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diff --git a/13922-0.txt b/13922-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d4bca9b --- /dev/null +++ b/13922-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,3868 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 13922 *** + + THE VISIONARY + OR + PICTURES FROM NORDLAND + + BY + JONAS LIE + + _TRANSLATED FROM THE NORWEGIAN_ + _BY JESSIE MUIR_ + + WITH A PREFACE + AND + PORTRAIT OF THE AUTHOR + + LONDON. + HODDER BROTHERS + 1894 + + + * * * * * + + +PREFACE + + +Until a few years ago, Norway was an unknown country to most Englishmen. +Occasionally a sportsman went there to kill salmon or to shoot reindeer, +but the fjords, glaciers, mountains, and waterfalls were quite beyond +the reach of any but the most venturesome travellers. Still less was it +supposed that Norway possessed a modern school of poets and novelists. +Wergeland, Welhaven, Munch, and Moe among the former, Björnson, Ibsen, +Kjelland, and Lie among the latter, were, as far as Englishmen were +concerned, "to fortune and to fame unknown." All this has been changed; +sportsmen now complain that it becomes more difficult every year to hire +rivers. Tourists swarm over the country from the Naze to the North Cape. +Ibsen's dramas are played in London theatres, and his novels, and those +of Björnson and Lie, are read in Germany and in France, as well as in +England and America. + +These three writers are of nearly the same age. Ibsen was born in 1828, +at Skien on the south-eastern coast of Norway; Björnson in the +Dovrefjeld in 1832; and Lie at Eker, near Drammen, in 1833. Five years +after his son's birth, Lie's father was appointed sheriff of Tromsö, +which lies within the Arctic Circle, and young Jonas Lauritz Edemil Lie, +to give him his full name, spent six of the most impressionable years of +his life at that remote port. There he heard from the sailors many +strange tales of romantic adventure and of hazardous escape from +shipwreck, with the not uncommon result that he wished to be a sailor +himself. He was, therefore, sent to the naval school at Fredriksværn; +but his defective eyesight proved fatal to the realisation of his wish +and the idea of a seafaring life had to be given up. He was removed from +Fredriksværn to the Latin School at Bergen, and in 1851 entered the +University of Christiania, where he made the acquaintance of Ibsen and +Björnson. He graduated in law in 1857, and shortly afterwards began to +practise at Konsvinger, a little town in Hamar's Stift between Lake +Miosen and the frontier of Sweden. Clients were not numerous or +profitable at Konsvinger; Lie found time to write for the newspapers and +became a frequent contributor to some of the Christiania journals. +Meantime, Ibsen and Björnson were becoming famous in Norway, and in 1865 +Lie, perhaps in a spirit of emulation, decided to abandon law for +literature. His first venture was a volume of poems which appeared in +1866 and was not successful. During the four following years he devoted +himself almost exclusively to journalism, working hard and without much +reward, but acquiring the pen of a ready writer and obtaining command of +a style which has proved serviceable in his subsequent career. In 1870 +he published "The Visionary,"--"Den Fremsynte"--of which a translation +is now, for the first time, offered to English readers. In the following +year he revisited Nordland and travelled into Finmark. Having obtained a +small travelling pension from the Government, immediately after his +journey to Nordland, he sought the greatest contrast he could find in +Europe to the scenes of his childhood and started for Rome. For a time +he lived in North Germany, then he migrated to Bavaria, spending his +winters in Paris. In 1882 he visited Norway for a time, but returned to +the continent of Europe. His voluntary exile from his native land ended +in the spring of 1893, when he settled at Holskogen, near Christiansund. + +"The Visionary" was followed in 1871 by a volume of short stories +"Fortoellinger," and during the next year by a larger and more ambitious +book, "The Three-master Future,"--"Tremasteren Fremtiden"--a realistic +sketch of life in the northern harbours of Norway. Two years later "The +Pilot and his Wife"--"Lodsen og hans Hustru"--appeared, a book in every +respect greatly in advance of its predecessors. Though written almost +entirely in an Italian village it has been justly described by an able +critic as "one of the saltiest stories ever published." It placed Lie on +a higher pedestal than he had ever before occupied, and brought him into +line with Ibsen and Björnson. "The Pilot and his Wife" made its author a +popular Norwegian writer, and as it has been translated into several +European languages--there are, I believe, two English versions--it was +the first step towards the wider reputation Lie now enjoys. His next +book was hardly a success. Leaving, happily only for a time, Norwegian +folk and Norwegian scenes, he attempted, in 1876, a drama in verse, +"Faustina Strozzi," the plot of which is derived from an incident in +modern Italian history. He returned to Norwegian subjects in "Thomas +Ross" and "Adam Schrader," published in 1878 and 1879, which deal with +life and manners in Christiania; but even here he was not quite at home +and these two novels are not of his best work. "Rutland" and "Go +Ahead!"--"Gaa paa!"--are much better, and these two stories of Norwegian +life as exhibited in the merchant navy added greatly to Lie's popularity +at home. + +"The Slave for Life"--"Livsslaven"--1883, is in a different vein. The +plot is strong and the writer shows himself a keen and careful observer +of human nature. Without imputing to him any attempt at imitating +Ibsen, "The Slave for Life" certainly exhibits that pessimistic view of +existence which is at once attractive to many and repulsive to not a few +of Ibsen's readers. "The Family of Gilge,"--"Familjen paa Gilge"--is of +a somewhat similar character. Ethical objections to these stories are, +perhaps, superfluous; it must be admitted that both are popular and have +added very considerably to Lie's fame. They were followed by "A +Whirlpool"--"En Malström"--1886; "A Wedded Life"--"En Samliv"--1887; +"The Story of a Dressmaker"--"Maisa Jons"--1888; and by "The Commodore's +Daughters"--"Kommandörens Döttre"--1889, which has enjoyed the good +fortune of being translated into English with an introduction by Mr. +Edmund Gosse, a most competent Scandinavian scholar. Since 1889 Lie has +published "Evil Forces"--"Onde Magter," a volume of poetry, and two +collections of shorter stories, "Otte Fortoellinger" and "Trold." He has +recently completed another novel, which will shortly appear, and is, it +is believed, to be entitled "Niobe." Jonas Lie completed his sixtieth +year on the 6th of November last, and this interesting occasion has been +celebrated by a festival given in his honour by the students of his old +University at Christiania. A special number of _Samtiden_, a Norwegian +magazine, has also been devoted to a series of articles on his life and +literary work. + +The present volume, as has already been said, is a translation of Lie's +first story. His literary style is at times very colloquial, and his +sentences are often of great length, running on for ten, fifteen, or +even twenty lines without a full stop. The difficulty of rendering such +a mass of words into English prose without sacrificing the meaning, and +of maintaining the easy familiarity of the conversation has been fairly +overcome by the translator. The story is simple as compared with some of +Lie's later productions, but it will always be interesting, not only in +itself but as the earliest production of Norway's most popular novelist. +Ibsen and Björnson may be better known in England, in America, and on +the Continent of Europe, but Jonas Lie is dearer to the Norwegian heart. +He has laid the scene of "The Visionary" in Nordland, the home of his +childhood, the last district of Norway to receive the faith of +Christendom, and even now the abode of superstitions which have survived +centuries of Christian teaching. Except along the coast, and there towns +and villages are few and far between, Nordland is very sparsely occupied +by men of Norwegian birth. Fins and Laplanders wander over the interior +during the brief summer, and have, to some extent, intermarried with the +Norwegians on the coast, who are chiefly fishermen and sailors. The +seafaring life of the people and the slight intermixture of Fin and Lap +blood have not tended to lessen their superstitions, and, doubtless, +young Lie heard many a strange tale of sea-goblins and land-spirits as +he wandered in his boyhood along the quay and in the streets of Tromsö. +Many of the impressions he then received have contributed to the tragic +interest of "The Visionary." For "The Visionary" is a tragedy in which +resistless Fate hurries its victims to destruction. The hero, David +Holst, is one of those unhappy beings who seem doomed to a more than +ordinary share of the ills of life. He has inherited from his mother at +least a tendency to insanity, and he lives in fear of being involved in +a terrible catastrophe, from which he only saves himself by strong +efforts of will and by the recollection of the lost love of his youth. +The awful calamity which overtook him at the very moment his betrothal +to Susanna was sanctioned by her father proved, in fact, his salvation, +and delivered him from madness, but its effects were never eradicated. +Like Hamlet he found the times out of joint; but, instead of contending +with them, he patiently submitted to Fate and won for himself, if not +absolute peace, at least a certain amount of tranquillity. Throughout +his life he was subject to visions. In his earliest days the appearance +of a lady carrying a white rose marked the near approach of calamity. In +later life a vision of his beloved Susanna was sometimes vouchsafed to +him, and as he lay on his death-bed she came, after a long interval, as +if beckoning him to join her. + +The other characters of the story are naturally drawn. David's stern, +yet not unkind father; the minister and his wife; the old clerk, and +Susanna herself, will soon make themselves known to the reader. The +refusal of Susanna to give up David when she learns that his doctor +fears he may become insane, and her victory over her father's objections +to her engagement, are proofs of Lie's insight into the depth and +steadfastness of the love of a good woman. The story of her death, of +the bringing home her body in the boat, and of the scene in the +death-chamber, are full of pathos, and are told with the simplicity of a +great artist. + +"The Visionary" is written in the spirit of a true Nordlander, who is +ever contrasting life and nature in the south of Norway with life "up +there" at home, and with the more varied aspects of nature in Nordland. +The vivid description of the great storm are evidently impressions and +recollections of actual experience. Before he became an author Lie had +often mused + + "On Man, on Nature, and on Human Life," + +and the first results of these musings were given to the world in "The +Visionary." + +J.A.J.H. + + + * * * * * + + +CONTENTS + +PART + +I.--INTRODUCTION + +II. NORDLAND AND NORDLANDERS + +III. CHAP. + I.--HOME + II.--ON THE SHORE + III.--THE SERVANTS' HALL + IV.--AMONG THE VÆTTE ROCKS + V.--CONFIRMATION + VI.--AT THE CLERK'S + VII.--TRONDENÆS + VIII.--AT HOME + IX.--THE CHRISTMAS VISIT + X.--THE STORM + XI.--CONCLUSION + + + + + * * * * * + + + PART I + + INTRODUCTION + + + * * * * * + + + +INTRODUCTION + + +I know many people who have felt the same inclination that sometimes +comes over me, to choose bad weather to go out in. They are generally +men who have passed from a childhood lived in the open air of the +country, to an occupation which entails much sitting still, and for whom +the room sometimes seems to become too narrow and confined--or else they +are poets. Their recollection and imagination live, more or less unknown +to themselves, in a continual longing to get away from the confined air +of a room, and the barrack-life of a town. + +So one day when the country comes into the town in the shape of a +downright storm of wind and rain, which shakes the tiles on the roofs, +and now and then flings one after you, while the streets become rivers, +and every corner an ambush from which the whirlwind makes a sudden +attack upon your umbrella, and, after a more or less prolonged and +adroit struggle, tears it, and turns it inside out, until at last you +stand with only the stick and the ribs left in your hand--at such a +time, it now and then happens that a quiet, dignified civil servant, or +business man, instead of sitting at home, as usual, in the afternoon in +his comfortable room after the day's toil in the office, says to his +wife that he "is sorry he must go out into the town for a little while." +And what he unfortunately must go out for is, of course, "business." For +little would it become a sedate, grave man, perhaps an alderman, and one +of the fathers of the town, to acknowledge, even to himself, that he is +childish enough to go and wander about in bad weather, that he only +wants to walk down to the quay to see the spray dash over the bitts, and +to watch the ships in the harbour playing at shipwreck. He must, of +course, have something to do there; if nothing else, at any rate to see +"ne quid detrimenti capiat respublica"; that is to say, that the town, +whose welfare, in one way or another, it is his business to look after, +is not blown down. + +The fact is, there is a revolution in the streets--not a political +revolution, Heaven preserve him from that--but one which has an +attraction for him, because it awakens all his old recollections, and in +which, much to his disgrace, he contrives surreptitiously to join, +although, in its own way, it too defies all police arrangements, breaks +windows, puts out street-lamps, tears the tiles from the house-roofs, +damages piers and moorings, and chases police and watchmen into their +holes. It is Nature's loud war-cry, in the very midst of the civilised +town, to all the recollections of his childhood, to his imagination and +his love of Nature; and he obeys it like an old trumpeter's horse that +hears the signal of his youth, and instantly leaps the fence. + +After an hour or two out in the storm, the fire in his veins is subdued, +and home he comes once more a quiet, grave man, carefully puts his stick +and goloshes in their accustomed places in the hall, and is pitied by +his wife, who has been anxious about him, and is now helping him off +with his wet things. Strange to say, he himself, in spite of adverse +circumstances, is in capital spirits that evening, and has such a number +of things to tell about this storm--every thing of course, as becomes +the occasion, in the form of anxiety lest damage should be done, or fire +break out in the town. + +It was in such weather that I--a practising doctor, and having, as such, +good reason, both on my own account and on that of others, for being out +at all times of the day or night--one rainy, misty, stormy October +afternoon, roamed the streets of Kristiania, finding pleasure in letting +the rain dash in my face, while my mackintosh protected the rest of my +person. + +Darkness had gradually fallen, and the lighted gas-lamps flared in the +gusty wind, making me think of the revolving lights on a foggy night +out on the coast. Now and again an unfastened door swung open and shut +again, with a bang like a minute gun. My inward comment on these +occasions was that, even in our nervous times, there must still be an +astonishing number of people without nerves; for such bangs thunder +through the whole house right up to the garret, as a gust fills the +passage, and doors fly open and shut, shut and open; everybody feels the +discomfort, but no one will take the trouble to go down and fasten the +origin of the evil; the porter is out in the town, and as long as he is +away the inmates must put up with an absence of all domestic comfort. + +It was just such an unfastened, unweariedly banging door that led to +what I have to relate. + +As I passed it, I heard a voice, which seemed familiar to me, an old +beloved voice--though at first I could not recall where I had heard +it--calling impatiently to the porter. It was on the subject of the +banging door. The man was evidently the only nervous individual in that +house; at any rate, the porter was not, for he appeared to be quite +wanting in feeling both for his door and for the man who had interested +himself in it, and was now fumbling in vain with a latch-key, which did +not appear to fit. + +At last the porter came out of his subterranean hole, and it was during +a little altercation between the now placable and gentle voice, sorry +for its previous irritability, and the growling porter, that with all +the power of an awakened recollection I recognised my old friend of +student-days, David Holst, with whom I had lived three of the richest +years of my youth. + +"If that is you, David, you must let me in before you lock the door!" I +cried, just as I should have done in the good old days, twenty years +before. + +The door opened wide, and a warm shake of the hand from the dark +advancing form, told me that he had not needed to search so long through +the chambers of his memory as I, but had recognised me at once. + +"Follow me!" were his only words, and then we mounted silently, he in +front and I behind, up the dark stairs, one, two, three floors and one +considerably narrower flight above. There he took my hand to guide me--a +very necessary proceeding, for, as far as I could make out, the way led +across a dark loft, hung with clothes-lines. He told me, too, to bend my +head. + +As I mounted I drew my own conclusions. His hand--I remembered that in +old days he used to be rather proud of it--was damp, perhaps with mental +agitation, and he sometimes stopped as if to take breath. The narrow +garret-stairs whispered to me too, that my friend David, who in his +time had given promise of good abilities, could not have made great use +of them for his own worldly advancement. + +He opened a door and bade me go in first. + +Upon a table stood a lamp, whose shade concentrated the light round its +foot, in a circle of scarcely more than half a yard's radius, upon an +inkstand and papers which lay there, leaving the ends of the table in +apparent darkness. Behind the table was what looked like a black grave, +which, however, when the eye became accustomed to the abrupt transition +from light to shadow, revealed itself as a sofa, before which stood an +almost correspondingly long, painted, wooden table with square ends. + +When two old friends meet in such a way, there is often, under their +frank manner, a secret shyness to overcome; for there is a layer of the +different experiences of many years that has to be cleared away. + +After a short pause, my friend, as if with a sudden resolve, went +quickly up to the table and took the shade off the lamp, so that the +whole room became light. + +"You see," said he, "things are just the same with me as in the old +days, only that there are now two garret windows instead of one, a few +more shelves with books, and a rather better monthly salary, which I +get by combining a teachership in one of the lower-class schools here, +with an easy post on a daily paper. It is all I need, you see. I moved +here from Bergen this spring, and ought properly to have paid you a +call, but have not yet managed it; when I have seen you in the street, +you have always looked as if you were too much taken up with your +practice. But now that I have you in my den, we will have a chat about +old times, and what you are doing. Take off your coat, while I go down +and see about getting some toddy made." Whereupon he replaced the lamp +shade, and disappeared through the doorway. + +My friend's somewhat forced introductory speech did not seem natural to +me; it was as though, in his ready confidence, he were regulated rather +by my circumstances than by his own, and the whole thing gave me the +impression that at the outset he would parry all unnecessary questions. + +As yet I, at least, had not said a word; indeed, I had not seen more of +my friend than a brief glimpse of his face, as he turned towards the +lamp and replaced the shade. Still I recognised, in spite of the +difference in age, the same thin, delicate, pale face, which, in the old +days, would sometimes assume such a beautiful, melancholy expression--it +was with that he was always photographed in my memory--but the features +had now acquired a striking sharpness, and in the quick glance I caught +there was an expression, both suffering and searching, which made me +indescribably sad. I have seen sick people look at me in the same way, +when they were afraid they were to be operated upon; and I thought I now +understood at any rate this much, that what wanted operating on here was +my friend's confidence, and this would require all my dexterity. + +I was once the most confiding fellow under the sun; but since I became a +doctor and saw what people really are, I have become thoroughly +suspicious; for there is nothing in the whole world you may not have to +presuppose, even with the best of mortals, if you do not want to be +misled as to the cause of their disease. I suspect everybody and +everything, even, as the reader has seen above, those sedate men who go +out in stormy weather. An Indian does not steal more unperceived and +noiselessly through a primeval forest than I, when necessary, into my +patient's confidence; and my friend David had all at once become my +patient. He would scarcely succeed in deceiving _me_ any longer with his +talk about "old days" and a glass of punch in his "unchanged student's +den." + +My first strategem was now hastily to continue the inspection of the +room, which my friend had somewhat cursorily allowed me to begin. I +took the lamp and began to look about me. + +Under the sloping ceiling, against the wall opposite the sofa, was the +bed, with a little round table beside it. On some bookshelves, which +stood on the floor against the wall in the corner at the foot of the +bed, I recognised Henrik Wergeland's bust, even more defective about the +chin and nose than in my time, and now, in addition, blind in one eye; +he had fared almost as badly as the old pipe I used to smoke, which I +recognised again, in spite of its being cut and hacked in every +direction. For my friend had a habit of cutting marks in it while he sat +smoking, now and then throwing a word into the conversation to keep it +going, just as one throws fuel on a fire--it was the spirit of the +conversation, and that something should be said, rather than the thought +itself, he cared about. When sitting thus, his face often wore a +melancholy, peaceful expression, as if he were smiling at something +beautiful we others did not see. + +Between the bed and the shelves I discovered some bottles, ordinary +spirit bottles, and the suspicion flashed like lightning through my +mind--I have, as I said, become suspicion personified, not naturally, +but through disappointment--that my friend was perhaps given to drink. + +I put the lamp down upon the floor. In one bottle was ink, in the +second paraffin, and in the third, a smaller one, cod-liver oil, which +he probably took for his chest. + +I remembered his clammy hand, his stopping, and heavy breathing on the +stairs, and I felt thoroughly ashamed that I could have been such a +wretch as to think the dear friend, I might also say ideal, of my youth, +was no better than any scamp in vulgar life, who positively ought to be +suspected. + +I offered him, in silence, a penitent apology, while I read over the +titles on the backs of the books, recognising one and another. These +shelves seemed to be the bookshelves of his student days. I drew out a +thick volume, old "Saxo Grammaticus," which I remembered to have bought +at an auction, and presented to him; but now I found something quite +different to think about. + +It happened with me as with a man who draws out a brick and suddenly +finds a secret passage--I all at once felt myself at the entrance to my +friend's secret, though, as yet, only before a deep, dark room through +which my imagination might wander, but which I could not really see, +unless my friend himself held the light for me. + +What thus attracted my attention and rivetted my thought and +recollection to the spot, was no hole, but the head of a violin, with a +dusty neck, and a tangle of strings about the screws which was stuck up +at the back of the shelf. The fourth string hung loosely down; the +over-stretched, broken first had curled up, and under the two whole +strings the bridge lay flat, as I ascertained by taking several books +out of the row and feeling for it. I examined the violin, which I could +easily remove, as carefully as if I had found a friend ill and starving; +there was an unmended crack in the body. Enchained by old memories, I +could not help falling into a very sad frame of mind. + +I put the books on the shelves again, replaced the lamp on the table, +and sat myself on the sofa, where puffing away at the pipe (I found on +it among others my own initials, cut by myself) I gave myself up to +reflections, which I will here impart to the reader even at the risk of +his thinking my friend is rather a long time getting the punch. Through +these reflections he will stand before the reader, as he did before my +mind's eye in the light of youthful recollections, and as the reader +must know him, if he will understand him. + +Our acquaintance as students arose naturally from the fact that we were +both from Nordland. He was three or four years older than I, and his +being the trusted though anonymous theatrical reviewer on the H---- paper, +was enough of itself to give him, in my eyes, an official superiority, +before which I bowed. + +But what worked still more strongly upon my youthful imagination was +his manner. There was something unusually noble about his slender figure +and his delicate, oval-shaped, earnest face, with the high forehead and +the heavy masses of dark, curly hair on the temples. His strongly-marked +eyebrows and a decided Roman nose drew one's attention away from his +eyes, which were light blue, and more in keeping with his pale and +beardless face than with his more energetic features. But yet it was his +eyes that gave one the first impression of him. I learned later to read +his features differently, and to see that in them was reflected the +meeting of the currents of that twofold nature by which his life was +gradually crushed out. + +A sweet smile when he talked and a reserved manner gave him a +distinguished air, which at any rate impressed me greatly. He was the +only student I knew who did not wear a student's cap; he used to wear a +flat blue sailor's cap with a short peak, which suited him very well. +When he became eager, as might happen in a dispute--for he was a great +logician, though it was only his intellect that took part in a +discussion, and never, as far as I could see, his heart or his deeper +feelings--his voice would give way; it became overstrained and harsh, as +if from a weak chest. Such encounters always told upon him, and left him +in irritable restlessness for some time after. + +One of his peculiarities was that he sometimes went on walking tours of +several days out in the country, both in summer and winter. +Companionship he would never hear of. Had he wished for it, he would +have asked me I knew, and therefore I never thought of forcing myself +upon him. + +On these occasions he would set off without a knapsack; I noticed this +once when I happened to be roaming in the fields two or three miles [A +Norwegian mile is about seven English miles.] from a town, where I had +gone on a visit. When he came home again, he would be in capital +spirits, but before setting out he was always so silent and melancholy +that I had to sustain nearly the whole burden of the conversation. He +used to have periods of low spirits. + +One indication of these moods was his manner in playing on the violin I +had now found with broken strings, at the back of his bookshelf. As it +lay there, it recalled the incidents of twenty years ago. + +This violin he once held in high esteem; it had the place of honour on +his wall, with the bow beside it. It had been left him by a friend, an +old clerk, [Norw. "klokker," almost answering to the Scotch precentor, +but a klokker, in addition to leading the singing in church, has to read +the opening prayer and to assist the priest in putting on his +vestments.] at his home up in the north, who had taught him to play, +and had evidently been one of those musical geniuses who are never fully +appreciated in this world. + +David loved to give play to his fancy, not only upon this violin--he had +a good ear, and had learnt not a little--but also about it: where it +really came from, and how old it might be? He would exceedingly have +liked an indistinct mark inside to mean that it was "possibly a +Cremona"; it was one of his weak points, and this room for conjecture +was evidently, in his eyes, one of the excellences of the violin. + +David had a small collection of what he called classical music, long +compositions which he played from the notes. They were not much to my +fancy, and always struck me as being of a piece with what was strange in +his manner when he posed as a logician. When he played them it was more +like severe, mental, school exercise than anything his heart was in; and +he played as correctly as he argued or wrote. + +The times when classical music and critical conversations ruled in his +room, were certainly those in which he felt his mind most in balance. He +was less hearty in manner then, even towards me. + +But then would come times when the music-stand would remain in the +corner. He would sit for a long time looking straight before him, as if +lost in thought, and then give expression to his feeling, on his violin, +in all kinds of fantasies, which pleased my uncultivated ear far more +than his so-called classical music. + +He sometimes played a variety of small pieces, and then gradually sank +into his own peculiar minor strain, and sometimes into a wonderfully sad +melody. I very seldom heard him play anything right through, and then +always in a kind of self-forgetfulness. At such times, I had a feeling +that he was confiding to me something beautiful that he had lost, and +over which he could never cease to mourn. + +At a later period of our friendship he became, as I have said, more +irregular in his habits, and was seldom to be found at home; he would +sometimes talk ironically about his comrades, the professors and things +in general, and his sarcasm was almost biting. + +I was privileged to take my friend's key, and go into his room, even +when he was not at home. If his violin hung uncared for, I knew that +something was wrong, and that his own condition answered to that of his +instrument. The first thing he did, when all was right again, was +carefully to put it in order. + +But never during those times had I seen his treasure so badly treated +and neglected as when twenty years later, I found it again, dusty and +cracked at the back of the bookshelf. The reader will now be able to +understand how sorrowful were the reflections it aroused, and how it led +me to suspect the story of a joyless life; and I trust he will forgive +me for having taken him so far from David Holst's room--where I sat and +waited for my friend to come with the punch--into the land of my +youthful recollections. For three years we had been together almost +daily. After that David had to go out as tutor, and our ways parted, as +they so often do in this life. + +And this evening we had met again. + +There was a jingling in the passage, and immediately after David Holst +carefully opened the door for a servant-girl, who brought in a steaming +jug of hot water and other requisites for punch, which were most welcome +to a man who had been out several hours in the wind and rain, as I had +that very afternoon. + +David found me installed on the sofa with his pipe in my mouth and his +slippers on my feet, just as he would have done in the old days, and +this I reckoned as one of my cunning artifices; for with these passes, +his pipe and slippers, I reinstated myself, without more ado, on the old +friendly footing. I felt like a general who is fortunate enough to open +the campaign by occupying a whole province. + +In default of his accustomed place on the sofa, David drew a chair up +to the table and sat down opposite to me, with the punch tray between +us. + +We were now once more on the banks of the same river of delight, in +which we had so often bathed and tumbled in our youth; but now we both +approached it more carefully. + +In the course of conversation, he often leaned over towards me, as if +listening, and in this way his head came within the region of the lamp's +bright light. I then noticed that his hair was much thinner, and +sprinkled rather plentifully with grey, and that the perspiration stood +in beads on his no longer unwrinkled brow. His pallid, sharp-featured +face, and a strange brilliancy in his eyes, told me that either his +physical or his mental being hid an underground fire, perhaps no longer +quenchable. Thinking from his repeated fits of coughing, that his +bending over towards me arose quite as much from the fact that he was +tired and was trying to rest against the edge of the table, as from his +interest in the conversation, I determined to enter at once upon the +question of the state of his health, and thus put myself in possession +of yet another important outwork of his confidence. + +I rose suddenly, determined and serious, and said that, as an +experienced doctor, I unfortunately saw that he was ill in no such +slight degree as he perhaps thought, and that, as he was evidently weak +and languid--as the drops of perspiration on his forehead showed--he +must, at any rate, at once seat himself on the comfortable sofa I had +hitherto occupied. + +He acknowledged that going twice downstairs had been rather too much for +him--the first time he had only gone down to put an end to the +uncomfortable draught through the house--and willingly took his place on +the sofa at my desire. + +It was his chest, he said. By the help of the stethoscope, I found that +this was only too true. His chest, indeed, was in such a condition that +it was only a question of gaining time, not of saving life; for one lung +was entirely gone, and the other seriously affected. + +During the remainder of the evening, both he and I felt ourselves +re-established on the old footing, my authority as doctor now giving me +a slight superiority. + +At nine o'clock, I declared that he must go to bed, and I told him that +the next morning I intended to come again, and prescribe what was +needful. I heard he was not to be at school before eleven: until that +hour he promised me not to go out. + +When I came home, I found my wife in great anxiety about me. She could +not conceive how a sensible man, and a doctor into the bargain, who gave +others such good advice, could be out more than was necessary in such +dreadful weather; and I had been out in it the whole time since dinner. + +There was nothing to be said to this, and I only considered, while she +talked, how I could best win her over to the cause which I now had at +heart. My wife had not the slightest acquaintance with my dying friend, +and, if I knew her aright, might even feel hurt when I told her that he +had, in a way, possessed my affection before I knew her. + +Things turned out as I foresaw; for it was only after a rather doubtful +pause that she came up to me, and said that my best friend should of +course be dear to her. + +And from that moment no one could have been more helpful than she. +Whatever she undertakes, she always does thoroughly, and she settled +that very evening how the matter should be arranged. + +At ten the next morning I was up in my friend's room with my wife, and I +introduced her to him, saying that she wished to be regarded as an old +friend like myself. I told him, as consolingly as I could--but when I +said it, my wife looked away--that his illness absolutely required that +he should put himself under treatment for six months, until the warm +weather came and completed his cure, and that I hoped he would consent +to let me arrange matters at the school for him. + +He was evidently both surprised and touched. Life had not offered him +friendship, he said; he was so little used to accept it, even when it +came to him as true and good as this was. After a little parleying, he +surrendered at discretion to my wife, who never liked being defeated. + +He would not, however, move to our house, as I suggested, for he had a +fondness for this room, and, as he frankly said, he would not feel happy +if obligations of a pecuniary nature were introduced into the matter. + +From this time I visited him as a rule every morning, and generally had +a little chat about different things in the town which I thought might +interest, or at any rate divert him. + +My wife treated him in her own way. Contrary to what I had been a little +afraid of, she carried out no radical revolution in his housekeeping +arrangements. That the servant-girl had her reasons for coming up to him +so often, and that every day she waited in fear and trembling my wife's +quiet inspection whether the room were properly dusted and in order, he +could have no suspicion. + +The only thing that my wife openly effected, was the sending of all +kinds of strengthening food. One of the children often went with the +maid who took these, and it sometimes amused and entertained him, to +keep the child with him for a while. + +This new and unaccustomed state of affairs seemed at first to divert +him; but in the course of a month he began to be depressed again. Our +visits evidently troubled him, and, for this reason, were discontinued +for a time. He spent almost the whole day on the sofa at the dark end of +the room. + +One evening the girl said she had heard a sound as of crying and sobbing +in his room, so she did not go in, but remained standing outside. A +little while after it seemed to her as if he were praying earnestly, but +she did not understand the words. The next evening she heard him playing +a soft melody, as if on a violin which did not give a clear sound. + +The following morning when I came to him his mood was entirely changed, +and to my surprise I saw that his violin, dusted and with strings in +order, but still cracked, hung on the wall with the bow beside it. On +the table, by the bed, I noticed too an old Bible that I had never +before seen, probably because this treasure had always been kept in his +drawer as a sacred thing. + +He looked more languid and worn out than usual; but his face wore a +beatified expression, as of a man who had wrestled with his fate, and +had won rest and resignation. + +If possible, he said, he would like to speak to my wife that same +morning; but he would rather talk with me at once, and so I must sit +down for a little while. + +With a smile--that same quiet, sweet, mysterious smile of his that I +knew so well, but which now seemed no longer to shun observation--he +turned to me saying, as he laid his hand on my shoulder and looked into +my face: + +"My dear, kind Frederick! I know for certain, though I cannot tell you +why, that I shall not live to see the spring again. What is wanting +neither you nor any one else can give me, only God; but of all men you +have been the kindest to me, and your friendship has reached farther +than you would ever imagine. You have a right to know him who has been +your friend. When I am gone--and that will undoubtedly be this winter, +perhaps sooner than you, judging from my condition, think--you will find +some memoranda in my drawer; they are the history of my early youth, but +uneventful as that was, it has had its effect upon my whole life. It +will tell you that the world has been sad, very sad for me, and that I +am as glad as an escaped bird to leave it." + +"There was a time," he added after some hesitation, "when I wished to be +buried in a churchyard up in Nordland; but now I think that the place +does not make any difference, and that one can rest just as peacefully +down here." + +Saying which, he pressed my hand, and asked me to go for my wife. + +When she came, she was surprised to see him brighter and in better +spirits than she had ever thought he could be. He wanted, he said, to +ask a favour of her. It was a whim of his; but, if he should be called +away, she must promise him to plant a wild rose upon his grave next +spring. + +My wife understood how sad the request was when I told her what had +already passed; for David had looked so confident and bright when he was +talking to her, that the sorrowful element was absent. + +My friend's prophecy about himself proved to be only too true. Though +his mood grew constantly brighter, so that he sometimes even had a gleam +of the joy of living, his illness went in the opposite direction, always +toward the worst. + +One day I found him lying and watching from his bed--where he now spent +nearly the whole day--my little Anton, who had "made a steamboat" out of +his old violin-case--of which the lid was gone--and was travelling with +it on the floor, touching at foreign ports. When I came up to the bed, +David told me, smiling, that he had been at home in Nordland playing on +the beach again. + +My wife had, meantime, become more and more his sick-nurse. She was with +him two or three times a day, and sat at his bedside. He often held her +hand, or asked her to read him something out of his old Bible. The +portions he chose were generally those in which the Old Testament +speaks of love and lovers. He dwelt especially on the story of Jacob and +Rachel. + +My wife, who had now become very fond of him, confided to me one day +that she was sure she knew what my friend was suffering from; it was +certainly nothing but unrequited love. + +She had never thought any one could look so touchingly beautiful as he +did, when death was near. When he lay still and smiled, it was as though +he were thinking of a tryst he should go to, as soon as he had done with +us here on earth. + +One evening he asked my wife to sit with him. At nine o'clock a message +came for me; but when I got there, he was gone. + +He had asked my wife to read to him, for the first time, a part of +Solomon's Song, where she found an old mark in his Bible. It was the +second chapter, in which both the bride and the bridegroom speak, and +which begins: "I am the rose of Sharon, and the lily of the valley"; and +ends: "Until the day break, and the shadows flee away, turn, my beloved, +and be thou like a roe or a young hart upon the mountains of Bether." + +He had asked her to read it a second time, but during the reading he had +quietly fallen asleep. + +And there he lay, beautiful in death, with a peaceful smile, as though +he were greeting just such a grove, on the other side of the mountains +of Bether. + +Next summer there stood a wooden cross, and a blooming, wild briar-rose, +on a grave in one of the churchyards of the town. There rests my friend +David Holst. + + * * * * * + +As a beginning of the story of my friend's life, I found, laid aside, a +section, part of which seems to have been added at a riper age. It shows +with what strong ties nature had bound him to his home, and with what +affection he clung to it. + + + * * * * * + + + PART II + + NORDLAND AND NORDLANDERS + + + * * * * * + + + +NORDLAND AND NORDLANDERS + + +In so far as a man like myself, who lives in such a sad reality, dare +talk of illusions--how great, and what a number of illusions I have had +shattered, during the two or three years since I left my home in +Nordland, and became a student; how grey and colourless is the world +down here, how small and mean, compared with what I had imagined it as +regards both men and conditions of life! + +This afternoon, I was out fishing in the fjord with some friends; of +course they all enjoyed themselves--and I pretended that I did. No, I +did not enjoy myself! We sat in a flat-bottomed, broad, ugly boat, that +they called a "pram," a contrivance resembling a washtub, and fished the +whole afternoon in muddy water a few feet deep, with a fine line, +catching altogether seven whiting--and then rowed quite satisfied to +land! I felt nearly sick; for the whole of life down here seems to me +like this pram, without a keel, by which to shape a course, without a +sail, which one cannot even fancy could be properly set in such a boat, +without rough weather, which it could not stand, and like this muddy, +grey, waveless sea outside the town, with only a few small whiting in +it. Life here has nothing else to offer than such small whiting. + +While the others talked, I sat and thought of a fishing expedition when +_she_ was with me, out among the Vætte Rocks at home, in our little +six-oared boat--what a different kind of day, what a different kind of +boat, what a different experience! Yes, how unromantic, poor and grey, +life is down here among the rich, loamy, corn-producing hills, or on the +fjord of the capital, sooty with steamboat smoke, or even in the town +itself, compared with that at home! But if I uttered this aloud, how +these superior people would open their eyes! + +They talk here of fishing, and are pleased with a few poor cod and +whiting. A Nordlander understands by fishing a haul of a thousand fish; +he thinks of the millions of Lofoten and Finmark, and of an overwhelming +variety of species, of whales, spouting through the sounds, and driving +great shoals of fish before them, as well as of the very smallest +creatures of the deep. The only fish that I know down here worth +noticing--and I always look at them whenever I come across them--are the +gold and silver fish, that you keep in a glass-bowl, just as you keep a +canary in a cage: but then they are from another fairyland in the +south. + +When a Nordlander speaks of birds he does not mean as they do here, only +a head or two of game, but an aërial throng of winged creatures, +rippling through the sky, flying round the rocks, like white foam, or +descending like a snowstorm on their nesting-places; he thinks of +eider-duck, guillemot, diver and oyster-catcher swimming in fjord and +sound, or sitting upon the rocks; of gulls, ospreys and eagles, hunting +in the air; of the eagle-owl, hooting weirdly at night in the +mountain-clefts--in short, he means a whole world of birds, and has a +little difficulty in confining his ideas to the poor capercailzie, +surprised and killed by a sportsman in the midst of a love-frolic, when +the sun is rising over the pine-clad hills. + +Instead of the fruit-gardens here, he has the miles of cloudberry moors +at home. Instead of a poor, uniform shore with nothing but mussels, he +remembers a grand beach strewn with myriads of marvellously tinted +shells. + +All natural conditions are intensified in Nordland, and are far more +powerfully contrasted than in the south of Norway. Nordland is a +boundless stone-grey waste, as it was in primæval times before man began +to build, but in the midst of this there are also countless natural +treasures; it has a sun and a summer glory, whose day is not twelve +hours only, but an uninterrupted period of three months, during which, +in many places, one must wear a mask as protection against the swarms of +mosquitoes; but, on the other hand, the night is a time of darkness and +horror, lasting nine months. Everything there is on a gigantic scale +without the gradual transitions between extremes, upon which the quiet +life here in the south is built; in other words, there are more +occasions for fancy, adventure and chance, than for calm reasoning, and +quiet activity with certain results. + +A Nordlander, therefore, down here, is at first apt to feel like +Gulliver, who has come to Lilliput, and, on the whole, does not get on +well among the inhabitants, until he has screwed down his old customary +ideas to the simple proportions of their insignificant life; in short, +until he has taught himself to use his intellect, instead of his fancy. + +The Lap on snow-shoes with his reindeer, the Fin, the Russian, not to +mention the constantly moving Nordlander himself, who, though slow on +land, is quick in his boat--are all undeniably far more interesting +people than the dull southern rustic, whose imagination reaches scarcely +farther than his own field, or to wondering whereabouts in the pasture +he must go to fetch his horse. + +When Southerners talk about storms and waves, they mean a little bit of +a storm and rough sea in the Kristiania Fjord, which can even do a +little damage in the harbour; and they consider it deeply affecting when +a clumsy boatman is drowned. A storm suggests something very different +to my mind: a sudden down-rushing wind from the mountains, which carries +away houses--for which reason they are secured with ropes at home; waves +from the Arctic Sea, which bury high rocks and islands in foam, and roll +ground-seas of innumerable fathoms' depth, so that vessels are suddenly +dashed to pieces in the middle of the ocean; crowds of brave men sailing +for their very lives before the wind, and not for their lives only, but +also to save the dearly-won cargo for the sake of those at home, and, +even in deadly peril, trying to lend a hand to a capsized comrade; I +think of the shipwreck of countless boats and vessels on a winter +evening, in the hollows of the foaming waves. It would, for once, be +worth while to see such waves (usually three in succession, and the last +the worst) advancing with their crests higher than the custom-house +roof, and bearing on their shoulders a yacht, which has to be run +ashore, rushing into Kristiania's peaceful little harbour, carrying +ships up with them into the town, and followed by correspondingly fierce +bursts of wind, lifting off the very roofs. If they came, I know well it +would be _me_ they wanted, _me_ the poor visionary, hidden away in the +civilisation of the town, who, they consider, belongs to them; and I +think a moment after the terror I should greet them as friends from +home, although they came bearing death and destruction on their wings. +They would, for once, show to all this civilised littleness the terrible +grandeur and greatness of the mighty ocean, and flavour the insipidity +of the town with a little sea-salt terror. I should like to see a whale +squeezed in between Prince's Street and Custom-house Street, glaring at +a family on the upper floor, or the fine, gold-laced policemen trying to +bring into court a stranded sea-goblin. I should like, too, to see the +town's theatrical reviewers, who are accustomed to see "Haupt und +Statsaction" in vaudevilles twice a week, stand with their eye-glasses +to their eyes, before such a play, which, without more ado, would swamp +all their critical ideas and inkstands, and show them death and horror +in real downright earnest. + +How such a reviewer would grow in ability to understand what is imposing +and powerful in a poetical composition, and in the desires it awakens, +if he only once in his life had seen the "Horseman," [A remarkable +mountain in Nordland.] on a stormy day, with its height of 1700 feet, +riding southwards out in the surf, while his cloak fluttered from his +shoulder towards the north, and, besides the giant himself in his +might, had seen, in prefect illusion, the horse's head, his ear, his +neck, his snaffle and his majestic chest. + +It is up in the north that northern popular imagination, from the time +of the myths, has laid the home of a whole army of wickedness; there the +Fin folk have practised their magic arts, and woven their spells; and +there by the dark, wintry-grey breakers of the Arctic Sea, live yet the +ancient gods of evil, driven out to earth's farthest limits, those +demoniacal, terrible, half-formless powers of darkness, with whom the +Aases fought, but St. Olaf, with his victorious, dazzling, cross-hilt +sword, "turned to stock and stone." + +That which can so easily be put aside as superstition, when one is +sitting safely in the middle of civilisation--and yet still lives as a +natural power in the people--is represented, on the whole, in pigmy +proportions in the south. Here they have a little terror of small +hobgoblins, good-natured fairies, a love-sick river-sprite, and so +forth, beings who with us in the north, almost go about our houses like +superstition's tame domestic animals. You have there, too, good-natured +elves, who carry on their peaceful boating and coasting trade invisibly +among the people. But then, in addition, natural terror creates a whole +host of wicked demons, who draw people with an irresistible power, the +ghosts of drowned men, who have not had Christian burial, mountain +ogres, the sea-sprite, who rows in a half boat, and shrieks horribly on +the fjords on winter nights. Many who really were in danger have let +their chance of safety go for fear of him, and the visionaries can +actually see him. + +But if Nature's great power, brooding with crushing weight over life on +this wintry, surf-beat, iron-bound coast, which lies in twilight for +nine months, and for three of these altogether loses the sun, creates a +terror of darkness in the mind, yet the north also possesses in the same +extreme the exactly opposite character, a warm, sunny, summer nature, +clear-aired, heavily scented, rich with the changing beauty of countless +colours; in which objects at ten or twelve miles' distance across the +sea-mirror, seem to approach within speaking-distance; in which the +mountains clothe themselves with brownish green grass to the very +top--in Lofoten to a height of 2000 feet--in which the small birch woods +wreathe themselves up on the slopes and ravines, like white, +sixteen-year-old maidens at play; in which too the air is laden, as in +no other place, with the scent of the growing strawberries and +raspberries there, and when the day is so hot, that you are compelled to +walk in shirt-sleeves, and you are longing to bathe in the rippling sea, +always saturated with sunshine, and perfectly clear to the very bottom. + +The powerful aroma and bright colour of things growing there, have been +attributed by the learned to the strong light that fills the atmosphere, +when the sun is above the horizon uninterruptedly the whole twenty-four +hours. And in no other place can such deliciously flavoured strawberries +or raspberries, nor such fragrant birch-boughs, be gathered as in +Nordland. + +If there is a home for a wonderfully beautiful idyl, it must be in the +fjord-valleys of Nordland in the summer-time. It is as though the sun +kisses Nature all the more lovingly, because he knows how short a time +they have to be together, and as if they both, for the time, try to +forget that they must part so soon. Then the hill grows green as if by a +sudden miracle, and the bluebell, the dandelion, the buttercup, the +dog-daisy, the wild rose, the raspberry and the strawberry spring up in +lavish abundance, by every brook, on every hillock, on every +mountain-slope; then hundreds of insects hum in the grass as in a +tropical land; then cows, horses, and sheep are driven up the hills and +the mountain-sides, while the Fin from the highlands comes down into the +valley with his reindeer and waters them in the river; then the +cloudberry moors lie reddening for many a mile inland; then there is +quiet, sunny peace in every cottage, where the fisherman is now sitting +at home with his family, putting his tackle in order for the winter +fishing; for in Nordland the summer is more beautiful than in any other +place, and there is an idyllic gladness and peace over Nature, which is +to be found nowhere else. + +The Nordlander, too, has a touch of Nature's caressing softness in his +character; when he can manage it, he is fond of living and dressing +well, and lodging comfortably; with regard to delicacies, he is a +thorough epicure. Cod's tongue, young ptarmigan, reindeer-marrow, salted +haddock, trout, salmon and all kinds of the best salt-water fish, +appropriately served with liver and roe, nourishing reindeer-meat and a +variety of game are, like the fresh-flavoured cloudberries, only +every-day dishes to him. And the Fin as well as the Nordland plebeian is +also childishly fond of all sweet things, and his "syrup and porridge" +are widely known. + +Brought up in the midst of a nature so rich in contrasts and +possibilities, and amidst scenes of the utmost variety, from the wildest +grandeur to the tenderest beauty, charm and fascination, the Nordlander +is, as a rule, clever and bright, often indeed brilliant and +imaginative. Impressionable as he is, he yields easily to the impulse of +the moment. If there is sunshine in your face, there is sure to be +sunshine in his. But you must not be mistaken in him, and take his +good-nature for perfect simplicity--as is often done here in the south. +Deep in his soul there lurks a silent suspicion, unknown even to +himself, he is always like a watchful sea-fowl that dives at the flash +of the gun, and before the bullet has had time to strike the spot where +it just now lay on the water. He has been used from childhood to think +of the unexpected, the possibility of all possible things in Nature, as +a sword hanging over every peaceful, quiet hour, and he generally +carries this instinct with him in his intercourse with his +fellow-creatures. While you are talking to him, he may dive into his +mind like the sea-fowl, but you do not suspect it, and are not therefore +disconcerted. This introspection may occur while he has tears in his +eyes, and in moments when he is most deeply affected--it is his nature, +and he will always retain a dash of it, even when he has moved, with all +his belongings, from natural into civilised surroundings. He eludes you, +steals, with his imagination and his watchful suspicion, in, among, and +around your thoughts; indeed, if he is a really talented Nordlander--I +am too dull and disinterested to be able to do it--I believe that, +without your suspecting it, he can go, with his hands in his pockets, +right through your mind, in at your forehead, and out at the back of +your head. He would be invaluable as a detective or a diplomatist, if +only he had more strength of character, and succumbed with less childish +weakness to the influence of the moment; but these are unfortunately +his weak points. I am speaking now of the strong trait in the national +character as it shows itself in the more conspicuous natures, and would +not be misunderstood to mean that men of character are not to be found +in Nordland too--many a time, perhaps oftener than elsewhere, they are +hardened into something grand. + +In a native Nordland family there will generally be found--such, at +least, is my belief--some drops of Fin blood. It has been remarked +elsewhere that in the Sagas, when the greatest peasant races in +Halgoland were spoken of as descended from half-trolls, or +mountain-ogres, this only meant Finnish descent. Our royal families were +of Finnish extraction, and Fin was a good-sounding name borne by the +greatest men in the land--for instance, Fin Arnesen. [One of Olaf the +Holy's most trusted men.] Harald Haarfager and Erik Blodöxe both married +Fin maidens. The mystic sense-affecting influence which has been +ascribed to them, was only the erotic expression of the great national +connection between the two differently derived elements; the +fair-haired, blue-eyed, larger-minded and quieter Norwegian, and the +dark, brown-eyed Fin, quick of thought, rich in fancy, filled with the +mysticism of nature, but down-trodden and weak in character. The Fin, +to this very day, goes as it were on snow-shoes and sings minor strains, +while many a Norwegian, in his pride of race, little suspects that he +has any connection with that despised people. + +There is also, in my experience, a great difference in our national +character, which depends upon whether the crossing has taken place with +the weak Laplander, or with the well-grown, strong, bold Fin. It makes a +difference in temperament, as great as between minor and major in the +same piece of music. That touch of rich colour in our nation, of which +the poet Wergeland's endless wealth of imagery and flight beyond logic +are a representation, is certainly Finnish--at any rate, there is very +little of it in our old Sagas. And it can be understood from this, what +grandeur of nature the Fin has added to the Norwegian character. The Fin +admixture has been a great and essential factor in the composition of +the mental qualities of our people at the present day. + +I have often talked with people about this Finnish admixture, which, in +a near degree, is looked upon almost as a disgrace, and I have found a +surprisingly large number who were secretly of my opinion. Finnish +admixture makes energetic, logical, bold, enterprising men; it has, to a +great extent, given a backbone to the character of our Eastland and +Trondhjem people. In Nordland, on the contrary, the Lap element is +predominant, and has in a measure altered the character of the people. +The Fin-Norwegian is master of Nordland nature; the Lap-Norwegian is +subject to it, and suffers under its oppression. + +Nature's contrasts in Nordland are too great and extreme for the mind of +the race that lives there not to be exceedingly liable to receive +permanent injury from them. The extreme melancholy and sadness which is +found there in the poor man, and which so often results in mental +derangement and suicide, has most undoubtedly its connection with and +reason in these natural conditions; in the long winter darkness with its +oppressive, overwhelming scenes that crush down the mind in +light-forsaken loneliness; and in the strong and sudden impressions +that, in the dark season as well as in the light, affect all too +violently the delicate inner fibres of being. I have thought over these +things as perhaps no one else has done--thought, while I myself have +been suffering under them; and I understand--although again, when it is +a question of my own person, I do not understand it in the least--why +"second sight," _fremsynethed_ as it is called in Nordland, can there, +just as in the Shetland and Orkney Isles, make its appearance, and be +inherited in a family. I understand that it is a disease of the mind, +which no treatment, no intelligence or reflection can cure. A visionary +is born with an additional sense of sight. Beside his two sound eyes, he +has the power of looking into a world that others have only a suspicion +of, and when the occasion comes it is his doom to be obliged to use his +extraordinary power; it will not be stopped with books or by intelligent +reflection; it will not be suppressed even here in the "enlightened +capital": it can at the most only be darkened for a while with the +curtain of forgetfulness. + +Ah! when I think how, at home in Nordland, I pictured to myself the +king's palace in Kristiania, with pinnacles and towers standing out +grandly over the town, and the king's men like a golden stream from the +castle court right up to the throne-room; or Akershus fortress, when the +thundering cannon announce the king's arrival, and the air is filled +with martial music and mighty royal commands; when I think how I +pictured to myself "the high hall of light," the University, as a great +white chalk mountain, always with the sunshine on its windowpanes; or +how I imagined the Storthing [Norwegian parliament] Hall, and the men +who frequent it, whose names, magnified by fancy, echoed up to us, as +though for each one there rang through the air a mighty resounding bell, +names like Foss, Sörenssen, Jonas Anton Hjelm, Schweigaard, and many +others; when I compare what I, up in the north, imagined about all this, +with the "for our small conditions--most respectable reality," in which +I now live and move--it is like a card-castle of illusions, as high as +Snehætten, [Snehætten--a mountain in the Dovre range, 7400 feet high.] +falling over me. Until I was over twenty years of age, I lived only in a +northern fairyland, and I am now for the first time born into the world +of reality: I have been spell-bound in my own fancy. + +If I were to tell any one all this, he would certainly--and the more +sensible the man was the more surely--be of opinion that my good Examen +Artium [Artium--an examination to be passed before admittance to the +University is granted.] must clearly have come about by some mistake. +But if life depends on theoretical reasoning and knowledge, I have, +thank God, as good abilities as most men. And I know that in them I have +a pair of pliant oars, with which, as long as I require to do so, I +shall be able to row my boat through practical life without running +aground. The load which I have in the boat, at times so very heavy, but +then again so blissfully beautiful, no one shall see. + +I feel a longing to weep away the whole of this northern fairy tale of +mine, and would do it if I could only weep away my life with it. But +why wish to lose all the loveliness, all the illusion, when I must still +bear with me to my dying day the sadness it has laid upon me? + +It will be a relief to me in quiet hours to put down my recollections of +this home of mine, which so few down here understand. It is the tale of +a poor mentally-diseased man, and in it there are more of his own +impressions than of outward events. + + + * * * * * + + + PART III + + + * * * * * + + + +CHAPTER I + +_HOME_ + + +My father was a country merchant, and owned the trading-place, ----ven +in West Lofoten. He was really from Trondhjem, whence he had come north, +as a destitute boy, in one of those small vessels which are sent from +that city to Lofoten, to trade during the fishing season. In his youth +he had gone through a great deal, and had even worked for a time in a +boat's crew, as a simple fisherman, until he at last got a place as +shop-boy with Erlandsen the merchant, whose son-in-law he became. + +My father, in middle age, was a handsome man, black-haired and +dark-skinned, with sharp, energetic features, and in height rather short +than tall. He always wore a brown duffel, seaman's jacket, and glazed +hat. In manner he was stern, and not very accessible; it was said, too, +that he was rather a hard man--for which the severe school of life +through which he had passed was perhaps to blame. If this manner, on the +one hand, made him few friends, on the other, it gained for him a +greater confidence in business matters, in which he was prompt and +expeditious, always claiming to the utmost what he considered to be his +due. People feared him, and would not willingly be on bad terms with +him. + +We have generally only flashing recollections of what has happened +before our eighth year, but these flashes last for a whole lifetime. I +have in my mind just such a picture of my poor unhappy mother. I know +her better from that than from all I have heard about her since; from +what I have been told she must have had fair hair and soft blue eyes, +have been pale and delicate, and in figure rather tall. She was also +very quiet and melancholy. + +She was Erlandsen's only daughter, and was married to my father while he +was yet a subordinate in Erlandsen's service, and it was said that it +was the old man who brought about the union, thinking it the best way to +provide for her future. + +I remember a warm summer day, and the mowers in their shirt-sleeves, +mowing with long scythes, out in the meadow: I was with my mother, as +she passed by them, knitting. Outside the fence lay a half-bare rocky +hill, behind which my mother had a bench. Above this on a stony heap +grew raspberry-bushes, and beside them stood a few small birch-trees. +While I was scrambling about among the stones, picking raspberries, +father called my mother. + +When she had gone away, there came over to me from the other side of the +hill a tall, pale lady, who seemed older than mother, dressed in black, +with a stand-up, white, frilled collar; she looked at me very kindly, +and stretched out to me a wild rose spray she had in her hand. + +I did not feel at all afraid, and it did not seem as if she were a +stranger. Then she nodded sadly to me in farewell, and went back the +same way she had come. + +When mother returned I told her that such a kind, strange lady had been +there, but she must have been in great sorrow, and now she was gone. + +My mother--I remember it, as if it were yesterday--stood still for a +minute, as white as a sheet, looking at me with anguish in her eyes, as +if we were both going to die, then she threw her arms above her head, +and fell fainting to the ground. + +I was too frightened to cry, but I remember that, while she lay +stretched insensible on the grass by the bench, I threw myself upon her, +crying, "Mother! mother!" + +A little while after I had come running to father, who stood in his +shirt-sleeves over in the meadow, mowing with the others, and had said, +sobbing, that mother was dead. + +From that hour my mother was out of her mind. For many years she had to +be constantly watched in her own room, and my father must have had many +a sad hour. Afterwards she was taken to a lunatic asylum in Trondhjem, +where two years later she died, without having come to her right mind +for one moment. + +The person who had the charge of me during this time was old Anne Kvæn, +a pock-marked, masculine-looking woman, with little brown eyes, rough, +iron-grey hair, strongly marked, almost witch-like features, and as a +rule a short, black clay pipe in her mouth. She had been my mother's +nurse, and was attached to her with her whole soul. When my mother went +out of her mind, she begged earnestly to become her guardian in the blue +room; but this had to be given up, as it was evident that it was just +her presence that most excited the patient's mind. My mother could not +bear to see father either, and me they never dared show her at all. + +Old Anne Kvæn had been my mother's only confidante. She was extremely +superstitious and strange. In her imagination, hobgoblins and gnomes +occupied the store-house and boat-house, as surely as my father resided +in the main building; and under the mountain to the east of the harbour, +the underground people carried on, invisibly, their fishing and trading +with Bergen, just as my father did his, visibly, in the world. Old Anne +had certainly filled my poor mother's head with her mystic +superstition, to no less an extent than she did mine. There were all +kinds of marks and signs to be made from morning till night, and she +always wore an uneasy look, as though she were keeping watch. When a +boat came in, you ought to turn towards the sea, and spit, and mutter a +few words against sea-sprites. She could see every man's double. [The +spirit which every one is supposed to have as a follower and companion +through life.] On its account the door must be shut to quickly after any +one had gone out; and she could always hear a warning beforehand when +father was coming home from a journey. + +When Anne Kvæn had no longer leave to go into the blue room to my +mother, she silently went through all kinds of performances outside the +door. I remember once standing on the stairs, and seeing her bowing and +curtseying, wetting her finger every now and then, drawing on the door +with it, and muttering, until I fled in terror. + +In her incantation formulæ, the word "Jumala" often occurred, the name +of the Bjarmers' old god, whose memory, in the far north, is not so +completely eradicated as one would think, and who to this day has +perhaps some sacrificial stone or other on the wide mountain wastes of +Finland. Against Lap witchcraft--and a suspicion of it was fastened on +almost every Lap boat that landed at the quay--she also had her charms; +she apparently melted down Fin and Christian gods together in her +mystical incantations, for the confounding of Lap witchcraft. + +In the midst of such mental impressions as these, I grew up. + +The parsonage, with the white-towered church beside it, lay only a short +way from us, down by the sea, on the right-hand side of the bay, looking +out from our trading-place, which lay farther in. + +There was a tutor in the place--we always called him "the student"--and +I went to lessons every day with the minister's two children, a bright +boy of the name of Carl, who was a year younger than I, namely twelve, +and his sister Susanna, of exactly the same age as myself, a blue-eyed +wild child, with a quantity of yellow hair, which was always requiring +to be pushed back from her forehead; when she could do so unnoticed by +the student, she made all kinds of faces and grimaces across at us, to +make us laugh. + +The tutor was, in fact, exceedingly strict, and inspired the greatest +respect. The torture in which we sat when at school, not daring to look +up at one another for fear our laughter should break out, was really +anything but pleasant; for every time it exploded we fared very badly; +in the first place, we had our hair pulled and our ears boxed, and in +the next, long written harangues in our mark-books about our behaviour. + +Susanna was often utterly merciless; it came to such a pass, that with +only a little wink in the corner of her eye, she could instantly put us +in a state of fever, so that we would sit with cheeks as red as apples, +and our eyes fastened on our books, until we could contain ourselves no +longer. She tried especially to work upon me, though she knew I must pay +dearly for misconduct at home; for father was a severe man, who had very +little comprehension of children. + +In play hours, we romped with more animation than children generally +indulge in. + +In contrast to the strict, gloomy life at home, with father always +either out on business, or up in the office; where, from the blue room, +often came noises and cries from my poor insane mother, and where Anne +Kvæn was always going about, like a wandering spirit, playing with the +parsonage children was like a life in some other and happier, more +sunshiny part of the globe. + + + + +CHAPTER II + +_ON THE SHORE_ + + +The shore is an even more attractive playground for children in Nordland +than here in the south of Norway. At low-tide there is a much longer +stretch of beach than here. + +The sandy bottom lies bare, with pools in it here and there, in which +small fish swim, while down by the sea there sits a solitary gull on a +stone, or a sea-fowl walks by the water's edge. The fine, wave-marked +sand is full of heaps, covered with lines, left by the large, much +sought after bait-worms, that burrow down into the earth. Hidden among +the stones, or in the masses of sea-weed, lie the quick, transparent, +shrimp-like sand-hoppers, which dart through the shallow water when they +are pursued. They are used by small boys as bait, upon a bent pin, to +catch young coal-fish. + +Upon the high grassy hill above the beach, among some large stones, we +three children built our own warehouse of flat stone slabs, with +store-house, boat-house and quay below. + +In the boat-house we had all kinds of boats, small and great, from the +four-oared punt up to the ten-oared galley, some of wood and bark, +others of the boat-shaped, blue mussel shells. Our greatest pride, the +large yacht--a great, mended trough, with one mast and a deck, that was +constantly being fitted out for the Bergen market--was still not the +best; and I can remember how I many a time sat in church and made +believe that we owned the splendid, full-rigged ship, with cannon, that +hung under the chancel arch, [A ship, symbolical of the church, often +hangs in Norwegian churches.] and how, while the minister was preaching, +I pictured to myself all kinds of sailing-tours, which Carl and Susanna, +but especially Susanna, should look on at in wonder. That ship was the +only thing that was wanting to my happiness. + +In the bay, by father's quay, there was a deep, shelving bank, where, at +the end of the summer, came shoals of young cod-fish and other small +fry; and there we boys carried on our fishing, each with his linen +thread and bent pin. We cut the fish open, and hung them over the drying +poles standing in the field over by our own warehouse for the +preparation of dried fish, and we let the liver stand in small tubs to +rot until it became train-oil. Both products were then duly put away in +our store-house, ready "to go to Bergen" later on, in the yacht; and +Heaven knows we worked and slaved as eagerly and earnestly at our work +as the grown-up people did at theirs, yet the only real return we had for +it was the sunshine we got over our sunburnt, happy faces. + +Carl was a slenderly-built boy, who generally followed his more +energetic sister in everything. Both children had thick yellow hair; +Susanna's curled in ringlets that seemed to twinkle round her head every +time she moved--which, as already said, she constantly did with a toss +of her head, to keep her hair off her forehead. Both had alike a fair, +brilliant complexion, and beautiful blue eyes. I do not know whether +Susanna at that time was tall or short for her age--I only know I +thought her at least of the same height as myself, though she must +really have been half a head shorter; the difference was probably made +up by my admiration. + +I remember her, as she went to church on Sundays with her mother, a +little, pale, soberly-clad, busy woman, who was always, except on Sunday +mornings, knitting a long, dreary stocking. Susanna walked along the +sand-strewn path to church in a white or blue dress, with a dark +shepherdess hat on her head, a little white pocket-handkerchief folded +behind a very large old hymn-book, and white stockings, and shoes with a +band crossed over the instep. I did not think there could be a prettier +costume in the world than Susanna's Sunday dress. + +In church the minister's family sat in the first pew, right under the +pulpit, and we--my father and I--a few pews behind; and we children +exchanged many a Freemason's sign, intelligible only to ourselves. + +But once Susanna wounded me deeply, even to bitter tears. It became +evident to me that she had made my father the subject of one of her +lively remarks. With his good strong voice, he used to sing the hymns in +the simple country fashion, very loud; but--what I and many others +considered very effective--at the end of each verse he added a peculiar +turn to the last note, which did not belong to the tune, and was of his +own composition. This had been made a subject of remark at the +parsonage, and, like a little pitcher, Susanna had ears. When she +noticed that I had found this out, she looked very unhappy. + +When Carl was thirteen, he was sent to the grammar-school in Bergen, and +the "expensive" tutor went away by the last steamboat that same autumn. + +From this time Susanna's education was carried on by her parents, and I +was obliged to acquire my learning from the clerk, a good-natured old +man, who himself knew very little more than how to play the violin, +which he did with passion, and a sympathetic if uncultivated taste. + +When the clerk had gained my father's permission for me to learn the +violin--and I, like him, preferred this kind of entertainment to +learning lessons--three whole years, in other words, the time until I +was sixteen years of age, were divided between violin-playing and +idleness. + +Perhaps if my mind, during this period of my life, had been properly +kept under the daily discipline of work, much in me might have been +developed differently. At it was, the whole of my imaginary life was +unfortunately put into my own power, and I laid the foundation of +fancies which afterwards gained the mastery over my life, to a ruinous +extent. Some strongly impressionable natures require that the dividing +line drawn in every one's consciousness between fancy and reality, shall +be constantly and thoroughly maintained, lest it be obliterated at +certain points, and the real and the imaginary become confused. + +Although we no longer had the same abundant opportunities for meeting as +before, Susanna and I were, notwithstanding, constant and confidential +playmates throughout our childhood. + +When she had anything to confide to me, she generally watched by the +gate that crossed the road by the parsonage lands, at the time when I +went to or came from the clerk's. + +One day, as I came homewards along the road, with my books under my arm, +she was sitting in her blue-checked frock and straw hat, on the steps +by the side of the gate. She looked as if she were in a very bad temper, +and I could see at once that I was in for something. + +She did not answer my greeting; but when I attempted to slip through the +gate a little more quickly than she liked, she asked me in an irritated +tone if it were true, as they said, that I was so lazy that they could +make nothing of me at home. + +Susanna had often teased me; but what wounded me this time was that I +saw that they had been making my father and me the subject of censorious +remarks at the parsonage, and that Susanna had been a party to it. Had I +known that she now sat there as my defeated advocate, I should certainly +have done otherwise than I did, for with an offended look I passed on +without bestowing a word upon her. + +When I came home, I heard that the minister and my father had had a +disagreement in the Court of Reconciliation. The minister, who was a +commissioner of that court, had said that he thought my father went too +quickly forward in a certain case, and my father had given him a hasty +answer. It was on this occasion that judgment was passed upon us in the +parsonage. + +This state of affairs between our elders caused some shyness between us +children, and I remember that at first I was even afraid to go by the +parsonage, for fear of meeting the minister on the road. + +Susanna, however, made several attempts at advances; but at the first +glimpse of her blue-checked frock I always went a long way round, +through the field above the road, or waited among the trees until she +was gone. + +For some time I saw nothing of her; but one day, as I was going through +the gate, I saw written in pencil on the white board of the post that +marked the rode [Rode--a length of road. The high-road is divided into +rodes, and the division between these is marked by posts, on which stand +the names of the houses, whose owners have to keep that portion of the +road in repair.]: "You are angry with me, but S. is not at all angry +with you." + +I knew the large clumsy writing well, and I went back to the gate two or +three times that day to read it over and over again. It was Susanna in a +new character; I saw her in thought behind the letters as behind a +balustrade. In the afternoon I wrote underneath: "Look on the back of +the post!" and there I wrote: "D. is not angry with S. either." + +The next day Susanna was standing by the fence in the garden when I +passed, but pretended not to see me; she probably repented having been +so ready to make advances. + +Although outwardly their relations were polite in the extreme, in +reality my father's intercourse with the minister was from this time +broken off; they never, except on special occasions and in response to a +solemn invitation, set foot within one another's door. This again gave a +kind of clandestine character to the intercourse between me and Susanna. +No command was laid upon us, yet we only met, as it were, by stealth. + +We were both lonely children. Susanna sat at home, a prisoner to +every-day tediousness, under her mother's watchful eye, and in my dreary +home I always had a feeling of cold and fright, and as if all gladness +were over with Susanna at the parsonage. It was therefore not surprising +that we were always longing to be together. + +As we grew older, opportunities were less frequent, but the longing only +became the greater by being repressed, and the moments we could spend +together gradually acquired, unknown to us, another than the old +childish character. To talk to her had now become a solace to me, and +many a day I haunted the parsonage lands, only to get a glimpse of her. + +I was about sixteen, when one morning, as I passed the parsonage garden, +she beckoned to me, and handed me a flower over the wall, and then she +hastily ran in, right across the carrot beds, as if she were afraid some +one would see. + +It was the first time it had struck me how beautiful she was, and for +many a day I thought of her as she stood there in the garden among the +bushes with the morning sun shining down upon her. + + + + +CHAPTER III + +_THE SERVANTS' HALL_ + + +The ghostly spirit which ran through our house, first had free outlet +down in the servants' hall, when the men and maids, and the wayfarers +who were putting up for the night, sat in the evening in the red glow +from the stove, and told all kinds of tales about shipwrecks and ghosts. + +On the bench in the space between the stove and the wall, sat the +strong, handsome man Jens with his carpentering and repairs; he used to +do his work, and listen in silence to the others. By the stove +"Komag-Nils" busied himself with greasing komags [Komag--a peculiar kind +of leather boot used by the Fins.] or skins--he had this name, because +he made komags. Komag-Nils was a little fellow, with untidy yellow hair, +which hung over his eyes, and a face as round as a moon, on which the +nose looked like a little button; when he laughed, his wide thin-lipped +mouth and large jaws gave him almost the expression of a death's-head. +His small, watery eyes blinked at you mysteriously, but showed plainly +that he was not wanting in common sense. It was he, in fact, who could +tell the greatest number of stories, but still more was it he who could +get a stranger to tell stories of the visible or the invisible world +just as they occurred to him. + +A third man went by a nickname, which, however, they never gave him +within his hearing; Anders Lead-head, was so called, because he now and +then had bad fits of drinking, and nearly lost his place in consequence. +And yet in his way he was extremely capable. In any real dilemma--in a +storm--he rose at once to the responsible post of captain in the boat; +for there was but one opinion of his capability as a sailor. When the +danger was over, he fell back again into the insignificant man. + +A girl of twenty years of age, whom we called French Martina, was also +one of the regular servants of the house. She seemed of a totally +different race of beings from the ordinary Nordlander, was quick and +lively, with thick, curly black hair, round a brown oval face with +strikingly regular features. She was slenderly built, of middle height, +and had a good figure. Her eyes, beneath strongly marked, black +eyebrows, were as black as coal; and when she was angry, they could +flash fire. She was in love with the silent Jens, and was extremely +jealous, without the slightest cause. It was said that these two would +make a match when he had been on two or three more fishing expeditions, +but the matter was not officially announced at any rate, I think because +Jens made a passive resistance as long as he could, and never actually +proposed to her. French Martina was, by birth, one of the illegitimate +children of those fishing districts, whose fathers are foreign skippers +or sailors. Her father was said to have been a French sailor. + +I was strictly forbidden by my father to go into the servants' hall in +the evening; he knew very well that a good many things were said there +that were not fit for children's ears. But then, on the other hand, it +was just down there that the most interesting things in the world were +talked about. The consequence was that I used to steal down secretly. I +remember how, one dark autumn evening, when I had slipped in, I +listened, while Komag-Nils--the man with the yellow hair and +death's-head grin when he laughed--told a dreadful ghost story from +Erlandsen's predecessor's time. + +At that time there stood an old store-house not far from the parsonage. +One Christmas Eve they sat drinking and merry-making in the warehouse. +At eleven o'clock the ale gave out, and a man named Rasmus, who was a +strong, courageous fellow, was sent to the store-house, where the +beer-cask lay, to fill a large pewter jug, which he took with him. When +he got there, Rasmus set the lantern on the cask, and began to draw. +When the jug was full, and he was just meditating putting it to his +lips, he saw, over the beer barrel, lying with its body in the shadow, +where all the barrels stood in a row, a terribly big, broad, dark form, +from which there came an icy breath, as if from a door that stood open; +it blinked at him with two great eyes like dull, horn lanterns, and +said: "A thief at the Christmas ale"! But Rasmus did not neglect his +opportunity. He flung the heavy jug right in the goblin's face, and ran +away as fast as his legs would carry him. Outside there was moonlight on +the snow; he heard cries and howls down on the shore, and became aware +that goblins were pursuing him in ever-increasing numbers. When he came +to the churchyard wall they were close upon him, and in his extremity he +bethought himself of shouting over the wall: "Help me now, all ye dead!" +for the dead are enemies of the goblins. He heard them all rising, and +noises and yells as of a battle followed. He himself was closely pursued +by a goblin, who was just on the point of springing upon him as he +seized the latch of the door, and got safely in. But then he fell +fainting on the floor. The next day--the first Christmas Day [In Norway, +Christmas Day is called "first Christmas Day"; the day after, "second +Christmas Day," and so on to the end of the week.]--the people going to +church saw, strewn all around on the graves, pieces of coffin-boards, +and all kinds of old sodden oars, and such timbers as usually sink to +the bottom after a shipwreck. They were the weapons that the dead and +the goblins had used, and from various things it could be gathered that +the dead were the victors. They also found both the pewter jug and the +lantern down in the store-house. The pewter jug had been beaten flat +against the goblin's skull, and the goblin had smashed the lantern when +Rasmus escaped. + +Komag-Nils could also tell a great deal about people with second sight +and their visions of things, sometimes in the spirit world, sometimes in +actual life, of which they either feel a warning, or--as if in a kind of +atmospheric reflection before their mental vision--can see what is +happening at that very moment in far distant places. They may be sitting +in merry company, and all at once, becoming pale and disturbed, they +gaze absently before them into space. They see all kinds of things, and +sometimes an exclamation escapes them, such as: "A fire has broken out +in Merchant N.N.'s buildings in ----vaagen"! or "Trondhjem is burning +now"! Sometimes they see a long funeral procession passing, with such +distinctness that they can describe the place and appearance of every +man in it, the coffin and the streets through which the procession wends +its way. They will say: "A great man is being buried down in +Kristiania"; and when the news comes, it always corresponds with their +statement. It may happen, at sea, that such a man will say to the +captain that he will do well to go out of his course for a little while; +and he is always obeyed, for the crew are quite sure that he beholds in +front of the ship what none of them perceive, perhaps a goblin in his +half-boat, or a spectre, or something else that brings misfortune. + +One of Komag-Nils' many stories of this kind had happened to an +acquaintance of his during the winter fishing. The weather had been very +stormy for two days, but on the third had so far lulled that one of the +boats' crews that had been lodging in the fishing hut, thought that it +would be quite possible to draw their nets. But the rest did not care to +venture. Now it is a custom that the different boats' crews shall give +each other a hand in launching the boats, and this was now to be done. +When they came down to the ten-oared boat, which was drawn a good way up +the beach, they found both oars and thwarts reversed, and, in addition +to this, it was impossible, even with their united efforts, to move it. +They tried once, twice, three times without avail. And then one of them, +who was known to have second sight, said that from what he saw, it was +better that they should not touch the boat that day: it was too heavy +for human power. In one of the crews that put up in the fishing-hut +there was a lively boy of fourteen, who entertained them the whole time +with tricks of all kinds, and was never quiet. He took up a huge stone +and threw it with all his might into the stern of the boat. Instantly +there rushed out, visible to every one, a gnome in seaman's dress with a +great bunch of sea-weed for a head. It had been sitting at the stern +weighing down the boat, and now rushed out into the sea, dashing the +water up in spray round it as it went. After that the boat went smoothly +into the water. The man with the second sight looked at the boy, and +said he ought not to have done as he had; but the boy only laughed and +said that he did not believe in goblins or spirits. In the night, when +they had come home and lay sleeping in the hut, at about twelve o'clock +they heard the boy crying for help. One of the men thought, too, he saw +by the dim light of the oil lamp a great hand stretching in from the +door up to the bench on which the boy lay. Before they had so far +collected themselves as to lay hold of the hand, the boy, crying out and +resisting, was already dragged to the door. And now a hard struggle took +place in the doorway, the goblin pulling the boy by the legs, while the +whole crew held him by the arms and the upper part of his body. In this +way, at the hour of midnight, he was dragged backwards and forwards in +the half-open doorway, now the men, now the goblin, having the better of +the struggle. All at once the goblin let go his hold, so that the whole +crew fell over one another backwards on to the floor. But the boy was +dead, and they understood that it was only then that the goblin had let +go. The following winter they used to hear wailings at midnight in the +fishing-hut, and they had no peace until it was moved away to another +spot. + +The Nordlander has the same, or even a greater pride in owning the +fastest sailing-boat, that the East countryman in many places has in +having the fastest trotting-horse. A really good boat is talked of in as +many districts in the north, as, a really fine trotter would be in the +south. All sorts of traditions about the speed and wonderful racing +powers of the boats are current in Nordland, and romantic tales are told +of some of them. The best boats in Nordland now came from Ranen, where +boatbuilding has made great strides. To build a good boat with the +correct water-lines requires genius, and cannot be learned +theoretically; for it is a matter of special skill on the part of the +builder of each boat. Ill-constructed boats are sometimes put together +but they are, of course, unsatisfactory and sail only moderately well. +The Nordland boat-builders have long since discovered the high fore and +aft, sharp-keeled boat, to be the most practical, with one mast and a +broad, prettily cut square sail admirably suited to what is most +required, rapid sailing in fore and side winds, though less so for +tacking. The boat is exactly the same shape under water as the +fast-sailing clippers for which the English and Americans have of late +become famed. What it has cost the Nordlanders to perfect the form that +now enables them almost to fly before the wind, away from mighty curling +billows which would bury the boat, if they reached it; how many +generations have suffered and toiled and thought over, and corrected +this shape under pain of death, so to speak, for every mistake made! In +short, the history of the Nordland boat, from the days of men who first +waged war with the ocean up there, to this day is a forgotten Nordland +saga, full of the great achievements of the steadily toiling workman. + +One winter's evening in January, a little while before the fishing +began, I heard a story told by a man of one of the large boats' crews +who were then spending the night at our house. He was started by two or +three of Komag-Nils' stories, and wanted to show us that where he came +from, down at Dönö near Ranen, in Helgeland, there were as many and as +wonderful stories and boats, as with us in Nordland. The narrator was a +little, quick-speaking fellow, who sat the whole time rocking backwards +and forwards, and fidgetting upon the bench, while he talked. With his +sharp nose, and round, reddish little eyes, he resembled a restless +sea-bird on a rock. Every now and then he broke off to dive down into +his provision box, as if every time he did so he took out of it a fresh +piece of his story. The story was as follows: + +On Kvalholmen, in Helgeland, there lived a poor fisherman named Elias, +with his wife Karen, who had formerly been servant at the minister's +over at Alstadhaug. They had put up a cottage at Kvalholmen, and Elias +was now in the Lofoten fishing-trade, working for daily wages. + +It was pretty evident that lonely Kvalholmen was haunted. When the +husband was away, the wife heard many dismal noises and cries, which +could not come from anything good. One day when she was up on the +mountain, cutting grass for winter fodder for the two or three sheep +they owned, she distinctly heard the sound of talking on the beach +below, but dared not look to see who was there. + +Every year there came a child, but the parents were both industrious. +When seven years had passed there were six children in the cottage; and +that same autumn the man had scraped together so much that he thought he +could afford to buy a six-oared boat, and henceforward sail to the +fishing in his own boat. + +One day as he was walking along with a halibut pike [A long wooden pole +with a barbed iron point to spear halibut with.] in his hand, meditating +over his intention, he stumbled unexpectedly, upon an immense seal, +which lay sunning itself behind a rock down on the shore. The seal was +quite as little prepared for the man as the man for it. Elias, however, +was not slow; from the rock where he stood he thrust the long heavy pike +into its back, just below the head. + +And then there was a scene! All at once the seal raised itself upon its +tail straight up in the air, as high as a boat-mast, showed its teeth +and looked at Elias with two bloodshot eyes, so maliciously and +venomously, that he was nearly frightened out of his senses. Then the +seal rushed straight into the sea, leaving a track of blood-tinged foam +behind it. Elias saw nothing more of it; but the same afternoon the +halibut pike, with the iron point broken off, was washed up at the +landing-stage in Kval creek where the house stood. + +Elias thought no more of the affair. The same autumn he bought his +six-oared boat, for which he had put up a little boat-house during the +summer. + +One night as he lay thinking about this new boat of his, it struck him +that in order to make it thoroughly secure he ought, perhaps, to put one +more plank to support it on each side. He was so fond of the boat, that +it was nothing but a pleasure for him to get up and go with a lantern to +look at it. + +While he stood holding the light up over the boat, he suddenly caught +sight of a face in the corner, upon a heap of fishing-net, that exactly +resembled the seal's. The creature showed its teeth angrily at him and +the light, its mouth seeming the whole time to grow wider and wider, and +then a huge man rushed out through the boat-house door, but not too +quickly for Elias to see, by the light of the lantern, that out of his +back there stuck a long iron spike. Now Elias began to understand a +little; but still he was more afraid on account of his boat than for his +own life, and he sat in the boat himself, with the lantern, and kept +guard. When his wife came to look for him in the morning she found him +sleeping, with the extinguished lantern by his side. + +One morning in the following January when he put out to fish with two +men in his boat besides himself, he heard in the dark a voice that came +from a rock at the entrance to the creek. It laughed scornfully, and +said: "When you get a ten-oared boat, take care, Elias!" + +However, it was many years before anything happened to the ten-oared +boat, and by that time his eldest son, Bernt, was seventeen. That autumn +Elias went into Ranen with his whole family in the six-oared boat, to +exchange it for a ten-oared boat. Only a newly confirmed Fin girl, whom +they had taken in some years before, was left at home. + +Elias had in his eye a half-decked ten-oared boat, which the best +boat-builder in Ranen had finished and tarred that very autumn. Elias +knew very well what a boat should be, and thought he had never seen one +so well built under the water-line. Above, on the contrary, it was only +fairly good, so that to any one less experienced it looked heavy, and +with no beauty to speak of. + +The builder knew this just as well as Elias. He said he believed it +would be the first boat in Ranen for sailing; but that, all the same, +Elias should have it cheap, if he would only promise one thing, and that +was, not to make any alteration in it, not so much as to put a line on +the tar. Only when Elias had expressly promised this did he get the +boat. + +But "the fellow," who had taught the builder the shape for his boats +below water-line--above it, he was obliged to work as he could by +himself, and that was often poorly enough--had probably advised him +beforehand, to sell it cheaply, so that Elias should have it, and also +to make it a condition that the boat should not be marked in any way. +The cross [Customary with fishermen in Nordland to keep evil spirits +away.] usually painted fore and aft, did not, therefore, appear on the +boat. + +Elias now thought of sailing home, but first went to the shop and laid +in a supply of Christmas goods including a little keg of brandy for +himself and his family. Delighted as he was with his purchase, both he +and his wife took that day a little more than was good for them, and +Bernt, the son, also had a taste. + +Their shopping done, they set out to sail the new boat home. It had no +other ballast than himself, his wife and children, and the Christmas +fare. His son Bernt sat in the fore-part, his wife, with the help of the +second son, held the halliard, and Elias sat at the helm, while the two +younger boys, twelve and fourteen years of age, were to take turns at +baling. + +They had eight miles [About thirty-eight English miles = eight Norwegian +sea miles.] to sail, and when they got out to sea, it was pretty evident +that they would come to prove the boat the first time she was used. A +storm was gradually rising, and the foam-crests began to break on the +great waves. + +Now Elias saw what sort of a boat he had; she cleared the waves like a +sea-bird, without so much as a drop coming in, and he therefore judged +that he did not need to take in a reef, which in an ordinary ten-oared +boat he would be obliged to do in such weather. + +Later in the day he noticed, not far off on the sea, another ten-oared +boat fully manned and with four reefs in the sail, exactly as he had. +Her course was the same as his, and he thought it rather strange that he +had not seen her before. She seemed desirous of racing with him, and +when Elias saw this he could not refrain from letting out another reef. + +The boat now flew with the speed of an arrow past naze, island and rock, +till Elias thought he had never been for such a splendid sail before, +and the boat now showed herself to be, as she really was, the first boat +in Ranen. + +In the meantime the sea had grown rougher, and two considerable waves +had already broken over them. They broke in at the bow where Bernt sat, +and flowed out to leeward near the stern. + +Since it had become darker, the other boat had kept quite close, and +they were now so near to one another that a scoop could have been thrown +across from one boat to the other. + +And thus they sailed, side by side, in the growing storm, throughout the +evening. The fourth reef of the sail ought properly to have been taken +in, but Elias was loth to give up the race, and he thought he would wait +until they took a reef in over in the other boat, where it must be +needed quite as much as in his. The brandy keg went round from time to +time, for there was now both cold and wet to be kept out. + +The phosphorescence that played in the black waves near Elias's boat +shone weirdly in the foam round the other boat, which seemed to plough +up and roll waves of fire about her sides. By their bright light he +could even distinguish the spars and ropes in her. He could also +distinctly see the men on board, with sou'westers on their heads; but as +their windward side was nearest, they all had their backs turned to him, +and were nearly hidden by the gunwale. + +Suddenly there broke over the bows, where Bernt sat, a tremendous wave +whose white crest Elias had long seen through the darkness. It seemed to +stop the whole boat for an instant, the timbers quivered and shook under +its weight, and when the boat, which for a few seconds lay +half-capsized, righted herself and went on her way again, it streamed +out astern. While this was happening, he fancied there were ghastly +cries in the other boat. But when it was over, his wife, who sat at the +halliard, said in a voice that cut him to the heart: "Good God! Elias, +that wave took Martha and Nils with it!"--these were their youngest +children, the former nine, the latter seven years old, who had been +sitting in the bow, near Bernt. To this Elias only answered: "Don't let +go the rope, Karen, or you will lose more!" + +It was now necessary to take in the fourth reef, and, when that was +done, Elias found that the fifth ought to be taken in too, for the storm +was increasing; yet in order to sail the boat free of the +ever-increasing seas he dared not, on the other hand, take in more sail +than was absolutely necessary. But the little sail they could carry +became gradually less and less. The spray dashed in their faces, and +Bernt and his next youngest brother Anton, who till now had helped his +mother with the halliard, were at last obliged to hold the yard, an +expedient resorted to when the boat cannot even bear to go with the last +reef--in this case the fifth. + +The companion boat, which had in the meantime vanished, now suddenly +appeared again beside them with exactly the same amount of sail as +Elias's boat; and he began rather to dislike the look of the crew on +board of her. The two men who stood there holding the yard, whose pale +faces he could distinguish under the sou'westers, seemed to him, in the +curious light from the breaking foam, more like corpses than living +beings, and apparently they did not speak a word. + +A little to windward he saw once more the high white crest of another +huge wave coming through the dark, and he prepared for it in time. The +boat was laid with her stem in a slanting direction to it, and with as +much sail as she could carry, in order to give her sufficient speed to +cleave it and sail right through it. In it rushed with the roar of a +waterfall; again the boat half heeled over, and when the wave was past +his wife no longer sat at the halliard, and Anton no longer stood +holding the yard--they had both gone overboard. + +This time, too, Elias thought he heard the same horrible cries in the +air; but in the midst of them he distinctly heard his wife calling his +name in terror. When he comprehended that she was washed overboard, he +only said: "In Jesus' name!" and then was silent. His inclination was to +follow her, but he felt, too, that he must do what he could to save the +rest of the freight he had on board--namely, Bernt and his two other +sons, the one twelve, the other fourteen, who had baled the boat for a +time, but had now found a place in the stern behind their father. + +Bernt now had to mind the sail alone; and he and his father, as far as +was possible, helped one another. Elias dared not let go the tiller, and +he held it firmly with a hand of iron that had long lost feeling from +the strain. + +After a while the companion boat appeared again; as before, it had been +absent for a time. Now, too, Elias saw more of the big man who sat in +the stern in the same place as himself. Out of his back, below the +sou'wester, when he turned, stuck a six-inch-long iron spike which Elias +thought he ought to know. And now, in his own mind, he had come to a +clear understanding upon two points: one was that it was no other than +the sea-goblin himself who was steering his half-boat by his side and +was leading him to destruction, and the other, that it was so ordained +that he was sailing his last voyage that night. For he who sees the +goblin on the sea is a lost man. He said nothing to the others for fear +of making them lose courage; but he silently committed his soul to God. + +For the last few hours he had been obliged to go out of his course for +the storm; the air too became thick with snow, and he saw that he would +have to wait for dawn before he could find out his whereabouts. In the +meantime they sailed on. Now and then the boys in the stern complained +of the cold, but there was nothing to be done in the wet, and moreover +Elias's thoughts were of very different things. He had such an intense +desire for revenge, that, if he had not had the lives of his three +remaining children to defend, he would have attempted by a sudden turn +of his own boat to run into and sink the other, which still, as if in +mockery, kept by his side, and whose evil object he understood only too +well. If the halibut pike could wound the goblin before, then surely a +knife or a landing-hook might now, and he felt that he would gladly give +his life for a good blow at the monster who had so unmercifully taken +his dearest from him, and still wanted more victims. + +Between three and four in the morning Elias saw, advancing through the +dark, another foam-crest, so high that at first he thought they must be +near breakers, close to land. But he soon saw that it really was an +enormous wave. Then he fancied he distinctly heard laughter over in the +other boat, and the words, "Now your boat will capsize, Elias!" Elias, +who foresaw the disaster, said aloud: "In Jesus' name!" and told his +sons to hold on, with all their might, to the willow bands on the +rowlocks when the boat went under, and not to leave go until she rose +again. He made the elder boy go forward to Bernt; he himself held the +younger close to him, quietly stroking his cheek, and assured himself +that he had a good hold. The boat was literally buried under the +foam-drift, then gradually lifted at the bow, and went under. When she +rose again, keel uppermost, Elias, Bernt, and the twelve-year-old Martin +still held on to the willow bands. But the third brother was gone. + +The first thing to be done now was to cut the shrouds on one side, so +that the mast could float beside them, instead of greatly adding to the +unsteadiness of the boat underneath; and the next to get up on to the +rolling keel and knock the plug in, which would let out the air +underneath, so that the boat could lie still. After great exertion they +succeeded in this, and then Elias, who was the first to get on to the +keel, helped the others up too. + +And there they sat through the long winter night, clinging convulsively +with hands and knees to the keel over which the waves washed again and +again. + +After two or three hours had passed, Martin whom his father had +supported as well as he could the whole time, died of exhaustion, and +slipped down into the sea. They had already tried calling out for help +several times, but gave it up, because they saw it was of no use. + +While Elias and Bernt sat alone upon the overturned boat, Elias said to +his son that he was quite sure he himself would go to "be with mother," +but he had strong hopes that Bernt might yet be saved, if he only held +out like a man. Then he told him of the goblin he had wounded in the +back with the halibut pike, and how it had revenged itself upon him, and +would not give up "until they were quits." + +It was about nine in the morning, when the dawn began to show grey. Then +Elias handed to Bernt, who sat by his side, his silver watch with the +brass chain, which he had broken in two in drawing it out from under his +buttoned-up waistcoat. He still sat for a while, but, as it grew +lighter, Bernt saw that his father's face was deadly pale, his hair had +parted in several places as it often does when death is near, and the +skin was torn from his hands by holding on to the keel. The son knew +that his father could not last long, and wanted, as well as the pitching +would allow, to move along and support him; but when Elias noticed this +he said: "Only hold fast, Bernt! In Jesus' name, I am going to mother" +and thereupon threw himself backwards off the boat. + +When the sea had got its due, it became, as every one knows who has sat +long upon an upturned boat, a good deal quieter. It became easier for +Bernt to hold on; and with the growing day there came more hope. The +storm lulled, and when it became quite light, it seemed to him he ought +to know where he was, and that he lay drifting outside his own native +place, Kvalholmen. + +He began once more to call for help, but hoped most in a current which +he knew set in to land at a place where a naze on the island broke the +force of the waves, so that there was smooth water within. He did drift +nearer and nearer, and at last came so near to one rock that the mast, +which was floating by the side of the boat, was lifted up and down the +slope of the rock by the waves. Stiff as all his joints were with +sitting and holding on, he yet succeeded by great exertion in climbing +up on to the rock, where he hauled up the mast and moored the boat. + +The Fin servant-maid who was alone in the house, had thought for a few +hours that she heard cries of distress, and as they continued she +climbed the hill to look out. There she saw Bernt upon the rock, and the +boat, bottom upwards, rocking up and down against it. She immediately +ran down to the boat-house, launched the old four-oared boat, and rowed +it along the shore, round the island, out to him. + +Bernt lay ill under her care the whole winter, and did not go fishing +that year. People thought, too, after this that he was now and then a +little strange. + +He had a horror of the sea, and would never go on it again. He married +the Fin girl and moved up to Malangen, where he bought a clearing, and +is now doing well. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +_AMONG THE VÆTTE ROCKS_ + + +It was summer. Susanna and I were now in our seventeenth year, and it +was settled that we should be confirmed in the autumn. + +It was this year that my father was involved in his unequal struggle +with the authorities--among whom were the sheriff and the minister--as +to whether our trading-place should be a permanent stopping-place for +the Nordland steamer. This was a matter of vital importance to my +father, and the dispute about it, which also interested the whole +district, had already begun to be rather warm. + +This was, in fact, not the least important object that the sheriff had +in view when he came that summer on a visit to the minister, who was a +very influential man. + +Outwardly there was as yet no rupture between my father and the +minister, and it must have been for the purpose of manifesting this +publicly that during the sheriff's visit my father was invited over to +the minister's two or three times. + +It was thus that my father and I were one day asked to go on a +sailing-trip out to the Vætte Rocks, which lay half a mile away. We were +first to fish, and then to eat milk-rings [The thick sour cream off the +pans in which milk has been set up.] on land at Gunnar's Place, a house +rented from the parsonage. + +There was always a certain solemnity about the occasion when the +minister's white house-boat with four men at the oars glided out of the +bay, and a considerable number of spectators generally stood on shore to +watch it. That day, father, too, stood out on the steps, with a +telescope. He had excused himself from going, but with good tact had let +me go. + +In the cabin, which was open on account of the heat, sat the minister's +wife and the sheriff's two ladies, and outside, one on each side, the +minister and the sheriff, smoking their silver-mounted meerschaum pipes, +and chatting comfortably: they were college-friends. Susanna and I, +together with the housemaid from Trondhjem, who was adorned for the +occasion, had a place in the roomy bow. The minister's wife wanted to +keep that part of the boat in which she had an immense provision +basket--a regular portable larder--under her own eye. The big basket and +the little lady entirely occupied one bench, while the two other ladies, +with their starched dresses, quite filled up the rest of the narrow +cabin. + +There was not a breath stirring, and the West Fjord heaved in long, +smooth swells. The fjord lay like a giant at rest, sunning itself. The +wonderfully clear air allowed the eye to see over the mountain ranges, +almost into eternity, while an aërial reflection--an inverted mountain, +with a house under it and a couple of spouting whales--built up a +fairytale for us over the blue stretch of sea. Now and then we met a +sea-fowl, floating on the smooth water; and in our wake gambolled a +porpoise or two. + +A little before midday we got in among the Vætte Rocks, and set about +fishing; for first, without considering the provision basket, we had to +procure our own dinner. + +On the outer side of the rocks the surf broke noisily in the still day, +and sent up great white jets, or retreated with a long sucking sound, as +if the ocean drew deep, regular, breaths. Restless as Susanna was, she +bent over the gunwale, until her hair almost dipped in her own image in +the water, to look through the transparent sea at the fish, which, at a +depth of fifteen or twenty fathoms, glided in and out among the seaweed +over the greenish-white bottom, and crowded round the lines with which +the grown-up people with their double tackle often drew up two fish at +once. In her eagerness she called me stone-blind, whenever I could not +see just the fish she meant. And short-sighted I was, too, but Susanna's +slightest movement interested me more than any fish. + +The scene was indeed enchanting. The white boat rocked over its image, +as if it hung in space. Gunnar's Place, too, lay reflected in the water, +with field-patches below it, and birch-clad slopes above and around it. +The air, which had, later in the day, become misty with the heat, was +filled with the strong scent of foliage, such as is only known in the +south when it has been raining. + +In less than an hour the pail was full of fish, enough for a "boiling," +and we landed. + +The minister's wife meantime had a table brought out on to the grass in +front of the house, and on the fine damask cloth she had placed several +milk-rings. She had also made _romme gröd_, [Thick cream, either sweet +or sour, boiled.] and, as far as space would permit, had loaded the +table with courses from the provision basket. + +But at last the wine and good things began to confuse the sheriff's +brain a little. To the intense horror of the minister's wife, he related +how her husband, grey-haired and strict as he now was, had been an +unusually gay fellow in his youth, and how they had played many a mad +prank together. + +When the sheriff found that he had made a mistake, he tried to mend +matters by a serious toast, in which he expressed a hope that, for the +sake of the district, the minister would be able to defeat all the +machinations of his intriguing neighbour--here he was stopped in his +speech by a meaning look from the minister over at me, as I sat at the +end of the table--and ended with some wandering remarks, which were +meant to turn off the whole thing. + +I turned cold, and the perspiration stood on my forehead, and I must +have been as white as a sheet. For my father's sake, I thought I must +keep up appearances, but the food stuck in my throat, and I could not +swallow another mouthful. I looked across at Susanna; she was crimson. + +There was a short silence, during which every one ruminated over what +had passed, until the summer day's drowsiness became too overpowering, +and the minister and the sheriff, who were both accustomed to take an +after-dinner nap, proposed that every one should seek a shady place and +rest for an hour. + +After what had passed at table I felt utterly miserable. They had +allowed so offensive an opinion about my father to escape, that it was +torture to me to remain any longer in their company. + +A little beyond the house, the hill sloped down into a narrow valley, +with birches and willows on the ridge on both sides, and among them +there flowed over the flint stones a clear, twinkling little brook, in +which glided a trout or two. While the others slept, I went up along the +bank, and lay down to brood in solitude over my sorrow. + +I do not know how long I had lain thus; but when I looked up, Susanna +sat there in great agitation. She thought they had behaved badly towards +me, she said, and then, as though she could not bear to see me +distressed, she silently stroked the hair back from my forehead again +and again. + +There was a warmth in the little hand and an eloquence in her face as +she struggled to keep back her tears, that my heart, so hungering after +affection, could not withstand. + +I do not know how it came about, but I only remember that I stood and +pressed her passionately to my heart, with my cheek against hers, and +begged her to love me, only a little, and I would love her without +measure the whole of my life. I remember, too, that she answered "Yes," +and that we both cried. + +A little while after we stood hand in hand, smiling and looking at one +another. A new thought had simultaneously come to us both--that now we +were engaged. Susanna was the first to give it expression, and said, as +she looked at me out of the depths of her faithful blue eyes, that from +this time I must always remember that she was fond of me, however unkind +the others were. + +We heard them calling us, and--what we had never thought of doing +before--Susanna hurried on by herself a little way, so that we each came +back to the others alone. + + * * * * * + +It was far on into the morning of the next day, when Anne Kvæn roused me +with a shake, as she had been accustomed to do since I was a child, and +told me that my father had started that morning for Tromsö. He had been +up to my room before he went, and when he came down again said that I +lay smiling in my sleep, and "looked so happy, poor boy"! + +It was very seldom that any sympathetic words came from my father, so +these are imprinted on my memory. + +My father himself at that time was anything but cheerful. The steamboat +dispute lay heavy on his heart, and he now wanted to try, as a last +resort, to have the matter thoroughly aired in the newspapers, and it +was about this that he now wanted to apply personally to a solicitor at +Tromsö. + +These circumstances, however, did not come to my knowledge at that time. + + + + +CHAPTER V + +_CONFIRMATION_ + + +While matters were in this state between our parents, the time came for +Susanna and me to be confirmed. As I was not entered until some time +after the confirmation course had begun, it was arranged that, besides +the class in the church every Monday, I was to read alone with the +minister on Fridays. + +In his abrupt way my father made me a little private speech, in which he +expressed a hope that I would not disgrace him before the minister. + +The lesson up in the minister's study was an entirely new mental +development for me. The big, grey-haired man, with his broad, powerful +face, and massive silver spectacles, generally pushed up on to his +forehead above the heavy eyebrows, sat on the sofa with his big +meerschaum pipe in his mouth, and expounded, while I, smart and +attentive, listened in the chair on the opposite side of the table. + +I became more and more convinced that the minister must be an honourable +and thoroughly sincere man, but at the same time hard and severe; for +he always talked about our duties, and that we must not think that +pardon would be given us if we tried to escape from them. Sometimes, +too, he would be in the humour for reflections which were not quite +intended for me; there were all kinds of attempts to reason away doubts +that might possibly arise in matters of belief, especially about +miracles, which he generally wanted to explain in a natural way. He +could be exceedingly clever in his comparisons, and I used then to think +in this, as in much of the strong-willed expression of his face when he +talked, that I recognised Susanna's nature. The small, well-shaped hands +and the well-proportioned though not tall figure, she had evidently +inherited from her father, as also a certain quick movement of the head +when her words were to be made more impressive than usual. But Susanna +had in addition a warmth and impulsiveness, almost volcanic in their +nature, which struck me as foreign to the expression that lay in the +minister's cold, clear, intelligent eyes. + +The minister praised me for my thoughtfulness, but repeated several +times, to my secret humiliation, that I had a way of furtively looking +down that I must try to get rid of. He doubtless thought that I was +excessively embarrassed, perhaps, too, that I suffered under the +consciousness of my father's position with regard to him. + +However that may be, his cold, piercing, blue or grey eyes sometimes +looked at me as if they saw right through me and cut me up like an +orange, right into my secret with Susanna. I felt like a traitor who was +betraying his confidence, and I pictured to myself what he would think +of me one day, when he came to know all, and that during his instruction +on the subject of my eternal happiness I could have sat before him so +false and bold. I became more and more convinced during the lessons on +the Explanation, [Of Luther's Catechism] that my relations with Susanna, +as long as they were kept a secret from her parents, were wrong, and now +I was going, with this deliberate sin on my conscience, coolly and with +premeditation to kneel at the Lord's Table. + +These scruples haunted me at home, too, and at last became a real +martyrdom to me. All sin, said the Explanation, could be forgiven, +except sin against the Holy Ghost. + +The deeper my imagination was plunged in meditation on this mysterious +crime against Heaven, which was beyond the limits of pardon and could +not be forgiven, the higher rose the torturing anxiety in my mind lest +the very sin that I was now calmly and deliberately about to commit, was +of that kind. + +My hesitation was especially on the subject of the Sacrament, which I +now boldly, and with full purpose, intended to desecrate, by concealing +the fact that I was deceiving the very person that would give it to me. +I tried in vain to dismiss these thoughts, or at any rate to put them +off, until the very last day before confirmation. My mind became every +day more uneasy, and in my imagination there arose thoughts that no +longer depended on my own will, and I stood dismayed before all the +visions and possibilities of hell's terror. + +I dared not reassure myself by trying to get Susanna to talk about my +fears; for as long as she was ignorant that what was to be done was a +sin, she was not to blame; and rather than involve her with myself, I +would bear my burden alone. To reveal the whole thing at the last moment +to the stern minister would, of course, disclose our engagement, would +be an unbearable scandal for us both, and, as I thought, would only +result in my losing Susanna; and this I dared not risk without her +consent. The whole thing was thus knotted into an impossible ring, out +of which no escape seemed possible. + +On the last two Mondays when I stood in the church while the minister +examined us, I often looked earnestly over at Susanna. She stood there, +bright, smiling and inattentive; she suspected nothing, and could give +no help. + +During the days immediately before the confirmation my distress rose to +fever height, several times I was scarcely in my right mind, and felt +dreadfully unhappy. It seemed to me at last that I was actually throwing +away my eternal happiness for Susanna's sake. At night I started up from +terrifying dreams, in which I saw myself kneeling at the altar with +Susanna beside me--she looking so unsuspecting, so supernaturally +beautiful, while the minister stood with a face of thunder, as if he +knew that a soul would now be destroyed, and that, in the Communion, he +was carrying out God's vengeance. Another night I awoke with a fancy +that a scornful laugh came from under the bed, and with a conviction +that the Evil One lurked there, curled up like a great snake. I hid +myself with a beating heart under the down quilt, until I heard people +moving in the yard below in the morning, and then I ventured to fly from +the room. + +It was Confirmation Day. + +I stood at the glass that morning, before church-time, dressing myself +in my new clothes, in the "blue room," the room in which my mother had +been confined during the many years she was ill. I could see, through +the small-paned windows, boat after boat full of nicely-dressed +confirmation candidates, with their parents in holiday costume, rowing, +in the bright autumn day, across the bay, and landing, some at our +pier, others at the parsonage landing-place. + +An impression of solemnity suddenly filled me with despair; I thought of +how all these people would come into God's kingdom as easily as they +were now rowing into the sunny bay this quiet Sunday morning, while I +alone stood without hope of salvation. I saw all at once that in my sad, +spiritually dark home, I had always, from childhood upwards, really had +a feeling in my inmost heart that happiness and blessedness were not +meant for me, and that all the happiness and joy I hitherto had was +really only borrowed sunshine from the parsonage. And with the sin I was +carrying, I could only have Susanna as a loan until I died, when we +should have to part, and I must go back to the evil powers of +unhappiness, which, from my earliest hour here at home, had taken +possession of me. + +I leant against the wall and cried. + +As I was about to continue my dressing, and turned to the glass, it was +without terror, even with a certain tranquillity, that my gaze fell on +the old vision of my childhood, the lady with the rose whom I saw +standing behind me in the open chamber-door, pale and sorrowful, looking +at me, until she suddenly vanished. + +The church bells were ringing and the people were streaming towards the +church. To-day Anne Kvæn and all the house servants were also among the +churchgoers. Father went with me, and bowed respectfully to the minister +when they met at the entrance. + +The order in which we confirmation candidates were to stand in church +had been decided the Monday before. I was to stand first on the boys' +side, Susanna first on the girls' side. + +One hymn had already been sung before Susanna came with her mother, +dressed like a grown-up lady in a black silk dress, with gauze on her +neck and arms, and a locket on her breast. She remained sitting by her +mother in the parsonage pew until the affecting sermon was over. + +I must have looked very ill and exhausted; for as the minister began the +catechising at me, he stopped in the middle of a question with a look as +if asking what was the matter with me. I answered his question +correctly, and with a nod he went across to Susanna, who stood there +with folded hands, looking down, tearful and rather pale with excitement +before her question came. While her father put it, she looked up at him +with her sweet blue eyes so innocently and trustfully that it was more +than clear that she had no thought of an evil conscience at that moment. +When it was got through and her father went on to the next candidate, +she smiled, relieved though serious, across to me as if I were the +person to whom she could properly turn in this hour. + +I looked, as often as I could do so unnoticed, across to her as she +stood there, tall and beautiful, with her luxuriant hair dressed in +grown-up fashion. Now and then she looked across at me, but I avoided +meeting her eye. Her glance now seemed to add to my sin, just as every +sacred word I heard only added to my load, and had an effect the very +opposite of comforting. + +The service was long, and the nervous strain affected me, as it has +often done since, in such a way that there was a singing in my ears and +dark spots swam before my eyes. Wherever I looked there appeared to my +horror a dark blot, and, full of anxiety, I thought that perhaps this +was already the beginning of the curse. I dared not look at Susanna any +more for fear of throwing the black spot on her, and at last I could not +forbear looking at the floor where I stood to see if there were possibly +burnt marks under my feet. I thought of the sea-sprite, who in Vaagen's +church had enticed the minister's daughter to go with him, and whose +instinct had driven him out of church during the blessing, whereas I was +condemned to stand. + +After the promise was given, I remember only dimly that another +discourse was pronounced and more hymns were sung. + +When I once more found myself upon the way home with my father, who with +an anxious look supported me, my last recollection of the whole thing +was that Susanna, who I suppose discovered that I was ill, had towards +the end of the service looked at me with just the same expression as the +lady with the rose had done that very morning--quiet, pale, sorrowful, +like one who would be glad to help, but could not. + +I think that what my father had said to me about not disgracing him +before the minister contributed not a little to the fact that I kept up +to the last; for I fainted as soon as we got home and was put to bed, +while my father, who had now become seriously alarmed, immediately sent +an express messenger for the doctor. + +When he came the next day, he found me in wild delirium. My fancy +overflowed, like a river from which all dams are removed, with a stream +of the wildest conceptions. It seemed to me that dreadful forms danced +and nodded round the bed, and among them one with a long letter of +condemnation, with a seal under it, and that Anne Kvæn was there, +rolling glittering eyes, while now and again Susanna looked at me with a +glance full of pain, as if it were not in her power to hinder my +perdition. + +From what I learned afterwards, the doctor at first thought it was a +nervous fever, but from certain symptoms and the nature of my ravings, +concerning which Anne Kvæn, who probably had her own thoughts on the +subject, thought it necessary to inform him, he quite changed his +opinion. He had attended my poor mother in her mental illness, and now +found the same fancy about the lady and the rose, and the same dread of +evil spirits in me the son. + + * * * * * + +Three weeks later I was quite well again, though pale and exhausted by +the long nervous paroxysms. The whole millstone weight of sin was, as it +were, gone from my bosom, and I went to the altar without the smallest +scruple. + +And I felt quite a dignified person when, on the following Sunday, I +went on a confirmation visit to the parsonage in my black dress-coat. On +this occasion Susanna sat--perhaps a little on show on my account--like +a grown-up lady at her own work-table in the window-seat. When her +mother went out of the room to fetch red-currant wine and cakes, I, at a +sign from her, had hastily to look at her precious work-table with all +the drawers, both those above and those that appeared below when she +pushed the upper drawers away. In one of these last, which she opened +with an arch look, but shut again like lightning as her mother came in, +lay the brass ring with glass stones in it that I had once given her, +and I recognised two or three old scraps of letters dating from the time +when we were children. + +When I went away it was with a beating heart, for I had unexpectedly an +interview in which Susanna's true feeling had been revealed to me more +clearly than it could have been by any verbal assurance. + +It struck me that something must lately have happened at home, for the +curt, cold way in which my father used to treat me was wonderfully +changed. For instance, he made me a present of a double-barrelled gun in +a sealskin case, and a watch, and he proposed that during the days +before my going away Jens and the four-oared boat should be at my +disposal as often as I wished to go out shooting or fishing. + +I understood what had happened when the doctor one day made his +appearance, and asked me to go up with him to my room. + +The broadly-built, bald, little doctor, in his homespun coat, and +steel-rimmed spectacles on his snub-nose, was one of the hardy people of +our fjord districts who glory in going out in all kinds of weather. You +always saw him in the best of spirits when he had just been out in +stormy weather. He was a decided and clear-headed man, whose manner +involuntarily inspired confidence, and he also possessed a warmth and +open-heartedness that made him, when he chose, very winning. He was the +doctor both at our house and the parsonage, and a confidential friend of +both families. + +When we came up to my room, he told me to sit down and listen to him, +while he himself, as usual, made out a route on the floor, where, with +his hands behind him, he could walk up and down while he talked. + +He had, he said, considered carefully whether he should conceal from me +what he had on his mind, or speak out as he was now doing, but had +decided on the latter course, as my recovery depended upon my being +perfectly clear as to what it was I was suffering from. My last illness +had, partly at any rate, been an outbreak of a disposition to insanity, +which he knew lay in the family on my mother's side for several +generations back. That this outbreak had now taken place in me was +certainly due to the fact that I had given myself up to all kinds of +imaginary influences, in conjunction with the idle life which he knew I +had always led at home. The only certain means for stopping the +development of this disposition was work with a fixed, determined end in +view--for instance, study--which he thought I showed an ability for, and +in addition a healthy life--walks, hunting, fishing, companions and +interests; but no more idleness, no more exciting novels, no more +unhealthy dreams. He had talked to my father upon the subject, and +recommended that I should go to the training college at Trondenæs as a +fitting preparation for study, and as a measure that would also afford +the necessary interruption to my present life. + +When the doctor soon after left me, I remained sitting in my room, +serious and much moved. + +That I had thus become transparent to myself, and had solved my own +riddle, was an extraordinary relief to me--I may say it was an episode +in my life. + +The feeling of being mentally ill, which had always, as long as I could +remember, lain a silent pressure, a foreboding of unhappiness, in the +background of my mind--although dissipated in the brighter summer-time +of my companionship with Susanna--was therefore no sin, no burden of +crime, no dark mysterious exception in me from every other natural order +of things, but only a disease, actually only a disease, which was to be +treated with a correspondingly natural treatment! + +I had never thought that any one could be as glad to hear that he was +mad, or at any rate that there was danger of his becoming so, as +over-good news; but now I know that such a thing can be. + +I prayed now, as it seemed for the first time in my life, really, +confidently, and trustfully to God, to whom I stood in the same relation +as every one else, or, if there were any difference, even nearer, +because I was a poor, sick creature. + +I felt as if God's sun had shone out upon me after a long, weary, rainy +day. I prayed for myself, for Susanna, for my father; and in the +enjoyment of this new condition of security I went on to pray first for +every single person at home, then for those at the parsonage, then for +the clerk, and at last, for want of others, as we do in church, for "all +who are sick and sorrowful," among whom, with a glad heart, I now +classed myself. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +_AT THE CLERK'S_ + + +It was only two days before I was to start for Trondenæs in a vessel +which was lying ready to go north. + +While I was irresolutely considering every possible means of getting a +last talk with Susanna before I started, there came a message from the +clerk to say that I must be sure to come out to him the next day at +eleven o'clock precisely; he would not be at home later. + +The same morning that the message came Susanna had been at the clerk's. +Without saying a word, she sat down at the table with her face buried in +her arms. + +When the alarmed clerk pressed the "child of his heart"--as he called +her in his concern--for an explanation, she at length lifted up a +tear-stained face to him, and said she was crying because she was so +very, very unhappy. + +"But why, dear Susanna?" + +"Because," burst suddenly on his ear, "I love David, and he loves me, +and we are engaged; but no one must know it except you--and you will not +betray us?" + +With this last question she threw herself weeping upon the neck of the +stunned and bewildered clerk, who in his heart was already won over, +long before he had made out what it was he was undertaking. + +He replaced Susanna in her chair, talked to her and comforted her until +he had matured in his own mind the sensible reply, that we ought to look +upon the coming two years of separation as trial years, and therefore, +during that time, we ought not to write to one another. Only, he had to +promise in return that we should meet the next morning at his house for +a few moments, for a last farewell, and that, during the time I was +away, he should tell her everything he heard about me. + +When I came to him the next day, I found him sitting on a wooden chair, +very serious and thoughtful, with his arms supported on his knees, and +staring down at the floor, which was strewn with juniper, as if for a +grand occasion. My arrival did not seem to disturb his reflections, +although a little nod when I entered showed me that at any rate I was +noticed. He swung his violin slowly backwards and forwards before his +knees, with a gentle twang of the strings at each swing, so that it +sounded like a far-off church bell. His gentle grey eyes rested on me +with a pondering, critical gaze, as if he were really looking at me now +for the first time, and a faint smile showed that the examination had +not a bad result. + +A little while after, a shadow crossed the doorway, and to my surprise +Susanna came in. She came quickly up to me, blushing, and took my hand, +saying: + +"Dear David, the clerk knows everything; he has given us leave to say +good-bye here." + +"Yes, children, I have," said the clerk, "but only for a few moments, +because Susanna begged so hard for it, and also that you may both hear +my opinion of the whole thing after thinking it over." + +He now made a little speech, in which he said that he did not see +anything very wrong in our loving one another, although we were indeed +absurdly young. He hoped, too--and he had thought a great deal about +it--that our not revealing our engagement to our parents was excusable, +as they would scarcely even look at the matter as really serious, and we +might feel hurt. He did not intend to be a receiver of secret +love-letters, as Susanna had asked him, and that both for his own sake +and for ours, because we ought to use the approaching two years of trial +to see if there really were any truth in our love, or if it were only a +childish fancy of the kind that afterwards evaporates. + +With these words the old clerk good-naturedly left the room. + +When we were alone, Susanna told me in a whisper why she had ventured to +confide in the clerk. She had heard at home that in his youth he had +once been disappointed in love, and that that was the reason why he had +never married, and had become so strange. Then in eager haste she drew +out of her pocket--she still wore her old, short, blue-checked, +every-day dress, but her hair "in grown-up fashion"--a cross of small, +blue beads. She also drew from her pocket a silk cord which I was to +wear round my neck nearest my heart. + +With some further trouble she produced from the pocket that contained so +much, a small pair of scissors. With these she cut off a curl of my +hair, just that black one on the temple, that she had long had her eye +upon, she said, and which she meant to keep in her confirmation locket. +When I asked for one of hers that I "had long had my eye upon," she said +it was not necessary, as the bead cross she had given me was threaded on +her own hair. + +Then there was something I must promise her, which she had thought out +while she sat sewing at home, for she thought of so much then. It was, +that when I became a student, I should give her a gold engagement ring +with the inscription "David and Susanna" on one half of the inside, and +on the other half there should be "like David and Jonathan." It was the +disagreement between our parents that had made her think of this. + +"But," she broke off, "you are not listening to me, David?" + +And, indeed, I was thinking about something else, and that was, whether +I dared give her a farewell kiss: I remembered last summer out among the +Vætte Rocks. + +At that moment there was a scraping of feet on the doorstep outside, +which meant that the clerk thought our interview must soon come to an +end, and, to my disappointment, Susanna hastened to hide the presents, +which I still held in my hand, in my breast pocket. She had just done +this when the clerk came in, and said that now we must say good-bye to +one another. + +Susanna looked at the clerk, and then, pale, and with eyes full of +tears, at me, as if the thought that we were to part now struck her for +the first time. She made a quick movement--she evidently wanted to throw +her arms round my neck, but restrained herself, because the clerk was +present. + +So she only took my hand, lifted it to her lips without saying a word +and hurried away. + +It was more than I could bear, and I think it was too much for the old +clerk too. He walked up and down, gently twanging his violin strings, +while I, at the table, let my tears flow freely. + +Before I left he played a beautiful little piece which he had composed +when he was twenty. It touched me deeply, because I felt as if it were +written about Susanna and me; it echoed long after in my mind, so that I +learnt it by heart. + +"There is a continuation of it," said he, when he had ended, and +then--after a short pause as of sad recollection--"but it is not very +cheerful, and is not suitable for you!" + +The next morning early, when the yacht sailed, a handkerchief was waved +from the drawing-room window in the parsonage, and, in answer, a glazed +hat was lifted on board. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +_TRONDENÆS_ + + +On a naze to the north of Hind Island in Sengen lies Trondenæs church +and parsonage. The latter was a royal palace in Saint Olaf's time, and +Thore Hund's brother Siver lived there. Bjark Island, where Thore Hund +had his castle, is only a few miles off. + +The church itself is in many respects a remarkable historical monument. +Its two towers, of which one was square and covered with copper, and had +an iron spire, and the other octagonal, exist only in legends, and of +the famous "three wonderfully high, equal-sized statues" there are only +remains which are to be seen at the west doorway. + +This church was once the most northern border-fortress of Christendom, +and stood grandly with its white towers, the far-echoing tones of its +bells and its sacred song, like a giant bishop in white surplice, who +bore St. Olaf's consecration and altar lights into the darkness among +the Finmark trolls. Its power over men's minds has been correspondingly +deep and great. Thither past generations for miles round have wended in +Sunday dress before other churches were built up there. If the soapstone +font which stands in the choir could enumerate the names of those +baptised at it, or the altar the bridal pairs that have been married +there, or the venerable church itself tell what it knew, we should hear +many a strange tale. + +Protestantism has plundered the church there as elsewhere; remains of +its painted altar-shrines are found as doors to the peasants' cupboards, +and what was most imposing about the building is in ruins. But the work +of destruction could not be carried farther. The old Roman Catholic +church feeling surrounds it to a certain extent to this day, with the +old legends that float around it, and is kept up by the foreign +paintings in the choir, by the mystical vaults, and by all the ruins, +which the Nordlander's imagination builds up into indistinct grandeur. +The poor man there is, moreover, a Catholic in no small degree in his +religious mode of thought and in his superstition. It comes quite +naturally to him, in deadly peril, to promise a wax candle to the +church, or to offer prayer to the Virgin Mary. He knows well enough that +she is dethroned, but nevertheless he piously includes her in his +devotions. + +I dwell upon the memories of this church and its surroundings, because +during the two years I stayed at Trondenæs I was so strongly influenced +by their power over the imagination. The hollow ground with the supposed +underground vaults were to me like a covered abyss, full of mysteries, +and in the church--whose silence I often sought, since it lies, with its +strangely thought-absorbing interior, close to the parsonage, and, as a +rule, stood open on account of the college organ practice--daylight +sometimes cast shadows in the aisles and niches as if beings from +another age were moving about. + +I made great progress in Latin and Greek under the teaching of the +agreeable, well-informed minister, in whose house I lived, and in other +subjects under one of the masters of the college; but in my leisure +hours I sought the spots which gave so much occupation to my fancy, and +therefore Trondenæs was anything but the right place for my diseased +mind. + +My nervous excitability has some connection with the moon's changes as I +have since noticed. At such times the church exercised an almost +irresistible fascination over me; I stole there unnoticed and alone, and +would sit for hours lost in thought over one thing and another, +indistinct creations of my imagination, and among them Susanna's light +form, which sometimes seemed to float towards me, without my ever being +quite able to see her face. + +It was late in the spring of the second year I was at Trondenæs, that +one midday, being under the influence of one of these unhealthy moods, I +sat in the church on a raised place near the high altar, meditating, +with Susanna's blue cross in my hand. + +My eye fell on a large dark picture on the wall beside the altar, which +I had often seen, but without its having made any special impression on +me. It represented in life-size a martyr who has been cast into a +thorn-bush; the sharp thorns, as long as daggers, pierced his body in +all directions, and he could not utter a complaint, because one great +sharp thorn went into his throat and out at his open mouth. + +The expression of this face struck me all at once as terrible. It +regarded me with a look of silent understanding, as though I were a +companion in suffering, and would have to lie there when its torments +had at last come to an end. It was impossible to remove my eyes from the +picture; it seemed to become alive, now coming quite near, now going far +away into a darkness that my own dizzy head created. + +It was as though in this picture the curtain was drawn aside from a part +of my own soul's secret history, and it was only by an effort of will, +called forth by a fear of becoming too far absorbed into my own fancy, +that I succeeded in tearing myself away from it. + +When I turned, there stood in the light that fell from the window near +the front pew, the lady with the rose. She wore an expression of +infinite sadness, as though she knew well the connection between me and +the picture, and as if the briar-spray in her hand were only a miniature +of the thorn-bush in which yonder martyr lay. + +In the lonely stillness of the church a panic came over me, an +inexpressible terror of unseen powers, and I fled precipitately. + +When I got outside, I discovered that I had lost Susanna's blue cross. +It could only be in the church on the step where I had been sitting. At +that moment, while my heart was still throbbing with terror, I would not +have gone back again into the church for anything in the world--except +Susanna's blue cross. I found it, when I carefully searched the floor +where I had been sitting. + +The second time during these years that my nervous system gave evidence +of its unsoundness was late in the autumn, a month or two before I was +to go home. + +A peasant, who had gone in to see the minister, had fastened his horse, +which was wall-eyed, to the churchyard wall. I began to look at it; and +the recollection of its dead, expressionless glance followed me for the +rest of the day. It seemed to me as if its eyes, instead of looking out, +looked inwards into a world invisible to me, and as if it would be +quite natural if it forgot to obey the reins, and left the ordinary +highway for the road to Hades, along which the dead are travelling. + +With this in my mind, I sat that afternoon in the parsonage where people +were talking of all kinds of things, and there suddenly appeared before +me a home face, pale and with a strained look, and soon after I could +see that the man to whom it belonged was striving desperately to climb +up from the raging surf on to a rock. It was no other than our man +Anders. He fixed his dull, glassy eyes upon me as he struggled, +apparently hindered from saving himself by something down at his feet, +which I could not see. He looked as if he wanted to tell me something. +The vision only lasted a moment; but a torturing almost unbearable +feeling, that in the same moment some misfortune was befalling us at +home, drove me from the room to wander restlessly in the fields for the +rest of the day. + +When I came back they asked me what had been the matter, that I had so +suddenly turned deadly pale and hurried from the room. + +A fortnight later there came a sad letter from home. My father's yacht, +the _Hope_, which, after the custom of those days, was not insured, and +was loaded for the most part with fish, which my father had bought at +his own cost, had been wrecked on the way from Bergen in a storm on +Stadt Sea. The ship had sprung a leak, and late in the afternoon had to +be run ashore. The crew had escaped with their lives, but our man Anders +had had both legs broken. + +This shipwreck gave the first decided blow to my father's fortune. The +second was to come towards the end of the following year, in the loss of +another yacht, the _Unity_; and the third blow, with more important +results, was struck when it was at last decided by Government that our +trading station was not to be a stopping-place for steamers. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +_AT HOME_ + + +In December I was once more at home, where I found everything outwardly +the same as of old, only, possibly by reason of what had passed, still +quieter and sadder. My father was restlessly active, but not very +communicative. He probably did not consider me fitted to share his +anxieties. + +Susanna, who, like myself, was now over nineteen years of age, was on a +visit at a house some miles away and was to come home at Christmas. My +longing for her was indescribable. + +It was during the last dark, stormy week before Christmas, that the +Spanish brig _Sancta Maria_ was driven by the weather in to our station, +in a rather damaged condition, which, with the poor labour we could +command, resulted in her having to lie under repair for nearly six +weeks. + +The captain, who owned both ship and cargo, was a tall, sallow, +becomingly-dressed Spaniard, with iron-grey hair, black eyes, and large +features. With him was his son, Antonio Martinez, a handsome young man +with an olive-brown face and fiery eyes like his father's. + +My father, who had done Señor Martinez considerable service in the +getting in the cargo, now invited him, with Nordland hospitality, to put +up at our house. + +Although the intercourse between us could not be very lively, as the +foreigners only understood a few Norwegian words and were often obliged +to have recourse to a phrase-book, it was soon evident that they were +both very agreeable men. Their principal occupation consisted in making +and smoking cigarettes the whole day, and in superintending the work on +the brig. + +The dark season has a depressing effect upon the spirits of many in the +North, especially on those days when there is very little to do. Thus, +during Christmas, and especially on Christmas Eve, my father used to be +excessively melancholy. While gaiety filled the whole house, and the +smartly-dressed servants kept Christmas round the kitchen table, which +was adorned with treble-branched candlesticks, he generally sat shut up +in the office with his own thoughts, and would not be disturbed by any +one. + +This Christmas Eve, however, he was in the parlour for a while, on Señor +Martinez's account; but he was silent and dejected the whole time, as if +he were only longing for his solitary office, to which, moreover, he +retired directly after supper. + + + + +CHAPTER IX + +_THE CHRISTMAS VISIT_ + + +About Christmas-time that winter in our part of Lofoten there were a +number of foreigners, mostly ships' captains, who, on account of bad +weather or damage to their vessels, were staying at different places on +shore, as Martinez was with us. There were also notabilities from the +south on public business. One result of this was a number of social +gatherings, in which the hosts vied with one another in open +hospitality. + +On the third New Year's day [The 3rd of January.] we were invited to +dinner and a ball at the house of the wealthy magistrate, Röst, where +some of the gentlemen from the south were staying for the time. It was +only a journey of a mile and a half [Between ten and eleven English +miles.] for us, but many had six or eight miles to go, and the greater +part of that by sea. + +Röst's large rooms could accommodate a great number of guests, but this +time, in order to put up for the night all those invited, he had had to +take a neighbouring house in addition. + +In proceeding with the account of this visit, which was to be so +eventful and exciting for me, I have promised myself to be short, and +shall thus omit many a feature and many an outline that belongs to a +more detailed representation of the life in Nordland. + +According to the invitation, we were to dine at three, but most of the +boats made their appearance two or three hours in advance of that time. +While the ladies were dressing upstairs, the gentlemen assembled in an +intentionally dimly-lighted room, where they could take a "mouthful" and +a dram, which were very acceptable after the journey. They were also +made acquainted with one another by the careful host. + +We waited long and in vain for the minister and his ladies, and at last +had to go to table without them. + +The doors of the large, brilliantly-lighted dining-room were now thrown +open, the guests streamed upstairs, and, after much stopping in the +doorway and long polite disputes over the order of precedence, took +their places round the great loaded horse-shoe table, that glittered +gaily with a compact row of wine bottles, treble-branched candlesticks, +high cake-dishes, and, especially up by the place of honour, a perfect +heap of massive silver plate. Three places were reserved for the +minister and his family up by the notabilities. My father sat by Señor +Martinez at the principal table, and I, in modesty, farther down at one +of the side tables. + +The dinner was of that good, old, genial sort which is now unfortunately +going more and more out of fashion. It is true, people ate with their +knives and knew nothing about silver forks; but on the other hand there +was real happiness in the gathering, and it formed the subject of many +an entertaining conversation for long after. + +At first, while we were still chilled by the cold feeling of the white +cloth, and awed by the festal atmosphere, it was indeed very stiff. +Neighbours scarcely ventured to whisper to one another, and the young +ladies in ball-dresses, who, as if by a magnetic cohesion, were all +together, sat for a long time in a row in deep, embarrassed silence, +like a hedge of blue, red, and white flowers, in which no bird dared +sing. + +The dinner began by the host bidding his guests welcome. He next +proposed in succession the healths of the notabilities present in rather +long, prepared speeches, which were responded to by them. + +After this everyone felt that they had passed over the official +threshold to enjoyment. + +The host, with lightened heart, now entered upon the much shorter and +simpler toasts for the absent, among whom, first and foremost, was the +"good minister and his family." Several besides myself noticed that my +father left his glass untouched at this toast. + +In the meantime the courses went round, and as the level of the wine in +the bottles sank, the gaiety rose. Many a quick, sharp brain that here +found its own ground now came to the fore, and the falling hail of jests +and witty and amusing sayings--the last generally in the form of stories +with a point that was sometimes, perhaps, rather coarse--gave a lively +impression of the peculiar Nordland humour. + +It was only what, at that time, usually happened at parties, when the +company leave the table, that there were a few who could not rise from +their chairs, and others who, as a result of the attempt, were +afterwards missing. Among the latter I was unfortunately classed. + +The impression of the moment has always had a great power over me, and, +unaccustomed as I was both to this kind of gaiety and to strong drink, I +had surrendered myself without a thought to the mirth that buzzed around +me. I think I never laughed so much in my whole life together as I did +at that dinner-table. Nearly opposite to me sat the red-haired merchant +Wadel, with his long, dryly comical face, firing off one witticism after +another, and at my side whispered the hump-backed clerk Gram, who was +famed for his cleverness, and feared for his biting tongue. His sharp +remarks upon the different people who sat at the table, grew in +ill-nature as he drank, and if his words had been heard, the expression +of many a beaming face would certainly have changed. I believe, also, +that he took a secret pleasure in trying to make me intoxicated; at any +rate he was unwearied in filling my glass, especially when the heating +wines began to go round. His quick, sharp snake's-eyes and a few +whispered words directed my now thoroughly beclouded attention to many a +comical scene around me. + +At length it seemed to me that the room and the table were going up and +down, as if we were sitting in a large cabin in rough weather. I also +remember indistinctly that afterwards in the moving room we squeezed +past each other, round the table, between the wall and the chairs, in +two opposite streams, and thanked our hosts for the dinner. [It is a +Norwegian custom to shake hands with and thank the host and hostess, +after a meal, for the hospitality of which one has partaken. Children in +the same way always thank their parents.] + +After all this I remember nothing, until I awoke, in total darkness, as +if out of a heavy confused dream, and felt that I was lying in a soft +eider-down bed. Little by little all that had passed dawned upon my +recollection, and I comprehended that I had been put to bed in one of +the guest-chambers in the neighbouring house. + +While I lay pondering over this, and feeling intensely unhappy, the +elder Señor Martinez came in with a candle in his hand to look after me. +It then appeared that it was past two o'clock in the morning, and to the +circumstance that I had thus slept six or seven hours in succession I +probably owed the fact that I no longer felt any physical indisposition; +but morally I suffered all the more from a feeling of shame. + +As far as I could understand, as I dressed myself, the house had been +turned into a perfect lazaretto for the same class of fallen after +dinner as myself, and among them I noticed, with a kind of revengeful +joy, Gram the clerk, my hump-backed mischievous neighbour. + +Señor Martinez made known to me, by all kinds of spirited +gesticulations, that dancing was now going on briskly, and that I must +join the dancers. + +The thought that Susanna must have come long ago, and must have been +waiting in vain, shot like lightning through my mind. How I could have +forgotten her, though even for an instant, was a riddle; but the fact +that I had done so weighed heavily upon me. + +The dining-room was now transformed into a ball-room, and dancing had +already been going on merrily for several hours to the sound of violin, +clarionet, and violoncello. At an opportune moment, in the middle of a +dance, I slipped in unnoticed. + +At first, as I stood in my tight white kid gloves, pale and embarrassed, +down by the open door through which the heat streamed out into the cold +passage like a mist, I suffered very much from the feeling that every +one would look at me and remember my unseemly behaviour. + +Couple after couple glided past, so near that the ladies' dresses +touched me, and gradually I began, as far as my near sight would allow, +to find my bearings in the room. + +The minister's wife sat on the sofa, farthest up among some elderly +ladies, in earnest conversation with the little bald doctor. + +The minister was probably playing cards downstairs; but of Susanna I saw +nothing. + +At the upper end of the room, young Martinez, with a beaming face, was +just dancing a polka with a strikingly beautiful girl dressed in white, +with a fluttering blue ribbon round her waist. She had thick beautiful +hair of a shade nearly golden, with a large silver pin like a dart run +through it, and a light wreath. The lady was taller and fuller in figure +than Susanna, but with a certain grace that reminded me of her. The +light, almost fashionably delicate way in which she placed her small +feet in dancing--it was as though she floated--also resembled Susanna, +and I therefore followed the pair with unconscious interest. + +My short sight prevented me from distinguishing well, and as they passed +me, the lady's bent head was hidden by her own arm, which rested +confidingly on the shoulder of the evidently happy Martinez. What I saw +was only a broad, pure, innocent brow, which could belong to but one +person in the world, and that an escaped lock of hair played upon the +round white shoulder. + +I felt my knees tremble. This tall, elegant, distinguished lady could +never be Susanna! + +With a feeling of jealousy I watched the pair intently until the next +time they came by. When just opposite to me the lady raised her eyes, +her glance fell upon me, and a deep blush suddenly overspread her face +and neck right down to the lace edging on her dress. + +It was Susanna! + +During the scarcely more than two years that we had been separated her +beauty had developed wonderfully. The tender seventeen-year-old girl-bud +had developed into a splendid full-grown woman. + +The pair sat down at the top of the room near the row of elderly ladies. + +I saw next that these two were going through the last long-dance of the +ball, the cotillon, which is generally varied by an endless number of +figures, and the thought darted through my mind, that probably young +Martinez had been winning favour with Susanna the whole evening, since +he was now her partner in this particular dance. I noticed how the +minister's wife paid him marked attention, and I reflected bitterly that +he was both a rich man, and also, though shorter in stature, looked much +more grown-up and manly than I. + +A knife seemed to go through my heart. I had been lying intoxicated, +like a beast, and allowed a stranger to take Susanna from me. + +With wild jealousy I noticed how the handsome Martinez, dumb, but +speaking with his dark, fiery eyes, was trying, amid laughter and all +kinds of lively nods and gestures, to explain to Susanna a new figure +which was just going to begin, how he sometimes bent over her, as if +whispering confidentially, and how she, from her seat, looked up at him +and laughed merrily, as only Susanna could laugh. He took her hand and +made her try the step on the floor in front of their seats, and this +seemed to be even more amusing. + +Young Martinez evidently engrossed her, and I feared she perhaps thought +our old relations were only childish fancies, which as a grown-up woman +she now wished forgotten. She might consider that after our agreement +about the two trial years, everything between us was to be at an end, so +that, as grown-up people we could talk and laugh over the whole affair +without misunderstanding each other. + +My blood boiled, and I felt that I must revenge myself. Before I had +quite considered how, I began, with a sudden inspiration, to converse +eagerly with Merchant R.'s pretty daughter, who happened to be standing +close to me, so that it might appear as if I were paying court to her. + +When presently Susanna passed us in the new figure, she looked in a +wondering, questioning way at me. The next time she passed, she +inadvertently dropped her handkerchief just at the place where I stood. +I picked it up, went up the room, and stiffly handed it to the +minister's wife, who--in consequence either of my behaviour at the +dinner-table, or of something else--received me with marked reserve and +coldness. I bowed as coldly to her, and then returned to my old place, +where I resumed the interrupted lively conversation with Miss R. + +Shortly after, Susanna again came past, and this time looked at me with +a serious, but uncertain expression, as if she could not quite make up +her mind what to think; after that she purposely dropped her eyes every +time she passed me. + +I discovered to my satisfaction that Martinez really danced clumsily. +While I talked with forced gaiety to my pretty companion, I was secretly +tempted, all unnoticed, to put out my foot, a little ill-naturedly, so +that he should trip over it. And I do not quite know how it happened, +but the next time Martinez passed, he fell full length on the floor, and +must have hurt himself considerably; in falling, however, he was gallant +enough to let go the support he might have had in his partner, so that +Susanna only half fell. + +He rose, and looked angrily at me, the innocent cause of the mishap, who +was apparently too much engrossed in my neighbour to have even noticed +what was going on. The look he received in return for his, however, +revealed to him, though involuntarily, the whole truth; for he was in +the act of rushing at me, when he was unexpectedly stopped by Susanna, a +trifle pale, stepping in front of him, and, with the bearing of a woman +of the world, quietly stretching out her hand for him to conduct her +farther. + +As Susanna went arm in arm up the room with the limping Martinez, she +suddenly turned her face to me with a look so beaming with joy, that +from deep despair I was suddenly raised to the happiest, most exulting +certainty. + +She had evidently understood that Martinez's misfortune was an act of +revenge on my part, for her sake, and her mind was thereby relieved of +the doubt which my conduct for the last hour must have occasioned her; +for she had soon seen that I was not intoxicated, and coquetry was a +thing too far from her own sincere, truthful nature for her to be able +to imagine it in me. In perfect truthfulness, she was really only a +refined, feminine edition of her father's strong nature. + +I went and made repeated apologies to young Martinez for my awkwardness, +while Susanna sat by and listened, and at length, good-natured as in +reality he was, he consented to be appeased. His face did grow rather +long when, immediately after, Susanna proposed that I should lead her +through the figure now going on, so that he could rest his injured leg +for the next. + +Yes, I danced with her, a beautiful, full-grown woman in the white +ball-dress, whom a short while ago I had not recognised, because her own +splendidly developed beauty hid her. + +We had taught one another to dance, and I think we both danced unusually +well. The light wreath with its delicate white flowers, set off the +beauty of her luxuriant hair; my arm was round her waist, and I felt how +yieldingly she leant upon me, happy and trusting as a child, as we +swayed in the dance. Her forehead was near my lips, and as our eyes +sought each other's during the dance, they said again and again, how +delightful it was to meet, when we had longed so for one another for two +whole years. + +When I took her back to her place I received a pressure of the hand and +a look, which made me completely invulnerable to the less friendly +glances of her mother. It appeared that Susanna was then reprimanded for +her neglect of the young Señor Martinez, but the doctor, who sat beside +her, spoke in her defence. + +I stood once more in my old place, and saw Susanna and Martinez go +through the next figure. + +Her curling lip showed at first a trace of the old childish defiance +after reproof; but soon her expression became more tranquil and +thoughtful. + +Taken up as I was with the sight of her; and possibly weak after the +many and varied emotions I had experienced, I suddenly felt the +oppressive, uneasy sense of terror and misfortune come over me, which +generally accompanies my visions. I attempted to leave the room, but the +vision was upon me before I could do so. + +I saw Susanna's face while she danced with Martinez, as white as that of +a strikingly beautiful corpse, and the green wreath with the small white +flowers hung in her hair like wet sea-grass. It seemed as if water were +streaming down her. + +The blood rushed to my heart; the room was now dark, amid sparks from +thousands of lights, going round before my eyes with the dancing pair. + +I should certainly have fainted at the door, had not the doctor taken me +by the arm, and led me out into the cool passage, and from thence into a +little guest-chamber, where he made me drink some water and lie down on +the bed. + +When he came back, half an hour after the attack, and saw that I had +recovered, he sat down by me on the bed, gentle and friendly, and began +in his sincere way to speak out, as he said. + +As he thoughtfully unravelled with the snuffers the wick of the candle +which he had in his hand, having taken it from the dressing-table, in +order, I suppose, to observe me, he said he had noticed me this evening, +from the time I came into the room, and thought that my fancy inclined +to the beautiful Susanna L., but that I was jealous of young Martinez. +He had also heard a little bird sing about this before. + +It was a feeling which many young people would only be the better for +and be developed by, but for me, with my mental disposition, this kind +of exciting idea was harmful in the highest degree; he had, he gently +added, unfortunately had experience of this in the case of my own poor +mother; for her discovery, in my childhood, that I had inherited her +mental disease, had only been the accidental cause of her loss of +reason. + +As a physician and a friend he would now say this, while he thought +there was still time for me to prevent this fancy taking root. And he +would say it not only for my own sake, but also for Susanna's, for he +was very fond of her, and would very unwillingly see her led into what, +from a human point of view, could only end in sorrow. + +One thing I must consider, he continued--after a long pause, during +which he seemed to be considering whether he should say all he had to +say, and finally decided upon doing so--and that was, that my +unfortunate hereditary disposition did not allow of my thinking of +marriage; it might, he went on with a gesture, as if performing a last, +decisive operation on the candle, even be regarded in the same light as +if a leper married without heeding that he thereby transmitted his +disease to his children. I must not, however--here he rose and laid his +hand consolingly on my shoulder--take these things too much to heart. +The most bitter remedies--and unfortunately the truth was such--are +generally the wholesomest, and for my sick, dreaming nature, he thought, +after earnest, mature consideration, that the unvarnished truth was the +only means of giving health and salvation. + +After once more holding up the candle over me, he retired with, a +serious nod; be could easily see that for the moment I was not in a +condition to carry on any conversation, or give him any answer. + +It was, in all friendliness, the death-blow to all my dreams and +illusions. + +I felt stunned by the blow, although my inward understanding had not yet +taken it in clearly. My life's old foreboding of misfortune was now at +last confirmed. Susanna had therefore, for me, been but borrowed +sunshine now, and my hopes were to be extinguished for ever. + +I lay perfectly calm, rather seeing this with my mind's eye than +thinking it, while the music sounded faintly from the ball-room, and +little by little I felt myself with a dull pain die away, as it were, +from everything that was dear to me in the world. My body seemed to +stiffen under the sorrow, and Susanna's face, without a gleam of life in +it, stood before me like something unnatural: my love was a dead +history. + +As I still lay in a dull, motionless stupor, through which everything +without appeared to me in a half mist, the door opened, and a lady came +in. She began hastily to repair with pins before the mirror a rent in +her dress, but suddenly stopped, alarmed at seeing some one in the +half-darkness lying on the bed. + +I recognised Susanna, and, as it seemed to me, something told her that +it must be I who lay there, for she approached as if to see, and +whispered my name. + +She probably thought I was asleep, as no answer came, and that it was +neither right nor the time to wake me. She stood by me for a moment as +if considering, then bent over me till I felt her warm breath, gently +kissed my forehead, and went out. + + * * * * * + +A Christmas visit in northern districts generally lasts a couple of +days, often more. But, as my father and the Martinezes had so much to do +and our house was not very far, we were to go home as early as the next +evening, while most of the others were to wait until the following day. + +The minister's family, however, were to remain as guests, together with +the "notabilities," to the end of the week. In the meantime, as, early +the next day, the minister and his wife were going to call on a family +in the neighbourhood, Susanna had to stay at the magistrate's house. + +I, like the other guests, had not risen until far on in the morning, but +in my brain during all the time Dr. K.'s words about my position being +like that of a leper had throbbed as a boil, growing harder and more +painful with my changing ideas on the subject, until all at once their +meaning stood clear with its whole sting before me. + +I loved Susanna a thousand times more than myself, and should I +selfishly wish to unite her fate to a man who was insane, only because +that man was myself? And perhaps my mental condition would grow worse as +time went on. + +I began to feel within me a pious courage for self-sacrifice, and with +it came calm, soothing peacefulness. When all was said and done, it was +really the best thing I could think of, to give my life for Susanna, and +this thought at last inspired me with an almost fanatical wish to do so. + +My mind was made up; and my plan was the simple one of speaking out +decidedly and clearly to her; for I would not for all the world deceive +her in any way. + +It was in the afternoon, in the twilight, while the others were out for +a walk, that I found an opportunity of talking to her alone. + +That day Susanna had on a black silk dress which fitted her to +perfection, a lace collar and narrow sleeves with cuffs at the wrists. +Her hair was fastened with a silver arrow as at the ball, but it was her +only ornament. + +She sat thoughtfully listening to me in front of the newly-lighted stove +where we had placed ourselves. Every time she bent forward into the +light from the stove door, it fell upon her expressive face, while I, in +my endeavour to be true, told her, possibly with exaggerated colouring, +all about my mental condition, and what Dr. K. had said. + +As I talked I saw her face growing paler and more and more serious, +until at last, leaning her elbows on her knees, she covered her eyes +with her hands so that I could only see that her lips were trembling and +that she was crying. + +When I came to what the doctor had said about my condition resembling +that of a leper, and that thus God Himself had placed an obstacle in the +way of our union, while I tried consolingly to represent to her that for +the whole of our life, with the exception of the last two years, we had +really loved one another in a different way, like brother and +sister--she suddenly raised her head in wild defiance, so that I could +look straight into her tear-stained face, threw her arms around my neck +and forced me down on my knees in front of her. She pressed my head +close up to her throbbing heart as if she would defend me against all +who wanted to injure me. Then with her hand she stroked the hair back +from my forehead--I felt her tears falling on my face--and she repeated +caressingly again and again as if in delirium, that no one in the world +should take me from her. + +This was too much for my weary, suffering heart; I seized both her hands +in mine and cried over them, with my head in her lap. My weeping grew +more violent, until at last it rose to a desperate, convulsive sobbing, +which I could no longer control, and which thoroughly alarmed Susanna; +for she hushed me, called me by my name, and kissed me like a child, to +quiet me. I felt such a deep need of having my cry out, that it could +not now be stopped. + +When at last I became quieter she once more clasped her hands about my +neck, as if to compel my attention, bent forward, and looked long into +my eyes with an expression both persuasively eloquent and strong-willed +in her beautiful, agitated face. I must believe, she at last assured me +with the quick movement of her head, with which she always emphasised +her words, that concerning ourselves she knew a thousand times better +than any doctor what God would have, and in this we ought to obey God +and not a doctor's human wisdom. And I was in many things so intensely +simple-minded, that I could be made to believe anything. + +People like the doctor, she said, had no idea what love was. Had I been +strong and well, it would certainly have been God's will that she should +have shared the good with me, and so it must just as much be His will +that the same love should share my sorrow and sickness; but it was in +this that Dr. K.--he evidently became more and more an object of hatred +to her the longer she discussed him--thought differently from God. +Besides, she believed so surely--and her voice here became wonderfully +gentle and soft, almost a whisper--that just this, as we two were so +fond of one another, would be a better cure for me than anything a +doctor could invent. At any rate, she felt within herself that she would +fall ill and give way to despair if I no longer cared for her, for had +we not cared for each other as long as we could remember, and it was +certainly too late to think of separating us. + +One thing must now be settled--and at the thought her face assumed an +expression of determined will, which reminded me of her father--and that +was that, as soon as possible, she would confide everything about our +engagement to her father. It ought, both for my sake and hers, to be no +longer a secret. Her father was very fond of her, and, if need be, she +would tell him seriously that it would be of no use either for him, or +for anyone else--by this she meant her mother--to try any longer to get +a doctor to separate us by guile. + +Anything like a brotherly and sisterly love between us, as she, with +scornful contempt in her look, expressed it, she would not hear of, +least of all now, and as if entirely to dispel this idea, she stood +upright before me, and asked me, as she looked with passionate eagerness +into my face, to say that we still were, and in spite of everything and +everybody always should remain, faithfully betrothed, even if I never +became so well that we could marry here on earth--and to give her my +kiss upon it. + +I took her in my arms, and kissed her warmly and passionately once, +twice, three times, until she freed herself. + +While she was speaking it had dawned upon me that she, with her strong, +healthy, loving nature, had fought the fight for us both and for a right +that could not, perhaps, be proved in words, but the sanctity of which, +I felt, was beyond all artificial proof. + +Susanna now again belonged to me in another, truer, and more real way +than I had ever dreamt of or suspected, as I comprehended that +everything that could be called chivalrous sacrifice on my side only lay +lower than our love, was even simply an unworthy offence to it. In true +love the cross is borne by both the lovers, and the one who +"chivalrously" wishes to bear it alone, only cheats the other of part of +his best possession. + + * * * * * + +An hour after this interview with Susanna, which ended in renewed vows +and promises, I was sitting in the stern of our ten-oared boat, together +with my father and the two Martinezes, in the dark winter evening, while +the moon was sailing behind a countless number of little grey clouds. + +Father sat in silence and steered, while the men rowed against a rather +stiff breeze which blew up the Sound, so that we might get the wind in +our sails the rest of the way. + +I quietly thought over everything that had passed during this short +visit, and felt infinitely happy. + +We reached home late at night. I tried to keep awake and to think about +Susanna and all she had said to me, but I slept like a log, and awoke +with a feeling of such health, happiness, and joy, as only those know to +whose lot it has fallen to sleep the sleep of the really happy. And thus +it was every night. I fell asleep before my prayers were ended, sang in +the morning, and felt light-hearted almost to reckless gaiety, happy and +ready for work the whole day long. + +This proved how truly Susanna had said that our love would become to me +a spring of health, better than any doctor's human wisdom could devise. + + + + +CHAPTER X + +_THE STORM_ + + +It was late in the afternoon of the Saturday after Twelfth Night that +the terrible two days' storm began, which is still spoken of by many as +one of the most violent that has visited Lofoten within the memory of +man. + +It was fortunate that the fishing had not yet begun--the storm raged +with grey sky, sleet, and tremendous seas from the south-west right up +the West Fjord--or perhaps as large a number of wrecks might have been +heard of as in the famous storm of 1849, when in one day several hundred +boats were lost. This time only a few boats were wrecked on their way to +the fishing, and several yachts and a couple of larger vessels were +stranded. + +The storm increased during the night; we could feel how the house +yielded at each burst, groaning at every joist, and we all sat up and +watched with lights, as if by silent agreement. + +All window-shutters, doors, and openings were carefully closed. The +tiles rattled noisily at each gust, so that we were afraid the roof +would be broken in, and the wind in the chimney made a deep, weird, +growling noise, which in the fiercest attacks on the house sounded like +a loud, horrible monster voice out in the night, sometimes almost like a +wild cry of distress. + +We sat in the sitting-room in a silence that was only now and then +broken by some remark about the weather, or when one or other of the men +came in from making the round of the house to see how things were going +on. + +My father sat in restless anxiety about the store-house, and about his +yacht lying down in the bay, which, because of the heavy seas which came +in, in spite of the harbour's good position, had been trebly moored in +the afternoon. I saw him several times fold his hands as if in prayer, +and then, as if cheered, walk up and down the room for a while, until +anxiety again overcame him, and he sat down looking straight before him, +gloomy and pale as before. + +The storm rather increased than abated. Once we heard a dull thud, which +might well have come from the storehouse. I saw drops of perspiration +standing on my father's forehead, and was deeply pained to see his +anguish of mind, without being able to do anything to help him. + +A little while after he went out into the office with a candle and came +back with an old large-type prayer-book, in which he turned to a prayer +and a hymn to be sung during a storm at sea. + +All the servants without being called, gathered in the parlour for +family worship. + +My father sat with the prayer-book in his great rough hands, which he +had folded on the table before him, between the two candles. First he +read the prayer, and then sang all the verses of the hymn, while those +of us who knew the tune joined by degrees in the refrain. It was +altogether as if we were holding prayers in a ship's cabin while the +vessel was in danger, and my father must have had the idea from some +such scene in his hard youth. During prayers we all thought the storm +abated a little, and that it only began again after they were ended. + +We found the elder Martinez on his knees by his bedside, perpetually +crossing himself before a crucifix. He had less reason for anxiety than +we, for his brig lay with extra moorings under land in a little creek +sheltered from the wind and waves. He very much regretted now, however, +that he had not gone on board to his son and the men. + +Towards morning the storm abated a little, and, tired as we were, we +went to bed, while two of the servants still sat up. + +It was about ten o'clock in the morning, when it began to grow light, +that we could first see the destruction done. Several hundred tiles +from the house roof lay spread over the yard, part of the outer +pannelling of the wall on the windward side was torn away, and the end +of the pier lay on one side down in the sea, a couple of piles having +been displaced by the waves. The storehouse, too, had suffered some +damage. + +Our yacht, however, was most evidently in danger. Two of her ropes had +given way, the anchors having lost their hold, and everything now +depended upon the third and longest rope, which was fastened to the +mooring ring on the rock at the mouth of the bay. There was only the +ship's dog on board, a large white poodle, which stood with its +fore-paws on the stern bulwarks and barked, without our being able to +hear a sound in the wind, while the waves washed over the yacht's bows. + +The situation was desperate, for the long rope was stretched as tight as +a violin string, and the middle of it scarcely touched the water. It was +blowing so hard, too, that a man could hardly stand upright, but was +obliged to creep along the clean-swept snow-field, so that there could +be no thought of helping. + +I had crept up the hill at the back of the house, and stood in the +shelter of a rocky knoll, from which I could see both out over the sea +and down into the bay. + +West Fjord on this wintry day lay as if covered with a silvery grey +smoke from the spray that was driving across the sea. Beneath the cliffs +the waves came in like great, green, foam-topped mountains, breaking on +the shore with a noise like thunder, and then retreating an immense +distance, leaving a long stretch of dry beach. + +At one place, where a rock went perpendicularly down to the sea, a +great, broad jet of spray was sent straight up every time a wave broke, +and was driven in over the land by the wind like smoke. At another place +the waves stormed in a Titanic way a sloping rock, which lay, now in +foam, now high and dry, and I saw a poor exhausted gull, which had +probably got out from its mountain cliff into the wind, fighting and +battling in it, often with its wings almost twisted. + +In anxious suspense I watched the yacht down in the bay. To my +astonishment, I saw a man on board, and recognised the stalwart Jens, +who had ventured out with one of the men, from the windward side, in a +six-oared boat. After a short stay on board he stepped down alone into +the boat with a rope round his waist, and began the dangerous work of +hauling the boat against the waves, along the tight land-rope, out +towards the rock. + +I expected every instant that the boat would fill, and it seemed to me +that the waves washed in several times. As the boat slowly worked its +way along, father and all the servants followed it anxiously with their +eyes, from the beach. + +When Jens had got up on to the rock, over which the waves washed one +after another, so that he often stood in water up to his knees, he +secured the boat, and began to haul in the line, drawing after it +through the water a thick cable, which the man on board was paying out +gradually. He had just begun to fasten it to the mooring ring, and had +only the last two knots in the rope to make, when we all became aware of +three tremendous waves that would infallibly break over the rock. + +Jens's life was evidently in danger, and the yacht too, which, with her +one overstrained rope, would scarcely be able to bear the pressure. + +I saw French Martina, his _fiancée_, clasp her hands above her head and +run out into the surf, almost as if she thought of throwing herself into +the water to go to him, and I think that not one of the others looking +on dared to draw breath. + +It appeared that Jens had noticed the danger himself; he hastened down +to the boat, in which he could still shelter himself, but it was only to +take up from it the line, which he calmly wound several times round his +body and through the mooring ring, as he could no longer rely upon his +own giant strength. + +He had scarcely completed these preparations, when the first wave, which +he faced with bent head, broke right over him and the rock. The interval +before the second came he employed in making another knot in the +land-rope. + +Again came a wave, and again Jens stood firm, and he now made the final +knot in the rope that saved the yacht. + +He had now made trial of what the force of a wave could be. He threw the +line from his back up round his great broad shoulders, turned his strong +pale face towards our house for a moment, as if it were quite possible +that he was now bidding it farewell, and bent his head towards the third +and last wave, which was advancing with a foaming crest, as usual, +larger than its two predecessors. + +When the wave had broken in foam, and gone by, no Jens stood on the +rock. + +I ran down in horror to the others. When I got there, they had +recovered, besides the boat, which had been torn from the rock, the +apparently lifeless body of Jens, and were now carrying it to the house. + +The wave had dragged him along, the line that he had round his shoulders +having slipped up to his neck, and taken clothes and skin with it. He +now lay unconscious from the pressure of the water, and with one arm, +torn and bleeding from the line, in a twisted position: it was laid +bare, at one place even to the bone. + +Father walked with a pale face and supported him while they carried him +up and put him to bed. + +When he recovered consciousness, he began spitting blood, and had a +difficulty in speaking; but father, who examined his chest, said +joyfully that there was no danger. + +By this exploit of saving the yacht Jens became famed as a hero far and +wide; from that day forward, he was one of my father's trusted men, and +in the following summer he and French Martina were married. + + + + +CHAPTER XI + +_CONCLUSION_ + + +I can now calmly write down the little, for me so much, that remains to +be told--for many years it would have been impossible. + +The storm lasted from Saturday midday until Sunday night, when towards +morning the wind gradually subsided into complete stillness, although +the sea continued restless. + +The same day, Monday, at midday, there landed at the parsonage +landing-place, not the minister's white house-boat, that was expected +home, but an ordinary tarred, ten-oared boat, with a number of people in +it. + +From it four of the men slowly bore a burden between them up to the +house, while a big man and a little woman went, bowed down, hand in +hand, after them. It was the minister and his wife. + +I understood at once what had happened, and my heart cried with despair. + +The dreadful message, which came to us directly after, told me nothing +new--it only confirmed my belief that it was the minister's daughter +Susanna they had borne up. + +The parsonage boat had been only a little more than three-quarters of a +mile away from home that Saturday morning when the storm came on so +suddenly. A "windfall" had come down with terrible force from the +mountains into the Sound, and had capsized the boat, which was not far +from land. + +The minister had quickly helped his wife up on to the boat, and the men +held on round the edge, while they drifted before the wind the short +distance in to the shore. But he searched in vain for his child, to find +her and save her. + +With the sea seething round the boat, the strong man three times in his +despair let go his hold in order to swim to the place where he imagined +he saw her in the water. He was going to try again, but his wife, in +great distress, begged his men to hinder him, and they did so. + +They said afterwards that they saw drops of perspiration running down +the minister's forehead, as he lay there on the boat in the wintry-cold +sea, and that they believed he even thought of purposely letting go his +hold that he might follow his daughter. + +Too late they found out that Susanna was under the boat. She had become +entangled in a rope, so that she could not rise to the surface. + +Her death had at any rate been quick and painless. + +The whole of Saturday and Sunday, while the storm lasted, they were +compelled to lie weatherbound at a peasant's house in the neighbourhood, +where the minister's wife had kept her bed from exhaustion and grief. + +The minister had sat nearly the whole time in the large parlour where +they had laid Susanna, and talked with his God; and on Monday morning, +when they were to go home, he was resigned and cairn, arranged +everything, and comforted his poor, weeping wife. + + * * * * * + +I had lain in dumb, despairing sorrow the whole afternoon and throughout +the long night, and determined to go the next day and see Susanna for +the last time. + +Early in the forenoon, the minister unexpectedly entered our parlour, +and asked to speak to my father. He looked pale and solemn as he sat on +the sofa, with his stick in front of him, and waited. + +When my father came in at the door, the minister rose and took his hand, +while the tears stood in his eyes. + +After a pause, as if to recover himself, he said that my father saw +before him an unhappy but humble man, whom God had to chasten severely +before his will would bend to Him. He wanted now, because of his +unhappiness, to ask my father not to deny him his old friendship any +longer. + +Of the matter that had caused the estrangement he would not now speak; +he had acted to the best of his judgment. There was, however, something +else which now lay on his heart, and here he put his hand on my shoulder +and drew me affectionately to him, as he once more sat down on the sofa. + +His daughter Susanna, he continued, sighing at the name, a few days +before God took her to Himself, had admitted him into her confidence, +and told him that she had loved me from the time she was a child, and +that we two had already given each other our promise, with the intention +of telling our parents when I became a student. + +At first he had been strongly opposed to the engagement for many +reasons, first and foremost my health and our youth. But Susanna had +shown such intense earnestness in the matter and expressed such +determined will, that, knowing her nature, it became clear to him that +this affection had been growing for many years and could not now be +rooted up. And it was now the greatest comfort he had in the midst of +his sorrow, that the same morning on which they were to start on their +ill-fated journey home, he had given in, and had also promised to use +his influence in getting my father to give his consent. + +Instead of this he now stood without a daughter, and only as one +bringing tidings that the disaster had fallen on my father's house too, +and struck his only child. He wished, he hoped with my father's +permission, henceforth to regard me as his son. + +My father sat a long time, surprised and pale; he seemed to have great +difficulty in taking in what was said. + +At last he rose and in silence gave his hand to the minister. Then he +laid it on my shoulder so that I felt its pressure, looked into my eyes +and said, in a low, wonderfully gentle voice: + +"The Lord be with you, my son! Sorrow has visited you young; only, do +not be weak in bearing it!" + +He was going out to leave us alone together, but bethought himself in +the doorway, and said that I had better go with the minister and take a +last farewell of Susanna. + +A little later the minister and I were walking side by side along the +road. Our relations had now become confidential, and to comfort me he +told me all that Susanna had said to induce him to consent. She knew, +thank God, he concluded with a sigh of relief, that she had in her +father a friend in whom she could confide in the hour of need. + +The minister led me into the room with its drawn blinds; he stood for a +moment by the bier, then the tears fell like rain down his broad, strong +face, and he turned and went out. + +She lay there in her maidenly white dress. They had twined a wreath of +green leaves with white flowers about her head, and for a moment I saw +again the vision I had at the ball. The delicate hands now lay meekly +folded upon her breast, and on the engagement finger I recognised with +tears my own old bronze ring with the purple glass stones in it, that +she had worn from the moment she had obtained her father's consent. The +expression of the mouth, so energetic in life, was transformed in death +into a quiet, happy smile, in which her beautiful delicate face, with +its broad pure marble brow shone with a heavenly radiance; she lay in +such innocent security, as if she now knew the secret of true love's +victory over everything here on earth, and was only gone in advance, +with white wings on her shoulders, to teach it to me, since God had not +allowed her to share the burden of my cross here below. + +When I noticed that they wanted me to go, I silently repeated "Our +Father" over her as a last farewell, pressed one gentle kiss upon her +brow, then one upon her mouth, and one upon her folded hands where the +bronze ring was, and went out without looking back. + +Two days after, I followed Susanna's remains to the grave. + + * * * * * + +One sunshiny day in winter, when I as usual visited the place where she +rested in the churchyard, the snow had drifted over her grave. It lay +pure and dazzlingly white, with the fine upper edge like translucent +marble in the sunlight. + +I took this to mean that Susanna would have me think of her in her +shining bridal dress before God, in order to give me courage to go my +lonely way through life, and not to fear that the hardest of all +trials--even insanity, if it came and enthralled me in its +confusion--could separate us. + + * * * * * + +Late in the summer, when I was to go south by the steamer, together with +the minister and his wife, who had both, in a short time, aged +perceptibly, and who were now moving to a southern parish, I went for +the last time to take leave of my sorrowful friend, the clerk. + +He played the beautiful, joyful, beloved piece again for me, which he +had composed when he was twenty, and which I had thought suited Susanna +and me so well, and now he played the continuation too--it was +wonderfully touching and sad, but with comfort in it, like a psalm. + + * * * * * + +Thus ends a poor, delicate Nordlander's simple story; for to tell how, +with my father's help, I became a student with "_laud_" [There are four +grades in the Academic Degrees Examination--viz., _laudabilis præ +ceteris, laudabilis, haud illaudabilis_, and _non-contemnendus_.]--he +died the same year that I passed my _Examen artium_, a respected but +ruined man--and how I afterwards became something of a literary man, a +private tutor and a master in a school, is only to relate the outward +circumstances of a monotonous life, whose thoughts all dwell in the +past. + +My love for Susanna has, as she said to me with such confidence, been +the fountain of health that saved me from the worst madness. When +restlessness came over me, and I roamed about aimlessly in field and +forest, it always came to a crisis, when I saw her, in her white dress, +floating by a little way off, or sometimes even coming gently towards +me; then the danger was over for the time. + +During the last two years, when I have been getting worse, I have not +been fortunate enough to see her, and have had a dreary time, often as +if the darkness were closing helplessly round me. + +But not long ago, as I lay ill in my garret, Susanna came one night, +when the full moon was shining, up to the bed, in her white bridal +dress, with a wreath upon her beautiful hair, and beckoned to me with +the hand that bore the ring. I know she came to bring me the glad +tidings that I shall soon go hence and see again the love of my youth. + + * * * * * + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Visionary, by Jonas Lie + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 13922 *** |