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diff --git a/14846.txt b/14846.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..026e002 --- /dev/null +++ b/14846.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1578 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, Or the London Charivari, Volume 103, +July 16, 1892, by Various + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Punch, Or the London Charivari, Volume 103, July 16, 1892 + +Author: Various + +Release Date: January 31, 2005 [EBook #14846] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH *** + + + + +Produced by Malcolm Farmer, William Flis, and the PG Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + +PUNCH, + +OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. + +VOL. 103. + + + +July 16, 1892. + + + + +TO THE FIRST BATHING-MACHINE. + +(_AFTER WORDSWORTH._) + + O blank new-comer! I have seen, + I see thee with a start: + So gentle looking a Machine, + Infernal one thou art! + + When first the sun feels rather hot, + Or even rather warm, + From some dim, hibernating spot + Rolls forth thy clumsy form. + + Perhaps thou babblest to the sea + Of sunshine and of flowers; + Thou bringest but a thought to me + Of such bad quarter hours. + + I, grasping tightly, pale with fear, + Thy very narrow bench, + Thou, bounding on in wild career, + All shake, and jolt, and wrench. + + Till comes an unexpected stop; + My forehead hits the door, + And I, with cataclysmic flop, + Lie on thy sandy floor. + + Then, dressed in Nature's simplest style, + I, blushing, venture out; + And find the sea is still a mile + Away, or thereabout. + + Blithe little children on the sand + Laugh out with childish glee; + Their nurses, sitting near at hand, + All giggling, stare at me. + + Unnerved, unwashed, I rush again + Within thy tranquil shade, + And wait until the rising main + Shall banish child and maid. + + Thy doors I dare not open now, + Thy windows give no view; + 'Tis late; I will not bathe, I vow: + I dress myself anew. + + Set wide the door. All round is sea! + "Hold tight, Sir!" voices call, + And in the water, jerked from thee, + I tumble, clothes and all! + + O blessed thing! this earth we pace + Thy haunt should never be, + A quite unmentionable place + That is fit home for thee! + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: ELECTION INTELLIGENCE. + +_Brilliant Elector_ (_at the Polling Station_). "IT'S A STOUTISH +KOIND OF A MAN, WITH A BALD 'EAD, AS AR WISHES TO VOTE FOR, BUT AR 'M +BLESSED IF AR KNOW 'IS NAAeME!!"] + + * * * * * + +STUDIES IN THE NEW POETRY. + +NO. III. + +It is with the greatest possible pleasure that _Mr. Punch_ presents +to his readers the following example of the New Poetry. It is taken +from a collection entitled "_Rhymes of the Ropes_" These Rhymes are +intended to illustrate the everyday life of the British prize-fighter, +his simple joys, his manly sorrows, his conversational excellences, +and his indomitable pluck. The author has never been a prize-fighter +himself, but he claims for these Rhymes the merit of absolute truth +in every detail. In any case it is quite certain that every critic +who reviews the volume will say of it, that no previous book has +ever presented to us, with such complete fidelity, the British +prize-fighter as he lives and moves, and has his being--not the gaudy, +over-dressed and over-jewelled creature whom the imagination of the +public pictures as haunting the giddy palaces of pleasure, and adored +by the fairest of the fair, but the rough, uncouth, simple creature +to whom we Britons owe our reputation for pluck and stamina. How the +critic knows this, never having been a prize-fighter himself, and +never having associated with them, is a question which it might be +difficult to answer. But, nevertheless, the critic will guarantee the +"_Rhymes of the Ropes_." + +If some of _Mr. Punch's_ readers, while recognising the force and go +of the lines, shall think them _tant soit peu_ coarse and brutal, the +fault must not be ascribed to _Mr. Punch_, but to the brilliant young +author. Moreover, _Mr. Punch_ begs leave to say, that squeamishness +of that kind is becoming more and more absurd every day under the +influence of the New Poetry and its professors. Here then is-- + +KNOCKED OUT. + +BY MR. R*D**RD K*PL*NG. + + Oh it's bully when I land 'em with a counter on the jaw, + When the ruby's all a drippin' and the conks are red and raw; + And it's bully when I've downed 'em, and the lords are standin' + booze, + Them lords with shiny shirt-fronts, and their patent-leather shoes. + But you'd best look jolly meek + When you're up afore the beak, + For they hustle you, and bustle you, and treat you like a dog. + And its 'Olloway for you + For a month or may be two, + Where the Widow keeps a mansion and purvides you with your prog. + + It was 'ero 'ere and 'ero there, I might 'ave been a King, + For to 'ear 'em 'ip 'urraying as I stepped into the ring, + When I faced the Tipton Slasher, me and 'im in four-ounce gloves, + Just to make us look as 'armless as a pair o' bloomin' doves. + Then I bruises 'im and batters, + And 'e cuts my lips to tatters, + And I gives 'im 'alf a dozen where 'is peepers ought to be. + And 'e flattens out my nose + With a brace of bally blows, + Which I 'ardly 'ad expected from a pug as couldn't see. + + Next round the Slasher's groggy, 'e 'angs 'is 'ands and gropes + (I'd knocked him orf 'is legs at last) a-feelin' for the ropes. + And, lor, 'e looked so cheerful with 'is face a mask of red + That I bust myself with laughin' when I bashed 'im on the 'ead. + Then they counted up to ten, + But 'e couldn't rise again; + 'E gasped a bit, and puffed a bit, and laid there in a 'eap. + And I copped a thousand pounds + For a fight of seven rounds, + Which was all the time it took me for to put my man to sleep. + + Ah, the soft uns call it brutal; there's Mr. H.P. COBB, + And 'is talk, which isn't pretty, about ruffians (meanin' us). + I'd like to tap _'is_ claret when 'e's up and on the job, + And send 'im 'ome a 'owlin' to 'is mammy or 'is nuss. + But I'd rather take the chuck + For a show of British pluck, + And do my month in chockee, and eat my skilly free; + And I'll leave the curs to snivel + With their 'Ouse o' Commons drivel, + Which may suit a pack of jaw-pots, but, by gosh, it don't suit me. + + * * * * * + +"What I suffer from, at this time of year, when I go into the +country," says Mrs. R., "is 'Flybites.'" She pronounced it as a word +of three syllables, and then added, "I rather think the learned way of +spelling it is 'Phlybites.'" + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: CORIOLANUS. + + "I WOULD HE HAD CONTINU'D TO HIS COUNTRY + AS HE BEGAN, AND NOT UNKNIT, HIMSELF, + THE NOBLE KNOT HE MADE."--_Coriolanus_, Act. IV., Scene 2.] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: HENGENIOUS IDEA. + +_Early Visitor._ "WHY, WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING, MATHILDE,--TURNING +YOUR BOUDOIR INTO A POULTRY YARD?" + +_Mathilde._ "WELL, MY DEAR, AS IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO RELY ON GETTING +NEW-LAID EGGS IN TOWN, I HAVE HAD MY PET COCHIN-CHINA UP FROM THE +COUNTRY, AND SHE IS THOROUGHLY TO BE TRUSTED!"] + + * * * * * + +CORIOLANUS. + + "I would he had continu'd to his country + As he began, and not unknit, himself, + The noble knot he made." + +_Coriolanus_, Act IV., Scene 2. + +"His Majesty discriminates between the Prince BISMARCK of former +times, and of to-day, and is anxious that his Government should avoid +everything which might tend to diminish, in the eyes of the German +nation, the familiar figure of its greatest Statesman."--_Instructions +to Imperial German Representatives abroad:_-- + + Can this be he who "At the Gates"[1] + Of Janus' Temple stood of old, + Protective, vigilant, and bold, + As one who calmly dares--and waits? + + "_So fancy limns him, who'll not cease + To watch o'er what his brain upbuilt_," + _Punch_ sang. And now he lifts the hilt, + Warlike, against a Patriot Peace. + + Calm warder then, challenger now. + The tower he reared would he attack, + Because--they have not called him back + Like CINCINNATUS from the plough? + + "The wounds that he doth bear for Rome," + Should speak wide-lipped against the change. + The new _Coriolanus_! Strange, + So great a past to _this_ should come! + + The imperious Roman, banished, bared + Against Rome's walls a traitor blade. + But _you_--revenge is scarce your trade, + Hero, in faction's mazes snared. + + The shirt of Nessus poisoned not, + Nor angered Hercules as you + Seem angered, poisoned. Yet you knew + On ARNIM's shield to bare the blot. + + What should it say, Count HARRY's ghost, + Could it beside your couch appear, + And whisper in his foeman's ear? + Share you not that which shamed him most? + + _You_ flaunt the Press against the Throne? + _You_ bare State secrets to the crowd? + You who against the Mob were loud, + With mockery MARCIUS well might own? + + It doth not fit a splendid past. + The Sentinel in arms arrayed + Against the Citadel, a shade + Of gloom o'er glory's sheen will cast. + + The illustrious name of BISMARCK blot + With no such treason as could dim + The Roman's glory, nor, like him. + Yourself unknit _your_ "noble knot"! + +[Footnote 1: _See_ Cartoon "At the Gates," p. 151, vol. 85, year +1883.] + + * * * * * + +THAT DUTCHMAN OOMS. + +AIR--"_THE ADMIRAL'S BROOM_." + + [J.J.K. OOMS, an amateur sculler from Amsterdam, won easily + the "Diamond Sculls" at Henley this year, beating V. NICKALS, + and others of our crack oars.] + + Oh, OOMS was a champion brave and bold, + The Dutchman's pride was he; + And he cried, "I can row on the Thames, I know, + As well as the Zuyder Zee, + As well as the Zuyder Zee!" + And as his boat he set afloat, + And looked o'er the Henley tide, + He saw all England taking note, + And he trimmed his sculls and cried:--(_Bis._) + "I'll win those 'Sculls!'" said he, + "The 'Diamond Sculls' for me! + That the world may know, wherever I go + Thames yields to the Zuyder Zee!" (_Bis._) + + Cried JOHN BULL, "Here! You Dutchman queer. + To-day you must row with me; + For while I ride Thames' silver tide, + I'll be second to none," said he; + "I'll be second to none," said he. + So they blazed away at that Dutchman gay, + Stout NICKALS, brave BOYD, and all-- + _But_ the Dutchman's ship our best did whip, + And BULL cried to his merry men all, (_bis_) + "We're whipped, boys, for once," said he, + "It's a whip that's a licker to me." + Right well OOMS pulls, and the 'Diamond Sculls' + Are gone to the Zuyder Zee! + VAN TROMP with his broom made free, + But this OOMS has "swept" Hen-ley. + Here's his health! But oh! those Sculls, you know, + Must come back from the Zuyder Zee." + + * * * * * + +SOME COMFORT.--Harrow beat Eton at Lords' last week. The Etonians have +some consolation in the fact of the Head-Master of Harrow being an +Etonian. Without doing violence to their feelings, they can simply +pronounce the Head-Master's name, and say, "_Well done, Harrow!_" + + * * * * * + +NEW READING OF AN OLD GREEK PROVERB (_by a disappointed Author, whose +Work has been recently cut up in the Press_).--"[Greek: Kretai aei +Pseustai]." _I.e._, "Critics are always liars." + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: UNFAIR ADVANTAGE. + +_Gladstonian Dentist_ (_to Tory Patient_). "I HAVE THE MOST PROFOUND +ADMIRATION--MOUTH A LITTLE MORE OPEN, THANKS--FOR THAT GREAT MAN, +GLADSTONE,--AND IT WAS ONLY LAST WEEK--&c. &c. &c."] + + * * * * * + +ON THE FLY-LEAF OF AN OLD BOOK. + + It's long been loose; at last it's quite + Come out--the very thing to write + My laundry list on. Think what might + Have been upon it! + Some lines by GOLDSMITH, neatly planned, + A verse by BYRON, mighty grand, + Or even, penned by SHAKSPEARE's hand, + A song or sonnet; + + DA VINCI might have made a sketch, + Or REMBRANDT drawn a head to etch, + Or TURNER dashed some tints--'twould fetch + A thousand guineas. + Here might have been some notes, compiled + By IBSEN, MAETERLINCK, or WILDE, + On how some writers have beguiled + Some simple ninnies; + + Some words on Cooks, by RANDOLPH C., + Or Greek Home Rule, by Grand Old G., + Some Irish notes by A.J.B., + A cheque from DILLON. + How useless now to think what might + Have been, for I have blacked the white! + It is not even fit to write + A washing-bill on! + + * * * * * + +CHURCH AND BOOTH.--The Archbishop of CANTERBURY was recently a guest +at the Munching House on the occasion of an Undenominational Banquet. +His Grace, in a post-prandial speech, observed that the Salvation +Army came "fluting" among us, but he thought that the Army's success +would be as "fleeting" as it was "fluting." Neat this for his +Grace-after-dinner. This was a nice after-dinner way of giving +"_caviare_ to the General." No "laughter" appears to have followed, +so the _caviare_ was not generally taken. + + * * * * * + +LITERARY NOTE AND QUERY.--First volume of _Tacitus_ translated into +English by A.W. QUILL. Judging from a review in the _Times_ of this +instalment, it is the work of neither a soft nor hard Quill, but +a medium Quill. With such a suggestive name, this author will show +himself a Goose Quill if he does not at once turn his attention to +the History of PENN. + + * * * * * + +LADY GAY'S SELECTIONS. + +[Illustration: (Lady Gay.)] + +_The Bobolink, Henley._ + +DEAR MR. PUNCH, + +The Election at Sheepsdoor being regarded as a "moral" for our +Candidate--(what a delightful change from the _im-moral_ way in which +elections _used_ to be conducted!)--I felt it was safe for me to +wing my flight to fresh scenes and pastures new!--not that I wanted +any "new pastures," having been a _grass_-widow for some time;--but +having had enough of the "rolling billow"--(by the way, the rolling +"_Billow_" at Stockbridge didn't roll fast enough)--I yearned for the +silvery smoothness of Father Thames, so started for Henley with my +faithful _Eulalie_--(I really must change her name, it sounds like +a Swiss joedel); but, oh! my goodness!--talk about _billows_--the +Channel passage is a fool to what we found at Henley! Waves mountain +high!--(This of course is an exaggeration, but I've read it so often +in sea-novels, that I've almost come to believe it possible--it would +be nearer the truth, as dear Mrs. RAMSBOTHAM would pronounce it, I +fancy--waves "mounting high.") I had to sit all day on the roof of the +_Bobolink_, with a lifebelt or _something_ round my waist!--and having +made me acquaintance of a sweet youth who could swim, I implored him +not to leave me!--and he didn't--the whole day long. Ah! he was _very_ +nice!--I need not tell you I didn't notice the racing _much_, but I +did take an interest in _two_ of the contests; viz.--(I don't know +what "viz." means--but I _do_ know I am using it correctly)--The +Diamond Sculls, and The Ladies' Challenge. The Diamonds were +walked off, or rowed off to Holland--(great place, I'm told, for +diamonds)--by Mr. K. OOMS (who evidently "kooms" of an athletic +stock), amid the generous cheers of our defeated Englishmen! The +other--and naturally, from its title, the most important event--was +competed for by two boat-loads from Cambridge University--_Crews_, +I believe, they call them, but I always thought it was a sign of +contempt to allude to any party of people as "a crew." However +that may be, I was informed that "First Trinity had carried off the +Ladies!" (just as if they were a pack of Sabine women), and I suppose +it was true; though, in counting up the Ladies in sight, I only missed +_one_--and she, I found, had fallen into the river, and been gallantly +rescued by a spectator, who, I presume, was determined to have _his_ +share, in spite of the First Trinity Men! + +Back to town, after all was over on Thursday, to find everybody +wild with "election fever." A large group surrounding the "tape" at +the Club (I belong to the "Amazon," of course), and ordering lemon +squashes when a seat was lost, and whiskey and seltzer when the +reverse was the case! Oh, this Election! Thank goodness, I'm off to +Newmarket, to spend the week with Sir NEWMAN and Lady GATESHEAD, with +a distinct feeling of relief at getting back to business after this +fortnight of exciting relaxation! + +Next week's racing furnishes quite a lengthy _menu_, with several +attractive _entrees_, and some good "made-up-overnight" dishes; in +fact, a programme which appeals strongly to every racy palate. I do +not propose to work my way through the entire _menu_ (not being an +Alderman), and will only hint at a few of the side-dishes, which +may be worth attention reserving my great effort for the "_plat de +resistance_" at Sandown; so, at Newmarket--try just a mouthful of July +Handicap _a la_ Duke of DEVONSHIRE's "Selected;" should it choke you, +have a pat on the "Bach" when attacking the Beaufort _Stakes_; and to +wind up with dessert, worthy of a CHESTERFIELD, take a "Meddler." If +this conglomeration of good things is not too much for you, travel +back to town in time for the great race of the week; but, _if_ upset, +don't blame, + +Yours devotedly, LADY GAY. + +"ECLIPSE STAKES SELECTION." + + With _Gouverneur_, _Orme_, and such giants to run, + It needs the cool calm of a PLATO + To fix on the horse that will "capture the bun!" + But I think it will be "_Orvieto_." + + * * * * * + +OPERATIC NOTES. + +[Illustration: Fancy Sketch for a Brazen Statue of a Composer notable +for his "Horns and Brass."] + +_Tuesday._--_Premiere_ of _Elaine_. BEMBERG Composer, LEON-JEHIN +Conductor, and Sir DRURIOLANUS Producer. Full House, determined to +give New Opera a fair hearing, and sit it out. Don't get a new Opera +every day. Congratulations to BEMBERG in a general way. "In a first +Opera" (if this be his first), to quote the Composer of the recent +De-La-ra-Boom Buddha, who was complacently listening to the other +Composer's new Opera, "originality breeds contempt." So a little +bit here, and a little bit there, here a bit, and there a bit, and +everywhere a bit, gets rid of all superfluity in the Composer's +brain, and saves the listening critic much trouble. Then his next +Opera--Ah!--_that_ ought to be all genuinely new and original +Sparkling BEMBERG Cabinet. "_Elaine_," observed a lady critic, +"is graceful and airy"--which, in the lady's presence, the present +listener was not prepared to deny. + +Contented must have been Composer BEMBERG with such a cast as was made +and provided for him by Sir DRURIOLANUS. MELBA, as the "Lily Maid of +Astolat," charming, with a charming song, "_L'Amour est pur_." The +audience was in an encoring humour, but, thank goodness, only a few +encores were taken, and the others left, otherwise none of us would +have been home till sunrise. In the swan-like dying scene the Composer +wrings our heart-strings with his harp-strings, reminding everyone +forcibly that, as _Mr. Guppy_ observed, "There _are_ chords!" +Wagnerian, sometimes, is our BEMBERG, with his horns and brass. Fine +chorus at beginning of Act II.--the Tournament Act--which shows, as +a foolish person observed, "a Rummy lot at Camelot." At end of Third +Act MELBA and JEAN DE RESZKE (who must have joined the Salvation +Army, as he was, apparently, "saving himself" all the evening) were +enthusiastically called. Engaged in curtseying her thanks, MELBA +didn't notice--as, how should she?--property steps behind her, on +which, at about her tenth curtsey, she suddenly sat down about two +seconds before she could possibly realise that there was any chance of +sitting down. But JEAN LAUNCELOT DE RESZKE was there, and rescued her! +Good Knight! JEAN DE RESCUE! Then EDWARD, as _Hermit_, own brother to +_Friar Laurence_, excellent. But so were they all, and the Opera will +well repay several re-hearings. + +_Thursday._--_Aida_. Generally considered rather a heavy Opera by +VERDI. "But to-night," says WAGSTAFF, "the Verdi-ict quite t'other +way." MAUREL excellent as _Amonasro_, and MAGGIE MACINTYRE looked, +acted, and sang Maggie-nificently. Uncommonly good was GIULIA RAVOGLI +as _Amneris_, _Aida's_ rival for the love of the small-sized _Radames +Dimitresco_, or Dimi-nutive-Tresco (comparatively speaking), to whom +EDWARD DE RESZKE, being quite _a Ned_ and shoulders taller, might +spare some of his superfluous inches. + +EDWARD uncommonly good as _Ramfis_, which name, considering the +peculiar make-up, might be appropriately changed to _Rum Phiz_, and +nobody be any the worse. BEVIGNANI conducted himself and the orchestra +admirably; M. PLANCON, in English Plain Song, did all well that as _Il +Re_ he had to do, looking every inch a _Re_, and not a bit _Il_. Mlle. +BAUERMEISTER was _Una Sacerdotissa_, but she would be anything and +do everything well. Signer RINALDINI was _Un Messagiero_. His costume +might have been more effective had Sir AUGUSTUS brought him up to +date as a Messenger Boy for the Telephonie-sol-fa Company. This can be +amended. House good. + +_Friday_.--Covent Garden, _Elaine_ expected, but didn't appear. JOHN +THE RISKY, the _Launcelot_ of the Opera, unwell. "Not _Launcelot_, +but another!" cried Sir DRURIOLANUS, only there wasn't another. So +_Carmen_ was played. "Not this _Elaine_," continued Sir AUGUSTUS, "but +Drur-e-lane." So away! to hear the Trumpeter of the German Band. This +_Trompeter_ might be played as a trump in a small house, but 'tis +trumpery for Drury Lane. One phrase of an old music-hall ditty, the +words of which were, "She walked forward, _I_ followed on, tra la +la!" constantly recur. Who originated it? Unwonted excitement of +going to two Operas told on shattered frame, so staggered to Maiden +Lane, which, on account of its being the home for oysters, crabs, +and lobsters, should be renamed Mer-maiden Lane. Behold! good Dr. +BAYLIS "within the Rules" making up his evening prescriptions. +"_Quis supperabit?_" asked the learned Dr. B. "_Ego_," replied I, +like JEAMES, knowing the language. And "supper-a-bit" it was. "'84 +_wachterum unum pintum frigidum sumendum cum_ '92 _chickeno_," &c. "My +benizon on thee!" said CRITICUS REDIVIVUS. "Dr. BAYLIS, I bay-_liss_ +thee!" with the accent on the "_liss_." So home. After all the chops +and changes of this operatic life, I am with "chicken and champagne" +content. _Finis coronat opus._ + + * * * * * + +MORE CONTRIBUTIONS TO THE ALCOHOLIC QUESTION. + +(_A FEW REMARKS ON DR. ROBSON ROOSE'S ARTICLE IN NEW REVIEW._) + +[Illustration: "'Neat' Handed Phyllis." + +"A contribution to the Alcohol Question."] + +1. Inebriates should be shut up in Alcoholloway Prison. + +2. "_Food-accessory_" is a very pretty name for drink. Henceforth let +the butler go round as "the merry toast goes round." Let butlers and +footmen, in dining-rooms and places where they have various liquors, +be instructed to inquire of each and every guest "What food-accessory +will you take, Sir?" + +3. "_The use of Alcohol dates from very early times._" But it is not +recommended by the faculty as a good thing to be taken at 7 A.M., or +at any time in the morning immediately on awaking. + +As to when any one has had enough "alcohol," the old test first +put forward many years ago by _Mr. Punch_, still holds good. If +you can say "British Constitution" distinctly, and without effort, +so that it shall not be all in one composite word sounding like +"Bri'sh-conshushun," then, perhaps, you may go up-stairs (if you can) +and join the ladies. + +4. "_The liver is very prone to become affected._" The question is, +first, Is "an evil liver" or "a good liver" here intended? But, apart +from this, any affectation in a liver, good or bad, is objectionable. +It must be taken for granted, in a serious discussion on the subject, +that "a slave to his liver" is a synonym for "a livery servant." The +one objection to a livery servant lies in this very fact; for a slave +to liver is rarely in a good humour, and is generally sulky, lazy, and +disobliging. + +5. "_Wine comes in, rubs off the acerbities, and brings all down to +the same level of good humour._" The end of such a happy party is, of +course, all under the table, smiling, but speechless. + + Smiling, but beautiful they lay, + A gleam was in their half-closed eye, + But still they murmured with a sigh, + Hic-shelsher-wa'. + +Dr. ROBERTS, as quoted by his _confrere_, ROBSON ROOSETEM PASHA, +appears to be a very sensible person. Dr. ROBERTS--he is not Dr. +ARTHUR ROBERTS, we believe--recommends the liqueur to be judiciously +taken at meal-times. And, by the way, as the knowledge of when to +cry, "Hold, enough!" is most useful, here is another test of sobriety +in this very word "judicious," which some, after a couple of glasses +(or more) of fine old cognac, will pronounce as though 'twere spelt +"seducious," and some will swear it ought to be "jusidious." When +nobody can pronounce "judicious" correctly, the _arbiter bibendi_, +if himself absolutely sober as a judge ought to be,--a man quite +"above-board," i.e., not yet under it,--such a one may pronounce that +the guests have had quite enough. It is a pity that so excellent +a writer on temperance should have the singular disadvantage of a +plural name. If, after dinner, a worthy convivialist observed, "I see +ROBERTS," would not the question naturally be, "How many of 'em?" +The Doctor can omit the "s," and, as perhaps he is already a little +singular in his carefully-advanced theories, why should he not +de-pluralise his surname? Do the Doctors R.R. and R. differ on this? +Then we must decide. In the meantime, to show our approval of this +particular article of Dr. ROBSON ROOSTEM PASHA's faith, we, as a +jovial company, drink his health, and then depart for our annual +Alcoholiday trip. + + * * * * * + +LAWN TENNIS INTELLIGENCE.--BADDELAY has taken the cake. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE EXPRESSED OTHERWISE. + +(_Lady Festus At Home_--2 A.M.) + +_Hostess._ "ONLY JUST COME, SIR GEORGE? HOW GOOD OF YOU TO COME SO +LATE!"] + + * * * * * + +OUT OF IT! + +(_THE LAY OF THE NON-ELECTED._) + + Then a warm-faced functionary read the "Declaration"--when + A sort of sinking sickness took SMITH in the abdomen; + And he smiled a sickly sort of smile, and stalked out at the door, + And the subsequent proceedings interested _him_ no more! + + _Bret Harte adapted._ + + Pheugh! His poll was taken early (it was _not_ on Saturday), + And he lost by seven hundred, and is out of the fierce fray; + And whether he rejoices, or internally repines, + May be clear to the wiseacres who can "read between the lines." + + It was hot, too, while it lasted, and of epidemic ills + The Election Fever "takes the cake." 'Tis true it seldom kills, + But for far and wide contagion, and for agony acute, + Its supremacy is certain as its sway is absolute. + + And he had it very badly. He looks convalescent now, + But the frenzy of the meeting brought the crimson to his brow, + And his thorax is still husky with his eloquent appeal + To the mustered working-men at the hour of mid-day meal. + + How they swarmed about his waggon! How their oily fustian filled + The summer air with fragrance that his fine olfactories thrilled! + How very loud their shouts were, and how very rude their jeers, + And how very strong the _bouquet_ of clay pipes and bitter beers! + + His arguments amused them, and his peroration fine, + About "standing for old England stoutly all along the line," + Would have surely proved impressive, but for some sardonic ass, + Who produced an anti-climax with the shouted comment "Gas!" + + Then the mob broke up in laughter, to return to pipe and can, + And--plumped for his opponent pretty nearly to a man; + For of all ungrateful cynics, and of all impervious clowns, + Commend me (says our wanderer), to the workmen of our towns. + + Well, _experientia docet_. That confounded "local Club" + (Blend of Institute and Chapel with a savour of the pub.) + Where the pallid-faced cheesemongers, and the clammy-handed snobs, + Swarmed around to "patronise" him, was the toughest of tough jobs. + + Its rooms were wondrous stuffy and its members scarce "good form," + For they mostly dropped their aitches, and they always looked _so_ + warm. + Why political enthusiasts so run to noise and heat, + And crude manners, and bad grammar, is a _crux_ that's hard to beat. + + But he bore it,--yes, he bore it; he shook heaps of 'orny 'ands, + Heard the shindy of their shoutings, and the braying of their bands; + Stood their "heckling," which was trying, and their praises, which + were worse, + All the claims upon his time, and taste, his patience, and his + purse. + + Then they "chucked" him by three figures! Well, he's "out of it," + thanks be! + And he "offs it by the Special" to the river or the sea. + He heard the "Declaration," _and_ the rival Party's roar, + And--"the subsequent proceedings interested him no more." + + "'_Latest Results! Helections!!_' Oh, confound the boy! Get out! + Let the winners sum their winnings, let their blatant backers shout. + What have I to do with pollings? Cease, cacophonous urchin, cease! + I am going to read _The Wrecker_, and possess my soul in peace!" + + * * * * * + +"D.G." and MRS. R.--_Mr. Punch_ begs to congratulate the _Daily +Graphic_ on the electioneering ladder showing every day the position +of the Parties. Very "Happy Thought." His ancient friend, Mrs. RAM, +in speaking of this journal, observed, that "_Daily Graphic_ was not +by any means a new name, and the paper ought to have been purely +theatrical, as the person after whom it is evidently called was the +celebrated actor, you know, my dear, in the last century, whom Dr. +JOHNSON used to call 'Little Daily Graphic.'" + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: OUT OF IT! + +(_"And the subsequent Proceedings interested him no more._") + +NEWSPAPER-BOY. "'ERE Y'ARE, SIR! LATEST RESULTS O' THE POLL, SIR!" + +REJECTED CANDIDATE (_growls_). "OH! GO TO THE DEUCE!!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF. + +_Lady Godiva._ "NOW PROMISE ME, YOU DEAR GOOD MAN, PROMISE ME YOU'LL +VOTE FOR LORD JAMES, AND I'LL--_I'LL DIV YOU A TISS!_"] + + * * * * * + +THE END OF HENLEY. + +(_FRAGMENT FROM A HISTORICAL SKETCH YET TO BE WRITTEN._) + +[Illustration] + +It was shortly after the middle of July, 1892, that the Great +Representative of the British Race stood upon the Victoria Embankment, +watching the river-steamers as they passed to and fro. There were few +persons about, for the General Election was over, and civilised London +was out of Town. Some of civilised London had gone abroad, some were +in Scotland, some by the Sea. So the Great Representative expected to +see no one. + +"_Mr. Punch_, I believe!" said some one, approaching the Great +Representative. The speaker was a person who wore a garb peculiarly +suitable to the autumnal sultriness of the weather. He had about a +couple of yards of calico, and one good coating of serviceable paint. +The Great Representative bowed his head, and by a gesture, invited +further explanation. + +"I am connected with the literary world, and am a Colonist. I am +known, or used to be known (for I am getting a trifle out of date), as +Lord MACAULAY's New-Zealander." + +Again the Great Representative bowed. He knew his visitor, and bade +him welcome. Then he asked him the cause of his visit. + +"Well, I really don't know," replied the New-Zealander, with a short +laugh. "I am afraid I must have been hoaxed. I was told that England +was absolutely ruined, and was looking for a comfortable seat amongst +the remains of London Bridge." + +"You see you are slightly premature," returned the Great +Representative, pointing towards a more or less majestic pile in the +offing. "There was some talk of rebuilding the structure some short +while ago, but a viaduct near the Tower was considered preferable. +When it is opened, there will be Knighthoods for the Sheriffs, and a +Baronetcy for the Lord MAYOR." + +"And yet," pondered the New-Zealander, "I was certainly informed by +wire, that the glory of Britain had vanished for ever." + +"Very likely an Election cry," observed _Mr. Punch_, "In the midst of +a contested polling, both sides think the success of their rivals must +be followed by immediate disaster. But somehow or other, things settle +down afterwards, and nothing comes of it. Whichever side wins, the old +flag floats in the wind as gaily and as prosperously as ever." + +"And yet I was certainly told that the sun of England had set never +to rise again," persisted the Aboriginal, who seemed to be of an +obstinate turn of mind. "Now I remember--the cause was something to +do with Diamonds and Henley. Stay, the bright brains of the nation had +disappeared. I recollect, the Diamond Sculls of the nation (once so +great) had passed to foreigners." + +"Ah, now I take your meaning." said the National Representative, with +a smile, "and you must have heard of the result of the race for the +Diamond Sculls at Henley." + +"That must be it," acquiesced the New-Zealander. "I had forgotten to +take into account possible errors in transmission. But tell me, has +there been a national defeat?" + +"Well, yes," admitted _Mr. Punch_, with a sigh--"we did not +come out altogether satisfactorily. Even the second man was a +Frenchman--albeit, his name was suggestive of dear old Scotland." + +"And do you mean to say," said the New-Zealander, "that the best +scullers of England were beaten by a boating-man from the Seine?" + +"It is too true, and the Frenchman himself succumbed to a +Dutchman--yes, we confess it, and with shame." + +"I don't see why you should," returned the other, changing his tone +to one of greater satisfaction. "As a New-Zealander, I observe nothing +degrading in the superiority of Old Holland." And considering the +prowess of VAN TROMP in the past, there was perhaps nothing so strange +in the triumph of OOMS in the present. + + * * * * * + +"TO PAY OR NOT TO PAY, THAT IS THE BISLEYNESS." + +MY DEAR MR. PUNCH,--I see that the receipts of the National Rifle +Association have fallen off, and that there is a proposal to make the +Bisley Meeting this year rather more attractive than its predecessors. +The Camp is to be open, and there are to be Concerts and other +distractions. But is this enough? Once confess that Rifle-shooting +is not the sole business of the gathering, and the way is cleared for +more amusing items. All that is wanted to convert a semi-failure into +a triumphant success, is a Manager who could combine entertainment +with instruction, thus:-- + +6 A.M.--Gun-fire. The Camp awakes, and, to the music of the band, gets +up. Reserved seats in band-enclosure, sixpence extra. + +7 A.M.--Balloon Ascent. Firing at the sun with revolvers by trained +aeronauts. Seats in parachutes, five shillings a-piece. + +8 A.M.--Early performance of BUFFALO BILL before his departure for +Earl's Court. Prices as usual. + +9 A.M.--Sham Fight, augmented by Menagerie from Travelling Circus. +Cards to visit the stables, half-a-crown. + +10 A.M.--Representation of Siege Scene from Venice in London, under +the title of "The Bridge of Sighs within measuring distance of Woking +Cemetery." Season tickets, half-a-guinea. + +11 A.M.--Performance of the Battle of Waterloo by veterans, late of +Astley's Theatre. Families and schools half-price. + +12 NOON.--Visit of Royalty, and Presentation of Purses. No Purse +accepted containing less than two pounds ten. + +1 P.M.--Grand Luncheon, with speeches by the leading Military +Authorities, followed by a Smoking Concert. One-and-sixpence. + +2 P.M.--Variety Show, including several of the best Lion Comiques, +and the astounding performances of the Bounding Brothers of Bohemia. +Stalls, ten shillings. Soldiers in uniform admitted at a considerable +reduction. + +3 P.M.--Cricket Match between the famous Clown Eleven _versus_ the +Ladies' Sixteen. Grand Stand, three-and-six. + +4 P.M.--Comic Carnival, entitled, "Rollicksome Riflemen, or the +Vicissitudes of the Volunteers." Reserved Seats, ninepence. + +There, my dear Sir, I think I have written enough. If there was any +time to spare, the shooting programme might still be carried out; but +business is business, and only by the means I have indicated (in my +opinion) can Bisley be made to pay. Trusting that my suggestion may be +accepted in the spirit in which it is offered, I remain, + +Yours truly, DIVIDEND BEFORE DEFENCE. _The Money Grubberies, the +Twenty of Shillingsworth-in-the-Pound._ + + * * * * * + +ON THE THRESHOLD OF THEMIS. + +(_A Sketch in the New Law Courts in anticipation of the very +next "Cause Celebre" that may have the good fortune to enlist the +sympathies of the British Public._) + + SCENE--_A Corridor outside the Courts appropriated to the + Common Law Division of the High Court of Justice. At each of + the doors of the Court where the Great Trial of Arkass v. + Arkass and Ambo--which abounds in "scandalous revelations in + High Life"--is proceeding, a group of would-be auditors has + collected, waiting with the patience of respectable Peris for + a chance of admission to the forensic Paradise within. The + Paradise, at present, is full to overflowing, and the doors + are guarded by a couple of particularly stern and stolid + attendants. Each Peri is trying to wear out the endurance + of the rest, and to propitiate the doorkeepers by exemplary + behaviour._ + +[Illustration: No--but look _here_. I _know_ the Criminals.] + +_A Meek Man_ (_to Doorkeeper, after standing in hopeful silence for +three-quarters of an hour_). I suppose there'll be a chance of getting +in presently, eh? + +_The Doorkeeper_ (_placidly_). None whatever, Sir. + +_The M.M._ But they'll be rising for luncheon in an hour or so, and +some will be coming out then, surely? + +_Doork._ Not many; them as _are_ in stays in, mostly. + +_The M.M._ (_with a sudden recollection that he is acquainted with one +of the Counsel engaged in the case_). Couldn't you take in my card to +Mr. TANFIELD? I'm sure he'll do anything he could for me. + + [_The rest regard him with extreme disfavour, as one guilty of + unsportsmanlike behaviour._ + +_Doork._ It won't be no use--there ain't room in there as it is for a +billiard-cue--leastwise (_conscientiously_), a stoutish one--but I'll +get it taken in for you, if you _like_. + + [_He opens the door a very little, and passes the card to an + attendant within._ + +_Junior Members of the Junior Bar_ (_in very clean white wigs, with +hauteur_). Thought you had orders to let Counsel in before the general +public? There _ought_ to be some rule about that, if there isn't. + +_Doork._ So we do, Sir; but if this gentleman's a friend of Mr. +TANFIELD's, and he _arsks_ me to admit him, why you see-- + +_Junior Junior_ (_witheringly_). The convenience of mere Members of +the _Bar_ must give way, naturally! + + [_The inside Attendant returns with card, which the + Doorkeeper unlocks the door to receive, and then shuts it to + with a sharp click, like a wild-beast-tamer._ + +_Doork._ (_to the M.M., after perusing card by the dim light_). I +_told_ you it wouldn't be no use, Sir. "Please wait," it says. + + [_General movement of virtuous satisfaction at this + well-merited rebuke._ + +_The M.M._ (_wishing he had not put his trust in TANFIELD_). I--I +_have_ waited--but it don't matter. (_Addressing First White Wig, +from a timid social impulse_). The--er--Plaintiff made some remarkable +admissions in the box yesterday--his cross-examination seemed pretty +severe. + +_First White Wig_ (_after a stare at his audacity_). Cross-examination +not unfrequently _is_. (_To the other W.W._) See that extraordinary +decision of old JUBBER's in _Biling_ v. _Bulgin_? Of course they'll +appeal! + + [_The couple converse in highly technical terms for some + minutes._ + +_The M.M._ (_at the next pause_). It struck me that Colonel ARKASS +rather contradicted himself on one or two points. + +_Second W.W._ Very likely. (_To First W.W._) What do _you_ do when +you're before one of these confounded Common Law Judges, and see he's +looking up a point of Equity in a text-book during your argument? Do +you wait for him? + +_First W.W._ (_with all the decision of a Counsel who was called the +Term before last_). Wait for him? No--go on talking about anything you +like, till he's ready to listen to you again. That's what _I_ always +do! + +_An Important Stranger_ (_bustling up; to Doorkeepers_). Here, I say, +let _me_ in, will you! + +_Doork._ You a Witness in this case, Sir? + +_The Imp. S._ (_after a tell-tale pause_). Er--yes--in a sort of way, +y'know. + +_Doork._ Then _your_ entrance is down below, Sir, in the Central +'All--you'll see it written up there. + +_The I.S._ Haw--well, I'm not _exactly_ a witness, but I'm interested +in the case, y'know. + +_Doork._ So are all these Gentlemen, Sir--but they can't get in. + +_The I.S._ No--but look _here_. I _know_ the criminals--'tleast I +don't mean to call 'em _that_, y'know--hope they're all innocent, I'm +sure. I like 'em all; _danced_ with 'em, and all that, lots of times. + +_Doork._ Ah, well, you see they ain't dancin' to-day, Sir. (_The I.S. +bustles away; there is a stir within; the portion of the crowd in +Court that is visible through the glass-doors heaves convulsively, +and presently produces a stout and struggling Q.C._). Make way there! +Stand aside, gentlemen, please. Counsel coming out! + + [_Q.C. comes out, puffing, followed by his Clerk and a + Client._ + +_First W.W._ (_as the chasm in the crowd closes again_). _Now_ you can +let us in! + +_Doork._ (_stolidly_). Not yet, Sir. (_To other Doork._) I see that +party agen last night--_you_ know--him as was here making all that +shindy day afore yesterday. I went and 'ad a drink with 'im. + +_Second Doork._ (_interested_). Ah, and 'ow _was_ he? + +_First Doork._ Oh, same as usual--boozed. Told me he'd come up from +Glasgow for a week's spree--and he seems to be _'aving_ it, too. Going +'ome Saturday, so he sez. + +_Second Doork._ (_grimly_). He'll be lucky if he gets there Saturday +fortnight! + +[Illustration: IN HIS CLUTCHES. + +"WHAT A DAY OI'M HAVIN'! BEGORRA, OI'VE GOT 'EM BOILIN' ON BOTH SOIDES +AV THE ATLANTIC AT THE SAME TOIME!"] + +_Murmurs_ (_from the lucky Peris who can just see the witness-box +through the glass panel_). Who's that in the box? That's Colonel +ARKASS--finishing his cross-examination.... Doesn't seem to be +enjoying himself.... See how he's tugging at his moustache.... Got a +nasty one just then, I expect.... I'd as soon believe 'im as I would +'er--_now_.... She ain't been in the _box_ yet.... No, but she's a +reg'lar bad lot, from what was said in the opening speech. They won't +change my opinion of _'er_, whichever way the case goes! Well, I +'aven't followed it closely myself.... Oh, no more have I--but still +I've made up _my_ mind long ago about it, (&c., &c.) + +_The I.S._ (_suddenly returning, indignant_). I say, they're letting +in all _sorts_ of people--barristers, and so on--at that _other_ door! + +_Doork._ Can't 'elp that, Sir; _this_ ain't the other door--you should +speak to _them_ about it! + +_The I.S._ (_naively_). Well, I _have_--and they told me to come here! + + [_General snigger, amidst which he departs in disgust._ + +_A Small Office-Boy_ (_with a strip of paper, tied with red tape_). +Kin I see Sir HALFRID ALLABYE a moment? + +_Doork._ Sir ALFRED ain't in this Court--he's engaged in another case. + +_The O.B._ 'Is Clurk'll do--it's 'ighly important--you better lemme +_in_, I tell yer! + +_Doork._ Send in a message for yer, if that'll do. (_The O.B. says +it doesn't signify, and bolts._) Young Artful! thinks he'll sneak in, +and spend his dinner-hour there--but he _don't_! + +_The M.M._ (_who has been examining his card under a gaslight_). +I say, I've just found out that it wasn't "Please _wait_" that Mr. +TANFIELD wrote on my card--it's "Please _Admit_!" + + [_A general titter of incredulity._ + +_First W.W._ (_to Second W.W._). Ingenious--but a trifle transparent +that, eh? + + [_His friend smiles knowingly._ + +_The M.M._ (_roused_). Do you mean to suggest that I-- + + [_He chokes._ + +_First W.W._ Oh, not at all--I was speaking to my friend here. But you +really must allow that, if any preference is shown at all, it should +be given--equitably, and of right--to Members of the Bar! + +_Chorus from the other Peris._ Yes, they've stood here nearly as +long as you have. You must wait your turn, like the rest of us! No +preferences _'ere_! We've got as much right to go in as you.... If Mr. +TANFIELD wants you admitted over our heads, let him come and let you +in himself! If _any_ one goes in first, it ought to be Barristers! +(&c., &c.) + +_Doork._ (_impartially_). Well, it ain't o' much consequence, +Gentlemen, for I can't let _none_ of you in at present! + + [_The M.M. simmers with suppressed rage; wonders if it is + worth while to mention that he happens to be a Barrister + himself, and wishes to enter for the serious and legitimate + purpose of collecting material for an Essay he is contributing + on "The Abuse of Cross-Examination" to the "Nineteenth + Century." On reflection, he thinks he had better not._ + +_Doork._ (_as the crowd in Court is again convulsed_). Clear the way +there! Court rising--Counsel coming out! Ah, this _is_ Mr. TANFIELD. + +_The Peris_ (_White Wigs and all_). Now we shall _see_! + + [_They regard the M.M. with anticipatory triumph._ + +_Mr. Tanfield_ (_passing out, and recognising the M.M._). Why, my dear +MUTTON, won't they let you in? Here, come along with me! + + [_He passes his arm through the M.M.'s, walks with him to + the other door, murmurs a request for his admission, and the + next moment the M.M. is safe in the haven of his desire._ + +_The other Peris_ (_looking after him enviously_). Well, of all the +brazen impudence! + + [_They are swept aside by the current of emerging Counsel, + Spectators, &c. and re-assemble, to find the doors as + pitilessly closed against them as ever. The White Wigs + threaten to write to the "Law Times" on the subject, and are + regarded with admiration by the rest as Champions of Popular + Rights._ + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: OLD TIMES REVIVED. + +_Portrait of Candidate making his Third Speech on same day._] + + * * * * * + +RACINE, WITH THE CHILL OFF. + +[Illustration: On his Hobby.] + +Baffled by official prudery in the production of his poetic episode +from Holy Writ, yet resolved that the names of SARAH and OSCAR shall +be bracketted together on the muster-roll of genius, Mr. WILDE has +undertaken to re-write RACINE's _Phedre_ for that distinguished +actress. In his version the smoothly-chaste and insipidly-correct +verses which our grandmothers learnt to recite, and our grandfathers +pretended to admire on the lips of the classic RACHEL, will give place +to the school of BAUDELAIRE and VALLES. We have been fortunate in +obtaining an _echantillon_ of this great work. + +ACTE I., SCENE 3. _PHEDRE, OENONE._ + + _Phedre._ Je me meurs d'ennuie. Mon eventail, et vite! + + _Oenone._ Madame, je devine votre mal. Vous aimez HIPPOLYTE! + + _Phedre._ HIPPOLYTE! Imbecile, ce que j'aime est le vice, + La rime sans raison, l'audace, l'immondice, + L'horrible, l'eccentrique, le sens-dessus-dessous, + La fanfaronnade, la reclame, le sang, et la boue; + La bave fetide des bouches empoisonnees; + L'horreur, le meurtre, et le "ta-ra-boum-de-ay!" + Crois-tu que pour HIPPOLYTE j'ai le moindre estime? + Du tout! C'est mon beau fils, et l'aimer est un crime, + C'est un fat odieux, OENONE. Homme je le deteste, + Mais comme fils de mon mari l'aimer c'est l'in-- + + _Oenone._ Peste! + Que veut dire Madame? + + _Phedre._ L'inconnu l'inconvenable.[2] + Tu me coupe la parole d'une facon execrable-- + Le vice, OENONE, sais-tu ce que c'est que le vice? + Que la rose n'est pas rose avant qu'elle pourrisse? + Esprit terre-a-terre, ame bornee d'epicier, + Non, tu ne les connais pas, les delices du fumier. + Tu ne sais pas trouver tes etoiles dans l'egout, + Tes ivresses dans la fange, ton amour dans la boue. + + _Oenone._ Madame radote. C'est Venus a sa proie attachee. + + _Phedre._ Venus fin de siecle, qui se nomme Astarte, + Diablesse gigantesque, aux boyaux d'airain, + Trou rouge ou l'on jette des monceaux d'etres humains. + Grille de fer ou la chair fume, les cheveux petillent, + Choses claires qui noircissent, sombres choses qui brillent, + Choses qu'on aime le plus pour ce qu'elles n'existent pas, + Choses basses qui s'elevent, hautes choses qu'on mettent bas, + Paradis de paradoxes-- + +This brief sample of Mr. WILDE's muse may be less erudite than the +play tabooed by the LORD CHAMBERLAIN, and may show a bolder disregard +of the stringent laws which govern French versification; but it is +assuredly in harmony with the spirit of the age, and goes far to bring +RACINE up to date. + +[Footnote 2: The fact that this word is not to be found in the +dictionary must be set down as the fault of the language rather than +of the poet. If "convenable," why not "inconvenable"?] + + * * * * * + +NOTICE.--Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., +Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no +case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed +Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception. + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, Or the London Charivari, Volume +103, July 16, 1892, by Various + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH *** + +***** This file should be named 14846.txt or 14846.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/4/8/4/14846/ + +Produced by Malcolm Farmer, William Flis, and the PG Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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