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| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 05:17:20 -0700 |
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diff --git a/1569-h/1569-h.htm b/1569-h/1569-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..04aea5d --- /dev/null +++ b/1569-h/1569-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,11080 @@ +<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?> + +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" > + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en"> + <head> + <title> + The Lily of the Valley, by Honore de Balzac + </title> + <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve"> + + body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify} + P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } + hr { width: 50%; text-align: center;} + .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; } + blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;} + .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;} + .toc2 { margin-left: 20%;} + div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; } + div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; } + .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;} + .figright {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;} + .pagenum {display:inline; font-size: 70%; font-style:normal; + margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%; + text-align: right;} + pre { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;} + +</style> + </head> + <body> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Lily of the Valley, by Honore de Balzac + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Lily of the Valley + +Author: Honore de Balzac + +Translator: Katharine Prescott Wormeley + +Release Date: February 26, 2010 [EBook #1569] +Last Updated: November 22, 2016 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE LILY OF THE VALLEY *** + + + + +Produced by John Bickers, and Dagny, and David Widger + + + + + + +</pre> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <h1> + THE LILY OF THE VALLEY + </h1> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <h2> + By Honore De Balzac + </h2> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <h3> + Translated by Katharine Prescott Wormeley + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + DEDICATION + + To Monsieur J. B. Nacquart, + Member of the Royal Academy of Medicine. + + Dear Doctor—Here is one of the most carefully hewn stones in the + second course of the foundation of a literary edifice which I have + slowly and laboriously constructed. I wish to inscribe your name + upon it, as much to thank the man whose science once saved me as + to honor the friend of my daily life. +</pre> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + De Balzac. +</pre> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + Contents + </h2> + <h3> + <a href="#link2H_4_0001"> <b>THE LILY OF THE VALLEY</b> </a> + </h3> + <h3> + </h3> + <table summary="" style="margin-right: auto; margin-left: auto"> + <tr> + <td> + <a href="#link2HCH0001"> CHAPTER I. </a> + </td> + <td> + TWO CHILDHOODS + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td> + <a href="#link2HCH0002"> CHAPTER II. </a> + </td> + <td> + FIRST LOVE + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td> + <a href="#link2HCH0003"> CHAPTER III. </a> + </td> + <td> + THE TWO WOMEN + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td> + </td> + </tr> + </table> + <h3> + <a href="#link2H_4_0005"> ADDENDUM </a> + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <a name="link2H_4_0001" id="link2H_4_0001"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <h1> + THE LILY OF THE VALLEY + </h1> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + ENVOI + + Felix de Vandenesse to Madame la Comtesse Natalie de Manerville: + + I yield to your wishes. It is the privilege of the women whom we + love more than they love us to make the men who love them ignore + the ordinary rules of common-sense. To smooth the frown upon their + brow, to soften the pout upon their lips, what obstacles we + miraculously overcome! We shed our blood, we risk our future! + + You exact the history of my past life; here it is. But remember + this, Natalie; in obeying you I crush under foot a reluctance + hitherto unconquerable. Why are you jealous of the sudden reveries + which overtake me in the midst of our happiness? Why show the + pretty anger of a petted woman when silence grasps me? Could you + not play upon the contradictions of my character without inquiring + into the causes of them? Are there secrets in your heart which + seek absolution through a knowledge of mine? Ah! Natalie, you have + guessed mine; and it is better you should know the whole truth. + Yes, my life is shadowed by a phantom; a word evokes it; it hovers + vaguely above me and about me; within my soul are solemn memories, + buried in its depths like those marine productions seen in calmest + weather and which the storms of ocean cast in fragments on the + shore. + + The mental labor which the expression of ideas necessitates has + revived the old, old feelings which give me so much pain when they + come suddenly; and if in this confession of my past they break + forth in a way that wounds you, remember that you threatened to + punish me if I did not obey your wishes, and do not, therefore, + punish my obedience. I would that this, my confidence, might + increase your love. + + Until we meet, + + Felix. +</pre> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <a name="link2HCH0001" id="link2HCH0001"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <h2> + CHAPTER I. TWO CHILDHOODS + </h2> + <p> + To what genius fed on tears shall we some day owe that most touching of + all elegies,—the tale of tortures borne silently by souls whose + tender roots find stony ground in the domestic soil, whose earliest buds + are torn apart by rancorous hands, whose flowers are touched by frost at + the moment of their blossoming? What poet will sing the sorrows of the + child whose lips must suck a bitter breast, whose smiles are checked by + the cruel fire of a stern eye? The tale that tells of such poor hearts, + oppressed by beings placed about them to promote the development of their + natures, would contain the true history of my childhood. + </p> + <p> + What vanity could I have wounded,—I a child new-born? What moral or + physical infirmity caused by mother’s coldness? Was I the child of duty, + whose birth is a mere chance, or was I one whose very life was a reproach? + Put to nurse in the country and forgotten by my family for over three + years, I was treated with such indifference on my return to the parental + roof that even the servants pitied me. I do not know to what feeling or + happy accident I owed my rescue from this first neglect; as a child I was + ignorant of it, as a man I have not discovered it. Far from easing my lot, + my brother and my two sisters found amusement in making me suffer. The + compact in virtue of which children hide each other’s peccadilloes, and + which early teaches them the principles of honor, was null and void in my + case; more than that, I was often punished for my brother’s faults, + without being allowed to prove the injustice. The fawning spirit which + seems instinctive in children taught my brother and sisters to join in the + persecutions to which I was subjected, and thus keep in the good graces of + a mother whom they feared as much as I. Was this partly the effect of a + childish love of imitation; was it from a need of testing their powers; or + was it simply through lack of pity? Perhaps these causes united to deprive + me of the sweets of fraternal intercourse. + </p> + <p> + Disinherited of all affection, I could love nothing; yet nature had made + me loving. Is there an angel who garners the sighs of feeling hearts + rebuffed incessantly? If in many such hearts the crushed feelings turn to + hatred, in mine they condensed and hollowed a depth from which, in after + years, they gushed forth upon my life. In many characters the habit of + trembling relaxes the fibres and begets fear, and fear ends in submission; + hence, a weakness which emasculates a man, and makes him more or less a + slave. But in my case these perpetual tortures led to the development of a + certain strength, which increased through exercise and predisposed my + spirit to the habit of moral resistance. Always in expectation of some new + grief—as the martyrs expected some fresh blow—my whole being + expressed, I doubt not, a sullen resignation which smothered the grace and + gaiety of childhood, and gave me an appearance of idiocy which seemed to + justify my mother’s threatening prophecies. The certainty of injustice + prematurely roused my pride—that fruit of reason—and thus, no + doubt, checked the evil tendencies which an education like mine + encouraged. + </p> + <p> + Though my mother neglected me I was sometimes the object of her + solicitude; she occasionally spoke of my education and seemed desirous of + attending to it herself. Cold chills ran through me at such times when I + thought of the torture a daily intercourse with her would inflict upon me. + I blessed the neglect in which I lived, and rejoiced that I could stay + alone in the garden and play with the pebbles and watch the insects and + gaze into the blueness of the sky. Though my loneliness naturally led me + to reverie, my liking for contemplation was first aroused by an incident + which will give you an idea of my early troubles. So little notice was + taken of me that the governess occasionally forgot to send me to bed. One + evening I was peacefully crouching under a fig-tree, watching a star with + that passion of curiosity which takes possession of a child’s mind, and to + which my precocious melancholy gave a sort of sentimental intuition. My + sisters were playing about and laughing; I heard their distant chatter + like an accompaniment to my thoughts. After a while the noise ceased and + darkness fell. My mother happened to notice my absence. To escape blame, + our governess, a terrible Mademoiselle Caroline, worked upon my mother’s + fears,—told her I had a horror of my home and would long ago have + run away if she had not watched me; that I was not stupid but sullen; and + that in all her experience of children she had never known one of so bad a + disposition as mine. She pretended to search for me. I answered as soon as + I was called, and she came to the fig-tree, where she very well knew I + was. “What are you doing there?” she asked. “Watching a star.” “You were + not watching a star,” said my mother, who was listening on her balcony; + “children of your age know nothing of astronomy.” “Ah, madame,” cried + Mademoiselle Caroline, “he has opened the faucet of the reservoir; the + garden is inundated!” Then there was a general excitement. The fact was + that my sisters had amused themselves by turning the cock to see the water + flow, but a sudden spurt wet them all over and frightened them so much + that they ran away without closing it. Accused and convicted of this piece + of mischief and told that I lied when I denied it, I was severely + punished. Worse than all, I was jeered at for my pretended love of the + stars and forbidden to stay in the garden after dark. + </p> + <p> + Such tyrannical restrains intensify a passion in the hearts of children + even more than in those of men; children think of nothing but the + forbidden thing, which then becomes irresistibly attractive to them. I was + often whipped for my star. Unable to confide in my kind, I told it all my + troubles in that delicious inward prattle with which we stammer our first + ideas, just as once we stammered our first words. At twelve years of age, + long after I was at school, I still watched that star with indescribable + delight,—so deep and lasting are the impressions we receive in the + dawn of life. + </p> + <p> + My brother Charles, five years older than I and as handsome a boy as he + now is a man, was the favorite of my father, the idol of my mother, and + consequently the sovereign of the house. He was robust and well-made, and + had a tutor. I, puny and even sickly, was sent at five years of age as day + pupil to a school in the town; taken in the morning and brought back at + night by my father’s valet. I was sent with a scanty lunch, while my + school-fellows brought plenty of good food. This trifling contrast between + my privations and their prosperity made me suffer deeply. The famous + potted pork prepared at Tours and called “rillettes” and “rillons” was the + chief feature of their mid-day meal, between the early breakfast and the + parent’s dinner, which was ready when we returned from school. This + preparation of meat, much prized by certain gourmands, is seldom seen at + Tours on aristocratic tables; if I had ever heard of it before I went to + school, I certainly had never had the happiness of seeing that brown mess + spread on slices of bread and butter. Nevertheless, my desire for those + “rillons” was so great that it grew to be a fixed idea, like the longing + of an elegant Parisian duchess for the stews cooked by a porter’s wife,—longings + which, being a woman, she found means to satisfy. Children guess each + other’s covetousness, just as you are able to read a man’s love, by the + look in the eyes; consequently I became an admirable butt for ridicule. My + comrades, nearly all belonging to the lower bourgeoisie, would show me + their “rillons” and ask if I knew how they were made and where they were + sold, and why it was that I never had any. They licked their lips as they + talked of them—scraps of pork pressed in their own fat and looking + like cooked truffles; they inspected my lunch-basket, and finding nothing + better than Olivet cheese or dried fruits, they plagued me with questions: + “Is that all you have? have you really nothing else?”—speeches which + made me realize the difference between my brother and myself. + </p> + <p> + This contrast between my own abandonment and the happiness of others + nipped the roses of my childhood and blighted my budding youth. The first + time that I, mistaking my comrades’ actions for generosity, put forth my + hand to take the dainty I had so long coveted and which was now + hypocritically held out to me, my tormentor pulled back his slice to the + great delight of his comrades who were expecting that result. If noble and + distinguished minds are, as we often find them, capable of vanity, can we + blame the child who weeps when despised and jeered at? Under such a trial + many boys would have turned into gluttons and cringing beggars. I fought + to escape my persecutors. The courage of despair made me formidable; but I + was hated, and thus had no protection against treachery. One evening as I + left school I was struck in the back by a handful of small stones tied in + a handkerchief. When the valet, who punished the perpetrator, told this to + my mother she exclaimed: “That dreadful child! he will always be a torment + to us.” + </p> + <p> + Finding that I inspired in my schoolmates the same repulsion that was felt + for me by my family, I sank into a horrible distrust of myself. A second + fall of snow checked the seeds that were germinating in my soul. The boys + whom I most liked were notorious scamps; this fact roused my pride and I + held aloof. Again I was shut up within myself and had no vent for the + feelings with which my heart was full. The master of the school, observing + that I was gloomy, disliked by my comrades, and always alone, confirmed + the family verdict as to my sulky temper. As soon as I could read and + write, my mother transferred me to Pont-le-Voy, a school in charge of + Oratorians who took boys of my age into a form called the “class of the + Latin steps” where dull lads with torpid brains were apt to linger. + </p> + <p> + There I remained eight years without seeing my family; living the life of + a pariah,—partly for the following reason. I received but three + francs a month pocket-money, a sum barely sufficient to buy the pens, ink, + paper, knives, and rules which we were forced to supply ourselves. Unable + to buy stilts or skipping-ropes, or any of the things that were used in + the playground, I was driven out of the games; to gain admission on + suffrage I should have had to toady the rich and flatter the strong of my + division. My heart rose against either of these meannesses, which, + however, most children readily employ. I lived under a tree, lost in + dejected thought, or reading the books distributed to us monthly by the + librarian. How many griefs were in the shadow of that solitude; what + genuine anguish filled my neglected life! Imagine what my sore heart felt + when, at the first distribution of prizes,—of which I obtained the + two most valued, namely, for theme and for translation,—neither my + father nor my mother was present in the theatre when I came forward to + receive the awards amid general acclamations, although the building was + filled with the relatives of all my comrades. Instead of kissing the + distributor, according to custom, I burst into tears and threw myself on + his breast. That night I burned my crowns in the stove. The parents of the + other boys were in town for a whole week preceding the distribution of the + prizes, and my comrades departed joyfully the next day; while I, whose + father and mother were only a few miles distant, remained at the school + with the “outremers,”—a name given to scholars whose families were + in the colonies or in foreign countries. + </p> + <p> + You will notice throughout how my unhappiness increased in proportion as + the social spheres on which I entered widened. God knows what efforts I + made to weaken the decree which condemned me to live within myself! What + hopes, long cherished with eagerness of soul, were doomed to perish in a + day! To persuade my parents to come and see me, I wrote them letters full + of feeling, too emphatically worded, it may be; but surely such letters + ought not to have drawn upon me my mother’s reprimand, coupled with + ironical reproaches for my style. Not discouraged even then, I implored + the help of my sisters, to whom I always wrote on their birthdays and + fete-days with the persistence of a neglected child; but it was all in + vain. As the day for the distribution of prizes approached I redoubled my + entreaties, and told of my expected triumphs. Misled by my parents’ + silence, I expected them with a beating heart. I told my schoolfellows + they were coming; and then, when the old porter’s step sounded in the + corridors as he called my happy comrades one by one to receive their + friends, I was sick with expectation. Never did that old man call my name! + </p> + <p> + One day, when I accused myself to my confessor of having cursed my life, + he pointed to the skies, where grew, he said, the promised palm for the + “Beati qui lugent” of the Saviour. From the period of my first communion I + flung myself into the mysterious depths of prayer, attracted to religious + ideas whose moral fairyland so fascinates young spirits. Burning with + ardent faith, I prayed to God to renew in my behalf the miracles I had + read of in martyrology. At five years of age I fled to my star; at twelve + I took refuge in the sanctuary. My ecstasy brought dreams unspeakable, + which fed my imagination, fostered my susceptibilities, and strengthened + my thinking powers. I have often attributed those sublime visions to the + guardian angel charged with moulding my spirit to its divine destiny; they + endowed my soul with the faculty of seeing the inner soul of things; they + prepared my heart for the magic craft which makes a man a poet when the + fatal power is his to compare what he feels within him with reality,—the + great things aimed for with the small things gained. Those visions wrote + upon my brain a book in which I read that which I must voice; they laid + upon my lips the coal of utterance. + </p> + <p> + My father having conceived some doubts as to the tendency of the Oratorian + teachings, took me from Pont-le-Voy, and sent me to Paris to an + institution in the Marais. I was then fifteen. When examined as to my + capacity, I, who was in the rhetoric class at Pont-le-Voy, was pronounced + worthy of the third class. The sufferings I had endured in my family and + in school were continued under another form during my stay at the Lepitre + Academy. My father gave me no money; I was to be fed, clothed, and stuffed + with Latin and Greek, for a sum agreed on. During my school life I came in + contact with over a thousand comrades; but I never met with such an + instance of neglect and indifference as mine. Monsieur Lepitre, who was + fanatically attached to the Bourbons, had had relations with my father at + the time when all devoted royalists were endeavoring to bring about the + escape of Marie Antoinette from the Temple. They had lately renewed + acquaintance; and Monsieur Lepitre thought himself obliged to repair my + father’s oversight, and to give me a small sum monthly. But not being + authorized to do so, the amount was small indeed. + </p> + <p> + The Lepitre establishment was in the old Joyeuse mansion where, as in all + seignorial houses, there was a porter’s lodge. During a recess, which + preceded the hour when the man-of-all-work took us to the Charlemagne + Lyceum, the well-to-do pupils used to breakfast with the porter, named + Doisy. Monsieur Lepitre was either ignorant of the fact or he connived at + this arrangement with Doisy, a regular smuggler whom it was the pupils’ + interest to protect,—he being the secret guardian of their pranks, + the safe confidant of their late returns and their intermediary for + obtaining forbidden books. Breakfast on a cup of “cafe-au-lait” is an + aristocratic habit, explained by the high prices to which colonial + products rose under Napoleon. If the use of sugar and coffee was a luxury + to our parents, with us it was the sign of self-conscious superiority. + Doisy gave credit, for he reckoned on the sisters and aunts of the pupils, + who made it a point of honor to pay their debts. I resisted the + blandishments of his place for a long time. If my judges knew the strength + of its seduction, the heroic efforts I made after stoicism, the repressed + desires of my long resistance, they would pardon my final overthrow. But, + child as I was, could I have the grandeur of soul that scorns the scorn of + others? Moreover, I may have felt the promptings of several social vices + whose power was increased by my longings. + </p> + <p> + About the end of the second year my father and mother came to Paris. My + brother had written me the day of their arrival. He lived in Paris, but + had never been to see me. My sisters, he said, were of the party; we were + all to see Paris together. The first day we were to dine in the + Palais-Royal, so as to be near the Theatre-Francais. In spite of the + intoxication such a programme of unhoped-for delights excited, my joy was + dampened by the wind of a coming storm, which those who are used to + unhappiness apprehend instinctively. I was forced to own a debt of a + hundred francs to the Sieur Doisy, who threatened to ask my parents + himself for the money. I bethought me of making my brother the emissary of + Doisy, the mouth-piece of my repentance and the mediator of pardon. My + father inclined to forgiveness, but my mother was pitiless; her dark blue + eye froze me; she fulminated cruel prophecies: “What should I be later if + at seventeen years of age I committed such follies? Was I really a son of + hers? Did I mean to ruin my family? Did I think myself the only child of + the house? My brother Charles’s career, already begun, required large + outlay, amply deserved by his conduct which did honor to the family, while + mine would always disgrace it. Did I know nothing of the value of money, + and what I cost them? Of what use were coffee and sugar to my education? + Such conduct was the first step into all the vices.” + </p> + <p> + After enduring the shock of this torrent which rasped my soul, I was sent + back to school in charge of my brother. I lost the dinner at the Freres + Provencaux, and was deprived of seeing Talma in Britannicus. Such was my + first interview with my mother after a separation of twelve years. + </p> + <p> + When I had finished school my father left me under the guardianship of + Monsieur Lepitre. I was to study the higher mathematics, follow a course + of law for one year, and begin philosophy. Allowed to study in my own room + and released from the classes, I expected a truce with trouble. But, in + spite of my nineteen years, perhaps because of them, my father persisted + in the system which had sent me to school without food, to an academy + without pocket-money, and had driven me into debt to Doisy. Very little + money was allowed to me, and what can you do in Paris without money? + Moreover, my freedom was carefully chained up. Monsieur Lepitre sent me to + the law school accompanied by a man-of-all-work who handed me over to the + professor and fetched me home again. A young girl would have been treated + with less precaution than my mother’s fears insisted on for me. Paris + alarmed my parents, and justly. Students are secretly engaged in the same + occupation which fills the minds of young ladies in their + boarding-schools. Do what you will, nothing can prevent the latter from + talking of lovers, or the former of women. But in Paris, and especially at + this particular time, such talk among young lads was influenced by the + oriental and sultanic atmosphere and customs of the Palais-Royal. + </p> + <p> + The Palais-Royal was an Eldorado of love where the ingots melted away in + coin; there virgin doubts were over; there curiosity was appeased. The + Palais-Royal and I were two asymptotes bearing one towards the other, yet + unable to meet. Fate miscarried all my attempts. My father had presented + me to one of my aunts who lived in the Ile St. Louis. With her I was to + dine on Sundays and Thursdays, escorted to the house by either Monsieur or + Madame Lepitre, who went out themselves on those days and were to call for + me on their way home. Singular amusement for a young lad! My aunt, the + Marquise de Listomere, was a great lady, of ceremonious habits, who would + never have dreamed of offering me money. Old as a cathedral, painted like + a miniature, sumptuous in dress, she lived in her great house as though + Louis XV. were not dead, and saw none but old women and men of a past day,—a + fossil society which made me think I was in a graveyard. No one spoke to + me and I had not the courage to speak first. Cold and alien looks made me + ashamed of my youth, which seemed to annoy them. I counted on this + indifference to aid me in certain plans; I was resolved to escape some day + directly after dinner and rush to the Palais-Royal. Once seated at whist + my aunt would pay no attention to me. Jean, the footman, cared little for + Monsieur Lepitre and would have aided me; but on the day I chose for my + adventure that luckless dinner was longer than usual,—either because + the jaws employed were worn out or the false teeth more imperfect. At + last, between eight and nine o’clock, I reached the staircase, my heart + beating like that of Bianca Capello on the day of her flight; but when the + porter pulled the cord I beheld in the street before me Monsieur Lepitre’s + hackney-coach, and I heard his pursy voice demanding me! + </p> + <p> + Three times did fate interpose between the hell of the Palais-Royal and + the heaven of my youth. On the day when I, ashamed at twenty years of age + of my own ignorance, determined to risk all dangers to put an end to it, + at the very moment when I was about to run away from Monsieur Lepitre as + he got into the coach,—a difficult process, for he was as fat as + Louis XVIII. and club-footed,—well, can you believe it, my mother + arrived in a post-chaise! Her glance arrested me; I stood still, like a + bird before a snake. What fate had brought her there? The simplest thing + in the world. Napoleon was then making his last efforts. My father, who + foresaw the return of the Bourbons, had come to Paris with my mother to + advise my brother, who was employed in the imperial diplomatic service. My + mother was to take me back with her, out of the way of dangers which + seemed, to those who followed the march of events intelligently, to + threaten the capital. In a few minutes, as it were, I was taken out of + Paris, at the very moment when my life there was about to become fatal to + me. + </p> + <p> + The tortures of imagination excited by repressed desires, the weariness of + a life depressed by constant privations had driven me to study, just as + men, weary of fate, confine themselves in a cloister. To me, study had + become a passion, which might even be fatal to my health by imprisoning me + at a period of life when young men ought to yield to the bewitching + activities of their springtide youth. + </p> + <p> + This slight sketch of my boyhood, in which you, Natalie, can readily + perceive innumerable songs of woe, was needful to explain to you its + influence on my future life. At twenty years of age, and affected by many + morbid elements, I was still small and thin and pale. My soul, filled with + the will to do, struggled with a body that seemed weakly, but which, in + the words of an old physician at Tours, was undergoing its final fusion + into a temperament of iron. Child in body and old in mind, I had read and + thought so much that I knew life metaphysically at its highest reaches at + the moment when I was about to enter the tortuous difficulties of its + defiles and the sandy roads of its plains. A strange chance had held me + long in that delightful period when the soul awakes to its first tumults, + to its desires for joy, and the savor of life is fresh. I stood in the + period between puberty and manhood,—the one prolonged by my + excessive study, the other tardily developing its living shoots. No young + man was ever more thoroughly prepared to feel and to love. To understand + my history, let your mind dwell on that pure time of youth when the mouth + is innocent of falsehood; when the glance of the eye is honest, though + veiled by lids which droop from timidity contradicting desire; when the + soul bends not to worldly Jesuitism, and the heart throbs as violently + from trepidation as from the generous impulses of young emotion. + </p> + <p> + I need say nothing of the journey I made with my mother from Paris to + Tours. The coldness of her behavior repressed me. At each relay I tried to + speak; but a look, a word from her frightened away the speeches I had been + meditating. At Orleans, where we had passed the night, my mother + complained of my silence. I threw myself at her feet and clasped her + knees; with tears I opened my heart. I tried to touch hers by the + eloquence of my hungry love in accents that might have moved a stepmother. + She replied that I was playing comedy. I complained that she had abandoned + me. She called me an unnatural child. My whole nature was so wrung that at + Blois I went upon the bridge to drown myself in the Loire. The height of + the parapet prevented my suicide. + </p> + <p> + When I reached home, my two sisters, who did not know me, showed more + surprise than tenderness. Afterwards, however, they seemed, by comparison, + to be full of kindness towards me. I was given a room on the third story. + You will understand the extent of my hardships when I tell you that my + mother left me, a young man of twenty, without other linen than my + miserable school outfit, or any other outside clothes than those I had + long worn in Paris. If I ran from one end of the room to the other to pick + up her handkerchief, she took it with the cold thanks a lady gives to her + footman. Driven to watch her to find if there were any soft spot where I + could fasten the rootlets of affection, I came to see her as she was,—a + tall, spare woman, given to cards, egotistical and insolent, like all the + Listomeres, who count insolence as part of their dowry. She saw nothing in + life except duties to be fulfilled. All cold women whom I have known made, + as she did, a religion of duty; she received our homage as a priest + receives the incense of the mass. My elder brother appeared to absorb the + trifling sentiment of maternity which was in her nature. She stabbed us + constantly with her sharp irony,—the weapon of those who have no + heart,—and which she used against us, who could make her no reply. + </p> + <p> + Notwithstanding these thorny hindrances, the instinctive sentiments have + so many roots, the religious fear inspired by a mother whom it is + dangerous to displease holds by so many threads, that the sublime mistake—if + I may so call it—of our love for our mother lasted until the day, + much later in our lives, when we judged her finally. This terrible + despotism drove from my mind all thoughts of the voluptuous enjoyments I + had dreamed of finding at Tours. In despair I took refuge in my father’s + library, where I set myself to read every book I did not know. These long + periods of hard study saved me from contact with my mother; but they + aggravated the dangers of my moral condition. Sometimes my eldest sister—she + who afterwards married our cousin, the Marquis de Listomere—tried to + comfort me, without, however, being able to calm the irritation to which I + was a victim. I desired to die. + </p> + <p> + Great events, of which I knew nothing, were then in preparation. The Duc + d’Angouleme, who had left Bordeaux to join Louis XVIII. in Paris, was + received in every town through which he passed with ovations inspired by + the enthusiasm felt throughout old France at the return of the Bourbons. + Touraine was aroused for its legitimate princes; the town itself was in a + flutter, every window decorated, the inhabitants in their Sunday clothes, + a festival in preparation, and that nameless excitement in the air which + intoxicates, and which gave me a strong desire to be present at the ball + given by the duke. When I summoned courage to make this request of my + mother, who was too ill to go herself, she became extremely angry. “Had I + come from Congo?” she inquired. “How could I suppose that our family would + not be represented at the ball? In the absence of my father and brother, + of course it was my duty to be present. Had I no mother? Was she not + always thinking of the welfare of her children?” + </p> + <p> + In a moment the semi-disinherited son had become a personage! I was more + dumfounded by my importance than by the deluge of ironical reasoning with + which my mother received my request. I questioned my sisters, and then + discovered that my mother, who liked such theatrical plots, was already + attending to my clothes. The tailors in Tours were fully occupied by the + sudden demands of their regular customers, and my mother was forced to + employ her usual seamstress, who—according to provincial custom—could + do all kinds of sewing. A bottle-blue coat had been secretly made for me, + after a fashion, and silk stockings and pumps provided; waistcoats were + then worn short, so that I could wear one of my father’s; and for the + first time in my life I had a shirt with a frill, the pleatings of which + puffed out my chest and were gathered in to the knot of my cravat. When + dressed in this apparel I looked so little like myself that my sister’s + compliments nerved me to face all Touraine at the ball. But it was a bold + enterprise. Thanks to my slimness I slipped into a tent set up in the + gardens of the Papion house, and found a place close to the armchair in + which the duke was seated. Instantly I was suffocated by the heat, and + dazzled by the lights, the scarlet draperies, the gilded ornaments, the + dresses, and the diamonds of the first public ball I had ever witnessed. I + was pushed hither and thither by a mass of men and women, who hustled each + other in a cloud of dust. The brazen clash of military music was drowned + in the hurrahs and acclamations of “Long live the Duc d’Angouleme! Long + live the King! Long live the Bourbons!” The ball was an outburst of + pent-up enthusiasm, where each man endeavored to outdo the rest in his + fierce haste to worship the rising sun,—an exhibition of partisan + greed which left me unmoved, or rather, it disgusted me and drove me back + within myself. + </p> + <p> + Swept onward like a straw in the whirlwind, I was seized with a childish + desire to be the Duc d’Angouleme himself, to be one of these princes + parading before an awed assemblage. This silly fancy of a Tourangean lad + roused an ambition to which my nature and the surrounding circumstances + lent dignity. Who would not envy such worship?—a magnificent + repetition of which I saw a few months later, when all Paris rushed to the + feet of the Emperor on his return from Elba. The sense of this dominion + exercised over the masses, whose feelings and whose very life are thus + merged into one soul, dedicated me then and thenceforth to glory, that + priestess who slaughters the Frenchmen of to-day as the Druidess once + sacrificed the Gauls. + </p> + <p> + Suddenly I met the woman who was destined to spur these ambitious desires + and to crown them by sending me into the heart of royalty. Too timid to + ask any one to dance,—fearing, moreover, to confuse the figures,—I + naturally became very awkward, and did not know what to do with my arms + and legs. Just as I was suffering severely from the pressure of the crowd + an officer stepped on my feet, swollen by the new leather of my shoes as + well as by the heat. This disgusted me with the whole affair. It was + impossible to get away; but I took refuge in a corner of a room at the end + of an empty bench, where I sat with fixed eyes, motionless and sullen. + Misled by my puny appearance, a woman—taking me for a sleepy child—slid + softly into the place beside me, with the motion of a bird as she drops + upon her nest. Instantly I breathed the woman-atmosphere, which irradiated + my soul as, in after days, oriental poesy has shone there. I looked at my + neighbor, and was more dazzled by that vision than I had been by the scene + of the fete. + </p> + <p> + If you have understood this history of my early life you will guess the + feelings which now welled up within me. My eyes rested suddenly on white, + rounded shoulders where I would fain have laid my head,—shoulders + faintly rosy, which seemed to blush as if uncovered for the first time; + modest shoulders, that possessed a soul, and reflected light from their + satin surface as from a silken texture. These shoulders were parted by a + line along which my eyes wandered. I raised myself to see the bust and was + spell-bound by the beauty of the bosom, chastely covered with gauze, where + blue-veined globes of perfect outline were softly hidden in waves of lace. + The slightest details of the head were each and all enchantments which + awakened infinite delights within me; the brilliancy of the hair laid + smoothly above a neck as soft and velvety as a child’s, the white lines + drawn by the comb where my imagination ran as along a dewy path,—all + these things put me, as it were, beside myself. Glancing round to be sure + that no one saw me, I threw myself upon those shoulders as a child upon + the breast of its mother, kissing them as I laid my head there. The woman + uttered a piercing cry, which the noise of the music drowned; she turned, + saw me, and exclaimed, “Monsieur!” Ah! had she said, “My little lad, what + possesses you?” I might have killed her; but at the word “Monsieur!” hot + tears fell from my eyes. I was petrified by a glance of saintly anger, by + a noble face crowned with a diadem of golden hair in harmony with the + shoulders I adored. The crimson of offended modesty glowed on her cheeks, + though already it was appeased by the pardoning instinct of a woman who + comprehends a frenzy which she inspires, and divines the infinite + adoration of those repentant tears. She moved away with the step and + carriage of a queen. + </p> + <p> + I then felt the ridicule of my position; for the first time I realized + that I was dressed like the monkey of a barrel organ. I was ashamed. There + I stood, stupefied,—tasting the fruit that I had stolen, conscious + of the warmth upon my lips, repenting not, and following with my eyes the + woman who had come down to me from heaven. Sick with the first fever of + the heart I wandered through the rooms, unable to find mine Unknown, until + at last I went home to bed, another man. + </p> + <p> + A new soul, a soul with rainbow wings, had burst its chrysalis. Descending + from the azure wastes where I had long admired her, my star had come to me + a woman, with undiminished lustre and purity. I loved, knowing naught of + love. How strange a thing, this first irruption of the keenest human + emotion in the heart of a man! I had seen pretty women in other places, + but none had made the slightest impression upon me. Can there be an + appointed hour, a conjunction of stars, a union of circumstances, a + certain woman among all others to awaken an exclusive passion at the + period of life when love includes the whole sex? + </p> + <p> + The thought that my Elect lived in Touraine made the air I breathed + delicious; the blue of the sky seemed bluer than I had ever yet seen it. I + raved internally, but externally I was seriously ill, and my mother had + fears, not unmingled with remorse. Like animals who know when danger is + near, I hid myself away in the garden to think of the kiss that I had + stolen. A few days after this memorable ball my mother attributed my + neglect of study, my indifference to her tyrannical looks and sarcasms, + and my gloomy behavior to the condition of my health. The country, that + perpetual remedy for ills that doctors cannot cure, seemed to her the best + means of bringing me out of my apathy. She decided that I should spend a + few weeks at Frapesle, a chateau on the Indre midway between Montbazon and + Azay-le-Rideau, which belonged to a friend of hers, to whom, no doubt, she + gave private instructions. + </p> + <p> + By the day when I thus for the first time gained my liberty I had swum so + vigorously in Love’s ocean that I had well-nigh crossed it. I knew nothing + of mine unknown lady, neither her name, nor where to find her; to whom, + indeed, could I speak of her? My sensitive nature so exaggerated the + inexplicable fears which beset all youthful hearts at the first approach + of love that I began with the melancholy which often ends a hopeless + passion. I asked nothing better than to roam about the country, to come + and go and live in the fields. With the courage of a child that fears no + failure, in which there is something really chivalrous, I determined to + search every chateau in Touraine, travelling on foot, and saying to myself + as each old tower came in sight, “She is there!” + </p> + <p> + Accordingly, of a Thursday morning I left Tours by the barrier of + Saint-Eloy, crossed the bridges of Saint-Sauveur, reached Poncher whose + every house I examined, and took the road to Chinon. For the first time in + my life I could sit down under a tree or walk fast or slow as I pleased + without being dictated to by any one. To a poor lad crushed under all + sorts of despotism (which more or less does weigh upon all youth) the + first employment of freedom, even though it be expended upon nothing, + lifts the soul with irrepressible buoyancy. Several reasons combined to + make that day one of enchantment. During my school years I had never been + taken to walk more than two or three miles from a city; yet there remained + in my mind among the earliest recollections of my childhood that feeling + for the beautiful which the scenery about Tours inspires. Though quite + untaught as to the poetry of such a landscape, I was, unknown to myself, + critical upon it, like those who imagine the ideal of art without knowing + anything of its practice. + </p> + <p> + To reach the chateau of Frapesle, foot-passengers, or those on horseback, + shorten the way by crossing the Charlemagne moors,—uncultivated + tracts of land lying on the summit of the plateau which separates the + valley of the Cher from that of the Indre, and over which there is a + cross-road leading to Champy. These moors are flat and sandy, and for more + than three miles are dreary enough until you reach, through a clump of + woods, the road to Sache, the name of the township in which Frapesle + stands. This road, which joins that of Chinon beyond Ballan, skirts an + undulating plain to the little hamlet of Artanne. Here we come upon a + valley, which begins at Montbazon, ends at the Loire, and seems to rise + and fall,—to bound, as it were,—beneath the chateaus placed on + its double hillsides,—a splendid emerald cup, in the depths of which + flow the serpentine lines of the river Indre. I gazed at this scene with + ineffable delight, for which the gloomy moor-land and the fatigue of the + sandy walk had prepared me. + </p> + <p> + “If that woman, the flower of her sex, does indeed inhabit this earth, she + is here, on this spot.” + </p> + <p> + Thus musing, I leaned against a walnut-tree, beneath which I have rested + from that day to this whenever I return to my dear valley. Beneath that + tree, the confidant of my thoughts, I ask myself what changes there are in + me since last I stood there. + </p> + <p> + My heart deceived me not—she lived there; the first castle that I + saw on the slope of a hill was the dwelling that held her. As I sat + beneath my nut-tree, the mid-day sun was sparkling on the slates of her + roof and the panes of her windows. Her cambric dress made the white line + which I saw among the vines of an arbor. She was, as you know already + without as yet knowing anything, the Lily of this valley, where she grew + for heaven, filling it with the fragrance of her virtues. Love, infinite + love, without other sustenance than the vision, dimly seen, of which my + soul was full, was there, expressed to me by that long ribbon of water + flowing in the sunshine between the grass-green banks, by the lines of the + poplars adorning with their mobile laces that vale of love, by the + oak-woods coming down between the vineyards to the shore, which the river + curved and rounded as it chose, and by those dim varying horizons as they + fled confusedly away. + </p> + <p> + If you would see nature beautiful and virgin as a bride, go there of a + spring morning. If you would still the bleeding wounds of your heart, + return in the last days of autumn. In the spring, Love beats his wings + beneath the broad blue sky; in the autumn, we think of those who are no + more. The lungs diseased breathe in a blessed purity; the eyes will rest + on golden copses which impart to the soul their peaceful stillness. At + this moment, when I stood there for the first time, the mills upon the + brooksides gave a voice to the quivering valley; the poplars were laughing + as they swayed; not a cloud was in the sky; the birds sang, the crickets + chirped,—all was melody. Do not ask me again why I love Touraine. I + love it, not as we love our cradle, not as we love the oasis in a desert; + I love it as an artist loves art; I love it less than I love you; but + without Touraine, perhaps I might not now be living. + </p> + <p> + Without knowing why, my eyes reverted ever to that white spot, to the + woman who shone in that garden as the bell of a convolvulus shines amid + the underbrush, and wilts if touched. Moved to the soul, I descended the + slope and soon saw a village, which the superabounding poetry that filled + my heart made me fancy without an equal. Imagine three mills placed among + islands of graceful outline crowned with groves of trees and rising from a + field of water,—for what other name can I give to that aquatic + vegetation, so verdant, so finely colored, which carpeted the river, rose + above its surface and undulated upon it, yielding to its caprices and + swaying to the turmoil of the water when the mill-wheels lashed it. Here + and there were mounds of gravel, against which the wavelets broke in + fringes that shimmered in the sunlight. Amaryllis, water-lilies, reeds, + and phloxes decorated the banks with their glorious tapestry. A trembling + bridge of rotten planks, the abutments swathed with flowers, and the + hand-rails green with perennials and velvet mosses drooping to the river + but not falling to it; mouldering boats, fishing-nets; the monotonous + sing-song of a shepherd; ducks paddling among the islands or preening on + the “jard,”—a name given to the coarse sand which the Loire brings + down; the millers, with their caps over one ear, busily loading their + mules,—all these details made the scene before me one of primitive + simplicity. Imagine, also, beyond the bridge two or three farm-houses, a + dove-cote, turtle-doves, thirty or more dilapidated cottages, separated by + gardens, by hedges of honeysuckle, clematis, and jasmine; a dunghill + beside each door, and cocks and hens about the road. Such is the village + of Pont-de-Ruan, a picturesque little hamlet leading up to an old church + full of character, a church of the days of the Crusades, such a one as + painters desire for their pictures. Surround this scene with ancient + walnut-trees and slim young poplars with their pale-gold leaves; dot + graceful buildings here and there along the grassy slopes where sight is + lost beneath the vaporous, warm sky, and you will have some idea of one of + the points of view of this most lovely region. + </p> + <p> + I followed the road to Sache along the left bank of the river, noticing + carefully the details of the hills on the opposite shore. At length I + reached a park embellished with centennial trees, which I knew to be that + of Frapesle. I arrived just as the bell was ringing for breakfast. After + the meal, my host, who little suspected that I had walked from Tours, + carried me over his estate, from the borders of which I saw the valley on + all sides under its many aspects,—here through a vista, there to its + broad extent; often my eyes were drawn to the horizon along the golden + blade of the Loire, where the sails made fantastic figures among the + currents as they flew before the wind. As we mounted a crest I came in + sight of the chateau d’Azay, like a diamond of many facets in a setting of + the Indre, standing on wooden piles concealed by flowers. Farther on, in a + hollow, I saw the romantic masses of the chateau of Sache, a sad retreat + though full of harmony; too sad for the superficial, but dear to a poet + with a soul in pain. I, too, came to love its silence, its great gnarled + trees, and the nameless mysterious influence of its solitary valley. But + now, each time that we reached an opening towards the neighboring slope + which gave to view the pretty castle I had first noticed in the morning, I + stopped to look at it with pleasure. + </p> + <p> + “Hey!” said my host, reading in my eyes the sparkling desires which youth + so ingenuously betrays, “so you scent from afar a pretty woman as a dog + scents game!” + </p> + <p> + I did not like the speech, but I asked the name of the castle and of its + owner. + </p> + <p> + “It is Clochegourde,” he replied; “a pretty house belonging to the Comte + de Mortsauf, the head of an historic family in Touraine, whose fortune + dates from the days of Louis XI., and whose name tells the story to which + they owe their arms and their distinction. Monsieur de Mortsauf is + descended from a man who survived the gallows. The family bear: Or, a + cross potent and counter-potent sable, charged with a fleur-de-lis or; and + ‘Dieu saulve le Roi notre Sire,’ for motto. The count settled here after + the return of the emigration. The estate belongs to his wife, a demoiselle + de Lenoncourt, of the house of Lenoncourt-Givry which is now dying out. + Madame de Mortsauf is an only daughter. The limited fortune of the family + contrasts strangely with the distinction of their names; either from + pride, or, possibly, from necessity, they never leave Clochegourde and see + no company. Until now their attachment to the Bourbons explained this + retirement, but the return of the king has not changed their way of + living. When I came to reside here last year I paid them a visit of + courtesy; they returned it and invited us to dinner; the winter separated + us for some months, and political events kept me away from Frapesle until + recently. Madame de Mortsauf is a woman who would hold the highest + position wherever she might be.” + </p> + <p> + “Does she often come to Tours?” + </p> + <p> + “She never goes there. However,” he added, correcting himself, “she did go + there lately to the ball given to the Duc d’Angouleme, who was very + gracious to her husband.” + </p> + <p> + “It was she!” I exclaimed. + </p> + <p> + “She! who?” + </p> + <p> + “A woman with beautiful shoulders.” + </p> + <p> + “You will meet a great many women with beautiful shoulders in Touraine,” + he said, laughing. “But if you are not tired we can cross the river and + call at Clochegourde and you shall renew acquaintance with those + particular shoulders.” + </p> + <p> + I agreed, not without a blush of shame and pleasure. About four o’clock we + reached the little chateau on which my eyes had fastened from the first. + The building, which is finely effective in the landscape, is in reality + very modest. It has five windows on the front; those at each end of the + facade, looking south, project about twelve feet,—an architectural + device which gives the idea of two towers and adds grace to the structure. + The middle window serves as a door from which you descend through a double + portico into a terraced garden which joins the narrow strip of grass-land + that skirts the Indre along its whole course. Though this meadow is + separated from the lower terrace, which is shaded by a double line of + acacias and Japanese ailanthus, by the country road, it nevertheless + appears from the house to be a part of the garden, for the road is sunken + and hemmed in on one side by the terrace, on the other side by a Norman + hedge. The terraces being very well managed put enough distance between + the house and the river to avoid the inconvenience of too great proximity + to water, without losing the charms of it. Below the house are the + stables, coach-house, green-houses, and kitchen, the various openings to + which form an arcade. The roof is charmingly rounded at the angles, and + bears mansarde windows with carved mullions and leaden finials on their + gables. This roof, no doubt much neglected during the Revolution, is + stained by a sort of mildew produced by lichens and the reddish moss which + grows on houses exposed to the sun. The glass door of the portico is + surmounted by a little tower which holds the bell, and on which is carved + the escutcheon of the Blamont-Chauvry family, to which Madame de Mortsauf + belonged, as follows: Gules, a pale vair, flanked quarterly by two hands + clasped or, and two lances in chevron sable. The motto, “Voyez tous, nul + ne touche!” struck me greatly. The supporters, a griffin and dragon gules, + enchained or, made a pretty effect in the carving. The Revolution has + damaged the ducal crown and the crest, which was a palm-tree vert with + fruit or. Senart, the secretary of the committee of public safety was + bailiff of Sache before 1781, which explains this destruction. + </p> + <p> + These arrangements give an elegant air to the little castle, dainty as a + flower, which seems to scarcely rest upon the earth. Seen from the valley + the ground-floor appears to be the first story; but on the other side it + is on a level with a broad gravelled path leading to a grass-plot, on + which are several flower-beds. To right and left are vineyards, orchards, + and a few acres of tilled land planted with chestnut-trees which surround + the house, the ground falling rapidly to the Indre, where other groups of + trees of variegated shades of green, chosen by Nature herself, are spread + along the shore. I admired these groups, so charmingly disposed, as we + mounted the hilly road which borders Clochegourde; I breathed an + atmosphere of happiness. Has the moral nature, like the physical nature, + its own electrical communications and its rapid changes of temperature? My + heart was beating at the approach of events then unrevealed which were to + change it forever, just as animals grow livelier when foreseeing fine + weather. + </p> + <p> + This day, so marked in my life, lacked no circumstance that was needed to + solemnize it. Nature was adorned like a woman to meet her lover. My soul + heard her voice for the first time; my eyes worshipped her, as fruitful, + as varied as my imagination had pictured her in those school-dreams the + influence of which I have tried in a few unskilful words to explain to + you, for they were to me an Apocalypse in which my life was figuratively + foretold; each event, fortunate or unfortunate, being mated to some one of + these strange visions by ties known only to the soul. + </p> + <p> + We crossed a court-yard surrounded by buildings necessary for the farm + work,—a barn, a wine-press, cow-sheds, and stables. Warned by the + barking of the watch-dog, a servant came to meet us, saying that Monsieur + le comte had gone to Azay in the morning but would soon return, and that + Madame la comtesse was at home. My companion looked at me. I fairly + trembled lest he should decline to see Madame de Mortsauf in her husband’s + absence; but he told the man to announce us. With the eagerness of a child + I rushed into the long antechamber which crosses the whole house. + </p> + <p> + “Come in, gentlemen,” said a golden voice. + </p> + <p> + Though Madame de Mortsauf had spoken only one word at the ball, I + recognized her voice, which entered my soul and filled it as a ray of + sunshine fills and gilds a prisoner’s dungeon. Thinking, suddenly, that + she might remember my face, my first impulse was to fly; but it was too + late,—she appeared in the doorway, and our eyes met. I know not + which of us blushed deepest. Too much confused for immediate speech she + returned to her seat at an embroidery frame while the servant placed two + chairs, then she drew out her needle and counted some stitches, as if to + explain her silence; after which she raised her head, gently yet proudly, + in the direction of Monsieur de Chessel as she asked to what fortunate + circumstance she owed his visit. Though curious to know the secret of my + unexpected appearance, she looked at neither of us,—her eyes were + fixed on the river; and yet you could have told by the way she listened + that she was able to recognize, as the blind do, the agitations of a + neighboring soul by the imperceptible inflexions of the voice. + </p> + <p> + Monsieur de Chessel gave my name and biography. I had lately arrived at + Tours, where my parents had recalled me when the armies threatened Paris. + A son of Touraine to whom Touraine was as yet unknown, she would find me a + young man weakened by excessive study and sent to Frapesle to amuse + himself; he had already shown me his estate, which I saw for the first + time. I had just told him that I had walked from Tours to Frapesle, and + fearing for my health—which was really delicate—he had stopped + at Clochegourde to ask her to allow me to rest there. Monsieur de Chessel + told the truth; but the accident seemed so forced that Madame de Mortsauf + distrusted us. She gave me a cold, severe glance, under which my own + eyelids fell, as much from a sense of humiliation as to hide the tears + that rose beneath them. She saw the moisture on my forehead, and perhaps + she guessed the tears; for she offered me the restoratives I needed, with + a few kind and consoling words, which gave me back the power of speech. I + blushed like a young girl, and in a voice as tremulous as that of an old + man I thanked her and declined. + </p> + <p> + “All I ask,” I said, raising my eyes to hers, which mine now met for the + second time in a glance as rapid as lightning,—“is to rest here. I + am so crippled with fatigue I really cannot walk farther.” + </p> + <p> + “You must not doubt the hospitality of our beautiful Touraine,” she said; + then, turning to my companion, she added: “You will give us the pleasure + of your dining at Clochegourde?” + </p> + <p> + I threw such a look of entreaty at Monsieur de Chessel that he began the + preliminaries of accepting the invitation, though it was given in a manner + that seemed to expect a refusal. As a man of the world, he recognized + these shades of meaning; but I, a young man without experience, believed + so implicitly in the sincerity between word and thought of this beautiful + woman that I was wholly astonished when my host said to me, after we + reached home that evening, “I stayed because I saw you were dying to do + so; but if you do not succeed in making it all right, I may find myself on + bad terms with my neighbors.” That expression, “if you do not make it all + right,” made me ponder the matter deeply. In other words, if I pleased + Madame de Mortsauf, she would not be displeased with the man who + introduced me to her. He evidently thought I had the power to please her; + this in itself gave me that power, and corroborated my inward hope at a + moment when it needed some outward succor. + </p> + <p> + “I am afraid it will be difficult,” he began; “Madame de Chessel expects + us.” + </p> + <p> + “She has you every day,” replied the countess; “besides, we can send her + word. Is she alone?” + </p> + <p> + “No, the Abbe de Quelus is there.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, then,” she said, rising to ring the bell, “you really must dine + with us.” + </p> + <p> + This time Monsieur de Chessel thought her in earnest, and gave me a + congratulatory look. As soon as I was sure of passing a whole evening + under that roof I seemed to have eternity before me. For many miserable + beings to-morrow is a word without meaning, and I was of the number who + had no faith in it; when I was certain of a few hours of happiness I made + them contain a whole lifetime of delight. + </p> + <p> + Madame de Mortsauf talked about local affairs, the harvest, the vintage, + and other matters to which I was a total stranger. This usually argues + either a want of breeding or great contempt for the stranger present who + is thus shut out from the conversation, but in this case it was + embarrassment. Though at first I thought she treated me as a child and I + envied the man of thirty to whom she talked of serious matters which I + could not comprehend, I came, a few months later, to understand how + significant a woman’s silence often is, and how many thoughts a voluble + conversation masks. At first I attempted to be at my ease and take part in + it, then I perceived the advantages of my situation and gave myself up to + the charm of listening to Madame de Mortsauf’s voice. The breath of her + soul rose and fell among the syllables as sound is divided by the notes of + a flute; it died away to the ear as it quickened the pulsation of the + blood. Her way of uttering the terminations in “i” was like a bird’s song; + the “ch” as she said it was a kiss, but the “t’s” were an echo of her + heart’s despotism. She thus extended, without herself knowing that she did + so, the meaning of her words, leading the soul of the listener into + regions above this earth. Many a time I have continued a discussion I + could easily have ended, many a time I have allowed myself to be unjustly + scolded that I might listen to those harmonies of the human voice, that I + might breathe the air of her soul as it left her lips, and strain to my + soul that spoken light as I would fain have strained the speaker to my + breast. A swallow’s song of joy it was when she was gay!—but when + she spoke of her griefs, a swan’s voice calling to its mates! + </p> + <p> + Madame de Mortsauf’s inattention to my presence enabled me to examine her. + My eyes rejoiced as they glided over the sweet speaker; they kissed her + feet, they clasped her waist, they played with the ringlets of her hair. + And yet I was a prey to terror, as all who, once in their lives, have + experienced the illimitable joys of a true passion will understand. I + feared she would detect me if I let my eyes rest upon the shoulder I had + kissed, and the fear sharpened the temptation. I yielded, I looked, my + eyes tore away the covering; I saw the mole which lay where the pretty + line between the shoulders started, and which, ever since the ball, had + sparkled in that twilight which seems the region of the sleep of youths + whose imagination is ardent and whose life is chaste. + </p> + <p> + I can sketch for you the leading features which all eyes saw in Madame de + Mortsauf; but no drawing, however correct, no color, however warm, can + represent her to you. Her face was of those that require the unattainable + artist, whose hand can paint the reflection of inward fires and render + that luminous vapor which defies science and is not revealable by language—but + which a lover sees. Her soft, fair hair often caused her much suffering, + no doubt through sudden rushes of blood to the head. Her brow, round and + prominent like that of Joconda, teemed with unuttered thoughts, restrained + feelings—flowers drowning in bitter waters. The eyes, of a green + tinge flecked with brown, were always wan; but if her children were in + question, or if some keen condition of joy or suffering (rare in the lives + of all resigned women) seized her, those eyes sent forth a subtile gleam + as if from fires that were consuming her,—the gleam that wrung the + tears from mine when she covered me with her contempt, and which sufficed + to lower the boldest eyelid. A Grecian nose, designed it might be by + Phidias, and united by its double arch to lips that were gracefully + curved, spiritualized the face, which was oval with a skin of the texture + of a white camellia colored with soft rose-tints upon the cheeks. Her + plumpness did not detract from the grace of her figure nor from the + rounded outlines which made her shape beautiful though well developed. You + will understand the character of this perfection when I say that where the + dazzling treasures which had so fascinated me joined the arm there was no + crease or wrinkle. No hollow disfigured the base of her head, like those + which make the necks of some women resemble trunks of trees; her muscles + were not harshly defined, and everywhere the lines were rounded into + curves as fugitive to the eye as to the pencil. A soft down faintly showed + upon her cheeks and on the outline of her throat, catching the light which + made it silken. Her little ears, perfect in shape, were, as she said + herself, the ears of a mother and a slave. In after days, when our hearts + were one, she would say to me, “Here comes Monsieur de Mortsauf”; and she + was right, though I, whose hearing is remarkably acute, could hear + nothing. + </p> + <p> + Her arms were beautiful. The curved fingers of the hand were long, and the + flesh projected at the side beyond the finger-nails, like those of antique + statues. I should displease you, I know, if you were not yourself an + exception to my rule, when I say that flat waists should have the + preference over round ones. The round waist is a sign of strength; but + women thus formed are imperious, self-willed, and more voluptuous than + tender. On the other hand, women with flat waists are devoted in soul, + delicately perceptive, inclined to sadness, more truly woman than the + other class. The flat waist is supple and yielding; the round waist is + inflexible and jealous. + </p> + <p> + You now know how she was made. She had the foot of a well-bred woman,—the + foot that walks little, is quickly tired, and delights the eye when it + peeps beneath the dress. Though she was the mother of two children, I have + never met any woman so truly a young girl as she. Her whole air was one of + simplicity, joined to a certain bashful dreaminess which attracted others, + just as a painter arrests our steps before a figure into which his genius + has conveyed a world of sentiment. If you recall the pure, wild fragrance + of the heath we gathered on our return from the Villa Diodati, the flower + whose tints of black and rose you praised so warmly, you can fancy how + this woman could be elegant though remote from the social world, natural + in expression, fastidious in all things which became part of herself,—in + short, like the heath of mingled colors. Her body had the freshness we + admire in the unfolding leaf; her spirit the clear conciseness of the + aboriginal mind; she was a child by feeling, grave through suffering, the + mistress of a household, yet a maiden too. Therefore she charmed artlessly + and unconsciously, by her way of sitting down or rising, of throwing in a + word or keeping silence. Though habitually collected, watchful as the + sentinel on whom the safety of others depends and who looks for danger, + there were moments when smiles would wreathe her lips and betray the happy + nature buried beneath the saddened bearing that was the outcome of her + life. Her gift of attraction was mysterious. Instead of inspiring the + gallant attentions which other women seek, she made men dream, letting + them see her virginal nature of pure flame, her celestial visions, as we + see the azure heavens through rifts in the clouds. This involuntary + revelation of her being made others thoughtful. The rarity of her + gestures, above all, the rarity of her glances—for, excepting her + children, she seldom looked at any one—gave a strange solemnity to + all she said and did when her words or actions seemed to her to compromise + her dignity. + </p> + <p> + On this particular morning Madame de Mortsauf wore a rose-colored gown + patterned in tiny stripes, a collar with a wide hem, a black belt, and + little boots of the same hue. Her hair was simply twisted round her head, + and held in place by a tortoise-shell comb. Such, my dear Natalie, is the + imperfect sketch I promised you. But the constant emanation of her soul + upon her family, that nurturing essence shed in floods around her as the + sun emits its light, her inward nature, her cheerfulness on days serene, + her resignation on stormy ones,—all those variations of expression + by which character is displayed depend, like the effects in the sky, on + unexpected and fugitive circumstances, which have no connection with each + other except the background against which they rest, though all are + necessarily mingled with the events of this history,—truly a + household epic, as great to the eyes of a wise man as a tragedy to the + eyes of the crowd, an epic in which you will feel an interest, not only + for the part I took in it, but for the likeness that it bears to the + destinies of so vast a number of women. + </p> + <p> + Everything at Clochegourde bore signs of a truly English cleanliness. The + room in which the countess received us was panelled throughout and painted + in two shades of gray. The mantelpiece was ornamented with a clock + inserted in a block of mahogany and surmounted with a tazza, and two large + vases of white porcelain with gold lines, which held bunches of Cape + heather. A lamp was on a pier-table, and a backgammon board on legs before + the fireplace. Two wide bands of cotton held back the white cambric + curtains, which had no fringe. The furniture was covered with gray cotton + bound with a green braid, and the tapestry on the countess’s frame told + why the upholstery was thus covered. Such simplicity rose to grandeur. No + apartment, among all that I have seen since, has given me such fertile, + such teeming impressions as those that filled my mind in that salon of + Clochegourde, calm and composed as the life of its mistress, where the + conventual regularity of her occupations made itself felt. The greater + part of my ideas in science or politics, even the boldest of them, were + born in that room, as perfumes emanate from flowers; there grew the + mysterious plant that cast upon my soul its fructifying pollen; there + glowed the solar warmth which developed my good and shrivelled my evil + qualities. Through the windows the eye took in the valley from the heights + of Pont-de-Ruan to the chateau d’Azay, following the windings of the + further shore, picturesquely varied by the towers of Frapesle, the church, + the village, and the old manor-house of Sache, whose venerable pile looked + down upon the meadows. + </p> + <p> + In harmony with this reposeful life, and without other excitements to + emotion than those arising in the family, this scene conveyed to the soul + its own serenity. If I had met her there for the first time, between the + count and her two children, instead of seeing her resplendent in a ball + dress, I should not have ravished that delirious kiss, which now filled me + with remorse and with the fear of having lost the future of my love. No; + in the gloom of my unhappy life I should have bent my knee and kissed the + hem of her garment, wetting it with tears, and then I might have flung + myself into the Indre. But having breathed the jasmine perfume of her skin + and drunk the milk of that cup of love, my soul had acquired the knowledge + and the hope of human joys; I would live and await the coming of happiness + as the savage awaits his hour of vengeance; I longed to climb those trees, + to creep among the vines, to float in the river; I wanted the + companionship of night and its silence, I needed lassitude of body, I + craved the heat of the sun to make the eating of the delicious apple into + which I had bitten perfect. Had she asked of me the singing flower, the + riches buried by the comrades of Morgan the destroyer, I would have sought + them, to obtain those other riches and that mute flower for which I + longed. + </p> + <p> + When my dream, the dream into which this first contemplation of my idol + plunged me, came to an end and I heard her speaking of Monsieur de + Mortsauf, the thought came that a woman must belong to her husband, and a + raging curiosity possessed me to see the owner of this treasure. Two + emotions filled my mind, hatred and fear,—hatred which allowed of no + obstacles and measured all without shrinking, and a vague, but real fear + of the struggle, of its issue, and above all of <i>her</i>. + </p> + <p> + “Here is Monsieur de Mortsauf,” she said. + </p> + <p> + I sprang to my feet like a startled horse. Though the movement was seen by + Monsieur de Chessel and the countess, neither made any observation, for a + diversion was effected at this moment by the entrance of a little girl, + whom I took to be about six years old, who came in exclaiming, “Here’s + papa!” + </p> + <p> + “Madeleine?” said her mother, gently. + </p> + <p> + The child at once held out her hand to Monsieur de Chessel, and looked + attentively at me after making a little bow with an air of astonishment. + </p> + <p> + “Are you more satisfied about her health?” asked Monsieur de Chessel. + </p> + <p> + “She is better,” replied the countess, caressing the little head which was + already nestling in her lap. + </p> + <p> + The next question of Monsieur de Chessel let me know that Madeleine was + nine years old; I showed great surprise, and immediately the clouds + gathered on the mother’s brow. My companion threw me a significant look,—one + of those which form the education of men of the world. I had stumbled no + doubt upon some maternal wound the covering of which should have been + respected. The sickly child, whose eyes were pallid and whose skin was + white as a porcelain vase with a light within it, would probably not have + lived in the atmosphere of a city. Country air and her mother’s brooding + care had kept the life in that frail body, delicate as a hot-house plant + growing in a harsh and foreign climate. Though in nothing did she remind + me of her mother, Madeleine seemed to have her soul, and that soul held + her up. Her hair was scanty and black, her eyes and cheeks hollow, her + arms thin, her chest narrow, showing a battle between life and death, a + duel without truce in which the mother had so far been victorious. The + child willed to live,—perhaps to spare her mother, for at times, + when not observed, she fell into the attitude of a weeping-willow. You + might have thought her a little gypsy dying of hunger, begging her way, + exhausted but always brave and dressed up to play her part. + </p> + <p> + “Where have you left Jacques?” asked the countess, kissing the white line + which parted the child’s hair into two bands that looked like a crow’s + wings. + </p> + <p> + “He is coming with papa.” + </p> + <p> + Just then the count entered, holding his son by the hand. Jacques, the + image of his sister, showed the same signs of weakness. Seeing these + sickly children beside a mother so magnificently healthy it was impossible + not to guess at the causes of the grief which clouded her brow and kept + her silent on a subject she could take to God only. As he bowed, Monsieur + de Mortsauf gave me a glance that was less observing than awkwardly + uneasy,—the glance of a man whose distrust grows out of his + inability to analyze. After explaining the circumstances of our visit, and + naming me to him, the countess gave him her place and left the room. The + children, whose eyes were on those of their mother as if they drew the + light of theirs from hers, tried to follow her; but she said, with a + finger on her lips, “Stay dears!” and they obeyed, but their eyes filled. + Ah! to hear that one word “dears” what tasks they would have undertaken! + </p> + <p> + Like the children, I felt less warm when she had left us. My name seemed + to change the count’s feeling toward me. Cold and supercilious in his + first glance, he became at once, if not affectionate, at least politely + attentive, showing me every consideration and seeming pleased to receive + me as a guest. My father had formerly done devoted service to the + Bourbons, and had played an important and perilous, though secret part. + When their cause was lost by the elevation of Napoleon, he took refuge in + the quietude of the country and domestic life, accepting the unmerited + accusations that followed him as the inevitable reward of those who risk + all to win all, and who succumb after serving as pivot to the political + machine. Knowing nothing of the fortunes, nor of the past, nor of the + future of my family, I was unaware of this devoted service which the Comte + de Mortsauf well remembered. Moreover, the antiquity of our name, the most + precious quality of a man in his eyes, added to the warmth of his + greeting. I knew nothing of these reasons until later; for the time being + the sudden transition to cordiality put me at my ease. When the two + children saw that we were all three fairly engaged in conversation, + Madeleine slipped her head from her father’s hand, glanced at the open + door, and glided away like an eel, Jacques following her. They rejoined + their mother, and I heard their voices and their movements, sounding in + the distance like the murmur of bees about a hive. + </p> + <p> + I watched the count, trying to guess his character, but I became so + interested in certain leading traits that I got no further than a + superficial examination of his personality. Though he was only forty-five + years old, he seemed nearer sixty, so much had the great shipwreck at the + close of the eighteenth century aged him. The crescent of hair which + monastically fringed the back of his head, otherwise completely bald, + ended at the ears in little tufts of gray mingled with black. His face + bore a vague resemblance to that of a white wolf with blood about its + muzzle, for his nose was inflamed and gave signs of a life poisoned at its + springs and vitiated by diseases of long standing. His flat forehead, too + broad for the face beneath it, which ended in a point, and transversely + wrinkled in crooked lines, gave signs of a life in the open air, but not + of any mental activity; it also showed the burden of constant misfortunes, + but not of any efforts made to surmount them. His cheekbones, which were + brown and prominent amid the general pallor of his skin, showed a physical + structure which was likely to ensure him a long life. His hard, + light-yellow eye fell upon mine like a ray of wintry sun, bright without + warmth, anxious without thought, distrustful without conscious cause. His + mouth was violent and domineering, his chin flat and long. Thin and very + tall, he had the bearing of a gentleman who relies upon the conventional + value of his caste, who knows himself above others by right, and beneath + them in fact. The carelessness of country life had made him neglect his + external appearance. His dress was that of a country-man whom peasants and + neighbors no longer considered except for his territorial worth. His brown + and wiry hands showed that he wore no gloves unless he mounted a horse, or + went to church, and his shoes were thick and common. + </p> + <p> + Though ten years of emigration and ten years more of farm-life had changed + his physical condition, he still retained certain vestiges of nobility. + The bitterest liberal (a term not then in circulation) would readily have + admitted his chivalric loyalty and the imperishable convictions of one who + puts his faith to the “Quotidienne”; he would have felt respect for the + man religiously devoted to a cause, honest in his political antipathies, + incapable of serving his party but very capable of injuring it, and + without the slightest real knowledge of the affairs of France. The count + was in fact one of those upright men who are available for nothing, but + stand obstinately in the way of all; ready to die under arms at the post + assigned to them, but preferring to give their life rather than to give + their money. + </p> + <p> + During dinner I detected, in the hanging of his flaccid cheeks and the + covert glances he cast now and then upon his children, the traces of some + wearing thought which showed for a moment upon the surface. Watching him, + who could fail to understand him? Who would not have seen that he had + fatally transmitted to his children those weakly bodies in which the + principle of life was lacking. But if he blamed himself he denied to + others the right to judge him. Harsh as one who knows himself in fault, + yet without greatness of soul or charm to compensate for the weight of + misery he had thrown into the balance, his private life was no doubt the + scene of irascibilities that were plainly revealed in his angular features + and by the incessant restlessness of his eye. When his wife returned, + followed by the children who seemed fastened to her side, I felt the + presence of unhappiness, just as in walking over the roof of a vault the + feet become in some way conscious of the depths below. Seeing these four + human beings together, holding them all as it were in one glance, letting + my eye pass from one to the other, studying their countenances and their + respective attitudes, thoughts steeped in sadness fell upon my heart as a + fine gray rain dims a charming landscape after the sun has risen clear. + </p> + <p> + When the immediate subject of conversation was exhausted the count told + his wife who I was, and related certain circumstances connected with my + family that were wholly unknown to me. He asked me my age. When I told it, + the countess echoed my own exclamation of surprise at her daughter’s age. + Perhaps she had thought me fifteen. Later on, I discovered that this was + still another tie which bound her strongly to me. Even then I read her + soul. Her motherhood quivered with a tardy ray of hope. Seeing me at over + twenty years of age so slight and delicate and yet so nervously strong, a + voice cried to her, “They too will live!” She looked at me searchingly, + and in that moment I felt the barriers of ice melting between us. She + seemed to have many questions to ask, but uttered none. + </p> + <p> + “If study has made you ill,” she said, “the air of our valley will soon + restore you.” + </p> + <p> + “Modern education is fatal to children,” remarked the count. “We stuff + them with mathematics and ruin their health with sciences, and make them + old before their time. You must stay and rest here,” he added, turning to + me. “You are crushed by the avalanche of ideas that have rolled down upon + you. What sort of future will this universal education bring upon us + unless we prevent its evils by replacing public education in the hands of + the religious bodies?” + </p> + <p> + These words were in harmony with a speech he afterwards made at the + elections when he refused his support to a man whose gifts would have done + good service to the royalist cause. “I shall always distrust men of + talent,” he said. + </p> + <p> + Presently the count proposed that we should make the tour of the gardens. + </p> + <p> + “Monsieur—” said his wife. + </p> + <p> + “Well, what, my dear?” he said, turning to her with an arrogant harshness + which showed plainly enough how absolute he chose to be in his own home. + </p> + <p> + “Monsieur de Vandenesse walked from Tours this morning and Monsieur de + Chessel, not aware of it, has already taken him on foot over Frapesle.” + </p> + <p> + “Very imprudent of you,” the count said, turning to me; “but at your age—” + and he shook his head in sign of regret. + </p> + <p> + The conversation was resumed. I soon saw how intractable his royalism was, + and how much care was needed to swim safely in his waters. The + man-servant, who had now put on his livery, announced dinner. Monsieur de + Chessel gave his arm to Madame de Mortsauf, and the count gaily seized + mine to lead me into the dining-room, which was on the ground-floor facing + the salon. + </p> + <p> + This room, floored with white tiles made in Touraine, and wainscoted to + the height of three feet, was hung with a varnished paper divided into + wide panels by wreaths of flowers and fruit; the windows had cambric + curtains trimmed with red, the buffets were old pieces by Boulle himself, + and the woodwork of the chairs, which were covered by hand-made tapestry, + was carved oak. The dinner, plentifully supplied, was not luxurious; + family silver without uniformity, Dresden china which was not then in + fashion, octagonal decanters, knives with agate handles, and lacquered + trays beneath the wine-bottles, were the chief features of the table, but + flowers adorned the porcelain vases and overhung the gilding of their + fluted edges. I delighted in these quaint old things. I thought the + Reveillon paper with its flowery garlands beautiful. The sweet content + that filled my sails hindered me from perceiving the obstacles which a + life so uniform, so unvarying in solitude of the country placed between + her and me. I was near her, sitting at her right hand, serving her with + wine. Yes, unhoped-for joy! I touched her dress, I ate her bread. At the + end of three hours my life had mingled with her life! That terrible kiss + had bound us to each other in a secret which inspired us with mutual + shame. A glorious self-abasement took possession of me. I studied to + please the count, I fondled the dogs, I would gladly have gratified every + desire of the children, I would have brought them hoops and marbles and + played horse with them; I was even provoked that they did not already + fasten upon me as a thing of their own. Love has intuitions like those of + genius; and I dimly perceived that gloom, discontent, hostility would + destroy my footing in that household. + </p> + <p> + The dinner passed with inward happiness on my part. Feeling that I was + there, under her roof, I gave no heed to her obvious coldness, nor to the + count’s indifference masked by his politeness. Love, like life, has an + adolescence during which period it suffices unto itself. I made several + stupid replies induced by the tumults of passion, but no one perceived + their cause, not even SHE, who knew nothing of love. The rest of my visit + was a dream, a dream which did not cease until by moonlight on that warm + and balmy night I recrossed the Indre, watching the white visions that + embellished meadows, shores, and hills, and listening to the clear song, + the matchless note, full of deep melancholy and uttered only in still + weather, of a tree-frog whose scientific name is unknown to me. Since that + solemn evening I have never heard it without infinite delight. A sense + came to me then of the marble wall against which my feelings had hitherto + dashed themselves. Would it be always so? I fancied myself under some + fatal spell; the unhappy events of my past life rose up and struggled with + the purely personal pleasure I had just enjoyed. Before reaching Frapesle + I turned to look at Clochegourde and saw beneath its windows a little + boat, called in Touraine a punt, fastened to an ash-tree and swaying on + the water. This punt belonged to Monsieur de Mortsauf, who used it for + fishing. + </p> + <p> + “Well,” said Monsieur de Chessel, when we were out of ear-shot. “I needn’t + ask if you found those shoulders; I must, however, congratulate you on the + reception Monsieur de Mortsauf gave you. The devil! you stepped into his + heart at once.” + </p> + <p> + These words followed by those I have already quoted to you raised my + spirits. I had not as yet said a word, and Monsieur de Chessel may have + attributed my silence to happiness. + </p> + <p> + “How do you mean?” I asked. + </p> + <p> + “He never, to my knowledge, received any one so well.” + </p> + <p> + “I will admit that I am rather surprised myself,” I said, conscious of a + certain bitterness underlying my companion’s speech. + </p> + <p> + Though I was too inexpert in social matters to understand its cause, I was + much struck by the feeling Monsieur de Chessel betrayed. His real name was + Durand, but he had had the weakness to discard the name of a worthy + father, a merchant who had made a large fortune under the Revolution. His + wife was sole heiress of the Chessels, an old parliamentary family under + Henry IV., belonging to the middle classes, as did most of the Parisian + magistrates. Ambitious of higher flights Monsieur de Chessel endeavored to + smother the original Durand. He first called himself Durand de Chessel, + then D. de Chessel, and that made him Monsieur de Chessel. Under the + Restoration he entailed an estate with the title of count in virtue of + letters-patent from Louis XVIII. His children reaped the fruits of his + audacity without knowing what it cost him in sarcastic comments. Parvenus + are like monkeys, whose cleverness they possess; we watch them climbing, + we admire their agility, but once at the summit we see only their absurd + and contemptible parts. The reverse side of my host’s character was made + up of pettiness with the addition of envy. The peerage and he were on + diverging lines. To have an ambition and gratify it shows merely the + insolence of strength, but to live below one’s avowed ambition is a + constant source of ridicule to petty minds. Monsieur de Chessel did not + advance with the straightforward step of a strong man. Twice elected + deputy, twice defeated; yesterday director-general, to-day nothing at all, + not even prefect, his successes and his defeats had injured his nature, + and given him the sourness of invalided ambition. Though a brave man and a + witty one and capable of great things, envy, which is the root of + existence in Touraine, the inhabitants of which employ their native genius + in jealousy of all things, injured him in upper social circles, where a + dissatisfied man, frowning at the success of others, slow at compliments + and ready at epigram, seldom succeeds. Had he sought less he might perhaps + have obtained more; but unhappily he had enough genuine superiority to + make him wish to advance in his own way. + </p> + <p> + At this particular time Monsieur de Chessel’s ambition had a second dawn. + Royalty smiled upon him, and he was now affecting the grand manner. Still + he was, I must say, most kind to me, and he pleased me for the very simple + reason that with him I had found peace and rest for the first time. The + interest, possibly very slight, which he showed in my affairs, seemed to + me, lonely and rejected as I was, an image of paternal love. His + hospitable care contrasted so strongly with the neglect to which I was + accustomed, that I felt a childlike gratitude to the home where no fetters + bound me and where I was welcomed and even courted. + </p> + <p> + The owners of Frapesle are so associated with the dawn of my life’s + happiness that I mingle them in all those memories I love to revive. + Later, and more especially in connection with his letters-patent, I had + the pleasure of doing my host some service. Monsieur de Chessel enjoyed + his wealth with an ostentation that gave umbrage to certain of his + neighbors. He was able to vary and renew his fine horses and elegant + equipages; his wife dressed exquisitely; he received on a grand scale; his + servants were more numerous than his neighbors approved; for all of which + he was said to be aping princes. The Frapesle estate is immense. Before + such luxury as this the Comte de Mortsauf, with one family cariole,—which + in Touraine is something between a coach without springs and a + post-chaise,—forced by limited means to let or farm Clochegourde, + was Tourangean up to the time when royal favor restored the family to a + distinction possibly unlooked for. His greeting to me, the younger son of + a ruined family whose escutcheon dated back to the Crusades, was intended + to show contempt for the large fortune and to belittle the possessions, + the woods, the arable lands, the meadows, of a neighbor who was not of + noble birth. Monsieur de Chessel fully understood this. They always met + politely; but there was none of that daily intercourse or that agreeable + intimacy which ought to have existed between Clochegourde and Frapesle, + two estates separated only by the Indre, and whose mistresses could have + beckoned to each other from their windows. + </p> + <p> + Jealousy, however, was not the sole reason for the solitude in which the + Count de Mortsauf lived. His early education was that of the children of + great families,—an incomplete and superficial instruction as to + knowledge, but supplemented by the training of society, the habits of a + court life, and the exercise of important duties under the crown or in + eminent offices. Monsieur de Mortsauf had emigrated at the very moment + when the second stage of his education was about to begin, and accordingly + that training was lacking to him. He was one of those who believed in the + immediate restoration of the monarchy; with that conviction in his mind, + his exile was a long and miserable period of idleness. When the army of + Conde, which his courage led him to join with the utmost devotion, was + disbanded, he expected to find some other post under the white flag, and + never sought, like other emigrants, to take up an industry. Perhaps he had + not the sort of courage that could lay aside his name and earn his living + in the sweat of a toil he despised. His hopes, daily postponed to the + morrow, and possibly a scruple of honor, kept him from offering his + services to foreign powers. Trials undermined his courage. Long tramps + afoot on insufficient nourishment, and above all, on hopes betrayed, + injured his health and discouraged his mind. By degrees he became utterly + destitute. If to some men misery is a tonic, on others it acts as a + dissolvent; and the count was of the latter. + </p> + <p> + Reflecting on the life of this poor Touraine gentleman, tramping and + sleeping along the highroads of Hungary, sharing the mutton of Prince + Esterhazy’s shepherds, from whom the foot-worn traveller begged the food + he would not, as a gentleman, have accepted at the table of the master, + and refusing again and again to do service to the enemies of France, I + never found it in my heart to feel bitterness against him, even when I saw + him at his worst in after days. The natural gaiety of a Frenchman and a + Tourangean soon deserted him; he became morose, fell ill, and was + charitably cared for in some German hospital. His disease was an + inflammation of the mesenteric membrane, which is often fatal, and is + liable, even if cured, to change the constitution and produce + hypochondria. His love affairs, carefully buried out of sight and which I + alone discovered, were low-lived, and not only destroyed his health but + ruined his future. + </p> + <p> + After twelve years of great misery he made his way to France, under the + decree of the Emperor which permitted the return of the emigrants. As the + wretched wayfarer crossed the Rhine and saw the tower of Strasburg against + the evening sky, his strength gave way. “‘France! France!’ I cried. ‘I see + France!’” (he said to me) “as a child cries ‘Mother!’ when it is hurt.” + Born to wealth, he was now poor; made to command a regiment or govern a + province, he was now without authority and without a future; + constitutionally healthy and robust, he returned infirm and utterly worn + out. Without enough education to take part among men and affairs, now + broadened and enlarged by the march of events, necessarily without + influence of any kind, he lived despoiled of everything, of his moral + strength as well as his physical. Want of money made his name a burden. + His unalterable opinions, his antecedents with the army of Conde, his + trials, his recollections, his wasted health, gave him susceptibilities + which are but little spared in France, that land of jest and sarcasm. Half + dead he reached Maine, where, by some accident of the civil war, the + revolutionary government had forgotten to sell one of his farms of + considerable extent, which his farmer had held for him by giving out that + he himself was the owner of it. + </p> + <p> + When the Lenoncourt family, living at Givry, an estate not far from this + farm, heard of the arrival of the Comte de Mortsauf, the Duc de Lenoncourt + invited him to stay at Givry while a house was being prepared for him. The + Lenoncourt family were nobly generous to him, and with them he remained + some months, struggling to hide his sufferings during that first period of + rest. The Lenoncourts had themselves lost an immense property. By birth + Monsieur de Mortsauf was a suitable husband for their daughter. + Mademoiselle de Lenoncourt, instead of rejecting a marriage with a feeble + and worn-out man of thirty-five, seemed satisfied to accept it. It gave + her the opportunity of living with her aunt, the Duchesse de Verneuil, + sister of the Prince de Blamont-Chauvry, who was like a mother to her. + </p> + <p> + Madame de Verneuil, the intimate friend of the Duchesse de Bourbon, was a + member of the devout society of which Monsieur Saint-Martin (born in + Touraine and called the Philosopher of Mystery) was the soul. The + disciples of this philosopher practised the virtues taught them by the + lofty doctrines of mystical illumination. These doctrines hold the key to + worlds divine; they explain existence by reincarnations through which the + human spirit rises to its sublime destiny; they liberate duty from its + legal degradation, enable the soul to meet the trials of life with the + unalterable serenity of the Quaker, ordain contempt for the sufferings of + this life, and inspire a fostering care of that angel within us who allies + us to the divine. It is stoicism with an immortal future. Active prayer + and pure love are the elements of this faith, which is born of the Roman + Church but returns to the Christianity of the primitive faith. + Mademoiselle de Lenoncourt remained, however, in the Catholic communion, + to which her aunt was equally bound. Cruelly tried by revolutionary + horrors, the Duchesse de Verneuil acquired in the last years of her life a + halo of passionate piety, which, to use the phraseology of Saint-Martin, + shed the light of celestial love and the chrism of inward joy upon the + soul of her cherished niece. + </p> + <p> + After the death of her aunt, Madame de Mortsauf received several visits at + Clochegourde from Saint-Martin, a man of peace and of virtuous wisdom. It + was at Clochegourde that he corrected his last books, printed at Tours by + Letourmy. Madame de Verneuil, wise with the wisdom of an old woman who has + known the stormy straits of life, gave Clochegourde to the young wife for + her married home; and with the grace of old age, so perfect where it + exists, the duchess yielded everything to her niece, reserving for herself + only one room above the one she had always occupied, and which she now + fitted up for the countess. Her sudden death threw a gloom over the early + days of the marriage, and connected Clochegourde with ideas of sadness in + the sensitive mind of the bride. The first period of her settlement in + Touraine was to Madame de Mortsauf, I cannot say the happiest, but the + least troubled of her life. + </p> + <p> + After the many trials of his exile, Monsieur de Mortsauf, taking comfort + in the thought of a secure future, had a certain recovery of mind; he + breathed anew in this sweet valley the intoxicating essence of revived + hope. Compelled to husband his means, he threw himself into agricultural + pursuits and began to find some happiness in life. But the birth of his + first child, Jacques, was a thunderbolt which ruined both the past and the + future. The doctor declared the child had not vitality enough to live. The + count concealed this sentence from the mother; but he sought other advice, + and received the same fatal answer, the truth of which was confirmed at + the subsequent birth of Madeleine. These events and a certain inward + consciousness of the cause of this disaster increased the diseased + tendencies of the man himself. His name doomed to extinction, a pure and + irreproachable young woman made miserable beside him and doomed to the + anguish of maternity without its joys—this uprising of his former + into his present life, with its growth of new sufferings, crushed his + spirit and completed its destruction. + </p> + <p> + The countess guessed the past from the present, and read the future. + Though nothing is so difficult as to make a man happy when he knows + himself to blame, she set herself to that task, which is worthy of an + angel. She became stoical. Descending into an abyss, whence she still + could see the sky, she devoted herself to the care of one man as the + sister of charity devotes herself to many. To reconcile him with himself, + she forgave him that for which he had no forgiveness. The count grew + miserly; she accepted the privations he imposed. Like all who have known + the world only to acquire its suspiciousness, he feared betrayal; she + lived in solitude and yielded without a murmur to his mistrust. With a + woman’s tact she made him will to do that which was right, till he fancied + the ideas were his own, and thus enjoyed in his own person the honors of a + superiority that was never his. After due experience of married life, she + came to the resolution of never leaving Clochegourde; for she saw the + hysterical tendencies of the count’s nature, and feared the outbreaks + which might be talked of in that gossipping and jealous neighborhood to + the injury of her children. Thus, thanks to her, no one suspected Monsieur + de Mortsauf’s real incapacity, for she wrapped his ruins in a mantle of + ivy. The fickle, not merely discontented but embittered nature of the man + found rest and ease in his wife; his secret anguish was lessened by the + balm she shed upon it. + </p> + <p> + This brief history is in part a summary of that forced from Monsieur de + Chessel by his inward vexation. His knowledge of the world enabled him to + penetrate several of the mysteries of Clochegourde. But the prescience of + love could not be misled by the sublime attitude with which Madame de + Mortsauf deceived the world. When alone in my little bedroom, a sense of + the full truth made me spring from my bed; I could not bear to stay at + Frapesle when I saw the lighted windows of Clochegourde. I dressed, went + softly down, and left the chateau by the door of a tower at the foot of a + winding stairway. The coolness of the night calmed me. I crossed the Indre + by the bridge at the Red Mill, took the ever-blessed punt, and rowed in + front of Clochegourde, where a brilliant light was streaming from a window + looking towards Azay. + </p> + <p> + Again I plunged into my old meditations; but they were now peaceful, + intermingled with the love-note of the nightingale and the solitary cry of + the sedge-warbler. Ideas glided like fairies through my mind, lifting the + black veil which had hidden till then the glorious future. Soul and senses + were alike charmed. With what passion my thoughts rose to her! Again and + again I cried, with the repetition of a madman, “Will she be mine?” During + the preceding days the universe had enlarged to me, but now in a single + night I found its centre. On her my will and my ambition henceforth + fastened; I desired to be all in all to her, that I might heal and fill + her lacerated heart. + </p> + <p> + Beautiful was that night beneath her windows, amid the murmur of waters + rippling through the sluices, broken only by a voice that told the hours + from the clock-tower of Sache. During those hours of darkness bathed in + light, when this sidereal flower illumined my existence, I betrothed to + her my soul with the faith of the poor Castilian knight whom we laugh at + in the pages of Cervantes,—a faith, nevertheless, with which all + love begins. + </p> + <p> + At the first gleam of day, the first note of the waking birds, I fled back + among the trees of Frapesle and reached the house; no one had seen me, no + one suspected by absence, and I slept soundly until the bell rang for + breakfast. When the meal was over I went down, in spite of the heat, to + the meadow-lands for another sight of the Indre and its isles, the valley + and its slopes, of which I seemed so passionate an admirer. But once + there, thanks to a swiftness of foot like that of a loose horse, I + returned to my punt, the willows, and Clochegourde. All was silent and + palpitating, as a landscape is at midday in summer. The still foliage lay + sharply defined on the blue of the sky; the insects that live by light, + the dragon-flies, the cantharides, were flying among the reeds and the + ash-trees; cattle chewed the cud in the shade, the ruddy earth of the + vineyards glowed, the adders glided up and down the banks. What a change + in the sparkling and coquettish landscape while I slept! I sprang suddenly + from the boat and ran up the road which went round Clochegourde for I + fancied that I saw the count coming out. I was not mistaken; he was + walking beside the hedge, evidently making for a gate on the road to Azay + which followed the bank of the river. + </p> + <p> + “How are you this morning, Monsieur le comte?” + </p> + <p> + He looked at me pleasantly, not being used to hear himself thus addressed. + </p> + <p> + “Quite well,” he answered. “You must love the country, to be rambling + about in this heat!” + </p> + <p> + “I was sent here to live in the open air.” + </p> + <p> + “Then what do you say to coming with me to see them cut my rye?” + </p> + <p> + “Gladly,” I replied. “I’ll own to you that my ignorance is past belief; I + don’t know rye from wheat, nor a poplar from an aspen; I know nothing of + farming, nor of the various methods of cultivating the soil.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, come and learn,” he cried gaily, returning upon his steps. “Come in + by the little gate above.” + </p> + <p> + The count walked back along the hedge, he being within it and I without. + </p> + <p> + “You will learn nothing from Monsieur de Chessel,” he remarked; “he is + altogether too fine a gentleman to do more than receive the reports of his + bailiff.” + </p> + <p> + The count then showed me his yards and the farm buildings, the + pleasure-grounds, orchards, vineyards, and kitchen garden, until we + finally came to the long alley of acacias and ailanthus beside the river, + at the end of which I saw Madame de Mortsauf sitting on a bench, with her + children. A woman is very lovely under the light and quivering shade of + such foliage. Surprised, perhaps, at my prompt visit, she did not move, + knowing very well that we should go to her. The count made me admire the + view of the valley, which at this point is totally different from that + seen from the heights above. Here I might have thought myself in a corner + of Switzerland. The meadows, furrowed with little brooks which flow into + the Indre, can be seen to their full extent till lost in the misty + distance. Towards Montbazon the eye ranges over a vast green plain; in all + other directions it is stopped by hills, by masses of trees, and rocks. We + quickened our steps as we approached Madame de Mortsauf, who suddenly + dropped the book in which Madeleine was reading to her and took Jacques + upon her knees, in the paroxysms of a violent cough. + </p> + <p> + “What’s the matter?” cried the count, turning livid. + </p> + <p> + “A sore throat,” answered the mother, who seemed not to see me; “but it is + nothing serious.” + </p> + <p> + She was holding the child by the head and body, and her eyes seemed to + shed two rays of life into the poor frail creature. + </p> + <p> + “You are so extraordinarily imprudent,” said the count, sharply; “you + expose him to the river damps and let him sit on a stone bench.” + </p> + <p> + “Why, papa, the stone is burning hot,” cried Madeleine. + </p> + <p> + “They were suffocating higher up,” said the countess. + </p> + <p> + “Women always want to prove they are right,” said the count, turning to + me. + </p> + <p> + To avoid agreeing or disagreeing with him by word or look I watched + Jacques, who complained of his throat. His mother carried him away, but as + she did so she heard her husband say:— + </p> + <p> + “When they have brought such sickly children into the world they ought to + learn how to take care of them.” + </p> + <p> + Words that were cruelly unjust; but his self-love drove him to defend + himself at the expense of his wife. The countess hurried up the steps and + across the portico, and I saw her disappear through the glass door. + Monsieur de Mortsauf seated himself on the bench, his head bowed in gloomy + silence. My position became annoying; he neither spoke nor looked at me. + Farewell to the walk he had proposed, in the course of which I had hoped + to fathom him. I hardly remember a more unpleasant moment. Ought I to go + away, or should I not go? How many painful thoughts must have arisen in + his mind, to make him forget to follow Jacques and learn how he was! At + last however he rose abruptly and came towards me. We both turned and + looked at the smiling valley. + </p> + <p> + “We will put off our walk to another day, Monsieur le comte,” I said + gently. + </p> + <p> + “No, let us go,” he replied. “Unfortunately, I am accustomed to such + scenes—I, who would give my life without the slightest regret to + save that of the child.” + </p> + <p> + “Jacques is better, my dear; he has gone to sleep,” said a golden voice. + Madame de Mortsauf suddenly appeared at the end of the path. She came + forward, without bitterness or ill-will, and bowed to me. + </p> + <p> + “I am glad to see that you like Clochegourde,” she said. + </p> + <p> + “My dear, should you like me to ride over and fetch Monsieur Deslandes?” + said the count, as if wishing her to forgive his injustice. + </p> + <p> + “Don’t be worried,” she said. “Jacques did not sleep last night, that’s + all. The child is very nervous; he had a bad dream, and I told him stories + all night to keep him quiet. His cough is purely nervous; I have stilled + it with a lozenge, and he has gone to sleep.” + </p> + <p> + “Poor woman!” said her husband, taking her hand in his and giving her a + tearful look, “I knew nothing of it.” + </p> + <p> + “Why should you be troubled when there is no occasion?” she replied. “Now + go and attend to the rye. You know if you are not there the men will let + the gleaners of the other villages get into the field before the sheaves + are carried away.” + </p> + <p> + “I am going to take a first lesson in agriculture, madame,” I said to her. + </p> + <p> + “You have a very good master,” she replied, motioning towards the count, + whose mouth screwed itself into that smile of satisfaction which is + vulgarly termed a “bouche en coeur.” + </p> + <p> + Two months later I learned she had passed that night in great anxiety, + fearing that her son had the croup; while I was in the boat, rocked by + thoughts of love, imagined that she might see me from her window adoring + the gleam of the candle which was then lighting a forehead furrowed by + fears! The croup prevailed at Tours, and was often fatal. When we were + outside the gate, the count said in a voice of emotion, “Madame de + Mortsauf is an angel!” The words staggered me. As yet I knew but little of + the family, and the natural conscience of a young soul made me exclaim + inwardly: “What right have I to trouble this perfect peace?” + </p> + <p> + Glad to find a listener in a young man over whom he could lord it so + easily, the count talked to me of the future which the return of the + Bourbons would secure to France. We had a desultory conversation, in which + I listened to much childish nonsense which positively amazed me. He was + ignorant of facts susceptible of proof that might be called geometric; he + feared persons of education; he rejected superiority, and scoffed, perhaps + with some reason, at progress. I discovered in his nature a number of + sensitive fibres which it required the utmost caution not to wound; so + that a conversation with him of any length was a positive strain upon the + mind. When I had, as it were, felt of his defects, I conformed to them + with the same suppleness that his wife showed in soothing him. Later in + life I should certainly have made him angry, but now, humble as a child, + supposing that I knew nothing and believing that men in their prime knew + all, I was genuinely amazed at the results obtained at Clochegourde by + this patient agriculturist. I listened admiringly to his plans; and with + an involuntary flattery which won his good-will, I envied him the estate + and its outlook—a terrestrial paradise, I called it, far superior to + Frapesle. + </p> + <p> + “Frapesle,” I said, “is a massive piece of plate, but Clochegourde is a + jewel-case of gems,”—a speech which he often quoted, giving credit + to its author. + </p> + <p> + “Before we came here,” he said, “it was desolation itself.” + </p> + <p> + I was all ears when he told of his seed-fields and nurseries. New to + country life, I besieged him with questions about prices, means of + preparing and working the soil, etc., and he seemed glad to answer all in + detail. + </p> + <p> + “What in the world do they teach you in your colleges?” he exclaimed at + last in astonishment. + </p> + <p> + On this first day the count said to his wife when he reached home, + “Monsieur Felix is a charming young man.” + </p> + <p> + That evening I wrote to my mother and asked her to send my clothes and + linen, saying that I should remain at Frapesle. Ignorant of the great + revolution which was just taking place, and not perceiving the influence + it was to have upon my fate, I expected to return to Paris to resume my + legal studies. The Law School did not open till the first week in + November; meantime I had two months and a half before me. + </p> + <p> + The first part of my stay, while I studied to understand the count, was a + period of painful impressions to me. I found him a man of extreme + irascibility without adequate cause; hasty in action in hazardous cases to + a degree that alarmed me. Sometimes he showed glimpses of the brave + gentleman of Conde’s army, parabolic flashes of will such as may, in times + of emergency, tear through politics like bomb-shells, and may also, by + virtue of honesty and courage, make a man condemned to live buried on his + property an Elbee, a Bonchamp, or a Charette. In presence of certain ideas + his nostril contracted, his forehead cleared, and his eyes shot + lightnings, which were soon quenched. Sometimes I feared he might detect + the language of my eyes and kill me. I was young then and merely tender. + Will, that force that alters men so strangely, had scarcely dawned within + me. My passionate desires shook me with an emotion that was like the + throes of fear. Death I feared not, but I would not die until I knew the + happiness of mutual love—But how tell of what I felt! I was a prey + to perplexity; I hoped for some fortunate chance; I watched; I made the + children love me; I tried to identify myself with the family. + </p> + <p> + Little by little the count restrained himself less in my presence. I came + to know his sudden outbreaks of temper, his deep and ceaseless melancholy, + his flashes of brutality, his bitter, cutting complaints, his cold + hatreds, his impulses of latent madness, his childish moans, his cries of + a man’s despair, his unexpected fury. The moral nature differs from the + physical nature inasmuch as nothing is absolute in it. The force of + effects is in direct proportion to the characters or the ideas which are + grouped around some fact. My position at Clochegourde, my future life, + depended on this one eccentric will. + </p> + <p> + I cannot describe to you the distress that filled my soul (as quick in + those days to expand as to contract), whenever I entered Clochegourde, and + asked myself, “How will he receive me?” With what anxiety of heart I saw + the clouds collecting on that stormy brow. I lived in a perpetual + “qui-vive.” I fell under the dominion of that man; and the sufferings I + endured taught me to understand those of Madame de Mortsauf. We began by + exchanging looks of comprehension; tried by the same fire, how many + discoveries I made during those first forty days!—of actual + bitterness, of tacit joys, of hopes alternately submerged and buoyant. One + evening I found her pensively watching a sunset which reddened the summits + with so ravishing a glow that it was impossible not to listen to that + voice of the eternal Song of Songs by which Nature herself bids all her + creatures love. Did the lost illusions of her girlhood return to her? Did + the woman suffer from an inward comparison? I fancied I perceived a + desolation in her attitude that was favorable to my first appeal, and I + said, “Some days are hard to bear.” + </p> + <p> + “You read my soul,” she answered; “but how have you done so?” + </p> + <p> + “We touch at many points,” I replied. “Surely we belong to the small + number of human beings born to the highest joys and the deepest sorrows; + whose feeling qualities vibrate in unison and echo each other inwardly; + whose sensitive natures are in harmony with the principle of things. Put + such beings among surroundings where all is discord and they suffer + horribly, just as their happiness mounts to exaltation when they meet + ideas, or feelings, or other beings who are congenial to them. But there + is still a third condition, where sorrows are known only to souls affected + by the same distress; in this alone is the highest fraternal + comprehension. It may happen that such souls find no outlet either for + good or evil. Then the organ within us endowed with expression and motion + is exercised in a void, expends its passion without an object, utters + sounds without melody, and cries that are lost in solitude,—terrible + defeat of a soul which revolts against the inutility of nothingness. These + are struggles in which our strength oozes away without restraint, as blood + from an inward wound. The sensibilities flow to waste and the result is a + horrible weakening of the soul; an indescribable melancholy for which the + confessional itself has no ears. Have I not expressed our mutual + sufferings?” + </p> + <p> + She shuddered, and then without removing her eyes from the setting sun, + she said, “How is it that, young as you are, you know these things? Were + you once a woman?” + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” I replied, “my childhood was like a long illness—” + </p> + <p> + “I hear Madeleine coughing,” she cried, leaving me abruptly. + </p> + <p> + The countess showed no displeasure at my constant visits, and for two + reasons. In the first place she was pure as a child, and her thoughts + wandered into no forbidden regions; in the next I amused the count and + made a sop for that lion without claws or mane. I found an excuse for my + visits which seemed plausible to every one. Monsieur de Mortsauf proposed + to teach me backgammon, and I accepted; as I did so the countess was + betrayed into a look of compassion, which seemed to say, “You are flinging + yourself into the jaws of the lion.” If I did not understand this at the + time, three days had not passed before I knew what I had undertaken. My + patience, which nothing exhausts, the fruit of my miserable childhood, + ripened under this last trial. The count was delighted when he could jeer + at me for not putting in practice the principles or the rules he had + explained; if I reflected before I played he complained of my slowness; if + I played fast he was angry because I hurried him; if I forgot to mark my + points he declared, making his profit out of the mistake, that I was + always too rapid. It was like the tyranny of a schoolmaster, the despotism + of the rod, of which I can really give you no idea unless I compare myself + to Epictetus under the yoke of a malicious child. When we played for money + his winnings gave him the meanest and most abject delight. + </p> + <p> + A word from his wife was enough to console me, and it frequently recalled + him to a sense of politeness and good-breeding. But before long I fell + into the furnace of an unexpected misery. My money was disappearing under + these losses. Though the count was always present during my visits until I + left the house, which was sometimes very late, I cherished the hope of + finding some moment when I might say a word that would reach my idol’s + heart; but to obtain that moment, for which I watched and waited with a + hunter’s painful patience, I was forced to continue these weary games, + during which my feelings were lacerated and my money lost. Still, there + were moments when we were silent, she and I, looking at the sunlight on + the meadows, the clouds in a gray sky, the misty hills, or the quivering + of the moon on the sandbanks of the river; saying only, “Night is + beautiful!” + </p> + <p> + “Night is woman, madame.” + </p> + <p> + “What tranquillity!” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, no one can be absolutely wretched here.” + </p> + <p> + Then she would return to her embroidery frame. I came at last to hear the + inward beatings of an affection which sought its object. But the fact + remained—without money, farewell to these evenings. I wrote to my + mother to send me some. She scolded me and sent only enough to last a + week. Where could I get more? My life depended on it. Thus it happened + that in the dawn of my first great happiness I found the same sufferings + that assailed me elsewhere; but in Paris, at college, at school I evaded + them by abstinence; there my privations were negative, at Frapesle they + were active; so active that I was possessed by the impulse to theft, by + visions of crime, furious desperations which rend the soul and must be + subdued under pain of losing our self-respect. The memory of what I + suffered through my mother’s parsimony taught me that indulgence for young + men which one who has stood upon the brink of the abyss and measured its + depths, without falling into them, must inevitably feel. Though my own + rectitude was strengthened by those moments when life opened and let me + see the rocks and quicksands beneath the surface, I have never known that + terrible thing called human justice draw its blade through the throat of a + criminal without saying to myself: “Penal laws are made by men who have + never known misery.” + </p> + <p> + At this crisis I happened to find a treatise on backgammon in Monsieur de + Chessel’s library, and I studied it. My host was kind enough to give me a + few lessons; less harshly taught by the count I made good progress and + applied the rules and calculations I knew by heart. Within a few days I + was able to beat Monsieur de Mortsauf; but no sooner had I done so and won + his money for the first time than his temper became intolerable; his eyes + glittered like those of tigers, his face shrivelled, his brows knit as I + never saw brows knit before or since. His complainings were those of a + fretful child. Sometimes he flung down the dice, quivered with rage, bit + the dice-box, and said insulting things to me. Such violence, however, + came to an end. When I had acquired enough mastery of the game I played it + to suit me; I so managed that we were nearly equal up to the last moment; + I allowed him to win the first half and made matters even during the last + half. The end of the world would have surprised him less than the rapid + superiority of his pupil; but he never admitted it. The unvarying result + of our games was a topic of discourse on which he fastened. + </p> + <p> + “My poor head,” he would say, “is fatigued; you manage to win the last of + the game because by that time I lose my skill.” + </p> + <p> + The countess, who knew backgammon, understood my manoeuvres from the + first, and gave me those mute thanks which swell the heart of a young man; + she granted me the same look she gave to her children. From that + ever-blessed evening she always looked at me when she spoke. I cannot + explain to you the condition I was in when I left her. My soul had + annihilated my body; it weighed nothing; I did not walk, I flew. That look + I carried within me; it bathed me with light just as her last words, + “Adieu, monsieur,” still sounded in my soul with the harmonies of “O + filii, o filioe” in the paschal choir. I was born into a new life, I was + something to her! I slept on purple and fine linen. Flames darted before + my closed eyelids, chasing each other in the darkness like threads of fire + in the ashes of burned paper. In my dreams her voice became, though I + cannot describe it, palpable, an atmosphere of light and fragrance + wrapping me, a melody enfolding my spirit. On the morrow her greeting + expressed the fulness of feelings that remained unuttered, and from that + moment I was initiated into the secrets of her voice. + </p> + <p> + That day was to be one of the most decisive of my life. After dinner we + walked on the heights across a barren plain where no herbage grew; the + ground was stony, arid, and without vegetable soil of any kind; + nevertheless a few scrub oaks and thorny bushes straggled there, and in + place of grass, a carpet of crimped mosses, illuminated by the setting sun + and so dry that our feet slipped upon it. I held Madeleine by the hand to + keep her up. Madame de Mortsauf was leading Jacques. The count, who was in + front, suddenly turned round and striking the earth with his cane said to + me in a dreadful tone: “Such is my life!—but before I knew you,” he + added with a look of penitence at his wife. The reparation was tardy, for + the countess had turned pale; what woman would not have staggered as she + did under the blow? + </p> + <p> + “But what delightful scenes are wafted here, and what a view of the + sunset!” I cried. “For my part I should like to own this barren moor; I + fancy there may be treasures if we dig for them. But its greatest wealth + is that of being near you. Who would not pay a great cost for such a view?—all + harmony to the eye, with that winding river where the soul may bathe among + the ash-trees and the alders. See the difference of taste! To you this + spot of earth is a barren waste; to me, it is paradise.” + </p> + <p> + She thanked me with a look. + </p> + <p> + “Bucolics!” exclaimed the count, with a bitter look. “This is no life for + a man who bears your name.” Then he suddenly changed his tone—“The + bells!” he cried, “don’t you hear the bells of Azay? I hear them ringing.” + </p> + <p> + Madame de Mortsauf gave me a frightened look. Madeleine clung to my hand. + </p> + <p> + “Suppose we play a game of backgammon?” I said. “Let us go back; the + rattle of the dice will drown the sound of the bells.” + </p> + <p> + We returned to Clochegourde, conversing by fits and starts. Once in the + salon an indefinable uncertainty and dread took possession of us. The + count flung himself into an armchair, absorbed in reverie, which his wife, + who knew the symptoms of his malady and could foresee an outbreak, was + careful not to interrupt. I also kept silence. As she gave me no hint to + leave, perhaps she thought backgammon might divert the count’s mind and + quiet those fatal nervous susceptibilities, the excitements of which were + killing him. Nothing was ever harder than to make him play that game, + which, however, he had a great desire to play. Like a pretty woman, he + always required to be coaxed, entreated, forced, so that he might not seem + the obliged person. If by chance, being interested in the conversation, I + forgot to propose it, he grew sulky, bitter, insulting, and spoiled the + talk by contradicting everything. If, warned by his ill-humor, I suggested + a game, he would dally and demur. “In the first place, it is too late,” he + would say; “besides, I don’t care for it.” Then followed a series of + affectations like those of women, which often leave you in ignorance of + their real wishes. + </p> + <p> + On this occasion I pretended a wild gaiety to induce him to play. He + complained of giddiness which hindered him from calculating; his brain, he + said, was squeezed into a vice; he heard noises, he was choking; and + thereupon he sighed heavily. At last, however, he consented to the game. + Madame de Mortsauf left us to put the children to bed and lead the + household in family prayers. All went well during her absence; I allowed + Monsieur de Mortsauf to win, and his delight seemed to put him beside + himself. This sudden change from a gloom that led him to make the darkest + predictions to the wild joy of a drunken man, expressed in a crazy laugh + and without any adequate motive, distressed and alarmed me. I had never + seen him in quite so marked a paroxysm. Our intimacy had borne fruits in + the fact that he no longer restrained himself before me. Day by day he had + endeavored to bring me under his tyranny, and obtain fresh food, as it + were, for his evil temper; for it really seems as though moral diseases + were creatures with appetites and instincts, seeking to enlarge the + boundaries of their empire as a landowner seeks to increase his domain. + </p> + <p> + Presently the countess came down, and sat close to the backgammon table, + apparently for better light on her embroidery, though the anxiety which + led her to place her frame was ill-concealed. A piece of fatal ill-luck + which I could not prevent changed the count’s face; from gaiety it fell to + gloom, from purple it became yellow, and his eyes rolled. Then followed + worse ill-luck, which I could neither avert nor repair. Monsieur de + Mortsauf made a fatal throw which decided the game. Instantly he sprang + up, flung the table at me and the lamp on the floor, struck the + chimney-piece with his fist and jumped, for I cannot say he walked, about + the room. The torrent of insults, imprecations, and incoherent words which + rushed from his lips would have made an observer think of the old tales of + satanic possession in the Middle Ages. Imagine my position! + </p> + <p> + “Go into the garden,” said the countess, pressing my hand. + </p> + <p> + I left the room before the count could notice my disappearance. On the + terrace, where I slowly walked about, I heard his shouts and then his + moans from the bedroom which adjoined the dining-room. Also I heard at + intervals through that tempest of sound the voice of an angel, which rose + like the song of a nightingale as the rain ceases. I walked about under + the acacias in the loveliest night of the month of August, waiting for the + countess to join me. I knew she would come; her gesture promised it. For + several days an explanation seemed to float between us; a word would + suffice to send it gushing from the spring, overfull, in our souls. What + timidity had thus far delayed a perfect understanding between us? Perhaps + she loved, as I did, these quiverings of the spirit which resembled + emotions of fear and numbed the sensibilities while we held our life + unuttered within us, hesitating to unveil its secrets with the modesty of + the young girl before the husband she loves. An hour passed. I was sitting + on the brick balustrade when the sound of her footsteps blending with the + undulating ripple of her flowing gown stirred the calm air of the night. + These are sensations to which the heart suffices not. + </p> + <p> + “Monsieur de Mortsauf is sleeping,” she said. “When he is thus I give him + an infusion of poppies, a cup of water in which a few poppies have been + steeped; the attacks are so infrequent that this simple remedy never loses + its effect—Monsieur,” she continued, changing her tone and using the + most persuasive inflexion of her voice, “this most unfortunate accident + has revealed to you a secret which has hitherto been sedulously kept; + promise me to bury the recollection of that scene. Do this for my sake, I + beg of you. I don’t ask you to swear it; give me your word of honor and I + shall be content.” + </p> + <p> + “Need I give it to you?” I said. “Do we not understand each other?” + </p> + <p> + “You must not judge unfavorably of Monsieur de Mortsauf; you see the + effects of his many sufferings under the emigration,” she went on. + “To-morrow he will entirely forget all that he has said and done; you will + find him kind and excellent as ever.” + </p> + <p> + “Do not seek to excuse him, madame,” I replied. “I will do all you wish. I + would fling myself into the Indre at this moment if I could restore + Monsieur de Mortsauf’s health and ensure you a happy life. The only thing + I cannot change is my opinion. I can give you my life, but not my + convictions; I can pay no heed to what he says, but can I hinder him from + saying it? No, in my opinion Monsieur de Mortsauf is—” + </p> + <p> + “I understand you,” she said, hastily interrupting me; “you are right. The + count is as nervous as a fashionable woman,” she added, as if to conceal + the idea of madness by softening the word. “But he is only so at + intervals, once a year, when the weather is very hot. Ah, what evils have + resulted from the emigration! How many fine lives ruined! He would have + been, I am sure of it, a great soldier, an honor to his country—” + </p> + <p> + “I know,” I said, interrupting in my turn to let her see that it was + useless to attempt to deceive me. + </p> + <p> + She stopped, laid one hand lightly on my brow, and looked at me. “Who has + sent you here,” she said, “into this home? Has God sent me help, a true + friendship to support me?” She paused, then added, as she laid her hand + firmly upon mine, “For you are good and generous—” She raised her + eyes to heaven, as if to invoke some invisible testimony to confirm her + thought, and then let them rest upon me. Electrified by the look, which + cast a soul into my soul, I was guilty, judging by social laws, of a want + of tact, though in certain natures such indelicacy really means a brave + desire to meet danger, to avert a blow, to arrest an evil before it + happens; oftener still, an abrupt call upon a heart, a blow given to learn + if it resounds in unison with ours. Many thoughts rose like gleams within + my mind and bade me wash out the stain that blotted my conscience at this + moment when I was seeking a complete understanding. + </p> + <p> + “Before we say more,” I said in a voice shaken by the throbbings of my + heart, which could be heard in the deep silence that surrounded us, + “suffer me to purify one memory of the past.” + </p> + <p> + “Hush!” she said quickly, touching my lips with a finger which she + instantly removed. She looked at me haughtily, with the glance of a woman + who knows herself too exalted for insult to reach her. “Be silent; I know + of what you are about to speak,—the first, the last, the only + outrage ever offered to me. Never speak to me of that ball. If as a + Christian I have forgiven you, as a woman I still suffer from your act.” + </p> + <p> + “You are more pitiless than God himself,” I said, forcing back the tears + that came into my eyes. + </p> + <p> + “I ought to be so, I am more feeble,” she replied. + </p> + <p> + “But,” I continued with the persistence of a child, “listen to me now if + only for the first, the last, the only time in your life.” + </p> + <p> + “Speak, then,” she said; “speak, or you will think I dare not hear you.” + </p> + <p> + Feeling that this was the turning moment of our lives, I spoke to her in + the tone that commands attention; I told her that all women whom I had + ever seen were nothing to me; but when I met her, I, whose life was + studious, whose nature was not bold, I had been, as it were, possessed by + a frenzy that no one who once felt it could condemn; that never heart of + man had been so filled with the passion which no being can resist, which + conquers all things, even death— + </p> + <p> + “And contempt?” she asked, stopping me. + </p> + <p> + “Did you despise me?” I exclaimed. + </p> + <p> + “Let us say no more on this subject,” she replied. + </p> + <p> + “No, let me say all!” I replied, in the excitement of my intolerable pain. + “It concerns my life, my whole being, my inward self; it contains a secret + you must know or I must die in despair. It also concerns you, who, + unawares, are the lady in whose hand is the crown promised to the victor + in the tournament!” + </p> + <p> + Then I related to her my childhood and youth, not as I have told it to + you, judged from a distance, but in the language of a young man whose + wounds are still bleeding. My voice was like the axe of a woodsman in the + forest. At every word the dead years fell with echoing sound, bristling + with their anguish like branches robbed of their foliage. I described to + her in feverish language many cruel details which I have here spared you. + I spread before her the treasure of my radiant hopes, the virgin gold of + my desires, the whole of a burning heart kept alive beneath the snow of + these Alps, piled higher and higher by perpetual winter. When, bowed down + by the weight of these remembered sufferings, related as with the live + coal of Isaiah, I awaited the reply of the woman who listened with a bowed + head, she illumined the darkness with a look, she quickened the worlds + terrestrial and divine with a single sentence. + </p> + <p> + “We have had the same childhood!” she said, turning to me a face on which + the halo of the martyrs shone. + </p> + <p> + After a pause, in which our souls were wedded in the one consoling + thought, “I am not alone in suffering,” the countess told me, in the voice + she kept for her little ones, how unwelcome she was as a girl when sons + were wanted. She showed me how her troubles as a daughter bound to her + mother’s side differed from those of a boy cast out upon the world of + school and college life. My desolate neglect seemed to me a paradise + compared to that contact with a millstone under which her soul was ground + until the day when her good aunt, her true mother, had saved her from this + misery, the ever-recurring pain of which she now related to me; misery + caused sometimes by incessant faultfinding, always intolerable to + high-strung natures which do not shrink before death itself but die + beneath the sword of Damocles; sometimes by the crushing of generous + impulses beneath an icy hand, by the cold rebuffal of her kisses, by a + stern command of silence, first imposed and then as often blamed; by + inward tears that dared not flow but stayed within the heart; in short, by + all the bitterness and tyranny of convent rule, hidden to the eyes of the + world under the appearance of an exalted motherly devotion. She gratified + her mother’s vanity before strangers, but she dearly paid in private for + this homage. When, believing that by obedience and gentleness she had + softened her mother’s heart, she opened hers, the tyrant only armed + herself with the girl’s confidence. No spy was ever more traitorous and + base. All the pleasures of girlhood, even her fete days, were dearly + purchased, for she was scolded for her gaiety as much as for her faults. + No teaching and no training for her position had been given in love, + always with sarcastic irony. She was not angry against her mother; in fact + she blamed herself for feeling more terror than love for her. “Perhaps,” + she said, dear angel, “these severities were needful; they had certainly + prepared her for her present life.” As I listened it seemed to me that the + harp of Job, from which I had drawn such savage sounds, now touched by the + Christian fingers gave forth the litanies of the Virgin at the foot of the + cross. + </p> + <p> + “We lived in the same sphere before we met in this,” I said; “you coming + from the east, I from the west.” + </p> + <p> + She shook her head with a gesture of despair. + </p> + <p> + “To you the east, to me the west,” she replied. “You will live happy, I + must die of pain. Life is what we make of it, and mine is made forever. No + power can break the heavy chain to which a woman is fastened by this ring + of gold—the emblem of a wife’s purity.” + </p> + <p> + We knew we were twins of one womb; she never dreamed of a half-confidence + between brothers of the same blood. After a short sigh, natural to pure + hearts when they first open to each other, she told me of her first + married life, her deceptions and disillusions, the rebirth of her + childhood’s misery. Like me, she had suffered under trifles; mighty to + souls whose limpid substance quivers to the least shock, as a lake quivers + on the surface and to its utmost depths when a stone is flung into it. + When she married she possessed some girlish savings; a little gold, the + fruit of happy hours and repressed fancies. These, in a moment when they + were needed, she gave to her husband, not telling him they were gifts and + savings of her own. He took no account of them, and never regarded himself + her debtor. She did not even obtain the glance of thanks that would have + paid for all. Ah! how she went from trial to trial! Monsieur de Mortsauf + habitually neglected to give her money for the household. When, after a + struggle with her timidity, she asked him for it, he seemed surprised and + never once spared her the mortification of petitioning for necessities. + What terror filled her mind when the real nature of the ruined man’s + disease was revealed to her, and she quailed under the first outbreak of + his mad anger! What bitter reflections she had made before she brought + herself to admit that her husband was a wreck! What horrible calamities + had come of her bearing children! What anguish she felt at the sight of + those infants born almost dead! With what courage had she said in her + heart: “I will breathe the breath of life into them; I will bear them anew + day by day!” Then conceive the bitterness of finding her greatest obstacle + in the heart and hand from which a wife should draw her greatest succor! + She saw the untold disaster that threatened him. As each difficulty was + conquered, new deserts opened before her, until the day when she + thoroughly understood her husband’s condition, the constitution of her + children, and the character of the neighborhood in which she lived; a day + when (like the child taken by Napoleon from a tender home) she taught her + feet to trample through mud and snow, she trained her nerves to bullets + and all her being to the passive obedience of a soldier. + </p> + <p> + These things, of which I here make a summary, she told me in all their + dark extent, with every piteous detail of conjugal battles lost and + fruitless struggles. + </p> + <p> + “You would have to live here many months,” she said, in conclusion, “to + understand what difficulties I have met with in improving Clochegourde; + what persuasions I have had to use to make him do a thing which was most + important to his interests. You cannot imagine the childish glee he has + shown when anything that I advised was not at once successful. All that + turned out well he claimed for himself. Yes, I need an infinite patience + to bear his complaints when I am half-exhausted in the effort to amuse his + weary hours, to sweeten his life and smooth the paths which he himself has + strewn with stones. The reward he gives me is that awful cry: ‘Let me die, + life is a burden to me!’ When visitors are here and he enjoys them, he + forgets his gloom and is courteous and polite. You ask me why he cannot be + so to his family. I cannot explain that want of loyalty in a man who is + truly chivalrous. He is quite capable of riding at full speed to Paris to + buy me a set of ornaments, as he did the other day before the ball. + Miserly in his household, he would be lavish upon me if I wished it. I + would it were reversed; I need nothing for myself, but the wants of the + household are many. In my strong desire to make him happy, and not + reflecting that I might be a mother, I began my married life by letting + him treat me as a victim, I, who at that time by using a few caresses + could have led him like a child—but I was unable to play a part I + should have thought disgraceful. Now, however, the welfare of my family + requires me to be as calm and stern as the figure of Justice—and + yet, I too have a heart that overflows with tenderness.” + </p> + <p> + “But why,” I said, “do you not use this great influence to master him and + govern him?” + </p> + <p> + “If it concerned myself only I should not attempt either to overcome the + dogged silence with which for days together he meets my arguments, nor to + answer his irrational remarks, his childish reasons. I have no courage + against weakness, any more than I have against childhood; they may strike + me as they will, I cannot resist. Perhaps I might meet strength with + strength, but I am powerless against those I pity. If I were required to + coerce Madeleine in some matter that would save her life, I should die + with her. Pity relaxes all my fibres and unstrings my nerves. So it is + that the violent shocks of the last ten years have broken me down; my + feelings, so often battered, are numb at times; nothing can revive them; + even the courage with which I once faced my troubles begins to fail me. + Yes, sometimes I am beaten. For want of rest—I mean repose—and + sea-baths by which to recover my nervous strength, I shall perish. + Monsieur de Mortsauf will have killed me, and he will die of my death.” + </p> + <p> + “Why not leave Clochegourde for a few months? Surely you could take your + children and go to the seashore.” + </p> + <p> + “In the first place, Monsieur de Mortsauf would think he were lost if I + left him. Though he will not admit his condition he is well aware of it. + He is both sane and mad, two natures in one man, a contradiction which + explains many an irrational action. Besides this, he would have good + reason for objecting. Nothing would go right here if I were absent. You + may have seen in me the mother of a family watchful to protect her young + from the hawk that is hovering over them; a weighty task, indeed, but + harder still are the cares imposed upon me by Monsieur de Mortsauf, whose + constant cry, as he follows me about is, ‘Where is Madame?’ I am Jacques’ + tutor and Madeleine’s governess; but that is not all, I am bailiff and + steward too. You will understand what that means when you come to see, as + you will, that the working of an estate in these parts is the most + fatiguing of all employments. We get small returns in money; the farms are + cultivated on shares, a system which needs the closest supervision. We are + obliged ourselves to sell our own produce, our cattle and harvests of all + kinds. Our competitors in the markets are our own farmers, who meet + consumers in the wine-shops and determine prices by selling first. I + should weary you if I explained the many difficulties of agriculture in + this region. No matter what care I give to it, I cannot always prevent our + tenants from putting our manure upon their ground, I cannot be ever on the + watch lest they take advantage of us in the division of the crops; neither + can I always know the exact moment when sales should be made. So, if you + think of Monsieur de Mortsauf’s defective memory, and the difficulty you + have seen me have in persuading him to attend to business, you can + understand the burden that is on my shoulders, and the impossibility of my + laying it down for a single day. If I were absent we should be ruined. No + one would obey Monsieur de Mortsauf. In the first place his orders are + conflicting; then no one likes him; he finds incessant fault, and he is + very domineering. Moreover, like all men of feeble mind, he listens too + readily to his inferiors. If I left the house not a servant would be in it + in a week’s time. So you see I am attached to Clochegourde as those leaden + finals are to our roof. I have no reserves with you. The whole + country-side is still ignorant of the secrets of this house, but you know + them, you have seen them. Say nothing but what is kind and friendly, and + you shall have my esteem—my gratitude,” she added in a softer voice. + “On those terms you are welcome at Clochegourde, where you will find + friends.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” I exclaimed, “I see that I have never really suffered, while you—” + </p> + <p> + “No, no!” she exclaimed, with a smile, that smile of all resigned women + which might melt a granite rock. “Do not be astonished at my frank + confidence; it shows you life as it is, not as your imagination pictures + it. We all have our defects and our good qualities. If I had married a + spendthrift he would have ruined me. If I had given myself to an ardent + and pleasure-loving young man, perhaps I could not have retained him; he + might have left me, and I should have died of jealousy. For I am jealous!” + she said, in a tone of excitement, which was like the thunderclap of a + passing storm. “But Monsieur de Mortsauf loves me as much as he is capable + of loving; all that his heart contains of affection he pours at my feet, + like the Magdalen’s cup of ointment. Believe me, a life of love is an + exception to the laws of this earth; all flowers fade; great joys and + emotions have a morrow of evil—if a morrow at all. Real life is a + life of anguish; its image is in that nettle growing there at the foot of + the wall,—no sun can reach it and it keeps green. Yet, here, as in + parts of the North, there are smiles in the sky, few to be sure, but they + compensate for many a grief. Moreover, women who are naturally mothers + live and love far more through sacrifices than through pleasures. Here I + draw upon myself the storms I fear may break upon my children or my + people; and in doing so I feel a something I cannot explain, which gives + me secret courage. The resignation of the night carries me through the day + that follows. God does not leave me comfortless. Time was when the + condition of my children filled me with despair; to-day as they advance in + life they grow healthier and stronger. And then, after all, our home is + improved and beautified, our means are improving also. Who knows but + Monsieur de Mortsauf’s old age may be a blessing to me? Ah, believe me! + those who stand before the Great Judge with palms in their hands, leading + comforted to Him the beings who cursed their lives, they, they have turned + their sorrows into joy. If my sufferings bring about the happiness of my + family, are they sufferings at all?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” I said, “they are; but they were necessary, as mine have been, to + make us understand the true flavor of the fruit that has ripened on our + rocks. Now, surely, we shall taste it together; surely we may admire its + wonders, the sweetness of affection it has poured into our souls, that + inward sap which revives the searing leaves—Good God! do you not + understand me?” I cried, falling into the mystical language to which our + religious training had accustomed us. “See the paths by which we have + approached each other; what magnet led us through that ocean of bitterness + to these springs of running water, flowing at the foot of those hills + above the shining sands and between their green and flowery meadows? Have + we not followed the same star? We stand before the cradle of a divine + child whose joyous carol will renew the world for us, teach us through + happiness a love of life, give to our nights their long-lost sleep, and to + the days their gladness. What hand is this that year by year has tied new + cords between us? Are we not more than brother and sister? That which + heaven has joined we must not keep asunder. The sufferings you reveal are + the seeds scattered by the sower for the harvest already ripening in the + sunshine. Shall we not gather it sheaf by sheaf? What strength is in me + that I dare address you thus! Answer, or I will never again recross that + river!” + </p> + <p> + “You have spared me the word <i>love</i>,” she said, in a stern voice, + “but you have spoken of a sentiment of which I know nothing and which is + not permitted to me. You are a child; and again I pardon you, but for the + last time. Endeavor to understand, Monsieur, that my heart is, as it were, + intoxicated with motherhood. I love Monsieur de Mortsauf neither from + social duty nor from a calculated desire to win eternal blessings, but + from an irresistible feeling which fastens all the fibres of my heart upon + him. Was my marriage a mistake? My sympathy for misfortune led to it. It + is the part of women to heal the woes caused by the march of events, to + comfort those who rush into the breach and return wounded. How shall I + make you understand me? I have felt a selfish pleasure in seeing that you + amused him; is not that pure motherhood? Did I not make you see by what I + owned just now, the <i>three</i> children to whom I am bound, to whom I + shall never fail, on whom I strive to shed a healing dew and the light of + my own soul without withdrawing or adulterating a single particle? Do not + embitter the mother’s milk! though as a wife I am invulnerable, you must + never again speak thus to me. If you do not respect this command, simple + as it is, the door of this house will be closed to you. I believed in pure + friendship, in a voluntary brotherhood, more real, I thought, than the + brotherhood of blood. I was mistaken. I wanted a friend who was not a + judge, a friend who would listen to me in those moments of weakness when + reproof is killing, a sacred friend from whom I should have nothing to + fear. Youth is noble, truthful, capable of sacrifice, disinterested; + seeing your persistency in coming to us, I believed, yes, I will admit + that I believed in some divine purpose; I thought I should find a soul + that would be mine, as the priest is the soul of all; a heart in which to + pour my troubles when they deluged mine, a friend to hear my cries when if + I continued to smother them they would strangle me. Could I but have this + friend, my life, so precious to these children, might be prolonged until + Jacques had grown to manhood. But that is selfish! The Laura of Petrarch + cannot be lived again. I must die at my post, like a soldier, friendless. + My confessor is harsh, austere, and—my aunt is dead.” + </p> + <p> + Two large tears filled her eyes, gleamed in the moonlight, and rolled down + her cheeks; but I stretched my hand in time to catch them, and I drank + them with an avidity excited by her words, by the thought of those ten + years of secret woe, of wasted feelings, of constant care, of ceaseless + dread—years of the lofty heroism of her sex. She looked at me with + gentle stupefaction. + </p> + <p> + “It is the first communion of love,” I said. “Yes, I am now a sharer of + your sorrows. I am united to your soul as our souls are united to Christ + in the sacrament. To love, even without hope, is happiness. Ah! what woman + on earth could give me a joy equal to that of receiving your tears! I + accept the contract which must end in suffering to myself. I give myself + to you with no ulterior thought. I will be to you that which you will me + to be—” + </p> + <p> + She stopped me with a motion of her hand, and said in her deep voice, “I + consent to this agreement if you will promise never to tighten the bonds + which bind us together.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” I said; “but the less you grant the more evidence of possession I + ought to have.” + </p> + <p> + “You begin by distrusting me,” she replied, with an expression of + melancholy doubt. + </p> + <p> + “No, I speak from pure happiness. Listen; give me a name by which no one + calls you; a name to be ours only, like the feeling which unites us.” + </p> + <p> + “That is much to ask,” she said, “but I will show you that I am not petty. + Monsieur de Mortsauf calls me Blanche. One only person, the one I have + most loved, my dear aunt, called me Henriette. I will be Henriette once + more, to you.” + </p> + <p> + I took her hand and kissed it. She left it in mine with the trustfulness + that makes a woman so far superior to men; a trustfulness that shames us. + She was leaning on the brick balustrade and gazing at the river. + </p> + <p> + “Are you not unwise, my friend, to rush at a bound to the extremes of + friendship? You have drained the cup, offered in all sincerity, at a + draught. It is true that a real feeling is never piecemeal; it must be + whole, or it does not exist. Monsieur de Mortsauf,” she added after a + short silence, “is above all things loyal and brave. Perhaps for my sake + you will forget what he said to you to-day; if he has forgotten it + to-morrow, I will myself tell him what occurred. Do not come to + Clochegourde for a few days; he will respect you more if you do not. On + Sunday, after church, he will go to you. I know him; he will wish to undo + the wrong he did, and he will like you all the better for treating him as + a man who is responsible for his words and actions.” + </p> + <p> + “Five days without seeing you, without hearing your voice!” + </p> + <p> + “Do not put such warmth into your manner of speaking to me,” she said. + </p> + <p> + We walked twice round the terrace in silence. Then she said, in a tone of + command which proved to me that she had taken possession of my soul, “It + is late; we will part.” + </p> + <p> + I wished to kiss her hand; she hesitated, then gave it to me, and said in + a voice of entreaty: “Never take it unless I give it to you; leave me my + freedom; if not, I shall be simply a thing of yours, and that ought not to + be.” + </p> + <p> + “Adieu,” I said. + </p> + <p> + I went out by the little gate of the lower terrace, which she opened for + me. Just as she was about to close it she opened it again and offered me + her hand, saying: “You have been truly good to me this evening; you have + comforted my whole future; take it, my friend, take it.” + </p> + <p> + I kissed her hand again and again, and when I raised my eyes I saw the + tears in hers. She returned to the upper terrace and I watched her for a + moment from the meadow. When I was on the road to Frapesle I again saw her + white robe shimmering in a moonbeam; then, a few moments later, a light + was in her bedroom. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, my Henriette!” I cried, “to you I pledge the purest love that ever + shone upon this earth.” + </p> + <p> + I turned at every step as I regained Frapesle. Ineffable contentment + filled my mind. A way was open for the devotion that swells in all + youthful hearts and which in mine had been so long inert. Like the priest + who by one solemn step enters a new life, my vows were taken; I was + consecrated. A simple “Yes” had bound me to keep my love within my soul + and never to abuse our friendship by leading this woman step by step to + love. All noble feelings were awakened within me, and I heard the murmur + of their voices. Before confining myself within the narrow walls of a + room, I stopped beneath the azure heavens sown with stars, I listened to + the ring-dove plaints of my own heart, I heard again the simple tones of + that ingenuous confidence, I gathered in the air the emanations of that + soul which henceforth must ever seek me. How grand that woman seemed to + me, with her absolute forgetfulness of self, her religion of mercy to + wounded hearts, feeble or suffering, her declared allegiance to her legal + yoke. She was there, serene upon her pyre of saint and martyr. I adored + her face as it shone to me in the darkness. Suddenly I fancied I perceived + a meaning in her words, a mysterious significance which made her to my + eyes sublime. Perhaps she longed that I should be to her what she was to + the little world around her. Perhaps she sought to draw from me her + strength and consolation, putting me thus within her sphere, her equal, or + perhaps above her. The stars, say some bold builders of the universe, + communicate to each other light and motion. This thought lifted me to + ethereal regions. I entered once more the heaven of my former visions; I + found a meaning for the miseries of my childhood in the illimitable + happiness to which they had led me. + </p> + <p> + Spirits quenched by tears, hearts misunderstood, saintly Clarissa Harlowes + forgotten or ignored, children neglected, exiles innocent of wrong, all ye + who enter life through barren ways, on whom men’s faces everywhere look + coldly, to whom ears close and hearts are shut, cease your complaints! You + alone can know the infinitude of joy held in that moment when one heart + opens to you, one ear listens, one look answers yours. A single day + effaces all past evil. Sorrow, despondency, despair, and melancholy, + passed but not forgotten, are links by which the soul then fastens to its + mate. Woman falls heir to all our past, our sighs, our lost illusions, and + gives them back to us ennobled; she explains those former griefs as + payment claimed by destiny for joys eternal, which she brings to us on the + day our souls are wedded. The angels alone can utter the new name by which + that sacred love is called, and none but women, dear martyrs, truly know + what Madame de Mortsauf now became to me—to me, poor and desolate. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0002" id="link2HCH0002"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER II. FIRST LOVE + </h2> + <p> + This scene took place on a Tuesday. I waited until Sunday and did not + cross the river. During those five days great events were happening at + Clochegourde. The count received his brevet as general of brigade, the + cross of Saint Louis, and a pension of four thousand francs. The Duc de + Lenoncourt-Givry, made peer of France, recovered possession of two + forests, resumed his place at court, and his wife regained all her unsold + property, which had been made part of the imperial crown lands. The + Comtesse de Mortsauf thus became an heiress. Her mother had arrived at + Clochegourde, bringing her a hundred thousand francs economized at Givry, + the amount of her dowry, still unpaid and never asked for by the count in + spite of his poverty. In all such matters of external life the conduct of + this man was proudly disinterested. Adding to this sum his own few savings + he was able to buy two neighboring estates, which would yield him some + nine thousand francs a year. His son would of course succeed to the + grandfather’s peerage, and the count now saw his way to entail the estate + upon him without injury to Madeleine, for whom the Duc de Lenoncourt would + no doubt assist in promoting a good marriage. + </p> + <p> + These arrangements and this new happiness shed some balm upon the count’s + sore mind. The presence of the Duchesse de Lenoncourt at Clochegourde was + a great event to the neighborhood. I reflected gloomily that she was a + great lady, and the thought made me conscious of the spirit of caste in + the daughter which the nobility of her sentiments had hitherto hidden from + me. Who was I—poor, insignificant, and with no future but my courage + and my faculties? I did not then think of the consequences of the + Restoration either for me or for others. On Sunday morning, from the + private chapel where I sat with Monsieur and Madame de Chessel and the + Abbe de Quelus, I cast an eager glance at another lateral chapel occupied + by the duchess and her daughter, the count and his children. The large + straw hat which hid my idol from me did not tremble, and this + unconsciousness of my presence seemed to bind me to her more than all the + past. This noble Henriette de Lenoncourt, my Henriette, whose life I + longed to garland, was praying earnestly; faith gave to her figure an + abandonment, a prosternation, the attitude of some religious statue, which + moved me to the soul. + </p> + <p> + According to village custom, vespers were said soon after mass. Coming out + of church Madame de Chessel naturally proposed to her neighbors to pass + the intermediate time at Frapesle instead of crossing the Indre and the + meadows twice in the great heat. The offer was accepted. Monsieur de + Chessel gave his arm to the duchess, Madame de Chessel took that of the + count. I offered mine to the countess, and felt, for the first time, that + beautiful arm against my side. As we walked from the church to Frapesle by + the woods of Sache, where the light, filtering down through the foliage, + made those pretty patterns on the path which seem like painted silk, such + sensations of pride, such ideas took possession of me that my heart beat + violently. + </p> + <p> + “What is the matter?” she said, after walking a little way in a silence I + dared not break. “Your heart beats too fast—” + </p> + <p> + “I have heard of your good fortune,” I replied, “and, like all others who + love truly, I am beset with vague fears. Will your new dignities change + you and lessen your friendship?” + </p> + <p> + “Change me!” she said; “oh, fie! Another such idea and I shall—not + despise you, but forget you forever.” + </p> + <p> + I looked at her with an ecstasy which should have been contagious. + </p> + <p> + “We profit by the new laws which we have neither brought about nor + demanded,” she said; “but we are neither place-hunters nor beggars; + besides, as you know very well, neither Monsieur de Mortsauf nor I can + leave Clochegourde. By my advice he has declined the command to which his + rank entitled him at the Maison Rouge. We are quite content that my father + should have the place. This forced modesty,” she added with some + bitterness, “has already been of service to our son. The king, to whose + household my father is appointed, said very graciously that he would show + Jacques the favor we were not willing to accept. Jacques’ education, which + must now be thought of, is already being discussed. He will be the + representative of two houses, the Lenoncourt and the Mortsauf families. I + can have no ambition except for him, and therefore my anxieties seem to + have increased. Not only must Jacques live, but he must be made worthy of + his name; two necessities which, as you know, conflict. And then, later, + what friend will keep him safe for me in Paris, where all things are + pitfalls for the soul and dangers for the body? My friend,” she said, in a + broken voice, “who could not see upon your brow and in your eyes that you + are one who will inhabit heights? Be some day the guardian and sponsor of + our boy. Go to Paris; if your father and brother will not second you, our + family, above all my mother, who has a genius for the management of life, + will help you. Profit by our influence; you will never be without support + in whatever career you choose; put the strength of your desires into a + noble ambition—” + </p> + <p> + “I understand you,” I said, interrupting her; “ambition is to be my + mistress. I have no need of that to be wholly yours. No, I will not be + rewarded for my obedience here by receiving favors there. I will go; I + will make my own way; I will rise alone. From you I would accept + everything, from others nothing.” + </p> + <p> + “Child!” she murmured, ill-concealing a smile of pleasure. + </p> + <p> + “Besides, I have taken my vows,” I went on. “Thinking over our situation I + am resolved to bind myself to you by ties that never can be broken.” + </p> + <p> + She trembled slightly and stopped short to look at me. + </p> + <p> + “What do you mean?” she asked, letting the couples who preceded us walk + on, and keeping the children at her side. + </p> + <p> + “This,” I said; “but first tell me frankly how you wish me to love you.” + </p> + <p> + “Love me as my aunt loved me; I gave you her rights when I permitted you + to call me by the name which she chose for her own among my others.” + </p> + <p> + “Then I am to love without hope and with an absolute devotion. Well, yes; + I will do for you what some men do for God. I shall feel that you have + asked it. I will enter a seminary and make myself a priest, and then I + will educate your son. Jacques shall be myself in his own form; political + conceptions, thoughts, energy, patience, I will give him all. In that way + I shall live near to you, and my love, enclosed in religion as a silver + image in a crystal shrine, can never be suspected of evil. You will not + have to fear the undisciplined passions which grasp a man and by which + already I have allowed myself to be vanquished. I will consume my own + being in the flame, and I will love you with a purified love.” + </p> + <p> + She turned pale and said, hurrying her words: “Felix, do not put yourself + in bonds that might prove an obstacle to our happiness. I should die of + grief for having caused a suicide like that. Child, do you think + despairing love a life’s vocation? Wait for life’s trials before you judge + of life; I command it. Marry neither the Church nor a woman; marry not at + all,—I forbid it. Remain free. You are twenty-one years old—My + God! can I have mistaken him? I thought two months sufficed to know some + souls.” + </p> + <p> + “What hope have you?” I cried, with fire in my eyes. + </p> + <p> + “My friend, accept our help, rise in life, make your way and your fortune + and you shall know my hope. And,” she added, as if she were whispering a + secret, “never release the hand you are holding at this moment.” + </p> + <p> + She bent to my ear as she said these words which proved her deep + solicitude for my future. + </p> + <p> + “Madeleine!” I exclaimed “never!” + </p> + <p> + We were close to a wooden gate which opened into the park of Frapesle; I + still seem to see its ruined posts overgrown with climbing plants and + briers and mosses. Suddenly an idea, that of the count’s death, flashed + through my brain, and I said, “I understand you.” + </p> + <p> + “I am glad of it,” she answered in a tone which made me know I had + supposed her capable of a thought that could never be hers. + </p> + <p> + Her purity drew tears of admiration from my eyes which the selfishness of + passion made bitter indeed. My mind reacted and I felt that she did not + love me enough even to wish for liberty. So long as love recoils from a + crime it seems to have its limits, and love should be infinite. A spasm + shook my heart. + </p> + <p> + “She does not love me,” I thought. + </p> + <p> + To hide what was in my soul I stooped over Madeleine and kissed her hair. + </p> + <p> + “I am afraid of your mother,” I said to the countess presently, to renew + the conversation. + </p> + <p> + “So am I,” she answered with a gesture full of childlike gaiety. “Don’t + forget to call her Madame la duchesse, and to speak to her in the third + person. The young people of the present day have lost these polite + manners; you must learn them; do that for my sake. Besides, it is such + good taste to respect women, no matter what their age may be, and to + recognize social distinctions without disputing them. The respect shown to + established superiority is guarantee for that which is due to you. + Solidarity is the basis of society. Cardinal Della Rovere and Raffaelle + were two powers equally revered. You have sucked the milk of the + Revolution in your academy and your political ideas may be influenced by + it; but as you advance in life you will find that crude and ill-defined + principles of liberty are powerless to create the happiness of the people. + Before considering, as a Lenoncourt, what an aristocracy ought to be, my + common-sense as a woman of the people tells me that societies can exist + only through a hierarchy. You are now at a turning-point in your life, + when you must choose wisely. Be on our side,—especially now,” she + added, laughing, “when it triumphs.” + </p> + <p> + I was keenly touched by these words, in which the depth of her political + feeling mingled with the warmth of affection,—a combination which + gives to women so great a power of persuasion; they know how to give to + the keenest arguments a tone of feeling. In her desire to justify all her + husband’s actions Henriette had foreseen the criticisms that would rise in + my mind as soon as I saw the servile effects of a courtier’s life upon + him. Monsieur de Mortsauf, king in his own castle and surrounded by an + historic halo, had, to my eyes, a certain grandiose dignity. I was + therefore greatly astonished at the distance he placed between the duchess + and himself by manners that were nothing less than obsequious. A slave has + his pride and will only serve the greatest despots. I confess I was + humiliated at the degradation of one before whom I trembled as the power + that ruled my love. This inward repulsion made me understand the martyrdom + of women of generous souls yoked to men whose meannesses they bury daily. + Respect is a safeguard which protects both great and small alike; each + side can hold its own. I was respectful to the duchess because of my + youth; but where others saw only a duchess I saw the mother of my + Henriette, and that gave sanctity to my homage. + </p> + <p> + We reached the great court-yard of Frapesle, where we found the others. + The Comte de Mortsauf presented me very gracefully to the duchess, who + examined me with a cold and reserved air. Madame de Lenoncourt was then a + woman fifty-six years of age, wonderfully well preserved and with grand + manners. When I saw the hard blue eyes, the hollow temples, the thin + emaciated face, the erect, imposing figure slow of movement, and the + yellow whiteness of the skin (reproduced with such brilliancy in the + daughter), I recognized the cold type to which my own mother belonged, as + quickly as a mineralogist recognizes Swedish iron. Her language was that + of the old court; she pronounced the “oit” like “ait,” and said “frait” + for “froid,” “porteux” for “porteurs.” I was not a courtier, neither was I + stiff-backed in my manner to her; in fact I behaved so well that as I + passed the countess she said in a low voice, “You are perfect.” + </p> + <p> + The count came to me and took my hand, saying: “You are not angry with me, + Felix, are you? If I was hasty you will pardon an old soldier? We shall + probably stay here to dinner, and I invite you to dine with us on + Thursday, the evening before the duchess leaves. I must go to Tours + to-morrow to settle some business. Don’t neglect Clochegourde. My + mother-in-law is an acquaintance I advise you to cultivate. Her salon will + set the tone for the faubourg St. Germain. She has all the traditions of + the great world, and possesses an immense amount of social knowledge; she + knows the blazon of the oldest as well as the newest family in Europe.” + </p> + <p> + The count’s good taste, or perhaps the advice of his domestic genius, + appeared under his altered circumstances. He was neither arrogant nor + offensively polite, nor pompous in any way, and the duchess was not + patronizing. Monsieur and Madame de Chessel gratefully accepted the + invitation to dinner on the following Thursday. I pleased the duchess, and + by her glance I knew she was examining a man of whom her daughter had + spoken to her. As we returned from vespers she questioned me about my + family, and asked if the Vandenesse now in diplomacy was my relative. “He + is my brother,” I replied. On that she became almost affectionate. She + told me that my great-aunt, the old Marquise de Listomere, was a + Grandlieu. Her manners were as cordial as those of Monsieur de Mortsauf + the day he saw me for the first time; the haughty glance with which these + sovereigns of the earth make you measure the distance that lies between + you and them disappeared. I knew almost nothing of my family. The duchess + told me that my great-uncle, an old abbe whose very name I did not know, + was to be member of the privy council, that my brother was already + promoted, and also that by a provision of the Charter, of which I had not + yet heard, my father became once more Marquis de Vandenesse. + </p> + <p> + “I am but one thing, the serf of Clochegourde,” I said in a low voice to + the countess. + </p> + <p> + The transformation scene of the Restoration was carried through with a + rapidity which bewildered the generation brought up under the imperial + regime. To me this revolution meant nothing. The least word or gesture + from Madame de Mortsauf were the sole events to which I attached + importance. I was ignorant of what the privy council was, and knew as + little of politics as of social life; my sole ambition was to love + Henriette better than Petrarch loved Laura. This indifference made the + duchess take me for a child. A large company assembled at Frapesle and we + were thirty at table. What intoxication it is for a young man unused to + the world to see the woman he loves more beautiful than all others around + her, the centre of admiring looks; to know that for him alone is reserved + the chaste fire of those eyes, that none but he can discern in the tones + of that voice, in the words it utters, however gay or jesting they may be, + the proofs of unremitting thought. The count, delighted with the + attentions paid to him, seemed almost young; his wife looked hopeful of a + change; I amused myself with Madeleine, who, like all children with bodies + weaker than their minds, made others laugh with her clever observations, + full of sarcasm, though never malicious, and which spared no one. It was a + happy day. A word, a hope awakened in the morning illumined nature. Seeing + me so joyous, Henriette was joyful too. + </p> + <p> + “This happiness smiling on my gray and cloudy life seems good,” she said + to me the next day. + </p> + <p> + That day I naturally spent at Clochegourde. I had been banished for five + days, I was athirst for life. The count left at six in the morning for + Tours. A serious disagreement had arisen between mother and daughter. The + duchess wanted the countess to move to Paris, where she promised her a + place at court, and where the count, reconsidering his refusal, might + obtain some high position. Henriette, who was thought happy in her married + life, would not reveal, even to her mother, her tragic sufferings and the + fatal incapacity of her husband. It was to hide his condition from the + duchess that she persuaded him to go to Tours and transact business with + his notaries. I alone, as she had truly said, knew the dark secret of + Clochegourde. Having learned by experience how the pure air and the blue + sky of the lovely valley calmed the excitements and soothed the morbid + griefs of the diseased mind, and what beneficial effect the life at + Clochegourde had upon the health of her children, she opposed her mother’s + desire that she should leave it with reasons which the overbearing woman, + who was less grieved than mortified by her daughter’s bad marriage, + vigorously combated. + </p> + <p> + Henriette saw that the duchess cared little for Jacques and Madeleine,—a + terrible discovery! Like all domineering mothers who expect to continue + the same authority over their married daughters that they maintained when + they were girls, the duchess brooked no opposition; sometimes she affected + a crafty sweetness to force her daughter to compliance, at other times a + cold severity, intending to obtain by fear what gentleness had failed to + win; then, when all means failed, she displayed the same native sarcasm + which I had often observed in my own mother. In those ten days Henriette + passed through all the contentions a young woman must endure to establish + her independence. You, who for your happiness have the best of mothers, + can scarcely comprehend such trials. To gain a true idea of the struggle + between that cold, calculating, ambitious woman and a daughter abounding + in the tender natural kindness that never faileth, you must imagine a + lily, to which my heart has always compared her, bruised beneath the + polished wheels of a steel car. That mother had nothing in common with her + daughter; she was unable even to imagine the real difficulties which + hindered her from taking advantage of the Restoration and forced her to + continue a life of solitude. Though families bury their internal + dissensions with the utmost care, enter behind the scenes, and you will + find in nearly all of them deep, incurable wounds, which lessen the + natural affections. Sometimes these wounds are given by passions real and + most affecting, rendered eternal by the dignity of those who feel them; + sometimes by latent hatreds which slowly freeze the heart and dry all + tears when the hour of parting comes. Tortured yesterday and to-day, + wounded by all, even by the suffering children who were guiltless of the + ills they endured, how could that poor soul fail to love the one human + being who did not strike her, who would fain have built a wall of defence + around her to guard her from storms, from harsh contacts and cruel blows? + Though I suffered from a knowledge of these debates, there were moments + when I was happy in the sense that she rested upon my heart; for she told + me of these new troubles. Day by day I learned more fully the meaning of + her words,—“Love me as my aunt loved me.” + </p> + <p> + “Have you no ambition?” the duchess said to me at dinner, with a stern + air. + </p> + <p> + “Madame,” I replied, giving her a serious look, “I have enough in me to + conquer the world; but I am only twenty-one, and I am all alone.” + </p> + <p> + She looked at her daughter with some astonishment. Evidently she believed + that Henriette had crushed my ambition in order to keep me near her. The + visit of Madame de Lenoncourt was a period of unrelieved constraint. The + countess begged me to be cautious; she was frightened by the least kind + word; to please her I wore the harness of deceit. The great Thursday came; + it was a day of wearisome ceremonial,—one of those stiff days which + lovers hate, when their chair is no longer in its place, and the mistress + of the house cannot be with them. Love has a horror of all that does not + concern itself. But the duchess returned at last to the pomps and vanities + of the court, and Clochegourde recovered its accustomed order. + </p> + <p> + My little quarrel with the count resulted in making me more at home in the + house than ever; I could go there at all times without hindrance; and the + antecedents of my life inclined me to cling like a climbing plant to the + beautiful soul which had opened to me the enchanting world of shared + emotions. Every hour, every minute, our fraternal marriage, founded on + trust, became a surer thing; each of us settled firmly into our own + position; the countess enfolded me with her nurturing care, with the white + draperies of a love that was wholly maternal; while my love for her, + seraphic in her presence, seared me as with hot irons when away from her. + I loved her with a double love which shot its arrows of desire, and then + lost them in the sky, where they faded out of sight in the impermeable + ether. If you ask me why, young and ardent, I continued in the deluding + dreams of Platonic love, I must own to you that I was not yet man enough + to torture that woman, who was always in dread of some catastrophe to her + children, always fearing some outburst of her husband’s stormy temper, + martyrized by him when not afflicted by the illness of Jacques or + Madeleine, and sitting beside one or the other of them when her husband + allowed her a little rest. The mere sound of too warm a word shook her + whole being; a desire shocked her; what she needed was a veiled love, + support mingled with tenderness,—that, in short, which she gave to + others. Then, need I tell you, who are so truly feminine? this situation + brought with it hours of delightful languor, moments of divine sweetness + and content which followed by secret immolation. Her conscience was, if I + may call it so, contagious; her self-devotion without earthly recompense + awed me by its persistence; the living, inward piety which was the bond of + her other virtues filled the air about her with spiritual incense. + Besides, I was young,—young enough to concentrate my whole being on + the kiss she allowed me too seldom to lay upon her hand, of which she gave + me only the back, and never the palm, as though she drew the line of + sensual emotions there. No two souls ever clasped each other with so much + ardor, no bodies were ever more victoriously annihilated. Later I + understood the cause of this sufficing joy. At my age no worldly interests + distracted my heart; no ambitions blocked the stream of a love which + flowed like a torrent, bearing all things on its bosom. Later, we love the + woman in a woman; but the first woman we love is the whole of womanhood; + her children are ours, her interests are our interests, her sorrows our + greatest sorrow; we love her gown, the familiar things about her; we are + more grieved by a trifling loss of hers than if we knew we had lost + everything. This is the sacred love that makes us live in the being of + another; whereas later, alas! we draw another life into ours, and require + a woman to enrich our pauper spirit with her young soul. + </p> + <p> + I was now one of the household, and I knew for the first time an infinite + sweetness, which to a nature bruised as mine was like a bath to a weary + body; the soul is refreshed in every fibre, comforted to its very depths. + You will hardly understand me, for you are a woman, and I am speaking now + of a happiness women give but do not receive. A man alone knows the choice + happiness of being, in the midst of a strange household, the privileged + friend of its mistress, the secret centre of her affections. No dog barks + at you; the servants, like the dogs, recognize your rights; the children + (who are never misled, and know that their power cannot be lessened, and + that you cherish the light of their life), the children possess the gift + of divination, they play with you like kittens and assume the friendly + tyranny they show only to those they love; they are full of intelligent + discretion and come and go on tiptoe without noise. Every one hastens to + do you service; all like you, and smile upon you. True passions are like + beautiful flowers all the more charming to the eye when they grow in a + barren soil. + </p> + <p> + But if I enjoyed the delightful benefits of naturalization in a family + where I found relations after my own heart, I had also to pay some costs + for it. Until then Monsieur de Mortsauf had more or less restrained + himself before me. I had only seen his failings in the mass; I was now to + see the full extent of their application and discover how nobly charitable + the countess had been in the account she had given me of these daily + struggles. I learned now all the angles of her husband’s intolerable + nature; I heard his perpetual scolding about nothing, complaints of evils + of which not a sign existed; I saw the inward dissatisfaction which + poisoned his life, and the incessant need of his tyrannical spirit for new + victims. When we went to walk in the evenings he selected the way; but + whichever direction we took he was always bored; when we reached home he + blamed others; his wife had insisted on going where she wanted; why was he + governed by her in all the trifling things of life? was he to have no + will, no thought of his own? must he consent to be a cipher in his own + house? If his harshness was to be received in patient silence he was angry + because he felt a limit to his power; he asked sharply if religion did not + require a wife to please her husband, and whether it was proper to despise + the father of her children? He always ended by touching some sensitive + chord in his wife’s mind; and he seemed to find a domineering pleasure in + making it sound. Sometimes he tried gloomy silence and a morbid + depression, which always alarmed his wife and made her pay him the most + tender attentions. Like petted children, who exercise their power without + thinking of the distress of their mother, he would let her wait upon him + as upon Jacques and Madeleine, of whom he was jealous. + </p> + <p> + I discovered at last that in small things as well as in great ones the + count acted towards his servants, his children, his wife, precisely as he + had acted to me about the backgammon. The day when I understood, root and + branch, these difficulties, which like a rampant overgrowth repressed the + actions and stifled the breathing of the whole family, hindered the + management of the household and retarded the improvement of the estate by + complicating the most necessary acts, I felt an admiring awe which rose + higher than my love and drove it back into my heart. Good God! what was I? + Those tears that I had taken on my lips solemnized my spirit; I found + happiness in wedding the sufferings of that woman. Hitherto I had yielded + to the count’s despotism as the smuggler pays his fine; henceforth I was a + voluntary victim that I might come the nearer to her. The countess + understood me, allowed me a place beside her, and gave me permission to + share her sorrows; like the repentant apostate, eager to rise to heaven + with his brethren, I obtained the favor of dying in the arena. + </p> + <p> + “Were it not for you I must have succumbed under this life,” Henriette + said to me one evening when the count had been, like the flies on a hot + day, more stinging, venomous, and persistent than usual. + </p> + <p> + He had gone to bed. Henriette and I remained under the acacias; the + children were playing about us, bathed in the setting sun. Our few + exclamatory words revealed the mutuality of the thoughts in which we + rested from our common sufferings. When language failed silence as + faithfully served our souls, which seemed to enter one another without + hindrance; together they luxuriated in the charms of pensive languor, they + met in the undulations of the same dream, they plunged as one into the + river and came out refreshed like two nymphs as closely united as their + souls could wish, but with no earthly tie to bind them. We entered the + unfathomable gulf, we returned to the surface with empty hands, asking + each other by a look, “Among all our days on earth will there be one for + us?” + </p> + <p> + In spite of the tranquil poetry of evening which gave to the bricks of the + balustrade their orange tones, so soothing and so pure; in spite of the + religious atmosphere of the hour, which softened the voices of the + children and wafted them towards us, desire crept through my veins like + the match to the bonfire. After three months of repression I was unable to + content myself with the fate assigned me. I took Henriette’s hand and + softly caressed it, trying to convey to her the ardor that invaded me. She + became at once Madame de Mortsauf, and withdrew her hand; tears rolled + from my eyes, she saw them and gave me a chilling look, as she offered her + hand to my lips. + </p> + <p> + “You must know,” she said, “that this will cause me grief. A friendship + that asks so great a favor is dangerous.” + </p> + <p> + Then I lost my self-control; I reproached her, I spoke of my sufferings, + and the slight alleviation that I asked for them. I dared to tell her that + at my age, if the senses were all soul still the soul had a sex; that I + could meet death, but not with closed lips. She forced me to silence with + her proud glance, in which I seemed to read the cry of the Mexican: “And + I, am I on a bed of roses?” Ever since that day by the gate of Frapesle, + when I attributed to her the hope that our happiness might spring from a + grave, I had turned with shame from the thought of staining her soul with + the desires of a brutal passion. She now spoke with honeyed lip, and told + me that she never could be wholly mine, and that I ought to know it. As + she said the words I know that in obeying her I dug an abyss between us. I + bowed my head. She went on, saying she had an inward religious certainty + that she might love me as a brother without offending God or man; such + love was a living image of the divine love, which her good Saint-Martin + told her was the life of the world. If I could not be to her somewhat as + her old confessor was, less than a lover yet more than a brother, I must + never see her again. She could die and take to God her sheaf of + sufferings, borne not without tears and anguish. + </p> + <p> + “I gave you,” she said in conclusion, “more than I ought to have given, so + that nothing might be left to take, and I am punished.” + </p> + <p> + I was forced to calm her, to promise never to cause her pain, and to love + her at twenty-one years of age as old men love their youngest child. + </p> + <p> + The next day I went early. There were no flowers in the vases of her gray + salon. I rushed into the fields and vineyards to make her two bouquets; + but as I gathered the flowers, one by one, cutting their long stalks and + admiring their beauty, the thought occurred to me that the colors and + foliage had a poetry, a harmony, which meant something to the + understanding while they charmed the eye; just as musical melodies awaken + memories in hearts that are loving and beloved. If color is light + organized, must it not have a meaning of its own, as the combinations of + the air have theirs? I called in the assistance of Jacques and Madeleine, + and all three of us conspired to surprise our dear one. I arranged, on the + lower steps of the portico, where we established our floral headquarters, + two bouquets by which I tried to convey a sentiment. Picture to yourself a + fountain of flowers gushing from the vases and falling back in curving + waves; my message springing from its bosom in white roses and lilies with + their silver cups. All the blue flowers, harebells, forget-me-nots, and + ox-tongues, whose tines, caught from the skies, blended so well with the + whiteness of the lilies, sparkled on this dewy texture; were they not the + type of two purities, the one that knows nothing, the other that knows + all; an image of the child, an image of the martyr? Love has its blazon, + and the countess discerned it inwardly. She gave me a poignant glance + which was like the cry of a soldier when his wound is touched; she was + humbled but enraptured too. My reward was in that glance; to refresh her + heart, to have given her comfort, what encouragement for me! Then it was + that I pressed the theories of Pere Castel into the service of love, and + recovered a science lost to Europe, where written pages have supplanted + the flowery missives of the Orient with their balmy tints. What charm in + expressing our sensations through these daughters of the sun, sisters to + the flowers that bloom beneath the rays of love! Before long I communed + with the flora of the fields, as a man whom I met in after days at + Grandlieu communed with his bees. + </p> + <p> + Twice a week during the remainder of my stay at Frapesle I continued the + slow labor of this poetic enterprise, for the ultimate accomplishment of + which I needed all varieties of herbaceous plants; into these I made a + deep research, less as a botanist than as a poet, studying their spirit + rather than their form. To find a flower in its native haunts I walked + enormous distances, beside the brooklets, through the valleys, to the + summit of the cliffs, across the moorland, garnering thoughts even from + the heather. During these rambles I initiated myself into pleasures + unthought of by the man of science who lives in meditation, unknown to the + horticulturist busy with specialities, to the artisan fettered to a city, + to the merchant fastened to his desk, but known to a few foresters, to a + few woodsmen, and to some dreamers. Nature can show effects the + significations of which are limitless; they rise to the grandeur of the + highest moral conceptions—be it the heather in bloom, covered with + the diamonds of the dew on which the sunlight dances; infinitude decked + for the single glance that may chance to fall upon it:—be it a + corner of the forest hemmed in with time-worn rocks crumbling to gravel + and clothed with mosses overgrown with juniper, which grasps our minds as + something savage, aggressive, terrifying as the cry of the kestrel issuing + from it:—be it a hot and barren moor without vegetation, stony, + rigid, its horizon like those of the desert, where once I gathered a + sublime and solitary flower, the anemone pulsatilla, with its violet + petals opening for the golden stamens; affecting image of my pure idol + alone in her valley:—be it great sheets of water, where nature casts + those spots of greenery, a species of transition between the plant and + animal, where life makes haste to come in flowers and insects, floating + there like worlds in ether:—be it a cottage with its garden of + cabbages, its vineyards, its hedges overhanging a bog, surrounded by a few + sparse fields of rye; true image of many humble existences:—be it a + forest path like some cathedral nave, where the trees are columns and + their branches arch the roof, at the far end of which a light breaks + through, mingled with shadows or tinted with sunset reds athwart the + leaves which gleam like the colored windows of a chancel:—then, + leaving these woods so cool and branchy, behold a chalk-land lying fallow, + where among the warm and cavernous mosses adders glide to their lairs, or + lift their proud slim heads. Cast upon all these pictures torrents of + sunlight like beneficent waters, or the shadow of gray clouds drawn in + lines like the wrinkles of an old man’s brow, or the cool tones of a sky + faintly orange and streaked with lines of a paler tint; then listen—you + will hear indefinable harmonies amid a silence which blends them all. + </p> + <p> + During the months of September and October I did not make a single bouquet + which cost me less than three hours search; so much did I admire, with the + real sympathy of a poet, these fugitive allegories of human life, that + vast theatre I was about to enter, the scenes of which my memory must + presently recall. Often do I now compare those splendid scenes with + memories of my soul thus expending itself on nature; again I walk that + valley with my sovereign, whose white robe brushed the coppice and floated + on the green sward, whose spirit rose, like a promised fruit, from each + calyx filled with amorous stamens. + </p> + <p> + No declaration of love, no vows of uncontrollable passion ever conveyed + more than these symphonies of flowers; my baffled desires impelled me to + efforts of expression through them like those of Beethoven through his + notes, to the same bitter reactions, to the same mighty bounds towards + heaven. In their presence Madame de Mortsauf was my Henriette. She looked + at them constantly; they fed her spirit, she gathered all the thoughts I + had given them, saying, as she raised her head from the embroidery frame + to receive my gift, “Ah, how beautiful!” + </p> + <p> + Natalie, you will understand this delightful intercourse through the + details of a bouquet, just as you would comprehend Saadi from a fragment + of his verse. Have you ever smelt in the fields in the month of May the + perfume that communicates to all created beings the intoxicating sense of + a new creation; the sense that makes you trail your hand in the water from + a boat, and loosen your hair to the breeze while your mind revives with + the springtide greenery of the trees? A little plant, a species of vernal + grass, is a powerful element in this veiled harmony; it cannot be worn + with impunity; take into your hand its shining blade, striped green and + white like a silken robe, and mysterious emotions will stir the rosebuds + your modesty keeps hidden in the depths of your heart. Round the neck of a + porcelain vase imagine a broad margin of the gray-white tufts peculiar to + the sedum of the vineyards of Touraine, vague image of submissive forms; + from this foundation come tendrils of the bind-weed with its silver bells, + sprays of pink rest-barrow mingled with a few young shoots of oak-leaves, + lustrous and magnificently colored; these creep forth prostrate, humble as + the weeping-willow, timid and supplicating as prayer. Above, see those + delicate threads of the purple amoret, with its flood of anthers that are + nearly yellow; the snowy pyramids of the meadow-sweet, the green tresses + of the wild oats, the slender plumes of the agrostis, which we call + wind-ear; roseate hopes, decking love’s earliest dream and standing forth + against the gray surroundings. But higher still, remark the Bengal roses, + sparsely scattered among the laces of the daucus, the plumes of the + linaria, the marabouts of the meadow-queen; see the umbels of the myrrh, + the spun glass of the clematis in seed, the dainty petals of the + cross-wort, white as milk, the corymbs of the yarrow, the spreading stems + of the fumitory with their black and rosy blossoms, the tendrils of the + grape, the twisted shoots of the honeysuckle; in short, all the innocent + creatures have that is most tangled, wayward, wild,—flames and + triple darts, leaves lanceolated or jagged, stalks convoluted like + passionate desires writhing in the soul. From the bosom of this torrent of + love rises the scarlet poppy, its tassels about to open, spreading its + flaming flakes above the starry jessamine, dominating the rain of pollen—that + soft mist fluttering in the air and reflecting the light in its myriad + particles. What woman intoxicated with the odor of the vernal grasses + would fail to understand this wealth of offered thoughts, these ardent + desires of a love demanding the happiness refused in a hundred struggles + which passion still renews, continuous, unwearying, eternal! + </p> + <p> + Put this speech of the flowers in the light of a window to show its crisp + details, its delicate contrasts, its arabesques of color, and allow the + sovereign lady to see a tear upon some petal more expanded than the rest. + What do we give to God? perfumes, light, and song, the purest expression + of our nature. Well, these offerings to God, are they not likewise offered + to love in this poem of luminous flowers murmuring their sadness to the + heart, cherishing its hidden transports, its unuttered hopes, its + illusions which gleam and fall to fragments like the gossamer of a + summer’s night? + </p> + <p> + Such neutral pleasures help to soothe a nature irritated by long + contemplation of the person beloved. They were to me, I dare not say to + her, like those fissures in a dam through which the water finds a vent and + avoids disaster. Abstinence brings deadly exhaustion, which a few crumbs + falling from heaven like manna in the desert, suffices to relieve. + Sometimes I found my Henriette standing before these bouquets with pendant + arms, lost in agitated reverie, thoughts swelling her bosom, illumining + her brow as they surged in waves and sank again, leaving lassitude and + languor behind them. Never again have I made a bouquet for any one. When + she and I had created this language and formed it to our uses, a + satisfaction filled our souls like that of a slave who escapes his + masters. + </p> + <p> + During the rest of this month as I came from the meadows through the + gardens I often saw her face at the window, and when I reached the salon + she was ready at her embroidery frame. If I did not arrive at the hour + expected (though never appointed), I saw a white form wandering on the + terrace, and when I joined her she would say, “I came to meet you; I must + show a few attentions to my youngest child.” + </p> + <p> + The miserable games of backgammon had come to end. The count’s late + purchases took all his time in going hither and thither about the + property, surveying, examining, and marking the boundaries of his new + possessions. He had orders to give, rural works to overlook which needed a + master’s eye,—all of them planned and decided on by his wife and + himself. We often went to meet him, the countess and I, with the children, + who amused themselves on the way by running after insects, stag-beetles, + darning-needles, they too making their bouquets, or to speak more truly, + their bundles of flowers. To walk beside the woman we love, to take her on + our arm, to guide her steps,—these are illimitable joys that suffice + a lifetime. Confidence is then complete. We went alone, we returned with + the “general,” a title given to the count when he was good-humored. These + two ways of taking the same path gave light and shade to our pleasure, a + secret known only to hearts debarred from union. Our talk, so free as we + went, had hidden significations as we returned, when either of us gave an + answer to some furtive interrogation, or continued a subject, already + begun, in the enigmatic phrases to which our language lends itself, and + which women are so ingenious in composing. Who has not known the pleasure + of such secret understandings in a sphere apart from those about us, a + sphere where spirits meet outside of social laws? + </p> + <p> + One day a wild hope, quickly dispelled, took possession of me, when the + count, wishing to know what we were talking of, put the inquiry, and + Henriette answered in words that allowed another meaning, which satisfied + him. This amused Madeleine, who laughed; after a moment her mother blushed + and gave me a forbidding look, as if to say she might still withdraw from + me her soul as she had once withdrawn her hand. But our purely spiritual + union had far too many charms, and on the morrow it continued as before. + </p> + <p> + The hours, days, and weeks fled by, filled with renascent joys. Grape + harvest, the festal season in Touraine, began. Toward the end of September + the sun, less hot than during the wheat harvest, allows of our staying in + the vineyards without danger of becoming overheated. It is easier to + gather grapes than to mow wheat. Fruits of all kinds are ripe, harvests + are garnered, bread is less dear; the sense of plenty makes the country + people happy. Fears as to the results of rural toil, in which more money + than sweat is often spent, vanish before a full granary and cellars about + to overflow. The vintage is then like a gay dessert after the dinner is + eaten; the skies of Touraine, where the autumns are always magnificent, + smile upon it. In this hospitable land the vintagers are fed and lodged in + the master’s house. The meals are the only ones throughout the year when + these poor people taste substantial, well-cooked food; and they cling to + the custom as the children of patriarchal families cling to anniversaries. + As the time approaches they flock in crowds to those houses where the + masters are known to treat the laborers liberally. The house is full of + people and of provisions. The presses are open. The country is alive with + the coming and going of itinerant coopers, of carts filled with laughing + girls and joyous husbandmen, who earn better wages than at any other time + during the year, and who sing as they go. There is also another cause of + pleasurable content: classes and ranks are equal; women, children, + masters, and men, all that little world, share in the garnering of the + divine hoard. These various elements of satisfaction explain the hilarity + of the vintage, transmitted from age to age in these last glorious days of + autumn, the remembrance of which inspired Rabelais with the bacchic form + of his great work. + </p> + <p> + The children, Jacques and Madeleine, had never seen a vintage; I was like + them, and they were full of infantine delight at finding a sharer of their + pleasure; their mother, too, promised to accompany us. We went to + Villaines, where baskets are manufactured, in quest of the prettiest that + could be bought; for we four were to cut certain rows reserved for our + scissors; it was, however, agreed that none of us were to eat too many + grapes. To eat the fat bunches of Touraine in a vineyard seemed so + delicious that we all refused the finest grapes on the dinner-table. + Jacques made me swear I would go to no other vineyard, but stay closely at + Clochegourde. Never were these frail little beings, usually pallid and + smiling, so fresh and rosy and active as they were this morning. They + chattered for chatter’s sake, and trotted about without apparent object; + they suddenly seemed, like other children, to have more life than they + needed; neither Monsieur nor Madame de Mortsauf had ever seen them so + before. I became a child again with them, more of a child than either of + them, perhaps; I, too, was hoping for my harvest. It was glorious weather + when we went to the vineyard, and we stayed there half the day. How we + disputed as to who had the finest grapes and who could fill his basket + quickest! The little human shoots ran to and fro from the vines to their + mother; not a bunch could be cut without showing it to her. She laughed + with the good, gay laugh of her girlhood when I, running up with my basket + after Madeleine, cried out, “Mine too! See mine, mamma!” To which she + answered: “Don’t get overheated, dear child.” Then passing her hand round + my neck and through my hair, she added, giving me a little tap on the + cheek, “You are melting away.” It was the only caress she ever gave me. I + looked at the pretty line of purple clusters, the hedges full of haws and + blackberries; I heard the voices of the children; I watched the trooping + girls, the cart loaded with barrels, the men with the panniers. Ah, it is + all engraved on my memory, even to the almond-tree beside which she stood, + girlish, rosy, smiling, beneath the sunshade held open in her hand. Then I + busied myself in cutting the bunches and filling my basket, going forward + to empty it in the vat, silently, with measured bodily movement and slow + steps that left my spirit free. I discovered then the ineffable pleasure + of an external labor which carries life along, and thus regulates the rush + of passion, often so near, but for this mechanical motion, to kindle into + flame. I learned how much wisdom is contained in uniform labor; I + understood monastic discipline. + </p> + <p> + For the first time in many days the count was neither surly nor cruel. His + son was so well; the future Duc de Lenoncourt-Mortsauf, fair and rosy and + stained with grape-juice, rejoiced his heart. This day being the last of + the vintage, he had promised a dance in front of Clochegourde in honor of + the return of the Bourbons, so that our festival gratified everybody. As + we returned to the house, the countess took my arm and leaned upon it, as + if to let my heart feel the weight of hers,—the instinctive movement + of a mother who seeks to convey her joy. Then she whispered in my ear, + “You bring us happiness.” + </p> + <p> + Ah, to me, who knew her sleepless nights, her cares, her fears, her former + existence, in which, although the hand of God sustained her, all was + barren and wearisome, those words uttered by that rich voice brought + pleasures no other woman in the world could give me. + </p> + <p> + “The terrible monotony of my life is broken, all things are radiant with + hope,” she said after a pause. “Oh, never leave me! Do not despise my + harmless superstitions; be the elder son, the protector of the younger.” + </p> + <p> + In this, Natalie, there is nothing romantic. To know the infinite of our + deepest feelings, we must in youth cast our lead into those great lakes + upon whose shores we live. Though to many souls passions are lava torrents + flowing among arid rocks, other souls there be in whom passion, restrained + by insurmountable obstacles, fills with purest water the crater of the + volcano. + </p> + <p> + We had still another fete. Madame de Mortsauf, wishing to accustom her + children to the practical things of life, and to give them some experience + of the toil by which men earn their living, had provided each of them with + a source of income, depending on the chances of agriculture. To Jacques + she gave the produce of the walnut-trees, to Madeleine that of the + chestnuts. The gathering of the nuts began soon after the vintage,—first + the chestnuts, then the walnuts. To beat Madeleine’s trees with a long + pole and hear the nuts fall and rebound on the dry, matted earth of a + chestnut-grove; to see the serious gravity of the little girl as she + examined the heaps and estimated their probable value, which to her + represented many pleasures on which she counted; the congratulations of + Manette, the trusted servant who alone supplied Madame de Mortsauf’s place + with the children; the explanations of the mother, showing the necessity + of labor to obtain all crops, so often imperilled by the uncertainties of + climate,—all these things made up a charming scene of innocent, + childlike happiness amid the fading colors of the late autumn. + </p> + <p> + Madeleine had a little granary of her own, in which I was to see her brown + treasure garnered and share her delight. Well, I quiver still when I + recall the sound of each basketful of nuts as it was emptied on the mass + of yellow husks, mixed with earth, which made the floor of the granary. + The count bought what was needed for the household; the farmers and + tenants, indeed, every one around Clochegourde, sent buyers to the + Mignonne, a pet name which the peasantry give even to strangers, but which + in this case belonged exclusively to Madeleine. + </p> + <p> + Jacques was less fortunate in gathering his walnuts. It rained for several + days; but I consoled him with the advice to hold back his nuts and sell + them a little later. Monsieur de Chessel had told me that the walnut-trees + in the Brehemont, also those about Amboise and Vouvray, were not bearing. + Walnut oil is in great demand in Touraine. Jacques might get at least + forty sous for the product of each tree, and as he had two hundred the + amount was considerable; he intended to spend it on the equipment of a + pony. This wish led to a discussion with his father, who bade him think of + the uncertainty of such returns, and the wisdom of creating a reserve fund + for the years when the trees might not bear, and so equalizing his + resources. I felt what was passing through the mother’s mind as she sat by + in silence; she rejoiced in the way Jacques listened to his father, the + father seeming to recover the paternal dignity that was lacking to him, + thanks to the ideas which she herself had prompted in him. Did I not tell + you truly that in picturing this woman earthly language was insufficient + to render either her character or her spirit. When such scenes occurred my + soul drank in their delights without analyzing them; but now, with what + vigor they detach themselves on the dark background of my troubled life! + Like diamonds they shine against the settling of thoughts degraded by + alloy, of bitter regrets for a lost happiness. Why do the names of the two + estates purchased after the Restoration, and in which Monsieur and Madame + de Mortsauf both took the deepest interest, the Cassine and the + Rhetoriere, move me more than the sacred names of the Holy Land or of + Greece? “Who loves, knows!” cried La Fontaine. Those names possess the + talismanic power of words uttered under certain constellations by seers; + they explain magic to me; they awaken sleeping forms which arise and speak + to me; they lead me to the happy valley; they recreate skies and + landscape. But such evocations are in the regions of the spiritual world; + they pass in the silence of my own soul. Be not surprised, therefore, if I + dwell on all these homely scenes; the smallest details of that simple, + almost common life are ties which, frail as they may seem, bound me in + closest union to the countess. + </p> + <p> + The interests of her children gave Madame de Mortsauf almost as much + anxiety as their health. I soon saw the truth of what she had told me as + to her secret share in the management of the family affairs, into which I + became slowly initiated. After ten years’ steady effort Madame de Mortsauf + had changed the method of cultivating the estate. She had “put it in + fours,” as the saying is in those parts, meaning the new system under + which wheat is sown every four years only, so as to make the soil produce + a different crop yearly. To evade the obstinate unwillingness of the + peasantry it was found necessary to cancel the old leases and give new + ones, to divide the estate into four great farms and let them on equal + shares, the sort of lease that prevails in Touraine and its neighborhood. + The owner of the estate gives the house, farm-buildings, and seed-grain to + tenants-at-will, with whom he divides the costs of cultivation and the + crops. This division is superintended by an agent or bailiff, whose + business it is to take the share belonging to the owner; a costly system, + complicated by the market changes of values, which alter the character of + the shares constantly. The countess had induced Monsieur de Mortsauf to + cultivate a fifth farm, made up of the reserved lands about Clochegourde, + as much to occupy his mind as to show other farmers the excellence of the + new method by the evidence of facts. Being thus, in a hidden way, the + mistress of the estate, she had slowly and with a woman’s persistency + rebuilt two of the farm-houses on the principle of those in Artois and + Flanders. It is easy to see her motive. She wished, after the expiration + of the leases on shares, to relet to intelligent and capable persons for + rental in money, and thus simplify the revenues of Clochegourde. Fearing + to die before her husband, she was anxious to secure for him a regular + income, and to her children a property which no incapacity could + jeopardize. At the present time the fruit-trees planted during the last + ten years were in full bearing; the hedges, which secured the boundaries + from dispute, were in good order; the elms and poplars were growing well. + With the new purchases and the new farming system well under way, the + estate of Clochegourde, divided into four great farms, two of which still + needed new houses, was capable of bringing in forty thousand francs a + year, ten thousand for each farm, not counting the yield of the vineyards, + and the two hundred acres of woodland which adjoined them, nor the profits + of the model home-farm. The roads to the great farms all opened on an + avenue which followed a straight line from Clochegourde to the main road + leading to Chinon. The distance from the entrance of this avenue to Tours + was only fifteen miles; tenants would never be wanting, especially now + that everybody was talking of the count’s improvements and the excellent + condition of his land. + </p> + <p> + The countess wished to put some fifteen thousand francs into each of the + estates lately purchased, and to turn the present dwellings into two large + farm-houses and buildings, in order that the property might bring in a + better rent after the ground had been cultivated for a year or two. These + ideas, so simple in themselves, but complicated with the thirty odd + thousand francs it was necessary to expend upon them, were just now the + topic of many discussions between herself and the count, sometimes + amounting to bitter quarrels, in which she was sustained by the thought of + her children’s interests. The fear, “If I die to-morrow what will become + of them?” made her heart beat. The gentle, peaceful hearts to whom anger + is an impossibility, and whose sole desire is to shed on those about them + their own inward peace, alone know what strength is needed for such + struggles, what demands upon the spirit must be made before beginning the + contest, what weariness ensues when the fight is over and nothing has been + won. At this moment, just as her children seemed less anemic, less frail, + more active (for the fruit season had had its effect on them), and her + moist eyes followed them as they played about her with a sense of + contentment which renewed her strength and refreshed her heart, the poor + woman was called upon to bear the sharp sarcasms and attacks of an angry + opposition. The count, alarmed at the plans she proposed, denied with + stolid obstinacy the advantages of all she had done and the possibility of + doing more. He replied to conclusive reasoning with the folly of a child + who denies the influence of the sun in summer. The countess, however, + carried the day. The victory of commonsense over insanity so healed her + wounds that she forgot the battle. That day we all went to the Cassine and + the Rhetoriere, to decide upon the buildings. The count walked alone in + front, the children went next, and we ourselves followed slowly, for she + was speaking in a low, gentle tone, which made her words like the murmur + of the sea as it ripples on a smooth beach. + </p> + <p> + She was, she said, certain of success. A new line of communication between + Tours and Chinon was to be opened by an active man, a carrier, a cousin of + Manette’s, who wanted a large farm on the route. His family was numerous; + the eldest son would drive the carts, the second could attend to the + business, the father living half-way along the road, at Rabelaye, one of + the farms then to let, would look after the relays and enrich his land + with the manure of the stables. As to the other farm, la Baude, the + nearest to Clochegourde, one of their own people, a worthy, intelligent, + and industrious man, who saw the advantages of the new system of + agriculture, was ready to take a lease on it. The Cassine and the + Rhetoriere need give no anxiety; their soil was the very best in the + neighborhood; the farm-houses once built, and the ground brought into + cultivation, it would be quite enough to advertise them at Tours; tenants + would soon apply for them. In two years’ time Clochegourde would be worth + at least twenty-four thousand francs a year. Gravelotte, the farm in + Maine, which Monsieur de Mortsauf had recovered after the emigration, was + rented for seven thousand francs a year for nine years; his pension was + four thousand. This income might not be a fortune, but it was certainly a + competence. Later, other additions to it might enable her to go to Paris + and attend to Jacques’ education; in two years, she thought, his health + would be established. + </p> + <p> + With what feeling she uttered the word “Paris!” I knew her thought; she + wished to be as little separated as possible from her friend. On that I + broke forth; I told her that she did not know me; that without talking of + it, I had resolved to finish my education by working day and night so as + to fit myself to be Jacques’ tutor. She looked grave. + </p> + <p> + “No, Felix,” she said, “that cannot be, any more than your priesthood. I + thank you from my heart as a mother, but as a woman who loves you + sincerely I can never allow you to be the victim of your attachment to me. + Such a position would be a social discredit to you, and I could not allow + it. No! I cannot be an injury to you in any way. You, Vicomte de + Vandenesse, a tutor! You, whose motto is ‘Ne se vend!’ Were you Richelieu + himself it would bar your way in life; it would give the utmost pain to + your family. My friend, you do not know what insult women of the world, + like my mother, can put into a patronizing glance, what degradation into a + word, what contempt into a bow.” + </p> + <p> + “But if you love me, what is the world to me?” + </p> + <p> + She pretended not to hear, and went on:— + </p> + <p> + “Though my father is most kind and desirous of doing all I ask, he would + never forgive your taking so humble a position; he would refuse you his + protection. I could not consent to your becoming tutor to the Dauphin + even. You must accept society as it is; never commit the fault of flying + in the face of it. My friend, this rash proposal of—” + </p> + <p> + “Love,” I whispered. + </p> + <p> + “No, charity,” she said, controlling her tears, “this wild idea enlightens + me as to your character; your heart will be your bane. I shall claim from + this moment the right to teach you certain things. Let my woman’s eye see + for you sometimes. Yes, from the solitudes of Clochegourde I mean to + share, silently, contentedly, in your successes. As to a tutor, do not + fear; we shall find some good old abbe, some learned Jesuit, and my father + will gladly devote a handsome sum to the education of the boy who is to + bear his name. Jacques is my pride. He is, however, eleven years old,” she + added after a pause. “But it is with him as with you; when I first saw you + I took you to be about thirteen.” + </p> + <p> + We now reached the Cassine, where Jacques, Madeleine, and I followed her + about as children follow a mother; but we were in her way; I left her + presently and went into the orchard where Martineau the elder, keeper of + the place, was discussing with Martineau the younger, the bailiff, whether + certain trees ought or ought not to be taken down; they were arguing the + matter as if it concerned their own property. I then saw how much the + countess was beloved. I spoke of it to a poor laborer, who, with one foot + on his spade and an elbow on its handle, stood listening to the two + doctors of pomology. + </p> + <p> + “Ah, yes, monsieur,” he answered, “she is a good woman, and not haughty + like those hussies at Azay, who would see us die like dogs sooner than + yield us one penny of the price of a grave! The day when that woman leaves + these parts the Blessed Virgin will weep, and we too. She knows what is + due to her, but she knows our hardships, too, and she puts them into the + account.” + </p> + <p> + With what pleasure I gave that man all the money I had. + </p> + <p> + A few days later a pony arrived for Jacques, his father, an excellent + horseman, wishing to accustom the child by degrees to the fatigues of such + exercise. The boy had a pretty riding-dress, bought with the product of + the nuts. The morning when he took his first lesson accompanied by his + father and by Madeleine, who jumped and shouted about the lawn round which + Jacques was riding, was a great maternal festival for the countess. The + boy wore a blue collar embroidered by her, a little sky-blue overcoat + fastened by a polished leather belt, a pair of white trousers pleated at + the waist, and a Scotch cap, from which his fair hair flowed in heavy + locks. He was charming to behold. All the servants clustered round to + share the domestic joy. The little heir smiled at his mother as he passed + her, sitting erect, and quite fearless. This first manly act of a child to + whom death had often seemed so near, the promise of a sound future + warranted by this ride which showed him so handsome, so fresh, so rosy,—what + a reward for all her cares! Then too the joy of the father, who seemed to + renew his youth, and who smiled for the first time in many long months; + the pleasure shown on all faces, the shout of an old huntsman of the + Lenoncourts, who had just arrived from Tours, and who, seeing how the boy + held the reins, shouted to him, “Bravo, monsieur le vicomte!”—all + this was too much for the poor mother, and she burst into tears; she, so + calm in her griefs, was too weak to bear the joy of admiring her boy as he + bounded over the gravel, where so often she had led him in the sunshine + inwardly weeping his expected death. She leaned upon my arm unreservedly, + and said: “I think I have never suffered. Do not leave us to-day.” + </p> + <p> + The lesson over, Jacques jumped into his mother’s arms; she caught him and + held him tightly to her, kissing him passionately. I went with Madeleine + to arrange two magnificent bouquets for the dinner-table in honor of the + young equestrian. When we returned to the salon the countess said: “The + fifteenth of October is certainly a great day with me. Jacques has taken + his first riding lesson, and I have just set the last stitch in my + furniture cover.” + </p> + <p> + “Then, Blanche,” said the count, laughing, “I must pay you for it.” + </p> + <p> + He offered her his arm and took her to the first courtyard, where stood an + open carriage which her father had sent her, and for which the count had + purchased two English horses. The old huntsman had prepared the surprise + while Jacques was taking his lesson. We got into the carriage, and went to + see where the new avenue entered the main road towards Chinon. As we + returned, the countess said to me in an anxious tone, “I am too happy; to + me happiness is like an illness,—it overwhelms me; I fear it may + vanish like a dream.” + </p> + <p> + I loved her too passionately not to feel jealous,—I who could give + her nothing! In my rage against myself I longed for some means of dying + for her. She asked me to tell her the thoughts that filled my eyes, and I + told her honestly. She was more touched than by all her presents; then + taking me to the portico, she poured comfort into my heart. “Love me as my + aunt loved me,” she said, “and that will be giving me your life; and if I + take it, must I not ever be grateful to you? + </p> + <p> + “It was time I finished my tapestry,” she added as we re-entered the + salon, where I kissed her hand as if to renew my vows. “Perhaps you do not + know, Felix, why I began so formidable a piece of work. Men find the + occupations of life a great resource against troubles; the management of + affairs distracts their mind; but we poor women have no support within + ourselves against our sorrows. To be able to smile before my children and + my husband when my heart was heavy I felt the need of controlling my + inward sufferings by some physical exercise. In this way I escaped the + depression which is apt to follow a great strain upon the moral strength, + and likewise all outbursts of excitement. The mere action of lifting my + arm regularly as I drew the stitches rocked my thoughts and gave to my + spirit when the tempest raged a monotonous ebb and flow which seemed to + regulate its emotions. To every stitch I confided my secrets,—you + understand me, do you not? Well, while doing my last chair I have thought + much, too much, of you, dear friend. What you have put into your bouquets + I have said in my embroidery.” + </p> + <p> + The dinner was lovely. Jacques, like all children when you take notice of + them, jumped into my arms when he saw the flowers I had arranged for him + as a garland. His mother pretended to be jealous; ah, Natalie, you should + have seen the charming grace with which the dear child offered them to + her. In the afternoon we played a game of backgammon, I alone against + Monsieur and Madame de Mortsauf, and the count was charming. They + accompanied me along the road to Frapesle in the twilight of a tranquil + evening, one of those harmonious evenings when our feelings gain in depth + what they lose in vivacity. It was a day of days in this poor woman’s + life; a spot of brightness which often comforted her thoughts in painful + hours. + </p> + <p> + Soon, however, the riding lessons became a subject of contention. The + countess justly feared the count’s harsh reprimands to his son. Jacques + grew thin, dark circles surrounded his sweet blue eyes; rather than + trouble his mother, he suffered in silence. I advised him to tell his + father he was tired when the count’s temper was violent; but that + expedient proved unavailing, and it became necessary to substitute the old + huntsman as a teacher in place of the father, who could with difficulty be + induced to resign his pupil. Angry reproaches and contentions began once + more; the count found a text for his continual complaints in the base + ingratitude of women; he flung the carriage, horses, and liveries in his + wife’s face twenty times a day. At last a circumstance occurred on which a + man with his nature and his disease naturally fastened eagerly. The cost + of the buildings at the Cassine and the Rhetoriere proved to be half as + much again as the estimate. This news was unfortunately given in the first + instance to Monsieur de Mortsauf instead of to his wife. It was the ground + of a quarrel, which began mildly but grew more and more embittered until + it seemed as though the count’s madness, lulled for a short time, was + demanding its arrearages from the poor wife. + </p> + <p> + That day I had started from Frapesle at half-past ten to search for + flowers with Madeleine. The child had brought the two vases to the + portico, and I was wandering about the gardens and adjoining meadows + gathering the autumn flowers, so beautiful, but too rare. Returning from + my final quest, I could not find my little lieutenant with her white cape + and broad pink sash; but I heard cries within the house, and Madeleine + presently came running out. + </p> + <p> + “The general,” she said, crying (the term with her was an expression of + dislike), “the general is scolding mamma; go and defend her.” + </p> + <p> + I sprang up the steps of the portico and reached the salon without being + seen by either the count or his wife. Hearing the madman’s sharp cries I + first shut all the doors, then I returned and found Henriette as white as + her dress. + </p> + <p> + “Never marry, Felix,” said the count as soon as he saw me; “a woman is led + by the devil; the most virtuous of them would invent evil if it did not + exist; they are all vile.” + </p> + <p> + Then followed arguments without beginning or end. Harking back to the old + troubles, Monsieur de Mortsauf repeated the nonsense of the peasantry + against the new system of farming. He declared that if he had had the + management of Clochegourde he should be twice as rich as he now was. He + shouted these complaints and insults, he swore, he sprang around the room + knocking against the furniture and displacing it; then in the middle of a + sentence he stopped short, complained that his very marrow was on fire, + his brains melting away like his money, his wife had ruined him! The + countess smiled and looked upward. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, Blanche,” he cried, “you are my executioner; you are killing me; I + am in your way; you want to get rid of me; you are monster of hypocrisy. + She is smiling! Do you know why she smiles, Felix?” + </p> + <p> + I kept silence and looked down. + </p> + <p> + “That woman,” he continued, answering his own question, “denies me all + happiness; she is no more to me than she is to you, and yet she pretends + to be my wife! She bears my name and fulfils none of the duties which all + laws, human and divine, impose upon her; she lies to God and man. She + obliges me to go long distances, hoping to wear me out and make me leave + her to herself; I am displeasing to her, she hates me; she puts all her + art into keeping me away from her; she has made me mad through the + privations she imposes on me—for everything flies to my poor head; + she is killing me by degrees, and she thinks herself a saint and takes the + sacrament every month!” + </p> + <p> + The countess was weeping bitterly, humiliated by the degradation of the + man, to whom she kept saying for all answer, “Monsieur! monsieur! + monsieur!” + </p> + <p> + Though the count’s words made me blush, more for him than for Henriette, + they stirred my heart violently, for they appealed to the sense of + chastity and delicacy which is indeed the very warp and woof of first + love. + </p> + <p> + “She is virgin at my expense,” cried the count. + </p> + <p> + At these words the countess cried out, “Monsieur!” + </p> + <p> + “What do you mean with your imperious ‘Monsieur!’” he shouted. “Am I not + your master? Must I teach you that I am?” + </p> + <p> + He came towards her, thrusting forward his white wolf’s head, now hideous, + for his yellow eyes had a savage expression which made him look like a wild + beast rushing out of a wood. Henriette slid from her chair to the ground + to avoid a blow, which however was not given; she lay at full length on + the floor and lost consciousness, completely exhausted. The count was like + a murderer who feels the blood of his victim spurting in his face; he + stopped short, bewildered. I took the poor woman in my arms, and the count + let me take her, as though he felt unworthy to touch her; but he went + before me to open the door of her bedroom next the salon,—a sacred + room I had never entered. I put the countess on her feet and held her for + a moment in one arm, passing the other round her waist, while Monsieur de + Mortsauf took the eider-down coverlet from the bed; then together we + lifted her and laid her, still dressed, on the bed. When she came to + herself she motioned to us to unfasten her belt. Monsieur de Mortsauf + found a pair of scissors, and cut through it; I made her breathe salts, + and she opened her eyes. The count left the room, more ashamed than sorry. + Two hours passed in perfect silence. Henriette’s hand lay in mine; she + pressed it to mine, but could not speak. From time to time she opened her + eyes as if to tell me by a look that she wished to be still and silent; + then suddenly, for an instant, there seemed a change; she rose on her + elbow and whispered, “Unhappy man!—ah! if you did but know—” + </p> + <p> + She fell back upon the pillow. The remembrance of her past sufferings, + joined to the present shock, threw her again into the nervous convulsions + I had just calmed by the magnetism of love,—a power then unknown to + me, but which I used instinctively. I held her with gentle force, and she + gave me a look which made me weep. When the nervous motions ceased I + smoothed her disordered hair, the first and only time that I ever touched + it; then I again took her hand and sat looking at the room, all brown and + gray, at the bed with its simple chintz curtains, at the toilet table + draped in a fashion now discarded, at the commonplace sofa with its + quilted mattress. What poetry I could read in that room! What + renunciations of luxury for herself; the only luxury being its spotless + cleanliness. Sacred cell of a married nun, filled with holy resignation; + its sole adornments were the crucifix of her bed, and above it the + portrait of her aunt; then, on each side of the holy water basin, two + drawings of the children made by herself, with locks of their hair when + they were little. What a retreat for a woman whose appearance in the great + world of fashion would have made the handsomest of her sex jealous! Such + was the chamber where the daughter of an illustrious family wept out her + days, sunken at this moment in anguish, and denying herself the love that + might have comforted her. Hidden, irreparable woe! Tears of the victim for + her slayer, tears of the slayer for his victim! When the children and + waiting-woman came at length into the room I left it. The count was + waiting for me; he seemed to seek me as a mediating power between himself + and his wife. He caught my hands, exclaiming, “Stay, stay with us, Felix!” + </p> + <p> + “Unfortunately,” I said, “Monsieur de Chessel has a party, and my absence + would cause remark. But after dinner I will return.” + </p> + <p> + He left the house when I did, and took me to the lower gate without + speaking; then he accompanied me to Frapesle, seeming not to know what he + was doing. At last I said to him, “For heaven’s sake, Monsieur le comte, + let her manage your affairs if it pleases her, and don’t torment her.” + </p> + <p> + “I have not long to live,” he said gravely; “she will not suffer long + through me; my head is giving way.” + </p> + <p> + He left me in a spasm of involuntary self-pity. After dinner I returned + for news of Madame de Mortsauf, who was already better. If such were the + joys of marriage, if such scenes were frequent, how could she survive them + long? What slow, unpunished murder was this? During that day I understood + the tortures by which the count was wearing out his wife. Before what + tribunal can we arraign such crimes? These thoughts stunned me; I could + say nothing to Henriette by word of mouth, but I spent the night in + writing to her. Of the three or four letters that I wrote I have kept only + the beginning of one, with which I was not satisfied. Here it is, for + though it seems to me to express nothing, and to speak too much of myself + when I ought only to have thought of her, it will serve to show you the + state my soul was in:— + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + To Madame de Mortsauf: + + How many things I had to say to you when I reached the house! I + thought of them on the way, but I forgot them in your presence. + Yes, when I see you, dear Henriette, I find my thoughts no longer + in keeping with the light from your soul which heightens your + beauty; then, too, the happiness of being near you is so ineffable + as to efface all other feelings. Each time we meet I am born into + a broader life; I am like the traveller who climbs a rock and sees + before him a new horizon. Each time you talk with me I add new + treasures to my treasury. There lies, I think, the secret of long + and inexhaustible affections. I can only speak to you of yourself + when away from you. In your presence I am too dazzled to see, too + happy to question my happiness, too full of you to be myself, too + eloquent through you to speak, too eager in seizing the present + moment to remember the past. You must think of this state of + intoxication and forgive me its consequent mistakes. + + When near you I can only feel. Yet, I have courage to say, dear + Henriette, that never, in all the many joys you have given me, + never did I taste such joy as filled my soul when, after that + dreadful storm through which you struggled with superhuman + courage, you came to yourself alone with me, in the twilight of + your chamber where that unhappy scene had brought me. I alone + know the light that shines from a woman when through the portals + of death she re-enters life with the dawn of a rebirth tinting her + brow. What harmonies were in your voice! How words, even your + words, seemed paltry when the sound of that adored voice—in + itself the echo of past pains mingled with divine consolations + —blessed me with the gift of your first thought. I knew you were + brilliant with all human splendor, but yesterday I found a new + Henriette, who might be mine if God so willed; I beheld a spirit + freed from the bodily trammels which repress the ardors of the + soul. Ah! thou wert beautiful indeed in thy weakness, majestic in + thy prostration. Yesterday I found something more beautiful than + thy beauty, sweeter than thy voice; lights more sparkling than the + light of thine eyes, perfumes for which there are no words + —yesterday thy soul was visible and palpable. Would I could have + opened my heart and made thee live there! Yesterday I lost the + respectful timidity with which thy presence inspires me; thy + weakness brought us nearer together. Then, when the crisis passed + and thou couldst bear our atmosphere once more, I knew what it was + to breathe in unison with thy breath. How many prayers rose up to + heaven in that moment! Since I did not die as I rushed through + space to ask of God that he would leave thee with me, no human + creature can die of joy nor yet of sorrow. That moment has left + memories buried in my soul which never again will reappear upon + its surface and leave me tearless. Yes, the fears with which my + soul was tortured yesterday are incomparably greater than all + sorrows that the future can bring upon me, just as the joys which + thou hast given me, dear eternal thought of my life! will be + forever greater than any future joy God may be pleased to grant + me. Thou hast made me comprehend the love divine, that sure love, + sure in strength and in duration, that knows no doubt or jealousy. +</pre> + <p> + Deepest melancholy gnawed my soul; the glimpse into that hidden life was + agonizing to a young heart new to social emotions; it was an awful thing + to find this abyss at the opening of life,—a bottomless abyss, a + Dead Sea. This dreadful aggregation of misfortunes suggested many + thoughts; at my first step into social life I found a standard of + comparison by which all other events and circumstances must seem petty. + </p> + <p> + The next day when I entered the salon she was there alone. She looked at + me for a moment, held out her hand, and said, “My friend is always too + tender.” Her eyes grew moist; she rose, and then she added, in a tone of + desperate entreaty, “Never write thus to me again.” + </p> + <p> + Monsieur de Mortsauf was very kind. The countess had recovered her courage + and serenity; but her pallor betrayed the sufferings of the previous + night, which were calmed, but not extinguished. That evening she said to + me, as she paced among the autumn leaves which rustled beneath our + footsteps, “Sorrow is infinite; joys are limited,”—words which + betrayed her sufferings by the comparison she made with the fleeting + delights of the previous week. + </p> + <p> + “Do not slander life,” I said to her. “You are ignorant of love; love + gives happiness which shines in heaven.” + </p> + <p> + “Hush!” she said. “I wish to know nothing of it. The Icelander would die + in Italy. I am calm and happy beside you; I can tell you all my thoughts; + do not destroy my confidence. Why will you not combine the virtue of the + priest with the charm of a free man.” + </p> + <p> + “You make me drink the hemlock!” I cried, taking her hand and laying it on + my heart, which was beating fast. + </p> + <p> + “Again!” she said, withdrawing her hand as if it pained her. “Are you + determined to deny me the sad comfort of letting my wounds be stanched by + a friendly hand? Do not add to my sufferings; you do not know them all; + those that are hidden are the worst to bear. If you were a woman you would + know the melancholy disgust that fills her soul when she sees herself the + object of attentions which atone for nothing, but are thought to atone for + all. For the next few days I shall be courted and caressed, that I may + pardon the wrong that has been done. I could then obtain consent to any + wish of mine, however unreasonable. I am humiliated by his humility, by + caresses which will cease as soon as he imagines that I have forgotten + that scene. To owe our master’s good graces to his faults—” + </p> + <p> + “His crimes!” I interrupted quickly. + </p> + <p> + “Is not that a frightful condition of existence?” she continued, with a + sad smile. “I cannot use this transient power. At such times I am like the + knights who could not strike a fallen adversary. To see in the dust a man + whom we ought to honor, to raise him only to enable him to deal other + blows, to suffer from his degradation more than he suffers himself, to + feel ourselves degraded if we profit by such influence for even a useful + end, to spend our strength, to waste the vigor of our souls in struggles + that have no grandeur, to have no power except for a moment when a fatal + crisis comes—ah, better death! If I had no children I would let + myself drift on the wretched current of this life; but if I lose my + courage, what will become of them? I must live for them, however cruel + this life may be. You talk to me of love. Ah! my dear friend, think of the + hell into which I should fling myself if I gave that pitiless being, + pitiless like all weak creatures, the right to despise me. The purity of + my conduct is my strength. Virtue, dear friend, is holy water in which we + gain fresh strength, from which we issue renewed in the love of God.” + </p> + <p> + “Listen to me, dear Henriette; I have only another week to stay here, and + I wish—” + </p> + <p> + “Ah, you mean to leave us!” she exclaimed. + </p> + <p> + “You must know what my father intends to do with me,” I replied. “It is + now three months—” + </p> + <p> + “I have not counted the days,” she said, with momentary self-abandonment. + Then she checked herself and cried, “Come, let us go to Frapesle.” + </p> + <p> + She called the count and the children, sent for a shawl, and when all were + ready she, usually so calm and slow in all her movements, became as active + as a Parisian, and we started in a body to pay a visit at Frapesle which + the countess did not owe. She forced herself to talk to Madame de Chessel, + who was fortunately discursive in her answers. The count and Monsieur de + Chessel conversed on business. I was afraid the former might boast of his + carriage and horses; but he committed no such solecisms. His neighbor + questioned him about his projected improvements at the Cassine and the + Rhetoriere. I looked at the count, wondering if he would avoid a subject + of conversation so full of painful memories to all, so cruelly mortifying + to him. On the contrary, he explained how urgent a duty it was to better + the agricultural condition of the canton, to build good houses and make + the premises salubrious; in short, he glorified himself with his wife’s + ideas. I blushed as I looked at her. Such want of scruple in a man who, on + certain occasions, could be scrupulous enough, this oblivion of the + dreadful scene, this adoption of ideas against which he had fought so + violently, this confident belief in himself, petrified me. + </p> + <p> + When Monsieur de Chessel said to him, “Do you expect to recover your + outlay?” + </p> + <p> + “More than recover it!” he exclaimed, with a confident gesture. + </p> + <p> + Such contradictions can be explained only by the word “insanity.” + Henriette, celestial creature, was radiant. The count was appearing to be + a man of intelligence, a good administrator, an excellent agriculturist; + she played with her boy’s curly head, joyous for him, happy for herself. + What a comedy of pain, what mockery in this drama; I was horrified by it. + Later in life, when the curtain of the world’s stage was lifted before me, + how many other Mortsaufs I saw without the loyalty and the religious faith + of this man. What strange, relentless power is it that perpetually awards + an angel to a madman; to a man of heart, of true poetic passion, a base + woman; to the petty, grandeur; to this demented brain, a beautiful, + sublime being; to Juana, Captain Diard, whose history at Bordeaux I have + told you; to Madame de Beauseant, an Ajuda; to Madame d’Aiglemont, her + husband; to the Marquis d’Espard, his wife! Long have I sought the meaning + of this enigma. I have ransacked many mysteries, I have discovered the + reason of many natural laws, the purport of some divine hieroglyphics; of + the meaning of this dark secret I know nothing. I study it as I would the + form of an Indian weapon, the symbolic construction of which is known only + to the Brahmans. In this dread mystery the spirit of Evil is too visibly + the master; I dare not lay the blame to God. Anguish irremediable, what + power finds amusement in weaving you? Can Henriette and her mysterious + philosopher be right? Does their mysticism contain the explanation of + humanity? + </p> + <p> + The autumn leaves were falling during the last few days which I passed in + the valley, days of lowering clouds, which do sometimes obscure the heaven + of Touraine, so pure, so warm at that fine season. The evening before my + departure Madame de Mortsauf took me to the terrace before dinner. + </p> + <p> + “My dear Felix,” she said, after we had taken a turn in silence under the + leafless trees, “you are about to enter the world, and I wish to go with + you in thought. Those who have suffered much have lived and known much. Do + not think that solitary souls know nothing of the world; on the contrary, + they are able to judge it. Hear me: If I am to live in and for my friend I + must do what I can for his heart and for his conscience. When the conflict + rages it is hard to remember rules; therefore let me give you a few + instructions, the warnings of a mother to her son. The day you leave us I + shall give you a letter, a long letter, in which you will find my woman’s + thoughts on the world, on society, on men, on the right methods of meeting + difficulty in this great clash of human interests. Promise me not to read + this letter till you reach Paris. I ask it from a fanciful sentiment, one + of those secrets of womanhood not impossible to understand, but which we + grieve to find deciphered; leave me this covert way where as a woman I + wish to walk alone.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, I promise it,” I said, kissing her hand. + </p> + <p> + “Ah,” she added, “I have one more promise to ask of you; but grant it + first.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, yes!” I cried, thinking it was surely a promise of fidelity. + </p> + <p> + “It does not concern myself,” she said smiling, with some bitterness. + “Felix, do not gamble in any house, no matter whose it be; I except none.” + </p> + <p> + “I will never play at all,” I replied. + </p> + <p> + “Good,” she said. “I have found a better use for your time than to waste + it on cards. The end will be that where others must sooner or later be + losers you will invariably win.” + </p> + <p> + “How so?” + </p> + <p> + “The letter will tell you,” she said, with a playful smile, which took + from her advice the serious tone which might certainly have been that of a + grandfather. + </p> + <p> + The countess talked to me for an hour, and proved the depth of her + affection by the study she had made of my nature during the last three + months. She penetrated the recesses of my heart, entering it with her own; + the tones of her voice were changeful and convincing; the words fell from + maternal lips, showing by their tone as well as by their meaning how many + ties already bound us to each other. + </p> + <p> + “If you knew,” she said in conclusion, “with what anxiety I shall follow + your course, what joy I shall feel if you walk straight, what tears I must + shed if you strike against the angles! Believe that my affection has no + equal; it is involuntary and yet deliberate. Ah, I would that I might see + you happy, powerful, respected,—you who are to me a living dream.” + </p> + <p> + She made me weep, so tender and so terrible was she. Her feelings came + boldly to the surface, yet they were too pure to give the slightest hope + even to a young man thirsting for pleasure. Ignoring my tortured flesh, + she shed the rays, undeviating, incorruptible, of the divine love, which + satisfies the soul only. She rose to heights whither the prismatic pinions + of a love like mine were powerless to bear me. To reach her a man must + needs have won the white wings of the seraphim. + </p> + <p> + “In all that happens to me I will ask myself,” I said, “‘What would my + Henriette say?’” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, I will be the star and the sanctuary both,” she said, alluding to + the dreams of my childhood. + </p> + <p> + “You are my light and my religion,” I cried; “you shall be my all.” + </p> + <p> + “No,” she answered; “I can never be the source of your pleasures.” + </p> + <p> + She sighed; the smile of secret pain was on her lips, the smile of the + slave who momentarily revolts. From that day forth she was to me, not + merely my beloved, but my only love; she was not IN my heart as a woman + who takes a place, who makes it hers by devotion or by excess of pleasure + given; but she was my heart itself,—it was all hers, a something + necessary to the play of my muscles. She became to me as Beatrice to the + Florentine, as the spotless Laura to the Venetian, the mother of great + thoughts, the secret cause of resolutions which saved me, the support of + my future, the light shining in the darkness like a lily in a wood. Yes, + she inspired those high resolves which pass through flames, which save the + thing in peril; she gave me a constancy like Coligny’s to vanquish + conquerors, to rise above defeat, to weary the strongest wrestler. + </p> + <p> + The next day, having breakfasted at Frapesle and bade adieu to my kind + hosts, I went to Clochegourde. Monsieur and Madame de Mortsauf had + arranged to drive with me to Tours, whence I was to start the same night + for Paris. During the drive the countess was silent; she pretended at + first to have a headache; then she blushed at the falsehood, and expiated + it by saying that she could not see me go without regret. The count + invited me to stay with them whenever, in the absence of the Chessels, I + might long to see the valley of the Indre once more. We parted heroically, + without apparent tears, but Jacques, who like other delicate children was + quickly touched, began to cry, while Madeleine, already a woman, pressed + her mother’s hand. + </p> + <p> + “Dear little one!” said the countess, kissing Jacques passionately. + </p> + <p> + When I was alone at Tours after dinner a wild, inexplicable desire known + only to young blood possessed me. I hired a horse and rode from Tours to + Pont-de-Ruan in an hour and a quarter. There, ashamed of my folly, I + dismounted, and went on foot along the road, stepping cautiously like a + spy till I reached the terrace. The countess was not there, and I imagined + her ill; I had kept the key of the little gate, by which I now entered; + she was coming down the steps of the portico with the two children to + breathe in sadly and slowly the tender melancholy of the landscape, bathed + at that moment in the setting sun. + </p> + <p> + “Mother, here is Felix,” said Madeleine. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” I whispered; “it is I. I asked myself why I should stay at Tours + while I still could see you; why not indulge a desire that in a few days + more I could not gratify.” + </p> + <p> + “He won’t leave us again, mother,” cried Jacques, jumping round me. + </p> + <p> + “Hush!” said Madeleine; “if you make such a noise the general will come.” + </p> + <p> + “It is not right,” she said. “What folly!” + </p> + <p> + The tears in her voice were the payment of what must be called a usurious + speculation of love. + </p> + <p> + “I had forgotten to return this key,” I said smiling. + </p> + <p> + “Then you will never return,” she said. + </p> + <p> + “Can we ever be really parted?” I asked, with a look which made her drop + her eyelids for all answer. + </p> + <p> + I left her after a few moments passed in that happy stupor of the spirit + where exaltation ends and ecstasy begins. I went with lagging step, + looking back at every minute. When, from the summit of the hill, I saw the + valley for the last time I was struck with the contrast it presented to + what it was when I first came there. Then it was verdant, then it glowed, + glowed and blossomed like my hopes and my desires. Initiated now into the + gloomy secrets of a family, sharing the anguish of a Christian Niobe, sad + with her sadness, my soul darkened, I saw the valley in the tone of my own + thoughts. The fields were bare, the leaves of the poplars falling, the few + that remained were rusty, the vine-stalks were burned, the tops of the + trees were tan-colored, like the robes in which royalty once clothed + itself as if to hide the purple of its power beneath the brown of grief. + Still in harmony with my thoughts, the valley, where the yellow rays of + the setting sun were coldly dying, seemed to me a living image of my + heart. + </p> + <p> + To leave a beloved woman is terrible or natural, according as the mind + takes it. For my part, I found myself suddenly in a strange land of which + I knew not the language. I was unable to lay hold of things to which my + soul no longer felt attachment. Then it was that the height and the + breadth of my love came before me; my Henriette rose in all her majesty in + this desert where I existed only through thoughts of her. That form so + worshipped made me vow to keep myself spotless before my soul’s divinity, + to wear ideally the white robe of the Levite, like Petrarch, who never + entered Laura’s presence unless clothed in white. With what impatience I + awaited the first night of my return to my father’s roof, when I could + read the letter which I felt of during the journey as a miser fingers the + bank-bills he carries about him. During the night I kissed the paper on + which my Henriette had manifested her will; I sought to gather the + mysterious emanations of her hand, to recover the intonations of her voice + in the hush of my being. Since then I have never read her letters except + as I read that first letter; in bed, amid total silence. I cannot + understand how the letters of our beloved can be read in any other way; + yet there are men, unworthy to be loved, who read such letters in the + turmoil of the day, laying them aside and taking them up again with odious + composure. + </p> + <p> + Here, Natalie, is the voice which echoed through the silence of that + night. Behold the noble figure which stood before me and pointed to the + right path among the cross-ways at which I stood. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + To Monsieur le Vicomte Felix de Vandenesse: + + What happiness for me, dear friend, to gather the scattered + elements of my experience that I may arm you against the dangers + of the world, through which I pray that you pass scatheless. I + have felt the highest pleasures of maternal love as night after + night I have thought of these things. While writing this letter, + sentence by sentence, projecting my thoughts into the life you are + about to lead, I went often to my window. Looking at the towers of + Frapesle, visible in the moonlight, I said to myself, “He sleeps, + I wake for him.” Delightful feelings! which recall the happiest of + my life, when I watched Jacques sleeping in his cradle and waited + till he wakened, to feed him with my milk. You are the man-child + whose soul must now be strengthened by precepts never taught in + schools, but which we women have the privilege of inculcating. + These precepts will influence your success; they prepare the way + for it, they will secure it. Am I not exercising a spiritual + motherhood in giving you a standard by which to judge the actions + of your life; a motherhood comprehended, is it not, by the child? + Dear Felix, let me, even though I may make a few mistakes, let me + give to our friendship a proof of the disinterestedness which + sanctifies it. + + In yielding you to the world I am renouncing you; but I love you + too well not to sacrifice my happiness to your welfare. For the + last four months you have made me reflect deeply on the laws and + customs which regulate our epoch. The conversations I have had + with my aunt, well-known to you who have replaced her, the events + of Monsieur de Mortsauf’s life, which he has told me, the tales + related by my father, to whom society and the court are familiar + in their greatest as well as in their smallest aspects, all these + have risen in my memory for the benefit of my adopted child at the + moment when he is about to be launched, well-nigh alone, among + men; about to act without adviser in a world where many are + wrecked by their own best qualities thoughtlessly displayed, while + others succeed through a judicious use of their worst. + + I ask you to ponder this statement of my opinion of society as a + whole; it is concise, for to you a few words are sufficient. + + I do not know whether societies are of divine origin or whether + they were invented by man. I am equally ignorant of the direction + in which they tend. What I do know certainly is the fact of their + existence. No sooner therefore do you enter society, instead of + living a life apart, than you are bound to consider its conditions + binding; a contract is signed between you. Does society in these + days gain more from a man than it returns to him? I think so; but + as to whether the individual man finds more cost than profit, or + buys too dear the advantages he obtains, concerns the legislator + only; I have nothing to say to that. In my judgment you are bound + to obey in all things the general law, without discussion, whether + it injures or benefits your personal interests. This principle may + seem to you a very simple one, but it is difficult of application; + it is like sap, which must infiltrate the smallest of the + capillary tubes to stir the tree, renew its verdure, develop its + flowers, and ripen fruit. Dear, the laws of society are not all + written in a book; manners and customs create laws, the more + important of which are often the least known. Believe me, there + are neither teachers, nor schools, nor text-books for the laws + that are now to regulate your actions, your language, your visible + life, the manner of your presentation to the world, and your quest + of fortune. Neglect those secret laws or fail to understand them, + and you stay at the foot of the social system instead of looking + down upon it. Even though this letter may seem to you diffuse, + telling you much that you have already thought, let me confide to + you a woman’s ethics. + + To explain society on the theory of individual happiness adroitly + won at the cost of the greater number is a monstrous doctrine, + which in its strict application leads men to believe that all they + can secretly lay hold of before the law or society or other + individuals condemn it as a wrong is honestly and fairly theirs. + Once admit that claim and the clever thief goes free; the woman + who violates her marriage vow without the knowledge of the world + is virtuous and happy; kill a man, leaving no proof for justice, + and if, like Macbeth, you win a crown you have done wisely; your + selfish interests become the higher law; the only question then is + how to evade, without witnesses or proof, the obstacles which law + and morality place between you and your self-indulgence. To those + who hold this view of society, the problem of making their + fortune, my dear friend, resolves itself into playing a game where + the stakes are millions or the galleys, political triumphs or + dishonor. Still, the green cloth is not long enough for all the + players, and a certain kind of genius is required to play the + game. I say nothing of religious beliefs, nor yet of feelings; + what concerns us now is the running-gear of the great machine of + gold and iron, and its practical results with which men’s lives + are occupied. Dear child of my heart, if you share my horror at + this criminal theory of the world, society will present to your + mind, as it does to all sane minds, the opposite theory of duty. + Yes, you will see that man owes himself to man in a thousand + differing ways. To my mind, the duke and peer owe far more to the + workman and the pauper than the pauper and the workman owe to the + duke. The obligations of duty enlarge in proportion to the + benefits which society bestows on men; in accordance with the + maxim, as true in social politics as in business, that the burden + of care and vigilance is everywhere in proportion to profits. Each + man pays his debt in his own way. When our poor toiler at the + Rhetoriere comes home weary with his day’s work has he not done + his duty? Assuredly he has done it better than many in the ranks + above him. + + If you take this view of society, in which you are about to seek a + place in keeping with your intellect and your faculties, you must + set before you as a generating principle and mainspring, this + maxim: never permit yourself to act against either your own + conscience or the public conscience. Though my entreaty may seem + to you superfluous, yet I entreat, yes, your Henriette implores + you to ponder the meaning of that rule. It seems simple but, dear, + it means that integrity, loyalty, honor, and courtesy are the + safest and surest instruments for your success. In this selfish + world you will find many to tell you that a man cannot make his + way by sentiments, that too much respect for moral considerations + will hinder his advance. It is not so; you will see men + ill-trained, ill-taught, incapable of measuring the future, who are + rough to a child, rude to an old woman, unwilling to be irked by + some worthy old man on the ground that they can do nothing for + him; later, you will find the same men caught by the thorns which + they might have rendered pointless, and missing their triumph for + some trivial reason; whereas the man who is early trained to a + sense of duty does not meet the same obstacles; he may attain + success less rapidly, but when attained it is solid and does not + crumble like that of others. + + When I show you that the application of this doctrine demands in + the first place a mastery of the science of manners, you may think + my jurisprudence has a flavor of the court and of the training I + received as a Lenoncourt. My dear friend, I do attach great + importance to that training, trifling as it seems. You will find + that the habits of the great world are as important to you as the + wide and varied knowledge that you possess. Often they take the + place of such knowledge; for some really ignorant men, born with + natural gifts and accustomed to give connection to their ideas, + have been known to attain a grandeur never reached by others far + more worthy of it. I have studied you thoroughly, Felix, wishing + to know if your education, derived wholly from schools, has + injured your nature. God knows the joy with which I find you fit + for that further education of which I speak. + + The manners of many who are brought up in the traditions of the + great world are purely external; true politeness, perfect manners, + come from the heart, and from a deep sense of personal dignity. + This is why some men of noble birth are, in spite of their + training, ill-mannered, while others, among the middle classes, + have instinctive good taste and only need a few lessons to give + them excellent manners without any signs of awkward imitation. + Believe a poor woman who no longer leaves her valley when she + tells you that this dignity of tone, this courteous simplicity in + words, in gesture, in bearing, and even in the character of the + home, is a living and material poem, the charm of which is + irresistible; imagine therefore what it is when it takes its + inspiration from the heart. Politeness, dear, consists in seeming + to forget ourselves for others; with many it is social cant, laid + aside when personal self-interest shows its cloven-foot; a noble + then becomes ignoble. But—and this is what I want you to + practise, Felix—true politeness involves a Christian principle; + it is the flower of Love, it requires that we forget ourselves + really. In memory of your Henriette, for her sake, be not a + fountain without water, have the essence and the form of true + courtesy. Never fear to be the dupe and victim of this social + virtue; you will some day gather the fruit of seeds scattered + apparently to the winds. + + My father used to say that one of the great offences of sham + politeness was the neglect of promises. When anything is demanded + of you that you cannot do, refuse positively and leave no + loopholes for false hopes; on the other hand, grant at once + whatever you are willing to bestow. Your prompt refusal will make + you friends as well as your prompt benefit, and your character + will stand the higher; for it is hard to say whether a promise + forgotten, a hope deceived does not make us more enemies than a + favor granted brings us friends. + + Dear friend, there are certain little matters on which I may + dwell, for I know them, and it comes within my province to impart + them. Be not too confiding, nor frivolous, nor over enthusiastic, + —three rocks on which youth often strikes. Too confiding a nature + loses respect, frivolity brings contempt, and others take + advantage of excessive enthusiasm. In the first place, Felix, you + will never have more than two or three friends in the course of + your life. Your entire confidence is their right; to give it to + many is to betray your real friends. If you are more intimate with + some men than with others keep guard over yourself; be as cautious + as though you knew they would one day be your rivals, or your + enemies; the chances and changes of life require this. Maintain an + attitude which is neither cold nor hot; find the medium point at + which a man can safely hold intercourse with others without + compromising himself. Yes, believe me, the honest man is as far + from the base cowardice of Philinte as he is from the harsh virtue + of Alceste. The genius of the poet is displayed in the mind of + this true medium; certainly all minds do enjoy more the ridicule + of virtue than the sovereign contempt of easy-going selfishness + which underlies that picture of it; but all, nevertheless, are + prompted to keep themselves from either extreme. + + As to frivolity, if it causes fools to proclaim you a charming + man, others who are accustomed to judge of men’s capacities and + fathom character, will winnow out your tare and bring you to + disrepute, for frivolity is the resource of weak natures, and + weakness is soon appraised in a society which regards its members + as nothing more than organs—and perhaps justly, for nature + herself puts to death imperfect beings. A woman’s protecting + instincts may be roused by the pleasure she feels in supporting + the weak against the strong, and in leading the intelligence of + the heart to victory over the brutality of matter; but society, + less a mother than a stepmother, adores only the children who + flatter her vanity. + + As to ardent enthusiasm, that first sublime mistake of youth, + which finds true happiness in using its powers, and begins by + being its own dupe before it is the dupe of others, keep it within + the region of the heart’s communion, keep it for woman and for + God. Do not hawk its treasures in the bazaars of society or of + politics, where trumpery will be offered in exchange for them. + Believe the voice which commands you to be noble in all things + when it also prays you not to expend your forces uselessly. + Unhappily, men will rate you according to your usefulness, and not + according to your worth. To use an image which I think will strike + your poetic mind, let a cipher be what it may, immeasurable in + size, written in gold, or written in pencil, it is only a cipher + after all. A man of our times has said, “No zeal, above all, no + zeal!” The lesson may be sad, but it is true, and it saves the + soul from wasting its bloom. Hide your pure sentiments, or put + them in regions inaccessible, where their blossoms may be + passionately admired, where the artist may dream amorously of his + master-piece. But duties, my friend, are not sentiments. To do + what we ought is by no means to do what we like. A man who would + give his life enthusiastically for a woman must be ready to die + coldly for his country. + + One of the most important rules in the science of manners is that + of almost absolute silence about ourselves. Play a little comedy + for your own instruction; talk of yourself to acquaintances, tell + them about your sufferings, your pleasures, your business, and you + will see how indifference succeeds pretended interest; then + annoyance follows, and if the mistress of the house does not find + some civil way of stopping you the company will disappear under + various pretexts adroitly seized. Would you, on the other hand, + gather sympathies about you and be spoken of as amiable and witty, + and a true friend? talk to others of themselves, find a way to + bring them forward, and brows will clear, lips will smile, and + after you leave the room all present will praise you. Your + conscience and the voice of your own heart will show you the line + where the cowardice of flattery begins and the courtesy of + intercourse ceases. + + One word more about a young man’s demeanor in public. My dear + friend, youth is always inclined to a rapidity of judgment which + does it honor, but also injury. This was why the old system of + education obliged young people to keep silence and study life in a + probationary period beside their elders. Formerly, as you know, + nobility, like art, had its apprentices, its pages, devoted body + and soul to the masters who maintained them. To-day youth is + forced in a hot-house; it is trained to judge of thoughts, + actions, and writings with biting severity; it slashes with a + blade that has not been fleshed. Do not make this mistake. Such + judgments will seem like censures to many about you, who would + sooner pardon an open rebuke than a secret wound. Young people are + pitiless because they know nothing of life and its difficulties. + The old critic is kind and considerate, the young critic is + implacable; the one knows nothing, the other knows all. Moreover, + at the bottom of all human actions there is a labyrinth of + determining reasons on which God reserves for himself the final + judgment. Be severe therefore to none but yourself. + + Your future is before you; but no one in the world can make his + way unaided. Therefore, make use of my father’s house; its doors + are open to you; the connections that you will create for yourself + under his roof will serve you in a hundred ways. But do not yield + an inch of ground to my mother; she will crush any one who gives + up to her, but she will admire the courage of whoever resists her. + She is like iron, which if beaten, can be fused with iron, but + when cold will break everything less hard than itself. Cultivate + my mother; for if she thinks well of you she will introduce you + into certain houses where you can acquire the fatal science of the + world, the art of listening, speaking, answering, presenting + yourself to the company and taking leave of it; the precise use of + language, the something—how shall I explain it?—which is no more + superiority than the coat is the man, but without which the + highest talent in the world will never be admitted within those + portals. + + I know you well enough to be quite sure I indulge no illusion when + I imagine that I see you as I wish you to be; simple in manners, + gentle in tone, proud without conceit, respectful to the old, + courteous without servility, above all, discreet. Use your wit but + never display it for the amusement of others; for be sure that if + your brilliancy annoys an inferior man, he will retire from the + field and say of you in a tone of contempt, “He is very amusing.” + Let your superiority be leonine. Moreover, do not be always + seeking to please others. I advise a certain coldness in your + relations with men, which may even amount to indifference; this + will not anger others, for all persons esteem those who slight + them; and it will win you the favor of women, who will respect you + for the little consequence that you attach to men. Never remain in + company with those who have lost their reputation, even though + they may not have deserved to do so; for society holds us + responsible for our friendships as well as for our enmities. In + this matter let your judgments be slowly and maturely weighed, but + see that they are irrevocable. When the men whom you have repulsed + justify the repulsion, your esteem and regard will be all the more + sought after; you have inspired the tacit respect which raises a + man among his peers. I behold you now armed with a youth that + pleases, grace which attracts, and wisdom with which to preserve + your conquests. All that I have now told you can be summed up in + two words, two old-fashioned words, “Noblesse oblige.” + + Now apply these precepts to the management of life. You will hear + many persons say that strategy is the chief element of success; + that the best way to press through the crowd is to set some men + against other men and so take their places. That was a good system + for the Middle Ages, when princes had to destroy their rivals by + pitting one against the other; but in these days, all things being + done in open day, I am afraid it would do you ill-service. No, you + must meet your competitors face to face, be they loyal and true + men, or traitorous enemies whose weapons are calumny, + evil-speaking, and fraud. But remember this, you have no more + powerful auxiliaries than these men themselves; they are their own + enemies; fight them with honest weapons, and sooner or later they + are condemned. As to the first of them, loyal men and true, your + straightforwardness will obtain their respect, and the differences + between you once settled (for all things can be settled), these + men will serve you. Do not be afraid of making enemies; woe to him + who has none in the world you are about to enter; but try to give + no handle for ridicule or disparagement. I say <i>try</i>, for in Paris a + man cannot always belong solely to himself; he is sometimes at the + mercy of circumstances; you will not always be able to avoid the + mud in the gutter nor the tile that falls from the roof. The moral + world has gutters where persons of no reputation endeavor to + splash the mud in which they live upon men of honor. But you can + always compel respect by showing that you are, under all + circumstances, immovable in your principles. In the conflict of + opinions, in the midst of quarrels and cross-purposes, go straight + to the point, keep resolutely to the question; never fight except + for the essential thing, and put your whole strength into that. + You know how Monsieur de Mortsauf hates Napoleon, how he curses + him and pursues him as justice does a criminal; demanding + punishment day and night for the death of the Duc d’Enghien, the + only death, the only misfortune, that ever brought the tears to + his eyes; well, he nevertheless admired him as the greatest of + captains, and has often explained to me his strategy. May not the + same tactics be applied to the war of human interests; they would + economize time as heretofore they economized men and space. Think + this over, for as a woman I am liable to be mistaken on such + points which my sex judges only by instinct and sentiment. One + point, however, I may insist on; all trickery, all deception, is + certain to be discovered and to result in doing harm; whereas + every situation presents less danger if a man plants himself + firmly on his own truthfulness. If I may cite my own case, I can + tell you that, obliged as I am by Monsieur de Mortsauf’s condition + to avoid litigation and to bring to an immediate settlement all + difficulties which arise in the management of Clochegourde, and + which would otherwise cause him an excitement under which his mind + would succumb, I have invariably settled matters promptly by + taking hold of the knot of the difficulty and saying to our + opponents: “We will either untie it or cut it!” + + It will often happen that you do a service to others and find + yourself ill-rewarded; I beg you not to imitate those who complain + of men and declare them to be all ungrateful. That is putting + themselves on a pedestal indeed! and surely it is somewhat silly + to admit their lack of knowledge of the world. But you, I trust, + will not do good as a usurer lends his money; you will do it—will + you not?—for good’s sake. Noblesse oblige. Nevertheless, do not + bestow such services as to force others to ingratitude, for if you + do, they will become your most implacable enemies; obligations + sometimes lead to despair, like the despair of ruin itself, which + is capable of very desperate efforts. As for yourself, accept as + little as you can from others. Be no man’s vassal; and bring + yourself out of your own difficulties. + + You see, dear friend, I am advising you only on the lesser points + of life. In the world of politics things wear a different aspect; + the rules which are to guide your individual steps give way before + the national interests. If you reach that sphere where great men + revolve you will be, like God himself, the sole arbiter of your + determinations. You will no longer be a man, but law, the living + law; no longer an individual, you are then the Nation incarnate. + But remember this, though you judge, you will yourself be judged; + hereafter you will be summoned before the ages, and you know + history well enough to be fully informed as to what deeds and what + sentiments have led to true grandeur. + + I now come to a serious matter, your conduct towards women. + Wherever you visit make it a principle not to fritter yourself + away in a petty round of gallantry. A man of the last century who + had great social success never paid attention to more than one + woman of an evening, choosing the one who seemed the most + neglected. That man, my dear child, controlled his epoch. He + wisely reckoned that by a given time all women would speak well of + him. Many young men waste their most precious possession, namely, + the time necessary to create connections which contribute more + than all else to social success. Your springtime is short, + endeavor to make the most of it. Cultivate influential women. + Influential women are old women; they will teach you the + intermarriages and the secrets of all the families of the great + world; they will show you the cross-roads which will bring you + soonest to your goal. They will be fond of you. The bestowal of + protection is their last form of love—when they are not devout. + They will do you innumerable good services; sing your praises and + make you desirable to society. Avoid young women. Do not think I + say this from personal self-interest. The woman of fifty will do + all for you, the woman of twenty will do nothing; she wants your + whole life while the other asks only a few attentions. Laugh with + the young women, meet them for pastime merely; they are incapable + of serious thought. Young women, dear friend, are selfish, vain, + petty, ignorant of true friendship; they love no one but + themselves; they would sacrifice you to an evening’s success. + Besides, they all want absolute devotion, and your present + situation requires that devotion be shown to you; two + irreconcilable needs! None of these young women would enter into + your interests; they would think of themselves and not of you; + they would injure you more by their emptiness and frivolity than + they could serve you by their love; they will waste your time + unscrupulously, hinder your advance to fortune, and end by + destroying your future with the best grace possible. If you + complain, the silliest of them will make you think that her glove + is more precious than fortune, and that nothing is so glorious as + to be her slave. They will all tell you that they bestow + happiness, and thus lull you to forget your nobler destiny. + Believe me, the happiness they give is transitory; your great + career will endure. You know not with what perfidious cleverness + they contrive to satisfy their caprices, nor the art with which + they will convert your passing fancy into a love which ought to be + eternal. The day when they abandon you they will tell you that the + words, “I no longer love you,” are a full justification of their + conduct, just as the words, “I love,” justified their winning you; + they will declare that love is involuntary and not to be coerced. + Absurd! Believe me, dear, true love is eternal, infinite, always + like unto itself; it is equable, pure, without violent + demonstration; white hair often covers the head but the heart that + holds it is ever young. No such love is found among the women of + the world; all are playing comedy; this one will interest you by + her misfortunes; she seems the gentlest and least exacting of her + sex, but when once she is necessary to you, you will feel the + tyranny of weakness and will do her will; you may wish to be a + diplomat, to go and come, and study men and interests,—no, you + must stay in Paris, or at her country-place, sewn to her + petticoat, and the more devotion you show the more ungrateful and + exacting she will be. Another will attract you by her + submissiveness; she will be your attendant, follow you + romantically about, compromise herself to keep you, and be the + millstone about your neck. You will drown yourself some day, but + the woman will come to the surface. + + The least manoeuvring of these women of the world have many nets. + The silliest triumph because too foolish to excite distrust. The + one to be feared least may be the woman of gallantry whom you love + without exactly knowing why; she will leave you for no motive and + go back to you out of vanity. All these women will injure you, + either in the present or the future. Every young woman who enters + society and lives a life of pleasure and of gratified vanity is + semi-corrupt and will corrupt you. Among them you will not find + the chaste and tranquil being in whom you may forever reign. Ah! + she who loves you will love solitude; the festivals of her heart + will be your glances; she will live upon your words. May she be + all the world to you, for you will be all in all to her. Love her + well; give her neither griefs nor rivals; do not rouse her + jealousy. To be loved, dear, to be comprehended, is the greatest + of all joys; I pray that you may taste it! But run no risk of + injuring the flower of your soul; be sure, be very sure of the + heart in which you place your affections. That woman will never be + her own self; she will never think of herself, but of you. She + will never oppose you, she will have no interests of her own; for + you she will see a danger where you can see none and where she + would be oblivious of her own. If she suffers it will be in + silence; she will have no personal vanity, but deep reverence for + whatever in her has won your love. Respond to such a love by + surpassing it. If you are fortunate enough to find that which I, + your poor friend, must ever be without, I mean a love mutually + inspired, mutually felt, remember that in a valley lives a mother + whose heart is so filled with the feelings you have put there that + you can never sound its depths. Yes, I bear you an affection which + you will never know to its full extent; before it could show + itself for what it is you would have to lose your mind and + intellect, and then you would be unable to comprehend the length + and breadth of my devotion. + + Shall I be misunderstood in bidding you avoid young women (all + more or less artful, satirical, vain, frivolous, and extravagant) + and attach yourself to influential women, to those imposing + dowagers full of excellent good-sense, like my aunt, who will help + your career, defend you from attacks, and say for you the things + that you cannot say for yourself? Am I not, on the contrary, + generous in bidding you reserve your love for the coming angel + with the guileless heart? If the motto Noblesse oblige sums up the + advice I gave you just now, my further advice on your relations to + women is based upon that other motto of chivalry, “Serve all, love + one!” + + Your educational knowledge is immense; your heart, saved by early + suffering, is without a stain; all is noble, all is well with you. + Now, Felix, WILL! Your future lies in that one word, that word of + great men. My child, you will obey your Henriette, will you not? + You will permit her to tell you from time to time the thoughts + that are in her mind of you and of your relations to the world? I + have an eye in my soul which sees the future for you as for my + children; suffer me to use that faculty for your benefit; it is a + faculty, a mysterious gift bestowed by my lonely life; far from + its growing weaker, I find it strengthened and exalted by solitude + and silence. + + I ask you in return to bestow a happiness on me; I desire to see + you becoming more and more important among men, without one single + success that shall bring a line of shame upon my brow; I desire + that you may quickly bring your fortunes to the level of your + noble name, and be able to tell me I have contributed to your + advancement by something better than a wish. This secret + co-operation in your future is the only pleasure I can allow + myself. For it, I will wait and hope. + + I do not say farewell. We are separated; you cannot put my hand to + your lips, but you must surely know the place you hold in the + heart of your +</pre> + <p> + Henriette. + </p> + <p> + As I read this letter I felt the maternal heart beating beneath my fingers + which held the paper while I was still cold from the harsh greeting of my + own mother. I understood why the countess had forbidden me to open it in + Touraine; no doubt she feared that I would fall at her feet and wet them + with my tears. + </p> + <p> + I now made the acquaintance of my brother Charles, who up to this time had + been a stranger to me. But in all our intercourse he showed a haughtiness + which kept us apart and prevented brotherly affection. Kindly feelings + depend on similarity of soul, and there was no point of touch between us. + He preached to me dogmatically those social trifles which head or heart + can see without instruction; he seemed to mistrust me. If I had not had + the inward support of my great love he would have made me awkward and + stupid by affecting to believe that I knew nothing of life. He presented + me in society under the expectation that my dulness would be a foil to his + qualities. Had I not remembered the sorrows of my childhood I might have + taken his protecting vanity for brotherly affection; but inward solitude + produces the same effects as outward solitude; silence within our souls + enables us to hear the faintest sound; the habit of taking refuge within + ourselves develops a perception which discerns every quality of the + affections about us. Before I knew Madame de Mortsauf a hard look grieved + me, a rough word wounded me to the heart; I bewailed these things without + as yet knowing anything of a life of tenderness; whereas now, since my + return from Clochegourde, I could make comparisons which perfected my + instinctive perceptions. All deductions derived only from sufferings + endured are incomplete. Happiness has a light to cast. I now allowed + myself the more willingly to be kept under the heel of primogeniture + because I was not my brother’s dupe. + </p> + <p> + I always went alone to the Duchesse de Lenoncourt’s, where Henriette’s + name was never mentioned; no one, except the good old duke, who was + simplicity itself, ever spoke of her to me; but by the way he welcomed me + I guessed that his daughter had privately commended me to his care. At the + moment when I was beginning to overcome the foolish wonder and shyness + which besets a young man at his first entrance into the great world, and + to realize the pleasures it could give through the resources it offers to + ambition, just, too, as I was beginning to make use of Henriette’s maxims, + admiring their wisdom, the events of the 20th of March took place. + </p> + <p> + My brother followed the court to Ghent; I, by Henriette’s advice (for I + kept up a correspondence with her, active on my side only), went there + also with the Duc de Lenoncourt. The natural kindness of the old duke + turned to a hearty and sincere protection as soon as he saw me attached, + body and soul, to the Bourbons. He himself presented me to his Majesty. + Courtiers are not numerous when misfortunes are rife; but youth is gifted + with ingenuous admiration and uncalculating fidelity. The king had the + faculty of judging men; a devotion which might have passed unobserved in + Paris counted for much at Ghent, and I had the happiness of pleasing Louis + XVIII. + </p> + <p> + A letter from Madame de Mortsauf to her father, brought with despatches by + an emissary of the Vendeens, enclosed a note to me by which I learned that + Jacques was ill. Monsieur de Mortsauf, in despair at his son’s ill-health, + and also at the news of a second emigration, added a few words which + enabled me to guess the situation of my dear one. Worried by him, no + doubt, when she passed all her time at Jacques’ bedside, allowed no rest + either day or night, superior to annoyance, yet unable always to control + herself when her whole soul was given to the care of her child, Henriette + needed the support of a friendship which might lighten the burden of her + life, were it only by diverting her husband’s mind. Though I was now most + impatient to rival the career of my brother, who had lately been sent to + the Congress of Vienna, and was anxious at any risk to justify Henriette’s + appeal and become a man myself, freed from all vassalage, nevertheless my + ambition, my desire for independence, the great interest I had in not + leaving the king, all were of no account before the vision of Madame de + Mortsauf’s sad face. I resolved to leave the court at Ghent and serve my + true sovereign. God rewarded me. The emissary sent by the Vendeens was + unable to return. The king wanted a messenger who would faithfully carry + back his instructions. The Duc de Lenoncourt knew that the king would + never forget the man who undertook so perilous an enterprise; he asked for + the mission without consulting me, and I gladly accepted it, happy indeed + to be able to return to Clochegourde employed in the good cause. + </p> + <p> + After an audience with the king I returned to France, where, both in Paris + and in Vendee, I was fortunate enough to carry out his Majesty’s + instructions. Towards the end of May, being tracked by the Bonapartist + authorities to whom I was denounced, I was obliged to fly from place to + place in the character of a man endeavoring to get back to his estate. I + went on foot from park to park, from wood to wood, across the whole of + upper Vendee, the Bocage and Poitou, changing my direction as danger + threatened. + </p> + <p> + I reached Saumur, from Saumur I went to Chinon, and from Chinon I reached, + in a single night, the woods of Nueil, where I met the count on horseback; + he took me up behind him and we reached Clochegourde without passing any + one who recognized me. + </p> + <p> + “Jacques is better,” were the first words he said to me. + </p> + <p> + I explained to him my position of diplomatic postman, hunted like a wild + beast, and the brave gentleman in his quality of royalist claimed the + danger over Chessel of receiving me. As we came in sight of Clochegourde + the past eight months rolled away like a dream. When we entered the salon + the count said: “Guess whom I bring you?—Felix!” + </p> + <p> + “Is it possible!” she said, with pendant arms and a bewildered face. + </p> + <p> + I showed myself and we both remained motionless; she in her armchair, I on + the threshold of the door; looking at each other with that hunger of the + soul which endeavors to make up in a single glance for the lost months. + Then, recovering from a surprise which left her heart unveiled, she rose + and I went up to her. + </p> + <p> + “I have prayed for your safety,” she said, giving me her hand to kiss. + </p> + <p> + She asked news of her father; then she guessed my weariness and went to + prepare my room, while the count gave me something to eat, for I was dying + of hunger. My room was the one above hers, her aunt’s room; she requested + the count to take me there, after setting her foot on the first step of + the staircase, deliberating no doubt whether to accompany me; I turned my + head, she blushed, bade me sleep well, and went away. When I came down to + dinner I heard for the first time of the disasters at Waterloo, the flight + of Napoleon, the march of the Allies to Paris, and the probable return of + the Bourbons. These events were all in all to the count; to us they were + nothing. What think you was the great event I was to learn, after kissing + the children?—for I will not dwell on the alarm I felt at seeing the + countess pale and shrunken; I knew the injury I might do by showing it and + was careful to express only joy at seeing her. But the great event for us + was told in the words, “You shall have ice to-day!” She had often fretted + the year before that the water was not cold enough for me, who, never + drinking anything else, liked it iced. God knows how many entreaties it + had cost her to get an ice-house built. You know better than any one that + a word, a look, an inflection of the voice, a trifling attention, suffices + for love; love’s noblest privilege is to prove itself by love. Well, her + words, her look, her pleasure, showed me her feelings, as I had formerly + shown her mine by that first game of backgammon. These ingenuous proofs of + her affection were many; on the seventh day after my arrival she recovered + her freshness, she sparkled with health and youth and happiness; my lily + expanded in beauty just as the treasures of my heart increased. Only in + petty minds or in common hearts can absence lessen love or efface the + features or diminish the beauty of our dear one. To ardent imaginations, + to all beings through whose veins enthusiasm passes like a crimson tide, + and in whom passion takes the form of constancy, absence has the same + effect as the sufferings of the early Christians, which strengthened their + faith and made God visible to them. In hearts that abound in love are + there not incessant longings for a desired object, to which the glowing + fire of our dreams gives higher value and a deeper tint? Are we not + conscious of instigations which give to the beloved features the beauty of + the ideal by inspiring them with thought? The past, dwelt on in all its + details becomes magnified; the future teems with hope. When two hearts + filled with these electric clouds meet each other, their interview is like + the welcome storm which revives the earth and stimulates it with the swift + lightnings of the thunderbolt. How many tender pleasures came to me when I + found these thoughts and these sensations reciprocal! With what glad eyes + I followed the development of happiness in Henriette! A woman who renews + her life from that of her beloved gives, perhaps, a greater proof of + feeling than she who dies killed by a doubt, withered on her stock for + want of sap; I know not which of the two is the more touching. + </p> + <p> + The revival of Madame de Mortsauf was wholly natural, like the effects of + the month of May upon the meadows, or those of the sun and of the brook + upon the drooping flowers. Henriette, like our dear valley of love, had + had her winter; she revived like the valley in the springtime. Before + dinner we went down to the beloved terrace. There, with one hand stroking + the head of her son, who walked feebly beside her, silent, as though he + were breeding an illness, she told me of her nights beside his pillow. + </p> + <p> + For three months, she said, she had lived wholly within herself, + inhabiting, as it were, a dark palace; afraid to enter sumptuous rooms + where the light shone, where festivals were given, to her denied, at the + door of which she stood, one glance turned upon her child, another to a + dim and distant figure; one ear listening for moans, another for a voice. + She told me poems, born of solitude, such as no poet ever sang; but all + ingenuously, without one vestige of love, one trace of voluptuous thought, + one echo of a poesy orientally soothing as the rose of Frangistan. When + the count joined us she continued in the same tone, like a woman secure + within herself, able to look proudly at her husband and kiss the forehead + of her son without a blush. She had prayed much; she had clasped her hands + for nights together over her child, refusing to let him die. + </p> + <p> + “I went,” she said, “to the gate of the sanctuary and asked his life of + God.” + </p> + <p> + She had had visions, and she told them to me; but when she said, in that + angelic voice of hers, these exquisite words, “While I slept my heart + watched,” the count harshly interrupted her. + </p> + <p> + “That is to say, you were half crazy,” he cried. + </p> + <p> + She was silent, as deeply hurt as though it were a first wound; forgetting + that for thirteen years this man had lost no chance to shoot his arrows + into her heart. Like a soaring bird struck on the wing by vulgar shot, she + sank into a dull depression; then she roused herself. + </p> + <p> + “How is it, monsieur,” she said, “that no word of mine ever finds favor in + your sight? Have you no indulgence for my weakness,—no comprehension + of me as a woman?” + </p> + <p> + She stopped short. Already she regretted the murmur, and measured the + future by the past; how could she expect comprehension? Had she not drawn + upon herself some virulent attack? The blue veins of her temples throbbed; + she shed no tears, but the color of her eyes faded. Then she looked down, + that she might not see her pain reflected on my face, her feelings + guessed, her soul wooed by my soul; above all, not see the sympathy of + young love, ready like a faithful dog to spring at the throat of whoever + threatened his mistress, without regard to the assailant’s strength or + quality. At such cruel moments the count’s air of superiority was supreme. + He thought he had triumphed over his wife, and he pursued her with a hail + of phrases which repeated the one idea, and were like the blows of an axe + which fell with unvarying sound. + </p> + <p> + “Always the same?” I said, when the count left us to follow the huntsman + who came to speak to him. + </p> + <p> + “Always,” answered Jacques. + </p> + <p> + “Always excellent, my son,” she said, endeavoring to withdraw Monsieur de + Mortsauf from the judgment of his children. “You see only the present, you + know nothing of the past; therefore you cannot criticise your father + without doing him injustice. But even if you had the pain of seeing that + your father was to blame, family honor requires you to bury such secrets + in silence.” + </p> + <p> + “How have the changes at the Cassine and the Rhetoriere answered?” I + asked, to divert her mind from bitter thoughts. + </p> + <p> + “Beyond my expectations,” she replied. “As soon as the buildings were + finished we found two excellent farmers ready to hire them; one at four + thousand five hundred francs, taxes paid; the other at five thousand; both + leases for fifteen years. We have already planted three thousand young + trees on the new farms. Manette’s cousin is delighted to get the Rabelaye; + Martineau has taken the Baude. All <i>our</i> efforts have been crowned + with success. Clochegourde, without the reserved land which we call the + home-farm, and without the timber and vineyards, brings in nineteen + thousand francs a year, and the plantations are becoming valuable. I am + battling to let the home-farm to Martineau, the keeper, whose eldest son + can now take his place. He offers three thousand francs if Monsieur de + Mortsauf will build him a farm-house at the Commanderie. We might then + clear the approach to Clochegourde, finish the proposed avenue to the main + road, and have only the woodland and the vineyards to take care of + ourselves. If the king returns, <i>our</i> pension will be restored; WE + shall consent after clashing a little with <i>our</i> wife’s common-sense. + Jacques’ fortune will then be permanently secured. That result obtained, I + shall leave monsieur to lay by as much as he likes for Madeleine, though + the king will of course dower her, according to custom. My conscience is + easy; I have all but accomplished my task. And you?” she said. + </p> + <p> + I explained to her the mission on which the king had sent me, and showed + her how her wise counsel had borne fruit. Was she endowed with second + sight thus to foretell events? + </p> + <p> + “Did I not write it to you?” she answered. “For you and for my children + alone I possess a remarkable faculty, of which I have spoken only to my + confessor, Monsieur de la Berge; he explains it by divine intervention. + Often, after deep meditation induced by fears about the health of my + children, my eyes close to the things of earth and see into another + region; if Jacques and Madeleine there appear to me as two luminous + figures they are sure to have good health for a certain period of time; if + wrapped in mist they are equally sure to fall ill soon after. As for you, + I not only see you brilliantly illuminated, but I hear a voice which + explains to me without words, by some mental communication, what you ought + to do. Does any law forbid me to use this wonderful gift for my children + and for you?” she asked, falling into a reverie. Then, after a pause, she + added, “Perhaps God wills to take the place of their father.” + </p> + <p> + “Let me believe that my obedience is due to none but you,” I cried. + </p> + <p> + She gave me one of her exquisitely gracious smiles, which so exalted my + heart that I should not have felt a death-blow if given at that moment. + </p> + <p> + “As soon as the king returns to Paris, go there; leave Clochegourde,” she + said. “It may be degrading to beg for places and favors, but it would be + ridiculous to be out of the way of receiving them. Great changes will soon + take place. The king needs capable and trustworthy men; don’t fail him. It + is well for you to enter young into the affairs of the nation and learn + your way; for statesmen, like actors, have a routine business to acquire, + which genius does not reveal, it must be learnt. My father heard the Duc + de Choiseul say this. Think of me,” she said, after a pause; “let me enjoy + the pleasures of superiority in a soul that is all my own; for are you not + my son?” + </p> + <p> + “Your son?” I said, sullenly. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, my son!” she cried, mocking me; “is not that a good place in my + heart?” + </p> + <p> + The bell rang for dinner; she took my arm and leaned contentedly upon it. + </p> + <p> + “You have grown,” she said, as we went up the steps. When we reached the + portico she shook my arm a little, as if my looks were importunate; for + though her eyes were lowered she knew that I saw only her. Then she said, + with a charming air of pretended impatience, full of grace and coquetry, + “Come, why don’t you look at our dear valley?” + </p> + <p> + She turned, held her white silk sun-shade over our heads and drew Jacques + closely to her side. The motion of her head as she looked towards the + Indre, the punt, the meadows, showed me that in my absence she had come to + many an understanding with those misty horizons and their vaporous + outline. Nature was a mantle which sheltered her thoughts. She now knew + what the nightingale was sighing the livelong night, what the songster of + the sedges hymned with his plaintive note. + </p> + <p> + At eight o’clock that evening I was witness of a scene which touched me + deeply, and which I had never yet witnessed, for in my former visits I had + played backgammon with the count while his wife took the children into the + dining-room before their bedtime. The bell rang twice, and all the + servants of the household entered the room. + </p> + <p> + “You are now our guest and must submit to convent rule,” said the + countess, leading me by the hand with that air of innocent gaiety which + distinguishes women who are naturally pious. + </p> + <p> + The count followed. Masters, children, and servants knelt down, all taking + their regular places. It was Madeleine’s turn to read the prayers. The + dear child said them in her childish voice, the ingenuous tones of which + rose clear in the harmonious silence of the country, and gave to the words + the candor of holy innocence, the grace of angels. It was the most + affecting prayer I ever heard. Nature replied to the child’s voice with + the myriad murmurs of the coming night, like the low accompaniment of an + organ lightly touched, Madeleine was on the right of the countess, Jacques + on her left. The graceful curly heads, between which rose the smooth + braids of the mother, and above all three the perfectly white hair and + yellow cranium of the father, made a picture which repeated, in some sort, + the ideas aroused by the melody of the prayer. As if to fulfil all + conditions of the unity which marks the sublime, this calm and collected + group were bathed in the fading light of the setting sun; its red tints + coloring the room, impelling the soul—be it poetic or superstitious—to + believe that the fires of heaven were visiting these faithful servants of + God as they knelt there without distinction of rank, in the equality which + heaven demands. Thinking back to the days of the patriarchs my mind still + further magnified this scene, so grand in its simplicity. + </p> + <p> + The children said good-night, the servants bowed, the countess went away + holding a child by each hand, and I returned to the salon with the count. + </p> + <p> + “We provide you with salvation there, and hell here,” he said, pointing to + the backgammon-board. + </p> + <p> + The countess returned in half an hour, and brought her frame near the + table. + </p> + <p> + “This is for you,” she said, unrolling the canvas; “but for the last three + months it has languished. Between that rose and this heartsease my poor + child was ill.” + </p> + <p> + “Come, come,” said Monsieur de Mortsauf, “don’t talk of that any more. Six—five, + emissary of the king!” + </p> + <p> + When alone in my room I hushed my breathing that I might hear her passing + to and fro in hers. She was calm and pure, but I was lashed with maddening + ideas. “Why should she not be mine?” I thought; “perhaps she is, like me, + in this whirlwind of agitation.” At one o’clock, I went down, walking + noiselessly, and lay before her door. With my ear pressed to a chink I + could hear her equable, gentle breathing, like that of a child. When + chilled to the bone I went back to bed and slept tranquilly till morning. + I know not what prenatal influence, what nature within me, causes the + delight I take in going to the brink of precipices, sounding the gulf of + evil, seeking to know its depths, feeling its icy chill, and retreating in + deep emotion. That hour of night passed on the threshold of her door where + I wept with rage,—though she never knew that on the morrow her foot + had trod upon my tears and kisses, on her virtue first destroyed and then + respected, cursed and adored,—that hour, foolish in the eyes of + many, was nevertheless an inspiration of the same mysterious impulse which + impels the soldier. Many have told me they have played their lives upon + it, flinging themselves before a battery to know if they could escape the + shot, happy in thus galloping into the abyss of probabilities, and smoking + like Jean Bart upon the gunpowder. + </p> + <p> + The next day I went to gather flowers and made two bouquets. The count + admired them, though generally nothing of the kind appealed to him. The + clever saying of Champcenetz, “He builds dungeons in Spain,” seemed to + have been made for him. + </p> + <p> + I spent several days at Clochegourde, going but seldom to Frapesle, where, + however, I dined three times. The French army now occupied Tours. Though + my presence was health and strength to Madame de Mortsauf, she implored me + to make my way to Chateauroux, and so round by Issoudun and Orleans to + Paris with what haste I could. I tried to resist; but she commanded me, + saying that my guardian angel spoke. I obeyed. Our farewell was, this + time, dim with tears; she feared the allurements of the life I was about + to live. Is it not a serious thing to enter the maelstrom of interests, + passions, and pleasures which make Paris a dangerous ocean for chaste love + and purity of conscience? I promised to write to her every night, relating + the events and thoughts of the day, even the most trivial. When I gave the + promise she laid her head on my shoulder and said: “Leave nothing out; + everything will interest me.” + </p> + <p> + She gave me letters for the duke and duchess, which I delivered the second + day after my return. + </p> + <p> + “You are in luck,” said the duke; “dine here to-day, and go with me this + evening to the Chateau; your fortune is made. The king spoke of you this + morning, and said, ‘He is young, capable, and trustworthy.’ His Majesty + added that he wished he knew whether you were living or dead, and in what + part of France events had thrown you after you had executed your mission + so ably.” + </p> + <p> + That night I was appointed master of petitions to the council of State, + and I also received a private and permanent place in the employment of + Louis XVIII. himself,—a confidential position, not highly + distinguished, but without any risks, a position which put me at the very + heart of the government and has been the source of all my subsequent + prosperity. Madame de Mortsauf had judged rightly. I now owed everything + to her; power and wealth, happiness and knowledge; she guided and + encouraged me, purified my heart, and gave to my will that unity of + purpose without which the powers of youth are wasted. Later I had a + colleague; we each served six months. We were allowed to supply each + other’s place if necessary; we had rooms at the Chateau, a carriage, and + large allowances for travelling when absent on missions. Strange position! + We were the secret disciples of a monarch in a policy to which even his + enemies have since done signal justice; alone with us he gave judgment on + all things, foreign and domestic, yet we had no legitimate influence; + often we were consulted like Laforet by Moliere, and made to feel that the + hesitations of long experience were confirmed or removed by the vigorous + perceptions of youth. + </p> + <p> + In other respects my future was secured in a manner to satisfy ambition. + Beside my salary as master of petitions, paid by the budget of the council + of State, the king gave me a thousand francs a month from his privy purse, + and often himself added more to it. Though the king knew well that no + young man of twenty-three could long bear up under the labors with which + he loaded me, my colleague, now a peer of France, was not appointed till + August, 1817. The choice was a difficult one; our functions demanded so + many capabilities that the king was long in coming to a decision. He did + me the honor to ask which of the young men among whom he was hesitating I + should like for an associate. Among them was one who had been my + school-fellow at Lepitre’s; I did not select him. His Majesty asked why. + </p> + <p> + “The king,” I replied, “chooses men who are equally faithful, but whose + capabilities differ. I choose the one whom I think the most able, certain + that I shall always be able to get on with him.” + </p> + <p> + My judgment coincided with that of the king, who was pleased with the + sacrifice I had made. He said on this occasion, “You are to be the chief”; + and he related these circumstances to my colleague, who became, in return + for the service I had done him, my good friend. The consideration shown to + me by the Duc de Lenoncourt set the tone of that which I met with in + society. To have it said, “The king takes an interest in the young man; + that young man has a future, the king likes him,” would have served me in + place of talents; and it now gave to the kindly welcome accorded to youth + a certain respect that is only given to power. In the salon of the + Duchesse de Lenoncourt and also at the house of my sister who had just + married the Marquis de Listomere, son of the old lady in the Ile St. + Louis, I gradually came to know the influential personages of the Faubourg + St. Germain. + </p> + <p> + Henriette herself put me at the heart of the circle then called “le Petit + Chateau” by the help of her great-aunt, the Princesse de Blamont-Chauvry, + to whom she wrote so warmly in my behalf that the princess immediately + sent for me. I cultivated her and contrived to please her, and she became, + not my protectress but a friend, in whose kindness there was something + maternal. The old lady took pains to make me intimate with her daughter + Madame d’Espard, with the Duchesse de Langeais, the Vicomtesse de + Beauseant, and the Duchesse de Maufrigneuse, women who held the sceptre of + fashion, and who were all the more gracious to me because I made no + pretensions and was always ready to be useful and agreeable to them. My + brother Charles, far from avoiding me, now began to lean upon me; but my + rapid success roused a secret jealousy in his mind which in after years + caused me great vexation. My father and mother, surprised by a triumph so + unexpected, felt their vanity flattered, and received me at last as a son. + But their feeling was too artificial, I might say false, to let their + present treatment have much influence upon a sore heart. Affectations + stained with selfishness win little sympathy; the heart abhors + calculations and profits of all kinds. + </p> + <p> + I wrote regularly to Henriette, who answered by two letters a month. Her + spirit hovered over me, her thoughts traversed space and made the + atmosphere around me pure. No woman could captivate me. The king noticed + my reserve, and as, in this respect, he belonged to the school of Louis + XV., he called me, in jest, Mademoiselle de Vandenesse; but my conduct + pleased him. I am convinced that the habit of patience I acquired in my + childhood and practised at Clochegourde had much to do in my winning the + favor of the king, who was always most kind to me. He no doubt took a + fancy to read my letters, for he soon gave up his notion of my life as + that of a young girl. One day when the duke was on duty, and I was writing + at the king’s dictation, the latter suddenly remarked, in that fine, + silvery voice of his, to which he could give, when he chose, the biting + tone of epigram:— + </p> + <p> + “So that poor devil of a Mortsauf persists in living?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” replied the duke. + </p> + <p> + “Madame de Mortsauf is an angel, whom I should like to see at my court,” + continued the king; “but if I cannot manage it, my chancellor here,” + turning to me, “may be more fortunate. You are to have six months’ leave; + I have decided on giving you the young man we spoke of yesterday as + colleague. Amuse yourself at Clochegourde, friend Cato!” and he laughed as + he had himself wheeled out of the room. + </p> + <p> + I flew like a swallow to Touraine. For the first time I was to show myself + to my beloved, not merely a little less insignificant, but actually in the + guise of an elegant young man, whose manners had been formed in the best + salons, his education finished by gracious women; who had found at last a + compensation for all his sufferings, and had put to use the experience + given to him by the purest angel to whom heaven had ever committed the + care of a child. You know how my mother had equipped me for my three + months’ visit at Frapesle. When I reached Clochegourde after fulfilling my + mission in Vendee, I was dressed like a huntsman; I wore a jacket with + white and red buttons, striped trousers, leathern gaiters and shoes. + Tramping through underbrush had so injured my clothes that the count was + obliged to lend me linen. On the present occasion, two years’ residence in + Paris, constant intercourse with the king, the habits of a life at ease, + my completed growth, a youthful countenance, which derived a lustre from + the placidity of the soul within magnetically united with the pure soul + that beamed on me from Clochegourde,—all these things combined had + transformed me. I was self-possessed without conceit, inwardly pleased to + find myself, in spite of my years, at the summit of affairs; above all, I + had the consciousness of being secretly the support and comfort of the + dearest woman on earth, and her unuttered hope. Perhaps I felt a flutter + of vanity as the postilions cracked their whips along the new avenue + leading from the main road to Clochegourde and through an iron gate I had + never seen before, which opened into a circular enclosure recently + constructed. I had not written to the countess of my coming, wishing to + surprise her. For this I found myself doubly in fault: first, she was + overwhelmed with the excitement of a pleasure long desired, but supposed + to be impossible; and secondly, she proved to me that all such deliberate + surprises are in bad taste. + </p> + <p> + When Henriette saw a young man in him who had hitherto seemed but a child + to her, she lowered her eyes with a sort of tragic slowness. She allowed + me to take and kiss her hand without betraying her inward pleasure, which + I nevertheless felt in her sensitive shiver. When she raised her face to + look at me again, I saw that she was pale. + </p> + <p> + “Well, you don’t forget your old friends?” said Monsieur de Mortsauf, who + had neither changed nor aged. + </p> + <p> + The children sprang upon me. I saw them behind the grave face of the Abbe + Dominis, Jacques’ tutor. + </p> + <p> + “No,” I replied, “and in future I am to have six months’ leave, which will + always be spent here—Why, what is the matter?” I said to the + countess, putting my arm round her waist and holding her up in presence of + them all. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, don’t!” she said, springing away from me; “it is nothing.” + </p> + <p> + I read her mind, and answered to its secret thought by saying, “Am I not + allowed to be your faithful slave?” + </p> + <p> + She took my arm, left the count, the children, and the abbe, and led me to + a distance on the lawn, though still within sight of the others; then, + when sure that her voice could not be heard by them, she spoke. + </p> + <p> + “Felix, my dear friend,” she said, “forgive my fears; I have but one + thread by which to guide me in the labyrinth of life, and I dread to see + it broken. Tell me that I am more than ever Henriette to you, that you + will never abandon me, that nothing shall prevail against me, that you + will ever be my devoted friend. I have suddenly had a glimpse into my + future, and you were not there, as hitherto, your eyes shining and fixed + upon me—” + </p> + <p> + “Henriette! idol whose worship is like that of the Divine,—lily, + flower of my life, how is it that you do not know, you who are my + conscience, that my being is so fused with yours that my soul is here when + my body is in Paris? Must I tell you that I have come in seventeen hours, + that each turn of the wheels gathered thoughts and desires in my breast, + which burst forth like a tempest when I saw you?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, tell me! tell me!” she cried; “I am so sure of myself that I can + hear you without wrong. God does not will my death. He sends you to me as + he sends his breath to his creatures; as he pours the rain of his clouds + upon a parched earth,—tell me! tell me! Do you love me sacredly?” + </p> + <p> + “Sacredly.” + </p> + <p> + “For ever?” + </p> + <p> + “For ever.” + </p> + <p> + “As a virgin Mary, hidden behind her veil, beneath her white crown.” + </p> + <p> + “As a virgin visible.” + </p> + <p> + “As a sister?” + </p> + <p> + “As a sister too dearly loved.” + </p> + <p> + “With chivalry and without hope?” + </p> + <p> + “With chivalry and with hope.” + </p> + <p> + “As if you were still twenty years of age, and wearing that absurd blue + coat?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh better far! I love you thus, and I also love you”—she looked at + me with keen apprehension—“as you loved your aunt.” + </p> + <p> + “I am happy! You dispel my terrors,” she said, returning towards the + family, who were surprised at our private conference. “Be still a child at + Clochegourde—for you are one still. It may be your policy to be a + man with the king, but here, let me tell you, monsieur, your best policy + is to remain a child. As a child you shall be loved. I can resist a man, + but to a child I can refuse nothing, nothing! He can ask for nothing I + will not give him.—Our secrets are all told,” she said, looking at + the count with a mischievous air, in which her girlish, natural self + reappeared. “I leave you now; I must go and dress.” + </p> + <p> + Never for three years had I heard her voice so richly happy. For the first + time I heard those swallow cries, the infantile notes of which I told you. + I had brought Jacques a hunting outfit, and for Madeleine a work-box—which + her mother afterwards used. The joy of the two children, delighted to show + their presents to each other, seemed to annoy the count, always + dissatisfied when attention was withdrawn from himself. I made a sign to + Madeleine and followed her father, who wanted to talk to me of his + ailments. + </p> + <p> + “My poor Felix,” he said, “you see how happy and well they all are. I am + the shadow on the picture; all their ills are transferred to me, and I + bless God that it is so. Formerly I did not know what was the matter with + me; now I know. The orifice of my stomach is affected; I can digest + nothing.” + </p> + <p> + “How do you come to be as wise as the professor of a medical school?” I + asked, laughing. “Is your doctor indiscreet enough to tell you such + things?” + </p> + <p> + “God forbid I should consult a doctor,” he cried, showing the aversion + most imaginary invalids feel for the medical profession. + </p> + <p> + I now listened to much crazy talk, in the course of which he made the most + absurd confidences,—complained of his wife, of the servants, of the + children, of life, evidently pleased to repeat his daily speeches to a + friend who, not having heard them daily, might be alarmed, and who at any + rate was forced to listen out of politeness. He must have been satisfied, + for I paid him the utmost attention, trying to penetrate his inconceivable + nature, and to guess what new tortures he had been inflicting on his wife, + of which she had not written to me. Henriette presently put an end to the + monologue by appearing in the portico. The count saw her, shook his head, + and said to me: “You listen to me, Felix; but here no one pities me.” + </p> + <p> + He went away, as if aware of the constraint he imposed on my intercourse + with Henriette, or perhaps from a really chivalrous consideration for her, + knowing he could give her pleasure by leaving us alone. His character + exhibited contradictions that were often inexplicable; he was jealous, + like all weak beings, but his confidence in his wife’s sanctity was + boundless. It may have been the sufferings of his own self-esteem, wounded + by the superiority of that lofty virtue, which made him so eager to oppose + every wish of the poor woman, whom he braved as children brave their + masters or their mothers. + </p> + <p> + Jacques was taking his lessons, and Madeleine was being dressed; I had + therefore a whole hour to walk with the countess alone on the terrace. + </p> + <p> + “Dear angel!” I said, “the chains are heavier, the sands hotter, the + thorns grow apace.” + </p> + <p> + “Hush!” she said, guessing the thoughts my conversation with the count had + suggested. “You are here, and all is forgotten! I don’t suffer; I have + never suffered.” + </p> + <p> + She made a few light steps as if to shake her dress and give to the breeze + its ruches of snowy tulle, its floating sleeves and fresh ribbons, the + laces of her pelerine, and the flowing curls of her coiffure a la Sevigne; + I saw her for the first time a young girl,—gay with her natural + gaiety, ready to frolic like a child. I knew then the meaning of tears of + happiness; I knew the joy a man feels in bringing happiness to another. + </p> + <p> + “Sweet human flower, wooed by my thought, kissed by my soul, oh my lily!” + I cried, “untouched, untouchable upon thy stem, white, proud, fragrant, + and solitary—” + </p> + <p> + “Enough, enough,” she said, smiling. “Speak to me of yourself; tell me + everything.” + </p> + <p> + Then, beneath the swaying arch of quivering leaves, we had a long + conversation, filled with interminable parentheses, subjects taken, + dropped, and retaken, in which I told her my life and my occupations; I + even described my apartment in Paris, for she wished to know everything; + and (happiness then unappreciated) I had nothing to conceal. Knowing thus + my soul and all the details of a daily life full of incessant toil, + learning the full extent of my functions, which to any one not sternly + upright offered opportunities for deception and dishonest gains, but which + I had exercised with such rigid honor that the king, I told her, called me + Mademoiselle de Vandenesse, she seized my hand and kissed it, and dropped + a tear, a tear of joy, upon it. + </p> + <p> + This sudden transposition of our roles, this homage, coupled with the + thought—swiftly expressed but as swiftly comprehended—“Here is + the master I have sought, here is my dream embodied!” all that there was + of avowal in the action, grand in its humility, where love betrayed itself + in a region forbidden to the senses,—this whirlwind of celestial + things fell on my heart and crushed it. I felt myself too small; I wished + to die at her feet. + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” I said, “you surpass us in all things. Can you doubt me?—for + you did doubt me just now, Henriette.” + </p> + <p> + “Not now,” she answered, looking at me with ineffable tenderness, which, + for a moment, veiled the light of her eyes. “But seeing you so changed, so + handsome, I said to myself, ‘Our plans for Madeleine will be defeated by + some woman who will guess the treasures in his heart; she will steal our + Felix, and destroy all happiness here.’” + </p> + <p> + “Always Madeleine!” I replied. “Is it Madeleine to whom I am faithful?” + </p> + <p> + We fell into a silence which Monsieur de Mortsauf inconveniently + interrupted. I was forced to keep up a conversation bristling with + difficulties, in which my honest replies as to the king’s policy jarred + with the count’s ideas, and he forced me to explain again and again the + king’s intentions. In spite of all my questions as to his horses, his + agricultural affairs, whether he was satisfied with his five farms, + whether he meant to cut the timber of the old avenue, he returned to the + subject of politics with the pestering faculty of an old maid and the + persistency of a child. Minds like his prefer to dash themselves against + the light; they return again and again and hum about it without ever + getting into it, like those big flies which weary our ears as they buzz + upon the glass. + </p> + <p> + Henriette was silent. To stop the conversation, in which I feared my young + blood might take fire, I answered in monosyllables, mostly acquiescent, + avoiding discussion; but Monsieur de Mortsauf had too much sense not to + perceive the meaning of my politeness. Presently he was angry at being + always in the right; he grew refractory, his eyebrows and the wrinkles of + his forehead worked, his yellow eyes blazed, his rufous nose grew redder, + as it did on the day I first witnessed an attack of madness. Henriette + gave me a supplicating look, making me understand that she could not + employ on my behalf an authority to which she had recourse to protect her + children. I at once answered the count seriously, taking up the political + question, and managing his peevish spirit with the utmost care. + </p> + <p> + “Poor dear! poor dear!” she murmured two or three times; the words + reaching my ear like a gentle breeze. When she could intervene with + success she said, interrupting us, “Let me tell you, gentlemen, that you + are very dull company.” + </p> + <p> + Recalled by this conversation to his chivalrous sense of what was due to a + woman, the count ceased to talk politics, and as we bored him in our turn + by commonplace matters, he presently left us to continue our walk, + declaring that it made his head spin to go round and round on the same + path. + </p> + <p> + My sad conjectures were true. The soft landscape, the warm atmosphere, the + cloudless skies, the soothing poetry of this valley, which for fifteen + years had calmed the stinging fancies of that diseased mind, were now + impotent. At a period of life when the asperities of other men are + softened and their angles smoothed, the disposition of this man became + more and more aggressive. For the last few months he had taken a habit of + contradicting for the sake of contradiction, without reason, without even + trying to justify his opinions; he insisted on knowing the why and the + wherefore of everything; grew restless under a delay or an omission; + meddled with every item of the household affairs, and compelled his wife + and the servants to render him the most minute and fatiguing account of + all that was done; never allowing them the slightest freedom of action. + Formerly he did not lose his temper except for some special reason; now + his irritation was constant. Perhaps the care of his farms, the interests + of agriculture, an active out-door life had formerly soothed his + atrabilious temper by giving it a field for its uneasiness, and by + furnishing employment for his activity. Possibly the loss of such + occupation had allowed his malady to prey upon itself; no longer exercised + on matters without, it was showing itself in more fixed ideas; the moral + being was laying hold of the physical being. He had lately become his own + doctor; he studied medical books, fancied he had the diseases he read of, + and took the most extraordinary and unheard of precautions about his + health,—precautions never the same, impossible to foresee, and + consequently impossible to satisfy. Sometimes he wanted no noise; then, + when the countess had succeeded in establishing absolute silence, he would + declare he was in a tomb, and blame her for not finding some medium + between incessant noise and the stillness of La Trappe. Sometimes he + affected a perfect indifference for all earthly things. Then the whole + household breathed freely; the children played; family affairs went on + without criticism. Suddenly he would cry out lamentably, “They want to + kill me!—My dear,” he would say to his wife, increasing the + injustice of his words by the aggravating tones of his sharp voice, “if it + concerned your children you would know very well what was the matter with + them.” + </p> + <p> + He dressed and re-dressed himself incessantly, watching every change of + temperature, and doing nothing without consulting the barometer. + Notwithstanding his wife’s attentions, he found no food to suit him, his + stomach being, he said, impaired, and digestion so painful as to keep him + awake all night. In spite of this he ate, drank, digested, and slept, in a + manner to satisfy any doctor. His capricious will exhausted the patience + of the servants, accustomed to the beaten track of domestic service and + unable to conform to the requirements of his conflicting orders. Sometimes + he bade them keep all the windows open, declaring that his health required + a current of fresh air; a few days later the fresh air, being too hot or + too damp, as the case might be, became intolerable; then he scolded, + quarrelled with the servants, and in order to justify himself, denied his + former orders. This defect of memory, or this bad faith, call it which you + will, always carried the day against his wife in the arguments by which + she tried to pit him against himself. Life at Clochegourde had become so + intolerable that the Abbe Dominis, a man of great learning, took refuge in + the study of scientific problems, and withdrew into the shelter of + pretended abstraction. The countess had no longer any hope of hiding the + secret of these insane furies within the circle of her own home; the + servants had witnessed scenes of exasperation without exciting cause, in + which the premature old man passed the bounds of reason. They were, + however, so devoted to the countess that nothing so far had transpired + outside; but she dreaded daily some public outburst of a frenzy no longer + controlled by respect for opinion. + </p> + <p> + Later I learned the dreadful details of the count’s treatment of his wife. + Instead of supporting her when the children were ill, he assailed her with + dark predictions and made her responsible for all future illnesses, + because she refused to let the children take the crazy doses which he + prescribed. When she went to walk with them the count would predict a + storm in the face of a clear sky; if by chance the prediction proved true, + the satisfaction he felt made him quite indifferent to any harm to the + children. If one of them was ailing, the count gave his whole mind to + fastening the cause of the illness upon the system of nursing adopted by + his wife, whom he carped at for every trifling detail, always ending with + the cruel words, “If your children fall ill again you have only yourself + to thank for it.” + </p> + <p> + He behaved in the same way in the management of the household, seeing the + worst side of everything, and making himself, as his old coachman said, + “the devil’s own advocate.” The countess arranged that Jacques and + Madeleine should take their meals alone at different hours from the + family, so as to save them from the count’s outbursts and draw all the + storms upon herself. In this way the children now saw but little of their + father. By one of the hallucinations peculiar to selfish persons, the + count had not the slightest idea of the misery he caused. In the + confidential communication he made to me on my arrival he particularly + dwelt on his goodness to his family. He wielded the flail, beat, bruised, + and broke everything about him as a monkey might have done. Then, having + half-destroyed his prey, he denied having touched it. I now understood the + lines on Henriette’s forehead,—fine lines, traced as it were with + the edge of a razor, which I had noticed the moment I saw her. There is a + pudicity in noble minds which withholds them from speaking of their + personal sufferings; proudly they hide the extent of their woes from + hearts that love them, feeling a merciful joy in doing so. Therefore in + spite of my urgency, I did not immediately obtain the truth from + Henriette. She feared to grieve me; she made brief admissions, and then + blushed for them; but I soon perceived myself the increase of trouble + which the count’s present want of regular occupation had brought upon the + household. + </p> + <p> + “Henriette,” I said, after I had been there some days, “don’t you think + you have made a mistake in so arranging the estate that the count has no + longer anything to do?” + </p> + <p> + “Dear,” she said, smiling, “my situation is critical enough to take all my + attention; believe me, I have considered all my resources, and they are + now exhausted. It is true that the bickerings are getting worse and worse. + As Monsieur de Mortsauf and I are always together, I cannot lessen them by + diverting his attention in other directions; in fact the pain would be the + same to me in any case. I did think of advising him to start a nursery for + silk-worms at Clochegourde, where we have many mulberry-trees, remains of + the old industry of Touraine. But I reflected that he would still be the + same tyrant at home, and I should have many more annoyances through the + enterprise. You will learn, my dear observer, that in youth a man’s ill + qualities are restrained by society, checked in their swing by the play of + passions, subdued under the fear of public opinion; later, a middle-aged + man, living in solitude, shows his native defects, which are all the more + terrible because so long repressed. Human weaknesses are essentially base; + they allow of neither peace nor truce; what you yield to them to-day they + exact to-morrow, and always; they fasten on concessions and compel more of + them. Power, on the other hand, is merciful; it conforms to evidence, it + is just and it is peaceable. But the passions born of weakness are + implacable. Monsieur de Mortsauf takes an absolute pleasure in getting the + better of me; and he who would deceive no one else, deceives me with + delight.” + </p> + <p> + One morning as we left the breakfast table, about a month after my + arrival, the countess took me by the arm, darted through an iron gate + which led into the vineyard, and dragged me hastily among the vines. + </p> + <p> + “He will kill me!” she cried. “And I want to live—for my children’s + sake. But oh! not a day’s respite! Always to walk among thorns! to come + near falling every instant! every instant to have to summon all my + strength to keep my balance! No human being can long endure such strain + upon the system. If I were certain of the ground I ought to take, if my + resistance could be a settled thing, then my mind might concentrate upon + it—but no, every day the attacks change character and leave me + without defence; my sorrows are not one, they are manifold. Ah! my friend—” + she cried, leaning her head upon my shoulder, and not continuing her + confidence. “What will become of me? Oh, what shall I do?” she said + presently, struggling with thoughts she did not express. “How can I + resist? He will kill me! No, I will kill myself—but that would be a + crime! Escape? yes, but my children! Separate from him? how, after fifteen + years of marriage, how could I ever tell my parents that I will not live + with him? for if my father and mother came here he would be calm, polite, + intelligent, judicious. Besides, can married women look to fathers or + mothers? Do they not belong body and soul to their husbands? I could live + tranquil if not happy—I have found strength in my chaste solitude, I + admit it; but if I am deprived of this negative happiness I too shall + become insane. My resistance is based on powerful reasons which are not + personal to myself. It is a crime to give birth to poor creatures + condemned to endless suffering. Yet my position raises serious questions, + so serious that I dare not decide them alone; I cannot be judge and party + both. To-morrow I will go to Tours and consult my new confessor, the Abbe + Birotteau—for my dear and virtuous Abbe de la Berge is dead,” she + said, interrupting herself. “Though he was severe, I miss and shall always + miss his apostolic power. His successor is an angel of goodness, who + pities but does not reprimand. Still, all courage draws fresh life from + the heart of religion; what soul is not strengthened by the voice of the + Holy Spirit? My God,” she said, drying her tears and raising her eyes to + heaven, “for what sin am I thus punished?—I believe, yes, Felix, I + believe it, we must pass through a fiery furnace before we reach the + saints, the just made perfect of the upper spheres. Must I keep silence? + Am I forbidden, oh, my God, to cry to the heart of a friend? Do I love him + too well?” She pressed me to her heart as though she feared to lose me. + “Who will solve my doubts? My conscience does not reproach me. The stars + shine from above on men; may not the soul, the human star, shed its light + upon a friend, if we go to him with pure thoughts?” + </p> + <p> + I listened to this dreadful cry in silence, holding her moist hand in mine + that was still more moist. I pressed it with a force to which Henriette + replied with an equal pressure. + </p> + <p> + “Where are you?” cried the count, who came towards us, bareheaded. + </p> + <p> + Ever since my return he had insisted on sharing our interviews,—either + because he wanted amusement, or feared the countess would tell me her + sorrows and complain to me, or because he was jealous of a pleasure he did + not share. + </p> + <p> + “How he follows me!” she cried, in a tone of despair. “Let us go into the + orchard, we shall escape him. We can stoop as we run by the hedge, and he + will not see us.” + </p> + <p> + We made the hedge a rampart and reached the enclosure, where we were soon + at a good distance from the count in an alley of almond-trees. + </p> + <p> + “Dear Henriette,” I then said to her, pressing her arm against my heart + and stopping to contemplate her in her sorrow, “you have guided me with + true knowledge along the perilous ways of the great world; let me in + return give you some advice which may help you to end this duel without + witnesses, in which you must inevitably be worsted, for you are fighting + with unequal weapons. You must not struggle any longer with a madman—” + </p> + <p> + “Hush!” she said, dashing aside the tears that rolled from her eyes. + </p> + <p> + “Listen to me, dear,” I continued. “After a single hour’s talk with the + count, which I force myself to endure for love of you, my thoughts are + bewildered, my head heavy; he makes me doubtful of my own intellect; the + same ideas repeated over and over again seem to burn themselves on my + brain. Well-defined monomanias are not communicated; but when the madness + consists in a distorted way of looking at everything, and when it lurks + under all discussions, then it can and does injure the minds of those who + live with it. Your patience is sublime, but will it not end in disordering + you? For your sake, for that of your children, change your system with the + count. Your adorable kindness has made him selfish; you have treated him + as a mother treats the child she spoils; but now, if you want to live—and + you do want it,” I said, looking at her, “use the control you have over + him. You know what it is; he loves you and he fears you; make him fear you + more; oppose his erratic will with your firm will. Extend your power over + him, confine his madness to a moral sphere just as we lock maniacs in a + cell.” + </p> + <p> + “Dear child,” she said, smiling bitterly, “a woman without a heart might + do it. But I am a mother; I should make a poor jailer. Yes, I can suffer, + but I cannot make others suffer. Never!” she said, “never! not even to + obtain some great and honorable result. Besides, I should have to lie in + my heart, disguise my voice, lower my head, degrade my gesture—do + not ask of me such falsehoods. I can stand between Monsieur de Mortsauf + and his children, I willingly receive his blows that they may not fall on + others; I can do all that, and will do it to conciliate conflicting + interests, but I can do no more.” + </p> + <p> + “Let me worship thee, O saint, thrice holy!” I exclaimed, kneeling at her + feet and kissing her robe, with which I wiped my tears. “But if he kills + you?” I cried. + </p> + <p> + She turned pale and said, lifting her eyes to heaven: + </p> + <p> + “God’s will be done!” + </p> + <p> + “Do you know that the king said to your father, ‘So that devil of a + Mortsauf is still living’?” + </p> + <p> + “A jest on the lips of the king,” she said, “is a crime when repeated + here.” + </p> + <p> + In spite of our precautions the count had tracked us; he now arrived, + bathed in perspiration, and sat down under a walnut-tree where the + countess had stopped to give me that rebuke. I began to talk about the + vintage; the count was silent, taking no notice of the dampness under the + tree. After a few insignificant remarks, interspersed with pauses that + were very significant, he complained of nausea and headache; but he spoke + gently, and did not appeal to our pity, or describe his sufferings in his + usual exaggerated way. We paid no attention to him. When we reached the + house, he said he felt worse and should go to bed; which he did, quite + naturally and with much less complaint than usual. We took advantage of + the respite and went down to our dear terrace accompanied by Madeleine. + </p> + <p> + “Let us get that boat and go upon the river,” said the countess after we + had made a few turns. “We might go and look at the fishing which is going + on to-day.” + </p> + <p> + We went out by the little gate, found the punt, jumped into it and were + presently paddling up the Loire. Like three children amused with trifles, + we looked at the sedges along the banks and the blue and green + dragon-flies; the countess wondered perhaps that she was able to enjoy + such peaceful pleasures in the midst of her poignant griefs; but Nature’s + calm, indifferent to our struggles, has a magic gift of consolation. The + tumults of a love full of restrained desires harmonize with the wash of + the water; the flowers that the hand of man has never wilted are the voice + of his secret dreams; the voluptuous swaying of the boat vaguely responds + to the thoughts that are floating in his soul. We felt the languid + influence of this double poesy. Words, tuned to the diapason of nature, + disclosed mysterious graces; looks were impassioned rays sharing the light + shed broadcast by the sun on the glowing meadows. The river was a path + along which we flew. Our spirit, no longer kept down by the measured tread + of our footsteps, took possession of the universe. The abounding joy of a + child at liberty, graceful in its motions, enticing in its play, is the + living expression of two freed souls, delighting themselves by becoming + ideally the wondrous being dreamed of by Plato and known to all whose + youth has been filled with a blessed love. To describe to you that hour, + not in its indescribable details but in its essence, I must say to you + that we loved each other in all the creations animate and inanimate which + surrounded us; we felt without us the happiness our own hearts craved; it + so penetrated our being that the countess took off her gloves and let her + hands float in the water as if to cool an inward ardor. Her eyes spoke; + but her mouth, opening like a rose to the breeze, gave voice to no desire. + You know the harmony of deep tones mingling perfectly with high ones? + Ever, when I hear it now, it recalls to me the harmony of our two souls in + this one hour, which never came again. + </p> + <p> + “Where do you fish?” I asked, “if you can only do so from the banks you + own?” + </p> + <p> + “Near Pont-de-Ruan,” she replied. “Ah! we now own the river from + Pont-de-Ruan to Clochegourde; Monsieur de Mortsauf has lately bought forty + acres of the meadow lands with the savings of two years and the arrearage + of his pension. Does that surprise you?” + </p> + <p> + “Surprise me?” I cried; “I would that all the valley were yours.” She + answered me with a smile. Presently we came below the bridge to a place + where the Indre widens and where the fishing was going on. + </p> + <p> + “Well, Martineau?” she said. + </p> + <p> + “Ah, Madame la comtesse, such bad luck! We have fished up from the mill + the last three hours, and have taken nothing.” + </p> + <p> + We landed near them to watch the drawing in of the last net, and all three + of us sat down in the shade of a “bouillard,” a sort of poplar with a + white bark, which grows on the banks of the Danube and the Loire (probably + on those of other large rivers), and sheds, in the spring of the year, a + white and silky fluff, the covering of its flower. The countess had + recovered her august serenity; she half regretted the unveiling of her + griefs, and mourned that she had cried aloud like Job, instead of weeping + like the Magdalen,—a Magdalen without loves, or galas, or + prodigalities, but not without beauty and fragrance. The net came in at + her feet full of fish; tench, barbels, pike, perch, and an enormous carp, + which floundered about on the grass. + </p> + <p> + “Madame brings luck!” exclaimed the keeper. + </p> + <p> + All the laborers opened their eyes as they looked with admiration at the + woman whose fairy wand seemed to have touched the nets. Just then the + huntsman was seen urging his horse over the meadows at a full gallop. Fear + took possession of her. Jacques was not with us, and the mother’s first + thought, as Virgil so poetically says, is to press her children to her + breast when danger threatens. + </p> + <p> + “Jacques! Where is Jacques? What has happened to my boy?” + </p> + <p> + She did not love me! If she had loved me I should have seen upon her face + when confronted with my sufferings that expression of a lioness in + despair. + </p> + <p> + “Madame la comtesse, Monsieur le comte is worse.” + </p> + <p> + She breathed more freely and started to run towards Clochegourde, followed + by me and by Madeleine. + </p> + <p> + “Follow me slowly,” she said, looking back; “don’t let the dear child + overheat herself. You see how it is; Monsieur de Mortsauf took that walk + in the sun which put him into a perspiration, and sitting under the + walnut-tree may be the cause of a great misfortune.” + </p> + <p> + The words, said in the midst of her agitation, showed plainly the purity + of her soul. The death of the count a misfortune! She reached Clochegourde + with great rapidity, passing through a gap in the wall and crossing the + fields. I returned slowly. Henriette’s words lighted my mind, but as the + lightning falls and blasts the gathered harvest. On the river I had + fancied I was her chosen one; now I felt bitterly the sincerity of her + words. The lover who is not everything is nothing. I loved with the desire + of a love that knows what it seeks; which feeds in advance on coming + transports, and is content with the pleasures of the soul because it + mingles with them others which the future keeps in store. If Henriette + loved, it was certain that she knew neither the pleasures of love nor its + tumults. She lived by feelings only, like a saint with God. I was the + object on which her thoughts fastened as bees swarm upon the branch of a + flowering tree. In my mad jealousy I reproached myself that I had dared + nothing, that I had not tightened the bonds of a tenderness which seemed + to me at that moment more subtile than real, by the chains of positive + possession. + </p> + <p> + The count’s illness, caused perhaps by a chill under the walnut-tree, + became alarming in a few hours. I went to Tours for a famous doctor named + Origet, but was unable to find him until evening. He spent that night and + the next day at Clochegourde. We had sent the huntsman in quest of + leeches, but the doctor, thinking the case urgent, wished to bleed the + count immediately, but had brought no lancet with him. I at once started + for Azay in the midst of a storm, roused a surgeon, Monsieur Deslandes, + and compelled him to come with the utmost celerity to Clochegourde. Ten + minutes later and the count would have died; the bleeding saved him. But + in spite of this preliminary success the doctor predicted an inflammatory + fever of the worst kind. The countess was overcome by the fear that she + was the secret cause of this crisis. Two weak to thank me for my + exertions, she merely gave me a few smiles, the equivalent of the kiss she + had once laid upon my hand. Fain would I have seen in those haggard smiles + the remorse of illicit love; but no, they were only the act of contrition + of an innocent repentance, painful to see in one so pure, the expression + of admiring tenderness for me whom she regarded as noble while reproaching + herself for an imaginary wrong. Surely she loved as Laura loved Petrarch, + and not as Francesca da Rimini loved Paolo,—a terrible discovery for + him who had dreamed the union of the two loves. + </p> + <p> + The countess half lay, her body bent forwards, her arms hanging, in a + soiled armchair in a room that was like the lair of a wild boar. The next + evening before the doctor departed he said to the countess, who had sat up + the night before, that she must get a nurse, as the illness would be a + long one. + </p> + <p> + “A nurse!” she said; “no, no! We will take care of him,” she added, + looking at me; “we owe it to ourselves to save him.” + </p> + <p> + The doctor gave us both an observing look full of astonishment. The words + were of a nature to make him suspect an atonement. He promised to come + twice a week, left directions for the treatment with Monsieur Deslandes, + and pointed out the threatening symptoms that might oblige us to send for + him. I asked the countess to let me sit up the alternate nights and then, + not without difficulty, I persuaded her to go to bed on the third night. + When the house was still and the count sleeping I heard a groan from + Henriette’s room. My anxiety was so keen that I went to her. She was + kneeling before the crucifix bathed in tears. “My God!” she cried; “if + this be the cost of a murmur, I will never complain again.” + </p> + <p> + “You have left him!” she said on seeing me. + </p> + <p> + “I heard you moaning, and I was frightened.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, I!” she said; “I am well.” + </p> + <p> + Wishing to be certain that Monsieur de Mortsauf was asleep she came down + with me; by the light of the lamp we looked at him. The count was weakened + by the loss of blood and was more drowsy than asleep; his hands picked the + counterpane and tried to draw it over him. + </p> + <p> + “They say the dying do that,” she whispered. “Ah! if he were to die of + this illness, that I have caused, never will I marry again, I swear it,” + she said, stretching her hand over his head with a solemn gesture. + </p> + <p> + “I have done all I could to save him,” I said. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, you!” she said, “you are good; it is I who am guilty.” + </p> + <p> + She stooped to that discolored brow, wiped the perspiration from it and + laid a kiss there solemnly; but I saw, not without joy, that she did it as + an expiation. + </p> + <p> + “Blanche, I am thirsty,” said the count in a feeble voice. + </p> + <p> + “You see he knows me,” she said giving him to drink. + </p> + <p> + Her accent, her affectionate manner to him seemed to me to take the + feelings that bound us together and immolate them to the sick man. + </p> + <p> + “Henriette,” I said, “go and rest, I entreat you.” + </p> + <p> + “No more Henriette,” she said, interrupting me with imperious haste. + </p> + <p> + “Go to bed if you would not be ill. Your children, <i>he himself</i> would + order you to be careful; it is a case where selfishness becomes a virtue.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” she said. + </p> + <p> + She went away, recommending her husband to my care by a gesture which + would have seemed like approaching delirium if childlike grace had not + been mingled with the supplicating forces of repentance. But the scene was + terrible, judged by the habitual state of that pure soul; it alarmed me; I + feared the exaltation of her conscience. When the doctor came again, I + revealed to him the nature of my pure Henriette’s self-reproach. This + confidence, made discreetly, removed Monsieur Origet’s suspicions, and + enabled him to quiet the distress of that noble soul by telling her that + in any case the count had to pass through this crisis, and that as for the + nut-tree, his remaining there had done more good than harm by developing + the disease. + </p> + <p> + For fifty-two days the count hovered between life and death. Henriette and + I each watched twenty-six nights. Undoubtedly, Monsieur de Mortsauf owed + his life to our nursing and to the careful exactitude with which we + carried out the orders of Monsieur Origet. Like all philosophical + physicians, whose sagacious observation of what passes before them + justifies many a doubt of noble actions when they are only the + accomplishment of a duty, this man, while assisting the countess and me in + our rivalry of devotion, could not help watching us, with scrutinizing + glances, so afraid was he of being deceived in his admiration. + </p> + <p> + “In diseases of this nature,” he said to me at his third visit, “death has + a powerful auxiliary in the moral nature when that is seriously disturbed, + as it is in this case. The doctor, the family, the nurses hold the + patient’s life in their hands; sometimes a single word, a fear expressed + by a gesture, has the effect of poison.” + </p> + <p> + As he spoke Origet studied my face and expression; but he saw in my eyes + the clear look of an honest soul. In fact during the whole course of this + distressing illness there never passed through my mind a single one of the + involuntary evil thoughts which do sometimes sear the consciences of the + innocent. To those who study nature in its grandeur as a whole all tends + to unity through assimilation. The moral world must undoubtedly be ruled + by an analogous principle. In an pure sphere all is pure. The atmosphere + of heaven was around my Henriette; it seemed as though an evil desire must + forever part me from her. Thus she not only stood for happiness, but for + virtue; she <i>was</i> virtue. Finding us always equally careful and + attentive, the doctor’s words and manners took a tone of respect and even + pity; he seemed to say to himself, “Here are the real sufferers; they hide + their ills, and forget them.” By a fortunate change, which, according to + our excellent doctor, is common enough in men who are completely + shattered, Monsieur de Mortsauf was patient, obedient, complained little, + and showed surprising docility,—he, who when well never did the + simplest thing without discussion. The secret of this submission to + medical care, which he formerly so derided, was an innate dread of death; + another contradiction in a man of tried courage. This dread may perhaps + explain several other peculiarities in the character which the cruel years + of exile had developed. + </p> + <p> + Shall I admit to you, Natalie, and will you believe me? these fifty days + and the month that followed them were the happiest moments of my life. + Love, in the celestial spaces of the soul is like a noble river flowing + through a valley; the rains, the brooks, the torrents hie to it, the trees + fall upon its surface, so do the flowers, the gravel of its shores, the + rocks of the summits; storms and the loitering tribute of the crystal + streams alike increase it. Yes, when love comes all comes to love! + </p> + <p> + The first great danger over, the countess and I grew accustomed to + illness. In spite of the confusion which the care of the sick entails, the + count’s room, once so untidy, was now clean and inviting. Soon we were + like two beings flung upon a desert island, for not only do anxieties + isolate, but they brush aside as petty the conventions of the world. The + welfare of the sick man obliged us to have points of contact which no + other circumstances would have authorized. Many a time our hands, shy or + timid formerly, met in some service that we rendered to the count—was + I not there to sustain and help my Henriette? Absorbed in a duty + comparable to that of a soldier at the pickets, she forgot to eat; then I + served her, sometimes on her lap, a hasty meal which necessitated a + thousand little attentions. We were like children at a grave. She would + order me sharply to prepare whatever might ease the sick man’s suffering; + she employed me in a hundred petty ways. During the time when actual + danger obscured, as it does during the battle, the subtile distinctions + which characterize the facts of ordinary life, she necessarily laid aside + the reserve which all women, even the most unconventional, preserve in + their looks and words and actions before the world or their own family. At + the first chirping of the birds she would come to relieve my watch, + wearing a morning garment which revealed to me once more the dazzling + treasures that in my folly I had treated as my own. Always dignified, nay + imposing, she could still be familiar. + </p> + <p> + Thus it came to pass that we found ourselves unconsciously intimate, + half-married as it were. She showed herself nobly confiding, as sure of me + as she was of herself. I was thus taken deeper and deeper into her heart. + The countess became once more my Henriette, Henriette constrained to love + with increasing strength the friend who endeavored to be her second soul. + Her hand unresistingly met mine at the least solicitation; my eyes were + permitted to follow with delight the lines of her beauty during the long + hours when we listened to the count’s breathing, without driving her from + their sight. The meagre pleasures which we allowed ourselves—sympathizing + looks, words spoken in whispers not to wake the count, hopes and fears + repeated and again repeated, in short, the thousand incidents of the + fusion of two hearts long separated—stand out in bright array upon + the sombre background of the actual scene. Our souls knew each other to + their depths under this test, which many a warm affection is unable to + bear, finding life too heavy or too flimsy in the close bonds of hourly + intercourse. + </p> + <p> + You know what disturbance follows the illness of a master; how the affairs + of life seem to come to a standstill. Though the real care of the family + and estate fell upon Madame de Mortsauf, the count was useful in his way; + he talked with the farmers, transacted business with his bailiff, and + received the rents; if she was the soul, he was the body. I now made + myself her steward so that she could nurse the count without neglecting + the property. She accepted this as a matter of course, in fact without + thanking me. It was another sweet communion to share her family cares, to + transmit her orders. In the evenings we often met in her room to discuss + these interests and those of her children. Such conversations gave one + semblance the more to our transitory marriage. With what delight she + encouraged me to take a husband’s place, giving me his seat at table, + sending me to talk with the bailiff,—all in perfect innocence, yet + not without that inward pleasure the most virtuous woman in the world will + feel when she finds a course where strict obedience to duty and the + satisfaction of her wishes are combined. + </p> + <p> + Nullified, as it were, by illness, the count no longer oppressed his wife + or his household, the countess then became her natural self; she busied + herself with my affairs and showed me a thousand kindnesses. With what joy + I discovered in her mind a thought, vaguely conceived perhaps, but + exquisitely expressed, namely, to show me the full value of her person and + her qualities and make me see the change that would come over her if she + lived understood. This flower, kept in the cold atmosphere of such a home, + opened to my gaze, and to mine only; she took as much delight in letting + me comprehend her as I felt in studying her with the searching eyes of + love. She proved to me in all the trifling things of daily life how much I + was in her thoughts. When, after my turn of watching, I went to bed and + slept late, Henriette would keep the house absolutely silent near me; + Jacques and Madeleine played elsewhere, though never ordered to do so; she + invented excuses to serve my breakfast herself—ah, with what + sparkling pleasure in her movements, what swallow-like rapidity, what + lynx-eyed perception! and then! what carnation on her cheeks, what + quiverings in her voice! + </p> + <p> + Can such expansions of the soul be described in words? + </p> + <p> + Often she was wearied out; but if, at such moments of lassitude my welfare + came in question, for me, as for her children, she found fresh strength + and sprang up eagerly and joyfully. How she loved to shed her tenderness + like sunbeams in the air! Ah, Natalie, some women share the privileges of + angels here below; they diffuse that light which Saint-Martin, the + mysterious philosopher, declared to be intelligent, melodious, and + perfumed. Sure of my discretion, Henriette took pleasure in raising the + curtain which hid the future and in showing me two women in her,—the + woman bound hand and foot who had won me in spite of her severity, and the + woman freed, whose sweetness should make my love eternal! What a + difference. Madame de Mortsauf was the skylark of Bengal, transported to + our cold Europe, mournful on its perch, silent and dying in the cage of a + naturalist; Henriette was the singing bird of oriental poems in groves + beside the Ganges, flying from branch to branch like a living jewel amid + the roses of a volkameria that ever blooms. Her beauty grew more + beautiful, her mind recovered strength. The continual sparkle of this + happiness was a secret between ourselves, for she dreaded the eye of the + Abbe Dominis, the representative of the world; she masked her contentment + with playfulness, and covered the proofs of her tenderness with the banner + of gratitude. + </p> + <p> + “We have put your friendship to a severe test, Felix; we may give you the + same rights we give to Jacques, may we not, Monsieur l’abbe?” she said one + day. + </p> + <p> + The stern abbe answered with the smile of a man who can read the human + heart and see its purity; for the countess he always showed the respect + mingled with adoration which the angels inspire. Twice during those fifty + days the countess passed beyond the limits in which we held our affection. + But even these infringements were shrouded in a veil, never lifted until + the final hour when avowal came. One morning, during the first days of the + count’s illness, when she repented her harsh treatment in withdrawing the + innocent privileges she had formerly granted me, I was expecting her to + relieve my watch. Much fatigued, I fell asleep, my head against the wall. + I wakened suddenly at the touch of something cool upon my forehead which + gave me a sensation as if a rose had rested there. I opened my eyes and + saw the countess, standing a few steps distant, who said, “I have just + come.” I rose to leave the room, but as I bade her good-bye I took her + hand; it was moist and trembling. + </p> + <p> + “Are you ill?” I said. + </p> + <p> + “Why do you ask that question?” she replied. + </p> + <p> + I looked at her blushing and confused. “I was dreaming,” I replied. + </p> + <p> + Another time, when Monsieur Origet had announced positively that the count + was convalescent, I was lying with Jacques and Madeleine on the step of + the portico intent on a game of spillikins which we were playing with bits + of straw and hooks made of pins; Monsieur de Mortsauf was asleep. The + doctor, while waiting for his horse to be harnessed, was talking with the + countess in the salon. Monsieur Origet went away without my noticing his + departure. After he left, Henriette leaned against the window, from which + she watched us for some time without our seeing her. It was one of those + warm evenings when the sky is copper-colored and the earth sends up among + the echoes a myriad mingling noises. A last ray of sunlight was leaving + the roofs, the flowers in the garden perfumed the air, the bells of the + cattle returning to their stalls sounded in the distance. We were all + conforming to the silence of the evening hour and hushing our voices that + we might not wake the count. Suddenly, I heard the guttural sound of a sob + violently suppressed; I rushed into the salon and found the countess + sitting by the window with her handkerchief to her face. She heard my step + and made me an imperious gesture, commanding me to leave her. I went up to + her, my heart stabbed with fear, and tried to take her handkerchief away + by force. Her face was bathed in tears and she fled into her room, which + she did not leave again until the hour for evening prayer. When that was + over, I led her to the terrace and asked the cause of her emotion; she + affected a wild gaiety and explained it by the news Monsieur Origet had + given her. + </p> + <p> + “Henriette, Henriette, you knew that news when I saw you weeping. Between + you and me a lie is monstrous. Why did you forbid me to dry your tears? + were they mine?” + </p> + <p> + “I was thinking,” she said, “that for me this illness has been a halt in + pain. Now that I no longer fear for Monsieur de Mortsauf I fear for + myself.” + </p> + <p> + She was right. The count’s recovery was soon attested by the return of his + fantastic humor. He began by saying that neither the countess, nor I, nor + the doctor had known how to take care of him; we were ignorant of his + constitution and also of his disease; we misunderstood his sufferings and + the necessary remedies. Origet, infatuated with his own doctrines, had + mistaken the case, he ought to have attended only to the pylorus. One day + he looked at us maliciously, with an air of having guessed our thoughts, + and said to his wife with a smile, “Now, my dear, if I had died you would + have regretted me, no doubt, but pray admit you would have been quite + resigned.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, I should have mourned you in pink and black, court mourning,” she + answered laughing, to change the tone of his remarks. + </p> + <p> + But it was chiefly about his food, which the doctor insisted on + regulating, that scenes of violence and wrangling now took place, unlike + any that had hitherto occurred; for the character of the count was all the + more violent for having slumbered. The countess, fortified by the doctor’s + orders and the obedience of her servants, stimulated too by me, who + thought this struggle a good means to teach her to exercise authority over + the count, held out against his violence. She showed a calm front to his + demented cries, and even grew accustomed to his insulting epithets, taking + him for what he was, a child. I had the happiness of at last seeing her + take the reins in hand and govern that unsound mind. The count cried out, + but he obeyed; and he obeyed all the better when he had made an outcry. + But in spite of the evidence of good results, Henriette often wept at the + spectacle of this emaciated, feeble old man, with a forehead yellower than + the falling leaves, his eyes wan, his hands trembling. She blamed herself + for too much severity, and could not resist the joy she saw in his eyes + when, in measuring out his food, she gave him more than the doctor + allowed. She was even more gentle and gracious to him than she had been to + me; but there were differences here which filled my heart with joy. She + was not unwearying, and she sometimes called her servants to wait upon the + count when his caprices changed too rapidly, and he complained of not + being understood. + </p> + <p> + The countess wished to return thanks to God for the count’s recovery; she + directed a mass to be said, and asked if I would take her to church. I did + so, but I left her at the door, and went to see Monsieur and Madame + Chessel. On my return she reproached me. + </p> + <p> + “Henriette,” I said, “I cannot be false. I will throw myself into the + water to save my enemy from drowning, and give him my coat to keep him + warm; I will forgive him, but I cannot forget the wrong.” + </p> + <p> + She was silent, but she pressed my arm. + </p> + <p> + “You are an angel, and you were sincere in your thanksgiving,” I said, + continuing. “The mother of the Prince of the Peace was saved from the + hands of an angry populace who sought to kill her, and when the queen + asked, ‘What did you do?’ she answered, ‘I prayed for them.’ Women are + ever thus. I am a man, and necessarily imperfect.” + </p> + <p> + “Don’t calumniate yourself,” she said, shaking my arm, “perhaps you are + more worthy than I.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” I replied, “for I would give eternity for a day of happiness, and + you—” + </p> + <p> + “I!” she said haughtily. + </p> + <p> + I was silent and lowered my eyes to escape the lightning of hers. + </p> + <p> + “There is many an I in me,” she said. “Of which do you speak? Those + children,” pointing to Jacques and Madeleine, “are one—Felix,” she + cried in a heartrending voice, “do you think me selfish? Ought I to + sacrifice eternity to reward him who devotes to me his life? The thought + is dreadful; it wounds every sentiment of religion. Could a woman so + fallen rise again? Would her happiness absolve her? These are questions + you force me to consider.—Yes, I betray at last the secret of my + conscience; the thought has traversed my heart; often do I expiate it by + penance; it caused the tears you asked me to account for yesterday—” + </p> + <p> + “Do you not give too great importance to certain things which common women + hold at a high price, and—” + </p> + <p> + “Oh!” she said, interrupting me; “do you hold them at a lower?” + </p> + <p> + This logic stopped all argument. + </p> + <p> + “Know this,” she continued. “I might have the baseness to abandon that + poor old man whose life I am; but, my friend, those other feeble creatures + there before us, Madeleine and Jacques, would remain with their father. Do + you think, I ask you do you think they would be alive in three months + under the insane dominion of that man? If my failure of duty concerned + only myself—” A noble smile crossed her face. “But shall I kill my + children! My God!” she exclaimed. “Why speak of these things? Marry, and + let me die!” + </p> + <p> + She said the words in a tone so bitter, so hollow, that they stifled the + remonstrances of my passion. + </p> + <p> + “You uttered cries that day beneath the walnut-tree; I have uttered my + cries here beneath these alders, that is all,” I said; “I will be silent + henceforth.” + </p> + <p> + “Your generosity shames me,” she said, raising her eyes to heaven. + </p> + <p> + We reached the terrace and found the count sitting in a chair, in the sun. + The sight of that sunken face, scarcely brightened by a feeble smile, + extinguished the last flames that came from the ashes. I leaned against + the balustrade and considered the picture of that poor wreck, between his + sickly children and his wife, pale with her vigils, worn out by extreme + fatigue, by the fears, perhaps also by the joys of these terrible months, + but whose cheeks now glowed from the emotions she had just passed through. + At the sight of that suffering family beneath the trembling leafage + through which the gray light of a cloudy autumn sky came dimly, I felt + within me a rupture of the bonds which hold the body to the spirit. There + came upon me then that moral spleen which, they say, the strongest + wrestlers know in the crisis of their combats, a species of cold madness + which makes a coward of the bravest man, a bigot of an unbeliever, and + renders those it grasps indifferent to all things, even to vital + sentiments, to honor, to love—for the doubt it brings takes from us + the knowledge of ourselves and disgusts us with life itself. Poor, nervous + creatures, whom the very richness of your organization delivers over to + this mysterious, fatal power, who are your peers and who your judges? + Horrified by the thoughts that rose within me, and demanding, like the + wicked man, “Where is now thy God?” I could not restrain the tears that + rolled down my cheeks. + </p> + <p> + “What is it, dear Felix?” said Madeleine in her childish voice. + </p> + <p> + Then Henriette put to flight these dark horrors of the mind by a look of + tender solicitude which shone into my soul like a sunbeam. Just then the + old huntsman brought me a letter from Tours, at sight of which I made a + sudden cry of surprise, which made Madame de Mortsauf tremble. I saw the + king’s signet and knew it contained my recall. I gave her the letter and + she read it at a glance. + </p> + <p> + “What will become of me?” she murmured, beholding her desert sunless. + </p> + <p> + We fell into a stupor of thought which oppressed us equally; never had we + felt more strongly how necessary we were to one another. The countess, + even when she spoke indifferently of other things, seemed to have a new + voice, as if the instrument had lost some chords and others were out of + tune. Her movements were apathetic, her eyes without light. I begged her + to tell me her thoughts. + </p> + <p> + “Have I any?” she replied in a dazed way. + </p> + <p> + She drew me into her chamber, made me sit upon the sofa, took a package + from the drawer of her dressing-table, and knelt before me, saying: “This + hair has fallen from my head during the last year; take it, it is yours; + you will some day know how and why.” + </p> + <p> + Slowly I bent to meet her brow, and she did not avoid my lips. I kissed + her sacredly, without unworthy passion, without one impure impulse, but + solemnly, with tenderness. Was she willing to make the sacrifice; or did + she merely come, as I did once, to the verge of the precipice? If love + were leading her to give herself could she have worn that calm, that holy + look; would she have asked, in that pure voice of hers, “You are not angry + with me, are you?” + </p> + <p> + I left that evening; she wished to accompany me on the road to Frapesle; + and we stopped under my walnut-tree. I showed it to her, and told her how + I had first seen her four years earlier from that spot. “The valley was so + beautiful then!” I cried. + </p> + <p> + “And now?” she said quickly. + </p> + <p> + “You are beneath my tree, and the valley is ours!” + </p> + <p> + She bowed her head and that was our farewell; she got into her carriage + with Madeleine, and I into mine alone. + </p> + <p> + On my return to Paris I was absorbed in pressing business which took all + my time and kept me out of society, which for a while forgot me. I + corresponded with Madame de Mortsauf, and sent her my journal once a week. + She answered twice a month. It was a life of solitude yet teeming, like + those sequestered spots, blooming unknown, which I had sometimes found in + the depths of woods when gathering the flowers for my poems. + </p> + <p> + Oh, you who love! take these obligations on you; accept these daily + duties, like those the Church imposes upon Christians. The rigorous + observances of the Roman faith contain a great idea; they plough the + furrow of duty in the soul by the daily repetition of acts which keep + alive the sense of hope and fear. Sentiments flow clearer in furrowed + channels which purify their stream; they refresh the heart, they fertilize + the life from the abundant treasures of a hidden faith, the source divine + in which the single thought of a single love is multiplied indefinitely. + </p> + <p> + My love, an echo of the Middle Ages and of chivalry, was known, I know not + how; possibly the king and the Duc de Lenoncourt had spoken of it. From + that upper sphere the romantic yet simple story of a young man piously + adoring a beautiful woman remote from the world, noble in her solitude, + faithful without support to duty, spread, no doubt quickly, through the + faubourg St. Germain. In the salons I was the object of embarrassing + notice; for retired life has advantages which if once experienced make the + burden of a constant social intercourse insupportable. Certain minds are + painfully affected by violent contrasts, just as eyes accustomed to soft + colors are hurt by glaring light. This was my condition then; you may be + surprised at it now, but have patience; the inconsistencies of the + Vandenesse of to-day will be explained to you. + </p> + <p> + I found society courteous and women most kind. After the marriage of the + Duc de Berry the court resumed its former splendor and the glory of the + French fetes revived. The Allied occupation was over, prosperity + reappeared, enjoyments were again possible. Noted personages, illustrious + by rank, prominent by fortune, came from all parts of Europe to the + capital of the intellect, where the merits and the vices of other + countries were found magnified and whetted by the charms of French + intellect. + </p> + <p> + Five months after leaving Clochegourde my good angel wrote me, in the + middle of the winter, a despairing letter, telling me of the serious + illness of her son. He was then out of danger, but there were many fears + for the future; the doctor said that precautions were necessary for his + lungs—the suggestion of a terrible idea which had put the mother’s + heart in mourning. Hardly had Jacques begun to convalesce, and she could + breathe again, when Madeleine made them all uneasy. That pretty plant, + whose bloom had lately rewarded the mother’s culture, was now frail and + pallid and anemic. The countess, worn-out by Jacques’ long illness, found + no courage, she said, to bear this additional blow, and the ever present + spectacle of these two dear failing creatures made her insensible to the + redoubled torment of her husband’s temper. Thus the storms were again + raging; tearing up by the roots the hopes that were planted deepest in her + bosom. She was now at the mercy of the count; weary of the struggle, she + allowed him to regain all the ground he had lost. + </p> + <p> + “When all my strength is employed in caring for my children,” she wrote, + “how is it possible to employ it against Monsieur de Mortsauf; how can I + struggle against his aggressions when I am fighting against death? + Standing here to-day, alone and much enfeebled, between these two young + images of mournful fate, I am overpowered with disgust, invincible disgust + for life. What blow can I feel, to what affection can I answer, when I see + Jacques motionless on the terrace, scarcely a sign of life about him, + except in those dear eyes, large by emaciation, hollow as those of an old + man and, oh, fatal sign, full of precocious intelligence contrasting with + his physical debility. When I look at my pretty Madeleine, once so gay, so + caressing, so blooming, now white as death, her very hair and eyes seem to + me to have paled; she turns a languishing look upon me as if bidding me + farewell; nothing rouses her, nothing tempts her. In spite of all my + efforts I cannot amuse my children; they smile at me, but their smile is + only in answer to my endearments, it does not come from them. They weep + because they have no strength to play with me. Suffering has enfeebled + their whole being, it has loosened even the ties that bound them to me. + </p> + <p> + “Thus you can well believe that Clochegourde is very sad. Monsieur de + Mortsauf now rules everything—Oh my friend! you, my glory!” she + wrote, farther on, “you must indeed love me well to love me still; to love + me callous, ungrateful, turned to stone by grief.” + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0003" id="link2HCH0003"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER III. THE TWO WOMEN + </h2> + <p> + It was at this time, when I was never more deeply moved in my whole being, + when I lived in that soul to which I strove to send the luminous breeze of + the mornings and the hope of the crimsoned evenings, that I met, in the + salons of the Elysee-Bourbon, one of those illustrious ladies who reign as + sovereigns in society. Immensely rich, born of a family whose blood was + pure from all misalliance since the Conquest, married to one of the most + distinguished old men of the British peerage, it was nevertheless evident + that these advantages were mere accessories heightening this lady’s + beauty, graces, manners, and wit, all of which had a brilliant quality + which dazzled before it charmed. She was the idol of the day; reigning the + more securely over Parisian society because she possessed the quality most + necessary to success,—the hand of iron in the velvet glove spoken of + by Bernadotte. + </p> + <p> + You know the singular characteristics of English people, the distance and + coldness of their own Channel which they put between them and whoever has + not been presented to them in a proper manner. Humanity seems to be an + ant-hill on which they tread; they know none of their species except the + few they admit into their circle; they ignore even the language of the + rest; tongues may move and eyes may see in their presence but neither + sound nor look has reached them; to them, the people are as if they were + not. The British present an image of their own island, where law rules + everything, where all is automatic in every station of life, where the + exercise of virtue appears to be the necessary working of a machine which + goes by clockwork. Fortifications of polished steel rise around the + Englishwoman behind the golden wires of her household cage (where the + feed-box and the drinking-cup, the perches and the food are exquisite in + quality), but they make her irresistibly attractive. No people ever + trained married women so carefully to hypocrisy by holding them rigidly + between the two extremes of death or social station; for them there is no + middle path between shame and honor; either the wrong is completed or it + does not exist; it is all or nothing,—Hamlet’s “To be or not to be.” + This alternative, coupled with the scorn to which the customs of her + country have trained her, make an Englishwoman a being apart in the world. + She is a helpless creature, forced to be virtuous yet ready to yield, + condemned to live a lie in her heart, yet delightful in outward appearance—for + these English rest everything on appearances. Hence the special charms of + their women: the enthusiasm for a love which is all their life; the + minuteness of their care for their persons; the delicacy of their passion, + so charmingly rendered in the famous scene of Romeo and Juliet in which, + with one stroke, Shakespeare’s genius depicted his country-women. + </p> + <p> + You, who envy them so many things, what can I tell you that you do not + know of these white sirens, impenetrable apparently but easily fathomed, + who believe that love suffices love, and turn enjoyments to satiety by + never varying them; whose soul has one note only, their voice one syllable—an + ocean of love in themselves, it is true, and he who has never swum there + misses part of the poetry of the senses, as he who has never seen the sea + has lost some strings of his lyre. You know the why and wherefore of these + words. My relations with the Marchioness of Dudley had a disastrous + celebrity. At an age when the senses have dominion over our conduct, and + when in my case they had been violently repressed by circumstances, the + image of the saint bearing her slow martyrdom at Clochegourde shone so + vividly before my mind that I was able to resist all seductions. It was + the lustre of this fidelity which attracted Lady Dudley’s attention. My + resistance stimulated her passion. What she chiefly desired, like many + Englishwoman, was the spice of singularity; she wanted pepper, capsicum, + with her heart’s food, just as Englishmen need condiments to excite their + appetite. The dull languor forced into the lives of these women by the + constant perfection of everything about them, the methodical regularity of + their habits, leads them to adore the romantic and to welcome difficulty. + I was wholly unable to judge of such a character. The more I retreated to + a cold distance the more impassioned Lady Dudley became. The struggle, in + which she gloried, excited the curiosity of several persons, and this in + itself was a form of happiness which to her mind made ultimate triumph + obligatory. Ah! I might have been saved if some good friend had then + repeated to me her cruel comment on my relations with Madame de Mortsauf. + </p> + <p> + “I am wearied to death,” she said, “of these turtle-dove sighings.” + </p> + <p> + Without seeking to justify my crime, I ask you to observe, Natalie, that a + man has fewer means of resisting a woman than she has of escaping him. Our + code of manners forbids the brutality of repressing a woman, whereas + repression with your sex is not only allurement to ours, but is imposed + upon you by conventions. With us, on the contrary, some unwritten law of + masculine self-conceit ridicules a man’s modesty; we leave you the + monopoly of that virtue, that you may have the privilege of granting us + favors; but reverse the case, and man succumbs before sarcasm. + </p> + <p> + Though protected by my love, I was not of an age to be wholly insensible + to the triple seductions of pride, devotion, and beauty. When Arabella + laid at my feet the homage of a ball-room where she reigned a queen, when + she watched by glance to know if my taste approved of her dress, and when + she trembled with pleasure on seeing that she pleased me, I was affected + by her emotion. Besides, she occupied a social position where I could not + escape her; I could not refuse invitations in the diplomatic circle; her + rank admitted her everywhere, and with the cleverness all women display to + obtain what pleases them, she often contrived that the mistress of the + house should place me beside her at dinner. On such occasions she spoke in + low tones to my ear. “If I were loved like Madame de Mortsauf,” she said + once, “I should sacrifice all.” She did submit herself with a laugh in + many humble ways; she promised me a discretion equal to any test, and even + asked that I would merely suffer her to love me. “Your friend always, your + mistress when you will,” she said. At last, after an evening when she had + made herself so beautiful that she was certain to have excited my desires, + she came to me. The scandal resounded through England, where the + aristocracy was horrified like heaven itself at the fall of its highest + angel. Lady Dudley abandoned her place in the British empyrean, gave up + her wealth, and endeavored to eclipse by her sacrifices <i>her</i> whose + virtue had been the cause of this great disaster. She took delight, like + the devil on the pinnacle of the temple, in showing me all the riches of + her passionate kingdom. + </p> + <p> + Read me, I pray you, with indulgence. The matter concerns one of the most + interesting problems of human life,—a crisis to which most men are + subjected, and which I desire to explain, if only to place a warning light + upon the reef. This beautiful woman, so slender, so fragile, this + milk-white creature, so yielding, so submissive, so gentle, her brow so + endearing, the hair that crowns it so fair and fine, this tender woman, + whose brilliancy is phosphorescent and fugitive, has, in truth, an iron + nature. No horse, no matter how fiery he may be, can conquer her vigorous + wrist, or strive against that hand so soft in appearance, but never tired. + She has the foot of a doe, a thin, muscular little foot, indescribably + graceful in outline. She is so strong that she fears no struggle; men + cannot follow her on horseback; she would win a steeple-chase against a + centaur; she can bring down a stag without stopping her horse. Her body + never perspires; it inhales the fire of the atmosphere, and lives in water + under pain of not living at all. Her love is African; her desires are like + the whirlwinds of the desert—the desert, whose torrid expanse is in + her eyes, the azure, love-laden desert, with its changeless skies, its + cool and starry nights. What a contrast to Clochegourde! the east and the + west! the one drawing into her every drop of moisture for her own + nourishment, the other exuding her soul, wrapping her dear ones in her + luminous atmosphere; the one quick and slender; the other slow and + massive. + </p> + <p> + Have you ever reflected on the actual meaning of the manners and customs + and morals of England? Is it not the deification of matter? a + well-defined, carefully considered Epicureanism, judiciously applied? No + matter what may be said against the statement, England is materialist,—possibly + she does not know it herself. She lays claim to religion and morality, + from which, however, divine spirituality, the catholic soul, is absent; + and its fructifying grace cannot be replaced by any counterfeit, however + well presented it may be. England possesses in the highest degree that + science of existence which turns to account every particle of materiality; + the science that makes her women’s slippers the most exquisite slippers in + the world, gives to their linen ineffable fragrance, lines their drawers + with cedar, serves tea carefully drawn, at a certain hour, banishes dust, + nails the carpets to the floors in every corner of the house, brushes the + cellar walls, polishes the knocker of the front door, oils the springs of + the carriage,—in short, makes matter a nutritive and downy pulp, + clean and shining, in the midst of which the soul expires of enjoyment and + the frightful monotony of comfort in a life without contrasts, deprived of + spontaneity, and which, to sum all in one word, makes a machine of you. + </p> + <p> + Thus I suddenly came to know, in the bosom of this British luxury, a woman + who is perhaps unique among her sex; who caught me in the nets of a love + excited by my indifference, and to the warmth of which I opposed a stern + continence,—one of those loves possessed of overwhelming charm, an + electricity of their own, which lead us to the skies through the ivory + gates of slumber, or bear us thither on their powerful pinions. A love + monstrously ungrateful, which laughs at the bodies of those it kills; love + without memory, a cruel love, resembling the policy of the English nation; + a love to which, alas, most men yield. You understand the problem? Man is + composed of matter and spirit; animality comes to its end in him, and the + angel begins in him. There lies the struggle we all pass through, between + the future destiny of which we are conscious and the influence of anterior + instincts from which we are not wholly detached,—carnal love and + divine love. One man combines them, another abstains altogether; some + there are who seek the satisfaction of their anterior appetites from the + whole sex; others idealize their love in one woman who is to them the + universe; some float irresolutely between the delights of matter and the + joys of soul, others spiritualize the body, requiring of it that which it + cannot give. + </p> + <p> + If, thinking over these leading characteristics of love, you take into + account the dislikes and the affinities which result from the diversity of + organisms, and which sooner or later break all ties between those who have + not fully tried each other; if you add to this the mistakes arising from + the hopes of those who live more particularly either by their minds, or by + their hearts, or by action, who either think, or feel, or act, and whose + tendency is misunderstood in the close association in which two persons, + equal counterparts, find themselves, you will have great indulgence for + sorrows to which the world is pitiless. Well, Lady Dudley gratified the + instincts, organs, appetites, the vices and virtues of the subtile matter + of which we are made; she was the mistress of the body; Madame de Mortsauf + was the wife of the soul. The love which the mistress satisfies has its + limits; matter is finite, its inherent qualities have an ascertained + force, it is capable of saturation; often I felt a void even in Paris, + near Lady Dudley. Infinitude is the region of the heart, love had no + limits at Clochegourde. I loved Lady Dudley passionately; and certainly, + though the animal in her was magnificent, she was also superior in mind; + her sparkling and satirical conversation had a wide range. But I adored + Henriette. At night I wept with happiness, in the morning with remorse. + </p> + <p> + Some women have the art to hide their jealousy under a tone of angelic + kindness; they are, like Lady Dudley, over thirty years of age. Such women + know how to feel and how to calculate; they press out the juices of to-day + and think of the future also; they can stifle a moan, often a natural one, + with the will of a huntsman who pays no heed to a wound in the ardor of + the chase. Without ever speaking of Madame de Mortsauf, Arabella + endeavored to kill her in my soul, where she ever found her, her own + passion increasing with the consciousness of that invincible love. + Intending to triumph by comparisons which would turn to her advantage, she + was never suspicious, or complaining, or inquisitive, as are most young + women; but, like a lioness who has seized her prey and carries it to her + lair to devour, she watched that nothing should disturb her feast, and + guarded me like a rebellious captive. I wrote to Henriette under her very + eyes, but she never read a line of my letters; she never sought in any way + to know to whom they were addressed. I had my liberty; she seemed to say + to herself, “If I lose him it shall be my own fault,” and she proudly + relied on a love that would have given me her life had I asked for it,—in + fact she often told me that if I left her she would kill herself. I have + heard her praise the custom of Indian widows who burn themselves upon + their husband’s grave. “In India that is a distinction reserved for the + higher classes,” she said, “and is very little understood by Europeans, + who are incapable of understanding the grandeur of the privilege; you must + admit, however, that on the dead level of our modern customs aristocracy + can rise to greatness only through unparalleled devotions. How can I prove + to the middle classes that the blood in my veins is not the same as + theirs, unless I show them that I can die as they cannot? Women of no + birth can have diamonds and satins and horses—even coats-of-arms, + which ought to be sacred to us, for any one can buy a name. But to love, + with our heads up, in defiance of law; to die for the idol we have chosen, + with the sheets of our bed for a shroud; to lay earth and heaven at his + feet, robbing the Almighty of his right to make a god, and never to betray + that man, never, never, even for virtue’s sake,—for, to refuse him + anything in the name of duty is to devote ourselves to something that is + not <i>he</i>, and let that something be a man or an idea, it is betrayal + all the same,—these are heights to which common women cannot attain; + they know but two matter-of-fact ways; the great high-road of virtue, or + the muddy path of the courtesan.” + </p> + <p> + Pride, you see, was her instrument; she flattered all vanities by deifying + them. She put me so high that she might live at my feet; in fact, the + seductions of her spirit were literally expressed by an attitude of + subserviency and her complete submission. In what words shall I describe + those first six months when I was lost in enervating enjoyments, in the + meshes of a love fertile in pleasures and knowing how to vary them with a + cleverness learned by long experience, yet hiding that knowledge beneath + the transports of passion. These pleasures, the sudden revelation of the + poetry of the senses, constitute the powerful tie which binds young men to + women older than they. It is the chain of the galley-slave; it leaves an + ineffaceable brand upon the soul, filling it with disgust for pure and + innocent love decked with flowers only, which serves no alcohol in + curiously chased cups inlaid with jewels and sparkling with unquenchable + fires. + </p> + <p> + Recalling my early dreams of pleasures I knew nothing of, expressed at + Clochegourde in my “selams,” the voice of my flowers, pleasures which the + union of souls renders all the more ardent, I found many sophistries by + which I excused to myself the delight with which I drained that jewelled + cup. Often, when, lost in infinite lassitude, my soul disengaged itself + from the body and floated far from earth, I thought that these pleasures + might be the means of abolishing matter and of rendering to the spirit its + power to soar. Sometimes Lady Dudley, like other women, profited by the + exaltation in which I was to bind me by promises; under the lash of a + desire she wrung blasphemies from my lips against the angel at + Clochegourde. Once a traitor I became a scoundrel. I continued to write to + Madame de Mortsauf, in the tone of the lad she had first known in his + strange blue coat; but, I admit it, her gift of second-sight terrified me + when I thought what ruin the indiscretion of a word might bring to the + dear castle of my hopes. Often, in the midst of my pleasure a sudden + horror seized me; I heard the name of Henriette uttered by a voice above + me, like that in the Scriptures, demanding: “Cain, where is thy brother + Abel?” + </p> + <p> + At last my letters remained unanswered. I was seized with horrible anxiety + and wished to leave for Clochegourde. Arabella did not oppose it, but she + talked of accompanying me to Touraine. Her woman’s wit told her that the + journey might be a means of finally detaching me from her rival; while I, + blind with fear and guilelessly unsuspicious, did not see the trap she set + for me. Lady Dudley herself proposed the humblest concessions. She would + stay near Tours, at a little country-place, alone, disguised; she would + refrain from going out in the day-time, and only meet me in the evening + when people were not likely to be about. I left Tours on horseback. I had + my reasons for this; my evening excursions to meet her would require a + horse, and mine was an Arab which Lady Hester Stanhope had sent to the + marchioness, and which she had lately exchanged with me for that famous + picture of Rembrandt which I obtained in so singular a way, and which now + hangs in her drawing-room in London. I took the road I had traversed on + foot six years earlier and stopped beneath my walnut-tree. From there I + saw Madame de Mortsauf in a white dress standing at the edge of the + terrace. Instantly I rode towards her with the speed of lightning, in a + straight line and across country. She heard the stride of the swallow of + the desert and when I pulled him up suddenly at the terrace, she said to + me: “Oh, you here!” + </p> + <p> + Those three words blasted me. She knew my treachery. Who had told her? her + mother, whose hateful letter she afterwards showed me. The feeble, + indifferent voice, once so full of life, the dull pallor of its tones + revealed a settled grief, exhaling the breath of flowers cut and left to + wither. The tempest of infidelity, like those freshets of the Loire which + bury the meadows for all time in sand, had torn its way through her soul, + leaving a desert where once the verdure clothed the fields. I led my horse + through the little gate; he lay down on the grass at my command and the + countess, who came forward slowly, exclaimed, “What a fine animal!” She + stood with folded arms lest I should try to take her hand; I guessed her + meaning. + </p> + <p> + “I will let Monsieur de Mortsauf know you are here,” she said, leaving me. + </p> + <p> + I stood still, confounded, letting her go, watching her, always noble, + slow, and proud,—whiter than I had ever seen her; on her brow the + yellow imprint of bitterest melancholy, her head bent like a lily heavy + with rain. + </p> + <p> + “Henriette!” I cried in the agony of a man about to die. + </p> + <p> + She did not turn or pause; she disdained to say that she withdrew from me + that name, but she did not answer to it and continued on. I may feel + paltry and small in this dreadful vale of life where myriads of human + beings now dust make the surface of the globe, small indeed among that + crowd, hurrying beneath the luminous spaces which light them; but what + sense of humiliation could equal that with which I watched her calm white + figure inflexibly mounting with even steps the terraces of her chateau of + Clochegourde, the pride and the torture of that Christian Dido? I cursed + Arabella in a single imprecation which might have killed her had she heard + it, she who had left all for me as some leave all for God. I remained lost + in a world of thought, conscious of utter misery on all sides. Presently I + saw the whole family coming down; Jacques, running with the eagerness of + his age. Madeleine, a gazelle with mournful eyes, walked with her mother. + Monsieur de Mortsauf came to me with open arms, pressed me to him and + kissed me on both cheeks crying out, “Felix, I know now that I owed you my + life.” + </p> + <p> + Madame de Mortsauf stood with her back towards me during this little + scene, under pretext of showing the horse to Madeleine. + </p> + <p> + “Ha, the devil! that’s what women are,” cried the count; “admiring your + horse!” + </p> + <p> + Madeleine turned, came up to me, and I kissed her hand, looking at the + countess, who colored. + </p> + <p> + “Madeleine seems much better,” I said. + </p> + <p> + “Poor little girl!” said the countess, kissing her on her forehead. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, for the time being they are all well,” answered the count. “Except + me, Felix; I am as battered as an old tower about to fall.” + </p> + <p> + “The general is still depressed,” I remarked to Madame de Mortsauf. + </p> + <p> + “We all have our blue devils—is not that the English term?” she + replied. + </p> + <p> + The whole party walked on towards the vineyard with the feeling that some + serious event had happened. She had no wish to be alone with me. Still, I + was her guest. + </p> + <p> + “But about your horse? why isn’t he attended to?” said the count. + </p> + <p> + “You see I am wrong if I think of him, and wrong if I do not,” remarked + the countess. + </p> + <p> + “Well, yes,” said her husband; “there is a time to do things, and a time + not to do them.” + </p> + <p> + “I will attend to him,” I said, finding this sort of greeting intolerable. + “No one but myself can put him into his stall; my groom is coming by the + coach from Chinon; he will rub him down.” + </p> + <p> + “I suppose your groom is from England,” she said. + </p> + <p> + “That is where they all come from,” remarked the count, who grew cheerful + in proportion as his wife seemed depressed. Her coldness gave him an + opportunity to oppose her, and he overwhelmed me with friendliness. + </p> + <p> + “My dear Felix,” he said, taking my hand, and pressing it affectionately, + “pray forgive Madame de Mortsauf; women are so whimsical. But it is owing + to their weakness; they cannot have the evenness of temper we owe to our + strength of character. She really loves you, I know it; only—” + </p> + <p> + While the count was speaking Madame de Mortsauf gradually moved away from + us so as to leave us alone. + </p> + <p> + “Felix,” said the count, in a low voice, looking at his wife, who was now + going up to the house with her two children, “I don’t know what is going + on in Madame de Mortsauf’s mind, but for the last six weeks her + disposition has completely changed. She, so gentle, so devoted hitherto, + is now extraordinarily peevish.” + </p> + <p> + Manette told me later that the countess had fallen into a state of + depression which made her indifferent to the count’s provocations. No + longer finding a soft substance in which he could plant his arrows, the + man became as uneasy as a child when the poor insect it is tormenting + ceases to move. He now needed a confidant, as the hangman needs a helper. + </p> + <p> + “Try to question Madame de Mortsauf,” he said after a pause, “and find out + what is the matter. A woman always has secrets from her husband; but + perhaps she will tell you what troubles her. I would sacrifice everything + to make her happy, even to half my remaining days or half my fortune. She + is necessary to my very life. If I have not that angel at my side as I + grow old I shall be the most wretched of men. I do desire to die easy. + Tell her I shall not be here long to trouble her. Yes, Felix, my poor + friend, I am going fast, I know it. I hide the fatal truth from every one; + why should I worry them beforehand? The trouble is in the orifice of the + stomach, my friend. I have at last discovered the true cause of this + disease; it is my sensibility that is killing me. Indeed, all our feelings + affect the gastric centre.” + </p> + <p> + “Then do you mean,” I said, smiling, “that the best-hearted people die of + their stomachs?” + </p> + <p> + “Don’t laugh, Felix; nothing is more absolutely true. Too keen a + sensibility increases the play of the sympathetic nerve; these excitements + of feeling keep the mucous membrane of the stomach in a state of constant + irritation. If this state continues it deranges, at first insensibly, the + digestive functions; the secretions change, the appetite is impaired, and + the digestion becomes capricious; sharp pains are felt; they grow worse + day by day, and more frequent; then the disorder comes to a crisis, as if + a slow poison were passing the alimentary canal; the mucous membrane + thickens, the valve of the pylorus becomes indurated and forms a scirrhus, + of which the patient dies. Well, I have reached that point, my dear + friend. The induration is proceeding and nothing checks it. Just look at + my yellow skin, my feverish eyes, my excessive thinness. I am withering + away. But what is to be done? I brought the seeds of the disease home with + me from the emigration; heaven knows what I suffered then! My marriage, + which might have repaired the wrong, far from soothing my ulcerated mind + increased the wound. What did I find? ceaseless fears for the children, + domestic jars, a fortune to remake, economies which required great + privations, which I was obliged to impose upon my wife, but which I was + the one to suffer from; and then,—I can tell this to none but you, + Felix,—I have a worse trouble yet. Though Blanche is an angel, she + does not understand me; she knows nothing of my sufferings and she + aggravates them; but I forgive her. It is a dreadful thing to say, my + friend, but a less virtuous woman might have made me more happy by lending + herself to consolations which Blanche never thinks of, for she is as silly + as a child. Moreover my servants torment me; blockheads who take my French + for Greek! When our fortune was finally remade inch by inch, and I had + some relief from care, it was too late, the harm was done; I had reached + the period when the appetite is vitiated. Then came my severe illness, so + ill-managed by Origet. In short, I have not six months to live.” + </p> + <p> + I listened to the count in terror. On meeting the countess I had been + struck with her yellow skin and the feverish brilliancy of her eyes. I led + the count towards the house while seeming to listen to his complaints and + his medical dissertations; but my thoughts were all with Henriette, and I + wanted to observe her. We found her in the salon, where she was listening + to a lesson in mathematics which the Abbe Dominis was giving Jacques, and + at the same time showing Madeleine a stitch of embroidery. Formerly she + would have laid aside every occupation the day of my arrival to be with + me. But my love was so deeply real that I drove back into my heart the + grief I felt at this contrast between the past and the present, and + thought only of the fatal yellow tint on that celestial face, which + resembled the halo of divine light Italian painters put around the faces + of their saints. I felt the icy wind of death pass over me. Then when the + fire of her eyes, no longer softened by the liquid light in which in + former times they moved, fell upon me, I shuddered; I noticed several + changes, caused by grief, which I had not seen in the open air. The + slender lines which, at my last visit, were so lightly marked upon her + forehead had deepened; her temples with their violet veins seemed burning + and concave; her eyes were sunk beneath the brows, their circles browned;—alas! + she was discolored like a fruit when decay is beginning to show upon the + surface, or a worm is at the core. I, whose whole ambition had been to + pour happiness into her soul, I it was who embittered the spring from + which she had hoped to refresh her life and renew her courage. I took a + seat beside her and said in a voice filled with tears of repentance, “Are + you satisfied with your own health?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” she answered, plunging her eyes into mine. “My health is there,” + she added, motioning to Jacques and Madeleine. + </p> + <p> + The latter, just fifteen, had come victoriously out of her struggle with + anaemia, and was now a woman. She had grown tall; the Bengal roses were + blooming in her once sallow cheeks. She had lost the unconcern of a child + who looks every one in the face, and now dropped her eyes; her movements + were slow and infrequent, like those of her mother; her figure was slim, + but the gracefulness of the bust was already developing; already an + instinct of coquetry had smoothed the magnificent black hair which lay in + bands upon her Spanish brow. She was like those pretty statuettes of the + Middle Ages, so delicate in outline, so slender in form that the eye as it + seizes their charm fears to break them. Health, the fruit of untold + efforts, had made her cheeks as velvety as a peach and given to her throat + the silken down which, like her mother’s, caught the light. She was to + live! God had written it, dear bud of the loveliest of human flowers, on + the long lashes of her eyelids, on the curve of those shoulders which gave + promise of a development as superb as her mother’s! This brown young girl, + erect as a poplar, contrasted with Jacques, a fragile youth of seventeen, + whose head had grown immensely, causing anxiety by the rapid expansion of + the forehead, while his feverish, weary eyes were in keeping with a voice + that was deep and sonorous. The voice gave forth too strong a volume of + tone, the eye too many thoughts. It was Henriette’s intellect and soul and + heart that were here devouring with swift flames a body without stamina; + for Jacques had the milk-white skin and high color which characterize + young English women doomed sooner or later to the consumptive curse,—an + appearance of health that deceives the eye. Following a sign by which + Henriette, after showing me Madeleine, made me look at Jacques drawing + geometrical figures and algebraic calculations on a board before the Abbe + Dominis, I shivered at the sight of death hidden beneath the roses, and + was thankful for the self-deception of his mother. + </p> + <p> + “When I see my children thus, happiness stills my griefs—just as + those griefs are dumb, and even disappear, when I see them failing. My + friend,” she said, her eyes shining with maternal pleasure, “if other + affections fail us, the feelings rewarded here, the duties done and + crowned with success, are compensation enough for defeat elsewhere. + Jacques will be, like you, a man of the highest education, possessed of + the worthiest knowledge; he will be, like you, an honor to his country, + which he may assist in governing, helped by you, whose standing will be so + high; but I will strive to make him faithful to his first affections. + Madeleine, dear creature, has a noble heart; she is pure as the snows on + the highest Alps; she will have a woman’s devotion and a woman’s graceful + intellect. She is proud; she is worthy of being a Lenoncourt. My + motherhood, once so tried, so tortured, is happy now, happy with an + infinite happiness, unmixed with pain. Yes, my life is full, my life is + rich. You see, God makes my joy to blossom in the heart of these + sanctified affections, and turns to bitterness those that might have led + me astray—” + </p> + <p> + “Good!” cried the abbe, joyfully. “Monsieur le vicomte begins to know as + much as I—” + </p> + <p> + Just then Jacques coughed. + </p> + <p> + “Enough for to-day, my dear abbe,” said the countess, “above all, no + chemistry. Go for a ride on horseback, Jacques,” she added, letting her + son kiss her with the tender and yet dignified pleasure of a mother. “Go, + dear, but take care of yourself.” + </p> + <p> + “But,” I said, as her eyes followed Jacques with a lingering look, “you + have not answered me. Do you feel ill?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, sometimes, in my stomach. If I were in Paris I should have the honors + of gastritis, the fashionable disease.” + </p> + <p> + “My mother suffers very much and very often,” said Madeleine. + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” she said, “does my health interest you?” + </p> + <p> + Madeleine, astonished at the irony of these words, looked from one to the + other; my eyes counted the roses on the cushion of the gray and green sofa + which was in the salon. + </p> + <p> + “This situation is intolerable,” I whispered in her ear. + </p> + <p> + “Did I create it?” she asked. “Dear child,” she said aloud, with one of + those cruel levities by which women point their vengeance, “don’t you read + history? France and England are enemies, and ever have been. Madeleine + knows that; she knows that a broad sea, and a cold and stormy one, + separates them.” + </p> + <p> + The vases on the mantelshelf had given place to candelabra, no doubt to + deprive me of the pleasure of filling them with flowers; I found them + later in my own room. When my servant arrived I went out to give him some + orders; he had brought me certain things I wished to place in my room. + </p> + <p> + “Felix,” said the countess, “do not make a mistake. My aunt’s old room is + now Madeleine’s. Yours is over the count’s.” + </p> + <p> + Though guilty, I had a heart; those words were dagger thrusts coldly given + at its tenderest spot, for which she seemed to aim. Moral sufferings are + not fixed quantities; they depend on the sensitiveness of souls. The + countess had trod each round of the ladder of pain; but, for that very + reason, the kindest of women was now as cruel as she was once beneficent. + I looked at Henriette, but she averted her head. I went to my new room, + which was pretty, white and green. Once there I burst into tears. + Henriette heard me as she entered with a bunch of flowers in her hand. + </p> + <p> + “Henriette,” I said, “will you never forgive a wrong that is indeed + excusable?” + </p> + <p> + “Do not call me Henriette,” she said. “She no longer exists, poor soul; + but you may feel sure of Madame de Mortsauf, a devoted friend, who will + listen to you and who will love you. Felix, we will talk of these things + later. If you have still any tenderness for me let me grow accustomed to + seeing you. Whenever words will not rend my heart, if the day should ever + come when I recover courage, I will speak to you, but not till then. Look + at the valley,” she said, pointing to the Indre, “it hurts me, I love it + still.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah, perish England and all her women! I will send my resignation to the + king; I will live and die here, pardoned.” + </p> + <p> + “No, love her; love that woman! Henriette is not. This is no play, and you + should know it.” + </p> + <p> + She left the room, betraying by the tone of her last words the extent of + her wounds. I ran after her and held her back, saying, “Do you no longer + love me?” + </p> + <p> + “You have done me more harm than all my other troubles put together. + To-day I suffer less, therefore I love you less. Be kind; do not increase + my pain; if you suffer, remember that—I—live.” + </p> + <p> + She withdrew her hand, which I held, cold, motionless, but moist, in mine, + and darted like an arrow through the corridor in which this scene of + actual tragedy took place. + </p> + <p> + At dinner, the count subjected me to a torture I had little expected. “So + the Marchioness of Dudley is not in Paris?” he said. + </p> + <p> + I blushed excessively, but answered, “No.” + </p> + <p> + “She is not in Tours,” continued the count. + </p> + <p> + “She is not divorced, and she can go back to England. Her husband would be + very glad if she would return to him,” I said, eagerly. + </p> + <p> + “Has she children?” asked Madame de Mortsauf, in a changed voice. + </p> + <p> + “Two sons,” I replied. + </p> + <p> + “Where are they?” + </p> + <p> + “In England, with their father.” + </p> + <p> + “Come, Felix,” interposed the count; “be frank; is she as handsome as they + say?” + </p> + <p> + “How can you ask him such a question?” cried the countess. “Is not the + woman you love always the handsomest of women?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, always,” I said, firmly, with a glance which she could not sustain. + </p> + <p> + “You are a happy fellow,” said the count; “yes, a very happy one. Ha! in + my young days, I should have gone mad over such a conquest—” + </p> + <p> + “Hush!” said Madame de Mortsauf, reminding the count of Madeleine by a + look. + </p> + <p> + “I am not a child,” he said. + </p> + <p> + When we left the table I followed the countess to the terrace. When we + were alone she exclaimed, “How is it possible that some women can + sacrifice their children to a man? Wealth, position, the world, I can + conceive of; eternity? yes, possibly; but children! deprive one’s self of + one’s children!” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, and such women would give even more if they had it; they sacrifice + everything.” + </p> + <p> + The world was suddenly reversed before her, her ideas became confused. The + grandeur of that thought struck her; a suspicion entered her mind that + sacrifice, immolation justified happiness; the echo of her own inward cry + for love came back to her; she stood dumb in presence of her wasted life. + Yes, for a moment horrible doubts possessed her; then she rose, grand and + saintly, her head erect. + </p> + <p> + “Love her well, Felix,” she said, with tears in her eyes; “she shall be my + happy sister. I will forgive her the harm she has done me if she gives you + what you could not have here. You are right; I have never told you that I + loved you, and I never have loved you as the world loves. But if she is a + mother how can she love you so?” + </p> + <p> + “Dear saint,” I answered, “I must be less moved than I am now, before I + can explain to you how it is that you soar victoriously above her. She is + a woman of earth, the daughter of decaying races; you are the child of + heaven, an angel worthy of worship; you have my heart, she my flesh only. + She knows this and it fills her with despair; she would change parts with + you even though the cruellest martyrdom were the price of the change. But + all is irremediable. To you the soul, to you the thoughts, the love that + is pure, to you youth and old age; to her the desires and joys of passing + passion; to you remembrance forever, to her oblivion—” + </p> + <p> + “Tell me, tell me that again, oh, my friend!” she turned to a bench and + sat down, bursting into tears. “If that be so, Felix, virtue, purity of + life, a mother’s love, are not mistakes. Oh, pour that balm upon my + wounds! Repeat the words which bear me back to heaven, where once I longed + to rise with you. Bless me by a look, by a sacred word,—I forgive + you for the sufferings you have caused me the last two months.” + </p> + <p> + “Henriette, there are mysteries in the life of men of which you know + nothing. I met you at an age when the feelings of the heart stifle the + desires implanted in our nature; but many scenes, the memory of which will + kindle my soul to the hour of death, must have told you that this age was + drawing to a close, and it was your constant triumph still to prolong its + mute delights. A love without possession is maintained by the exasperation + of desire; but there comes a moment when all is suffering within us—for + in this we have no resemblance to you. We possess a power we cannot + abdicate, or we cease to be men. Deprived of the nourishment it needs, the + heart feeds upon itself, feeling an exhaustion which is not death, but + which precedes it. Nature cannot long be silenced; some trifling accident + awakens it to a violence that seems like madness. No, I have not loved, + but I have thirsted in the desert.” + </p> + <p> + “The desert!” she said bitterly, pointing to the valley. “Ah!” she + exclaimed, “how he reasons! what subtle distinctions! Faithful hearts are + not so learned.” + </p> + <p> + “Henriette,” I said, “do not quarrel with me for a chance expression. No, + my soul has not vacillated, but I have not been master of my senses. That + woman is not ignorant that you are the only one I ever loved. She plays a + secondary part in my life; she knows it and is resigned. I have the right + to leave her as men leave courtesans.” + </p> + <p> + “And then?” + </p> + <p> + “She tells me that she will kill herself,” I answered, thinking that this + resolve would startle Henriette. But when she heard it a disdainful smile, + more expressive than the thoughts it conveyed, flickered on her lips. “My + dear conscience,” I continued, “if you would take into account my + resistance and the seductions that led to my fall you would understand the + fatal—” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, fatal!” she cried. “I believed in you too much. I believed you + capable of the virtue a priest practises. All is over,” she continued, + after a pause. “I owe you much, my friend; you have extinguished in me the + fires of earthly life. The worst of the way is over; age is coming on. I + am ailing now, soon I may be ill; I can never be the brilliant fairy who + showers you with favors. Be faithful to Lady Dudley. Madeleine, whom I was + training to be yours, ah! who will have her now? Poor Madeleine, poor + Madeleine!” she repeated, like the mournful burden of a song. “I would you + had heard her say to me when you came: ‘Mother, you are not kind to + Felix!’ Dear creature!” + </p> + <p> + She looked at me in the warm rays of the setting sun as they glided + through the foliage. Seized with compassion for the shipwreck of our lives + she turned back to memories of our pure past, yielding to meditations + which were mutual. We were silent, recalling past scenes; our eyes went + from the valley to the fields, from the windows of Clochegourde to those + of Frapesle, peopling the dream with my bouquets, the fragrant language of + our desires. It was her last hour of pleasure, enjoyed with the purity of + her Catholic soul. This scene, so grand to each of us, cast its melancholy + on both. She believed my words, and saw where I placed her—in the + skies. + </p> + <p> + “My friend,” she said, “I obey God, for his hand is in all this.” + </p> + <p> + I did not know until much later the deep meaning of her words. We slowly + returned up the terraces. She took my arm and leaned upon it resignedly, + bleeding still, but with a bandage on her wound. + </p> + <p> + “Human life is thus,” she said. “What had Monsieur de Mortsauf done to + deserve his fate? It proves the existence of a better world. Alas, for + those who walk in happier ways!” + </p> + <p> + She went on, estimating life so truly, considering its diverse aspects so + profoundly that these cold judgments revealed to me the disgust that had + come upon her for all things here below. When we reached the portico she + dropped my arm and said these last words: “If God has given us the + sentiment and the desire for happiness ought he not to take charge himself + of innocent souls who have found sorrow only in this low world? Either + that must be so, or God is not, and our life is no more than a cruel + jest.” + </p> + <p> + She entered and turned the house quickly; I found her on the sofa, + crouching, as though blasted by the voice which flung Saul to the ground. + </p> + <p> + “What is the matter?” I asked. + </p> + <p> + “I no longer know what is virtue,” she replied; “I have no consciousness + of my own.” + </p> + <p> + We were silent, petrified, listening to the echo of those words which fell + like a stone cast into a gulf. + </p> + <p> + “If I am mistaken in my life <i>she</i> is right in <i>hers</i>,” + Henriette said at last. + </p> + <p> + Thus her last struggle followed her last happiness. When the count came in + she complained of illness, she who never complained. I conjured her to + tell me exactly where she suffered; but she refused to explain and went to + bed, leaving me a prey to unending remorse. Madeleine went with her + mother, and the next day I heard that the countess had been seized with + nausea, caused, she said, by the violent excitements of that day. Thus I, + who longed to give my life for hers, I was killing her. + </p> + <p> + “Dear count,” I said to Monsieur de Mortsauf, who obliged me to play + backgammon, “I think the countess very seriously ill. There is still time + to save her; pray send for Origet, and persuade her to follow his advice.” + </p> + <p> + “Origet, who half killed me?” cried the count. “No, no; I’ll consult + Carbonneau.” + </p> + <p> + During this week, especially the first days of it, everything was anguish + to me—the beginning of paralysis of the heart—my vanity was + mortified, my soul rent. One must needs have been the centre of all looks + and aspirations, the mainspring of the life about him, the torch from + which all others drew their light, to understand the horror of the void + that was now about me. All things were there, the same, but the spirit + that gave life to them was extinct, like a blown-out flame. I now + understood the desperate desire of lovers never to see each other again + when love has flown. To be nothing where we were once so much! To find the + chilling silence of the grave where life so lately sparkled! Such + comparisons are overwhelming. I came at last to envy the dismal ignorance + of all happiness which had darkened my youth. My despair became so great + that the countess, I thought, felt pity for it. One day after dinner as we + were walking on the meadows beside the river I made a last effort to + obtain forgiveness. I told Jacques to go on with his sister, and leaving + the count to walk alone, I took Henriette to the punt. + </p> + <p> + “Henriette,” I said; “one word of forgiveness, or I fling myself into the + Indre! I have sinned,—yes, it is true; but am I not like a dog in + his faithful attachments? I return like him, like him ashamed. If he does + wrong he is struck, but he loves the hand that strikes him; strike me, + bruise me, but give me back your heart.” + </p> + <p> + “Poor child,” she said, “are you not always my son?” + </p> + <p> + She took my arm and silently rejoined her children, with whom she returned + to Clochegourde, leaving me to the count, who began to talk politics + apropos of his neighbors. + </p> + <p> + “Let us go in,” I said; “you are bare-headed, and the dew may do you an + injury.” + </p> + <p> + “You pity me, my dear Felix,” he answered; “you understand me, but my wife + never tries to comfort me,—on principle, perhaps.” + </p> + <p> + Never would she have left me to walk home with her husband; it was now I + who had to find excuses to join her. I found her with her children, + explaining the rules of backgammon to Jacques. + </p> + <p> + “See there,” said the count, who was always jealous of the affection she + showed for her children; “it is for them that I am neglected. Husbands, my + dear Felix, are always suppressed. The most virtuous woman in the world + has ways of satisfying her desire to rob conjugal affection.” + </p> + <p> + She said nothing and continued as before. + </p> + <p> + “Jacques,” he said, “come here.” + </p> + <p> + Jacques objected slightly. + </p> + <p> + “Your father wants you; go at once, my son,” said his mother, pushing him. + </p> + <p> + “They love me by order,” said the old man, who sometimes perceived his + situation. + </p> + <p> + “Monsieur,” she answered, passing her hand over Madeleine’s smooth + tresses, which were dressed that day “a la belle Ferronniere”; “do not be + unjust to us poor women; life is not so easy for us to bear. Perhaps the + children are the virtues of a mother.” + </p> + <p> + “My dear,” said the count, who took it into his head to be logical, “what + you say signifies that women who have no children would have no virtue, + and would leave their husbands in the lurch.” + </p> + <p> + The countess rose hastily and took Madeleine to the portico. + </p> + <p> + “That’s marriage, my dear fellow,” remarked the count to me. “Do you mean + to imply by going off in that manner that I am talking nonsense?” he cried + to his wife, taking his son by the hand and going to the portico after her + with a furious look in his eyes. + </p> + <p> + “On the contrary, Monsieur, you frightened me. Your words hurt me + cruelly,” she added, in a hollow voice. “If virtue does not consist in + sacrificing everything to our children and our husband, what is virtue?” + </p> + <p> + “Sac-ri-ficing!” cried the count, making each syllable the blow of a + sledge-hammer on the heart of his victim. “What have you sacrificed to + your children? What do you sacrifice to me? Speak! what means all this? + Answer. What is going on here? What did you mean by what you said?” + </p> + <p> + “Monsieur,” she replied, “would you be satisfied to be loved for love of + God, or to know your wife virtuous for virtue’s sake?” + </p> + <p> + “Madame is right,” I said, interposing in a shaken voice which vibrated in + two hearts; “yes, the noblest privilege conferred by reason is to + attribute our virtues to the beings whose happiness is our work, and whom + we render happy, not from policy, nor from duty, but from an inexhaustible + and voluntary affection—” + </p> + <p> + A tear shone in Henriette’s eyes. + </p> + <p> + “And, dear count,” I continued, “if by chance a woman is involuntarily + subjected to feelings other than those society imposes on her, you must + admit that the more irresistible that feeling is, the more virtuous she is + in smothering it, in sacrificing herself to her husband and children. This + theory is not applicable to me who unfortunately show an example to the + contrary, nor to you whom it will never concern.” + </p> + <p> + “You have a noble soul, Felix,” said the count, slipping his arm, not + ungracefully, round his wife’s waist and drawing her towards him to say: + “Forgive a poor sick man, dear, who wants to be loved more than he + deserves.” + </p> + <p> + “There are some hearts that are all generosity,” she said, resting her + head upon his shoulder. The scene made her tremble to such a degree that + her comb fell, her hair rolled down, and she turned pale. The count, + holding her up, gave a sort of groan as he felt her fainting; he caught + her in his arms as he might a child, and carried her to the sofa in the + salon, where we all surrounded her. Henriette held my hand in hers as if + to tell me that we two alone knew the secret of that scene, so simple in + itself, so heart-rending to her. + </p> + <p> + “I do wrong,” she said to me in a low voice, when the count left the room + to fetch a glass of orange-flower water. “I have many wrongs to repent of + towards you; I wished to fill you with despair when I ought to have + received you mercifully. Dear, you are kindness itself, and I alone can + appreciate it. Yes, I know there is a kindness prompted by passion. Men + have various ways of being kind; some from contempt, others from impulse, + from calculation, through indolence of nature; but you, my friend, you + have been absolutely kind.” + </p> + <p> + “If that be so,” I replied, “remember that all that is good or great in me + comes through you. You know well that I am of your making.” + </p> + <p> + “That word is enough for any woman’s happiness,” she said, as the count + re-entered the room. “I feel better,” she said, rising; “I want air.” + </p> + <p> + We went down to the terrace, fragrant with the acacias which were still in + bloom. She had taken my right arm, and pressed it against her heart, thus + expressing her sad thoughts; but they were, she said, of a sadness dear to + her. No doubt she would gladly have been alone with me; but her + imagination, inexpert in women’s wiles, did not suggest to her any way of + sending her children and the count back to the house. We therefore talked + on indifferent subjects, while she pondered a means of pouring a few last + thoughts from her heart to mine. + </p> + <p> + “It is a long time since I have driven out,” she said, looking at the + beauty of the evening. “Monsieur, will you please order the carriage that + I may take a turn?” + </p> + <p> + She knew that after evening prayer she could not speak with me, for the + count was sure to want his backgammon. She might have returned to the warm + and fragrant terrace after her husband had gone to bed, but she feared, + perhaps, to trust herself beneath those shadows, or to walk by the + balustrade where our eyes could see the course of the Indre through the + dear valley. As the silent and sombre vaults of a cathedral lift the soul + to prayer, so leafy ways, lighted by the moon, perfumed with penetrating + odors, alive with the murmuring noises of the spring-tide, stir the fibres + and weaken the resolves of those who love. The country calms the old, but + excites the young. We knew it well. Two strokes of the bell announced the + hour of prayer. The countess shivered. + </p> + <p> + “Dear Henriette, are you ill?” + </p> + <p> + “There is no Henriette,” she said. “Do not bring her back. She was + capricious and exacting; now you have a friend whose courage has been + strengthened by the words which heaven itself dictated to you. We will + talk of this later. We must be punctual at prayers, for it is my day to + lead them.” + </p> + <p> + As Madame de Mortsauf said the words in which she begged the help of God + through all the adversities of life, a tone came into her voice which + struck all present. Did she use her gift of second sight to foresee the + terrible emotion she was about to endure through my forgetfulness of an + engagement made with Arabella? + </p> + <p> + “We have time to make three kings before the horses are harnessed,” said + the count, dragging me back to the salon. “You can go and drive with my + wife, and I’ll go to bed.” + </p> + <p> + The game was stormy, like all others. The countess heard the count’s voice + either from her room or from Madeleine’s. + </p> + <p> + “You show a strange hospitality,” she said, re-entering the salon. + </p> + <p> + I looked at her with amazement; I could not get accustomed to the change + in her; formerly she would have been most careful not to protect me + against the count; then it gladdened her that I should share her + sufferings and bear them with patience for love of her. + </p> + <p> + “I would give my life,” I whispered in her ear, “if I could hear you say + again, as you once said, ‘Poor dear, poor dear!’” + </p> + <p> + She lowered her eyes, remembering the moment to which I alluded, yet her + glance turned to me beneath her eyelids, expressing the joy of a woman who + finds the mere passing tones from her heart preferred to the delights of + another love. The count was losing the game; he said he was tired, as an + excuse to give it up, and we went to walk on the lawn while waiting for + the carriage. When the count left us, such pleasure shone on my face that + Madame de Mortsauf questioned me by a look of surprise and curiosity. + </p> + <p> + “Henriette does exist,” I said. “You love me still. You wound me with an + evident intention to break my heart. I may yet be happy!” + </p> + <p> + “There was but a fragment of that poor woman left, and you have now + destroyed even that,” she said. “God be praised; he gives me strength to + bear my righteous martyrdom. Yes, I still love you, and I might have + erred; the English woman shows me the abyss.” + </p> + <p> + We got into the carriage and the coachman asked for orders. + </p> + <p> + “Take the road to Chinon by the avenue, and come back by the Charlemagne + moor and the road to Sache.” + </p> + <p> + “What day is it?” I asked, with too much eagerness. + </p> + <p> + “Saturday.” + </p> + <p> + “Then don’t go that way, madame, the road will be crowded with poultry-men + and their carts returning from Tours.” + </p> + <p> + “Do as I told you,” she said to the coachman. We knew the tones of our + voices too well to be able to hide from each other our least emotion. + Henriette understood all. + </p> + <p> + “You did not think of the poultry-men when you appointed this evening,” + she said with a tinge of irony. “Lady Dudley is at Tours, and she is + coming here to meet you; do not deny it. ‘What day is it?—the + poultry-men—their carts!’ Did you ever take notice of such things in + our old drives?” + </p> + <p> + “It only shows that at Clochegourde I forget everything,” I answered, + simply. + </p> + <p> + “She is coming to meet you?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes.” + </p> + <p> + “At what hour?” + </p> + <p> + “Half-past eleven.” + </p> + <p> + “Where?” + </p> + <p> + “On the moor.” + </p> + <p> + “Do not deceive me; is it not at the walnut-tree?” + </p> + <p> + “On the moor.” + </p> + <p> + “We will go there,” she said, “and I shall see her.” + </p> + <p> + When I heard these words I regarded my future life as settled. I at once + resolved to marry Lady Dudley and put an end to the miserable struggle + which threatened to exhaust my sensibilities and destroy by these repeated + shocks the delicate delights which had hitherto resembled the flower of + fruits. My sullen silence wounded the countess, the grandeur of whose mind + I misjudged. + </p> + <p> + “Do not be angry with me,” she said, in her golden voice. “This, dear, is + my punishment. You can never be loved as you are here,” she continued, + laying my hand upon her heart. “I now confess it; but Lady Dudley has + saved me. To her the stains,—I do not envy them,—to me the + glorious love of angels! I have traversed vast tracts of thought since you + returned here. I have judged life. Lift up the soul and you rend it; the + higher we go the less sympathy we meet; instead of suffering in the + valley, we suffer in the skies, as the soaring eagle bears in his heart + the arrow of some common herdsman. I comprehend at last that earth and + heaven are incompatible. Yes, to those who would live in the celestial + sphere God must be all in all. We must love our friends as we love our + children,—for them, not for ourselves. Self is the cause of misery + and grief. My soul is capable of soaring higher than the eagle; there is a + love which cannot fail me. But to live for this earthly life is too + debasing,—here the selfishness of the senses reigns supreme over the + spirituality of the angel that is within us. The pleasures of passion are + stormy, followed by enervating anxieties which impair the vigor of the + soul. I came to the shores of the sea where such tempests rage; I have + seen them too near; they have wrapped me in their clouds; the billows did + not break at my feet, they caught me in a rough embrace which chilled my + heart. No! I must escape to higher regions; I should perish on the shores + of this vast sea. I see in you, as in all others who have grieved me, the + guardian of my virtue. My life has been mingled with anguish, fortunately + proportioned to my strength; it has thus been kept free from evil + passions, from seductive peace, and ever near to God. Our attachment was + the mistaken attempt, the innocent effort of two children striving to + satisfy their own hearts, God, and men—folly, Felix! Ah,” she said + quickly, “what does that woman call you?” + </p> + <p> + “‘Amedee,’” I answered, “‘Felix’ is a being apart, who belongs to none but + you.” + </p> + <p> + “‘Henriette’ is slow to die,” she said, with a gentle smile, “but die she + will at the first effort of the humble Christian, the self-respecting + mother; she whose virtue tottered yesterday and is firm to-day. What may I + say to you? This. My life has been, and is, consistent with itself in all + its circumstances, great and small. The heart to which the rootlets of my + first affection should have clung, my mother’s heart, was closed to me, in + spite of my persistence in seeking a cleft through which they might have + slipped. I was a girl; I came after the death of three boys; and I vainly + strove to take their place in the hearts of my parents; the wound I gave + to the family pride was never healed. When my gloomy childhood was over + and I knew my aunt, death took her from me all too soon. Monsieur de + Mortsauf, to whom I vowed myself, has repeatedly, nay without respite, + smitten me, not being himself aware of it, poor man! His love has the + simple-minded egotism our children show to us. He has no conception of the + harm he does me, and he is heartily forgiven for it. My children, those + dear children who are bound to my flesh through their sufferings, to my + soul by their characters, to my nature by their innocent happiness,—those + children were surely given to show me how much strength and patience a + mother’s breast contains. Yes, my children are my virtues. You know how my + heart has been harrowed for them, by them, in spite of them. To be a + mother was, for me, to buy the right to suffer. When Hagar cried in the + desert an angel came and opened a spring of living water for that poor + slave; but I, when the limpid stream to which (do you remember?) you tried + to guide me flowed past Clochegourde, its waters changed to bitterness for + me. Yes, the sufferings you have inflicted on my soul are terrible. God, + no doubt, will pardon those who know affection only through its pains. But + if the keenest of these pains has come to me through you, perhaps I + deserved them. God is not unjust. Ah, yes, Felix, a kiss furtively taken + may be a crime. Perhaps it is just that a woman should harshly expiate the + few steps taken apart from husband and children that she might walk alone + with thoughts and memories that were not of them, and so walking, marry + her soul to another. Perhaps it is the worst of crimes when the inward + being lowers itself to the region of human kisses. When a woman bends to + receive her husband’s kiss with a mask upon her face, that is a crime! It + is a crime to think of a future springing from a death, a crime to imagine + a motherhood without terrors, handsome children playing in the evening + with a beloved father before the eyes of a happy mother. Yes, I sinned, + sinned greatly. I have loved the penances inflicted by the Church,—which + did not redeem the faults, for the priest was too indulgent. God has + placed the punishment in the faults themselves, committing the execution + of his vengeance to the one for whom the faults were committed. When I + gave my hair, did I not give myself? Why did I so often dress in white? + because I seemed the more your lily; did you not see me here, for the + first time, all in white? Alas! I have loved my children less, for all + intense affection is stolen from the natural affections. Felix, do you not + see that all suffering has its meaning. Strike me, wound me even more than + Monsieur de Mortsauf and my children’s state have wounded me. That woman + is the instrument of God’s anger; I will meet her without hatred; I will + smile upon her; under pain of being neither Christian, wife, nor mother, I + ought to love her. If, as you tell me, I contributed to keep your heart + unsoiled by the world, that Englishwoman ought not to hate me. A woman + should love the mother of the man she loves, and I am your mother. What + place have I sought in your heart? that left empty by Madame de + Vandenesse. Yes, yes, you have always complained of my coldness; yes, I am + indeed your mother only. Forgive me therefore the involuntary harshness + with which I met you on your return; a mother ought to rejoice that her + son is so well loved—” + </p> + <p> + She laid her head for a moment on my breast, repeating the words, “Forgive + me! oh, forgive me!” in a voice that was neither her girlish voice with + its joyous notes, nor the woman’s voice with despotic endings; not the + sighing sound of the mother’s woe, but an agonizing new voice for new + sorrows. + </p> + <p> + “You, Felix,” she presently continued, growing animated; “you are the + friend who can do no wrong. Ah! you have lost nothing in my heart; do not + blame yourself, do not feel the least remorse. It was the height of + selfishness in me to ask you to sacrifice the joys of life to an + impossible future; impossible, because to realize it a woman must abandon + her children, abdicate her position, and renounce eternity. Many a time I + have thought you higher than I; you were great and noble, I, petty and + criminal. Well, well, it is settled now; I can be to you no more than a + light from above, sparkling and cold, but unchanging. Only, Felix, let me + not love the brother I have chosen without return. Love me, cherish me! + The love of a sister has no dangerous to-morrow, no hours of difficulty. + You will never find it necessary to deceive the indulgent heart which will + live in future within your life, grieve for your griefs, be joyous with + your joys, which will love the women who make you happy, and resent their + treachery. I never had a brother to love in that way. Be noble enough to + lay aside all self-love and turn our attachment, hitherto so doubtful and + full of trouble, into this sweet and sacred love. In this way I shall be + enabled to still live. I will begin to-night by taking Lady Dudley’s + hand.” + </p> + <p> + She did not weep as she said these words so full of bitter knowledge, by + which, casting aside the last remaining veil which hid her soul from mine, + she showed by how many ties she had linked herself to me, how many chains + I had hewn apart. Our emotions were so great that for a time we did not + notice it was raining heavily. + </p> + <p> + “Will Madame la comtesse wait here under shelter?” asked the coachman, + pointing to the chief inn of Ballan. + </p> + <p> + She made a sign of assent, and we stayed nearly half an hour under the + vaulted entrance, to the great surprise of the inn-people who wondered + what brought Madame de Mortsauf on that road at eleven o’clock at night. + Was she going to Tours? Had she come from there? When the storm ceased and + the rain turned to what is called in Touraine a “brouee,” which does not + hinder the moon from shining through the higher mists as the wind with its + upper currents whirls them away, the coachman drove from our shelter, and, + to my great delight, turned to go back the way we came. + </p> + <p> + “Follow my orders,” said the countess, gently. + </p> + <p> + We now took the road across the Charlemagne moor, where the rain began + again. Half-way across I heard the barking of Arabella’s dog; a horse came + suddenly from beneath a clump of oaks, jumped the ditch which owners of + property dig around their cleared lands when they consider them suitable + for cultivation, and carried Lady Dudley to the moor to meet the carriage. + </p> + <p> + “What pleasure to meet a love thus if it can be done without sin,” said + Henriette. + </p> + <p> + The barking of the dog had told Lady Dudley that I was in the carriage. + She thought, no doubt, that I had brought it to meet her on account of the + rain. When we reached the spot where she was waiting, she urged her horse + to the side of the road with the equestrian dexterity for which she was + famous, and which to Henriette seemed marvellous. + </p> + <p> + “Amedee,” she said, and the name in her English pronunciation had a + fairy-like charm. + </p> + <p> + “He is here, madame,” said the countess, looking at the fantastic creature + plainly visible in the moonlight, whose impatient face was oddly swathed + in locks of hair now out of curl. + </p> + <p> + You know with what swiftness two women examine each other. The + Englishwoman recognized her rival, and was gloriously English; she gave us + a look full of insular contempt, and disappeared in the underbrush with + the rapidity of an arrow. + </p> + <p> + “Drive on quickly to Clochegourde,” cried the countess, to whom that + cutting look was like the blow of an axe upon her heart. + </p> + <p> + The coachman turned to get upon the road to Chinon which was better than + that to Sache. As the carriage again approached the moor we heard the + furious galloping of Arabella’s horse and the steps of her dog. All three + were skirting the wood behind the bushes. + </p> + <p> + “She is going; you will lose her forever,” said Henriette. + </p> + <p> + “Let her go,” I answered, “and without a regret.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, poor woman!” cried the countess, with a sort of compassionate horror. + “Where will she go?” + </p> + <p> + “Back to La Grenadiere,—a little house near Saint-Cyr,” I said, + “where she is staying.” + </p> + <p> + Just as we were entering the avenue of Clochegourde Arabella’s dog barked + joyfully and bounded up to the carriage. + </p> + <p> + “She is here before us!” cried the countess; then after a pause she added, + “I have never seen a more beautiful woman. What a hand and what a figure! + Her complexion outdoes the lily, her eyes are literally bright as + diamonds. But she rides too well; she loves to display her strength; I + think her violent and too active,—also too bold for our conventions. + The woman who recognizes no law is apt to listen only to her caprices. + Those who seek to shine, to make a stir, have not the gift of constancy. + Love needs tranquillity; I picture it to myself like a vast lake in which + the lead can find no bottom; where tempests may be violent, but are rare + and controlled within certain limits; where two beings live on a flowery + isle far from the world whose luxury and display offend them. Still, love + must take the imprint of the character. Perhaps I am wrong. If nature’s + elements are compelled to take certain forms determined by climate, why is + it not the same with the feelings of individuals? No doubt sentiments, + feelings, which hold to the general law in the mass, differ in expression + only. Each soul has its own method. Lady Dudley is the strong woman who + can traverse distances and act with the vigor of a man; she would rescue + her lover and kill jailers and guards; while other women can only love + with their whole souls; in moments of danger they kneel down to pray, and + die. Which of the two women suits you best? That is the question. Yes, + yes, Lady Dudley must surely love; she has made many sacrifices. Perhaps + she will love you when you have ceased to love her!” + </p> + <p> + “Dear angel,” I said, “let me ask the question you asked me; how is it + that you know these things?” + </p> + <p> + “Every sorrow teaches a lesson, and I have suffered on so many points that + my knowledge is vast.” + </p> + <p> + My servant had heard the order given, and thinking we should return by the + terraces he held my horse ready for me in the avenue. Arabella’s dog had + scented the horse, and his mistress, drawn by very natural curiosity, had + followed the animal through the woods to the avenue. + </p> + <p> + “Go and make your peace,” said Henriette, smiling without a tinge of + sadness. “Say to Lady Dudley how much she mistakes my intention; I wished + to show her the true value of the treasure which has fallen to her; my + heart holds none but kind feelings, above all neither anger nor contempt. + Explain to her that I am her sister, and not her rival.” + </p> + <p> + “I shall not go,” I said. + </p> + <p> + “Have you never discovered,” she said with lofty pride, “that certain + propitiations are insulting? Go!” + </p> + <p> + I rode towards Lady Dudley wishing to know the state of her mind. “If she + would only be angry and leave me,” I thought, “I could return to + Clochegourde.” + </p> + <p> + The dog led me to an oak, from which, as I came up, Arabella galloped + crying out to me, “Come! away! away!” All that I could do was to follow + her to Saint Cyr, which we reached about midnight. + </p> + <p> + “That lady is in perfect health,” said Arabella as she dismounted. + </p> + <p> + Those who know her can alone imagine the satire contained in that remark, + dryly said in a tone which meant, “I should have died!” + </p> + <p> + “I forbid you to utter any of your sarcasms about Madame de Mortsauf,” I + said. + </p> + <p> + “Do I displease your Grace in remarking upon the perfect health of one so + dear to your precious heart? Frenchwomen hate, so I am told, even their + lover’s dog. In England we love all that our masters love; we hate all + they hate, because we are flesh of their flesh. Permit me therefore to + love this lady as much as you yourself love her. Only, my dear child,” she + added, clasping me in her arms which were damp with rain, “if you betray + me, I shall not be found either lying down or standing up, not in a + carriage with liveried lackeys, nor on horseback on the moors of + Charlemagne, nor on any other moor beneath the skies, nor in my own bed, + nor beneath a roof of my forefathers; I shall not be anywhere, for I will + live no longer. I was born in Lancashire, a country where women die for + love. Know you, and give you up? I will yield you to none, not even to + Death, for I should die with you.” + </p> + <p> + She led me to her rooms, where comfort had already spread its charms. + </p> + <p> + “Love her, dear,” I said warmly. “She loves you sincerely, not in jest.” + </p> + <p> + “Sincerely! you poor child!” she said, unfastening her habit. + </p> + <p> + With a lover’s vanity I tried to exhibit Henriette’s noble character to + this imperious creature. While her waiting-woman, who did not understand a + word of French, arranged her hair I endeavored to picture Madame de + Mortsauf by sketching her life; I repeated many of the great thoughts she + had uttered at a crisis when nearly all women become either petty or bad. + Though Arabella appeared to be paying no attention she did not lose a + single word. + </p> + <p> + “I am delighted,” she said when we were alone, “to learn your taste for + pious conversation. There’s an old vicar on one of my estates who + understands writing sermons better than any one I know; the country-people + like him, for he suits his prosing to his hearers. I’ll write to my father + to-morrow and ask him to send the good man here by steamboat; you can meet + him in Paris, and when once you have heard him you will never wish to + listen to any one else,—all the more because his health is perfect. + His moralities won’t give you shocks that make you weep; they flow along + without tempests, like a limpid stream, and will send you to sleep. Every + evening you can if you like satisfy your passion for sermons by digesting + one with your dinner. English morality, I do assure you, is as superior to + that of Touraine as our cutlery, our plate, and our horses are to your + knives and your turf. Do me the kindness to listen to my vicar; promise + me. I am only a woman, my dearest; I can love, I can die for you if you + will; but I have never studied at Eton, or at Oxford, or in Edinburgh. I + am neither a doctor of laws nor a reverend; I can’t preach morality; in + fact, I am altogether unfit for it, I should be awkward if I tried. I + don’t blame your tastes; you might have others more depraved, and I should + still endeavor to conform to them, for I want you to find near me all you + like best,—pleasures of love, pleasures of food, pleasures of piety, + good claret, and virtuous Christians. Shall I wear hair-cloth to-night? + She is very lucky, that woman, to suit you in morality. From what college + did she graduate? Poor I, who can only give you myself, who can only be + your slave—” + </p> + <p> + “Then why did you rush away when I wanted to bring you together?” + </p> + <p> + “Are you crazy, Amedee? I could go from Paris to Rome disguised as a + valet; I would do the most unreasonable thing for your sake; but how can + you expect me to speak to a woman on the public roads who has never been + presented to me,—and who, besides, would have preached me a sermon + under three heads? I speak to peasants, and if I am hungry I would ask a + workman to share his bread with me and pay him in guineas,—that is + all proper enough; but to stop a carriage on the highway, like the + gentlemen of the road in England, is not at all within my code of manners. + You poor child, you know only how to love; you don’t know how to live. + Besides, I am not like you as yet, dear angel; I don’t like morality. + Still, I am capable of great efforts to please you. Yes, I will go to + work; I will learn how to preach; you shall have no more kisses without + verses of the Bible interlarded.” + </p> + <p> + She used her power and abused it as soon as she saw in my eyes the ardent + expression which was always there when she began her sorceries. She + triumphed over everything, and I complacently told myself that the woman + who loses all, sacrifices the future, and makes love her only virtue, is + far above Catholic polemics. + </p> + <p> + “So she loves herself better than she loves you?” Arabella went on. “She + sets something that is not you above you. Is that love? how can we women + find anything to value in ourselves except that which you value in us? No + woman, no matter how fine a moralist she may be, is the equal of a man. + Tread upon us, kill us; never embarrass your lives on our account. It is + for us to die, for you to live, great and honored. For us the dagger in + your hand; for you our pardoning love. Does the sun think of the gnats in + his beams, that live by his light? they stay as long as they can and when + he withdraws his face they die—” + </p> + <p> + “Or fly somewhere else,” I said interrupting her. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, somewhere else,” she replied, with an indifference that would have + piqued any man into using the power with which she invested him. “Do you + really think it is worthy of womanhood to make a man eat his bread + buttered with virtue, and to persuade him that religion is incompatible + with love? Am I a reprobate? A woman either gives herself or she refuses. + But to refuse and moralize is a double wrong, and is contrary to the rule + of the right in all lands. Here, you will get only excellent sandwiches + prepared by the hand of your servant Arabella, whose sole morality is to + imagine caresses no man has yet felt and which the angels inspire.” + </p> + <p> + I know nothing more destructive than the wit of an Englishwoman; she gives + it the eloquent gravity, the tone of pompous conviction with which the + British hide the absurdities of their life of prejudice. French wit and + humor, on the other hand, is like a lace with which our women adorn the + joys they give and the quarrels they invent; it is a mental jewelry, as + charming as their pretty dresses. English wit is an acid which corrodes + all those on whom it falls until it bares their bones, which it scrapes + and polishes. The tongue of a clever Englishwoman is like that of a tiger + tearing the flesh from the bone when he is only in play. All-powerful + weapon of a sneering devil, English satire leaves a deadly poison in the + wound it makes. Arabella chose to show her power like the sultan who, to + prove his dexterity, cut off the heads of unoffending beings with his own + scimitar. + </p> + <p> + “My angel,” she said, “I can talk morality too if I choose. I have asked + myself whether I commit a crime in loving you; whether I violate the + divine laws; and I find that my love for you is both natural and pious. + Why did God create some beings handsomer than others if not to show us + that we ought to adore them? The crime would be in not loving you. This + lady insults you by confounding you with other men; the laws of morality + are not applicable to you; for God has created you above them. Am I not + drawing nearer to divine love in loving you? will God punish a poor woman + for seeking the divine? Your great and luminous heart so resembles the + heavens that I am like the gnats which flutter about the torches of a fete + and burn themselves; are they to be punished for their error? besides, is + it an error? may it not be pure worship of the light? They perish of too + much piety,—if you call it perishing to fling one’s self on the + breast of him we love. I have the weakness to love you, whereas that woman + has the strength to remain in her Catholic shrine. Now, don’t frown. You + think I wish her ill. No, I do not. I adore the morality which has led her + to leave you free, and enables me to win you and hold you forever—for + you are mine forever, are you not?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes.” + </p> + <p> + “Forever and ever?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! I have found favor in my lord! I alone have understood his worth! She + knows how to cultivate her estate, you say. Well, I leave that to farmers; + I cultivate your heart.” + </p> + <p> + I try to recall this intoxicating babble, that I may picture to you the + woman as she is, confirm all I have said of her, and let you into the + secret of what happened later. But how shall I describe the accompaniment + of the words? She sought to annihilate by the passion of her impetuous + love the impressions left in my heart by the chaste and dignified love of + my Henriette. Lady Dudley had seen the countess as plainly as the countess + had seen her; each had judged the other. The force of Arabella’s attack + revealed to me the extent of her fear, and her secret admiration for her + rival. In the morning I found her with tearful eyes, complaining that she + had not slept. + </p> + <p> + “What troubles you?” I said. + </p> + <p> + “I fear that my excessive love will ruin me,” she answered; “I have given + all. Wiser than I, that woman possesses something that you still desire. + If you prefer her, forget me; I will not trouble you with my sorrows, my + remorse, my sufferings; no, I will go far away and die, like a plant + deprived of the life-giving sun.” + </p> + <p> + She was able to wring protestations of love from my reluctant lips, which + filled her with joy. + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” she exclaimed, drying her eyes, “I am happy. Go back to her; I do + not choose to owe you to the force of my love, but to the action of your + own will. If you return here I shall know that you love me as much as I + love you, the possibility of which I have always doubted.” + </p> + <p> + She persuaded me to return to Clochegourde. The false position in which I + thus placed myself did not strike me while still under the influence of + her wiles. Yet, had I refused to return I should have given Lady Dudley a + triumph over Henriette. Arabella would then have taken me to Paris. To go + now to Clochegourde was an open insult to Madame de Mortsauf; in that case + Arabella was sure of me. Did any woman ever pardon such crimes against + love? Unless she were an angel descended from the skies, instead of a + purified spirit ascending to them, a loving woman would rather see her + lover die than know him happy with another. Thus, look at it as I would, + my situation, after I had once left Clochegourde for the Grenadiere, was + as fatal to the love of my choice as it was profitable to the transient + love that held me. Lady Dudley had calculated all this with consummate + cleverness. She owned to me later that if she had not met Madame de + Mortsauf on the moor she had intended to compromise me by haunting + Clochegourde until she did so. + </p> + <p> + When I met the countess that morning, and found her pale and depressed + like one who has not slept all night, I was conscious of exercising the + instinctive perception given to hearts still fresh and generous to show + them the true bearing of actions little regarded by the world at large, + but judged as criminal by lofty spirits. Like a child going down a + precipice in play and gathering flowers, who sees with dread that it can + never climb that height again, feels itself alone, with night approaching, + and hears the howls of animals, so I now knew that she and I were + separated by a universe. A wail arose within our souls like an echo of + that woeful “Consummatum est” heard in the churches on Good Friday at the + hour the Saviour died,—a dreadful scene which awes young souls whose + first love is religion. All Henriette’s illusions were killed at one blow; + her heart had endured its passion. She did not look at me; she refused me + the light that for six long years had shone upon my life. She knew well + that the spring of the effulgent rays shed by our eyes was in our souls, + to which they served as pathways to reach each other, to blend them in + one, meeting, parting, playing, like two confiding women who tell each + other all. Bitterly I felt the wrong of bringing beneath this roof, where + pleasure was unknown, a face on which the wings of pleasure had shaken + their prismatic dust. If, the night before, I had allowed Lady Dudley to + depart alone, if I had then returned to Clochegourde, where, it may be, + Henriette awaited me, perhaps—perhaps Madame de Mortsauf might not + so cruelly have resolved to be my sister. But now she paid me many + ostentatious attentions,—playing her part vehemently for the very + purpose of not changing it. During breakfast she showed me a thousand + civilities, humiliating attentions, caring for me as though I were a sick + man whose fate she pitied. + </p> + <p> + “You were out walking early,” said the count; “I hope you have brought + back a good appetite, you whose stomach is not yet destroyed.” + </p> + <p> + This remark, which brought the smile of a sister to Henriette’s lips, + completed my sense of the ridicule of my position. It was impossible to be + at Clochegourde by day and Saint-Cyr by night. During the day I felt how + difficult it was to become the friend of a woman we have long loved. The + transition, easy enough when years have brought it about, is like an + illness in youth. I was ashamed; I cursed the pleasure Lady Dudley gave + me; I wished that Henriette would demand my blood. I could not tear her + rival in pieces before her, for she avoided speaking of her; indeed, had I + spoken of Arabella, Henriette, noble and sublime to the inmost recesses of + her heart, would have despised my infamy. After five years of delightful + intercourse we now had nothing to say to each other; our words had no + connection with our thoughts; we were hiding from each other our + intolerable pain,—we, whose mutual sufferings had been our first + interpreter. + </p> + <p> + Henriette assumed a cheerful look for me as for herself, but she was sad. + She spoke of herself as my sister, and yet found no ground on which to + converse; and we remained for the greater part of the time in constrained + silence. She increased my inward misery by feigning to believe that she + was the only victim. + </p> + <p> + “I suffer more than you,” I said to her at a moment when my self-styled + sister was betrayed into a feminine sarcasm. + </p> + <p> + “How so?” she said haughtily. + </p> + <p> + “Because I am the one to blame.” + </p> + <p> + At last her manner became so cold and indifferent that I resolved to leave + Clochegourde. That evening, on the terrace, I said farewell to the whole + family, who were there assembled. They all followed me to the lawn where + my horse was waiting. The countess came to me as I took the bridle in my + hand. + </p> + <p> + “Let us walk down the avenue together, alone,” she said. + </p> + <p> + I gave her my arm, and we passed through the courtyard with slow and + measured steps, as though our rhythmic movement were consoling to us. When + we reached the grove of trees which forms a corner of the boundary she + stopped. + </p> + <p> + “Farewell, my friend,” she said, throwing her head upon my breast and her + arms around my neck, “Farewell, we shall never meet again. God has given + me the sad power to look into the future. Do you remember the terror that + seized me the day you first came back, so young, so handsome! and I saw + you turn your back on me as you do this day when you are leaving + Clochegourde and going to Saint-Cyr? Well, once again, during the past + night I have seen into the future. Friend, we are speaking together for + the last time. I can hardly now say a few words to you, for it is but a + part of me that speaks at all. Death has already seized on something in + me. You have taken the mother from her children, I now ask you to take her + place to them. You can; Jacques and Madeleine love you—as if you had + always made them suffer.” + </p> + <p> + “Death!” I cried, frightened as I looked at her and beheld the fire of her + shining eyes, of which I can give no idea to those who have never known + their dear ones struck down by her fatal malady, unless I compare those + eyes to balls of burnished silver. “Die!” I said. “Henriette, I command + you to live. You used to ask an oath of me, I now ask one of you. Swear to + me that you will send for Origet and obey him in everything.” + </p> + <p> + “Would you oppose the mercy of God?” she said, interrupting me with a cry + of despair at being thus misunderstood. + </p> + <p> + “You do not love me enough to obey me blindly, as that miserable Lady + Dudley does?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, yes, I will do all you ask,” she cried, goaded by jealousy. + </p> + <p> + “Then I stay,” I said, kissing her on the eyelids. + </p> + <p> + Frightened at the words, she escaped from my arms and leaned against a + tree; then she turned and walked rapidly homeward without looking back. + But I followed her; she was weeping and praying. When we reached the lawn + I took her hand and kissed it respectfully. This submission touched her. + </p> + <p> + “I am yours—forever, and as you will,” I said; “for I love you as + your aunt loved you.” + </p> + <p> + She trembled and wrung my hand. + </p> + <p> + “One look,” I said, “one more, one last of our old looks! The woman who + gives herself wholly,” I cried, my soul illumined by the glance she gave + me, “gives less of life and soul than I have now received. Henriette, thou + art my best-beloved—my only love.” + </p> + <p> + “I shall live!” she said; “but cure yourself as well.” + </p> + <p> + That look had effaced the memory of Arabella’s sarcasms. Thus I was the + plaything of the two irreconcilable passions I have now described to you; + I was influenced by each alternately. I loved an angel and a demon; two + women equally beautiful,—one adorned with all the virtues which we + decry through hatred of our own imperfections, the other with all the + vices which we deify through selfishness. Returning along that avenue, + looking back again and again at Madame de Mortsauf, as she leaned against + a tree surrounded by her children who waved their handkerchiefs, I + detected in my soul an emotion of pride in finding myself the arbiter of + two such destinies; the glory, in ways so different, of women so + distinguished; proud of inspiring such great passions that death must come + to whichever I abandoned. Ah! believe me, that passing conceit has been + doubly punished! + </p> + <p> + I know not what demon prompted me to remain with Arabella and await the + moment when the death of the count might give me Henriette; for she would + ever love me. Her harshness, her tears, her remorse, her Christian + resignation, were so many eloquent signs of a sentiment that could no more + be effaced from her heart than from mine. Walking slowly down that pretty + avenue and making these reflections, I was no longer twenty-five, I was + fifty years old. A man passes in a moment, even more quickly than a woman, + from youth to middle age. Though long ago I drove these evil thoughts away + from me, I was then possessed by them, I must avow it. Perhaps I owed + their presence in my mind to the Tuileries, to the king’s cabinet. Who + could resist the polluting spirit of Louis XVIII.? + </p> + <p> + When I reached the end of the avenue I turned and rushed back in the + twinkling of an eye, seeing that Henriette was still there, and alone! I + went to bid her a last farewell, bathed in repentant tears, the cause of + which she never knew. Tears sincere indeed; given, although I knew it not, + to noble loves forever lost, to virgin emotions—those flowers of our + life which cannot bloom again. Later, a man gives nothing, he receives; he + loves himself in his mistress; but in youth he loves his mistress in + himself. Later, we inoculate with our tastes, perhaps our vices, the woman + who loves us; but in the dawn of life she whom we love conveys to us her + virtues, her conscience. She invites us with a smile to the noble life; + from her we learn the self-devotion which she practises. Woe to the man + who has not had his Henriette. Woe to that other one who has never known a + Lady Dudley. The latter, if he marries, will not be able to keep his wife; + the other will be abandoned by his mistress. But joy to him who can find + the two women in one woman; happy the man, dear Natalie, whom you love. + </p> + <p> + After my return to Paris Arabella and I became more intimate than ever. + Soon we insensibly abandoned all the conventional restrictions I had + carefully imposed, the strict observance of which often makes the world + forgive the false position in which Lady Dudley had placed herself. + Society, which delights in looking behind appearances, sanctions much as + soon as it knows the secrets they conceal. Lovers who live in the great + world make a mistake in flinging down these barriers exacted by the law of + salons; they do wrong not to obey scrupulously all conventions which the + manners and customs of a community impose,—less for the sake of + others than for their own. Outward respect to be maintained, comedies to + play, concealments to be managed; all such strategy of love occupies the + life, renews desire, and protects the heart against the palsy of habit. + But all young passions, being, like youth itself, essentially spendthrift, + raze their forests to the ground instead of merely cutting the timber. + Arabella adopted none of these bourgeois ideas, and yielded to them only + to please me; she wished to exhibit me to the eyes of all Paris as her + “sposo.” She employed her powers of seduction to keep me under her roof, + for she was not content with a rumored scandal which, for want of proof, + was only whispered behind the fans. Seeing her so happy in committing an + imprudence which frankly admitted her position, how could I help believing + in her love? + </p> + <p> + But no sooner was I plunged into the comforts of illegal marriage than + despair seized upon me; I saw my life bound to a course in direct defiance + of the ideas and the advice given me by Henriette. Thenceforth I lived in + the sort of rage we find in consumptive patients who, knowing their end is + near, cannot endure that their lungs should be examined. There was no + corner in my heart where I could fly to escape suffering; an avenging + spirit filled me incessantly with thoughts on which I dared not dwell. My + letters to Henriette depicted this moral malady and did her infinite harm. + “At the cost of so many treasures lost, I wished you to be at least + happy,” she wrote in the only answer I received. But I was not happy. Dear + Natalie, happiness is absolute; it allows of no comparisons. My first + ardor over, I necessarily compared the two women,—a contrast I had + never yet studied. In fact, all great passions press so strongly on the + character that at first they check its asperities and cover the track of + habits which constitute our defects and our better qualities. But later, + when two lovers are accustomed to each other, the features of their moral + physiognomies reappear; they mutually judge each other, and it often + happens during this reaction of the character after passion, that natural + antipathies leading to disunion (which superficial people seize upon to + accuse the human heart of instability) come to the surface. This period + now began with me. Less blinded by seductions, and dissecting, as it were, + my pleasure, I undertook, without perhaps intending to do so, a critical + examination of Lady Dudley which resulted to her injury. + </p> + <p> + In the first place, I found her wanting in the qualities of mind which + distinguish Frenchwomen and make them so delightful to love; as all those + who have had the opportunity of loving in both countries declare. When a + Frenchwoman loves she is metamorphosed; her noted coquetry is used to deck + her love; she abandons her dangerous vanity and lays no claim to any merit + but that of loving well. She espouses the interests, the hatreds, the + friendships, of the man she loves; she acquires in a day the experience of + a man of business; she studies the code, she comprehends the mechanism of + credit, and could manage a banker’s office; naturally heedless and + prodigal, she will make no mistakes and waste not a single louis. She + becomes, in turn, mother, adviser, doctor, giving to all her + transformations a grace of happiness which reveals, in its every detail, + her infinite love. She combines the special qualities of the women of + other countries and gives unity to the mixture by her wit, that truly + French product, which enlivens, sanctions, justifies, and varies all, thus + relieving the monotony of a sentiment which rests on a single tense of a + single verb. The Frenchwoman loves always, without abatement and without + fatigue, in public or in solitude. In public she uses a tone which has + meaning for one only; she speaks by silence; she looks at you with lowered + eyelids. If the occasion prevents both speech and look she will use the + sand and write a word with the point of her little foot; her love will + find expression even in sleep; in short, she bends the world to her love. + The Englishwoman, on the contrary, makes her love bend to the world. + Educated to maintain the icy manners, the Britannic and egotistic + deportment which I described to you, she opens and shuts her heart with + the ease of a British mechanism. She possesses an impenetrable mask, which + she puts on or takes off phlegmatically. Passionate as an Italian when no + eye sees her, she becomes coldly dignified before the world. A lover may + well doubt his empire when he sees the immobility of face, the aloofness + of countenance, and hears the calm voice, with which an Englishwoman + leaves her boudoir. Hypocrisy then becomes indifference; she has forgotten + all. + </p> + <p> + Certainly the woman who can lay aside her love like a garment may be + thought to be capable of changing it. What tempests arise in the heart of + a man, stirred by wounded self-love, when he sees a woman taking and + dropping and again picking up her love like a piece of embroidery. These + women are too completely mistresses of themselves ever to belong wholly to + you; they are too much under the influence of society ever to let you + reign supreme. Where a Frenchwoman comforts by a look, or betrays her + impatience with visitors by witty jests, an Englishwoman’s silence is + absolute; it irritates the soul and frets the mind. These women are so + constantly, and, under all circumstances, on their dignity, that to most + of them fashion reigns omnipotent even over their pleasures. An + Englishwoman forces everything into form; though in her case the love of + form does not produce the sentiment of art. No matter what may be said + against it, Protestantism and Catholicism explain the differences which + make the love of Frenchwomen so far superior to the calculating, reasoning + love of Englishwomen. Protestantism doubts, searches, and kills belief; it + is the death of art and love. Where worldliness is all in all, worldly + people must needs obey; but passionate hearts flee from it; to them its + laws are insupportable. + </p> + <p> + You can now understand what a shock my self-love received when I found + that Lady Dudley could not live without the world, and that the English + system of two lives was familiar to her. It was no sacrifice she felt + called upon to make; on the contrary she fell naturally into two forms of + life that were inimical to each other. When she loved she loved madly,—no + woman of any country could be compared to her; but when the curtain fell + upon that fairy scene she banished even the memory of it. In public she + never answered to a look or a smile; she was neither mistress nor slave; + she was like an ambassadress, obliged to round her phrases and her elbows; + she irritated me by her composure, and outraged my heart with her decorum. + Thus she degraded love to a mere need, instead of raising it to an ideal + through enthusiasm. She expressed neither fear, nor regrets, nor desire; + but at a given hour her tenderness reappeared like a fire suddenly + lighted. + </p> + <p> + In which of these two women ought I to believe? I felt, as it were by a + thousand pin-pricks, the infinite differences between Henriette and + Arabella. When Madame de Mortsauf left me for a while she seemed to leave + to the air the duty of reminding me of her; the folds of her gown as she + went away spoke to the eye, as their undulating sound to the ear when she + returned; infinite tenderness was in the way she lowered her eyelids and + looked on the ground; her voice, that musical voice, was a continual + caress; her words expressed a constant thought; she was always like unto + herself; she did not halve her soul to suit two atmospheres, one ardent, + the other icy. In short, Madame de Mortsauf reserved her mind and the + flower of her thought to express her feelings; she was coquettish in ideas + with her children and with me. But Arabella’s mind was never used to make + life pleasant; it was never used at all for my benefit; it existed only + for the world and by the world, and it was spent in sarcasm. She loved to + rend, to bite, as it were,—not for amusement but to satisfy a + craving. Madame de Mortsauf would have hidden her happiness from every + eye, Lady Dudley chose to exhibit hers to all Paris; and yet with her + impenetrable English mask she kept within conventions even while parading + in the Bois with me. This mixture of ostentation and dignity, love and + coldness, wounded me constantly; for my soul was both virgin and + passionate, and as I could not pass from one temperature to the other, my + temper suffered. When I complained (never without precaution), she turned + her tongue with its triple sting against me; mingling boasts of her love + with those cutting English sarcasms. As soon as she found herself in + opposition to me, she made it an amusement to hurt my feelings and + humiliate my mind; she kneaded me like dough. To any remark of mine as to + keeping a medium in all things, she replied by caricaturing my ideas and + exaggerating them. When I reproached her for her manner to me, she asked + if I wished her to kiss me at the opera before all Paris; and she said it + so seriously that I, knowing her desire to make people talk, trembled lest + she should execute her threat. In spite of her real passion she was never + meditative, self-contained, or reverent, like Henriette; on the contrary + she was insatiable as a sandy soil. Madame de Mortsauf was always + composed, able to feel my soul in an accent or a glance. Lady Dudley was + never affected by a look, or a pressure of the hand, nor yet by a tender + word. No proof of love surprised her. She felt so strong a necessity for + excitement, noise, celebrity, that nothing attained to her ideal in this + respect; hence her violent love, her exaggerated fancy,—everything + concerned herself and not me. + </p> + <p> + The letter you have read from Madame de Mortsauf (a light which still + shone brightly on my life), a proof of how the most virtuous of women + obeyed the genius of a Frenchwoman, revealing, as it did, her perpetual + vigilance, her sound understanding of all my prospects—that letter + must have made you see with what care Henriette had studied my material + interests, my political relations, my moral conquests, and with what ardor + she took hold of my life in all permissible directions. On such points as + these Lady Dudley affected the reticence of a mere acquaintance. She never + informed herself about my affairs, nor of my likings or dislikings as a + man. Prodigal for herself without being generous, she separated too + decidedly self-interest and love. Whereas I knew very well, without + proving it, that to save me a pang Henriette would have sought for me that + which she would never seek for herself. In any great and overwhelming + misfortune I should have gone for counsel to Henriette, but I would have + let myself be dragged to prison sooner than say a word to Lady Dudley. + </p> + <p> + Up to this point the contrast relates to feelings; but it was the same in + outward things. In France, luxury is the expression of the man, the + reproduction of his ideas, of his personal poetry; it portrays the + character, and gives, between lovers, a precious value to every little + attention by keeping before them the dominant thought of the being loved. + But English luxury, which at first allured me by its choiceness and + delicacy, proved to be mechanical also. The thousand and one attentions + shown me at Clochegourde Arabella would have considered the business of + servants; each one had his own duty and speciality. The choice of the + footman was the business of her butler, as if it were a matter of horses. + She never attached herself to her servants; the death of the best of them + would not have affected her, for money could replace the one lost by + another equally efficient. As to her duty towards her neighbor, I never + saw a tear in her eye for the misfortunes of another; in fact her + selfishness was so naively candid that it absolutely created a laugh. The + crimson draperies of the great lady covered an iron nature. The delightful + siren who sounded at night every bell of her amorous folly could soon make + a young man forget the hard and unfeeling Englishwoman, and it was only + step by step that I discovered the stony rock on which my seeds were + wasted, bringing no harvest. Madame de Mortsauf had penetrated that nature + at a glance in their brief encounter. I remembered her prophetic words. + She was right; Arabella’s love became intolerable to me. I have since + remarked that most women who ride well on horseback have little + tenderness. Like the Amazons, they lack a breast; their hearts are hard in + some direction, but I do not know in which. + </p> + <p> + At the moment when I begin to feel the burden of the yoke, when weariness + took possession of soul and body too, when at last I comprehended the + sanctity that true feeling imparts to love, when memories of Clochegourde + were bringing me, in spite of distance, the fragrance of the roses, the + warmth of the terrace, and the warble of the nightingales,—at this + frightful moment, when I saw the stony bed beneath me as the waters of the + torrent receded, I received a blow which still resounds in my heart, for + at every hour its echo wakes. + </p> + <p> + I was working in the cabinet of the king, who was to drive out at four + o’clock. The Duc de Lenoncourt was on service. When he entered the room + the king asked him news of the countess. I raised my head hastily in too + eager a manner; the king, offended by the action, gave me the look which + always preceded the harsh words he knew so well how to say. + </p> + <p> + “Sire, my poor daughter is dying,” replied the duke. + </p> + <p> + “Will the king deign to grant me leave of absence?” I cried, with tears in + my eyes, braving the anger which I saw about to burst. + </p> + <p> + “Go, <i>my lord</i>,” he answered, smiling at the satire in his words, and + withholding his reprimand in favor of his own wit. + </p> + <p> + More courtier than father, the duke asked no leave but got into the + carriage with the king. I started without bidding Lady Dudley good-bye; + she was fortunately out when I made my preparations, and I left a note + telling her I was sent on a mission by the king. At the Croix de Berny I + met his Majesty returning from Verrieres. He threw me a look full of his + royal irony, always insufferable in meaning, which seemed to say: “If you + mean to be anything in politics come back; don’t parley with the dead.” + The duke waved his hand to me sadly. The two pompous equipages with their + eight horses, the colonels and their gold lace, the escort and the clouds + of dust rolled rapidly away, to cries of “Vive le Roi!” It seemed to me + that the court had driven over the dead body of Madame de Mortsauf with + the utter insensibility which nature shows for our catastrophes. Though + the duke was an excellent man he would no doubt play whist with Monsieur + after the king had retired. As for the duchess, she had long ago given her + daughter the first stab by writing to her of Lady Dudley. + </p> + <p> + My hurried journey was like a dream,—the dream of a ruined gambler; + I was in despair at having received no news. Had the confessor pushed + austerity so far as to exclude me from Clochegourde? I accused Madeleine, + Jacques, the Abbe Dominis, all, even Monsieur de Mortsauf. Beyond Tours, + as I came down the road bordered with poplars which leads to Poncher, + which I so much admired that first day of my search for mine Unknown, I + met Monsieur Origet. He guessed that I was going to Clochegourde; I + guessed that he was returning. We stopped our carriages and got out, I to + ask for news, he to give it. + </p> + <p> + “How is Madame de Mortsauf?” I said. + </p> + <p> + “I doubt if you find her living,” he replied. “She is dying a frightful + death—of inanition. When she called me in, last June, no medical + power could control the disease; she had the symptoms which Monsieur de + Mortsauf has no doubt described to you, for he thinks he has them himself. + Madame la comtesse was not in any transient condition of ill-health, which + our profession can direct and which is often the cause of a better state, + nor was she in the crisis of a disorder the effects of which can be + repaired; no, her disease had reached a point where science is useless; it + is the incurable result of grief, just as a mortal wound is the result of + a stab. Her physical condition is produced by the inertia of an organ as + necessary to life as the action of the heart itself. Grief has done the + work of a dagger. Don’t deceive yourself; Madame de Mortsauf is dying of + some hidden grief.” + </p> + <p> + “Hidden!” I exclaimed. “Her children have not been ill?” + </p> + <p> + “No,” he said, looking at me significantly, “and since she has been so + seriously attacked Monsieur de Mortsauf has ceased to torment her. I am no + longer needed; Monsieur Deslandes of Azay is all-sufficient; nothing can + be done; her sufferings are dreadful. Young, beautiful, and rich, to die + emaciated, shrunken with hunger—for she dies of hunger! During the + last forty days the stomach, being as it were closed up, has rejected all + nourishment, under whatever form we attempt to give it.” + </p> + <p> + Monsieur Origet pressed my hand with a gesture of respect. + </p> + <p> + “Courage, monsieur,” he said, lifting his eyes to heaven. + </p> + <p> + The words expressed his compassion for sufferings he thought shared; he + little suspected the poisoned arrow which they shot into my heart. I + sprang into the carriage and ordered the postilion to drive on, promising + a good reward if I arrived in time. + </p> + <p> + Notwithstanding my impatience I seemed to do the distance in a few + minutes, so absorbed was I in the bitter reflections that crowded upon my + soul. Dying of grief, yet her children were well? then she died through + me! My conscience uttered one of those arraignments which echo throughout + our lives and sometimes beyond them. What weakness, what impotence in + human justice, which avenges none but open deeds! Why shame and death to + the murderer who kills with a blow, who comes upon you unawares in your + sleep and makes it last eternally, who strikes without warning and spares + you a struggle? Why a happy life, an honored life, to the murderer who + drop by drop pours gall into the soul and saps the body to destroy it? How + many murderers go unpunished! What indulgence for fashionable vice! What + condoning of the homicides caused by moral wrongs! I know not whose + avenging hand it was that suddenly, at that moment, raised the painted + curtain that reveals society. I saw before me many victims known to you + and me,—Madame de Beauseant, dying, and starting for Normandy only a + few days earlier; the Duchesse de Langeais lost; Lady Brandon hiding + herself in Touraine in the little house where Lady Dudley had stayed two + weeks, and dying there, killed by a frightful catastrophe,—you know + it. Our period teems with such events. Who does not remember that poor + young woman who poisoned herself, overcome by jealousy, which was perhaps + killing Madame de Mortsauf? Who has not shuddered at the fate of that + enchanting young girl who perished after two years of marriage, like a + flower torn by the wind, the victim of her chaste ignorance, the victim of + a villain with whom Ronquerolles, Montriveau, and de Marsay shake hands + because he is useful to their political projects? What heart has failed to + throb at the recital of the last hours of the woman whom no entreaties + could soften, and who would never see her husband after nobly paying his + debts? Madame d’Aiglemont saw death beside her and was saved only by my + brother’s care. Society and science are accomplices in crimes for which + there are no assizes. The world declares that no one dies of grief, or of + despair; nor yet of love, of anguish hidden, of hopes cultivated yet + fruitless, again and again replanted yet forever uprooted. Our new + scientific nomenclature has plenty of words to explain these things; + gastritis, pericarditis, all the thousand maladies of women the names of + which are whispered in the ear, all serve as passports to the coffin + followed by hypocritical tears that are soon wiped by the hand of a + notary. Can there be at the bottom of this great evil some law which we do + not know? Must the centenary pitilessly strew the earth with corpses and + dry them to dust about him that he may raise himself, as the millionaire + battens on a myriad of little industries? Is there some powerful and + venomous life which feasts on these gentle, tender creatures? My God! do I + belong to the race of tigers? + </p> + <p> + Remorse gripped my heart in its scorching fingers, and my cheeks were + furrowed with tears as I entered the avenue of Clochegourde on a damp + October morning, which loosened the dead leaves of the poplars planted by + Henriette in the path where once she stood and waved her handkerchief as + if to recall me. Was she living? Why did I feel her two white hands upon + my head laid prostrate in the dust? In that moment I paid for all the + pleasures that Arabella had given me, and I knew that I paid dearly. I + swore not to see her again, and a hatred of England took possession of me. + Though Lady Dudley was only a variety of her species, I included all + Englishwomen in my judgment. + </p> + <p> + I received a fresh shock as I neared Clochegourde. Jacques, Madeleine, and + the Abbe Dominis were kneeling at the foot of a wooden cross placed on a + piece of ground that was taken into the enclosure when the iron gate was + put up, which the count and countess had never been willing to remove. I + sprang from the carriage and went towards them, my heart aching at the + sight of these children and that grave old man imploring the mercy of God. + The old huntsman was there too, with bared head, standing a little apart. + </p> + <p> + I stooped to kiss Jacques and Madeleine, who gave me a cold look and + continued praying. The abbe rose from his knees; I took him by the arm to + support myself, saying, “Is she still alive?” He bowed his head sadly and + gently. “Tell me, I implore you for Christ’s sake, why are you praying at + the foot of this cross? Why are you here, and not with her? Why are the + children kneeling here this chilly morning? Tell me all, that I may do no + harm through ignorance.” + </p> + <p> + “For the last few days Madame le comtesse has been unwilling to see her + children except at stated times.—Monsieur,” he continued after a + pause, “perhaps you had better wait a few hours before seeing Madame de + Mortsauf; she is greatly changed. It is necessary to prepare her for this + interview, or it might cause an increase in her sufferings—death + would be a blessed release from them.” + </p> + <p> + I wrung the hand of the good man, whose look and voice soothed the pangs + of others without sharpening them. + </p> + <p> + “We are praying God to help her,” he continued; “for she, so saintly, so + resigned, so fit to die, has shown during the last few weeks a horror of + death; for the first time in her life she looks at others who are full of + health with gloomy, envious eyes. This aberration comes less, I think, + from the fear of death than from some inward intoxication,—from the + flowers of her youth which ferment as they wither. Yes, an evil angel is + striving against heaven for that glorious soul. She is passing through her + struggle on the Mount of Olives; her tears bathe the white roses of her + crown as they fall, one by one, from the head of this wedded Jephtha. + Wait; do not see her yet. You would bring to her the atmosphere of the + court; she would see in your face the reflection of the things of life, + and you would add to the bitterness of her regret. Have pity on a weakness + which God Himself forgave to His Son when He took our nature upon Him. + What merit would there be in conquering if we had no adversary? Permit her + confessor or me, two old men whose worn-out lives cause her no pain, to + prepare her for this unlooked-for meeting, for emotions which the Abbe + Birotteau has required her to renounce. But, in the things of this world + there is an invisible thread of divine purpose which religion alone can + see; and since you have come perhaps you are led by some celestial star of + the moral world which leads to the tomb as to the manger—” + </p> + <p> + He then told me, with that tempered eloquence which falls like dew upon + the heart, that for the last six months the countess had suffered daily + more and more, in spite of Monsieur Origet’s care. The doctor had come to + Clochegourde every evening for two months, striving to rescue her from + death; for her one cry had been, “Oh, save me!” “To heal the body the + heart must first be healed,” the doctor had exclaimed one day. + </p> + <p> + “As the illness increased, the words of this poor woman, once so gentle, + have grown bitter,” said the Abbe. “She calls on earth to keep her, + instead of asking God to take her; then she repents these murmurs against + the divine decree. Such alternations of feeling rend her heart and make + the struggle between body and soul most horrible. Often the body triumphs. + ‘You have cost me dear,’ she said one day to Jacques and Madeleine; but in + a moment, recalled to God by the look on my face, she turned to Madeleine + with these angelic words, ‘The happiness of others is the joy of those who + cannot themselves be happy,’—and the tone with which she said them + brought tears to my eyes. She falls, it is true, but each time that her + feet stumble she rises higher towards heaven.” + </p> + <p> + Struck by the tone of the successive intimations chance had sent me, and + which in this great concert of misfortunes were like a prelude of mournful + modulations to a funereal theme, the mighty cry of expiring love, I cried + out: “Surely you believe that this pure lily cut from earth will flower in + heaven?” + </p> + <p> + “You left her still a flower,” he answered, “but you will find her + consumed, purified by the forces of suffering, pure as a diamond buried in + the ashes. Yes, that shining soul, angelic star, will issue glorious from + the clouds and pass into the kingdom of the Light.” + </p> + <p> + As I pressed the hand of the good evangelist, my heart overflowing with + gratitude, the count put his head, now entirely white, out of the door and + immediately sprang towards me with signs of surprise. + </p> + <p> + “She was right! He is here! ‘Felix, Felix, Felix has come!’ she kept + crying. My dear friend,” he continued, beside himself with terror, “death + is here. Why did it not take a poor madman like me with one foot in the + grave?” + </p> + <p> + I walked towards the house summoning my courage, but on the threshold of + the long antechamber which crossed the house and led to the lawn, the Abbe + Birotteau stopped me. + </p> + <p> + “Madame la comtesse begs you will not enter at present,” he said to me. + </p> + <p> + Giving a glance within the house I saw the servants coming and going, all + busy, all dumb with grief, surprised perhaps by the orders Manette gave + them. + </p> + <p> + “What has happened?” cried the count, alarmed by the commotion, as much + from fear of the coming event as from the natural uneasiness of his + character. + </p> + <p> + “Only a sick woman’s fancy,” said the abbe. “Madame la comtesse does not + wish to receive monsieur le vicomte as she now is. She talks of dressing; + why thwart her?” + </p> + <p> + Manette came in search of Madeleine, whom I saw leave the house a few + moments after she had entered her mother’s room. We were all, Jacques and + his father, the two abbes and I, silently walking up and down the lawn in + front of the house. I looked first at Montbazon and then at Azay, noticing + the seared and yellow valley which answered in its mourning (as it ever + did on all occasions) to the feelings of my heart. Suddenly I beheld the + dear “mignonne” gathering the autumn flowers, no doubt to make a bouquet + at her mother’s bidding. Thinking of all which that signified, I was so + convulsed within me that I staggered, my sight was blurred, and the two + abbes, between whom I walked, led me to the wall of a terrace, where I sat + for some time completely broken down but not unconscious. + </p> + <p> + “Poor Felix,” said the count, “she forbade me to write to you. She knew + how much you loved her.” + </p> + <p> + Though prepared to suffer, I found I had no strength to bear a scene which + recalled my memories of past happiness. “Ah!” I thought, “I see it still, + that barren moor, dried like a skeleton, lit by a gray sky, in the centre + of which grew a single flowering bush, which again and again I looked at + with a shudder,—the forecast of this mournful hour!” + </p> + <p> + All was gloom in the little castle, once so animated, so full of life. The + servants were weeping; despair and desolation everywhere. The paths were + not raked, work was begun and left undone, the workmen standing idly about + the house. Though the grapes were being gathered in the vineyard, not a + sound reached us. The place seemed uninhabited, so deep the silence! We + walked about like men whose grief rejects all ordinary topics, and we + listened to the count, the only one of us who spoke. + </p> + <p> + After a few words prompted by the mechanical love he felt for his wife he + was led by the natural bent of his mind to complain of her. She had never, + he said, taken care of herself or listened to him when he gave her good + advice. He had been the first to notice the symptoms of her illness, for + he had studied them in his own case; he had fought them and cured them + without other assistance than careful diet and the avoidance of all + emotion. He could have cured the countess, but a husband ought not to take + so much responsibility upon himself, especially when he has the misfortune + of finding his experience, in this as in everything, despised. In spite of + all he could say, the countess insisted on seeing Origet,—Origet, + who had managed his case so ill, was now killing his wife. If this disease + was, as they said, the result of excessive grief, surely he was the one + who had been in a condition to have it. What griefs could the countess + have had? She was always happy; she had never had troubles or annoyances. + Their fortune, thanks to his care and to his sound ideas, was now in a + most satisfactory state; he had always allowed Madame de Mortsauf to reign + at Clochegourde; her children, well trained and now in health, gave her no + anxiety,—where, then, did this grief they talked of come from? + </p> + <p> + Thus he argued and discussed the matter, mingling his expressions of + despair with senseless accusations. Then, recalled by some sudden memory + to the admiration which he felt for his wife, tears rolled from his eyes + which had been dry so long. + </p> + <p> + Madeleine came to tell me that her mother was ready. The Abbe Birotteau + followed me. Madeleine, now a grave young girl, stayed with her father, + saying that the countess desired to be alone with me, and also that the + presence of too many persons would fatigue her. The solemnity of this + moment gave me that sense of inward heat and outward cold which overcomes + us often in the great events of life. The Abbe Birotteau, one of those men + whom God marks for his own by investing them with sweetness and + simplicity, together with patience and compassion, took me aside. + </p> + <p> + “Monsieur,” he said, “I wish you to know that I have done all in my power + to prevent this meeting. The salvation of this saint required it. I have + considered her only, and not you. Now that you are about to see her to + whom access ought to have been denied you by the angels, let me say that I + shall be present to protect you against yourself and perhaps against her. + Respect her weakness. I do not ask this of you as a priest, but as a + humble friend whom you did not know you had, and who would fain save you + from remorse. Our dear patient is dying of hunger and thirst. Since + morning she is a victim to the feverish irritation which precedes that + horrible death, and I cannot conceal from you how deeply she regrets life. + The cries of her rebellious flesh are stifled in my heart—where they + wake echoes of a wound still tender. But Monsieur de Dominis and I accept + this duty that we may spare the sight of this moral anguish to her family; + as it is, they no longer recognize their star by night and by day in her; + they all, husband, children, servants, all are asking, ‘Where is she?’—she + is so changed! When she sees you, her regrets will revive. Lay aside your + thoughts as a man of the world, forget its vanities, be to her the + auxiliary of heaven, not of earth. Pray God that this dear saint die not + in a moment of doubt, giving voice to her despair.” + </p> + <p> + I did not answer. My silence alarmed the poor confessor. I saw, I heard, I + walked, and yet I was no longer on the earth. The thought, “In what state + shall I find her? Why do they use these precautions?” gave rise to + apprehensions which were the more cruel because so indefinite; all forms + of suffering crowded my mind. + </p> + <p> + We reached the door of the chamber and the abbe opened it. I then saw + Henriette, dressed in white, sitting on her little sofa which was placed + before the fireplace, on which were two vases filled with flowers; flowers + were also on a table near the window. The expression of the abbe’s face, + which was that of amazement at the change in the room, now restored to its + former state, showing me that the dying woman had sent away the repulsive + preparations which surround a sick-bed. She had spent the last waning + strength of fever in decorating her room to receive him whom in that final + hour she loved above all things else. Surrounded by clouds of lace, her + shrunken face, which had the greenish pallor of a magnolia flower as it + opens, resembled the first outline of a cherished head drawn in chalks + upon the yellow canvas of a portrait. To feel how deeply the vulture’s + talons now buried themselves in my heart, imagine the eyes of that + outlined face finished and full of life,—hollow eyes which shone + with a brilliancy unusual in a dying person. The calm majesty given to her + in the past by her constant victory over sorrow was there no longer. Her + forehead, the only part of her face which still kept its beautiful + proportions, wore an expression of aggressive will and covert threats. In + spite of the waxy texture of her elongated face, inward fires were issuing + from it like the fluid mist which seems to flame above the fields of a hot + day. Her hollow temples, her sunken cheeks showed the interior formation + of the face, and the smile upon her whitened lips vaguely resembled the + grin of death. Her robe, which was folded across her breast, showed the + emaciation of her beautiful figure. The expression of her head said + plainly that she knew she was changed, and that the thought filled her + with bitterness. She was no longer the arch Henriette, nor the sublime and + saintly Madame de Mortsauf, but the nameless something of Bossuet + struggling against annihilation, driven to the selfish battle of life + against death by hunger and balked desire. I took her hand, which was dry + and burning, to kiss it, as I seated myself beside her. She guessed my + sorrowful surprise from the very effort that I made to hide it. Her + discolored lips drew up from her famished teeth trying to form a smile,—the + forced smile with which we strive to hide either the irony of vengeance, + the expectation of pleasure, the intoxication of our souls, or the fury of + disappointment. + </p> + <p> + “Ah, my poor Felix, this is death,” she said, “and you do not like death; + odious death, of which every human creature, even the boldest lover, feels + a horror. This is the end of love; I knew it would be so. Lady Dudley will + never see you thus surprised at the change in her. Ah! why have I so + longed for you, Felix? You have come at last, and I reward your devotion + by the same horrible sight that made the Comte de Rance a Trappist. I, who + hoped to remain ever beautiful and noble in your memory, to live there + eternally a lily, I it is who destroy your illusions! True love cannot + calculate. But stay; do not go, stay. Monsieur Origet said I was much + better this morning; I shall recover. Your looks will bring me back to + life. When I regain a little strength, when I can take some nourishment, I + shall be beautiful again. I am scarcely thirty-five, there are many years + of happiness before me,—happiness renews our youth; yes, I must know + happiness! I have made delightful plans,—we will leave Clochegourde + and go to Italy.” + </p> + <p> + Tears filled my eyes and I turned to the window as if to look at the + flowers. The abbe followed me hastily, and bending over the bouquet + whispered, “No tears!” + </p> + <p> + “Henriette, do you no longer care for our dear valley,” I said, as if to + explain my sudden movement. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, yes!” she said, turning her forehead to my lips with a fond motion. + “But without you it is fatal to me,—without <i>thee</i>,” she added, + putting her burning lips to my ear and whispering the words like a sigh. + </p> + <p> + I was horror-struck at the wild caress, and my will was not strong enough + to repress the nervous agitation I felt throughout this scene. I listened + without reply; or rather I replied by a fixed smile and signs of + comprehension; wishing not to thwart her, but to treat her as a mother + does a child. Struck at first with the change in her person, I now + perceived that the woman, once so dignified in her bearing, showed in her + attitude, her voice, her manners, in her looks and her ideas, the naive + ignorance of a child, its artless graces, its eager movements, its + careless indifference to everything that is not its own desire,—in + short all the weaknesses which commend a child to our protection. Is it so + with all dying persons? Do they strip off social disguises till they are + like children who have never put them on? Or was it that the countess + feeling herself on the borders of eternity, rejected every human feeling + except love? + </p> + <p> + “You will bring me health as you used to do, Felix,” she said, “and our + valley will still be my blessing. How can I help eating what you will give + me? You are such a good nurse. Besides, you are so rich in health and + vigor that life is contagious beside you. My friend, prove to me that I + need not die—die blighted. They think my worst suffering is thirst. + Oh, yes, my thirst is great, dear friend. The waters of the Indre are + terrible to see; but the thirst of my heart is greater far. I thirsted for + thee,” she said in a smothered voice, taking my hands in hers, which were + burning, and drawing me close that she might whisper in my ear. “My + anguish has been in not seeing thee! Did you not bid me live? I will live; + I too will ride on horseback; I will know life, Paris, fetes, pleasures, + all!” + </p> + <p> + Ah! Natalie, that awful cry—which time and distance render cold—rang + in the ears of the old priest and in mine; the tones of that glorious + voice pictured the battles of a lifetime, the anguish of a true love lost. + The countess rose with an impatient movement like that of a child which + seeks a plaything. When the confessor saw her thus the poor man fell upon + his knees and prayed with clasped hands. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, to live!” she said, making me rise and support her; “to live with + realities and not with delusions. All has been delusions in my life; I + have counted them up, these lies, these impostures! How can I die, I who + have never lived? I who have never roamed a moor to meet him!” She + stopped, seemed to listen, and to smell some odor through the walls. + “Felix, the vintagers are dining, and I, I,” she said, in the voice of a + child, “I, the mistress, am hungry. It is so in love,—they are + happy, they, they!—” + </p> + <p> + “Kyrie eleison!” said the poor abbe, who with clasped hands and eyes + raised to heaven was reciting his litanies. + </p> + <p> + She flung an arm around my neck, kissed me violently, and pressed me to + her, saying, “You shall not escape me now!” She gave the little nod with + which in former days she used, when leaving me for an instant, to say she + would return. “We will dine together,” she said; “I will go and tell + Manette.” She turned to go, but fainted; and I laid her, dressed as she + was, upon the bed. + </p> + <p> + “You carried me thus before,” she murmured, opening her eyes. + </p> + <p> + She was very light, but burning; as I took her in my arms I felt the heat + of her body. Monsieur Deslandes entered and seemed surprised at the + decoration of the room; but seeing me, all was explained to him. + </p> + <p> + “We must suffer much to die,” she said in a changed voice. + </p> + <p> + The doctor sat down and felt her pulse, then he rose quickly and said a + few words in a low voice to the priest, who left the room beckoning me to + follow him. + </p> + <p> + “What are you going to do?” I said to the doctor. + </p> + <p> + “Save her from intolerable agony,” he replied. “Who could have believed in + so much strength? We cannot understand how she can have lived in this + state so long. This is the forty-second day since she has either eaten or + drunk.” + </p> + <p> + Monsieur Deslandes called for Manette. The Abbe Birotteau took me to the + gardens. + </p> + <p> + “Let us leave her to the doctor,” he said; “with Manette’s help he will + wrap her in opium. Well, you have heard her now—if indeed it is she + herself.” + </p> + <p> + “No,” I said, “it is not she.” + </p> + <p> + I was stupefied with grief. I left the grounds by the little gate of the + lower terrace and went to the punt, in which I hid to be alone with my + thoughts. I tried to detach myself from the being in which I lived,—a + torture like that with which the Tartars punish adultery by fastening a + limb of the guilty man in a piece of wood and leaving him with a knife to + cut it off if he would not die of hunger. My life was a failure, too! + Despair suggested many strange ideas to me. Sometimes I vowed to die + beside her; sometimes to bury myself at Meilleraye among the Trappists. I + looked at the windows of the room where Henriette was dying, fancying I + saw the light that was burning there the night I betrothed my soul to + hers. Ah! ought I not to have followed the simple life she had created for + me, keeping myself faithfully to her while I worked in the world? Had she + not bidden me become a great man expressly that I might be saved from base + and shameful passions? Chastity! was it not a sublime distinction which I + had not know how to keep? Love, as Arabella understood it, suddenly + disgusted me. As I raised my humbled head asking myself where, in future, + I could look for light and hope, what interest could hold me to life, the + air was stirred by a sudden noise. I turned to the terrace and there saw + Madeleine walking alone, with slow steps. During the time it took me to + ascend the terrace, intending to ask the dear child the reason of the cold + look she had given me when kneeling at the foot of the cross, she had + seated herself on the bench. When she saw me approach her, she rose, + pretending not to have seen me, and returned towards the house in a + significantly hasty manner. She hated me; she fled from her mother’s + murderer. + </p> + <p> + When I reached the portico I saw Madeleine like a statue, motionless and + erect, evidently listening to the sound of my steps. Jacques was sitting + in the portico. His attitude expressed the same insensibility to what was + going on about him that I had noticed when I first saw him; it suggested + ideas such as we lay aside in some corner of our mind to take up and study + at our leisure. I have remarked that young persons who carry death within + them are usually unmoved at funerals. I longed to question that gloomy + spirit. Had Madeleine kept her thoughts to herself, or had she inspired + Jacques with her hatred? + </p> + <p> + “You know, Jacques,” I said, to begin the conversation, “that in me you + have a most devoted brother.” + </p> + <p> + “Your friendship is useless to me; I shall follow my mother,” he said, + giving me a sullen look of pain. + </p> + <p> + “Jacques!” I cried, “you, too, against me?” + </p> + <p> + He coughed and walked away; when he returned he showed me his handkerchief + stained with blood. + </p> + <p> + “Do you understand that?” he said. + </p> + <p> + Thus they had each of them a fatal secret. I saw before long that the + brother and sister avoided each other. Henriette laid low, all was in + ruins at Clochegourde. + </p> + <p> + “Madame is asleep,” Manette came to say, quite happy in knowing that the + countess was out of pain. + </p> + <p> + In these dreadful moments, though each person knows the inevitable end, + strong affections fasten on such minor joys. Minutes are centuries which + we long to make restorative; we wish our dear ones to lie on roses, we + pray to bear their sufferings, we cling to the hope that their last moment + may be to them unexpected. + </p> + <p> + “Monsieur Deslandes has ordered the flowers taken away; they excited + Madame’s nerves,” said Manette. + </p> + <p> + Then it was the flowers that caused her delirium; she herself was not a + part of it. + </p> + <p> + “Come, Monsieur Felix,” added Manette, “come and see Madame; she is + beautiful as an angel.” + </p> + <p> + I returned to the dying woman just as the setting sun was gilding the + lace-work on the roofs of the chateau of Azay. All was calm and pure. A + soft light lit the bed on which my Henriette was lying, wrapped in opium. + The body was, as it were, annihilated; the soul alone reigned on that + face, serene as the skies when the tempest is over. Blanche and Henriette, + two sublime faces of the same woman, reappeared; all the more beautiful + because my recollection, my thought, my imagination, aiding nature, + repaired the devastation of each dear feature, where now the soul + triumphant sent its gleams through the calm pulsations of her breathing. + The two abbes were sitting at the foot of the bed. The count stood, as + though stupefied by the banners of death which floated above that adored + being. I took her seat on the sofa. We all four turned to each other looks + in which admiration for that celestial beauty mingled with tears of + mourning. The lights of thought announced the return of the Divine Spirit + to that glorious tabernacle. + </p> + <p> + The Abbe Dominis and I spoke in signs, communicating to each other our + mutual ideas. Yes, the angels were watching her! yes, their flaming swords + shone above that noble brow, which the august expression of her virtue + made, as it were, a visible soul conversing with the spirits of its + sphere. The lines of her face cleared; all in her was exalted and became + majestic beneath the unseen incense of the seraphs who guarded her. The + green tints of bodily suffering gave place to pure white tones, the cold + wan pallor of approaching death. Jacques and Madeleine entered. Madeleine + made us quiver by the adoring impulse which flung her on her knees beside + the bed, crying out, with clasped hand: “My mother! here is my mother!” + Jacques smiled; he knew he would follow her where she went. + </p> + <p> + “She is entering the haven,” said the Abbe Birotteau. + </p> + <p> + The Abbe Dominis looked at me as if to say: “Did I not tell you the star + would rise in all its glory?” + </p> + <p> + Madeleine knelt with her eyes fixed on her mother, breathing when she + breathed, listening to the soft breath, the last thread by which she held + to life, and which we followed in terror, fearing that every effort of + respiration might be the last. Like an angel at the gates of the + sanctuary, the young girl was eager yet calm, strong but reverent. At that + moment the Angelus rang from the village clock-tower. Waves of tempered + air brought its reverberations to remind us that this was the sacred hour + when Christianity repeats the words said by the angel to the woman who has + redeemed the faults of her sex. “Ave Maria!”—surely, at this moment + the words were a salutation from heaven. The prophecy was so plain, the + event so near that we burst into tears. The murmuring sounds of evening, + melodious breezes in the leafage, last warbling of the birds, the hum and + echo of the insects, the voices of the waters, the plaintive cry of the + tree-frog,—all country things were bidding farewell to the loveliest + lily of the valley, to her simple, rural life. The religious poesy of the + hour, now added to that of Nature, expressed so vividly the psalm of the + departing soul that our sobs redoubled. + </p> + <p> + Though the door of the chamber was open we were all so plunged in + contemplation of the scene, as if to imprint its memories forever on our + souls, that we did not notice the family servants who were kneeling as a + group and praying fervently. These poor people, living on hope, had + believed their mistress might be spared, and this plain warning overcame + them. At a sign from the Abbe Birotteau the old huntsman went to fetch the + curate of Sache. The doctor, standing by the bed, calm as science, and + holding the hand of the still sleeping woman, had made the confessor a + sign to say that this sleep was the only hour without pain which remained + for the recalled angel. The moment had come to administer the last + sacraments of the Church. At nine o’clock she awoke quietly, looked at us + with surprised but gentle eyes, and we beheld our idol once more in all + the beauty of former days. + </p> + <p> + “Mother! you are too beautiful to die—life and health are coming + back to you!” cried Madeleine. + </p> + <p> + “Dear daughter, I shall live—in thee,” she answered, smiling. + </p> + <p> + Then followed heart-rending embraces of the mother and her children. + Monsieur de Mortsauf kissed his wife upon her brow. She colored when she + saw me. + </p> + <p> + “Dear Felix,” she said, “this is, I think, the only grief that I shall + ever have caused you. Forget all that I may have said,—I, a poor + creature much beside myself.” She held out her hand; I took it and kissed + it. Then she said, with her chaste and gracious smile, “As in the old + days, Felix?” + </p> + <p> + We all left the room and went into the salon during the last confession. I + approached Madeleine. In presence of others she could not escape me + without a breach of civility; but, like her mother, she looked at no one, + and kept silence without even once turning her eyes in my direction. + </p> + <p> + “Dear Madeleine,” I said in a low voice, “What have you against me? Why do + you show such coldness in the presence of death, which ought to reconcile + us all?” + </p> + <p> + “I hear in my heart what my mother is saying at this moment,” she replied, + with a look which Ingres gave to his “Mother of God,”—that virgin, + already sorrowful, preparing herself to protect the world for which her + son was about to die. + </p> + <p> + “And you condemn me at the moment when your mother absolves me,—if + indeed I am guilty.” + </p> + <p> + “You, <i>you</i>,” she said, “always <i>your self</i>!” + </p> + <p> + The tones of her voice revealed the determined hatred of a Corsican, + implacable as the judgments of those who, not having studied life, admit + of no extenuation of faults committed against the laws of the heart. + </p> + <p> + An hour went by in deepest silence. The Abbe Birotteau came to us after + receiving the countess’s general confession, and we followed him back to + the room where Henriette, under one of those impulses which often come to + noble minds, all sisters of one intent, had made them dress her in the + long white garment which was to be her shroud. We found her sitting up; + beautiful from expiation, beautiful in hope. I saw in the fireplace the + black ashes of my letters which had just been burned, a sacrifice which, + as her confessor afterwards told me, she had not been willing to make + until the hour of her death. She smiled upon us all with the smile of + other days. Her eyes, moist with tears, gave evidence of inward lucidity; + she saw the celestial joys of the promised land. + </p> + <p> + “Dear Felix,” she said, holding out her hand and pressing mine, “stay with + us. You must be present at the last scene of my life, not the least + painful among many such, but one in which you are concerned.” + </p> + <p> + She made a sign and the door was closed. At her request the count sat + down; the Abbe Birotteau and I remained standing. Then with Manette’s help + the countess rose and knelt before the astonished count, persisting in + remaining there. A moment after, when Manette had left the room, she + raised her head which she had laid upon her husband’s knees. + </p> + <p> + “Though I have been a faithful wife to you,” she said, in a faint voice, + “I have sometimes failed in my duty. I have just prayed to God to give me + strength to ask your pardon. I have given to a friendship outside of my + family more affectionate care than I have shown to you. Perhaps I have + sometimes irritated you by the comparisons you may have made between these + cares, these thoughts, and those I gave to you. I have had,” she said, in + a sinking voice, “a deep friendship, which no one, not even he who has + been its object, has fully known. Though I have continued virtuous + according to all human laws, though I have been a irreproachable wife to + you, still other thoughts, voluntary or involuntary, have often crossed my + mind and, in this hour, I fear I have welcomed them too warmly. But as I + have tenderly loved you, and continued to be your submissive wife, and as + the clouds passing beneath the sky do not alter its purity, I now pray for + your blessing with a clean heart. I shall die without one bitter thought + if I can hear from your lips a tender word for your Blanche, for the + mother of your children,—if I know that you forgive her those things + for which she did not forgive herself till reassured by the great tribunal + which pardons all.” + </p> + <p> + “Blanche, Blanche!” cried the broken man, shedding tears upon his wife’s + head, “Would you kill me?” He raised her with a strength unusual to him, + kissed her solemnly on the forehead, and thus holding her continued: “Have + I no forgiveness to ask of you? Have I never been harsh? Are you not + making too much of your girlish scruples?” + </p> + <p> + “Perhaps,” she said. “But, dear friend, indulge the weakness of a dying + woman; tranquillize my mind. When you reach this hour you will remember + that I left you with a blessing. Will you grant me permission to leave to + our friend now here that pledge of my affection?” she continued, showing a + letter that was on the mantelshelf. “He is now my adopted son, and that is + all. The heart, dear friend, makes its bequests; my last wishes impose a + sacred duty on that dear Felix. I think I do not put too great a burden on + him; grant that I do not ask too much of you in desiring to leave him + these last words. You see, I am always a woman,” she said, bending her + head with mournful sweetness; “after obtaining pardon I ask a gift—Read + this,” she added, giving me the letter; “but not until after my death.” + </p> + <p> + The count saw her color change: he lifted her and carried her himself to + the bed, where we all surrounded her. + </p> + <p> + “Felix,” she said, “I may have done something wrong to you. Often I gave + you pain by letting you hope for that I could not give you; but see, it + was that very courage of wife and mother that now enables me to die + forgiven of all. You will forgive me too; you who have so often blamed me, + and whose injustice was so dear—” + </p> + <p> + The Abbe Birotteau laid a finger on his lips. At that sign the dying woman + bowed her head, faintness overcame her; presently she waved her hands as + if summoning the clergy and her children and the servants to her presence, + and then, with an imploring gesture, she showed me the desolate count and + the children beside him. The sight of that father, the secret of whose + insanity was known to us alone, now to be left sole guardian of those + delicate beings, brought mute entreaties to her face, which fell upon my + heart like sacred fire. Before receiving extreme unction she asked pardon + of her servants if by a hasty word she had sometimes hurt them; she asked + their prayers and commended each one, individually, to the count; she + nobly confessed that during the last two months she had uttered complaints + that were not Christian and might have shocked them; she had repulsed her + children and clung to life unworthily; but she attributed this failure of + submission to the will of God to her intolerable sufferings. Finally, she + publicly thanked the Abbe Birotteau with heartfelt warmth for having shown + her the illusion of all earthly things. + </p> + <p> + When she ceased to speak, prayers were said again, and the curate of Sache + gave her the viaticum. A few moments later her breathing became difficult; + a film overspread her eyes, but soon they cleared again; she gave me a + last look and died to the eyes of earth, hearing perhaps the symphony of + our sobs. As her last sigh issued from her lips,—the effort of a + life that was one long anguish,—I felt a blow within me that struck + on all my faculties. The count and I remained beside the bier all night + with the two abbes and the curate, watching, in the glimmer of the tapers, + the body of the departed, now so calm, laid upon the mattress of her bed, + where once she had suffered cruelly. It was my first communion with death. + I remained the whole of that night with my eyes fixed on Henriette, + spell-bound by the pure expression that came from the stilling of all + tempests, by the whiteness of that face where still I saw the traces of + her innumerable affections, although it made no answer to my love. What + majesty in that silence, in that coldness! How many thoughts they + expressed! What beauty in that cold repose, what power in that immobility! + All the past was there and futurity had begun. Ah! I loved her dead as + much as I had loved her living. In the morning the count went to bed; the + three wearied priests fell asleep in that heavy hour of dawn so well known + to those who watch. I could then, without witnesses, kiss that sacred brow + with all the love I had never been allowed to utter. + </p> + <p> + The third day, in a cool autumn morning, we followed the countess to her + last home. She was carried by the old huntsman, the two Martineaus, and + Manette’s husband. We went down by the road I had so joyously ascended the + day I first returned to her. We crossed the valley of the Indre to the + little cemetery of Sache—a poor village graveyard, placed behind the + church on the slope of the hill, where with true humility she had asked to + be buried beneath a simple cross of black wood, “like a poor + country-woman,” she said. When I saw, from the centre of the valley, the + village church and the place of the graveyard a convulsive shudder seized + me. Alas! we have all our Golgothas, where we leave the first thirty-three + years of our lives, with the lance-wound in our side, the crown of thorns + and not of roses on our brow—that hill-slope was to me the mount of + expiation. + </p> + <p> + We were followed by an immense crowd, seeking to express the grief of the + valley where she had silently buried so many noble actions. Manette, her + faithful woman, told me that when her savings did not suffice to help the + poor she economized upon her dress. There were babes to be provided for, + naked children to be clothed, mothers succored in their need, sacks of + flour brought to the millers in winter for helpless old men, a cow sent to + some poor home,—deeds of a Christian woman, a mother, and the lady + of the manor. Besides these things, there were dowries paid to enable + loving hearts to marry; substitutes bought for youths to whom the draft + had brought despair, tender offerings of the loving woman who had said: + “The happiness of others is the consolation of those who cannot themselves + be happy.” Such things, related at the “veillees,” made the crowd immense. + I walked with Jacques and the two abbes behind the coffin. According to + custom neither the count nor Madeleine were present; they remained alone + at Clochegourde. But Manette insisted in coming with us. “Poor madame! + poor madame! she is happy now,” I heard her saying to herself amid her + sobs. + </p> + <p> + As the procession left the road to the mills I heard a simultaneous moan + and a sound of weeping as though the valley were lamenting for its soul. + The church was filled with people. After the service was over we went to + the graveyard where she wished to be buried near the cross. When I heard + the pebbles and the gravel falling upon the coffin my courage gave way; I + staggered and asked the two Martineaus to steady me. They took me, + half-dead, to the chateau of Sache, where the owners very kindly invited + me to stay, and I accepted. I will own to you that I dreaded a return to + Clochegourde, and it was equally repugnant to me to go to Frapesle, where + I could see my Henriette’s windows. Here, at Sache, I was near her. I + lived for some days in a room which looked on the tranquil, solitary + valley I have mentioned to you. It is a deep recess among the hills, + bordered by oaks that are doubly centenarian, through which a torrent + rushes after rain. The scene was in keeping with the stern and solemn + meditations to which I desired to abandon myself. + </p> + <p> + I had perceived, during the day which followed the fatal night, how + unwelcome my presence might be at Clochegourde. The count had gone through + violent emotions at the death of his wife; but he had expected the event; + his mind was made up to it in a way that was something like indifference. + I had noticed this several times, and when the countess gave me that + letter (which I still dared not read) and when she spoke of her affection + for me, I remarked that the count, usually so quick to take offence, made + no sign of feeling any. He attributed Henriette’s wording to the extreme + sensitiveness of a conscience which he knew to be pure. This selfish + insensibility was natural to him. The souls of these two beings were no + more married than their bodies; they had never had the intimate communion + which keeps feeling alive; they had shared neither pains nor pleasures, + those strong links which tear us by a thousand edges when broken, because + they touch on all our fibers, and are fastened to the inmost recesses of + our hearts. + </p> + <p> + Another consideration forbade my return to Clochegourde,—Madeleine’s + hostility. That hard young girl was not disposed to modify her hatred + beside her mother’s coffin. Between the count, who would have talked to me + incessantly of himself, and the new mistress of the house, who would have + shown me invincible dislike, I should have found myself horribly annoyed. + To be treated thus where once the very flowers welcomed me, where the + steps of the portico had a voice, where my memory clothed with poetry the + balconies, the fountains, the balustrades, the trees, the glimpses of the + valleys! to be hated where I once was loved—the thought was + intolerable to me. So, from the first, my mind was made up. + </p> + <p> + Alas! alas! was this the end of the keenest love that ever entered the + heart of man? To the eyes of strangers my conduct might be reprehensible, + but it had the sanction of my own conscience. It is thus that the noblest + feelings, the sublimest dramas of our youth must end. We start at dawn, as + I from Tours to Clochegourde, we clutch the world, our hearts hungry for + love; then, when our treasure is in the crucible, when we mingle with men + and circumstances, all becomes gradually debased and we find but little + gold among the ashes. Such is life! life as it is; great pretensions, + small realities. I meditated long about myself, debating what I could do + after a blow like this which had mown down every flower of my soul. I + resolved to rush into the science of politics, into the labyrinth of + ambition, to cast woman from my life and to make myself a statesman, cold + and passionless, and so remain true to the saint I loved. My thoughts + wandered into far-off regions while my eyes were fastened on the splendid + tapestry of the yellowing oaks, the stern summits, the bronzed foothills. + I asked myself if Henriette’s virtue were not, after all, that of + ignorance, and if I were indeed guilty of her death. I fought against + remorse. At last, in the sweetness of an autumn midday, one of those last + smiles of heaven which are so beautiful in Touraine, I read the letter + which at her request I was not to open before her death. Judge of my + feelings as I read it. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Madame de Mortsauf to the Vicomte Felix de Vandenesse: + + Felix, friend, loved too well, I must now lay bare my heart to + you,—not so much to prove my love as to show you the weight of + obligation you have incurred by the depth and gravity of the + wounds you have inflicted on it. At this moment, when I sink + exhausted by the toils of life, worn out by the shocks of its + battle, the woman within me is, mercifully, dead; the mother alone + survives. Dear, you are now to see how it was that you were the + original cause of all my sufferings. Later, I willingly received + your blows; to-day I am dying of the final wound your hand has + given,—but there is joy, excessive joy in feeling myself + destroyed by him I love. + + My physical sufferings will soon put an end to my mental strength; + I therefore use the last clear gleams of intelligence to implore + you to befriend my children and replace the heart of which you + have deprived them. I would solemnly impose this duty upon you if + I loved you less; but I prefer to let you choose it for yourself + as an act of sacred repentance, and also in faithful continuance + of your love—love, for us, was ever mingled with repentant + thoughts and expiatory fears! but—I know it well—we shall + forever love each other. Your wrong to me was not so fatal an act + in itself as the power which I let it have within me. Did I not + tell you I was jealous, jealous unto death? Well, I die of it. + But, be comforted, we have kept all human laws. The Church has + told me, by one of her purest voices, that God will be forgiving + to those who subdue their natural desires to His commandments. My + beloved, you are now to know all, for I would not leave you in + ignorance of any thought of mine. What I confide to God in my last + hour you, too, must know,—you, king of my heart as He is King of + Heaven. + + Until the ball given to the Duc d’Angouleme (the only ball at + which I was ever present), marriage had left me in that ignorance + which gives to the soul of a young girl the beauty of the angels. + True, I was a mother, but love had never surrounded me with its + permitted pleasures. How did this happen? I do not know; neither + do I know by what law everything within me changed in a moment. + You remember your kisses? they have mastered my life, they have + furrowed my soul; the ardor of your blood awoke the ardor of mine; + your youth entered my youth, your desires my soul. When I rose and + left you proudly I was filled with an emotion for which I know no + name in any language—for children have not yet found a word to + express the marriage of their eyes with light, nor the kiss of + life laid upon their lips. Yes, it was sound coming in the echo, + light flashing through the darkness, motion shaking the universe; + at least, it was rapid like all these things, but far more + beautiful, for it was the birth of the soul! I comprehended then + that something, I knew not what, existed for me in the world,—a + force nobler than thought; for it was all thoughts, all forces, it + was the future itself in a shared emotion. I felt I was but half a + mother. Falling thus upon my heart this thunderbolt awoke desires + which slumbered there without my knowledge; suddenly I divined all + that my aunt had meant when she kissed my forehead, murmuring, + “Poor Henriette!” + + When I returned to Clochegourde, the springtime, the first leaves, + the fragrance of the flowers, the white and fleecy clouds, the + Indre, the sky, all spoke to me in a language till then unknown. + If you have forgotten those terrible kisses, I have never been + able to efface them from my memory,—I am dying of them! Yes, each + time that I have met you since, their impress is revived. I was + shaken from head to foot when I first saw you; the mere + presentiment of your coming overcame me. Neither time nor my firm + will has enabled me to conquer that imperious sense of pleasure. I + asked myself involuntarily, “What must be such joys?” Our mutual + looks, the respectful kisses you laid upon my hand, the pressure + of my arm on yours, your voice with its tender tones,—all, even + the slightest things, shook me so violently that clouds obscured + my sight; the murmur of rebellious senses filled my ears. Ah! if + in those moments when outwardly I increased my coldness you had + taken me in your arms I should have died of happiness. Sometimes I + desired it, but prayer subdued the evil thought. Your name uttered + by my children filled my heart with warmer blood, which gave color + to my cheeks; I laid snares for my poor Madeleine to induce her to + say it, so much did I love the tumults of that sensation. Ah! what + shall I say to you? Your writing had a charm; I gazed at your + letters as we look at a portrait. + + If on that first day you obtained some fatal power over me, + conceive, dear friend, how infinite that power became when it was + given to me to read your soul. What delights filled me when I + found you so pure, so absolutely truthful, gifted with noble + qualities, capable of noblest things, and already so tried! Man + and child, timid yet brave! What joy to find we both were + consecrated by a common grief! Ever since that evening when we + confided our childhoods to each other, I have known that to lose + you would be death,—yes, I have kept you by me selfishly. The + certainty felt by Monsieur de la Berge that I should die if I lost + you touched him deeply, for he read my soul. He knew how necessary + I was to my children and the count; he did not command me to + forbid you my house, for I promised to continue pure in deed and + thought. “Thought,” he said to me, “is involuntary, but it can be + watched even in the midst of anguish.” “If I think,” I replied, + “all will be lost; save me from myself. Let him remain beside me + and keep me pure!” The good old man, though stern, was moved by my + sincerity. “Love him as you would a son, and give him your + daughter,” he said. I accepted bravely that life of suffering that + I might not lose you, and I suffered joyfully, seeing that we were + called to bear the same yoke—My God! I have been firm, faithful + to my husband; I have given you no foothold, Felix, in your + kingdom. The grandeur of my passion has reacted on my character; I + have regarded the tortures Monsieur de Mortsauf has inflicted on + me as expiations; I bore them proudly in condemnation of my faulty + desires. Formerly I was disposed to murmur at my life, but since + you entered it I have recovered some gaiety, and this has been the + better for the count. Without this strength, which I derived + through you, I should long since have succumbed to the inward life + of which I told you. + + If you have counted for much in the exercise of my duty so have my + children also. I felt I had deprived them of something, and I + feared I could never do enough to make amends to them; my life was + thus a continual struggle which I loved. Feeling that I was less a + mother, less an honest wife, remorse entered my heart; fearing to + fail in my obligations, I constantly went beyond them. Often have + I put Madeleine between you and me, giving you to each other, + raising barriers between us,—barriers that were powerless! for + what could stifle the emotions which you caused me? Absent or + present, you had the same power. I preferred Madeleine to Jacques + because Madeleine was sometime to be yours. But I did not yield + you to my daughter without a struggle. I told myself that I was + only twenty-eight when I first met you, and you were nearly + twenty-two; I shortened the distance between us; I gave myself up + to delusive hopes. Oh, Felix! I tell you these things to save you + from remorse; also, perhaps, to show you that I was not cold and + insensible, that our sufferings were cruelly mutual; that Arabella + had no superiority of love over mine. I too am the daughter of a + fallen race, such as men love well. + + There came a moment when the struggle was so terrible that I wept + the long nights through; my hair fell off,—you have it! Do you + remember the count’s illness? Your nobility of soul far from + raising my soul belittled it. Alas! I dreamed of giving myself to + you some day as the reward of so much heroism; but the folly was a + brief one. I laid it at the feet of God during the mass that day + when you refused to be with me. Jacques’ illness and Madeleine’s + sufferings seemed to me the warnings of God calling back to Him + His lost sheep. + + Then your love—which is so natural—for that Englishwoman + revealed to me secrets of which I had no knowledge. I loved you + better than I knew. The constant emotions of this stormy life, the + efforts that I made to subdue myself with no other succor than + that religion gave me, all, all has brought about the malady of + which I die. The terrible shocks I have undergone brought on + attacks about which I kept silence. I saw in death the sole + solution of this hidden tragedy. A lifetime of anger, jealousy, + and rage lay in those two months between the time my mother told + me of your relations with Lady Dudley, and your return to + Clochegourde. I wished to go to Paris; murder was in my heart; I + desired that woman’s death; I was indifferent to my children. + Prayer, which had hitherto been to me a balm, was now without + influence on my soul. Jealousy made the breach through which death + has entered. And yet I have kept a placid brow. Yes, that period + of struggle was a secret between God and myself. After your return + and when I saw that I was loved, even as I loved you, that nature + had betrayed me and not your thought, I wished to live,—it was + then too late! God had taken me under His protection, filled no + doubt with pity for a being true with herself, true with Him, + whose sufferings had often led her to the gates of the sanctuary. + + My beloved! God has judged me, Monsieur de Mortsauf will pardon + me, but you—will you be merciful? Will you listen to this voice + which now issues from my tomb? Will you repair the evils of which + we are equally guilty?—you, perhaps, less than I. You know what I + wish to ask of you. Be to Monsieur de Mortsauf what a sister of + charity is to a sick man; listen to him, love him—no one loves + him. Interpose between him and his children as I have done. Your + task will not be a long one. Jacques will soon leave home to be in + Paris near his grandfather, and you have long promised me to guide + him through the dangers of that life. As for Madeleine, she will + marry; I pray that you may please her. She is all myself, but + stronger; she has the will in which I am lacking; the energy + necessary for the companion of a man whose career destines him to + the storms of political life; she is clever and perceptive. If + your lives are united she will be happier than her mother. By + acquiring the right to continue my work at Clochegourde you will + blot out the faults I have not sufficiently expiated, though they + are pardoned in heaven and also on earth, for <i>he</i> is generous and + will forgive me. You see I am ever selfish; is it not the proof of + a despotic love? I wish you to still love me in mine. Unable to be + yours in life, I bequeath to you my thoughts and also my duties. + If you do not wish to marry Madeleine you will at least seek the + repose of my soul by making Monsieur de Mortsauf as happy as he + ever can be. + + Farewell, dear child of my heart; this is the farewell of a mind + absolutely sane, still full of life; the farewell of a spirit on + which thou hast shed too many and too great joys to suffer thee to + feel remorse for the catastrophe they have caused. I use that word + “catastrophe” thinking of you and how you love me; as for me, I + reach the haven of my rest, sacrificed to duty and not without + regret—ah! I tremble at that thought. God knows better than I + whether I have fulfilled his holy laws in accordance with their + spirit. Often, no doubt, I have tottered, but I have not fallen; + the most potent cause of my wrong-doing lay in the grandeur of the + seductions that encompassed me. The Lord will behold me trembling + when I enter His presence as though I had succumbed. Farewell + again, a long farewell like that I gave last night to our dear + valley, where I soon shall rest and where you will often—will you + not?—return. +</pre> + <p> + Henriette. + </p> + <p> + I fell into an abyss of terrible reflections, as I perceived the depths + unknown of the life now lighted up by this expiring flame. The clouds of + my egotism rolled away. She had suffered as much as I—more than I, + for she was dead. She believed that others would be kind to her friend; + she was so blinded by love that she had never so much as suspected the + enmity of her daughter. That last proof of her tenderness pained me + terribly. Poor Henriette wished to give me Clochegourde and her daughter. + </p> + <p> + Natalie, from that dread day when first I entered a graveyard following + the remains of my noble Henriette, whom now you know, the sun has been + less warm, less luminous, the nights more gloomy, movement less agile, + thought more dull. There are some departed whom we bury in the earth, but + there are others more deeply loved for whom our souls are winding-sheets, + whose memory mingles daily with our heart-beats; we think of them as we + breathe; they are in us by the tender law of a metempsychosis special to + love. A soul is within my soul. When some good thing is done by me, when + some true word is spoken, that soul acts and speaks. All that is good + within me issues from that grave, as the fragrance of a lily fills the + air; sarcasm, bitterness, all that you blame in me is mine. Natalie, when + next my eyes are darkened by a cloud or raised to heaven after long + contemplation of earth, when my lips make no reply to your words or your + devotion, do not ask me again, “Of what are you thinking?” + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + Dear Natalie, I ceased to write some days ago; these memories were too + bitter for me. Still, I owe you an account of the events which followed + this catastrophe; they need few words. When a life is made up of action + and movement it is soon told, but when it passes in the higher regions of + the soul its story becomes diffuse. Henriette’s letter put the star of + hope before my eyes. In this great shipwreck I saw an isle on which I + might be rescued. To live at Clochegourde with Madeleine, consecrating my + life to hers, was a fate which satisfied the ideas of which my heart was + full. But it was necessary to know the truth as to her real feelings. As I + was bound to bid the count farewell, I went to Clochegourde to see him, + and met him on the terrace. We walked up and down for some time. At first + he spoke of the countess like a man who knew the extent of his loss, and + all the injury it was doing to his inner self. But after the first + outbreak of his grief was over he seemed more concerned about the future + than the present. He feared his daughter, who, he told me, had not her + mother’s gentleness. Madeleine’s firm character, in which there was + something heroic blending with her mother’s gracious nature, alarmed the + old man, used to Henriette’s tenderness, and he now foresaw the power of a + will that never yielded. His only consolation for his irreparable loss, he + said, was the certainty of soon rejoining his wife; the agitations, the + griefs of these last few weeks had increased his illness and brought back + all his former pains; the struggle which he foresaw between his authority + as a father and that of his daughter, now mistress of the house, would end + his days in bitterness; for though he should have struggled against his + wife, he should, he knew, be forced to give way before his child. Besides, + his son was soon to leave him; his daughter would marry, and what sort of + son-in-law was he likely to have? Though he thus talked of dying, his real + distress was in feeling himself alone for many years to come without + sympathy. + </p> + <p> + During this hour when he spoke only of himself, and asked for my + friendship in his wife’s name, he completed a picture in my mind of the + remarkable figure of the Emigre,—one of the most imposing types of + our period. In appearance he was frail and broken, but life seemed + persistent in him because of his sober habits and his country avocations. + He is still living. + </p> + <p> + Though Madeleine could see me on the terrace, she did not come down. + Several times she came out upon the portico and went back in again, as if + to signify her contempt. I seized a moment when she appeared to beg the + count to go to the house and call her, saying I had a last wish of her + mother to convey to her, and this would be my only opportunity of doing + so. The count brought her, and left us alone together on the terrace. + </p> + <p> + “Dear Madeleine,” I said, “if I am to speak to you, surely it should be + here where your mother listened to me when she felt she had less reason to + complain of me than of the circumstances of life. I know your thoughts; + but are you not condemning me without a knowledge of the facts? My life + and happiness are bound up in this place; you know that, and yet you seek + to banish me by the coldness you show, in place of the brotherly affection + which has always united us, and which death should have strengthened by + the bonds of a common grief. Dear Madeleine, you for whom I would gladly + give my life without hope of recompense, without your even knowing it,—so + deeply do we love the children of those who have succored us,—you + are not aware of the project your adorable mother cherished during the + last seven years. If you knew it your feelings would doubtless soften + towards me; but I do not wish to take advantage of you now. All that I ask + is that you do not deprive me of the right to come here, to breathe the + air on this terrace, and to wait until time has changed your ideas of + social life. At this moment I desire not to ruffle them; I respect a grief + which misleads you, for it takes even from me the power of judging soberly + the circumstances in which I find myself. The saint who now looks down + upon us will approve the reticence with which I simply ask that you stand + neutral between your present feelings and my wishes. I love you too well, + in spite of the aversion you are showing me, to say one word to the count + of a proposal he would welcome eagerly. Be free. Later, remember that you + know no one in the world as you know me, that no man will ever have more + devoted feelings—” + </p> + <p> + Up to this moment Madeleine had listened with lowered eyes; now she + stopped me by a gesture. + </p> + <p> + “Monsieur,” she said, in a voice trembling with emotion. “I know all your + thoughts; but I shall not change my feelings towards you. I would rather + fling myself into the Indre than ally myself to you. I will not speak to + you of myself, but if my mother’s name still possesses any power over you, + in her name I beg you never to return to Clochegourde so long as I am in + it. The mere sight of you causes me a repugnance I cannot express, but + which I shall never overcome.” + </p> + <p> + She bowed to me with dignity, and returned to the house without looking + back, impassible as her mother had been for one day only, but more + pitiless. The searching eye of that young girl had discovered, though + tardily, the secrets of her mother’s heart, and her hatred to the man whom + she fancied fatal to her mother’s life may have been increased by a sense + of her innocent complicity. + </p> + <p> + All before me was now chaos. Madeleine hated me, without considering + whether I was the cause or the victim of these misfortunes. She might have + hated us equally, her mother and me, had we been happy. Thus it was that + the edifice of my happiness fell in ruins. I alone knew the life of that + unknown, noble woman. I alone had entered every region of her soul; + neither mother, father, husband, nor children had ever known her.—Strange + truth! I stir this heap of ashes and take pleasure in spreading them + before you; all hearts may find something in them of their closest + experience. How many families have had their Henriette! How many noble + feelings have left this earth with no historian to fathom their hearts, to + measure the depth and breadth of their spirits. Such is human life in all + its truth! Often mothers know their children as little as their children + know them. So it is with husbands, lovers, brothers. Did I imagine that + one day, beside my father’s coffin, I should contend with my brother + Charles, for whose advancement I had done so much? Good God! how many + lessons in the simplest history. + </p> + <p> + When Madeleine disappeared into the house, I went away with a broken + heart. Bidding farewell to my host at Sache, I started for Paris, + following the right bank of the Indre, the one I had taken when I entered + the valley for the first time. Sadly I drove through the pretty village of + Pont-de-Ruan. Yet I was rich, political life courted me; I was not the + weary plodder of 1814. Then my heart was full of eager desires, now my + eyes were full of tears; once my life was all before me to fill as I + could, now I knew it to be a desert. I was still young,—only + twenty-nine,—but my heart was withered. A few years had sufficed to + despoil that landscape of its early glory, and to disgust me with life. + You can imagine my feelings when, on turning round, I saw Madeleine on the + terrace. + </p> + <p> + A prey to imperious sadness, I gave no thought to the end of my journey. + Lady Dudley was far, indeed, from my mind, and I entered the courtyard of + her house without reflection. The folly once committed, I was forced to + carry it out. My habits were conjugal in her house, and I went upstairs + thinking of the annoyances of a rupture. If you have fully understood the + character and manners of Lady Dudley, you can imagine my discomfiture when + her majordomo ushered me, still in my travelling dress, into a salon where + I found her sumptuously dressed and surrounded by four persons. Lord + Dudley, one of the most distinguished old statesmen of England, was + standing with his back to the fireplace, stiff, haughty, frigid, with the + sarcastic air he doubtless wore in parliament; he smiled when he heard my + name. Arabella’s two children, who were amazingly like de Marsay (a + natural son of the old lord), were near their mother; de Marsay himself + was on the sofa beside her. As soon as Arabella saw me she assumed a + distant air, and glanced at my travelling cap as if to ask what brought me + there. She looked me over from head to foot, as though I were some country + gentlemen just presented to her. As for our intimacy, that eternal + passion, those vows of suicide if I ceased to love her, those visions of + Armida, all had vanished like a dream. I had never clasped her hand; I was + a stranger; she knew me not. In spite of the diplomatic self-possession to + which I was gradually being trained, I was confounded; and all others in + my place would have felt the same. De Marsay smiled at his boots, which he + examined with remarkable interest. I decided at once upon my course. From + any other woman I should modestly have accepted my defeat; but, outraged + at the glowing appearance of the heroine who had vowed to die for love, + and who had scoffed at the woman who was really dead, I resolved to meet + insolence with insolence. She knew very well the misfortunes of Lady + Brandon; to remind her of them was to send a dagger to her heart, though + the weapon might be blunted by the blow. + </p> + <p> + “Madame,” I said, “I am sure you will pardon my unceremonious entrance, + when I tell you that I have just arrived from Touraine, and that Lady + Brandon has given me a message for you which allows of no delay. I feared + you had already started for Lancashire, but as you are still in Paris I + will await your orders at any hour you may be pleased to appoint.” + </p> + <p> + She bowed, and I left the room. Since that day I have only met her in + society, where we exchange a friendly bow, and occasionally a sarcasm. I + talk to her of the inconsolable women of Lancashire; she makes allusion to + Frenchwomen who dignify their gastric troubles by calling them despair. + Thanks to her, I have a mortal enemy in de Marsay, of whom she is very + fond. In return, I call her the wife of two generations. + </p> + <p> + So my disaster was complete; it lacked nothing. I followed the plan I had + laid out for myself during my retreat at Sache; I plunged into work and + gave myself wholly to science, literature, and politics. I entered the + diplomatic service on the accession of Charles X., who suppressed the + employment I held under the late king. From that moment I was firmly + resolved to pay no further attention to any woman, no matter how + beautiful, witty, or loving she might be. This determination succeeded + admirably; I obtained a really marvellous tranquillity of mind, and great + powers of work, and I came to understand how much these women waste our + lives, believing, all the while, that a few gracious words will repay us. + </p> + <p> + But—all my resolutions came to naught; you know how and why. Dear + Natalie, in telling you my life, without reserve, without concealment, + precisely as I tell it to myself, in relating to you feelings in which you + have had no share, perhaps I have wounded some corner of your sensitive + and jealous heart. But that which might anger a common woman will be to + you—I feel sure of it—an additional reason for loving me. + Noble women have indeed a sublime mission to fulfil to suffering and + sickened hearts,—the mission of the sister of charity who stanches + the wound, of the mother who forgives a child. Artists and poets are not + the only ones who suffer; men who work for their country, for the future + destiny of the nations, enlarging thus the circle of their passions and + their thoughts, often make for themselves a cruel solitude. They need a + pure, devoted love beside them,—believe me, they understand its + grandeur and its worth. + </p> + <p> + To-morrow I shall know if I have deceived myself in loving you. + </p> + <p> + Felix. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + ANSWER TO THE ENVOI + + Madame la Comtesse Natalie de Manerville to Monsieur le Comte + Felix de Vandenesse. + + Dear Count,—You received a letter from poor Madame de Mortsauf, + which, you say, was of use in guiding you through the world,—a + letter to which you owe your distinguished career. Permit me to + finish your education. + + Give up, I beg of you, a really dreadful habit; do not imitate + certain widows who talk of their first husband and throw the + virtues of the deceased in the face of their second. I am a + Frenchwoman, dear count; I wish to marry the whole of the man I + love, and I really cannot marry Madame de Mortsauf too. Having + read your tale with all the attention it deserves,—and you know + the interest I feel in you,—it seems to me that you must have + wearied Lady Dudley with the perfections of Madame de Mortsauf, + and done great harm to the countess by overwhelming her with the + experiences of your English love. Also you have failed in tact to + me, poor creature without other merit than that of pleasing you; + you have given me to understand that I cannot love as Henriette or + Arabella loved you. I acknowledge my imperfections; I know them; + but why so roughly make me feel them? + + Shall I tell you whom I pity?—the fourth woman whom you love. She + will be forced to struggle against three others. Therefore, in + your interests as well as in hers, I must warn you against the + dangers of your tale. For myself, I renounce the laborious glory + of loving you,—it needs too many virtues, Catholic or Anglican, + and I have no fancy for rivalling phantoms. The virtues of the + virgin of Clochegourde would dishearten any woman, however sure of + herself she might be, and your intrepid English amazon discourages + even a wish for that sort of happiness. No matter what a poor + woman may do, she can never hope to give you the joys she will + aspire to give. Neither heart nor senses can triumph against these + memories of yours. I own that I have never been able to warm the + sunshine chilled for you by the death of your sainted Henriette. I + have felt you shuddering beside me. + + My friend,—for you will always be my friend,—never make such + confidences again; they lay bare your disillusions; they + discourage love, and compel a woman to feel doubtful of herself. + Love, dear count, can only live on trustfulness. The woman who + before she says a word or mounts her horse, must ask herself + whether a celestial Henriette might not have spoken better, + whether a rider like Arabella was not more graceful, that woman + you may be very sure, will tremble in all her members. You + certainly have given me a desire to receive a few of those + intoxicating bouquets—but you say you will make no more. There + are many other things you dare no longer do; thoughts and + enjoyments you can never reawaken. No woman, and you ought to know + this, will be willing to elbow in your heart the phantom whom you + hold there. + + You ask me to love you out of Christian charity. I could do much, + I candidly admit, for charity; in fact I could do all—except + love. You are sometimes wearisome and wearied; you call your + dulness melancholy. Very good,—so be it; but all the same it is + intolerable, and causes much cruel anxiety to one who loves you. I + have often found the grave of that saint between us. I have + searched my own heart, I know myself, and I own I do not wish to + die as she did. If you tired out Lady Dudley, who is a very + distinguished woman, I, who have not her passionate desires, + should, I fear, turn coldly against you even sooner than she did. + Come, let us suppress love between us, inasmuch as you can find + happiness only with the dead, and let us be merely friends—I wish + it. + + Ah! my dear count, what a history you have told me! At your + entrance into life you found an adorable woman, a perfect + mistress, who thought of your future, made you a peer, loved you + to distraction, only asked that you would be faithful to her, and + you killed her! I know nothing more monstrous. Among all the + passionate and unfortunate young men who haunt the streets of + Paris, I doubt if there is one who would not stay virtuous ten + years to obtain one half of the favors you did not know how to + value! When a man is loved like that how can he ask more? Poor + woman! she suffered indeed; and after you have written a few + sentimental phrases you think you have balanced your account with + her coffin. Such, no doubt, is the end that awaits my tenderness + for you. Thank you, dear count, I will have no rival on either + side of the grave. When a man has such a crime upon his + conscience, at least he ought not to tell of it. I made you an + imprudent request; but I was true to my woman’s part as a daughter + of Eve,—it was your part to estimate the effect of the answer. + You ought to have deceived me; later I should have thanked you. Is + it possible that you have never understood the special virtue of + lovers? Can you not feel how generous they are in swearing that + they have never loved before, and love at last for the first time? + + No, your programme cannot be carried out. To attempt to be both + Madame de Mortsauf and Lady Dudley,—why, my dear friend, it would + be trying to unite fire and water within me! Is it possible that + you don’t know women? Believe me, they are what they are, and they + have therefore the defects of their virtues. You met Lady Dudley + too early in life to appreciate her, and the harm you say of her + seems to me the revenge of your wounded vanity. You understood + Madame de Mortsauf too late; you punished one for not being the + other,—what would happen to me if I were neither the one nor the + other? I love you enough to have thought deeply about your future; + in fact, I really care for you a great deal. Your air of the + Knight of the Sad Countenance has always deeply interested me; I + believed in the constancy of melancholy men; but I little thought + that you had killed the loveliest and the most virtuous of women + at the opening of your life. + + Well, I ask myself, what remains for you to do? I have thought it + over carefully. I think, my friend, that you will have to marry a + Mrs. Shandy, who will know nothing of love or of passion, and will + not trouble herself about Madame de Mortsauf or Lady Dudley; who + will be wholly indifferent to those moments of ennui which you + call melancholy, during which you are as lively as a rainy day,—a + wife who will be to you, in short, the excellent sister of charity + whom you are seeking. But as for loving, quivering at a word, + anticipating happiness, giving it, receiving it, experiencing all + the tempests of passion, cherishing the little weaknesses of a + beloved woman—my dear count, renounce it all! You have followed + the advice of your good angel about young women too closely; you + have avoided them so carefully that now you know nothing about + them. Madame de Mortsauf was right to place you high in life at + the start; otherwise all women would have been against you, and + you never would have risen in society. + + It is too late now to begin your training over again; too late to + learn to tell us what we long to hear; to be superior to us at the + right moment, or to worship our pettiness when it pleases us to be + petty. We are not so silly as you think us. When we love we place + the man of our choice above all else. Whatever shakes our faith in + our supremacy shakes our love. In flattering us men flatter + themselves. If you intend to remain in society, to enjoy an + intercourse with women, you must carefully conceal from them all + that you have told me; they will not be willing to sow the flowers + of their love upon the rocks or lavish their caresses to soothe a + sickened spirit. Women will discover the barrenness of your heart + and you will be ever more and more unhappy. Few among them would + be frank enough to tell you what I have told you, or sufficiently + good-natured to leave you without rancor, offering their + friendship, like the woman who now subscribes herself + + Your devoted friend, + + Natalie de Manerville. +</pre> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <a name="link2H_4_0005" id="link2H_4_0005"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <h2> + ADDENDUM + </h2> + <h3> + The following personages appear in other stories of the Human Comedy. + </h3> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Birotteau, Abbe Francois + Cesar Birotteau + The Vicar of Tours + + Blamont-Chauvry, Princesse de + The Thirteen + Madame Firmiani + + Brandon, Lady Marie Augusta + The Member for Arcis + La Grenadiere + + Chessel, Madame de + The Government Clerks + + Dudley, Lord + The Thirteen + A Man of Business + Another Study of Woman + A Daughter of Eve + + Dudley, Lady Arabella + The Ball at Sceaux + The Magic Skin + The Secrets of a Princess + A Daughter of Eve + Letters of Two Brides + + Givry + Letters of Two Brides + Scenes from a Courtesan’s Life + + Lenoncourt, Duc de + Cesar Birotteau + Jealousies of a Country Town + The Gondreville Mystery + Beatrix + + Lenoncourt-Givry, Duchesse de + Letters of Two Brides + Scenes from a Courtesan’s Life + + Listomere, Marquis de + A Distinguished Provincial at Paris + A Study of Woman + + Listomere, Marquise de + Lost Illusions + A Distinguished Provincial at Paris + A Study of Woman + A Daughter of Eve + + Louis XVIII., Louis-Stanislas-Xavier + The Chouans + The Seamy Side of History + The Gondreville Mystery + Scenes from a Courtesan’s Life + The Ball at Sceaux + Colonel Chabert + The Government Clerks + + Manerville, Comtesse Paul de + A Marriage Settlement + A Daughter of Eve + + Marsay, Henri de + The Thirteen + The Unconscious Humorists + Another Study of Woman + Father Goriot + Jealousies of a Country Town + Ursule Mirouet + A Marriage Settlement + Lost Illusions + A Distinguished Provincial at Paris + Letters of Two Brides + The Ball at Sceaux + Modeste Mignon + The Secrets of a Princess + The Gondreville Mystery + A Daughter of Eve + + Stanhope, Lady Esther + Lost Illusions + + Vandenesse, Comte Felix de + Lost Illusions + A Distinguished Provincial at Paris + Cesar Birotteau + Letters of Two Brides + A Start in Life + The Marriage Settlement + The Secrets of a Princess + Another Study of Woman + The Gondreville Mystery + A Daughter of Eve +</pre> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg’s The Lily of the Valley, by Honore de Balzac + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE LILY OF THE VALLEY *** + +***** This file should be named 1569-h.htm or 1569-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/1/5/6/1569/ + +Produced by John Bickers, and Dagny, and David Widger + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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