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diff --git a/old/old/files/relative.htm b/old/old/files/relative.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f095918 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/old/files/relative.htm @@ -0,0 +1,24490 @@ +<?xml version="1.0" encoding="iso-8859-1"?> + +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" > +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en"> + <head> + <title> + Great Expectations, by Charles Dickens + </title> + <style type="text/css"> + <!-- + body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify} + P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } + hr { width: 50%; text-align: center;} + .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; } + blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;} + .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;} + .toc2 { margin-left: 20%;} + .indent5 { margin-left: 5%;} + .indent10 { margin-left: 10%;} + .indent15 { margin-left: 15%;} + .indent20 { margin-left: 20%;} + .indent30 { margin-left: 30%;} + div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; } + div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; } + .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;} + .figright {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;} + .pagenum {display:inline; font-size: 100%; font-style:normal; + margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%; + text-align: right;} + .side { float: left; font-size: 75%; width: 25%; padding-left: 0.8em; + border-left: dashed thin; text-align: left; + text-indent: 0; font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; + font-weight: bold; color: black; background: #eeeeee; border: solid 1px;} + p.pfirst, p.noindent {text-indent: 0} + span.dropcap { float: left; margin: 0 0.1em 0 0; line-height: 0.8 } + pre { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;} + --> +</style> + </head> + <body> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Great Expectations, by Charles Dickens + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Great Expectations + +Author: Charles Dickens + +Release Date: August 20, 2008 [EBook #1400] +Last updated: December 11, 2014 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK GREAT EXPECTATIONS *** + + + + +Produced by An Anonymous Volunteer, and David Widger + + + + + +</pre> + + +<p> + <br /> + </p> +<hr /> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <h1> + GREAT EXPECTATIONS + </h1> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <h3> + [1867 Edition] + </h3> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <h2> + by Charles Dickens + </h2> + +<div class="fig" > + <img src="images/0012m.jpg" alt="0012m " /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/0012.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <blockquote> + <p class="toc"> + <big><b>CONTENTS</b></big> + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0001"> Chapter I </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0002"> Chapter II </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0003"> Chapter III </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0004"> Chapter IV </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0005"> Chapter V </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0006"> Chapter VI </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0007"> Chapter VII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0008"> Chapter VIII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0009"> Chapter IX </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0010"> Chapter X </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0011"> Chapter XI </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0012"> Chapter XII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0013"> Chapter XIII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0014"> Chapter XIV </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0015"> Chapter XV </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0016"> Chapter XVI </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0017"> Chapter XVII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0018"> Chapter XVIII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0019"> Chapter XIX </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0020"> Chapter XX </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0021"> Chapter XXI </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0022"> Chapter XXII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0023"> Chapter XXIII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0024"> Chapter XXIV </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0025"> Chapter XXV </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0026"> Chapter XXVI </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0027"> Chapter XXVII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0028"> Chapter XXVIII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0029"> Chapter XXIX </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0030"> Chapter XXX </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0031"> Chapter XXXI </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0032"> Chapter XXXII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0033"> Chapter XXXIII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0034"> Chapter XXXIV </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0035"> Chapter XXXV </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0036"> Chapter XXXVI </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0037"> Chapter XXXVII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0038"> Chapter XXXVIII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0039"> Chapter XXXIX </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0040"> Chapter XL </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0041"> Chapter XLI </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0042"> Chapter XLII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0043"> Chapter XLIII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0044"> Chapter XLIV </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0045"> Chapter XLV </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0046"> Chapter XLVI </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0047"> Chapter XLVII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0048"> Chapter XLVIII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0049"> Chapter XLIX </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0050"> Chapter L </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0051"> Chapter LI </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0052"> Chapter LII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0053"> Chapter LIII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0054"> Chapter LIV </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0055"> Chapter LV </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0056"> Chapter LVI </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0057"> Chapter LVII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0058"> Chapter LVIII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0059"> Chapter LIX </a> + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <a name="link2HCH0001" id="link2HCH0001"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <h2> + Chapter I + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">M</span>y father's family name being Pirrip, and my Christian name Philip, my + infant tongue could make of both names nothing longer or more explicit + than Pip. So, I called myself Pip, and came to be called Pip. + </p> + <p> + I give Pirrip as my father's family name, on the authority of his + tombstone and my sister,—Mrs. Joe Gargery, who married the + blacksmith. As I never saw my father or my mother, and never saw any + likeness of either of them (for their days were long before the days of + photographs), my first fancies regarding what they were like were + unreasonably derived from their tombstones. The shape of the letters on my + father's, gave me an odd idea that he was a square, stout, dark man, with + curly black hair. From the character and turn of the inscription, "<i>Also + Georgiana Wife of the Above</i>," I drew a childish conclusion that my mother + was freckled and sickly. To five little stone lozenges, each about a foot + and a half long, which were arranged in a neat row beside their grave, and + were sacred to the memory of five little brothers of mine,—who gave + up trying to get a living, exceedingly early in that universal struggle,—I + am indebted for a belief I religiously entertained that they had all been + born on their backs with their hands in their trousers-pockets, and had + never taken them out in this state of existence. + </p> + <p> + Ours was the marsh country, down by the river, within, as the river wound, + twenty miles of the sea. My first most vivid and broad impression of the + identity of things seems to me to have been gained on a memorable raw + afternoon towards evening. At such a time I found out for certain that + this bleak place overgrown with nettles was the churchyard; and that + Philip Pirrip, late of this parish, and also Georgiana wife of the above, + were dead and buried; and that Alexander, Bartholomew, Abraham, Tobias, + and Roger, infant children of the aforesaid, were also dead and buried; + and that the dark flat wilderness beyond the churchyard, intersected with + dikes and mounds and gates, with scattered cattle feeding on it, was the + marshes; and that the low leaden line beyond was the river; and that the + distant savage lair from which the wind was rushing was the sea; and that + the small bundle of shivers growing afraid of it all and beginning to cry, + was Pip. + </p> + <p> + "Hold your noise!" cried a terrible voice, as a man started up from among + the graves at the side of the church porch. "Keep still, you little devil, + or I'll cut your throat!" + </p> + <p> + A fearful man, all in coarse gray, with a great iron on his leg. A man + with no hat, and with broken shoes, and with an old rag tied round his + head. A man who had been soaked in water, and smothered in mud, and lamed + by stones, and cut by flints, and stung by nettles, and torn by briars; + who limped, and shivered, and glared, and growled; and whose teeth + chattered in his head as he seized me by the chin. + </p> + <p> + "Oh! Don't cut my throat, sir," I pleaded in terror. "Pray don't do it, + sir." + </p> + <p> + "Tell us your name!" said the man. "Quick!" + </p> + <p> + "Pip, sir." + </p> + <p> + "Once more," said the man, staring at me. "Give it mouth!" + </p> + <p> + "Pip. Pip, sir." + </p> + <p> + "Show us where you live," said the man. "Pint out the place!" + </p> + <p> + I pointed to where our village lay, on the flat in-shore among the + alder-trees and pollards, a mile or more from the church. + </p> + <p> + The man, after looking at me for a moment, turned me upside down, and + emptied my pockets. There was nothing in them but a piece of bread. When + the church came to itself,—for he was so sudden and strong that he + made it go head over heels before me, and I saw the steeple under my feet,—when + the church came to itself, I say, I was seated on a high tombstone, + trembling while he ate the bread ravenously. + </p> +<div class="fig" > + <img src="images/0037m.jpg" alt="0037m " /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/0037.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + "You young dog," said the man, licking his lips, "what fat cheeks you ha' + got." + </p> + <p> + I believe they were fat, though I was at that time undersized for my + years, and not strong. + </p> + <p> + "Darn me if I couldn't eat em," said the man, with a threatening shake of + his head, "and if I han't half a mind to't!" + </p> + <p> + I earnestly expressed my hope that he wouldn't, and held tighter to the + tombstone on which he had put me; partly, to keep myself upon it; partly, + to keep myself from crying. + </p> + <p> + "Now lookee here!" said the man. "Where's your mother?" + </p> + <p> + "There, sir!" said I. + </p> + <p> + He started, made a short run, and stopped and looked over his shoulder. + </p> + <p> + "There, sir!" I timidly explained. "Also Georgiana. That's my mother." + </p> + <p> + "Oh!" said he, coming back. "And is that your father alonger your mother?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, sir," said I; "him too; late of this parish." + </p> + <p> + "Ha!" he muttered then, considering. "Who d'ye live with,—supposin' + you're kindly let to live, which I han't made up my mind about?" + </p> + <p> + "My sister, sir,—Mrs. Joe Gargery,—wife of Joe Gargery, the + blacksmith, sir." + </p> + <p> + "Blacksmith, eh?" said he. And looked down at his leg. + </p> + <p> + After darkly looking at his leg and me several times, he came closer to my + tombstone, took me by both arms, and tilted me back as far as he could + hold me; so that his eyes looked most powerfully down into mine, and mine + looked most helplessly up into his. + </p> + <p> + "Now lookee here," he said, "the question being whether you're to be let + to live. You know what a file is?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, sir." + </p> + <p> + "And you know what wittles is?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, sir." + </p> + <p> + After each question he tilted me over a little more, so as to give me a + greater sense of helplessness and danger. + </p> + <p> + "You get me a file." He tilted me again. "And you get me wittles." He + tilted me again. "You bring 'em both to me." He tilted me again. "Or I'll + have your heart and liver out." He tilted me again. + </p> + <p> + I was dreadfully frightened, and so giddy that I clung to him with both + hands, and said, "If you would kindly please to let me keep upright, sir, + perhaps I shouldn't be sick, and perhaps I could attend more." + </p> + <p> + He gave me a most tremendous dip and roll, so that the church jumped over + its own weathercock. Then, he held me by the arms, in an upright position + on the top of the stone, and went on in these fearful terms:— + </p> + <p> + "You bring me, to-morrow morning early, that file and them wittles. You + bring the lot to me, at that old Battery over yonder. You do it, and you + never dare to say a word or dare to make a sign concerning your having + seen such a person as me, or any person sumever, and you shall be let to + live. You fail, or you go from my words in any partickler, no matter how + small it is, and your heart and your liver shall be tore out, roasted, and + ate. Now, I ain't alone, as you may think I am. There's a young man hid + with me, in comparison with which young man I am a Angel. That young man + hears the words I speak. That young man has a secret way pecooliar to + himself, of getting at a boy, and at his heart, and at his liver. It is in + wain for a boy to attempt to hide himself from that young man. A boy may + lock his door, may be warm in bed, may tuck himself up, may draw the + clothes over his head, may think himself comfortable and safe, but that + young man will softly creep and creep his way to him and tear him open. I + am a keeping that young man from harming of you at the present moment, + with great difficulty. I find it wery hard to hold that young man off of + your inside. Now, what do you say?" + </p> + <p> + I said that I would get him the file, and I would get him what broken bits + of food I could, and I would come to him at the Battery, early in the + morning. + </p> + <p> + "Say Lord strike you dead if you don't!" said the man. + </p> + <p> + I said so, and he took me down. + </p> + <p> + "Now," he pursued, "you remember what you've undertook, and you remember + that young man, and you get home!" + </p> + <p> + "Goo-good night, sir," I faltered. + </p> + <p> + "Much of that!" said he, glancing about him over the cold wet flat. "I + wish I was a frog. Or a eel!" + </p> + <p> + At the same time, he hugged his shuddering body in both his arms,—clasping + himself, as if to hold himself together,—and limped towards the low + church wall. As I saw him go, picking his way among the nettles, and among + the brambles that bound the green mounds, he looked in my young eyes as if + he were eluding the hands of the dead people, stretching up cautiously out + of their graves, to get a twist upon his ankle and pull him in. + </p> + <p> + When he came to the low church wall, he got over it, like a man whose legs + were numbed and stiff, and then turned round to look for me. When I saw + him turning, I set my face towards home, and made the best use of my legs. + But presently I looked over my shoulder, and saw him going on again + towards the river, still hugging himself in both arms, and picking his way + with his sore feet among the great stones dropped into the marshes here + and there, for stepping-places when the rains were heavy or the tide was + in. + </p> + <p> + The marshes were just a long black horizontal line then, as I stopped to + look after him; and the river was just another horizontal line, not nearly + so broad nor yet so black; and the sky was just a row of long angry red + lines and dense black lines intermixed. On the edge of the river I could + faintly make out the only two black things in all the prospect that seemed + to be standing upright; one of these was the beacon by which the sailors + steered,—like an unhooped cask upon a pole,—an ugly thing when + you were near it; the other, a gibbet, with some chains hanging to it + which had once held a pirate. The man was limping on towards this latter, + as if he were the pirate come to life, and come down, and going back to + hook himself up again. It gave me a terrible turn when I thought so; and + as I saw the cattle lifting their heads to gaze after him, I wondered + whether they thought so too. I looked all round for the horrible young + man, and could see no signs of him. But now I was frightened again, and + ran home without stopping. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0002" id="link2HCH0002"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter II + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">M</span>y sister, Mrs. Joe Gargery, was more than twenty years older than I, and + had established a great reputation with herself and the neighbors because + she had brought me up "by hand." Having at that time to find out for + myself what the expression meant, and knowing her to have a hard and heavy + hand, and to be much in the habit of laying it upon her husband as well as + upon me, I supposed that Joe Gargery and I were both brought up by hand. + </p> + <p> + She was not a good-looking woman, my sister; and I had a general + impression that she must have made Joe Gargery marry her by hand. Joe was + a fair man, with curls of flaxen hair on each side of his smooth face, and + with eyes of such a very undecided blue that they seemed to have somehow + got mixed with their own whites. He was a mild, good-natured, + sweet-tempered, easy-going, foolish, dear fellow,—a sort of Hercules + in strength, and also in weakness. + </p> + <p> + My sister, Mrs. Joe, with black hair and eyes, had such a prevailing + redness of skin that I sometimes used to wonder whether it was possible + she washed herself with a nutmeg-grater instead of soap. She was tall and + bony, and almost always wore a coarse apron, fastened over her figure + behind with two loops, and having a square impregnable bib in front, that + was stuck full of pins and needles. She made it a powerful merit in + herself, and a strong reproach against Joe, that she wore this apron so + much. Though I really see no reason why she should have worn it at all; or + why, if she did wear it at all, she should not have taken it off, every + day of her life. + </p> + <p> + Joe's forge adjoined our house, which was a wooden house, as many of the + dwellings in our country were,—most of them, at that time. When I + ran home from the churchyard, the forge was shut up, and Joe was sitting + alone in the kitchen. Joe and I being fellow-sufferers, and having + confidences as such, Joe imparted a confidence to me, the moment I raised + the latch of the door and peeped in at him opposite to it, sitting in the + chimney corner. + </p> + <p> + "Mrs. Joe has been out a dozen times, looking for you, Pip. And she's out + now, making it a baker's dozen." + </p> + <p> + "Is she?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, Pip," said Joe; "and what's worse, she's got Tickler with her." + </p> + <p> + At this dismal intelligence, I twisted the only button on my waistcoat + round and round, and looked in great depression at the fire. Tickler was a + wax-ended piece of cane, worn smooth by collision with my tickled frame. + </p> + <p> + "She sot down," said Joe, "and she got up, and she made a grab at Tickler, + and she Ram-paged out. That's what she did," said Joe, slowly clearing the + fire between the lower bars with the poker, and looking at it; "she + Ram-paged out, Pip." + </p> + <p> + "Has she been gone long, Joe?" I always treated him as a larger species of + child, and as no more than my equal. + </p> + <p> + "Well," said Joe, glancing up at the Dutch clock, "she's been on the + Ram-page, this last spell, about five minutes, Pip. She's a coming! Get + behind the door, old chap, and have the jack-towel betwixt you." + </p> + <p> + I took the advice. My sister, Mrs. Joe, throwing the door wide open, and + finding an obstruction behind it, immediately divined the cause, and + applied Tickler to its further investigation. She concluded by throwing me—I + often served as a connubial missile—at Joe, who, glad to get hold of + me on any terms, passed me on into the chimney and quietly fenced me up + there with his great leg. + </p> + <p> + "Where have you been, you young monkey?" said Mrs. Joe, stamping her foot. + "Tell me directly what you've been doing to wear me away with fret and + fright and worrit, or I'd have you out of that corner if you was fifty + Pips, and he was five hundred Gargerys." + </p> + <p> + "I have only been to the churchyard," said I, from my stool, crying and + rubbing myself. + </p> + <p> + "Churchyard!" repeated my sister. "If it warn't for me you'd have been to + the churchyard long ago, and stayed there. Who brought you up by hand?" + </p> + <p> + "You did," said I. + </p> + <p> + "And why did I do it, I should like to know?" exclaimed my sister. + </p> + <p> + I whimpered, "I don't know." + </p> + <p> + "<i>I</i> don't!" said my sister. "I'd never do it again! I know that. I may + truly say I've never had this apron of mine off since born you were. It's + bad enough to be a blacksmith's wife (and him a Gargery) without being + your mother." + </p> + <p> + My thoughts strayed from that question as I looked disconsolately at the + fire. For the fugitive out on the marshes with the ironed leg, the + mysterious young man, the file, the food, and the dreadful pledge I was + under to commit a larceny on those sheltering premises, rose before me in + the avenging coals. + </p> + <p> + "Hah!" said Mrs. Joe, restoring Tickler to his station. "Churchyard, + indeed! You may well say churchyard, you two." One of us, by the by, had + not said it at all. "You'll drive <i>me</i> to the churchyard betwixt you, one of + these days, and O, a pr-r-recious pair you'd be without me!" + </p> + <p> + As she applied herself to set the tea-things, Joe peeped down at me over + his leg, as if he were mentally casting me and himself up, and calculating + what kind of pair we practically should make, under the grievous + circumstances foreshadowed. After that, he sat feeling his right-side + flaxen curls and whisker, and following Mrs. Joe about with his blue eyes, + as his manner always was at squally times. + </p> + <p> + My sister had a trenchant way of cutting our bread and butter for us, that + never varied. First, with her left hand she jammed the loaf hard and fast + against her bib,—where it sometimes got a pin into it, and sometimes + a needle, which we afterwards got into our mouths. Then she took some + butter (not too much) on a knife and spread it on the loaf, in an + apothecary kind of way, as if she were making a plaster,—using both + sides of the knife with a slapping dexterity, and trimming and moulding + the butter off round the crust. Then, she gave the knife a final smart + wipe on the edge of the plaster, and then sawed a very thick round off the + loaf: which she finally, before separating from the loaf, hewed into two + halves, of which Joe got one, and I the other. + </p> + <p> + On the present occasion, though I was hungry, I dared not eat my slice. I + felt that I must have something in reserve for my dreadful acquaintance, + and his ally the still more dreadful young man. I knew Mrs. Joe's + housekeeping to be of the strictest kind, and that my larcenous researches + might find nothing available in the safe. Therefore I resolved to put my + hunk of bread and butter down the leg of my trousers. + </p> + <p> + The effort of resolution necessary to the achievement of this purpose I + found to be quite awful. It was as if I had to make up my mind to leap + from the top of a high house, or plunge into a great depth of water. And + it was made the more difficult by the unconscious Joe. In our + already-mentioned freemasonry as fellow-sufferers, and in his good-natured + companionship with me, it was our evening habit to compare the way we bit + through our slices, by silently holding them up to each other's admiration + now and then,—which stimulated us to new exertions. To-night, Joe + several times invited me, by the display of his fast diminishing slice, to + enter upon our usual friendly competition; but he found me, each time, + with my yellow mug of tea on one knee, and my untouched bread and butter + on the other. At last, I desperately considered that the thing I + contemplated must be done, and that it had best be done in the least + improbable manner consistent with the circumstances. I took advantage of a + moment when Joe had just looked at me, and got my bread and butter down my + leg. + </p> + <p> + Joe was evidently made uncomfortable by what he supposed to be my loss of + appetite, and took a thoughtful bite out of his slice, which he didn't + seem to enjoy. He turned it about in his mouth much longer than usual, + pondering over it a good deal, and after all gulped it down like a pill. + He was about to take another bite, and had just got his head on one side + for a good purchase on it, when his eye fell on me, and he saw that my + bread and butter was gone. + </p> + <p> + The wonder and consternation with which Joe stopped on the threshold of + his bite and stared at me, were too evident to escape my sister's + observation. + </p> + <p> + "What's the matter <i>now</i>?" said she, smartly, as she put down her cup. + </p> + <p> + "I say, you know!" muttered Joe, shaking his head at me in very serious + remonstrance. "Pip, old chap! You'll do yourself a mischief. It'll stick + somewhere. You can't have chawed it, Pip." + </p> + <p> + "What's the matter now?" repeated my sister, more sharply than before. + </p> + <p> + "If you can cough any trifle on it up, Pip, I'd recommend you to do it," + said Joe, all aghast. "Manners is manners, but still your elth's your + elth." + </p> + <p> + By this time, my sister was quite desperate, so she pounced on Joe, and, + taking him by the two whiskers, knocked his head for a little while + against the wall behind him, while I sat in the corner, looking guiltily + on. + </p> + <p> + "Now, perhaps you'll mention what's the matter," said my sister, out of + breath, "you staring great stuck pig." + </p> + <p> + Joe looked at her in a helpless way, then took a helpless bite, and looked + at me again. + </p> + <p> + "You know, Pip," said Joe, solemnly, with his last bite in his cheek, and + speaking in a confidential voice, as if we two were quite alone, "you and + me is always friends, and I'd be the last to tell upon you, any time. But + such a—" he moved his chair and looked about the floor between us, + and then again at me—"such a most oncommon Bolt as that!" + </p> + <p> + "Been bolting his food, has he?" cried my sister. + </p> + <p> + "You know, old chap," said Joe, looking at me, and not at Mrs. Joe, with + his bite still in his cheek, "I Bolted, myself, when I was your age—frequent—and + as a boy I've been among a many Bolters; but I never see your Bolting + equal yet, Pip, and it's a mercy you ain't Bolted dead." + </p> + <p> + My sister made a dive at me, and fished me up by the hair, saying nothing + more than the awful words, "You come along and be dosed." + </p> + <p> + Some medical beast had revived Tar-water in those days as a fine medicine, + and Mrs. Joe always kept a supply of it in the cupboard; having a belief + in its virtues correspondent to its nastiness. At the best of times, so + much of this elixir was administered to me as a choice restorative, that I + was conscious of going about, smelling like a new fence. On this + particular evening the urgency of my case demanded a pint of this mixture, + which was poured down my throat, for my greater comfort, while Mrs. Joe + held my head under her arm, as a boot would be held in a bootjack. Joe got + off with half a pint; but was made to swallow that (much to his + disturbance, as he sat slowly munching and meditating before the fire), + "because he had had a turn." Judging from myself, I should say he + certainly had a turn afterwards, if he had had none before. + </p> + <p> + Conscience is a dreadful thing when it accuses man or boy; but when, in + the case of a boy, that secret burden co-operates with another secret + burden down the leg of his trousers, it is (as I can testify) a great + punishment. The guilty knowledge that I was going to rob Mrs. Joe—I + never thought I was going to rob Joe, for I never thought of any of the + housekeeping property as his—united to the necessity of always + keeping one hand on my bread and butter as I sat, or when I was ordered + about the kitchen on any small errand, almost drove me out of my mind. + Then, as the marsh winds made the fire glow and flare, I thought I heard + the voice outside, of the man with the iron on his leg who had sworn me to + secrecy, declaring that he couldn't and wouldn't starve until to-morrow, + but must be fed now. At other times, I thought, What if the young man who + was with so much difficulty restrained from imbruing his hands in me + should yield to a constitutional impatience, or should mistake the time, + and should think himself accredited to my heart and liver to-night, + instead of to-morrow! If ever anybody's hair stood on end with terror, + mine must have done so then. But, perhaps, nobody's ever did? + </p> + <p> + It was Christmas Eve, and I had to stir the pudding for next day, with a + copper-stick, from seven to eight by the Dutch clock. I tried it with the + load upon my leg (and that made me think afresh of the man with the load + on <i>his</i> leg), and found the tendency of exercise to bring the bread + and butter out at my ankle, quite unmanageable. Happily I slipped away, + and deposited that part of my conscience in my garret bedroom. + </p> + <p> + "Hark!" said I, when I had done my stirring, and was taking a final warm + in the chimney corner before being sent up to bed; "was that great guns, + Joe?" + </p> + <p> + "Ah!" said Joe. "There's another conwict off." + </p> + <p> + "What does that mean, Joe?" said I. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Joe, who always took explanations upon herself, said, snappishly, + "Escaped. Escaped." Administering the definition like Tar-water. + </p> + <p> + While Mrs. Joe sat with her head bending over her needlework, I put my + mouth into the forms of saying to Joe, "What's a convict?" Joe put <i>his</i> + mouth into the forms of returning such a highly elaborate answer, that I + could make out nothing of it but the single word "Pip." + </p> + <p> + "There was a conwict off last night," said Joe, aloud, "after sunset-gun. + And they fired warning of him. And now it appears they're firing warning + of another." + </p> + <p> + "<i>Who's</i> firing?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "Drat that boy," interposed my sister, frowning at me over her work, "what + a questioner he is. Ask no questions, and you'll be told no lies." + </p> + <p> + It was not very polite to herself, I thought, to imply that I should be + told lies by her even if I did ask questions. But she never was polite + unless there was company. + </p> + <p> + At this point Joe greatly augmented my curiosity by taking the utmost + pains to open his mouth very wide, and to put it into the form of a word + that looked to me like "sulks." Therefore, I naturally pointed to Mrs. + Joe, and put my mouth into the form of saying, "her?" But Joe wouldn't + hear of that, at all, and again opened his mouth very wide, and shook the + form of a most emphatic word out of it. But I could make nothing of the + word. + </p> + <p> + "Mrs. Joe," said I, as a last resort, "I should like to know—if you + wouldn't much mind—where the firing comes from?" + </p> + <p> + "Lord bless the boy!" exclaimed my sister, as if she didn't quite mean + that but rather the contrary. "From the Hulks!" + </p> + <p> + "Oh-h!" said I, looking at Joe. "Hulks!" + </p> + <p> + Joe gave a reproachful cough, as much as to say, "Well, I told you so." + </p> + <p> + "And please, what's Hulks?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "That's the way with this boy!" exclaimed my sister, pointing me out with + her needle and thread, and shaking her head at me. "Answer him one + question, and he'll ask you a dozen directly. Hulks are prison-ships, + right 'cross th' meshes." We always used that name for marshes, in our + country. + </p> + <p> + "I wonder who's put into prison-ships, and why they're put there?" said I, + in a general way, and with quiet desperation. + </p> + <p> + It was too much for Mrs. Joe, who immediately rose. "I tell you what, + young fellow," said she, "I didn't bring you up by hand to badger people's + lives out. It would be blame to me and not praise, if I had. People are + put in the Hulks because they murder, and because they rob, and forge, and + do all sorts of bad; and they always begin by asking questions. Now, you + get along to bed!" + </p> + <p> + I was never allowed a candle to light me to bed, and, as I went up stairs + in the dark, with my head tingling,—from Mrs. Joe's thimble having + played the tambourine upon it, to accompany her last words,—I felt + fearfully sensible of the great convenience that the hulks were handy for + me. I was clearly on my way there. I had begun by asking questions, and I + was going to rob Mrs. Joe. + </p> + <p> + Since that time, which is far enough away now, I have often thought that + few people know what secrecy there is in the young under terror. No matter + how unreasonable the terror, so that it be terror. I was in mortal terror + of the young man who wanted my heart and liver; I was in mortal terror of + my interlocutor with the iron leg; I was in mortal terror of myself, from + whom an awful promise had been extracted; I had no hope of deliverance + through my all-powerful sister, who repulsed me at every turn; I am afraid + to think of what I might have done on requirement, in the secrecy of my + terror. + </p> + <p> + If I slept at all that night, it was only to imagine myself drifting down + the river on a strong spring-tide, to the Hulks; a ghostly pirate calling + out to me through a speaking-trumpet, as I passed the gibbet-station, that + I had better come ashore and be hanged there at once, and not put it off. + I was afraid to sleep, even if I had been inclined, for I knew that at the + first faint dawn of morning I must rob the pantry. There was no doing it + in the night, for there was no getting a light by easy friction then; to + have got one I must have struck it out of flint and steel, and have made a + noise like the very pirate himself rattling his chains. + </p> + <p> + As soon as the great black velvet pall outside my little window was shot + with gray, I got up and went down stairs; every board upon the way, and + every crack in every board calling after me, "Stop thief!" and "Get up, + Mrs. Joe!" In the pantry, which was far more abundantly supplied than + usual, owing to the season, I was very much alarmed by a hare hanging up + by the heels, whom I rather thought I caught when my back was half turned, + winking. I had no time for verification, no time for selection, no time + for anything, for I had no time to spare. I stole some bread, some rind of + cheese, about half a jar of mincemeat (which I tied up in my + pocket-handkerchief with my last night's slice), some brandy from a stone + bottle (which I decanted into a glass bottle I had secretly used for + making that intoxicating fluid, Spanish-liquorice-water, up in my room: + diluting the stone bottle from a jug in the kitchen cupboard), a meat bone + with very little on it, and a beautiful round compact pork pie. I was + nearly going away without the pie, but I was tempted to mount upon a + shelf, to look what it was that was put away so carefully in a covered + earthen ware dish in a corner, and I found it was the pie, and I took it + in the hope that it was not intended for early use, and would not be + missed for some time. + </p> + <p> + There was a door in the kitchen, communicating with the forge; I unlocked + and unbolted that door, and got a file from among Joe's tools. Then I put + the fastenings as I had found them, opened the door at which I had entered + when I ran home last night, shut it, and ran for the misty marshes. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0003" id="link2HCH0003"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter III + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span>t was a rimy morning, and very damp. I had seen the damp lying on the + outside of my little window, as if some goblin had been crying there all + night, and using the window for a pocket-handkerchief. Now, I saw the damp + lying on the bare hedges and spare grass, like a coarser sort of spiders' + webs; hanging itself from twig to twig and blade to blade. On every rail + and gate, wet lay clammy, and the marsh mist was so thick, that the wooden + finger on the post directing people to our village—a direction which + they never accepted, for they never came there—was invisible to me + until I was quite close under it. Then, as I looked up at it, while it + dripped, it seemed to my oppressed conscience like a phantom devoting me + to the Hulks. + </p> + <p> + The mist was heavier yet when I got out upon the marshes, so that instead + of my running at everything, everything seemed to run at me. This was very + disagreeable to a guilty mind. The gates and dikes and banks came bursting + at me through the mist, as if they cried as plainly as could be, "A boy + with Somebody's else's pork pie! Stop him!" The cattle came upon me with + like suddenness, staring out of their eyes, and steaming out of their + nostrils, "Halloa, young thief!" One black ox, with a white cravat on,—who + even had to my awakened conscience something of a clerical air,—fixed + me so obstinately with his eyes, and moved his blunt head round in such an + accusatory manner as I moved round, that I blubbered out to him, "I + couldn't help it, sir! It wasn't for myself I took it!" Upon which he put + down his head, blew a cloud of smoke out of his nose, and vanished with a + kick-up of his hind-legs and a flourish of his tail. + </p> + <p> + All this time, I was getting on towards the river; but however fast I + went, I couldn't warm my feet, to which the damp cold seemed riveted, as + the iron was riveted to the leg of the man I was running to meet. I knew + my way to the Battery, pretty straight, for I had been down there on a + Sunday with Joe, and Joe, sitting on an old gun, had told me that when I + was 'prentice to him, regularly bound, we would have such Larks there! + However, in the confusion of the mist, I found myself at last too far to + the right, and consequently had to try back along the river-side, on the + bank of loose stones above the mud and the stakes that staked the tide + out. Making my way along here with all despatch, I had just crossed a + ditch which I knew to be very near the Battery, and had just scrambled up + the mound beyond the ditch, when I saw the man sitting before me. His back + was towards me, and he had his arms folded, and was nodding forward, heavy + with sleep. + </p> + <p> + I thought he would be more glad if I came upon him with his breakfast, in + that unexpected manner, so I went forward softly and touched him on the + shoulder. He instantly jumped up, and it was not the same man, but another + man! + </p> + <p> + And yet this man was dressed in coarse gray, too, and had a great iron on + his leg, and was lame, and hoarse, and cold, and was everything that the + other man was; except that he had not the same face, and had a flat + broad-brimmed low-crowned felt hat on. All this I saw in a moment, for I + had only a moment to see it in: he swore an oath at me, made a hit at me,—it + was a round weak blow that missed me and almost knocked himself down, for + it made him stumble,—and then he ran into the mist, stumbling twice + as he went, and I lost him. + </p> + <p> + "It's the young man!" I thought, feeling my heart shoot as I identified + him. I dare say I should have felt a pain in my liver, too, if I had known + where it was. + </p> + <p> + I was soon at the Battery after that, and there was the right Man,—hugging + himself and limping to and fro, as if he had never all night left off + hugging and limping,—waiting for me. He was awfully cold, to be + sure. I half expected to see him drop down before my face and die of + deadly cold. His eyes looked so awfully hungry too, that when I handed him + the file and he laid it down on the grass, it occurred to me he would have + tried to eat it, if he had not seen my bundle. He did not turn me upside + down this time to get at what I had, but left me right side upwards while + I opened the bundle and emptied my pockets. + </p> + <p> + "What's in the bottle, boy?" said he. + </p> + <p> + "Brandy," said I. + </p> + <p> + He was already handing mincemeat down his throat in the most curious + manner,—more like a man who was putting it away somewhere in a + violent hurry, than a man who was eating it,—but he left off to take + some of the liquor. He shivered all the while so violently, that it was + quite as much as he could do to keep the neck of the bottle between his + teeth, without biting it off. + </p> + <p> + "I think you have got the ague," said I. + </p> + <p> + "I'm much of your opinion, boy," said he. + </p> + <p> + "It's bad about here," I told him. "You've been lying out on the meshes, + and they're dreadful aguish. Rheumatic too." + </p> + <p> + "I'll eat my breakfast afore they're the death of me," said he. "I'd do + that, if I was going to be strung up to that there gallows as there is + over there, directly afterwards. I'll beat the shivers so far, I'll bet + you." + </p> + <p> + He was gobbling mincemeat, meatbone, bread, cheese, and pork pie, all at + once: staring distrustfully while he did so at the mist all round us, and + often stopping—even stopping his jaws—to listen. Some real or + fancied sound, some clink upon the river or breathing of beast upon the + marsh, now gave him a start, and he said, suddenly,— + </p> + <p> + "You're not a deceiving imp? You brought no one with you?" + </p> + <p> + "No, sir! No!" + </p> + <p> + "Nor giv' no one the office to follow you?" + </p> + <p> + "No!" + </p> + <p> + "Well," said he, "I believe you. You'd be but a fierce young hound indeed, + if at your time of life you could help to hunt a wretched warmint hunted + as near death and dunghill as this poor wretched warmint is!" + </p> + <p> + Something clicked in his throat as if he had works in him like a clock, + and was going to strike. And he smeared his ragged rough sleeve over his + eyes. + </p> + <p> + Pitying his desolation, and watching him as he gradually settled down upon + the pie, I made bold to say, "I am glad you enjoy it." + </p> + <p> + "Did you speak?" + </p> + <p> + "I said I was glad you enjoyed it." + </p> + <p> + "Thankee, my boy. I do." + </p> + <p> + I had often watched a large dog of ours eating his food; and I now noticed + a decided similarity between the dog's way of eating, and the man's. The + man took strong sharp sudden bites, just like the dog. He swallowed, or + rather snapped up, every mouthful, too soon and too fast; and he looked + sideways here and there while he ate, as if he thought there was danger in + every direction of somebody's coming to take the pie away. He was + altogether too unsettled in his mind over it, to appreciate it comfortably + I thought, or to have anybody to dine with him, without making a chop with + his jaws at the visitor. In all of which particulars he was very like the + dog. + </p> + <p> + "I am afraid you won't leave any of it for him," said I, timidly; after a + silence during which I had hesitated as to the politeness of making the + remark. "There's no more to be got where that came from." It was the + certainty of this fact that impelled me to offer the hint. + </p> + <p> + "Leave any for him? Who's him?" said my friend, stopping in his crunching + of pie-crust. + </p> + <p> + "The young man. That you spoke of. That was hid with you." + </p> + <p> + "Oh ah!" he returned, with something like a gruff laugh. "Him? Yes, yes! + <i>He</i> don't want no wittles." + </p> + <p> + "I thought he looked as if he did," said I. + </p> + <p> + The man stopped eating, and regarded me with the keenest scrutiny and the + greatest surprise. + </p> + <p> + "Looked? When?" + </p> + <p> + "Just now." + </p> + <p> + "Where?" + </p> + <p> + "Yonder," said I, pointing; "over there, where I found him nodding asleep, + and thought it was you." + </p> + <p> + He held me by the collar and stared at me so, that I began to think his + first idea about cutting my throat had revived. + </p> + <p> + "Dressed like you, you know, only with a hat," I explained, trembling; + "and—and"—I was very anxious to put this delicately—"and + with—the same reason for wanting to borrow a file. Didn't you hear + the cannon last night?" + </p> + <p> + "Then there <i>was</i> firing!" he said to himself. + </p> + <p> + "I wonder you shouldn't have been sure of that," I returned, "for we heard + it up at home, and that's farther away, and we were shut in besides." + </p> + <p> + "Why, see now!" said he. "When a man's alone on these flats, with a light + head and a light stomach, perishing of cold and want, he hears nothin' all + night, but guns firing, and voices calling. Hears? He sees the soldiers, + with their red coats lighted up by the torches carried afore, closing in + round him. Hears his number called, hears himself challenged, hears the + rattle of the muskets, hears the orders 'Make ready! Present! Cover him + steady, men!' and is laid hands on—and there's nothin'! Why, if I + see one pursuing party last night—coming up in order, Damn 'em, with + their tramp, tramp—I see a hundred. And as to firing! Why, I see the + mist shake with the cannon, arter it was broad day,—But this man"; + he had said all the rest, as if he had forgotten my being there; "did you + notice anything in him?" + </p> + <p> + "He had a badly bruised face," said I, recalling what I hardly knew I + knew. + </p> + <p> + "Not here?" exclaimed the man, striking his left cheek mercilessly, with + the flat of his hand. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, there!" + </p> + <p> + "Where is he?" He crammed what little food was left, into the breast of + his gray jacket. "Show me the way he went. I'll pull him down, like a + bloodhound. Curse this iron on my sore leg! Give us hold of the file, + boy." + </p> + <p> + I indicated in what direction the mist had shrouded the other man, and he + looked up at it for an instant. But he was down on the rank wet grass, + filing at his iron like a madman, and not minding me or minding his own + leg, which had an old chafe upon it and was bloody, but which he handled + as roughly as if it had no more feeling in it than the file. I was very + much afraid of him again, now that he had worked himself into this fierce + hurry, and I was likewise very much afraid of keeping away from home any + longer. I told him I must go, but he took no notice, so I thought the best + thing I could do was to slip off. The last I saw of him, his head was bent + over his knee and he was working hard at his fetter, muttering impatient + imprecations at it and at his leg. The last I heard of him, I stopped in + the mist to listen, and the file was still going. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0004" id="link2HCH0004"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter IV + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span> fully expected to find a Constable in the kitchen, waiting to take me + up. But not only was there no Constable there, but no discovery had yet + been made of the robbery. Mrs. Joe was prodigiously busy in getting the + house ready for the festivities of the day, and Joe had been put upon the + kitchen doorstep to keep him out of the dust-pan,—an article into + which his destiny always led him, sooner or later, when my sister was + vigorously reaping the floors of her establishment. + </p> + <p> + "And where the deuce ha' <i>you</i> been?" was Mrs. Joe's Christmas salutation, + when I and my conscience showed ourselves. + </p> + <p> + I said I had been down to hear the Carols. "Ah! well!" observed Mrs. Joe. + "You might ha' done worse." Not a doubt of that I thought. + </p> + <p> + "Perhaps if I warn't a blacksmith's wife, and (what's the same thing) a + slave with her apron never off, <i>I</i> should have been to hear the Carols," + said Mrs. Joe. "I'm rather partial to Carols, myself, and that's the best + of reasons for my never hearing any." + </p> + <p> + Joe, who had ventured into the kitchen after me as the dustpan had retired + before us, drew the back of his hand across his nose with a conciliatory + air, when Mrs. Joe darted a look at him, and, when her eyes were + withdrawn, secretly crossed his two forefingers, and exhibited them to me, + as our token that Mrs. Joe was in a cross temper. This was so much her + normal state, that Joe and I would often, for weeks together, be, as to + our fingers, like monumental Crusaders as to their legs. + </p> + <p> + We were to have a superb dinner, consisting of a leg of pickled pork and + greens, and a pair of roast stuffed fowls. A handsome mince-pie had been + made yesterday morning (which accounted for the mincemeat not being + missed), and the pudding was already on the boil. These extensive + arrangements occasioned us to be cut off unceremoniously in respect of + breakfast; "for I ain't," said Mrs. Joe,—"I ain't a going to have no + formal cramming and busting and washing up now, with what I've got before + me, I promise you!" + </p> + <p> + So, we had our slices served out, as if we were two thousand troops on a + forced march instead of a man and boy at home; and we took gulps of milk + and water, with apologetic countenances, from a jug on the dresser. In the + meantime, Mrs. Joe put clean white curtains up, and tacked a new flowered + flounce across the wide chimney to replace the old one, and uncovered the + little state parlor across the passage, which was never uncovered at any + other time, but passed the rest of the year in a cool haze of silver + paper, which even extended to the four little white crockery poodles on + the mantel-shelf, each with a black nose and a basket of flowers in his + mouth, and each the counterpart of the other. Mrs. Joe was a very clean + housekeeper, but had an exquisite art of making her cleanliness more + uncomfortable and unacceptable than dirt itself. Cleanliness is next to + Godliness, and some people do the same by their religion. + </p> + <p> + My sister, having so much to do, was going to church vicariously, that is + to say, Joe and I were going. In his working-clothes, Joe was a well-knit + characteristic-looking blacksmith; in his holiday clothes, he was more + like a scarecrow in good circumstances, than anything else. Nothing that + he wore then fitted him or seemed to belong to him; and everything that he + wore then grazed him. On the present festive occasion he emerged from his + room, when the blithe bells were going, the picture of misery, in a full + suit of Sunday penitentials. As to me, I think my sister must have had + some general idea that I was a young offender whom an Accoucheur Policeman + had taken up (on my birthday) and delivered over to her, to be dealt with + according to the outraged majesty of the law. I was always treated as if I + had insisted on being born in opposition to the dictates of reason, + religion, and morality, and against the dissuading arguments of my best + friends. Even when I was taken to have a new suit of clothes, the tailor + had orders to make them like a kind of Reformatory, and on no account to + let me have the free use of my limbs. + </p> + <p> + Joe and I going to church, therefore, must have been a moving spectacle + for compassionate minds. Yet, what I suffered outside was nothing to what + I underwent within. The terrors that had assailed me whenever Mrs. Joe had + gone near the pantry, or out of the room, were only to be equalled by the + remorse with which my mind dwelt on what my hands had done. Under the + weight of my wicked secret, I pondered whether the Church would be + powerful enough to shield me from the vengeance of the terrible young man, + if I divulged to that establishment. I conceived the idea that the time + when the banns were read and when the clergyman said, "Ye are now to + declare it!" would be the time for me to rise and propose a private + conference in the vestry. I am far from being sure that I might not have + astonished our small congregation by resorting to this extreme measure, + but for its being Christmas Day and no Sunday. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Wopsle, the clerk at church, was to dine with us; and Mr. Hubble the + wheelwright and Mrs. Hubble; and Uncle Pumblechook (Joe's uncle, but Mrs. + Joe appropriated him), who was a well-to-do cornchandler in the nearest + town, and drove his own chaise-cart. The dinner hour was half-past one. + When Joe and I got home, we found the table laid, and Mrs. Joe dressed, + and the dinner dressing, and the front door unlocked (it never was at any + other time) for the company to enter by, and everything most splendid. And + still, not a word of the robbery. + </p> + <p> + The time came, without bringing with it any relief to my feelings, and the + company came. Mr. Wopsle, united to a Roman nose and a large shining bald + forehead, had a deep voice which he was uncommonly proud of; indeed it was + understood among his acquaintance that if you could only give him his + head, he would read the clergyman into fits; he himself confessed that if + the Church was "thrown open," meaning to competition, he would not despair + of making his mark in it. The Church not being "thrown open," he was, as I + have said, our clerk. But he punished the Amens tremendously; and when he + gave out the psalm,—always giving the whole verse,—he looked + all round the congregation first, as much as to say, "You have heard my + friend overhead; oblige me with your opinion of this style!" + </p> + <p> + I opened the door to the company,—making believe that it was a habit + of ours to open that door,—and I opened it first to Mr. Wopsle, next + to Mr. and Mrs. Hubble, and last of all to Uncle Pumblechook. N.B. <i>I</i> was + not allowed to call him uncle, under the severest penalties. + </p> + <p> + "Mrs. Joe," said Uncle Pumblechook, a large hard-breathing middle-aged + slow man, with a mouth like a fish, dull staring eyes, and sandy hair + standing upright on his head, so that he looked as if he had just been all + but choked, and had that moment come to, "I have brought you as the + compliments of the season—I have brought you, Mum, a bottle of + sherry wine—and I have brought you, Mum, a bottle of port wine." + </p> + <p> + Every Christmas Day he presented himself, as a profound novelty, with + exactly the same words, and carrying the two bottles like dumb-bells. + Every Christmas Day, Mrs. Joe replied, as she now replied, "O, Un—cle + Pum-ble—chook! This <i>is</i> kind!" Every Christmas Day, he retorted, as + he now retorted, "It's no more than your merits. And now are you all + bobbish, and how's Sixpennorth of halfpence?" meaning me. + </p> + <p> + We dined on these occasions in the kitchen, and adjourned, for the nuts + and oranges and apples to the parlor; which was a change very like Joe's + change from his working-clothes to his Sunday dress. My sister was + uncommonly lively on the present occasion, and indeed was generally more + gracious in the society of Mrs. Hubble than in other company. I remember + Mrs. Hubble as a little curly sharp-edged person in sky-blue, who held a + conventionally juvenile position, because she had married Mr. Hubble,—I + don't know at what remote period,—when she was much younger than he. + I remember Mr Hubble as a tough, high-shouldered, stooping old man, of a + sawdusty fragrance, with his legs extraordinarily wide apart: so that in + my short days I always saw some miles of open country between them when I + met him coming up the lane. + </p> + <p> + Among this good company I should have felt myself, even if I hadn't robbed + the pantry, in a false position. Not because I was squeezed in at an acute + angle of the tablecloth, with the table in my chest, and the + Pumblechookian elbow in my eye, nor because I was not allowed to speak (I + didn't want to speak), nor because I was regaled with the scaly tips of + the drumsticks of the fowls, and with those obscure corners of pork of + which the pig, when living, had had the least reason to be vain. No; I + should not have minded that, if they would only have left me alone. But + they wouldn't leave me alone. They seemed to think the opportunity lost, + if they failed to point the conversation at me, every now and then, and + stick the point into me. I might have been an unfortunate little bull in a + Spanish arena, I got so smartingly touched up by these moral goads. + </p> + <p> + It began the moment we sat down to dinner. Mr. Wopsle said grace with + theatrical declamation,—as it now appears to me, something like a + religious cross of the Ghost in Hamlet with Richard the Third,—and + ended with the very proper aspiration that we might be truly grateful. + Upon which my sister fixed me with her eye, and said, in a low reproachful + voice, "Do you hear that? Be grateful." + </p> + <p> + "Especially," said Mr. Pumblechook, "be grateful, boy, to them which + brought you up by hand." + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Hubble shook her head, and contemplating me with a mournful + presentiment that I should come to no good, asked, "Why is it that the + young are never grateful?" This moral mystery seemed too much for the + company until Mr. Hubble tersely solved it by saying, "Naterally wicious." + Everybody then murmured "True!" and looked at me in a particularly + unpleasant and personal manner. + </p> + <p> + Joe's station and influence were something feebler (if possible) when + there was company than when there was none. But he always aided and + comforted me when he could, in some way of his own, and he always did so + at dinner-time by giving me gravy, if there were any. There being plenty + of gravy to-day, Joe spooned into my plate, at this point, about half a + pint. + </p> + <p> + A little later on in the dinner, Mr. Wopsle reviewed the sermon with some + severity, and intimated—in the usual hypothetical case of the Church + being "thrown open"—what kind of sermon <i>he</i> would have given them. + After favoring them with some heads of that discourse, he remarked that he + considered the subject of the day's homily, ill chosen; which was the less + excusable, he added, when there were so many subjects "going about." + </p> + <p> + "True again," said Uncle Pumblechook. "You've hit it, sir! Plenty of + subjects going about, for them that know how to put salt upon their tails. + That's what's wanted. A man needn't go far to find a subject, if he's + ready with his salt-box." Mr. Pumblechook added, after a short interval of + reflection, "Look at Pork alone. There's a subject! If you want a subject, + look at Pork!" + </p> + <p> + "True, sir. Many a moral for the young," returned Mr. Wopsle,—and I + knew he was going to lug me in, before he said it; "might be deduced from + that text." + </p> + <p> + ("You listen to this," said my sister to me, in a severe parenthesis.) + </p> + <p> + Joe gave me some more gravy. + </p> + <p> + "Swine," pursued Mr. Wopsle, in his deepest voice, and pointing his fork + at my blushes, as if he were mentioning my Christian name,—"swine + were the companions of the prodigal. The gluttony of Swine is put before + us, as an example to the young." (I thought this pretty well in him who + had been praising up the pork for being so plump and juicy.) "What is + detestable in a pig is more detestable in a boy." + </p> + <p> + "Or girl," suggested Mr. Hubble. + </p> + <p> + "Of course, or girl, Mr. Hubble," assented Mr. Wopsle, rather irritably, + "but there is no girl present." + </p> + <p> + "Besides," said Mr. Pumblechook, turning sharp on me, "think what you've + got to be grateful for. If you'd been born a Squeaker—" + </p> + <p> + "He <i>was</i>, if ever a child was," said my sister, most emphatically. + </p> + <p> + Joe gave me some more gravy. + </p> + <p> + "Well, but I mean a four-footed Squeaker," said Mr. Pumblechook. "If you + had been born such, would you have been here now? Not you—" + </p> + <p> + "Unless in that form," said Mr. Wopsle, nodding towards the dish. + </p> + <p> + "But I don't mean in that form, sir," returned Mr. Pumblechook, who had an + objection to being interrupted; "I mean, enjoying himself with his elders + and betters, and improving himself with their conversation, and rolling in + the lap of luxury. Would he have been doing that? No, he wouldn't. And + what would have been your destination?" turning on me again. "You would + have been disposed of for so many shillings according to the market price + of the article, and Dunstable the butcher would have come up to you as you + lay in your straw, and he would have whipped you under his left arm, and + with his right he would have tucked up his frock to get a penknife from + out of his waistcoat-pocket, and he would have shed your blood and had + your life. No bringing up by hand then. Not a bit of it!" + </p> + <p> + Joe offered me more gravy, which I was afraid to take. + </p> + <p> + "He was a world of trouble to you, ma'am," said Mrs. Hubble, commiserating + my sister. + </p> + <p> + "Trouble?" echoed my sister; "trouble?" and then entered on a fearful + catalogue of all the illnesses I had been guilty of, and all the acts of + sleeplessness I had committed, and all the high places I had tumbled from, + and all the low places I had tumbled into, and all the injuries I had done + myself, and all the times she had wished me in my grave, and I had + contumaciously refused to go there. + </p> + <p> + I think the Romans must have aggravated one another very much, with their + noses. Perhaps, they became the restless people they were, in consequence. + Anyhow, Mr. Wopsle's Roman nose so aggravated me, during the recital of my + misdemeanours, that I should have liked to pull it until he howled. But, + all I had endured up to this time was nothing in comparison with the awful + feelings that took possession of me when the pause was broken which ensued + upon my sister's recital, and in which pause everybody had looked at me + (as I felt painfully conscious) with indignation and abhorrence. + </p> + <p> + "Yet," said Mr. Pumblechook, leading the company gently back to the theme + from which they had strayed, "Pork—regarded as biled—is rich, + too; ain't it?" + </p> + <p> + "Have a little brandy, uncle," said my sister. + </p> + <p> + O Heavens, it had come at last! He would find it was weak, he would say it + was weak, and I was lost! I held tight to the leg of the table under the + cloth, with both hands, and awaited my fate. + </p> + <p> + My sister went for the stone bottle, came back with the stone bottle, and + poured his brandy out: no one else taking any. The wretched man trifled + with his glass,—took it up, looked at it through the light, put it + down,—prolonged my misery. All this time Mrs. Joe and Joe were + briskly clearing the table for the pie and pudding. + </p> + <p> + I couldn't keep my eyes off him. Always holding tight by the leg of the + table with my hands and feet, I saw the miserable creature finger his + glass playfully, take it up, smile, throw his head back, and drink the + brandy off. Instantly afterwards, the company were seized with unspeakable + consternation, owing to his springing to his feet, turning round several + times in an appalling spasmodic whooping-cough dance, and rushing out at + the door; he then became visible through the window, violently plunging + and expectorating, making the most hideous faces, and apparently out of + his mind. + </p> + <p> + I held on tight, while Mrs. Joe and Joe ran to him. I didn't know how I + had done it, but I had no doubt I had murdered him somehow. In my dreadful + situation, it was a relief when he was brought back, and surveying the + company all round as if <i>they</i> had disagreed with him, sank down into his + chair with the one significant gasp, "Tar!" + </p> + <p> + I had filled up the bottle from the tar-water jug. I knew he would be + worse by and by. I moved the table, like a Medium of the present day, by + the vigor of my unseen hold upon it. + </p> + <p> + "Tar!" cried my sister, in amazement. "Why, how ever could Tar come + there?" + </p> + <p> + But, Uncle Pumblechook, who was omnipotent in that kitchen, wouldn't hear + the word, wouldn't hear of the subject, imperiously waved it all away with + his hand, and asked for hot gin and water. My sister, who had begun to be + alarmingly meditative, had to employ herself actively in getting the gin + the hot water, the sugar, and the lemon-peel, and mixing them. For the + time being at least, I was saved. I still held on to the leg of the table, + but clutched it now with the fervor of gratitude. + </p> + <p> + By degrees, I became calm enough to release my grasp and partake of + pudding. Mr. Pumblechook partook of pudding. All partook of pudding. The + course terminated, and Mr. Pumblechook had begun to beam under the genial + influence of gin and water. I began to think I should get over the day, + when my sister said to Joe, "Clean plates,—cold." + </p> + <p> + I clutched the leg of the table again immediately, and pressed it to my + bosom as if it had been the companion of my youth and friend of my soul. I + foresaw what was coming, and I felt that this time I really was gone. + </p> + <p> + "You must taste," said my sister, addressing the guests with her best + grace—"you must taste, to finish with, such a delightful and + delicious present of Uncle Pumblechook's!" + </p> + <p> + Must they! Let them not hope to taste it! + </p> + <p> + "You must know," said my sister, rising, "it's a pie; a savory pork pie." + </p> + <p> + The company murmured their compliments. Uncle Pumblechook, sensible of + having deserved well of his fellow-creatures, said,—quite + vivaciously, all things considered,—"Well, Mrs. Joe, we'll do our + best endeavors; let us have a cut at this same pie." + </p> + <p> + My sister went out to get it. I heard her steps proceed to the pantry. I + saw Mr. Pumblechook balance his knife. I saw reawakening appetite in the + Roman nostrils of Mr. Wopsle. I heard Mr. Hubble remark that "a bit of + savory pork pie would lay atop of anything you could mention, and do no + harm," and I heard Joe say, "You shall have some, Pip." I have never been + absolutely certain whether I uttered a shrill yell of terror, merely in + spirit, or in the bodily hearing of the company. I felt that I could bear + no more, and that I must run away. I released the leg of the table, and + ran for my life. + </p> + <p> + But I ran no farther than the house door, for there I ran head-foremost + into a party of soldiers with their muskets, one of whom held out a pair + of handcuffs to me, saying, "Here you are, look sharp, come on!" + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0005" id="link2HCH0005"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter V + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">T</span>he apparition of a file of soldiers ringing down the but-ends of their + loaded muskets on our door-step, caused the dinner-party to rise from + table in confusion, and caused Mrs. Joe re-entering the kitchen + empty-handed, to stop short and stare, in her wondering lament of + "Gracious goodness gracious me, what's gone—with the—pie!" + </p> + <p> + The sergeant and I were in the kitchen when Mrs. Joe stood staring; at + which crisis I partially recovered the use of my senses. It was the + sergeant who had spoken to me, and he was now looking round at the + company, with his handcuffs invitingly extended towards them in his right + hand, and his left on my shoulder. + </p> + <p> + "Excuse me, ladies and gentleman," said the sergeant, "but as I have + mentioned at the door to this smart young shaver," (which he hadn't), "I + am on a chase in the name of the king, and I want the blacksmith." + </p> + <p> + "And pray what might you want with <i>him</i>?" retorted my sister, quick to + resent his being wanted at all. + </p> + <p> + "Missis," returned the gallant sergeant, "speaking for myself, I should + reply, the honor and pleasure of his fine wife's acquaintance; speaking + for the king, I answer, a little job done." + </p> + <p> + This was received as rather neat in the sergeant; insomuch that Mr. + Pumblechook cried audibly, "Good again!" + </p> + <p> + "You see, blacksmith," said the sergeant, who had by this time picked out + Joe with his eye, "we have had an accident with these, and I find the lock + of one of 'em goes wrong, and the coupling don't act pretty. As they are + wanted for immediate service, will you throw your eye over them?" + </p> + <p> + Joe threw his eye over them, and pronounced that the job would necessitate + the lighting of his forge fire, and would take nearer two hours than one, + "Will it? Then will you set about it at once, blacksmith?" said the + off-hand sergeant, "as it's on his Majesty's service. And if my men can + bear a hand anywhere, they'll make themselves useful." With that, he + called to his men, who came trooping into the kitchen one after another, + and piled their arms in a corner. And then they stood about, as soldiers + do; now, with their hands loosely clasped before them; now, resting a knee + or a shoulder; now, easing a belt or a pouch; now, opening the door to + spit stiffly over their high stocks, out into the yard. + </p> + <p> + All these things I saw without then knowing that I saw them, for I was in + an agony of apprehension. But beginning to perceive that the handcuffs + were not for me, and that the military had so far got the better of the + pie as to put it in the background, I collected a little more of my + scattered wits. + </p> + <p> + "Would you give me the time?" said the sergeant, addressing himself to Mr. + Pumblechook, as to a man whose appreciative powers justified the inference + that he was equal to the time. + </p> + <p> + "It's just gone half past two." + </p> + <p> + "That's not so bad," said the sergeant, reflecting; "even if I was forced + to halt here nigh two hours, that'll do. How far might you call yourselves + from the marshes, hereabouts? Not above a mile, I reckon?" + </p> + <p> + "Just a mile," said Mrs. Joe. + </p> + <p> + "That'll do. We begin to close in upon 'em about dusk. A little before + dusk, my orders are. That'll do." + </p> + <p> + "Convicts, sergeant?" asked Mr. Wopsle, in a matter-of-course way. + </p> + <p> + "Ay!" returned the sergeant, "two. They're pretty well known to be out on + the marshes still, and they won't try to get clear of 'em before dusk. + Anybody here seen anything of any such game?" + </p> + <p> + Everybody, myself excepted, said no, with confidence. Nobody thought of + me. + </p> + <p> + "Well!" said the sergeant, "they'll find themselves trapped in a circle, I + expect, sooner than they count on. Now, blacksmith! If you're ready, his + Majesty the King is." + </p> + <p> + Joe had got his coat and waistcoat and cravat off, and his leather apron + on, and passed into the forge. One of the soldiers opened its wooden + windows, another lighted the fire, another turned to at the bellows, the + rest stood round the blaze, which was soon roaring. Then Joe began to + hammer and clink, hammer and clink, and we all looked on. + </p> + <p> + The interest of the impending pursuit not only absorbed the general + attention, but even made my sister liberal. She drew a pitcher of beer + from the cask for the soldiers, and invited the sergeant to take a glass + of brandy. But Mr. Pumblechook said, sharply, "Give him wine, Mum. I'll + engage there's no Tar in that:" so, the sergeant thanked him and said that + as he preferred his drink without tar, he would take wine, if it was + equally convenient. When it was given him, he drank his Majesty's health + and compliments of the season, and took it all at a mouthful and smacked + his lips. + </p> + <p> + "Good stuff, eh, sergeant?" said Mr. Pumblechook. + </p> + <p> + "I'll tell you something," returned the sergeant; "I suspect that stuff's + of <i>your</i> providing." + </p> + <p> + Mr. Pumblechook, with a fat sort of laugh, said, "Ay, ay? Why?" + </p> + <p> + "Because," returned the sergeant, clapping him on the shoulder, "you're a + man that knows what's what." + </p> + <p> + "D'ye think so?" said Mr. Pumblechook, with his former laugh. "Have + another glass!" + </p> + <p> + "With you. Hob and nob," returned the sergeant. "The top of mine to the + foot of yours,—the foot of yours to the top of mine,—Ring + once, ring twice,—the best tune on the Musical Glasses! Your health. + May you live a thousand years, and never be a worse judge of the right + sort than you are at the present moment of your life!" + </p> + <p> + The sergeant tossed off his glass again and seemed quite ready for another + glass. I noticed that Mr. Pumblechook in his hospitality appeared to + forget that he had made a present of the wine, but took the bottle from + Mrs. Joe and had all the credit of handing it about in a gush of + joviality. Even I got some. And he was so very free of the wine that he + even called for the other bottle, and handed that about with the same + liberality, when the first was gone. + </p> + <p> + As I watched them while they all stood clustering about the forge, + enjoying themselves so much, I thought what terrible good sauce for a + dinner my fugitive friend on the marshes was. They had not enjoyed + themselves a quarter so much, before the entertainment was brightened with + the excitement he furnished. And now, when they were all in lively + anticipation of "the two villains" being taken, and when the bellows + seemed to roar for the fugitives, the fire to flare for them, the smoke to + hurry away in pursuit of them, Joe to hammer and clink for them, and all + the murky shadows on the wall to shake at them in menace as the blaze rose + and sank, and the red-hot sparks dropped and died, the pale afternoon + outside almost seemed in my pitying young fancy to have turned pale on + their account, poor wretches. + </p> + <p> + At last, Joe's job was done, and the ringing and roaring stopped. As Joe + got on his coat, he mustered courage to propose that some of us should go + down with the soldiers and see what came of the hunt. Mr. Pumblechook and + Mr. Hubble declined, on the plea of a pipe and ladies' society; but Mr. + Wopsle said he would go, if Joe would. Joe said he was agreeable, and + would take me, if Mrs. Joe approved. We never should have got leave to go, + I am sure, but for Mrs. Joe's curiosity to know all about it and how it + ended. As it was, she merely stipulated, "If you bring the boy back with + his head blown to bits by a musket, don't look to me to put it together + again." + </p> + <p> + The sergeant took a polite leave of the ladies, and parted from Mr. + Pumblechook as from a comrade; though I doubt if he were quite as fully + sensible of that gentleman's merits under arid conditions, as when + something moist was going. His men resumed their muskets and fell in. Mr. + Wopsle, Joe, and I, received strict charge to keep in the rear, and to + speak no word after we reached the marshes. When we were all out in the + raw air and were steadily moving towards our business, I treasonably + whispered to Joe, "I hope, Joe, we shan't find them." and Joe whispered to + me, "I'd give a shilling if they had cut and run, Pip." + </p> + <p> + We were joined by no stragglers from the village, for the weather was cold + and threatening, the way dreary, the footing bad, darkness coming on, and + the people had good fires in-doors and were keeping the day. A few faces + hurried to glowing windows and looked after us, but none came out. We + passed the finger-post, and held straight on to the churchyard. There we + were stopped a few minutes by a signal from the sergeant's hand, while two + or three of his men dispersed themselves among the graves, and also + examined the porch. They came in again without finding anything, and then + we struck out on the open marshes, through the gate at the side of the + churchyard. A bitter sleet came rattling against us here on the east wind, + and Joe took me on his back. + </p> + <p> + Now that we were out upon the dismal wilderness where they little thought + I had been within eight or nine hours and had seen both men hiding, I + considered for the first time, with great dread, if we should come upon + them, would my particular convict suppose that it was I who had brought + the soldiers there? He had asked me if I was a deceiving imp, and he had + said I should be a fierce young hound if I joined the hunt against him. + Would he believe that I was both imp and hound in treacherous earnest, and + had betrayed him? + </p> + <p> + It was of no use asking myself this question now. There I was, on Joe's + back, and there was Joe beneath me, charging at the ditches like a hunter, + and stimulating Mr. Wopsle not to tumble on his Roman nose, and to keep up + with us. The soldiers were in front of us, extending into a pretty wide + line with an interval between man and man. We were taking the course I had + begun with, and from which I had diverged in the mist. Either the mist was + not out again yet, or the wind had dispelled it. Under the low red glare + of sunset, the beacon, and the gibbet, and the mound of the Battery, and + the opposite shore of the river, were plain, though all of a watery lead + color. + </p> + <p> + With my heart thumping like a blacksmith at Joe's broad shoulder, I looked + all about for any sign of the convicts. I could see none, I could hear + none. Mr. Wopsle had greatly alarmed me more than once, by his blowing and + hard breathing; but I knew the sounds by this time, and could dissociate + them from the object of pursuit. I got a dreadful start, when I thought I + heard the file still going; but it was only a sheep-bell. The sheep + stopped in their eating and looked timidly at us; and the cattle, their + heads turned from the wind and sleet, stared angrily as if they held us + responsible for both annoyances; but, except these things, and the shudder + of the dying day in every blade of grass, there was no break in the bleak + stillness of the marshes. + </p> + <p> + The soldiers were moving on in the direction of the old Battery, and we + were moving on a little way behind them, when, all of a sudden, we all + stopped. For there had reached us on the wings of the wind and rain, a + long shout. It was repeated. It was at a distance towards the east, but it + was long and loud. Nay, there seemed to be two or more shouts raised + together,—if one might judge from a confusion in the sound. + </p> + <p> + To this effect the sergeant and the nearest men were speaking under their + breath, when Joe and I came up. After another moment's listening, Joe (who + was a good judge) agreed, and Mr. Wopsle (who was a bad judge) agreed. The + sergeant, a decisive man, ordered that the sound should not be answered, + but that the course should be changed, and that his men should make + towards it "at the double." So we slanted to the right (where the East + was), and Joe pounded away so wonderfully, that I had to hold on tight to + keep my seat. + </p> + <p> + It was a run indeed now, and what Joe called, in the only two words he + spoke all the time, "a Winder." Down banks and up banks, and over gates, + and splashing into dikes, and breaking among coarse rushes: no man cared + where he went. As we came nearer to the shouting, it became more and more + apparent that it was made by more than one voice. Sometimes, it seemed to + stop altogether, and then the soldiers stopped. When it broke out again, + the soldiers made for it at a greater rate than ever, and we after them. + After a while, we had so run it down, that we could hear one voice calling + "Murder!" and another voice, "Convicts! Runaways! Guard! This way for the + runaway convicts!" Then both voices would seem to be stifled in a + struggle, and then would break out again. And when it had come to this, + the soldiers ran like deer, and Joe too. + </p> + <p> + The sergeant ran in first, when we had run the noise quite down, and two + of his men ran in close upon him. Their pieces were cocked and levelled + when we all ran in. + </p> + <p> + "Here are both men!" panted the sergeant, struggling at the bottom of a + ditch. "Surrender, you two! and confound you for two wild beasts! Come + asunder!" + </p> + <p> + Water was splashing, and mud was flying, and oaths were being sworn, and + blows were being struck, when some more men went down into the ditch to + help the sergeant, and dragged out, separately, my convict and the other + one. Both were bleeding and panting and execrating and struggling; but of + course I knew them both directly. + </p> + <p> + "Mind!" said my convict, wiping blood from his face with his ragged + sleeves, and shaking torn hair from his fingers: "<i>I</i> took him! <i>I</i> give him + up to you! Mind that!" + </p> + <p> + "It's not much to be particular about," said the sergeant; "it'll do you + small good, my man, being in the same plight yourself. Handcuffs there!" + </p> + <p> + "I don't expect it to do me any good. I don't want it to do me more good + than it does now," said my convict, with a greedy laugh. "I took him. He + knows it. That's enough for me." + </p> + <p> + The other convict was livid to look at, and, in addition to the old + bruised left side of his face, seemed to be bruised and torn all over. He + could not so much as get his breath to speak, until they were both + separately handcuffed, but leaned upon a soldier to keep himself from + falling. + </p> + <p> + "Take notice, guard,—he tried to murder me," were his first words. + </p> + <p> + "Tried to murder him?" said my convict, disdainfully. "Try, and not do it? + I took him, and giv' him up; that's what I done. I not only prevented him + getting off the marshes, but I dragged him here,—dragged him this + far on his way back. He's a gentleman, if you please, this villain. Now, + the Hulks has got its gentleman again, through me. Murder him? Worth my + while, too, to murder him, when I could do worse and drag him back!" + </p> + <p> + The other one still gasped, "He tried—he tried-to—murder me. + Bear—bear witness." + </p> + <p> + "Lookee here!" said my convict to the sergeant. "Single-handed I got clear + of the prison-ship; I made a dash and I done it. I could ha' got clear of + these death-cold flats likewise—look at my leg: you won't find much + iron on it—if I hadn't made the discovery that <i>he</i> was here. Let <i>him</i> + go free? Let <i>him</i> profit by the means as I found out? Let <i>him</i> make a tool + of me afresh and again? Once more? No, no, no. If I had died at the bottom + there," and he made an emphatic swing at the ditch with his manacled + hands, "I'd have held to him with that grip, that you should have been + safe to find him in my hold." + </p> + <p> + The other fugitive, who was evidently in extreme horror of his companion, + repeated, "He tried to murder me. I should have been a dead man if you had + not come up." + </p> + <p> + "He lies!" said my convict, with fierce energy. "He's a liar born, and + he'll die a liar. Look at his face; ain't it written there? Let him turn + those eyes of his on me. I defy him to do it." + </p> + <p> + The other, with an effort at a scornful smile, which could not, however, + collect the nervous working of his mouth into any set expression, looked + at the soldiers, and looked about at the marshes and at the sky, but + certainly did not look at the speaker. + </p> + <p> + "Do you see him?" pursued my convict. "Do you see what a villain he is? Do + you see those grovelling and wandering eyes? That's how he looked when we + were tried together. He never looked at me." + </p> + <p> + The other, always working and working his dry lips and turning his eyes + restlessly about him far and near, did at last turn them for a moment on + the speaker, with the words, "You are not much to look at," and with a + half-taunting glance at the bound hands. At that point, my convict became + so frantically exasperated, that he would have rushed upon him but for the + interposition of the soldiers. "Didn't I tell you," said the other convict + then, "that he would murder me, if he could?" And any one could see that + he shook with fear, and that there broke out upon his lips curious white + flakes, like thin snow. + </p> + <p> + "Enough of this parley," said the sergeant. "Light those torches." + </p> + <p> + As one of the soldiers, who carried a basket in lieu of a gun, went down + on his knee to open it, my convict looked round him for the first time, + and saw me. I had alighted from Joe's back on the brink of the ditch when + we came up, and had not moved since. I looked at him eagerly when he + looked at me, and slightly moved my hands and shook my head. I had been + waiting for him to see me that I might try to assure him of my innocence. + It was not at all expressed to me that he even comprehended my intention, + for he gave me a look that I did not understand, and it all passed in a + moment. But if he had looked at me for an hour or for a day, I could not + have remembered his face ever afterwards, as having been more attentive. + </p> + <p> + The soldier with the basket soon got a light, and lighted three or four + torches, and took one himself and distributed the others. It had been + almost dark before, but now it seemed quite dark, and soon afterwards very + dark. Before we departed from that spot, four soldiers standing in a ring, + fired twice into the air. Presently we saw other torches kindled at some + distance behind us, and others on the marshes on the opposite bank of the + river. "All right," said the sergeant. "March." + </p> + <p> + We had not gone far when three cannon were fired ahead of us with a sound + that seemed to burst something inside my ear. "You are expected on board," + said the sergeant to my convict; "they know you are coming. Don't + straggle, my man. Close up here." + </p> + <p> + The two were kept apart, and each walked surrounded by a separate guard. I + had hold of Joe's hand now, and Joe carried one of the torches. Mr. Wopsle + had been for going back, but Joe was resolved to see it out, so we went on + with the party. There was a reasonably good path now, mostly on the edge + of the river, with a divergence here and there where a dike came, with a + miniature windmill on it and a muddy sluice-gate. When I looked round, I + could see the other lights coming in after us. The torches we carried + dropped great blotches of fire upon the track, and I could see those, too, + lying smoking and flaring. I could see nothing else but black darkness. + Our lights warmed the air about us with their pitchy blaze, and the two + prisoners seemed rather to like that, as they limped along in the midst of + the muskets. We could not go fast, because of their lameness; and they + were so spent, that two or three times we had to halt while they rested. + </p> + <p> + After an hour or so of this travelling, we came to a rough wooden hut and + a landing-place. There was a guard in the hut, and they challenged, and + the sergeant answered. Then, we went into the hut, where there was a smell + of tobacco and whitewash, and a bright fire, and a lamp, and a stand of + muskets, and a drum, and a low wooden bedstead, like an overgrown mangle + without the machinery, capable of holding about a dozen soldiers all at + once. Three or four soldiers who lay upon it in their great-coats were not + much interested in us, but just lifted their heads and took a sleepy + stare, and then lay down again. The sergeant made some kind of report, and + some entry in a book, and then the convict whom I call the other convict + was drafted off with his guard, to go on board first. + </p> + <p> + My convict never looked at me, except that once. While we stood in the + hut, he stood before the fire looking thoughtfully at it, or putting up + his feet by turns upon the hob, and looking thoughtfully at them as if he + pitied them for their recent adventures. Suddenly, he turned to the + sergeant, and remarked,— + </p> + <p> + "I wish to say something respecting this escape. It may prevent some + persons laying under suspicion alonger me." + </p> + <p> + "You can say what you like," returned the sergeant, standing coolly + looking at him with his arms folded, "but you have no call to say it here. + You'll have opportunity enough to say about it, and hear about it, before + it's done with, you know." + </p> + <p> + "I know, but this is another pint, a separate matter. A man can't starve; + at least <i>I</i> can't. I took some wittles, up at the willage over yonder,—where + the church stands a'most out on the marshes." + </p> + <p> + "You mean stole," said the sergeant. + </p> + <p> + "And I'll tell you where from. From the blacksmith's." + </p> + <p> + "Halloa!" said the sergeant, staring at Joe. + </p> + <p> + "Halloa, Pip!" said Joe, staring at me. + </p> + <p> + "It was some broken wittles—that's what it was—and a dram of + liquor, and a pie." + </p> + <p> + "Have you happened to miss such an article as a pie, blacksmith?" asked + the sergeant, confidentially. + </p> + <p> + "My wife did, at the very moment when you came in. Don't you know, Pip?" + </p> + <p> + "So," said my convict, turning his eyes on Joe in a moody manner, and + without the least glance at me,—"so you're the blacksmith, are you? + Than I'm sorry to say, I've eat your pie." + </p> + <p> + "God knows you're welcome to it,—so far as it was ever mine," + returned Joe, with a saving remembrance of Mrs. Joe. "We don't know what + you have done, but we wouldn't have you starved to death for it, poor + miserable fellow-creatur.—Would us, Pip?" + </p> + <p> + The something that I had noticed before, clicked in the man's throat + again, and he turned his back. The boat had returned, and his guard were + ready, so we followed him to the landing-place made of rough stakes and + stones, and saw him put into the boat, which was rowed by a crew of + convicts like himself. No one seemed surprised to see him, or interested + in seeing him, or glad to see him, or sorry to see him, or spoke a word, + except that somebody in the boat growled as if to dogs, "Give way, you!" + which was the signal for the dip of the oars. By the light of the torches, + we saw the black Hulk lying out a little way from the mud of the shore, + like a wicked Noah's ark. Cribbed and barred and moored by massive rusty + chains, the prison-ship seemed in my young eyes to be ironed like the + prisoners. We saw the boat go alongside, and we saw him taken up the side + and disappear. Then, the ends of the torches were flung hissing into the + water, and went out, as if it were all over with him. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0006" id="link2HCH0006"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter VI + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">M</span>y state of mind regarding the pilfering from which I had been so + unexpectedly exonerated did not impel me to frank disclosure; but I hope + it had some dregs of good at the bottom of it. + </p> + <p> + I do not recall that I felt any tenderness of conscience in reference to + Mrs. Joe, when the fear of being found out was lifted off me. But I loved + Joe,—perhaps for no better reason in those early days than because + the dear fellow let me love him,—and, as to him, my inner self was + not so easily composed. It was much upon my mind (particularly when I + first saw him looking about for his file) that I ought to tell Joe the + whole truth. Yet I did not, and for the reason that I mistrusted that if I + did, he would think me worse than I was. The fear of losing Joe's + confidence, and of thenceforth sitting in the chimney corner at night + staring drearily at my forever lost companion and friend, tied up my + tongue. I morbidly represented to myself that if Joe knew it, I never + afterwards could see him at the fireside feeling his fair whisker, without + thinking that he was meditating on it. That, if Joe knew it, I never + afterwards could see him glance, however casually, at yesterday's meat or + pudding when it came on to-day's table, without thinking that he was + debating whether I had been in the pantry. That, if Joe knew it, and at + any subsequent period of our joint domestic life remarked that his beer + was flat or thick, the conviction that he suspected Tar in it, would bring + a rush of blood to my face. In a word, I was too cowardly to do what I + knew to be right, as I had been too cowardly to avoid doing what I knew to + be wrong. I had had no intercourse with the world at that time, and I + imitated none of its many inhabitants who act in this manner. Quite an + untaught genius, I made the discovery of the line of action for myself. + </p> + <p> + As I was sleepy before we were far away from the prison-ship, Joe took me + on his back again and carried me home. He must have had a tiresome journey + of it, for Mr. Wopsle, being knocked up, was in such a very bad temper + that if the Church had been thrown open, he would probably have + excommunicated the whole expedition, beginning with Joe and myself. In his + lay capacity, he persisted in sitting down in the damp to such an insane + extent, that when his coat was taken off to be dried at the kitchen fire, + the circumstantial evidence on his trousers would have hanged him, if it + had been a capital offence. + </p> + <p> + By that time, I was staggering on the kitchen floor like a little + drunkard, through having been newly set upon my feet, and through having + been fast asleep, and through waking in the heat and lights and noise of + tongues. As I came to myself (with the aid of a heavy thump between the + shoulders, and the restorative exclamation "Yah! Was there ever such a boy + as this!" from my sister,) I found Joe telling them about the convict's + confession, and all the visitors suggesting different ways by which he had + got into the pantry. Mr. Pumblechook made out, after carefully surveying + the premises, that he had first got upon the roof of the forge, and had + then got upon the roof of the house, and had then let himself down the + kitchen chimney by a rope made of his bedding cut into strips; and as Mr. + Pumblechook was very positive and drove his own chaise-cart—over + Everybody—it was agreed that it must be so. Mr. Wopsle, indeed, + wildly cried out, "No!" with the feeble malice of a tired man; but, as he + had no theory, and no coat on, he was unanimously set at naught,—not + to mention his smoking hard behind, as he stood with his back to the + kitchen fire to draw the damp out: which was not calculated to inspire + confidence. + </p> + <p> + This was all I heard that night before my sister clutched me, as a + slumberous offence to the company's eyesight, and assisted me up to bed + with such a strong hand that I seemed to have fifty boots on, and to be + dangling them all against the edges of the stairs. My state of mind, as I + have described it, began before I was up in the morning, and lasted long + after the subject had died out, and had ceased to be mentioned saving on + exceptional occasions. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0007" id="link2HCH0007"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter VII + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">A</span>t the time when I stood in the churchyard reading the family tombstones, + I had just enough learning to be able to spell them out. My construction + even of their simple meaning was not very correct, for I read "wife of the + Above" as a complimentary reference to my father's exaltation to a better + world; and if any one of my deceased relations had been referred to as + "Below," I have no doubt I should have formed the worst opinions of that + member of the family. Neither were my notions of the theological positions + to which my Catechism bound me, at all accurate; for, I have a lively + remembrance that I supposed my declaration that I was to "walk in the same + all the days of my life," laid me under an obligation always to go through + the village from our house in one particular direction, and never to vary + it by turning down by the wheelwright's or up by the mill. + </p> + <p> + When I was old enough, I was to be apprenticed to Joe, and until I could + assume that dignity I was not to be what Mrs. Joe called "Pompeyed," or + (as I render it) pampered. Therefore, I was not only odd-boy about the + forge, but if any neighbor happened to want an extra boy to frighten + birds, or pick up stones, or do any such job, I was favored with the + employment. In order, however, that our superior position might not be + compromised thereby, a money-box was kept on the kitchen mantel-shelf, in + to which it was publicly made known that all my earnings were dropped. I + have an impression that they were to be contributed eventually towards the + liquidation of the National Debt, but I know I had no hope of any personal + participation in the treasure. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Wopsle's great-aunt kept an evening school in the village; that is to + say, she was a ridiculous old woman of limited means and unlimited + infirmity, who used to go to sleep from six to seven every evening, in the + society of youth who paid two pence per week each, for the improving + opportunity of seeing her do it. She rented a small cottage, and Mr. + Wopsle had the room up stairs, where we students used to overhear him + reading aloud in a most dignified and terrific manner, and occasionally + bumping on the ceiling. There was a fiction that Mr. Wopsle "examined" the + scholars once a quarter. What he did on those occasions was to turn up his + cuffs, stick up his hair, and give us Mark Antony's oration over the body + of Caesar. This was always followed by Collins's Ode on the Passions, + wherein I particularly venerated Mr. Wopsle as Revenge throwing his + blood-stained sword in thunder down, and taking the War-denouncing trumpet + with a withering look. It was not with me then, as it was in later life, + when I fell into the society of the Passions, and compared them with + Collins and Wopsle, rather to the disadvantage of both gentlemen. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Wopsle's great-aunt, besides keeping this Educational Institution, + kept in the same room—a little general shop. She had no idea what + stock she had, or what the price of anything in it was; but there was a + little greasy memorandum-book kept in a drawer, which served as a + Catalogue of Prices, and by this oracle Biddy arranged all the shop + transaction. Biddy was Mr. Wopsle's great-aunt's granddaughter; I confess + myself quiet unequal to the working out of the problem, what relation she + was to Mr. Wopsle. She was an orphan like myself; like me, too, had been + brought up by hand. She was most noticeable, I thought, in respect of her + extremities; for, her hair always wanted brushing, her hands always wanted + washing, and her shoes always wanted mending and pulling up at heel. This + description must be received with a week-day limitation. On Sundays, she + went to church elaborated. + </p> + <p> + Much of my unassisted self, and more by the help of Biddy than of Mr. + Wopsle's great-aunt, I struggled through the alphabet as if it had been a + bramble-bush; getting considerably worried and scratched by every letter. + After that I fell among those thieves, the nine figures, who seemed every + evening to do something new to disguise themselves and baffle recognition. + But, at last I began, in a purblind groping way, to read, write, and + cipher, on the very smallest scale. + </p> + <p> + One night I was sitting in the chimney corner with my slate, expending + great efforts on the production of a letter to Joe. I think it must have + been a full year after our hunt upon the marshes, for it was a long time + after, and it was winter and a hard frost. With an alphabet on the hearth + at my feet for reference, I contrived in an hour or two to print and smear + this epistle:— + </p> + <p> + "MI DEER JO i OPE U R KR WITE WELL i OPE i SHAL SON B HABELL 4 2 TEEDGE U + JO AN THEN WE SHORL B SO GLODD AN WEN i M PRENGTD 2 U JO WOT LARX AN BLEVE + ME INF XN PIP." + </p> + <p> + There was no indispensable necessity for my communicating with Joe by + letter, inasmuch as he sat beside me and we were alone. But I delivered + this written communication (slate and all) with my own hand, and Joe + received it as a miracle of erudition. + </p> + <p> + "I say, Pip, old chap!" cried Joe, opening his blue eyes wide, "what a + scholar you are! An't you?" + </p> + <p> + "I should like to be," said I, glancing at the slate as he held it; with a + misgiving that the writing was rather hilly. + </p> + <p> + "Why, here's a J," said Joe, "and a O equal to anythink! Here's a J and a + O, Pip, and a J-O, Joe." + </p> +<div class="fig" > + <img src="images/0072m.jpg" alt="0072m " /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/0072.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + I had never heard Joe read aloud to any greater extent than this + monosyllable, and I had observed at church last Sunday, when I + accidentally held our Prayer-Book upside down, that it seemed to suit his + convenience quite as well as if it had been all right. Wishing to embrace + the present occasion of finding out whether in teaching Joe, I should have + to begin quite at the beginning, I said, "Ah! But read the rest, Jo." + </p> + <p> + "The rest, eh, Pip?" said Joe, looking at it with a slow, searching eye, + "One, two, three. Why, here's three Js, and three Os, and three J-O, Joes + in it, Pip!" + </p> + <p> + I leaned over Joe, and, with the aid of my forefinger read him the whole + letter. + </p> + <p> + "Astonishing!" said Joe, when I had finished. "You ARE a scholar." + </p> + <p> + "How do you spell Gargery, Joe?" I asked him, with a modest patronage. + </p> + <p> + "I don't spell it at all," said Joe. + </p> + <p> + "But supposing you did?" + </p> + <p> + "It <i>can't</i> be supposed," said Joe. "Tho' I'm uncommon fond of reading, + too." + </p> + <p> + "Are you, Joe?" + </p> + <p> + "On-common. Give me," said Joe, "a good book, or a good newspaper, and sit + me down afore a good fire, and I ask no better. Lord!" he continued, after + rubbing his knees a little, "when you <i>do</i> come to a J and a O, and says + you, 'Here, at last, is a J-O, Joe,' how interesting reading is!" + </p> + <p> + I derived from this, that Joe's education, like Steam, was yet in its + infancy. Pursuing the subject, I inquired,— + </p> + <p> + "Didn't you ever go to school, Joe, when you were as little as me?" + </p> + <p> + "No, Pip." + </p> + <p> + "Why didn't you ever go to school, Joe, when you were as little as me?" + </p> + <p> + "Well, Pip," said Joe, taking up the poker, and settling himself to his + usual occupation when he was thoughtful, of slowly raking the fire between + the lower bars; "I'll tell you. My father, Pip, he were given to drink, + and when he were overtook with drink, he hammered away at my mother, most + onmerciful. It were a'most the only hammering he did, indeed, 'xcepting at + myself. And he hammered at me with a wigor only to be equalled by the + wigor with which he didn't hammer at his anwil.—You're a listening + and understanding, Pip?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, Joe." + </p> + <p> + "'Consequence, my mother and me we ran away from my father several times; + and then my mother she'd go out to work, and she'd say, "Joe," she'd say, + "now, please God, you shall have some schooling, child," and she'd put me + to school. But my father were that good in his hart that he couldn't abear + to be without us. So, he'd come with a most tremenjous crowd and make such + a row at the doors of the houses where we was, that they used to be + obligated to have no more to do with us and to give us up to him. And then + he took us home and hammered us. Which, you see, Pip," said Joe, pausing + in his meditative raking of the fire, and looking at me, "were a drawback + on my learning." + </p> + <p> + "Certainly, poor Joe!" + </p> + <p> + "Though mind you, Pip," said Joe, with a judicial touch or two of the + poker on the top bar, "rendering unto all their doo, and maintaining equal + justice betwixt man and man, my father were that good in his hart, don't + you see?" + </p> + <p> + I didn't see; but I didn't say so. + </p> + <p> + "Well!" Joe pursued, "somebody must keep the pot a biling, Pip, or the pot + won't bile, don't you know?" + </p> + <p> + I saw that, and said so. + </p> + <p> + "'Consequence, my father didn't make objections to my going to work; so I + went to work at my present calling, which were his too, if he would have + followed it, and I worked tolerable hard, I assure <i>you</i>, Pip. In time I + were able to keep him, and I kep him till he went off in a purple leptic + fit. And it were my intentions to have had put upon his tombstone that, + Whatsume'er the failings on his part, Remember reader he were that good in + his heart." + </p> + <p> + Joe recited this couplet with such manifest pride and careful perspicuity, + that I asked him if he had made it himself. + </p> + <p> + "I made it," said Joe, "my own self. I made it in a moment. It was like + striking out a horseshoe complete, in a single blow. I never was so much + surprised in all my life,—couldn't credit my own ed,—to tell + you the truth, hardly believed it <i>were</i> my own ed. As I was saying, Pip, it + were my intentions to have had it cut over him; but poetry costs money, + cut it how you will, small or large, and it were not done. Not to mention + bearers, all the money that could be spared were wanted for my mother. She + were in poor elth, and quite broke. She weren't long of following, poor + soul, and her share of peace come round at last." + </p> + <p> + Joe's blue eyes turned a little watery; he rubbed first one of them, and + then the other, in a most uncongenial and uncomfortable manner, with the + round knob on the top of the poker. + </p> + <p> + "It were but lonesome then," said Joe, "living here alone, and I got + acquainted with your sister. Now, Pip,"—Joe looked firmly at me as + if he knew I was not going to agree with him;—"your sister is a fine + figure of a woman." + </p> + <p> + I could not help looking at the fire, in an obvious state of doubt. + </p> + <p> + "Whatever family opinions, or whatever the world's opinions, on that + subject may be, Pip, your sister is," Joe tapped the top bar with the + poker after every word following, "a-fine-figure—of—a—woman!" + </p> + <p> + I could think of nothing better to say than "I am glad you think so, Joe." + </p> + <p> + "So am I," returned Joe, catching me up. "<i>I</i> am glad I think so, Pip. A + little redness or a little matter of Bone, here or there, what does it + signify to Me?" + </p> + <p> + I sagaciously observed, if it didn't signify to him, to whom did it + signify? + </p> + <p> + "Certainly!" assented Joe. "That's it. You're right, old chap! When I got + acquainted with your sister, it were the talk how she was bringing you up + by hand. Very kind of her too, all the folks said, and I said, along with + all the folks. As to you," Joe pursued with a countenance expressive of + seeing something very nasty indeed, "if you could have been aware how + small and flabby and mean you was, dear me, you'd have formed the most + contemptible opinion of yourself!" + </p> + <p> + Not exactly relishing this, I said, "Never mind me, Joe." + </p> + <p> + "But I did mind you, Pip," he returned with tender simplicity. "When I + offered to your sister to keep company, and to be asked in church at such + times as she was willing and ready to come to the forge, I said to her, + 'And bring the poor little child. God bless the poor little child,' I said + to your sister, 'there's room for <i>him</i> at the forge!'" + </p> + <p> + I broke out crying and begging pardon, and hugged Joe round the neck: who + dropped the poker to hug me, and to say, "Ever the best of friends; an't + us, Pip? Don't cry, old chap!" + </p> + <p> + When this little interruption was over, Joe resumed:— + </p> + <p> + "Well, you see, Pip, and here we are! That's about where it lights; here + we are! Now, when you take me in hand in my learning, Pip (and I tell you + beforehand I am awful dull, most awful dull), Mrs. Joe mustn't see too + much of what we're up to. It must be done, as I may say, on the sly. And + why on the sly? I'll tell you why, Pip." + </p> + <p> + He had taken up the poker again; without which, I doubt if he could have + proceeded in his demonstration. + </p> + <p> + "Your sister is given to government." + </p> + <p> + "Given to government, Joe?" I was startled, for I had some shadowy idea + (and I am afraid I must add, hope) that Joe had divorced her in a favor of + the Lords of the Admiralty, or Treasury. + </p> + <p> + "Given to government," said Joe. "Which I meantersay the government of you + and myself." + </p> + <p> + "Oh!" + </p> + <p> + "And she an't over partial to having scholars on the premises," Joe + continued, "and in partickler would not be over partial to my being a + scholar, for fear as I might rise. Like a sort of rebel, don't you see?" + </p> + <p> + I was going to retort with an inquiry, and had got as far as "Why—" + when Joe stopped me. + </p> + <p> + "Stay a bit. I know what you're a going to say, Pip; stay a bit! I don't + deny that your sister comes the Mo-gul over us, now and again. I don't + deny that she do throw us back-falls, and that she do drop down upon us + heavy. At such times as when your sister is on the Ram-page, Pip," Joe + sank his voice to a whisper and glanced at the door, "candor compels fur + to admit that she is a Buster." + </p> + <p> + Joe pronounced this word, as if it began with at least twelve capital Bs. + </p> + <p> + "Why don't I rise? That were your observation when I broke it off, Pip?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, Joe." + </p> + <p> + "Well," said Joe, passing the poker into his left hand, that he might feel + his whisker; and I had no hope of him whenever he took to that placid + occupation; "your sister's a master-mind. A master-mind." + </p> + <p> + "What's that?" I asked, in some hope of bringing him to a stand. But Joe + was readier with his definition than I had expected, and completely + stopped me by arguing circularly, and answering with a fixed look, "Her." + </p> + <p> + "And I ain't a master-mind," Joe resumed, when he had unfixed his look, + and got back to his whisker. "And last of all, Pip,—and this I want + to say very serious to you, old chap,—I see so much in my poor + mother, of a woman drudging and slaving and breaking her honest hart and + never getting no peace in her mortal days, that I'm dead afeerd of going + wrong in the way of not doing what's right by a woman, and I'd fur rather + of the two go wrong the t'other way, and be a little ill-conwenienced + myself. I wish it was only me that got put out, Pip; I wish there warn't + no Tickler for you, old chap; I wish I could take it all on myself; but + this is the up-and-down-and-straight on it, Pip, and I hope you'll + overlook shortcomings." + </p> + <p> + Young as I was, I believe that I dated a new admiration of Joe from that + night. We were equals afterwards, as we had been before; but, afterwards + at quiet times when I sat looking at Joe and thinking about him, I had a + new sensation of feeling conscious that I was looking up to Joe in my + heart. + </p> + <p> + "However," said Joe, rising to replenish the fire; "here's the Dutch-clock + a working himself up to being equal to strike Eight of 'em, and she's not + come home yet! I hope Uncle Pumblechook's mare mayn't have set a forefoot + on a piece o' ice, and gone down." + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Joe made occasional trips with Uncle Pumblechook on market-days, to + assist him in buying such household stuffs and goods as required a woman's + judgment; Uncle Pumblechook being a bachelor and reposing no confidences + in his domestic servant. This was market-day, and Mrs. Joe was out on one + of these expeditions. + </p> + <p> + Joe made the fire and swept the hearth, and then we went to the door to + listen for the chaise-cart. It was a dry cold night, and the wind blew + keenly, and the frost was white and hard. A man would die to-night of + lying out on the marshes, I thought. And then I looked at the stars, and + considered how awful it would be for a man to turn his face up to them as + he froze to death, and see no help or pity in all the glittering + multitude. + </p> + <p> + "Here comes the mare," said Joe, "ringing like a peal of bells!" + </p> + <p> + The sound of her iron shoes upon the hard road was quite musical, as she + came along at a much brisker trot than usual. We got a chair out, ready + for Mrs. Joe's alighting, and stirred up the fire that they might see a + bright window, and took a final survey of the kitchen that nothing might + be out of its place. When we had completed these preparations, they drove + up, wrapped to the eyes. Mrs. Joe was soon landed, and Uncle Pumblechook + was soon down too, covering the mare with a cloth, and we were soon all in + the kitchen, carrying so much cold air in with us that it seemed to drive + all the heat out of the fire. + </p> + <p> + "Now," said Mrs. Joe, unwrapping herself with haste and excitement, and + throwing her bonnet back on her shoulders where it hung by the strings, + "if this boy ain't grateful this night, he never will be!" + </p> + <p> + I looked as grateful as any boy possibly could, who was wholly uninformed + why he ought to assume that expression. + </p> + <p> + "It's only to be hoped," said my sister, "that he won't be Pompeyed. But I + have my fears." + </p> + <p> + "She ain't in that line, Mum," said Mr. Pumblechook. "She knows better." + </p> + <p> + She? I looked at Joe, making the motion with my lips and eyebrows, "She?" + Joe looked at me, making the motion with <i>his</i> lips and eyebrows, "She?" My + sister catching him in the act, he drew the back of his hand across his + nose with his usual conciliatory air on such occasions, and looked at her. + </p> + <p> + "Well?" said my sister, in her snappish way. "What are you staring at? Is + the house afire?" + </p> + <p> + "—Which some individual," Joe politely hinted, "mentioned—she." + </p> + <p> + "And she is a she, I suppose?" said my sister. "Unless you call Miss + Havisham a he. And I doubt if even you'll go so far as that." + </p> + <p> + "Miss Havisham, up town?" said Joe. + </p> + <p> + "Is there any Miss Havisham down town?" returned my sister. + </p> + <p> + "She wants this boy to go and play there. And of course he's going. And he + had better play there," said my sister, shaking her head at me as an + encouragement to be extremely light and sportive, "or I'll work him." + </p> + <p> + I had heard of Miss Havisham up town,—everybody for miles round had + heard of Miss Havisham up town,—as an immensely rich and grim lady + who lived in a large and dismal house barricaded against robbers, and who + led a life of seclusion. + </p> + <p> + "Well to be sure!" said Joe, astounded. "I wonder how she come to know + Pip!" + </p> + <p> + "Noodle!" cried my sister. "Who said she knew him?" + </p> + <p> + "—Which some individual," Joe again politely hinted, "mentioned that + she wanted him to go and play there." + </p> + <p> + "And couldn't she ask Uncle Pumblechook if he knew of a boy to go and play + there? Isn't it just barely possible that Uncle Pumblechook may be a + tenant of hers, and that he may sometimes—we won't say quarterly or + half-yearly, for that would be requiring too much of you—but + sometimes—go there to pay his rent? And couldn't she then ask Uncle + Pumblechook if he knew of a boy to go and play there? And couldn't Uncle + Pumblechook, being always considerate and thoughtful for us—though + you may not think it, Joseph," in a tone of the deepest reproach, as if he + were the most callous of nephews, "then mention this boy, standing + Prancing here"—which I solemnly declare I was not doing—"that + I have for ever been a willing slave to?" + </p> + <p> + "Good again!" cried Uncle Pumblechook. "Well put! Prettily pointed! Good + indeed! Now Joseph, you know the case." + </p> + <p> + "No, Joseph," said my sister, still in a reproachful manner, while Joe + apologetically drew the back of his hand across and across his nose, "you + do not yet—though you may not think it—know the case. You may + consider that you do, but you do <i>not</i>, Joseph. For you do not know that + Uncle Pumblechook, being sensible that for anything we can tell, this + boy's fortune may be made by his going to Miss Havisham's, has offered to + take him into town to-night in his own chaise-cart, and to keep him + to-night, and to take him with his own hands to Miss Havisham's to-morrow + morning. And Lor-a-mussy me!" cried my sister, casting off her bonnet in + sudden desperation, "here I stand talking to mere Mooncalfs, with Uncle + Pumblechook waiting, and the mare catching cold at the door, and the boy + grimed with crock and dirt from the hair of his head to the sole of his + foot!" + </p> + <p> + With that, she pounced upon me, like an eagle on a lamb, and my face was + squeezed into wooden bowls in sinks, and my head was put under taps of + water-butts, and I was soaped, and kneaded, and towelled, and thumped, and + harrowed, and rasped, until I really was quite beside myself. (I may here + remark that I suppose myself to be better acquainted than any living + authority, with the ridgy effect of a wedding-ring, passing + unsympathetically over the human countenance.) + </p> + <p> + When my ablutions were completed, I was put into clean linen of the + stiffest character, like a young penitent into sackcloth, and was trussed + up in my tightest and fearfullest suit. I was then delivered over to Mr. + Pumblechook, who formally received me as if he were the Sheriff, and who + let off upon me the speech that I knew he had been dying to make all + along: "Boy, be forever grateful to all friends, but especially unto them + which brought you up by hand!" + </p> + <p> + "Good-bye, Joe!" + </p> + <p> + "God bless you, Pip, old chap!" + </p> + <p> + I had never parted from him before, and what with my feelings and what + with soapsuds, I could at first see no stars from the chaise-cart. But + they twinkled out one by one, without throwing any light on the questions + why on earth I was going to play at Miss Havisham's, and what on earth I + was expected to play at. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0008" id="link2HCH0008"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter VIII + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">M</span>r. Pumblechook's premises in the High Street of the market town, were of + a peppercorny and farinaceous character, as the premises of a cornchandler + and seedsman should be. It appeared to me that he must be a very happy man + indeed, to have so many little drawers in his shop; and I wondered when I + peeped into one or two on the lower tiers, and saw the tied-up brown paper + packets inside, whether the flower-seeds and bulbs ever wanted of a fine + day to break out of those jails, and bloom. + </p> + <p> + It was in the early morning after my arrival that I entertained this + speculation. On the previous night, I had been sent straight to bed in an + attic with a sloping roof, which was so low in the corner where the + bedstead was, that I calculated the tiles as being within a foot of my + eyebrows. In the same early morning, I discovered a singular affinity + between seeds and corduroys. Mr. Pumblechook wore corduroys, and so did + his shopman; and somehow, there was a general air and flavor about the + corduroys, so much in the nature of seeds, and a general air and flavor + about the seeds, so much in the nature of corduroys, that I hardly knew + which was which. The same opportunity served me for noticing that Mr. + Pumblechook appeared to conduct his business by looking across the street + at the saddler, who appeared to transact <i>his</i> business by keeping his eye + on the coachmaker, who appeared to get on in life by putting his hands in + his pockets and contemplating the baker, who in his turn folded his arms + and stared at the grocer, who stood at his door and yawned at the chemist. + The watchmaker, always poring over a little desk with a magnifying-glass + at his eye, and always inspected by a group of smock-frocks poring over + him through the glass of his shop-window, seemed to be about the only + person in the High Street whose trade engaged his attention. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Pumblechook and I breakfasted at eight o'clock in the parlor behind + the shop, while the shopman took his mug of tea and hunch of bread and + butter on a sack of peas in the front premises. I considered Mr. + Pumblechook wretched company. Besides being possessed by my sister's idea + that a mortifying and penitential character ought to be imparted to my + diet,—besides giving me as much crumb as possible in combination + with as little butter, and putting such a quantity of warm water into my + milk that it would have been more candid to have left the milk out + altogether,—his conversation consisted of nothing but arithmetic. On + my politely bidding him Good morning, he said, pompously, "Seven times + nine, boy?" And how should <i>I</i> be able to answer, dodged in that way, in a + strange place, on an empty stomach! I was hungry, but before I had + swallowed a morsel, he began a running sum that lasted all through the + breakfast. "Seven?" "And four?" "And eight?" "And six?" "And two?" "And + ten?" And so on. And after each figure was disposed of, it was as much as + I could do to get a bite or a sup, before the next came; while he sat at + his ease guessing nothing, and eating bacon and hot roll, in (if I may be + allowed the expression) a gorging and gormandizing manner. + </p> + <p> + For such reasons, I was very glad when ten o'clock came and we started for + Miss Havisham's; though I was not at all at my ease regarding the manner + in which I should acquit myself under that lady's roof. Within a quarter + of an hour we came to Miss Havisham's house, which was of old brick, and + dismal, and had a great many iron bars to it. Some of the windows had been + walled up; of those that remained, all the lower were rustily barred. + There was a courtyard in front, and that was barred; so we had to wait, + after ringing the bell, until some one should come to open it. While we + waited at the gate, I peeped in (even then Mr. Pumblechook said, "And + fourteen?" but I pretended not to hear him), and saw that at the side of + the house there was a large brewery. No brewing was going on in it, and + none seemed to have gone on for a long long time. + </p> + <p> + A window was raised, and a clear voice demanded "What name?" To which my + conductor replied, "Pumblechook." The voice returned, "Quite right," and + the window was shut again, and a young lady came across the court-yard, + with keys in her hand. + </p> + <p> + "This," said Mr. Pumblechook, "is Pip." + </p> + <p> + "This is Pip, is it?" returned the young lady, who was very pretty and + seemed very proud; "come in, Pip." + </p> + <p> + Mr. Pumblechook was coming in also, when she stopped him with the gate. + </p> + <p> + "Oh!" she said. "Did you wish to see Miss Havisham?" + </p> + <p> + "If Miss Havisham wished to see me," returned Mr. Pumblechook, + discomfited. + </p> + <p> + "Ah!" said the girl; "but you see she don't." + </p> + <p> + She said it so finally, and in such an undiscussible way, that Mr. + Pumblechook, though in a condition of ruffled dignity, could not protest. + But he eyed me severely,—as if <i>I</i> had done anything to him!—and + departed with the words reproachfully delivered: "Boy! Let your behavior + here be a credit unto them which brought you up by hand!" I was not free + from apprehension that he would come back to propound through the gate, + "And sixteen?" But he didn't. + </p> + <p> + My young conductress locked the gate, and we went across the courtyard. It + was paved and clean, but grass was growing in every crevice. The brewery + buildings had a little lane of communication with it, and the wooden gates + of that lane stood open, and all the brewery beyond stood open, away to + the high enclosing wall; and all was empty and disused. The cold wind + seemed to blow colder there than outside the gate; and it made a shrill + noise in howling in and out at the open sides of the brewery, like the + noise of wind in the rigging of a ship at sea. + </p> + <p> + She saw me looking at it, and she said, "You could drink without hurt all + the strong beer that's brewed there now, boy." + </p> + <p> + "I should think I could, miss," said I, in a shy way. + </p> + <p> + "Better not try to brew beer there now, or it would turn out sour, boy; + don't you think so?" + </p> + <p> + "It looks like it, miss." + </p> + <p> + "Not that anybody means to try," she added, "for that's all done with, and + the place will stand as idle as it is till it falls. As to strong beer, + there's enough of it in the cellars already, to drown the Manor House." + </p> +<div class="fig" > + <img src="images/0082m.jpg" alt="0082m " /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/0082.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + "Is that the name of this house, miss?" + </p> + <p> + "One of its names, boy." + </p> + <p> + "It has more than one, then, miss?" + </p> + <p> + "One more. Its other name was Satis; which is Greek, or Latin, or Hebrew, + or all three—or all one to me—for enough." + </p> + <p> + "Enough House," said I; "that's a curious name, miss." + </p> + <p> + "Yes," she replied; "but it meant more than it said. It meant, when it was + given, that whoever had this house could want nothing else. They must have + been easily satisfied in those days, I should think. But don't loiter, + boy." + </p> + <p> + Though she called me "boy" so often, and with a carelessness that was far + from complimentary, she was of about my own age. She seemed much older + than I, of course, being a girl, and beautiful and self-possessed; and she + was as scornful of me as if she had been one-and-twenty, and a queen. + </p> + <p> + We went into the house by a side door, the great front entrance had two + chains across it outside,—and the first thing I noticed was, that + the passages were all dark, and that she had left a candle burning there. + She took it up, and we went through more passages and up a staircase, and + still it was all dark, and only the candle lighted us. + </p> + <p> + At last we came to the door of a room, and she said, "Go in." + </p> + <p> + I answered, more in shyness than politeness, "After you, miss." + </p> + <p> + To this she returned: "Don't be ridiculous, boy; I am not going in." And + scornfully walked away, and—what was worse—took the candle + with her. + </p> + <p> + This was very uncomfortable, and I was half afraid. However, the only + thing to be done being to knock at the door, I knocked, and was told from + within to enter. I entered, therefore, and found myself in a pretty large + room, well lighted with wax candles. No glimpse of daylight was to be seen + in it. It was a dressing-room, as I supposed from the furniture, though + much of it was of forms and uses then quite unknown to me. But prominent + in it was a draped table with a gilded looking-glass, and that I made out + at first sight to be a fine lady's dressing-table. + </p> + <p> + Whether I should have made out this object so soon if there had been no + fine lady sitting at it, I cannot say. In an arm-chair, with an elbow + resting on the table and her head leaning on that hand, sat the strangest + lady I have ever seen, or shall ever see. + </p> + <p> + She was dressed in rich materials,—satins, and lace, and silks,—all + of white. Her shoes were white. And she had a long white veil dependent + from her hair, and she had bridal flowers in her hair, but her hair was + white. Some bright jewels sparkled on her neck and on her hands, and some + other jewels lay sparkling on the table. Dresses, less splendid than the + dress she wore, and half-packed trunks, were scattered about. She had not + quite finished dressing, for she had but one shoe on,—the other was + on the table near her hand,—her veil was but half arranged, her + watch and chain were not put on, and some lace for her bosom lay with + those trinkets, and with her handkerchief, and gloves, and some flowers, + and a Prayer-Book all confusedly heaped about the looking-glass. + </p> + <p> + It was not in the first few moments that I saw all these things, though I + saw more of them in the first moments than might be supposed. But I saw + that everything within my view which ought to be white, had been white + long ago, and had lost its lustre and was faded and yellow. I saw that the + bride within the bridal dress had withered like the dress, and like the + flowers, and had no brightness left but the brightness of her sunken eyes. + I saw that the dress had been put upon the rounded figure of a young + woman, and that the figure upon which it now hung loose had shrunk to skin + and bone. Once, I had been taken to see some ghastly waxwork at the Fair, + representing I know not what impossible personage lying in state. Once, I + had been taken to one of our old marsh churches to see a skeleton in the + ashes of a rich dress that had been dug out of a vault under the church + pavement. Now, waxwork and skeleton seemed to have dark eyes that moved + and looked at me. I should have cried out, if I could. + </p> + <p> + "Who is it?" said the lady at the table. + </p> + <p> + "Pip, ma'am." + </p> + <p> + "Pip?" + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Pumblechook's boy, ma'am. Come—to play." + </p> + <p> + "Come nearer; let me look at you. Come close." + </p> + <p> + It was when I stood before her, avoiding her eyes, that I took note of the + surrounding objects in detail, and saw that her watch had stopped at + twenty minutes to nine, and that a clock in the room had stopped at twenty + minutes to nine. + </p> + <p> + "Look at me," said Miss Havisham. "You are not afraid of a woman who has + never seen the sun since you were born?" + </p> + <p> + I regret to state that I was not afraid of telling the enormous lie + comprehended in the answer "No." + </p> + <p> + "Do you know what I touch here?" she said, laying her hands, one upon the + other, on her left side. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, ma'am." (It made me think of the young man.) + </p> + <p> + "What do I touch?" + </p> + <p> + "Your heart." + </p> + <p> + "Broken!" + </p> + <p> + She uttered the word with an eager look, and with strong emphasis, and + with a weird smile that had a kind of boast in it. Afterwards she kept her + hands there for a little while, and slowly took them away as if they were + heavy. + </p> + <p> + "I am tired," said Miss Havisham. "I want diversion, and I have done with + men and women. Play." + </p> + <p> + I think it will be conceded by my most disputatious reader, that she could + hardly have directed an unfortunate boy to do anything in the wide world + more difficult to be done under the circumstances. + </p> + <p> + "I sometimes have sick fancies," she went on, "and I have a sick fancy + that I want to see some play. There, there!" with an impatient movement of + the fingers of her right hand; "play, play, play!" + </p> + <p> + For a moment, with the fear of my sister's working me before my eyes, I + had a desperate idea of starting round the room in the assumed character + of Mr. Pumblechook's chaise-cart. But I felt myself so unequal to the + performance that I gave it up, and stood looking at Miss Havisham in what + I suppose she took for a dogged manner, inasmuch as she said, when we had + taken a good look at each other,— + </p> + <p> + "Are you sullen and obstinate?" + </p> + <p> + "No, ma'am, I am very sorry for you, and very sorry I can't play just now. + If you complain of me I shall get into trouble with my sister, so I would + do it if I could; but it's so new here, and so strange, and so fine,—and + melancholy—." I stopped, fearing I might say too much, or had + already said it, and we took another look at each other. + </p> + <p> + Before she spoke again, she turned her eyes from me, and looked at the + dress she wore, and at the dressing-table, and finally at herself in the + looking-glass. + </p> + <p> + "So new to him," she muttered, "so old to me; so strange to him, so + familiar to me; so melancholy to both of us! Call Estella." + </p> + <p> + As she was still looking at the reflection of herself, I thought she was + still talking to herself, and kept quiet. + </p> + <p> + "Call Estella," she repeated, flashing a look at me. "You can do that. + Call Estella. At the door." + </p> + <p> + To stand in the dark in a mysterious passage of an unknown house, bawling + Estella to a scornful young lady neither visible nor responsive, and + feeling it a dreadful liberty so to roar out her name, was almost as bad + as playing to order. But she answered at last, and her light came along + the dark passage like a star. + </p> + <p> + Miss Havisham beckoned her to come close, and took up a jewel from the + table, and tried its effect upon her fair young bosom and against her + pretty brown hair. "Your own, one day, my dear, and you will use it well. + Let me see you play cards with this boy." + </p> + <p> + "With this boy? Why, he is a common laboring boy!" + </p> + <p> + I thought I overheard Miss Havisham answer,—only it seemed so + unlikely,—"Well? You can break his heart." + </p> + <p> + "What do you play, boy?" asked Estella of myself, with the greatest + disdain. + </p> + <p> + "Nothing but beggar my neighbor, miss." + </p> + <p> + "Beggar him," said Miss Havisham to Estella. So we sat down to cards. + </p> + <p> + It was then I began to understand that everything in the room had stopped, + like the watch and the clock, a long time ago. I noticed that Miss + Havisham put down the jewel exactly on the spot from which she had taken + it up. As Estella dealt the cards, I glanced at the dressing-table again, + and saw that the shoe upon it, once white, now yellow, had never been + worn. I glanced down at the foot from which the shoe was absent, and saw + that the silk stocking on it, once white, now yellow, had been trodden + ragged. Without this arrest of everything, this standing still of all the + pale decayed objects, not even the withered bridal dress on the collapsed + form could have looked so like grave-clothes, or the long veil so like a + shroud. + </p> + <p> + So she sat, corpse-like, as we played at cards; the frillings and + trimmings on her bridal dress, looking like earthy paper. I knew nothing + then of the discoveries that are occasionally made of bodies buried in + ancient times, which fall to powder in the moment of being distinctly + seen; but, I have often thought since, that she must have looked as if the + admission of the natural light of day would have struck her to dust. + </p> + <p> + "He calls the knaves Jacks, this boy!" said Estella with disdain, before + our first game was out. "And what coarse hands he has! And what thick + boots!" + </p> + <p> + I had never thought of being ashamed of my hands before; but I began to + consider them a very indifferent pair. Her contempt for me was so strong, + that it became infectious, and I caught it. + </p> + <p> + She won the game, and I dealt. I misdealt, as was only natural, when I + knew she was lying in wait for me to do wrong; and she denounced me for a + stupid, clumsy laboring-boy. + </p> + <p> + "You say nothing of her," remarked Miss Havisham to me, as she looked on. + "She says many hard things of you, but you say nothing of her. What do you + think of her?" + </p> + <p> + "I don't like to say," I stammered. + </p> + <p> + "Tell me in my ear," said Miss Havisham, bending down. + </p> + <p> + "I think she is very proud," I replied, in a whisper. + </p> + <p> + "Anything else?" + </p> + <p> + "I think she is very pretty." + </p> + <p> + "Anything else?" + </p> + <p> + "I think she is very insulting." (She was looking at me then with a look + of supreme aversion.) + </p> + <p> + "Anything else?" + </p> + <p> + "I think I should like to go home." + </p> + <p> + "And never see her again, though she is so pretty?" + </p> + <p> + "I am not sure that I shouldn't like to see her again, but I should like + to go home now." + </p> + <p> + "You shall go soon," said Miss Havisham, aloud. "Play the game out." + </p> + <p> + Saving for the one weird smile at first, I should have felt almost sure + that Miss Havisham's face could not smile. It had dropped into a watchful + and brooding expression,—most likely when all the things about her + had become transfixed,—and it looked as if nothing could ever lift + it up again. Her chest had dropped, so that she stooped; and her voice had + dropped, so that she spoke low, and with a dead lull upon her; altogether, + she had the appearance of having dropped body and soul, within and + without, under the weight of a crushing blow. + </p> + <p> + I played the game to an end with Estella, and she beggared me. She threw + the cards down on the table when she had won them all, as if she despised + them for having been won of me. + </p> + <p> + "When shall I have you here again?" said Miss Havisham. "Let me think." + </p> + <p> + I was beginning to remind her that to-day was Wednesday, when she checked + me with her former impatient movement of the fingers of her right hand. + </p> + <p> + "There, there! I know nothing of days of the week; I know nothing of weeks + of the year. Come again after six days. You hear?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, ma'am." + </p> + <p> + "Estella, take him down. Let him have something to eat, and let him roam + and look about him while he eats. Go, Pip." + </p> + <p> + I followed the candle down, as I had followed the candle up, and she stood + it in the place where we had found it. Until she opened the side entrance, + I had fancied, without thinking about it, that it must necessarily be + night-time. The rush of the daylight quite confounded me, and made me feel + as if I had been in the candlelight of the strange room many hours. + </p> + <p> + "You are to wait here, you boy," said Estella; and disappeared and closed + the door. + </p> + <p> + I took the opportunity of being alone in the courtyard to look at my + coarse hands and my common boots. My opinion of those accessories was not + favorable. They had never troubled me before, but they troubled me now, as + vulgar appendages. I determined to ask Joe why he had ever taught me to + call those picture-cards Jacks, which ought to be called knaves. I wished + Joe had been rather more genteelly brought up, and then I should have been + so too. + </p> + <p> + She came back, with some bread and meat and a little mug of beer. She put + the mug down on the stones of the yard, and gave me the bread and meat + without looking at me, as insolently as if I were a dog in disgrace. I was + so humiliated, hurt, spurned, offended, angry, sorry,—I cannot hit + upon the right name for the smart—God knows what its name was,—that + tears started to my eyes. The moment they sprang there, the girl looked at + me with a quick delight in having been the cause of them. This gave me + power to keep them back and to look at her: so, she gave a contemptuous + toss—but with a sense, I thought, of having made too sure that I was + so wounded—and left me. + </p> + <p> + But when she was gone, I looked about me for a place to hide my face in, + and got behind one of the gates in the brewery-lane, and leaned my sleeve + against the wall there, and leaned my forehead on it and cried. As I + cried, I kicked the wall, and took a hard twist at my hair; so bitter were + my feelings, and so sharp was the smart without a name, that needed + counteraction. + </p> + <p> + My sister's bringing up had made me sensitive. In the little world in + which children have their existence whosoever brings them up, there is + nothing so finely perceived and so finely felt as injustice. It may be + only small injustice that the child can be exposed to; but the child is + small, and its world is small, and its rocking-horse stands as many hands + high, according to scale, as a big-boned Irish hunter. Within myself, I + had sustained, from my babyhood, a perpetual conflict with injustice. I + had known, from the time when I could speak, that my sister, in her + capricious and violent coercion, was unjust to me. I had cherished a + profound conviction that her bringing me up by hand gave her no right to + bring me up by jerks. Through all my punishments, disgraces, fasts, and + vigils, and other penitential performances, I had nursed this assurance; + and to my communing so much with it, in a solitary and unprotected way, I + in great part refer the fact that I was morally timid and very sensitive. + </p> + <p> + I got rid of my injured feelings for the time by kicking them into the + brewery wall, and twisting them out of my hair, and then I smoothed my + face with my sleeve, and came from behind the gate. The bread and meat + were acceptable, and the beer was warming and tingling, and I was soon in + spirits to look about me. + </p> + <p> + To be sure, it was a deserted place, down to the pigeon-house in the + brewery-yard, which had been blown crooked on its pole by some high wind, + and would have made the pigeons think themselves at sea, if there had been + any pigeons there to be rocked by it. But there were no pigeons in the + dove-cot, no horses in the stable, no pigs in the sty, no malt in the + storehouse, no smells of grains and beer in the copper or the vat. All the + uses and scents of the brewery might have evaporated with its last reek of + smoke. In a by-yard, there was a wilderness of empty casks, which had a + certain sour remembrance of better days lingering about them; but it was + too sour to be accepted as a sample of the beer that was gone,—and + in this respect I remember those recluses as being like most others. + </p> + <p> + Behind the furthest end of the brewery, was a rank garden with an old + wall; not so high but that I could struggle up and hold on long enough to + look over it, and see that the rank garden was the garden of the house, + and that it was overgrown with tangled weeds, but that there was a track + upon the green and yellow paths, as if some one sometimes walked there, + and that Estella was walking away from me even then. But she seemed to be + everywhere. For when I yielded to the temptation presented by the casks, + and began to walk on them, I saw <i>her</i> walking on them at the end of the + yard of casks. She had her back towards me, and held her pretty brown hair + spread out in her two hands, and never looked round, and passed out of my + view directly. So, in the brewery itself,—by which I mean the large + paved lofty place in which they used to make the beer, and where the + brewing utensils still were. When I first went into it, and, rather + oppressed by its gloom, stood near the door looking about me, I saw her + pass among the extinguished fires, and ascend some light iron stairs, and + go out by a gallery high overhead, as if she were going out into the sky. + </p> + <p> + It was in this place, and at this moment, that a strange thing happened to + my fancy. I thought it a strange thing then, and I thought it a stranger + thing long afterwards. I turned my eyes—a little dimmed by looking + up at the frosty light—towards a great wooden beam in a low nook of + the building near me on my right hand, and I saw a figure hanging there by + the neck. A figure all in yellow white, with but one shoe to the feet; and + it hung so, that I could see that the faded trimmings of the dress were + like earthy paper, and that the face was Miss Havisham's, with a movement + going over the whole countenance as if she were trying to call to me. In + the terror of seeing the figure, and in the terror of being certain that + it had not been there a moment before, I at first ran from it, and then + ran towards it. And my terror was greatest of all when I found no figure + there. + </p> + <p> + Nothing less than the frosty light of the cheerful sky, the sight of + people passing beyond the bars of the court-yard gate, and the reviving + influence of the rest of the bread and meat and beer, would have brought + me round. Even with those aids, I might not have come to myself as soon as + I did, but that I saw Estella approaching with the keys, to let me out. + She would have some fair reason for looking down upon me, I thought, if + she saw me frightened; and she would have no fair reason. + </p> + <p> + She gave me a triumphant glance in passing me, as if she rejoiced that my + hands were so coarse and my boots were so thick, and she opened the gate, + and stood holding it. I was passing out without looking at her, when she + touched me with a taunting hand. + </p> + <p> + "Why don't you cry?" + </p> + <p> + "Because I don't want to." + </p> + <p> + "You do," said she. "You have been crying till you are half blind, and you + are near crying again now." + </p> + <p> + She laughed contemptuously, pushed me out, and locked the gate upon me. I + went straight to Mr. Pumblechook's, and was immensely relieved to find him + not at home. So, leaving word with the shopman on what day I was wanted at + Miss Havisham's again, I set off on the four-mile walk to our forge; + pondering, as I went along, on all I had seen, and deeply revolving that I + was a common laboring-boy; that my hands were coarse; that my boots were + thick; that I had fallen into a despicable habit of calling knaves Jacks; + that I was much more ignorant than I had considered myself last night, and + generally that I was in a low-lived bad way. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0009" id="link2HCH0009"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter IX + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">W</span>hen I reached home, my sister was very curious to know all about Miss + Havisham's, and asked a number of questions. And I soon found myself + getting heavily bumped from behind in the nape of the neck and the small + of the back, and having my face ignominiously shoved against the kitchen + wall, because I did not answer those questions at sufficient length. + </p> + <p> + If a dread of not being understood be hidden in the breasts of other young + people to anything like the extent to which it used to be hidden in mine,—which + I consider probable, as I have no particular reason to suspect myself of + having been a monstrosity,—it is the key to many reservations. I + felt convinced that if I described Miss Havisham's as my eyes had seen it, + I should not be understood. Not only that, but I felt convinced that Miss + Havisham too would not be understood; and although she was perfectly + incomprehensible to me, I entertained an impression that there would be + something coarse and treacherous in my dragging her as she really was (to + say nothing of Miss Estella) before the contemplation of Mrs. Joe. + Consequently, I said as little as I could, and had my face shoved against + the kitchen wall. + </p> + <p> + The worst of it was that that bullying old Pumblechook, preyed upon by a + devouring curiosity to be informed of all I had seen and heard, came + gaping over in his chaise-cart at tea-time, to have the details divulged + to him. And the mere sight of the torment, with his fishy eyes and mouth + open, his sandy hair inquisitively on end, and his waistcoat heaving with + windy arithmetic, made me vicious in my reticence. + </p> + <p> + "Well, boy," Uncle Pumblechook began, as soon as he was seated in the + chair of honor by the fire. "How did you get on up town?" + </p> + <p> + I answered, "Pretty well, sir," and my sister shook her fist at me. + </p> + <p> + "Pretty well?" Mr. Pumblechook repeated. "Pretty well is no answer. Tell + us what you mean by pretty well, boy?" + </p> + <p> + Whitewash on the forehead hardens the brain into a state of obstinacy + perhaps. Anyhow, with whitewash from the wall on my forehead, my obstinacy + was adamantine. I reflected for some time, and then answered as if I had + discovered a new idea, "I mean pretty well." + </p> + <p> + My sister with an exclamation of impatience was going to fly at me,—I + had no shadow of defence, for Joe was busy in the forge,—when Mr. + Pumblechook interposed with "No! Don't lose your temper. Leave this lad to + me, ma'am; leave this lad to me." Mr. Pumblechook then turned me towards + him, as if he were going to cut my hair, and said,— + </p> + <p> + "First (to get our thoughts in order): Forty-three pence?" + </p> + <p> + I calculated the consequences of replying "Four Hundred Pound," and + finding them against me, went as near the answer as I could—which + was somewhere about eightpence off. Mr. Pumblechook then put me through my + pence-table from "twelve pence make one shilling," up to "forty pence make + three and fourpence," and then triumphantly demanded, as if he had done + for me, "<i>Now!</i> How much is forty-three pence?" To which I replied, after a + long interval of reflection, "I don't know." And I was so aggravated that + I almost doubt if I did know. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Pumblechook worked his head like a screw to screw it out of me, and + said, "Is forty-three pence seven and sixpence three fardens, for + instance?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes!" said I. And although my sister instantly boxed my ears, it was + highly gratifying to me to see that the answer spoilt his joke, and + brought him to a dead stop. + </p> + <p> + "Boy! What like is Miss Havisham?" Mr. Pumblechook began again when he had + recovered; folding his arms tight on his chest and applying the screw. + </p> + <p> + "Very tall and dark," I told him. + </p> + <p> + "Is she, uncle?" asked my sister. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Pumblechook winked assent; from which I at once inferred that he had + never seen Miss Havisham, for she was nothing of the kind. + </p> + <p> + "Good!" said Mr. Pumblechook conceitedly. ("This is the way to have him! + We are beginning to hold our own, I think, Mum?") + </p> + <p> + "I am sure, uncle," returned Mrs. Joe, "I wish you had him always; you + know so well how to deal with him." + </p> + <p> + "Now, boy! What was she a doing of, when you went in today?" asked Mr. + Pumblechook. + </p> + <p> + "She was sitting," I answered, "in a black velvet coach." + </p> + <p> + Mr. Pumblechook and Mrs. Joe stared at one another—as they well + might—and both repeated, "In a black velvet coach?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes," said I. "And Miss Estella—that's her niece, I think—handed + her in cake and wine at the coach-window, on a gold plate. And we all had + cake and wine on gold plates. And I got up behind the coach to eat mine, + because she told me to." + </p> + <p> + "Was anybody else there?" asked Mr. Pumblechook. + </p> + <p> + "Four dogs," said I. + </p> + <p> + "Large or small?" + </p> + <p> + "Immense," said I. "And they fought for veal-cutlets out of a silver + basket." + </p> + <p> + Mr. Pumblechook and Mrs. Joe stared at one another again, in utter + amazement. I was perfectly frantic,—a reckless witness under the + torture,—and would have told them anything. + </p> + <p> + "Where <i>was</i> this coach, in the name of gracious?" asked my sister. + </p> + <p> + "In Miss Havisham's room." They stared again. "But there weren't any + horses to it." I added this saving clause, in the moment of rejecting four + richly caparisoned coursers which I had had wild thoughts of harnessing. + </p> + <p> + "Can this be possible, uncle?" asked Mrs. Joe. "What can the boy mean?" + </p> + <p> + "I'll tell you, Mum," said Mr. Pumblechook. "My opinion is, it's a + sedan-chair. She's flighty, you know,—very flighty,—quite + flighty enough to pass her days in a sedan-chair." + </p> + <p> + "Did you ever see her in it, uncle?" asked Mrs. Joe. + </p> + <p> + "How could I," he returned, forced to the admission, "when I never see her + in my life? Never clapped eyes upon her!" + </p> + <p> + "Goodness, uncle! And yet you have spoken to her?" + </p> + <p> + "Why, don't you know," said Mr. Pumblechook, testily, "that when I have + been there, I have been took up to the outside of her door, and the door + has stood ajar, and she has spoke to me that way. Don't say you don't know + <i>that</i>, Mum. Howsever, the boy went there to play. What did you play at, + boy?" + </p> + <p> + "We played with flags," I said. (I beg to observe that I think of myself + with amazement, when I recall the lies I told on this occasion.) + </p> + <p> + "Flags!" echoed my sister. + </p> + <p> + "Yes," said I. "Estella waved a blue flag, and I waved a red one, and Miss + Havisham waved one sprinkled all over with little gold stars, out at the + coach-window. And then we all waved our swords and hurrahed." + </p> + <p> + "Swords!" repeated my sister. "Where did you get swords from?" + </p> + <p> + "Out of a cupboard," said I. "And I saw pistols in it,—and jam,—and + pills. And there was no daylight in the room, but it was all lighted up + with candles." + </p> + <p> + "That's true, Mum," said Mr. Pumblechook, with a grave nod. "That's the + state of the case, for that much I've seen myself." And then they both + stared at me, and I, with an obtrusive show of artlessness on my + countenance, stared at them, and plaited the right leg of my trousers with + my right hand. + </p> + <p> + If they had asked me any more questions, I should undoubtedly have + betrayed myself, for I was even then on the point of mentioning that there + was a balloon in the yard, and should have hazarded the statement but for + my invention being divided between that phenomenon and a bear in the + brewery. They were so much occupied, however, in discussing the marvels I + had already presented for their consideration, that I escaped. The subject + still held them when Joe came in from his work to have a cup of tea. To + whom my sister, more for the relief of her own mind than for the + gratification of his, related my pretended experiences. + </p> + <p> + Now, when I saw Joe open his blue eyes and roll them all round the kitchen + in helpless amazement, I was overtaken by penitence; but only as regarded + him,—not in the least as regarded the other two. Towards Joe, and + Joe only, I considered myself a young monster, while they sat debating + what results would come to me from Miss Havisham's acquaintance and favor. + They had no doubt that Miss Havisham would "do something" for me; their + doubts related to the form that something would take. My sister stood out + for "property." Mr. Pumblechook was in favor of a handsome premium for + binding me apprentice to some genteel trade,—say, the corn and seed + trade, for instance. Joe fell into the deepest disgrace with both, for + offering the bright suggestion that I might only be presented with one of + the dogs who had fought for the veal-cutlets. "If a fool's head can't + express better opinions than that," said my sister, "and you have got any + work to do, you had better go and do it." So he went. + </p> + <p> + After Mr. Pumblechook had driven off, and when my sister was washing up, I + stole into the forge to Joe, and remained by him until he had done for the + night. Then I said, "Before the fire goes out, Joe, I should like to tell + you something." + </p> + <p> + "Should you, Pip?" said Joe, drawing his shoeing-stool near the forge. + "Then tell us. What is it, Pip?" + </p> + <p> + "Joe," said I, taking hold of his rolled-up shirt sleeve, and twisting it + between my finger and thumb, "you remember all that about Miss + Havisham's?" + </p> + <p> + "Remember?" said Joe. "I believe you! Wonderful!" + </p> + <p> + "It's a terrible thing, Joe; it ain't true." + </p> + <p> + "What are you telling of, Pip?" cried Joe, falling back in the greatest + amazement. "You don't mean to say it's—" + </p> + <p> + "Yes I do; it's lies, Joe." + </p> + <p> + "But not all of it? Why sure you don't mean to say, Pip, that there was no + black welwet co—ch?" For, I stood shaking my head. "But at least + there was dogs, Pip? Come, Pip," said Joe, persuasively, "if there warn't + no weal-cutlets, at least there was dogs?" + </p> + <p> + "No, Joe." + </p> + <p> + "A dog?" said Joe. "A puppy? Come?" + </p> + <p> + "No, Joe, there was nothing at all of the kind." + </p> + <p> + As I fixed my eyes hopelessly on Joe, Joe contemplated me in dismay. "Pip, + old chap! This won't do, old fellow! I say! Where do you expect to go to?" + </p> + <p> + "It's terrible, Joe; ain't it?" + </p> + <p> + "Terrible?" cried Joe. "Awful! What possessed you?" + </p> + <p> + "I don't know what possessed me, Joe," I replied, letting his shirt sleeve + go, and sitting down in the ashes at his feet, hanging my head; "but I + wish you hadn't taught me to call Knaves at cards Jacks; and I wish my + boots weren't so thick nor my hands so coarse." + </p> + <p> + And then I told Joe that I felt very miserable, and that I hadn't been + able to explain myself to Mrs. Joe and Pumblechook, who were so rude to + me, and that there had been a beautiful young lady at Miss Havisham's who + was dreadfully proud, and that she had said I was common, and that I knew + I was common, and that I wished I was not common, and that the lies had + come of it somehow, though I didn't know how. + </p> + <p> + This was a case of metaphysics, at least as difficult for Joe to deal with + as for me. But Joe took the case altogether out of the region of + metaphysics, and by that means vanquished it. + </p> + <p> + "There's one thing you may be sure of, Pip," said Joe, after some + rumination, "namely, that lies is lies. Howsever they come, they didn't + ought to come, and they come from the father of lies, and work round to + the same. Don't you tell no more of 'em, Pip. <i>That</i> ain't the way to get + out of being common, old chap. And as to being common, I don't make it out + at all clear. You are oncommon in some things. You're oncommon small. + Likewise you're a oncommon scholar." + </p> + <p> + "No, I am ignorant and backward, Joe." + </p> + <p> + "Why, see what a letter you wrote last night! Wrote in print even! I've + seen letters—Ah! and from gentlefolks!—that I'll swear weren't + wrote in print," said Joe. + </p> + <p> + "I have learnt next to nothing, Joe. You think much of me. It's only + that." + </p> + <p> + "Well, Pip," said Joe, "be it so or be it son't, you must be a common + scholar afore you can be a oncommon one, I should hope! The king upon his + throne, with his crown upon his ed, can't sit and write his acts of + Parliament in print, without having begun, when he were a unpromoted + Prince, with the alphabet.—Ah!" added Joe, with a shake of the head + that was full of meaning, "and begun at A. too, and worked his way to Z. + And <i>I</i> know what that is to do, though I can't say I've exactly done it." + </p> + <p> + There was some hope in this piece of wisdom, and it rather encouraged me. + </p> + <p> + "Whether common ones as to callings and earnings," pursued Joe, + reflectively, "mightn't be the better of continuing for to keep company + with common ones, instead of going out to play with oncommon ones,—which + reminds me to hope that there were a flag, perhaps?" + </p> + <p> + "No, Joe." + </p> + <p> + "(I'm sorry there weren't a flag, Pip). Whether that might be or mightn't + be, is a thing as can't be looked into now, without putting your sister on + the Rampage; and that's a thing not to be thought of as being done + intentional. Lookee here, Pip, at what is said to you by a true friend. + Which this to you the true friend say. If you can't get to be oncommon + through going straight, you'll never get to do it through going crooked. + So don't tell no more on 'em, Pip, and live well and die happy." + </p> + <p> + "You are not angry with me, Joe?" + </p> + <p> + "No, old chap. But bearing in mind that them were which I meantersay of a + stunning and outdacious sort,—alluding to them which bordered on + weal-cutlets and dog-fighting,—a sincere well-wisher would adwise, + Pip, their being dropped into your meditations, when you go up stairs to + bed. That's all, old chap, and don't never do it no more." + </p> + <p> + When I got up to my little room and said my prayers, I did not forget + Joe's recommendation, and yet my young mind was in that disturbed and + unthankful state, that I thought long after I laid me down, how common + Estella would consider Joe, a mere blacksmith; how thick his boots, and + how coarse his hands. I thought how Joe and my sister were then sitting in + the kitchen, and how I had come up to bed from the kitchen, and how Miss + Havisham and Estella never sat in a kitchen, but were far above the level + of such common doings. I fell asleep recalling what I "used to do" when I + was at Miss Havisham's; as though I had been there weeks or months, + instead of hours; and as though it were quite an old subject of + remembrance, instead of one that had arisen only that day. + </p> + <p> + That was a memorable day to me, for it made great changes in me. But it is + the same with any life. Imagine one selected day struck out of it, and + think how different its course would have been. Pause you who read this, + and think for a moment of the long chain of iron or gold, of thorns or + flowers, that would never have bound you, but for the formation of the + first link on one memorable day. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0010" id="link2HCH0010"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter X + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">T</span>he felicitous idea occurred to me a morning or two later when I woke, + that the best step I could take towards making myself uncommon was to get + out of Biddy everything she knew. In pursuance of this luminous conception + I mentioned to Biddy when I went to Mr. Wopsle's great-aunt's at night, + that I had a particular reason for wishing to get on in life, and that I + should feel very much obliged to her if she would impart all her learning + to me. Biddy, who was the most obliging of girls, immediately said she + would, and indeed began to carry out her promise within five minutes. + </p> + <p> + The Educational scheme or Course established by Mr. Wopsle's great-aunt + may be resolved into the following synopsis. The pupils ate apples and put + straws down one another's backs, until Mr. Wopsle's great-aunt collected + her energies, and made an indiscriminate totter at them with a birch-rod. + After receiving the charge with every mark of derision, the pupils formed + in line and buzzingly passed a ragged book from hand to hand. The book had + an alphabet in it, some figures and tables, and a little spelling,—that + is to say, it had had once. As soon as this volume began to circulate, Mr. + Wopsle's great-aunt fell into a state of coma, arising either from sleep + or a rheumatic paroxysm. The pupils then entered among themselves upon a + competitive examination on the subject of Boots, with the view of + ascertaining who could tread the hardest upon whose toes. This mental + exercise lasted until Biddy made a rush at them and distributed three + defaced Bibles (shaped as if they had been unskilfully cut off the chump + end of something), more illegibly printed at the best than any curiosities + of literature I have since met with, speckled all over with ironmould, and + having various specimens of the insect world smashed between their leaves. + This part of the Course was usually lightened by several single combats + between Biddy and refractory students. When the fights were over, Biddy + gave out the number of a page, and then we all read aloud what we could,—or + what we couldn't—in a frightful chorus; Biddy leading with a high, + shrill, monotonous voice, and none of us having the least notion of, or + reverence for, what we were reading about. When this horrible din had + lasted a certain time, it mechanically awoke Mr. Wopsle's great-aunt, who + staggered at a boy fortuitously, and pulled his ears. This was understood + to terminate the Course for the evening, and we emerged into the air with + shrieks of intellectual victory. It is fair to remark that there was no + prohibition against any pupil's entertaining himself with a slate or even + with the ink (when there was any), but that it was not easy to pursue that + branch of study in the winter season, on account of the little general + shop in which the classes were holden—and which was also Mr. + Wopsle's great-aunt's sitting-room and bedchamber—being but faintly + illuminated through the agency of one low-spirited dip-candle and no + snuffers. + </p> + <p> + It appeared to me that it would take time to become uncommon, under these + circumstances: nevertheless, I resolved to try it, and that very evening + Biddy entered on our special agreement, by imparting some information from + her little catalogue of Prices, under the head of moist sugar, and lending + me, to copy at home, a large old English D which she had imitated from the + heading of some newspaper, and which I supposed, until she told me what it + was, to be a design for a buckle. + </p> + <p> + Of course there was a public-house in the village, and of course Joe liked + sometimes to smoke his pipe there. I had received strict orders from my + sister to call for him at the Three Jolly Bargemen, that evening, on my + way from school, and bring him home at my peril. To the Three Jolly + Bargemen, therefore, I directed my steps. + </p> + <p> + There was a bar at the Jolly Bargemen, with some alarmingly long chalk + scores in it on the wall at the side of the door, which seemed to me to be + never paid off. They had been there ever since I could remember, and had + grown more than I had. But there was a quantity of chalk about our + country, and perhaps the people neglected no opportunity of turning it to + account. + </p> + <p> + It being Saturday night, I found the landlord looking rather grimly at + these records; but as my business was with Joe and not with him, I merely + wished him good evening, and passed into the common room at the end of the + passage, where there was a bright large kitchen fire, and where Joe was + smoking his pipe in company with Mr. Wopsle and a stranger. Joe greeted me + as usual with "Halloa, Pip, old chap!" and the moment he said that, the + stranger turned his head and looked at me. + </p> + <p> + He was a secret-looking man whom I had never seen before. His head was all + on one side, and one of his eyes was half shut up, as if he were taking + aim at something with an invisible gun. He had a pipe in his mouth, and he + took it out, and, after slowly blowing all his smoke away and looking hard + at me all the time, nodded. So, I nodded, and then he nodded again, and + made room on the settle beside him that I might sit down there. + </p> + <p> + But as I was used to sit beside Joe whenever I entered that place of + resort, I said "No, thank you, sir," and fell into the space Joe made for + me on the opposite settle. The strange man, after glancing at Joe, and + seeing that his attention was otherwise engaged, nodded to me again when I + had taken my seat, and then rubbed his leg—in a very odd way, as it + struck me. + </p> + <p> + "You was saying," said the strange man, turning to Joe, "that you was a + blacksmith." + </p> + <p> + "Yes. I said it, you know," said Joe. + </p> + <p> + "What'll you drink, Mr.—? You didn't mention your name, by the bye." + </p> + <p> + Joe mentioned it now, and the strange man called him by it. "What'll you + drink, Mr. Gargery? At my expense? To top up with?" + </p> + <p> + "Well," said Joe, "to tell you the truth, I ain't much in the habit of + drinking at anybody's expense but my own." + </p> + <p> + "Habit? No," returned the stranger, "but once and away, and on a Saturday + night too. Come! Put a name to it, Mr. Gargery." + </p> + <p> + "I wouldn't wish to be stiff company," said Joe. "Rum." + </p> + <p> + "Rum," repeated the stranger. "And will the other gentleman originate a + sentiment." + </p> + <p> + "Rum," said Mr. Wopsle. + </p> + <p> + "Three Rums!" cried the stranger, calling to the landlord. "Glasses + round!" + </p> + <p> + "This other gentleman," observed Joe, by way of introducing Mr. Wopsle, + "is a gentleman that you would like to hear give it out. Our clerk at + church." + </p> + <p> + "Aha!" said the stranger, quickly, and cocking his eye at me. "The lonely + church, right out on the marshes, with graves round it!" + </p> + <p> + "That's it," said Joe. + </p> + <p> + The stranger, with a comfortable kind of grunt over his pipe, put his legs + up on the settle that he had to himself. He wore a flapping broad-brimmed + traveller's hat, and under it a handkerchief tied over his head in the + manner of a cap: so that he showed no hair. As he looked at the fire, I + thought I saw a cunning expression, followed by a half-laugh, come into + his face. + </p> + <p> + "I am not acquainted with this country, gentlemen, but it seems a solitary + country towards the river." + </p> + <p> + "Most marshes is solitary," said Joe. + </p> + <p> + "No doubt, no doubt. Do you find any gypsies, now, or tramps, or vagrants + of any sort, out there?" + </p> + <p> + "No," said Joe; "none but a runaway convict now and then. And we don't + find <i>them</i>, easy. Eh, Mr. Wopsle?" + </p> + <p> + Mr. Wopsle, with a majestic remembrance of old discomfiture, assented; but + not warmly. + </p> + <p> + "Seems you have been out after such?" asked the stranger. + </p> + <p> + "Once," returned Joe. "Not that we wanted to take them, you understand; we + went out as lookers on; me, and Mr. Wopsle, and Pip. Didn't us, Pip?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, Joe." + </p> + <p> + The stranger looked at me again,—still cocking his eye, as if he + were expressly taking aim at me with his invisible gun,—and said, + "He's a likely young parcel of bones that. What is it you call him?" + </p> + <p> + "Pip," said Joe. + </p> + <p> + "Christened Pip?" + </p> + <p> + "No, not christened Pip." + </p> + <p> + "Surname Pip?" + </p> + <p> + "No," said Joe, "it's a kind of family name what he gave himself when a + infant, and is called by." + </p> + <p> + "Son of yours?" + </p> + <p> + "Well," said Joe, meditatively, not, of course, that it could be in + anywise necessary to consider about it, but because it was the way at the + Jolly Bargemen to seem to consider deeply about everything that was + discussed over pipes,—"well—no. No, he ain't." + </p> + <p> + "Nevvy?" said the strange man. + </p> + <p> + "Well," said Joe, with the same appearance of profound cogitation, "he is + not—no, not to deceive you, he is <i>not</i>—my nevvy." + </p> + <p> + "What the Blue Blazes is he?" asked the stranger. Which appeared to me to + be an inquiry of unnecessary strength. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Wopsle struck in upon that; as one who knew all about relationships, + having professional occasion to bear in mind what female relations a man + might not marry; and expounded the ties between me and Joe. Having his + hand in, Mr. Wopsle finished off with a most terrifically snarling passage + from Richard the Third, and seemed to think he had done quite enough to + account for it when he added, "—as the poet says." + </p> + <p> + And here I may remark that when Mr. Wopsle referred to me, he considered + it a necessary part of such reference to rumple my hair and poke it into + my eyes. I cannot conceive why everybody of his standing who visited at + our house should always have put me through the same inflammatory process + under similar circumstances. Yet I do not call to mind that I was ever in + my earlier youth the subject of remark in our social family circle, but + some large-handed person took some such ophthalmic steps to patronize me. + </p> + <p> + All this while, the strange man looked at nobody but me, and looked at me + as if he were determined to have a shot at me at last, and bring me down. + But he said nothing after offering his Blue Blazes observation, until the + glasses of rum and water were brought; and then he made his shot, and a + most extraordinary shot it was. + </p> + <p> + It was not a verbal remark, but a proceeding in dumb-show, and was + pointedly addressed to me. He stirred his rum and water pointedly at me, + and he tasted his rum and water pointedly at me. And he stirred it and he + tasted it; not with a spoon that was brought to him, but <i>with a file</i>. + </p> + <p> + He did this so that nobody but I saw the file; and when he had done it he + wiped the file and put it in a breast-pocket. I knew it to be Joe's file, + and I knew that he knew my convict, the moment I saw the instrument. I sat + gazing at him, spell-bound. But he now reclined on his settle, taking very + little notice of me, and talking principally about turnips. + </p> + <p> + There was a delicious sense of cleaning-up and making a quiet pause before + going on in life afresh, in our village on Saturday nights, which + stimulated Joe to dare to stay out half an hour longer on Saturdays than + at other times. The half-hour and the rum and water running out together, + Joe got up to go, and took me by the hand. + </p> + <p> + "Stop half a moment, Mr. Gargery," said the strange man. "I think I've got + a bright new shilling somewhere in my pocket, and if I have, the boy shall + have it." + </p> + <p> + He looked it out from a handful of small change, folded it in some + crumpled paper, and gave it to me. "Yours!" said he. "Mind! Your own." + </p> + <p> + I thanked him, staring at him far beyond the bounds of good manners, and + holding tight to Joe. He gave Joe good-night, and he gave Mr. Wopsle + good-night (who went out with us), and he gave me only a look with his + aiming eye,—no, not a look, for he shut it up, but wonders may be + done with an eye by hiding it. + </p> + <p> + On the way home, if I had been in a humor for talking, the talk must have + been all on my side, for Mr. Wopsle parted from us at the door of the + Jolly Bargemen, and Joe went all the way home with his mouth wide open, to + rinse the rum out with as much air as possible. But I was in a manner + stupefied by this turning up of my old misdeed and old acquaintance, and + could think of nothing else. + </p> + <p> + My sister was not in a very bad temper when we presented ourselves in the + kitchen, and Joe was encouraged by that unusual circumstance to tell her + about the bright shilling. "A bad un, I'll be bound," said Mrs. Joe + triumphantly, "or he wouldn't have given it to the boy! Let's look at it." + </p> + <p> + I took it out of the paper, and it proved to be a good one. "But what's + this?" said Mrs. Joe, throwing down the shilling and catching up the + paper. "Two One-Pound notes?" + </p> + <p> + Nothing less than two fat sweltering one-pound notes that seemed to have + been on terms of the warmest intimacy with all the cattle-markets in the + county. Joe caught up his hat again, and ran with them to the Jolly + Bargemen to restore them to their owner. While he was gone, I sat down on + my usual stool and looked vacantly at my sister, feeling pretty sure that + the man would not be there. + </p> + <p> + Presently, Joe came back, saying that the man was gone, but that he, Joe, + had left word at the Three Jolly Bargemen concerning the notes. Then my + sister sealed them up in a piece of paper, and put them under some dried + rose-leaves in an ornamental teapot on the top of a press in the state + parlor. There they remained, a nightmare to me, many and many a night and + day. + </p> + <p> + I had sadly broken sleep when I got to bed, through thinking of the + strange man taking aim at me with his invisible gun, and of the guiltily + coarse and common thing it was, to be on secret terms of conspiracy with + convicts,—a feature in my low career that I had previously + forgotten. I was haunted by the file too. A dread possessed me that when I + least expected it, the file would reappear. I coaxed myself to sleep by + thinking of Miss Havisham's, next Wednesday; and in my sleep I saw the + file coming at me out of a door, without seeing who held it, and I + screamed myself awake. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0011" id="link2HCH0011"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XI + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">A</span>t the appointed time I returned to Miss Havisham's, and my hesitating + ring at the gate brought out Estella. She locked it after admitting me, as + she had done before, and again preceded me into the dark passage where her + candle stood. She took no notice of me until she had the candle in her + hand, when she looked over her shoulder, superciliously saying, "You are + to come this way to-day," and took me to quite another part of the house. + </p> + <p> + The passage was a long one, and seemed to pervade the whole square + basement of the Manor House. We traversed but one side of the square, + however, and at the end of it she stopped, and put her candle down and + opened a door. Here, the daylight reappeared, and I found myself in a + small paved courtyard, the opposite side of which was formed by a detached + dwelling-house, that looked as if it had once belonged to the manager or + head clerk of the extinct brewery. There was a clock in the outer wall of + this house. Like the clock in Miss Havisham's room, and like Miss + Havisham's watch, it had stopped at twenty minutes to nine. + </p> + <p> + We went in at the door, which stood open, and into a gloomy room with a + low ceiling, on the ground-floor at the back. There was some company in + the room, and Estella said to me as she joined it, "You are to go and + stand there boy, till you are wanted." "There", being the window, I + crossed to it, and stood "there," in a very uncomfortable state of mind, + looking out. + </p> + <p> + It opened to the ground, and looked into a most miserable corner of the + neglected garden, upon a rank ruin of cabbage-stalks, and one box-tree + that had been clipped round long ago, like a pudding, and had a new growth + at the top of it, out of shape and of a different color, as if that part + of the pudding had stuck to the saucepan and got burnt. This was my homely + thought, as I contemplated the box-tree. There had been some light snow, + overnight, and it lay nowhere else to my knowledge; but, it had not quite + melted from the cold shadow of this bit of garden, and the wind caught it + up in little eddies and threw it at the window, as if it pelted me for + coming there. + </p> + <p> + I divined that my coming had stopped conversation in the room, and that + its other occupants were looking at me. I could see nothing of the room + except the shining of the fire in the window-glass, but I stiffened in all + my joints with the consciousness that I was under close inspection. + </p> + <p> + There were three ladies in the room and one gentleman. Before I had been + standing at the window five minutes, they somehow conveyed to me that they + were all toadies and humbugs, but that each of them pretended not to know + that the others were toadies and humbugs: because the admission that he or + she did know it, would have made him or her out to be a toady and humbug. + </p> + <p> + They all had a listless and dreary air of waiting somebody's pleasure, and + the most talkative of the ladies had to speak quite rigidly to repress a + yawn. This lady, whose name was Camilla, very much reminded me of my + sister, with the difference that she was older, and (as I found when I + caught sight of her) of a blunter cast of features. Indeed, when I knew + her better I began to think it was a Mercy she had any features at all, so + very blank and high was the dead wall of her face. + </p> + <p> + "Poor dear soul!" said this lady, with an abruptness of manner quite my + sister's. "Nobody's enemy but his own!" + </p> + <p> + "It would be much more commendable to be somebody else's enemy," said the + gentleman; "far more natural." + </p> + <p> + "Cousin Raymond," observed another lady, "we are to love our neighbor." + </p> + <p> + "Sarah Pocket," returned Cousin Raymond, "if a man is not his own + neighbor, who is?" + </p> + <p> + Miss Pocket laughed, and Camilla laughed and said (checking a yawn), "The + idea!" But I thought they seemed to think it rather a good idea too. The + other lady, who had not spoken yet, said gravely and emphatically, "<i>Very</i> + true!" + </p> + <p> + "Poor soul!" Camilla presently went on (I knew they had all been looking + at me in the mean time), "he is so very strange! Would anyone believe that + when Tom's wife died, he actually could not be induced to see the + importance of the children's having the deepest of trimmings to their + mourning? 'Good Lord!' says he, 'Camilla, what can it signify so long as + the poor bereaved little things are in black?' So like Matthew! The idea!" + </p> + <p> + "Good points in him, good points in him," said Cousin Raymond; "Heaven + forbid I should deny good points in him; but he never had, and he never + will have, any sense of the proprieties." + </p> + <p> + "You know I was obliged," said Camilla,—"I was obliged to be firm. I + said, 'It WILL NOT DO, for the credit of the family.' I told him that, + without deep trimmings, the family was disgraced. I cried about it from + breakfast till dinner. I injured my digestion. And at last he flung out in + his violent way, and said, with a D, 'Then do as you like.' Thank Goodness + it will always be a consolation to me to know that I instantly went out in + a pouring rain and bought the things." + </p> + <p> + "<i>He</i> paid for them, did he not?" asked Estella. + </p> + <p> + "It's not the question, my dear child, who paid for them," returned + Camilla. "<i>I</i> bought them. And I shall often think of that with peace, when + I wake up in the night." + </p> + <p> + The ringing of a distant bell, combined with the echoing of some cry or + call along the passage by which I had come, interrupted the conversation + and caused Estella to say to me, "Now, boy!" On my turning round, they all + looked at me with the utmost contempt, and, as I went out, I heard Sarah + Pocket say, "Well I am sure! What next!" and Camilla add, with + indignation, "Was there ever such a fancy! The i-d<i>e</i>-a!" + </p> + <p> + As we were going with our candle along the dark passage, Estella stopped + all of a sudden, and, facing round, said in her taunting manner, with her + face quite close to mine,— + </p> + <p> + "Well?" + </p> + <p> + "Well, miss?" I answered, almost falling over her and checking myself. + </p> + <p> + She stood looking at me, and, of course, I stood looking at her. + </p> + <p> + "Am I pretty?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes; I think you are very pretty." + </p> + <p> + "Am I insulting?" + </p> + <p> + "Not so much so as you were last time," said I. + </p> + <p> + "Not so much so?" + </p> + <p> + "No." + </p> + <p> + She fired when she asked the last question, and she slapped my face with + such force as she had, when I answered it. + </p> + <p> + "Now?" said she. "You little coarse monster, what do you think of me now?" + </p> + <p> + "I shall not tell you." + </p> + <p> + "Because you are going to tell up stairs. Is that it?" + </p> + <p> + "No," said I, "that's not it." + </p> + <p> + "Why don't you cry again, you little wretch?" + </p> + <p> + "Because I'll never cry for you again," said I. Which was, I suppose, as + false a declaration as ever was made; for I was inwardly crying for her + then, and I know what I know of the pain she cost me afterwards. + </p> + <p> + We went on our way up stairs after this episode; and, as we were going up, + we met a gentleman groping his way down. + </p> + <p> + "Whom have we here?" asked the gentleman, stopping and looking at me. + </p> + <p> + "A boy," said Estella. + </p> + <p> + He was a burly man of an exceedingly dark complexion, with an exceedingly + large head, and a corresponding large hand. He took my chin in his large + hand and turned up my face to have a look at me by the light of the + candle. He was prematurely bald on the top of his head, and had bushy + black eyebrows that wouldn't lie down but stood up bristling. His eyes + were set very deep in his head, and were disagreeably sharp and + suspicious. He had a large watch-chain, and strong black dots where his + beard and whiskers would have been if he had let them. He was nothing to + me, and I could have had no foresight then, that he ever would be anything + to me, but it happened that I had this opportunity of observing him well. + </p> + <p> + "Boy of the neighborhood? Hey?" said he. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, sir," said I. + </p> + <p> + "How do <i>you</i> come here?" + </p> + <p> + "Miss Havisham sent for me, sir," I explained. + </p> + <p> + "Well! Behave yourself. I have a pretty large experience of boys, and + you're a bad set of fellows. Now mind!" said he, biting the side of his + great forefinger as he frowned at me, "you behave yourself!" + </p> + <p> + With those words, he released me—which I was glad of, for his hand + smelt of scented soap—and went his way down stairs. I wondered + whether he could be a doctor; but no, I thought; he couldn't be a doctor, + or he would have a quieter and more persuasive manner. There was not much + time to consider the subject, for we were soon in Miss Havisham's room, + where she and everything else were just as I had left them. Estella left + me standing near the door, and I stood there until Miss Havisham cast her + eyes upon me from the dressing-table. + </p> + <p> + "So!" she said, without being startled or surprised: "the days have worn + away, have they?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, ma'am. To-day is—" + </p> + <p> + "There, there, there!" with the impatient movement of her fingers. "I + don't want to know. Are you ready to play?" + </p> + <p> + I was obliged to answer in some confusion, "I don't think I am, ma'am." + </p> + <p> + "Not at cards again?" she demanded, with a searching look. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, ma'am; I could do that, if I was wanted." + </p> + <p> + "Since this house strikes you old and grave, boy," said Miss Havisham, + impatiently, "and you are unwilling to play, are you willing to work?" + </p> + <p> + I could answer this inquiry with a better heart than I had been able to + find for the other question, and I said I was quite willing. + </p> + <p> + "Then go into that opposite room," said she, pointing at the door behind + me with her withered hand, "and wait there till I come." + </p> + <p> + I crossed the staircase landing, and entered the room she indicated. From + that room, too, the daylight was completely excluded, and it had an + airless smell that was oppressive. A fire had been lately kindled in the + damp old-fashioned grate, and it was more disposed to go out than to burn + up, and the reluctant smoke which hung in the room seemed colder than the + clearer air,—like our own marsh mist. Certain wintry branches of + candles on the high chimney-piece faintly lighted the chamber; or it would + be more expressive to say, faintly troubled its darkness. It was spacious, + and I dare say had once been handsome, but every discernible thing in it + was covered with dust and mould, and dropping to pieces. The most + prominent object was a long table with a tablecloth spread on it, as if a + feast had been in preparation when the house and the clocks all stopped + together. An epergne or centre-piece of some kind was in the middle of + this cloth; it was so heavily overhung with cobwebs that its form was + quite undistinguishable; and, as I looked along the yellow expanse out of + which I remember its seeming to grow, like a black fungus, I saw + speckle-legged spiders with blotchy bodies running home to it, and running + out from it, as if some circumstances of the greatest public importance + had just transpired in the spider community. + </p> + <p> + I heard the mice too, rattling behind the panels, as if the same + occurrence were important to their interests. But the black beetles took + no notice of the agitation, and groped about the hearth in a ponderous + elderly way, as if they were short-sighted and hard of hearing, and not on + terms with one another. + </p> + <p> + These crawling things had fascinated my attention, and I was watching them + from a distance, when Miss Havisham laid a hand upon my shoulder. In her + other hand she had a crutch-headed stick on which she leaned, and she + looked like the Witch of the place. + </p> + <p> + "This," said she, pointing to the long table with her stick, "is where I + will be laid when I am dead. They shall come and look at me here." + </p> + <p> + With some vague misgiving that she might get upon the table then and there + and die at once, the complete realization of the ghastly waxwork at the + Fair, I shrank under her touch. + </p> + <p> + "What do you think that is?" she asked me, again pointing with her stick; + "that, where those cobwebs are?" + </p> + <p> + "I can't guess what it is, ma'am." + </p> + <p> + "It's a great cake. A bride-cake. Mine!" + </p> + <p> + She looked all round the room in a glaring manner, and then said, leaning + on me while her hand twitched my shoulder, "Come, come, come! Walk me, + walk me!" + </p> + <p> + I made out from this, that the work I had to do, was to walk Miss Havisham + round and round the room. Accordingly, I started at once, and she leaned + upon my shoulder, and we went away at a pace that might have been an + imitation (founded on my first impulse under that roof) of Mr. + Pumblechook's chaise-cart. + </p> + <p> + She was not physically strong, and after a little time said, "Slower!" + Still, we went at an impatient fitful speed, and as we went, she twitched + the hand upon my shoulder, and worked her mouth, and led me to believe + that we were going fast because her thoughts went fast. After a while she + said, "Call Estella!" so I went out on the landing and roared that name as + I had done on the previous occasion. When her light appeared, I returned + to Miss Havisham, and we started away again round and round the room. + </p> + <p> + If only Estella had come to be a spectator of our proceedings, I should + have felt sufficiently discontented; but as she brought with her the three + ladies and the gentleman whom I had seen below, I didn't know what to do. + In my politeness, I would have stopped; but Miss Havisham twitched my + shoulder, and we posted on,—with a shame-faced consciousness on my + part that they would think it was all my doing. + </p> + <p> + "Dear Miss Havisham," said Miss Sarah Pocket. "How well you look!" + </p> + <p> + "I do not," returned Miss Havisham. "I am yellow skin and bone." + </p> + <p> + Camilla brightened when Miss Pocket met with this rebuff; and she + murmured, as she plaintively contemplated Miss Havisham, "Poor dear soul! + Certainly not to be expected to look well, poor thing. The idea!" + </p> + <p> + "And how are <i>you</i>?" said Miss Havisham to Camilla. As we were close to + Camilla then, I would have stopped as a matter of course, only Miss + Havisham wouldn't stop. We swept on, and I felt that I was highly + obnoxious to Camilla. + </p> + <p> + "Thank you, Miss Havisham," she returned, "I am as well as can be + expected." + </p> + <p> + "Why, what's the matter with you?" asked Miss Havisham, with exceeding + sharpness. + </p> + <p> + "Nothing worth mentioning," replied Camilla. "I don't wish to make a + display of my feelings, but I have habitually thought of you more in the + night than I am quite equal to." + </p> + <p> + "Then don't think of me," retorted Miss Havisham. + </p> + <p> + "Very easily said!" remarked Camilla, amiably repressing a sob, while a + hitch came into her upper lip, and her tears overflowed. "Raymond is a + witness what ginger and sal volatile I am obliged to take in the night. + Raymond is a witness what nervous jerkings I have in my legs. Chokings and + nervous jerkings, however, are nothing new to me when I think with anxiety + of those I love. If I could be less affectionate and sensitive, I should + have a better digestion and an iron set of nerves. I am sure I wish it + could be so. But as to not thinking of you in the night—The idea!" + Here, a burst of tears. + </p> + <p> + The Raymond referred to, I understood to be the gentleman present, and him + I understood to be Mr. Camilla. He came to the rescue at this point, and + said in a consolatory and complimentary voice, "Camilla, my dear, it is + well known that your family feelings are gradually undermining you to the + extent of making one of your legs shorter than the other." + </p> + <p> + "I am not aware," observed the grave lady whose voice I had heard but + once, "that to think of any person is to make a great claim upon that + person, my dear." + </p> + <p> + Miss Sarah Pocket, whom I now saw to be a little dry, brown, corrugated + old woman, with a small face that might have been made of walnut-shells, + and a large mouth like a cat's without the whiskers, supported this + position by saying, "No, indeed, my dear. Hem!" + </p> + <p> + "Thinking is easy enough," said the grave lady. + </p> + <p> + "What is easier, you know?" assented Miss Sarah Pocket. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, yes, yes!" cried Camilla, whose fermenting feelings appeared to rise + from her legs to her bosom. "It's all very true! It's a weakness to be so + affectionate, but I can't help it. No doubt my health would be much better + if it was otherwise, still I wouldn't change my disposition if I could. + It's the cause of much suffering, but it's a consolation to know I posses + it, when I wake up in the night." Here another burst of feeling. + </p> + <p> + Miss Havisham and I had never stopped all this time, but kept going round + and round the room; now brushing against the skirts of the visitors, now + giving them the whole length of the dismal chamber. + </p> + <p> + "There's Matthew!" said Camilla. "Never mixing with any natural ties, + never coming here to see how Miss Havisham is! I have taken to the sofa + with my staylace cut, and have lain there hours insensible, with my head + over the side, and my hair all down, and my feet I don't know where—" + </p> + <p> + ("Much higher than your head, my love," said Mr. Camilla.) + </p> + <p> + "I have gone off into that state, hours and hours, on account of Matthew's + strange and inexplicable conduct, and nobody has thanked me." + </p> + <p> + "Really I must say I should think not!" interposed the grave lady. + </p> + <p> + "You see, my dear," added Miss Sarah Pocket (a blandly vicious personage), + "the question to put to yourself is, who did you expect to thank you, my + love?" + </p> + <p> + "Without expecting any thanks, or anything of the sort," resumed Camilla, + "I have remained in that state, hours and hours, and Raymond is a witness + of the extent to which I have choked, and what the total inefficacy of + ginger has been, and I have been heard at the piano-forte tuner's across + the street, where the poor mistaken children have even supposed it to be + pigeons cooing at a distance,—and now to be told—" Here + Camilla put her hand to her throat, and began to be quite chemical as to + the formation of new combinations there. + </p> + <p> + When this same Matthew was mentioned, Miss Havisham stopped me and + herself, and stood looking at the speaker. This change had a great + influence in bringing Camilla's chemistry to a sudden end. + </p> + <p> + "Matthew will come and see me at last," said Miss Havisham, sternly, "when + I am laid on that table. That will be his place,—there," striking + the table with her stick, "at my head! And yours will be there! And your + husband's there! And Sarah Pocket's there! And Georgiana's there! Now you + all know where to take your stations when you come to feast upon me. And + now go!" + </p> + <p> + At the mention of each name, she had struck the table with her stick in a + new place. She now said, "Walk me, walk me!" and we went on again. + </p> + <p> + "I suppose there's nothing to be done," exclaimed Camilla, "but comply and + depart. It's something to have seen the object of one's love and duty for + even so short a time. I shall think of it with a melancholy satisfaction + when I wake up in the night. I wish Matthew could have that comfort, but + he sets it at defiance. I am determined not to make a display of my + feelings, but it's very hard to be told one wants to feast on one's + relations,—as if one was a Giant,—and to be told to go. The + bare idea!" + </p> + <p> + Mr. Camilla interposing, as Mrs. Camilla laid her hand upon her heaving + bosom, that lady assumed an unnatural fortitude of manner which I supposed + to be expressive of an intention to drop and choke when out of view, and + kissing her hand to Miss Havisham, was escorted forth. Sarah Pocket and + Georgiana contended who should remain last; but Sarah was too knowing to + be outdone, and ambled round Georgiana with that artful slipperiness that + the latter was obliged to take precedence. Sarah Pocket then made her + separate effect of departing with, "Bless you, Miss Havisham dear!" and + with a smile of forgiving pity on her walnut-shell countenance for the + weaknesses of the rest. + </p> + <p> + While Estella was away lighting them down, Miss Havisham still walked with + her hand on my shoulder, but more and more slowly. At last she stopped + before the fire, and said, after muttering and looking at it some seconds,— + </p> + <p> + "This is my birthday, Pip." + </p> + <p> + I was going to wish her many happy returns, when she lifted her stick. + </p> + <p> + "I don't suffer it to be spoken of. I don't suffer those who were here + just now, or any one to speak of it. They come here on the day, but they + dare not refer to it." + </p> + <p> + Of course <i>I</i> made no further effort to refer to it. + </p> + <p> + "On this day of the year, long before you were born, this heap of decay," + stabbing with her crutched stick at the pile of cobwebs on the table, but + not touching it, "was brought here. It and I have worn away together. The + mice have gnawed at it, and sharper teeth than teeth of mice have gnawed + at me." + </p> + <p> + She held the head of her stick against her heart as she stood looking at + the table; she in her once white dress, all yellow and withered; the once + white cloth all yellow and withered; everything around in a state to + crumble under a touch. + </p> + <p> + "When the ruin is complete," said she, with a ghastly look, "and when they + lay me dead, in my bride's dress on the bride's table,—which shall + be done, and which will be the finished curse upon him,—so much the + better if it is done on this day!" + </p> + <p> + She stood looking at the table as if she stood looking at her own figure + lying there. I remained quiet. Estella returned, and she too remained + quiet. It seemed to me that we continued thus for a long time. In the + heavy air of the room, and the heavy darkness that brooded in its remoter + corners, I even had an alarming fancy that Estella and I might presently + begin to decay. + </p> + <p> + At length, not coming out of her distraught state by degrees, but in an + instant, Miss Havisham said, "Let me see you two play cards; why have you + not begun?" With that, we returned to her room, and sat down as before; I + was beggared, as before; and again, as before, Miss Havisham watched us + all the time, directed my attention to Estella's beauty, and made me + notice it the more by trying her jewels on Estella's breast and hair. + </p> + <p> + Estella, for her part, likewise treated me as before, except that she did + not condescend to speak. When we had played some half-dozen games, a day + was appointed for my return, and I was taken down into the yard to be fed + in the former dog-like manner. There, too, I was again left to wander + about as I liked. + </p> + <p> + It is not much to the purpose whether a gate in that garden wall which I + had scrambled up to peep over on the last occasion was, on that last + occasion, open or shut. Enough that I saw no gate then, and that I saw one + now. As it stood open, and as I knew that Estella had let the visitors + out,—for she had returned with the keys in her hand,—I + strolled into the garden, and strolled all over it. It was quite a + wilderness, and there were old melon-frames and cucumber-frames in it, + which seemed in their decline to have produced a spontaneous growth of + weak attempts at pieces of old hats and boots, with now and then a weedy + offshoot into the likeness of a battered saucepan. + </p> + <p> + When I had exhausted the garden and a greenhouse with nothing in it but a + fallen-down grape-vine and some bottles, I found myself in the dismal + corner upon which I had looked out of the window. Never questioning for a + moment that the house was now empty, I looked in at another window, and + found myself, to my great surprise, exchanging a broad stare with a pale + young gentleman with red eyelids and light hair. + </p> + <p> + This pale young gentleman quickly disappeared, and reappeared beside me. + He had been at his books when I had found myself staring at him, and I now + saw that he was inky. + </p> + <p> + "Halloa!" said he, "young fellow!" + </p> + <p> + Halloa being a general observation which I had usually observed to be best + answered by itself, <i>I</i> said, "Halloa!" politely omitting young fellow. + </p> + <p> + "Who let <i>you</i> in?" said he. + </p> + <p> + "Miss Estella." + </p> + <p> + "Who gave you leave to prowl about?" + </p> + <p> + "Miss Estella." + </p> + <p> + "Come and fight," said the pale young gentleman. + </p> + <p> + What could I do but follow him? I have often asked myself the question + since; but what else could I do? His manner was so final, and I was so + astonished, that I followed where he led, as if I had been under a spell. + </p> + <p> + "Stop a minute, though," he said, wheeling round before we had gone many + paces. "I ought to give you a reason for fighting, too. There it is!" In a + most irritating manner he instantly slapped his hands against one another, + daintily flung one of his legs up behind him, pulled my hair, slapped his + hands again, dipped his head, and butted it into my stomach. + </p> + <p> + The bull-like proceeding last mentioned, besides that it was + unquestionably to be regarded in the light of a liberty, was particularly + disagreeable just after bread and meat. I therefore hit out at him and was + going to hit out again, when he said, "Aha! Would you?" and began dancing + backwards and forwards in a manner quite unparalleled within my limited + experience. + </p> + <p> + "Laws of the game!" said he. Here, he skipped from his left leg on to his + right. "Regular rules!" Here, he skipped from his right leg on to his + left. "Come to the ground, and go through the preliminaries!" Here, he + dodged backwards and forwards, and did all sorts of things while I looked + helplessly at him. + </p> + <p> + I was secretly afraid of him when I saw him so dexterous; but I felt + morally and physically convinced that his light head of hair could have + had no business in the pit of my stomach, and that I had a right to + consider it irrelevant when so obtruded on my attention. Therefore, I + followed him without a word, to a retired nook of the garden, formed by + the junction of two walls and screened by some rubbish. On his asking me + if I was satisfied with the ground, and on my replying Yes, he begged my + leave to absent himself for a moment, and quickly returned with a bottle + of water and a sponge dipped in vinegar. "Available for both," he said, + placing these against the wall. And then fell to pulling off, not only his + jacket and waistcoat, but his shirt too, in a manner at once + light-hearted, business-like, and bloodthirsty. + </p> + <p> + Although he did not look very healthy,—having pimples on his face, + and a breaking out at his mouth,—these dreadful preparations quite + appalled me. I judged him to be about my own age, but he was much taller, + and he had a way of spinning himself about that was full of appearance. + For the rest, he was a young gentleman in a gray suit (when not denuded + for battle), with his elbows, knees, wrists, and heels considerably in + advance of the rest of him as to development. + </p> + <p> + My heart failed me when I saw him squaring at me with every demonstration + of mechanical nicety, and eyeing my anatomy as if he were minutely + choosing his bone. I never have been so surprised in my life, as I was + when I let out the first blow, and saw him lying on his back, looking up + at me with a bloody nose and his face exceedingly fore-shortened. + </p> + <p> + But, he was on his feet directly, and after sponging himself with a great + show of dexterity began squaring again. The second greatest surprise I + have ever had in my life was seeing him on his back again, looking up at + me out of a black eye. + </p> + <p> + His spirit inspired me with great respect. He seemed to have no strength, + and he never once hit me hard, and he was always knocked down; but he + would be up again in a moment, sponging himself or drinking out of the + water-bottle, with the greatest satisfaction in seconding himself + according to form, and then came at me with an air and a show that made me + believe he really was going to do for me at last. He got heavily bruised, + for I am sorry to record that the more I hit him, the harder I hit him; + but he came up again and again and again, until at last he got a bad fall + with the back of his head against the wall. Even after that crisis in our + affairs, he got up and turned round and round confusedly a few times, not + knowing where I was; but finally went on his knees to his sponge and threw + it up: at the same time panting out, "That means you have won." + </p> + <p> + He seemed so brave and innocent, that although I had not proposed the + contest, I felt but a gloomy satisfaction in my victory. Indeed, I go so + far as to hope that I regarded myself while dressing as a species of + savage young wolf or other wild beast. However, I got dressed, darkly + wiping my sanguinary face at intervals, and I said, "Can I help you?" and + he said "No thankee," and I said "Good afternoon," and <i>he</i> said "Same to + you." + </p> + <p> + When I got into the courtyard, I found Estella waiting with the keys. But + she neither asked me where I had been, nor why I had kept her waiting; and + there was a bright flush upon her face, as though something had happened + to delight her. Instead of going straight to the gate, too, she stepped + back into the passage, and beckoned me. + </p> + <p> + "Come here! You may kiss me, if you like." + </p> + <p> + I kissed her cheek as she turned it to me. I think I would have gone + through a great deal to kiss her cheek. But I felt that the kiss was given + to the coarse common boy as a piece of money might have been, and that it + was worth nothing. + </p> + <p> + What with the birthday visitors, and what with the cards, and what with + the fight, my stay had lasted so long, that when I neared home the light + on the spit of sand off the point on the marshes was gleaming against a + black night-sky, and Joe's furnace was flinging a path of fire across the + road. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0012" id="link2HCH0012"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XII + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">M</span>y mind grew very uneasy on the subject of the pale young gentleman. The + more I thought of the fight, and recalled the pale young gentleman on his + back in various stages of puffy and incrimsoned countenance, the more + certain it appeared that something would be done to me. I felt that the + pale young gentleman's blood was on my head, and that the Law would avenge + it. Without having any definite idea of the penalties I had incurred, it + was clear to me that village boys could not go stalking about the country, + ravaging the houses of gentlefolks and pitching into the studious youth of + England, without laying themselves open to severe punishment. For some + days, I even kept close at home, and looked out at the kitchen door with + the greatest caution and trepidation before going on an errand, lest the + officers of the County Jail should pounce upon me. The pale young + gentleman's nose had stained my trousers, and I tried to wash out that + evidence of my guilt in the dead of night. I had cut my knuckles against + the pale young gentleman's teeth, and I twisted my imagination into a + thousand tangles, as I devised incredible ways of accounting for that + damnatory circumstance when I should be haled before the Judges. + </p> + <p> + When the day came round for my return to the scene of the deed of + violence, my terrors reached their height. Whether myrmidons of Justice, + specially sent down from London, would be lying in ambush behind the gate;—whether + Miss Havisham, preferring to take personal vengeance for an outrage done + to her house, might rise in those grave-clothes of hers, draw a pistol, + and shoot me dead:—whether suborned boys—a numerous band of + mercenaries—might be engaged to fall upon me in the brewery, and + cuff me until I was no more;—it was high testimony to my confidence + in the spirit of the pale young gentleman, that I never imagined <i>him</i> + accessory to these retaliations; they always came into my mind as the acts + of injudicious relatives of his, goaded on by the state of his visage and + an indignant sympathy with the family features. + </p> + <p> + However, go to Miss Havisham's I must, and go I did. And behold! nothing + came of the late struggle. It was not alluded to in any way, and no pale + young gentleman was to be discovered on the premises. I found the same + gate open, and I explored the garden, and even looked in at the windows of + the detached house; but my view was suddenly stopped by the closed + shutters within, and all was lifeless. Only in the corner where the combat + had taken place could I detect any evidence of the young gentleman's + existence. There were traces of his gore in that spot, and I covered them + with garden-mould from the eye of man. + </p> + <p> + On the broad landing between Miss Havisham's own room and that other room + in which the long table was laid out, I saw a garden-chair,—a light + chair on wheels, that you pushed from behind. It had been placed there + since my last visit, and I entered, that same day, on a regular occupation + of pushing Miss Havisham in this chair (when she was tired of walking with + her hand upon my shoulder) round her own room, and across the landing, and + round the other room. Over and over and over again, we would make these + journeys, and sometimes they would last as long as three hours at a + stretch. I insensibly fall into a general mention of these journeys as + numerous, because it was at once settled that I should return every + alternate day at noon for these purposes, and because I am now going to + sum up a period of at least eight or ten months. + </p> + <p> + As we began to be more used to one another, Miss Havisham talked more to + me, and asked me such questions as what had I learnt and what was I going + to be? I told her I was going to be apprenticed to Joe, I believed; and I + enlarged upon my knowing nothing and wanting to know everything, in the + hope that she might offer some help towards that desirable end. But she + did not; on the contrary, she seemed to prefer my being ignorant. Neither + did she ever give me any money,—or anything but my daily dinner,—nor + ever stipulate that I should be paid for my services. + </p> + <p> + Estella was always about, and always let me in and out, but never told me + I might kiss her again. Sometimes, she would coldly tolerate me; + sometimes, she would condescend to me; sometimes, she would be quite + familiar with me; sometimes, she would tell me energetically that she + hated me. Miss Havisham would often ask me in a whisper, or when we were + alone, "Does she grow prettier and prettier, Pip?" And when I said yes + (for indeed she did), would seem to enjoy it greedily. Also, when we + played at cards Miss Havisham would look on, with a miserly relish of + Estella's moods, whatever they were. And sometimes, when her moods were so + many and so contradictory of one another that I was puzzled what to say or + do, Miss Havisham would embrace her with lavish fondness, murmuring + something in her ear that sounded like "Break their hearts my pride and + hope, break their hearts and have no mercy!" + </p> + <p> + There was a song Joe used to hum fragments of at the forge, of which the + burden was Old Clem. This was not a very ceremonious way of rendering + homage to a patron saint, but I believe Old Clem stood in that relation + towards smiths. It was a song that imitated the measure of beating upon + iron, and was a mere lyrical excuse for the introduction of Old Clem's + respected name. Thus, you were to hammer boys round—Old Clem! With a + thump and a sound—Old Clem! Beat it out, beat it out—Old Clem! + With a clink for the stout—Old Clem! Blow the fire, blow the fire—Old + Clem! Roaring dryer, soaring higher—Old Clem! One day soon after the + appearance of the chair, Miss Havisham suddenly saying to me, with the + impatient movement of her fingers, "There, there, there! Sing!" I was + surprised into crooning this ditty as I pushed her over the floor. It + happened so to catch her fancy that she took it up in a low brooding voice + as if she were singing in her sleep. After that, it became customary with + us to have it as we moved about, and Estella would often join in; though + the whole strain was so subdued, even when there were three of us, that it + made less noise in the grim old house than the lightest breath of wind. + </p> + <p> + What could I become with these surroundings? How could my character fail + to be influenced by them? Is it to be wondered at if my thoughts were + dazed, as my eyes were, when I came out into the natural light from the + misty yellow rooms? + </p> + <p> + Perhaps I might have told Joe about the pale young gentleman, if I had not + previously been betrayed into those enormous inventions to which I had + confessed. Under the circumstances, I felt that Joe could hardly fail to + discern in the pale young gentleman, an appropriate passenger to be put + into the black velvet coach; therefore, I said nothing of him. Besides, + that shrinking from having Miss Havisham and Estella discussed, which had + come upon me in the beginning, grew much more potent as time went on. I + reposed complete confidence in no one but Biddy; but I told poor Biddy + everything. Why it came natural to me to do so, and why Biddy had a deep + concern in everything I told her, I did not know then, though I think I + know now. + </p> + <p> + Meanwhile, councils went on in the kitchen at home, fraught with almost + insupportable aggravation to my exasperated spirit. That ass, Pumblechook, + used often to come over of a night for the purpose of discussing my + prospects with my sister; and I really do believe (to this hour with less + penitence than I ought to feel), that if these hands could have taken a + linchpin out of his chaise-cart, they would have done it. The miserable + man was a man of that confined stolidity of mind, that he could not + discuss my prospects without having me before him,—as it were, to + operate upon,—and he would drag me up from my stool (usually by the + collar) where I was quiet in a corner, and, putting me before the fire as + if I were going to be cooked, would begin by saying, "Now, Mum, here is + this boy! Here is this boy which you brought up by hand. Hold up your + head, boy, and be forever grateful unto them which so did do. Now, Mum, + with respections to this boy!" And then he would rumple my hair the wrong + way,—which from my earliest remembrance, as already hinted, I have + in my soul denied the right of any fellow-creature to do,—and would + hold me before him by the sleeve,—a spectacle of imbecility only to + be equalled by himself. + </p> + <p> + Then, he and my sister would pair off in such nonsensical speculations + about Miss Havisham, and about what she would do with me and for me, that + I used to want—quite painfully—to burst into spiteful tears, + fly at Pumblechook, and pummel him all over. In these dialogues, my sister + spoke to me as if she were morally wrenching one of my teeth out at every + reference; while Pumblechook himself, self-constituted my patron, would + sit supervising me with a depreciatory eye, like the architect of my + fortunes who thought himself engaged on a very unremunerative job. + </p> + <p> + In these discussions, Joe bore no part. But he was often talked at, while + they were in progress, by reason of Mrs. Joe's perceiving that he was not + favorable to my being taken from the forge. I was fully old enough now to + be apprenticed to Joe; and when Joe sat with the poker on his knees + thoughtfully raking out the ashes between the lower bars, my sister would + so distinctly construe that innocent action into opposition on his part, + that she would dive at him, take the poker out of his hands, shake him, + and put it away. There was a most irritating end to every one of these + debates. All in a moment, with nothing to lead up to it, my sister would + stop herself in a yawn, and catching sight of me as it were incidentally, + would swoop upon me with, "Come! there's enough of <i>you</i>! <i>You</i> get along to + bed; <i>you</i>'ve given trouble enough for one night, I hope!" As if I had + besought them as a favor to bother my life out. + </p> + <p> + We went on in this way for a long time, and it seemed likely that we + should continue to go on in this way for a long time, when one day Miss + Havisham stopped short as she and I were walking, she leaning on my + shoulder; and said with some displeasure,— + </p> + <p> + "You are growing tall, Pip!" + </p> + <p> + I thought it best to hint, through the medium of a meditative look, that + this might be occasioned by circumstances over which I had no control. + </p> + <p> + She said no more at the time; but she presently stopped and looked at me + again; and presently again; and after that, looked frowning and moody. On + the next day of my attendance, when our usual exercise was over, and I had + landed her at her dressing-table, she stayed me with a movement of her + impatient fingers:— + </p> + <p> + "Tell me the name again of that blacksmith of yours." + </p> + <p> + "Joe Gargery, ma'am." + </p> + <p> + "Meaning the master you were to be apprenticed to?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, Miss Havisham." + </p> + <p> + "You had better be apprenticed at once. Would Gargery come here with you, + and bring your indentures, do you think?" + </p> + <p> + I signified that I had no doubt he would take it as an honor to be asked. + </p> + <p> + "Then let him come." + </p> + <p> + "At any particular time, Miss Havisham?" + </p> + <p> + "There, there! I know nothing about times. Let him come soon, and come + along with you." + </p> + <p> + When I got home at night, and delivered this message for Joe, my sister + "went on the Rampage," in a more alarming degree than at any previous + period. She asked me and Joe whether we supposed she was door-mats under + our feet, and how we dared to use her so, and what company we graciously + thought she <i>was</i> fit for? When she had exhausted a torrent of such + inquiries, she threw a candlestick at Joe, burst into a loud sobbing, got + out the dustpan,—which was always a very bad sign,—put on her + coarse apron, and began cleaning up to a terrible extent. Not satisfied + with a dry cleaning, she took to a pail and scrubbing-brush, and cleaned + us out of house and home, so that we stood shivering in the back-yard. It + was ten o'clock at night before we ventured to creep in again, and then + she asked Joe why he hadn't married a Negress Slave at once? Joe offered + no answer, poor fellow, but stood feeling his whisker and looking + dejectedly at me, as if he thought it really might have been a better + speculation. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0013" id="link2HCH0013"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XIII + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span>t was a trial to my feelings, on the next day but one, to see Joe + arraying himself in his Sunday clothes to accompany me to Miss Havisham's. + However, as he thought his court-suit necessary to the occasion, it was + not for me to tell him that he looked far better in his working-dress; the + rather, because I knew he made himself so dreadfully uncomfortable, + entirely on my account, and that it was for me he pulled up his + shirt-collar so very high behind, that it made the hair on the crown of + his head stand up like a tuft of feathers. + </p> + <p> + At breakfast-time my sister declared her intention of going to town with + us, and being left at Uncle Pumblechook's and called for "when we had done + with our fine ladies"—a way of putting the case, from which Joe + appeared inclined to augur the worst. The forge was shut up for the day, + and Joe inscribed in chalk upon the door (as it was his custom to do on + the very rare occasions when he was not at work) the monosyllable HOUT, + accompanied by a sketch of an arrow supposed to be flying in the direction + he had taken. + </p> + <p> + We walked to town, my sister leading the way in a very large beaver + bonnet, and carrying a basket like the Great Seal of England in plaited + Straw, a pair of pattens, a spare shawl, and an umbrella, though it was a + fine bright day. I am not quite clear whether these articles were carried + penitentially or ostentatiously; but I rather think they were displayed as + articles of property,—much as Cleopatra or any other sovereign lady + on the Rampage might exhibit her wealth in a pageant or procession. + </p> + <p> + When we came to Pumblechook's, my sister bounced in and left us. As it was + almost noon, Joe and I held straight on to Miss Havisham's house. Estella + opened the gate as usual, and, the moment she appeared, Joe took his hat + off and stood weighing it by the brim in both his hands; as if he had some + urgent reason in his mind for being particular to half a quarter of an + ounce. + </p> + <p> + Estella took no notice of either of us, but led us the way that I knew so + well. I followed next to her, and Joe came last. When I looked back at Joe + in the long passage, he was still weighing his hat with the greatest care, + and was coming after us in long strides on the tips of his toes. + </p> + <p> + Estella told me we were both to go in, so I took Joe by the coat-cuff and + conducted him into Miss Havisham's presence. She was seated at her + dressing-table, and looked round at us immediately. + </p> + <p> + "Oh!" said she to Joe. "You are the husband of the sister of this boy?" + </p> + <p> + I could hardly have imagined dear old Joe looking so unlike himself or so + like some extraordinary bird; standing as he did speechless, with his tuft + of feathers ruffled, and his mouth open as if he wanted a worm. + </p> + <p> + "You are the husband," repeated Miss Havisham, "of the sister of this + boy?" + </p> + <p> + It was very aggravating; but, throughout the interview, Joe persisted in + addressing Me instead of Miss Havisham. + </p> + <p> + "Which I meantersay, Pip," Joe now observed in a manner that was at once + expressive of forcible argumentation, strict confidence, and great + politeness, "as I hup and married your sister, and I were at the time what + you might call (if you was anyways inclined) a single man." + </p> + <p> + "Well!" said Miss Havisham. "And you have reared the boy, with the + intention of taking him for your apprentice; is that so, Mr. Gargery?" + </p> + <p> + "You know, Pip," replied Joe, "as you and me were ever friends, and it + were looked for'ard to betwixt us, as being calc'lated to lead to larks. + Not but what, Pip, if you had ever made objections to the business,—such + as its being open to black and sut, or such-like,—not but what they + would have been attended to, don't you see?" + </p> + <p> + "Has the boy," said Miss Havisham, "ever made any objection? Does he like + the trade?" + </p> + <p> + "Which it is well beknown to yourself, Pip," returned Joe, strengthening + his former mixture of argumentation, confidence, and politeness, "that it + were the wish of your own hart." (I saw the idea suddenly break upon him + that he would adapt his epitaph to the occasion, before he went on to say) + "And there weren't no objection on your part, and Pip it were the great + wish of your hart!" + </p> + <p> + It was quite in vain for me to endeavor to make him sensible that he ought + to speak to Miss Havisham. The more I made faces and gestures to him to do + it, the more confidential, argumentative, and polite, he persisted in + being to Me. + </p> + <p> + "Have you brought his indentures with you?" asked Miss Havisham. + </p> + <p> + "Well, Pip, you know," replied Joe, as if that were a little unreasonable, + "you yourself see me put 'em in my 'at, and therefore you know as they are + here." With which he took them out, and gave them, not to Miss Havisham, + but to me. I am afraid I was ashamed of the dear good fellow,—I <i>know</i> + I was ashamed of him,—when I saw that Estella stood at the back of + Miss Havisham's chair, and that her eyes laughed mischievously. I took the + indentures out of his hand and gave them to Miss Havisham. + </p> + <p> + "You expected," said Miss Havisham, as she looked them over, "no premium + with the boy?" + </p> + <p> + "Joe!" I remonstrated, for he made no reply at all. "Why don't you answer—" + </p> + <p> + "Pip," returned Joe, cutting me short as if he were hurt, "which I + meantersay that were not a question requiring a answer betwixt yourself + and me, and which you know the answer to be full well No. You know it to + be No, Pip, and wherefore should I say it?" + </p> + <p> + Miss Havisham glanced at him as if she understood what he really was + better than I had thought possible, seeing what he was there; and took up + a little bag from the table beside her. + </p> + <p> + "Pip has earned a premium here," she said, "and here it is. There are + five-and-twenty guineas in this bag. Give it to your master, Pip." + </p> + <p> + As if he were absolutely out of his mind with the wonder awakened in him + by her strange figure and the strange room, Joe, even at this pass, + persisted in addressing me. + </p> + <p> + "This is wery liberal on your part, Pip," said Joe, "and it is as such + received and grateful welcome, though never looked for, far nor near, nor + nowheres. And now, old chap," said Joe, conveying to me a sensation, first + of burning and then of freezing, for I felt as if that familiar expression + were applied to Miss Havisham,—"and now, old chap, may we do our + duty! May you and me do our duty, both on us, by one and another, and by + them which your liberal present—have-conweyed—to be—for + the satisfaction of mind-of—them as never—" here Joe showed + that he felt he had fallen into frightful difficulties, until he + triumphantly rescued himself with the words, "and from myself far be it!" + These words had such a round and convincing sound for him that he said + them twice. + </p> + <p> + "Good by, Pip!" said Miss Havisham. "Let them out, Estella." + </p> + <p> + "Am I to come again, Miss Havisham?" I asked. + </p> + <p> + "No. Gargery is your master now. Gargery! One word!" + </p> + <p> + Thus calling him back as I went out of the door, I heard her say to Joe in + a distinct emphatic voice, "The boy has been a good boy here, and that is + his reward. Of course, as an honest man, you will expect no other and no + more." + </p> + <p> + How Joe got out of the room, I have never been able to determine; but I + know that when he did get out he was steadily proceeding up stairs instead + of coming down, and was deaf to all remonstrances until I went after him + and laid hold of him. In another minute we were outside the gate, and it + was locked, and Estella was gone. When we stood in the daylight alone + again, Joe backed up against a wall, and said to me, "Astonishing!" And + there he remained so long saying, "Astonishing" at intervals, so often, + that I began to think his senses were never coming back. At length he + prolonged his remark into "Pip, I do assure <i>you</i> this is as-TON-ishing!" + and so, by degrees, became conversational and able to walk away. + </p> + <p> + I have reason to think that Joe's intellects were brightened by the + encounter they had passed through, and that on our way to Pumblechook's he + invented a subtle and deep design. My reason is to be found in what took + place in Mr. Pumblechook's parlor: where, on our presenting ourselves, my + sister sat in conference with that detested seedsman. + </p> + <p> + "Well?" cried my sister, addressing us both at once. "And what's happened + to <i>you</i>? I wonder you condescend to come back to such poor society as this, + I am sure I do!" + </p> + <p> + "Miss Havisham," said Joe, with a fixed look at me, like an effort of + remembrance, "made it wery partick'ler that we should give her—were + it compliments or respects, Pip?" + </p> + <p> + "Compliments," I said. + </p> + <p> + "Which that were my own belief," answered Joe; "her compliments to Mrs. J. + Gargery—" + </p> + <p> + "Much good they'll do me!" observed my sister; but rather gratified too. + </p> + <p> + "And wishing," pursued Joe, with another fixed look at me, like another + effort of remembrance, "that the state of Miss Havisham's elth were sitch + as would have—allowed, were it, Pip?" + </p> + <p> + "Of her having the pleasure," I added. + </p> + <p> + "Of ladies' company," said Joe. And drew a long breath. + </p> + <p> + "Well!" cried my sister, with a mollified glance at Mr. Pumblechook. "She + might have had the politeness to send that message at first, but it's + better late than never. And what did she give young Rantipole here?" + </p> + <p> + "She giv' him," said Joe, "nothing." + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Joe was going to break out, but Joe went on. + </p> + <p> + "What she giv'," said Joe, "she giv' to his friends. 'And by his friends,' + were her explanation, 'I mean into the hands of his sister Mrs. J. + Gargery.' Them were her words; 'Mrs. J. Gargery.' She mayn't have know'd," + added Joe, with an appearance of reflection, "whether it were Joe, or + Jorge." + </p> + <p> + My sister looked at Pumblechook: who smoothed the elbows of his wooden + arm-chair, and nodded at her and at the fire, as if he had known all about + it beforehand. + </p> + <p> + "And how much have you got?" asked my sister, laughing. Positively + laughing! + </p> + <p> + "What would present company say to ten pound?" demanded Joe. + </p> + <p> + "They'd say," returned my sister, curtly, "pretty well. Not too much, but + pretty well." + </p> + <p> + "It's more than that, then," said Joe. + </p> + <p> + That fearful Impostor, Pumblechook, immediately nodded, and said, as he + rubbed the arms of his chair, "It's more than that, Mum." + </p> + <p> + "Why, you don't mean to say—" began my sister. + </p> + <p> + "Yes I do, Mum," said Pumblechook; "but wait a bit. Go on, Joseph. Good in + you! Go on!" + </p> + <p> + "What would present company say," proceeded Joe, "to twenty pound?" + </p> + <p> + "Handsome would be the word," returned my sister. + </p> + <p> + "Well, then," said Joe, "It's more than twenty pound." + </p> + <p> + That abject hypocrite, Pumblechook, nodded again, and said, with a + patronizing laugh, "It's more than that, Mum. Good again! Follow her up, + Joseph!" + </p> + <p> + "Then to make an end of it," said Joe, delightedly handing the bag to my + sister; "it's five-and-twenty pound." + </p> + <p> + "It's five-and-twenty pound, Mum," echoed that basest of swindlers, + Pumblechook, rising to shake hands with her; "and it's no more than your + merits (as I said when my opinion was asked), and I wish you joy of the + money!" + </p> + <p> + If the villain had stopped here, his case would have been sufficiently + awful, but he blackened his guilt by proceeding to take me into custody, + with a right of patronage that left all his former criminality far behind. + </p> + <p> + "Now you see, Joseph and wife," said Pumblechook, as he took me by the arm + above the elbow, "I am one of them that always go right through with what + they've begun. This boy must be bound, out of hand. That's <i>my</i> way. Bound + out of hand." + </p> + <p> + "Goodness knows, Uncle Pumblechook," said my sister (grasping the money), + "we're deeply beholden to you." + </p> + <p> + "Never mind me, Mum," returned that diabolical cornchandler. "A pleasure's + a pleasure all the world over. But this boy, you know; we must have him + bound. I said I'd see to it—to tell you the truth." + </p> + <p> + The Justices were sitting in the Town Hall near at hand, and we at once + went over to have me bound apprentice to Joe in the Magisterial presence. + I say we went over, but I was pushed over by Pumblechook, exactly as if I + had that moment picked a pocket or fired a rick; indeed, it was the + general impression in Court that I had been taken red-handed; for, as + Pumblechook shoved me before him through the crowd, I heard some people + say, "What's he done?" and others, "He's a young 'un, too, but looks bad, + don't he?" One person of mild and benevolent aspect even gave me a tract + ornamented with a woodcut of a malevolent young man fitted up with a + perfect sausage-shop of fetters, and entitled TO BE READ IN MY CELL. + </p> + <p> + The Hall was a queer place, I thought, with higher pews in it than a + church,—and with people hanging over the pews looking on,—and + with mighty Justices (one with a powdered head) leaning back in chairs, + with folded arms, or taking snuff, or going to sleep, or writing, or + reading the newspapers,—and with some shining black portraits on the + walls, which my unartistic eye regarded as a composition of hardbake and + sticking-plaster. Here, in a corner my indentures were duly signed and + attested, and I was "bound"; Mr. Pumblechook holding me all the while as + if we had looked in on our way to the scaffold, to have those little + preliminaries disposed of. + </p> + <p> + When we had come out again, and had got rid of the boys who had been put + into great spirits by the expectation of seeing me publicly tortured, and + who were much disappointed to find that my friends were merely rallying + round me, we went back to Pumblechook's. And there my sister became so + excited by the twenty-five guineas, that nothing would serve her but we + must have a dinner out of that windfall at the Blue Boar, and that + Pumblechook must go over in his chaise-cart, and bring the Hubbles and Mr. + Wopsle. + </p> + <p> + It was agreed to be done; and a most melancholy day I passed. For, it + inscrutably appeared to stand to reason, in the minds of the whole + company, that I was an excrescence on the entertainment. And to make it + worse, they all asked me from time to time,—in short, whenever they + had nothing else to do,—why I didn't enjoy myself? And what could I + possibly do then, but say I <i>was</i> enjoying myself,—when I wasn't! + </p> + <p> + However, they were grown up and had their own way, and they made the most + of it. That swindling Pumblechook, exalted into the beneficent contriver + of the whole occasion, actually took the top of the table; and, when he + addressed them on the subject of my being bound, and had fiendishly + congratulated them on my being liable to imprisonment if I played at + cards, drank strong liquors, kept late hours or bad company, or indulged + in other vagaries which the form of my indentures appeared to contemplate + as next to inevitable, he placed me standing on a chair beside him to + illustrate his remarks. + </p> + <p> + My only other remembrances of the great festival are, That they wouldn't + let me go to sleep, but whenever they saw me dropping off, woke me up and + told me to enjoy myself. That, rather late in the evening Mr. Wopsle gave + us Collins's ode, and threw his bloodstained sword in thunder down, with + such effect, that a waiter came in and said, "The Commercials underneath + sent up their compliments, and it wasn't the Tumblers' Arms." That, they + were all in excellent spirits on the road home, and sang, O Lady Fair! Mr. + Wopsle taking the bass, and asserting with a tremendously strong voice (in + reply to the inquisitive bore who leads that piece of music in a most + impertinent manner, by wanting to know all about everybody's private + affairs) that <i>he</i> was the man with his white locks flowing, and that he was + upon the whole the weakest pilgrim going. + </p> + <p> + Finally, I remember that when I got into my little bedroom, I was truly + wretched, and had a strong conviction on me that I should never like Joe's + trade. I had liked it once, but once was not now. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0014" id="link2HCH0014"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XIV + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span>t is a most miserable thing to feel ashamed of home. There may be black + ingratitude in the thing, and the punishment may be retributive and well + deserved; but that it is a miserable thing, I can testify. + </p> + <p> + Home had never been a very pleasant place to me, because of my sister's + temper. But, Joe had sanctified it, and I had believed in it. I had + believed in the best parlor as a most elegant saloon; I had believed in + the front door, as a mysterious portal of the Temple of State whose solemn + opening was attended with a sacrifice of roast fowls; I had believed in + the kitchen as a chaste though not magnificent apartment; I had believed + in the forge as the glowing road to manhood and independence. Within a + single year all this was changed. Now it was all coarse and common, and I + would not have had Miss Havisham and Estella see it on any account. + </p> + <p> + How much of my ungracious condition of mind may have been my own fault, + how much Miss Havisham's, how much my sister's, is now of no moment to me + or to any one. The change was made in me; the thing was done. Well or ill + done, excusably or inexcusably, it was done. + </p> + <p> + Once, it had seemed to me that when I should at last roll up my + shirt-sleeves and go into the forge, Joe's 'prentice, I should be + distinguished and happy. Now the reality was in my hold, I only felt that + I was dusty with the dust of small-coal, and that I had a weight upon my + daily remembrance to which the anvil was a feather. There have been + occasions in my later life (I suppose as in most lives) when I have felt + for a time as if a thick curtain had fallen on all its interest and + romance, to shut me out from anything save dull endurance any more. Never + has that curtain dropped so heavy and blank, as when my way in life lay + stretched out straight before me through the newly entered road of + apprenticeship to Joe. + </p> + <p> + I remember that at a later period of my "time," I used to stand about the + churchyard on Sunday evenings when night was falling, comparing my own + perspective with the windy marsh view, and making out some likeness + between them by thinking how flat and low both were, and how on both there + came an unknown way and a dark mist and then the sea. I was quite as + dejected on the first working-day of my apprenticeship as in that + after-time; but I am glad to know that I never breathed a murmur to Joe + while my indentures lasted. It is about the only thing I <i>am</i> glad to know + of myself in that connection. + </p> + <p> + For, though it includes what I proceed to add, all the merit of what I + proceed to add was Joe's. It was not because I was faithful, but because + Joe was faithful, that I never ran away and went for a soldier or a + sailor. It was not because I had a strong sense of the virtue of industry, + but because Joe had a strong sense of the virtue of industry, that I + worked with tolerable zeal against the grain. It is not possible to know + how far the influence of any amiable honest-hearted duty-doing man flies + out into the world; but it is very possible to know how it has touched + one's self in going by, and I know right well that any good that + intermixed itself with my apprenticeship came of plain contented Joe, and + not of restlessly aspiring discontented me. + </p> + <p> + What I wanted, who can say? How can <i>I</i> say, when I never knew? What I + dreaded was, that in some unlucky hour I, being at my grimiest and + commonest, should lift up my eyes and see Estella looking in at one of the + wooden windows of the forge. I was haunted by the fear that she would, + sooner or later, find me out, with a black face and hands, doing the + coarsest part of my work, and would exult over me and despise me. Often + after dark, when I was pulling the bellows for Joe, and we were singing + Old Clem, and when the thought how we used to sing it at Miss Havisham's + would seem to show me Estella's face in the fire, with her pretty hair + fluttering in the wind and her eyes scorning me,—often at such a + time I would look towards those panels of black night in the wall which + the wooden windows then were, and would fancy that I saw her just drawing + her face away, and would believe that she had come at last. + </p> + <p> + After that, when we went in to supper, the place and the meal would have a + more homely look than ever, and I would feel more ashamed of home than + ever, in my own ungracious breast. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0015" id="link2HCH0015"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XV + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">A</span>s I was getting too big for Mr. Wopsle's great-aunt's room, my education + under that preposterous female terminated. Not, however, until Biddy had + imparted to me everything she knew, from the little catalogue of prices, + to a comic song she had once bought for a half-penny. Although the only + coherent part of the latter piece of literature were the opening lines. + </p> + <p> + When I went to Lunnon town sirs, Too rul loo rul Too rul loo rul Wasn't I + done very brown sirs? Too rul loo rul Too rul loo rul—still, in my + desire to be wiser, I got this composition by heart with the utmost + gravity; nor do I recollect that I questioned its merit, except that I + thought (as I still do) the amount of Too rul somewhat in excess of the + poetry. In my hunger for information, I made proposals to Mr. Wopsle to + bestow some intellectual crumbs upon me, with which he kindly complied. As + it turned out, however, that he only wanted me for a dramatic lay-figure, + to be contradicted and embraced and wept over and bullied and clutched and + stabbed and knocked about in a variety of ways, I soon declined that + course of instruction; though not until Mr. Wopsle in his poetic fury had + severely mauled me. + </p> + <p> + Whatever I acquired, I tried to impart to Joe. This statement sounds so + well, that I cannot in my conscience let it pass unexplained. I wanted to + make Joe less ignorant and common, that he might be worthier of my society + and less open to Estella's reproach. + </p> + <p> + The old Battery out on the marshes was our place of study, and a broken + slate and a short piece of slate-pencil were our educational implements: + to which Joe always added a pipe of tobacco. I never knew Joe to remember + anything from one Sunday to another, or to acquire, under my tuition, any + piece of information whatever. Yet he would smoke his pipe at the Battery + with a far more sagacious air than anywhere else,—even with a + learned air,—as if he considered himself to be advancing immensely. + Dear fellow, I hope he did. + </p> + <p> + It was pleasant and quiet, out there with the sails on the river passing + beyond the earthwork, and sometimes, when the tide was low, looking as if + they belonged to sunken ships that were still sailing on at the bottom of + the water. Whenever I watched the vessels standing out to sea with their + white sails spread, I somehow thought of Miss Havisham and Estella; and + whenever the light struck aslant, afar off, upon a cloud or sail or green + hillside or water-line, it was just the same.—Miss Havisham and + Estella and the strange house and the strange life appeared to have + something to do with everything that was picturesque. + </p> + <p> + One Sunday when Joe, greatly enjoying his pipe, had so plumed himself on + being "most awful dull," that I had given him up for the day, I lay on the + earthwork for some time with my chin on my hand, descrying traces of Miss + Havisham and Estella all over the prospect, in the sky and in the water, + until at last I resolved to mention a thought concerning them that had + been much in my head. + </p> + <p> + "Joe," said I; "don't you think I ought to make Miss Havisham a visit?" + </p> + <p> + "Well, Pip," returned Joe, slowly considering. "What for?" + </p> + <p> + "What for, Joe? What is any visit made for?" + </p> + <p> + "There is some wisits p'r'aps," said Joe, "as for ever remains open to the + question, Pip. But in regard to wisiting Miss Havisham. She might think + you wanted something,—expected something of her." + </p> + <p> + "Don't you think I might say that I did not, Joe?" + </p> + <p> + "You might, old chap," said Joe. "And she might credit it. Similarly she + mightn't." + </p> + <p> + Joe felt, as I did, that he had made a point there, and he pulled hard at + his pipe to keep himself from weakening it by repetition. + </p> + <p> + "You see, Pip," Joe pursued, as soon as he was past that danger, "Miss + Havisham done the handsome thing by you. When Miss Havisham done the + handsome thing by you, she called me back to say to me as that were all." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, Joe. I heard her." + </p> + <p> + "ALL," Joe repeated, very emphatically. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, Joe. I tell you, I heard her." + </p> + <p> + "Which I meantersay, Pip, it might be that her meaning were,—Make a + end on it!—As you was!—Me to the North, and you to the South!—Keep + in sunders!" + </p> + <p> + I had thought of that too, and it was very far from comforting to me to + find that he had thought of it; for it seemed to render it more probable. + </p> + <p> + "But, Joe." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, old chap." + </p> + <p> + "Here am I, getting on in the first year of my time, and, since the day of + my being bound, I have never thanked Miss Havisham, or asked after her, or + shown that I remember her." + </p> + <p> + "That's true, Pip; and unless you was to turn her out a set of shoes all + four round,—and which I meantersay as even a set of shoes all four + round might not be acceptable as a present, in a total wacancy of hoofs—" + </p> + <p> + "I don't mean that sort of remembrance, Joe; I don't mean a present." + </p> + <p> + But Joe had got the idea of a present in his head and must harp upon it. + "Or even," said he, "if you was helped to knocking her up a new chain for + the front door,—or say a gross or two of shark-headed screws for + general use,—or some light fancy article, such as a toasting-fork + when she took her muffins,—or a gridiron when she took a sprat or + such like—" + </p> + <p> + "I don't mean any present at all, Joe," I interposed. + </p> + <p> + "Well," said Joe, still harping on it as though I had particularly pressed + it, "if I was yourself, Pip, I wouldn't. No, I would <i>not</i>. For what's a + door-chain when she's got one always up? And shark-headers is open to + misrepresentations. And if it was a toasting-fork, you'd go into brass and + do yourself no credit. And the oncommonest workman can't show himself + oncommon in a gridiron,—for a gridiron IS a gridiron," said Joe, + steadfastly impressing it upon me, as if he were endeavouring to rouse me + from a fixed delusion, "and you may haim at what you like, but a gridiron + it will come out, either by your leave or again your leave, and you can't + help yourself—" + </p> + <p> + "My dear Joe," I cried, in desperation, taking hold of his coat, "don't go + on in that way. I never thought of making Miss Havisham any present." + </p> + <p> + "No, Pip," Joe assented, as if he had been contending for that, all along; + "and what I say to you is, you are right, Pip." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, Joe; but what I wanted to say, was, that as we are rather slack just + now, if you would give me a half-holiday to-morrow, I think I would go + up-town and make a call on Miss Est—Havisham." + </p> + <p> + "Which her name," said Joe, gravely, "ain't Estavisham, Pip, unless she + have been rechris'ened." + </p> + <p> + "I know, Joe, I know. It was a slip of mine. What do you think of it, + Joe?" + </p> + <p> + In brief, Joe thought that if I thought well of it, he thought well of it. + But, he was particular in stipulating that if I were not received with + cordiality, or if I were not encouraged to repeat my visit as a visit + which had no ulterior object but was simply one of gratitude for a favor + received, then this experimental trip should have no successor. By these + conditions I promised to abide. + </p> + <p> + Now, Joe kept a journeyman at weekly wages whose name was Orlick. He + pretended that his Christian name was Dolge,—a clear Impossibility,—but + he was a fellow of that obstinate disposition that I believe him to have + been the prey of no delusion in this particular, but wilfully to have + imposed that name upon the village as an affront to its understanding. He + was a broadshouldered loose-limbed swarthy fellow of great strength, never + in a hurry, and always slouching. He never even seemed to come to his work + on purpose, but would slouch in as if by mere accident; and when he went + to the Jolly Bargemen to eat his dinner, or went away at night, he would + slouch out, like Cain or the Wandering Jew, as if he had no idea where he + was going and no intention of ever coming back. He lodged at a + sluice-keeper's out on the marshes, and on working-days would come + slouching from his hermitage, with his hands in his pockets and his dinner + loosely tied in a bundle round his neck and dangling on his back. On + Sundays he mostly lay all day on the sluice-gates, or stood against ricks + and barns. He always slouched, locomotively, with his eyes on the ground; + and, when accosted or otherwise required to raise them, he looked up in a + half-resentful, half-puzzled way, as though the only thought he ever had + was, that it was rather an odd and injurious fact that he should never be + thinking. + </p> + <p> + This morose journeyman had no liking for me. When I was very small and + timid, he gave me to understand that the Devil lived in a black corner of + the forge, and that he knew the fiend very well: also that it was + necessary to make up the fire, once in seven years, with a live boy, and + that I might consider myself fuel. When I became Joe's 'prentice, Orlick + was perhaps confirmed in some suspicion that I should displace him; + howbeit, he liked me still less. Not that he ever said anything, or did + anything, openly importing hostility; I only noticed that he always beat + his sparks in my direction, and that whenever I sang Old Clem, he came in + out of time. + </p> + <p> + Dolge Orlick was at work and present, next day, when I reminded Joe of my + half-holiday. He said nothing at the moment, for he and Joe had just got a + piece of hot iron between them, and I was at the bellows; but by and by he + said, leaning on his hammer,— + </p> + <p> + "Now, master! Sure you're not a going to favor only one of us. If Young + Pip has a half-holiday, do as much for Old Orlick." I suppose he was about + five-and-twenty, but he usually spoke of himself as an ancient person. + </p> + <p> + "Why, what'll you do with a half-holiday, if you get it?" said Joe. + </p> + <p> + "What'll <i>I</i> do with it! What'll <i>he</i> do with it? I'll do as much with it as + <i>him</i>," said Orlick. + </p> + <p> + "As to Pip, he's going up town," said Joe. + </p> + <p> + "Well then, as to Old Orlick, <i>he</i>'s a going up town," retorted that worthy. + "Two can go up town. Tain't only one wot can go up town. + </p> + <p> + "Don't lose your temper," said Joe. + </p> + <p> + "Shall if I like," growled Orlick. "Some and their up-towning! Now, + master! Come. No favoring in this shop. Be a man!" + </p> + <p> + The master refusing to entertain the subject until the journeyman was in a + better temper, Orlick plunged at the furnace, drew out a red-hot bar, made + at me with it as if he were going to run it through my body, whisked it + round my head, laid it on the anvil, hammered it out,—as if it were + I, I thought, and the sparks were my spirting blood,—and finally + said, when he had hammered himself hot and the iron cold, and he again + leaned on his hammer,— + </p> + <p> + "Now, master!" + </p> + <p> + "Are you all right now?" demanded Joe. + </p> + <p> + "Ah! I am all right," said gruff Old Orlick. + </p> + <p> + "Then, as in general you stick to your work as well as most men," said + Joe, "let it be a half-holiday for all." + </p> + <p> + My sister had been standing silent in the yard, within hearing,—she + was a most unscrupulous spy and listener,—and she instantly looked + in at one of the windows. + </p> + <p> + "Like you, you fool!" said she to Joe, "giving holidays to great idle + hulkers like that. You are a rich man, upon my life, to waste wages in + that way. I wish <i>I</i> was his master!" + </p> + <p> + "You'd be everybody's master, if you durst," retorted Orlick, with an + ill-favored grin. + </p> + <p> + ("Let her alone," said Joe.) + </p> + <p> + "I'd be a match for all noodles and all rogues," returned my sister, + beginning to work herself into a mighty rage. "And I couldn't be a match + for the noodles, without being a match for your master, who's the + dunder-headed king of the noodles. And I couldn't be a match for the + rogues, without being a match for you, who are the blackest-looking and + the worst rogue between this and France. Now!" + </p> + <p> + "You're a foul shrew, Mother Gargery," growled the journeyman. "If that + makes a judge of rogues, you ought to be a good'un." + </p> + <p> + ("Let her alone, will you?" said Joe.) + </p> + <p> + "What did you say?" cried my sister, beginning to scream. "What did you + say? What did that fellow Orlick say to me, Pip? What did he call me, with + my husband standing by? Oh! oh! oh!" Each of these exclamations was a + shriek; and I must remark of my sister, what is equally true of all the + violent women I have ever seen, that passion was no excuse for her, + because it is undeniable that instead of lapsing into passion, she + consciously and deliberately took extraordinary pains to force herself + into it, and became blindly furious by regular stages; "what was the name + he gave me before the base man who swore to defend me? Oh! Hold me! Oh!" + </p> + <p> + "Ah-h-h!" growled the journeyman, between his teeth, "I'd hold you, if you + was my wife. I'd hold you under the pump, and choke it out of you." + </p> + <p> + ("I tell you, let her alone," said Joe.) + </p> + <p> + "Oh! To hear him!" cried my sister, with a clap of her hands and a scream + together,—which was her next stage. "To hear the names he's giving + me! That Orlick! In my own house! Me, a married woman! With my husband + standing by! Oh! Oh!" Here my sister, after a fit of clappings and + screamings, beat her hands upon her bosom and upon her knees, and threw + her cap off, and pulled her hair down,—which were the last stages on + her road to frenzy. Being by this time a perfect Fury and a complete + success, she made a dash at the door which I had fortunately locked. + </p> + <p> + What could the wretched Joe do now, after his disregarded parenthetical + interruptions, but stand up to his journeyman, and ask him what he meant + by interfering betwixt himself and Mrs. Joe; and further whether he was + man enough to come on? Old Orlick felt that the situation admitted of + nothing less than coming on, and was on his defence straightway; so, + without so much as pulling off their singed and burnt aprons, they went at + one another, like two giants. But, if any man in that neighborhood could + stand uplong against Joe, I never saw the man. Orlick, as if he had been + of no more account than the pale young gentleman, was very soon among the + coal-dust, and in no hurry to come out of it. Then Joe unlocked the door + and picked up my sister, who had dropped insensible at the window (but who + had seen the fight first, I think), and who was carried into the house and + laid down, and who was recommended to revive, and would do nothing but + struggle and clench her hands in Joe's hair. Then, came that singular calm + and silence which succeed all uproars; and then, with the vague sensation + which I have always connected with such a lull,—namely, that it was + Sunday, and somebody was dead,—I went up stairs to dress myself. + </p> +<div class="fig" > + <img src="images/0132m.jpg" alt="0132m " /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/0132.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + When I came down again, I found Joe and Orlick sweeping up, without any + other traces of discomposure than a slit in one of Orlick's nostrils, + which was neither expressive nor ornamental. A pot of beer had appeared + from the Jolly Bargemen, and they were sharing it by turns in a peaceable + manner. The lull had a sedative and philosophical influence on Joe, who + followed me out into the road to say, as a parting observation that might + do me good, "On the Rampage, Pip, and off the Rampage, Pip:—such is + Life!" + </p> + <p> + With what absurd emotions (for we think the feelings that are very serious + in a man quite comical in a boy) I found myself again going to Miss + Havisham's, matters little here. Nor, how I passed and repassed the gate + many times before I could make up my mind to ring. Nor, how I debated + whether I should go away without ringing; nor, how I should undoubtedly + have gone, if my time had been my own, to come back. + </p> + <p> + Miss Sarah Pocket came to the gate. No Estella. + </p> + <p> + "How, then? You here again?" said Miss Pocket. "What do you want?" + </p> + <p> + When I said that I only came to see how Miss Havisham was, Sarah evidently + deliberated whether or no she should send me about my business. But + unwilling to hazard the responsibility, she let me in, and presently + brought the sharp message that I was to "come up." + </p> + <p> + Everything was unchanged, and Miss Havisham was alone. + </p> + <p> + "Well?" said she, fixing her eyes upon me. "I hope you want nothing? + You'll get nothing." + </p> + <p> + "No indeed, Miss Havisham. I only wanted you to know that I am doing very + well in my apprenticeship, and am always much obliged to you." + </p> + <p> + "There, there!" with the old restless fingers. "Come now and then; come on + your birthday.—Ay!" she cried suddenly, turning herself and her + chair towards me, "You are looking round for Estella? Hey?" + </p> + <p> + I had been looking round,—in fact, for Estella,—and I + stammered that I hoped she was well. + </p> + <p> + "Abroad," said Miss Havisham; "educating for a lady; far out of reach; + prettier than ever; admired by all who see her. Do you feel that you have + lost her?" + </p> + <p> + There was such a malignant enjoyment in her utterance of the last words, + and she broke into such a disagreeable laugh, that I was at a loss what to + say. She spared me the trouble of considering, by dismissing me. When the + gate was closed upon me by Sarah of the walnut-shell countenance, I felt + more than ever dissatisfied with my home and with my trade and with + everything; and that was all I took by <i>that</i> motion. + </p> + <p> + As I was loitering along the High Street, looking in disconsolately at the + shop windows, and thinking what I would buy if I were a gentleman, who + should come out of the bookshop but Mr. Wopsle. Mr. Wopsle had in his hand + the affecting tragedy of George Barnwell, in which he had that moment + invested sixpence, with the view of heaping every word of it on the head + of Pumblechook, with whom he was going to drink tea. No sooner did he see + me, than he appeared to consider that a special Providence had put a + 'prentice in his way to be read at; and he laid hold of me, and insisted + on my accompanying him to the Pumblechookian parlor. As I knew it would be + miserable at home, and as the nights were dark and the way was dreary, and + almost any companionship on the road was better than none, I made no great + resistance; consequently, we turned into Pumblechook's just as the street + and the shops were lighting up. + </p> + <p> + As I never assisted at any other representation of George Barnwell, I + don't know how long it may usually take; but I know very well that it took + until half-past nine o' clock that night, and that when Mr. Wopsle got + into Newgate, I thought he never would go to the scaffold, he became so + much slower than at any former period of his disgraceful career. I thought + it a little too much that he should complain of being cut short in his + flower after all, as if he had not been running to seed, leaf after leaf, + ever since his course began. This, however, was a mere question of length + and wearisomeness. What stung me, was the identification of the whole + affair with my unoffending self. When Barnwell began to go wrong, I + declare that I felt positively apologetic, Pumblechook's indignant stare + so taxed me with it. Wopsle, too, took pains to present me in the worst + light. At once ferocious and maudlin, I was made to murder my uncle with + no extenuating circumstances whatever; Millwood put me down in argument, + on every occasion; it became sheer monomania in my master's daughter to + care a button for me; and all I can say for my gasping and procrastinating + conduct on the fatal morning, is, that it was worthy of the general + feebleness of my character. Even after I was happily hanged and Wopsle had + closed the book, Pumblechook sat staring at me, and shaking his head, and + saying, "Take warning, boy, take warning!" as if it were a well-known fact + that I contemplated murdering a near relation, provided I could only + induce one to have the weakness to become my benefactor. + </p> + <p> + It was a very dark night when it was all over, and when I set out with Mr. + Wopsle on the walk home. Beyond town, we found a heavy mist out, and it + fell wet and thick. The turnpike lamp was a blur, quite out of the lamp's + usual place apparently, and its rays looked solid substance on the fog. We + were noticing this, and saying how that the mist rose with a change of + wind from a certain quarter of our marshes, when we came upon a man, + slouching under the lee of the turnpike house. + </p> + <p> + "Halloa!" we said, stopping. "Orlick there?" + </p> + <p> + "Ah!" he answered, slouching out. "I was standing by a minute, on the + chance of company." + </p> + <p> + "You are late," I remarked. + </p> + <p> + Orlick not unnaturally answered, "Well? And <i>you</i>'re late." + </p> + <p> + "We have been," said Mr. Wopsle, exalted with his late performance,—"we + have been indulging, Mr. Orlick, in an intellectual evening." + </p> + <p> + Old Orlick growled, as if he had nothing to say about that, and we all + went on together. I asked him presently whether he had been spending his + half-holiday up and down town? + </p> + <p> + "Yes," said he, "all of it. I come in behind yourself. I didn't see you, + but I must have been pretty close behind you. By the by, the guns is going + again." + </p> + <p> + "At the Hulks?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "Ay! There's some of the birds flown from the cages. The guns have been + going since dark, about. You'll hear one presently." + </p> + <p> + In effect, we had not walked many yards further, when the well-remembered + boom came towards us, deadened by the mist, and heavily rolled away along + the low grounds by the river, as if it were pursuing and threatening the + fugitives. + </p> + <p> + "A good night for cutting off in," said Orlick. "We'd be puzzled how to + bring down a jail-bird on the wing, to-night." + </p> + <p> + The subject was a suggestive one to me, and I thought about it in silence. + Mr. Wopsle, as the ill-requited uncle of the evening's tragedy, fell to + meditating aloud in his garden at Camberwell. Orlick, with his hands in + his pockets, slouched heavily at my side. It was very dark, very wet, very + muddy, and so we splashed along. Now and then, the sound of the signal + cannon broke upon us again, and again rolled sulkily along the course of + the river. I kept myself to myself and my thoughts. Mr. Wopsle died + amiably at Camberwell, and exceedingly game on Bosworth Field, and in the + greatest agonies at Glastonbury. Orlick sometimes growled, "Beat it out, + beat it out,—Old Clem! With a clink for the stout,—Old Clem!" + I thought he had been drinking, but he was not drunk. + </p> + <p> + Thus, we came to the village. The way by which we approached it took us + past the Three Jolly Bargemen, which we were surprised to find—it + being eleven o'clock—in a state of commotion, with the door wide + open, and unwonted lights that had been hastily caught up and put down + scattered about. Mr. Wopsle dropped in to ask what was the matter + (surmising that a convict had been taken), but came running out in a great + hurry. + </p> + <p> + "There's something wrong," said he, without stopping, "up at your place, + Pip. Run all!" + </p> + <p> + "What is it?" I asked, keeping up with him. So did Orlick, at my side. + </p> + <p> + "I can't quite understand. The house seems to have been violently entered + when Joe Gargery was out. Supposed by convicts. Somebody has been attacked + and hurt." + </p> + <p> + We were running too fast to admit of more being said, and we made no stop + until we got into our kitchen. It was full of people; the whole village + was there, or in the yard; and there was a surgeon, and there was Joe, and + there were a group of women, all on the floor in the midst of the kitchen. + The unemployed bystanders drew back when they saw me, and so I became + aware of my sister,—lying without sense or movement on the bare + boards where she had been knocked down by a tremendous blow on the back of + the head, dealt by some unknown hand when her face was turned towards the + fire,—destined never to be on the Rampage again, while she was the + wife of Joe. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0016" id="link2HCH0016"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XVI + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">W</span>ith my head full of George Barnwell, I was at first disposed to believe + that <i>I</i> must have had some hand in the attack upon my sister, or at all + events that as her near relation, popularly known to be under obligations + to her, I was a more legitimate object of suspicion than any one else. But + when, in the clearer light of next morning, I began to reconsider the + matter and to hear it discussed around me on all sides, I took another + view of the case, which was more reasonable. + </p> + <p> + Joe had been at the Three Jolly Bargemen, smoking his pipe, from a quarter + after eight o'clock to a quarter before ten. While he was there, my sister + had been seen standing at the kitchen door, and had exchanged Good Night + with a farm-laborer going home. The man could not be more particular as to + the time at which he saw her (he got into dense confusion when he tried to + be), than that it must have been before nine. When Joe went home at five + minutes before ten, he found her struck down on the floor, and promptly + called in assistance. The fire had not then burnt unusually low, nor was + the snuff of the candle very long; the candle, however, had been blown + out. + </p> + <p> + Nothing had been taken away from any part of the house. Neither, beyond + the blowing out of the candle,—which stood on a table between the + door and my sister, and was behind her when she stood facing the fire and + was struck,—was there any disarrangement of the kitchen, excepting + such as she herself had made, in falling and bleeding. But, there was one + remarkable piece of evidence on the spot. She had been struck with + something blunt and heavy, on the head and spine; after the blows were + dealt, something heavy had been thrown down at her with considerable + violence, as she lay on her face. And on the ground beside her, when Joe + picked her up, was a convict's leg-iron which had been filed asunder. + </p> + <p> + Now, Joe, examining this iron with a smith's eye, declared it to have been + filed asunder some time ago. The hue and cry going off to the Hulks, and + people coming thence to examine the iron, Joe's opinion was corroborated. + They did not undertake to say when it had left the prison-ships to which + it undoubtedly had once belonged; but they claimed to know for certain + that that particular manacle had not been worn by either of the two + convicts who had escaped last night. Further, one of those two was already + retaken, and had not freed himself of his iron. + </p> + <p> + Knowing what I knew, I set up an inference of my own here. I believed the + iron to be my convict's iron,—the iron I had seen and heard him + filing at, on the marshes,—but my mind did not accuse him of having + put it to its latest use. For I believed one of two other persons to have + become possessed of it, and to have turned it to this cruel account. + Either Orlick, or the strange man who had shown me the file. + </p> + <p> + Now, as to Orlick; he had gone to town exactly as he told us when we + picked him up at the turnpike, he had been seen about town all the + evening, he had been in divers companies in several public-houses, and he + had come back with myself and Mr. Wopsle. There was nothing against him, + save the quarrel; and my sister had quarrelled with him, and with + everybody else about her, ten thousand times. As to the strange man; if he + had come back for his two bank-notes there could have been no dispute + about them, because my sister was fully prepared to restore them. Besides, + there had been no altercation; the assailant had come in so silently and + suddenly, that she had been felled before she could look round. + </p> + <p> + It was horrible to think that I had provided the weapon, however + undesignedly, but I could hardly think otherwise. I suffered unspeakable + trouble while I considered and reconsidered whether I should at last + dissolve that spell of my childhood and tell Joe all the story. For months + afterwards, I every day settled the question finally in the negative, and + reopened and reargued it next morning. The contention came, after all, to + this;—the secret was such an old one now, had so grown into me and + become a part of myself, that I could not tear it away. In addition to the + dread that, having led up to so much mischief, it would be now more likely + than ever to alienate Joe from me if he believed it, I had a further + restraining dread that he would not believe it, but would assort it with + the fabulous dogs and veal-cutlets as a monstrous invention. However, I + temporized with myself, of course—for, was I not wavering between + right and wrong, when the thing is always done?—and resolved to make + a full disclosure if I should see any such new occasion as a new chance of + helping in the discovery of the assailant. + </p> + <p> + The Constables and the Bow Street men from London—for, this happened + in the days of the extinct red-waistcoated police—were about the + house for a week or two, and did pretty much what I have heard and read of + like authorities doing in other such cases. They took up several obviously + wrong people, and they ran their heads very hard against wrong ideas, and + persisted in trying to fit the circumstances to the ideas, instead of + trying to extract ideas from the circumstances. Also, they stood about the + door of the Jolly Bargemen, with knowing and reserved looks that filled + the whole neighborhood with admiration; and they had a mysterious manner + of taking their drink, that was almost as good as taking the culprit. But + not quite, for they never did it. + </p> + <p> + Long after these constitutional powers had dispersed, my sister lay very + ill in bed. Her sight was disturbed, so that she saw objects multiplied, + and grasped at visionary teacups and wineglasses instead of the realities; + her hearing was greatly impaired; her memory also; and her speech was + unintelligible. When, at last, she came round so far as to be helped down + stairs, it was still necessary to keep my slate always by her, that she + might indicate in writing what she could not indicate in speech. As she + was (very bad handwriting apart) a more than indifferent speller, and as + Joe was a more than indifferent reader, extraordinary complications arose + between them which I was always called in to solve. The administration of + mutton instead of medicine, the substitution of Tea for Joe, and the baker + for bacon, were among the mildest of my own mistakes. + </p> + <p> + However, her temper was greatly improved, and she was patient. A tremulous + uncertainty of the action of all her limbs soon became a part of her + regular state, and afterwards, at intervals of two or three months, she + would often put her hands to her head, and would then remain for about a + week at a time in some gloomy aberration of mind. We were at a loss to + find a suitable attendant for her, until a circumstance happened + conveniently to relieve us. Mr. Wopsle's great-aunt conquered a confirmed + habit of living into which she had fallen, and Biddy became a part of our + establishment. + </p> + <p> + It may have been about a month after my sister's reappearance in the + kitchen, when Biddy came to us with a small speckled box containing the + whole of her worldly effects, and became a blessing to the household. + Above all, she was a blessing to Joe, for the dear old fellow was sadly + cut up by the constant contemplation of the wreck of his wife, and had + been accustomed, while attending on her of an evening, to turn to me every + now and then and say, with his blue eyes moistened, "Such a fine figure of + a woman as she once were, Pip!" Biddy instantly taking the cleverest + charge of her as though she had studied her from infancy; Joe became able + in some sort to appreciate the greater quiet of his life, and to get down + to the Jolly Bargemen now and then for a change that did him good. It was + characteristic of the police people that they had all more or less + suspected poor Joe (though he never knew it), and that they had to a man + concurred in regarding him as one of the deepest spirits they had ever + encountered. + </p> + <p> + Biddy's first triumph in her new office, was to solve a difficulty that + had completely vanquished me. I had tried hard at it, but had made nothing + of it. Thus it was:— + </p> + <p> + Again and again and again, my sister had traced upon the slate, a + character that looked like a curious T, and then with the utmost eagerness + had called our attention to it as something she particularly wanted. I had + in vain tried everything producible that began with a T, from tar to toast + and tub. At length it had come into my head that the sign looked like a + hammer, and on my lustily calling that word in my sister's ear, she had + begun to hammer on the table and had expressed a qualified assent. + Thereupon, I had brought in all our hammers, one after another, but + without avail. Then I bethought me of a crutch, the shape being much the + same, and I borrowed one in the village, and displayed it to my sister + with considerable confidence. But she shook her head to that extent when + she was shown it, that we were terrified lest in her weak and shattered + state she should dislocate her neck. + </p> + <p> + When my sister found that Biddy was very quick to understand her, this + mysterious sign reappeared on the slate. Biddy looked thoughtfully at it, + heard my explanation, looked thoughtfully at my sister, looked + thoughtfully at Joe (who was always represented on the slate by his + initial letter), and ran into the forge, followed by Joe and me. + </p> + <p> + "Why, of course!" cried Biddy, with an exultant face. "Don't you see? It's + <i>him</i>!" + </p> + <p> + Orlick, without a doubt! She had lost his name, and could only signify him + by his hammer. We told him why we wanted him to come into the kitchen, and + he slowly laid down his hammer, wiped his brow with his arm, took another + wipe at it with his apron, and came slouching out, with a curious loose + vagabond bend in the knees that strongly distinguished him. + </p> + <p> + I confess that I expected to see my sister denounce him, and that I was + disappointed by the different result. She manifested the greatest anxiety + to be on good terms with him, was evidently much pleased by his being at + length produced, and motioned that she would have him given something to + drink. She watched his countenance as if she were particularly wishful to + be assured that he took kindly to his reception, she showed every possible + desire to conciliate him, and there was an air of humble propitiation in + all she did, such as I have seen pervade the bearing of a child towards a + hard master. After that day, a day rarely passed without her drawing the + hammer on her slate, and without Orlick's slouching in and standing + doggedly before her, as if he knew no more than I did what to make of it. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0017" id="link2HCH0017"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XVII + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span> now fell into a regular routine of apprenticeship life, which was varied + beyond the limits of the village and the marshes, by no more remarkable + circumstance than the arrival of my birthday and my paying another visit + to Miss Havisham. I found Miss Sarah Pocket still on duty at the gate; I + found Miss Havisham just as I had left her, and she spoke of Estella in + the very same way, if not in the very same words. The interview lasted but + a few minutes, and she gave me a guinea when I was going, and told me to + come again on my next birthday. I may mention at once that this became an + annual custom. I tried to decline taking the guinea on the first occasion, + but with no better effect than causing her to ask me very angrily, if I + expected more? Then, and after that, I took it. + </p> + <p> + So unchanging was the dull old house, the yellow light in the darkened + room, the faded spectre in the chair by the dressing-table glass, that I + felt as if the stopping of the clocks had stopped Time in that mysterious + place, and, while I and everything else outside it grew older, it stood + still. Daylight never entered the house as to my thoughts and remembrances + of it, any more than as to the actual fact. It bewildered me, and under + its influence I continued at heart to hate my trade and to be ashamed of + home. + </p> + <p> + Imperceptibly I became conscious of a change in Biddy, however. Her shoes + came up at the heel, her hair grew bright and neat, her hands were always + clean. She was not beautiful,—she was common, and could not be like + Estella,—but she was pleasant and wholesome and sweet-tempered. She + had not been with us more than a year (I remember her being newly out of + mourning at the time it struck me), when I observed to myself one evening + that she had curiously thoughtful and attentive eyes; eyes that were very + pretty and very good. + </p> + <p> + It came of my lifting up my own eyes from a task I was poring at—writing + some passages from a book, to improve myself in two ways at once by a sort + of stratagem—and seeing Biddy observant of what I was about. I laid + down my pen, and Biddy stopped in her needlework without laying it down. + </p> + <p> + "Biddy," said I, "how do you manage it? Either I am very stupid, or you + are very clever." + </p> + <p> + "What is it that I manage? I don't know," returned Biddy, smiling. + </p> + <p> + She managed our whole domestic life, and wonderfully too; but I did not + mean that, though that made what I did mean more surprising. + </p> + <p> + "How do you manage, Biddy," said I, "to learn everything that I learn, and + always to keep up with me?" I was beginning to be rather vain of my + knowledge, for I spent my birthday guineas on it, and set aside the + greater part of my pocket-money for similar investment; though I have no + doubt, now, that the little I knew was extremely dear at the price. + </p> + <p> + "I might as well ask you," said Biddy, "how <i>you</i> manage?" + </p> + <p> + "No; because when I come in from the forge of a night, any one can see me + turning to at it. But you never turn to at it, Biddy." + </p> + <p> + "I suppose I must catch it like a cough," said Biddy, quietly; and went on + with her sewing. + </p> + <p> + Pursuing my idea as I leaned back in my wooden chair, and looked at Biddy + sewing away with her head on one side, I began to think her rather an + extraordinary girl. For I called to mind now, that she was equally + accomplished in the terms of our trade, and the names of our different + sorts of work, and our various tools. In short, whatever I knew, Biddy + knew. Theoretically, she was already as good a blacksmith as I, or better. + </p> + <p> + "You are one of those, Biddy," said I, "who make the most of every chance. + You never had a chance before you came here, and see how improved you + are!" + </p> + <p> + Biddy looked at me for an instant, and went on with her sewing. "I was + your first teacher though; wasn't I?" said she, as she sewed. + </p> + <p> + "Biddy!" I exclaimed, in amazement. "Why, you are crying!" + </p> + <p> + "No I am not," said Biddy, looking up and laughing. "What put that in your + head?" + </p> + <p> + What could have put it in my head but the glistening of a tear as it + dropped on her work? I sat silent, recalling what a drudge she had been + until Mr. Wopsle's great-aunt successfully overcame that bad habit of + living, so highly desirable to be got rid of by some people. I recalled + the hopeless circumstances by which she had been surrounded in the + miserable little shop and the miserable little noisy evening school, with + that miserable old bundle of incompetence always to be dragged and + shouldered. I reflected that even in those untoward times there must have + been latent in Biddy what was now developing, for, in my first uneasiness + and discontent I had turned to her for help, as a matter of course. Biddy + sat quietly sewing, shedding no more tears, and while I looked at her and + thought about it all, it occurred to me that perhaps I had not been + sufficiently grateful to Biddy. I might have been too reserved, and should + have patronized her more (though I did not use that precise word in my + meditations) with my confidence. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, Biddy," I observed, when I had done turning it over, "you were my + first teacher, and that at a time when we little thought of ever being + together like this, in this kitchen." + </p> + <p> + "Ah, poor thing!" replied Biddy. It was like her self-forgetfulness to + transfer the remark to my sister, and to get up and be busy about her, + making her more comfortable; "that's sadly true!" + </p> + <p> + "Well!" said I, "we must talk together a little more, as we used to do. + And I must consult you a little more, as I used to do. Let us have a quiet + walk on the marshes next Sunday, Biddy, and a long chat." + </p> + <p> + My sister was never left alone now; but Joe more than readily undertook + the care of her on that Sunday afternoon, and Biddy and I went out + together. It was summer-time, and lovely weather. When we had passed the + village and the church and the churchyard, and were out on the marshes and + began to see the sails of the ships as they sailed on, I began to combine + Miss Havisham and Estella with the prospect, in my usual way. When we came + to the river-side and sat down on the bank, with the water rippling at our + feet, making it all more quiet than it would have been without that sound, + I resolved that it was a good time and place for the admission of Biddy + into my inner confidence. + </p> + <p> + "Biddy," said I, after binding her to secrecy, "I want to be a gentleman." + </p> + <p> + "O, I wouldn't, if I was you!" she returned. "I don't think it would + answer." + </p> + <p> + "Biddy," said I, with some severity, "I have particular reasons for + wanting to be a gentleman." + </p> + <p> + "You know best, Pip; but don't you think you are happier as you are?" + </p> + <p> + "Biddy," I exclaimed, impatiently, "I am not at all happy as I am. I am + disgusted with my calling and with my life. I have never taken to either, + since I was bound. Don't be absurd." + </p> + <p> + "Was I absurd?" said Biddy, quietly raising her eyebrows; "I am sorry for + that; I didn't mean to be. I only want you to do well, and to be + comfortable." + </p> + <p> + "Well, then, understand once for all that I never shall or can be + comfortable—or anything but miserable—there, Biddy!—unless + I can lead a very different sort of life from the life I lead now." + </p> + <p> + "That's a pity!" said Biddy, shaking her head with a sorrowful air. + </p> + <p> + Now, I too had so often thought it a pity, that, in the singular kind of + quarrel with myself which I was always carrying on, I was half inclined to + shed tears of vexation and distress when Biddy gave utterance to her + sentiment and my own. I told her she was right, and I knew it was much to + be regretted, but still it was not to be helped. + </p> + <p> + "If I could have settled down," I said to Biddy, plucking up the short + grass within reach, much as I had once upon a time pulled my feelings out + of my hair and kicked them into the brewery wall,—"if I could have + settled down and been but half as fond of the forge as I was when I was + little, I know it would have been much better for me. You and I and Joe + would have wanted nothing then, and Joe and I would perhaps have gone + partners when I was out of my time, and I might even have grown up to keep + company with you, and we might have sat on this very bank on a fine + Sunday, quite different people. I should have been good enough for <i>you</i>; + shouldn't I, Biddy?" + </p> + <p> + Biddy sighed as she looked at the ships sailing on, and returned for + answer, "Yes; I am not over-particular." It scarcely sounded flattering, + but I knew she meant well. + </p> + <p> + "Instead of that," said I, plucking up more grass and chewing a blade or + two, "see how I am going on. Dissatisfied, and uncomfortable, and—what + would it signify to me, being coarse and common, if nobody had told me + so!" + </p> + <p> + Biddy turned her face suddenly towards mine, and looked far more + attentively at me than she had looked at the sailing ships. + </p> + <p> + "It was neither a very true nor a very polite thing to say," she remarked, + directing her eyes to the ships again. "Who said it?" + </p> + <p> + I was disconcerted, for I had broken away without quite seeing where I was + going to. It was not to be shuffled off now, however, and I answered, "The + beautiful young lady at Miss Havisham's, and she's more beautiful than + anybody ever was, and I admire her dreadfully, and I want to be a + gentleman on her account." Having made this lunatic confession, I began to + throw my torn-up grass into the river, as if I had some thoughts of + following it. + </p> + <p> + "Do you want to be a gentleman, to spite her or to gain her over?" Biddy + quietly asked me, after a pause. + </p> + <p> + "I don't know," I moodily answered. + </p> + <p> + "Because, if it is to spite her," Biddy pursued, "I should think—but + you know best—that might be better and more independently done by + caring nothing for her words. And if it is to gain her over, I should + think—but you know best—she was not worth gaining over." + </p> + <p> + Exactly what I myself had thought, many times. Exactly what was perfectly + manifest to me at the moment. But how could I, a poor dazed village lad, + avoid that wonderful inconsistency into which the best and wisest of men + fall every day? + </p> + <p> + "It may be all quite true," said I to Biddy, "but I admire her + dreadfully." + </p> + <p> + In short, I turned over on my face when I came to that, and got a good + grasp on the hair on each side of my head, and wrenched it well. All the + while knowing the madness of my heart to be so very mad and misplaced, + that I was quite conscious it would have served my face right, if I had + lifted it up by my hair, and knocked it against the pebbles as a + punishment for belonging to such an idiot. + </p> + <p> + Biddy was the wisest of girls, and she tried to reason no more with me. + She put her hand, which was a comfortable hand though roughened by work, + upon my hands, one after another, and gently took them out of my hair. + Then she softly patted my shoulder in a soothing way, while with my face + upon my sleeve I cried a little,—exactly as I had done in the + brewery yard,—and felt vaguely convinced that I was very much + ill-used by somebody, or by everybody; I can't say which. + </p> + <p> + "I am glad of one thing," said Biddy, "and that is, that you have felt you + could give me your confidence, Pip. And I am glad of another thing, and + that is, that of course you know you may depend upon my keeping it and + always so far deserving it. If your first teacher (dear! such a poor one, + and so much in need of being taught herself!) had been your teacher at the + present time, she thinks she knows what lesson she would set. But it would + be a hard one to learn, and you have got beyond her, and it's of no use + now." So, with a quiet sigh for me, Biddy rose from the bank, and said, + with a fresh and pleasant change of voice, "Shall we walk a little + farther, or go home?" + </p> + <p> + "Biddy," I cried, getting up, putting my arm round her neck, and giving + her a kiss, "I shall always tell you everything." + </p> + <p> + "Till you're a gentleman," said Biddy. + </p> + <p> + "You know I never shall be, so that's always. Not that I have any occasion + to tell you anything, for you know everything I know,—as I told you + at home the other night." + </p> + <p> + "Ah!" said Biddy, quite in a whisper, as she looked away at the ships. And + then repeated, with her former pleasant change, "shall we walk a little + farther, or go home?" + </p> + <p> + I said to Biddy we would walk a little farther, and we did so, and the + summer afternoon toned down into the summer evening, and it was very + beautiful. I began to consider whether I was not more naturally and + wholesomely situated, after all, in these circumstances, than playing + beggar my neighbor by candle-light in the room with the stopped clocks, + and being despised by Estella. I thought it would be very good for me if I + could get her out of my head, with all the rest of those remembrances and + fancies, and could go to work determined to relish what I had to do, and + stick to it, and make the best of it. I asked myself the question whether + I did not surely know that if Estella were beside me at that moment + instead of Biddy, she would make me miserable? I was obliged to admit that + I did know it for a certainty, and I said to myself, "Pip, what a fool you + are!" + </p> + <p> + We talked a good deal as we walked, and all that Biddy said seemed right. + Biddy was never insulting, or capricious, or Biddy to-day and somebody + else to-morrow; she would have derived only pain, and no pleasure, from + giving me pain; she would far rather have wounded her own breast than + mine. How could it be, then, that I did not like her much the better of + the two? + </p> + <p> + "Biddy," said I, when we were walking homeward, "I wish you could put me + right." + </p> + <p> + "I wish I could!" said Biddy. + </p> + <p> + "If I could only get myself to fall in love with you,—you don't mind + my speaking so openly to such an old acquaintance?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh dear, not at all!" said Biddy. "Don't mind me." + </p> + <p> + "If I could only get myself to do it, <i>that</i> would be the thing for me." + </p> + <p> + "But you never will, you see," said Biddy. + </p> + <p> + It did not appear quite so unlikely to me that evening, as it would have + done if we had discussed it a few hours before. I therefore observed I was + not quite sure of that. But Biddy said she <i>was</i>, and she said it + decisively. In my heart I believed her to be right; and yet I took it + rather ill, too, that she should be so positive on the point. + </p> + <p> + When we came near the churchyard, we had to cross an embankment, and get + over a stile near a sluice-gate. There started up, from the gate, or from + the rushes, or from the ooze (which was quite in his stagnant way), Old + Orlick. + </p> + <p> + "Halloa!" he growled, "where are you two going?" + </p> + <p> + "Where should we be going, but home?" + </p> + <p> + "Well, then," said he, "I'm jiggered if I don't see you home!" + </p> + <p> + This penalty of being jiggered was a favorite supposititious case of his. + He attached no definite meaning to the word that I am aware of, but used + it, like his own pretended Christian name, to affront mankind, and convey + an idea of something savagely damaging. When I was younger, I had had a + general belief that if he had jiggered me personally, he would have done + it with a sharp and twisted hook. + </p> + <p> + Biddy was much against his going with us, and said to me in a whisper, + "Don't let him come; I don't like him." As I did not like him either, I + took the liberty of saying that we thanked him, but we didn't want seeing + home. He received that piece of information with a yell of laughter, and + dropped back, but came slouching after us at a little distance. + </p> + <p> + Curious to know whether Biddy suspected him of having had a hand in that + murderous attack of which my sister had never been able to give any + account, I asked her why she did not like him. + </p> + <p> + "Oh!" she replied, glancing over her shoulder as he slouched after us, + "because I—I am afraid he likes me." + </p> + <p> + "Did he ever tell you he liked you?" I asked indignantly. + </p> + <p> + "No," said Biddy, glancing over her shoulder again, "he never told me so; + but he dances at me, whenever he can catch my eye." + </p> + <p> + However novel and peculiar this testimony of attachment, I did not doubt + the accuracy of the interpretation. I was very hot indeed upon Old + Orlick's daring to admire her; as hot as if it were an outrage on myself. + </p> + <p> + "But it makes no difference to you, you know," said Biddy, calmly. + </p> + <p> + "No, Biddy, it makes no difference to me; only I don't like it; I don't + approve of it." + </p> + <p> + "Nor I neither," said Biddy. "Though <i>that</i> makes no difference to you." + </p> + <p> + "Exactly," said I; "but I must tell you I should have no opinion of you, + Biddy, if he danced at you with your own consent." + </p> + <p> + I kept an eye on Orlick after that night, and, whenever circumstances were + favorable to his dancing at Biddy, got before him to obscure that + demonstration. He had struck root in Joe's establishment, by reason of my + sister's sudden fancy for him, or I should have tried to get him + dismissed. He quite understood and reciprocated my good intentions, as I + had reason to know thereafter. + </p> + <p> + And now, because my mind was not confused enough before, I complicated its + confusion fifty thousand-fold, by having states and seasons when I was + clear that Biddy was immeasurably better than Estella, and that the plain + honest working life to which I was born had nothing in it to be ashamed + of, but offered me sufficient means of self-respect and happiness. At + those times, I would decide conclusively that my disaffection to dear old + Joe and the forge was gone, and that I was growing up in a fair way to be + partners with Joe and to keep company with Biddy,—when all in a + moment some confounding remembrance of the Havisham days would fall upon + me like a destructive missile, and scatter my wits again. Scattered wits + take a long time picking up; and often before I had got them well + together, they would be dispersed in all directions by one stray thought, + that perhaps after all Miss Havisham was going to make my fortune when my + time was out. + </p> + <p> + If my time had run out, it would have left me still at the height of my + perplexities, I dare say. It never did run out, however, but was brought + to a premature end, as I proceed to relate. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0018" id="link2HCH0018"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XVIII + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span>t was in the fourth year of my apprenticeship to Joe, and it was a + Saturday night. There was a group assembled round the fire at the Three + Jolly Bargemen, attentive to Mr. Wopsle as he read the newspaper aloud. Of + that group I was one. + </p> + <p> + A highly popular murder had been committed, and Mr. Wopsle was imbrued in + blood to the eyebrows. He gloated over every abhorrent adjective in the + description, and identified himself with every witness at the Inquest. He + faintly moaned, "I am done for," as the victim, and he barbarously + bellowed, "I'll serve you out," as the murderer. He gave the medical + testimony, in pointed imitation of our local practitioner; and he piped + and shook, as the aged turnpike-keeper who had heard blows, to an extent + so very paralytic as to suggest a doubt regarding the mental competency of + that witness. The coroner, in Mr. Wopsle's hands, became Timon of Athens; + the beadle, Coriolanus. He enjoyed himself thoroughly, and we all enjoyed + ourselves, and were delightfully comfortable. In this cosey state of mind + we came to the verdict Wilful Murder. + </p> + <p> + Then, and not sooner, I became aware of a strange gentleman leaning over + the back of the settle opposite me, looking on. There was an expression of + contempt on his face, and he bit the side of a great forefinger as he + watched the group of faces. + </p> + <p> + "Well!" said the stranger to Mr. Wopsle, when the reading was done, "you + have settled it all to your own satisfaction, I have no doubt?" + </p> + <p> + Everybody started and looked up, as if it were the murderer. He looked at + everybody coldly and sarcastically. + </p> + <p> + "Guilty, of course?" said he. "Out with it. Come!" + </p> + <p> + "Sir," returned Mr. Wopsle, "without having the honor of your + acquaintance, I do say Guilty." Upon this we all took courage to unite in + a confirmatory murmur. + </p> + <p> + "I know you do," said the stranger; "I knew you would. I told you so. But + now I'll ask you a question. Do you know, or do you not know, that the law + of England supposes every man to be innocent, until he is proved-proved—to + be guilty?" + </p> + <p> + "Sir," Mr. Wopsle began to reply, "as an Englishman myself, I—" + </p> + <p> + "Come!" said the stranger, biting his forefinger at him. "Don't evade the + question. Either you know it, or you don't know it. Which is it to be?" + </p> + <p> + He stood with his head on one side and himself on one side, in a bullying, + interrogative manner, and he threw his forefinger at Mr. Wopsle,—as + it were to mark him out—before biting it again. + </p> + <p> + "Now!" said he. "Do you know it, or don't you know it?" + </p> + <p> + "Certainly I know it," replied Mr. Wopsle. + </p> + <p> + "Certainly you know it. Then why didn't you say so at first? Now, I'll ask + you another question,"—taking possession of Mr. Wopsle, as if he had + a right to him,—"<i>do</i> you know that none of these witnesses have yet + been cross-examined?" + </p> + <p> + Mr. Wopsle was beginning, "I can only say—" when the stranger + stopped him. + </p> + <p> + "What? You won't answer the question, yes or no? Now, I'll try you again." + Throwing his finger at him again. "Attend to me. Are you aware, or are you + not aware, that none of these witnesses have yet been cross-examined? + Come, I only want one word from you. Yes, or no?" + </p> + <p> + Mr. Wopsle hesitated, and we all began to conceive rather a poor opinion + of him. + </p> + <p> + "Come!" said the stranger, "I'll help you. You don't deserve help, but + I'll help you. Look at that paper you hold in your hand. What is it?" + </p> + <p> + "What is it?" repeated Mr. Wopsle, eyeing it, much at a loss. + </p> + <p> + "Is it," pursued the stranger in his most sarcastic and suspicious manner, + "the printed paper you have just been reading from?" + </p> + <p> + "Undoubtedly." + </p> + <p> + "Undoubtedly. Now, turn to that paper, and tell me whether it distinctly + states that the prisoner expressly said that his legal advisers instructed + him altogether to reserve his defence?" + </p> + <p> + "I read that just now," Mr. Wopsle pleaded. + </p> + <p> + "Never mind what you read just now, sir; I don't ask you what you read + just now. You may read the Lord's Prayer backwards, if you like,—and, + perhaps, have done it before to-day. Turn to the paper. No, no, no my + friend; not to the top of the column; you know better than that; to the + bottom, to the bottom." (We all began to think Mr. Wopsle full of + subterfuge.) "Well? Have you found it?" + </p> + <p> + "Here it is," said Mr. Wopsle. + </p> + <p> + "Now, follow that passage with your eye, and tell me whether it distinctly + states that the prisoner expressly said that he was instructed by his + legal advisers wholly to reserve his defence? Come! Do you make that of + it?" + </p> + <p> + Mr. Wopsle answered, "Those are not the exact words." + </p> + <p> + "Not the exact words!" repeated the gentleman bitterly. "Is that the exact + substance?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes," said Mr. Wopsle. + </p> + <p> + "Yes," repeated the stranger, looking round at the rest of the company + with his right hand extended towards the witness, Wopsle. "And now I ask + you what you say to the conscience of that man who, with that passage + before his eyes, can lay his head upon his pillow after having pronounced + a fellow-creature guilty, unheard?" + </p> + <p> + We all began to suspect that Mr. Wopsle was not the man we had thought + him, and that he was beginning to be found out. + </p> + <p> + "And that same man, remember," pursued the gentleman, throwing his finger + at Mr. Wopsle heavily,—"that same man might be summoned as a juryman + upon this very trial, and, having thus deeply committed himself, might + return to the bosom of his family and lay his head upon his pillow, after + deliberately swearing that he would well and truly try the issue joined + between Our Sovereign Lord the King and the prisoner at the bar, and would + a true verdict give according to the evidence, so help him God!" + </p> + <p> + We were all deeply persuaded that the unfortunate Wopsle had gone too far, + and had better stop in his reckless career while there was yet time. + </p> + <p> + The strange gentleman, with an air of authority not to be disputed, and + with a manner expressive of knowing something secret about every one of us + that would effectually do for each individual if he chose to disclose it, + left the back of the settle, and came into the space between the two + settles, in front of the fire, where he remained standing, his left hand + in his pocket, and he biting the forefinger of his right. + </p> + <p> + "From information I have received," said he, looking round at us as we all + quailed before him, "I have reason to believe there is a blacksmith among + you, by name Joseph—or Joe—Gargery. Which is the man?" + </p> + <p> + "Here is the man," said Joe. + </p> + <p> + The strange gentleman beckoned him out of his place, and Joe went. + </p> + <p> + "You have an apprentice," pursued the stranger, "commonly known as Pip? Is + he here?" + </p> + <p> + "I am here!" I cried. + </p> + <p> + The stranger did not recognize me, but I recognized him as the gentleman I + had met on the stairs, on the occasion of my second visit to Miss + Havisham. I had known him the moment I saw him looking over the settle, + and now that I stood confronting him with his hand upon my shoulder, I + checked off again in detail his large head, his dark complexion, his + deep-set eyes, his bushy black eyebrows, his large watch-chain, his strong + black dots of beard and whisker, and even the smell of scented soap on his + great hand. + </p> + <p> + "I wish to have a private conference with you two," said he, when he had + surveyed me at his leisure. "It will take a little time. Perhaps we had + better go to your place of residence. I prefer not to anticipate my + communication here; you will impart as much or as little of it as you + please to your friends afterwards; I have nothing to do with that." + </p> + <p> + Amidst a wondering silence, we three walked out of the Jolly Bargemen, and + in a wondering silence walked home. While going along, the strange + gentleman occasionally looked at me, and occasionally bit the side of his + finger. As we neared home, Joe vaguely acknowledging the occasion as an + impressive and ceremonious one, went on ahead to open the front door. Our + conference was held in the state parlor, which was feebly lighted by one + candle. + </p> + <p> + It began with the strange gentleman's sitting down at the table, drawing + the candle to him, and looking over some entries in his pocket-book. He + then put up the pocket-book and set the candle a little aside, after + peering round it into the darkness at Joe and me, to ascertain which was + which. + </p> + <p> + "My name," he said, "is Jaggers, and I am a lawyer in London. I am pretty + well known. I have unusual business to transact with you, and I commence + by explaining that it is not of my originating. If my advice had been + asked, I should not have been here. It was not asked, and you see me here. + What I have to do as the confidential agent of another, I do. No less, no + more." + </p> + <p> + Finding that he could not see us very well from where he sat, he got up, + and threw one leg over the back of a chair and leaned upon it; thus having + one foot on the seat of the chair, and one foot on the ground. + </p> + <p> + "Now, Joseph Gargery, I am the bearer of an offer to relieve you of this + young fellow your apprentice. You would not object to cancel his + indentures at his request and for his good? You would want nothing for so + doing?" + </p> + <p> + "Lord forbid that I should want anything for not standing in Pip's way," + said Joe, staring. + </p> + <p> + "Lord forbidding is pious, but not to the purpose," returned Mr. Jaggers. + "The question is, Would you want anything? Do you want anything?" + </p> + <p> + "The answer is," returned Joe, sternly, "No." + </p> + <p> + I thought Mr. Jaggers glanced at Joe, as if he considered him a fool for + his disinterestedness. But I was too much bewildered between breathless + curiosity and surprise, to be sure of it. + </p> + <p> + "Very well," said Mr. Jaggers. "Recollect the admission you have made, and + don't try to go from it presently." + </p> + <p> + "Who's a going to try?" retorted Joe. + </p> + <p> + "I don't say anybody is. Do you keep a dog?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, I do keep a dog." + </p> + <p> + "Bear in mind then, that Brag is a good dog, but Holdfast is a better. + Bear that in mind, will you?" repeated Mr. Jaggers, shutting his eyes and + nodding his head at Joe, as if he were forgiving him something. "Now, I + return to this young fellow. And the communication I have got to make is, + that he has Great Expectations." + </p> + <p> + Joe and I gasped, and looked at one another. + </p> + <p> + "I am instructed to communicate to him," said Mr. Jaggers, throwing his + finger at me sideways, "that he will come into a handsome property. + Further, that it is the desire of the present possessor of that property, + that he be immediately removed from his present sphere of life and from + this place, and be brought up as a gentleman,—in a word, as a young + fellow of great expectations." + </p> + <p> + My dream was out; my wild fancy was surpassed by sober reality; Miss + Havisham was going to make my fortune on a grand scale. + </p> + <p> + "Now, Mr. Pip," pursued the lawyer, "I address the rest of what I have to + say, to you. You are to understand, first, that it is the request of the + person from whom I take my instructions that you always bear the name of + Pip. You will have no objection, I dare say, to your great expectations + being encumbered with that easy condition. But if you have any objection, + this is the time to mention it." + </p> + <p> + My heart was beating so fast, and there was such a singing in my ears, + that I could scarcely stammer I had no objection. + </p> + <p> + "I should think not! Now you are to understand, secondly, Mr. Pip, that + the name of the person who is your liberal benefactor remains a profound + secret, until the person chooses to reveal it. I am empowered to mention + that it is the intention of the person to reveal it at first hand by word + of mouth to yourself. When or where that intention may be carried out, I + cannot say; no one can say. It may be years hence. Now, you are distinctly + to understand that you are most positively prohibited from making any + inquiry on this head, or any allusion or reference, however distant, to + any individual whomsoever as <i>the</i> individual, in all the communications you + may have with me. If you have a suspicion in your own breast, keep that + suspicion in your own breast. It is not the least to the purpose what the + reasons of this prohibition are; they may be the strongest and gravest + reasons, or they may be mere whim. This is not for you to inquire into. + The condition is laid down. Your acceptance of it, and your observance of + it as binding, is the only remaining condition that I am charged with, by + the person from whom I take my instructions, and for whom I am not + otherwise responsible. That person is the person from whom you derive your + expectations, and the secret is solely held by that person and by me. + Again, not a very difficult condition with which to encumber such a rise + in fortune; but if you have any objection to it, this is the time to + mention it. Speak out." + </p> + <p> + Once more, I stammered with difficulty that I had no objection. + </p> + <p> + "I should think not! Now, Mr. Pip, I have done with stipulations." Though + he called me Mr. Pip, and began rather to make up to me, he still could + not get rid of a certain air of bullying suspicion; and even now he + occasionally shut his eyes and threw his finger at me while he spoke, as + much as to express that he knew all kinds of things to my disparagement, + if he only chose to mention them. "We come next, to mere details of + arrangement. You must know that, although I have used the term + 'expectations' more than once, you are not endowed with expectations only. + There is already lodged in my hands a sum of money amply sufficient for + your suitable education and maintenance. You will please consider me your + guardian. Oh!" for I was going to thank him, "I tell you at once, I am + paid for my services, or I shouldn't render them. It is considered that + you must be better educated, in accordance with your altered position, and + that you will be alive to the importance and necessity of at once entering + on that advantage." + </p> + <p> + I said I had always longed for it. + </p> + <p> + "Never mind what you have always longed for, Mr. Pip," he retorted; "keep + to the record. If you long for it now, that's enough. Am I answered that + you are ready to be placed at once under some proper tutor? Is that it?" + </p> + <p> + I stammered yes, that was it. + </p> + <p> + "Good. Now, your inclinations are to be consulted. I don't think that + wise, mind, but it's my trust. Have you ever heard of any tutor whom you + would prefer to another?" + </p> + <p> + I had never heard of any tutor but Biddy and Mr. Wopsle's great-aunt; so, + I replied in the negative. + </p> + <p> + "There is a certain tutor, of whom I have some knowledge, who I think + might suit the purpose," said Mr. Jaggers. "I don't recommend him, + observe; because I never recommend anybody. The gentleman I speak of is + one Mr. Matthew Pocket." + </p> + <p> + Ah! I caught at the name directly. Miss Havisham's relation. The Matthew + whom Mr. and Mrs. Camilla had spoken of. The Matthew whose place was to be + at Miss Havisham's head, when she lay dead, in her bride's dress on the + bride's table. + </p> + <p> + "You know the name?" said Mr. Jaggers, looking shrewdly at me, and then + shutting up his eyes while he waited for my answer. + </p> + <p> + My answer was, that I had heard of the name. + </p> + <p> + "Oh!" said he. "You have heard of the name. But the question is, what do + you say of it?" + </p> + <p> + I said, or tried to say, that I was much obliged to him for his + recommendation— + </p> + <p> + "No, my young friend!" he interrupted, shaking his great head very slowly. + "Recollect yourself!" + </p> + <p> + Not recollecting myself, I began again that I was much obliged to him for + his recommendation— + </p> + <p> + "No, my young friend," he interrupted, shaking his head and frowning and + smiling both at once,—"no, no, no; it's very well done, but it won't + do; you are too young to fix me with it. Recommendation is not the word, + Mr. Pip. Try another." + </p> + <p> + Correcting myself, I said that I was much obliged to him for his mention + of Mr. Matthew Pocket— + </p> + <p> + "<i>That</i>'s more like it!" cried Mr. Jaggers.—And (I added), I would + gladly try that gentleman. + </p> + <p> + "Good. You had better try him in his own house. The way shall be prepared + for you, and you can see his son first, who is in London. When will you + come to London?" + </p> + <p> + I said (glancing at Joe, who stood looking on, motionless), that I + supposed I could come directly. + </p> + <p> + "First," said Mr. Jaggers, "you should have some new clothes to come in, + and they should not be working-clothes. Say this day week. You'll want + some money. Shall I leave you twenty guineas?" + </p> + <p> + He produced a long purse, with the greatest coolness, and counted them out + on the table and pushed them over to me. This was the first time he had + taken his leg from the chair. He sat astride of the chair when he had + pushed the money over, and sat swinging his purse and eyeing Joe. + </p> + <p> + "Well, Joseph Gargery? You look dumbfoundered?" + </p> + <p> + "I <i>am</i>!" said Joe, in a very decided manner. + </p> + <p> + "It was understood that you wanted nothing for yourself, remember?" + </p> + <p> + "It were understood," said Joe. "And it are understood. And it ever will + be similar according." + </p> + <p> + "But what," said Mr. Jaggers, swinging his purse,—"what if it was in + my instructions to make you a present, as compensation?" + </p> + <p> + "As compensation what for?" Joe demanded. + </p> + <p> + "For the loss of his services." + </p> + <p> + Joe laid his hand upon my shoulder with the touch of a woman. I have often + thought him since, like the steam-hammer that can crush a man or pat an + egg-shell, in his combination of strength with gentleness. "Pip is that + hearty welcome," said Joe, "to go free with his services, to honor and + fortun', as no words can tell him. But if you think as Money can make + compensation to me for the loss of the little child—what come to the + forge—and ever the best of friends!—" + </p> + <p> + O dear good Joe, whom I was so ready to leave and so unthankful to, I see + you again, with your muscular blacksmith's arm before your eyes, and your + broad chest heaving, and your voice dying away. O dear good faithful + tender Joe, I feel the loving tremble of your hand upon my arm, as + solemnly this day as if it had been the rustle of an angel's wing! + </p> + <p> + But I encouraged Joe at the time. I was lost in the mazes of my future + fortunes, and could not retrace the by-paths we had trodden together. I + begged Joe to be comforted, for (as he said) we had ever been the best of + friends, and (as I said) we ever would be so. Joe scooped his eyes with + his disengaged wrist, as if he were bent on gouging himself, but said not + another word. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Jaggers had looked on at this, as one who recognized in Joe the + village idiot, and in me his keeper. When it was over, he said, weighing + in his hand the purse he had ceased to swing:— + </p> + <p> + "Now, Joseph Gargery, I warn you this is your last chance. No half + measures with me. If you mean to take a present that I have it in charge + to make you, speak out, and you shall have it. If on the contrary you mean + to say—" Here, to his great amazement, he was stopped by Joe's + suddenly working round him with every demonstration of a fell pugilistic + purpose. + </p> + <p> + "Which I meantersay," cried Joe, "that if you come into my place + bull-baiting and badgering me, come out! Which I meantersay as sech if + you're a man, come on! Which I meantersay that what I say, I meantersay + and stand or fall by!" + </p> + <p> + I drew Joe away, and he immediately became placable; merely stating to me, + in an obliging manner and as a polite expostulatory notice to any one whom + it might happen to concern, that he were not a going to be bull-baited and + badgered in his own place. Mr. Jaggers had risen when Joe demonstrated, + and had backed near the door. Without evincing any inclination to come in + again, he there delivered his valedictory remarks. They were these. + </p> + <p> + "Well, Mr. Pip, I think the sooner you leave here—as you are to be a + gentleman—the better. Let it stand for this day week, and you shall + receive my printed address in the meantime. You can take a hackney-coach + at the stage-coach office in London, and come straight to me. Understand, + that I express no opinion, one way or other, on the trust I undertake. I + am paid for undertaking it, and I do so. Now, understand that, finally. + Understand that!" + </p> + <p> + He was throwing his finger at both of us, and I think would have gone on, + but for his seeming to think Joe dangerous, and going off. + </p> + <p> + Something came into my head which induced me to run after him, as he was + going down to the Jolly Bargemen, where he had left a hired carriage. + </p> + <p> + "I beg your pardon, Mr. Jaggers." + </p> + <p> + "Halloa!" said he, facing round, "what's the matter?" + </p> + <p> + "I wish to be quite right, Mr. Jaggers, and to keep to your directions; so + I thought I had better ask. Would there be any objection to my taking + leave of any one I know, about here, before I go away?" + </p> + <p> + "No," said he, looking as if he hardly understood me. + </p> + <p> + "I don't mean in the village only, but up town?" + </p> + <p> + "No," said he. "No objection." + </p> + <p> + I thanked him and ran home again, and there I found that Joe had already + locked the front door and vacated the state parlor, and was seated by the + kitchen fire with a hand on each knee, gazing intently at the burning + coals. I too sat down before the fire and gazed at the coals, and nothing + was said for a long time. + </p> + <p> + My sister was in her cushioned chair in her corner, and Biddy sat at her + needle-work before the fire, and Joe sat next Biddy, and I sat next Joe in + the corner opposite my sister. The more I looked into the glowing coals, + the more incapable I became of looking at Joe; the longer the silence + lasted, the more unable I felt to speak. + </p> + <p> + At length I got out, "Joe, have you told Biddy?" + </p> + <p> + "No, Pip," returned Joe, still looking at the fire, and holding his knees + tight, as if he had private information that they intended to make off + somewhere, "which I left it to yourself, Pip." + </p> + <p> + "I would rather you told, Joe." + </p> + <p> + "Pip's a gentleman of fortun' then," said Joe, "and God bless him in it!" + </p> + <p> + Biddy dropped her work, and looked at me. Joe held his knees and looked at + me. I looked at both of them. After a pause, they both heartily + congratulated me; but there was a certain touch of sadness in their + congratulations that I rather resented. + </p> + <p> + I took it upon myself to impress Biddy (and through Biddy, Joe) with the + grave obligation I considered my friends under, to know nothing and say + nothing about the maker of my fortune. It would all come out in good time, + I observed, and in the meanwhile nothing was to be said, save that I had + come into great expectations from a mysterious patron. Biddy nodded her + head thoughtfully at the fire as she took up her work again, and said she + would be very particular; and Joe, still detaining his knees, said, "Ay, + ay, I'll be ekervally partickler, Pip;" and then they congratulated me + again, and went on to express so much wonder at the notion of my being a + gentleman that I didn't half like it. + </p> + <p> + Infinite pains were then taken by Biddy to convey to my sister some idea + of what had happened. To the best of my belief, those efforts entirely + failed. She laughed and nodded her head a great many times, and even + repeated after Biddy, the words "Pip" and "Property." But I doubt if they + had more meaning in them than an election cry, and I cannot suggest a + darker picture of her state of mind. + </p> + <p> + I never could have believed it without experience, but as Joe and Biddy + became more at their cheerful ease again, I became quite gloomy. + Dissatisfied with my fortune, of course I could not be; but it is possible + that I may have been, without quite knowing it, dissatisfied with myself. + </p> + <p> + Any how, I sat with my elbow on my knee and my face upon my hand, looking + into the fire, as those two talked about my going away, and about what + they should do without me, and all that. And whenever I caught one of them + looking at me, though never so pleasantly (and they often looked at me,—particularly + Biddy), I felt offended: as if they were expressing some mistrust of me. + Though Heaven knows they never did by word or sign. + </p> + <p> + At those times I would get up and look out at the door; for our kitchen + door opened at once upon the night, and stood open on summer evenings to + air the room. The very stars to which I then raised my eyes, I am afraid I + took to be but poor and humble stars for glittering on the rustic objects + among which I had passed my life. + </p> + <p> + "Saturday night," said I, when we sat at our supper of bread and cheese + and beer. "Five more days, and then the day before <i>the</i> day! They'll soon + go." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, Pip," observed Joe, whose voice sounded hollow in his beer-mug. + "They'll soon go." + </p> + <p> + "Soon, soon go," said Biddy. + </p> + <p> + "I have been thinking, Joe, that when I go down town on Monday, and order + my new clothes, I shall tell the tailor that I'll come and put them on + there, or that I'll have them sent to Mr. Pumblechook's. It would be very + disagreeable to be stared at by all the people here." + </p> + <p> + "Mr. and Mrs. Hubble might like to see you in your new gen-teel figure + too, Pip," said Joe, industriously cutting his bread, with his cheese on + it, in the palm of his left hand, and glancing at my untasted supper as if + he thought of the time when we used to compare slices. "So might Wopsle. + And the Jolly Bargemen might take it as a compliment." + </p> + <p> + "That's just what I don't want, Joe. They would make such a business of + it,—such a coarse and common business,—that I couldn't bear + myself." + </p> + <p> + "Ah, that indeed, Pip!" said Joe. "If you couldn't abear yourself—" + </p> + <p> + Biddy asked me here, as she sat holding my sister's plate, "Have you + thought about when you'll show yourself to Mr. Gargery, and your sister + and me? You will show yourself to us; won't you?" + </p> + <p> + "Biddy," I returned with some resentment, "you are so exceedingly quick + that it's difficult to keep up with you." + </p> + <p> + ("She always were quick," observed Joe.) + </p> + <p> + "If you had waited another moment, Biddy, you would have heard me say that + I shall bring my clothes here in a bundle one evening,—most likely + on the evening before I go away." + </p> + <p> + Biddy said no more. Handsomely forgiving her, I soon exchanged an + affectionate good night with her and Joe, and went up to bed. When I got + into my little room, I sat down and took a long look at it, as a mean + little room that I should soon be parted from and raised above, for ever. + It was furnished with fresh young remembrances too, and even at the same + moment I fell into much the same confused division of mind between it and + the better rooms to which I was going, as I had been in so often between + the forge and Miss Havisham's, and Biddy and Estella. + </p> + <p> + The sun had been shining brightly all day on the roof of my attic, and the + room was warm. As I put the window open and stood looking out, I saw Joe + come slowly forth at the dark door, below, and take a turn or two in the + air; and then I saw Biddy come, and bring him a pipe and light it for him. + He never smoked so late, and it seemed to hint to me that he wanted + comforting, for some reason or other. + </p> + <p> + He presently stood at the door immediately beneath me, smoking his pipe, + and Biddy stood there too, quietly talking to him, and I knew that they + talked of me, for I heard my name mentioned in an endearing tone by both + of them more than once. I would not have listened for more, if I could + have heard more; so I drew away from the window, and sat down in my one + chair by the bedside, feeling it very sorrowful and strange that this + first night of my bright fortunes should be the loneliest I had ever + known. + </p> + <p> + Looking towards the open window, I saw light wreaths from Joe's pipe + floating there, and I fancied it was like a blessing from Joe,—not + obtruded on me or paraded before me, but pervading the air we shared + together. I put my light out, and crept into bed; and it was an uneasy bed + now, and I never slept the old sound sleep in it any more. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0019" id="link2HCH0019"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XIX + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">M</span>orning made a considerable difference in my general prospect of Life, and + brightened it so much that it scarcely seemed the same. What lay heaviest + on my mind was, the consideration that six days intervened between me and + the day of departure; for I could not divest myself of a misgiving that + something might happen to London in the meanwhile, and that, when I got + there, it would be either greatly deteriorated or clean gone. + </p> + <p> + Joe and Biddy were very sympathetic and pleasant when I spoke of our + approaching separation; but they only referred to it when I did. After + breakfast, Joe brought out my indentures from the press in the best + parlor, and we put them in the fire, and I felt that I was free. With all + the novelty of my emancipation on me, I went to church with Joe, and + thought perhaps the clergyman wouldn't have read that about the rich man + and the kingdom of Heaven, if he had known all. + </p> + <p> + After our early dinner, I strolled out alone, purposing to finish off the + marshes at once, and get them done with. As I passed the church, I felt + (as I had felt during service in the morning) a sublime compassion for the + poor creatures who were destined to go there, Sunday after Sunday, all + their lives through, and to lie obscurely at last among the low green + mounds. I promised myself that I would do something for them one of these + days, and formed a plan in outline for bestowing a dinner of roast-beef + and plum-pudding, a pint of ale, and a gallon of condescension, upon + everybody in the village. + </p> + <p> + If I had often thought before, with something allied to shame, of my + companionship with the fugitive whom I had once seen limping among those + graves, what were my thoughts on this Sunday, when the place recalled the + wretch, ragged and shivering, with his felon iron and badge! My comfort + was, that it happened a long time ago, and that he had doubtless been + transported a long way off, and that he was dead to me, and might be + veritably dead into the bargain. + </p> + <p> + No more low, wet grounds, no more dikes and sluices, no more of these + grazing cattle,—though they seemed, in their dull manner, to wear a + more respectful air now, and to face round, in order that they might stare + as long as possible at the possessor of such great expectations,—farewell, + monotonous acquaintances of my childhood, henceforth I was for London and + greatness; not for smith's work in general, and for you! I made my + exultant way to the old Battery, and, lying down there to consider the + question whether Miss Havisham intended me for Estella, fell asleep. + </p> + <p> + When I awoke, I was much surprised to find Joe sitting beside me, smoking + his pipe. He greeted me with a cheerful smile on my opening my eyes, and + said,— + </p> + <p> + "As being the last time, Pip, I thought I'd foller." + </p> + <p> + "And Joe, I am very glad you did so." + </p> + <p> + "Thankee, Pip." + </p> + <p> + "You may be sure, dear Joe," I went on, after we had shaken hands, "that I + shall never forget you." + </p> + <p> + "No, no, Pip!" said Joe, in a comfortable tone, "<i>I</i>'m sure of that. Ay, ay, + old chap! Bless you, it were only necessary to get it well round in a + man's mind, to be certain on it. But it took a bit of time to get it well + round, the change come so oncommon plump; didn't it?" + </p> + <p> + Somehow, I was not best pleased with Joe's being so mightily secure of me. + I should have liked him to have betrayed emotion, or to have said, "It + does you credit, Pip," or something of that sort. Therefore, I made no + remark on Joe's first head; merely saying as to his second, that the + tidings had indeed come suddenly, but that I had always wanted to be a + gentleman, and had often and often speculated on what I would do, if I + were one. + </p> + <p> + "Have you though?" said Joe. "Astonishing!" + </p> + <p> + "It's a pity now, Joe," said I, "that you did not get on a little more, + when we had our lessons here; isn't it?" + </p> + <p> + "Well, I don't know," returned Joe. "I'm so awful dull. I'm only master of + my own trade. It were always a pity as I was so awful dull; but it's no + more of a pity now, than it was—this day twelvemonth—don't you + see?" + </p> + <p> + What I had meant was, that when I came into my property and was able to do + something for Joe, it would have been much more agreeable if he had been + better qualified for a rise in station. He was so perfectly innocent of my + meaning, however, that I thought I would mention it to Biddy in + preference. + </p> + <p> + So, when we had walked home and had had tea, I took Biddy into our little + garden by the side of the lane, and, after throwing out in a general way + for the elevation of her spirits, that I should never forget her, said I + had a favor to ask of her. + </p> + <p> + "And it is, Biddy," said I, "that you will not omit any opportunity of + helping Joe on, a little." + </p> + <p> + "How helping him on?" asked Biddy, with a steady sort of glance. + </p> + <p> + "Well! Joe is a dear good fellow,—in fact, I think he is the dearest + fellow that ever lived,—but he is rather backward in some things. + For instance, Biddy, in his learning and his manners." + </p> + <p> + Although I was looking at Biddy as I spoke, and although she opened her + eyes very wide when I had spoken, she did not look at me. + </p> + <p> + "O, his manners! won't his manners do then?" asked Biddy, plucking a + black-currant leaf. + </p> + <p> + "My dear Biddy, they do very well here—" + </p> + <p> + "O! they <i>do</i> very well here?" interrupted Biddy, looking closely at the + leaf in her hand. + </p> + <p> + "Hear me out,—but if I were to remove Joe into a higher sphere, as I + shall hope to remove him when I fully come into my property, they would + hardly do him justice." + </p> + <p> + "And don't you think he knows that?" asked Biddy. + </p> + <p> + It was such a very provoking question (for it had never in the most + distant manner occurred to me), that I said, snappishly,— + </p> + <p> + "Biddy, what do you mean?" + </p> + <p> + Biddy, having rubbed the leaf to pieces between her hands,—and the + smell of a black-currant bush has ever since recalled to me that evening + in the little garden by the side of the lane,—said, "Have you never + considered that he may be proud?" + </p> + <p> + "Proud?" I repeated, with disdainful emphasis. + </p> + <p> + "O! there are many kinds of pride," said Biddy, looking full at me and + shaking her head; "pride is not all of one kind—" + </p> + <p> + "Well? What are you stopping for?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "Not all of one kind," resumed Biddy. "He may be too proud to let any one + take him out of a place that he is competent to fill, and fills well and + with respect. To tell you the truth, I think he is; though it sounds bold + in me to say so, for you must know him far better than I do." + </p> + <p> + "Now, Biddy," said I, "I am very sorry to see this in you. I did not + expect to see this in you. You are envious, Biddy, and grudging. You are + dissatisfied on account of my rise in fortune, and you can't help showing + it." + </p> + <p> + "If you have the heart to think so," returned Biddy, "say so. Say so over + and over again, if you have the heart to think so." + </p> + <p> + "If you have the heart to be so, you mean, Biddy," said I, in a virtuous + and superior tone; "don't put it off upon me. I am very sorry to see it, + and it's a—it's a bad side of human nature. I did intend to ask you + to use any little opportunities you might have after I was gone, of + improving dear Joe. But after this I ask you nothing. I am extremely sorry + to see this in you, Biddy," I repeated. "It's a—it's a bad side of + human nature." + </p> + <p> + "Whether you scold me or approve of me," returned poor Biddy, "you may + equally depend upon my trying to do all that lies in my power, here, at + all times. And whatever opinion you take away of me, shall make no + difference in my remembrance of you. Yet a gentleman should not be unjust + neither," said Biddy, turning away her head. + </p> + <p> + I again warmly repeated that it was a bad side of human nature (in which + sentiment, waiving its application, I have since seen reason to think I + was right), and I walked down the little path away from Biddy, and Biddy + went into the house, and I went out at the garden gate and took a dejected + stroll until supper-time; again feeling it very sorrowful and strange that + this, the second night of my bright fortunes, should be as lonely and + unsatisfactory as the first. + </p> + <p> + But, morning once more brightened my view, and I extended my clemency to + Biddy, and we dropped the subject. Putting on the best clothes I had, I + went into town as early as I could hope to find the shops open, and + presented myself before Mr. Trabb, the tailor, who was having his + breakfast in the parlor behind his shop, and who did not think it worth + his while to come out to me, but called me in to him. + </p> + <p> + "Well!" said Mr. Trabb, in a hail-fellow-well-met kind of way. "How are + you, and what can I do for you?" + </p> + <p> + Mr. Trabb had sliced his hot roll into three feather-beds, and was + slipping butter in between the blankets, and covering it up. He was a + prosperous old bachelor, and his open window looked into a prosperous + little garden and orchard, and there was a prosperous iron safe let into + the wall at the side of his fireplace, and I did not doubt that heaps of + his prosperity were put away in it in bags. + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Trabb," said I, "it's an unpleasant thing to have to mention, because + it looks like boasting; but I have come into a handsome property." + </p> + <p> + A change passed over Mr. Trabb. He forgot the butter in bed, got up from + the bedside, and wiped his fingers on the tablecloth, exclaiming, "Lord + bless my soul!" + </p> + <p> + "I am going up to my guardian in London," said I, casually drawing some + guineas out of my pocket and looking at them; "and I want a fashionable + suit of clothes to go in. I wish to pay for them," I added—otherwise + I thought he might only pretend to make them, "with ready money." + </p> + <p> + "My dear sir," said Mr. Trabb, as he respectfully bent his body, opened + his arms, and took the liberty of touching me on the outside of each + elbow, "don't hurt me by mentioning that. May I venture to congratulate + you? Would you do me the favor of stepping into the shop?" + </p> + <p> + Mr. Trabb's boy was the most audacious boy in all that country-side. When + I had entered he was sweeping the shop, and he had sweetened his labors by + sweeping over me. He was still sweeping when I came out into the shop with + Mr. Trabb, and he knocked the broom against all possible corners and + obstacles, to express (as I understood it) equality with any blacksmith, + alive or dead. + </p> + <p> + "Hold that noise," said Mr. Trabb, with the greatest sternness, "or I'll + knock your head off!—Do me the favor to be seated, sir. Now, this," + said Mr. Trabb, taking down a roll of cloth, and tiding it out in a + flowing manner over the counter, preparatory to getting his hand under it + to show the gloss, "is a very sweet article. I can recommend it for your + purpose, sir, because it really is extra super. But you shall see some + others. Give me Number Four, you!" (To the boy, and with a dreadfully + severe stare; foreseeing the danger of that miscreant's brushing me with + it, or making some other sign of familiarity.) + </p> + <p> + Mr. Trabb never removed his stern eye from the boy until he had deposited + number four on the counter and was at a safe distance again. Then he + commanded him to bring number five, and number eight. "And let me have + none of your tricks here," said Mr. Trabb, "or you shall repent it, you + young scoundrel, the longest day you have to live." + </p> + <p> + Mr. Trabb then bent over number four, and in a sort of deferential + confidence recommended it to me as a light article for summer wear, an + article much in vogue among the nobility and gentry, an article that it + would ever be an honor to him to reflect upon a distinguished + fellow-townsman's (if he might claim me for a fellow-townsman) having + worn. "Are you bringing numbers five and eight, you vagabond," said Mr. + Trabb to the boy after that, "or shall I kick you out of the shop and + bring them myself?" + </p> + <p> + I selected the materials for a suit, with the assistance of Mr. Trabb's + judgment, and re-entered the parlor to be measured. For although Mr. Trabb + had my measure already, and had previously been quite contented with it, + he said apologetically that it "wouldn't do under existing circumstances, + sir,—wouldn't do at all." So, Mr. Trabb measured and calculated me + in the parlor, as if I were an estate and he the finest species of + surveyor, and gave himself such a world of trouble that I felt that no + suit of clothes could possibly remunerate him for his pains. When he had + at last done and had appointed to send the articles to Mr. Pumblechook's + on the Thursday evening, he said, with his hand upon the parlor lock, "I + know, sir, that London gentlemen cannot be expected to patronize local + work, as a rule; but if you would give me a turn now and then in the + quality of a townsman, I should greatly esteem it. Good morning, sir, much + obliged.—Door!" + </p> + <p> + The last word was flung at the boy, who had not the least notion what it + meant. But I saw him collapse as his master rubbed me out with his hands, + and my first decided experience of the stupendous power of money was, that + it had morally laid upon his back Trabb's boy. + </p> + <p> + After this memorable event, I went to the hatter's, and the bootmaker's, + and the hosier's, and felt rather like Mother Hubbard's dog whose outfit + required the services of so many trades. I also went to the coach-office + and took my place for seven o'clock on Saturday morning. It was not + necessary to explain everywhere that I had come into a handsome property; + but whenever I said anything to that effect, it followed that the + officiating tradesman ceased to have his attention diverted through the + window by the High Street, and concentrated his mind upon me. When I had + ordered everything I wanted, I directed my steps towards Pumblechook's, + and, as I approached that gentleman's place of business, I saw him + standing at his door. + </p> + <p> + He was waiting for me with great impatience. He had been out early with + the chaise-cart, and had called at the forge and heard the news. He had + prepared a collation for me in the Barnwell parlor, and he too ordered his + shopman to "come out of the gangway" as my sacred person passed. + </p> + <p> + "My dear friend," said Mr. Pumblechook, taking me by both hands, when he + and I and the collation were alone, "I give you joy of your good fortune. + Well deserved, well deserved!" + </p> + <p> + This was coming to the point, and I thought it a sensible way of + expressing himself. + </p> + <p> + "To think," said Mr. Pumblechook, after snorting admiration at me for some + moments, "that I should have been the humble instrument of leading up to + this, is a proud reward." + </p> + <p> + I begged Mr. Pumblechook to remember that nothing was to be ever said or + hinted, on that point. + </p> + <p> + "My dear young friend," said Mr. Pumblechook; "if you will allow me to + call you so—" + </p> + <p> + I murmured "Certainly," and Mr. Pumblechook took me by both hands again, + and communicated a movement to his waistcoat, which had an emotional + appearance, though it was rather low down, "My dear young friend, rely + upon my doing my little all in your absence, by keeping the fact before + the mind of Joseph.—Joseph!" said Mr. Pumblechook, in the way of a + compassionate adjuration. "Joseph!! Joseph!!!" Thereupon he shook his head + and tapped it, expressing his sense of deficiency in Joseph. + </p> + <p> + "But my dear young friend," said Mr. Pumblechook, "you must be hungry, you + must be exhausted. Be seated. Here is a chicken had round from the Boar, + here is a tongue had round from the Boar, here's one or two little things + had round from the Boar, that I hope you may not despise. But do I," said + Mr. Pumblechook, getting up again the moment after he had sat down, "see + afore me, him as I ever sported with in his times of happy infancy? And + may I—<i>may</i> I—?" + </p> + <p> + This May I, meant might he shake hands? I consented, and he was fervent, + and then sat down again. + </p> + <p> + "Here is wine," said Mr. Pumblechook. "Let us drink, Thanks to Fortune, + and may she ever pick out her favorites with equal judgment! And yet I + cannot," said Mr. Pumblechook, getting up again, "see afore me One—and + likewise drink to One—without again expressing—May I—<i>may</i> + I—?" + </p> + <p> + I said he might, and he shook hands with me again, and emptied his glass + and turned it upside down. I did the same; and if I had turned myself + upside down before drinking, the wine could not have gone more direct to + my head. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Pumblechook helped me to the liver wing, and to the best slice of + tongue (none of those out-of-the-way No Thoroughfares of Pork now), and + took, comparatively speaking, no care of himself at all. "Ah! poultry, + poultry! You little thought," said Mr. Pumblechook, apostrophizing the + fowl in the dish, "when you was a young fledgling, what was in store for + you. You little thought you was to be refreshment beneath this humble roof + for one as—Call it a weakness, if you will," said Mr. Pumblechook, + getting up again, "but may I? <i>may</i> I—?" + </p> + <p> + It began to be unnecessary to repeat the form of saying he might, so he + did it at once. How he ever did it so often without wounding himself with + my knife, I don't know. + </p> + <p> + "And your sister," he resumed, after a little steady eating, "which had + the honor of bringing you up by hand! It's a sad picter, to reflect that + she's no longer equal to fully understanding the honor. May—" + </p> + <p> + I saw he was about to come at me again, and I stopped him. + </p> + <p> + "We'll drink her health," said I. + </p> + <p> + "Ah!" cried Mr. Pumblechook, leaning back in his chair, quite flaccid with + admiration, "that's the way you know 'em, sir!" (I don't know who Sir was, + but he certainly was not I, and there was no third person present); + "that's the way you know the noble-minded, sir! Ever forgiving and ever + affable. It might," said the servile Pumblechook, putting down his + untasted glass in a hurry and getting up again, "to a common person, have + the appearance of repeating—but <i>may</i> I—?" + </p> + <p> + When he had done it, he resumed his seat and drank to my sister. "Let us + never be blind," said Mr. Pumblechook, "to her faults of temper, but it is + to be hoped she meant well." + </p> + <p> + At about this time, I began to observe that he was getting flushed in the + face; as to myself, I felt all face, steeped in wine and smarting. + </p> + <p> + I mentioned to Mr. Pumblechook that I wished to have my new clothes sent + to his house, and he was ecstatic on my so distinguishing him. I mentioned + my reason for desiring to avoid observation in the village, and he lauded + it to the skies. There was nobody but himself, he intimated, worthy of my + confidence, and—in short, might he? Then he asked me tenderly if I + remembered our boyish games at sums, and how we had gone together to have + me bound apprentice, and, in effect, how he had ever been my favorite + fancy and my chosen friend? If I had taken ten times as many glasses of + wine as I had, I should have known that he never had stood in that + relation towards me, and should in my heart of hearts have repudiated the + idea. Yet for all that, I remember feeling convinced that I had been much + mistaken in him, and that he was a sensible, practical, good-hearted prime + fellow. + </p> + <p> + By degrees he fell to reposing such great confidence in me, as to ask my + advice in reference to his own affairs. He mentioned that there was an + opportunity for a great amalgamation and monopoly of the corn and seed + trade on those premises, if enlarged, such as had never occurred before in + that or any other neighborhood. What alone was wanting to the realization + of a vast fortune, he considered to be More Capital. Those were the two + little words, more capital. Now it appeared to him (Pumblechook) that if + that capital were got into the business, through a sleeping partner, sir,—which + sleeping partner would have nothing to do but walk in, by self or deputy, + whenever he pleased, and examine the books,—and walk in twice a year + and take his profits away in his pocket, to the tune of fifty per cent,—it + appeared to him that that might be an opening for a young gentleman of + spirit combined with property, which would be worthy of his attention. But + what did I think? He had great confidence in my opinion, and what did I + think? I gave it as my opinion. "Wait a bit!" The united vastness and + distinctness of this view so struck him, that he no longer asked if he + might shake hands with me, but said he really must,—and did. + </p> + <p> + We drank all the wine, and Mr. Pumblechook pledged himself over and over + again to keep Joseph up to the mark (I don't know what mark), and to + render me efficient and constant service (I don't know what service). He + also made known to me for the first time in my life, and certainly after + having kept his secret wonderfully well, that he had always said of me, + "That boy is no common boy, and mark me, his fortun' will be no common + fortun'." He said with a tearful smile that it was a singular thing to + think of now, and I said so too. Finally, I went out into the air, with a + dim perception that there was something unwonted in the conduct of the + sunshine, and found that I had slumberously got to the turnpike without + having taken any account of the road. + </p> + <p> + There, I was roused by Mr. Pumblechook's hailing me. He was a long way + down the sunny street, and was making expressive gestures for me to stop. + I stopped, and he came up breathless. + </p> + <p> + "No, my dear friend," said he, when he had recovered wind for speech. "Not + if I can help it. This occasion shall not entirely pass without that + affability on your part.—May I, as an old friend and well-wisher? + <i>May</i> I?" + </p> + <p> + We shook hands for the hundredth time at least, and he ordered a young + carter out of my way with the greatest indignation. Then, he blessed me + and stood waving his hand to me until I had passed the crook in the road; + and then I turned into a field and had a long nap under a hedge before I + pursued my way home. + </p> + <p> + I had scant luggage to take with me to London, for little of the little I + possessed was adapted to my new station. But I began packing that same + afternoon, and wildly packed up things that I knew I should want next + morning, in a fiction that there was not a moment to be lost. + </p> + <p> + So, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, passed; and on Friday morning I went + to Mr. Pumblechook's, to put on my new clothes and pay my visit to Miss + Havisham. Mr. Pumblechook's own room was given up to me to dress in, and + was decorated with clean towels expressly for the event. My clothes were + rather a disappointment, of course. Probably every new and eagerly + expected garment ever put on since clothes came in, fell a trifle short of + the wearer's expectation. But after I had had my new suit on some half an + hour, and had gone through an immensity of posturing with Mr. + Pumblechook's very limited dressing-glass, in the futile endeavor to see + my legs, it seemed to fit me better. It being market morning at a + neighboring town some ten miles off, Mr. Pumblechook was not at home. I + had not told him exactly when I meant to leave, and was not likely to + shake hands with him again before departing. This was all as it should be, + and I went out in my new array, fearfully ashamed of having to pass the + shopman, and suspicious after all that I was at a personal disadvantage, + something like Joe's in his Sunday suit. + </p> + <p> + I went circuitously to Miss Havisham's by all the back ways, and rang at + the bell constrainedly, on account of the stiff long fingers of my gloves. + Sarah Pocket came to the gate, and positively reeled back when she saw me + so changed; her walnut-shell countenance likewise turned from brown to + green and yellow. + </p> + <p> + "You?" said she. "You? Good gracious! What do you want?" + </p> + <p> + "I am going to London, Miss Pocket," said I, "and want to say good by to + Miss Havisham." + </p> + <p> + I was not expected, for she left me locked in the yard, while she went to + ask if I were to be admitted. After a very short delay, she returned and + took me up, staring at me all the way. + </p> + <p> + Miss Havisham was taking exercise in the room with the long spread table, + leaning on her crutch stick. The room was lighted as of yore, and at the + sound of our entrance, she stopped and turned. She was then just abreast + of the rotted bride-cake. + </p> + <p> + "Don't go, Sarah," she said. "Well, Pip?" + </p> + <p> + "I start for London, Miss Havisham, to-morrow," I was exceedingly careful + what I said, "and I thought you would kindly not mind my taking leave of + you." + </p> + <p> + "This is a gay figure, Pip," said she, making her crutch stick play round + me, as if she, the fairy godmother who had changed me, were bestowing the + finishing gift. + </p> + <p> + "I have come into such good fortune since I saw you last, Miss Havisham," + I murmured. "And I am so grateful for it, Miss Havisham!" + </p> + <p> + "Ay, ay!" said she, looking at the discomfited and envious Sarah, with + delight. "I have seen Mr. Jaggers. <i>I</i> have heard about it, Pip. So you go + to-morrow?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, Miss Havisham." + </p> + <p> + "And you are adopted by a rich person?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, Miss Havisham." + </p> + <p> + "Not named?" + </p> + <p> + "No, Miss Havisham." + </p> + <p> + "And Mr. Jaggers is made your guardian?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, Miss Havisham." + </p> + <p> + She quite gloated on these questions and answers, so keen was her + enjoyment of Sarah Pocket's jealous dismay. "Well!" she went on; "you have + a promising career before you. Be good—deserve it—and abide by + Mr. Jaggers's instructions." She looked at me, and looked at Sarah, and + Sarah's countenance wrung out of her watchful face a cruel smile. "Good + by, Pip!—you will always keep the name of Pip, you know." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, Miss Havisham." + </p> + <p> + "Good by, Pip!" + </p> + <p> + She stretched out her hand, and I went down on my knee and put it to my + lips. I had not considered how I should take leave of her; it came + naturally to me at the moment to do this. She looked at Sarah Pocket with + triumph in her weird eyes, and so I left my fairy godmother, with both her + hands on her crutch stick, standing in the midst of the dimly lighted room + beside the rotten bride-cake that was hidden in cobwebs. + </p> + <p> + Sarah Pocket conducted me down, as if I were a ghost who must be seen out. + She could not get over my appearance, and was in the last degree + confounded. I said "Good by, Miss Pocket;" but she merely stared, and did + not seem collected enough to know that I had spoken. Clear of the house, I + made the best of my way back to Pumblechook's, took off my new clothes, + made them into a bundle, and went back home in my older dress, carrying it—to + speak the truth—much more at my ease too, though I had the bundle to + carry. + </p> + <p> + And now, those six days which were to have run out so slowly, had run out + fast and were gone, and to-morrow looked me in the face more steadily than + I could look at it. As the six evenings had dwindled away, to five, to + four, to three, to two, I had become more and more appreciative of the + society of Joe and Biddy. On this last evening, I dressed my self out in + my new clothes for their delight, and sat in my splendor until bedtime. We + had a hot supper on the occasion, graced by the inevitable roast fowl, and + we had some flip to finish with. We were all very low, and none the higher + for pretending to be in spirits. + </p> + <p> + I was to leave our village at five in the morning, carrying my little + hand-portmanteau, and I had told Joe that I wished to walk away all alone. + I am afraid—sore afraid—that this purpose originated in my + sense of the contrast there would be between me and Joe, if we went to the + coach together. I had pretended with myself that there was nothing of this + taint in the arrangement; but when I went up to my little room on this + last night, I felt compelled to admit that it might be so, and had an + impulse upon me to go down again and entreat Joe to walk with me in the + morning. I did not. + </p> + <p> + All night there were coaches in my broken sleep, going to wrong places + instead of to London, and having in the traces, now dogs, now cats, now + pigs, now men,—never horses. Fantastic failures of journeys occupied + me until the day dawned and the birds were singing. Then, I got up and + partly dressed, and sat at the window to take a last look out, and in + taking it fell asleep. + </p> + <p> + Biddy was astir so early to get my breakfast, that, although I did not + sleep at the window an hour, I smelt the smoke of the kitchen fire when I + started up with a terrible idea that it must be late in the afternoon. But + long after that, and long after I had heard the clinking of the teacups + and was quite ready, I wanted the resolution to go down stairs. After all, + I remained up there, repeatedly unlocking and unstrapping my small + portmanteau and locking and strapping it up again, until Biddy called to + me that I was late. + </p> + <p> + It was a hurried breakfast with no taste in it. I got up from the meal, + saying with a sort of briskness, as if it had only just occurred to me, + "Well! I suppose I must be off!" and then I kissed my sister who was + laughing and nodding and shaking in her usual chair, and kissed Biddy, and + threw my arms around Joe's neck. Then I took up my little portmanteau and + walked out. The last I saw of them was, when I presently heard a scuffle + behind me, and looking back, saw Joe throwing an old shoe after me and + Biddy throwing another old shoe. I stopped then, to wave my hat, and dear + old Joe waved his strong right arm above his head, crying huskily + "Hooroar!" and Biddy put her apron to her face. + </p> + <p> + I walked away at a good pace, thinking it was easier to go than I had + supposed it would be, and reflecting that it would never have done to have + had an old shoe thrown after the coach, in sight of all the High Street. I + whistled and made nothing of going. But the village was very peaceful and + quiet, and the light mists were solemnly rising, as if to show me the + world, and I had been so innocent and little there, and all beyond was so + unknown and great, that in a moment with a strong heave and sob I broke + into tears. It was by the finger-post at the end of the village, and I + laid my hand upon it, and said, "Good by, O my dear, dear friend!" + </p> + <p> + Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon + the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. I was better after + I had cried than before,—more sorry, more aware of my own + ingratitude, more gentle. If I had cried before, I should have had Joe + with me then. + </p> + <p> + So subdued I was by those tears, and by their breaking out again in the + course of the quiet walk, that when I was on the coach, and it was clear + of the town, I deliberated with an aching heart whether I would not get + down when we changed horses and walk back, and have another evening at + home, and a better parting. We changed, and I had not made up my mind, and + still reflected for my comfort that it would be quite practicable to get + down and walk back, when we changed again. And while I was occupied with + these deliberations, I would fancy an exact resemblance to Joe in some man + coming along the road towards us, and my heart would beat high.—As + if he could possibly be there! + </p> + <p> + We changed again, and yet again, and it was now too late and too far to go + back, and I went on. And the mists had all solemnly risen now, and the + world lay spread before me. + </p> + <p> + This is the end of the first stage of Pip's expectations. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0020" id="link2HCH0020"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XX + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">T</span>he journey from our town to the metropolis was a journey of about five + hours. It was a little past midday when the four-horse stage-coach by + which I was a passenger, got into the ravel of traffic frayed out about + the Cross Keys, Wood Street, Cheapside, London. + </p> + <p> + We Britons had at that time particularly settled that it was treasonable + to doubt our having and our being the best of everything: otherwise, while + I was scared by the immensity of London, I think I might have had some + faint doubts whether it was not rather ugly, crooked, narrow, and dirty. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Jaggers had duly sent me his address; it was, Little Britain, and he + had written after it on his card, "just out of Smithfield, and close by + the coach-office." Nevertheless, a hackney-coachman, who seemed to have as + many capes to his greasy great-coat as he was years old, packed me up in + his coach and hemmed me in with a folding and jingling barrier of steps, + as if he were going to take me fifty miles. His getting on his box, which + I remember to have been decorated with an old weather-stained pea-green + hammercloth moth-eaten into rags, was quite a work of time. It was a + wonderful equipage, with six great coronets outside, and ragged things + behind for I don't know how many footmen to hold on by, and a harrow below + them, to prevent amateur footmen from yielding to the temptation. + </p> + <p> + I had scarcely had time to enjoy the coach and to think how like a + straw-yard it was, and yet how like a rag-shop, and to wonder why the + horses' nose-bags were kept inside, when I observed the coachman beginning + to get down, as if we were going to stop presently. And stop we presently + did, in a gloomy street, at certain offices with an open door, whereon was + painted MR. JAGGERS. + </p> + <p> + "How much?" I asked the coachman. + </p> + <p> + The coachman answered, "A shilling—unless you wish to make it more." + </p> + <p> + I naturally said I had no wish to make it more. + </p> + <p> + "Then it must be a shilling," observed the coachman. "I don't want to get + into trouble. <i>I</i> know <i>him</i>!" He darkly closed an eye at Mr. Jaggers's name, + and shook his head. + </p> + <p> + When he had got his shilling, and had in course of time completed the + ascent to his box, and had got away (which appeared to relieve his mind), + I went into the front office with my little portmanteau in my hand and + asked, Was Mr. Jaggers at home? + </p> + <p> + "He is not," returned the clerk. "He is in Court at present. Am I + addressing Mr. Pip?" + </p> + <p> + I signified that he was addressing Mr. Pip. + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Jaggers left word, would you wait in his room. He couldn't say how + long he might be, having a case on. But it stands to reason, his time + being valuable, that he won't be longer than he can help." + </p> + <p> + With those words, the clerk opened a door, and ushered me into an inner + chamber at the back. Here, we found a gentleman with one eye, in a + velveteen suit and knee-breeches, who wiped his nose with his sleeve on + being interrupted in the perusal of the newspaper. + </p> + <p> + "Go and wait outside, Mike," said the clerk. + </p> + <p> + I began to say that I hoped I was not interrupting, when the clerk shoved + this gentleman out with as little ceremony as I ever saw used, and tossing + his fur cap out after him, left me alone. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Jaggers's room was lighted by a skylight only, and was a most dismal + place; the skylight, eccentrically pitched like a broken head, and the + distorted adjoining houses looking as if they had twisted themselves to + peep down at me through it. There were not so many papers about, as I + should have expected to see; and there were some odd objects about, that I + should not have expected to see,—such as an old rusty pistol, a + sword in a scabbard, several strange-looking boxes and packages, and two + dreadful casts on a shelf, of faces peculiarly swollen, and twitchy about + the nose. Mr. Jaggers's own high-backed chair was of deadly black + horsehair, with rows of brass nails round it, like a coffin; and I fancied + I could see how he leaned back in it, and bit his forefinger at the + clients. The room was but small, and the clients seemed to have had a + habit of backing up against the wall; the wall, especially opposite to Mr. + Jaggers's chair, being greasy with shoulders. I recalled, too, that the + one-eyed gentleman had shuffled forth against the wall when I was the + innocent cause of his being turned out. + </p> + <p> + I sat down in the cliental chair placed over against Mr. Jaggers's chair, + and became fascinated by the dismal atmosphere of the place. I called to + mind that the clerk had the same air of knowing something to everybody + else's disadvantage, as his master had. I wondered how many other clerks + there were up-stairs, and whether they all claimed to have the same + detrimental mastery of their fellow-creatures. I wondered what was the + history of all the odd litter about the room, and how it came there. I + wondered whether the two swollen faces were of Mr. Jaggers's family, and, + if he were so unfortunate as to have had a pair of such ill-looking + relations, why he stuck them on that dusty perch for the blacks and flies + to settle on, instead of giving them a place at home. Of course I had no + experience of a London summer day, and my spirits may have been oppressed + by the hot exhausted air, and by the dust and grit that lay thick on + everything. But I sat wondering and waiting in Mr. Jaggers's close room, + until I really could not bear the two casts on the shelf above Mr. + Jaggers's chair, and got up and went out. + </p> + <p> + When I told the clerk that I would take a turn in the air while I waited, + he advised me to go round the corner and I should come into Smithfield. So + I came into Smithfield; and the shameful place, being all asmear with + filth and fat and blood and foam, seemed to stick to me. So, I rubbed it + off with all possible speed by turning into a street where I saw the great + black dome of Saint Paul's bulging at me from behind a grim stone building + which a bystander said was Newgate Prison. Following the wall of the jail, + I found the roadway covered with straw to deaden the noise of passing + vehicles; and from this, and from the quantity of people standing about + smelling strongly of spirits and beer, I inferred that the trials were on. + </p> + <p> + While I looked about me here, an exceedingly dirty and partially drunk + minister of justice asked me if I would like to step in and hear a trial + or so: informing me that he could give me a front place for half a crown, + whence I should command a full view of the Lord Chief Justice in his wig + and robes,—mentioning that awful personage like waxwork, and + presently offering him at the reduced price of eighteen-pence. As I + declined the proposal on the plea of an appointment, he was so good as to + take me into a yard and show me where the gallows was kept, and also where + people were publicly whipped, and then he showed me the Debtors' Door, out + of which culprits came to be hanged; heightening the interest of that + dreadful portal by giving me to understand that "four on 'em" would come + out at that door the day after to-morrow at eight in the morning, to be + killed in a row. This was horrible, and gave me a sickening idea of + London; the more so as the Lord Chief Justice's proprietor wore (from his + hat down to his boots and up again to his pocket-handkerchief inclusive) + mildewed clothes which had evidently not belonged to him originally, and + which I took it into my head he had bought cheap of the executioner. Under + these circumstances I thought myself well rid of him for a shilling. + </p> + <p> + I dropped into the office to ask if Mr. Jaggers had come in yet, and I + found he had not, and I strolled out again. This time, I made the tour of + Little Britain, and turned into Bartholomew Close; and now I became aware + that other people were waiting about for Mr. Jaggers, as well as I. There + were two men of secret appearance lounging in Bartholomew Close, and + thoughtfully fitting their feet into the cracks of the pavement as they + talked together, one of whom said to the other when they first passed me, + that "Jaggers would do it if it was to be done." There was a knot of three + men and two women standing at a corner, and one of the women was crying on + her dirty shawl, and the other comforted her by saying, as she pulled her + own shawl over her shoulders, "Jaggers is for him, 'Melia, and what more + <i>could</i> you have?" There was a red-eyed little Jew who came into the Close + while I was loitering there, in company with a second little Jew whom he + sent upon an errand; and while the messenger was gone, I remarked this + Jew, who was of a highly excitable temperament, performing a jig of + anxiety under a lamp-post and accompanying himself, in a kind of frenzy, + with the words, "O Jaggerth, Jaggerth, Jaggerth! all otherth ith + Cag-Maggerth, give me Jaggerth!" These testimonies to the popularity of my + guardian made a deep impression on me, and I admired and wondered more + than ever. + </p> + <p> + At length, as I was looking out at the iron gate of Bartholomew Close into + Little Britain, I saw Mr. Jaggers coming across the road towards me. All + the others who were waiting saw him at the same time, and there was quite + a rush at him. Mr. Jaggers, putting a hand on my shoulder and walking me + on at his side without saying anything to me, addressed himself to his + followers. + </p> + <p> + First, he took the two secret men. + </p> + <p> + "Now, I have nothing to say to <i>you</i>," said Mr. Jaggers, throwing his finger + at them. "I want to know no more than I know. As to the result, it's a + toss-up. I told you from the first it was a toss-up. Have you paid + Wemmick?" + </p> + <p> + "We made the money up this morning, sir," said one of the men, + submissively, while the other perused Mr. Jaggers's face. + </p> + <p> + "I don't ask you when you made it up, or where, or whether you made it up + at all. Has Wemmick got it?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, sir," said both the men together. + </p> + <p> + "Very well; then you may go. Now, I won't have it!" said Mr Jaggers, + waving his hand at them to put them behind him. "If you say a word to me, + I'll throw up the case." + </p> + <p> + "We thought, Mr. Jaggers—" one of the men began, pulling off his + hat. + </p> + <p> + "That's what I told you not to do," said Mr. Jaggers. "<i>You</i> thought! I + think for you; that's enough for you. If I want you, I know where to find + you; I don't want you to find me. Now I won't have it. I won't hear a + word." + </p> + <p> + The two men looked at one another as Mr. Jaggers waved them behind again, + and humbly fell back and were heard no more. + </p> + <p> + "And now <i>you</i>!" said Mr. Jaggers, suddenly stopping, and turning on the two + women with the shawls, from whom the three men had meekly separated,—"Oh! + Amelia, is it?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, Mr. Jaggers." + </p> + <p> + "And do you remember," retorted Mr. Jaggers, "that but for me you wouldn't + be here and couldn't be here?" + </p> + <p> + "O yes, sir!" exclaimed both women together. "Lord bless you, sir, well we + knows that!" + </p> + <p> + "Then why," said Mr. Jaggers, "do you come here?" + </p> + <p> + "My Bill, sir!" the crying woman pleaded. + </p> + <p> + "Now, I tell you what!" said Mr. Jaggers. "Once for all. If you don't know + that your Bill's in good hands, I know it. And if you come here bothering + about your Bill, I'll make an example of both your Bill and you, and let + him slip through my fingers. Have you paid Wemmick?" + </p> + <p> + "O yes, sir! Every farden." + </p> + <p> + "Very well. Then you have done all you have got to do. Say another word—one + single word—and Wemmick shall give you your money back." + </p> + <p> + This terrible threat caused the two women to fall off immediately. No one + remained now but the excitable Jew, who had already raised the skirts of + Mr. Jaggers's coat to his lips several times. + </p> + <p> + "I don't know this man!" said Mr. Jaggers, in the same devastating strain: + "What does this fellow want?" + </p> + <p> + "Ma thear Mithter Jaggerth. Hown brother to Habraham Latharuth?" + </p> + <p> + "Who's he?" said Mr. Jaggers. "Let go of my coat." + </p> + <p> + The suitor, kissing the hem of the garment again before relinquishing it, + replied, "Habraham Latharuth, on thuthpithion of plate." + </p> + <p> + "You're too late," said Mr. Jaggers. "I am over the way." + </p> + <p> + "Holy father, Mithter Jaggerth!" cried my excitable acquaintance, turning + white, "don't thay you're again Habraham Latharuth!" + </p> + <p> + "I am," said Mr. Jaggers, "and there's an end of it. Get out of the way." + </p> + <p> + "Mithter Jaggerth! Half a moment! My hown cuthen'th gone to Mithter + Wemmick at thith prethent minute, to hoffer him hany termth. Mithter + Jaggerth! Half a quarter of a moment! If you'd have the condethenthun to + be bought off from the t'other thide—at hany thuperior prithe!—money + no object!—Mithter Jaggerth—Mithter—!" + </p> + <p> + My guardian threw his supplicant off with supreme indifference, and left + him dancing on the pavement as if it were red hot. Without further + interruption, we reached the front office, where we found the clerk and + the man in velveteen with the fur cap. + </p> + <p> + "Here's Mike," said the clerk, getting down from his stool, and + approaching Mr. Jaggers confidentially. + </p> + <p> + "Oh!" said Mr. Jaggers, turning to the man, who was pulling a lock of hair + in the middle of his forehead, like the Bull in Cock Robin pulling at the + bell-rope; "your man comes on this afternoon. Well?" + </p> + <p> + "Well, Mas'r Jaggers," returned Mike, in the voice of a sufferer from a + constitutional cold; "arter a deal o' trouble, I've found one, sir, as + might do." + </p> + <p> + "What is he prepared to swear?" + </p> + <p> + "Well, Mas'r Jaggers," said Mike, wiping his nose on his fur cap this + time; "in a general way, anythink." + </p> + <p> + Mr. Jaggers suddenly became most irate. "Now, I warned you before," said + he, throwing his forefinger at the terrified client, "that if you ever + presumed to talk in that way here, I'd make an example of you. You + infernal scoundrel, how dare you tell ME that?" + </p> + <p> + The client looked scared, but bewildered too, as if he were unconscious + what he had done. + </p> + <p> + "Spooney!" said the clerk, in a low voice, giving him a stir with his + elbow. "Soft Head! Need you say it face to face?" + </p> + <p> + "Now, I ask you, you blundering booby," said my guardian, very sternly, + "once more and for the last time, what the man you have brought here is + prepared to swear?" + </p> + <p> + Mike looked hard at my guardian, as if he were trying to learn a lesson + from his face, and slowly replied, "Ayther to character, or to having been + in his company and never left him all the night in question." + </p> + <p> + "Now, be careful. In what station of life is this man?" + </p> + <p> + Mike looked at his cap, and looked at the floor, and looked at the + ceiling, and looked at the clerk, and even looked at me, before beginning + to reply in a nervous manner, "We've dressed him up like—" when my + guardian blustered out,— + </p> + <p> + "What? You WILL, will you?" + </p> + <p> + ("Spooney!" added the clerk again, with another stir.) + </p> + <p> + After some helpless casting about, Mike brightened and began again:— + </p> + <p> + "He is dressed like a 'spectable pieman. A sort of a pastry-cook." + </p> + <p> + "Is he here?" asked my guardian. + </p> + <p> + "I left him," said Mike, "a setting on some doorsteps round the corner." + </p> + <p> + "Take him past that window, and let me see him." + </p> + <p> + The window indicated was the office window. We all three went to it, + behind the wire blind, and presently saw the client go by in an accidental + manner, with a murderous-looking tall individual, in a short suit of white + linen and a paper cap. This guileless confectioner was not by any means + sober, and had a black eye in the green stage of recovery, which was + painted over. + </p> + <p> + "Tell him to take his witness away directly," said my guardian to the + clerk, in extreme disgust, "and ask him what he means by bringing such a + fellow as that." + </p> + <p> + My guardian then took me into his own room, and while he lunched, + standing, from a sandwich-box and a pocket-flask of sherry (he seemed to + bully his very sandwich as he ate it), informed me what arrangements he + had made for me. I was to go to "Barnard's Inn," to young Mr. Pocket's + rooms, where a bed had been sent in for my accommodation; I was to remain + with young Mr. Pocket until Monday; on Monday I was to go with him to his + father's house on a visit, that I might try how I liked it. Also, I was + told what my allowance was to be,—it was a very liberal one,—and + had handed to me from one of my guardian's drawers, the cards of certain + tradesmen with whom I was to deal for all kinds of clothes, and such other + things as I could in reason want. "You will find your credit good, Mr. + Pip," said my guardian, whose flask of sherry smelt like a whole caskful, + as he hastily refreshed himself, "but I shall by this means be able to + check your bills, and to pull you up if I find you outrunning the + constable. Of course you'll go wrong somehow, but that's no fault of + mine." + </p> + <p> + After I had pondered a little over this encouraging sentiment, I asked Mr. + Jaggers if I could send for a coach? He said it was not worth while, I was + so near my destination; Wemmick should walk round with me, if I pleased. + </p> + <p> + I then found that Wemmick was the clerk in the next room. Another clerk + was rung down from up stairs to take his place while he was out, and I + accompanied him into the street, after shaking hands with my guardian. We + found a new set of people lingering outside, but Wemmick made a way among + them by saying coolly yet decisively, "I tell you it's no use; he won't + have a word to say to one of you;" and we soon got clear of them, and went + on side by side. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0021" id="link2HCH0021"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XXI + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">C</span>asting my eyes on Mr. Wemmick as we went along, to see what he was like + in the light of day, I found him to be a dry man, rather short in stature, + with a square wooden face, whose expression seemed to have been + imperfectly chipped out with a dull-edged chisel. There were some marks in + it that might have been dimples, if the material had been softer and the + instrument finer, but which, as it was, were only dints. The chisel had + made three or four of these attempts at embellishment over his nose, but + had given them up without an effort to smooth them off. I judged him to be + a bachelor from the frayed condition of his linen, and he appeared to have + sustained a good many bereavements; for he wore at least four mourning + rings, besides a brooch representing a lady and a weeping willow at a tomb + with an urn on it. I noticed, too, that several rings and seals hung at + his watch-chain, as if he were quite laden with remembrances of departed + friends. He had glittering eyes,—small, keen, and black,—and + thin wide mottled lips. He had had them, to the best of my belief, from + forty to fifty years. + </p> + <p> + "So you were never in London before?" said Mr. Wemmick to me. + </p> + <p> + "No," said I. + </p> + <p> + "<i>I</i> was new here once," said Mr. Wemmick. "Rum to think of now!" + </p> + <p> + "You are well acquainted with it now?" + </p> + <p> + "Why, yes," said Mr. Wemmick. "I know the moves of it." + </p> + <p> + "Is it a very wicked place?" I asked, more for the sake of saying + something than for information. + </p> + <p> + "You may get cheated, robbed, and murdered in London. But there are plenty + of people anywhere, who'll do that for you." + </p> + <p> + "If there is bad blood between you and them," said I, to soften it off a + little. + </p> + <p> + "O! I don't know about bad blood," returned Mr. Wemmick; "there's not much + bad blood about. They'll do it, if there's anything to be got by it." + </p> + <p> + "That makes it worse." + </p> + <p> + "You think so?" returned Mr. Wemmick. "Much about the same, I should say." + </p> + <p> + He wore his hat on the back of his head, and looked straight before him: + walking in a self-contained way as if there were nothing in the streets to + claim his attention. His mouth was such a post-office of a mouth that he + had a mechanical appearance of smiling. We had got to the top of Holborn + Hill before I knew that it was merely a mechanical appearance, and that he + was not smiling at all. + </p> + <p> + "Do you know where Mr. Matthew Pocket lives?" I asked Mr. Wemmick. + </p> + <p> + "Yes," said he, nodding in the direction. "At Hammersmith, west of + London." + </p> + <p> + "Is that far?" + </p> + <p> + "Well! Say five miles." + </p> + <p> + "Do you know him?" + </p> + <p> + "Why, you're a regular cross-examiner!" said Mr. Wemmick, looking at me + with an approving air. "Yes, I know him. <i>I</i> know him!" + </p> + <p> + There was an air of toleration or depreciation about his utterance of + these words that rather depressed me; and I was still looking sideways at + his block of a face in search of any encouraging note to the text, when he + said here we were at Barnard's Inn. My depression was not alleviated by + the announcement, for, I had supposed that establishment to be an hotel + kept by Mr. Barnard, to which the Blue Boar in our town was a mere + public-house. Whereas I now found Barnard to be a disembodied spirit, or a + fiction, and his inn the dingiest collection of shabby buildings ever + squeezed together in a rank corner as a club for Tom-cats. + </p> + <p> + We entered this haven through a wicket-gate, and were disgorged by an + introductory passage into a melancholy little square that looked to me + like a flat burying-ground. I thought it had the most dismal trees in it, + and the most dismal sparrows, and the most dismal cats, and the most + dismal houses (in number half a dozen or so), that I had ever seen. I + thought the windows of the sets of chambers into which those houses were + divided were in every stage of dilapidated blind and curtain, crippled + flower-pot, cracked glass, dusty decay, and miserable makeshift; while To + Let, To Let, To Let, glared at me from empty rooms, as if no new wretches + ever came there, and the vengeance of the soul of Barnard were being + slowly appeased by the gradual suicide of the present occupants and their + unholy interment under the gravel. A frowzy mourning of soot and smoke + attired this forlorn creation of Barnard, and it had strewn ashes on its + head, and was undergoing penance and humiliation as a mere dust-hole. Thus + far my sense of sight; while dry rot and wet rot and all the silent rots + that rot in neglected roof and cellar,—rot of rat and mouse and bug + and coaching-stables near at hand besides—addressed themselves + faintly to my sense of smell, and moaned, "Try Barnard's Mixture." + </p> + <p> + So imperfect was this realization of the first of my great expectations, + that I looked in dismay at Mr. Wemmick. "Ah!" said he, mistaking me; "the + retirement reminds you of the country. So it does me." + </p> + <p> + He led me into a corner and conducted me up a flight of stairs,—which + appeared to me to be slowly collapsing into sawdust, so that one of those + days the upper lodgers would look out at their doors and find themselves + without the means of coming down,—to a set of chambers on the top + floor. MR. POCKET, JUN., was painted on the door, and there was a label on + the letter-box, "Return shortly." + </p> + <p> + "He hardly thought you'd come so soon," Mr. Wemmick explained. "You don't + want me any more?" + </p> + <p> + "No, thank you," said I. + </p> + <p> + "As I keep the cash," Mr. Wemmick observed, "we shall most likely meet + pretty often. Good day." + </p> + <p> + "Good day." + </p> + <p> + I put out my hand, and Mr. Wemmick at first looked at it as if he thought + I wanted something. Then he looked at me, and said, correcting himself,— + </p> + <p> + "To be sure! Yes. You're in the habit of shaking hands?" + </p> + <p> + I was rather confused, thinking it must be out of the London fashion, but + said yes. + </p> + <p> + "I have got so out of it!" said Mr. Wemmick,—"except at last. Very + glad, I'm sure, to make your acquaintance. Good day!" + </p> + <p> + When we had shaken hands and he was gone, I opened the staircase window + and had nearly beheaded myself, for, the lines had rotted away, and it + came down like the guillotine. Happily it was so quick that I had not put + my head out. After this escape, I was content to take a foggy view of the + Inn through the window's encrusting dirt, and to stand dolefully looking + out, saying to myself that London was decidedly overrated. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Pocket, Junior's, idea of Shortly was not mine, for I had nearly + maddened myself with looking out for half an hour, and had written my name + with my finger several times in the dirt of every pane in the window, + before I heard footsteps on the stairs. Gradually there arose before me + the hat, head, neckcloth, waistcoat, trousers, boots, of a member of + society of about my own standing. He had a paper-bag under each arm and a + pottle of strawberries in one hand, and was out of breath. + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Pip?" said he. + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Pocket?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "Dear me!" he exclaimed. "I am extremely sorry; but I knew there was a + coach from your part of the country at midday, and I thought you would + come by that one. The fact is, I have been out on your account,—not + that that is any excuse,—for I thought, coming from the country, you + might like a little fruit after dinner, and I went to Covent Garden Market + to get it good." + </p> + <p> + For a reason that I had, I felt as if my eyes would start out of my head. + I acknowledged his attention incoherently, and began to think this was a + dream. + </p> + <p> + "Dear me!" said Mr. Pocket, Junior. "This door sticks so!" + </p> + <p> + As he was fast making jam of his fruit by wrestling with the door while + the paper-bags were under his arms, I begged him to allow me to hold them. + He relinquished them with an agreeable smile, and combated with the door + as if it were a wild beast. It yielded so suddenly at last, that he + staggered back upon me, and I staggered back upon the opposite door, and + we both laughed. But still I felt as if my eyes must start out of my head, + and as if this must be a dream. + </p> + <p> + "Pray come in," said Mr. Pocket, Junior. "Allow me to lead the way. I am + rather bare here, but I hope you'll be able to make out tolerably well + till Monday. My father thought you would get on more agreeably through + to-morrow with me than with him, and might like to take a walk about + London. I am sure I shall be very happy to show London to you. As to our + table, you won't find that bad, I hope, for it will be supplied from our + coffee-house here, and (it is only right I should add) at your expense, + such being Mr. Jaggers's directions. As to our lodging, it's not by any + means splendid, because I have my own bread to earn, and my father hasn't + anything to give me, and I shouldn't be willing to take it, if he had. + This is our sitting-room,—just such chairs and tables and carpet and + so forth, you see, as they could spare from home. You mustn't give me + credit for the tablecloth and spoons and castors, because they come for + you from the coffee-house. This is my little bedroom; rather musty, but + Barnard's <i>is</i> musty. This is your bedroom; the furniture's hired for the + occasion, but I trust it will answer the purpose; if you should want + anything, I'll go and fetch it. The chambers are retired, and we shall be + alone together, but we shan't fight, I dare say. But dear me, I beg your + pardon, you're holding the fruit all this time. Pray let me take these + bags from you. I am quite ashamed." + </p> + <p> + As I stood opposite to Mr. Pocket, Junior, delivering him the bags, One, + Two, I saw the starting appearance come into his own eyes that I knew to + be in mine, and he said, falling back,— + </p> + <p> + "Lord bless me, you're the prowling boy!" + </p> + <p> + "And you," said I, "are the pale young gentleman!" + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0022" id="link2HCH0022"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XXII + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">T</span>he pale young gentleman and I stood contemplating one another in + Barnard's Inn, until we both burst out laughing. "The idea of its being + you!" said he. "The idea of its being <i>you</i>!" said I. And then we + contemplated one another afresh, and laughed again. "Well!" said the pale + young gentleman, reaching out his hand good-humoredly, "it's all over now, + I hope, and it will be magnanimous in you if you'll forgive me for having + knocked you about so." + </p> + <p> + I derived from this speech that Mr. Herbert Pocket (for Herbert was the + pale young gentleman's name) still rather confounded his intention with + his execution. But I made a modest reply, and we shook hands warmly. + </p> + <p> + "You hadn't come into your good fortune at that time?" said Herbert + Pocket. + </p> + <p> + "No," said I. + </p> + <p> + "No," he acquiesced: "I heard it had happened very lately. <i>I</i> was rather on + the lookout for good fortune then." + </p> + <p> + "Indeed?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes. Miss Havisham had sent for me, to see if she could take a fancy to + me. But she couldn't,—at all events, she didn't." + </p> + <p> + I thought it polite to remark that I was surprised to hear that. + </p> + <p> + "Bad taste," said Herbert, laughing, "but a fact. Yes, she had sent for me + on a trial visit, and if I had come out of it successfully, I suppose I + should have been provided for; perhaps I should have been + what-you-may-called it to Estella." + </p> + <p> + "What's that?" I asked, with sudden gravity. + </p> + <p> + He was arranging his fruit in plates while we talked, which divided his + attention, and was the cause of his having made this lapse of a word. + "Affianced," he explained, still busy with the fruit. "Betrothed. Engaged. + What's-his-named. Any word of that sort." + </p> + <p> + "How did you bear your disappointment?" I asked. + </p> + <p> + "Pooh!" said he, "I didn't care much for it. <i>She's</i> a Tartar." + </p> + <p> + "Miss Havisham?" + </p> + <p> + "I don't say no to that, but I meant Estella. That girl's hard and haughty + and capricious to the last degree, and has been brought up by Miss + Havisham to wreak revenge on all the male sex." + </p> + <p> + "What relation is she to Miss Havisham?" + </p> + <p> + "None," said he. "Only adopted." + </p> + <p> + "Why should she wreak revenge on all the male sex? What revenge?" + </p> + <p> + "Lord, Mr. Pip!" said he. "Don't you know?" + </p> + <p> + "No," said I. + </p> + <p> + "Dear me! It's quite a story, and shall be saved till dinner-time. And now + let me take the liberty of asking you a question. How did you come there, + that day?" + </p> + <p> + I told him, and he was attentive until I had finished, and then burst out + laughing again, and asked me if I was sore afterwards? I didn't ask him if + <i>he</i> was, for my conviction on that point was perfectly established. + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Jaggers is your guardian, I understand?" he went on. + </p> + <p> + "Yes." + </p> + <p> + "You know he is Miss Havisham's man of business and solicitor, and has her + confidence when nobody else has?" + </p> + <p> + This was bringing me (I felt) towards dangerous ground. I answered with a + constraint I made no attempt to disguise, that I had seen Mr. Jaggers in + Miss Havisham's house on the very day of our combat, but never at any + other time, and that I believed he had no recollection of having ever seen + me there. + </p> + <p> + "He was so obliging as to suggest my father for your tutor, and he called + on my father to propose it. Of course he knew about my father from his + connection with Miss Havisham. My father is Miss Havisham's cousin; not + that that implies familiar intercourse between them, for he is a bad + courtier and will not propitiate her." + </p> + <p> + Herbert Pocket had a frank and easy way with him that was very taking. I + had never seen any one then, and I have never seen any one since, who more + strongly expressed to me, in every look and tone, a natural incapacity to + do anything secret and mean. There was something wonderfully hopeful about + his general air, and something that at the same time whispered to me he + would never be very successful or rich. I don't know how this was. I + became imbued with the notion on that first occasion before we sat down to + dinner, but I cannot define by what means. + </p> + <p> + He was still a pale young gentleman, and had a certain conquered languor + about him in the midst of his spirits and briskness, that did not seem + indicative of natural strength. He had not a handsome face, but it was + better than handsome: being extremely amiable and cheerful. His figure was + a little ungainly, as in the days when my knuckles had taken such + liberties with it, but it looked as if it would always be light and young. + Whether Mr. Trabb's local work would have sat more gracefully on him than + on me, may be a question; but I am conscious that he carried off his + rather old clothes much better than I carried off my new suit. + </p> + <p> + As he was so communicative, I felt that reserve on my part would be a bad + return unsuited to our years. I therefore told him my small story, and + laid stress on my being forbidden to inquire who my benefactor was. I + further mentioned that as I had been brought up a blacksmith in a country + place, and knew very little of the ways of politeness, I would take it as + a great kindness in him if he would give me a hint whenever he saw me at a + loss or going wrong. + </p> + <p> + "With pleasure," said he, "though I venture to prophesy that you'll want + very few hints. I dare say we shall be often together, and I should like + to banish any needless restraint between us. Will you do me the favour to + begin at once to call me by my Christian name, Herbert?" + </p> + <p> + I thanked him and said I would. I informed him in exchange that my + Christian name was Philip. + </p> + <p> + "I don't take to Philip," said he, smiling, "for it sounds like a moral + boy out of the spelling-book, who was so lazy that he fell into a pond, or + so fat that he couldn't see out of his eyes, or so avaricious that he + locked up his cake till the mice ate it, or so determined to go a + bird's-nesting that he got himself eaten by bears who lived handy in the + neighborhood. I tell you what I should like. We are so harmonious, and you + have been a blacksmith,—-would you mind it?" + </p> + <p> + "I shouldn't mind anything that you propose," I answered, "but I don't + understand you." + </p> + <p> + "Would you mind Handel for a familiar name? There's a charming piece of + music by Handel, called the Harmonious Blacksmith." + </p> + <p> + "I should like it very much." + </p> + <p> + "Then, my dear Handel," said he, turning round as the door opened, "here + is the dinner, and I must beg of you to take the top of the table, because + the dinner is of your providing." + </p> + <p> + This I would not hear of, so he took the top, and I faced him. It was a + nice little dinner,—seemed to me then a very Lord Mayor's Feast,—and + it acquired additional relish from being eaten under those independent + circumstances, with no old people by, and with London all around us. This + again was heightened by a certain gypsy character that set the banquet + off; for while the table was, as Mr. Pumblechook might have said, the lap + of luxury,—being entirely furnished forth from the coffee-house,—the + circumjacent region of sitting-room was of a comparatively pastureless and + shifty character; imposing on the waiter the wandering habits of putting + the covers on the floor (where he fell over them), the melted butter in + the arm-chair, the bread on the bookshelves, the cheese in the + coal-scuttle, and the boiled fowl into my bed in the next room,—where + I found much of its parsley and butter in a state of congelation when I + retired for the night. All this made the feast delightful, and when the + waiter was not there to watch me, my pleasure was without alloy. + </p> + <p> + We had made some progress in the dinner, when I reminded Herbert of his + promise to tell me about Miss Havisham. + </p> + <p> + "True," he replied. "I'll redeem it at once. Let me introduce the topic, + Handel, by mentioning that in London it is not the custom to put the knife + in the mouth,—for fear of accidents,—and that while the fork + is reserved for that use, it is not put further in than necessary. It is + scarcely worth mentioning, only it's as well to do as other people do. + Also, the spoon is not generally used over-hand, but under. This has two + advantages. You get at your mouth better (which after all is the object), + and you save a good deal of the attitude of opening oysters, on the part + of the right elbow." + </p> + <p> + He offered these friendly suggestions in such a lively way, that we both + laughed and I scarcely blushed. + </p> + <p> + "Now," he pursued, "concerning Miss Havisham. Miss Havisham, you must + know, was a spoilt child. Her mother died when she was a baby, and her + father denied her nothing. Her father was a country gentleman down in your + part of the world, and was a brewer. I don't know why it should be a crack + thing to be a brewer; but it is indisputable that while you cannot + possibly be genteel and bake, you may be as genteel as never was and brew. + You see it every day." + </p> + <p> + "Yet a gentleman may not keep a public-house; may he?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "Not on any account," returned Herbert; "but a public-house may keep a + gentleman. Well! Mr. Havisham was very rich and very proud. So was his + daughter." + </p> + <p> + "Miss Havisham was an only child?" I hazarded. + </p> + <p> + "Stop a moment, I am coming to that. No, she was not an only child; she + had a half-brother. Her father privately married again—his cook, I + rather think." + </p> + <p> + "I thought he was proud," said I. + </p> + <p> + "My good Handel, so he was. He married his second wife privately, because + he was proud, and in course of time <i>she</i> died. When she was dead, I + apprehend he first told his daughter what he had done, and then the son + became a part of the family, residing in the house you are acquainted + with. As the son grew a young man, he turned out riotous, extravagant, + undutiful,—altogether bad. At last his father disinherited him; but + he softened when he was dying, and left him well off, though not nearly so + well off as Miss Havisham.—Take another glass of wine, and excuse my + mentioning that society as a body does not expect one to be so strictly + conscientious in emptying one's glass, as to turn it bottom upwards with + the rim on one's nose." + </p> + <p> + I had been doing this, in an excess of attention to his recital. I thanked + him, and apologized. He said, "Not at all," and resumed. + </p> + <p> + "Miss Havisham was now an heiress, and you may suppose was looked after as + a great match. Her half-brother had now ample means again, but what with + debts and what with new madness wasted them most fearfully again. There + were stronger differences between him and her than there had been between + him and his father, and it is suspected that he cherished a deep and + mortal grudge against her as having influenced the father's anger. Now, I + come to the cruel part of the story,—merely breaking off, my dear + Handel, to remark that a dinner-napkin will not go into a tumbler." + </p> + <p> + Why I was trying to pack mine into my tumbler, I am wholly unable to say. + I only know that I found myself, with a perseverance worthy of a much + better cause, making the most strenuous exertions to compress it within + those limits. Again I thanked him and apologized, and again he said in the + cheerfullest manner, "Not at all, I am sure!" and resumed. + </p> + <p> + "There appeared upon the scene—say at the races, or the public + balls, or anywhere else you like—a certain man, who made love to + Miss Havisham. I never saw him (for this happened five-and-twenty years + ago, before you and I were, Handel), but I have heard my father mention + that he was a showy man, and the kind of man for the purpose. But that he + was not to be, without ignorance or prejudice, mistaken for a gentleman, + my father most strongly asseverates; because it is a principle of his that + no man who was not a true gentleman at heart ever was, since the world + began, a true gentleman in manner. He says, no varnish can hide the grain + of the wood; and that the more varnish you put on, the more the grain will + express itself. Well! This man pursued Miss Havisham closely, and + professed to be devoted to her. I believe she had not shown much + susceptibility up to that time; but all the susceptibility she possessed + certainly came out then, and she passionately loved him. There is no doubt + that she perfectly idolized him. He practised on her affection in that + systematic way, that he got great sums of money from her, and he induced + her to buy her brother out of a share in the brewery (which had been + weakly left him by his father) at an immense price, on the plea that when + he was her husband he must hold and manage it all. Your guardian was not + at that time in Miss Havisham's counsels, and she was too haughty and too + much in love to be advised by any one. Her relations were poor and + scheming, with the exception of my father; he was poor enough, but not + time-serving or jealous. The only independent one among them, he warned + her that she was doing too much for this man, and was placing herself too + unreservedly in his power. She took the first opportunity of angrily + ordering my father out of the house, in his presence, and my father has + never seen her since." + </p> + <p> + I thought of her having said, "Matthew will come and see me at last when I + am laid dead upon that table;" and I asked Herbert whether his father was + so inveterate against her? + </p> + <p> + "It's not that," said he, "but she charged him, in the presence of her + intended husband, with being disappointed in the hope of fawning upon her + for his own advancement, and, if he were to go to her now, it would look + true—even to him—and even to her. To return to the man and + make an end of him. The marriage day was fixed, the wedding dresses were + bought, the wedding tour was planned out, the wedding guests were invited. + The day came, but not the bridegroom. He wrote her a letter—" + </p> + <p> + "Which she received," I struck in, "when she was dressing for her + marriage? At twenty minutes to nine?" + </p> + <p> + "At the hour and minute," said Herbert, nodding, "at which she afterwards + stopped all the clocks. What was in it, further than that it most + heartlessly broke the marriage off, I can't tell you, because I don't + know. When she recovered from a bad illness that she had, she laid the + whole place waste, as you have seen it, and she has never since looked + upon the light of day." + </p> + <p> + "Is that all the story?" I asked, after considering it. + </p> + <p> + "All I know of it; and indeed I only know so much, through piecing it out + for myself; for my father always avoids it, and, even when Miss Havisham + invited me to go there, told me no more of it than it was absolutely + requisite I should understand. But I have forgotten one thing. It has been + supposed that the man to whom she gave her misplaced confidence acted + throughout in concert with her half-brother; that it was a conspiracy + between them; and that they shared the profits." + </p> + <p> + "I wonder he didn't marry her and get all the property," said I. + </p> + <p> + "He may have been married already, and her cruel mortification may have + been a part of her half-brother's scheme," said Herbert. "Mind! I don't + know that." + </p> + <p> + "What became of the two men?" I asked, after again considering the + subject. + </p> + <p> + "They fell into deeper shame and degradation—if there can be deeper—and + ruin." + </p> + <p> + "Are they alive now?" + </p> + <p> + "I don't know." + </p> + <p> + "You said just now that Estella was not related to Miss Havisham, but + adopted. When adopted?" + </p> + <p> + Herbert shrugged his shoulders. "There has always been an Estella, since I + have heard of a Miss Havisham. I know no more. And now, Handel," said he, + finally throwing off the story as it were, "there is a perfectly open + understanding between us. All that I know about Miss Havisham, you know." + </p> + <p> + "And all that I know," I retorted, "you know." + </p> + <p> + "I fully believe it. So there can be no competition or perplexity between + you and me. And as to the condition on which you hold your advancement in + life,—namely, that you are not to inquire or discuss to whom you owe + it,—you may be very sure that it will never be encroached upon, or + even approached, by me, or by any one belonging to me." + </p> + <p> + In truth, he said this with so much delicacy, that I felt the subject done + with, even though I should be under his father's roof for years and years + to come. Yet he said it with so much meaning, too, that I felt he as + perfectly understood Miss Havisham to be my benefactress, as I understood + the fact myself. + </p> + <p> + It had not occurred to me before, that he had led up to the theme for the + purpose of clearing it out of our way; but we were so much the lighter and + easier for having broached it, that I now perceived this to be the case. + We were very gay and sociable, and I asked him, in the course of + conversation, what he was? He replied, "A capitalist,—an Insurer of + Ships." I suppose he saw me glancing about the room in search of some + tokens of Shipping, or capital, for he added, "In the City." + </p> + <p> + I had grand ideas of the wealth and importance of Insurers of Ships in the + City, and I began to think with awe of having laid a young Insurer on his + back, blackened his enterprising eye, and cut his responsible head open. + But again there came upon me, for my relief, that odd impression that + Herbert Pocket would never be very successful or rich. + </p> + <p> + "I shall not rest satisfied with merely employing my capital in insuring + ships. I shall buy up some good Life Assurance shares, and cut into the + Direction. I shall also do a little in the mining way. None of these + things will interfere with my chartering a few thousand tons on my own + account. I think I shall trade," said he, leaning back in his chair, "to + the East Indies, for silks, shawls, spices, dyes, drugs, and precious + woods. It's an interesting trade." + </p> + <p> + "And the profits are large?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "Tremendous!" said he. + </p> + <p> + I wavered again, and began to think here were greater expectations than my + own. + </p> +<div class="fig" > + <img src="images/0189m.jpg" alt="0189m " /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/0189.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + "I think I shall trade, also," said he, putting his thumbs in his + waist-coat pockets, "to the West Indies, for sugar, tobacco, and rum. Also + to Ceylon, specially for elephants' tusks." + </p> + <p> + "You will want a good many ships," said I. + </p> + <p> + "A perfect fleet," said he. + </p> + <p> + Quite overpowered by the magnificence of these transactions, I asked him + where the ships he insured mostly traded to at present? + </p> + <p> + "I haven't begun insuring yet," he replied. "I am looking about me." + </p> + <p> + Somehow, that pursuit seemed more in keeping with Barnard's Inn. I said + (in a tone of conviction), "Ah-h!" + </p> + <p> + "Yes. I am in a counting-house, and looking about me." + </p> + <p> + "Is a counting-house profitable?" I asked. + </p> + <p> + "To—do you mean to the young fellow who's in it?" he asked, in + reply. + </p> + <p> + "Yes; to you." + </p> + <p> + "Why, n-no; not to me." He said this with the air of one carefully + reckoning up and striking a balance. "Not directly profitable. That is, it + doesn't pay me anything, and I have to—keep myself." + </p> + <p> + This certainly had not a profitable appearance, and I shook my head as if + I would imply that it would be difficult to lay by much accumulative + capital from such a source of income. + </p> + <p> + "But the thing is," said Herbert Pocket, "that you look about you. <i>That's</i> + the grand thing. You are in a counting-house, you know, and you look about + you." + </p> + <p> + It struck me as a singular implication that you couldn't be out of a + counting-house, you know, and look about you; but I silently deferred to + his experience. + </p> + <p> + "Then the time comes," said Herbert, "when you see your opening. And you + go in, and you swoop upon it and you make your capital, and then there you + are! When you have once made your capital, you have nothing to do but + employ it." + </p> + <p> + This was very like his way of conducting that encounter in the garden; + very like. His manner of bearing his poverty, too, exactly corresponded to + his manner of bearing that defeat. It seemed to me that he took all blows + and buffets now with just the same air as he had taken mine then. It was + evident that he had nothing around him but the simplest necessaries, for + everything that I remarked upon turned out to have been sent in on my + account from the coffee-house or somewhere else. + </p> + <p> + Yet, having already made his fortune in his own mind, he was so unassuming + with it that I felt quite grateful to him for not being puffed up. It was + a pleasant addition to his naturally pleasant ways, and we got on + famously. In the evening we went out for a walk in the streets, and went + half-price to the Theatre; and next day we went to church at Westminster + Abbey, and in the afternoon we walked in the Parks; and I wondered who + shod all the horses there, and wished Joe did. + </p> + <p> + On a moderate computation, it was many months, that Sunday, since I had + left Joe and Biddy. The space interposed between myself and them partook + of that expansion, and our marshes were any distance off. That I could + have been at our old church in my old church-going clothes, on the very + last Sunday that ever was, seemed a combination of impossibilities, + geographical and social, solar and lunar. Yet in the London streets so + crowded with people and so brilliantly lighted in the dusk of evening, + there were depressing hints of reproaches for that I had put the poor old + kitchen at home so far away; and in the dead of night, the footsteps of + some incapable impostor of a porter mooning about Barnard's Inn, under + pretence of watching it, fell hollow on my heart. + </p> + <p> + On the Monday morning at a quarter before nine, Herbert went to the + counting-house to report himself,—to look about him, too, I suppose,—and + I bore him company. He was to come away in an hour or two to attend me to + Hammersmith, and I was to wait about for him. It appeared to me that the + eggs from which young Insurers were hatched were incubated in dust and + heat, like the eggs of ostriches, judging from the places to which those + incipient giants repaired on a Monday morning. Nor did the counting-house + where Herbert assisted, show in my eyes as at all a good Observatory; + being a back second floor up a yard, of a grimy presence in all + particulars, and with a look into another back second floor, rather than a + look out. + </p> + <p> + I waited about until it was noon, and I went upon 'Change, and I saw fluey + men sitting there under the bills about shipping, whom I took to be great + merchants, though I couldn't understand why they should all be out of + spirits. When Herbert came, we went and had lunch at a celebrated house + which I then quite venerated, but now believe to have been the most abject + superstition in Europe, and where I could not help noticing, even then, + that there was much more gravy on the tablecloths and knives and waiters' + clothes, than in the steaks. This collation disposed of at a moderate + price (considering the grease, which was not charged for), we went back to + Barnard's Inn and got my little portmanteau, and then took coach for + Hammersmith. We arrived there at two or three o'clock in the afternoon, + and had very little way to walk to Mr. Pocket's house. Lifting the latch + of a gate, we passed direct into a little garden overlooking the river, + where Mr. Pocket's children were playing about. And unless I deceive + myself on a point where my interests or prepossessions are certainly not + concerned, I saw that Mr. and Mrs. Pocket's children were not growing up + or being brought up, but were tumbling up. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Pocket was sitting on a garden chair under a tree, reading, with her + legs upon another garden chair; and Mrs. Pocket's two nurse-maids were + looking about them while the children played. "Mamma," said Herbert, "this + is young Mr. Pip." Upon which Mrs. Pocket received me with an appearance + of amiable dignity. + </p> + <p> + "Master Alick and Miss Jane," cried one of the nurses to two of the + children, "if you go a bouncing up against them bushes you'll fall over + into the river and be drownded, and what'll your pa say then?" + </p> + <p> + At the same time this nurse picked up Mrs. Pocket's handkerchief, and + said, "If that don't make six times you've dropped it, Mum!" Upon which + Mrs. Pocket laughed and said, "Thank you, Flopson," and settling herself + in one chair only, resumed her book. Her countenance immediately assumed a + knitted and intent expression as if she had been reading for a week, but + before she could have read half a dozen lines, she fixed her eyes upon me, + and said, "I hope your mamma is quite well?" This unexpected inquiry put + me into such a difficulty that I began saying in the absurdest way that if + there had been any such person I had no doubt she would have been quite + well and would have been very much obliged and would have sent her + compliments, when the nurse came to my rescue. + </p> + <p> + "Well!" she cried, picking up the pocket-handkerchief, "if that don't make + seven times! What ARE you a doing of this afternoon, Mum!" Mrs. Pocket + received her property, at first with a look of unutterable surprise as if + she had never seen it before, and then with a laugh of recognition, and + said, "Thank you, Flopson," and forgot me, and went on reading. + </p> + <p> + I found, now I had leisure to count them, that there were no fewer than + six little Pockets present, in various stages of tumbling up. I had + scarcely arrived at the total when a seventh was heard, as in the region + of air, wailing dolefully. + </p> + <p> + "If there ain't Baby!" said Flopson, appearing to think it most + surprising. "Make haste up, Millers." + </p> + <p> + Millers, who was the other nurse, retired into the house, and by degrees + the child's wailing was hushed and stopped, as if it were a young + ventriloquist with something in its mouth. Mrs. Pocket read all the time, + and I was curious to know what the book could be. + </p> + <p> + We were waiting, I supposed, for Mr. Pocket to come out to us; at any rate + we waited there, and so I had an opportunity of observing the remarkable + family phenomenon that whenever any of the children strayed near Mrs. + Pocket in their play, they always tripped themselves up and tumbled over + her,—always very much to her momentary astonishment, and their own + more enduring lamentation. I was at a loss to account for this surprising + circumstance, and could not help giving my mind to speculations about it, + until by and by Millers came down with the baby, which baby was handed to + Flopson, which Flopson was handing it to Mrs. Pocket, when she too went + fairly head foremost over Mrs. Pocket, baby and all, and was caught by + Herbert and myself. + </p> + <p> + "Gracious me, Flopson!" said Mrs. Pocket, looking off her book for a + moment, "everybody's tumbling!" + </p> + <p> + "Gracious you, indeed, Mum!" returned Flopson, very red in the face; "what + have you got there?" + </p> + <p> + "<i>I</i> got here, Flopson?" asked Mrs. Pocket. + </p> + <p> + "Why, if it ain't your footstool!" cried Flopson. "And if you keep it + under your skirts like that, who's to help tumbling? Here! Take the baby, + Mum, and give me your book." + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Pocket acted on the advice, and inexpertly danced the infant a little + in her lap, while the other children played about it. This had lasted but + a very short time, when Mrs. Pocket issued summary orders that they were + all to be taken into the house for a nap. Thus I made the second discovery + on that first occasion, that the nurture of the little Pockets consisted + of alternately tumbling up and lying down. + </p> + <p> + Under these circumstances, when Flopson and Millers had got the children + into the house, like a little flock of sheep, and Mr. Pocket came out of + it to make my acquaintance, I was not much surprised to find that Mr. + Pocket was a gentleman with a rather perplexed expression of face, and + with his very gray hair disordered on his head, as if he didn't quite see + his way to putting anything straight. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0023" id="link2HCH0023"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XXIII + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">M</span>r. Pocket said he was glad to see me, and he hoped I was not sorry to see + him. "For, I really am not," he added, with his son's smile, "an alarming + personage." He was a young-looking man, in spite of his perplexities and + his very gray hair, and his manner seemed quite natural. I use the word + natural, in the sense of its being unaffected; there was something comic + in his distraught way, as though it would have been downright ludicrous + but for his own perception that it was very near being so. When he had + talked with me a little, he said to Mrs. Pocket, with a rather anxious + contraction of his eyebrows, which were black and handsome, "Belinda, I + hope you have welcomed Mr. Pip?" And she looked up from her book, and + said, "Yes." She then smiled upon me in an absent state of mind, and asked + me if I liked the taste of orange-flower water? As the question had no + bearing, near or remote, on any foregone or subsequent transaction, I + consider it to have been thrown out, like her previous approaches, in + general conversational condescension. + </p> + <p> + I found out within a few hours, and may mention at once, that Mrs. Pocket + was the only daughter of a certain quite accidental deceased Knight, who + had invented for himself a conviction that his deceased father would have + been made a Baronet but for somebody's determined opposition arising out + of entirely personal motives,—I forget whose, if I ever knew,—the + Sovereign's, the Prime Minister's, the Lord Chancellor's, the Archbishop + of Canterbury's, anybody's,—and had tacked himself on to the nobles + of the earth in right of this quite supposititious fact. I believe he had + been knighted himself for storming the English grammar at the point of the + pen, in a desperate address engrossed on vellum, on the occasion of the + laying of the first stone of some building or other, and for handing some + Royal Personage either the trowel or the mortar. Be that as it may, he had + directed Mrs. Pocket to be brought up from her cradle as one who in the + nature of things must marry a title, and who was to be guarded from the + acquisition of plebeian domestic knowledge. + </p> + <p> + So successful a watch and ward had been established over the young lady by + this judicious parent, that she had grown up highly ornamental, but + perfectly helpless and useless. With her character thus happily formed, in + the first bloom of her youth she had encountered Mr. Pocket: who was also + in the first bloom of youth, and not quite decided whether to mount to the + Woolsack, or to roof himself in with a mitre. As his doing the one or the + other was a mere question of time, he and Mrs. Pocket had taken Time by + the forelock (when, to judge from its length, it would seem to have wanted + cutting), and had married without the knowledge of the judicious parent. + The judicious parent, having nothing to bestow or withhold but his + blessing, had handsomely settled that dower upon them after a short + struggle, and had informed Mr. Pocket that his wife was "a treasure for a + Prince." Mr. Pocket had invested the Prince's treasure in the ways of the + world ever since, and it was supposed to have brought him in but + indifferent interest. Still, Mrs. Pocket was in general the object of a + queer sort of respectful pity, because she had not married a title; while + Mr. Pocket was the object of a queer sort of forgiving reproach, because + he had never got one. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Pocket took me into the house and showed me my room: which was a + pleasant one, and so furnished as that I could use it with comfort for my + own private sitting-room. He then knocked at the doors of two other + similar rooms, and introduced me to their occupants, by name Drummle and + Startop. Drummle, an old-looking young man of a heavy order of + architecture, was whistling. Startop, younger in years and appearance, was + reading and holding his head, as if he thought himself in danger of + exploding it with too strong a charge of knowledge. + </p> + <p> + Both Mr. and Mrs. Pocket had such a noticeable air of being in somebody + else's hands, that I wondered who really was in possession of the house + and let them live there, until I found this unknown power to be the + servants. It was a smooth way of going on, perhaps, in respect of saving + trouble; but it had the appearance of being expensive, for the servants + felt it a duty they owed to themselves to be nice in their eating and + drinking, and to keep a deal of company down stairs. They allowed a very + liberal table to Mr. and Mrs. Pocket, yet it always appeared to me that by + far the best part of the house to have boarded in would have been the + kitchen,—always supposing the boarder capable of self-defence, for, + before I had been there a week, a neighboring lady with whom the family + were personally unacquainted, wrote in to say that she had seen Millers + slapping the baby. This greatly distressed Mrs. Pocket, who burst into + tears on receiving the note, and said that it was an extraordinary thing + that the neighbors couldn't mind their own business. + </p> + <p> + By degrees I learnt, and chiefly from Herbert, that Mr. Pocket had been + educated at Harrow and at Cambridge, where he had distinguished himself; + but that when he had had the happiness of marrying Mrs. Pocket very early + in life, he had impaired his prospects and taken up the calling of a + Grinder. After grinding a number of dull blades,—of whom it was + remarkable that their fathers, when influential, were always going to help + him to preferment, but always forgot to do it when the blades had left the + Grindstone,—he had wearied of that poor work and had come to London. + Here, after gradually failing in loftier hopes, he had "read" with divers + who had lacked opportunities or neglected them, and had refurbished divers + others for special occasions, and had turned his acquirements to the + account of literary compilation and correction, and on such means, added + to some very moderate private resources, still maintained the house I saw. + </p> + <p> + Mr. and Mrs. Pocket had a toady neighbor; a widow lady of that highly + sympathetic nature that she agreed with everybody, blessed everybody, and + shed smiles and tears on everybody, according to circumstances. This + lady's name was Mrs. Coiler, and I had the honor of taking her down to + dinner on the day of my installation. She gave me to understand on the + stairs, that it was a blow to dear Mrs. Pocket that dear Mr. Pocket should + be under the necessity of receiving gentlemen to read with him. That did + not extend to me, she told me in a gush of love and confidence (at that + time, I had known her something less than five minutes); if they were all + like Me, it would be quite another thing. + </p> + <p> + "But dear Mrs. Pocket," said Mrs. Coiler, "after her early disappointment + (not that dear Mr. Pocket was to blame in that), requires so much luxury + and elegance—" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, ma'am," I said, to stop her, for I was afraid she was going to cry. + </p> + <p> + "And she is of so aristocratic a disposition—" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, ma'am," I said again, with the same object as before. + </p> + <p> + "—That it <i>is</i> hard," said Mrs. Coiler, "to have dear Mr. Pocket's + time and attention diverted from dear Mrs. Pocket." + </p> + <p> + I could not help thinking that it might be harder if the butcher's time + and attention were diverted from dear Mrs. Pocket; but I said nothing, and + indeed had enough to do in keeping a bashful watch upon my company + manners. + </p> + <p> + It came to my knowledge, through what passed between Mrs. Pocket and + Drummle while I was attentive to my knife and fork, spoon, glasses, and + other instruments of self-destruction, that Drummle, whose Christian name + was Bentley, was actually the next heir but one to a baronetcy. It further + appeared that the book I had seen Mrs. Pocket reading in the garden was + all about titles, and that she knew the exact date at which her grandpapa + would have come into the book, if he ever had come at all. Drummle didn't + say much, but in his limited way (he struck me as a sulky kind of fellow) + he spoke as one of the elect, and recognized Mrs. Pocket as a woman and a + sister. No one but themselves and Mrs. Coiler the toady neighbor showed + any interest in this part of the conversation, and it appeared to me that + it was painful to Herbert; but it promised to last a long time, when the + page came in with the announcement of a domestic affliction. It was, in + effect, that the cook had mislaid the beef. To my unutterable amazement, I + now, for the first time, saw Mr. Pocket relieve his mind by going through + a performance that struck me as very extraordinary, but which made no + impression on anybody else, and with which I soon became as familiar as + the rest. He laid down the carving-knife and fork,—being engaged in + carving, at the moment,—put his two hands into his disturbed hair, + and appeared to make an extraordinary effort to lift himself up by it. + When he had done this, and had not lifted himself up at all, he quietly + went on with what he was about. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Coiler then changed the subject and began to flatter me. I liked it + for a few moments, but she flattered me so very grossly that the pleasure + was soon over. She had a serpentine way of coming close at me when she + pretended to be vitally interested in the friends and localities I had + left, which was altogether snaky and fork-tongued; and when she made an + occasional bounce upon Startop (who said very little to her), or upon + Drummle (who said less), I rather envied them for being on the opposite + side of the table. + </p> + <p> + After dinner the children were introduced, and Mrs. Coiler made admiring + comments on their eyes, noses, and legs,—a sagacious way of + improving their minds. There were four little girls, and two little boys, + besides the baby who might have been either, and the baby's next successor + who was as yet neither. They were brought in by Flopson and Millers, much + as though those two non-commissioned officers had been recruiting + somewhere for children and had enlisted these, while Mrs. Pocket looked at + the young Nobles that ought to have been as if she rather thought she had + had the pleasure of inspecting them before, but didn't quite know what to + make of them. + </p> + <p> + "Here! Give me your fork, Mum, and take the baby," said Flopson. "Don't + take it that way, or you'll get its head under the table." + </p> + <p> + Thus advised, Mrs. Pocket took it the other way, and got its head upon the + table; which was announced to all present by a prodigious concussion. + </p> + <p> + "Dear, dear! Give it me back, Mum," said Flopson; "and Miss Jane, come and + dance to baby, do!" + </p> + <p> + One of the little girls, a mere mite who seemed to have prematurely taken + upon herself some charge of the others, stepped out of her place by me, + and danced to and from the baby until it left off crying, and laughed. + Then, all the children laughed, and Mr. Pocket (who in the meantime had + twice endeavored to lift himself up by the hair) laughed, and we all + laughed and were glad. + </p> + <p> + Flopson, by dint of doubling the baby at the joints like a Dutch doll, + then got it safely into Mrs. Pocket's lap, and gave it the nut-crackers to + play with; at the same time recommending Mrs. Pocket to take notice that + the handles of that instrument were not likely to agree with its eyes, and + sharply charging Miss Jane to look after the same. Then, the two nurses + left the room, and had a lively scuffle on the staircase with a dissipated + page who had waited at dinner, and who had clearly lost half his buttons + at the gaming-table. + </p> + <p> + I was made very uneasy in my mind by Mrs. Pocket's falling into a + discussion with Drummle respecting two baronetcies, while she ate a sliced + orange steeped in sugar and wine, and, forgetting all about the baby on + her lap, who did most appalling things with the nut-crackers. At length + little Jane, perceiving its young brains to be imperilled, softly left her + place, and with many small artifices coaxed the dangerous weapon away. + Mrs. Pocket finishing her orange at about the same time, and not approving + of this, said to Jane,— + </p> + <p> + "You naughty child, how dare you? Go and sit down this instant!" + </p> + <p> + "Mamma dear," lisped the little girl, "baby ood have put hith eyeth out." + </p> + <p> + "How dare you tell me so?" retorted Mrs. Pocket. "Go and sit down in your + chair this moment!" + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Pocket's dignity was so crushing, that I felt quite abashed, as if I + myself had done something to rouse it. + </p> + <p> + "Belinda," remonstrated Mr. Pocket, from the other end of the table, "how + can you be so unreasonable? Jane only interfered for the protection of + baby." + </p> + <p> + "I will not allow anybody to interfere," said Mrs. Pocket. "I am + surprised, Matthew, that you should expose me to the affront of + interference." + </p> + <p> + "Good God!" cried Mr. Pocket, in an outbreak of desolate desperation. "Are + infants to be nut-crackered into their tombs, and is nobody to save them?" + </p> + <p> + "I will not be interfered with by Jane," said Mrs. Pocket, with a majestic + glance at that innocent little offender. "I hope I know my poor + grandpapa's position. Jane, indeed!" + </p> + <p> + Mr. Pocket got his hands in his hair again, and this time really did lift + himself some inches out of his chair. "Hear this!" he helplessly exclaimed + to the elements. "Babies are to be nut-crackered dead, for people's poor + grandpapa's positions!" Then he let himself down again, and became silent. + </p> + <p> + We all looked awkwardly at the tablecloth while this was going on. A pause + succeeded, during which the honest and irrepressible baby made a series of + leaps and crows at little Jane, who appeared to me to be the only member + of the family (irrespective of servants) with whom it had any decided + acquaintance. + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Drummle," said Mrs. Pocket, "will you ring for Flopson? Jane, you + undutiful little thing, go and lie down. Now, baby darling, come with ma!" + </p> + <p> + The baby was the soul of honor, and protested with all its might. It + doubled itself up the wrong way over Mrs. Pocket's arm, exhibited a pair + of knitted shoes and dimpled ankles to the company in lieu of its soft + face, and was carried out in the highest state of mutiny. And it gained + its point after all, for I saw it through the window within a few minutes, + being nursed by little Jane. + </p> + <p> + It happened that the other five children were left behind at the + dinner-table, through Flopson's having some private engagement, and their + not being anybody else's business. I thus became aware of the mutual + relations between them and Mr. Pocket, which were exemplified in the + following manner. Mr. Pocket, with the normal perplexity of his face + heightened and his hair rumpled, looked at them for some minutes, as if he + couldn't make out how they came to be boarding and lodging in that + establishment, and why they hadn't been billeted by Nature on somebody + else. Then, in a distant Missionary way he asked them certain questions,—as + why little Joe had that hole in his frill, who said, Pa, Flopson was going + to mend it when she had time,—and how little Fanny came by that + whitlow, who said, Pa, Millers was going to poultice it when she didn't + forget. Then, he melted into parental tenderness, and gave them a shilling + apiece and told them to go and play; and then as they went out, with one + very strong effort to lift himself up by the hair he dismissed the + hopeless subject. + </p> + <p> + In the evening there was rowing on the river. As Drummle and Startop had + each a boat, I resolved to set up mine, and to cut them both out. I was + pretty good at most exercises in which country boys are adepts, but as I + was conscious of wanting elegance of style for the Thames,—not to + say for other waters,—I at once engaged to place myself under the + tuition of the winner of a prize-wherry who plied at our stairs, and to + whom I was introduced by my new allies. This practical authority confused + me very much by saying I had the arm of a blacksmith. If he could have + known how nearly the compliment lost him his pupil, I doubt if he would + have paid it. + </p> + <p> + There was a supper-tray after we got home at night, and I think we should + all have enjoyed ourselves, but for a rather disagreeable domestic + occurrence. Mr. Pocket was in good spirits, when a housemaid came in, and + said, "If you please, sir, I should wish to speak to you." + </p> + <p> + "Speak to your master?" said Mrs. Pocket, whose dignity was roused again. + "How can you think of such a thing? Go and speak to Flopson. Or speak to + me—at some other time." + </p> + <p> + "Begging your pardon, ma'am," returned the housemaid, "I should wish to + speak at once, and to speak to master." + </p> + <p> + Hereupon, Mr. Pocket went out of the room, and we made the best of + ourselves until he came back. + </p> + <p> + "This is a pretty thing, Belinda!" said Mr. Pocket, returning with a + countenance expressive of grief and despair. "Here's the cook lying + insensibly drunk on the kitchen floor, with a large bundle of fresh butter + made up in the cupboard ready to sell for grease!" + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Pocket instantly showed much amiable emotion, and said, "This is that + odious Sophia's doing!" + </p> + <p> + "What do you mean, Belinda?" demanded Mr. Pocket. + </p> + <p> + "Sophia has told you," said Mrs. Pocket. "Did I not see her with my own + eyes and hear her with my own ears, come into the room just now and ask to + speak to you?" + </p> + <p> + "But has she not taken me down stairs, Belinda," returned Mr. Pocket, "and + shown me the woman, and the bundle too?" + </p> + <p> + "And do you defend her, Matthew," said Mrs. Pocket, "for making mischief?" + </p> + <p> + Mr. Pocket uttered a dismal groan. + </p> + <p> + "Am I, grandpapa's granddaughter, to be nothing in the house?" said Mrs. + Pocket. "Besides, the cook has always been a very nice respectful woman, + and said in the most natural manner when she came to look after the + situation, that she felt I was born to be a Duchess." + </p> + <p> + There was a sofa where Mr. Pocket stood, and he dropped upon it in the + attitude of the Dying Gladiator. Still in that attitude he said, with a + hollow voice, "Good night, Mr. Pip," when I deemed it advisable to go to + bed and leave him. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0024" id="link2HCH0024"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XXIV + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">A</span>fter two or three days, when I had established myself in my room and had + gone backwards and forwards to London several times, and had ordered all I + wanted of my tradesmen, Mr. Pocket and I had a long talk together. He knew + more of my intended career than I knew myself, for he referred to his + having been told by Mr. Jaggers that I was not designed for any + profession, and that I should be well enough educated for my destiny if I + could "hold my own" with the average of young men in prosperous + circumstances. I acquiesced, of course, knowing nothing to the contrary. + </p> + <p> + He advised my attending certain places in London, for the acquisition of + such mere rudiments as I wanted, and my investing him with the functions + of explainer and director of all my studies. He hoped that with + intelligent assistance I should meet with little to discourage me, and + should soon be able to dispense with any aid but his. Through his way of + saying this, and much more to similar purpose, he placed himself on + confidential terms with me in an admirable manner; and I may state at once + that he was always so zealous and honorable in fulfilling his compact with + me, that he made me zealous and honorable in fulfilling mine with him. If + he had shown indifference as a master, I have no doubt I should have + returned the compliment as a pupil; he gave me no such excuse, and each of + us did the other justice. Nor did I ever regard him as having anything + ludicrous about him—or anything but what was serious, honest, and + good—in his tutor communication with me. + </p> + <p> + When these points were settled, and so far carried out as that I had begun + to work in earnest, it occurred to me that if I could retain my bedroom in + Barnard's Inn, my life would be agreeably varied, while my manners would + be none the worse for Herbert's society. Mr. Pocket did not object to this + arrangement, but urged that before any step could possibly be taken in it, + it must be submitted to my guardian. I felt that this delicacy arose out + of the consideration that the plan would save Herbert some expense, so I + went off to Little Britain and imparted my wish to Mr. Jaggers. + </p> + <p> + "If I could buy the furniture now hired for me," said I, "and one or two + other little things, I should be quite at home there." + </p> + <p> + "Go it!" said Mr. Jaggers, with a short laugh. "I told you you'd get on. + Well! How much do you want?" + </p> + <p> + I said I didn't know how much. + </p> + <p> + "Come!" retorted Mr. Jaggers. "How much? Fifty pounds?" + </p> + <p> + "O, not nearly so much." + </p> + <p> + "Five pounds?" said Mr. Jaggers. + </p> + <p> + This was such a great fall, that I said in discomfiture, "O, more than + that." + </p> + <p> + "More than that, eh!" retorted Mr. Jaggers, lying in wait for me, with his + hands in his pockets, his head on one side, and his eyes on the wall + behind me; "how much more?" + </p> + <p> + "It is so difficult to fix a sum," said I, hesitating. + </p> + <p> + "Come!" said Mr. Jaggers. "Let's get at it. Twice five; will that do? + Three times five; will that do? Four times five; will that do?" + </p> + <p> + I said I thought that would do handsomely. + </p> + <p> + "Four times five will do handsomely, will it?" said Mr. Jaggers, knitting + his brows. "Now, what do you make of four times five?" + </p> + <p> + "What do I make of it?" + </p> + <p> + "Ah!" said Mr. Jaggers; "how much?" + </p> + <p> + "I suppose you make it twenty pounds," said I, smiling. + </p> + <p> + "Never mind what <i>I</i> make it, my friend," observed Mr. Jaggers, with a + knowing and contradictory toss of his head. "I want to know what <i>you</i> make + it." + </p> + <p> + "Twenty pounds, of course." + </p> + <p> + "Wemmick!" said Mr. Jaggers, opening his office door. "Take Mr. Pip's + written order, and pay him twenty pounds." + </p> + <p> + This strongly marked way of doing business made a strongly marked + impression on me, and that not of an agreeable kind. Mr. Jaggers never + laughed; but he wore great bright creaking boots, and, in poising himself + on these boots, with his large head bent down and his eyebrows joined + together, awaiting an answer, he sometimes caused the boots to creak, as + if <i>they</i> laughed in a dry and suspicious way. As he happened to go out now, + and as Wemmick was brisk and talkative, I said to Wemmick that I hardly + knew what to make of Mr. Jaggers's manner. + </p> + <p> + "Tell him that, and he'll take it as a compliment," answered Wemmick; "he + don't mean that you <i>should</i> know what to make of it.—Oh!" for I + looked surprised, "it's not personal; it's professional: only + professional." + </p> + <p> + Wemmick was at his desk, lunching—and crunching—on a dry hard + biscuit; pieces of which he threw from time to time into his slit of a + mouth, as if he were posting them. + </p> + <p> + "Always seems to me," said Wemmick, "as if he had set a man-trap and was + watching it. Suddenly-click—you're caught!" + </p> + <p> + Without remarking that man-traps were not among the amenities of life, I + said I supposed he was very skilful? + </p> + <p> + "Deep," said Wemmick, "as Australia." Pointing with his pen at the office + floor, to express that Australia was understood, for the purposes of the + figure, to be symmetrically on the opposite spot of the globe. "If there + was anything deeper," added Wemmick, bringing his pen to paper, "he'd be + it." + </p> + <p> + Then, I said I supposed he had a fine business, and Wemmick said, + "Ca-pi-tal!" Then I asked if there were many clerks? to which he replied,— + </p> + <p> + "We don't run much into clerks, because there's only one Jaggers, and + people won't have him at second hand. There are only four of us. Would you + like to see 'em? You are one of us, as I may say." + </p> + <p> + I accepted the offer. When Mr. Wemmick had put all the biscuit into the + post, and had paid me my money from a cash-box in a safe, the key of which + safe he kept somewhere down his back and produced from his coat-collar + like an iron-pigtail, we went up stairs. The house was dark and shabby, + and the greasy shoulders that had left their mark in Mr. Jaggers's room + seemed to have been shuffling up and down the staircase for years. In the + front first floor, a clerk who looked something between a publican and a + rat-catcher—a large pale, puffed, swollen man—was attentively + engaged with three or four people of shabby appearance, whom he treated as + unceremoniously as everybody seemed to be treated who contributed to Mr. + Jaggers's coffers. "Getting evidence together," said Mr. Wemmick, as we + came out, "for the Bailey." In the room over that, a little flabby terrier + of a clerk with dangling hair (his cropping seemed to have been forgotten + when he was a puppy) was similarly engaged with a man with weak eyes, whom + Mr. Wemmick presented to me as a smelter who kept his pot always boiling, + and who would melt me anything I pleased,—and who was in an + excessive white-perspiration, as if he had been trying his art on himself. + In a back room, a high-shouldered man with a face-ache tied up in dirty + flannel, who was dressed in old black clothes that bore the appearance of + having been waxed, was stooping over his work of making fair copies of the + notes of the other two gentlemen, for Mr. Jaggers's own use. + </p> + <p> + This was all the establishment. When we went down stairs again, Wemmick + led me into my guardian's room, and said, "This you've seen already." + </p> + <p> + "Pray," said I, as the two odious casts with the twitchy leer upon them + caught my sight again, "whose likenesses are those?" + </p> + <p> + "These?" said Wemmick, getting upon a chair, and blowing the dust off the + horrible heads before bringing them down. "These are two celebrated ones. + Famous clients of ours that got us a world of credit. This chap (why you + must have come down in the night and been peeping into the inkstand, to + get this blot upon your eyebrow, you old rascal!) murdered his master, + and, considering that he wasn't brought up to evidence, didn't plan it + badly." + </p> + <p> + "Is it like him?" I asked, recoiling from the brute, as Wemmick spat upon + his eyebrow and gave it a rub with his sleeve. + </p> + <p> + "Like him? It's himself, you know. The cast was made in Newgate, directly + after he was taken down. You had a particular fancy for me, hadn't you, + Old Artful?" said Wemmick. He then explained this affectionate apostrophe, + by touching his brooch representing the lady and the weeping willow at the + tomb with the urn upon it, and saying, "Had it made for me, express!" + </p> + <p> + "Is the lady anybody?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "No," returned Wemmick. "Only his game. (You liked your bit of game, + didn't you?) No; deuce a bit of a lady in the case, Mr. Pip, except one,—and + she wasn't of this slender lady-like sort, and you wouldn't have caught + <i>her</i> looking after this urn, unless there was something to drink in it." + Wemmick's attention being thus directed to his brooch, he put down the + cast, and polished the brooch with his pocket-handkerchief. + </p> + <p> + "Did that other creature come to the same end?" I asked. "He has the same + look." + </p> + <p> + "You're right," said Wemmick; "it's the genuine look. Much as if one + nostril was caught up with a horse-hair and a little fish-hook. Yes, he + came to the same end; quite the natural end here, I assure you. He forged + wills, this blade did, if he didn't also put the supposed testators to + sleep too. You were a gentlemanly Cove, though" (Mr. Wemmick was again + apostrophizing), "and you said you could write Greek. Yah, Bounceable! + What a liar you were! I never met such a liar as you!" Before putting his + late friend on his shelf again, Wemmick touched the largest of his + mourning rings and said, "Sent out to buy it for me, only the day before." + </p> + <p> + While he was putting up the other cast and coming down from the chair, the + thought crossed my mind that all his personal jewelry was derived from + like sources. As he had shown no diffidence on the subject, I ventured on + the liberty of asking him the question, when he stood before me, dusting + his hands. + </p> + <p> + "O yes," he returned, "these are all gifts of that kind. One brings + another, you see; that's the way of it. I always take 'em. They're + curiosities. And they're property. They may not be worth much, but, after + all, they're property and portable. It don't signify to you with your + brilliant lookout, but as to myself, my guiding-star always is, 'Get hold + of portable property'." + </p> + <p> + When I had rendered homage to this light, he went on to say, in a friendly + manner:— + </p> + <p> + "If at any odd time when you have nothing better to do, you wouldn't mind + coming over to see me at Walworth, I could offer you a bed, and I should + consider it an honor. I have not much to show you; but such two or three + curiosities as I have got you might like to look over; and I am fond of a + bit of garden and a summer-house." + </p> + <p> + I said I should be delighted to accept his hospitality. + </p> + <p> + "Thankee," said he; "then we'll consider that it's to come off, when + convenient to you. Have you dined with Mr. Jaggers yet?" + </p> + <p> + "Not yet." + </p> + <p> + "Well," said Wemmick, "he'll give you wine, and good wine. I'll give you + punch, and not bad punch. And now I'll tell you something. When you go to + dine with Mr. Jaggers, look at his housekeeper." + </p> + <p> + "Shall I see something very uncommon?" + </p> + <p> + "Well," said Wemmick, "you'll see a wild beast tamed. Not so very + uncommon, you'll tell me. I reply, that depends on the original wildness + of the beast, and the amount of taming. It won't lower your opinion of Mr. + Jaggers's powers. Keep your eye on it." + </p> + <p> + I told him I would do so, with all the interest and curiosity that his + preparation awakened. As I was taking my departure, he asked me if I would + like to devote five minutes to seeing Mr. Jaggers "at it?" + </p> + <p> + For several reasons, and not least because I didn't clearly know what Mr. + Jaggers would be found to be "at," I replied in the affirmative. We dived + into the City, and came up in a crowded police-court, where a + blood-relation (in the murderous sense) of the deceased, with the fanciful + taste in brooches, was standing at the bar, uncomfortably chewing + something; while my guardian had a woman under examination or + cross-examination,—I don't know which,—and was striking her, + and the bench, and everybody present, with awe. If anybody, of whatsoever + degree, said a word that he didn't approve of, he instantly required to + have it "taken down." If anybody wouldn't make an admission, he said, + "I'll have it out of you!" and if anybody made an admission, he said, "Now + I have got you!" The magistrates shivered under a single bite of his + finger. Thieves and thief-takers hung in dread rapture on his words, and + shrank when a hair of his eyebrows turned in their direction. Which side + he was on I couldn't make out, for he seemed to me to be grinding the + whole place in a mill; I only know that when I stole out on tiptoe, he was + not on the side of the bench; for, he was making the legs of the old + gentleman who presided, quite convulsive under the table, by his + denunciations of his conduct as the representative of British law and + justice in that chair that day. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0025" id="link2HCH0025"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XXV + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">B</span>entley Drummle, who was so sulky a fellow that he even took up a book as + if its writer had done him an injury, did not take up an acquaintance in a + more agreeable spirit. Heavy in figure, movement, and comprehension,—in + the sluggish complexion of his face, and in the large, awkward tongue that + seemed to loll about in his mouth as he himself lolled about in a room,—he + was idle, proud, niggardly, reserved, and suspicious. He came of rich + people down in Somersetshire, who had nursed this combination of qualities + until they made the discovery that it was just of age and a blockhead. + Thus, Bentley Drummle had come to Mr. Pocket when he was a head taller + than that gentleman, and half a dozen heads thicker than most gentlemen. + </p> + <p> + Startop had been spoilt by a weak mother and kept at home when he ought to + have been at school, but he was devotedly attached to her, and admired her + beyond measure. He had a woman's delicacy of feature, and was—"as + you may see, though you never saw her," said Herbert to me—"exactly + like his mother." It was but natural that I should take to him much more + kindly than to Drummle, and that, even in the earliest evenings of our + boating, he and I should pull homeward abreast of one another, conversing + from boat to boat, while Bentley Drummle came up in our wake alone, under + the overhanging banks and among the rushes. He would always creep in-shore + like some uncomfortable amphibious creature, even when the tide would have + sent him fast upon his way; and I always think of him as coming after us + in the dark or by the back-water, when our own two boats were breaking the + sunset or the moonlight in mid-stream. + </p> + <p> + Herbert was my intimate companion and friend. I presented him with a + half-share in my boat, which was the occasion of his often coming down to + Hammersmith; and my possession of a half-share in his chambers often took + me up to London. We used to walk between the two places at all hours. I + have an affection for the road yet (though it is not so pleasant a road as + it was then), formed in the impressibility of untried youth and hope. + </p> + <p> + When I had been in Mr. Pocket's family a month or two, Mr. and Mrs. + Camilla turned up. Camilla was Mr. Pocket's sister. Georgiana, whom I had + seen at Miss Havisham's on the same occasion, also turned up. She was a + cousin,—an indigestive single woman, who called her rigidity + religion, and her liver love. These people hated me with the hatred of + cupidity and disappointment. As a matter of course, they fawned upon me in + my prosperity with the basest meanness. Towards Mr. Pocket, as a grown-up + infant with no notion of his own interests, they showed the complacent + forbearance I had heard them express. Mrs. Pocket they held in contempt; + but they allowed the poor soul to have been heavily disappointed in life, + because that shed a feeble reflected light upon themselves. + </p> + <p> + These were the surroundings among which I settled down, and applied myself + to my education. I soon contracted expensive habits, and began to spend an + amount of money that within a few short months I should have thought + almost fabulous; but through good and evil I stuck to my books. There was + no other merit in this, than my having sense enough to feel my + deficiencies. Between Mr. Pocket and Herbert I got on fast; and, with one + or the other always at my elbow to give me the start I wanted, and clear + obstructions out of my road, I must have been as great a dolt as Drummle + if I had done less. + </p> + <p> + I had not seen Mr. Wemmick for some weeks, when I thought I would write + him a note and propose to go home with him on a certain evening. He + replied that it would give him much pleasure, and that he would expect me + at the office at six o'clock. Thither I went, and there I found him, + putting the key of his safe down his back as the clock struck. + </p> + <p> + "Did you think of walking down to Walworth?" said he. + </p> + <p> + "Certainly," said I, "if you approve." + </p> + <p> + "Very much," was Wemmick's reply, "for I have had my legs under the desk + all day, and shall be glad to stretch them. Now, I'll tell you what I have + got for supper, Mr. Pip. I have got a stewed steak,—which is of home + preparation,—and a cold roast fowl,—which is from the + cook's-shop. I think it's tender, because the master of the shop was a + Juryman in some cases of ours the other day, and we let him down easy. I + reminded him of it when I bought the fowl, and I said, "Pick us out a good + one, old Briton, because if we had chosen to keep you in the box another + day or two, we could easily have done it." He said to that, "Let me make + you a present of the best fowl in the shop." I let him, of course. As far + as it goes, it's property and portable. You don't object to an aged + parent, I hope?" + </p> + <p> + I really thought he was still speaking of the fowl, until he added, + "Because I have got an aged parent at my place." I then said what + politeness required. + </p> + <p> + "So, you haven't dined with Mr. Jaggers yet?" he pursued, as we walked + along. + </p> + <p> + "Not yet." + </p> + <p> + "He told me so this afternoon when he heard you were coming. I expect + you'll have an invitation to-morrow. He's going to ask your pals, too. + Three of 'em; ain't there?" + </p> + <p> + Although I was not in the habit of counting Drummle as one of my intimate + associates, I answered, "Yes." + </p> + <p> + "Well, he's going to ask the whole gang,"—I hardly felt complimented + by the word,—"and whatever he gives you, he'll give you good. Don't + look forward to variety, but you'll have excellence. And there's another + rum thing in his house," proceeded Wemmick, after a moment's pause, as if + the remark followed on the housekeeper understood; "he never lets a door + or window be fastened at night." + </p> + <p> + "Is he never robbed?" + </p> + <p> + "That's it!" returned Wemmick. "He says, and gives it out publicly, "I + want to see the man who'll rob <i>me</i>." Lord bless you, I have heard him, a + hundred times, if I have heard him once, say to regular cracksmen in our + front office, "You know where I live; now, no bolt is ever drawn there; + why don't you do a stroke of business with me? Come; can't I tempt you?" + Not a man of them, sir, would be bold enough to try it on, for love or + money." + </p> + <p> + "They dread him so much?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "Dread him," said Wemmick. "I believe you they dread him. Not but what + he's artful, even in his defiance of them. No silver, sir. Britannia + metal, every spoon." + </p> + <p> + "So they wouldn't have much," I observed, "even if they—" + </p> + <p> + "Ah! But <i>he</i> would have much," said Wemmick, cutting me short, "and they + know it. He'd have their lives, and the lives of scores of 'em. He'd have + all he could get. And it's impossible to say what he couldn't get, if he + gave his mind to it." + </p> + <p> + I was falling into meditation on my guardian's greatness, when Wemmick + remarked:— + </p> + <p> + "As to the absence of plate, that's only his natural depth, you know. A + river's its natural depth, and he's his natural depth. Look at his + watch-chain. That's real enough." + </p> + <p> + "It's very massive," said I. + </p> + <p> + "Massive?" repeated Wemmick. "I think so. And his watch is a gold + repeater, and worth a hundred pound if it's worth a penny. Mr. Pip, there + are about seven hundred thieves in this town who know all about that + watch; there's not a man, a woman, or a child, among them, who wouldn't + identify the smallest link in that chain, and drop it as if it was red + hot, if inveigled into touching it." + </p> + <p> + At first with such discourse, and afterwards with conversation of a more + general nature, did Mr. Wemmick and I beguile the time and the road, until + he gave me to understand that we had arrived in the district of Walworth. + </p> + <p> + It appeared to be a collection of back lanes, ditches, and little gardens, + and to present the aspect of a rather dull retirement. Wemmick's house was + a little wooden cottage in the midst of plots of garden, and the top of it + was cut out and painted like a battery mounted with guns. + </p> + <p> + "My own doing," said Wemmick. "Looks pretty; don't it?" + </p> + <p> + I highly commended it, I think it was the smallest house I ever saw; with + the queerest gothic windows (by far the greater part of them sham), and a + gothic door almost too small to get in at. + </p> + <p> + "That's a real flagstaff, you see," said Wemmick, "and on Sundays I run up + a real flag. Then look here. After I have crossed this bridge, I hoist it + up-so—and cut off the communication." + </p> + <p> + The bridge was a plank, and it crossed a chasm about four feet wide and + two deep. But it was very pleasant to see the pride with which he hoisted + it up and made it fast; smiling as he did so, with a relish and not merely + mechanically. + </p> + <p> + "At nine o'clock every night, Greenwich time," said Wemmick, "the gun + fires. There he is, you see! And when you hear him go, I think you'll say + he's a Stinger." + </p> + <p> + The piece of ordnance referred to, was mounted in a separate fortress, + constructed of lattice-work. It was protected from the weather by an + ingenious little tarpaulin contrivance in the nature of an umbrella. + </p> + <p> + "Then, at the back," said Wemmick, "out of sight, so as not to impede the + idea of fortifications,—for it's a principle with me, if you have an + idea, carry it out and keep it up,—I don't know whether that's your + opinion—" + </p> + <p> + I said, decidedly. + </p> + <p> + "—At the back, there's a pig, and there are fowls and rabbits; then, + I knock together my own little frame, you see, and grow cucumbers; and + you'll judge at supper what sort of a salad I can raise. So, sir," said + Wemmick, smiling again, but seriously too, as he shook his head, "if you + can suppose the little place besieged, it would hold out a devil of a time + in point of provisions." + </p> + <p> + Then, he conducted me to a bower about a dozen yards off, but which was + approached by such ingenious twists of path that it took quite a long time + to get at; and in this retreat our glasses were already set forth. Our + punch was cooling in an ornamental lake, on whose margin the bower was + raised. This piece of water (with an island in the middle which might have + been the salad for supper) was of a circular form, and he had constructed + a fountain in it, which, when you set a little mill going and took a cork + out of a pipe, played to that powerful extent that it made the back of + your hand quite wet. + </p> + <p> + "I am my own engineer, and my own carpenter, and my own plumber, and my + own gardener, and my own Jack of all Trades," said Wemmick, in + acknowledging my compliments. "Well; it's a good thing, you know. It + brushes the Newgate cobwebs away, and pleases the Aged. You wouldn't mind + being at once introduced to the Aged, would you? It wouldn't put you out?" + </p> + <p> + I expressed the readiness I felt, and we went into the castle. There we + found, sitting by a fire, a very old man in a flannel coat: clean, + cheerful, comfortable, and well cared for, but intensely deaf. + </p> + <p> + "Well aged parent," said Wemmick, shaking hands with him in a cordial and + jocose way, "how am you?" + </p> + <p> + "All right, John; all right!" replied the old man. + </p> + <p> + "Here's Mr. Pip, aged parent," said Wemmick, "and I wish you could hear + his name. Nod away at him, Mr. Pip; that's what he likes. Nod away at him, + if you please, like winking!" + </p> + <p> + "This is a fine place of my son's, sir," cried the old man, while I nodded + as hard as I possibly could. "This is a pretty pleasure-ground, sir. This + spot and these beautiful works upon it ought to be kept together by the + Nation, after my son's time, for the people's enjoyment." + </p> + <p> + "You're as proud of it as Punch; ain't you, Aged?" said Wemmick, + contemplating the old man, with his hard face really softened; "<i>there's</i> a + nod for you;" giving him a tremendous one; "<i>there's</i> another for you;" + giving him a still more tremendous one; "you like that, don't you? If + you're not tired, Mr. Pip—though I know it's tiring to strangers—will + you tip him one more? You can't think how it pleases him." + </p> + <p> + I tipped him several more, and he was in great spirits. We left him + bestirring himself to feed the fowls, and we sat down to our punch in the + arbor; where Wemmick told me, as he smoked a pipe, that it had taken him a + good many years to bring the property up to its present pitch of + perfection. + </p> + <p> + "Is it your own, Mr. Wemmick?" + </p> + <p> + "O yes," said Wemmick, "I have got hold of it, a bit at a time. It's a + freehold, by George!" + </p> + <p> + "Is it indeed? I hope Mr. Jaggers admires it?" + </p> + <p> + "Never seen it," said Wemmick. "Never heard of it. Never seen the Aged. + Never heard of him. No; the office is one thing, and private life is + another. When I go into the office, I leave the Castle behind me, and when + I come into the Castle, I leave the office behind me. If it's not in any + way disagreeable to you, you'll oblige me by doing the same. I don't wish + it professionally spoken about." + </p> + <p> + Of course I felt my good faith involved in the observance of his request. + The punch being very nice, we sat there drinking it and talking, until it + was almost nine o'clock. "Getting near gun-fire," said Wemmick then, as he + laid down his pipe; "it's the Aged's treat." + </p> + <p> + Proceeding into the Castle again, we found the Aged heating the poker, + with expectant eyes, as a preliminary to the performance of this great + nightly ceremony. Wemmick stood with his watch in his hand until the + moment was come for him to take the red-hot poker from the Aged, and + repair to the battery. He took it, and went out, and presently the Stinger + went off with a Bang that shook the crazy little box of a cottage as if it + must fall to pieces, and made every glass and teacup in it ring. Upon + this, the Aged—who I believe would have been blown out of his + arm-chair but for holding on by the elbows—cried out exultingly, + "He's fired! I heerd him!" and I nodded at the old gentleman until it is + no figure of speech to declare that I absolutely could not see him. + </p> + <p> + The interval between that time and supper Wemmick devoted to showing me + his collection of curiosities. They were mostly of a felonious character; + comprising the pen with which a celebrated forgery had been committed, a + distinguished razor or two, some locks of hair, and several manuscript + confessions written under condemnation,—upon which Mr. Wemmick set + particular value as being, to use his own words, "every one of 'em Lies, + sir." These were agreeably dispersed among small specimens of china and + glass, various neat trifles made by the proprietor of the museum, and some + tobacco-stoppers carved by the Aged. They were all displayed in that + chamber of the Castle into which I had been first inducted, and which + served, not only as the general sitting-room but as the kitchen too, if I + might judge from a saucepan on the hob, and a brazen bijou over the + fireplace designed for the suspension of a roasting-jack. + </p> + <p> + There was a neat little girl in attendance, who looked after the Aged in + the day. When she had laid the supper-cloth, the bridge was lowered to + give her means of egress, and she withdrew for the night. The supper was + excellent; and though the Castle was rather subject to dry-rot insomuch + that it tasted like a bad nut, and though the pig might have been farther + off, I was heartily pleased with my whole entertainment. Nor was there any + drawback on my little turret bedroom, beyond there being such a very thin + ceiling between me and the flagstaff, that when I lay down on my back in + bed, it seemed as if I had to balance that pole on my forehead all night. + </p> + <p> + Wemmick was up early in the morning, and I am afraid I heard him cleaning + my boots. After that, he fell to gardening, and I saw him from my gothic + window pretending to employ the Aged, and nodding at him in a most devoted + manner. Our breakfast was as good as the supper, and at half-past eight + precisely we started for Little Britain. By degrees, Wemmick got dryer and + harder as we went along, and his mouth tightened into a post-office again. + At last, when we got to his place of business and he pulled out his key + from his coat-collar, he looked as unconscious of his Walworth property as + if the Castle and the drawbridge and the arbor and the lake and the + fountain and the Aged, had all been blown into space together by the last + discharge of the Stinger. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0026" id="link2HCH0026"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XXVI + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span>t fell out as Wemmick had told me it would, that I had an early + opportunity of comparing my guardian's establishment with that of his + cashier and clerk. My guardian was in his room, washing his hands with his + scented soap, when I went into the office from Walworth; and he called me + to him, and gave me the invitation for myself and friends which Wemmick + had prepared me to receive. "No ceremony," he stipulated, "and no dinner + dress, and say to-morrow." I asked him where we should come to (for I had + no idea where he lived), and I believe it was in his general objection to + make anything like an admission, that he replied, "Come here, and I'll + take you home with me." I embrace this opportunity of remarking that he + washed his clients off, as if he were a surgeon or a dentist. He had a + closet in his room, fitted up for the purpose, which smelt of the scented + soap like a perfumer's shop. It had an unusually large jack-towel on a + roller inside the door, and he would wash his hands, and wipe them and dry + them all over this towel, whenever he came in from a police court or + dismissed a client from his room. When I and my friends repaired to him at + six o'clock next day, he seemed to have been engaged on a case of a darker + complexion than usual, for we found him with his head butted into this + closet, not only washing his hands, but laving his face and gargling his + throat. And even when he had done all that, and had gone all round the + jack-towel, he took out his penknife and scraped the case out of his nails + before he put his coat on. + </p> + <p> + There were some people slinking about as usual when we passed out into the + street, who were evidently anxious to speak with him; but there was + something so conclusive in the halo of scented soap which encircled his + presence, that they gave it up for that day. As we walked along westward, + he was recognized ever and again by some face in the crowd of the streets, + and whenever that happened he talked louder to me; but he never otherwise + recognized anybody, or took notice that anybody recognized him. + </p> + <p> + He conducted us to Gerrard Street, Soho, to a house on the south side of + that street. Rather a stately house of its kind, but dolefully in want of + painting, and with dirty windows. He took out his key and opened the door, + and we all went into a stone hall, bare, gloomy, and little used. So, up a + dark brown staircase into a series of three dark brown rooms on the first + floor. There were carved garlands on the panelled walls, and as he stood + among them giving us welcome, I know what kind of loops I thought they + looked like. + </p> + <p> + Dinner was laid in the best of these rooms; the second was his + dressing-room; the third, his bedroom. He told us that he held the whole + house, but rarely used more of it than we saw. The table was comfortably + laid—no silver in the service, of course—and at the side of + his chair was a capacious dumb-waiter, with a variety of bottles and + decanters on it, and four dishes of fruit for dessert. I noticed + throughout, that he kept everything under his own hand, and distributed + everything himself. + </p> + <p> + There was a bookcase in the room; I saw from the backs of the books, that + they were about evidence, criminal law, criminal biography, trials, acts + of Parliament, and such things. The furniture was all very solid and good, + like his watch-chain. It had an official look, however, and there was + nothing merely ornamental to be seen. In a corner was a little table of + papers with a shaded lamp: so that he seemed to bring the office home with + him in that respect too, and to wheel it out of an evening and fall to + work. + </p> + <p> + As he had scarcely seen my three companions until now,—for he and I + had walked together,—he stood on the hearth-rug, after ringing the + bell, and took a searching look at them. To my surprise, he seemed at once + to be principally if not solely interested in Drummle. + </p> + <p> + "Pip," said he, putting his large hand on my shoulder and moving me to the + window, "I don't know one from the other. Who's the Spider?" + </p> + <p> + "The spider?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "The blotchy, sprawly, sulky fellow." + </p> + <p> + "That's Bentley Drummle," I replied; "the one with the delicate face is + Startop." + </p> + <p> + Not making the least account of "the one with the delicate face," he + returned, "Bentley Drummle is his name, is it? I like the look of that + fellow." + </p> + <p> + He immediately began to talk to Drummle: not at all deterred by his + replying in his heavy reticent way, but apparently led on by it to screw + discourse out of him. I was looking at the two, when there came between me + and them the housekeeper, with the first dish for the table. + </p> + <p> + She was a woman of about forty, I supposed,—but I may have thought + her younger than she was. Rather tall, of a lithe nimble figure, extremely + pale, with large faded eyes, and a quantity of streaming hair. I cannot + say whether any diseased affection of the heart caused her lips to be + parted as if she were panting, and her face to bear a curious expression + of suddenness and flutter; but I know that I had been to see Macbeth at + the theatre, a night or two before, and that her face looked to me as if + it were all disturbed by fiery air, like the faces I had seen rise out of + the Witches' caldron. + </p> + <p> + She set the dish on, touched my guardian quietly on the arm with a finger + to notify that dinner was ready, and vanished. We took our seats at the + round table, and my guardian kept Drummle on one side of him, while + Startop sat on the other. It was a noble dish of fish that the housekeeper + had put on table, and we had a joint of equally choice mutton afterwards, + and then an equally choice bird. Sauces, wines, all the accessories we + wanted, and all of the best, were given out by our host from his + dumb-waiter; and when they had made the circuit of the table, he always + put them back again. Similarly, he dealt us clean plates and knives and + forks, for each course, and dropped those just disused into two baskets on + the ground by his chair. No other attendant than the housekeeper appeared. + She set on every dish; and I always saw in her face, a face rising out of + the caldron. Years afterwards, I made a dreadful likeness of that woman, + by causing a face that had no other natural resemblance to it than it + derived from flowing hair to pass behind a bowl of flaming spirits in a + dark room. + </p> + <p> + Induced to take particular notice of the housekeeper, both by her own + striking appearance and by Wemmick's preparation, I observed that whenever + she was in the room she kept her eyes attentively on my guardian, and that + she would remove her hands from any dish she put before him, hesitatingly, + as if she dreaded his calling her back, and wanted him to speak when she + was nigh, if he had anything to say. I fancied that I could detect in his + manner a consciousness of this, and a purpose of always holding her in + suspense. + </p> + <p> + Dinner went off gayly, and although my guardian seemed to follow rather + than originate subjects, I knew that he wrenched the weakest part of our + dispositions out of us. For myself, I found that I was expressing my + tendency to lavish expenditure, and to patronize Herbert, and to boast of + my great prospects, before I quite knew that I had opened my lips. It was + so with all of us, but with no one more than Drummle: the development of + whose inclination to gird in a grudging and suspicious way at the rest, + was screwed out of him before the fish was taken off. + </p> + <p> + It was not then, but when we had got to the cheese, that our conversation + turned upon our rowing feats, and that Drummle was rallied for coming up + behind of a night in that slow amphibious way of his. Drummle upon this, + informed our host that he much preferred our room to our company, and that + as to skill he was more than our master, and that as to strength he could + scatter us like chaff. By some invisible agency, my guardian wound him up + to a pitch little short of ferocity about this trifle; and he fell to + baring and spanning his arm to show how muscular it was, and we all fell + to baring and spanning our arms in a ridiculous manner. + </p> + <p> + Now the housekeeper was at that time clearing the table; my guardian, + taking no heed of her, but with the side of his face turned from her, was + leaning back in his chair biting the side of his forefinger and showing an + interest in Drummle, that, to me, was quite inexplicable. Suddenly, he + clapped his large hand on the housekeeper's, like a trap, as she stretched + it across the table. So suddenly and smartly did he do this, that we all + stopped in our foolish contention. + </p> + <p> + "If you talk of strength," said Mr. Jaggers, "<i>I</i>'ll show you a wrist. + Molly, let them see your wrist." + </p> + <p> + Her entrapped hand was on the table, but she had already put her other + hand behind her waist. "Master," she said, in a low voice, with her eyes + attentively and entreatingly fixed upon him. "Don't." + </p> + <p> + "<i>I</i>'ll show you a wrist," repeated Mr. Jaggers, with an immovable + determination to show it. "Molly, let them see your wrist." + </p> + <p> + "Master," she again murmured. "Please!" + </p> + <p> + "Molly," said Mr. Jaggers, not looking at her, but obstinately looking at + the opposite side of the room, "let them see <i>both</i> your wrists. Show them. + Come!" + </p> + <p> + He took his hand from hers, and turned that wrist up on the table. She + brought her other hand from behind her, and held the two out side by side. + The last wrist was much disfigured,—deeply scarred and scarred + across and across. When she held her hands out she took her eyes from Mr. + Jaggers, and turned them watchfully on every one of the rest of us in + succession. + </p> + <p> + "There's power here," said Mr. Jaggers, coolly tracing out the sinews with + his forefinger. "Very few men have the power of wrist that this woman has. + It's remarkable what mere force of grip there is in these hands. I have + had occasion to notice many hands; but I never saw stronger in that + respect, man's or woman's, than these." + </p> + <p> + While he said these words in a leisurely, critical style, she continued to + look at every one of us in regular succession as we sat. The moment he + ceased, she looked at him again. "That'll do, Molly," said Mr. Jaggers, + giving her a slight nod; "you have been admired, and can go." She withdrew + her hands and went out of the room, and Mr. Jaggers, putting the decanters + on from his dumb-waiter, filled his glass and passed round the wine. + </p> + <p> + "At half-past nine, gentlemen," said he, "we must break up. Pray make the + best use of your time. I am glad to see you all. Mr. Drummle, I drink to + you." + </p> + <p> + If his object in singling out Drummle were to bring him out still more, it + perfectly succeeded. In a sulky triumph, Drummle showed his morose + depreciation of the rest of us, in a more and more offensive degree, until + he became downright intolerable. Through all his stages, Mr. Jaggers + followed him with the same strange interest. He actually seemed to serve + as a zest to Mr. Jaggers's wine. + </p> + <p> + In our boyish want of discretion I dare say we took too much to drink, and + I know we talked too much. We became particularly hot upon some boorish + sneer of Drummle's, to the effect that we were too free with our money. It + led to my remarking, with more zeal than discretion, that it came with a + bad grace from him, to whom Startop had lent money in my presence but a + week or so before. + </p> + <p> + "Well," retorted Drummle; "he'll be paid." + </p> + <p> + "I don't mean to imply that he won't," said I, "but it might make you hold + your tongue about us and our money, I should think." + </p> + <p> + "<i>You</i> should think!" retorted Drummle. "Oh Lord!" + </p> + <p> + "I dare say," I went on, meaning to be very severe, "that you wouldn't + lend money to any of us if we wanted it." + </p> + <p> + "You are right," said Drummle. "I wouldn't lend one of you a sixpence. I + wouldn't lend anybody a sixpence." + </p> + <p> + "Rather mean to borrow under those circumstances, I should say." + </p> + <p> + "<i>You</i> should say," repeated Drummle. "Oh Lord!" + </p> + <p> + This was so very aggravating—the more especially as I found myself + making no way against his surly obtuseness—that I said, disregarding + Herbert's efforts to check me,— + </p> + <p> + "Come, Mr. Drummle, since we are on the subject, I'll tell you what passed + between Herbert here and me, when you borrowed that money." + </p> + <p> + "<i>I</i> don't want to know what passed between Herbert there and you," growled + Drummle. And I think he added in a lower growl, that we might both go to + the devil and shake ourselves. + </p> + <p> + "I'll tell you, however," said I, "whether you want to know or not. We + said that as you put it in your pocket very glad to get it, you seemed to + be immensely amused at his being so weak as to lend it." + </p> + <p> + Drummle laughed outright, and sat laughing in our faces, with his hands in + his pockets and his round shoulders raised; plainly signifying that it was + quite true, and that he despised us as asses all. + </p> + <p> + Hereupon Startop took him in hand, though with a much better grace than I + had shown, and exhorted him to be a little more agreeable. Startop, being + a lively, bright young fellow, and Drummle being the exact opposite, the + latter was always disposed to resent him as a direct personal affront. He + now retorted in a coarse, lumpish way, and Startop tried to turn the + discussion aside with some small pleasantry that made us all laugh. + Resenting this little success more than anything, Drummle, without any + threat or warning, pulled his hands out of his pockets, dropped his round + shoulders, swore, took up a large glass, and would have flung it at his + adversary's head, but for our entertainer's dexterously seizing it at the + instant when it was raised for that purpose. + </p> + <p> + "Gentlemen," said Mr. Jaggers, deliberately putting down the glass, and + hauling out his gold repeater by its massive chain, "I am exceedingly + sorry to announce that it's half past nine." + </p> + <p> + On this hint we all rose to depart. Before we got to the street door, + Startop was cheerily calling Drummle "old boy," as if nothing had + happened. But the old boy was so far from responding, that he would not + even walk to Hammersmith on the same side of the way; so Herbert and I, + who remained in town, saw them going down the street on opposite sides; + Startop leading, and Drummle lagging behind in the shadow of the houses, + much as he was wont to follow in his boat. + </p> + <p> + As the door was not yet shut, I thought I would leave Herbert there for a + moment, and run up stairs again to say a word to my guardian. I found him + in his dressing-room surrounded by his stock of boots, already hard at it, + washing his hands of us. + </p> + <p> + I told him I had come up again to say how sorry I was that anything + disagreeable should have occurred, and that I hoped he would not blame me + much. + </p> + <p> + "Pooh!" said he, sluicing his face, and speaking through the water-drops; + "it's nothing, Pip. I like that Spider though." + </p> + <p> + He had turned towards me now, and was shaking his head, and blowing, and + towelling himself. + </p> + <p> + "I am glad you like him, sir," said I—"but I don't." + </p> + <p> + "No, no," my guardian assented; "don't have too much to do with him. Keep + as clear of him as you can. But I like the fellow, Pip; he is one of the + true sort. Why, if I was a fortune-teller—" + </p> + <p> + Looking out of the towel, he caught my eye. + </p> + <p> + "But I am not a fortune-teller," he said, letting his head drop into a + festoon of towel, and towelling away at his two ears. "You know what I am, + don't you? Good night, Pip." + </p> + <p> + "Good night, sir." + </p> + <p> + In about a month after that, the Spider's time with Mr. Pocket was up for + good, and, to the great relief of all the house but Mrs. Pocket, he went + home to the family hole. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0027" id="link2HCH0027"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XXVII + </h2> + <p> + "MY DEAR MR PIP:— + </p> + <p> + "I write this by request of Mr. Gargery, for to let you know that he is + going to London in company with Mr. Wopsle and would be glad if agreeable + to be allowed to see you. He would call at Barnard's Hotel Tuesday morning + at nine o'clock, when if not agreeable please leave word. Your poor sister + is much the same as when you left. We talk of you in the kitchen every + night, and wonder what you are saying and doing. If now considered in the + light of a liberty, excuse it for the love of poor old days. No more, dear + Mr. Pip, from your ever obliged, and affectionate servant, + </p> + <p> + "BIDDY." + </p> + <p> + "P.S. He wishes me most particular to write <i>what larks</i>. He says you will + understand. I hope and do not doubt it will be agreeable to see him, even + though a gentleman, for you had ever a good heart, and he is a worthy, + worthy man. I have read him all, excepting only the last little sentence, + and he wishes me most particular to write again <i>what larks</i>." + </p> + <p> + I received this letter by the post on Monday morning, and therefore its + appointment was for next day. Let me confess exactly with what feelings I + looked forward to Joe's coming. + </p> + <p> + Not with pleasure, though I was bound to him by so many ties; no; with + considerable disturbance, some mortification, and a keen sense of + incongruity. If I could have kept him away by paying money, I certainly + would have paid money. My greatest reassurance was that he was coming to + Barnard's Inn, not to Hammersmith, and consequently would not fall in + Bentley Drummle's way. I had little objection to his being seen by Herbert + or his father, for both of whom I had a respect; but I had the sharpest + sensitiveness as to his being seen by Drummle, whom I held in contempt. + So, throughout life, our worst weaknesses and meannesses are usually + committed for the sake of the people whom we most despise. + </p> + <p> + I had begun to be always decorating the chambers in some quite unnecessary + and inappropriate way or other, and very expensive those wrestles with + Barnard proved to be. By this time, the rooms were vastly different from + what I had found them, and I enjoyed the honor of occupying a few + prominent pages in the books of a neighboring upholsterer. I had got on so + fast of late, that I had even started a boy in boots,—top boots,—in + bondage and slavery to whom I might have been said to pass my days. For, + after I had made the monster (out of the refuse of my washerwoman's + family), and had clothed him with a blue coat, canary waistcoat, white + cravat, creamy breeches, and the boots already mentioned, I had to find + him a little to do and a great deal to eat; and with both of those + horrible requirements he haunted my existence. + </p> + <p> + This avenging phantom was ordered to be on duty at eight on Tuesday + morning in the hall, (it was two feet square, as charged for floorcloth,) + and Herbert suggested certain things for breakfast that he thought Joe + would like. While I felt sincerely obliged to him for being so interested + and considerate, I had an odd half-provoked sense of suspicion upon me, + that if Joe had been coming to see <i>him</i>, he wouldn't have been quite so + brisk about it. + </p> + <p> + However, I came into town on the Monday night to be ready for Joe, and I + got up early in the morning, and caused the sitting-room and + breakfast-table to assume their most splendid appearance. Unfortunately + the morning was drizzly, and an angel could not have concealed the fact + that Barnard was shedding sooty tears outside the window, like some weak + giant of a Sweep. + </p> + <p> + As the time approached I should have liked to run away, but the Avenger + pursuant to orders was in the hall, and presently I heard Joe on the + staircase. I knew it was Joe, by his clumsy manner of coming up stairs,—his + state boots being always too big for him,—and by the time it took + him to read the names on the other floors in the course of his ascent. + When at last he stopped outside our door, I could hear his finger tracing + over the painted letters of my name, and I afterwards distinctly heard him + breathing in at the keyhole. Finally he gave a faint single rap, and + Pepper—such was the compromising name of the avenging boy—announced + "Mr. Gargery!" I thought he never would have done wiping his feet, and + that I must have gone out to lift him off the mat, but at last he came in. + </p> + <p> + "Joe, how are you, Joe?" + </p> + <p> + "Pip, how AIR you, Pip?" + </p> + <p> + With his good honest face all glowing and shining, and his hat put down on + the floor between us, he caught both my hands and worked them straight up + and down, as if I had been the last-patented Pump. + </p> + <p> + "I am glad to see you, Joe. Give me your hat." + </p> + <p> + But Joe, taking it up carefully with both hands, like a bird's-nest with + eggs in it, wouldn't hear of parting with that piece of property, and + persisted in standing talking over it in a most uncomfortable way. + </p> + <p> + "Which you have that growed," said Joe, "and that swelled, and that + gentle-folked;" Joe considered a little before he discovered this word; + "as to be sure you are a honor to your king and country." + </p> + <p> + "And you, Joe, look wonderfully well." + </p> + <p> + "Thank God," said Joe, "I'm ekerval to most. And your sister, she's no + worse than she were. And Biddy, she's ever right and ready. And all + friends is no backerder, if not no forarder. 'Ceptin Wopsle; he's had a + drop." + </p> + <p> + All this time (still with both hands taking great care of the + bird's-nest), Joe was rolling his eyes round and round the room, and round + and round the flowered pattern of my dressing-gown. + </p> + <p> + "Had a drop, Joe?" + </p> + <p> + "Why yes," said Joe, lowering his voice, "he's left the Church and went + into the playacting. Which the playacting have likeways brought him to + London along with me. And his wish were," said Joe, getting the + bird's-nest under his left arm for the moment, and groping in it for an + egg with his right; "if no offence, as I would 'and you that." + </p> + <p> + I took what Joe gave me, and found it to be the crumpled play-bill of a + small metropolitan theatre, announcing the first appearance, in that very + week, of "the celebrated Provincial Amateur of Roscian renown, whose + unique performance in the highest tragic walk of our National Bard has + lately occasioned so great a sensation in local dramatic circles." + </p> + <p> + "Were you at his performance, Joe?" I inquired. + </p> + <p> + "I <i>were</i>," said Joe, with emphasis and solemnity. + </p> + <p> + "Was there a great sensation?" + </p> + <p> + "Why," said Joe, "yes, there certainly were a peck of orange-peel. + Partickler when he see the ghost. Though I put it to yourself, sir, + whether it were calc'lated to keep a man up to his work with a good hart, + to be continiwally cutting in betwixt him and the Ghost with "Amen!" A man + may have had a misfortun' and been in the Church," said Joe, lowering his + voice to an argumentative and feeling tone, "but that is no reason why you + should put him out at such a time. Which I meantersay, if the ghost of a + man's own father cannot be allowed to claim his attention, what can, Sir? + Still more, when his mourning 'at is unfortunately made so small as that + the weight of the black feathers brings it off, try to keep it on how you + may." + </p> + <p> + A ghost-seeing effect in Joe's own countenance informed me that Herbert + had entered the room. So, I presented Joe to Herbert, who held out his + hand; but Joe backed from it, and held on by the bird's-nest. + </p> + <p> + "Your servant, Sir," said Joe, "which I hope as you and Pip"—here + his eye fell on the Avenger, who was putting some toast on table, and so + plainly denoted an intention to make that young gentleman one of the + family, that I frowned it down and confused him more—"I meantersay, + you two gentlemen,—which I hope as you get your elths in this close + spot? For the present may be a werry good inn, according to London + opinions," said Joe, confidentially, "and I believe its character do stand + it; but I wouldn't keep a pig in it myself,—not in the case that I + wished him to fatten wholesome and to eat with a meller flavor on him." + </p> + <p> + Having borne this flattering testimony to the merits of our + dwelling-place, and having incidentally shown this tendency to call me + "sir," Joe, being invited to sit down to table, looked all round the room + for a suitable spot on which to deposit his hat,—as if it were only + on some very few rare substances in nature that it could find a resting + place,—and ultimately stood it on an extreme corner of the + chimney-piece, from which it ever afterwards fell off at intervals. + </p> + <p> + "Do you take tea, or coffee, Mr. Gargery?" asked Herbert, who always + presided of a morning. + </p> + <p> + "Thankee, Sir," said Joe, stiff from head to foot, "I'll take whichever is + most agreeable to yourself." + </p> + <p> + "What do you say to coffee?" + </p> + <p> + "Thankee, Sir," returned Joe, evidently dispirited by the proposal, "since + you <i>are</i> so kind as make chice of coffee, I will not run contrairy to your + own opinions. But don't you never find it a little 'eating?" + </p> + <p> + "Say tea then," said Herbert, pouring it out. + </p> + <p> + Here Joe's hat tumbled off the mantel-piece, and he started out of his + chair and picked it up, and fitted it to the same exact spot. As if it + were an absolute point of good breeding that it should tumble off again + soon. + </p> + <p> + "When did you come to town, Mr. Gargery?" + </p> + <p> + "Were it yesterday afternoon?" said Joe, after coughing behind his hand, + as if he had had time to catch the whooping-cough since he came. "No it + were not. Yes it were. Yes. It were yesterday afternoon" (with an + appearance of mingled wisdom, relief, and strict impartiality). + </p> + <p> + "Have you seen anything of London yet?" + </p> + <p> + "Why, yes, Sir," said Joe, "me and Wopsle went off straight to look at the + Blacking Ware'us. But we didn't find that it come up to its likeness in + the red bills at the shop doors; which I meantersay," added Joe, in an + explanatory manner, "as it is there drawd too architectooralooral." + </p> + <p> + I really believe Joe would have prolonged this word (mightily expressive + to my mind of some architecture that I know) into a perfect Chorus, but + for his attention being providentially attracted by his hat, which was + toppling. Indeed, it demanded from him a constant attention, and a + quickness of eye and hand, very like that exacted by wicket-keeping. He + made extraordinary play with it, and showed the greatest skill; now, + rushing at it and catching it neatly as it dropped; now, merely stopping + it midway, beating it up, and humoring it in various parts of the room and + against a good deal of the pattern of the paper on the wall, before he + felt it safe to close with it; finally splashing it into the slop-basin, + where I took the liberty of laying hands upon it. + </p> +<div class="fig" > + <img src="images/0223m.jpg" alt="0223m " /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/0223.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + As to his shirt-collar, and his coat-collar, they were perplexing to + reflect upon,—insoluble mysteries both. Why should a man scrape + himself to that extent, before he could consider himself full dressed? Why + should he suppose it necessary to be purified by suffering for his holiday + clothes? Then he fell into such unaccountable fits of meditation, with his + fork midway between his plate and his mouth; had his eyes attracted in + such strange directions; was afflicted with such remarkable coughs; sat so + far from the table, and dropped so much more than he ate, and pretended + that he hadn't dropped it; that I was heartily glad when Herbert left us + for the City. + </p> + <p> + I had neither the good sense nor the good feeling to know that this was + all my fault, and that if I had been easier with Joe, Joe would have been + easier with me. I felt impatient of him and out of temper with him; in + which condition he heaped coals of fire on my head. + </p> + <p> + "Us two being now alone, sir,"—began Joe. + </p> + <p> + "Joe," I interrupted, pettishly, "how can you call me, sir?" + </p> + <p> + Joe looked at me for a single instant with something faintly like + reproach. Utterly preposterous as his cravat was, and as his collars were, + I was conscious of a sort of dignity in the look. + </p> + <p> + "Us two being now alone," resumed Joe, "and me having the intentions and + abilities to stay not many minutes more, I will now conclude—leastways + begin—to mention what have led to my having had the present honor. + For was it not," said Joe, with his old air of lucid exposition, "that my + only wish were to be useful to you, I should not have had the honor of + breaking wittles in the company and abode of gentlemen." + </p> + <p> + I was so unwilling to see the look again, that I made no remonstrance + against this tone. + </p> + <p> + "Well, sir," pursued Joe, "this is how it were. I were at the Bargemen + t'other night, Pip;"—whenever he subsided into affection, he called + me Pip, and whenever he relapsed into politeness he called me sir; "when + there come up in his shay-cart, Pumblechook. Which that same identical," + said Joe, going down a new track, "do comb my 'air the wrong way + sometimes, awful, by giving out up and down town as it were him which ever + had your infant companionation and were looked upon as a playfellow by + yourself." + </p> + <p> + "Nonsense. It was you, Joe." + </p> + <p> + "Which I fully believed it were, Pip," said Joe, slightly tossing his + head, "though it signify little now, sir. Well, Pip; this same identical, + which his manners is given to blusterous, come to me at the Bargemen (wot + a pipe and a pint of beer do give refreshment to the workingman, sir, and + do not over stimilate), and his word were, 'Joseph, Miss Havisham she wish + to speak to you.'" + </p> + <p> + "Miss Havisham, Joe?" + </p> + <p> + "'She wish,' were Pumblechook's word, 'to speak to you.'" Joe sat and + rolled his eyes at the ceiling. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, Joe? Go on, please." + </p> + <p> + "Next day, sir," said Joe, looking at me as if I were a long way off, + "having cleaned myself, I go and I see Miss A." + </p> + <p> + "Miss A., Joe? Miss Havisham?" + </p> + <p> + "Which I say, sir," replied Joe, with an air of legal formality, as if he + were making his will, "Miss A., or otherways Havisham. Her expression air + then as follering: 'Mr. Gargery. You air in correspondence with Mr. Pip?' + Having had a letter from you, I were able to say 'I am.' (When I married + your sister, sir, I said 'I will;' and when I answered your friend, Pip, I + said 'I am.') 'Would you tell him, then,' said she, 'that which Estella + has come home and would be glad to see him.'" + </p> + <p> + I felt my face fire up as I looked at Joe. I hope one remote cause of its + firing may have been my consciousness that if I had known his errand, I + should have given him more encouragement. + </p> + <p> + "Biddy," pursued Joe, "when I got home and asked her fur to write the + message to you, a little hung back. Biddy says, 'I know he will be very + glad to have it by word of mouth, it is holiday time, you want to see him, + go!' I have now concluded, sir," said Joe, rising from his chair, "and, + Pip, I wish you ever well and ever prospering to a greater and a greater + height." + </p> + <p> + "But you are not going now, Joe?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes I am," said Joe. + </p> + <p> + "But you are coming back to dinner, Joe?" + </p> + <p> + "No I am not," said Joe. + </p> + <p> + Our eyes met, and all the "Sir" melted out of that manly heart as he gave + me his hand. + </p> + <p> + "Pip, dear old chap, life is made of ever so many partings welded + together, as I may say, and one man's a blacksmith, and one's a + whitesmith, and one's a goldsmith, and one's a coppersmith. Diwisions + among such must come, and must be met as they come. If there's been any + fault at all to-day, it's mine. You and me is not two figures to be + together in London; nor yet anywheres else but what is private, and + beknown, and understood among friends. It ain't that I am proud, but that + I want to be right, as you shall never see me no more in these clothes. + I'm wrong in these clothes. I'm wrong out of the forge, the kitchen, or + off th' meshes. You won't find half so much fault in me if you think of me + in my forge dress, with my hammer in my hand, or even my pipe. You won't + find half so much fault in me if, supposing as you should ever wish to see + me, you come and put your head in at the forge window and see Joe the + blacksmith, there, at the old anvil, in the old burnt apron, sticking to + the old work. I'm awful dull, but I hope I've beat out something nigh the + rights of this at last. And so GOD bless you, dear old Pip, old chap, GOD + bless you!" + </p> + <p> + I had not been mistaken in my fancy that there was a simple dignity in + him. The fashion of his dress could no more come in its way when he spoke + these words than it could come in its way in Heaven. He touched me gently + on the forehead, and went out. As soon as I could recover myself + sufficiently, I hurried out after him and looked for him in the + neighboring streets; but he was gone. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0028" id="link2HCH0028"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XXVIII + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span>t was clear that I must repair to our town next day, and in the first + flow of my repentance, it was equally clear that I must stay at Joe's. + But, when I had secured my box-place by to-morrow's coach, and had been + down to Mr. Pocket's and back, I was not by any means convinced on the + last point, and began to invent reasons and make excuses for putting up at + the Blue Boar. I should be an inconvenience at Joe's; I was not expected, + and my bed would not be ready; I should be too far from Miss Havisham's, + and she was exacting and mightn't like it. All other swindlers upon earth + are nothing to the self-swindlers, and with such pretences did I cheat + myself. Surely a curious thing. That I should innocently take a bad + half-crown of somebody else's manufacture is reasonable enough; but that I + should knowingly reckon the spurious coin of my own make as good money! An + obliging stranger, under pretence of compactly folding up my bank-notes + for security's sake, abstracts the notes and gives me nutshells; but what + is his sleight of hand to mine, when I fold up my own nutshells and pass + them on myself as notes! + </p> + <p> + Having settled that I must go to the Blue Boar, my mind was much disturbed + by indecision whether or not to take the Avenger. It was tempting to think + of that expensive Mercenary publicly airing his boots in the archway of + the Blue Boar's posting-yard; it was almost solemn to imagine him casually + produced in the tailor's shop, and confounding the disrespectful senses of + Trabb's boy. On the other hand, Trabb's boy might worm himself into his + intimacy and tell him things; or, reckless and desperate wretch as I knew + he could be, might hoot him in the High Street. My patroness, too, might + hear of him, and not approve. On the whole, I resolved to leave the + Avenger behind. + </p> + <p> + It was the afternoon coach by which I had taken my place, and, as winter + had now come round, I should not arrive at my destination until two or + three hours after dark. Our time of starting from the Cross Keys was two + o'clock. I arrived on the ground with a quarter of an hour to spare, + attended by the Avenger,—if I may connect that expression with one + who never attended on me if he could possibly help it. + </p> + <p> + At that time it was customary to carry Convicts down to the dock-yards by + stage-coach. As I had often heard of them in the capacity of outside + passengers, and had more than once seen them on the high road dangling + their ironed legs over the coach roof, I had no cause to be surprised when + Herbert, meeting me in the yard, came up and told me there were two + convicts going down with me. But I had a reason that was an old reason now + for constitutionally faltering whenever I heard the word "convict." + </p> + <p> + "You don't mind them, Handel?" said Herbert. + </p> + <p> + "O no!" + </p> + <p> + "I thought you seemed as if you didn't like them?" + </p> + <p> + "I can't pretend that I do like them, and I suppose you don't + particularly. But I don't mind them." + </p> + <p> + "See! There they are," said Herbert, "coming out of the Tap. What a + degraded and vile sight it is!" + </p> + <p> + They had been treating their guard, I suppose, for they had a gaoler with + them, and all three came out wiping their mouths on their hands. The two + convicts were handcuffed together, and had irons on their legs,—irons + of a pattern that I knew well. They wore the dress that I likewise knew + well. Their keeper had a brace of pistols, and carried a thick-knobbed + bludgeon under his arm; but he was on terms of good understanding with + them, and stood with them beside him, looking on at the putting-to of the + horses, rather with an air as if the convicts were an interesting + Exhibition not formally open at the moment, and he the Curator. One was a + taller and stouter man than the other, and appeared as a matter of course, + according to the mysterious ways of the world, both convict and free, to + have had allotted to him the smaller suit of clothes. His arms and legs + were like great pincushions of those shapes, and his attire disguised him + absurdly; but I knew his half-closed eye at one glance. There stood the + man whom I had seen on the settle at the Three Jolly Bargemen on a + Saturday night, and who had brought me down with his invisible gun! + </p> + <p> + It was easy to make sure that as yet he knew me no more than if he had + never seen me in his life. He looked across at me, and his eye appraised + my watch-chain, and then he incidentally spat and said something to the + other convict, and they laughed and slued themselves round with a clink of + their coupling manacle, and looked at something else. The great numbers on + their backs, as if they were street doors; their coarse mangy ungainly + outer surface, as if they were lower animals; their ironed legs, + apologetically garlanded with pocket-handkerchiefs; and the way in which + all present looked at them and kept from them; made them (as Herbert had + said) a most disagreeable and degraded spectacle. + </p> + <p> + But this was not the worst of it. It came out that the whole of the back + of the coach had been taken by a family removing from London, and that + there were no places for the two prisoners but on the seat in front behind + the coachman. Hereupon, a choleric gentleman, who had taken the fourth + place on that seat, flew into a most violent passion, and said that it was + a breach of contract to mix him up with such villainous company, and that + it was poisonous, and pernicious, and infamous, and shameful, and I don't + know what else. At this time the coach was ready and the coachman + impatient, and we were all preparing to get up, and the prisoners had come + over with their keeper,—bringing with them that curious flavor of + bread-poultice, baize, rope-yarn, and hearthstone, which attends the + convict presence. + </p> + <p> + "Don't take it so much amiss, sir," pleaded the keeper to the angry + passenger; "I'll sit next you myself. I'll put 'em on the outside of the + row. They won't interfere with you, sir. You needn't know they're there." + </p> + <p> + "And don't blame <i>me</i>," growled the convict I had recognized. "<i>I</i> don't want + to go. <i>I</i> am quite ready to stay behind. As fur as I am concerned any one's + welcome to <i>my</i> place." + </p> + <p> + "Or mine," said the other, gruffly. "I wouldn't have incommoded none of + you, if I'd had <i>my</i> way." Then they both laughed, and began cracking nuts, + and spitting the shells about.—As I really think I should have liked + to do myself, if I had been in their place and so despised. + </p> + <p> + At length, it was voted that there was no help for the angry gentleman, + and that he must either go in his chance company or remain behind. So he + got into his place, still making complaints, and the keeper got into the + place next him, and the convicts hauled themselves up as well as they + could, and the convict I had recognized sat behind me with his breath on + the hair of my head. + </p> + <p> + "Good by, Handel!" Herbert called out as we started. I thought what a + blessed fortune it was, that he had found another name for me than Pip. + </p> + <p> + It is impossible to express with what acuteness I felt the convict's + breathing, not only on the back of my head, but all along my spine. The + sensation was like being touched in the marrow with some pungent and + searching acid, it set my very teeth on edge. He seemed to have more + breathing business to do than another man, and to make more noise in doing + it; and I was conscious of growing high-shouldered on one side, in my + shrinking endeavors to fend him off. + </p> + <p> + The weather was miserably raw, and the two cursed the cold. It made us all + lethargic before we had gone far, and when we had left the Half-way House + behind, we habitually dozed and shivered and were silent. I dozed off, + myself, in considering the question whether I ought to restore a couple of + pounds sterling to this creature before losing sight of him, and how it + could best be done. In the act of dipping forward as if I were going to + bathe among the horses, I woke in a fright and took the question up again. + </p> + <p> + But I must have lost it longer than I had thought, since, although I could + recognize nothing in the darkness and the fitful lights and shadows of our + lamps, I traced marsh country in the cold damp wind that blew at us. + Cowering forward for warmth and to make me a screen against the wind, the + convicts were closer to me than before. The very first words I heard them + interchange as I became conscious, were the words of my own thought, "Two + One Pound notes." + </p> + <p> + "How did he get 'em?" said the convict I had never seen. + </p> + <p> + "How should I know?" returned the other. "He had 'em stowed away somehows. + Giv him by friends, I expect." + </p> + <p> + "I wish," said the other, with a bitter curse upon the cold, "that I had + 'em here." + </p> + <p> + "Two one pound notes, or friends?" + </p> + <p> + "Two one pound notes. I'd sell all the friends I ever had for one, and + think it a blessed good bargain. Well? So he says—?" + </p> + <p> + "So he says," resumed the convict I had recognized,—"it was all said + and done in half a minute, behind a pile of timber in the Dock-yard,—'You're + a going to be discharged?' Yes, I was. Would I find out that boy that had + fed him and kep his secret, and give him them two one pound notes? Yes, I + would. And I did." + </p> + <p> + "More fool you," growled the other. "I'd have spent 'em on a Man, in + wittles and drink. He must have been a green one. Mean to say he knowed + nothing of you?" + </p> + <p> + "Not a ha'porth. Different gangs and different ships. He was tried again + for prison breaking, and got made a Lifer." + </p> + <p> + "And was that—Honor!—the only time you worked out, in this + part of the country?" + </p> + <p> + "The only time." + </p> + <p> + "What might have been your opinion of the place?" + </p> + <p> + "A most beastly place. Mudbank, mist, swamp, and work; work, swamp, mist, + and mudbank." + </p> + <p> + They both execrated the place in very strong language, and gradually + growled themselves out, and had nothing left to say. + </p> + <p> + After overhearing this dialogue, I should assuredly have got down and been + left in the solitude and darkness of the highway, but for feeling certain + that the man had no suspicion of my identity. Indeed, I was not only so + changed in the course of nature, but so differently dressed and so + differently circumstanced, that it was not at all likely he could have + known me without accidental help. Still, the coincidence of our being + together on the coach, was sufficiently strange to fill me with a dread + that some other coincidence might at any moment connect me, in his + hearing, with my name. For this reason, I resolved to alight as soon as we + touched the town, and put myself out of his hearing. This device I + executed successfully. My little portmanteau was in the boot under my + feet; I had but to turn a hinge to get it out; I threw it down before me, + got down after it, and was left at the first lamp on the first stones of + the town pavement. As to the convicts, they went their way with the coach, + and I knew at what point they would be spirited off to the river. In my + fancy, I saw the boat with its convict crew waiting for them at the + slime-washed stairs,—again heard the gruff "Give way, you!" like and + order to dogs,—again saw the wicked Noah's Ark lying out on the + black water. + </p> + <p> + I could not have said what I was afraid of, for my fear was altogether + undefined and vague, but there was great fear upon me. As I walked on to + the hotel, I felt that a dread, much exceeding the mere apprehension of a + painful or disagreeable recognition, made me tremble. I am confident that + it took no distinctness of shape, and that it was the revival for a few + minutes of the terror of childhood. + </p> + <p> + The coffee-room at the Blue Boar was empty, and I had not only ordered my + dinner there, but had sat down to it, before the waiter knew me. As soon + as he had apologized for the remissness of his memory, he asked me if he + should send Boots for Mr. Pumblechook? + </p> + <p> + "No," said I, "certainly not." + </p> + <p> + The waiter (it was he who had brought up the Great Remonstrance from the + Commercials, on the day when I was bound) appeared surprised, and took the + earliest opportunity of putting a dirty old copy of a local newspaper so + directly in my way, that I took it up and read this paragraph:— + </p> + <p> + Our readers will learn, not altogether without interest, in reference to + the recent romantic rise in fortune of a young artificer in iron of this + neighborhood (what a theme, by the way, for the magic pen of our as yet + not universally acknowledged townsman TOOBY, the poet of our columns!) + that the youth's earliest patron, companion, and friend, was a highly + respected individual not entirely unconnected with the corn and seed + trade, and whose eminently convenient and commodious business premises are + situate within a hundred miles of the High Street. It is not wholly + irrespective of our personal feelings that we record HIM as the Mentor of + our young Telemachus, for it is good to know that our town produced the + founder of the latter's fortunes. Does the thought-contracted brow of the + local Sage or the lustrous eye of local Beauty inquire whose fortunes? We + believe that Quintin Matsys was the BLACKSMITH of Antwerp. VERB. SAP. + </p> + <p> + I entertain a conviction, based upon large experience, that if in the days + of my prosperity I had gone to the North Pole, I should have met somebody + there, wandering Esquimaux or civilized man, who would have told me that + Pumblechook was my earliest patron and the founder of my fortunes. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0029" id="link2HCH0029"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XXIX + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">B</span>etimes in the morning I was up and out. It was too early yet to go to + Miss Havisham's, so I loitered into the country on Miss Havisham's side of + town,—which was not Joe's side; I could go there to-morrow,—thinking + about my patroness, and painting brilliant pictures of her plans for me. + </p> + <p> + She had adopted Estella, she had as good as adopted me, and it could not + fail to be her intention to bring us together. She reserved it for me to + restore the desolate house, admit the sunshine into the dark rooms, set + the clocks a-going and the cold hearths a-blazing, tear down the cobwebs, + destroy the vermin,—in short, do all the shining deeds of the young + Knight of romance, and marry the Princess. I had stopped to look at the + house as I passed; and its seared red brick walls, blocked windows, and + strong green ivy clasping even the stacks of chimneys with its twigs and + tendons, as if with sinewy old arms, had made up a rich attractive + mystery, of which I was the hero. Estella was the inspiration of it, and + the heart of it, of course. But, though she had taken such strong + possession of me, though my fancy and my hope were so set upon her, though + her influence on my boyish life and character had been all-powerful, I did + not, even that romantic morning, invest her with any attributes save those + she possessed. I mention this in this place, of a fixed purpose, because + it is the clew by which I am to be followed into my poor labyrinth. + According to my experience, the conventional notion of a lover cannot be + always true. The unqualified truth is, that when I loved Estella with the + love of a man, I loved her simply because I found her irresistible. Once + for all; I knew to my sorrow, often and often, if not always, that I loved + her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against + happiness, against all discouragement that could be. Once for all; I loved + her none the less because I knew it, and it had no more influence in + restraining me than if I had devoutly believed her to be human perfection. + </p> + <p> + I so shaped out my walk as to arrive at the gate at my old time. When I + had rung at the bell with an unsteady hand, I turned my back upon the + gate, while I tried to get my breath and keep the beating of my heart + moderately quiet. I heard the side-door open, and steps come across the + courtyard; but I pretended not to hear, even when the gate swung on its + rusty hinges. + </p> + <p> + Being at last touched on the shoulder, I started and turned. I started + much more naturally then, to find myself confronted by a man in a sober + gray dress. The last man I should have expected to see in that place of + porter at Miss Havisham's door. + </p> + <p> + "Orlick!" + </p> + <p> + "Ah, young master, there's more changes than yours. But come in, come in. + It's opposed to my orders to hold the gate open." + </p> + <p> + I entered and he swung it, and locked it, and took the key out. "Yes!" + said he, facing round, after doggedly preceding me a few steps towards the + house. "Here I am!" + </p> + <p> + "How did you come here?" + </p> + <p> + "I come her," he retorted, "on my legs. I had my box brought alongside me + in a barrow." + </p> + <p> + "Are you here for good?" + </p> + <p> + "I ain't here for harm, young master, I suppose?" + </p> + <p> + I was not so sure of that. I had leisure to entertain the retort in my + mind, while he slowly lifted his heavy glance from the pavement, up my + legs and arms, to my face. + </p> + <p> + "Then you have left the forge?" I said. + </p> + <p> + "Do this look like a forge?" replied Orlick, sending his glance all round + him with an air of injury. "Now, do it look like it?" + </p> + <p> + I asked him how long he had left Gargery's forge? + </p> + <p> + "One day is so like another here," he replied, "that I don't know without + casting it up. However, I come here some time since you left." + </p> + <p> + "I could have told you that, Orlick." + </p> + <p> + "Ah!" said he, dryly. "But then you've got to be a scholar." + </p> + <p> + By this time we had come to the house, where I found his room to be one + just within the side-door, with a little window in it looking on the + courtyard. In its small proportions, it was not unlike the kind of place + usually assigned to a gate-porter in Paris. Certain keys were hanging on + the wall, to which he now added the gate key; and his patchwork-covered + bed was in a little inner division or recess. The whole had a slovenly, + confined, and sleepy look, like a cage for a human dormouse; while he, + looming dark and heavy in the shadow of a corner by the window, looked + like the human dormouse for whom it was fitted up,—as indeed he was. + </p> + <p> + "I never saw this room before," I remarked; "but there used to be no + Porter here." + </p> + <p> + "No," said he; "not till it got about that there was no protection on the + premises, and it come to be considered dangerous, with convicts and Tag + and Rag and Bobtail going up and down. And then I was recommended to the + place as a man who could give another man as good as he brought, and I + took it. It's easier than bellowsing and hammering.—That's loaded, + that is." + </p> + <p> + My eye had been caught by a gun with a brass-bound stock over the + chimney-piece, and his eye had followed mine. + </p> + <p> + "Well," said I, not desirous of more conversation, "shall I go up to Miss + Havisham?" + </p> + <p> + "Burn me, if I know!" he retorted, first stretching himself and then + shaking himself; "my orders ends here, young master. I give this here bell + a rap with this here hammer, and you go on along the passage till you meet + somebody." + </p> + <p> + "I am expected, I believe?" + </p> + <p> + "Burn me twice over, if I can say!" said he. + </p> + <p> + Upon that, I turned down the long passage which I had first trodden in my + thick boots, and he made his bell sound. At the end of the passage, while + the bell was still reverberating, I found Sarah Pocket, who appeared to + have now become constitutionally green and yellow by reason of me. + </p> + <p> + "Oh!" said she. "You, is it, Mr. Pip?" + </p> + <p> + "It is, Miss Pocket. I am glad to tell you that Mr. Pocket and family are + all well." + </p> + <p> + "Are they any wiser?" said Sarah, with a dismal shake of the head; "they + had better be wiser, than well. Ah, Matthew, Matthew! You know your way, + sir?" + </p> + <p> + Tolerably, for I had gone up the staircase in the dark, many a time. I + ascended it now, in lighter boots than of yore, and tapped in my old way + at the door of Miss Havisham's room. "Pip's rap," I heard her say, + immediately; "come in, Pip." + </p> + <p> + She was in her chair near the old table, in the old dress, with her two + hands crossed on her stick, her chin resting on them, and her eyes on the + fire. Sitting near her, with the white shoe, that had never been worn, in + her hand, and her head bent as she looked at it, was an elegant lady whom + I had never seen. + </p> + <p> + "Come in, Pip," Miss Havisham continued to mutter, without looking round + or up; "come in, Pip, how do you do, Pip? so you kiss my hand as if I were + a queen, eh?—Well?" + </p> + <p> + She looked up at me suddenly, only moving her eyes, and repeated in a + grimly playful manner,— + </p> + <p> + "Well?" + </p> + <p> + "I heard, Miss Havisham," said I, rather at a loss, "that you were so kind + as to wish me to come and see you, and I came directly." + </p> + <p> + "Well?" + </p> + <p> + The lady whom I had never seen before, lifted up her eyes and looked + archly at me, and then I saw that the eyes were Estella's eyes. But she + was so much changed, was so much more beautiful, so much more womanly, in + all things winning admiration, had made such wonderful advance, that I + seemed to have made none. I fancied, as I looked at her, that I slipped + hopelessly back into the coarse and common boy again. O the sense of + distance and disparity that came upon me, and the inaccessibility that + came about her! + </p> + <p> + She gave me her hand. I stammered something about the pleasure I felt in + seeing her again, and about my having looked forward to it, for a long, + long time. + </p> + <p> + "Do you find her much changed, Pip?" asked Miss Havisham, with her greedy + look, and striking her stick upon a chair that stood between them, as a + sign to me to sit down there. + </p> + <p> + "When I came in, Miss Havisham, I thought there was nothing of Estella in + the face or figure; but now it all settles down so curiously into the old—" + </p> + <p> + "What? You are not going to say into the old Estella?" Miss Havisham + interrupted. "She was proud and insulting, and you wanted to go away from + her. Don't you remember?" + </p> + <p> + I said confusedly that that was long ago, and that I knew no better then, + and the like. Estella smiled with perfect composure, and said she had no + doubt of my having been quite right, and of her having been very + disagreeable. + </p> + <p> + "Is <i>he</i> changed?" Miss Havisham asked her. + </p> + <p> + "Very much," said Estella, looking at me. + </p> + <p> + "Less coarse and common?" said Miss Havisham, playing with Estella's hair. + </p> + <p> + Estella laughed, and looked at the shoe in her hand, and laughed again, + and looked at me, and put the shoe down. She treated me as a boy still, + but she lured me on. + </p> + <p> + We sat in the dreamy room among the old strange influences which had so + wrought upon me, and I learnt that she had but just come home from France, + and that she was going to London. Proud and wilful as of old, she had + brought those qualities into such subjection to her beauty that it was + impossible and out of nature—or I thought so—to separate them + from her beauty. Truly it was impossible to dissociate her presence from + all those wretched hankerings after money and gentility that had disturbed + my boyhood,—from all those ill-regulated aspirations that had first + made me ashamed of home and Joe,—from all those visions that had + raised her face in the glowing fire, struck it out of the iron on the + anvil, extracted it from the darkness of night to look in at the wooden + window of the forge, and flit away. In a word, it was impossible for me to + separate her, in the past or in the present, from the innermost life of my + life. + </p> + <p> + It was settled that I should stay there all the rest of the day, and + return to the hotel at night, and to London to-morrow. When we had + conversed for a while, Miss Havisham sent us two out to walk in the + neglected garden: on our coming in by and by, she said, I should wheel her + about a little, as in times of yore. + </p> + <p> + So, Estella and I went out into the garden by the gate through which I had + strayed to my encounter with the pale young gentleman, now Herbert; I, + trembling in spirit and worshipping the very hem of her dress; she, quite + composed and most decidedly not worshipping the hem of mine. As we drew + near to the place of encounter, she stopped and said,— + </p> + <p> + "I must have been a singular little creature to hide and see that fight + that day; but I did, and I enjoyed it very much." + </p> + <p> + "You rewarded me very much." + </p> + <p> + "Did I?" she replied, in an incidental and forgetful way. "I remember I + entertained a great objection to your adversary, because I took it ill + that he should be brought here to pester me with his company." + </p> + <p> + "He and I are great friends now." + </p> + <p> + "Are you? I think I recollect though, that you read with his father?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes." + </p> + <p> + I made the admission with reluctance, for it seemed to have a boyish look, + and she already treated me more than enough like a boy. + </p> + <p> + "Since your change of fortune and prospects, you have changed your + companions," said Estella. + </p> + <p> + "Naturally," said I. + </p> + <p> + "And necessarily," she added, in a haughty tone; "what was fit company for + you once, would be quite unfit company for you now." + </p> + <p> + In my conscience, I doubt very much whether I had any lingering intention + left of going to see Joe; but if I had, this observation put it to flight. + </p> + <p> + "You had no idea of your impending good fortune, in those times?" said + Estella, with a slight wave of her hand, signifying in the fighting times. + </p> + <p> + "Not the least." + </p> + <p> + The air of completeness and superiority with which she walked at my side, + and the air of youthfulness and submission with which I walked at hers, + made a contrast that I strongly felt. It would have rankled in me more + than it did, if I had not regarded myself as eliciting it by being so set + apart for her and assigned to her. + </p> + <p> + The garden was too overgrown and rank for walking in with ease, and after + we had made the round of it twice or thrice, we came out again into the + brewery yard. I showed her to a nicety where I had seen her walking on the + casks, that first old day, and she said, with a cold and careless look in + that direction, "Did I?" I reminded her where she had come out of the + house and given me my meat and drink, and she said, "I don't remember." + "Not remember that you made me cry?" said I. "No," said she, and shook her + head and looked about her. I verily believe that her not remembering and + not minding in the least, made me cry again, inwardly,—and that is + the sharpest crying of all. + </p> + <p> + "You must know," said Estella, condescending to me as a brilliant and + beautiful woman might, "that I have no heart,—if that has anything + to do with my memory." + </p> + <p> + I got through some jargon to the effect that I took the liberty of + doubting that. That I knew better. That there could be no such beauty + without it. + </p> + <p> + "Oh! I have a heart to be stabbed in or shot in, I have no doubt," said + Estella, "and of course if it ceased to beat I should cease to be. But you + know what I mean. I have no softness there, no—sympathy—sentiment—nonsense." + </p> + <p> + What <i>was</i> it that was borne in upon my mind when she stood still and looked + attentively at me? Anything that I had seen in Miss Havisham? No. In some + of her looks and gestures there was that tinge of resemblance to Miss + Havisham which may often be noticed to have been acquired by children, + from grown person with whom they have been much associated and secluded, + and which, when childhood is passed, will produce a remarkable occasional + likeness of expression between faces that are otherwise quite different. + And yet I could not trace this to Miss Havisham. I looked again, and + though she was still looking at me, the suggestion was gone. + </p> + <p> + What <i>was</i> it? + </p> + <p> + "I am serious," said Estella, not so much with a frown (for her brow was + smooth) as with a darkening of her face; "if we are to be thrown much + together, you had better believe it at once. No!" imperiously stopping me + as I opened my lips. "I have not bestowed my tenderness anywhere. I have + never had any such thing." + </p> + <p> + In another moment we were in the brewery, so long disused, and she pointed + to the high gallery where I had seen her going out on that same first day, + and told me she remembered to have been up there, and to have seen me + standing scared below. As my eyes followed her white hand, again the same + dim suggestion that I could not possibly grasp crossed me. My involuntary + start occasioned her to lay her hand upon my arm. Instantly the ghost + passed once more and was gone. + </p> + <p> + What <i>was</i> it? + </p> + <p> + "What is the matter?" asked Estella. "Are you scared again?" + </p> + <p> + "I should be, if I believed what you said just now," I replied, to turn it + off. + </p> + <p> + "Then you don't? Very well. It is said, at any rate. Miss Havisham will + soon be expecting you at your old post, though I think that might be laid + aside now, with other old belongings. Let us make one more round of the + garden, and then go in. Come! You shall not shed tears for my cruelty + to-day; you shall be my Page, and give me your shoulder." + </p> + <p> + Her handsome dress had trailed upon the ground. She held it in one hand + now, and with the other lightly touched my shoulder as we walked. We + walked round the ruined garden twice or thrice more, and it was all in + bloom for me. If the green and yellow growth of weed in the chinks of the + old wall had been the most precious flowers that ever blew, it could not + have been more cherished in my remembrance. + </p> + <p> + There was no discrepancy of years between us to remove her far from me; we + were of nearly the same age, though of course the age told for more in her + case than in mine; but the air of inaccessibility which her beauty and her + manner gave her, tormented me in the midst of my delight, and at the + height of the assurance I felt that our patroness had chosen us for one + another. Wretched boy! + </p> + <p> + At last we went back into the house, and there I heard, with surprise, + that my guardian had come down to see Miss Havisham on business, and would + come back to dinner. The old wintry branches of chandeliers in the room + where the mouldering table was spread had been lighted while we were out, + and Miss Havisham was in her chair and waiting for me. + </p> + <p> + It was like pushing the chair itself back into the past, when we began the + old slow circuit round about the ashes of the bridal feast. But, in the + funereal room, with that figure of the grave fallen back in the chair + fixing its eyes upon her, Estella looked more bright and beautiful than + before, and I was under stronger enchantment. + </p> + <p> + The time so melted away, that our early dinner-hour drew close at hand, + and Estella left us to prepare herself. We had stopped near the centre of + the long table, and Miss Havisham, with one of her withered arms stretched + out of the chair, rested that clenched hand upon the yellow cloth. As + Estella looked back over her shoulder before going out at the door, Miss + Havisham kissed that hand to her, with a ravenous intensity that was of + its kind quite dreadful. + </p> + <p> + Then, Estella being gone and we two left alone, she turned to me, and said + in a whisper,— + </p> + <p> + "Is she beautiful, graceful, well-grown? Do you admire her?" + </p> + <p> + "Everybody must who sees her, Miss Havisham." + </p> + <p> + She drew an arm round my neck, and drew my head close down to hers as she + sat in the chair. "Love her, love her, love her! How does she use you?" + </p> + <p> + Before I could answer (if I could have answered so difficult a question at + all) she repeated, "Love her, love her, love her! If she favors you, love + her. If she wounds you, love her. If she tears your heart to pieces,—and + as it gets older and stronger it will tear deeper,—love her, love + her, love her!" + </p> + <p> + Never had I seen such passionate eagerness as was joined to her utterance + of these words. I could feel the muscles of the thin arm round my neck + swell with the vehemence that possessed her. + </p> + <p> + "Hear me, Pip! I adopted her, to be loved. I bred her and educated her, to + be loved. I developed her into what she is, that she might be loved. Love + her!" + </p> + <p> + She said the word often enough, and there could be no doubt that she meant + to say it; but if the often repeated word had been hate instead of love—despair—revenge—dire + death—it could not have sounded from her lips more like a curse. + </p> + <p> + "I'll tell you," said she, in the same hurried passionate whisper, "what + real love is. It is blind devotion, unquestioning self-humiliation, utter + submission, trust and belief against yourself and against the whole world, + giving up your whole heart and soul to the smiter—as I did!" + </p> + <p> + When she came to that, and to a wild cry that followed that, I caught her + round the waist. For she rose up in the chair, in her shroud of a dress, + and struck at the air as if she would as soon have struck herself against + the wall and fallen dead. + </p> + <p> + All this passed in a few seconds. As I drew her down into her chair, I was + conscious of a scent that I knew, and turning, saw my guardian in the + room. + </p> + <p> + He always carried (I have not yet mentioned it, I think) a + pocket-handkerchief of rich silk and of imposing proportions, which was of + great value to him in his profession. I have seen him so terrify a client + or a witness by ceremoniously unfolding this pocket-handkerchief as if he + were immediately going to blow his nose, and then pausing, as if he knew + he should not have time to do it before such client or witness committed + himself, that the self-committal has followed directly, quite as a matter + of course. When I saw him in the room he had this expressive + pocket-handkerchief in both hands, and was looking at us. On meeting my + eye, he said plainly, by a momentary and silent pause in that attitude, + "Indeed? Singular!" and then put the handkerchief to its right use with + wonderful effect. + </p> + <p> + Miss Havisham had seen him as soon as I, and was (like everybody else) + afraid of him. She made a strong attempt to compose herself, and stammered + that he was as punctual as ever. + </p> + <p> + "As punctual as ever," he repeated, coming up to us. "(How do you do, Pip? + Shall I give you a ride, Miss Havisham? Once round?) And so you are here, + Pip?" + </p> + <p> + I told him when I had arrived, and how Miss Havisham had wished me to come + and see Estella. To which he replied, "Ah! Very fine young lady!" Then he + pushed Miss Havisham in her chair before him, with one of his large hands, + and put the other in his trousers-pocket as if the pocket were full of + secrets. + </p> + <p> + "Well, Pip! How often have you seen Miss Estella before?" said he, when he + came to a stop. + </p> + <p> + "How often?" + </p> + <p> + "Ah! How many times? Ten thousand times?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh! Certainly not so many." + </p> + <p> + "Twice?" + </p> + <p> + "Jaggers," interposed Miss Havisham, much to my relief, "leave my Pip + alone, and go with him to your dinner." + </p> + <p> + He complied, and we groped our way down the dark stairs together. While we + were still on our way to those detached apartments across the paved yard + at the back, he asked me how often I had seen Miss Havisham eat and drink; + offering me a breadth of choice, as usual, between a hundred times and + once. + </p> + <p> + I considered, and said, "Never." + </p> + <p> + "And never will, Pip," he retorted, with a frowning smile. "She has never + allowed herself to be seen doing either, since she lived this present life + of hers. She wanders about in the night, and then lays hands on such food + as she takes." + </p> + <p> + "Pray, sir," said I, "may I ask you a question?" + </p> + <p> + "You may," said he, "and I may decline to answer it. Put your question." + </p> + <p> + "Estella's name. Is it Havisham or—?" I had nothing to add. + </p> + <p> + "Or what?" said he. + </p> + <p> + "Is it Havisham?" + </p> + <p> + "It is Havisham." + </p> + <p> + This brought us to the dinner-table, where she and Sarah Pocket awaited + us. Mr. Jaggers presided, Estella sat opposite to him, I faced my green + and yellow friend. We dined very well, and were waited on by a + maid-servant whom I had never seen in all my comings and goings, but who, + for anything I know, had been in that mysterious house the whole time. + After dinner a bottle of choice old port was placed before my guardian (he + was evidently well acquainted with the vintage), and the two ladies left + us. + </p> + <p> + Anything to equal the determined reticence of Mr. Jaggers under that roof + I never saw elsewhere, even in him. He kept his very looks to himself, and + scarcely directed his eyes to Estella's face once during dinner. When she + spoke to him, he listened, and in due course answered, but never looked at + her, that I could see. On the other hand, she often looked at him, with + interest and curiosity, if not distrust, but his face never showed the + least consciousness. Throughout dinner he took a dry delight in making + Sarah Pocket greener and yellower, by often referring in conversation with + me to my expectations; but here, again, he showed no consciousness, and + even made it appear that he extorted—and even did extort, though I + don't know how—those references out of my innocent self. + </p> + <p> + And when he and I were left alone together, he sat with an air upon him of + general lying by in consequence of information he possessed, that really + was too much for me. He cross-examined his very wine when he had nothing + else in hand. He held it between himself and the candle, tasted the port, + rolled it in his mouth, swallowed it, looked at his glass again, smelt the + port, tried it, drank it, filled again, and cross-examined the glass + again, until I was as nervous as if I had known the wine to be telling him + something to my disadvantage. Three or four times I feebly thought I would + start conversation; but whenever he saw me going to ask him anything, he + looked at me with his glass in his hand, and rolling his wine about in his + mouth, as if requesting me to take notice that it was of no use, for he + couldn't answer. + </p> + <p> + I think Miss Pocket was conscious that the sight of me involved her in the + danger of being goaded to madness, and perhaps tearing off her cap,—which + was a very hideous one, in the nature of a muslin mop,—and strewing + the ground with her hair,—which assuredly had never grown on <i>her</i> + head. She did not appear when we afterwards went up to Miss Havisham's + room, and we four played at whist. In the interval, Miss Havisham, in a + fantastic way, had put some of the most beautiful jewels from her + dressing-table into Estella's hair, and about her bosom and arms; and I + saw even my guardian look at her from under his thick eyebrows, and raise + them a little, when her loveliness was before him, with those rich flushes + of glitter and color in it. + </p> +<div class="fig" > + <img src="images/0242m.jpg" alt="0242m " /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/0242.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + Of the manner and extent to which he took our trumps into custody, and + came out with mean little cards at the ends of hands, before which the + glory of our Kings and Queens was utterly abased, I say nothing; nor, of + the feeling that I had, respecting his looking upon us personally in the + light of three very obvious and poor riddles that he had found out long + ago. What I suffered from, was the incompatibility between his cold + presence and my feelings towards Estella. It was not that I knew I could + never bear to speak to him about her, that I knew I could never bear to + hear him creak his boots at her, that I knew I could never bear to see him + wash his hands of her; it was, that my admiration should be within a foot + or two of him,—it was, that my feelings should be in the same place + with him,—<i>that</i>, was the agonizing circumstance. + </p> + <p> + We played until nine o'clock, and then it was arranged that when Estella + came to London I should be forewarned of her coming and should meet her at + the coach; and then I took leave of her, and touched her and left her. + </p> + <p> + My guardian lay at the Boar in the next room to mine. Far into the night, + Miss Havisham's words, "Love her, love her, love her!" sounded in my ears. + I adapted them for my own repetition, and said to my pillow, "I love her, + I love her, I love her!" hundreds of times. Then, a burst of gratitude + came upon me, that she should be destined for me, once the blacksmith's + boy. Then I thought if she were, as I feared, by no means rapturously + grateful for that destiny yet, when would she begin to be interested in + me? When should I awaken the heart within her that was mute and sleeping + now? + </p> + <p> + Ah me! I thought those were high and great emotions. But I never thought + there was anything low and small in my keeping away from Joe, because I + knew she would be contemptuous of him. It was but a day gone, and Joe had + brought the tears into my eyes; they had soon dried, God forgive me! soon + dried. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0030" id="link2HCH0030"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XXX + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">A</span>fter well considering the matter while I was dressing at the Blue Boar in + the morning, I resolved to tell my guardian that I doubted Orlick's being + the right sort of man to fill a post of trust at Miss Havisham's. "Why of + course he is not the right sort of man, Pip," said my guardian, + comfortably satisfied beforehand on the general head, "because the man who + fills the post of trust never is the right sort of man." It seemed quite + to put him into spirits to find that this particular post was not + exceptionally held by the right sort of man, and he listened in a + satisfied manner while I told him what knowledge I had of Orlick. "Very + good, Pip," he observed, when I had concluded, "I'll go round presently, + and pay our friend off." Rather alarmed by this summary action, I was for + a little delay, and even hinted that our friend himself might be difficult + to deal with. "Oh no he won't," said my guardian, making his + pocket-handkerchief-point, with perfect confidence; "I should like to see + him argue the question with <i>me</i>." + </p> + <p> + As we were going back together to London by the midday coach, and as I + breakfasted under such terrors of Pumblechook that I could scarcely hold + my cup, this gave me an opportunity of saying that I wanted a walk, and + that I would go on along the London road while Mr. Jaggers was occupied, + if he would let the coachman know that I would get into my place when + overtaken. I was thus enabled to fly from the Blue Boar immediately after + breakfast. By then making a loop of about a couple of miles into the open + country at the back of Pumblechook's premises, I got round into the High + Street again, a little beyond that pitfall, and felt myself in comparative + security. + </p> + <p> + It was interesting to be in the quiet old town once more, and it was not + disagreeable to be here and there suddenly recognized and stared after. + One or two of the tradespeople even darted out of their shops and went a + little way down the street before me, that they might turn, as if they had + forgotten something, and pass me face to face,—on which occasions I + don't know whether they or I made the worse pretence; they of not doing + it, or I of not seeing it. Still my position was a distinguished one, and + I was not at all dissatisfied with it, until Fate threw me in the way of + that unlimited miscreant, Trabb's boy. + </p> + <p> + Casting my eyes along the street at a certain point of my progress, I + beheld Trabb's boy approaching, lashing himself with an empty blue bag. + Deeming that a serene and unconscious contemplation of him would best + beseem me, and would be most likely to quell his evil mind, I advanced + with that expression of countenance, and was rather congratulating myself + on my success, when suddenly the knees of Trabb's boy smote together, his + hair uprose, his cap fell off, he trembled violently in every limb, + staggered out into the road, and crying to the populace, "Hold me! I'm so + frightened!" feigned to be in a paroxysm of terror and contrition, + occasioned by the dignity of my appearance. As I passed him, his teeth + loudly chattered in his head, and with every mark of extreme humiliation, + he prostrated himself in the dust. + </p> + <p> + This was a hard thing to bear, but this was nothing. I had not advanced + another two hundred yards when, to my inexpressible terror, amazement, and + indignation, I again beheld Trabb's boy approaching. He was coming round a + narrow corner. His blue bag was slung over his shoulder, honest industry + beamed in his eyes, a determination to proceed to Trabb's with cheerful + briskness was indicated in his gait. With a shock he became aware of me, + and was severely visited as before; but this time his motion was rotatory, + and he staggered round and round me with knees more afflicted, and with + uplifted hands as if beseeching for mercy. His sufferings were hailed with + the greatest joy by a knot of spectators, and I felt utterly confounded. + </p> + <p> + I had not got as much further down the street as the post-office, when I + again beheld Trabb's boy shooting round by a back way. This time, he was + entirely changed. He wore the blue bag in the manner of my great-coat, and + was strutting along the pavement towards me on the opposite side of the + street, attended by a company of delighted young friends to whom he from + time to time exclaimed, with a wave of his hand, "Don't know yah!" Words + cannot state the amount of aggravation and injury wreaked upon me by + Trabb's boy, when passing abreast of me, he pulled up his shirt-collar, + twined his side-hair, stuck an arm akimbo, and smirked extravagantly by, + wriggling his elbows and body, and drawling to his attendants, "Don't know + yah, don't know yah, 'pon my soul don't know yah!" The disgrace attendant + on his immediately afterwards taking to crowing and pursuing me across the + bridge with crows, as from an exceedingly dejected fowl who had known me + when I was a blacksmith, culminated the disgrace with which I left the + town, and was, so to speak, ejected by it into the open country. + </p> +<div class="fig" > + <img src="images/0245m.jpg" alt="0245m " /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/0245.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + But unless I had taken the life of Trabb's boy on that occasion, I really + do not even now see what I could have done save endure. To have struggled + with him in the street, or to have exacted any lower recompense from him + than his heart's best blood, would have been futile and degrading. + Moreover, he was a boy whom no man could hurt; an invulnerable and dodging + serpent who, when chased into a corner, flew out again between his + captor's legs, scornfully yelping. I wrote, however, to Mr. Trabb by next + day's post, to say that Mr. Pip must decline to deal further with one who + could so far forget what he owed to the best interests of society, as to + employ a boy who excited Loathing in every respectable mind. + </p> + <p> + The coach, with Mr. Jaggers inside, came up in due time, and I took my + box-seat again, and arrived in London safe,—but not sound, for my + heart was gone. As soon as I arrived, I sent a penitential codfish and + barrel of oysters to Joe (as reparation for not having gone myself), and + then went on to Barnard's Inn. + </p> + <p> + I found Herbert dining on cold meat, and delighted to welcome me back. + Having despatched The Avenger to the coffee-house for an addition to the + dinner, I felt that I must open my breast that very evening to my friend + and chum. As confidence was out of the question with The Avenger in the + hall, which could merely be regarded in the light of an antechamber to the + keyhole, I sent him to the Play. A better proof of the severity of my + bondage to that taskmaster could scarcely be afforded, than the degrading + shifts to which I was constantly driven to find him employment. So mean is + extremity, that I sometimes sent him to Hyde Park corner to see what + o'clock it was. + </p> + <p> + Dinner done and we sitting with our feet upon the fender, I said to + Herbert, "My dear Herbert, I have something very particular to tell you." + </p> + <p> + "My dear Handel," he returned, "I shall esteem and respect your + confidence." + </p> + <p> + "It concerns myself, Herbert," said I, "and one other person." + </p> + <p> + Herbert crossed his feet, looked at the fire with his head on one side, + and having looked at it in vain for some time, looked at me because I + didn't go on. + </p> + <p> + "Herbert," said I, laying my hand upon his knee, "I love—I adore—Estella." + </p> + <p> + Instead of being transfixed, Herbert replied in an easy matter-of-course + way, "Exactly. Well?" + </p> + <p> + "Well, Herbert? Is that all you say? Well?" + </p> + <p> + "What next, I mean?" said Herbert. "Of course I know <i>that</i>." + </p> + <p> + "How do you know it?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "How do I know it, Handel? Why, from you." + </p> + <p> + "I never told you." + </p> + <p> + "Told me! You have never told me when you have got your hair cut, but I + have had senses to perceive it. You have always adored her, ever since I + have known you. You brought your adoration and your portmanteau here + together. Told me! Why, you have always told me all day long. When you + told me your own story, you told me plainly that you began adoring her the + first time you saw her, when you were very young indeed." + </p> + <p> + "Very well, then," said I, to whom this was a new and not unwelcome light, + "I have never left off adoring her. And she has come back, a most + beautiful and most elegant creature. And I saw her yesterday. And if I + adored her before, I now doubly adore her." + </p> + <p> + "Lucky for you then, Handel," said Herbert, "that you are picked out for + her and allotted to her. Without encroaching on forbidden ground, we may + venture to say that there can be no doubt between ourselves of that fact. + Have you any idea yet, of Estella's views on the adoration question?" + </p> + <p> + I shook my head gloomily. "Oh! She is thousands of miles away, from me," + said I. + </p> + <p> + "Patience, my dear Handel: time enough, time enough. But you have + something more to say?" + </p> + <p> + "I am ashamed to say it," I returned, "and yet it's no worse to say it + than to think it. You call me a lucky fellow. Of course, I am. I was a + blacksmith's boy but yesterday; I am—what shall I say I am—to-day?" + </p> + <p> + "Say a good fellow, if you want a phrase," returned Herbert, smiling, and + clapping his hand on the back of mine—"a good fellow, with + impetuosity and hesitation, boldness and diffidence, action and dreaming, + curiously mixed in him." + </p> + <p> + I stopped for a moment to consider whether there really was this mixture + in my character. On the whole, I by no means recognized the analysis, but + thought it not worth disputing. + </p> + <p> + "When I ask what I am to call myself to-day, Herbert," I went on, "I + suggest what I have in my thoughts. You say I am lucky. I know I have done + nothing to raise myself in life, and that Fortune alone has raised me; + that is being very lucky. And yet, when I think of Estella—" + </p> + <p> + ("And when don't you, you know?" Herbert threw in, with his eyes on the + fire; which I thought kind and sympathetic of him.) + </p> + <p> + "—Then, my dear Herbert, I cannot tell you how dependent and + uncertain I feel, and how exposed to hundreds of chances. Avoiding + forbidden ground, as you did just now, I may still say that on the + constancy of one person (naming no person) all my expectations depend. And + at the best, how indefinite and unsatisfactory, only to know so vaguely + what they are!" In saying this, I relieved my mind of what had always been + there, more or less, though no doubt most since yesterday. + </p> + <p> + "Now, Handel," Herbert replied, in his gay, hopeful way, "it seems to me + that in the despondency of the tender passion, we are looking into our + gift-horse's mouth with a magnifying-glass. Likewise, it seems to me that, + concentrating our attention on the examination, we altogether overlook one + of the best points of the animal. Didn't you tell me that your guardian, + Mr. Jaggers, told you in the beginning, that you were not endowed with + expectations only? And even if he had not told you so,—though that + is a very large If, I grant,—could you believe that of all men in + London, Mr. Jaggers is the man to hold his present relations towards you + unless he were sure of his ground?" + </p> + <p> + I said I could not deny that this was a strong point. I said it (people + often do so, in such cases) like a rather reluctant concession to truth + and justice;—as if I wanted to deny it! + </p> + <p> + "I should think it <i>was</i> a strong point," said Herbert, "and I should think + you would be puzzled to imagine a stronger; as to the rest, you must bide + your guardian's time, and he must bide his client's time. You'll be + one-and-twenty before you know where you are, and then perhaps you'll get + some further enlightenment. At all events, you'll be nearer getting it, + for it must come at last." + </p> + <p> + "What a hopeful disposition you have!" said I, gratefully admiring his + cheery ways. + </p> + <p> + "I ought to have," said Herbert, "for I have not much else. I must + acknowledge, by the by, that the good sense of what I have just said is + not my own, but my father's. The only remark I ever heard him make on your + story, was the final one, "The thing is settled and done, or Mr. Jaggers + would not be in it." And now before I say anything more about my father, + or my father's son, and repay confidence with confidence, I want to make + myself seriously disagreeable to you for a moment,—positively + repulsive." + </p> + <p> + "You won't succeed," said I. + </p> + <p> + "O yes I shall!" said he. "One, two, three, and now I am in for it. + Handel, my good fellow;"—though he spoke in this light tone, he was + very much in earnest,—"I have been thinking since we have been + talking with our feet on this fender, that Estella surely cannot be a + condition of your inheritance, if she was never referred to by your + guardian. Am I right in so understanding what you have told me, as that he + never referred to her, directly or indirectly, in any way? Never even + hinted, for instance, that your patron might have views as to your + marriage ultimately?" + </p> + <p> + "Never." + </p> + <p> + "Now, Handel, I am quite free from the flavor of sour grapes, upon my soul + and honor! Not being bound to her, can you not detach yourself from her?—I + told you I should be disagreeable." + </p> + <p> + I turned my head aside, for, with a rush and a sweep, like the old marsh + winds coming up from the sea, a feeling like that which had subdued me on + the morning when I left the forge, when the mists were solemnly rising, + and when I laid my hand upon the village finger-post, smote upon my heart + again. There was silence between us for a little while. + </p> + <p> + "Yes; but my dear Handel," Herbert went on, as if we had been talking, + instead of silent, "its having been so strongly rooted in the breast of a + boy whom nature and circumstances made so romantic, renders it very + serious. Think of her bringing-up, and think of Miss Havisham. Think of + what she is herself (now I am repulsive and you abominate me). This may + lead to miserable things." + </p> + <p> + "I know it, Herbert," said I, with my head still turned away, "but I can't + help it." + </p> + <p> + "You can't detach yourself?" + </p> + <p> + "No. Impossible!" + </p> + <p> + "You can't try, Handel?" + </p> + <p> + "No. Impossible!" + </p> + <p> + "Well!" said Herbert, getting up with a lively shake as if he had been + asleep, and stirring the fire, "now I'll endeavor to make myself agreeable + again!" + </p> + <p> + So he went round the room and shook the curtains out, put the chairs in + their places, tidied the books and so forth that were lying about, looked + into the hall, peeped into the letter-box, shut the door, and came back to + his chair by the fire: where he sat down, nursing his left leg in both + arms. + </p> + <p> + "I was going to say a word or two, Handel, concerning my father and my + father's son. I am afraid it is scarcely necessary for my father's son to + remark that my father's establishment is not particularly brilliant in its + housekeeping." + </p> + <p> + "There is always plenty, Herbert," said I, to say something encouraging. + </p> + <p> + "O yes! and so the dustman says, I believe, with the strongest approval, + and so does the marine-store shop in the back street. Gravely, Handel, for + the subject is grave enough, you know how it is as well as I do. I suppose + there was a time once when my father had not given matters up; but if ever + there was, the time is gone. May I ask you if you have ever had an + opportunity of remarking, down in your part of the country, that the + children of not exactly suitable marriages are always most particularly + anxious to be married?" + </p> + <p> + This was such a singular question, that I asked him in return, "Is it so?" + </p> + <p> + "I don't know," said Herbert, "that's what I want to know. Because it is + decidedly the case with us. My poor sister Charlotte, who was next me and + died before she was fourteen, was a striking example. Little Jane is the + same. In her desire to be matrimonially established, you might suppose her + to have passed her short existence in the perpetual contemplation of + domestic bliss. Little Alick in a frock has already made arrangements for + his union with a suitable young person at Kew. And indeed, I think we are + all engaged, except the baby." + </p> + <p> + "Then you are?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "I am," said Herbert; "but it's a secret." + </p> + <p> + I assured him of my keeping the secret, and begged to be favored with + further particulars. He had spoken so sensibly and feelingly of my + weakness that I wanted to know something about his strength. + </p> + <p> + "May I ask the name?" I said. + </p> + <p> + "Name of Clara," said Herbert. + </p> + <p> + "Live in London?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, perhaps I ought to mention," said Herbert, who had become curiously + crestfallen and meek, since we entered on the interesting theme, "that she + is rather below my mother's nonsensical family notions. Her father had to + do with the victualling of passenger-ships. I think he was a species of + purser." + </p> + <p> + "What is he now?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "He's an invalid now," replied Herbert. + </p> + <p> + "Living on—?" + </p> + <p> + "On the first floor," said Herbert. Which was not at all what I meant, for + I had intended my question to apply to his means. "I have never seen him, + for he has always kept his room overhead, since I have known Clara. But I + have heard him constantly. He makes tremendous rows,—roars, and pegs + at the floor with some frightful instrument." In looking at me and then + laughing heartily, Herbert for the time recovered his usual lively manner. + </p> + <p> + "Don't you expect to see him?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "O yes, I constantly expect to see him," returned Herbert, "because I + never hear him, without expecting him to come tumbling through the + ceiling. But I don't know how long the rafters may hold." + </p> + <p> + When he had once more laughed heartily, he became meek again, and told me + that the moment he began to realize Capital, it was his intention to marry + this young lady. He added as a self-evident proposition, engendering low + spirits, "But you <i>can't</i> marry, you know, while you're looking about you." + </p> + <p> + As we contemplated the fire, and as I thought what a difficult vision to + realize this same Capital sometimes was, I put my hands in my pockets. A + folded piece of paper in one of them attracting my attention, I opened it + and found it to be the play-bill I had received from Joe, relative to the + celebrated provincial amateur of Roscian renown. "And bless my heart," I + involuntarily added aloud, "it's to-night!" + </p> + <p> + This changed the subject in an instant, and made us hurriedly resolve to + go to the play. So, when I had pledged myself to comfort and abet Herbert + in the affair of his heart by all practicable and impracticable means, and + when Herbert had told me that his affianced already knew me by reputation + and that I should be presented to her, and when we had warmly shaken hands + upon our mutual confidence, we blew out our candles, made up our fire, + locked our door, and issued forth in quest of Mr. Wopsle and Denmark. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0031" id="link2HCH0031"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XXXI + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">O</span>n our arrival in Denmark, we found the king and queen of that country + elevated in two arm-chairs on a kitchen-table, holding a Court. The whole + of the Danish nobility were in attendance; consisting of a noble boy in + the wash-leather boots of a gigantic ancestor, a venerable Peer with a + dirty face who seemed to have risen from the people late in life, and the + Danish chivalry with a comb in its hair and a pair of white silk legs, and + presenting on the whole a feminine appearance. My gifted townsman stood + gloomily apart, with folded arms, and I could have wished that his curls + and forehead had been more probable. + </p> + <p> + Several curious little circumstances transpired as the action proceeded. + The late king of the country not only appeared to have been troubled with + a cough at the time of his decease, but to have taken it with him to the + tomb, and to have brought it back. The royal phantom also carried a + ghostly manuscript round its truncheon, to which it had the appearance of + occasionally referring, and that too, with an air of anxiety and a + tendency to lose the place of reference which were suggestive of a state + of mortality. It was this, I conceive, which led to the Shade's being + advised by the gallery to "turn over!"—a recommendation which it + took extremely ill. It was likewise to be noted of this majestic spirit, + that whereas it always appeared with an air of having been out a long time + and walked an immense distance, it perceptibly came from a closely + contiguous wall. This occasioned its terrors to be received derisively. + The Queen of Denmark, a very buxom lady, though no doubt historically + brazen, was considered by the public to have too much brass about her; her + chin being attached to her diadem by a broad band of that metal (as if she + had a gorgeous toothache), her waist being encircled by another, and each + of her arms by another, so that she was openly mentioned as "the + kettle-drum." The noble boy in the ancestral boots was inconsistent, + representing himself, as it were in one breath, as an able seaman, a + strolling actor, a grave-digger, a clergyman, and a person of the utmost + importance at a Court fencing-match, on the authority of whose practised + eye and nice discrimination the finest strokes were judged. This gradually + led to a want of toleration for him, and even—on his being detected + in holy orders, and declining to perform the funeral service—to the + general indignation taking the form of nuts. Lastly, Ophelia was a prey to + such slow musical madness, that when, in course of time, she had taken off + her white muslin scarf, folded it up, and buried it, a sulky man who had + been long cooling his impatient nose against an iron bar in the front row + of the gallery, growled, "Now the baby's put to bed let's have supper!" + Which, to say the least of it, was out of keeping. + </p> + <p> + Upon my unfortunate townsman all these incidents accumulated with playful + effect. Whenever that undecided Prince had to ask a question or state a + doubt, the public helped him out with it. As for example; on the question + whether 'twas nobler in the mind to suffer, some roared yes, and some no, + and some inclining to both opinions said "Toss up for it;" and quite a + Debating Society arose. When he asked what should such fellows as he do + crawling between earth and heaven, he was encouraged with loud cries of + "Hear, hear!" When he appeared with his stocking disordered (its disorder + expressed, according to usage, by one very neat fold in the top, which I + suppose to be always got up with a flat iron), a conversation took place + in the gallery respecting the paleness of his leg, and whether it was + occasioned by the turn the ghost had given him. On his taking the + recorders,—very like a little black flute that had just been played + in the orchestra and handed out at the door,—he was called upon + unanimously for Rule Britannia. When he recommended the player not to saw + the air thus, the sulky man said, "And don't <i>you</i> do it, neither; you're a + deal worse than <i>him</i>!" And I grieve to add that peals of laughter greeted + Mr. Wopsle on every one of these occasions. + </p> + <p> + But his greatest trials were in the churchyard, which had the appearance + of a primeval forest, with a kind of small ecclesiastical wash-house on + one side, and a turnpike gate on the other. Mr. Wopsle in a comprehensive + black cloak, being descried entering at the turnpike, the gravedigger was + admonished in a friendly way, "Look out! Here's the undertaker a coming, + to see how you're a getting on with your work!" I believe it is well known + in a constitutional country that Mr. Wopsle could not possibly have + returned the skull, after moralizing over it, without dusting his fingers + on a white napkin taken from his breast; but even that innocent and + indispensable action did not pass without the comment, "Wai-ter!" The + arrival of the body for interment (in an empty black box with the lid + tumbling open), was the signal for a general joy, which was much enhanced + by the discovery, among the bearers, of an individual obnoxious to + identification. The joy attended Mr. Wopsle through his struggle with + Laertes on the brink of the orchestra and the grave, and slackened no more + until he had tumbled the king off the kitchen-table, and had died by + inches from the ankles upward. + </p> + <p> + We had made some pale efforts in the beginning to applaud Mr. Wopsle; but + they were too hopeless to be persisted in. Therefore we had sat, feeling + keenly for him, but laughing, nevertheless, from ear to ear. I laughed in + spite of myself all the time, the whole thing was so droll; and yet I had + a latent impression that there was something decidedly fine in Mr. + Wopsle's elocution,—not for old associations' sake, I am afraid, but + because it was very slow, very dreary, very up-hill and down-hill, and + very unlike any way in which any man in any natural circumstances of life + or death ever expressed himself about anything. When the tragedy was over, + and he had been called for and hooted, I said to Herbert, "Let us go at + once, or perhaps we shall meet him." + </p> + <p> + We made all the haste we could down stairs, but we were not quick enough + either. Standing at the door was a Jewish man with an unnatural heavy + smear of eyebrow, who caught my eyes as we advanced, and said, when we + came up with him,— + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Pip and friend?" + </p> + <p> + Identity of Mr. Pip and friend confessed. + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Waldengarver," said the man, "would be glad to have the honor." + </p> + <p> + "Waldengarver?" I repeated—when Herbert murmured in my ear, + "Probably Wopsle." + </p> + <p> + "Oh!" said I. "Yes. Shall we follow you?" + </p> + <p> + "A few steps, please." When we were in a side alley, he turned and asked, + "How did you think he looked?—I dressed him." + </p> + <p> + I don't know what he had looked like, except a funeral; with the addition + of a large Danish sun or star hanging round his neck by a blue ribbon, + that had given him the appearance of being insured in some extraordinary + Fire Office. But I said he had looked very nice. + </p> + <p> + "When he come to the grave," said our conductor, "he showed his cloak + beautiful. But, judging from the wing, it looked to me that when he see + the ghost in the queen's apartment, he might have made more of his + stockings." + </p> + <p> + I modestly assented, and we all fell through a little dirty swing door, + into a sort of hot packing-case immediately behind it. Here Mr. Wopsle was + divesting himself of his Danish garments, and here there was just room for + us to look at him over one another's shoulders, by keeping the + packing-case door, or lid, wide open. + </p> + <p> + "Gentlemen," said Mr. Wopsle, "I am proud to see you. I hope, Mr. Pip, you + will excuse my sending round. I had the happiness to know you in former + times, and the Drama has ever had a claim which has ever been + acknowledged, on the noble and the affluent." + </p> + <p> + Meanwhile, Mr. Waldengarver, in a frightful perspiration, was trying to + get himself out of his princely sables. + </p> + <p> + "Skin the stockings off Mr. Waldengarver," said the owner of that + property, "or you'll bust 'em. Bust 'em, and you'll bust five-and-thirty + shillings. Shakspeare never was complimented with a finer pair. Keep quiet + in your chair now, and leave 'em to me." + </p> + <p> + With that, he went upon his knees, and began to flay his victim; who, on + the first stocking coming off, would certainly have fallen over backward + with his chair, but for there being no room to fall anyhow. + </p> + <p> + I had been afraid until then to say a word about the play. But then, Mr. + Waldengarver looked up at us complacently, and said,— + </p> + <p> + "Gentlemen, how did it seem to you, to go, in front?" + </p> + <p> + Herbert said from behind (at the same time poking me), "Capitally." So I + said "Capitally." + </p> + <p> + "How did you like my reading of the character, gentlemen?" said Mr. + Waldengarver, almost, if not quite, with patronage. + </p> + <p> + Herbert said from behind (again poking me), "Massive and concrete." So I + said boldly, as if I had originated it, and must beg to insist upon it, + "Massive and concrete." + </p> + <p> + "I am glad to have your approbation, gentlemen," said Mr. Waldengarver, + with an air of dignity, in spite of his being ground against the wall at + the time, and holding on by the seat of the chair. + </p> + <p> + "But I'll tell you one thing, Mr. Waldengarver," said the man who was on + his knees, "in which you're out in your reading. Now mind! I don't care + who says contrairy; I tell you so. You're out in your reading of Hamlet + when you get your legs in profile. The last Hamlet as I dressed, made the + same mistakes in his reading at rehearsal, till I got him to put a large + red wafer on each of his shins, and then at that rehearsal (which was the + last) I went in front, sir, to the back of the pit, and whenever his + reading brought him into profile, I called out "I don't see no wafers!" + And at night his reading was lovely." + </p> + <p> + Mr. Waldengarver smiled at me, as much as to say "a faithful Dependent—I + overlook his folly;" and then said aloud, "My view is a little classic and + thoughtful for them here; but they will improve, they will improve." + </p> + <p> + Herbert and I said together, O, no doubt they would improve. + </p> + <p> + "Did you observe, gentlemen," said Mr. Waldengarver, "that there was a man + in the gallery who endeavored to cast derision on the service,—I + mean, the representation?" + </p> + <p> + We basely replied that we rather thought we had noticed such a man. I + added, "He was drunk, no doubt." + </p> + <p> + "O dear no, sir," said Mr. Wopsle, "not drunk. His employer would see to + that, sir. His employer would not allow him to be drunk." + </p> + <p> + "You know his employer?" said I. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Wopsle shut his eyes, and opened them again; performing both + ceremonies very slowly. "You must have observed, gentlemen," said he, "an + ignorant and a blatant ass, with a rasping throat and a countenance + expressive of low malignity, who went through—I will not say + sustained—the rôle (if I may use a French expression) of Claudius, + King of Denmark. That is his employer, gentlemen. Such is the profession!" + </p> + <p> + Without distinctly knowing whether I should have been more sorry for Mr. + Wopsle if he had been in despair, I was so sorry for him as it was, that I + took the opportunity of his turning round to have his braces put on,—which + jostled us out at the doorway,—to ask Herbert what he thought of + having him home to supper? Herbert said he thought it would be kind to do + so; therefore I invited him, and he went to Barnard's with us, wrapped up + to the eyes, and we did our best for him, and he sat until two o'clock in + the morning, reviewing his success and developing his plans. I forget in + detail what they were, but I have a general recollection that he was to + begin with reviving the Drama, and to end with crushing it; inasmuch as + his decease would leave it utterly bereft and without a chance or hope. + </p> + <p> + Miserably I went to bed after all, and miserably thought of Estella, and + miserably dreamed that my expectations were all cancelled, and that I had + to give my hand in marriage to Herbert's Clara, or play Hamlet to Miss + Havisham's Ghost, before twenty thousand people, without knowing twenty + words of it. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0032" id="link2HCH0032"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XXXII + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">O</span>ne day when I was busy with my books and Mr. Pocket, I received a note by + the post, the mere outside of which threw me into a great flutter; for, + though I had never seen the handwriting in which it was addressed, I + divined whose hand it was. It had no set beginning, as Dear Mr. Pip, or + Dear Pip, or Dear Sir, or Dear Anything, but ran thus:— + </p> + <p> + "I am to come to London the day after to-morrow by the midday coach. I + believe it was settled you should meet me? At all events Miss Havisham has + that impression, and I write in obedience to it. She sends you her regard. + </p> + <p> + "Yours, ESTELLA." + </p> + <p> + If there had been time, I should probably have ordered several suits of + clothes for this occasion; but as there was not, I was fain to be content + with those I had. My appetite vanished instantly, and I knew no peace or + rest until the day arrived. Not that its arrival brought me either; for, + then I was worse than ever, and began haunting the coach-office in Wood + Street, Cheapside, before the coach had left the Blue Boar in our town. + For all that I knew this perfectly well, I still felt as if it were not + safe to let the coach-office be out of my sight longer than five minutes + at a time; and in this condition of unreason I had performed the first + half-hour of a watch of four or five hours, when Wemmick ran against me. + </p> + <p> + "Halloa, Mr. Pip," said he; "how do you do? I should hardly have thought + this was <i>your</i> beat." + </p> + <p> + I explained that I was waiting to meet somebody who was coming up by + coach, and I inquired after the Castle and the Aged. + </p> + <p> + "Both flourishing thankye," said Wemmick, "and particularly the Aged. He's + in wonderful feather. He'll be eighty-two next birthday. I have a notion + of firing eighty-two times, if the neighborhood shouldn't complain, and + that cannon of mine should prove equal to the pressure. However, this is + not London talk. Where do you think I am going to?" + </p> + <p> + "To the office?" said I, for he was tending in that direction. + </p> + <p> + "Next thing to it," returned Wemmick, "I am going to Newgate. We are in a + banker's-parcel case just at present, and I have been down the road taking + a squint at the scene of action, and thereupon must have a word or two + with our client." + </p> + <p> + "Did your client commit the robbery?" I asked. + </p> + <p> + "Bless your soul and body, no," answered Wemmick, very drily. "But he is + accused of it. So might you or I be. Either of us might be accused of it, + you know." + </p> + <p> + "Only neither of us is," I remarked. + </p> + <p> + "Yah!" said Wemmick, touching me on the breast with his forefinger; + "you're a deep one, Mr. Pip! Would you like to have a look at Newgate? + Have you time to spare?" + </p> + <p> + I had so much time to spare, that the proposal came as a relief, + notwithstanding its irreconcilability with my latent desire to keep my eye + on the coach-office. Muttering that I would make the inquiry whether I had + time to walk with him, I went into the office, and ascertained from the + clerk with the nicest precision and much to the trying of his temper, the + earliest moment at which the coach could be expected,—which I knew + beforehand, quite as well as he. I then rejoined Mr. Wemmick, and + affecting to consult my watch, and to be surprised by the information I + had received, accepted his offer. + </p> + <p> + We were at Newgate in a few minutes, and we passed through the lodge where + some fetters were hanging up on the bare walls among the prison rules, + into the interior of the jail. At that time jails were much neglected, and + the period of exaggerated reaction consequent on all public wrongdoing—and + which is always its heaviest and longest punishment—was still far + off. So felons were not lodged and fed better than soldiers, (to say + nothing of paupers,) and seldom set fire to their prisons with the + excusable object of improving the flavor of their soup. It was visiting + time when Wemmick took me in, and a potman was going his rounds with beer; + and the prisoners, behind bars in yards, were buying beer, and talking to + friends; and a frowzy, ugly, disorderly, depressing scene it was. + </p> + <p> + It struck me that Wemmick walked among the prisoners much as a gardener + might walk among his plants. This was first put into my head by his seeing + a shoot that had come up in the night, and saying, "What, Captain Tom? Are + <i>you</i> there? Ah, indeed!" and also, "Is that Black Bill behind the cistern? + Why I didn't look for you these two months; how do you find yourself?" + Equally in his stopping at the bars and attending to anxious whisperers,—always + singly,—Wemmick with his post-office in an immovable state, looked + at them while in conference, as if he were taking particular notice of the + advance they had made, since last observed, towards coming out in full + blow at their trial. + </p> + <p> + He was highly popular, and I found that he took the familiar department of + Mr. Jaggers's business; though something of the state of Mr. Jaggers hung + about him too, forbidding approach beyond certain limits. His personal + recognition of each successive client was comprised in a nod, and in his + settling his hat a little easier on his head with both hands, and then + tightening the post-office, and putting his hands in his pockets. In one + or two instances there was a difficulty respecting the raising of fees, + and then Mr. Wemmick, backing as far as possible from the insufficient + money produced, said, "it's no use, my boy. I'm only a subordinate. I + can't take it. Don't go on in that way with a subordinate. If you are + unable to make up your quantum, my boy, you had better address yourself to + a principal; there are plenty of principals in the profession, you know, + and what is not worth the while of one, may be worth the while of another; + that's my recommendation to you, speaking as a subordinate. Don't try on + useless measures. Why should you? Now, who's next?" + </p> + <p> + Thus, we walked through Wemmick's greenhouse, until he turned to me and + said, "Notice the man I shall shake hands with." I should have done so, + without the preparation, as he had shaken hands with no one yet. + </p> + <p> + Almost as soon as he had spoken, a portly upright man (whom I can see now, + as I write) in a well-worn olive-colored frock-coat, with a peculiar + pallor overspreading the red in his complexion, and eyes that went + wandering about when he tried to fix them, came up to a corner of the + bars, and put his hand to his hat—which had a greasy and fatty + surface like cold broth—with a half-serious and half-jocose military + salute. + </p> + <p> + "Colonel, to you!" said Wemmick; "how are you, Colonel?" + </p> + <p> + "All right, Mr. Wemmick." + </p> + <p> + "Everything was done that could be done, but the evidence was too strong + for us, Colonel." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, it was too strong, sir,—but <i>I</i> don't care." + </p> + <p> + "No, no," said Wemmick, coolly, "<i>you</i> don't care." Then, turning to me, + "Served His Majesty this man. Was a soldier in the line and bought his + discharge." + </p> + <p> + I said, "Indeed?" and the man's eyes looked at me, and then looked over my + head, and then looked all round me, and then he drew his hand across his + lips and laughed. + </p> + <p> + "I think I shall be out of this on Monday, sir," he said to Wemmick. + </p> + <p> + "Perhaps," returned my friend, "but there's no knowing." + </p> + <p> + "I am glad to have the chance of bidding you good by, Mr. Wemmick," said + the man, stretching out his hand between two bars. + </p> + <p> + "Thankye," said Wemmick, shaking hands with him. "Same to you, Colonel." + </p> + <p> + "If what I had upon me when taken had been real, Mr. Wemmick," said the + man, unwilling to let his hand go, "I should have asked the favor of your + wearing another ring—in acknowledgment of your attentions." + </p> + <p> + "I'll accept the will for the deed," said Wemmick. "By the by; you were + quite a pigeon-fancier." The man looked up at the sky. "I am told you had + a remarkable breed of tumblers. <i>Could</i> you commission any friend of yours + to bring me a pair, of you've no further use for 'em?" + </p> + <p> + "It shall be done, sir?" + </p> + <p> + "All right," said Wemmick, "they shall be taken care of. Good afternoon, + Colonel. Good by!" They shook hands again, and as we walked away Wemmick + said to me, "A Coiner, a very good workman. The Recorder's report is made + to-day, and he is sure to be executed on Monday. Still you see, as far as + it goes, a pair of pigeons are portable property all the same." With that, + he looked back, and nodded at this dead plant, and then cast his eyes + about him in walking out of the yard, as if he were considering what other + pot would go best in its place. + </p> + <p> + As we came out of the prison through the lodge, I found that the great + importance of my guardian was appreciated by the turnkeys, no less than by + those whom they held in charge. "Well, Mr. Wemmick," said the turnkey, who + kept us between the two studded and spiked lodge gates, and who carefully + locked one before he unlocked the other, "what's Mr. Jaggers going to do + with that water-side murder? Is he going to make it manslaughter, or + what's he going to make of it?" + </p> + <p> + "Why don't you ask him?" returned Wemmick. + </p> + <p> + "O yes, I dare say!" said the turnkey. + </p> + <p> + "Now, that's the way with them here, Mr. Pip," remarked Wemmick, turning + to me with his post-office elongated. "They don't mind what they ask of + me, the subordinate; but you'll never catch 'em asking any questions of my + principal." + </p> + <p> + "Is this young gentleman one of the 'prentices or articled ones of your + office?" asked the turnkey, with a grin at Mr. Wemmick's humor. + </p> + <p> + "There he goes again, you see!" cried Wemmick, "I told you so! Asks + another question of the subordinate before his first is dry! Well, + supposing Mr. Pip is one of them?" + </p> + <p> + "Why then," said the turnkey, grinning again, "he knows what Mr. Jaggers + is." + </p> + <p> + "Yah!" cried Wemmick, suddenly hitting out at the turnkey in a facetious + way, "you're dumb as one of your own keys when you have to do with my + principal, you know you are. Let us out, you old fox, or I'll get him to + bring an action against you for false imprisonment." + </p> + <p> + The turnkey laughed, and gave us good day, and stood laughing at us over + the spikes of the wicket when we descended the steps into the street. + </p> + <p> + "Mind you, Mr. Pip," said Wemmick, gravely in my ear, as he took my arm to + be more confidential; "I don't know that Mr. Jaggers does a better thing + than the way in which he keeps himself so high. He's always so high. His + constant height is of a piece with his immense abilities. That Colonel + durst no more take leave of <i>him</i>, than that turnkey durst ask him his + intentions respecting a case. Then, between his height and them, he slips + in his subordinate,—don't you see?—and so he has 'em, soul and + body." + </p> + <p> + I was very much impressed, and not for the first time, by my guardian's + subtlety. To confess the truth, I very heartily wished, and not for the + first time, that I had had some other guardian of minor abilities. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Wemmick and I parted at the office in Little Britain, where suppliants + for Mr. Jaggers's notice were lingering about as usual, and I returned to + my watch in the street of the coach-office, with some three hours on hand. + I consumed the whole time in thinking how strange it was that I should be + encompassed by all this taint of prison and crime; that, in my childhood + out on our lonely marshes on a winter evening, I should have first + encountered it; that, it should have reappeared on two occasions, starting + out like a stain that was faded but not gone; that, it should in this new + way pervade my fortune and advancement. While my mind was thus engaged, I + thought of the beautiful young Estella, proud and refined, coming towards + me, and I thought with absolute abhorrence of the contrast between the + jail and her. I wished that Wemmick had not met me, or that I had not + yielded to him and gone with him, so that, of all days in the year on this + day, I might not have had Newgate in my breath and on my clothes. I beat + the prison dust off my feet as I sauntered to and fro, and I shook it out + of my dress, and I exhaled its air from my lungs. So contaminated did I + feel, remembering who was coming, that the coach came quickly after all, + and I was not yet free from the soiling consciousness of Mr. Wemmick's + conservatory, when I saw her face at the coach window and her hand waving + to me. + </p> + <p> + What <i>was</i> the nameless shadow which again in that one instant had passed? + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0033" id="link2HCH0033"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XXXIII + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span>n her furred travelling-dress, Estella seemed more delicately beautiful + than she had ever seemed yet, even in my eyes. Her manner was more winning + than she had cared to let it be to me before, and I thought I saw Miss + Havisham's influence in the change. + </p> + <p> + We stood in the Inn Yard while she pointed out her luggage to me, and when + it was all collected I remembered—having forgotten everything but + herself in the meanwhile—that I knew nothing of her destination. + </p> + <p> + "I am going to Richmond," she told me. "Our lesson is, that there are two + Richmonds, one in Surrey and one in Yorkshire, and that mine is the Surrey + Richmond. The distance is ten miles. I am to have a carriage, and you are + to take me. This is my purse, and you are to pay my charges out of it. O, + you must take the purse! We have no choice, you and I, but to obey our + instructions. We are not free to follow our own devices, you and I." + </p> + <p> + As she looked at me in giving me the purse, I hoped there was an inner + meaning in her words. She said them slightingly, but not with displeasure. + </p> + <p> + "A carriage will have to be sent for, Estella. Will you rest here a + little?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, I am to rest here a little, and I am to drink some tea, and you are + to take care of me the while." + </p> + <p> + She drew her arm through mine, as if it must be done, and I requested a + waiter who had been staring at the coach like a man who had never seen + such a thing in his life, to show us a private sitting-room. Upon that, he + pulled out a napkin, as if it were a magic clew without which he couldn't + find the way up stairs, and led us to the black hole of the establishment, + fitted up with a diminishing mirror (quite a superfluous article, + considering the hole's proportions), an anchovy sauce-cruet, and + somebody's pattens. On my objecting to this retreat, he took us into + another room with a dinner-table for thirty, and in the grate a scorched + leaf of a copy-book under a bushel of coal-dust. Having looked at this + extinct conflagration and shaken his head, he took my order; which, + proving to be merely, "Some tea for the lady," sent him out of the room in + a very low state of mind. + </p> + <p> + I was, and I am, sensible that the air of this chamber, in its strong + combination of stable with soup-stock, might have led one to infer that + the coaching department was not doing well, and that the enterprising + proprietor was boiling down the horses for the refreshment department. Yet + the room was all in all to me, Estella being in it. I thought that with + her I could have been happy there for life. (I was not at all happy there + at the time, observe, and I knew it well.) + </p> + <p> + "Where are you going to, at Richmond?" I asked Estella. + </p> + <p> + "I am going to live," said she, "at a great expense, with a lady there, + who has the power—or says she has—of taking me about, and + introducing me, and showing people to me and showing me to people." + </p> + <p> + "I suppose you will be glad of variety and admiration?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, I suppose so." + </p> + <p> + She answered so carelessly, that I said, "You speak of yourself as if you + were some one else." + </p> + <p> + "Where did you learn how I speak of others? Come, come," said Estella, + smiling delightfully, "you must not expect me to go to school to <i>you</i>; I + must talk in my own way. How do you thrive with Mr. Pocket?" + </p> + <p> + "I live quite pleasantly there; at least—" It appeared to me that I + was losing a chance. + </p> + <p> + "At least?" repeated Estella. + </p> + <p> + "As pleasantly as I could anywhere, away from you." + </p> + <p> + "You silly boy," said Estella, quite composedly, "how can you talk such + nonsense? Your friend Mr. Matthew, I believe, is superior to the rest of + his family?" + </p> + <p> + "Very superior indeed. He is nobody's enemy—" —"Don't add but + his own," interposed Estella, "for I hate that class of man. But he really + is disinterested, and above small jealousy and spite, I have heard?" + </p> + <p> + "I am sure I have every reason to say so." + </p> + <p> + "You have not every reason to say so of the rest of his people," said + Estella, nodding at me with an expression of face that was at once grave + and rallying, "for they beset Miss Havisham with reports and insinuations + to your disadvantage. They watch you, misrepresent you, write letters + about you (anonymous sometimes), and you are the torment and the + occupation of their lives. You can scarcely realize to yourself the hatred + those people feel for you." + </p> + <p> + "They do me no harm, I hope?" + </p> + <p> + Instead of answering, Estella burst out laughing. This was very singular + to me, and I looked at her in considerable perplexity. When she left off—and + she had not laughed languidly, but with real enjoyment—I said, in my + diffident way with her,— + </p> + <p> + "I hope I may suppose that you would not be amused if they did me any + harm." + </p> + <p> + "No, no you may be sure of that," said Estella. "You may be certain that I + laugh because they fail. O, those people with Miss Havisham, and the + tortures they undergo!" She laughed again, and even now when she had told + me why, her laughter was very singular to me, for I could not doubt its + being genuine, and yet it seemed too much for the occasion. I thought + there must really be something more here than I knew; she saw the thought + in my mind, and answered it. + </p> + <p> + "It is not easy for even you." said Estella, "to know what satisfaction it + gives me to see those people thwarted, or what an enjoyable sense of the + ridiculous I have when they are made ridiculous. For you were not brought + up in that strange house from a mere baby. I was. You had not your little + wits sharpened by their intriguing against you, suppressed and + defenceless, under the mask of sympathy and pity and what not that is soft + and soothing. I had. You did not gradually open your round childish eyes + wider and wider to the discovery of that impostor of a woman who + calculates her stores of peace of mind for when she wakes up in the night. + I did." + </p> + <p> + It was no laughing matter with Estella now, nor was she summoning these + remembrances from any shallow place. I would not have been the cause of + that look of hers for all my expectations in a heap. + </p> + <p> + "Two things I can tell you," said Estella. "First, notwithstanding the + proverb that constant dropping will wear away a stone, you may set your + mind at rest that these people never will—never would, in hundred + years—impair your ground with Miss Havisham, in any particular, + great or small. Second, I am beholden to you as the cause of their being + so busy and so mean in vain, and there is my hand upon it." + </p> + <p> + As she gave it to me playfully,—for her darker mood had been but + Momentary,—I held it and put it to my lips. "You ridiculous boy," + said Estella, "will you never take warning? Or do you kiss my hand in the + same spirit in which I once let you kiss my cheek?" + </p> + <p> + "What spirit was that?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "I must think a moment. A spirit of contempt for the fawners and + plotters." + </p> + <p> + "If I say yes, may I kiss the cheek again?" + </p> + <p> + "You should have asked before you touched the hand. But, yes, if you + like." + </p> + <p> + I leaned down, and her calm face was like a statue's. "Now," said Estella, + gliding away the instant I touched her cheek, "you are to take care that I + have some tea, and you are to take me to Richmond." + </p> + <p> + Her reverting to this tone as if our association were forced upon us, and + we were mere puppets, gave me pain; but everything in our intercourse did + give me pain. Whatever her tone with me happened to be, I could put no + trust in it, and build no hope on it; and yet I went on against trust and + against hope. Why repeat it a thousand times? So it always was. + </p> + <p> + I rang for the tea, and the waiter, reappearing with his magic clew, + brought in by degrees some fifty adjuncts to that refreshment, but of tea + not a glimpse. A teaboard, cups and saucers, plates, knives and forks + (including carvers), spoons (various), saltcellars, a meek little muffin + confined with the utmost precaution under a strong iron cover, Moses in + the bulrushes typified by a soft bit of butter in a quantity of parsley, a + pale loaf with a powdered head, two proof impressions of the bars of the + kitchen fireplace on triangular bits of bread, and ultimately a fat family + urn; which the waiter staggered in with, expressing in his countenance + burden and suffering. After a prolonged absence at this stage of the + entertainment, he at length came back with a casket of precious appearance + containing twigs. These I steeped in hot water, and so from the whole of + these appliances extracted one cup of I don't know what for Estella. + </p> + <p> + The bill paid, and the waiter remembered, and the ostler not forgotten, + and the chambermaid taken into consideration,—in a word, the whole + house bribed into a state of contempt and animosity, and Estella's purse + much lightened,—we got into our post-coach and drove away. Turning + into Cheapside and rattling up Newgate Street, we were soon under the + walls of which I was so ashamed. + </p> + <p> + "What place is that?" Estella asked me. + </p> + <p> + I made a foolish pretence of not at first recognizing it, and then told + her. As she looked at it, and drew in her head again, murmuring, + "Wretches!" I would not have confessed to my visit for any consideration. + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Jaggers," said I, by way of putting it neatly on somebody else, "has + the reputation of being more in the secrets of that dismal place than any + man in London." + </p> + <p> + "He is more in the secrets of every place, I think," said Estella, in a + low voice. + </p> + <p> + "You have been accustomed to see him often, I suppose?" + </p> + <p> + "I have been accustomed to see him at uncertain intervals, ever since I + can remember. But I know him no better now, than I did before I could + speak plainly. What is your own experience of him? Do you advance with + him?" + </p> + <p> + "Once habituated to his distrustful manner," said I, "I have done very + well." + </p> + <p> + "Are you intimate?" + </p> + <p> + "I have dined with him at his private house." + </p> + <p> + "I fancy," said Estella, shrinking "that must be a curious place." + </p> + <p> + "It is a curious place." + </p> + <p> + I should have been chary of discussing my guardian too freely even with + her; but I should have gone on with the subject so far as to describe the + dinner in Gerrard Street, if we had not then come into a sudden glare of + gas. It seemed, while it lasted, to be all alight and alive with that + inexplicable feeling I had had before; and when we were out of it, I was + as much dazed for a few moments as if I had been in lightning. + </p> + <p> + So we fell into other talk, and it was principally about the way by which + we were travelling, and about what parts of London lay on this side of it, + and what on that. The great city was almost new to her, she told me, for + she had never left Miss Havisham's neighborhood until she had gone to + France, and she had merely passed through London then in going and + returning. I asked her if my guardian had any charge of her while she + remained here? To that she emphatically said "God forbid!" and no more. + </p> + <p> + It was impossible for me to avoid seeing that she cared to attract me; + that she made herself winning, and would have won me even if the task had + needed pains. Yet this made me none the happier, for even if she had not + taken that tone of our being disposed of by others, I should have felt + that she held my heart in her hand because she wilfully chose to do it, + and not because it would have wrung any tenderness in her to crush it and + throw it away. + </p> + <p> + When we passed through Hammersmith, I showed her where Mr. Matthew Pocket + lived, and said it was no great way from Richmond, and that I hoped I + should see her sometimes. + </p> + <p> + "O yes, you are to see me; you are to come when you think proper; you are + to be mentioned to the family; indeed you are already mentioned." + </p> + <p> + I inquired was it a large household she was going to be a member of? + </p> + <p> + "No; there are only two; mother and daughter. The mother is a lady of some + station, though not averse to increasing her income." + </p> + <p> + "I wonder Miss Havisham could part with you again so soon." + </p> + <p> + "It is a part of Miss Havisham's plans for me, Pip," said Estella, with a + sigh, as if she were tired; "I am to write to her constantly and see her + regularly and report how I go on,—I and the jewels,—for they + are nearly all mine now." + </p> + <p> + It was the first time she had ever called me by my name. Of course she did + so purposely, and knew that I should treasure it up. + </p> + <p> + We came to Richmond all too soon, and our destination there was a house by + the green,—a staid old house, where hoops and powder and patches, + embroidered coats, rolled stockings, ruffles and swords, had had their + court days many a time. Some ancient trees before the house were still cut + into fashions as formal and unnatural as the hoops and wigs and stiff + skirts; but their own allotted places in the great procession of the dead + were not far off, and they would soon drop into them and go the silent way + of the rest. + </p> + <p> + A bell with an old voice—which I dare say in its time had often said + to the house, Here is the green farthingale, Here is the diamond-hilted + sword, Here are the shoes with red heels and the blue solitaire—sounded + gravely in the moonlight, and two cherry-colored maids came fluttering out + to receive Estella. The doorway soon absorbed her boxes, and she gave me + her hand and a smile, and said good night, and was absorbed likewise. And + still I stood looking at the house, thinking how happy I should be if I + lived there with her, and knowing that I never was happy with her, but + always miserable. + </p> + <p> + I got into the carriage to be taken back to Hammersmith, and I got in with + a bad heart-ache, and I got out with a worse heart-ache. At our own door, + I found little Jane Pocket coming home from a little party escorted by her + little lover; and I envied her little lover, in spite of his being subject + to Flopson. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Pocket was out lecturing; for, he was a most delightful lecturer on + domestic economy, and his treatises on the management of children and + servants were considered the very best text-books on those themes. But + Mrs. Pocket was at home, and was in a little difficulty, on account of the + baby's having been accommodated with a needle-case to keep him quiet + during the unaccountable absence (with a relative in the Foot Guards) of + Millers. And more needles were missing than it could be regarded as quite + wholesome for a patient of such tender years either to apply externally or + to take as a tonic. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Pocket being justly celebrated for giving most excellent practical + advice, and for having a clear and sound perception of things and a highly + judicious mind, I had some notion in my heart-ache of begging him to + accept my confidence. But happening to look up at Mrs. Pocket as she sat + reading her book of dignities after prescribing Bed as a sovereign remedy + for baby, I thought—Well—No, I wouldn't. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0034" id="link2HCH0034"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XXXIV + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">A</span>s I had grown accustomed to my expectations, I had insensibly begun to + notice their effect upon myself and those around me. Their influence on my + own character I disguised from my recognition as much as possible, but I + knew very well that it was not all good. I lived in a state of chronic + uneasiness respecting my behavior to Joe. My conscience was not by any + means comfortable about Biddy. When I woke up in the night,—like + Camilla,—I used to think, with a weariness on my spirits, that I + should have been happier and better if I had never seen Miss Havisham's + face, and had risen to manhood content to be partners with Joe in the + honest old forge. Many a time of an evening, when I sat alone looking at + the fire, I thought, after all there was no fire like the forge fire and + the kitchen fire at home. + </p> + <p> + Yet Estella was so inseparable from all my restlessness and disquiet of + mind, that I really fell into confusion as to the limits of my own part in + its production. That is to say, supposing I had had no expectations, and + yet had had Estella to think of, I could not make out to my satisfaction + that I should have done much better. Now, concerning the influence of my + position on others, I was in no such difficulty, and so I perceived—though + dimly enough perhaps—that it was not beneficial to anybody, and, + above all, that it was not beneficial to Herbert. My lavish habits led his + easy nature into expenses that he could not afford, corrupted the + simplicity of his life, and disturbed his peace with anxieties and + regrets. I was not at all remorseful for having unwittingly set those + other branches of the Pocket family to the poor arts they practised; + because such littlenesses were their natural bent, and would have been + evoked by anybody else, if I had left them slumbering. But Herbert's was a + very different case, and it often caused me a twinge to think that I had + done him evil service in crowding his sparely furnished chambers with + incongruous upholstery work, and placing the Canary-breasted Avenger at + his disposal. + </p> + <p> + So now, as an infallible way of making little ease great ease, I began to + contract a quantity of debt. I could hardly begin but Herbert must begin + too, so he soon followed. At Startop's suggestion, we put ourselves down + for election into a club called The Finches of the Grove: the object of + which institution I have never divined, if it were not that the members + should dine expensively once a fortnight, to quarrel among themselves as + much as possible after dinner, and to cause six waiters to get drunk on + the stairs. I know that these gratifying social ends were so invariably + accomplished, that Herbert and I understood nothing else to be referred to + in the first standing toast of the society: which ran "Gentlemen, may the + present promotion of good feeling ever reign predominant among the Finches + of the Grove." + </p> + <p> + The Finches spent their money foolishly (the Hotel we dined at was in + Covent Garden), and the first Finch I saw when I had the honor of joining + the Grove was Bentley Drummle, at that time floundering about town in a + cab of his own, and doing a great deal of damage to the posts at the + street corners. Occasionally, he shot himself out of his equipage + headforemost over the apron; and I saw him on one occasion deliver himself + at the door of the Grove in this unintentional way—like coals. But + here I anticipate a little, for I was not a Finch, and could not be, + according to the sacred laws of the society, until I came of age. + </p> + <p> + In my confidence in my own resources, I would willingly have taken + Herbert's expenses on myself; but Herbert was proud, and I could make no + such proposal to him. So he got into difficulties in every direction, and + continued to look about him. When we gradually fell into keeping late + hours and late company, I noticed that he looked about him with a + desponding eye at breakfast-time; that he began to look about him more + hopefully about mid-day; that he drooped when he came into dinner; that he + seemed to descry Capital in the distance, rather clearly, after dinner; + that he all but realized Capital towards midnight; and that at about two + o'clock in the morning, he became so deeply despondent again as to talk of + buying a rifle and going to America, with a general purpose of compelling + buffaloes to make his fortune. + </p> + <p> + I was usually at Hammersmith about half the week, and when I was at + Hammersmith I haunted Richmond, whereof separately by and by. Herbert + would often come to Hammersmith when I was there, and I think at those + seasons his father would occasionally have some passing perception that + the opening he was looking for, had not appeared yet. But in the general + tumbling up of the family, his tumbling out in life somewhere, was a thing + to transact itself somehow. In the meantime Mr. Pocket grew grayer, and + tried oftener to lift himself out of his perplexities by the hair. While + Mrs. Pocket tripped up the family with her footstool, read her book of + dignities, lost her pocket-handkerchief, told us about her grandpapa, and + taught the young idea how to shoot, by shooting it into bed whenever it + attracted her notice. + </p> + <p> + As I am now generalizing a period of my life with the object of clearing + my way before me, I can scarcely do so better than by at once completing + the description of our usual manners and customs at Barnard's Inn. + </p> + <p> + We spent as much money as we could, and got as little for it as people + could make up their minds to give us. We were always more or less + miserable, and most of our acquaintance were in the same condition. There + was a gay fiction among us that we were constantly enjoying ourselves, and + a skeleton truth that we never did. To the best of my belief, our case was + in the last aspect a rather common one. + </p> + <p> + Every morning, with an air ever new, Herbert went into the City to look + about him. I often paid him a visit in the dark back-room in which he + consorted with an ink-jar, a hat-peg, a coal-box, a string-box, an + almanac, a desk and stool, and a ruler; and I do not remember that I ever + saw him do anything else but look about him. If we all did what we + undertake to do, as faithfully as Herbert did, we might live in a Republic + of the Virtues. He had nothing else to do, poor fellow, except at a + certain hour of every afternoon to "go to Lloyd's"—in observance of + a ceremony of seeing his principal, I think. He never did anything else in + connection with Lloyd's that I could find out, except come back again. + When he felt his case unusually serious, and that he positively must find + an opening, he would go on 'Change at a busy time, and walk in and out, in + a kind of gloomy country dance figure, among the assembled magnates. + "For," says Herbert to me, coming home to dinner on one of those special + occasions, "I find the truth to be, Handel, that an opening won't come to + one, but one must go to it,—so I have been." + </p> + <p> + If we had been less attached to one another, I think we must have hated + one another regularly every morning. I detested the chambers beyond + expression at that period of repentance, and could not endure the sight of + the Avenger's livery; which had a more expensive and a less remunerative + appearance then than at any other time in the four-and-twenty hours. As we + got more and more into debt, breakfast became a hollower and hollower + form, and, being on one occasion at breakfast-time threatened (by letter) + with legal proceedings, "not unwholly unconnected," as my local paper + might put it, "with jewelery," I went so far as to seize the Avenger by + his blue collar and shake him off his feet,—so that he was actually + in the air, like a booted Cupid,—for presuming to suppose that we + wanted a roll. + </p> + <p> + At certain times—meaning at uncertain times, for they depended on + our humor—I would say to Herbert, as if it were a remarkable + discovery,— + </p> + <p> + "My dear Herbert, we are getting on badly." + </p> + <p> + "My dear Handel," Herbert would say to me, in all sincerity, "if you will + believe me, those very words were on my lips, by a strange coincidence." + </p> + <p> + "Then, Herbert," I would respond, "let us look into our affairs." + </p> + <p> + We always derived profound satisfaction from making an appointment for + this purpose. I always thought this was business, this was the way to + confront the thing, this was the way to take the foe by the throat. And I + know Herbert thought so too. + </p> + <p> + We ordered something rather special for dinner, with a bottle of something + similarly out of the common way, in order that our minds might be + fortified for the occasion, and we might come well up to the mark. Dinner + over, we produced a bundle of pens, a copious supply of ink, and a goodly + show of writing and blotting paper. For there was something very + comfortable in having plenty of stationery. + </p> + <p> + I would then take a sheet of paper, and write across the top of it, in a + neat hand, the heading, "Memorandum of Pip's debts"; with Barnard's Inn + and the date very carefully added. Herbert would also take a sheet of + paper, and write across it with similar formalities, "Memorandum of + Herbert's debts." + </p> + <p> + Each of us would then refer to a confused heap of papers at his side, + which had been thrown into drawers, worn into holes in pockets, half burnt + in lighting candles, stuck for weeks into the looking-glass, and otherwise + damaged. The sound of our pens going refreshed us exceedingly, insomuch + that I sometimes found it difficult to distinguish between this edifying + business proceeding and actually paying the money. In point of meritorious + character, the two things seemed about equal. + </p> + <p> + When we had written a little while, I would ask Herbert how he got on? + Herbert probably would have been scratching his head in a most rueful + manner at the sight of his accumulating figures. + </p> + <p> + "They are mounting up, Handel," Herbert would say; "upon my life, they are + mounting up." + </p> + <p> + "Be firm, Herbert," I would retort, plying my own pen with great + assiduity. "Look the thing in the face. Look into your affairs. Stare them + out of countenance." + </p> + <p> + "So I would, Handel, only they are staring <i>me</i> out of countenance." + </p> + <p> + However, my determined manner would have its effect, and Herbert would + fall to work again. After a time he would give up once more, on the plea + that he had not got Cobbs's bill, or Lobbs's, or Nobbs's, as the case + might be. + </p> + <p> + "Then, Herbert, estimate; estimate it in round numbers, and put it down." + </p> + <p> + "What a fellow of resource you are!" my friend would reply, with + admiration. "Really your business powers are very remarkable." + </p> + <p> + I thought so too. I established with myself, on these occasions, the + reputation of a first-rate man of business,—prompt, decisive, + energetic, clear, cool-headed. When I had got all my responsibilities down + upon my list, I compared each with the bill, and ticked it off. My + self-approval when I ticked an entry was quite a luxurious sensation. When + I had no more ticks to make, I folded all my bills up uniformly, docketed + each on the back, and tied the whole into a symmetrical bundle. Then I did + the same for Herbert (who modestly said he had not my administrative + genius), and felt that I had brought his affairs into a focus for him. + </p> + <p> + My business habits had one other bright feature, which I called "leaving a + Margin." For example; supposing Herbert's debts to be one hundred and + sixty-four pounds four-and-twopence, I would say, "Leave a margin, and put + them down at two hundred." Or, supposing my own to be four times as much, + I would leave a margin, and put them down at seven hundred. I had the + highest opinion of the wisdom of this same Margin, but I am bound to + acknowledge that on looking back, I deem it to have been an expensive + device. For, we always ran into new debt immediately, to the full extent + of the margin, and sometimes, in the sense of freedom and solvency it + imparted, got pretty far on into another margin. + </p> + <p> + But there was a calm, a rest, a virtuous hush, consequent on these + examinations of our affairs that gave me, for the time, an admirable + opinion of myself. Soothed by my exertions, my method, and Herbert's + compliments, I would sit with his symmetrical bundle and my own on the + table before me among the stationary, and feel like a Bank of some sort, + rather than a private individual. + </p> + <p> + We shut our outer door on these solemn occasions, in order that we might + not be interrupted. I had fallen into my serene state one evening, when we + heard a letter dropped through the slit in the said door, and fall on the + ground. "It's for you, Handel," said Herbert, going out and coming back + with it, "and I hope there is nothing the matter." This was in allusion to + its heavy black seal and border. + </p> + <p> + The letter was signed Trabb & Co., and its contents were simply, that + I was an honored sir, and that they begged to inform me that Mrs. J. + Gargery had departed this life on Monday last at twenty minutes past six + in the evening, and that my attendance was requested at the interment on + Monday next at three o'clock in the afternoon. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0035" id="link2HCH0035"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XXXV + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span>t was the first time that a grave had opened in my road of life, and the + gap it made in the smooth ground was wonderful. The figure of my sister in + her chair by the kitchen fire, haunted me night and day. That the place + could possibly be, without her, was something my mind seemed unable to + compass; and whereas she had seldom or never been in my thoughts of late, + I had now the strangest ideas that she was coming towards me in the + street, or that she would presently knock at the door. In my rooms too, + with which she had never been at all associated, there was at once the + blankness of death and a perpetual suggestion of the sound of her voice or + the turn of her face or figure, as if she were still alive and had been + often there. + </p> + <p> + Whatever my fortunes might have been, I could scarcely have recalled my + sister with much tenderness. But I suppose there is a shock of regret + which may exist without much tenderness. Under its influence (and perhaps + to make up for the want of the softer feeling) I was seized with a violent + indignation against the assailant from whom she had suffered so much; and + I felt that on sufficient proof I could have revengefully pursued Orlick, + or any one else, to the last extremity. + </p> + <p> + Having written to Joe, to offer him consolation, and to assure him that I + would come to the funeral, I passed the intermediate days in the curious + state of mind I have glanced at. I went down early in the morning, and + alighted at the Blue Boar in good time to walk over to the forge. + </p> + <p> + It was fine summer weather again, and, as I walked along, the times when I + was a little helpless creature, and my sister did not spare me, vividly + returned. But they returned with a gentle tone upon them that softened + even the edge of Tickler. For now, the very breath of the beans and clover + whispered to my heart that the day must come when it would be well for my + memory that others walking in the sunshine should be softened as they + thought of me. + </p> + <p> + At last I came within sight of the house, and saw that Trabb and Co. had + put in a funereal execution and taken possession. Two dismally absurd + persons, each ostentatiously exhibiting a crutch done up in a black + bandage,—as if that instrument could possibly communicate any + comfort to anybody,—were posted at the front door; and in one of + them I recognized a postboy discharged from the Boar for turning a young + couple into a sawpit on their bridal morning, in consequence of + intoxication rendering it necessary for him to ride his horse clasped + round the neck with both arms. All the children of the village, and most + of the women, were admiring these sable warders and the closed windows of + the house and forge; and as I came up, one of the two warders (the + postboy) knocked at the door,—implying that I was far too much + exhausted by grief to have strength remaining to knock for myself. + </p> + <p> + Another sable warder (a carpenter, who had once eaten two geese for a + wager) opened the door, and showed me into the best parlor. Here, Mr. + Trabb had taken unto himself the best table, and had got all the leaves + up, and was holding a kind of black Bazaar, with the aid of a quantity of + black pins. At the moment of my arrival, he had just finished putting + somebody's hat into black long-clothes, like an African baby; so he held + out his hand for mine. But I, misled by the action, and confused by the + occasion, shook hands with him with every testimony of warm affection. + </p> + <p> + Poor dear Joe, entangled in a little black cloak tied in a large bow under + his chin, was seated apart at the upper end of the room; where, as chief + mourner, he had evidently been stationed by Trabb. When I bent down and + said to him, "Dear Joe, how are you?" he said, "Pip, old chap, you knowed + her when she were a fine figure of a—" and clasped my hand and said + no more. + </p> + <p> + Biddy, looking very neat and modest in her black dress, went quietly here + and there, and was very helpful. When I had spoken to Biddy, as I thought + it not a time for talking I went and sat down near Joe, and there began to + wonder in what part of the house it—she—my sister—was. + The air of the parlor being faint with the smell of sweet-cake, I looked + about for the table of refreshments; it was scarcely visible until one had + got accustomed to the gloom, but there was a cut-up plum cake upon it, and + there were cut-up oranges, and sandwiches, and biscuits, and two decanters + that I knew very well as ornaments, but had never seen used in all my + life; one full of port, and one of sherry. Standing at this table, I + became conscious of the servile Pumblechook in a black cloak and several + yards of hatband, who was alternately stuffing himself, and making + obsequious movements to catch my attention. The moment he succeeded, he + came over to me (breathing sherry and crumbs), and said in a subdued + voice, "May I, dear sir?" and did. I then descried Mr. and Mrs. Hubble; + the last-named in a decent speechless paroxysm in a corner. We were all + going to "follow," and were all in course of being tied up separately (by + Trabb) into ridiculous bundles. + </p> + <p> + "Which I meantersay, Pip," Joe whispered me, as we were being what Mr. + Trabb called "formed" in the parlor, two and two,—and it was + dreadfully like a preparation for some grim kind of dance; "which I + meantersay, sir, as I would in preference have carried her to the church + myself, along with three or four friendly ones wot come to it with willing + harts and arms, but it were considered wot the neighbors would look down + on such and would be of opinions as it were wanting in respect." + </p> + <p> + "Pocket-handkerchiefs out, all!" cried Mr. Trabb at this point, in a + depressed business-like voice. "Pocket-handkerchiefs out! We are ready!" + </p> + <p> + So we all put our pocket-handkerchiefs to our faces, as if our noses were + bleeding, and filed out two and two; Joe and I; Biddy and Pumblechook; Mr. + and Mrs. Hubble. The remains of my poor sister had been brought round by + the kitchen door, and, it being a point of Undertaking ceremony that the + six bearers must be stifled and blinded under a horrible black velvet + housing with a white border, the whole looked like a blind monster with + twelve human legs, shuffling and blundering along, under the guidance of + two keepers,—the postboy and his comrade. + </p> + <p> + The neighborhood, however, highly approved of these arrangements, and we + were much admired as we went through the village; the more youthful and + vigorous part of the community making dashes now and then to cut us off, + and lying in wait to intercept us at points of vantage. At such times the + more exuberant among them called out in an excited manner on our emergence + round some corner of expectancy, "<i>Here</i> they come!" "<i>Here</i> they are!" and we + were all but cheered. In this progress I was much annoyed by the abject + Pumblechook, who, being behind me, persisted all the way as a delicate + attention in arranging my streaming hatband, and smoothing my cloak. My + thoughts were further distracted by the excessive pride of Mr. and Mrs. + Hubble, who were surpassingly conceited and vainglorious in being members + of so distinguished a procession. + </p> + <p> + And now the range of marshes lay clear before us, with the sails of the + ships on the river growing out of it; and we went into the churchyard, + close to the graves of my unknown parents, Philip Pirrip, late of this + parish, and Also Georgiana, Wife of the Above. And there, my sister was + laid quietly in the earth, while the larks sang high above it, and the + light wind strewed it with beautiful shadows of clouds and trees. + </p> + <p> + Of the conduct of the worldly minded Pumblechook while this was doing, I + desire to say no more than it was all addressed to me; and that even when + those noble passages were read which remind humanity how it brought + nothing into the world and can take nothing out, and how it fleeth like a + shadow and never continueth long in one stay, I heard him cough a + reservation of the case of a young gentleman who came unexpectedly into + large property. When we got back, he had the hardihood to tell me that he + wished my sister could have known I had done her so much honor, and to + hint that she would have considered it reasonably purchased at the price + of her death. After that, he drank all the rest of the sherry, and Mr. + Hubble drank the port, and the two talked (which I have since observed to + be customary in such cases) as if they were of quite another race from the + deceased, and were notoriously immortal. Finally, he went away with Mr. + and Mrs. Hubble,—to make an evening of it, I felt sure, and to tell + the Jolly Bargemen that he was the founder of my fortunes and my earliest + benefactor. + </p> + <p> + When they were all gone, and when Trabb and his men—but not his Boy; + I looked for him—had crammed their mummery into bags, and were gone + too, the house felt wholesomer. Soon afterwards, Biddy, Joe, and I, had a + cold dinner together; but we dined in the best parlor, not in the old + kitchen, and Joe was so exceedingly particular what he did with his knife + and fork and the saltcellar and what not, that there was great restraint + upon us. But after dinner, when I made him take his pipe, and when I had + loitered with him about the forge, and when we sat down together on the + great block of stone outside it, we got on better. I noticed that after + the funeral Joe changed his clothes so far, as to make a compromise + between his Sunday dress and working dress; in which the dear fellow + looked natural, and like the Man he was. + </p> + <p> + He was very much pleased by my asking if I might sleep in my own little + room, and I was pleased too; for I felt that I had done rather a great + thing in making the request. When the shadows of evening were closing in, + I took an opportunity of getting into the garden with Biddy for a little + talk. + </p> + <p> + "Biddy," said I, "I think you might have written to me about these sad + matters." + </p> + <p> + "Do you, Mr. Pip?" said Biddy. "I should have written if I had thought + that." + </p> + <p> + "Don't suppose that I mean to be unkind, Biddy, when I say I consider that + you ought to have thought that." + </p> + <p> + "Do you, Mr. Pip?" + </p> + <p> + She was so quiet, and had such an orderly, good, and pretty way with her, + that I did not like the thought of making her cry again. After looking a + little at her downcast eyes as she walked beside me, I gave up that point. + </p> + <p> + "I suppose it will be difficult for you to remain here now, Biddy dear?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh! I can't do so, Mr. Pip," said Biddy, in a tone of regret but still of + quiet conviction. "I have been speaking to Mrs. Hubble, and I am going to + her to-morrow. I hope we shall be able to take some care of Mr. Gargery, + together, until he settles down." + </p> + <p> + "How are you going to live, Biddy? If you want any mo—" + </p> + <p> + "How am I going to live?" repeated Biddy, striking in, with a momentary + flush upon her face. "I'll tell you, Mr. Pip. I am going to try to get the + place of mistress in the new school nearly finished here. I can be well + recommended by all the neighbors, and I hope I can be industrious and + patient, and teach myself while I teach others. You know, Mr. Pip," + pursued Biddy, with a smile, as she raised her eyes to my face, "the new + schools are not like the old, but I learnt a good deal from you after that + time, and have had time since then to improve." + </p> + <p> + "I think you would always improve, Biddy, under any circumstances." + </p> + <p> + "Ah! Except in my bad side of human nature," murmured Biddy. + </p> + <p> + It was not so much a reproach as an irresistible thinking aloud. Well! I + thought I would give up that point too. So, I walked a little further with + Biddy, looking silently at her downcast eyes. + </p> + <p> + "I have not heard the particulars of my sister's death, Biddy." + </p> + <p> + "They are very slight, poor thing. She had been in one of her bad states—though + they had got better of late, rather than worse—for four days, when + she came out of it in the evening, just at tea-time, and said quite + plainly, 'Joe.' As she had never said any word for a long while, I ran and + fetched in Mr. Gargery from the forge. She made signs to me that she + wanted him to sit down close to her, and wanted me to put her arms round + his neck. So I put them round his neck, and she laid her head down on his + shoulder quite content and satisfied. And so she presently said 'Joe' + again, and once 'Pardon,' and once 'Pip.' And so she never lifted her head + up any more, and it was just an hour later when we laid it down on her own + bed, because we found she was gone." + </p> + <p> + Biddy cried; the darkening garden, and the lane, and the stars that were + coming out, were blurred in my own sight. + </p> + <p> + "Nothing was ever discovered, Biddy?" + </p> + <p> + "Nothing." + </p> + <p> + "Do you know what is become of Orlick?" + </p> + <p> + "I should think from the color of his clothes that he is working in the + quarries." + </p> + <p> + "Of course you have seen him then?—Why are you looking at that dark + tree in the lane?" + </p> + <p> + "I saw him there, on the night she died." + </p> + <p> + "That was not the last time either, Biddy?" + </p> + <p> + "No; I have seen him there, since we have been walking here.—It is + of no use," said Biddy, laying her hand upon my arm, as I was for running + out, "you know I would not deceive you; he was not there a minute, and he + is gone." + </p> + <p> + It revived my utmost indignation to find that she was still pursued by + this fellow, and I felt inveterate against him. I told her so, and told + her that I would spend any money or take any pains to drive him out of + that country. By degrees she led me into more temperate talk, and she told + me how Joe loved me, and how Joe never complained of anything,—she + didn't say, of me; she had no need; I knew what she meant,—but ever + did his duty in his way of life, with a strong hand, a quiet tongue, and a + gentle heart. + </p> + <p> + "Indeed, it would be hard to say too much for him," said I; "and Biddy, we + must often speak of these things, for of course I shall be often down here + now. I am not going to leave poor Joe alone." + </p> + <p> + Biddy said never a single word. + </p> + <p> + "Biddy, don't you hear me?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, Mr. Pip." + </p> + <p> + "Not to mention your calling me Mr. Pip,—which appears to me to be + in bad taste, Biddy,—what do you mean?" + </p> + <p> + "What do I mean?" asked Biddy, timidly. + </p> + <p> + "Biddy," said I, in a virtuously self-asserting manner, "I must request to + know what you mean by this?" + </p> + <p> + "By this?" said Biddy. + </p> + <p> + "Now, don't echo," I retorted. "You used not to echo, Biddy." + </p> + <p> + "Used not!" said Biddy. "O Mr. Pip! Used!" + </p> + <p> + Well! I rather thought I would give up that point too. After another + silent turn in the garden, I fell back on the main position. + </p> + <p> + "Biddy," said I, "I made a remark respecting my coming down here often, to + see Joe, which you received with a marked silence. Have the goodness, + Biddy, to tell me why." + </p> + <p> + "Are you quite sure, then, that you WILL come to see him often?" asked + Biddy, stopping in the narrow garden walk, and looking at me under the + stars with a clear and honest eye. + </p> + <p> + "O dear me!" said I, as if I found myself compelled to give up Biddy in + despair. "This really is a very bad side of human nature! Don't say any + more, if you please, Biddy. This shocks me very much." + </p> + <p> + For which cogent reason I kept Biddy at a distance during supper, and when + I went up to my own old little room, took as stately a leave of her as I + could, in my murmuring soul, deem reconcilable with the churchyard and the + event of the day. As often as I was restless in the night, and that was + every quarter of an hour, I reflected what an unkindness, what an injury, + what an injustice, Biddy had done me. + </p> + <p> + Early in the morning I was to go. Early in the morning I was out, and + looking in, unseen, at one of the wooden windows of the forge. There I + stood, for minutes, looking at Joe, already at work with a glow of health + and strength upon his face that made it show as if the bright sun of the + life in store for him were shining on it. + </p> + <p> + "Good by, dear Joe!—No, don't wipe it off—for God's sake, give + me your blackened hand!—I shall be down soon and often." + </p> +<div class="fig" > + <img src="images/0279m.jpg" alt="0279m " /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/0279.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + "Never too soon, sir," said Joe, "and never too often, Pip!" + </p> + <p> + Biddy was waiting for me at the kitchen door, with a mug of new milk and a + crust of bread. "Biddy," said I, when I gave her my hand at parting, "I am + not angry, but I am hurt." + </p> + <p> + "No, don't be hurt," she pleaded quite pathetically; "let only me be hurt, + if I have been ungenerous." + </p> + <p> + Once more, the mists were rising as I walked away. If they disclosed to + me, as I suspect they did, that I should not come back, and that Biddy was + quite right, all I can say is,—they were quite right too. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0036" id="link2HCH0036"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XXXVI + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">H</span>erbert and I went on from bad to worse, in the way of increasing our + debts, looking into our affairs, leaving Margins, and the like exemplary + transactions; and Time went on, whether or no, as he has a way of doing; + and I came of age,—in fulfilment of Herbert's prediction, that I + should do so before I knew where I was. + </p> + <p> + Herbert himself had come of age eight months before me. As he had nothing + else than his majority to come into, the event did not make a profound + sensation in Barnard's Inn. But we had looked forward to my + one-and-twentieth birthday, with a crowd of speculations and + anticipations, for we had both considered that my guardian could hardly + help saying something definite on that occasion. + </p> + <p> + I had taken care to have it well understood in Little Britain when my + birthday was. On the day before it, I received an official note from + Wemmick, informing me that Mr. Jaggers would be glad if I would call upon + him at five in the afternoon of the auspicious day. This convinced us that + something great was to happen, and threw me into an unusual flutter when I + repaired to my guardian's office, a model of punctuality. + </p> + <p> + In the outer office Wemmick offered me his congratulations, and + incidentally rubbed the side of his nose with a folded piece of + tissue-paper that I liked the look of. But he said nothing respecting it, + and motioned me with a nod into my guardian's room. It was November, and + my guardian was standing before his fire leaning his back against the + chimney-piece, with his hands under his coattails. + </p> + <p> + "Well, Pip," said he, "I must call you Mr. Pip to-day. Congratulations, + Mr. Pip." + </p> + <p> + We shook hands,—he was always a remarkably short shaker,—and I + thanked him. + </p> + <p> + "Take a chair, Mr. Pip," said my guardian. + </p> + <p> + As I sat down, and he preserved his attitude and bent his brows at his + boots, I felt at a disadvantage, which reminded me of that old time when I + had been put upon a tombstone. The two ghastly casts on the shelf were not + far from him, and their expression was as if they were making a stupid + apoplectic attempt to attend to the conversation. + </p> + <p> + "Now my young friend," my guardian began, as if I were a witness in the + box, "I am going to have a word or two with you." + </p> + <p> + "If you please, sir." + </p> + <p> + "What do you suppose," said Mr. Jaggers, bending forward to look at the + ground, and then throwing his head back to look at the ceiling,—"what + do you suppose you are living at the rate of?" + </p> + <p> + "At the rate of, sir?" + </p> + <p> + "At," repeated Mr. Jaggers, still looking at the ceiling, "the—rate—of?" + And then looked all round the room, and paused with his + pocket-handkerchief in his hand, half-way to his nose. + </p> + <p> + I had looked into my affairs so often, that I had thoroughly destroyed any + slight notion I might ever have had of their bearings. Reluctantly, I + confessed myself quite unable to answer the question. This reply seemed + agreeable to Mr. Jaggers, who said, "I thought so!" and blew his nose with + an air of satisfaction. + </p> + <p> + "Now, I have asked <i>you</i> a question, my friend," said Mr. Jaggers. "Have you + anything to ask <i>me</i>?" + </p> + <p> + "Of course it would be a great relief to me to ask you several questions, + sir; but I remember your prohibition." + </p> + <p> + "Ask one," said Mr. Jaggers. + </p> + <p> + "Is my benefactor to be made known to me to-day?" + </p> + <p> + "No. Ask another." + </p> + <p> + "Is that confidence to be imparted to me soon?" + </p> + <p> + "Waive that, a moment," said Mr. Jaggers, "and ask another." + </p> + <p> + I looked about me, but there appeared to be now no possible escape from + the inquiry, "Have-I—anything to receive, sir?" On that, Mr. Jaggers + said, triumphantly, "I thought we should come to it!" and called to + Wemmick to give him that piece of paper. Wemmick appeared, handed it in, + and disappeared. + </p> + <p> + "Now, Mr. Pip," said Mr. Jaggers, "attend, if you please. You have been + drawing pretty freely here; your name occurs pretty often in Wemmick's + cash-book; but you are in debt, of course?" + </p> + <p> + "I am afraid I must say yes, sir." + </p> + <p> + "You know you must say yes; don't you?" said Mr. Jaggers. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, sir." + </p> + <p> + "I don't ask you what you owe, because you don't know; and if you did + know, you wouldn't tell me; you would say less. Yes, yes, my friend," + cried Mr. Jaggers, waving his forefinger to stop me as I made a show of + protesting: "it's likely enough that you think you wouldn't, but you + would. You'll excuse me, but I know better than you. Now, take this piece + of paper in your hand. You have got it? Very good. Now, unfold it and tell + me what it is." + </p> + <p> + "This is a bank-note," said I, "for five hundred pounds." + </p> + <p> + "That is a bank-note," repeated Mr. Jaggers, "for five hundred pounds. And + a very handsome sum of money too, I think. You consider it so?" + </p> + <p> + "How could I do otherwise!" + </p> + <p> + "Ah! But answer the question," said Mr. Jaggers. + </p> + <p> + "Undoubtedly." + </p> + <p> + "You consider it, undoubtedly, a handsome sum of money. Now, that handsome + sum of money, Pip, is your own. It is a present to you on this day, in + earnest of your expectations. And at the rate of that handsome sum of + money per annum, and at no higher rate, you are to live until the donor of + the whole appears. That is to say, you will now take your money affairs + entirely into your own hands, and you will draw from Wemmick one hundred + and twenty-five pounds per quarter, until you are in communication with + the fountain-head, and no longer with the mere agent. As I have told you + before, I am the mere agent. I execute my instructions, and I am paid for + doing so. I think them injudicious, but I am not paid for giving any + opinion on their merits." + </p> + <p> + I was beginning to express my gratitude to my benefactor for the great + liberality with which I was treated, when Mr. Jaggers stopped me. "I am + not paid, Pip," said he, coolly, "to carry your words to any one;" and + then gathered up his coat-tails, as he had gathered up the subject, and + stood frowning at his boots as if he suspected them of designs against + him. + </p> + <p> + After a pause, I hinted,— + </p> + <p> + "There was a question just now, Mr. Jaggers, which you desired me to waive + for a moment. I hope I am doing nothing wrong in asking it again?" + </p> + <p> + "What is it?" said he. + </p> + <p> + I might have known that he would never help me out; but it took me aback + to have to shape the question afresh, as if it were quite new. "Is it + likely," I said, after hesitating, "that my patron, the fountain-head you + have spoken of, Mr. Jaggers, will soon—" there I delicately stopped. + </p> + <p> + "Will soon what?" asked Mr. Jaggers. "That's no question as it stands, you + know." + </p> + <p> + "Will soon come to London," said I, after casting about for a precise form + of words, "or summon me anywhere else?" + </p> + <p> + "Now, here," replied Mr. Jaggers, fixing me for the first time with his + dark deep-set eyes, "we must revert to the evening when we first + encountered one another in your village. What did I tell you then, Pip?" + </p> + <p> + "You told me, Mr. Jaggers, that it might be years hence when that person + appeared." + </p> + <p> + "Just so," said Mr. Jaggers, "that's my answer." + </p> + <p> + As we looked full at one another, I felt my breath come quicker in my + strong desire to get something out of him. And as I felt that it came + quicker, and as I felt that he saw that it came quicker, I felt that I had + less chance than ever of getting anything out of him. + </p> + <p> + "Do you suppose it will still be years hence, Mr. Jaggers?" + </p> + <p> + Mr. Jaggers shook his head,—not in negativing the question, but in + altogether negativing the notion that he could anyhow be got to answer it,—and + the two horrible casts of the twitched faces looked, when my eyes strayed + up to them, as if they had come to a crisis in their suspended attention, + and were going to sneeze. + </p> + <p> + "Come!" said Mr. Jaggers, warming the backs of his legs with the backs of + his warmed hands, "I'll be plain with you, my friend Pip. That's a + question I must not be asked. You'll understand that better, when I tell + you it's a question that might compromise <i>me</i>. Come! I'll go a little + further with you; I'll say something more." + </p> + <p> + He bent down so low to frown at his boots, that he was able to rub the + calves of his legs in the pause he made. + </p> + <p> + "When that person discloses," said Mr. Jaggers, straightening himself, + "you and that person will settle your own affairs. When that person + discloses, my part in this business will cease and determine. When that + person discloses, it will not be necessary for me to know anything about + it. And that's all I have got to say." + </p> + <p> + We looked at one another until I withdrew my eyes, and looked thoughtfully + at the floor. From this last speech I derived the notion that Miss + Havisham, for some reason or no reason, had not taken him into her + confidence as to her designing me for Estella; that he resented this, and + felt a jealousy about it; or that he really did object to that scheme, and + would have nothing to do with it. When I raised my eyes again, I found + that he had been shrewdly looking at me all the time, and was doing so + still. + </p> + <p> + "If that is all you have to say, sir," I remarked, "there can be nothing + left for me to say." + </p> + <p> + He nodded assent, and pulled out his thief-dreaded watch, and asked me + where I was going to dine? I replied at my own chambers, with Herbert. As + a necessary sequence, I asked him if he would favor us with his company, + and he promptly accepted the invitation. But he insisted on walking home + with me, in order that I might make no extra preparation for him, and + first he had a letter or two to write, and (of course) had his hands to + wash. So I said I would go into the outer office and talk to Wemmick. + </p> + <p> + The fact was, that when the five hundred pounds had come into my pocket, a + thought had come into my head which had been often there before; and it + appeared to me that Wemmick was a good person to advise with concerning + such thought. + </p> + <p> + He had already locked up his safe, and made preparations for going home. + He had left his desk, brought out his two greasy office candlesticks and + stood them in line with the snuffers on a slab near the door, ready to be + extinguished; he had raked his fire low, put his hat and great-coat ready, + and was beating himself all over the chest with his safe-key, as an + athletic exercise after business. + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Wemmick," said I, "I want to ask your opinion. I am very desirous to + serve a friend." + </p> + <p> + Wemmick tightened his post-office and shook his head, as if his opinion + were dead against any fatal weakness of that sort. + </p> + <p> + "This friend," I pursued, "is trying to get on in commercial life, but has + no money, and finds it difficult and disheartening to make a beginning. + Now I want somehow to help him to a beginning." + </p> + <p> + "With money down?" said Wemmick, in a tone drier than any sawdust. + </p> + <p> + "With <i>some</i> money down," I replied, for an uneasy remembrance shot across + me of that symmetrical bundle of papers at home—"with <i>some</i> money + down, and perhaps some anticipation of my expectations." + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Pip," said Wemmick, "I should like just to run over with you on my + fingers, if you please, the names of the various bridges up as high as + Chelsea Reach. Let's see; there's London, one; Southwark, two; + Blackfriars, three; Waterloo, four; Westminster, five; Vauxhall, six." He + had checked off each bridge in its turn, with the handle of his safe-key + on the palm of his hand. "There's as many as six, you see, to choose + from." + </p> + <p> + "I don't understand you," said I. + </p> + <p> + "Choose your bridge, Mr. Pip," returned Wemmick, "and take a walk upon + your bridge, and pitch your money into the Thames over the centre arch of + your bridge, and you know the end of it. Serve a friend with it, and you + may know the end of it too,—but it's a less pleasant and profitable + end." + </p> + <p> + I could have posted a newspaper in his mouth, he made it so wide after + saying this. + </p> + <p> + "This is very discouraging," said I. + </p> + <p> + "Meant to be so," said Wemmick. + </p> + <p> + "Then is it your opinion," I inquired, with some little indignation, "that + a man should never—" + </p> + <p> + "—Invest portable property in a friend?" said Wemmick. "Certainly he + should not. Unless he wants to get rid of the friend,—and then it + becomes a question how much portable property it may be worth to get rid + of him." + </p> + <p> + "And that," said I, "is your deliberate opinion, Mr. Wemmick?" + </p> + <p> + "That," he returned, "is my deliberate opinion in this office." + </p> + <p> + "Ah!" said I, pressing him, for I thought I saw him near a loophole here; + "but would that be your opinion at Walworth?" + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Pip," he replied, with gravity, "Walworth is one place, and this + office is another. Much as the Aged is one person, and Mr. Jaggers is + another. They must not be confounded together. My Walworth sentiments must + be taken at Walworth; none but my official sentiments can be taken in this + office." + </p> + <p> + "Very well," said I, much relieved, "then I shall look you up at Walworth, + you may depend upon it." + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Pip," he returned, "you will be welcome there, in a private and + personal capacity." + </p> + <p> + We had held this conversation in a low voice, well knowing my guardian's + ears to be the sharpest of the sharp. As he now appeared in his doorway, + towelling his hands, Wemmick got on his great-coat and stood by to snuff + out the candles. We all three went into the street together, and from the + door-step Wemmick turned his way, and Mr. Jaggers and I turned ours. + </p> + <p> + I could not help wishing more than once that evening, that Mr. Jaggers had + had an Aged in Gerrard Street, or a Stinger, or a Something, or a + Somebody, to unbend his brows a little. It was an uncomfortable + consideration on a twenty-first birthday, that coming of age at all seemed + hardly worth while in such a guarded and suspicious world as he made of + it. He was a thousand times better informed and cleverer than Wemmick, and + yet I would a thousand times rather have had Wemmick to dinner. And Mr. + Jaggers made not me alone intensely melancholy, because, after he was + gone, Herbert said of himself, with his eyes fixed on the fire, that he + thought he must have committed a felony and forgotten the details of it, + he felt so dejected and guilty. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0037" id="link2HCH0037"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XXXVII + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">D</span>eeming Sunday the best day for taking Mr. Wemmick's Walworth sentiments, + I devoted the next ensuing Sunday afternoon to a pilgrimage to the Castle. + On arriving before the battlements, I found the Union Jack flying and the + drawbridge up; but undeterred by this show of defiance and resistance, I + rang at the gate, and was admitted in a most pacific manner by the Aged. + </p> + <p> + "My son, sir," said the old man, after securing the drawbridge, "rather + had it in his mind that you might happen to drop in, and he left word that + he would soon be home from his afternoon's walk. He is very regular in his + walks, is my son. Very regular in everything, is my son." + </p> + <p> + I nodded at the old gentleman as Wemmick himself might have nodded, and we + went in and sat down by the fireside. + </p> + <p> + "You made acquaintance with my son, sir," said the old man, in his + chirping way, while he warmed his hands at the blaze, "at his office, I + expect?" I nodded. "Hah! I have heerd that my son is a wonderful hand at + his business, sir?" I nodded hard. "Yes; so they tell me. His business is + the Law?" I nodded harder. "Which makes it more surprising in my son," + said the old man, "for he was not brought up to the Law, but to the + Wine-Coopering." + </p> + <p> + Curious to know how the old gentleman stood informed concerning the + reputation of Mr. Jaggers, I roared that name at him. He threw me into the + greatest confusion by laughing heartily and replying in a very sprightly + manner, "No, to be sure; you're right." And to this hour I have not the + faintest notion what he meant, or what joke he thought I had made. + </p> + <p> + As I could not sit there nodding at him perpetually, without making some + other attempt to interest him, I shouted at inquiry whether his own + calling in life had been "the Wine-Coopering." By dint of straining that + term out of myself several times and tapping the old gentleman on the + chest to associate it with him, I at last succeeded in making my meaning + understood. + </p> + <p> + "No," said the old gentleman; "the warehousing, the warehousing. First, + over yonder;" he appeared to mean up the chimney, but I believe he + intended to refer me to Liverpool; "and then in the City of London here. + However, having an infirmity—for I am hard of hearing, sir—" + </p> + <p> + I expressed in pantomime the greatest astonishment. + </p> + <p> + "—Yes, hard of hearing; having that infirmity coming upon me, my son + he went into the Law, and he took charge of me, and he by little and + little made out this elegant and beautiful property. But returning to what + you said, you know," pursued the old man, again laughing heartily, "what I + say is, No to be sure; you're right." + </p> + <p> + I was modestly wondering whether my utmost ingenuity would have enabled me + to say anything that would have amused him half as much as this imaginary + pleasantry, when I was startled by a sudden click in the wall on one side + of the chimney, and the ghostly tumbling open of a little wooden flap with + "JOHN" upon it. The old man, following my eyes, cried with great triumph, + "My son's come home!" and we both went out to the drawbridge. + </p> + <p> + It was worth any money to see Wemmick waving a salute to me from the other + side of the moat, when we might have shaken hands across it with the + greatest ease. The Aged was so delighted to work the drawbridge, that I + made no offer to assist him, but stood quiet until Wemmick had come + across, and had presented me to Miss Skiffins; a lady by whom he was + accompanied. + </p> + <p> + Miss Skiffins was of a wooden appearance, and was, like her escort, in the + post-office branch of the service. She might have been some two or three + years younger than Wemmick, and I judged her to stand possessed of + portable property. The cut of her dress from the waist upward, both before + and behind, made her figure very like a boy's kite; and I might have + pronounced her gown a little too decidedly orange, and her gloves a little + too intensely green. But she seemed to be a good sort of fellow, and + showed a high regard for the Aged. I was not long in discovering that she + was a frequent visitor at the Castle; for, on our going in, and my + complimenting Wemmick on his ingenious contrivance for announcing himself + to the Aged, he begged me to give my attention for a moment to the other + side of the chimney, and disappeared. Presently another click came, and + another little door tumbled open with "Miss Skiffins" on it; then Miss + Skiffins shut up and John tumbled open; then Miss Skiffins and John both + tumbled open together, and finally shut up together. On Wemmick's return + from working these mechanical appliances, I expressed the great admiration + with which I regarded them, and he said, "Well, you know, they're both + pleasant and useful to the Aged. And by George, sir, it's a thing worth + mentioning, that of all the people who come to this gate, the secret of + those pulls is only known to the Aged, Miss Skiffins, and me!" + </p> + <p> + "And Mr. Wemmick made them," added Miss Skiffins, "with his own hands out + of his own head." + </p> + <p> + While Miss Skiffins was taking off her bonnet (she retained her green + gloves during the evening as an outward and visible sign that there was + company), Wemmick invited me to take a walk with him round the property, + and see how the island looked in wintertime. Thinking that he did this to + give me an opportunity of taking his Walworth sentiments, I seized the + opportunity as soon as we were out of the Castle. + </p> + <p> + Having thought of the matter with care, I approached my subject as if I + had never hinted at it before. I informed Wemmick that I was anxious in + behalf of Herbert Pocket, and I told him how we had first met, and how we + had fought. I glanced at Herbert's home, and at his character, and at his + having no means but such as he was dependent on his father for; those, + uncertain and unpunctual. I alluded to the advantages I had derived in my + first rawness and ignorance from his society, and I confessed that I + feared I had but ill repaid them, and that he might have done better + without me and my expectations. Keeping Miss Havisham in the background at + a great distance, I still hinted at the possibility of my having competed + with him in his prospects, and at the certainty of his possessing a + generous soul, and being far above any mean distrusts, retaliations, or + designs. For all these reasons (I told Wemmick), and because he was my + young companion and friend, and I had a great affection for him, I wished + my own good fortune to reflect some rays upon him, and therefore I sought + advice from Wemmick's experience and knowledge of men and affairs, how I + could best try with my resources to help Herbert to some present income,—say + of a hundred a year, to keep him in good hope and heart,—and + gradually to buy him on to some small partnership. I begged Wemmick, in + conclusion, to understand that my help must always be rendered without + Herbert's knowledge or suspicion, and that there was no one else in the + world with whom I could advise. I wound up by laying my hand upon his + shoulder, and saying, "I can't help confiding in you, though I know it + must be troublesome to you; but that is your fault, in having ever brought + me here." + </p> + <p> + Wemmick was silent for a little while, and then said with a kind of start, + "Well you know, Mr. Pip, I must tell you one thing. This is devilish good + of you." + </p> + <p> + "Say you'll help me to be good then," said I. + </p> + <p> + "Ecod," replied Wemmick, shaking his head, "that's not my trade." + </p> + <p> + "Nor is this your trading-place," said I. + </p> + <p> + "You are right," he returned. "You hit the nail on the head. Mr. Pip, I'll + put on my considering-cap, and I think all you want to do may be done by + degrees. Skiffins (that's her brother) is an accountant and agent. I'll + look him up and go to work for you." + </p> + <p> + "I thank you ten thousand times." + </p> + <p> + "On the contrary," said he, "I thank you, for though we are strictly in + our private and personal capacity, still it may be mentioned that there + <i>are</i> Newgate cobwebs about, and it brushes them away." + </p> + <p> + After a little further conversation to the same effect, we returned into + the Castle where we found Miss Skiffins preparing tea. The responsible + duty of making the toast was delegated to the Aged, and that excellent old + gentleman was so intent upon it that he seemed to me in some danger of + melting his eyes. It was no nominal meal that we were going to make, but a + vigorous reality. The Aged prepared such a hay-stack of buttered toast, + that I could scarcely see him over it as it simmered on an iron stand + hooked on to the top-bar; while Miss Skiffins brewed such a jorum of tea, + that the pig in the back premises became strongly excited, and repeatedly + expressed his desire to participate in the entertainment. + </p> + <p> + The flag had been struck, and the gun had been fired, at the right moment + of time, and I felt as snugly cut off from the rest of Walworth as if the + moat were thirty feet wide by as many deep. Nothing disturbed the + tranquillity of the Castle, but the occasional tumbling open of John and + Miss Skiffins: which little doors were a prey to some spasmodic infirmity + that made me sympathetically uncomfortable until I got used to it. I + inferred from the methodical nature of Miss Skiffins's arrangements that + she made tea there every Sunday night; and I rather suspected that a + classic brooch she wore, representing the profile of an undesirable female + with a very straight nose and a very new moon, was a piece of portable + property that had been given her by Wemmick. + </p> + <p> + We ate the whole of the toast, and drank tea in proportion, and it was + delightful to see how warm and greasy we all got after it. The Aged + especially, might have passed for some clean old chief of a savage tribe, + just oiled. After a short pause of repose, Miss Skiffins—in the + absence of the little servant who, it seemed, retired to the bosom of her + family on Sunday afternoons—washed up the tea-things, in a trifling + lady-like amateur manner that compromised none of us. Then, she put on her + gloves again, and we drew round the fire, and Wemmick said, "Now, Aged + Parent, tip us the paper." + </p> + <p> + Wemmick explained to me while the Aged got his spectacles out, that this + was according to custom, and that it gave the old gentleman infinite + satisfaction to read the news aloud. "I won't offer an apology," said + Wemmick, "for he isn't capable of many pleasures—are you, Aged P.?" + </p> + <p> + "All right, John, all right," returned the old man, seeing himself spoken + to. + </p> + <p> + "Only tip him a nod every now and then when he looks off his paper," said + Wemmick, "and he'll be as happy as a king. We are all attention, Aged + One." + </p> + <p> + "All right, John, all right!" returned the cheerful old man, so busy and + so pleased, that it really was quite charming. + </p> + <p> + The Aged's reading reminded me of the classes at Mr. Wopsle's + great-aunt's, with the pleasanter peculiarity that it seemed to come + through a keyhole. As he wanted the candles close to him, and as he was + always on the verge of putting either his head or the newspaper into them, + he required as much watching as a powder-mill. But Wemmick was equally + untiring and gentle in his vigilance, and the Aged read on, quite + unconscious of his many rescues. Whenever he looked at us, we all + expressed the greatest interest and amazement, and nodded until he resumed + again. + </p> + <p> + As Wemmick and Miss Skiffins sat side by side, and as I sat in a shadowy + corner, I observed a slow and gradual elongation of Mr. Wemmick's mouth, + powerfully suggestive of his slowly and gradually stealing his arm round + Miss Skiffins's waist. In course of time I saw his hand appear on the + other side of Miss Skiffins; but at that moment Miss Skiffins neatly + stopped him with the green glove, unwound his arm again as if it were an + article of dress, and with the greatest deliberation laid it on the table + before her. Miss Skiffins's composure while she did this was one of the + most remarkable sights I have ever seen, and if I could have thought the + act consistent with abstraction of mind, I should have deemed that Miss + Skiffins performed it mechanically. + </p> + <p> + By and by, I noticed Wemmick's arm beginning to disappear again, and + gradually fading out of view. Shortly afterwards, his mouth began to widen + again. After an interval of suspense on my part that was quite enthralling + and almost painful, I saw his hand appear on the other side of Miss + Skiffins. Instantly, Miss Skiffins stopped it with the neatness of a + placid boxer, took off that girdle or cestus as before, and laid it on the + table. Taking the table to represent the path of virtue, I am justified in + stating that during the whole time of the Aged's reading, Wemmick's arm + was straying from the path of virtue and being recalled to it by Miss + Skiffins. + </p> + <p> + At last, the Aged read himself into a light slumber. This was the time for + Wemmick to produce a little kettle, a tray of glasses, and a black bottle + with a porcelain-topped cork, representing some clerical dignitary of a + rubicund and social aspect. With the aid of these appliances we all had + something warm to drink, including the Aged, who was soon awake again. + Miss Skiffins mixed, and I observed that she and Wemmick drank out of one + glass. Of course I knew better than to offer to see Miss Skiffins home, + and under the circumstances I thought I had best go first; which I did, + taking a cordial leave of the Aged, and having passed a pleasant evening. + </p> + <p> + Before a week was out, I received a note from Wemmick, dated Walworth, + stating that he hoped he had made some advance in that matter appertaining + to our private and personal capacities, and that he would be glad if I + could come and see him again upon it. So, I went out to Walworth again, + and yet again, and yet again, and I saw him by appointment in the City + several times, but never held any communication with him on the subject in + or near Little Britain. The upshot was, that we found a worthy young + merchant or shipping-broker, not long established in business, who wanted + intelligent help, and who wanted capital, and who in due course of time + and receipt would want a partner. Between him and me, secret articles were + signed of which Herbert was the subject, and I paid him half of my five + hundred pounds down, and engaged for sundry other payments: some, to fall + due at certain dates out of my income: some, contingent on my coming into + my property. Miss Skiffins's brother conducted the negotiation. Wemmick + pervaded it throughout, but never appeared in it. + </p> + <p> + The whole business was so cleverly managed, that Herbert had not the least + suspicion of my hand being in it. I never shall forget the radiant face + with which he came home one afternoon, and told me, as a mighty piece of + news, of his having fallen in with one Clarriker (the young merchant's + name), and of Clarriker's having shown an extraordinary inclination + towards him, and of his belief that the opening had come at last. Day by + day as his hopes grew stronger and his face brighter, he must have thought + me a more and more affectionate friend, for I had the greatest difficulty + in restraining my tears of triumph when I saw him so happy. At length, the + thing being done, and he having that day entered Clarriker's House, and he + having talked to me for a whole evening in a flush of pleasure and + success, I did really cry in good earnest when I went to bed, to think + that my expectations had done some good to somebody. + </p> + <p> + A great event in my life, the turning point of my life, now opens on my + view. But, before I proceed to narrate it, and before I pass on to all the + changes it involved, I must give one chapter to Estella. It is not much to + give to the theme that so long filled my heart. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0038" id="link2HCH0038"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XXXVIII + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span>f that staid old house near the Green at Richmond should ever come to be + haunted when I am dead, it will be haunted, surely, by my ghost. O the + many, many nights and days through which the unquiet spirit within me + haunted that house when Estella lived there! Let my body be where it + would, my spirit was always wandering, wandering, wandering, about that + house. + </p> + <p> + The lady with whom Estella was placed, Mrs. Brandley by name, was a widow, + with one daughter several years older than Estella. The mother looked + young, and the daughter looked old; the mother's complexion was pink, and + the daughter's was yellow; the mother set up for frivolity, and the + daughter for theology. They were in what is called a good position, and + visited, and were visited by, numbers of people. Little, if any, community + of feeling subsisted between them and Estella, but the understanding was + established that they were necessary to her, and that she was necessary to + them. Mrs. Brandley had been a friend of Miss Havisham's before the time + of her seclusion. + </p> + <p> + In Mrs. Brandley's house and out of Mrs. Brandley's house, I suffered + every kind and degree of torture that Estella could cause me. The nature + of my relations with her, which placed me on terms of familiarity without + placing me on terms of favor, conduced to my distraction. She made use of + me to tease other admirers, and she turned the very familiarity between + herself and me to the account of putting a constant slight on my devotion + to her. If I had been her secretary, steward, half-brother, poor relation,—if + I had been a younger brother of her appointed husband,—I could not + have seemed to myself further from my hopes when I was nearest to her. The + privilege of calling her by her name and hearing her call me by mine + became, under the circumstances an aggravation of my trials; and while I + think it likely that it almost maddened her other lovers, I know too + certainly that it almost maddened me. + </p> + <p> + She had admirers without end. No doubt my jealousy made an admirer of + every one who went near her; but there were more than enough of them + without that. + </p> + <p> + I saw her often at Richmond, I heard of her often in town, and I used + often to take her and the Brandleys on the water; there were picnics, fête + days, plays, operas, concerts, parties, all sorts of pleasures, through + which I pursued her,—and they were all miseries to me. I never had + one hour's happiness in her society, and yet my mind all round the + four-and-twenty hours was harping on the happiness of having her with me + unto death. + </p> + <p> + Throughout this part of our intercourse,—and it lasted, as will + presently be seen, for what I then thought a long time,—she + habitually reverted to that tone which expressed that our association was + forced upon us. There were other times when she would come to a sudden + check in this tone and in all her many tones, and would seem to pity me. + </p> + <p> + "Pip, Pip," she said one evening, coming to such a check, when we sat + apart at a darkening window of the house in Richmond; "will you never take + warning?" + </p> + <p> + "Of what?" + </p> + <p> + "Of me." + </p> + <p> + "Warning not to be attracted by you, do you mean, Estella?" + </p> + <p> + "Do I mean! If you don't know what I mean, you are blind." + </p> + <p> + I should have replied that Love was commonly reputed blind, but for the + reason that I always was restrained—and this was not the least of my + miseries—by a feeling that it was ungenerous to press myself upon + her, when she knew that she could not choose but obey Miss Havisham. My + dread always was, that this knowledge on her part laid me under a heavy + disadvantage with her pride, and made me the subject of a rebellious + struggle in her bosom. + </p> + <p> + "At any rate," said I, "I have no warning given me just now, for you wrote + to me to come to you, this time." + </p> + <p> + "That's true," said Estella, with a cold careless smile that always + chilled me. + </p> + <p> + After looking at the twilight without, for a little while, she went on to + say:— + </p> + <p> + "The time has come round when Miss Havisham wishes to have me for a day at + Satis. You are to take me there, and bring me back, if you will. She would + rather I did not travel alone, and objects to receiving my maid, for she + has a sensitive horror of being talked of by such people. Can you take + me?" + </p> + <p> + "Can I take you, Estella!" + </p> + <p> + "You can then? The day after to-morrow, if you please. You are to pay all + charges out of my purse, You hear the condition of your going?" + </p> + <p> + "And must obey," said I. + </p> + <p> + This was all the preparation I received for that visit, or for others like + it; Miss Havisham never wrote to me, nor had I ever so much as seen her + handwriting. We went down on the next day but one, and we found her in the + room where I had first beheld her, and it is needless to add that there + was no change in Satis House. + </p> + <p> + She was even more dreadfully fond of Estella than she had been when I last + saw them together; I repeat the word advisedly, for there was something + positively dreadful in the energy of her looks and embraces. She hung upon + Estella's beauty, hung upon her words, hung upon her gestures, and sat + mumbling her own trembling fingers while she looked at her, as though she + were devouring the beautiful creature she had reared. + </p> + <p> + From Estella she looked at me, with a searching glance that seemed to pry + into my heart and probe its wounds. "How does she use you, Pip; how does + she use you?" she asked me again, with her witch-like eagerness, even in + Estella's hearing. But, when we sat by her flickering fire at night, she + was most weird; for then, keeping Estella's hand drawn through her arm and + clutched in her own hand, she extorted from her, by dint of referring back + to what Estella had told her in her regular letters, the names and + conditions of the men whom she had fascinated; and as Miss Havisham dwelt + upon this roll, with the intensity of a mind mortally hurt and diseased, + she sat with her other hand on her crutch stick, and her chin on that, and + her wan bright eyes glaring at me, a very spectre. + </p> + <p> + I saw in this, wretched though it made me, and bitter the sense of + dependence and even of degradation that it awakened,—I saw in this + that Estella was set to wreak Miss Havisham's revenge on men, and that she + was not to be given to me until she had gratified it for a term. I saw in + this, a reason for her being beforehand assigned to me. Sending her out to + attract and torment and do mischief, Miss Havisham sent her with the + malicious assurance that she was beyond the reach of all admirers, and + that all who staked upon that cast were secured to lose. I saw in this + that I, too, was tormented by a perversion of ingenuity, even while the + prize was reserved for me. I saw in this the reason for my being staved + off so long and the reason for my late guardian's declining to commit + himself to the formal knowledge of such a scheme. In a word, I saw in this + Miss Havisham as I had her then and there before my eyes, and always had + had her before my eyes; and I saw in this, the distinct shadow of the + darkened and unhealthy house in which her life was hidden from the sun. + </p> + <p> + The candles that lighted that room of hers were placed in sconces on the + wall. They were high from the ground, and they burnt with the steady + dulness of artificial light in air that is seldom renewed. As I looked + round at them, and at the pale gloom they made, and at the stopped clock, + and at the withered articles of bridal dress upon the table and the + ground, and at her own awful figure with its ghostly reflection thrown + large by the fire upon the ceiling and the wall, I saw in everything the + construction that my mind had come to, repeated and thrown back to me. My + thoughts passed into the great room across the landing where the table was + spread, and I saw it written, as it were, in the falls of the cobwebs from + the centre-piece, in the crawlings of the spiders on the cloth, in the + tracks of the mice as they betook their little quickened hearts behind the + panels, and in the gropings and pausings of the beetles on the floor. + </p> + <p> + It happened on the occasion of this visit that some sharp words arose + between Estella and Miss Havisham. It was the first time I had ever seen + them opposed. + </p> + <p> + We were seated by the fire, as just now described, and Miss Havisham still + had Estella's arm drawn through her own, and still clutched Estella's hand + in hers, when Estella gradually began to detach herself. She had shown a + proud impatience more than once before, and had rather endured that fierce + affection than accepted or returned it. + </p> + <p> + "What!" said Miss Havisham, flashing her eyes upon her, "are you tired of + me?" + </p> + <p> + "Only a little tired of myself," replied Estella, disengaging her arm, and + moving to the great chimney-piece, where she stood looking down at the + fire. + </p> + <p> + "Speak the truth, you ingrate!" cried Miss Havisham, passionately striking + her stick upon the floor; "you are tired of me." + </p> + <p> + Estella looked at her with perfect composure, and again looked down at the + fire. Her graceful figure and her beautiful face expressed a + self-possessed indifference to the wild heat of the other, that was almost + cruel. + </p> + <p> + "You stock and stone!" exclaimed Miss Havisham. "You cold, cold heart!" + </p> + <p> + "What?" said Estella, preserving her attitude of indifference as she + leaned against the great chimney-piece and only moving her eyes; "do you + reproach me for being cold? You?" + </p> + <p> + "Are you not?" was the fierce retort. + </p> + <p> + "You should know," said Estella. "I am what you have made me. Take all the + praise, take all the blame; take all the success, take all the failure; in + short, take me." + </p> + <p> + "O, look at her, look at her!" cried Miss Havisham, bitterly; "Look at her + so hard and thankless, on the hearth where she was reared! Where I took + her into this wretched breast when it was first bleeding from its stabs, + and where I have lavished years of tenderness upon her!" + </p> +<div class="fig" > + <img src="images/0295m.jpg" alt="0295m " /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/0295.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + "At least I was no party to the compact," said Estella, "for if I could + walk and speak, when it was made, it was as much as I could do. But what + would you have? You have been very good to me, and I owe everything to + you. What would you have?" + </p> + <p> + "Love," replied the other. + </p> + <p> + "You have it." + </p> + <p> + "I have not," said Miss Havisham. + </p> + <p> + "Mother by adoption," retorted Estella, never departing from the easy + grace of her attitude, never raising her voice as the other did, never + yielding either to anger or tenderness,—"mother by adoption, I have + said that I owe everything to you. All I possess is freely yours. All that + you have given me, is at your command to have again. Beyond that, I have + nothing. And if you ask me to give you, what you never gave me, my + gratitude and duty cannot do impossibilities." + </p> + <p> + "Did I never give her love!" cried Miss Havisham, turning wildly to me. + "Did I never give her a burning love, inseparable from jealousy at all + times, and from sharp pain, while she speaks thus to me! Let her call me + mad, let her call me mad!" + </p> + <p> + "Why should I call you mad," returned Estella, "I, of all people? Does any + one live, who knows what set purposes you have, half as well as I do? Does + any one live, who knows what a steady memory you have, half as well as I + do? I who have sat on this same hearth on the little stool that is even + now beside you there, learning your lessons and looking up into your face, + when your face was strange and frightened me!" + </p> + <p> + "Soon forgotten!" moaned Miss Havisham. "Times soon forgotten!" + </p> + <p> + "No, not forgotten," retorted Estella,—"not forgotten, but treasured + up in my memory. When have you found me false to your teaching? When have + you found me unmindful of your lessons? When have you found me giving + admission here," she touched her bosom with her hand, "to anything that + you excluded? Be just to me." + </p> + <p> + "So proud, so proud!" moaned Miss Havisham, pushing away her gray hair + with both her hands. + </p> + <p> + "Who taught me to be proud?" returned Estella. "Who praised me when I + learnt my lesson?" + </p> + <p> + "So hard, so hard!" moaned Miss Havisham, with her former action. + </p> + <p> + "Who taught me to be hard?" returned Estella. "Who praised me when I + learnt my lesson?" + </p> + <p> + "But to be proud and hard to <i>me</i>!" Miss Havisham quite shrieked, as she + stretched out her arms. "Estella, Estella, Estella, to be proud and hard + to <i>me</i>!" + </p> + <p> + Estella looked at her for a moment with a kind of calm wonder, but was not + otherwise disturbed; when the moment was past, she looked down at the fire + again. + </p> + <p> + "I cannot think," said Estella, raising her eyes after a silence "why you + should be so unreasonable when I come to see you after a separation. I + have never forgotten your wrongs and their causes. I have never been + unfaithful to you or your schooling. I have never shown any weakness that + I can charge myself with." + </p> + <p> + "Would it be weakness to return my love?" exclaimed Miss Havisham. "But + yes, yes, she would call it so!" + </p> + <p> + "I begin to think," said Estella, in a musing way, after another moment of + calm wonder, "that I almost understand how this comes about. If you had + brought up your adopted daughter wholly in the dark confinement of these + rooms, and had never let her know that there was such a thing as the + daylight by which she had never once seen your face,—if you had done + that, and then, for a purpose had wanted her to understand the daylight + and know all about it, you would have been disappointed and angry?" + </p> + <p> + Miss Havisham, with her head in her hands, sat making a low moaning, and + swaying herself on her chair, but gave no answer. + </p> + <p> + "Or," said Estella,—"which is a nearer case,—if you had taught + her, from the dawn of her intelligence, with your utmost energy and might, + that there was such a thing as daylight, but that it was made to be her + enemy and destroyer, and she must always turn against it, for it had + blighted you and would else blight her;—if you had done this, and + then, for a purpose, had wanted her to take naturally to the daylight and + she could not do it, you would have been disappointed and angry?" + </p> + <p> + Miss Havisham sat listening (or it seemed so, for I could not see her + face), but still made no answer. + </p> + <p> + "So," said Estella, "I must be taken as I have been made. The success is + not mine, the failure is not mine, but the two together make me." + </p> + <p> + Miss Havisham had settled down, I hardly knew how, upon the floor, among + the faded bridal relics with which it was strewn. I took advantage of the + moment—I had sought one from the first—to leave the room, + after beseeching Estella's attention to her, with a movement of my hand. + When I left, Estella was yet standing by the great chimney-piece, just as + she had stood throughout. Miss Havisham's gray hair was all adrift upon + the ground, among the other bridal wrecks, and was a miserable sight to + see. + </p> + <p> + It was with a depressed heart that I walked in the starlight for an hour + and more, about the courtyard, and about the brewery, and about the ruined + garden. When I at last took courage to return to the room, I found Estella + sitting at Miss Havisham's knee, taking up some stitches in one of those + old articles of dress that were dropping to pieces, and of which I have + often been reminded since by the faded tatters of old banners that I have + seen hanging up in cathedrals. Afterwards, Estella and I played at cards, + as of yore,—only we were skilful now, and played French games,—and + so the evening wore away, and I went to bed. + </p> + <p> + I lay in that separate building across the courtyard. It was the first + time I had ever lain down to rest in Satis House, and sleep refused to + come near me. A thousand Miss Havishams haunted me. She was on this side + of my pillow, on that, at the head of the bed, at the foot, behind the + half-opened door of the dressing-room, in the dressing-room, in the room + overhead, in the room beneath,—everywhere. At last, when the night + was slow to creep on towards two o'clock, I felt that I absolutely could + no longer bear the place as a place to lie down in, and that I must get + up. I therefore got up and put on my clothes, and went out across the yard + into the long stone passage, designing to gain the outer courtyard and + walk there for the relief of my mind. But I was no sooner in the passage + than I extinguished my candle; for I saw Miss Havisham going along it in a + ghostly manner, making a low cry. I followed her at a distance, and saw + her go up the staircase. She carried a bare candle in her hand, which she + had probably taken from one of the sconces in her own room, and was a most + unearthly object by its light. Standing at the bottom of the staircase, I + felt the mildewed air of the feast-chamber, without seeing her open the + door, and I heard her walking there, and so across into her own room, and + so across again into that, never ceasing the low cry. After a time, I + tried in the dark both to get out, and to go back, but I could do neither + until some streaks of day strayed in and showed me where to lay my hands. + During the whole interval, whenever I went to the bottom of the staircase, + I heard her footstep, saw her light pass above, and heard her ceaseless + low cry. + </p> + <p> + Before we left next day, there was no revival of the difference between + her and Estella, nor was it ever revived on any similar occasion; and + there were four similar occasions, to the best of my remembrance. Nor, did + Miss Havisham's manner towards Estella in anywise change, except that I + believed it to have something like fear infused among its former + characteristics. + </p> + <p> + It is impossible to turn this leaf of my life, without putting Bentley + Drummle's name upon it; or I would, very gladly. + </p> + <p> + On a certain occasion when the Finches were assembled in force, and when + good feeling was being promoted in the usual manner by nobody's agreeing + with anybody else, the presiding Finch called the Grove to order, + forasmuch as Mr. Drummle had not yet toasted a lady; which, according to + the solemn constitution of the society, it was the brute's turn to do that + day. I thought I saw him leer in an ugly way at me while the decanters + were going round, but as there was no love lost between us, that might + easily be. What was my indignant surprise when he called upon the company + to pledge him to "Estella!" + </p> + <p> + "Estella who?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "Never you mind," retorted Drummle. + </p> + <p> + "Estella of where?" said I. "You are bound to say of where." Which he was, + as a Finch. + </p> + <p> + "Of Richmond, gentlemen," said Drummle, putting me out of the question, + "and a peerless beauty." + </p> + <p> + Much he knew about peerless beauties, a mean, miserable idiot! I whispered + Herbert. + </p> + <p> + "I know that lady," said Herbert, across the table, when the toast had + been honored. + </p> + <p> + "<i>Do</i> you?" said Drummle. + </p> + <p> + "And so do I," I added, with a scarlet face. + </p> + <p> + "<i>Do</i> you?" said Drummle. "<i>O</i>, Lord!" + </p> + <p> + This was the only retort—except glass or crockery—that the + heavy creature was capable of making; but, I became as highly incensed by + it as if it had been barbed with wit, and I immediately rose in my place + and said that I could not but regard it as being like the honorable + Finch's impudence to come down to that Grove,—we always talked about + coming down to that Grove, as a neat Parliamentary turn of expression,—down + to that Grove, proposing a lady of whom he knew nothing. Mr. Drummle, upon + this, starting up, demanded what I meant by that? Whereupon I made him the + extreme reply that I believed he knew where I was to be found. + </p> + <p> + Whether it was possible in a Christian country to get on without blood, + after this, was a question on which the Finches were divided. The debate + upon it grew so lively, indeed, that at least six more honorable members + told six more, during the discussion, that they believed <i>they</i> knew where + <i>they</i> were to be found. However, it was decided at last (the Grove being a + Court of Honor) that if Mr. Drummle would bring never so slight a + certificate from the lady, importing that he had the honor of her + acquaintance, Mr. Pip must express his regret, as a gentleman and a Finch, + for "having been betrayed into a warmth which." Next day was appointed for + the production (lest our honor should take cold from delay), and next day + Drummle appeared with a polite little avowal in Estella's hand, that she + had had the honor of dancing with him several times. This left me no + course but to regret that I had been "betrayed into a warmth which," and + on the whole to repudiate, as untenable, the idea that I was to be found + anywhere. Drummle and I then sat snorting at one another for an hour, + while the Grove engaged in indiscriminate contradiction, and finally the + promotion of good feeling was declared to have gone ahead at an amazing + rate. + </p> + <p> + I tell this lightly, but it was no light thing to me. For, I cannot + adequately express what pain it gave me to think that Estella should show + any favor to a contemptible, clumsy, sulky booby, so very far below the + average. To the present moment, I believe it to have been referable to + some pure fire of generosity and disinterestedness in my love for her, + that I could not endure the thought of her stooping to that hound. No + doubt I should have been miserable whomsoever she had favored; but a + worthier object would have caused me a different kind and degree of + distress. + </p> + <p> + It was easy for me to find out, and I did soon find out, that Drummle had + begun to follow her closely, and that she allowed him to do it. A little + while, and he was always in pursuit of her, and he and I crossed one + another every day. He held on, in a dull persistent way, and Estella held + him on; now with encouragement, now with discouragement, now almost + flattering him, now openly despising him, now knowing him very well, now + scarcely remembering who he was. + </p> + <p> + The Spider, as Mr. Jaggers had called him, was used to lying in wait, + however, and had the patience of his tribe. Added to that, he had a + blockhead confidence in his money and in his family greatness, which + sometimes did him good service,—almost taking the place of + concentration and determined purpose. So, the Spider, doggedly watching + Estella, outwatched many brighter insects, and would often uncoil himself + and drop at the right nick of time. + </p> + <p> + At a certain Assembly Ball at Richmond (there used to be Assembly Balls at + most places then), where Estella had outshone all other beauties, this + blundering Drummle so hung about her, and with so much toleration on her + part, that I resolved to speak to her concerning him. I took the next + opportunity; which was when she was waiting for Mrs. Blandley to take her + home, and was sitting apart among some flowers, ready to go. I was with + her, for I almost always accompanied them to and from such places. + </p> + <p> + "Are you tired, Estella?" + </p> + <p> + "Rather, Pip." + </p> + <p> + "You should be." + </p> + <p> + "Say rather, I should not be; for I have my letter to Satis House to + write, before I go to sleep." + </p> + <p> + "Recounting to-night's triumph?" said I. "Surely a very poor one, + Estella." + </p> + <p> + "What do you mean? I didn't know there had been any." + </p> + <p> + "Estella," said I, "do look at that fellow in the corner yonder, who is + looking over here at us." + </p> + <p> + "Why should I look at him?" returned Estella, with her eyes on me instead. + "What is there in that fellow in the corner yonder,—to use your + words,—that I need look at?" + </p> + <p> + "Indeed, that is the very question I want to ask you," said I. "For he has + been hovering about you all night." + </p> + <p> + "Moths, and all sorts of ugly creatures," replied Estella, with a glance + towards him, "hover about a lighted candle. Can the candle help it?" + </p> + <p> + "No," I returned; "but cannot the Estella help it?" + </p> + <p> + "Well!" said she, laughing, after a moment, "perhaps. Yes. Anything you + like." + </p> + <p> + "But, Estella, do hear me speak. It makes me wretched that you should + encourage a man so generally despised as Drummle. You know he is + despised." + </p> + <p> + "Well?" said she. + </p> + <p> + "You know he is as ungainly within as without. A deficient, ill-tempered, + lowering, stupid fellow." + </p> + <p> + "Well?" said she. + </p> + <p> + "You know he has nothing to recommend him but money and a ridiculous roll + of addle-headed predecessors; now, don't you?" + </p> + <p> + "Well?" said she again; and each time she said it, she opened her lovely + eyes the wider. + </p> + <p> + To overcome the difficulty of getting past that monosyllable, I took it + from her, and said, repeating it with emphasis, "Well! Then, that is why + it makes me wretched." + </p> + <p> + Now, if I could have believed that she favored Drummle with any idea of + making me-me—wretched, I should have been in better heart about it; + but in that habitual way of hers, she put me so entirely out of the + question, that I could believe nothing of the kind. + </p> + <p> + "Pip," said Estella, casting her glance over the room, "don't be foolish + about its effect on you. It may have its effect on others, and may be + meant to have. It's not worth discussing." + </p> + <p> + "Yes it is," said I, "because I cannot bear that people should say, 'she + throws away her graces and attractions on a mere boor, the lowest in the + crowd.'" + </p> + <p> + "I can bear it," said Estella. + </p> + <p> + "Oh! don't be so proud, Estella, and so inflexible." + </p> + <p> + "Calls me proud and inflexible in this breath!" said Estella, opening her + hands. "And in his last breath reproached me for stooping to a boor!" + </p> + <p> + "There is no doubt you do," said I, something hurriedly, "for I have seen + you give him looks and smiles this very night, such as you never give to—me." + </p> + <p> + "Do you want me then," said Estella, turning suddenly with a fixed and + serious, if not angry, look, "to deceive and entrap you?" + </p> + <p> + "Do you deceive and entrap him, Estella?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, and many others,—all of them but you. Here is Mrs. Brandley. + I'll say no more." + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + And now that I have given the one chapter to the theme that so filled my + heart, and so often made it ache and ache again, I pass on unhindered, to + the event that had impended over me longer yet; the event that had begun + to be prepared for, before I knew that the world held Estella, and in the + days when her baby intelligence was receiving its first distortions from + Miss Havisham's wasting hands. + </p> + <p> + In the Eastern story, the heavy slab that was to fall on the bed of state + in the flush of conquest was slowly wrought out of the quarry, the tunnel + for the rope to hold it in its place was slowly carried through the + leagues of rock, the slab was slowly raised and fitted in the roof, the + rope was rove to it and slowly taken through the miles of hollow to the + great iron ring. All being made ready with much labor, and the hour come, + the sultan was aroused in the dead of the night, and the sharpened axe + that was to sever the rope from the great iron ring was put into his hand, + and he struck with it, and the rope parted and rushed away, and the + ceiling fell. So, in my case; all the work, near and afar, that tended to + the end, had been accomplished; and in an instant the blow was struck, and + the roof of my stronghold dropped upon me. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0039" id="link2HCH0039"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XXXIX + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span> was three-and-twenty years of age. Not another word had I heard to + enlighten me on the subject of my expectations, and my twenty-third + birthday was a week gone. We had left Barnard's Inn more than a year, and + lived in the Temple. Our chambers were in Garden-court, down by the river. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Pocket and I had for some time parted company as to our original + relations, though we continued on the best terms. Notwithstanding my + inability to settle to anything,—which I hope arose out of the + restless and incomplete tenure on which I held my means,—I had a + taste for reading, and read regularly so many hours a day. That matter of + Herbert's was still progressing, and everything with me was as I have + brought it down to the close of the last preceding chapter. + </p> + <p> + Business had taken Herbert on a journey to Marseilles. I was alone, and + had a dull sense of being alone. Dispirited and anxious, long hoping that + to-morrow or next week would clear my way, and long disappointed, I sadly + missed the cheerful face and ready response of my friend. + </p> + <p> + It was wretched weather; stormy and wet, stormy and wet; and mud, mud, + mud, deep in all the streets. Day after day, a vast heavy veil had been + driving over London from the East, and it drove still, as if in the East + there were an Eternity of cloud and wind. So furious had been the gusts, + that high buildings in town had had the lead stripped off their roofs; and + in the country, trees had been torn up, and sails of windmills carried + away; and gloomy accounts had come in from the coast, of shipwreck and + death. Violent blasts of rain had accompanied these rages of wind, and the + day just closed as I sat down to read had been the worst of all. + </p> + <p> + Alterations have been made in that part of the Temple since that time, and + it has not now so lonely a character as it had then, nor is it so exposed + to the river. We lived at the top of the last house, and the wind rushing + up the river shook the house that night, like discharges of cannon, or + breakings of a sea. When the rain came with it and dashed against the + windows, I thought, raising my eyes to them as they rocked, that I might + have fancied myself in a storm-beaten lighthouse. Occasionally, the smoke + came rolling down the chimney as though it could not bear to go out into + such a night; and when I set the doors open and looked down the staircase, + the staircase lamps were blown out; and when I shaded my face with my + hands and looked through the black windows (opening them ever so little + was out of the question in the teeth of such wind and rain), I saw that + the lamps in the court were blown out, and that the lamps on the bridges + and the shore were shuddering, and that the coal-fires in barges on the + river were being carried away before the wind like red-hot splashes in the + rain. + </p> + <p> + I read with my watch upon the table, purposing to close my book at eleven + o'clock. As I shut it, Saint Paul's, and all the many church-clocks in the + City—some leading, some accompanying, some following—struck + that hour. The sound was curiously flawed by the wind; and I was + listening, and thinking how the wind assailed and tore it, when I heard a + footstep on the stair. + </p> + <p> + What nervous folly made me start, and awfully connect it with the footstep + of my dead sister, matters not. It was past in a moment, and I listened + again, and heard the footstep stumble in coming on. Remembering then, that + the staircase-lights were blown out, I took up my reading-lamp and went + out to the stair-head. Whoever was below had stopped on seeing my lamp, + for all was quiet. + </p> + <p> + "There is some one down there, is there not?" I called out, looking down. + </p> + <p> + "Yes," said a voice from the darkness beneath. + </p> + <p> + "What floor do you want?" + </p> + <p> + "The top. Mr. Pip." + </p> + <p> + "That is my name.—There is nothing the matter?" + </p> + <p> + "Nothing the matter," returned the voice. And the man came on. + </p> + <p> + I stood with my lamp held out over the stair-rail, and he came slowly + within its light. It was a shaded lamp, to shine upon a book, and its + circle of light was very contracted; so that he was in it for a mere + instant, and then out of it. In the instant, I had seen a face that was + strange to me, looking up with an incomprehensible air of being touched + and pleased by the sight of me. + </p> + <p> + Moving the lamp as the man moved, I made out that he was substantially + dressed, but roughly, like a voyager by sea. That he had long iron-gray + hair. That his age was about sixty. That he was a muscular man, strong on + his legs, and that he was browned and hardened by exposure to weather. As + he ascended the last stair or two, and the light of my lamp included us + both, I saw, with a stupid kind of amazement, that he was holding out both + his hands to me. + </p> + <p> + "Pray what is your business?" I asked him. + </p> + <p> + "My business?" he repeated, pausing. "Ah! Yes. I will explain my business, + by your leave." + </p> + <p> + "Do you wish to come in?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes," he replied; "I wish to come in, master." + </p> + <p> + I had asked him the question inhospitably enough, for I resented the sort + of bright and gratified recognition that still shone in his face. I + resented it, because it seemed to imply that he expected me to respond to + it. But I took him into the room I had just left, and, having set the lamp + on the table, asked him as civilly as I could to explain himself. + </p> + <p> + He looked about him with the strangest air,—an air of wondering + pleasure, as if he had some part in the things he admired,—and he + pulled off a rough outer coat, and his hat. Then, I saw that his head was + furrowed and bald, and that the long iron-gray hair grew only on its + sides. But, I saw nothing that in the least explained him. On the + contrary, I saw him next moment, once more holding out both his hands to + me. + </p> + <p> + "What do you mean?" said I, half suspecting him to be mad. + </p> + <p> + He stopped in his looking at me, and slowly rubbed his right hand over his + head. "It's disapinting to a man," he said, in a coarse broken voice, + "arter having looked for'ard so distant, and come so fur; but you're not + to blame for that,—neither on us is to blame for that. I'll speak in + half a minute. Give me half a minute, please." + </p> + <p> + He sat down on a chair that stood before the fire, and covered his + forehead with his large brown veinous hands. I looked at him attentively + then, and recoiled a little from him; but I did not know him. + </p> + <p> + "There's no one nigh," said he, looking over his shoulder; "is there?" + </p> + <p> + "Why do you, a stranger coming into my rooms at this time of the night, + ask that question?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "You're a game one," he returned, shaking his head at me with a deliberate + affection, at once most unintelligible and most exasperating; "I'm glad + you've grow'd up, a game one! But don't catch hold of me. You'd be sorry + arterwards to have done it." + </p> + <p> + I relinquished the intention he had detected, for I knew him! Even yet I + could not recall a single feature, but I knew him! If the wind and the + rain had driven away the intervening years, had scattered all the + intervening objects, had swept us to the churchyard where we first stood + face to face on such different levels, I could not have known my convict + more distinctly than I knew him now as he sat in the chair before the + fire. No need to take a file from his pocket and show it to me; no need to + take the handkerchief from his neck and twist it round his head; no need + to hug himself with both his arms, and take a shivering turn across the + room, looking back at me for recognition. I knew him before he gave me one + of those aids, though, a moment before, I had not been conscious of + remotely suspecting his identity. + </p> + <p> + He came back to where I stood, and again held out both his hands. Not + knowing what to do,—for, in my astonishment I had lost my + self-possession,—I reluctantly gave him my hands. He grasped them + heartily, raised them to his lips, kissed them, and still held them. + </p> + <p> + "You acted noble, my boy," said he. "Noble, Pip! And I have never forgot + it!" + </p> + <p> + At a change in his manner as if he were even going to embrace me, I laid a + hand upon his breast and put him away. + </p> + <p> + "Stay!" said I. "Keep off! If you are grateful to me for what I did when I + was a little child, I hope you have shown your gratitude by mending your + way of life. If you have come here to thank me, it was not necessary. + Still, however you have found me out, there must be something good in the + feeling that has brought you here, and I will not repulse you; but surely + you must understand that—I—" + </p> + <p> + My attention was so attracted by the singularity of his fixed look at me, + that the words died away on my tongue. + </p> + <p> + "You was a saying," he observed, when we had confronted one another in + silence, "that surely I must understand. What, surely must I understand?" + </p> + <p> + "That I cannot wish to renew that chance intercourse with you of long ago, + under these different circumstances. I am glad to believe you have + repented and recovered yourself. I am glad to tell you so. I am glad that, + thinking I deserve to be thanked, you have come to thank me. But our ways + are different ways, none the less. You are wet, and you look weary. Will + you drink something before you go?" + </p> + <p> + He had replaced his neckerchief loosely, and had stood, keenly observant + of me, biting a long end of it. "I think," he answered, still with the end + at his mouth and still observant of me, "that I <i>will</i> drink (I thank you) + afore I go." + </p> + <p> + There was a tray ready on a side-table. I brought it to the table near the + fire, and asked him what he would have? He touched one of the bottles + without looking at it or speaking, and I made him some hot rum and water. + I tried to keep my hand steady while I did so, but his look at me as he + leaned back in his chair with the long draggled end of his neckerchief + between his teeth—evidently forgotten—made my hand very + difficult to master. When at last I put the glass to him, I saw with + amazement that his eyes were full of tears. + </p> + <p> + Up to this time I had remained standing, not to disguise that I wished him + gone. But I was softened by the softened aspect of the man, and felt a + touch of reproach. "I hope," said I, hurriedly putting something into a + glass for myself, and drawing a chair to the table, "that you will not + think I spoke harshly to you just now. I had no intention of doing it, and + I am sorry for it if I did. I wish you well and happy!" + </p> + <p> + As I put my glass to my lips, he glanced with surprise at the end of his + neckerchief, dropping from his mouth when he opened it, and stretched out + his hand. I gave him mine, and then he drank, and drew his sleeve across + his eyes and forehead. + </p> + <p> + "How are you living?" I asked him. + </p> + <p> + "I've been a sheep-farmer, stock-breeder, other trades besides, away in + the new world," said he; "many a thousand mile of stormy water off from + this." + </p> + <p> + "I hope you have done well?" + </p> + <p> + "I've done wonderfully well. There's others went out alonger me as has + done well too, but no man has done nigh as well as me. I'm famous for it." + </p> + <p> + "I am glad to hear it." + </p> + <p> + "I hope to hear you say so, my dear boy." + </p> + <p> + Without stopping to try to understand those words or the tone in which + they were spoken, I turned off to a point that had just come into my mind. + </p> + <p> + "Have you ever seen a messenger you once sent to me," I inquired, "since + he undertook that trust?" + </p> + <p> + "Never set eyes upon him. I warn't likely to it." + </p> + <p> + "He came faithfully, and he brought me the two one-pound notes. I was a + poor boy then, as you know, and to a poor boy they were a little fortune. + But, like you, I have done well since, and you must let me pay them back. + You can put them to some other poor boy's use." I took out my purse. + </p> + <p> + He watched me as I laid my purse upon the table and opened it, and he + watched me as I separated two one-pound notes from its contents. They were + clean and new, and I spread them out and handed them over to him. Still + watching me, he laid them one upon the other, folded them long-wise, gave + them a twist, set fire to them at the lamp, and dropped the ashes into the + tray. + </p> + <p> + "May I make so bold," he said then, with a smile that was like a frown, + and with a frown that was like a smile, "as ask you <i>how</i> you have done + well, since you and me was out on them lone shivering marshes?" + </p> + <p> + "How?" + </p> + <p> + "Ah!" + </p> + <p> + He emptied his glass, got up, and stood at the side of the fire, with his + heavy brown hand on the mantel-shelf. He put a foot up to the bars, to dry + and warm it, and the wet boot began to steam; but, he neither looked at + it, nor at the fire, but steadily looked at me. It was only now that I + began to tremble. + </p> + <p> + When my lips had parted, and had shaped some words that were without + sound, I forced myself to tell him (though I could not do it distinctly), + that I had been chosen to succeed to some property. + </p> + <p> + "Might a mere warmint ask what property?" said he. + </p> + <p> + I faltered, "I don't know." + </p> + <p> + "Might a mere warmint ask whose property?" said he. + </p> + <p> + I faltered again, "I don't know." + </p> + <p> + "Could I make a guess, I wonder," said the Convict, "at your income since + you come of age! As to the first figure now. Five?" + </p> + <p> + With my heart beating like a heavy hammer of disordered action, I rose out + of my chair, and stood with my hand upon the back of it, looking wildly at + him. + </p> + <p> + "Concerning a guardian," he went on. "There ought to have been some + guardian, or such-like, whiles you was a minor. Some lawyer, maybe. As to + the first letter of that lawyer's name now. Would it be J?" + </p> + <p> + All the truth of my position came flashing on me; and its disappointments, + dangers, disgraces, consequences of all kinds, rushed in in such a + multitude that I was borne down by them and had to struggle for every + breath I drew. + </p> + <p> + "Put it," he resumed, "as the employer of that lawyer whose name begun + with a J, and might be Jaggers,—put it as he had come over sea to + Portsmouth, and had landed there, and had wanted to come on to you. + 'However, you have found me out,' you says just now. Well! However, did I + find you out? Why, I wrote from Portsmouth to a person in London, for + particulars of your address. That person's name? Why, Wemmick." + </p> + <p> + I could not have spoken one word, though it had been to save my life. I + stood, with a hand on the chair-back and a hand on my breast, where I + seemed to be suffocating,—I stood so, looking wildly at him, until I + grasped at the chair, when the room began to surge and turn. He caught me, + drew me to the sofa, put me up against the cushions, and bent on one knee + before me, bringing the face that I now well remembered, and that I + shuddered at, very near to mine. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, Pip, dear boy, I've made a gentleman on you! It's me wot has done + it! I swore that time, sure as ever I earned a guinea, that guinea should + go to you. I swore arterwards, sure as ever I spec'lated and got rich, you + should get rich. I lived rough, that you should live smooth; I worked + hard, that you should be above work. What odds, dear boy? Do I tell it, + fur you to feel a obligation? Not a bit. I tell it, fur you to know as + that there hunted dunghill dog wot you kep life in, got his head so high + that he could make a gentleman,—and, Pip, you're him!" + </p> + <p> + The abhorrence in which I held the man, the dread I had of him, the + repugnance with which I shrank from him, could not have been exceeded if + he had been some terrible beast. + </p> + <p> + "Look'ee here, Pip. I'm your second father. You're my son,—more to + me nor any son. I've put away money, only for you to spend. When I was a + hired-out shepherd in a solitary hut, not seeing no faces but faces of + sheep till I half forgot wot men's and women's faces wos like, I see + yourn. I drops my knife many a time in that hut when I was a-eating my + dinner or my supper, and I says, 'Here's the boy again, a looking at me + whiles I eats and drinks!' I see you there a many times, as plain as ever + I see you on them misty marshes. 'Lord strike me dead!' I says each time,—and + I goes out in the air to say it under the open heavens,—'but wot, if + I gets liberty and money, I'll make that boy a gentleman!' And I done it. + Why, look at you, dear boy! Look at these here lodgings o'yourn, fit for a + lord! A lord? Ah! You shall show money with lords for wagers, and beat + 'em!" + </p> + <p> + In his heat and triumph, and in his knowledge that I had been nearly + fainting, he did not remark on my reception of all this. It was the one + grain of relief I had. + </p> + <p> + "Look'ee here!" he went on, taking my watch out of my pocket, and turning + towards him a ring on my finger, while I recoiled from his touch as if he + had been a snake, "a gold 'un and a beauty: <i>that's</i> a gentleman's, I hope! + A diamond all set round with rubies; <i>that's</i> a gentleman's, I hope! Look at + your linen; fine and beautiful! Look at your clothes; better ain't to be + got! And your books too," turning his eyes round the room, "mounting up, + on their shelves, by hundreds! And you read 'em; don't you? I see you'd + been a reading of 'em when I come in. Ha, ha, ha! You shall read 'em to + me, dear boy! And if they're in foreign languages wot I don't understand, + I shall be just as proud as if I did." + </p> + <p> + Again he took both my hands and put them to his lips, while my blood ran + cold within me. + </p> + <p> + "Don't you mind talking, Pip," said he, after again drawing his sleeve + over his eyes and forehead, as the click came in his throat which I well + remembered,—and he was all the more horrible to me that he was so + much in earnest; "you can't do better nor keep quiet, dear boy. You ain't + looked slowly forward to this as I have; you wosn't prepared for this as I + wos. But didn't you never think it might be me?" + </p> + <p> + "O no, no, no," I returned, "Never, never!" + </p> + <p> + "Well, you see it <i>wos</i> me, and single-handed. Never a soul in it but my own + self and Mr. Jaggers." + </p> + <p> + "Was there no one else?" I asked. + </p> + <p> + "No," said he, with a glance of surprise: "who else should there be? And, + dear boy, how good looking you have growed! There's bright eyes somewheres—eh? + Isn't there bright eyes somewheres, wot you love the thoughts on?" + </p> + <p> + O Estella, Estella! + </p> + <p> + "They shall be yourn, dear boy, if money can buy 'em. Not that a gentleman + like you, so well set up as you, can't win 'em off of his own game; but + money shall back you! Let me finish wot I was a telling you, dear boy. + From that there hut and that there hiring-out, I got money left me by my + master (which died, and had been the same as me), and got my liberty and + went for myself. In every single thing I went for, I went for you. 'Lord + strike a blight upon it,' I says, wotever it was I went for, 'if it ain't + for him!' It all prospered wonderful. As I giv' you to understand just + now, I'm famous for it. It was the money left me, and the gains of the + first few year wot I sent home to Mr. Jaggers—all for you—when + he first come arter you, agreeable to my letter." + </p> + <p> + O that he had never come! That he had left me at the forge,—far from + contented, yet, by comparison happy! + </p> + <p> + "And then, dear boy, it was a recompense to me, look'ee here, to know in + secret that I was making a gentleman. The blood horses of them colonists + might fling up the dust over me as I was walking; what do I say? I says to + myself, 'I'm making a better gentleman nor ever <i>you</i>'ll be!' When one of + 'em says to another, 'He was a convict, a few year ago, and is a ignorant + common fellow now, for all he's lucky,' what do I say? I says to myself, + 'If I ain't a gentleman, nor yet ain't got no learning, I'm the owner of + such. All on you owns stock and land; which on you owns a brought-up + London gentleman?' This way I kep myself a going. And this way I held + steady afore my mind that I would for certain come one day and see my boy, + and make myself known to him, on his own ground." + </p> + <p> + He laid his hand on my shoulder. I shuddered at the thought that for + anything I knew, his hand might be stained with blood. + </p> + <p> + "It warn't easy, Pip, for me to leave them parts, nor yet it warn't safe. + But I held to it, and the harder it was, the stronger I held, for I was + determined, and my mind firm made up. At last I done it. Dear boy, I done + it!" + </p> + <p> + I tried to collect my thoughts, but I was stunned. Throughout, I had + seemed to myself to attend more to the wind and the rain than to him; even + now, I could not separate his voice from those voices, though those were + loud and his was silent. + </p> + <p> + "Where will you put me?" he asked, presently. "I must be put somewheres, + dear boy." + </p> + <p> + "To sleep?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "Yes. And to sleep long and sound," he answered; "for I've been sea-tossed + and sea-washed, months and months." + </p> + <p> + "My friend and companion," said I, rising from the sofa, "is absent; you + must have his room." + </p> + <p> + "He won't come back to-morrow; will he?" + </p> + <p> + "No," said I, answering almost mechanically, in spite of my utmost + efforts; "not to-morrow." + </p> + <p> + "Because, look'ee here, dear boy," he said, dropping his voice, and laying + a long finger on my breast in an impressive manner, "caution is + necessary." + </p> + <p> + "How do you mean? Caution?" + </p> + <p> + "By G——, it's Death!" + </p> + <p> + "What's death?" + </p> + <p> + "I was sent for life. It's death to come back. There's been overmuch + coming back of late years, and I should of a certainty be hanged if took." + </p> + <p> + Nothing was needed but this; the wretched man, after loading wretched me + with his gold and silver chains for years, had risked his life to come to + me, and I held it there in my keeping! If I had loved him instead of + abhorring him; if I had been attracted to him by the strongest admiration + and affection, instead of shrinking from him with the strongest + repugnance; it could have been no worse. On the contrary, it would have + been better, for his preservation would then have naturally and tenderly + addressed my heart. + </p> + <p> + My first care was to close the shutters, so that no light might be seen + from without, and then to close and make fast the doors. While I did so, + he stood at the table drinking rum and eating biscuit; and when I saw him + thus engaged, I saw my convict on the marshes at his meal again. It almost + seemed to me as if he must stoop down presently, to file at his leg. + </p> + <p> + When I had gone into Herbert's room, and had shut off any other + communication between it and the staircase than through the room in which + our conversation had been held, I asked him if he would go to bed? He said + yes, but asked me for some of my "gentleman's linen" to put on in the + morning. I brought it out, and laid it ready for him, and my blood again + ran cold when he again took me by both hands to give me good night. + </p> + <p> + I got away from him, without knowing how I did it, and mended the fire in + the room where we had been together, and sat down by it, afraid to go to + bed. For an hour or more, I remained too stunned to think; and it was not + until I began to think, that I began fully to know how wrecked I was, and + how the ship in which I had sailed was gone to pieces. + </p> + <p> + Miss Havisham's intentions towards me, all a mere dream; Estella not + designed for me; I only suffered in Satis House as a convenience, a sting + for the greedy relations, a model with a mechanical heart to practise on + when no other practice was at hand; those were the first smarts I had. + But, sharpest and deepest pain of all,—it was for the convict, + guilty of I knew not what crimes, and liable to be taken out of those + rooms where I sat thinking, and hanged at the Old Bailey door, that I had + deserted Joe. + </p> + <p> + I would not have gone back to Joe now, I would not have gone back to Biddy + now, for any consideration; simply, I suppose, because my sense of my own + worthless conduct to them was greater than every consideration. No wisdom + on earth could have given me the comfort that I should have derived from + their simplicity and fidelity; but I could never, never, undo what I had + done. + </p> + <p> + In every rage of wind and rush of rain, I heard pursuers. Twice, I could + have sworn there was a knocking and whispering at the outer door. With + these fears upon me, I began either to imagine or recall that I had had + mysterious warnings of this man's approach. That, for weeks gone by, I had + passed faces in the streets which I had thought like his. That these + likenesses had grown more numerous, as he, coming over the sea, had drawn + nearer. That his wicked spirit had somehow sent these messengers to mine, + and that now on this stormy night he was as good as his word, and with me. + </p> + <p> + Crowding up with these reflections came the reflection that I had seen him + with my childish eyes to be a desperately violent man; that I had heard + that other convict reiterate that he had tried to murder him; that I had + seen him down in the ditch tearing and fighting like a wild beast. Out of + such remembrances I brought into the light of the fire a half-formed + terror that it might not be safe to be shut up there with him in the dead + of the wild solitary night. This dilated until it filled the room, and + impelled me to take a candle and go in and look at my dreadful burden. + </p> + <p> + He had rolled a handkerchief round his head, and his face was set and + lowering in his sleep. But he was asleep, and quietly too, though he had a + pistol lying on the pillow. Assured of this, I softly removed the key to + the outside of his door, and turned it on him before I again sat down by + the fire. Gradually I slipped from the chair and lay on the floor. When I + awoke without having parted in my sleep with the perception of my + wretchedness, the clocks of the Eastward churches were striking five, the + candles were wasted out, the fire was dead, and the wind and rain + intensified the thick black darkness. + </p> + <p> + THIS IS THE END OF THE SECOND STAGE OF PIP'S EXPECTATIONS. <a + name="link2HCH0040" id="link2HCH0040"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XL + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span>t was fortunate for me that I had to take precautions to ensure (so far + as I could) the safety of my dreaded visitor; for, this thought pressing + on me when I awoke, held other thoughts in a confused concourse at a + distance. + </p> + <p> + The impossibility of keeping him concealed in the chambers was + self-evident. It could not be done, and the attempt to do it would + inevitably engender suspicion. True, I had no Avenger in my service now, + but I was looked after by an inflammatory old female, assisted by an + animated rag-bag whom she called her niece, and to keep a room secret from + them would be to invite curiosity and exaggeration. They both had weak + eyes, which I had long attributed to their chronically looking in at + keyholes, and they were always at hand when not wanted; indeed that was + their only reliable quality besides larceny. Not to get up a mystery with + these people, I resolved to announce in the morning that my uncle had + unexpectedly come from the country. + </p> + <p> + This course I decided on while I was yet groping about in the darkness for + the means of getting a light. Not stumbling on the means after all, I was + fain to go out to the adjacent Lodge and get the watchman there to come + with his lantern. Now, in groping my way down the black staircase I fell + over something, and that something was a man crouching in a corner. + </p> + <p> + As the man made no answer when I asked him what he did there, but eluded + my touch in silence, I ran to the Lodge and urged the watchman to come + quickly; telling him of the incident on the way back. The wind being as + fierce as ever, we did not care to endanger the light in the lantern by + rekindling the extinguished lamps on the staircase, but we examined the + staircase from the bottom to the top and found no one there. It then + occurred to me as possible that the man might have slipped into my rooms; + so, lighting my candle at the watchman's, and leaving him standing at the + door, I examined them carefully, including the room in which my dreaded + guest lay asleep. All was quiet, and assuredly no other man was in those + chambers. + </p> + <p> + It troubled me that there should have been a lurker on the stairs, on that + night of all nights in the year, and I asked the watchman, on the chance + of eliciting some hopeful explanation as I handed him a dram at the door, + whether he had admitted at his gate any gentleman who had perceptibly been + dining out? Yes, he said; at different times of the night, three. One + lived in Fountain Court, and the other two lived in the Lane, and he had + seen them all go home. Again, the only other man who dwelt in the house of + which my chambers formed a part had been in the country for some weeks, + and he certainly had not returned in the night, because we had seen his + door with his seal on it as we came up-stairs. + </p> + <p> + "The night being so bad, sir," said the watchman, as he gave me back my + glass, "uncommon few have come in at my gate. Besides them three gentlemen + that I have named, I don't call to mind another since about eleven + o'clock, when a stranger asked for you." + </p> + <p> + "My uncle," I muttered. "Yes." + </p> + <p> + "You saw him, sir?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes. Oh yes." + </p> + <p> + "Likewise the person with him?" + </p> + <p> + "Person with him!" I repeated. + </p> + <p> + "I judged the person to be with him," returned the watchman. "The person + stopped, when he stopped to make inquiry of me, and the person took this + way when he took this way." + </p> + <p> + "What sort of person?" + </p> + <p> + The watchman had not particularly noticed; he should say a working person; + to the best of his belief, he had a dust-colored kind of clothes on, under + a dark coat. The watchman made more light of the matter than I did, and + naturally; not having my reason for attaching weight to it. + </p> + <p> + When I had got rid of him, which I thought it well to do without + prolonging explanations, my mind was much troubled by these two + circumstances taken together. Whereas they were easy of innocent solution + apart,—as, for instance, some diner out or diner at home, who had + not gone near this watchman's gate, might have strayed to my staircase and + dropped asleep there,—and my nameless visitor might have brought + some one with him to show him the way,—still, joined, they had an + ugly look to one as prone to distrust and fear as the changes of a few + hours had made me. + </p> + <p> + I lighted my fire, which burnt with a raw pale flare at that time of the + morning, and fell into a doze before it. I seemed to have been dozing a + whole night when the clocks struck six. As there was full an hour and a + half between me and daylight, I dozed again; now, waking up uneasily, with + prolix conversations about nothing, in my ears; now, making thunder of the + wind in the chimney; at length, falling off into a profound sleep from + which the daylight woke me with a start. + </p> + <p> + All this time I had never been able to consider my own situation, nor + could I do so yet. I had not the power to attend to it. I was greatly + dejected and distressed, but in an incoherent wholesale sort of way. As to + forming any plan for the future, I could as soon have formed an elephant. + When I opened the shutters and looked out at the wet wild morning, all of + a leaden hue; when I walked from room to room; when I sat down again + shivering, before the fire, waiting for my laundress to appear; I thought + how miserable I was, but hardly knew why, or how long I had been so, or on + what day of the week I made the reflection, or even who I was that made + it. + </p> + <p> + At last, the old woman and the niece came in,—the latter with a head + not easily distinguishable from her dusty broom,—and testified + surprise at sight of me and the fire. To whom I imparted how my uncle had + come in the night and was then asleep, and how the breakfast preparations + were to be modified accordingly. Then I washed and dressed while they + knocked the furniture about and made a dust; and so, in a sort of dream or + sleep-waking, I found myself sitting by the fire again, waiting for—Him—to + come to breakfast. + </p> + <p> + By and by, his door opened and he came out. I could not bring myself to + bear the sight of him, and I thought he had a worse look by daylight. + </p> + <p> + "I do not even know," said I, speaking low as he took his seat at the + table, "by what name to call you. I have given out that you are my uncle." + </p> + <p> + "That's it, dear boy! Call me uncle." + </p> + <p> + "You assumed some name, I suppose, on board ship?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, dear boy. I took the name of Provis." + </p> + <p> + "Do you mean to keep that name?" + </p> + <p> + "Why, yes, dear boy, it's as good as another,—unless you'd like + another." + </p> + <p> + "What is your real name?" I asked him in a whisper. + </p> + <p> + "Magwitch," he answered, in the same tone; "chrisen'd Abel." + </p> + <p> + "What were you brought up to be?" + </p> + <p> + "A warmint, dear boy." + </p> + <p> + He answered quite seriously, and used the word as if it denoted some + profession. + </p> + <p> + "When you came into the Temple last night—" said I, pausing to + wonder whether that could really have been last night, which seemed so + long ago. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, dear boy?" + </p> + <p> + "When you came in at the gate and asked the watchman the way here, had you + any one with you?" + </p> + <p> + "With me? No, dear boy." + </p> + <p> + "But there was some one there?" + </p> + <p> + "I didn't take particular notice," he said, dubiously, "not knowing the + ways of the place. But I think there <i>was</i> a person, too, come in alonger + me." + </p> + <p> + "Are you known in London?" + </p> + <p> + "I hope not!" said he, giving his neck a jerk with his forefinger that + made me turn hot and sick. + </p> + <p> + "Were you known in London, once?" + </p> + <p> + "Not over and above, dear boy. I was in the provinces mostly." + </p> + <p> + "Were you—tried—in London?" + </p> + <p> + "Which time?" said he, with a sharp look. + </p> + <p> + "The last time." + </p> + <p> + He nodded. "First knowed Mr. Jaggers that way. Jaggers was for me." + </p> + <p> + It was on my lips to ask him what he was tried for, but he took up a + knife, gave it a flourish, and with the words, "And what I done is worked + out and paid for!" fell to at his breakfast. + </p> + <p> + He ate in a ravenous way that was very disagreeable, and all his actions + were uncouth, noisy, and greedy. Some of his teeth had failed him since I + saw him eat on the marshes, and as he turned his food in his mouth, and + turned his head sideways to bring his strongest fangs to bear upon it, he + looked terribly like a hungry old dog. If I had begun with any appetite, + he would have taken it away, and I should have sat much as I did,—repelled + from him by an insurmountable aversion, and gloomily looking at the cloth. + </p> + <p> + "I'm a heavy grubber, dear boy," he said, as a polite kind of apology when + he made an end of his meal, "but I always was. If it had been in my + constitution to be a lighter grubber, I might ha' got into lighter + trouble. Similarly, I must have my smoke. When I was first hired out as + shepherd t'other side the world, it's my belief I should ha' turned into a + molloncolly-mad sheep myself, if I hadn't a had my smoke." + </p> + <p> + As he said so, he got up from table, and putting his hand into the breast + of the pea-coat he wore, brought out a short black pipe, and a handful of + loose tobacco of the kind that is called Negro-head. Having filled his + pipe, he put the surplus tobacco back again, as if his pocket were a + drawer. Then, he took a live coal from the fire with the tongs, and + lighted his pipe at it, and then turned round on the hearth-rug with his + back to the fire, and went through his favorite action of holding out both + his hands for mine. + </p> + <p> + "And this," said he, dandling my hands up and down in his, as he puffed at + his pipe,—"and this is the gentleman what I made! The real genuine + One! It does me good fur to look at you, Pip. All I stip'late, is, to + stand by and look at you, dear boy!" + </p> + <p> + I released my hands as soon as I could, and found that I was beginning + slowly to settle down to the contemplation of my condition. What I was + chained to, and how heavily, became intelligible to me, as I heard his + hoarse voice, and sat looking up at his furrowed bald head with its iron + gray hair at the sides. + </p> + <p> + "I mustn't see my gentleman a footing it in the mire of the streets; there + mustn't be no mud on <i>his</i> boots. My gentleman must have horses, Pip! Horses + to ride, and horses to drive, and horses for his servant to ride and drive + as well. Shall colonists have their horses (and blood 'uns, if you please, + good Lord!) and not my London gentleman? No, no. We'll show 'em another + pair of shoes than that, Pip; won't us?" + </p> + <p> + He took out of his pocket a great thick pocket-book, bursting with papers, + and tossed it on the table. + </p> + <p> + "There's something worth spending in that there book, dear boy. It's + yourn. All I've got ain't mine; it's yourn. Don't you be afeerd on it. + There's more where that come from. I've come to the old country fur to see + my gentleman spend his money <i>like</i> a gentleman. That'll be <i>my</i> pleasure. <i>My</i> + pleasure 'ull be fur to see him do it. And blast you all!" he wound up, + looking round the room and snapping his fingers once with a loud snap, + "blast you every one, from the judge in his wig, to the colonist a + stirring up the dust, I'll show a better gentleman than the whole kit on + you put together!" + </p> + <p> + "Stop!" said I, almost in a frenzy of fear and dislike, "I want to speak + to you. I want to know what is to be done. I want to know how you are to + be kept out of danger, how long you are going to stay, what projects you + have." + </p> + <p> + "Look'ee here, Pip," said he, laying his hand on my arm in a suddenly + altered and subdued manner; "first of all, look'ee here. I forgot myself + half a minute ago. What I said was low; that's what it was; low. Look'ee + here, Pip. Look over it. I ain't a going to be low." + </p> + <p> + "First," I resumed, half groaning, "what precautions can be taken against + your being recognized and seized?" + </p> + <p> + "No, dear boy," he said, in the same tone as before, "that don't go first. + Lowness goes first. I ain't took so many year to make a gentleman, not + without knowing what's due to him. Look'ee here, Pip. I was low; that's + what I was; low. Look over it, dear boy." + </p> + <p> + Some sense of the grimly-ludicrous moved me to a fretful laugh, as I + replied, "I <i>have</i> looked over it. In Heaven's name, don't harp upon it!" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, but look'ee here," he persisted. "Dear boy, I ain't come so fur, not + fur to be low. Now, go on, dear boy. You was a saying—" + </p> + <p> + "How are you to be guarded from the danger you have incurred?" + </p> + <p> + "Well, dear boy, the danger ain't so great. Without I was informed agen, + the danger ain't so much to signify. There's Jaggers, and there's Wemmick, + and there's you. Who else is there to inform?" + </p> + <p> + "Is there no chance person who might identify you in the street?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "Well," he returned, "there ain't many. Nor yet I don't intend to + advertise myself in the newspapers by the name of A.M. come back from + Botany Bay; and years have rolled away, and who's to gain by it? Still, + look'ee here, Pip. If the danger had been fifty times as great, I should + ha' come to see you, mind you, just the same." + </p> + <p> + "And how long do you remain?" + </p> + <p> + "How long?" said he, taking his black pipe from his mouth, and dropping + his jaw as he stared at me. "I'm not a going back. I've come for good." + </p> + <p> + "Where are you to live?" said I. "What is to be done with you? Where will + you be safe?" + </p> + <p> + "Dear boy," he returned, "there's disguising wigs can be bought for money, + and there's hair powder, and spectacles, and black clothes,—shorts + and what not. Others has done it safe afore, and what others has done + afore, others can do agen. As to the where and how of living, dear boy, + give me your own opinions on it." + </p> + <p> + "You take it smoothly now," said I, "but you were very serious last night, + when you swore it was Death." + </p> + <p> + "And so I swear it is Death," said he, putting his pipe back in his mouth, + "and Death by the rope, in the open street not fur from this, and it's + serious that you should fully understand it to be so. What then, when + that's once done? Here I am. To go back now 'ud be as bad as to stand + ground—worse. Besides, Pip, I'm here, because I've meant it by you, + years and years. As to what I dare, I'm a old bird now, as has dared all + manner of traps since first he was fledged, and I'm not afeerd to perch + upon a scarecrow. If there's Death hid inside of it, there is, and let him + come out, and I'll face him, and then I'll believe in him and not afore. + And now let me have a look at my gentleman agen." + </p> + <p> + Once more, he took me by both hands and surveyed me with an air of + admiring proprietorship: smoking with great complacency all the while. + </p> + <p> + It appeared to me that I could do no better than secure him some quiet + lodging hard by, of which he might take possession when Herbert returned: + whom I expected in two or three days. That the secret must be confided to + Herbert as a matter of unavoidable necessity, even if I could have put the + immense relief I should derive from sharing it with him out of the + question, was plain to me. But it was by no means so plain to Mr. Provis + (I resolved to call him by that name), who reserved his consent to + Herbert's participation until he should have seen him and formed a + favorable judgment of his physiognomy. "And even then, dear boy," said he, + pulling a greasy little clasped black Testament out of his pocket, "we'll + have him on his oath." + </p> + <p> + To state that my terrible patron carried this little black book about the + world solely to swear people on in cases of emergency, would be to state + what I never quite established; but this I can say, that I never knew him + put it to any other use. The book itself had the appearance of having been + stolen from some court of justice, and perhaps his knowledge of its + antecedents, combined with his own experience in that wise, gave him a + reliance on its powers as a sort of legal spell or charm. On this first + occasion of his producing it, I recalled how he had made me swear fidelity + in the churchyard long ago, and how he had described himself last night as + always swearing to his resolutions in his solitude. + </p> + <p> + As he was at present dressed in a seafaring slop suit, in which he looked + as if he had some parrots and cigars to dispose of, I next discussed with + him what dress he should wear. He cherished an extraordinary belief in the + virtues of "shorts" as a disguise, and had in his own mind sketched a + dress for himself that would have made him something between a dean and a + dentist. It was with considerable difficulty that I won him over to the + assumption of a dress more like a prosperous farmer's; and we arranged + that he should cut his hair close, and wear a little powder. Lastly, as he + had not yet been seen by the laundress or her niece, he was to keep + himself out of their view until his change of dress was made. + </p> + <p> + It would seem a simple matter to decide on these precautions; but in my + dazed, not to say distracted, state, it took so long, that I did not get + out to further them until two or three in the afternoon. He was to remain + shut up in the chambers while I was gone, and was on no account to open + the door. + </p> + <p> + There being to my knowledge a respectable lodging-house in Essex Street, + the back of which looked into the Temple, and was almost within hail of my + windows, I first of all repaired to that house, and was so fortunate as to + secure the second floor for my uncle, Mr. Provis. I then went from shop to + shop, making such purchases as were necessary to the change in his + appearance. This business transacted, I turned my face, on my own account, + to Little Britain. Mr. Jaggers was at his desk, but, seeing me enter, got + up immediately and stood before his fire. + </p> + <p> + "Now, Pip," said he, "be careful." + </p> + <p> + "I will, sir," I returned. For, coming along I had thought well of what I + was going to say. + </p> + <p> + "Don't commit yourself," said Mr. Jaggers, "and don't commit any one. You + understand—any one. Don't tell me anything: I don't want to know + anything; I am not curious." + </p> + <p> + Of course I saw that he knew the man was come. + </p> + <p> + "I merely want, Mr. Jaggers," said I, "to assure myself that what I have + been told is true. I have no hope of its being untrue, but at least I may + verify it." + </p> + <p> + Mr. Jaggers nodded. "But did you say 'told' or 'informed'?" he asked me, + with his head on one side, and not looking at me, but looking in a + listening way at the floor. "Told would seem to imply verbal + communication. You can't have verbal communication with a man in New South + Wales, you know." + </p> + <p> + "I will say, informed, Mr. Jaggers." + </p> + <p> + "Good." + </p> + <p> + "I have been informed by a person named Abel Magwitch, that he is the + benefactor so long unknown to me." + </p> + <p> + "That is the man," said Mr. Jaggers, "in New South Wales." + </p> + <p> + "And only he?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "And only he," said Mr. Jaggers. + </p> + <p> + "I am not so unreasonable, sir, as to think you at all responsible for my + mistakes and wrong conclusions; but I always supposed it was Miss + Havisham." + </p> + <p> + "As you say, Pip," returned Mr. Jaggers, turning his eyes upon me coolly, + and taking a bite at his forefinger, "I am not at all responsible for + that." + </p> + <p> + "And yet it looked so like it, sir," I pleaded with a downcast heart. + </p> + <p> + "Not a particle of evidence, Pip," said Mr. Jaggers, shaking his head and + gathering up his skirts. "Take nothing on its looks; take everything on + evidence. There's no better rule." + </p> + <p> + "I have no more to say," said I, with a sigh, after standing silent for a + little while. "I have verified my information, and there's an end." + </p> + <p> + "And Magwitch—in New South Wales—having at last disclosed + himself," said Mr. Jaggers, "you will comprehend, Pip, how rigidly + throughout my communication with you, I have always adhered to the strict + line of fact. There has never been the least departure from the strict + line of fact. You are quite aware of that?" + </p> + <p> + "Quite, sir." + </p> + <p> + "I communicated to Magwitch—in New South Wales—when he first + wrote to me—from New South Wales—the caution that he must not + expect me ever to deviate from the strict line of fact. I also + communicated to him another caution. He appeared to me to have obscurely + hinted in his letter at some distant idea he had of seeing you in England + here. I cautioned him that I must hear no more of that; that he was not at + all likely to obtain a pardon; that he was expatriated for the term of his + natural life; and that his presenting himself in this country would be an + act of felony, rendering him liable to the extreme penalty of the law. I + gave Magwitch that caution," said Mr. Jaggers, looking hard at me; "I + wrote it to New South Wales. He guided himself by it, no doubt." + </p> + <p> + "No doubt," said I. + </p> + <p> + "I have been informed by Wemmick," pursued Mr. Jaggers, still looking hard + at me, "that he has received a letter, under date Portsmouth, from a + colonist of the name of Purvis, or—" + </p> + <p> + "Or Provis," I suggested. + </p> + <p> + "Or Provis—thank you, Pip. Perhaps it <i>is</i> Provis? Perhaps you know + it's Provis?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes," said I. + </p> + <p> + "You know it's Provis. A letter, under date Portsmouth, from a colonist of + the name of Provis, asking for the particulars of your address, on behalf + of Magwitch. Wemmick sent him the particulars, I understand, by return of + post. Probably it is through Provis that you have received the explanation + of Magwitch—in New South Wales?" + </p> + <p> + "It came through Provis," I replied. + </p> + <p> + "Good day, Pip," said Mr. Jaggers, offering his hand; "glad to have seen + you. In writing by post to Magwitch—in New South Wales—or in + communicating with him through Provis, have the goodness to mention that + the particulars and vouchers of our long account shall be sent to you, + together with the balance; for there is still a balance remaining. Good + day, Pip!" + </p> + <p> + We shook hands, and he looked hard at me as long as he could see me. I + turned at the door, and he was still looking hard at me, while the two + vile casts on the shelf seemed to be trying to get their eyelids open, and + to force out of their swollen throats, "O, what a man he is!" + </p> + <p> + Wemmick was out, and though he had been at his desk he could have done + nothing for me. I went straight back to the Temple, where I found the + terrible Provis drinking rum and water and smoking negro-head, in safety. + </p> + <p> + Next day the clothes I had ordered all came home, and he put them on. + Whatever he put on, became him less (it dismally seemed to me) than what + he had worn before. To my thinking, there was something in him that made + it hopeless to attempt to disguise him. The more I dressed him and the + better I dressed him, the more he looked like the slouching fugitive on + the marshes. This effect on my anxious fancy was partly referable, no + doubt, to his old face and manner growing more familiar to me; but I + believe too that he dragged one of his legs as if there were still a + weight of iron on it, and that from head to foot there was Convict in the + very grain of the man. + </p> + <p> + The influences of his solitary hut-life were upon him besides, and gave + him a savage air that no dress could tame; added to these were the + influences of his subsequent branded life among men, and, crowning all, + his consciousness that he was dodging and hiding now. In all his ways of + sitting and standing, and eating and drinking,—of brooding about in + a high-shouldered reluctant style,—of taking out his great + horn-handled jackknife and wiping it on his legs and cutting his food,—of + lifting light glasses and cups to his lips, as if they were clumsy + pannikins,—of chopping a wedge off his bread, and soaking up with it + the last fragments of gravy round and round his plate, as if to make the + most of an allowance, and then drying his finger-ends on it, and then + swallowing it,—in these ways and a thousand other small nameless + instances arising every minute in the day, there was Prisoner, Felon, + Bondsman, plain as plain could be. + </p> + <p> + It had been his own idea to wear that touch of powder, and I had conceded + the powder after overcoming the shorts. But I can compare the effect of + it, when on, to nothing but the probable effect of rouge upon the dead; so + awful was the manner in which everything in him that it was most desirable + to repress, started through that thin layer of pretence, and seemed to + come blazing out at the crown of his head. It was abandoned as soon as + tried, and he wore his grizzled hair cut short. + </p> + <p> + Words cannot tell what a sense I had, at the same time, of the dreadful + mystery that he was to me. When he fell asleep of an evening, with his + knotted hands clenching the sides of the easy-chair, and his bald head + tattooed with deep wrinkles falling forward on his breast, I would sit and + look at him, wondering what he had done, and loading him with all the + crimes in the Calendar, until the impulse was powerful on me to start up + and fly from him. Every hour so increased my abhorrence of him, that I + even think I might have yielded to this impulse in the first agonies of + being so haunted, notwithstanding all he had done for me and the risk he + ran, but for the knowledge that Herbert must soon come back. Once, I + actually did start out of bed in the night, and begin to dress myself in + my worst clothes, hurriedly intending to leave him there with everything + else I possessed, and enlist for India as a private soldier. + </p> + <p> + I doubt if a ghost could have been more terrible to me, up in those lonely + rooms in the long evenings and long nights, with the wind and the rain + always rushing by. A ghost could not have been taken and hanged on my + account, and the consideration that he could be, and the dread that he + would be, were no small addition to my horrors. When he was not asleep, or + playing a complicated kind of Patience with a ragged pack of cards of his + own,—a game that I never saw before or since, and in which he + recorded his winnings by sticking his jackknife into the table,—when + he was not engaged in either of these pursuits, he would ask me to read to + him,—"Foreign language, dear boy!" While I complied, he, not + comprehending a single word, would stand before the fire surveying me with + the air of an Exhibitor, and I would see him, between the fingers of the + hand with which I shaded my face, appealing in dumb show to the furniture + to take notice of my proficiency. The imaginary student pursued by the + misshapen creature he had impiously made, was not more wretched than I, + pursued by the creature who had made me, and recoiling from him with a + stronger repulsion, the more he admired me and the fonder he was of me. + </p> + <p> + This is written of, I am sensible, as if it had lasted a year. It lasted + about five days. Expecting Herbert all the time, I dared not go out, + except when I took Provis for an airing after dark. At length, one evening + when dinner was over and I had dropped into a slumber quite worn out,—for + my nights had been agitated and my rest broken by fearful dreams,—I + was roused by the welcome footstep on the staircase. Provis, who had been + asleep too, staggered up at the noise I made, and in an instant I saw his + jackknife shining in his hand. + </p> + <p> + "Quiet! It's Herbert!" I said; and Herbert came bursting in, with the airy + freshness of six hundred miles of France upon him. + </p> + <p> + "Handel, my dear fellow, how are you, and again how are you, and again how + are you? I seem to have been gone a twelvemonth! Why, so I must have been, + for you have grown quite thin and pale! Handel, my—Halloa! I beg + your pardon." + </p> + <p> + He was stopped in his running on and in his shaking hands with me, by + seeing Provis. Provis, regarding him with a fixed attention, was slowly + putting up his jackknife, and groping in another pocket for something + else. + </p> + <p> + "Herbert, my dear friend," said I, shutting the double doors, while + Herbert stood staring and wondering, "something very strange has happened. + This is—a visitor of mine." + </p> + <p> + "It's all right, dear boy!" said Provis coming forward, with his little + clasped black book, and then addressing himself to Herbert. "Take it in + your right hand. Lord strike you dead on the spot, if ever you split in + any way sumever! Kiss it!" + </p> + <p> + "Do so, as he wishes it," I said to Herbert. So, Herbert, looking at me + with a friendly uneasiness and amazement, complied, and Provis immediately + shaking hands with him, said, "Now you're on your oath, you know. And + never believe me on mine, if Pip shan't make a gentleman on you!" + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0041" id="link2HCH0041"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XLI + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span>n vain should I attempt to describe the astonishment and disquiet of + Herbert, when he and I and Provis sat down before the fire, and I + recounted the whole of the secret. Enough, that I saw my own feelings + reflected in Herbert's face, and not least among them, my repugnance + towards the man who had done so much for me. + </p> + <p> + What would alone have set a division between that man and us, if there had + been no other dividing circumstance, was his triumph in my story. Saving + his troublesome sense of having been "low" on one occasion since his + return,—on which point he began to hold forth to Herbert, the moment + my revelation was finished,—he had no perception of the possibility + of my finding any fault with my good fortune. His boast that he had made + me a gentleman, and that he had come to see me support the character on + his ample resources, was made for me quite as much as for himself. And + that it was a highly agreeable boast to both of us, and that we must both + be very proud of it, was a conclusion quite established in his own mind. + </p> + <p> + "Though, look'ee here, Pip's comrade," he said to Herbert, after having + discoursed for some time, "I know very well that once since I come back—for + half a minute—I've been low. I said to Pip, I knowed as I had been + low. But don't you fret yourself on that score. I ain't made Pip a + gentleman, and Pip ain't a going to make you a gentleman, not fur me not + to know what's due to ye both. Dear boy, and Pip's comrade, you two may + count upon me always having a gen-teel muzzle on. Muzzled I have been + since that half a minute when I was betrayed into lowness, muzzled I am at + the present time, muzzled I ever will be." + </p> + <p> + Herbert said, "Certainly," but looked as if there were no specific + consolation in this, and remained perplexed and dismayed. We were anxious + for the time when he would go to his lodging and leave us together, but he + was evidently jealous of leaving us together, and sat late. It was + midnight before I took him round to Essex Street, and saw him safely in at + his own dark door. When it closed upon him, I experienced the first moment + of relief I had known since the night of his arrival. + </p> + <p> + Never quite free from an uneasy remembrance of the man on the stairs, I + had always looked about me in taking my guest out after dark, and in + bringing him back; and I looked about me now. Difficult as it is in a + large city to avoid the suspicion of being watched, when the mind is + conscious of danger in that regard, I could not persuade myself that any + of the people within sight cared about my movements. The few who were + passing passed on their several ways, and the street was empty when I + turned back into the Temple. Nobody had come out at the gate with us, + nobody went in at the gate with me. As I crossed by the fountain, I saw + his lighted back windows looking bright and quiet, and, when I stood for a + few moments in the doorway of the building where I lived, before going up + the stairs, Garden Court was as still and lifeless as the staircase was + when I ascended it. + </p> + <p> + Herbert received me with open arms, and I had never felt before so + blessedly what it is to have a friend. When he had spoken some sound words + of sympathy and encouragement, we sat down to consider the question, What + was to be done? + </p> + <p> + The chair that Provis had occupied still remaining where it had stood,—for + he had a barrack way with him of hanging about one spot, in one unsettled + manner, and going through one round of observances with his pipe and his + negro-head and his jackknife and his pack of cards, and what not, as if it + were all put down for him on a slate,—I say his chair remaining + where it had stood, Herbert unconsciously took it, but next moment started + out of it, pushed it away, and took another. He had no occasion to say + after that that he had conceived an aversion for my patron, neither had I + occasion to confess my own. We interchanged that confidence without + shaping a syllable. + </p> + <p> + "What," said I to Herbert, when he was safe in another chair,—"what + is to be done?" + </p> + <p> + "My poor dear Handel," he replied, holding his head, "I am too stunned to + think." + </p> + <p> + "So was I, Herbert, when the blow first fell. Still, something must be + done. He is intent upon various new expenses,—horses, and carriages, + and lavish appearances of all kinds. He must be stopped somehow." + </p> + <p> + "You mean that you can't accept—" + </p> + <p> + "How can I?" I interposed, as Herbert paused. "Think of him! Look at him!" + </p> + <p> + An involuntary shudder passed over both of us. + </p> + <p> + "Yet I am afraid the dreadful truth is, Herbert, that he is attached to + me, strongly attached to me. Was there ever such a fate!" + </p> + <p> + "My poor dear Handel," Herbert repeated. + </p> + <p> + "Then," said I, "after all, stopping short here, never taking another + penny from him, think what I owe him already! Then again: I am heavily in + debt,—very heavily for me, who have now no expectations,—and I + have been bred to no calling, and I am fit for nothing." + </p> + <p> + "Well, well, well!" Herbert remonstrated. "Don't say fit for nothing." + </p> + <p> + "What am I fit for? I know only one thing that I am fit for, and that is, + to go for a soldier. And I might have gone, my dear Herbert, but for the + prospect of taking counsel with your friendship and affection." + </p> + <p> + Of course I broke down there: and of course Herbert, beyond seizing a warm + grip of my hand, pretended not to know it. + </p> + <p> + "Anyhow, my dear Handel," said he presently, "soldiering won't do. If you + were to renounce this patronage and these favors, I suppose you would do + so with some faint hope of one day repaying what you have already had. Not + very strong, that hope, if you went soldiering! Besides, it's absurd. You + would be infinitely better in Clarriker's house, small as it is. I am + working up towards a partnership, you know." + </p> + <p> + Poor fellow! He little suspected with whose money. + </p> + <p> + "But there is another question," said Herbert. "This is an ignorant, + determined man, who has long had one fixed idea. More than that, he seems + to me (I may misjudge him) to be a man of a desperate and fierce + character." + </p> + <p> + "I know he is," I returned. "Let me tell you what evidence I have seen of + it." And I told him what I had not mentioned in my narrative, of that + encounter with the other convict. + </p> + <p> + "See, then," said Herbert; "think of this! He comes here at the peril of + his life, for the realization of his fixed idea. In the moment of + realization, after all his toil and waiting, you cut the ground from under + his feet, destroy his idea, and make his gains worthless to him. Do you + see nothing that he might do, under the disappointment?" + </p> + <p> + "I have seen it, Herbert, and dreamed of it, ever since the fatal night of + his arrival. Nothing has been in my thoughts so distinctly as his putting + himself in the way of being taken." + </p> + <p> + "Then you may rely upon it," said Herbert, "that there would be great + danger of his doing it. That is his power over you as long as he remains + in England, and that would be his reckless course if you forsook him." + </p> + <p> + I was so struck by the horror of this idea, which had weighed upon me from + the first, and the working out of which would make me regard myself, in + some sort, as his murderer, that I could not rest in my chair, but began + pacing to and fro. I said to Herbert, meanwhile, that even if Provis were + recognized and taken, in spite of himself, I should be wretched as the + cause, however innocently. Yes; even though I was so wretched in having + him at large and near me, and even though I would far rather have worked + at the forge all the days of my life than I would ever have come to this! + </p> + <p> + But there was no staving off the question, What was to be done? + </p> + <p> + "The first and the main thing to be done," said Herbert, "is to get him + out of England. You will have to go with him, and then he may be induced + to go." + </p> + <p> + "But get him where I will, could I prevent his coming back?" + </p> + <p> + "My good Handel, is it not obvious that with Newgate in the next street, + there must be far greater hazard in your breaking your mind to him and + making him reckless, here, than elsewhere. If a pretext to get him away + could be made out of that other convict, or out of anything else in his + life, now." + </p> + <p> + "There, again!" said I, stopping before Herbert, with my open hands held + out, as if they contained the desperation of the case. "I know nothing of + his life. It has almost made me mad to sit here of a night and see him + before me, so bound up with my fortunes and misfortunes, and yet so + unknown to me, except as the miserable wretch who terrified me two days in + my childhood!" + </p> + <p> + Herbert got up, and linked his arm in mine, and we slowly walked to and + fro together, studying the carpet. + </p> + <p> + "Handel," said Herbert, stopping, "you feel convinced that you can take no + further benefits from him; do you?" + </p> + <p> + "Fully. Surely you would, too, if you were in my place?" + </p> + <p> + "And you feel convinced that you must break with him?" + </p> + <p> + "Herbert, can you ask me?" + </p> + <p> + "And you have, and are bound to have, that tenderness for the life he has + risked on your account, that you must save him, if possible, from throwing + it away. Then you must get him out of England before you stir a finger to + extricate yourself. That done, extricate yourself, in Heaven's name, and + we'll see it out together, dear old boy." + </p> + <p> + It was a comfort to shake hands upon it, and walk up and down again, with + only that done. + </p> + <p> + "Now, Herbert," said I, "with reference to gaining some knowledge of his + history. There is but one way that I know of. I must ask him point blank." + </p> + <p> + "Yes. Ask him," said Herbert, "when we sit at breakfast in the morning." + For he had said, on taking leave of Herbert, that he would come to + breakfast with us. + </p> + <p> + With this project formed, we went to bed. I had the wildest dreams + concerning him, and woke unrefreshed; I woke, too, to recover the fear + which I had lost in the night, of his being found out as a returned + transport. Waking, I never lost that fear. + </p> + <p> + He came round at the appointed time, took out his jackknife, and sat down + to his meal. He was full of plans "for his gentleman's coming out strong, + and like a gentleman," and urged me to begin speedily upon the pocket-book + which he had left in my possession. He considered the chambers and his own + lodging as temporary residences, and advised me to look out at once for a + "fashionable crib" near Hyde Park, in which he could have "a shake-down." + When he had made an end of his breakfast, and was wiping his knife on his + leg, I said to him, without a word of preface,— + </p> + <p> + "After you were gone last night, I told my friend of the struggle that the + soldiers found you engaged in on the marshes, when we came up. You + remember?" + </p> + <p> + "Remember!" said he. "I think so!" + </p> + <p> + "We want to know something about that man—and about you. It is + strange to know no more about either, and particularly you, than I was + able to tell last night. Is not this as good a time as another for our + knowing more?" + </p> + <p> + "Well!" he said, after consideration. "You're on your oath, you know, + Pip's comrade?" + </p> + <p> + "Assuredly," replied Herbert. + </p> + <p> + "As to anything I say, you know," he insisted. "The oath applies to all." + </p> + <p> + "I understand it to do so." + </p> + <p> + "And look'ee here! Wotever I done is worked out and paid for," he insisted + again. + </p> + <p> + "So be it." + </p> + <p> + He took out his black pipe and was going to fill it with negro-head, when, + looking at the tangle of tobacco in his hand, he seemed to think it might + perplex the thread of his narrative. He put it back again, stuck his pipe + in a button-hole of his coat, spread a hand on each knee, and after + turning an angry eye on the fire for a few silent moments, looked round at + us and said what follows. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0042" id="link2HCH0042"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XLII + </h2> + <p> + "Dear boy and Pip's comrade. I am not a going fur to tell you my life like + a song, or a story-book. But to give it you short and handy, I'll put it + at once into a mouthful of English. In jail and out of jail, in jail and + out of jail, in jail and out of jail. There, you've got it. That's <i>my</i> life + pretty much, down to such times as I got shipped off, arter Pip stood my + friend. + </p> + <p> + "I've been done everything to, pretty well—except hanged. I've been + locked up as much as a silver tea-kittle. I've been carted here and carted + there, and put out of this town, and put out of that town, and stuck in + the stocks, and whipped and worried and drove. I've no more notion where I + was born than you have—if so much. I first become aware of myself + down in Essex, a thieving turnips for my living. Summun had run away from + me—a man—a tinker—and he'd took the fire with him, and + left me wery cold. + </p> + <p> + "I know'd my name to be Magwitch, chrisen'd Abel. How did I know it? Much + as I know'd the birds' names in the hedges to be chaffinch, sparrer, + thrush. I might have thought it was all lies together, only as the birds' + names come out true, I supposed mine did. + </p> + <p> + "So fur as I could find, there warn't a soul that see young Abel Magwitch, + with us little on him as in him, but wot caught fright at him, and either + drove him off, or took him up. I was took up, took up, took up, to that + extent that I reg'larly grow'd up took up. + </p> + <p> + "This is the way it was, that when I was a ragged little creetur as much + to be pitied as ever I see (not that I looked in the glass, for there + warn't many insides of furnished houses known to me), I got the name of + being hardened. 'This is a terrible hardened one,' they says to prison + wisitors, picking out me. 'May be said to live in jails, this boy.' Then + they looked at me, and I looked at them, and they measured my head, some + on 'em,—they had better a measured my stomach,—and others on + 'em giv me tracts what I couldn't read, and made me speeches what I + couldn't understand. They always went on agen me about the Devil. But what + the Devil was I to do? I must put something into my stomach, mustn't I?—Howsomever, + I'm a getting low, and I know what's due. Dear boy and Pip's comrade, + don't you be afeerd of me being low. + </p> + <p> + "Tramping, begging, thieving, working sometimes when I could,—though + that warn't as often as you may think, till you put the question whether + you would ha' been over-ready to give me work yourselves,—a bit of a + poacher, a bit of a laborer, a bit of a wagoner, a bit of a haymaker, a + bit of a hawker, a bit of most things that don't pay and lead to trouble, + I got to be a man. A deserting soldier in a Traveller's Rest, what lay hid + up to the chin under a lot of taturs, learnt me to read; and a travelling + Giant what signed his name at a penny a time learnt me to write. I warn't + locked up as often now as formerly, but I wore out my good share of + key-metal still. + </p> + <p> + "At Epsom races, a matter of over twenty years ago, I got acquainted wi' a + man whose skull I'd crack wi' this poker, like the claw of a lobster, if + I'd got it on this hob. His right name was Compeyson; and that's the man, + dear boy, what you see me a pounding in the ditch, according to what you + truly told your comrade arter I was gone last night. + </p> + <p> + "He set up fur a gentleman, this Compeyson, and he'd been to a public + boarding-school and had learning. He was a smooth one to talk, and was a + dab at the ways of gentlefolks. He was good-looking too. It was the night + afore the great race, when I found him on the heath, in a booth that I + know'd on. Him and some more was a sitting among the tables when I went + in, and the landlord (which had a knowledge of me, and was a sporting one) + called him out, and said, 'I think this is a man that might suit you,'—meaning + I was. + </p> + <p> + "Compeyson, he looks at me very noticing, and I look at him. He has a + watch and a chain and a ring and a breast-pin and a handsome suit of + clothes. + </p> + <p> + "'To judge from appearances, you're out of luck,' says Compeyson to me. + </p> + <p> + "'Yes, master, and I've never been in it much.' (I had come out of + Kingston Jail last on a vagrancy committal. Not but what it might have + been for something else; but it warn't.) + </p> + <p> + "'Luck changes,' says Compeyson; 'perhaps yours is going to change.' + </p> + <p> + "I says, 'I hope it may be so. There's room.' + </p> + <p> + "'What can you do?' says Compeyson. + </p> + <p> + "'Eat and drink,' I says; 'if you'll find the materials.' + </p> + <p> + "Compeyson laughed, looked at me again very noticing, giv me five + shillings, and appointed me for next night. Same place. + </p> + <p> + "I went to Compeyson next night, same place, and Compeyson took me on to + be his man and pardner. And what was Compeyson's business in which we was + to go pardners? Compeyson's business was the swindling, handwriting + forging, stolen bank-note passing, and such-like. All sorts of traps as + Compeyson could set with his head, and keep his own legs out of and get + the profits from and let another man in for, was Compeyson's business. + He'd no more heart than a iron file, he was as cold as death, and he had + the head of the Devil afore mentioned. + </p> + <p> + "There was another in with Compeyson, as was called Arthur,—not as + being so chrisen'd, but as a surname. He was in a Decline, and was a + shadow to look at. Him and Compeyson had been in a bad thing with a rich + lady some years afore, and they'd made a pot of money by it; but Compeyson + betted and gamed, and he'd have run through the king's taxes. So, Arthur + was a dying, and a dying poor and with the horrors on him, and Compeyson's + wife (which Compeyson kicked mostly) was a having pity on him when she + could, and Compeyson was a having pity on nothing and nobody. + </p> + <p> + "I might a took warning by Arthur, but I didn't; and I won't pretend I was + partick'ler—for where 'ud be the good on it, dear boy and comrade? + So I begun wi' Compeyson, and a poor tool I was in his hands. Arthur lived + at the top of Compeyson's house (over nigh Brentford it was), and + Compeyson kept a careful account agen him for board and lodging, in case + he should ever get better to work it out. But Arthur soon settled the + account. The second or third time as ever I see him, he come a tearing + down into Compeyson's parlor late at night, in only a flannel gown, with + his hair all in a sweat, and he says to Compeyson's wife, 'Sally, she + really is upstairs alonger me, now, and I can't get rid of her. She's all + in white,' he says, 'wi' white flowers in her hair, and she's awful mad, + and she's got a shroud hanging over her arm, and she says she'll put it on + me at five in the morning.' + </p> + <p> + "Says Compeyson: 'Why, you fool, don't you know she's got a living body? + And how should she be up there, without coming through the door, or in at + the window, and up the stairs?' + </p> + <p> + "'I don't know how she's there,' says Arthur, shivering dreadful with the + horrors, 'but she's standing in the corner at the foot of the bed, awful + mad. And over where her heart's broke—<i>you</i> broke it!—there's + drops of blood.' + </p> + <p> + "Compeyson spoke hardy, but he was always a coward. 'Go up alonger this + drivelling sick man,' he says to his wife, 'and Magwitch, lend her a hand, + will you?' But he never come nigh himself. + </p> + <p> + "Compeyson's wife and me took him up to bed agen, and he raved most + dreadful. 'Why look at her!' he cries out. 'She's a shaking the shroud at + me! Don't you see her? Look at her eyes! Ain't it awful to see her so + mad?' Next he cries, 'She'll put it on me, and then I'm done for! Take it + away from her, take it away!' And then he catched hold of us, and kep on a + talking to her, and answering of her, till I half believed I see her + myself. + </p> + <p> + "Compeyson's wife, being used to him, giv him some liquor to get the + horrors off, and by and by he quieted. 'O, she's gone! Has her keeper been + for her?' he says. 'Yes,' says Compeyson's wife. 'Did you tell him to lock + her and bar her in?' 'Yes.' 'And to take that ugly thing away from her?' + 'Yes, yes, all right.' 'You're a good creetur,' he says, 'don't leave me, + whatever you do, and thank you!' + </p> + <p> + "He rested pretty quiet till it might want a few minutes of five, and then + he starts up with a scream, and screams out, 'Here she is! She's got the + shroud again. She's unfolding it. She's coming out of the corner. She's + coming to the bed. Hold me, both on you—one of each side—don't + let her touch me with it. Hah! she missed me that time. Don't let her + throw it over my shoulders. Don't let her lift me up to get it round me. + She's lifting me up. Keep me down!' Then he lifted himself up hard, and + was dead. + </p> + <p> + "Compeyson took it easy as a good riddance for both sides. Him and me was + soon busy, and first he swore me (being ever artful) on my own book,—this + here little black book, dear boy, what I swore your comrade on. + </p> + <p> + "Not to go into the things that Compeyson planned, and I done—which + 'ud take a week—I'll simply say to you, dear boy, and Pip's comrade, + that that man got me into such nets as made me his black slave. I was + always in debt to him, always under his thumb, always a working, always a + getting into danger. He was younger than me, but he'd got craft, and he'd + got learning, and he overmatched me five hundred times told and no mercy. + My Missis as I had the hard time wi'—Stop though! I ain't brought + <i>her</i> in—" + </p> + <p> + He looked about him in a confused way, as if he had lost his place in the + book of his remembrance; and he turned his face to the fire, and spread + his hands broader on his knees, and lifted them off and put them on again. + </p> + <p> + "There ain't no need to go into it," he said, looking round once more. + "The time wi' Compeyson was a'most as hard a time as ever I had; that + said, all's said. Did I tell you as I was tried, alone, for misdemeanor, + while with Compeyson?" + </p> + <p> + I answered, No. + </p> + <p> + "Well!" he said, "I <i>was</i>, and got convicted. As to took up on suspicion, + that was twice or three times in the four or five year that it lasted; but + evidence was wanting. At last, me and Compeyson was both committed for + felony,—on a charge of putting stolen notes in circulation,—and + there was other charges behind. Compeyson says to me, 'Separate defences, + no communication,' and that was all. And I was so miserable poor, that I + sold all the clothes I had, except what hung on my back, afore I could get + Jaggers. + </p> + <p> + "When we was put in the dock, I noticed first of all what a gentleman + Compeyson looked, wi' his curly hair and his black clothes and his white + pocket-handkercher, and what a common sort of a wretch I looked. When the + prosecution opened and the evidence was put short, aforehand, I noticed + how heavy it all bore on me, and how light on him. When the evidence was + giv in the box, I noticed how it was always me that had come for'ard, and + could be swore to, how it was always me that the money had been paid to, + how it was always me that had seemed to work the thing and get the profit. + But when the defence come on, then I see the plan plainer; for, says the + counsellor for Compeyson, 'My lord and gentlemen, here you has afore you, + side by side, two persons as your eyes can separate wide; one, the + younger, well brought up, who will be spoke to as such; one, the elder, + ill brought up, who will be spoke to as such; one, the younger, seldom if + ever seen in these here transactions, and only suspected; t'other, the + elder, always seen in 'em and always wi'his guilt brought home. Can you + doubt, if there is but one in it, which is the one, and, if there is two + in it, which is much the worst one?' And such-like. And when it come to + character, warn't it Compeyson as had been to the school, and warn't it + his schoolfellows as was in this position and in that, and warn't it him + as had been know'd by witnesses in such clubs and societies, and nowt to + his disadvantage? And warn't it me as had been tried afore, and as had + been know'd up hill and down dale in Bridewells and Lock-Ups! And when it + come to speech-making, warn't it Compeyson as could speak to 'em wi' his + face dropping every now and then into his white pocket-handkercher,—ah! + and wi' verses in his speech, too,—and warn't it me as could only + say, 'Gentlemen, this man at my side is a most precious rascal'? And when + the verdict come, warn't it Compeyson as was recommended to mercy on + account of good character and bad company, and giving up all the + information he could agen me, and warn't it me as got never a word but + Guilty? And when I says to Compeyson, 'Once out of this court, I'll smash + that face of yourn!' ain't it Compeyson as prays the Judge to be + protected, and gets two turnkeys stood betwixt us? And when we're + sentenced, ain't it him as gets seven year, and me fourteen, and ain't it + him as the Judge is sorry for, because he might a done so well, and ain't + it me as the Judge perceives to be a old offender of wiolent passion, + likely to come to worse?" + </p> + <p> + He had worked himself into a state of great excitement, but he checked it, + took two or three short breaths, swallowed as often, and stretching out + his hand towards me said, in a reassuring manner, "I ain't a going to be + low, dear boy!" + </p> + <p> + He had so heated himself that he took out his handkerchief and wiped his + face and head and neck and hands, before he could go on. + </p> +<div class="fig" > + <img src="images/0335m.jpg" alt="0335m " /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/0335.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + "I had said to Compeyson that I'd smash that face of his, and I swore Lord + smash mine! to do it. We was in the same prison-ship, but I couldn't get + at him for long, though I tried. At last I come behind him and hit him on + the cheek to turn him round and get a smashing one at him, when I was seen + and seized. The black-hole of that ship warn't a strong one, to a judge of + black-holes that could swim and dive. I escaped to the shore, and I was a + hiding among the graves there, envying them as was in 'em and all over, + when I first see my boy!" + </p> + <p> + He regarded me with a look of affection that made him almost abhorrent to + me again, though I had felt great pity for him. + </p> + <p> + "By my boy, I was giv to understand as Compeyson was out on them marshes + too. Upon my soul, I half believe he escaped in his terror, to get quit of + me, not knowing it was me as had got ashore. I hunted him down. I smashed + his face. 'And now,' says I 'as the worst thing I can do, caring nothing + for myself, I'll drag you back.' And I'd have swum off, towing him by the + hair, if it had come to that, and I'd a got him aboard without the + soldiers. + </p> + <p> + "Of course he'd much the best of it to the last,—his character was + so good. He had escaped when he was made half wild by me and my murderous + intentions; and his punishment was light. I was put in irons, brought to + trial again, and sent for life. I didn't stop for life, dear boy and Pip's + comrade, being here." + </p> + <p> + He wiped himself again, as he had done before, and then slowly took his + tangle of tobacco from his pocket, and plucked his pipe from his + button-hole, and slowly filled it, and began to smoke. + </p> + <p> + "Is he dead?" I asked, after a silence. + </p> + <p> + "Is who dead, dear boy?" + </p> + <p> + "Compeyson." + </p> + <p> + "He hopes <i>I</i> am, if he's alive, you may be sure," with a fierce look. "I + never heerd no more of him." + </p> + <p> + Herbert had been writing with his pencil in the cover of a book. He softly + pushed the book over to me, as Provis stood smoking with his eyes on the + fire, and I read in it:— + </p> + <p> + "Young Havisham's name was Arthur. Compeyson is the man who professed to + be Miss Havisham's lover." + </p> + <p> + I shut the book and nodded slightly to Herbert, and put the book by; but + we neither of us said anything, and both looked at Provis as he stood + smoking by the fire. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0043" id="link2HCH0043"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XLIII + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">W</span>hy should I pause to ask how much of my shrinking from Provis might be + traced to Estella? Why should I loiter on my road, to compare the state of + mind in which I had tried to rid myself of the stain of the prison before + meeting her at the coach-office, with the state of mind in which I now + reflected on the abyss between Estella in her pride and beauty, and the + returned transport whom I harbored? The road would be none the smoother + for it, the end would be none the better for it, he would not be helped, + nor I extenuated. + </p> + <p> + A new fear had been engendered in my mind by his narrative; or rather, his + narrative had given form and purpose to the fear that was already there. + If Compeyson were alive and should discover his return, I could hardly + doubt the consequence. That Compeyson stood in mortal fear of him, neither + of the two could know much better than I; and that any such man as that + man had been described to be would hesitate to release himself for good + from a dreaded enemy by the safe means of becoming an informer was + scarcely to be imagined. + </p> + <p> + Never had I breathed, and never would I breathe—or so I resolved—a + word of Estella to Provis. But, I said to Herbert that, before I could go + abroad, I must see both Estella and Miss Havisham. This was when we were + left alone on the night of the day when Provis told us his story. I + resolved to go out to Richmond next day, and I went. + </p> + <p> + On my presenting myself at Mrs. Brandley's, Estella's maid was called to + tell that Estella had gone into the country. Where? To Satis House, as + usual. Not as usual, I said, for she had never yet gone there without me; + when was she coming back? There was an air of reservation in the answer + which increased my perplexity, and the answer was, that her maid believed + she was only coming back at all for a little while. I could make nothing + of this, except that it was meant that I should make nothing of it, and I + went home again in complete discomfiture. + </p> + <p> + Another night consultation with Herbert after Provis was gone home (I + always took him home, and always looked well about me), led us to the + conclusion that nothing should be said about going abroad until I came + back from Miss Havisham's. In the mean time, Herbert and I were to + consider separately what it would be best to say; whether we should devise + any pretence of being afraid that he was under suspicious observation; or + whether I, who had never yet been abroad, should propose an expedition. We + both knew that I had but to propose anything, and he would consent. We + agreed that his remaining many days in his present hazard was not to be + thought of. + </p> + <p> + Next day I had the meanness to feign that I was under a binding promise to + go down to Joe; but I was capable of almost any meanness towards Joe or + his name. Provis was to be strictly careful while I was gone, and Herbert + was to take the charge of him that I had taken. I was to be absent only + one night, and, on my return, the gratification of his impatience for my + starting as a gentleman on a greater scale was to be begun. It occurred to + me then, and as I afterwards found to Herbert also, that he might be best + got away across the water, on that pretence,—as, to make purchases, + or the like. + </p> + <p> + Having thus cleared the way for my expedition to Miss Havisham's, I set + off by the early morning coach before it was yet light, and was out on the + open country road when the day came creeping on, halting and whimpering + and shivering, and wrapped in patches of cloud and rags of mist, like a + beggar. When we drove up to the Blue Boar after a drizzly ride, whom + should I see come out under the gateway, toothpick in hand, to look at the + coach, but Bentley Drummle! + </p> + <p> + As he pretended not to see me, I pretended not to see him. It was a very + lame pretence on both sides; the lamer, because we both went into the + coffee-room, where he had just finished his breakfast, and where I ordered + mine. It was poisonous to me to see him in the town, for I very well knew + why he had come there. + </p> + <p> + Pretending to read a smeary newspaper long out of date, which had nothing + half so legible in its local news, as the foreign matter of coffee, + pickles, fish sauces, gravy, melted butter, and wine with which it was + sprinkled all over, as if it had taken the measles in a highly irregular + form, I sat at my table while he stood before the fire. By degrees it + became an enormous injury to me that he stood before the fire. And I got + up, determined to have my share of it. I had to put my hand behind his + legs for the poker when I went up to the fireplace to stir the fire, but + still pretended not to know him. + </p> + <p> + "Is this a cut?" said Mr. Drummle. + </p> + <p> + "Oh!" said I, poker in hand; "it's you, is it? How do you do? I was + wondering who it was, who kept the fire off." + </p> + <p> + With that, I poked tremendously, and having done so, planted myself side + by side with Mr. Drummle, my shoulders squared and my back to the fire. + </p> + <p> + "You have just come down?" said Mr. Drummle, edging me a little away with + his shoulder. + </p> + <p> + "Yes," said I, edging <i>him</i> a little away with <i>my</i> shoulder. + </p> + <p> + "Beastly place," said Drummle. "Your part of the country, I think?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes," I assented. "I am told it's very like your Shropshire." + </p> + <p> + "Not in the least like it," said Drummle. + </p> + <p> + Here Mr. Drummle looked at his boots and I looked at mine, and then Mr. + Drummle looked at my boots, and I looked at his. + </p> + <p> + "Have you been here long?" I asked, determined not to yield an inch of the + fire. + </p> + <p> + "Long enough to be tired of it," returned Drummle, pretending to yawn, but + equally determined. + </p> + <p> + "Do you stay here long?" + </p> + <p> + "Can't say," answered Mr. Drummle. "Do you?" + </p> + <p> + "Can't say," said I. + </p> + <p> + I felt here, through a tingling in my blood, that if Mr. Drummle's + shoulder had claimed another hair's breadth of room, I should have jerked + him into the window; equally, that if my own shoulder had urged a similar + claim, Mr. Drummle would have jerked me into the nearest box. He whistled + a little. So did I. + </p> + <p> + "Large tract of marshes about here, I believe?" said Drummle. + </p> + <p> + "Yes. What of that?" said I. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Drummle looked at me, and then at my boots, and then said, "Oh!" and + laughed. + </p> + <p> + "Are you amused, Mr. Drummle?" + </p> + <p> + "No," said he, "not particularly. I am going out for a ride in the saddle. + I mean to explore those marshes for amusement. Out-of-the-way villages + there, they tell me. Curious little public-houses—and smithies—and + that. Waiter!" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, sir." + </p> + <p> + "Is that horse of mine ready?" + </p> + <p> + "Brought round to the door, sir." + </p> + <p> + "I say. Look here, you sir. The lady won't ride to-day; the weather won't + do." + </p> + <p> + "Very good, sir." + </p> + <p> + "And I don't dine, because I'm going to dine at the lady's." + </p> + <p> + "Very good, sir." + </p> + <p> + Then, Drummle glanced at me, with an insolent triumph on his great-jowled + face that cut me to the heart, dull as he was, and so exasperated me, that + I felt inclined to take him in my arms (as the robber in the story-book is + said to have taken the old lady) and seat him on the fire. + </p> + <p> + One thing was manifest to both of us, and that was, that until relief + came, neither of us could relinquish the fire. There we stood, well + squared up before it, shoulder to shoulder and foot to foot, with our + hands behind us, not budging an inch. The horse was visible outside in the + drizzle at the door, my breakfast was put on the table, Drummle's was + cleared away, the waiter invited me to begin, I nodded, we both stood our + ground. + </p> + <p> + "Have you been to the Grove since?" said Drummle. + </p> + <p> + "No," said I, "I had quite enough of the Finches the last time I was + there." + </p> + <p> + "Was that when we had a difference of opinion?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes," I replied, very shortly. + </p> + <p> + "Come, come! They let you off easily enough," sneered Drummle. "You + shouldn't have lost your temper." + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Drummle," said I, "you are not competent to give advice on that + subject. When I lose my temper (not that I admit having done so on that + occasion), I don't throw glasses." + </p> + <p> + "I do," said Drummle. + </p> + <p> + After glancing at him once or twice, in an increased state of smouldering + ferocity, I said,— + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Drummle, I did not seek this conversation, and I don't think it an + agreeable one." + </p> + <p> + "I am sure it's not," said he, superciliously over his shoulder; "I don't + think anything about it." + </p> + <p> + "And therefore," I went on, "with your leave, I will suggest that we hold + no kind of communication in future." + </p> + <p> + "Quite my opinion," said Drummle, "and what I should have suggested + myself, or done—more likely—without suggesting. But don't lose + your temper. Haven't you lost enough without that?" + </p> + <p> + "What do you mean, sir?" + </p> + <p> + "Waiter!" said Drummle, by way of answering me. + </p> + <p> + The waiter reappeared. + </p> + <p> + "Look here, you sir. You quite understand that the young lady don't ride + to-day, and that I dine at the young lady's?" + </p> + <p> + "Quite so, sir!" + </p> + <p> + When the waiter had felt my fast-cooling teapot with the palm of his hand, + and had looked imploringly at me, and had gone out, Drummle, careful not + to move the shoulder next me, took a cigar from his pocket and bit the end + off, but showed no sign of stirring. Choking and boiling as I was, I felt + that we could not go a word further, without introducing Estella's name, + which I could not endure to hear him utter; and therefore I looked stonily + at the opposite wall, as if there were no one present, and forced myself + to silence. How long we might have remained in this ridiculous position it + is impossible to say, but for the incursion of three thriving farmers—laid + on by the waiter, I think—who came into the coffee-room unbuttoning + their great-coats and rubbing their hands, and before whom, as they + charged at the fire, we were obliged to give way. + </p> + <p> + I saw him through the window, seizing his horse's mane, and mounting in + his blundering brutal manner, and sidling and backing away. I thought he + was gone, when he came back, calling for a light for the cigar in his + mouth, which he had forgotten. A man in a dust-colored dress appeared with + what was wanted,—I could not have said from where: whether from the + inn yard, or the street, or where not,—and as Drummle leaned down + from the saddle and lighted his cigar and laughed, with a jerk of his head + towards the coffee-room windows, the slouching shoulders and ragged hair + of this man whose back was towards me reminded me of Orlick. + </p> + <p> + Too heavily out of sorts to care much at the time whether it were he or + no, or after all to touch the breakfast, I washed the weather and the + journey from my face and hands, and went out to the memorable old house + that it would have been so much the better for me never to have entered, + never to have seen. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0044" id="link2HCH0044"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XLIV + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span>n the room where the dressing-table stood, and where the wax-candles + burnt on the wall, I found Miss Havisham and Estella; Miss Havisham seated + on a settee near the fire, and Estella on a cushion at her feet. Estella + was knitting, and Miss Havisham was looking on. They both raised their + eyes as I went in, and both saw an alteration in me. I derived that, from + the look they interchanged. + </p> + <p> + "And what wind," said Miss Havisham, "blows you here, Pip?" + </p> + <p> + Though she looked steadily at me, I saw that she was rather confused. + Estella, pausing a moment in her knitting with her eyes upon me, and then + going on, I fancied that I read in the action of her fingers, as plainly + as if she had told me in the dumb alphabet, that she perceived I had + discovered my real benefactor. + </p> + <p> + "Miss Havisham," said I, "I went to Richmond yesterday, to speak to + Estella; and finding that some wind had blown <i>her</i> here, I followed." + </p> + <p> + Miss Havisham motioning to me for the third or fourth time to sit down, I + took the chair by the dressing-table, which I had often seen her occupy. + With all that ruin at my feet and about me, it seemed a natural place for + me, that day. + </p> + <p> + "What I had to say to Estella, Miss Havisham, I will say before you, + presently—in a few moments. It will not surprise you, it will not + displease you. I am as unhappy as you can ever have meant me to be." + </p> + <p> + Miss Havisham continued to look steadily at me. I could see in the action + of Estella's fingers as they worked that she attended to what I said; but + she did not look up. + </p> + <p> + "I have found out who my patron is. It is not a fortunate discovery, and + is not likely ever to enrich me in reputation, station, fortune, anything. + There are reasons why I must say no more of that. It is not my secret, but + another's." + </p> + <p> + As I was silent for a while, looking at Estella and considering how to go + on, Miss Havisham repeated, "It is not your secret, but another's. Well?" + </p> + <p> + "When you first caused me to be brought here, Miss Havisham, when I + belonged to the village over yonder, that I wish I had never left, I + suppose I did really come here, as any other chance boy might have come,—as + a kind of servant, to gratify a want or a whim, and to be paid for it?" + </p> + <p> + "Ay, Pip," replied Miss Havisham, steadily nodding her head; "you did." + </p> + <p> + "And that Mr. Jaggers—" + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Jaggers," said Miss Havisham, taking me up in a firm tone, "had + nothing to do with it, and knew nothing of it. His being my lawyer, and + his being the lawyer of your patron is a coincidence. He holds the same + relation towards numbers of people, and it might easily arise. Be that as + it may, it did arise, and was not brought about by any one." + </p> + <p> + Any one might have seen in her haggard face that there was no suppression + or evasion so far. + </p> + <p> + "But when I fell into the mistake I have so long remained in, at least you + led me on?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "Yes," she returned, again nodding steadily, "I let you go on." + </p> + <p> + "Was that kind?" + </p> + <p> + "Who am I," cried Miss Havisham, striking her stick upon the floor and + flashing into wrath so suddenly that Estella glanced up at her in + surprise,—"who am I, for God's sake, that I should be kind?" + </p> + <p> + It was a weak complaint to have made, and I had not meant to make it. I + told her so, as she sat brooding after this outburst. + </p> + <p> + "Well, well, well!" she said. "What else?" + </p> + <p> + "I was liberally paid for my old attendance here," I said, to soothe her, + "in being apprenticed, and I have asked these questions only for my own + information. What follows has another (and I hope more disinterested) + purpose. In humoring my mistake, Miss Havisham, you punished—practised + on—perhaps you will supply whatever term expresses your intention, + without offence—your self-seeking relations?" + </p> + <p> + "I did. Why, they would have it so! So would you. What has been my + history, that I should be at the pains of entreating either them or you + not to have it so! You made your own snares. <i>I</i> never made them." + </p> + <p> + Waiting until she was quiet again,—for this, too, flashed out of her + in a wild and sudden way,—I went on. + </p> + <p> + "I have been thrown among one family of your relations, Miss Havisham, and + have been constantly among them since I went to London. I know them to + have been as honestly under my delusion as I myself. And I should be false + and base if I did not tell you, whether it is acceptable to you or no, and + whether you are inclined to give credence to it or no, that you deeply + wrong both Mr. Matthew Pocket and his son Herbert, if you suppose them to + be otherwise than generous, upright, open, and incapable of anything + designing or mean." + </p> + <p> + "They are your friends," said Miss Havisham. + </p> + <p> + "They made themselves my friends," said I, "when they supposed me to have + superseded them; and when Sarah Pocket, Miss Georgiana, and Mistress + Camilla were not my friends, I think." + </p> + <p> + This contrasting of them with the rest seemed, I was glad to see, to do + them good with her. She looked at me keenly for a little while, and then + said quietly,— + </p> + <p> + "What do you want for them?" + </p> + <p> + "Only," said I, "that you would not confound them with the others. They + may be of the same blood, but, believe me, they are not of the same + nature." + </p> + <p> + Still looking at me keenly, Miss Havisham repeated,— + </p> + <p> + "What do you want for them?" + </p> + <p> + "I am not so cunning, you see," I said, in answer, conscious that I + reddened a little, "as that I could hide from you, even if I desired, that + I do want something. Miss Havisham, if you would spare the money to do my + friend Herbert a lasting service in life, but which from the nature of the + case must be done without his knowledge, I could show you how." + </p> + <p> + "Why must it be done without his knowledge?" she asked, settling her hands + upon her stick, that she might regard me the more attentively. + </p> + <p> + "Because," said I, "I began the service myself, more than two years ago, + without his knowledge, and I don't want to be betrayed. Why I fail in my + ability to finish it, I cannot explain. It is a part of the secret which + is another person's and not mine." + </p> + <p> + She gradually withdrew her eyes from me, and turned them on the fire. + After watching it for what appeared in the silence and by the light of the + slowly wasting candles to be a long time, she was roused by the collapse + of some of the red coals, and looked towards me again—at first, + vacantly—then, with a gradually concentrating attention. All this + time Estella knitted on. When Miss Havisham had fixed her attention on me, + she said, speaking as if there had been no lapse in our dialogue,— + </p> + <p> + "What else?" + </p> + <p> + "Estella," said I, turning to her now, and trying to command my trembling + voice, "you know I love you. You know that I have loved you long and + dearly." + </p> + <p> + She raised her eyes to my face, on being thus addressed, and her fingers + plied their work, and she looked at me with an unmoved countenance. I saw + that Miss Havisham glanced from me to her, and from her to me. + </p> + <p> + "I should have said this sooner, but for my long mistake. It induced me to + hope that Miss Havisham meant us for one another. While I thought you + could not help yourself, as it were, I refrained from saying it. But I + must say it now." + </p> + <p> + Preserving her unmoved countenance, and with her fingers still going, + Estella shook her head. + </p> + <p> + "I know," said I, in answer to that action,—"I know. I have no hope + that I shall ever call you mine, Estella. I am ignorant what may become of + me very soon, how poor I may be, or where I may go. Still, I love you. I + have loved you ever since I first saw you in this house." + </p> + <p> + Looking at me perfectly unmoved and with her fingers busy, she shook her + head again. + </p> + <p> + "It would have been cruel in Miss Havisham, horribly cruel, to practise on + the susceptibility of a poor boy, and to torture me through all these + years with a vain hope and an idle pursuit, if she had reflected on the + gravity of what she did. But I think she did not. I think that, in the + endurance of her own trial, she forgot mine, Estella." + </p> + <p> + I saw Miss Havisham put her hand to her heart and hold it there, as she + sat looking by turns at Estella and at me. + </p> + <p> + "It seems," said Estella, very calmly, "that there are sentiments, + fancies,—I don't know how to call them,—which I am not able to + comprehend. When you say you love me, I know what you mean, as a form of + words; but nothing more. You address nothing in my breast, you touch + nothing there. I don't care for what you say at all. I have tried to warn + you of this; now, have I not?" + </p> + <p> + I said in a miserable manner, "Yes." + </p> + <p> + "Yes. But you would not be warned, for you thought I did not mean it. Now, + did you not think so?" + </p> + <p> + "I thought and hoped you could not mean it. You, so young, untried, and + beautiful, Estella! Surely it is not in Nature." + </p> + <p> + "It is in <i>my</i> nature," she returned. And then she added, with a stress upon + the words, "It is in the nature formed within me. I make a great + difference between you and all other people when I say so much. I can do + no more." + </p> + <p> + "Is it not true," said I, "that Bentley Drummle is in town here, and + pursuing you?" + </p> + <p> + "It is quite true," she replied, referring to him with the indifference of + utter contempt. + </p> + <p> + "That you encourage him, and ride out with him, and that he dines with you + this very day?" + </p> + <p> + She seemed a little surprised that I should know it, but again replied, + "Quite true." + </p> + <p> + "You cannot love him, Estella!" + </p> + <p> + Her fingers stopped for the first time, as she retorted rather angrily, + "What have I told you? Do you still think, in spite of it, that I do not + mean what I say?" + </p> + <p> + "You would never marry him, Estella?" + </p> + <p> + She looked towards Miss Havisham, and considered for a moment with her + work in her hands. Then she said, "Why not tell you the truth? I am going + to be married to him." + </p> + <p> + I dropped my face into my hands, but was able to control myself better + than I could have expected, considering what agony it gave me to hear her + say those words. When I raised my face again, there was such a ghastly + look upon Miss Havisham's, that it impressed me, even in my passionate + hurry and grief. + </p> + <p> + "Estella, dearest Estella, do not let Miss Havisham lead you into this + fatal step. Put me aside for ever,—you have done so, I well know,—but + bestow yourself on some worthier person than Drummle. Miss Havisham gives + you to him, as the greatest slight and injury that could be done to the + many far better men who admire you, and to the few who truly love you. + Among those few there may be one who loves you even as dearly, though he + has not loved you as long, as I. Take him, and I can bear it better, for + your sake!" + </p> + <p> + My earnestness awoke a wonder in her that seemed as if it would have been + touched with compassion, if she could have rendered me at all intelligible + to her own mind. + </p> + <p> + "I am going," she said again, in a gentler voice, "to be married to him. + The preparations for my marriage are making, and I shall be married soon. + Why do you injuriously introduce the name of my mother by adoption? It is + my own act." + </p> + <p> + "Your own act, Estella, to fling yourself away upon a brute?" + </p> + <p> + "On whom should I fling myself away?" she retorted, with a smile. "Should + I fling myself away upon the man who would the soonest feel (if people do + feel such things) that I took nothing to him? There! It is done. I shall + do well enough, and so will my husband. As to leading me into what you + call this fatal step, Miss Havisham would have had me wait, and not marry + yet; but I am tired of the life I have led, which has very few charms for + me, and I am willing enough to change it. Say no more. We shall never + understand each other." + </p> + <p> + "Such a mean brute, such a stupid brute!" I urged, in despair. + </p> + <p> + "Don't be afraid of my being a blessing to him," said Estella; "I shall + not be that. Come! Here is my hand. Do we part on this, you visionary boy—or + man?" + </p> + <p> + "O Estella!" I answered, as my bitter tears fell fast on her hand, do what + I would to restrain them; "even if I remained in England and could hold my + head up with the rest, how could I see you Drummle's wife?" + </p> + <p> + "Nonsense," she returned,—"nonsense. This will pass in no time." + </p> + <p> + "Never, Estella!" + </p> + <p> + "You will get me out of your thoughts in a week." + </p> + <p> + "Out of my thoughts! You are part of my existence, part of myself. You + have been in every line I have ever read since I first came here, the + rough common boy whose poor heart you wounded even then. You have been in + every prospect I have ever seen since,—on the river, on the sails of + the ships, on the marshes, in the clouds, in the light, in the darkness, + in the wind, in the woods, in the sea, in the streets. You have been the + embodiment of every graceful fancy that my mind has ever become acquainted + with. The stones of which the strongest London buildings are made are not + more real, or more impossible to be displaced by your hands, than your + presence and influence have been to me, there and everywhere, and will be. + Estella, to the last hour of my life, you cannot choose but remain part of + my character, part of the little good in me, part of the evil. But, in + this separation, I associate you only with the good; and I will faithfully + hold you to that always, for you must have done me far more good than + harm, let me feel now what sharp distress I may. O God bless you, God + forgive you!" + </p> + <p> + In what ecstasy of unhappiness I got these broken words out of myself, I + don't know. The rhapsody welled up within me, like blood from an inward + wound, and gushed out. I held her hand to my lips some lingering moments, + and so I left her. But ever afterwards, I remembered,—and soon + afterwards with stronger reason,—that while Estella looked at me + merely with incredulous wonder, the spectral figure of Miss Havisham, her + hand still covering her heart, seemed all resolved into a ghastly stare of + pity and remorse. + </p> + <p> + All done, all gone! So much was done and gone, that when I went out at the + gate, the light of the day seemed of a darker color than when I went in. + For a while, I hid myself among some lanes and by-paths, and then struck + off to walk all the way to London. For, I had by that time come to myself + so far as to consider that I could not go back to the inn and see Drummle + there; that I could not bear to sit upon the coach and be spoken to; that + I could do nothing half so good for myself as tire myself out. + </p> + <p> + It was past midnight when I crossed London Bridge. Pursuing the narrow + intricacies of the streets which at that time tended westward near the + Middlesex shore of the river, my readiest access to the Temple was close + by the river-side, through Whitefriars. I was not expected till to-morrow; + but I had my keys, and, if Herbert were gone to bed, could get to bed + myself without disturbing him. + </p> + <p> + As it seldom happened that I came in at that Whitefriars gate after the + Temple was closed, and as I was very muddy and weary, I did not take it + ill that the night-porter examined me with much attention as he held the + gate a little way open for me to pass in. To help his memory I mentioned + my name. + </p> + <p> + "I was not quite sure, sir, but I thought so. Here's a note, sir. The + messenger that brought it, said would you be so good as read it by my + lantern?" + </p> +<div class="fig" > + <img src="images/0348m.jpg" alt="0348m " /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/0348.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + Much surprised by the request, I took the note. It was directed to Philip + Pip, Esquire, and on the top of the superscription were the words, "PLEASE + READ THIS, HERE." I opened it, the watchman holding up his light, and read + inside, in Wemmick's writing,— + </p> + <p> + "DON'T GO HOME." <a name="link2HCH0045" id="link2HCH0045"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XLV + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">T</span>urning from the Temple gate as soon as I had read the warning, I made the + best of my way to Fleet Street, and there got a late hackney chariot and + drove to the Hummums in Covent Garden. In those times a bed was always to + be got there at any hour of the night, and the chamberlain, letting me in + at his ready wicket, lighted the candle next in order on his shelf, and + showed me straight into the bedroom next in order on his list. It was a + sort of vault on the ground floor at the back, with a despotic monster of + a four-post bedstead in it, straddling over the whole place, putting one + of his arbitrary legs into the fireplace and another into the doorway, and + squeezing the wretched little washing-stand in quite a Divinely Righteous + manner. + </p> + <p> + As I had asked for a night-light, the chamberlain had brought me in, + before he left me, the good old constitutional rushlight of those virtuous + days.—an object like the ghost of a walking-cane, which instantly + broke its back if it were touched, which nothing could ever be lighted at, + and which was placed in solitary confinement at the bottom of a high tin + tower, perforated with round holes that made a staringly wide-awake + pattern on the walls. When I had got into bed, and lay there footsore, + weary, and wretched, I found that I could no more close my own eyes than I + could close the eyes of this foolish Argus. And thus, in the gloom and + death of the night, we stared at one another. + </p> + <p> + What a doleful night! How anxious, how dismal, how long! There was an + inhospitable smell in the room, of cold soot and hot dust; and, as I + looked up into the corners of the tester over my head, I thought what a + number of blue-bottle flies from the butchers', and earwigs from the + market, and grubs from the country, must be holding on up there, lying by + for next summer. This led me to speculate whether any of them ever tumbled + down, and then I fancied that I felt light falls on my face,—a + disagreeable turn of thought, suggesting other and more objectionable + approaches up my back. When I had lain awake a little while, those + extraordinary voices with which silence teems began to make themselves + audible. The closet whispered, the fireplace sighed, the little + washing-stand ticked, and one guitar-string played occasionally in the + chest of drawers. At about the same time, the eyes on the wall acquired a + new expression, and in every one of those staring rounds I saw written, + DON'T GO HOME. + </p> + <p> + Whatever night-fancies and night-noises crowded on me, they never warded + off this DON'T GO HOME. It plaited itself into whatever I thought of, as a + bodily pain would have done. Not long before, I had read in the + newspapers, how a gentleman unknown had come to the Hummums in the night, + and had gone to bed, and had destroyed himself, and had been found in the + morning weltering in blood. It came into my head that he must have + occupied this very vault of mine, and I got out of bed to assure myself + that there were no red marks about; then opened the door to look out into + the passages, and cheer myself with the companionship of a distant light, + near which I knew the chamberlain to be dozing. But all this time, why I + was not to go home, and what had happened at home, and when I should go + home, and whether Provis was safe at home, were questions occupying my + mind so busily, that one might have supposed there could be no more room + in it for any other theme. Even when I thought of Estella, and how we had + parted that day forever, and when I recalled all the circumstances of our + parting, and all her looks and tones, and the action of her fingers while + she knitted,—even then I was pursuing, here and there and + everywhere, the caution, Don't go home. When at last I dozed, in sheer + exhaustion of mind and body, it became a vast shadowy verb which I had to + conjugate. Imperative mood, present tense: Do not thou go home, let him + not go home, let us not go home, do not ye or you go home, let not them go + home. Then potentially: I may not and I cannot go home; and I might not, + could not, would not, and should not go home; until I felt that I was + going distracted, and rolled over on the pillow, and looked at the staring + rounds upon the wall again. + </p> + <p> + I had left directions that I was to be called at seven; for it was plain + that I must see Wemmick before seeing any one else, and equally plain that + this was a case in which his Walworth sentiments only could be taken. It + was a relief to get out of the room where the night had been so miserable, + and I needed no second knocking at the door to startle me from my uneasy + bed. + </p> + <p> + The Castle battlements arose upon my view at eight o'clock. The little + servant happening to be entering the fortress with two hot rolls, I passed + through the postern and crossed the drawbridge in her company, and so came + without announcement into the presence of Wemmick as he was making tea for + himself and the Aged. An open door afforded a perspective view of the Aged + in bed. + </p> + <p> + "Halloa, Mr. Pip!" said Wemmick. "You did come home, then?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes," I returned; "but I didn't go home." + </p> + <p> + "That's all right," said he, rubbing his hands. "I left a note for you at + each of the Temple gates, on the chance. Which gate did you come to?" + </p> + <p> + I told him. + </p> + <p> + "I'll go round to the others in the course of the day and destroy the + notes," said Wemmick; "it's a good rule never to leave documentary + evidence if you can help it, because you don't know when it may be put in. + I'm going to take a liberty with you. <i>Would</i> you mind toasting this sausage + for the Aged P.?" + </p> + <p> + I said I should be delighted to do it. + </p> + <p> + "Then you can go about your work, Mary Anne," said Wemmick to the little + servant; "which leaves us to ourselves, don't you see, Mr. Pip?" he added, + winking, as she disappeared. + </p> + <p> + I thanked him for his friendship and caution, and our discourse proceeded + in a low tone, while I toasted the Aged's sausage and he buttered the + crumb of the Aged's roll. + </p> + <p> + "Now, Mr. Pip, you know," said Wemmick, "you and I understand one another. + We are in our private and personal capacities, and we have been engaged in + a confidential transaction before to-day. Official sentiments are one + thing. We are extra official." + </p> + <p> + I cordially assented. I was so very nervous, that I had already lighted + the Aged's sausage like a torch, and been obliged to blow it out. + </p> + <p> + "I accidentally heard, yesterday morning," said Wemmick, "being in a + certain place where I once took you,—even between you and me, it's + as well not to mention names when avoidable—" + </p> + <p> + "Much better not," said I. "I understand you." + </p> + <p> + "I heard there by chance, yesterday morning," said Wemmick, "that a + certain person not altogether of uncolonial pursuits, and not unpossessed + of portable property,—I don't know who it may really be,—we + won't name this person—" + </p> + <p> + "Not necessary," said I. + </p> + <p> + "—Had made some little stir in a certain part of the world where a + good many people go, not always in gratification of their own + inclinations, and not quite irrespective of the government expense—" + </p> + <p> + In watching his face, I made quite a firework of the Aged's sausage, and + greatly discomposed both my own attention and Wemmick's; for which I + apologized. + </p> + <p> + "—By disappearing from such place, and being no more heard of + thereabouts. From which," said Wemmick, "conjectures had been raised and + theories formed. I also heard that you at your chambers in Garden Court, + Temple, had been watched, and might be watched again." + </p> + <p> + "By whom?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "I wouldn't go into that," said Wemmick, evasively, "it might clash with + official responsibilities. I heard it, as I have in my time heard other + curious things in the same place. I don't tell it you on information + received. I heard it." + </p> + <p> + He took the toasting-fork and sausage from me as he spoke, and set forth + the Aged's breakfast neatly on a little tray. Previous to placing it + before him, he went into the Aged's room with a clean white cloth, and + tied the same under the old gentleman's chin, and propped him up, and put + his nightcap on one side, and gave him quite a rakish air. Then he placed + his breakfast before him with great care, and said, "All right, ain't you, + Aged P.?" To which the cheerful Aged replied, "All right, John, my boy, + all right!" As there seemed to be a tacit understanding that the Aged was + not in a presentable state, and was therefore to be considered invisible, + I made a pretence of being in complete ignorance of these proceedings. + </p> + <p> + "This watching of me at my chambers (which I have once had reason to + suspect)," I said to Wemmick when he came back, "is inseparable from the + person to whom you have adverted; is it?" + </p> + <p> + Wemmick looked very serious. "I couldn't undertake to say that, of my own + knowledge. I mean, I couldn't undertake to say it was at first. But it + either is, or it will be, or it's in great danger of being." + </p> + <p> + As I saw that he was restrained by fealty to Little Britain from saying as + much as he could, and as I knew with thankfulness to him how far out of + his way he went to say what he did, I could not press him. But I told him, + after a little meditation over the fire, that I would like to ask him a + question, subject to his answering or not answering, as he deemed right, + and sure that his course would be right. He paused in his breakfast, and + crossing his arms, and pinching his shirt-sleeves (his notion of in-door + comfort was to sit without any coat), he nodded to me once, to put my + question. + </p> + <p> + "You have heard of a man of bad character, whose true name is Compeyson?" + </p> + <p> + He answered with one other nod. + </p> + <p> + "Is he living?" + </p> + <p> + One other nod. + </p> + <p> + "Is he in London?" + </p> + <p> + He gave me one other nod, compressed the post-office exceedingly, gave me + one last nod, and went on with his breakfast. + </p> + <p> + "Now," said Wemmick, "questioning being over," which he emphasized and + repeated for my guidance, "I come to what I did, after hearing what I + heard. I went to Garden Court to find you; not finding you, I went to + Clarriker's to find Mr. Herbert." + </p> + <p> + "And him you found?" said I, with great anxiety. + </p> + <p> + "And him I found. Without mentioning any names or going into any details, + I gave him to understand that if he was aware of anybody—Tom, Jack, + or Richard—being about the chambers, or about the immediate + neighborhood, he had better get Tom, Jack, or Richard out of the way while + you were out of the way." + </p> + <p> + "He would be greatly puzzled what to do?" + </p> + <p> + "He <i>was</i> puzzled what to do; not the less, because I gave him my opinion + that it was not safe to try to get Tom, Jack, or Richard too far out of + the way at present. Mr. Pip, I'll tell you something. Under existing + circumstances, there is no place like a great city when you are once in + it. Don't break cover too soon. Lie close. Wait till things slacken, + before you try the open, even for foreign air." + </p> + <p> + I thanked him for his valuable advice, and asked him what Herbert had + done? + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Herbert," said Wemmick, "after being all of a heap for half an hour, + struck out a plan. He mentioned to me as a secret, that he is courting a + young lady who has, as no doubt you are aware, a bedridden Pa. Which Pa, + having been in the Purser line of life, lies a-bed in a bow-window where + he can see the ships sail up and down the river. You are acquainted with + the young lady, most probably?" + </p> + <p> + "Not personally," said I. + </p> + <p> + The truth was, that she had objected to me as an expensive companion who + did Herbert no good, and that, when Herbert had first proposed to present + me to her, she had received the proposal with such very moderate warmth, + that Herbert had felt himself obliged to confide the state of the case to + me, with a view to the lapse of a little time before I made her + acquaintance. When I had begun to advance Herbert's prospects by stealth, + I had been able to bear this with cheerful philosophy: he and his + affianced, for their part, had naturally not been very anxious to + introduce a third person into their interviews; and thus, although I was + assured that I had risen in Clara's esteem, and although the young lady + and I had long regularly interchanged messages and remembrances by + Herbert, I had never seen her. However, I did not trouble Wemmick with + these particulars. + </p> + <p> + "The house with the bow-window," said Wemmick, "being by the river-side, + down the Pool there between Limehouse and Greenwich, and being kept, it + seems, by a very respectable widow who has a furnished upper floor to let, + Mr. Herbert put it to me, what did I think of that as a temporary tenement + for Tom, Jack, or Richard? Now, I thought very well of it, for three + reasons I'll give you. That is to say: <i>Firstly</i>. It's altogether out of all + your beats, and is well away from the usual heap of streets great and + small. <i>Secondly</i>. Without going near it yourself, you could always hear of + the safety of Tom, Jack, or Richard, through Mr. Herbert. <i>Thirdly</i>. After a + while and when it might be prudent, if you should want to slip Tom, Jack, + or Richard on board a foreign packet-boat, there he is—ready." + </p> + <p> + Much comforted by these considerations, I thanked Wemmick again and again, + and begged him to proceed. + </p> + <p> + "Well, sir! Mr. Herbert threw himself into the business with a will, and + by nine o'clock last night he housed Tom, Jack, or Richard,—whichever + it may be,—you and I don't want to know,—quite successfully. + At the old lodgings it was understood that he was summoned to Dover, and, + in fact, he was taken down the Dover road and cornered out of it. Now, + another great advantage of all this is, that it was done without you, and + when, if any one was concerning himself about your movements, you must be + known to be ever so many miles off and quite otherwise engaged. This + diverts suspicion and confuses it; and for the same reason I recommended + that, even if you came back last night, you should not go home. It brings + in more confusion, and you want confusion." + </p> + <p> + Wemmick, having finished his breakfast, here looked at his watch, and + began to get his coat on. + </p> + <p> + "And now, Mr. Pip," said he, with his hands still in the sleeves, "I have + probably done the most I can do; but if I can ever do more,—from a + Walworth point of view, and in a strictly private and personal capacity,—I + shall be glad to do it. Here's the address. There can be no harm in your + going here to-night, and seeing for yourself that all is well with Tom, + Jack, or Richard, before you go home,—which is another reason for + your not going home last night. But, after you have gone home, don't go + back here. You are very welcome, I am sure, Mr. Pip"; his hands were now + out of his sleeves, and I was shaking them; "and let me finally impress + one important point upon you." He laid his hands upon my shoulders, and + added in a solemn whisper: "Avail yourself of this evening to lay hold of + his portable property. You don't know what may happen to him. Don't let + anything happen to the portable property." + </p> + <p> + Quite despairing of making my mind clear to Wemmick on this point, I + forbore to try. + </p> + <p> + "Time's up," said Wemmick, "and I must be off. If you had nothing more + pressing to do than to keep here till dark, that's what I should advise. + You look very much worried, and it would do you good to have a perfectly + quiet day with the Aged,—he'll be up presently,—and a little + bit of—you remember the pig?" + </p> + <p> + "Of course," said I. + </p> + <p> + "Well; and a little bit of <i>him</i>. That sausage you toasted was his, and he + was in all respects a first-rater. Do try him, if it is only for old + acquaintance sake. Good by, Aged Parent!" in a cheery shout. + </p> + <p> + "All right, John; all right, my boy!" piped the old man from within. + </p> + <p> + I soon fell asleep before Wemmick's fire, and the Aged and I enjoyed one + another's society by falling asleep before it more or less all day. We had + loin of pork for dinner, and greens grown on the estate; and I nodded at + the Aged with a good intention whenever I failed to do it drowsily. When + it was quite dark, I left the Aged preparing the fire for toast; and I + inferred from the number of teacups, as well as from his glances at the + two little doors in the wall, that Miss Skiffins was expected. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0046" id="link2HCH0046"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XLVI + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">E</span>ight o'clock had struck before I got into the air, that was scented, not + disagreeably, by the chips and shavings of the long-shore boat-builders, + and mast, oar, and block makers. All that water-side region of the upper + and lower Pool below Bridge was unknown ground to me; and when I struck + down by the river, I found that the spot I wanted was not where I had + supposed it to be, and was anything but easy to find. It was called Mill + Pond Bank, Chinks's Basin; and I had no other guide to Chinks's Basin than + the Old Green Copper Rope-walk. + </p> + <p> + It matters not what stranded ships repairing in dry docks I lost myself + among, what old hulls of ships in course of being knocked to pieces, what + ooze and slime and other dregs of tide, what yards of ship-builders and + ship-breakers, what rusty anchors blindly biting into the ground, though + for years off duty, what mountainous country of accumulated casks and + timber, how many ropewalks that were not the Old Green Copper. After + several times falling short of my destination and as often overshooting + it, I came unexpectedly round a corner, upon Mill Pond Bank. It was a + fresh kind of place, all circumstances considered, where the wind from the + river had room to turn itself round; and there were two or three trees in + it, and there was the stump of a ruined windmill, and there was the Old + Green Copper Ropewalk,—whose long and narrow vista I could trace in + the moonlight, along a series of wooden frames set in the ground, that + looked like superannuated haymaking-rakes which had grown old and lost + most of their teeth. + </p> + <p> + Selecting from the few queer houses upon Mill Pond Bank a house with a + wooden front and three stories of bow-window (not bay-window, which is + another thing), I looked at the plate upon the door, and read there, Mrs. + Whimple. That being the name I wanted, I knocked, and an elderly woman of + a pleasant and thriving appearance responded. She was immediately deposed, + however, by Herbert, who silently led me into the parlor and shut the + door. It was an odd sensation to see his very familiar face established + quite at home in that very unfamiliar room and region; and I found myself + looking at him, much as I looked at the corner-cupboard with the glass and + china, the shells upon the chimney-piece, and the colored engravings on + the wall, representing the death of Captain Cook, a ship-launch, and his + Majesty King George the Third in a state coachman's wig, leather-breeches, + and top-boots, on the terrace at Windsor. + </p> + <p> + "All is well, Handel," said Herbert, "and he is quite satisfied, though + eager to see you. My dear girl is with her father; and if you'll wait till + she comes down, I'll make you known to her, and then we'll go up stairs. + <i>That's</i> her father." + </p> + <p> + I had become aware of an alarming growling overhead, and had probably + expressed the fact in my countenance. + </p> + <p> + "I am afraid he is a sad old rascal," said Herbert, smiling, "but I have + never seen him. Don't you smell rum? He is always at it." + </p> + <p> + "At rum?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "Yes," returned Herbert, "and you may suppose how mild it makes his gout. + He persists, too, in keeping all the provisions up stairs in his room, and + serving them out. He keeps them on shelves over his head, and <i>will</i> weigh + them all. His room must be like a chandler's shop." + </p> + <p> + While he thus spoke, the growling noise became a prolonged roar, and then + died away. + </p> + <p> + "What else can be the consequence," said Herbert, in explanation, "if he + <i>will</i> cut the cheese? A man with the gout in his right hand—and + everywhere else—can't expect to get through a Double Gloucester + without hurting himself." + </p> + <p> + He seemed to have hurt himself very much, for he gave another furious + roar. + </p> + <p> + "To have Provis for an upper lodger is quite a godsend to Mrs. Whimple," + said Herbert, "for of course people in general won't stand that noise. A + curious place, Handel; isn't it?" + </p> + <p> + It was a curious place, indeed; but remarkably well kept and clean. + </p> + <p> + "Mrs. Whimple," said Herbert, when I told him so, "is the best of + housewives, and I really do not know what my Clara would do without her + motherly help. For, Clara has no mother of her own, Handel, and no + relation in the world but old Gruffandgrim." + </p> + <p> + "Surely that's not his name, Herbert?" + </p> + <p> + "No, no," said Herbert, "that's my name for him. His name is Mr. Barley. + But what a blessing it is for the son of my father and mother to love a + girl who has no relations, and who can never bother herself or anybody + else about her family!" + </p> + <p> + Herbert had told me on former occasions, and now reminded me, that he + first knew Miss Clara Barley when she was completing her education at an + establishment at Hammersmith, and that on her being recalled home to nurse + her father, he and she had confided their affection to the motherly Mrs. + Whimple, by whom it had been fostered and regulated with equal kindness + and discretion, ever since. It was understood that nothing of a tender + nature could possibly be confided to old Barley, by reason of his being + totally unequal to the consideration of any subject more psychological + than Gout, Rum, and Purser's stores. + </p> + <p> + As we were thus conversing in a low tone while Old Barley's sustained + growl vibrated in the beam that crossed the ceiling, the room door opened, + and a very pretty, slight, dark-eyed girl of twenty or so came in with a + basket in her hand: whom Herbert tenderly relieved of the basket, and + presented, blushing, as "Clara." She really was a most charming girl, and + might have passed for a captive fairy, whom that truculent Ogre, Old + Barley, had pressed into his service. + </p> + <p> + "Look here," said Herbert, showing me the basket, with a compassionate and + tender smile, after we had talked a little; "here's poor Clara's supper, + served out every night. Here's her allowance of bread, and here's her + slice of cheese, and here's her rum,—which I drink. This is Mr. + Barley's breakfast for to-morrow, served out to be cooked. Two + mutton-chops, three potatoes, some split peas, a little flour, two ounces + of butter, a pinch of salt, and all this black pepper. It's stewed up + together, and taken hot, and it's a nice thing for the gout, I should + think!" + </p> + <p> + There was something so natural and winning in Clara's resigned way of + looking at these stores in detail, as Herbert pointed them out; and + something so confiding, loving, and innocent in her modest manner of + yielding herself to Herbert's embracing arm; and something so gentle in + her, so much needing protection on Mill Pond Bank, by Chinks's Basin, and + the Old Green Copper Ropewalk, with Old Barley growling in the beam,—that + I would not have undone the engagement between her and Herbert for all the + money in the pocket-book I had never opened. + </p> + <p> + I was looking at her with pleasure and admiration, when suddenly the growl + swelled into a roar again, and a frightful bumping noise was heard above, + as if a giant with a wooden leg were trying to bore it through the ceiling + to come at us. Upon this Clara said to Herbert, "Papa wants me, darling!" + and ran away. + </p> + <p> + "There is an unconscionable old shark for you!" said Herbert. "What do you + suppose he wants now, Handel?" + </p> + <p> + "I don't know," said I. "Something to drink?" + </p> + <p> + "That's it!" cried Herbert, as if I had made a guess of extraordinary + merit. "He keeps his grog ready mixed in a little tub on the table. Wait a + moment, and you'll hear Clara lift him up to take some. There he goes!" + Another roar, with a prolonged shake at the end. "Now," said Herbert, as + it was succeeded by silence, "he's drinking. Now," said Herbert, as the + growl resounded in the beam once more, "he's down again on his back!" + </p> + <p> + Clara returned soon afterwards, and Herbert accompanied me up stairs to + see our charge. As we passed Mr. Barley's door, he was heard hoarsely + muttering within, in a strain that rose and fell like wind, the following + Refrain, in which I substitute good wishes for something quite the + reverse:— + </p> + <p> + "Ahoy! Bless your eyes, here's old Bill Barley. Here's old Bill Barley, + bless your eyes. Here's old Bill Barley on the flat of his back, by the + Lord. Lying on the flat of his back like a drifting old dead flounder, + here's your old Bill Barley, bless your eyes. Ahoy! Bless you." + </p> + <p> + In this strain of consolation, Herbert informed me the invisible Barley + would commune with himself by the day and night together; Often, while it + was light, having, at the same time, one eye at a telescope which was + fitted on his bed for the convenience of sweeping the river. + </p> + <p> + In his two cabin rooms at the top of the house, which were fresh and airy, + and in which Mr. Barley was less audible than below, I found Provis + comfortably settled. He expressed no alarm, and seemed to feel none that + was worth mentioning; but it struck me that he was softened,—indefinably, + for I could not have said how, and could never afterwards recall how when + I tried, but certainly. + </p> + <p> + The opportunity that the day's rest had given me for reflection had + resulted in my fully determining to say nothing to him respecting + Compeyson. For anything I knew, his animosity towards the man might + otherwise lead to his seeking him out and rushing on his own destruction. + Therefore, when Herbert and I sat down with him by his fire, I asked him + first of all whether he relied on Wemmick's judgment and sources of + information? + </p> + <p> + "Ay, ay, dear boy!" he answered, with a grave nod, "Jaggers knows." + </p> + <p> + "Then, I have talked with Wemmick," said I, "and have come to tell you + what caution he gave me and what advice." + </p> + <p> + This I did accurately, with the reservation just mentioned; and I told him + how Wemmick had heard, in Newgate prison (whether from officers or + prisoners I could not say), that he was under some suspicion, and that my + chambers had been watched; how Wemmick had recommended his keeping close + for a time, and my keeping away from him; and what Wemmick had said about + getting him abroad. I added, that of course, when the time came, I should + go with him, or should follow close upon him, as might be safest in + Wemmick's judgment. What was to follow that I did not touch upon; neither, + indeed, was I at all clear or comfortable about it in my own mind, now + that I saw him in that softer condition, and in declared peril for my + sake. As to altering my way of living by enlarging my expenses, I put it + to him whether in our present unsettled and difficult circumstances, it + would not be simply ridiculous, if it were no worse? + </p> + <p> + He could not deny this, and indeed was very reasonable throughout. His + coming back was a venture, he said, and he had always known it to be a + venture. He would do nothing to make it a desperate venture, and he had + very little fear of his safety with such good help. + </p> + <p> + Herbert, who had been looking at the fire and pondering, here said that + something had come into his thoughts arising out of Wemmick's suggestion, + which it might be worth while to pursue. "We are both good watermen, + Handel, and could take him down the river ourselves when the right time + comes. No boat would then be hired for the purpose, and no boatmen; that + would save at least a chance of suspicion, and any chance is worth saving. + Never mind the season; don't you think it might be a good thing if you + began at once to keep a boat at the Temple stairs, and were in the habit + of rowing up and down the river? You fall into that habit, and then who + notices or minds? Do it twenty or fifty times, and there is nothing + special in your doing it the twenty-first or fifty-first." + </p> + <p> + I liked this scheme, and Provis was quite elated by it. We agreed that it + should be carried into execution, and that Provis should never recognize + us if we came below Bridge, and rowed past Mill Pond Bank. But we further + agreed that he should pull down the blind in that part of his window which + gave upon the east, whenever he saw us and all was right. + </p> + <p> + Our conference being now ended, and everything arranged, I rose to go; + remarking to Herbert that he and I had better not go home together, and + that I would take half an hour's start of him. "I don't like to leave you + here," I said to Provis, "though I cannot doubt your being safer here than + near me. Good by!" + </p> + <p> + "Dear boy," he answered, clasping my hands, "I don't know when we may meet + again, and I don't like good by. Say good night!" + </p> + <p> + "Good night! Herbert will go regularly between us, and when the time comes + you may be certain I shall be ready. Good night, good night!" + </p> + <p> + We thought it best that he should stay in his own rooms; and we left him + on the landing outside his door, holding a light over the stair-rail to + light us down stairs. Looking back at him, I thought of the first night of + his return, when our positions were reversed, and when I little supposed + my heart could ever be as heavy and anxious at parting from him as it was + now. + </p> + <p> + Old Barley was growling and swearing when we repassed his door, with no + appearance of having ceased or of meaning to cease. When we got to the + foot of the stairs, I asked Herbert whether he had preserved the name of + Provis. He replied, certainly not, and that the lodger was Mr. Campbell. + He also explained that the utmost known of Mr. Campbell there was, that he + (Herbert) had Mr. Campbell consigned to him, and felt a strong personal + interest in his being well cared for, and living a secluded life. So, when + we went into the parlor where Mrs. Whimple and Clara were seated at work, + I said nothing of my own interest in Mr. Campbell, but kept it to myself. + </p> + <p> + When I had taken leave of the pretty, gentle, dark-eyed girl, and of the + motherly woman who had not outlived her honest sympathy with a little + affair of true love, I felt as if the Old Green Copper Ropewalk had grown + quite a different place. Old Barley might be as old as the hills, and + might swear like a whole field of troopers, but there were redeeming youth + and trust and hope enough in Chinks's Basin to fill it to overflowing. And + then I thought of Estella, and of our parting, and went home very sadly. + </p> + <p> + All things were as quiet in the Temple as ever I had seen them. The + windows of the rooms on that side, lately occupied by Provis, were dark + and still, and there was no lounger in Garden Court. I walked past the + fountain twice or thrice before I descended the steps that were between me + and my rooms, but I was quite alone. Herbert, coming to my bedside when he + came in,—for I went straight to bed, dispirited and fatigued,—made + the same report. Opening one of the windows after that, he looked out into + the moonlight, and told me that the pavement was a solemnly empty as the + pavement of any cathedral at that same hour. + </p> + <p> + Next day I set myself to get the boat. It was soon done, and the boat was + brought round to the Temple stairs, and lay where I could reach her within + a minute or two. Then, I began to go out as for training and practice: + sometimes alone, sometimes with Herbert. I was often out in cold, rain, + and sleet, but nobody took much note of me after I had been out a few + times. At first, I kept above Blackfriars Bridge; but as the hours of the + tide changed, I took towards London Bridge. It was Old London Bridge in + those days, and at certain states of the tide there was a race and fall of + water there which gave it a bad reputation. But I knew well enough how to + 'shoot' the bridge after seeing it done, and so began to row about among + the shipping in the Pool, and down to Erith. The first time I passed Mill + Pond Bank, Herbert and I were pulling a pair of oars; and, both in going + and returning, we saw the blind towards the east come down. Herbert was + rarely there less frequently than three times in a week, and he never + brought me a single word of intelligence that was at all alarming. Still, + I knew that there was cause for alarm, and I could not get rid of the + notion of being watched. Once received, it is a haunting idea; how many + undesigning persons I suspected of watching me, it would be hard to + calculate. + </p> + <p> + In short, I was always full of fears for the rash man who was in hiding. + Herbert had sometimes said to me that he found it pleasant to stand at one + of our windows after dark, when the tide was running down, and to think + that it was flowing, with everything it bore, towards Clara. But I thought + with dread that it was flowing towards Magwitch, and that any black mark + on its surface might be his pursuers, going swiftly, silently, and surely, + to take him. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0047" id="link2HCH0047"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XLVII + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">S</span>ome weeks passed without bringing any change. We waited for Wemmick, and + he made no sign. If I had never known him out of Little Britain, and had + never enjoyed the privilege of being on a familiar footing at the Castle, + I might have doubted him; not so for a moment, knowing him as I did. + </p> + <p> + My worldly affairs began to wear a gloomy appearance, and I was pressed + for money by more than one creditor. Even I myself began to know the want + of money (I mean of ready money in my own pocket), and to relieve it by + converting some easily spared articles of jewelery into cash. But I had + quite determined that it would be a heartless fraud to take more money + from my patron in the existing state of my uncertain thoughts and plans. + Therefore, I had sent him the unopened pocket-book by Herbert, to hold in + his own keeping, and I felt a kind of satisfaction—whether it was a + false kind or a true, I hardly know—in not having profited by his + generosity since his revelation of himself. + </p> + <p> + As the time wore on, an impression settled heavily upon me that Estella + was married. Fearful of having it confirmed, though it was all but a + conviction, I avoided the newspapers, and begged Herbert (to whom I had + confided the circumstances of our last interview) never to speak of her to + me. Why I hoarded up this last wretched little rag of the robe of hope + that was rent and given to the winds, how do I know? Why did you who read + this, commit that not dissimilar inconsistency of your own last year, last + month, last week? + </p> + <p> + It was an unhappy life that I lived; and its one dominant anxiety, + towering over all its other anxieties, like a high mountain above a range + of mountains, never disappeared from my view. Still, no new cause for fear + arose. Let me start from my bed as I would, with the terror fresh upon me + that he was discovered; let me sit listening, as I would with dread, for + Herbert's returning step at night, lest it should be fleeter than + ordinary, and winged with evil news,—for all that, and much more to + like purpose, the round of things went on. Condemned to inaction and a + state of constant restlessness and suspense, I rowed about in my boat, and + waited, waited, waited, as I best could. + </p> + <p> + There were states of the tide when, having been down the river, I could + not get back through the eddy-chafed arches and starlings of old London + Bridge; then, I left my boat at a wharf near the Custom House, to be + brought up afterwards to the Temple stairs. I was not averse to doing + this, as it served to make me and my boat a commoner incident among the + water-side people there. From this slight occasion sprang two meetings + that I have now to tell of. + </p> + <p> + One afternoon, late in the month of February, I came ashore at the wharf + at dusk. I had pulled down as far as Greenwich with the ebb tide, and had + turned with the tide. It had been a fine bright day, but had become foggy + as the sun dropped, and I had had to feel my way back among the shipping, + pretty carefully. Both in going and returning, I had seen the signal in + his window, All well. + </p> + <p> + As it was a raw evening, and I was cold, I thought I would comfort myself + with dinner at once; and as I had hours of dejection and solitude before + me if I went home to the Temple, I thought I would afterwards go to the + play. The theatre where Mr. Wopsle had achieved his questionable triumph + was in that water-side neighborhood (it is nowhere now), and to that + theatre I resolved to go. I was aware that Mr. Wopsle had not succeeded in + reviving the Drama, but, on the contrary, had rather partaken of its + decline. He had been ominously heard of, through the play-bills, as a + faithful Black, in connection with a little girl of noble birth, and a + monkey. And Herbert had seen him as a predatory Tartar of comic + propensities, with a face like a red brick, and an outrageous hat all over + bells. + </p> + <p> + I dined at what Herbert and I used to call a geographical chop-house, + where there were maps of the world in porter-pot rims on every half-yard + of the tablecloths, and charts of gravy on every one of the knives,—to + this day there is scarcely a single chop-house within the Lord Mayor's + dominions which is not geographical,—and wore out the time in dozing + over crumbs, staring at gas, and baking in a hot blast of dinners. By and + by, I roused myself, and went to the play. + </p> + <p> + There, I found a virtuous boatswain in His Majesty's service,—a most + excellent man, though I could have wished his trousers not quite so tight + in some places, and not quite so loose in others,—who knocked all + the little men's hats over their eyes, though he was very generous and + brave, and who wouldn't hear of anybody's paying taxes, though he was very + patriotic. He had a bag of money in his pocket, like a pudding in the + cloth, and on that property married a young person in bed-furniture, with + great rejoicings; the whole population of Portsmouth (nine in number at + the last census) turning out on the beach to rub their own hands and shake + everybody else's, and sing "Fill, fill!" A certain dark-complexioned Swab, + however, who wouldn't fill, or do anything else that was proposed to him, + and whose heart was openly stated (by the boatswain) to be as black as his + figure-head, proposed to two other Swabs to get all mankind into + difficulties; which was so effectually done (the Swab family having + considerable political influence) that it took half the evening to set + things right, and then it was only brought about through an honest little + grocer with a white hat, black gaiters, and red nose, getting into a + clock, with a gridiron, and listening, and coming out, and knocking + everybody down from behind with the gridiron whom he couldn't confute with + what he had overheard. This led to Mr. Wopsle's (who had never been heard + of before) coming in with a star and garter on, as a plenipotentiary of + great power direct from the Admiralty, to say that the Swabs were all to + go to prison on the spot, and that he had brought the boatswain down the + Union Jack, as a slight acknowledgment of his public services. The + boatswain, unmanned for the first time, respectfully dried his eyes on the + Jack, and then cheering up, and addressing Mr. Wopsle as Your Honor, + solicited permission to take him by the fin. Mr. Wopsle, conceding his fin + with a gracious dignity, was immediately shoved into a dusty corner, while + everybody danced a hornpipe; and from that corner, surveying the public + with a discontented eye, became aware of me. + </p> + <p> + The second piece was the last new grand comic Christmas pantomime, in the + first scene of which, it pained me to suspect that I detected Mr. Wopsle + with red worsted legs under a highly magnified phosphoric countenance and + a shock of red curtain-fringe for his hair, engaged in the manufacture of + thunderbolts in a mine, and displaying great cowardice when his gigantic + master came home (very hoarse) to dinner. But he presently presented + himself under worthier circumstances; for, the Genius of Youthful Love + being in want of assistance,—on account of the parental brutality of + an ignorant farmer who opposed the choice of his daughter's heart, by + purposely falling upon the object, in a flour-sack, out of the first-floor + window,—summoned a sententious Enchanter; and he, coming up from the + antipodes rather unsteadily, after an apparently violent journey, proved + to be Mr. Wopsle in a high-crowned hat, with a necromantic work in one + volume under his arm. The business of this enchanter on earth being + principally to be talked at, sung at, butted at, danced at, and flashed at + with fires of various colors, he had a good deal of time on his hands. And + I observed, with great surprise, that he devoted it to staring in my + direction as if he were lost in amazement. + </p> + <p> + There was something so remarkable in the increasing glare of Mr. Wopsle's + eye, and he seemed to be turning so many things over in his mind and to + grow so confused, that I could not make it out. I sat thinking of it long + after he had ascended to the clouds in a large watch-case, and still I + could not make it out. I was still thinking of it when I came out of the + theatre an hour afterwards, and found him waiting for me near the door. + </p> + <p> + "How do you do?" said I, shaking hands with him as we turned down the + street together. "I saw that you saw me." + </p> + <p> + "Saw you, Mr. Pip!" he returned. "Yes, of course I saw you. But who else + was there?" + </p> + <p> + "Who else?" + </p> + <p> + "It is the strangest thing," said Mr. Wopsle, drifting into his lost look + again; "and yet I could swear to him." + </p> + <p> + Becoming alarmed, I entreated Mr. Wopsle to explain his meaning. + </p> + <p> + "Whether I should have noticed him at first but for your being there," + said Mr. Wopsle, going on in the same lost way, "I can't be positive; yet + I think I should." + </p> + <p> + Involuntarily I looked round me, as I was accustomed to look round me when + I went home; for these mysterious words gave me a chill. + </p> + <p> + "Oh! He can't be in sight," said Mr. Wopsle. "He went out before I went + off. I saw him go." + </p> + <p> + Having the reason that I had for being suspicious, I even suspected this + poor actor. I mistrusted a design to entrap me into some admission. + Therefore I glanced at him as we walked on together, but said nothing. + </p> + <p> + "I had a ridiculous fancy that he must be with you, Mr. Pip, till I saw + that you were quite unconscious of him, sitting behind you there like a + ghost." + </p> + <p> + My former chill crept over me again, but I was resolved not to speak yet, + for it was quite consistent with his words that he might be set on to + induce me to connect these references with Provis. Of course, I was + perfectly sure and safe that Provis had not been there. + </p> + <p> + "I dare say you wonder at me, Mr. Pip; indeed, I see you do. But it is so + very strange! You'll hardly believe what I am going to tell you. I could + hardly believe it myself, if you told me." + </p> + <p> + "Indeed?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "No, indeed. Mr. Pip, you remember in old times a certain Christmas Day, + when you were quite a child, and I dined at Gargery's, and some soldiers + came to the door to get a pair of handcuffs mended?" + </p> + <p> + "I remember it very well." + </p> + <p> + "And you remember that there was a chase after two convicts, and that we + joined in it, and that Gargery took you on his back, and that I took the + lead, and you kept up with me as well as you could?" + </p> + <p> + "I remember it all very well." Better than he thought,—except the + last clause. + </p> + <p> + "And you remember that we came up with the two in a ditch, and that there + was a scuffle between them, and that one of them had been severely handled + and much mauled about the face by the other?" + </p> + <p> + "I see it all before me." + </p> + <p> + "And that the soldiers lighted torches, and put the two in the centre, and + that we went on to see the last of them, over the black marshes, with the + torchlight shining on their faces,—I am particular about that,—with + the torchlight shining on their faces, when there was an outer ring of + dark night all about us?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes," said I. "I remember all that." + </p> + <p> + "Then, Mr. Pip, one of those two prisoners sat behind you tonight. I saw + him over your shoulder." + </p> + <p> + "Steady!" I thought. I asked him then, "Which of the two do you suppose + you saw?" + </p> + <p> + "The one who had been mauled," he answered readily, "and I'll swear I saw + him! The more I think of him, the more certain I am of him." + </p> + <p> + "This is very curious!" said I, with the best assumption I could put on of + its being nothing more to me. "Very curious indeed!" + </p> + <p> + I cannot exaggerate the enhanced disquiet into which this conversation + threw me, or the special and peculiar terror I felt at Compeyson's having + been behind me "like a ghost." For if he had ever been out of my thoughts + for a few moments together since the hiding had begun, it was in those + very moments when he was closest to me; and to think that I should be so + unconscious and off my guard after all my care was as if I had shut an + avenue of a hundred doors to keep him out, and then had found him at my + elbow. I could not doubt, either, that he was there, because I was there, + and that, however slight an appearance of danger there might be about us, + danger was always near and active. + </p> + <p> + I put such questions to Mr. Wopsle as, When did the man come in? He could + not tell me that; he saw me, and over my shoulder he saw the man. It was + not until he had seen him for some time that he began to identify him; but + he had from the first vaguely associated him with me, and known him as + somehow belonging to me in the old village time. How was he dressed? + Prosperously, but not noticeably otherwise; he thought, in black. Was his + face at all disfigured? No, he believed not. I believed not too, for, + although in my brooding state I had taken no especial notice of the people + behind me, I thought it likely that a face at all disfigured would have + attracted my attention. + </p> + <p> + When Mr. Wopsle had imparted to me all that he could recall or I extract, + and when I had treated him to a little appropriate refreshment, after the + fatigues of the evening, we parted. It was between twelve and one o'clock + when I reached the Temple, and the gates were shut. No one was near me + when I went in and went home. + </p> + <p> + Herbert had come in, and we held a very serious council by the fire. But + there was nothing to be done, saving to communicate to Wemmick what I had + that night found out, and to remind him that we waited for his hint. As I + thought that I might compromise him if I went too often to the Castle, I + made this communication by letter. I wrote it before I went to bed, and + went out and posted it; and again no one was near me. Herbert and I agreed + that we could do nothing else but be very cautious. And we were very + cautious indeed,—more cautious than before, if that were possible,—and + I for my part never went near Chinks's Basin, except when I rowed by, and + then I only looked at Mill Pond Bank as I looked at anything else. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0048" id="link2HCH0048"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XLVIII + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">T</span>he second of the two meetings referred to in the last chapter occurred + about a week after the first. I had again left my boat at the wharf below + Bridge; the time was an hour earlier in the afternoon; and, undecided + where to dine, I had strolled up into Cheapside, and was strolling along + it, surely the most unsettled person in all the busy concourse, when a + large hand was laid upon my shoulder by some one overtaking me. It was Mr. + Jaggers's hand, and he passed it through my arm. + </p> + <p> + "As we are going in the same direction, Pip, we may walk together. Where + are you bound for?" + </p> + <p> + "For the Temple, I think," said I. + </p> + <p> + "Don't you know?" said Mr. Jaggers. + </p> + <p> + "Well," I returned, glad for once to get the better of him in + cross-examination, "I do <i>not</i> know, for I have not made up my mind." + </p> + <p> + "You are going to dine?" said Mr. Jaggers. "You don't mind admitting that, + I suppose?" + </p> + <p> + "No," I returned, "I don't mind admitting that." + </p> + <p> + "And are not engaged?" + </p> + <p> + "I don't mind admitting also that I am not engaged." + </p> + <p> + "Then," said Mr. Jaggers, "come and dine with me." + </p> + <p> + I was going to excuse myself, when he added, "Wemmick's coming." So I + changed my excuse into an acceptance,—the few words I had uttered, + serving for the beginning of either,—and we went along Cheapside and + slanted off to Little Britain, while the lights were springing up + brilliantly in the shop windows, and the street lamp-lighters, scarcely + finding ground enough to plant their ladders on in the midst of the + afternoon's bustle, were skipping up and down and running in and out, + opening more red eyes in the gathering fog than my rushlight tower at the + Hummums had opened white eyes in the ghostly wall. + </p> + <p> + At the office in Little Britain there was the usual letter-writing, + hand-washing, candle-snuffing, and safe-locking, that closed the business + of the day. As I stood idle by Mr. Jaggers's fire, its rising and falling + flame made the two casts on the shelf look as if they were playing a + diabolical game at bo-peep with me; while the pair of coarse, fat office + candles that dimly lighted Mr. Jaggers as he wrote in a corner were + decorated with dirty winding-sheets, as if in remembrance of a host of + hanged clients. + </p> + <p> + We went to Gerrard Street, all three together, in a hackney-coach: And, as + soon as we got there, dinner was served. Although I should not have + thought of making, in that place, the most distant reference by so much as + a look to Wemmick's Walworth sentiments, yet I should have had no + objection to catching his eye now and then in a friendly way. But it was + not to be done. He turned his eyes on Mr. Jaggers whenever he raised them + from the table, and was as dry and distant to me as if there were twin + Wemmicks, and this was the wrong one. + </p> + <p> + "Did you send that note of Miss Havisham's to Mr. Pip, Wemmick?" Mr. + Jaggers asked, soon after we began dinner. + </p> + <p> + "No, sir," returned Wemmick; "it was going by post, when you brought Mr. + Pip into the office. Here it is." He handed it to his principal instead of + to me. + </p> + <p> + "It's a note of two lines, Pip," said Mr. Jaggers, handing it on, "sent up + to me by Miss Havisham on account of her not being sure of your address. + She tells me that she wants to see you on a little matter of business you + mentioned to her. You'll go down?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes," said I, casting my eyes over the note, which was exactly in those + terms. + </p> + <p> + "When do you think of going down?" + </p> + <p> + "I have an impending engagement," said I, glancing at Wemmick, who was + putting fish into the post-office, "that renders me rather uncertain of my + time. At once, I think." + </p> + <p> + "If Mr. Pip has the intention of going at once," said Wemmick to Mr. + Jaggers, "he needn't write an answer, you know." + </p> + <p> + Receiving this as an intimation that it was best not to delay, I settled + that I would go to-morrow, and said so. Wemmick drank a glass of wine, and + looked with a grimly satisfied air at Mr. Jaggers, but not at me. + </p> + <p> + "So, Pip! Our friend the Spider," said Mr. Jaggers, "has played his cards. + He has won the pool." + </p> + <p> + It was as much as I could do to assent. + </p> + <p> + "Hah! He is a promising fellow—in his way—but he may not have + it all his own way. The stronger will win in the end, but the stronger has + to be found out first. If he should turn to, and beat her—" + </p> + <p> + "Surely," I interrupted, with a burning face and heart, "you do not + seriously think that he is scoundrel enough for that, Mr. Jaggers?" + </p> + <p> + "I didn't say so, Pip. I am putting a case. If he should turn to and beat + her, he may possibly get the strength on his side; if it should be a + question of intellect, he certainly will not. It would be chance work to + give an opinion how a fellow of that sort will turn out in such + circumstances, because it's a toss-up between two results." + </p> + <p> + "May I ask what they are?" + </p> + <p> + "A fellow like our friend the Spider," answered Mr. Jaggers, "either beats + or cringes. He may cringe and growl, or cringe and not growl; but he + either beats or cringes. Ask Wemmick <i>his</i> opinion." + </p> + <p> + "Either beats or cringes," said Wemmick, not at all addressing himself to + me. + </p> + <p> + "So here's to Mrs. Bentley Drummle," said Mr. Jaggers, taking a decanter + of choicer wine from his dumb-waiter, and filling for each of us and for + himself, "and may the question of supremacy be settled to the lady's + satisfaction! To the satisfaction of the lady <i>and</i> the gentleman, it never + will be. Now, Molly, Molly, Molly, Molly, how slow you are to-day!" + </p> + <p> + She was at his elbow when he addressed her, putting a dish upon the table. + As she withdrew her hands from it, she fell back a step or two, nervously + muttering some excuse. And a certain action of her fingers, as she spoke, + arrested my attention. + </p> + <p> + "What's the matter?" said Mr. Jaggers. + </p> + <p> + "Nothing. Only the subject we were speaking of," said I, "was rather + painful to me." + </p> + <p> + The action of her fingers was like the action of knitting. She stood + looking at her master, not understanding whether she was free to go, or + whether he had more to say to her and would call her back if she did go. + Her look was very intent. Surely, I had seen exactly such eyes and such + hands on a memorable occasion very lately! + </p> + <p> + He dismissed her, and she glided out of the room. But she remained before + me as plainly as if she were still there. I looked at those hands, I + looked at those eyes, I looked at that flowing hair; and I compared them + with other hands, other eyes, other hair, that I knew of, and with what + those might be after twenty years of a brutal husband and a stormy life. I + looked again at those hands and eyes of the housekeeper, and thought of + the inexplicable feeling that had come over me when I last walked—not + alone—in the ruined garden, and through the deserted brewery. I + thought how the same feeling had come back when I saw a face looking at + me, and a hand waving to me from a stage-coach window; and how it had come + back again and had flashed about me like lightning, when I had passed in a + carriage—not alone—through a sudden glare of light in a dark + street. I thought how one link of association had helped that + identification in the theatre, and how such a link, wanting before, had + been riveted for me now, when I had passed by a chance swift from + Estella's name to the fingers with their knitting action, and the + attentive eyes. And I felt absolutely certain that this woman was + Estella's mother. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Jaggers had seen me with Estella, and was not likely to have missed + the sentiments I had been at no pains to conceal. He nodded when I said + the subject was painful to me, clapped me on the back, put round the wine + again, and went on with his dinner. + </p> + <p> + Only twice more did the housekeeper reappear, and then her stay in the + room was very short, and Mr. Jaggers was sharp with her. But her hands + were Estella's hands, and her eyes were Estella's eyes, and if she had + reappeared a hundred times I could have been neither more sure nor less + sure that my conviction was the truth. + </p> + <p> + It was a dull evening, for Wemmick drew his wine, when it came round, + quite as a matter of business,—just as he might have drawn his + salary when that came round,—and with his eyes on his chief, sat in + a state of perpetual readiness for cross-examination. As to the quantity + of wine, his post-office was as indifferent and ready as any other + post-office for its quantity of letters. From my point of view, he was the + wrong twin all the time, and only externally like the Wemmick of Walworth. + </p> + <p> + We took our leave early, and left together. Even when we were groping + among Mr. Jaggers's stock of boots for our hats, I felt that the right + twin was on his way back; and we had not gone half a dozen yards down + Gerrard Street in the Walworth direction, before I found that I was + walking arm in arm with the right twin, and that the wrong twin had + evaporated into the evening air. + </p> + <p> + "Well!" said Wemmick, "that's over! He's a wonderful man, without his + living likeness; but I feel that I have to screw myself up when I dine + with him,—and I dine more comfortably unscrewed." + </p> + <p> + I felt that this was a good statement of the case, and told him so. + </p> + <p> + "Wouldn't say it to anybody but yourself," he answered. "I know that what + is said between you and me goes no further." + </p> + <p> + I asked him if he had ever seen Miss Havisham's adopted daughter, Mrs. + Bentley Drummle. He said no. To avoid being too abrupt, I then spoke of + the Aged and of Miss Skiffins. He looked rather sly when I mentioned Miss + Skiffins, and stopped in the street to blow his nose, with a roll of the + head, and a flourish not quite free from latent boastfulness. + </p> + <p> + "Wemmick," said I, "do you remember telling me, before I first went to Mr. + Jaggers's private house, to notice that housekeeper?" + </p> + <p> + "Did I?" he replied. "Ah, I dare say I did. Deuce take me," he added, + suddenly, "I know I did. I find I am not quite unscrewed yet." + </p> + <p> + "A wild beast tamed, you called her." + </p> + <p> + "And what do <i>you</i> call her?" + </p> + <p> + "The same. How did Mr. Jaggers tame her, Wemmick?" + </p> + <p> + "That's his secret. She has been with him many a long year." + </p> + <p> + "I wish you would tell me her story. I feel a particular interest in being + acquainted with it. You know that what is said between you and me goes no + further." + </p> + <p> + "Well!" Wemmick replied, "I don't know her story,—that is, I don't + know all of it. But what I do know I'll tell you. We are in our private + and personal capacities, of course." + </p> + <p> + "Of course." + </p> + <p> + "A score or so of years ago, that woman was tried at the Old Bailey for + murder, and was acquitted. She was a very handsome young woman, and I + believe had some gypsy blood in her. Anyhow, it was hot enough when it was + up, as you may suppose." + </p> + <p> + "But she was acquitted." + </p> + <p> + "Mr. Jaggers was for her," pursued Wemmick, with a look full of meaning, + "and worked the case in a way quite astonishing. It was a desperate case, + and it was comparatively early days with him then, and he worked it to + general admiration; in fact, it may almost be said to have made him. He + worked it himself at the police-office, day after day for many days, + contending against even a committal; and at the trial where he couldn't + work it himself, sat under counsel, and—every one knew—put in + all the salt and pepper. The murdered person was a woman,—a woman a + good ten years older, very much larger, and very much stronger. It was a + case of jealousy. They both led tramping lives, and this woman in Gerrard + Street here had been married very young, over the broomstick (as we say), + to a tramping man, and was a perfect fury in point of jealousy. The + murdered woman,—more a match for the man, certainly, in point of + years—was found dead in a barn near Hounslow Heath. There had been a + violent struggle, perhaps a fight. She was bruised and scratched and torn, + and had been held by the throat, at last, and choked. Now, there was no + reasonable evidence to implicate any person but this woman, and on the + improbabilities of her having been able to do it Mr. Jaggers principally + rested his case. You may be sure," said Wemmick, touching me on the + sleeve, "that he never dwelt upon the strength of her hands then, though + he sometimes does now." + </p> + <p> + I had told Wemmick of his showing us her wrists, that day of the dinner + party. + </p> + <p> + "Well, sir!" Wemmick went on; "it happened—happened, don't you see?—that + this woman was so very artfully dressed from the time of her apprehension, + that she looked much slighter than she really was; in particular, her + sleeves are always remembered to have been so skilfully contrived that her + arms had quite a delicate look. She had only a bruise or two about her,—nothing + for a tramp,—but the backs of her hands were lacerated, and the + question was, Was it with finger-nails? Now, Mr. Jaggers showed that she + had struggled through a great lot of brambles which were not as high as + her face; but which she could not have got through and kept her hands out + of; and bits of those brambles were actually found in her skin and put in + evidence, as well as the fact that the brambles in question were found on + examination to have been broken through, and to have little shreds of her + dress and little spots of blood upon them here and there. But the boldest + point he made was this: it was attempted to be set up, in proof of her + jealousy, that she was under strong suspicion of having, at about the time + of the murder, frantically destroyed her child by this man—some + three years old—to revenge herself upon him. Mr. Jaggers worked that + in this way: "We say these are not marks of finger-nails, but marks of + brambles, and we show you the brambles. You say they are marks of + finger-nails, and you set up the hypothesis that she destroyed her child. + You must accept all consequences of that hypothesis. For anything we know, + she may have destroyed her child, and the child in clinging to her may + have scratched her hands. What then? You are not trying her for the murder + of her child; why don't you? As to this case, if you <i>will</i> have scratches, + we say that, for anything we know, you may have accounted for them, + assuming for the sake of argument that you have not invented them?" "To + sum up, sir," said Wemmick, "Mr. Jaggers was altogether too many for the + jury, and they gave in." + </p> + <p> + "Has she been in his service ever since?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes; but not only that," said Wemmick, "she went into his service + immediately after her acquittal, tamed as she is now. She has since been + taught one thing and another in the way of her duties, but she was tamed + from the beginning." + </p> + <p> + "Do you remember the sex of the child?" + </p> + <p> + "Said to have been a girl." + </p> + <p> + "You have nothing more to say to me to-night?" + </p> + <p> + "Nothing. I got your letter and destroyed it. Nothing." + </p> + <p> + We exchanged a cordial good-night, and I went home, with new matter for my + thoughts, though with no relief from the old. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0049" id="link2HCH0049"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XLIX + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">P</span>utting Miss Havisham's note in my pocket, that it might serve as my + credentials for so soon reappearing at Satis House, in case her + waywardness should lead her to express any surprise at seeing me, I went + down again by the coach next day. But I alighted at the Halfway House, and + breakfasted there, and walked the rest of the distance; for I sought to + get into the town quietly by the unfrequented ways, and to leave it in the + same manner. + </p> + <p> + The best light of the day was gone when I passed along the quiet echoing + courts behind the High Street. The nooks of ruin where the old monks had + once had their refectories and gardens, and where the strong walls were + now pressed into the service of humble sheds and stables, were almost as + silent as the old monks in their graves. The cathedral chimes had at once + a sadder and a more remote sound to me, as I hurried on avoiding + observation, than they had ever had before; so, the swell of the old organ + was borne to my ears like funeral music; and the rooks, as they hovered + about the gray tower and swung in the bare high trees of the priory + garden, seemed to call to me that the place was changed, and that Estella + was gone out of it for ever. + </p> + <p> + An elderly woman, whom I had seen before as one of the servants who lived + in the supplementary house across the back courtyard, opened the gate. The + lighted candle stood in the dark passage within, as of old, and I took it + up and ascended the staircase alone. Miss Havisham was not in her own + room, but was in the larger room across the landing. Looking in at the + door, after knocking in vain, I saw her sitting on the hearth in a ragged + chair, close before, and lost in the contemplation of, the ashy fire. + </p> + <p> + Doing as I had often done, I went in, and stood touching the old + chimney-piece, where she could see me when she raised her eyes. There was + an air of utter loneliness upon her, that would have moved me to pity + though she had wilfully done me a deeper injury than I could charge her + with. As I stood compassionating her, and thinking how, in the progress of + time, I too had come to be a part of the wrecked fortunes of that house, + her eyes rested on me. She stared, and said in a low voice, "Is it real?" + </p> + <p> + "It is I, Pip. Mr. Jaggers gave me your note yesterday, and I have lost no + time." + </p> + <p> + "Thank you. Thank you." + </p> + <p> + As I brought another of the ragged chairs to the hearth and sat down, I + remarked a new expression on her face, as if she were afraid of me. + </p> + <p> + "I want," she said, "to pursue that subject you mentioned to me when you + were last here, and to show you that I am not all stone. But perhaps you + can never believe, now, that there is anything human in my heart?" + </p> + <p> + When I said some reassuring words, she stretched out her tremulous right + hand, as though she was going to touch me; but she recalled it again + before I understood the action, or knew how to receive it. + </p> + <p> + "You said, speaking for your friend, that you could tell me how to do + something useful and good. Something that you would like done, is it not?" + </p> + <p> + "Something that I would like done very much." + </p> + <p> + "What is it?" + </p> + <p> + I began explaining to her that secret history of the partnership. I had + not got far into it, when I judged from her looks that she was thinking in + a discursive way of me, rather than of what I said. It seemed to be so; + for, when I stopped speaking, many moments passed before she showed that + she was conscious of the fact. + </p> + <p> + "Do you break off," she asked then, with her former air of being afraid of + me, "because you hate me too much to bear to speak to me?" + </p> + <p> + "No, no," I answered, "how can you think so, Miss Havisham! I stopped + because I thought you were not following what I said." + </p> + <p> + "Perhaps I was not," she answered, putting a hand to her head. "Begin + again, and let me look at something else. Stay! Now tell me." + </p> + <p> + She set her hand upon her stick in the resolute way that sometimes was + habitual to her, and looked at the fire with a strong expression of + forcing herself to attend. I went on with my explanation, and told her how + I had hoped to complete the transaction out of my means, but how in this I + was disappointed. That part of the subject (I reminded her) involved + matters which could form no part of my explanation, for they were the + weighty secrets of another. + </p> + <p> + "So!" said she, assenting with her head, but not looking at me. "And how + much money is wanting to complete the purchase?" + </p> + <p> + I was rather afraid of stating it, for it sounded a large sum. "Nine + hundred pounds." + </p> + <p> + "If I give you the money for this purpose, will you keep my secret as you + have kept your own?" + </p> + <p> + "Quite as faithfully." + </p> + <p> + "And your mind will be more at rest?" + </p> + <p> + "Much more at rest." + </p> + <p> + "Are you very unhappy now?" + </p> + <p> + She asked this question, still without looking at me, but in an unwonted + tone of sympathy. I could not reply at the moment, for my voice failed me. + She put her left arm across the head of her stick, and softly laid her + forehead on it. + </p> + <p> + "I am far from happy, Miss Havisham; but I have other causes of disquiet + than any you know of. They are the secrets I have mentioned." + </p> + <p> + After a little while, she raised her head, and looked at the fire again. + </p> + <p> + "It is noble in you to tell me that you have other causes of unhappiness, + Is it true?" + </p> + <p> + "Too true." + </p> + <p> + "Can I only serve you, Pip, by serving your friend? Regarding that as + done, is there nothing I can do for you yourself?" + </p> + <p> + "Nothing. I thank you for the question. I thank you even more for the tone + of the question. But there is nothing." + </p> + <p> + She presently rose from her seat, and looked about the blighted room for + the means of writing. There were none there, and she took from her pocket + a yellow set of ivory tablets, mounted in tarnished gold, and wrote upon + them with a pencil in a case of tarnished gold that hung from her neck. + </p> + <p> + "You are still on friendly terms with Mr. Jaggers?" + </p> + <p> + "Quite. I dined with him yesterday." + </p> + <p> + "This is an authority to him to pay you that money, to lay out at your + irresponsible discretion for your friend. I keep no money here; but if you + would rather Mr. Jaggers knew nothing of the matter, I will send it to + you." + </p> + <p> + "Thank you, Miss Havisham; I have not the least objection to receiving it + from him." + </p> + <p> + She read me what she had written; and it was direct and clear, and + evidently intended to absolve me from any suspicion of profiting by the + receipt of the money. I took the tablets from her hand, and it trembled + again, and it trembled more as she took off the chain to which the pencil + was attached, and put it in mine. All this she did without looking at me. + </p> + <p> + "My name is on the first leaf. If you can ever write under my name, "I + forgive her," though ever so long after my broken heart is dust pray do + it!" + </p> + <p> + "O Miss Havisham," said I, "I can do it now. There have been sore + mistakes; and my life has been a blind and thankless one; and I want + forgiveness and direction far too much, to be bitter with you." + </p> + <p> + She turned her face to me for the first time since she had averted it, + and, to my amazement, I may even add to my terror, dropped on her knees at + my feet; with her folded hands raised to me in the manner in which, when + her poor heart was young and fresh and whole, they must often have been + raised to heaven from her mother's side. + </p> + <p> + To see her with her white hair and her worn face kneeling at my feet gave + me a shock through all my frame. I entreated her to rise, and got my arms + about her to help her up; but she only pressed that hand of mine which was + nearest to her grasp, and hung her head over it and wept. I had never seen + her shed a tear before, and, in the hope that the relief might do her + good, I bent over her without speaking. She was not kneeling now, but was + down upon the ground. + </p> + <p> + "O!" she cried, despairingly. "What have I done! What have I done!" + </p> + <p> + "If you mean, Miss Havisham, what have you done to injure me, let me + answer. Very little. I should have loved her under any circumstances. Is + she married?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes." + </p> + <p> + It was a needless question, for a new desolation in the desolate house had + told me so. + </p> + <p> + "What have I done! What have I done!" She wrung her hands, and crushed her + white hair, and returned to this cry over and over again. "What have I + done!" + </p> + <p> + I knew not how to answer, or how to comfort her. That she had done a + grievous thing in taking an impressionable child to mould into the form + that her wild resentment, spurned affection, and wounded pride found + vengeance in, I knew full well. But that, in shutting out the light of + day, she had shut out infinitely more; that, in seclusion, she had + secluded herself from a thousand natural and healing influences; that, her + mind, brooding solitary, had grown diseased, as all minds do and must and + will that reverse the appointed order of their Maker, I knew equally well. + And could I look upon her without compassion, seeing her punishment in the + ruin she was, in her profound unfitness for this earth on which she was + placed, in the vanity of sorrow which had become a master mania, like the + vanity of penitence, the vanity of remorse, the vanity of unworthiness, + and other monstrous vanities that have been curses in this world? + </p> + <p> + "Until you spoke to her the other day, and until I saw in you a + looking-glass that showed me what I once felt myself, I did not know what + I had done. What have I done! What have I done!" And so again, twenty, + fifty times over, What had she done! + </p> + <p> + "Miss Havisham," I said, when her cry had died away, "you may dismiss me + from your mind and conscience. But Estella is a different case, and if you + can ever undo any scrap of what you have done amiss in keeping a part of + her right nature away from her, it will be better to do that than to + bemoan the past through a hundred years." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, yes, I know it. But, Pip—my dear!" There was an earnest + womanly compassion for me in her new affection. "My dear! Believe this: + when she first came to me, I meant to save her from misery like my own. At + first, I meant no more." + </p> + <p> + "Well, well!" said I. "I hope so." + </p> + <p> + "But as she grew, and promised to be very beautiful, I gradually did + worse, and with my praises, and with my jewels, and with my teachings, and + with this figure of myself always before her, a warning to back and point + my lessons, I stole her heart away, and put ice in its place." + </p> + <p> + "Better," I could not help saying, "to have left her a natural heart, even + to be bruised or broken." + </p> + <p> + With that, Miss Havisham looked distractedly at me for a while, and then + burst out again, What had she done! + </p> + <p> + "If you knew all my story," she pleaded, "you would have some compassion + for me and a better understanding of me." + </p> + <p> + "Miss Havisham," I answered, as delicately as I could, "I believe I may + say that I do know your story, and have known it ever since I first left + this neighborhood. It has inspired me with great commiseration, and I hope + I understand it and its influences. Does what has passed between us give + me any excuse for asking you a question relative to Estella? Not as she + is, but as she was when she first came here?" + </p> + <p> + She was seated on the ground, with her arms on the ragged chair, and her + head leaning on them. She looked full at me when I said this, and replied, + "Go on." + </p> + <p> + "Whose child was Estella?" + </p> + <p> + She shook her head. + </p> + <p> + "You don't know?" + </p> + <p> + She shook her head again. + </p> + <p> + "But Mr. Jaggers brought her here, or sent her here?" + </p> + <p> + "Brought her here." + </p> + <p> + "Will you tell me how that came about?" + </p> + <p> + She answered in a low whisper and with caution: "I had been shut up in + these rooms a long time (I don't know how long; you know what time the + clocks keep here), when I told him that I wanted a little girl to rear and + love, and save from my fate. I had first seen him when I sent for him to + lay this place waste for me; having read of him in the newspapers, before + I and the world parted. He told me that he would look about him for such + an orphan child. One night he brought her here asleep, and I called her + Estella." + </p> + <p> + "Might I ask her age then?" + </p> + <p> + "Two or three. She herself knows nothing, but that she was left an orphan + and I adopted her." + </p> + <p> + So convinced I was of that woman's being her mother, that I wanted no + evidence to establish the fact in my own mind. But, to any mind, I + thought, the connection here was clear and straight. + </p> + <p> + What more could I hope to do by prolonging the interview? I had succeeded + on behalf of Herbert, Miss Havisham had told me all she knew of Estella, I + had said and done what I could to ease her mind. No matter with what other + words we parted; we parted. + </p> + <p> + Twilight was closing in when I went down stairs into the natural air. I + called to the woman who had opened the gate when I entered, that I would + not trouble her just yet, but would walk round the place before leaving. + For I had a presentiment that I should never be there again, and I felt + that the dying light was suited to my last view of it. + </p> + <p> + By the wilderness of casks that I had walked on long ago, and on which the + rain of years had fallen since, rotting them in many places, and leaving + miniature swamps and pools of water upon those that stood on end, I made + my way to the ruined garden. I went all round it; round by the corner + where Herbert and I had fought our battle; round by the paths where + Estella and I had walked. So cold, so lonely, so dreary all! + </p> + <p> + Taking the brewery on my way back, I raised the rusty latch of a little + door at the garden end of it, and walked through. I was going out at the + opposite door,—not easy to open now, for the damp wood had started + and swelled, and the hinges were yielding, and the threshold was + encumbered with a growth of fungus,—when I turned my head to look + back. A childish association revived with wonderful force in the moment of + the slight action, and I fancied that I saw Miss Havisham hanging to the + beam. So strong was the impression, that I stood under the beam shuddering + from head to foot before I knew it was a fancy,—though to be sure I + was there in an instant. + </p> + <p> + The mournfulness of the place and time, and the great terror of this + illusion, though it was but momentary, caused me to feel an indescribable + awe as I came out between the open wooden gates where I had once wrung my + hair after Estella had wrung my heart. Passing on into the front + courtyard, I hesitated whether to call the woman to let me out at the + locked gate of which she had the key, or first to go up stairs and assure + myself that Miss Havisham was as safe and well as I had left her. I took + the latter course and went up. + </p> + <p> + I looked into the room where I had left her, and I saw her seated in the + ragged chair upon the hearth close to the fire, with her back towards me. + In the moment when I was withdrawing my head to go quietly away, I saw a + great flaming light spring up. In the same moment I saw her running at me, + shrieking, with a whirl of fire blazing all about her, and soaring at + least as many feet above her head as she was high. + </p> + <p> + I had a double-caped great-coat on, and over my arm another thick coat. + That I got them off, closed with her, threw her down, and got them over + her; that I dragged the great cloth from the table for the same purpose, + and with it dragged down the heap of rottenness in the midst, and all the + ugly things that sheltered there; that we were on the ground struggling + like desperate enemies, and that the closer I covered her, the more wildly + she shrieked and tried to free herself,—that this occurred I knew + through the result, but not through anything I felt, or thought, or knew I + did. I knew nothing until I knew that we were on the floor by the great + table, and that patches of tinder yet alight were floating in the smoky + air, which, a moment ago, had been her faded bridal dress. + </p> + <p> + Then, I looked round and saw the disturbed beetles and spiders running + away over the floor, and the servants coming in with breathless cries at + the door. I still held her forcibly down with all my strength, like a + prisoner who might escape; and I doubt if I even knew who she was, or why + we had struggled, or that she had been in flames, or that the flames were + out, until I saw the patches of tinder that had been her garments no + longer alight but falling in a black shower around us. + </p> + <p> + She was insensible, and I was afraid to have her moved, or even touched. + Assistance was sent for, and I held her until it came, as if I + unreasonably fancied (I think I did) that, if I let her go, the fire would + break out again and consume her. When I got up, on the surgeon's coming to + her with other aid, I was astonished to see that both my hands were burnt; + for, I had no knowledge of it through the sense of feeling. + </p> + <p> + On examination it was pronounced that she had received serious hurts, but + that they of themselves were far from hopeless; the danger lay mainly in + the nervous shock. By the surgeon's directions, her bed was carried into + that room and laid upon the great table, which happened to be well suited + to the dressing of her injuries. When I saw her again, an hour afterwards, + she lay, indeed, where I had seen her strike her stick, and had heard her + say that she would lie one day. + </p> + <p> + Though every vestige of her dress was burnt, as they told me, she still + had something of her old ghastly bridal appearance; for, they had covered + her to the throat with white cotton-wool, and as she lay with a white + sheet loosely overlying that, the phantom air of something that had been + and was changed was still upon her. + </p> + <p> + I found, on questioning the servants, that Estella was in Paris, and I got + a promise from the surgeon that he would write to her by the next post. + Miss Havisham's family I took upon myself; intending to communicate with + Mr. Matthew Pocket only, and leave him to do as he liked about informing + the rest. This I did next day, through Herbert, as soon as I returned to + town. + </p> + <p> + There was a stage, that evening, when she spoke collectedly of what had + happened, though with a certain terrible vivacity. Towards midnight she + began to wander in her speech; and after that it gradually set in that she + said innumerable times in a low solemn voice, "What have I done!" And + then, "When she first came, I meant to save her from misery like mine." + And then, "Take the pencil and write under my name, 'I forgive her!'" She + never changed the order of these three sentences, but she sometimes left + out a word in one or other of them; never putting in another word, but + always leaving a blank and going on to the next word. + </p> + <p> + As I could do no service there, and as I had, nearer home, that pressing + reason for anxiety and fear which even her wanderings could not drive out + of my mind, I decided, in the course of the night that I would return by + the early morning coach, walking on a mile or so, and being taken up clear + of the town. At about six o'clock of the morning, therefore, I leaned over + her and touched her lips with mine, just as they said, not stopping for + being touched, "Take the pencil and write under my name, 'I forgive her.'" + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0050" id="link2HCH0050"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter L + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">M</span>y hands had been dressed twice or thrice in the night, and again in the + morning. My left arm was a good deal burned to the elbow, and, less + severely, as high as the shoulder; it was very painful, but the flames had + set in that direction, and I felt thankful it was no worse. My right hand + was not so badly burnt but that I could move the fingers. It was bandaged, + of course, but much less inconveniently than my left hand and arm; those I + carried in a sling; and I could only wear my coat like a cloak, loose over + my shoulders and fastened at the neck. My hair had been caught by the + fire, but not my head or face. + </p> + <p> + When Herbert had been down to Hammersmith and seen his father, he came + back to me at our chambers, and devoted the day to attending on me. He was + the kindest of nurses, and at stated times took off the bandages, and + steeped them in the cooling liquid that was kept ready, and put them on + again, with a patient tenderness that I was deeply grateful for. + </p> + <p> + At first, as I lay quiet on the sofa, I found it painfully difficult, I + might say impossible, to get rid of the impression of the glare of the + flames, their hurry and noise, and the fierce burning smell. If I dozed + for a minute, I was awakened by Miss Havisham's cries, and by her running + at me with all that height of fire above her head. This pain of the mind + was much harder to strive against than any bodily pain I suffered; and + Herbert, seeing that, did his utmost to hold my attention engaged. + </p> + <p> + Neither of us spoke of the boat, but we both thought of it. That was made + apparent by our avoidance of the subject, and by our agreeing—without + agreement—to make my recovery of the use of my hands a question of + so many hours, not of so many weeks. + </p> + <p> + My first question when I saw Herbert had been of course, whether all was + well down the river? As he replied in the affirmative, with perfect + confidence and cheerfulness, we did not resume the subject until the day + was wearing away. But then, as Herbert changed the bandages, more by the + light of the fire than by the outer light, he went back to it + spontaneously. + </p> + <p> + "I sat with Provis last night, Handel, two good hours." + </p> + <p> + "Where was Clara?" + </p> + <p> + "Dear little thing!" said Herbert. "She was up and down with Gruffandgrim + all the evening. He was perpetually pegging at the floor the moment she + left his sight. I doubt if he can hold out long, though. What with rum and + pepper,—and pepper and rum,—I should think his pegging must be + nearly over." + </p> + <p> + "And then you will be married, Herbert?" + </p> + <p> + "How can I take care of the dear child otherwise?—Lay your arm out + upon the back of the sofa, my dear boy, and I'll sit down here, and get + the bandage off so gradually that you shall not know when it comes. I was + speaking of Provis. Do you know, Handel, he improves?" + </p> + <p> + "I said to you I thought he was softened when I last saw him." + </p> + <p> + "So you did. And so he is. He was very communicative last night, and told + me more of his life. You remember his breaking off here about some woman + that he had had great trouble with.—Did I hurt you?" + </p> + <p> + I had started, but not under his touch. His words had given me a start. + </p> + <p> + "I had forgotten that, Herbert, but I remember it now you speak of it." + </p> + <p> + "Well! He went into that part of his life, and a dark wild part it is. + Shall I tell you? Or would it worry you just now?" + </p> + <p> + "Tell me by all means. Every word." + </p> + <p> + Herbert bent forward to look at me more nearly, as if my reply had been + rather more hurried or more eager than he could quite account for. "Your + head is cool?" he said, touching it. + </p> + <p> + "Quite," said I. "Tell me what Provis said, my dear Herbert." + </p> + <p> + "It seems," said Herbert, "—there's a bandage off most charmingly, + and now comes the cool one,—makes you shrink at first, my poor dear + fellow, don't it? but it will be comfortable presently,—it seems + that the woman was a young woman, and a jealous woman, and a revengeful + woman; revengeful, Handel, to the last degree." + </p> + <p> + "To what last degree?" + </p> + <p> + "Murder.—Does it strike too cold on that sensitive place?" + </p> + <p> + "I don't feel it. How did she murder? Whom did she murder?" + </p> + <p> + "Why, the deed may not have merited quite so terrible a name," said + Herbert, "but, she was tried for it, and Mr. Jaggers defended her, and the + reputation of that defence first made his name known to Provis. It was + another and a stronger woman who was the victim, and there had been a + struggle—in a barn. Who began it, or how fair it was, or how unfair, + may be doubtful; but how it ended is certainly not doubtful, for the + victim was found throttled." + </p> + <p> + "Was the woman brought in guilty?" + </p> + <p> + "No; she was acquitted.—My poor Handel, I hurt you!" + </p> + <p> + "It is impossible to be gentler, Herbert. Yes? What else?" + </p> + <p> + "This acquitted young woman and Provis had a little child; a little child + of whom Provis was exceedingly fond. On the evening of the very night when + the object of her jealousy was strangled as I tell you, the young woman + presented herself before Provis for one moment, and swore that she would + destroy the child (which was in her possession), and he should never see + it again; then she vanished.—There's the worst arm comfortably in + the sling once more, and now there remains but the right hand, which is a + far easier job. I can do it better by this light than by a stronger, for + my hand is steadiest when I don't see the poor blistered patches too + distinctly.—You don't think your breathing is affected, my dear boy? + You seem to breathe quickly." + </p> + <p> + "Perhaps I do, Herbert. Did the woman keep her oath?" + </p> + <p> + "There comes the darkest part of Provis's life. She did." + </p> + <p> + "That is, he says she did." + </p> + <p> + "Why, of course, my dear boy," returned Herbert, in a tone of surprise, + and again bending forward to get a nearer look at me. "He says it all. I + have no other information." + </p> + <p> + "No, to be sure." + </p> + <p> + "Now, whether," pursued Herbert, "he had used the child's mother ill, or + whether he had used the child's mother well, Provis doesn't say; but she + had shared some four or five years of the wretched life he described to us + at this fireside, and he seems to have felt pity for her, and forbearance + towards her. Therefore, fearing he should be called upon to depose about + this destroyed child, and so be the cause of her death, he hid himself + (much as he grieved for the child), kept himself dark, as he says, out of + the way and out of the trial, and was only vaguely talked of as a certain + man called Abel, out of whom the jealousy arose. After the acquittal she + disappeared, and thus he lost the child and the child's mother." + </p> + <p> + "I want to ask—" + </p> + <p> + "A moment, my dear boy, and I have done. That evil genius, Compeyson, the + worst of scoundrels among many scoundrels, knowing of his keeping out of + the way at that time and of his reasons for doing so, of course afterwards + held the knowledge over his head as a means of keeping him poorer and + working him harder. It was clear last night that this barbed the point of + Provis's animosity." + </p> + <p> + "I want to know," said I, "and particularly, Herbert, whether he told you + when this happened?" + </p> + <p> + "Particularly? Let me remember, then, what he said as to that. His + expression was, 'a round score o' year ago, and a'most directly after I + took up wi' Compeyson.' How old were you when you came upon him in the + little churchyard?" + </p> + <p> + "I think in my seventh year." + </p> + <p> + "Ay. It had happened some three or four years then, he said, and you + brought into his mind the little girl so tragically lost, who would have + been about your age." + </p> + <p> + "Herbert," said I, after a short silence, in a hurried way, "can you see + me best by the light of the window, or the light of the fire?" + </p> + <p> + "By the firelight," answered Herbert, coming close again. + </p> + <p> + "Look at me." + </p> + <p> + "I do look at you, my dear boy." + </p> + <p> + "Touch me." + </p> + <p> + "I do touch you, my dear boy." + </p> + <p> + "You are not afraid that I am in any fever, or that my head is much + disordered by the accident of last night?" + </p> + <p> + "N-no, my dear boy," said Herbert, after taking time to examine me. "You + are rather excited, but you are quite yourself." + </p> + <p> + "I know I am quite myself. And the man we have in hiding down the river, + is Estella's Father." + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0051" id="link2HCH0051"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter LI + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">W</span>hat purpose I had in view when I was hot on tracing out and proving + Estella's parentage, I cannot say. It will presently be seen that the + question was not before me in a distinct shape until it was put before me + by a wiser head than my own. + </p> + <p> + But when Herbert and I had held our momentous conversation, I was seized + with a feverish conviction that I ought to hunt the matter down,—that + I ought not to let it rest, but that I ought to see Mr. Jaggers, and come + at the bare truth. I really do not know whether I felt that I did this for + Estella's sake, or whether I was glad to transfer to the man in whose + preservation I was so much concerned some rays of the romantic interest + that had so long surrounded me. Perhaps the latter possibility may be the + nearer to the truth. + </p> + <p> + Any way, I could scarcely be withheld from going out to Gerrard Street + that night. Herbert's representations that, if I did, I should probably be + laid up and stricken useless, when our fugitive's safety would depend upon + me, alone restrained my impatience. On the understanding, again and again + reiterated, that, come what would, I was to go to Mr. Jaggers to-morrow, I + at length submitted to keep quiet, and to have my hurts looked after, and + to stay at home. Early next morning we went out together, and at the + corner of Giltspur Street by Smithfield, I left Herbert to go his way into + the City, and took my way to Little Britain. + </p> + <p> + There were periodical occasions when Mr. Jaggers and Wemmick went over the + office accounts, and checked off the vouchers, and put all things + straight. On these occasions, Wemmick took his books and papers into Mr. + Jaggers's room, and one of the up-stairs clerks came down into the outer + office. Finding such clerk on Wemmick's post that morning, I knew what was + going on; but I was not sorry to have Mr. Jaggers and Wemmick together, as + Wemmick would then hear for himself that I said nothing to compromise him. + </p> + <p> + My appearance, with my arm bandaged and my coat loose over my shoulders, + favored my object. Although I had sent Mr. Jaggers a brief account of the + accident as soon as I had arrived in town, yet I had to give him all the + details now; and the speciality of the occasion caused our talk to be less + dry and hard, and less strictly regulated by the rules of evidence, than + it had been before. While I described the disaster, Mr. Jaggers stood, + according to his wont, before the fire. Wemmick leaned back in his chair, + staring at me, with his hands in the pockets of his trousers, and his pen + put horizontally into the post. The two brutal casts, always inseparable + in my mind from the official proceedings, seemed to be congestively + considering whether they didn't smell fire at the present moment. + </p> + <p> + My narrative finished, and their questions exhausted, I then produced Miss + Havisham's authority to receive the nine hundred pounds for Herbert. Mr. + Jaggers's eyes retired a little deeper into his head when I handed him the + tablets, but he presently handed them over to Wemmick, with instructions + to draw the check for his signature. While that was in course of being + done, I looked on at Wemmick as he wrote, and Mr. Jaggers, poising and + swaying himself on his well-polished boots, looked on at me. "I am sorry, + Pip," said he, as I put the check in my pocket, when he had signed it, + "that we do nothing for <i>you</i>." + </p> + <p> + "Miss Havisham was good enough to ask me," I returned, "whether she could + do nothing for me, and I told her No." + </p> + <p> + "Everybody should know his own business," said Mr. Jaggers. And I saw + Wemmick's lips form the words "portable property." + </p> + <p> + "I should <i>not</i> have told her No, if I had been you," said Mr Jaggers; "but + every man ought to know his own business best." + </p> + <p> + "Every man's business," said Wemmick, rather reproachfully towards me, "is + portable property." + </p> + <p> + As I thought the time was now come for pursuing the theme I had at heart, + I said, turning on Mr. Jaggers:— + </p> + <p> + "I did ask something of Miss Havisham, however, sir. I asked her to give + me some information relative to her adopted daughter, and she gave me all + she possessed." + </p> + <p> + "Did she?" said Mr. Jaggers, bending forward to look at his boots and then + straightening himself. "Hah! I don't think I should have done so, if I had + been Miss Havisham. But <i>she</i> ought to know her own business best." + </p> + <p> + "I know more of the history of Miss Havisham's adopted child than Miss + Havisham herself does, sir. I know her mother." + </p> + <p> + Mr. Jaggers looked at me inquiringly, and repeated "Mother?" + </p> + <p> + "I have seen her mother within these three days." + </p> + <p> + "Yes?" said Mr. Jaggers. + </p> + <p> + "And so have you, sir. And you have seen her still more recently." + </p> + <p> + "Yes?" said Mr. Jaggers. + </p> + <p> + "Perhaps I know more of Estella's history than even you do," said I. "I + know her father too." + </p> + <p> + A certain stop that Mr. Jaggers came to in his manner—he was too + self-possessed to change his manner, but he could not help its being + brought to an indefinably attentive stop—assured me that he did not + know who her father was. This I had strongly suspected from Provis's + account (as Herbert had repeated it) of his having kept himself dark; + which I pieced on to the fact that he himself was not Mr. Jaggers's client + until some four years later, and when he could have no reason for claiming + his identity. But, I could not be sure of this unconsciousness on Mr. + Jaggers's part before, though I was quite sure of it now. + </p> + <p> + "So! You know the young lady's father, Pip?" said Mr. Jaggers. + </p> + <p> + "Yes," I replied, "and his name is Provis—from New South Wales." + </p> + <p> + Even Mr. Jaggers started when I said those words. It was the slightest + start that could escape a man, the most carefully repressed and the sooner + checked, but he did start, though he made it a part of the action of + taking out his pocket-handkerchief. How Wemmick received the announcement + I am unable to say; for I was afraid to look at him just then, lest Mr. + Jaggers's sharpness should detect that there had been some communication + unknown to him between us. + </p> + <p> + "And on what evidence, Pip," asked Mr. Jaggers, very coolly, as he paused + with his handkerchief half way to his nose, "does Provis make this claim?" + </p> + <p> + "He does not make it," said I, "and has never made it, and has no + knowledge or belief that his daughter is in existence." + </p> + <p> + For once, the powerful pocket-handkerchief failed. My reply was so + Unexpected, that Mr. Jaggers put the handkerchief back into his pocket + without completing the usual performance, folded his arms, and looked with + stern attention at me, though with an immovable face. + </p> + <p> + Then I told him all I knew, and how I knew it; with the one reservation + that I left him to infer that I knew from Miss Havisham what I in fact + knew from Wemmick. I was very careful indeed as to that. Nor did I look + towards Wemmick until I had finished all I had to tell, and had been for + some time silently meeting Mr. Jaggers's look. When I did at last turn my + eyes in Wemmick's direction, I found that he had unposted his pen, and was + intent upon the table before him. + </p> + <p> + "Hah!" said Mr. Jaggers at last, as he moved towards the papers on the + table. "What item was it you were at, Wemmick, when Mr. Pip came in?" + </p> + <p> + But I could not submit to be thrown off in that way, and I made a + passionate, almost an indignant appeal, to him to be more frank and manly + with me. I reminded him of the false hopes into which I had lapsed, the + length of time they had lasted, and the discovery I had made: and I hinted + at the danger that weighed upon my spirits. I represented myself as being + surely worthy of some little confidence from him, in return for the + confidence I had just now imparted. I said that I did not blame him, or + suspect him, or mistrust him, but I wanted assurance of the truth from + him. And if he asked me why I wanted it, and why I thought I had any right + to it, I would tell him, little as he cared for such poor dreams, that I + had loved Estella dearly and long, and that although I had lost her, and + must live a bereaved life, whatever concerned her was still nearer and + dearer to me than anything else in the world. And seeing that Mr. Jaggers + stood quite still and silent, and apparently quite obdurate, under this + appeal, I turned to Wemmick, and said, "Wemmick, I know you to be a man + with a gentle heart. I have seen your pleasant home, and your old father, + and all the innocent, cheerful playful ways with which you refresh your + business life. And I entreat you to say a word for me to Mr. Jaggers, and + to represent to him that, all circumstances considered, he ought to be + more open with me!" + </p> + <p> + I have never seen two men look more oddly at one another than Mr. Jaggers + and Wemmick did after this apostrophe. At first, a misgiving crossed me + that Wemmick would be instantly dismissed from his employment; but it + melted as I saw Mr. Jaggers relax into something like a smile, and Wemmick + become bolder. + </p> + <p> + "What's all this?" said Mr. Jaggers. "You with an old father, and you with + pleasant and playful ways?" + </p> + <p> + "Well!" returned Wemmick. "If I don't bring 'em here, what does it + matter?" + </p> + <p> + "Pip," said Mr. Jaggers, laying his hand upon my arm, and smiling openly, + "this man must be the most cunning impostor in all London." + </p> + <p> + "Not a bit of it," returned Wemmick, growing bolder and bolder. "I think + you're another." + </p> + <p> + Again they exchanged their former odd looks, each apparently still + distrustful that the other was taking him in. + </p> + <p> + "<i>You</i> with a pleasant home?" said Mr. Jaggers. + </p> + <p> + "Since it don't interfere with business," returned Wemmick, "let it be so. + Now, I look at you, sir, I shouldn't wonder if <i>you</i> might be planning and + contriving to have a pleasant home of your own one of these days, when + you're tired of all this work." + </p> + <p> + Mr. Jaggers nodded his head retrospectively two or three times, and + actually drew a sigh. "Pip," said he, "we won't talk about 'poor dreams;' + you know more about such things than I, having much fresher experience of + that kind. But now about this other matter. I'll put a case to you. Mind! + I admit nothing." + </p> + <p> + He waited for me to declare that I quite understood that he expressly said + that he admitted nothing. + </p> + <p> + "Now, Pip," said Mr. Jaggers, "put this case. Put the case that a woman, + under such circumstances as you have mentioned, held her child concealed, + and was obliged to communicate the fact to her legal adviser, on his + representing to her that he must know, with an eye to the latitude of his + defence, how the fact stood about that child. Put the case that, at the + same time he held a trust to find a child for an eccentric rich lady to + adopt and bring up." + </p> + <p> + "I follow you, sir." + </p> + <p> + "Put the case that he lived in an atmosphere of evil, and that all he saw + of children was their being generated in great numbers for certain + destruction. Put the case that he often saw children solemnly tried at a + criminal bar, where they were held up to be seen; put the case that he + habitually knew of their being imprisoned, whipped, transported, + neglected, cast out, qualified in all ways for the hangman, and growing up + to be hanged. Put the case that pretty nigh all the children he saw in his + daily business life he had reason to look upon as so much spawn, to + develop into the fish that were to come to his net,—to be + prosecuted, defended, forsworn, made orphans, bedevilled somehow." + </p> + <p> + "I follow you, sir." + </p> + <p> + "Put the case, Pip, that here was one pretty little child out of the heap + who could be saved; whom the father believed dead, and dared make no stir + about; as to whom, over the mother, the legal adviser had this power: "I + know what you did, and how you did it. You came so and so, you did such + and such things to divert suspicion. I have tracked you through it all, + and I tell it you all. Part with the child, unless it should be necessary + to produce it to clear you, and then it shall be produced. Give the child + into my hands, and I will do my best to bring you off. If you are saved, + your child is saved too; if you are lost, your child is still saved." Put + the case that this was done, and that the woman was cleared." + </p> + <p> + "I understand you perfectly." + </p> + <p> + "But that I make no admissions?" + </p> + <p> + "That you make no admissions." And Wemmick repeated, "No admissions." + </p> + <p> + "Put the case, Pip, that passion and the terror of death had a little + shaken the woman's intellects, and that when she was set at liberty, she + was scared out of the ways of the world, and went to him to be sheltered. + Put the case that he took her in, and that he kept down the old, wild, + violent nature whenever he saw an inkling of its breaking out, by + asserting his power over her in the old way. Do you comprehend the + imaginary case?" + </p> + <p> + "Quite." + </p> + <p> + "Put the case that the child grew up, and was married for money. That the + mother was still living. That the father was still living. That the mother + and father, unknown to one another, were dwelling within so many miles, + furlongs, yards if you like, of one another. That the secret was still a + secret, except that you had got wind of it. Put that last case to yourself + very carefully." + </p> + <p> + "I do." + </p> + <p> + "I ask Wemmick to put it to <i>him</i>self very carefully." + </p> + <p> + And Wemmick said, "I do." + </p> + <p> + "For whose sake would you reveal the secret? For the father's? I think he + would not be much the better for the mother. For the mother's? I think if + she had done such a deed she would be safer where she was. For the + daughter's? I think it would hardly serve her to establish her parentage + for the information of her husband, and to drag her back to disgrace, + after an escape of twenty years, pretty secure to last for life. But add + the case that you had loved her, Pip, and had made her the subject of + those 'poor dreams' which have, at one time or another, been in the heads + of more men than you think likely, then I tell you that you had better—and + would much sooner when you had thought well of it—chop off that + bandaged left hand of yours with your bandaged right hand, and then pass + the chopper on to Wemmick there, to cut <i>that</i> off too." + </p> + <p> + I looked at Wemmick, whose face was very grave. He gravely touched his + lips with his forefinger. I did the same. Mr. Jaggers did the same. "Now, + Wemmick," said the latter then, resuming his usual manner, "what item was + it you were at when Mr. Pip came in?" + </p> + <p> + Standing by for a little, while they were at work, I observed that the odd + looks they had cast at one another were repeated several times: with this + difference now, that each of them seemed suspicious, not to say conscious, + of having shown himself in a weak and unprofessional light to the other. + For this reason, I suppose, they were now inflexible with one another; Mr. + Jaggers being highly dictatorial, and Wemmick obstinately justifying + himself whenever there was the smallest point in abeyance for a moment. I + had never seen them on such ill terms; for generally they got on very well + indeed together. + </p> + <p> + But they were both happily relieved by the opportune appearance of Mike, + the client with the fur cap and the habit of wiping his nose on his + sleeve, whom I had seen on the very first day of my appearance within + those walls. This individual, who, either in his own person or in that of + some member of his family, seemed to be always in trouble (which in that + place meant Newgate), called to announce that his eldest daughter was + taken up on suspicion of shoplifting. As he imparted this melancholy + circumstance to Wemmick, Mr. Jaggers standing magisterially before the + fire and taking no share in the proceedings, Mike's eye happened to + twinkle with a tear. + </p> + <p> + "What are you about?" demanded Wemmick, with the utmost indignation. "What + do you come snivelling here for?" + </p> + <p> + "I didn't go to do it, Mr. Wemmick." + </p> + <p> + "You did," said Wemmick. "How dare you? You're not in a fit state to come + here, if you can't come here without spluttering like a bad pen. What do + you mean by it?" + </p> + <p> + "A man can't help his feelings, Mr. Wemmick," pleaded Mike. + </p> + <p> + "His what?" demanded Wemmick, quite savagely. "Say that again!" + </p> + <p> + "Now look here my man," said Mr. Jaggers, advancing a step, and pointing + to the door. "Get out of this office. I'll have no feelings here. Get + out." + </p> + <p> + "It serves you right," said Wemmick, "Get out." + </p> + <p> + So, the unfortunate Mike very humbly withdrew, and Mr. Jaggers and Wemmick + appeared to have re-established their good understanding, and went to work + again with an air of refreshment upon them as if they had just had lunch. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0052" id="link2HCH0052"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter LII + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">F</span>rom Little Britain I went, with my check in my pocket, to Miss Skiffins's + brother, the accountant; and Miss Skiffins's brother, the accountant, + going straight to Clarriker's and bringing Clarriker to me, I had the + great satisfaction of concluding that arrangement. It was the only good + thing I had done, and the only completed thing I had done, since I was + first apprised of my great expectations. + </p> + <p> + Clarriker informing me on that occasion that the affairs of the House were + steadily progressing, that he would now be able to establish a small + branch-house in the East which was much wanted for the extension of the + business, and that Herbert in his new partnership capacity would go out + and take charge of it, I found that I must have prepared for a separation + from my friend, even though my own affairs had been more settled. And now, + indeed, I felt as if my last anchor were loosening its hold, and I should + soon be driving with the winds and waves. + </p> + <p> + But there was recompense in the joy with which Herbert would come home of + a night and tell me of these changes, little imagining that he told me no + news, and would sketch airy pictures of himself conducting Clara Barley to + the land of the Arabian Nights, and of me going out to join them (with a + caravan of camels, I believe), and of our all going up the Nile and seeing + wonders. Without being sanguine as to my own part in those bright plans, I + felt that Herbert's way was clearing fast, and that old Bill Barley had + but to stick to his pepper and rum, and his daughter would soon be happily + provided for. + </p> + <p> + We had now got into the month of March. My left arm, though it presented + no bad symptoms, took, in the natural course, so long to heal that I was + still unable to get a coat on. My right arm was tolerably restored; + disfigured, but fairly serviceable. + </p> + <p> + On a Monday morning, when Herbert and I were at breakfast, I received the + following letter from Wemmick by the post. + </p> + <p> + "Walworth. Burn this as soon as read. Early in the week, or say Wednesday, + you might do what you know of, if you felt disposed to try it. Now burn." + </p> + <p> + When I had shown this to Herbert and had put it in the fire—but not + before we had both got it by heart—we considered what to do. For, of + course my being disabled could now be no longer kept out of view. + </p> + <p> + "I have thought it over again and again," said Herbert, "and I think I + know a better course than taking a Thames waterman. Take Startop. A good + fellow, a skilled hand, fond of us, and enthusiastic and honorable." + </p> + <p> + I had thought of him more than once. + </p> + <p> + "But how much would you tell him, Herbert?" + </p> + <p> + "It is necessary to tell him very little. Let him suppose it a mere freak, + but a secret one, until the morning comes: then let him know that there is + urgent reason for your getting Provis aboard and away. You go with him?" + </p> + <p> + "No doubt." + </p> + <p> + "Where?" + </p> + <p> + It had seemed to me, in the many anxious considerations I had given the + point, almost indifferent what port we made for,—Hamburg, Rotterdam, + Antwerp,—the place signified little, so that he was out of England. + Any foreign steamer that fell in our way and would take us up would do. I + had always proposed to myself to get him well down the river in the boat; + certainly well beyond Gravesend, which was a critical place for search or + inquiry if suspicion were afoot. As foreign steamers would leave London at + about the time of high-water, our plan would be to get down the river by a + previous ebb-tide, and lie by in some quiet spot until we could pull off + to one. The time when one would be due where we lay, wherever that might + be, could be calculated pretty nearly, if we made inquiries beforehand. + </p> + <p> + Herbert assented to all this, and we went out immediately after breakfast + to pursue our investigations. We found that a steamer for Hamburg was + likely to suit our purpose best, and we directed our thoughts chiefly to + that vessel. But we noted down what other foreign steamers would leave + London with the same tide, and we satisfied ourselves that we knew the + build and color of each. We then separated for a few hours: I, to get at + once such passports as were necessary; Herbert, to see Startop at his + lodgings. We both did what we had to do without any hindrance, and when we + met again at one o'clock reported it done. I, for my part, was prepared + with passports; Herbert had seen Startop, and he was more than ready to + join. + </p> + <p> + Those two should pull a pair of oars, we settled, and I would steer; our + charge would be sitter, and keep quiet; as speed was not our object, we + should make way enough. We arranged that Herbert should not come home to + dinner before going to Mill Pond Bank that evening; that he should not go + there at all to-morrow evening, Tuesday; that he should prepare Provis to + come down to some stairs hard by the house, on Wednesday, when he saw us + approach, and not sooner; that all the arrangements with him should be + concluded that Monday night; and that he should be communicated with no + more in any way, until we took him on board. + </p> + <p> + These precautions well understood by both of us, I went home. + </p> + <p> + On opening the outer door of our chambers with my key, I found a letter in + the box, directed to me; a very dirty letter, though not ill-written. It + had been delivered by hand (of course, since I left home), and its + contents were these:— + </p> + <p> + "If you are not afraid to come to the old marshes to-night or to-morrow + night at nine, and to come to the little sluice-house by the limekiln, you + had better come. If you want information regarding <i>your uncle Provis</i>, you + had much better come and tell no one, and lose no time. <i>You must come + alone</i>. Bring this with you." + </p> + <p> + I had had load enough upon my mind before the receipt of this strange + letter. What to do now, I could not tell. And the worst was, that I must + decide quickly, or I should miss the afternoon coach, which would take me + down in time for to-night. To-morrow night I could not think of going, for + it would be too close upon the time of the flight. And again, for anything + I knew, the proffered information might have some important bearing on the + flight itself. + </p> + <p> + If I had had ample time for consideration, I believe I should still have + gone. Having hardly any time for consideration,—my watch showing me + that the coach started within half an hour,—I resolved to go. I + should certainly not have gone, but for the reference to my Uncle Provis. + That, coming on Wemmick's letter and the morning's busy preparation, + turned the scale. + </p> + <p> + It is so difficult to become clearly possessed of the contents of almost + any letter, in a violent hurry, that I had to read this mysterious epistle + again twice, before its injunction to me to be secret got mechanically + into my mind. Yielding to it in the same mechanical kind of way, I left a + note in pencil for Herbert, telling him that as I should be so soon going + away, I knew not for how long, I had decided to hurry down and back, to + ascertain for myself how Miss Havisham was faring. I had then barely time + to get my great-coat, lock up the chambers, and make for the coach-office + by the short by-ways. If I had taken a hackney-chariot and gone by the + streets, I should have missed my aim; going as I did, I caught the coach + just as it came out of the yard. I was the only inside passenger, jolting + away knee-deep in straw, when I came to myself. + </p> + <p> + For I really had not been myself since the receipt of the letter; it had + so bewildered me, ensuing on the hurry of the morning. The morning hurry + and flutter had been great; for, long and anxiously as I had waited for + Wemmick, his hint had come like a surprise at last. And now I began to + wonder at myself for being in the coach, and to doubt whether I had + sufficient reason for being there, and to consider whether I should get + out presently and go back, and to argue against ever heeding an anonymous + communication, and, in short, to pass through all those phases of + contradiction and indecision to which I suppose very few hurried people + are strangers. Still, the reference to Provis by name mastered everything. + I reasoned as I had reasoned already without knowing it,—if that be + reasoning,—in case any harm should befall him through my not going, + how could I ever forgive myself! + </p> + <p> + It was dark before we got down, and the journey seemed long and dreary to + me, who could see little of it inside, and who could not go outside in my + disabled state. Avoiding the Blue Boar, I put up at an inn of minor + reputation down the town, and ordered some dinner. While it was preparing, + I went to Satis House and inquired for Miss Havisham; she was still very + ill, though considered something better. + </p> + <p> + My inn had once been a part of an ancient ecclesiastical house, and I + dined in a little octagonal common-room, like a font. As I was not able to + cut my dinner, the old landlord with a shining bald head did it for me. + This bringing us into conversation, he was so good as to entertain me with + my own story,—of course with the popular feature that Pumblechook + was my earliest benefactor and the founder of my fortunes. + </p> + <p> + "Do you know the young man?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "Know him!" repeated the landlord. "Ever since he was—no height at + all." + </p> + <p> + "Does he ever come back to this neighborhood?" + </p> + <p> + "Ay, he comes back," said the landlord, "to his great friends, now and + again, and gives the cold shoulder to the man that made him." + </p> + <p> + "What man is that?" + </p> + <p> + "Him that I speak of," said the landlord. "Mr. Pumblechook." + </p> + <p> + "Is he ungrateful to no one else?" + </p> + <p> + "No doubt he would be, if he could," returned the landlord, "but he can't. + And why? Because Pumblechook done everything for him." + </p> + <p> + "Does Pumblechook say so?" + </p> + <p> + "Say so!" replied the landlord. "He han't no call to say so." + </p> + <p> + "But does he say so?" + </p> + <p> + "It would turn a man's blood to white wine winegar to hear him tell of it, + sir," said the landlord. + </p> + <p> + I thought, "Yet Joe, dear Joe, <i>you</i> never tell of it. Long-suffering and + loving Joe, <i>you</i> never complain. Nor you, sweet-tempered Biddy!" + </p> + <p> + "Your appetite's been touched like by your accident," said the landlord, + glancing at the bandaged arm under my coat. "Try a tenderer bit." + </p> + <p> + "No, thank you," I replied, turning from the table to brood over the fire. + "I can eat no more. Please take it away." + </p> + <p> + I had never been struck at so keenly, for my thanklessness to Joe, as + through the brazen impostor Pumblechook. The falser he, the truer Joe; the + meaner he, the nobler Joe. + </p> + <p> + My heart was deeply and most deservedly humbled as I mused over the fire + for an hour or more. The striking of the clock aroused me, but not from my + dejection or remorse, and I got up and had my coat fastened round my neck, + and went out. I had previously sought in my pockets for the letter, that I + might refer to it again; but I could not find it, and was uneasy to think + that it must have been dropped in the straw of the coach. I knew very + well, however, that the appointed place was the little sluice-house by the + limekiln on the marshes, and the hour nine. Towards the marshes I now went + straight, having no time to spare. + </p> +<div class="fig" > + <img src="images/0393m.jpg" alt="0393m " /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/0393.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0053" id="link2HCH0053"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter LIII + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span>t was a dark night, though the full moon rose as I left the enclosed + lands, and passed out upon the marshes. Beyond their dark line there was a + ribbon of clear sky, hardly broad enough to hold the red large moon. In a + few minutes she had ascended out of that clear field, in among the piled + mountains of cloud. + </p> + <p> + There was a melancholy wind, and the marshes were very dismal. A stranger + would have found them insupportable, and even to me they were so + oppressive that I hesitated, half inclined to go back. But I knew them + well, and could have found my way on a far darker night, and had no excuse + for returning, being there. So, having come there against my inclination, + I went on against it. + </p> + <p> + The direction that I took was not that in which my old home lay, nor that + in which we had pursued the convicts. My back was turned towards the + distant Hulks as I walked on, and, though I could see the old lights away + on the spits of sand, I saw them over my shoulder. I knew the limekiln as + well as I knew the old Battery, but they were miles apart; so that, if a + light had been burning at each point that night, there would have been a + long strip of the blank horizon between the two bright specks. + </p> + <p> + At first, I had to shut some gates after me, and now and then to stand + still while the cattle that were lying in the banked-up pathway arose and + blundered down among the grass and reeds. But after a little while I + seemed to have the whole flats to myself. + </p> + <p> + It was another half-hour before I drew near to the kiln. The lime was + burning with a sluggish stifling smell, but the fires were made up and + left, and no workmen were visible. Hard by was a small stone-quarry. It + lay directly in my way, and had been worked that day, as I saw by the + tools and barrows that were lying about. + </p> + <p> + Coming up again to the marsh level out of this excavation,—for the + rude path lay through it,—I saw a light in the old sluice-house. I + quickened my pace, and knocked at the door with my hand. Waiting for some + reply, I looked about me, noticing how the sluice was abandoned and + broken, and how the house—of wood with a tiled roof—would not + be proof against the weather much longer, if it were so even now, and how + the mud and ooze were coated with lime, and how the choking vapor of the + kiln crept in a ghostly way towards me. Still there was no answer, and I + knocked again. No answer still, and I tried the latch. + </p> + <p> + It rose under my hand, and the door yielded. Looking in, I saw a lighted + candle on a table, a bench, and a mattress on a truckle bedstead. As there + was a loft above, I called, "Is there any one here?" but no voice + answered. Then I looked at my watch, and, finding that it was past nine, + called again, "Is there any one here?" There being still no answer, I went + out at the door, irresolute what to do. + </p> + <p> + It was beginning to rain fast. Seeing nothing save what I had seen + already, I turned back into the house, and stood just within the shelter + of the doorway, looking out into the night. While I was considering that + some one must have been there lately and must soon be coming back, or the + candle would not be burning, it came into my head to look if the wick were + long. I turned round to do so, and had taken up the candle in my hand, + when it was extinguished by some violent shock; and the next thing I + comprehended was, that I had been caught in a strong running noose, thrown + over my head from behind. + </p> + <p> + "Now," said a suppressed voice with an oath, "I've got you!" + </p> + <p> + "What is this?" I cried, struggling. "Who is it? Help, help, help!" + </p> + <p> + Not only were my arms pulled close to my sides, but the pressure on my bad + arm caused me exquisite pain. Sometimes, a strong man's hand, sometimes a + strong man's breast, was set against my mouth to deaden my cries, and with + a hot breath always close to me, I struggled ineffectually in the dark, + while I was fastened tight to the wall. "And now," said the suppressed + voice with another oath, "call out again, and I'll make short work of + you!" + </p> + <p> + Faint and sick with the pain of my injured arm, bewildered by the + surprise, and yet conscious how easily this threat could be put in + execution, I desisted, and tried to ease my arm were it ever so little. + But, it was bound too tight for that. I felt as if, having been burnt + before, it were now being boiled. + </p> + <p> + The sudden exclusion of the night, and the substitution of black darkness + in its place, warned me that the man had closed a shutter. After groping + about for a little, he found the flint and steel he wanted, and began to + strike a light. I strained my sight upon the sparks that fell among the + tinder, and upon which he breathed and breathed, match in hand, but I + could only see his lips, and the blue point of the match; even those but + fitfully. The tinder was damp,—no wonder there,—and one after + another the sparks died out. + </p> + <p> + The man was in no hurry, and struck again with the flint and steel. As the + sparks fell thick and bright about him, I could see his hands, and touches + of his face, and could make out that he was seated and bending over the + table; but nothing more. Presently I saw his blue lips again, breathing on + the tinder, and then a flare of light flashed up, and showed me Orlick. + </p> + <p> + Whom I had looked for, I don't know. I had not looked for him. Seeing him, + I felt that I was in a dangerous strait indeed, and I kept my eyes upon + him. + </p> + <p> + He lighted the candle from the flaring match with great deliberation, and + dropped the match, and trod it out. Then he put the candle away from him + on the table, so that he could see me, and sat with his arms folded on the + table and looked at me. I made out that I was fastened to a stout + perpendicular ladder a few inches from the wall,—a fixture there,—the + means of ascent to the loft above. + </p> + <p> + "Now," said he, when we had surveyed one another for some time, "I've got + you." + </p> + <p> + "Unbind me. Let me go!" + </p> + <p> + "Ah!" he returned, "<i>I</i>'ll let you go. I'll let you go to the moon, I'll let + you go to the stars. All in good time." + </p> + <p> + "Why have you lured me here?" + </p> + <p> + "Don't you know?" said he, with a deadly look. + </p> + <p> + "Why have you set upon me in the dark?" + </p> + <p> + "Because I mean to do it all myself. One keeps a secret better than two. O + you enemy, you enemy!" + </p> + <p> + His enjoyment of the spectacle I furnished, as he sat with his arms folded + on the table, shaking his head at me and hugging himself, had a malignity + in it that made me tremble. As I watched him in silence, he put his hand + into the corner at his side, and took up a gun with a brass-bound stock. + </p> + <p> + "Do you know this?" said he, making as if he would take aim at me. "Do you + know where you saw it afore? Speak, wolf!" + </p> + <p> + "Yes," I answered. + </p> +<div class="fig" > + <img src="images/0399m.jpg" alt="0399m " /><br /> + </div> + <h5> + <a href="images/0399.jpg"><i>Original</i></a> + </h5> + <p> + "You cost me that place. You did. Speak!" + </p> + <p> + "What else could I do?" + </p> + <p> + "You did that, and that would be enough, without more. How dared you to + come betwixt me and a young woman I liked?" + </p> + <p> + "When did I?" + </p> + <p> + "When didn't you? It was you as always give Old Orlick a bad name to her." + </p> + <p> + "You gave it to yourself; you gained it for yourself. I could have done + you no harm, if you had done yourself none." + </p> + <p> + "You're a liar. And you'll take any pains, and spend any money, to drive + me out of this country, will you?" said he, repeating my words to Biddy in + the last interview I had with her. "Now, I'll tell you a piece of + information. It was never so well worth your while to get me out of this + country as it is to-night. Ah! If it was all your money twenty times told, + to the last brass farden!" As he shook his heavy hand at me, with his + mouth snarling like a tiger's, I felt that it was true. + </p> + <p> + "What are you going to do to me?" + </p> + <p> + "I'm a going," said he, bringing his fist down upon the table with a heavy + blow, and rising as the blow fell to give it greater force,—"I'm a + going to have your life!" + </p> + <p> + He leaned forward staring at me, slowly unclenched his hand and drew it + across his mouth as if his mouth watered for me, and sat down again. + </p> + <p> + "You was always in Old Orlick's way since ever you was a child. You goes + out of his way this present night. He'll have no more on you. You're + dead." + </p> + <p> + I felt that I had come to the brink of my grave. For a moment I looked + wildly round my trap for any chance of escape; but there was none. + </p> + <p> + "More than that," said he, folding his arms on the table again, "I won't + have a rag of you, I won't have a bone of you, left on earth. I'll put + your body in the kiln,—I'd carry two such to it, on my Shoulders,—and, + let people suppose what they may of you, they shall never know nothing." + </p> + <p> + My mind, with inconceivable rapidity followed out all the consequences of + such a death. Estella's father would believe I had deserted him, would be + taken, would die accusing me; even Herbert would doubt me, when he + compared the letter I had left for him with the fact that I had called at + Miss Havisham's gate for only a moment; Joe and Biddy would never know how + sorry I had been that night, none would ever know what I had suffered, how + true I had meant to be, what an agony I had passed through. The death + close before me was terrible, but far more terrible than death was the + dread of being misremembered after death. And so quick were my thoughts, + that I saw myself despised by unborn generations,—Estella's + children, and their children,—while the wretch's words were yet on + his lips. + </p> + <p> + "Now, wolf," said he, "afore I kill you like any other beast,—which + is wot I mean to do and wot I have tied you up for,—I'll have a good + look at you and a good goad at you. O you enemy!" + </p> + <p> + It had passed through my thoughts to cry out for help again; though few + could know better than I, the solitary nature of the spot, and the + hopelessness of aid. But as he sat gloating over me, I was supported by a + scornful detestation of him that sealed my lips. Above all things, I + resolved that I would not entreat him, and that I would die making some + last poor resistance to him. Softened as my thoughts of all the rest of + men were in that dire extremity; humbly beseeching pardon, as I did, of + Heaven; melted at heart, as I was, by the thought that I had taken no + farewell, and never now could take farewell of those who were dear to me, + or could explain myself to them, or ask for their compassion on my + miserable errors,—still, if I could have killed him, even in dying, + I would have done it. + </p> + <p> + He had been drinking, and his eyes were red and bloodshot. Around his neck + was slung a tin bottle, as I had often seen his meat and drink slung about + him in other days. He brought the bottle to his lips, and took a fiery + drink from it; and I smelt the strong spirits that I saw flash into his + face. + </p> + <p> + "Wolf!" said he, folding his arms again, "Old Orlick's a going to tell you + somethink. It was you as did for your shrew sister." + </p> + <p> + Again my mind, with its former inconceivable rapidity, had exhausted the + whole subject of the attack upon my sister, her illness, and her death, + before his slow and hesitating speech had formed these words. + </p> + <p> + "It was you, villain," said I. + </p> + <p> + "I tell you it was your doing,—I tell you it was done through you," + he retorted, catching up the gun, and making a blow with the stock at the + vacant air between us. "I come upon her from behind, as I come upon you + to-night. <i>I</i> giv' it her! I left her for dead, and if there had been a + limekiln as nigh her as there is now nigh you, she shouldn't have come to + life again. But it warn't Old Orlick as did it; it was you. You was + favored, and he was bullied and beat. Old Orlick bullied and beat, eh? Now + you pays for it. You done it; now you pays for it." + </p> + <p> + He drank again, and became more ferocious. I saw by his tilting of the + bottle that there was no great quantity left in it. I distinctly + understood that he was working himself up with its contents to make an end + of me. I knew that every drop it held was a drop of my life. I knew that + when I was changed into a part of the vapor that had crept towards me but + a little while before, like my own warning ghost, he would do as he had + done in my sister's case,—make all haste to the town, and be seen + slouching about there drinking at the alehouses. My rapid mind pursued him + to the town, made a picture of the street with him in it, and contrasted + its lights and life with the lonely marsh and the white vapor creeping + over it, into which I should have dissolved. + </p> + <p> + It was not only that I could have summed up years and years and years + while he said a dozen words, but that what he did say presented pictures + to me, and not mere words. In the excited and exalted state of my brain, I + could not think of a place without seeing it, or of persons without seeing + them. It is impossible to overstate the vividness of these images, and yet + I was so intent, all the time, upon him himself,—who would not be + intent on the tiger crouching to spring!—that I knew of the + slightest action of his fingers. + </p> + <p> + When he had drunk this second time, he rose from the bench on which he + sat, and pushed the table aside. Then, he took up the candle, and, shading + it with his murderous hand so as to throw its light on me, stood before + me, looking at me and enjoying the sight. + </p> + <p> + "Wolf, I'll tell you something more. It was Old Orlick as you tumbled over + on your stairs that night." + </p> + <p> + I saw the staircase with its extinguished lamps. I saw the shadows of the + heavy stair-rails, thrown by the watchman's lantern on the wall. I saw the + rooms that I was never to see again; here, a door half open; there, a door + closed; all the articles of furniture around. + </p> + <p> + "And why was Old Orlick there? I'll tell you something more, wolf. You and + her <i>have</i> pretty well hunted me out of this country, so far as getting a + easy living in it goes, and I've took up with new companions, and new + masters. Some of 'em writes my letters when I wants 'em wrote,—do + you mind?—writes my letters, wolf! They writes fifty hands; they're + not like sneaking you, as writes but one. I've had a firm mind and a firm + will to have your life, since you was down here at your sister's burying. + I han't seen a way to get you safe, and I've looked arter you to know your + ins and outs. For, says Old Orlick to himself, 'Somehow or another I'll + have him!' What! When I looks for you, I finds your uncle Provis, eh?" + </p> + <p> + Mill Pond Bank, and Chinks's Basin, and the Old Green Copper Ropewalk, all + so clear and plain! Provis in his rooms, the signal whose use was over, + pretty Clara, the good motherly woman, old Bill Barley on his back, all + drifting by, as on the swift stream of my life fast running out to sea! + </p> + <p> + "<i>You</i> with a uncle too! Why, I know'd you at Gargery's when you was so + small a wolf that I could have took your weazen betwixt this finger and + thumb and chucked you away dead (as I'd thoughts o' doing, odd times, when + I see you loitering amongst the pollards on a Sunday), and you hadn't + found no uncles then. No, not you! But when Old Orlick come for to hear + that your uncle Provis had most like wore the leg-iron wot Old Orlick had + picked up, filed asunder, on these meshes ever so many year ago, and wot + he kep by him till he dropped your sister with it, like a bullock, as he + means to drop you—hey?—when he come for to hear that—hey?" + </p> + <p> + In his savage taunting, he flared the candle so close at me that I turned + my face aside to save it from the flame. + </p> + <p> + "Ah!" he cried, laughing, after doing it again, "the burnt child dreads + the fire! Old Orlick knowed you was burnt, Old Orlick knowed you was + smuggling your uncle Provis away, Old Orlick's a match for you and know'd + you'd come to-night! Now I'll tell you something more, wolf, and this ends + it. There's them that's as good a match for your uncle Provis as Old + Orlick has been for you. Let him 'ware them, when he's lost his nevvy! Let + him 'ware them, when no man can't find a rag of his dear relation's + clothes, nor yet a bone of his body. There's them that can't and that + won't have Magwitch,—yes, <i>I</i> know the name!—alive in the same + land with them, and that's had such sure information of him when he was + alive in another land, as that he couldn't and shouldn't leave it + unbeknown and put them in danger. P'raps it's them that writes fifty + hands, and that's not like sneaking you as writes but one. 'Ware + Compeyson, Magwitch, and the gallows!" + </p> + <p> + He flared the candle at me again, smoking my face and hair, and for an + instant blinding me, and turned his powerful back as he replaced the light + on the table. I had thought a prayer, and had been with Joe and Biddy and + Herbert, before he turned towards me again. + </p> + <p> + There was a clear space of a few feet between the table and the opposite + wall. Within this space, he now slouched backwards and forwards. His great + strength seemed to sit stronger upon him than ever before, as he did this + with his hands hanging loose and heavy at his sides, and with his eyes + scowling at me. I had no grain of hope left. Wild as my inward hurry was, + and wonderful the force of the pictures that rushed by me instead of + thoughts, I could yet clearly understand that, unless he had resolved that + I was within a few moments of surely perishing out of all human knowledge, + he would never have told me what he had told. + </p> + <p> + Of a sudden, he stopped, took the cork out of his bottle, and tossed it + away. Light as it was, I heard it fall like a plummet. He swallowed + slowly, tilting up the bottle by little and little, and now he looked at + me no more. The last few drops of liquor he poured into the palm of his + hand, and licked up. Then, with a sudden hurry of violence and swearing + horribly, he threw the bottle from him, and stooped; and I saw in his hand + a stone-hammer with a long heavy handle. + </p> + <p> + The resolution I had made did not desert me, for, without uttering one + vain word of appeal to him, I shouted out with all my might, and struggled + with all my might. It was only my head and my legs that I could move, but + to that extent I struggled with all the force, until then unknown, that + was within me. In the same instant I heard responsive shouts, saw figures + and a gleam of light dash in at the door, heard voices and tumult, and saw + Orlick emerge from a struggle of men, as if it were tumbling water, clear + the table at a leap, and fly out into the night. + </p> + <p> + After a blank, I found that I was lying unbound, on the floor, in the same + place, with my head on some one's knee. My eyes were fixed on the ladder + against the wall, when I came to myself,—had opened on it before my + mind saw it,—and thus as I recovered consciousness, I knew that I + was in the place where I had lost it. + </p> + <p> + Too indifferent at first, even to look round and ascertain who supported + me, I was lying looking at the ladder, when there came between me and it a + face. The face of Trabb's boy! + </p> + <p> + "I think he's all right!" said Trabb's boy, in a sober voice; "but ain't + he just pale though!" + </p> + <p> + At these words, the face of him who supported me looked over into mine, + and I saw my supporter to be— + </p> + <p> + "Herbert! Great Heaven!" + </p> + <p> + "Softly," said Herbert. "Gently, Handel. Don't be too eager." + </p> + <p> + "And our old comrade, Startop!" I cried, as he too bent over me. + </p> + <p> + "Remember what he is going to assist us in," said Herbert, "and be calm." + </p> + <p> + The allusion made me spring up; though I dropped again from the pain in my + arm. "The time has not gone by, Herbert, has it? What night is to-night? + How long have I been here?" For, I had a strange and strong misgiving that + I had been lying there a long time—a day and a night,—two days + and nights,—more. + </p> + <p> + "The time has not gone by. It is still Monday night." + </p> + <p> + "Thank God!" + </p> + <p> + "And you have all to-morrow, Tuesday, to rest in," said Herbert. "But you + can't help groaning, my dear Handel. What hurt have you got? Can you + stand?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, yes," said I, "I can walk. I have no hurt but in this throbbing + arm." + </p> + <p> + They laid it bare, and did what they could. It was violently swollen and + inflamed, and I could scarcely endure to have it touched. But, they tore + up their handkerchiefs to make fresh bandages, and carefully replaced it + in the sling, until we could get to the town and obtain some cooling + lotion to put upon it. In a little while we had shut the door of the dark + and empty sluice-house, and were passing through the quarry on our way + back. Trabb's boy—Trabb's overgrown young man now—went before + us with a lantern, which was the light I had seen come in at the door. + But, the moon was a good two hours higher than when I had last seen the + sky, and the night, though rainy, was much lighter. The white vapor of the + kiln was passing from us as we went by, and as I had thought a prayer + before, I thought a thanksgiving now. + </p> + <p> + Entreating Herbert to tell me how he had come to my rescue,—which at + first he had flatly refused to do, but had insisted on my remaining quiet,—I + learnt that I had in my hurry dropped the letter, open, in our chambers, + where he, coming home to bring with him Startop whom he had met in the + street on his way to me, found it, very soon after I was gone. Its tone + made him uneasy, and the more so because of the inconsistency between it + and the hasty letter I had left for him. His uneasiness increasing instead + of subsiding, after a quarter of an hour's consideration, he set off for + the coach-office with Startop, who volunteered his company, to make + inquiry when the next coach went down. Finding that the afternoon coach + was gone, and finding that his uneasiness grew into positive alarm, as + obstacles came in his way, he resolved to follow in a post-chaise. So he + and Startop arrived at the Blue Boar, fully expecting there to find me, or + tidings of me; but, finding neither, went on to Miss Havisham's, where + they lost me. Hereupon they went back to the hotel (doubtless at about the + time when I was hearing the popular local version of my own story) to + refresh themselves and to get some one to guide them out upon the marshes. + Among the loungers under the Boar's archway happened to be Trabb's Boy,—true + to his ancient habit of happening to be everywhere where he had no + business,—and Trabb's boy had seen me passing from Miss Havisham's + in the direction of my dining-place. Thus Trabb's boy became their guide, + and with him they went out to the sluice-house, though by the town way to + the marshes, which I had avoided. Now, as they went along, Herbert + reflected, that I might, after all, have been brought there on some + genuine and serviceable errand tending to Provis's safety, and, bethinking + himself that in that case interruption must be mischievous, left his guide + and Startop on the edge of the quarry, and went on by himself, and stole + round the house two or three times, endeavouring to ascertain whether all + was right within. As he could hear nothing but indistinct sounds of one + deep rough voice (this was while my mind was so busy), he even at last + began to doubt whether I was there, when suddenly I cried out loudly, and + he answered the cries, and rushed in, closely followed by the other two. + </p> + <p> + When I told Herbert what had passed within the house, he was for our + immediately going before a magistrate in the town, late at night as it + was, and getting out a warrant. But, I had already considered that such a + course, by detaining us there, or binding us to come back, might be fatal + to Provis. There was no gainsaying this difficulty, and we relinquished + all thoughts of pursuing Orlick at that time. For the present, under the + circumstances, we deemed it prudent to make rather light of the matter to + Trabb's boy; who, I am convinced, would have been much affected by + disappointment, if he had known that his intervention saved me from the + limekiln. Not that Trabb's boy was of a malignant nature, but that he had + too much spare vivacity, and that it was in his constitution to want + variety and excitement at anybody's expense. When we parted, I presented + him with two guineas (which seemed to meet his views), and told him that I + was sorry ever to have had an ill opinion of him (which made no impression + on him at all). + </p> + <p> + Wednesday being so close upon us, we determined to go back to London that + night, three in the post-chaise; the rather, as we should then be clear + away before the night's adventure began to be talked of. Herbert got a + large bottle of stuff for my arm; and by dint of having this stuff dropped + over it all the night through, I was just able to bear its pain on the + journey. It was daylight when we reached the Temple, and I went at once to + bed, and lay in bed all day. + </p> + <p> + My terror, as I lay there, of falling ill, and being unfitted for + to-morrow, was so besetting, that I wonder it did not disable me of + itself. It would have done so, pretty surely, in conjunction with the + mental wear and tear I had suffered, but for the unnatural strain upon me + that to-morrow was. So anxiously looked forward to, charged with such + consequences, its results so impenetrably hidden, though so near. + </p> + <p> + No precaution could have been more obvious than our refraining from + communication with him that day; yet this again increased my restlessness. + I started at every footstep and every sound, believing that he was + discovered and taken, and this was the messenger to tell me so. I + persuaded myself that I knew he was taken; that there was something more + upon my mind than a fear or a presentiment; that the fact had occurred, + and I had a mysterious knowledge of it. As the days wore on, and no ill + news came, as the day closed in and darkness fell, my overshadowing dread + of being disabled by illness before to-morrow morning altogether mastered + me. My burning arm throbbed, and my burning head throbbed, and I fancied I + was beginning to wander. I counted up to high numbers, to make sure of + myself, and repeated passages that I knew in prose and verse. It happened + sometimes that in the mere escape of a fatigued mind, I dozed for some + moments or forgot; then I would say to myself with a start, "Now it has + come, and I am turning delirious!" + </p> + <p> + They kept me very quiet all day, and kept my arm constantly dressed, and + gave me cooling drinks. Whenever I fell asleep, I awoke with the notion I + had had in the sluice-house, that a long time had elapsed and the + opportunity to save him was gone. About midnight I got out of bed and went + to Herbert, with the conviction that I had been asleep for four-and-twenty + hours, and that Wednesday was past. It was the last self-exhausting effort + of my fretfulness, for after that I slept soundly. + </p> + <p> + Wednesday morning was dawning when I looked out of window. The winking + lights upon the bridges were already pale, the coming sun was like a marsh + of fire on the horizon. The river, still dark and mysterious, was spanned + by bridges that were turning coldly gray, with here and there at top a + warm touch from the burning in the sky. As I looked along the clustered + roofs, with church-towers and spires shooting into the unusually clear + air, the sun rose up, and a veil seemed to be drawn from the river, and + millions of sparkles burst out upon its waters. From me too, a veil seemed + to be drawn, and I felt strong and well. + </p> + <p> + Herbert lay asleep in his bed, and our old fellow-student lay asleep on + the sofa. I could not dress myself without help; but I made up the fire, + which was still burning, and got some coffee ready for them. In good time + they too started up strong and well, and we admitted the sharp morning air + at the windows, and looked at the tide that was still flowing towards us. + </p> + <p> + "When it turns at nine o'clock," said Herbert, cheerfully, "look out for + us, and stand ready, you over there at Mill Pond Bank!" + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0054" id="link2HCH0054"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter LIV + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span>t was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows + cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade. We had our + pea-coats with us, and I took a bag. Of all my worldly possessions I took + no more than the few necessaries that filled the bag. Where I might go, + what I might do, or when I might return, were questions utterly unknown to + me; nor did I vex my mind with them, for it was wholly set on Provis's + safety. I only wondered for the passing moment, as I stopped at the door + and looked back, under what altered circumstances I should next see those + rooms, if ever. + </p> + <p> + We loitered down to the Temple stairs, and stood loitering there, as if we + were not quite decided to go upon the water at all. Of course, I had taken + care that the boat should be ready and everything in order. After a little + show of indecision, which there were none to see but the two or three + amphibious creatures belonging to our Temple stairs, we went on board and + cast off; Herbert in the bow, I steering. It was then about high-water,—half-past + eight. + </p> + <p> + Our plan was this. The tide, beginning to run down at nine, and being with + us until three, we intended still to creep on after it had turned, and row + against it until dark. We should then be well in those long reaches below + Gravesend, between Kent and Essex, where the river is broad and solitary, + where the water-side inhabitants are very few, and where lone + public-houses are scattered here and there, of which we could choose one + for a resting-place. There, we meant to lie by all night. The steamer for + Hamburg and the steamer for Rotterdam would start from London at about + nine on Thursday morning. We should know at what time to expect them, + according to where we were, and would hail the first; so that, if by any + accident we were not taken abroad, we should have another chance. We knew + the distinguishing marks of each vessel. + </p> + <p> + The relief of being at last engaged in the execution of the purpose was so + great to me that I felt it difficult to realize the condition in which I + had been a few hours before. The crisp air, the sunlight, the movement on + the river, and the moving river itself,—the road that ran with us, + seeming to sympathize with us, animate us, and encourage us on,—freshened + me with new hope. I felt mortified to be of so little use in the boat; + but, there were few better oarsmen than my two friends, and they rowed + with a steady stroke that was to last all day. + </p> + <p> + At that time, the steam-traffic on the Thames was far below its present + extent, and watermen's boats were far more numerous. Of barges, sailing + colliers, and coasting-traders, there were perhaps, as many as now; but of + steam-ships, great and small, not a tithe or a twentieth part so many. + Early as it was, there were plenty of scullers going here and there that + morning, and plenty of barges dropping down with the tide; the navigation + of the river between bridges, in an open boat, was a much easier and + commoner matter in those days than it is in these; and we went ahead among + many skiffs and wherries briskly. + </p> + <p> + Old London Bridge was soon passed, and old Billingsgate Market with its + oyster-boats and Dutchmen, and the White Tower and Traitor's Gate, and we + were in among the tiers of shipping. Here were the Leith, Aberdeen, and + Glasgow steamers, loading and unloading goods, and looking immensely high + out of the water as we passed alongside; here, were colliers by the score + and score, with the coal-whippers plunging off stages on deck, as + counterweights to measures of coal swinging up, which were then rattled + over the side into barges; here, at her moorings was to-morrow's steamer + for Rotterdam, of which we took good notice; and here to-morrow's for + Hamburg, under whose bowsprit we crossed. And now I, sitting in the stern, + could see, with a faster beating heart, Mill Pond Bank and Mill Pond + stairs. + </p> + <p> + "Is he there?" said Herbert. + </p> + <p> + "Not yet." + </p> + <p> + "Right! He was not to come down till he saw us. Can you see his signal?" + </p> + <p> + "Not well from here; but I think I see it.—Now I see him! Pull both. + Easy, Herbert. Oars!" + </p> + <p> + We touched the stairs lightly for a single moment, and he was on board, + and we were off again. He had a boat-cloak with him, and a black canvas + bag; and he looked as like a river-pilot as my heart could have wished. + </p> + <p> + "Dear boy!" he said, putting his arm on my shoulder, as he took his seat. + "Faithful dear boy, well done. Thankye, thankye!" + </p> + <p> + Again among the tiers of shipping, in and out, avoiding rusty chain-cables + frayed hempen hawsers and bobbing buoys, sinking for the moment floating + broken baskets, scattering floating chips of wood and shaving, cleaving + floating scum of coal, in and out, under the figure-head of the <i>John of + Sunderland</i> making a speech to the winds (as is done by many Johns), and + the <i>Betsy of Yarmouth</i> with a firm formality of bosom and her knobby eyes + starting two inches out of her head; in and out, hammers going in + ship-builders' yards, saws going at timber, clashing engines going at + things unknown, pumps going in leaky ships, capstans going, ships going + out to sea, and unintelligible sea-creatures roaring curses over the + bulwarks at respondent lightermen, in and out,—out at last upon the + clearer river, where the ships' boys might take their fenders in, no + longer fishing in troubled waters with them over the side, and where the + festooned sails might fly out to the wind. + </p> + <p> + At the stairs where we had taken him abroad, and ever since, I had looked + warily for any token of our being suspected. I had seen none. We certainly + had not been, and at that time as certainly we were not either attended or + followed by any boat. If we had been waited on by any boat, I should have + run in to shore, and have obliged her to go on, or to make her purpose + evident. But we held our own without any appearance of molestation. + </p> + <p> + He had his boat-cloak on him, and looked, as I have said, a natural part + of the scene. It was remarkable (but perhaps the wretched life he had led + accounted for it) that he was the least anxious of any of us. He was not + indifferent, for he told me that he hoped to live to see his gentleman one + of the best of gentlemen in a foreign country; he was not disposed to be + passive or resigned, as I understood it; but he had no notion of meeting + danger half way. When it came upon him, he confronted it, but it must come + before he troubled himself. + </p> + <p> + "If you knowed, dear boy," he said to me, "what it is to sit here alonger + my dear boy and have my smoke, arter having been day by day betwixt four + walls, you'd envy me. But you don't know what it is." + </p> + <p> + "I think I know the delights of freedom," I answered. + </p> + <p> + "Ah," said he, shaking his head gravely. "But you don't know it equal to + me. You must have been under lock and key, dear boy, to know it equal to + me,—but I ain't a going to be low." + </p> + <p> + It occurred to me as inconsistent, that, for any mastering idea, he should + have endangered his freedom, and even his life. But I reflected that + perhaps freedom without danger was too much apart from all the habit of + his existence to be to him what it would be to another man. I was not far + out, since he said, after smoking a little:— + </p> + <p> + "You see, dear boy, when I was over yonder, t'other side the world, I was + always a looking to this side; and it come flat to be there, for all I was + a growing rich. Everybody knowed Magwitch, and Magwitch could come, and + Magwitch could go, and nobody's head would be troubled about him. They + ain't so easy concerning me here, dear boy,—wouldn't be, leastwise, + if they knowed where I was." + </p> + <p> + "If all goes well," said I, "you will be perfectly free and safe again + within a few hours." + </p> + <p> + "Well," he returned, drawing a long breath, "I hope so." + </p> + <p> + "And think so?" + </p> + <p> + He dipped his hand in the water over the boat's gunwale, and said, smiling + with that softened air upon him which was not new to me:— + </p> + <p> + "Ay, I s'pose I think so, dear boy. We'd be puzzled to be more quiet and + easy-going than we are at present. But—it's a flowing so soft and + pleasant through the water, p'raps, as makes me think it—I was a + thinking through my smoke just then, that we can no more see to the bottom + of the next few hours than we can see to the bottom of this river what I + catches hold of. Nor yet we can't no more hold their tide than I can hold + this. And it's run through my fingers and gone, you see!" holding up his + dripping hand. + </p> + <p> + "But for your face I should think you were a little despondent," said I. + </p> + <p> + "Not a bit on it, dear boy! It comes of flowing on so quiet, and of that + there rippling at the boat's head making a sort of a Sunday tune. Maybe + I'm a growing a trifle old besides." + </p> + <p> + He put his pipe back in his mouth with an undisturbed expression of face, + and sat as composed and contented as if we were already out of England. + Yet he was as submissive to a word of advice as if he had been in constant + terror; for, when we ran ashore to get some bottles of beer into the boat, + and he was stepping out, I hinted that I thought he would be safest where + he was, and he said. "Do you, dear boy?" and quietly sat down again. + </p> + <p> + The air felt cold upon the river, but it was a bright day, and the + sunshine was very cheering. The tide ran strong, I took care to lose none + of it, and our steady stroke carried us on thoroughly well. By + imperceptible degrees, as the tide ran out, we lost more and more of the + nearer woods and hills, and dropped lower and lower between the muddy + banks, but the tide was yet with us when we were off Gravesend. As our + charge was wrapped in his cloak, I purposely passed within a boat or two's + length of the floating Custom House, and so out to catch the stream, + alongside of two emigrant ships, and under the bows of a large transport + with troops on the forecastle looking down at us. And soon the tide began + to slacken, and the craft lying at anchor to swing, and presently they had + all swung round, and the ships that were taking advantage of the new tide + to get up to the Pool began to crowd upon us in a fleet, and we kept under + the shore, as much out of the strength of the tide now as we could, + standing carefully off from low shallows and mudbanks. + </p> + <p> + Our oarsmen were so fresh, by dint of having occasionally let her drive + with the tide for a minute or two, that a quarter of an hour's rest proved + full as much as they wanted. We got ashore among some slippery stones + while we ate and drank what we had with us, and looked about. It was like + my own marsh country, flat and monotonous, and with a dim horizon; while + the winding river turned and turned, and the great floating buoys upon it + turned and turned, and everything else seemed stranded and still. For now + the last of the fleet of ships was round the last low point we had headed; + and the last green barge, straw-laden, with a brown sail, had followed; + and some ballast-lighters, shaped like a child's first rude imitation of a + boat, lay low in the mud; and a little squat shoal-lighthouse on open + piles stood crippled in the mud on stilts and crutches; and slimy stakes + stuck out of the mud, and slimy stones stuck out of the mud, and red + landmarks and tidemarks stuck out of the mud, and an old landing-stage and + an old roofless building slipped into the mud, and all about us was + stagnation and mud. + </p> + <p> + We pushed off again, and made what way we could. It was much harder work + now, but Herbert and Startop persevered, and rowed and rowed and rowed + until the sun went down. By that time the river had lifted us a little, so + that we could see above the bank. There was the red sun, on the low level + of the shore, in a purple haze, fast deepening into black; and there was + the solitary flat marsh; and far away there were the rising grounds, + between which and us there seemed to be no life, save here and there in + the foreground a melancholy gull. + </p> + <p> + As the night was fast falling, and as the moon, being past the full, would + not rise early, we held a little council; a short one, for clearly our + course was to lie by at the first lonely tavern we could find. So, they + plied their oars once more, and I looked out for anything like a house. + Thus we held on, speaking little, for four or five dull miles. It was very + cold, and, a collier coming by us, with her galley-fire smoking and + flaring, looked like a comfortable home. The night was as dark by this + time as it would be until morning; and what light we had, seemed to come + more from the river than the sky, as the oars in their dipping struck at a + few reflected stars. + </p> + <p> + At this dismal time we were evidently all possessed by the idea that we + were followed. As the tide made, it flapped heavily at irregular intervals + against the shore; and whenever such a sound came, one or other of us was + sure to start, and look in that direction. Here and there, the set of the + current had worn down the bank into a little creek, and we were all + suspicious of such places, and eyed them nervously. Sometimes, "What was + that ripple?" one of us would say in a low voice. Or another, "Is that a + boat yonder?" And afterwards we would fall into a dead silence, and I + would sit impatiently thinking with what an unusual amount of noise the + oars worked in the thowels. + </p> + <p> + At length we descried a light and a roof, and presently afterwards ran + alongside a little causeway made of stones that had been picked up hard + by. Leaving the rest in the boat, I stepped ashore, and found the light to + be in a window of a public-house. It was a dirty place enough, and I dare + say not unknown to smuggling adventurers; but there was a good fire in the + kitchen, and there were eggs and bacon to eat, and various liquors to + drink. Also, there were two double-bedded rooms,—"such as they + were," the landlord said. No other company was in the house than the + landlord, his wife, and a grizzled male creature, the "Jack" of the little + causeway, who was as slimy and smeary as if he had been low-water mark + too. + </p> + <p> + With this assistant, I went down to the boat again, and we all came + ashore, and brought out the oars, and rudder and boat-hook, and all else, + and hauled her up for the night. We made a very good meal by the kitchen + fire, and then apportioned the bedrooms: Herbert and Startop were to + occupy one; I and our charge the other. We found the air as carefully + excluded from both, as if air were fatal to life; and there were more + dirty clothes and bandboxes under the beds than I should have thought the + family possessed. But we considered ourselves well off, notwithstanding, + for a more solitary place we could not have found. + </p> + <p> + While we were comforting ourselves by the fire after our meal, the Jack—who + was sitting in a corner, and who had a bloated pair of shoes on, which he + had exhibited while we were eating our eggs and bacon, as interesting + relics that he had taken a few days ago from the feet of a drowned seaman + washed ashore—asked me if we had seen a four-oared galley going up + with the tide? When I told him No, he said she must have gone down then, + and yet she "took up too," when she left there. + </p> + <p> + "They must ha' thought better on't for some reason or another," said the + Jack, "and gone down." + </p> + <p> + "A four-oared galley, did you say?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "A four," said the Jack, "and two sitters." + </p> + <p> + "Did they come ashore here?" + </p> + <p> + "They put in with a stone two-gallon jar for some beer. I'd ha' been glad + to pison the beer myself," said the Jack, "or put some rattling physic in + it." + </p> + <p> + "Why?" + </p> + <p> + "<i>I</i> know why," said the Jack. He spoke in a slushy voice, as if much mud + had washed into his throat. + </p> + <p> + "He thinks," said the landlord, a weakly meditative man with a pale eye, + who seemed to rely greatly on his Jack,—"he thinks they was, what + they wasn't." + </p> + <p> + "<i>I</i> knows what I thinks," observed the Jack. + </p> + <p> + "<i>You</i> thinks Custum 'Us, Jack?" said the landlord. + </p> + <p> + "I do," said the Jack. + </p> + <p> + "Then you're wrong, Jack." + </p> + <p> + "AM I!" + </p> + <p> + In the infinite meaning of his reply and his boundless confidence in his + views, the Jack took one of his bloated shoes off, looked into it, knocked + a few stones out of it on the kitchen floor, and put it on again. He did + this with the air of a Jack who was so right that he could afford to do + anything. + </p> + <p> + "Why, what do you make out that they done with their buttons then, Jack?" + asked the landlord, vacillating weakly. + </p> + <p> + "Done with their buttons?" returned the Jack. "Chucked 'em overboard. + Swallered 'em. Sowed 'em, to come up small salad. Done with their + buttons!" + </p> + <p> + "Don't be cheeky, Jack," remonstrated the landlord, in a melancholy and + pathetic way. + </p> + <p> + "A Custum 'Us officer knows what to do with his Buttons," said the Jack, + repeating the obnoxious word with the greatest contempt, "when they comes + betwixt him and his own light. A four and two sitters don't go hanging and + hovering, up with one tide and down with another, and both with and + against another, without there being Custum 'Us at the bottom of it." + Saying which he went out in disdain; and the landlord, having no one to + reply upon, found it impracticable to pursue the subject. + </p> + <p> + This dialogue made us all uneasy, and me very uneasy. The dismal wind was + muttering round the house, the tide was flapping at the shore, and I had a + feeling that we were caged and threatened. A four-oared galley hovering + about in so unusual a way as to attract this notice was an ugly + circumstance that I could not get rid of. When I had induced Provis to go + up to bed, I went outside with my two companions (Startop by this time + knew the state of the case), and held another council. Whether we should + remain at the house until near the steamer's time, which would be about + one in the afternoon, or whether we should put off early in the morning, + was the question we discussed. On the whole we deemed it the better course + to lie where we were, until within an hour or so of the steamer's time, + and then to get out in her track, and drift easily with the tide. Having + settled to do this, we returned into the house and went to bed. + </p> + <p> + I lay down with the greater part of my clothes on, and slept well for a + few hours. When I awoke, the wind had risen, and the sign of the house + (the Ship) was creaking and banging about, with noises that startled me. + Rising softly, for my charge lay fast asleep, I looked out of the window. + It commanded the causeway where we had hauled up our boat, and, as my eyes + adapted themselves to the light of the clouded moon, I saw two men looking + into her. They passed by under the window, looking at nothing else, and + they did not go down to the landing-place which I could discern to be + empty, but struck across the marsh in the direction of the Nore. + </p> + <p> + My first impulse was to call up Herbert, and show him the two men going + away. But reflecting, before I got into his room, which was at the back of + the house and adjoined mine, that he and Startop had had a harder day than + I, and were fatigued, I forbore. Going back to my window, I could see the + two men moving over the marsh. In that light, however, I soon lost them, + and, feeling very cold, lay down to think of the matter, and fell asleep + again. + </p> + <p> + We were up early. As we walked to and fro, all four together, before + breakfast, I deemed it right to recount what I had seen. Again our charge + was the least anxious of the party. It was very likely that the men + belonged to the Custom House, he said quietly, and that they had no + thought of us. I tried to persuade myself that it was so,—as, + indeed, it might easily be. However, I proposed that he and I should walk + away together to a distant point we could see, and that the boat should + take us aboard there, or as near there as might prove feasible, at about + noon. This being considered a good precaution, soon after breakfast he and + I set forth, without saying anything at the tavern. + </p> + <p> + He smoked his pipe as we went along, and sometimes stopped to clap me on + the shoulder. One would have supposed that it was I who was in danger, not + he, and that he was reassuring me. We spoke very little. As we approached + the point, I begged him to remain in a sheltered place, while I went on to + reconnoitre; for it was towards it that the men had passed in the night. + He complied, and I went on alone. There was no boat off the point, nor any + boat drawn up anywhere near it, nor were there any signs of the men having + embarked there. But, to be sure, the tide was high, and there might have + been some footpints under water. + </p> + <p> + When he looked out from his shelter in the distance, and saw that I waved + my hat to him to come up, he rejoined me, and there we waited; sometimes + lying on the bank, wrapped in our coats, and sometimes moving about to + warm ourselves, until we saw our boat coming round. We got aboard easily, + and rowed out into the track of the steamer. By that time it wanted but + ten minutes of one o'clock, and we began to look out for her smoke. + </p> + <p> + But, it was half-past one before we saw her smoke, and soon afterwards we + saw behind it the smoke of another steamer. As they were coming on at full + speed, we got the two bags ready, and took that opportunity of saying good + by to Herbert and Startop. We had all shaken hands cordially, and neither + Herbert's eyes nor mine were quite dry, when I saw a four-oared galley + shoot out from under the bank but a little way ahead of us, and row out + into the same track. + </p> + <p> + A stretch of shore had been as yet between us and the steamer's smoke, by + reason of the bend and wind of the river; but now she was visible, coming + head on. I called to Herbert and Startop to keep before the tide, that she + might see us lying by for her, and I adjured Provis to sit quite still, + wrapped in his cloak. He answered cheerily, "Trust to me, dear boy," and + sat like a statue. Meantime the galley, which was very skilfully handled, + had crossed us, let us come up with her, and fallen alongside. Leaving + just room enough for the play of the oars, she kept alongside, drifting + when we drifted, and pulling a stroke or two when we pulled. Of the two + sitters one held the rudder-lines, and looked at us attentively,—as + did all the rowers; the other sitter was wrapped up, much as Provis was, + and seemed to shrink, and whisper some instruction to the steerer as he + looked at us. Not a word was spoken in either boat. + </p> + <p> + Startop could make out, after a few minutes, which steamer was first, and + gave me the word "Hamburg," in a low voice, as we sat face to face. She + was nearing us very fast, and the beating of her peddles grew louder and + louder. I felt as if her shadow were absolutely upon us, when the galley + hailed us. I answered. + </p> + <p> + "You have a returned Transport there," said the man who held the lines. + "That's the man, wrapped in the cloak. His name is Abel Magwitch, + otherwise Provis. I apprehend that man, and call upon him to surrender, + and you to assist." + </p> + <p> + At the same moment, without giving any audible direction to his crew, he + ran the galley abroad of us. They had pulled one sudden stroke ahead, had + got their oars in, had run athwart us, and were holding on to our gunwale, + before we knew what they were doing. This caused great confusion on board + the steamer, and I heard them calling to us, and heard the order given to + stop the paddles, and heard them stop, but felt her driving down upon us + irresistibly. In the same moment, I saw the steersman of the galley lay + his hand on his prisoner's shoulder, and saw that both boats were swinging + round with the force of the tide, and saw that all hands on board the + steamer were running forward quite frantically. Still, in the same moment, + I saw the prisoner start up, lean across his captor, and pull the cloak + from the neck of the shrinking sitter in the galley. Still in the same + moment, I saw that the face disclosed, was the face of the other convict + of long ago. Still, in the same moment, I saw the face tilt backward with + a white terror on it that I shall never forget, and heard a great cry on + board the steamer, and a loud splash in the water, and felt the boat sink + from under me. + </p> + <p> + It was but for an instant that I seemed to struggle with a thousand + mill-weirs and a thousand flashes of light; that instant past, I was taken + on board the galley. Herbert was there, and Startop was there; but our + boat was gone, and the two convicts were gone. + </p> + <p> + What with the cries aboard the steamer, and the furious blowing off of her + steam, and her driving on, and our driving on, I could not at first + distinguish sky from water or shore from shore; but the crew of the galley + righted her with great speed, and, pulling certain swift strong strokes + ahead, lay upon their oars, every man looking silently and eagerly at the + water astern. Presently a dark object was seen in it, bearing towards us + on the tide. No man spoke, but the steersman held up his hand, and all + softly backed water, and kept the boat straight and true before it. As it + came nearer, I saw it to be Magwitch, swimming, but not swimming freely. + He was taken on board, and instantly manacled at the wrists and ankles. + </p> + <p> + The galley was kept steady, and the silent, eager look-out at the water + was resumed. But, the Rotterdam steamer now came up, and apparently not + understanding what had happened, came on at speed. By the time she had + been hailed and stopped, both steamers were drifting away from us, and we + were rising and falling in a troubled wake of water. The look-out was + kept, long after all was still again and the two steamers were gone; but + everybody knew that it was hopeless now. + </p> + <p> + At length we gave it up, and pulled under the shore towards the tavern we + had lately left, where we were received with no little surprise. Here I + was able to get some comforts for Magwitch,—Provis no longer,—who + had received some very severe injury in the Chest, and a deep cut in the + head. + </p> + <p> + He told me that he believed himself to have gone under the keel of the + steamer, and to have been struck on the head in rising. The injury to his + chest (which rendered his breathing extremely painful) he thought he had + received against the side of the galley. He added that he did not pretend + to say what he might or might not have done to Compeyson, but that, in the + moment of his laying his hand on his cloak to identify him, that villain + had staggered up and staggered back, and they had both gone overboard + together, when the sudden wrenching of him (Magwitch) out of our boat, and + the endeavor of his captor to keep him in it, had capsized us. He told me + in a whisper that they had gone down fiercely locked in each other's arms, + and that there had been a struggle under water, and that he had disengaged + himself, struck out, and swum away. + </p> + <p> + I never had any reason to doubt the exact truth of what he thus told me. + The officer who steered the galley gave the same account of their going + overboard. + </p> + <p> + When I asked this officer's permission to change the prisoner's wet + clothes by purchasing any spare garments I could get at the public-house, + he gave it readily: merely observing that he must take charge of + everything his prisoner had about him. So the pocket-book which had once + been in my hands passed into the officer's. He further gave me leave to + accompany the prisoner to London; but declined to accord that grace to my + two friends. + </p> + <p> + The Jack at the Ship was instructed where the drowned man had gone down, + and undertook to search for the body in the places where it was likeliest + to come ashore. His interest in its recovery seemed to me to be much + heightened when he heard that it had stockings on. Probably, it took about + a dozen drowned men to fit him out completely; and that may have been the + reason why the different articles of his dress were in various stages of + decay. + </p> + <p> + We remained at the public-house until the tide turned, and then Magwitch + was carried down to the galley and put on board. Herbert and Startop were + to get to London by land, as soon as they could. We had a doleful parting, + and when I took my place by Magwitch's side, I felt that that was my place + henceforth while he lived. + </p> + <p> + For now, my repugnance to him had all melted away; and in the hunted, + wounded, shackled creature who held my hand in his, I only saw a man who + had meant to be my benefactor, and who had felt affectionately, + gratefully, and generously, towards me with great constancy through a + series of years. I only saw in him a much better man than I had been to + Joe. + </p> + <p> + His breathing became more difficult and painful as the night drew on, and + often he could not repress a groan. I tried to rest him on the arm I could + use, in any easy position; but it was dreadful to think that I could not + be sorry at heart for his being badly hurt, since it was unquestionably + best that he should die. That there were, still living, people enough who + were able and willing to identify him, I could not doubt. That he would be + leniently treated, I could not hope. He who had been presented in the + worst light at his trial, who had since broken prison and had been tried + again, who had returned from transportation under a life sentence, and who + had occasioned the death of the man who was the cause of his arrest. + </p> + <p> + As we returned towards the setting sun we had yesterday left behind us, + and as the stream of our hopes seemed all running back, I told him how + grieved I was to think that he had come home for my sake. + </p> + <p> + "Dear boy," he answered, "I'm quite content to take my chance. I've seen + my boy, and he can be a gentleman without me." + </p> + <p> + No. I had thought about that, while we had been there side by side. No. + Apart from any inclinations of my own, I understood Wemmick's hint now. I + foresaw that, being convicted, his possessions would be forfeited to the + Crown. + </p> + <p> + "Lookee here, dear boy," said he "It's best as a gentleman should not be + knowed to belong to me now. Only come to see me as if you come by chance + alonger Wemmick. Sit where I can see you when I am swore to, for the last + o' many times, and I don't ask no more." + </p> + <p> + "I will never stir from your side," said I, "when I am suffered to be near + you. Please God, I will be as true to you as you have been to me!" + </p> + <p> + I felt his hand tremble as it held mine, and he turned his face away as he + lay in the bottom of the boat, and I heard that old sound in his throat,—softened + now, like all the rest of him. It was a good thing that he had touched + this point, for it put into my mind what I might not otherwise have + thought of until too late,—that he need never know how his hopes of + enriching me had perished. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0055" id="link2HCH0055"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter LV + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">H</span>e was taken to the Police Court next day, and would have been immediately + committed for trial, but that it was necessary to send down for an old + officer of the prison-ship from which he had once escaped, to speak to his + identity. Nobody doubted it; but Compeyson, who had meant to depose to it, + was tumbling on the tides, dead, and it happened that there was not at + that time any prison officer in London who could give the required + evidence. I had gone direct to Mr. Jaggers at his private house, on my + arrival over night, to retain his assistance, and Mr. Jaggers on the + prisoner's behalf would admit nothing. It was the sole resource; for he + told me that the case must be over in five minutes when the witness was + there, and that no power on earth could prevent its going against us. + </p> + <p> + I imparted to Mr. Jaggers my design of keeping him in ignorance of the + fate of his wealth. Mr. Jaggers was querulous and angry with me for having + "let it slip through my fingers," and said we must memorialize by and by, + and try at all events for some of it. But he did not conceal from me that, + although there might be many cases in which the forfeiture would not be + exacted, there were no circumstances in this case to make it one of them. + I understood that very well. I was not related to the outlaw, or connected + with him by any recognizable tie; he had put his hand to no writing or + settlement in my favor before his apprehension, and to do so now would be + idle. I had no claim, and I finally resolved, and ever afterwards abided + by the resolution, that my heart should never be sickened with the + hopeless task of attempting to establish one. + </p> + <p> + There appeared to be reason for supposing that the drowned informer had + hoped for a reward out of this forfeiture, and had obtained some accurate + knowledge of Magwitch's affairs. When his body was found, many miles from + the scene of his death, and so horribly disfigured that he was only + recognizable by the contents of his pockets, notes were still legible, + folded in a case he carried. Among these were the name of a banking-house + in New South Wales, where a sum of money was, and the designation of + certain lands of considerable value. Both these heads of information were + in a list that Magwitch, while in prison, gave to Mr. Jaggers, of the + possessions he supposed I should inherit. His ignorance, poor fellow, at + last served him; he never mistrusted but that my inheritance was quite + safe, with Mr. Jaggers's aid. + </p> + <p> + After three days' delay, during which the crown prosecution stood over for + the production of the witness from the prison-ship, the witness came, and + completed the easy case. He was committed to take his trial at the next + Sessions, which would come on in a month. + </p> + <p> + It was at this dark time of my life that Herbert returned home one + evening, a good deal cast down, and said,— + </p> + <p> + "My dear Handel, I fear I shall soon have to leave you." + </p> + <p> + His partner having prepared me for that, I was less surprised than he + thought. + </p> + <p> + "We shall lose a fine opportunity if I put off going to Cairo, and I am + very much afraid I must go, Handel, when you most need me." + </p> + <p> + "Herbert, I shall always need you, because I shall always love you; but my + need is no greater now than at another time." + </p> + <p> + "You will be so lonely." + </p> + <p> + "I have not leisure to think of that," said I. "You know that I am always + with him to the full extent of the time allowed, and that I should be with + him all day long, if I could. And when I come away from him, you know that + my thoughts are with him." + </p> + <p> + The dreadful condition to which he was brought, was so appalling to both + of us, that we could not refer to it in plainer words. + </p> + <p> + "My dear fellow," said Herbert, "let the near prospect of our separation—for, + it is very near—be my justification for troubling you about + yourself. Have you thought of your future?" + </p> + <p> + "No, for I have been afraid to think of any future." + </p> + <p> + "But yours cannot be dismissed; indeed, my dear dear Handel, it must not + be dismissed. I wish you would enter on it now, as far as a few friendly + words go, with me." + </p> + <p> + "I will," said I. + </p> + <p> + "In this branch house of ours, Handel, we must have a—" + </p> + <p> + I saw that his delicacy was avoiding the right word, so I said, "A clerk." + </p> + <p> + "A clerk. And I hope it is not at all unlikely that he may expand (as a + clerk of your acquaintance has expanded) into a partner. Now, Handel,—in + short, my dear boy, will you come to me?" + </p> + <p> + There was something charmingly cordial and engaging in the manner in which + after saying "Now, Handel," as if it were the grave beginning of a + portentous business exordium, he had suddenly given up that tone, + stretched out his honest hand, and spoken like a schoolboy. + </p> + <p> + "Clara and I have talked about it again and again," Herbert pursued, "and + the dear little thing begged me only this evening, with tears in her eyes, + to say to you that, if you will live with us when we come together, she + will do her best to make you happy, and to convince her husband's friend + that he is her friend too. We should get on so well, Handel!" + </p> + <p> + I thanked her heartily, and I thanked him heartily, but said I could not + yet make sure of joining him as he so kindly offered. Firstly, my mind was + too preoccupied to be able to take in the subject clearly. Secondly,—Yes! + Secondly, there was a vague something lingering in my thoughts that will + come out very near the end of this slight narrative. + </p> + <p> + "But if you thought, Herbert, that you could, without doing any injury to + your business, leave the question open for a little while—" + </p> + <p> + "For any while," cried Herbert. "Six months, a year!" + </p> + <p> + "Not so long as that," said I. "Two or three months at most." + </p> + <p> + Herbert was highly delighted when we shook hands on this arrangement, and + said he could now take courage to tell me that he believed he must go away + at the end of the week. + </p> + <p> + "And Clara?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "The dear little thing," returned Herbert, "holds dutifully to her father + as long as he lasts; but he won't last long. Mrs. Whimple confides to me + that he is certainly going." + </p> + <p> + "Not to say an unfeeling thing," said I, "he cannot do better than go." + </p> + <p> + "I am afraid that must be admitted," said Herbert; "and then I shall come + back for the dear little thing, and the dear little thing and I will walk + quietly into the nearest church. Remember! The blessed darling comes of no + family, my dear Handel, and never looked into the red book, and hasn't a + notion about her grandpapa. What a fortune for the son of my mother!" + </p> + <p> + On the Saturday in that same week, I took my leave of Herbert,—full + of bright hope, but sad and sorry to leave me,—as he sat on one of + the seaport mail coaches. I went into a coffee-house to write a little + note to Clara, telling her he had gone off, sending his love to her over + and over again, and then went to my lonely home,—if it deserved the + name; for it was now no home to me, and I had no home anywhere. + </p> + <p> + On the stairs I encountered Wemmick, who was coming down, after an + unsuccessful application of his knuckles to my door. I had not seen him + alone since the disastrous issue of the attempted flight; and he had come, + in his private and personal capacity, to say a few words of explanation in + reference to that failure. + </p> + <p> + "The late Compeyson," said Wemmick, "had by little and little got at the + bottom of half of the regular business now transacted; and it was from the + talk of some of his people in trouble (some of his people being always in + trouble) that I heard what I did. I kept my ears open, seeming to have + them shut, until I heard that he was absent, and I thought that would be + the best time for making the attempt. I can only suppose now, that it was + a part of his policy, as a very clever man, habitually to deceive his own + instruments. You don't blame me, I hope, Mr. Pip? I am sure I tried to + serve you, with all my heart." + </p> + <p> + "I am as sure of that, Wemmick, as you can be, and I thank you most + earnestly for all your interest and friendship." + </p> + <p> + "Thank you, thank you very much. It's a bad job," said Wemmick, scratching + his head, "and I assure you I haven't been so cut up for a long time. What + I look at is the sacrifice of so much portable property. Dear me!" + </p> + <p> + "What <i>I</i> think of, Wemmick, is the poor owner of the property." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, to be sure," said Wemmick. "Of course, there can be no objection to + your being sorry for him, and I'd put down a five-pound note myself to get + him out of it. But what I look at is this. The late Compeyson having been + beforehand with him in intelligence of his return, and being so determined + to bring him to book, I do not think he could have been saved. Whereas, + the portable property certainly could have been saved. That's the + difference between the property and the owner, don't you see?" + </p> + <p> + I invited Wemmick to come up stairs, and refresh himself with a glass of + grog before walking to Walworth. He accepted the invitation. While he was + drinking his moderate allowance, he said, with nothing to lead up to it, + and after having appeared rather fidgety,— + </p> + <p> + "What do you think of my meaning to take a holiday on Monday, Mr. Pip?" + </p> + <p> + "Why, I suppose you have not done such a thing these twelve months." + </p> + <p> + "These twelve years, more likely," said Wemmick. "Yes. I'm going to take a + holiday. More than that; I'm going to take a walk. More than that; I'm + going to ask you to take a walk with me." + </p> + <p> + I was about to excuse myself, as being but a bad companion just then, when + Wemmick anticipated me. + </p> + <p> + "I know your engagements," said he, "and I know you are out of sorts, Mr. + Pip. But if you <i>could</i> oblige me, I should take it as a kindness. It ain't + a long walk, and it's an early one. Say it might occupy you (including + breakfast on the walk) from eight to twelve. Couldn't you stretch a point + and manage it?" + </p> + <p> + He had done so much for me at various times, that this was very little to + do for him. I said I could manage it,—would manage it,—and he + was so very much pleased by my acquiescence, that I was pleased too. At + his particular request, I appointed to call for him at the Castle at half + past eight on Monday morning, and so we parted for the time. + </p> + <p> + Punctual to my appointment, I rang at the Castle gate on the Monday + morning, and was received by Wemmick himself, who struck me as looking + tighter than usual, and having a sleeker hat on. Within, there were two + glasses of rum and milk prepared, and two biscuits. The Aged must have + been stirring with the lark, for, glancing into the perspective of his + bedroom, I observed that his bed was empty. + </p> + <p> + When we had fortified ourselves with the rum and milk and biscuits, and + were going out for the walk with that training preparation on us, I was + considerably surprised to see Wemmick take up a fishing-rod, and put it + over his shoulder. "Why, we are not going fishing!" said I. "No," returned + Wemmick, "but I like to walk with one." + </p> + <p> + I thought this odd; however, I said nothing, and we set off. We went + towards Camberwell Green, and when we were thereabouts, Wemmick said + suddenly,— + </p> + <p> + "Halloa! Here's a church!" + </p> + <p> + There was nothing very surprising in that; but again, I was rather + surprised, when he said, as if he were animated by a brilliant idea,— + </p> + <p> + "Let's go in!" + </p> + <p> + We went in, Wemmick leaving his fishing-rod in the porch, and looked all + round. In the mean time, Wemmick was diving into his coat-pockets, and + getting something out of paper there. + </p> + <p> + "Halloa!" said he. "Here's a couple of pair of gloves! Let's put 'em on!" + </p> + <p> + As the gloves were white kid gloves, and as the post-office was widened to + its utmost extent, I now began to have my strong suspicions. They were + strengthened into certainty when I beheld the Aged enter at a side door, + escorting a lady. + </p> + <p> + "Halloa!" said Wemmick. "Here's Miss Skiffins! Let's have a wedding." + </p> + <p> + That discreet damsel was attired as usual, except that she was now engaged + in substituting for her green kid gloves a pair of white. The Aged was + likewise occupied in preparing a similar sacrifice for the altar of Hymen. + The old gentleman, however, experienced so much difficulty in getting his + gloves on, that Wemmick found it necessary to put him with his back + against a pillar, and then to get behind the pillar himself and pull away + at them, while I for my part held the old gentleman round the waist, that + he might present an equal and safe resistance. By dint of this ingenious + scheme, his gloves were got on to perfection. + </p> + <p> + The clerk and clergyman then appearing, we were ranged in order at those + fatal rails. True to his notion of seeming to do it all without + preparation, I heard Wemmick say to himself, as he took something out of + his waistcoat-pocket before the service began, "Halloa! Here's a ring!" + </p> + <p> + I acted in the capacity of backer, or best-man, to the bridegroom; while a + little limp pew-opener in a soft bonnet like a baby's, made a feint of + being the bosom friend of Miss Skiffins. The responsibility of giving the + lady away devolved upon the Aged, which led to the clergyman's being + unintentionally scandalized, and it happened thus. When he said, "Who + giveth this woman to be married to this man?" the old gentlemen, not in + the least knowing what point of the ceremony we had arrived at, stood most + amiably beaming at the ten commandments. Upon which, the clergyman said + again, "WHO giveth this woman to be married to this man?" The old + gentleman being still in a state of most estimable unconsciousness, the + bridegroom cried out in his accustomed voice, "Now Aged P. you know; who + giveth?" To which the Aged replied with great briskness, before saying + that <i>he</i> gave, "All right, John, all right, my boy!" And the clergyman came + to so gloomy a pause upon it, that I had doubts for the moment whether we + should get completely married that day. + </p> + <p> + It was completely done, however, and when we were going out of church + Wemmick took the cover off the font, and put his white gloves in it, and + put the cover on again. Mrs. Wemmick, more heedful of the future, put her + white gloves in her pocket and assumed her green. "<i>Now</i>, Mr. Pip," said + Wemmick, triumphantly shouldering the fishing-rod as we came out, "let me + ask you whether anybody would suppose this to be a wedding-party!" + </p> + <p> + Breakfast had been ordered at a pleasant little tavern, a mile or so away + upon the rising ground beyond the green; and there was a bagatelle board + in the room, in case we should desire to unbend our minds after the + solemnity. It was pleasant to observe that Mrs. Wemmick no longer unwound + Wemmick's arm when it adapted itself to her figure, but sat in a + high-backed chair against the wall, like a violoncello in its case, and + submitted to be embraced as that melodious instrument might have done. + </p> + <p> + We had an excellent breakfast, and when any one declined anything on + table, Wemmick said, "Provided by contract, you know; don't be afraid of + it!" I drank to the new couple, drank to the Aged, drank to the Castle, + saluted the bride at parting, and made myself as agreeable as I could. + </p> + <p> + Wemmick came down to the door with me, and I again shook hands with him, + and wished him joy. + </p> + <p> + "Thankee!" said Wemmick, rubbing his hands. "She's such a manager of + fowls, you have no idea. You shall have some eggs, and judge for yourself. + I say, Mr. Pip!" calling me back, and speaking low. "This is altogether a + Walworth sentiment, please." + </p> + <p> + "I understand. Not to be mentioned in Little Britain," said I. + </p> + <p> + Wemmick nodded. "After what you let out the other day, Mr. Jaggers may as + well not know of it. He might think my brain was softening, or something + of the kind." + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0056" id="link2HCH0056"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter LVI + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">H</span>e lay in prison very ill, during the whole interval between his committal + for trial and the coming round of the Sessions. He had broken two ribs, + they had wounded one of his lungs, and he breathed with great pain and + difficulty, which increased daily. It was a consequence of his hurt that + he spoke so low as to be scarcely audible; therefore he spoke very little. + But he was ever ready to listen to me; and it became the first duty of my + life to say to him, and read to him, what I knew he ought to hear. + </p> + <p> + Being far too ill to remain in the common prison, he was removed, after + the first day or so, into the infirmary. This gave me opportunities of + being with him that I could not otherwise have had. And but for his + illness he would have been put in irons, for he was regarded as a + determined prison-breaker, and I know not what else. + </p> + <p> + Although I saw him every day, it was for only a short time; hence, the + regularly recurring spaces of our separation were long enough to record on + his face any slight changes that occurred in his physical state. I do not + recollect that I once saw any change in it for the better; he wasted, and + became slowly weaker and worse, day by day, from the day when the prison + door closed upon him. + </p> + <p> + The kind of submission or resignation that he showed was that of a man who + was tired out. I sometimes derived an impression, from his manner or from + a whispered word or two which escaped him, that he pondered over the + question whether he might have been a better man under better + circumstances. But he never justified himself by a hint tending that way, + or tried to bend the past out of its eternal shape. + </p> + <p> + It happened on two or three occasions in my presence, that his desperate + reputation was alluded to by one or other of the people in attendance on + him. A smile crossed his face then, and he turned his eyes on me with a + trustful look, as if he were confident that I had seen some small + redeeming touch in him, even so long ago as when I was a little child. As + to all the rest, he was humble and contrite, and I never knew him + complain. + </p> + <p> + When the Sessions came round, Mr. Jaggers caused an application to be made + for the postponement of his trial until the following Sessions. It was + obviously made with the assurance that he could not live so long, and was + refused. The trial came on at once, and, when he was put to the bar, he + was seated in a chair. No objection was made to my getting close to the + dock, on the outside of it, and holding the hand that he stretched forth + to me. + </p> + <p> + The trial was very short and very clear. Such things as could be said for + him were said,—how he had taken to industrious habits, and had + thriven lawfully and reputably. But nothing could unsay the fact that he + had returned, and was there in presence of the Judge and Jury. It was + impossible to try him for that, and do otherwise than find him guilty. + </p> + <p> + At that time, it was the custom (as I learnt from my terrible experience + of that Sessions) to devote a concluding day to the passing of Sentences, + and to make a finishing effect with the Sentence of Death. But for the + indelible picture that my remembrance now holds before me, I could + scarcely believe, even as I write these words, that I saw two-and-thirty + men and women put before the Judge to receive that sentence together. + Foremost among the two-and-thirty was he; seated, that he might get breath + enough to keep life in him. + </p> + <p> + The whole scene starts out again in the vivid colors of the moment, down + to the drops of April rain on the windows of the court, glittering in the + rays of April sun. Penned in the dock, as I again stood outside it at the + corner with his hand in mine, were the two-and-thirty men and women; some + defiant, some stricken with terror, some sobbing and weeping, some + covering their faces, some staring gloomily about. There had been shrieks + from among the women convicts; but they had been stilled, and a hush had + succeeded. The sheriffs with their great chains and nosegays, other civic + gewgaws and monsters, criers, ushers, a great gallery full of people,—a + large theatrical audience,—looked on, as the two-and-thirty and the + Judge were solemnly confronted. Then the Judge addressed them. Among the + wretched creatures before him whom he must single out for special address + was one who almost from his infancy had been an offender against the laws; + who, after repeated imprisonments and punishments, had been at length + sentenced to exile for a term of years; and who, under circumstances of + great violence and daring, had made his escape and been re-sentenced to + exile for life. That miserable man would seem for a time to have become + convinced of his errors, when far removed from the scenes of his old + offences, and to have lived a peaceable and honest life. But in a fatal + moment, yielding to those propensities and passions, the indulgence of + which had so long rendered him a scourge to society, he had quitted his + haven of rest and repentance, and had come back to the country where he + was proscribed. Being here presently denounced, he had for a time + succeeded in evading the officers of Justice, but being at length seized + while in the act of flight, he had resisted them, and had—he best + knew whether by express design, or in the blindness of his hardihood—caused + the death of his denouncer, to whom his whole career was known. The + appointed punishment for his return to the land that had cast him out, + being Death, and his case being this aggravated case, he must prepare + himself to Die. + </p> + <p> + The sun was striking in at the great windows of the court, through the + glittering drops of rain upon the glass, and it made a broad shaft of + light between the two-and-thirty and the Judge, linking both together, and + perhaps reminding some among the audience how both were passing on, with + absolute equality, to the greater Judgment that knoweth all things, and + cannot err. Rising for a moment, a distinct speck of face in this way of + light, the prisoner said, "My Lord, I have received my sentence of Death + from the Almighty, but I bow to yours," and sat down again. There was some + hushing, and the Judge went on with what he had to say to the rest. Then + they were all formally doomed, and some of them were supported out, and + some of them sauntered out with a haggard look of bravery, and a few + nodded to the gallery, and two or three shook hands, and others went out + chewing the fragments of herb they had taken from the sweet herbs lying + about. He went last of all, because of having to be helped from his chair, + and to go very slowly; and he held my hand while all the others were + removed, and while the audience got up (putting their dresses right, as + they might at church or elsewhere), and pointed down at this criminal or + at that, and most of all at him and me. + </p> + <p> + I earnestly hoped and prayed that he might die before the Recorder's + Report was made; but, in the dread of his lingering on, I began that night + to write out a petition to the Home Secretary of State, setting forth my + knowledge of him, and how it was that he had come back for my sake. I + wrote it as fervently and pathetically as I could; and when I had finished + it and sent it in, I wrote out other petitions to such men in authority as + I hoped were the most merciful, and drew up one to the Crown itself. For + several days and nights after he was sentenced I took no rest except when + I fell asleep in my chair, but was wholly absorbed in these appeals. And + after I had sent them in, I could not keep away from the places where they + were, but felt as if they were more hopeful and less desperate when I was + near them. In this unreasonable restlessness and pain of mind I would roam + the streets of an evening, wandering by those offices and houses where I + had left the petitions. To the present hour, the weary western streets of + London on a cold, dusty spring night, with their ranges of stern, shut-up + mansions, and their long rows of lamps, are melancholy to me from this + association. + </p> + <p> + The daily visits I could make him were shortened now, and he was more + strictly kept. Seeing, or fancying, that I was suspected of an intention + of carrying poison to him, I asked to be searched before I sat down at his + bedside, and told the officer who was always there, that I was willing to + do anything that would assure him of the singleness of my designs. Nobody + was hard with him or with me. There was duty to be done, and it was done, + but not harshly. The officer always gave me the assurance that he was + worse, and some other sick prisoners in the room, and some other prisoners + who attended on them as sick nurses, (malefactors, but not incapable of + kindness, God be thanked!) always joined in the same report. + </p> + <p> + As the days went on, I noticed more and more that he would lie placidly + looking at the white ceiling, with an absence of light in his face until + some word of mine brightened it for an instant, and then it would subside + again. Sometimes he was almost or quite unable to speak, then he would + answer me with slight pressures on my hand, and I grew to understand his + meaning very well. + </p> + <p> + The number of the days had risen to ten, when I saw a greater change in + him than I had seen yet. His eyes were turned towards the door, and + lighted up as I entered. + </p> + <p> + "Dear boy," he said, as I sat down by his bed: "I thought you was late. + But I knowed you couldn't be that." + </p> + <p> + "It is just the time," said I. "I waited for it at the gate." + </p> + <p> + "You always waits at the gate; don't you, dear boy?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes. Not to lose a moment of the time." + </p> + <p> + "Thank'ee dear boy, thank'ee. God bless you! You've never deserted me, + dear boy." + </p> + <p> + I pressed his hand in silence, for I could not forget that I had once + meant to desert him. + </p> + <p> + "And what's the best of all," he said, "you've been more comfortable + alonger me, since I was under a dark cloud, than when the sun shone. + That's best of all." + </p> + <p> + He lay on his back, breathing with great difficulty. Do what he would, and + love me though he did, the light left his face ever and again, and a film + came over the placid look at the white ceiling. + </p> + <p> + "Are you in much pain to-day?" + </p> + <p> + "I don't complain of none, dear boy." + </p> + <p> + "You never do complain." + </p> + <p> + He had spoken his last words. He smiled, and I understood his touch to + mean that he wished to lift my hand, and lay it on his breast. I laid it + there, and he smiled again, and put both his hands upon it. + </p> + <p> + The allotted time ran out, while we were thus; but, looking round, I found + the governor of the prison standing near me, and he whispered, "You + needn't go yet." I thanked him gratefully, and asked, "Might I speak to + him, if he can hear me?" + </p> + <p> + The governor stepped aside, and beckoned the officer away. The change, + though it was made without noise, drew back the film from the placid look + at the white ceiling, and he looked most affectionately at me. + </p> + <p> + "Dear Magwitch, I must tell you now, at last. You understand what I say?" + </p> + <p> + A gentle pressure on my hand. + </p> + <p> + "You had a child once, whom you loved and lost." + </p> + <p> + A stronger pressure on my hand. + </p> + <p> + "She lived, and found powerful friends. She is living now. She is a lady + and very beautiful. And I love her!" + </p> + <p> + With a last faint effort, which would have been powerless but for my + yielding to it and assisting it, he raised my hand to his lips. Then, he + gently let it sink upon his breast again, with his own hands lying on it. + The placid look at the white ceiling came back, and passed away, and his + head dropped quietly on his breast. + </p> + <p> + Mindful, then, of what we had read together, I thought of the two men who + went up into the Temple to pray, and I knew there were no better words + that I could say beside his bed, than "O Lord, be merciful to him a + sinner!" + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0057" id="link2HCH0057"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter LVII + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">N</span>ow that I was left wholly to myself, I gave notice of my intention to + quit the chambers in the Temple as soon as my tenancy could legally + determine, and in the meanwhile to underlet them. At once I put bills up + in the windows; for, I was in debt, and had scarcely any money, and began + to be seriously alarmed by the state of my affairs. I ought rather to + write that I should have been alarmed if I had had energy and + concentration enough to help me to the clear perception of any truth + beyond the fact that I was falling very ill. The late stress upon me had + enabled me to put off illness, but not to put it away; I knew that it was + coming on me now, and I knew very little else, and was even careless as to + that. + </p> + <p> + For a day or two, I lay on the sofa, or on the floor,—anywhere, + according as I happened to sink down,—with a heavy head and aching + limbs, and no purpose, and no power. Then there came, one night which + appeared of great duration, and which teemed with anxiety and horror; and + when in the morning I tried to sit up in my bed and think of it, I found I + could not do so. + </p> + <p> + Whether I really had been down in Garden Court in the dead of the night, + groping about for the boat that I supposed to be there; whether I had two + or three times come to myself on the staircase with great terror, not + knowing how I had got out of bed; whether I had found myself lighting the + lamp, possessed by the idea that he was coming up the stairs, and that the + lights were blown out; whether I had been inexpressibly harassed by the + distracted talking, laughing, and groaning of some one, and had half + suspected those sounds to be of my own making; whether there had been a + closed iron furnace in a dark corner of the room, and a voice had called + out, over and over again, that Miss Havisham was consuming within it,—these + were things that I tried to settle with myself and get into some order, as + I lay that morning on my bed. But the vapor of a limekiln would come + between me and them, disordering them all, and it was through the vapor at + last that I saw two men looking at me. + </p> + <p> + "What do you want?" I asked, starting; "I don't know you." + </p> + <p> + "Well, sir," returned one of them, bending down and touching me on the + shoulder, "this is a matter that you'll soon arrange, I dare say, but + you're arrested." + </p> + <p> + "What is the debt?" + </p> + <p> + "Hundred and twenty-three pound, fifteen, six. Jeweller's account, I + think." + </p> + <p> + "What is to be done?" + </p> + <p> + "You had better come to my house," said the man. "I keep a very nice + house." + </p> + <p> + I made some attempt to get up and dress myself. When I next attended to + them, they were standing a little off from the bed, looking at me. I still + lay there. + </p> + <p> + "You see my state," said I. "I would come with you if I could; but indeed + I am quite unable. If you take me from here, I think I shall die by the + way." + </p> + <p> + Perhaps they replied, or argued the point, or tried to encourage me to + believe that I was better than I thought. Forasmuch as they hang in my + memory by only this one slender thread, I don't know what they did, except + that they forbore to remove me. + </p> + <p> + That I had a fever and was avoided, that I suffered greatly, that I often + lost my reason, that the time seemed interminable, that I confounded + impossible existences with my own identity; that I was a brick in the + house-wall, and yet entreating to be released from the giddy place where + the builders had set me; that I was a steel beam of a vast engine, + clashing and whirling over a gulf, and yet that I implored in my own + person to have the engine stopped, and my part in it hammered off; that I + passed through these phases of disease, I know of my own remembrance, and + did in some sort know at the time. That I sometimes struggled with real + people, in the belief that they were murderers, and that I would all at + once comprehend that they meant to do me good, and would then sink + exhausted in their arms, and suffer them to lay me down, I also knew at + the time. But, above all, I knew that there was a constant tendency in all + these people,—who, when I was very ill, would present all kinds of + extraordinary transformations of the human face, and would be much dilated + in size,—above all, I say, I knew that there was an extraordinary + tendency in all these people, sooner or later, to settle down into the + likeness of Joe. + </p> + <p> + After I had turned the worst point of my illness, I began to notice that + while all its other features changed, this one consistent feature did not + change. Whoever came about me, still settled down into Joe. I opened my + eyes in the night, and I saw, in the great chair at the bedside, Joe. I + opened my eyes in the day, and, sitting on the window-seat, smoking his + pipe in the shaded open window, still I saw Joe. I asked for cooling + drink, and the dear hand that gave it me was Joe's. I sank back on my + pillow after drinking, and the face that looked so hopefully and tenderly + upon me was the face of Joe. + </p> + <p> + At last, one day, I took courage, and said, "<i>Is</i> it Joe?" + </p> + <p> + And the dear old home-voice answered, "Which it air, old chap." + </p> + <p> + "O Joe, you break my heart! Look angry at me, Joe. Strike me, Joe. Tell me + of my ingratitude. Don't be so good to me!" + </p> + <p> + For Joe had actually laid his head down on the pillow at my side, and put + his arm round my neck, in his joy that I knew him. + </p> + <p> + "Which dear old Pip, old chap," said Joe, "you and me was ever friends. + And when you're well enough to go out for a ride—what larks!" + </p> + <p> + After which, Joe withdrew to the window, and stood with his back towards + me, wiping his eyes. And as my extreme weakness prevented me from getting + up and going to him, I lay there, penitently whispering, "O God bless him! + O God bless this gentle Christian man!" + </p> + <p> + Joe's eyes were red when I next found him beside me; but I was holding his + hand, and we both felt happy. + </p> + <p> + "How long, dear Joe?" + </p> + <p> + "Which you meantersay, Pip, how long have your illness lasted, dear old + chap?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, Joe." + </p> + <p> + "It's the end of May, Pip. To-morrow is the first of June." + </p> + <p> + "And have you been here all that time, dear Joe?" + </p> + <p> + "Pretty nigh, old chap. For, as I says to Biddy when the news of your + being ill were brought by letter, which it were brought by the post, and + being formerly single he is now married though underpaid for a deal of + walking and shoe-leather, but wealth were not a object on his part, and + marriage were the great wish of his hart—" + </p> + <p> + "It is so delightful to hear you, Joe! But I interrupt you in what you + said to Biddy." + </p> + <p> + "Which it were," said Joe, "that how you might be amongst strangers, and + that how you and me having been ever friends, a wisit at such a moment + might not prove unacceptabobble. And Biddy, her word were, 'Go to him, + without loss of time.' That," said Joe, summing up with his judicial air, + "were the word of Biddy. 'Go to him,' Biddy say, 'without loss of time.' + In short, I shouldn't greatly deceive you," Joe added, after a little + grave reflection, "if I represented to you that the word of that young + woman were, 'without a minute's loss of time.'" + </p> + <p> + There Joe cut himself short, and informed me that I was to be talked to in + great moderation, and that I was to take a little nourishment at stated + frequent times, whether I felt inclined for it or not, and that I was to + submit myself to all his orders. So I kissed his hand, and lay quiet, + while he proceeded to indite a note to Biddy, with my love in it. + </p> + <p> + Evidently Biddy had taught Joe to write. As I lay in bed looking at him, + it made me, in my weak state, cry again with pleasure to see the pride + with which he set about his letter. My bedstead, divested of its curtains, + had been removed, with me upon it, into the sitting-room, as the airiest + and largest, and the carpet had been taken away, and the room kept always + fresh and wholesome night and day. At my own writing-table, pushed into a + corner and cumbered with little bottles, Joe now sat down to his great + work, first choosing a pen from the pen-tray as if it were a chest of + large tools, and tucking up his sleeves as if he were going to wield a + crow-bar or sledgehammer. It was necessary for Joe to hold on heavily to + the table with his left elbow, and to get his right leg well out behind + him, before he could begin; and when he did begin he made every + down-stroke so slowly that it might have been six feet long, while at + every up-stroke I could hear his pen spluttering extensively. He had a + curious idea that the inkstand was on the side of him where it was not, + and constantly dipped his pen into space, and seemed quite satisfied with + the result. Occasionally, he was tripped up by some orthographical + stumbling-block; but on the whole he got on very well indeed; and when he + had signed his name, and had removed a finishing blot from the paper to + the crown of his head with his two forefingers, he got up and hovered + about the table, trying the effect of his performance from various points + of view, as it lay there, with unbounded satisfaction. + </p> + <p> + Not to make Joe uneasy by talking too much, even if I had been able to + talk much, I deferred asking him about Miss Havisham until next day. He + shook his head when I then asked him if she had recovered. + </p> + <p> + "Is she dead, Joe?" + </p> + <p> + "Why you see, old chap," said Joe, in a tone of remonstrance, and by way + of getting at it by degrees, "I wouldn't go so far as to say that, for + that's a deal to say; but she ain't—" + </p> + <p> + "Living, Joe?" + </p> + <p> + "That's nigher where it is," said Joe; "she ain't living." + </p> + <p> + "Did she linger long, Joe?" + </p> + <p> + "Arter you was took ill, pretty much about what you might call (if you was + put to it) a week," said Joe; still determined, on my account, to come at + everything by degrees. + </p> + <p> + "Dear Joe, have you heard what becomes of her property?" + </p> + <p> + "Well, old chap," said Joe, "it do appear that she had settled the most of + it, which I meantersay tied it up, on Miss Estella. But she had wrote out + a little coddleshell in her own hand a day or two afore the accident, + leaving a cool four thousand to Mr. Matthew Pocket. And why, do you + suppose, above all things, Pip, she left that cool four thousand unto him? + 'Because of Pip's account of him, the said Matthew.' I am told by Biddy, + that air the writing," said Joe, repeating the legal turn as if it did him + infinite good, "'account of him the said Matthew.' And a cool four + thousand, Pip!" + </p> + <p> + I never discovered from whom Joe derived the conventional temperature of + the four thousand pounds; but it appeared to make the sum of money more to + him, and he had a manifest relish in insisting on its being cool. + </p> + <p> + This account gave me great joy, as it perfected the only good thing I had + done. I asked Joe whether he had heard if any of the other relations had + any legacies? + </p> + <p> + "Miss Sarah," said Joe, "she have twenty-five pound perannium fur to buy + pills, on account of being bilious. Miss Georgiana, she have twenty pound + down. Mrs.—what's the name of them wild beasts with humps, old + chap?" + </p> + <p> + "Camels?" said I, wondering why he could possibly want to know. + </p> + <p> + Joe nodded. "Mrs. Camels," by which I presently understood he meant + Camilla, "she have five pound fur to buy rushlights to put her in spirits + when she wake up in the night." + </p> + <p> + The accuracy of these recitals was sufficiently obvious to me, to give me + great confidence in Joe's information. "And now," said Joe, "you ain't + that strong yet, old chap, that you can take in more nor one additional + shovelful to-day. Old Orlick he's been a bustin' open a dwelling-ouse." + </p> + <p> + "Whose?" said I. + </p> + <p> + "Not, I grant you, but what his manners is given to blusterous," said Joe, + apologetically; "still, a Englishman's ouse is his Castle, and castles + must not be busted 'cept when done in war time. And wotsume'er the + failings on his part, he were a corn and seedsman in his hart." + </p> + <p> + "Is it Pumblechook's house that has been broken into, then?" + </p> + <p> + "That's it, Pip," said Joe; "and they took his till, and they took his + cash-box, and they drinked his wine, and they partook of his wittles, and + they slapped his face, and they pulled his nose, and they tied him up to + his bedpust, and they giv' him a dozen, and they stuffed his mouth full of + flowering annuals to prewent his crying out. But he knowed Orlick, and + Orlick's in the county jail." + </p> + <p> + By these approaches we arrived at unrestricted conversation. I was slow to + gain strength, but I did slowly and surely become less weak, and Joe + stayed with me, and I fancied I was little Pip again. + </p> + <p> + For the tenderness of Joe was so beautifully proportioned to my need, that + I was like a child in his hands. He would sit and talk to me in the old + confidence, and with the old simplicity, and in the old unassertive + protecting way, so that I would half believe that all my life since the + days of the old kitchen was one of the mental troubles of the fever that + was gone. He did everything for me except the household work, for which he + had engaged a very decent woman, after paying off the laundress on his + first arrival. "Which I do assure you, Pip," he would often say, in + explanation of that liberty; "I found her a tapping the spare bed, like a + cask of beer, and drawing off the feathers in a bucket, for sale. Which + she would have tapped yourn next, and draw'd it off with you a laying on + it, and was then a carrying away the coals gradiwally in the soup-tureen + and wegetable-dishes, and the wine and spirits in your Wellington boots." + </p> + <p> + We looked forward to the day when I should go out for a ride, as we had + once looked forward to the day of my apprenticeship. And when the day + came, and an open carriage was got into the Lane, Joe wrapped me up, took + me in his arms, carried me down to it, and put me in, as if I were still + the small helpless creature to whom he had so abundantly given of the + wealth of his great nature. + </p> + <p> + And Joe got in beside me, and we drove away together into the country, + where the rich summer growth was already on the trees and on the grass, + and sweet summer scents filled all the air. The day happened to be Sunday, + and when I looked on the loveliness around me, and thought how it had + grown and changed, and how the little wild-flowers had been forming, and + the voices of the birds had been strengthening, by day and by night, under + the sun and under the stars, while poor I lay burning and tossing on my + bed, the mere remembrance of having burned and tossed there came like a + check upon my peace. But when I heard the Sunday bells, and looked around + a little more upon the outspread beauty, I felt that I was not nearly + thankful enough,—that I was too weak yet to be even that,—and + I laid my head on Joe's shoulder, as I had laid it long ago when he had + taken me to the Fair or where not, and it was too much for my young + senses. + </p> + <p> + More composure came to me after a while, and we talked as we used to talk, + lying on the grass at the old Battery. There was no change whatever in + Joe. Exactly what he had been in my eyes then, he was in my eyes still; + just as simply faithful, and as simply right. + </p> + <p> + When we got back again, and he lifted me out, and carried me—so + easily!—across the court and up the stairs, I thought of that + eventful Christmas Day when he had carried me over the marshes. We had not + yet made any allusion to my change of fortune, nor did I know how much of + my late history he was acquainted with. I was so doubtful of myself now, + and put so much trust in him, that I could not satisfy myself whether I + ought to refer to it when he did not. + </p> + <p> + "Have you heard, Joe," I asked him that evening, upon further + consideration, as he smoked his pipe at the window, "who my patron was?" + </p> + <p> + "I heerd," returned Joe, "as it were not Miss Havisham, old chap." + </p> + <p> + "Did you hear who it was, Joe?" + </p> + <p> + "Well! I heerd as it were a person what sent the person what giv' you the + bank-notes at the Jolly Bargemen, Pip." + </p> + <p> + "So it was." + </p> + <p> + "Astonishing!" said Joe, in the placidest way. + </p> + <p> + "Did you hear that he was dead, Joe?" I presently asked, with increasing + diffidence. + </p> + <p> + "Which? Him as sent the bank-notes, Pip?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes." + </p> + <p> + "I think," said Joe, after meditating a long time, and looking rather + evasively at the window-seat, "as I <i>did</i> hear tell that how he were + something or another in a general way in that direction." + </p> + <p> + "Did you hear anything of his circumstances, Joe?" + </p> + <p> + "Not partickler, Pip." + </p> + <p> + "If you would like to hear, Joe—" I was beginning, when Joe got up + and came to my sofa. + </p> + <p> + "Lookee here, old chap," said Joe, bending over me. "Ever the best of + friends; ain't us, Pip?" + </p> + <p> + I was ashamed to answer him. + </p> + <p> + "Wery good, then," said Joe, as if I <i>had</i> answered; "that's all right; + that's agreed upon. Then why go into subjects, old chap, which as betwixt + two sech must be for ever onnecessary? There's subjects enough as betwixt + two sech, without onnecessary ones. Lord! To think of your poor sister and + her Rampages! And don't you remember Tickler?" + </p> + <p> + "I do indeed, Joe." + </p> + <p> + "Lookee here, old chap," said Joe. "I done what I could to keep you and + Tickler in sunders, but my power were not always fully equal to my + inclinations. For when your poor sister had a mind to drop into you, it + were not so much," said Joe, in his favorite argumentative way, "that she + dropped into me too, if I put myself in opposition to her, but that she + dropped into you always heavier for it. I noticed that. It ain't a grab at + a man's whisker, not yet a shake or two of a man (to which your sister was + quite welcome), that 'ud put a man off from getting a little child out of + punishment. But when that little child is dropped into heavier for that + grab of whisker or shaking, then that man naterally up and says to + himself, 'Where is the good as you are a doing? I grant you I see the + 'arm,' says the man, 'but I don't see the good. I call upon you, sir, + therefore, to pint out the good.'" + </p> + <p> + "The man says?" I observed, as Joe waited for me to speak. + </p> + <p> + "The man says," Joe assented. "Is he right, that man?" + </p> + <p> + "Dear Joe, he is always right." + </p> + <p> + "Well, old chap," said Joe, "then abide by your words. If he's always + right (which in general he's more likely wrong), he's right when he says + this: Supposing ever you kep any little matter to yourself, when you was a + little child, you kep it mostly because you know'd as J. Gargery's power + to part you and Tickler in sunders were not fully equal to his + inclinations. Theerfore, think no more of it as betwixt two sech, and do + not let us pass remarks upon onnecessary subjects. Biddy giv' herself a + deal o' trouble with me afore I left (for I am almost awful dull), as I + should view it in this light, and, viewing it in this light, as I should + so put it. Both of which," said Joe, quite charmed with his logical + arrangement, "being done, now this to you a true friend, say. Namely. You + mustn't go a overdoing on it, but you must have your supper and your wine + and water, and you must be put betwixt the sheets." + </p> + <p> + The delicacy with which Joe dismissed this theme, and the sweet tact and + kindness with which Biddy—who with her woman's wit had found me out + so soon—had prepared him for it, made a deep impression on my mind. + But whether Joe knew how poor I was, and how my great expectations had all + dissolved, like our own marsh mists before the sun, I could not + understand. + </p> + <p> + Another thing in Joe that I could not understand when it first began to + develop itself, but which I soon arrived at a sorrowful comprehension of, + was this: As I became stronger and better, Joe became a little less easy + with me. In my weakness and entire dependence on him, the dear fellow had + fallen into the old tone, and called me by the old names, the dear "old + Pip, old chap," that now were music in my ears. I too had fallen into the + old ways, only happy and thankful that he let me. But, imperceptibly, + though I held by them fast, Joe's hold upon them began to slacken; and + whereas I wondered at this, at first, I soon began to understand that the + cause of it was in me, and that the fault of it was all mine. + </p> + <p> + Ah! Had I given Joe no reason to doubt my constancy, and to think that in + prosperity I should grow cold to him and cast him off? Had I given Joe's + innocent heart no cause to feel instinctively that as I got stronger, his + hold upon me would be weaker, and that he had better loosen it in time and + let me go, before I plucked myself away? + </p> + <p> + It was on the third or fourth occasion of my going out walking in the + Temple Gardens leaning on Joe's arm, that I saw this change in him very + plainly. We had been sitting in the bright warm sunlight, looking at the + river, and I chanced to say as we got up,— + </p> + <p> + "See, Joe! I can walk quite strongly. Now, you shall see me walk back by + myself." + </p> + <p> + "Which do not overdo it, Pip," said Joe; "but I shall be happy fur to see + you able, sir." + </p> + <p> + The last word grated on me; but how could I remonstrate! I walked no + further than the gate of the gardens, and then pretended to be weaker than + I was, and asked Joe for his arm. Joe gave it me, but was thoughtful. + </p> + <p> + I, for my part, was thoughtful too; for, how best to check this growing + change in Joe was a great perplexity to my remorseful thoughts. That I was + ashamed to tell him exactly how I was placed, and what I had come down to, + I do not seek to conceal; but I hope my reluctance was not quite an + unworthy one. He would want to help me out of his little savings, I knew, + and I knew that he ought not to help me, and that I must not suffer him to + do it. + </p> + <p> + It was a thoughtful evening with both of us. But, before we went to bed, I + had resolved that I would wait over to-morrow,—to-morrow being + Sunday,—and would begin my new course with the new week. On Monday + morning I would speak to Joe about this change, I would lay aside this + last vestige of reserve, I would tell him what I had in my thoughts (that + Secondly, not yet arrived at), and why I had not decided to go out to + Herbert, and then the change would be conquered for ever. As I cleared, + Joe cleared, and it seemed as though he had sympathetically arrived at a + resolution too. + </p> + <p> + We had a quiet day on the Sunday, and we rode out into the country, and + then walked in the fields. + </p> + <p> + "I feel thankful that I have been ill, Joe," I said. + </p> + <p> + "Dear old Pip, old chap, you're a'most come round, sir." + </p> + <p> + "It has been a memorable time for me, Joe." + </p> + <p> + "Likeways for myself, sir," Joe returned. + </p> + <p> + "We have had a time together, Joe, that I can never forget. There were + days once, I know, that I did for a while forget; but I never shall forget + these." + </p> + <p> + "Pip," said Joe, appearing a little hurried and troubled, "there has been + larks. And, dear sir, what have been betwixt us—have been." + </p> + <p> + At night, when I had gone to bed, Joe came into my room, as he had done + all through my recovery. He asked me if I felt sure that I was as well as + in the morning? + </p> + <p> + "Yes, dear Joe, quite." + </p> + <p> + "And are always a getting stronger, old chap?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, dear Joe, steadily." + </p> + <p> + Joe patted the coverlet on my shoulder with his great good hand, and said, + in what I thought a husky voice, "Good night!" + </p> + <p> + When I got up in the morning, refreshed and stronger yet, I was full of my + resolution to tell Joe all, without delay. I would tell him before + breakfast. I would dress at once and go to his room and surprise him; for, + it was the first day I had been up early. I went to his room, and he was + not there. Not only was he not there, but his box was gone. + </p> + <p> + I hurried then to the breakfast-table, and on it found a letter. These + were its brief contents:— + </p> + <p> + "Not wishful to intrude I have departured fur you are well again dear Pip + and will do better without JO. + </p> + <p> + "P.S. Ever the best of friends." + </p> + <p> + Enclosed in the letter was a receipt for the debt and costs on which I had + been arrested. Down to that moment, I had vainly supposed that my creditor + had withdrawn, or suspended proceedings until I should be quite recovered. + I had never dreamed of Joe's having paid the money; but Joe had paid it, + and the receipt was in his name. + </p> + <p> + What remained for me now, but to follow him to the dear old forge, and + there to have out my disclosure to him, and my penitent remonstrance with + him, and there to relieve my mind and heart of that reserved Secondly, + which had begun as a vague something lingering in my thoughts, and had + formed into a settled purpose? + </p> + <p> + The purpose was, that I would go to Biddy, that I would show her how + humbled and repentant I came back, that I would tell her how I had lost + all I once hoped for, that I would remind her of our old confidences in my + first unhappy time. Then I would say to her, "Biddy, I think you once + liked me very well, when my errant heart, even while it strayed away from + you, was quieter and better with you than it ever has been since. If you + can like me only half as well once more, if you can take me with all my + faults and disappointments on my head, if you can receive me like a + forgiven child (and indeed I am as sorry, Biddy, and have as much need of + a hushing voice and a soothing hand), I hope I am a little worthier of you + that I was,—not much, but a little. And, Biddy, it shall rest with + you to say whether I shall work at the forge with Joe, or whether I shall + try for any different occupation down in this country, or whether we shall + go away to a distant place where an opportunity awaits me which I set + aside, when it was offered, until I knew your answer. And now, dear Biddy, + if you can tell me that you will go through the world with me, you will + surely make it a better world for me, and me a better man for it, and I + will try hard to make it a better world for you." + </p> + <p> + Such was my purpose. After three days more of recovery, I went down to the + old place to put it in execution. And how I sped in it is all I have left + to tell. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0058" id="link2HCH0058"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter LVIII + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">T</span>he tidings of my high fortunes having had a heavy fall had got down to my + native place and its neighborhood before I got there. I found the Blue + Boar in possession of the intelligence, and I found that it made a great + change in the Boar's demeanour. Whereas the Boar had cultivated my good + opinion with warm assiduity when I was coming into property, the Boar was + exceedingly cool on the subject now that I was going out of property. + </p> + <p> + It was evening when I arrived, much fatigued by the journey I had so often + made so easily. The Boar could not put me into my usual bedroom, which was + engaged (probably by some one who had expectations), and could only assign + me a very indifferent chamber among the pigeons and post-chaises up the + yard. But I had as sound a sleep in that lodging as in the most superior + accommodation the Boar could have given me, and the quality of my dreams + was about the same as in the best bedroom. + </p> + <p> + Early in the morning, while my breakfast was getting ready, I strolled + round by Satis House. There were printed bills on the gate and on bits of + carpet hanging out of the windows, announcing a sale by auction of the + Household Furniture and Effects, next week. The House itself was to be + sold as old building materials, and pulled down. LOT 1 was marked in + whitewashed knock-knee letters on the brew house; LOT 2 on that part of + the main building which had been so long shut up. Other lots were marked + off on other parts of the structure, and the ivy had been torn down to + make room for the inscriptions, and much of it trailed low in the dust and + was withered already. Stepping in for a moment at the open gate, and + looking around me with the uncomfortable air of a stranger who had no + business there, I saw the auctioneer's clerk walking on the casks and + telling them off for the information of a catalogue-compiler, pen in hand, + who made a temporary desk of the wheeled chair I had so often pushed along + to the tune of Old Clem. + </p> + <p> + When I got back to my breakfast in the Boar's coffee-room, I found Mr. + Pumblechook conversing with the landlord. Mr. Pumblechook (not improved in + appearance by his late nocturnal adventure) was waiting for me, and + addressed me in the following terms:— + </p> + <p> + "Young man, I am sorry to see you brought low. But what else could be + expected! what else could be expected!" + </p> + <p> + As he extended his hand with a magnificently forgiving air, and as I was + broken by illness and unfit to quarrel, I took it. + </p> + <p> + "William," said Mr. Pumblechook to the waiter, "put a muffin on table. And + has it come to this! Has it come to this!" + </p> + <p> + I frowningly sat down to my breakfast. Mr. Pumblechook stood over me and + poured out my tea—before I could touch the teapot—with the air + of a benefactor who was resolved to be true to the last. + </p> + <p> + "William," said Mr. Pumblechook, mournfully, "put the salt on. In happier + times," addressing me, "I think you took sugar? And did you take milk? You + did. Sugar and milk. William, bring a watercress." + </p> + <p> + "Thank you," said I, shortly, "but I don't eat watercresses." + </p> + <p> + "You don't eat 'em," returned Mr. Pumblechook, sighing and nodding his + head several times, as if he might have expected that, and as if + abstinence from watercresses were consistent with my downfall. "True. The + simple fruits of the earth. No. You needn't bring any, William." + </p> + <p> + I went on with my breakfast, and Mr. Pumblechook continued to stand over + me, staring fishily and breathing noisily, as he always did. + </p> + <p> + "Little more than skin and bone!" mused Mr. Pumblechook, aloud. "And yet + when he went from here (I may say with my blessing), and I spread afore + him my humble store, like the Bee, he was as plump as a Peach!" + </p> + <p> + This reminded me of the wonderful difference between the servile manner in + which he had offered his hand in my new prosperity, saying, "May I?" and + the ostentatious clemency with which he had just now exhibited the same + fat five fingers. + </p> + <p> + "Hah!" he went on, handing me the bread and butter. "And air you a going + to Joseph?" + </p> + <p> + "In heaven's name," said I, firing in spite of myself, "what does it + matter to you where I am going? Leave that teapot alone." + </p> + <p> + It was the worst course I could have taken, because it gave Pumblechook + the opportunity he wanted. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, young man," said he, releasing the handle of the article in + question, retiring a step or two from my table, and speaking for the + behoof of the landlord and waiter at the door, "I <i>will</i> leave that teapot + alone. You are right, young man. For once you are right. I forgit myself + when I take such an interest in your breakfast, as to wish your frame, + exhausted by the debilitating effects of prodigygality, to be stimilated + by the 'olesome nourishment of your forefathers. And yet," said + Pumblechook, turning to the landlord and waiter, and pointing me out at + arm's length, "this is him as I ever sported with in his days of happy + infancy! Tell me not it cannot be; I tell you this is him!" + </p> + <p> + A low murmur from the two replied. The waiter appeared to be particularly + affected. + </p> + <p> + "This is him," said Pumblechook, "as I have rode in my shay-cart. This is + him as I have seen brought up by hand. This is him untoe the sister of + which I was uncle by marriage, as her name was Georgiana M'ria from her + own mother, let him deny it if he can!" + </p> + <p> + The waiter seemed convinced that I could not deny it, and that it gave the + case a black look. + </p> + <p> + "Young man," said Pumblechook, screwing his head at me in the old fashion, + "you air a going to Joseph. What does it matter to me, you ask me, where + you air a going? I say to you, Sir, you air a going to Joseph." + </p> + <p> + The waiter coughed, as if he modestly invited me to get over that. + </p> + <p> + "Now," said Pumblechook, and all this with a most exasperating air of + saying in the cause of virtue what was perfectly convincing and + conclusive, "I will tell you what to say to Joseph. Here is Squires of the + Boar present, known and respected in this town, and here is William, which + his father's name was Potkins if I do not deceive myself." + </p> + <p> + "You do not, sir," said William. + </p> + <p> + "In their presence," pursued Pumblechook, "I will tell you, young man, + what to say to Joseph. Says you, "Joseph, I have this day seen my earliest + benefactor and the founder of my fortun's. I will name no names, Joseph, + but so they are pleased to call him up town, and I have seen that man." + </p> + <p> + "I swear I don't see him here," said I. + </p> + <p> + "Say that likewise," retorted Pumblechook. "Say you said that, and even + Joseph will probably betray surprise." + </p> + <p> + "There you quite mistake him," said I. "I know better." + </p> + <p> + "Says you," Pumblechook went on, "'Joseph, I have seen that man, and that + man bears you no malice and bears me no malice. He knows your character, + Joseph, and is well acquainted with your pig-headedness and ignorance; and + he knows my character, Joseph, and he knows my want of gratitoode. Yes, + Joseph,' says you," here Pumblechook shook his head and hand at me, "'he + knows my total deficiency of common human gratitoode. <i>He</i> knows it, Joseph, + as none can. <i>You</i> do not know it, Joseph, having no call to know it, but + that man do.'" + </p> + <p> + Windy donkey as he was, it really amazed me that he could have the face to + talk thus to mine. + </p> + <p> + "Says you, 'Joseph, he gave me a little message, which I will now repeat. + It was that, in my being brought low, he saw the finger of Providence. He + knowed that finger when he saw Joseph, and he saw it plain. It pinted out + this writing, Joseph. <i>Reward of ingratitoode to his earliest benefactor, + and founder of fortun's</i>. But that man said he did not repent of what he + had done, Joseph. Not at all. It was right to do it, it was kind to do it, + it was benevolent to do it, and he would do it again.'" + </p> + <p> + "It's pity," said I, scornfully, as I finished my interrupted breakfast, + "that the man did not say what he had done and would do again." + </p> + <p> + "Squires of the Boar!" Pumblechook was now addressing the landlord, "and + William! I have no objections to your mentioning, either up town or down + town, if such should be your wishes, that it was right to do it, kind to + do it, benevolent to do it, and that I would do it again." + </p> + <p> + With those words the Impostor shook them both by the hand, with an air, + and left the house; leaving me much more astonished than delighted by the + virtues of that same indefinite "it." I was not long after him in leaving + the house too, and when I went down the High Street I saw him holding + forth (no doubt to the same effect) at his shop door to a select group, + who honored me with very unfavorable glances as I passed on the opposite + side of the way. + </p> + <p> + But, it was only the pleasanter to turn to Biddy and to Joe, whose great + forbearance shone more brightly than before, if that could be, contrasted + with this brazen pretender. I went towards them slowly, for my limbs were + weak, but with a sense of increasing relief as I drew nearer to them, and + a sense of leaving arrogance and untruthfulness further and further + behind. + </p> + <p> + The June weather was delicious. The sky was blue, the larks were soaring + high over the green corn, I thought all that countryside more beautiful + and peaceful by far than I had ever known it to be yet. Many pleasant + pictures of the life that I would lead there, and of the change for the + better that would come over my character when I had a guiding spirit at my + side whose simple faith and clear home wisdom I had proved, beguiled my + way. They awakened a tender emotion in me; for my heart was softened by my + return, and such a change had come to pass, that I felt like one who was + toiling home barefoot from distant travel, and whose wanderings had lasted + many years. + </p> + <p> + The schoolhouse where Biddy was mistress I had never seen; but, the little + roundabout lane by which I entered the village, for quietness' sake, took + me past it. I was disappointed to find that the day was a holiday; no + children were there, and Biddy's house was closed. Some hopeful notion of + seeing her, busily engaged in her daily duties, before she saw me, had + been in my mind and was defeated. + </p> + <p> + But the forge was a very short distance off, and I went towards it under + the sweet green limes, listening for the clink of Joe's hammer. Long after + I ought to have heard it, and long after I had fancied I heard it and + found it but a fancy, all was still. The limes were there, and the white + thorns were there, and the chestnut-trees were there, and their leaves + rustled harmoniously when I stopped to listen; but, the clink of Joe's + hammer was not in the midsummer wind. + </p> + <p> + Almost fearing, without knowing why, to come in view of the forge, I saw + it at last, and saw that it was closed. No gleam of fire, no glittering + shower of sparks, no roar of bellows; all shut up, and still. + </p> + <p> + But the house was not deserted, and the best parlor seemed to be in use, + for there were white curtains fluttering in its window, and the window was + open and gay with flowers. I went softly towards it, meaning to peep over + the flowers, when Joe and Biddy stood before me, arm in arm. + </p> + <p> + At first Biddy gave a cry, as if she thought it was my apparition, but in + another moment she was in my embrace. I wept to see her, and she wept to + see me; I, because she looked so fresh and pleasant; she, because I looked + so worn and white. + </p> + <p> + "But dear Biddy, how smart you are!" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, dear Pip." + </p> + <p> + "And Joe, how smart <i>you</i> are!" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, dear old Pip, old chap." + </p> + <p> + I looked at both of them, from one to the other, and then— + </p> + <p> + "It's my wedding-day!" cried Biddy, in a burst of happiness, "and I am + married to Joe!" + </p> + <p> + They had taken me into the kitchen, and I had laid my head down on the old + deal table. Biddy held one of my hands to her lips, and Joe's restoring + touch was on my shoulder. "Which he warn't strong enough, my dear, fur to + be surprised," said Joe. And Biddy said, "I ought to have thought of it, + dear Joe, but I was too happy." They were both so overjoyed to see me, so + proud to see me, so touched by my coming to them, so delighted that I + should have come by accident to make their day complete! + </p> + <p> + My first thought was one of great thankfulness that I had never breathed + this last baffled hope to Joe. How often, while he was with me in my + illness, had it risen to my lips! How irrevocable would have been his + knowledge of it, if he had remained with me but another hour! + </p> + <p> + "Dear Biddy," said I, "you have the best husband in the whole world, and + if you could have seen him by my bed you would have—But no, you + couldn't love him better than you do." + </p> + <p> + "No, I couldn't indeed," said Biddy. + </p> + <p> + "And, dear Joe, you have the best wife in the whole world, and she will + make you as happy as even you deserve to be, you dear, good, noble Joe!" + </p> + <p> + Joe looked at me with a quivering lip, and fairly put his sleeve before + his eyes. + </p> + <p> + "And Joe and Biddy both, as you have been to church to-day, and are in + charity and love with all mankind, receive my humble thanks for all you + have done for me, and all I have so ill repaid! And when I say that I am + going away within the hour, for I am soon going abroad, and that I shall + never rest until I have worked for the money with which you have kept me + out of prison, and have sent it to you, don't think, dear Joe and Biddy, + that if I could repay it a thousand times over, I suppose I could cancel a + farthing of the debt I owe you, or that I would do so if I could!" + </p> + <p> + They were both melted by these words, and both entreated me to say no + more. + </p> + <p> + "But I must say more. Dear Joe, I hope you will have children to love, and + that some little fellow will sit in this chimney-corner of a winter night, + who may remind you of another little fellow gone out of it for ever. Don't + tell him, Joe, that I was thankless; don't tell him, Biddy, that I was + ungenerous and unjust; only tell him that I honored you both, because you + were both so good and true, and that, as your child, I said it would be + natural to him to grow up a much better man than I did." + </p> + <p> + "I ain't a going," said Joe, from behind his sleeve, "to tell him nothink + o' that natur, Pip. Nor Biddy ain't. Nor yet no one ain't." + </p> + <p> + "And now, though I know you have already done it in your own kind hearts, + pray tell me, both, that you forgive me! Pray let me hear you say the + words, that I may carry the sound of them away with me, and then I shall + be able to believe that you can trust me, and think better of me, in the + time to come!" + </p> + <p> + "O dear old Pip, old chap," said Joe. "God knows as I forgive you, if I + have anythink to forgive!" + </p> + <p> + "Amen! And God knows I do!" echoed Biddy. + </p> + <p> + "Now let me go up and look at my old little room, and rest there a few + minutes by myself. And then, when I have eaten and drunk with you, go with + me as far as the finger-post, dear Joe and Biddy, before we say good by!" + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p> + I sold all I had, and put aside as much as I could, for a composition with + my creditors,—who gave me ample time to pay them in full,—and + I went out and joined Herbert. Within a month, I had quitted England, and + within two months I was clerk to Clarriker and Co., and within four months + I assumed my first undivided responsibility. For the beam across the + parlor ceiling at Mill Pond Bank had then ceased to tremble under old Bill + Barley's growls and was at peace, and Herbert had gone away to marry + Clara, and I was left in sole charge of the Eastern Branch until he + brought her back. + </p> + <p> + Many a year went round before I was a partner in the House; but I lived + happily with Herbert and his wife, and lived frugally, and paid my debts, + and maintained a constant correspondence with Biddy and Joe. It was not + until I became third in the Firm, that Clarriker betrayed me to Herbert; + but he then declared that the secret of Herbert's partnership had been + long enough upon his conscience, and he must tell it. So he told it, and + Herbert was as much moved as amazed, and the dear fellow and I were not + the worse friends for the long concealment. I must not leave it to be + supposed that we were ever a great House, or that we made mints of money. + We were not in a grand way of business, but we had a good name, and worked + for our profits, and did very well. We owed so much to Herbert's ever + cheerful industry and readiness, that I often wondered how I had conceived + that old idea of his inaptitude, until I was one day enlightened by the + reflection, that perhaps the inaptitude had never been in him at all, but + had been in me. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0059" id="link2HCH0059"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter LIX + </h2> +<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">F</span>or eleven years, I had not seen Joe nor Biddy with my bodily Eyes,—though + they had both been often before my fancy in the East,—when, upon an + evening in December, an hour or two after dark, I laid my hand softly on + the latch of the old kitchen door. I touched it so softly that I was not + heard, and looked in unseen. There, smoking his pipe in the old place by + the kitchen firelight, as hale and as strong as ever, though a little + gray, sat Joe; and there, fenced into the corner with Joe's leg, and + sitting on my own little stool looking at the fire, was—I again! + </p> + <p> + "We giv' him the name of Pip for your sake, dear old chap," said Joe, + delighted, when I took another stool by the child's side (but I did <i>not</i> + rumple his hair), "and we hoped he might grow a little bit like you, and + we think he do." + </p> + <p> + I thought so too, and I took him out for a walk next morning, and we + talked immensely, understanding one another to perfection. And I took him + down to the churchyard, and set him on a certain tombstone there, and he + showed me from that elevation which stone was sacred to the memory of + Philip Pirrip, late of this Parish, and Also Georgiana, Wife of the Above. + </p> + <p> + "Biddy," said I, when I talked with her after dinner, as her little girl + lay sleeping in her lap, "you must give Pip to me one of these days; or + lend him, at all events." + </p> + <p> + "No, no," said Biddy, gently. "You must marry." + </p> + <p> + "So Herbert and Clara say, but I don't think I shall, Biddy. I have so + settled down in their home, that it's not at all likely. I am already + quite an old bachelor." + </p> + <p> + Biddy looked down at her child, and put its little hand to her lips, and + then put the good matronly hand with which she had touched it into mine. + There was something in the action, and in the light pressure of Biddy's + wedding-ring, that had a very pretty eloquence in it. + </p> + <p> + "Dear Pip," said Biddy, "you are sure you don't fret for her?" + </p> + <p> + "O no,—I think not, Biddy." + </p> + <p> + "Tell me as an old, old friend. Have you quite forgotten her? + </p> + <p> + "My dear Biddy, I have forgotten nothing in my life that ever had a + foremost place there, and little that ever had any place there. But that + poor dream, as I once used to call it, has all gone by, Biddy,—all + gone by!" + </p> + <p> + Nevertheless, I knew, while I said those words, that I secretly intended + to revisit the site of the old house that evening, alone, for her sake. + Yes, even so. For Estella's sake. + </p> + <p> + I had heard of her as leading a most unhappy life, and as being separated + from her husband, who had used her with great cruelty, and who had become + quite renowned as a compound of pride, avarice, brutality, and meanness. + And I had heard of the death of her husband, from an accident consequent + on his ill-treatment of a horse. This release had befallen her some two + years before; for anything I knew, she was married again. + </p> + <p> + The early dinner hour at Joe's, left me abundance of time, without + hurrying my talk with Biddy, to walk over to the old spot before dark. + But, what with loitering on the way to look at old objects and to think of + old times, the day had quite declined when I came to the place. + </p> + <p> + There was no house now, no brewery, no building whatever left, but the + wall of the old garden. The cleared space had been enclosed with a rough + fence, and looking over it, I saw that some of the old ivy had struck root + anew, and was growing green on low quiet mounds of ruin. A gate in the + fence standing ajar, I pushed it open, and went in. + </p> + <p> + A cold silvery mist had veiled the afternoon, and the moon was not yet up + to scatter it. But, the stars were shining beyond the mist, and the moon + was coming, and the evening was not dark. I could trace out where every + part of the old house had been, and where the brewery had been, and where + the gates, and where the casks. I had done so, and was looking along the + desolate garden walk, when I beheld a solitary figure in it. + </p> + <p> + The figure showed itself aware of me, as I advanced. It had been moving + towards me, but it stood still. As I drew nearer, I saw it to be the + figure of a woman. As I drew nearer yet, it was about to turn away, when + it stopped, and let me come up with it. Then, it faltered, as if much + surprised, and uttered my name, and I cried out,— + </p> + <p> + "Estella!" + </p> + <p> + "I am greatly changed. I wonder you know me." + </p> + <p> + The freshness of her beauty was indeed gone, but its indescribable majesty + and its indescribable charm remained. Those attractions in it, I had seen + before; what I had never seen before, was the saddened, softened light of + the once proud eyes; what I had never felt before was the friendly touch + of the once insensible hand. + </p> + <p> + We sat down on a bench that was near, and I said, "After so many years, it + is strange that we should thus meet again, Estella, here where our first + meeting was! Do you often come back?" + </p> + <p> + "I have never been here since." + </p> + <p> + "Nor I." + </p> + <p> + The moon began to rise, and I thought of the placid look at the white + ceiling, which had passed away. The moon began to rise, and I thought of + the pressure on my hand when I had spoken the last words he had heard on + earth. + </p> + <p> + Estella was the next to break the silence that ensued between us. + </p> + <p> + "I have very often hoped and intended to come back, but have been + prevented by many circumstances. Poor, poor old place!" + </p> + <p> + The silvery mist was touched with the first rays of the moonlight, and the + same rays touched the tears that dropped from her eyes. Not knowing that I + saw them, and setting herself to get the better of them, she said quietly,— + </p> + <p> + "Were you wondering, as you walked along, how it came to be left in this + condition?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, Estella." + </p> + <p> + "The ground belongs to me. It is the only possession I have not + relinquished. Everything else has gone from me, little by little, but I + have kept this. It was the subject of the only determined resistance I + made in all the wretched years." + </p> + <p> + "Is it to be built on?" + </p> + <p> + "At last, it is. I came here to take leave of it before its change. And + you," she said, in a voice of touching interest to a wanderer,—"you + live abroad still?" + </p> + <p> + "Still." + </p> + <p> + "And do well, I am sure?" + </p> + <p> + "I work pretty hard for a sufficient living, and therefore—yes, I do + well." + </p> + <p> + "I have often thought of you," said Estella. + </p> + <p> + "Have you?" + </p> + <p> + "Of late, very often. There was a long hard time when I kept far from me + the remembrance of what I had thrown away when I was quite ignorant of its + worth. But since my duty has not been incompatible with the admission of + that remembrance, I have given it a place in my heart." + </p> + <p> + "You have always held your place in my heart," I answered. + </p> + <p> + And we were silent again until she spoke. + </p> + <p> + "I little thought," said Estella, "that I should take leave of you in + taking leave of this spot. I am very glad to do so." + </p> + <p> + "Glad to part again, Estella? To me, parting is a painful thing. To me, + the remembrance of our last parting has been ever mournful and painful." + </p> + <p> + "But you said to me," returned Estella, very earnestly, "'God bless you, + God forgive you!' And if you could say that to me then, you will not + hesitate to say that to me now,—now, when suffering has been + stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what + your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but—I hope—into + a better shape. Be as considerate and good to me as you were, and tell me + we are friends." + </p> + <p> + "We are friends," said I, rising and bending over her, as she rose from + the bench. + </p> + <p> + "And will continue friends apart," said Estella. + </p> + <p> + I took her hand in mine, and we went out of the ruined place; and, as the + morning mists had risen long ago when I first left the forge, so the + evening mists were rising now, and in all the broad expanse of tranquil + light they showed to me, I saw no shadow of another parting from her. + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Great Expectations, by Charles Dickens + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK GREAT EXPECTATIONS *** + +***** This file should be named 1400-h.htm or 1400-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/1/4/0/1400/ + +Produced by An Anonymous Volunteer, and David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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