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diff --git a/14067-h/14067-h.htm b/14067-h/14067-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5dcb330 --- /dev/null +++ b/14067-h/14067-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,1941 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd"> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"> +<head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" + content="text/html; charset=UTF-8" /> + + <title>Punch, November 7, 1891.</title> + <style type="text/css"> + /*<![CDATA[*/ + + <!-- + body {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + p {text-align: justify;} + blockquote {text-align: justify;} + h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 {text-align: center;} + pre {font-size: 0.7em;} + + hr {text-align: center; width: 50%;} + html>body hr {margin-right: 25%; margin-left: 25%; width: 50%;} + hr.full {width: 100%;} + html>body hr.full {margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 0%; width: 100%;} + hr.short {text-align: center; width: 20%;} + html>body hr.short {margin-right: 40%; margin-left: 40%; width: 20%;} + + .note, .footnote {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-size: 0.9em;} + + span.pagenum + {position: absolute; left: 1%; right: 91%; font-size: 8pt;} + + .poem + {margin-left:10%; margin-right:10%; margin-bottom: 1em; text-align: left;} + .poem .stanza {margin: 1em 0em 1em 0em;} + .poem p {margin: 0; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + .poem p.i2 {margin-left: 1em;} + .poem p.i4 {margin-left: 2em;} + .poem p.i6 {margin-left: 3em;} + .poem p.i8 {margin-left: 4em;} + .poem p.i10 {margin-left: 5em;} + + .figure, .figcenter, .figright, .figleft + {padding: 1em; margin: 0; text-align: center; font-size: 0.8em;} + .figure img, .figcenter img, .figright img, .figleft img + {border: none;} + .figure p, .figcenter p, .figright p, .figleft p + {margin: 0; text-indent: 1em;} + .figcenter {margin: auto;} + .figright {float: right;} + .figleft {float: left;} + + p.author {text-align: right;} + --> + /*]]>*/ + </style> +</head> + +<body> +<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 14067 ***</div> + + <h1>PUNCH,<br /> + OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.</h1> + + <h2>Vol. 101.</h2> + <hr class="full" /> + + <h2>November 7, 1891.</h2> + <hr class="full" /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page217" + id="page217"></a>[pg 217]</span> + + <h2>ONLY FANCY!</h2> + + <div class="figleft" + style="width:35%;"> + <a href="images/217-1.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/217-1.png" + alt="Two-headed bust of the Emperor." /></a> + </div> + + <p>We learn by telegraph from Berlin that some uneasiness + exists in that capital owing to demonstrations made by the + photographists and artists in plaster-of-Paris, who have been + accustomed to reproduce likenesses and busts of His Imperial + Majesty. They complain that, owing to a measure of uncertainty + about the EMPEROR's personal appearance from day to day, they + have large stocks thrown on their hands, and are reduced to a + condition approaching bankruptcy. The crisis has been + precipitated by the circumstance that, just when the combined + trades, recovering from their first disaster, had produced a + Christmas stock of portraits and busts, showing His Majesty + with a beard, he shaved it off, and once more they have their + goods returned on their hands. Prussian 3-1/2 per Cents. have + fallen to 83-85.</p> + <hr class="short" /> + + <p>When Sir AUGUSTUS DRURIOLANUS read in the <i>Times</i> that + Signor LAGO had been granted the QUEEN's permission to prefix + "Royal" to his opera entertainment at the Shaftesbury Theatre, + it gave him so great a shock that, but for the opportune + ("opera-tune," Sir AUGUSTUS jocosely put it) arrival of Dr. + ROBSON ROUSTEM PASHA, the shock might have had a serious + effect.</p> + <hr class="short" /> + + <p>On Monday last, at half-past three, the King of SPAIN cut a + new tooth, His Majesty's seventh acquisition in this class of + property. The happy event was celebrated by a salute of + seventeen guns.</p> + + <p>"What's that?" asked His Majesty, awakened by the roar from + his siesta.</p> + + <p>"Sire," said the Field-Marshal commanding the troops, + bringing his trusty Toledo to the salute, "your Majesty has + condescended to cut a tooth."</p> + + <p>"That's all very well to begin with," said the King; "but, + when I grow a little older, I mean to cut a dash."</p> + <hr class="short" /> + + <p>Previous to the appointment of Mr. ARTHUR BALFOUR, much + speculation was indulged in as to the succession to the + Leadership of the House of Commons. In Conservative circles + there was an almost universal desire to see the place filled by + a noble Baron well-known for the assiduity with which he + arrives in town to transact business in Bouverie Street, + returning to his country seat the same evening.</p> + <hr class="short" /> + + <p>During the interval after it had been made known that the + Leadership of the House of Commons had been offered to Mr. + BALFOUR, and whilst his decision was anxiously awaited, Sir + WILLIAM HARCOURT was asked whether he thought the Chief + Secretary would take the place.</p> + + <p>"Who can say, TOBY <i>mio</i>?" answered the Squire, + stroking his chin, with a far-away glance. "The situation + reminds me of an incident that came under my notice when I + represented Oxford borough. One of my constituents, a worthy + pastor, had had a call to another and much wealthier church. He + asked for time to consider the proposal. One afternoon, a + fortnight later, I met his son in High Street, and inquired + whether his father had decided to take the new place. 'Well,' + said the youngster, 'Pa is still praying for light, but most of + the things are packed.'"</p> + <hr class="short" /> + + <p>We understand that an innovation will be introduced at + Guildhall on the occasion of the Lord MAYOR's dinner. The Lord + MAYOR elect being a Welshman, intends to substitute the leek + for the loving cup. At the stage of the festival where the + loving cup usually goes round, a dish of leeks will be passed + along, and every guest will be expected publicly to eat one. + This will necessitate an alteration in the time-honoured + formula of the Toastmaster. On the 9th of November it will run: + "My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen, the Right Hon. the Lord MAYOR + pledges you with a loving leek, and bids you HALL a 'arty + welcome."</p> + <hr /> + + <h2>OUR OWN FINANCIAL COLUMN.</h2> + + <h4>(<i>By Croesus.</i>)</h4> + + <blockquote class="note"> + <p>[<i>Mr. Punch</i> has decided that it is absolutely + necessary for him to publish every week a financial + article. The best treatises on Political Economy lay it + down as an axiom that, where the desire for acquisition is + universal, and the standard of value absolute, a balance + between gain and loss can only be reached by the + mathematical adjustment of <i>meum</i> and <i>tuum</i>. + Acting upon this principle, <i>Mr. Punch</i> has, in the + interests of everybody, retained the services of one of the + most, if not <i>the</i> most, eminent contemporary + financiers, whom modesty alone prevents from signing his + own name to his benevolent and comprehensive articles. + Those, however, who care to look beneath the surface, will + have no difficulty in determining the identity of one of + the greatest modern monetary authorities, a man whose nod + has before this shattered prosperous empires, and whose + word is even better than his bond, could such a thing be + possible. <i>Mr. Punch</i> has only one thing to say to + those who desire to be rich. It is this. Follow implicitly + the advice of CROESUS.]</p> + </blockquote> + + <p>SIR,—You have asked me to devote some of my spare time + to the enlightenment of your readers on matters connected with + the money-markets of the world. The request is an easy one to + make. You talk of spare time, as if the man who controlled + millions of money, and could <i>at any moment</i> put all the + Directors of the Bank of England in his waistcoat pocket, had + absolutely nothing to do except to devote himself to the + affairs of other people. Such a man has no leisure. When he is + not engaged in launching loans, or in admitting to an audience + the Prime Ministers of peoples rightly struggling to free + themselves from debt by adding largely to their public + liabilities, when, I say, he is not thusly or otherwisely + engaged, his mind must still busy itself with the details of + all the immense concerns over which he, more or less, presides. + However, I am willing to make an exception in your case, and to + impart to you the ripe fruits of an experience which has no + parallel in any country of the habitable globe. Without, + therefore, cutting any more time to waste, I begin.</p> + + <div class="figright" + style="width:14%;"> + <a href="images/217-2.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/217-2.png" + alt="" /></a> + </div> + + <p>(1.) <i>Mines</i>.—There can be no doubt that in this + department a largely increased activity may soon be expected. I + am aware that in "Shafts" there has been a downward tendency; + but I am assured by the Secretary of the "Dodjâ Plant Co." + (19-1/2, 6/8, 54·2-1/2, 7/8), that the prospects of this branch + of investment were never more brilliant. The latest report of + the Mining Expert sent out to investigate this mine, runs as + follows:—</p> + + <p>"I have now been three days in the interior of the Dodjâ + Plant. I can confidently state that I found no water, though + there was evidence of large deposits of salt, which could be + worked at an immense profit. The gold is abundant. I have + crushed ten tons of quartz <i>with my own hands</i>, and found + the yield in florins extraordinary. The natives guard the mouth + of the mine. Please relieve promptly. My assistant became a + Salmi yesterday."</p> + + <p>There is some obscurity (intentional, of course) in the last + few words. I may, therefore, state that a Salmi is one of the + most important native bankers. The profession is only open to + millionnaires. I therefore say, emphatically, buy Dodjâs.</p> + + <p>(2.) <i>The Carbon Diamond Fields</i>.—The latest + quotations are 14-5/8 to the dozen, with irregular falls. + Carbon Prefs. unaltered. Trusts firm. This is a good investment + for a poor man. In fact there could not be a better. No + necessity to deal through an ordinary stockbroker. Wire + "CROESUS, City." That will find me, and by return you shall + have address of banker, to whom first deposit for cover must be + immediately paid.</p> + + <p>(3.) <i>Italian Cattivas</i> quieter. A Correspondent + asks—"What do you recommend a man who has laid by £20 to + do in order to hold £1,000 at the end of a month?" I say at + once, Try Cattivas (19-2/5 Def.; Deb. Stk. 14—15). Wire + "CROESUS, City."</p> + + <p>(4.) <i>South-African Pih Kroost</i> short. Gold continues + to be in good demand. Anybody wishing to make a quick profit + out of a small sum, such as from two to five sovereigns, wire + "CROESUS, City" anytime before 12·30. In all cases of + telegraphing, the message must be "Reply-Paid," or no notice + will be taken of the communication. Remember "Time is Money." + Keep up a good supply of both, and you'll live to bless + "CROESUS."</p> + + <p><i>Advice Gratis</i>.—Make (Brighton) "A," while the + sun shines,</p> + + <p>Inquiries as to <i>The Para Docks Company</i>, and <i>The + Jerrie Myer Bilder Company</i>, I will answer squarely and + fairly next week. Don't move in these without the straight and + direct advice of "CROESUS."</p> + + <p>As to the <i>Turpin, Sheppard, and Abershaw Highways + Company</i>, I shall have something to say next week. Investors + who want a real good thing, just hold your coin in hand for a + week, till I say "Go," and then go it. This Company will be a + big thing, <i>and, mind you, safe</i>.</p> + + <p>For the present I close the account, to re-open it next + week, and, to show my good faith, send you my subscription, + which you may read here, as I subscribe myself, "CROESUS, + CITY."</p> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page218" + id="page218"></a>[pg 218]</span> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:100%;"> + <h2>ΘΗ + ΠΡΩΤΕΚΤΕΔ + ΦΗΜΑΛΕ.</h2><a href="images/218.png"> + <img width="100%" + src="images/218.png" + alt="" /></a> + </div> + + <blockquote class="note"> + <p>["For our part we do not believe in protected studies. + Greek came into the Western world, poor and needy, three + centuries ago. By her own unaided charms she has won her + way. By those charms we believe that she will hold her own + against all competitors until literature and civilisation + are no more."—<i>Times</i>.]</p> + </blockquote> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Protected Greek! Protected Greek!</p> + + <p class="i2">BALFOUR may doubt, the <i>Times</i> + demur,</p> + + <p>And chattering "correspondents" seek</p> + + <p class="i2">Against the goddess strife to stir,</p> + + <p>But while the Senate rules, you bet,</p> + + <p>The Goths shan't smash the Grecians yet.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>When Don meets Don injurious fray</p> + + <p class="i2">Then comes in sooth the tug of war;</p> + + <p>And on this memorable day</p> + + <p class="i2">They gather in from near and far,</p> + + <p>To whelm the unnatural ones who'd seek</p> + + <p>To set the "Grace" against the Greek.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>SWETE looks on JEBB and JEBB on BROWNE,</p> + + <p class="i2">And BATESON looks on ROBERTSON SMITH.</p> + + <p>They cry, "Of WELLDON 'tis ill-done!"</p> + + <p class="i2">But THOMSON is a man of pith,</p> + + <p>And GRIMTHORPE, that scalp-hunting "Brave"</p> + + <p>Will tomahawk the "Modern" slave.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>The Proctors sat with serious brow,</p> + + <p class="i2">Within the swarming Senate House,</p> + + <p>Voters in hundreds swarmed below,</p> + + <p class="i2">Fellows of scholarship and + <i>nous</i>.</p> + + <p>They counted votes, and, when 'twas done,</p> + + <p><i>Non-placets</i> had it, three to one!</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>And where are they, Granta's fell foes,</p> + + <p class="i2">The champions of the Modern side?</p> + + <p>Five twenty-five emphatic "Noes"</p> + + <p class="i2">Have squelched their schemes, and dashed + their pride.</p> + + <p>Hurroo! for those so prompt to vindicate</p> + + <p>Compulsory Greek against the Syndicate!</p> + </div> + </div><span class="pagenum"><a name="page219" + id="page219"></a>[pg 219]</span> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Thus sang, or would, or could, or should have + sung,</p> + + <p class="i2">The modern Greek, in imitative verse;</p> + + <p>Meanwhile the Goddess, grave, though ever young,</p> + + <p class="i2">Stood, Psyche-like, untempted to + rehearse</p> + + <p>The ragings—angrier ink was seldom + slung—</p> + + <p class="i2">Uttered by BYRON in Minerva's Curse.</p> + + <p>She simply stood, as stately-proud as Pallas,</p> + + <p>Looking so calm, some might have deemed her + callous.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Amusing sight this game! <i>Don</i> versus + <i>Don</i></p> + + <p class="i2">Mixed in a sort of classic Donny + brook.</p> + + <p>A lethal weapon is a Lexicon</p> + + <p class="i2">When rivals make a bludgeon of the + book.</p> + + <p>By her unaided charms the Goddess won</p> + + <p class="i2">Her way. <i>This</i> is the language of + her look.</p> + + <p>(The Laureate's) "Judge thou me by what I am,</p> + + <p>"So shalt thou find me, fairest"—<i>sans</i> + Compulsory Cram!</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + + <h2>BETWEEN THE ACTS.</h2> + + <blockquote> + <p>SCENE—<i>Europe. The Great Powers discovered in + Council.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>Russia</i>. Now, I think I have arranged matters fairly + well. I shall myself lend a hand to France, and that will keep + the balance decently level, so far as Germany is concerned.</p> + + <p><i>Germany</i>. Will it? I can fight you both!</p> + + <p><i>Austria</i>. Now, keep quiet. If we are to be partners, + you must not be so impulsive.</p> + + <p><i>Italy</i>. Just what I say. Why can't he take it + calmly!</p> + + <p><i>Russia</i>. Well, of course it's not my business; but if + you want to break up the Triple Alliance, that's the way to do + it! Well, then, France employed with you boys on the Rhine, I + shall move down south, and quietly occupy Constantinople. Now, + no one could object to that!</p> + + <p><i>Germany</i>. Why, I should, and so would Austria, + wouldn't you?</p> + + <p><i>Austria</i>. Of course. But what could we do, if we were + hard at work with France?</p> + + <p><i>Italy</i>. Yes; and fancy the Mediterranean becoming a + Russian lake!</p> + + <p><i>Russia</i>. Oh, you would soon grow accustomed to it! + Then I should move on to Afghanistan, and quietly make my way + to India. But all this has to be done after the first step is + taken. England must scuttle out of Egypt.</p> + + <p><i>England</i>. Scuttle out of Egypt? Why, certainly! After + consideration! [<i>Left considering.</i></p> + <hr /> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:60%;"> + <a href="images/219-1.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/219-1.png" + alt="MISUNDERSTOOD." /></a> + + <h3>MISUNDERSTOOD.</h3> + + <p><i>Young Lady</i> (<i>in Contralto tones of remarkable + depth and richness</i>). "HAVE YOU GOT ANY <i>LOW</i> + FRENCH SONGS?"</p> + + <p><i>Music Publisher</i> (<i>indignantly</i>). "<i>CERTAINLY</i> + NOT, MISS! YOU MUST TRY SOME OTHER ESTABLISHMENT!"</p> + </div> + <hr /> + + <h2>ROBERT ON THE COMING SHO.</h2> + + <div class="figleft" + style="width:20%;"> + <a href="images/219-2.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/219-2.png" + alt="Robert." /></a> + </div> + + <p>What a prowd and appy day dear old Whales is about for to + have on the werry next Lord Mare's Day, as is cumming, which + it's the ninth of nex month, which it's nex Monday. Not only is + wun of the werry populusest of living Welchmen a going for to + be made Lord MARE on that werry day, but the Prince of WHALES + hisself, who was inwited but karnt kum cos he's keepin' his + hone Jewbilly at ome that appy and horspigious day. Praps Madam + HADDYLEANER PATTY (wich is quite a Welch name) would kum up an + give us a treat on this okashun.</p> + + <p>Praps my enthewsiasm in the cause of Whales may be xcused + when I reweals the fack that I am myself arf a Welchman, as my + Mother was a reel one before me, and so, strange to say, was my + Huncle, her Brother. There was sum idear of dressing me up as a + Bard with a Arp, and I was to jine in when the rest on us + struck up "<i>The March of the Men of Garlick</i>," but I + prudently declined the temting horffer. I need scarcely say + that Welch Rabbits will be a werry striking part of the Maynoo, + being probably substituted for the Barrens of Beef.</p> + + <p>I'm told as all the Ministers is a cumming.</p> + + <p>BROWN, with his ushal raddicle imperence, says it's becoz + they knos as it's for the larst time. Yes, much BROWN knos + about it, when he sed jest the werry same thing larst year! I'm + told as Mr. BALFOUR and Mr. GOSHEN is to be seated nex to each + other, so that they can take the Loving Cup together. So that + will be all rite. We are going to have a splendid + Persession—the werry longest and the werry + hinterestingest of moddern times! So I adwise all my many kyind + paytrons and Country Cuzzins to "<i>cum erly</i>." There's no + telling what dredful changes may take place in these horful + rewolushunary times, and ewen the "Sacred Sho" may be stript of + sum of its many attrackshuns, or ewen erbolished altogether! + But that is, of course, only a fearfool wision, begotten, as + SHAKSPEARE says, of too much supper last nite, "a praying on my + eat-oppressed Brane!" No, no! There are things as is posserbel, + and there are things as ain't, and them as ain't done werry + often happen.</p> + + <p class="author">ROBERT.</p> + <hr /> + + <h3>The Two Graces.</h3> + + <blockquote class="note"> + <p>[Miss MAUDE MILLETT was at Cambridge last week, when the + Grace of the Senate for an inquiry into the Compulsory + Greek question was <i>placeted</i> by a large + majority.]</p> + </blockquote> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>The tug of war, when Greek met Anti-Greek</p> + + <p class="i2">In deadly feud, was over in a trice.</p> + + <p>They spoke out promptly, when they had to + speak—</p> + + <p class="i2">They would not have the Grace at any + price.</p> + + <p>But undergraduates of every race</p> + + <p class="i2">Flocked to the Theatre, each night to + fill it.</p> + + <p>The Grace THEY <i>placeted</i> was just the + Grace</p> + + <p class="i2">Of one fair maiden—pretty Miss + MAUDE MILLETT.</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + + <p>A CHILI PICKLE.—The following advertisement is sent + us, extracted from the <i>Chilian Times</i>:—</p> + + <blockquote> + <p><font size="+3">C</font>ASA QUINTA!—TO LET in Viña + del Mar the first story of a comfortable house, with + beautiful garden and yard, situated in the finest part of + the villa, and consisting of eight rooms, baths, gas, + cellar and all other comforts, etc., against rent or board + to a matrimony—Apply, &c., &c.</p> + </blockquote> + + <p>If Chilians can treat English like this, Americans will + stand a poor chance "<i>against rent or board to a + matrimony</i>." The terms of the lease in Chilian Legal English + would probably "afford employment for the gentlemen of the long + robe."</p> + <hr /> + + <p>The <i>Observer</i> recently warned us that—</p> + + <blockquote> + <p>"LOUISA Lady AILESBURY must not be confounded with MARIA + Lady AILESBURY, who is the widow of the elder brother of + her husband."</p> + </blockquote> + + <p>There is surely some misapprehension here. Lady "A." did not + marry her deceased husband's brother, whether "elder" or + younger.</p> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page220" + id="page220"></a>[pg 220]</span> + + <h2>THE TRAVELLING COMPANIONS.</h2> + + <h3>No. XIII.</h3> + + <blockquote> + <p>SCENE—<i>A hundred yards or so from the top of + Monte Generoso, above Lake Lugano.</i> CULCHARD, <i>who, + with a crowd of other excursionists, has made the ascent by + rail, is toiling up the steep and very slippery slope to + the summit.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>Culchard</i> (<i>to himself, as he stops to pant</i>). + <i>More</i> climbing! I thought this line was supposed to go to + the top! But that's Italian all over—hem—as PODBURY + would say! Wonder, by the way, if he expected to be asked to + come with me. I've no reason for sacrificing myself like that + any longer! (<i>He sighs.</i>) Ah, HYPATIA, if you could know + what a dreary disenchanted blank you have made of my life! And + I who believed you capable of appreciating such devotion as + mine!</p> + + <p><i>A Voice behind</i>. My! If I don't know that back I'll + just give up! How've <i>you</i> been getting along all this + time, Mr. CULCHARD?</p> + + <p><i>Culch.</i> (<i>turning</i>). Miss TROTTER! A most + delightful and—er—unexpected meeting, indeed!</p> + + <div class="figright" + style="width:45%;"> + <a href="images/220.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/220.png" + alt="'Struggling with a long printed Panorama.'" /> + </a>"Struggling with a long printed Panorama." + </div> + + <p><i>Miss Trotter</i>. Well, we came up on the cars in front + of yours. We've taken rooms at the hotel up here. Poppa + reckoned the air would be kind of fresher on the top of this + mountain, and I don't believe but what he's right either. I + guess I shall want another hairpin through <i>my</i> hat. And + are you still going around with Mr. PODBURY? As inseparable as + ever, I presume?</p> + + <p><i>Culch.</i> Er—<i>about</i> as inseparable. That is, + we are still travelling together—only, on this particular + afternoon—</p> + + <p><i>Miss T.</i> He went and got mislaid? I see. He used to + stray considerable over in Germany, didn't he? Well, I'm real + pleased to see <i>you</i> anyway. And how's the poetry been + panning out? I hope you've had a pretty good yield of + sonnets?</p> + + <p><i>Culch.</i> (<i>to himself</i>). She's really grown + distinctly prettier. She might show a little more + <i>feeling</i>, though, considering we were almost, if not + quite—(<i>Aloud.</i>) So you remember my poor poems? I'm + afraid I have not been very—er—prolific of + late.</p> + + <p><i>Miss T.</i> You don't say! I should think you'd have had + one to show for every day, with the date to it, like a new-laid + egg.</p> + + <p><i>Culch.</i> Birds don't lay—er—I mean they + don't <i>sing</i>, in the dark. My light has + been—er—lacking of late.</p> + + <p><i>Miss T.</i> If that's intended for me, you ought to begin + chirping right away. But you're not going to tell me you've + been "lounjun round en sufferin'" like—wasn't it <i>Uncle + Remus's</i> Brer Terrapin? (<i>Catching</i> C.'s <i>look of + bewilderment.</i>) What, don't you know <i>Uncle Remus</i>?</p> + + <p><i>Culch.</i> (<i>politely</i>). Mr. TROTTER is the only + relation of yours I have had the pleasure of meeting, as + yet.</p> + + <p><i>Miss T.</i> Why, I reckoned <i>Uncle Remus</i> was pretty + most everybody's relation by now. He's a book. But likely + you've no use for our national humorous literature?</p> + + <p><i>Culch.</i> I—er—must confess I seldom waste + time over the humorous literature of <i>any</i> nation.</p> + + <p><i>Miss T.</i> I guess that accounts for your gaiety! There, + don't you mind <i>me</i>, Mr. CULCHARD. But suppose we hurry + along and inspect this panorama they talk so much of; it isn't + going to be any sideshow. It's just a real representative + mass-meeting of Swiss mountains, with every prominent peak in + the country on the platform, and a deputation down below from + the leading Italian lakes. It's ever so elegant,—and + there's Poppa around on the top too.</p> + + <h4><i>On the top. Tourists discovered making more or less + appropriate remarks.</i></h4> + + <p><i>First Tourist</i> (<i>struggling with a long printed + panorama, which flaps like a sail</i>). Grand view, Sir, get + 'em all from here, you see! Monte Rosa, Matterhorn, + Breithorn—</p> + + <blockquote> + <p>[<i>Works through them all conscientiously, until, much to + everybody's relief, his panorama escapes into space.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>Second T.</i> (<i>a lady, with the air of a person making + a discovery</i>). How wonderfully small everything looks down + below!</p> + + <p><i>Third T.</i> (<i>a British Matron, with a talent for + incongruity</i>). Yes, dear, very—<i>quite</i> worth + coming all this way for, but as I was telling you, we've always + been accustomed to such an evangelical service, so that our new + Rector is really <i>rather</i>—but we're quite + <i>friendly</i> of course; go there for tennis, and he dines + with us, and all that. Still, I <i>do</i> think, when it comes + to having lighted candles in broad daylight—(&c., + &c.)</p> + + <p><i>Fourth T.</i> (<i>an equally incongruous American</i>). + Wa'al, yes, they show up well, cert'nly, those peaks do. But I + was about to remark. Sir, I went to that particular + establishment on Fleet Street. I called for a chop. And when it + came, I don't deny I felt disappointed, for the plate all + around was just as <i>dry</i>—! But the moment I struck a + fork into that chop, Sir,—well, the way the gravy just + came <i>gushing</i> out was—there, it ain't no use me + trying to put it in words! But from that instant, Sir, I kinder + realised the peculiar charm of your British chop.</p> + + <p><i>Fifth T.</i> (<i>a discontented Teuton</i>). I exbected + more as zis. It is nod glear enough—nod at all. Zey dolt + me from ze dop you see Milan. I look all aroundt. Novere I see + Milan! And I lief my obera-glass behint me in ze drain, and I + slib on ze grass and sbrain my mittle finger, and altogedder I + do not vish I had com.</p> + + <p><i>Miss T.</i> (<i>presenting</i> CULCHARD <i>to</i> Mr. + CYRUS K.T.). I guess you've met <i>this</i> gentleman + before!</p> + + <p><i>Mr. T.</i> Well now, that's <i>so</i>. I didn't just + reckon I'd meet him again all this way above the sea-level + though, but I'm just as pleased to see him. Rode up on the + cars, I presume, Sir? Tolerable hilly road all the way, + <i>ain't</i> it now? There cann't anybody say we hain' made the + most of <i>our</i> time since you left us. Took a run over to + Berlin; had two hours and a haff in that city, and I dunno as I + keered about making a more pro-tracted visit. Went right + through to Vi-enna, saw round Vi-enna. I did want, being so + near, to just waltz into Turkey and see that. But I guess + Turkey'll have to keep till next time. Then back again into + Switzerland, for I do seem to have kinder taken a fancy to + Switzerland. I'd like to have put in more time there, and we + stayed best part of a week too! But Italy's an interesting + place. Yes, I'm getting considerable interested in Italy, so + far as I've got. There's Geneva now—</p> + + <p><i>Miss T.</i> You do beat anything for mixing up places, + Father. And you don't want to be letting yourself loose on Mr. + CULCHARD this way. You'd better go and bring Mr. VAN BOODELER + along; he's round somewhere.</p> + + <p><i>Mr. T.</i> I do like slinging off when I meet a friend; + but I'll shut down, MAUD, I'll shut down.</p> + + <p><i>Miss T.</i> Oh, there you are, CHARLEY! Come right here, + and be introduced to Mr. CULCHARD. He's a vurry intelligent + man. My cousin, Mr. CHARLES VAN BOODELER,—Mr. CULCHARD. + Mr. VAN BOODELER's intelligent too. He's going to write our + great National Amurrcan novel, soon as ever he has time for it. + That's so, isn't it?</p> + + <p><i>Mr. V.B.</i> (<i>a slim, pale young man, with a + cosmopolitan air and a languid drawl</i>). It's our most + pressing national need, Sir, and I have long cherished the + intention of supplying it. I am collecting material, and, when + the psychological moment arrives, I shall write that novel. And + I believe it will be a big thing, a very big thing; I mean to + make it a complete compendium of every phase of our great and + complicated civilisation from State to State and from shore to + shore. [CULCHARD <i>bows vaguely.</i></p> + + <p><i>Miss T.</i> Yes, and the great Amurrcan public are going + to rise up in their millions and boom it. Only I don't believe + they'd better start booming just yet, till there's something + more than covers to that novel. And how you're going to collect + material for an Amurrcan novel, flying round Europe, just beats + <i>me</i>!</p> + + <p><i>Mr. V.B.</i> (<i>with superiority</i>). Because you don't + realise that it's precisely in Europe that I find my best + American types. Our citizens show up better against a European + background,—it excites and stimulates their nationality, + so to speak. And again, with a big subject like mine, you want + to step back to get the proper focus. Now I'm <i>stepping</i> + back.</p> + + <p><i>Miss T.</i> I guess it's more like skipping, CHARLEY. But + so long as you're having a good time! And here's Mr. CULCHARD + will fix <span class="pagenum"><a name="page221" + id="page221"></a>[pg 221]</span> you up some sonnets for + headings to the chapters. You needn't begin <i>right</i> + away, Mr. CULCHARD; I guess there's no hurry. But we get + talking and <i>talking</i>, and never look at anything. I + don't call it encouraging the scenery, and that's a + fact!</p> + + <p><i>Mr. T.</i> (<i>later, to</i> CULCHARD). And you're pretty + comfortable at your hotel? Well, I dunno, after all, what there + is to keep <i>us</i> here. I guess we'll go down again and stop + at Lugano, eh, MAUD?</p> + + <blockquote> + <p>[CULCHARD <i>eagerly awaits her reply.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>Miss T.</i> I declare! After bringing all my trunks way + up here! But I'd just as soon move down as not; they're not + unpacked any. (<i>Joy of</i> C.) Seems a pity, too, after + engaging rooms here. And they looked real nice. Mr. CULCHARD, + don't you and Mr. PODBURY want to come up here and take them? + They've a perfectly splendid view, and then we could have + yours, you know! (C. <i>cannot conceal his chagrin at this + suggestion.</i>) Well, see here, Poppa, we'll go along and try + if we can't square the hotel-clerk and get our baggage on the + cars again, and then we'll see just how we feel about it. I'm + perfectly indifferent either way.</p> + + <p><i>Culch.</i> (<i>to himself, as he follows</i>). Can she be + really as indifferent as she seems? I'm afraid she has very + little heart! But if only she can be induced to go back to + Lugano ... She will be at the same hotel—a great point! I + wish that fellow VAN BOODELER wasn't coming too, though ... Not + that they've settled to come at all yet!... Still, I fancy she + likes the idea ... She'll come—if I don't appear too + anxious about it! [<i>He walks on, trying to whistle + carelessly.</i></p> + <hr /> + + <h2>WAR IN A FOG.</h2> + + <h4>(<i>A Record of the Next Campaign of the Coming + Moltke.</i>)</h4> + + <p>Our Army was now advancing in good order. We had the "A" + Division of the enemy on our right, and the "B" Division on our + left, but of course we had lost sight of Division "C." It was + the morning after we had taken the fortress that had + unexpectedly appeared before us on our right front, and had + found ourselves to our surprise by the side of a river. The + Chief of my Staff entered my tent whilst I was engaged in + studying a map not very successfully.</p> + + <div class="figleft" + style="width:30%;"> + <a href="images/221-1.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/221-1.png" + alt="" /></a> + </div> + + <p>"General," said he, "military music can be heard in the + distance, from which I take it it must be the other part of our + Army." "This is most fortunate," I replied; "but are they + supposed to be in this part of the country? I fancied they were + besieging the enemy's metropolis.</p> + + <p>"So it was reported," returned my subordinate; "but it + appears that, taking the first turning to the right, instead of + the second to the left, they lost their way, and instead of + capturing the capital, surrounded a harbour, in which, to their + astonishment, they found his fleet."</p> + + <p>"I suppose that the movements of Division 'C' are shrouded + in mystery?"</p> + + <p>"They are," returned the Chief of the Staff, saluting. "It + is presumed that the commander is wandering somewhere near the + frontier. A spy from his Army says that he had entirely lost + touch of the country, and was continually asking his way. But + how about our friends, the remainder of our Army, who are now + approaching towards us? What shall we do?"</p> + + <p>"Give them a fitting reception," was my reply.</p> + + <p>In a moment our Army halted and pitched their tents. + Accustomed to State functions of every sort and description, it + was no difficult matter to them to decorate the line of march + appropriately. Suddenly there was the sound of firing, and five + minutes later an officer wearing the uniform of the enemy + entered my tent and surrendered his sword.</p> + + <p>"General," said he, "I yield to your superior knowledge of + military tactics. I had expected to find friends, and now I + have come across foes. And you number more than half a million + of men, do you not?"</p> + + <p>"Well, no; you may mean my brother commander, who has that + force under his orders. But we have only about twenty + thousand."</p> + + <p>"And I have given up my arms for nothing," said my + visitor.</p> + + <p>"To whom have I the honour of speaking?" I asked, haughtily. + "I presume, the Captain of the 'A' Division?"</p> + + <p>"The 'A' Division! Why, they are miles away! and so are the + 'B' Division."</p> + + <p>"Then, who on earth are you?"</p> + + <p>"Why, surely you know we are the 'C' Division?"</p> + + <p>At this moment the Chief of my Staff again appeared. "Sir," + said he, "are we to advance or retire? I must know at once, + with a view to arranging satisfactorily the requirements of the + Commissariat."</p> + + <p>"One moment, Gentlemen," I replied, and then entered an + inner recess. I searched my pockets, and finding my tossing + half-crown, spun it into the air. I eagerly ascertained the + result.</p> + + <p>"We will advance, Sir," said I to the Chief of the Staff on + my return. And my tone suggested both strong determination and + peremptory command.</p> + <hr /> + + <h2>LULLABY OF AN INFANT SPECULATOR.</h2> + + <h3>1891.</h3> + + <h4>(<i>A long way after Sir Walter Scott.</i>)</h4> + + <blockquote class="note"> + <p>[Packets called "Lucky Sweets," in which the bait is the + chance of "prize gifts," are having a large sale amongst + children.]</p> + </blockquote> + + <div class="figright" + style="width:30%;"> + <a href="images/221-2.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/221-2.png" + alt="An infant speculator." /></a> + </div> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Oh, hush thee, my babie! thy sire is a + "bear,"<a id="footnotetag1" + name="footnotetag1"></a><a href="#footnote1"><sup>1</sup></a></p> + + <p>Thy mother a "booky," both leary and fair,</p> + + <p>And the spirit of bold Speculation, I see,</p> + + <p>Heredity's taint hath stirred early in thee.</p> + + <p class="i2">Oh, two to one bar one! Heigh! dance, + babie, dance!</p> + + <p class="i2">Oh, tiddley-um, diddley-um, back the + off-chance!</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Oh, hear not thy rattle, though loudly it goes;</p> + + <p>Oh, suck not thy fingers! Oh, count not thy + toes!</p> + + <p>The "Last Odds" and "Share List" to thee shall be + read</p> + + <p>To-night ere thou'rt cosily tucked up in bed.</p> + + <p class="i2">Oh, two to one bar one, &c.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Oh, hush thee, my babie! Thy sire will soon + come,</p> + + <p>With "Surprise Packets" for thee. Oh, ain't it + yum-yum?</p> + + <p>And "Lucky Sweets," babie, will catch thine off + eye.</p> + + <p>Not "Hush-a-bye, babie!" but rather, "Buy! Buy!"</p> + + <p class="i2">Oh, two to one bar one, &c.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>My lullaby, babie, 's not that of old nurse;</p> + + <p>The pillow for thee has less charms than the + purse;</p> + + <p>It is not that "Sweets" from those packets you'd + suck;</p> + + <p>No, babie, your yearning's to try your young + luck.</p> + + <p class="i2">Oh, two to one bar one, &c.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>You eagerly buy them, the "Prizes" to seek</p> + + <p>(You "blued" two-and-tenpence, my babie, last + week),</p> + + <p>Those "Lucky Sweets," babie, are babydom's + "play."</p> + + <p>But as for the sweets, why you chuck <i>them</i> + away!</p> + + <p class="i2">Oh, two to one bar one, &c.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Oh, princes may "punt," babie; nobles may + "plunge,"</p> + + <p>But, babie, that chubby fist's cynical lunge</p> + + <p>Means craving for nothing that babyhood + <i>eats</i>:</p> + + <p>No, babie, you'd fain do a "flutter" in sweets.</p> + + <p class="i2">Oh, two to one bar one, &c.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>The tuck-shops, my babie, are well up to date;</p> + + <p>They know Speculation now rules the whole State;</p> + + <p>It sways all the classes, all ages, each sex;</p> + + <p>So now we're provided with "Nursery Specs."</p> + + <p class="i2">Oh, two to one bar one, &c.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Shall Court, Camp and Counter all yield to the + spell</p> + + <p>And Cradledom not be considered as well?</p> + + <p>Shall betting fire Oxford, and gambling witch + Girton,</p> + + <p>And Infancy not put its own little shirt on?</p> + + <p class="i2">Oh, two to one, bar one, &c.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Oh, hush thee, my babie! the time will soon come</p> + + <p>When at Baccarat boards you'll sit sucking your + thumb.</p> + + <p>Meanwhile "Lucky Sweets," babie, buy while you + may,</p> + + <p>They will teach simple childhood the charms of high + play.</p> + + <p class="i2">Oh, two to one, bar one! Heigh! dance, + babie, dance!</p> + + <p class="i2">Oh, tiddley-um, diddley-um, back the + off-chance!</p> + </div> + </div> + + <blockquote class="footnote"> + <a id="footnote1" + name="footnote1"></a><b>Footnote 1:</b> + <a href="#footnotetag1">(return)</a> + + <p>In the Stock Exchange sense, of course.</p> + </blockquote> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page222" + id="page222"></a>[pg 222]</span> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:100%;"> + <a href="images/222.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/222.png" + alt="A DOMESTIC DIAGNOSIS." /></a> + + <h3>A DOMESTIC DIAGNOSIS.</h3> + + <p><i>Jones</i> (<i>who has come with his Wife to call on + the new Neighbours</i>). "WONDER IF THEY'VE BEEN MARRIED + LONG, HYPATIA?"</p> + + <p><i>Mrs. Jones.</i> "OH NO. EVIDENTLY NEWLY-MARRIED."</p> + + <p><i>Jones.</i> "HOW CAN YOU TELL?"</p> + + <p><i>Mrs. Jones.</i> "DRAWING-ROOM SMELLS OF + TOBACCO-SMOKE!"</p> + </div> + <hr /> + + <h2>THE IDLE AND THE INDUSTRIOUS APPRENTICE.</h2> + + <h4>(<i>An Old-fashioned Apologue with a Modern + Application.</i>)</h4> + + <p>GRANDOLH and ARTHUR were two young Apprentices, bound + betimes to the ingenious and estimable Art or Craft of + <i>Cabinet-Making</i>. Both of them were youths of a Sprightly + Genius, and of an Alert Apprehension, attended, in the case of + GRANDOLPH, with a mighty heat and ebullition of Fancy, which + led early to a certain frothiness or ventosity in speech. + ARTHUR, on the other hand, though possessed of excellent Parts, + appeared to be of a more phlegmatic temperament, and took on a + more languorous, not to say saturnine demeanour.</p> + + <p>So it came about that for the time GRANDOLPH seemed to carry + it over his fellow Apprentice, who indeed, amongst superficial + observers, incurred the reproach of indolence and lackadaisical + indifference, and although both were of creditable repute in + the <i>Craft</i>, yet did GRANDOLPH shine the more prominently + and give the greater promise of pre-eminence, ARTHUR seeming + content, as men say, to <i>play second fiddle</i> to the more + pushing Performer.</p> + + <p>'Tis, however, within the purview of the Wise and the common + observation of the Judicious, that <i>things are not always as + they seem!</i></p> + + <p>GRANDOLPH, at an early epoch in his Apprenticeship, did + found a sort of Comradeny or Free Company, which, from the + number of its constituent items, came to be intituled <i>The + Fourth Party</i>, in the which ARTHUR modestly took subordinate + place, with unobtrusive ease and languid resignation. This + Party did push matters in the <i>Craft</i> with a high hand and + a talkative tongue. For as the ingenious Earl of SHAFTESBURY + saith in his <i>Soliloquy</i>, "Company is an extreme + provocative to Fancy, and, like a hot bed in gardening, is apt + to make our Imaginations sprout too fast."</p> + + <p>That GRANDOLPH was obnoxious to this charge of "sprouting + too fast" may seem made manifest by the sequel. He indeed + pushed himself into the front place by dint of copious + verbosity, and militant oppugnancy. But (as the same + SHAFTESBURY saith) where, instead of Controul, Debate, or + Argument, the chief exercise of the wit consists in + uncontroulable Harangues and Reasonings, which must neither be + questioned nor contradicted; there is great danger lest the + Party, thro' this habit, shou'd suffer much by Cruditys, + Indigestions, Choler, bile, and particularly by a certain + <i>tumour</i>, or <i>flatulency</i>, which renders him, of all + men, the least liable to apply the wholesome <i>regimen</i> of + self-practice. 'Tis no wonder if such quaint practitioners grow + to an enormous size of Absurdity, whilst they continue the + reverse of that practice, by which alone we correct the + Redundancy of Humours, and chasten the exuberance of Conceit + and Fancy.</p> + + <p>Whether this particular "quaint practitioner" (our Idle + Apprentice, GRANDOLPH) plagued "the Party" too much with his + "Cruditys, Choler," &c., or whether he found himself unable + to correct his own "Redundancy of Humours," certain it is that, + at the very Pinnacle of Promise, and Height of Achievement, + GRANDOLPH broke his indentures of Apprenticeship, and <i>ran + away!</i></p> + + <p>And now, indeed, came the Opportunity of the true + Industrious Apprentice, the hitherto calm and languid-looking, + but, in verity, valorous, and vigilant, and virile ARTHTUR. + Whereof, to be sure, he made abundant use, burgeoning forth + into full blossom with astonishing suddenness, seizing + Opportunity by the forelock with manly promptitude, and gaining + golden opinions from all sorts of people; so that, after brief + probation, he slipped, by general acclaim, into that very + premier place so strangely, suddenly, and intempestively + abdicated by the Idle Apprentice, GRANDOLPH.</p> + + <p>Concerning the latter, the latest reports are not + reassuring. Like his celebrated prototype of fable, the + ill-fated "Don't Care," he runneth a chance of being "devoured + by lions"! At least he appears to have sought the company of + those parlous beasts in their <i>native Afric wilds</i>. We + hear that "the lions kept him tucked up one night," which same + news (—gathered from a diurnal intituled the Johannesberg + <i>Star</i>—) hath a fearsome and ill-boding sound. That + he is—for the time at least—in every sense "tucked + up," is only too obviously true. Peradventure he may yet think + the better of it, correct his Frothy Distemper and Vagrant + Disposition, and (as the agonising advertisements have it) + return to his friends that all may be forgiven and much + forgotten!</p> + + <p>But the last accounts of him picture him as lying languidly + asprawl <span class="pagenum"><a name="page223" + id="page223"></a>[pg 223]</span> upon a Mausoleum in + Mashonaland, <i>playing dice with himself!</i> The tomb + would indeed appear to be, in the sombre words of the + Mystick Poet:—</p> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>"The vault of his lost Ulalume,"</p> + </div> + </div> + + <p>the runic-sounding word, "Ulalume," being taken perchance as + the African synonym for "Reputation." Whether the cheering word + <i>Resurgam</i> will ever be appropriate to <i>that</i> Tomb + remaineth to be seen. But it would appear only too plain that + GRANDOLPH (in the words of the aforesaid SHAFTESBURY) "hath + been a great frequenter of the woods and river-banks, where he + hath consum'd abundance of his breath, suffer'd his Fancy to + evaporate, and reduc'd the vehemence both of his Spirit and + Voice." In short, that the erst ambitious and aspiring + GRANDOLPH is still content, for the time at least, to play the + part of <i>The Idle Apprentice</i>.</p> + <hr /> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:100%;"> + <a href="images/223.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/223.png" + alt="THE IDLE AND THE INDUSTRIOUS APPRENTICE." /></a> + + <h3>THE IDLE AND THE INDUSTRIOUS APPRENTICE.</h3>(<i>A long + way after Hogarth.</i>) + </div> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page225" + id="page225"></a>[pg 225]</span> + + <h2>"WHYS"—WISE AND OTHERWISE.</h2> + + <h4>(<i>Being Queer Queries.</i>)</h4> + + <div class="figright" + style="width:17%;"> + <a href="images/225-1.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/225-1.png" + alt="" /></a> + </div> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>I wonder why, whene'er a four-</p> + + <p>Wheeler advances to a door,</p> + + <p>(A common thing on Britain's shore,)</p> + + <p class="i2">I wonder why,</p> + + <p>At once some aged man will stand</p> + + <p>And stare until its inmates land,</p> + + <p>As if enchained by something grand,</p> + + <p class="i2">Or weird, or high.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>I wonder why the powers that mend</p> + + <p>The streets should root them up, and rend</p> + + <p>The roads with giant pipes on end</p> + + <p class="i2">And bricks awry,</p> + + <p>Just when we turn to town again;</p> + + <p>Though nothing stirred while West Cockayne</p> + + <p>Lay waste—a huge, deserted lane—</p> + + <p class="i2">I wonder why.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>I wonder why athwart the Row</p> + + <p>Stray loafers linger, loth to go</p> + + <p>Past the mid-crossing, and are so</p> + + <p class="i2">Resolved to die,</p> + + <p>Hoping that, as you gallop near</p> + + <p>You'll maul them by your mad career—</p> + + <p class="i2">I wonder why.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>I wonder why, when theatre Stalls,</p> + + <p>Are "papered" by Professionals,</p> + + <p>And children arch in Thespis' halls</p> + + <p class="i2">Their gambols ply,</p> + + <p>Why the Box-office has the face</p> + + <p>To offer <i>me</i>, who book place—</p> + + <p>A Stall that would the Pit disgrace,</p> + + <p class="i2">I wonder why.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>I wonder why, whenever pressed</p> + + <p>A little money to invest</p> + + <p>In something which is quite the best</p> + + <p class="i2">Affair to buy,</p> + + <p>I <i>always</i> read next morning that</p> + + <p>Not <i>I</i>, but it (in parlance pat</p> + + <p>Of City articles) was "Flat,"</p> + + <p class="i2">I wonder why.</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + + <h3>Contribution towards Nursery Rhymes.</h3> + + <h4>(<i>For Use of Infant Students in New School of Dramatic + Art.</i>)</h4> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>'Tis the voice of the Prompter,</p> + + <p class="i2">I hear him quite plain;</p> + + <p>He has prompted me twice,</p> + + <p class="i2">Let him prompt me again.</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + + <h2>THE PRETTY SIMPLETON.</h2> + + <blockquote class="note"> + <p>[The <i>Spectator</i> warns men against marrying + simpletons, pointing out that "there is no bore on earth + equal to the woman who can neither talk nor listen, and who + has no mental interests in common with her husband."]</p> + </blockquote> + + <div class="figright" + style="width:33%;"> + <a href="images/225-2.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/225-2.png" + alt="The Pretty Simpleton." /></a> + </div> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>When fair BELINDA sweetly smiles,</p> + + <p class="i2">And airily before you trips,</p> + + <p>You're captured by her artless wiles,</p> + + <p class="i2">And must admire her rosy lips.</p> + + <p>You know that she is very fair,</p> + + <p class="i2">You see that she has splendid eyes;</p> + + <p>But ah, rash lover, have a care,</p> + + <p class="i2">And find out if BELINDA's wise.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>For beauty, trust us, is not all</p> + + <p class="i2">A wife in these days should possess;</p> + + <p>Her conversation's apt to pall,</p> + + <p class="i2">If she can talk of naught but dress.</p> + + <p>She need not be too deeply read,</p> + + <p class="i2">You do not want a priggish bride;</p> + + <p>But still take care the pretty head</p> + + <p class="i2">Can boast some little brain inside.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>In courtship all she said was sweet,</p> + + <p class="i2">For you had died to win a glance;</p> + + <p>Her little platitudes seemed neat,</p> + + <p class="i2">Breathed 'mid the pauses of the + dance.</p> + + <p>You would have felt a heartless fiend</p> + + <p class="i2">To criticise, when by her side;</p> + + <p>Nor would the lady have demeaned</p> + + <p class="i2">Herself to answer, had you tried.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>But when you've won her for a wife,</p> + + <p class="i2">And ante-nuptial glamour dies,</p> + + <p>What food for matrimonial strife</p> + + <p class="i2">Her crass inconsequent replies.</p> + + <p>How terrible to find her dense,</p> + + <p class="i2">And never grasping what you mean;</p> + + <p>You'll think one gleam of common sense</p> + + <p class="i2">Worth more than finest eyes e'er + seen.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Days come when love no longer gives</p> + + <p class="i2">Illusions as in hours of yore;</p> + + <p>And hapless is the man who lives</p> + + <p class="i2">To find his wife become a bore.</p> + + <p>Then keep, if you'd avoid that day,</p> + + <p class="i2">The wise <i>Spectator's</i> golden + rule:</p> + + <p>Don't be by beauty led away,</p> + + <p class="i2">And choose for wife a pretty fool.</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + + <p>In the <i>Times'</i> book advertisement column, the S.P.C.K. + announces the following new publication:—</p> + + <blockquote> + <p>THE OUSE. By the Rev. A.J. FOSTER, M.A.</p> + </blockquote> + + <p>This, we suppose, is the first of a new unaspirated ARRY + SERIES. The next Volume being <i>The Ome</i>, and, after that, + <i>Books of Ighgate, Amsted, Olloway, and other Ills</i>.</p> + <hr /> + + <h2>OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.</h2> + + <div class="figleft" + style="width:30%;"> + <a href="images/225-3.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/225-3.png" + alt="The Baron de Book-Worms." /></a> + </div> + + <p>The Baron recognises, with pleasure, the actuality of the + dramatic scenes <i>In Cambridge Courts</i>, by Mr. LEHMANN. The + dialogues during rehearsal at the A.D.C., and of the Classic + Play, are about the best of the many best things in the book. + Mightily disappointed is the Baron with Mr. J.H. SHORTHOUSE's + <i>Lady Falaise</i>, which, beginning so strongly, ends so + feebly. Powerful it promised to be; exciting it promised to be; + but weak it becomes, and, now and again, wearisome. Sorry for + this is</p> + + <p class="author">THE BARON DE BOOK-WORMS.</p> + <hr /> + + <h2>QUERIES FOR CANDIDATES (L.C.C.)</h2> + + <h4>(<i>What they may come to.</i>)</h4> + + <p>As the County Council now has power over the Tramways of + London, will you pledge yourself to see that smoking carriages, + comfortable cushions, waiting-rooms at street-corners, and + constant civility, are provided for passengers?</p> + + <p>Will you abolish the irritating and nefarious Ticket + System?</p> + + <p>How long do you think it will be before the electric light + is universally established in the cars?</p> + + <p>What is your view as to the provision of suitable places for + wet umbrellas?</p> + + <p>Will you at once vote for "Free or Assisted Locomotion"?</p> + + <p>If a wheel of your private carriage comes off owing to + skidding in the Tramway line, will you pledge yourself not to + bring any claim for compensation against the Rates?</p> + + <p>Will you vote for the summary dismissal of any Conductor who + proceeds to count the passengers after being informed that he + is "full inside"?</p> + + <p>Is it a fact that you have promised to introduce "Pullman + Palace Restaurant Cars, with free lunches," on the Tram-lines? + If so, do you contemplate providing the cost out of your own + resources, or how?</p> + + <p>You state in your Address to the Electors that you "are + desirous of reducing the hours of Tram <i>employés</i> to four + a day, with two months' holiday in the year, and of giving a + general rise of wages up to about £2 extra per week." Will you + kindly say how you reconcile this desire with your expressed + intention to "run the concern on the most economical plan, so + as to save the pockets of the Ratepayers"?</p> + + <p>It is reported that you have pledged yourself, if elected, + to see that the Tram Conductors "get their Saturday to Monday + at Brighton as a regular thing." How do you propose to carry + out this part of your programme?</p> + + <p>Do you consider yourself justified, in face of the above + statements, in characterising the rival Candidate for the + Council as "attempting to catch the Labour Vote by an impudent + combination of insincere flattery, and fraudulent + promises"?</p> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page226" + id="page226"></a>[pg 226]</span> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:100%;"> + <a href="images/226.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/226.png" + alt="MR. PUNCH ON TOUR. A REMINISCENCE OF THE RYDE SEASON." /> + </a> + + <h3>MR. PUNCH ON TOUR. A REMINISCENCE OF THE RYDE + SEASON.</h3> + </div> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page227" + id="page227"></a>[pg 227]</span> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:100%;"> + <a href="images/227.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/227.png" + alt="A RECOMMENDATION." /></a> + + <h3>A RECOMMENDATION.</h3><i>Dealer</i>. "NOW THERE'S + HACTION FOR YOU, SIR! PUTS HER FEET DOWN AS IF SHE WAS A + STEPPIN' ON HEGGSHELLS, DON'T SHE, SIR?" + </div> + <hr /> + + <h2>"BELOW THE BELT!"</h2> + + <h4>(<i>Extracts from the Political "Fistiana" of the + Period.</i>)</h4> + + <h4>I.—<i>By the "Brummagem Bantam" (as reported in the + "Injudicious Bottleholder").</i></h4> + + <p>"The 'Arwarden Old 'Un, Gemmen? Lor bless yer, <i>he</i> + ain't no account, nohow. Can't 'it a 'ole in a pound o' butter, + <i>'e</i> can't. Allus <i>was</i> a muff and a muddler; + middling showy style, and a bit dodgy with his dooks, but + neither a slogger <i>nor</i> a stayer, and, atween you and me + and the post, allus ready to hist the white feather when 'ard + pressed. Wot's that you say? <i>His</i> 'Travelling Company'? A + reglar swindle, and a fair frost, Gemmen. Went 'round the + country' on false purtences, and never did no good nowheres. + Awful poor lot o' Pugs, <i>that</i> gang. Not in it with the + ''Atfield Combination Troupe,' as <i>can</i> fight a bit, and + 'as some smart scrappers in it. No, Gemmen, the 'Old 'Un' + <i>allus were</i> a fraud. Couldn't stand up to a Froggy, + <i>'e</i> couldn't. His Company muddled the 'ole bag o' tricks, + and made a hawful mess of it. Ah, and <i>would</i> agen, mark + yer, if they got the chance. Should a'most like to see 'em + <i>'ave</i> another shy, if only for the bloomin' fun o' the + thing; but it 'ud be a bit too expensive, and bring discredit + on our Noble Hart, besides."</p> + + <p>(<i>Comments of the I.B.H. "Brayco, Brummagem Bantam! His + style of hitting is straight and smart, in the ring or out of + it. Hope the over-rated Hawardian Old 'Un and his Company + relish the pepper young JOE has administered to the shifty + Veteran and his parasitic 'Items'!"</i>)</p> + + <h4>II.—<i>From the "Newcastle Nobbler," alias "Honest + JOHN."</i></h4> + + <p>"Werry much surprised to see as that windictive Bounder, the + 'Brummagem Bantam,' has bin a letting out wicious like at his + old pals, the 'Arwarden Old 'Un and his Pugilistic Company. + '<i>They</i> was muffs and muddlers,' he sez. Well, he ought to + ha' said 'we,' considerin' as <i>he wos one on 'em</i>!!! The + Old 'Un was his first patron, and me and other members of the + Company his pertikler pals, and <i>then</i> he used for to + crack us all up sky-high. <i>Now</i> he rounds on us for + 'making a mess of it.' Well, praps if <i>all</i> wos + knowed—but no matter! Only, to quarrel with your old + pals, and then go about a-sneerin' and a-jeerin' at them for + wot you yerself wos a party to, <i>I</i> call 'hitting below + the belt'"!</p> + + <p>(<i>Comments of the I.B.H. "Bosh! 'Honest JOHN' is a shrew, + and not a Practical Pug. Is one prizefighter never to criticise + another's style because he's once been in the same Company with + him? Might as well say he must therefore never improve his own + style. Besides, any stick is good enough to beat the Grand Old + Pug-dog with!"</i>)</p> + + <h4>III.—<i>Rejoinder of the "Brummagem Bantam."</i></h4> + + <p>"'Itting below the belt be jolly well blowed! Honest JOHN + don't believe a word 'e sez—it's ony his narsty spite. + Makes hisself the wiaduck for the 'Arwarden Gang's witrol and + winegar, <i>e</i>' do. In course I wos one o' the Old 'Un's + Company, wus luck! But I've larned a bit since then. Wot do + <i>you</i> think? When I larruped my old pals, and called 'em + mugs, messers, and muddlers, in corse I included myself, + tacit-like. <i>But there was no call for to say so!</i> As to + not showing of 'em up acos I wos one of + 'em—Wal<i>ker</i>!!! If <i>that's</i> the Newcastle + Nobbler's 'theory' of fair-play, 'e may jest go 'ome and eat + coke!"</p> + + <p>(<i>Comments of the I.B.H. "The B.B. is quite right. If a + Pug may not round on his old pals for doing what he helped them + to do, it follows that he himself must never try to do better. + Which is absurd! Go it, JOE!"</i>)</p> + + <h4>IV.—<i>Surrejoinder from "Honest JOHN."</i></h4> + + <p>"My 'theory' ain't a bit wot the B.B. says it is. My + 'theory' is that it's mean, and unfair, and unperfessional to + curry favour with one's present backers by 'olding hup one's + old pals to public redicule for doing wot we 'elped 'em to do, + and at the time praised 'em <i>for</i> doin'. I call that + 'hitting below the belt!' And I believe every 'onest and manly + Pug from FIGG to SAYERS would ha' said ditter to ''Onest JOHN.' + That's all, Gemmen!"</p> + + <p>(<i>Comment of the I.B.H. "Bosh! JOE's style of hitting is + no doubt uncomfortable—for the Old 'Un and his pals. + THAT'S EXACTLY WHY WE LIKE IT! What's the use of hitting above + the belt only when the foe's only vulnerable below it? We + rejoice to see the B.B. knocking the sawdust out of the Grand + Old Fistic Fetish, and squelching the cant and claptrap out of + 'Honest JOHN.'"</i>)</p> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page228" + id="page228"></a>[pg 228]</span> + + <h2>STORICULES.</h2> + + <h3>VII.—GAZEY.</h3> + + <p>"You're the fust pineter whort I've knowed," said JULIA + SANBY, demurely. "Father works at a plumber's, but 'e ain't + industr'us. 'E ain't a good man. An' mother drinks. Orful!"</p> + + <p>JULIA SANBY had consented, in consideration of money + received, to let me make a sketch of her. She was a tall thin + child, with a dirty and very intelligent face, great grey eyes, + and long reddish hair. She was very bright and talkative; and + yet she amazed me by being distinctly sanctimonious. She looked + critically round my studio on her entrance.</p> + + <div class="figleft" + style="width:30%;"> + <a href="images/228-1.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/228-1.png" + alt="Gazey." /></a> + </div> + + <p>"You ain't got no tex' 'ung up," she remarked, + disparagingly. "We 'as two tex' in our kitching. I 'ung 'em up + myself. An' father beat me for it. But I didn't keer, 'cos I + knew I wos doin' good."</p> + + <p>She pressed her thin lips together, and looked like a + mangled martyr.</p> + + <p>"Do you go to Sunday School?" I asked, as I got to work.</p> + + <p>"I goes reggler, an' I'm first in the School, and I knows + more colics than any of 'em, excep' teachers. I ain't like + GAZEY."</p> + + <p>"Who's GAZEY?"</p> + + <p>"She's a girl what I 'ites. She's a bad girl. We calls 'er + GAZEY, 'cos it's short for GEHAZI; but that ain't 'er real + nime. She's a liar. She's allus tellin' lies—seems as if + she couldn't storp doin' it." JULIA SANBY sighed sadly.</p> + + <p>"What kind of lies?"</p> + + <p>"She don't tell no lies to get 'erself out of nothin'; 'cos + she's so bad that she don't keer whort rows she gets inter. But + she tells other sorts. She just sits up on the fence what goes + roun' the green, an' mikes up things, an' a lot of the children + ain't got no more sense than to sit roun' an' listen to 'er. + That just mikes 'er worse. She sits theer, a-tellin' stories, + an' sweerin' they're all true. You never 'eard such + stories."</p> + + <p>"What are they all about?"</p> + + <p>"Mostly about gran' things an' wunnerful things—kings, + an' carridges, an' angels, an' firewux, an' dreams what she + says she's 'ad. An' she'll sweer they're true. My word, it is + wicked of 'er! She's allus pretennin' to be things what she + ain't, too. One Sat'dy arf'noon she said she was a steam-injun. + An' she got 'old of a little boy, BOB COLLINGS, and said 'e was + the tender. An' BOB COLLINGS 'ad to foller close be'ind 'er all + that arf'noon, else she'd a' nigh killed 'im. 'E got rather + tired, because she kept runnin' about, bein' a express an' + 'avin' cerlishuns. Lawst of all she wived 'er awms about, and + mide a kind o' whooshin' noise. 'Now,' she said, 'my biler's + bust, an' I'm done for!' So she lay flat on the wet groun', an' + the tender went 'ome to 'is tea."</p> + + <p>"What's she like to look at?"</p> + + <p>JULIA SANBY confessed, with apparent reluctance, that GAZEY + was very pretty. "She's prettier nor I am, nor any of the other + childrun roun' 'ere. She's got golding 'air, an' blue eyes. But + I 'ite 'er, 'cos she's so bad, an' 'cos she mikes the other + children bad. I don't never listen to none of 'er mike-ups + now."</p> + + <p>"Would she let me make a sketch of her?"</p> + + <p>"Dunno. You wouldn't like 'er. She's low in the wye she + talks. The new curick don't like 'er. Nobody don't like + 'er."</p> + + <p>Now, just in this sentence, I fancied that the + sanctimoniousness of JULIA SANBY had become mixed with some + real feeling. I also reflected on the fact that, although most + children are egoists, JULIA SANBY seemed to take more pleasure + in talking about GAZEY than in discussing herself. I had + distinct suspicions.</p> + + <p>"Could you remember any of GAZEY's stories?"</p> + + <p>"Might, p'raps."</p> + + <p>"Go on, then. Tell me one."</p> + + <p>She began a story, which was obviously an improvisation, + with little incidents taken from other stories added to it. It + was full of the wildest imaginings. She told it without the + least nervousness or embarrassment. Her assumption of + demureness and sanctity vanished utterly. She became vivid and + dramatic. "An' I'd tike my gorspil oath it's all true," she + added, at the conclusion, as if from force of habit.</p> + + <p>"JULIA SANBY," I said, "GAZEY has not got golden hair nor + blue eyes, neither is she pretty. <i>You</i> are GAZEY."</p> + + <p>"I swear I ain't. I'm a good girl, and knows my colics; + GAZEY's something orful."</p> + + <p>"Very well," I answered, and went on finishing the sketch, + as though I took no interest in her. After a few seconds' + silence, she added, quite calmly,</p> + + <p>"Owdjer know? I can pretend proper, cawn't I? But I 'adn't + never talked about myself as if I was someone else afore. That + pickshur ain't much like me."</p> + + <p>"It will be when it's finished. Come to-morrow at the same + time."</p> + + <p>"Do you think I'm a liar?"</p> + + <p>"You're either a liar or an artist, but I'm not sure + which."</p> + + <p>GAZEY put on her exceedingly frowsy hat. "The new curick + needn't a bin so cock-sure about it then. G'mornin'."</p> + <hr /> + + <h3>THE LATEST FROM BOBBY.</h3> + + <h4>(<i>An intercepted Letter.</i>)</h4> + + <p class="author"><i>Schoolhouse, Swishborough.</i></p> + + <p class="author"><i>Thursday.</i></p> + + <div class="figright" + style="width:20%;"> + <a href="images/228-2.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/228-2.png" + alt="Bobby." /></a> + </div> + + <p>DEAREST DARLING MOTHER,</p> + + <p>I was so glad to get the hamper, and it has done me much + good, all the fellows were pleased with the cake, and the + sardines were first-rate, and the potted stuffs were awfully + good. I am sorry you forgot the bottles of acidulated drops, + but you can send them in the next hamper as soon as you like. + There are only sixty-two days to the holidays—1688 hours + including nights! Isn't that jolly!</p> + + <p>And now, my dear Mother, I want to write most seriously to + you upon a matter of great importance. You know I have been + doing "Music" as an "extra." Well, it does not agree with me. + The fact is, it is an hour every week in my playtime, when the + Doctor says it is good for my health that I should be enjoying + myself. And "Music" is an extra, like "Sausages for breakfast." + And, of course, one has to think of all that. How hard dear + Papa works to get his living; and, of course, I oughtn't to + waste anything, ought I? Well, I really think I could give up + "Music." After all, it's awful rot, and only fit for a pack of + girls! So this is the great favour I'm going to ask + you—and mind you say "Yes." May I give up "Music," and + take up "Sausages for breakfast" instead?</p> + + <p class="author">Always your most loving Son, BOBBY.</p> + <hr /> + + <h3>IF THE FASHION SPREADS.</h3> + + <blockquote> + <p>SCENE—<i>Interior of a Fashionable Church. The</i> + Incumbent <i>has read the Banns of Marriage between</i> + JOHN PLANTAGENET DE SMITH <i>and</i> MARY STUART DE BROWN, + <i>and asks the usual question.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>Counsel</i> (<i>rising in pew</i>). I beg to object.</p> + + <p><i>Incumbent</i> (<i>surprised, but self-possessed</i>). You + will be good enough to communicate with us in the Vestry, at + the end of the service,</p> + + <p><i>Counsel</i>. But I prefer to raise my objections at once. + I may say, Reverend Sir, that I am here on behalf of Mr. JOHN + PLANTAGENET DE SMITH, who is my client. I am instructed by the + Messrs. CAPIAS of Bedford Row, and I contend that since the + Members of the London County Council have instructed counsel to + appear on their behalf at meetings in which they themselves act + judicially, the right extends to Places of Public Worship.</p> + + <p><i>Incumbent</i>. Perhaps we might hear you later. If you + were kind enough to raise your objections in the Vestry, it + would be—</p> + + <p><i>Counsel</i> (<i>interrupting</i>). Pardon me, that would + scarcely be satisfactory. We do not wish any hole-and-corner + agitation. I am instructed by my client to say, that he courts + the fullest investigation. Now, the facts are these:—</p> + + <blockquote> + <p>[<i>Gives the facts, and ends an eloquent speech with a + magnificent peroration.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>Incumbent</i>. In consequence of the rather long argument + of our dear and learned brother, the customary quarter of an + hour's sermon will not be given on this occasion. + [<i>Curtain.</i></p> + <hr /> + + <p>AL FRESCO OPERA.—<i>Cavalleria Rusticana</i> at the + Royal Shaftesbury, and <i>Le Rêve</i> in the Winter (Covent) + Garden kept by Ex-Sheriff DRURIOLANUS. "About the latter," says + Sir DRURIOLANUS, "some enthusiasts quite <i>rave</i>. See?" + (<i>Exit Ex-Sheriff, to note this down for the forthcoming + Pantomime.</i>)</p> + <hr /> + + <p>NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, + whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any + description, will in no case be returned, not even when + accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or + Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.</p> + <hr class="full" /> + +<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 14067 ***</div> +</body> +</html> diff --git a/14067-h/images/217-1.png b/14067-h/images/217-1.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..e3c7121 --- /dev/null +++ b/14067-h/images/217-1.png diff --git a/14067-h/images/217-2.png b/14067-h/images/217-2.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a5152db --- /dev/null +++ b/14067-h/images/217-2.png diff --git a/14067-h/images/218.png b/14067-h/images/218.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..d74858c --- /dev/null +++ b/14067-h/images/218.png diff --git a/14067-h/images/219-1.png b/14067-h/images/219-1.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..cba6825 --- /dev/null +++ b/14067-h/images/219-1.png diff --git a/14067-h/images/219-2.png b/14067-h/images/219-2.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..6108040 --- /dev/null +++ b/14067-h/images/219-2.png diff --git a/14067-h/images/220.png b/14067-h/images/220.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..843301f --- /dev/null +++ b/14067-h/images/220.png diff --git a/14067-h/images/221-1.png b/14067-h/images/221-1.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..8391bf3 --- /dev/null +++ b/14067-h/images/221-1.png diff --git a/14067-h/images/221-2.png b/14067-h/images/221-2.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..612ff7b --- /dev/null +++ b/14067-h/images/221-2.png diff --git a/14067-h/images/222.png b/14067-h/images/222.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..039afb2 --- /dev/null +++ b/14067-h/images/222.png diff --git a/14067-h/images/223.png b/14067-h/images/223.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..956a5c3 --- /dev/null +++ b/14067-h/images/223.png diff --git a/14067-h/images/225-1.png b/14067-h/images/225-1.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..d17f97f --- /dev/null +++ b/14067-h/images/225-1.png diff --git a/14067-h/images/225-2.png b/14067-h/images/225-2.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..d774249 --- /dev/null +++ b/14067-h/images/225-2.png diff --git a/14067-h/images/225-3.png b/14067-h/images/225-3.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..f0d8069 --- /dev/null +++ b/14067-h/images/225-3.png diff --git a/14067-h/images/226.png b/14067-h/images/226.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..651579c --- /dev/null +++ b/14067-h/images/226.png diff --git a/14067-h/images/227.png b/14067-h/images/227.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..99ab04a --- /dev/null +++ b/14067-h/images/227.png diff --git a/14067-h/images/228-1.png b/14067-h/images/228-1.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..46c55f0 --- /dev/null +++ b/14067-h/images/228-1.png diff --git a/14067-h/images/228-2.png b/14067-h/images/228-2.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..2c03e46 --- /dev/null +++ b/14067-h/images/228-2.png |
