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diff --git a/14186-h/14186-h.htm b/14186-h/14186-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5c75814 --- /dev/null +++ b/14186-h/14186-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,1997 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd"> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"> +<head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" + content="text/html; charset=UTF-8" /> + + <title>Punch, December 19, 1891.</title> + <style type="text/css"> + /*<![CDATA[*/ + + <!-- + body {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + p {text-align: justify;} + blockquote {text-align: justify;} + h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 {text-align: center;} + pre {font-size: 0.7em;} + + hr {text-align: center; width: 50%;} + html>body hr {margin-right: 25%; margin-left: 25%; width: 50%;} + hr.full {width: 100%;} + html>body hr.full {margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 0%; width: 100%;} + hr.short {text-align: center; width: 20%;} + html>body hr.short {margin-right: 40%; margin-left: 40%; width: 20%;} + + .note, .footnote {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-size: 0.9em;} + + span.pagenum + {position: absolute; left: 1%; right: 91%; font-size: 8pt;} + + .poem + {margin-left:10%; margin-right:10%; margin-bottom: 1em; text-align: left;} + .poem .stanza {margin: 1em 0em 1em 0em;} + .poem p {margin: 0; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + .poem p.i2 {margin-left: 1em;} + .poem p.i4 {margin-left: 2em;} + .poem p.i6 {margin-left: 3em;} + .poem p.i8 {margin-left: 4em;} + .poem p.i10 {margin-left: 5em;} + + .figure, .figcenter, .figright, .figleft + {padding: 1em; margin: 0; text-align: center; font-size: 0.8em;} + .figure img, .figcenter img, .figright img, .figleft img + {border: none;} + .figure p, .figcenter p, .figright p, .figleft p + {margin: 0; text-indent: 1em;} + .figcenter {margin: auto;} + .figright {float: right;} + .figleft {float: left;} + + p.author {text-align: right;} + --> + /*]]>*/ + </style> +</head> + +<body> +<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 14186 ***</div> + + <h1>PUNCH,<br /> + OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.</h1> + + <h2>Vol. 101.</h2> + <hr class="full" /> + + <h2>December 19, 1891.</h2> + <hr class="full" /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page289" + id="page289"></a>[pg 289]</span> + + <h2>OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.</h2> + + <div class="figleft" + style="width:25%;"> + <a href="images/289-1.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/289-1.png" + alt="King Cracker the Millionth, of the Bonbon Dynasty." /> + </a>King Cracker the Millionth, of the Bonbon Dynasty. + </div> + + <p>The Baron's Assistants say that of the Christmas works + published by Messrs. HUTCHINSON & CO. they can and do + recommend <i>The Children of Wilton Chase</i> by L.J. MEAD, to + which they accord their mead of praise, which likewise they + bestow on FLORENCE MARRYAT's <i>The Little Marine and the + Japanese Lily</i>, a book of adventures in the land of the + Rising Sun, which will delight many rising sons for whom + chiefly was this book intended. There are always "more ways + than one," and so <i>Where Two Ways Meet</i> there is like to + be a puzzle, solved in this instance by the authoress, SARAH + DOUDNEY. Put down the books! Come to the festive board! + Down—(the right way of course) with the mince-pie and + plum-pudding! Strange is it that the source of so much + enjoyment, the very types of Christmas good cheer, should + themselves be so "down in the mouth" as invariably are Mathew + Mince-pie and Peter Plum-pudding at this festive season. And + they being gone and cleared off, enter a gentleman bearing the + unusual and remarkable name of SMITH—familiarly welcomed + as "TOM" of that ilk—and then pop go the crackers! "But + we must keep the secret," whisper the Baron's Assistants, and + they strongly advise everyone not to peep into this <i>boîte à + surprise</i> until Christmas Day itself. So, for SPARAGNAPANE's + "charming confections, which," as the Baron's young lady + clerks, BLYTHE and GAY, observe, "are in the very highest style + of 'High Art'; and the same Mr. SPARE-NA-PAIN's <i>Darkest + Evening, and How to Get Out of It</i>, will be tidings of + comfort and joy to many a holiday-making household."</p> + + <p class="author">BARON DE BOOK-WORMS & CO.</p> + <hr /> + + <h2>A TRULY ROORAL OPERA.</h2> + + <div class="figright" + style="width:15%;"> + <a href="images/289-2.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/289-2.png" + alt="" /></a> + </div> + + <p>Sorry, indeed, are all London lovers of music at the sudden + departure from our midst and mist of <i>Cavalleria + Rusticana</i>, the Rustic Cavalier. It is no comfort to us to + be told that the Rustic Cavalier will go into the provinces and + appeal to the country. His province at present should have been + to remain in London, where, with nothing to speak of in the way + of <i>mise-en-scène</i>, he—that is, his composer, PIETRO + MASCAGNI—has made a decided hit. Wise was our Signor LAGO + "<i>al factotum</i>" in producing this, and knowing, too, must + he be in his use of Windsor soap to have so speedily "taken the + cake." Nay more, did not HER GRACIOUS MAJESTY absolutely retain + a Royal Box at the Shaftesbury up to the last night of the run + of this one-Act Opera? "<i>Ah, bravo, Figaro, bravissimo! + Fortunatissimo</i>!" What a treat, too, to hear again the + "<i>Che faro</i>." which brought down the Curtain, and brought + down the House, on this termination to GLUCK's <i>Orfeo</i>. + Strong, indeed, must be the <i>Cavalleria</i> to be successful + after the <i>Che taro</i>: but it was.</p> + + <p>The Overture, the solo sung, by way of novelty, behind the + Curtain, by TURIDDU,—(what a name! like the commencement + of a comic nonsensical chorus! TURIDDU ought to have been in + love with Tulla Lieti and have behaved badly to Tralala. "But + this is another story.")—the choruses, and most of the + concerted pieces are charming; and, above all, the + <i>intermezzo</i>, which, were the piece in two Acts, would he + the overture to the Second Act is simply so fascinating, that + without a dissentient voice from a full house it was warmly and + heartily encored, and would have been called for a third time + had the judicious Signor ARDITI shown the slightest sign of + conceding a supply to a fresh demand. None of the solos, except + the one sung behind the Curtain, are particularly catching, or + dramatically effective. Mlle. ELANDI, as <i>Santuzza</i>, acts + and sings well; and Signor BERTINI, with a good voice, is about + as stiff in action as a rustic Cavalier would naturally be; + while Signor BROMBARA's <i>Alfio</i> the Mule-driver is + histrionically just about perfect. Of course it will not he + long ere we hear it again, and under vastly improved + conditions.</p> + <hr /> + + <h2>A MAYOR AND OLD HUNTER.</h2> + + <div class="figright" + style="width:30%;"> + <a href="images/289-3.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/289-3.png" + alt="A Mayor and Old Hunter." /></a> + </div> + + <p>Last Thursday the Fishmongers gave a banquet in their hall + to the Duke of BEAUFORT and other Masters of Hounds. But why + should the Fishmongers thus publicly advertise themselves as + "going to the dogs." What fishly a-fin-ity is there between + hounds and herrings, except in the running of a drag? However, + the Lord MAYOR improved the occasion, which we dare say judging + from the liberal hospitality, or, in this instance + hoss-pitality, of the Fishmongering Corporation, scarcely + required improvement, to inform His Grace of BEAUFORT and other + noble sportsmen that he too was a hunting man, and that Lord + Mayors of London ought as a rule to he hunting men if they + would keep up the ancient traditions of their office. Why + doesn't his sporting and equestrian Lordship revive the "Lord + Mayor's Hounds" of the time of GEORGE THE FIRST? The meet might + be in Leadenhall Market, or in a still meater place, + Smithfield, and a bag fox being turned out, they might, on a + good scenting day, have a fine burst of a good forty minutes, + taking Houndsditch in their stride away across Goodman's Fields + then away across Bethnal Green, tally-hoing down Cambridge + Road, and then with a merry burst, into Commercial Road East, + gaily along Radcliff Highway, and running into sly Reynard in + Limehouse Basin. Stepney! Yoicks! On hunting days there would + be a placard on the Mansion House door with the words, "Gone + Away!" And of course there would be a list of the meets + appended to all the usual notices. Let the present Lord MAYOR + start this, and his Mayoralty will indeed be a memorable + one.</p> + <hr /> + + <h2>THE HYPNOTISED LOBSTER.</h2> + + <blockquote> + <p>[Mr. ERNEST HART said, in a recent Lecture, that snakes, + frogs, and lobsters could be hypnotised like human + beings.]</p> + </blockquote> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>'Tis the voice of the Lobster, I hear him + complain,</p> + + <p>That hypnotic suggestion is on me again;</p> + + <p>I was mesmerised once and behold, since that + time,</p> + + <p>I have yielded myself to suggestions of crime:</p> + + <p>I have compassed the death of an innocent "dab,"</p> + + <p>And attempted to poison an elderly crab.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>You'll not wonder my tricks give my relatives + shocks,</p> + + <p>And they're holding a meeting just now in the + rocks</p> + + <p>To decide whether I, who was once quite a saint,</p> + + <p>Should be put, as the doctors say, under + restraint.</p> + + <p>I intend to go there in the midst of a trance.</p> + + <p>And, may I be boiled, but I'll lead them a + dance!</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>It's a terrible thing, when to virtue inclined.</p> + + <p>That some vile Mesmeriser debauches your mind;</p> + + <p>When awake I recoil from the things that I've + done,</p> + + <p>Such as scrunching the poor little mussels for + fun.</p> + + <p>In these fetters hypnotic a foe holds me fast,</p> + + <p>And you'll find that they'll hang me, in seaweed, at + last.</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + + <h2>WELCOME, LITTLE STRANGER!</h2> + + <div class="figleft" + style="width:30%;"> + <a href="images/289-4.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/289-4.png" + alt="" /></a> + </div> + + <p>Last Friday there appeared a startling paragraph, announcing + the first appearance of a New Island. Appropriately, it was on + the face of <i>The Globe</i>. The intelligence came to us + <i>viâ</i> Marseilles. Did it come up to the surface ready + furnished for occupation, as in our second National Anthem + about "Britons never being slaves" Britain is described as + doing? The quotation is:—"When Britain first at Heaven's + command, Arose from out the azure main," (or words to that + effect), She (the Island) came up with a ready-made charter, + and was open to be taken furnished. If this is the case, with + the new Island, the sooner some parties "who won't be missed" + pack off, bag and baggage, and take possession of the property, + the better. It's a chance. "Island to Let. Ready furnished. + Quite ready for occupation when thoroughly dry. No Agents need + apply. Ground-Swell Landlord, Neptune, C. district."</p> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page290" + id="page290"></a>[pg 290]</span> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:100%;"> + <a href="images/290.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/290.png" + alt="THE PASSIONATE SHEPHERD TO HIS LOVE." /></a> + + <h3>THE PASSIONATE SHEPHERD TO HIS LOVE.</h3> + </div> + + <h4>(<i>Modern Political Version, a long way after + Marlowe.</i>)]</h4> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>"COME LIVE WITH ME, AND BE <i>MY</i> LOVE</p> + + <p>AND WE WILL ALL THE PLEASURES PROVE</p> + + <p>THAT LAND REFORM, ALLOTTED FIELD,</p> + + <p>AND VILLAGE COUNCILS SOON MUST YIELD."</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>And thou shalt sit at ease, and mock</p> + + <p>The Tory Shepherds of the flock,</p> + + <p>The Squire and Parson, o'er whose fall</p> + + <p>The Primrose Dames already squall.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>And I will give thee cots most cosy,</p> + + <p>Of structure sound and aspect rosy;</p> + + <p>True homes, salubrious if not garish,</p> + + <p>And proper influence in the parish.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>One-Man-one-Vote, the Ballot, School,</p> + + <p>And rating on a fairer rule;</p> + + <p>A Charity less harsh and cold</p> + + <p>To warm thine heart when thou grow'st old.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>A chance upon the land to dwell,</p> + + <p>Free, independent, faring well;</p> + + <p>And if these pleasures may thee move,</p> + + <p>Come live with me, and be <i>my</i> love!</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Though Tory Swains thy vote may crave</p> + + <p>To keep thee still the Landlord's slave,</p> + + <p>If freedom's joys thy mind may move,</p> + + <p>Come live with <i>me</i> and be <i>my</i> love!</p> + </div> + </div> + + <h4>THE NYMPH'S REPLY.</h4> + + <center> + (<i>Some way after Sir Walter Raleigh.</i>) + </center> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>If I were sure 'twere sooth thou'st sung,</p> + + <p>That truth were on thy silvery tongue;</p> + + <p>These pleasures must my passion move</p> + + <p>To live with thee and be thy love.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>But art <i>thou</i> sure the Allotted Field</p> + + <p>A present paradise will yield,</p> + + <p>Making a lady of a thrall,</p> + + <p>As dreamed at the Memorial Hall?</p> + </div> + </div><span class="pagenum"><a name="page291" + id="page291"></a>[pg 291]</span> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Thy Village Council, Cottage cosy,</p> + + <p>Present in sooth a prospect rosy,</p> + + <p>But promises so oft are rotten;</p> + + <p>I've oft been wooed—and oft forgotten!</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Free vote, fair rating, open school,</p> + + <p>Good wage, intelligent self-rule,—</p> + + <p>These are enticements me would move</p> + + <p>To live with thee and be thy love.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>If thy zeal last, if love, indeed,</p> + + <p>Fire thee my hapless lot to heed;</p> + + <p>Then such delights my mind shall move</p> + + <p>To live with thee and be thy love.</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + + <p>A LOST OPPORTUNITY.—During a recent <i>cause + célèbre</i> in the Divorce Court the petitioner was asked by + Sir CHARLES RUSSELL, Q.C., M.P., P.T.P.C., "Did he do + anything?" to which the reply was, "He took up a salt-cellar + and threw the contents in my face." Mr. FRANK LOCKWOOD, Q.C., + M.P., V.P.T.P.C. has been lamenting ever since that he could + not have appeared as <i>amicus curiæ</i> to point out that this + testimony, until flatly contradicted, "must be taken as + <i>primâ facie</i> evidence of <i>a salting her</i>."</p> + <hr /> + + <h3>CHRISTMAS NUMBERS.</h3> + + <h4><i>After a Very Old Nursery Model.</i></h4> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p class="i2">One, two, crimson and blue;</p> + + <p class="i2">Two, three, treaclyness free;</p> + + <p class="i2">Three, four, gilding galore;</p> + + <p class="i2">Four, five, bogies alive;</p> + + <p class="i2">Five, six, spectres from Styx;</p> + + <p class="i2">Six, seven, angels from heaven;</p> + + <p class="i2">Seven, eight, big "extra plate";</p> + + <p class="i2">Eight, nine, wassail and wine;</p> + + <p class="i2">Nine, ten, pencil and pen;</p> + + <p class="i2">Ten, eleven, commercial leaven;</p> + + <p class="i2">Eleven, twelve, "high-art" shelve;</p> + + <p>Thirteen, fourteen, pictures of sporting;</p> + + <p>Fifteen, sixteen, ghost-stories, fixt een;</p> + + <p>Seventeen, eighteen, advertisements great in;</p> + + <p>Nineteen, twenty, profit in plenty!</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:70%;"> + <a href="images/291.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/291.png" + alt="'WHEN A MAN DOES NOT LOOK HIS BEST.'—No. 5." /> + </a> + + <h3>"WHEN A MAN DOES NOT LOOK HIS BEST."—No. + 5.</h3>WHEN, AFTER LUNCHING SUMPTUOUSLY AT A STRANGE HOTEL + IN A STRANGE PART OF THE COUNTRY, IT SUDDENLY OCCURS TO HIM + THAT HE HAS LEFT HIS PURSE, WITH ALL HIS MONEY IN IT, IN + THE MAIL TRAIN GOING NORTH. + </div> + <hr /> + + <h2>ILLEGAL FICTIONS.</h2> + + <blockquote> + <p>SCENE—<i>Interior of a Publisher's Office, shortly + after the trial of Pinnock</i> v. <i>Chapman and + Hall</i>.</p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>Publisher</i>. We have given our best attention to your + Manuscript of a three-volumed novel, called—let me see, + what did you call it? Oh, yes, here it is!—called, + <i>Haunted by Sixteen Goblins</i>, and we are afraid it won't + do.</p> + + <p><i>Literary Aspirant</i> (<i>pained</i>). Won't + <i>do</i>!</p> + + <p><i>Pub.</i> (<i>calmly</i>). No. Won't do a bit—at + least, not in its present form. You see, you introduce a Pirate + Chief, named Captain WILDFIRE, who lives at Singapore, and who + murders the mate, the steward, five seamen, and all the + Passengers of the <i>Jolly Seamew</i>, the vessel that he + commands, and appropriates five million dollars belonging to + his employers, the vessel's owners.</p> + + <p><i>Lit. Asp.</i> Quite so. I thought those incidents would + be rather exciting. They're so new. Do you object to the + murders, or what?</p> + + <p><i>Pub.</i> Oh, dear no! But now this name, Captain + WILDFIRE. (<i>Suspiciously.</i>) Are you sure there is nobody + whose name is at all like it, and who also resides at + Singapore?</p> + + <p><i>Lit. Asp.</i> I took the name quite by chance. I've never + been near Singapore in my life.</p> + + <p><i>Pub.</i> (<i>relieved</i>). Glad to hear it. One has to + be so careful nowadays. Here's an Army List—let us see if + anybody called WILDFIRE figures in it. Ha! What's this! "Major + WILDMAN, 217th Hussars." (<i>Gazes at</i> Lit. Aspirant + <i>sternly.</i>) Is your Captain WILDFIRE intended as a + caricature of Major WILDMAN, Sir, or is it not?</p> + + <p><i>Lit. Asp.</i> (<i>astonished</i>). Why, of course not! I + never heard of the man.</p> + + <p><i>Pub.</i> Very likely not. <i>We</i> should hear of him + precious soon if we published your novel as it stands.</p> + + <p><i>Lit. Asp.</i> But what reason is there to suppose this + Major WILDMAN has ever been to Singapore? And how can a captain + of a merchantship like the <i>Jolly Seamew</i> be confused with + a Major in the Army who has never commanded a vessel in his + life?</p> + + <p><i>Pub.</i> (<i>doggedly</i>). All very well; but the name + must come out. Then I don't like this description of the Ninth + Goblin at all. Where is it? Oh, here! (<i>Reads.</i>) "Even the + cerements of the tomb enveloping the form of the Ninth Goblin + could not hide—nay, seemed rather to bring prominently + forward—the malignant expression of the one-eyed face, + with its crop of red whiskers, beetle brows, and low receding + forehead."</p> + + <p><i>Lit. Asp.</i> What's wrong with <i>that</i>?</p> + + <p><i>Pub.</i> Wrong! Everything's wrong! There are lots of + people about with red whiskers and low receding foreheads, and + they'll all bring actions of libel.</p> + + <p><i>Lit. Asp.</i> But <i>my</i> Goblin has only one eye.</p> + + <p><i>Pub.</i> Well, so may they. They're equal to taking one + eye out and putting it back when the trial's over, if they + thought it'd help them to get money out of <i>us</i>. There may + be a fellow called Mr. GOBLIN somewhere, too. Oh, no; it won't + do at all. All the chapters with the Ninth Goblin in must come + out.</p> + + <p><i>Lit. Asp.</i> (<i>aghast</i>). But that would spoil the + book—it would mean leaving out half of it.</p> + + <p><i>Pub.</i> Yes, it would reduce the bulk, no doubt. In any + case we could not produce it in a three-volume form. But we are + bringing out a series of cheap fictions, and we might include + yours.</p> + + <p><i>Lit. Asp.</i> (<i>making the best of things</i>). Well, + <i>some</i> good books have appeared in a shilling form.</p> + + <p><i>Pub.</i> Yes. But it's not a shilling form we should + propose. The fact is, that there is a great run on Penny + Novelettes just now, and—</p> + + <p><i>Lit. Asp.</i> (<i>rising</i>). And you dare to propose + bringing out the <i>Sixteen Goblins</i> as a Penny + Novelette!</p> + + <p><i>Pub.</i> Certainly, and in view of the risk of actions + for libel, you would have to pay the printing-bill, and give us + a contract of indemnity in case your <i>Captain Wildfire</i> + did turn out to be identical with some retired pirate who feels + himself hurt at your description. You don't think much of the + proposal? Well, nor do we of the book, to tell you the truth. + Ta, ta!</p> + + <blockquote> + <p>[<i>Disappears into inner room</i>. Literary Aspirant + <i>slowly folds up his novel, and exit.</i></p> + </blockquote> + <hr /> + + <p>MOTTO FOR THE DIVORCE COURT.—Marry, and come up!</p> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page292" + id="page292"></a>[pg 292]</span> + + <h2>THE TRAVELLING COMPANIONS.</h2> + + <h3>No. XIX.</h3> + + <blockquote> + <p>SCENE—<i>The Tombs of the</i> SCALIGERS <i>at + Verona. A seedy and voluble</i> Cicerone, <i>who has + insisted upon volunteering his services, is + accompanying</i> Miss TROTTER, BOB PRENDERGAST, <i>and</i> + CULCHARD. <i>It is a warm afternoon, and</i> CULCHARD, + <i>who has been intrusted with</i> Miss T.'s <i>recent + purchases—two Italian blankets, and a huge pot of + hammered copper—is not in the most amiable of + moods.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>The Cicerone</i> (<i>in polyglot</i>). Ecco, Signore + (<i>pointing out the interlaced ladders in the wrought-iron + railings</i>), l'échelle, la scala, c'est tout + flexible—(<i>He shakes the trellis</i>)—molto, + molto curioso!</p> + + <p><i>Culch.</i> (<i>bitterly, to the other two</i>). I + <i>warned</i> you how it would be! We shall have this sort of + thing all the afternoon <i>now</i>!</p> + + <p><i>Miss T.</i> Well, I don't mind; he's real polite and + obliging—and that's something, anyway!</p> + + <div class="figright" + style="width:35%;"> + <a href="images/292.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/292.png" + alt="'Bellissimo scultore!'" /></a>"Bellissimo + scultore!" + </div> + + <p><i>Culch.</i> Polite and obliging! Now I <i>ask</i> + you—has he given us the slightest atom of valuable + information <i>yet</i>?</p> + + <p><i>Miss T.</i> I guess he's too full of tact to wish to + interfere with your special department!</p> + + <p><i>The Cic.</i> (<i>to</i> CULCHARD, <i>who looks another + way</i>). Ici le tombeau di GIOVANNI DELLA SCALA, Signore. + Verri grazioso molto magnifique, joli conservé! (<i>He skins up + on the pedestal, and touches a sarcophagus</i>.) Non + bronzo—verde-antique!</p> + + <blockquote> + <p>[<i>Nods at</i> CULCHARD, <i>with a beaming + smile.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>Culch.</i> (<i>with a growl</i>). Va bene, va + bene—<i>we</i> know all about it!</p> + + <p><i>Bob P. You</i> may; but you might give Miss TROTTER and + me a chance, you know!</p> + + <p><i>The Cic.</i> Zees, Marmor di Carrara; <i>zat</i>, Marmor + di Verona—Verona marbre. MARTINO PRIMO a fait bàtir. + (<i>Counting on his fingers for</i> CULCHARD's <i>benefit.</i>) + Quattuor dichièmé secolo—<i>fotteen</i>!</p> + + <p><i>Culch.</i> Will you kindly understand that I am quite + capable of estimating the precise period of this sculpture for + myself.</p> + + <p><i>The Cic.</i> Si-si, Signore. Scultore BONINO DA + CAMPIGLIONE. (<i>With a wriggle of deferential enthusiasm.</i>) + Bellissimo scultore!</p> + + <p><i>Miss T.</i> He's got an idea you find him vurry + instructive, Mr. CULCHARD, and I guess, if you want to disabuse + him, you'd better do it in Italian.</p> + + <p><i>Culch.</i> I think my Italian is equal to conveying an + impression that I can willingly dispense with his society. + (<i>To the</i> Cic.) Andate via—do you understand? + An-da-te <i>via</i>!</p> + + <p><i>The Cic.</i> (<i>hurt, and surprised</i>). Ah, + Signore!</p> + + <blockquote> + <p>[<i>He breaks into a fervent vindication of his value as + guide, philosopher, and friend.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>Miss T.</i> I guess he's endeavouring to intimate that + his wounded self-respect isn't going to be healed under haff a + dollar. And every red cent I had went on that old pot! Mr. + CULCHARD, will you give him a couple of francs for me?</p> + + <p><i>Culch.</i> I—er—really see no necessity. He's + done nothing whatever to deserve it!</p> + + <p><i>Bob P.</i> (<i>eagerly</i>). May <i>I</i>. Miss TROTTER? + (<i>Producing a ten-lire note</i>.) This is the smallest change + I've got.</p> + + <p><i>Miss T.</i> No. I guess ten francs would start him with + more self-respect than he's got any use for. Mr. CULCHARD will + give him three—that's one apiece—to punish him for + being so real mean!</p> + + <p><i>Culch.</i> (<i>indignantly</i>). Mean? because I—! + (<i>He pays and dismisses the Cic.</i>) Now we can examine + these monuments in peace—they are + really—er—unique examples of the sepulchral pomp of + Italian mediævalism.</p> + + <p><i>Miss T.</i> They're handsome tombs enough—but + considerable cramped. I should have thought these old + Scallywags would have looked around for a roomier burying lot. + (<i>To</i> CULCHARD, <i>who shivers</i>.) You aren't feeling + sick any?</p> + + <p><i>Culch.</i> No—only pained by such a travesty of a + noble name. "Scallywags" for SCALIGERS seems to me, if I may + say so, a very cheap form of humour!</p> + + <p><i>Miss T.</i> Well, it's more than cheap—it isn't + going to cost you a cent, so I should think you'd appreciate + it!</p> + + <p><i>Bob P.</i> Haw—score for <i>you</i>, Miss + TROTTER!</p> + + <p><i>Culch.</i> I should have thought myself that mere + personality is hardly enough to give point to any + repartee—there is a slight difference between brilliancy + and—er—<i>brutality</i>!</p> + + <p><i>Bob P.</i> Hullo! You and I are being sat upon pretty + heavily, Miss TROTTER.</p> + + <p><i>Miss T.</i> I guess our Schoolmaster's abroad. But why + Mr. CULCHARD should want to make himself a train out of my + coverlets, I don't just see—he looks majestic enough + without that.</p> + + <blockquote> + <p>[CULCHARD <i>catches up a blanket which is trailing, and + says bad words under his breath.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <h4><i>At the Tomb of Juliet.</i></h4> + + <p><i>Culch.</i> (<i>who is gradually recovering his + equanimity</i>). Think of it! the actual spot on which + <i>Romeo</i> and <i>Juliet</i>—SHAKSPEARE's + <i>Juliet</i>—drew their last breath! Does it not realise + the tragedy for you?</p> + + <p><i>Miss T.</i> Well, no—it's a disappointing tomb. I + reckoned it would look less like a horse-trough. I should have + expected <i>Juliet's</i> Poppa and Momma would want, + considering all the facts of the case, to throw more style into + her monument!</p> + + <p><i>Culch.</i> (<i>languidly</i>). May not its very + simplicity—er—attest the sincerity of their + remorse?</p> + + <p><i>Miss T.</i> Do you attach any particular meaning to that + observation now? (CULCHARD <i>bites his lip.</i>) I notice this + tomb is full of visiting cards—my! but ain't that + curious?</p> + + <p><i>Culch.</i> (<i>instructively</i>). It only shows that + this place is not without its pathos and interest for + <i>most</i> visitors, no matter what their nationality may be. + You don't feel inclined yourself to—?</p> + + <p><i>Miss T.</i> To leave a pasteboard? Why I shouldn't sleep + any all night, for fear she'd return my call!</p> + + <p><i>Culch.</i> (<i>producing a note-book</i>). It's fanciful, + perhaps but, if you don't mind waiting a little, I should like + to contribute—not my card, but a sonnet. I feel one on + its way.</p> + + <p><i>Bob P.</i> Better make sure the tomb's <i>genuine</i> + first, hadn't you? Some say it <i>isn't</i>.</p> + + <p><i>Culch.</i> (<i>exasperated</i>). I <i>knew</i> you'd make + some matter-of-fact remark of that kind! There—it's no + use! Let us go.</p> + + <p><i>Miss T.</i> Why, your sonnets seem as skeery as those + lizards there! I hope JULIET won't ever know what she's missed. + But likely you'll mail those verses on to her later.</p> + + <blockquote> + <p>[<i>She and</i> BOB P. <i>pass on, laughing.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>Culch.</i> (<i>following</i>). She only affects this + vulgar flippancy to torment me. If I didn't know + <i>that</i>—There, I've left that infernal pot behind + now!</p> + + <blockquote> + <p>[<i>Goes back for it, wrathfully.</i></p> + + <p><i>In the Amphitheatre</i>; Miss PRENDERGAST, PODBURY, + <i>and</i> VAN BOODELER, <i>are seated on an upper + tier.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>Podb.</i> (<i>meditatively</i>). I suppose they charged + highest for the lowest seats. Wonder whether a lion ever nipped + up and helped himself to some fat old buffer in the Stalls when + the martyrs turned out a leaner lot than usual!</p> + + <p><i>Van. B.</i> There's an ingenuous modernity about our + friend's historical speculations that is highly refreshing.</p> + + <p><i>Miss P.</i> There is, indeed—though he might have + spared himself and <i>us</i> the trouble of them if he had only + remembered that the <i>podium</i> was invariably protected by a + railing, and occasionally by <i>euripi</i>, or trenches. You + surely learnt that at school. Mr. PODBURY?</p> + + <p><i>Podb.</i> I—I daresay. Forgotten all I learnt at + school, you know!</p> + + <p><i>Van. B.</i> I should infer now, from that statement, that + you enjoyed the advantages of a pretty liberal education?</p> + + <p><i>Podb.</i> If that's meant to be cutting. I should save it + up for that novel of yours; it may seem + smart—<i>there</i>!</p> + + <p><i>Miss P.</i> Really, Mr. PODBURY, if you choose to resent + a playful remark in that manner, you had better go away.</p> + + <p><i>Podb.</i> Perhaps I had. (<i>Rises, and moves off + huffily</i>). D—— his playfulness! 'Pon my word, + poor old CULCHARD was <i>nothing</i> to that beggar! And she + backs him up! But there—it's all part of my probation! + (<i>Here</i> CULCHARD <i>suddenly appears, laden with + burdens.</i>) Hullo! are you <i>moving</i>, or what?</p> + + <p><i>Culch.</i> I am merely carrying a few things for Miss + TROTTER. (<i>Drops the copper pot, which bounds down into the + arena.</i>) Dash the thing!... (<i>Returning with it</i>.) It's + natural that, in my position, I should have + these—er—privileges. (<i>He trips over a + blanket.</i>) Conf—Have you happened to see Miss TROTTER + about, by the way?</p> + + <p><i>Podb.</i> Fancy I saw her down below just now—with + BOB. I expect they're walking round under the + arches.</p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page293" + id="page293"></a>[pg 293]</span> + + <p><i>Culch.</i> Just so. Do you know, PODBURY, I almost think + I'll go down and find her. I—I'm curious to hear what her + impressions of a place like this are. Such a scene, you + know,—so full of associations with—er—the + splendours and cruelties of a corrupt past—must produce a + powerful effect upon the fresh untutored mind of an American + girl, eh?</p> + + <p><i>Miss T.'s voice</i> (<i>distinctly from arena</i>). I'd + like ever so much to see Buffalo BILL run his Show in + here—he'd just make this old circus hum!</p> + + <p><i>Miss P.'s voice</i> (<i>indistinctly from topmost + tier</i>). Almost fancy it all.... + Senators—<i>equites—populus—pullati</i>... + yellow sunlight striking down through <i>vellarium</i> ... + crimsoned sand ... <i>mirmillo</i> fleeing before + <i>secutor</i> ... DIOCLETIAN himself, perhaps, lolling over + there on <i>cubiculum</i> ... &c., &c., &c.</p> + + <p><i>Culch.</i> The place appears to excite Miss PRENDERGAST's + enthusiasm, at all events! [<i>Sighs.</i></p> + + <p><i>Podb.</i> Rath-er! But then she's no end of a classical + swell, you know! [<i>Sighs.</i></p> + + <p><i>Culch.</i> (<i>putting his arm through</i> PODBURY's.) + Ah, well, my dear PODBURY, one mustn't expect too much, must + one?)</p> + + <p><i>Podb.</i> I <i>don't</i>, old chap—only I'm afraid + <i>she</i> does. Suppose we toddle back to the hotel, eh? + Getting near <i>table d'hôte</i> time.</p> + + <blockquote> + <p>[<i>They go out arm-in-arm.</i></p> + </blockquote> + <hr /> + + <h2>'ARRY IN ROME AND LONDON.</h2> + + <p>A kind Correspondent calls <i>Mr. Punch's</i> attention to + the fact that 'ARRY the Ubiquitous crops up even in the + Classics, as ARRIUS, in fact, in <i>Carmen</i> lxxxiv. of + CATULLUS. How proud 'ARRY will be to hear of his classical + prototype! Our Correspondent "dropping into verse," + exclaims:—</p> + + <div class="figright" + style="width:25%;"> + <a href="images/293-1.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/293-1.png" + alt="'Arry the Classic in his Swell Toga-ry" /> + </a>'Arry the Classic in his Swell Toga-ry + </div> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Yes! Your Cockney is eternal;</p> + + <p class="i2">ARRIUS speaks in 'ARRY still:</p> + + <p>Vaunts 'is "hincome" by paternal</p> + + <p class="i2">"Hartful" tricks hup 'Olborn 'Ill.</p> + </div> + </div> + + <p>How well he is justified may be seen by a glance at the text + of CATULLUS:—</p> + + <h4>DE ARRIO.</h4> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>"C<i>h</i>ommoda" dicebat, si quando commoda + vellet</p> + + <p class="i2">Dicere, et "<i>h</i>insidias" ARRIUS + insidias:</p> + + <p>Et tum miritice sperabat se esse locutum.</p> + + <p class="i2">Cum, quantum poterat, dixerat + "<i>h</i>insidias."</p> + + <p>Credo, sic mater, sic Liber avunculus ejus,</p> + + <p class="i2">Sic maternus avus dixerit, atque + avia.</p> + + <p class="i10">CATULLUS, <i>Carmen</i> lxxxiv.</p> + </div> + </div> + + <p>Which—for the benefit of 'ARRY himself, who is not + perhaps familiar with the "Lingo Roruano"—though he may + know something of a "Romano" dear to certain young sportsmen, + though not dearer to them than other caterers,—may thus + be <i>very</i> freely adapted:—</p> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>'ARRY to <i>H</i>oxford gives the aspirate still</p> + + <p>He cruelly denies to 'Ighgate 'Ill;</p> + + <p>Yet deems in diction he can ape the "Swell,"</p> + + <p>And "git the 'ang of it" exceeding well.</p> + + <p>Doubtless his sire, the 'atter, and his mother,</p> + + <p>The hupper 'ousemaid, so addressed each other;</p> + + <p>For spite of all that wrangling Board Schools + teach,</p> + + <p>There seems heredity in Cockney speech.</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + + <p>FREDERICK THE GREAT AT BURLINGTON HOUSE.—"Bravo, Sir + President of the Royal Academy!" says <i>Mr. Punch</i>, + U.P.B.B., enthusiastically; "a splendid lecture, Sir, that of + yours last Thursday, given to the architectural and other + Academical students. who, acting upon your advice, should be + each one the architect of his own fortune. Your sharply + dashed-off portrait of The Grand Monarque, the 'Roi Soleil, + majestic in the many-storey'd wig,'—the King being built + up quite mon-architecturally,—'which encircled his + retreating brow,' was masterly. More power to your elbow, Sir + FREDERICK—that is, if you require it. <i>Mr. Punch</i>, + Universal President of Brother Brushes, fraternally and + cordially salutes you."</p> + <hr /> + + <p>LATEST IN MASSAGE.—Our friend, Mrs. RAM, says she will + not be "sham pooh'd;" she will be either really pooh'd, or not + pooh'd at all.</p> + <hr /> + + <h2>"THE BIG BIG D." ENCORED.</h2> + + <div class="figleft" + style="width:20%;"> + <a href="images/293-2.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/293-2.png" + alt="" /></a> + </div> + + <p>MR. W.S. GILBERT ought to have been engaged as Counsel in + the <i>Duplany</i> v. <i>Duplany</i> divorce case, when, + attired in his wig, gown, and hands—ARTHUR SULLIVAN's + full hands of course—he could have put the question which + Mr. GILL had to make a pint of putting, <i>i.e.</i>, as to the + occasional use of strong language. Set librettically, + "<i>Firenza la bella</i>" would have answered in her sweetest + strain and with her most bewitching Florentine manner, "I never + use a big big D." To her the Counsel, not Mr. GILL but Mr. + GIL-BERT, would have retorted musically, "What + '<i>never</i>'?'" To him the fair Witness, replying on + consideration, "Well,—hardly ever!" Then the chorus, led + by the Judge, Sir FRANCIS JEUNE, and joined in by all the + Jeuniors of his Court, would have wound up this portion of the + proceedings, if not harmoniously, at least tunefully. For + future reference, it would be known as "the Big Big D-ivorce + Case." How such occasional musical outbursts would lighten the + labours of the Court through many a tedious case! And in a + <i>cause un peu célèbre</i> like this, where there is a crammed + house and enthusiastic audience ready to take every point, and + risk possible expulsion rather than remain quiet, what a relief + such a burst of song would be to everybody's pent-up feelings + and bottled-up excitement. The comedy is all very well, but the + finale is tragic, the last scene of all being from the + historical subject with modern application representing "MARIUS + seated among the ruins" of what might have been a happy + domestic life.</p> + <hr /> + + <h2>A PANNICK IN GILDHALL!</h2> + + <p>We've jist bin and had sitch a Pannick in the City as we + ain't not had since the prowd and orty Portogeese threttened to + stop any more old Port from leaving of their shores, unless we + guv 'em up ever so much of the hinside of Afrikey. Ah, that was + a pannick that was, and all us Waiters felt it severially, but + her Majesty's Guvernment, seeing at wunce the sollem natur of + the threat, made such terrems as settled the hole affair, and + Port went down as ushal.</p> + + <div class="figleft" + style="width:15%;"> + <a href="images/293-3.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/293-3.png" + alt="Robert." /></a> + </div> + + <p>Well that was bad enuff in all conshense, but it was nothink + to what we has all bin threttened with, from the Lord MARE on + his throne of power to the umblest waiter of his royal + estaberlishmunt. I herd ony last week from the Gildall Beedle, + so it must be trew, that ever so many of what's called + Comishunners of Suers had cum a tearing down stairs from their + place up above, a cussin and a swearin like mad, becoz the + Kumpany as was a jest beginnin for to lite up our streets with + Lectrissity. had writtin for to say as they coodn't get it dun + for more nor another year. Well that was bad enutf for them as + likes that tell-tail lite, "but wuss remanes behind," as the + Pote says; and I reelly ardly xpecs to be beleeved when I says, + as they threttened not to lite up the onered Manshun Ouse to + the werry last! and as the gas has all a bin taken away, there + wooden have been not no lites, and consequently not no Dinner + in that grand Ome of Horspitallerty, not for twelve long weary + hungry munse!</p> + + <p>The shudder as run thro Gildhall when this was fust + menshund, the Beedel tells me, was sumthink quite orful, and + the langwidge used, ewen by anshant Deppertys, sumthink not to + remember, but sumthink to forget as soon as posserbel.</p> + + <p>However, a gentle reminder from them as could do what they + threttind, whether it was six months' hard, or suppenshun from + wun of their own tall, red lamp postesses, brort them all to + their sewen senses, and everythink is to be reddy for the fust + State Bankwet at the reglar hour on the reglar day; and so the + dedly wroth of the grand old Copperashun is apeezed, and there + is no longer enny tork of a mighty band of hindignent Welshers + a marching up to Town to awenge the dedly hinsult with which + their poplar Monnark was threttined!</p> + + <p>Wun of our werry cleverest Depputys said to me.—"Ah, + Mr. ROBERT, if our ennemys had reelly xtinguished all our + light, I shoud indeed have said, with the Pote, <i>Habsent + Homen!</i>"</p> + + <p>I didn't kno a bit what he meant, but I rayther think it + were sumthink seesonnabel about Ome sweet Ome, or about the + likker "habsinth," wich I don't hold with. But I quite agreed + with him.</p> + + <p class="author">ROBERT.</p> + <hr /> + + <p>A ROYAL "HAPPY THOUGHT" IN DECEMBER.—The Promise of + MAY.</p> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page294" + id="page294"></a>[pg 294]</span> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:70%;"> + <a href="images/294.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/294.png" + alt="'SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE,' &c." /></a> + + <h2>"SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE," &c.</h2> + + <p><i>Ethel</i>. "MUMMY DEAR, WHY DID YOU TELL RICHARD YOU + 'WEREN'T AT HOME' JUST NOW?" (<i>Pause.</i>) "MUMMY, I + MEAN—"</p> + + <p><i>Mamma</i>. "WHEN SIR FUSBY DODDERIDGE CALLED? WHY, + ETHEL DEAR, BECAUSE HE BORES ME."</p> + + <p><i>Ethel</i>. "OH!" (<i>After thoughtfully considering + the matter with regard to her Governess</i>.) "THEN MAY I + SAY I'M NOT AT HOME WHEN MISS KRUX CALLS TO-MORROW? FOR + <i>SHE</i> BORES <i>ME</i> AWFULLY?"</p> + </div> + <hr /> + + <h2>"ENGLAND, HOME, AND BEAUTY!"</h2> + + <blockquote class="note"> + <p>["I am quite proud to think that my son marries one who + was born in this country, has been educated in this + country, and has the feelings of an + Englishwoman."—<i>H.R.H. the Prince of Wales at the + Civil Service Dinner</i>.]</p> + </blockquote> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>The Prince's word will strike a chord</p> + + <p class="i2">Of sympathy and pleasure</p> + + <p>In English hearts. Not from abroad</p> + + <p class="i2">Young CLARENCE brought his treasure.</p> + + <p>He finds his MAY in British mead;</p> + + <p class="i2">'Tis <i>Punch's</i> pleasant duty</p> + + <p>The old chorus once again to lead,</p> + + <p class="i2">"For England, Home, and Beauty!"</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>England!—the fair betrothed was born</p> + + <p class="i2">Within the seas that bind us;</p> + + <p>Home!—not from far court-precincts torn,</p> + + <p class="i2">This Princess comes to find us.</p> + + <p>Beauty!—well, look upon that face,</p> + + <p class="i2">Whilst PUNCHIUS Cupid hovers,</p> + + <p>With crowning wreath and genial grace,</p> + + <p class="i2">Above the Royal lovers.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Fair home-grown flower, bright English MAY,</p> + + <p class="i2">Whose promise cheers December,</p> + + <p>And who will make "wild March" so gay;</p> + + <p class="i2"><i>Punch</i> can right well remember.</p> + + <p>Betrothals many, bridals too,</p> + + <p class="i2">Your lover's sire's among them,</p> + + <p>And with a loyalty frank yet true</p> + + <p class="i2">Has generally sung them.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>And so for you he bath a stave,</p> + + <p class="i2">Latest of the bright bevy.</p> + + <p>On gentle hearts and spirits brave</p> + + <p class="i2">The toll of love you'll levy.</p> + + <p>We trust that fortune may prove fair,</p> + + <p class="i2">And life's long pathway rosy,</p> + + <p>And love attend the Royal pair,</p> + + <p class="i2">The young "<i>Promessi Sposi.</i>"</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>An English bridal it will be</p> + + <p class="i2">When March brings round the spring + time,</p> + + <p>And English hearts will hail with glee</p> + + <p class="i2">The coming of the ring-time.</p> + + <p><i>Punch</i>—like his Prince—is "proud + to think"</p> + + <p class="i2">It then will be his duty,</p> + + <p>Once more the fine old toast to drink—</p> + + <p class="i2">"For England, Home, and Beauty!"</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + + <h2>TWOPENCE PLAIN.—A PENNY COLOURED.</h2> + + <p>MR. PUNCH, HONOURED SIR,</p> + + <p>I have just received a copy of <i>The Almanack</i>, which, + if I may say so, is worthy of the approach to the close of "the + so-called Nineteenth Century." Not to go further into + particulars, I should say that "A Doll's Diary" will be hard to + beat in contemporary Christmas literature.</p> + + <p>It was, Sir, not with the intention of making this obvious + remark that I break in upon your reflections. My purpose was + moved by discovering on the front corner of this work of + Literature and Art the legend, "Price 6<i>d.</i>; <i>Inland + postage</i>, 2<i>d.</i>" Looking at the postal cover which + lightly bore the treasure o'er land and sea to this ancient + town, I discovered, that coming under the "foreign postage + rate," 1½<i>d.</i> had served the turn. Whence it appears, that + had I, as usual at this season of the year, been at my country + address, to be found in <i>Dod</i>, the <i>Almanack</i> would + have cost me, or someone else (it is beside the argument), + 2<i>d.</i> Whereas, being hundreds of miles away from the + placid pastures that surround The Kennel, Berks, the postage is + 25 per cent. less in amount. In one case, where the larger sum + and the less amount of labour were concerned, the English + Post-Office, taking all the money, charge 2<i>d.</i>; in the + other, calling in the assistance of Belgium and Germany, and of + course sharing with them the plunder, 1½<i>d.</i> is held to be + the fair recompense for the immensely extended labour. Isn't + this something in the way of reversal of the ordinary trade + axiom, as who should say "Twopence Plain; a Penny, + Coloured"?</p> + + <p>In its immediate application it is a small thing. People + privileged to receive <i>Punch's Almanack</i> through the post + will not quibble over a half-penny. But it is evident that a + system which embodies an arrangement that needs only to be + stated to have its absurdity demonstrated, wants looking + after.</p> + + <p>I beg to give my friend, the new Postmaster-General, notice + that, as soon as the House meets, I shall put a question on the + subject. In the meanwhile, and always I am, honoured Sir, your + obliged and obedient servant,</p> + + <p class="author">TOBY, M.P.</p> + + <p><i>Kaiserbad, Aachen, Monday</i>.</p> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page295" + id="page295"></a>[pg 295]</span> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:100%;"> + <a href="images/295.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/295.png" + alt="'ENGLAND, HOME, AND BEAUTY!'" /></a> + + <h3>"ENGLAND, HOME, AND BEAUTY!"</h3> + </div> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page297" + id="page297"></a>[pg 297]</span> + + <h2>POPULAR SONGS RE-SUNG.</h2> + + <p>Perhaps a version "up to date" (as the slang goes) of <i>Our + Village</i>, may interest the supporters of the Statesman Mr. + ACLAND, without annoying the admirers of the poet WAL PINK.</p> + + <h3>No. IV.—OUR VILLAGE.</h3> + + <h4>AIR—<i>"The Village on the 'Slow and Dirty' + Line."</i></h4> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>For centuries the Village was maintained, without + cessation,</p> + + <p class="i2">As "a Squire and Parson's paddock," just + to keep poor yokels down,</p> + + <p>But all that is to be altered, at the Radical's + instigation,</p> + + <p class="i2">We're settling on a village which shall + have the charms of town.</p> + + <p>It's shaped on Democratic lines, it is <i>in + nubibus</i> yet,</p> + + <p class="i2">But when Reform's set going, it's a horse + that does not stop.</p> + + <p>The House o' Commons has pronounced, and though old + Tories fuss, yet</p> + + <p class="i2">All understand the tyrant has the tip to + shut up shop.</p> + </div> + </div> + + <div class="figright" + style="width:33%;"> + <a href="images/297.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/297.png" + alt="" /></a> + </div> + + <h4><i>Chorus.</i></h4> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p class="i2">In the Village, new Village, a healthy + little spot,</p> + + <p class="i2">The home of rural Hygiene, where nasty + smells are not,</p> + + <p class="i4">Where HODGE shan't be the thrall</p> + + <p class="i4">Of the Vicarage and the Hall,</p> + + <p class="i2">In the Village shaped on Democratic + lines!</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>There bobbing to their "betters" shall not be an + institution</p> + + <p class="i2">With the Jemmies and the Jessamies, as in + the good old day;</p> + + <p>There "Washhouses" shall civilise + chawbacons—by ablution,</p> + + <p class="i2">And Drink-shops shall not freely tithe + the ploughman's paltry pay.</p> + + <p>There shall be a Parish Council by the householders + elected,</p> + + <p class="i2">Who will snub "the Village tyrant" and + will cut the Parson's comb;</p> + + <p>And when once 'tis constituted such reform may be + expected</p> + + <p class="i2">That poor HODGE in all sincerity may sing + his "<i>Home, Sweet Home!</i>"</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p><i>Chorus</i>.—In the Village, new Village, + the sanitary spot,</p> + + <p class="i2">A small self-governed commune with full + powers to "allot,"</p> + + <p class="i4">A Free Library for all,</p> + + <p class="i4">And a handsome Meeting Hall,</p> + + <p class="i2">In the Village shaped on Democratic + lines!</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>There the Labourer shall not half-starve on + "swankey." and thin pottage,</p> + + <p class="i2">With a prospect of the Workhouse when no + longer he can work;</p> + + <p>But shall have a fragrant pigstye, and a sanitary + cottage,</p> + + <p class="i2">And a voice in local business which the + big-wigs cannot burke.</p> + + <p>The rural working-man shall superintend his + children's schooling,</p> + + <p class="i2">And control long ill-used "charities," + and champion "common rights,"</p> + + <p>And, in fact, there'll be an end to Squire's sole + sway and Parson's fooling,</p> + + <p class="i2">And the rustic's sole hope-beacon shall + no more be "London's Lights."</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p><i>Chorus</i>.—In the Village, new Village, + &c., &c.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>There the peasant politician with the Guardian shall + grapple,</p> + + <p class="i2">And keep up the rural standard, and keep + down the local rates;</p> + + <p>The haughty Church no longer there shall lord it + o'er the Chapel,</p> + + <p class="i2">And the Voluntary School shall find the + level it so hates.</p> + + <p>In short, with Local Government invested, the whole + Village</p> + + <p class="i2">Shall grow vigorous, and virtuous, and + prosperous, and proud,</p> + + <p>And free from Landlord pressure, and the Parson's + petty pillage,</p> + + <p class="i2">The peasants shall no longer to the slums + of London crowd.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p><i>Chorus</i>.—From the Village, new Village, + a happy little spot,</p> + + <p>A home of peace and plenty, where oppression may not + plot;</p> + + <p class="i4">Where there's room enough for all.</p> + + <p class="i4">And the "hind" is <i>not</i> a + "thrall,"</p> + + <p>In the Village shaped on Democratic lines!</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + + <h2>A SAFE NOVEL.</h2> + + <h4>(<i>With Interpolated Notes by Our Own Legal + Adviser.</i>)</h4> + + <h4>CHAPTER I.—THE LOVERS' PARTING.</h4> + + <p>The sun was setting behind the towers of the church of + Greenborough-on-the-Driblet.</p> + + <p>[It must be clearly and distinctly understood that this + village is not intended to refer to any parish with the word + "green" introduced in the title—all incumbents of such + livings being the most honourable and distinguished of + men.]</p> + + <p>Two persons were bidding one another adieu. The first was a + man in the prime of life wearing a suit of tweeds.</p> + + <p>[Please note that the name of the tailor is not given, and + it is not to be assumed for a single moment that this refers to + any individual in particular.]</p> + + <p>The girl, for she was only a girl, wore a costume of almost + puritanical simplicity.</p> + + <p>[Again no dressmaker is singled out for discussion. It is a + purely fancy portrait.]</p> + + <p>They were both in tears. For the hour had come for their + parting.</p> + + <p>[It is necessary to state that by "parting" no reference is + made to any existing firm of hair-dressers.]</p> + + <p>For a moment they were silent, watching Phoebus as he + descended in his glory of purple and gold.</p> + + <p>[This refers to the mythical God of Day, and is not to be + confounded with a member of a well-known firm of manufacturers + of blacking.]</p> + + <p>Then they spoke to one another.</p> + + <p>"ZOZIMUS," she murmured, softly, "and is this our last + meeting?"</p> + + <p>[The name of ZOZIMUS was selected for the hero because it is + an uncommon one, and consequently unlikely to be confounded + with any more frequently-used designation. If by an unlucky + chance there <i>is</i> a ZOZIMUS, he is assured that the + coincidence is purely accidental.]</p> + + <p>"I am afraid it must be so, my ZULUWOLFA," was the + heartbroken response.</p> + + <p>[Again the name has been chosen on the same lines as the + selection of ZOZIMUS, and the explanation above given may be + taken as having reference to both.]</p> + + <p>"And so you are going across the sea in a boat?" she + queried, trying to smile, in spite of her blinding tears.</p> + + <p>[No boat in particular is intended, and we have the author's + authority for saying that he has the greatest respect for every + official connected with the shipping interest.]</p> + + <p>"Yes," he returned, sadly, "it is my father's wish, and I + trust that in a new world I shall find greater prosperity than + I have been able to achieve in dear old England."</p> + + <p>[No reference is made in the above to any weekly + publications, although, perhaps the <i>World</i> and + <i>England</i> may have been taken as titles for Saturday + journals. Before passing this passage, we received the + assurance of the author that he felt the deepest esteem for the + Editors of the periodicals thus inadvertently mentioned.]</p> + + <p>"Well, my beloved, you will soon see me; and, dead or alive, + I shall be by your side in the spirit."</p> + + <p>[This passage is not intended to single out any particular + firm of distillers]</p> + + <p>"We shall meet again," he cried, pressing her frail form to + his breast. "Indeed we shall meet again."</p> + + <p>[It must not be assumed that there has been a misprint in + the above passage, and that reference is made to any particular + firm of butchers.]</p> + + <p>And so they parted!</p> + + <center> + (<i>To be continued in our next, after consultation with + our Solicitor.</i>) + </center> + <hr /> + + <p>WITHOUT THE COMPLIMENTS OF THE SEASON.—A few days + since the Justices of South Shields sentenced a vagrant verging + upon seventy years of age, to fourteen days imprisonment with + hard labour—a matter to which attention was called when + the Coroner held an inquest in the gaol on the poor old + fellow's body. It would be interesting to know the names of + these "un-worthies," so that they might be gibbeted as a + contrast to the sentiments that will prevail when Christmas + ushers in a time of peace and good-will!</p> + <hr /> + + <p>A STORY OF THE SEA (<i>told on the Beach at + Brighton</i>).—"Fine day for a sail, Sir!"</p> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page298" + id="page298"></a>[pg 298]</span> + + <h2>A PROMISING FOUR-YEAR-OLD.</h2> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:50%;"> + <a href="images/298-1.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/298-1.png" + alt="At the Meet he attracted no little attention." /> + </a>At the Meet he attracted no little attention. + </div> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:50%;"> + <a href="images/298-2.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/298-2.png" + alt="When Hounds went away, he quickly assumed a prominent position." /> + </a>When Hounds went away, he quickly assumed a prominent + position. + </div> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:50%;"> + <a href="images/298-3.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/298-3.png" + alt="Though his manner of taking Rails was rather risky," /> + </a>Though his manner of taking Rails was rather risky, + </div> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:50%;"> + <a href="images/298-4.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/298-4.png" + alt="Yet his Courage was undeniable." /></a>Yet his + Courage was undeniable. + </div> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:50%;"> + <a href="images/298-5.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/298-5.png" + alt="He proved excellent at Water," /></a>He proved + excellent at Water, + </div> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:50%;"> + <a href="images/298-6.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/298-6.png" + alt="And his method of taking the Fox from the Hounds was novel and entertaining." /> + </a>And his method of taking the Fox from the Hounds was + novel and entertaining. + </div> + <hr /> + + <h2>TOLD IN TAGS.</h2> + + <p>We have recently been favoured by a communication from a + firm of Publishers, which informs us that, in a story sent for + review, "by an oversight of the binder," the Epilogue was + omitted, and inclosing that interesting document. We have + perused the four pages with so much pleasure, that we suggest + that, instead of writing the whole story, novelists, in future, + should only publish the final chapter, which might be + beneficially compressed into a few lines. As a lead, we print a + few conclusions, to serve as models:—</p> + + <p><i>Specimen of a Happy Ending</i>.—And so there was + nothing more to do but to get married, and consequently EDWIN + led no happier bride to the altar than his much persecuted and + greatly tried ANGELINA. So the bells of Tinkleton rang out + their merriest chimes as the sun went down on the stately + towers of Castle Sympleton.</p> + + <p><i>Specimen of an Unhappy Ending</i>.—So, at peace + with all the world, still holding the hand she loved so well, + and smiling a smile that brought tears into the eyes of the + good old Colonial Bishop, FLORA faded away into the Golden + Dream she knew so well!</p> + + <p><i>Specimen of a Mysterious Ending</i>.—And so HUGH, + carrying a lamp in his right hand, and grasping the blade of + his sword in his left, entered the cave of which he had heard + so much. Will he ever return? Who can tell?</p> + + <p><i>Specimen of a Comic Ending</i>.—"So it was you, + after all!" cried the Cheesemonger, with a shout of + laughter.</p> + + <p>EGERTON SWELLINGTON smiled an assent.</p> + + <p>"Then all I can say," continued the worthy trader, "is, that + a miss is as good as a mile."</p> + + <p>And, for once in his life, Mr. DOUBLECHIN was absolutely + right!</p> + + <p><i>Specimen of the Poetical Ending</i>.—So with the + blue-bells sighing soft music, and the stars chanting their + soothing lullaby, the sweet soul of MARIA realised the truth + that—</p> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>'Tis better to have loved and lost,</p> + + <p>Than never to have loved at all.</p> + </div> + </div> + + <p><i>Specimen of the Shocker's Ending</i>.—And with a + gasp and a reel, Sir RALPH fell back, back, back, down the + precipice, and an hour later was found by the patrolling + coast-guardsman a quivering mass of senseless humanity!</p> + + <p><i>Specimen of the Christmas Ending</i>.—And so, + linked hand in hand, father and mother, son and daughter, + husband and wife, nephew and niece, bowed their heads beneath + the holly and mistletoe, and wished one another, with a + heartiness that told volumes, "A Merry Christmas and a Happy + New Year!"</p> + <hr /> + + <h3>QUERIES FOR CAMBRIDGE EXAM. PAPER.—</h3> + + <p>1. If the Vice-Chancellor's authority to punish immorality + within the bounds of the University town of Cambridge is to be + done away with, will he still retain the then quite superfluous + title of <i>Vice</i>-Chancellor?</p> + + <p>2. On the abolition of "The Spinning-House," as plucked + candidates are often spoken of as men who were "spun" for + such-and-such an examination, might not the Senate-House be + known as "The Spinning-House"?</p> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page299" + id="page299"></a>[pg 299]</span> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:100%;"> + <a href="images/299.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/299.png" + alt="A FEW ONE-POUND NOTES; OR, THE QUICK-CHANGE CHANCELLOR." /> + </a> + + <h3>A FEW ONE-POUND NOTES; OR, THE QUICK-CHANGE + CHANCELLOR.</h3> + </div> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page300" + id="page300"></a>[pg 300]</span> + + <h2>BY GEORGE!</h2> + + <blockquote> + <p>[In a recent libel action, brought against an author by + an African merchant, Mr. GEORGE MEREDITH was called as a + witness. He said:—</p> + </blockquote> + + <blockquote class="note"> + <p>"The story in dispute passed through his hands as reader + for the publishers. Asked in cross-examination if he + thought that the opening of the story relating to the + hero's mother did not offend against the canons of good + taste, the witness answered that it was the attempt of a + writer of serious mind to be humorous. It might be almost + called a stereotype of that form of the element of humour. + It was a failure but still passed with the + public.—The Judge: A kind of elephantine + humour?—The Witness: Quite so. I did not like it, but + one would have to object to so much."</p> + </blockquote> + + <blockquote> + <p>There the report of Mr. MEREDITH'S evidence ends. + Exigencies of space apparently caused the omission of a + great deal of it. Fortunately it is in our power to supply + this deficiency.—ED.]</p> + </blockquote> + + <div class="figleft" + style="width:40%;"> + <a href="images/300-1.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/300-1.png" + alt="Very much En Évidence; or, George in the box." /> + </a>Very much En Évidence; or, George in the box. + </div> + + <p><i>The Judge</i>. Quite so, Mr. MEREDITH. I may say for + myself that I fully understand you. But perhaps it would be + well to explain yourself a <i>leetle</i> more clearly for the + benefit of the jury.</p> + + <p><i>Mr. George Meredith</i>. My Lord, I will put it with a + convincing brevity, not indeed a dust-scattering brevity fit + only for the mumbling recluse, who perchance in this grey + London marching Eastward at break of naked morn, daintily + protruding a pinkest foot out of compassing clouds, copiously + takes inside of him doses of what is denied to his external + bat-resembling vision, but with the sharp brevity of a rotifer + astir in that curative compartment of a homoeopathic + globule—so I, humorously purposeful in the midst, of + sallow—</p> + + <p><i>The Judge</i>. One moment, Mr. MEREDITH. Have you + considered—</p> + + <p><i>Mr. G.M.</i> Consideration, my Lord, is of them that sit + revolving within themselves the mountainously mouse-productive + problems of the overtoppingly catastrophic backward ages of + empurpled brain-distorting puzzledom: for puzzles, as I have + elsewhere said, come in rattle-boxes, they are actually + children's toys, for what they contain, but not the less do + they buzz at our understandings and insist that they break or + we, and, in either case, to show a mere foolish idle rattle in + hollowness. Nor have the antic bobbings—</p> + + <p><i>Sir Charles Russell</i> (<i>cross-examining</i>). Really, + Mr. MEREDITH, I fail to follow you. Would it not be + possible—</p> + + <p><i>Mr. G.M.</i> Ay, there you have it. In truth, the + question looks like a paragraph in a newspaper, upon which a + Leading Article sits, dutifully arousing the fat worm of + sarcastic humour under the ribs of cradled citizens, with an + exposure of its excellent folly. For the word. That is it. The + word is Archon, with extended hand summoning the + collaboratorically ordained, misbegotten brood of + shock-shilling pamphlets to his regal presence—</p> + + <p><i>The Judge</i> (<i>testily</i>). No doubt that would be + so, but it brings us no nearer to a decision upon the question + of humour in the particular passage of the book which contains + the alleged libel.</p> + + <p><i>Sir Charles Russell</i>. Perhaps I can shorten matters, + my Lord. Now, Mr. MEREDITH, will you be kind enough to explain + the following passage from a book with which you may perhaps be + acquainted. (<i>Reads</i>.) "This he can promise to his points. + As for otherwhere than at the festive, Commerce invoked is a + Goddess that will have the reek of those boards to fill her + nostrils, and poet and alderman alike may be dedicate to the + sublime, she leads them, after two sniffs of an idea concerning + her, for the dive into the turtle-tureen. Heels up they go, + poet first—a plummet he!" Is that humorous, or, if not, + what is it?</p> + + <p><i>Mr. G.M.</i> Elephantine, I think; yet not elephantine + altogether, since of them that crash amid jungle of atrophied + semi-consciousness, strivingly set upon an overtopping + mastery—</p> + + <p><i>Sir Charles Russell</i> (<i>interrupting</i>). Thank you. + The passage is from <i>One of our Conquerors</i>. Here is + another:—"Reverting to the father and mother, his idea of + a positive injury, that was not without its congratulations, + sank him down among his disordered deeper sentiments, which + were a diver's wreck, where an armoured livid subtermarine, a + monstrous puff-ball of man, wandered seriously light in + heaviness; trebling his hundredweights to keep him from dancing + like a bladder-block of elastic lumber." And while you are + about it, pray inform the Court what you mean by "the vulgarest + of our gobble-gobbets," or by "a trebly cataphractic + Invisible."</p> + + <p><i>Mr. G.M.</i> Truly, the louder members of the grey public + are fraternally instant to spurn at the whip of that which they + do not immediately comprehend. But to me, plunged chokingly in + translucent profundities of aquamarine splendour, not of a + truth that in the heights above splendour resides not, + chidingly offering a fat whiskerless cheek to the blows of + circumstance, this was ever the problem of problems. How to + write. How not to write. This way and that the raging fates tug + the hapless reader, pillowed he upon the vast brown bosom of + his maternal earth, or lurefully beckoning the dim + shadow-shapes of dodecahedronic cataplasmatic centipede fatally + conditioned to the everlasting pyramid of a star-pointing + necessity. So—</p> + + <p><i>The Judge</i> (<i>with determination</i>). Mr. MEREDITH, + the Court is sincerely obliged to you for your extremely + valuable evidence. We are unwilling to detain you any longer. + Besides, after what you have said, the point is as clear as + daylight. Good morning, Mr. MEREDITH, good morning. You may + become a trebly cataphractic Invisible.</p> + <hr /> + + <h2>THE THINNING OF THE THATCH.</h2> + + <div class="figright" + style="width:40%;"> + <a href="images/300-2.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/300-2.png" + alt="" /></a> + </div> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Oh, the Autumn leaves are falling, and the days are + closing in,</p> + + <p>And the breeze is growing chilly, and my hair is + getting thin!</p> + + <p>I've a comfortable income—and my age is + thirty-three;</p> + + <p>But my Thatch is thinning quickly—yes, as + quickly as can be!</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>I was once a merry urchin—curly-headed I was + called,</p> + + <p>And I laughed at good old people when I saw them + going bald;</p> + + <p>But it's not a proper subject to be lightly joked + about,</p> + + <p>For it's dreadful to discover that your roof is + wearing out!</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>I remember asking Uncle—in my innocent + surprise—</p> + + <p>How he liked his head made use of as a Skating Rink + by flies;</p> + + <p>But although their dread intrusion I shall manfully + resist,</p> + + <p>I'm afraid they'll soon have got another Rink upon + their list.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>When invited to a party I'm invariably late,</p> + + <p>For I waste the time in efforts to conceal my + peeping pate—</p> + + <p>Though I coax my hair across it—though I brush + away for weeks,</p> + + <p>Yet I <i>can't</i> prevent it parting and dividing + into streaks!</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>I have tried a Hair Restorer, and I've rubbed my + head with rum,</p> + + <p>But the thatch keeps getting thinner, and the new + hair doesn't come—</p> + + <p>So I gaze into the mirror with a gloomy, vacant + stare,</p> + + <p>For the circle's getting wider of that Open Space up + there!</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>People tell me that my spirits I must not allow to + fall.</p> + + <p>And that coming generations won't have any hair at + all—</p> + + <p>Well—they'll never know an anguish that can + adequately match</p> + + <p>With the pangs of watching day by day the thinning + of your Thatch!</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + + <p>NOTICE.—Rejected communications or Contributions, + whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any + description, will in no case be returned, not even when + accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or + Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.</p> + <hr class="full" /> + +<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 14186 ***</div> +</body> +</html> diff --git a/14186-h/images/289-1.png b/14186-h/images/289-1.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..86157cc --- /dev/null +++ b/14186-h/images/289-1.png diff --git a/14186-h/images/289-2.png b/14186-h/images/289-2.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..88dfd04 --- /dev/null +++ b/14186-h/images/289-2.png diff --git a/14186-h/images/289-3.png b/14186-h/images/289-3.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..f77f985 --- /dev/null +++ b/14186-h/images/289-3.png diff --git a/14186-h/images/289-4.png b/14186-h/images/289-4.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..da7e254 --- /dev/null +++ b/14186-h/images/289-4.png diff --git a/14186-h/images/290.png b/14186-h/images/290.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..84be59d --- /dev/null +++ b/14186-h/images/290.png diff --git a/14186-h/images/291.png b/14186-h/images/291.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..c0e4972 --- /dev/null +++ b/14186-h/images/291.png diff --git a/14186-h/images/292.png b/14186-h/images/292.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..b7df42d --- /dev/null +++ b/14186-h/images/292.png diff --git a/14186-h/images/293-1.png b/14186-h/images/293-1.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..6d1b8ef --- /dev/null +++ b/14186-h/images/293-1.png diff --git a/14186-h/images/293-2.png b/14186-h/images/293-2.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..636db37 --- /dev/null +++ b/14186-h/images/293-2.png diff --git a/14186-h/images/293-3.png b/14186-h/images/293-3.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a3e489b --- /dev/null +++ b/14186-h/images/293-3.png diff --git a/14186-h/images/294.png b/14186-h/images/294.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..9562988 --- /dev/null +++ b/14186-h/images/294.png diff --git a/14186-h/images/295.png b/14186-h/images/295.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..f4c9818 --- /dev/null +++ b/14186-h/images/295.png diff --git a/14186-h/images/297.png b/14186-h/images/297.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..b0ba53a --- /dev/null +++ b/14186-h/images/297.png diff --git a/14186-h/images/298-1.png b/14186-h/images/298-1.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..e1a1319 --- /dev/null +++ b/14186-h/images/298-1.png diff --git a/14186-h/images/298-2.png b/14186-h/images/298-2.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a9857a0 --- /dev/null +++ b/14186-h/images/298-2.png diff --git a/14186-h/images/298-3.png b/14186-h/images/298-3.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..b690961 --- /dev/null +++ b/14186-h/images/298-3.png diff --git a/14186-h/images/298-4.png b/14186-h/images/298-4.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..888d78c --- /dev/null +++ b/14186-h/images/298-4.png diff --git a/14186-h/images/298-5.png b/14186-h/images/298-5.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..4acba5f --- /dev/null +++ b/14186-h/images/298-5.png diff --git a/14186-h/images/298-6.png b/14186-h/images/298-6.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..1d9c45a --- /dev/null +++ b/14186-h/images/298-6.png diff --git a/14186-h/images/299.png b/14186-h/images/299.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..44e446e --- /dev/null +++ b/14186-h/images/299.png diff --git a/14186-h/images/300-1.png b/14186-h/images/300-1.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..b899a3b --- /dev/null +++ b/14186-h/images/300-1.png diff --git a/14186-h/images/300-2.png b/14186-h/images/300-2.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..3c438d3 --- /dev/null +++ b/14186-h/images/300-2.png |
