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diff --git a/15510-8.txt b/15510-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f8d6560 --- /dev/null +++ b/15510-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,8679 @@ +The Project Gutenberg eBook, Advice to Young Men, by William Cobbett + + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + + + + +Title: Advice to Young Men + And (Incidentally) to Young Women in the Middle and Higher Ranks of Life. In a Series of Letters, Addressed to a Youth, a Bachelor, a Lover, a Husband, a Father, a Citizen, or a Subject. + + +Author: William Cobbett + +Release Date: March 30, 2005 [eBook #15510] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ADVICE TO YOUNG MEN*** + + +E-text prepared by Jonathan Ingram, William Avery, and the Project +Gutenber Online Distributed Proofreading Team + + + +COBBETT'S ADVICE TO YOUNG MEN + +And (Incidentally) to Young Women, in the Middle and Higher Ranks of Life. +In a Series of Letters, Addressed to a Youth, a Bachelor, a Lover, +a Husband, a Father, a Citizen, or a Subject. + +by + +WILLIAM COBBETT + +(From the Edition of 1829) +London +Henry Frowde +1906 +Oxford: Horace Hart +Printer to the University + + + + + + + +INTRODUCTION + +1. It is the duty, and ought to be the pleasure, of age and experience +to warn and instruct youth and to come to the aid of inexperience. When +sailors have discovered rocks or breakers, and have had the good luck to +escape with life from amidst them, they, unless they be pirates or +barbarians as well as sailors, point out the spots for the placing of +buoys and of lights, in order that others may not be exposed to the +danger which they have so narrowly escaped. What man of common humanity, +having, by good luck, missed being engulfed in a quagmire or quicksand, +will withhold from his neighbours a knowledge of the peril without which +the dangerous spots are not to be approached? + +2. The great effect which correct opinions and sound principles, imbibed +in early life, together with the good conduct, at that age, which must +naturally result from such opinions and principles; the great effect +which these have on the whole course of our lives is, and must be, well +known to every man of common observation. How many of us, arrived at +only forty years, have to repent; nay, which of us has not to repent, or +has not had to repent, that he did not, at an earlier age, possess a +great stock of knowledge of that kind which has an immediate effect on +our personal ease and happiness; that kind of knowledge, upon which the +cheerfulness and the harmony of our homes depend! + +3. It is to communicate a stock of this sort of knowledge, in +particular, that this work is intended; knowledge, indeed, relative to +education, to many sciences, to trade, agriculture, horticulture, law, +government, and religion; knowledge relating, incidentally, to all +these; but, the main object is to furnish that sort of knowledge to the +young which but few men acquire until they be old, when it comes too +late to be useful. + +4. To communicate to others the knowledge that I possess has always been +my taste and my delight; and few, who know anything of my progress +through life, will be disposed to question my fitness for the task. Talk +of rocks and breakers and quagmires and quicksands, who has ever escaped +from amidst so many as I have! Thrown (by my own will, indeed) on the +wide world at a very early age, not more than eleven or twelve years, +without money to support, without friends to advise, and without +book-learning to assist me; passing a few years dependent solely on my +own labour for my subsistence; then becoming a common soldier and +leading a military life, chiefly in foreign parts, for eight years; +quitting that life after really, for me, high promotion, and with, for +me, a large sum of money; marrying at an early age, going at once to +France to acquire the French language, thence to America; passing eight +years there, becoming bookseller and author, and taking a prominent part +in all the important discussions of the interesting period from 1793 to +1799, during which there was, in that country, a continued struggle +carried on between the English and the French parties; conducting +myself, in the ever-active part which I took in that struggle, in such a +way as to call forth marks of unequivocal approbation from the +government at home; returning to England in 1800, resuming my labours +here, suffering, during these twenty-nine years, two years of +imprisonment, heavy fines, three years self-banishment to the other side +of the Atlantic, and a total breaking of fortune, so as to be left +without a bed to lie on, and, during these twenty-nine years of troubles +and of punishments, writing and publishing, every week of my life, +whether in exile or not, eleven weeks only excepted, a periodical paper, +containing more or less of matter worthy of public attention; writing +and publishing, during _the same twenty-nine years_, a grammar of the +French and another of the English language, a work on the Economy of the +Cottage, a work on Forest Trees and Woodlands, a work on Gardening, an +account of America, a book of Sermons, a work on the Corn-plant, a +History of the Protestant Reformation; all books of great and continued +sale, and the _last_ unquestionably the book of greatest circulation in +the whole world, the Bible only excepted; having, during _these same +twenty-nine years_ of troubles and embarrassments without number, +introduced into England the manufacture of Straw-plat; also several +valuable trees; having introduced, during _the same twenty-nine years_, +the cultivation of the Corn-plant, so manifestly valuable as a source of +food; having, during the same period, always (whether in exile or not) +sustained a shop of some size, in London; having, during the whole of +the same period, never employed less, on an average, than ten persons, +in some capacity or other, exclusive of printers, bookbinders, and +others, connected with papers and books; and having, during these +twenty-nine years of troubles, embarrassments, prisons, fines, and +banishments, bred up a family of seven children to man's and woman's +state. + +5. If such a man be not, after he has survived and accomplished all +this, qualified to give Advice to Young Men, no man is qualified for +that task. There may have been natural _genius_: but genius _alone_, not +all the genius in the world, could, without _something more_, have +conducted me through these perils. During these twenty-nine years, I +have had for deadly and ever-watchful foes, a government that has the +collecting and distributing of sixty millions of pounds in a year, and +also every soul who shares in that distribution. Until very lately, I +have had, for the far greater part of the time, the whole of the press +as my deadly enemy. Yet, at this moment, it will not be pretended, that +there is another man in the kingdom, who has so many cordial friends. +For as to the _friends_ of _ministers_ and the _great_, the friendship +is towards the _power_, the _influence_; it is, in fact, towards _those +taxes_, of which so many thousands are gaping to get at a share. And, if +we could, through so thick a veil, come at the naked fact, we should +find the subscription, now going on in Dublin for the purpose of +erecting a monument in that city, to commemorate the good recently done, +or alleged to be done, to Ireland, by the DUKE of WELLINGTON; we should +find, that the subscribers have _the taxes_ in view; and that, if the +monument shall actually be raised, it ought to have _selfishness_, and +not _gratitude_, engraven on its base. Nearly the same may be said with +regard to all the praises that we hear bestowed on men in power. The +friendship which is felt towards me is pure and disinterested: it is not +founded in any hope that the parties can have, that they can ever +_profit_ from professing it: it is founded on the gratitude which they +entertain for the good that I _have done_ them; and, of this sort of +friendship, and friendship so cordial, no man ever possessed a larger +portion. + +6. Now, mere _genius_ will not acquire this for a man. There must be +something more than _genius_: there must be industry: there must be +perseverance: there must be, before the eyes of the nation, proofs of +extraordinary exertion: people must say to themselves, 'What wise +conduct must there have been in the employing of the time of this man! +How sober, how sparing in diet, how early a riser, how little expensive +he must have been!' These are the things, and _not genius_, which have +caused my labours to be so incessant and so successful: and, though I do +not affect to believe, that _every young man_, who shall read this work, +will become able to perform labours of equal magnitude and importance, I +do pretend, that _every_ young man, who will attend to my advice, will +become able to perform a great deal more than men generally do perform, +whatever may be his situation in life; and, that he will, too, perform +it with greater ease and satisfaction than he would, without the advice, +be able to perform the smaller portion. + +7. I have had, from thousands of young men, and men advanced in years +also, letters of thanks for the great benefit which they have derived +from my labours. Some have thanked me for my Grammars, some for my +Cottage Economy, others for the Woodlands and the Gardener; and, in +short, for every one of my works have I received letters of thanks from +numerous persons, of whom I had never heard before. In many cases I have +been told, that, if the parties had had my books to read some years +before, the gain to them, whether in time or in other things, would have +been very great. Many, and a great many, have told me, that, though long +at school, and though their parents had paid for their being taught +English Grammar, or French, they had, in a short time, learned more from +my books, on those subjects, than they had learned, in years, from their +teachers. How many gentlemen have thanked me, in the strongest terms, +for my Woodlands and Gardener, observing (just as Lord Bacon had +observed in his time) that they had before seen no books, on these +subjects, that they could _understand_! But, I know not of anything that +ever gave me more satisfaction than I derived from the visit of a +gentleman of fortune, whom I had never heard of before, and who, about +four years ago, came to thank me in person for a complete reformation, +which had been worked in his son by the reading of my two SERMONS on +_drinking_ and on _gaming_. + +8. I have, therefore, done, already, a great deal in this way: but, +there is still wanting, in a compact form, a body of ADVICE such as that +which I now propose to give: and in the giving of which I shall divide +my matter as follows. 1. Advice addressed to a YOUTH; 2. Advice +addressed to a BACHELOR; 3. Advice addressed to a LOVER; 4. To a +HUSBAND; 5. To a FATHER; 6. To a CITIZEN or SUBJECT. + +9. Some persons will smile, and others laugh outright, at the idea of +'Cobbett's giving advice for conducting the affairs of _love_.' Yes, but +I was once young, and surely I may say with the poet, I forget which of +them, + + 'Though old I am, for ladies' love unfit, + The power of beauty I remember yet.' + +I forget, indeed, the _names_ of the ladies as completely, pretty nigh, +as I do that of the poets; but I remember their influence, and of this +influence on the conduct and in the affairs and on the condition of men, +I have, and must have, been a witness all my life long. And, when we +consider in how great a degree the happiness of all the remainder of a +man's life depends, and always must depend, on his taste and judgment in +the character of a lover, this may well be considered as the most +important period of the whole term of his existence. + +10. In my address to the HUSBAND, I shall, of course, introduce advice +relative to the important duties of _masters_ and _servants_; duties of +great importance, whether considered as affecting families or as +affecting the community. In my address to the CITIZEN or SUBJECT, I +shall consider all the reciprocal duties of the governors and the +governed, and also the duties which man owes to his neighbour. It would +be tedious to attempt to lay down rules for conduct exclusively +applicable to every distinct calling, profession, and condition of life; +but, under the above-described heads, will be conveyed every species of +advice of which I deem the utility to be unquestionable. + +11. I have thus fully described the nature of my little work, and, +before I enter on the first Letter, I venture to express a hope, that +its good effects will be felt long after its author shall have ceased to +exist. + + + + +LETTER I + +TO A YOUTH + +12. You are now arrived at that age which the law thinks sufficient to +make an oath, taken by you, valid in a court of law. Let us suppose from +fourteen to nearly twenty; and, reserving, for a future occasion, my +remarks on your duty towards parents, let me here offer you my advice as +to the means likely to contribute largely towards making you a happy +man, useful to all about you, and an honour to those from whom you +sprang. + +13. Start, I beseech you, with a conviction firmly fixed on your mind, +that you have no right to live in this world; that, being of hale body +and sound mind, you have _no right_ to any earthly existence, without +doing _work_ of some sort or other, unless you have ample fortune +whereon to live clear of debt; and, that even in that case, you have no +right to breed children, to be kept by others, or to be exposed to the +chance of being so kept. Start with this conviction thoroughly implanted +on your mind. To wish to live on the labour of others is, besides the +folly of it, to contemplate a _fraud_ at the least, and, under certain +circumstances, to meditate oppression and robbery. + +14. I suppose you in the middle rank of life. Happiness ought to be your +great object, and it is to be found only in _independence_. Turn your +back on Whitehall and on Somerset-House; leave the Customs and Excise to +the feeble and low-minded; look not for success to favour, to +partiality, to friendship, or to what is called _interest_: write it on +your heart, that you will depend solely on your own merit and your own +exertions. Think not, neither, of any of those situations where gaudy +habiliments and sounding titles poorly disguise from the eyes of good +sense the mortifications and the heart-ache of slaves. Answer me not by +saying, that these situations '_must be_ filled by _somebody_;' for, if +I were to admit the truth of the proposition, which I do not, it would +remain for you to show that they are conducive to happiness, the +contrary of which has been proved to me by the observation of a now +pretty long life. + +15. Indeed, reason tells us, that it must be thus: for that which a man +owes to favour or to partiality, that same favour or partiality is +constantly liable to take from him. He who lives upon anything except +his own labour, is incessantly surrounded by rivals: his grand resource +is that servility in which he is always liable to be surpassed. He is in +daily danger of being out-bidden; his very bread depends upon caprice; +and he lives in a state of uncertainty and never-ceasing fear. His is +not, indeed, the dog's life, '_hunger_ and idleness;' but it is worse; +for it is 'idleness with _slavery_,' the latter being the just price of +the former. Slaves frequently are well _fed_ and well _clad_; but slaves +dare not _speak_; they dare not be suspected to _think_ differently from +their masters: hate his acts as much as they may; be he tyrant, be he +drunkard, be he fool, or be he all three at once, they must be silent, +or, nine times out of ten, affect approbation: though possessing a +thousand times his knowledge, they must feign a conviction of his +superior understanding; though knowing that it is they who, in fact, do +all that he is paid for doing, it is destruction to them to _seem as if +they thought_ any portion of the service belonged to them! Far from me +be the thought, that any youth who shall read this page would not rather +perish than submit to live in a state like this! Such a state is fit +only for the refuse of nature; the halt, the half-blind, the unhappy +creatures whom nature has marked out for degradation. + +16. And how comes it, then, that we see hale and even clever youths +voluntarily bending their necks to this slavery; nay, pressing forward +in eager rivalship to assume the yoke that ought to be insupportable? +The cause, and the only cause, is, that the deleterious fashion of the +day has created so many artificial wants, and has raised the minds of +young men so much above their real rank and state of life, that they +look scornfully on the employment, the fare, and the dress, that would +become them; and, in order to avoid that state in which they might live +_free_ and _happy_, they become _showy slaves_. + +17. The great source of independence, the French express in a precept of +three words, '_Vivre de peu_,' which I have always very much admired. +'_To live upon little_' is the great security against slavery; and this +precept extends to dress and other things besides food and drink. When +DOCTOR JOHNSON wrote his Dictionary, he put in the word pensioner thus: +'PENSIONER--_A slave of state_.' After this he himself became a +_pensioner_! And thus, agreeably to his own definition, he lived and +died '_a slave of state_!' What must this man of great genius, and of +great industry too, have felt at receiving this pension! Could he be so +callous as not to feel a pang upon seeing his own name placed before his +own degrading definition? And what could induce him to submit to this? +His wants, his artificial wants, his habit of indulging in the pleasures +of the table; his disregard of the precept '_Vivre de peu_.' This was +the cause; and, be it observed, that indulgences of this sort, while +they tend to make men poor and expose them to commit mean acts, tend +also to enfeeble the body, and more especially to cloud and to weaken +the mind. + +18. When this celebrated author wrote his Dictionary, he had not been +debased by luxurious enjoyments; the rich and powerful had not caressed +him into a slave; his writings then bore the stamp of truth and +independence: but, having been debased by luxury, he who had, while +content with plain fare, been the strenuous advocate of the rights of +the people, became a strenuous advocate for _taxation without +representation_; and, in a work under the title of '_Taxation no +Tyranny_,' defended, and greatly assisted to produce, that unjust and +bloody war which finally severed from England that great country the +United states of America, now the most powerful and dangerous rival that +this kingdom ever had. The statue of Dr. JOHNSON was the first that was +put into St. PAUL'S CHURCH! A signal warning to us not to look upon +monuments in honour of the dead as a proof of their virtues; for here we +see St. PAUL'S CHURCH holding up to the veneration of posterity a man +whose own writings, together with the records of the pension list, prove +him to have been '_a slave of state_.' + +19. Endless are the instances of men of bright parts and high spirit +having been, by degrees, rendered powerless and despicable, by their +imaginary wants. Seldom has there been a man with a fairer prospect of +accomplishing great things and of acquiring lasting renown, than CHARLES +FOX: he had great talents of the most popular sort; the times were +singularly favourable to an exertion of them with success; a large part +of the nation admired him and were his partisans; he had, as to the +great question between him and his rival (PITT), reason and justice +clearly on his side: but he had against him his squandering and +luxurious habits: these made him dependent on the rich part of his +partisans; made his wisdom subservient to opulent folly or selfishness; +deprived his country of all the benefit that it might have derived from +his talents; and, finally, sent him to the grave without a single sigh +from a people, a great part of whom would, in his earlier years, have +wept at his death as at a national calamity. + +20. Extravagance in _dress_, in the haunting of _play-houses_, in +_horses_, in everything else, is to be avoided, and, in youths and young +men, extravagance in _dress_ particularly. This sort of extravagance, +this waste of money on the decoration of the body, arises solely from +vanity, and from vanity of the most contemptible sort. It arises from +the notion, that all the people in the street, for instance, will be +_looking at you_ as soon as you walk out; and that they will, in a +greater or less degree, think the better of you on account of your fine +dress. Never was notion more false. All the sensible people that happen +to see you, will think nothing at all about you: those who are filled +with the same vain notion as you are, will perceive your attempt to +impose on them, and will despise you accordingly: rich people will +wholly disregard you, and you will be envied and hated by those who have +the same vanity that you have without the means of gratifying it. Dress +should be suited to your rank and station; a surgeon or physician should +not dress like a carpenter! but there is no reason why a tradesman, a +merchant's clerk, or clerk of any kind, or why a shopkeeper or +manufacturer, or even a merchant; no reason at all why any of these +should dress in an _expensive_ manner. It is a great mistake to suppose, +that they derive any advantage from exterior decoration. Men are +estimated by other _men_ according to their capacity and willingness to +be in some way or other _useful_; and though, with the foolish and vain +part of _women_, fine clothes frequently do something, yet the greater +part of the sex are much too penetrating to draw their conclusions +solely from the outside show of a man: they look deeper, and find other +criterions whereby to judge. And, after all, if the fine clothes obtain +you a wife, will they bring you, in that wife, _frugality, good sense_, +and that sort of attachment that is likely to be lasting? Natural beauty +of person is quite another thing: this always has, it always will and +must have, some weight even with men, and great weight with women. But +this does not want to be set off by expensive clothes. Female eyes are, +in such cases, very sharp: they can discover beauty though half hidden +by beard and even by dirt and surrounded by rags: and, take this as a +secret worth half a fortune to you, that women, however personally vain +they may be themselves, _despise personal vanity in men_. + +21. Let your dress be as cheap as may be without _shabbiness_; think +more about the colour of your shirt than about the gloss or texture of +your coat; be always as _clean_ as your occupation will, without +inconvenience, permit; but never, no, not for one moment, believe, that +any human being, with sense in his skull, will love or respect you on +account of your fine or costly clothes. A great misfortune of the +present day is, that every one is, in his own estimate, _raised above +his real state of life_: every one seems to think himself entitled, if +not to title and great estate, at least _to live without work_. This +mischievous, this most destructive, way of thinking has, indeed, been +produced, like almost all our other evils, by the Acts of our Septennial +and Unreformed Parliament. That body, by its Acts, has caused an +enormous Debt to be created, and, in consequence, a prodigious sum to be +raised annually in taxes. It has caused, by these means, a race of +loan-mongers and stock-jobbers to arise. These carry on a species of +_gaming_, by which some make fortunes in a day, and others, in a day, +become beggars. The unfortunate gamesters, like the purchasers of blanks +in a lottery, are never heard of; but the fortunate ones become +companions for lords, and some of them lords themselves. We have, within +these few years, seen many of these gamesters get fortunes of a quarter +of a million in a few days, and then we have heard them, though +notoriously amongst the lowest and basest of human creatures, called +'_honourable gentlemen_'! In such a state of things, who is to expect +patient industry, laborious study, frugality and care; who, in such a +state of things, is to expect these to be employed in pursuit of that +competence which it is the laudable wish of all men to secure? Not long +ago a man, who had served his time to a tradesman in London, became, +instead of pursuing his trade, a stock-jobber, or gambler; and, in about +_two years_, drove his _coach-and-four_, had his town house and country +house, and visited, and was visited by, _peers of the highest rank_! A +_fellow-apprentice_ of this lucky gambler, though a tradesman in +excellent business, seeing no earthly reason why _he_ should not have +his coach-and-four also, turned his stock in trade into a stake for the +'Change; but, alas! at the end of a few months, instead of being in a +coach-and-four, he was in the _Gazette_! + +22. This is one instance out of hundreds of thousands; not, indeed, +exactly of the same description, but all arising from the same copious +source. The words _speculate_ and _speculation_ have been substituted +for _gamble_ and _gambling_. The hatefulness of the pursuit is thus +taken away; and, while taxes to the amount of more than double the whole +of the rental of the kingdom; while these cause such crowds of idlers, +every one of whom calls himself a _gentleman_, and avoids the appearance +of working for his bread; while this is the case, who is to wonder, that +a great part of the youth of the country, knowing themselves to be as +_good_, as _learned_, and as _well-bred_ as these _gentlemen_; who is to +wonder, that they think, that they also ought to be considered as +_gentlemen_? Then, the late _war_ (also the work of the Septennial +Parliament) has left us, amongst its many legacies, such swarms of +_titled_ men and women; such swarms of '_Sirs_' and their '_Ladies_'; +men and women who, only the other day, were the fellow-apprentices, +fellow-tradesmen's or farmers' sons and daughters, or indeed, the +fellow-servants, of those who are now in these several states of life; +the late Septennial Parliament war has left us such swarms of these, +that it is no wonder that the heads of young people are turned, and that +they are ashamed of that state of life to act their part well in which +ought to be their delight. + +23. But, though the cause of the evil is in Acts of the Septennial +Parliament; though this universal desire in people to be thought to be +above their station; though this arises from such acts; and, though it +is no wonder that young men are thus turned from patient study and +labour; though these things be undoubted, they form no reason why I +should not _warn you_ against becoming a victim to this national +scourge. For, in spite of every art made use of to avoid labour, the +taxes will, after all, maintain only _so many_ idlers. We cannot all be +'_knights_' and '_gentlemen_': there must be a large part of us, after +all, to make and mend clothes and houses, and carry on trade and +commerce, and, in spite of all that we can do, the far greater part of +us must actually _work_ at something; for, unless we can get at some of +the taxes, we fall under the sentence of Holy Writ, 'He who will not +_work_ shall not _eat_.' Yet, so strong is the propensity to be thought +'_gentlemen_'; so general is this desire amongst the youth of this +formerly laborious and unassuming nation; a nation famed for its pursuit +of wealth through the channels of patience, punctuality, and integrity; +a nation famed for its love of solid acquisitions and qualities, and its +hatred of everything showy and false: so general is this really +fraudulent desire amongst the youth of this now '_speculating_' nation, +that thousands upon thousands of them are, at this moment, in a state of +half starvation, not so much because they are too _lazy_ to earn their +bread, as because they are too _proud_! And what are the _consequences_? +Such a youth remains or becomes a burden to his parents, of whom he +ought to be the comfort, if not the support. Always aspiring to +something higher than he can reach, his life is a life of disappointment +and of shame. If marriage _befal_ him, it is a real affliction, +involving others as well as himself. His lot is a thousand times worse +than that of the common labouring pauper. Nineteen times out of twenty a +premature death awaits him: and, alas! how numerous are the cases in +which that death is most miserable, not to say ignominious! _Stupid +pride_ is one of the symptoms of _madness_. Of the two madmen mentioned +in Don Quixote, one thought himself NEPTUNE, and the other JUPITER. +Shakspeare agrees with CERVANTES; for, Mad Tom, in King Lear, being +asked who he is, answers, 'I am a _tailor_ run mad with _pride_.' How +many have we heard of, who claimed relationship with _noblemen_ and +_kings_; while of not a few each has thought himself the Son of God! To +the public journals, and to the observations of every one, nay, to the +'_county-lunatic asylums_' (things never heard of in England till now), +I appeal for the fact of the vast and hideous _increase of madness in +this country_; and, within these very few years, how many scores of +young men, who, if their minds had been unperverted by the gambling +principles of the day, had a probably long and happy life before them; +who had talent, personal endowments, love of parents, love of friends, +admiration of large circles; who had, in short, everything to make life +desirable, and who, from mortified pride, founded on false pretensions, +_have put an end to their own existence_! + +24. As to DRUNKENNESS and GLUTTONY, generally so called, these are vices +so nasty and beastly that I deem any one capable of indulging in them to +be wholly unworthy of my advice; and, if any youth unhappily initiated +in these odious and debasing vices should happen to read what I am now +writing, I refer him to the command of God, conveyed to the Israelites +by Moses, in Deuteronomy, chap. xxi. The father and mother are to take +the bad son 'and bring him to the elders of the city; and they shall say +to the elders, This our son will not obey our voice: he is a _glutton_ +and a _drunkard_. And all the men of the city shall stone him with +stones, that he die.' I refer downright beastly gluttons and drunkards +to this; but indulgence short, _far short_, of this gross and really +nasty drunkenness and gluttony is to be deprecated, and that, too, with +the more earnestness because it is too often looked upon as being no +crime at all, and as having nothing blameable in it; nay, there are many +persons who _pride_ themselves on their refined taste in matters +connected with eating and drinking: so far from being ashamed of +employing their thoughts on the subject, it is their boast that they do +it. St. Gregory, one of the Christian fathers, says: 'It is not the +_quantity_ or the _quality_ of the meat, or drink, but the _love of it_ +that is condemned;' that is to say, the indulgence beyond the absolute +demands of nature; the hankering after it; the neglect of some duty or +other for the sake of the enjoyments of the table. + +25. This _love_ of what are called 'good eating and drinking,' if very +unamiable in grown-up persons, is perfectly hateful in _a youth_; and, +if he indulge in the propensity, he is already half ruined. To warn you +against acts of fraud, robbery, and violence, is not my province; that +is the business of those who make and administer _the law_. I am not +talking to you against acts which the jailor and the hangman punish; nor +against those moral offences which all men condemn; but against +indulgences, which, by men in general, are deemed not only harmless, but +meritorious; but which the observation of my whole life has taught me to +regard as destructive to human happiness, and against which all ought to +be cautioned even in their boyish days. I have been a great observer, +and I can truly say, that I have never known a man, 'fond of good eating +and drinking,' as it is called; that I have never known such a man (and +hundreds I have known) who was worthy of respect. + +26. Such indulgences are, in the first place, very _expensive_. The +materials are costly, and the preparations still more so. What a +monstrous thing, that, in order to satisfy the appetite of a man, there +must be a person or two _at work every day_! More fuel, culinary +implements, kitchen-room; what! all these merely to tickle the palate of +four or five people, and especially people who can hardly pay their way! +And, then, the _loss of time_: the time spent in pleasing the palate: it +is truly horrible to behold people who ought to be at work, sitting, at +the three meals, not less than three of the about fourteen hours that +they are out of their beds! A youth, habituated to this sort of +indulgence, cannot be valuable to any employer. Such a youth cannot be +deprived of his table-enjoyments on any account: his eating and drinking +form the momentous concern of his life: if business interfere with that, +the business must give way. A young man, some years ago, offered himself +to me, on a particular occasion, as an _amanuensis_, for which he +appeared to be perfectly qualified. The terms were settled, and I, who +wanted the job dispatched, requested him to sit down, and begin; but he, +looking out of the window, whence he could see the church clock, said, +somewhat hastily, 'I _cannot_ stop _now_, sir, I must go to _dinner_.' +'Oh!' said I, 'you _must_ go to dinner, must you! Let the dinner, which +you _must_ wait upon to-day, have your constant services, then: for you +and I shall never agree.' He had told me that he was in _great distress_ +for want of employment; and yet, when relief was there before his eyes, +he could forego it for the sake of getting at his eating and drinking +three or four hours, perhaps, sooner than I should have thought it right +for him to leave off work. Such a person cannot be sent from home, +except at certain times; he _must_ be near the kitchen at three fixed +hours of the day; if he be absent more than four or five hours, he is +ill-treated. In short, a youth thus pampered is worth nothing as a +person to be employed in business. + +27. And, as to _friends_ and _acquaintances_; they will _say_ nothing to +you; they will _offer_ you indulgences under their roofs; but the more +ready you are to accept of their offers, and, in fact, the better +_taste_ you discover, the less they will like you, and the sooner they +will find means of shaking you off; for, besides the _cost_ which you +occasion them, people do not like to have _critics_ sitting in judgment +on their bottles and dishes. _Water-drinkers_ are universally _laughed +at_; but, it has always seemed to me, that they are amongst the most +welcome of guests, and that, too, though the host be by no means of a +niggardly turn. The truth is, they give _no trouble_; they occasion _no +anxiety_ to please them; they are sure not to make their sittings +_inconveniently long_; and, which is the great thing of all, their +example teaches _moderation_ to the rest of the company. Your notorious +'lovers of good cheer' are, on the contrary, not to be invited without +_due reflection_: to entertain one of them is a serious business; and as +people are not apt voluntarily to undertake such pieces of business, the +well-known 'lovers of good eating and drinking' are left, very +generally, to enjoy it by themselves and at their own expense. + +28. But, all other considerations aside, _health_, the most valuable of +all earthly possessions, and without which all the rest are worth +nothing, bids us, not only to refrain from _excess_ in eating and +drinking, but bids us to stop short of what might be indulged in without +any apparent impropriety. The words of ECCLESIASTICUS ought to be read +once a week by every young person in the world, and particularly by the +young people of this country at this time. 'Eat modestly that which is +set before thee, and _devour_ not, lest thou be _hated_. When thou +sittest amongst many, reach not thine hand out first of all. _How little +is sufficient for man well taught! A wholesome sleep_ cometh of a +temperate belly. Such a man _riseth up in the morning_, and is _well at +ease with himself_. Be not too hasty of meats; for excess of meats +bringeth sickness, and choleric disease cometh of gluttony. By surfeit +have many perished, and he that _dieteth himself prolongeth his life_. +Show not thy valiantness in wine; for wine hath destroyed many. Wine +measurably taken, and in season, bringeth gladness and cheerfulness of +mind; but drinking with excess maketh bitterness of mind, brawlings and +scoldings.' How true are these words! How well worthy of a constant +place in our memories! Yet, what pains have been taken to apologise for +a life contrary to these precepts! And, good God! what punishment can be +too great, what mark of infamy sufficiently signal, for those pernicious +villains of talent, who have employed that talent in the composition of +_Bacchanalian songs_; that is to say, pieces of fine and captivating +writing in praise of one of the most odious and destructive vices in the +black catalogue of human depravity! + +29. In the passage which I have just quoted from chap. xxxi. of +ECCLESIASTICUS, it is said, that 'wine, _measurably_ taken, and in +_season_,' is a _proper thing_. This, and other such passages of the Old +Testament, have given a handle to drunkards, and to extravagant people, +to insist, that _God intended_ that _wine_ should be _commonly_ drunk. +No doubt of that. But, then, he could intend this only _in countries in +which he had given wine_, and to which he had given no cheaper drink +except _water_. If it be said, as it truly may, that, by the means of +the _sea_ and the _winds_, he has given wine to all _countries_, I +answer that this gift is of no use to us _now_, because our government +steps in between the sea and the winds and us. _Formerly_, indeed, the +case was different; and, here I am about to give you, incidentally, a +piece of _historical knowledge_, which you will not have acquired from +HUME, GOLDSMITH, or any other of the romancers called historians. Before +that unfortunate event, the _Protestant Reformation_, as it is called, +took place, the price of RED WINE, in England, was _fourpence a gallon_, +Winchester measure; and of WHITE WINE, _sixpence a gallon_. At the same +time the pay of a labouring man per day, as fixed by law, was +_fourpence_. Now, when a labouring man could earn _four quarts of good +wine in a day_, it was, doubtless, allowable, even in England, for +people in the middle rank of life to drink wine _rather commonly_; and, +therefore, in those happy days of England, these passages of Scripture +were applicable enough. But, _now_, when we have got a _Protestant_ +government, which by the taxes which it makes people pay to it, causes +the _eighth part of a gallon_ of wine to cost more than the pay of a +labouring man for a day; _now_, this passage of Scripture is not +applicable to us. There is no '_season_' in which we can take wine +without ruining ourselves, however '_measurably_' we may take it; and I +beg you to regard, as perverters of Scripture and as seducers of youth, +all those who cite passages like that above cited, in justification of, +or as an apology for, the practice of wine-drinking in England. + +30. I beseech you to look again and again at, and to remember every word +of, the passage which I have just quoted from the book of +ECCLESIASTICUS. How completely have been, and are, its words verified by +my experience and in my person! How little of eating and drinking is +sufficient for me! How wholesome is my sleep! How early do I rise; and +how '_well at ease_' am I 'with myself!' I should not have deserved such +blessings, if I had withheld from my neighbours a knowledge of the means +by which they were obtained; and, therefore, this knowledge I have been +in the constant habit of communicating. When one _gives a dinner to a +company_, it is an extraordinary affair, and is intended, by sensible +men, for purposes other than those of eating and drinking. But, in +_general_, in the every-day life, despicable are those who suffer any +part of their happiness to depend upon what they have to eat or to +drink, provided they have _a sufficiency of wholesome food_; despicable +is the _man_, and worse than despicable the _youth_, that would make any +sacrifice, however small, whether of money or of time, or of anything +else, in order to secure a dinner different from that which he would +have had without such sacrifice. Who, what man, ever performed a greater +quantity of labour than I have performed? What man ever did so much? +Now, in a great measure, I owe my capability to perform this labour to +my disregard of dainties. Being shut up two years in Newgate, with a +fine on my head of a thousand pounds to the king, for having expressed +my indignation at the flogging of Englishmen under a guard of German +bayonets, I ate, during one whole year, one mutton chop every day. Being +once in town, with one son (then a little boy) and a clerk, while my +family was in the country, I had during some weeks nothing but legs of +mutton; first day, leg of mutton boiled or _roasted_; second, _cold_; +third, _hashed_; then, leg of mutton _boiled_; and so on. When I have +been by myself, or nearly so, I have _always_ proceeded thus: given +directions for having _every day the same thing_, or alternately as +above, and every day exactly at the same hour, so as to prevent the +necessity of any _talk_ about the matter. I am certain that, upon an +average, I have not, during my life, spent more than _thirty-five +minutes a day at table_, including all the meals of the day. I like, and +I take care to have, good and clean victuals; but, if wholesome and +clean, that is enough. If I find it, by chance, _too coarse_ for my +appetite, I put the food aside, or let somebody do it, and leave the +appetite to gather keenness. But the great security of all is, to eat +_little_, and to drink nothing that _intoxicates_. He that eats till he +is _full_ is little better than a beast; and he that drinks till he is +_drunk_ is quite a beast. + +31. Before I dismiss this affair of eating and drinking, let me beseech +you to resolve to free yourselves from the slavery of the _tea_ and +_coffee_ and other _slop-kettle_, if, unhappily, you have been bred up +in such slavery. Experience has taught me, that those slops are +_injurious to health_: until I left them off (having taken to them at +the age of 26), even my habits of sobriety, moderate eating, early +rising; even these were not, until I left off the slops, sufficient to +give me that complete health which I have since had. I pretend not to be +a 'doctor;' but, I assert, that to pour regularly, every day, a pint or +two of _warm liquid matter_ down the throat, whether under the name of +tea, coffee, soup, grog, or whatever else, is greatly injurious to +health. However, at present, what I have to represent to _you is the +great deduction, which the use of these slops makes, from your power of +being useful_, and also from your _power to husband your income_, +whatever it may be, and from whatever source arising. I am to suppose +you to be desirous to become a clever and a useful man; a man to be, if +not admired and revered, at least to be _respected_. In order to merit +respect beyond that which is due to very common men, you must do +something more than very common men; and I am now going to show you how +your course _must be impeded_ by the use of the _slops_. + +32. If the women exclaim, 'Nonsense! come and take a cup,' take it for +that once; but hear what I have to say. In answer to my representation +regarding the _waste of time_ which is occasioned by the slops, it has +been said, that let what may be the nature of the food, there must _be +time_ for taking it. Not _so much_ time, however, to eat a bit of meat +or cheese or butter with a bit of bread. But, these may be eaten in a +shop, a warehouse, a factory, far from any _fire_, and even in a +carriage on the road. The slops absolutely demand _fire_ and a +_congregation_; so that, be your business what it may; be you +shopkeeper, farmer, drover, sportsman, traveller, to the _slop-board_ +you must come; you must wait for its assembling, or start from home +without your breakfast; and, being used to the warm liquid, you feel out +of order for the want of it. If the slops were in fashion amongst +ploughmen and carters, we must all be starved; for the food could never +be raised. The mechanics are half-ruined by them. Many of them are +become poor, enervated creatures; and chiefly from this cause. But is +the positive _cost_ nothing? At boarding-schools an _additional price is +given_ on account of the tea slops. Suppose you to be a clerk, in hired +lodgings, and going to your counting-house at nine o'clock. You get your +dinner, perhaps, near to the scene of your work; but how are you to have +the _breakfast slops_ without _a servant_? Perhaps you find a lodging +just to suit you, but the house is occupied by people who keep no +_servants_, and you want a servant to _light a fire_ and get the slop +ready. You could get this lodging for several shillings a week less than +another at the next door; but _there_ they keep a servant, who will +'_get_ you your breakfast,' and preserve you, benevolent creature as she +is, from the cruel necessity of going to the cupboard and cutting off a +slice of meat or cheese and a bit of bread. She will, most likely, toast +your bread for you too, and melt your butter; and then muffle you up, in +winter, and send you out almost swaddled. Really such a thing can hardly +be expected ever to become a _man_. You are weak; you have delicate +health; you are '_bilious_!' Why, my good fellow, it is these very slops +that make you weak and bilious; And, indeed, the _poverty_, the real +poverty, that they and their concomitants bring on you, greatly assists, +in more ways than one, in producing your 'delicate health.' + +33. So much for indulgences in eating, drinking, and dress. Next, as to +_amusements_. It is recorded of the famous ALFRED, that he devoted eight +hours of the twenty-four to _labour_, eight to _rest_, and eight to +_recreation_. He was, however, _a king_, and could be _thinking_ during +the eight hours of recreation. It is certain, that there ought to be +hours of recreation, and I do not know that eight are too many; but, +then observe, those hours ought to be _well-chosen_, and the _sort_ of +recreation ought to be attended to. It ought to be such as is at once +innocent in itself and in its tendency, and not injurious to health. The +sports of the field are the best of all, because they are conducive to +health, because they are enjoyed by _day-light_, and because they demand +early rising. The nearer that other amusements approach to these, the +better they are. A town-life, which many persons are compelled, by the +nature of their calling, to lead, precludes the possibility of pursuing +amusements of this description to any very considerable extent; and +young men in towns are, generally speaking, compelled to choose between +_books_ on the one hand, or _gaming_ and the _play-house_ on the other. +_Dancing_ is at once rational and healthful: it gives animal spirits: it +is the natural amusement of young people, and such it has been from the +days of Moses: it is enjoyed in numerous companies: it makes the parties +to be pleased with themselves and with all about them; it has no +tendency to excite base and malignant feelings; and none but the most +grovelling and hateful tyranny, or the most stupid and despicable +fanaticism, ever raised its voice against it. The bad modern habits of +England have created one inconvenience attending the enjoyment of this +healthy and innocent pastime, namely, _late hours_, which are at once +injurious to health and destructive of order and of industry. In other +countries people dance by _day-light_. Here they do not; and, therefore, +you must, in this respect, submit to the custom, though not without +robbing the dancing night of as many hours as you can. + +34. As to GAMING, it is always _criminal_, either in itself, or in its +tendency. The basis of it is covetousness; a desire to take from others +something, for which you have given, and intend to give, no equivalent. +No gambler was ever yet a happy man, and very few gamblers have escaped +being miserable; and, observe, to _game for nothing_ is still gaming, +and naturally leads to gaming for something. It is sacrificing time, and +that, too, for the worst of purposes. I have kept house for nearly forty +years; I have reared a family; I have entertained as many friends as +most people; and I have never had cards, dice, a chess-board, nor any +implement of gaming, under my roof. The hours that young men spend in +this way are hours _murdered_; precious hours, that ought to be spent +either in reading or in writing, or in rest, preparatory to the duties +of the dawn. Though I do not agree with the base and nauseous +flatterers, who now declare the army to be _the best school for +statesmen_, it is certainly a school in which to learn experimentally +many useful lessons; and, in this school I learned, that men, fond of +gaming, are very rarely, if ever, trust-worthy. I have known many a +clever man rejected in the way of promotion only because he was addicted +to gaming. Men, in that state of life, cannot _ruin_ themselves by +gaming, for they possess no fortune, nor money; but the taste for gaming +is always regarded as an indication of a radically bad disposition; and +I can truly say, that I never in my whole life knew a man, fond of +gaming, who was not, in some way or other, a person unworthy of +confidence. This vice creeps on by very slow degrees, till, at last, it +becomes an ungovernable passion, swallowing up every good and kind +feeling of the heart. The gambler, as pourtrayed by REGNARD, in a comedy +the translation of which into English resembles the original much about +as nearly as Sir JAMES GRAHAM'S plagiarisms resembled the Registers on +which they had been committed, is a fine instance of the contempt and +scorn to which gaming at last reduces its votaries; but, if any young +man be engaged in this fatal career, and be not yet wholly lost, let him +behold HOGARTH'S gambler just when he has made his _last throw_ and when +disappointment has bereft him of his senses. If after this sight he +remain obdurate, he is doomed to be a disgrace to his name. + +35. The _Theatre may be_ a source not only of amusement but also of +instruction; but, as things now are in this country, what, that is not +bad, is to be learned in this school? In the first place not a word is +allowed to be uttered on the stage, which has not been previously +approved of by the Lord Chamberlain; that is to say, by a person +appointed by the Ministry, who, at his pleasure, allows, or disallows, +of any piece, or any words in a piece, submitted to his inspection. In +short, those who go to play-houses _pay their money to hear uttered such +words as the government approve of, and no others_. It is now just +twenty-six years since I first well understood how this matter was +managed; and, from that moment to this, I have never been in an English +play-house. Besides this, the meanness, the abject servility, of the +players, and the slavish conduct of the audience, are sufficient to +corrupt and debase the heart of any young man who is a frequent beholder +of them. Homage is here paid to every one clothed with power, be he who +or what he may; real virtue and public-spirit are subjects of ridicule; +and mock-sentiment and mock-liberality and mock-loyalty are applauded to +the skies. + +36. 'Show me a man's _companions_' says the proverb, 'and I will tell +you _what the man_ is;' and this is, and must be true; because all men +seek the society of those who think and act somewhat like themselves: +sober men will not associate with drunkards, frugal men will not like +spendthrifts, and the orderly and decent shun the noisy, the disorderly, +and the debauched. It is for the very vulgar to herd together as +singers, ringers, and smokers; but, there is a class rather higher still +more blamable; I mean the tavern-haunters, the gay companions, who herd +together to do little but _talk_, and who are so fond of talk that they +go from home to get at it. The conversation amongst such persons has +nothing of instruction in it, and is generally of a vicious tendency. +Young people naturally and commendably seek the society of those of +their own age; but, be careful in choosing your companions; and lay this +down as a rule never to be departed from, that no youth, nor man, ought +to be called your _friend_, who is addicted to _indecent talk_, or who +is fond of the _society of prostitutes_. Either of these argues a +depraved taste, and even a depraved heart; an absence of all principle +and of all trust-worthiness; and, I have remarked it all my life long, +that young men, addicted to these vices, never succeed in the end, +whatever advantages they may have, whether in fortune or in talent. Fond +mothers and fathers are but too apt to be over-lenient to such +offenders; and, as long as youth lasts and fortune smiles, the +punishment is deferred; but, it comes at last; it is sure to come; and +the gay and dissolute youth is a dejected and miserable man. After the +early part of a life spent in illicit indulgences, a man is _unworthy_ +of being the husband of a virtuous woman; and, if he have anything like +justice in him, how is he to reprove, in his children, vices in which he +himself so long indulged? These vices of youth are varnished over by the +saying, that there must be time for 'sowing the _wild oats_,' and that +'_wildest colts_ make the _best horses_.' These figurative oats are, +however, generally like the literal ones; they are _never to be +eradicated from the soil_; and as to the _colts_, wildness in them is an +indication of _high animal spirit_, having nothing at all to do with the +_mind_, which is invariably debilitated and debased by profligate +indulgences. Yet this miserable piece of sophistry, the offspring of +parental weakness, is in constant use, to the incalculable injury of the +rising generation. What so amiable as a steady, trust-worthy boy? He is +of _real use_ at an early age: he can be trusted far out of the sight of +parent or employer, while the 'pickle,' as the poor fond parents call +the profligate, is a great deal worse than useless, because there must +be some one to see that he does no harm. If you have to choose, choose +companions of _your own rank in life_ as nearly as may be; but, at any +rate, none to whom you acknowledge _inferiority_; for, slavery is too +soon learned; and, if the mind be bowed down in the youth, it will +seldom rise up in the man. In the schools of those best of teachers the +JESUITS, there is perfect equality as to rank in life: the boy, who +enters there, leaves all family pride behind him: intrinsic merit alone +is the standard of preference; and the masters are so scrupulous upon +this head, that they do not suffer one scholar, of whatever rank, to +have more money to spend than the poorest. These wise men know well the +mischiefs that must arise from inequality of pecuniary means amongst +their scholars: they know how injurious it would be to learning, if +deference were, by the learned, paid to the dunce; and they, therefore, +take the most effectual means to prevent it. Hence, amongst other +causes, it is, that their scholars have, ever since the existence of +their Order, been the most celebrated for learning of any men in the +world. + +37. In your _manners_ be neither boorish nor blunt, but even these are +preferable to simpering and crawling. I wish every English youth could +see those of the United States of America; always _civil_, never +_servile_. Be _obedient_, where obedience is due; for, it is no act of +meanness, and no indication of want of spirit, to yield implicit and +ready obedience to those who have a right to demand it at your hands. In +this respect England has been, and I hope always will be, an example to +the whole world. To this habit of willing and prompt obedience in +apprentices, in servants, in all inferiors in station, she owes, in a +great measure, her multitudes of matchless merchants, tradesmen, and +workmen of every description, and also the achievements of her armies +and navies. It is no disgrace, but the contrary, to obey, cheerfully, +lawful and just commands. None are so saucy and disobedient as slaves; +and, when you come to read history, you will find that in proportion as +nations have been _free_ has been their reverence for the laws. But, +there is a wide difference between lawful and cheerful obedience and +that servility which represents people as laying petitions 'at the +_king's feet_,' which makes us imagine that we behold the supplicants +actually crawling upon their bellies. There is something so abject in +this expression; there is such horrible self-abasement in it, that I do +hope that every youth, who shall read this, will hold in detestation the +reptiles who make use of it. In all other countries, the lowest +individual can put a petition into the _hands_ of the chief magistrate, +be he king or emperor: let us hope, that the time will yet come when +Englishmen will be able to do the same. In the meanwhile I beg you to +despise these worse than pagan parasites. + +38. Hitherto I have addressed you chiefly relative to the things to be +_avoided_: let me now turn to the things which you ought _to do_. And, +first of all, the _husbanding of your time_. The respect that you will +receive, the real and _sincere respect_, will depend entirely on what +you are able _to do_. If you be rich, you may purchase what is called +respect; but it is not worth having. To obtain respect worth possessing, +you must, as I observed before, do more than the common run of men in +your state of life; and, to be enabled to do this, you must manage well +_your time_: and, to manage it well, you must have as much of the +_day-light_ and as little of the _candle-light_ as is consistent with +the due discharge of your duties. When people get into the habit of +sitting up _merely for the purpose of talking_, it is no easy matter to +break themselves of it: and if they do not go to bed early, they cannot +rise early. Young people require more sleep than those that are grown +up: there must be the number of hours, and that number cannot well be, +on an average, less than _eight_: and, if it be more in winter time, it +is all the better; for, an hour in bed is better than an hour spent over +fire and candle in an idle gossip. People never should sit talking till +they do not know what to talk about. It is said by the country-people, +that one hour's sleep before midnight is worth more than two are worth +after midnight, and this I believe to be a fact; but it is useless to go +to bed early and even to rise early, if the time be not well employed +after rising. In general, half the morning is _loitered_ away, the party +being in a sort of half-dressed half-naked state; out of bed, indeed, +but still in a sort of bedding. Those who first invented _morning-gowns_ +and _slippers_ could have very little else to do. These things are very +suitable to those who have had fortunes gained for them by others; very +suitable to those who have nothing to do, and who merely live for the +purpose of assisting to consume the produce of the earth; but he who has +his bread to earn, or who means to be worthy of respect on account of +his labours, has no business with morning gown and slippers. In short, +be your business or calling what it may, _dress at once for the day_; +and learn to do it _as quickly_ as possible. A looking-glass is a piece +of furniture a great deal worse than useless. _Looking_ at the face will +not alter its shape or its colour; and, perhaps, of all wasted time; +none is so foolishly wasted as that which is employed in surveying one's +own face. Nothing can be of _little_ importance, if one be compelled to +attend to it _every day of our lives_; if we _shaved_ but once a year, +or once a month, the execution of the thing would be hardly worth +naming: but this is a piece of work that must be done once every day; +and, as it may cost only about _five minutes_ of time, and may be, and +frequently is, made to cost _thirty_, or even _fifty minutes_; and, as +only fifteen minutes make about a fifty-eighth part of the hours of our +average day-light; this being the case, this is a matter of real +importance. I once heard SIR JOHN SINCLAIR ask Mr. COCHRANE JOHNSTONE, +whether he meaned to have a son of his (then a little boy) taught Latin. +'No,' said Mr. JOHNSTONE, 'but I mean to do something a great deal +better for him.' 'What is that?' said Sir John. 'Why,' said the other, +'teach him _to shave with cold water and without a glass_.' Which, I +dare say, he did; and for which benefit I am sure that son has had good +reason to be grateful. Only think of the inconvenience attending the +common practice! There must be _hot water_; to have this there must be +_a fire_, and, in some cases, a fire for that purpose alone; to have +these, there must be a _servant_, or you must light a fire yourself. For +the want of these, the job is put off until a later hour: this causes a +stripping and _another dressing bout_; or, you go in a slovenly state +all that day, and the next day the thing must be done, or cleanliness +must be abandoned altogether. If you be on a journey you must wait the +pleasure of the servants at the inn before you can dress and set out in +the morning; the pleasant time for travelling is gone before you can +move from the spot; instead of being at the end of your day's journey in +good time, you are benighted, and have to endure all the great +inconveniences attendant on tardy movements. And, all this, from the +apparently insignificant affair of shaving! How many a piece of +important business has failed from a short delay! And how many thousand +of such delays daily proceed from this unworthy cause! '_Toujours prêt_' +was the motto of a famous French general; and pray let it be yours: be +'_always ready_;' and never, during your whole life, have to say, '_I +cannot go till I be shaved and dressed_.' Do the whole at once for the +day, whatever may be your state of life; and then you have a day +unbroken by those indispensable performances. Begin thus, in the days of +your youth, and, having felt the superiority which this practice will +give you over those in all other respects your equals, the practice will +stick by you to the end of your life. Till you be shaved and dressed for +the day, you cannot set steadily about any business; you know that you +must presently quit your labour to return to the dressing affair; you, +therefore, put it off until that be over; the interval, the precious +interval, is spent in lounging about; and, by the time that you are +ready for business, the best part of the day is gone. + +39. Trifling as this matter appears upon _naming_ it, it is, in fact, +one of the great concerns of life; and, for my part, I can truly say, +that I owe more of my great labours to my strict adherence to the +precepts that I have here given you, than to all the natural abilities +with which I have been endowed; for these, whatever may have been their +amount, would have been of comparatively little use, even aided by great +sobriety and abstinence, if I had not, in early life, contracted the +blessed habit of husbanding well my time. To this, more than to any +other thing, I owed my very extraordinary promotion in the army. I was +_always ready_: if I had to mount guard at _ten_, I was ready at _nine_: +never did any man, or any thing, wait one moment for me. Being, at an +age _under twenty years_, raised from Corporal to Serjeant Major _at +once_, over the heads of thirty Serjeants, I naturally should have been +an object of envy and hatred; but this habit of early rising and of +rigid adherence to the precepts which I have given you, really subdued +these passions; because every one felt, that what I did he had never +done, and never could do. Before my promotion, a clerk was wanted to +make out the morning report of the regiment. I rendered the clerk +unnecessary; and, long before any other man was dressed for the parade, +my work for the morning was all done, and I myself was on the parade, +walking, in fine weather, for an hour perhaps. My custom was this: to +get up, in summer, at day-light, and in winter at four o'clock; shave, +dress, even to the putting of my sword-belt over my shoulder, and having +my sword lying on the table before me, ready to hang by my side. Then I +ate a bit of cheese, or pork, and bread. Then I prepared my report, +which was filled up as fast as the companies brought me in the +materials. After this I had an hour or two to read, before the time came +for any duty out of doors, unless when the regiment or part of it went +out to exercise in the morning. When this was the case, and the matter +was left to me, I always had it on the ground in such time as that the +bayonets glistened in the _rising sun_, a sight which gave me delight, +of which I often think, but which I should in vain endeavour to +describe. If the _officers_ were to go out, eight or ten o'clock was the +hour, sweating the men in the heat of the day, breaking in upon the time +for cooking their dinner, putting all things out of order and all men +out of humour. When I was commander, the men had a long day of leisure +before them: they could ramble into the town or into the woods; go to +get raspberries, to catch birds, to catch fish, or to pursue any other +recreation, and such of them as chose, and were qualified, to work at +their trades. So that here, arising solely from the early habits of one +very young man, were pleasant and happy days given to hundreds. + +40. _Money_ is said to be _power_, which is, in some cases, true; and +the same may be said of _knowledge_; but superior _sobriety_, _industry_ +and _activity_, are a still more certain source of power; for without +these, _knowledge_ is of little use; and, as to the power which _money_ +gives, it is that of _brute force_, it is the power of the bludgeon and +the bayonet, and of the bribed press, tongue and pen. Superior sobriety, +industry, activity, though accompanied with but a moderate portion of +knowledge, command respect, because they have great and visible +influence. The drunken, the lazy, and the inert, stand abashed before +the sober and the active. Besides, all those whose interests are at +stake prefer, of necessity, those whose exertions produce the greatest +and most immediate and visible effect. Self-interest is no respecter of +persons: it asks, not who knows best what ought to be done, but who is +most likely to do it: we may, and often do, admire the talents of lazy, +and even dissipated men, but we do not trust them with the care of our +interests. If, therefore, you would have respect and influence in the +circle in which you move, be more sober, more industrious, more active +than the general run of those amongst whom you live. + +41. As to EDUCATION, this word is now applied exclusively to things +which are taught in schools; but _education_ means _rearing up_, and the +French speak of the education of _pigs_ and _sheep_. In a very famous +French book on rural affairs, there is a Chapter entitled '_Education du +Cochon_,' that is, _education of the hog_. The word has the same meaning +in both languages; for both take it from the Latin. Neither is the word +LEARNING properly confined to things taught in schools, or by books; +for, _learning_ means _knowledge_; and, but a comparatively small part +of useful knowledge comes from books. Men are not to be called +_ignorant_ merely because they cannot make upon paper certain marks with +a pen, or because they do not know the meaning of such marks when made +by others. A ploughman may be very _learned_ in his line, though he does +not know what the letters _p. l. o. u. g. h_ mean when he sees them +combined upon paper. The first thing to be required of a man is, that he +understand well his own _calling_, or _profession_; and, be you in what +state of life you may, to acquire this knowledge ought to be your first +and greatest care. A man who has had a new-built house tumble down will +derive little more consolation from being told that the architect is a +great astronomer, than this distressed nation now derives from being +assured that its distresses arise from the measures of a long list of +the greatest orators and greatest heroes that the world ever beheld. + +42. Nevertheless, book-learning is by no means to be despised; and it is +a thing which may be laudably sought after by persons in all states of +life. In those pursuits which are called _professions_, it is necessary, +and also in certain trades; and, in persons in the middle ranks of life, +a total absence of such learning is somewhat disgraceful. There is, +however, one danger to be carefully guarded against; namely, the opinion +that your genius, or your literary acquirements, are such as to warrant +you in disregarding the calling in which you are, and by which you gain +your bread. Parents must have an uncommon portion of solid sense to +counterbalance their natural affection sufficiently to make them +competent judges in such a case. Friends are partial; and those who are +not, you deem enemies. Stick, therefore, to _the shop; _rely upon your +mercantile or mechanical or professional calling; try your strength in +literature, if you like; but, _rely_ on the shop. If BLOOMFIELD, who +wrote a poem called the FARMER'S BOY, had placed no _reliance_ on the +faithless muses, his unfortunate and much-to-be-pitied family would, in +all probability, have not been in a state to solicit relief from +charity. I remember that this loyal shoemaker was flattered to the +skies, and (ominous sign, if he had understood it) feasted at the tables +of some of the great. Have, I beseech you, no hope of this sort; and, if +you find it creeping towards your heart, drive it instantly away as the +mortal foe of your independence and your peace. + +43. With this precaution, however, book-learning is not only proper, but +highly commendable; and portions of it are absolutely necessary in every +case of trade or profession. One of these portions is distinct reading, +plain and neat writing, and _arithmetic_. The two former are mere +child's work; the latter not quite so easily acquired, but equally +indispensable, and of it you ought to have a thorough knowledge before +you attempt to study even the grammar of your own language. Arithmetic +is soon learned; it is not a thing that requires much natural talent; it +is not a thing that loads the memory or puzzles the mind; and it is a +thing of _every-day utility_. Therefore, this is, to a certain extent, +an absolute necessary; an indispensable acquisition. Every man is not to +be a _surveyor_ or an _actuary_; and, therefore, you may stop far short +of the knowledge, of this sort, which is demanded by these professions; +but, as far as common accounts and calculations go, you ought to be +perfect; and this you may make yourself, without any assistance from a +master, by bestowing upon this science, during six months, only one half +of the time that is, by persons of your age, usually wasted over the +tea-slops, or other kettle-slops, alone! If you become _fond_ of this +science, there may be a little danger of wasting your time on it. When, +therefore, you have got as much of it as your business or profession can +possibly render necessary, turn the time to some other purpose. As to +_books_, on this subject, they are in everybody's hand; but, there is +_one book_ on the subject of calculations, which I must point out to +you; 'THE CAMBIST,' by Dr. KELLY. This is a bad title, because, to men +in general, it gives no idea of what the book treats of. It is a book +which shows the value of the several pieces of money of one country when +stated in the money of another country. For instance, it tells us what a +Spanish Dollar, a Dutch Dollar, a French Frank, and so on, is worth in +English money. It does the same with regard to _weights_ and _measures_: +and it extends its information to _all the countries in the world_. It +is a work of rare merit; and every youth, be his state of life what it +may, if it permit him to pursue book-learning of any sort, and +particularly if he be destined, or at all likely to meddle with +commercial matters, ought, as soon as convenient, to possess this +valuable and instructive book. + +44. The next thing is the GRAMMAR of your own language. Without +understanding this, you can never hope to become fit for anything beyond +mere trade or agriculture. It is true, that we do (God knows!) but too +often see men have great wealth, high titles, and boundless power heaped +upon them, who can hardly write ten lines together correctly; but, +remember, it is not _merit_ that has been the cause of their +advancement; the cause has been, in almost every such case, the +subserviency of the party to the will of some government, and the +baseness of some nation who have quietly submitted to be governed by +brazen fools. Do not you imagine, that you will have luck of this sort: +do not you hope to be rewarded and honoured for that ignorance which +shall prove a scourge to your country, and which will earn you the +curses of the children yet unborn. Rely you upon your merit, and upon +nothing else. Without a knowledge of grammar, it is impossible for you +to write correctly, and it is by mere accident if you speak correctly; +and, pray bear in mind, that all well-informed persons judge of a man's +mind (until they have other means of judging) by his writing or +speaking. The labour necessary to acquire this knowledge is, indeed, not +trifling: grammar is not, like arithmetic, a science consisting of +several distinct departments, some of which may be dispensed with: it is +a whole, and the whole must be learned, or no part is learned. The +subject is abstruse: it demands much reflection and much patience: but, +when once the task is performed, it is performed _for life_, and in +every day of that life it will be found to be, in a greater or less +degree, a source of pleasure or of profit or of both together. And, what +is the labour? It consists of no bodily exertion; it exposes the student +to no cold, no hunger, no suffering of any sort. The study need subtract +from the hours of no business, nor, indeed, from the hours of necessary +exercise: the hours usually spent on the tea and coffee slops and in the +mere gossip which accompany them; those wasted hours of only _one year_, +employed in the study of English grammar, would make you a correct +speaker and writer for the rest of your life. You want no school, no +room to study in, no expenses, and no troublesome circumstances of any +sort. I learned grammar when I was a private soldier on the pay of +sixpence a day. The edge of my berth, or that of the guard-bed, was my +seat to study in; my knapsack was my book-case; a bit of board, lying on +my lap, was my writing-table; and the task did not demand any thing like +a year of my life. I had no money to purchase candle or oil; in +winter-time it was rarely that I could get any evening-light but that of +_the fire_, and only my _turn_ even of that. And if I, under such +circumstances, and without parent or friend to advise or encourage me, +accomplished this undertaking, what excuse can there be for _any youth_, +however poor, however pressed with business, or however circumstanced as +to room or other conveniences? To buy a pen or a sheet of paper I was +compelled to forego some portion of food, though in a state of +half-starvation; I had no moment of time that I could call my own; and I +had to read and to write amidst the talking, laughing, singing, +whistling and brawling of at least half a score of the most thoughtless +of men, and that too in the hours of their freedom from all control. +Think not lightly of the _farthing_ that I had to give, now and then, +for ink, pen, or paper! That farthing was, alas! a _great sum_ to me! I +was as tall as I am now; I had great health and great exercise. The +whole of the money, not expended for us at market, was _two-pence a +week_ for each man. I remember, and well I may! that upon one occasion +I, after all absolutely necessary expenses, had, on a Friday, made shift +to have a halfpenny in reserve, which I had destined for the purchase of +a _red-herring_ in the morning; but, when I pulled off my clothes at +night, so hungry then as to be hardly able to endure life, I found that +I had _lost my halfpenny_! I buried my head under the miserable sheet +and rug, and cried like a child! And, again I say, if I, under +circumstances like these, could encounter and overcome this task, is +there, can there be, in the whole world, a youth to find an excuse for +the non-performance? What youth, who shall read this, will not be +ashamed to say, that he is not able to find time and opportunity for +this most essential of all the branches of book-learning? + +45. I press this matter with such earnestness, because a knowledge of +grammar is the foundation of all literature; and because without this +knowledge opportunities for writing and speaking are only occasions for +men to display their unfitness to write and speak. How many false +pretenders to erudition, have I exposed to shame merely by my knowledge +of grammar! How many of the insolent and ignorant great and powerful +have I pulled down and made little and despicable! And, with what ease +have I conveyed upon numerous important subjects, information and +instruction to millions now alive, and provided a store of both for +millions yet unborn! As to the course to be pursued in this great +undertaking, it is, first, to read the grammar from the first word to +the last, very attentively, several times over; then, to copy the whole +of it very correctly and neatly; and then to study the Chapters one by +one. And what do this reading and writing require as to time? Both +together not more than the tea-slops and their gossips for _three +months_! There are about three hundred pages in my English Grammar. Four +of those little pages in a day, which is a mere trifle of work, do the +thing in _three months_. Two hours a day are quite sufficient for the +purpose; and these may, in any _town_ that I have ever known, or in any +village, be taken from that part of the morning during which the main +part of the people are in bed. I do not like the evening-candle-light +work: it wears the eyes much more than the same sort of light in the +morning, because then the faculties are in vigour and wholly +unexhausted. But for this purpose there is sufficient of that day-light +which is usually wasted; usually gossipped or lounged away; or spent in +some other manner productive of no pleasure, and generally producing +pain in the end. It is very becoming in all persons, and particularly in +the young, to be civil, and even polite: but it becomes neither young +nor old to have an everlasting simper on their faces, and their bodies +sawing in an everlasting bow: and, how many youths have I seen who, if +they had spent, in the learning of grammar, a tenth part of the time +that they have consumed in earning merited contempt for their affected +gentility, would have laid the foundation of sincere respect towards +them for the whole of their lives! + +46. _Perseverance_ is a prime quality in every pursuit, and particularly +in this. Yours is, too, the time of life to acquire this inestimable +habit. Men fail much oftener from want of perseverance than from want of +talent and of good disposition: as the race was not to the hare but to +the tortoise, so the meed of success in study is to him who is not in +haste, but to him who proceeds with a steady and even step. It is not to +a want of taste or of desire or of disposition to learn that we have to +ascribe the rareness of good scholars, so much as to the want of patient +perseverance. Grammar is a branch of knowledge; like all other things of +high value, it is of difficult acquirement: the study is dry; the +subject is intricate; it engages not the passions; and, if the _great +end_ be not kept constantly in view; if you lose, for a moment, sight of +the _ample reward_, indifference begins, that is followed by weariness, +and disgust and despair close the book. To guard against this result be +not in _haste_; keep _steadily on_; and, when you find weariness +approaching, rouse yourself, and remember, that if you give up, all that +you have done has been done in vain. This is a matter of great moment; +for out of every ten, who undertake this task, there are, perhaps, nine +who abandon it in despair; and this, too, merely for the want of +resolution to overcome the first approaches of weariness. The most +effectual means of security against this mortifying result is to lay +down a rule to write or to read a certain fixed quantity _every day_, +Sunday excepted. Our minds are not always in the same state; they have +not, at all times, the same elasticity; to-day we are full of hope on +the very same grounds which, to-morrow, afford us no hope at all: every +human being is liable to those flows and ebbs of the mind; but, if +reason interfere, and bid you _overcome the fits of lassitude_, and +almost mechanically to go on without the stimulus of hope, the buoyant +fit speedily returns; you congratulate yourself that you did not yield +to the temptation to abandon your pursuit, and you proceed with more +vigour than ever. Five or six triumphs over temptation to indolence or +despair lay the foundation of certain success; and, what is of still +more importance, fix in you the _habit of perseverance_. + +47. If I have bestowed a large portion of my space on this topic, it has +been because I know, from experience as well as from observation, that +it is of more importance than all the other branches of book-learning +put together. It gives you, when you possess it thoroughly, a real and +practical superiority over the far greater part of men. How often did I +experience this even long before I became what is called an author! The +_Adjutant_, under whom it was my duty to act when I was a Serjeant +Major, was, as almost all military officers are, or at least _were_, a +very illiterate man, perceiving that every sentence of mine was in the +same form and manner as sentences in _print_, became shy of letting me +see pieces of _his_ writing. The writing of _orders_, and other things, +therefore, fell to me; and thus, though no nominal addition was made to +my pay, and no nominal addition to my authority, I acquired the latter +as effectually as if a law had been passed to confer it upon me. In +short, I owe to the possession of this branch of knowledge everything +that has enabled me to do so many things that very few other men have +done, and that now gives me a degree of influence, such as is possessed +by few others, in the most weighty concerns of the country. The +possession of this branch of knowledge raises you in your own esteem, +gives just confidence in yourself, and prevents you from being the +willing slave of the rich and the titled part of the community. It +enables you to discover that riches and titles do not confer merit; you +think comparatively little of them; and, as far as relates to you, at +any rate, their insolence is innoxious. + +48. Hoping that I have said enough to induce you to set resolutely about +the study of _grammar_, I might here leave the subject of _learning_; +arithmetic and grammar, both _well learned_, being as much as I could +wish in a mere youth. But these need not occupy the whole of your spare +time; and, there are other branches of learning which ought immediately +to follow. If your own calling or profession require book-study, books +treating of that are to be preferred to all others; for, the first +thing, the first object in life, is to secure the honest means of +obtaining sustenance, raiment, and a state of being suitable to your +rank, be that rank what it may: excellence in your own calling is, +therefore, the first thing to be aimed at. After this may come _general +knowledge_, and of this, the first is a thorough knowledge of _your own +country_; for, how ridiculous is it to see an English youth engaged in +reading about the customs of the Chinese or of the Hindoos, while he is +content to be totally ignorant of those of Kent or of Cornwall! Well +employed he must be in ascertaining how Greece was divided and how the +Romans parcelled out their territory, while he knows not, and apparently +does not want to know, how England came to be divided into counties, +hundreds, parishes and tithings. + +49. GEOGRAPHY naturally follows Grammar; and you should begin with that +of this kingdom, which you ought to understand well, perfectly well, +before you venture to look abroad. A rather slight knowledge of the +divisions and customs of other countries is, generally speaking, +sufficient; but, not to know these full well, as far as relates to our +own country, is, in one who pretends to be a gentleman or a scholar, +somewhat disgraceful. Yet how many men are there, and those called +_gentlemen_ too, who seem to think that counties and parishes, and +churches and parsons, and tithes and glebes, and manors and courts-leet, +and paupers and poor-houses, all grew up in England, or dropped down +upon it, immediately after Noah's flood! Surely, it is necessary for +every man, having any pretensions to scholarship, to know _how these +things came_; and, the sooner this knowledge is acquired the better; +for, until it be acquired, you read the _history_ of your country in +vain. Indeed, to communicate this knowledge is one main part of the +business of history; but it is a part which no historian, commonly so +called, has, that I know of, ever yet performed, except, in part, +myself, in the History of the PROTESTANT REFORMATION. I had read HUME'S +History of England, and the Continuation by SMOLLETT; but, in 1802, when +I wanted to write on the subject of the _non-residence of the clergy_, I +found, to my great mortification, that I knew nothing of the foundation +of the office and the claims of the parsons, and that I could not even +guess at the _origin of parishes_. This gave a new turn to my inquiries; +and I soon found the romancers, called historians, had given me no +information that I could rely on, and, besides, had done, apparently, +all they could to keep me in the dark. + +50. When you come to HISTORY, begin also with that _of your own +country_; and here it is my bounden duty to put you _well on your +guard_; for in this respect we are _peculiarly_ unfortunate, and for the +following reasons, to which I beg you to attend. Three _hundred years +ago_, the religion of England had been, during _nine hundred years_, the +Catholic religion: the Catholic clergy possessed about a third part of +all the lands and houses, which they held _in trust_ for their own +support, for the _building and repairing of churches_, and for the +relief of the poor, the widow, the orphan, and the stranger; but, at the +time just mentioned, the king and the aristocracy changed the religion +to _Protestant_, took the estates of the church and the poor _to +themselves as their own property_, and _taxed the people at large_ for +the building and repairing of churches and for the relief of the poor. +This great and terrible change, effected partly by force against the +people and partly by the most artful means of deception, gave rise to a +series of efforts, which has been continued from that day _to this_, to +cause us all to believe, _that that change was for the better_, that it +was for _our good_; and that, _before that time_, our forefathers were a +set of the most miserable slaves that the sun ever warmed with his +beams. It happened, too, that the _art of printing_ was not discovered, +or, at least, it was very little understood, until about the time when +this change took place; so that the books relating to former times were +confined to manuscript; and, besides, even these manuscript libraries +were destroyed with great care by those who had made the change and had +grasped the property of the poor and the church. Our '_Historians_,' as +they are called, have written under _fear_ of the powerful, or have been +_bribed_ by them; and, generally speaking, both at the same time; and, +accordingly, their works are, as far as they relate to former times, +masses of lies unmatched by any others that the world has ever seen. + +51. The great object of these lies always has been to make the main body +of the people believe, that the nation is now more happy, more populous, +more powerful, _than it was before it was Protestant_, and thereby to +induce us to conclude, that it was _a good thing for us_ that the +aristocracy should take to themselves the property of the poor and the +church, and make the people at large _pay taxes for the support of +both_. This has been, and still is, the great object of all those heaps +of lies; and those lies are continually spread about amongst us in all +forms of publication, from heavy folios down to halfpenny tracts. In +refutation of those lies we have only very few and rare ancient books to +refer to, and their information is incidental, seeing that their authors +never dreamed of the possibility of the lying generations which were to +come. We have the ancient acts of parliament, the common-law, the +customs, the canons of the church, and _the churches themselves_; but +these demand _analyses_ and _argument_, and they demand also a _really +free press_, and _unprejudiced and patient readers_. Never in this +world, before, had truth to struggle with so many and such great +disadvantages! + +52. To refute lies is not, at present, my business; but it is my +business to give you, in as small a compass as possible, one striking +proof that they are lies; and thereby to put you well upon your guard +for the whole of the rest of your life. The opinion sedulously +inculcated by these '_historians_' is this; that, before the +_Protestant_ times came, England was, comparatively, an insignificant +country, _having few people in it, and those few wretchedly poor and +miserable_. Now, take the following _undeniable facts_. All the parishes +in England are now (except where they have been _united_, and two, +three, or four, have been made into one) in point of _size_, what they +were _a thousand years ago_. The county of Norfolk is the best +cultivated of any one in England. This county has _now_ 731 parishes; +and the number was formerly greater. Of these parishes 22 _have now no +churches at all_; 74 contain less than 100 souls each: and 268 have _no +parsonage-houses_. Now, observe, every parish had, in old times, a +church and a parsonage-house. The county contains 2,092 square miles; +that is to say, something less than 3 square miles to each parish, and +that is 1,920 statute acres of land; and the _size_ of each parish is, +on an average, that of a piece of ground about one mile and a half each +way; so that the churches are, even now, on an average, only about _a +mile and a half from each other_. Now, the questions for you to put to +yourself are these: Were churches formerly built and kept up _without +being wanted_, and especially by a poor and miserable people? Did these +miserable people build 74 churches out of 731, each of which 74 had not +a hundred souls belonging to it? Is it a sign of an augmented +population, that 22 churches out of 731 have tumbled down and been +effaced? Was it a country _thinly_ inhabited by miserable people that +could build and keep a church in every piece of ground a mile and a half +each way, besides having, in this same county, 77 monastic +establishments and 142 free chapels? Is it a sign of augmented +population, ease and plenty, that, out of 731 parishes, 268 have +suffered the parsonage houses to fall into ruins, and their sites to +become patches of nettles and of brambles? Put these questions calmly to +yourself: common sense will dictate the answers; and truth will call for +an expression of your indignation against the lying historians and the +still more lying population-mongers. + + + + +LETTER II + +TO A YOUNG MAN + +53. In the foregoing Letter, I have given my advice to a Youth. In +addressing myself to you, I am to presume that you have entered upon +your present stage of life, having acted upon the precepts contained in +that letter; and that, of course, you are a sober, abstinent, +industrious and well-informed young man. In the succeeding letters, +which will be addressed to the _Lover_, the _Husband_, the _Father_ and +the _Citizen_, I shall, of course, have to include my notion of your +duties as a _master_, and as a person employed by _another_. In the +present letter, therefore, I shall confine myself principally to the +conduct of a young man with regard to the management of his means, or +money. + +54. Be you in what line of life you may, it will be amongst your +misfortunes if you have not time properly to attend to this matter; for +it very frequently happens, it has happened to thousands upon thousands, +not only to be ruined, according to the common acceptation of the word; +not only to be made poor, and to suffer from poverty, in consequence of +want of attention to pecuniary matters; but it has frequently, and even +generally, happened, that a want of attention to these matters has +impeded the progress of science, and of genius itself. A man, oppressed +with pecuniary cares and dangers, must be next to a miracle, if he have +his mind in a state fit for intellectual labours; to say nothing of the +temptations, arising from such distress, to abandon good principles, to +suppress useful opinions and useful facts; and, in short, to become a +disgrace to his kindred, and an evil to his country, instead of being an +honour to the former and a blessing to the latter. To be poor and +independent, is very nearly an impossibility. + +55. But, then, poverty is not a positive, but a relative term. BURKE +observed, and very truly, that a labourer who earned a sufficiency to +maintain him as a labourer, and to maintain him in a suitable manner; to +give him a sufficiency of good food, of clothing, of lodging, and of +fuel, ought not to be called _a poor man_; for that, though he had +little riches, though his, _compared_ with that of a lord, was a state +of poverty, it was not a state of poverty in itself. When, therefore, I +say that poverty is the cause of a depression of spirit, of inactivity +and of servility in men of literary talent, I must say, at the same +time, that the evil arises from their own fault; from their having +created for themselves imaginary wants; from their having indulged in +unnecessary enjoyments, and from their having caused that to be poverty, +which would not have been poverty, if they had been moderate in their +enjoyments. + +56. As it may be your lot (such has been mine) to live by your literary +talent, I will here, before I proceed to matter more applicable to +persons in other states of life, observe, that I cannot form an idea of +a mortal more wretched than a man of real talent, compelled to curb his +genius, and to submit himself in the exercise of that genius, to those +whom he knows to be far inferior to himself, and whom he must despise +from the bottom of his soul. The late Mr. WILLIAM GIFFORD, who was the +son of a shoemaker at ASHBURTON in Devonshire; who was put to school and +sent to the university at the expense of a generous and good clergyman +of the name of COOKSON, and who died, the other day, a sort of +whipper-in of MURRAY'S QUARTERLY REVIEW; this was a man of real genius; +and, to my certain personal knowledge, he detested, from the bottom of +his soul, the whole of the paper-money and Boroughmongering system, and +despised those by whom the system was carried on. But, he had imaginary +wants; he had been bred up in company with the rich and the extravagant; +expensive indulgences had been made necessary to him by habit; and, when +in the year 1798, or thereabouts, he had to choose between a bit of +bacon, a scrag of mutton, and a lodging at ten shillings a week, on the +one side, and made-dishes, wine, a fine house and a footman on the other +side, he chose the latter. He became the servile Editor of CANNING'S +Anti-jacobin newspaper; and he, who had more wit and learning than all +the rest of the writers put together, became the miserable tool in +circulating their attacks upon everything that was hostile to a system +which he deplored and detested. But he secured the made-dishes, the +wine, the footman and the coachman. A sinecure as '_clerk of the Foreign +Estreats_,' gave him 329_l._ a year, a double commissionership of the +lottery gave him 600_l._ or 700_l._ more; and, at a later period, his +Editorship of the Quarterly Review gave him perhaps as much more. He +rolled in his carriage for several years; he fared sumptuously; he was +buried at _Westminster Abbey_, of which his friend and formerly his +brother pamphleteer in defence of PITT was the _Dean_; and never is he +to be heard of more! Mr. GIFFORD would have been full as happy; his +health would have been better, his life longer, and his name would have +lived for ages, if he could have turned to the bit of bacon and scrag of +mutton in 1798; for his learning and talents were such, his reasonings +so clear and conclusive, and his wit so pointed and keen, that his +writings must have been generally read, must have been of long duration! +and, indeed, must have enabled him (he being always a single man) to +live in his latter days in as good style as that which he procured by +becoming a sinecurist, a pensioner and a _hack_, all which he was from +the moment he lent himself to the Quarterly Review. Think of the +mortification of such a man, when he was called upon to justify the +power-of-imprisonment bill in 1817! But to go into particulars would be +tedious: his life was a life of luxurious misery, than which a worse is +not to be imagined. + +57. So that poverty is, except where there is an actual want of food and +raiment, a thing much more imaginary than real. _The shame of poverty_, +the shame of being thought poor, is a great and fatal weakness, though +arising, in this country, from the fashion of the times themselves. When +a _good man_, as in the phraseology of the city, means a _rich man_, we +are not to wonder that every one wishes to be thought richer than he is. +When adulation is sure to follow wealth, and when contempt would be +awarded to many if they were not wealthy, who are spoken of with +deference, and even lauded to the skies, because their riches are great +and notorious; when this is the case, we are not to be surprised that +men are ashamed to be thought to be poor. This is one of the greatest of +all the dangers at the outset of life: it has brought thousands and +hundreds of thousands to ruin, even to _pecuniary_ ruin. One of the most +amiable features in the character of American society is this; that men +never boast of their riches, and never disguise their poverty; but they +talk of both as of any other matter fit for public conversation. No man +shuns another because he is poor: no man is preferred to another because +he is rich. In hundreds and hundreds of instances, men, not worth a +shilling, have been chosen by the people and entrusted with their rights +and interests, in preference to men who ride in their carriages. + +58. This shame of being thought poor, is not only dishonourable in +itself, and fatally injurious to men of talent; but it is ruinous even +in a _pecuniary_ point of view, and equally destructive to farmers, +traders, and even gentlemen of landed estate. It leads to everlasting +efforts to _disguise one's poverty_: the carriage, the servants, the +wine, (oh, that fatal wine!) the spirits, the decanters, the glasses, +all the table apparatus, the dress, the horses, the dinners, the +parties, all must be kept up; not so much because he or she who keeps or +gives them, has any pleasure arising therefrom, as because not to keep +and give them, would give rise to a suspicion _of the want of means_ so +to give and keep; and thus thousands upon thousands are yearly brought +into a state of real poverty by their great _anxiety not to be thought +poor_. Look round you, mark well what you behold, and say if this be not +the case. In how many instances have you seen most amiable and even most +industrious families brought to ruin by nothing but this! Mark it well; +resolve to set this false shame at defiance, and when you have done +that, you have laid the first stone of the surest foundation of your +future tranquillity of mind. There are thousands of families, at this +very moment, who are thus struggling to keep up appearances. The farmers +accommodate themselves to circumstances more easily than tradesmen and +professional men. They live at a greater distance from their neighbours: +they can change their style of living unperceived: they can banish the +decanter, change the dishes for a bit of bacon, make a treat out of a +rasher and eggs, and the world is none the wiser all the while. But the +tradesman, the doctor, the attorney, and the trader, cannot make the +change so quietly, and unseen. The accursed wine, which is a sort of +criterion of the style of living, a sort of _scale_ to the _plan_, a +sort of _key_ to the _tune_; this is the thing to banish first of all; +because all the rest follow, and come down to their proper level in a +short time. The accursed decanter cries footman or waiting maid, puts +bells to the side of the wall, screams aloud for carpets; and when I am +asked, 'Lord, _what_ is a glass of wine?' my answer is, that, in this +country, it is _everything_; it is the pitcher of the key; it demands +all the other unnecessary expenses; it is injurious to health, and must +be injurious, every bottle of wine that is drunk containing a certain +portion of ardent spirits, besides other drugs deleterious in their +nature; and, of all the friends to the doctors, this fashionable +beverage is the greatest. And, which adds greatly to the folly, or, I +should say, the real vice of using it, is, that the parties themselves, +nine times out of ten, do not drink it by _choice_; do not like it; do +not relish it; but use it from mere ostentation, being ashamed to be +seen even by their own servants, not to drink wine. At the very moment I +am writing this, there are thousands of families in and near London, who +daily have wine upon their tables, and who _drink_ it too, merely +because their own servants should not suspect them to be poor, and not +deem them to be genteel; and thus families by thousands are ruined, only +because they are ashamed to be thought poor. + +59. There is no shame belonging to poverty, which frequently arises from +the virtues of the impoverished parties. Not so frequently, indeed, as +from vice, folly, and indiscretion; but still very frequently. And as +the Scripture tells us, that we are not to 'despise the poor _because_ +he is poor'; so we ought not to honour the rich because he is rich. The +true way is, to take a fair survey of the character of a man as depicted +in his conduct, and to respect him, or despise him, according to a due +estimate of that character. No country upon earth exhibits so many, as +this, of those fatal terminations of life, called suicides. These arise, +in nine instances out of ten, from this very source. The victims are, in +general, what may be fairly called insane; but their insanity almost +always arises from the dread of poverty; not from the dread of a want of +the means of sustaining life, or even decent living, but from the dread +of being thought or known to be poor; from the dread of what is called +falling in the scale of society; a dread which is prevalent hardly in +any country but this. Looked at in its true light, what is there in +poverty to make a man take away his own life? he is the same man that he +was before: he has the same body and the same mind: if he even foresee a +great alteration in his dress or his diet, why should he kill himself on +that account? Are these all the things that a man wishes to live for? +But, such is the fact; so great is the disgrace upon this country, and +so numerous and terrible are the evils arising from this dread of being +thought to be poor. + +60. Nevertheless, men ought to take care of their means, ought to use +them prudently and sparingly, and to keep their expenses always within +the bounds of their income, be it what it may. One of the effectual +means of doing this is to purchase with ready money. ST. PAUL says, +'_Owe no man any thing_:' and of his numerous precepts this is by no +means the least worthy of our attention. _Credit_ has been boasted of as +a very fine thing: to decry credit seems to be setting oneself up +against the opinions of the whole world; and I remember a paper in the +FREEHOLDER or the SPECTATOR, published just after the funding system had +begun, representing 'PUBLIC Credit' as a GODDESS, enthroned in a temple +dedicated to her by her votaries, amongst whom she is dispensing +blessings of every description. It must be more than forty years since I +read this paper, which I read soon after the time when the late Mr. PITT +uttered in Parliament an expression of his anxious hope, that his 'name +would be inscribed on the _monument_ which he should raise to '_public +credit_.' Time has taught me, that PUBLIC CREDIT means, the contracting +of debts which a nation never can pay; and I have lived to see this +_Goddess_ produce effects, in my country, which Satan himself never +could have produced. It is a very bewitching Goddess; and not less fatal +in her influence in private than in public affairs. It has been carried +in this latter respect to such a pitch, that scarcely any transaction, +however low and inconsiderable in amount, takes place in any other way. +There is a trade in London, called the 'tally-trade,' by which, +household goods, coals, clothing, all sorts of things, are sold upon +credit, the seller keeping _a tally_, and receiving payment for the +goods, little by little; so that the income and the earnings of the +buyers are always anticipated; are always gone, in fact, before they +come in or are earned; the sellers receiving, of course, a great deal +more than the proper profit. + +61. Without supposing you to descend to so low a grade as this, and even +supposing you to be lawyer, doctor, parson, or merchant; it is still the +same thing, if you purchase on credit, and not, perhaps, in a much less +degree of disadvantage. Besides the higher price that you pay there is +the temptation to have what you _really do not want_. The cost seems a +trifle, when you have not to pay the money until a future time. It has +been observed, and very truly observed, that men used to lay out a +one-pound note when they would not lay out a sovereign; a consciousness +of the intrinsic value of the things produces a retentiveness in the +latter case more than in the former: the sight and the touch assist the +mind in forming its conclusions, and the one-pound note was parted with, +when the sovereign would have been kept. Far greater is the difference +between Credit and Ready money. Innumerable things are not bought at all +with ready money, which would be bought in case of trust: it is so much +easier to _order_ a thing than to _pay_ for it. A future day; a day of +payment must come, to be sure, but that is little thought of at the +time; but if the money were to be drawn out, the moment the thing was +received or offered, this question would arise, '_Can I do without it_?' +Is this thing indispensable; am I compelled to have it, or suffer a loss +or injury greater in amount than the cost of the thing? If this question +were put, every time we make a purchase, seldom should we hear of those +suicides which are such a disgrace to this country. + +62. I am aware, that it will be said, and very truly said, that the +concerns of merchants; that the purchasing of great estates, and various +other great transactions, cannot be carried on in this manner; but these +are rare exceptions to the rule; even in these cases there might be much +less of bills and bonds, and all the sources of litigation; but in the +every-day business of life; in transactions with the butcher, the baker, +the tailor, the shoemaker, what excuse can there be for pleading the +example of the merchant, who carries on his work by ships and exchanges? +I was delighted, some time ago, by being told of a young man, who, upon +being advised _to keep a little account_ of all he received and +expended, answered, 'that his business was not to keep account books: +that he was sure not to make a mistake as to his income; and that, as to +his expenditure, the little bag that held his sovereigns would be an +infallible guide, as he never bought anything that he did not +immediately pay for.' + +63. I believe that nobody will deny, that, generally speaking, you pay +for the same article a fourth part more in the case of trust than you do +in the case of ready money. Suppose, then, the baker, butcher, tailor, +and shoemaker, receive from you only one hundred pounds a year. Put that +together; that is to say, multiply twenty-five by twenty, and you will +find, that, at the end of twenty years, you have 500_l._, besides the +accumulating and growing interest. The fathers of the Church (I mean the +ancient ones), and also the canons of the Church, forbade selling on +trust at a higher price than for ready money, which was in effect to +forbid _trust_; and this, doubtless, was one of the great objects which +those wise and pious men had in view; for they were fathers in +legislation and morals as well as in religion. But the doctrine of these +fathers and canons no longer prevails; they are set at nought by the +present age, even in the countries that adhere to their religion. +ADDISON'S Goddess has prevailed over the fathers and the canons; and men +not only make a difference in the price regulated by the difference in +the mode of payment; but it would be absurd to expect them to do +otherwise. They must not only charge something for the want of the _use_ +of the money; but they must charge something additional for the _risk_ +of its loss, which may frequently arise, and most frequently does arise, +from the misfortunes of those to whom they have assigned their goods on +trust. The man, therefore, who purchases on trust, not only pays for the +trust, but he also pays his due share of what the tradesman loses by +trust; and, after all, he is not so good a customer as the man who +purchases cheaply with ready money; for there is his name indeed in the +tradesman's book; but with that name the tradesman cannot go to market +to get a fresh supply. + +64. Infinite are the ways in which gentlemen lose by this sort of +dealing. Servants go and order sometimes things not wanted at all; at +other times, more than is wanted; at others, things of a higher quality; +and all this would be obviated by purchasing with ready money; for, +whether through the hands of the party himself, or through those of an +inferior, there would always be an actual counting out of the money; +somebody would _see_ the thing bought and see the money paid; and, as +the master would give the housekeeper or steward a bag of money at the +time, he would _see_ the money too, would set a proper value upon it, +and would just desire to know upon what it had been expended. + +65. How is it that farmers are so exact, and show such a disposition to +retrench in the article of labour, when they seem to think little, or +nothing, about the sums which they pay in tax upon malt, wine, sugar, +tea, soap, candles, tobacco, and various other things? You find the +utmost difficulty in making them understand, that they are affected by +these. The reason is, that they _see_ the money which they give to the +labourer on each succeeding Saturday night; but they do not see that +which they give in taxes on the articles before mentioned. Why is it +that they make such an outcry about the six or seven millions a year +which are paid in poor-rates, and say not a word about the sixty +millions a year raised in other taxes? The consumer pays all; and, +therefore, they are as much interested in the one as the other; and yet +the farmers think of no tax but the poor tax. The reason is, that the +latter is collected from them in _money_: they _see_ it go out of their +hands into the hands of another; and, therefore, they are everlastingly +anxious to reduce the poor-rates, and they take care to keep them within +the smallest possible bounds. + +66. Just thus would it be with every man that never purchased but with +ready money: he would make the amount as low as possible in proportion +to his means: this care and frugality would make an addition to his +means, and therefore, in the end, at the end of his life, he would have +had a great deal more to spend, and still be as rich as if he had gone +in trust; while he would have lived in tranquillity all the while, and +would have avoided all the endless papers and writings and receipts and +bills and disputes and law-suits inseparable from a system of credit. +This is by no means a lesson of _stinginess_; by no means tends to +inculcate a heaping up of money; for the purchasing with ready money +really gives you more money to purchase with; you can afford to have a +greater quantity and variety of things; and I will engage that, if +horses or servants be your taste, the saving in this way gives you an +additional horse or an additional servant, if you be in any profession +or engaged in any considerable trade. In towns, it tends to accelerate +your pace along the streets; for the temptation of the windows is +answered in a moment by clapping your hand upon your thigh; and the +question, 'Do I really want that?' is sure to occur to you immediately, +because the touch of the money is sure to put that thought in your mind. + +67. Now, supposing you to have a plenty; to have a fortune beyond your +wants, would not the money which you would save in this way be very well +applied in acts of real benevolence? Can you walk many yards in the +streets; can you ride a mile in the country; can you go to half-a-dozen +cottages; can you, in short, open your eyes, without seeing some human +being, some one born in the same country with yourself, and who, on that +account alone, has some claim upon your good wishes and your charity; +can you open your eyes without seeing some person to whom even a small +portion of your annual savings would convey gladness of heart? Your own +heart will suggest the answer; and, if there were no motive but this, +what need I say more in the advice which I have here tendered to you? + +68. Another great evil arising from this desire to be thought rich; or, +rather from the desire not to be thought poor, is the destructive thing +which has been honoured by the name of '_speculation_;' but which ought +to be called Gambling. It is a purchasing of something which you do not +want either in your family or in the way of ordinary trade: a something +to be sold again with a great profit; and on the sale of which there is +a considerable hazard. When purchases of this sort are made with ready +money, they are not so offensive to reason and not attended with such +risk; but when they are made with money _borrowed_ for the purpose, they +are neither more nor less than gambling transactions; and they have +been, in this country, a source of ruin, misery, and suicide, admitting +of no adequate description. I grant that this gambling has arisen from +the influence of the '_Goddess_' before mentioned; I grant that it has +arisen from the facility of obtaining the fictitious means of making the +purchases; and I grant that that facility has been created by the system +under the baneful influence of which we live. But it is not the less +necessary that I beseech you not to practise such gambling; that I +beseech you, if you be engaged in it, to disentangle yourself from it as +soon as you can. Your life, while you are thus engaged, is the life of +the gamester; a life of constant anxiety; constant desire to over-reach; +constant apprehension; general gloom, enlivened, now and then, by a +gleam of hope or of success. Even that success is sure to lead to +further adventures; and, at last, a thousand to one, that your fate is +that of the pitcher to the well. + +69. The great temptation to this gambling is, as is the case in other +gambling, the _success of the few_. As young men who crowd to the army, +in search of rank and renown, never look into the ditch that holds their +slaughtered companions; but have their eye constantly fixed on the +General-in-chief; and as each of them belongs to the _same profession_, +and is sure to be conscious that he has equal merit, every one deems +himself the suitable successor of him who is surrounded with _Aides des +camps_, and who moves battalions and columns by his nod; so with the +rising generation of 'speculators:' they see the great estates that have +succeeded the pencil-box and the orange-basket; they see those whom +nature and good laws made to black shoes, sweep chimnies or the streets, +rolling in carriages, or sitting in saloons surrounded by gaudy footmen +with napkins twisted round their thumbs; and they can see no earthly +reason why they should not all do the same; forgetting the thousands and +thousands, who, in making the attempt, have reduced themselves to that +beggary which, before their attempt, they would have regarded as a thing +wholly impossible. + +70. In all situations of life, avoid the _trammels of the law_. Man's +nature must be changed before law-suits will cease; and, perhaps, it +would be next to impossible to make them less frequent than they are in +the present state of this country; but though no man, who has any +property at all, can say that he will have nothing to do with law-suits, +it is in the power of most men to avoid them in a considerable degree. +One good rule is to have as little as possible to do with any man who is +fond of law-suits, and who, upon every slight occasion, talks of an +appeal to the law. Such persons, from their frequent litigations, +contract a habit of using the technical terms of the Courts, in which +they take a pride, and are, therefore, companions peculiarly disgusting +to men of sense. To such men a law-suit is a luxury, instead of being as +it is, to men of ordinary minds, a source of anxiety and a real and +substantial scourge. Such men are always of a quarrelsome disposition, +and avail themselves of every opportunity to indulge in that which is +mischievous to their neighbours. In thousands of instances men go to law +for the indulgence of mere anger. The Germans are said to bring +_spite-actions_ against one another, and to harass their poorer +neighbours from motives of pure revenge. They have carried this their +disposition with them to America; for which reason no one likes to live +in a German neighbourhood. + +71. Before you go to law consider well the _cost_; for if you win your +suit and are poorer than you were before, what do you accomplish? You +only imbibe a little additional anger against your opponent; you injure +him, but do harm to yourself. Better to put up with the loss of one +pound than of two, to which latter is to be added all the loss of time, +all the trouble, and all the mortification and anxiety attending a +law-suit. To set an attorney to work to worry and torment another man is +a very base act; to alarm his family as well as himself, while you are +sitting quietly at home. If a man owe you money which he cannot pay, why +add to his distress without the chance of benefit to yourself? Thousands +of men have injured themselves by resorting to the law; while very few +ever bettered themselves by it, except such resort were unavoidable. + +72. Nothing is much more discreditable than what is called _hard +dealing_. They say of the Turks, that they know nothing of _two prices_ +for the same article; and that to ask an abatement of the lowest +shopkeeper is to insult him. It would be well if Christians imitated +Mahometans in this respect. To ask one price and take another, or to +offer one price and give another, besides the loss of time that it +occasions, is highly dishonourable to the parties, and especially when +pushed to the extent of solemn protestations. It is, in fact, a species +of lying; and it answers no one advantageous purpose to either buyer or +seller. I hope that every young man who reads this, will start in life +with a resolution never to higgle and lie in dealings. There is this +circumstance in favour of the bookseller's business: every book has its +fixed price, and no one ever asks an abatement. If it were thus in all +other trades, how much time would be saved, and how much immorality +prevented! + +73. As to the spending of your time, your business or your profession +is to claim the priority of everything else. Unless that be _duly +attended to_, there can be no real pleasure in any other employment of +a portion of your time. Men, however, must have some leisure, some +relaxation from business; and in the choice of this relaxation much of +your happiness will depend. Where fields and gardens are at hand, they +present the most rational scenes for leisure. As to company, I have +said enough in the former letter to deter any young man from that of +drunkards and rioting companions; but there is such a thing as your +quiet '_pipe-and-pot-companions_,' which are, perhaps, the most fatal +of all. Nothing can be conceived more dull, more stupid, more the +contrary of edification and rational amusement, than sitting, sotting, +over a pot and a glass, sending out smoke from the head, and +articulating, at intervals, nonsense about all sorts of things. Seven +years service as a galley-slave would be more bearable to a man of +sense, than seven months confinement to society like this. Yet, such is +the effect of habit, that, if a young man become a frequenter of such +scenes, the idle propensity sticks to him for life. Some companions, +however, every man must have; but these every well-behaved man will find +in private houses, where families are found residing and where the +suitable intercourse takes place between women and men. A man that +cannot pass an evening without drink merits the name of a sot. Why +should there be drink for the purpose of carrying on conversation? Women +stand in need of no drink to stimulate them to converse; and I have a +thousand times admired their patience in sitting quietly at their work, +while their husbands are engaged, in the same room, with bottles and +glasses before them, thinking nothing of the expense and still less of +the shame which the distinction reflects upon them. We have to thank the +women for many things, and particularly for their sobriety, for fear of +following their example in which men drive them from the table, as if +they said to them: 'You have had enough; food is sufficient for you; but +we must remain to fill ourselves with drink, and to talk in language +which your ears ought not to endure.' When women are getting up to +retire from the table, men rise _in honour of_ them; but they take +special care not to follow their excellent example. That which is not +fit to be uttered before women is not fit to be uttered at all; and it +is next to a proclamation, tolerating drunkenness and indecency, to send +women from the table the moment they have swallowed their food. The +practice has been ascribed to a desire to leave them to themselves; but +why should they be left to themselves? Their conversation is always the +most lively, while their persons are generally the most agreeable +objects. No: the plain truth is, that it is the love of the drink and of +the indecent talk that send women from the table; and it is a practice +which I have always abhorred. I like to see young men, especially, +follow them out of the room, and prefer their company to that of the +sots who are left behind. + +74. Another mode of spending the leisure time is that of books. Rational +and well-informed companions may be still more instructive; but books +never annoy; they cost little; and they are always at hand, and ready at +your call. The sort of books must, in some degree, depend upon your +pursuit in life; but there are some books necessary to every one who +aims at the character of a well-informed man. I have slightly mentioned +HISTORY and Geography in the preceding letter; but I must here observe, +that, as to both these, you should begin with your own country, and make +yourself well acquainted, not only with its ancient state, but with the +_origin_ of all its principal institutions. To read of the battles which +it has fought, and of the intrigues by which one king or one minister +has succeeded another, is very little more profitable than the reading +of a romance. To understand well the history of the country, you should +first understand how it came to be divided into counties, hundreds, and +into parishes; how judges, sheriffs, and juries, first arose; to what +end they were all invented, and how the changes with respect to any of +them have been produced. But it is of particular consequence that you +ascertain the _state of the people_ in former times, which is to be +ascertained by _comparing the then price of labour with the then price +of food_. You hear enough, and you read enough, about the _glorious +wars_ in the reign of KING EDWARD the THIRD; and it is very proper that +those glories should be recorded and remembered; but you never read, in +the works of the historians, that, in that reign, a common labourer +earned threepence-halfpenny a day; and that a _fat sheep_ was sold, at +the same time, for one shilling and twopence, and a fat hog, two years +old, for three shillings and fourpence, and a fat goose for +twopence-halfpenny. You never read that women received a penny a day for +hay-making or weeding in the corn, and that a gallon of red wine was +sold for fourpence. These are matters which historians have deemed to be +beneath their notice; but they are matters of real importance: they are +matters which ought to have practical effect at this time; for these +furnish the criterion whereby we are to judge of our condition compared +with that of our forefathers. The poor-rates form a great feature in the +laws and customs of this country. Put to a thousand persons who have +read what is called the history of England; put to them the question, +how the poor-rates came? and nine hundred and ninety-nine of the +thousand will tell you, that they know nothing at all of the matter. +This is not history; a list of battles and a string of intrigues are not +history, they communicate no knowledge applicable to our present state; +and it really is better to amuse oneself with an avowed romance, which +latter is a great deal worse than passing one's time in counting the +trees. + +75. History has been described as affording arguments of experience; as +a record of what has been, in order to guide us as to what is likely to +be, or what ought to be; but, from this romancing history, no such +experience is to be derived: for it furnishes no facts on which to found +arguments relative to the existing or future state of things. To come at +the true history of a country you must read its laws: you must read +books treating of its usages and customs in former times; and you must +particularly inform yourself as to _prices of labour and of food_. By +reading the single Act of the 23rd year of EDWARD the THIRD, specifying +the price of labour at that time; by reading an Act of Parliament passed +in the 24th year of HENRY the EIGHTH; by reading these two Acts, and +then reading the CHRONICON PRECIOSUM of BISHOP FLEETWOOD, which shows +the price of food in the former reign, you come into full possession of +the knowledge of what England was in former times. Divers books teach +how the divisions of the country arose, and how its great institutions +were established; and the result of this reading is a store of +knowledge, which will afford you pleasure for the whole of your life. + +76. History, however, is by no means the only thing about which every +man's leisure furnishes him with the means of reading; besides which, +every man has not the same taste. Poetry, geography, moral essays, the +divers subjects of philosophy, travels, natural history, books on +sciences; and, in short, the whole range of book-knowledge is before +you; but there is one thing always to be guarded against; and that is, +not to admire and applaud anything you read, merely because it is the +_fashion_ to admire and applaud it. Read, consider well what you read, +form _your own judgment_, and stand by that judgment in despite of the +sayings of what are called learned men, until fact or argument be +offered to convince you of your error. One writer praises another; and +it is very possible for writers so to combine as to cry down and, in +some sort, to destroy the reputation of any one who meddles with the +combination, unless the person thus assailed be blessed with uncommon +talent and uncommon perseverance. When I read the works of POPE and of +SWIFT, I was greatly delighted with their lashing of DENNIS; but +wondered, at the same time, why they should have taken so much pains in +running down such a _fool_. By the merest accident in the world, being +at a tavern in the woods of America, I took up an old book, in order to +pass away the time while my travelling companions were drinking in the +next room; but seeing the book contained the criticisms of DENNIS, I was +about to lay it down, when the play of 'CATO' caught my eye; and having +been accustomed to read books in which this play was lauded to the +skies, and knowing it to have been written by ADDISON, every line of +whose works I had been taught to believe teemed with wisdom and genius, +I condescended to begin to read, though the work was from the pen of +that _fool_ DENNIS. I read on, and soon began to _laugh_, not at Dennis, +but at Addison. I laughed so much and so loud, that the landlord, who +was in the passage, came in to see what I was laughing at. In short, I +found it a most masterly production, one of the most witty things that I +had ever read in my life. I was delighted with DENNIS, and was heartily +ashamed of my former admiration of CATO, and felt no little resentment +against POPE and SWIFT for their endless reviling of this most able and +witty critic. This, as far as I recollect, was the first _emancipation_ +that had assisted me in my reading. I have, since that time, never taken +any thing upon trust: I have judged for myself, trusting neither to the +opinions of writers nor in the fashions of the day. Having been told by +DR. BLAIR, in his lectures on Rhetoric, that, if I meant to write +correctly, I must 'give my days and nights to ADDISON,' I read a few +numbers of the Spectator at the time I was writing my English Grammar: I +gave neither my nights nor my days to him; but I found an abundance of +matter to afford examples _of false grammar_; and, upon a reperusal, I +found that the criticisms of DENNIS might have been extended to this +book too. + +77. But that which never ought to have been forgotten by those who were +men at the time, and that which ought to be _made known to every young +man of the present day_, in order that he may be induced to exercise his +own judgment with regard to books, is, the transactions relative to the +writings of SHAKSPEARE, which transactions took place about thirty years +ago. It is still, and it was then much more, the practice to extol every +line of SHAKSPEARE to the skies: not to admire SHAKSPEARE has been +deemed to be a proof of want of understanding and taste. MR. GARRICK, +and some others after him, had their own good and profitable reasons for +crying up the works of this poet. When I was a very little boy, there +was a _jubilee_ in honour of SHAKSPEARE, and as he was said to have +planted a _Mulberry tree_, boxes, and other little ornamental things in +wood, were sold all over the country, as having been made out of the +trunk or limbs of this ancient and sacred tree. We Protestants laugh at +the _relics_ so highly prized by Catholics; but never was a Catholic +people half so much duped by the relics of saints, as this nation was by +the mulberry tree, of which, probably, more wood was sold than would +have been sufficient in quantity to build a ship of war, or a large +house. This madness abated for some years; but, towards the end of the +last century it broke out again with more fury than ever. SHAKSPEARE'S +works were published by BOYDELL, an Alderman of London, at a +subscription of _five hundred pounds for each copy_, accompanied by +plates, each forming a large picture. Amongst the mad men of the day was +a MR. IRELAND, who seemed to be more mad than any of the rest. His +adoration of the poet led him to perform a pilgrimage to an old +farm-house, near Stratford-upon-Avon, said to have been the birth-place +of the poet. Arrived at the spot, he requested the farmer and his wife +to let him search the house for papers, _first going upon his knees_, +and praying, in the poetic style, the gods to aid him in his quest. He +found no papers; but he found that the farmer's wife, in clearing out a +garret some years before, had found some rubbishy old papers which she +had _burnt_, and which had probably been papers used in the wrapping up +of pigs' cheeks to keep them from the bats. 'O, wretched woman!' +exclaimed he; 'do you know what you have done?' 'O dear, no!' said the +woman, half frightened out of her wits: 'no harm, I hope; for the papers +were _very old_; I dare say as old as the house itself.' This threw him +into an additional degree of _excitement_, as it is now fashionably +called: he raved, he stamped, he foamed, and at last quitted the house, +covering the poor woman with very term of reproach; and hastening back +to Stratford, took post-chaise for London, to relate to his brother +madmen the horrible sacrilege of this heathenish woman. Unfortunately +for MR. IRELAND, unfortunately for his learned brothers in the +metropolis, and unfortunately for the reputation of SHAKSPEARE, MR. +IRELAND took with him to the scene of his adoration _a son, about +sixteen years of age_, who was articled to an attorney in London. The +son was by no means so sharply bitten as the father; and, upon returning +to town, he conceived the idea of _supplying the place of the invaluable +papers_ which the farm-house heathen had destroyed. He thought, and he +thought rightly, that he should have little difficulty in writing plays +_just like those of Shakspeare_! To get _paper_ that should seem to have +been made in the reign of QUEEN ELIZABETH, and _ink_ that should give to +writing the appearance of having the same age, was somewhat difficult; +but both were overcome. Young IRELAND was acquainted with a son of a +bookseller, who dealt in _old books_: the blank leaves of these books +supplied the young author with paper; and he found out the way of making +proper ink for his purpose. To work he went, _wrote several plays_, some +_love-letters_, and other things; and having got a Bible, extant in the +time of SHAKSPEARE, he wrote _notes_ in the margin. All these, together +with _sonnets_ in abundance, and other little detached pieces, he +produced to his father, telling him he got them from a gentleman, who +had _made him swear that he would not divulge his name_. The father +announced the invaluable discovery to the literary world: the literary +world rushed to him; the manuscripts were regarded as genuine by the +most grave and learned Doctors, some of whom (and amongst these were +DOCTORS PARR and WARTON) gave, _under their hands_, an opinion, that the +manuscripts _must have been written_ by SHAKSPEARE; for that _no other +man in the world could have been capable of writing them_! + +78. MR. IRELAND opened a subscription, published these new and +invaluable manuscripts at an enormous price; and preparations were +instantly made for _performing one of the plays_, called VORTIGERN. Soon +after the acting of the play, the indiscretion of the lad caused the +secret to explode; and, instantly, those who had declared that he had +written as well as SHAKSPEARE, did every thing in their power _to +destroy him_! The attorney drove him from his office; the father drove +him from his house; and, in short, he was hunted down as if he had been +a malefactor of the worst description. The truth of this relation is +undeniable; it is recorded in numberless books. The young man is, I +believe, yet alive; and, in short, no man will question any one of the +facts. + +79. After this, where is the person of sense who will be guided in these +matters by _fashion_? where is the man, who wishes not to be deluded, +who will not, when he has read a book, _judge for himself_? After all +these jubilees and pilgrimages; after BOYDELL'S subscription of 500_l._ +for one single copy; after it had been deemed almost impiety to doubt of +the genius of SHAKSPEARE surpassing that of all the rest of mankind; +after he had been called the '_Immortal Bard_,' as a matter of course, +as we speak of MOSES and AARON, there having been but one of each in the +world; after all this, comes a lad of sixteen years of age, writes that +which learned Doctors declare could have been written by no man but +SHAKSPEARE, and, when it is discovered that this laughing boy is the +real author, the DOCTORS turn round upon him, with all the newspapers, +magazines, and reviews, and, of course, the public at their back, revile +him as an _impostor_; and, under that odious name, hunt him out of +society, and doom him to starve! This lesson, at any rate, he has given +us: not to rely on the judgment of Doctors and other pretenders to +literary superiority. Every young man, when he takes up a book for the +first time, ought to remember this story; and if he do remember it, he +will disregard fashion with regard to the book, and will pay little +attention to the decision of those who call themselves critics. + +80. I hope that your taste would keep you aloof from the writings of +those detestable villains, who employ the powers of their mind in +debauching the minds of others, or in endeavours to do it. They present +their poison in such captivating forms, that it requires great virtue +and resolution to withstand their temptations; and, they have, perhaps, +done a thousand times as much mischief in the world as all the infidels +and atheists put together. These men ought to be called _literary +pimps_: they ought to be held in universal abhorrence, and never spoken +of but with execration. Any appeal to bad passions is to be despised; +any appeal to ignorance and prejudice; but here is an appeal to the +frailties of human nature, and an endeavour to make the mind corrupt, +just as it is beginning to possess its powers. I never have known any +but bad men, worthless men, men unworthy of any portion of respect, who +took delight in, or even kept in their possession, writings of the +description to which I here allude. The writings of SWIFT have this +blemish; and, though he is not a teacher of _lewdness_, but rather the +contrary, there are certain parts of his poems which are much too filthy +for any decent person to read. It was beneath him to stoop to such means +of setting forth that wit which would have been far more brilliant +without them. I have heard, that, in the library of what is called an +'_illustrious_ person,' sold some time ago, there was an immense +collection of books of this infamous description; and from this +circumstance, if from no other, I should have formed my judgment of the +character of that person. + +81. Besides reading, a young man ought to write, if he have the capacity +and the leisure. If you wish to remember a thing well, put it into +writing, even if you burn the paper immediately after you have done; for +the eye greatly assists the mind. Memory consists of a concatenation of +ideas, the place, the time, and other circumstances, lead to the +recollection of facts; and no circumstance more effectually than stating +the facts upon paper. A JOURNAL should be kept by every young man. Put +down something against every day in the year, if it be merely a +description of the weather. You will not have done this for one year +without finding the benefit of it. It disburthens the mind of many +things to be recollected; it is amusing and useful, and ought by no +means to be neglected. How often does it happen that we cannot make a +statement of facts, sometimes very interesting to ourselves and our +friends, for the want of a record of the places where we were, and of +things that occurred on such and such a day! How often does it happen +that we get into disagreeable disputes about things that have passed, +and about the time and other circumstances attending them! As a thing of +mere curiosity, it is of some value, and may frequently prove of very +great utility. It demands not more than a minute in the twenty-four +hours; and that minute is most agreeably and advantageously employed. It +tends greatly to produce regularity in the conducting of affairs: it is +a thing demanding a small portion of attention _once in every day_; I +myself have found it to be attended with great and numerous benefits, +and I therefore strongly recommend it to the practice of every reader. + + + + +LETTER III + +TO A LOVER + +82. There are two descriptions of Lovers on whom all advice would be +wasted; namely, those in whose minds passion so wholly overpowers reason +as to deprive the party of his sober senses. Few people are entitled to +more compassion than young men thus affected: it is a species of +insanity that assails them; and, when it produces self-destruction, +which it does in England more frequently than in all the other countries +in the world put together, the mortal remains of the sufferer ought to +be dealt with in as tender a manner as that of which the most merciful +construction of the law will allow. If SIR SAMUEL ROMILLY'S remains +were, as they were, in fact, treated as those of a person labouring +under '_temporary mental derangement_,' surely the youth who destroys +his life on account of unrequited love, ought to be considered in as +mild a light! SIR SAMUEL was represented, in the evidence taken before +the Coroner's Jury, to have been _inconsolable for the loss of his +wife_; that this loss had so dreadful an effect upon his mind, that it +_bereft him of his reason_, made life insupportable, and led him to +commit the act of _suicide_: and, on _this ground alone_, his _remains_ +and his _estate_ were rescued from the awful, though just and wise, +sentence of the law. But, unfortunately for the reputation of the +administration of that just and wise law, there had been, only about two +years before, a _poor_ man, at Manchester, _buried in crossroads_, and +under circumstances which entitled his remains to mercy much more +clearly than in the case of SIR SAMUEL ROMILLY. + +83. This unfortunate youth, whose name was SMITH, and who was a +shoemaker, was in love with a young woman, who, in spite of all his +importunities and his proofs of ardent passion, refused to marry him, +and even discovered her liking for another; and he, unable to support +life, accompanied by the thought of her being in possession of any body +but himself, put an end to his life by the means of a rope. If, in any +case, we are to _presume_ the existence of insanity; if, in any case, we +are led to believe the thing _without positive proof_; if, in any case, +there can be an apology in human nature itself, for such an act; _this +was that case_. We all know (as I observed at the time); that is to say, +all of us who cannot wait to calculate upon the gains and losses of the +affair; all of us, except those who are endowed with this provident +frigidity, know well what youthful love is; and what its torments are, +when accompanied by even the smallest portion of jealousy. Every man, +and especially every Englishman (for here we seldom love or hate by +halves), will recollect how many mad pranks he has played; how many wild +and ridiculous things he has said and done between the age of sixteen +and that of twenty-two; how many times a kind glance has scattered all +his reasoning and resolutions to the winds; how many times a cool look +has plunged him into the deepest misery! Poor SMITH, who was at this age +of love and madness, might, surely, be presumed to have done the deed in +a moment of '_temporary mental derangement_.' He was an object of +compassion in every humane breast: he had parents and brethren and +kindred and friends to lament his death, and to feel shame at the +disgrace inflicted on his lifeless body: yet, HE was pronounced to be a +_felo de se_, or _self-murderer_, and his body was put into a hole by +the way-side, with a stake driven down through it; while that of ROMILLY +had mercy extended to it, on the ground that the act had been occasioned +by '_temporary mental derangement_' caused by his grief for the death of +his wife! + +84. To _reason_ with passion like that of the unfortunate SMITH, is +perfectly useless; you may, with as much chance of success, reason and +remonstrate with the winds or the waves: if you make impression, it +lasts but for a moment: your effort, like an inadequate stoppage of +waters, only adds, in the end, to the violence of the torrent: the +current must have and will have its course, be the consequences what +they may. In cases not quite so decided, _absence_, the sight _of new +faces_, the sound _of new voices_, generally serve, if not as a radical +cure, as a mitigation, at least, of the disease. But, the worst of it +is, that, on this point, we have the girls (and women too) against us! +For they look upon it as right that every lover should be _a little +maddish_; and, every attempt to rescue him from the thraldom imposed by +their charms, they look upon as an overt act of treason against their +natural sovereignty. No girl ever liked a young man less for his having +done things foolish and wild and ridiculous, provided she was _sure_ +that love of her had been the cause: let her but be satisfied upon this +score, and there are very few things which she will not forgive. And, +though wholly unconscious of the fact, she is a great and sound +philosopher after all. For, from the nature of things, the rearing of a +family always has been, is, and must ever be, attended with cares and +troubles, which must infallibly produce, at times, feelings to be +combated and overcome by nothing short of that ardent affection which +first brought the parties together. So that, talk as long as Parson +MALTHUS likes about 'moral _restraint_;' and report as long as the +Committees of Parliament please about preventing '_premature_ and +_improvident_ marriages' amongst the labouring classes, the passion that +they would _restrain_, while it is necessary to the existence of +mankind, is the greatest of all the compensations for the inevitable +cares, troubles, hardships, and sorrows of life; and, as to the +_marriages_, if they could once be rendered universally _provident_, +every generous sentiment would quickly be banished from the world. + +85. The other description of lovers, with whom it is useless to reason, +are those who love according to the _rules of arithmetic_, or who +measure their matrimonial expectations by the _chain of the +land-surveyor_. These are not love and marriage; they are bargain and +sale. Young men will naturally, and almost necessarily, fix their choice +on young women in their own rank in life; because from habit and +intercourse they will know them best. But, if the length of the girl's +purse, present or contingent, be a consideration with the man, or the +length of his purse, present or contingent, be a consideration with her, +it is an affair of bargain and sale. I know that kings, princes, and +princesses are, in respect of marriage, restrained by the law: I know +that nobles, if not thus restrained by positive law, are restrained, in +fact, by the very nature of their order. And here is a disadvantage +which, as far as real enjoyment of life is concerned, more than +counterbalances all the advantages that they possess over the rest of +the community. This disadvantage, generally speaking, pursues rank and +riches downwards, till you approach very nearly to that numerous class +who live by manual labour, becoming, however, less and less as you +descend. You generally find even very vulgar rich men making a sacrifice +of their natural and rational taste to their mean and ridiculous pride, +and thereby providing for themselves an ample supply of misery for life. +By preferring '_provident_ marriages' to marriages of love, they think +to secure themselves against all the evils of poverty; but, _if poverty +come_, and come it may, and frequently does, in spite of the best laid +plans, and best modes of conduct; _if poverty come_, then where is the +counterbalance for that ardent mutual affection, which troubles, and +losses, and crosses always increase rather than diminish, and which, +amidst all the calamities that can befall a man, whispers to his heart, +that his best possession is still left him unimpaired? The +WORCESTERSHIRE BARONET, who has had to endure the sneers of fools on +account of his marriage with a beautiful and virtuous servant maid, +would, were the present ruinous measures of the Government to drive him +from his mansion to a cottage, still have a source of happiness; while +many of those, who might fall in company with him, would, in addition to +all their other troubles, have, perhaps, to endure the reproaches of +wives to whom poverty, or even humble life, would be insupportable. + +86. If marrying for the sake of money be, under any circumstances, +despicable, if not disgraceful; if it be, generally speaking, a species +of legal prostitution, only a little less shameful than that which, +under some governments, is openly licensed for the sake of a tax; if +this be the case generally, what ought to be said of a young man, who, +in the heyday of youth, should couple himself on to a libidinous woman, +old enough, perhaps, to be his grandmother, ugly as the nightmare, +offensive alike to the sight and the smell, and who should pretend to +_love_ her too: and all this merely for the sake of her money? Why, it +ought, and it, doubtless, would be said of him, that his conduct was a +libel on both man and womankind; that his name ought, for ever, to be +synonymous with baseness and nastiness, and that in no age and in no +nation, not marked by a general depravity of manners, and total absence +of all sense of shame, every associate, male or female, of such a man, +or of his filthy mate, would be held in abhorrence. Public morality +would drive such a hateful pair from society, and strict justice would +hunt them from the face of the earth. + +87. BUONAPARTE could not be said to marry for _money_, but his motive +was little better. It was for dominion, for power, for ambition, and +that, too, of the most contemptible kind. I knew an American Gentleman, +with whom BUONAPARTE had always been a great favourite; but the moment +the news arrived of his divorce and second marriage, he gave him up. +This piece of grand prostitution was too much to be defended. And the +truth is, that BUONAPARTE might have dated his decline from the day of +that marriage. My American friend said, 'If I had been he, I would, in +the first place, have married the poorest and prettiest girl in all +France.' If he had done this, he would, in all probability, have now +been on an imperial throne, instead of being eaten by worms at the +bottom of a very deep hole in Saint Helena; whence, however, his bones +convey to the world the moral, that to marry for money, for ambition, or +from any motive other than the one pointed out by affection, is not the +road to glory, to happiness, or to peace. + +88. Let me now turn from these two descriptions of lovers, with whom it +is useless to reason, and address myself to you, my reader, whom I +suppose to be a _real_ lover, but not so smitten as to be bereft of your +reason. You should never forget, that marriage, which is a state that +every young person ought to have in view, is a thing to last _for life_; +and that, generally speaking, it is to make life _happy_, or +_miserable_; for, though a man may bring his mind to something nearly a +state of _indifference_, even _that_ is misery, except with those who +can hardly be reckoned amongst sensitive beings. Marriage brings +numerous _cares_, which are amply compensated by the more numerous +delights which are their companions. But to have the delights, as well +as the cares, the choice of the partner must be fortunate. I say +_fortunate_; for, after all, love, real love, impassioned affection, is +an ingredient so absolutely necessary, that no _perfect_ reliance can +be placed on the judgment. Yet, the judgment may do something; reason +may have some influence; and, therefore, I here offer you my advice with +regard to the exercise of that reason. + +89. The things which you ought to desire in a wife are, 1. Chastity; 2. +sobriety; 3. industry; 4. frugality; 5. cleanliness; 6. knowledge of +domestic affairs; 7. good temper; 8. beauty. + +90. CHASTITY, perfect modesty, in word, deed, and even thought, is so +essential, that, without it, no female is fit to be a wife. It is not +enough that a young woman abstain from everything approaching towards +indecorum in her behaviour towards men; it is, with me, not enough that +she cast down her eyes, or turn aside her head with a smile, when she +hears an indelicate allusion: she ought to appear _not to understand_ +it, and to receive from it no more impression than if she were a post. A +loose woman is a disagreeable _acquaintance_: what must she be, then, as +a _wife_? Love is so blind, and vanity is so busy in persuading us that +our own qualities will be sufficient to ensure fidelity, that we are +very apt to think nothing, or, at any rate, very little, of trifling +symptoms of levity; but if such symptoms show themselves _now_, we may +be well assured, that we shall never possess the power of effecting a +cure. If _prudery_ mean _false_ modesty, it is to be despised; but if it +mean modesty pushed to the utmost extent, I confess that I like it. Your +'_free and hearty_' girls I have liked very well to talk and laugh with; +but never, for one moment, did it enter into my mind that I could have +endured a 'free and hearty' girl for a wife. The thing is, I repeat, to +_last for life_; it is to be a counterbalance for troubles and +misfortunes; and it must, therefore, be perfect, or it had better not be +at all. To say that one _despises_ jealousy is foolish; it is a thing to +be lamented; but the very elements of it ought to be avoided. Gross +indeed is the beast, for he is unworthy of the name of man; nasty indeed +is the wretch, who can even entertain the thought of putting himself +between a pair of sheets with a wife of whose infidelity he possesses +the proof; but, in such cases, a man ought to be very slow to believe +appearances; and he ought not to decide against his wife but upon the +clearest proof. The last, and, indeed, the only effectual safeguard is, +to _begin_ well; to make a good choice; to let the beginning be such as +to render infidelity and jealousy next to impossible. If you begin in +grossness; if you couple yourself on to one with whom you have taken +liberties, infidelity is the natural and _just_ consequence. When a +_Peer of the realm_, who had not been over-fortunate in his matrimonial +affairs, was urging MAJOR CARTWRIGHT to seek for nothing more than +'_moderate_ reform,' the Major (forgetting the domestic circumstances of +his Lordship) asked him how he should relish '_moderate_ chastity' in a +wife! The bare use of the two words, thus coupled together, is +sufficient to excite disgust. Yet with this '_moderate_ chastity' you +must be, and ought to be, content, if you have entered into marriage +with one, in whom you have ever discovered the slightest approach +towards lewdness, either in deeds, words, or looks. To marry has been +your own act; you have made the contract for your own gratification; you +knew the character of the other party; and the children, if any, or the +community, are not to be the sufferers for your gross and corrupt +passion. '_Moderate_ chastity' is all that you have, in fact, contracted +for: you have it, and you have no reason to complain. When I come to +address myself to the _husband_, I shall have to say more upon this +subject, which I dismiss for the present with observing, that my +observation has convinced me, that, when families are rendered unhappy +from the existence of '_moderate_ chastity,' the fault, first or last, +has been in the man, ninety-nine times out of every hundred. + +91. SOBRIETY. By _sobriety_ I do not mean merely an absence of _drinking +to a state of intoxication_; for, if that be _hateful_ in a man, what +must it be in a woman! There is a Latin proverb, which says, that wine, +that is to say, intoxication, _brings forth truth_. Whatever it may do +in this way, in men, in women it is sure, unless prevented by age or by +salutary ugliness, to produce a moderate, and a _very moderate_, portion +of chastity. There never was a drunken woman, a woman who loved strong +drink, who was chaste, if the opportunity of being the contrary +presented itself to her. There are cases where _health_ requires wine, +and even small portions of more ardent liquor; but (reserving what I +have further to say on this point, till I come to the conduct of the +husband) _young_ unmarried women can seldom stand in need of these +stimulants; and, at any rate, only in cases of well-known definite +ailments. Wine! '_only_ a _glass or two_ of wine at dinner, or so'! As +soon as have married a girl whom I had thought liable to be persuaded to +drink, habitually, '_only_ a glass or two of wine at dinner, or so;' as +soon as have _married_ such a girl, I would have taken a strumpet from +the streets. And it has not required _age_ to give me this way of +thinking: it has always been rooted in my mind from the moment that I +began to think the girls prettier than posts. There are few things so +disgusting as a guzzling woman. A gormandizing one is bad enough; but, +one who tips off the liquor with an appetite, and exclaims '_good! +good!_' by a smack of her lips, is fit for nothing but a brothel. There +may be cases, amongst the _hard_-labouring women, such as _reapers_, for +instance, especially when they have children at the breast; there may be +cases, where very _hard-working_ women may stand in need of a little +_good_ beer; beer, which, if taken in immoderate quantities, would +produce intoxication. But, while I only allow the _possibility_ of the +existence of such cases, I deny the necessity of any strong drink at all +in every other case. Yet, in this metropolis, it is the general custom +for tradesmen, journeymen, and even labourers, to have regularly on +their tables the big brewers' poison, twice in every day, and at the +rate of not less than a pot to a person, women, as well as men, as the +allowance for the day. A pot of poison a day, at fivepence the pot, +amounts to _seven pounds and two shillings_ in the year! Man and wife +suck down, in this way, _fourteen pounds four shillings_ a year! Is it +any wonder that they are clad in rags, that they are skin and bone, and +that their children are covered with filth? + +92. But by the word SOBRIETY, in a young woman, I mean a great deal more +than even a rigid abstinence from that love of _drink_, which I am not +to suppose, and which I do not believe, to exist any thing like +generally amongst the young women of this country. I mean a great deal +more than this; I mean _sobriety of conduct_. The word _sober_, and its +derivatives, do not confine themselves to matters of _drink_: they +express _steadiness, seriousness, carefulness, scrupulous propriety of +conduct_; and they are thus used amongst country people in many parts of +England. When a Somersetshire fellow makes too free with a girl, she +reproves him with, 'Come! be _sober_!' And when we wish a team, or any +thing, to be moved on _steadily_ and with _great care_, we cry out to +the carter, or other operator, '_Soberly, soberly_.' Now, this species +of sobriety is a great qualification in the person you mean to make your +wife. Skipping, capering, romping, rattling girls are very amusing where +all costs and other consequences are out of the question; and they _may_ +become _sober_ in the Somersetshire sense of the word. But while you +have _no certainty_ of this, you have a presumptive argument on the +other side. To be sure, when girls are _mere children_, they are to play +and romp like children. But, when they arrive at that age which turns +their thoughts towards that sort of connexion which is to be theirs for +life; when they begin to think of having the command of a house, however +small or poor, it is time for them to cast away the levity of the child. +It is natural, nor is it very wrong, that I know of, for children to +like to gad about and to see all sorts of strange sights, though I do +not approve of this even in children: but, if I could not have found a +_young woman_ (and I am sure I never should have married an _old_ one) +who I was not _sure_ possessed _all_ the qualities expressed by the word +sobriety, I should have remained a bachelor to the end of that life, +which, in that case, would, I am satisfied, have terminated without my +having performed a thousandth part of those labours which have been, and +are, in spite of all political prejudice, the wonder of all who have +seen, or heard of, them. Scores of gentlemen have, at different times, +expressed to me their surprise, that I was '_always in spirits_;' that +nothing _pulled me down_; and the truth is, that, throughout nearly +forty years of troubles, losses, and crosses, assailed all the while by +more numerous and powerful enemies than ever man had before to contend +with, and performing, at the same time, labours greater than man ever +before performed; all those labours requiring mental exertion, and some +of them mental exertion of the highest order; the truth is, that, +throughout the whole of this long time of troubles and of labours, I +have never known a single hour of _real anxiety_; the troubles have been +no troubles to me; I have not known what _lowness of spirits_ meaned; +have been more gay, and felt less care, than any bachelor that ever +lived. 'You are _always in spirits_, Cobbett!' To be sure; for why +should I not? _Poverty_ I have always set at defiance, and I could, +therefore, defy the temptations of riches; and, as to _home_ and +_children_, I had taken care to provide myself with an inexhaustible +store of that '_sobriety_,' which I am so strongly recommending my +reader to provide himself with; or, if he cannot do that, to deliberate +long before he ventures on the life-enduring matrimonial voyage. This +sobriety is a title to _trust-worthiness_; and _this_, young man, is the +treasure that you ought to prize far above all others. Miserable is the +husband, who, when he crosses the threshold of his house, carries with +him doubts and fears and suspicions. I do not mean suspicions of the +_fidelity_ of his wife, but of her care, frugality, attention to his +interests, and to the health and morals of his children. Miserable is +the man, who cannot leave _all unlocked_, and who is not _sure_, quite +certain, that all is as safe as if grasped in his own hand. He is the +happy husband, who can go away, at a moment's warning, leaving his house +and his family with as little anxiety as he quits an inn, not more +fearing to find, on his return, any thing wrong, than he would fear a +discontinuance of the rising and setting of the sun, and if, as in my +case, leaving books and papers all lying about at sixes and sevens, +finding them arranged in proper order, and the room, during the lucky +interval, freed from the effects of his and his ploughman's or +gardener's dirty shoes. Such a man has no _real cares_; such a man has +_no troubles_; and this is the sort of life that I have led. I have had +all the numerous and indescribable delights of home and children, and, +at the same time, all the bachelor's freedom from domestic cares: and to +this cause, far more than to any other, my readers owe those labours, +which I never could have performed, if even the slightest degree of want +of confidence at home had ever once entered into my mind. + +93. But, in order to possess this precious _trust-worthiness_, you must, +if you can, exercise your _reason_ in the choice of your partner. If she +be vain of her person, very fond of dress, fond of _flattery_, at all +given to gadding about, fond of what are called _parties of pleasure_, +or coquetish, though in the least degree; if either of these, she never +will be trust-worthy; worthy; she cannot change her nature; and if you +marry her, you will be _unjust_ if you expect trust-worthiness at her +hands. But, besides this, even if you find in her that innate +'_sobriety_' of which I have been speaking, there requires on your part, +and that at once too, confidence and trust without any limit. Confidence +is, in this case, nothing unless it be reciprocal. To have a trust-worthy +wife, you must begin by showing her, even before you are married, that +you have no suspicions, no fears, no doubts, with regard to her. Many a +man has been discarded by a virtuous girl, merely on account of his +querulous conduct. All women despise jealous men; and, if they marry +such their motive is other than that of affection. Therefore, _begin_ by +proofs of unlimited confidence; and, as _example_ may serve to assist +precept, and as I never have preached that which I have not practised, I +will give you the history of my own conduct in this respect. + +94. When I first saw my wife, she was _thirteen years old_, and I was +within about a month of _twenty-one_. She was the daughter of a Serjeant +of artillery, and I was the Serjeant-Major of a regiment of foot, both +stationed in forts near the city of St. John, in the Province of +New-Brunswick. I sat in the same room with her, for about an hour, in +company with others, and I made up my mind that she was the very girl +for me. That I thought her beautiful is certain, for that I had always +said should be an indispensable qualification; but I saw in her what I +deemed marks of that sobriety of _conduct_ of which I have said so much, +and which has been by far the greatest blessing of my life. It was now +dead of winter, and, of course, the snow several feet deep on the +ground, and the weather piercing cold. It was my habit, when I had done +my morning's writing, to go out at break of day to take a walk on a hill +at the foot of which our barracks lay. In about three mornings after I +had first seen her, I had, by an invitation to breakfast with me, got up +two young men to join me in my walk; and our road lay by the house of +her father and mother. It was hardly light, but she was out on the snow, +scrubbing out a washing-tub. 'That's the girl for me,' said I, when we +had got out of her hearing. One of these young men came to England soon +afterwards; and he, who keeps an inn in Yorkshire, came over to Preston, +at the time of the election, to verify whether I were the same man. When +he found that I was, he appeared surprised; but what was his surprise, +when I told him that those tall young men, whom he saw around me, were +the _sons_ of that pretty little girl that he and I saw scrubbing out +the washing-tub on the snow in New-Brunswick at day-break in the +morning! + +95. From the day that I first spoke to her, I never had a thought of her +ever being the wife of any other man, more than I had a thought of her +being transformed into a chest of drawers; and I formed my resolution at +once, to marry her as soon as we could get permission, and to get out of +the army as soon as I could. So that this matter was, at once, settled +as firmly as if written in the book of fate. At the end of about six +months, my regiment, and I along with it, were removed to FREDERICKTON, +a distance of a _hundred miles_, up the river of ST. JOHN; and, which +was worse, the artillery were expected to go off to England a year or +two before our regiment! The artillery went, and she along with them; +and now it was that I acted a part becoming a real and sensible lover. I +was aware, that, when she got to that gay place WOOLWICH, the house of +her father and mother, necessarily visited by numerous persons not the +most select, might become unpleasant to her, and I did not like, +besides, that she should continue to _work hard_. I had saved a _hundred +and fifty guineas_, the earnings of my early hours, in writing for the +paymaster, the quartermaster, and others, in addition to the savings of +my own pay. _I sent her all my money_, before she sailed; and wrote to +her to beg of her, if she found her home uncomfortable, to hire a +lodging with respectable people: and, at any rate, not to spare the +money, by any means, but to buy herself good clothes, and to live +without hard work, until I arrived in England; and I, in order to induce +her to lay out the money, told her that I should get plenty more before +I came home. + +96. As the malignity of the devil would have it, we were kept abroad +_two years longer_ than our time, Mr. PITT (England not being so tame +then as she is now) having knocked up a dust with Spain about Nootka +Sound. Oh, how I cursed Nootka Sound, and poor bawling Pitt too, I am +afraid! At the end _of four years_, however, home I came; landed at +Portsmouth, and got my discharge from the army by the great kindness of +poor LORD EDWARD FITZGERALD, who was then the Major of my regiment. I +found my little girl _a servant of all work_ (and hard work it was), at +_five pounds a year_, in the house of a CAPTAIN BRISAC; and, without +hardly saying a word about the matter, she put into my hands _the whole +of my hundred and fifty guineas unbroken_! + +97. Need I tell the reader what my feelings were? Need I tell +kind-hearted English parents what effect this anecdote _must_ have +produced on the minds of our children? Need I attempt to describe what +effect this example ought to have on every young woman who shall do me +the honour to read this book? Admiration of her conduct, and +self-gratulation on this indubitable proof of the soundness of my own +judgment, were now added to my love of her beautiful person. + +98. Now, I do not say that there are not many young women of this +country who would, under similar circumstances, have acted as my wife +did in this case; on the contrary, I hope, and do sincerely believe, +that there are. But when _her age_ is considered; when we reflect, that +she was living in a place crowded, literally _crowded_, with +gaily-dressed and handsome young men, many of whom really far richer and +in higher rank than I was, and scores of them ready to offer her their +hand; when we reflect that she was living amongst young women who put +upon their backs every shilling that they could come at; when we see her +keeping the bag of gold untouched, and working hard to provide herself +with but mere necessary apparel, and doing this while she was passing +from _fourteen to eighteen years of age_; when we view the whole of the +circumstances, we must say that here is an example, which, while it +reflects honour on her sex, ought to have weight with every young woman +whose eyes or ears this relation shall reach. + +99. If any young man imagine, that this great _sobriety of conduct_ in +young women must be accompanied with seriousness approaching to _gloom_, +he is, according to my experience and observation, very much deceived. +The _contrary_ is the fact; for I have found that as, amongst men, your +jovial companions are, except over the bottle, the dullest and most +insipid of souls; so amongst women, the gay, rattling, and laughing, +are, unless some party of pleasure, or something out of domestic life, +is going on, generally in the dumps and blue-devils. Some _stimulus_ is +always craved after by this description of women; some sight to be seen, +something to see or hear other than what is to be found _at home_, +which, as it affords no incitement, nothing '_to raise and keep up the +spirits_', is looked upon merely as a place _to be at_ for want of a +better; merely a place for eating and drinking, and the like; merely a +biding place, whence to sally in search of enjoyments. A greater curse +than a wife of this description, it would be somewhat difficult to find; +and, in your character of Lover, you are to provide against it. I hate a +dull, melancholy, moping thing: I could not have existed in the same +house with such a thing for a single month. The mopers are, too, all +giggle at other times: the gaiety is for others, and the moping for the +husband, to comfort him, happy man, when he is alone: plenty of smiles +and of badinage for others, and for him to participate with others; but +the moping is reserved exclusively for him. One hour she is capering +about, as if rehearsing a jig; and, the next, sighing to the motion of a +lazy needle, or weeping over a novel and this is called _sentiment_! +Music, indeed! Give me a mother singing to her clean and fat and rosy +baby, and making the house ring with her extravagant and hyperbolical +encomiums on it. That is the music which is '_the food of love_;' and +not the formal, pedantic noises, an affectation of skill in which is +now-a-days the ruin of half the young couples in the middle rank of +life. Let any man observe, as I so frequently have, with delight, the +excessive fondness of the labouring people for their children. Let him +observe with what pride they dress them out on a Sunday, with means +deducted from their own scanty meals. Let him observe the husband, who +has toiled all the week like a horse, nursing the baby, while the wife +is preparing the bit of dinner. Let him observe them both abstaining +from a sufficiency, lest the children should feel the pinchings of +hunger. Let him observe, in short, the whole of their demeanour, the +real mutual affection, evinced, not in words, but in unequivocal deeds. +Let him observe these things, and, having then cast a look at the lives +of the great and wealthy, he will say, with me, that, when a man is +choosing his partner for life, the dread of poverty ought to be cast to +the winds. A labourer's cottage, on a Sunday; the husband or wife having +a baby in arms, looking at two or three older ones playing between the +flower-borders going from the wicket to the door, is, according to my +taste, the most interesting object that eyes ever beheld; and, it is an +object to be beheld in no country upon earth but England. In France, a +labourer's cottage means _a shed_ with a _dung-heap_ before the door; +and it means much about the same in America, where it is wholly +inexcusable. In riding once, about five years ago, from Petworth to +Horsham, on a Sunday in the afternoon, I came to a solitary cottage +which stood at about twenty yards distance from the road. There was the +wife with the baby in her arms, the husband teaching another child to +walk, while _four_ more were at play before them. I stopped and looked +at them for some time, and then, turning my horse, rode up to the +wicket, getting into talk by asking the distance to Horsham. I found +that the man worked chiefly in the woods, and that he was doing pretty +well. The wife was then only _twenty-two_, and the man only +_twenty-five_. She was a pretty woman, even for _Sussex_, which, not +excepting Lancashire, contains the prettiest women in England. He was a +very fine and stout young man. 'Why,' said I, 'how many children do you +reckon to have at last?' 'I do not care how many,' said the man: 'God +never sends mouths without sending meat.' 'Did you ever hear,' said I, +'of one PARSON MALTHUS?' 'No, sir.' 'Why, if he were to hear of your +works, he would be outrageous; for he wants an act of parliament to +prevent poor people from marrying young, and from having such lots of +children.' 'Oh! the brute!' exclaimed the wife; while the husband +laughed, thinking that I was joking. I asked the man whether he had ever +had _relief from the parish_; and upon his answering in the negative, I +took out my purse, took from it enough to bait my horse at Horsham, and +to clear my turnpikes to WORTH, whither I was going in order to stay +awhile, and gave him all the rest. Now, is it not a shame, is it not a +sin of all sins, that people like these should, by acts of the +government, be reduced to such misery as to be induced to abandon their +homes and their country, to seek, in a foreign land, the means of +preventing themselves and their children from starving? And this has +been, and now is, actually the case with many such families in this same +county of Sussex! + +100. An _ardent-minded_ young man (who, by-the-by, will, as I am afraid, +have been wearied by this rambling digression) may fear, that this great +_sobriety of conduct_ in a young woman, for which I have been so +strenuously contending, argues a want of that _warmth_, which he +naturally so much desires; and, if my observation and experience +warranted the entertaining of this fear, I should say, had I to live my +life over again, give me the _warmth_, and I will stand my chance as to +the rest. But, this observation and this experience tell me the +contrary; they tell me that _levity_ is, ninety-nine times out of a +hundred, the companion of _a want of ardent feeling_. Prostitutes never +_love_, and, for the far greater part, never did. Their passion, which +is more _mere animal_ than any thing else, is easily gratified; they, +like rakes, change not only without pain, but with pleasure; that is to +say, pleasure as great as they can enjoy. Women of _light minds_ have +seldom any _ardent_ passion; love is a mere name, unless confined to one +object; and young women, in whom levity of conduct is observable, will +not be thus restricted. I do not, however, recommend a young man to be +_too severe_ in judging, where the conduct does not go beyond _mere +levity_, and is not bordering on _loose_ conduct; for something depends +here upon constitution and animal spirits, and something also upon the +manners of the country. That levity, which, in a French girl, I should +not have thought a great deal of, would have frightened me away from an +English or an American girl. When I was in France, just after I was +married, there happened to be amongst our acquaintance a gay, sprightly +girl, of about seventeen. I was remonstrating with her, one day, on the +facility with which she seemed to shift her smiles from object to +object; and she, stretching one arm out in an upward direction, the +other in a downward direction, raising herself upon one foot, leaning +her body on one side, and thus throwing herself into _flying_ attitude, +answered my grave lecture by singing, in a very sweet voice +(significantly bowing her head and smiling at the same time), the +following lines from the _vaudeville_, in the play of Figaro: + + Si l'amour a des _ailles_; + N'est ce pas pour _voltiger_? + +That is, if love has _wings_, is it not _to flutter about_ with? The +wit, argument, and manner, all together, silenced me. She, after I left +France, married a very worthy man, has had a large family, and has been, +and is, a most excellent wife and mother. But that which does sometimes +well in France, does not do here at all. Our manners are more grave: +steadiness is the rule, and levity the exception. Love may _voltige_ in +France; but, in England, it cannot, with safety to the lover: and it is +a truth which, I believe, no man of attentive observation will deny, +that, as, in general, English wives are _more warm_ in their conjugal +attachments than those of France, so, with regard to individuals, that +those English women who are the _most light_ in their manners, and who +are the _least constant_ in their attachments, have the smallest portion +of that _warmth_, that indescribable passion which God has given to +human beings as the great counterbalance to all the sorrows and +sufferings of life. + +101. INDUSTRY. By _industry_, I do not mean merely _laboriousness_, +merely labour or activity of body, for purposes of gain or of saving; +for there may be industry amongst those who have more money than they +know well what to do with: and there may be _lazy ladies_, as well as +lazy farmers' and tradesmen's wives. There is no state of life in which +_industry_ in the wife is not necessary to the happiness and prosperity +of the family, at the head of the household affairs of which she is +placed. If she be lazy, there will be lazy servants, and, which is a +great deal worse, children habitually lazy: every thing, however +necessary to be done, will be put off to the last moment: then it will +be done badly, and, in many cases, not at all: the dinner will be _too +late_; the journey or the visit will be tardy; inconveniencies of all +sorts will be continually arising: there will always be a heavy _arrear_ +of things unperformed; and this, even amongst the most wealthy of all, +is a great curse; for, if they have no _business_ imposed upon them by +necessity, they _make business_ for themselves; life would be unbearable +without it: and therefore a lazy woman must always be a curse, be her +rank or station what it may. + +102. But, _who is to tell_ whether a girl will make an industrious +woman? How is the purblind lover especially, to be able to ascertain +whether she, whose smiles and dimples and bewitching lips have half +bereft him of his senses; how is he to be able to judge, from any thing +that he can see, whether the beloved object will be industrious or lazy? +Why, it is very difficult: it is a matter that reason has very little to +do with; but there are, nevertheless, certain outward and visible signs, +from which a man, not wholly deprived of the use of his reason, may form +a pretty accurate judgment as to this matter. It was a story in +Philadelphia, some years ago, that a young man, who was courting one of +three sisters, happened to be on a visit to her, when all the three were +present, and when one said to the others, 'I _wonder_ where _our_ needle +is.' Upon which he withdrew, as soon as was consistent with the rules of +politeness, resolved never to think more of a girl who possessed a +needle only in partnership, and who, it appeared, was not too well +informed as to the place where even that share was deposited. + +103. This was, to be sure, a very flagrant instance of a want of +industry; for, if the third part of the use of a needle satisfied her +when single, it was reasonable to anticipate that marriage would banish +that useful implement altogether. But such instances are seldom suffered +to come in contact with the eyes and ears of the lover, to disguise all +defects from whom is the great business, not only of the girl herself, +but of her whole family. There are, however, certain _outward signs_, +which, if attended to with care, will serve as pretty sure guides. And, +first, if you find the _tongue_ lazy, you may be nearly certain that the +hands and feet are the same. By laziness of the tongue I do not mean +_silence_; I do not mean an _absence of talk_, for that is, in most +cases, very good; but, I mean, a _slow_ and _soft utterance_; a sort of +_sighing out_ of the words instead of _speaking_ them; a sort of letting +the sounds fall out, as if the party were _sick at stomach_. The +pronunciation of an industrious person is generally _quick_, _distinct_, +and the voice, if not strong, _firm_ at the least. Not masculine; as +feminine as possible; not a _croak_ nor a _bawl_, but a quick, distinct, +and sound voice. Nothing is much more disgusting than what the sensible +country people call a _maw-mouthed_ woman. A maw-mouthed man is bad +enough: he is sure to be a lazy fellow: but, a woman of this +description, in addition to her laziness, soon becomes the most +disgusting of mates. In this whole world nothing is much more hateful +than a female's under jaw, lazily moving up and down, and letting out a +long string of half-articulate sounds. It is impossible for any man, who +has any spirit in him, to love such a woman for any length of time. + +104. Look a little, also, at the labours of the _teeth_, for these +correspond with those of the other members of the body, and with the +operations of the mind. 'Quick at _meals_, quick at _work_,' is a saying +as old as the hills, in this, the most industrious nation upon earth; +and never was there a truer saying. But fashion comes in here, and +decides that you shall not be quick at meals; that you shall sit and be +carrying on the affair of eating for an hour, or more. Good God! what +have I not suffered on this account! However, though she must _sit_ as +long as the rest, and though she must join in the _performance_ (for it +is a real performance) unto the end of the last scene, she cannot make +her _teeth_ abandon their character. She may, and must, suffer the slice +to linger on the plate, and must make the supply slow, in order to fill +up the time; but when she _does_ bite, she cannot well disguise what +nature has taught her to do; and you may be assured, that if her jaws +move in slow time, and if she rather _squeeze_ than bite the food; if +she so deal with it as to leave you in doubt as to whether she mean +finally to admit or reject it; if she deal with it thus, set her down as +being, in her very nature, incorrigibly lazy. Never mind the pieces of +needle-work, the tambouring, the maps of the world made by her needle. +Get to see her at work upon a mutton chop, or a bit of bread and cheese; +and, if she deal quickly with these, you have a pretty good security for +that activity, that _stirring_ industry, without which a wife is a +burden instead of being a help. And, as to _love_, it cannot live for +more than a month or two (in the breast of a man of spirit) towards a +lazy woman. + +105. Another mark of industry is, a _quick step_, and a somewhat _heavy +tread_, showing that the foot comes down with a _hearty good will_; and +if the body lean a little forward, and the eyes keep steadily in the +same direction, while the feet are going, so much the better, for these +discover _earnestness_ to arrive at the intended point. I do not like, +and I never liked, your _sauntering_, soft-stepping girls, who move as +if they were perfectly indifferent as to the result; and, as to the +_love_ part of the story, whoever expects ardent and lasting affection +from one of these sauntering girls, will, when too late, find his +mistake: the character runs the same all the way through; and no man +ever yet saw a sauntering girl, who did not, when married, make a +_mawkish_ wife, and a cold-hearted mother; cared very little for either +by husband or children; and, of course, having no store of those +blessings which are the natural resources to apply to in sickness and in +old age. + +106. _Early-rising_ is another mark of industry; and though, in the +higher situations of life, it may be of no importance in a mere +pecuniary point of view, it is, even there, of importance in other +respects; for it is, I should imagine, pretty difficult to keep love +alive towards a woman who _never sees the dew_, never beholds the +_rising sun_, and who constantly comes directly from a reeking bed to +the breakfast table, and there chews about, without appetite, the +choicest morsels of human food. A man might, perhaps, endure this for a +month or two, without being disgusted; but that is ample allowance of +time. And, as to people in the middle rank of life, where a living and a +provision for children is to be sought by labour of some sort or other, +late rising in the wife is _certain ruin_; and, never was there yet an +early-rising wife, who had been a late-rising girl. If brought up to +late rising, she will like it; it will be her _habit_; she will, when +married, never want excuses for indulging in the habit; at first she +will be indulged without bounds; to make a _change_ afterwards will be +difficult; it will be deemed a _wrong_ done to her; she will ascribe it +to diminished affection; a quarrel must ensue, or, the husband must +submit to be ruined, or, at the very least, to see half the fruit of his +labour snored and lounged away. And, is this being _rigid_? Is it being +_harsh_; is it being _hard_ upon women? Is it the offspring of the +frigid severity of age? It is none of these: it arises from an ardent +desire to promote the happiness, and to add to the natural, legitimate, +and salutary influence, of the female sex. The tendency of this advice +is to promote the preservation of their health; to prolong the duration +of their beauty; to cause them to be beloved to the last day of their +lives; and to give them, during the whole of those lives, weight and +consequence, of which laziness would render them wholly unworthy. + +107. FRUGALITY. This means the contrary of _extravagance_. It does not +mean _stinginess_; it does not mean a pinching of the belly, nor a +stripping of the back; but it means an abstaining from all _unnecessary_ +expenditure, and all _unnecessary_ use, of goods of any and of every +sort; and a quality of great importance it is, whether the rank in life +be high or low. Some people are, indeed, so rich, they have such an +overabundance of money and goods, that how to get rid of them would, to +a looker-on, seem to be their only difficulty. But while the +inconvenience of even these immense masses is not too great to be +overcome by a really extravagant woman, who jumps with joy at a basket +of strawberries at a guinea an ounce, and who would not give a straw for +green peas later in the year than January; while such a dame would +lighten the bags of a loan-monger, or shorten the rent-roll of +half-a-dozen peerages amalgamated into one possession, she would, with +very little study and application of her talent, send a nobleman of +ordinary estate to the poor-house or the pension list, which last may be +justly regarded as the poor-book of the aristocracy. How many noblemen +and gentlemen, of fine estates, have been ruined and degraded by the +extravagance of their wives! More frequently by their _own_ +extravagance, perhaps; but, in numerous instances, by that of those +whose duty it is to assist in upholding their stations by husbanding +their fortunes. + +108. If this be the case amongst the opulent, who have estates to draw +upon, what must be the consequences of a want of frugality in the middle +and lower ranks of life? Here it must be fatal, and especially amongst +that description of persons whose wives have, in many cases, the +_receiving_ as well as the expending of money. In such a case, there +wants nothing but extravagance in the wife to make ruin as sure as the +arrival of old age. To obtain _security_ against this is very difficult; +yet, if the lover be not _quite blind_, he may easily discover a +propensity towards extravagance. The object of his addresses will, nine +times out of ten, not be the manager of a house; but she must have her +_dress_, and other little matters under her control. If she be _costly_ +in these; if, in these, she step above her rank, or even to the top of +it; if she purchase all she is _able_ to purchase, and prefer the showy +to the useful, the gay and the fragile to the less sightly and more +durable, he may be sure that the disposition will cling to her through +life. If he perceive in her a taste for costly food, costly furniture, +costly amusements; if he find her love of gratification to be bounded +only by her want of means; if he find her full of admiration of the +trappings of the rich, and of desire to be able to imitate them, he may +be pretty sure that she will not spare his purse, when once she gets her +hand into it; and, therefore, if he can bid adieu to her charms, the +sooner he does it the better. + +109. The outward and visible and vulgar signs of extravagance are +_rings_, _broaches_, _bracelets_, _buckles_, _necklaces_, _diamonds_ +(real or mock), and, in short, all the _hard-ware_ which women put upon +their persons. These things may be proper enough in _palaces_, or in +scenes resembling palaces; but, when they make their appearance amongst +people in the middle rank of life, where, after all, they only serve to +show that poverty in the parties which they wish to disguise; when the +nasty, mean, tawdry things make their appearance in this rank of life, +they are the sure indications of a disposition that will _always be +straining at what it can never attain_. To marry a girl of this +disposition is really self-destruction. You never can have either +property or peace. Earn her a horse to ride, she will want a gig: earn +the gig, she will want a chariot: get her that, she will long for a +coach and four: and, from stage to stage, she will torment you to the +end of her or your days; for, still there will be somebody with a finer +equipage than you can give her; and, as long as this is the case, you +will never have rest. Reason would tell her, that she could never be at +the _top_; that she must stop at some point short of that; and that, +therefore, all expenses in the rivalship are so much thrown away. But, +_reason_ and broaches and bracelets do not go in company: the girl who +has not the sense to perceive that her person is disfigured, and not +beautified, by parcels of brass and tin (for they are generally little +better) and other hard-ware, stuck about her body; the girl that is so +foolish as not to perceive, that, when silks and cottons and cambrics, +in their neatest form, have done their best, nothing more is to be done; +the girl that cannot perceive this is too great a fool to be trusted +with the purse of any man. + +110. CLEANLINESS. This is a capital ingredient; for there never yet was, +and there never will be, love of long duration, sincere and ardent love, +in any man, towards a '_filthy mate_.' I mean any man _in England_, or +in those parts of _America_ where the people have descended from the +English. I do not say, that there are not men enough, even in England, +to live _peaceably_ and even contentedly, with dirty, sluttish women; +for, there are some who seem to like the filth well enough. But what I +contend for is this: that there never can exist, for any length of time, +_ardent affection_ in any man towards a woman who is filthy either in +her person, or in her house affairs. Men may be careless as to their own +persons; they may, from the nature of their business, or from their want +of time to adhere to neatness in dress, be slovenly in their own dress +and habits; but, they do not relish this in their wives, who must still +have _charms_; and charms and filth do not go together. + +111. It is not _dress_ that the husband wants to be perpetual: it is not +_finery_; but _cleanliness_ in every thing. The French women dress +enough, especially when they _sally forth_. My excellent neighbour, Mr. +JOHN TREDWELL, of Long Island, used to say, that the French were 'pigs +in the parlour, and peacocks on the promenade;' an alliteration which +'CANNING'S SELF' might have envied! This _occasional_ cleanliness is not +the thing that an English or an American husband wants: he wants it +always; indoors as well as out; by night as well as by day; on the floor +as well as on the table; and, however he may grumble about the '_fuss_' +and the '_expense_' of it, he would grumble more if he had it not. I +once saw a picture representing the _amusements_ of Portuguese Lovers; +that is to say, three or four young men, dressed in gold or silver laced +clothes, each having a young girl, dressed like a princess, and +affectionately engaged in hunting down and _killing the vermin in his +head_! This was, perhaps, an _exaggeration_; but that it should have had +the shadow of foundation, was enough to fill me with contempt for the +whole nation. + +112. The _signs_ of cleanliness are, in the first place, a clean _skin_. +An English girl will hardly let her lover see the stale dirt between her +fingers, as I have many times seen it between those of French women, and +even ladies, of all ages. An English girl will have her _face_ clean, to +be sure, if there be soap and water within her reach; but, get a glance, +just a glance, at her _poll_, if you have any doubt upon the subject; +and, if you find there, or _behind the ears_, what the Yorkshire people +call _grime_, the sooner you cease your visits the better. I hope, now, +that no young woman will be offended at this, and think me too severe on +her sex. I am only saying, I am only telling the women, that which _all +men think_; and, it is a decided advantage to them to be fully informed +of _our thoughts_ on the subject. If any one, who shall read this, find, +upon self-examination, that she is defective in this respect, there is +plenty of time for correcting the defect. + +113. In the _dress_ you can, amongst rich people, find little whereon to +form a judgment as to cleanliness, because they have not only the dress +prepared for them, but _put upon them_ into the bargain. But, in the +middle rank of life, the dress is a good criterion in two respects: +first, as to its _colour_; for, if the _white_ be a sort of _yellow_, +cleanly hands would have been at work to prevent that. A _white-yellow_ +cravat, or shirt, on a man, speaks, at once, the character of his wife; +and, be you assured, that she will not take with your dress pains which +she has never taken with her own. Then, the manner _of putting on_ the +dress is no bad foundation for judging. If it be careless, slovenly, if +it do not fit properly, no matter for its _mean quality_: mean as it may +be, it may be neatly and trimly put on; and, if it be not, take care of +yourself; for, as you will soon find to your cost, a sloven in one thing +is a sloven in all things. The country-people judge greatly from the +state of the covering of the _ancles_ and, if that be not clean and +tight, they conclude, that all out of sight is not what it ought to be. +Look at the _shoes_! If they be trodden on one side, loose on the foot, +or run down at the heel, it is a very bad sign; and, as to _slip-shod_, +though at coming down in the morning and even before day-light, make up +your mind to a rope, rather than to live with a slip-shod wife. + +114. Oh! how much do women lose by inattention to these matters! Men, in +general, say nothing about it to their wives; but they _think_ about it; +they envy their luckier neighbours; and in numerous cases, consequences +the most serious arise from this apparently trifling cause. Beauty is +valuable; it is one of the ties, and a strong tie too; that, however, +cannot last to old age; but, the charm of cleanliness never ends but +with life itself. I dismiss this part of my subject with a quotation +from my 'YEAR'S RESIDENCE IN AMERICA,' containing words which I venture +to recommend to every young woman to engrave on her heart: 'The sweetest +flowers, when they become putrid, stink the most; and a nasty woman is +the nastiest thing in nature.' + +115. KNOWLEDGE OF DOMESTIC AFFAIRS. Without more or less of this +knowledge, _a lady_, even the wife of a peer, is but a poorish thing. It +was the fashion, in former times, for ladies to understand a great deal +about these affairs, and it would be very hard to make me believe that +this did not tend to promote the interests and honour of their husbands. +The affairs of a great family never can be _well_ managed, if left +_wholly_ to hirelings; and there are many parts of these affairs in +which it would be unseemly for the husband to meddle. Surely, no lady +can be too high in rank to make it proper for her to be well acquainted +with the characters and general demeanour of all the _female servants_. +To receive and give them characters is too much to be left to a servant, +however good, and of service however long. Much of the ease and +happiness of the great and rich must depend on the character of those by +whom they are served: they live under the same roof with them; they are +frequently the children of their tenants, or poorer neighbours; the +conduct of their whole lives must be influenced by the examples and +precepts which they here imbibe; and when ladies consider how much more +weight there must be in one word from them than in ten thousand words +from a person who, call her what you like, is still a _fellow-servant_, +it does appear strange that they should forego the performance of this +at once important and pleasing part of their duty. It was from the +mansions of noblemen and gentlemen, and not from boarding-schools, that +farmers and tradesmen formerly took their wives; and though these days +are gone, with little chance of returning, there is still something left +for ladies to do in checking that torrent of immorality which is now +crowding the streets with prostitutes and cramming the jails with +thieves. + +116. I am, however, addressing myself, in this work, to persons in the +middle rank of life; and here a _knowledge of domestic affairs_ is so +necessary in every wife, that the lover ought to have it continually in +his eye. Not only a _knowledge_ of these affairs; not only to know how +things _ought to be done_, but how _to do them_; not only to know what +ingredients ought to be put into a pie or a pudding, but to be able _to +make_ the pie or the pudding. Young people, when they come together, +ought not, unless they have fortunes, or are in a great way of business, +to think about _servants_! Servants for what! To help them to eat and +drink and sleep? When children come, there must be some _help_ in a +farmer's or tradesman's house; but until then, what call for a servant +in a house, the master of which has to _earn_ every mouthful that is +consumed? + +117. I shall, when I come to address myself to the husband, have much +more to say upon this subject of _keeping servants_; but, what the +lover, if he be not quite blind, has to look to, is, that his intended +wife know _how to do_ the work of a house, unless he have fortune +sufficient to keep her like a lady. 'Eating and drinking,' as I observe +in COTTAGE ECONOMY, came _three times every day_; they must come; and, +however little we may, in the days of our health and vigour, care about +choice food and about cookery, we very soon get _tired_ of heavy or +burnt bread and of spoiled joints of meat: we bear them for a time, or +for two, perhaps; but, about the third time, we lament _inwardly_; about +the fifth time, it must be an extraordinary honey-moon that will keep us +from complaining: if the like continue for a month or two, we begin to +_repent_, and then adieu to all our anticipated delights. We discover, +when it is too late, that we have not got a help-mate, but a burden; +and, the fire of love being damped, the unfortunately educated creature, +whose parents are more to blame than she is, is, unless she resolve to +learn her duty, doomed to lead a life very nearly approaching to that of +misery; for, however considerate the husband, he never can esteem her as +he would have done, had she been skilled and able in domestic affairs. + +118. The mere _manual_ performance of domestic labours is not, indeed, +absolutely necessary in the female head of the family of professional +men, such as lawyers, doctors, and parsons; but, even here, and also in +the case of great merchants and of gentlemen living on their fortunes, +surely the head of the household ought to be able to give directions as +to the purchasing of meat, salting meat, making bread, making preserves +of all sorts, and ought to see the things done, or that they be done. +She ought to take care that food be well cooked, drink properly prepared +and kept; that there be always a sufficient supply; that there be good +living without waste; and that, in her department, nothing shall be seen +inconsistent with the rank, station, and character of her husband, who, +if he have a skilful and industrious wife, will, unless he be of a +singularly foolish turn, gladly leave all these things to her absolute +dominion, controlled only by the extent of the whole expenditure, of +which he must be the best, and, indeed, the sole, judge. + +119. But, in a farmer's or a tradesman's family, the _manual +performance_ is absolutely necessary, whether there be servants or not. +No one knows how to teach another so well as one who has done, and can +do, the thing himself. It was said of a famous French commander, that, +in attacking an enemy, he did not say to his men '_go_ on,' but '_come_ +on;' and, whoever have well observed the movements of servants, must +know what a prodigious difference there is in the effect of the words, +_go_ and _come_. A very good rule would be, to have nothing to eat, in a +farmer's or tradesman's house, that the mistress did not know how to +prepare and to cook; no pudding, tart, pie or cake, that she did not +know how to make. Never fear the toil to her: exercise is good for +health; and without _health_ there is _no beauty_; a sick beauty may +excite pity, but pity is a short-lived passion. Besides, what is the +labour in such a case? And how many thousands of ladies, who loll away +the day, would give half their fortunes for that sound sleep which the +stirring house-wife seldom fails to enjoy. + +120. Yet, if a young farmer or tradesman _marry_ a girl, who has been +brought up to _play music_, to what is called _draw_, to _sing_, to +waste paper, pen and ink, in writing long and half romantic letters, and +to see shows, and plays, and read novels; if a young man do _marry_ such +an unfortunate young creature, let him bear the consequences with +temper; let him be _just_; and justice will teach him to treat her with +great indulgence; to endeavour to cause her to learn her business as a +wife; to be patient with her; to reflect that he has taken her, being +apprised of her inability; to bear in mind, that he was, or seemed to +be, pleased with her showy and useless acquirements; and that, when the +gratification of his passion has been accomplished, he is unjust and +cruel and unmanly, if he turn round upon her, and accuse her of a want +of that knowledge, which he well knew that she did not possess. + +121. For my part, I do not know, nor can I form an idea of, a more +unfortunate being than a girl with a mere boarding-school education, and +without a fortune to enable her to keep a servant, when married. Of what +_use_ are her accomplishments? Of what use her music, her drawing, and +her romantic epistles? If she be good in _her nature_, the first little +faint cry of her first baby drives all the tunes and all the landscapes +and all the Clarissa Harlowes out of her head for ever. I once saw a +very striking instance of this sort. It was a climb-over-the-wall match, +and I gave the bride away, at St. Margaret's Church, Westminster, the +pair being as handsome a pair as ever I saw in my life. Beauty, however, +though in double quantity, would not pay the baker and butcher; and, +after an absence of little better than a year, I found the husband in +prison for debt; but I there found also his wife, with her baby, and +she, who had never, before her marriage, known what it was to get water +to wash her own hands, and whose talk was all about music, and the like, +was now the cheerful sustainer of her husband, and the most affectionate +of mothers. All the _music_ and all the _drawing_, and all the plays and +romances were gone to the winds! The husband and baby had fairly +supplanted them; and even this prison-scene was a blessing, as it gave +her, at this early stage, an opportunity of proving her devotion to her +husband, who, though I have not seen him for about fifteen years, he +being in a part of America which I could not reach when last there, has, +I am sure, amply repaid her for that devotion. They have now a numerous +family (not less than twelve children, I believe), and she is, I am +told, a most excellent and able mistress of a respectable house. + +122. But, this is a rare instance: the husband, like his countrymen in +general, was at once brave, humane, gentle, and considerate, and the +love was so sincere and ardent, on both sides, that it made losses and +sufferings appear as nothing. When I, in a sort of half-whisper, asked +Mrs. DICKENS where her _piano_ was, she smiled, and turned her face +towards her baby, that was sitting on her knee; as much as to say, 'This +little fellow has beaten the piano;' and, if what I am now writing +should ever have the honour to be read by her, let it be the bearer of a +renewed expression of my admiration of her conduct, and of that regard +for her kind and sensible husband, which time and distance have not in +the least diminished, and which will be an inmate of my heart until it +shall cease to beat. + +123. The like of this is, however, not to be expected: no man ought to +think that he has even a chance of it: besides, the husband was, in this +case, a man of learning and of great natural ability: he has not had to +get his bread by farming or trade; and, in all probability, his wife has +had the leisure to practise those acquirements which she possessed at +the time of her marriage. But, can this be the case with the farmer or +the tradesman's wife? She has to _help to earn_ a provision for her +children; or, at the least, to help to earn a store for sickness or old +age. She, therefore, ought to be qualified to begin, at once, to assist +her husband in his earnings: the way in which she can most efficiently +assist, is by taking care of his property; by expending his money to the +greatest advantage; by wasting nothing; by making the table sufficiently +abundant with the least expense. And how is she to do these things, +unless she have been _brought up_ to understand domestic affairs? How is +she to do these things, if she have been taught to think these matters +beneath her study? How is any man to expect her to do these things, if +she have been so bred up as to make her habitually look upon them as +worthy the attention of none but low and _ignorant_ women? + +124. _Ignorant_, indeed! Ignorance consists in a want of knowledge of +those things which your calling or state of life naturally supposes you +to understand. A ploughman is not an _ignorant man_ because he does not +know how to read: if he knows how to plough, he is not to be called an +ignorant man; but, a wife may be justly called an ignorant woman, if she +does not know how to provide a dinner for her husband. It is cold +comfort for a hungry man, to tell him how delightfully his wife plays +and sings: lovers may live on very aërial diet; but husbands stand in +need of the solids; and young women may take my word for it, that a +constantly clean board, well cooked victuals, a house in order, and a +cheerful fire, will do more in preserving a husband's heart, than all +the '_accomplishments_,' taught in all the '_establishments_' in the +world. + +125. GOOD TEMPER. This is a very difficult thing to ascertain +beforehand. Smiles are so cheap; they are so easily put on for the +occasion; and, besides, the frowns are, according to the lover's whim, +interpreted into the contrary. By '_good temper_,' I do not mean _easy +temper_, a serenity which nothing disturbs, for that is a mark of +laziness. _Sulkiness_, if you be not too blind to perceive it, is a +temper to be avoided by all means. A sulky man is bad enough; what, +then, must be a sulky woman, and that woman _a wife_; a constant inmate, +a companion day and night! Only think of the delight of sitting at the +same table, and sleeping in the same bed, for a week, and not exchange a +word all the while! Very bad to be scolding for such a length of time; +but this is far better than the sulks. If you have your eyes, and look +sharp, you will discover symptoms of this, if it unhappily exist. She +will, at some time or other, show it towards some one or other of the +family; or, perhaps, towards yourself; and you may be quite sure that, +in this respect, marriage will not mend her. Sulkiness arises from +capricious displeasure, displeasure not founded in reason. The party +takes offence unjustifiably; is unable to frame a complaint, and +therefore expresses displeasure by silence. The remedy for sulkiness is, +to suffer it to take its _full swing_; but it is better not to have the +disease in your house; and to be _married to it_ is little short of +madness. + +126. _Querulousness_ is a great fault. No man, and, especially, no +_woman_, likes to hear eternal plaintiveness. That she complain, and +roundly complain, of your want of punctuality, of your coolness, of your +neglect, of your liking the company of others: these are all very well, +more especially as they are frequently but too just. But an everlasting +complaining, without rhyme or reason, is a bad sign. It shows want of +patience, and, indeed, want of sense. But, the contrary of this, a _cold +indifference_, is still worse. 'When will you come again? You can never +find time to come here. You like any company better than mine.' These, +when groundless, are very teasing, and demonstrate a disposition too +full of anxiousness; but, from a girl who always receives you with the +same _civil_ smile, lets you, at your own good pleasure, depart with the +same; and who, when you take her by the hand, holds her cold fingers as +straight as sticks, I say (or should if I were young), God, in his +mercy, preserve me! + +127. _Pertinacity_ is a very bad thing in anybody, and especially in a +young woman; and it is sure to increase in force with the age of the +party. To have the last word is a poor triumph; but with some people it +is a species of disease of the mind. In a wife it must be extremely +troublesome; and, if you find an ounce of it in the maid, it will become +a pound in the wife. An eternal _disputer_ is a most disagreeable +companion; and where young women thrust their _say_ into conversations +carried on by older persons, give their opinions in a positive manner, +and court a contest of the tongue, those must be very bold men who will +encounter them as wives. + +128. Still, of all the faults as to _temper_, your _melancholy_ ladies +have the worst, unless you have the same mental disease. Most wives are, +at times, _misery-makers_; but these carry it on as a regular trade. +They are always unhappy about _something_, either past, present, or to +come. Both arms full of children is a pretty efficient remedy in most +cases; but, if the ingredients be wanting, a little _want_, a little +_real trouble_, a little _genuine affliction_ must, if you would effect +a cure, be resorted to. But, this is very painful to a man of any +feeling; and, therefore, the best way is to avoid a connexion, which is +to give you a life of wailing and sighs. + +129. BEAUTY. Though I have reserved this to the last of the things to be +desired in a wife, I by no means think it the last in point of +importance. The less favoured part of the sex say, that 'beauty is but +_skin-deep_;' and this is very true; but, it is very _agreeable_, +though, for all that. Pictures are only paint-deep, or pencil-deep; but +we admire them, nevertheless. "Handsome is that handsome _does_," used +to say to me an old man, who had marked me out for his not over handsome +daughter. 'Please your _eye_ and plague your heart' is an adage that +want of beauty invented, I dare say, more than a thousand years ago. +These adages would say, if they had but the courage, that beauty is +inconsistent with chastity, with sobriety of conduct, and with all the +female virtues. The argument is, that beauty exposes the possessor _to +greater temptation_ than women not beautiful are exposed to; and that, +_therefore_, their fall is more probable. Let us see a little how this +matter stands. + +130. It is certainly true, that pretty girls will have more, and more +ardent, admirers than ugly ones; but, as to the _temptation_ when in +their unmarried state, there are few so very ugly as to be exposed to no +_temptation_ at all; and, which is the most likely to resist; she who +has a choice of lovers, or she who if she let the occasion slip may +never have it again? Which of the two is most likely to set a high value +upon her reputation, she whom all beholders admire, or she who is +admired, at best, by mere chance? And as to women in the married state, +this argument assumes, that, when they fall, it is from their own +vicious disposition; when the fact is, that, if you search the annals of +conjugal infidelity, you will find, that, nine times out of ten, the +_fault is in the husband_. It is his neglect, his flagrant disregard, +his frosty indifference, his foul example; it is to these that, nine +times out of ten, he owes the infidelity of his wife; and, if I were to +say ninety-nine times out of a hundred, the facts, if verified, would, I +am certain, bear me out. And whence this neglect, this disregard, this +frosty indifference; whence this foul example? Because it is easy, in so +many cases, to find some woman more beautiful than the wife. This is no +_justification_ for the husband to plead; for he has, with his eyes +open, made a solemn contract: if he have not beauty enough to please +him, he should have sought it in some other woman: if, as is frequently +the case, he have preferred rank or money to beauty, he is an +unprincipled man, if he do any thing to make her unhappy who has brought +him the rank or the money. At any rate, as conjugal infidelity is, in so +many cases; as it is _generally_ caused by the want of affection and due +attention in the husband, it follows, of course, that it must more +frequently happen in the case of ugly than in that of handsome women. + +131. In point of _dress_, nothing need be said to convince any +reasonable man, that beautiful women will be less expensive in this +respect than women of a contrary description. Experience teaches us, +that ugly women are always the most studious about their dress; and, if +we had never observed upon the subject, _reason_ would tell us, that it +must be so. Few women are handsome without knowing it; and if they know +that their features naturally attract admiration, will they desire to +draw it off, and to fix it on lace and silks and jewels? + +132. As to _manners_ and _temper_ there are certainly some handsome +women who are conceited and arrogant; but, as they have all the best +reasons in the world for being pleased with themselves, they afford you +the best chance of general good humour; and this good humour is a very +valuable commodity in the married state. Some that are called handsome, +and that are such at the first glance, are dull, inanimate things, that +might as well have been made of wax, or of wood. But, the truth is, that +this is _not beauty_, for this is not to be found _only_ in the _form_ +of the features, but in the movements of them also. Besides, here nature +is very impartial; for she gives animation promiscuously to the handsome +as well as to the ugly; and the want of this in the former is surely as +bearable as in the latter. + +133. But, the great use of female beauty, the great practical advantage +of it is, that it naturally and unavoidably tends to _keep the husband +in good humour with himself_, to make him, to use the dealer's phrase, +_pleased with his bargain_. When old age approaches, and the parties +have become endeared to each other by a long series of joint cares and +interests, and when children have come and bound them together by the +strongest ties that nature has in store; at this age the features and +the person are of less consequence; but, in the _young days_ of +matrimony, when the roving eye of the bachelor is scarcely become steady +in the head of the husband, it is dangerous for him to see, every time +he stirs out, a face more captivating than that of the person to whom he +is bound for life. Beauty is, in some degree, a matter of _taste_: what +one man admires, another does not; and it is fortunate for us that it is +thus. But still there are certain things that all men admire; and a +husband is always pleased when he perceives that a portion, at least, of +these things are in his own possession: he takes this possession as a +_compliment to himself_: there must, he will think the world will +believe, have been _some merit in him_, some charm, seen or unseen, to +have caused him to be blessed with the acquisition. + +134. And then there arise so many things, sickness, misfortune in +business, losses, many many things, wholly unexpected; and, there are so +many circumstances, perfectly _nameless_, to communicate to the +new-married man the fact, that it is not a real _angel_ of whom he has +got the possession; there are so many things of this sort, so many and +such powerful dampers of the passions, and so many incentives to _cool +reflection_; that it requires something, and a good deal too, to keep +the husband in countenance in this his altered and enlightened state. +The passion of women does not cool so soon: the lamp of their love burns +more steadily, and even brightens as it burns: and, there is, the young +man may be assured, a vast difference in the effect of the fondness of a +pretty woman and that of one of a different description; and, let reason +and philosophy say what they will, a man will come down stairs of a +morning better pleased after seeing the former, than he would after +seeing the latter, in her _night-cap_. + +135. To be sure, when a man has, from whatever inducement, once married +a woman, he is unjust and cruel if he even _slight_ her on account of +her want of beauty, and, if he treat her harshly, on this account, he is +a brute. But, it requires a greater degree of reflection and +consideration than falls to the lot of men in general to make them act +with justice in such a case; and, therefore, the best way is to guard, +if you can, against the temptation to commit such injustice, which is to +be done in no other way, than by not marrying any one that you _do not +think handsome_. + +136. I must not conclude this address to THE LOVER without something on +the subject of _seduction_ and _inconstancy_. In, perhaps, nineteen +cases out of twenty, there is, in the unfortunate cases of illicit +gratification, no seduction at all, the passion, the absence of virtue, +and the crime, being all mutual. But, there are other cases of a very +different description; and where a man goes coolly and deliberately to +work, first to gain and rivet the affections of a young girl, then to +take advantage of those affections to accomplish that which he knows +must be her ruin, and plunge her into misery for life; when a man does +this merely for the sake of a momentary gratification, he must be either +a selfish and unfeeling brute, unworthy of the name of man, or he must +have a heart little inferior, in point of obduracy, to that of the +murderer. Let young women, however, be aware; let them be well aware, +that few, indeed, are the cases in which this apology can possibly avail +them. Their character is not solely theirs, but belongs, in part, to +their family and kindred. They may, in the case contemplated, be objects +of compassion with the world; but what contrition, what repentance, what +remorse, what that even the tenderest benevolence can suggest, is to +heal the wounded hearts of humbled, disgraced, but still affectionate, +parents, brethren and sisters? + +137. As to _constancy_ in Lovers, though I do not approve of the saying, +'At lovers' lies Jove laughs;' yet, when people are young, one object +may supplant another in their affections, not only without criminality +in the party experiencing the change, but without blame; and it is +honest, and even humane, to act upon the change; because it would be +both foolish and cruel to marry one girl while you liked another better: +and the same holds good with regard to the other sex. Even when +_marriage_ has been _promised_, and that, too, in the most solemn +manner, it is better for both parties to break off, than to be coupled +together with the reluctant assent of either; and I have always thought, +that actions for damages, on this score, if brought by the girl, show a +want of delicacy as well as of spirit; and, if brought by the man, +excessive meanness. Some damage may, indeed, have been done to the +complaining party; but no damage equal to what that party would have +sustained from a marriage, to which the other party would have yielded +by a sort of compulsion, producing to almost a certainty what Hogarth, +in his _Marriage à la Mode_, most aptly typifies by two curs, of +different sexes, fastened together by what sportsmen call _couples_, +pulling different ways, and snarling and barking and foaming like +furies. + +138. But when promises have been made to a young woman; when they have +been relied on for any considerable time; when it is manifest that her +peace and happiness, and, perhaps, her life, depend upon their +fulfilment; when things have been carried to this length, the change in +the Lover ought to be announced in the manner most likely to make the +disappointment as supportable as the case will admit of; for, though it +is better to break the promise than to marry one while you like another +better; though it is better for both parties, you have no right to break +the heart of her who has, and that, too, with your accordance, and, +indeed, at your instigation, or, at least, by your encouragement, +confided it to your fidelity. You cannot help your change of affections; +but you can help making the transfer in such a way as to cause the +destruction, or even probable destruction, nay, if it were but the deep +misery, of her, to gain whose heart you had pledged your own. You ought +to proceed by slow degrees; you ought to call time to your aid in +executing the painful task; you ought scrupulously to avoid every thing +calculated to aggravate the sufferings of the disconsolate party. + +139. A striking, a monstrous, instance of conduct the contrary of this +has recently been placed upon the melancholy records of the Coroner of +Middlesex; which have informed an indignant public, that a young man, +having first secured the affections of a virtuous young woman, next +promised her marriage, then caused the banns to be published, and then, +on the very day appointed for the performance of the ceremony, married +another woman, in the same church; and this, too, without, as he avowed, +any provocation, and without the smallest intimation or hint of his +intention to the disappointed party, who, unable to support existence +under a blow so cruel, put an end to that existence by the most deadly +and the swiftest poison. If any thing could wipe from our country the +stain of having given birth to a monster so barbarous as this, it would +be the abhorrence of him which the jury expressed; and which, from every +tongue, he ought to hear to the last moment of his life. + +140. Nor has a man any right to _sport_ with the affections of a young +woman, though he stop short of _positive promises_. Vanity is generally +the tempter in this case; a desire to be regarded as being admired by +the women: a very despicable species of vanity, but frequently greatly +mischievous, notwithstanding. You do not, indeed, actually, in so many +words, promise to marry; but the general tenor of your language and +deportment has that meaning; you know that your meaning is so +understood; and if you have not such meaning; if you be fixed by some +previous engagement with, or greater liking for, another; if you know +you are here sowing the seeds of disappointment; and if you, keeping +your previous engagement or greater liking a secret, persevere, in spite +of the admonitions of conscience, you are guilty of deliberate +deception, injustice and cruelty: you make to God an ungrateful return +for those endowments which have enabled you to achieve this inglorious +and unmanly triumph; and if, as is frequently the case, you _glory_ in +such triumph, you may have person, riches, talents to excite envy; but +every just and humane man will abhor your heart. + +141. There are, however, certain cases in which you deceive, or nearly +deceive, _yourself_; cases in which you are, by degrees and by +circumstances, deluded into something very nearly resembling sincere +love for a second object, the first still, however, maintaining her +ground in your heart; cases in which you are not actuated by vanity, in +which you are not guilty of injustice and cruelty; but cases in which +you, nevertheless, _do wrong_: and as I once did a wrong of this sort +myself, I will here give a history of it, as a warning to every young +man who shall read this little book; that being the best and, indeed, +the only atonement, that I can make, or ever could have made, for this +only _serious sin_ that I ever committed against the female sex. + +142. The Province of New Brunswick, in North America, in which I passed +my years from the age of eighteen to that of twenty-six, consists, in +general, of heaps of rocks, in the interstices of which grow the pine, +the spruce, and various sorts of fir trees, or, where the woods have +been burnt down, the bushes of the raspberry or those of the +huckleberry. The province is cut asunder lengthwise, by a great river, +called the St. John, about two hundred miles in length, and, at half way +from the mouth, full a mile wide. Into this main river run innumerable +smaller rivers, there called CREEKS. On the sides of these creeks the +land is, in places, clear of rocks; it is, in these places, generally +good and productive; the trees that grow here are the birch, the maple, +and others of the deciduous class; natural meadows here and there +present themselves; and some of these spots far surpass in rural beauty +any other that my eyes ever beheld; the creeks, abounding towards their +sources in water-falls of endless variety, as well in form as in +magnitude, and always teeming with fish, while water-fowl enliven their +surface, and while wild-pigeons, of the gayest plumage, flutter, in +thousands upon thousands, amongst the branches of the beautiful trees, +which, sometimes, for miles together, form an arch over the creeks. + +143. I, in one of my rambles in the woods, in which I took great +delight, came to a spot at a very short distance from the source of one +of these creeks. Here was every thing to delight the eye, and especially +of one like me, who seem to have been born to love rural life, and trees +and plants of all sorts. Here were about two hundred acres of natural +meadow, interspersed with patches of maple-trees in various forms and of +various extent; the creek (there about thirty miles from its point of +joining the St. John) ran down the middle of the spot, which formed a +sort of dish, the high and rocky hills rising all round it, except at +the outlet of the creek, and these hills crowned with lofty pines: in +the hills were the sources of the creek, the waters of which came down +in cascades, for any one of which many a nobleman in England would, if +he could transfer it, give a good slice of his fertile estate; and in +the creek, at the foot of the cascades, there were, in the season, +salmon the finest in the world, and so abundant, and so easily taken, as +to be used for manuring the land. + +144. If nature, in her very best humour, had made a spot for the express +purpose of captivating me, she could not have exceeded the efforts which +she had here made. But I found something here besides these rude works +of nature; I found something in the fashioning of which _man_ had had +something to do. I found a large and well-built log dwelling house, +standing (in the month of September) on the edge of a very good field of +Indian Corn, by the side of which there was a piece of buck-wheat just +then mowed. I found a homestead, and some very pretty cows. I found all +the things by which an easy and happy farmer is surrounded: and I found +still something besides all these; something that was destined to give +me a great deal of pleasure and also a great deal of pain, both in their +extreme degree; and both of which, in spite of the lapse of forty years, +now make an attempt to rush back into my heart. + +145. Partly from misinformation, and partly from miscalculation, I had +lost my way; and, quite alone, but armed with my sword and a brace of +pistols, to defend myself against the bears, I arrived at the log-house +in the middle of a moonlight night, the hoar frost covering the trees +and the grass. A stout and clamorous dog, kept off by the gleaming of my +sword, waked the master of the house, who got up, received me with great +hospitality, got me something to eat, and put me into a feather-bed, a +thing that I had been a stranger to for some years. I, being very tired, +had tried to pass the night in the woods, between the trunks of two +large trees, which had fallen side by side, and within a yard of each +other. I had made a nest for myself of dry fern, and had made a covering +by laying boughs of spruce across the trunks of the trees. But unable to +sleep on account of the cold; becoming sick from the great quantity of +water that I had drank during the heat of the day, and being, moreover, +alarmed at the noise of the bears, and lest one of them should find me +in a defenceless state, I had roused myself up, and had crept along as +well as I could. So that no hero of eastern romance ever experienced a +more enchanting change. + +146. I had got into the house of one of those YANKEE LOYALISTS, who, at +the close of the revolutionary war (which, until it had succeeded, was +called a rebellion) had accepted of grants of land in the King's +Province of New Brunswick; and who, to the great honour of England, had +been furnished with all the means of making new and comfortable +settlements. I was suffered to sleep till breakfast time, when I found a +table, the like of which I have since seen so many in the United States, +loaded with good things. The master and the mistress of the house, aged +about fifty, were like what an English farmer and his wife were half a +century ago. There were two sons, tall and stout, who appeared to have +come in from work, and the youngest of whom was about my age, then +twenty-three. But there was _another member_ of the family, aged +nineteen, who (dressed according to the neat and simple fashion of New +England, whence she had come with her parents five or six years before) +had her long light-brown hair twisted nicely up, and fastened on the top +of her head, in which head were a pair of lively blue eyes, associated +with features of which that softness and that sweetness, so +characteristic of American girls, were the predominant expressions, the +whole being set off by a complexion indicative of glowing health, and +forming, figure, movements, and all taken together, an assemblage of +beauties, far surpassing any that I had ever seen but _once_ in my life. +That _once_ was, too, _two years agone_; and, in such a case and at such +an age, two years, two whole years, is a long, long while! It was a +space as long as the eleventh part of my then life! Here was the +_present_ against the _absent_: here was the power of the _eyes_ pitted +against that of the _memory_: here were all the senses up in arms to +subdue the influence of the thoughts: here was vanity, here was passion, +here was the spot of all spots in the world, and here were also the +life, and the manners and the habits and the pursuits that I delighted +in: here was every thing that imagination can conceive, united in a +conspiracy against the poor little brunette in England! What, then, did +I fall in love at once with this bouquet of lilies and roses? Oh! by no +means. I was, however, so enchanted with _the place_; I so much enjoyed +its tranquillity, the shade of the maple trees, the business of the +farm, the sports of the water and of the woods, that I stayed at it to +the last possible minute, promising, at my departure, to come again as +often as I possibly could; a promise which I most punctually fulfilled. + +147. Winter is the great season for jaunting and _dancing_ (called +_frolicking_) in America. In this Province the river and the creeks were +the only _roads_ from settlement to settlement. In summer we travelled +in _canoes_; in winter in _sleighs_ on the ice or snow. During more than +two years I spent all the time I could with my Yankee friends: they were +all fond of me: I talked to them about country affairs, my evident +delight in which they took as a compliment to themselves: the father and +mother treated me as one of their children; the sons as a brother; and +the daughter, who was as modest and as full of sensibility as she was +beautiful, in a way to which a chap much less sanguine than I was would +have given the tenderest interpretation; which treatment I, especially +in the last-mentioned case, most cordially repaid. + +148. It is when you meet in company with others of your own age that you +are, in love matters, put, most frequently, to the test, and exposed to +detection. The next door neighbour might, in that country, be ten miles +off. We used to have a frolic, sometimes at one house and sometimes at +another. Here, where female eyes are very much on the alert, no secret +can long be kept; and very soon father, mother, brothers and the whole +neighbourhood looked upon the thing as certain, not excepting herself, +to whom I, however, had never once even talked of marriage, and had +never even told her that I _loved_ her. But I had a thousand times done +these by _implication_, taking into view the interpretation that she +would naturally put upon my looks, appellations and acts; and it was of +this, that I had to accuse myself. Yet I was not a _deceiver_; for my +affection for her was very great: I spent no really pleasant hours but +with her: I was uneasy if she showed the slightest regard for any other +young man: I was unhappy if the smallest matter affected her health or +spirits: I quitted her in dejection, and returned to her with eager +delight: many a time, when I could get leave but for a day, I paddled in +a canoe two whole succeeding nights, in order to pass that day with her. +If this was not love, it was first cousin to it; for as to any +_criminal_ intention I no more thought of it, in her case, than if she +had been my sister. Many times I put to myself the questions: 'What am I +at? Is not this wrong? _Why do I go?_' But still I went. + +149. Then, further in my excuse, my _prior engagement_, though carefully +left unalluded to by both parties, was, in that thin population, and +owing to the singular circumstances of it, and to the great talk that +there always was about me, _perfectly well known_ to her and all her +family. It was matter of so much notoriety and conversation in the +Province, that GENERAL CARLETON (brother of the late Lord Dorchester), +who was the Governor when I was there, when he, about fifteen years +afterwards, did me the honour, on his return to England, to come and see +me at my house in Duke Street, Westminster, asked, before he went away, +to see my _wife_, of whom _he had heard so much_ before her marriage. So +that here was no _deception_ on my part: but still I ought not to have +suffered even the most distant hope to be entertained by a person so +innocent, so amiable, for whom I had so much affection, and to whose +heart I had no right to give a single twinge. I ought, from the very +first, to have prevented the possibility of her ever feeling pain on my +account. I was young, to be sure; but I was old enough to know what was +my duty in this case, and I ought, dismissing my own feelings, to have +had the resolution to perform it. + +150. The _last parting_ came; and now came my just punishment! The time +was known to every body, and was irrevocably fixed; for I had to move +with a regiment, and the embarkation of a regiment is an _epoch_ in a +thinly settled province. To describe this parting would be too painful +even at this distant day, and with this frost of age upon my head. The +kind and virtuous father came forty miles to see me just as I was going +on board in the river. _His_ looks and words I have never forgotten. As +the vessel descended, she passed the mouth of _that creek_ which I had +so often entered with delight; and though England, and all that England +contained, were before me, I lost sight of this creek with an aching +heart. + +151. On what trifles turn the great events in the life of man! If I had +received a _cool_ letter from my intended wife; if I had only heard a +rumour of any thing from which fickleness in her might have been +inferred; if I had found in her any, even the smallest, abatement of +affection; if she had but let go any one of the hundred strings by which +she held my heart: if any of these, never would the world have heard of +me. Young as I was; able as I was as a soldier; proud as I was of the +admiration and commendations of which I was the object; fond as I was, +too, of the command, which, at so early an age, my rare conduct and +great natural talents had given me; sanguine as was my mind, and +brilliant as were my prospects: yet I had seen so much of the +meannesses, the unjust partialities, the insolent pomposity, the +disgusting dissipations of that way of life, that I was weary of it: I +longed, exchanging my fine laced coat for the Yankee farmer's home-spun, +to be where I should never behold the supple crouch of servility, and +never hear the hectoring voice of authority, again; and, on the lonely +banks of this branch-covered creek, which contained (she out of the +question) every thing congenial to my taste and dear to my heart, I, +unapplauded, unfeared, unenvied and uncalumniated, should have lived and +died. + + + + +LETTER IV + +TO A HUSBAND + +152. It is in this capacity that your conduct will have the greatest +effect on your happiness; and a great deal will depend on the manner in +which you _begin_. I am to suppose that you have made a _good choice_; +but a good young woman may be made, by a weak, a harsh, a neglectful, an +extravagant, or a profligate husband, a really bad wife and mother. All +in a wife, beyond her own natural disposition and education is, nine +times out of ten, the work of her husband. + +153. The first thing of all, be the rank in life what it may, is to +convince her of the necessity of _moderation in expense_; and to make +her clearly see the justice of beginning to act upon the presumption, +that there are _children coming_, that they are to be provided for, and +that she is to _assist_ in the making of that provision. Legally +speaking, we have a right to do what we please with our own property, +which, however, is not our own, unless it exceed our debts. And, morally +speaking, we, at the moment of our marriage, contract a debt with the +naturally to be expected fruit of it; and, therefore (reserving further +remarks upon this subject till I come to speak of the education of +children), the scale of expense should, at the beginning, be as low as +that of which a due attention to rank in life will admit. + +154. The great danger of all is, beginning with _servants_, or a +_servant_. Where there are riches, or where the business is so great as +to demand _help_ in the carrying on of the affairs of a house, one or +more female servants must be kept; but, where the work of a house can be +done by one pair of hands, why should there be two; especially as you +cannot have the hands without having the _mouth_, and, which is +frequently not less costly, inconvenient and injurious, the _tongue_? +When children come, there must, at times, be some foreign aid; but, +until then, what need can the wife of a young tradesman, or even farmer +(unless the family be great) have of a servant? The wife is young, and +why is she not to work as well as the husband? What justice is there in +wanting you to keep two women instead of one? You have not married them +both in form; but, if they be inseparable, you have married them in +substance; and if you are free from the crime of bigamy, you have the +far most burthensome part of its consequences. + +155. I am well aware of the unpopularity of this doctrine; well aware of +its hostility to prevalent habits; well aware that almost every +tradesman and every farmer, though with scarcely a shilling to call his +own; and that every clerk, and every such person, begins by keeping a +servant, and that the latter is generally provided before the wife be +installed: I am well aware of all this; but knowing, from long and +attentive observation, that it is the great bane of the marriage life; +the great cause of that penury, and of those numerous and tormenting +embarrassments, amidst which conjugal felicity can seldom long be kept +alive, I give the advice, and state the reasons on which it was founded. + +156. In London, or near it, a maid servant cannot be kept at an expense +so low as that of _thirty pounds a year_; for, besides her wages, board +and lodging, there must be a _fire_ solely for her; or she must sit with +the husband and wife, hear every word that passes between them, and +between them and their friends; which will, of course, greatly add to +the pleasures of their fire-side! To keep her tongue still would be +impossible, and, indeed, unreasonable; and if, as may frequently happen, +she be prettier than the wife, she will know how to give the suitable +interpretation to the looks which, to a next to a certainty, she will +occasionally get from him, whom, as it were in mockery, she calls by the +name of '_master_.' This is almost downright bigamy; but this can never +do; and, therefore, she must have a _fire to herself_. Besides the blaze +of coals, however, there is another sort of _flame_ that she will +inevitably covet. She will by no means be sparing of the coals; but, +well fed and well lodged, as _she_ will be, whatever you may be, she +will naturally sigh for the fire of love, for which she carries in her +bosom a match always ready prepared. In plain language, you have a man +to keep, a part, at least, of every week; and the leg of lamb, which +might have lasted you and your wife for three days, will, by this +gentleman's sighs, be borne away in one. Shut the door against this +intruder; out she goes herself; and, if she go empty-handed, she is no +true Christian, or, at least, will not be looked upon as such by the +charitable friend at whose house she meets the longing soul, dying +partly with love and partly with hunger. + +157. The cost, altogether, is nearer fifty pounds a year than thirty. +How many thousands of tradesmen and clerks, and the like, who might have +passed through life without a single embarrassment, have lived in +continual trouble and fear, and found a premature grave, from this very +cause, and this cause alone! When I, on my return from America, in 1800, +lived a short time in Saint James's Street, following my habit of early +rising, I used to see the servant maids, at almost every house, +dispensing charity at the expense of their masters, long before they, +good men, opened their eyes, who thus did deeds of benevolence, not only +without boasting of them, but without knowing of them. Meat, bread, +cheese, butter, coals, candles; all came with equal freedom from these +liberal hands. I have observed the same, in my early walks and rides, in +every part of this great place and its environs. Where there is _one_ +servant it is worse than where there are _two_ or more; for, happily for +their employers, they do not always agree. So that the oppression is +most heavy on those who are the least able to bear it: and particularly +on _clerk_, and such like people, whose wives seem to think, that, +because the husband's work is of a genteel description, they ought to +live the life of _ladies_. Poor fellows! their work is not hard and +rough, to be sure; but, it is _work_, and work for many hours too, and +painful enough; and as to their income, it scarcely exceeds, on an +average, the double, at any rate, of that of a journeyman carpenter, +bricklayer, or tailor. + +158. Besides, the man and wife will live on cheaper diet and drink than +a servant will live. Thousands, who would never have had beer in their +house, have it for the servant, who will not live without it. However +frugal your wife, her frugality is of little use, if she have one of +these inmates to provide for. Many a hundred thousand times has it +happened that the butcher and the butter-man have been applied to solely +because there was a servant to satisfy. You cannot, with this clog +everlastingly attached to you, be frugal, if you would: you can save +nothing against the days of expense, which are, however, pretty sure to +come. And why should you bring into your house a trouble like this; an +absolute annoyance; a something for your wife to watch, to be a +constraint upon her, to thwart her in her best intentions, to make her +uneasy, and to sour her temper? Why should you do this foolish thing? +Merely to comply with corrupt fashion; merely from false shame, and +false and contemptible pride? If a young man were, on his marriage, to +find any difficulty in setting this ruinous fashion at defiance, a very +good way would be to count down to his wife, at the end of every week, +the amount of the expense of a servant for that week, and request her to +deposit it in her drawer. In a short time she would find the sum so +large, that she would be frightened at the thoughts of a servant; and +would never dream of one again, except in case of absolute necessity, +and then for as short a time as possible. + +159. But the wife may not be _able_ to do all the work to be done in the +house. Not _able_! A young woman not able to cook and wash, and mend and +make, and clean the house and make the bed for one young man and +herself, and that young man her husband too, who is quite willing (if he +be worth a straw) to put up with cold dinner, or with a crust; to get up +and light her fire; to do any thing that the mind can suggest to spare +her labour, and to conduce to her convenience! Not _able_ to do this? +Then, if she brought no fortune, and he had none, she ought not to have +been _able to marry_: and, let me tell you, young man, a _small fortune_ +would not put a servant-keeping wife upon an equality with one who +required no such inmate. + +160. If, indeed, the work of a house were _harder_ than a young woman +could perform without pain, or great fatigue; if it had a tendency to +impair her health or deface her beauty; then you might hesitate: but, it +is not too hard, and it tends to preserve health, to keep the spirits +buoyant, and, of course, to preserve beauty. You often hear girls, while +scrubbing or washing, singing till they are out of breath; but never +while they are at what they call _working_ at the needle. The American +wives are most exemplary in this respect. They have none of that false +pride, which prevents thousands in England from doing that which +interest, reason, and even their own inclination would prompt them to +do. They work, not from necessity; not from compulsion of any sort; for +their husbands are the most indulgent in the whole world. In the towns +they go to the market, and cheerfully carry home the result: in the +country, they not only do the work in the house, but extend their +labours to the garden, plant and weed and hoe, and gather and preserve +the fruits and the herbs; and this, too, in a climate far from being so +favourable to labour as that of England; and they are amply repaid for +these by those gratifications which their excellent economy enables +their husbands to bestow upon them, and which it is their universal +habit to do with a liberal hand. + +161. But did I _practise_ what I am here preaching? Aye, and to the full +extent. Till I had a second child, no servant ever entered my house, +though well able to keep one; and never, in my whole life, did I live in +a house so clean, in such trim order, and never have I eaten or drunk, +or slept or dressed, in a manner so perfectly to my fancy, as I did +then. I had a great deal of business to attend to, that took me a great +part of the day from home; but, whenever I could spare a minute from +business, the child was in my arms; I rendered the mother's labour as +light as I could; any bit of food satisfied me; when watching was +necessary, we shared it between us; and that famous GRAMMAR for teaching +French people English, which has been for thirty years, and still is, +the great work of this kind, throughout all America, and in every nation +in Europe, was written by me, in hours not employed in business, and, in +great part, during my share of the night-watchings over a sick, and then +only child, who, after lingering many months, died in my arms. + +162. This was the way that we went on: this was the way that we _began_ +the married life; and surely, that which we did with pleasure no young +couple, unendowed with fortune, ought to be ashamed to do. But she may +be _ill_; the time may be near at hand, or may have actually arrived, +when she must encounter that particular pain and danger of which _you +have been the happy cause_! Oh! that is quite another matter! And if you +now exceed in care, in watchings over her, in tender attention to all +her wishes, in anxious efforts to quiet her fears; if you exceed in +pains and expense to procure her relief and secure her life; if you, in +any of these, exceed that which I would recommend, you must be romantic +indeed! She deserves them all, and more than all, ten thousand times +told. And now it is that you feel the blessing conferred by her economy. +That heap of money, which might have been squandered on, or by, or in +consequence of, an useless servant, you now have in hand wherewith to +procure an abundance of that skill and that attendance of which she +stands in absolute need; and she, when restored to you in smiling +health, has the just pride to reflect, that she may have owed her life +and your happiness to the effects of her industry. + +163. It is the _beginning_ that is every thing in this important case; +and you will have, perhaps, much to do to convince her, not that what +you recommend is advantageous; not that it is right; but to convince her +that she can do it without sinking below the station that she ought to +maintain. She would cheerfully do it; but there are her _next-door +neighbours_, who do not do it, though, in all other respects, on a par +with her. It is not laziness, but pernicious fashion, that you will have +to combat. But the truth is, that there ought to be _no combat_ at all; +this important matter ought to be settled and fully agreed on +_beforehand_. If she really love you, and have common sense, she will +not hesitate a moment; and if she be deficient in either of these +respects; and if you be so mad in love as to be unable to exist without +her, it is better to cease to exist at once, than to become the toiling +and embarrassed slave of a wasting and pillaging servant. + +164. The next thing to be attended to is, your _demeanor_ towards a +young wife. As to oldish ones, or widows, time and other things have, in +most cases, blunted their feelings, and rendered harsh or stern demeanor +in the husband a matter not of heart-breaking consequence. But with a +young and inexperienced one, the case is very different; and you should +bear in mind, that the first frown that she receives from _you_ is a +dagger to her heart. Nature has so ordered it, that men shall become +less ardent in their passion after the wedding day; and that women shall +not. Their ardour increases rather than the contrary; and they are +surprisingly quick-sighted and inquisitive on this score. When the +_child_ comes, it divides this ardour with the father; but until then +you have it all; and if you have a mind to be happy, repay it with all +your soul. Let what may happen to put you out of humour with others, let +nothing put you out of humour with her. Let your words and looks and +manners be just what they were before you called her wife. + +165. But now, and throughout your life, show your affection for her, and +your admiration of her, not in nonsensical compliment; not in picking up +her handkerchief, or her glove, or in carrying her fan or parasol; not, +if you have the means, in hanging trinkets and baubles upon her; not in +making yourself a fool by winking at, and seeming pleased at, her +foibles, or follies, or faults; but show them by acts of real goodness +towards her; prove by unequivocal deeds the high value that you set on +her health and life and peace of mind; let your praise of her go to the +full extent of her deserts, but let it be consistent with truth and with +sense, and such as to convince her of your sincerity. He who is the +flatterer of his wife only prepares her ears for the hyperbolical stuff +of others. The kindest appellation that her Christian name affords is +the best you can use, especially before faces. An everlasting '_my +dear_' is but a sorry compensation for a want of that sort of love that +makes the husband cheerfully toil by day, break his rest by night, +endure all sorts of hardships, if the life or health of his wife demand +it. Let your deeds, and not your words, carry to her heart a daily and +hourly confirmation of the fact, that you value her health and life and +happiness beyond all other things in the world; and let this be manifest +to her, particularly at those times when life is always more or less in +danger. + +166. I began my young marriage days in and near Philadelphia. At one of +those times to which I have just alluded, in the middle of the burning +hot month of July, I was greatly afraid of fatal consequences to my wife +for want of sleep, she not having, after the great danger was over, had +any sleep for more than forty-eight hours. All great cities, in hot +countries, are, I believe, full of dogs; and they, in the very hot +weather, keep up, during the night, a horrible barking and fighting and +howling. Upon the particular occasion to which I am adverting, they made +a noise so terrible and so unremitted, that it was next to impossible +that even a person in full health and free from pain should obtain a +minute's sleep. I was, about nine in the evening, sitting by the bed: 'I +do think,' said she, 'that I could go to sleep _now_, if it were not +_for the dogs_.' Down stairs I went, and out I sallied, in my shirt and +trowsers, and without shoes and stockings; and, going to a heap of +stones lying beside the road, set to work upon the dogs, going backward +and forward, and keeping them at two or three hundred yards' distance +from the house. I walked thus the whole night, barefooted, lest the +noise of my shoes might possibly reach her ears; and I remember that the +bricks of the causeway were, even in the night, so hot as to be +disagreeable to my feet. My exertions produced the desired effect: a +sleep of several hours was the consequence; and, at eight o'clock in the +morning, off went I to a day's business, which was to end at six in the +evening. + +167. Women are all patriots of the soil; and when her neighbours used to +ask my wife whether _all_ English husbands were like hers, she boldly +answered in the affirmative. I had business to occupy the whole of my +time, Sundays and weekdays, except sleeping hours; but I used to make +time to assist her in the taking care of her baby, and in all sorts of +things: get up, light her fire, boil her tea-kettle, carry her up warm +water in cold weather, take the child while she dressed herself and got +the breakfast ready, then breakfast, get her in water and wood for the +day, then dress myself neatly, and sally forth to my business. The +moment that was over I used to hasten back to her again; and I no more +thought of spending a moment _away from her_, unless business compelled +me, than I thought of quitting the country and going to sea. The +_thunder_ and _lightning_ are tremendous in America, compared with what +they are in England. My wife was, at one time, very much afraid of +thunder and lightning; and as is the feeling of all such women, and, +indeed, all men too, she wanted company, and particularly her husband, +in those times of danger. I knew well, of course, that my presence would +not diminish the danger; but, be I at what I might, if within reach of +home, I used to quit my business and hasten to her, the moment I +perceived a thunder storm approaching. Scores of miles have I, first and +last, _run_ on this errand, in the streets of Philadelphia! The +Frenchmen, who were my scholars, used to laugh at me exceedingly on this +account; and sometimes, when I was making an appointment with them, they +would say, with a smile and a bow, '_Sauve la tonnerre toujours, +Monsieur Cobbett_.' + +168. I never _dangled_ about at the heels of my wife; seldom, very +seldom, ever _walked out_, as it is called, with her; I never 'went _a +walking_' in the whole course of my life; never went to walk without +having some _object_ in view other than the walk; and, as I never could +walk at a slow pace, it would have been _hard work_ for her to keep up +with me; so that, in the nearly forty years of our married life, we have +not walked out together, perhaps, twenty times. I hate a _dangler_, who +is more like a footman than a husband. It is very cheap to be kind in +_trifles_; but that which rivets the affections is not to be purchased +with money. The great thing of all, however, is to prove your anxiety at +those times of peril to her, and for which times you, nevertheless, +wish. Upon those occasions I was never from home, be the necessity for +it ever so great: it was my rule, that every thing must give way to +that. In the year 1809, some English local militiamen were _flogged_, in +the Isle of Ely, in England, under a guard of _Hanoverians_, then +stationed in England. I, reading an account of this in a London +newspaper, called the COURIER, expressed my indignation at it in such +terms as it became an Englishman to do. The Attorney General, Gibbs, was +set on upon me; he harassed me for nearly a year, then brought me to +trial, and I was, by Ellenborough, Grose, Le Blanc, and Bailey, +sentenced to _two years' imprisonment_ in Newgate, to pay a fine to _the +king_ of _a thousand pounds_, and to be held in heavy bail for _seven +years_ after the expiration of the imprisonment! Every one regarded it +as a sentence of _death_. I lived in the country at the time, seventy +miles from London; I had a farm on my hands; I had a family of small +children, amongst whom I had constantly lived; I had a most anxious and +devoted wife, who was, too, in that state, which rendered the separation +more painful ten-fold. I was put into a place amongst _felons_, from +which I had to rescue myself at the price of _twelve guineas a week_ for +the whole of the two years. The _King_, poor man! was, at the close of +my imprisonment, not _in a condition_ to receive the _thousand pounds_; +but his son, the present king, punctually received it _'in his name and +behalf_;' and he keeps it still. + +169. The sentence, though it proved not to be one of _death_, was, in +effect, one of _ruin_, as far as then-possessed property went. But this +really appeared as nothing, compared with the circumstance, that I must +now have _a child born in a felons' jail_, or be absent from the scene +at the time of the birth. My wife, who had come to see me for the last +time previous to her lying-in, perceiving my deep dejection at the +approach of her departure for Botley, resolved not to go; and actually +went and took a lodging as near to Newgate as she could find one, in +order that the communication between us might be as speedy as possible; +and in order that I might see the doctor, and receive assurances from +him relative to her state. The nearest lodging that she could find was +in Skinner-street, at the corner of a street leading to Smithfield. So +that there she was, amidst the incessant rattle of coaches and butchers' +carts, and the noise of cattle, dogs, and bawling men; instead of being +in a quiet and commodious country-house, with neighbours and servants +and every thing necessary about her. Yet, so great is the power of the +mind in such cases, she, though the circumstances proved uncommonly +perilous, and were attended with the loss of the child, bore her +sufferings with the greatest composure, because, at any minute she could +send a message to, and hear from, me. If she had gone to Botley, leaving +me in that state of anxiety in which she saw me, I am satisfied that she +would have died; and that event taking place at such a distance from me, +how was I to contemplate her corpse, surrounded by her distracted +children, and to have escaped death, or madness, myself? If such was not +the effect of this merciless act of the government towards me, that +amiable body may be well assured that I have _taken and recorded the +will for the deed_, and that as such it will live in my memory as long +as that memory shall last. + +170. I make no apology for this account of my own conduct, because +example is better than precept, and because I believe that my example +may have weight with many thousands, as it has had in respect to early +rising, abstinence, sobriety, industry, and mercy towards the poor. It +is not, then, dangling about after a wife; it is not the loading her +with baubles and trinkets; it is not the jaunting of her about from show +to show, and from what is called pleasure to pleasure. It is none of +these that endears you to her: it is the adherence to that part of the +promise you have made her: 'With my _body_ I thee _worship_;' that is to +say, _respect_ and _honour_ by personal attention and acts of affection. +And remember, that the greatest possible proof that you can give of real +and solid affection is to give her your _time_, when not wanted in +matters of business; when not wanted for the discharge of some _duty_, +either towards the public or towards private persons. Amongst duties of +this sort, we must, of course, in some ranks and circumstances of life, +include the intercourse amongst friends and neighbours, which may +frequently and reasonably call the husband from his home: but what are +we to think of the husband who is in the habit of leaving his own +fire-side, after the business of the day is over, and seeking +promiscuous companions in the ale or the coffee house? I am told that, +in France, it is rare to meet with a husband who does not spend every +evening of his life in what is called a _caffé_; that is to say, a place +for no other purpose than that of gossipping, drinking and gaming. And +it is with great sorrow that I acknowledge that many English husbands +indulge too much in a similar habit. Drinking clubs, smoking clubs, +singing clubs, clubs of odd-fellows, whist clubs, sotting clubs: these +are inexcusable, they are censurable, they are at once foolish and +wicked, even in single men; what must they be, then, in _husbands_; and +how are they to answer, not only to their wives, but to their children, +for this profligate abandonment of their homes; this breach of their +solemn vow made to the former, this evil example to the latter? + +171. Innumerable are the miseries that spring from this cause. The +_expense_ is, in the first place, very considerable. I much question +whether, amongst tradesmen, a _shilling_ a night pays the average score; +and that, too, for that which is really _worth_ nothing at all, and +cannot, even by possibility, be attended with any one single advantage, +however small. Fifteen pounds a year thus thrown away, would amount, in +the course of a tradesman's life, to a decent fortune for a child. Then +there is the injury to _health_ from these night adventures; there are +the _quarrels_, there is the vicious habit of loose and filthy talk; +there are the slanders and the back-bitings; there is the admiration of +contemptible wit, and there are the scoffings at all that is sober and +serious. + +172. And does the husband who thus abandons his wife and children +imagine that she will not, in some degree at least, follow his example? +If he do, he is very much deceived. If she imitate him even in drinking, +he has no great reason to complain; and then the cost may be _two +shillings_ the night instead of one, equal in amount to the cost of all +the bread wanted in the family, while the baker's bill is, perhaps, +unpaid. Here are the slanderings, too, going on at home; for, while the +husbands are assembled, it would be hard if the wives were not to do the +same; and the very least that is to be expected is, that the _tea-pot_ +should keep pace with the porter-pot or grog-glass. Hence crowds of +female acquaintances and intruders, and all the consequent and +inevitable squabbles which form no small part of the torment of the life +of man. + +173. If you have _servants_, they know to a moment the time of your +absence; and they regulate their proceedings accordingly. 'Like master +like man,' is an old and true proverb; and it is natural, if not just, +that it should be thus; for it would be unjust if the careless and +neglectful sot were served as faithfully as the vigilant, attentive and +sober man. Late hours, cards and dice, are amongst the consequences of +the master's absence; and why not, seeing that he is setting the +example? Fire, candle, profligate visitants, expences, losses, children +ruined in habits and morals, and, in short, a train of evils hardly to +be enumerated, arise from this most vicious habit of the master spending +his leisure time from home. But beyond all the rest is the +_ill-treatment of the wife_. When left to ourselves we all seek the +company that we _like best_; the company in which we _take the most +delight_: and therefore every husband, be his state of life what it may, +who spends his leisure time, or who, at least, is in the habit of doing +it, in company other than that of his wife and family, tells her and +them, as plainly by deeds as he could possibly do by words, that he +_takes more delight in other company than in theirs_. Children repay +this with _disregard_ for their father; but to a wife of any +sensibility, it is either a dagger to her heart or an incitement to +revenge, and revenge, too, of a species which a young woman will seldom +be long in want of the means to gratify. In conclusion of these remarks +respecting _absentee husbands_, I would recommend all those who are +prone to, or likely to fall into, the practice, to remember the words of +Mrs. SULLEN, in the BEAUX' STRATAGEM: 'My husband,' says she, addressing +a footman whom she had taken as a paramour, 'comes reeling home at +midnight, tumbles in beside me as a salmon flounces in a net, oversets +the economy of my bed, belches the fumes of his drink in my face, then +twists himself round, leaving me half naked, and listening till morning +to that tuneful nightingale, his nose.' It is at least forty-three years +since I read the BEAUX' STRATAGEM, and I now quote from memory; but the +passage has always occurred to me whenever I have seen a sottish +husband; and though that species of revenge, for the taking of which the +lady made this apology, was carrying the thing too far, yet I am ready +to confess, that if I had to sit in judgment on her for taking even this +revenge, my sentence would be very lenient; for what right has such a +husband to expect _fidelity_? He has broken his vow; and by what rule of +right has she to be bound to hers? She thought that she was marrying _a +man_; and she finds that she was married to a beast. He has, indeed, +committed no offence that _the law of the land_ can reach; but he has +violated the vow by which he obtained possession of her person; and, in +the eye of justice, the compact between them is dissolved. + +174. The way to avoid the sad consequences of which I have been speaking +is _to begin well_: many a man has become a sottish husband, and brought +a family to ruin, without being sottishly _inclined_, and without +_liking_ the gossip of the ale or coffee house. It is by slow degrees +that the mischief is done. He is first inveigled, and, in time, he +really likes the thing; and, when arrived at that point, he is +incurable. Let him resolve, from the very first, _never to spend an hour +from home_, unless business, or, at least, some necessary and rational +purpose demand it. Where ought he to be, but with the person whom he +himself hath chosen to be his partner for life, and the mother of his +children? What _other company_ ought he to deem so good and so fitting +as this? With whom else can he so pleasantly spend his hours of leisure +and relaxation? Besides, if he quit her to seek company more agreeable, +is not she set at large by that act of his? What justice is there in +confining her at home without any company at all, while he rambles forth +in search of company more gay than he finds at home? + +175. Let the young married man try the thing; let him resolve not to be +seduced from his home; let him never go, in one single instance, +unnecessarily from his own fire-side. _Habit_ is a powerful thing; and +if he begin right, the pleasure that he will derive from it will induce +him to continue right. This is not being '_tied to the apron-strings_,' +which means quite another matter, as I shall show by-and-by. It is being +at the husband's place, whether he have children or not. And is there +any want of matter for conversation between a man and his wife? Why not +talk of the daily occurrences to her, as well as to any body else; and +especially to a company of tippling and noisy men? If you excuse +yourself by saying that you go _to read the newspaper_, I answer, _buy +the newspaper_, if you must read it: the cost is not half of what you +spend per day at the pot-house; and then you have it your own, and may +read it at your leisure, and your wife can read it as well as yourself, +if read it you must. And, in short, what must that man be made of, who +does not prefer sitting by his own fire-side with his wife and children, +reading to them, or hearing them read, to hearing the gabble and +balderdash of a club or a pot-house company! + +176. Men must frequently be from home at all hours of the day and night. +Sailors, soldiers, merchants, all men out of the common track of labour, +and even some in the very lowest walks, are sometimes compelled by their +affairs, or by circumstances, to be from their homes. But what I protest +against is, the _habit_ of spending _leisure_ hours from home, and near +to it; and doing this without any necessity, and by _choice_: liking the +next door, or any house in the same street, better than your own. When +absent from _necessity_, there is no wound given to the heart of the +wife; she concludes that you would be with her if you could, and that +satisfies; she laments the absence, but submits to it without +complaining. Yet, in these cases, her feelings ought to be consulted as +much as possible; she ought to be fully apprised of the probable +duration of the absence, and of the time of return; and if these be +dependent on circumstances, those circumstances ought to be fully +stated; for you have no right to keep her mind upon the rack, when you +have it in your power to put it in a state of ease. Few men have been +more frequently taken from home by business, or by a necessity of some +sort, than I have; and I can positively assert, that, as to my return, I +never once disappointed my wife in the whole course of our married life. +If the time of return was contingent, I never failed to keep her +informed _from day to day_: if the time was fixed, or when it became +fixed, my arrival was as sure as my life. Going from London to Botley, +once, with Mr. FINNERTY, whose name I can never pronounce without an +expression of my regard for his memory, we stopped at ALTON, to dine +with a friend, who, delighted with Finnerty's talk, as every body else +was, kept us till ten or eleven o'clock, and was proceeding to _the +other bottle_, when I put in my protest, saying, 'We must go, my wife +will be frightened.' 'Blood, man,' said Finnerty, 'you do not mean to go +home to-night!' I told him I did; and then sent my son, who was with us, +to order out the post-chaise. We had twenty-three miles to go, during +which we debated the question, whether Mrs. COBBETT would be up to +receive us, I contending for the affirmative, and he for the negative. +She was up, and had a nice fire for us to sit down at. She had not +committed the matter to a servant: her servants and children were all in +bed; and she was up, to perform the duty of receiving her husband and +his friend. 'You did not expect him?' said Finnerty. 'To be sure I did,' +said she; 'he never disappointed me in his life.' + +177. Now, if all young men knew how much value women set upon this +species of fidelity, there would be fewer unhappy couples than there +are. If men have appointments with _lords_, they never dream of breaking +them; and I can assure them that wives are as sensitive in this respect +as lords. I had seen many instances of conjugal unhappiness arising out +of that carelessness which left wives in a state of uncertainty as to +the movements of their husbands; and I took care, from the very outset, +to guard against it. For no man has a right to sport with the feelings +of any innocent person whatever, and particularly with those of one who +has committed her happiness to his hands. The truth is, that men in +general look upon women as having no feelings different from their own; +and they know that they themselves would regard such disappointments as +nothing. But this is a great mistake: women feel more acutely than men; +their love is more ardent, more pure, more lasting, and they are more +frank and sincere in the utterance of their feelings. They ought to be +treated with due consideration had for all their amiable qualities and +all their weaknesses, and nothing by which their minds are affected +ought to be deemed a _trifle_. + +178. When we consider what a young woman gives up on her wedding day; +she makes a surrender, an absolute surrender, of her liberty, for the +joint lives of the parties; she gives the husband the absolute right of +causing her to live in what place, and in what manner and what society, +he pleases; she gives him the power to take from her, and to use, for +his own purposes, all her goods, unless reserved by some legal +instrument; and, above all, she surrenders to him _her person_. Then, +when we consider the pains which they endure for us, and the large share +of all the anxious parental cares that fall to their lot; when we +consider their devotion to us, and how unshaken their affection remains +in our ailments, even though the most tedious and disgusting; when we +consider the offices that they perform, and cheerfully perform, for us, +when, were we left to one another, we should perish from neglect; when +we consider their devotion to their children, how evidently they love +them better, in numerous instances, than their own lives; when we +consider these things, how can a just man think any thing a trifle that +affects their happiness? I was once going, in my gig, up the hill, in +the village of FRANKFORD, near Philadelphia, when a little girl, about +two years old, who had toddled away from a small house, was lying +basking in the sun, in the middle of the road. About two hundred yards +before I got to the child, the teams, five big horses in each, of three +wagons, the drivers of which had stopped to drink at a tavern on the +brow of the hill, started off, and came, nearly abreast, galloping down +the road. I got my gig off the road as speedily as I could; but expected +to see the poor child crushed to pieces. A young man, a journeyman +carpenter, who was shingling a shed by the side of the road, seeing the +child, and seeing the danger, though a stranger to the parents, jumped +from the top of the shed, ran into the road, and snatched up the child, +from scarcely an inch before the hoof of the leading horse. The horse's +leg knocked him down; but he, catching the child by its clothes, flung +it back, out of the way of the other horses, and saved himself by +rolling back with surprising agility. The mother of the child, who had, +apparently, been washing, seeing the teams coming, and seeing the +situation of the child, rushed out, and catching up the child, just as +the carpenter had flung it back, and hugging it in her arms, uttered _a +shriek_ such as I never heard before, never heard since, and, I hope, +shall never hear again; and then she dropped down, as if perfectly dead! +By the application of the usual means, she was restored, however, in a +little while; and I, being about to depart, asked the carpenter if he +were a married man, and whether he were a relation of the parents of the +child. He said he was neither: 'Well, then,' said I, 'you merit the +gratitude of every father and mother in the world, and I will show mine, +by giving you what I have,' pulling out the nine or ten dollars that I +had in my pocket. 'No; I thank you, Sir,' said he: 'I have only done +what it was my duty to do.' + +179. Bravery, disinterestedness, and maternal affection surpassing +these, it is impossible to imagine. The mother was going right in +amongst the feet of these powerful and wild horses, and amongst the +wheels of the wagons. She had no thought for herself; no feeling of fear +for her own life; her _shriek_ was the sound of inexpressible joy; joy +too great for her to support herself under. Perhaps ninety-nine mothers +out of every hundred would have acted the same part, under similar +circumstances. There are, comparatively, very few women not replete with +maternal love; and, by-the-by, take you care, if you meet with a girl +who '_is not fond of children_,' not to marry her _by any means_. Some +few there are who even make a boast that they 'cannot bear children,' +that is, cannot _endure_ them. I never knew a man that was good for +_much_ who had a dislike to little children; and I never knew a woman of +that taste who was good for any thing at all. I have seen a few such in +the course of my life, and I have never wished to see one of them a +second time. + +180. Being fond of little children argues no _effeminacy_ in a man, but, +as far as my observation has gone, the contrary. A regiment of soldiers +presents no bad school wherein to study character. Soldiers have +leisure, too, to play with children, as well as with 'women and dogs,' +for which the proverb has made them famed. And I have never observed +that effeminacy was at all the marked companion of fondness for little +children. This fondness manifestly arises from a compassionate feeling +towards creatures that are helpless, and that must be innocent. For my +own part, how many days, how many months, all put together, have I spent +with babies in my arms! My time, when at home, and when babies were +going on, was chiefly divided between the pen and the baby. I have fed +them and put them to sleep hundreds of times, though there were servants +to whom the task might have been transferred. Yet, I have not been +effeminate; I have not been idle; I have not been a waster of time; but +I should have been all these if I had disliked babies, and had liked the +porter pot and the grog glass. + +181. It is an old saying, 'Praise the child, and you make love to the +mother;' and it is surprising how far this will go. To a fond mother you +can do nothing so pleasing as to praise the baby, and, the younger it +is, the more she values the compliment. Say fine things to her, and take +no notice of her baby, and she will despise you. I have often beheld +this, in many women, with great admiration; and it is a thing that no +husband ought to overlook; for if the wife wish her child to be admired +by others, what must be the ardour of her wishes with regard to _his_ +admiration. There was a drunken dog of a Norfolk man in our regiment, +who came from Thetford, I recollect, who used to say, that his wife +would forgive him for spending all the pay, and the washing money into +the bargain, 'if he would but kiss her ugly brat, and say it was +pretty.' Now, though this was a very profligate fellow, he had +_philosophy_ in him; and certain it is, that there is nothing worthy of +the name of conjugal happiness, unless the husband clearly evince that +he is fond of his children, and that, too, from their very birth. + +182. But though all the aforementioned considerations demand from us the +kindest possible treatment of a wife, the husband is to expect dutiful +deportment at her hands. He is not to be her slave; he is not to yield +to her against the dictates of his own reason and judgment; it is her +duty to obey all his lawful commands; and, if she have sense, she will +perceive that it is a disgrace to herself to acknowledge, as a husband, +a thing over which she has an absolute controul. It should always be +recollected that _you_ are the party whose body must, if any do, lie in +jail for debt, and for debts of her contracting, too, as well as of your +own contracting. Over her _tongue_, too, you possess a clear right to +exercise, if necessary, some controul; for if she use it in an +unjustifiable manner, it is against _you_, and not against her, that the +law enables, and justly enables, the slandered party to proceed; which +would be monstrously unjust, if the law were not founded on the _right_ +which the husband has to control, if necessary, the tongue of the wife, +to compel her to keep it within the limits prescribed by the law. A +charming, a most enchanting, life, indeed, would be that of a husband, +if he were bound to cohabit with and to maintain one for all the debts +and all the slanders of whom he was answerable, and over whose conduct +he possessed no compulsory controul. + +183. Of the _remedies_ in the case of _really bad_ wives, squanderers, +drunkards, adultresses, I shall speak further on; it being the habit of +us all to put off to the last possible moment the performance of +disagreeable duties. But, far short of these vices, there are several +faults in a wife that may, if not cured in time, lead to great +unhappiness, great injury to the interests as well as character of her +husband and children; and which faults it is, therefore, the husband's +duty to correct. A wife may be chaste, sober in the full sense of the +word, industrious, cleanly, frugal, and may be devoted to her husband +and her children to a degree so enchanting as to make them all love her +beyond the power of words to express. And yet she may, partly under the +influence of her natural disposition, and partly encouraged by the great +and constant homage paid to her virtues, and presuming, too, on the pain +with which she knows her will would be thwarted; she may, with all her +virtues, be thus led to _a bold interference in the affairs of her +husband_; may attempt to dictate to him in matters quite out of her own +sphere; and, in the pursuit of the gratification of her love of power +and command, may wholly overlook the acts of folly or injustice which +she would induce her husband to commit, and overlook, too, the +contemptible thing that she is making the man whom it is her duty to +honour and obey, and the abasement of whom cannot take place without +some portion of degradation falling upon herself. At the time when 'THE +BOOK' came out, relative to the late ill-treated QUEEN CAROLINE, I was +talking upon the subject, one day, with _a parson_, who had not read the +Book, but who, as was the fashion with all those who were looking up to +the government, condemned the Queen unheard. 'Now,' said I, 'be not so +shamefully unjust; but _get the book_, _read_ it, _and then_ give your +judgment.'--'Indeed,' said his wife, who was sitting by, 'but HE +SHA'N'T,' pronouncing the words _sha'n't_ with an emphasis and a voice +tremendously masculine. 'Oh!' said I, 'if he SHA'N'T, that is another +matter; but, if he sha'n't read, if he sha'n't hear the evidence, he +sha'n't be looked upon, by me, as a just judge; and I sha'n't regard +him, in future, as having any opinion of his own in any thing.' All +which the husband, the poor henpecked thing, heard without a word +escaping his lips. + +184. A husband thus under command, is the most contemptible of God's +creatures. Nobody can place reliance on him for any thing; whether in +the capacity of employer or employed, you are never sure of him. No +bargain is firm, no engagement sacred, with such a man. Feeble as a reed +before the boisterous she-commander, he is bold in injustice towards +those whom it pleases her caprice to mark out for vengeance. In the eyes +of neighbours, for _friends_ such a man cannot have, in the eyes of +servants, in the eyes of even the beggars at his door, such a man is a +mean and despicable creature, though he may roll in wealth and possess +great talents into the bargain. Such a man has, in fact, no property; he +has nothing that he can rightly call _his own_; he is a beggarly +dependent under his own roof; and if he have any thing of the man left +in him, and if there be rope or river near, the sooner he betakes him to +the one or the other the better. How many men, how many families, have I +known brought to utter ruin only by the husband suffering himself to be +subdued, to be cowed down, to be held in fear, of even a virtuous wife! +What, then, must be the lot of him who submits to a commander who, at +the same time, sets all virtue at defiance! + +185. Women are a _sisterhood_. They make _common cause_ in behalf of the +_sex_; and, indeed, this is natural enough, when we consider the vast +power that the _law_ gives us over them. The law is for us, and they +combine, wherever they can, to mitigate its effects. This is perfectly +natural, and, to a certain extent, laudable, evincing fellow-feeling and +public spirit: but when carried to the length of '_he sha'n't_,' it is +despotism on the one side and slavery on the other. Watch, therefore, +the incipient steps of encroachment; and they come on so slowly, so +softly, that you must be sharp-sighted if you perceive them; but the +moment you _do perceive them_: your love will blind for too long a time; +but the moment you do perceive them, put at once an effectual stop to +their progress. Never mind the pain that it may give you: a day of pain +at this time will spare you years of pain in time to come. Many a man +has been miserable, and made his wife miserable too, for a score or two +of years, only for want of resolution to bear one day of pain: and it is +a great deal to bear; it is a great deal to do to thwart the desire of +one whom you so dearly love, and whose virtues daily render her more and +more dear to you. But (and this is one of the most admirable of the +mother's traits) as she herself will, while the tears stream from her +eyes, force the nauseous medicine down the throat of her child, whose +every cry is a dagger to her heart; as she herself has the courage to do +this for the sake of her child, why should you flinch from the +performance of a still more important and more sacred duty towards +herself, as well as towards you and your children? + +186. Am I recommending _tyranny_? Am I recommending _disregard_ of the +wife's opinions and wishes? Am I recommending a _reserve_ towards her +that would seem to say that she was not trust-worthy, or not a party +interested in her husband's affairs? By no means: on the contrary, +though I would keep any thing disagreeable from her, I should not enjoy +the prospect of good without making her a participator. But reason says, +and God has said, that it is the duty of wives to be obedient to their +husbands; and the very nature of things prescribes that there must be _a +head_ of every house, and an _undivided_ authority. And then it is so +clearly _just_ that the authority should rest with him on whose head +rests the whole responsibility, that a woman, when patiently reasoned +with on the subject, must be a virago in her very nature not to submit +with docility to the terms of her marriage vow. + +187. There are, in almost every considerable neighbourhood, a little +squadron of she-commanders, generally the youngish wives of old or +weak-minded men, and generally without children. These are the +tutoresses of the young wives of the vicinage; they, in virtue of their +experience, not only school the wives, but scold the husbands; they +teach the former how to encroach and the latter how to yield: so that if +you suffer this to go quietly on, you are soon under the care of a +_comité_ as completely as if you were insane. You want no _comité_: +reason, law, religion, the marriage vow; all these have made you head, +have given you full power to rule your family, and if you give up your +right, you deserve the contempt that assuredly awaits you, and also the +ruin that is, in all probability, your doom. + +188. Taking it for granted that you will not suffer more than a second +or third session of the female _comité_, let me say a word or two about +the conduct of men in deciding between the conflicting opinions of +husbands and wives. When a wife has _a point to carry_, and finds +herself hard pushed, or when she thinks it necessary to call to her aid +all the force she can possibly muster, one of her resources is, the vote +on her side of all her husband's visiting friends. 'My husband thinks so +and so, and I think so and so; now, Mr. Tomkins, don't you think _I am +right_?' To be sure he does; and so does Mr. Jenkins, and so does +Wilkins, and so does Mr. Dickins, and you would swear that they were all +her _kins_. Now this is very foolish, to say the least of it. None of +these complaisant _kins_ would like this in their own case. It is the +fashion to say _aye_ to all that a woman asserts, or contends for, +especially in contradiction to her husband; and a very pernicious +fashion it is. It is, in fact, not to pay her a compliment worthy of +acceptance, but to treat her as an empty and conceited fool; and no +sensible woman will, except from mere inadvertence, make the appeal. +This fashion, however, foolish and contemptible as it is in itself, is +attended, very frequently, with serious consequences. Backed by the +opinions of her husband's friends, the wife returns to the charge with +redoubled vigour and obstinacy; and if you do not yield, ten to one but +a _quarrel_ is the result; or, at least, something approaching towards +it. A gentleman at whose house I was, about five years ago, was about to +take a farm for his eldest son, who was a very fine young man, about +eighteen years old. The mother, who was as virtuous and as sensible a +woman as I have ever known, wished him to be 'in the law.' There were +six or eight intimate friends present, and all unhesitatingly joined the +lady, thinking it a pity that HARRY, who had had 'such a good +education,' should be _buried_ in a farm-house. 'And don't _you_ think +so too, Mr. Cobbett,' said the lady, with great earnestness. 'Indeed, +Ma'am,' said I, 'I should think it very great presumption in me to offer +any opinion at all, and especially in opposition to the known decision +of the father, who is the best judge, and the only rightful judge, in +such a case.' This was a very sensible and well-behaved woman, and I +still respect her very highly; but I could perceive that I instantly +dropped out of her good graces. Harry, however, I was glad to hear, went +'to be _buried_ in the farm-house.' + +189. 'A house divided against itself,' or, rather, _in_ itself, 'cannot +stand;' and it _is_ divided against itself if there be a _divided +authority_. The wife ought to be _heard_, and _patiently_ heard; she +ought to be reasoned with, and, if possible, convinced; but if, after +all endeavours in this way, she remain opposed to the husband's opinion, +his will _must_ be obeyed; or he, at once, becomes nothing; she is, in +fact, the _master_, and he is nothing but an insignificant inmate. As to +matters of little comparative moment; as to what shall be for dinner; as +to how the house shall be furnished; as to the management of the house +and of menial servants; as to these matters, and many others, the wife +may have her way without any danger; but when the questions are, what is +to be the _calling_ to be pursued; what is to be the _place of +residence_; what is to be the _style_ of living and _scale_ of expence; +what is to be done with _property_; what the manner and place of +educating children; what is to be their _calling_ or state of life; who +are to be employed or entrusted by the husband; what are the principles +that he is to adopt as to public matters; whom he is to have for +coadjutors or friends; all these must be left solely to the husband; in +all these he must have his will; or there never can be any harmony in +the family. + +190. Nevertheless, in some of these concerns, wives should be heard with +a great deal of attention, especially in the affairs of choosing your +male acquaintances and friends and associates. Women are more +quick-sighted than men; they are less disposed to confide in persons +upon a first acquaintance; they are more suspicious as to motives; they +are less liable to be deceived by professions and protestations; they +watch words with a more scrutinizing ear, and looks with a keener eye; +and, making due allowance for their prejudices in particular cases, +their opinions and remonstrances, with regard to matters of this sort, +ought not to be set at naught without great deliberation. LOUVET, one of +the Brissotins, who fled for their lives in the time of ROBESPIERRE; +this LOUVET, in his narrative, entitled '_Mes Perils_' and which I read, +for the first time, to divert my mind from the perils of the +yellow-fever, in Philadelphia, but with which I was so captivated as to +have read it many times since; this writer, giving an account of his +wonderful dangers and escapes, relates, that being on his way to Paris +from the vicinity of Bordeaux, and having no regular _passport_, fell +lame, but finally crept on to a miserable pot-house, in a small town in +the Limosin. The landlord questioned him with regard to who and what he +was and whence he came and was satisfied with his answers. But the +landlady, who had looked sharply at him on his arrival, whispered a +little boy, who ran away, and quickly returned with the mayor of the +town. LOUVET soon discovered that there was no danger in the mayor, who +could not decipher his forged passport, and who, being well plied with +wine, wanted to hear no more of the matter. The landlady, perceiving +this, slipped out and brought a couple of aldermen, who asked _to see +the passport_. 'O, yes; but _drink first_.' Then there was a laughing +story to tell over again, at the request of the half-drunken mayor; then +a laughing and more drinking; the passport in LOUVET'S hand, but _never +opened_, and, while another toast was drinking, the passport slid back +quietly into the pocket; the woman looking furious all the while. At +last, the mayor, the aldermen, and the landlord, all nearly drunk, shook +hands with LOUVET, and wished him a good journey, swore he was a _true +sans culotte_; but, he says, that the 'sharp-sighted woman, who was to +be deceived by none of his stories or professions, saw him get off with +deep and manifest disappointment and chagrin.' I have thought of this +many times since, when I have had occasion to witness the +quick-sightedness and penetration of women. The same quality that makes +them, as they notoriously are, more quick in discovering expedients in +cases of difficulty, makes them more apt to penetrate into motives and +character. + +191. I now come to a matter of the greatest possible importance; namely, +that great troubler of the married state, that great bane of families, +JEALOUSY; and I shall first speak of _jealousy_ in the _wife_. This is +always an unfortunate thing, and sometimes fatal. Yet, if there be a +great propensity towards it, it is very difficult to be prevented. One +thing, however, every husband can do in the way of prevention; and that +is, _to give no ground for it_. And here, it is not sufficient that he +strictly adhere to his marriage vow; he ought further to abstain from +every art, however free from guilt, calculated to awaken the slightest +degree of suspicion in a mind, the peace of which he is bound by every +tie of justice and humanity not to disturb, or, if he can avoid it, to +suffer it to be disturbed by others. A woman that is very fond of her +husband, and this is the case with nine-tenths of English and American +women, does not like to share with another any, even the smallest +portion, not only of his affection, but of his assiduities and applause; +and, as the bestowing of them on another, and receiving payment in kind, +can serve no purpose other than of gratifying one's _vanity_, they ought +to be abstained from, and especially if the gratification be to be +purchased with even the chance of exciting uneasiness in her, whom it is +your sacred duty to make as happy as you can. + +192. For about two or three years after I was married, I, retaining some +of my military manners, used, both in France and America, to _romp_ most +famously with the girls that came in my way; till one day, at +Philadelphia, my wife said to me, in a very gentle manner, 'Don't do +that: _I do not like it_.' That was quite enough: I had never _thought_ +on the subject before: one hair of her head was more dear to me than all +the other women in the world, and this I knew that she knew; but I now +saw that this was not all that she had a right to from me; I saw, that +she had the further claim upon me that I should abstain from every thing +that might induce others to believe that there was any other woman for +whom, even if I were at liberty, I had any affection. I beseech young +married men to bear this in mind; for, on some trifle of this sort, the +happiness or misery of a long life frequently turns. If the mind of a +wife be disturbed on this score, every possible means ought to be used +to restore it to peace; and though her suspicions be perfectly +groundless; though they be wild as the dreams of madmen; though they may +present a mixture of the furious and the ridiculous, still they are to +be treated with the greatest lenity and tenderness; and if, after all, +you fail, the frailty is to be lamented as a misfortune, and not +punished as a fault, seeing that it _must_ have its foundation in a +feeling towards you, which it would be the basest of ingratitude, and +the most ferocious of cruelty, to repay by harshness of any description. + +193. As to those husbands who make the _unjust_ suspicions of their +wives a _justification_ for making those suspicions just; as to such as +can make a sport of such suspicions, rather brag of them than otherwise, +and endeavour to aggravate rather than assuage them; as to such I have +nothing to say, they being far without the scope of any advice that I +can offer. But to such as are not of this description, I have a remark +or two to offer with respect to measures of _prevention_. + +194. And, first, I never could see the _sense_ of its being a piece of +etiquette, a sort of mark of _good breeding_, to make it a rule that man +and wife are not to sit side by side in a mixed company; that if a party +walk out, the wife is to give her arm to some other than her husband; +that if there be any other hand near, _his_ is not to help to a seat or +into a carriage. I never could see the _sense_ of this; but I have +always seen the _nonsense_ of it plainly enough; it is, in short, +amongst many other foolish and mischievous things that we do in aping +the manners of those whose riches (frequently ill-gotten) and whose +power embolden them to set, with impunity, pernicious examples; and to +their examples this nation owes more of its degradation in morals than +to any other source. The truth is, that this is a piece _of false +refinement_: it, being interpreted, means, that so free are the parties +from a liability to suspicion, so innately virtuous and pure are they, +that each man can safely trust his wife with another man, and each woman +her husband with another woman. But this piece of false refinement, like +all others, overshoots its mark; it says too much; for it says that the +parties have _lewd thoughts in their minds_. This is not the _fact_, +with regard to people in general; but it must have been the origin of +this set of consummately ridiculous and contemptible rules. + +195. Now I would advise a young man, especially if he have a pretty +wife, not to commit her unnecessarily to the care of any other man; not +to be separated from her in this studious and ceremonious manner; and +not to be ashamed to prefer her company and conversation to that of any +other woman. I never could discover any _good-breeding_ in setting +another man, almost expressly, to poke his nose up in the face of my +wife, and talk nonsense to her; for, in such cases, nonsense it +generally is. It is not a thing of much consequence, to be sure; but +when the wife is young, especially, it is not seemly, at any rate, and +it cannot possibly lead to any good, though it may not lead to any great +evil. And, on the other hand, you may be quite sure that, whatever she +may _seem_ to think of the matter, she will not like _you_ the better +for your attentions of this sort to other women, especially if they be +young and handsome: and as this species of fashionable nonsense can do +you no good, why gratify your love of talk, or the vanity of any woman, +at even the risk of exciting uneasiness in that mind of which it is your +most sacred duty to preserve, if you can, the uninterrupted +tranquillity. + +196. The truth is, that the greatest security of all against jealousy in +a wife is to show, to _prove_, by your _acts_, by your words also, but +more especially by your _acts_, that you prefer her to all the world; +and, as I said before, I know of no act that is, in this respect, equal +to spending in her company every moment of your _leisure_ time. Every +body knows, and young wives better than any body else, that people, who +can choose, will be where _they like best to be_, and that they will be +along with those _whose company they best like_. The matter is very +plain, then, and I do beseech you to bear it in mind. Nor do I see the +use, or sense, of keeping a great deal of _company_, as it is called. +What company can a young man and woman want more than their two selves, +and their children, if they have any? If here be not company enough, it +is but a sad affair. The pernicious _cards_ are brought forth by the +company-keeping, the rival expenses, the sittings up late at night, the +seeing of '_the ladies home_,' and a thousand squabbles and disagreeable +consequences. But, the great thing of all is, that this hankering after +company, proves, clearly proves, that _you want something beyond the +society of your wife_; and that she is sure to feel most acutely: the +bare fact contains an imputation against her, and it is pretty sure to +lay the foundation of jealousy, or of something still worse. + +197. If acts of kindness in you are necessary in all cases, they are +especially so in cases of her _illness_, from whatever cause arising. I +will not suppose myself to be addressing any husband capable of being +_unconcerned_ while his wife's life is in the most distant danger from +illness, though it has been my very great mortification to know in my +life time, two or three brutes of this description; but, far short of +this degree of brutality, a great deal of fault may be committed. When +men are ill, they feel every neglect with double anguish, and, what then +must be in such cases the feelings of women, whose ordinary feelings are +so much more acute than those of men; what must be their feelings in +case of neglect in illness, and especially if the neglect come _from the +husband_! Your own heart will, I hope, tell you what those feelings must +be, and will spare me the vain attempt to describe them; and, if it do +thus instruct you, you will want no arguments from me to induce you, at +such a season, to prove the sincerity of your affection by every kind +word and kind act that your mind can suggest. This is the time to try +you; and, be you assured, that the impression left on her mind now will +be the true and _lasting_ impression; and, if it be good, will be a +better preservative against her being jealous, than ten thousand of your +professions ten thousand times repeated. In such a case, you ought to +spare no expense that you can possibly afford; you ought to neglect +nothing that your means will enable you to do; for, what is the use of +money if it be not to be expended in this case? But, more than all the +rest, is your own _personal_ attention. This is the valuable thing; this +is the great balm to the sufferer, and, it is efficacious in proportion +as it is proved to be sincere. Leave nothing to other hands that you can +do yourself; the mind has a great deal to do in all the ailments of the +body, and, bear in mind, that, whatever be the event, you have a more +than ample reward. I cannot press this point too strongly upon you; the +bed of sickness presents no charms, no allurements, and women know this +well; they watch, in such a case, your every word and every look: and +now it is that their confidence is secured, or their suspicions excited, +for life. + +198. In conclusion of these remarks, as to jealousy in a wife, I cannot +help expressing my abhorrence of those husbands who treat it as a matter +for ridicule. To be sure, infidelity in a man is less heinous than +infidelity in the wife; but still, is the marriage vow nothing? Is a +promise solemnly made before God, and in the face of the world, nothing? +Is a violation of a contract, and that, too, with a feebler party, +nothing of which a man ought to be ashamed? But, besides all these, +there is the _cruelty_. First, you win, by great pains, perhaps, a +woman's affections; then, in order to get possession of her person, you +marry her; then, after enjoyment, you break your vow, you bring upon her +the mixed pity and jeers of the world, and thus you leave her to weep +out her life. Murder is more horrible than this, to be sure, and the +criminal _law_, which punishes divers other crimes, does not reach this; +but, in the eye of reason and of moral justice, it is surpassed by very +few of those crimes. _Passion_ may be pleaded, and so it may, for almost +every other crime of which man can be guilty. It is not a crime _against +nature_; nor are any of these which men commit in consequence of their +necessities. _The temptation is great_; and is not the temptation great +when men thieve or rob? In short, there is no excuse for an act so +unjust and so cruel, and the world is just as to this matter; for, I +have always observed, that, however men are disposed to _laugh_ at these +breaches of vows in men, the act seldom fails to produce injury to the +whole character; it leaves, after all the joking, a stain, and, amongst +those who depend on character for a livelihood, it often produces ruin. +At the very least, it makes an unhappy and wrangling family; it makes +children despise or hate their fathers, and it affords an example at the +thought of the ultimate consequences of which a father ought to shudder. +In such a case, children will take part, and they ought to take part, +with the mother: she is the injured party; the shame brought upon her +attaches, in part, to them: they feel the injustice done them; and, if +such a man, when the grey hairs, and tottering knees, and piping voice +come, look round him in vain for a prop, let him, at last, be just, and +acknowledge that he has now the due reward of his own wanton cruelty to +one whom he had solemnly sworn to love and to cherish to the last hour +of his or her life. + +199. But, bad as is conjugal infidelity in the _husband_, it is much +worse in the _wife_: a proposition that it is necessary to maintain by +the force of reason, because _the women_, as a sisterhood, are prone to +deny the truth of it. They say that _adultery_ is _adultery_, in men as +well as in them; and that, therefore, the offence is _as great_ in the +one case as in the other. As a crime, abstractedly considered, it +certainly is; but, as to the _consequences_, there is a wide difference. +In both cases, there is the breach of a solemn vow, but, there is this +great distinction, that the husband, by his breach of that vow, only +brings _shame_ upon his wife and family; whereas the wife, by a breach +of her vow, may bring the husband a spurious offspring to maintain, and +may bring that spurious offspring to rob of their fortunes, and in some +cases of their bread, her legitimate children. So that here is a great +and evident wrong done to numerous parties, besides the deeper disgrace +inflicted in this case than in the other. + +200. And why is the disgrace _deeper_? Because here is a total want of +_delicacy_; here is, in fact, _prostitution_; here is grossness and +filthiness of mind; here is every thing that argues baseness of +character. Women should be, and they are, except in few instances, far +more reserved and more delicate than men; nature bids them be such; the +habits and manners of the world confirm this precept of nature; and +therefore, when they commit this offence, they excite loathing, as well +as call for reprobation. In the countries where a _plurality of wives_ +is permitted, there is no _plurality of husbands_. It is there thought +not at all indelicate for a man to have several wives; but the bare +thought of a woman having _two husbands_ would excite horror. The +_widows_ of the Hindoos burn themselves in the pile that consumes their +husbands; but the Hindoo _widowers_ do not dispose of themselves in this +way. The widows devote their bodies to complete destruction, lest, even +after the death of their husbands, they should be tempted to connect +themselves with other men; and though this is carrying delicacy far +indeed, it reads to Christian wives a lesson not unworthy of their +attention; for, though it is not desirable that their bodies should be +turned into handfuls of ashes, even that transmutation were preferable +to that infidelity which fixes the brand of shame on the cheeks of their +parents, their children, and on those of all who ever called them +friend. + +201. For these plain and forcible reasons it is that this species of +offence is far more heinous in the wife than in the husband; and the +people of all civilized countries act upon this settled distinction. Men +who have been guilty of the offence are not cut off from society, but +women who have been guilty of it are; for, as we all know well, no +woman, married or single, of _fair reputation_, will risk that +reputation by being ever seen, if she can avoid it, with a woman who has +ever, at any time, committed this offence, which contains in itself, and +by universal award, a sentence of social excommunication for life. + +202. If, therefore, it be the duty of the husband to adhere strictly to +his marriage vow: if his breach of that vow be naturally attended with +the fatal consequences above described: how much more imperative is the +duty on the wife to avoid, even the semblance of a deviation from that +vow! If the man's misconduct, in this respect, bring shame on so many +innocent parties, what shame, what dishonour, what misery follow such +misconduct in the wife! Her parents, those of her husband, all her +relations, and all her friends, share in her dishonour. And _her +children_! how is she to make atonement to them! They are commanded to +honour their father and their mother; but not such a mother as this, +who, on the contrary, has no claim to any thing from them but hatred, +abhorrence, and execration. It is she who has broken the ties of nature; +she has dishonoured her own offspring; she has fixed a mark of reproach +on those who once made a part of her own body; nature shuts her out of +the pale of its influence, and condemns her to the just detestation of +those whom it formerly bade love her as their own life. + +203. But as the crime is so much more heinous, and the punishment so +much more severe, in the case of the wife than it is in the case of the +husband, so the caution ought to be greater in making the accusation, or +entertaining the suspicion. Men ought to be very slow in entertaining +such suspicions: they ought to have clear _proof_ before they can +_suspect_; a proneness to such suspicions is a very unfortunate turn of +the mind; and, indeed, few characters are more despicable than that of a +_jealous-headed husband_; rather than be tied to the whims of one of +whom, an innocent woman of spirit would earn her bread over the +washing-tub, or with a hay-fork, or a reap-hook. With such a man there +can be no peace; and, as far as children are concerned, the false +accusation is nearly equal to the reality. When a wife discovers her +jealousy, she merely imputes to her husband inconstancy and breach of +his marriage vow; but jealousy in him imputes to her a willingness to +palm a spurious offspring upon him, and upon her legitimate children, as +robbers of their birthright; and, besides this, grossness, filthiness, +and prostitution. She imputes to him injustice and cruelty: but he +imputes to her that which banishes her from society; that which cuts her +off for life from every thing connected with female purity; that which +brands her with infamy to her latest breath. + +204. Very slow, therefore, ought a husband to be in entertaining even +the thought of this crime in his wife. He ought to be _quite sure_ +before he take the smallest step in the way of accusation; but if +unhappily he have the proof, no consideration on earth ought to induce +him to cohabit with her one moment longer. Jealous husbands are not +despicable because they have _grounds_; but because they _have not +grounds_; and this is generally the case. When they have grounds, their +own honour commands them to cast off the object, as they would cut out a +corn or a cancer. It is not the jealousy in itself, which is despicable; +but the _continuing to live in that state_. It is no dishonour to be a +slave in Algiers, for instance; the dishonour begins only where you +remain a slave _voluntarily_; it begins the moment you can escape from +slavery, and do not. It is despicable unjustly to be jealous of your +wife; but it is infamy to cohabit with her if you _know_ her to be +guilty. + +205. I shall be told that the _law_ compels you to live with her, unless +you be _rich_ enough to disengage yourself from her; but the law does +not compel you to remain _in the same country with her_; and, if a man +have no other means of ridding himself of such a curse, what are +mountains or seas or traverse? And what is the risk (if such there be) +of exchanging a life of bodily ease for a life of labour? What are +these, and numerous other ills (if they happen) superadded? Nay, what is +death itself, compared with the baseness, the infamy, the never-ceasing +shame and reproach of living under the same roof with a prostituted +woman, and calling her your _wife_? But, there are _children_, and what +are to become of these? To be taken away from the prostitute, to be +sure; and this is a duty which you owe to them: the sooner they forget +her the better, and the farther they are from her, the sooner that will +be. There is no excuse for continuing to live with an adultress; no +inconvenience, no loss, no suffering, ought to deter a man from +delivering himself from such a state of filthy infamy; and to suffer his +children to remain in such a state, is a crime that hardly admits of +adequate description; a jail is paradise compared with such a life, and +he who can endure this latter, from the fear of encountering hardship, +is a wretch too despicable to go by the name of man. + +206. But, now, all this supposes, that the husband has _well and truly +acted his part_! It supposes, not only that he has been faithful; but, +that he has not, in any way, been the cause of temptation to the wife to +be unfaithful. If he have been cold and neglectful; if he have led a +life of irregularity; if he have proved to her that _home_ was not his +delight; if he have made his house the place of resort for loose +companions; if he have given rise to a taste for visiting, junketting, +parties of pleasure and gaiety; if he have introduced the habit of +indulging in what are called '_innocent freedoms_;' if these, or any of +these, _the fault is his_, he must take the consequences, and he has _no +right_ to inflict punishment on the offender, the offence being in fact +of his own creating. The laws of God, as well as the laws of man, have +given him all power in this respect: it is for him to use that power for +the honour of his wife as well as for that of himself: if he neglect to +use it, all the consequences ought to fall on him; and, as far as my +observation has gone, in nineteen out of twenty cases of infidelity in +wives, the crimes have been _fairly ascribable to the husbands_. Folly +or misconduct in the husband, cannot, indeed, justify or even palliate +infidelity in the wife, whose very nature ought to make her recoil at +the thought of the offence; but it may, at the same time, deprive him of +the right of inflicting punishment on her: her kindred, her children, +and the world, will justly hold her in abhorrence; but the husband must +hold his peace. + +207. '_Innocent freedoms!_' I know of none that a wife can indulge in. +The words, as applied to the demeanour of a married woman, or even a +single one, imply a contradiction. For _freedom_, thus used, means an +exemption or departure from the _strict rules of female reserve_; and, I +do not see how this can be _innocent_. It may not amount to _crime_, +indeed; but, still it is not _innocent_; and the use of the phrase is +dangerous. If it had been my fortune to be yoked to a person, who liked +'innocent freedoms,' I should have unyoked myself in a very short time. +But, to say the truth, it is all a man's own fault. If he have not sense +and influence enough to prevent 'innocent freedoms,' even _before_ +marriage, he will do well to let the thing alone, and leave wives to be +managed by those who have. But, men will talk to your wife, and natter +her. To be sure they will, if she be young and pretty; and would you go +and pull her away from them? O no, by no means; but you must have very +little sense, or must have made very little use of it, if her manner do +not soon convince them that they employ their flattery in vain. + +208. So much of a man's happiness and of his _efficiency_ through life +depends upon his mind being quite free from all anxieties of this sort, +that too much care cannot be taken to guard against them; and, I repeat, +that the great preservation of all is, the young couple living as much +as possible _at home_, and having as few visitors as possible. If they +do not prefer the company of each other to that of all the world +besides; if either of them be weary of the company of the other; if they +do not, when separated by business or any other cause, think with +pleasure of the time of meeting again, it is a bad omen. Pursue this +course when young, and the very thought of jealousy will never come into +your mind; and, if you do pursue it, and show by your _deeds_ that you +value your wife as you do your own life, you must be pretty nearly an +idiot, if she do not think you to be the wisest man in the world. The +_best_ man she will be sure to think you, and she will never forgive any +one that calls your talents or your wisdom in question. + +209. Now, will you say that, if to be happy, nay, if to avoid misery and +ruin in the married state, requires all these precautions, all these +cares, to fail to any extent in any of which is to bring down on a man's +head such fearful consequences; will you say that, if this be the case, +_it is better to remain single_? If you should say this, it is my +business to show that you are in error. For, in the first place, it is +against nature to suppose that children can cease to be born; they must +and will come; and then it follows, that they must come by promiscuous +intercourse, or by particular connexion. The former nobody will contend +for, seeing that it would put us, in this respect, on a level with the +brute creation. Then, as the connexion is to be _particular_, it must be +_during pleasure_, or for the _joint lives of the parties_. The former +would seldom hold for any length of time: the tie would seldom be +durable, and it would be feeble on account of its uncertain duration. +Therefore, to be a _father_, with all the lasting and delightful ties +attached to the name, you must first be a husband; and there are very +few men in the world who do not, first or last, desire to be _fathers_. +If it be said, that marriage ought not to be for life, but that its +duration ought to be subject to the will, the _mutual will_ at least, of +the parties; the answer is, that it would seldom be of long duration. +Every trifling dispute would lead to a separation; a hasty word would be +enough. Knowing that the engagement is for life, prevents disputes too; +it checks anger in its beginnings. Put a rigging horse into a field with +a weak fence, and with captivating pasture on the other side, and he is +continually trying to get out; but, let the field be walled round, he +makes the best of his hard fare, and divides his time between grazing +and sleeping. Besides, there could be no _families_, no assemblages of +persons worthy of that name; all would be confusion and indescribable +intermixture: the names of _brother_ and _sister_ would hardly have a +meaning; and, therefore, there must be marriage, or there can be nothing +worthy of the name of family or of father. + +210. The _cares_ and _troubles_ of the married life are many; but, are +those of the single life few? Take the _farmer_, and it is nearly the +same with the tradesman; but, take the farmer, for instance, and let +him, at the age of twenty-five, go into business unmarried. See his maid +servants, probably rivals for his smiles, but certainly rivals in the +charitable distribution of his victuals and drink amongst those of their +own rank: behold _their_ guardianship of his pork-tub, his bacon rack, +his butter, cheese, milk, poultry, eggs, and all the rest of it: look at +_their_ care of all his household stuff, his blankets, sheets, +pillow-cases, towels, knives and forks, and particularly of his +_crockery ware_, of which last they will hardly exceed a single +cart-load of broken bits in the year. And, how nicely they will get up +and take care of his linen and other wearing apparel, and always have it +ready for him without his thinking about it! If absent at market, or +especially at a distant fair, how scrupulously they will keep all their +cronies out of his house, and what special care they will take of his +_cellar_, more particularly that which holds the strong beer! And his +groceries and his spirits and his _wine_ (for a bachelor can _afford_ +it), how safe these will all be! Bachelors have not, indeed, any more +than married men, a security for _health_; but if our young farmer be +sick, there are his couple of maids to take care of him, to administer +his medicine, and to perform for him all other nameless offices, which +in such a case are required; and what is more, take care of every thing +down stairs at the same time, especially his desk with the money in it! +Never will they, good-humoured girls as they are, scold him for coming +home too late; but, on the contrary, like him the better for it; and if +he have drunk a little too much, so much the better, for then he will +sleep late in the morning, and when he comes out at last, he will find +that his men have been _so hard_ at work, and that all his animals have +been taken such good care of! + +211. Nonsense! a bare glance at the thing shows, that a farmer, above +all men living, can never carry on his affairs with profit without a +wife, or a mother, or a daughter, or some such person; and _mother_ and +_daughter_ imply matrimony. To be sure, a wife would cause some +_trouble_, perhaps, to this young man. There might be the midwife and +nurse to gallop after at midnight; there might be, and there ought to +be, if called for, a little complaining of late hours; but, good God! +what are these, and all the other _troubles_ that could attend a married +life; what are they, compared to the one single circumstance of the want +of a wife at your bedside during one single night of illness! A nurse! +what is a nurse to do for you? Will she do the things that a wife will +do? Will she watch your looks and your half-uttered wishes? Will she use +the urgent persuasions so often necessary to save life in such cases? +Will she, by her acts, convince you that it is not a toil, but a +delight, to break her rest for your sake? In short, now it is that you +find that what the women themselves say is strictly true, namely, that +without wives, _men are poor helpless mortals_. + +212. As to the _expense_, there is no comparison between that of a woman +servant and a wife, in the house of a farmer or a tradesman. The wages +of the former is not the expense; it is the want of a _common interest_ +with you, and this you can obtain in no one but a wife. But there are +_the children_. I, for my part, firmly believe that a farmer, married at +twenty-five, and having ten children during the first ten years, would +be able to save more money during these years, than a bachelor, of the +same age, would be able to save, on the same farm, in a like space of +time, he keeping only one maid servant. One single fit of illness, of +two months' duration, might sweep away more than all the children would +cost in the whole ten years, to say nothing of the continual waste and +pillage, and the idleness, going on from the first day of the ten years +to the last. + +213. Besides, is the money _all_? What a life to lead!! No one to talk +to without going from home, or without getting some one to come to you; +no friend to sit and talk to: pleasant evenings to pass! Nobody to share +with you your sorrows or your pleasures: no soul having a common +interest with you: all around you taking care of themselves, and no care +of you: no one to cheer you in moments of depression: to say all in a +word, no one to _love_ you, and no prospect of ever seeing any such one +to the end of your days. For, as to parents and brethren, if you have +them, they have other and very different ties; and, however laudable +your feelings as son and brother, those feelings are of a different +character. Then as to gratifications, from which you will hardly abstain +altogether, are they generally of little expense? and are they attended +with no trouble, no vexation, no disappointment, no _jealousy_ even, and +are they never followed by shame or remorse? + +214. It does very well in bantering songs, to say that the bachelor's +life is '_devoid of care_.' My observation tells me the contrary, and +reason concurs, in this regard, with experience. The bachelor has no one +on whom he can in all cases rely. When he quits his home, he carries +with him cares that are unknown to the married man. If, indeed, like the +common soldier, he have merely a lodging-place, and a bundle of clothes, +given in charge to some one, he may be at his ease; but if he possess +any thing of a home, he is never sure of its safety; and this +uncertainty is a great enemy to cheerfulness. And as to _efficiency_ in +life, how is the bachelor to equal the married man? In the case of +farmers and tradesmen, the latter have so clearly the advantage over the +former, that one need hardly insist upon the point; but it is, and must +be, the same in all the situations of life. To provide for a wife and +children is the greatest of all possible spurs to exertion. Many a man, +naturally prone to idleness, has become active and industrious when he +saw children growing up about him; many a dull sluggard has become, if +not a bright man, at least a bustling man, when roused to exertion by +his love. Dryden's account of the change wrought in CYMON, is only a +strong case of the kind. And, indeed, if a man will not exert himself +for the sake of a wife and children, he can have no exertion in him; or +he must be deaf to all the dictates of nature. + +215. Perhaps the world never exhibited a more striking proof of the +truth of this doctrine than that which is exhibited in me; and I am sure +that every one will say, without any hesitation, that a fourth part of +the labours I have performed, never would have been performed, _if I had +not been a married man_. In the first place, they could not; for I +should, all the early part of my life, have been rambling and roving +about as most bachelors are. I should have had _no home_ that I cared a +straw about, and should have wasted the far greater part of my time. The +great affair of home being _settled_, having the home secured, I had +leisure to employ my mind on things which it delighted in. I got rid at +once of all cares, all _anxieties_, and had only to provide for the very +moderate wants of that home. But the children began to come. They +sharpened my industry: they spurred me on. To be sure, I had other and +strong motives: I wrote for fame, and was urged forward by +ill-treatment, and by the desire to triumph over my enemies; but, after +all, a very large part of my _nearly a hundred volumes_ may be fairly +ascribed to the wife and children. + +216. I might have done _something_; but, perhaps, not a _thousandth_ +part of what I have done; not even a thousandth part: for the chances +are, that I, being fond of a military life, should have ended my days +ten or twenty years ago, in consequence of wounds, or fatigue, or, more +likely, in consequence of the persecutions of some haughty and insolent +fool, whom nature had formed to black my shoes, and whom a system of +corruption had made my commander. _Love_ came and rescued me from this +state of horrible slavery; placed the whole of my time at my own +disposal; made me as free as air; removed every restraint upon the +operations of my mind, naturally disposed to communicate its thoughts to +others; and gave me, for my leisure hours, a companion, who, though +deprived of all opportunity of acquiring what is _called learning_, had +so much good sense, so much useful knowledge, was so innocent, so just +in all her ways, so pure in thought, word and deed, so disinterested, so +generous, so devoted to me and her children, so free from all disguise, +and, withal, so beautiful and so talkative, and in a voice so sweet, so +cheering, that I must, seeing the health and the capacity which it had +pleased God to give me, have been a _criminal_, if I had done much less +than that which I have done; and I have always said, that, if my country +feel any gratitude for my labours, that gratitude is due to her full as +much as to me. + +217. _'Care'!_ What _care_ have I known! I have been buffeted about by +this powerful and vindictive Government; I have repeatedly had the fruit +of my labour snatched away from me by it; but I had a partner that never +frowned, that was never melancholy, that never was subdued in spirit, +that never abated a smile, on these occasions, that fortified me, and +sustained me by her courageous example, and that was just as busy and as +zealous in taking care of the remnant as she had been in taking care of +the whole; just as cheerful, and just as full of caresses, when brought +down to a mean hired lodging, as when the mistress of a fine country +house, with all its accompaniments; and, whether from her words or her +looks, no one could gather that she regretted the change. What '_cares_' +have I had, then? What have I had worthy of the name of '_cares_'? + +218. And, how is it _now_? How is it when the _sixty-fourth year_ has +come? And how should I have been without this wife and these children? I +_might_ have amassed a tolerable heap of _money_; but what would that +have done for me? It might have _bought_ me plenty of _professions_ of +attachment; plenty of persons impatient for my exit from the world; but +not one single grain of sorrow, for any anguish that might have attended +my approaching end. To me, no being in this world appears so wretched as +an _Old Bachelor_. Those circumstances, those changes in his person and +in his mind, which, in the husband, increase rather than diminish the +attentions to him, produce all the want of feeling attendant on disgust; +and he beholds, in the conduct of the mercenary crew that generally +surround him, little besides an eager desire to profit from that event, +the approach of which, nature makes a subject of sorrow with him. + +219. Before I quit this part of my work, I cannot refrain from offering +my opinion with regard to what is due from husband to wife, when the +_disposal of his property_ comes to be thought of. When marriage is an +affair settled by deeds, contracts, and lawyers, the husband, being +bound beforehand, has really no _will_ to make. But where he has _a +will_ to make, and a faithful wife to leave behind him, it is his first +duty to provide for her future well-being, to the utmost of his power. +If she brought him _no money_, she brought him _her person_; and by +delivering that up to him, she established a claim to his careful +protection of her to the end of her life. Some men think, or act as if +they thought, that, if a wife bring no money, and if the husband gain +money by his business or profession, that money is _his_, and not hers, +because she has not been doing any of those things for which the money +has been received. But is this way of thinking _just_? By the marriage +vow, the husband endows the wife _with all his worldly goods_; and not a +bit too much is this, when she is giving him the command and possession +of her person. But does she _not help to acquire the money_? Speaking, +for instance, of the farmer or the merchant, the wife does not, indeed, +go to plough, or to look after the ploughing and sowing; she does not +purchase or sell the stock; she does not go to the fair or the market; +but she enables him to do all these without injury to his affairs at +home; she is the guardian of his property; she preserves what would +otherwise be lost to him. The barn and the granary, though they _create_ +nothing, have, in the bringing of food to our mouths, as much merit as +the fields themselves. The wife does not, indeed, assist in the +merchant's counting-house; she does not go upon the exchange; she does +not even know what he is doing; but she keeps his house in order; she +rears up his children; she provides a scene of suitable resort for his +friends; she insures him a constant retreat from the fatigues of his +affairs; she makes his home pleasant, and she is the guardian of his +income. + +220. In both these cases, the wife _helps to gain the money_; and in +cases where there is no gain, where the income is by descent, or is +fixed, she helps to prevent it from being squandered away. It is, +therefore, as much _hers_ as it is the husband's; and though _the law_ +gives him, in many cases, the power of keeping her share from her, no +just man will ever avail himself of that power. With regard to the +_tying up_ of widows from marrying again, I will relate what took place +in a case of this kind, in America. A merchant, who had, during his +married state, risen from poverty to very great riches, and who had, +nevertheless, died at about forty years of age, left the whole of his +property to his wife for her life, and at her disposal at her death, +_provided that she did not marry_. The consequence was, that she took a +husband _without marrying_, and, at her death (she having no children), +gave the whole of the property to the second husband! So much for +_posthumous jealousy_! + +221. Where there are _children_, indeed, it is the duty of the husband +to provide, in certain cases, against _step-fathers_, who are very prone +not to be the most just and affectionate parents. It is an unhappy +circumstance, when a dying father is compelled to have fears of this +sort. There is seldom _an apology_ to be offered for a mother that will +hazard the happiness of her children by a second marriage. The _law_ +allows it, to be sure; but there is, as Prior says, 'something beyond +the letter of the law.' I know what ticklish ground I am treading on +here; but, though it is _as lawful_ for a woman to take a second husband +as for a man to take a second wife, the cases are different, and widely +different, in the eye of morality and of reason; for, as adultery in the +wife is a greater offence than adultery in the husband; as it is more +gross, as it includes _prostitution_; so a second marriage in the woman +is more gross than in the man, argues great deficiency in that +_delicacy_, that _innate_ modesty, which, after all, is the _great +charm_, the charm of charms, in the female sex. I do not _like_ to hear +a man _talk_ of his _first wife_, especially in the presence of a +second; but to hear a woman thus _talk_ of her _first husband_, has +never, however beautiful and good she might be, failed to sink her in my +estimation. I have, in such cases, never been able to keep out of my +mind that _concatenation of ideas_, which, in spite of custom, in spite +of the frequency of the occurrence, leave an impression deeply +disadvantageous to the party; for, after the greatest of ingenuity has +exhausted itself in the way of apology, it comes to this at last, that +the person has _a second time_ undergone that surrender, to which +nothing but the most ardent affection, could ever reconcile a chaste and +delicate woman. + +222. The usual apologies, that 'a _lone woman_ wants a _protector_; that +she cannot _manage her estate_; that she cannot _carry on her business_; +that she wants a _home for her children_'; all these apologies are not +worth a straw; for what is the amount of them? Why, that she _surrenders +her person_ to secure these ends! And if we admit the validity of such +apologies, are we far from apologising for the kept-mistress, and even +the prostitute? Nay, the former of these _may_ (if she confine herself +to _one man_) plead more boldly in her defence; and even the latter may +plead that hunger, which knows no law, and no decorum, and no delicacy. +These unhappy, but justly-reprobated and despised parties, are allowed +no apology at all: though reduced to the begging of their bread, the +world grants them no excuse. The sentence on them is: 'You shall suffer +every hardship; you shall submit to hunger and nakedness; you shall +perish by the way-side, rather than you shall _surrender your person_ to +the _dishonour of the female sex_.' But can we, without crying +injustice, pass this sentence upon them, and, at the same time hold it +to be proper, decorous, and delicate, that widows shall _surrender their +persons_ for _worldly gain_, for the sake of _ease_, or for any +consideration whatsoever? + +223. It is disagreeable to contemplate the possibility of cases of +_separation_; but amongst the evils of life, such have occurred, and +will occur; and the injured parties, while they are sure to meet with +the pity of all just persons, must console themselves that they have not +merited their fate. In the making one's choice, no human foresight or +prudence can, in all cases, guard against an unhappy result. There is +one species of husbands to be occasionally met with in all countries, +meriting particular reprobation, and causing us to lament, that there is +no law to punish offenders so enormous. There was a man in Pennsylvania, +apparently a very amiable young man, having a good estate of his own, +and marrying a most beautiful woman of his own age, of rich parents, and +of virtue perfectly spotless. He very soon took to both _gaming_ and +_drinking_ (the last being the most fashionable vice of the country); he +neglected his affairs and his family; in about four years spent his +estate, and became a dependent on his wife's father, together with his +wife and three children. Even this would have been of little +consequence, as far as related to expense; but he led the most +scandalous life, and was incessant in his demands of money for the +purposes of that infamous life. All sorts of means were resorted to to +reclaim him, and all in vain; and the wretch, availing himself of the +pleading of his wife's affection, and of his _power over the children_ +more especially, continued for ten or twelve years to plunder the +parents, and to disgrace those whom it was his bounden duty to assist in +making happy. At last, going out in the dark, in a boat, and being +partly drunk, he went to the bottom of the Delaware, and became food for +otters or fishes, to the great joy of all who knew him, excepting only +his amiable wife. I can form an idea of no baseness equal to this. There +is more of _baseness_ in this character than in that of the robber. The +man who obtains the means of indulging in vice, by robbery, exposes +himself to the inflictions of the law; but though he merits punishment, +he merits it less than the base miscreant who obtains his means by his +_threats to disgrace his own wife, children_, and _the wife's parents_. +The short way in such a case, is the best; set the wretch at _defiance_; +resort to the strong arm of the law wherever it will avail you; drive +him from your house like a mad dog; for, be assured, that a being so +base and cruel is never to be reclaimed: all your efforts at persuasion +are useless; his promises and vows are made but to be broken; all your +endeavours to keep the thing from the knowledge of the world, only +prolong his plundering of you; and many a tender father and mother have +been ruined by such endeavours; the whole story _must come out at last_, +and it is better to come out before you be ruined, than after your ruin +is completed. + +224. However, let me hope, that those who read this work will always be +secure against evils like these; let me hope, that the young men who +read it will abstain from those vices which lead to such fatal results; +that they will, before they utter the marriage vow, duly reflect on the +great duties that that vow imposes on them; that they will repel, from +the outset, every temptation to any thing tending to give pain to the +defenceless persons whose love for them have placed them at their mercy; +and that they will imprint on their own minds this truth, that a _bad +husband_ was never yet _a happy man_. + + + + +LETTER V + +TO A FATHER + +225. 'Little children,' says the Scripture, 'are like arrows in the +hands of the giant, and blessed is the man that hath his quiver full of +them'; a beautiful figure to describe, in forcible terms, the support, +the power, which a father derives from being surrounded by a family. And +what father, thus blessed, is there who does not feel, in this sort of +support, a _reliance_ which he feels in no other? In regard to this sort +of support there is no uncertainty, no doubts, no misgivings; it is +_yourself_ that you see in your children: their bosoms are the safe +repository of even the whispers of your mind: they are the great and +unspeakable delight of your youth, the pride of your prime of life, and +the props of your old age. They proceed from that love, the pleasures of +which no tongue or pen can adequately describe, and the various +blessings which they bring are equally incapable of description. + +226. But, to make them blessings, you must act your part well; for they +may, by your neglect, your ill-treatment, your evil example, be made to +be the _contrary of blessings_; instead of pleasure, they may bring you +pain; instead of making your heart glad, the sight of them may make it +sorrowful; instead of being the staff of your old age, they may bring +your gray hairs in grief to the grave. + +227. It is, therefore, of the greatest importance, that you here act +well your part, omitting nothing, even from the very beginning, tending +to give you great and unceasing influence over their minds; and, above +all things, to ensure, if possible, _an ardent love of their mother_. +Your first duty towards them is resolutely to prevent their drawing the +means of life _from any breast but hers_. That is their _own_; it is +their _birthright_; and if that fail from any natural cause, the place +of it ought to be supplied by those means which are frequently resorted +to without employing a _hireling breast_. I am aware of the too frequent +practice of the contrary; I am well aware of the offence which I shall +here give to many; but it is for me to do my duty, and to set, with +regard to myself, consequences at defiance. + +228. In the first place, no food is so congenial to the child as the +milk of its own mother; its quality is made by nature to suit the age of +the child; it comes with the child, and is calculated precisely for its +stomach. And, then, what sort of a mother must that be who can endure +the thought of seeing her child at another breast! The suckling may be +attended with great pain, and it is so attended in many cases; but this +pain is a necessary consequence of pleasures foregone; and, besides, it +has its accompanying pleasures too. No mother ever suffered more than my +wife did from suckling her children. How many times have I seen her, +when the child was beginning to draw, bite her lips while the tears ran +down her cheeks! Yet, having endured this, the smiles came and dried up +the tears; and the little thing that had caused the pain received +abundant kisses as its punishment. + +229. Why, now, did I not love her _the more_ for this? Did not this tend +to rivet her to my heart? She was enduring this _for me_; and would not +this endearing thought have been wanting, if I had seen the baby at a +breast that I had hired and _paid for_; if I had had _two women_, one to +bear the child and another to give it milk? Of all the sights that this +world affords, the most delightful in my eyes, even to an unconcerned +spectator, is, a mother with her clean and fat baby lugging at her +breast, leaving off now-and-then and smiling, and she, occasionally, +half smothering it with kisses. What must that sight be, then, to the +_father_ of the child? + +230. Besides, are we to overlook the great and wonderful effect that +this has on the minds of children? As they succeed each other, they see +with their own eyes, the pain, the care, the caresses, which their +mother has endured for, or bestowed, on them; and nature bids them love +her accordingly. To love her ardently becomes part of their very nature; +and when the time comes that her advice to them is necessary as a guide +for their conduct, this deep and early impression has all its natural +weight, which must be wholly wanting if the child be banished to a +hireling breast, and only brought at times into the presence of the +mother, who is, in fact, no mother, or, at least, but half a one. The +children who are thus banished, love (as is natural and just) the +foster-mother better than the real mother as long as they are at the +breast. When this ceases, they are _taught_ to love their own mother +most; but this _teaching_ is of a cold and formal kind. They may, and +generally do, in a short time, care little about the foster-mother; the +_teaching_ weans all their affection from her, but it does not +_transfer_ it to the other. + +231. I had the pleasure to know, in Hampshire, a lady who had brought up +a family of ten children _by hand_, as they call it. Owing to some +defect, she could not suckle her children; but she wisely and heroically +resolved, that her children should hang upon no _other breast_, and that +she would not participate in the crime of robbing another child of its +birthright, and, as is mostly the case, of _its life_. Who has not seen +these banished children, when brought and put into the arms of their +mothers, screaming to get from them, and stretch out their little hands +to get back into the arms of the nurse, and when safely got there, +hugging the hireling as if her bosom were a place of _refuge_? Why, such +a sight is, one would think, enough to strike a mother dead. And what +sort of a husband and father, I want to know, must that be, who can +endure the thought of his child loving another woman more than its own +mother and his wife? + +232. And besides all these considerations, is there no crime in robbing +the child of the nurse, and in exposing it to perish? It will not do to +say that the child of the nurse may be dead, and thereby leave her +breast for the use of some other. Such cases must happen too seldom to +be at all relied on; and, indeed, every one must see, that, generally +speaking, there must be a child _cast off_ for every one that is put to +a hireling breast. Now, without supposing it possible, that the hireling +will, in any case, contrive to _get rid_ of her own child, every man who +employs such hireling, must know, that he is exposing such child to +destruction; that he is assisting to rob it of the means of life; and, +of course, assisting to procure its death, as completely as a man can, +in any case, assist in causing death by starvation; a consideration +which will make every just man in the world recoil at the thought of +employing a hireling breast. For he is not to think of pacifying his +conscience by saying, that _he_ knows nothing about the hireling's +child. He does know; for he must know, that she _has_ a child, and that +he is a principal in robbing it of the means of life. He does not cast +it off and leave it to perish himself, but he causes the thing to be +done; and to all intents and purposes, he is a principal in the cruel +and cowardly crime. + +233. And if an argument could possibly be yet wanting to the husband; if +his feelings were so stiff as still to remain unmoved, must not the wife +be aware that whatever _face_ the world may put upon it, however custom +may seem to bear her out; must she not be aware that every one must see +the main _motive_ which induces her to banish from her arms that which +has formed part of her own body? All the pretences about her sore +breasts and her want of strength are vain: nature says that she is to +endure the pains as well as the pleasures: whoever has heard the +bleating of the ewe for her lamb, and has seen her _reconciled_, or at +least pacified, by having presented to her the skin or some of the blood +of her _dead_ lamb: whoever has witnessed the difficulty of inducing +either ewe or cow to give her milk to an alien young one: whoever has +seen the valour of the timid hen in defending her brood, and has +observed that she never swallows a morsel that is fit for her young, +until they be amply satisfied: whoever has seen the wild birds, though, +at other times, shunning even the distant approach of man, flying and +screaming round his head, and exposing themselves to almost certain +death in defence of their nests: whoever has seen these things, or any +one of them, must question the _motive_ that can induce a mother to +banish a child from her own breast to that of one who has already been +so unnatural as to banish hers. And, in seeking for a motive +_sufficiently powerful_ to lead to such an act, women must excuse men, +if they be not satisfied with the ordinary pretences; they must excuse +_me_, at any rate, if I do not stop even at love of ease and want of +maternal affection, and if I express my fear, that, superadded to the +unjustifiable motives, there is one which is calculated to excite +disgust; namely, a desire to be quickly freed from that restraint which +the child imposes, and to _hasten back_, unbridled and undisfigured, to +those enjoyments, to have an eagerness for which, or to wish to excite a +desire for which, a really delicate woman will shudder at the thought of +being suspected. + +234. I am well aware of the hostility that I have here been exciting; +but there is another, and still more furious, bull to take by the horns, +and which would have been encountered some pages back (that being the +proper place), had I not hesitated between my duty and my desire to +avoid giving offence; I mean the employing of _male-operators_, on those +occasions where females used to be employed. And here I have _every +thing_ against me; the now general custom, even amongst the most chaste +and delicate women; the ridicule continually cast on old midwives; the +interest of a profession, for the members of which I entertain more +respect and regard than for those of any other; and, above all the rest, +_my own example to the contrary_, and my knowledge that every husband +has the same apology that I had. But because I acted wrong myself, it is +not less, but rather more, my duty to endeavour to dissuade others from +doing the same. My wife had suffered very severely with her second +child, which, at last, was still-born. The next time I pleaded for _the +doctor_; and, after every argument that I could think of, obtained a +reluctant consent. Her _life_ was so dear to me, that every thing else +appeared as nothing. Every husband has the same apology to make; and +thus, from the good, and not from the bad, feelings of men, the practice +has become far too general, for me to hope even to narrow it; but, +nevertheless, I cannot refrain from giving my opinion on the subject. + +235. We are apt to talk in a very unceremonious style of our _rude_ +ancestors, of their _gross_ habits, their _want of delicacy_ in their +language. No man shall ever make me believe, that those, who reared the +cathedral of ELY (which I saw the other day), were _rude_, either in +their manners or in their minds and words. No man shall make me believe, +that our ancestors were a rude and beggarly race, when I read in an act +of parliament, passed in the reign of Edward the Fourth, regulating the +dresses of the different ranks of the people, and forbidding the +LABOURERS to wear coats of cloth that cost _more_ than _two shillings a +yard_ (equal to _forty shillings_ of our present money), and forbidding +their wives and daughters to wear sashes, or girdles, _trimmed with gold +or silver_. No man shall make me believe that this was a _rude_ and +beggarly race, compared with those who now shirk and shiver about in +canvass frocks and rotten cottons. Nor shall any man persuade me that +that was a _rude_ and beggarly state of things, in which (reign of +Edward the Third) an act was passed regulating the wages of labour, and +ordering that a woman, for _weeding in the corn_, should receive a penny +a day, while a _quart of red wine_ was sold for _a penny_, and a pair of +men's shoes for _two-pence_. No man shall make me believe that +_agriculture_ was in a _rude_ state, when an act like this was passed, +or that our ancestors of that day were _rude_ in their minds, or in +their thoughts. Indeed, there are a thousand proofs, that, whether in +regard to domestic or foreign affairs, whether in regard to internal +freedom and happiness, or to weight in the world, England was at her +zenith about the reign of Edward the Third. The _Reformation_, as it is +called, gave her a complete pull down. She revived again in the reigns +of the Stuarts, as far as related to internal affairs; but the +'_Glorious Revolution_' and its debt and its taxes, have, amidst the +false glare of new palaces, roads, and canals, brought her down until +she is become the land of domestic misery and of foreign impotence and +contempt; and, until she, amidst all her boasted improvements and +refinements, tremblingly awaits her fall. + +236. However, to return from this digression, _rude_ and _unrefined_ as +our mothers might be, plain and unvarnished as they might be in their +language, accustomed as they might be to call things by their names, +though they were not so _very delicate_ as to use the word +_small-clothes_; and to be quite unable, in speaking of horn-cattle, +horses, sheep, the canine race, and poultry, to designate them by their +sexual appellations; though they might not absolutely faint at hearing +these appellations used by others; _rude_ and _unrefined_ and +_indelicate_ as they might be, they did not suffer, in the cases alluded +to, the approaches of _men_, which approaches are unceremoniously +suffered, and even sought, by their polished and refined and delicate +daughters; and of unmarried men too, in many cases; and of very young +men. + +237. From all antiquity this office was allotted to _woman_. Moses's +life was saved by the humanity of the Egyptian _midwife_; and to the +employment of females in this memorable case, the world is probably +indebted for that which has been left it by that greatest of all +law-givers, whose institutes, _rude_ as they were, have been the +foundation of all the wisest and most just laws in all the countries of +Europe and America. It was the _fellow feeling_ of the midwife for the +poor mother that saved Moses. And none but a _mother_ can, in such +cases, feel to the full and effectual extent that which the operator +ought to feel. She has been in the same state _herself_; she knows more +about the matter, except in cases of very rare occurrence, than any +_man_, however great his learning and experience, can ever know. She +knows all the previous symptoms; she can judge more correctly than man +can judge in such a case; she can put questions to the party, which a +man cannot put; the communication between the two is wholly without +reserve; the _person_ of the one is given up to the other, as completely +as her own is under her command. This never can be the case with a +man-operator; for, after all that can be said or done, the native +feeling of women, in whatever rank of life, will, in these cases, +restrain them from saying and doing, before a man, even before a +_husband_, many things which they ought to say and do. So that, perhaps, +even with regard to the bare question of comparative safety to life, the +midwife is the preferable person. + +238. But safety to life is not ALL. The preservation of life is not to +be preferred to EVERY THING. Ought not a man to prefer death to the +commission of treason against his country? Ought not a man to die, +rather than save his life by the prostitution of his wife to a tyrant, +who insists upon the one or the other? Every man and every woman will +answer in the affirmative to both these questions. There are, then, +cases where people ought to submit to _certain death_. Surely, then, the +mere _chance_, the mere _possibility_ of it, ought not to outweigh the +mighty considerations on the other side; ought not to overcome that +inborn modesty, that sacred reserve as to their _persons_, which, as I +said before, is the charm of charms of the female sex, and which our +mothers, _rude_ as they are called by us, took, we may be satisfied, the +best and most effectual means of preserving. + +239. But is there, after all, any thing _real_ in this _greater +security_ for the life of either mother or child? If, then, risk were so +great as to call upon women to overcome this natural repugnance to +suffer the approaches of a man, that risk must be _general_; it must +apply to _all_ women; and, further, it must, ever since the creation of +man, _always_ have so applied. Now, resorting to the employment of +_men_-operators has not been in vogue in Europe more than about seventy +years, and has not been _general_ in England more than about thirty or +forty years. So that the _risk_ in employing midwives must, of late +years, have become vastly greater than it was even when I was a boy, +or the whole race must have been extinguished long ago. And, then, how +puzzled we should be to account for the building of all the cathedrals, +and all the churches, and the draining of all the marshes, and all the +fens, more than a thousand years before the word '_accoucheur_' ever +came from the lips of woman, and before the thought came into her mind? +And here, even in the use of this _word_, we have a specimen of the +_refined delicacy_ of the present age; here we have, varnish the matter +over how we may, modesty in the _word_ and grossness in the _thought_. +Farmers' wives, daughters, and maids, cannot now allude to, or hear +named, without _blushing_, those affairs of the homestead, which they, +within my memory, used to talk about as freely as of milking or +spinning; but, have they become more _really modest_ than their mothers +were? Has this _refinement_ made them more _continent_ than those _rude_ +mothers? A jury at Westminster gave, about six years ago, _damages_ to a +man, calling himself a gentleman, against a farmer, because the latter, +for the purpose for which such animals are kept, had a _bull_ in his +yard, on which the windows of the gentleman looked! The plaintiff +alleged, that this was _so offensive_ to his _wife_ and _daughters_, +that, if the defendant were not compelled to desist, he should be +obliged to _brick up his windows, or to quit the house_! If I had been +the father of these, at once, _delicate_ and _curious_ daughters, I +would not have been the herald of their purity of mind; and if I had +been the suitor of one of them, I would have taken care to give up the +suit with all convenient speed; for how could I reasonably have hoped +ever to be able to prevail on delicacy, _so exquisite_, to commit itself +to a pair of bridal sheets? In spite, however, of all this '_refinement_ +in the human mind,' which is everlastingly dinned in our ears; in spite +of the '_small-clothes_,' and of all the other affected stuff, we have +this conclusion, this indubitable _proof_, of the falling off in _real_ +delicacy; namely, that common prostitutes, formerly unknown, now swarm +in our towns, and are seldom wanting even in our villages; and where +there was _one_ illegitimate child (including those coming before the +time) only fifty years ago, there are now _twenty_. + +240. And who can say how far the employment of _men_, in the cases +alluded to, may have _assisted_ in producing this change, so disgraceful +to the present age, and so injurious to the female sex? The prostitution +and the swarms of illegitimate children have a natural and inevitable +tendency to lessen that respect, and that kind and indulgent feeling, +which is due from all men to virtuous women. It is well known that the +unworthy members of any profession, calling, or rank in life, cause, by +their acts, the whole body to sink in the general esteem; it is well +known, that the habitual dishonesty of merchants trading abroad, the +habitual profligate behaviour of travellers from home, the frequent +proofs of abject submission to tyrants; it is well known, that these may +give the character of dishonesty, profligacy, or cowardice, to a whole +nation. There are, doubtless, many men in Switzerland, who abhor the +infamous practices of men _selling themselves_, by whole regiments, to +fight for any foreign state that will pay them, no matter in what cause, +and no matter whether against their own parents or brethren; but the +censure falls upon the _whole nation_: and '_no money, no Swiss_,' is a +proverb throughout the world. It is, amidst those scenes of prostitution +and bastardy, impossible for men in general to respect the female sex to +the degree that they formerly did; while numbers will be apt to adopt +the unjust sentiment of the old bachelor, POPE, that '_every woman is, +at heart, a rake_.' + +241. Who knows, I say, in what degree the employment of _men_-operators +may have tended to produce this change, so injurious to the female sex? +Aye, and to encourage unfeeling and brutal men to propose that the dead +bodies of females, if _poor_, should be _sold_ for the purpose of +exhibition and dissection before an audience of men; a proposition that +our '_rude_ ancestors' would have answered, not by words, but by blows! +Alas! our women may talk of 'small-clothes' as long as they please; they +may blush to scarlet at hearing animals designated by their sexual +appellations; it may, to give the world a proof of our excessive modesty +and delicacy, even pass a law (indeed we have done it) to punish 'an +_exposure of the person_'; but as long as our streets swarm with +prostitutes, our asylums and private houses with bastards; as long as we +have _man_-operators in the delicate cases alluded to, and as long as +the exhibiting of the dead body of a virtuous female before an audience +of men shall not be punished by the law, and even with death; as long as +we shall appear to be satisfied in this state of things, it becomes us, +at any rate, to be silent about purity of mind, improvement of manners, +and an increase of refinement and _delicacy_. + +242. This practice has brought the '_doctor_' into _every family_ in the +kingdom, which is of itself no small evil. I am not thinking of the +_expense_; for, in cases like these, nothing in that way ought to be +spared. If necessary to the safety of his wife, a man ought not only to +part with his last shilling, but to pledge his future labour. But we all +know that there are _imaginary ailments_, many of which are absolutely +created by the habit of talking with or about the '_doctor_.' Read the +'DOMESTIC MEDICINE,' and by the time that you have done, you will +imagine that you have, at times, all the diseases of which it treats. +This practice has added to, has doubled, aye, has augmented, I verily +believe, ten-fold the number of the gentlemen who are, in common +parlance, called '_doctors_'; at which, indeed, I, on my own private +account, ought to rejoice; for, _invariably_ I have, even in the worst +of times, found them every where amongst my staunchest and kindest +friends. But though these gentlemen are not to blame for this, any more +than attorneys are for their increase in number; and amongst these +gentlemen, too, I have, with very few exceptions, always found sensible +men and zealous friends; though the parties pursuing these professions +are not to blame; though the increase of attorneys has arisen from the +endless number and the complexity of the laws, and from the ten-fold mass +of crimes caused by poverty arising from oppressive taxation; and though +the increase of 'doctors' has arisen from the diseases and the imaginary +ailments arising from that effeminate luxury which has been created by +the drawing of wealth from the many, and giving it to the few; and, as +the lower classes will always endeavour to imitate the higher, so the +'_accoucheur_' has, along with the '_small-clothes_,' descended from the +loan-monger's palace down to the hovel of the pauper, there to take his +fee out of the poor-rates; though these parties are not to blame, the +thing is not less an evil. Both professions have lost in character, in +proportion to the increase in the number of its members; peaches, if +they grew on hedges, would rank but little above the berries of the +bramble. + +243. But to return once more to the matter of _risk_ of life; can it be +that _nature_ has so ordered it, that, as a _general thing_, the life of +either mother or child shall be in _danger_, even if there were no +attendant at all? _Can this be?_ Certainly it cannot: _safety_ must be +the rule, and _danger_ the exception; this _must_ be the case, or the +world never could have been peopled; and, perhaps, in ninety-nine cases +out of every hundred, if nature were left _wholly to herself_, all would +be right. The great doctor in these cases, is, comforting, consoling, +cheering up. And who can perform this office like _women_? who have for +these occasions a language and sentiments which seem to have been +invented for the purpose; and be they what they may as to general +demeanour and character, they have all, upon these occasions, one common +feeling, and that so amiable, so excellent, as to admit of no adequate +description. They completely forget, for the time, all rivalships, all +squabbles, all animosities, all _hatred_ even; every one feels as if it +were her own particular concern. + +244. These, we may be well assured, are the proper attendants on these +occasions; the mother, the aunt, the sister, the cousin, and female +neighbour; these are the suitable attendants, having some experienced +woman to afford extraordinary aid, if such be necessary; and in the few +cases where the preservation of life demands the surgeon's skill, he is +always at hand. The contrary practice, which we got from the French, is +not, however, _so general_ in France as in England. We have outstripped +all the world in this, as we have in every thing which proceeds from +luxury and effeminacy on the one hand, and from poverty on the other; +the millions have been stripped of their means to heap wealth on the +thousands, and have been corrupted in manners, as well as in morals, by +vicious examples set them by the possessors of that wealth. As reason +says that the practice of which I complain cannot be cured without a +total change in society, it would be presumption in me to expect such +cure from any efforts of mine. I therefore must content myself with +hoping that such change will come, and with declaring, that if I had to +live my life over again, I would act upon the opinions which I have +thought it my bounden duty here to state and endeavour to maintain. + +245. Having gotten over these thorny places as quickly as possible, I +gladly come back to the BABIES; with regard to whom I shall have no +prejudices, no affectation, no false pride, no sham fears to encounter; +every heart (except there be one made of flint) being with me here. +'Then were there brought unto him _little children_, that he should put +his hands on them, and pray: and the disciples rebuked them. But Jesus +said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not to come unto me; for +of such is the kingdom of heaven.' A figure most forcibly expressive of +the character and beauty of innocence, and, at the same time, most aptly +illustrative of the doctrine of regeneration. And where is the man; the +_woman_ who is not fond of babies is not worthy the name; but where is +the _man_ who does not feel his heart softened; who does not feel +himself become gentler; who does not lose all the hardness of his +temper; when, in any way, for any purpose, or by any body, an appeal is +made to him in behalf of these so helpless and so perfectly innocent +little creatures? + +246. SHAKSPEARE, who is cried up as the great interpreter of the human +heart, has said, that the man in whose soul there is no _music_, or love +of music, is 'fit for murders, treasons, stratagems, and spoils.' 'Our +_immortal_ bard,' as the profligate SHERIDAN used to call him in public, +while he laughed at him in private; our '_immortal_ bard' seems to have +forgotten that Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, were flung into the +fiery furnace (made seven times hotter than usual) amidst the sound of +the cornet, flute, harp, sackbut, and dulcimer, and all kinds of music; +he seems to have forgotten that it was a music and a dance-loving damsel +that chose, as a recompense for her elegant performance, the bloody head +of John the Baptist, brought to her in a charger; he seems to have +forgotten that, while Rome burned, Nero fiddled: he did not know, +perhaps, that cannibals always dance and sing while their victims are +roasting; but he might have known, and he must have known, that +England's greatest tyrant, Henry VIII., had, as his agent in blood, +Thomas Cromwell, expressed it, 'his _sweet soul_ enwrapped in the +_celestial_ sounds of music;' and this was just at the time when the +ferocious tyrant was ordering Catholics and Protestants to be tied back +to back on the same hurdle, dragged to Smithfield on that hurdle, and +there tied to, and burnt from, the same stake. Shakspeare must have +known these things, for he lived immediately after their date; and if he +had lived in our day, he would have seen instances enough of 'sweet +souls' enwrapped in the same manner, and capable, if not of deeds +equally bloody, of others, discovering a total want of feeling for +sufferings not unfrequently occasioned by their own wanton waste, and +waste arising, too, in part, from their taste for these 'celestial +sounds.' + +247. O no! the heart of man is not to be known by this test: a _great_ +fondness for music is a mark of great weakness, great vacuity of mind: +not of hardness of heart; not of vice; not of downright folly; but of a +want of capacity, or inclination, for sober thought. This is not always +the case: accidental circumstances almost force the taste upon people: +but, generally speaking, it is a preference of sound to sense. But the +man, and especially the _father_, who is not fond of _babies_; who does +not feel his heart softened when he touches their almost boneless limbs; +when he sees their little eyes first begin to discern; when he hears +their tender accents; the man whose heart does not beat truly to this +test, is, to say the best of him, an object of compassion. + +248. But the mother's feelings are here to be thought of too; for, of +all gratifications, the very greatest that a mother can receive, is +notice taken of, and praise bestowed on, her baby. The moment _that_ +gets into her arms, every thing else diminishes in value, the father +only excepted. _Her own personal charms_, notwithstanding all that men +say and have written on the subject, become, at most, a secondary object +as soon as the baby arrives. A saying of the old, profligate King of +Prussia is frequently quoted in proof of the truth of the maxim, that a +woman will forgive any thing but _calling her ugly_; a very true maxim, +perhaps, as applied to prostitutes, whether in high or low life; but a +pretty long life of observation has told me, that a _mother_, worthy of +the name, will care little about what you say of _her_ person, so that +you will but extol the beauty of her baby. Her baby is always the very +prettiest that ever was born! It is always an eighth wonder of the +world! And thus it ought to be, or there would be a want of that +wondrous attachment to it which is necessary to bear her up through all +those cares and pains and toils inseparable from the preservation of its +life and health. + +249. It is, however, of the part which the _husband_ has to act, in +participating in these cares and toils, that I am now to speak. Let no +man imagine that the world will despise him for helping to take care of +his own child: thoughtless fools may attempt to ridicule; the unfeeling +few may join in the attempt; but all, whose good opinion is worth +having, will applaud his conduct, and will, in many cases, be disposed +to repose confidence in him on that very account. To say of a man, that +he is fond of his family, is, of itself, to say that, in private life at +least, he is a good and trust-worthy man; aye, and in public life too, +pretty much; for it is no easy matter to separate the two characters; +and it is naturally concluded, that he who has been flagrantly wanting +in feeling for his own flesh and blood, will not be very sensitive +towards the rest of mankind. There is nothing more amiable, nothing more +delightful to behold, than a _young_ man especially taking part in the +work of nursing the children; and how often have I admired this in the +labouring men in Hampshire! It is, indeed, _generally_ the same all over +England; and as to America, it would be deemed brutal for a man not to +take his full share of these cares and labours. + +250. The man who is to gain a living by his labour, must be drawn away +from home, or, at least, from the cradle-side, in order to perform that +labour; but this will not, if he be made of good stuff, prevent him from +doing his share of the duty due to his children. There are still many +hours in the twenty-four, that he will have to spare for this duty; and +there ought to be no toils, no watchings, no breaking of rest, imposed +by this duty, of which he ought not to perform his full share, and that, +too, without grudging. This is strictly due from him in payment for the +pleasures of the marriage state. What _right_ has he to the sole +possession of a _woman's_ person; what right to a _husband's_ vast +authority; what right to the honourable title and the boundless power of +_father_: what _right_ has he to all, or any of these, unless he can +found his claim on the faithful performance of all the duties which +these titles imply? + +251. One great source of the unhappiness amongst mankind arises, +however, from a neglect of these duties; but, as if by way of +compensation for their privations, they are much more duly performed by +the poor than by the rich. The fashion of the labouring people is this: +the husband, when free from his toil in the fields, takes his share in +the nursing, which he manifestly looks upon as a sort of reward for his +labour. However distant from his cottage, his heart is always at that +home towards which he is carried, at night, by limbs that feel not their +weariness, being urged on by a heart anticipating the welcome of those +who attend him there. Those who have, as I so many hundreds of times +have, seen the labourers in the woodland parts of Hampshire and Sussex, +coming, at night-fall, towards their cottage-wickets, laden with fuel +for a day or two; whoever has seen three or four little creatures +looking out for the father's approach, running in to announce the glad +tidings, and then scampering out to meet him, clinging round his knees, +or hanging on his skirts; whoever has witnessed scenes like this, to +witness which has formed one of the greatest delights of my life, will +hesitate long before he prefer a life of ease to a life of labour; +before he prefer a communication with children intercepted by servants +and teachers to that communication which is here direct, and which +admits not of any division of affection. + +252. Then comes _the Sunday_; and, amongst all those who keep no +servants, a great deal depends on the manner in which the father employs +_that day_. When there are two or three children, or even one child, the +first thing, after the breakfast (which is late on this day of rest), is +to wash and dress the child or children. Then, while the mother is +dressing the dinner, the father, being in his Sunday-clothes himself, +takes care of the child or children. When dinner is over, the mother +puts on her best; and then, all go to church, or, if that cannot be, +whether from distance or other cause, _all pass the afternoon together_. +This used to be the way of life amongst the labouring people; and from +this way of life arose the most able and most moral people that the +world ever saw, until grinding taxation took from them the means of +obtaining a sufficiency of food and of raiment; plunged the whole, good +and bad, into one indiscriminate mass, under the degrading and hateful +name of paupers. + +253. The working man, in whatever line, and whether in town or country, +who spends his _day of rest_, or any part of it, except in case of +absolute necessity, away from his wife and children, is not worthy of +the name of _father_, and is seldom worthy of the trust of any employer. +Such absence argues a want of fatherly and of conjugal affection, which +want is generally duly repaid by a similar want in the neglected +parties; and, though stern authority may command and enforce obedience +for a while, the time soon comes when it will be set at defiance; and +when such a father, having no example, no proofs of love, to plead, +complains of _filial ingratitude_, the silent indifference of his +neighbours, and which is more poignant, his own heart, will tell him +that his complaint is unjust. + +254. Thus far with regard to _working_ people; but much more necessary +is it to inculcate these principles in the minds of young men in the +middle rank of life, and to be more particular, in their case, with +regard to the care due to very young children, for here _servants_ come +in; and many are but too prone to think, that when they have handed +their children over to well-paid and able servants, they have _done +their duty by them_, than which there can hardly be a more mischievous +error. The children of the poorer people are, in general, much fonder of +their parents than those of the rich are of theirs: this fondness is +reciprocal; and the cause is, that the children of the former have, from +their very birth, had a greater share than those of the latter--of the +_personal_ attention, and of the never-ceasing endearments of their +parents. + +255. I have before urged upon young married men, in the middle walks of +life, to _keep the servants out of the house as long as possible_; and +when they must come at last, when they must be had even to assist in +taking care of children, let them be _assistants_ in the most strict +sense of the word; let them not be _confided in_; let children never be +_left to them alone_; and the younger the child, the more necessary a +rigid adherence to this rule. I shall be told, perhaps, by some careless +father, or some play-haunting mother, that female servants are _women_, +and have the tender feelings of women. Very true; and, in general, as +good and kind in their _nature_ as the mother herself. But they are not +the _mothers_ of your children, and it is not in nature that they should +have the care and anxiety adequate to the necessity of the case. Out of +the immediate care and personal superintendence of one or the other of +the parents, or of some trusty _relation_, no young child ought to be +suffered to be, if there be, at whatever sacrifice of ease or of +property, any possibility of preventing it: because, to insure, if +possible, the perfect form, the straight limbs, the sound body, and the +sane mind of your children, is the very first of all your duties. To +provide fortunes for them; to make provision for their future fame; to +give them the learning necessary to the calling for which you destine +them: all these may be duties, and the last is a duty; but a duty far +greater than, and prior to, all these, is the duty of neglecting nothing +within your power to insure them a _sane mind in a sound and undeformed +body_. And, good God! how many are the instances of deformed bodies, of +crooked limbs, of idiocy, or of deplorable imbecility, proceeding solely +from young children being left to the care of servants! One would +imagine, that one single sight of this kind to be seen, or heard of, in +a whole nation, would be sufficient to deter parents from the practice. +And what, then, must those parents feel, who have brought this life-long +sorrowing on themselves! When once the thing is _done_, to repent is +unavailing. And what is now the worth of all the ease and all the +pleasures, to enjoy which the poor sufferer was abandoned to the care of +servants! + +256. What! can I plead _example_, then, in support of this rigid +precept? Did we, who have bred up a family of children, and have had +servants during the greater part of the time, _never_ leave a young +child to the care of servants? Never; no, not for _one single hour_. +Were we, then, tied constantly to the house with them? No; for we +sometimes took them out; but one or the other of us _was always with +them_, until, in succession, they were able to take good care of +themselves; or until the elder ones were able to take care of the +younger, and then _they_ sometimes stood sentinel in our stead. How +could we _visit_ then? Why, if both went, we bargained beforehand to +take the children with us; and if this were a thing not to be proposed, +one of us went, and the other stayed at home, the latter being very +frequently my lot. From this we _never_ once deviated. We cast aside all +consideration of convenience; all calculations of expense; all thoughts +of pleasure of every sort. And, what could have equalled the reward that +we have received for our care and for our unshaken resolution in this +respect? + +257. In the rearing of children, there is _resolution_ wanting as well +as _tenderness_. That parent is not _truly_ affectionate who wants the +_courage_ to do that which is sure to give the child temporary pain. A +great deal, in providing for the _health_ and _strength_ of children, +depends upon their being duly and daily washed, when well, in cold water +from head to foot. Their cries testify to what a degree they _dislike_ +this. They squall and kick and twist about at a fine rate; and many +mothers, too many, neglect this, partly from reluctance to encounter the +squalling, and partly, and _much too often_, from what I will not call +_idleness_, but to which I cannot apply a milder term than _neglect_. +Well and duly performed, it is an hour's good tight work; for, besides +the bodily labour, which is not very slight when the child gets to be +five or six months old, there is the _singing_ to _overpower the voice +of the child_. The moment the stripping of the child used to begin, the +singing used to begin, and the latter never ceased till the former had +ceased. After having heard this go on with all my children, ROUSSEAU +taught me the _philosophy_ of it. I happened, by accident, to look into +his EMILE, and there I found him saying, that the nurse subdued the +voice of the child and made it quiet, _by drowning its voice in hers_, +and thereby making it perceive that it could _not be heard_, and that to +continue to cry _was of no avail_. 'Here, Nancy,' said I (going to her +with the book in my hand), 'you have been a great philosopher all your +life, without either of us knowing it.' A _silent_ nurse is a poor soul. +It is a great disadvantage to the child, if the mother be of a very +silent, placid, quiet turn. The singing, the talking to, the tossing and +rolling about, that mothers in general practise, are very beneficial to +the children: they give them exercise, awaken their attention, animate +them, and rouse them to action. It is very bad to have a child even +carried about by a dull, inanimate, silent servant, who will never talk, +sing or chirrup to it; who will but just carry it about, always kept in +the same attitude, and seeing and hearing nothing to give it life and +spirit. It requires nothing but a dull creature like this, and the +washing and dressing left to her, to give a child the rickets, and make +it, instead of being a strong straight person, tup-shinned, bow-kneed, +or hump-backed; besides other ailments not visible to the eye. +By-and-by, when the deformity begins to appear, the doctor is called in, +but it is too late: the mischief is done; and a few months of neglect +are punished by a life of mortification and sorrow, not wholly +unaccompanied with shame. + +258. It is, therefore, a very spurious kind of _tenderness_ that +prevents a mother from doing the things which, though disagreeable to +the child, are so necessary to its lasting well-being. The washing daily +in the morning is a great thing; cold water winter or summer, and _this +never left to a servant_, who has not, in such a case, either the +patience or the courage that is necessary for the task. When the washing +is over, and the child dressed in its day-clothes, how gay and cheerful +it looks! The exercise gives it appetite, and then disposes it to rest; +and it sucks and sleeps and grows, the delight of all eyes, and +particularly those of the parents. 'I can't bear _that squalling_!' I +have heard men say; and to which I answer, that 'I can't bear _such +men_!' There are, I thank God, very few of them; for, if they do not +always _reason_ about the matter, honest nature teaches them to be +considerate and indulgent towards little creatures so innocent and so +helpless and so unconscious of what they do. And the _noise_: after all, +why should it _disturb_ a man? He knows the exact cause of it: he knows +that it is the unavoidable consequence of a great good to his child, and +of course to him: it lasts but an hour, and the recompense instantly +comes in the looks of the rosy child, and in the new hopes which every +look excites. It never disturbed _me_, and my occupation was one of +those most liable to disturbance by noise. Many a score papers have I +written amidst the noise of children, and in my whole life never bade +them be still. When they grew up to be big enough to gallop about the +house, I have, in wet weather, when they could not go out, written the +whole day amidst noise that would have made some authors half mad. It +never annoyed me at all. But a Scotch piper, whom an old lady, who lived +beside us at Brompton, used to pay to come and play _a long_ tune every +day, I was obliged to bribe into a breach of contract. That which you +are _pleased with_, however noisy, does not disturb you. That which is +indifferent to you has not more effect. The rattle of coaches, the +clapper of a mill, the fall of water, leave your mind undisturbed. But +the sound of the _pipe_, awakening the idea of the lazy life of the +piper, better paid than the labouring man, drew the mind aside from its +pursuit; and, as it really was a _nuisance_, occasioned by the money of +my neighbour, I thought myself justified in abating it by the same sort +of means. + +259. The _cradle_ is in poor families necessary; because necessity +compels the mother to get as much time as she can for her work, and a +child can rock the cradle. At first we had a cradle; and I rocked the +cradle, in great part, during the time that I was writing my first work, +that famous MAÎTRE D'ANGLAIS, which has long been the first book in +Europe, as well as in America, for teaching of French people the English +language. But we left off the use of the cradle as soon as possible. It +causes sleep more, and oftener, than necessary: it saves trouble; but to +take trouble was our duty. After the second child, we had no cradle, +however difficult at first to do without it. When I was not at my +business, it was generally my affair to put the child to sleep: +sometimes by sitting with it in my arms, and sometimes by lying down on +a bed with it, till it fell asleep. We soon found the good of this +method. The children did not sleep so much, but they slept more soundly. +The cradle produces a sort of _dosing_, or dreaming sleep. This is a +matter of great importance, as every thing must be that has any +influence on the health of children. The poor must use the cradle, at +least until they have other children big enough to hold the baby, and to +put it to sleep; and it is truly wonderful at how early an age they, +either girls or boys, will do this business faithfully and well. You see +them in the lanes, and on the skirts of woods and commons, lugging a +baby about, when it sometimes weighs half as much as the nurse. The poor +mother is frequently compelled, in order to help to get bread for her +children, to go to a distance from home, and leave the group, baby and +all, to take care of the house and of themselves, the eldest of four or +five, not, perhaps, above six or seven years old; and it is quite +surprising, that, considering the millions of instances in which this is +done in England, in the course of a year, so very, very few accidents or +injuries arise from the practice; and not a hundredth part so many as +arise in the comparatively few instances in which children are left to +the care of servants. In summer time you see these little groups rolling +about up the green, or amongst the heath, not far from the cottage, and +at a mile, perhaps, from any other dwelling, the dog their only +protector. And what fine and straight and healthy and fearless and acute +persons they become! It used to be remarked in Philadelphia, when I +lived there, that there was not a single man of any eminence, whether +doctor, lawyer, merchant, trader, or any thing else, that had not been +born and bred in the country, and of parents in a low state of life. +Examine London, and you will find it much about the same. From this very +childhood they are from necessity _entrusted with the care of something +valuable_. They practically learn to think, and to calculate as to +consequences. They are thus taught to remember things; and it is quite +surprising what memories they have, and how scrupulously a little +carter-boy will deliver half-a-dozen messages, each of a different +purport from the rest, to as many persons, all the messages committed to +him at one and the same time, and he not knowing one letter of the +alphabet from another. When I want to _remember_ something, and am out +in the field, and cannot write it down, I say to one of the men, or +boys, come to me at such a time, and tell me so and so. He is _sure_ to +do it; and I therefore look upon the _memorandum_ as written down. One +of these children, boy or girl, is much more worthy of being entrusted +with the care of a baby, any body's baby, than a servant-maid with +curled locks and with eyes rolling about for admirers. The locks and the +rolling eyes, very nice, and, for aught I know, very proper things in +themselves; but incompatible with the care of _your_ baby, Ma'am; her +mind being absorbed in contemplating the interesting circumstances which +are to precede her having a sweet baby of her own; and a _sweeter_ than +yours, if you please, Ma'am; or, at least, such will be her +anticipations. And this is all right enough; it is natural that she +should think and feel thus; and knowing this, you are admonished that it +is your bounden duty not to delegate this sacred trust to any body. + +260. The _courage_, of which I have spoken, so necessary in the case of +washing the children in spite of their screaming remonstrances, is, if +possible, more necessary in cases of illness, requiring the application +of _medicine_, or of _surgical_ means of cure. Here the heart is put to +the test indeed! Here is anguish to be endured by a mother, who has to +force down the nauseous physic, or to apply the tormenting plaster! Yet +it is the mother, or the father, and more properly the former, who is to +perform this duty of exquisite pain. To no nurse, to no hireling, to no +alien hand, ought, if possible to avoid it, this task to be committed. I +do not admire those mothers who are _too tender-hearted_ to inflict this +pain on their children, and who, therefore, leave it to be inflicted by +others. Give me the mother who, while the tears stream down her face, +has the resolution scrupulously to execute, with her own hands, the +doctor's commands. Will a servant, will any hireling, do this? Committed +to such hands, the _least trouble_ will be preferred to the greater: the +thing will, in general, not be half done; and if done, the suffering +from such hands is far greater in the mind of the child than if it came +from the hands of the mother. In this case, above all others, there +ought to be no delegation of the parental office. Here life or limb is +at stake; and the parent, man or woman, who, in any one point, can +neglect his or her duty here, is unworthy of the name of parent. And +here, as in all the other instances, where goodness in the parents +towards the children gives such weight to their advice when the children +grow up, what a motive to filial gratitude! The children who are old +enough to deserve and remember, will witness this proof of love and +self-devotion in their mother. Each of them feels that she has done the +same towards them all; and they love her and admire and revere her +accordingly. + +261. This is the place to state my opinions, and the result of my +experience, with regard to that fearful disease the SMALL-POX; a +subject, too, to which I have paid great attention. I was always, from +the very first mention of the thing, opposed to the Cow-Pox scheme. If +efficacious in preventing the Small-Pox, I objected to it merely on the +score of its _beastliness_. There are some things, surely, more hideous +than death, and more resolutely to be avoided; at any rate, more to be +avoided than the mere _risk_ of suffering death. And, amongst other +things, I always reckoned that of a parent causing the blood, and the +diseased blood too, of a beast to be put into the veins of human beings, +and those beings the children of that parent. I, therefore, as will be +seen in the pages of the Register of that day, most strenuously opposed +the giving _of twenty thousand pounds_ to JENNER _out of the taxes_, +paid in great part by the working people, which I deemed and asserted to +be a scandalous waste of the public money. + +262. I contended, that this beastly application _could not, in nature, +be efficacious in preventing the Small-Pox_; and that, even if +efficacious for that purpose, _it was wholly unnecessary_. The truth of +the former of these assertions has now been proved _in thousands upon +thousands of instances_. For a long time, for _ten years_, the contrary +was boldly and brazenly asserted. This nation is fond of quackery of all +sorts; and this particular quackery having been sanctioned by King, +Lords and Commons, it spread over the country like a pestilence borne by +the winds. Speedily sprang up the 'ROYAL _Jennerian Institution_,' and +Branch Institutions, issuing from the parent trunk, set instantly to +work, impregnating the veins of the rising and enlightened generation +with the beastly matter. 'Gentlemen and Ladies' made the commodity a +pocket-companion; and if a cottager's child (in Hampshire at least), +even seen by them, on a common, were not pretty quick in taking to its +heels, it had to carry off more or less of the disease of the cow. One +would have thought, that one-half of the cows in England must have been +_tapped_ to get at such a quantity of the stuff. + +263. In the midst of all this mad work, to which the doctors, after +having found it in vain to resist, had yielded, the _real small-pox_, in +its worst form, broke out in the town of RINGWOOD, in HAMPSHIRE, and +carried off, I believe (I have not the account at hand), _more than a +hundred persons_, young and old, _every one of whom had had the cow-pox +'so nicely_!' And what was now said? Was the quackery exploded, and were +the granters of the twenty thousand pounds ashamed of what they had +done? Not at all: the failure was imputed to _unskilful operators_; to +the _staleness of the matter_; to its not being of the _genuine +quality_. Admitting all this, the scheme stood condemned; for the great +advantages held forth were, that _any body_ might perform the operation, +and that the _matter_ was _every where abundant_ and cost-free. But +these were paltry excuses; the mere shuffles of quackery; for what do we +know now? Why, that in _hundreds_ of instances, persons cow-poxed by +JENNER HIMSELF, have taken the real small-pox afterwards, and have +either died from the disorder, or narrowly escaped with their lives! I +will mention two instances, the parties concerned being living and +well-known, one of them to the whole nation, and the other to a very +numerous circle in the higher walks of life. The first is Sir RICHARD +PHILLIPS, so well known by his able writings, and equally well known by +his exemplary conduct as Sheriff of London, and by his life-long labours +in the cause of real charity and humanity. Sir Richard had, I think, two +sons, whose veins were impregnated by the _grantee himself_. At any rate +he had one, who had, several years after Jenner had given him the +insuring matter, a very hard struggle for his life, under the hands of +the good, old-fashioned, seam-giving, and dimple-dipping small-pox. The +second is PHILIP CODD, Esq., formerly of Kensington, and now of Rumsted +Court, near Maidstone, in Kent, who has a son that had a very narrow +escape under the real small-pox, about four years ago, and who also had +been cow-poxed _by Jenner himself_. This last-mentioned gentleman I have +known, and most sincerely respected, from the time of our both being +about eighteen years of age. When the young gentleman, of whom I am now +speaking, was very young, I having him upon my knee one day, asked his +kind and excellent mother, whether he had been _inoculated_. 'Oh, no!' +said she, 'we are going to have him _vaccinated_.' Whereupon I, going +into the garden to the father, said, 'I do hope, Codd, that you are not +going to have that beastly cow-stuff put into that fine boy.' 'Why,' +said he, 'you see, Cobbett, it is to be done by _Jenner himself_.' What +answer I gave, what names and epithets I bestowed upon Jenner and his +quackery, I will leave the reader to imagine. + +264. Now, here are instances enough; but, every reader has heard of, if +not seen, scores of others. Young Mr. Codd caught the small-pox at a +_school_; and if I recollect rightly, there were several other +'vaccinated' youths who did the same, at the same time. Quackery, +however, has always a shuffle left. Now that the cow-pox has been +_proved_ to be no _guarantee_ against the small-pox, it makes it' +_milder_' when it comes! A pretty shuffle, indeed, this! You are to be +_all your life in fear of it_, having as your sole consolation, that +when it comes (and it may overtake you in a _camp_, or on the _seas_), +it will be '_milder_!' It was not too mild to _kill_ at RINGWOOD; and +its _mildness_, in case of young Mr. Codd, did not restrain it from +_blinding him_ for a suitable number of days. I shall not easily forget +the alarm and anxiety of the father and mother upon this occasion; both +of them the best of parents, and both of them now punished for having +yielded to this fashionable quackery. I will not say, _justly_ punished; +for affection for their children, in which respect they were never +surpassed by any parents on earth, was the cause of their listening to +the danger-obviating quackery. This, too, is the case with other +parents; but parents should be under the influence of _reason_ and +_experience_, as well as under that of affection; and _now_, at any +rate, they ought to set this really dangerous quackery at nought. + +265. And, what does _my own experience_ say on the other side? There are +my seven children, the sons as tall, or nearly so, as their father, and +the daughters as tall as their mother; all, in due succession, +inoculated with the good old-fashioned face-tearing small-pox; neither +of them with a single mark of that disease on their skins; neither of +them having been, that we could perceive, _ill for a single hour_, in +consequence of the inoculation. When we were in the United States, we +observed that the Americans were _never marked_ with the small-pox; or, +if such a thing were seen, it was very rarely. The cause we found to be, +the universal practice of having the children inoculated _at the +breast_, and, generally, at _a month_ or _six weeks old_. When we came +to have children, we did the same. I believe that some of ours have been +a few months old when the operation has been performed, but always while +_at the breast_, and as early as possible after the expiration of six +weeks from the birth; sometimes put off a little while by some slight +disorder in the child, or on account of some circumstance or other; but, +with these exceptions, done at, or before, the end of six weeks from the +birth, and _always at the breast_. All is then _pure_: there is nothing +in either body or mind to favour the natural fury of the disease. We +always took particular care about the _source_ from which the infectious +matter came. We employed medical men, in whom we could place perfect +confidence: we had their _solemn word_ for the matter coming from some +_healthy child_; and, at last, we had sometimes to _wait_ for this, the +cow-affair having rendered patients of this sort rather rare. + +266. While the child has the small-pox, the mother should abstain from +food and drink, which she may require at other times, but which might be +too gross just now. To suckle a hearty child requires good living; for, +besides that this is necessary to the mother, it is also necessary to +the child. A little forbearance, just at this time, is prudent; making +the diet as simple as possible, and avoiding all violent agitation +either of the body or the spirits; avoiding too, if you can, _very hot_ +or _very cold_ weather. + +267. There is now, however, this inconvenience, that the far greater +part of the present young women have been _be-Jennered_; so that they +may _catch the beauty-killing disease from their babies_! To hearten +them up, however, and more especially, I confess, to record a trait of +maternal affection and of female heroism, which I have never heard of +any thing to surpass, I have the pride to say, that my wife had eight +children inoculated at her breast, and _never had the small-pox in her +life_. I, at first, objected to the inoculating of the child, but she +insisted upon it, and with so much pertinacity that I gave way, on +condition that she would be inoculated too. This was done with three or +four of the children, I think, she always being reluctant to have it +done, saying that it looked like distrusting the goodness of God. There +was, to be sure, very little in this argument; but the long experience +wore away the alarm; and there she is now, having had eight children +hanging at her breast with that desolating disease in them, and she +never having been affected by it from first to last. All her children +knew, of course, the risk that she voluntarily incurred for them. They +all have this indubitable proof, that she valued their lives above her +own; and is it in nature, that they should ever wilfully do any thing to +wound the heart of that mother; and must not her bright example have +great effect on their character and conduct! Now, my opinion is, that +the far greater part of English or American women, if placed in the +above circumstances, would do just the same thing; and I do hope, that +those, who have yet to be mothers, will seriously think of putting an +end, as they have the power to do, to the disgraceful and dangerous +quackery, the evils of which I have so fully proved. + +268. But there is, in the management of babies, something besides life, +health, strength and beauty; and something too, without which all these +put together are nothing worth; and that is _sanity of mind_. There are, +owing to various causes, some who are _born_ ideots; but a great many +more become insane from the misconduct, or neglect, of parents; and, +generally, from the children being committed to the care of _servants_. +I knew, in Pennsylvania, a child, as fine, and as sprightly, and as +intelligent a child as ever was born, made an ideot for life by being, +when about three years old, shut into a dark closet, by a maid servant, +in order to terrify it into silence. The thoughtless creature first +menaced it with sending it to '_the bad place_,' as the phrase is there; +and, at last, to reduce it to silence, put it into the closet, shut the +door, and went out of the room. She went back, in a few minutes, and +found the child in _a fit_. It recovered from that, but was for life an +ideot. When the parents, who had been out two days and two nights on a +visit of pleasure, came home, they were told that the child had had _a +fit_; but, they were not told the cause. The girl, however, who was a +neighbour's daughter, being on her death-bed about ten years afterwards, +could not die in peace without sending for the mother of the child (now +become a young man) and asking forgiveness of her. The mother herself +was, however, the greatest offender of the two: a whole lifetime of +sorrow and of mortification was a punishment too light for her and her +husband. Thousands upon thousands of human beings have been deprived of +their senses by these and similar means. + +269. It is not long since that we read, in the newspapers, of a child +being absolutely _killed_, at Birmingham, I think it was, by being thus +frightened. The parents had gone out into what is called an evening +party. The servants, naturally enough, had their party at home; and the +mistress, who, by some unexpected accident, had been brought home at an +early hour, finding the parlour full of company, ran up stairs to see +about her child, about two or three years old. She found it with its +eyes open, but _fixed_; touching it, she found it inanimate. The doctor +was sent for in vain: it was quite dead. The maid affected to know +nothing of the cause; but some one of the parties assembled discovered, +pinned up to the curtains of the bed, _a horrid figure_, made up partly +of a frightful mask! This, as the wretched girl confessed, had been done +to keep the child _quiet_, while she was with her company below. When +one reflects on the anguish that the poor little thing must have +endured, before the life was quite frightened out of it, one can find no +terms sufficiently strong to express the abhorrence due to the +perpetrator of this crime, which was, in fact, a cruel murder; and, if +it was beyond the reach of the law, it was so and is so, because, as in +the cases of parricide, the law, in making no provision for punishment +peculiarly severe, has, out of respect to human nature, supposed such +crimes to be _impossible_. But if the girl was criminal; if death, or a +life of remorse, was her due, what was the due of her parents, and +especially of the mother! And what was the due of the _father_, who +suffered that mother, and who, perhaps, tempted her to neglect her most +sacred duty! + +270. If this poor child had been deprived of its mental faculties, +instead of being deprived of its life, the cause would, in all +likelihood, never have been discovered. The insanity would have been +ascribed to '_brain-fever_,' or to some other of the usual causes of +insanity; or, as in thousands upon thousands of instances, to some +unaccountable cause. When I was, in No. IX., paragraphs from 227 to 233, +both inclusive, maintaining with all my might, the unalienable right of +the child to the milk of its mother, I omitted, amongst the evils +arising from banishing the child from the mother's breast, to mention, +or, rather, it had never occurred to me to mention, the _loss of reason_ +to the poor, innocent creatures, thus banished. And now, as connected +with this measure, I have an argument of _experience_, enough to terrify +every young man and woman upon earth from the thought of committing this +offence against nature. I wrote No. IX. at CAMBRIDGE, on Sunday, the +28th of March; and before I quitted SHREWSBURY, on the 14th of May, the +following facts reached my ears. A very respectable tradesman, who, with +his wife, have led a most industrious life, in a town that it is not +necessary to name, said to a gentleman that told it to me: 'I wish to +God I had read No. IX. of Mr. Cobbett's ADVICE TO YOUNG MEN fifteen +years ago!' He then related, that he had had ten children, _all put out +to be suckled_, in consequence of the necessity of his having the +mother's assistance to carry on his business; and that _two out of the +ten_ had come home _ideots_; though the rest were all sane, and though +insanity had never been known in the family of either father or mother! +These parents, whom I myself saw, are very clever people, and the wife +singularly industrious and expert in her affairs. + +271. Now the _motive_, in this case, unquestionably was good; it was +that the mother's valuable time might, as much as possible, be devoted +to the earning of a competence for her children. But, alas! what is this +competence to these two unfortunate beings! And what is the competence +to the rest, when put in the scale against the mortification that they +must, all their lives, suffer on account of the insanity of their +brother and sister, exciting, as it must, in all their circle, and even +in _themselves_, suspicions of their own perfect soundness of mind! When +weighed against this consideration, what is all the wealth in the world! +And as to the parents, where are they to find compensation for such a +calamity, embittered additionally, too, by the reflection, that it was +in their power to prevent it, and that nature, with loud voice, cried +out to them to prevent it! MONEY! Wealth acquired in consequence of this +banishment of these poor children; these victims of this, I will not +call it avarice, but over-eager love of gain! wealth, thus acquired! +What wealth can console these parents for the loss of reason in these +children! Where is the father and the mother, who would not rather see +their children ploughing in other men's fields, and sweeping other men's +houses, than led about parks or houses of their own, objects of pity +even of the menials procured by their wealth? + +272. If what I have now said be not sufficient to deter a man from +suffering _any_ consideration, _no matter what_, to induce him to +_delegate_ the care of his children, when very young, to _any body +whomsoever_, nothing that I can say can possibly have that effect; and I +will, therefore, now proceed to offer my advice with regard to the +management of children when they get beyond the danger of being crazed +or killed by nurses or servants. + +273. We here come to the subject of _education_ in the _true sense_ of +that word, which is _rearing up_, seeing that the word comes from the +Latin _educo_, which means to _breed up_, or to _rear up_. I shall, +afterwards, have to speak of _education_ in the now common acceptation +of the word, which makes it mean, _book-learning_. At present, I am to +speak of _education_ in its true sense, as the French (who, as well as +we, take the word from the Latin) always use it. They, in their +agricultural works, talk of the 'éducation du Cochon, de l'Alouette, +&c.,' that is of the _hog_, the _lark_, and so of other animals; that is +to say, of the manner of breeding them, or rearing them up, from their +being little things till they be of full size. + +274. The first thing, in the rearing of children, who have passed from +the baby-state, is, as to the _body_, plenty of _good food_; and, as to +the _mind_, constant _good example in the parents_. Of the latter I +shall speak more by-and-by. With regard to the former, it is of the +greatest importance, that children be well fed; and there never was a +greater error than to believe that they do not need good food. Every one +knows, that to have fine horses, the _colts_ must be kept well, and that +it is the same with regard to all animals of every sort and kind. The +fine horses and cattle and sheep all come from the _rich pastures_. To +have them fine, it is not sufficient that they have _plenty of food_ +when young, but that they have _rich food_. Were there no land, no +pasture, in England, but such as is found in Middlesex, Essex, and +Surrey, we should see none of those coach-horses and dray-horses, whose +height and size make us stare. It is the _keep when young_ that makes +the fine animal. + +275. There is no other reason for the people in the American States +being generally so much taller and stronger than the people in England +are. Their forefathers went, for the greater part, from England. In the +four Northern States they went wholly from England, and then, on their +landing, they founded a new London, a new Falmouth, a new Plymouth, a +new Portsmouth, a new Dover, a new Yarmouth, a new Lynn, a new Boston, +and a new Hull, and the country itself they called, and their +descendants still call, NEW ENGLAND. This country of the best and +boldest seamen, and of the most moral and happy people in the world, is +also the country of the tallest and ablest-bodied men in the world. And +why? Because, from their very birth, they have an _abundance_ of _good_ +food; not only of _food_, but of _rich_ food. Even when the child is at +the breast, a strip of _beef-stake_, or something of that description, +as big and as long as one's finger, is put into its hand. When a baby +gets a thing in its hand, the first thing it does is to poke some part +of it into its mouth. It cannot _bite_ the meat, but its gums squeeze +out the juice. When it has done with the breast, it eats meat constantly +twice, if not thrice, a day. And this abundance of _good_ food is the +cause, to be sure, of the superior size and strength of the people of +that country. + +276. Nor is this, in any point of view, an unimportant matter. A tall +man is, whether as labourer, carpenter, bricklayer, soldier or sailor, +or almost anything else, _worth more_ than a short man: he can look over +a higher thing; he can reach higher and wider; he can move on from place +to place faster; in mowing grass or corn he takes a wider swarth, in +pitching he wants a shorter prong; in making buildings he does not so +soon want a ladder or a scaffold; in fighting he keeps his body farther +from the point of his sword. To be sure, a man _may_ be tall and _weak_; +but, this is the exception and not the rule: _height_ and _weight_ and +_strength_, in men as in speechless animals, generally go together. Aye, +and in enterprise and courage too, the powers of the body have a great +deal to do. Doubtless there are, have been, and always will be, great +numbers of small and enterprizing and brave men; but it is _not in +nature_, that, _generally speaking_, those who are conscious of their +inferiority in point of bodily strength, should possess the boldness of +those who have a contrary description. + +277. To what but this difference in the _size_ and _strength_ of the +opposing combatants are we to ascribe the ever-to-be-blushed-at events +of our last war against the United States! The _hearts_ of our seamen +and soldiers were as good as those of the Yankees: on both sides they +had sprung from the same stock: on both sides equally well supplied with +all the materials of war: if on either side, the superior skill was on +ours: French, Dutch, Spaniards, all had confessed our superior prowess: +yet, when, with our whole undivided strength, and to that strength +adding the flush and pride of victory and conquest, crowned even in the +capital of France; when, with all these tremendous advantages, and with +all the nations of the earth looking on, we came foot to foot and +yard-arm to yard-arm with the Americans, the result was such as an +English pen refuses to describe. What, then, was the _great cause_ of +this result, which filled us with shame and the world with astonishment? +Not the want of _courage_ in our men. There were, indeed, _some moral +causes at work_; but the main cause was, the great superiority of size +and of bodily strength on the part of the enemy's soldiers and sailors. +It was _so many men_ on each side; but it was men of a different size +and strength; and, on the side of the foe, men accustomed to daring +enterprise from a consciousness of that strength. + +278. Why are abstinence and fasting enjoined by the Catholic Church? +Why, to make men _humble_, _meek_, and _tame_; and they have this effect +too: this is visible in whole nations as well as in individuals. So that +good food, and plenty of it, is not more necessary to the forming of a +stout and able body than to the forming of an active and enterprizing +spirit. Poor food, short allowance, while they check the growth of the +child's body, check also the daring of the mind; and, therefore, the +starving or pinching system ought to be avoided by all means. Children +should eat _often_, and as much as they like at a time. They will, if at +full heap, never take, of _plain food_, more than it is good for them to +take. They may, indeed, be stuffed with _cakes_ and _sweet things_ till +they be ill, and, indeed, until they bring on dangerous disorders: but, +of _meat plainly_ and _well cooked_, and of _bread_, they will never +swallow the tenth part of an ounce more than it is necessary for them to +swallow. Ripe fruit, or cooked fruit, if no _sweetening_ take place, +will never hurt them; but, when they once get a taste for sugary stuff, +and to cram down loads of garden vegetables; when ices, creams, tarts, +raisins, almonds, all the endless pamperings come, the _doctor_ must +soon follow with his drugs. The blowing out of the bodies of children +with tea, coffee, soup, or warm liquids of any kind, is very bad: these +have an effect precisely like that which is produced by feeding young +rabbits, or pigs, or other young animals upon watery vegetables: it +makes them big-bellied and bare-boned at the same time; and it +effectually prevents the frame from becoming strong. Children in health +want no drink other than skim milk, or butter-milk, or whey; and, if +none of those be at hand, water will do very well, provided they have +plenty of _good meat_. Cheese and butter do very well for part of the +day. Puddings and pies; but always _without sugar_, which, say what +people will about the _wholesomeness_ of it, is not only of _no use_ in +the rearing of children, but injurious: it forces an appetite: like +strong drink, it makes daily encroachments on the taste: it wheedles +down that which the stomach does not want: it finally produces illness: +it is one of the curses of the country; for it, by taking off the bitter +of the tea and coffee, is the great cause of sending down into the +stomach those quantities of warm water by which the body is debilitated +and deformed and the mind enfeebled. I am addressing myself to persons +in the middle walk of life; but no parent can be _sure_ that his child +will not be compelled to labour hard for its daily bread: and then, how +vast is the difference between one who has been pampered with sweets and +one who has been reared on plain food and simple drink! + +279. The next thing after good and plentiful and plain food is _good +air_. This is not within the reach of every one; but, to obtain it is +worth great sacrifices in other respects. We know that there are +_smells_ which will cause _instant death_; we know, that there are +others which will cause death _in a few years_; and, therefore, we know +that it is the duty of parents to provide, if possible, against this +danger to the health of their offspring. To be sure, when a man is so +situated that he cannot give his children sweet air without putting +himself into a jail for debt: when, in short, he has the dire choice of +sickly children, children with big heads, small limbs, and ricketty +joints: or children sent to the poor-house: when this is his hard lot, +he must decide for the former sad alternative: but before he will +convince me that this _is_ his lot, he must prove to me, that he and his +wife expend not a penny in the _decoration_ of their persons; that on +his table, morning, noon, or night, _nothing_ ever comes that is not the +produce of _English soil_; that of his time not one hour is wasted in +what is called pleasure; that down his throat not one drop or morsel +ever goes, unless necessary to sustain life and health. How many scores +and how many hundreds of men have I seen; how many thousands could I go +and point out, to-morrow, in London, the money expended on whose +guzzlings in porter, grog and wine, would keep, and keep well, in the +country, a considerable part of the year, a wife surrounded by healthy +children, instead of being stewed up in some alley, or back room, with a +parcel of poor creatures about her, whom she, though their fond mother, +is almost ashamed to call hers! Compared with the life of such a woman, +that of the labourer, however poor, is paradise. Tell me not of the +necessity of _providing money for them_, even if you waste not a +farthing: you can provide them with no money equal in value to health +and straight limbs and good looks: these it is, if within your power, +your _bounden duty_ to provide for them: as to providing them with +money, you deceive yourself; it is your own avarice, or vanity, that you +are seeking to gratify, and not to ensure the good of your children. +Their most precious possession is _health_ and _strength_; and you have +_no right_ to run the risk of depriving them of these for the sake of +heaping together money to bestow on them: you have the desire to see +them rich: it is to gratify _yourself_ that you act in such a case; and +you, however you may deceive yourself, are guilty of _injustice_ towards +them. You would be ashamed to see them _without fortune_; but not at all +ashamed to see them without straight limbs, without colour in their +cheeks, without strength, without activity, and with only half their due +portion of reason. + +280. Besides _sweet air_, children want _exercise_. Even when they are +babies in arms, they want tossing and pulling about, and want talking +and singing to. They should be put upon their feet by slow degrees, +according to the strength of their legs; and this is a matter which a +good mother will attend to with incessant care. If they appear to be +likely to _squint_, she will, always when they wake up, and frequently +in the day, take care to present some pleasing object _right before_, +and _never on the side_ of their face. If they appear, when they begin +to talk, to indicate a propensity to _stammer_, she will stop them, +repeat the word or words slowly herself, and get them to do the same. +These precautions are amongst the most sacred of the duties of parents; +for, remember, the deformity is _for life_; a thought which will fill +every good parent's heart with solicitude. All _swaddling_ and _tight +covering_ are mischievous. They produce distortions of some sort or +other. To let children creep and roll about till they get upon their +legs of themselves is a very good way. I never saw a _native American_ +with crooked limbs or hump-back, and never heard any man say that he had +seen one. And the reason is, doubtless, the loose dress in which +children, from the moment of their birth, are kept, the good food that +they always have, and the sweet air that they breathe in consequence of +the absence of all dread of poverty on the part of the parents. + +281. As to bodily exercise, they will, when they begin to get about, +take, if you let them alone, just as much of it as nature bids them, and +no more. That is a pretty deal, indeed, if they be in health; and, it is +your duty, now, to provide for their taking of that exercise, when they +begin to be what are called _boys_ and _girls_, in a way that shall tend +to give them the greatest degree of pleasure, accompanied with the +smallest risk of pain: in other words, to _make their lives as pleasant +as you possibly can_. I have always admired the sentiment of ROUSSEAU +upon this subject. 'The boy dies, perhaps, at the age of ten or twelve. +Of what _use_, then, all the restraints, all the privations, all the +pain, that you have inflicted upon him? He falls, and leaves your mind +to brood over the possibility of your having abridged a life so dear to +you.' I do not recollect the very words; but the passage made a deep +impression upon my mind, just at the time, too, when I was about to +become a father; and I was resolved never to bring upon myself remorse +from such a cause; a resolution from which no importunities, coming from +what quarter they might, ever induced me, in one single instance, or for +one single moment, to depart. I was resolved to forego all the means of +making money, all the means of living in any thing like fashion, all the +means of obtaining fame or distinction, to give up every thing, to +become a common labourer, rather than make my children lead a life of +restraint and rebuke; I could not be _sure_ that my children would love +me as they loved their own lives; but I was, at any rate, resolved to +deserve such love at their hands; and, in possession of that, I felt +that I could set calamity, of whatever description, at defiance. + +282. Now, proceeding to relate what was, in this respect, my line of +conduct, I am not pretending that _every_ man, and particularly every +man living in _a town_, can, in all respects, do as I did in the rearing +up of children. But, in many respects, any man may, whatever may be his +state of life. For I did not lead an idle life; I had to work constantly +for the means of living; my occupation required unremitted attention; I +had nothing but my labour to rely on; and I had no friend, to whom, in +case of need, I could fly for assistance: I always saw the possibility, +and even the probability, of being totally ruined by the hand of power; +but, happen what would, I was resolved, that, as long as I could cause +them to do it, my children should lead happy lives; and happy lives they +did lead, if ever children did in this whole world. + +283. The first thing that I did, when the fourth child had come, was to +_get into the country_, and so far as to render a going backward and +forward to London, at short intervals, quite out of the question. Thus +was _health_, the greatest of all things, provided for, as far as I was +able to make the provision. Next, my being _always at home_ was secured +as far as possible; always with them to set an example of early rising, +sobriety, and application to something or other. Children, and +especially boys, will have some out-of-door pursuits; and it was my duty +to lead them to choose such pursuits as combined future utility with +present innocence. Each his flower-bed, little garden, plantation of +trees; rabbits, dogs, asses, horses, pheasants and hares; hoes, spades, +whips, guns; always some object of lively interest, and as much +_earnestness_ and _bustle_ about the various objects as if our living +had solely depended upon them. I made everything give way to the great +object of making their lives happy and innocent. I did not know what +they might be in time, or what might be my lot; but I was resolved not +to be the cause of their being unhappy _then_, let what might become of +us afterwards. I was, as I am, of opinion, that it is injurious to the +mind to press _book-learning_ upon it at an _early age_: I always felt +pain for poor little things, set up, before 'company,' to repeat verses, +or bits of plays, at six or eight years old. I have sometimes not known +which way to look, when a mother (and, too often, a father), whom I +could not but respect on account of her fondness for her child, has +forced the feeble-voiced eighth wonder of the world, to stand with its +little hand stretched out, spouting the _soliloquy of Hamlet_, or some +such thing. I remember, on one occasion, a little pale-faced creature, +only five years old, was brought in, after the _feeding_ part of the +dinner was over, first to take his regular half-glass of vintner's +brewings, commonly called wine, and then to treat us to a display of his +wonderful genius. The subject was a speech of a robust and bold youth, +in a Scotch play, the title of which I have forgotten, but the speech +began with, 'My name is Norval: on the Grampian Hills my father fed his +flocks...' And this in a voice so weak and distressing as to put me in +mind of the plaintive squeaking of little pigs when the sow is lying on +them. As we were going home (one of my boys and I) he, after a silence +of half a mile perhaps, rode up close to the side of my horse, and said, +'Papa, where _be_ the _Grampian Hills_?' 'Oh,' said I, 'they are in +Scotland; poor, barren, beggarly places, covered with heath and rushes, +ten times as barren as Sherril Heath.' 'But,' said he, 'how could that +little boy's father feed _his flocks_ there, then?' I was ready to +tumble off the horse with laughing. + +284. I do not know any thing much more distressing to the spectators +than exhibitions of this sort. Every one feels, not for the child, for +it is insensible to the uneasiness it excites, but for the parents, +whose amiable fondness displays itself in this ridiculous manner. Upon +these occasions, no one knows what to say, or whither to direct his +looks. The parents, and especially the fond mother, looks sharply round +for the so-evidently merited applause, as an actor of the name of +MUNDEN, whom I recollect thirty years ago, used, when he had treated us +to a witty shrug of his shoulders, or twist of his chin, to turn his +face up to the gallery for the clap. If I had to declare on my oath +which have been the most disagreeable moments of my life, I verily +believe, that, after due consideration, I should fix upon those, in +which parents, whom I have respected, have made me endure exhibitions +like these; for, this is your choice, to be _insincere_, or to _give +offence_. + +285. And, as towards the child, it is to be _unjust_, thus to teach it +to set a high value on trifling, not to say mischievous, attainments; to +make it, whether it be in its natural disposition or not, vain and +conceited. The plaudits which it receives, in such cases, puffs it up in +its own thoughts, sends it out into the world stuffed with pride and +insolence, which must and will be extracted out of it by one means or +another; and none but those who have had to endure the drawing of +firmly-fixed teeth, can, I take it, have an adequate idea of the +painfulness of this operation. Now, parents have _no right_ thus to +indulge their own feelings at the risk of the happiness of their +children. + +286. The great matter is, however, the _spoiling of the mind_ by forcing +on it thoughts which it is not fit to receive. We know well, we daily +see, that in men, as well as in other animals, the body is rendered +comparatively small and feeble by being heavily loaded, or hard worked, +before it arrive at size and strength proportioned to such load and such +work. It is just so with the mind: the attempt to put old heads upon +young shoulders is just as unreasonable as it would be to expect a colt +six months old to be able to carry a man. The mind, as well as the body, +requires time to come to its strength; and the way to have it possess, +at last, its natural strength, is not to attempt to load it too soon; +and to favour it in its progress by giving to the body good and +plentiful food, sweet air, and abundant exercise, accompanied with as +little discontent or uneasiness as possible. It is universally known, +that ailments of the body are, in many cases, sufficient to _destroy_ +the mind, and to debilitate it in innumerable instances. It is equally +well known, that the torments of the mind are, in many cases, sufficient +to _destroy_ the body. This, then, being so well known, is it not the +first duty of a father to secure to his children, if possible, sound and +strong bodies? LORD BACON says, that 'a sound mind in a sound body is +the greatest of God's blessings.' To see his children possess these, +therefore, ought to be the first object with every father; an object +which I cannot too often endeavour to fix in his mind. + +287. I am to speak presently of that sort of _learning_ which is derived +from _books_, and which is a matter by no means to be neglected, or to +be thought little of, seeing that it is the road, not only to fame, but +to the means of doing great good to one's neighbours and to one's +country, and, thereby, of adding to those pleasant feelings which are, +in other words, our happiness. But, notwithstanding this, I must here +insist, and endeavour to impress my opinion upon the mind of every +father, that his children's _happiness_ ought to be _first_ object; that +_book-learning_, if it tend to militate against this, ought to be +disregarded; and that, as to money, as to fortune, as to rank and title, +that father who can, in the destination of his children, think of them +more than of the _happiness_ of those children, is, if he be of sane +mind, a great criminal. Who is there, having lived to the age of thirty, +or even twenty, years, and having the ordinary capacity for observation; +who is there, being of this description, who must not be convinced of +the inadequacy of _riches_ and what are called _honours_ to insure +_happiness_? Who, amongst all the classes of men, experience, on an +average, so little of _real_ pleasure, and so much of _real_ pain as the +rich and the lofty? Pope gives us, as the materials for happiness, +'_health_, _peace_, and _competence_.' Aye, but what _is_ peace, and +what _is_ competence? If, by _peace_, he mean that tranquillity of mind +which innocence and good deeds produce, he is right and clear so far; +for we all know that, without _health_, which has a well-known positive +meaning, there can be no happiness. But _competence_ is a word of +unfixed meaning. It may, with some, mean enough to eat, drink, wear and +be lodged and warmed with; but, with others, it may include horses, +carriages, and footmen laced over from top to toe. So that, here, we +have no guide; no standard; and, indeed, there can be none. But as every +sensible father must know that the possession of riches do not, never +did, and never can, afford even a chance of additional happiness, it is +his duty to inculcate in the minds of his children to make no sacrifice +of principle, of moral obligation of any sort, in order to obtain +riches, or distinction; and it is a duty still more imperative on him, +not to expose them to the risk of loss of health, or diminution of +strength, for purposes which have, either directly or indirectly, the +acquiring of riches in view, whether for himself or for them. + +288. With these principles immoveably implanted in my mind, I became the +father of a family, and on these principles I have reared that family. +Being myself fond of _book-learning_, and knowing well its powers, I +naturally wished them to possess it too; but never did I _impose it_ +upon any one of them. My first duty was to make them _healthy_ and +_strong_ if I could, and to give them as much enjoyment of life as +possible. Born and bred up in the sweet air myself, I was resolved that +they should be bred up in it too. Enjoying rural scenes and sports, as I +had done, when a boy, as much as any one that ever was born, I was +resolved, that they should have the same enjoyments tendered to them. +When I was a very little boy, I was, in the barley-sowing season, going +along by the side of a field, near WAVERLY ABBEY; the primroses and +blue-bells bespangling the banks on both sides of me; a thousand linnets +singing in a spreading oak over my head; while the jingle of the traces +and the whistling of the ploughboys saluted my ear from over the hedge; +and, as it were to snatch me from the enchantment, the hounds, at that +instant, having started a hare in the hanger on the other side of the +field, came up scampering over it in full cry, taking me after them many +a mile. I was not more than eight years old; but this particular scene +has presented itself to my mind many times every year from that day to +this. I always enjoy it over again; and I was resolved to give, if +possible, the same enjoyments to my children. + +289. Men's circumstances are so various; there is such a great variety +in their situations in life, their business, the extent of their +pecuniary means, the local state in which they are placed, their +internal resources; the variety in all these respects is so great, that, +as applicable to _every_ family, it would be impossible to lay down any +set of rules, or maxims, touching _every_ matter relating to the +management and rearing up of children. In giving an account, therefore, +of _my own_ conduct, in this respect, I am not to be understood as +supposing, that _every_ father _can_, or ought, to attempt to do _the +same_; but while it will be seen, that there are _many_, and these the +most important parts of that conduct, that _all_ fathers may imitate, if +they choose, there is no part of it which thousands and thousands of +fathers might not adopt and pursue, and adhere to, to the very letter. + +290. I effected every thing without scolding, and even without +_command_. My children are a family of _scholars_, each sex its +appropriate species of learning; and, I could safely take my oath, that +I never _ordered_ a child of mine, son or daughter, _to look into a +book_, in my life. My two eldest sons, when about eight years old, were, +for the sake of their health, placed for a very short time, at a +Clergyman's at MICHELDEVER, and my eldest daughter, a little older, at a +school a few miles from Botley, to avoid taking them to London in the +winter. But, with these exceptions, never had they, while children, +_teacher_ of any description; and I never, and nobody else ever, taught +any one of them to read, write, or any thing else, except in +_conversation_; and, yet, no man was ever more anxious to be the father +of a family of clever and learned persons. + +291. I accomplished my purpose _indirectly_. The first thing of all was +_health_, which was secured by the deeply-interesting and never-ending +_sports of the field_ and _pleasures of the garden_. Luckily these +things were treated of in _books_ and _pictures_ of endless variety; so +that on _wet days_, in _long evenings_, these came into play. A large, +strong table, in the middle of the room, their mother sitting at her +work, used to be surrounded with them, the baby, if big enough, set up +in a high chair. Here were ink-stands, pens, pencils, India rubber, and +paper, all in abundance, and every one scrabbled about as he or she +pleased. There were prints of animals of all sorts; books treating of +them: others treating of gardening, of flowers, of husbandry, of +hunting, coursing, shooting, fishing, planting, and, in short, of every +thing, with regard to which _we had something to do_. One would be +trying to imitate a bit of my writing, another _drawing_ the pictures of +some of our dogs or horses, a third poking over _Bewick's Quadrupeds_ +and picking out what he said about them; but our book of never-failing +resource was the _French_ MAISON RUSTIQUE, or FARM-HOUSE, which, it is +said, was the book that first tempted DUQUESNOIS (I think that was the +name), the famous physician, in the reign of Louis XIV., _to learn to +read_. Here are all the _four-legged animals_, from the horse down to +the mouse, _portraits_ and all; all the _birds_, _reptiles_, _insects_; +all the modes of rearing, managing, and using the tame ones; all the +modes of taking the wild ones, and of destroying those that are +mischievous; all the various traps, springs, nets; all the implements of +husbandry and gardening; all the labours of the field and the garden +exhibited, as well as the rest, in plates; and, there was I, in my +leisure moments, to join this inquisitive group, to read the _French_, +and tell them what it meaned in _English_, when the picture did not +sufficiently explain itself. I never have been without a copy of this +book for forty years, except during the time that I was fleeing from the +dungeons of CASTLEREAGH and SIDMOUTH, in 1817; and, when I got to Long +Island, the _first book I bought_ was another MAISON RUSTIQUE. + +292. What need had we of _schools_? What need of _teachers_? What need +of _scolding_ and _force_, to induce children to read, write, and love +books? What need of _cards, dice_, or of any _games_, to '_kill time_;' +but, in fact, to implant in the infant heart a love of _gaming_, one of +the most destructive of all human vices? We did not want to _'kill +time_;' we were always _busy_, wet weather or dry weather, winter or +summer. There was _no force_ in any case; no _command_; no _authority_; +none of these was ever wanted. To teach the children the habit of _early +rising_ was a great object; and every one knows how young people cling +to their beds, and how loth they are to go to those beds. This was a +capital matter; because, here were _industry_ and _health_ both at +stake. Yet, I avoided _command_ even here; and merely offered a +_reward_. The child that was _down stairs_ first, was called the LARK +_for that day_; and, further, _sat at my right hand at dinner_. They +soon discovered, that to rise early, they must _go to bed early_; and +thus was this most important object secured, with regard to girls as +well as boys. Nothing more inconvenient, and, indeed, more disgusting, +than to have to do with girls, or young women, who lounge in bed: 'A +little more sleep, a little more slumber, a little more folding of the +hands to sleep.' SOLOMON knew them well: he had, I dare say, seen the +breakfast cooling, carriages and horses and servants waiting, the sun +coming burning on, the day wasting, the night growing dark too early, +appointments broken, and the objects of journeys defeated; and all this +from the lolloping in bed of persons who ought to have risen with the +sun. No beauty, no modesty, no accomplishments, are a compensation for +the effects of laziness in women; and, of all the proofs of laziness, +none is so unequivocal as that of lying late in bed. Love makes men +overlook this vice (for it is a _vice_), for _a while_; but, this does +not last for life. Besides, _health_ demands early rising: the +management of a house imperiously demands it; but _health_, that most +precious possession, without which there is nothing else worth +possessing, demands it too. The _morning air_ is the most wholesome and +strengthening: even in crowded cities, men might do pretty well with the +aid of the morning air; but, how are they to _rise_ early, if they go to +bed _late_? + +293. But, to do the things I did, you must _love home_ yourself; to rear +up children in this manner, you must _live with them_; you must make +them, too, _feel_, by your conduct, that you _prefer_ this to any other +mode of passing your time. All men cannot lead this sort of life, but +many may; and all much more than many do. My occupation, to be sure, was +chiefly carried on _at home_; but, I had always enough to do; I never +spent an idle week, or even day, in my whole life. Yet I found time to +talk with them, to walk, or ride, about _with them_; and when forced to +go from home, always took one or more with me. You must be good-tempered +too with them; they must like _your_ company better than any other +person's; they must not wish you away, not fear your coming back, not +look upon your departure as a _holiday_. When my business kept me away +from the _scrabbling_-table, a petition often came, that I would go and +_talk_ with the group, and the bearer generally was the youngest, being +the most likely to succeed. When I went from home, all followed me to +the outer-gate, and looked after me, till the carriage, or horse, was +out of sight. At the time appointed for my return, all were prepared to +meet me; and if it were late at night, they sat up as long as they were +able to keep their eyes open. This love of parents, and this constant +pleasure _at home_, made them not even think of seeking pleasure abroad; +and they, thus, were kept from vicious playmates and early corruption. + +294. This is the age, too, to teach children to be _trust-worthy_, and +to be _merciful_ and _humane_. We lived _in a garden_ of about two +acres, partly kitchen-garden with walls, partly shrubbery and trees, and +partly grass. There were the _peaches_, as tempting as any that ever +grew, and yet as safe from fingers as if no child were ever in the +garden. It was not necessary to _forbid_. The blackbirds, the thrushes, +the whitethroats, and even that very shy bird the goldfinch, had their +nests and bred up their young-ones, in great abundance, all about this +little spot, constantly the play-place of six children; and one of the +latter had its nest, and brought up its young-ones, in a +_raspberry-bush_, within two yards of a walk, and at the time that we +were gathering the ripe raspberries. We give _dogs_, and justly, great +credit for sagacity and memory; but the following two most curious +instances, which I should not venture to state, if there were not so +many witnesses to the facts, in my neighbours at Botley, as well as in +my own family, will show, that _birds_ are not, in this respect, +inferior to the canine race. All country people know that the _skylark_ +is a very shy bird; that its abode is the open fields: that it settles +on the ground only; that it seeks safety in the wideness of space; that +it avoids enclosures, and is never seen in gardens. A part of our ground +was a grass-plat of about _forty rods_, or a quarter of an acre, which, +one year, was left to be mowed for hay. A pair of larks, coming out of +the fields into the middle of a pretty populous village, chose to make +their nest in the middle of this little spot, and at not more than about +_thirty-five yards_ from one of the doors of the house, in which there +were about twelve persons living, and six of those children, who had +constant access to all parts of the ground. There we saw the cock rising +up and singing, then taking his turn upon the eggs; and by-and-by, we +observed him cease to sing, and saw them both _constantly engaged in +bringing food to the young ones_. No unintelligible hint to fathers and +mothers of the human race, who have, before marriage, taken delight in +_music_. But the time came for _mowing the grass_! I waited a good many +days for the brood to get away; but, at last, I determined on the day; +and if the larks were there still, to leave a patch of grass standing +round them. In order not to keep them in dread longer than necessary, I +brought three able mowers, who would cut the whole in about an hour; and +as the plat was nearly circular, set them to mow _round_, beginning at +the outside. And now for sagacity indeed! The moment the men began to +whet their scythes, the two old larks began to flutter over the nest, +and to make a great clamour. When the men began to mow, they flew round +and round, stooping so low, when near the men, as almost to touch their +bodies, making a great chattering at the same time; but before the men +had got round with the second swarth, they flew to the nest, and away +they went, young ones and all, across the river, at the foot of the +ground, and settled in the long grass in my neighbour's orchard. + +295. The other instance relates to a HOUSE-MARTEN. It is well known that +these birds build their nests under the eaves of inhabited houses, and +sometimes under those of door porches; but we had one that built its +nest _in the house_, and upon the top of a common doorcase, the door of +which opened into a room out of the main passage into the house. +Perceiving the marten had begun to build its nest here, we kept the +front-door open in the daytime; but were obliged to fasten it at night. +It went on, had eggs, young ones, and the young ones flew. I used to +open the door in the morning early, and then the birds carried on their +affairs till night. The next _year_ the MARTEN came again, and had +_another brood in the same place_. It found its _old nest_; and having +repaired it, and put it in order, went on again in the former way; and +it would, I dare say, have continued to come to the end of its life, if +we had remained there so long, notwithstanding there were six healthy +children in the house, making just as much noise as they pleased. + +296. Now, what _sagacity_ in these birds, to discover that those were +places of safety! And how happy must it have made us, the parents, to be +_sure_ that our children had thus deeply imbibed habits the contrary of +cruelty! For, be it engraven on your heart, YOUNG MAN, that, whatever +appearances may say to the contrary, _cruelty_ is always accompanied +with _cowardice_, and also with _perfidy_, when that is called for by +the circumstances of the case; and that _habitual_ acts of cruelty to +other creatures, will, nine times out of ten, produce, when the power is +possessed, cruelty to human beings. The ill-usage of _horses_, and +particularly _asses_, is a grave and a just charge against this nation. +No other nation on earth is guilty of it to the same extent. Not only by +_blows_, but by privation, are we cruel towards these useful, docile, +and patient creatures; and especially towards the last, which is the +most docile and patient and laborious of the two, while the food that +satisfies it, is of the coarsest and least costly kind, and in quantity +so small! In the habitual ill-treatment of this animal, which, in +addition to all its labours, has the milk taken from its young ones to +administer a remedy for our ailments, there is something that bespeaks +_ingratitude_ hardly to be described. In a REGISTER that I wrote from +Long Island, I said, that amongst all the things of which I had been +bereft, I regretted no one so much as a very diminutive _mare_, on which +my children had all, in succession, learned to ride. She was become +useless for them, and, indeed, for any other purpose; but the +recollection of her was so entwined with so many past circumstances, +which, at that distance, my mind conjured up, that I really was very +uneasy, lest she should fall into cruel hands. By good luck, she was, +after a while, turned out on the wide world to shift for herself; and +when we got back, and had a place for her to _stand_ in, from her native +forest we brought her to Kensington, and she is now at Barn-Elm, about +twenty-six years old, and I dare say, as fat as a mole. Now, not only +have I no moral _right_ (considering my ability to pay for keep) to +deprive her of life; but it would be _unjust_ and _ungrateful_, in me to +withhold from her sufficient food and lodging to make life as pleasant +as possible while that life last. + +297. In the meanwhile the book-learning _crept in_ of its own accord, by +imperceptible degrees. Children naturally want to be _like_ their +parents, and _to do what they do_: the boys following their father, and +the girls their mother; and as I was always _writing_ or _reading_, mine +naturally desired to do something in the same way. But, at the same +time, they heard no talk from _fools_ or _drinkers_; saw me with no +idle, gabbling, empty companions; saw no vain and affected coxcombs, and +no tawdry and extravagant women; saw no nasty gormandizing; and heard no +gabble about play-houses and romances and the other nonsense that fit +boys to be lobby-loungers, and girls to be the ruin of industrious and +frugal young men. + +298. We wanted no stimulants of this sort to _keep up our spirits_: our +various pleasing pursuits were quite sufficient for that; and the +_book-learning_ came amongst the rest of the pleasures, to which it was, +in some sort, necessary. I remember that, one year, I raised a +prodigious crop of fine _melons_, under hand-glasses; and I learned how +to do it from a gardening _book_; or, at least, that book was necessary +to remind me of the details. Having passed part of an evening in talking +to the boys about getting this crop, 'Come,' said I, 'now, let us _read +the book_.' Then the book came forth, and to work we went, following +very strictly the precepts of the book. I read the thing but once, but +the eldest boy read it, perhaps, twenty times over; and explained all +about the matter to the others. Why here was a _motive_! Then he had to +tell the garden-labourer _what to do_ to the melons. Now, I will engage, +that more was really _learned_ by this single _lesson_, than would have +been learned by spending, at this son's age, a year at school; and he +_happy_ and _delighted_ all the while. When any dispute arose amongst +them about hunting or shooting, or any other of their pursuits, they, by +degrees, found out the way of settling it by reference to some book; and +when any difficulty occurred, as to the meaning, they referred to me, +who, if at home, _always instantly attended to them_, in these matters. + +299. They began writing by taking words out of _printed books_; finding +out which letter was which, by asking me, or asking those who knew the +letters one from another; and by imitating bits of my writing, it is +surprising how soon they began to write a hand like mine, very small, +very faint-stroked, and nearly plain as print. The first use that any +one of them made of the pen, was to _write to me_, though in the same +house with them. They began doing this in mere _scratches_, before they +knew how to make any one letter; and as I was always folding up letters +and directing them, so were they; and they were _sure_ to receive a +_prompt answer_, with most _encouraging_ compliments. All the meddlings +and teazings of friends, and, what was more serious, the pressing +prayers of their anxious mother, about sending them to _school_, I +withstood without the slightest effect on my resolution. As to friends, +preferring my own judgment to theirs, I did not care much; but an +expression of anxiety, implying a doubt of the soundness of my own +judgment, coming, perhaps, twenty times a day from her whose care they +were as well as mine, was not a matter to smile at, and very great +trouble it did give me. My answer at last was, as to the boys, I want +them to be _like me_; and as to the girls, In whose hands can they be so +safe as in _yours_? Therefore my resolution is taken: _go to school they +shall not_. + +300. Nothing is much more annoying than the _intermeddling of friends_, +in a case like this. The wife appeals _to them_, and '_good breeding_,' +that is to say, _nonsense_, is sure to put them on _her side_. Then, +they, particularly the _women_, when describing the _surprising +progress_ made by their _own sons_ at school, used, if one of mine were +present, to turn to him, and ask, to what school _he went_, and what +_he_ was _learning_? I leave any one to judge of _his_ opinion of her; +and whether _he_ would like her the better for that! 'Bless me, so tall, +and _not learned_ any thing _yet_!' 'Oh yes, he has,' I used to say, 'he +has learned to ride, and hunt, and shoot, and fish, and look after +cattle and sheep, and to work in the garden, and to feed his dogs, and +to go from village to village in the dark.' This was the way I used to +manage with troublesome customers of this sort. And how glad the +children used to be, when they got clear of such criticising people! And +how grateful they felt to me for the _protection_ which they saw that I +gave them against that state of restraint, of which other people's boys +complained! Go whither they might, they found no place so pleasant as +home, and no soul that came near them affording them so many means of +gratification as they received from me. + +301. In this happy state we lived, until the year 1810, when the +government laid its merciless fangs upon me, dragged me from these +delights, and _crammed me into a jail amongst felons_; of which I shall +have to speak more fully, when, in the last Number, I come to speak of +the duties of THE CITIZEN. This added to the difficulties of my task of +_teaching_; for now I was snatched away from the _only_ scene in which +it could, as I thought, properly be executed. But even these +difficulties were got over. The blow was, to be sure, a terrible one; +and, oh God! how was it felt by these poor children! It was in the month +of July when the horrible sentence was passed upon me. My wife, having +left her children in the care of her good and affectionate sister, was +in London, waiting to know the doom of her husband. When the news +arrived at Botley, the three boys, one eleven, another nine, and the +other seven, years old, were hoeing cabbages in that garden which had +been the source of so much delight. When the account of the savage +sentence was brought to them, the youngest could not, for some time, be +made to understand what a _jail_ was; and, when he did, he, all in a +tremor, exclaimed, 'Now I'm sure, William, that PAPA is not in a place +_like that_!' The other, in order to disguise his tears and smother his +sobs, fell to work with the hoe, and _chopped about like a blind +person_. This account, when it reached me, affected me more, filled me +with deeper resentment, than any other circumstance. And, oh! how I +despise the wretches who talk of my _vindictiveness_; of my _exultation_ +at the confusion of those who inflicted those sufferings! How I despise +the base creatures, the crawling slaves, the callous and cowardly +hypocrites, who affect to be '_shocked_' (tender souls!) at my +expressions of _joy_, and at the death of Gibbs, Ellenborough, Perceval, +Liverpool, Canning, and the rest of the tribe that I have already seen +out, and at the fatal workings of _that system_, for endeavouring to +check which I was thus punished! How I despise these wretches, and how +I, above all things, enjoy their ruin, and anticipate their utter +beggary! What! I am to forgive, am I, injuries like this; and that, too, +without any _atonement_? Oh, no! I have not so read the Holy Scriptures; +I have not, from them, learned that I am not to rejoice at the fall of +unjust foes; and it makes a part of my happiness to be able _to tell +millions of men_ that I do thus rejoice, and that I have the means of +calling on so many just and merciful men to rejoice along with me. + +302. Now, then, the _book-learning_ was _forced_ upon us. I had a _farm_ +in hand. It was necessary that I should be constantly informed of what +was doing. I gave _all the orders_, whether as to purchases, sales, +ploughing, sowing, breeding; in short, with regard to every thing, and +the things were endless in number and variety, and always full of +interest. My eldest son and daughter could now write well and fast. One +or the other of these was always at Botley; and I had with me (having +hired the best part of the keeper's house) one or two, besides either +this brother or sister; the mother coming up to town about once in two +or three months, leaving the house and children in the care of her +sister. We had a HAMPER, with a lock and two keys, which came up once a +week, or oftener, bringing me fruit and all sorts of country fare, for +the carriage of which, cost free, I was indebted to as good a man as +ever God created, the late Mr. GEORGE ROGERS, of Southampton, who, in +the prime of life, died deeply lamented by thousands, but by none more +deeply than by me and my family, who have to thank him, and the whole of +his excellent family, for benefits and marks of kindness without number. + +303. This HAMPER, which was always, at both ends of the line, looked for +with the most lively feelings, became our _school_. It brought me _a +journal_ of _labours_, _proceedings_, and _occurrences_, written on +paper of shape and size uniform, and so contrived, as to margins, as to +admit of binding. The journal used, when my son was the writer, to be +interspersed with drawings of our dogs, colts, or any thing that he +wanted me to have a correct idea of. The hamper brought me plants, +bulbs, and the like, that I might _see_ the size of them; and always +every one sent his or her _most beautiful flowers_; the earliest +violets, and primroses, and cowslips, and blue-bells; the earliest twigs +of trees; and, in short, every thing that they thought calculated to +delight me. The moment the hamper arrived, I, casting aside every thing +else, set to work to answer _every question_, to give new directions, +and to add anything likely to give pleasure at Botley. _Every_ hamper +brought one '_letter_,' as they called it, if not more, from every +child; and to _every_ letter I wrote _an answer_, sealed up and sent to +the party, being sure that that was the way to produce other and better +letters; for, though they could not read what I wrote, and though their +own consisted at first of mere _scratches_, and afterwards, for a while, +of a few words written down for them to imitate, I always thanked them +for their '_pretty letter_'; and never expressed any wish to see them +_write better_; but took care to write in a very neat and plain hand +_myself_, and to do up my letter in a very neat manner. + +304. Thus, while the ferocious tigers thought I was doomed to incessant +mortification, and to rage that must extinguish my mental powers, I +found in my children, and in their spotless and courageous and most +affectionate mother, delights to which the callous hearts of those +tigers were strangers. 'Heaven first taught letters for some wretch's +aid.' How often did this line of Pope occur to me when I opened the +little _spuddling_ 'letters' from Botley! This correspondence occupied a +good part of my time: I had all the children with me, turn and turn +about; and, in order to give the boys exercise, and to give the two +eldest an opportunity of beginning to learn French, I used, for a part +of the two years, to send them a few hours in the day to an ABBÉ, who +lived in Castle-street, Holborn. All this was a great relaxation to my +mind; and, when I had to return to my literary labours, I returned +_fresh_ and cheerful, full of vigour, and _full of hope_, of finally +seeing my unjust and merciless foes at my feet, and that, too, without +caring a straw on whom their fall might bring calamity, so that my own +family were safe; because, say what any one might, the _community, taken +as a whole_, had _suffered this thing to be done unto us_. + +305. The paying of the work-people, the keeping of the accounts, the +referring to books, the writing and reading of letters; this everlasting +mixture of amusement with book-learning, made me, almost to my own +surprise, find, at the end of the two years, that I had a parcel of +_scholars_ growing up about me; and, long before the end of the time, I +had _dictated many Registers_ to my two eldest children. Then, there was +_copying_ out of books, which taught _spelling correctly_. The +calculations about the farming affairs forced arithmetic upon us: the +_use_, the _necessity_, of the thing, led to the study. By-and-by, we +had to look into the _laws_ to know what to do about the _highways_, +about the _game_, about the _poor_, and all rural and _parochial_ +affairs. I was, indeed, by the fangs of the government, defeated in my +fondly-cherished project of making my sons farmers on their own land, +and keeping them from all temptation to seek vicious and enervating +enjoyments; but those fangs, merciless as they had been, had not been +able to prevent me from laying in for their lives a store of useful +information, habits of industry, care, sobriety, and a taste for +innocent, healthful, and manly pleasures: the fangs had made me and them +pennyless; but, they had not been able to take from us our health or our +mental possessions; and these were ready for application as +circumstances might ordain. + +306. After the age that I have now been speaking of, _fourteen_, I +suppose every one _became_ a reader and writer according to fancy. As to +_books_, with the exception of the _Poets_, I never bought, in my whole +life, any one that I did not _want_ for some purpose of _utility_, and +of _practical utility_ too. I have two or three times had the whole +collection snatched away from me; and have begun again to get them +together as they were wanted. Go and kick an ANT's nest about, and you +will see the little laborious, courageous creatures _instantly_ set to +work to get it together again; and if you do this ten times over, ten +times over they will do the same. Here is the sort of stuff that men +must be made of to oppose, with success, those who, by whatever means, +get possession of great and mischievous power. + +307. Now, I am aware, that that which _I did_, cannot be done by every +one of hundreds of thousands of fathers, each of whom loves his children +with all his soul: I am aware that the attorney, the surgeon, the +physician, the trader, and even the farmer, cannot, generally speaking, +do what I did, and that they must, in most cases, send their _sons_ to +school, if it be necessary for them to have _book-learning_. But while I +say this, I know, that there are _many things_, which I did, which many +fathers might do, and which, nevertheless, _they do not do_. It is in +the power of _every father_ to live _at home with his family_, when not +_compelled_ by business, or by public duty, to be absent: it is in his +power to set an example of industry and sobriety and frugality, and to +prevent a taste for gaming, dissipation, extravagance, from getting root +in the minds of his children: it is in his power to continue to make his +children _hearers_, when he is reproving servants for idleness, or +commending them for industry and care: it is in his power to keep all +dissolute and idly-talking companions from his house: it is in his power +to teach them, by his uniform example, justice and mercy towards the +inferior animals: it is in his power to do many other things, and +something in the way of book-learning too, however busy his life may be. +It is completely within his power to teach them early-rising and early +going to bed; and, if many a man, who says that he has _not time_ to +teach his children, were to sit down, in _sincerity_, with a pen and a +bit of paper, and put down all the minutes, which he, in every +twenty-four hours, _wastes_ over the _bottle_, or over _cheese_ and +_oranges_ and _raisins_ and _biscuits_, _after_ he has _dined_; how many +he lounges away, either at the coffee-house or at home, over the +_useless_ part of newspapers; how many he spends in waiting for the +coming and the managing of the tea-table; how many he passes by +candle-light, _wearied of his existence_, when he might be in bed; how +many he passes in the morning in bed, while the sun and dew shine and +sparkle for him in vain: if he were to put all these together, and were +to add those which he passes in the _reading of books_ for his mere +personal _amusement_, and without the smallest chance of acquiring from +them any _useful_ practical knowledge: if he were to sum up the whole of +these, and add to them the time worse than wasted in the contemptible +work of dressing off _his person_, he would be frightened at the result; +would send for his boys from school; and if greater book-learning than +he possessed were necessary, he would choose for the purpose some man of +ability, and see the teaching carried on under his own roof, with safety +as to morals, and with the best chance as to health. + +308. If after all, however, a school must be resorted to, let it, if in +your power, be as little populous as possible. As 'evil communications +corrupt good manners,' so the more numerous the assemblage, and the more +extensive the communication, the greater the chance of corruption. +_Jails, barracks, factories_, do not corrupt by their _walls_, but by +their condensed numbers. Populous cities corrupt from the same cause; +and it is, because _it must be_, the same with regard to schools, out of +which children come not what they were when they went in. The master is, +in some sort, their enemy; he is their overlooker; he is a spy upon +them; his authority is maintained by his absolute power of punishment; +_the parent commits them to that power_; to be taught is to be held in +restraint; and, as the sparks fly upwards, the teaching and the +restraint will not be divided in the estimation of the boy. Besides all +this, there is the great disadvantage of _tardiness_ in arriving at +years of discretion. If boys live only with boys, their ideas will +continue to be boyish; if they see and hear and converse with nobody but +boys, how are they to have the thoughts and the character of men? It is, +_at last_, only by hearing _men_ talk and seeing men act, that they +learn to talk and act like men; and, therefore, to confine them to the +society of boys, is to _retard_ their arrival at the years of +discretion; and in case of adverse circumstances in the pecuniary way, +where, in all the creation, is there so helpless a mortal as a boy who +has always been at school! But, if, as I said before, a school there +_must_ be, let the congregation be as small as possible; and, do not +expect too much from the master; for, if it be irksome to you to teach +your own sons, what must that teaching be to him? If he have great +numbers, he must delegate his authority; and, like all other delegated +authority, it will either be abused or neglected. + +309. With regard to _girls_, one would think that _mothers_ would want +no argument to make them shudder at the thought of committing the care +of their daughters to other hands than their own. If fortune have so +favoured them as to make them rationally desirous that their daughters +should have more of what are called accomplishments _than_ they +_themselves have_, it has also favoured them with the means of having +teachers under their own eye. If it have not favoured them so highly as +this (and it seldom has in the middle rank of life), what duty so sacred +as that imposed on a mother to be the teacher of her daughters! And is +she, from love of ease or of pleasure or of any thing else, to neglect +this duty; is she to commit her daughters to the care of persons, with +whose manners and morals it is impossible for her to be thoroughly +acquainted; is she to send them into the promiscuous society of girls, +who belong to nobody knows whom, and come from nobody knows whither, and +some of whom, for aught she can know to the contrary, may have been +corrupted before, and sent thither to be hidden from their former +circle; is she to send her daughters to be shut up within walls, the +bare sight of which awaken the idea of intrigue and invite to seduction +and surrender; is she to leave the health of her daughters to chance, to +shut them up with a motley bevy of strangers, some of whom, as is +_frequently_ the case, are proclaimed _bastards_, by the undeniable +testimony given by the _colour of their skin_; is she to do all this, +and still put forward pretensions to the authority and the affection due +to a _mother_! And, are you to permit all this, and still call yourself +_a father_! + +310. Well, then, having resolved to teach your own children, or, to have +them taught, at home, let us now see how they ought to proceed as to +_books_ for learning. It is evident, speaking of boys, that, at last, +they must study the art, or science, that you intend them to pursue; if +they be to be surgeons, they must read books on surgery; and the like in +other cases. But, there are certain _elementary_ studies; certain books +to be used by _all persons_, who are destined to acquire any +book-learning at all. Then there are departments, or branches of +knowledge, that every man in the middle rank of life, ought, if he can, +to acquire, they being, in some sort, necessary to his reputation as a +_well-informed_ man, a character to which the farmer and the shopkeeper +ought to aspire as well as the lawyer and the surgeon. Let me now, then, +offer my advice as to the _course_ of reading, and the _manner_ of +reading, for a boy, arrived at his _fourteenth_ year, that being, in my +opinion, early enough for him to begin. + +311. And, first of all, whether as to boys or girls, I deprecate +_romances_ of every description. It is impossible that they can do any +_good_, and they may do a great deal of harm. They excite passions that +ought to lie dormant; they give the mind a taste for _highly-seasoned_ +matter; they make matters of real life insipid; every girl, addicted to +them, sighs to be a SOPHIA WESTERN, and every boy, a TOM JONES. What +girl is not in love with the _wild_ youth, and what boy does not find a +justification for his wildness? What can be more pernicious than the +teachings of this celebrated romance? Here are two young men put before +us, both sons of the same mother; the one a _bastard_ (and by a parson +too), the other a _legitimate child_; the former wild, disobedient, and +squandering; the latter steady, sober, obedient, and frugal; the former +every thing that is frank and generous in his nature, the latter a +greedy hypocrite; the former rewarded with the most beautiful and +virtuous of women and a double estate, the latter punished by being made +an outcast. How is it possible for young people to read such a book, and +to look upon orderliness, sobriety, obedience, and frugality, as +_virtues_? And this is the tenor of almost every romance, and of almost +every play, in our language. In the 'School for Scandal,' for instance, +we see two brothers; the one a prudent and frugal man, and, to all +appearance, a moral man, the other a hair-brained squanderer, laughing +at the morality of his brother; the former turns out to be a base +hypocrite and seducer, and is brought to shame and disgrace; while the +latter is found to be full of generous sentiment, and Heaven itself +seems to interfere to give him fortune and fame. In short, the direct +tendency of the far greater part of these books, is, to cause young +people to despise all those virtues, without the practice of which they +must be a curse to their parents, a burden to the community, and must, +except by mere accident, lead wretched lives. I do not recollect one +romance nor one play, in our language, which has not this tendency. How +is it possible for young princes to read the historical plays of the +punning and smutty Shakspeare, and not think, that to be drunkards, +blackguards, the companions of debauchees and robbers, is the suitable +beginning of a glorious reign? + +312. There is, too, another most abominable principle that runs through +them all, namely, that there is in _high birth_, something of _superior +nature_, instinctive courage, honour, and talent. Who can look at the +two _royal youths_ in CYMBELINE, or at the _noble youth_ in DOUGLAS, +without detesting the base parasites who wrote those plays? Here are +youths, brought up by _shepherds_, never told of their origin, believing +themselves the sons of these humble parents, but discovering, when grown +up, the highest notions of valour and honour, and thirsting for military +renown, even while tending their reputed fathers' flocks and herds! And, +why this species of falsehood? To cheat the mass of the people; to keep +them in abject subjection; to make them quietly submit to despotic sway. +And the infamous authors are guilty of the cheat, because they are, in +one shape or another, paid by oppressors out of means squeezed from the +people. A _true_ picture would give us just the reverse; would show us +that '_high birth_' is the enemy of virtue, of valour, and of talent; +would show us, that with all their incalculable advantages, royal and +noble families have, only by mere accident, produced a great man; that, +in general, they have been amongst the most effeminate, unprincipled, +cowardly, stupid, and, at the very least, amongst the most useless +persons, considered as individuals, and not in connexion with the +prerogatives and powers bestowed on them solely by the law. + +313. It is impossible for me, by any words that I can use, to express, +to the extent of my thoughts, the danger of suffering young people to +form their opinions from the writings of poets and romances. Nine times +out of ten, the morality they teach is bad, and must have a bad +tendency. Their wit is employed to _ridicule virtue_, as you will almost +always find, if you examine the matter to the bottom. The world owes a +very large part of its sufferings to tyrants; but what tyrant was there +amongst the ancients, whom the poets did not place _amongst the gods_? +Can you open an English poet, without, in some part or other of his +works, finding the grossest flatteries of royal and noble persons? How +are young people not to think that the praises bestowed on these persons +are just? DRYDEN, PARNELL, GAY, THOMSON, in short, what poet have we +had, or have we, POPE only excepted, who was not, or is not, a +pensioner, or a sinecure placeman, or the wretched dependent of some +part of the Aristocracy? Of the extent of the powers of writers in +producing mischief to a nation, we have two most striking instances in +the cases of Dr. JOHNSON and BURKE. The former, at a time when it was a +question whether war should be made on America to compel her to submit +to be taxed by the English parliament, wrote a pamphlet, entitled, +'_Taxation no Tyranny_,' to urge the nation into that war. The latter, +when it was a question, whether England should wage war against the +people of France, to prevent them from reforming their government, wrote +a pamphlet to urge the nation into _that_ war. The first war lost us +America, the last cost us six hundred millions of money, and has loaded +us with forty millions a year of taxes. JOHNSON, however, got a _pension +for his life_, and BURKE a pension for his life, and for _three lives +after his own_! CUMBERLAND and MURPHY, the play-writers, were +pensioners; and, in short, of the whole mass, where has there been one, +whom the people were not compelled to pay for labours, having for their +principal object the deceiving and enslaving of that same people? It is, +therefore, the duty of every father, when he puts a book into the hands +of his son or daughter, to give the reader a true account of _who_ and +_what_ the writer of the book was, or is. + +314. If a boy be intended for any particular calling, he ought, of +course, to be induced to read books relating to that calling, if such +books there be; and, therefore, I shall not be more particular on that +head. But, there are certain things, that all men in the middle rank of +life, ought to know something of; because the knowledge will be a source +of pleasure; and because the want of it must, very frequently, give them +pain, by making them appear inferior, in point of mind, to many who are, +in fact, their inferiors in that respect. These things are _grammar, +arithmetic, history_, accompanied with _geography_ Without these, a man, +in the middle rank of life, however able he may be in his calling, makes +but an awkward figure. Without _grammar_ he cannot, with safety to his +character as a well-informed man, put his thoughts upon paper; nor can +he be _sure_, that he is speaking with propriety. How many clever men +have I known, full of natural talent, eloquent by nature, replete with +every thing calculated to give them weight in society; and yet having +little or no weight, merely because unable to put correctly upon paper +that which they have in their minds! For me not to say, that I deem _my +English Grammar_ the best book for teaching this science, would be +affectation, and neglect of duty besides; because I know, that it is the +best; because I wrote it for the purpose; and because, hundreds and +hundreds of men and women have told me, some verbally, and some by +letter, that, though (many of them) at grammar schools for years, they +really never _knew_ any thing of grammar, until they studied my book. I, +who know well all the difficulties that I experienced when I read books +upon the subject, can easily believe this, and especially when I think +of the numerous instances in which I have seen _university_-scholars +unable to write English, with any tolerable degree of correctness. In +this book, the principles are so clearly explained, that the disgust +arising from intricacy is avoided; and it is this disgust, that is the +great and mortal enemy of acquiring knowledge. + +315. With regard to ARITHMETIC, it is a branch of learning absolutely +necessary to every one, who has any pecuniary transactions beyond those +arising out of the expenditure of his week's wages. All the books on +this subject that I had ever seen, were so bad, so destitute of every +thing calculated to lead the mind into a knowledge of the matter, so +void of principles, and so evidently tending to puzzle and disgust the +learner, by their sententious, and crabbed, and quaint, and almost +hieroglyphical definitions, that I, at one time, had the intention of +writing a little work on the subject myself. It was put off, from one +cause or another; but a little work on the subject has been, partly at +my suggestion, written and published by Mr. THOMAS SMITH of Liverpool, +and is sold by Mr. SHERWOOD, in London. The author has great ability, +and a perfect knowledge of his subject. It is a book of principles; and +any young person of common capacity, will learn more from it in a week, +than from all the other books, that I ever saw on the subject, in a +twelve-month. + +316. While the foregoing studies are proceeding, though they very well +afford a relief to each other, HISTORY may serve as a relaxation, +particularly during the study of grammar, which is an undertaking +requiring patience and time. Of all history, that of our own country is +of the most importance; because, for want of a thorough knowledge of +what _has been_, we are, in many cases, at a loss to account for _what +is_, and still more at a loss, to be able to show what _ought to be_. +The difference between history and romance is this; that that which is +narrated in the latter, leaves in the mind nothing which it can apply to +present or future circumstances and events; while the former, when it is +what it ought to be, leaves the mind stored with arguments for +experience, applicable, at all times, to the actual affairs of life. The +history of a country ought to show the origin and progress of its +institutions, political, civil, and ecclesiastical; it ought to show the +effects of those institutions upon the state of the people; it ought to +delineate the measures of the government at the several epochs; and, +having clearly described the state of the people at the several periods, +it ought to show the cause of their freedom, good morals, and happiness; +or of their misery, immorality, and slavery; and this, too, by the +production of indubitable facts, and of inferences so manifestly fair, +as to leave not the smallest doubt upon the mind. + +317. Do the histories of England which we have, answer this description? +They are very little better than romances. Their contents are generally +confined to narrations relating to battles, negociations, intrigues, +contests between rival sovereignties, rival nobles, and to the character +of kings, queens, mistresses, bishops, ministers, and the like; from +scarcely any of which can the reader draw any knowledge which is at all +applicable to the circumstances of the present day. + +318. Besides this, there is the _falsehood_; and the falsehoods +contained in these histories, where shall we find any thing to surpass? +Let us take one instance. They all tell us, that William the Conqueror +knocked down twenty-six parish churches, and laid waste the parishes in +order to make the New Forest; and this in a tract of the very poorest +land in England, where the churches must then have stood at about one +mile and two hundred yards from each other. The truth is, that all the +churches are still standing that were there when William landed, and the +whole story is a sheer falsehood from the beginning to the end. + +319. But, this is a mere specimen of these romances; and that too, with +regard to a matter comparatively unimportant to us. The important +falsehoods are, those which misguide us by statement or by inference, +with regard to the state of the people at the several epochs, as +produced by the institutions of the country, or the measures of the +Government. It is always the object of those who have power in their +hands, to persuade the people that they are better off than their +forefathers were: it is the great business of history to show how this +matter stands; and, with respect to this great matter, what are we to +learn from any thing that has hitherto been called a history of England! +I remember, that, about a dozen years ago, I was talking with a very +clever young man, who had read twice or thrice over the History of +England, by different authors; and that I gave the conversation a turn +that drew from him, unperceived by himself, that he did not know how +tithes, parishes, poor-rates, church-rates, and the abolition of trial +by jury in hundreds of cases, came to be in England; and, that he had +not the smallest idea of the manner in which the Duke of Bedford came to +possess the power of taxing our cabbages in Covent-Garden. Yet, this is +history. I have done a great deal, with regard to matters of this sort, +in my famous History of the PROTESTANT REFORMATION; for I may truly call +that famous, which has been translated and published in all the modern +languages. + +320. But, it is reserved for me to write a complete history of the +country from the earliest times to the present day; and this, God giving +me life and health, I shall begin to do in monthly numbers, beginning on +the first of September, and in which I shall endeavour to combine +brevity with clearness. We do not want to consume our time over a dozen +pages about Edward the Third dancing at a ball, picking up a lady's +garter, and making that garter the foundation of an order of knighthood, +bearing the motto of '_Honi soit qui mal y pense_? It is not stuff like +this; but we want to know what was the state of the people; what were a +labourer's wages; what were the prices of the food, and how the +labourers were dressed in the reign of that great king. What is a young +person to imbibe from a history of England, as it is called, like that +of Goldsmith? It is a little romance to amuse children; and the other +historians have given us larger romances to amuse lazy persons who are +grown up. To destroy the effects of these, and to make the people know +what their country has been, will be my object; and this, I trust, I +shall effect. We are, it is said, to have a History of England from SIR +JAMES MACKINTOSH; a History of Scotland from SIR WALTER SCOTT; and a +HISTORY OF IRELAND from Tommy Moore, the luscious poet. A Scotch lawyer, +who is a pensioner, and a member for Knaresborough, which is well known +to the Duke of Devonshire, who has the great tithes of twenty parishes +in Ireland, will, doubtless, write a most impartial _History of +England_, and particularly as far as relates to _boroughs_ and _tithes_. +A Scotch romance-writer, who, under the name of _Malagrowther_, wrote a +pamphlet to prove, that one-pound-notes were the cause of riches to +Scotland, will write, to be sure, a most instructive _History of +Scotland_. And, from the pen of a Irish poet, who is a sinecure +placeman, and a protégé of an English peer that has immense parcels of +Irish confiscated estates, what a beautiful history shall we not then +have of _unfortunate Ireland_! Oh, no! We are not going to be content +with stuff such as these men will bring out. Hume and Smollett and +Robertson have cheated us long enough. We are not in a humour to be +cheated any longer. + +321. GEOGRAPHY is taught at schools, if we believe the school-cards. The +scholars can tell you all about the divisions of the earth, and this is +very well for persons who have leisure to indulge their curiosity; but +it does seem to me monstrous that a young person's time should be spent +in ascertaining the boundaries of Persia or China, knowing nothing all +the while about the boundaries, the rivers, the soil, or the products, +or of the any thing else of Yorkshire or Devonshire. The first thing in +geography is to know that of the country in which we live, especially +that in which we were born: I have now seen almost every hill and valley +in it with my own eyes; nearly every city and every town, and no small +part of the whole of the villages. I am therefore qualified to give an +account of the country; and that account, under the title of +Geographical Dictionary of England and Wales, I am now having printed as +a companion to my history. + +322. When a young man well understands the geography of his own country; +when he has referred to maps on this smaller scale; when, in short, he +knows all about his own country, and is able to apply his knowledge to +useful purposes, he may look at other countries, and particularly at +those, the powers or measures of which are likely to affect his own +country. It is of great importance to us to be well acquainted with the +extent of France, the United States, Portugal, Spain, Mexico, Turkey, +and Russia; but what need we care about the tribes of Asia and Africa, +the condition of which can affect us no more than we would be affected +by any thing that is passing in the moon? + +323. When people have nothing useful to do, they may indulge their +curiosity; but, merely to _read books_, is not to be industrious, is not +to study, and is not the way to become learned. Perhaps there are none +more lazy, or more truly ignorant, than your everlasting readers. A book +is an admirable excuse for sitting still; and, a man who has constantly +a newspaper, a magazine, a review, or some book or other in his hand, +gets, at last, his head stuffed with such a jumble, that he knows not +what to think about any thing. An empty coxcomb, that wastes his time in +dressing, strutting, or strolling about, and picking his teeth, is +certainly a most despicable creature, but scarcely less so than a mere +reader of books, who is, generally, conceited, thinks himself wiser than +other men, in proportion to the number of leaves that he has turned +over. In short, a young man should bestow his time upon no book, the +contents of which he cannot apply to some useful purpose. + +324. Books of travels, of biography, natural history, and particularly +such as relate to agriculture and horticulture, are all proper, when +leisure is afforded for them; and the two last are useful to a very +great part of mankind; but, unless the subjects treated of are of some +interest to us in our affairs, no time should be wasted upon them, when +there are so many duties demanded at our hands by our families and our +country. A man may read books for ever, and be an ignorant creature at +last, and even the more ignorant for his reading. + +325. And, with regard to young women, everlasting book-reading is +absolutely _a vice_. When they once get into the habit, they neglect all +other matters, and, in some cases, even their very dress. Attending to +the affairs of the house: to the washing, the baking, the brewing, the +preservation and cooking of victuals, the management of the poultry and +the garden; these are their proper occupations. It is said (with what +truth I know not) of the _present Queen_ (wife of William IV), that she +was an active, excellent manager of her house. Impossible to bestow on +her greater praise; and I trust that her example will have its due +effect on the young women of the present day, who stand, but too +generally, in need of that example. + +326. The great fault of the present generation, is, that, in _all_ +ranks, the _notions of self-importance are too high_. This has arisen +from causes not visible to many, out the consequences are felt by all, +and that, too, with great severity. There has been a general +_sublimating_ going on for many years. Not to put the word _Esquire_ +before the name of almost any man who is not a mere labourer or artisan, +is almost _an affront_. Every merchant, every master-manufacturer, every +dealer, if at all rich, is an _Esquire_; squires' sons must be +_gentlemen_, and squires' wives and daughters _ladies_. If this were +_all_; if it were merely a ridiculous misapplication of words, the evil +would not be great; but, unhappily, words lead to acts and produce +things; and the '_young gentleman_' is not easily to be moulded into a +_tradesman_ or a _working farmer_. And yet the world is too small to +hold so many _gentlemen_ and _ladies_. How many thousands of young men +have, at this moment, cause to lament that they are not carpenters, or +masons, or tailors, or shoemakers; and how many thousands of those, that +they have been bred up to wish to disguise their honest and useful, and +therefore honourable, calling! ROUSSEAU observes, that men are happy, +first, in proportion to their virtue, and next, in proportion to their +_independence_; and that, of all mankind, the artisan, or craftsman, is +the most independent; because he carries about, _in his own hands_ and +person, the means of gaining his livelihood; and that the more common +the use of the articles on which he works, the more perfect his +independence. 'Where,' says he, 'there is one man that stands in need of +the talents of the dentist, there are a hundred thousand that want those +of the people who supply the matter for the teeth to work on; and for +one who wants a sonnet to regale his fancy, there are a million +clamouring for men to make or mend their shoes.' Aye, and this is the +reason, why shoemakers are proverbially the most independent part of the +people, and why they, in general, show more public spirit than any other +men. He who lives by a pursuit, be it what it may, which does not +require a considerable degree of _bodily labour_, must, from the nature +of things, be, more or less, a _dependent_; and this is, indeed, the +price which he pays for his exemption from that bodily labour. He _may_ +arrive at riches, or fame, or both; and this chance he sets against the +certainty of independence in humbler life. There always have been, there +always will be, and there always ought to be, _some_ men to take this +chance: but to do this has become the _fashion_, and a fashion it is the +most fatal that ever seized upon a community. + +327. With regard to young women, too, to sing, to play on instruments of +music, to draw, to speak French, and the like, are very agreeable +qualifications; but why should they _all_ be musicians, and painters, +and linguists? Why _all_ of them? Who, then, is there left to _take care +of the houses_ of farmers and traders? But there is something in these +'accomplishments' worse than this; namely, that they think themselves +_too high_ for farmers and traders: and this, in fact, they are; much +_too high_; and, therefore, the servant-girls step in and supply their +place. If they could see their own interest, surely they would drop this +lofty tone, and these lofty airs. It is, however, the fault of the +parents, and particularly of the father, whose duty it is to prevent +them from imbibing such notions, and to show them, that the greatest +honour they ought to aspire to is, thorough skill and care in the +economy of a house. We are all apt to set too high a value on what we +ourselves have done; and I may do this; but I do firmly believe, that to +cure any young woman of this fatal sublimation, she has only patiently +to read my COTTAGE ECONOMY, written with an anxious desire to promote +domestic skill and ability in that sex, on whom so much of the happiness +of man must always depend. A lady in Worcestershire told me, that until +she read COTTAGE ECONOMY she had never _baked in the house_, and had +seldom had _good beer_; that, ever since, she had looked after both +herself; that the pleasure she had derived from it, was equal to the +profit, and that the latter was very great. She said, that the article +'_on baking bread_,' was the part that roused her to the undertaking; +and, indeed, if the facts and arguments, _there_ made use of, failed to +stir her up to action, she must have been stone dead to the power of +words. + +328. After the age that we have now been supposing, boys and girls +become _men_ and _women_; and, there now only remains for the _father_ +to act towards them with _impartiality_. If they be numerous, or, +indeed, if they be only two in number, to expect _perfect harmony_ to +reign amongst, or between, them, is to be unreasonable; because +experience shows us, that, even amongst the most sober, most virtuous, +and most sensible, harmony so complete is very rare. By nature they are +rivals for the affection and applause of the parents; in personal and +mental endowments they become rivals; and, when _pecuniary interests_ +come to be well understood and to have their weight, here is a +rivalship, to prevent which from ending in hostility, require more +affection and greater disinterestedness than fall to the lot of one out +of one hundred families. So many instances have I witnessed of good and +amiable families living in harmony, till the hour arrived for dividing +property amongst them, and then, all at once, becoming hostile to each +other, that I have often thought that property, coming in such a way, +was a curse, and that the parties would have been far better off, had +the parent had merely a blessing to bequeath them from his or her lips, +instead of a will for them to dispute and wrangle over. + +329. With regard to this matter, all that the father can do, is to be +_impartial_; but, impartiality does not mean positive _equality_ in the +distribution, but equality _in proportion_ to the different deserts of +the parties, their different wants, their different pecuniary +circumstances, and different prospects in life; and these vary so much, +in different families, that it is impossible to lay down any general +rule upon the subject. But there is one fatal error, against which every +father ought to guard his heart; and the kinder that heart is, the more +necessary such guardianship. I mean the fatal error of heaping upon one +child, to the prejudice of the rest; or, upon a part of them. This +partiality sometimes arises from mere caprice; sometimes from the +circumstance of the favourite being more favoured by nature than the +rest; sometimes from the nearer resemblance to himself, that the father +sees in the favourite; and, sometimes, from the hope of preventing the +favoured party from doing that which would disgrace the parent. All +these motives are highly censurable, but the last is the most general, +and by far the most mischievous in its effects. How many fathers have +been ruined, how many mothers and families brought to beggary, how many +industrious and virtuous groups have been pulled down from competence to +penury, from the desire to prevent one from bringing shame on the +parent! So that, contrary to every principle of justice, the bad is +rewarded for the badness; and the good punished for the goodness. +Natural affection, remembrance of infantine endearments, reluctance to +abandon long-cherished hopes, compassion for the sufferings of your own +flesh and blood, the dread of fatal consequences from your adhering to +justice; all these beat at your heart, and call on you to give way: but, +you must resist them all; or, your ruin, and that of the rest of your +family, are decreed. Suffering is the natural and just punishment of +idleness, drunkenness, squandering, and an indulgence in the society of +prostitutes; and, never did the world behold an instance of an offender, +in this way, reclaimed but by the infliction of this punishment; +particularly, if the society of prostitutes made part of the offence; +for, here is something that takes the _heart from you_. Nobody ever yet +saw, and nobody ever will see, a young man, linked to a prostitute, and +retain, at the same time, any, even the smallest degree of affection, +for parents or brethren. You may supplicate, you may implore, you may +leave yourself pennyless, and your virtuous children without bread; the +invisible cormorant will still call for more; and, as we saw, only the +other day, a wretch was convicted of having, at the instigation of his +prostitute, _beaten his aged mother_, to get from her the small remains +of the means necessary to provide her with food. In HERON'S collection +of God's judgments on wicked acts, it is related of an unnatural son, +who fed his aged father upon orts and offal, lodged him in a filthy and +crazy garret, and clothed him in sackcloth, while he and his wife and +children lived in luxury; that, having bought sackcloth enough for two +dresses for his father, the children took away the part not made up, and +_hid it_, and that, upon asking them what they could _do this for_, they +told him that they meant to keep it _for him_, when he should become old +and walk with a stick! This, the author relates, pierced his heart; and, +indeed, if _this_ failed, he must have had the heart of a tiger; but, +even _this_ would not succeed with the associate of a prostitute. When +_this vice_, this love of the society of prostitutes; when this vice has +once got fast hold, vain are all your sacrifices, vain your prayers, +vain your hopes, vain your anxious desire to disguise the shame from the +world; and, if you have acted well your part, no part of that shame +falls on you, unless you _have administered to the cause of it_. Your +authority has ceased; the voice of the prostitute, or the charms of the +bottle, or the rattle of the dice, has been more powerful than your +advice and example: you must lament this: but, it is not to bow you +down; and, above all things, it is weak, and even criminally selfish, to +sacrifice the rest of your family, in order to keep from the world the +knowledge of that, which, if known, would, in your view of the matter, +bring shame on yourself. + +330. Let me hope, however, that this is a calamity which will befall +very few good fathers; and that, of all such, the sober, industrious, +and frugal habits of their children, their dutiful demeanor, their truth +and their integrity, will come to smooth the path of their downward +days, and be the objects on which their eyes will close. Those children +must, in their turn, travel the same path; and they may be assured, +that, 'Honour thy father and thy mother, that thy days may be long in +the land,' is a precept, a disregard of which never yet failed, either +first or last, to bring its punishment. And, what can be more just than +that signal punishment should follow such a crime; a crime directly +against the voice of nature itself? Youth has its passions, and due +allowance justice will make for these; but, are the delusions of the +boozer, the gamester, or the harlot, to be pleaded in excuse for a +disregard of the source of your existence? Are those to be pleaded in +apology for giving pain to the father who has toiled half a lifetime in +order to feed and clothe you, and to the mother whose breast has been to +you the fountain of life? Go, you, and shake the hand of the +boon-companion; take the greedy harlot to your arms; mock at the tears +of your tender and anxious parents; and, when your purse is empty and +your complexion faded, receive the poverty and the scorn due to your +base ingratitude! + + + + +LETTER VI + +TO THE CITIZEN + +331. Having now given my Advice to the YOUTH, the grown-up MAN, the +LOVER, the HUSBAND and the FATHER, I shall, in this concluding Number, +tender my Advice to the CITIZEN, in which capacity every man has rights +to enjoy and duties to perform, and these too of importance not inferior +to those which belong to him, or are imposed upon him, as son, parent, +husband or father. The word _citizen_ is not, in its application, +confined to the mere inhabitants of cities: it means, a _member of a +civil society, or community_; and, in order to have a clear +comprehension of man's rights and duties in this capacity, we must take +a look at the _origin of civil communities_. + +332. Time was when the inhabitants of this island, for instance, laid +claim to all things in it, without the words _owner_ or _property_ being +known. God had given to _all_ the people all the land and all the trees, +and every thing else, just as he has given the burrows and the grass to +the rabbits, and the bushes and the berries to the birds; and each man +had the good things of this world in a greater or less degree in +proportion to his skill, his strength and his valour. This is what is +called living under the LAW OF NATURE; that is to say, the law of +self-preservation and self-enjoyment, without any restraint imposed by a +regard for the good of our neighbours. + +333. In process of time, no matter from what cause, men made amongst +themselves a compact, or an agreement, to divide the land and its +products in such manner that each should have a share to his own +exclusive use, and that each man should be protected in the exclusive +enjoyment of his share by the _united power of the rest_; and, in order +to ensure the due and certain application of this united power, the +whole of the people agreed to be bound by regulations, called LAWS. Thus +arose civil society; thus arose _property_; thus arose the words _mine_ +and _thine_. One man became possessed of more good things than another, +because he was more industrious, more skilful, more careful, or more +frugal: so that LABOUR, of one sort or another, was the BASIS of all +property. + +334. In what manner civil societies proceeded in providing for the +making of laws and for the enforcing of them; the various ways in which +they took measures to protect the weak against the strong; how they have +gone to work to secure wealth against the attacks of poverty; these are +subjects that it would require volumes to detail; but these truths are +written on the heart of man: that all men are, by nature, _equal_; that +civil society can never have arisen from any motive other than that of +the _benefit of the whole_; that, whenever civil society makes the +greater part of the people _worse off_ than they were under the Law of +Nature, the civil compact is, in conscience, dissolved, and all the +rights of nature return; that, in civil society, the _rights and the +duties go hand in hand_, and that, when the former are taken away, the +latter cease to exist. + +335. Now, then, in order to act well our part, as citizens, or members +of the community, we ought clearly to understand _what our rights are_; +for, on our enjoyment of these depend our duties, rights going before +duties, as value received goes before payment. I know well, that just +the contrary of this is taught in our political schools, where we are +told, that our _first duty_ is to _obey the laws_; and it is not many +years ago, that HORSLEY, Bishop of Rochester, told us, that the _people_ +had _nothing_ to do with the laws but to _obey_ them. The truth is, +however, that the citizen's _first duty_ is to maintain his rights, as +it is the purchaser's first duty to receive the thing for which he has +contracted. + +336. Our rights in society are numerous; the right of enjoying life and +property; the right of exerting our physical and mental powers in an +innocent manner; but, the great right of all, and without which there +is, in fact, _no right_, is, the right of _taking a part in the making +of the laws by which we are governed_. This right is founded in that law +of Nature spoken of above; it springs out of the very principle of civil +society; for what _compact_, what _agreement_, what _common assent_, can +possibly be imagined by which men would give up all the rights of +nature, all the free enjoyment of their bodies and their minds, in order +to subject themselves to rules and laws, in the making of which they +should have nothing to say, and which should be enforced upon them +without their assent? The great right, therefore, of _every man_, the +right of rights, is the right of having a share in the making of the +laws, to which the good of the whole makes it his duty to submit. + +337. With regard to the means of enabling every man to enjoy this share, +they have been different, in different countries, and, in the same +countries, at different times. Generally it has been, and in great +communities it must be, by the choosing of a few to speak and act _in +behalf of the many_: and, as there will hardly ever be _perfect +unanimity_ amongst men assembled for any purpose whatever, where fact +and argument are to decide the question, the decision is left to the +_majority_, the compact being that the decision of the majority shall be +that of the whole. _Minors_ are excluded from this right, because the +law considers them as infants, because it makes the parent answerable +for civil damages committed by them, and because of their legal +incapacity to make any compact. _Women_ are excluded because husbands +are answerable in law for their wives, as to their civil damages, and +because the very nature of their sex makes the exercise of this right +incompatible with the harmony and happiness of society. Men stained with +_indelible crimes_ are excluded, because they have forfeited their right +by violating the laws, to which their assent has been given. _Insane +persons_ are excluded, because they are dead in the eye of the law, +because the law demands no duty at their hands, because they cannot +violate the law, because the law cannot affect them; and, therefore, +they ought to have no hand in making it. + +338. But, with these exceptions, where is the ground whereon to maintain +that _any man_ ought to be deprived of this right, which he derives +directly from the law of Nature, and which springs, as I said before, +out of the same source with civil society itself? Am I told, that +_property_ ought to confer this right? Property sprang from _labour_, +and not labour from property; so that if there were to be a distinction +here, it ought to give the preference to labour. All men are equal by +nature; nobody denies that they all ought to be _equal in the eye of the +law_; but, how are they to be thus equal, if the law begin by suffering +_some_ to enjoy this right and refusing the enjoyment to _others_? It is +the duty of every man to defend his country against an enemy, a duty +imposed by the law of Nature as well as by that of civil society, and +without the recognition of this duty, there could exist no independent +nation and no civil society. Yet, how are you to maintain that this is +the duty of _every man_, if you deny to _some_ men the enjoyment of a +share in making the laws? Upon what principle are you to contend for +_equality_ here, while you deny its existence as to the right of sharing +in the making of the laws? The poor man has a body and a soul as well as +the rich man; like the latter, he has parents, wife and children; a +bullet or a sword is as deadly to him as to the rich man; there are +hearts to ache and tears to flow for him as well as for the squire or +the lord or the loan-monger: yet, notwithstanding this equality, he is +to risk all, and, if he escape, he is still to be denied an equality of +rights! If, in such a state of things, the artisan or labourer, when +called out to fight in defence of his country, were to answer: 'Why +should I risk my life? I have no possession but my _labour_; no enemy +will take that from me; you, the rich, possess all the land and all its +products; you make what laws you please without my participation or +assent; you punish me at your pleasure; you say that my want of property +excludes me from the right of having a share in the making of the laws; +you say that the property that I have in my labour _is nothing worth_; +on what ground, then, do you call on me to risk my life?' If, in such a +case, such questions were put, the answer is very difficult to be +imagined. + +339. In cases of _civil commotion_ the matter comes still more home to +us. On what ground is the rich man to call the artisan from his shop or +the labourer from the field to join the sheriff's possé or the militia, +if he refuse to the labourer and artisan the right of sharing in the +making of the laws? Why are they to risk their lives here? To _uphold +the laws_, and to protect _property_. What! _laws_, in the making of, or +assenting to, which they have been allowed to have no share? _Property_, +of which they are said to possess none? What! compel men to come forth +and risk their lives for the _protection of property_; and then, in the +same breath, tell them, that they are not allowed to share in the making +of the laws, because, and ONLY BECAUSE, _they have no property_! Not +because they have committed any crime; not because they are idle or +profligate; not because they are vicious in any way; out solely because +they have _no property_; and yet, at the same time, compel them to come +forth and _risk their lives_ for the _protection of property_! + +340. But, the PAUPERS? Ought _they_ to share in the making of the laws? +And why not? What is a _pauper_; what is one of the men to whom this +degrading appellation is applied? A _very poor_ man; a man who is, from +some cause or other, unable to supply himself with food and raiment +without aid from the parish-rates. And, is that circumstance alone to +deprive him of his right, a right of which he stands more in need than +any other man? Perhaps he has, for many years of his life, contributed +directly to those rates; and ten thousand to one he has, by his labour, +contributed to them indirectly. The aid which, under such circumstances, +he receives, _is his right_; he receives it not as _an alms_: he is no +mendicant; he begs not; he comes to receive that which _the law of the +country awards him_ in lieu of the _larger portion_ assigned him by the +_law of Nature_. Pray mark that, and let it be deeply engraven on your +memory. The audacious and merciless MALTHUS (a parson of the church +establishment) recommended, some years ago, the passing of a law to _put +an end to the giving of parish relief_, though he recommended no law to +put an end to the enormous taxes paid by poor people. In his book he +said, that the poor should be left to the _law of Nature_, which, in +case of their having nothing to buy food with, _doomed them to starve_. +They would ask nothing better than to be left to the _law of Nature_; +that law which knows nothing about _buying_ food or any thing else; that +law which bids the hungry and the naked _take_ food and raiment wherever +they find it best and nearest at hand; that law which awards all +possessions to the _strongest_; that law the operations of which would +clear out the London meat-markets and the drapers' and jewellers' shops +in about half an hour: to this law the parson wished the parliament to +leave the poorest of the working people; but, if the parliament had done +it, it would have been quickly seen, that this law was far from 'dooming +them to be starved.' + +341. Trusting that it is unnecessary for me to express a hope, that +barbarous thoughts like those of Malthus and his tribe will never be +entertained by any young man who has read the previous Numbers of this +work, let me return to my _very, very poor man_, and ask, whether it be +consistent with justice, with humanity, with reason, to deprive a man of +the most precious of his political rights, because, and _only because_, +he has been, in a pecuniary way, _singularly unfortunate_? The Scripture +says, 'Despise not the poor, _because_ he is poor;' that is to say, +despise him not _on account of his poverty_. Why, then, deprive him of +his right; why put him out of the pale of the law, on account of his +poverty? There are _some_ men, to be sure, who are reduced to poverty by +their vices, by idleness, by gaming, by drinking, by squandering; but, +the far greater part by bodily ailments, by misfortunes to the effects +of which all men may, without any fault, and even without any folly, be +exposed: and, is there a man on earth so cruelly unjust as to wish to +add to the sufferings of such persons by stripping them of their +political rights? How many thousands of industrious and virtuous men +have, within these few years, been brought down from a state of +competence to that of pauperism! And, is it just to strip such men of +their rights, merely because they are thus brought down? When I was at +ELY, last spring, there were in that neighbourhood, _three paupers_ +cracking stones on the roads, who had all three been, not only +rate-payers, but _overseers of the poor_, within seven years of the day +when I was there. Is there any man so barbarous as to say, that these +men ought, merely on account of their misfortunes, to be deprived of +their political rights? Their right to receive relief is as perfect as +any right of property; and, would you, merely because they claim _this +right_, strip them of _another right_? To say no more of the injustice +and the cruelty, is there reason, is there common sense in this? What! +if a farmer or tradesman be, by flood or by fire, so totally ruined as +to be compelled, surrounded by his family, to resort to the parish-book, +would you break the last heart-string of such a man by making him feel +the degrading loss of his political rights? + +342. Here, young man of sense and of spirit; _here is the point_ on +which you are to take your stand. There are always men enough to plead +the cause of the rich; enough and enough to echo the woes of the fallen +great; but, be it your part to show compassion for those who labour, and +to maintain _their rights_. Poverty is not _a crime_, and, though it +sometimes arises from faults, it is not, even in that case, to be +visited by punishment beyond that which it brings with itself. Remember, +that poverty is decreed by the very nature of man. The Scripture says, +that 'the poor shall never cease from out of the land;' that is to say, +that there shall always be some very poor people. This is inevitable +from the very nature of things. It is necessary to the existence of +mankind, that a very large portion of every people should live by manual +labour; and, as such labour is _pain_, more or less, and as no living +creature likes pain, it must be, that the far greater part of labouring +people will endure only just as much of this pain as is absolutely +necessary to the supply of their _daily wants_. Experience says that +this has always been, and reason and nature tell us, that this must +always be. Therefore, when ailments, when losses, when untoward +circumstances of any sort, stop or diminish the daily supply, _want +comes_; and every just government will provide, from the general stock, +the means to satisfy this want. + +343. Nor is the deepest poverty without its _useful effects_ in society. +To the practice of the virtues of abstinence, sobriety, care, frugality, +industry, and even honesty and amiable manners and acquirement of +talent, the two great motives are, to get upwards in riches or fame, and +_to avoid going downwards to poverty_, the last of which is the most +powerful of the two. It is, therefore, not with contempt, but with +compassion, that we should look on those, whose state is one of the +decrees of nature, from whose sad example we profit, and to whom, in +return, we ought to make compensation by every indulgent and kind act in +our power, and particularly by a defence of their rights. To those who +labour, we, who labour not with our hands, owe all that we eat, drink +and wear; all that shades us by day and that shelters us by night; all +the means of enjoying health and pleasure; and, therefore, if we possess +talent for the task, we are ungrateful or cowardly, or both, if we omit +any effort within our power to prevent them from being _slaves_; and, +disguise the matter how we may, _a slave_, a _real slave_, every man is, +who has no share in making the laws which he is compelled to obey. + +344. _What is a slave_? For, let us not be amused by _a name_; but look +well into the matter. A slave is, in the first place, a man who has _no +property_; and property means something that he _has_, and that nobody +can take from him without his leave, or consent. Whatever man, no matter +what he may call himself or any body else may call him, can have his +money or his goods taken from him _by force_, by virtue of an order, or +ordinance, or law, which he has had no hand in making, and to which he +has not given his assent, has _no property_, and is merely a depositary +of the goods of his master. A slave has _no property in his labour_; and +any man who is compelled to give up the fruit of his labour to another, +at the arbitrary will of that other, has no property in his labour, and +is, therefore, a slave, whether the fruit of his labour be taken from +him directly or indirectly. If it be said, that he gives up this fruit +of his labour by his own will, and that it is _not forced from him_. I +answer, To be sure he _may_ avoid eating and drinking and may go naked; +but, then he must _die_; and on this condition, and this condition only, +can he refuse to give up the fruit of his labour; 'Die, wretch, or +surrender as much of your income, or the fruit of your labour as your +masters choose to take.' This is, in fact, the language of the rulers to +every man who is refused to have a share in the making of the laws to +which he is _forced_ to submit. + +345. But, some one may say, slaves are _private property_, and may _be +bought and sold_, out and out, like cattle. And, what is it to the +slave, whether he be property of _one_ or of _many_; or, what matters it +to him, whether he pass from master to master by a sale for an +indefinite term, or be let to hire by the year, month, or week? It is, +in no case, the flesh and blood and bones that are sold, but the +_labour_; and, if you actually sell the labour of man, is not that man +_a slave_, though you sell it for only a short time at once? And, as to +the principle, so ostentatiously displayed in the case of the _black_ +slave-trade, that '_man_ ought not to have _a property in man_,' it is +even an advantage to the slave to be private property, because the owner +has then a clear and powerful _interest_ in the preservation of his +life, health and strength, and will, therefore, furnish him amply with +the food and raiment necessary for these ends. Every one knows, that +public property is never so well taken care of as private property; and +this, too, on the maxim, that 'that which is every body's business is +nobody's business.' Every one knows that a _rented_ farm is not so well +kept in heart, as a farm in the hands of the _owner_. And as to +_punishments_ and _restraints_, what difference is there, whether these +be inflicted and imposed by a private owner, or his overseer, or by the +agents and overseers of a body of proprietors? In short, if you can +cause a man to be imprisoned or whipped if he do not work enough to +please you; if you can sell him by auction for a time limited; if you +can forcibly separate him from his wife to prevent their having +children; if you can shut him up in his dwelling place when you please, +and for as long a time as you please; if you can force him to draw a +cart or wagon like a beast of draught; if you can, when the humour +seizes you, and at the suggestion of your mere fears, or whim, cause him +to be shut up in a dungeon during your pleasure: if you can, at your +pleasure, do these things to him, is it not to be impudently +hypocritical to affect to call him _a free-man_? But, after all, these +may all be wanting, and yet the man be _a slave_, if he be allowed to +have _no property_; and, as I have shown, no property he can have, not +even in that _labour_, which is not only property, but the _basis_ of +all other property, unless he have a _share in making the laws_ to which +he is compelled to submit. + +346. It is said, that he may have this share _virtually_ though not in +form and _name_; for that his _employers_ may have such share, and they +will, as a matter of course, _act for him_. This doctrine, pushed home, +would make the _chief_ of the nation the sole maker of the laws; for, if +the rich can thus _act for_ the poor, why should not the chief act for +the rich? This matter is very completely explained by the practice in +the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. There the maxim is, that _every free man_, +with the exception of men stained with crime and men insane, has a right +to have a voice in choosing those who make the laws. The number of +Representatives sent to the Congress is, in each State, proportioned to +the number of _free people_. But, as there are _slaves_ in _some_ of the +States, these States _have a certain portion of additional numbers on +account of those slaves_! Thus the slaves are _represented by their +owners_, and this is real, practical, open and undisguised _virtual +representation_! No doubt that white men may be represented in the same +way; for the colour of the skin is nothing; but let them be called +slaves, then; let it not be pretended that they are _free men_; let not +the word _liberty_ be polluted by being applied to their state; let it +be openly and honestly avowed, as in America, that they _are slaves_; +and then will come the question whether men ought to exist in such a +state, or whether they ought to do every thing in their power to rescue +themselves from it. + +347. If the right to have a share in making the laws were merely a +feather; if it were a fanciful thing; if it were only a speculative +theory; if it were but an _abstract principle_; on any of these +suppositions, it might be considered as of little importance. But it is +none of these; it is a practical matter; the want of it not only _is_, +but must of necessity be, felt by every man who lives under that want. +If it were proposed to the shopkeepers in a town, that a rich man or +two, living in the neighbourhood, should have power to send, _whenever +they pleased_, and take away as much as they pleased of the money of the +shopkeepers, and apply it to what uses they please; what an outcry the +shopkeepers would make! And yet, what would this be _more_ than taxes +imposed on those who have no voice in choosing the persons who impose +them? Who lets another man put his hand into his purse when he pleases? +Who, that has the power to help himself, surrenders his goods or his +money to the will of another? Has it not always been, and must it not +always be, true, that, if your property be at the absolute disposal of +others, your ruin is certain? And if this be, of necessity, the case +amongst individuals and parts of the community, it must be the case with +regard to the whole community. + +348. Aye, and experience shows us that it always has been the case. The +natural and inevitable consequences of a want of this right in the +people have, in all countries, been _taxes_ pressing the industrious and +laborious to the earth; _severe laws_ and _standing armies_ to compel +the people to submit to those taxes; wealth, luxury, and splendour, +amongst those who make the laws and receive the taxes; poverty, misery, +immorality and crime, amongst those who bear the burdens; and at last +commotion, revolt, revenge, and rivers of blood. Such have always been, +and such must always be, the consequences of a want of this right of all +men to share in the making of the laws, a right, as I have before shown, +derived immediately from the law of Nature, springing up out of the same +source with civil society, and cherished in the heart of man by reason +and by experience. + +349. Well, then, this right being that, without the enjoyment of which +there is, in reality, no right at all, how manifestly is it _the first +duty_ of every man to do all in his power to _maintain_ this right where +it exists, and to _restore_ it where it has been lost? For observe, it +must, at one time, have existed in every _civil_ community, it being +impossible that it could ever be excluded by any _social compact_; +absolutely impossible, because it is contrary to the law of +self-preservation to believe, that men would agree to give up the rights +of nature without stipulating for some _benefit_. Before we can affect +to believe that this right was not reserved, in such compact, as +completely as the right to _live_ was reserved, we must affect to +believe, that millions of men, under no control but that of their own +passions and desires, and having all the earth and its products at the +command of their strength and skill, consented to be for ever, they and +their posterity, the _slaves of a few_. + +350. We cannot believe this, and therefore, without going back into +_history_ and _precedents_, we must believe, that, in whatever civil +community this right does not exist, it has been lost, or rather, +_unjustly taken away_. And then, having seen the terrible evils which +always have arisen, and always must arise, from the want of it; being +convinced that, where lost or taken away by force or fraud, it is our +very first duty to do all in our power to _restore_ it, the next +consideration is, _how_ one ought to act in the discharge of this most +sacred duty; for sacred it is even as the duties of husband and father. +For, besides the baseness of the thought of quietly submitting to be a +slave _oneself_, we have here, besides our duty to the community, a duty +to perform towards our children and our children's children. We all +acknowledge that it is our bounden duty to provide, as far as our power +will go, for the competence, the health, and the good character of our +children; but, is this duty superior to that of which I am now speaking? +What is competence, what is health, if the possessor be _a slave_, and +hold his possessions at the will of another, or others; as he must do if +destitute of the right to a share in the making of the laws? What is +competence, what is health, if both can, at any moment, be snatched away +by the grasp or the dungeon of a master; and his master he is who makes +the laws without his participation or assent? And, as to _character_, as +to _fair fame_, when the white slave puts forward pretensions to those, +let him no longer affect to commiserate the state of his sleek and fat +brethren in Barbadoes and Jamaica; let him hasten to mix the hair with +the wool, to blend the white with the black, and to lose the memory of +his origin amidst a dingy generation. + +351. Such, then, being the nature of the duty, _how_ are we to go to +work in the performance of it, and what are our _means_? With regard to +these, so various are the circumstances, so endless the differences in +the states of society, and so many are the cases when it would be +madness to attempt that which it would be prudence to attempt in others, +that no _general_ rule can be given beyond this; that, the right and the +duty being clear to our minds, the _means_ that are _surest_ and +_swiftest_ are the _best_. In every such case, however, the great and +predominant desire ought to be not to employ any means beyond those of +reason and persuasion, as long as the employment of these afford a +ground for rational expectation of success. Men are, in such a case, +labouring, not for the present day only, but for ages to come; and +therefore they should not slacken in their exertions, because the grave +may close upon them before the day of final triumph arrive. Amongst the +virtues of the good Citizen are those of fortitude and patience; and, +when he has to carry on his struggle against corruptions deep and +widely-rooted, he is not to expect the baleful tree to come down at a +single blow; he must patiently remove the earth that props and feeds it, +and sever the accursed roots one by one. + +352. _Impatience_ here is a very bad sign. I do not like your +_patriots_, who, because the tree does not give way at once, fall to +_blaming_ all about them, accuse their fellow-sufferers of cowardice, +because they do not do that which they themselves dare not think of +doing. Such conduct argues _chagrin_ and _disappointment_; and these +argue a _selfish_ feeling: they argue, that there has been more of +private ambition and gain at work than of _public good_. Such blamers, +such general accusers, are always to be suspected. What does the _real_ +patriot want more than to feel conscious that he has done his duty +towards his country; and that, if life should not allow him time to see +his endeavours crowned with success, his children will see it? The +impatient patriots are like the young men (mentioned in the beautiful +fable of LA FONTAINE) who ridiculed the man of fourscore, who was +planting an avenue of very small trees, which, they told him, that he +never could expect to see as high as his head. 'Well,' said he, 'and +what of that? If their shade afford me no pleasure, it may afford +pleasure to my children, and even to you; and, therefore, the planting +of them gives me pleasure.' + +353. It is the want of the noble disinterestedness, so beautifully +expressed in this fable, that produces the _impatient_ patriots. They +wish very well to their country, because they want _some of the good for +themselves_. Very natural that all men should wish to see the good +arrive, and wish to share in it too; but, we must look on the dark side +of nature to find the disposition to cast blame on the whole community +because our wishes are not instantly accomplished, and especially to +cast blame on others for not doing that which we ourselves dare not +attempt. There is, however, a sort of _patriot_ a great deal worse than +this; he, who having failed himself, would see his country enslaved for +ever, rather than see its deliverance achieved by others. His failure +has, perhaps, arisen solely from his want of talent, or discretion; yet +his selfish heart would wish his country sunk in everlasting +degradation, lest his inefficiency for the task should be established by +the success of others. A very hateful character, certainly, but, I am +sorry to say, by no means rare. _Envy_, always associated with meanness +of soul, always detestable, is never so detestable as when it shows +itself here. + +354. Be it your care, my young friend (and I tender you this as my +parting advice), if you find this base and baleful passion, which the +poet calls 'the eldest born of hell;' if you find it creeping into your +heart, be it your care to banish it at once and for ever; for, if once +it nestle there, farewell to all the good which nature has enabled you +to do, and to your peace into the bargain. It has pleased God to make an +unequal distribution of talent, of industry, of perseverance, of a +capacity to labour, of all the qualities that give men distinction. We +have not been our own makers: it is no fault in you that nature has +placed him above you, and, surely, it is no fault in him; and would you +_punish_ him on account, and only on account, of his pre-eminence! If +you have read this book you will startle with horror at the thought: you +will, as to public matters, act with zeal and with good humour, though +the place you occupy be far removed from the first; you will support +with the best of your abilities others, who, from whatever circumstance, +may happen to take the lead; you will not suffer even the consciousness +and the certainty of your own superior talents to urge you to do any +thing which might by possibility be injurious to your country's cause; +you will be forbearing under the aggressions of ignorance, conceit, +arrogance, and even the blackest of ingratitude superadded, if by +resenting these you endanger the general good; and, above all things, +you will have the justice to bear in mind, that that country which gave +you birth, is, to the last hour of your capability, entitled to your +exertions in her behalf, and that you ought not, by acts of commission +or of omission, to visit upon her the wrongs which may have been +inflicted on you by the envy and malice of individuals. Love of one's +native soil is a feeling which nature has implanted in the human breast, +and that has always been peculiarly strong in the breasts of Englishmen. +God has given us a country of which to be proud, and that freedom, +greatness and renown, which were handed down to us by our wise and brave +forefathers, bid us perish to the last man, rather than suffer the land +of their graves to become a land of slavery, impotence and dishonour. + +355. In the words with which I concluded my English Grammar, which I +addressed to my son James, I conclude my advice to you. 'With English +and French on your tongue and in your pen, you have a resource, not only +greatly valuable in itself, but a resource that you can be deprived of +by none of those changes and chances which deprive men of pecuniary +possessions, and which, in some cases, make the purse-proud man of +yesterday a crawling sycophant to-day. Health, without which life is not +worth having, you will hardly fail to secure by early rising, exercise, +sobriety, and abstemiousness as to food. Happiness, or misery, is in the +_mind_. It is the mind that lives; and the length of life ought to be +measured by the number and importance of our ideas, and not by the +number of our days. Never, therefore, esteem men merely on account of +their riches or their station. Respect goodness, find it where you may. +Honour talent wherever you behold it unassociated with vice; but, honour +it most when accompanied with exertion, and especially when exerted in +the cause of truth and justice; and, above all things, hold it in +honour, when it steps forward to protect defenceless innocence against +the attacks of powerful guilt.' These words, addressed to my own son, I +now, in taking my leave, address to you. Be just, be industrious, be +sober, and be happy; and the hope that these effects will, in some +degree, have been caused by this little work, will add to the happiness +of + + Your friend and humble servant, + + WM. COBBETT. + +Kensington, 25th Aug. 1830. + + + +***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ADVICE TO YOUNG MEN*** + + +******* This file should be named 15510-8.txt or 15510-8.zip ******* + + +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: +https://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/1/5/5/1/15510 + + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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