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diff --git a/14658-0.txt b/14658-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5c5af50 --- /dev/null +++ b/14658-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,4843 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 14658 *** + +THE ROAD + +by + +JACK LONDON + +(New York: Macmillan) + +1907 + + + + + + + +TO + +JOSIAH FLYNT + +The Real Thing, Blowed in the Glass + + + + +CONTENTS + + CONFESSION + + HOLDING HER DOWN + + PICTURES + + "PINCHED" + + THE PEN + + HOBOES THAT PASS IN THE NIGHT + + ROAD-KIDS AND GAY-CATS + + TWO THOUSAND STIFFS + + BULLS + + + + + "Speakin' in general, I 'ave tried 'em all, + The 'appy roads that take you o'er the world. + Speakin' in general, I 'ave found them good + For such as cannot use one bed too long, + But must get 'ence, the same as I 'ave done, + An' go observin' matters till they die." + + --Sestina of the Tramp-Royal + + + + +CONFESSION + + +There is a woman in the state of Nevada to whom I once lied +continuously, consistently, and shamelessly, for the matter of a +couple of hours. I don't want to apologize to her. Far be it from me. +But I do want to explain. Unfortunately, I do not know her name, much +less her present address. If her eyes should chance upon these lines, +I hope she will write to me. + +It was in Reno, Nevada, in the summer of 1892. Also, it was fair-time, +and the town was filled with petty crooks and tin-horns, to say +nothing of a vast and hungry horde of hoboes. It was the hungry hoboes +that made the town a "hungry" town. They "battered" the back doors of +the homes of the citizens until the back doors became unresponsive. + +A hard town for "scoffings," was what the hoboes called it at that +time. I know that I missed many a meal, in spite of the fact that I +could "throw my feet" with the next one when it came to "slamming a +gate" for a "poke-out" or a "set-down," or hitting for a "light piece" +on the street. Why, I was so hard put in that town, one day, that I +gave the porter the slip and invaded the private car of some itinerant +millionnaire. The train started as I made the platform, and I headed +for the aforesaid millionnaire with the porter one jump behind and +reaching for me. It was a dead heat, for I reached the millionnaire at +the same instant that the porter reached me. I had no time for +formalities. "Gimme a quarter to eat on," I blurted out. And as I +live, that millionnaire dipped into his pocket and gave me ... just +... precisely ... a quarter. It is my conviction that he was so +flabbergasted that he obeyed automatically, and it has been a matter +of keen regret ever since, on my part, that I didn't ask him for a +dollar. I know that I'd have got it. I swung off the platform of that +private car with the porter manoeuvring to kick me in the face. He +missed me. One is at a terrible disadvantage when trying to swing off +the lowest step of a car and not break his neck on the right of way, +with, at the same time, an irate Ethiopian on the platform above +trying to land him in the face with a number eleven. But I got the +quarter! I got it! + +But to return to the woman to whom I so shamelessly lied. It was in +the evening of my last day in Reno. I had been out to the race-track +watching the ponies run, and had missed my dinner (_i.e._ the mid-day +meal). I was hungry, and, furthermore, a committee of public safety +had just been organized to rid the town of just such hungry mortals as +I. Already a lot of my brother hoboes had been gathered in by John +Law, and I could hear the sunny valleys of California calling to me +over the cold crests of the Sierras. Two acts remained for me to +perform before I shook the dust of Reno from my feet. One was to catch +the blind baggage on the westbound overland that night. The other was +first to get something to eat. Even youth will hesitate at an +all-night ride, on an empty stomach, outside a train that is tearing +the atmosphere through the snow-sheds, tunnels, and eternal snows of +heaven-aspiring mountains. + +But that something to eat was a hard proposition. I was "turned down" +at a dozen houses. Sometimes I received insulting remarks and was +informed of the barred domicile that should be mine if I had my just +deserts. The worst of it was that such assertions were only too true. +That was why I was pulling west that night. John Law was abroad in the +town, seeking eagerly for the hungry and homeless, for by such was his +barred domicile tenanted. + +At other houses the doors were slammed in my face, cutting short my +politely and humbly couched request for something to eat. At one house +they did not open the door. I stood on the porch and knocked, and they +looked out at me through the window. They even held one sturdy little +boy aloft so that he could see over the shoulders of his elders the +tramp who wasn't going to get anything to eat at their house. + +It began to look as if I should be compelled to go to the very poor +for my food. The very poor constitute the last sure recourse of the +hungry tramp. The very poor can always be depended upon. They never +turn away the hungry. Time and again, all over the United States, have +I been refused food by the big house on the hill; and always have I +received food from the little shack down by the creek or marsh, with +its broken windows stuffed with rags and its tired-faced mother broken +with labor. Oh, you charity-mongers! Go to the poor and learn, for the +poor alone are the charitable. They neither give nor withhold from +their excess. They have no excess. They give, and they withhold never, +from what they need for themselves, and very often from what they +cruelly need for themselves. A bone to the dog is not charity. Charity +is the bone shared with the dog when you are just as hungry as the +dog. + +There was one house in particular where I was turned down that +evening. The porch windows opened on the dining room, and through them +I saw a man eating pie--a big meat-pie. I stood in the open door, and +while he talked with me, he went on eating. He was prosperous, and out +of his prosperity had been bred resentment against his less fortunate +brothers. + +He cut short my request for something to eat, snapping out, "I don't +believe you want to work." + +Now this was irrelevant. I hadn't said anything about work. The topic +of conversation I had introduced was "food." In fact, I didn't want to +work. I wanted to take the westbound overland that night. + +"You wouldn't work if you had a chance," he bullied. + +I glanced at his meek-faced wife, and knew that but for the presence +of this Cerberus I'd have a whack at that meat-pie myself. But +Cerberus sopped himself in the pie, and I saw that I must placate him +if I were to get a share of it. So I sighed to myself and accepted his +work-morality. + +"Of course I want work," I bluffed. + +"Don't believe it," he snorted. + +"Try me," I answered, warming to the bluff. + +"All right," he said. "Come to the corner of blank and blank +streets"--(I have forgotten the address)--"to-morrow morning. You know +where that burned building is, and I'll put you to work tossing +bricks." + +"All right, sir; I'll be there." + +He grunted and went on eating. I waited. After a couple of minutes he +looked up with an I-thought-you-were-gone expression on his face, and +demanded:-- + +"Well?" + +"I ... I am waiting for something to eat," I said gently. + +"I knew you wouldn't work!" he roared. + +He was right, of course; but his conclusion must have been reached by +mind-reading, for his logic wouldn't bear it out. But the beggar at +the door must be humble, so I accepted his logic as I had accepted his +morality. + +"You see, I am now hungry," I said still gently. "To-morrow morning I +shall be hungrier. Think how hungry I shall be when I have tossed +bricks all day without anything to eat. Now if you will give me +something to eat, I'll be in great shape for those bricks." + +He gravely considered my plea, at the same time going on eating, while +his wife nearly trembled into propitiatory speech, but refrained. + +"I'll tell you what I'll do," he said between mouthfuls. "You come to +work to-morrow, and in the middle of the day I'll advance you enough +for your dinner. That will show whether you are in earnest or not." + +"In the meantime--" I began; but he interrupted. + +"If I gave you something to eat now, I'd never see you again. Oh, I +know your kind. Look at me. I owe no man. I have never descended so +low as to ask any one for food. I have always earned my food. The +trouble with you is that you are idle and dissolute. I can see it in +your face. I have worked and been honest. I have made myself what I +am. And you can do the same, if you work and are honest." + +"Like you?" I queried. + +Alas, no ray of humor had ever penetrated the sombre work-sodden soul +of that man. + +"Yes, like me," he answered. + +"All of us?" I queried. + +"Yes, all of you," he answered, conviction vibrating in his voice. + +"But if we all became like you," I said, "allow me to point out that +there'd be nobody to toss bricks for you." + +I swear there was a flicker of a smile in his wife's eye. As for him, +he was aghast--but whether at the awful possibility of a reformed +humanity that would not enable him to get anybody to toss bricks for +him, or at my impudence, I shall never know. + +"I'll not waste words on you," he roared. "Get out of here, you +ungrateful whelp!" + +I scraped my feet to advertise my intention of going, and queried:-- + +"And I don't get anything to eat?" + +He arose suddenly to his feet. He was a large man. I was a stranger in +a strange land, and John Law was looking for me. I went away +hurriedly. "But why ungrateful?" I asked myself as I slammed his gate. +"What in the dickens did he give me to be ungrateful about?" I looked +back. I could still see him through the window. He had returned to his +pie. + +By this time I had lost heart. I passed many houses by without +venturing up to them. All houses looked alike, and none looked "good." +After walking half a dozen blocks I shook off my despondency and +gathered my "nerve." This begging for food was all a game, and if I +didn't like the cards, I could always call for a new deal. I made up +my mind to tackle the next house. I approached it in the deepening +twilight, going around to the kitchen door. + +I knocked softly, and when I saw the kind face of the middle-aged +woman who answered, as by inspiration came to me the "story" I was to +tell. For know that upon his ability to tell a good story depends the +success of the beggar. First of all, and on the instant, the beggar +must "size up" his victim. After that, he must tell a story that will +appeal to the peculiar personality and temperament of that particular +victim. And right here arises the great difficulty: in the instant +that he is sizing up the victim he must begin his story. Not a minute +is allowed for preparation. As in a lightning flash he must divine the +nature of the victim and conceive a tale that will hit home. The +successful hobo must be an artist. He must create spontaneously and +instantaneously--and not upon a theme selected from the plenitude of +his own imagination, but upon the theme he reads in the face of the +person who opens the door, be it man, woman, or child, sweet or +crabbed, generous or miserly, good-natured or cantankerous, Jew or +Gentile, black or white, race-prejudiced or brotherly, provincial or +universal, or whatever else it may be. I have often thought that to +this training of my tramp days is due much of my success as a +story-writer. In order to get the food whereby I lived, I was +compelled to tell tales that rang true. At the back door, out of +inexorable necessity, is developed the convincingness and sincerity +laid down by all authorities on the art of the short-story. Also, I +quite believe it was my tramp-apprenticeship that made a realist out +of me. Realism constitutes the only goods one can exchange at the +kitchen door for grub. + +After all, art is only consummate artfulness, and artfulness saves +many a "story." I remember lying in a police station at Winnipeg, +Manitoba. I was bound west over the Canadian Pacific. Of course, the +police wanted my story, and I gave it to them--on the spur of the +moment. They were landlubbers, in the heart of the continent, and what +better story for them than a sea story? They could never trip me up on +that. And so I told a tearful tale of my life on the hell-ship +_Glenmore_. (I had once seen the _Glenmore_ lying at anchor in San +Francisco Bay.) + +I was an English apprentice, I said. And they said that I didn't talk +like an English boy. It was up to me to create on the instant. I had +been born and reared in the United States. On the death of my parents, +I had been sent to England to my grandparents. It was they who had +apprenticed me on the _Glenmore_. I hope the captain of the _Glenmore_ +will forgive me, for I gave him a character that night in the Winnipeg +police station. Such cruelty! Such brutality! Such diabolical +ingenuity of torture! It explained why I had deserted the _Glenmore_ +at Montreal. + +But why was I in the middle of Canada going west, when my grandparents +lived in England? Promptly I created a married sister who lived in +California. She would take care of me. I developed at length her +loving nature. But they were not done with me, those hard-hearted +policemen. I had joined the _Glenmore_ in England; in the two years +that had elapsed before my desertion at Montreal, what had the +_Glenmore_ done and where had she been? And thereat I took those +landlubbers around the world with me. Buffeted by pounding seas and +stung with flying spray, they fought a typhoon with me off the coast +of Japan. They loaded and unloaded cargo with me in all the ports of +the Seven Seas. I took them to India, and Rangoon, and China, and had +them hammer ice with me around the Horn and at last come to moorings +at Montreal. + +And then they said to wait a moment, and one policeman went forth into +the night while I warmed myself at the stove, all the while racking my +brains for the trap they were going to spring on me. + +I groaned to myself when I saw him come in the door at the heels of +the policeman. No gypsy prank had thrust those tiny hoops of gold +through the ears; no prairie winds had beaten that skin into wrinkled +leather; nor had snow-drift and mountain-slope put in his walk that +reminiscent roll. And in those eyes, when they looked at me, I saw the +unmistakable sun-wash of the sea. Here was a theme, alas! with half a +dozen policemen to watch me read--I who had never sailed the China +seas, nor been around the Horn, nor looked with my eyes upon India and +Rangoon. + +I was desperate. Disaster stalked before me incarnate in the form of +that gold-ear-ringed, weather-beaten son of the sea. Who was he? What +was he? I must solve him ere he solved me. I must take a new +orientation, or else those wicked policemen would orientate me to a +cell, a police court, and more cells. If he questioned me first, +before I knew how much he knew, I was lost. + +But did I betray my desperate plight to those lynx-eyed guardians of +the public welfare of Winnipeg? Not I. I met that aged sailorman +glad-eyed and beaming, with all the simulated relief at deliverance +that a drowning man would display on finding a life-preserver in his +last despairing clutch. Here was a man who understood and who would +verify my true story to the faces of those sleuth-hounds who did not +understand, or, at least, such was what I endeavored to play-act. I +seized upon him; I volleyed him with questions about himself. Before +my judges I would prove the character of my savior before he saved me. + +He was a kindly sailorman--an "easy mark." The policemen grew +impatient while I questioned him. At last one of them told me to shut +up. I shut up; but while I remained shut up, I was busy creating, busy +sketching the scenario of the next act. I had learned enough to go on +with. He was a Frenchman. He had sailed always on French merchant +vessels, with the one exception of a voyage on a "lime-juicer." And +last of all--blessed fact!--he had not been on the sea for twenty +years. + +The policeman urged him on to examine me. + +"You called in at Rangoon?" he queried. + +I nodded. "We put our third mate ashore there. Fever." + +If he had asked me what kind of fever, I should have answered, +"Enteric," though for the life of me I didn't know what enteric was. +But he didn't ask me. Instead, his next question was:-- + +"And how is Rangoon?" + +"All right. It rained a whole lot when we were there." + +"Did you get shore-leave?" + +"Sure," I answered. "Three of us apprentices went ashore together." + +"Do you remember the temple?" + +"Which temple?" I parried. + +"The big one, at the top of the stairway." + +If I remembered that temple, I knew I'd have to describe it. The gulf +yawned for me. + +I shook my head. + +"You can see it from all over the harbor," he informed me. "You don't +need shore-leave to see that temple." + +I never loathed a temple so in my life. But I fixed that particular +temple at Rangoon. + +"You can't see it from the harbor," I contradicted. "You can't see it +from the town. You can't see it from the top of the stairway. +Because--" I paused for the effect. "Because there isn't any temple +there." + +"But I saw it with my own eyes!" he cried. + +"That was in--?" I queried. + +"Seventy-one." + +"It was destroyed in the great earthquake of 1887," I explained. "It +was very old." + +There was a pause. He was busy reconstructing in his old eyes the +youthful vision of that fair temple by the sea. + +"The stairway is still there," I aided him. "You can see it from all +over the harbor. And you remember that little island on the right-hand +side coming into the harbor?" I guess there must have been one there +(I was prepared to shift it over to the left-hand side), for he +nodded. "Gone," I said. "Seven fathoms of water there now." + +I had gained a moment for breath. While he pondered on time's changes, +I prepared the finishing touches of my story. + +"You remember the custom-house at Bombay?" + +He remembered it. + +"Burned to the ground," I announced. + +"Do you remember Jim Wan?" he came back at me. + +"Dead," I said; but who the devil Jim Wan was I hadn't the slightest +idea. + +I was on thin ice again. + +"Do you remember Billy Harper, at Shanghai?" I queried back at him +quickly. + +That aged sailorman worked hard to recollect, but the Billy Harper of +my imagination was beyond his faded memory. + +"Of course you remember Billy Harper," I insisted. "Everybody knows +him. He's been there forty years. Well, he's still there, that's all." + +And then the miracle happened. The sailorman remembered Billy Harper. +Perhaps there was a Billy Harper, and perhaps he had been in Shanghai +for forty years and was still there; but it was news to me. + +For fully half an hour longer, the sailorman and I talked on in +similar fashion. In the end he told the policemen that I was what I +represented myself to be, and after a night's lodging and a breakfast +I was released to wander on westward to my married sister in San +Francisco. + +But to return to the woman in Reno who opened her door to me in the +deepening twilight. At the first glimpse of her kindly face I took my +cue. I became a sweet, innocent, unfortunate lad. I couldn't speak. I +opened my mouth and closed it again. Never in my life before had I +asked any one for food. My embarrassment was painful, extreme. I was +ashamed. I, who looked upon begging as a delightful whimsicality, +thumbed myself over into a true son of Mrs. Grundy, burdened with all +her bourgeois morality. Only the harsh pangs of the belly-need could +compel me to do so degraded and ignoble a thing as beg for food. And +into my face I strove to throw all the wan wistfulness of famished and +ingenuous youth unused to mendicancy. + +"You are hungry, my poor boy," she said. + +I had made her speak first. + +I nodded my head and gulped. + +"It is the first time I have ever ... asked," I faltered. + +"Come right in." The door swung open. "We have already finished +eating, but the fire is burning and I can get something up for you." + +She looked at me closely when she got me into the light. + +"I wish my boy were as healthy and strong as you," she said. "But he +is not strong. He sometimes falls down. He just fell down this +afternoon and hurt himself badly, the poor dear." + +She mothered him with her voice, with an ineffable tenderness in it +that I yearned to appropriate. I glanced at him. He sat across the +table, slender and pale, his head swathed in bandages. He did not +move, but his eyes, bright in the lamplight, were fixed upon me in a +steady and wondering stare. + +"Just like my poor father," I said. "He had the falling sickness. Some +kind of vertigo. It puzzled the doctors. They never could make out +what was the matter with him." + +"He is dead?" she queried gently, setting before me half a dozen +soft-boiled eggs. + +"Dead," I gulped. "Two weeks ago. I was with him when it happened. We +were crossing the street together. He fell right down. He was never +conscious again. They carried him into a drug-store. He died there." + +And thereat I developed the pitiful tale of my father--how, after my +mother's death, he and I had gone to San Francisco from the ranch; how +his pension (he was an old soldier), and the little other money he +had, was not enough; and how he had tried book-canvassing. Also, I +narrated my own woes during the few days after his death that I had +spent alone and forlorn on the streets of San Francisco. While that +good woman warmed up biscuits, fried bacon, and cooked more eggs, and +while I kept pace with her in taking care of all that she placed +before me, I enlarged the picture of that poor orphan boy and filled +in the details. I became that poor boy. I believed in him as I +believed in the beautiful eggs I was devouring. I could have wept for +myself. I know the tears did get into my voice at times. It was very +effective. + +In fact, with every touch I added to the picture, that kind soul gave +me something also. She made up a lunch for me to carry away. She put +in many boiled eggs, pepper and salt, and other things, and a big +apple. She provided me with three pairs of thick red woollen socks. +She gave me clean handkerchiefs and other things which I have since +forgotten. And all the time she cooked more and more and I ate more +and more. I gorged like a savage; but then it was a far cry across the +Sierras on a blind baggage, and I knew not when nor where I should +find my next meal. And all the while, like a death's-head at the +feast, silent and motionless, her own unfortunate boy sat and stared +at me across the table. I suppose I represented to him mystery, and +romance, and adventure--all that was denied the feeble flicker of life +that was in him. And yet I could not forbear, once or twice, from +wondering if he saw through me down to the bottom of my mendacious +heart. + +"But where are you going to?" she asked me. + +"Salt Lake City," said I. "I have a sister there--a married sister." +(I debated if I should make a Mormon out of her, and decided against +it.) "Her husband is a plumber--a contracting plumber." + +Now I knew that contracting plumbers were usually credited with making +lots of money. But I had spoken. It was up to me to qualify. + +"They would have sent me the money for my fare if I had asked for it," +I explained, "but they have had sickness and business troubles. His +partner cheated him. And so I wouldn't write for the money. I knew I +could make my way there somehow. I let them think I had enough to get +me to Salt Lake City. She is lovely, and so kind. She was always kind +to me. I guess I'll go into the shop and learn the trade. She has two +daughters. They are younger than I. One is only a baby." + +Of all my married sisters that I have distributed among the cities of +the United States, that Salt Lake sister is my favorite. She is quite +real, too. When I tell about her, I can see her, and her two little +girls, and her plumber husband. She is a large, motherly woman, just +verging on beneficent stoutness--the kind, you know, that always cooks +nice things and that never gets angry. She is a brunette. Her husband +is a quiet, easy-going fellow. Sometimes I almost know him quite +well. And who knows but some day I may meet him? If that aged +sailorman could remember Billy Harper, I see no reason why I should +not some day meet the husband of my sister who lives in Salt Lake +City. + +On the other hand, I have a feeling of certitude within me that I +shall never meet in the flesh my many parents and grandparents--you +see, I invariably killed them off. Heart disease was my favorite way +of getting rid of my mother, though on occasion I did away with her by +means of consumption, pneumonia, and typhoid fever. It is true, as the +Winnipeg policemen will attest, that I have grandparents living in +England; but that was a long time ago and it is a fair assumption that +they are dead by now. At any rate, they have never written to me. + +I hope that woman in Reno will read these lines and forgive me my +gracelessness and unveracity. I do not apologize, for I am unashamed. +It was youth, delight in life, zest for experience, that brought me to +her door. It did me good. It taught me the intrinsic kindliness of +human nature. I hope it did her good. Anyway, she may get a good laugh +out of it now that she learns the real inwardness of the situation. + +To her my story was "true." She believed in me and all my family, and +she was filled with solicitude for the dangerous journey I must make +ere I won to Salt Lake City. This solicitude nearly brought me to +grief. Just as I was leaving, my arms full of lunch and my pockets +bulging with fat woollen socks, she bethought herself of a nephew, or +uncle, or relative of some sort, who was in the railway mail service, +and who, moreover, would come through that night on the very train on +which I was going to steal my ride. The very thing! She would take me +down to the depot, tell him my story, and get him to hide me in the +mail car. Thus, without danger or hardship, I would be carried +straight through to Ogden. Salt Lake City was only a few miles farther +on. My heart sank. She grew excited as she developed the plan and with +my sinking heart I had to feign unbounded gladness and enthusiasm at +this solution of my difficulties. + +Solution! Why I was bound west that night, and here was I being +trapped into going east. It _was_ a trap, and I hadn't the heart to +tell her that it was all a miserable lie. And while I made believe +that I was delighted, I was busy cudgelling my brains for some way to +escape. But there was no way. She would see me into the mail-car--she +said so herself--and then that mail-clerk relative of hers would carry +me to Ogden. And then I would have to beat my way back over all those +hundreds of miles of desert. + +But luck was with me that night. Just about the time she was getting +ready to put on her bonnet and accompany me, she discovered that she +had made a mistake. Her mail-clerk relative was not scheduled to come +through that night. His run had been changed. He would not come +through until two nights afterward. I was saved, for of course my +boundless youth would never permit me to wait those two days. I +optimistically assured her that I'd get to Salt Lake City quicker if I +started immediately, and I departed with her blessings and best wishes +ringing in my ears. + +But those woollen socks were great. I know. I wore a pair of them that +night on the blind baggage of the overland, and that overland went +west. + + + + +HOLDING HER DOWN + + +Barring accidents, a good hobo, with youth and agility, can hold a +train down despite all the efforts of the train-crew to "ditch" +him--given, of course, night-time as an essential condition. When such +a hobo, under such conditions, makes up his mind that he is going to +hold her down, either he does hold her down, or chance trips him up. +There is no legitimate way, short of murder, whereby the train-crew +can ditch him. That train-crews have not stopped short of murder is a +current belief in the tramp world. Not having had that particular +experience in my tramp days I cannot vouch for it personally. + +But this I have heard of the "bad" roads. When a tramp has "gone +underneath," on the rods, and the train is in motion, there is +apparently no way of dislodging him until the train stops. The tramp, +snugly ensconced inside the truck, with the four wheels and all the +framework around him, has the "cinch" on the crew--or so he thinks, +until some day he rides the rods on a bad road. A bad road is usually +one on which a short time previously one or several trainmen have been +killed by tramps. Heaven pity the tramp who is caught "underneath" on +such a road--for caught he is, though the train be going sixty miles +an hour. + +The "shack" (brakeman) takes a coupling-pin and a length of bell-cord +to the platform in front of the truck in which the tramp is riding. +The shack fastens the coupling-pin to the bell-cord, drops the former +down between the platforms, and pays out the latter. The coupling-pin +strikes the ties between the rails, rebounds against the bottom of the +car, and again strikes the ties. The shack plays it back and forth, +now to this side, now to the other, lets it out a bit and hauls it in +a bit, giving his weapon opportunity for every variety of impact and +rebound. Every blow of that flying coupling-pin is freighted with +death, and at sixty miles an hour it beats a veritable tattoo of +death. The next day the remains of that tramp are gathered up along +the right of way, and a line in the local paper mentions the unknown +man, undoubtedly a tramp, assumably drunk, who had probably fallen +asleep on the track. + +As a characteristic illustration of how a capable hobo can hold her +down, I am minded to give the following experience. I was in Ottawa, +bound west over the Canadian Pacific. Three thousand miles of that +road stretched before me; it was the fall of the year, and I had to +cross Manitoba and the Rocky Mountains. I could expect "crimpy" +weather, and every moment of delay increased the frigid hardships of +the journey. Furthermore, I was disgusted. The distance between +Montreal and Ottawa is one hundred and twenty miles. I ought to know, +for I had just come over it and it had taken me six days. By mistake I +had missed the main line and come over a small "jerk" with only two +locals a day on it. And during these six days I had lived on dry +crusts, and not enough of them, begged from the French peasants. + +Furthermore, my disgust had been heightened by the one day I had spent +in Ottawa trying to get an outfit of clothing for my long journey. Let +me put it on record right here that Ottawa, with one exception, is the +hardest town in the United States and Canada to beg clothes in; the +one exception is Washington, D.C. The latter fair city is the limit. I +spent two weeks there trying to beg a pair of shoes, and then had to +go on to Jersey City before I got them. + +But to return to Ottawa. At eight sharp in the morning I started out +after clothes. I worked energetically all day. I swear I walked forty +miles. I interviewed the housewives of a thousand homes. I did not +even knock off work for dinner. And at six in the afternoon, after ten +hours of unremitting and depressing toil, I was still shy one shirt, +while the pair of trousers I had managed to acquire was tight and, +moreover, was showing all the signs of an early disintegration. + +At six I quit work and headed for the railroad yards, expecting to +pick up something to eat on the way. But my hard luck was still with +me. I was refused food at house after house. Then I got a "hand-out." +My spirits soared, for it was the largest hand-out I had ever seen in +a long and varied experience. It was a parcel wrapped in newspapers +and as big as a mature suit-case. I hurried to a vacant lot and opened +it. First, I saw cake, then more cake, all kinds and makes of cake, +and then some. It was all cake. No bread and butter with thick firm +slices of meat between--nothing but cake; and I who of all things +abhorred cake most! In another age and clime they sat down by the +waters of Babylon and wept. And in a vacant lot in Canada's proud +capital, I, too, sat down and wept ... over a mountain of cake. As one +looks upon the face of his dead son, so looked I upon that +multitudinous pastry. I suppose I was an ungrateful tramp, for I +refused to partake of the bounteousness of the house that had had a +party the night before. Evidently the guests hadn't liked cake either. + +That cake marked the crisis in my fortunes. Than it nothing could be +worse; therefore things must begin to mend. And they did. At the very +next house I was given a "set-down." Now a "set-down" is the height of +bliss. One is taken inside, very often is given a chance to wash, and +is then "set-down" at a table. Tramps love to throw their legs under a +table. The house was large and comfortable, in the midst of spacious +grounds and fine trees, and sat well back from the street. They had +just finished eating, and I was taken right into the dining room--in +itself a most unusual happening, for the tramp who is lucky enough to +win a set-down usually receives it in the kitchen. A grizzled and +gracious Englishman, his matronly wife, and a beautiful young +Frenchwoman talked with me while I ate. + +I wonder if that beautiful young Frenchwoman would remember, at this +late day, the laugh I gave her when I uttered the barbaric phrase, +"two-bits." You see, I was trying delicately to hit them for a "light +piece." That was how the sum of money came to be mentioned. "What?" +she said. "Two-bits," said I. Her mouth was twitching as she again +said, "What?" "Two-bits," said I. Whereat she burst into laughter. +"Won't you repeat it?" she said, when she had regained control of +herself. "Two-bits," said I. And once more she rippled into +uncontrollable silvery laughter. "I beg your pardon," said she; "but +what ... what was it you said?" "Two-bits," said I; "is there anything +wrong about it?" "Not that I know of," she gurgled between gasps; "but +what does it mean?" I explained, but I do not remember now whether or +not I got that two-bits out of her; but I have often wondered since +as to which of us was the provincial. + +When I arrived at the depot, I found, much to my disgust, a bunch of +at least twenty tramps that were waiting to ride out the blind +baggages of the overland. Now two or three tramps on the blind baggage +are all right. They are inconspicuous. But a score! That meant +trouble. No train-crew would ever let all of us ride. + +I may as well explain here what a blind baggage is. Some mail-cars are +built without doors in the ends; hence, such a car is "blind." The +mail-cars that possess end doors, have those doors always locked. +Suppose, after the train has started, that a tramp gets on to the +platform of one of these blind cars. There is no door, or the door is +locked. No conductor or brakeman can get to him to collect fare or +throw him off. It is clear that the tramp is safe until the next time +the train stops. Then he must get off, run ahead in the darkness, and +when the train pulls by, jump on to the blind again. But there are +ways and ways, as you shall see. + +When the train pulled out, those twenty tramps swarmed upon the three +blinds. Some climbed on before the train had run a car-length. They +were awkward dubs, and I saw their speedy finish. Of course, the +train-crew was "on," and at the first stop the trouble began. I jumped +off and ran forward along the track. I noticed that I was accompanied +by a number of the tramps. They evidently knew their business. When +one is beating an overland, he must always keep well ahead of the +train at the stops. I ran ahead, and as I ran, one by one those that +accompanied me dropped out. This dropping out was the measure of their +skill and nerve in boarding a train. + +For this is the way it works. When the train starts, the shack rides +out the blind. There is no way for him to get back into the train +proper except by jumping off the blind and catching a platform where +the car-ends are not "blind." When the train is going as fast as the +shack cares to risk, he therefore jumps off the blind, lets several +cars go by, and gets on to the train. So it is up to the tramp to run +so far ahead that before the blind is opposite him the shack will have +already vacated it. + +I dropped the last tramp by about fifty feet, and waited. The train +started. I saw the lantern of the shack on the first blind. He was +riding her out. And I saw the dubs stand forlornly by the track as the +blind went by. They made no attempt to get on. They were beaten by +their own inefficiency at the very start. After them, in the line-up, +came the tramps that knew a little something about the game. They let +the first blind, occupied by the shack, go by, and jumped on the +second and third blinds. Of course, the shack jumped off the first and +on to the second as it went by, and scrambled around there, throwing +off the men who had boarded it. But the point is that I was so far +ahead that when the first blind came opposite me, the shack had +already left it and was tangled up with the tramps on the second +blind. A half dozen of the more skilful tramps, who had run far enough +ahead, made the first blind, too. + +At the next stop, as we ran forward along the track, I counted but +fifteen of us. Five had been ditched. The weeding-out process had +begun nobly, and it continued station by station. Now we were +fourteen, now twelve, now eleven, now nine, now eight. It reminded me +of the ten little niggers of the nursery rhyme. I was resolved that I +should be the last little nigger of all. And why not? Was I not +blessed with strength, agility, and youth? (I was eighteen, and in +perfect condition.) And didn't I have my "nerve" with me? And +furthermore, was I not a tramp-royal? Were not these other tramps mere +dubs and "gay-cats" and amateurs alongside of me? If I weren't the +last little nigger, I might as well quit the game and get a job on an +alfalfa farm somewhere. + +By the time our number had been reduced to four, the whole train-crew +had become interested. From then on it was a contest of skill and +wits, with the odds in favor of the crew. One by one the three other +survivors turned up missing, until I alone remained. My, but I was +proud of myself! No Croesus was ever prouder of his first million. I +was holding her down in spite of two brakemen, a conductor, a fireman, +and an engineer. + +And here are a few samples of the way I held her down. Out ahead, in +the darkness,--so far ahead that the shack riding out the blind must +perforce get off before it reaches me,--I get on. Very well. I am +good for another station. When that station is reached, I dart ahead +again to repeat the manoeuvre. The train pulls out. I watch her +coming. There is no light of a lantern on the blind. Has the crew +abandoned the fight? I do not know. One never knows, and one must be +prepared every moment for anything. As the first blind comes opposite +me, and I run to leap aboard, I strain my eyes to see if the shack is +on the platform. For all I know he may be there, with his lantern +doused, and even as I spring upon the steps that lantern may smash +down upon my head. I ought to know. I have been hit by lanterns two or +three times. + +But no, the first blind is empty. The train is gathering speed. I am +safe for another station. But am I? I feel the train slacken speed. On +the instant I am alert. A manoeuvre is being executed against me, and +I do not know what it is. I try to watch on both sides at once, not +forgetting to keep track of the tender in front of me. From any one, +or all, of these three directions, I may be assailed. + +Ah, there it comes. The shack has ridden out the engine. My first +warning is when his feet strike the steps of the right-hand side of +the blind. Like a flash I am off the blind to the left and running +ahead past the engine. I lose myself in the darkness. The situation is +where it has been ever since the train left Ottawa. I am ahead, and +the train must come past me if it is to proceed on its journey. I have +as good a chance as ever for boarding her. + +I watch carefully. I see a lantern come forward to the engine, and I +do not see it go back from the engine. It must therefore be still on +the engine, and it is a fair assumption that attached to the handle of +that lantern is a shack. That shack was lazy, or else he would have +put out his lantern instead of trying to shield it as he came forward. +The train pulls out. The first blind is empty, and I gain it. As +before the train slackens, the shack from the engine boards the blind +from one side, and I go off the other side and run forward. + +As I wait in the darkness I am conscious of a big thrill of pride. The +overland has stopped twice for me--for me, a poor hobo on the bum. I +alone have twice stopped the overland with its many passengers and +coaches, its government mail, and its two thousand steam horses +straining in the engine. And I weigh only one hundred and sixty +pounds, and I haven't a five-cent piece in my pocket! + +Again I see the lantern come forward to the engine. But this time it +comes conspicuously. A bit too conspicuously to suit me, and I wonder +what is up. At any rate I have something else to be afraid of than the +shack on the engine. The train pulls by. Just in time, before I make +my spring, I see the dark form of a shack, without a lantern, on the +first blind. I let it go by, and prepare to board the second blind. +But the shack on the first blind has jumped off and is at my heels. +Also, I have a fleeting glimpse of the lantern of the shack who rode +out the engine. He has jumped off, and now both shacks are on the +ground on the same side with me. The next moment the second blind +comes by and I am aboard it. But I do not linger. I have figured out +my countermove. As I dash across the platform I hear the impact of the +shack's feet against the steps as he boards. I jump off the other side +and run forward with the train. My plan is to run forward and get on +the first blind. It is nip and tuck, for the train is gathering speed. +Also, the shack is behind me and running after me. I guess I am the +better sprinter, for I make the first blind. I stand on the steps and +watch my pursuer. He is only about ten feet back and running hard; but +now the train has approximated his own speed, and, relative to me, he +is standing still. I encourage him, hold out my hand to him; but he +explodes in a mighty oath, gives up and makes the train several cars +back. + +The train is speeding along, and I am still chuckling to myself, when, +without warning, a spray of water strikes me. The fireman is playing +the hose on me from the engine. I step forward from the car-platform +to the rear of the tender, where I am sheltered under the overhang. +The water flies harmlessly over my head. My fingers itch to climb up +on the tender and lam that fireman with a chunk of coal; but I know if +I do that, I'll be massacred by him and the engineer, and I refrain. + +At the next stop I am off and ahead in the darkness. This time, when +the train pulls out, both shacks are on the first blind. I divine +their game. They have blocked the repetition of my previous play. I +cannot again take the second blind, cross over, and run forward to +the first. As soon as the first blind passes and I do not get on, they +swing off, one on each side of the train. I board the second blind, +and as I do so I know that a moment later, simultaneously, those two +shacks will arrive on both sides of me. It is like a trap. Both ways +are blocked. Yet there is another way out, and that way is up. + +So I do not wait for my pursuers to arrive. I climb upon the upright +ironwork of the platform and stand upon the wheel of the hand-brake. +This has taken up the moment of grace and I hear the shacks strike the +steps on either side. I don't stop to look. I raise my arms overhead +until my hands rest against the down-curving ends of the roofs of the +two cars. One hand, of course, is on the curved roof of one car, the +other hand on the curved roof of the other car. By this time both +shacks are coming up the steps. I know it, though I am too busy to see +them. All this is happening in the space of only several seconds. I +make a spring with my legs and "muscle" myself up with my arms. As I +draw up my legs, both shacks reach for me and clutch empty air. I know +this, for I look down and see them. Also I hear them swear. + +I am now in a precarious position, riding the ends of the down-curving +roofs of two cars at the same time. With a quick, tense movement, I +transfer both legs to the curve of one roof and both hands to the +curve of the other roof. Then, gripping the edge of that curving roof, +I climb over the curve to the level roof above, where I sit down to +catch my breath, holding on the while to a ventilator that projects +above the surface. I am on top of the train--on the "decks," as the +tramps call it, and this process I have described is by them called +"decking her." And let me say right here that only a young and +vigorous tramp is able to deck a passenger train, and also, that the +young and vigorous tramp must have his nerve with him as well. + +The train goes on gathering speed, and I know I am safe until the next +stop--but only until the next stop. If I remain on the roof after the +train stops, I know those shacks will fusillade me with rocks. A +healthy shack can "dewdrop" a pretty heavy chunk of stone on top of a +car--say anywhere from five to twenty pounds. On the other hand, the +chances are large that at the next stop the shacks will be waiting for +me to descend at the place I climbed up. It is up to me to climb down +at some other platform. + +Registering a fervent hope that there are no tunnels in the next half +mile, I rise to my feet and walk down the train half a dozen cars. And +let me say that one must leave timidity behind him on such a +_passear_. The roofs of passenger coaches are not made for midnight +promenades. And if any one thinks they are, let me advise him to try +it. Just let him walk along the roof of a jolting, lurching car, with +nothing to hold on to but the black and empty air, and when he comes +to the down-curving end of the roof, all wet and slippery with dew, +let him accelerate his speed so as to step across to the next roof, +down-curving and wet and slippery. Believe me, he will learn whether +his heart is weak or his head is giddy. + +As the train slows down for a stop, half a dozen platforms from where +I had decked her I come down. No one is on the platform. When the +train comes to a standstill, I slip off to the ground. Ahead, and +between me and the engine, are two moving lanterns. The shacks are +looking for me on the roofs of the cars. I note that the car beside +which I am standing is a "four-wheeler"--by which is meant that it has +only four wheels to each truck. (When you go underneath on the rods, +be sure to avoid the "six-wheelers,"--they lead to disasters.) + +I duck under the train and make for the rods, and I can tell you I am +mighty glad that the train is standing still. It is the first time I +have ever gone underneath on the Canadian Pacific, and the internal +arrangements are new to me. I try to crawl over the top of the truck, +between the truck and the bottom of the car. But the space is not +large enough for me to squeeze through. This is new to me. Down in the +United States I am accustomed to going underneath on rapidly moving +trains, seizing a gunnel and swinging my feet under to the brake-beam, +and from there crawling over the top of the truck and down inside the +truck to a seat on the cross-rod. + +Feeling with my hands in the darkness, I learn that there is room +between the brake-beam and the ground. It is a tight squeeze. I have +to lie flat and worm my way through. Once inside the truck, I take my +seat on the rod and wonder what the shacks are thinking has become of +me. The train gets under way. They have given me up at last. + +But have they? At the very next stop, I see a lantern thrust under +the next truck to mine at the other end of the car. They are searching +the rods for me. I must make my get-away pretty lively. I crawl on my +stomach under the brake-beam. They see me and run for me, but I crawl +on hands and knees across the rail on the opposite side and gain my +feet. Then away I go for the head of the train. I run past the engine +and hide in the sheltering darkness. It is the same old situation. I +am ahead of the train, and the train must go past me. + +The train pulls out. There is a lantern on the first blind. I lie low, +and see the peering shack go by. But there is also a lantern on the +second blind. That shack spots me and calls to the shack who has gone +past on the first blind. Both jump off. Never mind, I'll take the +third blind and deck her. But heavens, there is a lantern on the third +blind, too. It is the conductor. I let it go by. At any rate I have +now the full train-crew in front of me. I turn and run back in the +opposite direction to what the train is going. I look over my +shoulder. All three lanterns are on the ground and wobbling along in +pursuit. I sprint. Half the train has gone by, and it is going quite +fast, when I spring aboard. I know that the two shacks and the +conductor will arrive like ravening wolves in about two seconds. I +spring upon the wheel of the hand-brake, get my hands on the curved +ends of the roofs, and muscle myself up to the decks; while my +disappointed pursuers, clustering on the platform beneath like dogs +that have treed a cat, howl curses up at me and say unsocial things +about my ancestors. + +But what does that matter? It is five to one, including the engineer +and fireman, and the majesty of the law and the might of a great +corporation are behind them, and I am beating them out. I am too far +down the train, and I run ahead over the roofs of the coaches until I +am over the fifth or sixth platform from the engine. I peer down +cautiously. A shack is on that platform. That he has caught sight of +me, I know from the way he makes a swift sneak inside the car; and I +know, also, that he is waiting inside the door, all ready to pounce +out on me when I climb down. But I make believe that I don't know, and +I remain there to encourage him in his error. I do not see him, yet I +know that he opens the door once and peeps up to assure himself that I +am still there. + +The train slows down for a station. I dangle my legs down in a +tentative way. The train stops. My legs are still dangling. I hear the +door unlatch softly. He is all ready for me. Suddenly I spring up and +run forward over the roof. This is right over his head, where he lurks +inside the door. The train is standing still; the night is quiet, and +I take care to make plenty of noise on the metal roof with my feet. I +don't know, but my assumption is that he is now running forward to +catch me as I descend at the next platform. But I don't descend there. +Halfway along the roof of the coach, I turn, retrace my way softly and +quickly to the platform both the shack and I have just abandoned. The +coast is clear. I descend to the ground on the off-side of the train +and hide in the darkness. Not a soul has seen me. + +I go over to the fence, at the edge of the right of way, and watch. +Ah, ha! What's that? I see a lantern on top of the train, moving along +from front to rear. They think I haven't come down, and they are +searching the roofs for me. And better than that--on the ground on +each side of the train, moving abreast with the lantern on top, are +two other lanterns. It is a rabbit-drive, and I am the rabbit. When +the shack on top flushes me, the ones on each side will nab me. I roll +a cigarette and watch the procession go by. Once past me, I am safe to +proceed to the front of the train. She pulls out, and I make the front +blind without opposition. But before she is fully under way and just +as I am lighting my cigarette, I am aware that the fireman has climbed +over the coal to the back of the tender and is looking down at me. I +am filled with apprehension. From his position he can mash me to a +jelly with lumps of coal. Instead of which he addresses me, and I note +with relief the admiration in his voice. + +"You son-of-a-gun," is what he says. + +It is a high compliment, and I thrill as a schoolboy thrills on +receiving a reward of merit. + +"Say," I call up to him, "don't you play the hose on me any more." + +"All right," he answers, and goes back to his work. + +I have made friends with the engine, but the shacks are still looking +for me. At the next stop, the shacks ride out all three blinds, and as +before, I let them go by and deck in the middle of the train. The +crew is on its mettle by now, and the train stops. The shacks are +going to ditch me or know the reason why. Three times the mighty +overland stops for me at that station, and each time I elude the +shacks and make the decks. But it is hopeless, for they have finally +come to an understanding of the situation. I have taught them that +they cannot guard the train from me. They must do something else. + +And they do it. When the train stops that last time, they take after +me hot-footed. Ah, I see their game. They are trying to run me down. +At first they herd me back toward the rear of the train. I know my +peril. Once to the rear of the train, it will pull out with me left +behind. I double, and twist, and turn, dodge through my pursuers, and +gain the front of the train. One shack still hangs on after me. All +right, I'll give him the run of his life, for my wind is good. I run +straight ahead along the track. It doesn't matter. If he chases me ten +miles, he'll nevertheless have to catch the train, and I can board her +at any speed that he can. + +So I run on, keeping just comfortably ahead of him and straining my +eyes in the gloom for cattle-guards and switches that may bring me to +grief. Alas! I strain my eyes too far ahead, and trip over something +just under my feet, I know not what, some little thing, and go down to +earth in a long, stumbling fall. The next moment I am on my feet, but +the shack has me by the collar. I do not struggle. I am busy with +breathing deeply and with sizing him up. He is narrow-shouldered, and +I have at least thirty pounds the better of him in weight. Besides, he +is just as tired as I am, and if he tries to slug me, I'll teach him a +few things. + +But he doesn't try to slug me, and that problem is settled. Instead, +he starts to lead me back toward the train, and another possible +problem arises. I see the lanterns of the conductor and the other +shack. We are approaching them. Not for nothing have I made the +acquaintance of the New York police. Not for nothing, in box-cars, by +water-tanks, and in prison-cells, have I listened to bloody tales of +man-handling. What if these three men are about to man-handle me? +Heaven knows I have given them provocation enough. I think quickly. We +are drawing nearer and nearer to the other two trainmen. I line up the +stomach and the jaw of my captor, and plan the right and left I'll +give him at the first sign of trouble. + +Pshaw! I know another trick I'd like to work on him, and I almost +regret that I did not do it at the moment I was captured. I could make +him sick, what of his clutch on my collar. His fingers, +tight-gripping, are buried inside my collar. My coat is tightly +buttoned. Did you ever see a tourniquet? Well, this is one. All I have +to do is to duck my head under his arm and begin to twist. I must +twist rapidly--very rapidly. I know how to do it; twisting in a +violent, jerky way, ducking my head under his arm with each +revolution. Before he knows it, those detaining fingers of his will be +detained. He will be unable to withdraw them. It is a powerful +leverage. Twenty seconds after I have started revolving, the blood +will be bursting out of his finger-ends, the delicate tendons will be +rupturing, and all the muscles and nerves will be mashing and crushing +together in a shrieking mass. Try it sometime when somebody has you by +the collar. But be quick--quick as lightning. Also, be sure to hug +yourself while you are revolving--hug your face with your left arm and +your abdomen with your right. You see, the other fellow might try to +stop you with a punch from his free arm. It would be a good idea, too, +to revolve away from that free arm rather than toward it. A punch +going is never so bad as a punch coming. + +That shack will never know how near he was to being made very, very +sick. All that saves him is that it is not in their plan to man-handle +me. When we draw near enough, he calls out that he has me, and they +signal the train to come on. The engine passes us, and the three +blinds. After that, the conductor and the other shack swing aboard. +But still my captor holds on to me. I see the plan. He is going to +hold me until the rear of the train goes by. Then he will hop on, and +I shall be left behind--ditched. + +But the train has pulled out fast, the engineer trying to make up for +lost time. Also, it is a long train. It is going very lively, and I +know the shack is measuring its speed with apprehension. + +"Think you can make it?" I query innocently. + +He releases my collar, makes a quick run, and swings aboard. A number +of coaches are yet to pass by. He knows it, and remains on the steps, +his head poked out and watching me. In that moment my next move comes +to me. I'll make the last platform. I know she's going fast and +faster, but I'll only get a roll in the dirt if I fail, and the +optimism of youth is mine. I do not give myself away. I stand with a +dejected droop of shoulder, advertising that I have abandoned hope. +But at the same time I am feeling with my feet the good gravel. It is +perfect footing. Also I am watching the poked-out head of the shack. I +see it withdrawn. He is confident that the train is going too fast for +me ever to make it. + +And the train _is_ going fast--faster than any train I have ever +tackled. As the last coach comes by I sprint in the same direction +with it. It is a swift, short sprint. I cannot hope to equal the speed +of the train, but I can reduce the difference of our speed to the +minimum, and, hence, reduce the shock of impact, when I leap on board. +In the fleeting instant of darkness I do not see the iron hand-rail of +the last platform; nor is there time for me to locate it. I reach for +where I think it ought to be, and at the same instant my feet leave +the ground. It is all in the toss. The next moment I may be rolling in +the gravel with broken ribs, or arms, or head. But my fingers grip the +hand-hold, there is a jerk on my arms that slightly pivots my body, +and my feet land on the steps with sharp violence. + +I sit down, feeling very proud of myself. In all my hoboing it is the +best bit of train-jumping I have done. I know that late at night one +is always good for several stations on the last platform, but I do not +care to trust myself at the rear of the train. At the first stop I run +forward on the off-side of the train, pass the Pullmans, and duck +under and take a rod under a day-coach. At the next stop I run forward +again and take another rod. + +I am now comparatively safe. The shacks think I am ditched. But the +long day and the strenuous night are beginning to tell on me. Also, it +is not so windy nor cold underneath, and I begin to doze. This will +never do. Sleep on the rods spells death, so I crawl out at a station +and go forward to the second blind. Here I can lie down and sleep; and +here I do sleep--how long I do not know--for I am awakened by a +lantern thrust into my face. The two shacks are staring at me. I +scramble up on the defensive, wondering as to which one is going to +make the first "pass" at me. But slugging is far from their minds. + +"I thought you was ditched," says the shack who had held me by the +collar. + +"If you hadn't let go of me when you did, you'd have been ditched +along with me," I answer. + +"How's that?" he asks. + +"I'd have gone into a clinch with you, that's all," is my reply. + +They hold a consultation, and their verdict is summed up in:-- + +"Well, I guess you can ride, Bo. There's no use trying to keep you +off." + +And they go away and leave me in peace to the end of their division. + +I have given the foregoing as a sample of what "holding her down" +means. Of course, I have selected a fortunate night out of my +experiences, and said nothing of the nights--and many of them--when I +was tripped up by accident and ditched. + +In conclusion, I want to tell of what happened when I reached the end +of the division. On single-track, transcontinental lines, the freight +trains wait at the divisions and follow out after the passenger +trains. When the division was reached, I left my train, and looked for +the freight that would pull out behind it. I found the freight, made +up on a side-track and waiting. I climbed into a box-car half full of +coal and lay down. In no time I was asleep. + +I was awakened by the sliding open of the door. Day was just dawning, +cold and gray, and the freight had not yet started. A "con" +(conductor) was poking his head inside the door. + +"Get out of that, you blankety-blank-blank!" he roared at me. + +I got, and outside I watched him go down the line inspecting every car +in the train. When he got out of sight I thought to myself that he +would never think I'd have the nerve to climb back into the very car +out of which he had fired me. So back I climbed and lay down again. + +Now that con's mental processes must have been paralleling mine, for +he reasoned that it was the very thing I would do. For back he came +and fired me out. + +Now, surely, I reasoned, he will never dream that I'd do it a third +time. Back I went, into the very same car. But I decided to make sure. +Only one side-door could be opened. The other side-door was nailed up. +Beginning at the top of the coal, I dug a hole alongside of that door +and lay down in it. I heard the other door open. The con climbed up +and looked in over the top of the coal. He couldn't see me. He called +to me to get out. I tried to fool him by remaining quiet. But when he +began tossing chunks of coal into the hole on top of me, I gave up and +for the third time was fired out. Also, he informed me in warm terms +of what would happen to me if he caught me in there again. + +I changed my tactics. When a man is paralleling your mental processes, +ditch him. Abruptly break off your line of reasoning, and go off on a +new line. This I did. I hid between some cars on an adjacent +side-track, and watched. Sure enough, that con came back again to the +car. He opened the door, he climbed up, he called, he threw coal into +the hole I had made. He even crawled over the coal and looked into the +hole. That satisfied him. Five minutes later the freight was pulling +out, and he was not in sight. I ran alongside the car, pulled the door +open, and climbed in. He never looked for me again, and I rode that +coal-car precisely one thousand and twenty-two miles, sleeping most of +the time and getting out at divisions (where the freights always stop +for an hour or so) to beg my food. And at the end of the thousand and +twenty-two miles I lost that car through a happy incident. I got a +"set-down," and the tramp doesn't live who won't miss a train for a +set-down any time. + + + + +PICTURES + + "What do it matter where or 'ow we die, + So long as we've our 'ealth to watch it all?" + + --Sestina of the Tramp-Royal + + +Perhaps the greatest charm of tramp-life is the absence of monotony. +In Hobo Land the face of life is protean--an ever changing +phantasmagoria, where the impossible happens and the unexpected jumps +out of the bushes at every turn of the road. The hobo never knows what +is going to happen the next moment; hence, he lives only in the +present moment. He has learned the futility of telic endeavor, and +knows the delight of drifting along with the whimsicalities of Chance. + +Often I think over my tramp days, and ever I marvel at the swift +succession of pictures that flash up in my memory. It matters not +where I begin to think; any day of all the days is a day apart, with a +record of swift-moving pictures all its own. For instance, I remember +a sunny summer morning in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, and immediately +comes to my mind the auspicious beginning of the day--a "set-down" +with two maiden ladies, and not in their kitchen, but in their dining +room, with them beside me at the table. We ate eggs, out of egg-cups! +It was the first time I had ever seen egg-cups, or heard of egg-cups! +I was a bit awkward at first, I'll confess; but I was hungry and +unabashed. I mastered the egg-cup, and I mastered the eggs in a way +that made those two maiden ladies sit up. + +Why, they ate like a couple of canaries, dabbling with the one egg +each they took, and nibbling at tiny wafers of toast. Life was low in +their bodies; their blood ran thin; and they had slept warm all night. +I had been out all night, consuming much fuel of my body to keep warm, +beating my way down from a place called Emporium, in the northern part +of the state. Wafers of toast! Out of sight! But each wafer was no +more than a mouthful to me--nay, no more than a bite. It is tedious to +have to reach for another piece of toast each bite when one is +potential with many bites. + +When I was a very little lad, I had a very little dog called Punch. I +saw to his feeding myself. Some one in the household had shot a lot of +ducks, and we had a fine meat dinner. When I had finished, I prepared +Punch's dinner--a large plateful of bones and tidbits. I went outside +to give it to him. Now it happened that a visitor had ridden over from +a neighboring ranch, and with him had come a Newfoundland dog as big +as a calf. I set the plate on the ground. Punch wagged his tail and +began. He had before him a blissful half-hour at least. There was a +sudden rush. Punch was brushed aside like a straw in the path of a +cyclone, and that Newfoundland swooped down upon the plate. In spite +of his huge maw he must have been trained to quick lunches, for, in +the fleeting instant before he received the kick in the ribs I aimed +at him, he completely engulfed the contents of the plate. He swept it +clean. One last lingering lick of his tongue removed even the grease +stains. + +As that big Newfoundland behaved at the plate of my dog Punch, so +behaved I at the table of those two maiden ladies of Harrisburg. I +swept it bare. I didn't break anything, but I cleaned out the eggs and +the toast and the coffee. The servant brought more, but I kept her +busy, and ever she brought more and more. The coffee was delicious, +but it needn't have been served in such tiny cups. What time had I to +eat when it took all my time to prepare the many cups of coffee for +drinking? + +At any rate, it gave my tongue time to wag. Those two maiden ladies, +with their pink-and-white complexions and gray curls, had never looked +upon the bright face of adventure. As the "Tramp-Royal" would have it, +they had worked all their lives "on one same shift." Into the sweet +scents and narrow confines of their uneventful existence I brought the +large airs of the world, freighted with the lusty smells of sweat and +strife, and with the tangs and odors of strange lands and soils. And +right well I scratched their soft palms with the callous on my own +palms--the half-inch horn that comes of pull-and-haul of rope and long +and arduous hours of caressing shovel-handles. This I did, not merely +in the braggadocio of youth, but to prove, by toil performed, the +claim I had upon their charity. + +Ah, I can see them now, those dear, sweet ladies, just as I sat at +their breakfast table twelve years ago, discoursing upon the way of my +feet in the world, brushing aside their kindly counsel as a real +devilish fellow should, and thrilling them, not alone with my own +adventures, but with the adventures of all the other fellows with whom +I had rubbed shoulders and exchanged confidences. I appropriated them +all, the adventures of the other fellows, I mean; and if those maiden +ladies had been less trustful and guileless, they could have tangled +me up beautifully in my chronology. Well, well, and what of it? It was +fair exchange. For their many cups of coffee, and eggs, and bites of +toast, I gave full value. Right royally I gave them entertainment. My +coming to sit at their table was their adventure, and adventure is +beyond price anyway. + +Coming along the street, after parting from the maiden ladies, I +gathered in a newspaper from the doorway of some late-riser, and in a +grassy park lay down to get in touch with the last twenty-four hours +of the world. There, in the park, I met a fellow-hobo who told me his +life-story and who wrestled with me to join the United States Army. He +had given in to the recruiting officer and was just about to join, and +he couldn't see why I shouldn't join with him. He had been a member of +Coxey's Army in the march to Washington several months before, and +that seemed to have given him a taste for army life. I, too, was a +veteran, for had I not been a private in Company L of the Second +Division of Kelly's Industrial Army?--said Company L being commonly +known as the "Nevada push." But my army experience had had the +opposite effect on me; so I left that hobo to go his way to the dogs +of war, while I "threw my feet" for dinner. + +This duty performed, I started to walk across the bridge over the +Susquehanna to the west shore. I forget the name of the railroad that +ran down that side, but while lying in the grass in the morning the +idea had come to me to go to Baltimore; so to Baltimore I was going on +that railroad, whatever its name was. It was a warm afternoon, and +part way across the bridge I came to a lot of fellows who were in +swimming off one of the piers. Off went my clothes and in went I. The +water was fine; but when I came out and dressed, I found I had been +robbed. Some one had gone through my clothes. Now I leave it to you if +being robbed isn't in itself adventure enough for one day. I have +known men who have been robbed and who have talked all the rest of +their lives about it. True, the thief that went through my clothes +didn't get much--some thirty or forty cents in nickels and pennies, +and my tobacco and cigarette papers; but it was all I had, which is +more than most men can be robbed of, for they have something left at +home, while I had no home. It was a pretty tough gang in swimming +there. I sized up, and knew better than to squeal. So I begged "the +makings," and I could have sworn it was one of my own papers I rolled +the tobacco in. + +Then on across the bridge I hiked to the west shore. Here ran the +railroad I was after. No station was in sight. How to catch a freight +without walking to a station was the problem. I noticed that the track +came up a steep grade, culminating at the point where I had tapped it, +and I knew that a heavy freight couldn't pull up there any too lively. +But how lively? On the opposite side of the track rose a high bank. On +the edge, at the top, I saw a man's head sticking up from the grass. +Perhaps he knew how fast the freights took the grade, and when the +next one went south. I called out my questions to him, and he motioned +to me to come up. + +I obeyed, and when I reached the top, I found four other men lying in +the grass with him. I took in the scene and knew them for what they +were--American gypsies. In the open space that extended back among the +trees from the edge of the bank were several nondescript wagons. +Ragged, half-naked children swarmed over the camp, though I noticed +that they took care not to come near and bother the men-folk. Several +lean, unbeautiful, and toil-degraded women were pottering about with +camp-chores, and one I noticed who sat by herself on the seat of one +of the wagons, her head drooped forward, her knees drawn up to her +chin and clasped limply by her arms. She did not look happy. She +looked as if she did not care for anything--in this I was wrong, for +later I was to learn that there was something for which she did care. +The full measure of human suffering was in her face, and, in +addition, there was the tragic expression of incapacity for further +suffering. Nothing could hurt any more, was what her face seemed to +portray; but in this, too, I was wrong. + +I lay in the grass on the edge of the steep and talked with the +men-folk. We were kin--brothers. I was the American hobo, and they +were the American gypsy. I knew enough of their argot for +conversation, and they knew enough of mine. There were two more in +their gang, who were across the river "mushing" in Harrisburg. A +"musher" is an itinerant fakir. This word is not to be confounded with +the Klondike "musher," though the origin of both terms may be the +same; namely, the corruption of the French _marche ons_, to march, to +walk, to "mush." The particular graft of the two mushers who had +crossed the river was umbrella-mending; but what real graft lay behind +their umbrella-mending, I was not told, nor would it have been polite +to ask. + +It was a glorious day. Not a breath of wind was stirring, and we +basked in the shimmering warmth of the sun. From everywhere arose the +drowsy hum of insects, and the balmy air was filled with scents of the +sweet earth and the green growing things. We were too lazy to do more +than mumble on in intermittent conversation. And then, all abruptly, +the peace and quietude was jarred awry by man. + +Two bare-legged boys of eight or nine in some minor way broke some +rule of the camp--what it was I did not know; and a man who lay beside +me suddenly sat up and called to them. He was chief of the tribe, a +man with narrow forehead and narrow-slitted eyes, whose thin lips and +twisted sardonic features explained why the two boys jumped and tensed +like startled deer at the sound of his voice. The alertness of fear +was in their faces, and they turned, in a panic, to run. He called to +them to come back, and one boy lagged behind reluctantly, his meagre +little frame portraying in pantomime the struggle within him between +fear and reason. He wanted to come back. His intelligence and past +experience told him that to come back was a lesser evil than to run +on; but lesser evil that it was, it was great enough to put wings to +his fear and urge his feet to flight. + +Still he lagged and struggled until he reached the shelter of the +trees, where he halted. The chief of the tribe did not pursue. He +sauntered over to a wagon and picked up a heavy whip. Then he came +back to the centre of the open space and stood still. He did not +speak. He made no gestures. He was the Law, pitiless and omnipotent. +He merely stood there and waited. And I knew, and all knew, and the +two boys in the shelter of the trees knew, for what he waited. + +The boy who had lagged slowly came back. His face was stamped with +quivering resolution. He did not falter. He had made up his mind to +take his punishment. And mark you, the punishment was not for the +original offence, but for the offence of running away. And in this, +that tribal chieftain but behaved as behaves the exalted society in +which he lived. We punish our criminals, and when they escape and run +away, we bring them back and add to their punishment. + +Straight up to the chief the boy came, halting at the proper distance +for the swing of the lash. The whip hissed through the air, and I +caught myself with a start of surprise at the weight of the blow. The +thin little leg was so very thin and little. The flesh showed white +where the lash had curled and bitten, and then, where the white had +shown, sprang up the savage welt, with here and there along its length +little scarlet oozings where the skin had broken. Again the whip +swung, and the boy's whole body winced in anticipation of the blow, +though he did not move from the spot. His will held good. A second +welt sprang up, and a third. It was not until the fourth landed that +the boy screamed. Also, he could no longer stand still, and from then +on, blow after blow, he danced up and down in his anguish, screaming; +but he did not attempt to run away. If his involuntary dancing took +him beyond the reach of the whip, he danced back into range again. And +when it was all over--a dozen blows--he went away, whimpering and +squealing, among the wagons. + +The chief stood still and waited. The second boy came out from the +trees. But he did not come straight. He came like a cringing dog, +obsessed by little panics that made him turn and dart away for half a +dozen steps. But always he turned and came back, circling nearer and +nearer to the man, whimpering, making inarticulate animal-noises in +his throat. I saw that he never looked at the man. His eyes always +were fixed upon the whip, and in his eyes was a terror that made me +sick--the frantic terror of an inconceivably maltreated child. I have +seen strong men dropping right and left out of battle and squirming in +their death-throes, I have seen them by scores blown into the air by +bursting shells and their bodies torn asunder; believe me, the +witnessing was as merrymaking and laughter and song to me in +comparison with the way the sight of that poor child affected me. + +The whipping began. The whipping of the first boy was as play compared +with this one. In no time the blood was running down his thin little +legs. He danced and squirmed and doubled up till it seemed almost that +he was some grotesque marionette operated by strings. I say "seemed," +for his screaming gave the lie to the seeming and stamped it with +reality. His shrieks were shrill and piercing; within them no hoarse +notes, but only the thin sexlessness of the voice of a child. The time +came when the boy could stand it no more. Reason fled, and he tried to +run away. But now the man followed up, curbing his flight, herding him +with blows back always into the open space. + +Then came interruption. I heard a wild smothered cry. The woman who +sat in the wagon seat had got out and was running to interfere. She +sprang between the man and boy. + +"You want some, eh?" said he with the whip. "All right, then." + +He swung the whip upon her. Her skirts were long, so he did not try +for her legs. He drove the lash for her face, which she shielded as +best she could with her hands and forearms, drooping her head forward +between her lean shoulders, and on the lean shoulders and arms +receiving the blows. Heroic mother! She knew just what she was doing. +The boy, still shrieking, was making his get-away to the wagons. + +And all the while the four men lay beside me and watched and made no +move. Nor did I move, and without shame I say it; though my reason was +compelled to struggle hard against my natural impulse to rise up and +interfere. I knew life. Of what use to the woman, or to me, would be +my being beaten to death by five men there on the bank of the +Susquehanna? I once saw a man hanged, and though my whole soul cried +protest, my mouth cried not. Had it cried, I should most likely have +had my skull crushed by the butt of a revolver, for it was the law +that the man should hang. And here, in this gypsy group, it was the +law that the woman should be whipped. + +Even so, the reason in both cases that I did not interfere was not +that it was the law, but that the law was stronger than I. Had it not +been for those four men beside me in the grass, right gladly would I +have waded into the man with the whip. And, barring the accident of +the landing on me with a knife or a club in the hands of some of the +various women of the camp, I am confident that I should have beaten +him into a mess. But the four men _were_ beside me in the grass. They +made their law stronger than I. + +Oh, believe me, I did my own suffering. I had seen women beaten +before, often, but never had I seen such a beating as this. Her dress +across the shoulders was cut into shreds. One blow that had passed her +guard, had raised a bloody welt from cheek to chin. Not one blow, nor +two, not one dozen, nor two dozen, but endlessly, infinitely, that +whip-lash smote and curled about her. The sweat poured from me, and I +breathed hard, clutching at the grass with my hands until I strained +it out by the roots. And all the time my reason kept whispering, +"Fool! Fool!" That welt on the face nearly did for me. I started to +rise to my feet; but the hand of the man next to me went out to my +shoulder and pressed me down. + +"Easy, pardner, easy," he warned me in a low voice. I looked at him. +His eyes met mine unwaveringly. He was a large man, broad-shouldered +and heavy-muscled; and his face was lazy, phlegmatic, slothful, withal +kindly, yet without passion, and quite soulless--a dim soul, +unmalicious, unmoral, bovine, and stubborn. Just an animal he was, +with no more than a faint flickering of intelligence, a good-natured +brute with the strength and mental caliber of a gorilla. His hand +pressed heavily upon me, and I knew the weight of the muscles behind. +I looked at the other brutes, two of them unperturbed and incurious, +and one of them that gloated over the spectacle; and my reason came +back to me, my muscles relaxed, and I sank down in the grass. + +My mind went back to the two maiden ladies with whom I had had +breakfast that morning. Less than two miles, as the crow flies, +separated them from this scene. Here, in the windless day, under a +beneficent sun, was a sister of theirs being beaten by a brother of +mine. Here was a page of life they could never see--and better so, +though for lack of seeing they would never be able to understand their +sisterhood, nor themselves, nor know the clay of which they were made. +For it is not given to woman to live in sweet-scented, narrow rooms +and at the same time be a little sister to all the world. + +The whipping was finished, and the woman, no longer screaming, went +back to her seat in the wagon. Nor did the other women come to +her--just then. They were afraid. But they came afterward, when a +decent interval had elapsed. The man put the whip away and rejoined +us, flinging himself down on the other side of me. He was breathing +hard from his exertions. He wiped the sweat from his eyes on his +coat-sleeve, and looked challengingly at me. I returned his look +carelessly; what he had done was no concern of mine. I did not go away +abruptly. I lay there half an hour longer, which, under the +circumstances, was tact and etiquette. I rolled cigarettes from +tobacco I borrowed from them, and when I slipped down the bank to the +railroad, I was equipped with the necessary information for catching +the next freight bound south. + +Well, and what of it? It was a page out of life, that's all; and there +are many pages worse, far worse, that I have seen. I have sometimes +held forth (facetiously, so my listeners believed) that the chief +distinguishing trait between man and the other animals is that man is +the only animal that maltreats the females of his kind. It is +something of which no wolf nor cowardly coyote is ever guilty. It is +something that even the dog, degenerated by domestication, will not +do. The dog still retains the wild instinct in this matter, while man +has lost most of his wild instincts--at least, most of the good ones. + +Worse pages of life than what I have described? Read the reports on +child labor in the United States,--east, west, north, and south, it +doesn't matter where,--and know that all of us, profit-mongers that we +are, are typesetters and printers of worse pages of life than that +mere page of wife-beating on the Susquehanna. + +I went down the grade a hundred yards to where the footing beside the +track was good. Here I could catch my freight as it pulled slowly up +the hill, and here I found half a dozen hoboes waiting for the same +purpose. Several were playing seven-up with an old pack of cards. I +took a hand. A coon began to shuffle the deck. He was fat, and young, +and moon-faced. He beamed with good-nature. It fairly oozed from him. +As he dealt the first card to me, he paused and said:-- + +"Say, Bo, ain't I done seen you befo'?" + +"You sure have," I answered. "An' you didn't have those same duds on, +either." + +He was puzzled. + +"D'ye remember Buffalo?" I queried. + +Then he knew me, and with laughter and ejaculation hailed me as a +comrade; for at Buffalo his clothes had been striped while he did his +bit of time in the Erie County Penitentiary. For that matter, my +clothes had been likewise striped, for I had been doing my bit of +time, too. + +The game proceeded, and I learned the stake for which we played. Down +the bank toward the river descended a steep and narrow path that led +to a spring some twenty-five feet beneath. We played on the edge of +the bank. The man who was "stuck" had to take a small condensed-milk +can, and with it carry water to the winners. + +The first game was played and the coon was stuck. He took the small +milk-tin and climbed down the bank, while we sat above and guyed him. +We drank like fish. Four round trips he had to make for me alone, and +the others were equally lavish with their thirst. The path was very +steep, and sometimes the coon slipped when part way up, spilled the +water, and had to go back for more. But he didn't get angry. He +laughed as heartily as any of us; that was why he slipped so often. +Also, he assured us of the prodigious quantities of water he would +drink when some one else got stuck. + +When our thirst was quenched, another game was started. Again the coon +was stuck, and again we drank our fill. A third game and a fourth +ended the same way, and each time that moon-faced darky nearly died +with delight at appreciation of the fate that Chance was dealing out +to him. And we nearly died with him, what of our delight. We laughed +like careless children, or gods, there on the edge of the bank. I know +that I laughed till it seemed the top of my head would come off, and +I drank from the milk-tin till I was nigh waterlogged. Serious +discussion arose as to whether we could successfully board the freight +when it pulled up the grade, what of the weight of water secreted on +our persons. This particular phase of the situation just about +finished the coon. He had to break off from water-carrying for at +least five minutes while he lay down and rolled with laughter. + +The lengthening shadows stretched farther and farther across the +river, and the soft, cool twilight came on, and ever we drank water, +and ever our ebony cup-bearer brought more and more. Forgotten was the +beaten woman of the hour before. That was a page read and turned over; +I was busy now with this new page, and when the engine whistled on the +grade, this page would be finished and another begun; and so the book +of life goes on, page after page and pages without end--when one is +young. + +And then we played a game in which the coon failed to be stuck. The +victim was a lean and dyspeptic-looking hobo, the one who had laughed +least of all of us. We said we didn't want any water--which was the +truth. Not the wealth of Ormuz and of Ind, nor the pressure of a +pneumatic ram, could have forced another drop into my saturated +carcass. The coon looked disappointed, then rose to the occasion and +guessed he'd have some. He meant it, too. He had some, and then some, +and then some. Ever the melancholy hobo climbed down and up the steep +bank, and ever the coon called for more. He drank more water than all +the rest of us put together. The twilight deepened into night, the +stars came out, and he still drank on. I do believe that if the +whistle of the freight hadn't sounded, he'd be there yet, swilling +water and revenge while the melancholy hobo toiled down and up. + +But the whistle sounded. The page was done. We sprang to our feet and +strung out alongside the track. There she came, coughing and +spluttering up the grade, the headlight turning night into day and +silhouetting us in sharp relief. The engine passed us, and we were all +running with the train, some boarding on the side-ladders, others +"springing" the side-doors of empty box-cars and climbing in. I caught +a flat-car loaded with mixed lumber and crawled away into a +comfortable nook. I lay on my back with a newspaper under my head for +a pillow. Above me the stars were winking and wheeling in squadrons +back and forth as the train rounded the curves, and watching them I +fell asleep. The day was done--one day of all my days. To-morrow would +be another day, and I was young. + + + + +"PINCHED" + + +I rode into Niagara Falls in a "side-door Pullman," or, in common +parlance, a box-car. A flat-car, by the way, is known amongst the +fraternity as a "gondola," with the second syllable emphasized and +pronounced long. But to return. I arrived in the afternoon and headed +straight from the freight train to the falls. Once my eyes were filled +with that wonder-vision of down-rushing water, I was lost. I could not +tear myself away long enough to "batter" the "privates" (domiciles) +for my supper. Even a "set-down" could not have lured me away. Night +came on, a beautiful night of moonlight, and I lingered by the falls +until after eleven. Then it was up to me to hunt for a place to "kip." + +"Kip," "doss," "flop," "pound your ear," all mean the same thing; +namely, to sleep. Somehow, I had a "hunch" that Niagara Falls was a +"bad" town for hoboes, and I headed out into the country. I climbed a +fence and "flopped" in a field. John Law would never find me there, I +flattered myself. I lay on my back in the grass and slept like a babe. +It was so balmy warm that I woke up not once all night. But with the +first gray daylight my eyes opened, and I remembered the wonderful +falls. I climbed the fence and started down the road to have another +look at them. It was early--not more than five o'clock--and not until +eight o'clock could I begin to batter for my breakfast. I could spend +at least three hours by the river. Alas! I was fated never to see the +river nor the falls again. + +The town was asleep when I entered it. As I came along the quiet +street, I saw three men coming toward me along the sidewalk. They were +walking abreast. Hoboes, I decided, like myself, who had got up early. +In this surmise I was not quite correct. I was only sixty-six and +two-thirds per cent correct. The men on each side were hoboes all +right, but the man in the middle wasn't. I directed my steps to the +edge of the sidewalk in order to let the trio go by. But it didn't go +by. At some word from the man in the centre, all three halted, and he +of the centre addressed me. + +I piped the lay on the instant. He was a "fly-cop" and the two hoboes +were his prisoners. John Law was up and out after the early worm. I +was a worm. Had I been richer by the experiences that were to befall +me in the next several months, I should have turned and run like the +very devil. He might have shot at me, but he'd have had to hit me to +get me. He'd have never run after me, for two hoboes in the hand are +worth more than one on the get-away. But like a dummy I stood still +when he halted me. Our conversation was brief. + +"What hotel are you stopping at?" he queried. + +He had me. I wasn't stopping at any hotel, and, since I did not know +the name of a hotel in the place, I could not claim residence in any +of them. Also, I was up too early in the morning. Everything was +against me. + +"I just arrived," I said. + +"Well, you turn around and walk in front of me, and not too far in +front. There's somebody wants to see you." + +I was "pinched." I knew who wanted to see me. With that "fly-cop" and +the two hoboes at my heels, and under the direction of the former, I +led the way to the city jail. There we were searched and our names +registered. I have forgotten, now, under which name I was registered. +I gave the name of Jack Drake, but when they searched me, they found +letters addressed to Jack London. This caused trouble and required +explanation, all of which has passed from my mind, and to this day I +do not know whether I was pinched as Jack Drake or Jack London. But +one or the other, it should be there to-day in the prison register of +Niagara Falls. Reference can bring it to light. The time was somewhere +in the latter part of June, 1894. It was only a few days after my +arrest that the great railroad strike began. + +From the office we were led to the "Hobo" and locked in. The "Hobo" is +that part of a prison where the minor offenders are confined together +in a large iron cage. Since hoboes constitute the principal division +of the minor offenders, the aforesaid iron cage is called the Hobo. +Here we met several hoboes who had already been pinched that morning, +and every little while the door was unlocked and two or three more +were thrust in on us. At last, when we totalled sixteen, we were led +upstairs into the court-room. And now I shall faithfully describe +what took place in that court-room, for know that my patriotic +American citizenship there received a shock from which it has never +fully recovered. + +In the court-room were the sixteen prisoners, the judge, and two +bailiffs. The judge seemed to act as his own clerk. There were no +witnesses. There were no citizens of Niagara Falls present to look on +and see how justice was administered in their community. The judge +glanced at the list of cases before him and called out a name. A hobo +stood up. The judge glanced at a bailiff. "Vagrancy, your Honor," said +the bailiff. "Thirty days," said his Honor. The hobo sat down, and the +judge was calling another name and another hobo was rising to his +feet. + +The trial of that hobo had taken just about fifteen seconds. The trial +of the next hobo came off with equal celerity. The bailiff said, +"Vagrancy, your Honor," and his Honor said, "Thirty days." Thus it +went like clockwork, fifteen seconds to a hobo--and thirty days. + +They are poor dumb cattle, I thought to myself. But wait till my turn +comes; I'll give his Honor a "spiel." Part way along in the +performance, his Honor, moved by some whim, gave one of us an +opportunity to speak. As chance would have it, this man was not a +genuine hobo. He bore none of the ear-marks of the professional +"stiff." Had he approached the rest of us, while waiting at a +water-tank for a freight, we should have unhesitatingly classified him as +a "gay-cat." Gay-cat is the synonym for tenderfoot in Hobo Land. This +gay-cat was well along in years--somewhere around forty-five, I should +judge. His shoulders were humped a trifle, and his face was seamed by +weather-beat. + +For many years, according to his story, he had driven team for some +firm in (if I remember rightly) Lockport, New York. The firm had +ceased to prosper, and finally, in the hard times of 1893, had gone +out of business. He had been kept on to the last, though toward the +last his work had been very irregular. He went on and explained at +length his difficulties in getting work (when so many were out of +work) during the succeeding months. In the end, deciding that he would +find better opportunities for work on the Lakes, he had started for +Buffalo. Of course he was "broke," and there he was. That was all. + +"Thirty days," said his Honor, and called another hobo's name. + +Said hobo got up. "Vagrancy, your Honor," said the bailiff, and his +Honor said, "Thirty days." + +And so it went, fifteen seconds and thirty days to each hobo. The +machine of justice was grinding smoothly. Most likely, considering how +early it was in the morning, his Honor had not yet had his breakfast +and was in a hurry. + +But my American blood was up. Behind me were the many generations of +my American ancestry. One of the kinds of liberty those ancestors of +mine had fought and died for was the right of trial by jury. This was +my heritage, stained sacred by their blood, and it devolved upon me to +stand up for it. All right, I threatened to myself; just wait till he +gets to me. + +He got to me. My name, whatever it was, was called, and I stood up. +The bailiff said, "Vagrancy, your Honor," and I began to talk. But the +judge began talking at the same time, and he said, "Thirty days." I +started to protest, but at that moment his Honor was calling the name +of the next hobo on the list. His Honor paused long enough to say to +me, "Shut up!" The bailiff forced me to sit down. And the next moment +that next hobo had received thirty days and the succeeding hobo was +just in process of getting his. + +When we had all been disposed of, thirty days to each stiff, his +Honor, just as he was about to dismiss us, suddenly turned to the +teamster from Lockport--the one man he had allowed to talk. + +"Why did you quit your job?" his Honor asked. + +Now the teamster had already explained how his job had quit him, and +the question took him aback. + +"Your Honor," he began confusedly, "isn't that a funny question to +ask?" + +"Thirty days more for quitting your job," said his Honor, and the +court was closed. That was the outcome. The teamster got sixty days +all together, while the rest of us got thirty days. + +We were taken down below, locked up, and given breakfast. It was a +pretty good breakfast, as prison breakfasts go, and it was the best I +was to get for a month to come. + +As for me, I was dazed. Here was I, under sentence, after a farce of a +trial wherein I was denied not only my right of trial by jury, but my +right to plead guilty or not guilty. Another thing my fathers had +fought for flashed through my brain--habeas corpus. I'd show them. But +when I asked for a lawyer, I was laughed at. Habeas corpus was all +right, but of what good was it to me when I could communicate with no +one outside the jail? But I'd show them. They couldn't keep me in jail +forever. Just wait till I got out, that was all. I'd make them sit up. +I knew something about the law and my own rights, and I'd expose their +maladministration of justice. Visions of damage suits and sensational +newspaper headlines were dancing before my eyes when the jailers came +in and began hustling us out into the main office. + +A policeman snapped a handcuff on my right wrist. (Ah, ha, thought I, +a new indignity. Just wait till I get out.) On the left wrist of a +negro he snapped the other handcuff of that pair. He was a very tall +negro, well past six feet--so tall was he that when we stood side by +side his hand lifted mine up a trifle in the manacles. Also, he was +the happiest and the raggedest negro I have ever seen. + +We were all handcuffed similarly, in pairs. This accomplished, a +bright nickel-steel chain was brought forth, run down through the +links of all the handcuffs, and locked at front and rear of the +double-line. We were now a chain-gang. The command to march was given, +and out we went upon the street, guarded by two officers. The tall +negro and I had the place of honor. We led the procession. + +After the tomb-like gloom of the jail, the outside sunshine was +dazzling. I had never known it to be so sweet as now, a prisoner with +clanking chains, I knew that I was soon to see the last of it for +thirty days. Down through the streets of Niagara Falls we marched to +the railroad station, stared at by curious passers-by, and especially +by a group of tourists on the veranda of a hotel that we marched past. + +There was plenty of slack in the chain, and with much rattling and +clanking we sat down, two and two, in the seats of the smoking-car. +Afire with indignation as I was at the outrage that had been +perpetrated on me and my forefathers, I was nevertheless too +prosaically practical to lose my head over it. This was all new to me. +Thirty days of mystery were before me, and I looked about me to find +somebody who knew the ropes. For I had already learned that I was not +bound for a petty jail with a hundred or so prisoners in it, but for a +full-grown penitentiary with a couple of thousand prisoners in it, +doing anywhere from ten days to ten years. + +In the seat behind me, attached to the chain by his wrist, was a +squat, heavily-built, powerfully-muscled man. He was somewhere between +thirty-five and forty years of age. I sized him up. In the corners of +his eyes I saw humor and laughter and kindliness. As for the rest of +him, he was a brute-beast, wholly unmoral, and with all the passion +and turgid violence of the brute-beast. What saved him, what made him +possible for me, were those corners of his eyes--the humor and +laughter and kindliness of the beast when unaroused. + +He was my "meat." I "cottoned" to him. While my cuff-mate, the tall +negro, mourned with chucklings and laughter over some laundry he was +sure to lose through his arrest, and while the train rolled on toward +Buffalo, I talked with the man in the seat behind me. He had an empty +pipe. I filled it for him with my precious tobacco--enough in a single +filling to make a dozen cigarettes. Nay, the more we talked the surer +I was that he was my meat, and I divided all my tobacco with him. + +Now it happens that I am a fluid sort of an organism, with sufficient +kinship with life to fit myself in 'most anywhere. I laid myself out +to fit in with that man, though little did I dream to what +extraordinary good purpose I was succeeding. He had never been in the +particular penitentiary to which we were going, but he had done +"one-," "two-," and "five-spots" in various other penitentiaries (a +"spot" is a year), and he was filled with wisdom. We became pretty +chummy, and my heart bounded when he cautioned me to follow his lead. +He called me "Jack," and I called him "Jack." + +The train stopped at a station about five miles from Buffalo, and we, +the chain-gang, got off. I do not remember the name of this station, +but I am confident that it is some one of the following: Rocklyn, +Rockwood, Black Rock, Rockcastle, or Newcastle. But whatever the name +of the place, we were walked a short distance and then put on a +street-car. It was an old-fashioned car, with a seat, running the full +length, on each side. All the passengers who sat on one side were +asked to move over to the other side, and we, with a great clanking of +chain, took their places. We sat facing them, I remember, and I +remember, too, the awed expression on the faces of the women, who took +us, undoubtedly, for convicted murderers and bank-robbers. I tried to +look my fiercest, but that cuff-mate of mine, the too happy negro, +insisted on rolling his eyes, laughing, and reiterating, "O Lawdy! +Lawdy!" + +We left the car, walked some more, and were led into the office of the +Erie County Penitentiary. Here we were to register, and on that +register one or the other of my names will be found. Also, we were +informed that we must leave in the office all our valuables: money, +tobacco, matches, pocketknives, and so forth. + +My new pal shook his head at me. + +"If you do not leave your things here, they will be confiscated +inside," warned the official. + +Still my pal shook his head. He was busy with his hands, hiding his +movements behind the other fellows. (Our handcuffs had been removed.) +I watched him, and followed suit, wrapping up in a bundle in my +handkerchief all the things I wanted to take in. These bundles the two +of us thrust into our shirts. I noticed that our fellow-prisoners, +with the exception of one or two who had watches, did not turn over +their belongings to the man in the office. They were determined to +smuggle them in somehow, trusting to luck; but they were not so wise +as my pal, for they did not wrap their things in bundles. + +Our erstwhile guardians gathered up the handcuffs and chain and +departed for Niagara Falls, while we, under new guardians, were led +away into the prison. While we were in the office, our number had been +added to by other squads of newly arrived prisoners, so that we were +now a procession forty or fifty strong. + +Know, ye unimprisoned, that traffic is as restricted inside a large +prison as commerce was in the Middle Ages. Once inside a penitentiary, +one cannot move about at will. Every few steps are encountered great +steel doors or gates which are always kept locked. We were bound for +the barber-shop, but we encountered delays in the unlocking of doors +for us. We were thus delayed in the first "hall" we entered. A "hall" +is not a corridor. Imagine an oblong cube, built out of bricks and +rising six stories high, each story a row of cells, say fifty cells in +a row--in short, imagine a cube of colossal honeycomb. Place this cube +on the ground and enclose it in a building with a roof overhead and +walls all around. Such a cube and encompassing building constitute a +"hall" in the Erie County Penitentiary. Also, to complete the picture, +see a narrow gallery, with steel railing, running the full length of +each tier of cells and at the ends of the oblong cube see all these +galleries, from both sides, connected by a fire-escape system of +narrow steel stairways. + +We were halted in the first hall, waiting for some guard to unlock a +door. Here and there, moving about, were convicts, with close-cropped +heads and shaven faces, and garbed in prison stripes. One such convict +I noticed above us on the gallery of the third tier of cells. He was +standing on the gallery and leaning forward, his arms resting on the +railing, himself apparently oblivious of our presence. He seemed +staring into vacancy. My pal made a slight hissing noise. The convict +glanced down. Motioned signals passed between them. Then through the +air soared the handkerchief bundle of my pal. The convict caught it, +and like a flash it was out of sight in his shirt and he was staring +into vacancy. My pal had told me to follow his lead. I watched my +chance when the guard's back was turned, and my bundle followed the +other one into the shirt of the convict. + +A minute later the door was unlocked, and we filed into the +barber-shop. Here were more men in convict stripes. They were the +prison barbers. Also, there were bath-tubs, hot water, soap, and +scrubbing-brushes. We were ordered to strip and bathe, each man to +scrub his neighbor's back--a needless precaution, this compulsory +bath, for the prison swarmed with vermin. After the bath, we were each +given a canvas clothes-bag. + +"Put all your clothes in the bags," said the guard. "It's no good +trying to smuggle anything in. You've got to line up naked for +inspection. Men for thirty days or less keep their shoes and +suspenders. Men for more than thirty days keep nothing." + +This announcement was received with consternation. How could naked men +smuggle anything past an inspection? Only my pal and I were safe. But +it was right here that the convict barbers got in their work. They +passed among the poor newcomers, kindly volunteering to take charge of +their precious little belongings, and promising to return them later +in the day. Those barbers were philanthropists--to hear them talk. As +in the case of Fra Lippo Lippi, never was there such prompt +disemburdening. Matches, tobacco, rice-paper, pipes, knives, money, +everything, flowed into the capacious shirts of the barbers. They +fairly bulged with the spoil, and the guards made believe not to see. +To cut the story short, nothing was ever returned. The barbers never +had any intention of returning what they had taken. They considered it +legitimately theirs. It was the barber-shop graft. There were many +grafts in that prison, as I was to learn; and I, too, was destined to +become a grafter--thanks to my new pal. + +There were several chairs, and the barbers worked rapidly. The +quickest shaves and hair-cuts I have ever seen were given in that +shop. The men lathered themselves, and the barbers shaved them at the +rate of a minute to a man. A hair-cut took a trifle longer. In three +minutes the down of eighteen was scraped from my face, and my head was +as smooth as a billiard-ball just sprouting a crop of bristles. +Beards, mustaches, like our clothes and everything, came off. Take my +word for it, we were a villainous-looking gang when they got through +with us. I had not realized before how really altogether bad we were. + +Then came the line-up, forty or fifty of us, naked as Kipling's heroes +who stormed Lungtungpen. To search us was easy. There were only our +shoes and ourselves. Two or three rash spirits, who had doubted the +barbers, had the goods found on them--which goods, namely, tobacco, +pipes, matches, and small change, were quickly confiscated. This over, +our new clothes were brought to us--stout prison shirts, and coats and +trousers conspicuously striped. I had always lingered under the +impression that the convict stripes were put on a man only after he +had been convicted of a felony. I lingered no longer, but put on the +insignia of shame and got my first taste of marching the lock-step. + +In single file, close together, each man's hands on the shoulders of +the man in front, we marched on into another large hall. Here we were +ranged up against the wall in a long line and ordered to strip our +left arms. A youth, a medical student who was getting in his practice +on cattle such as we, came down the line. He vaccinated just about +four times as rapidly as the barbers shaved. With a final caution to +avoid rubbing our arms against anything, and to let the blood dry so +as to form the scab, we were led away to our cells. Here my pal and I +parted, but not before he had time to whisper to me, "Suck it out." + +As soon as I was locked in, I sucked my arm clean. And afterward I saw +men who had not sucked and who had horrible holes in their arms into +which I could have thrust my fist. It was their own fault. They could +have sucked. + +In my cell was another man. We were to be cell-mates. He was a young, +manly fellow, not talkative, but very capable, indeed as splendid a +fellow as one could meet with in a day's ride, and this in spite of +the fact that he had just recently finished a two-year term in some +Ohio penitentiary. + +Hardly had we been in our cell half an hour, when a convict sauntered +down the gallery and looked in. It was my pal. He had the freedom of +the hall, he explained. He was unlocked at six in the morning and not +locked up again till nine at night. He was in with the "push" in that +hall, and had been promptly appointed a trusty of the kind technically +known as "hall-man." The man who had appointed him was also a prisoner +and a trusty, and was known as "First Hall-man." There were thirteen +hall-men in that hall. Ten of them had charge each of a gallery of +cells, and over them were the First, Second, and Third Hall-men. + +We newcomers were to stay in our cells for the rest of the day, my pal +informed me, so that the vaccine would have a chance to take. Then +next morning we would be put to hard labor in the prison-yard. + +"But I'll get you out of the work as soon as I can," he promised. +"I'll get one of the hall-men fired and have you put in his place." + +He put his hand into his shirt, drew out the handkerchief containing +my precious belongings, passed it in to me through the bars, and went +on down the gallery. + +I opened the bundle. Everything was there. Not even a match was +missing. I shared the makings of a cigarette with my cell-mate. When I +started to strike a match for a light, he stopped me. A flimsy, dirty +comforter lay in each of our bunks for bedding. He tore off a narrow +strip of the thin cloth and rolled it tightly and telescopically into +a long and slender cylinder. This he lighted with a precious match. +The cylinder of tight-rolled cotton cloth did not flame. On the end a +coal of fire slowly smouldered. It would last for hours, and my +cell-mate called it a "punk." And when it burned short, all that was +necessary was to make a new punk, put the end of it against the old, +blow on them, and so transfer the glowing coal. Why, we could have +given Prometheus pointers on the conserving of fire. + +At twelve o'clock dinner was served. At the bottom of our cage door +was a small opening like the entrance of a runway in a chicken-yard. +Through this were thrust two hunks of dry bread and two pannikins of +"soup." A portion of soup consisted of about a quart of hot water with +floating on its surface a lonely drop of grease. Also, there was some +salt in that water. + +We drank the soup, but we did not eat the bread. Not that we were not +hungry, and not that the bread was uneatable. It was fairly good +bread. But we had reasons. My cell-mate had discovered that our cell +was alive with bed-bugs. In all the cracks and interstices between the +bricks where the mortar had fallen out flourished great colonies. The +natives even ventured out in the broad daylight and swarmed over the +walls and ceiling by hundreds. My cell-mate was wise in the ways of +the beasts. Like Childe Roland, dauntless the slug-horn to his lips he +bore. Never was there such a battle. It lasted for hours. It was +shambles. And when the last survivors fled to their brick-and-mortar +fastnesses, our work was only half done. We chewed mouthfuls of our +bread until it was reduced to the consistency of putty. When a fleeing +belligerent escaped into a crevice between the bricks, we promptly +walled him in with a daub of the chewed bread. We toiled on until the +light grew dim and until every hole, nook, and cranny was closed. I +shudder to think of the tragedies of starvation and cannibalism that +must have ensued behind those bread-plastered ramparts. + +We threw ourselves on our bunks, tired out and hungry, to wait for +supper. It was a good day's work well done. In the weeks to come we at +least should not suffer from the hosts of vermin. We had foregone our +dinner, saved our hides at the expense of our stomachs; but we were +content. Alas for the futility of human effort! Scarcely was our long +task completed when a guard unlocked our door. A redistribution of +prisoners was being made, and we were taken to another cell and locked +in two galleries higher up. + +Early next morning our cells were unlocked, and down in the hall the +several hundred prisoners of us formed the lock-step and marched out +into the prison-yard to go to work. The Erie Canal runs right by the +back yard of the Erie County Penitentiary. Our task was to unload +canal-boats, carrying huge stay-bolts on our shoulders, like railroad +ties, into the prison. As I worked I sized up the situation and +studied the chances for a get-away. There wasn't the ghost of a show. +Along the tops of the walls marched guards armed with repeating +rifles, and I was told, furthermore, that there were machine-guns in +the sentry-towers. + +I did not worry. Thirty days were not so long. I'd stay those thirty +days, and add to the store of material I intended to use, when I got +out, against the harpies of justice. I'd show what an American boy +could do when his rights and privileges had been trampled on the way +mine had. I had been denied my right of trial by jury; I had been +denied my right to plead guilty or not guilty; I had been denied a +trial even (for I couldn't consider that what I had received at +Niagara Falls was a trial); I had not been allowed to communicate with +a lawyer nor any one, and hence had been denied my right of suing for +a writ of habeas corpus; my face had been shaved, my hair cropped +close, convict stripes had been put upon my body; I was forced to toil +hard on a diet of bread and water and to march the shameful lock-step +with armed guards over me--and all for what? What had I done? What +crime had I committed against the good citizens of Niagara Falls that +all this vengeance should be wreaked upon me? I had not even violated +their "sleeping-out" ordinance. I had slept outside their +jurisdiction, in the country, that night. I had not even begged for a +meal, or battered for a "light piece" on their streets. All that I had +done was to walk along their sidewalk and gaze at their picayune +waterfall. And what crime was there in that? Technically I was guilty +of no misdemeanor. All right, I'd show them when I got out. + +The next day I talked with a guard. I wanted to send for a lawyer. The +guard laughed at me. So did the other guards. I really was +_incommunicado_ so far as the outside world was concerned. I tried to +write a letter out, but I learned that all letters were read, and +censured or confiscated, by the prison authorities, and that +"short-timers" were not allowed to write letters anyway. A little +later I tried smuggling letters out by men who were released, but I +learned that they were searched and the letters found and destroyed. +Never mind. It all helped to make it a blacker case when I did get +out. + +But as the prison days went by (which I shall describe in the next +chapter), I "learned a few." I heard tales of the police, and +police-courts, and lawyers, that were unbelievable and monstrous. Men, +prisoners, told me of personal experiences with the police of great +cities that were awful. And more awful were the hearsay tales they +told me concerning men who had died at the hands of the police and who +therefore could not testify for themselves. Years afterward, in the +report of the Lexow Committee, I was to read tales true and more awful +than those told to me. But in the meantime, during the first days of +my imprisonment, I scoffed at what I heard. + +As the days went by, however, I began to grow convinced. I saw with my +own eyes, there in that prison, things unbelievable and monstrous. And +the more convinced I became, the profounder grew the respect in me for +the sleuth-hounds of the law and for the whole institution of criminal +justice. + +My indignation ebbed away, and into my being rushed the tides of fear. +I saw at last, clear-eyed, what I was up against. I grew meek and +lowly. Each day I resolved more emphatically to make no rumpus when I +got out. All I asked, when I got out, was a chance to fade away from +the landscape. And that was just what I did do when I was released. I +kept my tongue between my teeth, walked softly, and sneaked for +Pennsylvania, a wiser and a humbler man. + + + + +THE PEN + + +For two days I toiled in the prison-yard. It was heavy work, and, in +spite of the fact that I malingered at every opportunity, I was played +out. This was because of the food. No man could work hard on such +food. Bread and water, that was all that was given us. Once a week we +were supposed to get meat; but this meat did not always go around, and +since all nutriment had first been boiled out of it in the making of +soup, it didn't matter whether one got a taste of it once a week or +not. + +Furthermore, there was one vital defect in the bread-and-water diet. +While we got plenty of water, we did not get enough of the bread. A +ration of bread was about the size of one's two fists, and three +rations a day were given to each prisoner. There was one good thing, I +must say, about the water--it was hot. In the morning it was called +"coffee," at noon it was dignified as "soup," and at night it +masqueraded as "tea." But it was the same old water all the time. The +prisoners called it "water bewitched." In the morning it was black +water, the color being due to boiling it with burnt bread-crusts. At +noon it was served minus the color, with salt and a drop of grease +added. At night it was served with a purplish-auburn hue that defied +all speculation; it was darn poor tea, but it was dandy hot water. + +We were a hungry lot in the Erie County Pen. Only the "long-timers" +knew what it was to have enough to eat. The reason for this was that +they would have died after a time on the fare we "short-timers" +received. I know that the long-timers got more substantial grub, +because there was a whole row of them on the ground floor in our hall, +and when I was a trusty, I used to steal from their grub while serving +them. Man cannot live on bread alone and not enough of it. + +My pal delivered the goods. After two days of work in the yard I was +taken out of my cell and made a trusty, a "hall-man." At morning and +night we served the bread to the prisoners in their cells; but at +twelve o'clock a different method was used. The convicts marched in +from work in a long line. As they entered the door of our hall, they +broke the lock-step and took their hands down from the shoulders of +their line-mates. Just inside the door were piled trays of bread, and +here also stood the First Hall-man and two ordinary hall-men. I was +one of the two. Our task was to hold the trays of bread as the line of +convicts filed past. As soon as the tray, say, that I was holding was +emptied, the other hall-man took my place with a full tray. And when +his was emptied, I took his place with a full tray. Thus the line +tramped steadily by, each man reaching with his right hand and taking +one ration of bread from the extended tray. + +The task of the First Hall-man was different. He used a club. He stood +beside the tray and watched. The hungry wretches could never get over +the delusion that sometime they could manage to get two rations of +bread out of the tray. But in my experience that sometime never came. +The club of the First Hall-man had a way of flashing out--quick as the +stroke of a tiger's claw--to the hand that dared ambitiously. The +First Hall-man was a good judge of distance, and he had smashed so +many hands with that club that he had become infallible. He never +missed, and he usually punished the offending convict by taking his +one ration away from him and sending him to his cell to make his meal +off of hot water. + +And at times, while all these men lay hungry in their cells, I have +seen a hundred or so extra rations of bread hidden away in the cells +of the hall-men. It would seem absurd, our retaining this bread. But +it was one of our grafts. We were economic masters inside our hall, +turning the trick in ways quite similar to the economic masters of +civilization. We controlled the food-supply of the population, and, +just like our brother bandits outside, we made the people pay through +the nose for it. We peddled the bread. Once a week, the men who worked +in the yard received a five-cent plug of chewing tobacco. This chewing +tobacco was the coin of the realm. Two or three rations of bread for a +plug was the way we exchanged, and they traded, not because they loved +tobacco less, but because they loved bread more. Oh, I know, it was +like taking candy from a baby, but what would you? We had to live. And +certainly there should be some reward for initiative and enterprise. +Besides, we but patterned ourselves after our betters outside the +walls, who, on a larger scale, and under the respectable disguise of +merchants, bankers, and captains of industry, did precisely what we +were doing. What awful things would have happened to those poor +wretches if it hadn't been for us, I can't imagine. Heaven knows we +put bread into circulation in the Erie County Pen. Ay, and we +encouraged frugality and thrift ... in the poor devils who forewent +their tobacco. And then there was our example. In the breast of every +convict there we implanted the ambition to become even as we and run a +graft. Saviours of society--I guess yes. + +Here was a hungry man without any tobacco. Maybe he was a profligate +and had used it all up on himself. Very good; he had a pair of +suspenders. I exchanged half a dozen rations of bread for it--or a +dozen rations if the suspenders were very good. Now I never wore +suspenders, but that didn't matter. Around the corner lodged a +long-timer, doing ten years for manslaughter. He wore suspenders, and +he wanted a pair. I could trade them to him for some of his meat. Meat +was what I wanted. Or perhaps he had a tattered, paper-covered novel. +That was treasure-trove. I could read it and then trade it off to the +bakers for cake, or to the cooks for meat and vegetables, or to the +firemen for decent coffee, or to some one or other for the newspaper +that occasionally filtered in, heaven alone knows how. The cooks, +bakers, and firemen were prisoners like myself, and they lodged in our +hall in the first row of cells over us. + +In short, a full-grown system of barter obtained in the Erie County +Pen. There was even money in circulation. This money was sometimes +smuggled in by the short-timers, more frequently came from the +barber-shop graft, where the newcomers were mulcted, but most of all +flowed from the cells of the long-timers--though how they got it I +don't know. + +What of his preeminent position, the First Hall-man was reputed to be +quite wealthy. In addition to his miscellaneous grafts, he grafted on +us. We farmed the general wretchedness, and the First Hall-man was +Farmer-General over all of us. We held our particular grafts by his +permission, and we had to pay for that permission. As I say, he was +reputed to be wealthy; but we never saw his money, and he lived in a +cell all to himself in solitary grandeur. + +But that money was made in the Pen I had direct evidence, for I was +cell-mate quite a time with the Third Hall-man. He had over sixteen +dollars. He used to count his money every night after nine o'clock, +when we were locked in. Also, he used to tell me each night what he +would do to me if I gave away on him to the other hall-men. You see, +he was afraid of being robbed, and danger threatened him from three +different directions. There were the guards. A couple of them might +jump upon him, give him a good beating for alleged insubordination, +and throw him into the "solitaire" (the dungeon); and in the mix-up +that sixteen dollars of his would take wings. Then again, the First +Hall-man could have taken it all away from him by threatening to +dismiss him and fire him back to hard labor in the prison-yard. And +yet again, there were the ten of us who were ordinary hall-men. If we +got an inkling of his wealth, there was a large liability, some quiet +day, of the whole bunch of us getting him into a corner and dragging +him down. Oh, we were wolves, believe me--just like the fellows who do +business in Wall Street. + +He had good reason to be afraid of us, and so had I to be afraid of +him. He was a huge, illiterate brute, an ex-Chesapeake-Bay-oyster-pirate, +an "ex-con" who had done five years in Sing Sing, and a general +all-around stupidly carnivorous beast. He used to trap sparrows that +flew into our hall through the open bars. When he made a capture, he +hurried away with it into his cell, where I have seen him crunching +bones and spitting out feathers as he bolted it raw. Oh, no, I never +gave away on him to the other hall-men. This is the first time I have +mentioned his sixteen dollars. + +But I grafted on him just the same. He was in love with a woman +prisoner who was confined in the "female department." He could neither +read nor write, and I used to read her letters to him and write his +replies. And I made him pay for it, too. But they were good letters. I +laid myself out on them, put in my best licks, and furthermore, I won +her for him; though I shrewdly guess that she was in love, not with +him, but with the humble scribe. I repeat, those letters were great. + +Another one of our grafts was "passing the punk." We were the +celestial messengers, the fire-bringers, in that iron world of bolt +and bar. When the men came in from work at night and were locked in +their cells, they wanted to smoke. Then it was that we restored the +divine spark, running the galleries, from cell to cell, with our +smouldering punks. Those who were wise, or with whom we did business, +had their punks all ready to light. Not every one got divine sparks, +however. The guy who refused to dig up, went sparkless and smokeless +to bed. But what did we care? We had the immortal cinch on him, and if +he got fresh, two or three of us would pitch on him and give him +"what-for." + +You see, this was the working-theory of the hall-men. There were +thirteen of us. We had something like half a thousand prisoners in our +hall. We were supposed to do the work, and to keep order. The latter +was the function of the guards, which they turned over to us. It was +up to us to keep order; if we didn't, we'd be fired back to hard +labor, most probably with a taste of the dungeon thrown in. But so +long as we maintained order, that long could we work our own +particular grafts. + +Bear with me a moment and look at the problem. Here were thirteen +beasts of us over half a thousand other beasts. It was a living hell, +that prison, and it was up to us thirteen there to rule. It was +impossible, considering the nature of the beasts, for us to rule by +kindness. We ruled by fear. Of course, behind us, backing us up, were +the guards. In extremity we called upon them for help; but it would +bother them if we called upon them too often, in which event we could +depend upon it that they would get more efficient trusties to take our +places. But we did not call upon them often, except in a quiet sort of +way, when we wanted a cell unlocked in order to get at a refractory +prisoner inside. In such cases all the guard did was to unlock the +door and walk away so as not to be a witness of what happened when +half a dozen hall-men went inside and did a bit of man-handling. + +As regards the details of this man-handling I shall say nothing. And +after all, man-handling was merely one of the very minor unprintable +horrors of the Erie County Pen. I say "unprintable"; and in justice I +must also say "unthinkable." They were unthinkable to me until I saw +them, and I was no spring chicken in the ways of the world and the +awful abysses of human degradation. It would take a deep plummet to +reach bottom in the Erie County Pen, and I do but skim lightly and +facetiously the surface of things as I there saw them. + +At times, say in the morning when the prisoners came down to wash, the +thirteen of us would be practically alone in the midst of them, and +every last one of them had it in for us. Thirteen against five +hundred, and we ruled by fear. We could not permit the slightest +infraction of rules, the slightest insolence. If we did, we were lost. +Our own rule was to hit a man as soon as he opened his mouth--hit him +hard, hit him with anything. A broom-handle, end-on, in the face, had +a very sobering effect. But that was not all. Such a man must be made +an example of; so the next rule was to wade right in and follow him +up. Of course, one was sure that every hall-man in sight would come on +the run to join in the chastisement; for this also was a rule. +Whenever any hall-man was in trouble with a prisoner, the duty of any +other hall-man who happened to be around was to lend a fist. Never +mind the merits of the case--wade in and hit, and hit with anything; +in short, lay the man out. + +I remember a handsome young mulatto of about twenty who got the insane +idea into his head that he should stand for his rights. And he did +have the right of it, too; but that didn't help him any. He lived on +the topmost gallery. Eight hall-men took the conceit out of him in +just about a minute and a half--for that was the length of time +required to travel along his gallery to the end and down five flights +of steel stairs. He travelled the whole distance on every portion of +his anatomy except his feet, and the eight hall-men were not idle. The +mulatto struck the pavement where I was standing watching it all. He +regained his feet and stood upright for a moment. In that moment he +threw his arms wide apart and omitted an awful scream of terror and +pain and heartbreak. At the same instant, as in a transformation +scene, the shreds of his stout prison clothes fell from him, leaving +him wholly naked and streaming blood from every portion of the surface +of his body. Then he collapsed in a heap, unconscious. He had learned +his lesson, and every convict within those walls who heard him scream +had learned a lesson. So had I learned mine. It is not a nice thing to +see a man's heart broken in a minute and a half. + +The following will illustrate how we drummed up business in the graft +of passing the punk. A row of newcomers is installed in your cells. +You pass along before the bars with your punk. "Hey, Bo, give us a +light," some one calls to you. Now this is an advertisement that that +particular man has tobacco on him. You pass in the punk and go your +way. A little later you come back and lean up casually against the +bars. "Say, Bo, can you let us have a little tobacco?" is what you +say. If he is not wise to the game, the chances are that he solemnly +avers that he hasn't any more tobacco. All very well. You condole with +him and go your way. But you know that his punk will last him only the +rest of that day. Next day you come by, and he says again, "Hey, Bo, +give us a light." And you say, "You haven't any tobacco and you don't +need a light." And you don't give him any, either. Half an hour after, +or an hour or two or three hours, you will be passing by and the man +will call out to you in mild tones, "Come here, Bo." And you come. You +thrust your hand between the bars and have it filled with precious +tobacco. Then you give him a light. + +Sometimes, however, a newcomer arrives, upon whom no grafts are to be +worked. The mysterious word is passed along that he is to be treated +decently. Where this word originated I could never learn. The one +thing patent is that the man has a "pull." It may be with one of the +superior hall-men; it may be with one of the guards in some other part +of the prison; it may be that good treatment has been purchased from +grafters higher up; but be it as it may, we know that it is up to us +to treat him decently if we want to avoid trouble. + +We hall-men were middle-men and common carriers. We arranged trades +between convicts confined in different parts of the prison, and we put +through the exchange. Also, we took our commissions coming and going. +Sometimes the objects traded had to go through the hands of half a +dozen middle-men, each of whom took his whack, or in some way or +another was paid for his service. + +Sometimes one was in debt for services, and sometimes one had others +in his debt. Thus, I entered the prison in debt to the convict who +smuggled in my things for me. A week or so afterward, one of the +firemen passed a letter into my hand. It had been given to him by a +barber. The barber had received it from the convict who had smuggled +in my things. Because of my debt to him I was to carry the letter on. +But he had not written the letter. The original sender was a +long-timer in his hall. The letter was for a woman prisoner in the +female department. But whether it was intended for her, or whether +she, in turn, was one of the chain of go-betweens, I did not know. All +that I knew was her description, and that it was up to me to get it +into her hands. + +Two days passed, during which time I kept the letter in my possession; +then the opportunity came. The women did the mending of all the +clothes worn by the convicts. A number of our hall-men had to go to +the female department to bring back huge bundles of clothes. I fixed +it with the First Hall-man that I was to go along. Door after door was +unlocked for us as we threaded our way across the prison to the +women's quarters. We entered a large room where the women sat working +at their mending. My eyes were peeled for the woman who had been +described to me. I located her and worked near to her. Two eagle-eyed +matrons were on watch. I held the letter in my palm, and I looked my +intention at the woman. She knew I had something for her; she must +have been expecting it, and had set herself to divining, at the moment +we entered, which of us was the messenger. But one of the matrons +stood within two feet of her. Already the hall-men were picking up the +bundles they were to carry away. The moment was passing. I delayed +with my bundle, making believe that it was not tied securely. Would +that matron ever look away? Or was I to fail? And just then another +woman cut up playfully with one of the hall-men--stuck out her foot +and tripped him, or pinched him, or did something or other. The matron +looked that way and reprimanded the woman sharply. Now I do not know +whether or not this was all planned to distract the matron's +attention, but I did know that it was my opportunity. My particular +woman's hand dropped from her lap down by her side. I stooped to pick +up my bundle. From my stooping position I slipped the letter into her +hand, and received another in exchange. The next moment the bundle +was on my shoulder, the matron's gaze had returned to me because I was +the last hall-man, and I was hastening to catch up with my companions. +The letter I had received from the woman I turned over to the fireman, +and thence it passed through the hands of the barber, of the convict +who had smuggled in my things, and on to the long-timer at the other +end. + +Often we conveyed letters, the chain of communication of which was so +complex that we knew neither sender nor sendee. We were but links in +the chain. Somewhere, somehow, a convict would thrust a letter into my +hand with the instruction to pass it on to the next link. All such +acts were favors to be reciprocated later on, when I should be acting +directly with a principal in transmitting letters, and from whom I +should be receiving my pay. The whole prison was covered by a network +of lines of communication. And we who were in control of the system of +communication, naturally, since we were modelled after capitalistic +society, exacted heavy tolls from our customers. It was service for +profit with a vengeance, though we were at times not above giving +service for love. + +And all the time I was in the Pen I was making myself solid with my +pal. He had done much for me, and in return he expected me to do as +much for him. When we got out, we were to travel together, and, it +goes without saying, pull off "jobs" together. For my pal was a +criminal--oh, not a jewel of the first water, merely a petty criminal +who would steal and rob, commit burglary, and, if cornered, not stop +short of murder. Many a quiet hour we sat and talked together. He had +two or three jobs in view for the immediate future, in which my work +was cut out for me, and in which I joined in planning the details. I +had been with and seen much of criminals, and my pal never dreamed +that I was only fooling him, giving him a string thirty days long. He +thought I was the real goods, liked me because I was not stupid, and +liked me a bit, too, I think, for myself. Of course I had not the +slightest intention of joining him in a life of sordid, petty crime; +but I'd have been an idiot to throw away all the good things his +friendship made possible. When one is on the hot lava of hell, he +cannot pick and choose his path, and so it was with me in the Erie +County Pen. I had to stay in with the "push," or do hard labor on +bread and water; and to stay in with the push I had to make good with +my pal. + +Life was not monotonous in the Pen. Every day something was happening: +men were having fits, going crazy, fighting, or the hall-men were +getting drunk. Rover Jack, one of the ordinary hall-men, was our star +"oryide." He was a true "profesh," a "blowed-in-the-glass" stiff, and +as such received all kinds of latitude from the hall-men in authority. +Pittsburg Joe, who was Second Hall-man, used to join Rover Jack in his +jags; and it was a saying of the pair that the Erie County Pen was the +only place where a man could get "slopped" and not be arrested. I +never knew, but I was told that bromide of potassium, gained in +devious ways from the dispensary, was the dope they used. But I do +know, whatever their dope was, that they got good and drunk on +occasion. + +Our hall was a common stews, filled with the ruck and the filth, the +scum and dregs, of society--hereditary inefficients, degenerates, +wrecks, lunatics, addled intelligences, epileptics, monsters, +weaklings, in short, a very nightmare of humanity. Hence, fits +flourished with us. These fits seemed contagious. When one man began +throwing a fit, others followed his lead. I have seen seven men down +with fits at the same time, making the air hideous with their cries, +while as many more lunatics would be raging and gibbering up and down. +Nothing was ever done for the men with fits except to throw cold water +on them. It was useless to send for the medical student or the doctor. +They were not to be bothered with such trivial and frequent +occurrences. + +There was a young Dutch boy, about eighteen years of age, who had fits +most frequently of all. He usually threw one every day. It was for +that reason that we kept him on the ground floor farther down in the +row of cells in which we lodged. After he had had a few fits in the +prison-yard, the guards refused to be bothered with him any more, and +so he remained locked up in his cell all day with a Cockney cell-mate, +to keep him company. Not that the Cockney was of any use. Whenever the +Dutch boy had a fit, the Cockney became paralyzed with terror. + +The Dutch boy could not speak a word of English. He was a farmer's +boy, serving ninety days as punishment for having got into a scrap +with some one. He prefaced his fits with howling. He howled like a +wolf. Also, he took his fits standing up, which was very inconvenient +for him, for his fits always culminated in a headlong pitch to the +floor. Whenever I heard the long wolf-howl rising, I used to grab a +broom and run to his cell. Now the trusties were not allowed keys to +the cells, so I could not get in to him. He would stand up in the +middle of his narrow cell, shivering convulsively, his eyes rolled +backward till only the whites were visible, and howling like a lost +soul. Try as I would, I could never get the Cockney to lend him a +hand. While he stood and howled, the Cockney crouched and trembled in +the upper bunk, his terror-stricken gaze fixed on that awful figure, +with eyes rolled back, that howled and howled. It was hard on him, +too, the poor devil of a Cockney. His own reason was not any too +firmly seated, and the wonder is that he did not go mad. + +All that I could do was my best with the broom. I would thrust it +through the bars, train it on Dutchy's chest, and wait. As the crisis +approached he would begin swaying back and forth. I followed this +swaying with the broom, for there was no telling when he would take +that dreadful forward pitch. But when he did, I was there with the +broom, catching him and easing him down. Contrive as I would, he never +came down quite gently, and his face was usually bruised by the stone +floor. Once down and writhing in convulsions, I'd throw a bucket of +water over him. I don't know whether cold water was the right thing or +not, but it was the custom in the Erie County Pen. Nothing more than +that was ever done for him. He would lie there, wet, for an hour or +so, and then crawl into his bunk. I knew better than to run to a guard +for assistance. What was a man with a fit, anyway? + +In the adjoining cell lived a strange character--a man who was doing +sixty days for eating swill out of Barnum's swill-barrel, or at least +that was the way he put it. He was a badly addled creature, and, at +first, very mild and gentle. The facts of his case were as he had +stated them. He had strayed out to the circus ground, and, being +hungry, had made his way to the barrel that contained the refuse from +the table of the circus people. "And it was good bread," he often +assured me; "and the meat was out of sight." A policeman had seen him +and arrested him, and there he was. + +Once I passed his cell with a piece of stiff thin wire in my hand. He +asked me for it so earnestly that I passed it through the bars to him. +Promptly, and with no tool but his fingers, he broke it into short +lengths and twisted them into half a dozen very creditable safety +pins. He sharpened the points on the stone floor. Thereafter I did +quite a trade in safety pins. I furnished the raw material and peddled +the finished product, and he did the work. As wages, I paid him extra +rations of bread, and once in a while a chunk of meat or a piece of +soup-bone with some marrow inside. + +But his imprisonment told on him, and he grew violent day by day. The +hall-men took delight in teasing him. They filled his weak brain with +stories of a great fortune that had been left him. It was in order to +rob him of it that he had been arrested and sent to jail. Of course, +as he himself knew, there was no law against eating out of a barrel. +Therefore he was wrongly imprisoned. It was a plot to deprive him of +his fortune. + +The first I knew of it, I heard the hall-men laughing about the string +they had given him. Next he held a serious conference with me, in +which he told me of his millions and the plot to deprive him of them, +and in which he appointed me his detective. I did my best to let him +down gently, speaking vaguely of a mistake, and that it was another +man with a similar name who was the rightful heir. I left him quite +cooled down; but I couldn't keep the hall-men away from him, and they +continued to string him worse than ever. In the end, after a most +violent scene, he threw me down, revoked my private detectiveship, and +went on strike. My trade in safety pins ceased. He refused to make any +more safety pins, and he peppered me with raw material through the +bars of his cell when I passed by. + +I could never make it up with him. The other hall-men told him that I +was a detective in the employ of the conspirators. And in the meantime +the hall-men drove him mad with their stringing. His fictitious wrongs +preyed upon his mind, and at last he became a dangerous and homicidal +lunatic. The guards refused to listen to his tale of stolen millions, +and he accused them of being in the plot. One day he threw a pannikin +of hot tea over one of them, and then his case was investigated. The +warden talked with him a few minutes through the bars of his cell. +Then he was taken away for examination before the doctors. He never +came back, and I often wonder if he is dead, or if he still gibbers +about his millions in some asylum for the insane. + +At last came the day of days, my release. It was the day of release +for the Third Hall-man as well, and the short-timer girl I had won for +him was waiting for him outside the wall. They went away blissfully +together. My pal and I went out together, and together we walked down +into Buffalo. Were we not to be together always? We begged together on +the "main-drag" that day for pennies, and what we received was spent +for "shupers" of beer--I don't know how they are spelled, but they are +pronounced the way I have spelled them, and they cost three cents. I +was watching my chance all the time for a get-away. From some bo on +the drag I managed to learn what time a certain freight pulled out. I +calculated my time accordingly. When the moment came, my pal and I +were in a saloon. Two foaming shupers were before us. I'd have liked +to say good-by. He had been good to me. But I did not dare. I went out +through the rear of the saloon and jumped the fence. It was a swift +sneak, and a few minutes later I was on board a freight and heading +south on the Western New York and Pennsylvania Railroad. + + + + +HOBOES THAT PASS IN THE NIGHT + + +In the course of my tramping I encountered hundreds of hoboes, whom I +hailed or who hailed me, and with whom I waited at water-tanks, +"boiled-up," cooked "mulligans," "battered" the "drag" or "privates," +and beat trains, and who passed and were seen never again. On the +other hand, there were hoboes who passed and repassed with amazing +frequency, and others, still, who passed like ghosts, close at hand, +unseen, and never seen. + +It was one of the latter that I chased clear across Canada over three +thousand miles of railroad, and never once did I lay eyes on him. His +"monica" was Skysail Jack. I first ran into it at Montreal. Carved +with a jack-knife was the skysail-yard of a ship. It was perfectly +executed. Under it was "Skysail Jack." Above was "B.W. 9-15-94." This +latter conveyed the information that he had passed through Montreal +bound west, on October 15, 1894. He had one day the start of me. +"Sailor Jack" was my monica at that particular time, and promptly I +carved it alongside of his, along with the date and the information +that I, too, was bound west. + +I had misfortune in getting over the next hundred miles, and eight +days later I picked up Skysail Jack's trail three hundred miles west +of Ottawa. There it was, carved on a water-tank, and by the date I saw +that he likewise had met with delay. He was only two days ahead of me. +I was a "comet" and "tramp-royal," so was Skysail Jack; and it was up +to my pride and reputation to catch up with him. I "railroaded" day +and night, and I passed him; then turn about he passed me. Sometimes +he was a day or so ahead, and sometimes I was. From hoboes, bound +east, I got word of him occasionally, when he happened to be ahead; +and from them I learned that he had become interested in Sailor Jack +and was making inquiries about me. + +We'd have made a precious pair, I am sure, if we'd ever got together; +but get together we couldn't. I kept ahead of him clear across +Manitoba, but he led the way across Alberta, and early one bitter gray +morning, at the end of a division just east of Kicking Horse Pass, I +learned that he had been seen the night before between Kicking Horse +Pass and Rogers' Pass. It was rather curious the way the information +came to me. I had been riding all night in a "side-door Pullman" +(box-car), and nearly dead with cold had crawled out at the division +to beg for food. A freezing fog was drifting past, and I "hit" some +firemen I found in the round-house. They fixed me up with the leavings +from their lunch-pails, and in addition I got out of them nearly a +quart of heavenly "Java" (coffee). I heated the latter, and, as I sat +down to eat, a freight pulled in from the west. I saw a side-door open +and a road-kid climb out. Through the drifting fog he limped over to +me. He was stiff with cold, his lips blue. I shared my Java and grub +with him, learned about Skysail Jack, and then learned about him. +Behold, he was from my own town, Oakland, California, and he was a +member of the celebrated Boo Gang--a gang with which I had affiliated +at rare intervals. We talked fast and bolted the grub in the half-hour +that followed. Then my freight pulled out, and I was on it, bound west +on the trail of Skysail Jack. + +I was delayed between the passes, went two days without food, and +walked eleven miles on the third day before I got any, and yet I +succeeded in passing Skysail Jack along the Fraser River in British +Columbia. I was riding "passengers" then and making time; but he must +have been riding passengers, too, and with more luck or skill than I, +for he got into Mission ahead of me. + +Now Mission was a junction, forty miles east of Vancouver. From the +junction one could proceed south through Washington and Oregon over +the Northern Pacific. I wondered which way Skysail Jack would go, for +I thought I was ahead of him. As for myself I was still bound west to +Vancouver. I proceeded to the water-tank to leave that information, +and there, freshly carved, with that day's date upon it, was Skysail +Jack's monica. I hurried on into Vancouver. But he was gone. He had +taken ship immediately and was still flying west on his +world-adventure. Truly, Skysail Jack, you were a tramp-royal, and your +mate was the "wind that tramps the world." I take off my hat to you. +You were "blowed-in-the-glass" all right. A week later I, too, got my +ship, and on board the steamship Umatilla, in the forecastle, was +working my way down the coast to San Francisco. Skysail Jack and +Sailor Jack--gee! if we'd ever got together. + +Water-tanks are tramp directories. Not all in idle wantonness do +tramps carve their monicas, dates, and courses. Often and often have I +met hoboes earnestly inquiring if I had seen anywhere such and such a +"stiff" or his monica. And more than once I have been able to give the +monica of recent date, the water-tank, and the direction in which he +was then bound. And promptly the hobo to whom I gave the information +lit out after his pal. I have met hoboes who, in trying to catch a +pal, had pursued clear across the continent and back again, and were +still going. + +"Monicas" are the nom-de-rails that hoboes assume or accept when +thrust upon them by their fellows. Leary Joe, for instance, was timid, +and was so named by his fellows. No self-respecting hobo would select +Stew Bum for himself. Very few tramps care to remember their pasts +during which they ignobly worked, so monicas based upon trades are +very rare, though I remember having met the following: Moulder +Blackey, Painter Red, Chi Plumber, Boiler-Maker, Sailor Boy, and +Printer Bo. "Chi" (pronounced shy), by the way, is the argot for +"Chicago." + +A favorite device of hoboes is to base their monicas on the localities +from which they hail, as: New York Tommy, Pacific Slim, Buffalo +Smithy, Canton Tim, Pittsburg Jack, Syracuse Shine, Troy Mickey, K.L. +Bill, and Connecticut Jimmy. Then there was "Slim Jim from Vinegar +Hill, who never worked and never will." A "shine" is always a negro, +so called, possibly, from the high lights on his countenance. Texas +Shine or Toledo Shine convey both race and nativity. + +Among those that incorporated their race, I recollect the following: +Frisco Sheeny, New York Irish, Michigan French, English Jack, Cockney +Kid, and Milwaukee Dutch. Others seem to take their monicas in part +from the color-schemes stamped upon them at birth, such as: Chi +Whitey, New Jersey Red, Boston Blackey, Seattle Browney, and Yellow +Dick and Yellow Belly--the last a Creole from Mississippi, who, I +suspect, had his monica thrust upon him. + +Texas Royal, Happy Joe, Bust Connors, Burley Bo, Tornado Blackey, and +Touch McCall used more imagination in rechristening themselves. +Others, with less fancy, carry the names of their physical +peculiarities, such as: Vancouver Slim, Detroit Shorty, Ohio Fatty, +Long Jack, Big Jim, Little Joe, New York Blink, Chi Nosey, and +Broken-backed Ben. + +By themselves come the road-kids, sporting an infinite variety of +monicas. For example, the following, whom here and there I have +encountered: Buck Kid, Blind Kid, Midget Kid, Holy Kid, Bat Kid, Swift +Kid, Cookey Kid, Monkey Kid, Iowa Kid, Corduroy Kid, Orator Kid (who +could tell how it happened), and Lippy Kid (who was insolent, depend +upon it). + +On the water-tank at San Marcial, New Mexico, a dozen years ago, was +the following hobo bill of fare:-- + + (1) Main-drag fair. + (2) Bulls not hostile. + (3) Round-house good for kipping. + (4) North-bound trains no good. + (5) Privates no good. + (6) Restaurants good for cooks only. + (7) Railroad House good for night-work only. + +Number one conveys the information that begging for money on the main +street is fair; number two, that the police will not bother hoboes; +number three, that one can sleep in the round-house. Number four, +however, is ambiguous. The north-bound trains may be no good to beat, +and they may be no good to beg. Number five means that the residences +are not good to beggars, and number six means that only hoboes that +have been cooks can get grub from the restaurants. Number seven +bothers me. I cannot make out whether the Railroad House is a good +place for any hobo to beg at night, or whether it is good only for +hobo-cooks to beg at night, or whether any hobo, cook or non-cook, can +lend a hand at night, helping the cooks of the Railroad House with +their dirty work and getting something to eat in payment. + +But to return to the hoboes that pass in the night. I remember one I +met in California. He was a Swede, but he had lived so long in the +United States that one couldn't guess his nationality. He had to tell +it on himself. In fact, he had come to the United States when no more +than a baby. I ran into him first at the mountain town of Truckee. +"Which way, Bo?" was our greeting, and "Bound east" was the answer +each of us gave. Quite a bunch of "stiffs" tried to ride out the +overland that night, and I lost the Swede in the shuffle. Also, I lost +the overland. + +I arrived in Reno, Nevada, in a box-car that was promptly +side-tracked. It was a Sunday morning, and after I threw my feet for +breakfast, I wandered over to the Piute camp to watch the Indians +gambling. And there stood the Swede, hugely interested. Of course we +got together. He was the only acquaintance I had in that region, and I +was his only acquaintance. We rushed together like a couple of +dissatisfied hermits, and together we spent the day, threw our feet +for dinner, and late in the afternoon tried to "nail" the same +freight. But he was ditched, and I rode her out alone, to be ditched +myself in the desert twenty miles beyond. + +Of all desolate places, the one at which I was ditched was the limit. +It was called a flag-station, and it consisted of a shanty dumped +inconsequentially into the sand and sagebrush. A chill wind was +blowing, night was coming on, and the solitary telegraph operator who +lived in the shanty was afraid of me. I knew that neither grub nor bed +could I get out of him. It was because of his manifest fear of me that +I did not believe him when he told me that east-bound trains never +stopped there. Besides, hadn't I been thrown off of an east-bound +train right at that very spot not five minutes before? He assured me +that it had stopped under orders, and that a year might go by before +another was stopped under orders. He advised me that it was only a +dozen or fifteen miles on to Wadsworth and that I'd better hike. I +elected to wait, however, and I had the pleasure of seeing two +west-bound freights go by without stopping, and one east-bound +freight. I wondered if the Swede was on the latter. It was up to me to +hit the ties to Wadsworth, and hit them I did, much to the telegraph +operator's relief, for I neglected to burn his shanty and murder him. +Telegraph operators have much to be thankful for. At the end of half a +dozen miles, I had to get off the ties and let the east-bound overland +go by. She was going fast, but I caught sight of a dim form on the +first "blind" that looked like the Swede. + +That was the last I saw of him for weary days. I hit the high places +across those hundreds of miles of Nevada desert, riding the overlands +at night, for speed, and in the day-time riding in box-cars and +getting my sleep. It was early in the year, and it was cold in those +upland pastures. Snow lay here and there on the level, all the +mountains were shrouded in white, and at night the most miserable wind +imaginable blew off from them. It was not a land in which to linger. +And remember, gentle reader, the hobo goes through such a land, +without shelter, without money, begging his way and sleeping at night +without blankets. This last is something that can be realized only by +experience. + +In the early evening I came down to the depot at Ogden. The overland +of the Union Pacific was pulling east, and I was bent on making +connections. Out in the tangle of tracks ahead of the engine I +encountered a figure slouching through the gloom. It was the Swede. We +shook hands like long-lost brothers, and discovered that our hands +were gloved. "Where'd ye glahm 'em?" I asked. "Out of an engine-cab," +he answered; "and where did you?" "They belonged to a fireman," said +I; "he was careless." + +We caught the blind as the overland pulled out, and mighty cold we +found it. The way led up a narrow gorge between snow-covered +mountains, and we shivered and shook and exchanged confidences about +how we had covered the ground between Reno and Ogden. I had closed my +eyes for only an hour or so the previous night, and the blind was not +comfortable enough to suit me for a snooze. At a stop, I went forward +to the engine. We had on a "double-header" (two engines) to take us +over the grade. + +The pilot of the head engine, because it "punched the wind," I knew +would be too cold; so I selected the pilot of the second engine, which +was sheltered by the first engine. I stepped on the cowcatcher and +found the pilot occupied. In the darkness I felt out the form of a +young boy. He was sound asleep. By squeezing, there was room for two +on the pilot, and I made the boy budge over and crawled up beside him. +It was a "good" night; the "shacks" (brakemen) didn't bother us, and +in no time we were asleep. Once in a while hot cinders or heavy jolts +aroused me, when I snuggled closer to the boy and dozed off to the +coughing of the engines and the screeching of the wheels. + +The overland made Evanston, Wyoming, and went no farther. A wreck +ahead blocked the line. The dead engineer had been brought in, and his +body attested the peril of the way. A tramp, also, had been killed, +but his body had not been brought in. I talked with the boy. He was +thirteen years old. He had run away from his folks in some place in +Oregon, and was heading east to his grandmother. He had a tale of +cruel treatment in the home he had left that rang true; besides, there +was no need for him to lie to me, a nameless hobo on the track. + +And that boy was going some, too. He couldn't cover the ground fast +enough. When the division superintendents decided to send the overland +back over the way it had come, then up on a cross "jerk" to the Oregon +Short Line, and back along that road to tap the Union Pacific the +other side of the wreck, that boy climbed upon the pilot and said he +was going to stay with it. This was too much for the Swede and me. It +meant travelling the rest of that frigid night in order to gain no +more than a dozen miles or so. We said we'd wait till the wreck was +cleared away, and in the meantime get a good sleep. + +Now it is no snap to strike a strange town, broke, at midnight, in +cold weather, and find a place to sleep. The Swede hadn't a penny. My +total assets consisted of two dimes and a nickel. From some of the +town boys we learned that beer was five cents, and that the saloons +kept open all night. There was our meat. Two glasses of beer would +cost ten cents, there would be a stove and chairs, and we could sleep +it out till morning. We headed for the lights of a saloon, walking +briskly, the snow crunching under our feet, a chill little wind +blowing through us. + +Alas, I had misunderstood the town boys. Beer was five cents in one +saloon only in the whole burg, and we didn't strike that saloon. But +the one we entered was all right. A blessed stove was roaring +white-hot; there were cosey, cane-bottomed arm-chairs, and a +none-too-pleasant-looking barkeeper who glared suspiciously at us as +we came in. A man cannot spend continuous days and nights in his +clothes, beating trains, fighting soot and cinders, and sleeping +anywhere, and maintain a good "front." Our fronts were decidedly +against us; but what did we care? I had the price in my jeans. + +"Two beers," said I nonchalantly to the barkeeper, and while he drew +them, the Swede and I leaned against the bar and yearned secretly for +the arm-chairs by the stove. + +The barkeeper set the two foaming glasses before us, and with pride I +deposited the ten cents. Now I was dead game. As soon as I learned my +error in the price I'd have dug up another ten cents. Never mind if it +did leave me only a nickel to my name, a stranger in a strange land. +I'd have paid it all right. But that barkeeper never gave me a chance. +As soon as his eyes spotted the dime I had laid down, he seized the +two glasses, one in each hand, and dumped the beer into the sink +behind the bar. At the same time, glaring at us malevolently, he +said:-- + +"You've got scabs on your nose. You've got scabs on your nose. You've +got scabs on your nose. See!" + +I hadn't either, and neither had the Swede. Our noses were all right. +The direct bearing of his words was beyond our comprehension, but the +indirect bearing was clear as print: he didn't like our looks, and +beer was evidently ten cents a glass. + +I dug down and laid another dime on the bar, remarking carelessly, +"Oh, I thought this was a five-cent joint." + +"Your money's no good here," he answered, shoving the two dimes across +the bar to me. + +Sadly I dropped them back into my pocket, sadly we yearned toward the +blessed stove and the arm-chairs, and sadly we went out the door into +the frosty night. + +But as we went out the door, the barkeeper, still glaring, called +after us, "You've got scabs on your nose, see!" + +I have seen much of the world since then, journeyed among strange +lands and peoples, opened many books, sat in many lecture-halls; but +to this day, though I have pondered long and deep, I have been unable +to divine the meaning in the cryptic utterance of that barkeeper in +Evanston, Wyoming. Our noses _were_ all right. + +We slept that night over the boilers in an electric-lighting plant. +How we discovered that "kipping" place I can't remember. We must have +just headed for it, instinctively, as horses head for water or +carrier-pigeons head for the home-cote. But it was a night not +pleasant to remember. A dozen hoboes were ahead of us on top the +boilers, and it was too hot for all of us. To complete our misery, the +engineer would not let us stand around down below. He gave us our +choice of the boilers or the outside snow. + +"You said you wanted to sleep, and so, damn you, sleep," said he to +me, when, frantic and beaten out by the heat, I came down into the +fire-room. + +"Water," I gasped, wiping the sweat from my eyes, "water." + +He pointed out of doors and assured me that down there somewhere in +the blackness I'd find the river. I started for the river, got lost in +the dark, fell into two or three drifts, gave it up, and returned +half-frozen to the top of the boilers. When I had thawed out, I was +thirstier than ever. Around me the hoboes were moaning, groaning, +sobbing, sighing, gasping, panting, rolling and tossing and +floundering heavily in their torment. We were so many lost souls +toasting on a griddle in hell, and the engineer, Satan Incarnate, gave +us the sole alternative of freezing in the outer cold. The Swede sat +up and anathematized passionately the wanderlust in man that sent him +tramping and suffering hardships such as that. + +"When I get back to Chicago," he perorated, "I'm going to get a job +and stick to it till hell freezes over. Then I'll go tramping again." + +And, such is the irony of fate, next day, when the wreck ahead was +cleared, the Swede and I pulled out of Evanston in the ice-boxes of an +"orange special," a fast freight laden with fruit from sunny +California. Of course, the ice-boxes were empty on account of the cold +weather, but that didn't make them any warmer for us. We entered them +through hatchways in the top of the car; the boxes were constructed of +galvanized iron, and in that biting weather were not pleasant to the +touch. We lay there, shivered and shook, and with chattering teeth +held a council wherein we decided that we'd stay by the ice-boxes day +and night till we got out of the inhospitable plateau region and down +into the Mississippi Valley. + +But we must eat, and we decided that at the next division we would +throw our feet for grub and make a rush back to our ice-boxes. We +arrived in the town of Green River late in the afternoon, but too +early for supper. Before meal-time is the worst time for "battering" +back-doors; but we put on our nerve, swung off the side-ladders as the +freight pulled into the yards, and made a run for the houses. We were +quickly separated; but we had agreed to meet in the ice-boxes. I had +bad luck at first; but in the end, with a couple of "hand-outs" poked +into my shirt, I chased for the train. It was pulling out and going +fast. The particular refrigerator-car in which we were to meet had +already gone by, and half a dozen cars down the train from it I swung +on to the side-ladders, went up on top hurriedly, and dropped down +into an ice-box. + +But a shack had seen me from the caboose, and at the next stop a few +miles farther on, Rock Springs, the shack stuck his head into my box +and said: "Hit the grit, you son of a toad! Hit the grit!" Also he +grabbed me by the heels and dragged me out. I hit the grit all right, +and the orange special and the Swede rolled on without me. + +Snow was beginning to fall. A cold night was coming on. After dark I +hunted around in the railroad yards until I found an empty +refrigerator car. In I climbed--not into the ice-boxes, but into the +car itself. I swung the heavy doors shut, and their edges, covered +with strips of rubber, sealed the car air-tight. The walls were thick. +There was no way for the outside cold to get in. But the inside was +just as cold as the outside. How to raise the temperature was the +problem. But trust a "profesh" for that. Out of my pockets I dug up +three or four newspapers. These I burned, one at a time, on the floor +of the car. The smoke rose to the top. Not a bit of the heat could +escape, and, comfortable and warm, I passed a beautiful night. I +didn't wake up once. + +In the morning it was still snowing. While throwing my feet for +breakfast, I missed an east-bound freight. Later in the day I nailed +two other freights and was ditched from both of them. All afternoon no +east-bound trains went by. The snow was falling thicker than ever, but +at twilight I rode out on the first blind of the overland. As I swung +aboard the blind from one side, somebody swung aboard from the other. +It was the boy who had run away from Oregon. + +Now the first blind of a fast train in a driving snow-storm is no +summer picnic. The wind goes right through one, strikes the front of +the car, and comes back again. At the first stop, darkness having come +on, I went forward and interviewed the fireman. I offered to "shove" +coal to the end of his run, which was Rawlins, and my offer was +accepted. My work was out on the tender, in the snow, breaking the +lumps of coal with a sledge and shovelling it forward to him in the +cab. But as I did not have to work all the time, I could come into the +cab and warm up now and again. + +"Say," I said to the fireman, at my first breathing spell, "there's a +little kid back there on the first blind. He's pretty cold." + +The cabs on the Union Pacific engines are quite spacious, and we +fitted the kid into a warm nook in front of the high seat of the +fireman, where the kid promptly fell asleep. We arrived at Rawlins at +midnight. The snow was thicker than ever. Here the engine was to go +into the round-house, being replaced by a fresh engine. As the train +came to a stop, I dropped off the engine steps plump into the arms of +a large man in a large overcoat. He began asking me questions, and I +promptly demanded who he was. Just as promptly he informed me that he +was the sheriff. I drew in my horns and listened and answered. + +He began describing the kid who was still asleep in the cab. I did +some quick thinking. Evidently the family was on the trail of the kid, +and the sheriff had received telegraphed instructions from Oregon. +Yes, I had seen the kid. I had met him first in Ogden. The date +tallied with the sheriff's information. But the kid was still behind +somewhere, I explained, for he had been ditched from that very +overland that night when it pulled out of Rock Springs. And all the +time I was praying that the kid wouldn't wake up, come down out of the +cab, and put the "kibosh" on me. + +The sheriff left me in order to interview the shacks, but before he +left he said:-- + +"Bo, this town is no place for you. Understand? You ride this train +out, and make no mistake about it. If I catch you after it's gone ..." + +I assured him that it was not through desire that I was in his town; +that the only reason I was there was that the train had stopped there; +and that he wouldn't see me for smoke the way I'd get out of his darn +town. + +While he went to interview the shacks, I jumped back into the cab. The +kid was awake and rubbing his eyes. I told him the news and advised +him to ride the engine into the round-house. To cut the story short, +the kid made the same overland out, riding the pilot, with +instructions to make an appeal to the fireman at the first stop for +permission to ride in the engine. As for myself, I got ditched. The +new fireman was young and not yet lax enough to break the rules of the +Company against having tramps in the engine; so he turned down my +offer to shove coal. I hope the kid succeeded with him, for all night +on the pilot in that blizzard would have meant death. + +Strange to say, I do not at this late day remember a detail of how I +was ditched at Rawlins. I remember watching the train as it was +immediately swallowed up in the snow-storm, and of heading for a +saloon to warm up. Here was light and warmth. Everything was in full +blast and wide open. Faro, roulette, craps, and poker tables were +running, and some mad cow-punchers were making the night merry. I had +just succeeded in fraternizing with them and was downing my first +drink at their expense, when a heavy hand descended on my shoulder. I +looked around and sighed. It was the sheriff. + +Without a word he led me out into the snow. + +"There's an orange special down there in the yards," said he. + +"It's a damn cold night," said I. + +"It pulls out in ten minutes," said he. + +That was all. There was no discussion. And when that orange special +pulled out, I was in the ice-boxes. I thought my feet would freeze +before morning, and the last twenty miles into Laramie I stood upright +in the hatchway and danced up and down. The snow was too thick for the +shacks to see me, and I didn't care if they did. + +My quarter of a dollar bought me a hot breakfast at Laramie, and +immediately afterward I was on board the blind baggage of an overland +that was climbing to the pass through the backbone of the Rockies. One +does not ride blind baggages in the daytime; but in this blizzard at +the top of the Rocky Mountains I doubted if the shacks would have the +heart to put me off. And they didn't. They made a practice of coming +forward at every stop to see if I was frozen yet. + +At Ames' Monument, at the summit of the Rockies,--I forget the +altitude,--the shack came forward for the last time. + +"Say, Bo," he said, "you see that freight side-tracked over there to +let us go by?" + +I saw. It was on the next track, six feet away. A few feet more in +that storm and I could not have seen it. + +"Well, the 'after-push' of Kelly's Army is in one of them cars. +They've got two feet of straw under them, and there's so many of them +that they keep the car warm." + +His advice was good, and I followed it, prepared, however, if it was a +"con game" the shack had given me, to take the blind as the overland +pulled out. But it was straight goods. I found the car--a big +refrigerator car with the leeward door wide open for ventilation. Up I +climbed and in. I stepped on a man's leg, next on some other man's +arm. The light was dim, and all I could make out was arms and legs and +bodies inextricably confused. Never was there such a tangle of +humanity. They were all lying in the straw, and over, and under, and +around one another. Eighty-four husky hoboes take up a lot of room +when they are stretched out. The men I stepped on were resentful. +Their bodies heaved under me like the waves of the sea, and imparted +an involuntary forward movement to me. I could not find any straw to +step upon, so I stepped upon more men. The resentment increased, so +did my forward movement. I lost my footing and sat down with sharp +abruptness. Unfortunately, it was on a man's head. The next moment he +had risen on his hands and knees in wrath, and I was flying through +the air. What goes up must come down, and I came down on another man's +head. + +What happened after that is very vague in my memory. It was like going +through a threshing-machine. I was bandied about from one end of the +car to the other. Those eighty-four hoboes winnowed me out till what +little was left of me, by some miracle, found a bit of straw to rest +upon. I was initiated, and into a jolly crowd. All the rest of that +day we rode through the blizzard, and to while the time away it was +decided that each man was to tell a story. It was stipulated that +each story must be a good one, and, furthermore, that it must be a +story no one had ever heard before. The penalty for failure was the +threshing-machine. Nobody failed. And I want to say right here that +never in my life have I sat at so marvellous a story-telling debauch. +Here were eighty-four men from all the world--I made eighty-five; and +each man told a masterpiece. It had to be, for it was either +masterpiece or threshing-machine. + +Late in the afternoon we arrived in Cheyenne. The blizzard was at its +height, and though the last meal of all of us had been breakfast, no +man cared to throw his feet for supper. All night we rolled on through +the storm, and next day found us down on the sweet plains of Nebraska +and still rolling. We were out of the storm and the mountains. The +blessed sun was shining over a smiling land, and we had eaten nothing +for twenty-four hours. We found out that the freight would arrive +about noon at a town, if I remember right, that was called Grand +Island. + +We took up a collection and sent a telegram to the authorities of that +town. The text of the message was that eighty-five healthy, hungry +hoboes would arrive about noon and that it would be a good idea to +have dinner ready for them. The authorities of Grand Island had two +courses open to them. They could feed us, or they could throw us in +jail. In the latter event they'd have to feed us anyway, and they +decided wisely that one meal would be the cheaper way. + +When the freight rolled into Grand Island at noon, we were sitting on +the tops of the cars and dangling our legs in the sunshine. All the +police in the burg were on the reception committee. They marched us in +squads to the various hotels and restaurants, where dinners were +spread for us. We had been thirty-six hours without food, and we +didn't have to be taught what to do. After that we were marched back +to the railroad station. The police had thoughtfully compelled the +freight to wait for us. She pulled out slowly, and the eighty-five of +us, strung out along the track, swarmed up the side-ladders. We +"captured" the train. + +We had no supper that evening--at least the "push" didn't, but I did. +Just at supper time, as the freight was pulling out of a small town, +a man climbed into the car where I was playing pedro with three other +stiffs. The man's shirt was bulging suspiciously. In his hand he +carried a battered quart-measure from which arose steam. I smelled +"Java." I turned my cards over to one of the stiffs who was looking +on, and excused myself. Then, in the other end of the car, pursued by +envious glances, I sat down with the man who had climbed aboard and +shared his "Java" and the hand-outs that had bulged his shirt. It was +the Swede. + +At about ten o'clock in the evening, we arrived at Omaha. + +"Let's shake the push," said the Swede to me. + +"Sure," said I. + +As the freight pulled into Omaha, we made ready to do so. But the +people of Omaha were also ready. The Swede and I hung upon the +side-ladders, ready to drop off. But the freight did not stop. +Furthermore, long rows of policemen, their brass buttons and stars +glittering in the electric lights, were lined up on each side of the +track. The Swede and I knew what would happen to us if we ever dropped +off into their arms. We stuck by the side-ladders, and the train +rolled on across the Missouri River to Council Bluffs. + +"General" Kelly, with an army of two thousand hoboes, lay in camp at +Chautauqua Park, several miles away. The after-push we were with was +General Kelly's rear-guard, and, detraining at Council Bluffs, it +started to march to camp. The night had turned cold, and heavy +wind-squalls, accompanied by rain, were chilling and wetting us. Many +police were guarding us and herding us to the camp. The Swede and I +watched our chance and made a successful get-away. + +The rain began coming down in torrents, and in the darkness, unable to +see our hands in front of our faces, like a pair of blind men we +fumbled about for shelter. Our instinct served us, for in no time we +stumbled upon a saloon--not a saloon that was open and doing business, +not merely a saloon that was closed for the night, and not even a +saloon with a permanent address, but a saloon propped up on big +timbers, with rollers underneath, that was being moved from somewhere +to somewhere. The doors were locked. A squall of wind and rain drove +down upon us. We did not hesitate. Smash went the door, and in we +went. + +I have made some tough camps in my time, "carried the banner" in +infernal metropolises, bedded in pools of water, slept in the snow +under two blankets when the spirit thermometer registered seventy-four +degrees below zero (which is a mere trifle of one hundred and six +degrees of frost); but I want to say right here that never did I make +a tougher camp, pass a more miserable night, than that night I passed +with the Swede in the itinerant saloon at Council Bluffs. In the first +place, the building, perched up as it was in the air, had exposed a +multitude of openings in the floor through which the wind whistled. In +the second place, the bar was empty; there was no bottled fire-water +with which we could warm ourselves and forget our misery. We had no +blankets, and in our wet clothes, wet to the skin, we tried to sleep. +I rolled under the bar, and the Swede rolled under the table. The +holes and crevices in the floor made it impossible, and at the end of +half an hour I crawled up on top the bar. A little later the Swede +crawled up on top his table. + +And there we shivered and prayed for daylight. I know, for one, that I +shivered until I could shiver no more, till the shivering muscles +exhausted themselves and merely ached horribly. The Swede moaned and +groaned, and every little while, through chattering teeth, he +muttered, "Never again; never again." He muttered this phrase +repeatedly, ceaselessly, a thousand times; and when he dozed, he went +on muttering it in his sleep. + +At the first gray of dawn we left our house of pain, and outside, +found ourselves in a mist, dense and chill. We stumbled on till we +came to the railroad track. I was going back to Omaha to throw my feet +for breakfast; my companion was going on to Chicago. The moment for +parting had come. Our palsied hands went out to each other. We were +both shivering. When we tried to speak, our teeth chattered us back +into silence. We stood alone, shut off from the world; all that we +could see was a short length of railroad track, both ends of which +were lost in the driving mist. We stared dumbly at each other, our +clasped hands shaking sympathetically. The Swede's face was blue with +the cold, and I know mine must have been. + +"Never again what?" I managed to articulate. + +Speech strove for utterance in the Swede's throat; then faint and +distant, in a thin whisper from the very bottom of his frozen soul, +came the words:-- + +"Never again a hobo." + +He paused, and, as he went on again, his voice gathered strength and +huskiness as it affirmed his will. + +"Never again a hobo. I'm going to get a job. You'd better do the same. +Nights like this make rheumatism." + +He wrung my hand. + +"Good-by, Bo," said he. + +"Good-by, Bo," said I. + +The next we were swallowed up from each other by the mist. It was our +final passing. But here's to you, Mr. Swede, wherever you are. I hope +you got that job. + + + + +ROAD-KIDS AND GAY-CATS + + +Every once in a while, in newspapers, magazines, and biographical +dictionaries, I run upon sketches of my life, wherein, delicately +phrased, I learn that it was in order to study sociology that I became +a tramp. This is very nice and thoughtful of the biographers, but it +is inaccurate. I became a tramp--well, because of the life that was in +me, of the wanderlust in my blood that would not let me rest. +Sociology was merely incidental; it came afterward, in the same manner +that a wet skin follows a ducking. I went on "The Road" because I +couldn't keep away from it; because I hadn't the price of the railroad +fare in my jeans; because I was so made that I couldn't work all my +life on "one same shift"; because--well, just because it was easier to +than not to. + +It happened in my own town, in Oakland, when I was sixteen. At that +time I had attained a dizzy reputation in my chosen circle of +adventurers, by whom I was known as the Prince of the Oyster Pirates. +It is true, those immediately outside my circle, such as honest +bay-sailors, longshoremen, yachtsmen, and the legal owners of the +oysters, called me "tough," "hoodlum," "smoudge," "thief," "robber," +and various other not nice things--all of which was complimentary and +but served to increase the dizziness of the high place in which I sat. +At that time I had not read "Paradise Lost," and later, when I read +Milton's "Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven," I was fully +convinced that great minds run in the same channels. + +It was at this time that the fortuitous concatenation of events sent +me upon my first adventure on The Road. It happened that there was +nothing doing in oysters just then; that at Benicia, forty miles away, +I had some blankets I wanted to get; and that at Port Costa, several +miles from Benicia, a stolen boat lay at anchor in charge of the +constable. Now this boat was owned by a friend of mine, by name Dinny +McCrea. It had been stolen and left at Port Costa by Whiskey Bob, +another friend of mine. (Poor Whiskey Bob! Only last winter his body +was picked up on the beach shot full of holes by nobody knows whom.) +I had come down from "up river" some time before, and reported to +Dinny McCrea the whereabouts of his boat; and Dinny McCrea had +promptly offered ten dollars to me if I should bring it down to +Oakland to him. + +Time was heavy on my hands. I sat on the dock and talked it over with +Nickey the Greek, another idle oyster pirate. "Let's go," said I, and +Nickey was willing. He was "broke." I possessed fifty cents and a +small skiff. The former I invested and loaded into the latter in the +form of crackers, canned corned beef, and a ten-cent bottle of French +mustard. (We were keen on French mustard in those days.) Then, late in +the afternoon, we hoisted our small spritsail and started. We sailed +all night, and next morning, on the first of a glorious flood-tide, a +fair wind behind us, we came booming up the Carquinez Straits to Port +Costa. There lay the stolen boat, not twenty-five feet from the wharf. +We ran alongside and doused our little spritsail. I sent Nickey +forward to lift the anchor, while I began casting off the gaskets. + +A man ran out on the wharf and hailed us. It was the constable. It +suddenly came to me that I had neglected to get a written +authorization from Dinny McCrea to take possession of his boat. Also, +I knew that constable wanted to charge at least twenty-five dollars in +fees for capturing the boat from Whiskey Bob and subsequently taking +care of it. And my last fifty cents had been blown in for corned beef +and French mustard, and the reward was only ten dollars anyway. I shot +a glance forward to Nickey. He had the anchor up-and-down and was +straining at it. "Break her out," I whispered to him, and turned and +shouted back to the constable. The result was that he and I were +talking at the same time, our spoken thoughts colliding in mid-air and +making gibberish. + +The constable grew more imperative, and perforce I had to listen. +Nickey was heaving on the anchor till I thought he'd burst a +blood-vessel. When the constable got done with his threats and +warnings, I asked him who he was. The time he lost in telling me +enabled Nickey to break out the anchor. I was doing some quick +calculating. At the feet of the constable a ladder ran down the dock +to the water, and to the ladder was moored a skiff. The oars were in +it. But it was padlocked. I gambled everything on that padlock. I +felt the breeze on my cheek, saw the surge of the tide, looked at the +remaining gaskets that confined the sail, ran my eyes up the halyards +to the blocks and knew that all was clear, and then threw off all +dissimulation. + +"In with her!" I shouted to Nickey, and sprang to the gaskets, casting +them loose and thanking my stars that Whiskey Bob had tied them in +square-knots instead of "grannies." + +The constable had slid down the ladder and was fumbling with a key at +the padlock. The anchor came aboard and the last gasket was loosed at +the same instant that the constable freed the skiff and jumped to the +oars. + +"Peak-halyards!" I commanded my crew, at the same time swinging on to +the throat-halyards. Up came the sail on the run. I belayed and ran +aft to the tiller. + +"Stretch her!" I shouted to Nickey at the peak. The constable was just +reaching for our stern. A puff of wind caught us, and we shot away. It +was great. If I'd had a black flag, I know I'd have run it up in +triumph. The constable stood up in the skiff, and paled the glory of +the day with the vividness of his language. Also, he wailed for a gun. +You see, that was another gamble we had taken. + +Anyway, we weren't stealing the boat. It wasn't the constable's. We +were merely stealing his fees, which was his particular form of graft. +And we weren't stealing the fees for ourselves, either; we were +stealing them for my friend, Dinny McCrea. + +Benicia was made in a few minutes, and a few minutes later my blankets +were aboard. I shifted the boat down to the far end of Steamboat +Wharf, from which point of vantage we could see anybody coming after +us. There was no telling. Maybe the Port Costa constable would +telephone to the Benicia constable. Nickey and I held a council of +war. We lay on deck in the warm sun, the fresh breeze on our cheeks, +the flood-tide rippling and swirling past. It was impossible to start +back to Oakland till afternoon, when the ebb would begin to run. But +we figured that the constable would have an eye out on the Carquinez +Straits when the ebb started, and that nothing remained for us but to +wait for the following ebb, at two o'clock next morning, when we +could slip by Cerberus in the darkness. + +So we lay on deck, smoked cigarettes, and were glad that we were +alive. I spat over the side and gauged the speed of the current. + +"With this wind, we could run this flood clear to Rio Vista," I said. + +"And it's fruit-time on the river," said Nickey. + +"And low water on the river," said I. "It's the best time of the year +to make Sacramento." + +We sat up and looked at each other. The glorious west wind was pouring +over us like wine. We both spat over the side and gauged the current. +Now I contend that it was all the fault of that flood-tide and fair +wind. They appealed to our sailor instinct. If it had not been for +them, the whole chain of events that was to put me upon The Road would +have broken down. + +We said no word, but cast off our moorings and hoisted sail. Our +adventures up the Sacramento River are no part of this narrative. We +subsequently made the city of Sacramento and tied up at a wharf. The +water was fine, and we spent most of our time in swimming. On the +sand-bar above the railroad bridge we fell in with a bunch of boys +likewise in swimming. Between swims we lay on the bank and talked. +They talked differently from the fellows I had been used to herding +with. It was a new vernacular. They were road-kids, and with every +word they uttered the lure of The Road laid hold of me more +imperiously. + +"When I was down in Alabama," one kid would begin; or, another, +"Coming up on the C. & A. from K.C."; whereat, a third kid, "On the C. +& A. there ain't no steps to the 'blinds.'" And I would lie silently +in the sand and listen. "It was at a little town in Ohio on the Lake +Shore and Michigan Southern," a kid would start; and another, "Ever +ride the Cannonball on the Wabash?"; and yet another, "Nope, but I've +been on the White Mail out of Chicago." "Talk about railroadin'--wait +till you hit the Pennsylvania, four tracks, no water tanks, take water +on the fly, that's goin' some." "The Northern Pacific's a bad road +now." "Salinas is on the 'hog,' the 'bulls' is 'horstile.'" "I got +'pinched' at El Paso, along with Moke Kid." "Talkin' of 'poke-outs,' +wait till you hit the French country out of Montreal--not a word of +English--you say, 'Mongee, Madame, mongee, no spika da French,' an' +rub your stomach an' look hungry, an' she gives you a slice of +sow-belly an' a chunk of dry 'punk.'" + +And I continued to lie in the sand and listen. These wanderers made my +oyster-piracy look like thirty cents. A new world was calling to me in +every word that was spoken--a world of rods and gunnels, blind +baggages and "side-door Pullmans," "bulls" and "shacks," "floppings" +and "chewin's," "pinches" and "get-aways," "strong arms" and +"bindle-stiffs," "punks" and "profesh." And it all spelled Adventure. +Very well; I would tackle this new world. I "lined" myself up +alongside those road-kids. I was just as strong as any of them, just +as quick, just as nervy, and my brain was just as good. + +After the swim, as evening came on, they dressed and went up town. I +went along. The kids began "battering" the "main-stem" for "light +pieces," or, in other words, begging for money on the main street. I +had never begged in my life, and this was the hardest thing for me to +stomach when I first went on The Road. I had absurd notions about +begging. My philosophy, up to that time, was that it was finer to +steal than to beg; and that robbery was finer still because the risk +and the penalty were proportionately greater. As an oyster pirate I +had already earned convictions at the hands of justice, which, if I +had tried to serve them, would have required a thousand years in +state's prison. To rob was manly; to beg was sordid and despicable. +But I developed in the days to come all right, all right, till I came +to look upon begging as a joyous prank, a game of wits, a +nerve-exerciser. + +That first night, however, I couldn't rise to it; and the result was +that when the kids were ready to go to a restaurant and eat, I wasn't. +I was broke. Meeny Kid, I think it was, gave me the price, and we all +ate together. But while I ate, I meditated. The receiver, it was said, +was as bad as the thief; Meeny Kid had done the begging, and I was +profiting by it. I decided that the receiver was a whole lot worse +than the thief, and that it shouldn't happen again. And it didn't. I +turned out next day and threw my feet as well as the next one. + +Nickey the Greek's ambition didn't run to The Road. He was not a +success at throwing his feet, and he stowed away one night on a barge +and went down river to San Francisco. I met him, only a week ago, at a +pugilistic carnival. He has progressed. He sat in a place of honor at +the ring-side. He is now a manager of prize-fighters and proud of it. +In fact, in a small way, in local sportdom, he is quite a shining +light. + +"No kid is a road-kid until he has gone over 'the hill'"--such was the +law of The Road I heard expounded in Sacramento. All right, I'd go +over the hill and matriculate. "The hill," by the way, was the Sierra +Nevadas. The whole gang was going over the hill on a jaunt, and of +course I'd go along. It was French Kid's first adventure on The Road. +He had just run away from his people in San Francisco. It was up to +him and me to deliver the goods. In passing, I may remark that my old +title of "Prince" had vanished. I had received my "monica." I was now +"Sailor Kid," later to be known as "'Frisco Kid," when I had put the +Rockies between me and my native state. + +At 10.20 P.M. the Central Pacific overland pulled out of the depot at +Sacramento for the East--that particular item of time-table is +indelibly engraved on my memory. There were about a dozen in our gang, +and we strung out in the darkness ahead of the train ready to take her +out. All the local road-kids that we knew came down to see us +off--also, to "ditch" us if they could. That was their idea of a joke, +and there were only about forty of them to carry it out. Their +ring-leader was a crackerjack road-kid named Bob. Sacramento was his +home town, but he'd hit The Road pretty well everywhere over the whole +country. He took French Kid and me aside and gave us advice something +like this: "We're goin' to try an' ditch your bunch, see? Youse two +are weak. The rest of the push can take care of itself. So, as soon as +youse two nail a blind, deck her. An' stay on the decks till youse +pass Roseville Junction, at which burg the constables are horstile, +sloughin' in everybody on sight." + +The engine whistled and the overland pulled out. There were three +blinds on her--room for all of us. The dozen of us who were trying to +make her out would have preferred to slip aboard quietly; but our +forty friends crowded on with the most amazing and shameless +publicity and advertisement. Following Bob's advice, I immediately +"decked her," that is, climbed up on top of the roof of one of the +mail-cars. There I lay down, my heart jumping a few extra beats, and +listened to the fun. The whole train crew was forward, and the +ditching went on fast and furious. After the train had run half a +mile, it stopped, and the crew came forward again and ditched the +survivors. I, alone, had made the train out. + +Back at the depot, about him two or three of the push that had +witnessed the accident, lay French Kid with both legs off. French Kid +had slipped or stumbled--that was all, and the wheels had done the +rest. Such was my initiation to The Road. It was two years afterward +when I next saw French Kid and examined his "stumps." This was an act +of courtesy. "Cripples" always like to have their stumps examined. One +of the entertaining sights on The Road is to witness the meeting of +two cripples. Their common disability is a fruitful source of +conversation; and they tell how it happened, describe what they know +of the amputation, pass critical judgment on their own and each +other's surgeons, and wind up by withdrawing to one side, taking off +bandages and wrappings, and comparing stumps. + +But it was not until several days later, over in Nevada, when the push +caught up with me, that I learned of French Kid's accident. The push +itself arrived in bad condition. It had gone through a train-wreck in +the snow-sheds; Happy Joe was on crutches with two mashed legs, and +the rest were nursing skins and bruises. + +In the meantime, I lay on the roof of the mail-car, trying to remember +whether Roseville Junction, against which burg Bob had warned me, was +the first stop or the second stop. To make sure, I delayed descending +to the platform of the blind until after the second stop. And then I +didn't descend. I was new to the game, and I felt safer where I was. +But I never told the push that I held down the decks the whole night, +clear across the Sierras, through snow-sheds and tunnels, and down to +Truckee on the other side, where I arrived at seven in the morning. +Such a thing was disgraceful, and I'd have been a common +laughing-stock. This is the first time I have confessed the truth +about that first ride over the hill. As for the push, it decided that +I was all right, and when I came back over the hill to Sacramento, I +was a full-fledged road-kid. + +Yet I had much to learn. Bob was my mentor, and he was all right. I +remember one evening (it was fair-time in Sacramento, and we were +knocking about and having a good time) when I lost my hat in a fight. +There was I bare-headed in the street, and it was Bob to the rescue. +He took me to one side from the push and told me what to do. I was a +bit timid of his advice. I had just come out of jail, where I had been +three days, and I knew that if the police "pinched" me again, I'd get +good and "soaked." On the other hand, I couldn't show the white +feather. I'd been over the hill, I was running full-fledged with the +push, and it was up to me to deliver the goods. So I accepted Bob's +advice, and he came along with me to see that I did it up brown. + +We took our position on K Street, on the corner, I think, of Fifth. It +was early in the evening and the street was crowded. Bob studied the +head-gear of every Chinaman that passed. I used to wonder how the +road-kids all managed to wear "five-dollar Stetson stiff-rims," and +now I knew. They got them, the way I was going to get mine, from the +Chinese. I was nervous--there were so many people about; but Bob was +cool as an iceberg. Several times, when I started forward toward a +Chinaman, all nerved and keyed up, Bob dragged me back. He wanted me +to get a good hat, and one that fitted. Now a hat came by that was the +right size but not new; and, after a dozen impossible hats, along +would come one that was new but not the right size. And when one did +come by that was new and the right size, the rim was too large or not +large enough. My, Bob was finicky. I was so wrought up that I'd have +snatched any kind of a head-covering. + +At last came the hat, the one hat in Sacramento for me. I knew it was +a winner as soon as I looked at it. I glanced at Bob. He sent a +sweeping look-about for police, then nodded his head. I lifted the hat +from the Chinaman's head and pulled it down on my own. It was a +perfect fit. Then I started. I heard Bob crying out, and I caught a +glimpse of him blocking the irate Mongolian and tripping him up. I ran +on. I turned up the next corner, and around the next. This street was +not so crowded as K, and I walked along in quietude, catching my +breath and congratulating myself upon my hat and my get-away. + +And then, suddenly, around the corner at my back, came the bare-headed +Chinaman. With him were a couple more Chinamen, and at their heels +were half a dozen men and boys. I sprinted to the next corner, crossed +the street, and rounded the following corner. I decided that I had +surely played him out, and I dropped into a walk again. But around the +corner at my heels came that persistent Mongolian. It was the old +story of the hare and the tortoise. He could not run so fast as I, but +he stayed with it, plodding along at a shambling and deceptive trot, +and wasting much good breath in noisy imprecations. He called all +Sacramento to witness the dishonor that had been done him, and a +goodly portion of Sacramento heard and flocked at his heels. And I ran +on like the hare, and ever that persistent Mongolian, with the +increasing rabble, overhauled me. But finally, when a policeman had +joined his following, I let out all my links. I twisted and turned, +and I swear I ran at least twenty blocks on the straight away. And I +never saw that Chinaman again. The hat was a dandy, a brand-new +Stetson, just out of the shop, and it was the envy of the whole push. +Furthermore, it was the symbol that I had delivered the goods. I wore +it for over a year. + +Road-kids are nice little chaps--when you get them alone and they are +telling you "how it happened"; but take my word for it, watch out for +them when they run in pack. Then they are wolves, and like wolves they +are capable of dragging down the strongest man. At such times they are +not cowardly. They will fling themselves upon a man and hold on with +every ounce of strength in their wiry bodies, till he is thrown and +helpless. More than once have I seen them do it, and I know whereof I +speak. Their motive is usually robbery. And watch out for the "strong +arm." Every kid in the push I travelled with was expert at it. Even +French Kid mastered it before he lost his legs. + +I have strong upon me now a vision of what I once saw in "The +Willows." The Willows was a clump of trees in a waste piece of land +near the railway depot and not more than five minutes walk from the +heart of Sacramento. It is night-time and the scene is illumined by +the thin light of stars. I see a husky laborer in the midst of a pack +of road-kids. He is infuriated and cursing them, not a bit afraid, +confident of his own strength. He weighs about one hundred and eighty +pounds, and his muscles are hard; but he doesn't know what he is up +against. The kids are snarling. It is not pretty. They make a rush +from all sides, and he lashes out and whirls. Barber Kid is standing +beside me. As the man whirls, Barber Kid leaps forward and does the +trick. Into the man's back goes his knee; around the man's neck, from +behind, passes his right hand, the bone of the wrist pressing against +the jugular vein. Barber Kid throws his whole weight backward. It is a +powerful leverage. Besides, the man's wind has been shut off. It is +the strong arm. + +The man resists, but he is already practically helpless. The road-kids +are upon him from every side, clinging to arms and legs and body, and +like a wolf at the throat of a moose Barber Kid hangs on and drags +backward. Over the man goes, and down under the heap. Barber Kid +changes the position of his own body, but never lets go. While some of +the kids are "going through" the victim, others are holding his legs +so that he cannot kick and thresh about. They improve the opportunity +by taking off the man's shoes. As for him, he has given in. He is +beaten. Also, what of the strong arm at his throat, he is short of +wind. He is making ugly choking noises, and the kids hurry. They +really don't want to kill him. All is done. At a word all holds are +released at once, and the kids scatter, one of them lugging the +shoes--he knows where he can get half a dollar for them. The man sits +up and looks about him, dazed and helpless. Even if he wanted to, +barefooted pursuit in the darkness would be hopeless. I linger a +moment and watch him. He is feeling at his throat, making dry, hawking +noises, and jerking his head in a quaint way as though to assure +himself that the neck is not dislocated. Then I slip away to join the +push, and see that man no more--though I shall always see him, sitting +there in the starlight, somewhat dazed, a bit frightened, greatly +dishevelled, and making quaint jerking movements of head and neck. + +Drunken men are the especial prey of the road-kids. Robbing a drunken +man they call "rolling a stiff"; and wherever they are, they are on +the constant lookout for drunks. The drunk is their particular meat, +as the fly is the particular meat of the spider. The rolling of a +stiff is ofttimes an amusing sight, especially when the stiff is +helpless and when interference is unlikely. At the first swoop the +stiff's money and jewellery go. Then the kids sit around their victim +in a sort of pow-wow. A kid generates a fancy for the stiff's necktie. +Off it comes. Another kid is after underclothes. Off they come, and a +knife quickly abbreviates arms and legs. Friendly hoboes may be called +in to take the coat and trousers, which are too large for the kids. +And in the end they depart, leaving beside the stiff the heap of their +discarded rags. + +Another vision comes to me. It is a dark night. My push is coming +along the sidewalk in the suburbs. Ahead of us, under an electric +light, a man crosses the street diagonally. There is something +tentative and desultory in his walk. The kids scent the game on the +instant. The man is drunk. He blunders across the opposite sidewalk +and is lost in the darkness as he takes a short-cut through a vacant +lot. No hunting cry is raised, but the pack flings itself forward in +quick pursuit. In the middle of the vacant lot it comes upon him. But +what is this?--snarling and strange forms, small and dim and menacing, +are between the pack and its prey. It is another pack of road-kids, +and in the hostile pause we learn that it is their meat, that they +have been trailing it a dozen blocks and more and that we are butting +in. But it is the world primeval. These wolves are baby wolves. (As a +matter of fact, I don't think one of them was over twelve or thirteen +years of age. I met some of them afterward, and learned that they had +just arrived that day over the hill, and that they hailed from Denver +and Salt Lake City.) Our pack flings forward. The baby wolves squeal +and screech and fight like little demons. All about the drunken man +rages the struggle for the possession of him. Down he goes in the +thick of it, and the combat rages over his body after the fashion of +the Greeks and Trojans over the body and armor of a fallen hero. Amid +cries and tears and wailings the baby wolves are dispossessed, and my +pack rolls the stiff. But always I remember the poor stiff and his +befuddled amazement at the abrupt eruption of battle in the vacant +lot. I see him now, dim in the darkness, titubating in stupid wonder, +good-naturedly essaying the role of peacemaker in that multitudinous +scrap the significance of which he did not understand, and the really +hurt expression on his face when he, unoffending he, was clutched at +by many hands and dragged down in the thick of the press. + +"Bindle-stiffs" are favorite prey of the road-kids. A bindle-stiff is +a working tramp. He takes his name from the roll of blankets he +carries, which is known as a "bindle." Because he does work, a +bindle-stiff is expected usually to have some small change about him, +and it is after that small change that the road-kids go. The best +hunting-ground for bindle-stiffs is in the sheds, barns, lumber-yards, +railroad-yards, etc., on the edges of a city, and the time for hunting +is the night, when the bindle-stiff seeks these places to roll up in +his blankets and sleep. + +"Gay-cats" also come to grief at the hands of the road-kid. In more +familiar parlance, gay-cats are short-horns, _chechaquos_, new chums, +or tenderfeet. A gay-cat is a newcomer on The Road who is man-grown, +or, at least, youth-grown. A boy on The Road, on the other hand, no +matter how green he is, is never a gay-cat; he is a road-kid or a +"punk," and if he travels with a "profesh," he is known possessively +as a "prushun." I was never a prushun, for I did not take kindly to +possession. I was first a road-kid and then a profesh. Because I +started in young, I practically skipped my gay-cat apprenticeship. For +a short period, during the time I was exchanging my 'Frisco Kid monica +for that of Sailor Jack, I labored under the suspicion of being a +gay-cat. But closer acquaintance on the part of those that suspected +me quickly disabused their minds, and in a short time I acquired the +unmistakable airs and ear-marks of the blowed-in-the-glass profesh. +And be it known, here and now, that the profesh are the aristocracy of +The Road. They are the lords and masters, the aggressive men, the +primordial noblemen, the _blond beasts_ so beloved of Nietzsche. + +When I came back over the hill from Nevada, I found that some river +pirate had stolen Dinny McCrea's boat. (A funny thing at this day is +that I cannot remember what became of the skiff in which Nickey the +Greek and I sailed from Oakland to Port Costa. I know that the +constable didn't get it, and I know that it didn't go with us up the +Sacramento River, and that is all I do know.) With the loss of Dinny +McCrea's boat, I was pledged to The Road; and when I grew tired of +Sacramento, I said good-by to the push (which, in its friendly way, +tried to ditch me from a freight as I left town) and started on a +_passear_ down the valley of the San Joaquin. The Road had gripped me +and would not let me go; and later, when I had voyaged to sea and done +one thing and another, I returned to The Road to make longer flights, +to be a "comet" and a profesh, and to plump into the bath of sociology +that wet me to the skin. + + + + +TWO THOUSAND STIFFS + + +A "stiff" is a tramp. It was once my fortune to travel a few weeks +with a "push" that numbered two thousand. This was known as "Kelly's +Army." Across the wild and woolly West, clear from California, General +Kelly and his heroes had captured trains; but they fell down when they +crossed the Missouri and went up against the effete East. The East +hadn't the slightest intention of giving free transportation to two +thousand hoboes. Kelly's Army lay helplessly for some time at Council +Bluffs. The day I joined it, made desperate by delay, it marched out +to capture a train. + +It was quite an imposing sight. General Kelly sat a magnificent black +charger, and with waving banners, to the martial music of fife and +drum corps, company by company, in two divisions, his two thousand +stiffs countermarched before him and hit the wagon-road to the little +burg of Weston, seven miles away. Being the latest recruit, I was in +the last company, of the last regiment, of the Second Division, and, +furthermore, in the last rank of the rear-guard. The army went into +camp at Weston beside the railroad track--beside the tracks, rather, +for two roads went through: the Chicago, Milwaukee, and St. Paul, and +the Rock Island. + +Our intention was to take the first train out, but the railroad +officials "coppered" our play--and won. There was no first train. They +tied up the two lines and stopped running trains. In the meantime, +while we lay by the dead tracks, the good people of Omaha and Council +Bluffs were bestirring themselves. Preparations were making to form a +mob, capture a train in Council Bluffs, run it down to us, and make us +a present of it. The railroad officials coppered that play, too. They +didn't wait for the mob. Early in the morning of the second day, an +engine, with a single private car attached, arrived at the station and +side-tracked. At this sign that life had renewed in the dead roads, +the whole army lined up beside the track. + +But never did life renew so monstrously on a dead railroad as it did +on those two roads. From the west came the whistle of a locomotive. +It was coming in our direction, bound east. We were bound east. A stir +of preparation ran down our ranks. The whistle tooted fast and +furiously, and the train thundered at top speed. The hobo didn't live +that could have boarded it. Another locomotive whistled, and another +train came through at top speed, and another, and another, train after +train, train after train, till toward the last the trains were +composed of passenger coaches, box-cars, flat-cars, dead engines, +cabooses, mail-cars, wrecking appliances, and all the riff-raff of +worn-out and abandoned rolling-stock that collects in the yards of +great railways. When the yards at Council Bluffs had been completely +cleaned, the private car and engine went east, and the tracks died for +keeps. + +That day went by, and the next, and nothing moved, and in the +meantime, pelted by sleet, and rain, and hail, the two thousand hoboes +lay beside the track. But that night the good people of Council Bluffs +went the railroad officials one better. A mob formed in Council +Bluffs, crossed the river to Omaha, and there joined with another mob +in a raid on the Union Pacific yards. First they captured an engine, +next they knocked a train together, and then the united mobs piled +aboard, crossed the Missouri, and ran down the Rock Island right of +way to turn the train over to us. The railway officials tried to +copper this play, but fell down, to the mortal terror of the section +boss and one member of the section gang at Weston. This pair, under +secret telegraphic orders, tried to wreck our train-load of +sympathizers by tearing up the track. It happened that we were +suspicious and had our patrols out. Caught red-handed at +train-wrecking, and surrounded by twenty hundred infuriated hoboes, +that section-gang boss and assistant prepared to meet death. I don't +remember what saved them, unless it was the arrival of the train. + +It was our turn to fall down, and we did, hard. In their haste, the +two mobs had neglected to make up a sufficiently long train. There +wasn't room for two thousand hoboes to ride. So the mobs and the +hoboes had a talkfest, fraternized, sang songs, and parted, the mobs +going back on their captured train to Omaha, the hoboes pulling out +next morning on a hundred-and-forty-mile march to Des Moines. It was +not until Kelly's Army crossed the Missouri that it began to walk, +and after that it never rode again. It cost the railroads slathers of +money, but they were acting on principle, and they won. + +Underwood, Leola, Menden, Avoca, Walnut, Marno, Atlantic, Wyoto, +Anita, Adair, Adam, Casey, Stuart, Dexter, Carlham, De Soto, Van +Meter, Booneville, Commerce, Valley Junction--how the names of the +towns come back to me as I con the map and trace our route through the +fat Iowa country! And the hospitable Iowa farmer-folk! They turned out +with their wagons and carried our baggage; gave us hot lunches at noon +by the wayside; mayors of comfortable little towns made speeches of +welcome and hastened us on our way; deputations of little girls and +maidens came out to meet us, and the good citizens turned out by +hundreds, locked arms, and marched with us down their main streets. It +was circus day when we came to town, and every day was circus day, for +there were many towns. + +In the evenings our camps were invaded by whole populations. Every +company had its campfire, and around each fire something was doing. +The cooks in my company, Company L, were song-and-dance artists and +contributed most of our entertainment. In another part of the +encampment the glee club would be singing--one of its star voices was +the "Dentist," drawn from Company L, and we were mighty proud of him. +Also, he pulled teeth for the whole army, and, since the extractions +usually occurred at meal-time, our digestions were stimulated by +variety of incident. The Dentist had no anaesthetics, but two or three +of us were always on tap to volunteer to hold down the patient. In +addition to the stunts of the companies and the glee club, church +services were usually held, local preachers officiating, and always +there was a great making of political speeches. All these things ran +neck and neck; it was a full-blown Midway. A lot of talent can be dug +out of two thousand hoboes. I remember we had a picked baseball nine, +and on Sundays we made a practice of putting it all over the local +nines. Sometimes we did it twice on Sundays. + +Last year, while on a lecturing trip, I rode into Des Moines in a +Pullman--I don't mean a "side-door Pullman," but the real thing. On +the outskirts of the city I saw the old stove-works, and my heart +leaped. It was there, at the stove-works, a dozen years before, that +the Army lay down and swore a mighty oath that its feet were sore and +that it would walk no more. We took possession of the stove-works and +told Des Moines that we had come to stay--that we'd walked in, but +we'd be blessed if we'd walk out. Des Moines was hospitable, but this +was too much of a good thing. Do a little mental arithmetic, gentle +reader. Two thousand hoboes, eating three square meals, make six +thousand meals per day, forty-two thousand meals per week, or one +hundred and sixty-eight thousand meals per shortest month in the +calendar. That's going some. We had no money. It was up to Des Moines. + +Des Moines was desperate. We lay in camp, made political speeches, +held sacred concerts, pulled teeth, played baseball and seven-up, and +ate our six thousand meals per day, and Des Moines paid for it. Des +Moines pleaded with the railroads, but they were obdurate; they had +said we shouldn't ride, and that settled it. To permit us to ride +would be to establish a precedent, and there weren't going to be any +precedents. And still we went on eating. That was the terrifying +factor in the situation. We were bound for Washington, and Des Moines +would have had to float municipal bonds to pay all our railroad fares, +even at special rates, and if we remained much longer, she'd have to +float bonds anyway to feed us. + +Then some local genius solved the problem. We wouldn't walk. Very +good. We should ride. From Des Moines to Keokuk on the Mississippi +flowed the Des Moines River. This particular stretch of river was +three hundred miles long. We could ride on it, said the local genius; +and, once equipped with floating stock, we could ride on down the +Mississippi to the Ohio, and thence up the Ohio, winding up with a +short portage over the mountains to Washington. + +Des Moines took up a subscription. Public-spirited citizens +contributed several thousand dollars. Lumber, rope, nails, and cotton +for calking were bought in large quantities, and on the banks of the +Des Moines was inaugurated a tremendous era of shipbuilding. Now the +Des Moines is a picayune stream, unduly dignified by the appellation +of "river." In our spacious western land it would be called a "creek." +The oldest inhabitants shook their heads and said we couldn't make it, +that there wasn't enough water to float us. Des Moines didn't care, +so long as it got rid of us, and we were such well-fed optimists that +we didn't care either. + +On Wednesday, May 9, 1894, we got under way and started on our +colossal picnic. Des Moines had got off pretty easily, and she +certainly owes a statue in bronze to the local genius who got her out +of her difficulty. True, Des Moines had to pay for our boats; we had +eaten sixty-six thousand meals at the stove-works; and we took twelve +thousand additional meals along with us in our commissary--as a +precaution against famine in the wilds; but then, think what it would +have meant if we had remained at Des Moines eleven months instead of +eleven days. Also, when we departed, we promised Des Moines we'd come +back if the river failed to float us. + +It was all very well having twelve thousand meals in the commissary, +and no doubt the commissary "ducks" enjoyed them; for the commissary +promptly got lost, and my boat, for one, never saw it again. The +company formation was hopelessly broken up during the river-trip. In +any camp of men there will always be found a certain percentage of +shirks, of helpless, of just ordinary, and of hustlers. There were ten +men in my boat, and they were the cream of Company L. Every man was a +hustler. For two reasons I was included in the ten. First, I was as +good a hustler as ever "threw his feet," and next, I was "Sailor +Jack." I understood boats and boating. The ten of us forgot the +remaining forty men of Company L, and by the time we had missed one +meal we promptly forgot the commissary. We were independent. We went +down the river "on our own," hustling our "chewin's," beating every +boat in the fleet, and, alas that I must say it, sometimes taking +possession of the stores the farmer-folk had collected for the Army. + +For a good part of the three hundred miles we were from half a day to +a day or so in advance of the Army. We had managed to get hold of +several American flags. When we approached a small town, or when we +saw a group of farmers gathered on the bank, we ran up our flags, +called ourselves the "advance boat," and demanded to know what +provisions had been collected for the Army. We represented the Army, +of course, and the provisions were turned over to us. But there +wasn't anything small about us. We never took more than we could get +away with. But we did take the cream of everything. For instance, if +some philanthropic farmer had donated several dollars' worth of +tobacco, we took it. So, also, we took butter and sugar, coffee and +canned goods; but when the stores consisted of sacks of beans and +flour, or two or three slaughtered steers, we resolutely refrained and +went our way, leaving orders to turn such provisions over to the +commissary boats whose business was to follow behind us. + +My, but the ten of us did live on the fat of the land! For a long time +General Kelly vainly tried to head us off. He sent two rowers, in a +light, round-bottomed boat, to overtake us and put a stop to our +piratical careers. They overtook us all right, but they were two and +we were ten. They were empowered by General Kelly to make us +prisoners, and they told us so. When we expressed disinclination to +become prisoners, they hurried ahead to the next town to invoke the +aid of the authorities. We went ashore immediately and cooked an early +supper; and under the cloak of darkness we ran by the town and its +authorities. + +I kept a diary on part of the trip, and as I read it over now I note +one persistently recurring phrase, namely, "Living fine." We did live +fine. We even disdained to use coffee boiled in water. We made our +coffee out of milk, calling the wonderful beverage, if I remember +rightly, "pale Vienna." + +While we were ahead, skimming the cream, and while the commissary was +lost far behind, the main Army, coming along in the middle, starved. +This was hard on the Army, I'll allow; but then, the ten of us were +individualists. We had initiative and enterprise. We ardently believed +that the grub was to the man who got there first, the pale Vienna to +the strong. On one stretch the Army went forty-eight hours without +grub; and then it arrived at a small village of some three hundred +inhabitants, the name of which I do not remember, though I think it +was Red Rock. This town, following the practice of all towns through +which the Army passed, had appointed a committee of safety. Counting +five to a family, Red Rock consisted of sixty households. Her +committee of safety was scared stiff by the eruption of two thousand +hungry hoboes who lined their boats two and three deep along the +river bank. General Kelly was a fair man. He had no intention of +working a hardship on the village. He did not expect sixty households +to furnish two thousand meals. Besides, the Army had its +treasure-chest. + +But the committee of safety lost its head. "No encouragement to the +invader" was its programme, and when General Kelly wanted to buy food, +the committee turned him down. It had nothing to sell; General Kelly's +money was "no good" in their burg. And then General Kelly went into +action. The bugles blew. The Army left the boats and on top of the +bank formed in battle array. The committee was there to see. General +Kelly's speech was brief. + +"Boys," he said, "when did you eat last?" + +"Day before yesterday," they shouted. + +"Are you hungry?" + +A mighty affirmation from two thousand throats shook the atmosphere. +Then General Kelly turned to the committee of safety:-- + +"You see, gentlemen, the situation. My men have eaten nothing in +forty-eight hours. If I turn them loose upon your town, I'll not be +responsible for what happens. They are desperate. I offered to buy +food for them, but you refused to sell. I now withdraw my offer. +Instead, I shall demand. I give you five minutes to decide. Either +kill me six steers and give me four thousand rations, or I turn the +men loose. Five minutes, gentlemen." + +The terrified committee of safety looked at the two thousand hungry +hoboes and collapsed. It didn't wait the five minutes. It wasn't going +to take any chances. The killing of the steers and the collecting of +the requisition began forthwith, and the Army dined. + +And still the ten graceless individualists soared along ahead and +gathered in everything in sight. But General Kelly fixed us. He sent +horsemen down each bank, warning farmers and townspeople against us. +They did their work thoroughly, all right. The erstwhile hospitable +farmers met us with the icy mit. Also, they summoned the constables +when we tied up to the bank, and loosed the dogs. I know. Two of the +latter caught me with a barbed-wire fence between me and the river. I +was carrying two buckets of milk for the pale Vienna. I didn't damage +the fence any; but we drank plebian coffee boiled with vulgar water, +and it was up to me to throw my feet for another pair of trousers. I +wonder, gentle reader, if you ever essayed hastily to climb a +barbed-wire fence with a bucket of milk in each hand. Ever since that +day I have had a prejudice against barbed wire, and I have gathered +statistics on the subject. + +Unable to make an honest living so long as General Kelly kept his two +horsemen ahead of us, we returned to the Army and raised a revolution. +It was a small affair, but it devastated Company L of the Second +Division. The captain of Company L refused to recognize us; said we +were deserters, and traitors, and scalawags; and when he drew rations +for Company L from the commissary, he wouldn't give us any. That +captain didn't appreciate us, or he wouldn't have refused us grub. +Promptly we intrigued with the first lieutenant. He joined us with the +ten men in his boat, and in return we elected him captain of Company +M. The captain of Company L raised a roar. Down upon us came General +Kelly, Colonel Speed, and Colonel Baker. The twenty of us stood firm, +and our revolution was ratified. + +But we never bothered with the commissary. Our hustlers drew better +rations from the farmers. Our new captain, however, doubted us. He +never knew when he'd see the ten of us again, once we got under way in +the morning, so he called in a blacksmith to clinch his captaincy. In +the stern of our boat, one on each side, were driven two heavy +eye-bolts of iron. Correspondingly, on the bow of his boat, were +fastened two huge iron hooks. The boats were brought together, end on, +the hooks dropped into the eye-bolts, and there we were, hard and +fast. We couldn't lose that captain. But we were irrepressible. Out of +our very manacles we wrought an invincible device that enabled us to +put it all over every other boat in the fleet. + +Like all great inventions, this one of ours was accidental. We +discovered it the first time we ran on a snag in a bit of a rapid. The +head-boat hung up and anchored, and the tail-boat swung around in the +current, pivoting the head-boat on the snag. I was at the stern of the +tail-boat, steering. In vain we tried to shove off. Then I ordered the +men from the head-boat into the tail-boat. Immediately the head-boat +floated clear, and its men returned into it. After that, snags, reefs, +shoals, and bars had no terrors for us. The instant the head-boat +struck, the men in it leaped into the tail-boat. Of course, the +head-boat floated over the obstruction and the tail-boat then struck. +Like automatons, the twenty men now in the tail-boat leaped into the +head-boat, and the tail-boat floated past. + +The boats used by the Army were all alike, made by the mile and sawed +off. They were flat-boats, and their lines were rectangles. Each boat +was six feet wide, ten feet long, and a foot and a half deep. Thus, +when our two boats were hooked together, I sat at the stern steering a +craft twenty feet long, containing twenty husky hoboes who "spelled" +each other at the oars and paddles, and loaded with blankets, cooking +outfit, and our own private commissary. + +Still we caused General Kelly trouble. He had called in his horsemen, +and substituted three police-boats that travelled in the van and +allowed no boats to pass them. The craft containing Company M crowded +the police-boats hard. We could have passed them easily, but it was +against the rules. So we kept a respectful distance astern and waited. +Ahead we knew was virgin farming country, unbegged and generous; but +we waited. White water was all we needed, and when we rounded a bend +and a rapid showed up we knew what would happen. Smash! Police-boat +number one goes on a boulder and hangs up. Bang! Police-boat number +two follows suit. Whop! Police-boat number three encounters the common +fate of all. Of course our boat does the same things; but one, two, +the men are out of the head-boat and into the tail-boat; one, two, +they are out of the tail-boat and into the head-boat; and one, two, +the men who belong in the tail-boat are back in it and we are dashing +on. "Stop! you blankety-blank-blanks!" shriek the police-boats. "How +can we?--blank the blankety-blank river, anyway!" we wail plaintively +as we surge past, caught in that remorseless current that sweeps us on +out of sight and into the hospitable farmer-country that replenishes +our private commissary with the cream of its contributions. Again we +drink pale Vienna and realize that the grub is to the man who gets +there. + +Poor General Kelly! He devised another scheme. The whole fleet +started ahead of us. Company M of the Second Division started in its +proper place in the line, which was last. And it took us only one day +to put the "kibosh" on that particular scheme. Twenty-five miles of +bad water lay before us--all rapids, shoals, bars, and boulders. It +was over that stretch of water that the oldest inhabitants of Des +Moines had shaken their heads. Nearly two hundred boats entered the +bad water ahead of us, and they piled up in the most astounding +manner. We went through that stranded fleet like hemlock through the +fire. There was no avoiding the boulders, bars, and snags except by +getting out on the bank. We didn't avoid them. We went right over +them, one, two, one, two, head-boat, tail-boat, head-boat, tail-boat, +all hands back and forth and back again. We camped that night alone, +and loafed in camp all of next day while the Army patched and repaired +its wrecked boats and straggled up to us. + +There was no stopping our cussedness. We rigged up a mast, piled on +the canvas (blankets), and travelled short hours while the Army worked +over-time to keep us in sight. Then General Kelly had recourse to +diplomacy. No boat could touch us in the straight-away. Without +discussion, we were the hottest bunch that ever came down the Des +Moines. The ban of the police-boats was lifted. Colonel Speed was put +aboard, and with this distinguished officer we had the honor of +arriving first at Keokuk on the Mississippi. And right here I want to +say to General Kelly and Colonel Speed that here's my hand. You were +heroes, both of you, and you were men. And I'm sorry for at least ten +per cent of the trouble that was given you by the head-boat of Company +M. + +At Keokuk the whole fleet was lashed together in a huge raft, and, +after being wind-bound a day, a steamboat took us in tow down the +Mississippi to Quincy, Illinois, where we camped across the river on +Goose Island. Here the raft idea was abandoned, the boats being joined +together in groups of four and decked over. Somebody told me that +Quincy was the richest town of its size in the United States. When I +heard this, I was immediately overcome by an irresistible impulse to +throw my feet. No "blowed-in-the-glass profesh" could possibly pass up +such a promising burg. I crossed the river to Quincy in a small +dug-out; but I came back in a large riverboat, down to the gunwales +with the results of my thrown feet. Of course I kept all the money I +had collected, though I paid the boat-hire; also I took my pick of the +underwear, socks, cast-off clothes, shirts, "kicks," and "sky-pieces"; +and when Company M had taken all it wanted there was still a +respectable heap that was turned over to Company L. Alas, I was young +and prodigal in those days! I told a thousand "stories" to the good +people of Quincy, and every story was "good"; but since I have come to +write for the magazines I have often regretted the wealth of story, +the fecundity of fiction, I lavished that day in Quincy, Illinois. + +It was at Hannibal, Missouri, that the ten invincibles went to pieces. +It was not planned. We just naturally flew apart. The Boiler-Maker and +I deserted secretly. On the same day Scotty and Davy made a swift +sneak for the Illinois shore; also McAvoy and Fish achieved their +get-away. This accounts for six of the ten; what became of the +remaining four I do not know. As a sample of life on The Road, I make +the following quotation from my diary of the several days following my +desertion. + +"Friday, May 25th. Boiler-Maker and I left the camp on the island. We +went ashore on the Illinois side in a skiff and walked six miles on +the C.B. & Q. to Fell Creek. We had gone six miles out of our way, but +we got on a hand-car and rode six miles to Hull's, on the Wabash. +While there, we met McAvoy, Fish, Scotty, and Davy, who had also +pulled out from the Army. + +"Saturday, May 26th. At 2.11 A.M. we caught the Cannonball as she +slowed up at the crossing. Scotty and Davy were ditched. The four of +us were ditched at the Bluffs, forty miles farther on. In the +afternoon Fish and McAvoy caught a freight while Boiler-Maker and I +were away getting something to eat. + +"Sunday, May 27th. At 3.21 A.M. we caught the Cannonball and found +Scotty and Davy on the blind. We were all ditched at daylight at +Jacksonville. The C. & A. runs through here, and we're going to take +that. Boiler-Maker went off, but didn't return. Guess he caught a +freight. + +"Monday, May 28th. Boiler-Maker didn't show up. Scotty and Davy went +off to sleep somewhere, and didn't get back in time to catch the K.C. +passenger at 3.30 A.M. I caught her and rode her till after sunrise to +Masson City, 25,000 inhabitants. Caught a cattle train and rode all +night. + +"Tuesday, May 29th. Arrived in Chicago at 7 A.M...." + + * * * * * + +And years afterward, in China, I had the grief of learning that the +device we employed to navigate the rapids of the Des Moines--the +one-two-one-two, head-boat-tail-boat proposition--was not originated +by us. I learned that the Chinese river-boatmen had for thousands of +years used a similar device to negotiate "bad water." It is a good +stunt all right, even if we don't get the credit. It answers Dr. +Jordan's test of truth: "Will it work? Will you trust your life to +it?" + + + + +BULLS + + +If the tramp were suddenly to pass away from the United States, +widespread misery for many families would follow. The tramp enables +thousands of men to earn honest livings, educate their children, and +bring them up God-fearing and industrious. I know. At one time my +father was a constable and hunted tramps for a living. The community +paid him so much per head for all the tramps he could catch, and also, +I believe, he got mileage fees. Ways and means was always a pressing +problem in our household, and the amount of meat on the table, the new +pair of shoes, the day's outing, or the text-book for school, were +dependent upon my father's luck in the chase. Well I remember the +suppressed eagerness and the suspense with which I waited to learn +each morning what the results of his past night's toil had been--how +many tramps he had gathered in and what the chances were for +convicting them. And so it was, when later, as a tramp, I succeeded in +eluding some predatory constable, I could not but feel sorry for the +little boys and girls at home in that constable's house; it seemed to +me in a way that I was defrauding those little boys and girls of some +of the good things of life. + +But it's all in the game. The hobo defies society, and society's +watch-dogs make a living out of him. Some hoboes like to be caught by +the watch-dogs--especially in winter-time. Of course, such hoboes +select communities where the jails are "good," wherein no work is +performed and the food is substantial. Also, there have been, and most +probably still are, constables who divide their fees with the hoboes +they arrest. Such a constable does not have to hunt. He whistles, and +the game comes right up to his hand. It is surprising, the money that +is made out of stone-broke tramps. All through the South--at least +when I was hoboing--are convict camps and plantations, where the time +of convicted hoboes is bought by the farmers, and where the hoboes +simply have to work. Then there are places like the quarries at +Rutland, Vermont, where the hobo is exploited, the unearned energy in +his body, which he has accumulated by "battering on the drag" or +"slamming gates," being extracted for the benefit of that particular +community. + +Now I don't know anything about the quarries at Rutland, Vermont. I'm +very glad that I don't, when I remember how near I was to getting into +them. Tramps pass the word along, and I first heard of those quarries +when I was in Indiana. But when I got into New England, I heard of +them continually, and always with danger-signals flying. "They want +men in the quarries," the passing hoboes said; "and they never give a +'stiff' less than ninety days." By the time I got into New Hampshire I +was pretty well keyed up over those quarries, and I fought shy of +railroad cops, "bulls," and constables as I never had before. + +One evening I went down to the railroad yards at Concord and found a +freight train made up and ready to start. I located an empty box-car, +slid open the side-door, and climbed in. It was my hope to win across +to White River by morning; that would bring me into Vermont and not +more than a thousand miles from Rutland. But after that, as I worked +north, the distance between me and the point of danger would begin to +increase. In the car I found a "gay-cat," who displayed unusual +trepidation at my entrance. He took me for a "shack" (brakeman), and +when he learned I was only a stiff, he began talking about the +quarries at Rutland as the cause of the fright I had given him. He was +a young country fellow, and had beaten his way only over local +stretches of road. + +The freight got under way, and we lay down in one end of the box-car +and went to sleep. Two or three hours afterward, at a stop, I was +awakened by the noise of the right-hand door being softly slid open. +The gay-cat slept on. I made no movement, though I veiled my eyes with +my lashes to a little slit through which I could see out. A lantern +was thrust in through the doorway, followed by the head of a shack. He +discovered us, and looked at us for a moment. I was prepared for a +violent expression on his part, or the customary "Hit the grit, you +son of a toad!" Instead of this he cautiously withdrew the lantern and +very, very softly slid the door to. This struck me as eminently +unusual and suspicious. I listened, and softly I heard the hasp drop +into place. The door was latched on the outside. We could not open it +from the inside. One way of sudden exit from that car was blocked. It +would never do. I waited a few seconds, then crept to the left-hand +door and tried it. It was not yet latched. I opened it, dropped to the +ground, and closed it behind me. Then I passed across the bumpers to +the other side of the train. I opened the door the shack had latched, +climbed in, and closed it behind me. Both exits were available again. +The gay-cat was still asleep. + +The train got under way. It came to the next stop. I heard footsteps +in the gravel. Then the left-hand door was thrown open noisily. The +gay-cat awoke, I made believe to awake; and we sat up and stared at +the shack and his lantern. He didn't waste any time getting down to +business. + +"I want three dollars," he said. + +We got on our feet and came nearer to him to confer. We expressed an +absolute and devoted willingness to give him three dollars, but +explained our wretched luck that compelled our desire to remain +unsatisfied. The shack was incredulous. He dickered with us. He would +compromise for two dollars. We regretted our condition of poverty. He +said uncomplimentary things, called us sons of toads, and damned us +from hell to breakfast. Then he threatened. He explained that if we +didn't dig up, he'd lock us in and carry us on to White River and turn +us over to the authorities. He also explained all about the quarries +at Rutland. + +Now that shack thought he had us dead to rights. Was not he guarding +the one door, and had he not himself latched the opposite door but a +few minutes before? When he began talking about quarries, the +frightened gay-cat started to sidle across to the other door. The +shack laughed loud and long. "Don't be in a hurry," he said; "I locked +that door on the outside at the last stop." So implicitly did he +believe the door to be locked that his words carried conviction. The +gay-cat believed and was in despair. + +The shack delivered his ultimatum. Either we should dig up two +dollars, or he would lock us in and turn us over to the constable at +White River--and that meant ninety days and the quarries. Now, gentle +reader, just suppose that the other door had been locked. Behold the +precariousness of human life. For lack of a dollar, I'd have gone to +the quarries and served three months as a convict slave. So would the +gay-cat. Count me out, for I was hopeless; but consider the gay-cat. +He might have come out, after those ninety days, pledged to a life of +crime. And later he might have broken your skull, even your skull, +with a blackjack in an endeavor to take possession of the money on +your person--and if not your skull, then some other poor and +unoffending creature's skull. + +But the door was unlocked, and I alone knew it. The gay-cat and I +begged for mercy. I joined in the pleading and wailing out of sheer +cussedness, I suppose. But I did my best. I told a "story" that would +have melted the heart of any mug; but it didn't melt the heart of that +sordid money-grasper of a shack. When he became convinced that we +didn't have any money, he slid the door shut and latched it, then +lingered a moment on the chance that we had fooled him and that we +would now offer him the two dollars. + +Then it was that I let out a few links. I called him a son of a toad. +I called him all the other things he had called me. And then I called +him a few additional things. I came from the West, where men knew how +to swear, and I wasn't going to let any mangy shack on a measly New +England "jerk" put it over me in vividness and vigor of language. At +first the shack tried to laugh it down. Then he made the mistake of +attempting to reply. I let out a few more links, and I cut him to the +raw and therein rubbed winged and flaming epithets. Nor was my fine +frenzy all whim and literary; I was indignant at this vile creature, +who, in default of a dollar, would consign me to three months of +slavery. Furthermore, I had a sneaking idea that he got a "drag" out +of the constable fees. + +But I fixed him. I lacerated his feelings and pride several dollars' +worth. He tried to scare me by threatening to come in after me and +kick the stuffing out of me. In return, I promised to kick him in the +face while he was climbing in. The advantage of position was with me, +and he saw it. So he kept the door shut and called for help from the +rest of the train-crew. I could hear them answering and crunching +through the gravel to him. And all the time the other door was +unlatched, and they didn't know it; and in the meantime the gay-cat +was ready to die with fear. + +Oh, I was a hero--with my line of retreat straight behind me. I +slanged the shack and his mates till they threw the door open and I +could see their infuriated faces in the shine of the lanterns. It was +all very simple to them. They had us cornered in the car, and they +were going to come in and man-handle us. They started. I didn't kick +anybody in the face. I jerked the opposite door open, and the gay-cat +and I went out. The train-crew took after us. + +We went over--if I remember correctly--a stone fence. But I have no +doubts of recollection about where we found ourselves. In the darkness +I promptly fell over a grave-stone. The gay-cat sprawled over another. +And then we got the chase of our lives through that graveyard. The +ghosts must have thought we were going some. So did the train-crew, +for when we emerged from the graveyard and plunged across a road into +a dark wood, the shacks gave up the pursuit and went back to their +train. A little later that night the gay-cat and I found ourselves at +the well of a farmhouse. We were after a drink of water, but we +noticed a small rope that ran down one side of the well. We hauled it +up and found on the end of it a gallon-can of cream. And that is as +near as I got to the quarries of Rutland, Vermont. + +When hoboes pass the word along, concerning a town, that "the bulls is +horstile," avoid that town, or, if you must, go through softly. There +are some towns that one must always go through softly. Such a town was +Cheyenne, on the Union Pacific. It had a national reputation for being +"horstile,"--and it was all due to the efforts of one Jeff Carr (if I +remember his name aright). Jeff Carr could size up the "front" of a +hobo on the instant. He never entered into discussion. In the one +moment he sized up the hobo, and in the next he struck out with both +fists, a club, or anything else he had handy. After he had man-handled +the hobo, he started him out of town with a promise of worse if he +ever saw him again. Jeff Carr knew the game. North, south, east, and +west to the uttermost confines of the United States (Canada and Mexico +included), the man-handled hoboes carried the word that Cheyenne was +"horstile." Fortunately, I never encountered Jeff Carr. I passed +through Cheyenne in a blizzard. There were eighty-four hoboes with me +at the time. The strength of numbers made us pretty nonchalant on +most things, but not on Jeff Carr. The connotation of "Jeff Carr" +stunned our imagination, numbed our virility, and the whole gang was +mortally scared of meeting him. + +It rarely pays to stop and enter into explanations with bulls when +they look "horstile." A swift get-away is the thing to do. It took me +some time to learn this; but the finishing touch was put upon me by a +bull in New York City. Ever since that time it has been an automatic +process with me to make a run for it when I see a bull reaching for +me. This automatic process has become a mainspring of conduct in me, +wound up and ready for instant release. I shall never get over it. +Should I be eighty years old, hobbling along the street on crutches, +and should a policeman suddenly reach out for me, I know I'd drop the +crutches and run like a deer. + +The finishing touch to my education in bulls was received on a hot +summer afternoon in New York City. It was during a week of scorching +weather. I had got into the habit of throwing my feet in the morning, +and of spending the afternoon in the little park that is hard by +Newspaper Row and the City Hall. It was near there that I could buy +from pushcart men current books (that had been injured in the making +or binding) for a few cents each. Then, right in the park itself, were +little booths where one could buy glorious, ice-cold, sterilized milk +and buttermilk at a penny a glass. Every afternoon I sat on a bench +and read, and went on a milk debauch. I got away with from five to ten +glasses each afternoon. It was dreadfully hot weather. + +So here I was, a meek and studious milk-drinking hobo, and behold what +I got for it. One afternoon I arrived at the park, a fresh +book-purchase under my arm and a tremendous buttermilk thirst under my +shirt. In the middle of the street, in front of the City Hall, I +noticed, as I came along heading for the buttermilk booth, that a +crowd had formed. It was right where I was crossing the street, so I +stopped to see the cause of the collection of curious men. At first I +could see nothing. Then, from the sounds I heard and from a glimpse I +caught, I knew that it was a bunch of gamins playing pee-wee. Now +pee-wee is not permitted in the streets of New York. I didn't know +that, but I learned pretty lively. I had paused possibly thirty +seconds, in which time I had learned the cause of the crowd, when I +heard a gamin yell "Bull!" The gamins knew their business. They ran. I +didn't. + +The crowd broke up immediately and started for the sidewalk on both +sides of the street. I started for the sidewalk on the park-side. +There must have been fifty men, who had been in the original crowd, +who were heading in the same direction. We were loosely strung out. I +noticed the bull, a strapping policeman in a gray suit. He was coming +along the middle of the street, without haste, merely sauntering. I +noticed casually that he changed his course, and was heading obliquely +for the same sidewalk that I was heading for directly. He sauntered +along, threading the strung-out crowd, and I noticed that his course +and mine would cross each other. I was so innocent of wrong-doing +that, in spite of my education in bulls and their ways, I apprehended +nothing. I never dreamed that bull was after me. Out of my respect for +the law I was actually all ready to pause the next moment and let him +cross in front of me. The pause came all right, but it was not of my +volition; also it was a backward pause. Without warning, that bull had +suddenly launched out at me on the chest with both hands. At the same +moment, verbally, he cast the bar sinister on my genealogy. + +All my free American blood boiled. All my liberty-loving ancestors +clamored in me. "What do you mean?" I demanded. You see, I wanted an +explanation. And I got it. Bang! His club came down on top of my head, +and I was reeling backward like a drunken man, the curious faces of +the onlookers billowing up and down like the waves of the sea, my +precious book falling from under my arm into the dirt, the bull +advancing with the club ready for another blow. And in that dizzy +moment I had a vision. I saw that club descending many times upon my +head; I saw myself, bloody and battered and hard-looking, in a +police-court; I heard a charge of disorderly conduct, profane +language, resisting an officer, and a few other things, read by a +clerk; and I saw myself across in Blackwell's Island. Oh, I knew the +game. I lost all interest in explanations. I didn't stop to pick up my +precious, unread book. I turned and ran. I was pretty sick, but I +ran. And run I shall, to my dying day, whenever a bull begins to +explain with a club. + +Why, years after my tramping days, when I was a student in the +University of California, one night I went to the circus. After the +show and the concert I lingered on to watch the working of the +transportation machinery of a great circus. The circus was leaving +that night. By a bonfire I came upon a bunch of small boys. There were +about twenty of them, and as they talked with one another I learned +that they were going to run away with the circus. Now the circus-men +didn't want to be bothered with this mess of urchins, and a telephone +to police headquarters had "coppered" the play. A squad of ten +policemen had been despatched to the scene to arrest the small boys +for violating the nine o'clock curfew ordinance. The policemen +surrounded the bonfire, and crept up close to it in the darkness. At +the signal, they made a rush, each policeman grabbing at the +youngsters as he would grab into a basket of squirming eels. + +Now I didn't know anything about the coming of the police; and when I +saw the sudden eruption of brass-buttoned, helmeted bulls, each of +them reaching with both hands, all the forces and stability of my +being were overthrown. Remained only the automatic process to run. And +I ran. I didn't know I was running. I didn't know anything. It was, as +I have said, automatic. There was no reason for me to run. I was not a +hobo. I was a citizen of that community. It was my home town. I was +guilty of no wrong-doing. I was a college man. I had even got my name +in the papers, and I wore good clothes that had never been slept in. +And yet I ran--blindly, madly, like a startled deer, for over a block. +And when I came to myself, I noted that I was still running. It +required a positive effort of will to stop those legs of mine. + +No, I'll never get over it. I can't help it. When a bull reaches, I +run. Besides, I have an unhappy faculty for getting into jail. I have +been in jail more times since I was a hobo than when I was one. I +start out on a Sunday morning with a young lady on a bicycle ride. +Before we can get outside the city limits we are arrested for passing +a pedestrian on the sidewalk. I resolve to be more careful. The next +time I am on a bicycle it is night-time and my acetylene-gas-lamp is +misbehaving. I cherish the sickly flame carefully, because of the +ordinance. I am in a hurry, but I ride at a snail's pace so as not to +jar out the flickering flame. I reach the city limits; I am beyond the +jurisdiction of the ordinance; and I proceed to scorch to make up for +lost time. And half a mile farther on I am "pinched" by a bull, and +the next morning I forfeit my bail in the police court. The city had +treacherously extended its limits into a mile of the country, and I +didn't know, that was all. I remember my inalienable right of free +speech and peaceable assemblage, and I get up on a soap-box to trot +out the particular economic bees that buzz in my bonnet, and a bull +takes me off that box and leads me to the city prison, and after that +I get out on bail. It's no use. In Korea I used to be arrested about +every other day. It was the same thing in Manchuria. The last time I +was in Japan I broke into jail under the pretext of being a Russian +spy. It wasn't my pretext, but it got me into jail just the same. +There is no hope for me. I am fated to do the Prisoner-of-Chillon +stunt yet. This is prophecy. + +I once hypnotized a bull on Boston Common. It was past midnight and he +had me dead to rights; but before I got done with him he had ponied up +a silver quarter and given me the address of an all-night restaurant. +Then there was a bull in Bristol, New Jersey, who caught me and let me +go, and heaven knows he had provocation enough to put me in jail. I +hit him the hardest I'll wager he was ever hit in his life. It +happened this way. About midnight I nailed a freight out of +Philadelphia. The shacks ditched me. She was pulling out slowly +through the maze of tracks and switches of the freight-yards. I nailed +her again, and again I was ditched. You see, I had to nail her +"outside," for she was a through freight with every door locked and +sealed. + +The second time I was ditched the shack gave me a lecture. He told me +I was risking my life, that it was a fast freight and that she went +some. I told him I was used to going some myself, but it was no go. He +said he wouldn't permit me to commit suicide, and I hit the grit. But +I nailed her a third time, getting in between on the bumpers. They +were the most meagre bumpers I had ever seen--I do not refer to the +real bumpers, the iron bumpers that are connected by the +coupling-link and that pound and grind on each other; what I refer to +are the beams, like huge cleats, that cross the ends of freight cars +just above the bumpers. When one rides the bumpers, he stands on these +cleats, one foot on each, the bumpers between his feet and just +beneath. + +But the beams or cleats I found myself on were not the broad, generous +ones that at that time were usually on box-cars. On the contrary, they +were very narrow--not more than an inch and a half in breadth. I +couldn't get half of the width of my sole on them. Then there was +nothing to which to hold with my hands. True, there were the ends of +the two box-cars; but those ends were flat, perpendicular surfaces. +There were no grips. I could only press the flats of my palms against +the car-ends for support. But that would have been all right if the +cleats for my feet had been decently wide. + +As the freight got out of Philadelphia she began to hit up speed. Then +I understood what the shack had meant by suicide. The freight went +faster and faster. She was a through freight, and there was nothing to +stop her. On that section of the Pennsylvania four tracks run side by +side, and my east-bound freight didn't need to worry about passing +west-bound freights, nor about being overtaken by east-bound +expresses. She had the track to herself, and she used it. I was in a +precarious situation. I stood with the mere edges of my feet on the +narrow projections, the palms of my hands pressing desperately against +the flat, perpendicular ends of each car. And those cars moved, and +moved individually, up and down and back and forth. Did you ever see a +circus rider, standing on two running horses, with one foot on the +back of each horse? Well, that was what I was doing, with several +differences. The circus rider had the reins to hold on to, while I had +nothing; he stood on the broad soles of his feet, while I stood on the +edges of mine; he bent his legs and body, gaining the strength of the +arch in his posture and achieving the stability of a low centre of +gravity, while I was compelled to stand upright and keep my legs +straight; he rode face forward, while I was riding sidewise; and also, +if he fell off, he'd get only a roll in the sawdust, while I'd have +been ground to pieces beneath the wheels. + +And that freight was certainly going some, roaring and shrieking, +swinging madly around curves, thundering over trestles, one car-end +bumping up when the other was jarring down, or jerking to the right at +the same moment the other was lurching to the left, and with me all +the while praying and hoping for the train to stop. But she didn't +stop. She didn't have to. For the first, last, and only time on The +Road, I got all I wanted. I abandoned the bumpers and managed to get +out on a side-ladder; it was ticklish work, for I had never +encountered car-ends that were so parsimonious of hand-holds and +foot-holds as those car-ends were. + +I heard the engine whistling, and I felt the speed easing down. I knew +the train wasn't going to stop, but my mind was made up to chance it +if she slowed down sufficiently. The right of way at this point took a +curve, crossed a bridge over a canal, and cut through the town of +Bristol. This combination compelled slow speed. I clung on to the +side-ladder and waited. I didn't know it was the town of Bristol we +were approaching. I did not know what necessitated slackening in +speed. All I knew was that I wanted to get off. I strained my eyes in +the darkness for a street-crossing on which to land. I was pretty well +down the train, and before my car was in the town the engine was past +the station and I could feel her making speed again. + +Then came the street. It was too dark to see how wide it was or what +was on the other side. I knew I needed all of that street if I was to +remain on my feet after I struck. I dropped off on the near side. It +sounds easy. By "dropped off" I mean just this: I first of all, on the +side-ladder, thrust my body forward as far as I could in the direction +the train was going--this to give as much space as possible in which +to gain backward momentum when I swung off. Then I swung, swung out +and backward, backward with all my might, and let go--at the same time +throwing myself backward as if I intended to strike the ground on the +back of my head. The whole effort was to overcome as much as possible +the primary forward momentum the train had imparted to my body. When +my feet hit the grit, my body was lying backward on the air at an +angle of forty-five degrees. I had reduced the forward momentum some, +for when my feet struck, I did not immediately pitch forward on my +face. Instead, my body rose to the perpendicular and began to incline +forward. In point of fact, my body proper still retained much +momentum, while my feet, through contact with the earth, had lost all +their momentum. This momentum the feet had lost I had to supply anew +by lifting them as rapidly as I could and running them forward in +order to keep them under my forward-moving body. The result was that +my feet beat a rapid and explosive tattoo clear across the street. I +didn't dare stop them. If I had, I'd have pitched forward. It was up +to me to keep on going. + +I was an involuntary projectile, worrying about what was on the other +side of the street and hoping that it wouldn't be a stone wall or a +telegraph pole. And just then I hit something. Horrors! I saw it just +the instant before the disaster--of all things, a bull, standing there +in the darkness. We went down together, rolling over and over; and the +automatic process was such in that miserable creature that in the +moment of impact he reached out and clutched me and never let go. We +were both knocked out, and he held on to a very lamb-like hobo while +he recovered. + +If that bull had any imagination, he must have thought me a traveller +from other worlds, the man from Mars just arriving; for in the +darkness he hadn't seen me swing from the train. In fact, his first +words were: "Where did you come from?" His next words, and before I +had time to answer, were: "I've a good mind to run you in." This +latter, I am convinced, was likewise automatic. He was a really good +bull at heart, for after I had told him a "story" and helped brush off +his clothes, he gave me until the next freight to get out of town. I +stipulated two things: first, that the freight be east-bound, and +second, that it should not be a through freight with all doors sealed +and locked. To this he agreed, and thus, by the terms of the Treaty of +Bristol, I escaped being pinched. + +I remember another night, in that part of the country, when I just +missed another bull. If I had hit him, I'd have telescoped him, for I +was coming down from above, all holds free, with several other bulls +one jump behind and reaching for me. This is how it happened. I had +been lodging in a livery stable in Washington. I had a box-stall and +unnumbered horse-blankets all to myself. In return for such sumptuous +accommodation I took care of a string of horses each morning. I might +have been there yet, if it hadn't been for the bulls. + +One evening, about nine o'clock, I returned to the stable to go to +bed, and found a crap game in full blast. It had been a market day, +and all the negroes had money. It would be well to explain the lay of +the land. The livery stable faced on two streets. I entered the front, +passed through the office, and came to the alley between two rows of +stalls that ran the length of the building and opened out on the other +street. Midway along this alley, beneath a gas-jet and between the +rows of horses, were about forty negroes. I joined them as an +onlooker. I was broke and couldn't play. A coon was making passes and +not dragging down. He was riding his luck, and with each pass the +total stake doubled. All kinds of money lay on the floor. It was +fascinating. With each pass, the chances increased tremendously +against the coon making another pass. The excitement was intense. And +just then there came a thundering smash on the big doors that opened +on the back street. + +A few of the negroes bolted in the opposite direction. I paused from +my flight a moment to grab at the all kinds of money on the floor. +This wasn't theft: it was merely custom. Every man who hadn't run was +grabbing. The doors crashed open and swung in, and through them surged +a squad of bulls. We surged the other way. It was dark in the office, +and the narrow door would not permit all of us to pass out to the +street at the same time. Things became congested. A coon took a dive +through the window, taking the sash along with him and followed by +other coons. At our rear, the bulls were nailing prisoners. A big coon +and myself made a dash at the door at the same time. He was bigger +than I, and he pivoted me and got through first. The next instant a +club swatted him on the head and he went down like a steer. Another +squad of bulls was waiting outside for us. They knew they couldn't +stop the rush with their hands, and so they were swinging their clubs. +I stumbled over the fallen coon who had pivoted me, ducked a swat from +a club, dived between a bull's legs, and was free. And then how I ran! +There was a lean mulatto just in front of me, and I took his pace. He +knew the town better than I did, and I knew that in the way he ran lay +safety. But he, on the other hand, took me for a pursuing bull. He +never looked around. He just ran. My wind was good, and I hung on to +his pace and nearly killed him. In the end he stumbled weakly, went +down on his knees, and surrendered to me. And when he discovered I +wasn't a bull, all that saved me was that he didn't have any wind left +in him. + +That was why I left Washington--not on account of the mulatto, but on +account of the bulls. I went down to the depot and caught the first +blind out on a Pennsylvania Railroad express. After the train got good +and under way and I noted the speed she was making, a misgiving smote +me. This was a four-track railroad, and the engines took water on the +fly. Hoboes had long since warned me never to ride the first blind on +trains where the engines took water on the fly. And now let me +explain. Between the tracks are shallow metal troughs. As the engine, +at full speed, passes above, a sort of chute drops down into the +trough. The result is that all the water in the trough rushes up the +chute and fills the tender. + +Somewhere along between Washington and Baltimore, as I sat on the +platform of the blind, a fine spray began to fill the air. It did no +harm. Ah, ha, thought I; it's all a bluff, this taking water on the +fly being bad for the bo on the first blind. What does this little +spray amount to? Then I began to marvel at the device. This was +railroading! Talk about your primitive Western railroading--and just +then the tender filled up, and it hadn't reached the end of the +trough. A tidal wave of water poured over the back of the tender and +down upon me. I was soaked to the skin, as wet as if I had fallen +overboard. + +The train pulled into Baltimore. As is the custom in the great Eastern +cities, the railroad ran beneath the level of the streets on the +bottom of a big "cut." As the train pulled into the lighted depot, I +made myself as small as possible on the blind. But a railroad bull saw +me, and gave chase. Two more joined him. I was past the depot, and I +ran straight on down the track. I was in a sort of trap. On each side +of me rose the steep walls of the cut, and if I ever essayed them and +failed, I knew that I'd slide back into the clutches of the bulls. I +ran on and on, studying the walls of the cut for a favorable place to +climb up. At last I saw such a place. It came just after I had passed +under a bridge that carried a level street across the cut. Up the +steep slope I went, clawing hand and foot. The three railroad bulls +were clawing up right after me. + +At the top, I found myself in a vacant lot. On one side was a low wall +that separated it from the street. There was no time for minute +investigation. They were at my heels. I headed for the wall and +vaulted it. And right there was where I got the surprise of my life. +One is used to thinking that one side of a wall is just as high as the +other side. But that wall was different. You see, the vacant lot was +much higher than the level of the street. On my side the wall was low, +but on the other side--well, as I came soaring over the top, all holds +free, it seemed to me that I was falling feet-first, plump into an +abyss. There beneath me, on the sidewalk, under the light of a +street-lamp was a bull. I guess it was nine or ten feet down to the +sidewalk; but in the shock of surprise in mid-air it seemed twice that +distance. + +I straightened out in the air and came down. At first I thought I was +going to land on the bull. My clothes did brush him as my feet struck +the sidewalk with explosive impact. It was a wonder he didn't drop +dead, for he hadn't heard me coming. It was the man-from-Mars stunt +over again. The bull did jump. He shied away from me like a horse from +an auto; and then he reached for me. I didn't stop to explain. I left +that to my pursuers, who were dropping over the wall rather gingerly. +But I got a chase all right. I ran up one street and down another, +dodged around corners, and at last got away. + +After spending some of the coin I'd got from the crap game and killing +off an hour of time, I came back to the railroad cut, just outside the +lights of the depot, and waited for a train. My blood had cooled down, +and I shivered miserably, what of my wet clothes. At last a train +pulled into the station. I lay low in the darkness, and successfully +boarded her when she pulled out, taking good care this time to make +the second blind. No more water on the fly in mine. The train ran +forty miles to the first stop. I got off in a lighted depot that was +strangely familiar. I was back in Washington. In some way, during the +excitement of the get-away in Baltimore, running through strange +streets, dodging and turning and retracing, I had got turned around. I +had taken the train out the wrong way. I had lost a night's sleep, I +had been soaked to the skin, I had been chased for my life; and for +all my pains I was back where I had started. Oh, no, life on The Road +is not all beer and skittles. But I didn't go back to the livery +stable. I had done some pretty successful grabbing, and I didn't want +to reckon up with the coons. So I caught the next train out, and ate +my breakfast in Baltimore. + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 14658 *** |