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diff --git a/old/ppohr10.txt b/old/ppohr10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..eb68134 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/ppohr10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,6449 @@ +Project Gutenberg Etext of The Private Papers of Henry Ryecroft +by George Gissing + + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check +the copyright laws for your country before posting these files!! + +Please take a look at the important information in this header. +We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an +electronic path open for the next readers. Do not remove this. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**Etexts Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*These Etexts Prepared By Hundreds of Volunteers and Donations* + +Information on contacting Project Gutenberg to get Etexts, and +further information is included below. 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A year ago obituary paragraphs in the literary +papers gave such account of him as was thought needful: the date +and place of his birth, the names of certain books he had written, +an allusion to his work in the periodicals, the manner of his death. +At the time it sufficed. Even those few who knew the man, and in a +measure understood him, must have felt that his name called for no +further celebration; like other mortals, he had lived and laboured; +like other mortals, he had entered into his rest. To me, however, +fell the duty of examining Ryecroft's papers; and having, in the +exercise of my discretion, decided to print this little volume, I +feel that it requires a word or two of biographical complement, just +so much personal detail as may point the significance of the self- +revelation here made. + +When first I knew him, Ryecroft had reached his fortieth year; for +twenty years he had lived by the pen. He was a struggling man, +beset by poverty and other circumstances very unpropitious to mental +work. Many forms of literature had he tried; in none had he been +conspicuously successful; yet now and then he had managed to earn a +little more money than his actual needs demanded, and thus was +enabled to see something of foreign countries. Naturally a man of +independent and rather scornful outlook, he had suffered much from +defeated ambition, from disillusions of many kinds, from subjection +to grim necessity; the result of it, at the time of which I am +speaking, was, certainly not a broken spirit, but a mind and temper +so sternly disciplined, that, in ordinary intercourse with him, one +did not know but that he led a calm, contented life. Only after +several years of friendship was I able to form a just idea of what +the man had gone through, or of his actual existence. Little by +little Ryecroft had subdued himself to a modestly industrious +routine. He did a great deal of mere hack-work; he reviewed, he +translated, he wrote articles; at long intervals a volume appeared +under his name. There were times, I have no doubt, when bitterness +took hold upon him; not seldom he suffered in health, and probably +as much from moral as from physical over-strain; but, on the whole, +he earned his living very much as other men do, taking the day's +toil as a matter of course, and rarely grumbling over it. + +Time went on; things happened; but Ryecroft was still laborious and +poor. In moments of depression he spoke of his declining energies, +and evidently suffered under a haunting fear of the future. The +thought of dependence had always been intolerable to him; perhaps +the only boast I at any time heard from his lips was that he had +never incurred debt. It was a bitter thought that, after so long +and hard a struggle with unkindly circumstance, he might end his +life as one of the defeated. + +A happier lot was in store for him. At the age of fifty, just when +his health had begun to fail and his energies to show abatement, +Ryecroft had the rare good fortune to find himself suddenly released +from toil, and to enter upon a period of such tranquillity of mind +and condition as he had never dared to hope. On the death of an +acquaintance, more his friend than he imagined, the wayworn man of +letters learnt with astonishment that there was bequeathed to him a +life annuity of three hundred pounds. Having only himself to +support (he had been a widower for several years, and his daughter, +an only child, was married), Ryecroft saw in this income something +more than a competency. In a few weeks he quitted the London suburb +where of late he had been living, and, turning to the part of +England which he loved best, he presently established himself in a +cottage near Exeter, where, with a rustic housekeeper to look after +him, he was soon thoroughly at home. Now and then some friend went +down into Devon to see him; those who had that pleasure will not +forget the plain little house amid its half-wild garden, the cosy +book-room with its fine view across the valley of the Exe to Haldon, +the host's cordial, gleeful hospitality, rambles with him in lanes +and meadows, long talks amid the stillness of the rural night. We +hoped it would all last for many a year; it seemed, indeed, as +though Ryecroft had only need of rest and calm to become a hale man. +But already, though he did not know it, he was suffering from a +disease of the heart, which cut short his life after little more +than a lustrum of quiet contentment. It had always been his wish to +die suddenly; he dreaded the thought of illness, chiefly because of +the trouble it gave to others. On a summer evening, after a long +walk in very hot weather, he lay down upon the sofa in his study, +and there--as his calm face declared--passed from slumber into the +great silence. + +When he left London, Ryecroft bade farewell to authorship. He told +me that he hoped never to write another line for publication. But, +among the papers which I looked through after his death, I came upon +three manuscript books which at first glance seemed to be a diary; a +date on the opening page of one of them showed that it had been +begun not very long after the writer's settling in Devon. When I +had read a little in these pages, I saw that they were no mere +record of day-to-day life; evidently finding himself unable to +forego altogether the use of the pen, the veteran had set down, as +humour bade him, a thought, a reminiscence, a bit of reverie, a +description of his state of mind, and so on, dating such passage +merely with the month in which it was written. Sitting in the room +where I had often been his companion, I turned page after page, and +at moments it was as though my friend's voice sounded to me once +more. I saw his worn visage, grave or smiling; recalled his +familiar pose or gesture. But in this written gossip he revealed +himself more intimately than in our conversation of the days gone +by. Ryecroft had never erred by lack of reticence; as was natural +in a sensitive man who had suffered much, he inclined to gentle +acquiescence, shrank from argument, from self-assertion. Here he +spoke to me without restraint, and, when I had read it all through, +I knew the man better than before. + +Assuredly, this writing was not intended for the public, and yet, in +many a passage, I seemed to perceive the literary purpose--something +more than the turn of phrase, and so on, which results from long +habit of composition. Certain of his reminiscences, in particular, +Ryecroft could hardly have troubled to write down had he not, +however vaguely, entertained the thought of putting them to some +use. I suspect that, in his happy leisure, there grew upon him a +desire to write one more book, a book which should be written merely +for his own satisfaction. Plainly, it would have been the best he +had it in him to do. But he seems never to have attempted the +arrangement of these fragmentary pieces, and probably because he +could not decide upon the form they should take. I imagine him +shrinking from the thought of a first-person volume; he would feel +it too pretentious; he would bid himself wait for the day of riper +wisdom. And so the pen fell from his hand. + +Conjecturing thus, I wondered whether the irregular diary might not +have wider interest than at first appeared. To me, its personal +appeal was very strong; might it not be possible to cull from it the +substance of a small volume which, at least for its sincerity's +sake, would not be without value for those who read, not with the +eye alone, but with the mind? I turned the pages again. Here was a +man who, having his desire, and that a very modest one, not only +felt satisfied, but enjoyed great happiness. He talked of many +different things, saying exactly what he thought; he spoke of +himself, and told the truth as far as mortal can tell it. It seemed +to me that the thing had human interest. I decided to print. + +The question of arrangement had to be considered; I did not like to +offer a mere incondite miscellany. To supply each of the +disconnected passages with a title, or even to group them under +subject headings, would have interfered with the spontaneity which, +above all, I wished to preserve. In reading through the matter I +had selected, it struck me how often the aspects of nature were +referred to, and how suitable many of the reflections were to the +month with which they were dated. Ryecroft, I knew, had ever been +much influenced by the mood of the sky, and by the procession of the +year. So I hit upon the thought of dividing the little book into +four chapters, named after the seasons. Like all classifications, +it is imperfect, but 'twill serve. + +G. G. + + + +SPRING + + + +I + + +For more than a week my pen has lain untouched. I have written +nothing for seven whole days, not even a letter. Except during one +or two bouts of illness, such a thing never happened in my life +before. In my life; the life, that is, which had to be supported by +anxious toil; the life which was not lived for living's sake, as all +life should be, but under the goad of fear. The earning of money +should be a means to an end; for more than thirty years--I began to +support myself at sixteen--I had to regard it as the end itself. + +I could imagine that my old penholder feels reproachfully towards +me. Has it not served me well? Why do I, in my happiness, let it +lie there neglected, gathering dust? The same penholder that has +lain against my forefinger day after day, for--how many years? +Twenty, at least; I remember buying it at a shop in Tottenham Court +Road. By the same token I bought that day a paper-weight, which +cost me a whole shilling--an extravagance which made me tremble. +The penholder shone with its new varnish, now it is plain brown wood +from end to end. On my forefinger it has made a callosity. + +Old companion, yet old enemy! How many a time have I taken it up, +loathing the necessity, heavy in head and heart, my hand shaking, my +eyes sick-dazzled! How I dreaded the white page I had to foul with +ink! Above all, on days such as this, when the blue eyes of Spring +laughed from between rosy clouds, when the sunlight shimmered upon +my table and made me long, long all but to madness, for the scent of +the flowering earth, for the green of hillside larches, for the +singing of the skylark above the downs. There was a time--it seems +further away than childhood--when I took up my pen with eagerness; +if my hand trembled it was with hope. But a hope that fooled me, +for never a page of my writing deserved to live. I can say that now +without bitterness. It was youthful error, and only the force of +circumstance prolonged it. The world has done me no injustice; +thank Heaven I have grown wise enough not to rail at it for this! +And why should any man who writes, even if he write things immortal, +nurse anger at the world's neglect? Who asked him to publish? Who +promised him a hearing? Who has broken faith with him? If my +shoemaker turn me out an excellent pair of boots, and I, in some +mood of cantankerous unreason, throw them back upon his hands, the +man has just cause of complaint. But your poem, your novel, who +bargained with you for it? If it is honest journeywork, yet lacks +purchasers, at most you may call yourself a hapless tradesman. If +it come from on high, with what decency do you fret and fume because +it is not paid for in heavy cash? For the work of man's mind there +is one test, and one alone, the judgment of generations yet unborn. +If you have written a great book, the world to come will know of it. +But you don't care for posthumous glory. You want to enjoy fame in +a comfortable armchair. Ah, that is quite another thing. Have the +courage of your desire. Admit yourself a merchant, and protest to +gods and men that the merchandise you offer is of better quality +than much which sells for a high price. You may be right, and +indeed it is hard upon you that Fashion does not turn to your stall. + + +II + + +The exquisite quiet of this room! I have been sitting in utter +idleness, watching the sky, viewing the shape of golden sunlight +upon the carpet, which changes as the minutes pass, letting my eye +wander from one framed print to another, and along the ranks of my +beloved books. Within the house nothing stirs. In the garden I can +hear singing of birds, I can hear the rustle of their wings. And +thus, if it please me, I may sit all day long, and into the +profounder quiet of the night. + +My house is perfect. By great good fortune I have found a +housekeeper no less to my mind, a low-voiced, light-footed woman of +discreet age, strong and deft enough to render me all the service I +require, and not afraid of solitude. She rises very early. By my +breakfast-time there remains little to be done under the roof save +dressing of meals. Very rarely do I hear even a clink of crockery; +never the closing of a door or window. Oh, blessed silence! + +There is not the remotest possibility of any one's calling upon me, +and that I should call upon any one else is a thing undreamt of. I +owe a letter to a friend; perhaps I shall write it before bedtime; +perhaps I shall leave it till to-morrow morning. A letter of +friendship should never be written save when the spirit prompts. I +have not yet looked at the newspaper. Generally I leave it till I +come back tired from my walk; it amuses me then to see what the +noisy world is doing, what new self-torments men have discovered, +what new forms of vain toil, what new occasions of peril and of +strife. I grudge to give the first freshness of the morning mind to +things so sad and foolish. + +My house is perfect. Just large enough to allow the grace of order +in domestic circumstance; just that superfluity of intramural space, +to lack which is to be less than at one's ease. The fabric is +sound; the work in wood and plaster tells of a more leisurely and a +more honest age than ours. The stairs do not creak under my step; I +am waylaid by no unkindly draught; I can open or close a window +without muscle-ache. As to such trifles as the tint and device of +wall-paper, I confess my indifference; be the walls only +unobtrusive, and I am satisfied. The first thing in one's home is +comfort; let beauty of detail be added if one has the means, the +patience, the eye. + +To me, this little book-room is beautiful, and chiefly because it is +home. Through the greater part of life I was homeless. Many places +have I inhabited, some which my soul loathed, and some which pleased +me well; but never till now with that sense of security which makes +a home. At any moment I might have been driven forth by evil hap, +by nagging necessity. For all that time did I say within myself: +Some day, perchance, I shall have a home; yet the "perchance" had +more and more of emphasis as life went on, and at the moment when +fate was secretly smiling on me, I had all but abandoned hope. I +have my home at last. When I place a new volume on my shelves, I +say: Stand there whilst I have eyes to see you; and a joyous tremor +thrills me. This house is mine on a lease of a score of years. So +long I certainly shall not live; but, if I did, even so long should +I have the wherewithal to pay my rent and buy my food. + +I think with compassion of the unhappy mortals for whom no such sun +will ever rise. I should like to add to the Litany a new petition: +"For all inhabitants of great towns, and especially for all such as +dwell in lodgings, boarding-houses, flats, or any other sordid +substitute for Home which need or foolishness may have contrived." + +In vain I have pondered the Stoic virtues. I know that it is folly +to fret about the spot of one's abode on this little earth. + + +All places that the eye of heaven visits +Are to the wise man ports and happy havens. + + +But I have always worshipped wisdom afar off. In the sonorous +period of the philosopher, in the golden measure of the poet, I find +it of all things lovely. To its possession I shall never attain. +What will it serve me to pretend a virtue of which I am incapable? +To me the place and manner of my abode is of supreme import; let it +be confessed, and there an end of it. I am no cosmopolite. Were I +to think that I should die away from England, the thought would be +dreadful to me. And in England, this is the dwelling of my choice; +this is my home. + + +III + + +I am no botanist, but I have long found pleasure in herb-gathering. +I love to come upon a plant which is unknown to me, to identify it +with the help of my book, to greet it by name when next it shines +beside my path. If the plant be rare, its discovery gives me joy. +Nature, the great Artist, makes her common flowers in the common +view; no word in human language can express the marvel and the +loveliness even of what we call the vulgarest weed, but these are +fashioned under the gaze of every passer-by. The rare flower is +shaped apart, in places secret, in the Artist's subtler mood; to +find it is to enjoy the sense of admission to a holier precinct. +Even in my gladness I am awed. + +To-day I have walked far, and at the end of my walk I found the +little white-flowered wood-ruff. It grew in a copse of young ash. +When I had looked long at the flower, I delighted myself with the +grace of the slim trees about it--their shining smoothness, their +olive hue. Hard by stood a bush of wych elm; its tettered bark, +overlined as if with the character of some unknown tongue, made the +young ashes yet more beautiful. + +It matters not how long I wander. There is no task to bring me +back; no one will be vexed or uneasy, linger I ever so late. Spring +is shining upon these lanes and meadows; I feel as if I must follow +every winding track that opens by my way. Spring has restored to me +something of the long-forgotten vigour of youth; I walk without +weariness; I sing to myself like a boy, and the song is one I knew +in boyhood. + +That reminds me of an incident. Near a hamlet, in a lonely spot by +a woodside, I came upon a little lad of perhaps ten years old, who, +his head hidden in his arms against a tree trunk, was crying +bitterly. I asked him what was the matter, and, after a little +trouble--he was better than a mere bumpkin--I learnt that, having +been sent with sixpence to pay a debt, he had lost the money. The +poor little fellow was in a state of mind which in a grave man would +be called the anguish of despair; he must have been crying for a +long time; every muscle in his face quivered as if under torture, +his limbs shook; his eyes, his voice, uttered such misery as only +the vilest criminal should be made to suffer. And it was because he +had lost sixpence! + +I could have shed tears with him--tears of pity and of rage at all +this spectacle implied. On a day of indescribable glory, when earth +and heaven shed benedictions upon the soul of man, a child, whose +nature would have bidden him rejoice as only childhood may, wept his +heart out because his hand had dropped a sixpenny piece! The loss +was a very serious one, and he knew it; he was less afraid to face +his parents, than overcome by misery at the thought of the harm he +had done them. Sixpence dropped by the wayside, and a whole family +made wretched! What are the due descriptive terms for a state of +"civilization" in which such a thing as this is possible? + +I put my hand into my pocket, and wrought sixpennyworth of miracle. + +It took me half an hour to recover my quiet mind. After all, it is +as idle to rage against man's fatuity as to hope that he will ever +be less a fool. For me, the great thing was my sixpenny miracle. +Why, I have known the day when it would have been beyond my power +altogether, or else would have cost me a meal. Wherefore, let me +again be glad and thankful. + + +IV + + +There was a time in my life when, if I had suddenly been set in the +position I now enjoy, conscience would have lain in ambush for me. +What! An income sufficient to support three or four working-class +families--a house all to myself--things beautiful wherever I turn-- +and absolutely nothing to do for it all! I should have been hard +put to it to defend myself. In those days I was feelingly reminded, +hour by hour, with what a struggle the obscure multitudes manage to +keep alive. Nobody knows better than I do quam parvo liceat +producere vitam. I have hungered in the streets; I have laid my +head in the poorest shelter; I know what it is to feel the heart +burn with wrath and envy of "the privileged classes." Yes, but all +that time I was one of "the privileged" myself, and now I can accept +a recognized standing among them without shadow of self-reproach. + +It does not mean that my larger sympathies are blunted. By going to +certain places, looking upon certain scenes, I could most +effectually destroy all the calm that life has brought me. If I +hold apart and purposely refuse to look that way, it is because I +believe that the world is better, not worse, for having one more +inhabitant who lives as becomes a civilized being. Let him whose +soul prompts him to assail the iniquity of things, cry and spare +not; let him who has the vocation go forth and combat. In me it +would be to err from Nature's guidance. I know, if I know anything, +that I am made for the life of tranquillity and meditation. I know +that only thus can such virtue as I possess find scope. More than +half a century of existence has taught me that most of the wrong and +folly which darken earth is due to those who cannot possess their +souls in quiet; that most of the good which saves mankind from +destruction comes of life that is led in thoughtful stillness. +Every day the world grows noisier; I, for one, will have no part in +that increasing clamour, and, were it only by my silence, I confer a +boon on all. + +How well would the revenues of a country be expended, if, by mere +pensioning, one-fifth of its population could be induced to live as +I do! + + +V + + +"Sir," said Johnson, "all the arguments which are brought to +represent poverty as no evil, show it to be evidently a great evil. +You never find people labouring to convince you that you may live +very happily upon a plentiful fortune." + +He knew what he was talking of, that rugged old master of common +sense. Poverty is of course a relative thing; the term has +reference, above all, to one's standing as an intellectual being. +If I am to believe the newspapers, there are title-bearing men and +women in England who, had they an assured income of five-and-twenty, +shillings per week, would have no right to call themselves poor, for +their intellectual needs are those of a stable-boy or scullery +wench. Give me the same income and I can live, but I am poor +indeed. + +You tell me that money cannot buy the things most precious. Your +commonplace proves that you have never known the lack of it. When I +think of all the sorrow and the barrenness that has been wrought in +my life by want of a few more pounds per annum than I was able to +earn, I stand aghast at money's significance. What kindly joys have +I lost, those simple forms of happiness to which every heart has +claim, because of poverty! Meetings with those I loved made +impossible year after year; sadness, misunderstanding, nay, cruel +alienation, arising from inability to do the things I wished, and +which I might have done had a little money helped me; endless +instances of homely pleasure and contentment curtailed or forbidden +by narrow means. I have lost friends merely through the constraints +of my position; friends I might have made have remained strangers to +me; solitude of the bitter kind, the solitude which is enforced at +times when mind or heart longs for companionship, often cursed my +life solely because I was poor. I think it would scarce be an +exaggeration to say that there is no moral good which has not to be +paid for in coin of the realm. + +"Poverty," said Johnson again, "is so great an evil, and pregnant +with so much temptation, so much misery, that I cannot but earnestly +enjoin you to avoid it." + +For my own part, I needed no injunction to that effort of avoidance. +Many a London garret knows how I struggled with the unwelcome +chamber-fellow. I marvel she did not abide with me to the end; it +is a sort of inconsequence in Nature, and sometimes makes me vaguely +uneasy through nights of broken sleep. + + +VI + + +How many more springs can I hope to see? A sanguine temper would +say ten or twelve; let me dare to hope humbly for five or six. That +is a great many. Five or six spring-times, welcomed joyously, +lovingly watched from the first celandine to the budding of the +rose; who shall dare to call it a stinted boon? Five or six times +the miracle of earth reclad, the vision of splendour and loveliness +which tongue has never yet described, set before my gazing. To +think of it is to fear that I ask too much. + + +VII + + +"Homo animal querulum cupide suis incumbens miseriis." I wonder +where that comes from. I found it once in Charron, quoted without +reference, and it has often been in my mind--a dreary truth, well +worded. At least, it was a truth for me during many a long year. +Life, I fancy, would very often be insupportable, but for the luxury +of self-compassion; in cases numberless, this it must be that saves +from suicide. For some there is great relief in talking about their +miseries, but such gossips lack the profound solace of misery nursed +in silent brooding. Happily, the trick with me has never been +retrospective; indeed, it was never, even with regard to instant +suffering, a habit so deeply rooted as to become a mastering vice. +I knew my own weakness when I yielded to it; I despised myself when +it brought me comfort; I could laugh scornfully, even "cupide meis +incumbens miseriis." And now, thanks be to the unknown power which +rules us, my past has buried its dead. More than that; I can accept +with sober cheerfulness the necessity of all I lived through. So it +was to be; so it was. For this did Nature shape me; with what +purpose, I shall never know; but, in the sequence of things eternal, +this was my place. + +Could I have achieved so much philosophy if, as I ever feared, the +closing years of my life had passed in helpless indigence? Should I +not have sunk into lowest depths of querulous self-pity, grovelling +there with eyes obstinately averted from the light above? + + +VIII + + +The early coming of spring in this happy Devon gladdens my heart. I +think with chill discomfort of those parts of England where the +primrose shivers beneath a sky of threat rather than of solace. +Honest winter, snow-clad and with the frosted beard, I can welcome +not uncordially; but that long deferment of the calendar's promise, +that weeping gloom of March and April, that bitter blast outraging +the honour of May--how often has it robbed me of heart and hope. +Here, scarce have I assured myself that the last leaf has fallen, +scarce have I watched the glistening of hoar-frost upon the +evergreens, when a breath from the west thrills me with anticipation +of bud and bloom. Even under this grey-billowing sky, which tells +that February is still in rule:- + + +Mild winds shake the elder brake, +And the wandering herdsmen know +That the whitethorn soon will blow. + + +I have been thinking of those early years of mine in London, when +the seasons passed over me unobserved, when I seldom turned a glance +towards the heavens, and felt no hardship in the imprisonment of +boundless streets. It is strange now to remember that for some six +or seven years I never looked upon a meadow, never travelled even so +far as to the tree-bordered suburbs. I was battling for dear life; +on most days I could not feel certain that in a week's time I should +have food and shelter. It would happen, to be sure, that in hot +noons of August my thoughts wandered to the sea; but so impossible +was the gratification of such desire that it never greatly troubled +me. At times, indeed, I seem all but to have forgotten that people +went away for holiday. In those poor parts of the town where I +dwelt, season made no perceptible difference; there were no luggage- +laden cabs to remind me of joyous journeys; the folk about me went +daily to their toil as usual, and so did I. I remember afternoons +of languor, when books were a weariness, and no thought could be +squeezed out of the drowsy brain; then would I betake myself to one +of the parks, and find refreshment without any enjoyable sense of +change. Heavens, how I laboured in those days! And how far I was +from thinking of myself as a subject for compassion! That came +later, when my health had begun to suffer from excess of toil, from +bad air, bad food and many miseries; then awoke the maddening desire +for countryside and sea-beach--and for other things yet more remote. +But in the years when I toiled hardest and underwent what now appear +to me hideous privations, of a truth I could not be said to suffer +at all. I did not suffer, for I had no sense of weakness. My +health was proof against everything, and my energies defied all +malice of circumstance. With however little encouragement, I had +infinite hope. Sound sleep (often in places I now dread to think +of) sent me fresh to the battle each morning, my breakfast, +sometimes, no more than a slice of bread and a cup of water. As +human happiness goes, I am not sure that I was not then happy. + +Most men who go through a hard time in their youth are supported by +companionship. London has no pays latin, but hungry beginners in +literature have generally their suitable comrades, garreteers in the +Tottenham Court Road district, or in unredeemed Chelsea; they make +their little vie de Boheme, and are consciously proud of it. Of my +position, the peculiarity was that I never belonged to any cluster; +I shrank from casual acquaintance, and, through the grim years, had +but one friend with whom I held converse. It was never my instinct +to look for help, to seek favour for advancement; whatever step I +gained was gained by my own strength. Even as I disregarded favour +so did I scorn advice; no counsel would I ever take but that of my +own brain and heart. More than once I was driven by necessity to +beg from strangers the means of earning bread, and this of all my +experiences was the bitterest; yet I think I should have found it +worse still to incur a debt to some friend or comrade. The truth is +that I have never learnt to regard myself as a "member of society." +For me, there have always been two entities--myself and the world, +and the normal relation between these two has been hostile. Am I +not still a lonely man, as far as ever from forming part of the +social order? + +This, of which I once was scornfully proud, seems to me now, if not +a calamity, something I would not choose if life were to live again. + + +IX + + +For more than six years I trod the pavement, never stepping once +upon mother earth--for the parks are but pavement disguised with a +growth of grass. Then the worst was over. Say I the worst? No, +no; things far worse were to come; the struggle against starvation +has its cheery side when one is young and vigorous. But at all +events I had begun to earn a living; I held assurance of food and +clothing for half a year at a time; granted health, I might hope to +draw my not insufficient wages for many a twelvemonth. And they +were the wages of work done independently, when and where I would. +I thought with horror of lives spent in an office, with an employer +to obey. The glory of the career of letters was its freedom, its +dignity! + +The fact of the matter was, of course, that I served, not one +master, but a whole crowd of them. Independence, forsooth! If my +writing failed to please editor, publisher, public, where was my +daily bread? The greater my success, the more numerous my +employers. I was the slave of a multitude. By heaven's grace I had +succeeded in pleasing (that is to say, in making myself a source of +profit to) certain persons who represented this vague throng; for +the time, they were gracious to me; but what justified me in the +faith that I should hold the ground I had gained? Could the +position of any toiling man be more precarious than mine? I tremble +now as I think of it, tremble as I should in watching some one who +walked carelessly on the edge of an abyss. I marvel at the +recollection that for a good score of years this pen and a scrap of +paper clothed and fed me and my household, kept me in physical +comfort, held at bay all those hostile forces of the world ranged +against one who has no resource save in his own right hand. + +But I was thinking of the year which saw my first exodus from +London. On an irresistible impulse, I suddenly made up my mind to +go into Devon, a part of England I had never seen. At the end of +March I escaped from my grim lodgings, and, before I had time to +reflect on the details of my undertaking, I found myself sitting in +sunshine at a spot very near to where I now dwell--before me the +green valley of the broadening Exe and the pine-clad ridge of +Haldon. That was one of the moments of my life when I have tasted +exquisite joy. My state of mind was very strange. Though as boy +and youth I had been familiar with the country, had seen much of +England's beauties, it was as though I found myself for the first +time before a natural landscape. Those years of London had obscured +all my earlier life; I was like a man town-born and bred, who scarce +knows anything but street vistas. The light, the air, had for me +something of the supernatural--affected me, indeed, only less than +at a later time did the atmosphere of Italy. It was glorious spring +weather; a few white clouds floated amid the blue, and the earth had +an intoxicating fragrance. Then first did I know myself for a sun- +worshipper. How had I lived so long without asking whether there +was a sun in the heavens or not? Under that radiant firmament, I +could have thrown myself upon my knees in adoration. As I walked, I +found myself avoiding every strip of shadow; were it but that of a +birch trunk, I felt as if it robbed me of the day's delight. I went +bare-headed, that the golden beams might shed upon me their +unstinted blessing. That day I must have walked some thirty miles, +yet I knew not fatigue. Could I but have once more the strength +which then supported me! + +I had stepped into a new life. Between the man I had been and that +which I now became there was a very notable difference. In a single +day I had matured astonishingly; which means, no doubt, that I +suddenly entered into conscious enjoyment of powers and +sensibilities which had been developing unknown to me. To instance +only one point: till then I had cared very little about plants and +flowers, but now I found myself eagerly interested in every blossom, +in every growth of the wayside. As I walked I gathered a quantity +of plants, promising myself to buy a book on the morrow and identify +them all. Nor was it a passing humour; never since have I lost my +pleasure in the flowers of the field, and my desire to know them +all. My ignorance at the time of which I speak seems to me now very +shameful; but I was merely in the case of ordinary people, whether +living in town or country. How many could give the familiar name of +half a dozen plants plucked at random from beneath the hedge in +springtime? To me the flowers became symbolical of a great release, +of a wonderful awakening. My eyes had all at once been opened; till +then I had walked in darkness, yet knew it not. + +Well do I remember the rambles of that springtide. I had a lodging +in one of those outer streets of Exeter which savour more of country +than of town, and every morning I set forth to make discoveries. +The weather could not have been more kindly; I felt the influences +of a climate I had never known; there was a balm in the air which +soothed no less than it exhilarated me. Now inland, now seaward, I +followed the windings of the Exe. One day I wandered in rich, warm +valleys, by orchards bursting into bloom, from farmhouse to +farmhouse, each more beautiful than the other, and from hamlet to +hamlet bowered amid dark evergreens; the next, I was on pine-clad +heights, gazing over moorland brown with last year's heather, +feeling upon my face a wind from the white-flecked Channel. So +intense was my delight in the beautiful world about me that I forgot +even myself; I enjoyed without retrospect or forecast; I, the egoist +in grain, forgot to scrutinize my own emotions, or to trouble my +happiness by comparison with others' happier fortune. It was a +healthful time; it gave me a new lease of life, and taught me--in so +far as I was teachable--how to make use of it. + + +X + + +Mentally and physically, I must be much older than my years. At +three-and-fifty a man ought not to be brooding constantly on his +vanished youth. These days of spring which I should be enjoying for +their own sake, do but turn me to reminiscence, and my memories are +of the springs that were lost. + +Some day I will go to London and revisit all the places where I +housed in the time of my greatest poverty. I have not seen them for +a quarter of a century or so. Not long ago, had any one asked me +how I felt about these memories, I should have said that there were +certain street names, certain mental images of obscure London, which +made me wretched as often as they came before me; but, in truth, it +is a very long time since I was moved to any sort of bitterness by +that retrospect of things hard and squalid. Now, owning all the +misery of it in comparison with what should have been, I find that +part of life interesting and pleasant to look back upon--greatly +more so than many subsequent times, when I lived amid decencies and +had enough to eat. Some day I will go to London, and spend a day or +two amid the dear old horrors. Some of the places, I know, have +disappeared. I see the winding way by which I went from Oxford +Street, at the foot of Tottenham Court Road, to Leicester Square, +and, somewhere in the labyrinth (I think of it as always foggy and +gas-lit) was a shop which had pies and puddings in the window, +puddings and pies kept hot by steam rising through perforated metal. +How many a time have I stood there, raging with hunger, unable to +purchase even one pennyworth of food! The shop and the street have +long since vanished; does any man remember them so feelingly as I? +But I think most of my haunts are still in existence: to tread +again those pavements, to look at those grimy doorways and purblind +windows, would affect me strangely. + +I see that alley hidden on the west side of Tottenham Court Road, +where, after living in a back bedroom on the top floor, I had to +exchange for the front cellar; there was a difference, if I remember +rightly, of sixpence a week, and sixpence, in those days, was a very +great consideration--why, it meant a couple of meals. (I once FOUND +sixpence in the street, and had an exultation which is vivid in me +at this moment.) The front cellar was stone-floored; its furniture +was a table, a chair, a wash-stand, and a bed; the window, which of +course had never been cleaned since it was put in, received light +through a flat grating in the alley above. Here I lived; here I +WROTE. Yes, "literary work" was done at that filthy deal table, on +which, by the bye, lay my Homer, my Shakespeare, and the few other +books I then possessed. At night, as I lay in bed, I used to hear +the tramp, tramp of a posse of policemen who passed along the alley +on their way to relieve guard; their heavy feet sometimes sounded on +the grating above my window. + +I recall a tragi-comical incident of life at the British Museum. +Once, on going down into the lavatory to wash my hands, I became +aware of a notice newly set up above the row of basins. It ran +somehow thus: "Readers are requested to bear in mind that these +basins are to be used only for casual ablutions." Oh, the +significance of that inscription! Had I not myself, more than once, +been glad to use this soap and water more largely than the sense of +the authorities contemplated? And there were poor fellows working +under the great dome whose need, in this respect, was greater than +mine. I laughed heartily at the notice, but it meant so much. + +Some of my abodes I have utterly forgotten; for one reason or +another, I was always moving--an easy matter when all my possessions +lay in one small trunk. Sometimes the people of the house were +intolerable. In those days I was not fastidious, and I seldom had +any but the slightest intercourse with those who dwelt under the +same roof, yet it happened now and then that I was driven away by +human proximity which passed my endurance. In other cases I had to +flee from pestilential conditions. How I escaped mortal illness in +some of those places (miserably fed as I always was, and always +over-working myself) is a great mystery. The worst that befell me +was a slight attack of diphtheria--traceable, I imagine, to the +existence of a dust-bin UNDER THE STAIRCASE. When I spoke of the +matter to my landlady, she was at first astonished, then wrathful, +and my departure was expedited with many insults. + +On the whole, however, I had nothing much to complain of except my +poverty. You cannot expect great comfort in London for four-and- +sixpence a week--the most I ever could pay for a "furnished room +with attendance" in those days of pretty stern apprenticeship. And +I was easily satisfied; I wanted only a little walled space in which +I could seclude myself, free from external annoyance. Certain +comforts of civilized life I ceased even to regret; a stair-carpet I +regarded as rather extravagant, and a carpet on the floor of my room +was luxury undreamt of. My sleep was sound; I have passed nights of +dreamless repose on beds which it would now make my bones ache only +to look at. A door that locked, a fire in winter, a pipe of +tobacco--these were things essential; and, granted these, I have +been often richly contented in the squalidest garret. One such +lodging is often in my memory; it was at Islington, not far from the +City Road; my window looked upon the Regent's Canal. As often as I +think of it, I recall what was perhaps the worst London fog I ever +knew; for three successive days, at least, my lamp had to be kept +burning; when I looked through the window, I saw, at moments, a few +blurred lights in the street beyond the Canal, but for the most part +nothing but a yellowish darkness, which caused the glass to reflect +the firelight and my own face. Did I feel miserable? Not a bit of +it. The enveloping gloom seemed to make my chimney-corner only the +more cosy. I had coals, oil, tobacco in sufficient quantity; I had +a book to read; I had work which interested me; so I went forth only +to get my meals at a City Road coffee-shop, and hastened back to the +fireside. Oh, my ambitions, my hopes! How surprised and indignant +I should have felt had I known of any one who pitied me! + +Nature took revenge now and then. In winter time I had fierce sore +throats, sometimes accompanied by long and savage headaches. +Doctoring, of course, never occurred to me; I just locked my door, +and, if I felt very bad indeed, went to bed--to lie there, without +food or drink, till I was able to look after myself again. I could +never ask from a landlady anything which was not in our bond, and +only once or twice did I receive spontaneous offer of help. Oh, it +is wonderful to think of all that youth can endure! What a poor +feeble wretch I now seem to myself, when I remember thirty years +ago! + + +XI + + +Would I live it over again, that life of the garret and the cellar? +Not with the assurance of fifty years' contentment such as I now +enjoy to follow upon it! With man's infinitely pathetic power of +resignation, one sees the thing on its better side, forgets all the +worst of it, makes out a case for the resolute optimist. Oh, but +the waste of energy, of zeal, of youth! In another mood, I could +shed tears over that spectacle of rare vitality condemned to sordid +strife. The pity of it! And--if our conscience mean anything at +all--the bitter wrong! + +Without seeking for Utopia, think what a man's youth might be. I +suppose not one in every thousand uses half the possibilities of +natural joy and delightful effort which lie in those years between +seventeen and seven-and-twenty. All but all men have to look back +upon beginnings of life deformed and discoloured by necessity, +accident, wantonness. If a young man avoid the grosser pitfalls, if +he keep his eye fixed steadily on what is called the main chance, +if, without flagrant selfishness, he prudently subdue every interest +to his own (by "interest" understanding only material good), he is +putting his youth to profit, he is an exemplar and a subject of +pride. I doubt whether, in our civilization, any other ideal is +easy of pursuit by the youngster face to face with life. It is the +only course altogether safe. Yet compare it with what might be, if +men respected manhood, if human reason were at the service of human +happiness. Some few there are who can look back upon a boyhood of +natural delights, followed by a decade or so of fine energies +honourably put to use, blended therewith, perhaps, a memory of joy +so exquisite that it tunes all life unto the end; they are almost as +rare as poets. The vast majority think not of their youth at all, +or, glancing backward, are unconscious of lost opportunity, unaware +of degradation suffered. Only by contrast with this thick-witted +multitude can I pride myself upon my youth of endurance and of +combat. I had a goal before me, and not the goal of the average +man. Even when pinched with hunger, I did not abandon my purposes, +which were of the mind. But contrast that starved lad in his slum +lodging with any fair conception of intelligent and zealous youth, +and one feels that a dose of swift poison would have been the right +remedy for such squalid ills. + + +XII + + +As often as I survey my bookshelves I am reminded of Lamb's "ragged +veterans." Not that all my volumes came from the second-hand stall; +many of them were neat enough in new covers, some were even stately +in fragrant bindings, when they passed into my hands. But so often +have I removed, so rough has been the treatment of my little library +at each change of place, and, to tell the truth, so little care have +I given to its well-being at normal times (for in all practical +matters I am idle and inept), that even the comeliest of my books +show the results of unfair usage. More than one has been foully +injured by a great nail driven into a packing-case--this but the +extreme instance of the wrongs they have undergone. Now that I have +leisure and peace of mind, I find myself growing more careful--an +illustration of the great truth that virtue is made easy by +circumstance. But I confess that, so long as a volume hold +together, I am not much troubled as to its outer appearance. + +I know men who say they had as lief read any book in a library copy +as in one from their own shelf. To me that is unintelligible. For +one thing, I know every book of mine by its SCENT, and I have but to +put my nose between the pages to be reminded of all sorts of things. +My Gibbon, for example, my well-bound eight-volume Milman edition, +which I have read and read and read again for more than thirty +years--never do I open it but the scent of the noble page restores +to me all the exultant happiness of that moment when I received it +as a prize. Or my Shakespeare, the great Cambridge Shakespeare--it +has an odour which carries me yet further back in life; for these +volumes belonged to my father, and before I was old enough to read +them with understanding, it was often permitted me, as a treat, to +take down one of them from the bookcase, and reverently to turn the +leaves. The volumes smell exactly as they did in that old time, and +what a strange tenderness comes upon me when I hold one of them in +hand. For that reason I do not often read Shakespeare in this +edition. My eyes being good as ever, I take the Globe volume, which +I bought in days when such a purchase was something more than an +extravagance; wherefore I regard the book with that peculiar +affection which results from sacrifice. + +Sacrifice--in no drawing-room sense of the word. Dozens of my books +were purchased with money which ought to have been spent upon what +are called the necessaries of life. Many a time I have stood before +a stall, or a bookseller's window, torn by conflict of intellectual +desire and bodily need. At the very hour of dinner, when my stomach +clamoured for food, I have been stopped by sight of a volume so long +coveted, and marked at so advantageous a price, that I COULD not let +it go; yet to buy it meant pangs of famine. My Heyne's Tibullus was +grasped at such a moment. It lay on the stall of the old book-shop +in Goodge Street--a stall where now and then one found an excellent +thing among quantities of rubbish. Sixpence was the price-- +sixpence! At that time I used to eat my midday meal (of course my +dinner) at a coffee-shop in Oxford Street, one of the real old +coffee-shops, such as now, I suppose, can hardly be found. Sixpence +was all I had--yes, all I had in the world; it would purchase a +plate of meat and vegetables. But I did not dare to hope that the +Tibullus would wait until the morrow, when a certain small sum fell +due to me. I paced the pavement, fingering the coppers in my +pocket, eyeing the stall, two appetites at combat within me. The +book was bought and I went home with it, and as I made a dinner of +bread and butter I gloated over the pages. + +In this Tibullus I found pencilled on the last page: "Perlegi, Oct. +4, 1792." Who was that possessor of the book, nearly a hundred +years ago? There was no other inscription. I like to imagine some +poor scholar, poor and eager as I myself, who bought the volume with +drops of his blood, and enjoyed the reading of it even as I did. +How much THAT was I could not easily say. Gentle-hearted Tibullus!- +-of whom there remains to us a poet's portrait more delightful, I +think, than anything of the kind in Roman literature. + + +An tacitum silvas inter reptare salubres, +Curantem quidquid dignum sapiente bonoque est? + + +So with many another book on the thronged shelves. To take them +down is to recall, how vividly, a struggle and a triumph. In those +days money represented nothing to me, nothing I cared to think +about, but the acquisition of books. There were books of which I +had passionate need, books more necessary to me than bodily +nourishment. I could see them, of course, at the British Museum, +but that was not at all the same thing as having and holding them, +my own property, on my own shelf. Now and then I have bought a +volume of the raggedest and wretchedest aspect, dishonoured with +foolish scribbling, torn, blotted--no matter, I liked better to read +out of that than out of a copy that was not mine. But I was guilty +at times of mere self-indulgence; a book tempted me, a book which +was not one of those for which I really craved, a luxury which +prudence might bid me forego. As, for instance, my Jung-Stilling. +It caught my eye in Holywell Street; the name was familiar to me in +Wahrheit und Dichtung, and curiosity grew as I glanced over the +pages. But that day I resisted; in truth, I could not afford the +eighteen-pence, which means that just then I was poor indeed. Twice +again did I pass, each time assuring myself that Jung-Stilling had +found no purchaser. There came a day when I was in funds. I see +myself hastening to Holywell Street (in those days my habitual pace +was five miles an hour), I see the little grey old man with whom I +transacted my business--what was his name?--the bookseller who had +been, I believe, a Catholic priest, and still had a certain priestly +dignity about him. He took the volume, opened it, mused for a +moment, then, with a glance at me, said, as if thinking aloud: +"Yes, I wish I had time to read it." + +Sometimes I added the labour of a porter to my fasting endured for +the sake of books. At the little shop near Portland Road Station I +came upon a first edition of Gibbon, the price an absurdity--I think +it was a shilling a volume. To possess those clean-paged quartos I +would have sold my coat. As it happened, I had not money enough +with me, but sufficient at home. I was living at Islington. Having +spoken with the bookseller, I walked home, took the cash, walked +back again, and--carried the tomes from the west end of Euston Road +to a street in Islington far beyond the Angel. I did it in two +journeys--this being the only time in my life when I thought of +Gibbon in avoirdupois. Twice--three times, reckoning the walk for +the money--did I descend Euston Road and climb Pentonville on that +occasion. Of the season and the weather I have no recollection; my +joy in the purchase I had made drove out every other thought. +Except, indeed, of the weight. I had infinite energy, but not much +muscular strength, and the end of the last journey saw me upon a +chair, perspiring, flaccid, aching--exultant! + +The well-to-do person would hear this story with astonishment. Why +did I not get the bookseller to send me the volumes? Or, if I could +not wait, was there no omnibus along that London highway? How could +I make the well-to-do person understand that I did not feel able to +afford, that day, one penny more than I had spent on the book? No, +no, such labour-saving expenditure did not come within my scope; +whatever I enjoyed I earned it, literally, by the sweat of my brow. +In those days I hardly knew what it was to travel by omnibus. I +have walked London streets for twelve and fifteen hours together +without ever a thought of saving my legs, or my time, by paying for +waftage. Being poor as poor can be, there were certain things I had +to renounce, and this was one of them. + +Years after, I sold my first edition of Gibbon for even less than it +cost me; it went with a great many other fine books in folio and +quarto, which I could not drag about with me in my constant +removals; the man who bought them spoke of them as "tomb-stones." +Why has Gibbon no market value? Often has my heart ached with +regret for those quartos. The joy of reading the Decline and Fall +in that fine type! The page was appropriate to the dignity of the +subject; the mere sight of it tuned one's mind. I suppose I could +easily get another copy now; but it would not be to me what that +other was, with its memory of dust and toil. + + +XIII + + +There must be several men of spirit and experiences akin to mine who +remember that little book-shop opposite Portland Road Station. It +had a peculiar character; the books were of a solid kind--chiefly +theology and classics--and for the most part those old editions +which are called worthless, which have no bibliopolic value, and +have been supplanted for practical use by modern issues. The +bookseller was very much a gentleman, and this singular fact, +together with the extremely low prices at which his volumes were +marked, sometimes inclined me to think that he kept the shop for +mere love of letters. Things in my eyes inestimable I have +purchased there for a few pence, and I don't think I ever gave more +than a shilling for any volume. As I once had the opportunity of +perceiving, a young man fresh from class-rooms could only look with +wondering contempt on the antiquated stuff which it rejoiced me to +gather from that kindly stall, or from the richer shelves within. +My Cicero's Letters for instance: podgy volumes in parchment, with +all the notes of Graevius, Gronovius, and I know not how many other +old scholars. Pooh! Hopelessly out of date. But I could never +feel that. I have a deep affection for Graevius and Gronovius and +the rest, and if I knew as much as they did, I should be well +satisfied to rest under the young man's disdain. The zeal of +learning is never out of date; the example--were there no more-- +burns before one as a sacred fire, for ever unquenchable. In what +modern editor shall I find such love and enthusiasm as glows in the +annotations of old scholars? + +Even the best editions of our day have so much of the mere +schoolbook; you feel so often that the man does not regard his +author as literature, but simply as text. Pedant for pedant, the +old is better than the new. + + +XIV + + +To-day's newspaper contains a yard or so of reading about a spring +horse-race. The sight of it fills me with loathing. It brings to +my mind that placard I saw at a station in Surrey a year or two ago, +advertising certain races in the neighbourhood. Here is the poster, +as I copied it into my note-book: + + +"Engaged by the Executive to ensure order and comfort to the public +attending this meeting:- + +14 detectives (racing), +15 detectives (Scotland Yard), +7 police inspectors, +9 police sergeants, +76 police, and a supernumerary contingent of specially selected men +from the Army Reserve and the Corps of Commissionaires. + +The above force will be employed solely for the purpose of +maintaining order and excluding bad characters, etc. They will have +the assistance also of a strong force of the Surrey Constabulary." + + +I remember, once, when I let fall a remark on the subject of horse- +racing among friends chatting together, I was voted "morose." Is it +really morose to object to public gatherings which their own +promoters declare to be dangerous for all decent folk? Every one +knows that horse-racing is carried on mainly for the delight and +profit of fools, ruffians, and thieves. That intelligent men allow +themselves to take part in the affair, and defend their conduct by +declaring that their presence "maintains the character of a sport +essentially noble," merely shows that intelligence can easily enough +divest itself of sense and decency. + + +XV + + +Midway in my long walk yesterday, I lunched at a wayside inn. On +the table lay a copy of a popular magazine. Glancing over this +miscellany, I found an article, by a woman, on "Lion Hunting," and +in this article I came upon a passage which seemed worth copying. + +"As I woke my husband, the lion--which was then about forty yards +off--charged straight towards us, and with my .303 I hit him full in +the chest, as we afterwards discovered, tearing his windpipe to +pieces and breaking his spine. He charged a second time, and the +next shot hit him through the shoulder, tearing his heart to +ribbons." + +It would interest me to look upon this heroine of gun and pen. She +is presumably quite a young woman; probably, when at home, a +graceful figure in drawing-rooms. I should like to hear her talk, +to exchange thoughts with her. She would give one a very good idea +of the matron of old Rome who had her seat in the amphitheatre. +Many of those ladies, in private life, must have been bright and +gracious, high-bred and full of agreeable sentiment; they talked of +art and of letters; they could drop a tear over Lesbia's sparrow; at +the same time, they were connoisseurs in torn windpipes, shattered +spines and viscera rent open. It is not likely that many of them +would have cared to turn their own hands to butchery, and, for the +matter of that, I must suppose that our Lion Huntress of the popular +magazine is rather an exceptional dame; but no doubt she and the +Roman ladies would get on very well together, finding only a few +superficial differences. The fact that her gory reminiscences are +welcomed by an editor with the popular taste in view is perhaps more +significant than appears either to editor or public. Were this lady +to write a novel (the chances are she will) it would have the true +note of modern vigour. Of course her style has been formed by her +favourite reading; more than probably, her ways of thinking and +feeling owe much to the same source. If not so already, this will +soon, I daresay, be the typical Englishwoman. Certainly, there is +"no nonsense about her." Such women should breed a remarkable race. + +I left the inn in rather a turbid humour. Moving homeward by a new +way, I presently found myself on the side of a little valley, in +which lay a farm and an orchard. The apple trees were in full +bloom, and, as I stood gazing, the sun, which had all that day been +niggard of its beams, burst forth gloriously. For what I then saw, +I have no words; I can but dream of the still loveliness of that +blossomed valley. Near me, a bee was humming; not far away, a +cuckoo called; from the pasture of the farm below came a bleating of +lambs. + + +XVI + + +I am no friend of the people. As a force, by which the tenor of the +time is conditioned, they inspire me with distrust, with fear; as a +visible multitude, they make me shrink aloof, and often move me to +abhorrence. For the greater part of my life, the people signified +to me the London crowd, and no phrase of temperate meaning would +utter my thoughts of them under that aspect. The people as country- +folk are little known to me; such glimpses as I have had of them do +not invite to nearer acquaintance. Every instinct of my being is +anti-democratic, and I dread to think of what our England may become +when Demos rules irresistibly. + +Right or wrong, this is my temper. But he who should argue from it +that I am intolerant of all persons belonging to a lower social rank +than my own would go far astray. Nothing is more rooted in my mind +than the vast distinction between the individual and the class. +Take a man by himself, and there is generally some reason to be +found in him, some disposition for good; mass him with his fellows +in the social organism, and ten to one he becomes a blatant +creature, without a thought of his own, ready for any evil to which +contagion prompts him. It is because nations tend to stupidity and +baseness that mankind moves so slowly; it is because individuals +have a capacity for better things that it moves at all. + +In my youth, looking at this man and that, I marvelled that humanity +had made so little progress. Now, looking at men in the multitude, +I marvel that they have advanced so far. + +Foolishly arrogant as I was, I used to judge the worth of a person +by his intellectual power and attainment. I could see no good where +there was no logic, no charm where there was no learning. Now I +think that one has to distinguish between two forms of intelligence, +that of the brain, and that of the heart, and I have come to regard +the second as by far the more important. I guard myself against +saying that intelligence does not matter; the fool is ever as +noxious as he is wearisome. But assuredly the best people I have +known were saved from folly not by the intellect but by the heart. +They come before me, and I see them greatly ignorant, strongly +prejudiced, capable of the absurdest mis-reasoning; yet their faces +shine with the supreme virtues, kindness, sweetness, modesty, +generosity. Possessing these qualities, they at the same time +understand how to use them; they have the intelligence of the heart. + +This poor woman who labours for me in my house is even such a one. +From the first I thought her an unusually good servant; after three +years of acquaintance, I find her one of the few women I have known +who merit the term of excellent. She can read and write--that is +all. More instruction would, I am sure, have harmed her, for it +would have confused her natural motives, without supplying any clear +ray of mental guidance. She is fulfilling the offices for which she +was born, and that with a grace of contentment, a joy of +conscientiousness, which puts her high among civilized beings. Her +delight is in order and in peace; what greater praise can be given +to any of the children of men? + +The other day she told me a story of the days gone by. Her mother, +at the age of twelve, went into domestic service; but on what +conditions, think you? The girl's father, an honest labouring man, +PAID the person whose house she entered one shilling a week for her +instruction in the duties she wished to undertake. What a grinning +stare would come to the face of any labourer nowadays, who should be +asked to do the like! I no longer wonder that my housekeeper so +little resembles the average of her kind. + + +XVII + + +A day of almost continuous rain, yet for me a day of delight. I had +breakfasted, and was poring over the map of Devon (how I love a good +map!) to trace an expedition that I have in view, when a knock came +at my door, and Mrs. M. bore in a great brown-paper parcel, which I +saw at a glance must contain books. The order was sent to London a +few days ago; I had not expected to have my books so soon. With +throbbing heart I set the parcel on a clear table; eyed it whilst I +mended the fire; then took my pen-knife, and gravely, deliberately, +though with hand that trembled, began to unpack. + +It is a joy to go through booksellers' catalogues, ticking here and +there a possible purchase. Formerly, when I could seldom spare +money, I kept catalogues as much as possible out of sight; now I +savour them page by page, and make a pleasant virtue of the +discretion I must needs impose upon myself. But greater still is +the happiness of unpacking volumes which one has bought without +seeing them. I am no hunter of rarities; I care nothing for first +editions and for tall copies; what I buy is literature, food for the +soul of man. The first glimpse of bindings when the inmost +protective wrapper has been folded back! The first scent of BOOKS! +The first gleam of a gilded title! Here is a work the name of which +has been known to me for half a lifetime, but which I never yet saw; +I take it reverently in my hand, gently I open it; my eyes are dim +with excitement as I glance over chapter-headings, and anticipate +the treat which awaits me. Who, more than I, has taken to heart +that sentence of the Imitatio--"In omnibus requiem quaesivi, et +nusquam inveni nisi in angulo cum libro"? + +I had in me the making of a scholar. With leisure and tranquillity +of mind, I should have amassed learning. Within the walls of a +college, I should have lived so happily, so harmlessly, my +imagination ever busy with the old world. In the introduction to +his History of France, Michelet says: "J'ai passe e cote du monde, +et j'ai pris l'histoire pour la vie." That, as I can see now, was +my true ideal; through all my battlings and miseries I have always +lived more in the past than in the present. At the time when I was +literally starving in London, when it seemed impossible that I +should ever gain a living by my pen, how many days have I spent at +the British Museum, reading as disinterestedly as if I had been +without a care! It astounds me to remember that, having breakfasted +on dry bread, and carrying in my pocket another piece of bread to +serve for dinner, I settled myself at a desk in the great Reading- +Room with books before me which by no possibility could be a source +of immediate profit. At such a time, I worked through German tomes +on Ancient Philosophy. At such a time, I read Appuleius and Lucian, +Petronius and the Greek Anthology, Diogenes Laertius and--heaven +knows what! My hunger was forgotten; the garret to which I must +return to pass the night never perturbed my thoughts. On the whole, +it seems to me something to be rather proud of; I smile approvingly +at that thin, white-faced youth. Me? My very self? No, no! He +has been dead these thirty years. + +Scholarship in the high sense was denied me, and now it is too late. +Yet here am I gloating over Pausanias, and promising myself to read +every word of him. Who that has any tincture of old letters would +not like to read Pausanias, instead of mere quotations from him and +references to him? Here are the volumes of Dahn's Die Konige der +Germanen: who would not like to know all he can about the Teutonic +conquerors of Rome? And so on, and so on. To the end I shall be +reading--and forgetting. Ah, that's the worst of it! Had I at +command all the knowledge I have at any time possessed, I might call +myself a learned man. Nothing surely is so bad for the memory as +long-enduring worry, agitation, fear. I cannot preserve more than a +few fragments of what I read, yet read I shall, persistently, +rejoicingly. Would I gather erudition for a future life? Indeed, +it no longer troubles me that I forget. I have the happiness of the +passing moment, and what more can mortal ask? + + +XVIII + + +Is it I, Henry Ryecroft, who, after a night of untroubled rest, rise +unhurriedly, dress with the deliberation of an oldish man, and go +downstairs happy in the thought that I can sit reading, quietly +reading, all day long? Is it I, Henry Ryecroft, the harassed toiler +of so many a long year? + +I dare not think of those I have left behind me, there in the ink- +stained world. It would make me miserable, and to what purpose? +Yet, having once looked that way, think of them I must. Oh, you +heavy-laden, who at this hour sit down to the cursed travail of the +pen; writing, not because there is something in your mind, in your +heart, which must needs be uttered, but because the pen is the only +tool you can handle, your only means of earning bread! Year after +year the number of you is multiplied; you crowd the doors of +publishers and editors, hustling, grappling, exchanging +maledictions. Oh, sorry spectacle, grotesque and heart-breaking! + +Innumerable are the men and women now writing for bread, who have +not the least chance of finding in such work a permanent livelihood. +They took to writing because they knew not what else to do, or +because the literary calling tempted them by its independence and +its dazzling prizes. They will hang on to the squalid profession, +their earnings eked out by begging and borrowing, until it is too +late for them to do anything else--and then? With a lifetime of +dread experience behind me, I say that he who encourages any young +man or woman to look for his living to "literature," commits no less +than a crime. If my voice had any authority, I would cry this truth +aloud wherever men could hear. Hateful as is the struggle for life +in every form, this rough-and-tumble of the literary arena seems to +me sordid and degrading beyond all others. Oh, your prices per +thousand words! Oh, your paragraphings and your interviewings! And +oh, the black despair that awaits those down-trodden in the fray. + +Last midsummer I received a circular from a typewriting person, +soliciting my custom; some one who had somehow got hold of my name, +and fancied me to be still in purgatory. This person wrote: "If +you should be in need of any extra assistance in the pressure of +your Christmas work, I hope," etc. + +How otherwise could one write if addressing a shopkeeper? "The +pressure of your Christmas work"! Nay, I am too sick to laugh. + + +XIX + + +Some one, I see, is lifting up his sweet voice in praise of +Conscription. It is only at long intervals that one reads this kind +of thing in our reviews or newspapers, and I am happy in believing +that most English people are affected by it even as I am, with the +sickness of dread and of disgust. That the thing is impossible in +England, who would venture to say? Every one who can think at all +sees how slight are our safeguards against that barbaric force in +man which the privileged races have so slowly and painfully brought +into check. Democracy is full of menace to all the finer hopes of +civilization, and the revival, in not unnatural companionship with +it, of monarchic power based on militarism, makes the prospect +dubious enough. There has but to arise some Lord of Slaughter, and +the nations will be tearing at each other's throats. Let England be +imperilled, and Englishmen will fight; in such extremity there is no +choice. But what a dreary change must come upon our islanders if, +without instant danger, they bend beneath the curse of universal +soldiering! I like to think that they will guard the liberty of +their manhood even beyond the point of prudence. + +A lettered German, speaking to me once of his year of military +service, told me that, had it lasted but a month or two longer, he +must have sought release in suicide. I know very well that my own +courage would not have borne me to the end of the twelvemonth; +humiliation, resentment, loathing, would have goaded me to madness. +At school we used to be "drilled" in the playground once a week; I +have but to think of it, even after forty years, and there comes +back upon me that tremor of passionate misery which, at the time, +often made me ill. The senseless routine of mechanic exercise was +in itself all but unendurable to me; I hated the standing in line, +the thrusting-out of arms and legs at a signal, the thud of feet +stamping in constrained unison. The loss of individuality seemed to +me sheer disgrace. And when, as often happened, the drill-sergeant +rebuked me for some inefficiency as I stood in line, when he +addressed me as "Number Seven!" I burned with shame and rage. I +was no longer a human being; I had become part of a machine, and my +name was "Number Seven." It used to astonish me when I had a +neighbour who went through the drill with amusement, with zealous +energy; I would gaze at the boy, and ask myself how it was possible +that he and I should feel so differently. To be sure, nearly all my +schoolfellows either enjoyed the thing, or at all events went +through it with indifference; they made friends with the sergeant, +and some were proud of walking with him "out of bounds." Left, +right! Left, right! For my own part, I think I have never hated +man as I hated that broad-shouldered, hard-visaged, brassy-voiced +fellow. Every word he spoke to me, I felt as an insult. Seeing him +in the distance, I have turned and fled, to escape the necessity of +saluting, and, still more, a quiver of the nerves which affected me +so painfully. If ever a man did me harm, it was he; harm physical +and moral. In all seriousness I believe that something of the +nervous instability from which I have suffered since boyhood is +traceable to those accursed hours of drill, and I am very sure that +I can date from the same wretched moments a fierceness of personal +pride which has been one of my most troublesome characteristics. +The disposition, of course, was there; it should have been modified, +not exacerbated. + +In younger manhood it would have flattered me to think that I alone +on the school drill-ground had sensibility enough to suffer acutely. +Now I had much rather feel assured that many of my schoolfellows +were in the same mind of subdued revolt. Even of those who, +boylike, enjoyed their drill, scarce one or two, I trust, would have +welcomed in their prime of life the imposition of military servitude +upon them and their countrymen. From a certain point of view, it +would be better far that England should bleed under conquest than +that she should be saved by eager, or careless, acceptance of +Conscription. That view will not be held by the English people; but +it would be a sorry thing for England if the day came when no one of +those who love her harboured such a thought. + + +XX + + +It has occurred to me that one might define Art as: an expression, +satisfying and abiding, of the zest of life. This is applicable to +every form of Art devised by man, for, in his creative moment, +whether he produce a great drama or carve a piece of foliage in +wood, the artist is moved and inspired by supreme enjoyment of some +aspect of the world about him; an enjoyment in itself keener than +that experienced by another man, and intensified, prolonged, by the +power--which comes to him we know not how--of recording in visible +or audible form that emotion of rare vitality. Art, in some degree, +is within the scope of every human being, were he but the ploughman +who utters a few would-be melodious notes, the mere outcome of +health and strength, in the field at sunrise; he sings, or tries to, +prompted by an unusual gusto in being, and the rude stave is all his +own. Another was he, who also at the plough, sang of the daisy, of +the field-mouse, or shaped the rhythmic tale of Tam o' Shanter. Not +only had life a zest for him incalculably stronger and subtler than +that which stirs the soul of Hodge, but he uttered it in word and +music such as go to the heart of mankind, and hold a magic power for +ages. + +For some years there has been a great deal of talk about Art in our +country. It began, I suspect, when the veritable artistic impulse +of the Victorian time had flagged, when the energy of a great time +was all but exhausted. Principles always become a matter of +vehement discussion when practice is at ebb. Not by taking thought +does one become an artist, or grow even an inch in that direction-- +which is not at all the same as saying that he who IS an artist +cannot profit by conscious effort. Goethe (the example so often +urged by imitators unlike him in every feature of humanity) took +thought enough about his Faust; but what of those youthtime lyrics, +not the least precious of his achievements, which were scribbled as +fast as pen could go, thwartwise on the paper, because he could not +stop to set it straight? Dare I pen, even for my own eyes, the +venerable truth that an artist is born and not made? It seems not +superfluous, in times which have heard disdainful criticism of +Scott, on the ground that he had no artistic conscience, that he +scribbled without a thought of style, that he never elaborated his +scheme before beginning--as Flaubert, of course you know, invariably +did. Why, after all, has one not heard that a certain William +Shakespeare turned out his so-called works of art with something +like criminal carelessness? Is it not a fact that a bungler named +Cervantes was so little in earnest about his Art that, having in one +chapter described the stealing of Sancho's donkey, he presently, in +mere forgetfulness, shows us Sancho riding on Dapple, as if nothing +had happened? Does not one Thackeray shamelessly avow on the last +page of a grossly "subjective" novel that he had killed Lord +Farintosh's mother at one page and brought her to life again at +another? These sinners against Art are none the less among the +world's supreme artists, for they LIVED, in a sense, in a degree, +unintelligible to these critics of theirs, and their work is an +expression, satisfying and abiding, of the zest of life. + +Some one, no doubt, hit upon this definition of mine long ago. It +doesn't matter; is it the less original with me? Not long since I +should have fretted over the possibility, for my living depended on +an avoidance of even seeming plagiarism. Now I am at one with Lord +Foppington, and much disposed to take pleasure in the natural +sprouts of my own wit--without troubling whether the same idea has +occurred to others. Suppose me, in total ignorance of Euclid, to +have discovered even the simplest of his geometrical demonstrations, +shall I be crestfallen when some one draws attention to the book? +These natural sprouts are, after all, the best products of our life; +it is a mere accident that they may have no value in the world's +market. One of my conscious efforts, in these days of freedom, is +to live intellectually for myself. Formerly, when in reading I came +upon anything that impressed or delighted me, down it went in my +note-book, for "use." I could not read a striking verse, or +sentence of prose, without thinking of it as an apt quotation in +something I might write--one of the evil results of a literary life. +Now that I strive to repel this habit of thought, I find myself +asking: To what end, then, do I read and remember? Surely as +foolish a question as ever man put to himself. You read for your +own pleasure, for your solace and strengthening. Pleasure, then, +purely selfish? Solace which endures for an hour, and strengthening +for no combat? Ay, but I know, I know. With what heart should I +live here in my cottage, waiting for life's end, were it not for +those hours of seeming idle reading? + +I think sometimes, how good it were had I some one by me to listen +when I am tempted to read a passage aloud. Yes, but is there any +mortal in the whole world upon whom I could invariably depend for +sympathetic understanding?--nay, who would even generally be at one +with me in my appreciation. Such harmony of intelligences is the +rarest thing. All through life we long for it: the desire drives +us, like a demon, into waste places; too often ends by plunging us +into mud and morass. And, after all, we learn that the vision was +illusory. To every man is it decreed: thou shalt live alone. +Happy they who imagine that they have escaped the common lot; happy, +whilst they imagine it. Those to whom no such happiness has ever +been granted at least avoid the bitterest of disillusions. And is +it not always good to face a truth, however discomfortable? The +mind which renounces, once and for ever, a futile hope, has its +compensation in ever-growing calm. + + +XXI + + +All about my garden to-day the birds are loud. To say that the air +is filled with their song gives no idea of the ceaseless piping, +whistling, trilling, which at moments rings to heaven in a +triumphant unison, a wild accord. Now and then I notice one of the +smaller songsters who seems to strain his throat in a madly joyous +endeavour to out-carol all the rest. It is a chorus of praise such +as none other of earth's children have the voice or the heart to +utter. As I listen, I am carried away by its glorious rapture; my +being melts in the tenderness of an impassioned joy; my eyes are dim +with I know not what profound humility. + + +XXII + + +Were one to look at the literary journals only, and thereafter judge +of the time, it would be easy to persuade oneself that civilization +had indeed made great and solid progress, and that the world stood +at a very hopeful stage of enlightenment. Week after week, I glance +over these pages of crowded advertisement; I see a great many +publishing-houses zealously active in putting forth every kind of +book, new and old; I see names innumerable of workers in every +branch of literature. Much that is announced declares itself at +once of merely ephemeral import, or even of no import at all; but +what masses of print which invite the attention of thoughtful or +studious folk! To the multitude is offered a long succession of +classic authors, in beautiful form, at a minimum cost; never were +such treasures so cheaply and so gracefully set before all who can +prize them. For the wealthy, there are volumes magnificent; lordly +editions; works of art whereon have been lavished care and skill and +expense incalculable. Here is exhibited the learning of the whole +world and of all the ages; be a man's study what it will, in these +columns, at one time or another he shall find that which appeals to +him. Here are labours of the erudite, exercised on every subject +that falls within learning's scope. Science brings forth its newest +discoveries in earth and heaven; it speaks to the philosopher in his +solitude, and to the crowd in the market-place. Curious pursuits of +the mind at leisure are represented in publications numberless; +trifles and oddities of intellectual savour; gatherings from every +byway of human interest. For other moods there are the fabulists; +to tell truth, they commonly hold the place of honour in these +varied lists. Who shall count them? Who shall calculate their +readers? Builders of verse are many; yet the observer will note +that contemporary poets have but an inconspicuous standing in this +index of the public taste. Travel, on the other hand, is largely +represented; the general appetite for information about lands remote +would appear to be only less keen than for the adventures of +romance. + +With these pages before one's eyes, must one not needs believe that +things of the mind are a prime concern of our day? Who are the +purchasers of these volumes ever pouring from the press? How is it +possible for so great a commerce to flourish save as a consequence +of national eagerness in this intellectual domain? Surely one must +take for granted that throughout the land, in town and country, +private libraries are growing apace; that by the people at large a +great deal of time is devoted to reading; that literary ambition is +one of the commonest spurs to effort? + +It is the truth. All this may be said of contemporary England. But +is it enough to set one's mind at ease regarding the outlook of our +civilization? + +Two things must be remembered. However considerable this literary +traffic, regarded by itself, it is relatively of small extent. And, +in the second place, literary activity is by no means an invariable +proof of that mental attitude which marks the truly civilized man. + +Lay aside the "literary organ," which appears once a week, and take +up the newspaper, which comes forth every day, morning and evening. +Here you get the true proportion of things. Read your daily news- +sheet--that which costs threepence or that which costs a halfpenny-- +and muse upon the impression it leaves. It may be that a few books +are "noticed"; granting that the "notice" is in any way noticeable, +compare the space it occupies with that devoted to the material +interests of life: you have a gauge of the real importance of +intellectual endeavour to the people at large. No, the public which +reads, in any sense of the word worth considering, is very, very +small; the public which would feel no lack if all book-printing +ceased to-morrow, is enormous. These announcements of learned works +which strike one as so encouraging, are addressed, as a matter of +fact, to a few thousand persons, scattered all over the English- +speaking world. Many of the most valuable books slowly achieve the +sale of a few hundred copies. Gather from all the ends of the +British Empire the men and women who purchase grave literature as a +matter of course, who habitually seek it in public libraries, in +short who regard it as a necessity of life, and I am much mistaken +if they could not comfortably assemble in the Albert Hall. + +But even granting this, is it not an obvious fact that our age tends +to the civilized habit of mind, as displayed in a love for +intellectual things? Was there ever a time which saw the literature +of knowledge and of the emotions so widely distributed? Does not +the minority of the truly intelligent exercise a vast and profound +influence? Does it not in truth lead the way, however slowly and +irregularly the multitude may follow? + +I should like to believe it. When gloomy evidence is thrust upon +me, I often say to myself: Think of the frequency of the reasonable +man; think of him everywhere labouring to spread the light; how is +it possible that such efforts should be overborne by forces of blind +brutality, now that the human race has got so far?--Yes, yes; but +this mortal whom I caress as reasonable, as enlightened and +enlightening, this author, investigator, lecturer, or studious +gentleman, to whose coat-tails I cling, does he always represent +justice and peace, sweetness of manners, purity of life--all the +things which makes for true civilization? Here is a fallacy of +bookish thought. Experience offers proof on every hand that +vigorous mental life may be but one side of a personality, of which +the other is moral barbarism. A man may be a fine archaeologist, +and yet have no sympathy with human ideals. The historian, the +biographer, even the poet, may be a money-market gambler, a social +toady, a clamorous Chauvinist, or an unscrupulous wire-puller. As +for "leaders of science," what optimist will dare to proclaim them +on the side of the gentle virtues? And if one must needs think in +this way of those who stand forth, professed instructors and +inspirers, what of those who merely listen? The reading-public--oh, +the reading-public! Hardly will a prudent statistician venture to +declare that one in every score of those who actually read sterling +books do so with comprehension of their author. These dainty series +of noble and delightful works, which have so seemingly wide an +acceptance, think you they vouch for true appreciation in all who +buy them? Remember those who purchase to follow the fashion, to +impose upon their neighbour, or even to flatter themselves; think of +those who wish to make cheap presents, and those who are merely +pleased by the outer aspect of the volume. Above all, bear in mind +that busy throng whose zeal is according neither to knowledge nor to +conviction, the host of the half-educated, characteristic and peril +of our time. They, indeed, purchase and purchase largely. Heaven +forbid that I should not recognize the few among them whose bent of +brain and of conscience justifies their fervour; to such--the ten in +ten thousand--be all aid and brotherly solace! But the glib many, +the perky mispronouncers of titles and of authors' names, the +twanging murderers of rhythm, the maulers of the uncut edge at +sixpence extra, the ready-reckoners of bibliopolic discount--am I to +see in these a witness of my hope for the century to come? + +I am told that their semi-education will be integrated. We are in a +transition stage, between the bad old time when only a few had +academic privileges, and that happy future which will see all men +liberally instructed. Unfortunately for this argument, education is +a thing of which only the few are capable; teach as you will, only a +small percentage will profit by your most zealous energy. On an +ungenerous soil it is vain to look for rich crops. Your average +mortal will be your average mortal still: and if he grow conscious +of power, if he becomes vocal and self-assertive, if he get into his +hands all the material resources of the country, why, you have a +state of things such as at present looms menacingly before every +Englishman blessed--or cursed--with an unpopular spirit. + + +XXIII + + +Every morning when I awake, I thank heaven for silence. This is my +orison. I remember the London days when sleep was broken by clash +and clang, by roar and shriek, and when my first sense on returning +to consciousness was hatred of the life about me. Noises of wood +and metal, clattering of wheels, banging of implements, jangling of +bells--all such things are bad enough, but worse still is the +clamorous human voice. Nothing on earth is more irritating to me +than a bellow or scream of idiot mirth, nothing more hateful than a +shout or yell of brutal anger. Were it possible, I would never +again hear the utterance of a human tongue, save from those few who +are dear to me. + +Here, wake at what hour I may, early or late, I lie amid gracious +stillness. Perchance a horse's hoof rings rhythmically upon the +road; perhaps a dog barks from a neighbour farm; it may be that +there comes the far, soft murmur of a train from the other side of +Exe; but these are almost the only sounds that could force +themselves upon my ear. A voice, at any time of the day, is the +rarest thing. + +But there is the rustle of branches in the morning breeze; there is +the music of a sunny shower against the window; there is the matin +song of birds. Several times lately I have lain wakeful when there +sounded the first note of the earliest lark; it makes me almost glad +of my restless nights. The only trouble that touches me in these +moments is the thought of my long life wasted amid the senseless +noises of man's world. Year after year this spot has known the same +tranquillity; with ever so little of good fortune, with ever so +little wisdom, beyond what was granted me, I might have blessed my +manhood with calm, might have made for myself in later life a long +retrospect of bowered peace. As it is, I enjoy with something of +sadness, remembering that this melodious silence is but the prelude +of that deeper stillness which waits to enfold us all. + + +XXIV + + +Morning after morning, of late, I have taken my walk in the same +direction, my purpose being to look at a plantation of young +larches. There is no lovelier colour on earth than that in which +they are now clad; it seems to refresh as well as gladden my eyes, +and its influence sinks deep into my heart. Too soon it will +change; already I think the first radiant verdure has begun to pass +into summer's soberness. The larch has its moment of unmatched +beauty--and well for him whose chance permits him to enjoy it, +spring after spring. + +Could anything be more wonderful than the fact that here am I, day +by day, not only at leisure to walk forth and gaze at the larches, +but blessed with the tranquillity of mind needful for such +enjoyment? On any morning of spring sunshine, how many mortals find +themselves so much at peace that they are able to give themselves +wholly to delight in the glory of heaven and of earth? Is it the +case with one man in every fifty thousand? Consider what +extraordinary kindness of fate must tend upon one, that not a care, +not a preoccupation, should interfere with his contemplative thought +for five or six days successively! So rooted in the human mind (and +so reasonably rooted) is the belief in an Envious Power, that I ask +myself whether I shall not have to pay, by some disaster, for this +period of sacred calm. For a week or so I have been one of a small +number, chosen out of the whole human race by fate's supreme +benediction. It may be that this comes to every one in turn; to +most, it can only be once in a lifetime, and so briefly. That my +own lot seems so much better than that of ordinary men, sometimes +makes me fearful. + + +XXV + + +Walking in a favourite lane to-day, I found it covered with shed +blossoms of the hawthorn. Creamy white, fragrant even in ruin, lay +scattered the glory of the May. It told me that spring is over. + +Have I enjoyed it as I should? Since the day that brought me +freedom, four times have I seen the year's new birth, and always, as +the violet yielded to the rose, I have known a fear that I had not +sufficiently prized this boon of heaven whilst it was with me. Many +hours I have spent shut up among my books, when I might have been in +the meadows. Was the gain equivalent? Doubtfully, diffidently, I +hearken what the mind can plead. + +I recall my moments of delight, the recognition of each flower that +unfolded, the surprise of budding branches clothed in a night with +green. The first snowy gleam upon the blackthorn did not escape me. +By its familiar bank, I watched for the earliest primrose, and in +its copse I found the anemone. Meadows shining with buttercups, +hollows sunned with the marsh marigold held me long at gaze. I saw +the sallow glistening with its cones of silvery fur, and splendid +with dust of gold. These common things touch me with more of +admiration and of wonder each time I behold them. They are once +more gone. As I turn to summer, a misgiving mingles with my joy. + + + +SUMMER + + + +I + + +To-day, as I was reading in the garden, a waft of summer perfume-- +some hidden link of association in what I read--I know not what it +may have been--took me back to schoolboy holidays; I recovered with +strange intensity that lightsome mood of long release from tasks, of +going away to the seaside, which is one of childhood's blessings. I +was in the train; no rushing express, such as bears you great +distances; the sober train which goes to no place of importance, +which lets you see the white steam of the engine float and fall upon +a meadow ere you pass. Thanks to a good and wise father, we +youngsters saw nothing of seaside places where crowds assemble; I am +speaking, too, of a time more than forty years ago, when it was +still possible to find on the coasts of northern England, east or +west, spots known only to those who loved the shore for its beauty +and its solitude. At every station the train stopped; little +stations, decked with beds of flowers, smelling warm in the sunshine +where country-folk got in with baskets, and talked in an unfamiliar +dialect, an English which to us sounded almost like a foreign +tongue. Then the first glimpse of the sea; the excitement of noting +whether tide was high or low--stretches of sand and weedy pools, or +halcyon wavelets frothing at their furthest reach, under the sea- +banks starred with convolvulus. Of a sudden, OUR station! + +Ah, that taste of the brine on a child's lips! Nowadays, I can take +holiday when I will, and go whithersoever it pleases me; but that +salt kiss of the sea air I shall never know again. My senses are +dulled; I cannot get so near to Nature; I have a sorry dread of her +clouds, her winds, and must walk with tedious circumspection where +once I ran and leapt exultingly. Were it possible, but for one +half-hour, to plunge and bask in the sunny surf, to roll on the +silvery sand-hills, to leap from rock to rock on shining sea-ferns, +laughing if I slipped into the shallows among starfish and anemones! +I am much older in body than in mind; I can but look at what I once +enjoyed. + + +II + + +I have been spending a week in Somerset. The right June weather put +me in the mind for rambling, and my thoughts turned to the Severn +Sea. I went to Glastonbury and Wells, and on to Cheddar, and so to +the shore of the Channel at Clevedon, remembering my holiday of +fifteen years ago, and too often losing myself in a contrast of the +man I was then and what I am now. Beautiful beyond all words of +description that nook of oldest England; but that I feared the moist +and misty winter climate, I should have chosen some spot below the +Mendips for my home and resting-place. Unspeakable the charm to my +ear of those old names; exquisite the quiet of those little towns, +lost amid tilth and pasture, untouched as yet by the fury of modern +life, their ancient sanctuaries guarded, as it were, by noble trees +and hedges overrun with flowers. In all England there is no sweeter +and more varied prospect than that from the hill of the Holy Thorn +at Glastonbury; in all England there is no lovelier musing place +than the leafy walk beside the Palace Moat at Wells. As I think of +the golden hours I spent there, a passion to which I can give no +name takes hold upon me; my heart trembles with an indefinable +ecstasy. + +There was a time of my life when I was consumed with a desire for +foreign travel; an impatience of everything familiar fretted me +through all the changing year. If I had not at length found the +opportunity to escape, if I had not seen the landscapes for which my +soul longed, I think I must have moped to death. Few men, +assuredly, have enjoyed such wanderings more than I, and few men +revive them in memory with a richer delight or deeper longing. But- +-whatever temptation comes to me in mellow autumn, when I think of +the grape and of the olive--I do not believe I shall ever again +cross the sea. What remains to me of life and of energy is far too +little for the enjoyment of all I know, and all I wish to know, of +this dear island. + +As a child I used to sleep in a room hung round with prints after +English landscape painters--those steel engravings so common half a +century ago, which bore the legend, "From the picture in the Vernon +Gallery." Far more than I knew at the time, these pictures +impressed me; I gazed and gazed at them, with that fixed attention +of a child which is half curiosity, half reverie, till every line of +them was fixed in my mind; at this moment I see the black-and-white +landscapes as if they were hanging on the wall before me, and I have +often thought that this early training of the imagination--for such +it was--has much to do with the passionate love of rural scenery +which lurked within me even when I did not recognize it, and which +now for many a year has been one of the emotions directing my life. +Perhaps, too, that early memory explains why I love a good black- +and-white print even more than a good painting. And--to draw yet +another inference--here may be a reason for the fact that, through +my youth and early manhood, I found more pleasure in Nature as +represented by art than in Nature herself. Even during that strange +time when hardships and passions held me captive far from any +glimpse of the flowering earth, I could be moved, and moved deeply, +by a picture of the simplest rustic scene. At rare moments, when a +happy chance led me into the National Gallery, I used to stand long +before such pictures as "The Valley Farm," "The Cornfield," +"Mousehold Heath." In the murk confusion of my heart these visions +of the world of peace and beauty from which I was excluded--to +which, indeed, I hardly ever gave a thought--touched me to deep +emotion. But it did not need--nor does it now--the magic of a +master to awake that mood in me. Let me but come upon the poorest +little woodcut, the cheapest "process" illustration, representing a +thatched cottage, a lane, a field, and I hear that music begin to +murmur. It is a passion--Heaven be thanked--that grows with my +advancing years. The last thought of my brain as I lie dying will +be that of sunshine upon an English meadow. + + +III + + +Sitting in my garden amid the evening scent of roses, I have read +through Walton's Life of Hooker; could any place and time have been +more appropriate? Almost within sight is the tower of Heavitree +church--Heavitree, which was Hooker's birthplace. In other parts of +England he must often have thought of these meadows falling to the +green valley of the Exe, and of the sun setting behind the pines of +Haldon. Hooker loved the country. Delightful to me, and infinitely +touching, is that request of his to be transferred from London to a +rural living--"where I can see God's blessing spring out of the +earth." And that glimpse of him where he was found tending sheep, +with a Horace in his hand. It was in rural solitudes that he +conceived the rhythm of mighty prose. What music of the spheres +sang to that poor, vixen-haunted, pimply-faced man! + +The last few pages I read by the light of the full moon, that of +afterglow having till then sufficed me. Oh, why has it not been +granted me in all my long years of pen-labour to write something +small and perfect, even as one of these lives of honest Izaak! Here +is literature, look you--not "literary work." Let me be thankful +that I have the mind to enjoy it; not only to understand, but to +savour, its great goodness. + + +IV + + +It is Sunday morning, and above earth's beauty shines the purest, +softest sky this summer has yet gladdened us withal. My window is +thrown open; I see the sunny gleam upon garden leaves and flowers; I +hear the birds whose wont it is to sing to me; ever and anon the +martins that have their home beneath my eaves sweep past in silence. +Church bells have begun to chime; I know the music of their voices, +near and far. + +There was a time when it delighted me to flash my satire on the +English Sunday; I could see nothing but antiquated foolishness and +modern hypocrisy in this weekly pause from labour and from bustle. +Now I prize it as an inestimable boon, and dread every encroachment +upon its restful stillness. Scoff as I might at "Sabbatarianism," +was I not always glad when Sunday came? The bells of London +churches and chapels are not soothing to the ear, but when I +remember their sound--even that of the most aggressively pharisaic +conventicle, with its one dire clapper--I find it associated with a +sense of repose, of liberty. This day of the seven I granted to my +better genius; work was put aside, and, when Heaven permitted, +trouble forgotten. + +When out of England I have always missed this Sunday quietude, this +difference from ordinary days which seems to affect the very +atmosphere. It is not enough that people should go to church, that +shops should be closed and workyards silent; these holiday notes do +not make a Sunday. Think as one may of its significance, our Day of +Rest has a peculiar sanctity, felt, I imagine, in a more or less +vague way, even by those who wish to see the village lads at cricket +and theatres open in the town. The idea is surely as good a one as +ever came to heavy-laden mortals; let one whole day in every week be +removed from the common life of the world, lifted above common +pleasures as above common cares. With all the abuses of fanaticism, +this thought remained rich in blessings; Sunday has always brought +large good to the generality, and to a chosen number has been the +very life of the soul, however heretically some of them understood +the words. If its ancient use perish from among us, so much the +worse for our country. And perish no doubt it will; only here in +rustic solitude can one forget the changes that have already made +the day less sacred to multitudes. With it will vanish that habit +of periodic calm, which, even when it has become so largely void of +conscious meaning, is, one may safely say, the best spiritual boon +ever bestowed upon a people. The most difficult of all things to +attain, the most difficult of all to preserve, the supreme +benediction of the noblest mind, this calm was once breathed over +the whole land as often as sounded the last stroke of weekly toil; +on Saturday at even began the quiet and the solace. With the +decline of old faith, Sunday cannot but lose its sanction, and no +loss among the innumerable that we are suffering will work so +effectually for popular vulgarization. What hope is there of +guarding the moral beauty of the day when the authority which set it +apart is no longer recognized?--Imagine a bank-holiday once a week! + + +V + + +On Sunday I come down later than usual; I make a change of dress, +for it is fitting that the day of spiritual rest should lay aside +the livery of the laborious week. For me, indeed, there is no +labour at any time, but nevertheless does Sunday bring me repose. I +share in the common tranquillity; my thought escapes the workaday +world more completely than on other days. + +It is not easy to see how this house of mine can make to itself a +Sunday quiet, for at all times it is well-nigh soundless; yet I find +a difference. My housekeeper comes into the room with her Sunday +smile; she is happier for the day, and the sight of her happiness +gives me pleasure. She speaks, if possible, in a softer voice; she +wears a garment which reminds me that there is only the lightest and +cleanest housework to be done. She will go to church, morning and +evening, and I know that she is better for it. During her absence I +sometimes look into rooms which on other days I never enter; it is +merely to gladden my eyes with the shining cleanliness, the perfect +order, I am sure to find in the good woman's domain. But for that +spotless and sweet-smelling kitchen, what would it avail me to range +my books and hang my pictures? All the tranquillity of my life +depends upon the honest care of this woman who lives and works +unseen. And I am sure that the money I pay her is the least part of +her reward. She is such an old-fashioned person that the mere +discharge of what she deems a duty is in itself an end to her, and +the work of her hands in itself a satisfaction, a pride. + +When a child, I was permitted to handle on Sunday certain books +which could not be exposed to the more careless usage of common +days; volumes finely illustrated, or the more handsome editions of +familiar authors, or works which, merely by their bulk, demanded +special care. Happily, these books were all of the higher rank in +literature, and so there came to be established in my mind an +association between the day of rest and names which are the greatest +in verse and prose. Through my life this habit has remained with +me; I have always wished to spend some part of the Sunday quiet with +books which, at most times, it is fatally easy to leave aside, one's +very knowledge and love of them serving as an excuse for their +neglect in favour of print which has the attraction of newness. +Homer and Virgil, Milton and Shakespeare; not many Sundays have gone +by without my opening one or other of these. Not many Sundays? +Nay, that is to exaggerate, as one has the habit of doing. Let me +say rather that, on many a rest-day I have found mind and +opportunity for such reading. Nowadays mind and opportunity fail me +never. I may take down my Homer or my Shakespeare when I choose, +but it is still on Sunday that I feel it most becoming to seek the +privilege of their companionship. For these great ones, crowned +with immortality, do not respond to him who approaches them as +though hurried by temporal care. There befits the garment of solemn +leisure, the thought attuned to peace. I open the volume somewhat +formally; is it not sacred, if the word have any meaning at all? +And, as I read, no interruption can befall me. The note of a +linnet, the humming of a bee, these are the sounds about my +sanctuary. The page scarce rustles as it turns. + + +VI + + +Of how many dwellings can it be said that no word of anger is ever +heard beneath its roof, and that no unkindly feeling ever exists +between the inmates? Most men's experience would seem to justify +them in declaring that, throughout the inhabited world, no such +house exists. I, knowing at all events of one, admit the +possibility that there may be more; yet I feel that it is to hazard +a conjecture; I cannot point with certainty to any other instance, +nor in all my secular life (I speak as one who has quitted the +world) could I have named a single example. + +It is so difficult for human beings to live together; nay, it is so +difficult for them to associate, however transitorily, and even +under the most favourable conditions, without some shadow of mutual +offence. Consider the differences of task and of habit, the +conflict of prejudices, the divergence of opinions (though that is +probably the same thing), which quickly reveal themselves between +any two persons brought into more than casual contact, and think how +much self-subdual is implicit whenever, for more than an hour or +two, they co-exist in seeming harmony. Man is not made for peaceful +intercourse with his fellows; he is by nature self-assertive, +commonly aggressive, always critical in a more or less hostile +spirit of any characteristic which seems strange to him. That he is +capable of profound affections merely modifies here and there his +natural contentiousness, and subdues its expression. Even love, in +the largest and purest sense of the word, is no safeguard against +perilous irritation and sensibilities inborn. And what were the +durability of love without the powerful alliance of habit? + +Suppose yourself endowed with such power of hearing that all the +talk going on at any moment beneath the domestic roofs of any town +became clearly audible to you; the dominant note would be that of +moods, tempers, opinions at jar. Who but the most amiable dreamer +can doubt it? This, mind you, is not the same thing as saying that +angry emotion is the ruling force in human life; the facts of our +civilization prove the contrary. Just because, and only because, +the natural spirit of conflict finds such frequent scope, does human +society hold together, and, on the whole, present a pacific aspect. +In the course of ages (one would like to know how many) man has +attained a remarkable degree of self-control; dire experience has +forced upon him the necessity of compromise, and habit has inclined +him (the individual) to prefer a quiet, orderly life. But by +instinct he is still a quarrelsome creature, and he gives vent to +the impulse as far as it is compatible with his reasoned interests-- +often, to be sure, without regard for that limit. The average man +or woman is always at open discord with some one; the great majority +could not live without oft-recurrent squabble. Speak in confidence +with any one you like, and get him to tell you how many cases of +coldness, alienation, or downright enmity, between friends and +kinsfolk, his memory registers; the number will be considerable, and +what a vastly greater number of everyday "misunderstandings" may be +thence inferred! Verbal contention is, of course, commoner among +the poor and the vulgar than in the class of well-bred people living +at their ease, but I doubt whether the lower ranks of society find +personal association much more difficult than the refined minority +above them. High cultivation may help to self-command, but it +multiplies the chances of irritative contact. In mansion, as in +hovel, the strain of life is perpetually felt--between the married, +between parents and children, between relatives of every degree, +between employers and employed. They debate, they dispute, they +wrangle, they explode--then nerves are relieved, and they are ready +to begin over again. Quit the home and quarrelling is less obvious, +but it goes on all about one. What proportion of the letters +delivered any morning would be found to be written in displeasure, +in petulance, in wrath? The postbag shrieks insults or bursts with +suppressed malice. Is it not wonderful--nay, is it not the marvel +of marvels--that human life has reached such a high point of public +and private organization? + +And gentle idealists utter their indignant wonder at the continuance +of war! Why, it passes the wit of man to explain how it is that +nations are ever at peace! For, if only by the rarest good fortune +do individuals associate harmoniously, there would seem to be much +less likelihood of mutual understanding and good-will between the +peoples of alien lands. As a matter of fact, no two nations are +ever friendly, in the sense of truly liking each other; with the +reciprocal criticism of countries there always mingles a sentiment +of animosity. The original meaning of hostis is merely stranger, +and a stranger who is likewise a foreigner will only by curious +exception fail to stir antipathy in the average human being. Add to +this that a great number of persons in every country find their +delight and their business in exasperating international disrelish, +and with what vestige of common sense can one feel surprise that war +is ceaselessly talked of, often enough declared. In days gone by, +distance and rarity of communication assured peace between many +realms. Now that every country is in proximity to every other, what +need is there to elaborate explanations of the distrust, the fear, +the hatred, which are a perpetual theme of journalists and +statesmen? By approximation, all countries have entered the sphere +of natural quarrel. That they find plenty of things to quarrel +about is no cause for astonishment. A hundred years hence there +will be some possibility of perceiving whether international +relations are likely to obey the law which has acted with such +beneficence in the life of each civilized people; whether this +country and that will be content to ease their tempers with +bloodless squabbling, subduing the more violent promptings for the +common good. Yet I suspect that a century is a very short time to +allow for even justifiable surmise of such an outcome. If by any +chance newspapers ceased to exist . . . + +Talk of war, and one gets involved in such utopian musings! + + +VII + + +I have been reading one of those prognostic articles on +international politics which every now and then appear in the +reviews. Why I should so waste my time it would be hard to say; I +suppose the fascination of disgust and fear gets the better of me in +a moment's idleness. This writer, who is horribly perspicacious and +vigorous, demonstrates the certainty of a great European war, and +regards it with the peculiar satisfaction excited by such things in +a certain order of mind. His phrases about "dire calamity" and so +on mean nothing; the whole tenor of his writing proves that he +represents, and consciously, one of the forces which go to bring war +about; his part in the business is a fluent irresponsibility, which +casts scorn on all who reluct at the "inevitable." Persistent +prophecy is a familiar way of assuring the event. + +But I will read no more such writing. This resolution I make and +will keep. Why set my nerves quivering with rage, and spoil the +calm of a whole day, when no good of any sort can come of it? What +is it to me if nations fall a-slaughtering each other? Let the +fools go to it! Why should they not please themselves? Peace, +after all, is the aspiration of the few; so it always; was, and ever +will be. But have done with the nauseous cant about "dire +calamity." The leaders and the multitude hold no such view; either +they see in war a direct and tangible profit, or they are driven to +it, with heads down, by the brute that is in them. Let them rend +and be rent; let them paddle in blood and viscera till--if that +would ever happen--their stomachs turn. Let them blast the +cornfield and the orchard, fire the home. For all that, there will +yet be found some silent few, who go their way amid the still +meadows, who bend to the flower and watch the sunset; and these +alone are worth a thought. + + +VIII + + +In this hot weather I like to walk at times amid the full glow of +the sun. Our island sun is never hot beyond endurance, and there is +a magnificence in the triumph of high summer which exalts one's +mind. Among streets it is hard to bear, yet even there, for those +who have eyes to see it, the splendour of the sky lends beauty to +things in themselves mean or hideous. I remember an August bank- +holiday, when, having for some reason to walk all across London, I +unexpectedly found myself enjoying the strange desertion of great +streets, and from that passed to surprise in the sense of something +beautiful, a charm in the vulgar vista, in the dull architecture, +which I had never known. Deep and clear-marked shadows, such as one +only sees on a few days of summer, are in themselves very +impressive, and become more so when they fall upon highways devoid +of folk. I remember observing, as something new, the shape of +familiar edifices, of spires, monuments. And when at length I sat +down, somewhere on the Embankment, it was rather to gaze at leisure +than to rest, for I felt no weariness, and the sun, still pouring +upon me its noontide radiance, seemed to fill my veins with life. + +That sense I shall never know again. For me Nature has comforts, +raptures, but no more invigoration. The sun keeps me alive, but +cannot, as in the old days, renew my being. I would fain learn to +enjoy without reflecting. + +My walk in the golden hours leads me to a great horse-chestnut, +whose root offers a convenient seat in the shadow of its foliage. +At that resting-place I have no wide view before me, but what I see +is enough--a corner of waste land, over-flowered with poppies and +charlock, on the edge of a field of corn. The brilliant red and +yellow harmonize with the glory of the day. Near by, too, is a +hedge covered with great white blooms of the bindweed. My eyes do +not soon grow weary. + +A little plant of which I am very fond is the rest-harrow. When the +sun is hot upon it, the flower gives forth a strangely aromatic +scent, very delightful to me. I know the cause of this peculiar +pleasure. The rest-harrow sometimes grows in sandy ground above the +seashore. In my childhood I have many a time lain in such a spot +under the glowing sky, and, though I scarce thought of it, perceived +the odour of the little rose-pink flower when it touched my face. +Now I have but to smell it, and those hours come back again. I see +the shore of Cumberland, running north to St. Bee's Head; on the sea +horizon a faint shape which is the Isle of Man; inland, the +mountains, which for me at that time guarded a region of unknown +wonder. Ah, how long ago! + + +IX + + +I read much less than I used to do; I think much more. Yet what is +the use of thought which can no longer serve to direct life? +Better, perhaps, to read and read incessantly, losing one's futile +self in the activity of other minds. + +This summer I have taken up no new book, but have renewed my +acquaintance with several old ones which I had not opened for many a +year. One or two have been books such as mature men rarely read at +all--books which it is one's habit to "take as read"; to presume +sufficiently known to speak of, but never to open. Thus, one day my +hand fell upon the Anabasis, the little Oxford edition which I used +at school, with its boyish sign-manual on the fly-leaf, its blots +and underlinings and marginal scrawls. To my shame I possess no +other edition; yet this is a book one would like to have in +beautiful form. I opened it, I began to read--a ghost of boyhood +stirring in my heart--and from chapter to chapter was led on, until +after a few days I had read the whole. + +I am glad this happened in the summer-time, I like to link childhood +with these latter days, and no better way could I have found than +this return to a school-book, which, even as a school-book, was my +great delight. + +By some trick of memory I always associate school-boy work on the +classics with a sense of warm and sunny days; rain and gloom and a +chilly atmosphere must have been far the more frequent conditions, +but these things are forgotten. My old Liddell and Scott still +serves me, and if, in opening it, I bend close enough to catch the +SCENT of the leaves, I am back again at that day of boyhood (noted +on the fly-leaf by the hand of one long dead) when the book was new +and I used it for the first time. It was a day of summer, and +perhaps there fell upon the unfamiliar page, viewed with childish +tremor, half apprehension and half delight, a mellow sunshine, which +was to linger for ever in my mind. + +But I am thinking of the Anabasis. Were this the sole book existing +in Greek, it would be abundantly worth while to learn the language +in order to read it. The Anabasis is an admirable work of art, +unique in its combination of concise and rapid narrative with colour +and picturesqueness. Herodotus wrote a prose epic, in which the +author's personality is ever before us. Xenophon, with curiosity +and love of adventure which mark him of the same race, but self- +forgetful in the pursuit of a new artistic virtue, created the +historical romance. What a world of wonders in this little book, +all aglow with ambitions and conflicts, with marvels of strange +lands; full of perils and rescues, fresh with the air of mountain +and of sea! Think of it for a moment by the side of Caesar's +Commentaries; not to compare things incomparable, but in order to +appreciate the perfect art which shines through Xenophon's mastery +of language, his brevity achieving a result so different from that +of the like characteristic in the Roman writer. Caesar's +conciseness comes of strength and pride; Xenophon's, of a vivid +imagination. Many a single line of the Anabasis presents a picture +which deeply stirs the emotions. A good instance occurs in the +fourth book, where a delightful passage of unsurpassable narrative +tells how the Greeks rewarded and dismissed a guide who had led them +through dangerous country. The man himself was in peril of his +life; laden with valuable things which the soldiers had given him in +their gratitude, he turned to make his way through the hostile +region. [Greek text which cannot be reproduced]. "When evening +came he took leave of us, and went his way by night." To my mind, +words of wonderful suggestiveness. You see the wild, eastern +landscape, upon which the sun has set. There are the Hellenes, safe +for the moment on their long march, and there the mountain +tribesman, the serviceable barbarian, going away, alone, with his +tempting guerdon, into the hazards of the darkness. + +Also in the fourth book, another picture moves one in another way. +Among the Carduchian Hills two men were seized, and information was +sought from them about the track to be followed. "One of them would +say nothing, and kept silence in spite of every threat; so, in the +presence of his companion, he was slain. Thereupon that other made +known the man's reason for refusing to point out the way; in the +direction the Greeks must take there dwelt a daughter of his, who +was married." + +It would not be easy to express more pathos than is conveyed in +these few words. Xenophon himself, one may be sure, did not feel it +quite as we do, but he preserved the incident for its own sake, and +there, in a line or two, shines something of human love and +sacrifice, significant for all time. + + +X + + +I sometimes think I will go and spend the sunny half of a +twelvemonth in wandering about the British Isles. There is so much +of beauty and interest that I have not seen, and I grudge to close +my eyes on this beloved home of ours, leaving any corner of it +unvisited. Often I wander in fancy over all the parts I know, and +grow restless with desire at familiar names which bring no picture +to memory. My array of county guide-books (they have always been +irresistible to me on the stalls) sets me roaming; the only dull +pages in them are those that treat of manufacturing towns. Yet I +shall never start on that pilgrimage. I am too old, too fixed in +habits. I dislike the railway; I dislike hotels. I should grow +homesick for my library, my garden, the view from my windows. And +then--I have such a fear of dying anywhere but under my own roof. + +As a rule, it is better to re-visit only in imagination the places +which have greatly charmed us, or which, in the retrospect, seem to +have done so. Seem to have charmed us, I say; for the memory we +form, after a certain lapse of time, of places where we lingered, +often bears but a faint resemblance to the impression received at +the time; what in truth may have been very moderate enjoyment, or +enjoyment greatly disturbed by inner or outer circumstances, shows +in the distance as a keen delight, or as deep, still happiness. On +the other hand, if memory creates no illusion, and the name of a +certain place is associated with one of the golden moments of life, +it were rash to hope that another visit would repeat the experience +of a by-gone day. For it was not merely the sights that one beheld +which were the cause of joy and peace; however lovely the spot, +however gracious the sky, these things external would not have +availed, but for contributory movements of mind and heart and blood, +the essentials of the man as then he was. + +Whilst I was reading this afternoon my thoughts strayed, and I found +myself recalling a hillside in Suffolk, where, after a long walk I +rested drowsily one midsummer day twenty years ago. A great longing +seized me; I was tempted to set off at once, and find again that +spot under the high elm trees, where, as I smoked a delicious pipe, +I heard about me the crack, crack, crack of broom-pods bursting in +the glorious heat of the noontide sun. Had I acted upon the +impulse, what chance was there of my enjoying such another hour as +that which my memory cherished? No, no; it is not the PLACE that I +remember; it is the time of life, the circumstances, the mood, which +at that moment fell so happily together. Can I dream that a pipe +smoked on that same hillside, under the same glowing sky, would +taste as it then did, or bring me the same solace? Would the turf +be so soft beneath me? Would the great elm-branches temper so +delightfully the noontide rays beating upon them? And, when the +hour of rest was over, should I spring to my feet as then I did, +eager to put forth my strength again? No, no; what I remember is +just one moment of my earlier life, linked by accident with that +picture of the Suffolk landscape. The place no longer exists; it +never existed save for me. For it is the mind which creates the +world about us, and, even though we stand side by side in the same +meadow, my eyes will never see what is beheld by yours, my heart +will never stir to the emotions with which yours is touched. + + +XI + + +I awoke a little after four o'clock. There was sunlight upon the +blind, that pure gold of the earliest beam which always makes me +think of Dante's angels. I had slept unusually well, without a +dream, and felt the blessing of rest through all my frame; my head +was clear, my pulse beat temperately. And, when I had lain thus for +a few minutes, asking myself what book I should reach from the shelf +that hangs near my pillow, there came upon me a desire to rise and +go forth into the early morning. On the moment I bestirred myself. +The drawing up of the blind, the opening of the window, only +increased my zeal, and I was soon in the garden, then out in the +road, walking light-heartedly I cared not whither. + +How long is it since I went forth at the hour of summer sunrise? It +is one of the greatest pleasures, physical and mental, that any man +in moderate health can grant himself; yet hardly once in a year do +mood and circumstance combine to put it within one's reach. The +habit of lying in bed hours after broad daylight is strange enough, +if one thinks of it; a habit entirely evil; one of the most foolish +changes made by modern system in the healthier life of the old time. +But that my energies are not equal to such great innovation, I would +begin going to bed at sunset and rising with the beam of day; ten to +one, it would vastly improve my health, and undoubtedly it would add +to the pleasures of my existence. + +When travelling, I have now and then watched the sunrise, and always +with an exultation unlike anything produced in me by other aspects +of nature. I remember daybreak on the Mediterranean; the shapes of +islands growing in hue after hue of tenderest light, until they +floated amid a sea of glory. And among the mountains--that crowning +height, one moment a cold pallor, the next soft-glowing under the +touch of the rosy-fingered goddess. These are the things I shall +never see again; things, indeed, so perfect in memory that I should +dread to blur them by a newer experience. My senses are so much +duller; they do not show me what once they did. + +How far away is that school-boy time, when I found a pleasure in +getting up and escaping from the dormitory whilst all the others +were still asleep. My purpose was innocent enough; I got up early +only to do my lessons. I can see the long school-room, lighted by +the early sun; I can smell the school-room odour--a blend of books +and slates and wall-maps and I know not what. It was a mental +peculiarity of mine that at five o'clock in the morning I could +apply myself with gusto to mathematics, a subject loathsome to me at +any other time of the day. Opening the book at some section which +was wont to scare me, I used to say to myself: "Come now, I'm going +to tackle this this morning! If other boys can understand it, why +shouldn't I?" And in a measure I succeeded. In a measure only; +there was always a limit at which my powers failed me, strive as I +would. + +In my garret-days it was seldom that I rose early: with the +exception of one year--or the greater part of a twelvemonth--during +which I was regularly up at half-past five for a special reason. I +had undertaken to "coach" a man for the London matriculation; he was +in business, and the only time he could conveniently give to his +studies was before breakfast. I, just then, had my lodgings near +Hampstead Road; my pupil lived at Knightsbridge; I engaged to be +with him every morning at half-past six, and the walk, at a brisk +pace, took me just about an hour. At that time I saw no severity in +the arrangement, and I was delighted to earn the modest fee which +enabled me to write all day long without fear of hunger; but one +inconvenience attached to it. I had no watch, and my only means of +knowing the time was to hear the striking of a clock in the +neighbourhood. As a rule, I awoke just when I should have done; the +clock struck five, and up I sprang. But occasionally--and this when +the mornings had grown dark--my punctual habit failed me; I would +hear the clock chime some fraction of the hour, and could not know +whether I had awoke too soon or slept too long. The horror of +unpunctuality, which has always been a craze with me, made it +impossible to lie waiting; more than once I dressed and went out +into the street to discover as best I could what time it was, and +one such expedition, I well remember, took place between two and +three o'clock on a morning of foggy rain. + +It happened now and then that, on reaching the house at +Knightsbridge, I was informed that Mr.--felt too tired to rise. +This concerned me little, for it meant no deduction of fee; I had +the two hours' walk, and was all the better for it. Then the +appetite with which I sat down to breakfast, whether I had done my +coaching or not! Bread and butter and coffee--such coffee!--made +the meal, and I ate like a navvy. I was in magnificent spirits. +All the way home I had been thinking of my day's work, and the +morning brain, clarified and whipped to vigour by that brisk +exercise, by that wholesome hunger, wrought its best. The last +mouthful swallowed, I was seated at my writing-table; aye, and there +I sat for seven or eight hours, with a short munching interval, +working as only few men worked in all London, with pleasure, zeal, +hope. . . . + +Yes, yes, those were the good days. They did not last long; before +and after them were cares, miseries, endurance multiform. I have +always felt grateful to Mr.--of Knightsbridge; he gave me a year of +health, and almost of peace. + + +XII + + +A whole day's walk yesterday with no plan; just a long ramble of +hour after hour, entirely enjoyable. It ended at Topsham, where I +sat on the little churchyard terrace, and watched the evening tide +come up the broad estuary. I have a great liking for Topsham, and +that churchyard, overlooking what is not quite sea, yet more than +river, is one of the most restful spots I know. Of course the +association with old Chaucer, who speaks of Topsham sailors, helps +my mood. I came home very tired; but I am not yet decrepit, and for +that I must be thankful. + +The unspeakable blessedness of having a HOME! Much as my +imagination has dwelt upon it for thirty years, I never knew how +deep and exquisite a joy could lie in the assurance that one is AT +HOME for ever. Again and again I come back upon this thought; +nothing but Death can oust me from my abiding place. And Death I +would fain learn to regard as a friend, who will but intensify the +peace I now relish. + +When one is at home, how one's affections grow about everything in +the neighbourhood! I always thought with fondness of this corner of +Devon, but what was that compared with the love which now +strengthens in me day by day! Beginning with my house, every stick +and stone of it is dear to me as my heart's blood; I find myself +laying an affectionate hand on the door-post, giving a pat, as I go +by, to the garden gate. Every tree and shrub in the garden is my +beloved friend; I touch them, when need is, very tenderly, as though +carelessness might pain, or roughness injure them. If I pull up a +weed in the walk, I look at it with a certain sadness before +throwing it away; it belongs to my home. + +And all the country round about. These villages, how delightful are +their names to my ear! I find myself reading with interest all the +local news in the Exeter paper. Not that I care about the people; +with barely one or two exceptions, the people are nothing to me, and +the less I see of them the better I am pleased. But the PLACES grow +ever more dear to me. I like to know of anything that has happened +at Heavitree, or Brampford Speke, or Newton St. Cyres. I begin to +pride myself on knowing every road and lane, every bridle path and +foot-way for miles about. I like to learn the names of farms and of +fields. And all this because here is my abiding place, because I am +home for ever. + +It seems to me that the very clouds that pass above my house are +more interesting and beautiful than clouds elsewhere. + +And to think that at one time I called myself a socialist, +communist, anything you like of the revolutionary kind! Not for +long, to be sure, and I suspect that there was always something in +me that scoffed when my lips uttered such things. Why, no man +living has a more profound sense of property than I; no man ever +lived, who was, in every fibre, more vehemently an individualist. + + +XIII + + +In this high summertide, I remember with a strange feeling that +there are people who, of their free choice, spend day and night in +cities, who throng to the gabble of drawing-rooms, make festival in +public eating-houses, sweat in the glare of the theatre. They call +it life; they call it enjoyment. Why, so it is, for them; they are +so made. The folly is mine, to wonder that they fulfil their +destiny. + +But with what deep and quiet thanksgiving do I remind myself that +never shall I mingle with that well-millinered and tailored herd! +Happily, I never saw much of them. Certain occasions I recall when +a supposed necessity took me into their dismal precincts; a sick +buzzing in the brain, a languor as of exhausted limbs, comes upon me +with the memory. The relief with which I stepped out into the +street again, when all was over! Dear to me then was poverty, which +for the moment seemed to make me a free man. Dear to me was the +labour at my desk, which, by comparison, enabled me to respect +myself. + +Never again shall I shake hands with man or woman who is not in +truth my friend. Never again shall I go to see acquaintances with +whom I have no acquaintance. All men my brothers? Nay, thank +Heaven, that they are not! I will do harm, if I can help it, to no +one; I will wish good to all; but I will make no pretence of +personal kindliness where, in the nature of things, it cannot be +felt. I have grimaced a smile and pattered unmeaning words to many +a person whom I despised or from whom in heart I shrank; I did so +because I had not courage to do otherwise. For a man conscious of +such weakness, the best is to live apart from the world. Brave +Samuel Johnson! One such truth-teller is worth all the moralists +and preachers who ever laboured to humanise mankind. Had HE +withdrawn into solitude, it would have been a national loss. Every +one of his blunt, fearless words had more value than a whole evangel +on the lips of a timidly good man. It is thus that the commonalty, +however well clad, should be treated. So seldom does the fool or +the ruffian in broadcloth hear his just designation; so seldom is +the man found who has a right to address him by it. By the bandying +of insults we profit nothing; there can be no useful rebuke which is +exposed to a tu quoque. But, as the world is, an honest and wise +man should have a rough tongue. Let him speak and spare not! + + +XIV + + +Vituperation of the English climate is foolish. A better climate +does not exist--for healthy people; and it is always as regards the +average native in sound health that a climate must be judged. +Invalids have no right whatever to talk petulantly of the natural +changes of the sky; Nature has not THEM in view; let them (if they +can) seek exceptional conditions for their exceptional state, +leaving behind them many a million of sound, hearty men and women +who take the seasons as they come, and profit by each in turn. In +its freedom from extremes, in its common clemency, even in its +caprice, which at the worst time holds out hope, our island weather +compares well with that of other lands. Who enjoys the fine day of +spring, summer, autumn, or winter so much as an Englishman? His +perpetual talk of the weather is testimony to his keen relish for +most of what it offers him; in lands of blue monotony, even as where +climatic conditions are plainly evil, such talk does not go on. So, +granting that we have bad days not a few, that the east wind takes +us by the throat, that the mists get at our joints, that the sun +hides his glory too often and too long, it is plain that the result +of all comes to good, that it engenders a mood of zest under the +most various aspects of heaven, keeps an edge on our appetite for +open-air life. + +I, of course, am one of the weaklings who, in grumbling at the +weather, merely invite compassion. July, this year, is clouded and +windy, very cheerless even here in Devon; I fret and shiver and +mutter to myself something about southern skies. Pshaw! Were I the +average man of my years, I should be striding over Haldon, caring +not a jot for the heavy sky, finding a score of compensations for +the lack of sun. Can I not have patience? Do I not know that, some +morning, the east will open like a bursting bud into warmth and +splendour, and the azure depths above will have only the more solace +for my starved anatomy because of this protracted disappointment? + + +XV + + +I have been at the seaside--enjoying it, yes, but in what a +doddering, senile sort of way! Is it I who used to drink the strong +wind like wine, who ran exultingly along the wet sands and leapt +from rock to rock, barefoot, on the slippery seaweed, who breasted +the swelling breaker, and shouted with joy as it buried me in +gleaming foam? At the seaside I knew no such thing as bad weather; +there were but changes of eager mood and full-blooded life. Now, if +the breeze blow too roughly, if there come a pelting shower, I must +look for shelter, and sit with my cloak about me. It is but a new +reminder that I do best to stay at home, travelling only in +reminiscence. + +At Weymouth I enjoyed a hearty laugh, one of the good things not +easy to get after middle age. There was a notice of steamboats +which ply along the coast, steamboats recommended to the public as +being "REPLETE WITH LAVATORIES AND A LADIES' SALOON." Think how +many people read this without a chuckle! + + +XVI + + +In the last ten years I have seen a good deal of English inns in +many parts of the country, and it astonishes me to find how bad they +are. Only once or twice have I chanced upon an inn (or, if you +like, hotel) where I enjoyed any sort of comfort. More often than +not, even the beds are unsatisfactory--either pretentiously huge and +choked with drapery, or hard and thinly accoutred. Furnishing is +uniformly hideous, and there is either no attempt at ornament (the +safest thing) or a villainous taste thrusts itself upon one at every +turn. The meals, in general, are coarse and poor in quality, and +served with gross slovenliness. + +I have often heard it said that the touring cyclist has caused the +revival of wayside inns. It may be so, but the touring cyclist +seems to be very easily satisfied. Unless we are greatly deceived +by the old writers, an English inn used to be a delightful resort, +abounding in comfort, and supplied with the best of food; a place, +too, where one was sure of welcome at once hearty and courteous. +The inns of to-day, in country towns and villages, are not in that +good old sense inns at all; they are merely public-houses. The +landlord's chief interest is the sale of liquor. Under his roof you +may, if you choose, eat and sleep, but what you are expected to do +is to drink. Yet, even for drinking, there is no decent +accommodation. You will find what is called a bar-parlour, a stuffy +and dirty room, with crazy chairs, where only the sodden dram-gulper +could imagine himself at ease. Should you wish to write a letter, +only the worst pen and the vilest ink is forthcoming; this, even in +the "commercial room" of many an inn which seems to depend upon the +custom of travelling tradesmen. Indeed, this whole business of +innkeeping is incredibly mismanaged. Most of all does the common +ineptitude or brutality enrage one when it has possession of an old +and picturesque house, such as reminds you of the best tradition, a +house which might be made as comfortable as house can be, a place of +rest and mirth. + +At a public-house you expect public-house manners, and nothing +better will meet you at most of the so-called inns or hotels. It +surprises me to think in how few instances I have found even the +pretence of civility. As a rule, the landlord and landlady are +either contemptuously superior or boorishly familiar; the waiters +and chambermaids do their work with an indifference which only +softens to a condescending interest at the moment of your departure, +when, if the tip be thought insufficient, a sneer or a muttered +insult speeds you on your way. One inn I remember, where, having to +go in and out two or three times in a morning, I always found the +front door blocked by the portly forms of two women, the landlady +and the barmaid, who stood there chatting and surveying the street. +Coming from within the house, I had to call out a request for +passage; it was granted with all deliberation, and with not a +syllable of apology. This was the best "hotel" in a Sussex market +town. + +And the food. Here, beyond doubt, there is grave degeneracy. It is +impossible to suppose that the old travellers by coach were +contented with entertainment such as one gets nowadays at the table +of a country hotel. The cooking is wont to be wretched; the quality +of the meat and vegetables worse than mediocre. What! Shall one +ask in vain at an English inn for an honest chop or steak? Again +and again has my appetite been frustrated with an offer of mere +sinew and scrag. At a hotel where the charge for lunch was five +shillings, I have been sickened with pulpy potatoes and stringy +cabbage. The very joint--ribs or sirloin, leg or shoulder--is +commonly a poor, underfed, sapless thing, scorched in an oven; and +as for the round of beef, it has as good as disappeared--probably +because it asks too much skill in the salting. Then again one's +breakfast bacon; what intolerable stuff, smelling of saltpetre, has +been set before me when I paid the price of the best smoked +Wiltshire! It would be mere indulgence of the spirit of grumbling +to talk about poisonous tea and washy coffee; every one knows that +these drinks cannot be had at public tables; but what if there be +real reason for discontent with one's pint of ale? Often, still, +that draught from the local brewery is sound and invigorating, but +there are grievous exceptions, and no doubt the tendency is here, as +in other things--a falling off, a carelessness, if not a calculating +dishonesty. I foresee the day when Englishmen will have forgotten +how to brew beer; when one's only safety will lie in the draught +imported from Munich. + + +XVII + + +I was taking a meal once at a London restaurant--not one of the +great eating-places to which men most resort, but a small +establishment on the same model in a quiet neighbourhood--when there +entered, and sat down at the next table, a young man of the working +class, whose dress betokened holiday. A glance told me that he felt +anything but at ease; his mind misgave him as he looked about the +long room and at the table before him; and when a waiter came to +offer him the card, he stared blankly in sheepish confusion. Some +strange windfall, no doubt, had emboldened him to enter for the +first time such a place as this, and now that he was here, he +heartily wished himself out in the street again. However, aided by +the waiter's suggestions, he gave an order for a beef-steak and +vegetables. When the dish was served, the poor fellow simply could +not make a start upon it; he was embarrassed by the display of +knives and forks, by the arrangement of the dishes, by the sauce +bottles and the cruet-stand, above all, no doubt, by the assembly of +people not of his class, and the unwonted experience of being waited +upon by a man with a long shirt-front. He grew red; he made the +clumsiest and most futile efforts to transport the meat to his +plate; food was there before him, but, like a very Tantalus, he was +forbidden to enjoy it. Observing with all discretion, I at length +saw him pull out his pocket handkerchief, spread it on the table, +and, with a sudden effort, fork the meat off the dish into this +receptacle. The waiter, aware by this time of the customer's +difficulty, came up and spoke a word to him. Abashed into anger, +the young man roughly asked what he had to pay. It ended in the +waiter's bringing a newspaper, wherein he helped to wrap up meat and +vegetables. Money was flung down, and the victim of a mistaken +ambition hurriedly departed, to satisfy his hunger amid less +unfamiliar surroundings. + +It was a striking and unpleasant illustration of social differences. +Could such a thing happen in any country but England? I doubt it. +The sufferer was of decent appearance, and, with ordinary self- +command, might have taken his meal in the restaurant like any one +else, quite unnoticed. But he belonged to a class which, among all +classes in the world, is distinguished by native clownishness and by +unpliability to novel circumstance. The English lower ranks had +need be marked by certain peculiar virtues to atone for their +deficiencies in other respects. + + +XVIII + + +It is easy to understand that common judgment of foreigners +regarding the English people. Go about in England as a stranger, +travel by rail, live at hotels, see nothing but the broadly public +aspect of things, and the impression left upon you will be one of +hard egoism, of gruffness and sullenness; in a word, of everything +that contrasts most strongly with the ideal of social and civic +life. And yet, as a matter of fact, no nation possesses in so high +a degree the social and civic virtues. The unsociable Englishman, +quotha? Why, what country in the world can show such multifarious, +vigorous and cordial co-operation, in all ranks, but especially, of +course, among the intelligent, for ends which concern the common +good? Unsociable! Why, go where you will in England you can hardly +find a man--nowadays, indeed, scarce an educated woman--who does not +belong to some alliance, for study or sport, for municipal or +national benefit, and who will not be seen, in leisure time, doing +his best as a social being. Take the so-called sleepy market-town; +it is bubbling with all manner of associated activities, and these +of the quite voluntary kind, forms of zealously united effort such +as are never dreamt of in the countries supposed to be eminently +"social." Sociability does not consist in a readiness to talk at +large with the first comer. It is not dependent upon natural grace +and suavity; it is compatible, indeed, with thoroughly awkward and +all but brutal manners. The English have never (at all events, for +some two centuries past) inclined to the purely ceremonial or +mirthful forms of sociability; but as regards every prime interest +of the community--health and comfort, well-being of body and of +soul--their social instinct is supreme. + +Yet it is so difficult to reconcile this indisputable fact with that +other fact, no less obvious, that your common Englishman seems to +have no geniality. From the one point of view, I admire and laud my +fellow countryman; from the other, I heartily dislike him and wish +to see as little of him as possible. One is wont to think of the +English as a genial folk. Have they lost in this respect? Has the +century of science and money-making sensibly affected the national +character? I think always of my experience at the English inn, +where it is impossible not to feel a brutal indifference to the +humane features of life; where food is bolted without attention, +liquor swallowed out of mere habit, where even good-natured accost +is a thing so rare as to be remarkable. + +Two things have to be borne in mind: the extraordinary difference +of demeanour which exists between the refined and the vulgar +English, and the natural difficulty of an Englishman in revealing +his true self save under the most favourable circumstances. + +So striking is the difference of manner between class and class that +the hasty observer might well imagine a corresponding and radical +difference of mind and character. In Russia, I suppose, the social +extremities are seen to be pretty far apart, but, with that possible +exception, I should think no European country can show such a gap as +yawns to the eye between the English gentleman and the English boor. +The boor, of course, is the multitude; the boor impresses himself +upon the traveller. When relieved from his presence, one can be +just to him; one can remember that his virtues--though elementary, +and strictly in need of direction--are the same, to a great extent, +as those of the well-bred man. He does not represent--though +seeming to do so--a nation apart. To understand this multitude, you +must get below its insufferable manners, and learn that very fine +civic qualities can consist with a personal bearing almost wholly +repellent. + +Then, as to the dogged reserve of the educated man, why, I have only +to look into myself. I, it is true, am not quite a representative +Englishman; my self-consciousness, my meditative habit of mind, +rather dim my national and social characteristics; but set me among +a few specimens of the multitude, and am I not at once aware of that +instinctive antipathy, that shrinking into myself, that something +like unto scorn, of which the Englishman is accused by foreigners +who casually meet him? Peculiar to me is the effort to overcome +this first impulse--an effort which often enough succeeds. If I +know myself at all, I am not an ungenial man; and yet I am quite +sure that many people who have known me casually would say that my +fault is a lack of geniality. To show my true self, I must be in +the right mood and the right circumstances--which, after all, is +merely as much as saying that I am decidedly English. + + +XIX + + +On my breakfast table there is a pot of honey. Not the manufactured +stuff sold under that name in shops, but honey of the hive, brought +to me by a neighbouring cottager whose bees often hum in my garden. +It gives, I confess, more pleasure to my eye than to my palate; but +I like to taste of it, because it is honey. + +There is as much difference, said Johnson, between a lettered and an +unlettered man as between the living and the dead; and, in a way, it +was no extravagance. Think merely how one's view of common things +is affected by literary association. What were honey to me if I +knew nothing of Hymettus and Hybla?--if my mind had no stores of +poetry, no memories of romance? Suppose me town-pent, the name +might bring with it some pleasantness of rustic odour; but of what +poor significance even that, if the country were to me mere grass +and corn and vegetables, as to the man who has never read nor wished +to read. For the Poet is indeed a Maker: above the world of sense, +trodden by hidebound humanity, he builds that world of his own +whereto is summoned the unfettered spirit. Why does it delight me +to see the bat flitting at dusk before my window, or to hear the +hoot of the owl when all the ways are dark? I might regard the bat +with disgust, and the owl either with vague superstition or not heed +it at all. But these have their place in the poet's world, and +carry me above this idle present. + +I once passed a night in a little market-town where I had arrived +tired and went to bed early. I slept forthwith, but was presently +awakened by I knew not what; in the darkness there sounded a sort of +music, and, as my brain cleared, I was aware of the soft chiming of +church bells. Why, what hour could it be? I struck a light and +looked at my watch. Midnight. Then a glow came over me. "We have +heard the chimes at midnight, Master Shallow!" Never till then had +I heard them. And the town in which I slept was Evesham, but a few +miles from Stratford-on-Avon. What if those midnight bells had been +to me but as any other, and I had reviled them for breaking my +sleep?--Johnson did not much exaggerate. + + +XX + + +It is the second Jubilee. Bonfires blaze upon the hills, making one +think of the watchman on Agamemnon's citadel. (It were more germane +to the matter to think of Queen Elizabeth and the Armada.) Though +wishing the uproar happily over, I can see the good in it as well as +another man. English monarchy, as we know it, is a triumph of +English common sense. Grant that men cannot do without an overlord; +how to make that over-lordship consist with the largest practical +measure of national and individual liberty? We, at all events, have +for a time solved the question. For a time only, of course; but +consider the history of Europe, and our jubilation is perhaps +justified. + +For sixty years has the British Republic held on its way under one +President. It is wide of the mark to object that other Republics, +which change their President more frequently, support the semblance +of over-lordship at considerably less cost to the people. Britons +are minded for the present that the Head of their State shall be +called King or Queen; the name is pleasant to them; it corresponds +to a popular sentiment, vaguely understood, but still operative, +which is called loyalty. The majority thinking thus, and the system +being found to work more than tolerably well, what purpose could be +served by an attempt at novas res? The nation is content to pay the +price; it is the nation's affair. Moreover, who can feel the least +assurance that a change to one of the common forms of Republicanism +would be for the general advantage? Do we find that countries which +have made the experiment are so very much better off than our own in +point of stable, quiet government and of national welfare? The +theorist scoffs at forms which have survived their meaning, at +privilege which will bear no examination, at compromises which sound +ludicrous, at submissions which seem contemptible; but let him put +forward his practical scheme for making all men rational, +consistent, just. Englishmen, I imagine, are not endowed with these +qualities in any extraordinary degree. Their strength, politically +speaking, lies in a recognition of expediency, complemented by +respect for the established fact. One of the facts particularly +clear to them is the suitability to their minds, their tempers, +their habits, of a system of polity which has been established by +the slow effort of generations within this sea-girt realm. They +have nothing to do with ideals: they never trouble themselves to +think about the Rights of Man. If you talk to them (long enough) +about the rights of the shopman, or the ploughman, or the cat's- +meat-man, they will lend ear, and, when the facts of any such case +have been examined, they will find a way of dealing with them. This +characteristic of theirs they call Common Sense. To them, all +things considered, it has been of vast service; one may even say +that the rest of the world has profited by it not a little. That +Uncommon Sense might now and then have stood them even in better +stead is nothing to the point. The Englishman deals with things as +they are, and first and foremost accepts his own being. + +This Jubilee declares a legitimate triumph of the average man. Look +back for threescore years, and who shall affect to doubt that the +time has been marked by many improvements in the material life of +the English people? Often have they been at loggerheads among +themselves, but they have never flown at each other's throats, and +from every grave dispute has resulted some substantial gain. They +are a cleaner people and a more sober; in every class there is a +diminution of brutality; education--stand for what it may--has +notably extended; certain forms of tyranny have been abolished; +certain forms of suffering, due to heedlessness or ignorance, have +been abated. True, these are mere details; whether they indicate a +solid advance in civilization cannot yet be determined. But +assuredly the average Briton has cause to jubilate; for the +progressive features of the epoch are such as he can understand and +approve, whereas the doubt which may be cast upon its ethical +complexion is for him either non-existent or unintelligible. So let +cressets flare into the night from all the hills! It is no +purchased exultation, no servile flattery. The People acclaims +itself, yet not without genuine gratitude and affection towards the +Representative of its glory and its power. The Constitutional +Compact has been well preserved. Review the record of kingdoms, and +say how often it has come to pass that sovereign and people rejoiced +together over bloodless victories. + + +XXI + + +At an inn in the north I once heard three men talking at their +breakfast on the question of diet. They agreed that most people ate +too much meat, and one of them went so far as to declare that, for +his part, he rather preferred vegetables and fruit. "Why," he said, +"will you believe me that I sometimes make a breakfast of apples?" +This announcement was received in silence; evidently the two +listeners didn't quite know what to think of it. Thereupon the +speaker, in rather a blustering tone, cried out, "Yes, I can make a +very good breakfast on TWO OR THREE POUNDS OF APPLES." + +Wasn't it amusing? And wasn't it characteristic? This honest +Briton had gone too far in frankness. 'Tis all very well to like +vegetables and fruits up to a certain point; but to breakfast on +apples! His companions' silence proved that they were just a little +ashamed of him; his confession savoured of poverty or meanness; to +right himself in their opinion, nothing better occurred to the man +than to protest that he ate apples, yes, but not merely one or two; +he ate them largely, BY THE POUND! I laughed at the fellow, but I +thoroughly understood him; so would every Englishman; for at the +root of our being is a hatred of parsimony. This manifests itself +in all sorts of ludicrous or contemptible forms, but no less is it +the source of our finest qualities. An Englishman desires, above +all, to live largely; on that account he not only dreads, but hates +and despises, poverty. His virtues are those of the free-handed and +warm-hearted opulent man; his weaknesses come of the sense of +inferiority (intensely painful and humiliating) which attaches in +his mind to one who cannot spend and give; his vices, for the most +part, originate in loss of self-respect due to loss of secure +position. + + +XXII + + +For a nation of this temper, the movement towards democracy is +fraught with peculiar dangers. Profoundly aristocratic in his +sympathies, the Englishman has always seen in the patrician class +not merely a social, but a moral, superiority; the man of blue blood +was to him a living representative of those potencies and virtues +which made his ideal of the worthy life. Very significant is the +cordial alliance from old time between nobles and people; free, +proud homage on one side answering to gallant championship on the +other; both classes working together in the cause of liberty. +However great the sacrifices of the common folk for the maintenance +of aristocratic power and splendour, they were gladly made; this was +the Englishman's religion, his inborn pietas; in the depths of the +dullest soul moved a perception of the ethic meaning attached to +lordship. Your Lord was the privileged being endowed by descent +with generous instincts, and possessed of means to show them forth +in act. A poor noble was a contradiction in terms; if such a person +existed, he could only be spoken of with wondering sadness, as +though he were the victim of some freak of nature. The Lord was +Honourable, Right Honourable; his acts, his words virtually +constituted the code of honour whereby the nation lived. + +In a new world, beyond the ocean, there grew up a new race, a scion +of England, which shaped its life without regard to the principle of +hereditary lordship; and in course of time this triumphant Republic +began to shake the ideals of the Motherland. Its civilization, +spite of superficial resemblances, is not English; let him who will +think it superior; all one cares to say is that it has already shown +in a broad picture the natural tendencies of English blood when +emancipated from the old cult. Easy to understand that some there +are who see nothing but evil in the influence of that vast +commonwealth. If it has done us good, assuredly the fact is not yet +demonstrable. In old England, democracy is a thing so alien to our +traditions and rooted sentiment that the line of its progress seems +hitherto a mere track of ruin. In the very word is something from +which we shrink; it seems to signify nothing less than a national +apostasy, a denial of the faith in which we won our glory. The +democratic Englishman is, by the laws of his own nature, in parlous +case; he has lost the ideal by which he guided his rude, prodigal, +domineering instincts; in place of the Right Honourable, born to +noble things, he has set up the mere Plebs, born, more likely than +not, for all manner of baseness. And, amid all his show of loud +self-confidence, the man is haunted with misgiving. + +The task before us is no light one. Can we, whilst losing the +class, retain the idea it embodied? Can we English, ever so subject +to the material, liberate ourselves from that old association, yet +guard its meaning in the sphere of spiritual life? Can we, with +eyes which have ceased to look reverently on worn-out symbols, learn +to select from among the grey-coated multitude, and place in +reverence even higher him who "holds his patent of nobility straight +from Almighty God"? Upon that depends the future of England. In +days gone by, our very Snob bore testimony after his fashion to our +scorn of meanness; he at all events imagined himself to be imitating +those who were incapable of a sordid transaction, of a plebeian +compliance. But the Snob, one notes, is in the way of degeneracy; +he has new exemplars; he speaks a ruder language. Him, be sure, in +one form or another, we shall have always with us, and to observe +his habits is to note the tenor of the time. If he have at the back +of his dim mind no living ideal which lends his foolishness a +generous significance, then indeed--videant consules. + + +XXIII + + +A visit from N-. He stayed with me two days, and I wish he could +have stayed a third. (Beyond the third day, I am not sure that any +man would be wholly welcome. My strength will bear but a certain +amount of conversation, even the pleasantest, and before long I +desire solitude, which is rest.) + +The mere sight of N-, to say nothing of his talk, did me good. If +appearances can ever be trusted, there are few men who get more +enjoyment out of life. His hardships were never excessive; they did +not affect his health or touch his spirits; probably he is in every +way a better man for having--as he says--"gone through the mill." +His recollection of the time when he had to work hard for a five- +pound note, and was not always sure of getting it, obviously lends +gusto to his present state of ease. I persuaded him to talk about +his successes, and to give me a glimpse of their meaning in solid +cash. Last Midsummer day, his receipts for the twelvemonth were +more than two thousand pounds. Nothing wonderful, of course, +bearing in mind what some men are making by their pen; but very good +for a writer who does not address the baser throng. Two thousand +pounds in a year! I gazed at him with wonder and admiration. + +I have known very few prosperous men of letters; N- represents for +me the best and brightest side of literary success. Say what one +will after a lifetime of disillusion, the author who earns largely +by honest and capable work is among the few enviable mortals. Think +of N-'s existence. No other man could do what he is doing, and he +does it with ease. Two, or at most three, hours' work a day--and +that by no means every day--suffices to him. Like all who write, he +has his unfruitful times, his mental worries, his disappointments, +but these bear no proportion to the hours of happy and effective +labour. Every time I see him he looks in better health, for of late +years he has taken much more exercise, and he is often travelling. +He is happy in his wife and children; the thought of all the +comforts and pleasures he is able to give them must be a constant +joy to him; were he to die, his family is safe from want. He has +friends and acquaintances as many as he desires; congenial folk +gather at his table; he is welcome in pleasant houses near and far; +his praise is upon the lips of all whose praise is worth having. +With all this, he has the good sense to avoid manifest dangers; he +has not abandoned his privacy, and he seems to be in no danger of +being spoilt by good fortune. His work is more to him than a means +of earning money; he talks about a book he has in hand almost as +freshly and keenly as in the old days, when his annual income was +barely a couple of hundred. I note, too, that his leisure is not +swamped with the publications of the day; he reads as many old books +as new, and keeps many of his early enthusiasms. + +He is one of the men I heartily like. That he greatly cares for me +I do not suppose, but this has nothing to do with the matter; enough +that he likes my society well enough to make a special journey down +into Devon. I represent to him, of course, the days gone by, and +for their sake he will always feel an interest in me. Being ten +years my junior, he must naturally regard me as an old buffer; I +notice, indeed, that he is just a little too deferential at moments. +He feels a certain respect for some of my work, but thinks, I am +sure, that I ceased writing none too soon--which is very true. If I +had not been such a lucky fellow--if at this moment I were still +toiling for bread--it is probable that he and I would see each other +very seldom; for N- has delicacy, and would shrink from bringing his +high-spirited affluence face to face with Grub Street squalor and +gloom; whilst I, on the other hand, should hate to think that he +kept up my acquaintance from a sense of decency. As it is we are +very good friends, quite unembarrassed, and--for a couple of days-- +really enjoy the sight and hearing of each other. That I am able to +give him a comfortable bedroom, and set before him an eatable +dinner, flatters my pride. If I chose at any time to accept his +hearty invitation, I can do so without moral twinges. + +Two thousand pounds! If, at N-'s age, I had achieved that income, +what would have been the result upon me? Nothing but good, I know; +but what form would the good have taken? Should I have become a +social man, a giver of dinners, a member of clubs? Or should I +merely have begun, ten years sooner, the life I am living now? That +is more likely. + +In my twenties I used to say to myself: what a splendid thing it +will be WHEN I am the possessor of a thousand pounds! Well, I have +never possessed that sum--never anything like it--and now never +shall. Yet it was not an extravagant ambition, methinks, however +primitive. + +As we sat in the garden dusk, the scent of our pipes mingling with +that of roses, N- said to me in a laughing tone: "Come now, tell me +how you felt when you first heard of your legacy?" And I could not +tell him; I had nothing to say; no vivid recollection of the moment +would come back to me. I am afraid N- thought he had been +indiscreet, for he passed quickly to another subject. Thinking it +over now, I see, of course, that it would be impossible to put into +words the feeling of that supreme moment of life. It was not joy +that possessed me; I did not exult; I did not lose control of myself +in any way. But I remember drawing one or two deep sighs, as if all +at once relieved of some distressing burden or constraint. Only +some hours after did I begin to feel any kind of agitation. That +night I did not close my eyes; the night after I slept longer and +more soundly than I remember to have done for a score of years. +Once or twice in the first week I had a hysterical feeling; I scarce +kept myself from shedding tears. And the strange thing is that it +seems to have happened so long ago; I seem to have been a free man +for many a twelvemonth, instead of only for two. Indeed, that is +what I have often thought about forms of true happiness; the brief +are quite as satisfying as those that last long. I wanted, before +my death, to enjoy liberty from care, and repose in a place I love. +That was granted me; and, had I known it only for one whole year, +the sum of my enjoyment would have been no whit less than if I live +to savour it for a decade. + + +XXIV + + +The honest fellow who comes to dig in my garden is puzzled to +account for my peculiarities; I often catch a look of wondering +speculation in his eye when it turns upon me. It is all because I +will not let him lay out flower-beds in the usual way, and make the +bit of ground in front of the house really neat and ornamental. At +first he put it down to meanness, but he knows by now that that +cannot be the explanation. That I really prefer a garden so poor +and plain that every cottager would be ashamed of it, he cannot +bring himself to believe, and of course I have long since given up +trying to explain myself. The good man probably concludes that too +many books and the habit of solitude have somewhat affected what he +would call my "reasons." + +The only garden flowers I care for are the quite old-fashioned +roses, sunflowers, hollyhocks, lilies and so on, and these I like to +see growing as much as possible as if they were wild. Trim and +symmetrical beds are my abhorrence, and most of the flowers which +are put into them--hybrids with some grotesque name--Jonesia, +Snooksia--hurt my eyes. On the other hand, a garden is a garden, +and I would not try to introduce into it the flowers which are my +solace in lanes and fields. Foxgloves, for instance--it would pain +me to see them thus transplanted. + +I think of foxgloves, for it is the moment of their glory. +Yesterday I went to the lane which I visit every year at this time, +the deep, rutty cart-track, descending between banks covered with +giant fronds of the polypodium, and overhung with wych-elm and +hazel, to that cool, grassy nook where the noble flowers hang on +stems all but of my own height. Nowhere have I seen finer +foxgloves. I suppose they rejoice me so because of early memories-- +to a child it is the most impressive of wild flowers; I would walk +miles any day to see a fine cluster, as I would to see the shining +of purple loosestrife by the water edge, or white lilies floating +upon the still depth. + +But the gardener and I understand each other as soon as we go to the +back of the house, and get among the vegetables. On that ground he +finds me perfectly sane. And indeed I am not sure that the kitchen +garden does not give me more pleasure than the domain of flowers. +Every morning I step round before breakfast to see how things are +"coming on." It is happiness to note the swelling of pods, the +healthy vigour of potato plants, aye, even the shooting up of +radishes and cress. This year I have a grove of Jerusalem +artichokes; they are seven or eight feet high, and I seem to get +vigour as I look at the stems which are all but trunks, at the great +beautiful leaves. Delightful, too, are the scarlet runners, which +have to be propped again and again, or they would break down under +the abundance of their yield. It is a treat to me to go among them +with a basket, gathering; I feel as though Nature herself showed +kindness to me, in giving me such abundant food. How fresh and +wholesome are the odours--especially if a shower has fallen not long +ago! + +I have some magnificent carrots this year--straight, clean, +tapering, the colour a joy to look upon. + + +XXV + + +For two things do my thoughts turn now and then to London. I should +like to hear the long note of a master's violin, or the faultless +cadence of an exquisite voice, and I should like to see pictures. +Music and painting have always meant much to me; here I can enjoy +them only in memory. + +Of course there is the discomfort of concert-hall and exhibition- +rooms. My pleasure in the finest music would be greatly spoilt by +having to sit amid a crowd, with some idiot audible on right hand or +left, and the show of pictures would give me a headache in the first +quarter of an hour. Non sum qualis eram when I waited several hours +at the gallery door to hear Patti, and knew not a moment's fatigue +to the end of the concert; or when, at the Academy, I was astonished +to find that it was four o'clock, and I had forgotten food since +breakfast. The truth is, I do not much enjoy anything nowadays +which I cannot enjoy ALONE. It sounds morose; I imagine the comment +of good people if they overheard such a confession. Ought I, in +truth, to be ashamed of it? + +I always read the newspaper articles on exhibitions of pictures, and +with most pleasure when the pictures are landscapes. The mere names +of paintings often gladden me for a whole day--those names which +bring before the mind a bit of seashore, a riverside, a glimpse of +moorland or of woods. However feeble his criticism, the journalist +generally writes with appreciation of these subjects; his +descriptions carry me away to all sorts of places which I shall +never see again with the bodily eye, and I thank him for his +unconscious magic. Much better this, after all, than really going +to London and seeing the pictures themselves. They would not +disappoint me; I love and honour even the least of English landscape +painters; but I should try to see too many at once, and fall back +into my old mood of tired grumbling at the conditions of modern +life. For a year or two I have grumbled little--all the better for +me. + + +XXVI + + +Of late, I have been wishing for music. An odd chance gratified my +desire. + +I had to go into Exeter yesterday. I got there about sunset, +transacted my business, and turned to walk home again through the +warm twilight. In Southernhay, as I was passing a house of which +the ground-floor windows stood open, there sounded the notes of a +piano--chords touched by a skilful hand. I checked my step, hoping, +and in a minute or two the musician began to play that nocturne of +Chopin which I love best--I don't know how to name it. My heart +leapt. There I stood in the thickening dusk, the glorious sounds +floating about me; and I trembled with very ecstasy of enjoyment. +When silence came, I waited in the hope of another piece, but +nothing followed, and so I went my way. + +It is well for me that I cannot hear music when I will; assuredly I +should not have such intense pleasure as comes to me now and then by +haphazard. As I walked on, forgetting all about the distance, and +reaching home before I knew I was half way there, I felt gratitude +to my unknown benefactor--a state of mind I have often experienced +in the days long gone by. It happened at times--not in my barest +days, but in those of decent poverty--that some one in the house +where I lodged played the piano--and how it rejoiced me when this +came to pass! I say "played the piano"--a phrase that covers much. +For my own part, I was very tolerant; anything that could by the +largest interpretation be called music, I welcomed and was thankful; +for even "five-finger exercises" I found, at moments, better than +nothing. For it was when I was labouring at my desk that the notes +of the instrument were grateful and helpful to me. Some men, I +believe, would have been driven frantic under the circumstances; to +me, anything like a musical sound always came as a godsend; it tuned +my thoughts; it made the words flow. Even the street organs put me +in a happy mood; I owe many a page to them--written when I should +else have been sunk in bilious gloom. + +More than once, too, when I was walking London streets by night, +penniless and miserable, music from an open window has stayed my +step, even as yesterday. Very well can I remember such a moment in +Eaton Square, one night when I was going back to Chelsea, tired, +hungry, racked by frustrate passions. I had tramped miles and +miles, in the hope of wearying myself so that I could sleep and +forget. Then came the piano notes--I saw that there was festival in +the house--and for an hour or so I revelled as none of the bidden +guests could possibly be doing. And when I reached my poor +lodgings, I was no longer envious nor mad with desires, but as I +fell asleep I thanked the unknown mortal who had played for me, and +given me peace. + + +XXVII + + +To-day I have read The Tempest. It is perhaps the play that I love +best, and, because I seem to myself to know it so well, I commonly +pass it over in opening the book. Yet, as always in regard to +Shakespeare, having read it once more, I find that my knowledge was +less complete than I supposed. So it would be, live as long as one +might; so it would ever be, whilst one had strength to turn the +pages and a mind left to read them. + +I like to believe that this was the poet's last work, that he wrote +it in his home at Stratford, walking day by day in the fields which +had taught his boyhood to love rural England. It is ripe fruit of +the supreme imagination, perfect craft of the master hand. For a +man whose life's business it has been to study the English tongue, +what joy can equal that of marking the happy ease wherewith +Shakespeare surpasses, in mere command of words, every achievement +of those even who, apart from him, are great? I could fancy that, +in The Tempest, he wrought with a peculiar consciousness of this +power, smiling as the word of inimitable felicity, the phrase of +incomparable cadence, was whispered to him by the Ariel that was his +genius. He seems to sport with language, to amuse himself with new +discovery of its resources. From king to beggar, men of every rank +and every order of mind have spoken with his lips; he has uttered +the lore of fairyland; now it pleases him to create a being neither +man nor fairy, a something between brute and human nature, and to +endow its purposes with words. These words, how they smack of the +moist and spawning earth, of the life of creatures that cannot rise +above the soil! We do not think of it enough; we stint our wonder +because we fall short in appreciation. A miracle is worked before +us, and we scarce give heed; it has become familiar to our minds as +any other of nature's marvels, which we rarely pause to reflect +upon. + +The Tempest contains the noblest meditative passage in all the +plays; that which embodies Shakespeare's final view of life, and is +the inevitable quotation of all who would sum the teachings of +philosophy. It contains his most exquisite lyrics, his tenderest +love passages, and one glimpse of fairyland which--I cannot but +think--outshines the utmost beauty of A Midsummer Night's Dream: +Prospero's farewell to the "elves of hills, brooks, standing lakes, +and groves." Again a miracle; these are things which cannot be +staled by repetition. Come to them often as you will, they are ever +fresh as though new minted from the brain of the poet. Being +perfect, they can never droop under that satiety which arises from +the perception of fault; their virtue can never be so entirely +savoured as to leave no pungency of gusto for the next approach. + +Among the many reasons which make me glad to have been born in +England, one of the first is that I read Shakespeare in my mother +tongue. If I try to imagine myself as one who cannot know him face +to face, who hears him only speaking from afar, and that in accents +which only through the labouring intelligence can touch the living +soul, there comes upon me a sense of chill discouragement, of dreary +deprivation. I am wont to think that I can read Homer, and, +assuredly, if any man enjoys him, it is I; but can I for a moment +dream that Homer yields me all his music, that his word is to me as +to him who walked by the Hellenic shore when Hellas lived? I know +that there reaches me across the vast of time no more than a faint +and broken echo; I know that it would be fainter still, but for its +blending with those memories of youth which are as a glimmer of the +world's primeval glory. Let every land have joy of its poet; for +the poet is the land itself, all its greatness and its sweetness, +all that incommunicable heritage for which men live and die. As I +close the book, love and reverence possess me. Whether does my full +heart turn to the great Enchanter, or to the Island upon which he +has laid his spell? I know not. I cannot think of them apart. In +the love and reverence awakened by that voice of voices, Shakespeare +and England are but one. + + + +AUTUMN + + + +I + + +This has been a year of long sunshine. Month has followed upon +month with little unkindness of the sky; I scarcely marked when July +passed into August, August into September. I should think it summer +still, but that I see the lanes yellow-purfled with flowers of +autumn. + +I am busy with the hawkweeds; that is to say, I am learning to +distinguish and to name as many as I can. For scientific +classification I have little mind; it does not happen to fall in +with my habits of thought; but I like to be able to give its name +(the "trivial" by choice) to every flower I meet in my walks. Why +should I be content to say, "Oh, it's a hawkweed"? That is but one +degree less ungracious than if I dismissed all the yellow-rayed as +"dandelions." I feel as if the flower were pleased by my +recognition of its personality. Seeing how much I owe them, one and +all, the least I can do is to greet them severally. For the same +reason I had rather say "hawkweed" than "hieracium"; the homelier +word has more of kindly friendship. + + +II + + +How the mood for a book sometimes rushes upon one, either one knows +not why, or in consequence, perhaps, of some most trifling +suggestion. Yesterday I was walking at dusk. I came to an old +farmhouse; at the garden gate a vehicle stood waiting, and I saw it +was our doctor's gig. Having passed, I turned to look back. There +was a faint afterglow in the sky beyond the chimneys; a light +twinkled at one of the upper windows. I said to myself, "Tristram +Shandy," and hurried home to plunge into a book which I have not +opened for I dare say twenty years. + +Not long ago, I awoke one morning and suddenly thought of the +Correspondence between Goethe and Schiller; and so impatient did I +become to open the book that I got up an hour earlier than usual. A +book worth rising for; much better worth than old Burton, who pulled +Johnson out of bed. A book which helps one to forget the idle or +venomous chatter going on everywhere about us, and bids us cherish +hope for a world "which has such people in't." + +These volumes I had at hand; I could reach them down from my shelves +at the moment when I hungered for them. But it often happens that +the book which comes into my mind could only be procured with +trouble and delay; I breathe regretfully and put aside the thought. +Ah! the books that one will never read again. They gave delight, +perchance something more; they left a perfume in the memory; but +life has passed them by for ever. I have but to muse, and one after +another they rise before me. Books gentle and quieting; books noble +and inspiring; books that well merit to be pored over, not once but +many a time. Yet never again shall I hold them in my hand; the +years fly too quickly, and are too few. Perhaps when I lie waiting +for the end, some of those lost books will come into my wandering +thoughts, and I shall remember them as friends to whom I owed a +kindness--friends passed upon the way. What regret in that last +farewell! + + +III + + +Every one, I suppose, is subject to a trick of mind which often +puzzles me. I am reading or thinking, and at a moment, without any +association or suggestion that I can discover, there rises before me +the vision of a place I know. Impossible to explain why that +particular spot should show itself to my mind's eye; the cerebral +impulse is so subtle that no search may trace its origin. If I am +reading, doubtless a thought, a phrase, possibly a mere word, on the +page before me serves to awaken memory. If I am otherwise occupied, +it must be an object seen, an odour, a touch; perhaps even a posture +of the body suffices to recall something in the past. Sometimes the +vision passes, and there an end; sometimes, however, it has +successors, the memory working quite independently of my will, and +no link appearing between one scene and the next. + +Ten minutes ago I was talking with my gardener. Our topic was the +nature of the soil, whether or not it would suit a certain kind of +vegetable. Of a sudden I found myself gazing at--the Bay of Avlona. +Quite certainly my thoughts had not strayed in that direction. The +picture that came before me caused me a shock of surprise, and I am +still vainly trying to discover how I came to behold it. + +A happy chance that I ever saw Avlona. I was on my way from Corfu +to Brindisi. The steamer sailed late in the afternoon; there was a +little wind, and as the December night became chilly, I soon turned +in. With the first daylight I was on deck, expecting to find that +we were near the Italian port; to my surprise, I saw a mountainous +shore, towards which the ship was making at full speed. On inquiry, +I learnt that this was the coast of Albania; our vessel not being +very seaworthy, and the wind still blowing a little (though not +enough to make any passenger uncomfortable), the captain had turned +back when nearly half across the Adriatic, and was seeking a haven +in the shelter of the snow-topped hills. Presently we steamed into +a great bay, in the narrow mouth of which lay an island. My map +showed me where we were, and with no small interest I discovered +that the long line of heights guarding the bay on its southern side +formed the Acroceraunian Promontory. A little town visible high up +on the inner shore was the ancient Aulon. + +Here we anchored, and lay all day long. Provisions running short, a +boat had to be sent to land, and the sailors purchased, among other +things, some peculiarly detestable bread--according to them, cotto +al sole. There was not a cloud in the sky; till evening, the wind +whistled above our heads, but the sea about us was blue and smooth. +I sat in hot sunshine, feasting my eyes on the beautiful cliffs and +valleys of the thickly-wooded shore. Then came a noble sunset; then +night crept gently into the hollows of the hills, which now were +coloured the deepest, richest green. A little lighthouse began to +shine. In the perfect calm that had fallen, I heard breakers +murmuring softly upon the beach. + +At sunrise we entered the port of Brindisi. + + +IV + + +The characteristic motive of English poetry is love of nature, +especially of nature as seen in the English rural landscape. From +the "Cuckoo Song" of our language in its beginnings to the perfect +loveliness of Tennyson's best verse, this note is ever sounding. It +is persistent even amid the triumph of the drama. Take away from +Shakespeare all his bits of natural description, all his casual +allusions to the life and aspects of the country, and what a loss +were there! The reign of the iambic couplet confined, but could not +suppress, this native music; Pope notwithstanding, there came the +"Ode to Evening" and that "Elegy" which, unsurpassed for beauty of +thought and nobility of utterance in all the treasury of our lyrics, +remains perhaps the most essentially English poem ever written. + +This attribute of our national mind availed even to give rise to an +English school of painting. It came late; that it ever came at all +is remarkable enough. A people apparently less apt for that kind of +achievement never existed. So profound is the English joy in meadow +and stream and hill, that, unsatisfied at last with vocal +expression, it took up the brush, the pencil, the etching tool, and +created a new form of art. The National Gallery represents only in +a very imperfect way the richness and variety of our landscape work. +Were it possible to collect, and suitably to display, the very best +of such work in every vehicle, I know not which would be the +stronger emotion in an English heart, pride or rapture. + +One obvious reason for the long neglect of Turner lies in the fact +that his genius does not seem to be truly English. Turner's +landscape, even when it presents familiar scenes, does not show them +in the familiar light. Neither the artist nor the intelligent +layman is satisfied. He gives us glorious visions; we admit the +glory--but we miss something which we deem essential. I doubt +whether Turner tasted rural England; I doubt whether the spirit of +English poetry was in him; I doubt whether the essential +significance of the common things which we call beautiful was +revealed to his soul. Such doubt does not affect his greatness as a +poet in colour and in form, but I suspect that it has always been +the cause why England could not love him. If any man whom I knew to +be a man of brains confessed to me that he preferred Birket Foster, +I should smile--but I should understand. + + +V + + +A long time since I wrote in this book. In September I caught a +cold, which meant three weeks' illness. + +I have not been suffering; merely feverish and weak and unable to +use my mind for anything but a daily hour or two of the lightest +reading. The weather has not favoured my recovery, wet winds often +blowing, and not much sun. Lying in bed, I have watched the sky, +studied the clouds, which--so long as they are clouds indeed, and +not a mere waste of grey vapour--always have their beauty. +Inability to read has always been my horror; once, a trouble of the +eyes all but drove me mad with fear of blindness; but I find that in +my present circumstances, in my own still house, with no intrusion +to be dreaded, with no task or care to worry me, I can fleet the +time not unpleasantly even without help of books. Reverie, unknown +to me in the days of bondage, has brought me solace; I hope it has a +little advanced me in wisdom. + +For not, surely, by deliberate effort of thought does a man grow +wise. The truths of life are not discovered by us. At moments +unforeseen, some gracious influence descends upon the soul, touching +it to an emotion which, we know not how, the mind transmutes into +thought. This can happen only in a calm of the senses, a surrender +of the whole being to passionless contemplation. I understand, now, +the intellectual mood of the quietist. + +Of course my good housekeeper has tended me perfectly, with the +minimum of needless talk. Wonderful woman! + +If the evidence of a well-spent life is necessarily seen in "honour, +love, obedience, troops of friends," mine, it is clear, has fallen +short of a moderate ideal. Friends I have had, and have; but very +few. Honour and obedience--why, by a stretch, Mrs. M- may perchance +represent these blessings. As for love--? + +Let me tell myself the truth. Do I really believe that at any time +of my life I have been the kind of man who merits affection? I +think not. I have always been much too self-absorbed; too critical +of all about me; too unreasonably proud. Such men as I live and die +alone, however much in appearance accompanied. I do not repine at +it; nay, lying day after day in solitude and silence, I have felt +glad that it was so. At least I give no one trouble, and that is +much. Most solemnly do I hope that in the latter days no long +illness awaits me. May I pass quickly from this life of quiet +enjoyment to the final peace. So shall no one think of me with +pained sympathy or with weariness. One--two--even three may +possibly feel regret, come the end how it may, but I do not flatter +myself that to them I am more than an object of kindly thought at +long intervals. It is enough; it signifies that I have not erred +wholly. And when I think that my daily life testifies to an act of +kindness such as I could never have dreamt of meriting from the man +who performed it, may I not be much more than content? + + +VI + + +How I envy those who become prudent without thwackings of +experience! Such men seem to be not uncommon. I don't mean cold- +blooded calculators of profit and loss in life's possibilities; nor +yet the plodding dull, who never have imagination enough to quit the +beaten track of security; but bright-witted and large-hearted +fellows who seem always to be led by common sense, who go steadily +from stage to stage of life, doing the right, the prudent things, +guilty of no vagaries, winning respect by natural progress, seldom +needing aid themselves, often helpful to others, and, through all, +good-tempered, deliberate, happy. How I envy them! + +For of myself it might be said that whatever folly is possible to a +moneyless man, that folly I have at one time or another committed. +Within my nature there seemed to be no faculty of rational self- +guidance. Boy and man, I blundered into every ditch and bog which +lay within sight of my way. Never did silly mortal reap such +harvest of experience; never had any one so many bruises to show for +it. Thwack, thwack! No sooner had I recovered from one sound +drubbing than I put myself in the way of another. "Unpractical" I +was called by those who spoke mildly; "idiot"--I am sure--by many a +ruder tongue. And idiot I see myself, whenever I glance back over +the long, devious road. Something, obviously, I lacked from the +beginning, some balancing principle granted to most men in one or +another degree. I had brains, but they were no help to me in the +common circumstances of life. But for the good fortune which +plucked me out of my mazes and set me in paradise, I should no doubt +have blundered on to the end. The last thwack of experience would +have laid me low just when I was becoming really a prudent man. + + +VII + + +This morning's sunshine faded amid slow-gathering clouds, but +something of its light seems still to linger in the air, and to +touch the rain which is falling softly. I hear a pattering upon the +still leafage of the garden; it is a sound which lulls, and tunes +the mind to calm thoughtfulness. + +I have a letter to-day from my old friend in Germany, E. B. For +many and many a year these letters have made a pleasant incident in +my life; more than that, they have often brought me help and +comfort. It must be a rare thing for friendly correspondence to go +on during the greater part of a lifetime between men of different +nationalities who see each other not twice in two decades. We were +young men when we first met in London, poor, struggling, full of +hopes and ideals; now we look back upon those far memories from the +autumn of life. B. writes to-day in a vein of quiet contentment, +which does me good. He quotes Goethe: "Was man in der Jugend +begehrt hat man im Alter die Fulle." + +These words of Goethe's were once a hope to me; later, they made me +shake my head incredulously; now I smile to think how true they have +proved in my own case. But what, exactly, do they mean? Are they +merely an expression of the optimistic spirit? If so, optimism has +to content itself with rather doubtful generalities. Can it truly +be said that most men find the wishes of their youth satisfied in +later life? Ten years ago, I should have utterly denied it, and +could have brought what seemed to me abundant evidence in its +disproof. And as regards myself, is it not by mere happy accident +that I pass my latter years in such enjoyment of all I most desired? +Accident--but there is no such thing. I might just as well have +called it an accident had I succeeded in earning the money on which +now I live. + +From the beginning of my manhood, it is true, I longed for bookish +leisure; that, assuredly, is seldom even one of the desires in a +young man's heart, but perhaps it is one of those which may most +reasonably look for gratification later on. What, however, of the +multitudes who aim only at wealth, for the power and the pride and +the material pleasures which it represents? We know very well that +few indeed are successful in that aim; and, missing it, do they not +miss everything? For them, are not Goethe's words mere mockery? + +Apply them to mankind at large, and perhaps, after all, they are +true. The fact of national prosperity and contentment implies, +necessarily, the prosperity and contentment of the greater number of +the individuals of which the nation consists. In other words, the +average man who is past middle life has obtained what he strove for- +-success in his calling. As a young man, he would not, perhaps, +have set forth his aspirations so moderately, but do they not, as a +fact, amount to this? In defence of the optimistic view, one may +urge how rare it is to meet with an elderly man who harbours a +repining spirit. True; but I have always regarded as a fact of +infinite pathos the ability men have to subdue themselves to the +conditions of life. Contentment so often means resignation, +abandonment of the hope seen to be forbidden. + +I cannot resolve this doubt. + + +VIII + + +I have been reading Sainte-Beuve's Port Royal, a book I have often +thought of reading, but its length, and my slight interest in that +period, always held me aloof. Happily, chance and mood came +together, and I am richer by a bit of knowledge well worth +acquiring. It is the kind of book which, one may reasonably say, +tends to edification. One is better for having lived a while with +"Messieurs de Port-Royal"; the best of them were, surely, not far +from the Kingdom of Heaven. + +Theirs is not, indeed, the Christianity of the first age; we are +among theologians, and the shadow of dogma has dimmed those divine +hues of the early morning, yet ever and anon there comes a cool, +sweet air, which seems not to have blown across man's common world, +which bears no taint of mortality. + +A gallery of impressive and touching portraits. The great-souled M. +de Saint-Cyran, with his vision of Christ restored; M. Le Maitre, +who, at the summit of a brilliant career, turned from the world to +meditation and penitence; Pascal, with his genius and his triumphs, +his conflicts of soul and fleshly martyrdom; Lancelot, the good +Lancelot, ideal schoolmaster, who wrote grammar and edited classical +books; the vigorous Arnauld, doctoral rather than saintly, but long- +suffering for the faith that was in him; and all the smaller names-- +Walon de Beaupuis, Nicole, Hamon--spirits of exquisite humility and +sweetness--a perfume rises from the page as one reads about them. +But best of all I like M. de Tillemont; I could have wished for +myself even such a life as his; wrapped in silence and calm, a life +of gentle devotion and zealous study. From the age of fourteen, he +said, his intellect had occupied itself with but one subject, that +of ecclesiastical history. Rising at four o'clock, he read and +wrote until half-past nine in the evening, interrupting his work +only to say the Offices of the Church, and for a couple of hours' +breathing at mid-day. Few were his absences. When he had to make a +journey, he set forth on foot, staff in hand, and lightened the way +by singing to himself a psalm or canticle. This man of profound +erudition had as pure and simple a heart as ever dwelt in mortal. +He loved to stop by the road and talk with children, and knew how to +hold their attention whilst teaching them a lesson. Seeing boy or +girl in charge of a cow, he would ask: "How is it that you, a +little child, are able to control that animal, so much bigger and +stronger?" And he would show the reason, speaking of the human +soul. All this about Tillemont is new to me; well as I knew his +name (from the pages of Gibbon), I thought of him merely as the +laborious and accurate compiler of historical materials. Admirable +as was his work, the spirit in which he performed it is the thing to +dwell upon; he studied for study's sake, and with no aim but truth; +to him it was a matter of indifference whether his learning ever +became known among men, and at any moment he would have given the +fruits of his labour to any one capable of making use of them. + +Think of the world in which the Jansenists were living; the world of +the Fronde, of Richelieu and Mazarin, of his refulgent Majesty Louis +XIV. Contrast Port-Royal with Versailles, and--whatever one's +judgment of their religious and ecclesiastical aims--one must needs +say that these men lived with dignity. The Great Monarch is, in +comparison, a poor, sordid creature. One thinks of Moliere refused +burial--the king's contemptuous indifference for one who could do no +more to amuse him being a true measure of the royal greatness. Face +to face with even the least of these grave and pious men, how paltry +and unclean are all those courtly figures; not THERE was dignity, in +the palace chambers and the stately gardens, but in the poor rooms +where the solitaries of Port-Royal prayed and studied and taught. +Whether or not the ideal for mankind, their life was worthy of man. +And what is rarer than a life to which that praise can be given? + + +IX + + +It is amusing to note the superficial forms of reaction against +scientific positivism. The triumph of Darwin was signalized by the +invention of that happy word Agnostic, which had great vogue. But +agnosticism, as a fashion, was far too reasonable to endure. There +came a rumour of Oriental magic, (how the world repeats itself!) and +presently every one who had nothing better to do gossipped about +"esoteric Buddhism"--the saving adjective sounded well in a drawing- +room. It did not hold very long, even with the novelists; for the +English taste this esotericism was too exotic. Somebody suggested +that the old table-turning and spirit-rapping, which had homely +associations, might be re-considered in a scientific light, and the +idea was seized upon. Superstition pranked in the professor's +spectacles, it set up a laboratory, and printed grave reports. Day +by day its sphere widened. Hypnotism brought matter for the marvel- +mongers, and there followed a long procession of words in limping +Greek--a little difficult till practice had made perfect. Another +fortunate terminologist hit upon the word "psychical"--the P might +be sounded or not, according to the taste and fancy of the +pronouncer--and the fashionable children of a scientific age were +thoroughly at ease. "There MUST be something, you know; one always +felt that there MUST be something." And now, if one may judge from +what one reads, psychical "science" is comfortably joining hands +with the sorcery of the Middle Ages. It is said to be a lucrative +moment for wizards that peep and that mutter. If the law against +fortune-telling were as strictly enforced in the polite world as it +occasionally is in slums and hamlets, we should have a merry time. +But it is difficult to prosecute a Professor of Telepathy--and how +he would welcome the advertisement! + +Of course I know very well that all that make use of these words are +not in one and the same category. There is a study of the human +mind, in health and in disease, which calls for as much respect as +any other study conscientiously and capably pursued; that it lends +occasion to fribbles and knaves is no argument against any honest +tendency of thought. Men whom one cannot but esteem are deeply +engaged in psychical investigations, and have convinced themselves +that they are brought into touch with phenomena inexplicable by the +commonly accepted laws of life. Be it so. They may be on the point +of making discoveries in the world beyond sense. For my own part, +everything of this kind not only does not interest me; I turn from +it with the strongest distaste. If every wonder-story examined by +the Psychical Society were set before me with irresistible evidence +of its truth, my feeling (call it my prejudice) would undergo no +change whatever. No whit the less should I yawn over the next +batch, and lay the narratives aside with--yes, with a sort of +disgust. "An ounce of civet, good apothecary!" Why it should be so +with me I cannot say. I am as indifferent to the facts or fancies +of spiritualism as I am, for instance, to the latest mechanical +application of electricity. Edisons and Marconis may thrill the +world with astounding novelties; they astound me, as every one else, +but straightway I forget my astonishment, and am in every respect +the man I was before. The thing has simply no concern for me, and I +care not a volt if to-morrow the proclaimed discovery be proved a +journalist's mistake or invention. + +Am I, then, a hidebound materialist? If I know myself, hardly that. +Once, in conversation with G. A., I referred to his position as that +of the agnostic. He corrected me. "The agnostic grants that there +MAY be something beyond the sphere of man's knowledge; I can make no +such admission. For me, what is called the unknowable is simply the +non-existent. We see what is, and we see all." Now this gave me a +sort of shock; it seemed incredible to me that a man of so much +intelligence could hold such a view. So far am I from feeling +satisfied with any explanation, scientific or other, of myself and +of the world about me, that not a day goes by but I fall a- +marvelling before the mystery of the universe. To trumpet the +triumphs of human knowledge seems to me worse than childishness; +now, as of old, we know but one thing--that we know nothing. What! +Can I pluck the flower by the wayside, and, as I gaze at it, feel +that, if I knew all the teachings of histology, morphology, and so +on, with regard to it, I should have exhausted its meanings? What +is all this but words, words, words? Interesting, yes, as +observation; but, the more interesting, so much the more provocative +of wonder and of hopeless questioning. One may gaze and think till +the brain whirls--till the little blossom in one's hand becomes as +overwhelming a miracle as the very sun in heaven. Nothing to be +known? The flower simply a flower, and there an end on't? The man +simply a product of evolutionary law, his senses and his intellect +merely availing him to take account of the natural mechanism of +which he forms a part? I find it very hard to believe that this is +the conviction of any human mind. Rather I would think that despair +at an insoluble problem, and perhaps impatience with those who +pretend to solve it, bring about a resolute disregard of everything +beyond the physical fact, and so at length a self-deception which +seems obtuseness. + + +X + + +It may well be that what we call the unknowable will be for ever the +unknown. In that thought is there not a pathos beyond words? It +may be that the human race will live and pass away; all mankind, +from him who in the world's dawn first shaped to his fearful mind an +image of the Lord of Life, to him who, in the dusking twilight of +the last age, shall crouch before a deity of stone or wood; and +never one of that long lineage have learnt the wherefore of his +being. The prophets, the martyrs, their noble anguish vain and +meaningless; the wise whose thought strove to eternity, and was but +an idle dream; the pure in heart whose life was a vision of the +living God, the suffering and the mourners whose solace was in a +world to come, the victims of injustice who cried to the Judge +Supreme--all gone down into silence, and the globe that bare them +circling dead and cold through soundless space. The most tragic +aspect of such a tragedy is that it is not unthinkable. The soul +revolts, but dare not see in this revolt the assurance of its higher +destiny. Viewing our life thus, is it not easier to believe that +the tragedy is played with no spectator? And of a truth, of a +truth, what spectator can there be? The day may come when, to all +who live, the Name of Names will be but an empty symbol, rejected by +reason and by faith. Yet the tragedy will be played on. + +It is not, I say, unthinkable; but that is not the same thing as to +declare that life has no meaning beyond the sense it bears to human +intelligence. The intelligence itself rejects such a supposition; +in my case, with impatience and scorn. No theory of the world which +ever came to my knowledge is to me for one moment acceptable; the +possibility of an explanation which would set my mind at rest is to +me inconceivable; no whit the less am I convinced that there is a +Reason of the All; one which transcends my understanding, one no +glimmer of which will ever touch my apprehension; a Reason which +must imply a creative power, and therefore, even whilst a necessity +of my thought, is by the same criticized into nothing. A like +antinomy with that which affects our conception of the infinite in +time and space. Whether the rational processes have reached their +final development, who shall say? Perhaps what seem to us the +impassable limits of thought are but the conditions of a yet early +stage in the history of man. Those who make them a proof of a +"future state" must necessarily suppose gradations in that futurity; +does the savage, scarce risen above the brute, enter upon the same +"new life" as the man of highest civilization? Such gropings of the +mind certify our ignorance; the strange thing is that they can be +held by any one to demonstrate that our ignorance is final +knowledge. + + +XI + + +Yet that, perhaps, will be the mind of coming man; if not the final +attainment of his intellectual progress, at all events a long period +of self-satisfaction, assumed as finality. We talk of the "ever +aspiring soul"; we take for granted that if one religion passes +away, another must arise. But what if man presently find himself +without spiritual needs? Such modification of his being cannot be +deemed impossible; many signs of our life to-day seem to point +towards it. If the habits of thought favoured by physical science +do but sink deep enough, and no vast calamity come to check mankind +in its advance to material contentment, the age of true positivism +may arise. Then it will be the common privilege, "rerum cognoscere +causas"; the word supernatural will have no sense; superstition will +be a dimly understood trait of the early race; and where now we +perceive an appalling Mystery, everything will be lucid and serene +as a geometric demonstration. Such an epoch of Reason might be the +happiest the world could know. Indeed, it would either be that, or +it would never come about at all. For suffering and sorrow are the +great Doctors of Metaphysic; and, remembering this, one cannot count +very surely upon the rationalist millennium. + + +XII + + +The free man, says Spinoza, thinks of nothing less often than of +death. Free, in his sense of the word, I may not call myself. I +think of death very often; the thought, indeed, is ever in the +background of my mind; yet free in another sense I assuredly am, for +death inspires me with no fear. There was a time when I dreaded it; +but that, merely because it meant disaster to others who depended +upon my labour; the cessation of being has never in itself had power +to afflict me. Pain I cannot well endure, and I do indeed think +with apprehension of being subjected to the trial of long deathbed +torments. It is a sorry thing that the man who has fronted destiny +with something of manly calm throughout a life of stress and of +striving, may, when he nears the end, be dishonoured by a weakness +which is mere disease. But happily I am not often troubled by that +dark anticipation. + +I always turn out of my way to walk through a country churchyard; +these rural resting-places are as attractive to me as a town +cemetery is repugnant. I read the names upon the stones, and find a +deep solace in thinking that for all these the fret and the fear of +life are over. There comes to me no touch of sadness; whether it be +a little child or an aged man, I have the same sense of happy +accomplishment; the end having come, and with it the eternal peace, +what matter if it came late or soon? There is no such gratulation +as Hic jacet. There is no such dignity as that of death. In the +path trodden by the noblest of mankind these have followed; that +which of all who live is the utmost thing demanded, these have +achieved. I cannot sorrow for them, but the thought of their +vanished life moves me to a brotherly tenderness. The dead, amid +this leafy silence, seem to whisper encouragement to him whose fate +yet lingers: As we are, so shalt thou be; and behold our quiet! + + +XIII + + +Many a time, when life went hard with me, I have betaken myself to +the Stoics, and not all in vain. Marcus Aurelius has often been one +of my bedside books; I have read him in the night watches, when I +could not sleep for misery, and when assuredly I could have read +nothing else. He did not remove my burden; his proofs of the vanity +of earthly troubles availed me nothing; but there was a soothing +harmony in his thought which partly lulled my mind, and the mere +wish that I could find strength to emulate that high example (though +I knew that I never should) was in itself a safeguard against the +baser impulses of wretchedness. I read him still, but with no +turbid emotion, thinking rather of the man than of the philosophy, +and holding his image dear in my heart of hearts. + +Of course the intellectual assumption which makes his system +untenable by the thinker of our time is: that we possess a +knowledge of the absolute. Noble is the belief that by exercise of +his reason a man may enter into communion with that Rational Essence +which is the soul of the world; but precisely because of our +inability to find within ourselves any such sure and certain +guidance do we of to-day accept the barren doom of scepticism. +Otherwise, the Stoic's sense of man's subordination in the universal +scheme, and of the all-ruling destiny, brings him into touch with +our own philosophical views, and his doctrine concerning the +"sociable" nature of man, of the reciprocal obligations which exist +between all who live, are entirely congenial to the better spirit of +our day. His fatalism is not mere resignation; one has not only to +accept one's lot, whatever it is, as inevitable, but to accept it +with joy, with praises. Why are we here? For the same reason that +has brought about the existence of a horse, or of a vine, to play +the part allotted to us by Nature. As it is within our power to +understand the order of things, so are we capable of guiding +ourselves in accordance therewith; the will, powerless over +circumstance, is free to determine the habits of the soul. The +first duty is self-discipline; its correspondent first privilege is +an inborn knowledge of the law of life. + +But we are fronted by that persistent questioner who will accept no +a priori assumption, however noble in its character and beneficent +in its tendency. How do we know that the reason of the Stoic is at +harmony with the world's law? I, perhaps, may see life from a very +different point of view; to me reason may dictate, not self-subdual, +but self-indulgence; I may find in the free exercise of all my +passions an existence far more consonant with what seems to me the +dictate of Nature. I am proud; Nature has made me so; let my pride +assert itself to justification. I am strong; let me put forth my +strength, it is the destiny of the feeble to fall before me. On the +other hand, I am weak and I suffer; what avails a mere assertion +that fate is just, to bring about my calm and glad acceptance of +this down-trodden doom? Nay, for there is that within my soul which +bids me revolt, and cry against the iniquity of some power I know +not. Granting that I am compelled to acknowledge a scheme of things +which constrains me to this or that, whether I will or no, how can I +be sure that wisdom or moral duty lies in acquiescence? Thus the +unceasing questioner; to whom, indeed, there is no reply. For our +philosophy sees no longer a supreme sanction, and no longer hears a +harmony of the universe. + +"He that is unjust is also impious. For the Nature of the Universe, +having made all reasonable creatures one for another, to the end +that they should do one another good; more or less, according to the +several persons and occasions; but in no wise hurt one another; it +is manifest that he that doth transgress against this her will, is +guilty of impiety towards the most ancient and venerable of all the +Deities." How gladly would I believe this! That injustice is +impiety, and indeed the supreme impiety, I will hold with my last +breath; but it were the merest affectation of a noble sentiment if I +supported my faith by such a reasoning. I see no single piece of +strong testimony that justice is the law of the universe; I see +suggestions incalculable tending to prove that it is not. Rather +must I apprehend that man, in some inconceivable way, may at his +best moments represent a Principle darkly at strife with that which +prevails throughout the world as known to us. If the just man be in +truth a worshipper of the most ancient of Deities, he must needs +suppose, either that the object of his worship belongs to a fallen +dynasty, or--what from of old has been his refuge--that the sacred +fire which burns within him is an "evidence of things not seen." +What if I am incapable of either supposition? There remains the +dignity of a hopeless cause--"sed victa Catoni." But how can there +sound the hymn of praise? + +"That is best for everyone, which the common Nature of all doth send +unto everyone, and then is it best, when she doth send it." The +optimism of Necessity, and perhaps, the highest wisdom man can +attain unto. "Remember that unto reasonable creatures only is it +granted that they may willingly and freely submit." No one could be +more sensible than I of the persuasiveness of this high theme. The +words sing to me, and life is illumined with soft glory, like that +of the autumn sunset yonder. "Consider how man's life is but for a +very moment of time, and so depart meek and contented: even as if a +ripe olive falling should praise the ground that bare her, and give +thanks to the tree that begat her." So would I fain think, when the +moment comes. It is the mood of strenuous endeavour, but also the +mood of rest. Better than the calm of achieved indifference (if +that, indeed, is possible to man); better than the ecstasy which +contemns the travail of earth in contemplation of bliss to come. +But, by no effort attainable. An influence of the unknown powers; a +peace that falleth upon the soul like dew at evening. + + +XIV + + +I have had one of my savage headaches. For a day and a night I was +in blind torment. Have at it, now, with the stoic remedy. Sickness +of the body is no evil. With a little resolution and considering it +as a natural issue of certain natural processes, pain may well be +borne. One's solace is, to remember that it cannot affect the soul, +which partakes of the eternal nature. This body is but as "the +clothing, or the cottage, of the mind." Let flesh be racked; I, the +very I, will stand apart, lord of myself. + +Meanwhile, memory, reason, every faculty of my intellectual part, is +being whelmed in muddy oblivion. Is the soul something other than +the mind? If so, I have lost all consciousness of its existence. +For me, mind and soul are one, and, as I am too feelingly reminded, +that element of my being is HERE, where the brain throbs and +anguishes. A little more of such suffering, and I were myself no +longer; the body representing me would gesticulate and rave, but I +should know nothing of its motives, its fantasies. The very I, it +is too plain, consists but with a certain balance of my physical +elements, which we call health. Even in the light beginnings of my +headache, I was already not myself; my thoughts followed no normal +course, and I was aware of the abnormality. A few hours later, I +was but a walking disease; my mind--if one could use the word--had +become a barrel-organ, grinding in endless repetition a bar or two +of idle music. + +What trust shall I repose in the soul that serves me thus? Just as +much, one would say, as in the senses, through which I know all that +I can know of the world in which I live, and which, for all I can +tell, may deceive me even more grossly in their common use than they +do on certain occasions where I have power to test them; just as +much, and no more--if I am right in concluding that mind and soul +are merely subtle functions of body. If I chance to become deranged +in certain parts of my physical mechanism, I shall straightway be +deranged in my wits; and behold that Something in me which "partakes +of the eternal" prompting me to pranks which savour little of the +infinite wisdom. Even in its normal condition (if I can determine +what that is) my mind is obviously the slave of trivial accidents; I +eat something that disagrees with me, and of a sudden the whole +aspect of life is changed; this impulse has lost its force, and +another which before I should not for a moment have entertained, is +all-powerful over me. In short, I know just as little about myself +as I do about the Eternal Essence, and I have a haunting suspicion +that I may be a mere automaton, my every thought and act due to some +power which uses and deceives me. + +Why am I meditating thus, instead of enjoying the life of the +natural man, at peace with himself and the world, as I was a day or +two ago? Merely, it is evident, because my health has suffered a +temporary disorder. It has passed; I have thought enough about the +unthinkable; I feel my quiet returning. Is it any merit of mine +that I begin to be in health once more? Could I, by any effort of +the will, have shunned this pitfall? + + +XV + + +Blackberries hanging thick upon the hedge bring to my memory +something of long ago. I had somehow escaped into the country, and +on a long walk began to feel mid-day hunger. The wayside brambles +were fruiting; I picked and ate, and ate on, until I had come within +sight of an inn where I might have made a meal. But my hunger was +satisfied; I had no need of anything more, and, as I thought of it, +a strange feeling of surprise, a sort of bewilderment, came upon me. +What! Could it be that I had eaten, and eaten sufficiently, WITHOUT +PAYING? It struck me as an extraordinary thing. At that time, my +ceaseless preoccupation was how to obtain money to keep myself +alive. Many a day I had suffered hunger because I durst not spend +the few coins I possessed; the food I could buy was in any case +unsatisfactory, unvaried. But here Nature had given me a feast, +which seemed delicious, and I had eaten all I wanted. The wonder +held me for a long time, and to this day I can recall it, understand +it. + +I think there could be no better illustration of what it means to be +very poor in a great town. And I am glad to have been through it. +To those days of misery I owe much of the contentment which I now +enjoy; not by mere force of contrast, but because I have been better +taught than most men the facts which condition our day to day +existence. To the ordinary educated person, freedom from anxiety as +to how he shall merely be fed and clothed is a matter of course; +questioned, he would admit it to be an agreeable state of things, +but it is no more a source of conscious joy to him than physical +health to the thoroughly sound man. For me, were I to live another +fifty years, this security would be a delightful surprise renewed +with every renewal of day. I know, as only one with my experience +can, all that is involved in the possession of means to live. The +average educated man has never stood alone, utterly alone, just clad +and nothing more than that, with the problem before him of wresting +his next meal from a world that cares not whether he live or die. +There is no such school of political economy. Go through that +course of lectures, and you will never again become confused as to +the meaning of elementary terms in that sorry science. + +I understand, far better than most men, what I owe to the labour of +others. This money which I "draw" at the four quarters of the year, +in a sense falls to me from heaven; but I know very well that every +drachm is sweated from human pores. Not, thank goodness, with the +declared tyranny of basest capitalism; I mean only that it is the +product of human labour; perhaps wholesome, but none the less +compulsory. Look far enough, and it means muscular toil, that +swinking of the ruder man which supports all the complex structure +of our life. When I think of him thus, the man of the people earns +my gratitude. That it is gratitude from afar, that I never was, and +never shall be, capable of democratic fervour, is a characteristic +of my mind which I long ago accepted as final. I have known revolt +against the privilege of wealth (can I not remember spots in London +where I have stood, savage with misery, looking at the prosperous +folk who passed?), but I could never feel myself at one with the +native poor among whom I dwelt. And for the simplest reason; I came +to know them too well. He who cultivates his enthusiasm amid graces +and comforts may nourish an illusion with regard to the world below +him all his life long, and I do not deny that he may be the better +for it; for me, no illusion was possible. I knew the poor, and I +knew that their aims were not mine. I knew that the kind of life +(such a modest life!) which I should have accepted as little short +of the ideal, would have been to them--if they could have been made +to understand it--a weariness and a contempt. To ally myself with +them against the "upper world" would have been mere dishonesty, or +sheer despair. What they at heart desired, was to me barren; what I +coveted, was to them for ever incomprehensible. + +That my own aim indicated an ideal which is the best for all to +pursue, I am far from maintaining. It may be so, or not; I have +long known the idleness of advocating reform on a basis of personal +predilection. Enough to set my own thoughts in order, without +seeking to devise a new economy for the world. But it is much to +see clearly from one's point of view, and therein the evil days I +have treasured are of no little help to me. If my knowledge be only +subjective, why, it only concerns myself; I preach to no one. Upon +another man, of origin and education like to mine, a like experience +of hardship might have a totally different effect; he might identify +himself with the poor, burn to the end of his life with the noblest +humanitarianism. I should no further criticize him than to say that +he saw with other eyes than mine. A vision, perhaps, larger and +more just. But in one respect he resembles me. If ever such a man +arises, let him be questioned; it will be found that he once made a +meal of blackberries--and mused upon it. + + +XVI + + +I stood to-day watching harvesters at work, and a foolish envy took +hold upon me. To be one of those brawny, brown-necked men, who can +string their muscles from dawn to sundown, and go home without an +ache to the sound slumber which will make them fresh again for to- +morrow's toil! I am a man in the middle years, with limbs shaped as +those of another, and subject to no prostrating malady, yet I doubt +whether I could endure the lightest part of this field labour even +for half an hour. Is that indeed to be a man? Could I feel +surprised if one of these stalwart fellows turned upon me a look of +good-natured contempt? Yet he would never dream that I envied him; +he would think it as probable, no doubt, that I should compare +myself unfavourably with one of the farm horses. + +There comes the old idle dream: balance of mind and body, perfect +physical health combined with the fulness of intellectual vigour. +Why should I not be there in the harvest field, if so it pleased me, +yet none the less live for thought? Many a theorist holds the thing +possible, and looks to its coming in a better time. If so, two +changes must needs come before it; there will no longer exist a +profession of literature, and all but the whole of every library +will be destroyed, leaving only the few books which are universally +recognized as national treasures. Thus, and thus only, can mental +and physical equilibrium ever be brought about. + +It is idle to talk to us of "the Greeks." The people we mean when +so naming them were a few little communities, living under very +peculiar conditions, and endowed by Nature with most exceptional +characteristics. The sporadic civilization which we are too much in +the habit of regarding as if it had been no less stable than +brilliant, was a succession of the briefest splendours, gleaming +here and there from the coasts of the Aegean to those of the western +Mediterranean. Our heritage of Greek literature and art is +priceless; the example of Greek life possesses for us not the +slightest value. The Greeks had nothing alien to study--not even a +foreign or a dead language. They read hardly at all, preferring to +listen. They were a slave-holding people, much given to social +amusement, and hardly knowing what we call industry. Their +ignorance was vast, their wisdom a grace of the gods. Together with +their fair intelligence, they had grave moral weaknesses. If we +could see and speak with an average Athenian of the Periclean age, +he would cause no little disappointment--there would be so much more +of the barbarian in him, and at the same time of the decadent, than +we had anticipated. More than possibly, even his physique would be +a disillusion. Leave him in that old world, which is precious to +the imagination of a few, but to the business and bosoms of the +modern multitude irrelevant as Memphis or Babylon. + +The man of thought, as we understand him, is all but necessarily the +man of impaired health. The rare exception will be found to come of +a stock which may, indeed, have been distinguished by intelligence, +but represented in all its members the active rather than the +studious or contemplative life; whilst the children of such +fortunate thinkers are sure either to revert to the active type or +to exhibit the familiar sacrifice of body to mind. I am not denying +the possibility of mens sana in corpore sano; that is another thing. +Nor do I speak of the healthy people (happily still numerous) who +are at the same time bright-witted and fond of books. The man I +have in view is he who pursues the things of the mind with passion, +who turns impatiently from all common interests or cares which +encroach upon his sacred time, who is haunted by a sense of the +infinity of thought and learning, who, sadly aware of the conditions +on which he holds his mental vitality, cannot resist the hourly +temptation to ignore them. Add to these native characteristics the +frequent fact that such a man must make merchandise of his +attainments, must toil under the perpetual menace of destitution; +and what hope remains that his blood will keep the true rhythm, that +his nerves will play as Nature bade them, that his sinews will bide +the strain of exceptional task? Such a man may gaze with envy at +those who "sweat in the eye of Phoebus," but he knows that no choice +was offered him. And if life has so far been benignant as to grant +him frequent tranquillity of studious hours, let him look from the +reapers to the golden harvest, and fare on in thankfulness. + + +XVII + + +That a labourer in the fields should stand very much on the level of +the beast that toils with him, can be neither desirable nor +necessary. He does so, as a matter of fact, and one hears that only +the dullest-witted peasant will nowadays consent to the peasant +life; his children, taught to read the newspaper, make what haste +they can to the land of promise--where newspapers are printed. That +here is something altogether wrong it needs no evangelist to tell +us; the remedy no prophet has as yet even indicated. Husbandry has +in our time been glorified in eloquence which for the most part is +vain, endeavouring, as it does, to prove a falsity--that the +agricultural life is, in itself, favourable to gentle emotions, to +sweet thoughtfulness, and to all the human virtues. Agriculture is +one of the most exhausting forms of toil, and, in itself, by no +means conducive to spiritual development; that it played a +civilizing part in the history of the world is merely due to the +fact that, by creating wealth, it freed a portion of mankind from +the labour of the plough. Enthusiasts have tried the experiment of +turning husbandman; one of them writes of his experience in notable +phrase. + +"Oh, labour is the curse of the world, and nobody can meddle with it +without becoming proportionately brutified. Is it a praiseworthy +matter that I have spent five golden months in providing food for +cows and horses? It is not so." + +Thus Nathaniel Hawthorne, at Brook Farm. In the bitterness of his +disillusion he went too far. Labour may be, and very often is, an +accursed and a brutalizing thing, but assuredly, it is not the curse +of the world; nay, it is the world's supreme blessing. Hawthorne +had committed a folly, and he paid for it in loss of mental balance. +For him, plainly, it was no suitable task to feed cows and horses; +yet many a man would perceive the nobler side of such occupation, +for it signifies, of course, providing food for mankind. The +interest of this quotation lies in the fact that, all unconsciously, +so intelligent a man as Hawthorne had been reduced to the mental +state of our agricultural labourers in revolt against the country +life. Not only is his intellect in abeyance, but his emotions have +ceased to be a true guide. The worst feature of the rustic mind in +our day, is not its ignorance or grossness, but its rebellious +discontent. Like all other evils, this is seen to be an inevitable +outcome of the condition of things; one understands it only too +well. The bucolic wants to "better" himself. He is sick of feeding +cows and horses; he imagines that, on the pavement of London, he +would walk with a manlier tread. + +There is no help in visions of Arcadia; yet it is plain fact that in +days gone by the peasantry found life more than endurable, and yet +were more intelligent than our clod-hoppers who still hold by the +plough. They had their folk-songs, now utterly forgotten. They had +romances and fairy lore, which their descendants could no more +appreciate than an idyll of Theocritus. Ah, but let it be +remembered that they had also a HOME, and this is the illumining +word. If your peasant love the fields which give him bread, he will +not think it hard to labour in them; his toil will no longer be as +that of the beast, but upward-looking and touched with a light from +other than the visible heavens. No use to blink the hard and dull +features of rustic existence; let them rather be insisted upon, that +those who own and derive profit from the land may be constant in +human care for the lives which make it fruitful. Such care may +perchance avail, in some degree, to counteract the restless tendency +of the time; the dweller in a pleasant cottage is not so likely to +wish to wander from it as he who shelters himself in a hovel. Well- +meaning folk talk about reawakening love of the country by means of +deliberate instruction. Lies any hope that way? Does it seem to +promise a return of the time when the old English names of all our +flowers were common on rustic lips--by which, indeed, they were +first uttered? The fact that flowers and birds are well-nigh +forgotten, together with the songs and the elves, shows how advanced +is the process of rural degeneration. Most likely it is foolishness +to hope for the revival of any bygone social virtue. The husbandman +of the future will be, I daresay, a well-paid mechanic, of the +engine-driver species; as he goes about his work he will sing the +last refrain of the music-hall, and his oft-recurring holidays will +be spent in the nearest great town. For him, I fancy, there will be +little attraction in ever such melodious talk about "common objects +of the country." Flowers, perhaps, at all events those of tilth and +pasture, will have been all but improved away. And, as likely as +not, the word Home will have only a special significance, indicating +the common abode of retired labourers who are drawing old-age +pensions. + + +XVIII + + +I cannot close my eyes upon this day without setting down some +record of it; yet the foolish insufficiency of words! At sunrise I +looked forth; nowhere could I discern a cloud the size of a man's +hand; the leaves quivered gently, as if with joy in the divine +morning which glistened upon their dew. At sunset I stood in the +meadow above my house, and watched the red orb sink into purple +mist, whilst in the violet heaven behind me rose the perfect moon. +All between, through the soft circling of the dial's shadow, was +loveliness and quiet unutterable. Never, I could fancy, did autumn +clothe in such magnificence the elms and beeches; never, I should +think, did the leafage on my walls blaze in such royal crimson. It +was no day for wandering; under a canopy of blue or gold, where the +eye could fall on nothing that was not beautiful, enough to be at +one with Nature in dreamy rest. From stubble fields sounded the +long caw of rooks; a sleepy crowing ever and anon told of the +neighbour farm; my doves cooed above their cot. Was it for five +minutes, or was it for an hour, that I watched the yellow butterfly +wafted as by an insensible tremor of the air amid the garden +glintings? In every autumn there comes one such flawless day. None +that I have known brought me a mind so touched to the fitting mood +of welcome, and so fulfilled the promise of its peace. + + +XIX + + +I was at ramble in the lanes, when, from somewhere at a distance, +there sounded the voice of a countryman--strange to say--singing. +The notes were indistinct, but they rose, to my ear, with a moment's +musical sadness, and of a sudden my heart was stricken with a memory +so keen that I knew not whether it was pain or delight. For the +sound seemed to me that of a peasant's song which I once heard +whilst sitting among the ruins of Paestum. The English landscape +faded before my eyes. I saw great Doric columns of honey-golden +travertine; between them, as I looked one way, a deep strip of sea; +when I turned, the purple gorges of the Apennine; and all about the +temple, where I sat in solitude, a wilderness dead and still but for +that long note of wailing melody. I had not thought it possible +that here, in my beloved home, where regret and desire are all but +unknown to me, I could have been so deeply troubled by a thought of +things far off. I returned with head bent, that voice singing in my +memory. All the delight I have known in Italian travel burned again +within my heart. The old spell has not lost its power. Never, I +know, will it again draw me away from England; but the Southern +sunlight cannot fade from my imagination, and to dream of its glow +upon the ruins of old time wakes in me the voiceless desire which +once was anguish. + +In his Italienische Reise, Goethe tells that at one moment of his +life the desire for Italy became to him a scarce endurable +suffering; at length he could not bear to hear or to read of things +Italian, even the sight of a Latin book so tortured him that he +turned away from it; and the day arrived when, in spite of every +obstacle, he yielded to the sickness of longing, and in secret stole +away southward. When first I read that passage, it represented +exactly the state of my own mind; to think of Italy was to feel +myself goaded by a longing which, at times, made me literally ill; +I, too, had put aside my Latin books, simply because I could not +endure the torment of imagination they caused me. And I had so +little hope (nay, for years no shadow of reasonable hope) that I +should ever be able to appease my desire. I taught myself to read +Italian; that was something. I worked (half-heartedly) at a +colloquial phrase-book. But my sickness only grew towards despair. + +Then came into my hands a sum of money (such a poor little sum) for +a book I had written. It was early autumn. I chanced to hear some +one speak of Naples--and only death would have held me back. + + +XX + + +Truly, I grow aged. I have no longer much delight in wine. + +But then, no wine ever much rejoiced me save that of Italy. Wine- +drinking in England is, after all, only make-believe, a mere playing +with an exotic inspiration. Tennyson had his port, whereto clings a +good old tradition; sherris sack belongs to a nobler age; these +drinks are not for us. Let him who will, toy with dubious Bordeaux +or Burgundy; to get good of them, soul's good, you must be on the +green side of thirty. Once or twice they have plucked me from +despair; I would not speak unkindly of anything in cask or bottle +which bears the great name of wine. But for me it is a thing of +days gone by. Never again shall I know the mellow hour cum regnat +rosa, cum madent capilli. Yet how it lives in memory! + +"What call you this wine?" I asked of the temple-guardian at +Paestum, when he ministered to my thirst. "Vino di Calabria," he +answered, and what a glow in the name! There I drank it, seated +against the column of Poseidon's temple. There I drank it, my feet +resting on acanthus, my eyes wandering from sea to mountain, or +peering at little shells niched in the crumbling surface of the +sacred stone. The autumn day declined; a breeze of evening +whispered about the forsaken shore; on the far summit lay a long, +still cloud, and its hue was that of my Calabrian wine. + +How many such moments come back to me as my thoughts wander! Dim +little trattorie in city byways, inns smelling of the sun in +forgotten valleys, on the mountain side, or by the tideless shore, +where the grape has given me of its blood, and made life a rapture. +Who but the veriest fanatic of teetotalism would grudge me those +hours so gloriously redeemed? No draught of wine amid the old tombs +under the violet sky but made me for the time a better man, larger +of brain, more courageous, more gentle. 'Twas a revelry whereon +came no repentance. Could I but live for ever in thoughts and +feelings such as those born to me in the shadow of the Italian vine! +There I listened to the sacred poets; there I walked with the wise +of old; there did the gods reveal to me the secret of their eternal +calm. I hear the red rillet as it flows into the rustic glass; I +see the purple light upon the hills. Fill to me again, thou of the +Roman visage and all but Roman speech! Is not yonder the long +gleaming of the Appian Way? Chant in the old measure, the song +imperishable + + +"dum Capitolium +Scandet cum tacita virgine pontifex--" + + +aye, and for how many an age when Pontiff and Vestal sleep in the +eternal silence. Let the slave of the iron gods chatter what he +will; for him flows no Falernian, for him the Muses have no smile, +no melody. Ere the sun set, and the darkness fall about us, fill +again! + + +XXI + + +Is there, at this moment, any boy of twenty, fairly educated, but +without means, without help, with nothing but the glow in his brain +and steadfast courage in his heart, who sits in a London garret, and +writes for dear life? There must be, I suppose; yet all that I have +read and heard of late years about young writers, shows them in a +very different aspect. No garretteers, these novelists and +journalists awaiting their promotion. They eat--and entertain their +critics--at fashionable restaurants; they are seen in expensive +seats at the theatre; they inhabit handsome flats--photographed for +an illustrated paper on the first excuse. At the worst, they belong +to a reputable club, and have garments which permit them to attend a +garden party or an evening "at home" without attracting unpleasant +notice. Many biographical sketches have I read, during the last +decade, making personal introduction of young Mr. This or young Miss +That, whose book was--as the sweet language of the day will have it- +-"booming"; but never one in which there was a hint of stern +struggle, of the pinched stomach and frozen fingers. I surmise that +the path of "literature" is being made too easy. Doubtless it is a +rare thing nowadays for a lad whose education ranks him with the +upper middle class to find himself utterly without resources, should +he wish to devote himself to the profession of letters. And there +is the root of the matter; writing has come to be recognized as a +profession, almost as cut-and-dried as church or law; a lad may go +into it with full parental approval, with ready avuncular support. +I heard not long ago of an eminent lawyer, who had paid a couple of +hundred per annum for his son's instruction in the art of fiction-- +yea, the art of fiction--by a not very brilliant professor of that +art. Really, when one comes to think of it, an astonishing fact, a +fact vastly significant. Starvation, it is true, does not +necessarily produce fine literature; but one feels uneasy about +these carpet-authors. To the two or three who have a measure of +conscience and vision, I could wish, as the best thing, some +calamity which would leave them friendless in the streets. They +would perish, perhaps. But set that possibility against the all but +certainty of their present prospect--fatty degeneration of the soul; +and is it not acceptable? + +I thought of this as I stood yesterday watching a noble sunset, +which brought back to my memory the sunsets of a London autumn, +thirty years ago; more glorious, it seems to me, than any I have +since beheld. It happened that, on one such evening, I was by the +river at Chelsea, with nothing to do except to feel that I was +hungry, and to reflect that, before morning, I should be hungrier +still. I loitered upon Battersea Bridge--the old picturesque wooden +bridge, and there the western sky took hold upon me. Half an hour +later, I was speeding home. I sat down, and wrote a description of +what I had seen, and straightway sent it to an evening newspaper, +which, to my astonishment, published the thing next day--"On +Battersea Bridge." How proud I was of that little bit of writing! +I should not much like to see it again, for I thought it then so +good that I am sure it would give me an unpleasant sensation now. +Still, I wrote it because I enjoyed doing so, quite as much as +because I was hungry; and the couple of guineas it brought me had as +pleasant a ring as any money I ever earned. + + +XXII + + +I wonder whether it be really true, as I have more than once seen +suggested, that the publication of Anthony Trollope's autobiography +in some degree accounts for the neglect into which he and his works +fell so soon after his death. I should like to believe it, for such +a fact would be, from one point of view, a credit to "the great big +stupid public." Only, of course, from one point of view; the +notable merits of Trollope's work are unaffected by one's knowledge +of how that work was produced; at his best he is an admirable writer +of the pedestrian school, and this disappearance of his name does +not mean final oblivion. Like every other novelist of note, he had +two classes of admirers--those who read him for the sake of that +excellence which here and there he achieved, and the +undistinguishing crowd which found in him a level entertainment. +But it would be a satisfaction to think that "the great big stupid" +was really, somewhere in its secret economy, offended by that +revelation of mechanical methods which made the autobiography either +a disgusting or an amusing book to those who read it more +intelligently. A man with a watch before his eyes, penning exactly +so many words every quarter of an hour--one imagines that this +picture might haunt disagreeably the thoughts even of Mudie's +steadiest subscriber, that it might come between him or her and any +Trollopean work that lay upon the counter. + +The surprise was so cynically sprung upon a yet innocent public. At +that happy time (already it seems so long ago) the literary news set +before ordinary readers mostly had reference to literary work, in a +reputable sense of the term, and not, as now, to the processes of +"literary" manufacture and the ups and downs of the "literary" +market. Trollope himself tells how he surprised the editor of a +periodical, who wanted a serial from him, by asking how many +thousand words it should run to; an anecdote savouring indeed of +good old days. Since then, readers have grown accustomed to +revelations of "literary" method, and nothing in that kind can shock +them. There has come into existence a school of journalism which +would seem to have deliberately set itself the task of degrading +authorship and everything connected with it; and these pernicious +scribblers (or typists, to be more accurate) have found the authors +of a fretful age only too receptive of their mercantile suggestions. +Yes, yes; I know as well as any man that reforms were needed in the +relations between author and publisher. Who knows better than I +that your representative author face to face with your +representative publisher was, is, and ever will be, at a ludicrous +disadvantage? And there is no reason in the nature and the decency +of things why this wrong should not by some contrivance be remedied. +A big, blusterous, genial brute of a Trollope could very fairly hold +his own, and exact at all events an acceptable share in the profits +of his work. A shrewd and vigorous man of business such as Dickens, +aided by a lawyer who was his devoted friend, could do even better, +and, in reaping sometimes more than his publisher, redress the +ancient injustice. But pray, what of Charlotte Bronte? Think of +that grey, pinched life, the latter years of which would have been +so brightened had Charlotte Bronte received but, let us say, one +third of what, in the same space of time, the publisher gained by +her books. I know all about this; alas! no man better. None the +less do I loathe and sicken at the manifold baseness, the vulgarity +unutterable, which, as a result of the new order, is blighting our +literary life. It is not easy to see how, in such an atmosphere, +great and noble books can ever again come into being. May it, +perhaps, be hoped that once again the multitude will be somehow +touched with disgust?--that the market for "literary" news of this +costermonger sort will some day fail? + +Dickens. Why, there too was a disclosure of literary methods. Did +not Forster make known to all and sundry exactly how Dickens' work +was done, and how the bargains for its production were made? The +multitudinous public saw him at his desk, learnt how long he sat +there, were told that he could not get on without having certain +little ornaments before his eyes, and that blue ink and a quill pen +were indispensable to his writing; and did all this information ever +chill the loyalty of a single reader? There was a difference, in +truth, between the picture of Charles Dickens sitting down to a +chapter of his current novel, and that of the broad-based Trollope +doing his so many words to the fifteen minutes. Trollope, we know, +wronged himself by the tone and manner of his reminiscences; but +that tone and manner indicated an inferiority of mind, of nature. +Dickens--though he died in the endeavour to increase (not for +himself) an already ample fortune, disastrous influence of his time +and class--wrought with an artistic ingenuousness and fervour such +as Trollope could not even conceive. Methodical, of course, he was; +no long work of prose fiction was ever brought into existence save +by methodical labour; but we know that there was no measuring of so +many words to the hour. The picture of him at work which is seen in +his own letters is one of the most bracing and inspiring in the +history of literature. It has had, and will always have, a great +part in maintaining Dickens' place in the love and reverence of +those who understand. + + +XXIII + + +As I walked to-day in the golden sunlight--this warm, still day on +the far verge of autumn--there suddenly came to me a thought which +checked my step, and for the moment half bewildered me. I said to +myself: My life is over. Surely I ought to have been aware of that +simple fact; certainly it has made part of my meditation, has often +coloured my mood; but the thing had never definitely shaped itself, +ready in words for the tongue. My life is over. I uttered the +sentence once or twice, that my ear might test its truth. Truth +undeniable, however strange; undeniable as the figure of my age last +birthday. + +My age? At this time of life, many a man is bracing himself for new +efforts, is calculating on a decade or two of pursuit and +attainment. I, too, may perhaps live for some years; but for me +there is no more activity, no ambition. I have had my chance--and I +see what I made of it. + +The thought was for an instant all but dreadful. What! I, who only +yesterday was a young man, planning, hoping, looking forward to life +as to a practically endless career, I, who was so vigorous and +scornful, have come to this day of definite retrospect? How is it +possible? But, I have done nothing; I have had no time; I have only +been preparing myself--a mere apprentice to life. My brain is at +some prank; I am suffering a momentary delusion; I shall shake +myself, and return to common sense--to my schemes and activities and +eager enjoyments. + +Nevertheless, my life is over. + +What a little thing! I knew how the philosophers had spoken; I +repeated their musical phrases about the mortal span--yet never till +now believed them. And this is all? A man's life can be so brief +and so vain? Idly would I persuade myself that life, in the true +sense, is only now beginning; that the time of sweat and fear was +not life at all, and that it now only depends upon my will to lead a +worthy existence. That may be a sort of consolation, but it does +not obscure the truth that I shall never again see possibilities and +promises opening before me. I have "retired," and for me as truly +as for the retired tradesman, life is over. I can look back upon +its completed course, and what a little thing! I am tempted to +laugh; I hold myself within the limit of a smile. + +And that is best, to smile, not in scorn, but in all forbearance, +without too much self-compassion. After all, that dreadful aspect +of the thing never really took hold of me; I could put it by without +much effort. Life is done--and what matter? Whether it has been, +in sum, painful or enjoyable, even now I cannot say--a fact which in +itself should prevent me from taking the loss too seriously. What +does it matter? Destiny with the hidden face decreed that I should +come into being, play my little part, and pass again into silence; +is it mine either to approve or to rebel? Let me be grateful that I +have suffered no intolerable wrong, no terrible woe of flesh or +spirit, such as others--alas! alas!--have found in their lot. Is it +not much to have accomplished so large a part of the mortal journey +with so much ease? If I find myself astonished at its brevity and +small significance, why, that is my own fault; the voices of those +gone before had sufficiently warned me. Better to see the truth +now, and accept it, than to fall into dread surprise on some day of +weakness, and foolishly to cry against fate. I will be glad rather +than sorry, and think of the thing no more. + + +XXIV + + +Waking at early dawn used to be one of the things I most dreaded. +The night which made me capable of resuming labour had brought no +such calm as should follow upon repose; I woke to a vision of the +darkest miseries and lay through the hours of daybreak--too often-- +in very anguish. But that is past. Sometimes, ere yet I know +myself, the mind struggles as with an evil spirit on the confines of +sleep; then the light at my window, the pictures on my walls, +restore me to happy consciousness, happier for the miserable dream. +Now, when I lie thinking, my worst trouble is wonder at the common +life of man. I see it as a thing so incredible that it oppresses +the mind like a haunting illusion. Is it the truth that men are +fretting, raving, killing each other, for matters so trivial that I, +even I, so far from saint or philosopher, must needs fall into +amazement when I consider them? I could imagine a man who, by +living alone and at peace, came to regard the everyday world as not +really existent, but a creation of his own fancy in unsound moments. +What lunatic ever dreamt of things less consonant with the calm +reason than those which are thought and done every minute in every +community of men called sane? But I put aside this reflection as +soon as may be; it perturbs me fruitlessly. Then I listen to the +sounds about my cottage, always soft, soothing, such as lead the +mind to gentle thoughts. Sometimes I can hear nothing; not the +rustle of a leaf, not the buzz of a fly, and then I think that utter +silence is best of all. + +This morning I was awakened by a continuous sound which presently +shaped itself to my ear as a multitudinous shrilling of bird voices. +I knew what it meant. For the last few days I have seen the +swallows gathering, now they were ranged upon my roof, perhaps in +the last council before their setting forth upon the great journey. +I know better than to talk about animal instinct, and to wonder in a +pitying way at its resemblance to reason. I know that these birds +show to us a life far more reasonable, and infinitely more +beautiful, than that of the masses of mankind. They talk with each +other, and in their talk is neither malice nor folly. Could one but +interpret the converse in which they make their plans for the long +and perilous flight--and then compare it with that of numberless +respectable persons who even now are projecting their winter in the +South! + + +XXV + + +Yesterday I passed by an elm avenue, leading to a beautiful old +house. The road between the trees was covered in all its length and +breadth with fallen leaves--a carpet of pale gold. Further on, I +came to a plantation, mostly of larches; it shone in the richest +aureate hue, with here and there a splash of blood-red, which was a +young beech in its moment of autumnal glory. + +I looked at an alder, laden with brown catkins, its blunt foliage +stained with innumerable shades of lovely colour. Near it was a +horse-chestnut, with but a few leaves hanging on its branches, and +those a deep orange. The limes, I see, are already bare. + +To-night the wind is loud, and rain dashes against my casement; to- +morrow I shall awake to a sky of winter. + + + +WINTER + + + +I + + +Blasts from the Channel, with raining scud, and spume of mist +breaking upon the hills, have kept me indoors all day. Yet not for +a moment have I been dull or idle, and now, by the latter end of a +sea-coal fire, I feel such enjoyment of my ease and tranquillity +that I must needs word it before going up to bed. + +Of course one ought to be able to breast weather such as this of to- +day, and to find one's pleasure in the strife with it. For the man +sound in body and serene of mind there is no such thing as bad +weather; every sky has its beauty, and storms which whip the blood +do but make it pulse more vigorously. I remember the time when I +would have set out with gusto for a tramp along the wind-swept and +rain-beaten roads; nowadays, I should perhaps pay for the experiment +with my life. All the more do I prize the shelter of these good +walls, the honest workmanship which makes my doors and windows proof +against the assailing blast. In all England, the land of comfort, +there is no room more comfortable than this in which I sit. +Comfortable in the good old sense of the word, giving solace to the +mind no less than ease to the body. And never does it look more +homely, more a refuge and a sanctuary, than on winter nights. + +In my first winter here, I tried fires of wood, having had my hearth +arranged for the purpose; but that was a mistake. One cannot burn +logs successfully in a small room; either the fire, being kept +moderate, needs constant attention, or its triumphant blaze makes +the room too hot. A fire is a delightful thing, a companion and an +inspiration. If my room were kept warm by some wretched modern +contrivance of water-pipes or heated air, would it be the same to me +as that beautiful core of glowing fuel, which, if I sit and gaze +into it, becomes a world of wonders? Let science warm the heaven- +forsaken inhabitants of flats and hotels as effectually and +economically as it may; if the choice were forced upon me, I had +rather sit, like an Italian, wrapped in my mantle, softly stirring +with a key the silver-grey surface of the brasier's charcoal. They +tell me we are burning all our coal, and with wicked wastefulness. +I am sorry for it, but I cannot on that account make cheerless +perhaps the last winter of my life. There may be waste on domestic +hearths, but the wickedness is elsewhere--too blatant to call for +indication. Use common sense, by all means, in the construction of +grates; that more than half the heat of the kindly coal should be +blown up the chimney is desired by no one; but hold by the open fire +as you hold by whatever else is best in England. Because, in the +course of nature, it will be some day a thing of the past (like most +other things that are worth living for), is that a reason why it +should not be enjoyed as long as possible? Human beings may ere +long take their nourishment in the form of pills; the prevision of +that happy economy causes me no reproach when I sit down to a joint +of meat. + +See how friendly together are the fire and the shaded lamp; both +have their part alike in the illumining and warming of the room. As +the fire purrs and softly crackles, so does my lamp at intervals +utter a little gurgling sound when the oil flows to the wick, and +custom has made this a pleasure to me. Another sound, blending with +both, is the gentle ticking of the clock. I could not endure one of +those bustling little clocks which tick like a fever pulse, and are +only fit for a stockbroker's office; mine hums very slowly, as +though it savoured the minutes no less than I do; and when it +strikes, the little voice is silver-sweet, telling me without +sadness that another hour of life is reckoned, another of the +priceless hours - + + +"Quae nobis pereunt et imputantur." + + +After extinguishing the lamp, and when I have reached the door, I +always turn to look back; my room is so cosily alluring in the light +of the last gleeds, that I do not easily move away. The warm glow +is reflected on shining wood, on my chair, my writing-table, on the +bookcases, and from the gilt title of some stately volume; it +illumes this picture, it half disperses the gloom on that. I could +imagine that, as in a fairy tale, the books do but await my +departure to begin talking among themselves. A little tongue of +flame shoots up from a dying ember; shadows shift upon the ceiling +and the walls. With a sigh of utter contentment, I go forth, and +shut the door softly. + + +II + + +I came home this afternoon just at twilight, and, feeling tired +after my walk, a little cold too, I first crouched before the fire, +then let myself drop lazily upon the hearthrug. I had a book in my +hand, and began to read it by the firelight. Rising in a few +minutes, I found the open page still legible by the pale glimmer of +day. This sudden change of illumination had an odd effect upon me; +it was so unexpected, for I had forgotten that dark had not yet +fallen. And I saw in the queer little experience an intellectual +symbol. The book was verse. Might not the warm rays from the fire +exhibit the page as it appears to an imaginative and kindred mind, +whilst that cold, dull light from the window showed it as it is +beheld by eyes to which poetry has but a poor, literal meaning, or +none at all? + + +III + + +It is a pleasant thing enough to be able to spend a little money +without fear when the desire for some indulgence is strong upon one; +but how much pleasanter the ability to give money away! Greatly as +I relish the comforts of my wonderful new life, no joy it has +brought me equals that of coming in aid to another's necessity. The +man for ever pinched in circumstances can live only for himself. It +is all very well to talk about doing moral good; in practice, there +is little scope or hope for anything of that kind in a state of +material hardship. To-day I have sent S- a cheque for fifty pounds; +it will come as a very boon of heaven, and assuredly blesseth him +that gives as much as him that takes. A poor fifty pounds, which +the wealthy fool throws away upon some idle or base fantasy, and +never thinks of it; yet to S- it will mean life and light. And I, +to whom this power of benefaction is such a new thing, sign the +cheque with a hand trembling, so glad and proud I am. In the days +gone by, I have sometimes given money, but with trembling of another +kind; it was as likely as not that I myself, some black foggy +morning, might have to go begging for my own dire needs. That is +one of the bitter curses of poverty; it leaves no right to be +generous. Of my abundance--abundance to me, though starveling +pittance in the view of everyday prosperity--I can give with +happiest freedom; I feel myself a man, and no crouching slave with +his back ever ready for the lash of circumstance. There are those, +I know, who thank the gods amiss, and most easily does this happen +in the matter of wealth. But oh, how good it is to desire little, +and to have a little more than enough! + + +IV + + +After two or three days of unseasonable and depressing warmth, with +lowering but not rainy sky, I woke this morning to find the land +covered with a dense mist. There was no daybreak, and, till long +after the due hour, no light save a pale, sad glimmer at the window; +now, at mid-day, I begin dimly to descry gaunt shapes of trees, +whilst a haunting drip, drip on the garden soil tells me that the +vapour has begun to condense, and will pass in rain. But for my +fire, I should be in indifferent spirits on such a day as this; the +flame sings and leaps, and its red beauty is reflected in the +window-glass. I cannot give my thoughts to reading; if I sat +unoccupied, they would brood with melancholy fixedness on I know not +what. Better to betake myself to the old mechanic exercise of the +pen, which cheats my sense of time wasted. + +I think of fogs in London, fogs of murky yellow or of sheer black, +such as have often made all work impossible to me, and held me, a +sort of dyspeptic owl, in moping and blinking idleness. On such a +day, I remember, I once found myself at an end both of coal and of +lamp-oil, with no money to purchase either; all I could do was to go +to bed, meaning to lie there till the sky once more became visible. +But a second day found the fog dense as ever. I rose in darkness; I +stood at the window of my garret, and saw that the street was +illumined as at night, lamps and shop-fronts perfectly visible, with +folk going about their business. The fog, in fact, had risen, but +still hung above the house-tops, impermeable by any heavenly beam. +My solitude being no longer endurable, I went out, and walked the +town for hours. When I returned, it was with a few coins which +permitted me to buy warmth and light. I had sold to a second-hand +bookseller a volume which I prized, and was so much the poorer for +the money in my pocket. + +Years after that, I recall another black morning. As usual at such +times, I was suffering from a bad cold. After a sleepless night, I +fell into a torpor, which held me unconscious for an hour or two. +Hideous cries aroused me; sitting up in the dark, I heard men going +along the street, roaring news of a hanging that had just taken +place. "Execution of Mrs."--I forget the name of the murderess. +"Scene on the scaffold!" It was a little after nine o'clock; the +enterprising paper had promptly got out its gibbet edition. A +morning of midwinter, roofs and ways covered with soot-grimed snow +under the ghastly fog-pall; and, whilst I lay there in my bed, that +woman had been led out and hanged--hanged. I thought with horror of +the possibility that I might sicken and die in that wilderness of +houses, nothing above me but "a foul and pestilent congregation of +vapours." Overcome with dread, I rose and bestirred myself. Blinds +drawn, lamp lit, and by a blazing fire, I tried to make believe that +it was kindly night. + + +V + + +Walking along the road after nightfall, I thought all at once of +London streets, and, by a freak of mind, wished I were there. I saw +the shining of shop-fronts, the yellow glistening of a wet pavement, +the hurrying people, the cabs, the omnibuses--and I wished I were +amid it all. + +What did it mean, but that I wished I were young again? Not seldom +I have a sudden vision of a London street, perhaps the dreariest and +ugliest, which for a moment gives me a feeling of home-sickness. +Often it is the High Street of Islington, which I have not seen for +a quarter of a century, at least; no thoroughfare in all London less +attractive to the imagination, one would say; but I see myself +walking there--walking with the quick, light step of youth, and +there, of course, is the charm. I see myself, after a long day of +work and loneliness, setting forth from my lodging. For the weather +I care nothing; rain, wind, fog--what does it matter! The fresh air +fills my lungs; my blood circles rapidly; I feel my muscles, and +have a pleasure in the hardness of the stone I tread upon. Perhaps +I have money in my pocket; I am going to the theatre, and, +afterwards, I shall treat myself to supper--sausage and mashed +potatoes, with a pint of foaming ale. The gusto with which I look +forward to each and every enjoyment! At the pit-door, I shall roll +and hustle amid the throng, and find it amusing. Nothing tires me. +Late at night, I shall walk all the way back to Islington, most +likely singing as I go. Not because I am happy--nay, I am anything +but that; but my age is something and twenty; I am strong and well. + +Put me in a London street this chill, damp night, and I should be +lost in barren discomfort. But in those old days, if I am not +mistaken, I rather preferred the seasons of bad weather; I had, in +fact, the true instinct of townsfolk, which finds pleasure in the +triumph of artificial circumstance over natural conditions, +delighting in a glare and tumult of busy life under hostile heavens +which, elsewhere, would mean shivering ill-content. The theatre, at +such a time, is doubly warm and bright; every shop is a happy +harbour of refuge--there, behind the counter, stand persons quite at +their ease, ready to chat as they serve you; the supper bars make +tempting display under their many gas-jets; the public houses are +full of people who all have money to spend. Then clangs out the +piano-organ--and what could be cheerier! + +I have much ado to believe that I really felt so. But then, if life +had not somehow made itself tolerable to me, how should I have lived +through those many years? Human creatures have a marvellous power +of adapting themselves to necessity. Were I, even now, thrown back +into squalid London, with no choice but to abide and work there-- +should I not abide and work? Notwithstanding thoughts of the +chemist's shop, I suppose I should. + + +VI + + +One of the shining moments of my day is that when, having returned a +little weary from an afternoon walk, I exchange boots for slippers, +out-of-doors coat for easy, familiar, shabby jacket, and, in my +deep, soft-elbowed chair, await the tea-tray. Perhaps it is while +drinking tea that I most of all enjoy the sense of leisure. In days +gone by, I could but gulp down the refreshment, hurried, often +harassed, by the thought of the work I had before me; often I was +quite insensible of the aroma, the flavour, of what I drank. Now, +how delicious is the soft yet penetrating odour which floats into my +study, with the appearance of the teapot! What solace in the first +cup, what deliberate sipping of that which follows! What a glow +does it bring after a walk in chilly rain! The while, I look around +at my books and pictures, tasting the happiness of their tranquil +possession. I cast an eye towards my pipe; perhaps I prepare it, +with seeming thoughtfulness, for the reception of tobacco. And +never, surely, is tobacco more soothing, more suggestive of humane +thoughts, than when it comes just after tea--itself a bland +inspirer. + +In nothing is the English genius for domesticity more notably +declared than in the institution of this festival--almost one may +call it so--of afternoon tea. Beneath simple roofs, the hour of tea +has something in it of sacred; for it marks the end of domestic work +and worry, the beginning of restful, sociable evening. The mere +chink of cups and saucers tunes the mind to happy repose. I care +nothing for your five o'clock tea of modish drawing-rooms, idle and +wearisome like all else in which that world has part; I speak of tea +where one is at home in quite another than the worldly sense. To +admit mere strangers to your tea-table is profanation; on the other +hand, English hospitality has here its kindliest aspect; never is +friend more welcome than when he drops in for a cup of tea. Where +tea is really a meal, with nothing between it and nine o'clock +supper, it is--again in the true sense--the homeliest meal of the +day. Is it believable that the Chinese, in who knows how many +centuries, have derived from tea a millionth part of the pleasure or +the good which it has brought to England in the past one hundred +years? + +I like to look at my housekeeper when she carries in the tray. Her +mien is festal, yet in her smile there is a certain gravity, as +though she performed an office which honoured her. She has dressed +for the evening; that is to say, her clean and seemly attire of +working hours is exchanged for garments suitable to fireside +leisure; her cheeks are warm, for she has been making fragrant +toast. Quickly her eye glances about my room, but only to have the +pleasure of noting that all is in order; inconceivable that anything +serious should need doing at this hour of the day. She brings the +little table within the glow of the hearth, so that I can help +myself without changing my easy position. If she speaks, it will +only be a pleasant word or two; should she have anything important +to say, the moment will be AFTER tea, not before it; this she knows +by instinct. Perchance she may just stoop to sweep back a cinder +which has fallen since, in my absence, she looked after the fire; it +is done quickly and silently. Then, still smiling, she withdraws, +and I know that she is going to enjoy her own tea, her own toast, in +the warm, comfortable, sweet-smelling kitchen. + + +VII + + +One has heard much condemnation of the English kitchen. Our typical +cook is spoken of as a gross, unimaginative creature, capable only +of roasting or seething. Our table is said to be such as would +weary or revolt any but gobbet-bolting carnivores. We are told that +our bread is the worst in Europe, an indigestible paste; that our +vegetables are diet rather for the hungry animal than for +discriminative man; that our warm beverages, called coffee and tea, +are so carelessly or ignorantly brewed that they preserve no simple +virtue of the drink as it is known in other lands. To be sure, +there is no lack of evidence to explain such censure. The class +which provides our servants is undeniably coarse and stupid, and its +handiwork of every kind too often bears the native stamp. For all +that, English victuals are, in quality, the best in the world, and +English cookery is the wholesomest and the most appetizing known to +any temperate clime. + +As in so many other of our good points, we have achieved this thing +unconsciously. Your ordinary Englishwoman engaged in cooking +probably has no other thought than to make the food masticable; but +reflect on the results, when the thing is well done, and there +appears a culinary principle. Nothing could be simpler, yet nothing +more right and reasonable. The aim of English cooking is so to deal +with the raw material of man's nourishment as to bring out, for the +healthy palate, all its natural juices and savours. And in this, +when the cook has any measure of natural or acquired skill, we most +notably succeed. Our beef is veritably beef; at its best, such beef +as can be eaten in no other country under the sun; our mutton is +mutton in its purest essence--think of a shoulder of Southdown at +the moment when the first jet of gravy starts under the carving +knife! Each of our vegetables yields its separate and +characteristic sweetness. It never occurs to us to disguise the +genuine flavour of food; if such a process be necessary, then +something is wrong with the food itself. Some wiseacre scoffed at +us as the people with only one sauce. The fact is, we have as many +sauces as we have kinds of meat; each, in the process of cookery, +yields its native sap, and this is the best of all sauces +conceivable. Only English folk know what is meant by GRAVY; +consequently, the English alone are competent to speak on the +question of sauce. + +To be sure, this culinary principle presupposes food of the finest +quality. If your beef and your mutton have flavours scarcely +distinguishable, whilst both this and that might conceivably be +veal, you will go to work in quite a different way; your object must +then be to disguise, to counterfeit, to add an alien relish--in +short, to do anything EXCEPT insist upon the natural quality of the +viand. Happily, the English have never been driven to these +expedients. Be it flesh, fowl, or fish, each comes to table so +distinctly and eminently itself that by no possibility could it be +confused with anything else. Give your average cook a bit of cod, +and tell her to dress it in her own way. The good creature will +carefully boil it, and there an end of the matter; and by no +exercise of art could she have so treated the fish as to make more +manifest and enjoyable that special savour which heaven has bestowed +upon cod. Think of our array of joints; how royal is each in its +own way, and how utterly unlike any of the others. Picture a boiled +leg of mutton. It is mutton, yes, and mutton of the best; nature +has bestowed upon man no sweeter morsel; but the same joint roasted +is mutton too, and how divinely different! The point is that these +differences are natural; that, in eliciting them, we obey the +eternal law of things, and no human caprice. Your artificial relish +is here not only needless, but offensive. + +In the case of veal, we demand "stuffing." Yes, for veal is a +somewhat insipid meat, and by experience we have discovered the best +method of throwing into relief such inherent goodness as it has. +The stuffing does not disguise, nor seek to disguise; it +accentuates. Good veal stuffing--reflect!--is in itself a triumph +of culinary instinct; so bland it is, and yet so powerful upon the +gastric juices. + +Did I call veal insipid? I must add that it is only so in +comparison with English beef and mutton. When I think of the +"brown" on the edge of a really fine cut of veal--! + + +VIII + + +As so often when my thought has gone forth in praise of things +English, I find myself tormented by an after-thought--the reflection +that I have praised a time gone by. Now, in this matter of English +meat. A newspaper tells me that English beef is non-existent; that +the best meat bearing that name has merely been fed up in England +for a short time before killing. Well, well; we can only be +thankful that the quality is still so good. Real English mutton +still exists, I suppose. It would surprise me if any other country +could produce the shoulder I had yesterday. + +Who knows? Perhaps even our own cookery has seen its best days. It +is a lamentable fact that the multitude of English people nowadays +never taste roasted meat; what they call by that name is baked in +the oven--a totally different thing, though it may, I admit, be +inferior only to the right roast. Oh, the sirloin of old times, the +sirloin which I can remember, thirty or forty years ago! That was +English, and no mistake, and all the history of civilization could +show nothing on the table of mankind to equal it. To clap that +joint into a steamy oven would have been a crime unpardonable by +gods and man. Have I not with my own eyes seen it turning, turning +on the spit? The scent it diffused was in itself a cure for +dyspepsia. + +It is very long since I tasted a slice of boiled beef; I have a +suspicion that the thing is becoming rare. In a household such as +mine, the "round" is impracticable; of necessity it must be large, +altogether too large for our requirements. But what exquisite +memories does my mind preserve! The very colouring of a round, how +rich it is, yet how delicate, and how subtly varied! The odour is +totally distinct from that of roast beef, and yet it is beef +incontestable. Hot, of course with carrots, it is a dish for a +king; but cold it is nobler. Oh, the thin broad slice, with just +its fringe of consistent fat! + +We are sparing of condiments, but such as we use are the best that +man has invented. And we know HOW to use them. I have heard an +impatient innovator scoff at the English law on the subject of +mustard, and demand why, in the nature of things, mustard should not +be eaten with mutton. The answer is very simple; this law has been +made by the English palate--which is impeccable. I maintain it is +impeccable! Your educated Englishman is an infallible guide in all +that relates to the table. "The man of superior intellect," said +Tennyson--justifying his love of boiled beef and new potatoes-- +"knows what is good to eat"; and I would extend it to all civilized +natives of our country. We are content with nothing but the finest +savours, the truest combinations; our wealth, and happy natural +circumstances, have allowed us an education of the palate of which +our natural aptitude was worthy. Think, by the bye, of those new +potatoes, just mentioned. Our cook, when dressing them, puts into +the saucepan a sprig of mint. This is genius. No otherwise could +the flavour of the vegetable be so perfectly, yet so delicately, +emphasized. The mint is there, and we know it; yet our palate knows +only the young potato. + + +IX + + +There is to me an odd pathos in the literature of vegetarianism. I +remember the day when I read these periodicals and pamphlets with +all the zest of hunger and poverty, vigorously seeking to persuade +myself that flesh was an altogether superfluous, and even a +repulsive, food. If ever such things fall under my eyes nowadays, I +am touched with a half humorous compassion for the people whose +necessity, not their will, consents to this chemical view of diet. +There comes before me a vision of certain vegetarian restaurants, +where, at a minim outlay, I have often enough made believe to +satisfy my craving stomach; where I have swallowed "savoury cutlet," +"vegetable steak," and I know not what windy insufficiencies tricked +up under specious names. One place do I recall where you had a +complete dinner for sixpence--I dare not try to remember the items. +But well indeed do I see the faces of the guests--poor clerks and +shopboys, bloodless girls and women of many sorts--all endeavouring +to find a relish in lentil soup and haricot something-or-other. It +was a grotesquely heart-breaking sight. + +I hate with a bitter hatred the names of lentils and haricots--those +pretentious cheats of the appetite, those tabulated humbugs, those +certificated aridities calling themselves human food! An ounce of +either, we are told, is equivalent to--how many pounds?--of the best +rump-steak. There are not many ounces of common sense in the brain +of him who proves it, or of him who believes it. In some countries, +this stuff is eaten by choice; in England only dire need can compel +to its consumption. Lentils and haricots are not merely insipid; +frequent use of them causes something like nausea. Preach and +tabulate as you will, the English palate--which is the supreme +judge--rejects this farinaceous makeshift. Even as it rejects +vegetables without the natural concomitant of meat; as it rejects +oatmeal-porridge and griddle-cakes for a mid-day meal; as it rejects +lemonade and ginger-ale offered as substitutes for honest beer. + +What is the intellectual and moral state of that man who really +believes that chemical analysis can be an equivalent for natural +gusto?--I will get more nourishment out of an inch of right +Cambridge sausage; aye, out of a couple of ounces of honest tripe; +than can be yielded me by half a hundredweight of the best lentils +ever grown. + + +X + + +Talking of vegetables, can the inhabited globe offer anything to vie +with the English potato justly steamed? I do not say that it is +always--or often--to be seen on our tables, for the steaming of a +potato is one of the great achievements of culinary art; but, when +it IS set before you, how flesh and spirit exult! A modest palate +will find more than simple comfort in your boiled potato of every +day, as served in the decent household. New or old, it is beyond +challenge delectable. Try to think that civilized nations exist to +whom this food is unknown--nay, who speak of it, on hearsay, with +contempt! Such critics, little as they suspect it, never ate a +potato in their lives. What they have swallowed under that name was +the vegetable with all its exquisite characteristics vulgarized or +destroyed. Picture the "ball of flour" (as old-fashioned housewives +call it) lying in the dish, diffusing the softest, subtlest aroma, +ready to crumble, all but to melt, as soon as it is touched; recall +its gust and its after-gust, blending so consummately with that of +the joint, hot or cold. Then think of the same potato cooked in any +other way, and what sadness will come upon you! + + +XI + + +It angers me to pass a grocer's shop, and see in the window a +display of foreign butter. This is the kind of thing that makes one +gloom over the prospects of England. The deterioration of English +butter is one of the worst signs of the moral state of our people. +Naturally, this article of food would at once betray a decline in +the virtues of its maker; butter must be a subject of the dairyman's +honest pride, or there is no hope of its goodness. Begin to save +your labour, to aim at dishonest profits, to feel disgust or +contempt for your work--and the churn declares every one of these +vices. They must be very prevalent, for it is getting to be a rare +thing to eat English butter which is even tolerable. What! England +dependent for dairy-produce upon France, Denmark, America? Had we +but one true statesman--but one genuine leader of the people--the +ears of English landowners and farmers would ring and tingle with +this proof of their imbecility. + +Nobody cares. Who cares for anything but the show and bluster which +are threatening our ruin? English food, not long ago the best in +the world, is falling off in quality, and even our national genius +for cooking shows a decline; to anyone who knows England, these are +facts significant enough. Foolish persons have prated about "our +insular cuisine," demanding its reform on Continental models, and +they have found too many like unto themselves who were ready to +listen; the result will be, before long, that our excellence will be +forgotten, and paltry methods be universally introduced, together +with the indifferent viands to which they are suited. Yet, if any +generality at all be true, it is a plain fact that English diet and +English virtue--in the largest sense of the word--are inseparably +bound together. + +Our supremacy in this matter of the table came with little taking of +thought; what we should now do is to reflect upon the things which +used to be instinctive, perceive the reasons of our excellence, and +set to work to re-establish it. Of course the vilest cooking in the +kingdom is found in London; is it not with the exorbitant growth of +London that many an ill has spread over the land? London is the +antithesis of the domestic ideal; a social reformer would not even +glance in that direction, but would turn all his zeal upon small +towns and country districts, where blight may perhaps be arrested, +and whence, some day, a reconstituted national life may act upon the +great centre of corruption. I had far rather see England covered +with schools of cookery than with schools of the ordinary kind; the +issue would be infinitely more hopeful. Little girls should be +taught cooking and baking more assiduously than they are taught to +read. But with ever in view the great English principle--that food +is only cooked aright when it yields the utmost of its native and +characteristic savour. Let sauces be utterly forbidden--save the +natural sauce made of gravy. In the same way with sweets; keep in +view the insurpassable English ideals of baked tarts (or pies, if so +you call them), and boiled puddings; as they are the wholesomest, so +are they the most delicious of sweet cakes yet invented; it is +merely a question of having them well made and cooked. Bread, +again; we are getting used to bread of poor quality, and ill-made, +but the English loaf at its best--such as you were once sure of +getting in every village--is the faultless form of the staff of +life. Think of the glorious revolution that could be wrought in our +troubled England if it could be ordained that no maid, of whatever +rank, might become a wife unless she had proved her ability to make +and bake a perfect loaf of bread. + + +XII + + +The good S- writes me a kindly letter. He is troubled by the +thought of my loneliness. That I should choose to live in such a +place as this through the summer, he can understand; but surely I +should do better to come to town for the winter? How on earth do I +spend the dark days and the long evenings? + +I chuckle over the good S-'s sympathy. Dark days are few in happy +Devon, and such as befall have never brought me a moment's tedium. +The long, wild winter of the north would try my spirits; but here, +the season that follows autumn is merely one of rest, Nature's +annual slumber. And I share in the restful influence. Often enough +I pass an hour in mere drowsing by the fireside; frequently I let my +book drop, satisfied to muse. But more often than not the winter +day is blest with sunshine--the soft beam which is Nature's smile in +dreaming. I go forth, and wander far. It pleases me to note +changes of landscape when the leaves have fallen; I see streams and +ponds which during summer were hidden; my favourite lanes have an +unfamiliar aspect, and I become better acquainted with them. Then, +there is a rare beauty in the structure of trees ungarmented; and if +perchance snow or frost have silvered their tracery against the +sober sky, it becomes a marvel which never tires. + +Day by day I look at the coral buds on the lime-tree. Something of +regret will mingle with my joy when they begin to break. + +In the middle years of my life--those years that were the worst of +all--I used to dread the sound of a winter storm which woke me in +the night. Wind and rain lashing the house filled me with miserable +memories and apprehensions; I lay thinking of the savage struggle of +man with man, and often saw before me no better fate than to be +trampled down into the mud of life. The wind's wail seemed to me +the voice of a world in anguish; rain was the weeping of the feeble +and the oppressed. But nowadays I can lie and listen to a night- +storm with no intolerable thoughts; at worst, I fall into a +compassionate sadness as I remember those I loved and whom I shall +see no more. For myself, there is even comfort in the roaring dark; +for I feel the strength of the good walls about me, and my safety +from squalid peril such as pursued me through all my labouring life. +"Blow, blow, thou winter wind!" Thou canst not blow away the modest +wealth which makes my security. Nor can any "rain upon the roof" +put my soul to question; for life has given me all I ever asked-- +infinitely more than I ever hoped--and in no corner of my mind does +there lurk a coward fear of death. + + +XIII + + +If some stranger from abroad asked me to point out to him the most +noteworthy things in England, I should first of all consider his +intellect. Were he a man of everyday level, I might indicate for +his wonder and admiration Greater London, the Black Country, South +Lancashire, and other features of our civilization which, despite +eager rivalry, still maintain our modern pre-eminence in the +creation of ugliness. If, on the other hand, he seemed a man of +brains, it would be my pleasure to take him to one of those old +villages, in the midlands or the west, which lie at some distance +from a railway station, and in aspect are still untouched by the +baser tendencies of the time. Here, I would tell my traveller, he +saw something which England alone can show. The simple beauty of +the architecture, its perfect adaptation to the natural +surroundings, the neatness of everything though without formality, +the general cleanness and good repair, the grace of cottage gardens, +that tranquillity and security which make a music in the mind of him +who gazes--these are what a man must see and feel if he would +appreciate the worth and the power of England. The people which has +made for itself such homes as these is distinguished, above all +things, by its love of order; it has understood, as no other people, +the truth that "order is heaven's first law." With order it is +natural to find stability, and the combination of these qualities, +as seen in domestic life, results in that peculiarly English +product, our name for which--though but a pale shadow of the thing +itself--has been borrowed by other countries: comfort. + +Then Englishman's need of "comfort" is one of his best +characteristics; the possibility that he may change in this respect, +and become indifferent to his old ideal of physical and mental ease, +is the gravest danger manifest in our day. For "comfort," mind you, +does not concern the body alone; the beauty and orderliness of an +Englishman's home derive their value, nay, their very existence, +from the spirit which directs his whole life. Walk from the village +to the noble's mansion. It, too, is perfect of its kind; it has the +dignity of age, its walls are beautiful, the gardens, the park about +it are such as can be found only in England, lovely beyond compare; +and all this represents the same moral characteristics as the +English cottage, but with greater activities and responsibilities. +If the noble grow tired of his mansion, and, letting it to some +crude owner of millions, go to live in hotels and hired villas; if +the cottager sicken of his village roof, and transport himself to +the sixth floor of a "block" in Shoreditch; one sees but too well +that the one and the other have lost the old English sense of +comfort, and, in losing it, have suffered degradation alike as men +and as citizens. It is not a question of exchanging one form of +comfort for another; the instinct which made an Englishman has in +these cases perished. Perhaps it is perishing from among us +altogether, killed by new social and political conditions; one who +looks at villages of the new type, at the working-class quarters of +towns, at the rising of "flats" among the dwellings of the wealthy, +has little choice but to think so. There may soon come a day when, +though the word "comfort" continues to be used in many languages, +the thing it signifies will be discoverable nowhere at all. + + +XIV + + +If the ingenious foreigner found himself in some village of +manufacturing Lancashire, he would be otherwise impressed. Here +something of the power of England might be revealed to him, but of +England's worth, little enough. Hard ugliness would everywhere +assail his eyes; the visages and voices of the people would seem to +him thoroughly akin to their surroundings. Scarcely could one find, +in any civilized nation, a more notable contrast than that between +these two English villages and their inhabitants. + +Yet Lancashire is English, and there among the mill chimneys, in the +hideous little street, folk are living whose domestic thoughts claim +undeniable kindred with those of the villagers of the kinder south. +But to understand how "comfort," and the virtues it implies, can +exist amid such conditions, one must penetrate to the hearthside; +the door must be shut, the curtain drawn; here "home" does not +extend beyond the threshold. After all, this grimy row of houses, +ugliest that man ever conceived, is more representative of England +to-day than the lovely village among the trees and meadows. More +than a hundred years ago, power passed from the south of England to +the north. The vigorous race on the other side of Trent only found +its opportunity when the age of machinery began; its civilization, +long delayed, differs in obvious respects from that of older +England. In Sussex or in Somerset, however dull and clownish the +typical inhabitant, he plainly belongs to an ancient order of +things, represents an immemorial subordination. The rude man of the +north is--by comparison--but just emerged from barbarism, and under +any circumstances would show less smooth a front. By great +misfortune, he has fallen under the harshest lordship the modern +world has known--that of scientific industrialism, and all his +vigorous qualities are subdued to a scheme of life based upon the +harsh, the ugly, the sordid. His racial heritage, of course, marks +him to the eye; even as ploughman or shepherd, he differs notably +from him of the same calling in the weald or on the downs. But the +frank brutality of the man in all externals has been encouraged, +rather than mitigated, by the course his civilization has taken, and +hence it is that, unless one knows him well enough to respect him, +he seems even yet stamped with the half-savagery of his folk as they +were a century and a half ago. His fierce shyness, his arrogant +self-regard, are notes of a primitive state. Naturally, he never +learnt to house himself as did the Southerner, for climate, as well +as social circumstance, was unfavourable to all the graces of life. +And now one can only watch the encroachment of his rule upon that +old, that true England whose strength and virtue were so differently +manifested. This fair broad land of the lovely villages signifies +little save to the antiquary, the poet, the painter. Vainly, +indeed, should I show its beauty and its peace to the observant +foreigner; he would but smile, and, with a glance at the traction- +engine just coming along the road, indicate the direction of his +thoughts. + + +XV + + +Nothing in all Homer pleases me more than the bedstead of Odysseus. +I have tried to turn the passage describing it into English verse, +thus:- + + +Here in my garth a goodly olive grew; +Thick was the noble leafage of its prime, +And like a carven column rose the trunk. +This tree about I built my chamber walls, +Laying great stone on stone, and roofed them well, +And in the portal set a comely door, +Stout-hinged and tightly closing. Then with axe +I lopped the leafy olive's branching head, +And hewed the bole to four-square shapeliness, +And smoothed it, craftsmanlike, and grooved and pierced, +Making the rooted timber, where it grew, +A corner of my couch. Labouring on, +I fashioned all the bed-frame; which complete, +The wood I overlaid with shining gear +Of gold, of silver, and of ivory. +And last, between the endlong beams I stretched +Stout thongs of ox-hide, dipped in purple dye. + +Odyssey, xxiii. 190-201. + + +Did anyone ever imitate the admirable precedent? Were I a young +man, and an owner of land, assuredly I would do so. Choose some +goodly tree, straight-soaring; cut away head and branches; leave +just the clean trunk and build your house about it in such manner +that the top of the rooted timber rises a couple of feet above your +bedroom floor. The trunk need not be manifest in the lower part of +the house, but I should prefer to have it so; I am a tree- +worshipper; it should be as the visible presence of a household god. +And how could one more nobly symbolize the sacredness of Home? +There can be no home without the sense of permanence, and without +home there is no civilization--as England will discover when the +greater part of her population have become flat-inhabiting nomads. +In some ideal commonwealth, one can imagine the Odyssean bed a +normal institution, every head of a household, cottager or lord (for +the commonwealth must have its lords, go to!), lying down to rest, +as did his fathers, in the Chamber of the Tree. This, one fancies, +were a somewhat more fitting nuptial chamber than the chance bedroom +of a hotel. Odysseus building his home is man performing a supreme +act of piety; through all the ages that picture must retain its +profound significance. Note the tree he chose, the olive, sacred to +Athena, emblem of peace. When he and the wise goddess meet together +to scheme destruction of the princes, they sit [Greek text]. Their +talk is of bloodshed, true; but in punishment of those who have +outraged the sanctity of the hearth, and to re-establish, after +purification, domestic calm and security. It is one of the dreary +aspects of modern life that natural symbolism has all but perished. +We have no consecrated tree. The oak once held a place in English +hearts, but who now reveres it?--our trust is in gods of iron. +Money is made at Christmas out of holly and mistletoe, but who save +the vendors would greatly care if no green branch were procurable? +One symbol, indeed, has obscured all others--the minted round of +metal. And one may safely say that, of all the ages since a coin +first became the symbol of power, ours is that in which it yields to +the majority of its possessors the poorest return in heart's +contentment. + + +XVI + + +I have been dull to-day, haunted by the thought of how much there is +that I would fain know, and how little I can hope to learn. The +scope of knowledge has become so vast. I put aside nearly all +physical investigation; to me it is naught, or only, at moments, a +matter of idle curiosity. This would seem to be a considerable +clearing of the field; but it leaves what is practically the +infinite. To run over a list of only my favourite subjects, those +to which, all my life long, I have more or less applied myself, +studies which hold in my mind the place of hobbies, is to open +vistas of intellectual despair. In an old note-book I jotted down +such a list--"things I hope to know, and to know well." I was then +four and twenty. Reading it with the eyes of fifty-four, I must +needs laugh. There appear such modest items as "The history of the +Christian Church up to the Reformation"--"all Greek poetry"--"The +field of Mediaeval Romance"--"German literature from Lessing to +Heine"--"Dante!" Not one of these shall I ever "know, and know +well"; not any one of them. Yet here I am buying books which lead +me into endless paths of new temptation. What have I to do with +Egypt? Yet I have been beguiled by Flinders Petrie and by Maspero. +How can I pretend to meddle with the ancient geography of Asia +Minor? Yet here have I bought Prof. Ramsay's astonishing book, and +have even read with a sort of troubled enjoyment a good many pages +of it; troubled, because I have but to reflect a moment, and I see +that all this kind of thing is mere futile effort of the intellect +when the time for serious intellectual effort is over. + +It all means, of course, that, owing to defective opportunity, +owing, still more perhaps, to lack of method and persistence, a +possibility that was in me has been wasted, lost. My life has been +merely tentative, a broken series of false starts and hopeless new +beginnings. If I allowed myself to indulge that mood, I could +revolt against the ordinance which allows me no second chance. O +mihi praeteritos referat si Jupiter annos! If I could but start +again, with only the experience there gained! I mean, make a new +beginning of my intellectual life; nothing else, O heaven! nothing +else. Even amid poverty, I could do so much better; keeping before +my eyes some definite, some not unattainable, good; sternly +dismissing the impracticable, the wasteful. + +And, in doing so, become perhaps an owl-eyed pedant, to whom would +be for ever dead the possibility of such enjoyment as I know in +these final years. Who can say? Perhaps the sole condition of my +progress to this state of mind and heart which make my happiness was +that very stumbling and erring which I so regret. + + +XVII + + +Why do I give so much of my time to the reading of history? Is it +in any sense profitable to me? What new light can I hope for on the +nature of man? What new guidance for the direction of my own life +through the few years that may remain to me? But it is with no such +purpose that I read these voluminous books; they gratify--or seem to +gratify--a mere curiosity; and scarcely have I closed a volume, when +the greater part of what I have read in it is forgotten. + +Heaven forbid that I should remember all! Many a time I have said +to myself that I would close the dreadful record of human life, lay +it for ever aside, and try to forget it. Somebody declares that +history is a manifestation of the triumph of good over evil. The +good prevails now and then, no doubt, but how local and transitory +is such triumph. If historic tomes had a voice, it would sound as +one long moan of anguish. Think steadfastly of the past, and one +sees that only by defect of imaginative power can any man endure to +dwell with it. History is a nightmare of horrors; we relish it, +because we love pictures, and because all that man has suffered is +to man rich in interest. But make real to yourself the vision of +every blood-stained page--stand in the presence of the ravening +conqueror, the savage tyrant--tread the stones of the dungeon and of +the torture-room--feel the fire of the stake--hear the cries of that +multitude which no man can number, the victims of calamity, of +oppression, of fierce injustice in its myriad forms, in every land, +in every age--and what joy have you of your historic reading? One +would need to be a devil to understand it thus, and yet to delight +in it. + +Injustice--there is the loathed crime which curses the memory of the +world. The slave doomed by his lord's caprice to perish under +tortures--one feels it a dreadful and intolerable thing; but it is +merely the crude presentment of what has been done and endured a +million times in every stage of civilization. Oh, the last thoughts +of those who have agonized unto death amid wrongs to which no man +would give ear! That appeal of innocence in anguish to the hard, +mute heavens! Were there only one such instance in all the +chronicles of time, it should doom the past to abhorred oblivion. +Yet injustice, the basest, the most ferocious, is inextricable from +warp and woof in the tissue of things gone by. And if anyone +soothes himself with the reflection that such outrages can happen no +more, that mankind has passed beyond such hideous possibility, he is +better acquainted with books than with human nature. + +It were wiser to spend my hours with the books which bring no +aftertaste of bitterness--with the great poets whom I love, with the +thinkers, with the gentle writers of pages that soothe and +tranquillize. Many a volume regards me from the shelf as though +reproachfully; shall I never again take it in my hands? Yet the +words are golden, and I would fain treasure them all in my heart's +memory. Perhaps the last fault of which I shall cure myself is that +habit of mind which urges me to seek knowledge. Was I not yesterday +on the point of ordering a huge work of erudition, which I should +certainly never have read through, and which would only have served +to waste precious days? It is the Puritan in my blood, I suppose, +which forbids me to recognise frankly that all I have now to do is +to ENJOY. This is wisdom. The time for acquisition has gone by. I +am not foolish enough to set myself learning a new language; why +should I try to store my memory with useless knowledge of the past? + +Come, once more before I die I will read Don Quixote. + + +XVIII + + +Somebody has been making a speech, reported at a couple of columns' +length in the paper. As I glance down the waste of print, one word +catches my eye again and again. It's all about "science"--and +therefore doesn't concern me. + +I wonder whether there are many men who have the same feeling with +regard to "science" as I have? It is something more than a +prejudice; often it takes the form of a dread, almost a terror. +Even those branches of science which are concerned with things that +interest me--which deal with plants and animals and the heaven of +stars--even these I cannot contemplate without uneasiness, a +spiritual disaffection; new discoveries, new theories, however they +engage my intelligence, soon weary me, and in some way depress. +When it comes to other kinds of science--the sciences blatant and +ubiquitous--the science by which men become millionaires--I am +possessed with an angry hostility, a resentful apprehension. This +was born in me, no doubt; I cannot trace it to circumstances of my +life, or to any particular moment of my mental growth. My boyish +delight in Carlyle doubtless nourished the temper, but did not +Carlyle so delight me because of what was already in my mind? I +remember, as a lad, looking at complicated machinery with a +shrinking uneasiness which, of course, I did not understand; I +remember the sort of disturbed contemptuousness with which, in my +time of "examinations," I dismissed "science papers." It is +intelligible enough to me, now, that unformed fear: the ground of +my antipathy has grown clear enough. I hate and fear "science" +because of my conviction that, for long to come if not for ever, it +will be the remorseless enemy of mankind. I see it destroying all +simplicity and gentleness of life, all the beauty of the world; I +see it restoring barbarism under a mask of civilization; I see it +darkening men's minds and hardening their hearts; I see it bringing +a time of vast conflicts, which will pale into insignificance "the +thousand wars of old," and, as likely as not, will whelm all the +laborious advances of mankind in blood-drenched chaos. + +Yet to rail against it is as idle as to quarrel with any other force +of nature. For myself, I can hold apart, and see as little as +possible of the thing I deem accursed. But I think of some who are +dear to me, whose life will be lived in the hard and fierce new age. +The roaring "Jubilee" of last summer was for me an occasion of +sadness; it meant that so much was over and gone--so much of good +and noble, the like of which the world will not see again, and that +a new time of which only the perils are clearly visible, is rushing +upon us. Oh, the generous hopes and aspirations of forty years ago! +Science, then, was seen as the deliverer; only a few could prophesy +its tyranny, could foresee that it would revive old evils and +trample on the promises of its beginning. This is the course of +things; we must accept it. But it is some comfort to me that I-- +poor little mortal--have had no part in bringing the tyrant to his +throne. + + +XIX + + +The Christmas bells drew me forth this morning. With but half- +formed purpose, I walked through soft, hazy sunshine towards the +city, and came into the Cathedral Close, and, after lingering +awhile, heard the first notes of the organ, and so entered. I +believe it is more than thirty years since I was in an English +church on Christmas Day. The old time and the old faces lived again +for me; I saw myself on the far side of the abyss of years--that +self which is not myself at all, though I mark points of kindred +between the beings of then and now. He who in that other world sat +to hear the Christmas gospel, either heeded it not at all--rapt in +his own visions--or listened only as one in whose blood was heresy. +He loved the notes of the organ, but, even in his childish mind, +distinguished clearly between the music and its local motive. More +than that, he could separate the melody of word and of thought from +their dogmatic significance, enjoying the one whilst wholly +rejecting the other. "On earth peace, goodwill to men"--already +that line was among the treasures of his intellect, but only, no +doubt, because of its rhythm, its sonority. Life, to him, was a +half-conscious striving for the harmonic in thought and speech--and +through what a tumult of unmelodious circumstance was he beginning +to fight his way! + +To-day, I listen with no heretical promptings. The music, whether +of organ or of word, is more to me than ever; the literal meaning +causes me no restiveness. I felt only glad that I had yielded to +the summons of the Christmas bells. I sat among a congregation of +shadows, not in the great cathedral, but in a little parish church +far from here. When I came forth, it astonished me to see the +softly radiant sky, and to tread on the moist earth; my dream +expected a wind-swept canopy of cold grey, and all beneath it the +gleam of new-fallen snow. It is a piety to turn awhile and live +with the dead, and who can so well indulge it as he whose Christmas +is passed in no unhappy solitude? I would not now, if I might, be +one of a joyous company; it is better to hear the long-silent +voices, and to smile at happy things which I alone can remember. +When I was scarce old enough to understand, I heard read by the +fireside the Christmas stanzas of "In Memoriam." To-night I have +taken down the volume, and the voice of so long ago has read to me +once again--read as no other ever did, that voice which taught me to +know poetry, the voice which never spoke to me but of good and noble +things. Would I have those accents overborne by a living tongue, +however welcome its sound at another time? Jealously I guard my +Christmas solitude. + + +XX + + +Is it true that the English are deeply branded with the vice of +hypocrisy? The accusation, of course, dates from the time of the +Round-heads; before that, nothing in the national character could +have suggested it. The England of Chaucer, the England of +Shakespeare, assuredly was not hypocrite. The change wrought by +Puritanism introduced into the life of the people that new element +which ever since, more or less notably, has suggested to the +observer a habit of double-dealing in morality and religion. The +scorn of the Cavalier is easily understood; it created a traditional +Cromwell, who, till Carlyle arose, figured before the world as our +arch-dissembler. With the decline of genuine Puritanism came that +peculiarly English manifestation of piety and virtue which is +represented by Mr. Pecksniff--a being so utterly different from +Tartufe, and perhaps impossible to be understood save by Englishmen +themselves. But it is in our own time that the familiar reproach +has been persistently levelled at us. It often sounds upon the lips +of our emancipated youth; it is stereotyped for daily impression in +the offices of Continental newspapers. And for the reason one has +not far to look. When Napoleon called us a "nation of shop- +keepers," we were nothing of the kind; since his day we have become +so, in the strictest sense of the word; and consider the spectacle +of a flourishing tradesman, anything but scrupulous in his methods +of business, who loses no opportunity of bidding all mankind to +regard him as a religious and moral exemplar. This is the actual +show of things with us; this is the England seen by our bitterest +censors. There is an excuse for those who charge us with +"hypocrisy." + +But the word is ill-chosen, and indicates a misconception. The +characteristic of your true hypocrite is the assumption of a virtue +which not only he has not, but which he is incapable of possessing, +and in which he does not believe. The hypocrite may have, most +likely has, (for he is a man of brains,) a conscious rule of life, +but it is never that of the person to whom his hypocrisy is +directed. Tartufe incarnates him once for all. Tartufe is by +conviction an atheist and a sensualist; he despises all who regard +life from the contrasted point of view. But among Englishmen such +an attitude of mind has always been extremely rare; to presume it in +our typical money-maker who has edifying sentiments on his lips is +to fall into a grotesque error of judgment. No doubt that error is +committed by the ordinary foreign journalist, a man who knows less +than little of English civilization. More enlightened critics, if +they use the word at all, do so carelessly; when speaking with more +precision, they call the English "pharisaic"--and come nearer the +truth. + +Our vice is self-righteousness. We are essentially an Old Testament +people; Christianity has never entered into our soul we see +ourselves as the Chosen, and by no effort of spiritual aspiration +can attain unto humility. In this there is nothing hypocritic. The +blatant upstart who builds a church, lays out his money in that way +not merely to win social consideration; in his curious little soul +he believes (so far as he can believe anything) that what he has +done is pleasing to God and beneficial to mankind. He may have lied +and cheated for every sovereign he possesses; he may have polluted +his life with uncleanness; he may have perpetrated many kinds of +cruelty and baseness--but all these things has he done against his +conscience, and, as soon as the opportunity comes, he will make +atonement for them in the way suggested by such faith as he has, the +way approved by public opinion. His religion, strictly defined, is +AN INERADICABLE BELIEF IN HIS OWN RELIGIOUSNESS. As an Englishman, +he holds as birthright the true Piety, the true Morals. That he has +"gone wrong" is, alas, undeniable, but never--even when leering most +satirically--did he deny his creed. When, at public dinners and +elsewhere, he tuned his voice to the note of edification, this man +did not utter the lie of the hypocrite he MEANT EVERY WORD HE SAID. +Uttering high sentiments, he spoke, not as an individual, but as an +Englishman, and most thoroughly did he believe that all who heard +him owed in their hearts allegiance to the same faith. He is, if +you like, a Pharisee--but do not misunderstand; his Pharisaism has +nothing personal. That would be quite another kind of man; +existing, to be sure, in England, but not as a national type. No; +he is a Pharisee in the minor degree with regard to those of his +countrymen who differ from him in dogma; he is Pharisee absolute +with regard to the foreigner. And there he stands, representing an +Empire. + +The word hypocrisy is perhaps most of all applied to our behaviour +in matters of sexual morality, and here with specially flagrant +misuse. Multitudes of Englishmen have thrown aside the national +religious dogma, but very few indeed have abandoned the conviction +that the rules of morality publicly upheld in England are the best +known in the world. Any one interested in doing so can but too +easily demonstrate that English social life is no purer than that of +most other countries. Scandals of peculiar grossness, at no long +intervals, give rich opportunity to the scoffer. The streets of our +great towns nightly present an exhibition the like of which cannot +be seen elsewhere in the world. Despite all this, your average +Englishman takes for granted his country's moral superiority, and +loses no chance of proclaiming it at the expense of other peoples. +To call him hypocrite, is simply not to know the man. He may, for +his own part, be gross-minded and lax of life; that has nothing to +do with the matter; HE BELIEVES IN VIRTUE. Tell him that English +morality is mere lip-service, and he will blaze with as honest anger +as man ever felt. He is a monument of self-righteousness, again not +personal but national. + + +XXI + + +I make use of the present tense, but am I speaking truly of present +England? Such powerful agencies of change have been at work during +the last thirty years; and it is difficult, nay impossible, to +ascertain in what degree they have affected the national character, +thus far. One notes the obvious: decline of conventional religion, +free discussion of the old moral standards; therewith, a growth of +materialism which favours every anarchic tendency. Is it to be +feared that self-righteousness may be degenerating into the darker +vice of true hypocrisy? For the English to lose belief in +themselves--not merely in their potential goodness, but in their +pre-eminence as examples and agents of good--would mean as hopeless +a national corruption as any recorded in history. To doubt their +genuine worship, in the past, of a very high (though not, of course, +the highest) ethical ideal, is impossible for any one born and bred +in England; no less impossible to deny that those who are rightly +deemed "best" among us, the men and women of gentle or humble birth +who are not infected by the evils of the new spirit, still lead, in +a very true sense, "honest, sober, and godly" lives. Such folk, one +knows, were never in a majority, but of old they had a power which +made them veritable representatives of the English ETHOS. If they +thought highly of themselves, why, the fact justified them; if they +spoke, at times, as Pharisees, it was a fault of temper which +carried with it no grave condemnation. Hypocrisy was, of all forms +of baseness, that which they most abhorred. So is it still with +their descendants. Whether these continue to speak among us with +authority, no man can certainly say. If their power is lost, and +those who talk of English hypocrisy no longer use the word amiss, we +shall soon know it. + + +XXII + + +It is time that we gave a second thought to Puritanism. In the +heyday of release from forms which had lost their meaning, it was +natural to look back on that period of our history with eyes that +saw in it nothing but fanatical excess; we approved the picturesque +phrase which showed the English mind going into prison and having +the key turned upon it. Now, when the peril of emancipation becomes +as manifest as was the hardship of restraint, we shall do well to +remember all the good that lay in that stern Puritan discipline, how +it renewed the spiritual vitality of our race, and made for the +civic freedom which is our highest national privilege. An age of +intellectual glory is wont to be paid for in the general decline of +that which follows. Imagine England under Stuart rule, with no +faith but the Protestantism of the Tudor. Imagine (not to think of +worse) English literature represented by Cowley, and the name of +Milton unknown. The Puritan came as the physician; he brought his +tonic at the moment when lassitude and supineness would naturally +have followed upon a supreme display of racial vitality. Regret, if +you will, that England turned for her religion to the books of +Israel; this suddenly revealed sympathy of our race with a fierce +Oriental theocracy is perhaps not difficult to explain, but one +cannot help wishing that its piety had taken another form; later, +there had to come the "exodus from Houndsditch," with how much +conflict and misery! Such, however, was the price of the soul's +health; we must accept the fact, and be content to see its better +meaning. Health, of course, in speaking of mankind, is always a +relative term. From the point of view of a conceivable +civilization, Puritan England was lamentably ailing; but we must +always ask, not how much better off a people might be, but how much +worse. Of all theological systems, the most convincing is +Manicheism, which, of course, under another name, was held by the +Puritans themselves. What we call Restoration morality--the +morality, that is to say, of a king and court--might well have +become that of the nation at large under a Stuart dynasty safe from +religious revolution. + +The political services of Puritanism were inestimable; they will be +more feelingly remembered when England has once more to face the +danger of political tyranny. I am thinking now of its effects upon +social life. To it we owe the characteristic which, in some other +countries, is expressed by the term English prudery, the accusation +implied being part of the general charge of hypocrisy. It is said +by observers among ourselves that the prudish habit of mind is dying +out, and this is looked upon as a satisfactory thing, as a sign of +healthy emancipation. If by prude be meant a secretly vicious +person who affects an excessive decorum, by all means let the prude +disappear, even at the cost of some shamelessness. If, on the other +hand, a prude is one who, living a decent life, cultivates, either +by bent or principle, a somewhat extreme delicacy of thought and +speech with regard to elementary facts of human nature, then I say +that this is most emphatically a fault in the right direction, and I +have no desire to see its prevalence diminish. On the whole, it is +the latter meaning which certain foreigners have in mind when they +speak of English prudery--at all events, as exhibited by women; it +being, not so much an imputation on chastity, as a charge of +conceited foolishness. An English woman who typifies the begueule +may be spotless as snow; but she is presumed to have snow's other +quality, and at the same time to be a thoroughly absurd and +intolerable creature. Well, here is the point of difference. +Fastidiousness of speech is not a direct outcome of Puritanism, as +our literature sufficiently proves; it is a refinement of +civilization following upon absorption into the national life of all +the best things which Puritanism had to teach. We who know English +women by the experience of a lifetime are well aware that their +careful choice of language betokens, far more often than not, a +corresponding delicacy of mind. Landor saw it as a ridiculous trait +that English people were so mealy-mouthed in speaking of their +bodies; De Quincey, taking him to task for this remark, declared it +a proof of blunted sensibility due to long residence in Italy; and, +whether the particular explanation held good or not, as regards the +question at issue, De Quincey was perfectly right. It is very good +to be mealy-mouthed with respect to everything that reminds us of +the animal in man. Verbal delicacy in itself will not prove an +advanced civilization, but civilization, as it advances, assuredly +tends that way. + + +XXIII + + +All through the morning, the air was held in an ominous stillness. +Sitting over my books, I seemed to feel the silence; when I turned +my look to the window, I saw nothing but the broad, grey sky, a +featureless expanse, cold, melancholy. Later, just as I was +bestirring myself to go out for an afternoon walk, something white +fell softly across my vision. A few minutes more, and all was +hidden with a descending veil of silent snow. + +It is a disappointment. Yesterday I half believed that the winter +drew to its end; the breath of the hills was soft; spaces of limpid +azure shone amid slow-drifting clouds, and seemed the promise of +spring. Idle by the fireside, in the gathering dusk, I began to +long for the days of light and warmth. My fancy wandered, leading +me far and wide in a dream of summer England. . . . + +This is the valley of the Blythe. The stream ripples and glances +over its brown bed warmed with sunbeams; by its bank the green flags +wave and rustle, and, all about, the meadows shine in pure gold of +buttercups. The hawthorn hedges are a mass of gleaming blossom, +which scents the breeze. There above rises the heath, yellow- +mantled with gorse, and beyond, if I walk for an hour or two, I +shall come out upon the sandy cliffs of Suffolk, and look over the +northern sea. . . . + +I am in Wensleydale, climbing from the rocky river that leaps amid +broad pastures up to the rolling moor. Up and up, till my feet +brush through heather, and the grouse whirrs away before me. Under +a glowing sky of summer, this air of the uplands has still a life +which spurs to movement, which makes the heart bound. The dale is +hidden; I see only the brown and purple wilderness, cutting against +the blue with great round shoulders, and, far away to the west, an +horizon of sombre heights. . . . + +I ramble through a village in Gloucestershire, a village which seems +forsaken in this drowsy warmth of the afternoon. The houses of grey +stone are old and beautiful, telling of a time when Englishmen knew +how to build whether for rich or poor; the gardens glow with +flowers, and the air is delicately sweet. At the village end, I +come into a lane, which winds upwards between grassy slopes, to turf +and bracken and woods of noble beech. Here I am upon a spur of the +Cotswolds, and before me spreads the wide vale of Evesham, with its +ripening crops, its fruiting orchards, watered by sacred Avon. +Beyond, softly blue, the hills of Malvern. On the branch hard by +warbles a little bird, glad in his leafy solitude. A rabbit jumps +through the fern. There sounds the laugh of a woodpecker from the +copse in yonder hollow. . . . + +In the falling of a summer night, I walk by Ullswater. The sky is +still warm with the afterglow of sunset, a dusky crimson smouldering +above the dark mountain line. Below me spreads a long reach of the +lake, steel-grey between its dim colourless shores. In the profound +stillness, the trotting of a horse beyond the water sounds strangely +near; it serves only to make more sensible the repose of Nature in +this her sanctuary. I feel a solitude unutterable, yet nothing akin +to desolation; the heart of the land I love seems to beat in the +silent night gathering around me; amid things eternal, I touch the +familiar and the kindly earth. Moving, I step softly, as though my +footfall were an irreverence. A turn in the road, and there is +wafted to me a faint perfume, that of meadow-sweet. Then I see a +light glimmering in the farmhouse window--a little ray against the +blackness of the great hillside, below which the water sleeps. . . . + +A pathway leads me by the winding of the river Ouse. Far on every +side stretches a homely landscape, tilth and pasture, hedgerow and +clustered trees, to where the sky rests upon the gentle hills. +Slow, silent, the river lapses between its daisied banks, its grey- +green osier beds. Yonder is the little town of St. Neots. In all +England no simpler bit of rural scenery; in all the world nothing of +its kind more beautiful. Cattle are lowing amid the rich meadows. +Here one may loiter and dream in utter restfulness, whilst the great +white clouds mirror themselves in the water as they pass above. . . +. + +I am walking upon the South Downs. In the valleys, the sun lies +hot, but here sings a breeze which freshens the forehead and fills +the heart with gladness. My foot upon the short, soft turf has an +unwearied lightness; I feel capable of walking on and on, even to +that farthest horizon where the white cloud casts its floating +shadow. Below me, but far off, is the summer sea, still, silent, +its ever-changing blue and green dimmed at the long limit with +luminous noontide mist. Inland spreads the undulant vastness of the +sheep-spotted downs, beyond them the tillage and the woods of Sussex +weald, coloured like to the pure sky above them, but in deeper tint. +Near by, all but hidden among trees in yon lovely hollow, lies an +old, old hamlet, its brown roofs decked with golden lichen; I see +the low church-tower, and the little graveyard about it. Meanwhile, +high in the heaven, a lark is singing. It descends; it drops to its +nest, and I could dream that half the happiness of its exultant song +was love of England. . . . + +It is all but dark. For a quarter of an hour I must have been +writing by a glow of firelight reflected on to my desk; it seemed to +me the sun of summer. Snow is still falling. I see its ghostly +glimmer against the vanishing sky. To-morrow it will be thick upon +my garden, and perchance for several days. But when it melts, when +it melts, it will leave the snowdrop. The crocus, too, is waiting, +down there under the white mantle which warms the earth. + + +XXIV + + +Time is money--says the vulgarest saw known to any age or people. +Turn it round about, and you get a precious truth--money is time. I +think of it on these dark, mist-blinded mornings, as I come down to +find a glorious fire crackling and leaping in my study. Suppose I +were so poor that I could not afford that heartsome blaze, how +different the whole day would be! Have I not lost many and many a +day of my life for lack of the material comfort which was necessary +to put my mind in tune? Money is time. With money I buy for +cheerful use the hours which otherwise would not in any sense be +mine; nay, which would make me their miserable bondsman. Money is +time, and, heaven be thanked, there needs so little of it for this +sort of purchase. He who has overmuch is wont to be as badly off in +regard to the true use of money, as he who has not enough. What are +we doing all our lives but purchasing, or trying to purchase, time? +And most of us, having grasped it with one hand, throw it away with +the other. + + +XXV + + +The dark days are drawing to an end. Soon it will be spring once +more; I shall go out into the fields, and shake away these thoughts +of discouragement and fear which have lately too much haunted my +fireside. For me, it is a virtue to be self-centred; I am much +better employed, from every point of view, when I live solely for my +own satisfaction, than when I begin to worry about the world. The +world frightens me, and a frightened man is no good for anything. I +know only one way in which I could have played a meritorious part as +an active citizen--by becoming a schoolmaster in some little country +town, and teaching half a dozen teachable boys to love study for its +own sake. That I could have done, I daresay. Yet, no; for I must +have had as a young man the same mind that I have in age, devoid of +idle ambitions, undisturbed by unattainable ideals. Living as I do +now, I deserve better of my country than at any time in my working +life; better, I suspect, than most of those who are praised for busy +patriotism. + +Not that I regard my life as an example for any one else; all I say +is, that it is good for me, and in so far an advantage to the world. +To live in quiet content is surely a piece of good citizenship. If +you can do more, do it, and God-speed! I know myself for an +exception. And I ever find it a good antidote to gloomy thoughts to +bring before my imagination the lives of men, utterly unlike me in +their minds and circumstances, who give themselves with glad and +hopeful energy to the plain duties that lie before them. However +one's heart may fail in thinking of the folly and baseness which +make so great a part of to-day's world, remember how many bright +souls are living courageously, seeing the good wherever it may be +discovered, undismayed by portents, doing what they have to do with +all their strength. In every land there are such, no few of them, a +great brotherhood, without distinction of race or faith; for they, +indeed, constitute the race of man, rightly designated, and their +faith is one, the cult of reason and of justice. Whether the future +is to them or to the talking anthropoid, no one can say. But they +live and labour, guarding the fire of sacred hope. + +In my own country, dare I think that they are fewer than of old? +Some I have known; they give me assurance of the many, near and far. +Hearts of noble strain, intrepid, generous; the clear head, the keen +eye; a spirit equal alike to good fortune and to ill. I see the +true-born son of England, his vigour and his virtues yet unimpaired. +In his blood is the instinct of honour, the scorn of meanness; he +cannot suffer his word to be doubted, and his hand will give away +all he has rather than profit by a plebeian parsimony. He is frugal +only of needless speech. A friend staunch to the death; tender with +a grave sweetness to those who claim his love; passionate, beneath +stoic seeming, for the causes he holds sacred. A hater of confusion +and of idle noise, his place is not where the mob presses; he makes +no vaunt of what he has done, no boastful promise of what he will +do; when the insensate cry is loud, the counsel of wisdom overborne, +he will hold apart, content with plain work that lies nearest to his +hand, building, strengthening, whilst others riot in destruction. +He was ever hopeful, and deems it a crime to despair of his country. +"Non, si male nunc, et olim sic erit." Fallen on whatever evil days +and evil tongues, he remembers that Englishman of old, who, under +every menace, bore right onwards; and like him, if so it must be, +can make it his duty and his service to stand and wait. + + +XXVI + + +Impatient for the light of spring, I have slept lately with my blind +drawn up, so that at waking, I have the sky in view. This morning, +I awoke just before sunrise. The air was still; a faint flush of +rose to westward told me that the east made fair promise. I could +see no cloud, and there before me, dropping to the horizon, +glistened the horned moon. + +The promise held good. After breakfast, I could not sit down by the +fireside; indeed, a fire was scarce necessary; the sun drew me +forth, and I walked all the morning about the moist lanes, +delighting myself with the scent of earth. + +On my way home, I saw the first celandine. + +So, once more, the year has come full circle. And how quickly; +alas, how quickly! Can it be a whole twelvemonth since the last +spring? Because I am so content with life, must life slip away, as +though it grudged me my happiness? Time was when a year drew its +slow length of toil and anxiety and ever frustrate waiting. Further +away, the year of childhood seemed endless. It is familiarity with +life that makes time speed quickly. When every day is a step in the +unknown, as for children, the days are long with gathering of +experience; the week gone by is already far in retrospect of things +learnt, and that to come, especially if it foretell some joy, +lingers in remoteness. Past mid-life, one learns little and expects +little. To-day is like unto yesterday, and to that which shall be +the morrow. Only torment of mind or body serves to delay the +indistinguishable hours. Enjoy the day, and, behold, it shrinks to +a moment. + +I could wish for many another year; yet, if I knew that not one more +awaited me, I should not grumble. When I was ill at ease in the +world, it would have been hard to die; I had lived to no purpose, +that I could discover; the end would have seemed abrupt and +meaningless. Now, my life is rounded; it began with the natural +irreflective happiness of childhood, it will close in the reasoned +tranquillity of the mature mind. How many a time, after long labour +on some piece of writing, brought at length to its conclusion, have +I laid down the pen with a sigh of thankfulness; the work was full +of faults, but I had wrought sincerely, had done what time and +circumstance and my own nature permitted. Even so may it be with me +in my last hour. May I look back on life as a long task duly +completed--a piece of biography; faulty enough, but good as I could +make it--and, with no thought but one of contentment, welcome the +repose to follow when I have breathed the word "Finis." + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg eText The Private Papers of Henry Ryecroft + |