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diff --git a/old/14787-h/14787-h.htm b/old/14787-h/14787-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b3240a5 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/14787-h/14787-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,3139 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd"> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"> +<head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" + content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1" /> + + <title>Punch, July 2, 1892.</title> + <style type="text/css"> + /*<![CDATA[*/ + + <!-- + body {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + p {text-align: justify;} + blockquote {text-align: justify;} + h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 {text-align: center;} + + hr {text-align: center; width: 50%;} + html>body hr {margin-right: 25%; margin-left: 25%; width: 50%;} + hr.full {width: 100%;} + html>body hr.full {margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 0%; width: 100%;} + hr.short {text-align: center; width: 20%;} + html>body hr.short {width: 20%;} + + .note, .footnote {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-size: 0.9em;} + + span.pagenum + {position: absolute; left: 1%; right: 91%; font-size: 8pt;} + + .poem + {margin-left:10%; margin-right:10%; margin-bottom: 1em; text-align: left;} + .poem .stanza {margin: 1em 0em 1em 0em;} + .poem p {margin: 0; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + .poem p.i2 {margin-left: 1em;} + .poem p.i4 {margin-left: 2em;} + .poem p.i6 {margin-left: 3em;} + .poem p.i8 {margin-left: 4em;} + .poem p.i10 {margin-left: 5em;} + + .drama {margin-bottom: 1em; text-align: left;} + .drama p {margin: 1em 0em 0em 0em;; padding-left: 2em; text-indent: -2em;} + .drama p.i2 {margin: 0; margin-left: 1em;} + .drama p.i4 {margin: 0; margin-left: 2em;} + .drama p.i6 {margin: 0; margin-left: 3em;} + .drama p.i8 {margin: 0; margin-left: 4em;} + .drama p.i10 {margin: 0; margin-left: 5em;} + + .figure, .figcenter, .figright, .figleft + {padding: 1em; margin: 0; text-align: center; font-size: 0.8em;} + .figure img, .figcenter img, .figright img, .figleft img + {border: none;} + .figure p, .figcenter p, .figright p, .figleft p + {margin: 0; text-indent: 1em;} + .figcenter {margin: auto;} + .figright {float: right;} + .figleft {float: left;} + + p.author {text-align: right;} + --> + /*]]>*/ + </style> +</head> + +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, Or The London Charivari, Volume 102, +July 2, 1892, by Various + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Punch, Or The London Charivari, Volume 102, July 2, 1892 + +Author: Various + +Release Date: January 24, 2005 [EBook #14787] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH *** + + + + +Produced by Malcolm Farmer, William Flis, and the PG Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + + +</pre> + + <h1>PUNCH,<br /> + OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.</h1> + + <h2>Vol. 102.</h2> + <hr class="full" /> + + <h2>July 2, 1892.</h2> + <hr class="full" /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page313" + id="page313"></a>[pg 313]</span> + + <h2>OPERATIC NOTES.</h2> + + <div class="figleft" + style="width:30%;"> + <a href="images/313-1.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/313-1.png" + alt="Ancient Brass-Work, in memory of Wagner the Great Worker in Brass." /> + </a>Ancient Brass-Work, in memory of Wagner the Great + Worker in Brass. + </div> + + <p><i>Wednesday.</i>—WAGNER. Vainly the Daughters of the + River, representing the floating capital of the Banks of the + Rhine, cry "Woa! Woa!" The orchestra, under the direction of + Herr MAHLER, takes no notice of them, but goes on Wagnerianly, + inexorably. Thus swimmingly we reach Walhall—where the + fire-god <i>Loge</i> has a <i>logement</i> with very heavy + insurance. <i>Wotan</i> and <i>Loge</i> in search of the gold. + Then we meet the <i>Nibelungs</i> and the <i>Nibelights</i>, + all livers under a water-cure system; and then—it's like + a musical nightmare—<i>Alberich</i> changes himself into + a toad and is towed off as a prisoner. <i>Fafner</i> settles + <i>Fasolt</i> by a drum-head Court Martial, so that + <i>Fafner</i> gets the golden honey, and <i>Fasolt</i> gets the + whacks—and—please, Sir, I don't know any + more—but some of the music is running river-like and + lovely, more is puzzling, and much of it must remind Sir + DRURIOLANUS of the rum-tum-tiddy-iddy-iddy-um-bang-whack of a + great Drury Pantomime. House full; Duke and Duchess of + EDINBURGH, with Princess MARIE and Crown Prince of ROUMANIA, + enjoying themselves Wagnerially and Rou-manically.</p> + + <p><i>Saturday.—Le Prophète.</i> JOHN DE RESZKÉ not up to + his usual form as the Sporting Prophet; but his little Brother + EDWARD, and Messieurs MONTARIOL and CASTELMARY, first-rate as + the three conspiring undertakers. Madame DESCHAMPS-JÉHIN, as + <i>Fides</i>, very fine. "House," also, very fine, and + large.</p> + <hr /> + + <div class="figright" + style="width:47%;"> + <a href="images/313-2.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/313-2.png" + alt="" /></a> + </div> + + <h3>THE BONES OF JOSEPH.</h3> + + <p>Dear <i>Mr. Punch</i>,—When writing to a Journal of + light and leaders—or misleaders—last Friday, I kept + "a little bit up my sleeve," so to speak, for the Brightest, + Lightest, and Leadingest of all papers yclept the one, Sir, + that bears your honoured name. After quoting from Mr. + CHAMBERLAIN at Holloway (not <i>in</i> Holloway) on June 17, + 1885, as a gentle reminder to Mr. GOSCHEN—<i>their</i> + "Mr. G."—I observed, "Perhaps, however, there are reasons + why the 'Egyptian Skeleton' prefers to forget the speeches of + Mr. CHAMBERLAIN in 1885." It struck me that, having already an + Egyptian Skeleton, we might have as its companion a Brummagem + Skeleton, which everyone can see through, and this sketch I beg + to submit to you, <i>pro bono publico</i>. Always, <i>Mr. + Punch</i>, your most obedient "subject" (artistically),</p> + + <p class="author">W.V. H-RC-RT.</p> + <hr /> + + <h3>THE FÊTE OF FLORA.</h3> + + <div class="figright" + style="width:50%;"> + <a href="images/313-3.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/313-3.png" + alt="First Prize—Love among the Roses." /> + </a>First Prize—Love among the Roses. + </div> + + <p>Were it not that the salutation were infelicitous, we should + have said, "Hail, all hail!" to the <i>Fête</i> at the + Botanical Gardens, Regent's Park, last Wednesday. Besides, they + have always an Aquarius of the name of WATERER on the premises, + whose Rhododendrons are magnificent. So we didn't say "All + hail!" and there was not a single drop, of rain, or in the + attendance, to damage a charming show which has so often been + spoilt by the drop too much that has floored many a <i>Fête</i> + of Flora. Nothing could have been prettier. Flowers of speech + are inadequate to describe the scene. "Simply lovely!" is the + best epitome of praise.</p> + <hr /> + + <h2>LADY GAY'S SELECTIONS.</h2> + + <p class="author"><i>The Look-out, Sheepsdoor, Kent</i>.</p> + + <p>DEAR MR. PUNCH,</p> + + <p>Ascot has been too much for me! What with the excitement of + racing all day, and bézique half the night—(another sign + of the times; women no longer "play for love," but "love to + play!")—to say nothing of the constant strain on one's + nerves as to what the weather was going to do to one's gowns, I + have had a severe attack of overwork, with complicating + symptoms of my old enemy, idleness!—so that, on my return + to town, my Doctor—(he's a <i>dear</i> man, and + prescribes just what I suggest)—insisted that I should at + once run down to the Seaside to recuperate. Hence my retirement + to the little fishing village of Sheepsdoor in Kent, "far from + the gadding crowd;" a most delightfully rural and little-known + resort, where we all go about in brown + canvas-shoes—(russia-leather undreamt of!)—and wear + out all our old things, utterly regardless of whether we look + "<i>en suite</i>" or not. The only precaution <i>I</i> take is + to carry in my pocket a thick veil, which I pop on if I see + anybody with evidences of "style" about them coming my way; + fortunately, this has only happened once, when I met a certain + well-known "Merry Duchess" and her charming little daughter, + who both failed to penetrate my disguise!</p> + + <p>I am sorry that my selected horse for the Windsor June + Handicap did not run—though the word of command was + given, "<i>Macready</i>!"—he was not told to be + "present!"—being presumably short of a gallop or two, and + therefore lacking "fire!" This little series of jokes is + proudly dedicated to the <i>Military</i>, and <i>Civilians</i> + are "warned off!"—which is another turf expression. The + much-needed rain has come at last, and the Heath should be in + fine condition, which was more than its namesake at Ascot was, + and all for want of a little attention—I am told that the + far end was all in lumps, which caused the "<i>Lover</i>" to + come down in his race—though that was hardly a surprise, + as we know that "the course of true love never <i>did</i> run + smooth!"</p> + + <p>Now—dear <i>Mr. Punch</i>, if you want a few hours' + fresh air, command the special train, which I am told, is kept + in readiness for you at every London Terminus, to transport + you—(not for your <i>country's</i> good, but <i>your + own</i>)—to Sheepsdoor, Kent, where you shall receive a + hearty welcome—Lord ARTHUR is not with me, but my French + maid will <i>chaperon</i> us—<i>if necessary</i>.</p> + + <p class="author">Yours devotedly,<br /> + LADY GAY.</p> + + <h4>STUD PRODUCE SELECTION.</h4> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>To a Circus in Lancashire, once I went,</p> + + <p class="i2">To see a performing dog dance!</p> + + <p>But, my money in vain I found I'd spent,</p> + + <p class="i2">For I much prefer a "<i>Clog + Dance</i>."</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + + <p>THE TWO SARAS OF THE SEASON.—SARA BERNHARDT and SARA + SATE.</p> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page314" + id="page314"></a>[pg 314]</span> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:100%;"> + <h3>UNA AND THE BRITISH LION.</h3>A CARTOON FROM A + BIRMINGHAM + COLLECTION.<a href="images/314.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/314.png" + alt="UNA AND THE BRITISH LION." /></a> + </div> + + <center> + <i>Whereto a Brummagem Bard hath set these Spenserian + Stanzas.</i> + </center> + + <blockquote class="note"> + <p>[Mr. CHAMBERLAIN, in his Election Address, explains how + he has co-operated with the Conservative Government in + order to maintain the Union between Great Britain and + Ireland.]</p> + </blockquote> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>The lyon would not leave her desolate,</p> + + <p>But with her went along as a strong gard</p> + + <p>Of her chast person, and a faithfull mate</p> + + <p>Of her sad troubles and misfortunes hard;</p> + + <p>And over her he kept both watch and ward,</p> + + <p>With the assistance of two valiant knightes,</p> + + <p>Prince ARTHURE, and the Red Crosse Paladin,</p> + + <p>A pair of brotherlie and doughtie wightes,</p> + + <p>Though erst had they indulged in mutual flouts and + spites.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>For loe! a divelish dragon didde infest</p> + + <p>That region, and fair UNA strove to slay.</p> + + <p>Her to protect from that prodigious pest,</p> + + <p>The Red Crosse Knight—who lived out Midland + way—</p> + + <p>Didde, with Prince ARTHURE, travel day by day,</p> + + <p>And prodded up that lyon as they strode,</p> + + <p>With their speare pointes, as though in jovial + play,</p> + + <p>To holde fair UNA, who her safety owed,</p> + + <p>Unto the puissant beaste whereon she proudlie + rode.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Anon they heard a roaring hideous sound</p> + + <p>That all the ayre with terror filled wyde,</p> + + <p>And seemed uneath to shake the stedfast ground;</p> + + <p>Eftsoones that dreadful dragon they espyde,</p> + + <p>Where stretcht he lay upon the sunny side</p> + + <p>Of a great hill, himself like a great hill:</p> + + <p>But, all so soone as he from far descryde</p> + + <p>Those glistering knights banded in right good + will,</p> + + <p>He rous'd himselfe full blyth, and hastned them + untill.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Then badd those knightes fair UNA yede aloof,</p> + + <p>Whiles they attacked that dragon side by side,</p> + + <p>And put the issue to stern battaille's proof;</p> + + <p>"We'll give this Big Green Bogey beans!" they + cryde,</p> + + <p>That Red Crosse Knight of Brummagem in his + pride,</p> + + <p>And brave Prince ARTHURE of the shining crest.</p> + + <p>But if victoriously their blades they plied,</p> + + <p>Or, baffled by the dragon, gave him + beste,—</p> + + <p>Why, that the barde will sing <i>after</i> the + battaille's teste!</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page315" + id="page315"></a>[pg 315]</span> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:100%;"> + <h3>"THROUGH DARKEST + LAMBETH."</h3><a href="images/315-1.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/315-1.png" + alt="'THROUGH DARKEST LAMBETH.'" /></a> + </div> + + <h2>POLITICS.</h2> + + <h4>(<i>By a Confused Citizen.</i>)</h4> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>What a state we'll soon be in!</p> + + <p>Such a clamour, such a din,</p> + + <p class="i2">Raised from Kew to Dalston,</p> + + <p>Cork to Cromer, Wight to Wick!</p> + + <p>Seeking votes through thin and thick,</p> + + <p class="i4">GLADSBURY and SALSTONE!</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Talk and chatter, speech and cry!</p> + + <p>Some assert, then some deny</p> + + <p class="i2">In a near or far shire;</p> + + <p>Call each other names and laugh,</p> + + <p>Jeer and chuckle, joke and chaff—</p> + + <p class="i4">DEVONCOURT and HARSHIRE!</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Still they come and still they go;</p> + + <p>Up and down, and high and low,</p> + + <p class="i2">Many more than those four.</p> + + <p>Speak in Council, speak in House,</p> + + <p>Think not yet of golf or grouse,</p> + + <p class="i4">BALBERY and ROSEFOUR.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Rush and canvass up and down,</p> + + <p>Village, hamlet, city, town,</p> + + <p class="i2">Stately street or poor lane;</p> + + <p>Start committees, advertise,</p> + + <p>Think of rousing party cries,</p> + + <p class="i4">CHAMBERLEY and MORLAIN!</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Such a fidget, such a fuss!</p> + + <p>There is no escape for us;</p> + + <p class="i2">We shall have it shortly.</p> + + <p>How I wish that both would go</p> + + <p>Off to Bath or Jericho,</p> + + <p class="i4">SALFOURLAIN, GLADCOURTLEY!</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + + <p>"Cave Kanem!"—"If," Dr. KANE is reported to have said + at the Ulster Appeal Meeting in St. James's Hall, last + Wednesday, "If they (the Ulster Irishmen) had to choose between + arbitrary oppression and an appeal for justice to the God of + battles, he (Dr. KANE) had no more doubt than he had about his + existence, that that appeal would be made, and that God would + defend the right." With the saving clause adroitly introduced + into the last sentence, everyone, except an Atheist, will + agree; and, but for this, this speech reads as an incentive to + Civil War, intended to stir up brother against brother to fight + to the death. Such sentiments may, in the future, be remembered + as marked with "the brand of KANE."</p> + <hr /> + + <p>A Difficulty.—<i>Mr. Dick</i> was unable to keep, + "King Charles the First's head" out of his literary work. So + Our OSCAR, it is said, has been unable to keep the head of St. + John the Baptist out of his play, <i>Salomé</i>, accepted by + SARAH. Hence difficulty with licenser. The real truth, we + believe, is that the head, according to received tradition, + should be brought in by <i>Salomé</i> "on a charger," and SARAH + protests against this, as she is not an equestrian.</p> + <hr /> + + <p>A New Songstress.—Mr. CUSINS, on Wednesday last, + accompanying SCHUMANN, RUBINSTEIN, & Co., may fairly be + described as "CUSINS German." A very successful Concert, + musically notable, among many notable things, for the + <i>début</i> of Miss GWLADYS WOOD, who, being vociferously + encored, gave a Tyrolean Volkslied, or "VOKES' Family" dance + and song, playing the accompaniment herself. "She ought to do + well."—I quote SHAKESPEARE, WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, the + Musician, who sang a <i>duo</i> with Mme. VALDA. The Concert + commenced with a "Septette (By DESIRE)." This is a new + Composer.</p> + <hr /> + + <div class="figleft" + style="width:27%;"> + <a href="images/315-2.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/315-2.png" + alt="The Beadle with the German Reeds' Staff." /> + </a>The Beadle with the German Reeds' Staff. + </div> + + <p>An Afternoon with Those who "Entertain" More than Anyone in + London.—"<i>Charity Begins At Home</i>" or rather it + begins at the GERMAN REEDS,' <i>after</i> CORNEY GRAIN has + finished his amusing "Vocal Recital." Then it is that + never-failing Charity begins, and goes as well as ever. ALFRED + REED is immensely funny, especially when disguised as a Charity + Girl. On no account miss the Grain of Chaff's capital French + version of CHEVALIER's Coster song about "<i>'Arry + 'Awkins</i>." It's lovely! Excellent entertainment for + everybody at St. George's Hall.</p> + <hr class="short" /> + + <p>Doctor O'Letters.—<i>July 6th</i>.—Not "D.C.L." + but "honorary degree of Doctor of Letters," is to be conferred + by Dublin University on HENRY IRVING, for masterly management + of vast correspondence. Let Oxford follow suit with a + "Postmastership of Merton." Dr. L. O'TOOLE says, "I'm satisfied + with 'L.L.L. Three Stars,' and plenty of it."</p> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page316" + id="page316"></a>[pg 316]</span> + + <h2>THE HORSE-EDUCATOR.</h2> + + <h4>(<i>A Sketch at Sydenham.</i>)</h4> + + <blockquote> + <p>SCENE—<i>An Arena at North End of Crystal + Palace.—The Arena is thickly covered with sawdust, + and occupied solely by a light American waggon. There is a + small steam-engine at one side, with an escape-pipe and + valve projecting into the Circus, and a bundle of + parti-coloured stuff is fluttering overhead opposite. From + loose-boxes, three or four horses are examining these + ominous preparations with apprehensive eyes. Enter a Portly + Gentleman in a tall hat and frock-coat, who bows to the + audience, and is but faintly applauded, owing to a + disappointed sense that the ideal Horse-trainer would not + tame in a tall hat. However, he merely appears to + introduce</i> Professor NORTON B. SMITH, <i>who, turning + out to be a slender, tall man, in a slouch hat, black + velveteen coat, breeches, and riding boots, is received + with enthusiasm.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <div class="drama"> + <p><i>The Professor</i> (<i>with a slight Transatlantic + accent</i>). The first animal On my list, Ladies and + Gentlemen, is a vurry bad shyer, afraid Of strange Objects, + Fireworks, Music, Paper. Almost <i>anything</i>, in fact. + Bring out Number One, boys. (<i>To a tall Groom and a short + one, who rush to the loose-boxes, the short Groom falling + over a drum, to the general delight. The horse who is + afraid of almost anything is brought in, and begins to + plunge at once, as though defying any</i> Professor <i>to + cure</i> him.) Now, this animal is not Vicious, he's only + Nervous.</p> + </div> + + <div class="figright" + style="width:60%;"> + <a href="images/316.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/316.png" + alt="'The short Groom falling over a drum.'" /> + </a>"The short Groom falling over a drum." + </div> + + <blockquote> + <p>[<i>The Horse appears to resent this description of + himself, and lashes out by way of contradiction.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <div class="drama"> + <p><i>Paterfamilias, in audience</i> (<i>who has a spoilt + horse at home</i>). Just what I always say about + <i>Tartar</i>—it's nerves, not vice.</p> + + <p><i>His Eldest Daughter.</i> Shall you send him here to + be cured, Father?</p> + + <p><i>Paterf.</i> No, my dear; quite unnecessary. When I + see how it's done, I shall able to take <i>Tartar</i> in + hand myself, I have no doubt.</p> + + <p><i>The Prof.</i> (<i>instructively</i>). It is natural + For a Horse when frightened at anything in Front of him, To + jump Backwards, and when frightened at anything Back of + him, To jump Forwards. (<i>Applause, in recognition of the + accuracy and observation of this axiom.</i>) Now I will + show you my method Of correcting this Tendency by means Of + my double Safety Rope and driving Rein, without Cruelty. + Always Be Humane, Never causing any Pain if you Possibly + can Help it. Fetch that Harness. (<i>The short Groom trips + again, but so elaborately as to be immediately recognised + as the funny man of the performance, after which his + awkwardness ceases to entertain. The</i> Professor + <i>shouts</i>, <i>"Woa!" and, as the horse declines to + accept this suggestion, emphasises it by pulling the double + rope, which, being attached to the animals forelegs, + promptly brings him on his knees, much to his surprise and + indignation</i>.) Never use the word "Woa!" Only when you + mean your horse To stop. Woa! (<i>horse down again, + intensely humiliated</i>.) If you mean him just To go + quiet, say "Steady!" and teach him The difference Of the + words. Never afterwards Deceiving him. (Paterf. <i>makes a + note of this on Tartar's account.</i>) Steady ... Woa! + (<i>Same business repeated; horse evidently feeling that he + is the victim of a practical joke, and depressed. + Finally</i>, Professor <i>says</i> <i>"Woa!" without + pulling, and horse thinks it better to take the + hint.</i>)</p> + + <p><i>Paterf.</i> Wonder where I could get that + apparatus—just the thing for <i>Tartar</i>!</p> + + <p><i>His Daughter</i>. But you would have to lay down such + a lot of sawdust first. And it might teach him to kneel + down whenever you said "Woa!" you know, and <i>that</i> + wouldn't do!</p> + + <p><i>Paterf.</i> Um! No. Never thought of that.</p> + + <p><i>Prof.</i> I will now introduce To his notice the Bass + Drum. (<i>The two Grooms dance about the horse, banging a + drum and clashing cymbals, at which he shies consumedly. + Gradually he appears to realise that his lines have fallen + among lunatics, and that his wisest policy is to humour + them. He does so, even to the extent of suffering the big + drum to be beaten on his head with patient + disgust.</i>)</p> + + <p><i>The Daughter</i>. You might try <i>that</i> with + <i>Tartar</i>, Father. You could have the dinner-gong, you + know.</p> + + <p><i>Paterf.</i> (<i>dubiously</i>). H'm, I'm not at all + sure that it would have the same effect, my dear.</p> + + <p><i>Prof.</i> (<i>who has vaulted on the horse's + back</i>). I will now make him familiar With an umbrella. + (<i>Opens it suddenly; horse plunges</i>.) Now, Sir, this + is nothing but an umbrella—vurry good one + too—it isn't going to hurt you; look at it!</p> + </div> + + <blockquote> + <p>[<i>He waves it round the animal's head, and finally + claps it over his eyes, the horse inspects it, and tacitly + admits that he may have been prejudiced.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <div class="drama"> + <p><i>Daughter.</i> It would be quite easy to do that, + Father. We could hide in the shrubbery with parasols, and + jump out at him.</p> + + <p><i>Paterf.</i> Not while <i>I'm</i>—Well, we must + see what your <i>Mother</i> says about that. [<i>Begins to + wish he had come alone.</i></p> + + <p><i>Prof.</i> (<i>introducing another horse</i>). This + animal is a confirmed Kicker. We'll give him a little + tinware, just to amuse him. (<i>Some tin pans and bells are + attached to the animal's tail, but, perceiving that kicks + are expected from him, his natural contrariness makes him + decline to make sport for Philistines in this manner.</i>) + Hang on more tinware, boys! Some persons here may feel + Disappointed that he Doesn't kick. Remember—that is + not My Fault. They can't be too vicious to please me. + (<i>The Horse sees his way to score, and after bearing + various trials in a spirit of Christian resignation, leaves + the Arena, consoled by the reflection that no one there got + much fun out of</i> him, <i>at all events. A Jibber is + brought in; the</i> Professor <i>illustrates his patent + method of teaching him to stand while being groomed, by + tying a rope to his tail, seizing the halter in one hand + and the rope in the other, and obliging the horse to + perform an involuntary waltz, after which he mounts him and + continues his discourse.</i>) Now it occasionally happens + To some riders that when they want To go down G. Street, + their horse has a sort of idea he'd like to go up E. + Street, and he generally <i>does</i> go up it too!</p> + + <p><i>A Sister</i> (<i>to her Brother</i>). ROBERT that's + just like the horse <i>you</i> rode that last time, isn't + it?</p> + </div> + + <blockquote> + <p>[ROBERT <i>doesn't answer, fervently hoping that his + Sister's Pretty Friend has not overheard this + comment.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <div class="drama"> + <p><i>The Prof.</i> Well, the way to overcome that is just + to turn the animal round—so—several times till + he gets dizzy and forgets where E. Street is, and then he + says to himself, "I guess I'd better go wherever the + gentleman wants!"</p> + + <p><i>The Sister.</i> ROBERT's horse turned round and round + like that—<i>didn't</i> he, ROBERT? [ROBERT <i>turns + rather red and grunts.</i></p> + + <p><i>Her Pretty Friend.</i> And then did he go where your + brother wanted him to?</p> + + <p><i>The Sister.</i> Oh yes, at last. (ROBERT <i>breathes + more freely.</i>) Only without ROBERT. [ROBERT <i>wonders + bitterly why on earth a fellow's Sisters should try to make + him out a regular muff like this.</i></p> + </div> + + <blockquote> + <p>[<i>Two more horses are brought out, put in double + harness in the light waggon, and driven round the Arena by + the</i> Professor. <i>A steam whistle is let off over their + heads, whereupon they rear and plunge, and back + frantically, the</i> Professor <i>discoursing unperturbed + from the waggon. After a few repetitions of this, the + horses find the steam-whistle out as a brazen impostor, and + become hardened sceptics from that moment. They despise + the</i> Comic Groom <i>when he prances at them with a flag, + and the performance of the</i> Serious Man <i>on the + cymbals only inspires them with grave concern on his + account. The bundle of coloured rags is let down suddenly + on their heads, and causes them nothing but contemptuous + amusement; crackers bang about their heels—and they + pretend to be pleased; the</i> Funny Groom (<i>who is, by + this time, almost unrecognisable with sawdust</i>), <i>gets + on the near horse's back and bangs the drum on his head, + but they are merely pained by his frivolity. Finally he + throws an armful of old newspapers at them, and they + exhibit every sign of boredom. After this, they are + unharnessed and sent back to their boxes—a pair of + equine Stoics who are past surprise at anything on this + earth.</i>]</p> + </blockquote> + + <div class="drama"> + <p><i>The Prof.</i> (<i>concluding amidst loud + applause</i>). Ladies and Gentlemen, I have only To say + that I don't carry any horses About with me, and that if + anyone here has a vicious Or nervous animal, and likes to + send him to me, I will undertake to handle him free of all + charge.</p> + + <p><i>Paterf.</i> I shall have <i>Tartar</i> sent + here—less trouble than trying the methods + myself—and safer.</p> + + <p><i>Prof.</i> And after I have treated the animal as you + have seen, the Proprietor will only have to repeat the + process himself for a week or so, and I guarantee he will + have a thoroughly broke + horse.</p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page317" + id="page317"></a>[pg 317]</span> + + <p><i>The Daughter</i>. There, you see, Father, some of the + taming will <i>have</i> to be done at home!</p> + + <p><i>Paterf.</i> (<i>who doesn't quite see himself dancing + about</i> Tartar <i>with a drum, or brandishing an umbrella + on his back</i>). Well, TOPPIN will take the horse over, + and he'll be here and see how it's done. I can't be + bothered with it myself. I've too much to do!</p> + + <p><i>The Daughter</i>. I wish you would. I'm sure + <i>Tartar</i> would rather <i>you</i> tamed him than + TOPPIN!</p> + </div> + + <blockquote> + <p>[Paterf. <i>while privately of opinion that this is not + unlikely, sees no necessity to consider his horse's + preferences in the matter</i>.</p> + </blockquote> + <hr /> + + <h2>ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.</h2> + + <h3>EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.</h3> + + <p><i>House of Commons, Monday, June 20</i>.—Black Rod + got up little joke to-night by way of relieving the weight of + these mournful parting moments. As soon as House met, word went + round that, in absence of Mr. G., and other Leaders of the + Opposition, SAGE OF QUEEN ANNE'S GATE intended to take Prince + ARTHUR in hand, and insist on his making clean breast of date + of Dissolution. A Royal Commission arranged in other House. + Black Rod despatched to summon Commons to assist at ceremony. + "The SAGE wants the House of Lords abolished, does he?" said + Black Rod, to his friend the White Elephant. "Very well; but + before it's done, I'll bet you 100 to 1, as JOHN MORLEY says, + that I, as representative of the Lords, will make him shut up, + and pretty sharp too. He little knows there's a Rod in pickle + for him, and a Black 'un, too."</p> + + <p>Everything worked out as it was planned. On Motion for Third + Reading of Appropriation Bill, SAGE, in his most winning way, + invited Prince ARTHUR to name the happy day. Black Rod, getting + tip, hurried across Lobby; reached the door just as SAGE was in + middle of a sentence. "Black Rod!" roared Doorkeeper, at top of + his voice. SAGE paused, looked with troubled glance towards + door, stood for a moment as if he would resist the incursion, + and catching sight of sword by Black Rod's side, abruptly sat + down amid general titter.</p> + + <div class="figright" + style="width:18%;"> + <a href="images/317-1.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/317-1.png" + alt="'Stopped on the threshold.'" /></a>"Stopped on + the threshold." + </div> + + <p>Still winding-up business. GEORGE CURZON explained Indian + Budget to PLOWDEN, and Rev. SAM SMITH, who thought it very + good. So it was, comprehensive, lucid, here and there + brightened with felicitous touches of eloquence.</p> + + <p>"Pity," said GRAND CROSS, when I mentioned to him the + depressing circumstances attendant upon delivery of speech; + "CURZON's a clever youth. When he's been with me a month or + two, he'll brighten up considerably. Great advantage for a + young man to have such guidance, coming into almost daily + contact with a person like his present Chief. The fact is, + TOBY, I am really responsible for the state of the House + to-night. The country, England and India alike, are so + satisfied with my rule over what I may, perhaps without + offence, call our dusky Empire, that people do not think it + worth while to go down to House to hear the affair discoursed + on by my Under-Secretary. Amongst the natives in India, I'm + told, I'm regarded as a sort of Fetish. Travellers in remote + regions bring home stories of finding, set up in humble + cottages, little images, more or less resembling me. GORST told + me they have a saying there, which he was good enough to + translate. His knowledge of Hindustanee is extensive, peculiar, + and acquired with remarkable rapidity. These are the lines:</p> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>If you'd never make a loss,</p> + + <p>Put your money on GRAND CROSS.</p> + </div> + </div> + + <p>A free translation, GORST says, but gives you the swing and + the spirit of the distich. Rather hard on CURZON that my + popularity should spoil his speech, but a good thing for the + country."</p> + + <p><i>Business done</i>.—Budget brought in.</p> + + <p><i>Tuesday</i>.—Wonderfully good muster in Lords + to-night. Every man upon his mettle. As the MARKISS says, with + that epigrammatic style that makes him so delightful, "The + first duty of a Peer is to appear." Those Radicals been + protesting that talk about necessity for prolonging Session + over week all a flam. Simply meant to make it impossible for + our delicate friend, the British Workman, to get to poll. Peers + must show they mean business, by turning up with regularity and + despatch.</p> + + <div class="figright" + style="width:24%;"> + <a href="images/317-2.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/317-2.png" + alt="'All over at last!'" /></a>"All over at last!" + </div> + + <p>Appeal to patriotic feelings nobly answered; nearly a + hundred Lords in place to-night. CHELMSFORD, walking down with + his umbrella, just about to add a unit to the number; stopped + on the threshold by strange sight; looking in from room beyond + the Throne, sees DENMAN standing at Table, shaking his fist at + Prime Minister. DENMAN is wearing what CHELMSFORD, who is + short-sighted, at first took to be red Cap of Liberty. But it's + nothing more dangerous than a red skull-cap, designed to resist + draughts. Needn't be red, but it is. Business before House, + Third Reading of Small Holdings Bill Occurs to DENMAN to move + its rejection; talks for ten minutes; difficulty to catch his + remarks; understood from fragmentary phrases to be extolling + someone as a luminous Statesman; seeing measure before the + House is Small Holdings Bill, noble Lords naturally conclude + he's talking about CHAPLIN. MARKISS interposes; says, "Noble + Lord not speaking to Bill before House."</p> + + <p>It was at this moment CHELMSFORD arrived. Saw DENMAN draw + himself up to full height, shake his fist at the MARKISS, and + this time at full pitch of quivering voice cry, "Ha! ha! you + wish to <i>clôture</i> me again, do you? I'm very much obleeged + to you. I have a right to refer in a hereditary assembly to the + best man that ever stood in it."</p> + + <p>Then noble Lords knew it couldn't have been CHAPLIN. Not + yet.</p> + + <p><i>Business done</i>.—Still winding it up.</p> + + <p><i>Tuesday, June 28</i>.—Parliament prorogued and + dissolved. "All over at last," says ROSCOE, putting it in + another and more original way. Few to part where (six years + ago) many met. Still some, chiefly Metropolitan Members, remain + to see the last of the old Parliament.</p> + + <p>"Good-bye, TOBY," Prince ARTHUR says, after we've shaken + hands with the SPEAKER. "Shall see you again in August. + <i>You</i>'re all right. One of those happy fellows who are + returned unopposed. As for me, I have to fight for my seat, and + my life."</p> + + <p>"You'll come back too," I said; "but you'll be sitting on + the other side of House. What'll you do when you're in + Opposition?"</p> + + <p>"I'll go to the Opera every Wednesday night," said Prince + ARTHUR, with a gleam of joy lighting up his face.</p> + + <p><i>Business done</i>.—Parliament dissolved.</p> + <hr /> + + <div class="figright" + style="width:23%;"> + <a href="images/317-3.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/317-3.png" + alt="" /></a> + </div> + + <p>NEWS ABOUT BISMARCK FOR THE BRITISH PUBLIC.—Professor + SCHWENINGER, the Bizzy B.'s private physician, writes privately + to <i>Mr. Punch</i> the following news about his distinguished + patient. "Tell the B.P. that P.B. sleeps like a top. This is no + hum. He is up at 7 A.M., and wishes everyone 'the top of the + mornin' to you,' puts on his top-boots and top-hat, and then + goes out for a spin."</p> + <hr class="short" /> + + <p>FROM A CORRESPONDENT ANENT THE TRUSTEES, MESSRS. COHEN AND + LEVY, AND THE GIFT OF £350,000 FOR LIVERPOOL AND + MANCHESTER.—Sir,—It has been asked, what will they + do with it? Liverpool and Manchester are both millionnaires and + millowners too. Why not send a little to <i>me</i>? Who's + Cohen, I mean who's goin' to Leave-y <i>me</i> anything? No + spare Cohen—or Coin—ever comes <i>my</i> way! Would + that a Co-hen would lay for me a golden egg as valuable as the + Kohenore! Sir, I am of Irish extraction, and the Irish are of + Hebraic origin, so I have some claim. Why? Because Irishmen are + Hebrews first and Irish afterwards. The first settlers on + settling-day in Ireland were Hebrews to a man, and isn't it + clear that "Liffey" was originally "Levy?"</p> + + <p class="author">Yours impecuniously,<br /> + THE O'DUNAHOO.<br /> + <i>With the accent on the "Owe" and the "Dun"</i></p> + + <p><i>Leafy June 30</i>.</p> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page318" + id="page318"></a>[pg 318]</span> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:100%;"> + <a href="images/318.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/318.png" + alt="'ACCORDING TO HIS FOLLY!'" /></a> + + <h3>"ACCORDING TO HIS FOLLY!"</h3> + + <p><i>Hostess</i>. "I'VE GOT <i>SUCH</i> A COLD TO-DAY. I + FEEL QUITE <i>STUPID</i>!"</p> + + <p><i>Prize Idiot</i> (<i>calling</i>). "I'VE GOT A BAD + COLD TOO; BUT <i>I</i> DON'T FEEL PARTICULARLY STUPID!</p> + + <p><i>Hostess</i>. "AH, I SEE YOU'RE NOT QUITE + YOURSELF!"</p> + </div> + <hr /> + + <h2>THE POLITICAL JOHNNY GILPIN.</h2> + + <blockquote> + <p>(<i>Lately-discovered Fragments of a Grand Old Ballad, + the Sequel to which may—or may not—turn up + later on.</i>)</p> + </blockquote> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>JOHN GILPIN was a patriot</p> + + <p class="i2">Of credit and renown;</p> + + <p>A Grand Old Leader eke was he,</p> + + <p class="i2">Of famous London town.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>JOHN's Liberal Lady said, "Oh, dear!</p> + + <p class="i2">Out in the cold we've been</p> + + <p>These seven tedious years, and have</p> + + <p class="i2">No chance of Office seen.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>"To-morrow is Election Day,</p> + + <p class="i2">And we may then repair</p> + + <p>Our Party-split a little bit,—</p> + + <p class="i2">That is—if you take care!</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>"Our Sisters, and the Labour lot,</p> + + <p class="i2">Need soothing, you'll agree;</p> + + <p>If we can all together ride,</p> + + <p class="i2">I think we'll have a spree."</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>He soon replied, "I do admire</p> + + <p class="i2">Of Liberal Dames but one,</p> + + <p>And you are she, my dearest dear;</p> + + <p class="i2">Therefore it shall be done!</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>"I am a Programme-rider bold,</p> + + <p class="i2">As all the world doth know,</p> + + <p>And my good friend the Party 'Whip'</p> + + <p class="i2">Will teach me how to go."</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Quoth the good dame, "Liquor we'll want,</p> + + <p class="i2">The 'Union Tap' is queer;</p> + + <p>We'll furnished be with our own 'Blend,'</p> + + <p class="i2">Scotch-Irish bright and clear."</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>JOHN GILPIN kissed his partner shrewd;</p> + + <p class="i2">O'erjoyed was he to find</p> + + <p>That, though on conquest she was bent,</p> + + <p class="i2">She had a prudent mind.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <hr class="short" /> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>JOHN GILPIN, at his horse's side,</p> + + <p class="i2">Seized fast the flowing mane,</p> + + <p>And up he got, in haste to ride,</p> + + <p class="i2">But soon came down again.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>For saddle-tree scarce reached had he,</p> + + <p class="i2">His journey to begin.</p> + + <p>When, turning round his head, he saw</p> + + <p class="i2">Queer customers come in.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>So down he came; for loss of time,</p> + + <p class="i2">Although it grieved him sore,</p> + + <p>Yet loss of Votes, full well he knew,</p> + + <p class="i2">Would trouble him much more.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>'Twas long, ere these queer customers</p> + + <p class="i2">Were suited to their mind,</p> + + <p>When SCHNADDY, shouting, came down stairs,</p> + + <p class="i2">"The tipple's left behind!"</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>"Good lack!" quoth he, "yet bring it me,</p> + + <p class="i2">My leathern belt likewise,</p> + + <p>In which I bear my trusty blade</p> + + <p class="i2">When foes I 'pulverise.'"</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>His Liberal Lady (careful soul!)</p> + + <p class="i2">Had two big bottles found,</p> + + <p>To hold the liquor that she loved,</p> + + <p class="i2">And keep it safe and sound.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Each bottle had a curling ear,</p> + + <p class="i2">Through which the belt he drew,</p> + + <p>And hung a bottle at each side,</p> + + <p class="i2">To keep his balance true.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Then, over all, that he might be</p> + + <p class="i2">Equipped from top to toe,</p> + + <p>His long green cloak, well-brushed and neat,</p> + + <p class="i2">He manfully did throw.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Now see him mounted once again</p> + + <p class="i2">Upon his docile steed,</p> + + <p>Full slowly pacing o'er the stones,</p> + + <p class="i2">With caution and good heed.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>It might have been a smoother road,</p> + + <p class="i2">Nor was it nice to meet</p> + + <p>First off, a Pig, who GILPIN bold</p> + + <p class="i2">With stubborn grunt did greet.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>So fair and softly! JOHNY cried,</p> + + <p class="i2">But—</p> + </div> + </div> + + <blockquote> + <p>[<i>Here the fragment, so far as at present discovered, + abruptly endeth.</i></p> + </blockquote> + <hr /> + + <p>TIP FROM OUR OWN BOOKING-OFFICE.—Persons about to go + to the Country, whether to defend their own seat or attack + someone else's, can't do better, my Baronite says, than take + with them P.W. CLAYDEN's <i>England Under Coalition</i>, just + published by FISHER UNWIN. It's not much to carry, but it's + worth the trouble of packing up; also of unpacking, and + reading. It tells the story of two Parliaments and three + Governments. A pretty story it is, more interesting than most + novels, and in one volume too. A marvel of condensation and + lucid narrative. Only one thing lacking to a work likely to be + constantly used for reference, and that is an index. "But you + can't have everything," as <i>Queen Eleanor</i> said to <i>Fair + Rosamond</i> when, having swallowed the contents of the + poisoned chalice, she asked for a dagger.</p> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page319" + id="page319"></a>[pg 319]</span> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:100%;"> + <a href="images/319.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/319.png" + alt="THE POLITICAL JOHNNY GILPIN." /></a> + + <h3>THE POLITICAL JOHNNY GILPIN.</h3> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>"NOW SEE HIM MOUNTED ONCE AGAIN</p> + + <p>UPON HIS NIMBLE STEED,</p> + + <p>FULL SLOWLY PACING O'ER THE STONES,</p> + + <p>WITH CAUTION AND GOOD HEED."</p> + </div> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page321" + id="page321"></a>[pg 321]</span> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:65%;"> + <a href="images/321.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/321.png" + alt="OBVIOUS." /></a> + + <h3>OBVIOUS.</h3> + + <p><i>Buttons</i> (<i>fresh from the Country, evidently no + French Scholar</i>). "I SAY, MARY, THE GUV'NOR AND MISSUS + ARE DINING OUT TO-NIGHT. BUT I CAN'T FOR THE LIFE OF ME + MAKE OUT WHAT A <i>R</i>, A <i>S</i>, A <i>V</i>, AND A + <i>P</i> MEAN ON THIS 'ERE CARD!"</p> + + <p><i>Smart Housemaid</i>. "WHY, OF COURSE IT MEANS THEY'RE + GOING TO HAVE <i>R</i>UMP <i>S</i>TEAK AND <i>V</i>EAL + <i>P</i>IE!"</p> + </div> + <hr /> + + <h2>ELECTION NOTES.</h2> + + <h4>(<i>By Mr. Punch's Special Commissioner.</i>)</h4> + + <p>DEAR SIR,—I am glad you consented eventually to the + terms I proposed. After all, £100 a-week (<i>and expenses</i>) + is a mere trifle for the arduous work I expect to do for you. + According to your instructions, I arrived three nights ago in + the ancient borough of Bunkham-on-the-Marsh, and at once took + steps to pursue those inquiries which are necessary for a + satisfactory estimate of the political situation. My experience + as a lightning change <i>artiste</i> is quite invaluable. I + visit the Liberal Committee-rooms, and attend Liberal meetings + in a complete suit of corduroys and horny hands. Five minutes + afterwards I find myself in a military moustache, a frock coat, + and patent leather boots at the Conservative head-quarters. In + the former disguise I enthusiastically advocate the Newcastle + Programme, and denounce the base minions of Coercion. In the + latter I rouse Conservative partisans to frenzy by my + impassioned appeals on behalf of one Queen, one Flag, one + Empire, and a policy of enlightened Conservative progress. I + can highly recommend my two perorations, in one of which I + consign Mr. GLADSTONE to eternal infamy, while in the other I + hold up Lord SALISBURY to the derision of mankind.</p> + + <p>I send you herewith extracts from the two newspapers + published in Bunkham. The <i>Bunkham News</i> is the organ of + the Liberals; the <i>Bunkham Standard</i> (with which are + incorporated the <i>Bunkham Messenger</i> and the <i>Bunkham + Guardian and Mangelhire Express</i>) expresses the views of the + Conservatives in this important district.</p> + + <table summary="news"> + <tr> + <td width="49%"> + <center> + <i>The Bunkham News.</i> + </center> + </td> + + <td></td> + + <td> + <center> + <i>The Bunkham Standard.</i> + </center> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="left" + valign="top">At last! The period of subterfuges and + evasions is past. Fraud and dishonesty have had + their day, Coercion has done its worst, and the + time has come when the most scandalous and + disgraceful Government of which history bears + record, will have to submit itself for judgment to + the opinions of those who are dishonoured by being + its fellow-countrymen. We can have no doubt + whatever as to what the result of the contest will + be in this enlightened constituency. The men of + Bunkham have been at all times noted for their love + of freedom and justice, and for their hatred of + those who base themselves upon oppression and + iniquity. The Liberal Candidate, Mr. HENRY PLEDGER, + has now been before the Constituency for more than + a year. Wherever he has gone he has been received + with unparalleled demonstrations of enthusiasm by + the immense majority of our fellow-townsmen. His + eloquence, combined with his engaging manners, have + won all hearts. The fight will be short, but + severe. Men of Bunkham, will you lag in the rear? + The issue is to those who work from now to the + polling day. If you only make a united effort, + triumph is assured.</td> + + <td></td> + + <td align="left" + valign="top">The date of the Dissolution has been + fixed, and by making it impossible for the + Elections to be held on a Saturday, the Government + have given one more proof of their deep and sincere + devotion to the highest interests of the + working-classes. There never has been any Ministry, + we make bold to say, whose record will better bear + the fierce light of public investigation. + Grievances have been redressed, moderate reforms, + such as the country desired, have been passed into + law, and turbulence and outrage have been + repressed. No body of men ever deserved more fully + what they now possess, and are sure to + retain—the confidence and gratitude of their + fellow-citizens. Our Member, Mr. TUFFAN, has borne + a not unimportant part in assisting the Government + by his presence in the House of Commons. His manly, + straightforward integrity, and his universal + generosity, have endeared him to all classes in + Bunkham. We look forward with absolute confidence + to his return by an immense majority. From the + disorganised ranks of our adversaries there is + little to fear. Let us stand shoulder to shoulder, + and leave no stone unturned to win a victory which + is even now within our grasp.</td> + </tr> + </table> + + <p>I have had interviews with prominent politicians on both + sides, and have been assured on both sides, that victory is + certain. Both Candidates are constantly occupied in driving all + over the borough in pair-horse carriages, lavishly decorated + with the party colours, orange for the Liberals, blue for the + Conservatives. Mrs. PLEDGER is magnificent in an orange silk + dress; Mrs. TUFFAN overwhelms me with blue ribbons. Master + PLEDGER waves an orange banner in every street; Miss TUFFAN + distributes blue cards in all the shops. The Liberal + Committee-rooms are ablaze with pictures of Mr. GLADSTONE; the + Conservative Office flames with Union Jacks, and other Imperial + devices. Eight meetings are to be held in different parts of + the Constituency to-night. Immense efforts are being made to + capture the votes of the Association of Jam Dealers, which has + its chief factory here. Master PLEDGER has just gone by in a + Victoria, with a huge pot of "Bunkham Jam" on the seat in front + of him. He had a spoon, and was apparently enjoying himself. + This manoeuvre has much depressed the Conservatives, who + consider it disgraceful. More next week.</p> + + <p class="author">Yours always, THE MAN IN THE MOON.</p> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page322" + id="page322"></a>[pg 322]</span> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:100%;"> + <a href="images/322.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/322.png" + alt="A RACE FOR THE COUNTRY. CLAIMING THE LAND." /> + </a> + + <h3>A RACE FOR THE COUNTRY. CLAIMING THE LAND.</h3>(<i>By + Our Americanised Artist</i>.) + </div> + <hr /> + + <p>NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, + whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any + description, will in no case be returned, not even when + accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or + Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.</p> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page323" + id="page323"></a>[pg 323]</span> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:100%;"> + <a href="images/323.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/323.png" + alt="Index" /></a> + </div> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Advice Gratis, 291, 305</p> + + <p>After Dinner—at the Close of the Year, 1</p> + + <p>After the Event, 268</p> + + <p>"Airy Fairy Lilly 'Un!" 125</p> + + <p>"All's (Fairly) Well," 189</p> + + <p>"And a good Judge, too," 87</p> + + <p>Anglo-American French, 108</p> + + <p>Another Rural Conference, 37</p> + + <p>Another Shakspeare, 133</p> + + <p>Any Man to any Woman, 227</p> + + <p>April Showers, 198</p> + + <p>Archdeacon Answered (The), 310</p> + + <p>"Are you Hansard now?" 133</p> + + <p>'Arry Examined, 15</p> + + <p>'Arry on Wheels, 217</p> + + <p>Ars Longa, 221</p> + + <p>Art in the City, 232</p> + + <p>Atrabilious Liverpool, 6</p> + + <p>Aspirations, 262</p> + + <p>At Mrs. Ram's, 42</p> + + <p>Attack on the "Capital" (The), 66</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Bachelor's Growl (A), 294</p> + + <p>Berlin Citizen's Diary (A), 190</p> + + <p>Better and Better, 268</p> + + <p>"Beyond the Dreams of Avarice," 161</p> + + <p>Bird of Prey (A), 230</p> + + <p>Blizzard from the North, 278</p> + + <p>Boat-Race Day, 169</p> + + <p>Bogie Man (The), 138</p> + + <p>Bones of Joseph (The), 313</p> + + <p>Bos <i>v</i>. Boss, 9</p> + + <p>Bounds of Science (The), 182</p> + + <p>Boxing Imbroglio (The), 39</p> + + <p>Brawling at Home and Abroad, 179</p> + + <p>Breaking, 186</p> + + <p>Brer Fox and Old Man Crow, 281</p> + + <p>Bridal Wreath (The), 42</p> + + <p>Broken Bonds, 182</p> + + <p>Brother Brush, A.R.A., 65</p> + + <p>Brown-Jones Incident (The), 197</p> + + <p>Burial of the "Broad Gauge" (The), 266</p> + + <p>Burning Words, 237</p> + + <p>"Butchered to make ——," 147</p> + + <p>Butter and Bosh, 138</p> + + <p>By a Small Western, 93</p> + + <p>By One of the Unemployed, 289</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Capital! 25</p> + + <p>"Call you this Backing your Friends?" 218</p> + + <p>Cardinal Manning, 39</p> + + <p>"Cave Kanem!" 315</p> + + <p>Change of Name suggested, 42</p> + + <p>Charles Haddon Spurgeon, 73</p> + + <p>"Charles, his Friends," 83</p> + + <p>Chef's New Dish for Travellers (The), 124</p> + + <p>Chimes (The), 2</p> + + <p>Christmas in Germany, 24</p> + + <p>Churlish Cabman (The), 157</p> + + <p>City Men, 94</p> + + <p>"Clerk me no Clerks," 153</p> + + <p>Climatic Nomenclature for the New Year, 6</p> + + <p>Cockney Classics, 179</p> + + <p>"Combining Amusement with Instruction," 100</p> + + <p>"Come hither, Hubert!" 69</p> + + <p>Coming of Ninety-Two, 6</p> + + <p>Complicated Case, 89</p> + + <p>Confessions of a Duffer, 35, 45, 49, 76, 97, 125, + 141, 169, 202, 229, 256, 285</p> + + <p>Connected with the Press, 189</p> + + <p>Considerate, 265</p> + + <p>Couplet by a Cynic, 222</p> + + <p>Courier of the Hague (The), 289</p> + + <p>Court Cards, 233</p> + + <p>Covent Garden Masque (The), 37</p> + + <p>Cries without Wool, 48, 129</p> + + <p>Criterion of Morals (A), 225</p> + + <p>Crossed-Examination, 24</p> + + <p>Cross-Examiner's Vade Mecum (The), 27</p> + + <p>Cupid's Tennis-Courts, 81</p> + + <p>Cursory Observation (A), 213</p> + + <p>"Cuts!" 303</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Dangerous Title (A), 72</p> + + <p>Dawn of a New Era (The), 48</p> + + <p>Day at Antwerp (A), 277</p> + + <p>"Deadly Cigarette" (The), 252</p> + + <p>Death in the Pop, 124</p> + + <p>Dentist's Waiting-Room (A), 261</p> + + <p>"De Profundis," 209</p> + + <p>Destroying the Spider's Web, 159</p> + + <p>Dialogue of the Future (A), 37</p> + + <p>Dissolution—(as the Enemy of the London + Season), 290</p> + + <p>Dogs and Cats, 94</p> + + <p>Doing the Old Masters, 121</p> + + <p>Dreams, 131</p> + + <p>Drinks and Dramas, 189</p> + + <p>Duke of Devonshire (The), 1</p> + + <p>Dynamite Dragon (The), 186</p> + + <p>Dynamitical Arguments, 21</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Earl's Court Idyl (An), 304</p> + + <p>Early Spring, 229</p> + + <p>Effectively Settling it, 172</p> + + <p>Election Notes, 321</p> + + <p>Empty Triumph (An), 172</p> + + <p>Encounter, 124</p> + + <p>Entêtement Britannique, 133</p> + + <p>Episcopacy in Danger, 268</p> + + <p>Essence of Parliament, 84, 90, 102, 114, 131, 143, + 155, 166, 179, 190, 227, 238, 244, 264, 274, 286, 300, + 310, 317</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Fair Philosopher (A), 41</p> + + <p>Fair Traders, 261</p> + + <p>Fancy Ball (The), 106</p> + + <p>Fête of Flora (The), 313</p> + + <p>Fettered, 195</p> + + <p>Fogged! 21</p> + + <p>Force of Example (The), 135</p> + + <p>Foreign and Home News, 73</p> + + <p>"Foresters" (The), 161</p> + + <p>Free and Easy Theatres, 36</p> + + <p>"Frogs" at Oxford (The), 145</p> + + <p>From a Lahore Paper, 298</p> + + <p>From Parliamentary Exam. Paper, 99</p> + + <p>From Robert, 174</p> + + <p>From the Shades, 262</p> + + <p>From the Theatres, &c., Commission, 198</p> + + <p>Fudge Formula (A), 118</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>General's Little Fund (The), 242</p> + + <p>Gifted Being (A), 310</p> + + <p>Gifts for the New Year, 9</p> + + <p>Girls of the Period, 305</p> + + <p>Gladstonian Mem (A), 47</p> + + <p>Good Grace-ious! 85</p> + + <p>Good News indeed! 36</p> + + <p>Great Loss to Everybody (A), 135</p> + + <p>Greek meets Greek, 9</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>"Hair-Cutting, Singeing, and Shampooing," 136</p> + + <p>Hamlet in half an hour, 281</p> + + <p>Hamlet in the Haymarket (The), 185</p> + + <p>Hamlet; or, Keeping it Dark, 225</p> + + <p>"Hard to Beer!" 25</p> + + <p>Haunted House (The), 250</p> + + <p>"Heavens!" 69</p> + + <p>High (Beerbohm) Treason! 65</p> + + <p>History as she is Played! 273</p> + + <p>Hero of the Summer Sale (The), 60</p> + + <p>Honour of the Bar (The), 48</p> + + <p>Horace in London, 93, 120, 137, 149, 269, 312</p> + + <p>Horse-Educator (The), 316</p> + + <p>Hospitality à la Mode, 145</p> + + <p>How they bring the Good News, 214</p> + + <p>How to Report the Practice of the Crews, 159</p> + + <p>How to Save London, 113</p> + + <p>Humpty-Dumpty up again! 17</p> + + <p>Hyde Park Corner, 261</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Imperial Jack-in-the-Box (The), 51</p> + + <p>In Defence of the Great Paradoxist, 262</p> + + <p>India for the Irish! 99</p> + + <p>In Fancy Dress, 196</p> + + <p>Influenza Song (An), 93</p> + + <p>Inharmonious Colours, 306</p> + + <p>"Innings declared Closed," 282</p> + + <p>In Statu,—quo? 70</p> + + <p>In the Seat of Wisdom, 94</p> + + <p>In this style, Six-and-Eightpence, 81</p> + + <p>"It will Wash!" 288</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Jim's Jottings, 14, 85</p> + + <p>Jokim's Latest Little Joke, 204</p> + + <p>Judges in Council (The), 59</p> + + <p>Justice for Justice, 108</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Kensington Gardens, 297</p> + + <p>Killing no Murder, 266</p> + + <p>King and the Clown (The), 172</p> + + <p>"Know all men by these Presents," 213</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Lady Gay's Selections, 261, 273, 286, 300, 302, + 313</p> + + <p>"La Grippe," 61</p> + + <p>La Justice pour Rire, 218</p> + + <p>Last of the Guards (The), 75</p> + + <p>Latterday Valentine (A), 89</p> + + <p>Laying a Ghost, 201</p> + + <p>Lay of the Analytic Novelist (The), 17</p> + + <p>Lay of the Literary Autolycus (The), 213</p> + + <p>Lay of the Litigant (The), 60</p> + + <p>Lay Sermon (A), 246</p> + + <p>Lays of Modern Home, 9</p> + + <p>Legend of the Mutton Bone (The), 192</p> + + <p>Letters to Abstractions, 5, 72, 112, 184</p> + + <p>Liquor Question (A), 193</p> + + <p>Limb and the Law (The), 262</p> + + <p>"Little Holiday" (A), 126</p> + + <p>Local Colour, 94</p> + + <p>Lockwood the Lecturer, 145</p> + + <p>Lord Bramwell, 258</p> + + <p>Lord Wildermere's Mother-in-Law, 123</p> + + <p>Lost Luggage, 265</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>"Marie, come up!" 57</p> + + <p>"Married and Single," 273</p> + + <p>Marvels of Modern Science (The), 157</p> + + <p>Matinée Mania, 165</p> + + <p>Matrimony Up to Date, 39</p> + + <p>"Meeting of the Waters" (The), 118</p> + + <p>Mems. of Theatres, &c., Commission, 244</p> + + <p>Menu from Birmingham (A), 70</p> + + <p>Menu from Hatfield (A), 54</p> + + <p>Mixed, 245</p> + + <p>Moan of the Music-Hall Muse (The), 278</p> + + <p>Modern Alexander's Feast (The), 111</p> + + <p>Modesty of Genius (The), 133</p> + + <p>More Bones to Pick with the School-Board, 81</p> + + <p>More than Satisfied, 241</p> + + <p>Morning of the Derby (The), 273</p> + + <p>Mr. Bayly's Coast-Spectre, 47</p> + + <p>Mr. Goschen's Budget, 193</p> + + <p>Mr. Punch's Agricultural Novel, 226</p> + + <p>Mr. Punch's Boat-Race Novel, 177</p> + + <p>Mr. Punch's Hebridean Salmon-Fly Book, 205</p> + + <p>Mr. Punch's New-Year Honours, Gifts, Good Wishes, + and Greetings, 23</p> + + <p>Mr. Punch's Royal Academy Guide, 220</p> + + <p>Mr. Punch's Up-to-Date Poetry for Children, 145, + 213</p> + + <p>Mr. Punch to the Illustrated London News, 242</p> + + <p>Mr. Punch to the Life-boat Men, 74</p> + + <p>Mrs. Ram on Current Politics, 69</p> + + <p>"Murder in Jest," 237</p> + + <p>"Music in Our Street" (The), 57</p> + + <p>"Must it come to this?" 129</p> + + <p>"My dear Eyes! What! See-usan!" 153</p> + + <p>My Soap, 193</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>"Names and their Meaning," 171</p> + + <p>Neo-Dramatic Nursery Rhyme, 193</p> + + <p>"Ne Plus Ulster," 305</p> + + <p>Newest Narcissus (The), 194</p> + + <p>New Gallery (The), 227</p> + + <p>New Learning (The), 249</p> + + <p>New Monitor (The), 18</p> + + <p>News about Bismarck, 317</p> + + <p>New Songstress (A), 315</p> + + <p>Night Lights, 57</p> + + <p>"Not at Home!" 234</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Ode to a Giraffe, 173</p> + + <p>Odont.! 298</p> + + <p>"Off his Feed," 123</p> + + <p>Old Friend at the Criterion (An), 101</p> + + <p>Old Song Revived (An), 294</p> + + <p>On a New Yearling, 13</p> + + <p>"One Touch of Nature," 262</p> + + <p>Only Fancy! 12, 23, 29, 39</p> + + <p>On my Lady's Poodle, 261</p> + + <p>On Religious Cymbalism, 106</p> + + <p>"On the Blazoned Scroll of Fame," 141</p> + + <p>On the First Green Chair, 189</p> + + <p>On the (Post) Cards, 209</p> + + <p>On the Row among the Romancers, 240</p> + + <p>"On the Sly," 83</p> + + <p>On the Traill, 60</p> + + <p>Opera-Goer's Diary (The), 257, 280</p> + + <p>Operatic Notes, 269, 293, 305, 313</p> + + <p>"Orme! Sweet Orme!" 242</p> + + <p><i>Other</i> "Westminster Stable" (The), 246</p> + + <p>Our Booking-Office, 4, 21, 36, 41, 60, 94, 108, 109, + 133, 149, 185, 197, 250, 257, 268</p> + + <p>Our Cookery-Bookery, 249</p> + + <p>Our Cricketers, 179</p> + + <p>Our Humorous Composer, 25</p> + + <p>Our Sal Volatile; or, A Wriggler Sarpint of Old + Nile, 278</p> + + <p>"Out in the Cold!" 63</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Paddywhack and Dr. Birch, 105</p> + + <p>Palmy Day at St. Raphael (A), 65</p> + + <p>Paragon Frame (of Mind) (A), 69</p> + + <p>Parliament à la Mode de Paris, 51</p> + + <p>Parliament in Sport, 63</p> + + <p>Personal Paragraphs, 181</p> + + <p>Philosophic Stupidity, 118</p> + + <p>Playful Sally (The), 304</p> + + <p>Playing Old Harry at the Lyceum, 33</p> + + <p>Plea for the Defence (A), 137</p> + + <p>"Pleased as Punch," 65</p> + + <p>"Pleasing the Pigs!" 73</p> + + <p>Poet and the Songs (The), 173</p> + + <p>Point of View (The), 206</p> + + <p>Polite Literature, 59</p> + + <p>Political Johnny Gilpin (The), 318</p> + + <p>Political Lady-Cricketers (The), 254</p> + + <p>Politics, 315</p> + + <p>Ponsch, Prince of Ollendorff, 148</p> + + <p>Popular Songs Re-sung, 13, 109, 143, 237</p> + + <p>Poser for Mr. Weatherby (A), + 126</p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page324" + id="page324"></a>[pg 324]</span> + + <p>Preserved Venice, 52</p> + + <p>Preux Chevalier, 36</p> + + <p>Private and the Public (The), 120</p> + + <p>Private Reflections of the Public Orator at + Cambridge, 297</p> + + <p>"Probable Starters," 282</p> + + <p>Prudes and Nudes, 174</p> + + <p>Puzzler for a Costumier, 69</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Queer Queries, 118</p> + + <p>Query by a Depressed Convalescent, 89</p> + + <p>Query by "Pen" (A), 94</p> + + <p>Question of Politeness, 171</p> + + <p>Quite Appropriate, 240</p> + + <p>Quite Clear, 9</p> + + <p>Quite in Keeping, 273</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Rather Large Order (A), 184</p> + + <p>Receipt against Influenza, 61</p> + + <p>Reckoning without their Host, 223</p> + + <p>Recollections of (Cockney) "Arabian" Days and + Nights, 234</p> + + <p>Reddie-turus Salutat, 218</p> + + <p>"Regrets and Greaves," 246</p> + + <p>Rembrandt, Titian, Velasquez, &c., 180</p> + + <p>Reported Disappearance of the Broad Gauge, 258</p> + + <p>Repulsing the Amazons, 216</p> + + <p>"Resignation of an Alderman," 280</p> + + <p>Respectability, 37</p> + + <p>"Returned Empty" (The), 26</p> + + <p>Rice and Prunes, 101</p> + + <p>Rich <i>v.</i> Poor, 133</p> + + <p>Riddle (A), 69, 227</p> + + <p>"Ring and the Book" (The), 120</p> + + <p>Robert in a Fog! 24</p> + + <p>Robert on the Hartistic Copperashun, 206</p> + + <p>Robert's Cure for the Hinfluenzy, 96</p> + + <p>Royal Academy Banquet, 222</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Saints or Sinners? 205</p> + + <p>Sanitary Congress at Venice (The), 39</p> + + <p>Scale with the False Weights (The), 124</p> + + <p>Screwed up at Magdalen, 118</p> + + <p>Seasonable (and Suitable) Good Wishes, 9</p> + + <p>Seasonable Weather, 228</p> + + <p>Settler for Mr. Woods (A), 121</p> + + <p>Seven Ages of Woman (The), 230</p> + + <p>Shady Valet (A), 195</p> + + <p>"Signs" of the Times, 171</p> + + <p>Simple Stories, 4</p> + + <p>Singular Plurality, 262</p> + + <p>Sly Old Socrates, 309</p> + + <p>(Soldiers') Life we Live (The), 214</p> + + <p>Something New in Soap, 65</p> + + <p>Song for Lord Rosebery, 42</p> + + <p>Sonnet on the South-Eastern, 218</p> + + <p>Spring's Delights in London, 193</p> + + <p>Spring Time in Leap Year, 150</p> + + <p>St. John's Wood, 262</p> + + <p>Strange but True, 87</p> + + <p>Strange Charge against a Great Poet, 132</p> + + <p>Studies in the New Poetry, 268, 292</p> + + <p>Sunday Observance, 173</p> + + <p>Syllogisms of the Stump, 297</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Take Care! 83</p> + + <p>Taking a Sight at Ringandknock, 201</p> + + <p>Talk over the Tub (A), 54</p> + + <p>"Ta-ra-ra" Boom (The), 149</p> + + <p>Telephone Cinderella (The), 162</p> + + <p>Telephonic Theatre-goers, 208</p> + + <p>Tennysonian Fragment (A), 89</p> + + <p>"Textuel," 282</p> + + <p>Theatres and Music Halls Commission, 173</p> + + <p>Theft <i>v.</i> Thrift, 23</p> + + <p>"There's the Rub!" 30</p> + + <p>"This Indenture witnesseth," 73</p> + + <p>Times Change, 99</p> + + <p>Tip from Our Own Booking-Office, 318</p> + + <p>Tip-top Tipster (A), 280</p> + + <p>"'Tis Merry in Hall," 157</p> + + <p>To a Railway Foot-Warmer, 133</p> + + <p>To be or Not to be—discovered, 278</p> + + <p>To Justice, 9</p> + + <p>To Lord Salisbury, 258</p> + + <p>To my Cigarette, 53</p> + + <p>To my Cook, 201</p> + + <p>Too Conscientious, 240</p> + + <p>Too Much of a Good Thing, 48</p> + + <p>Tooting, 161</p> + + <p>To Police-Constables Smeeth and Tappin, 81</p> + + <p>To Queen Coal, 138</p> + + <p>To the Future A.R.A., 72</p> + + <p>To the Grand Old Tory, 237</p> + + <p>To the New "Queen of the May," 210</p> + + <p>To the Queen, 61</p> + + <p>To the Young City Men, 147</p> + + <p>Town Thoughts from the Country, 193</p> + + <p>Tramways, 245</p> + + <p>Travelling Companions (The), 11, 16, 23, 40, 64, + 83</p> + + <p>Trial in Novel Form (A), 12</p> + + <p>True and Trusty, 70</p> + + <p>True Modesty, 211</p> + + <p>Truly and Reely, 84</p> + + <p>Two Archers (The), 227</p> + + <p>Two Dromios, 171</p> + + <p>Two Shepherds (The), 87</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Una and the British Lion, 314</p> + + <p>Unasked, 30</p> + + <p>Unobserved of One "Observer" (The), 106</p> + + <p>Upon Julia's Coat, 189</p> + + <p>Useful Cricketer (The), 297</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Vans de Luxe, 252</p> + + <p>Venice at Olympia, 36</p> + + <p>Venice in London, 41</p> + + <p>Venice Reserved, 253</p> + + <p>"Versailles" in Leicester Square, 301</p> + + <p>Very "Dark Horse" (A), 270</p> + + <p>Very "French before Breakfast," 262</p> + + <p>Very Natural Error, 288</p> + + <p>Very Orchid! 168</p> + + <p>Vigorous Vicar (The), 288</p> + + <p>"Vive la Liberté!" 106</p> + + <p>Volunteer Review at Dover (The), 172</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Waiting Game (A), 174</p> + + <p>Walt Whitman, 179</p> + + <p>Want (A), 193</p> + + <p>Water-Colour Room at the Academy (The), 227</p> + + <p>Way they have in the Army (The), 292</p> + + <p>Weather Reform, 96</p> + + <p>Wellington Monument (The), 213</p> + + <p>What do they Mean by it? 129</p> + + <p>"When Greek meets Greek," 306</p> + + <p>Whipped in Vain, 73</p> + + <p>Wilde "Tage" to a Tame Play (A), 113</p> + + <p>Wilful Wilhelm, 146</p> + + <p>William the Whaler, 170</p> + + <p>With the Easter Eggs, 185</p> + + <p>World on the Wheels (The), 222</p> + + <p>Wrestling with Whistlers, 181</p> + + <p>Wright and Wrong, 85</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Ye Moderates of London, 145</p> + + <p>Young Girl's Companion (The), 204, 216, 225, 252</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"></div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <h3>LARGE ENGRAVINGS.</h3> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>April Showers; or, a Spoilt Easter Holiday, 199</p> + + <p>Attack on the "Capital" (The), 67</p> + + <p>Bogie Man (The), 139</p> + + <p>"Coming of Arthur" (The), 91</p> + + <p>Coming of Ninety-Two (The), 7</p> + + <p>Dynamite Dragon (The), 187</p> + + <p>Gift from the Greeks (A), 103</p> + + <p>"Her Majesty's Servants," 78, 79</p> + + <p>"Innings Closed," 283</p> + + <p>January 14, 1892, 43</p> + + <p>"Little Holiday" (A), 127</p> + + <p>New Monitor (The), 19</p> + + <p>New "Queen of the May" (The), 211</p> + + <p>"Not at Home!" 235</p> + + <p>Old Song Revived (An), 295</p> + + <p><i>Other</i> "Westminster Stable" (The), 247</p> + + <p>Political Johnny Gilpin (The), 319</p> + + <p>Reckoning without their Host, 223</p> + + <p>"Short 'Anded," 55</p> + + <p>Spring Time in Leap Year, 151</p> + + <p>Telephone Cinderella (The), 163</p> + + <p>"There's the Rub!" 31</p> + + <p>"Under which Thimble?" 259</p> + + <p>Very "Dark Horse" (A), 271</p> + + <p>Waiting Game (A), 175</p> + + <p>"When Greek meets Greek," 307</p> + + <p>Younger than Ever; 115</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"></div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <h3>SMALL ENGRAVINGS.</h3> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Æsthetic Idea of Plate-Glass Window, 273</p> + + <p>Archie's Sister reading Fairy Tales, 174</p> + + <p>'Arry 'Untin' in the Frost, 3</p> + + <p>Au Revoir to the Foxes, 214</p> + + <p>Autumn Goods in Pictures, 206</p> + + <p>"Bandy" Association playing Hockey, 101</p> + + <p>Baronet explains "Early and Late," 250</p> + + <p>Barrister suggests a "Bad Objection," 185</p> + + <p>"Beaters" after Luncheon, 96</p> + + <p>Bismarck Cut by Emperor, 303</p> + + <p>Bismarck "Out in the Cold," 62</p> + + <p>Black and White Boxing Contest, 287</p> + + <p>British Lion and the New Khedive, 38</p> + + <p>Buffalo and Broncho at Earl's Court, 276</p> + + <p>Bumble and the Evicted Poor, 14</p> + + <p>Burial of the "Broad-Gauge" (The), 267</p> + + <p>Candidate Catching, 239</p> + + <p>"Champagne first, then Claret," 147</p> + + <p>Chancery Judges airing Infant Suitors, 94</p> + + <p>Chaplin and the Pigs, 73</p> + + <p>Cheeky Artist and German Picture-Dealer, 124</p> + + <p>Chief Groups in Commons' Waxworks, 178</p> + + <p>Chimes of 1892 (The), 2</p> + + <p>"Claiming the Land," 322</p> + + <p>Cockney Art-Teacher and Pupil, 238</p> + + <p>Cook Basting a Joint, 109</p> + + <p>Dancing Lady very much Engaged, 302</p> + + <p>Dancing Men at Supper, 126</p> + + <p>Dean's Wife and Bishop's Butler, 75</p> + + <p>Destroying the Money-Spider's Web, 158</p> + + <p>Dissatisfied with her Dressmaker, 54</p> + + <p>Dissolution Spectre (The), 290</p> + + <p>Doctors Irving and Toole, 310</p> + + <p>Doctor's Ugly Children (The), 222</p> + + <p>Drummondo Wolffez, the Bull-fighter, 59</p> + + <p>D.T. Patient and his Skeleton, 39</p> + + <p>Edith's Grace after Pudding, 254</p> + + <p>Erne on Rabbits and Multiplication, 246</p> + + <p>Ethel and the "Lion of the Season," 209</p> + + <p>Ethel's Question on Face and Hair-Powder, 268</p> + + <p>Faint Comet (A), 179</p> + + <p>Fair Matron and Great Mathematician, 70</p> + + <p>Fancy Portrait of Oscar Wilde, 113</p> + + <p>Farmer Murphy at the Box-Office, 230</p> + + <p>Fashionable Lady's Ugly Side (A), 234</p> + + <p>Fashionable Mother's Child's Age, 294</p> + + <p>Fat and Thin Pug-Dogs, 102</p> + + <p>Father Time and Coming Events, 10</p> + + <p>Footman and Page-Boy, 23</p> + + <p>Footman recommending a Dentist, 135</p> + + <p>Fox-hunters among the Turnips, 29</p> + + <p>French and English Infantrymen, 207</p> + + <p>General Boombastes Booth, 106</p> + + <p>Georgie Porgie Gladstone, 279</p> + + <p>German Emperor as Jupiter, 110</p> + + <p>German Emperor destroying Papers, 146</p> + + <p>German William's Wheeling Expedition, 170</p> + + <p>Gladstone and Friends' Letters, 311</p> + + <p>Golf Implements without the Links, 94</p> + + <p>"Good Staying" Mare (A), 61</p> + + <p>Grand Old Energy, 130</p> + + <p>Group of Goormongs (A), 150</p> + + <p>Harcourt as a Commercial Traveller, 274</p> + + <p>Haunted House of Commons (The), 251</p> + + <p>History Exam, on the Great Sapolio, 210</p> + + <p>Housemaid and Footman Conversing, 179</p> + + <p>Housemaid defines R.S.V.P., 321</p> + + <p>House of Lords Waxworks, 107</p> + + <p>Hunter hung up on a Stile, 129</p> + + <p>Hunting Man has had "a Drop too much," 37</p> + + <p>Hunting Man walks without Boots, 177</p> + + <p>Impatient Old Gent at Post-Office, 182</p> + + <p>Imperial Jack-in-the-Box (The), 50</p> + + <p>Inebriated Gent at Signal-Box, 123</p> + + <p>Jones and Dinner Conversation, 282</p> + + <p>Jones and Press Criticisms, 66</p> + + <p>Judge hearing Two Cases at Once, 65</p> + + <p>Judges Serving in Refreshment Bar, 81</p> + + <p>Kent Road Belle and Contrast, 291</p> + + <p>Labouchere Ferret and Blackmailing Rat, 148</p> + + <p>Lady and Ignorant Voter's Wife, 237</p> + + <p>Lady and M.P. meet in the Park, 138</p> + + <p>Lady Diana and the Horse-dealer, 159</p> + + <p>Lady Harpy (The), 231</p> + + <p>La France forsaken by the Russ, 183</p> + + <p>Leaving out the "Ought," 194</p> + + <p>Little Charlie's Good-bye at a Station, 111</p> + + <p>Little Ethel and the Whipped Cream, 198</p> + + <p>Little Swell and Wild West Indians, 309</p> + + <p>London in Venice, 119</p> + + <p>Lovers in a French Cemetery, 25</p> + + <p>Maid and Dowager's Dress, 63</p> + + <p>Maid who didn't Suit the Situation, 298</p> + + <p>Maiden who wishes to be engaged, 69</p> + + <p>Mamma on People worth Knowing, 42</p> + + <p>Mariana's difficulty with Curling Tongs, 63</p> + + <p>Married Vicar and his Curate, 292</p> + + <p>Master administering the Rod, 109</p> + + <p>Middy and the Bay-Rum, 153</p> + + <p>Middy and the Bishop, 258</p> + + <p>Miss Certainage believes she will die young, 242</p> + + <p>Miss Eugenia's Taste for Antiques, 131</p> + + <p>Miss Twelfthnight's Characters, 22</p> + + <p>Modern Criminal Hero (The), 195</p> + + <p>Morley's Stray Sheep, 86</p> + + <p>Mr. Punch congratulates Madame Illustrated London + News, 243</p> + + <p>Mr. Punch Golfing, 1</p> + + <p>Mrs. Dasher and the Complimentary Major, 155</p> + + <p>New Companion's H.'s (The), 286</p> + + <p>New L.C.C. Waxworks (The), 142</p> + + <p>Newly-Married M.P. and Wife, 306</p> + + <p>Old Maid and Chapel-going Servant, 193</p> + + <p>Our Artist's Execution, 99</p> + + <p>Our Little Artist's Tall Women, 270</p> + + <p>Over Time in Leap Year, 12</p> + + <p>Page-Boy and the Door-Plate, 197</p> + + <p>Page-Boy and the Major's Coat, 47</p> + + <p>Page-Boy in Love (The), 137</p> + + <p>Pair of Old-fashioned Snuffers, 6</p> + + <p>Parliamentary Safety Bicycle Championship, 82</p> + + <p>Parliament Member's Thoughts, 203</p> + + <p>Pavement Artist at Whistler's Show, 171</p> + + <p>Picking a Funny Bone, 186</p> + + <p>Picture of "Olympia" (A), 190</p> + + <p>Polite 'Bus Conductor (The), 218</p> + + <p>Political Lady-Cricketers (The), 255</p> + + <p>Political Wirepuller at Work (The), 58</p> + + <p>Private View, Royal Academy, 215</p> + + <p>Prize Idiot with a Cold, 318</p> + + <p>Punch and the Lifeboat-Men, 74</p> + + <p>Race for the Country (The), 299</p> + + <p>Racer "Majority" Off his Feed, 122</p> + + <p>Railway Travellers' Last Match, 114</p> + + <p>Randolph returned from Mashonaland, 26</p> + + <p>Representations of the London County Council, + 191</p> + + <p>"Round" or "Square"? 15</p> + + <p>Royal Parliamentary Tournament, 263</p> + + <p>Russian Recruiting Sergeant and the Shah, 219</p> + + <p>Salvation House of Commons (The), 154</p> + + <p>Schoolboy making his Sister "Fag," 118</p> + + <p>Scotch Gamekeepers and Londoner, 18</p> + + <p>Scotchwoman on Lady Doctors (A), 245</p> + + <p>Sea-side Ballad-Singer and Old Lady, 21</p> + + <p>Short Dancing-Man and his Hostess, 162</p> + + <p>Sir Bonamy's Dinner-Book, 90</p> + + <p>Sketches in the Saddle, 34</p> + + <p>Sketches of Balfour the Leader, 167</p> + + <p>Sketching in the Train, 46</p> + + <p>Speaking French without an Accent, 214</p> + + <p>Speaking Likeness of a Dumb Model, 30</p> + + <p>Sporting Gentleman and Parson, 266</p> + + <p>Street Music, 57</p> + + <p>"Through Darkest Lambeth," 315</p> + + <p>Tommy and his Grandpapa, 161</p> + + <p>Tommy and Jimmy criticising Picture, 262</p> + + <p>Two Hamlets (The), 73</p> + + <p>Una and the British Lion, 314</p> + + <p>Unwilling Imitator of Lottie Collins, 227</p> + + <p>Venus of 1892 rising from the Sea, 293</p> + + <p>Volunteer and the Jury List (The), 134</p> + + <p>"Waking-up" for the Opening of the Session, 71</p> + + <p>Westminster Waxworks, 1892 (The), 95</p> + + <p>William the Conqueror and the Range Act, 98</p> + + <p>Wishing he had been a "Bear," 274</p> + + <p>Wishing Mamma was a Kangaroo, 304</p> + + <p>Worried Journalist and Philistine Wife, 27</p> + + <p>Young Lady Popular Novelist (A), 83</p> + + <p>Young Wife and Club Telephone, 51</p> + + <p>Young Wife and Old Spinster, 87</p> + </div> + </div> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:50%;"> + <a href="images/324.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/324.png" + alt="Finis" /></a> + </div> + <hr /> + + <center> + LONDON: BRADBURY AGNEW, & CO. LIMITED, WHITEFRIARS. + </center> + <hr class="full" /> + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, Or The London Charivari, Volume +102, July 2, 1892, by Various + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH *** + +***** This file should be named 14787-h.htm or 14787-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/4/7/8/14787/ + +Produced by Malcolm Farmer, William Flis, and the PG Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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