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diff --git a/old/ttgnd10.txt b/old/ttgnd10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..78fa003 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/ttgnd10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1412 @@ +The Project Gutenberg Etext of Tom Tiddler's Ground, by Dickens +#40 in our series by Charles Dickens + + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check +the copyright laws for your country before posting these files!! + +Please take a look at the important information in this header. +We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an +electronic path open for the next readers. Do not remove this. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**Etexts Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*These Etexts Prepared By Hundreds of Volunteers and Donations* + +Information on contacting Project Gutenberg to get Etexts, and +further information is included below. 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FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.04.29.93*END* + + + + + +This etext was prepared from the 1894 Chapman and Hall "Christmas Stories" +edition by David Price, email ccx074@coventry.ac.uk + + + + + +TOM TIDDLER'S GROUND + + + + +CHAPTER I--PICKING UP SOOT AND CINDERS + + + +"And why Tom Tiddler's ground?" said the Traveller. + +"Because he scatters halfpence to Tramps and such-like," returned +the Landlord, "and of course they pick 'em up. And this being done +on his own land (which it IS his own land, you observe, and were his +family's before him), why it is but regarding the halfpence as gold +and silver, and turning the ownership of the property a bit round +your finger, and there you have the name of the children's game +complete. And it's appropriate too," said the Landlord, with his +favourite action of stooping a little, to look across the table out +of window at vacancy, under the window-blind which was half drawn +down. "Leastwise it has been so considered by many gentlemen which +have partook of chops and tea in the present humble parlour." + +The Traveller was partaking of chops and tea in the present humble +parlour, and the Landlord's shot was fired obliquely at him. + +"And you call him a Hermit?" said the Traveller. + +"They call him such," returned the Landlord, evading personal +responsibility; "he is in general so considered." + +"What IS a Hermit?" asked the Traveller. + +"What is it?" repeated the Landlord, drawing his hand across his +chin. + +"Yes, what is it?" + +The Landlord stooped again, to get a more comprehensive view of +vacancy under the window-blind, and--with an asphyxiated appearance +on him as one unaccustomed to definition--made no answer. + +"I'll tell you what I suppose it to be," said the Traveller. "An +abominably dirty thing." + +"Mr. Mopes is dirty, it cannot be denied," said the Landlord. + +"Intolerably conceited." + +"Mr. Mopes is vain of the life he leads, some do say," replied the +Landlord, as another concession. + +"A slothful, unsavoury, nasty reversal of the laws of human mature," +said the Traveller; "and for the sake of GOD'S working world and its +wholesomeness, both moral and physical, I would put the thing on the +treadmill (if I had my way) wherever I found it; whether on a +pillar, or in a hole; whether on Tom Tiddler's ground, or the Pope +of Rome's ground, or a Hindoo fakeer's ground, or any other ground." + +"I don't know about putting Mr. Mopes on the treadmill," said the +Landlord, shaking his head very seriously. "There ain't a doubt but +what he has got landed property." + +"How far may it be to this said Tom Tiddler's ground?" asked the +Traveller. + +"Put it at five mile," returned the Landlord. + +"Well! When I have done my breakfast," said the Traveller, "I'll go +there. I came over here this morning, to find it out and see it." + +"Many does," observed the Landlord. + +The conversation passed, in the Midsummer weather of no remote year +of grace, down among the pleasant dales and trout-streams of a green +English county. No matter what county. Enough that you may hunt +there, shoot there, fish there, traverse long grass-grown Roman +roads there, open ancient barrows there, see many a square mile of +richly cultivated land there, and hold Arcadian talk with a bold +peasantry, their country's pride, who will tell you (if you want to +know) how pastoral housekeeping is done on nine shillings a week. + +Mr. Traveller sat at his breakfast in the little sanded parlour of +the Peal of Bells village alehouse, with the dew and dust of an +early walk upon his shoes--an early walk by road and meadow and +coppice, that had sprinkled him bountifully with little blades of +grass, and scraps of new hay, and with leaves both young and old, +and with other such fragrant tokens of the freshness and wealth of +summer. The window through which the landlord had concentrated his +gaze upon vacancy was shaded, because the morning sun was hot and +bright on the village street. The village street was like most +other village streets: wide for its height, silent for its size, +and drowsy in the dullest degree. The quietest little dwellings +with the largest of window-shutters (to shut up Nothing as carefully +as if it were the Mint, or the Bank of England) had called in the +Doctor's house so suddenly, that his brass door-plate and three +stories stood among them as conspicuous and different as the doctor +himself in his broadcloth, among the smock-frocks of his patients. +The village residences seemed to have gone to law with a similar +absence of consideration, for a score of weak little lath-and- +plaster cabins clung in confusion about the Attorney's red-brick +house, which, with glaring door-steps and a most terrific scraper, +seemed to serve all manner of ejectments upon them. They were as +various as labourers--high-shouldered, wry-necked, one-eyed, goggle- +eyed, squinting, bow-legged, knock-knee'd, rheumatic, crazy. Some +of the small tradesmen's houses, such as the crockery-shop and the +harness-maker, had a Cyclops window in the middle of the gable, +within an inch or two of its apex, suggesting that some forlorn +rural Prentice must wriggle himself into that apartment +horizontally, when he retired to rest, after the manner of the worm. +So bountiful in its abundance was the surrounding country, and so +lean and scant the village, that one might have thought the village +had sown and planted everything it once possessed, to convert the +same into crops. This would account for the bareness of the little +shops, the bareness of the few boards and trestles designed for +market purposes in a corner of the street, the bareness of the +obsolete Inn and Inn Yard, with the ominous inscription "Excise +Office" not yet faded out from the gateway, as indicating the very +last thing that poverty could get rid of. This would also account +for the determined abandonment of the village by one stray dog, fast +lessening in the perspective where the white posts and the pond +were, and would explain his conduct on the hypothesis that he was +going (through the act of suicide) to convert himself into manure, +and become a part proprietor in turnips or mangold-wurzel. + +Mr. Traveller having finished his breakfast and paid his moderate +score, walked out to the threshold of the Peal of Bells, and, thence +directed by the pointing finger of his host, betook himself towards +the ruined hermitage of Mr. Mopes the hermit. + +For, Mr. Mopes, by suffering everything about him to go to ruin, and +by dressing himself in a blanket and skewer, and by steeping himself +in soot and grease and other nastiness, had acquired great renown in +all that country-side--far greater renown than he could ever have +won for himself, if his career had been that of any ordinary +Christian, or decent Hottentot. He had even blanketed and skewered +and sooted and greased himself, into the London papers. And it was +curious to find, as Mr. Traveller found by stopping for a new +direction at this farm-house or at that cottage as he went along, +with how much accuracy the morbid Mopes had counted on the weakness +of his neighbours to embellish him. A mist of home-brewed marvel +and romance surrounded Mopes, in which (as in all fogs) the real +proportions of the real object were extravagantly heightened. He +had murdered his beautiful beloved in a fit of jealousy and was +doing penance; he had made a vow under the influence of grief; he +had made a vow under the influence of a fatal accident; he had made +a vow under the influence of religion; he had made a vow under the +influence of drink; he had made a vow under the influence of +disappointment; he had never made any vow, but "had got led into it" +by the possession of a mighty and most awful secret; he was +enormously rich, he was stupendously charitable, he was profoundly +learned, he saw spectres, he knew and could do all kinds of wonders. +Some said he went out every night, and was met by terrified +wayfarers stalking along dark roads, others said he never went out, +some knew his penance to be nearly expired, others had positive +information that his seclusion was not a penance at all, and would +never expire but with himself. Even, as to the easy facts of how +old he was, or how long he had held verminous occupation of his +blanket and skewer, no consistent information was to be got, from +those who must know if they would. He was represented as being all +the ages between five-and-twenty and sixty, and as having been a +hermit seven years, twelve, twenty, thirty,--though twenty, on the +whole, appeared the favourite term. + +"Well, well!" said Mr. Traveller. "At any rate, let us see what a +real live Hermit looks like." + +So, Mr. Traveller went on, and on, and on, until he came to Tom +Tiddler's Ground. + +It was a nook in a rustic by-road, which the genius of Mopes had +laid waste as completely, as if he had been born an Emperor and a +Conqueror. Its centre object was a dwelling-house, sufficiently +substantial, all the window-glass of which had been long ago +abolished by the surprising genius of Mopes, and all the windows of +which were barred across with rough-split logs of trees nailed over +them on the outside. A rickyard, hip-high in vegetable rankness and +ruin, contained outbuildings from which the thatch had lightly +fluttered away, on all the winds of all the seasons of the year, and +from which the planks and beams had heavily dropped and rotted. The +frosts and damps of winter, and the heats of summer, had warped what +wreck remained, so that not a post or a board retained the position +it was meant to hold, but everything was twisted from its purpose, +like its owner, and degraded and debased. In this homestead of the +sluggard, behind the ruined hedge, and sinking away among the ruined +grass and the nettles, were the last perishing fragments of certain +ricks: which had gradually mildewed and collapsed, until they +looked like mounds of rotten honeycomb, or dirty sponge. Tom +Tiddler's ground could even show its ruined water; for, there was a +slimy pond into which a tree or two had fallen--one soppy trunk and +branches lay across it then--which in its accumulation of stagnant +weed, and in its black decomposition, and in all its foulness and +filth, was almost comforting, regarded as the only water that could +have reflected the shameful place without seeming polluted by that +low office. + +Mr. Traveller looked all around him on Tom Tiddler's ground, and his +glance at last encountered a dusky Tinker lying among the weeds and +rank grass, in the shade of the dwelling-house. A rough walking- +staff lay on the ground by his side, and his head rested on a small +wallet. He met Mr. Traveller's eye without lifting up his head, +merely depressing his chin a little (for he was lying on his back) +to get a better view of him. + +"Good day!" said Mr. Traveller. + +"Same to you, if you like it," returned the Tinker. + +"Don't YOU like it? It's a very fine day." + +"I ain't partickler in weather," returned the Tinker, with a yawn. + +Mr. Traveller had walked up to where he lay, and was looking down at +him. "This is a curious place," said Mr. Traveller. + +"Ay, I suppose so!" returned the Tinker. "Tom Tiddler's ground, +they call this." + +"Are you well acquainted with it?" + +"Never saw it afore to-day," said the Tinker, with another yawn, +"and don't care if I never see it again. There was a man here just +now, told me what it was called. If you want to see Tom himself, +you must go in at that gate." He faintly indicated with his chin a +little mean ruin of a wooden gate at the side of the house. + +"Have you seen Tom?" + +"No, and I ain't partickler to see him. I can see a dirty man +anywhere." + +"He does not live in the house, then?" said Mr. Traveller, casting +his eyes upon the house anew. + +"The man said," returned the Tinker, rather irritably,--"him as was +here just now, 'this what you're a laying on, mate, is Tom Tiddler's +ground. And if you want to see Tom,' he says, 'you must go in at +that gate.' The man come out at that gate himself, and he ought to +know." + +"Certainly," said Mr. Traveller. + +"Though, perhaps," exclaimed the Tinker, so struck by the brightness +of his own idea, that it had the electric effect upon him of causing +him to lift up his head an inch or so, "perhaps he was a liar! He +told some rum 'uns--him as was here just now, did about this place +of Tom's. He says--him as was here just now--'When Tom shut up the +house, mate, to go to rack, the beds was left, all made, like as if +somebody was a-going to sleep in every bed. And if you was to walk +through the bedrooms now, you'd see the ragged mouldy bedclothes a +heaving and a heaving like seas. And a heaving and a heaving with +what?' he says. 'Why, with the rats under 'em.'" + +"I wish I had seen that man," Mr. Traveller remarked. + +"You'd have been welcome to see him instead of me seeing him," +growled the Tinker; "for he was a long-winded one." + +Not without a sense of injury in the remembrance, the Tinker +gloomily closed his eyes. Mr. Traveller, deeming the Tinker a +short-winded one, from whom no further breath of information was to +be derived, betook himself to the gate. + +Swung upon its rusty hinges, it admitted him into a yard in which +there was nothing to be seen but an outhouse attached to the ruined +building, with a barred window in it. As there were traces of many +recent footsteps under this window, and as it was a low window, and +unglazed, Mr. Traveller made bold to peep within the bars. And +there to be sure he had a real live Hermit before him, and could +judge how the real dead Hermits used to look. + +He was lying on a bank of soot and cinders, on the floor, in front +of a rusty fireplace. There was nothing else in the dark little +kitchen, or scullery, or whatever his den had been originally used +as, but a table with a litter of old bottles on it. A rat made a +clatter among these bottles, jumped down, and ran over the real live +Hermit on his way to his hole, or the man in HIS hole would not have +been so easily discernible. Tickled in the face by the rat's tail, +the owner of Tom Tiddler's ground opened his eyes, saw Mr. +Traveller, started up, and sprang to the window. + +"Humph!" thought Mr. Traveller, retiring a pace or two from the +bars. "A compound of Newgate, Bedlam, a Debtors' Prison in the +worst time, a chimney-sweep, a mudlark, and the Noble Savage! A +nice old family, the Hermit family. Hah!" + +Mr. Traveller thought this, as he silently confronted the sooty +object in the blanket and skewer (in sober truth it wore nothing +else), with the matted hair and the staring eyes. Further, Mr. +Traveller thought, as the eye surveyed him with a very obvious +curiosity in ascertaining the effect they produced, "Vanity, vanity, +vanity! Verily, all is vanity!" + +"What is your name, sir, and where do you come from?" asked Mr. +Mopes the Hermit--with an air of authority, but in the ordinary +human speech of one who has been to school. + +Mr. Traveller answered the inquiries. + +"Did you come here, sir, to see ME?" + +"I did. I heard of you, and I came to see you.--I know you like to +be seen." Mr. Traveller coolly threw the last words in, as a matter +of course, to forestall an affectation of resentment or objection +that he saw rising beneath the grease and grime of the face. They +had their effect. + +"So," said the Hermit, after a momentary silence, unclasping the +bars by which he had previously held, and seating himself behind +them on the ledge of the window, with his bare legs and feet +crouched up, "you know I like to be seen?" + +Mr. Traveller looked about him for something to sit on, and, +observing a billet of wood in a corner, brought it near the window. +Deliberately seating himself upon it, he answered, "Just so." + +Each looked at the other, and each appeared to take some pains to +get the measure of the other. + +"Then you have come to ask me why I lead this life," said the +Hermit, frowning in a stormy manner. "I never tell that to any +human being. I will not be asked that." + +"Certainly you will not be asked that by me," said Mr. Traveller, +"for I have not the slightest desire to know." + +"You are an uncouth man," said Mr. Mopes the Hermit. + +"You are another," said Mr. Traveller. + +The Hermit, who was plainly in the habit of overawing his visitors +with the novelty of his filth and his blanket and skewer, glared at +his present visitor in some discomfiture and surprise: as if he had +taken aim at him with a sure gun, and his piece had missed fire. + +"Why do you come here at all?" he asked, after a pause. + +"Upon my life," said Mr. Traveller, "I was made to ask myself that +very question only a few minutes ago--by a Tinker too." + +As he glanced towards the gate in saying it, the Hermit glanced in +that direction likewise. + +"Yes. He is lying on his back in the sunlight outside," said Mr, +Traveller, as if he had been asked concerning the man, "and he won't +come in; for he says--and really very reasonably--'What should I +come in for? I can see a dirty man anywhere.'" + +"You are an insolent person. Go away from my premises. Go!" said +the Hermit, in an imperious and angry tone. + +"Come, come!" returned Mr. Traveller, quite undisturbed. "This is a +little too much. You are not going to call yourself clean? Look at +your legs. And as to these being your premises:- they are in far +too disgraceful a condition to claim any privilege of ownership, or +anything else." + +The Hermit bounced down from his window-ledge, and cast himself on +his bed of soot and cinders. + +"I am not going," said Mr. Traveller, glancing in after him; "you +won't get rid of me in that way. You had better come and talk." + +"I won't talk," said the Hermit, flouncing round to get his back +towards the window. + +"Then I will," said Mr. Traveller. "Why should you take it ill that +I have no curiosity to know why you live this highly absurd and +highly indecent life? When I contemplate a man in a state of +disease, surely there is no moral obligation on me to be anxious to +know how he took it." + +After a short silence, the Hermit bounced up again, and came back to +the barred window. + +"What? You are not gone?" he said, affecting to have supposed that +he was. + +"Nor going," Mr. Traveller replied: "I design to pass this summer +day here." + +"How dare you come, sir, upon my promises--" the Hermit was +returning, when his visitor interrupted him. + +"Really, you know, you must NOT talk about your premises. I cannot +allow such a place as this to be dignified with the name of +premises." + +"How dare you," said the Hermit, shaking his bars, "come in at my +gate, to taunt me with being in a diseased state?" + +"Why, Lord bless my soul," returned the other, very composedly, "you +have not the face to say that you are in a wholesome state? Do +allow me again to call your attention to your legs. Scrape yourself +anywhere--with anything--and then tell me you are in a wholesome +state. The fact is, Mr. Mopes, that you are not only a Nuisance--" + +"A Nuisance?" repeated the Hermit, fiercely. + +"What is a place in this obscene state of dilapidation but a +Nuisance? What is a man in your obscene state of dilapidation but a +Nuisance? Then, as you very well know, you cannot do without an +audience, and your audience is a Nuisance. You attract all the +disreputable vagabonds and prowlers within ten miles around, by +exhibiting yourself to them in that objectionable blanket, and by +throwing copper money among them, and giving them drink out of those +very dirty jars and bottles that I see in there (their stomachs need +be strong!); and in short," said Mr. Traveller, summing up in a +quietly and comfortably settled manner, "you are a Nuisance, and +this kennel is a Nuisance, and the audience that you cannot possibly +dispense with is a Nuisance, and the Nuisance is not merely a local +Nuisance, because it is a general Nuisance to know that there CAN BE +such a Nuisance left in civilisation so very long after its time." + +"Will you go away? I have a gun in here," said the Hermit. + +"Pooh!" + +"I HAVE!" + +"Now, I put it to you. Did I say you had not? And as to going +away, didn't I say I am not going away? You have made me forget +where I was. I now remember that I was remarking on your conduct +being a Nuisance. Moreover, it is in the last and lowest degree +inconsequent foolishness and weakness." + +"Weakness?" echoed the Hermit. + +"Weakness," said Mr. Traveller, with his former comfortably settled +final air. + +"I weak, you fool?" cried the Hermit, "I, who have held to my +purpose, and my diet, and my only bed there, all these years?" + +"The more the years, the weaker you," returned Mr. Traveller. +"Though the years are not so many as folks say, and as you willingly +take credit for. The crust upon your face is thick and dark, Mr. +Mopes, but I can see enough of you through it, to see that you are +still a young man." + +"Inconsequent foolishness is lunacy, I suppose?" said the Hermit. + +"I suppose it is very like it," answered Mr. Traveller. + +"Do I converse like a lunatic?" + +"One of us two must have a strong presumption against him of being +one, whether or no. Either the clean and decorously clad man, or +the dirty and indecorously clad man. I don't say which." + +"Why, you self-sufficient bear," said the Hermit, "not a day passes +but I am justified in my purpose by the conversations I hold here; +not a day passes but I am shown, by everything I hear and see here, +how right and strong I am in holding my purpose." + +Mr. Traveller, lounging easily on his billet of wood, took out a +pocket pipe and began to fill it. "Now, that a man," he said, +appealing to the summer sky as he did so, "that a man--even behind +bars, in a blanket and skewer--should tell me that he can see, from +day to day, any orders or conditions of men, women, or children, who +can by any possibility teach him that it is anything but the +miserablest drivelling for a human creature to quarrel with his +social nature--not to go so far as to say, to renounce his common +human decency, for that is an extreme case; or who can teach him +that he can in any wise separate himself from his kind and the +habits of his kind, without becoming a deteriorated spectacle +calculated to give the Devil (and perhaps the monkeys) pleasure,--is +something wonderful! I repeat," said Mr. Traveller, beginning to +smoke, "the unreasoning hardihood of it is something wonderful--even +in a man with the dirt upon him an inch or two thick--behind bars-- +in a blanket and skewer!" + +The Hermit looked at him irresolutely, and retired to his soot and +cinders and lay down, and got up again and came to the bars, and +again looked at him irresolutely, and finally said with sharpness: +"I don't like tobacco." + +"I don't like dirt," rejoined Mr. Traveller; "tobacco is an +excellent disinfectant. We shall both be the better for my pipe. +It is my intention to sit here through this summer day, until that +blessed summer sun sinks low in the west, and to show you what a +poor creature you are, through the lips of every chance wayfarer who +may come in at your gate." + +"What do you mean?" inquired the Hermit, with a furious air. + +"I mean that yonder is your gate, and there are you, and here am I; +I mean that I know it to be a moral impossibility that any person +can stray in at that gate from any point of the compass, with any +sort of experience, gained at first hand, or derived from another, +that can confute me and justify you." + +"You are an arrogant and boastful hero," said the Hermit. "You +think yourself profoundly wise." + +"Bah!" returned Mr. Traveller, quietly smoking. "There is little +wisdom in knowing that every man must be up and doing, and that all +mankind are made dependent on one another." + +"You have companions outside," said the Hermit. "I am not to be +imposed upon by your assumed confidence in the people who may +enter." + +"A depraved distrust," returned the visitor, compassionately raising +his eyebrows, "of course belongs to your state, I can't help that." + +"Do you mean to tell me you have no confederates?" + +"I mean to tell you nothing but what I have told you. What I have +told you is, that it is a moral impossibility that any son or +daughter of Adam can stand on this ground that I put my foot on, or +on any ground that mortal treads, and gainsay the healthy tenure on +which we hold our existence." + +"Which is," sneered the Hermit, "according to you--" + +"Which is," returned the other, "according to Eternal Providence, +that we must arise and wash our faces and do our gregarious work and +act and re-act on one another, leaving only the idiot and the +palsied to sit blinking in the corner. Come!" apostrophising the +gate. "Open Sesame! Show his eyes and grieve his heart! I don't +care who comes, for I know what must come of it!" + +With that, he faced round a little on his billet of wood towards the +gate; and Mr. Mopes, the Hermit, after two or three ridiculous +bounces of indecision at his bed and back again, submitted to what +he could not help himself against, and coiled himself on his window- +ledge, holding to his bars and looking out rather anxiously. + + + +CHAPTER VI--PICKING UP MISS KIMMEENS {1} + + + +The day was by this time waning, when the gate again opened, and, +with the brilliant golden light that streamed from the declining sun +and touched the very bars of the sooty creature's den, there passed +in a little child; a little girl with beautiful bright hair. She +wore a plain straw hat, had a door-key in her hand, and tripped +towards Mr. Traveller as if she were pleased to see him and were +going to repose some childish confidence in him, when she caught +sight of the figure behind the bars, and started back in terror. + +"Don't be alarmed, darling!" said Mr. Traveller, taking her by the +hand. + +"Oh, but I don't like it!" urged the shrinking child; "it's +dreadful." + +"Well! I don't like it either," said Mr. Traveller. + +"Who has put it there?" asked the little girl. "Does it bite?" + +"No,--only barks. But can't you make up your mind to see it, my +dear?" For she was covering her eyes. + +"O no no no!" returned the child. "I cannot bear to look at it!" + +Mr. Traveller turned his head towards his friend in there, as much +as to ask him how he liked that instance of his success, and then +took the child out at the still open gate, and stood talking to her +for some half an hour in the mellow sunlight. At length he +returned, encouraging her as she held his arm with both her hands; +and laying his protecting hand upon her head and smoothing her +pretty hair, he addressed his friend behind the bars as follows: + + +Miss Pupford's establishment for six young ladies of tender years, +is an establishment of a compact nature, an establishment in +miniature, quite a pocket establishment. Miss Pupford, Miss +Pupford's assistant with the Parisian accent, Miss Pupford's cook, +and Miss Pupford's housemaid, complete what Miss Pupford calls the +educational and domestic staff of her Lilliputian College. + +Miss Pupford is one of the most amiable of her sex; it necessarily +follows that she possesses a sweet temper, and would own to the +possession of a great deal of sentiment if she considered it quite +reconcilable with her duty to parents. Deeming it not in the bond, +Miss Pupford keeps it as far out of sight as she can--which (God +bless her!) is not very far. + +Miss Pupford's assistant with the Parisian accent, may be regarded +as in some sort an inspired lady, for she never conversed with a +Parisian, and was never out of England--except once in the pleasure- +boat Lively, in the foreign waters that ebb and flow two miles off +Margate at high water. Even under those geographically favourable +circumstances for the acquisition of the French language in its +utmost politeness and purity, Miss Pupford's assistant did not fully +profit by the opportunity; for the pleasure-boat, Lively, so +strongly asserted its title to its name on that occasion, that she +was reduced to the condition of lying in the bottom of the boat +pickling in brine--as if she were being salted down for the use of +the Navy--undergoing at the same time great mental alarm, corporeal +distress, and clear-starching derangement. + +When Miss Pupford and her assistant first foregathered, is not known +to men, or pupils. But, it was long ago. A belief would have +established itself among pupils that the two once went to school +together, were it not for the difficulty and audacity of imagining +Miss Pupford born without mittens, and without a front, and without +a bit of gold wire among her front teeth, and without little dabs of +powder on her neat little face and nose. Indeed, whenever Miss +Pupford gives a little lecture on the mythology of the misguided +heathens (always carefully excluding Cupid from recognition), and +tells how Minerva sprang, perfectly equipped, from the brain of +Jupiter, she is half supposed to hint, "So I myself came into the +world, completely up in Pinnock, Mangnall, Tables, and the use of +the Globes." + +Howbeit, Miss Pupford and Miss Pupford's assistant are old old +friends. And it is thought by pupils that, after pupils are gone to +bed, they even call one another by their christian names in the +quiet little parlour. For, once upon a time on a thunderous +afternoon, when Miss Pupford fainted away without notice, Miss +Pupford's assistant (never heard, before or since, to address her +otherwise than as Miss Pupford) ran to her, crying out, "My dearest +Euphemia!" And Euphemia is Miss Pupford's christian name on the +sampler (date picked out) hanging up in the College-hall, where the +two peacocks, terrified to death by some German text that is +waddling down-hill after them out of a cottage, are scuttling away +to hide their profiles in two immense bean-stalks growing out of +flower-pots. + +Also, there is a notion latent among pupils, that Miss Pupford was +once in love, and that the beloved object still moves upon this +ball. Also, that he is a public character, and a personage of vast +consequence. Also, that Miss Pupford's assistant knows all about +it. For, sometimes of an afternoon when Miss Pupford has been +reading the paper through her little gold eye-glass (it is necessary +to read it on the spot, as the boy calls for it, with ill- +conditioned punctuality, in an hour), she has become agitated, and +has said to her assistant "G!" Then Miss Pupford's assistant has +gone to Miss Pupford, and Miss Pupford has pointed out, with her +eye-glass, G in the paper, and then Miss Pupford's assistant has +read about G, and has shown sympathy. So stimulated has the pupil- +mind been in its time to curiosity on the subject of G, that once, +under temporary circumstances favourable to the bold sally, one +fearless pupil did actually obtain possession of the paper, and +range all over it in search of G, who had been discovered therein by +Miss Pupford not ten minutes before. But no G could be identified, +except one capital offender who had been executed in a state of +great hardihood, and it was not to be supposed that Miss Pupford +could ever have loved HIM. Besides, he couldn't be always being +executed. Besides, he got into the paper again, alive, within a +month. + +On the whole, it is suspected by the pupil-mind that G is a short +chubby old gentleman, with little black sealing-wax boots up to his +knees, whom a sharply observant pupil, Miss Linx, when she once went +to Tunbridge Wells with Miss Pupford for the holidays, reported on +her return (privately and confidentially) to have seen come capering +up to Miss Pupford on the Promenade, and to have detected in the act +of squeezing Miss Pupford's hand, and to have heard pronounce the +words, "Cruel Euphemia, ever thine!"--or something like that. Miss +Linx hazarded a guess that he might be House of Commons, or Money +Market, or Court Circular, or Fashionable Movements; which would +account for his getting into the paper so often. But, it was +fatally objected by the pupil-mind, that none of those notabilities +could possibly be spelt with a G. + +There are other occasions, closely watched and perfectly +comprehended by the pupil-mind, when Miss Pupford imparts with +mystery to her assistant that there is special excitement in the +morning paper. These occasions are, when Miss Pupford finds an old +pupil coming out under the head of Births, or Marriages. +Affectionate tears are invariably seen in Miss Pupford's meek little +eyes when this is the case; and the pupil-mind, perceiving that its +order has distinguished itself--though the fact is never mentioned +by Miss Pupford--becomes elevated, and feels that it likewise is +reserved for greatness. + +Miss Pupford's assistant with the Parisian accent has a little more +bone than Miss Pupford, but is of the same trim orderly diminutive +cast, and, from long contemplation, admiration, and imitation of +Miss Pupford, has grown like her. Being entirely devoted to Miss +Pupford, and having a pretty talent for pencil-drawing, she once +made a portrait of that lady: which was so instantly identified and +hailed by the pupils, that it was done on stone at five shillings. +Surely the softest and milkiest stone that ever was quarried, +received that likeness of Miss Pupford! The lines of her placid +little nose are so undecided in it that strangers to the work of art +are observed to be exceedingly perplexed as to where the nose goes +to, and involuntarily feel their own noses in a disconcerted manner. +Miss Pupford being represented in a state of dejection at an open +window, ruminating over a bowl of gold fish, the pupil-mind has +settled that the bowl was presented by G, and that he wreathed the +bowl with flowers of soul, and that Miss Pupford is depicted as +waiting for him on a memorable occasion when he was behind his time. + +The approach of the last Midsummer holidays had a particular +interest for the pupil-mind, by reason of its knowing that Miss +Pupford was bidden, on the second day of those holidays, to the +nuptials of a former pupil. As it was impossible to conceal the +fact--so extensive were the dress-making preparations--Miss Pupford +openly announced it. But, she held it due to parents to make the +announcement with an air of gentle melancholy, as if marriage were +(as indeed it exceptionally has been) rather a calamity. With an +air of softened resignation and pity, therefore, Miss Pupford went +on with her preparations: and meanwhile no pupil ever went up- +stairs, or came down, without peeping in at the door of Miss +Pupford's bedroom (when Miss Pupford wasn't there), and bringing +back some surprising intelligence concerning the bonnet. + +The extensive preparations being completed on the day before the +holidays, an unanimous entreaty was preferred to Miss Pupford by the +pupil-mind--finding expression through Miss Pupford's assistant-- +that she would deign to appear in all her splendour. Miss Pupford +consenting, presented a lovely spectacle. And although the oldest +pupil was barely thirteen, every one of the six became in two +minutes perfect in the shape, cut, colour, price, and quality, of +every article Miss Pupford wore. + +Thus delightfully ushered in, the holidays began. Five of the six +pupils kissed little Kitty Kimmeens twenty times over (round total, +one hundred times, for she was very popular), and so went home. +Miss Kitty Kimmeens remained behind, for her relations and friends +were all in India, far away. A self-helpful steady little child is +Miss Kitty Kimmeens: a dimpled child too, and a loving. + +So, the great marriage-day came, and Miss Pupford, quite as much +fluttered as any bride could be (G! thought Miss Kitty Kimmeens), +went away, splendid to behold, in the carriage that was sent for +her. But not Miss Pupford only went away; for Miss Pupford's +assistant went away with her, on a dutiful visit to an aged uncle-- +though surely the venerable gentleman couldn't live in the gallery +of the church where the marriage was to be, thought Miss Kitty +Kimmeens--and yet Miss Pupford's assistant had let out that she was +going there. Where the cook was going, didn't appear, but she +generally conveyed to Miss Kimmeens that she was bound, rather +against her will, on a pilgrimage to perform some pious office that +rendered new ribbons necessary to her best bonnet, and also sandals +to her shoes. + +"So you see," said the housemaid, when they were all gone, "there's +nobody left in the house but you and me, Miss Kimmeens." + +"Nobody else," said Miss Kitty Kimmeens, shaking her curls a little +sadly. "Nobody!" + +"And you wouldn't like your Bella to go too; would you, Miss +Kimmeens?" said the housemaid. (She being Bella.) + +"N-no," answered little Miss Kimmeens. + +"Your poor Bella is forced to stay with you, whether she likes it or +not; ain't she, Miss Kimmeens?" + +"DON'T you like it?" inquired Kitty. + +"Why, you're such a darling, Miss, that it would be unkind of your +Bella to make objections. Yet my brother-in-law has been took +unexpected bad by this morning's post. And your poor Bella is much +attached to him, letting alone her favourite sister, Miss Kimmeens." + +"Is he very ill?" asked little Kitty. + +"Your poor Bella has her fears so, Miss Kimmeens," returned the +housemaid, with her apron at her eyes. "It was but his inside, it +is true, but it might mount, and the doctor said that if it mounted +he wouldn't answer." Here the housemaid was so overcome that Kitty +administered the only comfort she had ready: which was a kiss. + +"If it hadn't been for disappointing Cook, dear Miss Kimmeens," said +the housemaid, "your Bella would have asked her to stay with you. +For Cook is sweet company, Miss Kimmeens, much more so than your own +poor Bella." + +"But you are very nice, Bella." + +"Your Bella could wish to be so, Miss Kimmeens," returned the +housemaid, "but she knows full well that it do not lay in her power +this day." + +With which despondent conviction, the housemaid drew a heavy sigh, +and shook her head, and dropped it on one side. + +"If it had been anyways right to disappoint Cook," she pursued, in a +contemplative and abstracted manner, "it might have been so easy +done! I could have got to my brother-in-law's, and had the best +part of the day there, and got back, long before our ladies come +home at night, and neither the one nor the other of them need never +have known it. Not that Miss Pupford would at all object, but that +it might put her out, being tender-hearted. Hows'ever, your own +poor Bella, Miss Kimmeens," said the housemaid, rousing herself, "is +forced to stay with you, and you're a precious love, if not a +liberty." + +"Bella," said little Kitty, after a short silence. + +"Call your own poor Bella, your Bella, dear," the housemaid besought +her. + +"My Bella, then." + +"Bless your considerate heart!" said the housemaid. + +"If you would not mind leaving me, I should not mind being left. I +am not afraid to stay in the house alone. And you need not be +uneasy on my account, for I would be very careful to do no harm." + +"O! As to harm, you more than sweetest, if not a liberty," +exclaimed the housemaid, in a rapture, "your Bella could trust you +anywhere, being so steady, and so answerable. The oldest head in +this house (me and Cook says), but for its bright hair, is Miss +Kimmeens. But no, I will not leave you; for you would think your +Bella unkind." + +"But if you are my Bella, you MUST go," returned the child. + +"Must I?" said the housemaid, rising, on the whole with alacrity. +"What must be, must be, Miss Kimmeens. Your own poor Bella acts +according, though unwilling. But go or stay, your own poor Bella +loves you, Miss Kimmeens." + +It was certainly go, and not stay, for within five minutes Miss +Kimmeens's own poor Bella--so much improved in point of spirits as +to have grown almost sanguine on the subject of her brother-in-law-- +went her way, in apparel that seemed to have been expressly prepared +for some festive occasion. Such are the changes of this fleeting +world, and so short-sighted are we poor mortals! + +When the house door closed with a bang and a shake, it seemed to +Miss Kimmeens to be a very heavy house door, shutting her up in a +wilderness of a house. But, Miss Kimmeens being, as before stated, +of a self-reliant and methodical character, presently began to +parcel out the long summer-day before her. + +And first she thought she would go all over the house, to make quite +sure that nobody with a great-coat on and a carving-knife in it, had +got under one of the beds or into one of the cupboards. Not that +she had ever before been troubled by the image of anybody armed with +a great-coat and a carving-knife, but that it seemed to have been +shaken into existence by the shake and the bang of the great street- +door, reverberating through the solitary house. So, little Miss +Kimmeens looked under the five empty beds of the five departed +pupils, and looked, under her own bed, and looked under Miss +Pupford's bed, and looked under Miss Pupford's assistants bed. And +when she had done this, and was making the tour of the cupboards, +the disagreeable thought came into her young head, What a very +alarming thing it would be to find somebody with a mask on, like Guy +Fawkes, hiding bolt upright in a corner and pretending not to be +alive! However, Miss Kimmeens having finished her inspection +without making any such uncomfortable discovery, sat down in her +tidy little manner to needlework, and began stitching away at a +great rate. + +The silence all about her soon grew very oppressive, and the more so +because of the odd inconsistency that the more silent it was, the +more noises there were. The noise of her own needle and thread as +she stitched, was infinitely louder in her ears than the stitching +of all the six pupils, and of Miss Pupford, and of Miss Pupford's +assistant, all stitching away at once on a highly emulative +afternoon. Then, the schoolroom clock conducted itself in a way in +which it had never conducted itself before--fell lame, somehow, and +yet persisted in running on as hard and as loud as it could: the +consequence of which behaviour was, that it staggered among the +minutes in a state of the greatest confusion, and knocked them about +in all directions without appearing to get on with its regular work. +Perhaps this alarmed the stairs; but be that as it might, they began +to creak in a most unusual manner, and then the furniture began to +crack, and then poor little Miss Kimmeens, not liking the furtive +aspect of things in general, began to sing as she stitched. But, it +was not her own voice that she heard--it was somebody else making +believe to be Kitty, and singing excessively flat, without any +heart--so as that would never mend matters, she left off again. + +By-and-by the stitching became so palpable a failure that Miss Kitty +Kimmeens folded her work neatly, and put it away in its box, and +gave it up. Then the question arose about reading. But no; the +book that was so delightful when there was somebody she loved for +her eyes to fall on when they rose from the page, had not more heart +in it than her own singing now. The book went to its shelf as the +needlework had gone to its box, and, since something MUST be done-- +thought the child, "I'll go put my room to rights." + +She shared her room with her dearest little friend among the other +five pupils, and why then should she now conceive a lurking dread of +the little friend's bedstead? But she did. There was a stealthy +air about its innocent white curtains, and there were even dark +hints of a dead girl lying under the coverlet. The great want of +human company, the great need of a human face, began now to express +itself in the facility with which the furniture put on strange +exaggerated resemblances to human looks. A chair with a menacing +frown was horribly out of temper in a corner; a most vicious chest +of drawers snarled at her from between the windows. It was no +relief to escape from those monsters to the looking-glass, for the +reflection said, "What? Is that you all alone there? How you +stare!" And the background was all a great void stare as well. + +The day dragged on, dragging Kitty with it very slowly by the hair +of her head, until it was time to eat. There were good provisions +in the pantry, but their right flavour and relish had evaporated +with the five pupils, and Miss Pupford, and Miss Pupford's +assistant, and the cook and housemaid. Where was the use of laying +the cloth symmetrically for one small guest, who had gone on ever +since the morning growing smaller and smaller, while the empty house +had gone on swelling larger and larger? The very Grace came out +wrong, for who were "we" who were going to receive and be thankful? +So, Miss Kimmeens was NOT thankful, and found herself taking her +dinner in very slovenly style--gobbling it up, in short, rather +after the manner of the lower animals, not to particularise the +pigs. + +But, this was by no means the worst of the change wrought out in the +naturally loving and cheery little creature as the solitary day wore +on. She began to brood and be suspicious. She discovered that she +was full of wrongs and injuries. All the people she knew, got +tainted by her lonely thoughts and turned bad. + +It was all very well for Papa, a widower in India, to send her home +to be educated, and to pay a handsome round sum every year for her +to Miss Pupford, and to write charming letters to his darling little +daughter; but what did he care for her being left by herself, when +he was (as no doubt he always was) enjoying himself in company from +morning till night? Perhaps he only sent her here, after all, to +get her out of the way. It looked like it--looked like it to-day, +that is, for she had never dreamed of such a thing before. + +And this old pupil who was being married. It was unsupportably +conceited and selfish in the old pupil to be married. She was very +vain, and very glad to show off; but it was highly probable that she +wasn't pretty; and even if she were pretty (which Miss Kimmeens now +totally denied), she had no business to be married; and, even if +marriage were conceded, she had no business to ask Miss Pupford to +her wedding. As to Miss Pupford, she was too old to go to any +wedding. She ought to know that. She had much better attend to her +business. She had thought she looked nice in the morning, but she +didn't look nice. She was a stupid old thing. G was another stupid +old thing. Miss Pupford's assistant was another. They were all +stupid old things together. + +More than that: it began to be obvious that this was a plot. They +had said to one another, "Never mind Kitty; you get off, and I'll +get off; and we'll leave Kitty to look after herself. Who cares for +her?" To be sure they were right in that question; for who DID care +for her, a poor little lonely thing against whom they all planned +and plotted? Nobody, nobody! Here Kitty sobbed. + +At all other times she was the pet of the whole house, and loved her +five companions in return with a child's tenderest and most +ingenuous attachment; but now, the five companions put on ugly +colours, and appeared for the first time under a sullen cloud. +There they were, all at their homes that day, being made much of, +being taken out, being spoilt and made disagreeable, and caring +nothing for her. It was like their artful selfishness always to +tell her when they came back, under pretence of confidence and +friendship, all those details about where they had been, and what +they had done and seen, and how often they had said, "O! If we had +only darling little Kitty here!" Here indeed! I dare say! When +they came back after the holidays, they were used to being received +by Kitty, and to saying that coming to Kitty was like coming to +another home. Very well then, why did they go away? If the meant +it, why did they go away? Let them answer that. But they didn't +mean it, and couldn't answer that, and they didn't tell the truth, +and people who didn't tell the truth were hateful. When they came +back next time, they should be received in a new manner; they should +be avoided and shunned. + +And there, the while she sat all alone revolving how ill she was +used, and how much better she was than the people who were not +alone, the wedding breakfast was going on: no question of it! With +a nasty great bride-cake, and with those ridiculous orange-flowers, +and with that conceited bride, and that hideous bridegroom, and +those heartless bridesmaids, and Miss Pupford stuck up at the table! +They thought they were enjoying themselves, but it would come home +to them one day to have thought so. They would all be dead in a few +years, let them enjoy themselves ever so much. It was a religious +comfort to know that. + +It was such a comfort to know it, that little Miss Kitty Kimmeens +suddenly sprang from the chair in which she had been musing in a +corner, and cried out, "O those envious thoughts are not mine, O +this wicked creature isn't me! Help me, somebody! I go wrong, +alone by my weak self! Help me, anybody!" + + +"--Miss Kimmeens is not a professed philosopher, sir," said Mr. +Traveller, presenting her at the barred window, and smoothing her +shining hair, "but I apprehend there was some tincture of philosophy +in her words, and in the prompt action with which she followed them. +That action was, to emerge from her unnatural solitude, and look +abroad for wholesome sympathy, to bestow and to receive. Her +footsteps strayed to this gate, bringing her here by chance, as an +apposite contrast to you. The child came out, sir. If you have the +wisdom to learn from a child (but I doubt it, for that requires more +wisdom than one in your condition would seem to possess), you cannot +do better than imitate the child, and come out too--from that very +demoralising hutch of yours." + + + +CHAPTER VII--PICKING UP THE TINKER + + + +It was now sunset. The Hermit had betaken himself to his bed of +cinders half an hour ago, and lying on it in his blanket and skewer +with his back to the window, took not the smallest heed of the +appeal addressed to him. + +All that had been said for the last two hours, had been said to a +tinkling accompaniment performed by the Tinker, who had got to work +upon some villager's pot or kettle, and was working briskly outside. +This music still continuing, seemed to put it into Mr. Traveller's +mind to have another word or two with the Tinker. So, holding Miss +Kimmeens (with whom he was now on the most friendly terms) by the +hand, he went out at the gate to where the Tinker was seated at his +work on the patch of grass on the opposite side of the road, with +his wallet of tools open before him, and his little fire smoking. + +"I am glad to see you employed," said Mr. Traveller. + +"I am glad to BE employed," returned the Tinker, looking up as he +put the finishing touches to his job. "But why are you glad?" + +I thought you were a lazy fellow when I saw you this morning." + +"I was only disgusted," said the Tinker. + +"Do you mean with the fine weather?" + +"With the fine weather?" repeated the Tinker, staring. + +"You told me you were not particular as to weather, and I thought--" + +"Ha, ha! How should such as me get on, if we WAS particular as to +weather? We must take it as it comes, and make the best of it. +There's something good in all weathers. If it don't happen to be +good for my work to-day, it's good for some other man's to-day, and +will come round to me to-morrow. We must all live." + +"Pray shake hands," said Mr. Traveller. + +"Take care, sir," was the Tinker's caution, as he reached up his +hand in surprise; "the black comes off." + +"I am glad of it," said Mr. Traveller. "I have been for several +hours among other black that does not come off." + +"You are speaking of Tom in there?" + +"Yes." + +"Well now," said the Tinker, blowing the dust off his job: which +was finished. "Ain't it enough to disgust a pig, if he could give +his mind to it?" + +"If he could give his mind to it," returned the other, smiling, "the +probability is that he wouldn't be a pig." + +"There you clench the nail," returned the Tinker. "Then what's to +be said for Tom?" + +"Truly, very little." + +"Truly nothing you mean, sir," said the Tinker, as he put away his +tools. + +"A better answer, and (I freely acknowledge) my meaning. I infer +that he was the cause of your disgust?" + +"Why, look'ee here, sir," said the Tinker, rising to his feet, and +wiping his face on the corner of his black apron energetically; "I +leave you to judge!--I ask you!--Last night I has a job that needs +to be done in the night, and I works all night. Well, there's +nothing in that. But this morning I comes along this road here, +looking for a sunny and soft spot to sleep in, and I sees this +desolation and ruination. I've lived myself in desolation and +ruination; I knows many a fellow-creetur that's forced to live life +long in desolation and ruination; and I sits me down and takes pity +on it, as I casts my eyes about. Then comes up the long-winded one +as I told you of, from that gate, and spins himself out like a +silkworm concerning the Donkey (if my Donkey at home will excuse me) +as has made it all--made it of his own choice! And tells me, if you +please, of his likewise choosing to go ragged and naked, and grimy-- +maskerading, mountebanking, in what is the real hard lot of +thousands and thousands! Why, then I say it's a unbearable and +nonsensical piece of inconsistency, and I'm disgusted. I'm ashamed +and disgusted!" + +"I wish you would come and look at him," said Mr. Traveller, +clapping the Tinker on the shoulder. + +"Not I, sir," he rejoined. "I ain't a going to flatter him up by +looking at him!" + +"But he is asleep." + +"Are you sure he is asleep?" asked the Tinker, with an unwilling +air, as he shouldered his wallet. + +"Sure." + +"Then I'll look at him for a quarter of a minute," said the Tinker, +"since you so much wish it; but not a moment longer." + +They all three went back across the road; and, through the barred +window, by the dying glow of the sunset coming in at the gate--which +the child held open for its admission--he could be pretty clearly +discerned lying on his bed. + +"You see him?" asked Mr. Traveller. + +"Yes," returned the Tinker, "and he's worse than I thought him." + +Mr. Traveller then whispered in few words what he had done since +morning; and asked the Tinker what he thought of that? + +"I think," returned the Tinker, as he turned from the window, "that +you've wasted a day on him." + +"I think so too; though not, I hope, upon myself. Do you happen to +be going anywhere near the Peal of Bells?" + +"That's my direct way, sir," said the Tinker. + +"I invite you to supper there. And as I learn from this young lady +that she goes some three-quarters of a mile in the same direction, +we will drop her on the road, and we will spare time to keep her +company at her garden gate until her own Bella comes home." + +So, Mr. Traveller, and the child, and the Tinker, went along very +amicably in the sweet-scented evening; and the moral with which the +Tinker dismissed the subject was, that he said in his trade that +metal that rotted for want of use, had better be left to rot, and +couldn't rot too soon, considering how much true metal rotted from +over-use and hard service. + + + +Footnotes: + +{1} Dickens didn't write chapters 2 to 5 and they are omitted in +this edition. + + + + + +End of The Project Gutenberg Etext of Tom Tiddler's Ground, by Dickens + diff --git a/old/ttgnd10.zip b/old/ttgnd10.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..5ce62a6 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/ttgnd10.zip |