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diff --git a/1413.txt b/1413.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2cdb685 --- /dev/null +++ b/1413.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1486 @@ +The Project Gutenberg eBook, Tom Tiddler's Ground, by Charles Dickens + + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + + + + +Title: Tom Tiddler's Ground + + +Author: Charles Dickens + +Release Date: April 3, 2005 [eBook #1413] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TOM TIDDLER'S GROUND*** + + + + + +Transcribed from the 1894 Chapman and Hall "Christmas Stories" edition by +David Price, email ccx074@coventry.ac.uk + + + + + +TOM TIDDLER'S GROUND + + +CHAPTER I--PICKING UP SOOT AND CINDERS + + +"And why Tom Tiddler's ground?" said the Traveller. + +"Because he scatters halfpence to Tramps and such-like," returned the +Landlord, "and of course they pick 'em up. And this being done on his +own land (which it _is_ his own land, you observe, and were his family's +before him), why it is but regarding the halfpence as gold and silver, +and turning the ownership of the property a bit round your finger, and +there you have the name of the children's game complete. And it's +appropriate too," said the Landlord, with his favourite action of +stooping a little, to look across the table out of window at vacancy, +under the window-blind which was half drawn down. "Leastwise it has been +so considered by many gentlemen which have partook of chops and tea in +the present humble parlour." + +The Traveller was partaking of chops and tea in the present humble +parlour, and the Landlord's shot was fired obliquely at him. + +"And you call him a Hermit?" said the Traveller. + +"They call him such," returned the Landlord, evading personal +responsibility; "he is in general so considered." + +"What _is_ a Hermit?" asked the Traveller. + +"What is it?" repeated the Landlord, drawing his hand across his chin. + +"Yes, what is it?" + +The Landlord stooped again, to get a more comprehensive view of vacancy +under the window-blind, and--with an asphyxiated appearance on him as one +unaccustomed to definition--made no answer. + +"I'll tell you what I suppose it to be," said the Traveller. "An +abominably dirty thing." + +"Mr. Mopes is dirty, it cannot be denied," said the Landlord. + +"Intolerably conceited." + +"Mr. Mopes is vain of the life he leads, some do say," replied the +Landlord, as another concession. + +"A slothful, unsavoury, nasty reversal of the laws of human mature," said +the Traveller; "and for the sake of GOD'S working world and its +wholesomeness, both moral and physical, I would put the thing on the +treadmill (if I had my way) wherever I found it; whether on a pillar, or +in a hole; whether on Tom Tiddler's ground, or the Pope of Rome's ground, +or a Hindoo fakeer's ground, or any other ground." + +"I don't know about putting Mr. Mopes on the treadmill," said the +Landlord, shaking his head very seriously. "There ain't a doubt but what +he has got landed property." + +"How far may it be to this said Tom Tiddler's ground?" asked the +Traveller. + +"Put it at five mile," returned the Landlord. + +"Well! When I have done my breakfast," said the Traveller, "I'll go +there. I came over here this morning, to find it out and see it." + +"Many does," observed the Landlord. + +The conversation passed, in the Midsummer weather of no remote year of +grace, down among the pleasant dales and trout-streams of a green English +county. No matter what county. Enough that you may hunt there, shoot +there, fish there, traverse long grass-grown Roman roads there, open +ancient barrows there, see many a square mile of richly cultivated land +there, and hold Arcadian talk with a bold peasantry, their country's +pride, who will tell you (if you want to know) how pastoral housekeeping +is done on nine shillings a week. + +Mr. Traveller sat at his breakfast in the little sanded parlour of the +Peal of Bells village alehouse, with the dew and dust of an early walk +upon his shoes--an early walk by road and meadow and coppice, that had +sprinkled him bountifully with little blades of grass, and scraps of new +hay, and with leaves both young and old, and with other such fragrant +tokens of the freshness and wealth of summer. The window through which +the landlord had concentrated his gaze upon vacancy was shaded, because +the morning sun was hot and bright on the village street. The village +street was like most other village streets: wide for its height, silent +for its size, and drowsy in the dullest degree. The quietest little +dwellings with the largest of window-shutters (to shut up Nothing as +carefully as if it were the Mint, or the Bank of England) had called in +the Doctor's house so suddenly, that his brass door-plate and three +stories stood among them as conspicuous and different as the doctor +himself in his broadcloth, among the smock-frocks of his patients. The +village residences seemed to have gone to law with a similar absence of +consideration, for a score of weak little lath-and-plaster cabins clung +in confusion about the Attorney's red-brick house, which, with glaring +door-steps and a most terrific scraper, seemed to serve all manner of +ejectments upon them. They were as various as labourers--high-shouldered, +wry-necked, one-eyed, goggle-eyed, squinting, bow-legged, knock-knee'd, +rheumatic, crazy. Some of the small tradesmen's houses, such as the +crockery-shop and the harness-maker, had a Cyclops window in the middle +of the gable, within an inch or two of its apex, suggesting that some +forlorn rural Prentice must wriggle himself into that apartment +horizontally, when he retired to rest, after the manner of the worm. So +bountiful in its abundance was the surrounding country, and so lean and +scant the village, that one might have thought the village had sown and +planted everything it once possessed, to convert the same into crops. +This would account for the bareness of the little shops, the bareness of +the few boards and trestles designed for market purposes in a corner of +the street, the bareness of the obsolete Inn and Inn Yard, with the +ominous inscription "Excise Office" not yet faded out from the gateway, +as indicating the very last thing that poverty could get rid of. This +would also account for the determined abandonment of the village by one +stray dog, fast lessening in the perspective where the white posts and +the pond were, and would explain his conduct on the hypothesis that he +was going (through the act of suicide) to convert himself into manure, +and become a part proprietor in turnips or mangold-wurzel. + +Mr. Traveller having finished his breakfast and paid his moderate score, +walked out to the threshold of the Peal of Bells, and, thence directed by +the pointing finger of his host, betook himself towards the ruined +hermitage of Mr. Mopes the hermit. + +For, Mr. Mopes, by suffering everything about him to go to ruin, and by +dressing himself in a blanket and skewer, and by steeping himself in soot +and grease and other nastiness, had acquired great renown in all that +country-side--far greater renown than he could ever have won for himself, +if his career had been that of any ordinary Christian, or decent +Hottentot. He had even blanketed and skewered and sooted and greased +himself, into the London papers. And it was curious to find, as Mr. +Traveller found by stopping for a new direction at this farm-house or at +that cottage as he went along, with how much accuracy the morbid Mopes +had counted on the weakness of his neighbours to embellish him. A mist +of home-brewed marvel and romance surrounded Mopes, in which (as in all +fogs) the real proportions of the real object were extravagantly +heightened. He had murdered his beautiful beloved in a fit of jealousy +and was doing penance; he had made a vow under the influence of grief; he +had made a vow under the influence of a fatal accident; he had made a vow +under the influence of religion; he had made a vow under the influence of +drink; he had made a vow under the influence of disappointment; he had +never made any vow, but "had got led into it" by the possession of a +mighty and most awful secret; he was enormously rich, he was stupendously +charitable, he was profoundly learned, he saw spectres, he knew and could +do all kinds of wonders. Some said he went out every night, and was met +by terrified wayfarers stalking along dark roads, others said he never +went out, some knew his penance to be nearly expired, others had positive +information that his seclusion was not a penance at all, and would never +expire but with himself. Even, as to the easy facts of how old he was, +or how long he had held verminous occupation of his blanket and skewer, +no consistent information was to be got, from those who must know if they +would. He was represented as being all the ages between five-and-twenty +and sixty, and as having been a hermit seven years, twelve, twenty, +thirty,--though twenty, on the whole, appeared the favourite term. + +"Well, well!" said Mr. Traveller. "At any rate, let us see what a real +live Hermit looks like." + +So, Mr. Traveller went on, and on, and on, until he came to Tom Tiddler's +Ground. + +It was a nook in a rustic by-road, which the genius of Mopes had laid +waste as completely, as if he had been born an Emperor and a Conqueror. +Its centre object was a dwelling-house, sufficiently substantial, all the +window-glass of which had been long ago abolished by the surprising +genius of Mopes, and all the windows of which were barred across with +rough-split logs of trees nailed over them on the outside. A rickyard, +hip-high in vegetable rankness and ruin, contained outbuildings from +which the thatch had lightly fluttered away, on all the winds of all the +seasons of the year, and from which the planks and beams had heavily +dropped and rotted. The frosts and damps of winter, and the heats of +summer, had warped what wreck remained, so that not a post or a board +retained the position it was meant to hold, but everything was twisted +from its purpose, like its owner, and degraded and debased. In this +homestead of the sluggard, behind the ruined hedge, and sinking away +among the ruined grass and the nettles, were the last perishing fragments +of certain ricks: which had gradually mildewed and collapsed, until they +looked like mounds of rotten honeycomb, or dirty sponge. Tom Tiddler's +ground could even show its ruined water; for, there was a slimy pond into +which a tree or two had fallen--one soppy trunk and branches lay across +it then--which in its accumulation of stagnant weed, and in its black +decomposition, and in all its foulness and filth, was almost comforting, +regarded as the only water that could have reflected the shameful place +without seeming polluted by that low office. + +Mr. Traveller looked all around him on Tom Tiddler's ground, and his +glance at last encountered a dusky Tinker lying among the weeds and rank +grass, in the shade of the dwelling-house. A rough walking-staff lay on +the ground by his side, and his head rested on a small wallet. He met +Mr. Traveller's eye without lifting up his head, merely depressing his +chin a little (for he was lying on his back) to get a better view of him. + +"Good day!" said Mr. Traveller. + +"Same to you, if you like it," returned the Tinker. + +"Don't _you_ like it? It's a very fine day." + +"I ain't partickler in weather," returned the Tinker, with a yawn. + +Mr. Traveller had walked up to where he lay, and was looking down at him. +"This is a curious place," said Mr. Traveller. + +"Ay, I suppose so!" returned the Tinker. "Tom Tiddler's ground, they +call this." + +"Are you well acquainted with it?" + +"Never saw it afore to-day," said the Tinker, with another yawn, "and +don't care if I never see it again. There was a man here just now, told +me what it was called. If you want to see Tom himself, you must go in at +that gate." He faintly indicated with his chin a little mean ruin of a +wooden gate at the side of the house. + +"Have you seen Tom?" + +"No, and I ain't partickler to see him. I can see a dirty man anywhere." + +"He does not live in the house, then?" said Mr. Traveller, casting his +eyes upon the house anew. + +"The man said," returned the Tinker, rather irritably,--"him as was here +just now, 'this what you're a laying on, mate, is Tom Tiddler's ground. +And if you want to see Tom,' he says, 'you must go in at that gate.' The +man come out at that gate himself, and he ought to know." + +"Certainly," said Mr. Traveller. + +"Though, perhaps," exclaimed the Tinker, so struck by the brightness of +his own idea, that it had the electric effect upon him of causing him to +lift up his head an inch or so, "perhaps he was a liar! He told some rum +'uns--him as was here just now, did about this place of Tom's. He +says--him as was here just now--'When Tom shut up the house, mate, to go +to rack, the beds was left, all made, like as if somebody was a-going to +sleep in every bed. And if you was to walk through the bedrooms now, +you'd see the ragged mouldy bedclothes a heaving and a heaving like seas. +And a heaving and a heaving with what?' he says. 'Why, with the rats +under 'em.'" + +"I wish I had seen that man," Mr. Traveller remarked. + +"You'd have been welcome to see him instead of me seeing him," growled +the Tinker; "for he was a long-winded one." + +Not without a sense of injury in the remembrance, the Tinker gloomily +closed his eyes. Mr. Traveller, deeming the Tinker a short-winded one, +from whom no further breath of information was to be derived, betook +himself to the gate. + +Swung upon its rusty hinges, it admitted him into a yard in which there +was nothing to be seen but an outhouse attached to the ruined building, +with a barred window in it. As there were traces of many recent +footsteps under this window, and as it was a low window, and unglazed, +Mr. Traveller made bold to peep within the bars. And there to be sure he +had a real live Hermit before him, and could judge how the real dead +Hermits used to look. + +He was lying on a bank of soot and cinders, on the floor, in front of a +rusty fireplace. There was nothing else in the dark little kitchen, or +scullery, or whatever his den had been originally used as, but a table +with a litter of old bottles on it. A rat made a clatter among these +bottles, jumped down, and ran over the real live Hermit on his way to his +hole, or the man in _his_ hole would not have been so easily discernible. +Tickled in the face by the rat's tail, the owner of Tom Tiddler's ground +opened his eyes, saw Mr. Traveller, started up, and sprang to the window. + +"Humph!" thought Mr. Traveller, retiring a pace or two from the bars. "A +compound of Newgate, Bedlam, a Debtors' Prison in the worst time, a +chimney-sweep, a mudlark, and the Noble Savage! A nice old family, the +Hermit family. Hah!" + +Mr. Traveller thought this, as he silently confronted the sooty object in +the blanket and skewer (in sober truth it wore nothing else), with the +matted hair and the staring eyes. Further, Mr. Traveller thought, as the +eye surveyed him with a very obvious curiosity in ascertaining the effect +they produced, "Vanity, vanity, vanity! Verily, all is vanity!" + +"What is your name, sir, and where do you come from?" asked Mr. Mopes the +Hermit--with an air of authority, but in the ordinary human speech of one +who has been to school. + +Mr. Traveller answered the inquiries. + +"Did you come here, sir, to see _me_?" + +"I did. I heard of you, and I came to see you.--I know you like to be +seen." Mr. Traveller coolly threw the last words in, as a matter of +course, to forestall an affectation of resentment or objection that he +saw rising beneath the grease and grime of the face. They had their +effect. + +"So," said the Hermit, after a momentary silence, unclasping the bars by +which he had previously held, and seating himself behind them on the +ledge of the window, with his bare legs and feet crouched up, "you know I +like to be seen?" + +Mr. Traveller looked about him for something to sit on, and, observing a +billet of wood in a corner, brought it near the window. Deliberately +seating himself upon it, he answered, "Just so." + +Each looked at the other, and each appeared to take some pains to get the +measure of the other. + +"Then you have come to ask me why I lead this life," said the Hermit, +frowning in a stormy manner. "I never tell that to any human being. I +will not be asked that." + +"Certainly you will not be asked that by me," said Mr. Traveller, "for I +have not the slightest desire to know." + +"You are an uncouth man," said Mr. Mopes the Hermit. + +"You are another," said Mr. Traveller. + +The Hermit, who was plainly in the habit of overawing his visitors with +the novelty of his filth and his blanket and skewer, glared at his +present visitor in some discomfiture and surprise: as if he had taken aim +at him with a sure gun, and his piece had missed fire. + +"Why do you come here at all?" he asked, after a pause. + +"Upon my life," said Mr. Traveller, "I was made to ask myself that very +question only a few minutes ago--by a Tinker too." + +As he glanced towards the gate in saying it, the Hermit glanced in that +direction likewise. + +"Yes. He is lying on his back in the sunlight outside," said Mr, +Traveller, as if he had been asked concerning the man, "and he won't come +in; for he says--and really very reasonably--'What should I come in for? +I can see a dirty man anywhere.'" + +"You are an insolent person. Go away from my premises. Go!" said the +Hermit, in an imperious and angry tone. + +"Come, come!" returned Mr. Traveller, quite undisturbed. "This is a +little too much. You are not going to call yourself clean? Look at your +legs. And as to these being your premises:--they are in far too +disgraceful a condition to claim any privilege of ownership, or anything +else." + +The Hermit bounced down from his window-ledge, and cast himself on his +bed of soot and cinders. + +"I am not going," said Mr. Traveller, glancing in after him; "you won't +get rid of me in that way. You had better come and talk." + +"I won't talk," said the Hermit, flouncing round to get his back towards +the window. + +"Then I will," said Mr. Traveller. "Why should you take it ill that I +have no curiosity to know why you live this highly absurd and highly +indecent life? When I contemplate a man in a state of disease, surely +there is no moral obligation on me to be anxious to know how he took it." + +After a short silence, the Hermit bounced up again, and came back to the +barred window. + +"What? You are not gone?" he said, affecting to have supposed that he +was. + +"Nor going," Mr. Traveller replied: "I design to pass this summer day +here." + +"How dare you come, sir, upon my promises--" the Hermit was returning, +when his visitor interrupted him. + +"Really, you know, you must _not_ talk about your premises. I cannot +allow such a place as this to be dignified with the name of premises." + +"How dare you," said the Hermit, shaking his bars, "come in at my gate, +to taunt me with being in a diseased state?" + +"Why, Lord bless my soul," returned the other, very composedly, "you have +not the face to say that you are in a wholesome state? Do allow me again +to call your attention to your legs. Scrape yourself anywhere--with +anything--and then tell me you are in a wholesome state. The fact is, +Mr. Mopes, that you are not only a Nuisance--" + +"A Nuisance?" repeated the Hermit, fiercely. + +"What is a place in this obscene state of dilapidation but a Nuisance? +What is a man in your obscene state of dilapidation but a Nuisance? Then, +as you very well know, you cannot do without an audience, and your +audience is a Nuisance. You attract all the disreputable vagabonds and +prowlers within ten miles around, by exhibiting yourself to them in that +objectionable blanket, and by throwing copper money among them, and +giving them drink out of those very dirty jars and bottles that I see in +there (their stomachs need be strong!); and in short," said Mr. +Traveller, summing up in a quietly and comfortably settled manner, "you +are a Nuisance, and this kennel is a Nuisance, and the audience that you +cannot possibly dispense with is a Nuisance, and the Nuisance is not +merely a local Nuisance, because it is a general Nuisance to know that +there _can be_ such a Nuisance left in civilisation so very long after +its time." + +"Will you go away? I have a gun in here," said the Hermit. + +"Pooh!" + +"I _have_!" + +"Now, I put it to you. Did I say you had not? And as to going away, +didn't I say I am not going away? You have made me forget where I was. I +now remember that I was remarking on your conduct being a Nuisance. +Moreover, it is in the last and lowest degree inconsequent foolishness +and weakness." + +"Weakness?" echoed the Hermit. + +"Weakness," said Mr. Traveller, with his former comfortably settled final +air. + +"I weak, you fool?" cried the Hermit, "I, who have held to my purpose, +and my diet, and my only bed there, all these years?" + +"The more the years, the weaker you," returned Mr. Traveller. "Though +the years are not so many as folks say, and as you willingly take credit +for. The crust upon your face is thick and dark, Mr. Mopes, but I can +see enough of you through it, to see that you are still a young man." + +"Inconsequent foolishness is lunacy, I suppose?" said the Hermit. + +"I suppose it is very like it," answered Mr. Traveller. + +"Do I converse like a lunatic?" + +"One of us two must have a strong presumption against him of being one, +whether or no. Either the clean and decorously clad man, or the dirty +and indecorously clad man. I don't say which." + +"Why, you self-sufficient bear," said the Hermit, "not a day passes but I +am justified in my purpose by the conversations I hold here; not a day +passes but I am shown, by everything I hear and see here, how right and +strong I am in holding my purpose." + +Mr. Traveller, lounging easily on his billet of wood, took out a pocket +pipe and began to fill it. "Now, that a man," he said, appealing to the +summer sky as he did so, "that a man--even behind bars, in a blanket and +skewer--should tell me that he can see, from day to day, any orders or +conditions of men, women, or children, who can by any possibility teach +him that it is anything but the miserablest drivelling for a human +creature to quarrel with his social nature--not to go so far as to say, +to renounce his common human decency, for that is an extreme case; or who +can teach him that he can in any wise separate himself from his kind and +the habits of his kind, without becoming a deteriorated spectacle +calculated to give the Devil (and perhaps the monkeys) pleasure,--is +something wonderful! I repeat," said Mr. Traveller, beginning to smoke, +"the unreasoning hardihood of it is something wonderful--even in a man +with the dirt upon him an inch or two thick--behind bars--in a blanket +and skewer!" + +The Hermit looked at him irresolutely, and retired to his soot and +cinders and lay down, and got up again and came to the bars, and again +looked at him irresolutely, and finally said with sharpness: "I don't +like tobacco." + +"I don't like dirt," rejoined Mr. Traveller; "tobacco is an excellent +disinfectant. We shall both be the better for my pipe. It is my +intention to sit here through this summer day, until that blessed summer +sun sinks low in the west, and to show you what a poor creature you are, +through the lips of every chance wayfarer who may come in at your gate." + +"What do you mean?" inquired the Hermit, with a furious air. + +"I mean that yonder is your gate, and there are you, and here am I; I +mean that I know it to be a moral impossibility that any person can stray +in at that gate from any point of the compass, with any sort of +experience, gained at first hand, or derived from another, that can +confute me and justify you." + +"You are an arrogant and boastful hero," said the Hermit. "You think +yourself profoundly wise." + +"Bah!" returned Mr. Traveller, quietly smoking. "There is little wisdom +in knowing that every man must be up and doing, and that all mankind are +made dependent on one another." + +"You have companions outside," said the Hermit. "I am not to be imposed +upon by your assumed confidence in the people who may enter." + +"A depraved distrust," returned the visitor, compassionately raising his +eyebrows, "of course belongs to your state, I can't help that." + +"Do you mean to tell me you have no confederates?" + +"I mean to tell you nothing but what I have told you. What I have told +you is, that it is a moral impossibility that any son or daughter of Adam +can stand on this ground that I put my foot on, or on any ground that +mortal treads, and gainsay the healthy tenure on which we hold our +existence." + +"Which is," sneered the Hermit, "according to you--" + +"Which is," returned the other, "according to Eternal Providence, that we +must arise and wash our faces and do our gregarious work and act and re- +act on one another, leaving only the idiot and the palsied to sit +blinking in the corner. Come!" apostrophising the gate. "Open Sesame! +Show his eyes and grieve his heart! I don't care who comes, for I know +what must come of it!" + +With that, he faced round a little on his billet of wood towards the +gate; and Mr. Mopes, the Hermit, after two or three ridiculous bounces of +indecision at his bed and back again, submitted to what he could not help +himself against, and coiled himself on his window-ledge, holding to his +bars and looking out rather anxiously. + + + + +CHAPTER VI--PICKING UP MISS KIMMEENS {1} + + +The day was by this time waning, when the gate again opened, and, with +the brilliant golden light that streamed from the declining sun and +touched the very bars of the sooty creature's den, there passed in a +little child; a little girl with beautiful bright hair. She wore a plain +straw hat, had a door-key in her hand, and tripped towards Mr. Traveller +as if she were pleased to see him and were going to repose some childish +confidence in him, when she caught sight of the figure behind the bars, +and started back in terror. + +"Don't be alarmed, darling!" said Mr. Traveller, taking her by the hand. + +"Oh, but I don't like it!" urged the shrinking child; "it's dreadful." + +"Well! I don't like it either," said Mr. Traveller. + +"Who has put it there?" asked the little girl. "Does it bite?" + +"No,--only barks. But can't you make up your mind to see it, my dear?" +For she was covering her eyes. + +"O no no no!" returned the child. "I cannot bear to look at it!" + +Mr. Traveller turned his head towards his friend in there, as much as to +ask him how he liked that instance of his success, and then took the +child out at the still open gate, and stood talking to her for some half +an hour in the mellow sunlight. At length he returned, encouraging her +as she held his arm with both her hands; and laying his protecting hand +upon her head and smoothing her pretty hair, he addressed his friend +behind the bars as follows: + +* * * * * + +Miss Pupford's establishment for six young ladies of tender years, is an +establishment of a compact nature, an establishment in miniature, quite a +pocket establishment. Miss Pupford, Miss Pupford's assistant with the +Parisian accent, Miss Pupford's cook, and Miss Pupford's housemaid, +complete what Miss Pupford calls the educational and domestic staff of +her Lilliputian College. + +Miss Pupford is one of the most amiable of her sex; it necessarily +follows that she possesses a sweet temper, and would own to the +possession of a great deal of sentiment if she considered it quite +reconcilable with her duty to parents. Deeming it not in the bond, Miss +Pupford keeps it as far out of sight as she can--which (God bless her!) +is not very far. + +Miss Pupford's assistant with the Parisian accent, may be regarded as in +some sort an inspired lady, for she never conversed with a Parisian, and +was never out of England--except once in the pleasure-boat Lively, in the +foreign waters that ebb and flow two miles off Margate at high water. +Even under those geographically favourable circumstances for the +acquisition of the French language in its utmost politeness and purity, +Miss Pupford's assistant did not fully profit by the opportunity; for the +pleasure-boat, Lively, so strongly asserted its title to its name on that +occasion, that she was reduced to the condition of lying in the bottom of +the boat pickling in brine--as if she were being salted down for the use +of the Navy--undergoing at the same time great mental alarm, corporeal +distress, and clear-starching derangement. + +When Miss Pupford and her assistant first foregathered, is not known to +men, or pupils. But, it was long ago. A belief would have established +itself among pupils that the two once went to school together, were it +not for the difficulty and audacity of imagining Miss Pupford born +without mittens, and without a front, and without a bit of gold wire +among her front teeth, and without little dabs of powder on her neat +little face and nose. Indeed, whenever Miss Pupford gives a little +lecture on the mythology of the misguided heathens (always carefully +excluding Cupid from recognition), and tells how Minerva sprang, +perfectly equipped, from the brain of Jupiter, she is half supposed to +hint, "So I myself came into the world, completely up in Pinnock, +Mangnall, Tables, and the use of the Globes." + +Howbeit, Miss Pupford and Miss Pupford's assistant are old old friends. +And it is thought by pupils that, after pupils are gone to bed, they even +call one another by their christian names in the quiet little parlour. +For, once upon a time on a thunderous afternoon, when Miss Pupford +fainted away without notice, Miss Pupford's assistant (never heard, +before or since, to address her otherwise than as Miss Pupford) ran to +her, crying out, "My dearest Euphemia!" And Euphemia is Miss Pupford's +christian name on the sampler (date picked out) hanging up in the College- +hall, where the two peacocks, terrified to death by some German text that +is waddling down-hill after them out of a cottage, are scuttling away to +hide their profiles in two immense bean-stalks growing out of +flower-pots. + +Also, there is a notion latent among pupils, that Miss Pupford was once +in love, and that the beloved object still moves upon this ball. Also, +that he is a public character, and a personage of vast consequence. Also, +that Miss Pupford's assistant knows all about it. For, sometimes of an +afternoon when Miss Pupford has been reading the paper through her little +gold eye-glass (it is necessary to read it on the spot, as the boy calls +for it, with ill-conditioned punctuality, in an hour), she has become +agitated, and has said to her assistant "G!" Then Miss Pupford's +assistant has gone to Miss Pupford, and Miss Pupford has pointed out, +with her eye-glass, G in the paper, and then Miss Pupford's assistant has +read about G, and has shown sympathy. So stimulated has the pupil-mind +been in its time to curiosity on the subject of G, that once, under +temporary circumstances favourable to the bold sally, one fearless pupil +did actually obtain possession of the paper, and range all over it in +search of G, who had been discovered therein by Miss Pupford not ten +minutes before. But no G could be identified, except one capital +offender who had been executed in a state of great hardihood, and it was +not to be supposed that Miss Pupford could ever have loved _him_. +Besides, he couldn't be always being executed. Besides, he got into the +paper again, alive, within a month. + +On the whole, it is suspected by the pupil-mind that G is a short chubby +old gentleman, with little black sealing-wax boots up to his knees, whom +a sharply observant pupil, Miss Linx, when she once went to Tunbridge +Wells with Miss Pupford for the holidays, reported on her return +(privately and confidentially) to have seen come capering up to Miss +Pupford on the Promenade, and to have detected in the act of squeezing +Miss Pupford's hand, and to have heard pronounce the words, "Cruel +Euphemia, ever thine!"--or something like that. Miss Linx hazarded a +guess that he might be House of Commons, or Money Market, or Court +Circular, or Fashionable Movements; which would account for his getting +into the paper so often. But, it was fatally objected by the pupil-mind, +that none of those notabilities could possibly be spelt with a G. + +There are other occasions, closely watched and perfectly comprehended by +the pupil-mind, when Miss Pupford imparts with mystery to her assistant +that there is special excitement in the morning paper. These occasions +are, when Miss Pupford finds an old pupil coming out under the head of +Births, or Marriages. Affectionate tears are invariably seen in Miss +Pupford's meek little eyes when this is the case; and the pupil-mind, +perceiving that its order has distinguished itself--though the fact is +never mentioned by Miss Pupford--becomes elevated, and feels that it +likewise is reserved for greatness. + +Miss Pupford's assistant with the Parisian accent has a little more bone +than Miss Pupford, but is of the same trim orderly diminutive cast, and, +from long contemplation, admiration, and imitation of Miss Pupford, has +grown like her. Being entirely devoted to Miss Pupford, and having a +pretty talent for pencil-drawing, she once made a portrait of that lady: +which was so instantly identified and hailed by the pupils, that it was +done on stone at five shillings. Surely the softest and milkiest stone +that ever was quarried, received that likeness of Miss Pupford! The +lines of her placid little nose are so undecided in it that strangers to +the work of art are observed to be exceedingly perplexed as to where the +nose goes to, and involuntarily feel their own noses in a disconcerted +manner. Miss Pupford being represented in a state of dejection at an +open window, ruminating over a bowl of gold fish, the pupil-mind has +settled that the bowl was presented by G, and that he wreathed the bowl +with flowers of soul, and that Miss Pupford is depicted as waiting for +him on a memorable occasion when he was behind his time. + +The approach of the last Midsummer holidays had a particular interest for +the pupil-mind, by reason of its knowing that Miss Pupford was bidden, on +the second day of those holidays, to the nuptials of a former pupil. As +it was impossible to conceal the fact--so extensive were the dress-making +preparations--Miss Pupford openly announced it. But, she held it due to +parents to make the announcement with an air of gentle melancholy, as if +marriage were (as indeed it exceptionally has been) rather a calamity. +With an air of softened resignation and pity, therefore, Miss Pupford +went on with her preparations: and meanwhile no pupil ever went +up-stairs, or came down, without peeping in at the door of Miss Pupford's +bedroom (when Miss Pupford wasn't there), and bringing back some +surprising intelligence concerning the bonnet. + +The extensive preparations being completed on the day before the +holidays, an unanimous entreaty was preferred to Miss Pupford by the +pupil-mind--finding expression through Miss Pupford's assistant--that she +would deign to appear in all her splendour. Miss Pupford consenting, +presented a lovely spectacle. And although the oldest pupil was barely +thirteen, every one of the six became in two minutes perfect in the +shape, cut, colour, price, and quality, of every article Miss Pupford +wore. + +Thus delightfully ushered in, the holidays began. Five of the six pupils +kissed little Kitty Kimmeens twenty times over (round total, one hundred +times, for she was very popular), and so went home. Miss Kitty Kimmeens +remained behind, for her relations and friends were all in India, far +away. A self-helpful steady little child is Miss Kitty Kimmeens: a +dimpled child too, and a loving. + +So, the great marriage-day came, and Miss Pupford, quite as much +fluttered as any bride could be (G! thought Miss Kitty Kimmeens), went +away, splendid to behold, in the carriage that was sent for her. But not +Miss Pupford only went away; for Miss Pupford's assistant went away with +her, on a dutiful visit to an aged uncle--though surely the venerable +gentleman couldn't live in the gallery of the church where the marriage +was to be, thought Miss Kitty Kimmeens--and yet Miss Pupford's assistant +had let out that she was going there. Where the cook was going, didn't +appear, but she generally conveyed to Miss Kimmeens that she was bound, +rather against her will, on a pilgrimage to perform some pious office +that rendered new ribbons necessary to her best bonnet, and also sandals +to her shoes. + +"So you see," said the housemaid, when they were all gone, "there's +nobody left in the house but you and me, Miss Kimmeens." + +"Nobody else," said Miss Kitty Kimmeens, shaking her curls a little +sadly. "Nobody!" + +"And you wouldn't like your Bella to go too; would you, Miss Kimmeens?" +said the housemaid. (She being Bella.) + +"N-no," answered little Miss Kimmeens. + +"Your poor Bella is forced to stay with you, whether she likes it or not; +ain't she, Miss Kimmeens?" + +"_Don't_ you like it?" inquired Kitty. + +"Why, you're such a darling, Miss, that it would be unkind of your Bella +to make objections. Yet my brother-in-law has been took unexpected bad +by this morning's post. And your poor Bella is much attached to him, +letting alone her favourite sister, Miss Kimmeens." + +"Is he very ill?" asked little Kitty. + +"Your poor Bella has her fears so, Miss Kimmeens," returned the +housemaid, with her apron at her eyes. "It was but his inside, it is +true, but it might mount, and the doctor said that if it mounted he +wouldn't answer." Here the housemaid was so overcome that Kitty +administered the only comfort she had ready: which was a kiss. + +"If it hadn't been for disappointing Cook, dear Miss Kimmeens," said the +housemaid, "your Bella would have asked her to stay with you. For Cook +is sweet company, Miss Kimmeens, much more so than your own poor Bella." + +"But you are very nice, Bella." + +"Your Bella could wish to be so, Miss Kimmeens," returned the housemaid, +"but she knows full well that it do not lay in her power this day." + +With which despondent conviction, the housemaid drew a heavy sigh, and +shook her head, and dropped it on one side. + +"If it had been anyways right to disappoint Cook," she pursued, in a +contemplative and abstracted manner, "it might have been so easy done! I +could have got to my brother-in-law's, and had the best part of the day +there, and got back, long before our ladies come home at night, and +neither the one nor the other of them need never have known it. Not that +Miss Pupford would at all object, but that it might put her out, being +tender-hearted. Hows'ever, your own poor Bella, Miss Kimmeens," said the +housemaid, rousing herself, "is forced to stay with you, and you're a +precious love, if not a liberty." + +"Bella," said little Kitty, after a short silence. + +"Call your own poor Bella, your Bella, dear," the housemaid besought her. + +"My Bella, then." + +"Bless your considerate heart!" said the housemaid. + +"If you would not mind leaving me, I should not mind being left. I am +not afraid to stay in the house alone. And you need not be uneasy on my +account, for I would be very careful to do no harm." + +"O! As to harm, you more than sweetest, if not a liberty," exclaimed the +housemaid, in a rapture, "your Bella could trust you anywhere, being so +steady, and so answerable. The oldest head in this house (me and Cook +says), but for its bright hair, is Miss Kimmeens. But no, I will not +leave you; for you would think your Bella unkind." + +"But if you are my Bella, you _must_ go," returned the child. + +"Must I?" said the housemaid, rising, on the whole with alacrity. "What +must be, must be, Miss Kimmeens. Your own poor Bella acts according, +though unwilling. But go or stay, your own poor Bella loves you, Miss +Kimmeens." + +It was certainly go, and not stay, for within five minutes Miss +Kimmeens's own poor Bella--so much improved in point of spirits as to +have grown almost sanguine on the subject of her brother-in-law--went her +way, in apparel that seemed to have been expressly prepared for some +festive occasion. Such are the changes of this fleeting world, and so +short-sighted are we poor mortals! + +When the house door closed with a bang and a shake, it seemed to Miss +Kimmeens to be a very heavy house door, shutting her up in a wilderness +of a house. But, Miss Kimmeens being, as before stated, of a +self-reliant and methodical character, presently began to parcel out the +long summer-day before her. + +And first she thought she would go all over the house, to make quite sure +that nobody with a great-coat on and a carving-knife in it, had got under +one of the beds or into one of the cupboards. Not that she had ever +before been troubled by the image of anybody armed with a great-coat and +a carving-knife, but that it seemed to have been shaken into existence by +the shake and the bang of the great street-door, reverberating through +the solitary house. So, little Miss Kimmeens looked under the five empty +beds of the five departed pupils, and looked, under her own bed, and +looked under Miss Pupford's bed, and looked under Miss Pupford's +assistants bed. And when she had done this, and was making the tour of +the cupboards, the disagreeable thought came into her young head, What a +very alarming thing it would be to find somebody with a mask on, like Guy +Fawkes, hiding bolt upright in a corner and pretending not to be alive! +However, Miss Kimmeens having finished her inspection without making any +such uncomfortable discovery, sat down in her tidy little manner to +needlework, and began stitching away at a great rate. + +The silence all about her soon grew very oppressive, and the more so +because of the odd inconsistency that the more silent it was, the more +noises there were. The noise of her own needle and thread as she +stitched, was infinitely louder in her ears than the stitching of all the +six pupils, and of Miss Pupford, and of Miss Pupford's assistant, all +stitching away at once on a highly emulative afternoon. Then, the +schoolroom clock conducted itself in a way in which it had never +conducted itself before--fell lame, somehow, and yet persisted in running +on as hard and as loud as it could: the consequence of which behaviour +was, that it staggered among the minutes in a state of the greatest +confusion, and knocked them about in all directions without appearing to +get on with its regular work. Perhaps this alarmed the stairs; but be +that as it might, they began to creak in a most unusual manner, and then +the furniture began to crack, and then poor little Miss Kimmeens, not +liking the furtive aspect of things in general, began to sing as she +stitched. But, it was not her own voice that she heard--it was somebody +else making believe to be Kitty, and singing excessively flat, without +any heart--so as that would never mend matters, she left off again. + +By-and-by the stitching became so palpable a failure that Miss Kitty +Kimmeens folded her work neatly, and put it away in its box, and gave it +up. Then the question arose about reading. But no; the book that was so +delightful when there was somebody she loved for her eyes to fall on when +they rose from the page, had not more heart in it than her own singing +now. The book went to its shelf as the needlework had gone to its box, +and, since something _must_ be done--thought the child, "I'll go put my +room to rights." + +She shared her room with her dearest little friend among the other five +pupils, and why then should she now conceive a lurking dread of the +little friend's bedstead? But she did. There was a stealthy air about +its innocent white curtains, and there were even dark hints of a dead +girl lying under the coverlet. The great want of human company, the +great need of a human face, began now to express itself in the facility +with which the furniture put on strange exaggerated resemblances to human +looks. A chair with a menacing frown was horribly out of temper in a +corner; a most vicious chest of drawers snarled at her from between the +windows. It was no relief to escape from those monsters to the looking- +glass, for the reflection said, "What? Is that you all alone there? How +you stare!" And the background was all a great void stare as well. + +The day dragged on, dragging Kitty with it very slowly by the hair of her +head, until it was time to eat. There were good provisions in the +pantry, but their right flavour and relish had evaporated with the five +pupils, and Miss Pupford, and Miss Pupford's assistant, and the cook and +housemaid. Where was the use of laying the cloth symmetrically for one +small guest, who had gone on ever since the morning growing smaller and +smaller, while the empty house had gone on swelling larger and larger? +The very Grace came out wrong, for who were "we" who were going to +receive and be thankful? So, Miss Kimmeens was _not_ thankful, and found +herself taking her dinner in very slovenly style--gobbling it up, in +short, rather after the manner of the lower animals, not to particularise +the pigs. + +But, this was by no means the worst of the change wrought out in the +naturally loving and cheery little creature as the solitary day wore on. +She began to brood and be suspicious. She discovered that she was full +of wrongs and injuries. All the people she knew, got tainted by her +lonely thoughts and turned bad. + +It was all very well for Papa, a widower in India, to send her home to be +educated, and to pay a handsome round sum every year for her to Miss +Pupford, and to write charming letters to his darling little daughter; +but what did he care for her being left by herself, when he was (as no +doubt he always was) enjoying himself in company from morning till night? +Perhaps he only sent her here, after all, to get her out of the way. It +looked like it--looked like it to-day, that is, for she had never dreamed +of such a thing before. + +And this old pupil who was being married. It was unsupportably conceited +and selfish in the old pupil to be married. She was very vain, and very +glad to show off; but it was highly probable that she wasn't pretty; and +even if she were pretty (which Miss Kimmeens now totally denied), she had +no business to be married; and, even if marriage were conceded, she had +no business to ask Miss Pupford to her wedding. As to Miss Pupford, she +was too old to go to any wedding. She ought to know that. She had much +better attend to her business. She had thought she looked nice in the +morning, but she didn't look nice. She was a stupid old thing. G was +another stupid old thing. Miss Pupford's assistant was another. They +were all stupid old things together. + +More than that: it began to be obvious that this was a plot. They had +said to one another, "Never mind Kitty; you get off, and I'll get off; +and we'll leave Kitty to look after herself. Who cares for her?" To be +sure they were right in that question; for who _did_ care for her, a poor +little lonely thing against whom they all planned and plotted? Nobody, +nobody! Here Kitty sobbed. + +At all other times she was the pet of the whole house, and loved her five +companions in return with a child's tenderest and most ingenuous +attachment; but now, the five companions put on ugly colours, and +appeared for the first time under a sullen cloud. There they were, all +at their homes that day, being made much of, being taken out, being +spoilt and made disagreeable, and caring nothing for her. It was like +their artful selfishness always to tell her when they came back, under +pretence of confidence and friendship, all those details about where they +had been, and what they had done and seen, and how often they had said, +"O! If we had only darling little Kitty here!" Here indeed! I dare +say! When they came back after the holidays, they were used to being +received by Kitty, and to saying that coming to Kitty was like coming to +another home. Very well then, why did they go away? If the meant it, +why did they go away? Let them answer that. But they didn't mean it, +and couldn't answer that, and they didn't tell the truth, and people who +didn't tell the truth were hateful. When they came back next time, they +should be received in a new manner; they should be avoided and shunned. + +And there, the while she sat all alone revolving how ill she was used, +and how much better she was than the people who were not alone, the +wedding breakfast was going on: no question of it! With a nasty great +bride-cake, and with those ridiculous orange-flowers, and with that +conceited bride, and that hideous bridegroom, and those heartless +bridesmaids, and Miss Pupford stuck up at the table! They thought they +were enjoying themselves, but it would come home to them one day to have +thought so. They would all be dead in a few years, let them enjoy +themselves ever so much. It was a religious comfort to know that. + +It was such a comfort to know it, that little Miss Kitty Kimmeens +suddenly sprang from the chair in which she had been musing in a corner, +and cried out, "O those envious thoughts are not mine, O this wicked +creature isn't me! Help me, somebody! I go wrong, alone by my weak +self! Help me, anybody!" + +* * * * * + +"--Miss Kimmeens is not a professed philosopher, sir," said Mr. +Traveller, presenting her at the barred window, and smoothing her shining +hair, "but I apprehend there was some tincture of philosophy in her +words, and in the prompt action with which she followed them. That +action was, to emerge from her unnatural solitude, and look abroad for +wholesome sympathy, to bestow and to receive. Her footsteps strayed to +this gate, bringing her here by chance, as an apposite contrast to you. +The child came out, sir. If you have the wisdom to learn from a child +(but I doubt it, for that requires more wisdom than one in your condition +would seem to possess), you cannot do better than imitate the child, and +come out too--from that very demoralising hutch of yours." + + + + +CHAPTER VII--PICKING UP THE TINKER + + +It was now sunset. The Hermit had betaken himself to his bed of cinders +half an hour ago, and lying on it in his blanket and skewer with his back +to the window, took not the smallest heed of the appeal addressed to him. + +All that had been said for the last two hours, had been said to a +tinkling accompaniment performed by the Tinker, who had got to work upon +some villager's pot or kettle, and was working briskly outside. This +music still continuing, seemed to put it into Mr. Traveller's mind to +have another word or two with the Tinker. So, holding Miss Kimmeens +(with whom he was now on the most friendly terms) by the hand, he went +out at the gate to where the Tinker was seated at his work on the patch +of grass on the opposite side of the road, with his wallet of tools open +before him, and his little fire smoking. + +"I am glad to see you employed," said Mr. Traveller. + +"I am glad to _be_ employed," returned the Tinker, looking up as he put +the finishing touches to his job. "But why are you glad?" + +"I thought you were a lazy fellow when I saw you this morning." + +"I was only disgusted," said the Tinker. + +"Do you mean with the fine weather?" + +"With the fine weather?" repeated the Tinker, staring. + +"You told me you were not particular as to weather, and I thought--" + +"Ha, ha! How should such as me get on, if we _was_ particular as to +weather? We must take it as it comes, and make the best of it. There's +something good in all weathers. If it don't happen to be good for my +work to-day, it's good for some other man's to-day, and will come round +to me to-morrow. We must all live." + +"Pray shake hands," said Mr. Traveller. + +"Take care, sir," was the Tinker's caution, as he reached up his hand in +surprise; "the black comes off." + +"I am glad of it," said Mr. Traveller. "I have been for several hours +among other black that does not come off." + +"You are speaking of Tom in there?" + +"Yes." + +"Well now," said the Tinker, blowing the dust off his job: which was +finished. "Ain't it enough to disgust a pig, if he could give his mind +to it?" + +"If he could give his mind to it," returned the other, smiling, "the +probability is that he wouldn't be a pig." + +"There you clench the nail," returned the Tinker. "Then what's to be +said for Tom?" + +"Truly, very little." + +"Truly nothing you mean, sir," said the Tinker, as he put away his tools. + +"A better answer, and (I freely acknowledge) my meaning. I infer that he +was the cause of your disgust?" + +"Why, look'ee here, sir," said the Tinker, rising to his feet, and wiping +his face on the corner of his black apron energetically; "I leave you to +judge!--I ask you!--Last night I has a job that needs to be done in the +night, and I works all night. Well, there's nothing in that. But this +morning I comes along this road here, looking for a sunny and soft spot +to sleep in, and I sees this desolation and ruination. I've lived myself +in desolation and ruination; I knows many a fellow-creetur that's forced +to live life long in desolation and ruination; and I sits me down and +takes pity on it, as I casts my eyes about. Then comes up the +long-winded one as I told you of, from that gate, and spins himself out +like a silkworm concerning the Donkey (if my Donkey at home will excuse +me) as has made it all--made it of his own choice! And tells me, if you +please, of his likewise choosing to go ragged and naked, and +grimy--maskerading, mountebanking, in what is the real hard lot of +thousands and thousands! Why, then I say it's a unbearable and +nonsensical piece of inconsistency, and I'm disgusted. I'm ashamed and +disgusted!" + +"I wish you would come and look at him," said Mr. Traveller, clapping the +Tinker on the shoulder. + +"Not I, sir," he rejoined. "I ain't a going to flatter him up by looking +at him!" + +"But he is asleep." + +"Are you sure he is asleep?" asked the Tinker, with an unwilling air, as +he shouldered his wallet. + +"Sure." + +"Then I'll look at him for a quarter of a minute," said the Tinker, +"since you so much wish it; but not a moment longer." + +They all three went back across the road; and, through the barred window, +by the dying glow of the sunset coming in at the gate--which the child +held open for its admission--he could be pretty clearly discerned lying +on his bed. + +"You see him?" asked Mr. Traveller. + +"Yes," returned the Tinker, "and he's worse than I thought him." + +Mr. Traveller then whispered in few words what he had done since morning; +and asked the Tinker what he thought of that? + +"I think," returned the Tinker, as he turned from the window, "that +you've wasted a day on him." + +"I think so too; though not, I hope, upon myself. Do you happen to be +going anywhere near the Peal of Bells?" + +"That's my direct way, sir," said the Tinker. + +"I invite you to supper there. And as I learn from this young lady that +she goes some three-quarters of a mile in the same direction, we will +drop her on the road, and we will spare time to keep her company at her +garden gate until her own Bella comes home." + +So, Mr. Traveller, and the child, and the Tinker, went along very +amicably in the sweet-scented evening; and the moral with which the +Tinker dismissed the subject was, that he said in his trade that metal +that rotted for want of use, had better be left to rot, and couldn't rot +too soon, considering how much true metal rotted from over-use and hard +service. + + + + +FOOTNOTES + + +{1} Dickens didn't write chapters 2 to 5 and they are omitted in this +edition. + + + +***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TOM TIDDLER'S GROUND*** + + +******* This file should be named 1413.txt or 1413.zip ******* + + +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: +https://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/1/4/1/1413 + + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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