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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Droll Stories, Complete, by Honoré de Balzac
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Droll Stories, Complete
+       Collected From The Abbeys Of Touraine
+
+Author: Honoré de Balzac
+
+Release Date: August 23, 2004 [EBook #13260]
+Last Updated: October 8, 2023
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: UTF-8
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DROLL STORIES, COMPLETE ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by John Bickers, Ian Hodgson, Dagny and Emma Dudding
+
+
+
+
+                           DROLL STORIES
+
+               COLLECTED FROM THE ABBEYS OF TOURAINE
+
+                                 BY
+
+                          HONORE DE BALZAC
+
+
+
+
+                         TRANSLATORS PREFACE
+
+When, in March, 1832, the first volume of the now famous _Contes
+Drolatiques_ was published by Gosselin of Paris, Balzac, in a short
+preface, written in the publisher’s name, replied to those attacks
+which he anticipated certain critics would make upon his hardy
+experiment. He claimed for his book the protection of all those to
+whom literature was dear, because it was a work of art--and a work of
+art, in the highest sense of the word, it undoubtedly is. Like
+Boccaccio, Rabelais, the Queen of Navarre, Ariosto, and Verville, the
+great author of _The Human Comedy_ has painted an epoch. In the fresh
+and wonderful language of the Merry Vicar Of Meudon, he has given us a
+marvellous picture of French life and manners in the sixteenth
+century. The gallant knights and merry dames of that eventful period
+of French history stand out in bold relief upon his canvas. The
+background in these life-like figures is, as it were, “sketched upon
+the spot.” After reading the _Contes Drolatiques_, one could almost find
+one’s way about the towns and villages of Touraine, unassisted by map
+or guide. Not only is this book a work of art from its historical
+information and topographical accuracy; its claims to that distinction
+rest upon a broader foundation. Written in the nineteenth century in
+imitation of the style of the sixteenth, it is a triumph of literary
+archaeology. It is a model of that which it professes to imitate; the
+production of a writer who, to accomplish it, must have been at once
+historian, linguist, philosopher, archaeologist, and anatomist, and
+each in no ordinary degree. In France, his work has long been regarded
+as a classic--as a faithful picture of the last days of the moyen age,
+when kings and princesses, brave gentlemen and haughty ladies laughed
+openly at stories and jokes which are considered disgraceful by their
+more fastidious descendants. In England the difficulties of the
+language employed, and the quaintness and peculiarity of its style,
+have placed it beyond the reach of all but those thoroughly acquainted
+with the French of the sixteenth century. Taking into consideration
+the vast amount of historical information enshrined in its pages, the
+archaeological value which it must always possess for the student, and
+the dramatic interest of its stories, the translator has thought that
+an English edition of Balzac’s chef-d’oeuvre would be acceptable to
+many. It has, of course, been impossible to reproduce in all its
+vigour and freshness the language of the original. Many of the quips
+and cranks and puns have been lost in the process of Anglicising.
+These unavoidable blemishes apart, the writer ventures to hope that he
+has treated this great masterpiece in a reverent spirit, touched it
+with no sacrilegious hand, but, on the contrary, given as close a
+translation as the dissimilarities of the two languages permit. With
+this idea, no attempt had been made to polish or round many of the
+awkwardly constructed sentences which are characteristic of this
+volume. Rough, and occasionally obscure, they are far more in keeping
+with the spirit of the original than the polished periods of modern
+romance. Taking into consideration the many difficulties which he has
+had to overcome, and which those best acquainted with the French
+edition will best appreciate, the translator claims the indulgence of
+the critical reader for any shortcomings he may discover. The best
+plea that can be offered for such indulgence is the fact that,
+although _Les Contes Drolatiques_ was completed and published in 1837,
+the present is the first English version ever brought before the
+public.
+
+London, January, 1874
+
+
+
+
+                              VOLUME I
+                        THE FIRST TEN TALES
+
+
+
+                              CONTENTS
+
+PROLOGUE
+THE FAIR IMPERIA
+THE VENIAL SIN
+   HOW THE GOOD MAN BRUYN TOOK A WIFE
+   HOW THE SENESCHAL STRUGGLED WITH HIS WIFE’S MODESTY
+   THAT WHICH IS ONLY A VENIAL SIN
+   HOW AND BY WHOM THE SAID CHILD WAS PROCURED
+   HOW THE SAID LOVE-SIN WAS REPENTED OF AND LED TO GREAT MOURNING
+THE KING’S SWEETHEART
+THE DEVIL’S HEIR
+THE MERRIE JESTS OF KING LOUIS THE ELEVENTH
+THE HIGH CONSTABLE’S WIFE
+THE MAID OF THILOUSE
+THE BROTHER-IN-ARMS
+THE VICAR OF AZAY-LE-RIDEAU
+THE REPROACH
+EPILOGUE
+
+
+
+                              PROLOGUE
+
+This is a book of the highest flavour, full of right hearty merriment,
+spiced to the palate of the illustrious and very precious tosspots and
+drinkers, to whom our worthy compatriot, Francois Rabelais, the
+eternal honour of Touraine, addressed himself. Be it nevertheless
+understood, the author has no other desire than to be a good
+Touranian, and joyfully to chronicle the merry doings of the famous
+people of this sweet and productive land, more fertile in cuckolds,
+dandies and witty wags than any other, and which has furnished a good
+share of men of renown in France, as witness the departed Courier of
+piquant memory; Verville, author of _Moyen de Parvenir_, and others
+equally well known, among whom we will specially mention the Sieur
+Descartes, because he was a melancholy genius, and devoted himself
+more to brown studies than to drinks and dainties, a man of whom all
+the cooks and confectioners of Tours have a wise horror, whom they
+despise, and will not hear spoken of, and say, “Where does he live?”
+ if his name is mentioned. Now this work is the production of the
+joyous leisure of good old monks, of whom there are many vestiges
+scattered about the country, at Grenadiere-les-St.-Cyr, in the village
+of Sacche-les-Azay-le-Rideau, at Marmoustiers, Veretz, Roche-Cobon,
+and the certain storehouses of good stories, which storehouses are the
+upper stories of old canons and wise dames, who remember the good old
+days when they could enjoy a hearty laugh without looking to see if
+their hilarity disturbed the sit of your ruffle, as do the young women
+of the present day, who wish to take their pleasure gravely--a custom
+which suits our Gay France as much as a water jug would the head of a
+queen. Since laughter is a privilege granted to man alone, and he has
+sufficient causes for tears within his reach, without adding to them
+by books, I have considered it a thing most patriotic to publish a
+drachm of merriment for these times, when weariness falls like a fine
+rain, wetting us, soaking into us, and dissolving those ancient
+customs which make the people to reap public amusement from the
+Republic. But of those old pantagruelists who allowed God and the king
+to conduct their own affairs without putting of their finger in the
+pie oftener than they could help, being content to look on and laugh,
+there are very few left. They are dying out day by day in such manner
+that I fear greatly to see these illustrious fragments of the ancient
+breviary spat upon, staled upon, set at naught, dishonoured, and
+blamed, the which I should be loath to see, since I have and bear
+great respect for the refuse of our Gallic antiquities.
+
+Bear in mind also, ye wild critics, you scrapers-up of words, harpies
+who mangle the intentions and inventions of everyone, that as children
+only do we laugh, and as we travel onward laughter sinks down and dies
+out, like the light of the oil-lit lamp. This signifies, that to laugh
+you must be innocent, and pure of a heart, lacking which qualities you
+purse your lips, drop your jaws, and knit your brow, after the manner
+of men hiding vices and impurities. Take, then, this work as you would
+take a group of statue, certain features of which an artist could
+omit, and he would be the biggest of all big fools if he puts leaves
+upon them, seeing that these said works are not, any more than is this
+book, intended for nunneries. Nevertheless, I have taken care, much to
+my vexation, to weed from the manuscripts the old words, which, in
+spite of their age, were still strong, and which would have shocked
+the ears, astonished the eyes, reddened the cheeks and sullied the
+lips of trousered maidens, and Madame Virtue with three lovers; for
+certain things must be done to suit the vices of the age, and a
+periphrase is much more agreeable than the word. Indeed, we are old,
+and find long trifles, better than the short follies of our youth,
+because at that time our taste was better. Then spare me your
+slanders, and read this rather at night than in the daytime and give
+it not to young maidens, if there be any, because this book is
+inflammable. I will now rid you of myself. But I fear nothing from
+this book, since it is extracted from a high and splendid source, from
+which all that has issued has had a great success, as is amply proved
+by the royal orders of the Golden Fleece, of the Holy Ghost, of the
+Garter, of the Bath, and by many notable things which have been taken
+therefrom, under shelter of which I place myself.
+
+_Now make ye merry, my hearties, and gayly read with ease of body and
+rest of reins, and may a cancer carry you if you disown me after
+having read me._
+
+These words are those of our good Master Rabelais, before whom we must
+also stand, hat in hand, in token of reverence and honour to him,
+prince of all wisdom, and king of Comedy.
+
+
+
+                          THE FAIR IMPERIA
+
+The Archbishop of Bordeaux had added to his suite when going to the
+Council at Constance quite a good-looking little priest of Touraine
+whose ways and manner of speech was so charming that he passed for a
+son of La Soldee and the Governor. The Archbishop of Tours had
+willingly given him to his confrere for his journey to that town,
+because it was usual for archbishops to make each other presents, they
+well knowing how sharp are the itchings of theological palms. Thus
+this young priest came to the Council and was lodged in the
+establishment of his prelate, a man of good morals and great science.
+
+Philippe de Mala, as he was called, resolved to behave well and
+worthily to serve his protector, but he saw in this mysterious Council
+many men leading a dissolute life and yet not making less, nay
+--gaining more indulgences, gold crowns and benefices than all the
+other virtuous and well-behaved ones. Now during one night--dangerous
+to his virtue--the devil whispered into his ear that he should live
+more luxuriously, since every one sucked the breasts of our Holy Mother
+Church and yet they were not drained, a miracle which proved beyond
+doubt the existence of God. And the priest of Touraine did not
+disappoint the devil. He promised to feast himself, to eat his
+bellyful of roast meats and other German delicacies, when he could do
+so without paying for them as he was poor. As he remained quite
+continent (in which he followed the example of the poor old archbishop
+who sinned no longer because he was unable to, and passed for a
+saint,) he had to suffer from intolerable desires followed by fits of
+melancholy, since there were so many sweet courtesans, well developed,
+but cold to the poor people, who inhabited Constance, to enlighten the
+understanding of the Fathers of the Council. He was savage that he did
+not know how to make up to these gallant sirens, who snubbed
+cardinals, abbots, councillors, legates, bishops, princes and
+margraves just as if they have been penniless clerks. And in the
+evening, after prayers, he would practice speaking to them, teaching
+himself the breviary of love. He taught himself to answer all possible
+questions, but on the morrow if by chance he met one of the aforesaid
+princesses dressed out, seated in a litter and escorted by her proud
+and well-armed pages, he remained open-mouthed, like a dog in the act
+of catching flies, at the sight of sweet countenance that so much
+inflamed him. The secretary of a Monseigneur, a gentleman of Perigord,
+having clearly explained to him that the Fathers, procureurs, and
+auditors of the Rota bought by certain presents, not relics or
+indulgences, but jewels and gold, the favour of being familiar with
+the best of these pampered cats who lived under the protection of the
+lords of the Council; the poor Touranian, all simpleton and innocent
+as he was, treasured up under his mattress the money given him by the
+good archbishop for writings and copying--hoping one day to have
+enough just to see a cardinal’s lady-love, and trusting to God for the
+rest. He was hairless from top to toe and resembled a man about as
+much as a goat with a night-dress on resembles a young lady, but
+prompted by his desires he wandered in the evenings through the
+streets of Constance, careless of his life, and, at the risk of having
+his body halberded by the soldiers, he peeped at the cardinals
+entering the houses of their sweethearts. Then he saw the wax-candles
+lighted in the houses and suddenly the doors and the windows closed.
+Then he heard the blessed abbots or others jumping about, drinking,
+enjoying themselves, love-making, singing _Alleluia_ and applauding the
+music with which they were being regaled. The kitchen performed
+miracles, the Offices said were fine rich pots-full, the Matins sweet
+little hams, the Vespers luscious mouthful, and the Lauhes delicate
+sweetmeats, and after their little carouses, these brave priests were
+silent, their pages diced upon the stairs, their mules stamped
+restively in the streets; everything went well--but faith and religion
+was there. That is how it came to pass the good man Huss was burned.
+And the reason? He put his finger in the pie without being asked. Then
+why was he a Huguenot before the others?
+
+To return, however to our sweet little Philippe, not unfrequently did
+he receive many a thump and hard blow, but the devil sustained him,
+inciting him to believe that sooner or later it would come to his turn
+to play the cardinal to some lovely dame. This ardent desire gave him
+the boldness of a stag in autumn, so much so that one evening he
+quietly tripped up the steps and into one of the first houses in
+Constance where often he had seen officers, seneschals, valets, and
+pages waiting with torches for their masters, dukes, kings, cardinals
+and archbishops.
+
+“Ah!” said he, “she must be very beautiful and amiable, this one.”
+
+A soldier well armed allowed him to pass, believing him to belong to
+the suite of the Elector of Bavaria, who had just left, and that he
+was going to deliver a message on behalf of the above-mentioned
+nobleman. Philippe de Mala mounted the stairs as lightly as a
+greyhound in love, and was guided by delectable odour of perfume to
+certain chamber where, surrounded by her handmaidens, the lady of the
+house was divesting herself of her attire. He stood quite dumbfounded
+like a thief surprised by sergeants. The lady was without petticoat or
+head-dress. The chambermaid and the servants, busy taking off her
+stockings and undressing her, so quickly and dextrously had her
+stripped, that the priest, overcome, gave vent to a long Ah! which had
+the flavour of love about it.
+
+“What want _you_, little one?” said the lady to him.
+
+“To yield my soul to you,” said he, flashing his eyes upon her.
+
+“You can come again to-morrow,” said she, in order to be rid of him.
+
+To which Philippe replied, blushing, “I will not fail.”
+
+Then she burst out laughing. Philippe, struck motionless, stood quite
+at his ease, letting wander over her his eyes that glowed and sparkled
+with the flame of love. What lovely thick hair hung upon her ivory
+white back, showing sweet white places, fair and shining between the
+many tresses! She had upon her snow-white brow a ruby circlet, less
+fertile in rays of fire than her black eyes, still moist with tears
+from her hearty laugh. She even threw her slipper at a statue gilded
+like a shrine, twisting herself about from very ribaldry and allowed
+her bare foot, smaller than a swan’s bill, to be seen. This evening
+she was in a good humour, otherwise she would have had the little
+shaven-crop put out by the window without more ado than her first
+bishop.
+
+“He has fine eyes, Madame,” said one of her handmaids.
+
+“Where does he comes from?” asked another.
+
+“Poor child!” cried Madame, “his mother must be looking for him. Show
+him his way home.”
+
+The Touranian, still sensible, gave a movement of delight at the sight
+of the brocaded bed where the sweet form was about to repose. This
+glance, full of amorous intelligence, awoke the lady’s fantasy, who,
+half laughing and half smitten, repeated “To-morrow,” and dismissed
+him with a gesture which the Pope Jehan himself would have obeyed,
+especially as he was like a snail without a shell, since the Council
+had just deprived him of the holy keys.
+
+“Ah! Madame, there is another vow of chastity changed into an amorous
+desire,” said one of her women; and the chuckles commenced again thick
+as hail.
+
+Philippe went his way, bumping his head against a wall like a hooded
+rook as he was. So giddy had he become at the sight of this creature,
+even more enticing than a siren rising from the water. He noticed the
+animals carved over the door and returned to the house of the
+archbishop with his head full of diabolical longings and his entrails
+sophisticated.
+
+Once in his little room he counted his coins all night long, but could
+make no more than four of them; and as that was all his treasure, he
+counted upon satisfying the fair one by giving her all he had in the
+world.
+
+“What is it ails you?” said the good archbishop, uneasy at the groans
+and “oh! ohs!” of his clerk.
+
+“Ah! my Lord,” answered the poor priest, “I am wondering how it is
+that so light and sweet a woman can weigh so heavily upon my heart.”
+
+“Which one?” said the archbishop, putting down his breviary which he
+was reading for others--the good man.
+
+“Oh! Mother of God! You will scold me, I know, my good master, my
+protector, because I have seen the lady of a cardinal at the least,
+and I am weeping because I lack more than one crown to enable me to
+convert her.”
+
+The archbishop, knitting the circumflex accent that he had above his
+nose, said not a word. Then the very humble priest trembled in his
+skin to have confessed so much to his superior. But the holy man
+directly said to him, “She must be very dear then--”
+
+“Ah!” said he, “she has swallowed many a mitre and stolen many a
+cross.”
+
+“Well, Philippe, if thou will renounce her, I will present thee with
+thirty angels from the poor-box.”
+
+“Ah! my lord, I should be losing too much,” replied the lad,
+emboldened by the treat he promised himself.
+
+“Ah! Philippe,” said the good prelate, “thou wilt then go to the devil
+and displease God, like all our cardinals,” and the master, with
+sorrow, began to pray St. Gatien, the patron saint of Innocents, to
+save his servant. He made him kneel down beside him, telling him to
+recommend himself also to St. Philippe, but the wretched priest
+implored the saint beneath his breath to prevent him from failing if
+on the morrow that the lady should receive him kindly and mercifully;
+and the good archbishop, observing the fervour of his servant, cried
+out him, “Courage little one, and Heaven will exorcise thee.”
+
+On the morrow, while Monsieur was declaiming at the Council against
+the shameless behaviour of the apostles of Christianity, Philippe de
+Mala spent his angels--acquired with so much labour--in perfumes,
+baths, fomentations, and other fooleries. He played the fop so well,
+one would have thought him the fancy cavalier of a gay lady. He
+wandered about the town in order to find the residence of his heart’s
+queen; and when he asked the passers-by to whom belonged the aforesaid
+house, they laughed in his face, saying--
+
+“Whence comes this precious fellow that has not heard of La Belle
+Imperia?”
+
+He was very much afraid he and his angels were gone to the devil when
+he heard the name, and knew into what a nice mess he had voluntarily
+fallen.
+
+Imperia was the most precious, the most fantastic girl in the world,
+although she passed for the most dazzling and the beautiful, and the
+one who best understood the art of bamboozling cardinals and softening
+the hardiest soldiers and oppressors of the people. She had brave
+captains, archers, and nobles, ready to serve her at every turn. She
+had only to breathe a word, and the business of anyone who had
+offended her was settled. A free fight only brought a smile to her
+lips, and often the Sire de Baudricourt--one of the King’s Captains
+--would ask her if there were any one he could kill for her that day
+--a little joke at the expense of the abbots. With the exception of the
+potentates among the high clergy with whom Madame Imperia managed to
+accommodate her little tempers, she ruled everyone with a high hand in
+virtue of her pretty babble and enchanting ways, which enthralled the
+most virtuous and the most unimpressionable. Thus she lived beloved
+and respected, quite as much as the real ladies and princesses, and
+was called Madame, concerning which the good Emperor Sigismund replied
+to a lady who complained of it to him, “That they, the good ladies,
+might keep to their own proper way and holy virtues, and Madame
+Imperia to the sweet naughtiness of the goddess Venus”--Christian
+words which shocked the good ladies, to their credit be it said.
+
+Philippe, then thinking over it in his mind that which on the
+preceding evening he had seen with his eyes, doubted if more did not
+remain behind. Then was he sad, and without taking bite or sup,
+strolled about the town waiting the appointed hour, although he was
+well-favoured and gallant enough to find others less difficult to
+overcome than was Madame Imperia.
+
+The night came; the little Touranian, exalted with pride caparisoned
+with desire, and spurred by his “alacks” and “alases” which nearly
+choked him, glided like an eel into the domicile of the veritable
+Queen of the Council--for before her bowed humbly all the authority,
+science, and wisdom of Christianity. The major domo did not know him,
+and was going to bundle him out again, when one of the chamber-women
+called him from the top of the stairs--“Eh, M. Imbert, it is Madame’s
+young fellow,” and poor Philippe, blushing like a wedding night, ran
+up the stairs, shaking with happiness and delight. The servant took
+him by the hand and led into the chamber where sat Madame, lightly
+attired like a brave woman who awaits her conqueror.
+
+The dazzling Imperia was seated near a table covered with a shaggy
+cloth ornamented with gold, and with all the requisites for a dainty
+carouse. Flagons of wine, various drinking glasses, bottles of the
+hippocras, flasks full of good wine of Cyprus, pretty boxes full of
+spices, roast peacocks, green sauces, little salt hams--all that would
+gladden the eyes of the gallant if he had not so madly loved Madame
+Imperia.
+
+She saw well that the eyes of the young priest were all for her.
+Although accustomed to the curl-paper devotion of the churchmen, she
+was well satisfied that she had made a conquest of the young priest
+who all day long had been in her head.
+
+The windows had been closed; Madame was decked out in a manner fit to
+do honours to a prince of the Empire. Then the rogue, beatified by the
+holy beauty of Imperia, knew that Emperor, burgraf, nay, even a
+cardinal about to be elected pope, would willingly for that night have
+changed places with him, a little priest who, beneath his gown, had
+only the devil and love.
+
+He put on a lordly air, and saluted her with a courtesy by no means
+ungraceful; and then the sweet lady said to him, regaling with a
+piercing glance--
+
+“Come and sit close to me, that I may see if you have altered since
+yesterday.”
+
+“Oh yes,” said he.
+
+“And how?” said she.
+
+“Yesterday,” replied the artful fellow, “I loved you; today, we love
+each other, and from a poor sinner I have become richer than a king.”
+
+“Oh, little one, little one!” cried she, merrily; “yes, you are indeed
+changed, for from a young priest I see well you have turned into an
+old devil.”
+
+And side by side they sat down before a large fire, which helped to
+spread their ecstasy around. They remained always ready to begin
+eating, seeing that they only thought of gazing into each other’s
+eyes, and never touched a dish. Just as they were beginning to feel
+comfortable and at their ease, there came a great noise at Madame’s
+door, as if people were beating against it, and crying out.
+
+“Madame,” cried the little servant hastily, “here’s another of them.”
+
+“Who is it?” cried she in a haughty manner, like a tyrant, savage at
+being interrupted.
+
+“The Bishop of Coire wishes to speak with you.”
+
+“May the devil take him!” said she, looking at Philippe gently.
+
+“Madame he has seen the light through the chinks, and is making a
+great noise.”
+
+“Tell him I have the fever, and you will be telling him no lie, for I
+am ill of this little priest who is torturing my brain.”
+
+But just as she had finished speaking, and was pressing with devotion
+the hand of Philippe who trembled in his skin, appeared the fat Bishop
+of Coire, indignant and angry. The officers followed him, bearing a
+trout canonically dressed, fresh from the Rhine, and shining in a
+golden platter, and spices contained in little ornamental boxes, and a
+thousand dainties, such as liqueurs and jams, made by the holy nuns at
+his Abbey.
+
+“Ah, ah!” said he, with his deep voice, “I haven’t time to go to the
+devil, but you must give me a touch of him in advance, eh! my little
+one.”
+
+“Your belly will one day make a nice sheath for a sword,” replied she,
+knitting her brows above her eyes, which from being soft and gentle
+had become mischievous enough to make one tremble.
+
+“And this little chorus singer is here to offer that?” said the
+bishop, insolently turning his great rubicund face towards Philippe.
+
+“Monseigneur, I’m here to confess Madame.”
+
+“Oh, oh, do you not know the canons? To confess the ladies at this
+time of night is a right reserved to bishops, so take yourself off; go
+and herd with simple monks, and never come back here again under pain
+of excommunication.”
+
+“Do not move,” cried the blushing Imperia, more lovely with passion
+than she was with love, because now she was possessed both with
+passion and love. “Stop, my friend. Here you are in your own house.”
+ Then he knew that he was really loved by her.
+
+“It is it not in the breviary, and an evangelical regulation, that you
+should be equal with God in the valley of Jehoshaphat?” asked she of
+the bishop.
+
+“‘Tis is an invention of the devil, who has adulterated the holy
+book,” replied the great numskull of a bishop in a hurry to fall to.
+
+“Well then, be equal now before me, who am here below your goddess,”
+ replied Imperia, “otherwise one of these days I will have you
+delicately strangled between the head and shoulders; I swear it by the
+power of my tonsure which is as good as the pope’s.” And wishing that
+the trout should be added to the feast as well as the sweets and other
+dainties, she added, cunningly, “Sit you down and drink with us.” But
+the artful minx, being up to a trick or two, gave the little one a
+wink which told him plainly not to mind the German, whom she would
+soon find a means to be rid of.
+
+The servant-maid seated the Bishop at the table, and tucked him up,
+while Philippe, wild with rage that closed his mouth, because he saw
+his plans ending in smoke, gave the archbishop to more devils than
+ever were monks alive. Thus they got halfway through the repast, which
+the young priest had not yet touched, hungering only for Imperia, near
+whom he was already seated, but speaking that sweet language which the
+ladies so well understand, that has neither stops, commas, accents,
+letters, figures, characters, notes, nor images. The fat bishop,
+sensual and careful enough of the sleek, ecclesiastical garment of
+skin for which he was indebted to his late mother, allowed himself to
+be plentifully served with hippocras by the delicate hand of Madame,
+and it was just at his first hiccough that the sound of an approaching
+cavalcade was heard in the street. The number of horses, the “Ho, ho!”
+ of the pages, showed plainly that some great prince hot with love, was
+about to arrive. In fact, a moment afterwards the Cardinal of Ragusa,
+against whom the servants of Imperia had not dared to bar the door,
+entered the room. At this terrible sight the poor courtesan and her
+young lover became ashamed and embarrassed, like fresh cured lepers;
+for it would be tempting the devil to try and oust the cardinal, the
+more so as at that time it was not known who would be pope, three
+aspirants having resigned their hoods for the benefit of Christianity.
+The cardinal, who was a cunning Italian, long bearded, a great
+sophist, and the life and soul of the Council, guessed, by the
+feeblest exercise of the faculties of his understanding, the alpha and
+omega of the adventure. He only had to weigh in his mind one little
+thought before he knew how to proceed in order to be able to
+hypothecate his manly vigour. He arrived with the appetite of a hungry
+monk, and to obtain its satisfaction he was just the man to stab two
+monks and sell his bit of the true cross, which were wrong.
+
+“Hulloa! friend,” said he to Philippe, calling him towards him. The
+poor Tourainian, more dead than alive, and expecting the devil was
+about to interfere seriously with his arrangements, rose and said,
+“What is it?” to the redoubtable cardinal.
+
+He taking him by the arm led him to the staircase, looked him in the
+white of the eye and said without any nonsense--“Ventredieu! You are a
+nice little fellow, and I should not like to have to let your master
+know the weight of your carcass. My revenge might cause me certain
+pious expenses in my old age, so choose to espouse an abbey for the
+remainder of your days, or to marry Madame to-night and die tomorrow.”
+
+The poor little Tourainian in despair murmured, “May I come back when
+your passion is over?”
+
+The cardinal could scarcely keep his countenance, but he said sternly,
+“Choose the gallows or a mitre.”
+
+“Ah!” said the priest, maliciously; “a good fat abbey.”
+
+Thereupon the cardinal went back into the room, opened an escritoire,
+and scribbled upon a piece of parchment an order to the envoy of
+France.
+
+“Monseigneur,” said the Tourainian to him while he was spelling out
+the order, “you will not get rid of the Bishop of Coire so easily as
+you have got rid of me, for he has as many abbeys as the soldiers have
+drinking shops in the town; besides, he is in the favour of his lord.
+Now I fancy to show you my gratitude for this so fine Abbey I owe you
+good piece of advice. You know how fatal has been and how rapidly
+spread this terrible pestilence which has cruelly harassed Paris. Tell
+him that you have just left the bedside of your old friend the
+Archbishop of Bordeaux; thus you will make him scutter away like straw
+before a whirl-wind.
+
+“Oh, oh!” cried the cardinal, “thou meritest more than an abbey. Ah,
+Ventredieu! my young friend, here are 100 golden crowns for thy
+journey to the Abbey of Turpenay, which I won yesterday at cards, and
+of which I make you a free gift.”
+
+Hearing these words, and seeing Philippe de Mala disappear without
+giving her the amorous glances she expected, the beautiful Imperia,
+puffing like a dolphin, denounced all the cowardice of the priest. She
+was not then a sufficiently good Catholic to pardon her lover
+deceiving her, by not knowing how to die for her pleasure. Thus the
+death of Philippe was foreshadowed in the viper’s glance she cast at
+him to insult him, which glance pleased the cardinal much, for the
+wily Italian saw he would soon get his abbey back again. The
+Touranian, heeding not the brewing storm avoided it by walking out
+silently with his ears down, like a wet dog being kicked out of a
+Church. Madame drew a sigh from her heart. She must have had her own
+ideas of humanity for the little value she held in it. The fire which
+possessed her had mounted to her head, and scintillated in rays about
+her, and there was good reason for it, for this was the first time
+that she had been humbugged by priest. Then the cardinal smiled,
+believing it was all to his advantage: was not he a cunning fellow?
+Yes, he was the possessor of a red hat.
+
+“Ah, ah! my friend,” said he to the Bishop, “I congratulate myself on
+being in your company, and I am glad to have been able to get rid of
+that little wretch unworthy of Madame, the more so as if you had gone
+near him, my lovely and amiable creature, you would have perished
+miserably through the deed of a simple priest.”
+
+“Ah! How?”
+
+“He is the secretary of the Archbishop of Bordeaux. The good man was
+seized this morning with the pestilence.”
+
+The bishop opened his mouth wide enough to swallow a Dutch cheese.
+
+“How do you know that?” asked he.
+
+“Ah!” said the cardinal, taking the good German’s hand, “I have just
+administered to him, and consoled him; at this moment the holy man has
+a fair wind to waft him to paradise.”
+
+The Bishop of Coire demonstrated immediately how light fat man are;
+for when men are big-bellied, a merciful providence, in the
+consideration of their works, often makes their internal tubes as
+elastic as balloons. The aforesaid bishop sprang backwards with one
+bound, burst into a perspiration and coughed like a cow who finds
+feathers mixed with her hay. Then becoming suddenly pale, he rushed
+down the stairs without even bidding Madame adieu. When the door had
+closed upon the bishop, and he was fairly in the street, the Cardinal
+of Ragusa began laughing fit to split his sides.
+
+“Ah! my fair one, am I not worthy to be Pope, and better than that,
+thy lover this evening?”
+
+But seeing Imperia thoughtful he approached her to take her in his
+arms, and pet her after the usual fashion of cardinals, men who
+embrace better than all others, even the soldiers, because they are
+lazy, and do not spare their essential properties.
+
+“Ha!” said she, drawing back, “you wish to cause my death, you
+ecclesiastical idiot. The principal thing for you is to enjoy
+yourself; my sweet carcass, a thing accessory. Your pleasure will be
+my death, and then you’ll canonise me perhaps? Ah, you have the
+plague, and you would give it to me. Go somewhere else, you brainless
+priest. Ah! touch me not,” said she, seeing him about to advance, “or
+I will stab you with this dagger.”
+
+And the clever hussy drew from her armoire a little dagger, which she
+knew how to use with great skill when necessary.
+
+“But my little paradise, my sweet one,” said the other, laughing,
+“don’t you see the trick? Wasn’t it necessary to be get rid of that
+old bullock of Coire?”
+
+“Well then, if you love me, show it” replied she. “I desire that you
+leave me instantly. If you are touched with the disease my death will
+not worry you. I know you well enough to know at what price you will
+put a moment of pleasure at your last hour. You would drown the earth.
+Ah, ah! you have boasted of it when drunk. I love only myself, my
+treasures, and my health. Go, and if tomorrow your veins are not
+frozen by the disease, you can come again. Today, I hate you, good
+cardinal,” said she, smiling.
+
+“Imperia!” cried the cardinal on his knees, “my blessed Imperia, do
+not play with me thus.”
+
+“No,” said she, “I never play with blessed and sacred things.”
+
+“Ah! ribald woman, I will excommunicate thee tomorrow.”
+
+“And now you are out of your cardinal sense.”
+
+“Imperia, cursed daughter of Satan! Oh, my little beauty--my love--!”
+
+“Respect yourself more. Don’t kneel to me, fie for shame!”
+
+“Wilt thou have a dispensation in articulo mortis? Wilt thou have my
+fortune--or better still, a bit of the veritable true Cross?--Wilt
+thou?”
+
+“This evening, all the wealth of heaven above and earth beneath would
+not buy my heart,” said she, laughing. “I should be the blackest of
+sinners, unworthy to receive the Blessed Sacrament if I had not my
+little caprices.”
+
+“I’ll burn the house down. Sorceress, you have bewitched me. You shall
+perish at the stake. Listen to me, my love,--my gentle Dove--I promise
+you the best place in heaven. Eh? No. Death to you then--death to the
+sorceress.”
+
+“Oh, oh! I will kill you, Monseigneur.”
+
+And the cardinal foamed with rage.
+
+“You are making a fool of yourself,” said she. “Go away, you’ll tire
+yourself.”
+
+“I shall be pope, and you shall pay for this!”
+
+“Then you are no longer disposed to obey me?”
+
+“What can I do this evening to please you?”
+
+“Get out.”
+
+And she sprang lightly like a wagtail into her room, and locked
+herself in, leaving the cardinal to storm that he was obliged to go.
+When the fair Imperia found herself alone, seated before the fire, and
+without her little priest, she exclaimed, snapping angrily the gold
+links of her chain, “By the double triple horn on the devil, if the
+little one has made me have this row with the Cardinal, and exposed me
+to the danger of being poisoned tomorrow, unless I pay him over to my
+heart’s content, I will not die till I have seen him burned alive
+before my eyes. Ah!” said she, weeping, this time real tears, “I lead
+a most unhappy life, and the little pleasure I have costs me the life
+of a dog, let alone my salvation.”
+
+As she finished this jeremiad, wailing like a calf that is being
+slaughtered, she beheld the blushing face of the young priest, who had
+hidden himself, peeping at her from behind her large Venetian mirror.
+
+“Ah!” said she, “Thou art the most perfect monk that ever dwelt in
+this blessed and amorous town of Constance. Ah, ah! Come my gentle
+cavalier, my dear boy, my little charm, my paradise of delectation,
+let me drink thine eyes, eat thee, kill thee with my love. Oh! my
+ever-flourishing, ever-green, sempiternal god; from a little monk I
+would make a king, emperor, pope, and happier than either. There, thou
+canst put anything to fire and sword, I am thine, and thou shalt see
+it well; for thou shalt be all a cardinal, even when to redden thy
+hood I shed all my heart’s blood.” And with her trembling hands all
+joyously she filled with Greek wine the golden cup, brought by the
+Bishop of Coire, and presented it to her sweetheart, whom she served
+upon her knee, she whose slipper princes found more to their taste
+than that of the pope.
+
+But he gazed at her in silence, with his eye so lustrous with love,
+that she said to him, trembling with joy “Ah! be quiet, little one.
+Let us have supper.”
+
+
+
+                           THE VENIAL SIN
+
+
+HOW THE GOOD MAN BRUYN TOOK A WIFE.
+
+Messire Bruyn, he who completed the Castle of Roche-Corbon-les-Vouvray,
+on the banks of the Loire, was a boisterous fellow in his
+youth. When quite little, he squeezed young ladies, turned the house
+out of windows, and played the devil with everything, when he was
+called upon to put his Sire the Baron of Roche-Corbon some few feet
+under the turf. Then he was his own master, free to lead a life of
+wild dissipation, and indeed he worked very hard to get a surfeit of
+enjoyment. Now by making his crowns sweat and his goods scarce,
+draining his land, and a bleeding his hogsheads, and regaling frail
+beauties, he found himself excommunicated from decent society, and had
+for his friends only the plunderers of towns and the Lombardians. But
+the usurers turned rough and bitter as chestnut husks, when he had no
+other security to give them than his said estate of Roche-Corbon,
+since the Rupes Carbonis was held from our Lord the king. Then Bruyn
+found himself just in the humour to give a blow here and there, to
+break a collar-bone or two, and quarrel with everyone about trifles.
+Seeing which, the Abbot of Marmoustiers, his neighbour, and a man
+liberal with his advice, told him that it was an evident sign of
+lordly perfection, that he was walking in the right road, but if he
+would go and slaughter, to the great glory of God, the Mahommedans who
+defiled the Holy Land, it would be better still, and that he would
+undoubtedly return full of wealth and indulgences into Touraine, or
+into Paradise, whence all barons formerly came.
+
+The said Bruyn, admiring the great sense of the prelate, left the
+country equipped by the monastery, and blessed by the abbot, to the
+great delight of his friends and neighbours. Then he put to the sack
+enough many towns of Asia and Africa, and fell upon the infidels
+without giving them warning, burning the Saracens, the Greeks, the
+English, and others, caring little whether they were friends or
+enemies, or where they came from, since among his merits he had that
+of being in no way curious, and he never questioned them until after
+he had killed them. At this business, agreeable to God, to the King
+and to himself, Bruyn gained renown as a good Christian and loyal
+knight, and enjoyed himself thoroughly in these lands beyond the seas,
+since he more willingly gave a crown to the girls than to the poor,
+although he met many more poor people than perfect maids; but like a
+good Touranian he made soup of anything. At length, when he was
+satiated with the Turks, relics, and other blessings of the Holy Land,
+Bruyn, to the great astonishment of the people of Vouvrillons,
+returned from the Crusades laden with crowns and precious stones;
+rather differently from some who, rich when they set out, came back
+heavy with leprosy, but light with gold. On his return from Tunis, our
+Lord, King Philippe, made him a Count, and appointed him his seneschal
+in our country and that of Poitou. There he was greatly beloved and
+properly thought well of, since over and above his good qualities he
+founded the Church of the Carmes-Deschaulx, in the parish of
+Egrignolles, as the peace-offering to Heaven for the follies of his
+youth. Thus was he cardinally consigned to the good graces of the
+Church and of God. From a wicked youth and reckless man, he became a
+good, wise man, and discreet in his dissipations and pleasures; rarely
+was in anger, unless someone blasphemed God before him, the which he
+would not tolerate because he had blasphemed enough for every one in
+his wild youth. In short, he never quarrelled, because, being
+seneschal, people gave up to him instantly. It is true that he at that
+time beheld all his desires accomplished, the which would render even
+an imp of Satan calm and tranquil from his horns to his heels. And
+besides this he possessed a castle all jagged at the corners, and
+shaped and pointed like a Spanish doublet, situated upon a bank from
+which it was reflected in the Loire. In the rooms were royal
+tapestries, furniture, Saracen pomps, vanities, and inventions which
+were much admired by people of Tours, and even by the archbishop and
+clerks of St. Martin, to whom he sent as a free gift a banner fringed
+with fine gold. In the neighbourhood of the said castle abounded fair
+domains, wind-mills, and forests, yielding a harvest of rents of all
+kinds, so that he was one of the strongest knights-banneret of the
+province, and could easily have led to battle for our lord the king a
+thousand men. In his old days, if by chance his bailiff, a diligent
+man at hanging, brought before him a poor peasant suspected of some
+offence, he would say, smiling--
+
+“Let this one go, Brediff, he will count against those I
+inconsiderately slaughtered across the seas”; oftentimes, however, he
+would let them bravely hang on a chestnut tree or swing on his
+gallows, but this was solely that justice might be done, and that the
+custom should not lapse in his domain. Thus the people on his lands
+were good and orderly, like fresh veiled nuns, and peaceful since he
+protected them from the robbers and vagabonds whom he never spared,
+knowing by experience how much mischief is caused by these cursed
+beasts of prey. For the rest, most devout, finishing everything
+quickly, his prayers as well as good wine, he managed the processes
+after the Turkish fashion, having a thousand little jokes ready for
+the losers, and dining with them to console them. He had all the
+people who had been hanged buried in consecrated ground like godly
+ones, some people thinking they had been sufficiently punished by
+having their breath stopped. He only persecuted the Jews now and then,
+and when they were glutted with usury and wealth. He let them gather
+their spoil as the bees do honey, saying that they were the best of
+tax-gatherers. And never did he despoil them save for the profit and
+use of the churchmen, the king, the province, or himself.
+
+This jovial way gained for him the affection and esteem of every one,
+great and small. If he came back smiling from his judicial throne, the
+Abbot of Marmoustiers, an old man like himself, would say, “Ho, ha!
+messire, there is some hanging on since you laugh thus!” And when
+coming from Roche-Corbon to Tours he passed on horseback along the
+Fauborg St. Symphorien, the little girls would say, “Ah! this is the
+justice day, there is the good man Bruyn,” and without being afraid
+they would look at him astride on a big white hack, that he had
+brought back with him from the Levant. On the bridge the little boys
+would stop playing with the ball, and would call out, “Good day, Mr.
+Seneschal” and he would reply, jokingly, “Enjoy yourselves, my
+children, until you get whipped.” “Yes, Mr. Seneschal.”
+
+Also he made the country so contented and so free from robbers that
+during the year of the great over-flowing of the Loire there were only
+twenty-two malefactors hanged that winter, not counting a Jew burned
+in the Commune of Chateau-Neuf for having stolen a consecrated wafer,
+or bought it, some said, for he was very rich.
+
+One day, in the following year about harvest time, or mowing time, as
+we say in Touraine, there came Egyptians, Bohemians, and other
+wandering troupes who stole the holy things from the Church of St.
+Martin, and in the place and exact situation of Madam the Virgin, left
+by way of insult and mockery to our Holy Faith, an abandoned pretty
+little girl, about the age of an old dog, stark naked, an acrobat, and
+of Moorish descent like themselves. For this almost nameless crime it
+was equally decided by the king, people, and the churchmen that the
+Mooress, to pay for all, should be burned and cooked alive in the
+square near the fountain where the herb market is. Then the good man
+Bruyn clearly and dextrously demonstrated to the others that it would
+be a thing most profitable and pleasant to God to gain over this
+African soul to the true religion, and if the devil were lodged in
+this feminine body the faggots would be useless to burn him, as said
+the said order. To which the archbishop sagely thought most canonical
+and conformable to Christian charity and the gospel. The ladies of the
+town and other persons of authority said loudly that they were cheated
+of a fine ceremony, since the Mooress was crying her eyes out in the
+jail and would certainly be converted to God in order to live as long
+as a crow, if she were allowed to do so, to which the seneschal
+replied that if the foreigner would wholly commit herself to the
+Christian religion there would be a gallant ceremony of another kind,
+and that he would undertake that it should be royally magnificent,
+because he would be her sponsor at the baptismal font, and that a
+virgin should be his partner in the affair in order the better to
+please the Almighty, while himself was reputed never to have lost the
+bloom or innocence, in fact to be a coquebin. In our country of
+Touraine thus are called the young virgin men, unmarried or so
+esteemed to distinguish them from the husbands and the widowers, but
+the girls always pick them without the name, because they are more
+light-hearted and merry than those seasoned in marriage.
+
+The young Mooress did not hesitate between the flaming faggots and the
+baptismal water. She much preferred to be a Christian and live than be
+Egyptian and be burned; thus to escape a moment’s baking, her heart
+would burn unquenched through all her life, since for the greater
+surety of her religion she was placed in the convent of nuns near
+Chardonneret, where she took the vow of sanctity. The said ceremony
+was concluded at the residence of the archbishop, where on this
+occasion, in honour of the Saviour or men, the lords and ladies of
+Touraine hopped, skipped and danced, for in this country the people
+dance, skip, eat, flirt, have more feasts and make merrier than any in
+the whole world. The good old seneschal had taken for his associate
+the daughter of the lord of Azay-le-Ridel, which afterwards became
+Azay-le-Brusle, the which lord being a Crusader was left before Acre,
+a far distant town, in the hands of a Saracen who demanded a royal
+ransom for him because the said lord was of high position.
+
+The lady of Azay having given his estate as security to the Lombards
+and extortioners in order to raise the sum, remained, without a penny
+in the world, awaiting her lord in a poor lodging in the town,
+without a carpet to sit upon, but proud as the Queen of Sheba and
+brave as a mastiff who defends the property of his master. Seeing this
+great distress the seneschal went delicately to request this lady’s
+daughter to be the godmother of the said Egyptian, in order that he
+might have the right of assisting the Lady of Azay. And, in fact, he
+kept a heavy chain of gold which he had preserved since the
+commencement of the taking of Cyprus, and the which he determined to
+clasp about the neck of his pretty associate, but he hung there at the
+same time his domain, and his white hairs, his money and his horses;
+in short, he placed there everything he possessed, directly he had
+seen Blanche of Azay dancing a pavan among the ladies of Tours.
+Although the Moorish girl, making the most of her last day, had
+astonished the assembly by her twists, jumps, steps, springs, and
+elevations and artistic efforts, Blanche had the advantage of her, as
+everyone agreed, so virginally and delicately did she dance.
+
+Now Bruyn, admiring this gentle maiden whose toes seemed to fear the
+boards, and who amused herself so innocently for her seventeen years
+--like a grasshopper trying her first note--was seized with an old
+man’s desire; a desire apoplectic and vigorous from weakness, which
+heated him from the sole of foot to the nape of his neck--for his head
+had too much snow on the top of it to let love lodge there. Then the
+good man perceived that he needed a wife in his manor, and it appeared
+more lonely to him than it was. And what then was a castle without a
+chatelaine? As well have a clapper without its bell. In short, a wife
+was the only thing that he had to desire, so he wished to have one
+promptly, seeing that if the Lady of Azay made him wait, he had just
+time to pass out of this world into the other. But during the
+baptismal entertainment, he thought little of his severe wounds, and
+still less of the eighty years that had stripped his head; he found
+his eyes clear enough to see distinctly his young companion, who,
+following the injunctions of the Lady of Azay, regaled him well with
+glance and gesture, believing there could be no danger near so old a
+fellow, in such wise that Blanche--naive and nice as she was in
+contradistinction to the girls of Touraine, who are as wide-awake as a
+spring morning--permitted the good man first to kiss her hand, and
+afterwards her neck, rather low-down; at least so said the archbishop
+who married them the week after; and that was a beautiful bridal, and
+a still more beautiful bride.
+
+The said Blanche was slender and graceful as no other girl, and still
+better than that, more maidenly than ever maiden was; a maiden all
+ignorant of love, who knew not why or what it was; a maiden who
+wondered why certain people lingered in their beds; a maiden who
+believed that children were found in parsley beds. Her mother had thus
+reared her in innocence, without even allowing her to consider, trifle
+as it was, how she sucked in her soup between her teeth. Thus she was
+a sweet flower, and intact, joyous and innocent; an angel, who needed
+but the wings to fly away to Paradise. When she left the poor lodging
+of her weeping mother to consummate her betrothal at the cathedral of
+St. Gatien and St. Maurice, the country people came to a feast their
+eyes upon the bride, and on the carpets which were laid down all along
+the Rue de la Scellerie, and all said that never had tinier feet
+pressed the ground of Touraine, prettier eyes gazed up to heaven, or a
+more splendid festival adorned the streets with carpets and with
+flowers. The young girls of St. Martin and of the boroughs of
+Chateau-Neuf, all envied the long brown tresses with which doubtless
+Blanche had fished for a count, but much more did they desire the gold
+embroidered dress, the foreign stones, the white diamonds, and the
+chains with which the little darling played, and which bound her for
+ever to the said seneschal. The old soldier was so merry by her side,
+that his happiness showed itself in his wrinkles, his looks, and his
+movements. Although he was hardly as straight as a billhook, he held
+himself so by the side of Blanche, that one would have taken him for a
+soldier on parade receiving his officer, and he placed his hand on his
+diaphragm like a man whose pleasure stifles and troubles him.
+Delighted with the sound of the swinging bells, the procession, the
+pomps, and the vanities of the said marriage, which was talked of long
+after the episcopal rejoicings, the women desired a harvest of Moorish
+girls, a deluge of old seneschals, and baskets full of Egyptian
+baptisms. But this was the only one that ever happened in Touraine,
+seeing that the country is far from Egypt and from Bohemia. The Lady
+of Azay received a large sum of money after the ceremony, which
+enabled her to start immediately for Acre to go to her spouse,
+accompanied by the lieutenant and soldiers of the Count of
+Roche-Corbon, who furnished them with everything necessary. She set out
+on the day of the wedding, after having placed her daughter in the hands
+of the seneschal, enjoining him to treat her well; and later on she
+returned with the Sire d’Azay, who was leprous, and she cured him,
+tending him herself, running the risk of being contaminated, the which
+was greatly admired.
+
+The marriage ceremony finished and at an end--for it lasted three
+days, to the great contentment of the people--Messire Bruyn with great
+pomp led the little one to his castle, and, according to the custom of
+husbands, had her put solemnly to bed in his couch, which was blessed
+by the Abbot of Marmoustiers; then came and placed himself beside her
+in the great feudal chamber of Roche-Corbon, which had been hung with
+green blockade and ribbon of golden wire. When old Bruyn, perfumed all
+over, found himself side by side with his pretty wife, he kissed her
+first upon the forehead, and then upon the little round, white breast,
+on the same spot where she had allowed him to clasp the fastenings of
+the chain, but that was all. The old fellow had too great confidence
+in himself in fancying himself able to accomplish more; so then he
+abstained from love in spite of the merry nuptial songs, the
+epithalamiums and jokes which were going on in the rooms beneath where
+the dancing was still kept up. He refreshed himself with a drink of
+the marriage beverage, which according to custom, had been blessed and
+placed near them in a golden cup. The spices warned his stomach well
+enough, but not the heart of his dead ardour. Blanche was not at all
+astonished at the demeanour of her spouse, because she was a virgin in
+mind, and in marriage she saw only that which is visible to the eyes
+of young girls--namely dresses, banquets, horses, to be a lady and
+mistress, to have a country seat, to amuse oneself and give orders;
+so, like the child that she was, she played with the gold tassels on
+the bed, and marvelled at the richness of the shrine in which her
+innocence should be interred. Feeling, a little later in the day, his
+culpability, and relying on the future, which, however, would spoil a
+little every day that with which he pretended to regale his wife, the
+seneschal tried to substitute the word for the deed. So he entertained
+his wife in various ways, promised her the keys of his sideboards, his
+granaries and chests, the perfect government of his houses and domains
+without any control, hanging round her neck “the other half of the
+loaf,” which is the popular saying in Touraine. She became like a
+young charger full of hay, found her good man the most gallant fellow
+in the world, and raising herself upon her pillow began to smile, and
+beheld with greater joy this beautiful green brocaded bed, where
+henceforward she would be permitted, without any sin, to sleep every
+night. Seeing she was getting playful, the cunning lord, who had not
+been used to maidens, but knew from experience the little tricks that
+women will practice, seeing that he had much associated with ladies of
+the town, feared those handy tricks, little kisses, and minor
+amusements of love which formerly he did not object to, but which at
+the present time would have found him cold as the obit of a pope. Then
+he drew back towards the end of the bed, afraid of his happiness, and
+said to his too delectable spouse, “Well, darling, you are a
+seneschal’s wife now, and very well seneschaled as well.”
+
+“Oh no!” said she.
+
+“How no!” replied he in great fear; “are you not a wife?”
+
+“No!” said she. “Nor shall I be till I have had a child.”
+
+“Did you while coming here see the meadows?” began again the old
+fellow.
+
+“Yes,” said she.
+
+“Well, they are yours.”
+
+“Oh! Oh!” replied she laughing, “I shall amuse myself much there
+catching butterflies.”
+
+“That’s a good girl,” says her lord. “And the woods?”
+
+“Ah! I should not like to be there alone, you will take me there.
+But,” said she, “give me a little of that liquor which La Ponneuse has
+taken such pains to prepare for us.”
+
+“And why, my darling? It would put fire in your body.”
+
+“Oh! That’s what I should like,” said she, biting her lip with
+vexation, “because I desire to give you a child as soon as possible;
+and I’m sure that liquor is good for the purpose.”
+
+“Ah! my little one,” said the seneschal, knowing by this that Blanche
+was a virgin from head to foot, “the goodwill of God is necessary for
+this business, and women must be in a state of harvest.”
+
+“And when should I be in a state of harvest?” asked she, smiling.
+
+“When nature so wills it,” said he, trying to laugh.
+
+“What is it necessary to do for this?” replied she.
+
+“Ah! A cabalistical and alchemical operation which is very dangerous.”
+
+“Ah!” said she, with a dreamy look, “that’s the reason why my mother
+cried when thinking of the said metamorphosis; but Bertha de Breuilly,
+who is so thankful for being made a wife, told me it was the easiest
+thing in the world.”
+
+“That’s according to the age,” replied the old lord. “But did you see
+at the stable the beautiful white mare so much spoken of in Touraine?”
+
+“Yes, she is very gentle and nice.”
+
+“Well, I give her to you, and you can ride her as often as the fancy
+takes you.”
+
+“Oh, you are very kind, and they did not lie when they told me so.”
+
+“Here,” continued he, “sweetheart; the butler, the chaplain, the
+treasurer, the equerry, the farrier, the bailiff, even the Sire de
+Montsoreau, the young varlet whose name is Gauttier and bears my
+banner, with his men at arms, captains, followers, and beasts--all are
+yours, and will instantly obey your orders under pain of being
+incommoded with a hempen collar.”
+
+“But,” replied she, “this mysterious operation--cannot it be performed
+immediately?”
+
+“Oh no!” replied the seneschal. “Because it is necessary above all
+things that both the one and the other of us should be in a state of
+grace before God; otherwise we should have a bad child, full of sin;
+which is forbidden by the canons of the church. This is the reason
+that there are so many incorrigible scapegraces in the world. Their
+parents have not wisely waited to have their souls pure, and have
+given wicked souls to their children. The beautiful and the virtuous
+come of immaculate fathers; that is why we cause our beds to be
+blessed, as the Abbot of Marmoustiers has done this one. Have you not
+transgressed the ordinances of the Church?”
+
+“Oh no,” said she, quickly, “I received before Mass absolution for all
+my faults and have remained since without committing the slightest
+sin.”
+
+“You are very perfect,” said the cunning lord, “and I am delighted to
+have you for a wife; but I have sworn like an infidel.”
+
+“Oh! and why?”
+
+“Because the dancing did not finish, and I could not have you to
+myself to bring you here and kiss you.”
+
+Thereupon he gallantly took her hands and covered them with kisses,
+whispering to her little endearments and superficial words of
+affection which made her quite pleased and contented.
+
+Then, fatigued with the dance and all the ceremonies, she settled down
+to her slumbers, saying to the seneschal--
+
+“I will take care tomorrow that you shall not sin,” and she left the
+old man quite smitten with her white beauty, amorous of her delicate
+nature, and as embarrassed to know how he should be able to keep her
+in her innocence as to explain why oxen chew their food twice over.
+Although he did not augur to himself any good therefrom, it inflamed
+him so much to see the exquisite perfections of Blanche during her
+innocent and gentle sleep, that he resolved to preserve and defend
+this pretty jewel of love. With tears in his eyes he kissed her sweet
+golden tresses, the beautiful eyelids, and her ripe red mouth, and he
+did it softly for fear of waking her. There was all his fruition, the
+dumb delight which still inflamed his heart without in the least
+affecting Blanche. Then he deplored the snows of his leafless old age,
+the poor old man, that he saw clearly that God had amused himself by
+giving him nuts when his teeth were gone.
+
+
+HOW THE SENESCHAL STRUGGLED WITH HIS WIFE’S MODESTY.
+
+During the first days of his marriage the seneschal imprinted many
+fibs to tell his wife, whose so estimable innocence he abused.
+Firstly, he found in his judicial functions good excuses for leaving
+her at times alone; then he occupied himself with the peasants of the
+neighbourhood, and took them to dress the vines on his lands at
+Vouvray, and at length pampered her up with a thousand absurd tales.
+
+At one time he would say that lords did not behave like common people,
+that the children were only planted at certain celestial conjunctions
+ascertained by learned astrologers; at another that one should abstain
+from begetting children on feast days, because it was a great
+undertaking; and he observed the feasts like a man who wished to enter
+into Paradise without consent. Sometimes he would pretend that if by
+chance the parents were not in a state of grace, the children
+commenced on the date of St. Claire would be blind, of St. Gatien had
+the gout, of St. Agnes were scaldheaded, of St. Roch had the plague;
+sometimes that those begotten in February were chilly; in March, too
+turbulent; in April, were worth nothing at all; and that handsome boys
+were conceived in May. In short, he wished his child to be perfect, to
+have his hair of two colours; and for this it was necessary that all
+the required conditions should be observed. At other times he would
+say to Blanche that the right of a man was to bestow a child upon his
+wife according to his sole and unique will, and that if she pretended
+to be a virtuous woman she should conform to the wishes of her
+husband; in fact it was necessary to await the return of the Lady of
+Azay in order that she should assist at the confinement; from all of
+which Blanche concluded that the seneschal was annoyed by her
+requests, and was perhaps right, since he was old and full of
+experience; so she submitted herself and thought no more, except to
+herself, of this so much-desired child, that is to say, she was always
+thinking of it, like a woman who has a desire in her head, without
+suspecting that she was behaving like a gay lady or a town-walker
+running after her enjoyment. One evening, by accident, Bruyn spoke of
+children, a discourse that he avoided as cats avoid water, but he was
+complaining of a boy condemned by him that morning for great misdeeds,
+saying for certain he was the offspring of people laden with mortal
+sins.
+
+“Alas!” said Blanche, “if you will give me one, although you have not
+got absolution, I will correct so well that you will be pleased with
+him.”
+
+Then the count saw that his wife was bitten by a warm desire, and that
+it was time to dissipate her innocence in order to make himself master
+of it, to conquer it, to beat it, or to appease and extinguish it.
+
+“What, my dear, you wish to be a mother?” said he; “you do not yet
+know the business of a wife, you are not accustomed to being mistress
+of the house.”
+
+“Oh! Oh!” said she, “to be a perfect countess, and have in my loins a
+little count, must I play the great lady? I will do it, and
+thoroughly.”
+
+Then Blanche, in order to obtain issue, began to hunt the fawns and
+stags, leaping the ditches, galloping upon her mare over valleys and
+mountain, through the woods and the fields, taking great delight in
+watching the falcons fly, in unhooding them and while hunting always
+carried them gracefully upon her little wrist, which was what the
+seneschal had desired. But in this pursuit, Blanche gained an appetite
+of nun and prelate, that is to say, wished to procreate, had her
+desires whetted, and could scarcely restrain her hunger, when on her
+return she gave play to her teeth. Now by reason of reading the
+legends written by the way, and of separating by death the embraces of
+birds and wild beasts, she discovered a mystery of natural alchemy,
+while colouring her complexion, and superagitating her feeble
+imagination, which did little to pacify her warlike nature, and
+strongly tickled her desire which laughed, played, and frisked
+unmistakably. The seneschal thought to disarm the rebellious virtue of
+his wife by making her scour the country; but his fraud turned out
+badly, for the unknown lust that circulated in the veins of Blanche
+emerged from these assaults more hardy than before, inviting jousts
+and tourneys as the herald the armed knight.
+
+The good lord saw then that he had grossly erred and that he was now
+upon the horns of a dilemma; also he no longer knew what course to
+adopt; the longer he left it the more it would resist. From this
+combat, there must result one conquered and one contused--a diabolical
+contusion which he wished to keep distant from his physiognomy by
+God’s help until after his death. The poor seneschal had already great
+trouble to follow his lady to the chase, without being dismounted; he
+sweated under the weight of his trappings, and almost expired in that
+pursuit wherein his frisky wife cheered her life and took great
+pleasure. Many times in the evening she wished to dance. Now the good
+man, swathed in his heavy clothing, found himself quite worn out with
+these exercises, in which he was constrained to participate either in
+giving her his hand, when she performed the vaults of the Moorish
+girl, or in holding the lighted fagot for her, when she had a fancy to
+do the torchlight dance; and in spite of his sciaticas, accretions,
+and rheumatisms, he was obliged to smile and say to her some gentle
+words and gallantries after all the evolutions, mummeries, and comic
+pantomimes, which she indulged in to divert herself; for he loved her
+so madly that if she had asked him for an impossibility he would have
+sought one for her immediately.
+
+Nevertheless, one fine day he recognised the fact that his frame was
+in a state of too great debility to struggle with the vigorous nature
+of his wife, and humiliating himself before his wife’s virtue he
+resolved to let things take their course, relying a little upon the
+modesty, religion, and bashfulness of Blanche, but he always slept
+with one eye open, for he suspected that God had perhaps made
+virginities to be taken like partridges, to be spitted and roasted.
+One wet morning, when the weather was that in which the snails make
+their tracks, a melancholy time, and suitable to reverie, Blanche was
+in the house sitting in her chair in deep thought, because nothing
+produces more lively concoctions of the substantive essences, and no
+receipt, specific or philter is more penetrating, transpiercing or
+doubly transpiercing and titillating than the subtle warmth which
+simmers between the nap of the chair and a maiden sitting during
+certain weather.
+
+Now without knowing it the Countess was incommoded by her innocence,
+which gave more trouble than it was worth to her brain, and gnawed her
+all over. Then the good man, seriously grieved to see her languishing,
+wished to drive away the thoughts which were ultra-conjugal principles
+of love.
+
+“Whence comes your sadness, sweetheart?” said he.
+
+“From shame.”
+
+“What then affronts you?”
+
+“The not being a good woman; because I am without a child, and you
+without lineage! Is one a lady without progeny? Nay! Look! . . . All
+my neighbours have it, and I was married to have it, as you to give it
+to me; the nobles of Touraine are all amply furnished with children,
+and their wives give them lapfuls, you alone have none, they laugh at
+you there. What will become of your name and your fiefs and your
+seigniories? A child is our natural company; it is a delight to us to
+make a fright of it, to fondle it, to swaddle it, to dress and undress
+it, to cuddle it, to sing it lullabies, to cradle it, to get it up, to
+put it to bed, and to nourish it, and I feel that if I had only the
+half of one, I would kiss it, swaddle it, and unharness it, and I
+would make it jump and crow all day long, as the other ladies do.”
+
+“Were it not that in giving them birth women die, and that for this
+you are still too delicate and too close in the bud, you would already
+be a mother,” replied the seneschal, made giddy with the flow of
+words. “But will you buy one ready-made?--that will cost you neither
+pain nor labour.”
+
+“But,” said she, “I want the pain and labour, without which it will
+not be ours. I know very well it should be the fruit of my body,
+because at church they say that Jesus was the fruit of the Virgin’s
+womb.”
+
+“Very well, then pray God that it may be so,” cried the seneschal,
+“and intercede with the Virgin of Egrignolles. Many a lady has
+conceived after the neuvaine; you must not fail to do one.”
+
+Then the same day Blanche set out towards Notre-Dame de l’Egrignolles,
+decked out like a queen riding her beautiful mare, having on her a
+robe of green velvet, laced down with fine gold lace, open at the
+breast, having sleeves of scarlet, little shoes and a high hat
+ornamented with precious stones, and a gold waistband that showed off
+her little waist, as slim as a pole. She wished to give her dress to
+Madame the Virgin, and in fact promised it to her, for the day of her
+churching. The Sire de Montsoreau galloped before her, his eye bright
+as that of a hawk, keeping the people back and guarding with his
+knights the security of the journey. Near Marmoustiers the seneschal,
+rendered sleepy by the heat, seeing it was the month of August,
+waggled about in his saddle, like a diadem upon the head of a cow, and
+seeing so frolicsome and so pretty a lady by the side of so old a
+fellow, a peasant girl, who was squatting near the trunk of a tree and
+drinking water out of her stone jug inquired of a toothless old hag,
+who picked up a trifle by gleaning, if this princess was going to bury
+her dead.
+
+“Nay,” said the old woman, “it is our lady of Roche-Corbon, wife of
+the seneschal of Poitou and Touraine, in quest of a child.”
+
+“Ah! Ah!” said the young girl, laughing like a fly just satisfied;
+then pointing to the handsome knight who was at the head of the
+procession--“he who marches at the head would manage that; she would
+save the wax-candles and the vow.”
+
+“Ha! my little one,” replied the hag, “I am rather surprised that she
+should go to Notre-Dame de l’Egrignolles seeing that there are no
+handsome priests there. She might very well stop for a short time
+beneath the shadow the belfry of Marmoustiers; she would soon be
+fertile, those good fathers are so lively.”
+
+“By a nun’s oath!” said a tramp walking up, “look; the Sire de
+Montsoreau is lively and delicate enough to open the lady’s heart, the
+more so as he is well formed to do so.”
+
+And all commenced a laugh. The Sire de Montsoreau wished to go to them
+and hang them in lime-tree by the road as a punishment for their bad
+words, but Blanche cried out quickly--
+
+“Oh, sir, do not hang them yet. They have not said all they mean; and
+we shall see them on our return.”
+
+She blushed, and the Sire de Montsoreau looked at her eagerly, as
+though to shoot into her the mystic comprehensions of love, but the
+clearing out of her intelligence had already been commenced by the
+sayings of the peasants which were fructifying in her understanding
+--her innocence was like touchwood, there was only need for a word
+to inflame it.
+
+Thus Blanche perceived now the notable and physical differences
+between the qualities of her old husband and perfections of the said
+Gauttier, a gentleman who was not over affected with his twenty-three
+years, but held himself upright as a ninepin in the saddle, and as
+wide-awake as the matin chimes, while in contrast to him, slept the
+seneschal; he had courage and dexterity there where his master failed.
+He was one of those smart fellows whom the jades would sooner wear at
+night than a leathern garment, because they then no longer fear the
+fleas; there are some who vituperate them, but no one should be
+blamed, because every one should sleep as he likes.
+
+So much did the seneschal’s lady think, and so imperially well, that
+by the time she arrived at the bridge of Tours, she loved Gauttier
+secretly, as a maiden loves, without suspecting that it is love. From
+that she became a proper woman, that is to say, she desired the good
+of others, the best that men have, she fell into a fit of
+love-sickness, going at the first jump to the depth of her misery,
+seeing that all is flame between the first coveting and the last desire,
+and she knew not how she then learned that by the eyes can flow in a
+subtle essence, causing such powerful corrosions in all the veins of
+the body, recesses of the heart, nerves of the members, roots of the
+hair, perspiration of the substance, limbo of the brain, orifices of
+the epidermis, windings of the pluck, tubes of the hypochondriac and
+other channels which in her was suddenly dilated, heated, tickled,
+envenomed, clawed, harrowed, and disturbed, as if she had a basketful
+of needles in her inside. This was a maiden’s desire, a
+well-conditioned desire, which troubled her sight to such a degree that
+she no longer saw her old spouse, but clearly the young Gauttier, whose
+nature was as ample as the glorious chin of an abbot. When the good
+man entered Tours the Ah! Ah! of the crowd woke him up, and he came
+with great pomp with his suite to the Church of Notre-Dame de
+l’Egrignolles, formerly called la greigneur, as if you said that which
+has the most merit. Blanche went into the chapel where children are
+asked to God and of the Virgin, and went there alone, as was the
+custom, always however in the presence of the seneschal, of his
+varlets and the loiterers who remained outside the grill. When the
+countess saw the priest come who had charge of the masses said for
+children, and who received the said vows, she asked him if there were
+many barren women. To which the good priest replied, that he must not
+complain, and that the children were good revenue to the Church.
+
+“And do you often see,” said Blanche, “young women with such old
+husbands as my lord?”
+
+“Rarely,” said he.
+
+“But have those obtained offspring?”
+
+“Always,” replied the priest smiling.
+
+“And the others whose companions are not so old?”
+
+“Sometimes.”
+
+“Oh! Oh!” said she, “there is more certainty then with one like the
+seneschal?”
+
+“To be sure,” said the priest.
+
+“Why?” said she.
+
+“Madame,” gravely replied priest, “before that age God alone
+interferes with the affair, after, it is the men.”
+
+At this time it was a true thing that all the wisdom had gone to the
+clergy. Blanch made her vow, which was a very profitable one, seeing
+that her decorations were worth quite two thousand gold crowns.
+
+“You are very joyful!” said the old seneschal to her when on the home
+journey she made her mare prance, jump, and frisk.
+
+“Yes, yes!” said she. “There is no longer any doubt about my having a
+child, because any one can help me, the priest said: I shall take
+Gauttier.”
+
+The seneschal wished to go and slay the monk, but he thought that was
+a crime which would cost him too much, and he resolved cunningly to
+arrange his vengeance with the help of the archbishop; and before the
+housetops of Roche-Corbon came in sight he had ordered the Sire de
+Montsoreau to seek a little retirement in his own country, which the
+young Gauttier did, knowing the ways of the lord. The seneschal put in
+the place of the said Gauttier the son of the Sire de Jallanges, whose
+fief was held from Roche-Corbon. He was a young boy named Rene,
+approaching fourteen years, and he made him a page, awaiting the time
+when he should be old enough to be an equerry, and gave the command of
+his men to an old cripple, with whom he had knocked about a great deal
+in Palestine and other places. Thus the good man believed he would
+avoid the horned trappings of cuckoldom, and would still be able to
+girth, bridle, and curb the factious innocence of his wife, which
+struggled like a mule held by a rope.
+
+
+THAT WHICH IS ONLY A VENIAL SIN.
+
+The Sunday following the arrival of Rene at the manor of Roche-Corbon,
+Blanche went out hunting without her goodman, and when she was in the
+forest near Les Carneaux, saw a monk who appeared to be pushing a girl
+about more than was necessary, and spurred on her horse, saying to her
+people, “Ho there! Don’t let him kill her.” But when the seneschal’s
+lady arrived close to them, she turned her horse’s head quickly and
+the sight she beheld prevented her from hunting. She came back
+pensive, and then the lantern of her intelligence opened, and received
+a bright light, which made a thousand things clear, such as church and
+other pictures, fables, and lays of the troubadours, or the domestic
+arrangements of birds; suddenly she discovered the sweet mystery of
+love written in all languages, even in that of the Carps’. Is it not
+silly thus to seal this science from maidens? Soon Blanche went to
+bed, and soon said she to the seneschal--
+
+“Bruyn, you have deceived me, you ought to behave as the monk of the
+Carneaux behaved to the girl.”
+
+Old Bruyn suspected the adventure, and saw well that his evil hour was
+at hand. He regarded Blanche with too much fire in his eyes for the
+same ardour to be lower down, and answered her softly--
+
+“Alas! sweetheart, in taking you for my wife I had more love than
+strength, and I have taken advantage of your clemency and virtue. The
+great sorrow of my life is to feel all my capability in my heart only.
+This sorrow hastens my death little by little, so that you will soon
+be free. Wait for my departure from this world. That is the sole
+request that he makes of you, he who is your master, and who could
+command you, but who wishes only to be your prime minister and slave.
+Do not betray the honour of my white hairs! Under these circumstances
+there have been lords who have slain their wives.
+
+“Alas! you will not kill me?” said she.
+
+“No,” replied the old man, “I love thee too much, little one; why,
+thou art the flower of my old age, the joy of my soul. Thou art my
+well-beloved daughter; the sight of thee does good to mine eyes, and
+from thee I could endure anything, be it a sorrow or a joy, provided
+that thou does not curse too much the poor Bruyn who has made thee a
+great lady, rich and honoured. Wilt thou not be a lovely widow? And
+thy happiness will soften the pangs of death.”
+
+And he found in his dried-up eyes still one tear which trickled quite
+warm down his fir-cone coloured face, and fell upon the hand of
+Blanche, who, grieved to behold this great love of her old spouse who
+would put himself under the ground to please her, said laughingly--
+
+“There! there! don’t cry, I will wait.”
+
+Thereupon the seneschal kissed her hands and regaled her with little
+endearments, saying with a voice quivering with emotion--
+
+“If you knew, Blanche my darling, how I devour thee in thy sleep with
+caresses, now here, now there!” And the old ape patted her with his
+two hands, which were nothing but bones. And he continued, “I dared
+not waken the cat that would have strangled my happiness, since at
+this occupation of love I only embraced with my heart.”
+
+“Ah!” replied she, “you can fondle me thus even when my eyes are open;
+that has not the least effect upon me.”
+
+At these words the poor seneschal, taking the little dagger which was
+on the table by the bed, gave it to her, saying with passion--
+
+“My darling, kill me, or let me believe that you love me a little!”
+
+“Yes, yes,” said she, quite frightened, “I will try to love you much.”
+
+Behold how this young maidenhood made itself master of this old man
+and subdued him, for in the name of the sweet face of Venus, Blanche,
+endowed with the natural artfulness of women, made her old Bruyn come
+and go like a miller’s mule.
+
+“My good Bruyn, I want this! Bruyn, I want that--go on Bruyn!” Bruyn!
+Bruyn! And always Bruyn in such a way that Bruyn was more worn-out by
+the clemency of his wife than he would have been by her unkindness.
+She turned his brain wishing that everything should be in scarlet,
+making him turn everything topsy-turvy at the least movement of her
+eyebrow, and when she was sad the seneschal distracted, would say to
+everything from his judicial seat, “Hang him!” Another would have died
+like a fly at this conflict with the maid’s innocence, but Bruyn was
+of such an iron nature that it was difficult to finish him off. One
+evening that Blanche had turned the house upside-down, upset the men
+and the beasts, and would by her aggravating humour have made the
+eternal father desperate--he who has such an infinite treasure of
+patience since he endures us--she said to the seneschal while getting
+into bed, “My good Bruyn, I have low down fancies, that bite and prick
+me; thence they rise into my heart, inflame my brain, incite me
+therein to evil deeds, and in the night I dream of the monk of the
+Carneaux.”
+
+“My dear,” replied the seneschal, “these are devilries and temptations
+against which the monks and nuns know how to defend themselves. If you
+will gain salvation, go and confess to the worthy Abbot of
+Marmoustiers, our neighbour; he will advise you well and will holily
+direct you in the good way.”
+
+“Tomorrow I will go,” said she.
+
+And indeed directly it was day, she trotted off to the monastery of
+the good brethren, who marvelled to see among them so pretty a lady;
+committed more than one sin through her in the evening; and for the
+present led her with great ceremony to their reverend abbot.
+
+Blanche found the said good man in a private garden near the high rock
+under a flower arcade, and remained stricken with respect at the
+countenance of the holy man, although she was accustomed not to think
+much of grey hairs.
+
+“God preserve you, Madame; what can you have to seek of one so near
+death, you so young?”
+
+“Your precious advice,” said she, saluting him with a courtesy; “and
+if it will please you to guide so undutiful a sheep, I shall be well
+content to have so wise a confessor.”
+
+“My daughter,” answered the monk, with whom old Bruyn had arranged
+this hypocrisy and the part to play, “if I had not the chills of a
+hundred winters upon this unthatched head, I should not dare to listen
+to your sins, but say on; if you enter paradise, it will be through
+me.”
+
+Then the seneschal’s wife set forth the small fry of her stock in
+hand, and when she was purged of her little iniquities, she came to
+the postscript of her confession.
+
+“Ah! my father!” said she, “I must confess to you that I am daily
+exercised by the desire to have a child. Is it wrong?”
+
+“No,” said the abbot.
+
+But she went on, “It is by nature commanded to my husband not to draw
+from his wealth to bring about his poverty, as the old women say by
+the way.”
+
+“Then,” replied the priest, “you must live virtuously and abstain from
+all thoughts of this kind.”
+
+“But I have heard it professed by the Lady of Jallanges, that it was
+not a sin when from it one derived neither profit nor pleasure.”
+
+“There always is pleasure,” said the abbot, “but don’t count upon the
+child as a profit. Now fix this in your understanding, that it will
+always be a mortal sin before God and a crime before men to bring
+forth a child through the embraces of a man to whom one is not
+ecclesiastically married. Thus those women who offend against the holy
+laws of marriage, suffer great penalties in the other world, are in
+the power of horrible monsters with sharp and tearing claws, who
+thrust them into flaming furnaces in remembrance of the fact that here
+below they have warmed their hearts a little more than was lawful.”
+
+Thereupon Blanche scratched her ear, and having thought to herself for
+a little while, she said to the priest, “How then did the Virgin
+Mary?”
+
+“Ah!” replied abbot, “that it is a mystery.”
+
+“And what is a mystery?”
+
+“A thing that cannot be explained, and which one ought to believe
+without enquiring into it.”
+
+“Well then,” said she, “cannot I perform a mystery?”
+
+“This one,” said the Abbot, “only happened once, because it was the
+Son of God.”
+
+“Alas! my father, is it then the will of God that I should die, or
+that from wise and sound comprehension my brain should be turned? Of
+this there is a great danger. Now in me something moves and excites
+me, and I am no longer in my senses. I care for nothing, and to find a
+man I would leap the walls, dash over the fields without shame and
+tear my things into tatters, only to see that which so much excited
+the monk of the Carneaux; and during these passions which work and
+prick my mind and body, there is neither God, devil, nor husband. I
+spring, I run, I smash up the wash-tubs, the pots, the farm
+implements, a fowl-house, the household things, and everything, in a
+way that I cannot describe. But I dare not confess to you all my
+misdeeds, because speaking of them makes my mouth water, and the thing
+with which God curses me makes me itch dreadfully. If this folly bites
+and pricks me, and slays my virtue, will God, who has placed this
+great love in my body, condemn me to perdition?”
+
+At this question it was the priest who scratched his ear, quite
+dumbfounded by the lamentations, profound wisdom, controversies and
+intelligence that this virginity secreted.
+
+“My daughter,” said he, “God has distinguished us from the beasts and
+made us a paradise to gain, and for this given us reason, which is a
+rudder to steer us against tempests and our ambitious desires, and
+there is a means of easing the imaginations of one’s brain by fasting,
+excessive labours, and other virtues; and instead of frisking and
+fretting like a child let loose from school, you should pray to the
+virgin, sleep on a hard board, attend to your household duties, and
+never be idle.”
+
+“Ah! my father, when I am at church in my seat, I see neither the
+priest nor the altar, only the infant Jesus, who brings the thing into
+my head. But to finish, if my head is turned and my mind wanders, I am
+in the lime-twigs of love.”
+
+“If thus you were,” said the abbot, imprudently, “you would be in the
+position of Saint Lidoire, who in a deep sleep one day, one leg here
+and one leg there, through the great heat and scantily attired, was
+approached by a young man full of mischief, who dexterously seduced
+her, and as of this trick the saint was thoroughly ignorant, and much
+surprised at being brought to bed, thinking that her unusual size was
+a serious malady, she did penance for it as a venial sin, as she had
+no pleasure in this wicked business, according to the statement of the
+wicked man, who said upon the scaffold where he was executed, that the
+saint had in nowise stirred.”
+
+“Oh, my father,” said she, “be sure that I should not stir more than
+she did!”
+
+With this statement she went away prettily and gracefully, smiling and
+thinking how she could commit a venial sin. On her return from the
+great monastery, she saw in the courtyard of her castle the little
+Jallanges, who under the superintendence of an old groom was turning
+and wheeling about on a fine horse, bending with the movements of the
+animal, dismounting and mounting again with vaults and leaps most
+gracefully, and with lissome thighs, so pretty, so dextrous, so
+upright as to be indescribable, so much so, that he would have made
+the Queen Lucrece long for him, she who killed herself from having
+been contaminated against her will.
+
+“Ah!” said Blanche, “if only this page were fifteen, I would go to
+sleep comfortably very near to him.”
+
+Then, in spite of the too great youth of this charming servitor,
+during the collation and supper, she eyed frequently the black hair,
+the white skin, the grace of Rene, above all his eyes, where was an
+abundance of limpid warmth and a great fire of life, which he was
+afraid to shoot out--child that he was.
+
+Now in the evening, as the seneschal’s wife sat thoughtfully in her
+chair in the corner of the fireplace, old Bruyn interrogated her as to
+her trouble.
+
+“I am thinking.” said she, “that you must have fought the battles of
+love very early, to be thus completely broken up.”
+
+“Oh!” smiled he, smiling like all old men questioned upon their
+amorous remembrances, “at the age of thirteen and a half I had
+overcome the scruples of my mother’s waiting woman.”
+
+Blanche wished to hear nothing more, but believed the page Rene should
+be equally advanced, and she was quite joyous and practised little
+allurements on the good man, and wallowed silently in her desire, like
+a cake which is being floured.
+
+
+HOW AND BY WHOM THE SAID CHILD WAS PROCURED.
+
+The seneschal’s wife did not think long over the best way quickly to
+awaken the love of the page, and had soon discovered the natural
+ambuscade in the which the most wary are taken. This is how: at the
+warmest hour of the day the good man took his siesta after the Saracen
+fashion, a habit in which he had never failed, since his return from
+the Holy Land. During this time Blanche was alone in the grounds,
+where the women work at their minor occupations, such as broidering
+and stitching, and often remained in the rooms looking after the
+washing, putting the clothes tidy, or running about at will. Then she
+appointed this quiet hour to complete the education of the page,
+making him read books and say his prayers. Now on the morrow, when at
+the mid-day hour the seneschal slept, succumbing to the sun which
+warms with its most luminous rays the slopes of Roche-Corbon, so much
+so that one is obliged to sleep, unless annoyed, upset, and
+continually roused by a devil of a young woman. Blanche then
+gracefully perched herself in the great seignorial chair of her good
+man, which she did not find any too high, since she counted upon the
+chances of perspective. The cunning jade settled herself dextrously
+therein, like a swallow in its nest, and leaned her head maliciously
+upon her arm like a child that sleeps; but in making her preparations
+she opened fond eyes, that smiled and winked in advance of the little
+secret thrills, sneezes, squints, and trances of the page who was
+about to lie at her feet, separated from her by the jump of an old
+flea; and in fact she advanced so much and so near the square of
+velvet where the poor child should kneel, whose life and soul she
+trifled with, that had he been a saint of stone, his glance would have
+been constrained to follow the flexousities of the dress in order to
+admire and re-admire the perfections and beauties of the shapely leg,
+which moulded the white stocking of the seneschal’s lady. Thus it was
+certain that a weak varlet would be taken in the snare, wherein the
+most vigorous knight would willingly have succumbed. When she had
+turned, returned, placed and displaced her body, and found the
+situation in which the page would be most comfortable, she cried,
+gently. “Rene!” Rene, whom she knew well was in the guard-room, did
+not fail to run in and quickly thrust his brown head between the
+tapestries of the door.
+
+“What do you please to wish?” said the page. And he held with great
+respect in his hand his shaggy scarlet cap, less red than his fresh
+dimpled cheeks.
+
+“Come hither,” replied she, under her breath, for the child attracted
+her so strongly that she was quite overcome.
+
+And forsooth there were no jewels so sparkling as the eyes of Rene, no
+vellum whiter than his skin, no woman more exquisite in shape--and so
+near to her desire, she found him still more sweetly formed--and was
+certain that the merry frolics of love would radiate well from this
+youth, the warm sun, the silence, et cetera.
+
+“Read me the litanies of Madame the Virgin,” said she to him, pushing
+an open book him on her prieu-dieu. “Let me see if you are well taught
+by your master.”
+
+“Do you not think the Virgin beautiful?” asked she of him, smiling
+when he held the illuminated prayer-book in which glowed the silver
+and gold.
+
+“It is a painting,” replied he, timidly, and casting a little glance
+upon his so gracious mistress.
+
+“Read! read!”
+
+Then Rene began to recite the so sweet and so mystic litanies; but you
+may imagine that the “Ora pro nobis” of Blanche became still fainter
+and fainter, like the sound of the horn in the woodlands, and when the
+page went on, “Oh, Rose of mystery,” the lady, who certainly heard
+distinctly, replied by a gentle sigh. Thereupon Rene suspected that
+his mistress slept. Then he commenced to cover her with his regard,
+admiring her at his leisure, and had then no wish to utter any anthem
+save the anthem of love. His happiness made his heart leap and bound
+into his throat; thus, as was but natural, these two innocents burned
+one against the other, but if they could have foreseen never would
+have intermingled. Rene feasted his eyes, planning in his mind a
+thousand fruitions of love that brought the water into his mouth. In
+his ecstasy he let his book fall, which made him feel as sheepish as a
+monk surprised at a child’s tricks; but also from that he knew that
+Blanche was sound asleep, for she did not stir, and the wily jade
+would not have opened her eyes even at the greatest dangers, and
+reckoned on something else falling as well as the book of prayer.
+
+There is no worse longing than the longing of a woman in certain
+condition. Now, the page noticed his lady’s foot, which was delicately
+slippered in a little shoe of a delicate blue colour. She had
+angularly placed it on a footstool, since she was too high in the
+seneschal’s chair. This foot was of narrow proportions, delicately
+curved, as broad as two fingers, and as long as a sparrow, tail
+included, small at the top--a true foot of delight, a virginal foot
+that merited a kiss as a robber does the gallows; a roguish foot; a
+foot wanton enough to damn an archangel; an ominous foot; a devilishly
+enticing foot, which gave one a desire to make two new ones just like
+it to perpetuate in this lower world the glorious works of God. The
+page was tempted to take the shoe from this persuasive foot. To
+accomplish this his eyes glowing with the fire of his age, went
+swiftly, like the clapper of a bell, from this said foot of
+delectation to the sleeping countenance of his lady and mistress,
+listening to her slumber, drinking in her respiration again and again,
+it did not know where it would be sweetest to plant a kiss--whether on
+the ripe red lips of the seneschal’s wife or on this speaking foot. At
+length, from respect or fear, or perhaps from great love, he chose the
+foot, and kissed it hastily, like a maiden who dares not. Then
+immediately he took up his book, feeling his red cheeks redder still,
+and exercised with his pleasure, he cried like a blind man--“_Janua
+coeli,: gate of Heaven_.” But Blanche did not move, making sure that
+the page would go from foot to knee, and thence to “_Janua coeli,: gate
+of Heaven_.” She was greatly disappointed when the litanies finished
+without any other mischief, and Rene, believing he had had enough
+happiness for one day, ran out of the room quite lively, richer from
+this hardy kiss than a robber who has robbed the poor-box.
+
+When the seneschal’s lady was alone, she thought to herself that this
+page would be rather a long time at his task if he amused himself with
+the singing of the Magnificat at matins. Then she determined on the
+morrow to raise her foot a little, and then to bring to light those
+hidden beauties that are called perfect in Touraine, because they take
+no hurt in the open air, and are always fresh. You can imagine that
+the page, burned by his desire and his imagination, heated by the day
+before, awaited impatiently the hour to read in this breviary of
+gallantry, and was called; and the conspiracy of the litanies
+commenced again, and Blanche did not fail to fall asleep. This time
+the said Rene fondled with his hand the pretty limb, and even ventured
+so far as to verify if the polished knee and its surroundings were
+satin. At this sight the poor child, armed against his desire, so
+great was his fear, dared only to make brief devotion and curt
+caresses, and although he kissed softly this fair surface, he remained
+bashful, the which, feeling by the senses of her soul and the
+intelligence of her body, the seneschal’s lady who took great care not
+to move, called out to him--“Ah, Rene, I am asleep.”
+
+Hearing what he believed to be a stern reproach, the page frightened
+ran away, leaving the books, the task, and all. Thereupon, the
+seneschal’s better half added this prayer to the litany--“Holy Virgin,
+how difficult children are to make.”
+
+At dinner her page perspired all down his back while waiting on his
+lady and her lord; but he was very much surprised when he received
+from Blanche the most shameless of all glances that ever woman cast,
+and very pleasant and powerful it was, seeing that it changed this
+child into a man of courage. Now, the same evening Bruyn staying a
+little longer than was his custom in his own apartment, the page went
+in search of Blanche, and found her asleep, and made her dream a
+beautiful dream.
+
+He knocked off the chains that weighed so heavily upon her, and so
+plentifully bestowed upon her the sweets of love, that the surplus
+would have sufficed to render to others blessed with the joys of
+maternity. So then the minx, seizing the page by the head and
+squeezing him to her, cried out--“Oh, Rene! Thou hast awakened me!”
+
+And in fact there was no sleep could stand against it, and it is
+certain that saints must sleep very soundly. From this business,
+without any other mystery, and by a benign faculty which is the
+assisting principle of spouses, the sweet and graceful plumage,
+suitable to cuckolds, was placed upon the head of the good husband
+without his experiencing the slightest shock.
+
+After this sweet repast, the seneschal’s lady took kindly to her
+siesta after the French fashion, while Bruyn took his according to the
+Saracen. But by the said siesta she learned how the good youth of the
+page had a better taste than that of the old seneschal, and at night
+she buried herself in the sheets far away from her husband, whom she
+found strong and stale. And from sleeping and waking up in the day,
+from taking siestas and saying litanies, the seneschal’s wife felt
+growing within her that treasure for which she had so often and so
+ardently sighed; but now she liked more the commencement than the
+fructifying of it.
+
+You may be sure that Rene knew how to read, not only in books, but in
+the eyes of his sweet lady, for whom he would have leaped into a
+flaming pile, had it been her wish he should do so. When well and
+amply, more than a hundred times, the train had been laid by them, the
+little lady became anxious about her soul and the future of her friend
+the page. Now one rainy day, as they were playing at touch-tag, like
+two children, innocent from head to foot, Blanche, who was always
+caught, said to him--
+
+“Come here, Rene; do you know that while I have only committed venial
+sins because I was asleep, you have committed mortal ones?”
+
+“Ah, Madame!” said he, “where then will God stow away all the damned
+if that is to sin!”
+
+Blanche burst out laughing, and kissed his forehead.
+
+“Be quiet, you naughty boy; it is a question of paradise, and we must
+live there together if you wish always to be with me.”
+
+“Oh, my paradise is here.”
+
+“Leave off,” said she. “You are a little wretch--a scapegrace who does
+not think of that which I love--yourself! You do not know that I am
+with child, and that in a little while I shall be no more able to
+conceal it than my nose. Now, what will the abbot say? What will my
+lord say? He will kill you if he puts himself in a passion. My advice
+is little one, that you go to the abbot of Marmoustiers, confess your
+sins to him, asking him to see what had better be done concerning my
+seneschal.
+
+“Alas,” said the artful page, “if I tell the secret of our joys, he
+will put his interdict upon our love.”
+
+“Very likely,” said she; “but thy happiness in the other world is a
+thing so precious to me.”
+
+“Do you wish it my darling?”
+
+“Yes,” replied she rather faintly.
+
+“Well, I will go, but sleep again that I may bid you adieu.”
+
+And the couple recited the litany of Farewells as if they had both
+foreseen that their love must finish in its April. And on the morrow,
+more to save his dear lady than to save himself, and also to obey her,
+Rene de Jallanges set out towards the great monastery.
+
+
+HOW THE SAID LOVE-SIN WAS REPENTED OF AND LED TO GREAT MOURNING.
+
+“Good God!” cried the abbot, when the page had chanted the Kyrie
+eleison of his sweet sins, “thou art the accomplice of a great felony,
+and thou has betrayed thy lord. Dost thou know page of darkness, that
+for this thou wilt burn through all eternity? and dost thou know what
+it is to lose forever the heaven above for a perishable and changeful
+moment here below? Unhappy wretch! I see thee precipitated for ever in
+the gulfs of hell unless thou payest to God in this world that which
+thou owest him for such offence.”
+
+Thereupon the good old abbot, who was of that flesh of which saints
+are made, and who had great authority in the country of Touraine,
+terrified the young man by a heap of representations, Christian
+discourses, remembrances of the commandments of the Church, and a
+thousand eloquent things--as many as a devil could say in six weeks to
+seduce a maiden--but so many that Rene, who was in the loyal fervour
+of innocence, made his submission to the good abbot. The said abbot,
+wishing to make forever a good and virtuous man of this child, now in
+a fair way to be a wicked one, commanded him first to go and prostrate
+himself before his lord, to confess his conduct to him, and then if he
+escaped from this confession, to depart instantly for the Crusades,
+and go straight to the Holy Land, where he should remain fifteen years
+of the time appointed to give battle to the Infidels.
+
+“Alas, my reverend father,” said he, quite unmoved, “will fifteen
+years be enough to acquit me of so much pleasure? Ah! If you knew, I
+have had joy enough for a thousand years.”
+
+“God will be generous. Go,” replied the old abbot, “and sin no more.
+On this account, _ego te absolvo_.”
+
+Poor Rene returned thereupon with great contrition to the castle of
+Roche-Corbon and the first person he met was the seneschal, who was
+polishing up his arms, helmets, gauntlets, and other things. He was
+sitting on a great marble bench in the open air, and was amusing
+himself by making shine again the splendid trappings which brought
+back to him the merry pranks in the Holy Land, the good jokes, and the
+wenches, et cetera. When Rene fell upon his knees before him, the good
+lord was much astonished.
+
+“What is it?” said he.
+
+“My lord,” replied Rene, “order these people to retire.”
+
+Which the servants having done, the page confessed his fault,
+recounting how he had assailed his lady in her sleep, and that for
+certain he had made her a mother in imitation of the man and the
+saint, and came by order of the confessor to put himself at the
+disposition of the offended person. Having said which, Rene de
+Jallanges cast down his lovely eyes, which had produced all the
+mischief, and remained abashed, prostrate without fear, his arms
+hanging down, his head bare, awaiting his punishment, and humbling
+himself to God. The seneschal was not so white that he could not
+become whiter, and now he blanched like linen newly dried, remaining
+dumb with passion. And this old man who had not in his veins the vital
+force to procreate a child, found in this moment of fury more vigour
+than was necessary to undo a man. He seized with his hairy right hand
+his heavy club, lifted it, brandished it and adjusted it so easily you
+could have thought it a bowl at a game of skittles, to bring it down
+upon the pale forehead of the said Rene, who knowing that he was
+greatly in fault towards his lord, remained placid, and stretching his
+neck, thought that he was about to expiate his sin for his sweetheart
+in this world and in the other.
+
+But his fair youth, and all the natural seductions of this sweet
+crime, found grace before the tribunal of the heart of this old man,
+although Bruyn was still severe, and throwing his club away on to a
+dog who was catching beetles, he cried out, “May a thousand million
+claws, tear during all eternity, all the entrails of him, who made
+him, who planted the oak, that made the chair, on which thou hast
+antlered me--and the same to those who engendered thee, cursed page of
+misfortune! Get thee to the devil, whence thou camest--go out from
+before me, from the castle, from the country, and stay not here one
+moment more than is necessary, otherwise I will surely prepare for
+thee a death by slow fire that shall make thee curse twenty times an
+hour thy villainous and ribald partner!”
+
+Hearing the commencement of these little speeches of the seneschal,
+whose youth came back in his oaths, the page ran away, escaping the
+rest: and he did well. Bruyn, burning with a fierce rage, gained the
+gardens speedily, reviling everything by the way, striking and
+swearing; he even knocked over three large pans held by one of his
+servants, was carrying the mess to the dogs, and he was so beside
+himself that he would have killed a labourer for a “thank you.” He
+soon perceived his unmaidenly maiden, who was looking towards the road
+to the monastery, waiting for the page, and unaware that she would
+never see him again.
+
+“Ah, my lady! By the devil’s red three-pronged fork, am I a swallower
+of tarradiddles and a child, to believe that you are so fashioned that
+a page can behave in this manner and you not know it? By the death! By
+the head! By the blood!”
+
+“Hold!” she replied, seeing that the mine was sprung, “I knew it well
+enough, but as you had not instructed me in these matters I thought
+that I was dreaming!”
+
+The great ire of the seneschal melted like snow in the sun, for the
+direst anger of God himself would have vanished at a smile from
+Blanche.
+
+“May a thousand millions of devils carry off this alien child! I swear
+that--”
+
+“There! there! do not swear,” said she. “If it is not yours, it is
+mine; and the other night did you not tell me you loved everything
+that came from me?”
+
+Thereupon she ran on with such a lot of arguments, hard words,
+complaints, quarrels, tears, and other paternosters of women; such as
+--firstly the estates would not have to be returned to the king; that
+never had a child been brought more innocently into the world, that
+this, that that, a thousand things; until the good cuckold relented,
+and Blanche, seizing a propitious interruption said--
+
+“And where it is the page?”
+
+“Gone to the devil!”
+
+“What, have you killed him?” said she. She turned pale and tottered.
+
+Bruyn did not know what would become of him when he saw thus fall all
+the happiness of his old age, and he would to save her have shown her
+this page. He ordered him to be sought, but Rene had run off at full
+speed, fearing he should be killed; and departed for the lands beyond
+the seas, in order to accomplish his vow of religion. When Blanche had
+learned from the above-mentioned abbot the penitence imposed upon her
+well beloved, she fell into a state of great melancholy, saying at
+times, “Where is he, the poor unfortunate, who is in the middle of
+great dangers for love of me?”
+
+And always kept on asking, like a child who gives its mother no rest
+until its request be granted it. At these lamentations the poor
+seneschal, feeling himself to blame, endeavoured to do a thousand
+things, putting one out of the question, in order to make Blanche
+happy; but nothing was equal to the sweet caresses of the page.
+However, she had one day the child so much desired. You may be sure
+that was a fine festival for the good cuckold, for the resemblance to
+the father was distinctly engraved upon the face of this sweet fruit
+of love. Blanche consoled herself greatly, and picked up again a
+little of her old gaiety and flower of innocence, which rejoiced the
+aged hours of the seneschal. From constantly seeing the little one run
+about, watching its laughs answer those of the countess, he finished
+by loving it, and would have been in a great rage with anyone who had
+not believed him its father.
+
+Now as the adventure of Blanche and her page had not been carried
+beyond the castle, it was related throughout Touraine that Messire
+Bruyn had still found himself sufficiently in funds to afford a child.
+Intact remained the virtue of Blanche, and by the quintessence of
+instruction drawn by her from the natural reservoir of women, she
+recognised how necessary it was to be silent concerning the venial sin
+with which her child was covered. So she became modest and good, and
+was cited as a virtuous person. And then to make use of him she
+experimented on the goodness of her good man, and without giving him
+leave to go further than her chin, since she looked upon herself as
+belonging to Rene, Blanche, in return for the flowers of age which
+Bruyn offered her, coddled him, smiled upon him, kept him merry, and
+fondled him with pretty ways and tricks, which good wives bestow upon
+the husbands they deceive; and all so well, that the seneschal did not
+wish to die, squatted comfortably in his chair, and the more he lived
+the more he became partial to life. But to be brief, one night he died
+without knowing where he was going, for he said to Blanche, “Ho! ho!
+My dear, I see thee no longer! Is it night?”
+
+It was the death of the just, and he had well merited it as a reward
+for his labours in the Holy Land.
+
+Blanche held for his death a great and true mourning, weeping for him
+as one weeps for one’s father. She remained melancholy, without
+wishing to lend her ear to the music of a second wedding, for which
+she was praised by all good people, who knew not that she had a
+husband in her heart, a life in hope; but she was the greater part of
+her time a widow in fact and widow in heart, because hearing no news
+of her lover at the Crusades, the poor Countess reputed him dead, and
+during certain nights seeing him wounded and lying at full length, she
+would wake up in tears. She lived thus for fourteen years in the
+remembrance of one day of happiness. Finally, one day when she had
+with her certain ladies of Touraine, and they were talking together
+after dinner, behold her little boy, who was at that time about
+thirteen and a half, and resembled Rene more than it is allowable for
+a child to resemble his father, and had nothing of the Sire Bruyn
+about him but his name--behold the little one, a madcap and pretty
+like his mother, who came in from the garden, running, perspiring,
+panting, jumping, scattering all things in his way, after the uses and
+customs of infancy, and who ran straight to his well-beloved mother,
+jumping into her lap, and interrupting the conversation, cried out--
+
+“Oh, mother I want to speak to you, I have seen in the courtyard a
+pilgrim, who squeezed me very tight.”
+
+“Ah!” cried the chatelaine, hurrying towards one of the servants who
+had charge of the young count and watched over his precious days, “I
+have forbidden you ever to leave my son in the hands of strangers, not
+even in those of the holiest man in the world. You quit my service.”
+
+“Alas! my lady,” replied the old equerry, quite overcome, “this one
+wished him no harm for he wept while kissing him passionately.”
+
+“He wept?” said she; “ah! it’s the father.”
+
+Having said which, she leaned her head of upon the chair in which she
+was sitting, and which you may be sure was the chair in which she has
+sinned.
+
+Hearing these strange words the ladies was so surprised that at first
+they did not perceive that the seneschal’s widow was dead, without its
+ever been known if her sudden death was caused by her sorrow at the
+departure of her lover, who, faithful to his vow, did not wish to see
+her, or from great joy at his return and the hope of getting the
+interdict removed which the Abbot of Marmoustiers had placed upon
+their loves. And there was a great mourning for her, for the Sire de
+Jallanges lost his spirits when he saw his lady laid in the ground,
+and became a monk of Marmoustiers, which at that time was called by
+some Maimoustier, as much as to say Maius Monasterium, the largest
+monastery, and it was indeed the finest in all France.
+
+
+
+THE KING’S SWEETHEART
+
+There lived at this time at the forges of the Pont-aux-Change, a
+goldsmith whose daughter was talked about in Paris on account of her
+great beauty, and renowned above all things for her exceeding
+gracefulness. There were those who sought her favours by the usual
+tricks of love and, but others offered large sums of money to the
+father to give them his daughter in lawful wedlock, the which pleased
+him not a little.
+
+One of his neighbours, a parliamentary advocate, who by selling his
+cunning devices to the public had acquired as many lands as a dog has
+fleas, took it into his head to offer the said father a domain in
+consideration of his consent to this marriage, which he ardently
+desired to undertake. To this arrangement our goldsmith was nothing
+loth. He bargained away his daughter, without taking into
+consideration the fact that her patched-up old suitor had the features
+of an ape and had scarcely a tooth in his jaws. The smell which
+emanated from his mouth did not however disturb his own nostrils,
+although he was filthy and high flavoured, as are all those who pass
+their lives amid the smoke of chimneys, yellow parchment, and other
+black proceedings. Immediately this sweet girl saw him she exclaimed,
+“Great Heaven! I would rather not have him.”
+
+“That concerns me not,” said the father, who had taken a violent fancy
+to the proffered domain. “I give him to you for a husband. You must
+get on as well as you can together. That is his business now, and his
+duty is to make himself agreeable to you.”
+
+“Is it so?” said she. “Well then, before I obey your orders I’ll let
+him know what he may expect.”
+
+And the same evening, after supper, when the love-sick man of law was
+pleading his cause, telling her he was mad for her, and promising her
+a life of ease and luxury, she taking him up, quickly remarked--
+
+“My father had sold me to you, but if you take me, you will make a bad
+bargain, seeing that I would rather offer myself to the passers-by
+than to you. I promise you a disloyalty that will only finish with
+death--yours or mine.”
+
+Then she began to weep, like all young maidens will before they become
+experienced, for afterwards they never cry with their eyes. The good
+advocate took this strange behaviour for one of those artifices by
+which the women seek to fan the flames of love and turn the devotion
+of their admirers into the more tender caress and more daring
+osculation that speaks a husband’s right. So that the knave took
+little notice of it, but laughing at the complaints of the charming
+creature, asked her to fix the day.
+
+“To-morrow,” replied she, “for the sooner this odious marriage takes
+place, the sooner I shall be free to have gallants and to lead the gay
+life of those who love where it pleases them.”
+
+Thereupon the foolish fellow--as firmly fixed as a fly in a glue pot
+--went away, made his preparations, spoke at the Palace, ran to the
+High Court, bought dispensations, and conducted his purchase more
+quickly than he ever done one before, thinking only of the lovely girl.
+Meanwhile the king, who had just returned from a journey, heard
+nothing spoken of at court but the marvellous beauty of the jeweller’s
+daughter who had refused a thousand crowns from this one, snubbed that
+one; in fact, would yield to no one, but turned up her nose at the
+finest young men of the city, gentlemen who would have forfeited their
+seat in paradise only to possess one day, this little dragon of
+virtue.
+
+The good king, was a judge of such game, strolled into the town, past
+the forges, and entered the goldsmith’s shop, for the purpose of
+buying jewels for the lady of his heart, but at the same time to
+bargain for the most precious jewel in the shop. The king not taking a
+fancy to the jewels, or they not being to his taste, the good man
+looked in a secret drawer for a big white diamond.
+
+“Sweetheart,” said he, to the daughter, while her father’s nose was
+buried in the drawer, “sweetheart, you were not made to sell precious
+stones, but to receive them, and if you were to give me all the little
+rings in the place to choose from, I know one that many here are mad
+for; that pleases me; to which I should ever be subject and servant;
+and whose price the whole kingdom of France could never pay.”
+
+“Ah! sire!” replied the maid, “I shall be married to-morrow, but if
+you will lend me the dagger that is in your belt, I will defend my
+honour, and you shall take it, that the gospel made be observed
+wherein it says, ‘_Render unto Caesar the things which be
+Caesar’s’ . . ._”
+
+Immediately the king gave her the little dagger, and her brave reply
+rendered him so amorous that he lost his appetite. He had an apartment
+prepared, intending to lodge his new lady-love in the Rue a
+l’Hirundelle, in one of his palaces.
+
+And now behold my advocate, in a great hurry to get married, to the
+disgust of his rivals, the leading his bride to the altar to the clang
+of bells and the sound of music, so timed as to provoke the qualms of
+diarrhoea. In the evening, after the ball, comes he into the nuptial
+chamber, where should be reposing his lovely bride. No longer is she a
+lovely bride--but a fury--a wild she-devil, who, seated in an
+armchair, refuses her share of her lord’s couch, and sits defiantly
+before the fire warming at the same time her ire and her calves. The
+good husband, quite astonished, kneels down gently before her,
+inviting her to the first passage of arms in that charming battle
+which heralds a first night of love; but she utters not a word, and
+when he tries to raise her garment, only just to glance at the charms
+that have cost him so dear, she gives him a slap that makes his bones
+rattle, and refuses to utter a syllable.
+
+This amusement, however, by no means displeased our friend the
+advocate, who saw at the end of his troubles that which you can as
+well imagine as he did; so played he his share of the game manfully,
+taking cheerfully the punishment bestowed upon him. By so much
+hustling about, scuffling, and struggling he managed at last to tear
+away a sleeve, to slit a petticoat, until he was able to place his
+hand upon his own property. This bold endeavour brought Madame to her
+feet and drawing the king’s dagger, “What would you with me?” she
+cried.
+
+“Everything,” answered he.
+
+“Ha! I should be a great fool to give myself against my inclination!
+If you fancied you would find my virtue unarmed you made a great
+error. Behold the poniard of the king, with which I will kill you if
+you make the semblance of a step towards me.”
+
+So saying, she took a cinder, and having still her eyes upon her lord
+she drew a circle on the floor, adding, “These are the confines of the
+king’s domain. Beware how you pass them.”
+
+The advocate, with whose ideas of love-making the dagger sadly
+interfered, stood quite discomfited, but at the same time he heard the
+cruel speech of his tormentor he caught sight through the slits and
+tears in her robe of a sweet sample of a plump white thigh, and such
+voluptuous specimens of hidden mysteries, et cetera, that death seemed
+sweet to him if he could only taste of them a little. So that he
+rushed within the domain of the king, saying, “I mind not death.” In
+fact he came with such force that his charmer fell backwards onto the
+bed, but keeping her presence of mind she defended herself so
+gallantly that the advocate enjoyed no further advantage than a knock
+at the door that would not admit him, and he gained as well a little
+stab from the poniard which did not wound him deeply, so that it did
+not cost him very dearly, his attack upon the realm of his sovereign.
+But maddened with this slight advantage, he cried, “I cannot live
+without the possession of that lovely body, and those marvels of love.
+Kill me then!” And again he attacked the royal preserves. The young
+beauty, whose head was full of the king, was not even touched by this
+great love, said gravely, “If you menace me further, it is not you but
+myself I will kill.” She glared at him so savagely that the poor man
+was quite terrified, and commenced to deplore the evil hour in which
+he had taken her to wife, and thus the night which should have been so
+joyous, was passed in tears, lamentations, prayers, and ejaculations.
+In vain he tempted her with promises; she should eat out of gold, she
+should be a great lady, he would buy houses and lands for her. Oh! if
+she would only let him break one lance with her in the sweet conflict
+of love, he would leave her for ever and pass the remainder of his
+life according to her fantasy. But she, still unyielding, said she
+would permit him to die, and that was the only thing he could do to
+please her.
+
+“I have not deceived you,” said she. “Agreeable to my promise, I shall
+give myself to the king, making you a present of the peddler, chance
+passers, and street loungers with whom I threatened you.”
+
+When the day broke she put on her wedding garments and waited
+patiently till the poor husband had to depart to his office client’s
+business, and then ran out into the town to seek the king. But she had
+not gone a bow-shot from the house before one of the king’s servants
+who had watched the house from dawn, stopped her with the question--
+
+“Do you seek the king?”
+
+“Yes,” said she.
+
+“Good; then allow me to be your good friend,” said the subtle
+courtier. “I ask your aid and protection, as now I give you mine.”
+
+With that he told her what sort of a man the king was, which was his
+weak side, that he was passionate one day and silent the next, that
+she would luxuriously lodged and well kept, but that she must keep the
+king well in hand; in short, he chatted so pleasantly that the time
+passed quickly until she found herself in the Hotel de l’Hirundelle
+where afterwards lived Madame d’Estampes. The poor husband shed
+scalding tears, when he found his little bird had flown, and became
+melancholy and pensive. His friends and neighbours edified his ears
+with as many taunts and jeers as Saint Jacques had the honour of
+receiving in Compostella, but the poor fellow took it so to heart,
+that at last they tried rather to assuage his grief. These artful
+compeers by a species of legal chicanery, decreed that the good man
+was not a cuckold, seeing that his wife had refused a consummation,
+and if the planter of horns had been anyone but the king, the said
+marriage might have been dissolved; but the amorous spouse was
+wretched unto death at my lady’s trick. However, he left her to the
+king, determining one day to have her to himself, and thinking that a
+life-long shame would not be too dear a payment for a night with her.
+One must love well to love like that, eh? and there are many worldly
+ones, who mock at such affection. But he, still thinking of her,
+neglected his cases and his clients, his robberies and everything. He
+went to the palace like a miser searching for a lost sixpence, bowed
+down, melancholy, and absent-minded, so much so, that one day he
+relieved himself against the robe of a counsellor, believing all the
+while he stood against a wall. Meanwhile the beautiful girl was loved
+night and day by the king, who could not tear himself from her
+embraces, because in amorous play she was so excellent, knowing as
+well how to fan the flame of love as to extinguish it--to-day snubbing
+him, to-morrow petting him, never the same, and with it a thousand
+little tricks to charm the ardent lover.
+
+A lord of Bridore killed himself through her, because she would not
+receive his embraces, although he offered her his land, Bridore in
+Touraine. Of these gallants of Touraine, who gave an estate for one
+tilt with love’s lance, there are none left. This death made the fair
+one sad, and since her confessor laid the blame of it upon her, she
+determined for the future to accept all domains and secretly ease
+their owner’s amorous pains for the better saving of their souls from
+perdition. ‘Twas thus she commenced to build up that great fortune
+which made her a person of consideration in the town. By this means
+she prevented many gallant gentlemen from perishing, playing her game
+so well, and inventing such fine stories, that his Majesty little
+guessed how much she aided him in securing the happiness of his
+subjects. The fact is, she has such a hold over him that she could
+have made him believe the floor was the ceiling, which was perhaps
+easier for him to think than anyone else seeing that at the Rue
+d’Hirundelle my lord king passed the greater portion of his time
+embracing her always as though he would see if such a lovely article
+would wear away: but he wore himself out first, poor man, seeing that
+he eventually died from excess of love. Although she took care to
+grant her favours only to the best and noblest in the court, and that
+such occasions were rare as miracles, there were not wanting those
+among her enemies and rivals who declared that for 10,000 crowns a
+simple gentleman might taste the pleasures of his sovereign, which was
+false above all falseness, for when her lord taxed her with it, did
+she not reply, “Abominable wretches! Curse the devils who put this
+idea in your head! I never yet did have man who spent less than 30,000
+crowns upon me.”
+
+The king, although vexed could not repress a smile, and kept her on a
+month to silence scandal. And last, la demoiselle de Pisseleu, anxious
+to obtain her place, brought about her ruin. Many would have liked to
+be ruined in the same way, seeing she was taken by a young lord, was
+happy with him, the fires of love in her being still unquenched. But
+to take up the thread again. One day that the king’s sweetheart was
+passing through the town in her litter to buy laces, furs, velvets,
+broideries, and other ammunition, and so charmingly attired, and
+looking so lovely, that anyone, especially the clerks, would have
+believed the heavens were open above them, behold, her good man, who
+comes upon her near the old cross. She, at that time lazily swinging
+her charming little foot over the side of the litter, drew in her head
+as though she had seen an adder. She was a good wife, for I know some
+who would have proudly passed their husbands, to their shame and to
+the great disrespect of conjugal rights.
+
+“What is the matter?” asked one M. de Lannoy, who humbly accompanied
+her.
+
+“Nothing,” she whispered; “but that person is my husband. Poor man,
+how changed he looks. Formerly he was the picture of a monkey; today
+he is the very image of a Job.”
+
+The poor advocate stood opened-mouthed. His heart beat rapidly at the
+sight of that little foot--of that wife so wildly loved.
+
+Observing which, the Sire de Lannoy said to him, with courtly
+innocence--
+
+“If you are her husband, is that any reason you should stop her
+passage?”
+
+At this she burst out laughing, and the good husband instead of
+killing her bravely, shed scalding tears at that laugh which pierced
+his heart, his soul, his everything, so much that he nearly tumbled
+over an old citizen whom the sight of the king’s sweetheart had driven
+against the wall. The aspect of this weak flower, which had been his
+in the bud, but far from him had spread its lovely leaves; of the
+fairy figure, the voluptuous bust--all this made the poor advocate
+more wretched and more mad for her than it is possible to express in
+words. You must have been madly in love with a woman who refuses your
+advances thoroughly to understand the agony of this unhappy man. Rare
+indeed is it to be so infatuated as he was. He swore that life,
+fortune, honour--all might go, but that for once at least he would be
+flesh-to-flesh with her, and make so grand a repast off her dainty
+body as would suffice him all his life. He passed the night saying,
+“oh yes; ah! I’ll have her!” and “Curses am I not her husband?” and
+“Devil take me,” striking himself on the forehead and tossing about.
+There are chances and occasions which occur so opportunely in this
+world that little-minded men refuse them credence, saying they are
+supernatural, but men of high intellect know them to be true because
+they could not be invented. One of the chances came to the poor
+advocate, even the day after that terrible one which had been so sore
+a trial to him. One of his clients, a man of good renown, who had his
+audiences with the king, came one morning to the advocate, saying that
+he required immediately a large sum of money, about 12,000 crowns. To
+which the artful fellow replied, 12,000 crowns were not so often met
+at the corner of a street as that which often is seen at the corner of
+the street; that besides the sureties and guarantees of interest, it
+was necessary to find a man who had about him 12,000 crowns, and that
+those gentlemen were not numerous in Paris, big city as it was, and
+various other things of a like character the man of cunning remarked.
+
+“Is it true, my lord, the you have a hungry and relentless creditor?”
+ said he.
+
+“Yes, yes,” replied the other, “it concerns the mistress of the king.
+Don’t breathe a syllable; but this evening, in consideration of 20,000
+crowns and my domain of Brie, I shall take her measure.”
+
+Upon this the advocate blanched, and the courtier perceived he touched
+a tender point. As he had only lately returned from the wars, he did
+not know that the lovely woman adored by the king had a husband.
+
+“You appear ill,” he said.
+
+“I have a fever,” replied the knave. “But is it to her that you give
+the contract and the money?”
+
+“Yes.”
+
+“Who then manages the bargain? Is it she also?”
+
+“No,” said the noble; “her little arrangements are concluded through a
+servant of hers, the cleverest little ladies’-maid that ever was.
+She’s sharper than mustard, and these nights stolen from the king have
+lined her pockets well.”
+
+“I know a Lombard who would accommodate you. But nothing can be done;
+of the 12,000 crowns you shall not have a brass farthing if this same
+ladies’-maid does not come here to take the price of the article that
+is so great an alchemist that turns blood into gold, by Heaven!”
+
+“It will be a good trick to make her sign the receipt,” replied the
+lord, laughing.
+
+The servant came faithfully to the rendezvous with the advocate, who
+had begged the lord to bring her. The ducats looked bright and
+beautiful. There they lay all in a row, like nuns going to vespers.
+Spread out upon the table they would have made a donkey smile, even if
+he were being gutted alive; so lovely, so splendid, were those brave
+noble young piles. The good advocate, however, had prepared this view
+for no ass, for the little handmaiden look longingly at the golden
+heap, and muttered a prayer at the sight of them. Seeing which, the
+husband whispered in her ear his golden words, “These are for you.”
+
+“Ah!” said she; “I have never been so well paid.”
+
+“My dear,” replied the dear man, “you shall have them without being
+troubled with me;” and turning her round, “Your client has not told
+you who I am, eh? No? Learn then, I am the husband of the lady whom
+the king has debauched, and whom you serve. Carry her these crowns,
+and come back here. I will hand over yours to you on a condition which
+will be to your taste.”
+
+The servant did as she was bidden, and being very curious to know how
+she could get 12,000 crowns without sleeping with the advocate, was
+very soon back again.
+
+“Now, my little one,” said he, “here are 12,000 crowns. With this sum
+I could buy lands, men, women, and the conscience of three priests at
+least; so that I believe if I give it to you I can have you, body,
+soul, and toe nails. And I shall have faith in you like an advocate, I
+expect that you will go to the lord who expects to pass the night with
+my wife, and you will deceive him, by telling him that the king is
+coming to supper with her, and that to-night he must seek his little
+amusements elsewhere. By so doing I shall be able to take his place
+and the king’s.”
+
+“But how?” said she.
+
+“Oh!” replied he; “I have bought you, you and your tricks. You won’t
+have to look at these crowns twice without finding me a way to have my
+wife. In bringing this conjunction about you commit no sin. It is a
+work of piety to bring together two people whose hands only been put
+one in to the other, and that by the priest.”
+
+“By my faith, come,” said she; “after supper the lights will be put
+out, and you can enjoy Madame if you remain silent. Luckily, on these
+joyful occasions she cries more than she speaks, and asks questions
+with her hands alone, for she is very modest, and does not like loose
+jokes, like the ladies of the Court.”
+
+“Oh,” cried the advocate, “look, take the 12,000 crowns, and I promise
+you twice as much more if I get by fraud that which belongs to me by
+right.”
+
+Then he arranged the hour, the door, the signal, and all; and the
+servant went away, bearing with her on the back of the mules the
+golden treasure wrung by fraud and trickery from the widow and the
+orphan, and they were all going to that place where everything
+goes--save our lives, which come from it. Now behold my advocate, who
+shaves himself, scents himself, goes without onions for dinner that
+his breath may be sweet, and does everything to make himself as
+presentable as a gallant signor. He gives himself the airs of a young
+dandy, tries to be lithe and frisky and to disguise his ugly face; he
+might try all he knew, he always smelt of the musty lawyer. He was not
+so clever as the pretty washerwoman of Portillon who one day wishing
+to appear at her best before one of her lovers, got rid of a
+disagreeable odour in a manner well known to young women of an
+inventive turn of mind. But our crafty fellow fancied himself the
+nicest man in the world, although in spite of his drugs and perfumes
+he was really the nastiest. He dressed himself in his thinnest clothes
+although the cold pinched him like a rope collar and sallied forth,
+quickly gaining the Rue d’Hirundelle. There he had to wait some time.
+But just as he was beginning to think he had been made a fool of, and
+just as it was quite dark, the maid came down and opened alike the
+door to him and good husband slipped gleefully into the king’s
+apartment. The girl locked him carefully in a cupboard that was close
+to his wife’s bed, and through a crack he feasted his eyes upon her
+beauty, for she undressed herself before the fire, and put on a thin
+nightgown, through which her charms were plainly visible. Believing
+herself alone with her maid she made those little jokes that women
+will when undressing. “Am I not worth 20,000 crowns to-night? Is that
+overpaid with a castle in Brie?”
+
+And saying this she gently raised two white supports, firm as rocks,
+which had well sustained many assaults, seeing they had been furiously
+attacked and had not softened. “My shoulders alone are worth a
+kingdom; no king could make their equal. But I am tired of this life.
+That which is hard work is no pleasure.” The little maid smiled, and
+her lovely mistress said to her, “I should like to see you in my
+place.” Then the maid laughed, saying--
+
+“Be quiet, Madame, he is there.”
+
+“Who?”
+
+“Your husband.”
+
+“Which?”
+
+“The real one.”
+
+“Chut!” said Madame.
+
+And her maid told her the whole story, wishing to keep her favour and
+the 12,000 crowns as well.
+
+“Oh well, he shall have his money’s worth. I’ll give his desires time
+to cool. If he tastes me may I lose my beauty and become as ugly as a
+monkey’s baby. You get into bed in my place and thus gain the 12,000
+crowns. Go and tell him that he must take himself off early in the
+morning in order that I may not find out your trick upon me, and just
+before dawn I will get in by his side.”
+
+The poor husband was freezing and his teeth were chattering, and the
+chambermaid coming to the cupboard on pretence of getting some linen,
+said to him, “Your hour of bliss approaches. Madame to-night has made
+grand preparations and you will be well served. But work without
+whistling, otherwise I shall be lost.”
+
+At last, when the good husband was on the point of perishing with
+cold, the lights were put out. The maid cried softly in the curtains
+to the king’s sweetheart, that his lordship was there, and jumped into
+bed, while her mistress went out as if she had been the chambermaid.
+The advocate, released from his cold hiding-place, rolled rapturously
+into the warm sheets, thinking to himself, “Oh! this is good!” To tell
+the truth, the maid gave him his money’s worth--and the good man
+thought of the difference between the profusion of the royal houses
+and the niggardly ways of the citizens’ wives. The servant laughing,
+played her part marvellously well, regaling the knave with gentle
+cries, shiverings, convulsions and tossings about, like a newly-caught
+fish on the grass, giving little Ah! Ahs! in default of other words;
+and as often as the request was made by her, so often was it complied
+with by the advocate, who dropped of to sleep at last, like an empty
+pocket. But before finishing, the lover who wished to preserve a
+souvenir of this sweet night of love, by a dextrous turn, plucked out
+one of his wife’s hairs, where from I know not, seeing I was not
+there, and kept in his hand this precious gauge of the warm virtue of
+that lovely creature. Towards the morning, when the cock crew, the
+wife slipped in beside her husband, and pretended to sleep. Then the
+maid tapped gently on the happy man’s forehead, whispering in his ear,
+“It is time, get into your clothes and off you go--it’s daylight.” The
+good man grieved to lose his treasure, and wished to see the source of
+his vanished happiness.
+
+“Oh! Oh!” said he, proceeding to compare certain things, “I’ve got
+light hair, and this is dark.”
+
+“What have you done?” said the servant; “Madame will see she has been
+duped.”
+
+“But look.”
+
+“Ah!” said she, with an air of disdain, “do you not know, you who
+knows everything, that that which is plucked dies and discolours?” and
+thereupon roaring with laughter at the good joke, she pushed him out
+of doors. This became known. The poor advocate, named Feron, died of
+shame, seeing that he was the only one who had not his own wife while
+she, who was from this was called La Belle Feroniere, married, after
+leaving the king, a young lord, Count of Buzancois. And in her old
+days she would relate the story, laughingly adding, that she had never
+scented the knave’s flavour.
+
+This teaches us not to attach ourselves more than we can help to wives
+who refuse to support our yoke.
+
+
+
+                          THE DEVIL’S HEIR
+
+There once was a good old canon of Notre Dame de Paris, who lived in a
+fine house of his own, near St. Pierre-aux-Boeufs, in the Parvis. This
+canon had come a simple priest to Paris, naked as a dagger without its
+sheath. But since he was found to be a handsome man, well furnished
+with everything, and so well constituted, that if necessary he was
+able to do the work of many, without doing himself much harm, he gave
+himself up earnestly to the confessing of ladies, giving to the
+melancholy a gentle absolution, to the sick a drachm of his balm, to
+all some little dainty. He was so well known for his discretion, his
+benevolence, and other ecclesiastical qualities, that he had customers
+at Court. Then in order not to awaken the jealousy of the officials,
+that of the husbands and others, in short, to endow with sanctity
+these good and profitable practices, the Lady Desquerdes gave him a
+bone of St. Victor, by virtue of which all the miracles were
+performed. And to the curious it was said, “He has a bone which will
+cure everything;” and to this, no one found anything to reply, because
+it was not seemly to suspect relics. Beneath the shade of his cassock,
+the good priest had the best of reputations, that of a man valiant
+under arms. So he lived like a king. He made money with holy water;
+sprinkled it and transmitted the holy water into good wine. More than
+that, his name lay snugly in all the et ceteras of the notaries, in
+wills or in caudicils, which certain people have falsely written
+_codicil_, seeing that the word is derived from cauda, as if to say the
+tail of the legacy. In fact, the good old Long Skirts would have been
+made an archbishop if he had only said in joke, “I should like to put
+on a mitre for a handkerchief in order to have my head warmer.” Of all
+the benefices offered to him, he chose only a simple canon’s stall to
+keep the good profits of the confessional. But one day the courageous
+canon found himself weak in the back, seeing that he was all
+sixty-eight years old, and had held many confessionals. Then thinking
+over all his good works, he thought it about time to cease his
+apostolic labours, the more so, as he possessed about one hundred
+thousand crowns earned by the sweat of his body. From that day he only
+confessed ladies of high lineage, and did it very well. So that it was
+said at Court that in spite of the efforts of the best young clerks
+there was still no one but the Canon of St. Pierre-aux-Boeufs to
+properly bleach the soul of a lady of condition. Then at length the
+canon became by force of nature a fine nonagenarian, snowy about the
+head, with trembling hands, but square as a tower, having spat so much
+without coughing, that he coughed now without being able to spit; no
+longer rising from his chair, he who had so often risen for humanity;
+but drinking dry, eating heartily, saying nothing, but having all the
+appearance of a living Canon of Notre Dame. Seeing the immobility of
+the aforesaid canon; seeing the stories of his evil life which for
+some time had circulated among the common people, always ignorant;
+seeing his dumb seclusion, his flourishing health, his young old age,
+and other things too numerous to mention--there were certain people
+who to do the marvellous and injure our holy religion, went about
+saying that the true canon was long since dead, and that for more than
+fifty years the devil had taken possession of the old priest’s body.
+In fact, it seemed to his former customers that the devil could only
+by his great heat have furnished these hermetic distillations, that
+they remembered to have obtained on demand from this good confessor,
+who always had le diable au corps. But as this devil had been
+undoubtedly cooked and ruined by them, and that for a queen of twenty
+years he would not have moved, well-disposed people and those not
+wanting in sense, or the citizens who argued about everything, people
+who found lice in bald heads, demanded why the devil rested under the
+form of a canon, went to the Church of Notre Dame at the hours when
+the canons usually go, and ventured so far as to sniff the perfume of
+the incense, taste the holy water, and a thousand other things. To
+these heretical propositions some said that doubtless the devil wished
+to convert himself, and others that he remained in the shape of the
+canon to mock at the three nephews and heirs of this said brave
+confessor and make them wait until the day of their own death for the
+ample succession of this uncle, to whom they paid great attention
+every day, going to look if the good man had his eyes open, and in
+fact found him always with his eye clear, bright, and piercing as the
+eye of a basilisk, which pleased them greatly, since they loved their
+uncle very much--in words. On this subject an old woman related that
+for certain the canon was the devil, because his two nephews, the
+procureur and the captain, conducting their uncle at night, without a
+lamp, or lantern, returning from a supper at the penitentiary’s, had
+caused him by accident to tumble over a heap of stones gathered
+together to raise the statue of St. Christopher. At first the old man
+had struck fire in falling, but was, amid the cries of his dear
+nephews and by the light of the torches they came to seek at her house
+found standing up as straight as a skittle and as gay as a weaving
+whirl, exclaiming that the good wine of the penitentiary had given him
+the courage to sustain this shock and that his bones were exceedingly
+hard and had sustained rude assaults. The good nephews believing him
+dead, were much astonished, and perceived that the day that was to
+dispatch their uncle was a long way off, seeing that at the business
+stones were of no use. So that they did not falsely call him their
+good uncle, seeing that he was of good quality. Certain scandalmongers
+said that the canon found so many stones in his path that he stayed at
+home not to be ill with the stone, and the fear of worse was the cause
+of his seclusion.
+
+Of all these sayings and rumours, it remains that the old canon, devil
+or not, kept his house, and refused to die, and had three heirs with
+whom he lived as with his sciaticas, lumbagos, and other appendage of
+human life. Of the said three heirs, one was the wickedest soldier
+ever born of a woman, and he must have considerably hurt her in
+breaking his egg, since he was born with teeth and bristles. So that
+he ate, two-fold, for the present and the future, keeping wenches
+whose cost he paid; inheriting from his uncle the continuance,
+strength, and good use of that which is often of service. In great
+battles, he endeavoured always to give blows without receiving them,
+which is, and always will be, the only problem to solve in war, but he
+never spared himself there, and, in fact, as he had no other virtue
+except his bravery, he was captain of a company of lancers, and much
+esteemed by the Duke of Burgoyne, who never troubled what his soldiers
+did elsewhere. This nephew of the devil was named Captain Cochegrue;
+and his creditors, the blockheads, citizens, and others, whose pockets
+he slit, called him the Mau-cinge, since he was as mischievous as
+strong; but he had moreover his back spoilt by the natural infirmity
+of a hump, and it would have been unwise to attempt to mount thereon
+to get a good view, for he would incontestably have run you through.
+
+The second had studied the laws, and through the favour of his uncle
+had become a procureur, and practised at the palace, where he did the
+business of the ladies, whom formerly the canon had the best
+confessed. This one was called Pille-grue, to banter him upon his real
+name, which was Cochegrue, like that of his brother the captain.
+Pille-grue had a lean body, seemed to throw off very cold water, was
+pale of face, and possessed a physiognomy like a polecat.
+
+This notwithstanding, he was worth many a penny more than the captain,
+and had for his uncle a little affection, but since about two years
+his heart had cracked a little, and drop by drop his gratitude had run
+out, in such a way that from time to time, when the air was damp, he
+liked to put his feet into his uncle’s hose, and press in advance the
+juice of this good inheritance. He and his brother, the soldier found
+their share very small, since loyally, in law, in fact, in justice, in
+nature, and in reality, it was necessary to give the third part of
+everything to a poor cousin, son of another sister of the canon, the
+which heir, but little loved by the good man, remained in the country,
+where he was a shepherd, near Nanterre.
+
+The guardian of beasts, an ordinary peasant, came to town by the
+advice of his two cousins, who placed him in their uncle’s house, in
+the hope that, as much by his silly tricks and his clumsiness, his
+want of brain, and his ignorance, he would be displeasing to the
+canon, who would kick him out of his will. Now this poor Chiquon, as
+the shepherd was named, had lived about a month alone with his old
+uncle, and finding more profit or more amusement in minding an abbot
+than looking after sheep, made himself the canon’s dog, his servant,
+the staff of his old age, saying, “God keep you,” when he passed wind,
+“God save you,” when he sneezed, and “God guard you,” when he belched;
+going to see if it rained, where the cat was, remaining silent,
+listening, speaking, receiving the coughs of the old man in his face,
+admiring him as the finest canon there ever was in the world, all
+heartily and in good faith, knowing that he was licking him after the
+manner of animals who clean their young ones; and the uncle, who stood
+in no need of learning which side the bread was buttered, repulsed
+poor Chiquon, making him turn about like a die, always calling him
+Chiquon, and always saying to his other nephews that this Chiquon was
+helping to kill him, such a numskull was he. Thereupon, hearing this,
+Chiquon determined to do well by his uncle, and puzzled his
+understanding to appear better; but as he had a behind shaped like a
+pair of pumpkins, was broad shouldered, large limbed, and far from
+sharp, he more resembled old Silenus than a gentle Zephyr. In fact,
+the poor shepherd, a simple man, could not reform himself, so he
+remained big and fat, awaiting his inheritance to make himself thin.
+
+One evening the canon began discoursing concerning the devil and
+the grave agonies, penances, tortures, etc., which God will get warm
+for the accursed, and the good Chiquon hearing it, began to open his
+eyes as wide as the door of an oven, at the statement, without
+believing a word of it.
+
+“What,” said the canon, “are you not a Christian?”
+
+“In that, yes,” answered Chiquon.
+
+“Well, there is a paradise for the good; is it not necessary to have a
+hell for the wicked?”
+
+“Yes, Mr. Canon; but the devil’s of no use. If you had here a wicked
+man who turned everything upside down; would you not kick him out of
+doors?”
+
+“Yes, Chiquon.”
+
+“Oh, well, mine uncle; God would be very stupid to leave in the this
+world, which he has so curiously constructed, an abominable devil
+whose special business it is to spoil everything for him. Pish! I
+recognise no devil if there be a good God; you may depend upon that. I
+should very much like to see the devil. Ha, ha! I am not afraid of his
+claws!”
+
+“And if I were of your opinion I should have no care of my very
+youthful years in which I held confessions at least ten times a day.”
+
+“Confess again, Mr. Canon. I assure you that will be a precious merit
+on high.”
+
+“There, there! Do you mean it?”
+
+“Yes, Mr. Canon.”
+
+“Thou dost not tremble, Chiquon, to deny the devil?”
+
+“I trouble no more about it than a sheaf of corn.”
+
+“The doctrine will bring misfortune upon you.”
+
+“By no means. God will defend me from the devil because I believe him
+more learned and less stupid than the savans make him out.”
+
+Thereupon the two other nephews entered, and perceiving from the voice
+of the canon that he did not dislike Chiquon very much, and that the
+jeremiads which he had made concerning him were simple tricks to
+disguise the affection which he bore him, looked at each other in
+great astonishment.
+
+Then, seeing their uncle laughing, they said to him--
+
+“If you will make a will, to whom will you leave the house?
+
+“To Chiquon.”
+
+“And the quit rent of the Rue St. Denys?”
+
+“To Chiquon.”
+
+“And the fief of Ville Parisis?”
+
+“To Chiquon.”
+
+“But,” said the captain, with his big voice, “everything then will be
+Chiquon’s.”
+
+“No,” replied the canon, smiling, “because I shall have made my will
+in proper form, the inheritance will be to the sharpest of you three;
+I am so near to the future, that I can therein see clearly your
+destinies.”
+
+And the wily canon cast upon Chiquon a glance full of malice, like a
+decoy bird would have thrown upon a little one to draw him into her
+net. The fire of his flaming eye enlightened the shepherd, who from
+that moment had his understanding and his ears all unfogged, and his
+brain open, like that of a maiden the day after her marriage. The
+procureur and the captain, taking these sayings for gospel prophecies,
+made their bow and went out from the house, quite perplexed at the
+absurd designs of the canon.
+
+“What do you think of Chiquon?” said Pille-grue to Mau-cinge.
+
+“I think, I think,” said the soldier, growling, “that I think of
+hiding myself in the Rue d’Hierusalem, to put his head below his feet;
+he can pick it up again if he likes.”
+
+“Oh, oh!” said the procureur, “you have a way of wounding that is
+easily recognised, and people would say ‘It’s Cochegrue.’ As for me, I
+thought to invite him to dinner, after which, we would play at putting
+ourselves in a sack in order to see, as they do at Court, who could
+walk best thus attired. Then having sewn him up, we could throw him
+into the Seine, at the same time begging him to swim.”
+
+“This must be well matured,” replied the soldier.
+
+“Oh! it’s quite ripe,” said the advocate. “The cousin gone to the
+devil, the heritage would then be between us two.”
+
+“I’m quite agreeable,” said the fighter, “but we must stick as close
+together as the two legs of the same body, for if you are fine as
+silk, I as strong as steel, and daggers are always as good as traps
+--you hear that, my good brother.”
+
+“Yes,” said the advocate, “the cause is heard--now shall it be the
+thread or the iron?”
+
+“Eh? ventre de Dieu! is it then a king that we are going to settle?
+For a simple numskull of a shepherd are so many words necessary? Come!
+20,000 francs out of the Heritage to the one of us who shall first cut
+him off: I’ll say to him in good faith, ‘Pick up your head.’”
+
+“And I, ‘Swim my friend,’” cried the advocate, laughing like the gap
+of a pourpoint.
+
+And then they went to supper, the captain to his wench, and the
+advocate to the house of a jeweller’s wife, of whom he was the lover.
+
+Who was astonished? Chiquon! The poor shepherd heard the planning of
+his death, although the two cousins had walked in the parvis, and
+talked to each other as every one speaks at church when praying to
+God. So that Chiquon was much coupled to know if the words had come up
+or if his ears had gone down.
+
+“Do you hear, Mister Canon?”
+
+“Yes,” said he, “I hear the wood crackling in the fire.”
+
+“Ho, ho!” replied Chiquon, “if I don’t believe in the devil, I believe
+in St. Michael, my guardian angel; I go there where he calls me.”
+
+“Go, my child,” said the canon, “and take care not to wet yourself,
+nor to get your head knocked off, for I think I hear more rain, and
+the beggars in the street are not always the most dangerous beggars.”
+
+At these words Chiquon was much astonished, and stared at the canon;
+found his manner gay, his eye sharp, and his feet crooked; but as he
+had to arrange matters concerning the death which menaced him, he
+thought to himself that he would always have leisure to admire the
+canon, or to cut his nails, and he trotted off quickly through the
+town, as a little woman trots towards her pleasure.
+
+His two cousins having no presumption of the divinatory science, of
+which shepherds have had many passing attacks, had often talked before
+him of their secret goings on, counting him as nothing.
+
+Now one evening, to amuse the canon, Pille-grue had recounted to him
+how had fallen in love with him a wife of a jeweller on whose head he
+had adjusted certain carved, burnished, sculptured, historical horns,
+fit for the brow of a prince. The good lady was to hear him, a right
+merry wench, quick at opportunities, giving an embrace while her
+husband was mounting the stairs, devouring the commodity as if she was
+swallowing a a strawberry, only thinking of love-making, always
+trifling and frisky, gay as an honest woman who lacks nothing,
+contenting her husband, who cherished her so much as he loved his own
+gullet; subtle as a perfume, so much so, that for five years she
+managed so well with his household affairs, and her own love affairs,
+that she had the reputation of a prudent woman, the confidence of her
+husband, the keys of the house, the purse, and all.
+
+“And when do you play upon this gentle flute?” said the canon.
+
+“Every evening and sometimes I stay all the night.”
+
+“But how?” said the canon, astonished.
+
+“This is how. There is a room close to, a chest into which I get. When
+the good husband returns from his friend the draper’s, where he goes
+to supper every evening, because often he helps the draper’s wife in
+her work, my mistress pleads a slight illness, lets him go to bed
+alone, and comes to doctor her malady in the room where the chest is.
+On the morrow, when my jeweller is at his forge, I depart, and as the
+house has one exit on to the bridge, and another into the street, I
+always come to the door when the husband is not, on the pretext of
+speaking to him of his suits, which commence joyfully and heartily,
+and I never let them come to an end. It is an income from cuckoldom,
+seeing that in the minor expenses and loyal costs of the proceedings,
+he spends as much as on the horses in his stable. He loves me well, as
+all good cuckolds should love the man who aids them, to plant,
+cultivate, water and dig the natural garden of Venus, and he does
+nothing without me.”
+
+Now these practices came back again to the memory of the shepherd, who
+was illuminated by the light issuing from his danger, and counselled
+by the intelligence of those measures of self-preservation, of which
+every animal possesses a sufficient dose to go to the end of his ball
+of life. So Chiquon gained with hasty feet the Rue de la Calandre,
+where the jeweller should be supping with his companion, and after
+having knocked at the door, replied to question put to him through the
+little grill, that he was a messenger on state secrets, and was
+admitted to the draper’s house. Now coming straight to the fact, he
+made the happy jeweller get up from his table, led him to a corner,
+and said to him: “If one of your neighbours had planted a horn on your
+forehead and he was delivered to you, bound hand and foot, would you
+throw him into the river?”
+
+“Rather,” said the jeweller, “but if you are mocking me I’ll give you
+a good drubbing.”
+
+“There, there!” replied Chiquon, “I am one of your friends and come to
+warn you that as many times as you have conversed with the draper’s
+wife here, as often has your own wife been served the same way by the
+advocate Pille-grue, and if you will come back to your forge, you will
+find a good fire there. On your arrival, he who looks after your
+you-know-what, to keep it in good order, gets into the big clothes
+chest. Now make a pretence that I have bought the said chest of you,
+and I will be upon the bridge with a cart, waiting your orders.”
+
+The said jeweller took his cloak and his hat, and parted company with
+his crony without saying a word, and ran to his hole like a poisoned
+rat. He arrives and knocks, the door is opened, he runs hastily up the
+stairs, finds two covers laid, sees his wife coming out of the chamber
+of love, and then says to her, “My dear, here are two covers laid.”
+
+“Well, my darling are we not two?”
+
+“No,” said he, “we are three.”
+
+“Is your friend coming?” said she, looking towards the stairs with
+perfect innocence.
+
+“No, I speak of the friend who is in the chest.”
+
+“What chest?” said she. “Are you in your sound senses? Where do you
+see a chest? Is the usual to put friends in chests? Am I a woman to
+keep chests full of friends? How long have friends been kept in
+chests? Are you come home mad to mix up your friends with your chests?
+I know no other friend then Master Cornille the draper, and no other
+chest than the one with our clothes in.”
+
+“Oh!” said the jeweller, “my good woman, there is a bad young man,
+who has come to warn me that you allow yourself to be embraced by our
+advocate, and that he is in the chest.”
+
+“I!” said she, “I would not put up with his knavery, he does
+everything the wrong way.”
+
+“There, there, my dear,” replied the jeweller, “I know you to be a
+good woman, and won’t have a squabble with you about this paltry
+chest. The giver of the warning is a box-maker, to whom I am about to
+sell this cursed chest that I wish never again to see in my house, and
+for this one he will sell me two pretty little ones, in which there
+will not be space enough even for a child; thus the scandal and the
+babble of those envious of your virtue will be extinguished for want
+of nourishment.”
+
+“You give me great pleasure,” said she; “I don’t attach any value to
+my chest, and by chance there is nothing in it. Our linen is at the
+wash. It will be easy to have the mischievous chest taken away
+tomorrow morning. Will you sup?”
+
+“Not at all,” said he, “I shall sup with a better appetite without the
+chest.”
+
+“I see,” said she, “that you won’t easily get the chest out of your
+head.”
+
+“Halloa, there!” said the jeweller to his smiths and apprentices;
+“come down!”
+
+In the twinkling of an eye his people were before him. Then he, their
+master, having briefly ordered the handling of the said chest, this
+piece of furniture dedicated to love was tumbled across the room, but
+in passing the advocate, finding his feet in the air to the which he
+was not accustomed, tumbled over a little.
+
+“Go on,” said the wife, “go on, it’s the lid shaking.”
+
+“No, my dear, it’s the bolt.”
+
+And without any other opposition the chest slid gently down the
+stairs.
+
+“Ho there, carrier!” said the jeweller, and Chiquon came whistling his
+mules, and the good apprentices lifted the litigious chest into the
+cart.
+
+“Hi, hi!” said the advocate.
+
+“Master, the chest is speaking,” said an apprentice.
+
+“In what language?” said the jeweller, giving him a good kick between
+two features that luckily were not made of glass. The apprentice
+tumbled over on to a stair in a way that induced him to discontinue
+his studies in the language of chests. The shepherd, accompanied by
+the good jeweller, carried all the baggage to the water-side without
+listening to the high eloquence of the speaking wood, and having tied
+several stones to it, the jeweller threw it into the Seine.
+
+“Swim, my friend,” cried the shepherd, in a voice sufficiently jeering
+at the moment when the chest turned over, giving a pretty little
+plunge like a duck.
+
+Then Chiquon continued to proceed along the quay, as far as the
+Rue-du-port, St. Laudry, near the cloisters of Notre Dame. There he
+noticed a house, recognised the door, and knocked loudly.
+
+“Open,” said he, “open by order of the king.”
+
+Hearing this an old man who was no other than the famous Lombard,
+Versoris, ran to the door.
+
+“What is it?” said he.
+
+“I am sent by the provost to warn you to keep good watch tonight,”
+ replied Chiquon, “as for his own part he will keep his archers ready.
+The hunchback who has robbed you has come back again. Keep under arms,
+for he is quite capable of easing you of the rest.”
+
+Having said this, the good shepherd took to his heels and ran to the
+Rue des Marmouzets, to the house where Captain Cochegrue was feasting
+with La Pasquerette, the prettiest of town-girls, and the most
+charming in perversity that ever was; according to all the gay ladies,
+her glance was sharp and piercing as the stab of a dagger. Her
+appearance was so tickling to the sight, that it would have put all
+Paradise to rout. Besides which she was as bold as a woman who has no
+other virtue than her insolence. Poor Chiquon was greatly embarrassed
+while going to the quarter of the Marmouzets. He was greatly afraid
+that he would be unable to find the house of La Pasquerette, or find
+the two pigeons gone to roost, but a good angel arranged there
+speedily to his satisfaction. This is how. On entering the Rue des
+Marmouzets he saw several lights at the windows and night-capped heads
+thrust out, and good wenches, gay girls, housewives, husbands, and
+young ladies, all of them are just out of bed, looking at each other
+as if a robber were being led to execution by torchlight.
+
+“What’s the matter?” said the shepherd to a citizen who in great haste
+had rushed to the door with a chamber utensil in his hand.
+
+“Oh! it’s nothing,” replied the good man. “We thought it was the
+Armagnacs descending upon the town, but it’s only Mau-cinge beating La
+Pasquerette.”
+
+“Where?” asked the shepherd.
+
+“Below there, at that fine house where the pillars have the mouths of
+flying frogs delicately carved upon them. Do you hear the varlets and
+the serving maids?”
+
+And in fact there was nothing but cries of “Murder! Help! Come some
+one!” and in the house blows raining down and the Mau-cinge said with
+his gruff voice:
+
+“Death to the wench! Ah, you sing out now, do you? Ah, you want your
+money now, do you? Take that--”
+
+And La Pasquerette was groaning, “Oh! oh! I die! Help! Help! Oh! oh!”
+ Then came the blow of a sword and the heavy fall of a light body of
+the fair girl sounded, and was followed by a great silence, after
+which the lights were put out, servants, waiting women, roysterers,
+and others went in again, and the shepherd who had come opportunely
+mounted the stairs in company with them, but on beholding in the room
+above broken glasses, slit carpets, and the cloth on the floor with
+the dishes, everyone remained at a distance.
+
+The shepherd, bold as a man with but one end in view, opened the door
+of the handsome chamber where slept La Pasquerette, and found her
+quite exhausted, her hair dishevelled, and her neck twisted, lying
+upon a bloody carpet, and Mau-cinge frightened, with his tone
+considerably lower, and not knowing upon what note to sing the
+remainder of his anthem.
+
+“Come, my little Pasquerette, don’t pretend to be dead. Come, let me
+put you tidy. Ah! little minx, dead or alive, you look so pretty in
+your blood I’m going to kiss you.” Having said which the cunning
+soldier took her and threw her upon the bed, but she fell there all of
+a heap, and stiff as the body of a man that had been hanged. Seeing
+which her companion found it was time for his hump to retire from the
+game; however, the artful fellow before slinking away said, “Poor
+Pasquerette, how could I murder so good of girl, and one I loved so
+much? But, yes, I have killed her, the thing is clear, for in her life
+never did her sweet breast hang down like that. Good God, one would
+say it was a crown at the bottom of a wallet. Thereupon Pasquerette
+opened her eyes and then bent her head slightly to look at her flesh,
+which was white and firm, and she brought herself to life by a box on
+the ears, administered to the captain.
+
+“That will teach you to beware of the dead,” said she, smiling.
+
+“And why did he kill you, my cousin?” asked the shepherd.
+
+“Why? Tomorrow the bailiffs seize everything that’s here, and he who
+has no more money than virtue, reproached me because I wished to be
+agreeable to a handsome gentlemen, who would save me from the hands of
+justice.
+
+“Pasquerette, I’ll break every bone in your skin.”
+
+“There, there!” said Chiquon, whom the Mau-cinge had just recognised,
+“is that all? Oh, well, my good friend, I bring you a large sum.”
+
+“Where from?” asked the captain, astonished.
+
+“Come here, and let me whisper in your ear--if 30,000 crowns were
+walking about at night under the shadow of a pear-tree, would you not
+stoop down to pluck them, to prevent them spoiling?”
+
+“Chiquon, I’ll kill you like a dog if you are making game of me, or I
+will kiss you there where you like it, if you will put me opposite
+30,000 crowns, even when it shall be necessary to kill three citizens
+at the corner of the Quay.”
+
+“You will not even kill one. This is how the matter stands. I have for
+a sweetheart in all loyalty, the servant of the Lombard who is in the
+city near the house of our good uncle. Now I have just learned on
+sound information that this dear man has departed this morning into
+the country after having hidden under a pear-tree in his garden a good
+bushel of gold, believing himself to be seen only by the angels. But
+the girl who had by chance a bad toothache, and was taking the air at
+her garret window, spied the old crookshanks, without wishing to do
+so, and chattered of it to me in fondness. If you will swear to give
+me a good share I will lend you my shoulders in order that you may
+climb on to the top of the wall and from there throw yourself into the
+pear-tree, which is against the wall. There, now do you say that I am
+a blockhead, an animal?”
+
+“No, you are a right loyal cousin, an honest man, and if you have ever
+to put an enemy out off the way, I am there, ready to kill even one of
+my own friends for you. I am no longer your cousin, but your brother.
+Ho there! sweetheart,” cried Mau-cinge to La Pasquerette, “put the
+tables straight, wipe up your blood, it belongs to me, and I’ll pay
+you for it by giving you a hundred times as much of mine as I have
+taken of thine. Make the best of it, shake the black dog, off your
+back, adjust your petticoats, laugh, I wish it, look to the stew, and
+let us recommence our evening prayer where we left it off. Tomorrow
+I’ll make thee braver than a queen. This is my cousin whom I wish to
+entertain, even when to do so it were necessary to turn the house out
+of windows. We shall get back everything tomorrow in the cellars.
+Come, fall to!”
+
+Thus, and in less time than it takes a priest to say his Dominus
+vobiscum, the whole rookery passed from tears to laughter as it had
+previously from laughter to tears. It is only in these houses of
+ill-fame that love is made with the blow of a dagger, and where
+tempests of joy rage between four walls. But these are things ladies
+of the high-neck dress do not understand.
+
+The said captain Cochegrue was gay as a hundred schoolboys at the
+breaking up of class, and made his good cousin drink deeply, who
+spilled everything country fashion, and pretended to be drunk,
+spluttering out a hundred stupidities, as, that “tomorrow he would buy
+Paris, would lend a hundred thousand crowns to the king, that he would
+be able to roll in gold;” in fact, talked so much nonsense that the
+captain, fearing some compromising avowal and thinking his brain quite
+muddled enough, led him outside with the good intention, instead of
+sharing with him, of ripping Chiquon open to see if he had not a
+sponge in his stomach, because he had just soaked in a big quart of
+the good wine of Suresne. They went along, disputing about a thousand
+theological subjects which got very much mixed up, and finished by
+rolling quietly up against the garden where were the crowns of the
+Lombard. Then Cochegrue, making a ladder of Chiquon’s broad shoulders,
+jumped on to the pear-tree like a man expert in attacks upon towns,
+but Versoris, who was watching him, made a blow at his neck, and
+repeated it so vigorously that with three blows fell the upper portion
+of the said Cochegrue, but not until he had heard the clear voice of
+the shepherd, who cried to him, “Pick up your head, my friend.”
+ Thereupon the generous Chiquon, in whom virtue received its
+recompense, thought it would be wise to return to the house of the
+good canon, whose heritage was by the grace of God considerably
+simplified. Thus he gained the Rue St. Pierre-Aux-Boeufs with all
+speed, and soon slept like a new-born baby, no longer knowing the
+meaning of the word “cousin-german.” Now, on the morrow he rose
+according to the habit of shepherds, with the sun, and came into his
+uncle’s room to inquire if he spat white, if he coughed, if he had
+slept well; but the old servant told him that the canon, hearing the
+bells of St Maurice, the first patron of Notre Dame, ring for matins,
+he had gone out of reverence to the cathedral, where all the Chapter
+were to breakfast with the Bishop of Paris; upon which Chiquon
+replied: “Is his reverence the canon out of his senses thus to disport
+himself, to catch a cold, to get rheumatism? Does he wish to die? I’ll
+light a big fire to warm him when he returns;” and the good shepherd
+ran into the room where the canon generally sat, and to his great
+astonishment beheld him seated in his chair.
+
+“Ah, ah! What did she mean, that fool of a Bruyette? I knew you were
+too well advised to be shivering at this hour in your stall.”
+
+The canon said not a word. The shepherd who was like all thinkers, a
+man of hidden sense, was quite aware that sometimes old men have
+strange crotchets, converse with the essence of occult things, and
+mumble to themselves discourses concerning matters not under
+consideration; so that, from reverence and great respect for the
+secret meditations of the canon, he went and sat down at a distance,
+and waited the termination of these dreams; noticing, silently the
+length of the good man’s nails, which looked like cobbler’s awls, and
+looking attentively at the feet of his uncle, he was astonished to see
+the flesh of his legs so crimson, that it reddened his breeches and
+seemed all on fire through his hose.
+
+He is dead, thought Chiquon. At this moment the door of the room
+opened, and he still saw the canon, who, his nose frozen, came back
+from church.
+
+“Ho, ho!” said Chiquon, “my dear Uncle, are you out of your senses?
+Kindly take notice that you ought not to be at the door, because you
+are already seated in your chair in the chimney corner, and that it is
+impossible for there to be two canons like you in the world.”
+
+“Ah! Chiquon, there was a time when I could have wished to be in two
+places at once, but such is not the fate of a man, he would be too
+happy. Are you getting dim-sighted? I am alone here.”
+
+Then Chiquon turned his head towards the chair, and found it empty;
+and much astonished, as you will easily believe, he approached it, and
+found on the seat a little pat of cinders, from which ascended a
+strong odour of sulphur.
+
+“Ah!” said he merrily, “I perceive that the devil has behaved well
+towards me--I will pray God for him.”
+
+And thereupon he related naively to the canon how the devil had amused
+himself by playing at providence, and had loyally aided him to get rid
+of his wicked cousins, the which the canon admired much, and thought
+very good, seeing that he had plenty of good sense left, and often had
+observed things which were to the devil’s advantage. So the good old
+priest remarked that ‘as much good was always met with in evil as evil
+in good, and that therefore one should not trouble too much after the
+other world, the which was a grave heresy, which many councils have
+put right’.
+
+And this was how the Chiquons became rich, and were able in these
+times, by the fortunes of their ancestors, to help to build the bridge
+of St. Michael, where the devil cuts a very good figure under the
+angel, in memory of this adventure now consigned to these veracious
+histories.
+
+
+
+            THE MERRIE JESTS OF KING LOUIS THE ELEVENTH
+
+King Louis The Eleventh was a merry fellow, loving a good joke, and
+--the interests of his position as king, and those of the church on
+one side--he lived jovially, giving chase to soiled doves as often as
+to hares, and other royal game. Therefore, the sorry scribblers who
+have made him out a hypocrite, showed plainly that they knew him not,
+since he was a good friend, good at repartee, and a jollier fellow
+than any of them.
+
+It was he who said when he was in a merry mood, that four things are
+excellent and opportune in life--to keep warm, to drink cool, to stand
+up hard, and to swallow soft. Certain persons have accused him of
+taking up with a dirty trollops; this is a notorious falsehood, since
+all his mistresses, of whom one was legitimised, came of good houses
+and had notable establishments. He did not go in for waste and
+extravagance, always put his hand upon the solid, and because certain
+devourers of the people found no crumbs at his table, they have all
+maligned him. But the real collector of facts know that the said king
+was a capital fellow in private life, and even very agreeable; and
+before cutting off the heads of his friends, or punishing them--for he
+did not spare them--it was necessary that they should have greatly
+offended him, and his vengeance was always justice; I have only seen
+in our friend Verville that this worthy sovereign ever made a mistake;
+but one does not make a habit, and even for this his boon companion
+Tristan was more to blame than he, the king. This is the circumstance
+related by the said Verville, and I suspect he was cracking a joke. I
+reproduce it because certain people are not familiar with the
+exquisite work of my perfect compatriot. I abridge it and only give
+the substance, the details being more ample, of which facts the savans
+are not ignorant.
+
+Louis XI. had given the Abbey of Turpenay (mentioned in ‘Imperia’) to
+a gentleman who, enjoying the revenue, had called himself Monsieur de
+Turpenay. It happened that the king being at Plessis-les-Tours, the
+real abbot, who was a monk, came and presented himself before the
+king, and presented also a petition, remonstrating with him that,
+canonically and a monastically, he was entitled to the abbey and that
+the usurping gentleman wronged of his right, and therefore he called
+upon his majesty to have justice done to him. Nodding his peruke, the
+king promised to render him contented. This monk, importunate as are
+all hooded animals, came often at the end of the king’s meals, who,
+bored with the holy water of the convent, called friend Tristan and
+said to him: “Old fellow, there is here a Turpenay who angers me, rid
+the world of him for me.” Tristan, taking a frock for a monk, or a
+monk for a frock, came to this gentleman, whom all the court called
+Monsieur de Turpenay, and having accosted him managed to lead him to
+one side, and taking him by the button-hole gave him to understand
+that the king desired he should die. He tried to resist, supplicating
+and supplicating to escape, but in no way could he obtain a hearing.
+He was delicately strangled between the head and shoulders, so that he
+expired; and, three hours afterwards, Tristan told the king that he
+was discharged. It happened five days afterwards, which is the space
+in which souls come back again, that the monk came into the room where
+the king was, and when he saw him he was much astonished. Tristan was
+present: the king called him, and whispered into his ear--
+
+“You have not done that which I told you to.”
+
+“Saving your Grace I have done it. Turpenay is dead.”
+
+“Eh? I meant this monk.”
+
+“I understood the gentleman!”
+
+“What, is it done then?”
+
+“Yes, sire,”
+
+“Very well then”--turning towards the monk--“come here, monk.” The
+monk approached. The king said to him, “Kneel down!” The poor monk
+began to shiver in his shoes. But the king said to him, “Thank God
+that he has not willed that you should be killed as I had ordered. He
+who took your estates has been instead. God has done you justice. Go
+and pray God for me, and don’t stir out of your convent.”
+
+The proves the good-heartedness of Louis XI. He might very well have
+hanged the monk, the cause of the error. As for the said gentleman, he
+died in the king’s service.
+
+In the early days of his sojourn at Plessis-les-Tours king Louis, not
+wishing to hold his drinking-bouts and give vent to his rakish
+propensities in his chateau, out of respect to her Majesty (a kingly
+delicacy which his successors have not possessed) became enamoured of
+a lady named Nicole Beaupertuys, who was, to tell the truth, wife of a
+citizen of the town. The husband he sent into Ponent, and put the said
+Nicole in a house near Chardonneret, in that part which is the Rue
+Quincangrogne, because it was a lonely place, far from other
+habitations. The husband and the wife were thus both in his service,
+and he had by La Beaupertuys a daughter, who died a nun. This Nicole
+had a tongue as sharp as a popinjay’s, was of stately proportions,
+furnished with large beautiful cushions of nature, firm to the touch,
+white as the wings of an angel, and known for the rest to be fertile
+in peripatetic ways, which brought it to pass that never with her was
+the same thing encountered twice in love, so deeply had she studied
+the sweet solutions of the science, the manners of accommodating the
+olives of Poissy, the expansions of the nerves, and hidden doctrines
+of the breviary, the which much delighted the king. She was as gay as
+a lark, always laughing and singing, and never made anyone miserable,
+which is the characteristic of women of this open and free nature, who
+have always an occupation--an equivocal one if you like. The king
+often went with the hail-fellows his friends to the lady’s house, and
+in order not to be seen always went at night-time, and without his
+suite. But being always distrustful, and fearing some snare, he gave
+to Nicole all the most savage dogs he had in his kennels, beggars that
+would eat a man without saying “By your leave,” the which royal dogs
+knew only Nicole and the king. When the Sire came Nicole let them
+loose in the garden, and the door of the house being sufficiently
+barred and closely shut, the king put the keys in his pocket, and in
+perfect security gave himself up, with his satellites, to every kind
+of pleasure, fearing no betrayal, jumping about at will, playing
+tricks, and getting up good games. Upon these occasions friend Tristan
+watched the neighbourhood, and anyone who had taken a walk on the Mall
+of Chardonneret would be rather quickly placed in a position in which
+it would have been easy to give the passers-by a benediction with his
+feet, unless he had the king’s pass, since often would Louis send out
+in search of lasses for his friends, or people to entertain him with
+the amusements suggested by Nicole or the guests. People of Tours were
+there for these little amusements, to whom he gently recommended
+silence, so that no one knew of these pastimes until after his death.
+The farce of “_Baisez mon cul_” was, it is said, invented by the said
+Sire. I will relate it, although it is not the subject of this tale,
+because it shows the natural comicality and humour of this merry
+monarch. They were at Tours three well known misers: the first was
+Master Cornelius, who is sufficiently well known; the second was
+called Peccard, and sold the gilt-work, coloured papers, and jewels
+used in churches; the third was hight Marchandeau, and was a very
+wealthy vine-grower. These two men of Touraine were the founders of
+good families, notwithstanding their sordidness. One evening that the
+king was with Beaupertuys, in a good humour, having drunk heartily,
+joked heartily, and offered early in the evening his prayer in
+Madame’s oratory, he said to Le Daim his crony, to the Cardinal, La
+Balue, and to old Dunois, who were still soaking, “Let us have a good
+laugh! I think it will be a good joke to see misers before a bag of
+gold without being able to touch it. Hi, there!”
+
+Hearing which, appeared one of his varlets.
+
+“Go,” said he, “seek my treasurer, and let him bring hither six
+thousand gold crowns--and at once! And you will go and seize the
+bodies of my friend Cornelius, of the jeweller of the Rue de Cygnes,
+and of old Marchandeau, and bring them here, by order of the king.”
+
+Then he began to drink again, and to judiciously wrangle as to which
+was the better, a woman with a gamy odour or a woman who soaped
+herself well all over; a thin one or a stout one; and as the company
+comprised the flower of wisdom it was decided that the best was the
+one a man had all to himself like a plate of warm mussels, at that
+precise moment when God sent him a good idea to communicate to her.
+The cardinal asked which was the most precious thing to a lady; the
+first or the last kiss? To which La Beaupertuys replied: “that it was
+the last, seeing that she knew then what she was losing, while at the
+first she did not know what she would gain.” During these sayings, and
+others which have most unfortunately been lost, came the six thousand
+gold crowns, which were worth all three hundred thousand francs of
+to-day, so much do we go on decreasing in value every day. The king
+ordered the crowns to be arranged upon a table, and well lighted up,
+so that they shone like the eyes of the company which lit up
+involuntarily, and made them laugh in spite of themselves. They did
+not wait long for the three misers, whom the varlet led in, pale and
+panting, except Cornelius, who knew the king’s strange freaks.
+
+“Now then, my friends,” said Louis to them, “have a good look at the
+crowns on the table.”
+
+And the three townsmen nibbled at them with their eyes. You may reckon
+that the diamond of La Beaupertuys sparkled less than their little
+minnow eyes.
+
+“These are yours,” added the king.
+
+Thereupon they ceased to admire the crowns to look at each other; and
+the guests knew well that old knaves are more expert in grimaces than
+any others, because of their physiognomies becoming tolerably curious,
+like those of cats lapping up milk, or girls titillated with marriage.
+
+“There,” said the king, “all that shall be his who shall say three
+times to the two others, ‘_Baisez mon cul_’, thrusting his hand into the
+gold; but if he be not as serious as a fly who had violated his
+lady-love, if he smile while repeating the jest, he will pay ten crowns
+to Madame. Nevertheless he can essay three times.”
+
+“That will soon be earned,” said Cornelius, who, being a Dutchman, had
+his lips as often compressed and serious as Madame’s mouth was often
+open and laughing. Then he bravely put his hands on the crowns to see
+if they were good, and clutched them bravely, but as he looked at the
+others to say civilly to them, “_Baisez mon cul_,” the two misers,
+distrustful of his Dutch gravity, replied, “Certainly, sir,” as if he
+had sneezed. The which caused all the company to laugh, and even
+Cornelius himself. When the vine-grower went to take the crowns he
+felt such a commotion in his cheeks that his old scummer face let
+little laughs exude from its pores like smoke pouring out of a
+chimney, and he could say nothing. Then it was the turn of the
+jeweller, who was a little bit of a bantering fellow, and whose lips
+were as tightly squeezed as the neck of a hanged man. He seized a
+handful of the crowns, looked at the others, even the king, and said,
+with a jeering air, “_Baisez mon cul_.”
+
+“Is it dirty?” asked the vine-dresser.
+
+“Look and see,” replied the jeweller, gravely.
+
+Thereupon the king began to tremble for these crowns, since the said
+Peccard began again, without laughing, and for the third time was
+about to utter the sacramental word, when La Beaupertuys made a sign
+of consent to his modest request, which caused him to lose his
+countenance, and his mouth broke up into dimples.
+
+“How did you do it?” asked Dunois, “to keep a grave face before six
+thousand crowns?”
+
+“Oh, my lord, I thought first of one of my cases which is tried
+tomorrow, and secondly, of my wife who is a sorry plague.”
+
+The desire to gain this good round sum made them try again, and the
+king amused himself for about an hour at the expression of these
+faces, the preparations, jokes, grimaces, and other monkey’s
+paternosters that they performed; but they were bailing their boats
+with a sieve, and for men who preferred closing their fists to opening
+them it was a bitter sorrow to have to count out, each one, a hundred
+crown to Madame.
+
+When they were gone, and Nicole said boldly to the king, “Sire will
+you let me try?”
+
+“Holy Virgin!” replied Louis; “no! I can kiss you for less money.”
+
+That was said like a thrifty man, which indeed he always was.
+
+One evening the fat Cardinal La Balue carried on gallantly with words
+and actions, a little farther than the canons of the Church permitted
+him, with this Beaupertuys, who luckily for herself, was a clever
+hussy, not to be asked with impunity how many holes there were in her
+mother’s chemise.
+
+“Look you here, Sir Cardinal!” said she; “the thing which the king
+likes is not to receive the holy oils.”
+
+Then came Oliver le Daim, whom she would not listen to either, and to
+whose nonsense she replied, that she would ask the king if he wished
+her to be shaved.
+
+Now as the said shaver did not supplicate her to keep his proposals
+secret, she suspected that these little plots were ruses practised by
+the king, whose suspicions had perhaps been aroused by her friends.
+Now, for being able to revenge herself upon Louis, she at least
+determined to pay out the said lords, to make fools of them, and amuse
+the king with the tricks she would play upon them. One evening that
+they had come to supper, she had a lady of the city with her, who
+wished to speak with the king. This lady was a lady of position, who
+wished asked the king pardon for her husband, the which, in
+consequence of this adventure, she obtained. Nicole Beaupertuys having
+led the king aside for a moment into an antechamber, told him to make
+their guests drink hard and eat to repletion; that he was to make
+merry and joke with them; but when the cloth was removed, he was to
+pick quarrels with them about trifles, dispute their words, and be
+sharp with them; and that she would then divert him by turning them
+inside out before him. But above all things, he was to be friendly to
+the said lady, and it was to appear as genuine, as if she enjoyed the
+perfume of his favour, because she had gallantly lent herself to this
+good joke.
+
+“Well, gentlemen,” said the king, re-entering the room, “let us fall
+to; we have had a good day’s sport.”
+
+And the surgeon, the cardinal, a fat bishop, the captain of the Scotch
+Guard, a parliamentary envoy, and a judge loved of the king, followed
+the two ladies into the room where one rubs the rust off one’s jaw
+bones. And there they lined the mold of their doublets. What is that?
+It is to pave the stomach, to practice the chemistry of nature, to
+register the various dishes, to regale your tripes, to dig your grave
+with your teeth, play with the sword of Cain, to inter sauces, to
+support a cuckold. But more philosophically it is to make ordure with
+one’s teeth. Now, do you understand? How many words does it require to
+burst open the lid of your understanding?
+
+The king did not fail to distill into his guests this splendid and
+first-class supper. He stuffed them with green peas, returning to the
+hotch-potch, praising the plums, commending the fish, saying to one,
+“Why do you not eat?” to another, “Drink to Madame”; to all of them,
+“Gentlemen, taste these lobsters; put this bottle to death! You do not
+know the flavour of this forcemeat. And these lampreys--ah! what do
+you say to them? And by the Lord! The finest barbel ever drawn from
+the Loire! Just stick your teeth into this pastry. This game is my own
+hunting; he who takes it not offends me.” And again, “Drink, the
+king’s eyes are the other way. Just give your opinion of these
+preserves, they are Madame’s own. Have some of these grapes, they are
+my own growing. Have some medlars.” And while inducing them to swell
+out their abdominal protuberances, the good monarch laughed with them,
+and they joked and disputed, and spat, and blew their noses, and
+kicked up just as though the king had not been with them. Then so much
+victuals had been taken on board, so many flagons drained and stews
+spoiled, that the faces of the guests were the colour of cardinals
+gowns, and their doublets appeared ready to burst, since they were
+crammed with meat like Troyes sausages from the top to the bottom of
+their paunches. Going into the saloon again, they broke into a profuse
+sweat, began to blow, and to curse their gluttony. The king sat
+quietly apart; each of them was the more willing to be silent because
+all their forces were required for the intestinal digestion of the
+huge platefuls confined in their stomachs, which began to wabble and
+rumble violently. One said to himself, “I was stupid to eat of that
+sauce.” Another scolded himself for having indulged in a plate of eels
+cooked with capers. Another thought to himself, “Oh! oh! The forcemeat
+is serving me out.” The cardinal, who was the biggest bellied man of
+the lot, snorted through his nostrils like a frightened horse. It was
+he who was first compelled to give vent to a loud sounding belch, and
+then he soon wished himself in Germany, where this is a form of
+salutation, for the king hearing this gastric language looked at the
+cardinal with knitted brows.
+
+“What does this mean?” said he, “am I a simple clerk?”
+
+This was heard with terror, because usually the king made much of a
+good belch well off the stomach. The other guests determined to get
+rid in another way of the vapours which were dodging about in their
+pancreatic retorts; and at first they endeavoured to hold them for a
+little while in the pleats of their mesenteries. It was then that some
+of them puffed and swelled like tax-gatherers. Beaupertuys took the
+good king aside and said to him--
+
+“Know now that I have had made by the Church jeweller Peccard, two
+large dolls, exactly resembling this lady and myself. Now when
+hard-pressed by the drugs which I have put in their goblets, they
+desire to mount the throne to which we are now about to pretend to go,
+they will always find the place taken; by this means you will enjoy
+their writhings.”
+
+Thus having said, La Beaupertuys disappeared with the lady to go and
+turn the wheel, after the custom of women, and of which I will tell
+you the origin in another place. And after an honest lapse of water,
+Beaupertuys came back alone, leaving it to be believed that she had
+left the lady at the little laboratory of natural alchemy. Thereupon
+the king, singling out the cardinal, made him get up, and talked with
+him seriously of his affairs, holding him by the tassel of his amice.
+To all that the king said, La Balue replied, “Yes, sir,” to be
+delivered from this favour, and slip out of the room, since the water
+was in his cellars, and he was about to lose the key of his back-door.
+All the guests were in a state of not knowing how to arrest the
+progress of the fecal matter to which nature has given, even more than
+to water, the property of finding a certain level. Their substances
+modified themselves and glided working downward, like those insects
+who demand to be let out of their cocoons, raging, tormenting, and
+ungrateful to the higher powers; for nothing is so ignorant, so
+insolent as those cursed objects, and they are importunate like all
+things detained to whom one owes liberty. So they slipped at every
+turn like eels out of a net, and each one had need of great efforts
+and science not to disgrace himself before the king. Louis took great
+pleasure in interrogating his guests, and was much amused with the
+vicissitudes of their physiognomies, on which were reflected the dirty
+grimaces of their writhings. The counsellor of justice said to Oliver,
+“I would give my office to be behind a hedge for half a dozen
+seconds.”
+
+“Oh, there is no enjoyment to equal a good stool; and now I am no
+longer astonished at sempiternal droppings of a fly,” replied the
+surgeon.
+
+The cardinal believing that the lady had obtained her receipt from the
+bank of deposit, left the tassels of his girdle in the king’s hand,
+making a start as if he had forgotten to say his prayers, and made his
+way towards the door.
+
+“What is the matter with you, Monsieur le Cardinal?” said the king.
+
+“By my halidame, what is the matter with me? It appears that all your
+affairs are very extensive, sire!”
+
+The cardinal had slipped out, leaving the others astonished at his
+cunning. He proceeded gloriously towards the lower room, loosening a
+little the strings of his purse; but when he opened the blessed little
+door he found the lady at her functions upon the throne, like a pope
+about to be consecrated. Then restraining his impatience, he descended
+the stairs to go into the garden. However, on the last steps the
+barking of the dogs put him in great fear of being bitten in one of
+his precious hemispheres; and not knowing where to deliver himself of
+his chemical produce he came back into the room, shivering like a man
+who has been in the open air! The others seeing the cardinal return,
+imagined that he had emptied his natural reservoirs, unburdened his
+ecclesiastical bowels, and believed him happy. Then the surgeon rose
+quickly, as if to take note of the tapestries and count the rafters,
+but gained the door before anyone else, and relaxing his sphincter in
+advance, he hummed a tune on his way to the retreat; arrived there he
+was compelled, like La Balue, to murmur words of excuse to this
+student of perpetual motion, shutting the door with as promptitude as
+he opened it; and he came back burdened with an accumulation which
+seriously impeded his private channels. And in the same way went to
+guests one after the other, without being able to unburden themselves
+of their sauces, as soon again found themselves all in the presence of
+Louis the Eleventh, as much distressed as before, looking at each
+other slyly, understanding each other better with their tails than
+they ever understood with their mouths, for there is never any
+equivoque in the transactions of the parts of nature, and everything
+therein is rational and of easy comprehension, seeing that it is a
+science which we learn at our birth.
+
+“I believe,” said the cardinal to the surgeon, “that lady will go on
+until to-morrow. What was La Beaupertuys about to ask such a case of
+diarrhoea here?”
+
+“She’s been an hour working at what I could get done in a minute. May
+the fever seize her” cried Oliver le Daim.
+
+All the courtiers seized with colic were walking up and down to make
+their importunate matters patient, when the said lady reappeared in
+the room. You can believe they found her beautiful and graceful, and
+would willingly have kissed her, there where they so longed to go; and
+never did they salute the day with more favour than this lady, the
+liberator of the poor unfortunate bodies. La Balue rose; the others,
+from honour, esteem, and reverence of the church, gave way to the
+clergy, and, biding their time, they continued to make grimaces, at
+which the king laughed to himself with Nicole, who aided him to stop
+the respiration of these loose-bowelled gentlemen. The good Scotch
+captain, who more than all the others had eaten of a dish in which the
+cook had put an aperient powder, became the victim of misplaced
+confidence. He went ashamed into a corner, hoping that before the
+king, his mishap might escape detection. At this moment the cardinal
+returned horribly upset, because he had found La Beaupertuys on the
+episcopal seat. Now, in his torments, not knowing if she were in the
+room, he came back and gave vent to a diabolical “Oh!” on beholding
+her near his master.
+
+“What do you mean?” exclaimed the king, looking at the priest in a way
+to give him the fever.
+
+“Sire,” said La Balue, insolently, “the affairs of purgatory are in my
+ministry, and I am bound to inform you that there is sorcery going on
+in this house.”
+
+“Ah! little priest, you wish to make game of me!” said the king.
+
+At these words the company were in a terrible state.
+
+“So you treat me with disrespect?” said the king, which made them turn
+pale. “Ho, there! Tristan, my friend!” cried Louis XI. from the
+window, which he threw up suddenly, “come up here!”
+
+The grand provost of the hotel was not long before he appeared; and as
+these gentlemen were all nobodies, raised to their present position by
+the favour of the king, Louis, in a moment of anger, could crush them
+at will; so that with the exception of the cardinal who relied upon
+his cassock, Tristan found them all rigid and aghast.
+
+“Conduct these gentleman to the Pretorium, on the Mall, my friend,
+they have disgraced themselves through over-eating.”
+
+“Am I not good at jokes?” said Nicole to him.
+
+“The farce is good, but it is fetid,” replied he, laughing.
+
+This royal answer showed the courtiers that this time the king did not
+intend to play with their heads, for which they thanked heaven. The
+monarch was partial to these dirty tricks. He was not at all a bad
+fellow, as the guests remarked while relieving themselves against the
+side of the Mall with Tristan, who, like a good Frenchman, kept them
+company, and escorted them to their homes. This is why since that time
+the citizens of Tours had never failed to defile the Mall of
+Chardonneret, because the gentlemen of the court had been there.
+
+I will not leave this great king without committing to writing this
+good joke which he played upon La Godegrand, who was an old maid, much
+disgusted that she had not, during the forty years she had lived, been
+able to find a lid to her saucepan, enraged, in her yellow skin, that
+she still was as virgin as a mule. This old maid had her apartments on
+the other side of the house which belonged to La Beaupertuys, at the
+corner of the Rue de Hierusalem, in such a position that, standing on
+the balcony joining the wall, it was easy to see what she was doing,
+and hear what she was saying in the lower room where she lived; and
+often the king derived much amusement from the antics of the old girl,
+who did not know that she was so much within the range of his
+majesty’s culverin. Now one market day it happened that the king had
+caused to be hanged a young citizen of Tours, who had violated a noble
+lady of a certain age, believing that she was a young maiden. There
+would have been no harm in this, and it would have been a thing
+greatly to the credit of the said lady to have been taken for a
+virgin; but on finding out his mistake, he had abominably insulted
+her, and suspecting her of trickery, had taken it into his head to rob
+her of a splendid silver goblet, in payment of the present he had just
+made her. This young man had long hair, and was so handsome that the
+whole town wished to see him hanged, both from regret and out of
+curiosity. You may be sure that at this hanging there were more caps
+than hats. Indeed, the said young man swung very well; and after the
+fashion and custom of persons hanged, he died gallantly with his lance
+couched, which fact made a great noise in the town. Many ladies said
+on this subject that it was a murder not to have preserved so fine a
+fellow from the scaffold.
+
+“Suppose we were to put this handsome corpse in the bed of La
+Godegrand,” said La Beaupertuys to the king.
+
+“We should terrify her,” replied Louis.
+
+“Not at all, sire. Be sure that she will welcome even a dead man, so
+madly does she long for a living one. Yesterday I saw her making love
+to a young man’s cap placed on the top of a chair, and you would have
+laughed heartily at her words and gestures.”
+
+Now while this forty-year-old virgin was at vespers, the king sent to
+have this young townsman, who had just finished the last scene of his
+tragic farce, taken down, and having dressed him in a white shirt, two
+officers got over the walls of La Godegrand’s garden, and put the
+corpse into her bed, on the side nearest the street. Having done this
+they went away, and the king remained in the room with the balcony to
+it, playing with Beaupertuys, and awaiting an hour at which the old
+maid should go to bed. La Godegrand soon came back with a hop, skip,
+and jump, as the Tourainians say, from the church of St Martin, from
+which she was not far, since the Rue de Hierusalem touches the walls
+of the cloister. She entered her house, laid down her prayer-book,
+chaplet, and rosary, and other ammunition which these old girls carry,
+then poked the fire, and blew it, warmed herself at it, settled
+herself in her chair, and played with her cat for want of something
+better; then she went to the larder, supping and sighing, and sighing
+and supping, eating alone, with her eyes cast down upon the carpet;
+and after having drunk, behaved in a manner forbidden in court
+society.
+
+“Ah!” the corpse said to her, “‘_God bless you_!’”
+
+At this joke of luck of La Beaupertuys, both laughed heartily in their
+sleeves. And with great attention this very Christian king watched the
+undressing of the old maid, who admired herself while removing her
+things--pulling out a hair, or scratching a pimple which had
+maliciously come upon her nose; picking her teeth, and doing a
+thousand little things which, alas! all ladies, virgins or not, are
+obliged to do, much to their annoyance; but without these little
+faults of nature, they would be too proud, and one would not be able
+to enjoy their society. Having achieved her aquatic and musical
+discourse, the old maid got in between the sheets, and yelled forth a
+fine, great, ample, and curious cry, when she saw, when she smelt the
+fresh vigour of this hanged man and the sweet perfume of his manly
+youth; then sprang away from him out of coquetry. But as she did not
+know he was really dead, she came back again, believing he was mocking
+her, and counterfeiting death.
+
+“Go away, you bad young man!” said she.
+
+But you can imagine that she proffered this requests in a most humble
+and gracious tone of voice. Then seeing that he did not move, she
+examined him more closely, and was much astonished at this so fine
+human nature when she recognised the young fellow, upon whom the fancy
+took her to perform some purely scientific experiments in the
+interests of hanged persons.
+
+“What is she doing?” said La Beaupertuys to the king.
+
+“She is trying to reanimate him. It is a work of Christian humanity.”
+
+And the old girl rubbed and warmed this fine young man, supplicating
+holy Mary the Egyptian to aid her to renew the life of this husband
+who had fallen so amorously from heaven, when, suddenly looking at the
+dead body she was so charitably rubbing, she thought she saw a slight
+movement in the eyes; then she put her hand upon the man’s heart, and
+felt it beat feebly. At length, from the warmth of the bed and of
+affection, and by the temperature of old maids, which is by far more
+burning then the warm blasts of African deserts, she had the delight
+of bringing to life that fine handsome young fellow who by lucky
+chance had been very badly hanged.
+
+“See how my executioners serve me!” said Louis, laughing.
+
+“Ah!” said La Beaupertuys, “you will not have him hanged again? he is
+too handsome.”
+
+“The decree does not say that he shall be hanged twice, but he shall
+marry the old woman.”
+
+Indeed, the good lady went in a great hurry to seek a master leech, a
+good bleeder, who lived in the Abbey, and brought him back directly.
+He immediately took his lancet, and bled the young man. And as no
+blood came out: “Ah!” said he, “it is too late, the transshipment of
+blood in the lungs has taken place.”
+
+But suddenly this good young blood oozed out a little, and then came
+out in abundance, and the hempen apoplexy, which had only just begun,
+was arrested in its course. The young man moved and came more to life;
+then he fell, from natural causes, into a state of great weakness and
+profound sadness, prostration of flesh and general flabbiness. Now the
+old maid, who was all eyes, and followed the great and notable changes
+which were taking place in the person of this badly hanged man, pulled
+the surgeon by the sleeve, and pointing out to him, by a curious
+glance of the eye, the piteous cause, said to him--
+
+“Will he for the future be always like that?”
+
+“Often,” replied the veracious surgeon.
+
+“Oh! he was much nicer hanged!”
+
+At this speech the king burst out laughing. Seeing him at the window,
+the woman and the surgeon were much frightened, for this laugh seemed
+to them a second sentence of death for their poor victim. But the king
+kept his word, and married them. And in order to do justice he gave
+the husband the name of the Sieur de Mortsauf in the place of the one
+he had lost upon the scaffold. As La Godegrand had a very big basket
+of crowns, they founded a good family in Touraine, which still exists
+and is much respected, since M. de Mortsauf faithfully served Louis
+the Eleventh on different occasions. Only he never liked to come
+across gibbets or old women, and never again made amorous assignations
+in the night.
+
+This teaches us to thoroughly verify and recognise women, and not to
+deceive ourselves in the local difference which exists between the old
+and the young, for if we are not hanged for our errors of love, there
+are always great risks to run.
+
+
+
+                     THE HIGH CONSTABLE’S WIFE
+
+The high constable of Armagnac espoused from the desire of a great
+fortune, the Countess Bonne, who was already considerably enamoured of
+little Savoisy, son of the chamberlain to his majesty King Charles the
+Sixth.
+
+The constable was a rough warrior, miserable in appearance, tough in
+skin, thickly bearded, always uttering angry words, always busy
+hanging people, always in the sweat of battles, or thinking of other
+stratagems than those of love. Thus the good soldier, caring little to
+flavour the marriage stew, used his charming wife after the fashion of
+a man with more lofty ideas; of the which the ladies have a great
+horror, since they like not the joists of the bed to be the sole
+judges of their fondling and vigorous conduct.
+
+Now the lovely Countess, as soon as she was grafted on the constable,
+only nibbled more eagerly at the love with which her heart was laden
+for the aforesaid Savoisy, which that gentleman clearly perceived.
+
+Wishing both to study the same music, they would soon harmonise their
+fancies, and decipher the hieroglyphic; and this was a thing clearly
+demonstrated to the Queen Isabella, that Savoisy’s horses were oftener
+stabled at the house of her cousin of Armagnac than in the Hotel St.
+Pol, where the chamberlain lived, since the destruction of his
+residence, ordered by the university, as everyone knows.
+
+This discreet and wise princess, fearing in advance some unfortunate
+adventure for Bonne--the more so as the constable was as ready to
+brandish his broadsword as a priest to bestow benedictions--the said
+queen, as sharp as a dirk, said one day, while coming out from
+vespers, to her cousin, who was taking the holy water with Savoisy--
+
+“My dear, don’t you see some blood in that water?”
+
+“Bah!” said Savoisy to the queen. “Love likes blood, Madame.”
+
+This the Queen considered a good reply, and put it into writing, and
+later on, into action, when her lord the king wounded one of her
+lovers, whose business you see settled in this narrative.
+
+You know by constant experience, that in the early time of love each
+of two lovers is always in great fear of exposing the mystery of the
+heart, and as much from the flower of prudence as from the amusement
+yielded by the sweet tricks of gallantry they play at who can best
+conceal their thoughts, but one day of forgetfulness suffices to inter
+the whole virtuous past. The poor woman is taken in her joy as in a
+lasso; her sweetheart proclaims his presence, or sometimes his
+departure, by some article of clothing--a scarf, a spur, left by some
+fatal chance, and there comes a stroke of the dagger that severs the
+web so gallantly woven by their golden delights. But when one is full
+of days, he should not make a wry face at death, and the sword of a
+husband is a pleasant death for a gallant, if there be pleasant
+deaths. So may be will finish the merry amours of the constable’s
+wife.
+
+One morning Monsieur d’Armagnac having lots of leisure time in
+consequence of the flight of the Duke of Burgundy, who was quitting
+Lagny, thought he would go and wish his lady good day, and attempted
+to wake her up in a pleasant enough fashion, so that she should not be
+angry; but she sunk in the heavy slumbers of the morning, replied to
+the action--
+
+“Leave me alone, Charles!”
+
+“Oh, oh,” said the constable, hearing the name of a saint who was not
+one of his patrons, “I have a Charles on my head!”
+
+Then, without touching his wife, he jumped out of the bed, and ran
+upstairs with his face flaming and his sword drawn, to the place where
+slept the countess’s maid-servant, convinced that the said servant had
+a finger in the pie.
+
+“Ah, ah, wench of hell!” cried he, to commence the discharge of his
+passion, “say thy prayers, for I intend to kill thee instantly,
+because of the secret practices of Charles who comes here.”
+
+“Ah, Monseigneur,” replied the woman, “who told you that?”
+
+“Stand steady, that I may rip thee at one blow if you do not confess
+to me every assignation given, and in what manner they have been
+arranged. If thy tongue gets entangled, if thou falterest, I will
+pierce thee with my dagger!”
+
+“Pierce me through!” replied the girl; “you will learn nothing.”
+
+The constable, having taken this excellent reply amiss, ran her
+through on the spot, so mad was he with rage; and came back into his
+wife’s chamber and said to his groom, whom, awakened by the shrieks of
+the girl, he met upon the stairs, “Go upstairs; I’ve corrected
+Billette rather severely.”
+
+Before he reappeared in the presence of Bonne he went to fetch his
+son, who was sleeping like a child, and led him roughly into her room.
+The mother opened her eyes pretty widely, you may imagine--at the
+cries of her little one; and was greatly terrified at seeing him in
+the hands of her husband, who had his right hand all bloody, and cast
+a fierce glance on the mother and son.
+
+“What is the matter?” said she.
+
+“Madame,” asked the man of quick execution, “this child, is he the
+fruit of my loins, or those of Savoisy, your lover?”
+
+At this question Bonne turned pale, and sprang upon her son like a
+frightened frog leaping into the water.
+
+“Ah, he is really ours,” said she.
+
+“If you do not wish to see his head roll at your feet confess yourself
+to me, and no prevarication. You have given me a lieutenant.”
+
+“Indeed!”
+
+“Who is he?”
+
+“It is not Savoisy, and I will never say the name of a man that I
+don’t know.”
+
+Thereupon the constable rose, took his wife by the arm to cut her
+speech with a blow of the sword, but she, casting upon him an imperial
+glance, cried--
+
+“Kill me if you will, but touch me not.”
+
+“You shall live,” replied the husband, “because I reserve you for a
+chastisement more ample then death.”
+
+And doubting the inventions, snares, arguments, and artifices familiar
+to women in these desperate situations, of which they study night and
+day the variations, by themselves, or between themselves, he departed
+with this rude and bitter speech. He went instantly to interrogate his
+servants, presenting to them a face divinely terrible; so all of them
+replied to him as they would to God the Father on the Judgment Day,
+when each of us will be called to his account.
+
+None of them knew the serious mischief which was at the bottom of
+these summary interrogations and crafty interlocutions; but from all
+that they said, the constable came to the conclusion that no male in
+his house was in the business, except one of his dogs, whom he found
+dumb, and to whom he had given the post of watching the gardens; so
+taking him in his hands, he strangled him with rage. This fact incited
+him by induction to suppose that the other constable came into his
+house by the garden, of which the only entrance was a postern opening
+on to the water side.
+
+It is necessary to explain to those who are ignorant of it, the
+locality of the Hotel d’Armagnac, which had a notable situation near
+to the royal houses of St. Pol. On this site has since been built the
+hotel of Longueville. Then as at the present time, the residence of
+d’Armagnac had a porch of fine stone in Rue St. Antoine, was fortified
+at all points, and the high walls by the river side, in face of the
+Ile du Vaches, in the part where now stands the port of La Greve, were
+furnished with little towers. The design of these has for a long time
+been shown at the house of Cardinal Duprat, the king’s Chancellor. The
+constable ransacked his brains, and at the bottom, from his finest
+stratagems, drew the best, and fitted it so well to the present case,
+that the gallant would be certain to be taken like a hare in the trap.
+“‘Sdeath,” said he, “my planter of horns is taken, and I have the time
+now to think how I shall finish him off.”
+
+Now this is the order of battle which this grand hairy captain who
+waged such glorious war against Duke Jean-sans-Peur commanded for the
+assault of his secret enemy. He took a goodly number of his most loyal
+and adroit archers, and placed them on the quay tower, ordering them
+under the heaviest penalties to draw without distinction of persons,
+except his wife, on those of his household who should attempt to leave
+the gardens, and to admit therein, either by night or by day, the
+favoured gentleman. The same was done on the porch side, in the Rue St
+Antoine.
+
+The retainers, even the chaplain, were ordered not to leave the house
+under pain of death. Then the guard of the two sides of the hotel
+having been committed to the soldiers of a company of ordnance, who
+were ordered to keep a sharp lookout in the side streets, it was
+certain that the unknown lover to whom the constable was indebted for
+his pair of horns, would be taken warm, when, knowing nothing, he
+should come at the accustomed hour of love to insolently plant his
+standard in the heart of the legitimate appurtenances of the said lord
+count.
+
+It was a trap into which the most expert man would fall unless he was
+seriously protected by the fates, as was the good St. Peter by the
+Saviour when he prevented him going to the bottom of the sea the day
+when they had a fancy to try if the sea were as solid as terra firma.
+
+The constable had business with the inhabitants of Poissy, and was
+obliged to be in the saddle after dinner, so that, knowing his
+intention, the poor Countess Bonne determined at night to invite her
+young gallant to that charming duel in which she was always the
+stronger.
+
+While the constable was making round his hotel a girdle of spies and
+of death, and hiding his people near the postern to seize the gallant
+as he came out, not knowing where he would spring from, his wife was
+not amusing herself by threading peas nor seeking black cows in the
+embers. First, the maid-servant who had been stuck, unstuck herself
+and dragged herself to her mistress; she told her that her outraged
+lord knew nothing, and that before giving up the ghost she would
+comfort her dear mistress by assuring her that she could have perfect
+confidence in her sister, who was laundress in the hotel, and was
+willing to let herself be chopped up as small as sausage-meat to
+please Madame. That she was the most adroit and roguish woman in the
+neighbourhood, and renowned from the council chamber to the Trahoir
+cross among the common people, and fertile in invention for the
+desperate cases of love.
+
+Then, while weeping for the decease of her good chamber woman, the
+countess sent for the laundress, made her leave her tubs and join her
+in rummaging the bag of good tricks, wishing to save Savoisy, even at
+the price of her future salvation.
+
+First of all the two women determined to let him know their lord and
+master’s suspicion, and beg him to be careful.
+
+Now behold the good washerwoman who, carrying her tub like a mule,
+attempts to leave the hotel. But at the porch she found a man-at-arms
+who turned a deaf ear to all the blandishments of the wash-tub. Then
+she resolved, from her great devotion, to take the soldier on his weak
+side, and she tickled him so with her fondling that he romped very
+well with her, although he was armour-plated ready for battle; but
+when the game was over he still refused to let her go into the street
+and although she tried to get herself a passport sealed by some of the
+handsomest, believing them more gallant: neither the archers,
+men-at-arms, nor others, dared open for her the smallest entrance of
+the house. “You are wicked and ungrateful wretches,” said she, “not to
+render me a like service.”
+
+Luckily at this employment she learned everything, and came back in
+great haste to her mistress, to whom she recounted the strange
+machinations of the count. The two women held a fresh council and had
+not considered, the time it takes to sing _Alleluia_, twice, these
+warlike appearances, watches, defences, and equivocal, specious, and
+diabolical orders and dispositions before they recognised by the sixth
+sense with which all females are furnished, the special danger which
+threatened the poor lover.
+
+Madame having learned that she alone had leave to quit the house,
+ventured quickly to profit by her right, but she did not go the length
+of a bow-shot, since the constable had ordered four of his pages to be
+always on duty ready to accompany the countess, and two of the ensigns
+of his company not to leave her. Then the poor lady returned to her
+chamber, weeping as much as all the Magdalens one sees in the church
+pictures, could weep together.
+
+“Alas!” said she, “my lover must then be killed, and I shall never see
+him again! . . . he whose words were so sweet, whose manners were so
+graceful, that lovely head that had so often rested on my knees, will
+now be bruised . . . What! Can I not throw to my husband an empty and
+valueless head in place of the one full of charms and worth . . . a
+rank head for a sweet-smelling one; a hated head for a head of love.”
+
+“Ah, Madame!” cried the washerwoman, “suppose we dress up in the
+garments of a nobleman, the steward’s son who is mad for me, and
+wearies me much, and having thus accoutered him, we push him out
+through the postern.”
+
+Thereupon the two women looked at each other with assassinating eyes.
+
+“This marplot,” said she, “once slain, all those soldiers will fly
+away like geese.”
+
+“Yes, but will not the count recognise the wretch?”
+
+And the countess, striking her breast, exclaimed, shaking her head,
+“No, no, my dear, here it is noble blood that must be spilt without
+stint.”
+
+Then she thought a little, and jumping with joy, suddenly kissed the
+laundress, saying, “Because I have saved my lover’s life by your
+counsel, I will pay you for his life until death.”
+
+Thereupon the countess dried her tears, put on the face of a bride,
+took her little bag and a prayer-book, and went towards the Church of
+St. Pol whose bells she heard ringing, seeing that the last Mass was
+about to be said. In this sweet devotion the countess never failed,
+being a showy woman, like all the ladies of the court. Now this was
+called the full-dress Mass, because none but fops, fashionables, young
+gentlemen and ladies puffed out and highly scented, were to be met
+there. In fact no dresses was seen there without armorial bearings,
+and no spurs that were not gilt.
+
+So the Countess of Bonne departed, leaving at the hotel the laundress
+much astonished, and charged to keep her eyes about her, and came with
+great pomp to the church, accompanied by her pages, the two ensigns
+and men-at-arms. It is here necessary to say that among the band of
+gallant knights who frisked round the ladies in church, the countess
+had more than one whose joy she was, and who had given his heart to
+her, after the fashion of youths who put down enough and to spare upon
+their tablets, only in order to make a conquest of at least one out of
+a great number.
+
+Among these birds of fine prey who with open beaks looked oftener
+between the benches and the paternosters than towards the altar and
+the priests, there was one upon whom the countess sometimes bestowed
+the charity of a glance, because he was less trifling and more deeply
+smitten than all the others.
+
+This one remained bashful, always stuck against the same pillar, never
+moving from it, but readily ravished with the sight alone of this lady
+whom he had chosen as his. His pale face was softly melancholy. His
+physiognomy gave proof of fine heart, one of those which nourish
+ardent passions and plunge delightedly into the despairs of love
+without hope. Of these people there are few, because ordinarily one
+likes more a certain thing than the unknown felicities lying and
+flourishing at the bottommost depths of the soul.
+
+This said gentleman, although his garments were well made, and clean
+and neat, having even a certain amount of taste shown in the
+arrangement, seemed to the constable’s wife to be a poor knight
+seeking fortune, and come from afar, with his nobility for his
+portion. Now partly from a suspicion of his secret poverty, partly
+because she was well beloved by him and a little because he had a good
+countenance, fine black hair, and a good figure, and remained humble
+and submissive in all, the constable’s wife desired for him the favour
+of women and of fortune, not to let his gallantry stand idle, and from
+a good housewifely idea, she fired his imagination according to her
+fantasies, by certain small favours and little looks which serpented
+towards him like biting adders, trifling with the happiness of this
+young life, like a princess accustomed to play with objects more
+precious than a simple knight. In fact, her husband risked the whole
+kingdom as you would a penny at piquet. Finally it was only three days
+since, at the conclusion of vespers, that the constable’s wife pointed
+out to the queen this follower of love, said laughingly--
+
+“There’s a man of quality.”
+
+This sentence remained in the fashionable language. Later it became a
+custom so to designate the people of the court. It was to the wife of
+the constable d’Armagnac, and to no other source, that the French
+language is indebted for this charming expression.
+
+By a lucky chance the countess had surmised correctly concerning this
+gentleman. He was a bannerless knight, named Julien de Boys-Bourredon,
+who not having inherited on his estate enough to make a toothpick, and
+knowing no other wealth than the rich nature with which his dead
+mother had opportunely furnished him, conceived the idea of deriving
+therefrom both rent and profit at court, knowing how fond ladies are
+of those good revenues, and value them high and dear, when they can
+stand being looked at between two suns. There are many like him who
+have thus taken the narrow road of women to make their way; but he,
+far from arranging his love in measured qualities, spend funds and
+all, as soon as he came to the full-dress Mass, he saw the triumphant
+beauty of the Countess Bonne. Then he fell really in love, which was a
+grand thing for his crowns, because he lost both thirst and appetite.
+This love is of the worst kind, because it incites you to the love of
+diet, during the diet of love; a double malady, of which one is
+sufficient to extinguish a man.
+
+Such was the young gentlemen of whom the good lady had thought, and
+towards whom she came quickly to invite him to his death.
+
+On entering she saw the poor chevalier, who faithful to his pleasure,
+awaited her, his back against a pillar, as a sick man longs for the
+sun, the spring-time, and the dawn. Then she turned away her eyes, and
+wished to go to the queen and request her assistance in this desperate
+case, for she took pity on her lover, but one of the captains said to
+her, with great appearance of respect, “Madame, we have orders not to
+allow you to speak with man or woman, even though it should be the
+queen or your confessor. And remember that the lives of all of us are
+at stake.”
+
+“Is it not your business to die?” said she.
+
+“And also to obey,” replied the soldier.
+
+Then the countess knelt down in her accustomed place, and again
+regarding her faithful slave, found his face thinner and more deeply
+lined than ever it had been.
+
+“Bah!” said she, “I shall have less remorse for his death; he is half
+dead as it is.”
+
+With this paraphrase of her idea, she cast upon the said gentleman one
+of those warm ogles that are only allowable to princesses and harlots,
+and the false love which her lovely eyes bore witness to, gave a
+pleasant pang to the gallant of the pillar. Who does not love the warm
+attack of life when it flows thus round the heart and engulfs
+everything?
+
+Madame recognised with a pleasure, always fresh in the minds of women,
+the omnipotence of her magnificent regard by the answer which, without
+saying a word, the chevalier made to it. And in fact, the blushes
+which empurpled his cheeks spoke better than the best speeches of the
+Greek and Latin orators, and were well understood. At this sweet
+sight, the countess, to make sure that it was not a freak of nature,
+took pleasure in experimentalising how far the virtue of her eyes
+would go, and after having heated her slave more than thirty times,
+she was confirmed in her belief that he would bravely die for her.
+This idea so touched her, that from three repetitions between her
+orisons she was tickled with the desire to put into a lump all the
+joys of man, and to dissolve them for him in one single glance of
+love, in order that she should not one day be reproached with having
+not only dissipated the life, but also the happiness of this
+gentleman. When the officiating priest turned round to sing the _Off
+you go_ to this fine gilded flock, the constable’s wife went out by the
+side of the pillar where her courtier was, passed in front of him and
+endeavoured to insinuate into his understanding by a speaking glance
+that he was to follow her, and to make positive the intelligence and
+significant interpretation of this gentle appeal, the artful jade
+turned round again a little after passing him to again request his
+company. She saw that he had moved a little from his place, and dared
+not advance, so modest was he, but upon this last sign, the gentleman,
+sure of not being over-credulous, mixed with the crowd with little and
+noiseless steps, like an innocent who is afraid of venturing into one
+of those good places people call bad ones. And whether he walked
+behind or in front, to the right or to the left, my lady bestowed upon
+him a glistening glance to allure him the more and the better to draw
+him to her, like a fisher who gently jerks the lines in order to hook
+the gudgeon. To be brief: the countess practiced so well the
+profession of the daughters of pleasure when they work to bring grist
+into their mills, that one would have said nothing resembled a harlot
+so much as a woman of high birth. And indeed, on arriving at the porch
+of her hotel the countess hesitated to enter therein, and again turned
+her face towards the poor chevalier to invite him to accompany her,
+discharging at him so diabolical a glance, that he ran to the queen of
+his heart, believing himself to be called by her. Thereupon, she
+offered him her hand, and both boiling and trembling from the contrary
+causes found themselves inside the house. At this wretched hour,
+Madame d’Armagnac was ashamed of having done all these harlotries to
+the profit of death, and of betraying Savoisy the better to save him;
+but this slight remorse was lame as the greater, and came tardily.
+Seeing everything ready, the countess leaned heavily upon her vassal’s
+arm, and said to him--
+
+“Come quickly to my room; it is necessary that I should speak with
+you.”
+
+And he, not knowing that his life was in peril, found no voice
+wherewith to reply, so much did the hope of approaching happiness
+choke him.
+
+When the laundress saw this handsome gentleman so quickly hooked,
+“Ah!” said she, “these ladies of the court are best at such work.”
+ Then she honoured this courtier with a profound salutation, in which
+was depicted the ironical respect due to those who have the great
+courage to die for so little.
+
+“Picard,” said the constable’s lady, drawing the laundress to her by
+the skirt, “I have not the courage to confess to him the reward with
+which I am about to pay his silent love and his charming belief in the
+loyalty of women.”
+
+“Bah! Madame: why tell him? Send him away well contented by the
+postern. So many men die in war for nothing, cannot this one die for
+something? I’ll produce another like him if that will console you.”
+
+“Come along,” cried the countess, “I will confess all to him. That
+will be the punishment for my sins.”
+
+Thinking that this lady was arranging with her servant certain
+trifling provisions and secret things in order not to be disturbed in
+the interview she had promised him, the unknown lover kept at a
+discreet distance, looking at the flies. Nevertheless, he thought that
+the countess was very bold, but also, as even a hunchback would have
+done, he found a thousand reasons to justify her, and thought himself
+quite worthy to inspire such recklessness. He was lost in those good
+thoughts when the constable’s wife opened the door of her chamber, and
+invited the chevalier to follow her in. There his noble lady cast
+aside all the apparel of her lofty fortune, and falling at the feet of
+this gentleman, became a simple woman.
+
+“Alas, sweet sir!” said she, “I have acted vilely towards you. Listen.
+On your departure from this house, you will meet your death. The love
+which I feel for another has bewildered me, and without being able to
+hold his place here, you will have to take it before his murderers.
+This is the joy to which I have bidden you.”
+
+“Ah!” Replied Boys-Bourredon, interring in the depths of his heart a
+dark despair, “I am grateful to you for having made use of me as of
+something which belonged to you. . . . Yes, I love you so much that
+every day you I have dreamed of offering you in imitation of the
+ladies, a thing that can be given but once. Take, then, my life!”
+
+And the poor chevalier, in saying this, gave her one glance to suffice
+for all the time he would have been able to look at her through the
+long days. Hearing these brave and loving words, Bonne rose suddenly.
+
+“Ah! were it not for Savoisy, how I would love thee!” said she.
+
+“Alas! my fate is then accomplished,” replied Boys-Bourredon. “My
+horoscope predicted that I should die by the love of a great lady. Ah,
+God!” said he, clutching his good sword, “I will sell my life dearly,
+but I shall die content in thinking that my decease ensures the
+happiness of her I love. I should live better in her memory than in
+reality.” At the sight of the gesture and the beaming face of this
+courageous man, the constable’s wife was pierced to the heart. But
+soon she was wounded to the quick because he seemed to wish to leave
+her without even asking of her the smallest favour.
+
+“Come, that I may arm you,” said she to him, making an attempt to kiss
+him.
+
+“Ha! my lady-love,” replied he, moistening with a gentle tear the fire
+of his eyes, “would you render my death impossible by attaching too
+great a value to my life?”
+
+“Come,” cried she, overcome by this intense love, “I do not know what
+the end of all this will be, but come--afterwards we will go and
+perish together at the postern.”
+
+The same flame leaped in their hearts, the same harmony had struck for
+both, they embraced each other with a rapture in the delicious excess
+of that mad fever which you know well I hope; they fell into a
+profound forgetfulness of the dangers of Savoisy, of themselves, of
+the constable, of death, of life, of everything.
+
+Meanwhile the watchman at the porch had gone to inform the constable
+of the arrival of the gallant, and to tell him how the infatuated
+gentleman had taken no notice of the winks which, during Mass and on
+the road, the countess had given him in order to prevent his
+destruction. They met their master arriving in great haste at the
+postern, because on their side the archers of the quay had whistled to
+him afar off, saying to him--
+
+“The Sire de Savoisy has passed in.”
+
+And indeed Savoisy had come at the appointed hour, and like all the
+lovers, thinking only of his lady, he had not seen the count’s spies
+and had slipped in at the postern. This collision of lovers was the
+cause of the constable’s cutting short the words of those who came
+from the Rue St. Antoine, saying to them with a gesture of authority,
+that they did not think wise to disregard--
+
+“I know that the animal is taken.”
+
+Thereupon all rushed with a great noise through this said postern,
+crying, “Death to him! death to him!” and men-at-arms, archers, the
+constable, and the captains, all rushed full tilt upon Charles
+Savoisy, the king’s nephew, who they attacked under the countess’s
+window, where by a strange chance, the groans of the poor young man
+were dolorously exhaled, mingled with the yells of the soldiers, at
+the same time as passionate sighs and cries were given forth by the
+two lovers, who hastened up in great fear.
+
+“Ah!” said the countess, turning pale from terror, “Savoisy is dying
+for me!”
+
+“But I will live for you,” replied Boys-Bourredon, “and shall esteem
+it a joy to pay the same price for my happiness as he has done.”
+
+“Hide yourself in the clothes chest,” cried the countess; “I hear the
+constable’s footsteps.”
+
+And indeed M. d’Armagnac appeared very soon with a head in his hand,
+and putting it all bloody on the mantleshelf, “Behold, Madame,” said
+he, “a picture which will enlighten you concerning the duties of a
+wife towards her husband.”
+
+“You have killed an innocent man,” replied the countess, without
+changing colour. “Savoisy was not my lover.”
+
+And with the this speech she looked proudly at the constable with a
+face marked by so much dissimulation and feminine audacity, that the
+husband stood looking as foolish as a girl who has allowed a note to
+escape her below, before a numerous company, and he was afraid of
+having made a mistake.
+
+“Of whom were you thinking this morning?” asked he.
+
+“I was dreaming of the king,” said she.
+
+“Then, my dear, why not have told me so?”
+
+“Would you have believed me in the bestial passion you were in?”
+
+The constable scratched his ear and replied--
+
+“But how came Savoisy with the key of the postern?”
+
+“I don’t know,” she said, curtly, “if you will have the goodness to
+believe what I have said to you.”
+
+And his wife turned lightly on her heel like a weather-cock turned by
+the wind, pretending to go and look after the household affairs. You
+can imagine that D’Armagnac was greatly embarrassed with the head of
+poor Savoisy, and that for his part Boys-Bourredon had no desire to
+cough while listening to the count, who was growling to himself all
+sorts of words. At length the constable struck two heavy blows over
+the table and said, “I’ll go and attack the inhabitants of Poissy.”
+ Then he departed, and when the night was come Boys-Bourredon escaped
+from the house in some disguise or other.
+
+Poor Savoisy was sorely lamented by his lady, who had done all that a
+woman could do to save her lover, and later he was more than wept, he
+was regretted; for the countess having related this adventure to Queen
+Isabella, her majesty seduced Boys-Bourredon from the service of her
+cousin and put him to her own, so much was she touched with the
+qualities and firm courage of this gentleman.
+
+Boys-Bourredon was a man whom danger had well recommended to the
+ladies. In fact he comported himself so proudly in everything in the
+lofty fortune, which the queen had made for him, that having badly
+treated King Charles one day when the poor man was in his proper
+senses, the courtiers, jealous of favour, informed the king of his
+cuckoldom. Boys-Bourredon was in a moment sewn in a sack and thrown
+into the Seine, near the ferry at Charenton, as everyone knows. I have
+no need add, that since the day when the constable took it into his
+head to play thoughtlessly with knives, his good wife utilised so well
+the two deaths he had caused and threw them so often in his face, that
+she made him as soft as a cat’s paw and put him in the straight road
+of marriage; and he proclaimed her a modest and virtuous constable’s
+lady, as indeed she was. As this book should, according to the maxims
+of great ancient authors, join certain useful things to the good
+laughs which you will find therein and contain precepts of high taste,
+I beg to inform you that the quintessence of the story is this: That
+women need never lose their heads in serious cases, because the God of
+Love never abandons them, especially when they are beautiful, young,
+and of good family; and that gallants when going to keep an amorous
+assignation should never go there like giddy young men, but carefully,
+and keep a sharp look-out near the burrow, to avoid falling into
+certain traps and to preserve themselves; for after a good woman the
+most precious thing is, certes, a pretty gentleman.
+
+
+
+                        THE MAID OF THILOUSE
+
+The lord of Valennes, a pleasant place, of which the castle is not far
+from the town of Thilouse, had taken a mean wife, who by reason of
+taste or antipathy, pleasure or displeasure, health or sickness,
+allowed her good husband to abstain from those pleasures stipulated
+for in all contracts of marriage. In order to be just, it should be
+stated that the above-mentioned lord was a dirty and ill-favoured
+person, always hunting wild animals and not the more entertaining than
+is a room full of smoke. And what is more, the said sportsman was all
+sixty years of age, on which subject, however, he was a silent as a
+hempen widow on the subject of rope. But nature, which the crooked,
+the bandy-legged, the blind, and the ugly abuse so unmercifully here
+below, and have no more esteem for her than the well-favoured,--since,
+like workers of tapestry, they know not what they do,--gives the same
+appetite to all and to all the same mouth for pudding. So every beast
+finds a mate, and from the same fact comes the proverb, “There is no
+pot, however ugly, that does not one day find a cover.” Now the lord
+of Valennes searched everywhere for nice little pots to cover, and
+often in addition to wild, he hunted tame animals; but this kind of
+game was scarce in the land, and it was an expensive affair to
+discover a maid. At length however by reason of much ferreting about
+and much enquiry, it happened that the lord of Valennes was informed
+that in Thilouse was the widow of a weaver who had a real treasure in
+the person of a little damsel of sixteen years, whom she had never
+allowed to leave her apronstrings, and whom, with great maternal
+forethought, she always accompanied when the calls of nature demanded
+her obedience; she had her to sleep with her in her own bed, watched
+over her, got her up in the morning, and put her to such a work that
+between the twain they gained about eight pennies a day. On fete days
+she took her to the church, scarcely giving her a spare moment to
+exchange a merry word with the young people; above all was she strict
+in keeping hands off the maiden.
+
+But the times were just then so hard that the widow and her daughter
+had only bread enough to save them from dying of hunger, and as they
+lodged with one of their poor relations, they often wanted wood in
+winter and clothes in summer, owing enough rent to frighten sergeants
+of justice, men who are not easily frightened at the debts of others;
+in short, while the daughter was increasing in beauty, the mother was
+increasing in poverty, and ran into debt on account of her daughter’s
+virginity, as an alchemist will for the crucible in which his all is
+cast. As soon as his plans were arranged and perfect, one rainy day
+the said lord of Valennes by a mere chance came into the hovel of the
+two spinners, and in order to dry himself sent for some fagots to
+Plessis, close by. While waiting for them, he sat on a stool between
+the two poor women. By means of the grey shadows and half light of the
+cabin, he saw the sweet countenance of the maid of Thilouse; her arms
+were red and firm, her breasts hard as bastions, which kept the cold
+from her heart, her waist round as a young oak and all fresh and clean
+and pretty, like the first frost, green and tender as an April bud; in
+fact, she resembled all that is prettiest in the world. She had eyes
+of a modest and virtuous blue, with a look more coy than that of the
+Virgin, for she was less forward, never having had a child.
+
+Had any one said to her, “Come, let us make love,” she would have
+said, “Love! What is that?” she was so innocent and so little open to
+the comprehensions of the thing.
+
+The good old lord twisted about upon his stool, eyeing the maid and
+stretching his neck like a monkey trying to catch nuts, which the
+mother noticed, but said not a word, being in fear of the lord to whom
+the whole of the country belonged. When the fagot was put into the
+grate and flared up, the good hunter said to the old woman, “Ah, ah!
+that warms one almost as much as your daughter’s eyes.”
+
+“But alas, my lord,” said she, “we have nothing to cook on that fire.”
+
+“Oh yes,” replied he.
+
+“What?”
+
+“Ah, my good woman, lend your daughter to my wife, who has need of a
+good handmaiden: we will give you two fagots every day.”
+
+“Oh, my lord, what could I cook at such a good fire?”
+
+“Why,” replied the old rascal, “good broth, for I will give you a
+measure of corn in season.”
+
+“Then,” replied the old hag, “where shall I put it?”
+
+“In your dish,” answered the purchaser of innocence.
+
+“But I have neither dish nor flower-bin, nor anything.”
+
+“Well I will give you dishes and flower-bins, saucepans, flagons, a
+good bed with curtains, and everything.”
+
+“Yes,” replied the good widow, “but the rain would spoil them, I have
+no house.”
+
+“You can see from here,” replied the lord, “the house of La
+Tourbelliere, where lived my poor huntsmen Pillegrain, who was ripped
+up by a boar?”
+
+“Yes,” said the old woman.
+
+“Well, you can make yourself at home there for the rest of your days.”
+
+“By my faith;” cried the mother, letting fall her distaff, “do you
+mean what you say?”
+
+“Yes.”
+
+“Well, then, what will you give my daughter?”
+
+“All that she is willing to gain in my service.”
+
+“Oh! my lord, you are a joking.”
+
+“No,” said he.
+
+“Yes,” said she.
+
+“By St. Gatien, St. Eleuther, and by the thousand million saints who
+are in heaven, I swear that--”
+
+“Ah! Well; if you are not jesting I should like those fagots to pass
+through the hands of the notary.”
+
+“By the blood of Christ and the charms of your daughter am I not a
+gentleman? Is not my word good enough?”
+
+“Ah! well I don’t say that it is not; but as true as I am a poor
+spinner I love my child too much to leave her; she is too young and
+weak at present, she will break down in service. Yesterday, in his
+sermon, the vicar said that we should have to answer to God for our
+children.”
+
+“There! There!” said the lord, “go and find the notary.”
+
+An old woodcutter ran to the scrivener, who came and drew up a
+contract, to which the lord of Valennes then put his cross, not
+knowing how to write, and when all was signed and sealed--
+
+“Well, old lady,” said he, “now you are no longer answerable to God
+for the virtue of your child.”
+
+“Ah! my lord, the vicar said until the age of reason, and my child is
+quite reasonable.” Then turning towards her, she added, “Marie Fiquet,
+that which is dearest to you is your honour, and there where you are
+going everyone, without counting my lord, will try to rob you of it,
+but you see well what it is worth; for that reason do not lose it save
+willingly and in proper manner. Now in order not to contaminate your
+virtue before God and before man, except for a legitimate motive, take
+heed that your chance of marriage be not damaged beforehand, otherwise
+you will go to the bad.”
+
+“Yes, dear mother,” replied the maid.
+
+And thereupon she left the poor abode of her relation, and came to the
+chateau of Valennes, there to serve my lady, who found her both pretty
+and to her taste.
+
+When the people of Valennes, Sache, Villaines, and other places,
+learned the high price given for the maid of Thilouse, the good
+housewives recognising the fact that nothing is more profitable than
+virtue, endeavoured to nourish and bring up their daughters virtuous,
+but the business was as risky as that of rearing silkworms, which are
+liable to perish, since innocence is like a medlar, and ripens quickly
+on the straw. There were, however, some girls noted for it in
+Touraine, who passed for virgins in the convents of the religious, but
+I cannot vouch for these, not having proceeded to verify them in the
+manner laid down by Verville, in order to make sure of the perfect
+virtue of women. However, Marie Fiquet followed the wise counsel of
+her mother, and would take no notice of the soft requests, honied
+words, or apish tricks of her master, unless they were flavoured with
+a promise of marriage.
+
+When the old lord tried to kiss her, she would put her back up like a
+cat at the approach of a dog, crying out “I will tell Madame!” In
+short at the end of six months he had not even recovered the price of
+a single fagot. From her labour Marie Fiquet became harder and firmer.
+Sometimes she would reply to the gentle request of her master, “When
+you have taken it from me will you give it me back again?”
+
+Another time she would say, “If I were as full of holes as a sieve not
+one should be for you, so ugly do I think you.”
+
+The good old man took these village sayings for flowers of innocence,
+and ceased not make little signs to her, long harangues and a hundred
+vows and sermons, for by reason of seeing the fine breasts of the
+maid, her plump hips, which at certain movements came into prominent
+relief, and by reason of admiring other things capable of inflaming
+the mind of a saint, this dear men became enamoured of her with an old
+man’s passion, which augments in geometrical proportions as opposed to
+the passions of young men, because the old men love with their
+weakness which grows greater, and the young with their strength which
+grows less. In order to leave this headstrong girl no loophole for
+refusal, the old lord took into his confidence the steward, whose age
+was seventy odd years, and made him understand that he ought to marry
+in order to keep his body warm, and that Marie Fiquet was the very
+girl to suit him. The old steward, who had gained three hundred pounds
+by different services about the house, desired to live quietly without
+opening the front door again; but his good master begged him to marry
+to please him, assuring him that he need not trouble about his wife.
+So the good steward wandered out of sheer good nature into this
+marriage. The day of the wedding, bereft of all her reasons, and not
+able to find objections to her pursuer, she made him give her a fat
+settlement and dowry as the price of her conquest, and then gave the
+old knave leave to wink at her as often as he could, promising him as
+many embraces as he had given grains of wheat to her mother. But at
+his age a bushel was sufficient.
+
+The festivities over, the lord did not fail, as soon as his wife had
+retired, to wend his way towards the well-glazed, well-carpeted, and
+pretty room where he had lodged his lass, his money, his fagots, his
+house, his wheat, and his steward. To be brief, know that he found the
+maid of Thilouse the sweetest girl in the world, as pretty as
+anything, by the soft light of the fire which was gleaming in the
+chimney, snug between the sheets, and with a sweet odour about her, as
+a young maiden should have, and in fact he had no regret for the great
+price of this jewel. Not being able to restrain himself from hurrying
+over the first mouthfuls of this royal morsel, the lord treated her
+more as a past master than a young beginner. So the happy man by too
+much gluttony, managed badly, and in fact knew nothing of the sweet
+business of love. Finding which, the good wench said, after a minute
+or two, to her old cavalier, “My lord, if you are there, as I think
+you are, give a little more swing to your bells.”
+
+From this saying, which became spread about, I know not how, Marie
+Fiquet became famous, and it is still said in our country, “She is a
+maid of Thilouse,” in mockery of a bride, and to signify a
+“fricquenelle.”
+
+“Fricquenelle” is said of a girl I do not wish you to find in your
+arms on your wedding night, unless you have been brought up in the
+philosophy of Zeno, which puts up with anything, and there are many
+people obliged to be Stoics in this funny situation, which is often
+met with, for Nature turns, but changes not, and there are always good
+maids of Thilouse to be found in Touraine, and elsewhere. Now if you
+asked me in what consists, or where comes in, the moral of this tale?
+I am at liberty to reply to the ladies; that the Cent Contes
+Drolatiques are made more to teach the moral of pleasure than to
+procure the pleasure of pointing a moral. But if it were a used up old
+rascal who asked me, I should say to him with all the respect due to
+his yellow or grey locks; that God wishes to punish the lord of
+Valennes, for trying to purchase a jewel made to be given.
+
+
+
+                        THE BROTHERS-IN-ARMS
+
+At the commencement of the reign of King Henry, second of the name,
+who loved so well the fair Diana, there existed still a ceremony of
+which the usage has since become much weakened, and which has
+altogether disappeared, like an infinity of the good things of the
+olden times. This fine and noble custom was the choice which all
+knights made of a brother-in-arms. After having recognised each other
+as two loyal and brave men, each one of this pretty couple was married
+for life to the other; both became brothers, the one had to defend the
+other in battling against the enemies who threatened him, and at Court
+against the friends who slandered him. In the absence of his companion
+the other was expected to say to one who should have accused his good
+brother of any disloyalty, wickedness or dark felony, “You have lied
+by your throat,” and so go into the field instantly, so sure was the
+one of the honour of the other. There is no need to add, that the one
+was always the second of the other in all affairs, good or evil, and
+that they shared all good or evil fortune. They were better than the
+brothers who are only united by the hazard of nature, since they were
+fraternised by the bonds of an especial sentiment, involuntary and
+mutual, and thus the fraternity of arms has produced splendid
+characters, as brave as those of the ancient Greeks, Romans, or
+others. . . . But this is not my subject; the history of these things
+has been written by the historians of our country, and everyone knows
+them.
+
+Now at this time two young gentlemen of Touraine, of whom one was the
+Cadet of Maille, and the other Sieur de Lavalliere, became
+brothers-in-arms on the day they gained their spurs. They were leaving
+the house of Monsieur de Montmorency, where they had been nourished with
+the good doctrines of this great Captain, and had shown how contagious
+is valour in such good company, for at the battle of Ravenna they
+merited the praises of the oldest knights. It was in the thick of this
+fierce fight that Maille, saved by the said Lavalliere, with whom he
+had had a quarrel or two, perceived that this gentleman had a noble
+heart. As they had each received slashes in the doublets, they
+baptised their fraternity with their blood, and were ministered to
+together in one and the same bed under the tent of Monsieur de
+Montmorency their master. It is necessary to inform you that, contrary
+to the custom of his family, which was always to have a pretty face,
+the Cadet of Maille was not of a pleasing physiognomy, and had
+scarcely any beauty but that of the devil. For the rest he was lithe
+as a greyhound, broad shouldered and strongly built as King Pepin, who
+was a terrible antagonist. On the other hand, the Sieur de Lavalliere
+was a dainty fellow, for whom seemed to have been invented rich laces,
+silken hose, and cancellated shoes. His long dark locks were pretty as
+a lady’s ringlets, and he was, to be brief, a child with whom all the
+women would be glad to play. One day the Dauphine, niece of the Pope,
+said laughingly to the Queen of Navarre, who did not dislike these
+little jokes, “that this page was a plaster to cure every ache,” which
+caused the pretty little Tourainian to blush, because, being only
+sixteen, he took this gallantry as a reproach.
+
+Now on his return from Italy the Cadet of Maille found the slipper of
+marriage ready for his foot, which his mother had obtained for him in
+the person of Mademoiselle d’Annebaut, who was a graceful maiden of
+good appearance, and well furnished with everything, having a splendid
+hotel in the Rue Barbette, with handsome furniture and Italian
+paintings and many considerable lands to inherit. Some days after the
+death of King Francis--a circumstance which planted terror in the
+heart of everyone, because his said Majesty had died in consequence of
+an attack of the Neapolitan sickness, and that for the future there
+would be no security even with princesses of the highest birth--the
+above-named Maille was compelled to quit the Court in order to go and
+arrange certain affairs of great importance in Piedmont. You may be
+sure that he was very loath to leave his good wife, so young, so
+delicate, so sprightly, in the midst of the dangers, temptations,
+snares and pitfalls of this gallant assemblage, which comprised so
+many handsome fellows, bold as eagles, proud of mein, and as fond of
+women as the people are partial to Paschal hams. In this state of
+intense jealousy everything made him ill at ease; but by dint of much
+thinking, it occurred to him to make sure of his wife in the manner
+about to be related. He invited his good brother-in-arms to come at
+daybreak on the morning of his departure. Now directly he heard
+Lavalliere’s horse in the courtyard, he leaped out of bed, leaving his
+sweet and fair better-half sleeping that gentle, dreamy, dozing sleep
+so beloved by dainty ladies and lazy people. Lavalliere came to him,
+and the two companions, hidden in the embrasure of the window, greeted
+each other with a loyal clasp of the hand, and immediately Lavalliere
+said to Maille--
+
+“I should have been here last night in answer to thy summons, but I
+had a love suit on with my lady, who had given me an assignation; I
+could in no way fail to keep it, but I quitted her at dawn. Shall I
+accompany thee? I have told her of thy departure, she has promised me
+to remain without any amour; we have made a compact. If she deceives
+me--well a friend is worth more than a mistress!”
+
+“Oh! my good brother” replied the Maille, quite overcome with these
+words, “I wish to demand of thee a still higher proof of thy brave
+heart. Wilt thou take charge of my wife, defend her against all, be
+her guide, keep her in check and answer to me for the integrity of my
+head? Thou canst stay here during my absence, in the green-room, and
+be my wife’s cavalier.”
+
+Lavalliere knitted his brow and said--
+
+“It is neither thee nor thy wife that I fear, but evil-minded people,
+who will take advantage of this to entangle us like skeins of silk.”
+
+“Do not be afraid of me,” replied Maille, clasping Lavalliere to his
+breast. “If it be the divine will of the Almighty that I should have
+the misfortune to be a cuckold, I should be less grieved if it were to
+your advantage. But by my faith I should die of grief, for my life is
+bound up in my good, young, virtuous wife.”
+
+Saying which, he turned away his head, in order that Lavalliere should
+not perceive the tears in his eyes; but the fine courtier saw this
+flow of water, and taking the hand of Maille--
+
+“Brother,” said he to him, “I swear to thee on my honour as a man,
+that before anyone lays a finger on thy wife, he shall have felt my
+dagger in the depth of his veins! And unless I should die, thou shalt
+find her on thy return, intact in body if not in heart, because
+thought is beyond the control of gentlemen.”
+
+“It is then decreed above,” exclaimed Maille, “that I shall always be
+thy servant and thy debtor!”
+
+Thereupon the comrade departed, in order not to be inundated with the
+tears, exclamations, and other expressions of grief which ladies make
+use of when saying “Farewell.” Lavalliere having conducted him to the
+gate of the town, came back to the hotel, waited until Marie
+d’Annebaut was out of bed, informed her of the departure of her good
+husband, and offered to place himself at her orders, in such a
+graceful manner, that the most virtuous woman would have been tickled
+with a desire to keep such a knight to herself. But there was no need
+of this fine paternoster to indoctrinate the lady, seeing that she had
+listened to the discourse of the two friends, and was greatly offended
+at her husband’s doubt. Alas! God alone is perfect! In all the ideas
+of men there is always a bad side, and it is therefore a great science
+in life, but an impossible science, to take hold of everything, even a
+stick by the right end. The cause of the great difficulty there is in
+pleasing the ladies is, that there is it in them a thing which is more
+woman than they are, and but for the respect which is due to them, I
+would use another word. Now we should never awaken the phantasy of
+this malevolent thing. The perfect government of woman is a task to
+rend a man’s heart, and we are compelled to remain in perfect
+submission to them; that is, I imagine, the best manner in which to
+solve the most agonising enigma of marriage.
+
+Now Marie d’Annebaut was delighted with the bearing and offers of this
+gallant; but there was something in her smile which indicated a
+malicious idea, and, to speak plainly, the intention of putting her
+young guardian between honour and pleasure; to regale him so with
+love, to surround him with so many little attentions, to pursue him
+with such warm glances, that he would be faithless to friendship, to
+the advantage of gallantry.
+
+Everything was in perfect trim for the carrying out of her design,
+because of the companionship which the Sire de Lavalliere would be
+obliged to have with her during his stay in the hotel, and as there is
+nothing in the world can turn a woman from her whim, at every turn the
+artful jade was ready to catch him in a trap.
+
+At times she would make him remain seated near her by the fire, until
+twelve o’clock at night, singing soft refrains, and at every
+opportunity showed her fair shoulders, and the white temptations of
+which her corset was full, and casting upon him a thousand piercing
+glances, all without showing in her face the thoughts that surged in
+her brain.
+
+At times she would walk with him in the morning, in the gardens of the
+hotel, leaning heavily upon his arm, pressing it, sighing, and making
+him tie the laces of her little shoes, which were always coming undone
+in that particular place. Then it would be those soft words and things
+which the ladies understand so well, little attentions paid to a
+guest, such as coming in to see if he were comfortable, if his bed
+were well made, the room clean, if the ventilation were good, if he
+felt any draughts in the night, if the sun came in during the day, and
+asking him to forgo none of his usual fancies and habits, saying--
+
+“Are you accustomed to take anything in the morning in bed, such as
+honey, milk, or spice? Do the meal times suit you? I will conform mine
+to yours: tell me. You are afraid to ask me. Come--”
+
+She accompanied these coddling little attentions with a hundred
+affected speeches; for instance, on coming into the room she would
+say--
+
+“I am intruding, send me away. You want to be left alone--I will go.”
+ And always was she graciously invited to remain.
+
+And the cunning Madame always came lightly attired, showing samples of
+her beauty, which would have made a patriarch neigh, even were he as
+much battered by time as must have been Mr. Methusaleh, with his nine
+hundred and sixty years.
+
+That good knight being as sharp as a needle, let the lady go on with
+her tricks, much pleased to see her occupy herself with him, since it
+was so much gained; but like a loyal brother, he always called her
+absent husband to the lady’s mind.
+
+Now one evening--the day had been very warm--Lavalliere suspecting the
+lady’s games, told her that Maille loved her dearly, that she had in
+him a man of honour, a gentleman who doted on her, and was ticklish on
+the score of his crown.
+
+“Why then, if he is so ticklish in this manner, has he placed you
+here?”
+
+“Was it not a most prudent thing?” replied he. “Was it not necessary
+to confide you to some defender of your virtue? Not that it needs one
+save to protect you from wicked men.”
+
+“Then you are my guardian?” said she.
+
+“I am proud of it!” exclaimed Lavalliere.
+
+“Ah!” said she, “he has made a very bad choice.”
+
+This remark was accompanied by a little look, so lewdly lascivious
+that the good brother-in-arms put on, by way of reproach, a severe
+countenance, and left the fair lady alone, much piqued at this refusal
+to commence love’s conflict.
+
+She remained in deep meditation, and began to search for the real
+obstacle that she had encountered, for it was impossible that it
+should enter the mind of any lady, that a gentleman could despise that
+bagatelle which is of such great price and so high value. Now these
+thoughts knitted and joined together so well, one fitting into the
+other, that out of little pieces she constructed a perfect whole, and
+found herself desperately in love; which should teach the ladies never
+to play with a man’s weapons, seeing that like glue, they always stick
+to the fingers.
+
+By this means Marie d’Annebaut came to a conclusion which she should
+have known at the commencement--viz., that to keep clear of her
+snares, the good knight must be smitten with some other lady, and
+looking round her, to see where her young guest could have found a
+needle-case to his taste, she thought of the fair Limeuil, one of
+Queen Catherine’s maids, of Mesdames de Nevers, d’Estree, and de Giac,
+all of whom were declared friends of Lavalliere, and of the lot he
+must love one to distraction.
+
+From this belief, she added the motive of jealousy to the others which
+tempted her to seduce her Argus, whom she did not wish to wound, but
+to perfume, kiss his head, and treat kindly.
+
+She was certainly more beautiful, young, and more appetising and
+gentle than her rivals; at least, that was the melodious decree of her
+imaginations. So, urged on by the chords and springs of conscience,
+and physical causes which affect women, she returned to the charge, to
+commence a fresh assault upon the heart of the chevalier, for the
+ladies like that which is well fortified.
+
+Then she played the pussy-cat, and nestled up close to him, became so
+sweetly sociable, and wheedled so gently, that one evening when she
+was in a desponding state, although merry enough in her inmost soul,
+the guardian-brother asked her--
+
+“What is the matter with you?”
+
+To which she replied to him dreamily, being listened to by him as the
+sweetest music--
+
+That she had married Maille against her heart’s will, and that she was
+very unhappy; that she knew not the sweets of love; that her husband
+did not understand her, and that her life was full of tears. In fact,
+that she was a maiden in heart and all, since she confessed in
+marriage she had experienced nothing but the reverse of pleasure. And
+she added, that surely this holy state should be full of sweetmeats
+and dainties of love, because all the ladies hurried into it, and
+hated and were jealous of those who out-bid them, for it cost certain
+people pretty dear; that she was so curious about it that for one good
+day or night of love, she would give her life, and always be obedient
+to her lover without a murmur; but that he with whom she would sooner
+than all others try the experiment would not listen to her; that,
+nevertheless, the secret of their love might be kept eternally, so
+great was her husband’s confidence in him, and that finally if he
+still refused it would kill her.
+
+And all these paraphrases of the common canticle known to the ladies
+at their birth were ejaculated between a thousand pauses, interrupted
+with sighs torn from the heart, ornamented with quiverings, appeals to
+heaven, upturned eyes, sudden blushings and clutchings at her hair. In
+fact, no ingredient of temptation was lacking in the dish, and at the
+bottom of all these words there was a nipping desire which embellished
+even its blemishes. The good knight fell at the lady’s feet, and
+weeping took them and kissed them, and you may be sure the good woman
+was quite delighted to let him kiss them, and even without looking too
+carefully to see what she was going to do, she abandoned her dress to
+him, knowing well that to keep it from sweeping the ground it must be
+taken at the bottom to raise it; but it was written that for that
+evening she should be good, for the handsome Lavalliere said to her
+with despair--
+
+“Ah, madame, I am an unfortunate man and a wretch.”
+
+“Not at all,” said she.
+
+“Alas, the joy of loving you is denied to me.”
+
+“How?” said she.
+
+“I dare not confess my situation to you!”
+
+“Is it then very bad?”
+
+“Ah, you will be ashamed of me!”
+
+“Speak, I will hide my face in my hands,” and the cunning madame hid
+her face is such a way that she could look at her well-beloved between
+her fingers.
+
+“Alas!” said he, “the other evening when you addressed me in such
+gracious words, I was so treacherously inflamed, that not knowing my
+happiness to be so near, and not daring to confess my flame to you, I
+ran to a Bordel where all the gentleman go, and there for love of you,
+and to save the honour of my brother whose head I should blush to
+dishonour, I was so badly infected that I am in great danger of dying
+of the Italian sickness.”
+
+The lady, seized with terror, gave vent to the cry of a woman in
+labour, and with great emotion, repulsed him with a gentle little
+gesture. Poor Lavalliere, finding himself in so pitiable state, went
+out of the room, but he had not even reached the tapestries of the
+door, when Marie d’Annebaut again contemplated him, saying to herself,
+“Ah! what a pity!” Then she fell into a state of great melancholy,
+pitying in herself the gentleman, and became the more in love with him
+because he was fruit three times forbidden.
+
+“But for Maille,” said she to him, one evening that she thought him
+handsomer than unusual, “I would willingly take your disease. Together
+we should then have the same terrors.”
+
+“I love you too well,” said the brother, “not to be good.”
+
+And he left her to go to his beautiful Limeuil. You can imagine that
+being unable to refuse to receive the burning glances of the lady,
+during meal times, and the evenings, there was a fire nourished that
+warmed them both, but she was compelled to live without touching her
+cavalier, otherwise than with her eyes. Thus occupied, Marie
+d’Annebaut was fortified at every point against the gallants of the
+Court, for there are no bounds so impassable as those of love, and no
+better guardian; it is like the devil, he whom it has in its clutches
+it surrounds with flames. One evening, Lavalliere having escorted his
+friend’s wife to a dance given by Queen Catherine, he danced with the
+fair Limeuil, with whom he was madly in love. At that time the knights
+carried on their amours bravely two by two, and even in troops. Now
+all the ladies were jealous of La Limeuil, who at that time was
+thinking of yielding to the handsome Lavalliere. Before taking their
+places in the quadrille, she had given him the sweetest of
+assignations for the morrow, during the hunt. Our great Queen
+Catherine, who from political motives fermented these loves and
+stirred them up, like pastrycooks make the oven fires burn by poking,
+glanced at all the pretty couples interwoven in the quadrille, and
+said to her husband--
+
+“When they combat here, can they conspire against you, eh?”
+
+“Ah! but the Protestants?”
+
+“Bah! have them here as well,” said she, laughing. “Why, look at
+Lavalliere, who is suspected to be a Huguenot; he is converted by my
+dear little Limeuil, who does not play her cards badly for a young
+lady of sixteen. He will soon have her name down in his list.”
+
+“Ah, Madame! do not believe it,” said Marie d’Annebaut, “he is ruined
+through that same sickness of Naples which made you queen.”
+
+At this artless confession, Catherine, the fair Diana, and the king,
+who were sitting together, burst out laughing, and the thing ran round
+the room. This brought endless shame and mockery upon Lavalliere. The
+poor gentleman, pointed at by everyone, soon wished somebody else in
+his shoes, for La Limeuil, who his rivals had not been slow laughingly
+to warn of her danger, appeared to shrink from her lover, so rapid was
+the spread, and so violent the apprehensions of this nasty disease.
+Thus Lavalliere found himself abandoned by everyone like a leper. The
+king made an offensive remark, and the good knight quitted the
+ball-room, followed by poor Marie in despair at the speech. She had in
+every way ruined the man she loved: she had destroyed his honour, and
+marred his life, since the physicians and master surgeons advance as a
+fact, incapable of contradiction, that persons Italianised by this
+love sickness, lost through it their greatest attractions, as well as
+their generative powers, and their bones went black.
+
+Thus no woman would bind herself in legitimate marriage with the
+finest gentlemen in the kingdom if he were only suspected of being one
+of those whom Master Frances Rabelais named “his very precious scabby
+ones. . . . .”
+
+As the handsome knight was very silent and melancholy, his companion
+said to him on the road home from Hercules House, where the fete had
+been held--
+
+“My dear lord, I have done you a great mischief.”
+
+“Ah, madame!” replied Lavalliere, “my hurt is curable; but into what a
+predicament have you fallen? You should not have been aware of the
+danger of my love.”
+
+“Ah!” said she, “I am sure now always to have you to myself; in
+exchange for this great obloquy and dishonour, I will be forever your
+friend, your hostess, and your lady-love--more than that, your
+servant. My determination is to devote myself to you and efface the
+traces of this shame; to cure you by a watch and ward; and if the
+learned in these matters declare that the disease has such a hold of
+you that it will kill you like our defunct sovereign, I must still
+have your company in order to die gloriously in dying of your
+complaint. Even then,” said she, weeping, “that will not be penance
+enough to atone for the wrong I have done you.”
+
+These words were accompanied with big tears; her virtuous heart waxed
+faint, she fell to the ground exhausted. Lavalliere, terrified, caught
+her and placed his hand upon her heart, below a breast of matchless
+beauty. The lady revived at the warmth of this beloved hand,
+experiencing such exquisite delights as nearly to make her again
+unconscious.
+
+“Alas!” said she, “this sly and superficial caress will be for the
+future the only pleasure of our love. It will still be a hundred times
+better than the joys which poor Maille fancies he is bestowing on me.
+. . . Leave your hand there,” said she; “verily it is upon my soul,
+and touches it.”
+
+At these words the knight was in a pitiful plight, and innocently
+confessed to the Lady that he experienced so much pleasure at this
+touch that the pains of his malady increased, and that death was
+preferable to this martyrdom.
+
+“Let us die then,” said she.
+
+But the litter was in the courtyard of the hotel, and as the means of
+death was not handy, each one slept far from the other, heavily
+weighed down with love, Lavalliere having lost his fair Limeuil, and
+Marie d’Annebaut having gained pleasures without parallel.
+
+From this affair, which was quite unforeseen, Lavalliere found himself
+under the ban of love and marriage and dared no longer appear in
+public, and he found how much it costs to guard the virtue of a woman;
+but the more honour and virtue he displayed the more pleasure did he
+experience in these great sacrifices offered at the shrine of
+brotherhood. Nevertheless, his duty was very bitter, very ticklish,
+and intolerable to perform, towards the last days of his guard. And in
+this way.
+
+The confession of her love, which she believed was returned, the wrong
+done by her to her cavalier, and the experience of an unknown
+pleasure, emboldened the fair Marie, who fell into a platonic love,
+gently tempered with those little indulgences in which there is no
+danger. From this cause sprang the diabolical pleasures of the game
+invented by the ladies, who since the death of Francis the First
+feared the contagion, but wished to gratify their lovers. To these
+cruel delights, in order to properly play his part, Lavalliere could
+not refuse his sanction. Thus every evening the mournful Marie would
+attach her guest to her petticoats, holding his hand, kissing him with
+burning glances, her cheek placed gently against his, and during this
+virtuous embrace, in which the knight was held like the devil by a
+holy water brush, she told him of her great love, which was boundless
+since it stretched through the infinite spaces of unsatisfied desire.
+All the fire with which the ladies endow their substantial amours,
+when the night has no other lights than their eyes, she transferred
+into the mystic motions of her head, the exultations of her soul, and
+the ecstasies of her heart. Then, naturally, and with the delicious
+joy of two angels united by thought alone, they intoned together those
+sweet litanies repeated by the lovers of the period in honour of
+love--anthems which the abbot of Theleme has paragraphically saved
+from oblivion by engraving them on the walls of his Abbey, situated,
+according to master Alcofribas, in our land of Chinon, where I have
+seen them in Latin, and have translated them for the benefit of
+Christians.
+
+“Alas!” said Marie d’Annebaut, “thou art my strength and my life, my
+joy and my treasure.”
+
+“And you,” replied he “you are a pearl, an angel.”
+
+“Thou art my seraphim.”
+
+“You my soul.”
+
+“Thou my God.”
+
+“You my evening star and morning star, my honour, my beauty, my
+universe.”
+
+“Thou my great my divine master.”
+
+“You my glory, my faith, my religion.”
+
+“Thou my gentle one, my handsome one, my courageous one, my dear one,
+my cavalier, my defender, my king, my love.”
+
+“You my fairy, the flower of my days, the dream of my nights.”
+
+“Thou my thought at every moment.”
+
+“You the delights of my eyes.”
+
+“Thou the voice of my soul.”
+
+“You my light by day.”
+
+“Thou my glimmer in the night.”
+
+“You the best beloved among women.”
+
+“Thou the most adored of men.”
+
+“You my blood, a myself better than myself.”
+
+“Thou art my heart, my lustre.”
+
+“You my saint, my only joy.”
+
+“I yield thee the palm of love, and how great so’er mine be, I believe
+thou lovest me still more, for thou art the lord.”
+
+“No; the palm is yours, my goddess, my Virgin Marie.”
+
+“No; I am thy servant, thine handmaiden, a nothing thou canst crush to
+atoms.”
+
+“No, no! it is I who am your slave, your faithful page, whom you see
+as a breath of air, upon whom you can walk as on a carpet. My heart is
+your throne.”
+
+“No, dearest, for thy voice transfigures me.”
+
+“Your regard burns me.”
+
+“I see but thee.”
+
+“I love but you.”
+
+“Oh! put thine hand upon my heart--only thine hand--and thou will see
+me pale, when my blood shall have taken the heat of thine.”
+
+Then during these struggles their eyes, already ardent, flamed still
+more brightly, and the good knight was a little the accomplice of the
+pleasure which Marie d’Annebaut took in feeling his hand upon her
+heart. Now, as in this light embrace all their strength was put forth,
+all their desires strained, all their ideas of the thing concentrated,
+it happened that the knight’s transport reached a climax. Their eyes
+wept warm tears, they seized each other hard and fast as fire seizes
+houses; but that was all. Lavalliere had promised to return safe and
+sound to his friend the body only, not the heart.
+
+When Maille announced his return, it was quite time, since no virtue
+could avoid melting upon this gridiron; and the less licence the
+lovers had, the more pleasure they had in their fantasies.
+
+Leaving Marie d’Annebaut, the good companion in arms went as far as
+Bondy to meet his friend, to help him to pass through the forest
+without accident, and the two brothers slept together, according to
+the ancient custom, in the village of Bondy.
+
+There, in their bed, they recounted to each other, one of the
+adventures of his journey, the other the gossip of the camp, stories
+of gallantry, and the rest. But Maille’s first question was touching
+Marie d’Annebaut, whom Lavalliere swore to be intact in that precious
+place where the honour of husbands is lodged; at which the amorous
+Maille was highly delighted.
+
+On the morrow, they were all three re-united, to the great disgust of
+Marie, who, with the high jurisprudence of women, made a great fuss
+with her good husband, but with her finger she indicated her heart in
+an artless manner to Lavalliere, as one who said, “This is thine!”
+
+At supper Lavalliere announced his departure for the wars. Maille was
+much grieved at this resolution, and wished to accompany his brother;
+that Lavalliere refused him point blank.
+
+“Madame,” said he to Marie d’Annebaut, “I love you more than life, but
+not more than honour.”
+
+He turned pale saying this, and Madame de Maille blanched hearing him,
+because never in their amorous dalliance had there been so much true
+love as in this speech. Maille insisted on keeping his friend company
+as far as Meaux. When he came back he was talking over with his wife
+the unknown reasons and secret causes of this departure, when Marie,
+who suspected the grief of poor Lavalliere said, “I know: he is
+ashamed to stop here because he has the Neapolitan sickness.”
+
+“He!” said Maille, quite astonished. “I saw him when we were in bed
+together at Bondy the other evening, and yesterday at Meaux. There’s
+nothing the matter with him; he is as sound as a bell.”
+
+The lady burst into tears, admiring this great loyalty, the sublime
+resignation to his oath, and the extreme sufferings of this internal
+passion. But as she still kept her love in the recesses of her heart,
+she died when Lavalliere fell before Metz, as has been elsewhere
+related by Messire Bourdeilles de Brantome in his tittle-tattle.
+
+
+
+                    THE VICAR OF AZAY-LE-RIDEAU
+
+In those days the priests no longer took any woman in legitimate
+marriage, but kept good mistresses as pretty as they could get; which
+custom has since been interdicted by the council, as everyone knows,
+because, indeed, it was not pleasant that the private confessions of
+people should be retold to a wench who would laugh at them, besides
+the other secret doctrines, ecclesiastical arrangements, and
+speculations which are part and parcel of the politics of the Church
+of Rome. The last priest in our country who theologically kept a woman
+in his parsonage, regaling her with his scholastic love, was a certain
+vicar of Azay-le-Ridel, a place later on most aptly named as
+Azay-le-Brule, and now Azay-le-Rideau, whose castle is one of the
+marvels of Touraine. Now this said period, when the women were not
+averse to the odour of the priesthood, is not so far distant as some
+may think, Monsieur D’Orgemont, son of the preceding bishop, still
+held the see of Paris, and the great quarrels of the Armagnacs had not
+finished. To tell the truth, this vicar did well to have his vicarage
+in that age, since he was well shapen, of a high colour, stout, big,
+strong, eating and drinking like a convalescent, and indeed, was
+always rising from a little malady that attacked him at certain times;
+and, later on, he would have been his own executioner, had he
+determined to observe his canonical continence. Add to this that he
+was a Tourainian, id est, dark, and had in his eyes flame to light,
+and water to quench all the domestic furnaces that required lighting
+or quenching; and never since at Azay has been such vicar seen! A
+handsome vicar was he, square-shouldered, fresh coloured, always
+blessing and chuckling, preferred weddings and christenings to
+funerals, a good joker, pious in Church, and a man in everything.
+There have been many vicars who have drunk well and eaten well; others
+who have blessed abundantly and chuckled consumedly; but all of them
+together would hardly make up the sterling worth of this aforesaid
+vicar; and he alone has worthily filled his post with benedictions,
+has held it with joy, and in it has consoled the afflicted, all so
+well, that no one saw him come out of his house without wishing to be
+in his heart, so much was he beloved. It was he who first said in a
+sermon that the devil was not so black as he was painted, and who for
+Madame de Cande transformed partridges into fish saying that the perch
+of the Indre were partridges of the river, and, on the other hand,
+partridges perch in the air. He never played artful tricks under the
+cloak of morality, and often said, jokingly, he would rather be in a
+good bed then in anybody’s will, that he had plenty of everything, and
+wanted nothing. As for the poor and suffering, never did those who
+came to ask for wool at the vicarage go away shorn, for his hand was
+always in his pocket, and he melted (he who in all else was so firm)
+at the sight of all this misery and infirmity, and he endeavoured to
+heal all their wounds. There have been many good stories told
+concerning this king of vicars. It was he who caused such hearty
+laughter at the wedding of the lord of Valennes, near Sacche. The
+mother of the said lord had a good deal to do with the victuals, roast
+meats and other delicacies, of which there was sufficient quantity to
+feed a small town at least, and it is true, at the same time, that
+people came to the wedding from Montbazon, from Tours, from Chinon,
+from Langeais, and from everywhere, and stopped eight days.
+
+Now the good vicar, as he was going into the room where the company
+were enjoying themselves, met the little kitchen boy, who wished to
+inform Madame that all the elementary substances and fat rudiments,
+syrups, and sauces, were in readiness for a pudding of great delicacy,
+the secret compilation, mixing, and manipulation of which she wished
+herself to superintend, intending it as a special treat for her
+daughter-in-law’s relations. Our vicar gave the boy a tap on the
+cheek, telling him that he was too greasy and dirty to show himself to
+people of high rank, and that he himself would deliver the said
+message. The merry fellow pushes open the door, shapes the fingers of
+his left hand into the form of a sheath, and moves gently therein the
+middle finger of his right, at the same time looking at the lady of
+Valennes, and saying to her, “Come, all is ready.” Those who did not
+understand the affair burst out laughing to see Madame get up and go
+to the vicar, because she knew he referred to the pudding, and not to
+that which the others imagined.
+
+But a true story is that concerning the manner in which this worthy
+pastor lost his mistress, to whom the ecclesiastical authorities
+allowed no successor; but, as for that, the vicar did not want for
+domestic utensils. In the parish everyone thought it an honour to lend
+him theirs, the more readily because he was not the man to spoil
+anything, and was careful to clean them out thoroughly, the dear man.
+But here are the facts. One evening the good man came home to supper
+with a melancholy face, because he had just put into the ground a good
+farmer, whose death came about in a strange manner, and is still
+frequently talked about in Azay. Seeing that he only ate with the end
+of his teeth, and turned up his nose at a dish of tripe, which had
+been cooked in his own special manner, his good woman said to him--
+
+“Have you passed before the Lombard (see _Master Cornelius, passim_), met
+two black crows, or seen the dead man turn in his grave, that you are
+so upset?”
+
+“Oh! Oh!”
+
+“Has anyone deceived you?”
+
+“Ha! Ha!”
+
+“Come, tell me!”
+
+“My dear, I am still quite overcome at the death of poor Cochegrue,
+and there is not at the present moment a good housewife’s tongue or a
+virtuous cuckold’s lips that are not talking about it.”
+
+“And what was it?”
+
+“Listen! This poor Cochegrue was returning from market, having sold
+his corn and two fat pigs. He was riding his pretty mare, who, near
+Azay, commenced to caper about without the slightest cause, and poor
+Cochegrue trotted and ambled along counting his profits. At the corner
+of the old road of the Landes de Charlemagne, they came upon a
+stallion kept by the Sieur de la Carte, in a field, in order to have a
+good breed of horses, because the said animal was fleet of foot, as
+handsome as an abbot, and so high and mighty that the admiral who came
+to see it, said it was a beast of the first quality. This cursed horse
+scented the pretty mare; like a cunning beast, neither neighed nor
+gave vent to any equine ejaculation, but when she was close to the
+road, leaped over forty rows of vines and galloped after her, pawing
+the ground with his iron shoes, discharging the artillery of a lover
+who longs for an embrace, giving forth sounds to set the strongest
+teeth on edge, and so loudly, that the people of Champy heard it and
+were much terrified thereat.
+
+“Cochegrue, suspecting the affair, makes for the moors, spurs his
+amorous mare, relying upon her rapid pace, and indeed, the good mare
+understands, obeys, and flies--flies like a bird, but a bowshot off
+follows the blessed horse, thundering along the road like a blacksmith
+beating iron, and at full speed, his mane flying in the wind, replying
+to the sound of the mare’s swift gallop with his terrible pat-a-pan!
+pat-a-pan! Then the good farmer, feeling death following him in the
+love of the beast, spurs anew his mare, and harder still she gallops,
+until at last, pale and half dead with fear, he reaches the outer yard
+of his farmhouse, but finding the door of the stable shut he cries,
+‘Help here! Wife!’ Then he turned round on his mare, thinking to avoid
+the cursed beast whose love was burning, who was wild with passion,
+and growing more amorous every moment, to the great danger of the
+mare. His family, horrified at the danger, did not go to open the
+stable door, fearing the strange embrace and the kicks of the
+iron-shod lover. At last, Cochegrue’s wife went, but just as the good
+mare was half way through the door, the cursed stallion seized her,
+squeezed her, gave her a wild greeting, with his two legs gripped her,
+pinched her and held her tight, and at the same time so kneaded and
+knocked about Cochegrue that there was only found of him a shapeless
+mass, crushed like a nut after the oil has been distilled from it. It
+was shocking to see him squashed alive and mingling his cries with the
+loud love-sighs of the horse.”
+
+“Oh! the mare!” exclaimed the vicar’s good wench.
+
+“What!” said the priest astonished.
+
+“Certainly. You men wouldn’t have cracked a plumstone for us.”
+
+“There,” answered the vicar, “you wrong me.” The good man threw her so
+angrily upon the bed, attacked and treated her so violently that she
+split into pieces, and died immediately without either surgeons or
+physicians being able to determine the manner in which the solution of
+continuity was arrived at, so violently disjointed were the hinges and
+mesial partitions. You can imagine that he was a proud man, and a
+splendid vicar as has been previously stated.
+
+The good people of the country, even the women, agreed that he was not
+to blame, but that his conduct was warranted by the circumstances.
+
+From this, perhaps, came the proverb so much in use at that time, Que
+l’aze le saille! The which proverb is really so much coarser in its
+actual wording, that out of respect for the ladies I will not mention
+it. But this was not the only clever thing that this great and noble
+vicar achieved, for before this misfortune he did such a stroke of
+business that no robbers dare ask him how many angels he had in his
+pocket, even had they been twenty strong and over to attack him. One
+evening when his good woman was still with him, after supper, during
+which he had enjoyed his goose, his wench, his wine, and everything,
+and was reclining in his chair thinking where he could build a new
+barn for the tithes, a message came for him from the lord of Sacche,
+who was giving up the ghost and wished to reconcile himself with God,
+receive the sacrament, and go through the usual ceremonies. “He is a
+good man and loyal lord. I will go.” said he. Thereupon he passed into
+the church, took the silver box where the blessed bread is, rang the
+little bell himself in order not to wake the clerk, and went lightly
+and willingly along the roads. Near the Gue-droit, which is a valley
+leading to the Indre across the moors, our good vicar perceived a high
+toby. And what is a high toby? It is a clerk of St. Nicholas. Well,
+what is that? That means a person who sees clearly on a dark night,
+instructs himself by examining and turning over purses, and takes his
+degrees on the high road. Do you understand now? Well then, the high
+toby waited for the silver box, which he knew to be of great value.
+
+“Oh! oh!” said the priest, putting down the sacred vase on a stone at
+the corner of the bridge, “stop thou there without moving.”
+
+Then he walked up to the robber, tipped him up, seized his loaded
+stick, and when the rascal got up to struggle with him, he gutted him
+with a blow well planted in the middle of his stomach. Then he picked
+up the viaticum again, saying bravely to it: “Ah! If I had relied upon
+thy providence, we should have been lost.” Now to utter these impious
+words on the road to Sacche was mere waste of breath, seeing that he
+addressed them not to God, but to the Archbishop of Tours, who have
+once severely rebuked him, threatened him with suspension, and
+admonished him before the Chapter for having publicly told certain
+lazy people that a good harvest was not due to the grace of God, but
+to skilled labour and hard work--a doctrine which smelt of the fagot.
+And indeed he was wrong, because the fruits of the earth have need
+both of one and the other; but he died in this heresy, for he could
+never understand how crops could come without digging, if God so
+willed it--a doctrine that learned men have since proved to be true,
+by showing that formerly wheat grew very well without the aid of man.
+I cannot leave this splendid model of a pastor without giving here one
+of the acts of his life, which proves with what fervour he imitated
+the saints in the division of their goods and mantles, which they gave
+formerly to the poor and the passers-by. One day, returning from
+Tours, where he had been paying his respects to the official, mounted
+on his mule, he was nearing Azay. On the way, just out side Ballan, he
+met a pretty girl on foot, and was grieved to see a woman travelling
+like a dog; the more so as she was visibly fatigued, and could
+scarcely raise one foot before the other. He whistled to her softly,
+and the pretty wench turned round and stopped. The good priest, who
+was too good a sportsman to frighten the birds, especially the hooded
+ones, begged her so gently to ride behind him on his mule, and in so
+polite a fashion, that the lass got up; not without making those
+little excuses and grimaces that they all make when one invites them
+to eat, or to take what they like. The sheep paired off with the
+shepherd, the mule jogged along after the fashion of mules, while the
+girl slipped now this way now that, riding so uncomfortably that the
+priest pointed out to her, after leaving Ballan, that she had better
+hold on to him; and immediately my lady put her plump arms around the
+waist of her cavalier, in a modest and timorous manner.
+
+“There, you don’t slip about now. Are you comfortable?” said the
+vicar.
+
+“Yes, I am comfortable. Are you?”
+
+“I?” said the priest, “I am better than that.”
+
+And, in fact, he was quite at his ease, and was soon gently warmed in
+the back by two projections which rubbed against it, and at last
+seemed as though they wished to imprint themselves between his
+shoulder blades, which would have been a pity, as that was not the
+place for this white merchandise. By degrees the movement of mule
+brought into conjunction the internal warmth of these two good riders,
+and their blood coursed more quickly through their veins, seeing that
+it felt the motion of the mule as well as their own; and thus the good
+wench and the vicar finished by knowing each other’s thoughts, but not
+those of the mule. When they were both acclimatised, he with her and
+she with him, they felt an internal disturbance which resolved itself
+into secret desires.
+
+“Ah!” said the vicar, turning round to his companion, “here is a fine
+cluster of trees which has grown very thick.”
+
+“It is too near the road,” replied the girl. “Bad boys have cut the
+branches, and the cows have eaten the young leaves.”
+
+“Are you not married?” asked the vicar, trotting his animal again.
+
+“No,” said she.
+
+“Not at all?”
+
+“I’faith! No!”
+
+“What a shame, at your age!”
+
+“You are right, sir; but you see, a poor girl who has had a child is a
+bad bargain.”
+
+Then the good vicar taking pity on such ignorance, and knowing that
+the canons say among other things that pastors should indoctrinate
+their flock and show them the duties and responsibilities of this
+life, he thought he would only be discharging the functions of his
+office by showing her the burden she would have one day to bear. Then
+he begged her gently not be afraid, for if she would have faith in his
+loyalty no one should ever know of the marital experiment which he
+proposed then and there to perform with her; and as, since passing
+Ballan the girl had thought of nothing else; as her desire had been
+carefully sustained, and augmented by the warm movements of the
+animal, she replied harshly to the vicar, “if you talk thus I will get
+down.” Then the good vicar continued his gentle requests so well that
+on reaching the wood of Azay the girl wished to get down, and the
+priest got down there too, for it was not across a horse that this
+discussion could be finished. Then the virtuous maiden ran into the
+thickest part of the wood to get away from the vicar, calling out,
+“Oh, you wicked man, you shan’t know where I am.”
+
+The mule arrived in a glade where the grass was good, the girl tumbled
+down over a root and blushed. The good vicar came to her, and there as
+he had rung the bell for mass he went through the service for her, and
+both freely discounted the joys of paradise. The good priest had it in
+his heart to thoroughly instruct her, and found his pupil very docile,
+as gentle in mind as soft in the flesh, a perfect jewel. Therefore was
+he much aggrieved at having so much abridged the lessons by giving it
+at Azay, seeing that he would have been quite willing to recommence
+it, like all of precentors who say the same thing over and over again
+to their pupils.
+
+“Ah! little one,” cried the good man, “why did you make so much fuss
+that we only came to an understanding close to Azay?”
+
+“Ah!” said she, “I belong to Bellan.”
+
+To be brief, I must tell you that when this good man died in his
+vicarage there was a great number of people, children and others, who
+came, sorrowful, afflicted, weeping, and grieved, and all exclaimed,
+“Ah! we have lost our father.” And the girls, the widows, the wives
+and little girls looked at each other, regretting him more than a
+friend, and said, “He was more than a priest, he was a man!” Of these
+vicars the seed is cast to the winds, and they will never be
+reproduced in spite of the seminaries.
+
+Why, even the poor, to whom his savings were left, found themselves
+still the losers, and an old cripple whom he had succoured hobbled
+into the churchyard, crying “I don’t die! I don’t!” meaning to say,
+“Why did not death take me in his place?” This made some of the people
+laugh, at which the shade of the good vicar would certainly not have
+been displeased.
+
+
+
+                            THE REPROACH
+
+The fair laundress of Portillon-les-Tours, of whom a droll saying has
+already been given in this book, was a girl blessed with as much
+cunning as if she had stolen that of six priests and three women at
+least. She did not want for sweethearts, and had so many that one
+would have compared them, seeing them around her, to bees swarming of
+an evening towards their hive. An old silk dyer, who lived in the Rue
+St. Montfumier, and there possessed a house of scandalous
+magnificence, coming from his place at La Grenadiere, situated on the
+fair borders of St. Cyr, passed on horseback through Portillon in
+order to gain the Bridge of Tours. By reason of the warmth of the
+evening, he was seized with a wild desire on seeing the pretty
+washerwoman sitting upon her door-step. Now as for a very long time he
+had dreamed of this pretty maid, his resolution was taken to make her
+his wife, and in a short time she was transformed from a washerwoman
+into a dyer’s wife, a good townswoman, with laces, fine linen, and
+furniture to spare, and was happy in spite of the dyer, seeing that
+she knew very well how to manage him. The good dyer had for a crony a
+silk machinery manufacturer who was small in stature, deformed for
+life, and full of wickedness. So on the wedding-day he said to the
+dyer, “You have done well to marry, my friend, we shall have a pretty
+wife!”; and a thousand sly jokes, such as it is usual to address to a
+bridegroom.
+
+In fact, this hunchback courted the dyer’s wife, who from her nature,
+caring little for badly built people, laughed to scorn the request of
+the mechanician, and joked him about the springs, engines, and spools
+of which his shop was full. However, this great love of the hunchback
+was rebuffed by nothing, and became so irksome to the dyer’s wife that
+she resolved to cure it by a thousand practical jokes. One evening,
+after the sempiternal pursuit, she told her lover to come to the back
+door and towards midnight she would open everything to him. Now note,
+this was on a winter’s night; the Rue St. Montfumier is close to the
+Loire, and in this corner there continually blow in winter, winds
+sharp as a hundred needle-points. The good hunchback, well muffled up
+in his mantle, failed not to come, and trotted up and down to keep
+himself warm while waiting for the appointed hour. Towards midnight he
+was half frozen, as fidgety as thirty-two devils caught in a stole,
+and was about to give up his happiness, when a feeble light passed by
+the cracks of the window and came down towards the little door.
+
+“Ah, it is she!” said he.
+
+And this hope warned him once more. Then he got close to the door, and
+heard a little voice--
+
+“Are you there?” said the dyer’s wife to him.
+
+“Yes.”
+
+“Cough, that I may see.”
+
+The hunchback began to cough.
+
+“It is not you.”
+
+Then the hunchback said aloud--
+
+“How do you mean, it is not I? Do you not recognise my voice? Open the
+door!”
+
+“Who’s there?” said the dyer, opening the window.
+
+“There, you have awakened my husband, who returned from Amboise
+unexpectedly this evening.”
+
+Thereupon the dyer, seeing by the light of the moon a man at the door,
+threw a big pot of cold water over him, and cried out, “Thieves!
+thieves!” in such a manner that the hunchback was forced to run away;
+but in his fear he failed to clear the chain stretched across the
+bottom of the road and fell into the common sewer, which the sheriff
+had not then replaced by a sluice to discharge the mud into the Loire.
+In this bath the mechanician expected every moment to breathe his
+last, and cursed the fair Tascherette, for her husband’s name being
+Taschereau, she was so called by way of a little joke by the people of
+Tours.
+
+Carandas--for so was named the manufacturer of machines to weave, to
+spin, to spool, and to wind the silk--was not sufficiently smitten to
+believe in the innocence of the dyer’s wife, and swore a devilish hate
+against her. But some days afterwards, when he had recovered from his
+wetting in the dyer’s drain he came up to sup with his old comrade.
+Then the dyer’s wife reasoned with him so well, flavoured her words
+with so much honey, and wheedled him with so many fair promises, that
+he dismissed his suspicions.
+
+He asked for a fresh assignation, and the fair Tascherette with the
+face of a woman whose mind is dwelling on a subject, said to him,
+“Come tomorrow evening; my husband will be staying some days at
+Chinonceaux. The queen wishes to have some of her old dresses dyed and
+would settle the colours with him. It will take some time.”
+
+Carandas put on his best clothes, failed not to keep the appointment,
+appeared at the time fixed, and found a good supper prepared,
+lampreys, wine of Vouvray, fine white napkins--for it was not
+necessary to remonstrate with the dyer’s wife on the colour of her
+linen--and everything so well prepared that it was quite pleasant to
+him to see the dishes of fresh eels, to smell the good odour of the
+meats, and to admire a thousand little nameless things about the room,
+and La Tascherette fresh and appetising as an apple on a hot day. Now,
+the mechanician, excited to excess by these warm preparations, was on
+the point of attacking the charms of the dyer’s wife, when Master
+Taschereau gave a loud knock at the street door.
+
+“Ha!” said madame, “what has happened? Put yourself in the clothes
+chest, for I have been much abused respecting you; and if my husband
+finds you, he may undo you; he is so violent in his temper.”
+
+And immediately she thrust the hunchback into the chest, and went
+quickly to her good husband, whom she knew well would be back from
+Chinonceaux to supper. Then the dyer was kissed warmly on both his
+eyes and on both his ears and he caught his good wife to him and
+bestowed upon her two hearty smacks with his lips that sounded all
+over the room. Then the pair sat down to supper, talked together and
+finished by going to bed; and the mechanician heard all, though
+obliged to remain crumpled up, and not to cough or to make a single
+movement. He was in with the linen, crushed up as close as a sardine
+in a box, and had about as much air as he would have had at the bottom
+of a river; but he had, to divert him, the music of love, the sighs of
+the dyer, and the little jokes of La Tascherette. At last, when he
+fancied his old comrade was asleep, he made an attempt to get out of
+the chest.
+
+“Who is there?” said the dyer.
+
+“What is the matter my little one?” said his wife, lifting her nose
+above the counterpane.
+
+“I heard a scratching,” said the good man.
+
+“We shall have rain to-morrow; it’s the cat,” replied his wife.
+
+The good husband put his head back upon the pillow after having been
+gently embraced by his spouse. “There, my dear, you are a light
+sleeper. It’s no good trying to make a proper husband of you. There,
+be good. Oh! oh! my little papa, your nightcap is on one side. There,
+put it on the other way, for you must look pretty even when you are
+asleep. There! are you all right?”
+
+“Yes.”
+
+“Are you sleep?” said she, giving him a kiss.
+
+“Yes.”
+
+In the morning the dyer’s wife came softly and let out the
+mechanician, who was whiter than a ghost.
+
+“Give me air, give me air!” said he.
+
+And away he ran cured of his love, but with as much hate in his heart
+as a pocket could hold of black wheat. The said hunchback left Tours
+and went to live in the town of Bruges, where certain merchants had
+sent for him to arrange the machinery for making hauberks.
+
+During his long absence, Carandas, who had Moorish blood in his veins,
+since he was descended from an ancient Saracen left half dead after
+the great battle which took place between the Moors and the French in
+the commune of Bellan (which is mentioned in the preceding tale), in
+which place are the Landes of Charlemagne, where nothing grows because
+of the cursed wretches and infidels there interred, and where the
+grass disagrees even with the cows--this Carandas never rose up or lay
+down in a foreign land without thinking of how he could give strength
+to his desires of vengeance; and he was dreaming always of it, and
+wishing nothing less than the death of the fair washerwoman of
+Portillon and often would cry out “I will eat her flesh! I will cook
+one of her breasts, and swallow it without sauce!” It was a tremendous
+hate of good constitution--a cardinal hate--a hate of a wasp or an old
+maid. It was all known hates moulded into one single hate, which
+boiled itself, concocted itself, and resolved self into an elixir of
+wicked and diabolical sentiments, warmed at the fire of the most
+flaming furnaces of hell--it was, in fact, a master hate.
+
+Now one fine day, the said Carandas came back into Touraine with much
+wealth, that he brought from the country of Flanders, where he had
+sold his mechanical secrets. He bought a splendid house in Rue St.
+Montfumier, which is still to be seen, and is the astonishment of the
+passers-by, because it has certain very queer round humps fashioned
+upon the stones of the wall. Carandas, the hater, found many notable
+changes at the house of his friend, the dyer, for the good man had two
+sweet children, who, by a curious chance, presented no resemblance
+either to the mother or to the father. But as it is necessary that
+children bear a resemblance to someone, there are certain people who
+look for the features of their ancestors, when they are
+good-looking--the flatters. So it was found by the good husband that
+his two boys were like one of his uncles, formerly a priest at Notre
+Dame de l’Egrignolles, but according to certain jokers, these two
+children were the living portraits of a good-looking shaven crown
+officiating in the Church of Notre Dame la Riche, a celebrated parish
+situated between Tours and Plessis. Now, believe one thing, and
+inculcate it upon your minds, and when in this book you shall only
+have gleaned, gathered, extracted, and learned this one principle of
+truth, look upon yourself as a lucky man--namely, that a man can never
+dispense with his nose, id est, that a man will always be snotty--that
+is to say, he will remain a man, and thus will continue throughout all
+future centuries to laugh and drink, to find himself in his shirt
+without feeling either better or worse there, and will have the same
+occupations. But these preparatory ideas are to better to fix in the
+understanding that this two-footed soul will always accept as true
+those things which flatter his passions, caress his hates, or serve
+his amours: from this comes logic. So it was that, the first day the
+above-mentioned Carandas saw his old comrade’s children, saw the
+handsome priest, saw the beautiful wife of the dyer, saw La
+Taschereau, all seated at the table, and saw to his detriment the best
+piece of lamprey given with a certain air by La Tascherette to her
+friend the priest, the mechanician said to himself, “My old friend is
+a cuckold, his wife intrigues with the little confessor, and the
+children have been begotten with his holy water. I’ll show them that
+the hunchbacks have something more than other men.”
+
+And this was true--true as it is that Tours has always had its feet in
+the Loire, like a pretty girl who bathes herself and plays with the
+water, making a flick-flack, by beating the waves with her fair white
+hands; for the town is more smiling, merry, loving, fresh, flowery,
+and fragrant than all the other towns of the world, which are not
+worthy to comb her locks or to buckle her waistband. And be sure if
+you go there you will find, in the centre of it, a sweet place, in
+which is a delicious street where everyone promenades, where there is
+always a breeze, shade, sun, rain, and love. Ha! ha! laugh away, but
+go there. It is a street always new, always royal, always imperial--a
+patriotic street, a street with two paths, a street open at both ends,
+a wide street, a street so large that no one has ever cried, “Out of
+the way!” there. A street which does not wear out, a street which
+leads to the abbey of Grand-mont, and to a trench, which works very
+well with the bridge, and at the end of which is a finer fair ground.
+A street well paved, well built, well washed, as clean as a glass,
+populous, silent at certain times, a coquette with a sweet nightcap on
+its pretty blue tiles--to be short, it is the street where I was born;
+it is the queen of streets, always between the earth and sky; a street
+with a fountain; a street which lacks nothing to be celebrated among
+streets; and, in fact, it is the real street, the only street of
+Tours. If there are others, they are dark, muddy, narrow, and damp,
+and all come respectfully to salute this noble street, which commands
+them. Where am I? For once in this street no one cares to come out of
+it, so pleasant it is. But I owed this filial homage, this descriptive
+hymn sung from the heart to my natal street, at the corners of which
+there are wanting only the brave figures of my good master Rabelais,
+and of Monsieur Descartes, both unknown to the people of the country.
+To resume: the said Carandas was, on his return from Flanders,
+entertained by his comrade, and by all those by whom he was liked for
+his jokes, his drollery, and quaint remarks. The good hunchback
+appeared cured of his old love, embraced the children, and when he was
+alone with the dyer’s wife, recalled the night in the clothes-chest,
+and the night in the sewer, to her memory, saying to her, “Ha, ha!
+what games you used to have with me.”
+
+“It was your own fault,” said she, laughing. “If you had allowed
+yourself by reason of your great love to be ridiculed, made a fool of,
+and bantered a few more times, you might have made an impression on
+me, like the others.” Thereupon Carandas commenced to laugh, though
+inwardly raging all the time. Seeing the chest where he had nearly
+been suffocated, his anger increased the more violently because the
+sweet creature had become still more beautiful, like all those who are
+permanently youthful from bathing in the water of youth, which waters
+are naught less than the sources of love. The mechanician studied the
+proceedings in the way of cuckoldom at his neighbour’s house, in order
+to revenge himself, for as many houses as there are so many varieties
+of manner are there in this business; and although all amours resemble
+each other in the same manner that all men resemble each other, it is
+proved to the abstractors of true things, that for the happiness of
+women, each love has its especial physiognomy, and if there is nothing
+that resembles a man so much as a man, there is also nothing differs
+from a man so much as a man. That it is, which confuses all things, or
+explains the thousand fancies of women, who seek the best men with a
+thousand pains and a thousand pleasures, perhaps more the one than the
+other. But how can I blame them for their essays, changes, and
+contradictory aims? Why, Nature frisks and wriggles, twists and turns
+about, and you expect a woman to remain still! Do you know if ice is
+really cold? No. Well then, neither do you know that cuckoldom is not
+a lucky chance, the produce of brains well furnished and better made
+than all the others. Seek something better than ventosity beneath the
+sky. This will help to spread the philosophic reputation of this
+eccentric book. Oh yes; go on. He who cries “vermin powder,” is more
+advanced than those who occupy themselves with Nature, seeing that she
+is a proud jade and a capricious one, and only allows herself to be
+seen at certain times. Do you understand? So in all languages does she
+belong to the feminine gender, being a thing essentially changeable
+and fruitful and fertile in tricks.
+
+Now Carandas soon recognised the fact that among cuckoldoms the best
+understood and the most discreet is ecclesiastical cuckoldom. This is
+how the good dyer’s wife had laid her plans. She went always towards
+her cottage at Grenadiere-les-St.-Cyr on the eve of the Sabbath,
+leaving her good husband to finish his work, to count up and check his
+books, and to pay his workmen; then Taschereau would join her there on
+the morrow, and always found a good breakfast ready and his good wife
+gay, and always brought the priest with him. The fact is, this
+damnable priest crossed the Loire the night before in a small boat, in
+order to keep the dyer’s wife warm, and to calm her fancies, in order
+that she might sleep well during the night, a duty which young men
+understand very well. Then this fine curber of phantasies got back to
+his house in the morning by the time Taschereau came to invite him to
+spend the day at La Grenadiere, and the cuckold always found the
+priest asleep in his bed. The boatman being well paid, no one knew
+anything of these goings on, for the lover journeyed the night before
+after night fall, and on the Sunday in the early morning. As soon as
+Carandas had verified the arrangement and constant practice of these
+gallant diversions, he determined to wait for a day when the lovers
+would meet, hungry one for the other, after some accidental
+abstinence. This meeting took place very soon, and the curious
+hunchback saw the boatman waiting below the square, at the Canal St.
+Antoine, for the young priest, who was handsome, blonde, slender, and
+well-shaped, like the gallant and cowardly hero of love, so celebrated
+by Monsieur Ariosto. Then the mechanician went to find the old dyer,
+who always loved his wife and always believed himself the only man who
+had a finger in her pie.
+
+“Ah! good evening, old friend,” said Carandas to Taschereau; and
+Taschereau made him a bow.
+
+Then the mechanician relates to him all the secret festivals of love,
+vomits words of peculiar import, and pricks the dyer on all sides.
+
+At length, seeing he was ready to kill both his wife and the priest,
+Carandas said to him, “My good neighbour, I had brought back from
+Flanders a poisoned sword, which will instantly kill anyone, if it
+only make a scratch upon him. Now, directly you shall have merely
+touched your wench and her paramour, they will die.”
+
+“Let us go and fetch it,” said the dyer.
+
+Then the two merchants went in great haste to the house of the
+hunchback, to get the sword and rush off to the country.
+
+“But shall we find them in flagrante delicto?” asked Taschereau.
+
+“You will see,” said the hunchback, jeering his friend. In fact, the
+cuckold had not long to wait to behold the joy of the two lovers.
+
+The sweet wench and her well-beloved were busy trying to catch, in a
+certain lake that you probably know, that little bird that sometimes
+makes his nest there, and they were laughing and trying, and still
+laughing.
+
+“Ah, my darling!” said she, clasping him, as though she wished to make
+an outline of him on her chest, “I love thee so much I should like to
+eat thee! Nay, more than that, to have you in my skin, so that you
+might never quit me.”
+
+“I should like it too,” replied the priest, “but as you can’t have me
+altogether, you must try a little bit at a time.”
+
+It was at this moment that the husband entered, he sword unsheathed
+and flourished above him. The beautiful Tascherette, who knew her
+lord’s face well, saw what would be the fate of her well-beloved the
+priest. But suddenly she sprang towards the good man, half naked, her
+hair streaming over her, beautiful with shame, but more beautiful with
+love, and cried to him, “Stay, unhappy man! Wouldst thou kill the
+father of thy children?”
+
+Thereupon the good dyer staggered by the paternal majesty of
+cuckoldom, and perhaps also by the fire of his wife’s eyes, let the
+sword fall upon the foot of the hunchback, who had followed him, and
+thus killed him.
+
+This teaches us not to be spiteful.
+
+
+
+                              EPILOGUE
+
+Here endeth the first series of these Tales, a roguish sample of the
+works of that merry Muse, born ages ago, in our fair land of Touraine,
+the which Muse is a good wench, and knows by heart that fine saying of
+her friend Verville, written in _Le Moyen de Parvenir_: It is only
+necessary to be bold to obtain favours. Alas! mad little one, get thee
+to bed again, sleep; thou art panting from thy journey; perhaps thou
+hast been further than the present time. Now dry thy fair naked feet,
+stop thine ears, and return to love. If thou dreamest other poesy
+interwoven with laughter to conclude these merry inventions, heed not
+the foolish clamour and insults of those who, hearing the carol of a
+joyous lark of other days, exclaim: Ah, the horrid bird!
+
+
+
+
+                             VOLUME II
+                        THE SECOND TEN TALES
+
+
+
+                              CONTENTS
+
+PROLOGUE
+THE THREE CLERKS OF SAINT NICHOLAS
+THE CONTINENCE OF KING FRANCIS THE FIRST
+THE MERRY TATTLE OF THE NUNS OF POISSY
+HOW THE CHATEAU D’AZAY CAME TO BE BUILT
+THE FALSE COURTESAN
+THE DANGER OF BEING TOO INNOCENT
+THE DEAR NIGHT OF LOVE
+THE SERMON OF THE MERRY VICAR OF MEUDON
+THE SUCCUBUS
+DESPAIR IN LOVE
+EPILOGUE
+
+
+
+                              PROLOGUE
+
+Certain persons have reproached the Author for knowing no more about
+the language of the olden times than hares do of telling stories.
+Formerly these people would have been vilified, called cannibals,
+churls, and sycophants, and Gomorrah would have been hinted at as
+their natal place. But the Author consents to spare them the flowery
+epithets of ancient criticism; he contents himself with wishing not to
+be in their skin, for he would be disgusted with himself, and esteem
+himself the vilest of scribblers thus to calumniate a poor little book
+which is not in the style of any spoil-paper of these times. Ah!
+ill-natured wretches! you should save your breath to cool your own
+porridge! The Author consoles himself for his want of success in not
+pleasing everyone by remembering that an old Tourainian, of eternal
+memory, had put up with such contumely, that losing all patience, he
+declared in one of his prologues, that he would never more put pen to
+paper. Another age, but the same manners. Nothing changes, neither God
+above nor men below. Thereupon of the Author continues his task with a
+light heart, relying upon the future to reward his heavy labours.
+
+And certes, it is a hard task to invent _A Hundred Droll Tales_, since
+not only have ruffians and envious men opened fire upon him, but his
+friends have imitated their example, and come to him saying “Are you
+mad? Do you think it is possible? No man ever had in the depths of his
+imagination a hundred such tales. Change the hyperbolic title of your
+budget. You will never finish it.” These people are neither
+misanthropes nor cannibals; whether they are ruffians I know not; but
+for certain they are kind, good-natured friends; friends who have the
+courage to tell you disagreeable things all your life along, who are
+rough and sharp as currycombs, under the pretence that they are yours
+to command, in all the mishaps of life, and in the hour of extreme
+unction, all their worth will be known. If such people would only keep
+these sad kindnesses; but they will not. When their terrors are proved
+to have been idle, they exclaimed triumphantly, “Ha! ha! I knew it. I
+always said so.”
+
+In order not to discourage fine sentiments, intolerable though they
+be, the Author leaves to his friends his old shoes, and in order to
+make their minds easy, assures them that he has, legally protected and
+exempt from seizure, seventy droll stories, in that reservoir of
+nature, his brain. By the gods! they are precious yarns, well rigged
+out with phrases, carefully furnished with catastrophes, amply clothed
+with original humour, rich in diurnal and nocturnal effects, nor
+lacking that plot which the human race has woven each minute, each
+hour, each week, month, and year of the great ecclesiastical
+computation, commenced at a time when the sun could scarcely see, and
+the moon waited to be shown her way. These seventy subjects, which he
+gives you leave to call bad subjects, full of tricks and impudence,
+lust, lies, jokes, jests, and ribaldry, joined to the two portions
+here given, are, by the prophet! a small instalment on the aforesaid
+hundred.
+
+Were it not a bad time for a bibliopolists, bibliomaniacs,
+bibliographers, and bibliotheques which hinder bibliolatry, he would
+have given them in a bumper, and not drop by drop as if he were
+afflicted with dysury of the brain. He cannot possibly be suspected of
+this infirmity, since he often gives good weight, putting several
+stories into one, as is clearly demonstrated by several in this
+volume. You may rely on it, that he has chosen for the finish, the
+best and most ribald of the lot, in order that he may not be accused
+of a senile discourse. Put then more likes with your dislikes, and
+dislikes with your likes. Forgetting the niggardly behaviour of nature
+to story-tellers, of whom there are not more than seven perfect in the
+great ocean of human writers, others, although friendly, have been of
+opinion that, at a time when everyone went about dressed in black, as
+if in mourning for something, it was necessary to concoct works either
+wearisomely serious or seriously wearisome; that a writer could only
+live henceforward by enshrining his ideas in some vast edifice, and
+that those who were unable to construct cathedrals and castles of
+which neither stone nor cement could be moved, would die unknown, like
+the Pope’s slippers. The friends were requested to declare which they
+liked best, a pint of good wine, or a tun of cheap rubbish; a diamond
+of twenty-two carats, or a flintstone weighing a hundred pounds; the
+ring of Hans Carvel, as told by Rabelais, or a modern narrative
+pitifully expectorated by a schoolboy. Seeing them dumbfounded and
+abashed, it was calmly said to them, “Do you thoroughly understand,
+good people? Then go your ways and mind your own businesses.”
+
+The following, however, must be added, for the benefit of all of whom
+it may concern:--The good man to whom we owe fables and stories of
+sempiternal authority only used his tool on them, having taken his
+material from others; but the workmanship expended on these little
+figures has given them a high value; and although he was, like M.
+Louis Ariosto, vituperated for thinking of idle pranks and trifles,
+there is a certain insect engraved by him which has since become a
+monument of perennity more assured than that of the most solidly built
+works. In the especial jurisprudence of wit and wisdom the custom is
+to steal more dearly a leaf wrested from the book of Nature and Truth,
+than all the indifferent volumes from which, however fine they be, it
+is impossible to extract either a laugh or a tear. The author has
+licence to say this without any impropriety, since it is not his
+intention to stand upon tiptoe in order to obtain an unnatural height,
+but because it is a question of the majesty of his art, and not of
+himself--a poor clerk of the court, whose business it is to have ink
+in his pen, to listen to the gentleman on the bench, and take down the
+sayings of each witness in this case. He is responsible for
+workmanship, Nature for the rest, since from the Venus of Phidias the
+Athenian, down to the little old fellow, Godenot, commonly called the
+Sieur Breloque, a character carefully elaborated by one of the most
+celebrated authors of the present day, everything is studied from the
+eternal model of human imitations which belongs to all. At this honest
+business, happy are the robbers that they are not hanged, but esteemed
+and beloved. But he is a triple fool, a fool with ten horns on his
+head, who struts, boasts, and is puffed up at an advantage due to the
+hazard of dispositions, because glory lies only in the cultivation of
+the faculties, in patience and courage.
+
+As for the soft-voiced and pretty-mouthed ones, who have whispered
+delicately in the author’s ear, complaining to him that they have
+disarranged their tresses and spoiled their petticoats in certain
+places, he would say to them, “Why did you go there?” To these remarks
+he is compelled, through the notable slanders of certain people, to
+add a notice to the well-disposed, in order that they may use it, and
+end the calumnies of the aforesaid scribblers concerning him.
+
+These droll tales are written--according to all authorities--at that
+period when Queen Catherine, of the house of Medici, was hard at work;
+for, during a great portion of the reign, she was always interfering
+with public affairs to the advantage of our holy religion. The which
+time has seized many people by the throat, from our defunct Master
+Francis, first of that name, to the Assembly at Blois, where fell M.
+de Guise. Now, even schoolboys who play at chuck-farthing, know that
+at this period of insurrection, pacifications and disturbances, the
+language of France was a little disturbed also, on account of the
+inventions of the poets, who at that time, as at this, used each to
+make a language for himself, besides the strange Greek, Latin,
+Italian, German, and Swiss words, foreign phrases, and Spanish jargon,
+introduced by foreigners, so that a poor writer has plenty of elbow
+room in this Babelish language, which has since been taken in hand by
+Messieurs de Balzac, Blaise Pascal, Furetiere, Menage, St. Evremonde,
+de Malherbe, and others, who first cleaned out the French language,
+sent foreign words to the rightabout, and gave the right of
+citizenship to legitimate words used and known by everyone, but of
+which the Sieur Ronsard was ashamed.
+
+Having finished, the author returns to his lady-love, wishing every
+happiness to those by whom he is beloved; to the others misfortune
+according to their deserts. When the swallows fly homeward, he will
+come again, not without the third and fourth volume, which he here
+promises to the Pantagruelists, merry knaves, and honest wags of all
+degrees, who have a wholesome horror of the sadness, sombre meditation
+and melancholy of literary croakers.
+
+
+
+                  THE THREE CLERKS OF ST. NICHOLAS
+
+The _Inn of the Three Barbels_ was formerly at Tours, the best place
+in the town for sumptuous fare; and the landlord, reputed the best of
+cooks, went to prepare wedding breakfasts as far as Chatelherault,
+Loches, Vendome, and Blois. This said man, an old fox, perfect in his
+business, never lighted lamps in the day time, knew how to skin a
+flint, charged for wool, leather, and feathers, had an eye to
+everything, did not easily let anyone pay with chaff instead of coin,
+and for a penny less than his account would have affronted even a
+prince. For the rest, he was a good banterer, drinking and laughing
+with his regular customers, hat in hand always before the persons
+furnished with plenary indulgences entitled _Sit nomen Domini
+benedictum_, running them into expense, and proving to them, if need
+were, by sound argument, that wines were dear, and that whatever they
+might think, nothing was given away in Touraine, everything had to be
+bought, and, at the same time, paid for. In short, if he could without
+disgrace have done so, he would have reckoned so much for the good
+air, and so much for the view of the country. Thus he built up a tidy
+fortune with other people’s money, became as round as a butt, larded
+with fat, and was called Monsieur. At the time of the last fair three
+young fellows, who were apprentices in knavery, in whom there was more
+of the material that makes thieves than saints, and who knew just how
+far it was possible to go without catching their necks in the branches
+of trees, made up their minds to amuse themselves, and live well,
+condemning certain hawkers or others in all the expenses. Now these
+limbs of Satan gave the slip to their masters, under whom they had
+been studying the art of parchment scrawling, and came to stay at the
+hotel of the Three Barbels, where they demanded the best rooms, turned
+the place inside out, turned up their noses at everything, bespoke all
+the lampreys in the market, and announced themselves as first-class
+merchants, who never carried their goods with them, and travelled only
+with their persons. The host bustled about, turned the spits, and
+prepared a glorious repast, for these three dodgers, who had already
+made noise enough for a hundred crowns, and who most certainly would
+not even have given up the copper coins which one of them was jingling
+in his pocket. But if they were hard up for money they did not want
+for ingenuity, and all three arranged to play their parts like thieves
+at a fair. Theirs was a farce in which there was plenty of eating and
+drinking, since for five days they so heartily attacked every kind of
+provision that a party of German soldiers would have spoiled less than
+they obtained by fraud. These three cunning fellows made their way to
+the fair after breakfast, well primed, gorged, and big in the belly,
+and did as they liked with the greenhorns and others, robbing,
+filching, playing, and losing, taking down the writings and signs and
+changing them, putting that of the toyman over the jeweller’s, and
+that of the jeweller’s outside the shoe maker’s, turning the shops
+inside out, making the dogs fight, cutting the ropes of tethered
+horses, throwing cats among the crowd, crying, “Stop thief!” And
+saying to every one they met, “Are you not Monsieur D’Enterfesse of
+Angiers?” Then they hustled everyone, making holes in the sacks of
+flour, looking for their handkerchiefs in ladies’ pockets, raising
+their skirts, crying, looking for a lost jewel and saying to them--
+
+“Ladies, it has fallen into a hole!”
+
+They directed the little children wrongly, slapped the stomachs of
+those who were gaping in the air, and prowled about, fleecing and
+annoying every one. In short, the devil would have been a gentleman in
+comparison with these blackguard students, who would have been hanged
+rather than do an honest action; as well have expected charity from
+two angry litigants. They left the fair, not fatigued, but tired of
+ill-doing, and spent the remainder of their time over dinner until the
+evening when they recommenced their pranks by torchlight. After the
+peddlers, they commenced operations on the ladies of the town, to
+whom, by a thousand dodges, they gave only that which they received,
+according to the axiom of Justinian: _Cuiqum jus tribuere_. “To every
+one his own juice;” and afterwards jokingly said to the poor wenches--
+
+“We are in the right and you are in the wrong.”
+
+At last, at supper-time, having nothing else to do, they began to
+knock each other about, and to keep the game alive, complained of the
+flies to the landlord, remonstrating with him that elsewhere the
+innkeepers had them caught in order that gentleman of position might
+not be annoyed by them. However, towards the fifth day, which is the
+critical day of fevers, the host not having seen, although he kept his
+eyes wide open, the royal surface of a crown, and knowing that if all
+that glittered were gold it would be cheaper, began to knit his brows
+and go more slowly about that which his high-class merchants required
+of him. Fearing that he had made a bad bargain with them, he tried to
+sound the depth of their pockets; perceiving which the three clerks
+ordered him with the assurance of a Provost hanging his man, to serve
+them quickly with a good supper as they had to depart immediately.
+Their merry countenances dismissed the host’s suspicions. Thinking
+that rogues without money would certainly look grave, he prepared a
+supper worthy of a canon, wishing even to see them drunk, in order the
+more easily to clap them in jail in the event of an accident. Not
+knowing how to make their escape from the room, in which they were
+about as much at their ease as are fish upon straw, the three
+companions ate and drank immoderately, looking at the situation of the
+windows, waiting the moment to decamp, but not getting the
+opportunity. Cursing their luck, one of them wished to go and undo his
+waistcoat, on account of a colic, the other to fetch a doctor to the
+third, who did his best to faint. The cursed landlord kept dodging
+about from the kitchen into the room, and from the room into the
+kitchen, watching the nameless ones, and going a step forward to save
+his crowns, and going a step back to save his crown, in case they
+should be real gentlemen; and he acted like a brave and prudent host
+who likes halfpence and objects to kicks; but under pretence of
+properly attending to them, he always had an ear in the room, and a
+foot in the court; fancied he was always being called by them, came
+every time they laughed, showing them a face with an unsettled look
+upon it, and always said, “Gentlemen, what is your pleasure?” This was
+an interrogatory in reply to which they would willingly have given him
+ten inches of his own spit in his stomach, because he appeared as if
+he knew very well what would please them at this juncture, seeing that
+to have twenty crowns, full weight, they would each of them have sold
+a third of his eternity. You can imagine they sat on their seats as if
+they were gridirons, that their feet itched and their posteriors were
+rather warm. Already the host had put the pears, the cheese, and the
+preserves near their noses, but they, sipping their liquor, and
+picking at the dishes, looked at each other to see if either of them
+had found a good piece of roguery in his sack, and they all began to
+enjoy themselves rather woefully. The most cunning of the three
+clerks, who was a Burgundian, smiled and said, seeing the hour of
+payment arrived, “This must stand over for a week,” as if they had
+been at the Palais de Justice. The two others, in spite of the danger,
+began to laugh.
+
+“What do we owe?” asked he who had in his belt the heretofore
+mentioned twelve sols and he turned them about as though he would make
+them breed little ones by this excited movement. He was a native of
+Picardy, and very passionate; a man to take offence at anything in
+order that he might throw the landlord out the window in all security
+of conscience. Now he said these words with the air of a man of
+immense wealth.
+
+“Six crowns, gentlemen,” replied the host, holding out his hand.
+
+“I cannot permit myself to be entertained by you alone, Viscount,”
+ said the third student, who was from Anjou, and as artful as a woman
+in love.
+
+“Neither can I,” said the Burgundian.
+
+“Gentlemen! Gentlemen!” replied the Picardian “you are jesting. I am
+yours to command.”
+
+“Sambreguoy!” cried he of Anjou. “You will not let us pay three times;
+our host would not suffer it.”
+
+“Well then,” said the Burgundian, “whichever of us shall tell the
+worst tale shall justify the landlord.”
+
+“Who will be the judge?” asked the Picardian, dropping his twelve sols
+to the bottom of his pocket.
+
+“Pardieu! our host. He should be capable, seeing that he is a man of
+taste,” said he of Anjou. “Come along, great chef, sit you down,
+drink, and lend us both your ears. The audience is open.”
+
+Thereupon the host sat down, but not until he had poured out a
+gobletful of wine.
+
+“My turn first,” said the Anjou man. “I commence.”
+
+“In our Duchy of Anjou, the country people are very faithful servants
+to our Holy of Catholic religion, and none of them will lose his
+portion of paradise for lack of doing penance or killing a heretic. If
+a professor of heresy passed that way, he quickly found himself under
+the grass, without knowing whence his death had proceeded. A good man
+of Larze, returning one night from his evening prayer to the wine
+flasks of Pomme-de-Pin, where he had left his understanding and
+memory, fell into a ditch full of water near his house, and found he
+was up to his neck. One of the neighbours finding him shortly
+afterwards nearly frozen, for it was winter time, said jokingly to
+him--
+
+“‘Hulloa! What are you waiting for there?’
+
+“‘A thaw’, said the tipsy fellow, finding himself held by the ice.
+
+“Then Godenot, like a good Christian, released him from his dilemma,
+and opened the door of the house to him, out of respect to the wine,
+which is lord of this country. The good man then went and got into the
+bed of the maid-servant, who was a young and pretty wench. The old
+bungler, bemuddled with wine, went ploughing in the wrong land,
+fancying all the time it was his wife by his side, and thanking her
+for the youth and freshness she still retained. On hearing her
+husband, the wife began to cry out, and by her terrible shrieks the
+man was awakened to the fact that he was not in the road to salvation,
+which made the poor labourer sorrowful beyond expression.
+
+“‘Ah! said he; ‘God has punished me for not going to vespers at
+Church.’
+
+“And he began to excuse himself as best he could, saying, that the
+wine had muddled his understanding, and getting into his own bed he
+kept repeating to his good wife, that for his best cow he would not
+have had this sin upon his conscience.
+
+“‘My dear’, said she, ‘go and confess the first thing tomorrow
+morning, and let us say no more about it.’
+
+“The good man trotted to confessional, and related his case with all
+humility to the rector of the parish, who was a good old priest,
+capable of being up above, the slipper of the holy foot.
+
+“‘An error is not a sin,’ said he to the penitent. ‘You will fast
+tomorrow, and be absolved.’
+
+“‘Fast!--with pleasure,’ said the good man. ‘That does not mean go
+without drink.’
+
+“‘Oh!’ replied the rector, ‘you must drink water, and eat nothing but
+a quarter of a loaf and an apple.’
+
+“Then the good man, who had no confidence in his memory, went home,
+repeating to himself the penance ordered. But having loyally commenced
+with a quarter of a loaf and an apple, he arrived at home, saying, a
+quarter of apples, and a loaf.
+
+“Then, to purify his soul, he set about accomplishing his fast, and
+his good woman having given him a loaf from the safe, and unhooked a
+string of apples from the beam, he set sorrowfully to work. As he
+heaved a sigh on taking the last mouthful of bread hardly knowing
+where to put it, for he was full to the chin, his wife remonstrated
+with him, that God did not desire the death of a sinner, and that for
+lack of putting a crust of bread in his belly, he would not be
+reproached for having put things in their wrong places.
+
+“‘Hold your tongue, wife!’ said he. ‘If it chokes me, I must fast.’”
+
+“I’ve payed my share, it’s your turn, Viscount,” added he of Anjou,
+giving the Picardian a knowing wink.
+
+“The goblets are empty. Hi, there! More wine.”
+
+“Let us drink,” cried the Picardian. “Moist stories slip out easier.”
+
+At the same time he tossed off a glassful without leaving a drop at
+the bottom, and after a preliminary little cough, he related the
+following:--
+
+“You must know that the maids of Picardy, before setting up
+housekeeping, are accustomed honestly to gain their linen, vessels,
+and chests; in short, all the needed household utensils. To accomplish
+this, they go into service in Peronne, Abbeville, Amiens, and other
+towns, where they are tire-women, wash up glasses, clean plates, fold
+linen, and carry up the dinner, or anything that there is to be
+carried. They are all married as soon as they possess something else
+besides that which they naturally bring to their husbands. These women
+are the best housewives, because they understand the business and
+everything else thoroughly. One belonging to Azonville, which is the
+land of which I am lord by inheritance, having heard speak of Paris,
+where the people did not put themselves out of the way for anyone, and
+where one could subsist for a whole day by passing the cook’s shops,
+and smelling the steam, so fattening was it, took it into her head to
+go there. She trudged bravely along the road, and arrived with a
+pocket full of emptiness. There she fell in, at the Porte St. Denise,
+with a company of soldiers, placed there for a time as a vidette, for
+the Protestants had assumed a dangerous attitude. The sergeant seeing
+this hooded linnet coming, stuck his headpiece on one side,
+straightened his feather, twisted his moustache, cleared his throat,
+rolled his eyes, put his hand on his hips, and stopped the Picardian
+to see if her ears were properly pierced, since it was forbidden to
+girls to enter otherwise into Paris. Then he asked her, by way of a
+joke, but with a serious face, what brought her there, he pretending
+to believe she had come to take the keys of Paris by assault. To which
+the poor innocent replied, that she was in search of a good situation,
+and had no evil intentions, only desiring to gain something.
+
+“‘Very well; I will employ you,’ said the wag. ‘I am from Picardy, and
+will get you taken in here, where you will be treated as a queen would
+often like to be, and you will be able to make a good thing of it.’
+
+“Then he led her to the guard-house, where he told her to sweep the
+floor, polish the saucepans, stir the fire, and keep a watch on
+everything, adding that she should have thirty sols a head from the
+men if their service pleased her. Now seeing that the squad was there
+for a month, she would be able to gain ten crowns, and at their
+departure would find fresh arrivals who would make good arrangements
+with her, and by this means she would be able to take back money and
+presents to her people. The girl cleaned the room and prepared the
+meals so well, singing and humming, that this day the soldiers found
+in their den the look of a monk’s refectory. Then all being well
+content, each of them gave a sol to their handmaiden. Well satisfied,
+they put her into the bed of their commandant, who was in town with
+his lady, and they petted and caressed her after the manner of
+philosophical soldiers, that is, soldiers partial to that which is
+good. She was soon comfortably ensconced between the sheets. But to
+avoid quarrels and strife, my noble warriors drew lots for their turn,
+arranged themselves in single file, playing well at Pique hardie,
+saying not a word, but each one taking at least twenty-six sols worth
+of the girl’s society. Although not accustomed to work for so many,
+the poor girl did her best, and by this means never closed her eyes
+the whole night. In the morning, seeing the soldiers were fast asleep,
+she rose happy at bearing no marks of the sharp skirmish, and although
+slightly fatigued, managed to get across the fields into the open
+country with her thirty sols. On the route to Picardy, she met one of
+her friends, who, like herself, wished to try service in Paris, and
+was hurrying thither, and seeing her, asked her what sort of places
+they were.
+
+“‘Ah! Perrine; do not go. You want to be made of iron, and even if you
+were it would soon be worn away,’ was the answer.
+
+“Now, big-belly of Burgundy,” said he, giving his neighbour a hearty
+slap, “spit out your story or pay!”
+
+“By the queen of Antlers!” replied the Burgundian, “by my faith, by
+the saints, by God! and by the devil, I know only stories of the Court
+of Burgundy, which are only current coin in our own land.”
+
+“Eh, ventre Dieu! are we not in the land of Beauffremont?” cried the
+other, pointing to the empty goblets.
+
+“I will tell you, then, an adventure well known at Dijon, which
+happened at the time I was in command there, and was worth being
+written down. There was a sergeant of justice named Franc-Taupin, who
+was an old lump of mischief, always grumbling, always fighting; stiff
+and starchy, and never comforting those he was leading to the hulks,
+with little jokes by the way; and in short, he was just the man to
+find lice in bald heads, and bad behaviour in the Almighty. This said
+Taupin, spurned by every one, took unto himself a wife, and by chance
+he was blessed with one as mild as the peel of an onion, who, noticing
+the peculiar humour of her husband, took more pains to bring joy to
+his house than would another to bestow horns upon him. But although
+she was careful to obey him in all things, and to live at peace would
+have tried to excrete gold for him, had God permitted it, this man was
+always surly and crabbed, and no more spared his wife blows, than does
+a debtor promises to the bailiff’s man. This unpleasant treatment
+continuing in spite of the carefulness and angelic behaviour of the
+poor woman, she being unable to accustom herself to it, was compelled
+to inform her relations, who thereupon came to the house. When they
+arrived, the husband declared to them that his wife was an idiot, that
+she displeased him in every possible way, and made his life almost
+unbearable; that she would wake him out of his first sleep, never came
+to the door when he knocked, but would leave him out in the rain and
+the cold, and that the house was always untidy. His garments were
+buttonless, his laces wanted tags. The linen was spoiling, the wine
+turning sour, the wood damp, and the bed was always creaking at
+unreasonable moments. In short, everything was going wrong. To this
+tissue of falsehoods, the wife replied by pointing to the clothes and
+things, all in a state of thorough repair. Then the sergeant said that
+he was very badly treated, that his dinner was never ready for him, or
+if it was, the broth was thin or the soup cold, either the wine or the
+glasses were forgotten, the meat was without gravy or parsley, the
+mustard had turned, he either found hairs in the dish or the cloth was
+dirty and took away his appetite, indeed nothing did she ever get for
+him that was to his liking. The wife, astonished, contented herself
+with stoutly denying the fault imputed to her. ‘Ah,’ said he, ‘you
+dirty hussy! You deny it, do you! Very well then, my friends, you come
+and dine here to-day, you shall be witnesses of her misconduct. And if
+she can for once serve me properly, I will confess myself wrong in all
+I have stated, and will never lift my hand against her again, but will
+resign to her my halberd and my breeches, and give her full authority
+here.’
+
+“‘Oh, well,’ said she, joyfully, ‘I shall then henceforth be both wife
+and mistress!’
+
+“Then the husband, confident of the nature and imperfections of his
+wife, desired that the dinner should be served under the vine arbor,
+thinking that he would be able to shout at her if she did not hurry
+quickly enough from the table to the pantry. The good housewife set to
+work with a will. The plates were clean enough to see one’s face in,
+the mustard was fresh and well made, the dinner beautifully cooked, as
+appetising as stolen fruit; the glasses were clear, the wine was cool,
+and everything so nice, so clean and white, that the repast would have
+done honour to a bishop’s chatterbox. Just as she was standing before
+the table, casting that last glance which all good housewives like to
+give everything, her husband knocked at the door. At that very moment
+a cursed hen, who had taken it into her head to get on top of the
+arbor to gorge herself with grapes, let fall a large lump of dirt
+right in the middle of the cloth. The poor woman was half dead with
+fright; so great was her despair, she could think of no other way of
+remedying the thoughtlessness of the fowl then by covering the
+unseemly patch with a plate in which she put the fine fruits taken at
+random from her pocket, losing sight altogether of the symmetry of the
+table. Then, in order that no one should notice it, she instantly
+fetched the soup, seated every one in his place, and begged them to
+enjoy themselves.
+
+“Now, all of them seeing everything so well arranged, uttered
+exclamations of pleasure, except the diabolical husband, who remained
+moody and sullen, knitting his brows and looking for a straw on which
+to hang a quarrel with his wife. Thinking it safe to give him one for
+himself, her relations being present, she said to him, ‘Here’s your
+dinner, nice and hot, well served, the cloth is clean, the
+salt-cellars full, the plates clean, the wine fresh, the bread well
+baked. What is there lacking? What do you require? What do you desire?
+What else do you want?’
+
+“‘Oh, filth!’ said he, in a great rage.
+
+“The good woman instantly lifted the plate, and replied--
+
+“‘There you are, my dear!’
+
+“Seeing which, the husband was dumbfounded, thinking that the devil
+was in league with his wife. He was immediately gravely reproached by
+the relations, who declared him to be in the wrong, abused him, and
+made more jokes at his expense than a recorder writes words in a
+month. From that time forward the sergeant lived comfortably and
+peaceably with his wife, who at the least appearance of temper on his
+part, would say to him--
+
+“‘Do you want some filth?’”
+
+“Who has told the worst now?” cried the Anjou man, giving the host a
+tap on the shoulder.
+
+“He has! He has!” said the two others. Then they began to dispute
+among themselves, like the holy fathers in council; seeking, by
+creating a confusion, throwing the glasses at each other, and jumping
+about, a lucky chance, to make a run of it.
+
+“I’ll settle the question,” cried the host, seeing that whereas they
+had all three been ready with their own accounts, not one of them was
+thinking of his.
+
+They stopped terrified.
+
+“I will tell you a better one than all, then you will have to give ten
+sols a head.”
+
+“Silence for the landlord,” said the one from Anjou.
+
+“In our fauborg of Notre-dame la Riche, in which this inn is situated,
+there lived a beautiful girl, who besides her natural advantages, had
+a good round sum in her keeping. Therefore, as soon as she was old
+enough, and strong enough to bear the matrimonial yoke, she had as
+many lovers as there are sols in St. Gatien’s money-box on the
+Paschal-day. The girl chose one who, saving your presence, was as good
+a worker, night and day, as any two monks together. They were soon
+betrothed, and the marriage was arranged; but the joy of the first
+night did not draw nearer without occasioning some slight
+apprehensions to the lady, as she was liable, through an infirmity, to
+expel vapours, which came out like bombshells. Now, fearing that when
+thinking of something else, during the first night, she might give the
+reins to her eccentricities, she stated the case to her mother, whose
+assistance she invoked. That good lady informed her that this faculty
+of engineering wind was inherent in the family; that in her time she
+had been greatly embarrassed by it, but only in the earlier period of
+her life. God had been kind to her, and since the age of seven, she
+had evaporated nothing except on the last occasion when she had
+bestowed upon her dead husband a farewell blow. ‘But,’ said she to her
+daughter, ‘I have ever a sure specific, left to me by my mother, which
+brings these surplus explosions to nothing, and exhales them
+noiselessly. By this means these sighs become odourless, and scandal
+is avoided.’
+
+“The girl, much pleased, learned how to sail close to the wind,
+thanked her mother, and danced away merrily, storing up her flatulence
+like an organ-blower waiting for the first note of mass. Entering the
+nuptial chamber, she determined to expel it when getting into bed, but
+the fantastic element was beyond control. The husband came; I leave
+you to imagine how love’s conflict sped. In the middle of the night,
+the bride arose under a false pretext, and quickly returned again; but
+when climbing into her place, the pent up force went off with such a
+loud discharge, that you would have thought with me that the curtains
+were split.
+
+“‘Ha! I’ve missed my aim!’ said she.
+
+“‘’Sdeath, my dear!’ I replied, ‘then spare your powder. You would
+earn a good living in the army with that artillery.’
+
+“It was my wife.”
+
+“Ha! ha! ha!” went the clerks.
+
+And they roared with laughter, holding their sides and complimenting
+their host.
+
+“Did you ever hear a better story, Viscount?”
+
+“Ah, what a story!”
+
+“That is a story!”
+
+“A master story!”
+
+“The king of stories!”
+
+“Ha, ha! It beats all the other stories hollow. After that I say there
+are no stories like the stories of our host.”
+
+“By the faith of a Christian, I never heard a better story in my
+life.”
+
+“Why, I can hear the report.”
+
+“I should like to kiss the orchestra.”
+
+“Ah! gentlemen,” said the Burgundian, gravely, “we cannot leave
+without seeing the hostess, and if we do not ask to kiss this famous
+wind-instrument, it is a out of respect for so good a story-teller.”
+
+Thereupon they all exalted the host, his story, and his wife’s trumpet
+so well that the old fellow, believing in these knaves’ laughter and
+pompous eulogies, called to his wife. But as she did not come, the
+clerks said, not without frustrative intention, “Let us go to her.”
+
+Thereupon they all went out of the room. The host took the candle and
+went upstairs first, to light them and show them the way; but seeing
+the street door ajar, the rascals took to their heels, and were off
+like shadows, leaving the host to take in settlement of his account
+another of his wife’s offerings.
+
+
+
+              THE CONTINENCE OF KING FRANCIS THE FIRST
+
+Every one knows through what adventure King Francis, the first of that
+name, was taken like a silly bird and led into the town of Madrid, in
+Spain. There the Emperor Charles V. kept him carefully locked up, like
+an article of great value, in one of his castles, in the which our
+defunct sire, of immortal memory, soon became listless and weary,
+seeing that he loved the open air, and his little comforts, and no
+more understood being shut up in a cage than a cat would folding up
+lace. He fell into moods of such strange melancholy that his letters
+having been read in full council, Madame d’Angouleme, his mother;
+Madame Catherine, the Dauphine, Monsieur de Montmorency, and those who
+were at the head of affairs in France knowing the great lechery of the
+king, determined after mature deliberation, to send Queen Marguerite
+to him, from whom he would doubtless receive alleviation of his
+sufferings, that good lady being much loved by him, and merry, and
+learned in all necessary wisdom. But she, alleging that it would be
+dangerous for her soul, because it was impossible for her, without
+great danger to be alone with the king in his cell, a sharp secretary,
+the Sieur de Fizes, was sent to the Court of Rome, with orders to beg
+of the pontiff a papal brief of special indulgences, containing proper
+absolutions for the petty sins which, looking at their consanguinity,
+the said queen might commit with a view to cure the king’s melancholy.
+
+At this time, Adrian VI., the Dutchman, still wore the tiara, who, a
+good fellow, for the rest did not forget, in spite of the scholastic
+ties which united him to the emperor, that the eldest son of the
+Catholic Church was concerned in the affair, and was good enough to
+send to Spain an express legate, furnished with full powers, to
+attempt the salvation of the queen’s soul, and the king’s body,
+without prejudice to God. This most urgent affair made the gentleman
+very uneasy, and caused an itching in the feet of the ladies, who,
+from great devotion to the crown, would all have offered to go to
+Madrid, but for the dark mistrust of Charles the Fifth, who would not
+grant the king’s permission to any of his subjects, nor even the
+members of his family. It was therefore necessary to negotiate the
+departure of the Queen of Navarre. Then, nothing else was spoken about
+but this deplorable abstinence, and the lack of amorous exercise so
+vexatious to a prince, who was much accustomed to it. In short, from
+one thing to another, the women finished by thinking more of the
+king’s condition, than of the king himself. The queen was the first to
+say that she wished she had wings. To this Monseigneur Odet de
+Chatillon replied, that she had no need of them to be an angel. One
+that was Madame l’Amirale, blamed God that it was not possible to send
+by a messenger that which the poor king so much required; and every
+one of the ladies would have lent it in her turn.
+
+“God has done very well to fix it,” said the Dauphine, quietly; “for
+our husbands would leave us rather badly off during their absence.”
+
+So much was said and so much thought upon the subject, that at her
+departure the Queen of all Marguerites was charged, by these good
+Christians, to kiss the captive heartily for all the ladies of the
+realm; and if it had been permissible to prepare pleasure like
+mustard, the queen would have been laden with enough to sell to the
+two Castiles.
+
+While Madame Marguerite was, in spite of the snow, crossing the
+mountains, by relays of mule, hurrying on to these consolations as to
+a fire, the king found himself harder pressed by unsatisfied desire
+than he had ever been before, or would be again. In this reverberation
+of nature, he opened his heart to the Emperor Charles, in order that
+he might be provided with a merciful specific, urging upon him that it
+would be an everlasting disgrace to one king to let another die for
+lack of gallantry. The Castilian showed himself to be a generous man.
+Thinking that he would be able to recuperate himself for the favour
+granted out of his guest’s ransom, he hinted quietly to the people
+commissioned to guard the prisoner, that they might gratify him in
+this respect. Thereupon a certain Don Hiios de Lara y Lopez Barra di
+Pinto, a poor captain, whose pockets were empty in spite of his
+genealogy, and who had been for some time thinking of seeking his
+fortune at the Court of France, fancied that by procuring his majesty
+a soft cataplasm of warm flesh, he would open for himself an honestly
+fertile door; and indeed, those who know the character of the good
+king and his court, can decide if he deceived himself.
+
+When the above mentioned captain came in his turn into the chamber of
+the French king, he asked him respectfully if it was his good pleasure
+to permit him an interrogation on a subject concerning which he was as
+curious as about papal indulgences? To which the Prince, casting aside
+his hypochondriacal demeanour, and twisting round on the chair in
+which he was seated, gave a sign of consent. The captain begged him
+not to be offended at the licence of his language, and confessed to
+him, that he the king was said to be one of the most amorous men in
+France, and he would be glad to learn from him if the ladies of the
+court were expert in the adventures of love. The poor king, calling to
+mind his many adventures, gave vent to a deep-drawn sigh, and
+exclaimed, that no woman of any country, including those of the moon,
+knew better than the ladies of France the secrets of this alchemy and
+at the remembrance of the savoury, gracious, and vigorous fondling of
+one alone, he felt himself the man, were she then within his reach, to
+clasp her to his heart, even on a rotten plank a hundred feet above a
+precipice.
+
+Say which, this good king, a ribald fellow, if ever there was one,
+shot forth so fiercely life and light from his eyes, that the captain,
+though a brave man, felt a quaking in his inside so fiercely flamed
+the sacred majesty of royal love. But recovering his courage he began
+to defend the Spanish ladies, declaring that in Castile alone was love
+properly understood, because it was the most religious place in
+Christendom, and the more fear the women had of damning themselves by
+yielding to a lover, the more their souls were in the affair, because
+they knew they must take their pleasure then against eternity. He
+further added, that if the Lord King would wager one of the best and
+most profitable manors in the kingdom of France, he would give him a
+Spanish night of love, in which a casual queen should, unless he took
+care, draw his soul from his body.
+
+“Done,” said the king, jumping from his chair. “I’ll give thee, by
+God, the manor of Ville-aux-Dames in my province of Touraine, with
+full privilege of chase, of high and low jurisdiction.”
+
+Then, the captain, who was acquainted with the Donna of the Cardinal
+Archbishop of Toledo requested her to smother the King of France with
+kindness, and demonstrate to him the great advantage of the Castilian
+imagination over the simple movement of the French. To which the
+Marchesa of Amaesguy consented for the honour of Spain, and also for
+the pleasure of knowing of what paste God made Kings, a matter in
+which she was ignorant, having experience only of the princes of the
+Church. Then she became passionate as a lion that has broken out of
+his cage, and made the bones of the king crack in a manner that would
+have killed any other man. But the above-named lord was so well
+furnished, so greedy, and so will bitten, he no longer felt a bite;
+and from this terrible duel the Marchesa emerged abashed, believing
+she had the devil to confess.
+
+The captain, confident in his agent, came to salute his lord, thinking
+to do honour for his fief. Thereupon the king said to him, in a
+jocular manner, that the Spanish ladies were of a passable
+temperature, and their system a fair one, but that when gentleness was
+required they substituted frenzy; that he kept fancying each thrill
+was a sneeze, or a case of violence; in short, that the embrace of a
+French woman brought back the drinker more thirsty than ever, tiring
+him never; and that with the ladies of his court, love was a gentle
+pleasure without parallel, and not the labour of a master baker in his
+kneading trough.
+
+The poor captain was strongly piqued at his language. In spite of the
+nice sense of honour which the king pretended to possess, he fancied
+that his majesty wished to bilk him like a student, stealing a slice
+of love at a brothel in Paris. Nevertheless, not knowing for the
+matter of that, if the Marchesa had not over-spanished the king, he
+demanded his revenge from the captive, pledging him his word, that he
+should have for certain a veritable fay, and that he would yet gain
+the fief. The king was too courteous and gallant a knight to refuse
+this request, and even made a pretty and right royal speech,
+intimating his desire to lose the wager. Then, after vespers, the
+guard passed fresh and warm into the king’s chamber, a lady most
+dazzlingly white--most delicately wanton, with long tresses and velvet
+hands, filling out her dress at the least movement, for she was
+gracefully plump, with a laughing mouth, and eyes moist in advance, a
+woman to beautify hell, and whose first word had such cordial power
+that the king’s garment was cracked by it. On the morrow, after the
+fair one had slipped out after the king’s breakfast, the good captain
+came radiant and triumphant into the chamber.
+
+At sight of him the prisoner then exclaimed--
+
+“Baron de la Ville-aux-Dames! God grant you joys like to mine! I like
+my jail! By’r lady, I will not judge between the love of our lands,
+but pay the wager.”
+
+“I was sure of it,” said the captain.
+
+“How so?” said the King.
+
+“Sire, it was my wife.”
+
+This was the origin of Larray de la Ville-aux-Dames in our country,
+since from corruption of the names, that of Lara-y-Lopez, finished by
+becoming Larray. It was a good family, delighting in serving the kings
+of France, and it multiplied exceedingly. Soon after, the Queen of
+Navarre came in due course to the king, who, weary of Spanish customs,
+wished to disport himself after the fashion of France; but remainder
+is not the subject of this narrative. I reserve to myself the right to
+relate elsewhere how the legate managed to sponge the sin of the thing
+off the great slate, and the delicate remark of our Queen of
+Marguerites, who merits a saint’s niche in this collection; she who
+first concocted such good stories. The morality of this one is easy to
+understand.
+
+In the first place, kings should never let themselves be taken in
+battle any more than their archetype in the game of the Grecian chief
+Palamedes. But from this, it appears the captivity of its king is a
+most calamitous and horrible evil to fall on the populace. If it had
+been a queen, or even a princess, what worse fate? But I believe the
+thing could not happen again, except with cannibals. Can there ever be
+a reason for imprisoning the flower of a realm? I think too well of
+Ashtaroth, Lucifer, and others, to imagine that did they reign, they
+would hide the joy of all the beneficent light, at which poor
+sufferers warm themselves. And it was necessary that the worst of
+devils, _id est_, a wicked old heretic woman, should find herself upon
+a throne, to keep a prisoner sweet Mary of Scotland, to the shame of
+all the knights of Christendom, who should have come without previous
+assignation to the foot of Fotheringay, and have left thereof no
+single stone.
+
+
+
+               THE MERRY TATTLE OF THE NUNS OF POISSY
+
+The Abbey of Poissy has been rendered famous by old authors as a place
+of pleasure, where the misconduct of the nuns first began, and whence
+proceeded so many good stories calculated to make laymen laugh at the
+expense of our holy religion. The said abbey by this means became
+fertile in proverbs, which none of the clever folks of our day
+understand, although they sift and chew them in order to digest them.
+
+If you ask one of them what the _olives of Poissy_ are, they will
+answer you gravely that it is a periphrase relating to truffles, and
+that the _way to serve them_, of which one formerly spoke, when joking
+with these virtuous maidens, meant a peculiar kind of sauce. That’s
+the way the scribblers hit on truth once in a hundred times. To return
+to these good recluses, it was said--by way of a joke, of course--that
+they preferred finding a harlot in their chemises to a good woman.
+Certain other jokers reproached them with imitating the lives of the
+saints, in their own fashion, and said that all they admired in Mary
+of Egypt was her fashion of paying the boatmen. From whence the
+raillery: To honour the saints after the fashion of Poissy. There is
+still the crucifix of Poissy, which kept the stomachs warm; and the
+matins of Poissy, which concluded with a little chorister. Finally, of
+a hearty jade well acquainted with the ways of love, it was said--She
+is a nun of Poissy. That property of a man which he can only lend, was
+The key of the Abbey of Poissy. What the gate of the said abbey was
+can easily be guessed. This gate, door, wicket, opening, or road was
+always half open, was easier to open than to shut, and cost much in
+repairs. In short, at that period, there was no fresh device in love
+invented, that had not its origin in the good convent of Poissy. You
+may be sure there is a good deal of untruth and hyperbolical emphasis,
+in these proverbs, jests, jokes, and idle tales. The nuns of the said
+Poissy were good young ladies, who now this way, now that, cheated God
+to the profit of the devil, as many others did, which was but natural,
+because our nature is weak; and although they were nuns, they had
+their little imperfections. They found themselves barren in a certain
+particular, hence the evil. But the truth of the matter is, all these
+wickednesses were the deeds of an abbess who had fourteen children,
+all born alive, since they had been perfected at leisure. The
+fantastic amours and the wild conduct of this woman, who was of royal
+blood, caused the convent of Poissy to become fashionable; and
+thereafter no pleasant adventure happened in the abbeys of France
+which was not credited to these poor girls, who would have been well
+satisfied with a tenth of them. Then the abbey was reformed, and these
+holy sisters were deprived of the little happiness and liberty which
+they had enjoyed. In an old cartulary of the abbey of Turpenay, near
+Chinon, which in those later troublous times had found a resting place
+in the library of Azay, where the custodian was only too glad to
+receive it, I met with a fragment under the head of The Hours of
+Poissy, which had evidently been put together by a merry abbot of
+Turpenay for the diversion of his neighbours of Usee, Azay, Mongaugar,
+Sacchez, and other places of this province. I give them under the
+authority of the clerical garb, but altered to my own style, because I
+have been compelled to turn them from Latin into French. I commence:
+--At Poissy the nuns were accustomed to, when Mademoiselle, the king’s
+daughter, their abbess, had gone to bed..... It was she who first
+called it _faire la petite oie_, to stick to the preliminaries of
+love, the prologues, prefaces, protocols, warnings, notices,
+introductions, summaries, prospectuses, arguments, notices, epigraphs,
+titles, false-titles, current titles, scholia, marginal remarks,
+frontispieces, observations, gilt edges, bookmarks, reglets,
+vignettes, tail pieces, and engravings, without once opening the merry
+book to read, re-read, and study to apprehend and comprehend the
+contents. And she gathered together in a body all those extra-judicial
+little pleasures of that sweet language, which come indeed from the
+lips, yet make no noise, and practised them so well, that she died a
+virgin and perfect in shape. The gay science was after deeply studied
+by the ladies of the court, who took lovers for _la petite oie_,
+others for honour, and at times also certain ones who had over them
+the right of high and low jurisdiction, and were masters of everything
+--a state of things much preferred. But to continue: When this
+virtuous princess was naked and shameless between the sheets, the said
+girls (those whose cheeks were unwrinkled and their hearts gay) would
+steal noiselessly out of their cells, and hide themselves in that of
+one of the sisters who was much liked by all of them. There they would
+have cosy little chats, enlivened with sweetmeats, pasties, liqueurs,
+and girlish quarrels, worry their elders, imitating them grotesquely,
+innocently mocking them, telling stories that made them laugh till the
+tears came and playing a thousand pranks. At times they would measure
+their feet, to see whose were the smallest, compare the white
+plumpness of their arms, see whose nose had the infirmity of blushing
+after supper, count their freckles, tell each other where their skin
+marks were situated, dispute whose complexion was the clearest, whose
+hair the prettiest colour, and whose figure the best. You can imagine
+that among these figures sanctified to God there were fine ones, stout
+ones, lank ones, thin ones, plump ones, supple ones, shrunken ones,
+and figures of all kinds. Then they would quarrel amongst themselves
+as to who took the least to make a girdle, and she who spanned the
+least was pleased without knowing why. At times they would relate
+their dreams and what they had seen in them. Often one or two, at
+times all of them, had dreamed they had tight hold of the keys of the
+abbey. Then they would consult each other about their little ailments.
+One had scratched her finger, another had a whitlow; this one had
+risen in the morning with the white of her eye bloodshot; that one had
+put her finger out, telling her beads. All had some little thing the
+matter with them.
+
+“Ah! you have lied to our mother; your nails are marked with white,”
+ said one to her neighbour.
+
+“You stopped a long time at confession this morning, sister,” said
+another. “You must have a good many little sins to confess.”
+
+As there is nothing resembles a pussy-cat so much as a tom-cat, they
+would swear eternal friendship, quarrel, sulk, dispute and make it up
+again; would be jealous, laugh and pinch, pinch and laugh, and play
+tricks upon the novices.
+
+At times they would say, “Suppose a gendarme came here one rainy day,
+where should we put him?”
+
+“With Sister Ovide; her cell is so big he could get into it with his
+helmet on.”
+
+“What do you mean?” cried Sister Ovide, “are not all our cells alike?”
+
+Thereupon the girls burst out laughing like ripe figs. One evening
+they increased their council by a little novice, about seventeen years
+of age, who appeared innocent as a new-born babe, and would have had
+the host without confession. This maiden’s mouth had long watered for
+their secret confabulations, little feasts and rejoicings by which the
+nuns softened the holy captivity of their bodies, and had wept at not
+being admitted to them.
+
+“Well,” said Sister Ovide to her, “have you had a good night’s rest,
+little one?”
+
+“Oh no!” said she, “I have been bitten by fleas.”
+
+“Ha! you have fleas in your cell? But you must get rid of them at
+once. Do you know how the rules of our order enjoin them to be driven
+out, so that never again during her conventional life shall a sister
+see so much as the tail of one?”
+
+“No,” replied the novice.
+
+“Well then, I will teach you. Do you see any fleas here? Do you notice
+any trace of fleas? Do you smell an odour of fleas? Is there any
+appearance of fleas in my cell? Look!”
+
+“I can’t find any,” said the little novice, who was Mademoiselle de
+Fiennes, “and smell no odour other than our own.”
+
+“Do as I am about to tell you, and be no more bitten. Directly you
+feel yourself pricked, you must strip yourself, lift your chemise, and
+be careful not to sin while looking all over your body; think only of
+the cursed flea, looking for it, in good faith, without paying
+attention to other things; trying only to catch the flea, which is a
+difficult job, as you may easily be deceived by the little black spots
+on your skin, which you were born with. Have you any, little one?”
+
+“Yes,” cried she. “I have two dark freckles, one on my shoulder and
+one on my back, rather low down, but it is hidden in a fold of the
+flesh.”
+
+“How did you see it?” asked Sister Perpetue.
+
+“I did not know it. It was Monsieur de Montresor who found it out.”
+
+“Ha, ha!” said the sister, “is that all he saw?”
+
+“He saw everything,” said she, “I was quite little; he was about nine
+years old, and we were playing together....”
+
+The nuns hardly being able to restrain their laughter, Sister Ovide
+went on--
+
+“The above-mentioned flea will jump from your legs to your eyes, will
+try and hide himself in apertures and crevices, will leap from valley
+to mountain, endeavouring to escape you; but the rules of the house
+order you courageously to pursue, repeating aves. Ordinarily at the
+third ave the beast is taken.”
+
+“The flea?” asked the novice.
+
+“Certainly the flea,” replied Sister Ovide; “but in order to avoid the
+dangers of this chase, you must be careful in whatever spot you put
+your finger on the beast, to touch nothing else.... Then without
+regarding its cries, plaints, groans, efforts, and writhings, and the
+rebellion which frequently it attempts, you will press it under your
+thumb or other finger of the hand engaged in holding it, and with the
+other hand you will search for a veil to bind the flea’s eyes and
+prevent it from leaping, as the beast seeing no longer clearly will
+not know where to go. Nevertheless, as it will still be able to bite
+you, and will be getting terribly enraged, you must gently open its
+mouth and delicately insert therein a twig of the blessed brush that
+hangs over your pillow. Thus the beast will be compelled to behave
+properly. But remember that the discipline of our order allows you to
+retain no property, and the beast cannot belong to you. You must take
+into consideration that it is one of God’s creatures, and strive to
+render it more agreeable. Therefore, before all things, it is
+necessary to verify three serious things--viz.: If the flea be a male,
+if it be female, or if it be a virgin; supposing it to be a virgin,
+which is extremely rare, since these beasts have no morals, are all
+wild hussies, and yield to the first seducer who comes, you will seize
+her hinder feet, and drawing them under her little caparison, you must
+bind them with one of your hairs, and carry it to your superior, who
+will decide upon its fate after having consulted the chapter. If it be
+a male--”
+
+“How can one tell that a flea is a virgin? asked the curious novice.
+
+“First of all,” replied Sister Ovide, “she is sad and melancholy, does
+not laugh like the others, does not bite so sharp, has her mouth less
+wide open, blushes when touched--you know where.”
+
+“In that case,” replied the novice, “I have been bitten by a male.”
+
+At this the sisters burst out laughing so heartily that one of them
+sounded a bass note and voided a little water and Sister Ovide
+pointing to it on the floor, said--
+
+“You see there’s never wind without rain.”
+
+The novice laughed herself, thinking that these chuckles were caused
+by the sister’s exclamation.
+
+“Now,” went on Sister Ovide, “if it be a male flea, you take your
+scissors, or your lover’s dagger, if by chance he has given you one as
+a souvenir, previous to your entry into the convent. In short,
+furnished with a cutting instrument, you carefully slit open the
+flanks of the flea. Expect to hear him howl, cough, spit, beg your
+pardon; to see him twist about, sweat, make sheep’s eyes, and anything
+that may come into his head to put off this operation. But be not
+astonished; pluck up your courage when thinking that you are acting
+thus to bring a perverted creature into the ways of salvation. Then
+you will dextrously take the reins, the liver, the heart, the gizzard,
+and noble parts, and dip them all several times into the holy water,
+washing and purifying them there, at the same time imploring the Holy
+Ghost to sanctify the interior of the beast. Afterwards you will
+replace all these intestinal things in the body of the flea, who will
+be anxious to get them back again. Being by this means baptised, the
+soul of the creature has become Catholic. Immediately you will get a
+needle and thread and sew up the belly of the flea with great care,
+with such regard and attention as is due to a fellow Christian; you
+will even pray for it--a kindness to which you will see it is sensible
+by its genuflections and the attentive glances which it will bestow
+upon you. In short, it will cry no more, and have no further desire to
+kill you; and fleas are often encountered who die from pleasure at
+being thus converted to our holy religion. You will do the same to all
+you catch; and the others perceiving it, after staring at the convert,
+will go away, so perverse are they, and so terrified at the idea of
+becoming Christians.”
+
+“And they are therefore wicked,” said the novice. “Is there any
+greater happiness than to be in the bosom of the Church?”
+
+“Certainly!” answered sister Ursula, “here we are sheltered from the
+dangers of the world and of love, in which there are so many.”
+
+“Is there any other danger than that of having a child at an
+unseasonable time?” asked a young sister.
+
+“During the present reign,” replied Ursula, raising her head, “love
+has inherited leprosy, St Anthony’s fire, the Ardennes’ sickness, and
+the red rash, and has heaped up all the fevers, agonies, drugs and
+sufferings of the lot in his pretty mortar, to draw out therefrom a
+terrible compound, of which the devil has given the receipt, luckily
+for convents, because there are a great number of frightened ladies,
+who become virtuous for fear of this love.”
+
+Thereupon they huddled up close together, alarmed at these words, but
+wishing to know more.
+
+“And is it enough to love, to suffer?” asked a sister.
+
+“Oh, yes!” cried Sister Ovide.
+
+“You love just for one little once a pretty gentleman,” replied
+Ursula, “and you have the chance of seeing your teeth go one by one,
+your hair fall off, your cheeks grow pallid, and your eyebrows drop,
+and the disappearance of your prized charms will cost you many a sigh.
+There are poor women who have scabs come upon their noses, and others
+who have a horrid animal with a hundred claws, which gnaws their
+tenderest parts. The Pope has at last been compelled to excommunicate
+this kind of love.”
+
+“Ah! how lucky I am to have had nothing of that sort,” cried the
+novice.
+
+Hearing this souvenir of love, the sisters suspected that the little
+one had gone astray through the heat of a crucifix of Poissy, and had
+been joking with the Sister Ovide, and drawing her out. All
+congratulated themselves on having so merry a jade in their company,
+and asked her to what adventure they were indebted for that pleasure.
+
+“Ah!” said she, “I let myself be bitten by a big flea, who had already
+been baptised.”
+
+At this speech, the sister of the bass note could not restrain a
+second sign.
+
+“Ah!” said Sister Ovide, “you are bound to give us the third. If you
+spoke that language in the choir, the abbess would diet you like
+Sister Petronille; so put a sordine in your trumpet.”
+
+“Is it true that you knew in her lifetime that Sister Petronille on
+whom God bestowed the gift of only going twice a year to the bank of
+deposit?” asked Sister Ursula.
+
+“Yes,” replied Ovide. “And one evening it happened she had to remain
+enthroned until matins, saying, ‘I am here by the will of God.’ But at
+the first verse, she was delivered, in order that she should not miss
+the office. Nevertheless, the late abbess would not allow that this
+was an especial favour, granted from on high, and said that God did
+not look so low. Here are the facts of the case. Our defunct sister,
+whose canonisation the order are now endeavouring to obtain at the
+court of the Pope, and would have had it if they could have paid the
+proper costs of the papal brief; this Petronille, then, had an
+ambition to have her name included in the Calendar of Saints, which
+was in no way prejudicial to our order. She lived in prayer alone,
+would remain in ecstasy before the altar of the virgin, which is on
+the side of the fields, and pretend so distinctly to hear the angels
+flying in Paradise, that she was able to hum the tunes they were
+singing. You all know that she took from them the chant Adoremus, of
+which no man could have invented a note. She remained for days with
+her eyes fixed like the star, fasting, and putting no more nourishment
+into her body that I could into my eye. She had made a vow never to
+taste meat, either cooked or raw, and ate only a crust of bread a day;
+but on great feast days she would add thereto a morsel of salt fish,
+without any sauce. On this diet she became dreadfully thin, yellow and
+saffron, and dry as an old bone in a cemetery; for she was of an
+ardent disposition, and anyone who had had the happiness of knocking
+up against her, would have drawn fire as from a flint. However, little
+as she ate, she could not escape an infirmity to which, luckily or
+unluckily, we are all more or less subject. If it were otherwise, we
+should be very much embarrassed. The affair in question, is the
+obligation of expelling after eating, like all the other animals,
+matter more or less agreeable, according to constitution. Now Sister
+Petronille differed from all others, because she expelled matter such
+as is left by a deer, and these are the hardest substances that any
+gizzard produces, as you must know, if you have ever put your foot
+upon them in the forest glade, and from their hardness they are called
+bullets in the language of forestry. This peculiarity of Sister
+Petronille’s was not unnatural, since long fasts kept her temperament
+at a permanent heat. According to the old sisters, her nature was so
+burning, that when water touched her, she went frist! like a hot coal.
+There are sisters who have accused her of secretly cooking eggs, in
+the night, between her toes, in order to support her austerities. But
+these were scandals, invented to tarnish this great sanctity of which
+all the other nunneries were jealous. Our sister was piloted in the
+way of salvation and divine perfection by the Abbot of St.
+Germaine-des-Pres de Paris--a holy man, who always finished his
+Injunctions with a last one, which was to offer to God all our
+troubles, and submit ourselves to His will, since nothing happened
+without His express commandment. This doctrine, which appears wise at
+first sight, has furnished matter for great controversies, and has
+been finally condemned on the statement of the Cardinal of Chatillon,
+who declared that then there would be no such thing as sin, which
+would considerably diminish the revenues of the Church. But Sister
+Petronille lived imbued with this feeling, without knowing the danger
+of it. After Lent, and the fasts of the great jubilee, for the first
+time for eight months she had need to go to the little room, and to it
+she went. There, bravely lifting her dress, she put herself into a
+position to do that which we poor sinners do rather oftener. But
+Sister Petronille could only manage to expectorate the commencement of
+the thing, which kept her puffing without the remainder making up its
+mind to follow. In spite of every effort, pursing of the lips and
+squeezing of body, her guest preferred to remain in her blessed body,
+merely putting his head out of the window, like a frog taking the air,
+and felt no inclination to fall into the vale of misery among the
+others, alleging that he would not be there in the odour of sanctity.
+And his idea was a good one for a simple lump of dirt like himself.
+The good saint having used all methods of coercion, having
+overstretched her muscles, and tried the nerves of her thin face till
+they bulged out, recognised the fact that no suffering in the world
+was so great, and her anguish attaining the apogee of sphincterial
+terrors, she exclaimed, ‘Oh! my God, to Thee I offer it!’ At this
+orison, the stoney matter broke off short, and fell like a flint
+against the wall of the privy, making a croc, croc, crooc, paf! You
+can easily understand, my sisters, that she had no need of a
+torch-cul, and drew back the remainder.”
+
+“Then did she see angels?” asked one.
+
+“Have they a behind?” asked another.
+
+“Certainly not,” said Ursula. “Do you not know that one general
+meeting day, God having ordered them to be seated, they answered Him
+that they had not the wherewithal.”
+
+Thereupon they went off to bed, some alone, others nearly alone. They
+were good girls, who harmed only themselves.
+
+I cannot leave them without relating an adventure which took place in
+their house, when Reform was passing a sponge over it, and making them
+all saints, as before stated. At that time, there was in the episcopal
+chair of Paris a veritable saint, who did not brag about what he did,
+and cared for naught but the poor and suffering, whom the dear old
+Bishop lodged in his heart, neglecting his own interests for theirs,
+and seeking out misery in order that he might heal it with words, with
+help, with attentions, and with money, according to the case: as ready
+to solace the rich in their misfortunes as the poor, patching up their
+souls and bringing them back to God; and tearing about hither and
+thither, watching his troop, the dear shepherd! Now the good man went
+about careless of the state of his cassocks, mantles, and breeches, so
+that the naked members of the church were covered. He was so
+charitable that he would have pawned himself to save an infidel from
+distress. His servants were obliged to look after him carefully.
+Ofttimes he would scold them when they changed unasked his tattered
+vestments for new; and he used to have them darned and patched, as
+long as they would hold together. Now this good archbishop knew that
+the late Sieur de Poissy had left a daughter, without a sou or a rag,
+after having eaten, drunk, and gambled away her inheritance. This poor
+young lady lived in a hovel, without fire in winter or cherries in
+spring; and did needlework, not wishing either to marry beneath her or
+sell her virtue. Awaiting the time when he should be able to find a
+young husband for her, the prelate took it into his head to send her
+the outside case of one to mend, in the person of his old breeches, a
+task which the young lady, in her present position, would be glad to
+undertake. One day that the archbishop was thinking to himself that he
+must go to the convent of Poissy, to see after the reformed inmates,
+he gave to one of his servants, the oldest of his nether garments,
+which was sorely in need of stitches, saying, “Take this, Saintot, to
+the young ladies of Poissy,” meaning to say, “the young lady of
+Poissy.” Thinking of affairs connected with the cloister, he did not
+inform his varlet of the situation of the lady’s house; her desperate
+condition having been by him discreetly kept a secret. Saintot took
+the breeches and went his way towards Poissy, gay as a grasshopper,
+stopping to chat with friends he met on the way, slaking his thirst at
+the wayside inns, and showing many things to the breeches during the
+journey that might hereafter be useful to them. At last he arrived at
+the convent, and informed the abbess that his master had sent him to
+give her these articles. When the varlet departed, leaving with the
+reverend mother, the garment accustomed to model in relief the
+archiepiscopal proportions of the continent nature of the good man,
+according to the fashion of the period, beside the image of those
+things of which the Eternal Father had deprived His angels, and which
+in the good prelate did not want for amplitude. Madame the abbess
+having informed the sisters of the precious message of the good
+archbishop they came in haste, curious and hustling, as ants into
+whose republic a chestnut husk has fallen. When they undid the
+breeches, which gaped horribly, they shrieked out, covering their eyes
+with one hand, in great fear of seeing the devil come out, the abbess
+exclaiming, “Hide yourselves my daughters! This is the abode of mortal
+sin!”
+
+The mother of the novices, giving a little look between her fingers,
+revived the courage of the holy troop, swearing by an Ave that no
+living head was domiciled in the breeches. Then they all blushed at
+their ease, while examining this habitavit, thinking that perhaps the
+desire of the prelate was that they should discover therein some sage
+admonition or evangelical parable. Although this sight caused certain
+ravages in the hearts of those most virtuous maidens, they paid little
+attention to the flutterings of their reins, but sprinkling a little
+holy water in the bottom of the abyss, one touched it, another passed
+her finger through a hole, and grew bolder looking at it. It has even
+been pretended that, their first stir over, the abbess found a voice
+sufficiently firm to say, “What is there at the bottom of this? With
+what idea has our father sent us that which consummates the ruin of
+women?”
+
+“It’s fifteen years, dear mother, since I have been permitted to gaze
+upon the demon’s den.”
+
+“Silence, my daughter. You prevent me thinking what is best to be
+done.”
+
+Then so much were these archiepiscopal breeches turned and twisted
+about, admired and re-admired, pulled here, pulled there, and turned
+inside out--so much were they talked about, fought about, thought
+about, dreamed about, night and day, that on the morrow a little
+sister said, after having sung the matins, to which the convent had a
+verse and two responses--“Sisters, I have found out the parable of the
+archbishop. He has sent us as a mortification his garment to mend, as
+a holy warning to avoid idleness, the mother abbess of all the vices.”
+
+Thereupon there was a scramble to get hold of the breeches; but the
+abbess, using her high authority, reserved to herself the meditation
+over this patchwork. She was occupied during ten days, praying, and
+sewing the said breeches, lining them with silk, and making double
+hems, well sewn, and in all humility. Then the chapter being
+assembled, it was arranged that the convent should testify by a pretty
+souvenir to the said archbishop their delight that he thought of his
+daughters in God. Then all of them, to the very youngest, had to do
+some work on these blessed breeches, in order to do honour to the
+virtue of the good man.
+
+Meanwhile the prelate had had so much to attend to, that he had
+forgotten all about his garment. This is how it came about. He made
+the acquaintance of a noble of the court, who, having lost his wife--a
+she-fiend and sterile--said to the good priest, that he had a great
+ambition to meet with a virtuous woman, confiding in God, with whom he
+was not likely to quarrel, and was likely to have pretty children.
+Such a one he desired to hold by the hand, and have confidence in.
+Then the holy man drew such a picture of Mademoiselle de Poissy, that
+this fair one soon became Madame de Genoilhac. The wedding was
+celebrated at the archiepiscopal palace, where was a feast of the
+first quality and a table bordered with ladies of the highest lineage,
+and the fashionable world of the court, among whom the bride appeared
+the most beautiful, since it has certain that she was a virgin, the
+archbishop guaranteeing her virtue.
+
+When the fruit, conserves, and pastry were with many ornaments
+arranged on the cloth, Saintot said to the archbishop, “Monseigneur,
+your well-beloved daughters of Poissy send you a fine dish for the
+centre.”
+
+“Put it there,” said the good man, gazing with admiration at an
+edifice of velvet and satin, embroidered with fine ribbon, in the
+shape of an ancient vase, the lid of which exhaled a thousand
+superfine odours.
+
+Immediately the bride, uncovering it, found therein sweetmeats, cakes,
+and those delicious confections to which the ladies are so partial.
+But of one of them--some curious devotee--seeing a little piece of
+silk, pulled it towards her, and exposed to view the habitation of the
+human compass, to the great confusion of the prelate, for laughter
+rang round the table like a discharge of artillery.
+
+“Well have they made the centre dish,” said the bridegroom. “These
+young ladies are of good understanding. Therein are all the sweets of
+matrimony.”
+
+Can there be any better moral than that deduced by Monsieur de
+Genoilhac? Then no other is needed.
+
+
+
+              HOW THE CHATEAU D’AZAY CAME TO BE BUILT
+
+Jehan, son of Simon Fourniez, called Simonnin, a citizen of Tours
+--originally of the village of Moulinot, near to Beaune, whence, in
+imitation of certain persons, he took the name when he became steward
+to Louis the Eleventh--had to fly one day into Languedoc with his
+wife, having fallen into great disgrace, and left his son Jacques
+penniless in Touraine. This youth, who possessed nothing in the world
+except his good looks, his sword, and spurs, but whom worn-out old men
+would have considered very well off, had in his head a firm intention
+to save his father, and make his fortune at the court, then holden in
+Touraine. At early dawn this good Tourainian left his lodging, and,
+enveloped in his mantle, all except his nose, which he left open to
+the air, and his stomach empty, walked about the town without any
+trouble of digestion. He entered the churches, thought them beautiful,
+looked into the chapels, flicked the flies from the pictures, and
+counted the columns all after the manner of a man who knew not what to
+do with his time or his money. At other times he feigned to recite his
+paternosters, but really made mute prayers to the ladies, offered them
+holy water when leaving, followed them afar off, and endeavoured by
+these little services to encounter some adventure, in which at the
+peril of his life he would find for himself a protector or a gracious
+mistress. He had in his girdle two doubloons which he spared far more
+than his skin, because that would be replaced, but the doubloons
+never. Each day he took from his little hoard the price of a roll and
+a few apples, with which he sustained life, and drank at his will and
+his discretion of the water of the Loire. This wholesome and prudent
+diet, besides being good for his doubloons, kept him frisky and light
+as a greyhound, gave him a clear understanding and a warm heart for
+the water of the Loire is of all syrups the most strengthening,
+because having its course afar off it is invigorated by its long run,
+through many strands, before it reaches Tours. So you may be sure that
+the poor fellow imagined a thousand and one good fortunes and lucky
+adventures, and what is more, almost believed them true. Oh! The good
+times! One evening Jacques de Beaune (he kept the name although he was
+not lord of Beaune) was walking along the embankment, occupied in
+cursing his star and everything, for his last doubloon was with scant
+respect upon the point of quitting him; when at the corner of a little
+street, he nearly ran against a veiled lady, whose sweet odour
+gratified his amorous senses. This fair pedestrian was bravely mounted
+on pretty pattens, wore a beautiful dress of Italian velvet, with wide
+slashed satin sleeves; while as a sign of her great fortune, through
+her veil a white diamond of reasonable size shone upon her forehead
+like the rays of the setting sun, among her tresses, which were
+delicately rolled, built up, and so neat, that they must have taken
+her maids quite three hours to arrange. She walked like a lady who was
+only accustomed to a litter. One of her pages followed her, well
+armed. She was evidently some light o’love belonging to a noble of
+high rank or a lady of the court, since she held her dress high off
+the ground, and bent her back like a woman of quality. Lady or
+courtesan she pleased Jacques de Beaune, who, far from turning up his
+nose at her, conceived the wild idea of attaching himself to her for
+life. With this in view he determined to follow her in order to
+ascertain whither she would lead him--to Paradise or to the limbo of
+hell--to a gibbet or to an abode of love. Anything was a glean of hope
+to him in the depth of his misery. The lady strolled along the bank of
+the Loire towards Plessis inhaling like a fish the fine freshness of
+the water, toying, sauntering like a little mouse who wishes to see
+and taste everything. When the page perceived that Jacques de Beaune
+persistently followed his mistress in all her movements, stopped when
+she stopped, and watched her trifling in a bare-faced fashion, as if
+he had a right so to do, he turned briskly round with a savage and
+threatening face, like that of a dog whose says, “Stand back, sir!”
+ But the good Tourainian had his wits about him. Believing that if a
+cat may look at king, he, a baptised Christian, might certainly look
+at a pretty woman, he stepped forward, and feigning to grin at the
+page, he strutted now behind and now before the lady. She said
+nothing, but looked at the sky, which was putting on its nightcap, the
+stars, and everything which could give her pleasure. So things went
+on. At last, arrived outside Portillon, she stood still, and in order
+to see better, cast her veil back over her shoulder, and in so doing
+cast upon the youth the glance of a clever woman who looks round to
+see if there is any danger of being robbed. I may tell you that
+Jacques de Beaune was a thorough ladies’ man, could walk by the side
+of a princess without disgracing her, had a brave and resolute air
+which please the sex, and if he was a little browned by the sun from
+being so much in the open air, his skin would look white enough under
+the canopy of a bed. The glance, keen as a needle, which the lady
+threw him, appeared to him more animated than that with which she
+would have honoured her prayer-book. Upon it he built the hope of a
+windfall of love, and resolved to push the adventure to the very edge
+of the petticoat, risking to go still further, not only his lips,
+which he held of little count, but his two ears and something else
+besides. He followed into the town the lady, who returned by the Rue
+des Trois-Pucelles, and led the gallant through a labyrinth of little
+streets, to the square in which is at the present time situated the
+Hotel de la Crouzille. There she stopped at the door of a splendid
+mansion, at which the page knocked. A servant opened it, and the lady
+went in and closed the door, leaving the Sieur de Beaune open-mouthed,
+stupefied, and as foolish as Monseigneur St. Denis when he was trying
+to pick up his head. He raised his nose in the air to see if some
+token of favour would be thrown to him, and saw nothing except a light
+which went up the stairs, through the rooms, and rested before a fine
+window, where probably the lady was also. You can believe that the
+poor lover remained melancholy and dreaming, and not knowing what to
+do. The window gave a sudden creak and broke his reverie. Fancying
+that his lady was about to call him, he looked up again, and but for
+the friendly shelter of the balcony, which was a helmet to him, he
+would have received a stream of water and the utensil which contained
+it, since the handle only remained in the grasp of the person who
+delivered the deluge. Jacques de Beaune, delighted at this, did not
+lose the opportunity, but flung himself against the wall, crying “I am
+killed,” with a feeble voice. Then stretching himself upon the
+fragments of broken china, he lay as if dead, awaiting the issue. The
+servants rushed out in a state of alarm, fearing their mistress, to
+whom they had confessed their fault, and picked up the wounded man,
+who could hardly restrain his laughter at being then carried up the
+stairs.
+
+“He is cold,” said the page.
+
+“He is covered with blood,” said the butler, who while feeling his
+pulse had wetted his hand.
+
+“If he revives,” said the guilty one, “I will pay for a mass to St.
+Gatien.”
+
+“Madame takes after her late father, and if she does not have thee
+hanged, the least mitigation of thy penalty will be that thou wilt be
+kicked out of her house and service,” said another. “Certes, he’s dead
+enough, he is so heavy.”
+
+“Ah! I am in the house of a very great lady,” thought Jacques.
+
+“Alas! is he really dead?” demanded the author of the calamity. While
+with great labour the Tourainian was being carried up the stairs, his
+doublet caught on a projection, and the dead man cried, “Ah, my
+doublet!”
+
+“He groans,” said the culprit, with a sigh of relief. The Regent’s
+servants (for this was the house of the Regent, the daughter of King
+Louis XI. of virtuous memory) brought Jacques de Beaune into a room,
+and laid him stiff and stark upon a table, not thinking for a moment
+that he could be saved.
+
+“Run and fetch a surgeon,” cried Madame de Beaujeu. “Run here, run
+there!”
+
+The servants were down the stairs in a trice. The good lady Regent
+dispatched her attendants for ointment, for linen to bind the wounds,
+for goulard-water, for so many things, that she remained alone. Gazing
+upon this splendid and senseless man, she cried aloud, admiring his
+presence and his features, handsome even in death. “Ah! God wishes to
+punish me. Just for one little time in my life has there been born in
+me, and taken possession of me, a naughty idea, and my patron saint is
+angry, and deprives me of the sweetest gentleman I have ever seen. By
+the rood, and by the soul of my father, I will hang every man who has
+had a hand in this!”
+
+“Madame,” cried Jacques de Beaune, springing from the table, and
+falling at the feet of the Regent, “I will live to serve you, and am
+so little bruised that that I promise you this night as many joys as
+there are months in the year, in imitation of the Sieur Hercules, a
+pagan baron. For the last twenty days,” he went on (thinking that
+matters would be smoothed by a little lying), “I have met you again
+and again. I fell madly in love with you, yet dared not, by reason of
+my great respect for your person, make an advance. You can imagine how
+intoxicated I must have been with your royal beauties, to have
+invented the trick to which I owe the happiness of being at your
+feet.”
+
+Thereupon he kissed her amorously, and gave her a look that would have
+overcome any scruples. The Regent, by means of time, which respects
+not queens, was, as everyone knows, in her middle age. In this
+critical and autumnal season, women formally virtuous and loveless
+desire now here, now there, to enjoy, unknown to the world, certain
+hours of love, in order that they may not arrive in the other world
+with hands and heart alike empty, through having left the fruit of the
+tree of knowledge untasted. The lady of Beaujeu, without appearing to
+be astonished while listening to the promises of this young man, since
+royal personages ought to be accustomed to having them by dozens, kept
+this ambitious speech in the depths of her memory or of her registry
+of love, which caught fire at his words. Then she raised the
+Tourainian, who still found in his misery the courage to smile at his
+mistress, who had the majesty of a full-blown rose, ears like shoes,
+and the complexion of a sick cat, but was so well-dressed, so fine in
+figure, so royal of foot, and so queenly in carriage, that he might
+still find in this affair means to gain his original object.
+
+“Who are you?” said the Regent, putting on the stern look of her
+father.
+
+“I am your very faithful subject, Jacques de Beaune, son of your
+steward, who has fallen into disgrace in spite of his faithful
+services.”
+
+“Ah, well!” replied the lady, “lay yourself on the table again. I hear
+someone coming; and it is not fit that my people should think me your
+accomplice in this farce and mummery.”
+
+The good fellow perceived, by the soft sound of her voice, that he was
+pardoned the enormity of his love. He lay down upon the table again,
+and remembered how certain lords had ridden to court in an old stirrup
+--a thought which perfectly reconciled him to his present position.
+
+“Good,” said the Regent to her maid-servants, “nothing is needed. This
+gentleman is better; thanks to heaven and the Holy Virgin, there will
+have been no murder in my house.”
+
+Thus saying, she passed her hand through the locks of the lover who
+had fallen to her from the skies, and taking a little reviving water
+she bathed his temples, undid his doublet, and under pretence of
+aiding his recovery, verified better than an expert how soft and young
+was the skin on this young fellow and bold promiser of bliss, and all
+the bystanders, men and women, were amazed to see the Regent act thus.
+But humanity never misbecomes those of royal blood. Jacques stood up,
+and appeared to come to his senses, thanked the Regent most humbly,
+and dismissed the physicians, master surgeons, and other imps in
+black, saying that he had thoroughly recovered. Then he gave his name,
+and saluting Madame de Beaujeu, wished to depart, as though afraid of
+her on account of his father’s disgrace, but no doubt horrified at his
+terrible vow.
+
+“I cannot permit it,” said she. “Persons who come to my house should
+not meet with such treatment as you have encountered. The Sieur de
+Beaune will sup here,” she added to her major domo. “He who has so
+unduly insulted him will be at his mercy if he makes himself known
+immediately; otherwise, I will have him found out and hanged by the
+provost.”
+
+Hearing this, the page who had attended the lady during her promenade
+stepped forward.
+
+“Madame,” said Jacques, “at my request pray both pardon and reward
+him, since to him I owe the felicity of seeing you, the favour of
+supping in your company, and perhaps that of getting my father
+re-established in the office to which it pleased your glorious
+father to appoint him.”
+
+“Well said,” replied the Regent. “D’Estouteville,” said she, turning
+towards the page, “I give thee command of a company of archers. But
+for the future do not throw things out of the window.”
+
+Then she, delighted with de Beaune, offered him her hand, and led him
+most gallantly into her room, where they conversed freely together
+while supper was being prepared. There the Sieur Jacques did not fail
+to exhibit his talents, justify his father, and raise himself in the
+estimation of the lady, who, as is well known, was like a father in
+disposition, and did everything at random. Jacques de Beaune thought
+to himself that it would be rather difficult for him to remain all
+night with the Regent. Such matters are not so easily arranged as the
+amours of cats, who have always a convenient refuge upon the housetops
+for their moments of dalliance. So he rejoiced that he was known to
+the Regent without being compelled to fulfil his rash promise, since
+for this to be carried out it was necessary that the servants and
+others should be out of the way, and her reputation safe.
+Nevertheless, suspecting the powers of intrigue of the good lady, at
+times he would ask himself if he were equal to the task. But beneath
+the surface of conversation, the same thing was in the mind of the
+Regent, who had already managed affairs quite as difficult, and she
+began most cleverly to arrange the means. She sent for one of her
+secretaries, an adept in all arts necessary for the perfect government
+of a kingdom, and ordered him to give her secretly a false message
+during the supper. Then came the repast, which the lady did not touch,
+since her heart had swollen like a sponge, and so diminished her
+stomach, for she kept thinking of this handsome and desirable man,
+having no appetite save for him. Jacques did not fail to make a good
+meal for many reasons. The messenger came, madame began to storm, and
+to knit her brows after the manner of the late king, and to say, “Is
+there never to be peace in this land? Pasques Dieu! can we not have
+one quiet evening?” Then she rose and strode about the room. “Ho
+there! My horse! Where is Monsieur de Vieilleville, my squire? Ah, he
+is in Picardy. D’Estouteville, you will rejoin me with my household at
+the Chateau d’Amboise....” And looking at Jacques, she said, “You
+shall be my squire, Sieur de Beaune. You wish to serve the state. The
+occasion is a good one. Pasques Dieu! come! There are rebels to
+subdue, and faithful knights are needed.”
+
+In less time than an old beggar would have taken to say thank you, the
+horses were bridled, saddled, and ready. Madame was on her mare, and
+the Tourainian at her side, galloping at full speed to her castle at
+Amboise, followed by the men-at-arms. To be brief and come to the
+facts without further commentary, the De Beaune was lodged not twenty
+yards from Madame, far from prying eyes. The courtiers and the
+household, much astonished, ran about inquiring from what quarter the
+danger might be expected; but our hero, taken at his word, knew well
+enough where to find it. The virtue of the Regent, well known in the
+kingdom, saved her from suspicion, since she was supposed to be as
+impregnable as the Chateau de Peronne. At curfew, when everything was
+shut, both ears and eyes, and the castle silent, Madame de Beaujeu
+sent away her handmaid, and called for her squire. The squire came.
+Then the lady and the adventurer sat side by side upon a velvet couch,
+in the shadow of a lofty fireplace, and the curious Regent, with a
+tender voice, asked of Jacques “Are you bruised? It was very wrong of
+me to make a knight, wounded by one on my servants, ride twelve miles.
+I was so anxious about it that I would not go to bed without having
+seen you. Do you suffer?”
+
+“I suffer with impatience,” said he of the dozen, thinking it would
+not do to appear reluctant. “I see well,” continued he, “my noble and
+beautiful mistress, that your servant has found favour in your sight.”
+
+“There, there!” replied she; “did you not tell a story when you
+said--”
+
+“What?” said he.
+
+“Why, that you had followed me dozens of times to churches, and other
+places to which I went.”
+
+“Certainly,” said he.
+
+“I am astonished,” replied the Regent, “never to have seen until today
+a noble youth whose courage is so apparent in his countenance. I am
+not ashamed of that which you heard me say when I believed you dead.
+You are agreeable to me, you please me, and you wish to do well.”
+
+Then the hour of the dreaded sacrifice having struck, Jacques fell at
+the knees of the Regent, kissed her feet, her hands, and everything,
+it is said; and while kissing her, previous to retirement, proved by
+many arguments to the aged virtue of his sovereign, that a lady
+bearing the burden of the state had a perfect right to enjoy herself
+--a theory which was not directly admitted by the Regent, who
+determined to be forced, in order to throw the burden of this sin upon
+her lover. This notwithstanding, you may be sure that she had highly
+perfumed and elegantly attired herself for the night, and shone with
+desire for embraces, for desire lent her a high colour which greatly
+improved her complexion; and in spite of her feeble resistance she was,
+like a young girl, carried by assault in her royal couch, where the
+good lady and her young dozener, embraced each other. Then from play to
+quarrel, quarrel to riot, from riot to ribaldry, from thread to needle,
+the Regent declared that she believed more in the virginity of the Holy
+Mary than in the promised dozen. Now, by chance, Jacques de Beaune did
+not find this great lady so very old between the sheets, since
+everything is metamorphosed by the light of the lamps of the night.
+Many women of fifty by day are twenty at midnight, as others are
+twenty at mid-day and a hundred after vespers. Jacques, happier at
+this sight than at that of the King on a hanging day, renewed his
+undertaking. Madame, herself astonished, promised every assistance on
+her part. The manor of Azay-le-Brule, with a good title thereto, she
+undertook to confer upon her cavalier, as well as the pardon of his
+father, if from this encounter she came forth vanquished, then the
+clever fellows said to himself, “This is to save my father from
+punishment! this for the fief! this for the letting and selling! this
+for the forest of Azay! item for the right of fishing! another for the
+Isles of the Indre! this for the meadows! I may as well release from
+confiscation our land of La Carte, so dearly bought by my father! Once
+more for a place at court!” Arriving without hindrance at this point,
+he believed his dignity involved, and fancied that having France under
+him, it was a question of the honour of the crown. In short, at the
+cost of a vow which he made to his patron, Monsieur St. Jacques, to
+build him a chapel at Azay, he presented his liege homage to the
+Regent eleven clear, clean, limpid, and genuine periphrases.
+Concerning the epilogue of this slow conversation, the Tourainian had
+the great self-confidence to wish excellently to regale the Regent,
+keeping for her on her waking the salute of an honest man, as it was
+necessary for the lord of Azay to thank his sovereign, which was
+wisely thought. But when nature is oppressed, she acts like a spirited
+horse, lays down, and will die under the whip sooner than move until
+it pleases her to rise reinvigorated. Thus, when in the morning the
+seignior of the castle of Azay desired to salute the daughter of King
+Louis XI., he was constrained, in spite of his courtesy, to make the
+salute as royal salutes should be made--with blank cartridge only.
+Therefore the Regent, after getting up, and while she was breakfasting
+with Jacques, who called himself the legitimate Lord of Azay, seized
+the occasion of this insufficiency to contradict her esquire, and
+pretend, that as he had not gained his wager, he had not earned the
+manor.
+
+“Ventre-Saint-Paterne! I have been near enough,” said Jacques. “But my
+dear lady and noble sovereign it is not proper for either you or me to
+judge in this cause. The case being an allodial case, must be brought
+before your council, since the fief of Azay is held from the crown.”
+
+“Pasques dieu!” replied the Regent with a forced laugh. “I give you
+the place of the Sieur de Vieilleville in my house. Don’t trouble
+about your father. I will give you Azay, and will place you in a royal
+office if you can, without injury to my honour, state the case in full
+council; but if one word falls to the damage of my reputation as a
+virtuous women, I--”
+
+“May I be hanged,” said Jacques, turning the thing into a joke,
+because there was a shade of anger in the face of Madame de Beaujeu.
+
+In fact, the daughter of King Louis thought more of her royalty than
+of the roguish dozen, which she considered as nothing, since fancying
+she had had her night’s amusement without loosening her purse-strings,
+she preferred the difficult recital of his claim to another dozen
+offered her by the Tourainian.
+
+“Then, my lady,” replied her good companion, “I shall certainly be
+your squire.”
+
+The captains, secretaries, and other persons holding office under the
+regency, astonished at the sudden departure of Madame de Beaujeu,
+learned the cause of her anxiety, and came in haste to the castle of
+Amboise to discover whence preceded the rebellion, and were in
+readiness to hold a council when her Majesty had arisen. She called
+them together, not to be suspected of having deceived them, and gave
+them certain falsehoods to consider, which they considered most
+wisely. At the close of the sitting, came the new squire to accompany
+his mistress. Seeing the councillors rising, the bold Tourainian
+begged them to decide a point of law which concerned both himself and
+the property of the Crown.
+
+“Listen to him,” said the Regent. “He speaks truly.”
+
+Then Jacques de Beaune, without being nervous at the sight of this
+august court, spoke as follows, or thereabouts:--“Noble Lords, I beg
+you, although I am about to speak to you of walnut shells, to give
+your attention to this case, and pardon me the trifling nature of my
+language. One lord was walking with another in a fruit garden, and
+noticed a fine walnut tree, well planted, well grown, worth looking
+at, worth keeping, although a little empty; a nut tree always fresh,
+sweet-smelling, the tree which you would not leave if you once saw it,
+a tree of love which seemed the tree of good and evil, forbidden by
+the Lord, through which were banished our mother Eve and the gentleman
+her husband. Now, my lords, this said walnut tree was the subject of a
+slight dispute between the two, and one of those many wagers which are
+occasionally made between friends. The younger boasted that he could
+throw twelve times through it a stick which he had in his hand at the
+time--as many people have who walk in a garden--and with each flight
+of the stick he would send a nut to the ground--”
+
+“That is, I believe the knotty point of the case,” said Jacques
+turning towards the Regent.
+
+“Yes, gentlemen,” replied she, surprised at the craft of her squire.
+
+“The other wagered to the contrary,” went on the pleader. “Now the
+first named throws his stick with such precision of aim, so gently,
+and so well that both derived pleasure therefrom, and by the joyous
+protection of the saints, who no doubt were amused spectators, with
+each throw there fell a nut; in fact, there fell twelve. But by chance
+the last of the fallen nuts was empty, and had no nourishing pulp from
+which could have come another nut tree, had the gardener planted it.
+Has the man with the stick gained his wager? Judge.”
+
+“The thing is clear enough,” said Messire Adam Fumee, a Tourainian,
+who at that time was the keeper of the seals. “There is only one thing
+for the other to do.”
+
+“What is that?” said the Regent.
+
+“To pay the wager, Madame.”
+
+“He is rather too clever,” said she, tapping her squire on the cheek.
+“He will be hanged one of these days.”
+
+She meant it as a joke, but these words were the real horoscope of the
+steward, who mounted the gallows by the ladder of royal favour,
+through the vengeance of another old woman, and the notorious treason
+of a man of Ballan, his secretary, whose fortune he had made, and
+whose name was Prevost, and not Rene Gentil, as certain persons have
+wrongly called him. The Ganelon and bad servant gave, it is said, to
+Madame d’Angouleme, the receipt for the money which had been given him
+by Jacques de Beaune, then become Baron of Samblancay, lord of La
+Carte and Azay, and one of the foremost men in the state. Of his two
+sons, one was Archbishop of Tours the other Minister of Finance and
+Governor of Touraine. But this is not the subject of the present
+history.
+
+Now that which concerns the present narrative, is that Madame de
+Beaujeu, to whom the pleasure of love had come rather late in the day,
+well pleased with the great wisdom and knowledge of public affairs
+which her chance lover possessed, made him Lord of the Privy Purse, in
+which office he behaved so well, and added so much to the contents of
+it, that his great renown procured for him one day the handling of the
+revenues which he superintended and controlled most admirably, and
+with great profit to himself, which was but fair. The good Regent paid
+the bet, and handed over to her squire the manor of Azay-le-Brule, of
+which the castle had long before been demolished by the first
+bombardiers who came from Touraine, as everyone knows. For this
+powdery miracle, but for the intervention of the king, the said
+engineers would have been condemned as heretics and abettors of Satan,
+by the ecclesiastical tribune of the chapter.
+
+At this time there was being built with great care by Messire Bohier,
+Minister of Finance, the Castle of Chenonceaux, which as a curiosity
+and novel design, was placed right across the river Cher.
+
+Now the Baron de Samblancay, wishing to oppose the said Bohier,
+determined to lay the foundation of this at the bottom of the Indre,
+where it still stands, the gem of this fair green valley, so solidly
+was it placed upon the piles. It cost Jacques de Beaune thirty
+thousand crowns, not counting the work done by his vassals. You may
+take it for granted this castle was one of the finest, prettiest, most
+exquisite and most elaborate castles of our sweet Touraine, and laves
+itself in the Indre like a princely creature, gayly decked with
+pavilions and lace curtained windows, with fine weather-beaten
+soldiers on her vanes, turning whichever way the wind blows, as all
+soldiers do. But Samblancay was hanged before it was finished, and
+since that time no one has been found with sufficient money to
+complete it. Nevertheless, his master, King Francis the First, was
+once his guest, and the royal chamber is still shown there. When the
+king was going to bed, Samblancay, whom the king called “old fellow,”
+ in honour of his white hairs, hearing his royal master, to whom he was
+devotedly attached, remark, “Your clock has just struck twelve, old
+fellow!” replied, “Ah! sire, to twelve strokes of a hammer, an old one
+now, but years ago a good one, at this hour of the clock do I owe my
+lands, the money spent on this place, and honour of being in your
+service.”
+
+The king wished to know what his minister meant by these strange
+words; and when his majesty was getting into bed, Jacques de Beaune
+narrated to him the history with which you are acquainted. Now Francis
+the First, who was partial to these spicy stories, thought the
+adventure a very droll one, and was the more amused thereat because at
+that time his mother, the Duchess d’Angouleme, in the decline of life,
+was pursuing the Constable of Bourbon, in order to obtain of him one
+of these dozens. Wicked love of a wicked woman, for therefrom
+proceeded the peril of the kingdom, the capture of the king, and the
+death--as has been before mentioned--of poor Samblancay.
+
+I have here endeavoured to relate how the Chateau d’Azay came to be
+built, because it is certain that thus was commenced the great fortune
+of that Samblancay who did so much for his natal town, which he
+adorned; and also spent such immense sums upon the completion of the
+towers of the cathedral. This lucky adventure has been handed down
+from father to son, and lord to lord, in the said place of
+Azay-les-Ridel, where the story frisks still under the curtains of the
+king, which have been curiously respected down to the present day. It is
+therefore the falsest of falsities which attributes the dozen of the
+Tourainian to a German knight, who by this deed would have secured the
+domains of Austria to the House of Hapsburgh. The author of our days,
+who brought this history to light, although a learned man, has allowed
+himself to be deceived by certain chroniclers, since the archives of
+the Roman Empire make no mention of an acquisition of this kind. I am
+angry with him for having believed that a “braguette” nourished with
+beer, could have been equal to the alchemical operations of the
+Chinonian “braguettes,” so much esteemed by Rabelais. And I have for
+the advantage of the country, the glory of Azay, the conscience of the
+castle, and renown of the House of Beaune, from which sprang the
+Sauves and the Noirmoutiers, re-established the facts in all their
+veritable, historical, and admirable beauty. Should any ladies pay a
+visit to the castle, there are still dozens to be found in the
+neighbourhood, but they can only be procured retail.
+
+
+
+                        THE FALSE COURTESAN
+
+That which certain people do not know, is a the truth concerning the
+decease of the Duke of Orleans, brother of King Charles VI., a death
+which proceeded from a great number of causes, one of which will be
+the subject of this narrative. This prince was for certain the most
+lecherous of all the royal race of Monseigneur St. Louis (who was in
+his life time King of France), without even putting on one side some
+of the most debauched of this fine family, which was so concordant
+with the vices and especial qualities of our brave and
+pleasure-seeking nation, that you could more easily imagine Hell
+without Satan than France without her valorous, glorious, and jovial
+kings. So you can laugh as loudly at those muckworms of philosophy who
+go about saying, “Our fathers were better,” as at the good,
+philanthropical old bunglers who pretend that mankind is on the right
+road to perfection. These are old blind bats, who observe neither the
+plumage of oysters nor the shells of birds, which change no more than
+our ways. Hip, hip, huzzah! then, make merry while you’re young. Keep
+your throats wet and your eyes dry, since a hundredweight of melancholy
+is worth less than an ounce of jollity. The wrong doings of this lord,
+lover of Queen Isabella, whom he doted upon, brought about pleasant
+adventures, since he was a great wit, of Alcibaidescal nature, and a
+chip off the old block. It was he who first conceived the idea of a
+relay of sweethearts, so that when he went from Paris to Bordeaux,
+every time he unsettled his nag he found ready for him a good meal and
+a bed with as much lace inside as out. Happy Prince! who died on
+horseback, for he was always across something in-doors and out. Of his
+comical jokes our most excellent King Louis the Eleventh has given a
+splendid sample in the book of “Cent Nouvelles Nouvelles,” written under
+his superintendence during his exile, at the Court of Burgundy, where,
+during the long evenings, in order to amuse themselves, he and his
+cousin Charolois would relate to each other the good tricks and jokes
+of the period; and when they were hard up for true stories, each of
+the courtiers tried who could invent the best one. But out of respect
+for the royal blood, the Dauphin has credited a townsman with that
+which happened to the Lady of Cany. It is given under the title of “La
+Medaille a revers”, in the collection of which it is one of the
+brightest jewels, and commences the hundred. But now for mine.
+
+The Duc d’Orleans had in his suite a lord of the province of Picardy,
+named Raoul d’Hocquetonville, who had taken for a wife, to the future
+trouble of the prince, a young lady related to the house of Burgundy,
+and rich in domains. But, an exception to the general run of
+heiresses, she was of so dazzling a beauty, that all the ladies of the
+court, even the Queen and Madame Valentine, were thrown into the
+shade; nevertheless, this was as nothing in the lady of
+Hocquetonville, compared with her Burgundian consanguinity, her
+inheritances, her prettiness, and gentle nature, because these rare
+advantages received a religious lustre from her supreme innocence,
+sweet modesty, and chaste education. The Duke had not long gazed upon
+this heaven-sent flower before he was seized with the fever of love.
+He fell into a state of melancholy, frequented no bad places, and only
+with regret now and then did he take a bite at his royal and dainty
+German morsel Isabella. He became passionate, and swore either by
+sorcery, by force, by trickery, or with her consent, to enjoy the
+flavours of this gentle lady, who, by the sight of her sweet body,
+forced him to the last extremity, during his now long and weary
+nights. At first, he pursued her with honied words, but he soon knew
+by her untroubled air that she was determined to remain virtuous, for
+without appearing astonished at his proceedings, or getting angry like
+certain other ladies, she replied to him, “My lord, I must inform you
+that I do not desire to trouble myself with the love of other persons,
+not that I despise the joys which are therein to be experienced (as
+supreme they must be, since so many ladies cast into the abyss of love
+their homes, their honour, their future, and everything), but from the
+love I bear my children. Never would I be the cause of a blush upon
+their cheeks, for in this idea will I bring up my daughters--that in
+virtue alone is happiness to be found. For, my lord, if the days of
+our old age are more numerous than those of our youth, of them must we
+think. From those who brought me up I learned to properly estimate
+this life, and I know that everything therein is transitory, except
+the security of the natural affections. Thus I wish for the esteem of
+everyone, and above all that of my husband, who is all the world to
+me. Therefore do I desire to appear honest in his sight. I have
+finished, and I entreat you to allow me unmolested to attend to my
+household affairs, otherwise I will unhesitatingly refer the matter to
+my lord and master, who will quit your service.”
+
+This brave reply rendered the king’s brother more amorous than ever,
+and he endeavoured to ensnare this noble woman in order to possess
+her, dead or alive, and he never doubted a bit that he would have her
+in his clutches, relying upon his dexterity at this kind of sport, the
+most joyous of all, in which it is necessary to employ the weapons of
+all other kinds of sport, seeing that this sweet game is taken
+running, by taking aim, by torchlight, by night, by day, in the town,
+in the country, in the woods, by the waterside, in nets, with falcons,
+with the lance, with the horn, with the gun, with the decoy bird, in
+snares, in the toils, with a bird call, by the scent, on the wing,
+with the cornet, in slime, with a bait, with the lime-twig--indeed, by
+means of all the snares invented since the banishment of Adam. And
+gets killed in various different ways, but generally is overridden.
+
+The artful fellow ceased to mention his desires, but had a post of
+honour given to the Lady of Hocquetonville, in the queen’s household.
+Now, one day that the said Isabella went to Vincennes, to visit the
+sick King, and left him master of the Hotel St. Paul, he commanded the
+chef to have a delicate and royal supper prepared, and to serve it in
+the queen’s apartments. Then he sent for his obstinate lady by express
+command, and by one of the pages of the household. The Countess
+d’Hocquetonville, believing that she was desired by Madame Isabella
+for some service appertaining to her post, or invited to some sudden
+amusement, hastened to the room. In consequence of the precautions
+taken by the disloyal lover, no one had been able to inform the noble
+dame of the princess’s departure, so she hastened to the splendid
+chamber, which, in the Hotel St. Paul, led into the queen’s
+bedchamber; there she found the Duc d’Orleans alone. Suspecting some
+treacherous plot, she went quickly into the other room, found no
+queen, but heard the Prince give vent to a hearty laugh.
+
+“I am undone!” said she. Then she endeavoured to run away.
+
+But the good lady-killer had posted about devoted attendants, who,
+without knowing what was going on, closed the hotel, barricaded the
+doors, and in this mansion, so large that it equalled a fourth of
+Paris, the Lady d’Hocquetonville was as in a desert, with no other aid
+than that of her patron saint and God. Then, suspecting the truth, the
+poor lady trembled from head to foot and fell into a chair; and then
+the working of this snare, so cleverly conceived, was, with many a
+hearty laugh, revealed to her by her lover. Directly the duke made a
+movement to approach her this woman rose and exclaimed, arming herself
+first with her tongue, and flashing one thousand maledictions from her
+eyes--
+
+“You will possess me--but dead! Ha! my lord, do not force me to a
+struggle which must become known to certain people. I may yet retire,
+and the Sire d’Hocquetonville shall be ignorant of the sorrow with
+which you have forever tinged my life. Duke, you look too often in the
+ladies’ faces to find time to study men’s, and you do not therefore
+know your man. The Sire d’Hocquetonville would let himself be hacked
+to pieces in your service, so devoted is he to you, in memory of your
+kindness to him, and also because he is partial to you. But as he
+loves so does he hate; and I believe him to be the man to bring his
+mace down upon your head, to take his revenge, if you but compel me to
+utter one cry. Do you desire both my death and your own? But be
+assured that, as an honest woman, whatever happens to me, good or
+evil, I shall keep no secret. Now, will you let me go?”
+
+The bad fellow began to whistle. Hearing his whistling, the good woman
+went suddenly into the queen’s chamber, and took from a place known to
+her therein, a sharp stiletto. Then, when the duke followed her to
+ascertain what this flight meant, “When you pass that line,” cried
+she, pointing to a board, “I will kill myself.”
+
+My lord, without being in the least terrified, took a chair, placed it
+at the very edge of the plank in question, and commenced a glowing
+description of certain things, hoping to influence the mind of this
+brave woman, and work her to that point that her brain, her heart, and
+everything should be at his mercy. Then he commenced to say to her, in
+that delicate manner to which princes are accustomed, that, in the
+first place, virtuous women pay dearly for their virtue, since in
+order to gain the uncertain blessings of the future, they lose all the
+sweetest joys of the present, because husbands were compelled, from
+motives of conjugal policy, not show them all the jewels in the shrine
+of love, since the said jewels would so affect their hearts, was so
+rapturously delicious, so titillatingly voluptuous, that a woman would
+no longer consent to dwell in the cold regions of domestic life; and
+he declared this marital abomination to be a great felony, because the
+least thing a man could do in recognition of the virtuous life of a
+good woman and her great merits, was to overwork himself, to exert, to
+exterminate himself, to please her in every way, with fondlings and
+kissings and wrestlings, and all the delicacies and sweet
+confectionery of love; and that, if she would taste a little of the
+seraphic joys of these little ways to her unknown, she would believe
+all the other things of life as not worth a straw; and that, if such
+were her wish, he would forever be as silent as the grave, and last no
+scandal would besmear her virtue. And the lewd fellow, perceiving that
+the lady did not stop her ears, commenced to describe to her, after
+the fashion of arabesque pictures, which at that time were much
+esteemed, the wanton inventions of debauchery. Then did his eyes shoot
+flame, his words burn, and his voice ring, and he himself took great
+pleasure in calling to mind the various ways of his ladies, naming
+them to Madame d’Hocquetonville, and even revealing to her the tricks,
+caresses, and amorous ways of Queen Isabella, and he made use of
+expression so gracious and so ardently inciting, that, fancying it
+caused the lady to relax her hold upon the stiletto a little, he made
+as if to approach her. But she, ashamed to be found buried in thought,
+gazed proudly at the diabolical leviathan who tempted her, and said to
+him, “Fine sir, I thank you. You have caused me to love my husband all
+the more, for from your discourse I learn how much he esteems me by
+holding me in such respect that he does not dishonour his couch with
+the tricks of street-walkers and bad women. I should think myself
+forever disgraced, and should be contaminated to all eternity if I put
+my foot in these sloughs where go these shameless hussies. A man’s
+wife is one thing, and his mistress another.”
+
+“I will wager,” said the duke, smiling, “that, nevertheless, for the
+future you spur the Sire d’Hocquetonville to a little sharper pace.”
+
+At this the good woman trembled, and cried, “You are a wicked man. Now
+I both despise and abominate you! What! unable to rob me of my honour,
+you attempt to poison my mind! Ah, my lord, this night’s work will
+cost you dear--
+
+    “If I forget it, a yet,
+     God will not forget.
+
+“Are not those of verse is yours?”
+
+“Madame,” said the duke, turning pale with anger, “I can have you
+bound--”
+
+“Oh no! I can free myself,” replied she, brandishing the stiletto.
+
+The rapscallion began to laugh.
+
+“Never mind,” said he. “I have a means of plunging you into the
+sloughs of three brazen hussies, as you call them.”
+
+“Never, while I live.”
+
+“Head and heels you shall go in--with your two feet, two hands, two
+ivory breasts, and two other things, white as snow--your teeth, your
+hair, and everything. You will go of your own accord; you shall enter
+into it lasciviously, and in a way to crush your cavalier, as a wild
+horse does its rider--stamping, leaping, and snorting. I swear it by
+Saint Castud!”
+
+Instantly he whistled for one of his pages. And when the page came, he
+secretly ordered him to go and seek the Sire d’Hocquetonville,
+Savoisy, Tanneguy, Cypierre, and other members of his band, asking
+them to these rooms to supper, not without at the same time inviting
+to meet his guests a pretty petticoat or two.
+
+Then he came and sat down in his chair again, ten paces from the lady,
+off whom he had not taken his eye while giving his commands to the
+page in a whisper.
+
+“Raoul is jealous,” said he. “Now let me give you a word of advice. In
+this place,” he added, pointing to a secret door, “are the oils and
+superfine perfumes of the queen; in this other little closet she
+performs her ablutions and little feminine offices. I know by much
+experience that each one of you gentle creatures has her own special
+perfume, by which she is smelt and recognised. So if, as you say,
+Raoul is overwhelmingly jealous with the worst of all jealousies, you
+will use these fast hussies’ scents, because your danger approaches
+fast.”
+
+“Ah, my lord, what do you intend to do?”
+
+“You will know when it is necessary that you should know. I wish you
+no harm, and pledge you my honour, as a loyal knight, that I will
+almost thoroughly respect you, and be forever silent concerning my
+discomfiture. In short, you will know that the Duc d’Orleans has a
+good heart, and revenges himself nobly on ladies who treat him with
+disdain, by placing in their hands the key of Paradise. Only keep your
+ears open to the joyous words that will be handed from mouth to mouth
+in the next room, and cough not if you love your children.”
+
+Since there was no egress from the royal chamber, and the bars
+crossing hardly left room to put one’s head through, the good prince
+closed the door of the room, certain of keeping the lady a safe
+prisoner there, and again impressed upon her the necessity of silence.
+Then came the merry blades in great haste, and found a good and
+substantial supper smiling at them from the silver plates upon the
+table, and the table well arranged and well lighted, loaded with fine
+silver cups, and cups full of royal wine. Then said their master to
+them--
+
+“Come! Come! to your places my good friends. I was becoming very
+weary. Thinking of you, I wished to arrange with you a merry feast
+after the ancient method, when the Greeks and Romans said their Pater
+noster to Master Priapus, and the learned god called in all countries
+Bacchus. The feast will be proper and a right hearty one, since at our
+libation there will be present some pretty crows with three beaks, of
+which I know from great experience the best one to kiss.”
+
+Then all of them recognising their master in all things, took pleasure
+in this discourse, except Raoul d’Hocquetonville, who advanced and
+said to the prince--
+
+“My lord, I will aid you willingly in any battle but that of the
+petticoats, in that of spear and axe, but not of the wine flasks. My
+good companions here present have not wives at home, it is otherwise
+with me. I have a sweet wife, to whom I owe my company, and an account
+of all my deeds and actions.”
+
+“Then, since I am a married man I am to blame?” said the duke.
+
+“Ah! my dear master, you are a prince, and can do as you please.”
+
+These brave speeches made, as you can imagine, the heart of the lady
+prisoner hot and cold.
+
+“Ah! my Raoul,” thought she, “thou art a noble man!”
+
+“You are,” said the duke, “a man whom I love, and consider more
+faithful and praiseworthy than any of my people. The others,” said he,
+looking at the three lords, “are wicked men. But, Raoul,” he
+continued, “sit thee down. When the linnets come--they are linnets of
+high degree--you can make your way home. S’death! I had treated thee
+as a virtuous man, ignorant of the extra-conjugal joys of love, and
+had carefully put for thee in that room the queen of raptures--a fair
+demon, in whom is concentrated all feminine inventions. I wished that
+once in thy life thou, who has never tasted the essence of love, and
+dreamed but of war, should know the secret marvels of the gallant
+amusement, since it is shameful that one of my followers should serve
+a fair lady badly.”
+
+Thereupon the Sire d’Hocquetonville sat down to a table in order to
+please his prince as far as he could lawfully do so. Then they all
+commenced to laugh, joke, and talk about the ladies; and according to
+their custom, they related to each other their good fortunes and their
+love adventures, sparing no woman except the queen of the house, and
+betraying the little habits of each one, to which followed horrible
+little confidences, which increased in treachery and lechery as the
+contents of the goblets grew less. The duke, gay as a universal
+legatee, drew the guests out, telling lies himself to learn the truth
+from them; and his companions ate at a trot, drank at a full gallop,
+and their tongues rattled away faster than either.
+
+Now, listening to them, and heating his brain with wine, the Sire
+d’Hocquetonville unharnessed himself little by little from the
+reluctance. In spite of his virtues, he indulged certain desires, and
+became soaked in these impurities like a saint who defiles himself
+while saying his prayers. Perceiving which, the prince, on the alert
+to satisfy his ire and his bile, began to say to him, joking him--
+
+“By Saint Castud, Raoul, we are all tarred with the same brush, all
+discreet away from here. Go; we will say nothing to Madame. By heaven!
+man, I wish thee to taste of the joys of paradise. There,” said he,
+tapping the door of the room in which was Madame d’Hocquetonville, “in
+there is a lady of the court and a friend of the queen, but the
+greatest priestess of Venus that ever was, and her equal is not to be
+found in any courtesan, harlot, dancer, doxy, or hussy. She was
+engendered at a moment when paradise was radiant with joy, when nature
+was procreating, when the planets were whispering vows of love, when
+the beasts were frisking and capering, and everything was aglow with
+desire. Although the women make an altar of her bed, she is
+nevertheless too great a lady to allow herself to be seen, and too
+well known to utter any words but the sounds of love. No light will
+you need, for her eyes flash fire, and attempt no conversation, since
+she speaks only with movements and twistings more rapid than those of
+a deer surprised in the forest. Only, my dear Raoul, but so merry a
+nag look to your stirrups, sit light in the saddle, since with one
+plunge she would hurl thee to the ceiling, if you are not careful. She
+burns always, and is always longing for male society. Our poor dead
+friend, the young Sire de Giac, met his death through her; she drained
+his marrow in one springtime. God’s truth! to know such bliss as that
+of which she rings the bells and lights the fires, what man would not
+forfeit a third of his future happiness? and he who has known her once
+would for a second night forfeit without regret eternity.”
+
+“But,” said Raoul, “in things which should be so much alike, how is it
+that there is so great a difference?”
+
+“Ha! Ha! Ha!”
+
+Thereupon the company burst out laughing, and animated by the wine and
+a wink from their master, they all commenced relating droll and quaint
+conceits, laughing, shouting, and making a great noise. Now, knowing
+not that an innocent scholar was there, these jokers, who had drowned
+their sense of shame in the wine-cups, said things to make the figures
+on the mantel shake, the walls and the ceilings blush; and the duke
+surpassed them all, saying, that the lady who was in bed in the next
+room awaiting a gallant should be the empress of these warm
+imaginations, because she practised them every night. Upon this the
+flagons being empty, the duke pushed Raoul, who let himself be pushed
+willingly, into the room, and by this means the prince compelled the
+lady to deliberate by which dagger she would live or die. At midnight
+the Sire d’Hocquetonville came out gleefully, not without remorse at
+having been false to his good wife. Then the Duc d’Orleans led Madame
+d’Hocquetonville out by a garden door, so that she gained her
+residence before her husband arrived here.
+
+“This,” said she, in the prince’s ear, as she passed the postern,
+“will cost us all dear.”
+
+One year afterwards, in the old Rue du Temple, Raoul d’Hocquetonville,
+who had quitted the service of the Duke for that of Jehan of Burgundy,
+gave the king’s brother a blow on the head with a club, and killed
+him, as everyone knows. In the same year died the Lady
+d’Hocquetonville, having faded like a flower deprived of air and eaten
+by a worm. Her good husband had engraved upon her marble tomb, which
+is in one of the cloisters of Peronne, the following inscription--
+
+
+                             HERE LIES
+                        BERTHA DE BOURGONGE
+                     THE NOBLE AND COMELY WIFE
+                                 OF
+                   RAOUL, SIRE DE HOCQUETONVILLE.
+
+                    ALAS! PRAY NOT FOR HER SOUL
+                                SHE
+                    BLOSSOMED AGAIN IN PARADISE
+                    THE ELEVENTH DAY OF JANUARY
+                IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD MCCCCVIII.,
+                IN THE TWENTY-THIRD YEAR OF HER AGE,
+                LEAVING TWO SONS AND HER LORD SPOUSE
+                            INCONSOLABLE.
+
+
+This epitaph was written in elegant Latin, but for the convenience of
+all it was necessary to translate it, although the word comely is
+feeble beside that of formosa, which signifies beautiful in shape. The
+Duke of Burgundy, called the Fearless, in whom previous to his death
+the Sire d’Hocquetonville confided the troubles cemented with lime and
+sand in his heart, used to say, in spite of his hardheartedness in
+these matters, that this epitaph plunged him into a state of
+melancholy for a month, and that among all the abominations of his
+cousin of Orleans, there was one for which he would kill him over
+again if the deed had not already been done, because this wicked man
+had villianously defaced with vice the most divine virtue in the world
+and had prostituted two noble hearts, the one by the other. When
+saying this he would think of the lady of Hocquetonville and of his
+own, which portrait had been unwarrantably placed in the cabinet where
+his cousin placed the likeness of his wenches.
+
+The adventure was so extremely shocking, that when it was related by
+the Count de Charolois to the Dauphin, afterwards Louis XI., the
+latter would not allow his secretaries to publish it in his
+collection, out of respect for his great uncle the Duke d’Orleans, and
+for Dunois his old comrade, the son of the same. But the person of the
+lady of Hocquetonville is so sublimely virtuous, so exquisitely
+melancholy, that in her favour the present publication of this
+narrative will be forgiven, in spite of the diabolical invention and
+vengeance of Monseigneur d’Orleans. The just death of this rascal
+nevertheless caused many serious rebellions, which finally Louis XI.,
+losing all patience, put down with fire and sword.
+
+This shows us that there is a woman at the bottom of everything, in
+France as elsewhere, and that sooner or later we must pay for our
+follies.
+
+
+
+                  THE DANGER OF BEING TOO INNOCENT
+
+The Lord of Montcontour was a brave soldier of Tours, who in honour of
+the battle gained by the Duke of Anjou, afterwards our right glorious
+king, caused to be built at Vouvray the castle thus named, for he had
+borne himself most bravely in that affair, where he overcame the
+greatest of heretics, and from that was authorised to take the name.
+Now this said captain had two sons, good Catholics, of whom the eldest
+was in favour at court. After the peace, which was concluded before
+the stratagem arranged for St Bartholomew’s Day, the good man returned
+to his manor, which was not ornamented as it is at the present day.
+There he received the sad announcement of the death of his son, slain
+in a duel by the lord of Villequier. The poor father was the more cut
+up at this, as he had arranged a capital marriage for the said son
+with a young lady of the male branch of Amboise. Now, by this death
+most piteously inopportune, vanished all the future and advantages of
+his family, of which he wished to make a great and noble house. With
+this idea, he had put his other son in a monastery, under the guidance
+and government of a man renowned for his holiness, who brought him up
+in a Christian manner, according to the desire of his father, who
+wished from high ambition to make him a cardinal of renown. For this
+the good abbot kept the young man in a private house, and had to sleep
+by his side in his cell, allowed no evil weeds to grow in his mind,
+brought him up in purity of soul and true condition, as all priests
+should be. This said clerk, when turned nineteen years, knew no other
+love than the love of God, no other nature than that of the angels who
+had not our carnal properties, in order that they may live in purity,
+seeing that otherwise they would make good use of them. The which the
+King on high, who wished to have His pages always proper, was afraid
+of. He has done well, because His good little people cannot drink in
+dram shops or riot in brothels as ours do. He is divinely served; but
+then remember, He is Lord of all. Now in this plight the lord of
+Montcontour determined to withdraw his second son from the cloister,
+and invest him with the purple of the soldier and courtier, in the
+place of the ecclesiastical purple; and determined to give him in
+marriage to the maiden, affianced to the dead man, which was wisely
+determined because wrapped round with continence and sobriety in all
+ways as was the little monk, the bride would be as well used and
+happier than she would have been with the elder, already well hauled
+over, upset, and spoiled by the ladies of the court. The befrocked,
+unfrocked, and very sheepish in his ways, followed the sacred wishes
+of his father, and consented to the said marriage without knowing what
+a wife, and--what is more curious--what a girl was. By chance, his
+journey having been hindered by the troubles and marches of
+conflicting parties, this innocent--more innocent than it is lawful
+for a man to be innocent--only came to the castle of Montcontour the
+evening before the wedding, which was performed with dispensations
+bought in by the archbishopric of Tours. It is necessary here to
+describe the bride. Her mother, long time a widow, lived in the House
+of M. de Braguelongne, civil lieutenant of the Chatelet de Paris,
+whose wife lived with lord of Lignieres, to the great scandal of the
+period. But everyone then had so many joists in his own eye that he
+had no right to notice the rafters in the eyes of others. Now, in all
+families people go to perdition, without noticing their neighbours,
+some at an amble, others at a gentle trot, many at a gallop, and a
+small number walking, seeing that the road is all downhill. Thus in
+these times the devil had many a good orgy in all things, since that
+misconduct was fashionable. The poor old lady Virtue had retired
+trembling, no one knew whither, but now here, now there, lived
+miserably in company with honest women.
+
+In the most noble house Amboise there still lived the Dowager of
+Chaumont, an old woman of well proved virtue, in whom had retired all
+the religion and good conduct of this fine family. The said lady had
+taken to her bosom, from the age of ten years, the little maiden who
+is concerned in this adventure, and who had never caused Madame
+Amboise the least anxiety, but left her free in her movements, and she
+came to see her daughter once a year, when the court passed that way.
+In spite of this high maternal reserve, Madame Amboise was invited to
+her daughter’s wedding, and also the lord of Braguelongne, by the good
+old soldier, who knew his people. But the dear dowager came not to
+Montcontour, because she could not obtain relief from her sciatica,
+her cold, nor the state of her legs, which gamboled no longer. Over
+this the good woman cried copiously. It hurt her much to let go into
+the dangers of the court and of life this gentle maiden, as pretty as
+it was possible for a pretty girl to be, but she was obliged to give
+her her wings. But it was not without promising her many masses and
+orisons every evening for her happiness. And comforted a little, the
+good old lady began to think that the staff of her old age was passing
+into the hands of a quasi-saint, brought up to do good by the
+above-mentioned abbot, with whom she was acquainted, the which had
+aided considerably in the prompt exchange of spouses. At length,
+embracing her with tears, the virtuous dowager made those last
+recommendations to her that ladies make to young brides, as that she
+ought to be respectful to his mother, and obey her husband in
+everything.
+
+Then the maid arrived with a great noise, conducted by servants,
+chamberlains, grooms, gentlemen, and people of the house of Chaumont,
+so that you would have imagined her suite to be that of a cardinal
+legate. So arrived the two spouses the evening before marriage. Then,
+the feasting over, they were married with great pomp on the Lord’s
+Day, a mass being said at the castle by the Bishop of Blois, who was a
+great friend of the lord of Montcontour; in short, the feasting, the
+dancing, and the festivities of all sorts lasted till the morning. But
+on the stroke of midnight the bridesmaids went to put the bride to
+bed, according to the custom of Touraine; and during this time they
+kept quarrelling with the innocent husband, to prevent him going to
+this innocent wife, who sided with them from ignorance. However, the
+good lord of Montcontour interrupted the jokers and the wits, because
+it was necessary that his son should occupy himself in well-doing.
+Then went the innocent into the chamber of his wife, whom he thought
+more beautiful than the Virgin Mary painted in Italian, Flemish, and
+other pictures, at whose feet he had said his prayers. But you may be
+sure he felt very much embarrassed at having so soon become a husband,
+because he knew nothing of his business, and saw that certain forms
+had to be gone through concerning which from great and modest reserve,
+he had no time to question even his father, who had said sharply to
+him--
+
+“You know what you have to do; be valiant therein.”
+
+Then he saw the gentle girl who was given him, comfortably tucked up
+in the bedclothes, terribly curious, her head buried under, but
+hazarding a glance as at the point of a halberd, and saying to
+herself--
+
+“I must obey him.”
+
+And knowing nothing, she awaited the will of this slightly
+ecclesiastical gentleman, to whom, in fact, she belonged. Seeing
+which, the Chevalier de Montcontour came close to the bed, scratched
+his ear, and knelt down, a thing in which he was expert.
+
+“Have you said your prayers?” said he.
+
+“No,” said she; “I have forgotten them. Do wish me to say them?”
+
+Then the young couple commenced the business of a housekeeping by
+imploring God, which was not at all out of place. But unfortunately
+the devil heard, and at once replied to their requests, God being much
+occupied at that time with the new and abominable reformed religion.
+
+“What did they tell you to do?” said the husband.
+
+“To love you,” said she, in perfect innocence.
+
+“This has not been told to me; but I love you, I am ashamed to say,
+better than I love God.”
+
+This speech did not alarm the bride.
+
+“I should like,” said the husband, “to repose myself in your bed, if
+it will not disturb you.”
+
+“I will make room for you willingly because I am to submit myself to
+you.”
+
+“Well,” said he, “don’t look at me again. I’m going to take my clothes
+off, and come.”
+
+At this virtuous speech, the young damsel turned herself towards the
+wall in great expectation, seeing that it was for the very first time
+that she was about to find herself separated from a man by the
+confines of a shirt only. Then came the innocent, gliding into bed,
+and thus they found themselves, so to speak, united, but far from what
+you can imagine what. Did you ever see a monkey brought from across
+the seas, who for the first time is given a nut to crack? This ape,
+knowing by high apish imagination how delicious is the food hidden
+under the shell, sniffs and twists himself about in a thousand apish
+ways, saying, I know not what, between his chattering jaws. Ah! with
+what affection he studies it, with what study he examines it, in what
+examination he holds it, then throws it, rolls and tosses it about
+with passion, and often, when it is an ape of low extraction and
+intelligence, leaves the nut. As much did the poor innocent who,
+towards the dawn, was obliged to confess to his dear wife that, not
+knowing how to perform his office, or what that office was, or where
+to obtain the said office, it would be necessary for him to inquire
+concerning it, and have help and aid.
+
+“Yes,” said she; “since, unhappily, I cannot instruct you.”
+
+In fact, in spite of their efforts, essay of all kinds--in spite of a
+thousand things which the innocents invent, and which the wise in
+matters of love know nothing about--the pair dropped off to sleep,
+wretched at having been unable to discover the secret of marriage. But
+they wisely agreed to say that they had done so. When the wife got up,
+still a maiden, seeing that she had not been crowned, she boasted of
+her night, and said she had the king of husbands, and went on with her
+chattering and repartee as briskly as those who know nothing of these
+things. Then everyone found the maiden a little too sharp, since for a
+two-edged joke a lady of Roche-Corbon having incited a young maiden,
+de la Bourdaisiere, who knew nothing of such things, to ask the
+bride--
+
+“How many loaves did your husband put in the oven?”
+
+“Twenty-four,” she replied.
+
+Now, as the bridegroom was roaming sadly about, thereby distressing
+his wife, who followed him with her eyes, hoping to see his state of
+innocence come to an end, the ladies believed that the joy of that
+night had cost him dear, and that the said bride was already
+regretting having so quickly ruined him. And at breakfast came the bad
+jokes, which at that time were relished as excellent, one said that
+the bride had an open expression; another, that there had been some
+good strokes of business done that night in the castle; this one, that
+the oven had been burned; that one that the two families have lost
+something that night that they would never find again. And a thousand
+other jokes, stupidities, and double meanings that, unfortunately the
+husband did not understand. But on account of the great affluence of
+the relations, neighbours, and others, no one had been to bed; all had
+danced, rollicked, and frolicked, as is the custom at noble weddings.
+
+At this was quite contented my said Sieur de Braguelongne, upon whom
+my lady of Amboise, excited by the thought of the good things which
+were happening to her daughter, cast the glances of a falcon in
+matters of gallant assignation. The poor Lieutenant civil, learned in
+bailiffs’ men and sergeants, and who nabbed all the pickpockets and
+scamps of Paris, pretended not to see his good fortune, although his
+good lady required him to do. You may be sure this great lady’s love
+weighed heavily upon him, so he only kept to her from a spirit of
+justice, because it was not seeming in a lieutenant judiciary to
+change his mistresses as often as a man at court, because he had under
+his charge morals, the police and religion. This not withstanding his
+rebellion must come to an end. On the day after the wedding a great
+number of the guests departed; then Madame d’Amboise and Monsieur de
+Braguelongne could go to bed, their guests having decamped. Sitting
+down to supper, the lieutenant received a half-verbal summons to which
+it was not becoming, as in legal matters, to oppose any reasons for
+delay.
+
+During supper the said lady d’Amboise made more than a hundred little
+signs in order to draw the good Braguelongne from the room where he
+was with the bride, but out came instead of the lieutenant the
+husband, to walk about in company with the mother of his sweet wife.
+Now, in the mind of this innocent there had sprung up like a mushroom
+an expedient--namely, to interrogate this good lady, whom he
+considered discreet, for remembering the religious precepts of his
+abbot, who had told him to inquire concerning all things of old people
+expert in the ways of life, he thought of confiding his case to the
+said lady d’Amboise. But he made first awkwardly and shyly certain
+twists and turns, finding no terms in which to unfold his case. And
+the lady was also perfectly silent, since she was outrageously struck
+with the blindness, deafness and voluntary paralysis of the lord of
+Braguelongne; and said to herself, walking by the side of this
+delicate morsel, a young innocent of whom she did not think, little
+imagining that this cat so well provided with young bacon could think
+of old--
+
+“This Ho, Ho, with a beard of flies’ legs, a flimsy, old, grey,
+ruined, shaggy beard--beard without comprehension, beard without
+shame, without any feminine respect--beard which pretends neither to
+feel nor to hear, nor to see, a pared away beard, a beaten down,
+disordered, gutted beard. May the Italian sickness deliver me from
+this vile joker with a squashed nose, fiery nose, frozen nose, nose
+without religion, nose dry as a lute table, pale nose, nose without a
+soul, nose which is nothing but a shadow; nose which sees not, nose
+wrinkled like the leaf of a vine; nose that I hate, old nose, nose
+full of mud--dead nose. Where had my eyes been to attach myself to
+truffle nose, to this old hulk that no longer knows his way? I give my
+share to the devil of this juiceless beard, of this grey beard, of
+this monkey face, of these old tatters, of this old rag of a man, of
+this--I know not what; and I’ll take a young husband who’ll marry me
+properly, and . . . and often--every day--and well--”
+
+In this wise train of thought was she when the innocent began his
+anthem to this woman, so warmly excited, who at the first paraphrase
+took fire in her understanding, like a piece of old touchwood from the
+carbine of a soldier; and finding it wise to try her son-in-law, said
+to herself--
+
+“Ah! young beard, sweet scented! Ah! pretty new nose--fresh beard
+--innocent nose--virgin appeared--nose full of joy it--beard of
+springtime, small key of love!”
+
+She kept on talking the round of the garden, which was long, and then
+arranged with the Innocent that, night come, he should sally forth
+from his room and get into hers, where she engaged to render him more
+learned than ever was his father. And the husband was well content,
+and thanked Madame d’Amboise, begging her to say nothing of this
+arrangement.
+
+During this time the good old Braguelongne had been growling and
+saying to himself, “Old ha, ha! old ho, ho! May the plague take thee!
+may a cancer eat thee!--worthless old currycomb! old slipper, too big
+for the foot! old arquebus! ten year old codfish! old spider that
+spins no more! old death with open eyes! old devil’s cradle! vile
+lantern of an old town-crier too! Old wretch whose look kills! old
+moustache of an old theriacler! old wretch to make dead men weep! old
+organ-pedal! old sheath with a hundred knives! old church porch, worn
+out by the knees! old poor-box in which everyone has dropped. I’ll
+give all my future to be quit of thee!” As he finished these gentle
+thoughts the pretty bride, who was thinking of her young husband’s
+great sorrow at not knowing the particulars of that essential item of
+marriage, and not having the slightest idea what it was, thought to
+save him much tribulation, shame, and labour by instructing herself.
+And she counted upon much astonishing and rejoicing him the next night
+when she should say to him, teaching him his duty, “That’s the thing
+my love!” Brought up in great respect of old people by her dear
+dowager, she thought of inquiring of this good man in her sweetest
+manner to distil for her the sweet mysteries of the commerce. Now, the
+lord of Braguelongne, ashamed of being lost in sad contemplation of
+this evening’s work, and of saying nothing to his gay companion, put
+this summary interrogation to the fair bride--“If she was not happy
+with so good a young husband--”
+
+“He is very good,” said she.
+
+“Too good, perhaps,” said the lieutenant smiling.
+
+To be brief, matters were so well arranged between them that the Lord
+engaged to spare no pains to enlighten the understanding of Madame
+d’Amboise’s daughter-in-law, who promised to come and study her lesson
+in his room. The said lady d’Amboise pretended after supper to play
+terrible music in a high key to Monsieur Braguelongne saying that he
+had no gratitude for the blessings she had brought him--her position,
+her wealth, her fidelity, etc. In fact, she talked for half an hour
+without having exhausted a quarter of her ire. From this a hundred
+knives were drawn between them, but they kept the sheaths. Meanwhile
+the spouses in bed were arranging to themselves how to get away, in
+order to please each other. Then the innocent began to say he fell
+quite giddy, he knew not from what, and wanted to go into the open
+air. And his maiden wife told him to take a stroll in the moonlight.
+And then the good fellow began to pity his wife in being left alone a
+moment. At her desire, both of them at different times left their
+conjugal couch and came to their preceptors, both very impatient, as
+you can well believe; and good instruction was given to them. How? I
+cannot say, because everyone has his own method and practice, and of
+all sciences this is the most variable in principle. You may be sure
+that never did scholars receive more gayly the precepts of any
+language, grammar, or lessons whatsoever. And the two spouses returned
+to their nest, delighted at being able to communicate to each other
+the discoveries of their scientific peregrinations.
+
+“Ah, my dear,” said the bride, “you already know more than my master.”
+
+From these curious tests came their domestic joy and perfect fidelity;
+because immediately after their entry into the married state they
+found out how much better each of them was adapted for love than
+anyone else, their masters included. Thus for the remainder of their
+days they kept to the legitimate substance of their own persons; and
+the lord of Montcontour said in old age to his friends--
+
+“Do like me, be cuckolds in the blade, and not in the sheath.”
+
+Which is the true morality of the conjugal condition.
+
+
+
+                       THE DEAR NIGHT OF LOVE
+
+In that winter when commenced that first taking up of arms by those of
+the religion, which was called the Riot of Amboise, an advocate, named
+Avenelles, lent his house, situated in the Rue des Marmousets for the
+interviews and conventions of the Huguenots, being one of them,
+without knowing, however, that the Prince of Conde, La Regnaudie, and
+others, intended to carry off the king.
+
+The said Avenelles wore a nasty red beard, as shiny as a stick of
+liquorice, and was devilishly pale, as are all the rogues who take
+refuge in the darkness of the law; in short, the most evil-minded
+advocate that has ever lived, laughing at the gallows, selling
+everybody, and a true Judas. According to certain authors of a great
+experience in subtle rogues he was in this affair, half knave, half
+fool, as it is abundantly proved by this narrative. This procureur had
+married a very lovely lady of Paris, of whom he was jealous enough to
+kill her for a pleat in the sheets, for which she could not account,
+which would have been wrong, because honest creases are often met
+with. But she folded her clothes very well, so there’s the end of the
+matter. Be assured that, knowing the murderous and evil nature of this
+man, his wife was faithful enough to him, always ready, like a
+candlestick, arranged for her duty like a chest which never moves, and
+opens to order. Nevertheless, the advocate had placed her under the
+guardianship and pursuing eye of an old servant, a duenna as ugly as a
+pot without a handle, who had brought up the Sieur Avenelles, and was
+very fond of him. His poor wife, for all pleasure in her cold domestic
+life, used to go to the Church of St. Jehan, on the Place de Greve,
+where, as everyone knows, the fashionable world was accustomed to
+meet; and while saying her paternosters to God she feasted her eyes
+upon all these gallants, curled, adorned, and starched, young, comely,
+and flitting about like true butterflies, and finished by picking out
+from among the lot a good gentleman, lover of the queen-mother, and a
+handsome Italian, with whom she was smitten because he was in the May
+of his age, nobly dressed, a graceful mover, brave in mien, and was
+all that a lover should be to bestow a heart full of love upon an
+honest married woman too tightly squeezed by the bonds of matrimony,
+which torment her, and always excite her to unharness herself from the
+conjugal yoke. And you can imagine that the young gentleman grew to
+admire Madame, whose silent love spoke secretly to him, without either
+the devil or themselves knowing how. Both one and the other had their
+correspondence of love. At first, the advocate’s wife adorned herself
+only to come to church, and always came in some new sumptuosity; and
+instead of thinking of God, she made God angry by thinking of her
+handsome gentleman, and leaving her prayers, she gave herself up to
+the fire which consumed her heart, and moistened her eyes, her lips,
+and everything, seeing that this fire always dissolves itself in
+water; and often said to herself: “Ha! I would give my life for a
+single embrace with this pretty lover who loves me.” Often, too, in
+place of saying her litanies to Madame the Virgin, she thought in her
+heart: “To feel the glorious youth of this gentle lover, to have the
+full joys of love, to taste all in one moment, little should I mind
+the flames into which the heretics are thrown.” Then the gentleman
+gazing at the charms of this good wife, and her burning blushes when
+he glanced at her, came always close to her stool, and addressed to
+her those requests which the ladies understand so well. Then he said
+aside to himself: “By the double horn on my father, I swear to have
+the woman, though it cost me my life.”
+
+And when the duenna turned her head, the two lovers squeezed, pressed,
+breathed, ate, devoured, and kissed each other by a look which would
+have set light to the match of a musketeer, if the musketeer had been
+there. It was certain that a love so far advanced in the heart should
+have an end. The gentleman dressed as a scholar of Montaign, began to
+regale the clerks of the said Avenelles, and to joke in the company,
+in order to learn the habits of the husband, his hours of absence, his
+journeys, and everything, watching for an opportunity to stick his
+horns on. And this was how, to his injury, the opportunity occurred.
+The advocate, obliged to follow the course of this conspiracy, and, in
+case of failure, intending to revenge himself upon the Guises,
+determined to go to Blois, where the court then was in great danger of
+being carried off. Knowing this, the gentleman came first to the town
+of Blois, and there arranged a master-trap, into which the Sieur
+Avenelles should fall, in spite of his cunning, and not come out until
+steeped in a crimson cuckoldom. The said Italian, intoxicated with
+love, called together all his pages and vassals, and posted them in
+such a manner that on the arrival of the advocate, his wife, and her
+duenna, it was stated to them at all the hostelries at which they
+wished to put up that the hostelry being full, in consequence of the
+sojourn of the court, they must go elsewhere. Then the gentleman made
+such an arrangement with the landlord of the Soleil Royal, that he had
+the whole of the house, and occupied, without any of the usual
+servants of the place remaining there. For greater security, my lord
+sent the said master and his people into the country, and put his own
+in their places, so that the advocate should know nothing of this
+arrangement. Behold my good gentleman who lodges his friends to come
+to the court in the hostelry, and for himself keeps a room situated
+above those in which he intends to put his lovely mistress, her
+advocate, and the duenna, not without first having cut a trap in the
+boards. And his steward being charged to play the part of the
+innkeeper, his pages dressed like guests, and his female servants like
+servants of the inn, he waited for spies to convey to him the dramatis
+personae of this farce--viz., wife, husband, and duenna, none of whom
+failed to come. Seeing the immense wealth of the great lords,
+merchants, warriors, members of the service, and others, brought by
+the sojourn of the young king, of two queens, the Guises, and all the
+court, no one had a right to be astonished or to talk of the roguish
+trap, or of the confusion come to the Soleil Royal. Behold now the
+Sieur Avenelles, on his arrival, bundled about, he, his wife and the
+duenna from inn to inn, and thinking themselves very fortunate in
+being received at the Soleil Royal, where the gallant was getting
+warm, and love was burning. The advocate, being lodged, the lover
+walked about the courtyard, watching and waiting for a glance from the
+lady; and he did not have to wait very long, since the fair Avenelles,
+looking soon into the court, after the custom of the ladies, there
+recognised not without great throbbing of the heart, her gallant and
+well-beloved gentleman. At that she was very happy; and if by a lucky
+chance both had been alone together for an ounce of time, that good
+gentleman would not have had to wait for his good fortune, so burning
+was she from head to foot.
+
+“How warm it is in the rays of this lord,” said she, meaning to say
+sun, since it was then shining fiercely.
+
+Hearing this, the advocate sprang to the window, and beheld my
+gentleman.
+
+“Ha! you want lords, my dear, do you?” said the advocate, dragging her
+by the arm, and throwing her like one of his bags on to the bed.
+“Remember that if I have a pencase at my side instead of a sword, I
+have a penknife in this pencase, and that penknife will go into your
+heart on the least suspicion of conjugal impropriety. I believe I have
+seen that gentleman somewhere.”
+
+The advocate was so terribly spiteful that the lady rose, and said to
+him--
+
+“Well, kill me. I am not afraid of deceiving you. Never touch me
+again, after having thus menaced me. And from to-day I shall never
+think of sleeping save with a lover more gentle than you are.”
+
+“There, there, my little one!” said the advocate, surprised. “We have
+gone a little too far. Kiss me, chick-a-biddy, and forgive me.”
+
+“I will neither kiss nor pardon you,” said she “You are a wretch!”
+
+Avenelles, enraged, wished to take by force that which his wife denied
+him, and from this resulted a combat, from which the husband emerged
+clawed all over. But the worst of it was, that the advocate, covered
+with scratches, being expected by the conspirators, who were holding a
+council, was obliged to quit his good wife, leaving her to the care of
+the old woman.
+
+The knave having departed, the gentleman putting one of his servants
+to keep watch at the corner of the street, mounts to his blessed trap,
+lifts it noiselessly, and calls the lady by a gentle psit! psit! which
+was understood by the heart, which generally understands everything.
+The lady lifts her head, and sees her pretty lover four flea jumps
+above her. Upon a sign, she takes hold of two cords of black silk, to
+which were attached loops, through which she passes her arms, and in
+the twinkling of an eye is translated by two pulleys from her bed
+through the ceiling into the room above, and the trap closing as it
+has opened, left the old duenna in a state of great flabbergastation,
+when, turning her head, she neither saw robe nor woman, and perceived
+that the women had been robbed. How? by whom? in what way? where?
+--Presto! Foro! Magico! As much knew the alchemists at their furnaces
+reading Herr Trippa. Only the old woman knew well the crucible, and
+the great work--the one was cuckoldom, and the other the private
+property of Madame Advocate. She remained dumbfounded, watching for
+the Sieur Avenelles--as well say death, for in his rage he would
+attack everything, and the poor duenna could not run away, because
+with great prudence the jealous man had taken the keys with him. At
+first sight, Madame Avenelles found a dainty supper, a good fire in
+the grate, but a better in the heart of her lover, who seized her, and
+kissed her, with tears of joy, on the eyes first of all, to thank them
+for their sweet glances during devotion at the church of St Jehan en
+Greve. Nor did the glowing better half of the lawyer refuse her little
+mouth to his love, but allowed herself to be properly pressed, adored,
+caressed, delighting to be properly pressed, admirably adored, and
+calorously caressed after the manner of eager lovers. And both agreed
+to be all in all to each other the whole night long, no matter what
+the result might be, she counting the future as a fig in comparison
+with the joys of this night, he relying upon his cunning and his sword
+to obtain many another. In short, both of them caring little for life,
+because at one stroke they consummated a thousand lives, enjoyed with
+each other a thousand delights, giving to each other the double of
+their own--believing, he and she, that they were falling into an
+abyss, and wishing to roll there closely clasped, hurling all the love
+of their souls with rage in one throw. Therein they loved each other
+well. Thus they knew not love, the poor citizens, who live
+mechanically with their good wives, since they know not the fierce
+beating of the heart, the hot gush of life, and the vigorous clasp as
+of two young lovers, closely united and glowing with passion, who
+embrace in face of the danger of death. Now the youthful lady and the
+gentleman ate little supper, but retired early to rest. Let us leave
+them there, since no words, except those of paradise unknown to us,
+would describe their delightful agonies, and agonising delights.
+Meanwhile, the husband, so well cuckolded that all memory of marriage
+had been swept away by love,--the said Avenelles found himself in a
+great fix. To the council of the Huguenots came the Prince of Conde,
+accompanied by all the chiefs and bigwigs, and there it was resolved
+to carry off the queen-mother, the Guises, the young king, the young
+queen, and to change the government. This becoming serious, the
+advocate seeing his head at stake, did not feel the ornaments being
+planted there, and ran to divulge the conspiracy to the cardinal of
+Lorraine, who took the rogue to the duke, his brother, and all three
+held a consultation, making fine promises to the Sieur Avenelles, whom
+with the greatest difficulty they allowed, towards midnight, to
+depart, at which hour he issued secretly from the castle. At this
+moment the pages of the gentleman and all his people were having a
+right jovial supper in honour of the fortuitous wedding of their
+master. Now, arriving at the height of the festivities, in the middle
+of the intoxication and joyous huzzahs, he was assailed with jeers,
+jokes, and laughter that turned him sick when he came into his room.
+The poor servant wished to speak, but the advocate promptly planted a
+blow in her stomach, and by a gesture commanded her to be silent. Then
+he felt in his valise, and took therefrom a good poniard. While he was
+opening and shutting it, a frank, naive, joyous, amorous, pretty,
+celestial roar of laughter, followed by certain words of easy
+comprehension, came down through the trap. The cunning advocate,
+blowing out his candle, saw through the cracks in the boards caused by
+the shrinking of the door a light, which vaguely explained the mystery
+to him, for he recognised the voice of his wife, and that of the
+combatant. The husband took the duenna by the arm, and went softly at
+the stairs searching for the door of the chamber in which were the
+lovers, and did not fail to find it. Fancy! that like a horrid, rude
+advocate, he burst open the door, and with one spring was on the bed,
+in which he surprised his wife, half dressed, in the arms of the
+gentleman.
+
+“Ah!” said she.
+
+The lover having avoided the blow, tried to snatch the poniard from
+the hands of the knave, who held it firmly.
+
+Now, in this struggle of life and death, the husband finding himself
+hindered by his lieutenant, who clutched him tightly with his fingers
+of iron, and bitten by his wife, who tore away at him with a will,
+gnawing him as a dog gnaws a bone, he thought instantly of a better
+way to gratify his rage. Then the devil, newly horned, maliciously
+ordered, in his patois, the servants to tie the lovers with the silken
+cords of the trap, and throwing the poniard away, he helped the duenna
+to make them fast. And the thing thus done in a moment, he rammed some
+linen into their mouths to stop their cries, and ran to his good
+poniard without saying a word. At this moment there entered several
+officers of the Duke of Guise, whom during the struggle no one had
+heard turning the house upside down, looking for the Sieur Avenelles.
+These soldiers, suddenly warned by the cries of the pages of the lord,
+bound, gagged and half killed, threw themselves between the man with
+the poniard and the lovers, disarmed him, and accomplished their
+mission by arresting him, and marching him off to the castle prison,
+he, his wife, and the duenna. At the same time the people of the
+Guises, recognising one of their master’s friends, with whom at this
+moment the queen was most anxious to consult, and whom they were
+enjoined to summon to the council, invited him to come with them. Then
+the gentleman soon untied, dressing himself, said aside to the chief
+of the escort, that on his account, for the love for him, he should be
+careful to keep the husband away from his wife, promising him his
+favour, good advancement, and even a few deniers, if he were careful
+to obey him on this point. And for greater surety he explained to him
+the why and the wherefore of the affair, adding that if the husband
+found himself within reach of this fair lady he would give her for
+certain a blow in the belly from which she would never recover.
+Finally he ordered him to place the lady in the jail of the castle, in
+a pleasant place level with gardens, and the advocate in a safe
+dungeon, not without chaining him hand and foot. The which the said
+office promised, and arranged matters according to the wish of the
+gentleman, who accompanied the lady as far as the courtyard of the
+castle, assuring her that this business would make her a widow, and
+that he would perhaps espouse her in legitimate marriage. In fact, the
+Sieur Avenelles was thrown into a damp dungeon, without air, and his
+pretty wife placed in a room above him, out of consideration for her
+lover, who was the Sieur Scipion Sardini, a noble of Lucca,
+exceedingly rich, and, as has been before stated, a friend of Queen
+Catherine de Medici, who at that time did everything in concert with
+the Guises. Then he went up quickly to the queen’s apartments, where a
+great secret council was then being held, and there the Italian
+learned what was going on, and the danger of the court. Monseigneur
+Sardini found the privy counsellors much embarrassed and surprised at
+this dilemma, but he made them all agree, telling them to turn it to
+their own advantage; and to his advice was due the clever idea of
+lodging the king in the castle of Amboise, in order to catch the
+heretics there like foxes in a bag, and there to slay them all.
+Indeed, everyone knows how the queen-mother and Guises dissimulated,
+and how the Riot of Amboise terminated. This is not, however, the
+subject of the present narrative. When in the morning everyone had
+quitted the chamber of the queen-mother, where everything had been
+arranged, Monseigneur Sardini, in no way oblivious of his love for the
+fair Avenelles, although he was at the time deeply smitten with the
+lovely Limeuil, a girl belonging to the queen-mother, and her relation
+by the house of La Tour de Turenne, asked why the good Judas had been
+caged. Then the Cardinal of Lorraine told him his intention was not in
+any way to harm the rogue, but that fearing his repentance, and for
+greater security of his silence until the end of the affair, he put
+him out of the way, and would liberate him at the proper time.
+
+“Liberate him!” said the Luccanese. “Never! Put him in a sack, and
+throw the old black gown into the Loire. In the first place I know
+him; he is not the man to forgive you his imprisonment, and will
+return to the Protestant Church. Thus this will be a work pleasant to
+God, to rid him of a heretic. Then no one will know your secrets, and
+not one of his adherents will think of asking you what has become of
+him, because he is a traitor. Let me procure the escape of his wife
+and arrange the rest; I will take it off your hands.”
+
+“Ha, ha!” said the cardinal; “you give good council. Now I will,
+before distilling your advice, have them both more securely guarded.
+Hi, there!”
+
+Came an officer of police, who was ordered to let no person whoever he
+might be, communicate with the two prisoners. Then the cardinal begged
+Sardini to say at his hotel that the said advocate had departed from
+Blois to return to his causes in Paris. The men charged with the
+arrest of the advocate had received a verbal order to treat him as a
+man of importance, so they neither stripped nor robbed him. Now the
+advocate had kept thirty gold crowns in his purse, and resolved to
+lose them all to assure his vengeance, and proved by good arguments to
+the jailers that it was allowable for him to see his wife, on whom he
+doted, and whose legitimate embrace he desired. Monseigneur Sardini,
+fearing for his mistress the danger of the proximity of this red
+learned rogue, and for her having great fear of certain evils,
+determined to carry her off in the night, and put her in a place of
+safety. Then he hired some boatmen and also their boat, placing them
+near the bridge, and ordered three of his most active servants to file
+the bars of the cell, seize the lady, and conduct her to the wall of
+the gardens where he would await her.
+
+These preparations being made, and good files bought, he obtained an
+interview in the morning with the queen-mother, whose apartments were
+situated above the stronghold in which lay the said advocate and his
+wife, believing that the queen would willingly lend herself to this
+flight. Presently he was received by her, and begged her not to think
+it wrong that, at the instigation of the cardinal and of the Duke of
+Guise, he should deliver this lady; and besides this, urged her very
+strongly to tell the cardinal to throw the man into the water. To
+which the queen said “Amen.” Then the lover sent quickly to his lady a
+letter in a plate of cucumbers, to advise her of her approaching
+widowhood, and the hour of flight, with all of which was the fair
+citizen well content. Then at dusk the soldiers of the watch being got
+out of the way by the queen, who sent them to look at a ray of the
+moon, which frightened her, behold the servants raised the grating,
+and caught the lady, who came quickly enough, and was led through the
+house to Monseigneur Sardini.
+
+But the postern closed, and the Italian outside with the lady, behold
+the lady throw aside her mantle, see the lady change into an advocate,
+and see my said advocate seize his cuckolder by the collar, and half
+strangle him, dragging him towards the water to throw him to the
+bottom of the Loire; and Sardini began to defend himself, to shout,
+and to struggle, without being able, in spite of his dagger, to shake
+off this devil in long robes. Then he was quiet, falling into a slough
+under the feet of the advocate, whom he recognised through the mists
+of this diabolical combat, and by the light of the moon, his face
+splashed with the blood of his wife. The enraged advocate quitted the
+Italian, believing him to be dead, and also because servants armed
+with torches, came running up. But he had to jump into the boat and
+push off in great haste.
+
+Thus poor Madame Avenelles died alone, since Monseigneur Sardini,
+badly strangled, was found, and revived from this murder; and later,
+as everyone knows, married the fair Limeuil after this sweet girl had
+been brought to bed in the queen’s cabinet--a great scandal, which
+from friendship the queen-mother wished to conceal, and which from
+great love Sardini, to whom Catherine gave the splendid estate of
+Chaumont-sur-Loire, and also the castle, covered with marriage.
+
+But he had been so brutally used by the husband, that he did not make
+old bones, and the fair Limeuil was left a widow in her springtime. In
+spite of his misdeeds the advocate was not searched after. He was
+cunning enough eventually to get included in the number of those
+conspirators who were not prosecuted, and returned to the Huguenots,
+for whom he worked hard in Germany.
+
+Poor Madame Avenelles, pray for her soul! for she was hurled no one
+knew where, and had neither the prayers of the Church nor Christian
+burial. Alas! shed a tear for her, ye ladies lucky in your loves.
+
+
+
+              THE SERMON OF THE MERRY VICAR OF MEUDON
+
+When, for the last time, came Master Francis Rabelais, to the court of
+King Henry the Second of the name, it was in that winter when the will
+of nature compelled him to quit for ever his fleshly garb, and live
+forever in his writings resplendent with that good philosophy to which
+we shall always be obliged to return. The good man had, at that time,
+counted as nearly as possible seventy flights of the swallow. His
+Homeric head was but scantily ornamented with hair, but his beard was
+still perfect in its flowing majesty; there was still an air of
+spring-time in his quiet smile, and wisdom on his ample brow. He was a
+fine old man according to the statement of those who had the happiness
+to gaze upon his face, to which Socrates and Aristophanes, formerly
+enemies, but then become friends, contributed their features. Hearing
+his last hours tinkling in his ears he determined to go and pay his
+respects to the king of France, because he was having just at that
+time arrived in his castle of Tournelles, the good man’s house being
+situated in the gardens of St Paul, was not a stone’s throw distant
+from the court. He soon found himself in the presence of Queen
+Catherine, Madame Diana, whom she received from motives of policy, the
+king, the constable, the cardinals of Lorraine and Bellay, Messieurs
+de Guise, the Sieur de Birague, and other Italians, who at that time
+stood well at court in consequence of the king’s protection; the
+admiral, Montgomery, the officers of the household, and certain poets,
+such as Melin de St. Gelays, Philibert de l’Orme, and the Sieur
+Brantome.
+
+Perceiving the good man, the king, who knew his wit, said to him, with
+a smile, after a short conversation--
+
+“Hast thou ever delivered a sermon to thy parishioners of Meudon?”
+
+Master Rabelais, thinking that the king was joking, since he had never
+troubled himself further about his post than to collect the revenues
+accruing from it, replied--
+
+“Sire, my listeners are in every place, and my sermon heard throughout
+Christendom.”
+
+Then glancing at all the courtiers, who, with the exception of
+Messieurs du Bellay and Chatillon, considered him to be nothing but a
+learned merry-andrew, while he was really the king of all wits, and a
+far better king than he whose crown only the courtiers venerate, there
+came into the good man’s head the malicious idea to philosophically
+pump over their heads, just as it pleased Gargantua to give the
+Parisians a bath from the turrets of Notre Dame, so he added--
+
+“If you are in a good humour, sire, I can regale you with a capital
+little sermon, always appropriate, and which I have kept under the
+tympanum of my left ear in order to deliver it in a fit place, by way
+of an aulic parable.”
+
+“Gentlemen,” said the king, “Master Francis Rabelais has the floor of
+the court, and our salvation is concerned in his speech. Be silent, I
+pray you, and give heed; he is fruitful in evangelical drolleries.”
+
+“Sire,” said the good vicar, “I commence.”
+
+All the courtiers became silent, and arranged themselves into a
+circle, pliant as osiers before the father of Pantagruel who unfolded
+to them the following tale, in words the illustrious eloquence of
+which it is impossible to equal. But since this tale has only been
+verbally handed down to us, the author will be pardoned if he write
+after his own fashion.
+
+“In his old age Gargantua took to strange habits, which greatly
+astonished his household, but the which he was forgiven since he was
+seven hundred and four years old, in spite of the statement of St.
+Clement of Alexandra in his Stromates, which makes out that at this
+time he was a quarter of a day less, which matters little to us. Now
+this paternal master, seeing that everything was going wrong in his
+house, and that every one was fleecing him, conceived a great fear
+that he would in his last moments be stripped of everything, and
+resolved to invent a more perfect system of management in his domains,
+and he did well. In a cellar of Gargantuan abode he hid away a fine
+heap of red wheat, beside twenty jars of mustard and several
+delicacies, such as plums and Tourainian rolls, articles of a dessert,
+Olivet cheese, goat cheese, and others, well known between Langeais
+and Loches, pots of butter, hare pasties, preserved ducks, pigs’
+trotters in bran, boatloads and pots full of crushed peas, pretty
+little pots of Orleans quince preserve, hogsheads of lampreys,
+measures of green sauce, river game, such as francolins, teal,
+sheldrake, heron, and flamingo, all preserved in sea-salt, dried
+raisins, tongues smoked in the manner invented by Happe-Mousche, his
+celebrated ancestor, and sweetstuff for Garga-melle on feast days; and
+a thousand other things which are detailed in the records of the
+Ripuary laws and in certain folios of the Capitularies, Pragmatics,
+royal establishments, ordinances and institutions of the period. To be
+brief, the good man, putting his spectacles on his nose or his nose in
+his spectacles, looked about for a fine flying dragon or unicorn to
+whom the guard of this precious treasure could be committed. With this
+thought in his head he strolled about the gardens. He did not desire a
+Coquecigrue, because the Egyptians were afraid of them, as it appeared
+in the Hieroglyphics. He dismissed the idea of engaging the legions of
+Caucquemarres, because emperors disliked them and also the Romans
+according to that sulky fellow Tacitus. He rejected the Pechrocholiers
+in council assembled, the Magi, the Druids, the legion or Papimania,
+and the Massorets, who grew like quelch-grass and over-ran all the
+land, as he had been told by his son, Pantagruel, on his return from
+his journey. The good man calling to mind old stories, had no
+confidence in any race, and if it had been permissible would have
+implored the Creator for a new one, but not daring to trouble Him
+about such trifles, did not know whom to choose, and was thinking that
+his wealth would be a great trouble to him, when he met in his path a
+pretty little shrew-mouse of the noble race of shrew-mice, who bear
+all gules on an azure ground. By the gods! be sure that it was a
+splendid animal, with the finest tail of the whole family, and was
+strutting about in the sun like a brave shrew-mouse. It was proud of
+having been in this world since the Deluge, according to
+letters-patent of indisputable nobility, registered by the parliament
+of the universe, since it appears from the Ecumenical Inquiry a
+shrew-mouse was in Noah’s Ark.” Here Master Alcofribas raised his cap
+slightly, and said, reverently, “It was Noah, my lords, who planted
+the vine, and first had the honour of getting drunk upon the juice of
+its fruit.”
+
+“For it is certain,” he continued, “that a shrew-mouse was in the
+vessel from which we all came; but the men have made bad marriages;
+not so the mice, because they are more jealous of their coat of arms
+than any other animals, and would not receive a field-mouse among
+them, even though he had the especial gift of being able to convert
+grains of sand to fine fresh hazelnuts. This fine gentlemanly
+character so pleased the good Gargantua, that he decided to give the
+post of watching his granaries to the shrew-mouse, with the most ample
+of powers--of justice, comittimus, missi dominici, clergy,
+men-at-arms, and all. The shrew-mouse promised faithfully to
+accomplish his task, and to do his duty as a loyal beast, on condition
+that he lived on a heap of grain, which Gargantua thought perfectly
+fair. The shrew-mouse began to caper about in his domain as happy as a
+prince who is happy, reconnoitering his immense empire of mustard,
+countries of sugar, provinces of ham, duchies of raisins, counties of
+chitterlings, and baronies of all sorts, scrambling on to the heap of
+grain and frisking his tail against everything. To be brief, everywhere
+was the shrew-mouse received with honour by the pots, which kept a
+respectful silence, except two golden tankards, which knocked against
+each other like the bells of a church ringing a tocsin, at which he was
+much pleased, and thanked them, right and left, by a nod of the head,
+while promenading in the rays of the sun, which were illuminating his
+domain. Therein so splendidly did the brown colour of his hair shine
+forth, that one would have thought him a northern king in his sable
+furs. After his twists, turns, jumps and capers, he munched two grains
+of corn, sat upon the heap like a king in full court, and fancied
+himself the most illustrious of shrew-mice. At this moment they came
+from their accustomed holes the gentlemen of the night-prowling court,
+who scamper with their little feet across the floors; these gentlemen
+being the rats, mice, and other gnawing, thieving, and crafty animals,
+of whom the citizens and housewives complain. When they saw the
+shrew-mouse they took fright, and all remained shyly at the threshold
+of their dens. Among these common people, in spite of the danger, one
+old infidel of the trotting, nibbling race of mice, advanced a little,
+and putting his nose in the air, had the courage to stare my lord
+shrew-mouse full in the face, although the latter was proudly squatted
+upon his rump, with his tail in the air; and he came to the conclusion
+that he was a devil, from whom nothing but scratches were to be gained.
+And from these facts, Gargantua, in order that the high authority of
+his lieutenant might be universally known by all of the shrew-mice,
+cats, weasels, martins, field-mice, mice, rats, and other bad characters
+of the same kidney, had lightly dipped his muzzle, pointed as a larding
+pin, in oil of musk, which all shrew-mice have since inherited,
+because this one, is spite of the sage advice of Gargantua, rubbed
+himself against others of his breed. From this sprang the troubles in
+the Muzaraignia of which I will give you a good account in an
+historical book when I get an opportunity.
+
+“Then an old mouse, or rat--the rabbis of Talmud have not yet agreed
+concerning the species--perceiving by this perfume that this
+shrew-mouse was appointed to guard the grain of Gargantua, and had
+been sprinkled with virtues, invested with full powers, and armed at
+all points, was alarmed lest he should no longer be able to live,
+according to the custom of mice, upon the meats, morsels, crusts,
+crumbs, leavings, bits, atoms, and fragments of this Canaan of rats.
+In this dilemma the good mouse, artful as an old courtier who had
+lived under two regencies and three kings, resolved to try the mettle
+of the shrew-mouse, and devote himself to the salvation of the jaws of
+his race. This would have been a laudable thing in a man, but it was
+far more so in a mouse, belonging to a tribe who live for themselves
+alone, barefacedly and shamelessly, and in order to gratify themselves
+would defile a consecrated wafer, gnaw a priest’s stole without shame,
+and would drink out of a Communion cup, caring nothing for God. The
+mouse advanced with many a bow and scrape, and the shrew-mouse let him
+advance rather near--for, to tell the truth, these animals are
+naturally short-sighted. Then this Curtius of nibblers made his little
+speech, not the jargon of common mice, but in the polite language of
+shrew-mice:--‘My lord, I have heard with much concern of your glorious
+family, of which I am one of the most devoted slaves. I know the
+legend of your ancestors, who were thought much of by the ancient
+Egyptians, who held them in great veneration, and adored them like
+other sacred birds. Nevertheless, your fur robe is so royally
+perfumed, and its colour is so splendiferously tanned, that I am
+doubtful if I recognise you as belonging to this race, since I have
+never seen any of them so gloriously attired. However you have
+swallowed the grain after the antique fashion. Your proboscis is a
+proboscis of sapience; you have kicked like a learned shrew-mouse; but
+if you are a true shrew-mouse, you should have in I know not what part
+of your ear--I know not what special auditorial channel, which I know
+not, what wonderful door, closes I know not how, and I know not with
+what movements, by your secret commands to give you, I know not why,
+licence not to listen to I know not what things, which would be
+displeasing to you, on account of the special and peculiar perfection
+of your faculty of hearing everything, which would often pain you.”
+
+“‘True,’ said the shrew-mouse, ‘the door has just fallen. I hear
+nothing!’
+
+“‘Ah, I see,’ said the old rogue.
+
+“And he made for the pile of corn, from which he commenced to take his
+store for the winter.
+
+“‘Did you hear anything?’ asked he.
+
+“‘I hear the pit-a-pat of my heart.’
+
+“‘Kouick!’ cried all the mice; ‘we shall be able to hoodwink him.’
+
+“The shrew-mouse, fancying that he had met with a faithful vassal,
+opened the trap of his musical orifice, and heard the noise of the
+grain going towards the hole. Then, without having recourse to
+forfeiture, the justice of commissaries, he sprang upon the old mouse
+and squeezed him to death. Glorious death! for the hero died in the
+thick of the grain, and was canonised as a martyr. The shrew-mouse
+took him by the ears and placed him on the door the granary, after the
+fashion of the Ottoman Porte, where my good Panurge was within an ace
+of being spitted. At the cries of the dying wretch the rats, mice, and
+others made for their holes in great haste. When the night had fallen
+they came to the cellar, convoked for the purpose of holding a council
+to consider public affairs; to which meeting, in virtue of the
+Papyrian and other laws, their lawful wives were admitted. The rats
+wished to pass before the mice, and serious quarrels about precedence
+nearly spoiled everything; but a big rat gave his arm to a mouse, and
+the gaffer rats and gammer mice being paired off in the same way, all
+were soon seated on their rumps, tails in air, muzzles stretched,
+whiskers stiff, and their eyes brilliant as those of a falcon. Then
+commenced a deliberation, which finished up with insults and a
+confusion worthy of an ecumenical council of holy fathers. One said
+this and another said that, and a cat passing by took fright and ran
+away, hearing these strange noises: ‘Bou, bou, grou, ou, ou, houic,
+houic, briff, briffnac, nac, nac, fouix, fouix, trr, trr, trr, trr,
+za, za, zaaa, brr, brr, raaa, ra, ra, ra, fouix!’ so well blended
+together in a babel of sound, that a council at the Hotel de Ville
+could not have made a greater hubbub. During this tempest a little
+mouse, who was not old enough to enter parliament, thrust through a
+chink her inquiring snout, the hair on which was as downy as that of
+all mice, too downy to be caught. As the tumult increased, by degrees
+her body followed her nose, until she came to the hoop of a cask,
+against which she so dextrously squatted that she might have been
+mistaken for a work of art carved in antique bas-relief. Lifting his
+eyes to heaven to implore a remedy for the misfortunes of the state,
+an old rat perceived this pretty mouse, so gentle and shapely, and
+declared that the State might be saved by her. All the muzzles turned
+to this Lady of Good Help, became silent, and agreed to let her loose
+upon the shrew-mouse, and in spite of the anger of certain envious
+mice, she was triumphantly marched around the cellar, where, seeing
+her walk mincingly, mechanically move her tail, shake her cunning
+little head, twitch her diaphanous ears, and lick with her little red
+tongue the hairs just sprouting on her cheeks, the old rats fell in
+love with her and wagged their wrinkled, white-whiskered jaws with
+delight at the sight of her, as did formerly the old men of Troy,
+admiring the lovely Helen, returning from her bath. Then the maiden
+was conducted to the granary, with instructions to make a conquest of
+the shrew-mouse’s heart, and save the fine red grain, as did formerly
+the fair Hebrew, Esther, for the chosen people, with the Emperor
+Ahasuerus, as is written in the master-book, for Bible comes from the
+Greek word biblos, as if to say the only book. The mouse promised to
+deliver the granaries, for by a lucky chance she was the queen of
+mice, a fair, plump, pretty little mouse, the most delicate little
+lady that ever scampered merrily across the floors, scratched between
+the walls, and gave utterance to little cries of joy at finding nuts,
+meal, and crumbs of bread in her path; a true fay, pretty and playful,
+with an eye clear as crystal, a little head, sleek skin, amorous body,
+rosy feet, and velvet tail--a high born mouse and a polished speaker
+with a natural love of bed and idleness--a merry mouse, more cunning
+than an old Doctor of Sorbonne fed on parchment, lively, white
+bellied, streaked on the back, with sweet moulded breasts, pearl-white
+teeth, and of a frank open nature--in fact, a true king’s morsel.”
+
+This portraiture was so bold--the mouse appearing to have been the
+living image of Madame Diana, then present--that the courtiers stood
+aghast. Queen Catherine smiled, but the king was in no laughing
+humour. But Rabelais went on without paying any attention to the winks
+of the Cardinal Bellay and de Chatillon, who were terrified for the
+good man.
+
+“The pretty mouse,” said he, continuing, “did not beat long about the
+bush, and from the first moment that she trotted before the
+shrew-mouse, she had enslaved him for ever by her coquetries,
+affectations, friskings, provocations, little refusals, piercing
+glances, and wiles of a maiden who desires yet dares not, amorous
+oglings, little caresses, preparatory tricks, pride of a mouse who
+knows her value, laughings and squeakings, triflings and other
+endearments, feminine, treacherous and captivating ways, all traps
+which are abundantly used by the females of all nations. When, after
+many wrigglings, smacks in the face, nose lickings, gallantries of
+amorous shrew-mice, frowns, sighs, serenades, titbits, suppers and
+dinners on the pile of corn, and other attentions, the superintendent
+overcame the scruples of his beautiful mistress, he became the slave
+of this incestuous and illicit love, and the mouse, leading her lord
+by the snout, became queen of everything, nibbled his cheese, ate the
+sweets, and foraged everywhere. This the shrew-mouse permitted to the
+empress of his heart, although he was ill at ease, having broken his
+oath made to Gargantua, and betrayed the confidence placed in him.
+Pursuing her advantage with the pertinacity of a woman, one night they
+were joking together, the mouse remembered the dear old fellow her
+father, and desiring that he should make his meals off the grain, she
+threatened to leave her lover cold and lonely in his domain if he did
+not allow her to indulge her filial piety. In the twinkling of a
+mouse’s eye he had granted letters patent, sealed with a green seal,
+with tags of crimson silk, to his wench’s father, so that the
+Gargantuan palace was open to him at all hours, and he was at liberty
+see his good, virtuous daughter, kiss her on the forehead, and eat his
+fill, but always in a corner. Then there arrived a venerable old rat,
+weighing about twenty-five ounces, with a white tail, marching like the
+president of a Court of Justice, wagging his head, and followed by
+fifteen or twenty nephews, all with teeth as sharp as saws, who
+demonstrated to the shrew-mouse by little speeches and questions of all
+kinds that they, his relations, would soon be loyally attached to him,
+and would help him to count the things committed to his charge, arrange
+and ticket them, in order that when Gargantua came to visit them he
+would find everything in perfect order. There was an air of truth about
+these promises. The poor shrew-mouse was, however, in spite of this
+speech, troubled by ideas from on high, and serious pricking of
+shrew-mousian conscience. Seeing that he turned up his nose at
+everything, went about slowly and with a careworn face, one morning the
+mouse who was pregnant by him, conceived the idea of calming his doubts
+and easing his mind by a Sorbonnical consultation, and sent for the
+doctors of his tribe. During the day she introduced to him one, Sieur
+Evegault, who had just stepped out of a cheese where he lived in perfect
+abstinence, an old confessor of high degree, a merry fellow of good
+appearance, with a fine black skin, firm as a rock, and slightly
+tonsured on the head by the pat of a cat’s claw. He was a grave rat,
+with a monastical paunch, having much studied scientific authorities
+by nibbling at their works in parchments, papers, books and volumes of
+which certain fragments had remained upon his grey beard. In honour of
+and great reverence for his great virtue and wisdom, and his modest
+life, he was accompanied by a black troop of black rats, all bringing
+with them pretty little mice, their sweethearts, for not having
+adopted the canons of the council of Chesil, it was lawful for them to
+have respectable women for concubines. These beneficed rats, being
+arranged in two lines, you might have fancied them a procession of the
+university authorities going to Lendit. And they all began to sniff
+the victuals.
+
+“When the ceremony of placing them all was complete, the old cardinal
+of the rats lifted up his voice, and in a good rat-latin oration
+pointed out to the guardian of the grain that no one but God was
+superior to him; and that to God alone he owed obedience, and he
+entertained him with many fine phrases, stuffed with evangelical
+quotations, to disturb the principal and fog his flock; in fact, fine
+argument interlarded with much sound sense. The discourse finished
+with a peroration full of high sounding words in honour of shrew-mice,
+among whom his hearer was the most illustrious and best beneath the
+sun; and this oration considerably bewildered the keeper of the
+granary.
+
+“This good gentleman’s head was thoroughly turned, and he installed
+this fine speaking rat and his tribe in his manor, where night and day
+his praises and little songs in his honour were sung, not forgetting
+his lady, whose little paw was kissed and little tail was sniffed at
+by all. Finally, the mistress, knowing that certain young rats were
+still fasting, determined to finish her work. Then she kissed her lord
+tenderly, loading him with love, and performing those little endearing
+antics of which one alone was sufficient to send a beast to perdition;
+and said to the shrew-mouse that he wasted the precious time due to
+their love by travelling about, that he was always going here or
+there, and that she never had her proper share of him; that when she
+wanted his society, he was on the leads chasing the cats, and that she
+wished him always to be ready to her hand like a lance, and kind as a
+bird. Then in her great grief she tore out a grey hair, declaring
+herself, weepingly, to be the most wretched little mouse in the world.
+The shrew-mouse pointed out to her that she was the mistress of
+everything, and wished to resist, but after the lady had shed a
+torrent of tears he implored a truce and considered her request. Then
+instantly drying her tears, and giving him her paw to kiss, she
+advised him to arm some soldiers, trusty and tried rats, old warriors,
+who would go the rounds to keep watch. Everything was thus wisely
+arranged. The shrew-mouse had the rest of the day to dance, play, and
+amuse himself, listen to the roundelays and ballads which the poets
+composed in his honour, play the lute and the mandore, make acrostics,
+eat, drink and be merry. One day his mistress having just risen from
+her confinement, after having given birth to the sweetest little
+mouse-sorex or sorex-mouse, I know not what name was given to this
+mongrel food of love, whom you may be sure, the gentlemen in the long
+robe would manage to legitimise” (the constable of Montmorency, who
+had married his son to a legitimised bastard of the king’s, here put
+his hand to his sword and clutched the handle fiercely), “a grand
+feast was given in the granaries, to which no court festival or gala
+could be compared, not even that of the Field of the Cloth of Gold. In
+every corner mice were making merry. Everywhere there were dances,
+concerts, banquets, sarabands, music, joyous songs, and epithalamia.
+The rats had broken open the pots, and uncovered the jars, lapped the
+gallipots, and unpacked the stores. The mustard was strewn over the
+place, the hams were mangled and the corn scattered. Everything was
+rolling, tumbling, and falling about the floor, and the little rats
+dabbled in puddles of green sauce, the mice navigated oceans of
+sweetmeats, and the old folks carried off the pasties. There were mice
+astride salt tongues. Field-mice were swimming in the pots, and the
+most cunning of them were carrying the corn into their private holes,
+profiting by the confusion to make ample provision for themselves. No
+one passed the quince confection of Orleans without saluting it with
+one nibble, and oftener with two. It was like a Roman carnival. In
+short, anyone with a sharp ear might have heard the frizzling
+frying-pans, the cries and clamours of the kitchens, the crackling of
+their furnaces, the noise of the turnspits, the creaking of baskets,
+the haste of the confectioners, the click of the meat-jacks, and the
+noise of the little feet scampering thick as hail over the floor. It
+was a bustling wedding-feast, where people come and go, footmen,
+stablemen, cooks, musicians, buffoons, where everyone pays compliments
+and makes a noise. In short, so great was the delight that they kept
+up a general wagging of the head to celebrate this eventful night. But
+suddenly there was heard the horrible foot-fall of Gargantua, who was
+ascending the stairs of his house to visit the granaries, and made the
+planks, the beams, and everything else tremble. Certain old rats asked
+each other what might mean this seignorial footstep, with which they
+were unacquainted, and some of them decamped, and they did well, for
+the lord and master entered suddenly. Perceiving the confusion these
+gentleman had made, seeing his preserves eaten, his mustard unpacked,
+and everything dirtied and scratched about, he put his feet upon these
+lively vermin without giving them time to squeak, and thus spoiled
+their best clothes, satins, pearls, velvets, and rubbish, and upset
+the feast.”
+
+“And what became of the shrew-mouse?” said the king, waking from his
+reverie.
+
+“Ah, sire!” replied Rabelais, “herein we see the injustice of the
+Gargantuan tribe. He was put to death, but being a gentleman he was
+beheaded. That was ill done, for he had been betrayed.”
+
+“You go rather far, my good man,” said the king.
+
+“No sire,” replied Rabelais, “but rather high. Have you not sunk the
+crown beneath the pulpit? You asked me for a sermon; I have given you
+one which is gospel.”
+
+“My fine vicar,” said Madame Diana, in his ear, “suppose I were
+spiteful?”
+
+“Madame,” said Rabelais, “was it not well then of me to warn the king,
+your master, against the queen’s Italians, who are as plentiful here
+as cockchafers?”
+
+“Poor preacher,” said Cardinal Odet, in his ear, “go to another
+country.”
+
+“Ah! monsieur,” replied the old fellow, “ere long I shall be in
+another land.”
+
+“God’s truth! Mr. Scribbler,” said the constable (whose son, as
+everyone knows, had treacherously deserted Mademoiselle de Piennes, to
+whom he was betrothed, to espouse Diana of France, daughter of the
+mistress of certain high personages and of the king), “who made thee
+so bold as to slander persons of quality? Ah, wretched poet, you like
+to raise yourself high; well then, I promise to put you in a good high
+place.”
+
+“We shall all go there, my lord constable,” replied the old man: “but
+if you are friendly to the state and to the king you will thank me for
+having warned him against the hordes of Lorraine, who are evils that
+will devour everything.”
+
+“My good man,” whispered Cardinal Charles of Lorraine, “if you need a
+few gold crowns to publish your fifth book of Pantagruel you can come
+to me for them, because you have put the case clearly to the enemy,
+who has bewitched the king, and also to her pack.”
+
+“Well, gentlemen,” said the king, “what do you think of the sermon?”
+
+“Sire,” said Mellin de Saint-Gelais, seeing that all were well
+pleased, “I had never heard a better Pantagruelian prognostication.
+Much do we owe to him who made these leonine verses in the Abbey of
+Theleme:--
+
+
+  ‘“Cy vous entrez, qui le saint Evangile
+    En sens agile annoncez, quoy qu’on gronde,
+    Ceans aurez une refuge et bastile,
+    Contre l’hostile erreur qui tant postille
+    Par son faux style empoisonner le monde.’”
+
+ [’”Should ye who enter here profess in jubilation
+    Our gospel of elation, then suffer dolts to curse!
+    Here refuge shall ye find, and sure circumvallation
+    Against the protestation of those whose delectation
+    Brings false abomination to blight the universe.’”]
+
+
+All the courtiers having applauded their companion, each one
+complimented Rabelais, who took his departure accompanied with great
+honour by the king’s pages, who, by express command held torches
+before him.
+
+Some persons have charged Francis Rabelais, the imperial honour of our
+land, with spiteful tricks and apish pranks, unworthy of his Homeric
+philosophy, of this prince of wisdom of this fatherly centre, from
+which have issued since the rising of his subterranean light a good
+number of marvellous works. Out upon those who would defile this
+divine head! All their life long may they find grit between their
+teeth, those who have ignored his good and moderate nourishment.
+
+Dear drinker of pure water, faithful servant or monachal abstinence,
+wisest of wise men, how would thy sides ache with laughter, how
+wouldst thou chuckle, if thou couldst come again for a little while to
+Chinon, and read the idiotic mouthings, and the maniacal babble of the
+fools who have interpreted, commentated, torn, disgraced,
+misunderstood, betrayed, defiled, adulterated and meddled with thy
+peerless book. As many dogs as Panurge found busy with his lady’s robe
+at church, so many two-legged academic puppies have busied themselves
+with befouling the high marble pyramid in which is cemented for ever
+the seed of all fantastic and comic inventions, besides magnificent
+instruction in all things. Although rare are the pilgrims who have the
+breath to follow thy bark in its sublime peregrination through the
+ocean of ideas, methods, varieties, religions, wisdom, and human
+trickeries, at least their worship is unalloyed, pure, and
+unadulterated, and thine omnipotence, omniscience, and omni-language
+are by them bravely recognised. Therefore has a poor son of our merry
+Touraine here been anxious, however unworthily, to do thee homage by
+magnifying thine image, and glorifying the works of eternal memory, so
+cherished by those who love the concentrative works wherein the
+universal moral is contained, wherein are found, pressed like sardines
+in their boxes, philosophical ideas on every subject, science, art and
+eloquence, as well as theatrical mummeries.
+
+
+
+                            THE SUCCUBUS
+
+
+Prologue
+
+A number of persons of the noble country of Touraine, considerably
+edified by the warm search which the author is making into the
+antiquities, adventures, good jokes, and pretty tales of that blessed
+land, and believing for certain that he should know everything, have
+asked him (after drinking with him of course understood), if he had
+discovered the etymological reason, concerning which all the ladies of
+the town are so curious, and from which a certain street in Tours is
+called the Rue Chaude. By him it was replied, that he was much
+astonished to see that the ancient inhabitants had forgotten the great
+number of convents situated in this street, where the severe
+continence of the monks and nuns might have caused the walls to be
+made so hot that some woman of position should increase in size from
+walking too slowly along them to vespers. A troublesome fellow,
+wishing to appear learned, declared that formerly all the
+scandalmongers of the neighbourhood were wont to meet in this place.
+Another entangled himself in the minute suffrages of science, and
+poured forth golden words without being understood, qualifying words,
+harmonising the melodies of the ancient and modern, congregating
+customs, distilling verbs, alchemising all languages since the Deluge,
+of the Hebrew, Chaldeans, Egyptians, Greeks, Latins, and of Turnus,
+the ancient founder of Tours; and the good man finished by declaring
+that chaude or chaulde with the exception of the H and the L, came
+from Cauda, and that there was a tail in the affair, but the ladies
+only understood the end of it. An old man observed that in this same
+place was formerly a source of thermal water, of which his great great
+grandfather had drunk. In short, in less time than it takes a fly to
+embrace its sweetheart, there had been a pocketful of etymologies, in
+which the truth of the matter had been less easily found than a louse
+in the filthy beard of a Capuchin friar. But a man well learned and
+well informed, through having left his footprint in many monasteries,
+consumed much midnight oil, and manured his brain with many a volume
+--himself more encumbered with pieces, dyptic fragments, boxes,
+charters, and registers concerning the history of Touraine than is a
+gleaner with stalks of straw in the month of August--this man, old,
+infirm, and gouty, who had been drinking in his corner without saying
+a word, smiled the smile of a wise man and knitted his brows, the said
+smile finally resolving itself into a pish! well articulated, which
+the Author heard and understood it to be big with an adventure
+historically good, the delights of which he would be able to unfold in
+this sweet collection.
+
+To be brief, on the morrow this gouty old fellow said to him, “By your
+poem, which is called ‘The Venial Sin,’ you have forever gained my
+esteem, because everything therein is true from head to foot--which I
+believe to be a precious superabundance in such matters. But doubtless
+you do not know what became of the Moor placed in religion by the said
+knight, Bruyn de la Roche-Corbon. I know very well. Now if this
+etymology of the street harass you, and also the Egyptian nun, I will
+lend you a curious and antique parchment, found by me in the Olim of
+the episcopal palace, of which the libraries were a little knocked
+about at a period when none of us knew if he would have the pleasure
+of his head’s society on the morrow. Now will not this yield you a
+perfect contentment?”
+
+“Good!” said the author.
+
+Then this worthy collector of truths gave certain rare and dusty
+parchments to the author, the which he has, not without great labour,
+translated into French, and which were fragments of a most ancient
+ecclesiastical process. He has believed that nothing would be more
+amusing than the actual resurrection of this antique affair, wherein
+shines forth the illiterate simplicity of the good old times. Now,
+then, give ear. This is the order in which were the manuscripts, of
+which the author has made use in his own fashion, because the language
+was devilishly difficult.
+
+
+I
+WHAT THE SUCCUBUS WAS.
+
+_In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen._
+
+In the year of our Lord, one thousand two hundred and seventy-one,
+before me, Hierome Cornille, grand inquisitor and ecclesiastical judge
+(thereto commissioned by the members of the chapter of Saint Maurice,
+the cathedral of Tours, having of this deliberated in the presence of
+our Lord Jean de Montsoreau, archbishop--namely, the grievances and
+complaints of the inhabitants of the said town, whose request is here
+subjoined), have appeared certain noblemen, citizens, and inhabitants
+of the diocese, who have stated the following facts concerning a demon
+suspected of having taken the features of a woman, who has much
+afflicted the minds of the diocese, and is at present a prisoner in
+the jail of the chapter; and in order to arrive at the truth of the
+said charge we have opened the present court, this Monday, the
+eleventh day of December, after mass, to communicate the evidence of
+each witness to the said demon, to interrogate her upon the said
+crimes to her imputed, and to judge her according to the laws enforced
+_contra demonios_.
+
+In this inquiry has assisted me to write the evidence therein given,
+Guillaume Tournebouche, rubrican of the chapter, a learned man.
+
+
+Firstly has come before us one Jehan, surnamed Tortebras, a citizen of
+Tours, keeping by licence the hostelry of La Cigoyne, situated on the
+Place du Pont, and who has sworn by the salvation of his soul, his
+hand upon the holy Evangelists, to state no other thing than that
+which by himself hath been seen and heard.
+
+He hath stated as here followeth:--
+
+“I declare that about two years before the feast of St. Jehan, upon
+which are the grand illuminations, a gentleman, at first unknown to
+me, but belonging without doubt to our lord the King, and at that time
+returned to our country from the Holy Land, came to me with the
+proposition that I should let to him at rental a certain country-house
+by me built, in the quit rent of the chapter over against the place
+called of St. Etienne, and the which I let to him for nine years, for
+the consideration of three besans of fine gold. In the said house was
+placed by the said knight a fair wench having the appearance of a
+woman, dressed in the strange fashion of the Saracens Mohammedans,
+whom he would allow by none to be seen or to be approached within a
+bow-shot, but whom I have seen with mine own eyes, weird feathers upon
+her head, and eyes so flaming that I cannot adequately describe them,
+and from which gleamed forth a fire of hell. The defunct knight having
+threatened with death whoever should appear to spy about the said
+house, I have by reason of great fear left the said house, and I have
+until this day secretly kept to my mind certain presumptions and
+doubts concerning the bad appearance of the said foreigner, who was
+more strange than any woman, her equal not having as yet by me been
+seen.
+
+“Many persons of all conditions having at the time believed the said
+knight to be dead, but kept upon his feet by virtue of the said
+charms, philters, spells, and diabolical sorceries of this seeming
+woman, who wished to settle in our country, I declare that I have
+always seen the said knight so ghastly pale that I can only compare
+his face to the wax of a Paschal candle, and to the knowledge of all
+the people of the hostelry of La Cigoyne, this knight was interred
+nine days after his first coming. According to the statement of his
+groom, the defunct had been chalorously coupled with the said Moorish
+woman during seven whole days shut up in my house, without coming out
+from her, the which I heard him horribly avow upon his deathbed.
+Certain persons at the present time have accused this she-devil of
+holding the said gentleman in her clutches by her long hair, the which
+was furnished with certain warm properties by means of which are
+communicated to Christians the flames of hell in the form of love,
+which work in them until their souls are by this means drawn from
+their bodies and possessed by Satan. But I declare that I have seen
+nothing of this excepting the said dead knight, bowelless, emaciated,
+wishing, in spite of his confessor, still to go to this wench; and
+then he has been recognised as the lord de Bueil, who was a crusader,
+and who was, according to certain persons of the town, under the spell
+of a demon whom he had met in the Asiatic country of Damascus or
+elsewhere.
+
+“Afterwards I have let my house to the said unknown lady, according to
+the clauses of the deed of lease. The said lord of Bueil, being
+defunct, I had nevertheless been into my house in order to learn from
+the said foreign woman if she wished to remain in my dwelling, and
+after great trouble was led before her by a strange, half-naked black
+man, whose eyes were white.
+
+“Then I have seen the said Moorish woman in a little room, shining
+with gold and jewels, lighted with strange lights, upon an Asiatic
+carpet, where she was seated, lightly attired, with another gentleman,
+who was there imperiling his soul; and I had not the heart bold enough
+to look upon her, seeing that her eyes would have incited me
+immediately to yield myself up to her, for already her voice thrilled
+into my very belly, filled my brain, and debauched my mind. Finding
+this, from the fear of God, and also of hell, I have departed with
+swift feet, leaving my house to her as long as she liked to retain it,
+so dangerous was it to behold that Moorish complexion from which
+radiated diabolical heats, besides a foot smaller than it was lawful
+in a real woman to possess; and to hear her voice, which pierced into
+one’s heart! And from that day I have lacked the courage to enter my
+house from great fear of falling into hell. I have said my say.”
+
+To the said Tortebras we have then shown an Abyssinian, Nubian or
+Ethiopian, who, black from head to foot, had been found wanting in
+certain virile properties with which all good Christians are usually
+furnished, who, having persevered in his silence, after having been
+tormented and tortured many times, not without much moaning, has
+persisted in being unable to speak the language of our country. And
+the said Tortebras has recognised the said Abyss heretic as having
+been in his house in company with the said demoniacal spirit, and is
+suspected of having lent his aid to her sorcery.
+
+And the said Tortebras has confessed his great faith in the Catholic
+religion, and declared no other things to be within his knowledge save
+certain rumours which were known to every one, of which he had been in
+no way a witness except in the hearing of them.
+
+
+In obedience to the citations served upon him, has appeared then,
+Matthew, surname Cognefestu, a day-labourer of St. Etienne, whom,
+after having sworn by the holy Evangelists to speak the truth, has
+confessed to us always to have seen a bright light in the dwelling of
+the said foreign woman, and heard much wild and diabolical laughter on
+the days and nights of feasts and fasts, notably during the days of
+the holy and Christmas weeks, as if a great number of people were in
+the house. And he has sworn to have seen by the windows of the said
+dwellings, green buds of all kinds in the winter, growing as if by
+magic, especially roses in a time of frost, and other things for which
+there was a need of a great heat; but of this he was in no way
+astonished, seeing that the said foreigner threw out so much heat that
+when she walked in the evening by the side of his wall he found on the
+morrow his salad grown; and on certain occasions she had by the
+touching of her petticoats, caused the trees to put forth leaves and
+hasten the buds. Finally, the said, Cognefestu has declared to us to
+know no more, because he worked from early morning, and went to bed at
+the same hour as the fowls.
+
+Afterwards the wife of the aforesaid Cognefestu has by us been
+required to state also upon oath the things come to her cognisance in
+this process, and has avowed naught save praises of the said
+foreigner, because since her coming her man had treated her better in
+consequence of the neighbourhood of this good lady, who filled the air
+with love, as the sun did light, and other incongruous nonsense, which
+we have not committed to writing.
+
+To the said Cognefestu and to his wife we have shown the said unknown
+African, who has been seen by them in the gardens of the house, and is
+stated by them for certain to belong to the said demon. In the third
+place, has advanced Harduin V., lord of Maille, who being by us
+reverentially begged to enlighten the religion of the church, has
+expressed his willingness so to do, and has, moreover, engaged his
+word, as a gallant knight, to say no other thing than that which he
+has seen. Then he has testified to have known in the army of the
+Crusades the demon in question, and in the town of Damascus to have
+seen the knight of Bueil, since defunct, fight at close quarters to be
+her sole possessor. The above-mentioned wench, or demon, belonged at
+that time to the knight Geoffroy IV., Lord of Roche-Pozay, by whom she
+was said to have been brought from Touraine, although she was a
+Saracen; concerning which the knights of France marvelled much, as
+well as at her beauty, which made a great noise and a thousand
+scandalous ravages in the camp. During the voyage this wench was the
+cause of many deaths, seeing that Roche-Pozay had already discomfited
+certain Crusaders, who wished to keep her to themselves, because she
+shed, according to certain knights petted by her in secret, joys
+around her comparable to none others. But in the end the knight of
+Bueil, having killed Geoffroy de la Roche-Pozay, became lord and
+master of this young murderess, and placed her in a convent, or harem,
+according to the Saracen custom. About this time one used to see her
+and hear her chattering as entertainment many foreign dialects, such
+as the Greek or the Latin empire, Moorish, and, above all, French
+better than any of those who knew the language of France best in the
+Christian host, from which sprang the belief that she was demoniacal.
+
+The said knight Harduin has confessed to us not to have tilted for her
+in the Holy Land, not from fear, coldness or other cause, so much as
+that he believed the time had arrived for him to bear away a portion
+of the true cross, and also he had belonging to him a noble lady of
+the Greek country, who saved him from this danger in denuding him of
+love, morning and night, seeing that she took all of it substantially
+from him, leaving him none in his heart or elsewhere for others.
+
+And the said knight has assured us that the woman living in the
+country house of Tortebras, was really the said Saracen woman, come
+into the country from Syria, because he had been invited to a midnight
+feast at her house by the young Lord of Croixmare, who expired the
+seventh day afterwards, according to the statement of the Dame de
+Croixmare, his mother, ruined all points by the said wench, whose
+commerce with him had consumed his vital spirit, and whose strange
+phantasies had squandered his fortune.
+
+Afterwards questioned in his quality of a man full of prudence, wisdom
+and authority in this country, upon the ideas entertained concerning
+the said woman, and summoned by us to open his conscience, seeing that
+it was a question of a most abominable case of Christian faith and
+divine justice, answer has been made by the said knight:--
+
+That by certain of the host of Crusaders it has been stated to him
+that always this she-devil was a maid to him who embraced her, and
+that Mammon was for certain occupied in her, making for her a new
+virtue for each of her lovers, and a thousand other foolish sayings of
+drunken men, which were not of a nature to form a fifth gospel. But
+for a fact, he, an old knight on that turn of life, and knowing
+nothing more of the aforesaid, felt himself again a young man in that
+last supper with which he had been regaled by the lord of Croixmare;
+then the voice of this demon went straight to his heart before flowing
+into his ears, and had awakened so great a love in his body that his
+life was ebbing from the place whence it should flow, and that
+eventually, but for the assistance of Cyprus wine, which he had drunk
+to blind his sight, and his getting under the table in order no longer
+to gaze upon the fiery eyes of his diabolical hostess, and not to rend
+his heart from her, without doubt he would have fought the young
+Croixmare, in order to enjoy for a single moment this supernatural
+woman. Since then he had had absolution from his confessor for the
+wicked thought. Then, by advice from on high, he had carried back to
+his house his portion of the true Cross, and had remained in his own
+manor, where, in spite of his Christian precautions, the said voice
+still at certain times tickled his brain, and in the morning often had
+he in remembrance this demon, warm as brimstone; and because the look
+of this wench was so warm that it made him burn like a young man, be
+half dead, and because it cost him then many transshipments of the
+vital spirit, the said knight has requested us not to confront him
+with the empress of love to whom, if it were not the devil, God the
+Father had granted strange liberties with the minds of men.
+Afterwards, he retired, after reading over his statement, not without
+having first recognised the above-mentioned African to be the servant
+and page of the lady.
+
+
+In the fourth place, upon the faith pledged in us in the name of the
+Chapter and of our Lord Archbishop, that he should not be tormented,
+tortured, nor harassed in any manner, nor further cited after his
+statement, in consequence of his commercial journeys, and upon the
+assurance that he should retire in perfect freedom, has come before us
+a Jew, Salomon al Rastchid, who, in spite of the infamy of his person
+and his Judaism, has been heard by us to this one end, to know
+everything concerning the conduct of the aforesaid demon. Thus he has
+not been required to take any oath this Salomon, seeing that he is
+beyond the pale of the Church, separated from us by the blood of our
+saviour (trucidatus Salvatore inter nos). Interrogated by us as to why
+he appeared without the green cap upon his head, and the yellow wheel
+in the apparent locality of the heart in his garment, according to the
+ecclesiastical and royal ordinances, the said de Rastchid has
+exhibited to us letters patent of the seneschal of Touraine and
+Poitou. Then the said Jew has declared to us to have done a large
+business for the lady dwelling in the house of the innkeeper
+Tortebras, to have sold to her golden chandeliers, with many branches,
+minutely engraved, plates of red silver, cups enriched with stones,
+emeralds and rubies; to have brought for her from the Levant a number
+of rare stuffs, Persian carpets, silks, and fine linen; in fact,
+things so magnificent that no queen in Christendom could say she was
+so well furnished with jewels and household goods; and that he had for
+his part received from her three hundred thousand pounds for the
+rarity of the purchases in which he had been employed, such as Indian
+flowers, poppingjays, birds’ feathers, spices, Greek wines, and
+diamonds. Requested by us, the judge, to say if he had furnished
+certain ingredients of magical conjuration, the blood of new-born
+children, conjuring books, and things generally and whatsoever made
+use of by sorcerers, giving him licence to state his case without that
+thereupon he should be the subject to any further inquest or inquiry,
+the said al Rastchid has sworn by his Hebrew faith never to have had
+any such commerce; and has stated that he was involved in too high
+interests to give himself to such miseries, seeing that he was the
+agent of certain most powerful lords, such as the Marquis de
+Montferrat, the King of England, the King of Cyprus and Jerusalem, the
+Court of Provence, lords of Venice, and many German gentleman; to have
+belonging to him merchant galleys of all kinds, going into Egypt with
+the permission of the Sultan, and he trafficking in precious articles
+of silver and of gold, which took him often into the exchange of
+Tours. Moreover, he has declared that he considered the said lady, the
+subject of inquiry, to be a right royal and natural woman, with the
+sweetest limbs, and the smallest he has ever seen. That in consequence
+of her renown for a diabolical spirit, pushed by a wild imagination,
+and also because that he was smitten with her, he had heard once that
+she was husbandless, proposed to her to be her gallant, to which
+proposition she willingly acceded. Now, although from that night he
+felt his bones disjointed and his bowels crushed, he had not yet
+experienced, as certain persons say, that who once yielded was free no
+more; he went to his fate as lead into the crucible of the alchemist.
+Then the said Salomon, to whom we have granted his liberty according
+to the safe conduct, in spite of the statement, which proves
+abundantly his commerce with the devil, because he had been saved
+there where all Christians have succumbed, has admitted to us an
+agreement concerning the said demon. To make known that he had made an
+offer to the chapter of the cathedral to give for the said semblance
+of a woman such a ransom, if she were condemned to be burned alive,
+that the highest of the towers of the Church of St. Maurice, at
+present in course of construction, could therewith be finished.
+
+The which we have noted to be deliberated upon at an opportune time by
+the assembled chapter. And the said Salomon has taken his departure
+without being willing to indicate his residence, and has told us that
+he can be informed of the deliberation of the chapter by a Jew of the
+synagogue of Tours, a name Tobias Nathaneus. The said Jew has before
+his departure been shown the African, and has recognised him as the
+page of the demon, and has stated the Saracens to have the custom of
+mutilating their slaves thus, to commit to them the task of guarding
+their women by an ancient usage, as it appears in the profane
+histories of Narsez, general of Constantinople, and others.
+
+On the morrow after mass has appeared before us the most noble and
+illustrious lady of Croixmare. The same has worn her faith in the holy
+Evangelists, and has related to us with tears how she had placed her
+eldest son beneath the earth, dead by reason of his extravagant amours
+with this female demon. The which noble gentleman was three-and-twenty
+years of age; of good complexion, very manly and well bearded like his
+defunct sire. Notwithstanding his great vigour, in ninety days he had
+little by little withered, ruined by his commerce with the succubus of
+the Rue Chaude, according to the statement of the common people; and
+her maternal authority over the son had been powerless. Finally in his
+latter days he appeared like a poor dried up worm, such as
+housekeepers meet with in a corner when they clean out the
+dwelling-rooms. And always, so long as he had the strength to go, he
+went to shorten his life with this cursed woman; where, also, he
+emptied his cash-box. When he was in his bed, and knew his last hour
+had come, he swore at, cursed, and threatened and heaped upon all--his
+sister, his brother, and upon her his mother--a thousand insults,
+rebelled in the face of the chaplain; denied God, and wished to die in
+damnation; at which were much afflicted the retainers of the family,
+who, to save his soul and pluck it from hell, have founded two annual
+masses in the cathedral. And in order to have him buried in consecrated
+ground, the house of Croixmare has undertaken to give to the chapter,
+during one hundred years, the wax candles for the chapels and the
+church, upon the day of the Paschal feast. And, in conclusion, saving
+the wicked words heard by the reverend person, Dom Loys Pot, a nun of
+Marmoustiers, who came to assist in his last hours the said Baron de
+Croixmaire affirms never to have heard any words offered by the
+defunct, touching the demon who had undone him.
+
+And therewith has retired the noble and illustrious lady in deep
+mourning.
+
+
+In the sixth place has appeared before us, after adjournment,
+Jacquette, called Vieux-Oing, a kitchen scullion, going to houses to
+wash dishes, residing at present in the Fishmarket, who, after having
+placed her word to say nothing she did not hold to be true, has
+declared as here follows:--Namely, that one day she, being come into
+the kitchen of the said demon, of whom she had no fear, because she
+was wont to regale herself only upon males, she had the opportunity of
+seeing in the garden this female demon, superbly attired, walking in
+company with a knight, with whom she was laughing, like a natural
+woman. Then she had recognised in this demon that true likeness of the
+Moorish woman placed as a nun in the convent of Notre Dame de
+l’Egrignolles by the defunct seneschal of Touraine and Poitou, Messire
+Bruyn, Count of Roche-Corbon, the which Moorish woman had been left in
+the situation and place of the image of our Lady the Virgin, the
+mother of our Blessed Saviour, stolen by the Egyptians about eighteen
+years since. Of this time, in consequence of the troubles come about
+in Touraine, no record has been kept. This girl, aged about twelve
+years, was saved from the stake at which she would have been burned by
+being baptised; and the said defunct and his wife had then been
+godfather and godmother to this child of hell. Being at that time
+laundress at the convent, she who bears witness has remembrance of the
+flight which the said Egyptian took twenty months after her entry into
+the convent, so subtilely that it has never been known how or by what
+means she escaped. At that time it was thought by all, that with the
+devil’s aid she had flown away in the air, seeing that not
+withstanding much search, no trace of her flight was found in the
+convent, where everything remained in its accustomed order.
+
+The African having been shown to the said scullion, she has declared
+not to have seen him before, although she was curious to do so, as he
+was commissioned to guard the place in which the Moorish woman
+combated with those whom she drained through the spigot.
+
+
+In the seventh place has been brought before us Hugues de Fou, son of
+the Sieur de Bridore, who, aged twenty years, has been placed in the
+hands of his father, under caution of his estates, and by him is
+represented in this process, whom it concerns if should be duly
+attained and convicted of having, assisted by several unknown and bad
+young men, laid siege to the jail of the archbishop and of the
+chapter, and of having lent himself to disturb the force of
+ecclesiastical justice, by causing the escape of the demon now under
+consideration. In spite of the evil disposition we have commanded the
+said Hugues de Fou to testify truly, touching the things he should
+know concerning the said demon, with whom he is vehemently reputed to
+have had commerce, pointing out to him that it was a question of his
+salvation and of the life of the said demon. He, after having taken
+the oath, he said:--
+
+“I swear by my eternal salvation, and by the holy Evangelists here
+present under my hand, to hold the woman suspected of being a demon to
+be an angel, a perfect woman, and even more so in mind than in body,
+living in all honesty, full of the migniard charms and delights of
+love, in no way wicked, but most generous, assisting greatly the poor
+and suffering. I declare that I have seen her weeping veritable tears
+for the death of my friend, the knight of Croixmare. And because on
+that day she had made a vow to our Lady the Virgin no more to receive
+the love of young noblemen too weak in her service; she has to me
+constantly and with great courage denied the enjoyment of her body,
+and has only granted to me love, and the possession of her heart, of
+which she has made sovereign. Since this gracious gift, in spite of my
+increasing flame I have remained alone in her dwelling, where I have
+spent the greater part of my days, happy in seeing and in hearing her.
+Oh! I would eat near her, partake of the air which entered into her
+lungs, of the light which shone in her sweet eyes, and found in this
+occupation more joy than have the lords of paradise. Elected by me to
+be forever my lady, chosen to be one day my dove, my wife, and only
+sweetheart, I, poor fool, have received from her no advances on the
+joys of the future, but, on the contrary, a thousand virtuous
+admonitions; such as that I should acquire renown as a good knight,
+become a strong man and a fine one, fear nothing except God; honour
+the ladies, serve but one and love them in memory of that one; that
+when I should be strengthened by the work of war, if her heart still
+pleased mine, at that time only would she be mine, because she would
+be able to wait for me, loving me so much.”
+
+So saying the young Sire Hugues wept, and weeping, added:--
+
+“That thinking of this graceful and feeble woman, whose arms seemed
+scarcely large enough to sustain the light weight of her golden
+chains, he did not know how to contain himself while fancying the
+irons which would wound her, and the miseries with which she would
+traitorously be loaded, and from this cause came his rebellion. And
+that he had licence to express his sorrow before justice, because his
+life was so bound up with that of his delicious mistress and
+sweetheart that on the day when evil came to her he would surely die.”
+
+And the same young man has vociferated a thousand other praises of the
+said demon, which bear witness to the vehement sorcery practised upon
+him, and prove, moreover, the abominable, unalterable, and incurable
+life and the fraudulent witcheries to which he is at present subject,
+concerning which our lord the archbishop will judge, in order to save
+by exorcisms and penitences this young soul from the snares of hell,
+if the devil has not gained too strong a hold of it.
+
+Then we have handed back the said young nobleman into the custody of
+the noble lord his father, after that by the said Hugues, the African
+has been recognised as the servant of the accused.
+
+
+In the eighth place, before us, have the footguards of our lord the
+archbishop led in great state the MOST HIGH AND REVEREND LADY
+JACQUELINE DE CHAMPCHEVRIER, ABBESS OF THE CONVENT OF NOTRE-DAME,
+under the invocation of Mount Carmel, to whose control has been
+submitted by the late seneschal of Touraine, father of Monseigneur the
+Count of Roche-Corbon, present advocate of the said convent, the
+Egyptian, named at the baptismal font Blanche Bruyn.
+
+To the said abbess we have shortly stated the present cause, in which
+is involved the holy church, the glory of God, and the eternal future
+of the people of the diocese afflicted with a demon, and also the life
+of a creature who it was possible might be quite innocent. Then the
+cause elaborated, we have requested the said noble abbess to testify
+that which was within her knowledge concerning the magical
+disappearance of her daughter in God, Blanche Bruyn, espoused by our
+Saviour under the name of Sister Clare.
+
+Then has stated the very high, very noble, and very illustrious lady
+abbess as follows:--
+
+“The Sister Clare, of origin to her unknown, but suspected to be of an
+heretic father and mother, people inimical to God, has truly been
+placed in religion in the convent of which the government had
+canonically come to her in spite of her unworthiness; that the said
+sister had properly concluded her noviciate, and made her vows
+according to the holy rule of the order. That the vows taken, she had
+fallen into great sadness, and had much drooped. Interrogated by her,
+the abbess, concerning her melancholy malady, the said sister had
+replied with tears that she herself did not know the cause. That one
+thousand and one tears engendered themselves in her at feeling no more
+her splendid hair upon her head; that besides this she thirsted for
+air, and could not resist her desire to jump up into the trees, to
+climb and tumble about according to her wont during her open air life;
+that she passed her nights in tears, dreaming of the forests under the
+leaves of which in other days she slept; and in remembrance of this
+she abhorred the quality of the air of the cloisters, which troubled
+her respiration; that in her inside she was troubled with evil
+vapours; that at times she was inwardly diverted in church by thoughts
+which made her lose countenance. Then I have repeated over and over
+again to the poor creature the holy directions of the church, have
+reminded her of the eternal happiness which women without seeing enjoy
+in paradise, and how transitory was life here below, and certain the
+goodness of God, who for first certain bitter pleasures lost, kept for
+us a love without end. Is spite of this wise maternal advice the evil
+spirit has persisted in the said sister; and always would she gaze
+upon the leaves of the trees and grass of the meadows through the
+windows of the church during the offices and times of prayer; and
+persisted in becoming as white as linen in order that she might stay
+in her bed, and at certain times she would run about the cloisters
+like a goat broken loose from its fastening. Finally, she had grown
+thin, lost much of the great beauty, and shrunk away to nothing. While
+in this condition by us, the abbess her mother, was she placed in the
+sick-room, we daily expecting her to die. One winter’s morning the
+said sister had fled, without leaving any trace of her steps, without
+breaking the door, forcing of locks, or opening of windows, nor any
+sign whatever of the manner of her passage; a frightful adventure
+which was believed to have taken place by the aid of the demon which
+has annoyed and tormented her. For the rest it was settled by the
+authorities of the metropolitan church that the mission of this
+daughter of hell was to divert the nuns from their holy ways, and
+blinded by their perfect lives, she had returned through the air on
+the wings of the sorcerer, who had left her for mockery of our holy
+religion in the place of our Virgin Mary.”
+
+The which having said, the lady abbess was, with great honour and
+according to the command of our lord the archbishop, accompanied as
+far as the convent of Carmel.
+
+
+In the ninth place, before us has come, agreeably to the citation
+served upon him, Joseph, called Leschalopier, a money-changer, living
+on the bridge at the sign of the Besant d’Or, who, after having
+pledged his Catholic faith to say no other thing than the truth, and
+that known to him, touching the process before the ecclesiastical
+tribunal, has testified as follows:--“I am a poor father, much
+afflicted by the sacred will of God. Before the coming of the Succubus
+of the Rue Chaude, I had, for all good, a son as handsome as a noble,
+learned as a clerk, and having made more than a dozen voyages into
+foreign lands; for the rest a good Catholic; keeping himself on guard
+against the needles of love, because he avoided marriage, knowing
+himself to be the support of my old days, the love for my eyes, and
+the constant delight of my heart. He was a son of whom the King of
+France might have been proud--a good and courageous man, the light on
+my commerce, the joy of my roof, and, above all, an inestimable
+blessing, seeing that I am alone in the world, having had the
+misfortune to lose my wife, and being too old to take another. Now,
+monseigneur, this treasure without equal has been taken from me, and
+cast into hell by the demon. Yes, my lord judge, directly he beheld
+this mischievous jade, this she-devil, in whom it is a whole workshop
+of perdition, a conjunction of pleasure and delectation, and whom
+nothing can satiate, my poor child stuck himself fast into the gluepot
+of love, and afterwards lived only between the columns of Venus, and
+there did not live long, because in that place like so great a heat
+that nothing can satisfy the thirst of this gulf, not even should you
+plunge therein the germs of the entire world. Alas! then, my poor boy
+--his fortune, his generative hopes, his eternal future, his entire
+self, more than himself, have been engulfed in this sewer, like a
+grain of corn in the jaws of a bull. By this means become an old
+orphan I, who speak, shall have no greater joy than to see burning,
+this demon, nourished with blood and gold. This Arachne who has drawn
+out and sucked more marriages, more families in the seed, more hearts,
+more Christians then there are lepers in all the lazar houses or
+Christendom. Burn, torment this fiend--this vampire who feeds on
+souls, this tigerish nature that drinks blood, this amorous lamp in
+which burns the venom of all the vipers. Close this abyss, the bottom
+of which no man can find.... I offer my deniers to the chapter for the
+stake, and my arm to light the fire. Watch well, my lord judge, to
+surely guard this devil, seeing that she has a fire more flaming than
+all other terrestrial fires; she has all the fire of hell in her, the
+strength of Samson in her hair, and the sound of celestial music in
+her voice. She charms to kill the body and the soul at one stroke; she
+smiles to bite, she kisses to devour; in short, she would wheedle an
+angel, and make him deny his God. My son! my son! where is he at this
+hour? The flower of my life--a flower cut by this feminine needlecase
+as with scissors. Ha, lord! why have I been called? Who will give me
+back my son, whose soul has been absorbed by a womb which gives death
+to all, and life to none? The devil alone copulates, and engenders
+not. This is my evidence, which I pray Master Tournebouche to write
+without omitting one iota, and to grant me a schedule, that I may tell
+it to God every evening in my prayer, to this end to make the blood of
+the innocent cry aloud into His ears, and to obtain from His infinite
+mercy the pardon for my son.”
+
+
+Here followed twenty and seven other statements, of which the
+transcription in their true objectivity, in all their quality of space
+would be over-fastidious, would draw to a great length, and divert the
+thread of this curious process--a narrative which, according to
+ancient precepts, should go straight to the fact, like a bull to his
+principal office. Therefore, here is, in a few words, the substance of
+these testimonies.
+
+A great number of good Christians, townsmen and townswomen,
+inhabitants of the noble town of Tours, testified the demon to have
+held every day wedding feasts and royal festivities, never to have
+been seen in any church, to have cursed God, to have mocked the
+priests, never to have crossed herself in any place; to have spoken
+all the languages of the earth--a gift which has only been granted by
+God to the blessed Apostles; to have been many times met in the
+fields, mounted upon an unknown animal who went before the clouds; not
+to grow old, and to have always a youthful face; to have received the
+father and the son on the same day, saying that her door sinned not;
+to have visible malign influences which flowed from her, for that a
+pastrycook, seated on a bench at her door, having perceived her one
+evening, received such a gust of warm love that, going in and getting
+to bed, he had with great passion embraced his wife, and was found
+dead on the morrow, that the old men of the town went to spend the
+remainder of their days and of their money with her, to taste the joys
+of the sins of their youth, and that they died like fleas on their
+bellies, and that certain of them, while dying, became as black as
+Moors; that this demon never allowed herself to be seen neither at
+dinner, nor at breakfast, nor at supper, but ate alone, because she
+lived upon human brains; that several had seen her during the night go
+to the cemeteries, and there embrace the young dead men, because she
+was not able to assuage otherwise the devil who worked in her
+entrails, and there raged like a tempest, and from that came the
+astringent biting, nitrous shooting, precipitant, and diabolical
+movements, squeezings, and writhings of love and voluptuousness, from
+which several men had emerged bruised, torn, bitten, pinched and
+crushed; and that since the coming of our Saviour, who had imprisoned
+the master devil in the bellies of the swine, no malignant beast had
+ever been seen in any portion of the earth so mischievous, venomous
+and so clutching; so much so that if one threw the town of Tours into
+this field of Venus, she would there transmute it into the grain of
+cities, and this demon would swallow it like a strawberry.
+
+And a thousand other statements, sayings, and depositions, from which
+was evident in perfect clearness the infernal generation of this
+woman, daughter, sister, niece, spouse, or brother of the devil,
+beside abundant proofs of her evil doing, and of the calamity spread
+by her in all families. And if it were possible to put them here
+conformably with the catalogue preserved by the good man to whom he
+accused the discovery, it would seem like a sample of the horrible
+cries which the Egyptians gave forth on the day of the seventh plague.
+Also this examination has covered with great honour Messire Guillaume
+Tournebouche, by whom are quoted all the memoranda. In the tenth
+vacation was thus closed this inquest, arriving at a maturity of
+proof, furnished with authentic testimony and sufficiently engrossed
+with the particulars, plaints, interdicts, contradictions, charges,
+assignments, withdrawals, confessions public and private, oaths,
+adjournments, appearances and controversies, to which the said demon
+must reply. And the townspeople say everywhere if there were really a
+she-devil, and furnished with internal horns planted in her nature,
+with which she drank the men, and broke them, this woman might swim a
+long time in this sea of writing before being landed safe and sound in
+hell.
+
+
+II
+THE PROCEEDINGS TAKEN RELATIVE TO THIS FEMALE VAMPIRE.
+
+_In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen._
+
+
+In the year of our Lord one thousand two hundred and seventy-one,
+before us, Hierome Cornille, grand penitentiary and ecclesiastical
+judge to this, canonically appointed, have appeared--
+
+The Sire Philippe d’Idre, bailiff of the town and city of Tours and
+province of Touraine, living in his hotel in the Rue de la Rotisserie,
+in Chateauneuf; Master Jehan Ribou, provost of the brotherhood and
+company of drapers, residing on the Quay de Bretaingne, at the image
+of St. Pierre-es-liens; Messire Antoine Jehan, alderman and chief of
+the Brotherhood of Changers, residing in the Place du Pont, at the
+image of St. Mark-counting-tournoise-pounds; Master Martin
+Beaupertuys, captain of the archers of the town residing at the
+castle; Jehan Rabelais, a ships’ painter and boat maker residing at
+the port at the isle of St. Jacques, treasurer of the brotherhood of
+the mariners of the Loire; Mark Hierome, called Maschefer, hosier, at
+the sign of Saint-Sebastian, president of the trades council; and
+Jacques, called de Villedomer, master tavern-keeper and vine dresser,
+residing in the High Street, at the Pomme de Pin; to the said Sire
+d’Idre, and to the said citizens, we have read the following petition
+by them, written, signed, and deliberated upon, to be brought under
+the notice of the ecclesiastical tribunal:--
+
+
+PETITION
+
+We, the undersigned, all citizens of Tours, are come into the hotel of
+his worship the Sire d’Idre, bailiff of Touraine, in the absence of
+our mayor, and have requested him to hear our plaints and statements
+concerning the following facts, which we intend to bring before the
+tribunal of the archbishop, the judge of ecclesiastical crimes, to
+whom should be deferred the conduct of the cause which we here
+expose:--
+
+A long time ago there came into this town a wicked demon in the form
+of a woman, who lives in the parish of Saint-Etienne, in the house of
+the innkeeper Tortebras, situated in the quit-rent of the chapter, and
+under the temporal jurisdiction of the archiepiscopal domain. The
+which foreigner carries on the business of a gay woman in a prodigal
+and abusive manner, and with such increase of infamy that she
+threatens to ruin the Catholic faith in this town, because those who
+go to her come back again with their souls lost in every way, and
+refuse the assistance of the Church with a thousand scandalous
+discourses.
+
+Now considering that a great number of those who yielded to her are
+dead, and that arrived in our town with no other wealth than her
+beauty, she has, according to public clamour, infinite riches and
+right royal treasure, the acquisition of which is vehemently
+attributed to sorcery, or at least to robberies committed by the aid
+of magical attractions and her supernaturally amorous person.
+
+Considering that it is a question of the honour and security of our
+families, and that never before has been seen in this country a woman
+wild of body or a daughter of pleasure, carrying on with such mischief
+of vocation of light o’ love, and menacing so openly and bitterly the
+life, the savings, the morals, chastity, religion, and the everything
+of the inhabitants of this town;
+
+Considering that there is need of a inquiry into her person, her
+wealth and her deportment, in order to verify if these effects of love
+are legitimate, and to not proceed, as would seem indicated by her
+manners, from a bewitchment of Satan, who often visits Christianity
+under the form of a female, as appears in the holy books, in which it
+is stated that our blessed Saviour was carried away into a mountain,
+from which Lucifer or Astaroth showed him the fertile plains of Judea
+and that in many places have been seen succubi or demons, having the
+faces of women, who, not wishing to return to hell, and having with
+them an insatiable fire, attempt to refresh and sustain themselves by
+sucking in souls;
+
+Considering that in the case of the said woman a thousand proofs of
+diablerie are met with, of which certain inhabitants speak openly, and
+that it is necessary for the repose of the said woman that the matter
+be sifted, in order that she shall not be attacked by certain people,
+ruined by the result of her wickedness;
+
+For these causes we pray that it will please you to submit to our
+spiritual lord, father of this diocese, the most noble and blessed
+archbishop Jehan de Monsoreau, the troubles of his afflicted flock, to
+the end that he may advise upon them.
+
+By doing so you will fulfil the duties of your office, as we do those
+of preservers of the security of this town, each one according to the
+things of which he has charge in his locality.
+
+And we have signed the present, in the year of our Lord one thousand
+two hundred and seventy-one, of All Saints’ Day, after mass.
+
+Master Tournebouche having finished the reading of this petition, by
+us, Hierome Cornille, has it been said to the petitioners--
+
+“Gentlemen, do you, at the present time, persist in these statements?
+have you proofs other than those come within your own knowledge, and
+do you undertake to maintain the truth of this before God, before man,
+and before the accused?”
+
+All, with the exception of Master Jehan Rabelais, have persisted in
+their belief, and the aforesaid Rabelais has withdrawn from the
+process, saying that he considered the said Moorish woman to be a
+natural woman and a good wench who had no other fault than that of
+keeping up a very high temperature of love.
+
+Then we, the judge appointed, have, after mature deliberation, found
+matter upon which to proceed in the petition of the aforesaid
+citizens, and have commanded that the woman at present in the jail of
+the chapter shall be proceeded against by all legal methods, as
+written in the canons and ordinances, _contra demonios_. The said
+ordinance, embodied in a writ, shall be published by the town-crier in
+all parts, and with the sound of the trumpet, in order to make it
+known to all, and that each witness may, according to his knowledge,
+be confronted with the said demon, and finally the said accused to be
+provided with a defender, according to custom, and the interrogations,
+and the process to be congruously conducted.
+
+(Signed) HIEROME CORNILLE.
+
+And, lower-down.
+
+TOURNEBOUCHE.
+
+
+In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.
+
+
+In the year of our Lord one thousand two hundred and seventy-one, the
+10th day of February, after mass, by command of us, Hierome Cornille,
+ecclesiastical judge, has been brought from the jail of the chapter
+and led before us the woman taken in the house of the innkeeper
+Tortebras, situated in the domains of the chapter and the cathedral of
+St. Maurice, and are subject to the temporal and seigneurial justice
+of the Archbishop of Tours; besides which, in consequence of the
+nature of the crimes imputed to her, she is liable to the tribunal and
+council of ecclesiastical justice, the which we have made known to
+her, to the end that she should not ignore it.
+
+And after a serious reading, entirely at will understood by her, in
+the first place of the petition of the town, then of the statements,
+plaints, accusations, and proceedings which written in twenty-four
+quires by Master Tournebouche, and are above related, we have, with
+the invocation and assistance of God and the Church, resolved to
+ascertain the truth, first by interrogatories made to the said
+accused.
+
+In the first interrogation we have requested the aforesaid to inform
+us in what land or town she had been born. By her who speaks was it
+answered: “In Mauritania.”
+
+We have then inquired: “If she had a father or mother, or any
+relations?” By her who speaks has it been replied: “That she had never
+known them.” By us requested to declare her name. By her who speaks
+has been replied: “Zulma,” in Arabian tongue.
+
+By us has it been demanded: “Why she spoke our language?” By her who
+speaks has it been said: “Because she had come into this country.” By
+us has it been asked: “At what time?” By her who speaks has it been
+replied: “About twelve years.”
+
+By us has it been asked: “What age she then was?” By her who speaks
+has it been answered: “Fifteen years or thereabout.”
+
+By us has it been said: “Then you acknowledge yourself to be
+twenty-seven years of age?” By her who speaks has it been replied:
+“Yes.”
+
+By us has it been said to her: “That she was then the Moorish child
+found in the niche of Madame the Virgin, baptised by the Archbishop,
+held at the font by the late Lord of Roche-Corbon and the Lady of
+Azay, his wife, afterwards by them placed in religion at the convent
+of Mount Carmel, where by her had been made vows of chastity, poverty,
+silence, and the love of God, under the divine assistance of St.
+Clare?” By her who speaks has been said: “That is true.”
+
+By us has it been asked her: “If, then, she allowed to be true the
+declarations of the very noble and illustrious lady the abbess of
+Mount Carmel, also the statements of Jacquette, called Vieux-Oing,
+being kitchen scullion?” By the accused has been answered: “These
+words are true in great measure.”
+
+Then by us has it been said to her: “Then you are a Christian?” And by
+her who speaks has been answered: “Yes, my father.”
+
+Then by us has she been requested to make the sign of the cross, and
+to take holy water from the brush placed by Master Tournebouche in her
+hand; the which having been done, and by us having been witnessed, it
+has been admitted as an indisputable fact, that Zulma, the Moorish
+woman, called in our country Blanche Bruyn, a nun of the convent under
+the invocation of Mount Carmel, there named Sister Clare, and
+suspected to be the false appearance of a woman under which is
+concealed a demon, has in our presence made act of religion and thus
+recognised the justice of the ecclesiastical tribunal.
+
+Then by us have these words been said to her: “My daughter, you are
+vehemently suspected to have had recourse to the devil from the manner
+in which you left the convent, which was supernatural in every way.”
+ By her who speaks has it been stated, that she at that time gained
+naturally the fields by the street door after vespers, enveloped in
+the robes of Jehan de Marsilis, visitor of the convent, who had hidden
+her, the person speaking, in a little hovel belonging to him, situated
+in the Cupidon Lane, near a tower in the town. That there this said
+priest had to her then speaking, at great length, and most thoroughly
+taught the depths of love, of which she then speaking was before in
+all points ignorant, for which delights she had a great taste, finding
+them of great use. That the Sire d’Amboise having perceived her then
+speaking at the window of this retreat, had been smitten with a great
+love for her. That she loved him more heartily than the monk, and fled
+from the hovel where she was detained for profit of his pleasure by
+Don Marsilis. And then she had gone in great haste to Amboise, the
+castle of the said lord, where she had had a thousand pastimes,
+hunting, and dancing, and beautiful dresses fit for a queen. One day
+the Sire de la Roche-Pozay having been invited by the Sire d’Amboise
+to come and feast and enjoy himself, the Baron d’Amboise had allowed
+him to see her then speaking, as she came out naked from her bath.
+That at this sight the said Sire de la Roche-Pozay having fallen
+violently in love with her, had on the morrow discomfited in single
+combat the Sire d’Amboise, and by great violence, had, is spite of her
+tears, taken her to the Holy Land, where she who was speaking had
+lived the life of a woman well beloved, and had been held in great
+respect on account of her great beauty. That after numerous
+adventures, she who was speaking had returned into this country in
+spite of the apprehensions of misfortune, because such was the will of
+her lord and master, the Baron de Bueil, who was dying of grief in
+Asiatic lands, and desired to return to his patrimonial manor. Now he
+had promised her who was speaking to preserve her from peril. Now she
+who was speaking had faith and belief in him, the more so as she loved
+him very much; but on his arrival in this country, the Sire de Bueil
+was seized with an illness, and died deplorably, without taking any
+remedies, this spite of the fervent requests which she who was
+speaking had addressed to him, but without success, because he hated
+physicians, master surgeons, and apothecaries; and that this was the
+whole truth.
+
+Then by us has it been said to the accused that she then held to be
+true the statements of the good Sire Harduin and of the innkeeper
+Tortebras. By her who speaks has it been replied, that she recognised
+as evidence the greater part, and also as malicious, calumnious, and
+imbecile certain portions.
+
+Then by us has the accused been required to declare if she had had
+pleasure and carnal commerce with all the men, nobles, citizens, and
+others as set forth in the plaints and declarations of the
+inhabitants. To which her who speaks has it been answered with great
+effrontery: “Pleasure, yes! Commerce, I do not know.”
+
+By us has it been said to her, that all had died by her acts. By her
+who speaks has it been said that their deaths could not be the result
+of her acts, because she had always refused herself to them, and the
+more she fled from them the more they came and embraced her with
+infinite passion, and that when she who was speaking was taken by them
+she gave herself up to them with all her strength, by the grace of
+God, because she had in that more joy than in anything, and has
+stated, she who speaks, that she avows her secret sentiments solely
+because she had been requested by us to state the whole truth, and
+that she the speaker stood in great fear of the torments of the
+torturers.
+
+Then by us has she been requested to answer, under pain of torture, in
+what state of mind she was when a young nobleman died in consequence
+of his commerce with her. Then by her speaking has it been replied,
+that she remained quite melancholy and wished to destroy herself; and
+prayed God, the Virgin, and the saints to receive her into Paradise,
+because never had she met with any but lovely and good hearts in which
+was no guile, and beholding them die she fell into a great sadness,
+fancying herself to be an evil creature or subject to an evil fate,
+which she communicated like the plague.
+
+Then by us has she been requested to state where she paid her orisons.
+
+By her speaking has it been said that she played in her oratory on her
+knees before God, who according to the Evangelists, sees and hears all
+things and resides in all places.
+
+Then by us has it been demanded why she never frequented the churches,
+the offices, nor the feasts. To this by her speaking has it been
+answered, that those who came to love her had elected the feast days
+for that purpose, and that she speaking did all things to their
+liking.
+
+By us has it been remonstrated that, by so doing, she was submissive
+to man rather than to the commandments of God.
+
+Then by her speaking has it been stated, that for those who loved her
+well she speaking would have thrown herself into a flaming pile, never
+having followed in her love any course but that of nature, and that
+for the weight of the world in gold she would not have lent her body
+or her love to a king who did not love her with his heart, feet, hair,
+forehead, and all over. In short and moreover the speaker had never
+made an act of harlotry in selling one single grain of love to a man
+whom she had not chosen to be hers, and that he who held her in his
+arms one hour or kissed her on the mouth a little, possessed her for
+the remainder of her days.
+
+Then by us has she been requested to state whence preceded the jewels,
+gold plate, silver, precious stones, regal furniture, carpets, et
+cetera, worth 200,000 doubloons, according to the inventory found in
+her residence and placed in the custody of the treasurer of the
+chapter. By the speaker answer has been made, that in us she placed
+all her hopes, even as much as in God, but that she dare not reply to
+this, because it involved the sweetest things of love upon which she
+had always lived. And interpellated anew, the speaker has said that if
+the judge knew with what fervour she held him she loved, with what
+obedience she followed him in good or evil ways, with what study she
+submitted to him, with what happiness she listened to his desires, and
+inhaled the sacred words with which his mouth gratified her, in what
+adoration she held his person, even we, an old judge, would believe
+with her well-beloved, that no sum could pay for this great affection
+which all the men ran after. After the speaker has declared never from
+any man loved by her, to have solicited any present or gift, and that
+she rested perfectly contented to live in their hearts, that she would
+there curl herself up with indestructible and ineffable pleasure,
+finding herself richer with this heart than with anything, and
+thinking of no other thing than to give them more pleasure and
+happiness than she received from them. But in spite of the iterated
+refusals of the speaker her lovers persisted in graciously rewarding
+her. At times one came to her with a necklace of pearls, saying, “This
+is to show my darling that the satin of her skin did not falsely
+appear to me whiter than pearls” and would put it on the speaker’s
+neck, kissing her lovingly. The speaker would be angry at these
+follies, but could not refuse to keep a jewel that gave them pleasure
+to see it there where they placed it. Each one had a different fancy.
+At times another liked to tear the precious garments which the speaker
+wore to gratify him; another to deck out the speaker with sapphires on
+her arms, on her legs, on her neck, and in her hair; another to seat
+her on the carpet, clad in silk or black velvet, and to remain for
+days together in ecstasy at the perfections of the speaker the whom
+the things desired by her lovers gave infinite pleasure, because these
+things rendered them quite happy. And the speaker has said, that as we
+love nothing so much as our pleasure, and wish that everything should
+shine in beauty and harmonise, outside as well as inside the heart, so
+they all wished to see the place inhabited by the speaker adorned with
+handsome objects, and from this idea all her lovers were pleased as
+much as she was in spreading thereabout gold, silks and flowers. Now
+seeing that these lovely things spoil nothing, the speaker had no
+force or commandment by which to prevent a knight, or even a rich
+citizen beloved by her, having his will, and thus found herself
+constrained to receive rare perfumes and other satisfaction with which
+the speaker was loaded, and that such was the source of the gold,
+plate, carpets, and jewels seized at her house by the officers of
+justice. This terminates the first interrogation made to the said
+Sister Clare, suspected to be a demon, because we the judge and
+Guillaume Tournebouche, are greatly fatigued with having the voice of
+the aforesaid, in our ears, and finding our understanding in every way
+muddled.
+
+By us the judge has the second interrogatory been appointed, three
+days from to-day, in order that the proofs of the possession and
+presence of the demon in the body of the aforesaid may be sought, and
+the accused, according to the order of the judge, has been taken back
+to the jail under the conduct of Master Guillaume Tournebouche.
+
+
+In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.
+
+
+On the thirteenth day following of the said month of the February
+before us, Hierome Cornille, et cetera, has been produced the Sister
+Clare above-mentioned, in order to be interrogated upon the facts and
+deeds to her imputed, and of them to be convicted.
+
+By us, the judge, has it been said to the accused that, looking at the
+divers responses by her given to the proceeding interrogatories, it
+was certain that it never had been in the power of a simple woman,
+even if she were authorised, if such licence were allowed to lead the
+life of a loose woman, to give pleasure to all, to cause so many
+deaths, and to accomplish sorceries so perfect, without the assistance
+of a special demon lodged in her body, and to whom her soul had been
+sold by an especial compact. That it had been clearly demonstrated
+that under her outward appearance lies and moves a demon, the author
+of these evils, and that she was now called upon to declare at what
+age she had received the demon, to vow the agreement existing between
+herself and him, and to tell the truth concerning their common evil
+doings. By the speaker was it replied that she would answer us, man,
+as to God, who would be judge of all of us. Then has the speaker
+pretended never to have seen the demon, neither to have spoken with
+him, nor in any way to desire to see him; never to have led the life
+of a courtesan, because she, the speaker, had never practised the
+various delights that love invents, other than those furnished by the
+pleasure which the Sovereign Creator has put in the thing, and to have
+always been incited more from the desire of being sweet and good to
+the dear lord loved by her, then by an incessantly raging desire. But
+if such had been her inclination, the speaker begged us to bear in
+mind that she was a poor African girl, in whom God had placed very hot
+blood, and in her brain so easy an understanding of the delights of
+love, that if a man only looked at her she felt greatly moved in her
+heart. That if from desire of acquaintance an amorous gentleman
+touched the speaker her on any portion of the body, there passing his
+hand, she was, in spite of everything, under his power, because her
+heart failed her instantly. By this touch, the apprehension and
+remembrance of all the sweet joys of love woke again in her breast,
+and there caused an intense heat, which mounted up, flamed in her
+veins, and made her love and joy from head to foot. And since the day
+when Don Marsilis had first awakened the understanding of the speaker
+concerning these things, she had never had any other thought, and
+thenceforth recognised love to be a thing so perfectly concordant with
+her nature, that it had since been proved to the speaker that in
+default of love and natural relief she would have died, withered at
+the said convent. As evidence of which, the speaker affirms as a
+certainty, that after her flight from the said convent she had not
+passed a single day or one particle of time in melancholy and sadness,
+but always was she joyous, and thus followed the sacred will of God,
+which she believed to have been diverted during the time lost by her
+in the convent.
+
+To this was it objected by us, Hierome Cornille, to the said demon,
+that in this response she had openly blasphemed against God, because
+we had all been made to his greater glory, and placed in the world to
+honour and to serve Him, to have before our eyes His blessed
+commandments, and to live in sanctity, in order to gain eternal life,
+and not to be always in bed, doing that which even the beasts only do
+at a certain time. Then by the said sister, has answer been made, that
+she honoured God greatly, that in all countries she had taken care of
+the poor and suffering, giving them both money and raiment, and that
+at the last judgement-day she hoped to have around her a goodly
+company of holy works pleasant to God, which would intercede for her.
+That but for her humility, a fear of being reproached and of
+displeasing the gentlemen of the chapter, she would with joy have
+spent her wealth in finishing the cathedral of St. Maurice, and there
+have established foundations for the welfare of her soul--would have
+spared therein neither her pleasure nor her person, and that with this
+idea she would have taken double pleasure in her nights, because each
+one of her amours would have added a stone to the building of this
+basilic. Also the more this purpose, and for the eternal welfare of
+the speaker, would they have right heartily given their wealth.
+
+Then by us has it been said to this demon that she could not justify
+the fact of her sterility, because in spite of so much commerce, no
+child had been born of her, the which proved the presence of a demon
+in her. Moreover, Astaroth alone, or an apostle, could speak all
+languages, and she spoke after the manner of all countries, the which
+proved the presence of the devil in her. Thereupon the speaker has
+asked: “In what consisted the said diversity of language?”--that of
+Greek she knew nothing but a Kyrie eleison, of which she made great
+use; of Latin, nothing, save Amen, which she said to God, wishing
+therewith to obtain her liberty. That for the rest the speaker had
+felt great sorrow, being without children, and if the good wives had
+them, she believed it was because they took so little pleasure in the
+business, and she, the speaker, a little too much. But that such was
+doubtless the will of God, who thought that from too great happiness,
+the world would be in danger of perishing. Taking this into
+consideration, and a thousand other reasons, which sufficiently
+establish the presence of the devil in the body of the sister, because
+the peculiar property of Lucifer is to always find arguments having
+the semblance of truth, we have ordered that in our presence the
+torture be applied to the said accused, and that she be well tormented
+in order to reduce the said demon by suffering to submit to the
+authority of the Church, and have requested to render us assistance
+one Francois de Hangest, master surgeon and doctor to the chapter,
+charging him by a codicil hereunder written to investigate the
+qualities of the feminine nature (virtutes vulvae) of the
+above-mentioned woman, to enlighten our religion on the methods
+employed by this demon to lay hold of souls in that way, and see if
+any article was there apparent.
+
+Then the said Moorish women had wept bitterly, tortured in advance,
+and in spite of her irons, has knelt down imploring with cries and
+clamour the revocation of this order, objecting that her limbs were in
+such a feeble state, and her bones so tender, that they would break
+like glass; and finally, has offered to purchase her freedom from this
+by the gift all her goods to the chapter, and to quit incontinently
+the country.
+
+Upon this, by us has she been required to voluntarily declare herself
+to be, and to have always been, demon of the nature of the Succubus,
+which is a female devil whose business it is to corrupt Christians by
+the blandishments and flagitious delights of love. To this the speaker
+has replied that the affirmation would be an abominable falsehood,
+seeing that she had always felt herself to be a most natural woman.
+
+Then her irons being struck off by the torturer, the aforesaid has
+removed her dress, and has maliciously and with evil design bewildered
+and attacked our understandings with the sight of her body, the which,
+for a fact, exercises upon a man supernatural coercion.
+
+Master Guillaume Tournebouche has, by reason of nature, quitted the
+pen at this period, and retired, objecting that he was unable, without
+incredible temptations, which worked in his brain, to be a witness of
+this torture, because he felt the devil violently gaining his person.
+
+This finishes the second interrogatory; and as the apparitor and
+janitor of the chapter have stated Master Francois de Hangest to be in
+the country, the torture and interrogations are appointed for
+to-morrow at the hour of noon after mass.
+
+This has been written verbally by me, Hierome, in the absence of
+Master Guillaume Tournebouche, on whose behalf it is signed.
+
+HIEROME CORNILLE
+Grand Penitentiary.
+
+
+PETITION
+
+Today, the fourteenth day of the month of February, in the presence of
+me, Hierome Cornille, have appeared the said Masters Jehan Ribou,
+Antoine Jehan, Martin Beaupertuys, Hierome Maschefer, Jacques de Ville
+d’Omer, and the Sire d’Idre, in place of the mayor of the city of
+Tours, for the time absent. All plaintiffs designated in the act of
+process made at the Town Hall, to whom we have, at the request of
+Blanche Bruyn (now confessing herself a nun of the convent of Mount
+Carmel, under the name of Sister Clare), declared the appeal made to
+the Judgment of God by the said person accused of demonical
+possession, and her offer to pass through the ordeal of fire and
+water, in presence of the Chapter and of the town of Tours, in order
+to prove her reality as a woman and her innocence.
+
+To this request have agreed for their parts, the said accusers, who,
+on condition that the town is security for it, have engaged to prepare
+a suitable place and a pile, to be approved by the godparents of the
+accused.
+
+Then by us, the judge, has the first day of the new year been
+appointed for the day of the ordeal--which will be next Paschal Day
+--and we have indicated the hour of noon, after mass, each of the
+parties having acknowledged this delay to be sufficient.
+
+And the present proclamation shall be cited, at the suit of each of
+them, in all the towns, boroughs, and castles of Touraine and the land
+of France, at their request and at their cost and suit.
+
+HIEROME CORNILLE.
+
+
+III
+WHAT THE SUCCUBUS DID TO SUCK OUT THE SOUL OF THE OLD JUDGE, AND
+WHAT CAME OF THE DIABOLICAL DELECTATION.
+
+This the act of extreme confession made the first day of the month of
+March, in the year one thousand two hundred and seventy-one, after the
+coming of our blessed Saviour, by Hierome Cornille, priest, canon of
+the chapter of the cathedral of St. Maurice, grand penitentiary, of
+all acknowledging himself unworthy, who, finding his last hour to be
+come, and contrite of his sins, evil doings, forfeits, bad deeds, and
+wickednesses, has desired his avowal to be published to serve the
+preconisation of the truth, the glory of God, the justice of the
+tribunal, and to be an alleviation to him of his punishment, in the
+other world. The said Hierome Cornille being on his deathbed, there
+had been convoked to hear his declarations, Jehan de la Haye (de
+Hago), vicar of the church of St. Maurice; Pietro Guyard, treasurer of
+the chapter, appointed by our Lord Jean de Monsoreau, Archbishop, to
+write his words; and Dom Louis Pot, a monk of maius MONASTERIUM
+(Marmoustier), chosen by him for a spiritual father and confessor; all
+three assisted by the great and illustrious Dr Guillaume de Censoris,
+Roman Archdeacon, at present sent into the diocese (LEGATUS), by our
+Holy Father the Pope; and, finally, in the presence of a great number
+of Christians come to be witnesses of the death of the said Hierome
+Cornille, upon his known wish to make act of public repentance, seeing
+that he was fast sinking, and that his words might open the eyes of
+Christians about to fall into hell.
+
+And before him, Hierome, who, by reason of his great weakness could
+not speak, has Dom Louis Pot read the following confession to the
+great agitation of the said company:--
+
+“My brethren, until the seventy-first year of my age, which is the one
+in which I now am, with the exception of the little sins through
+which, all holy though he be, a Christian renders himself culpable
+before God, but which it is allowed to us to repurchase by penitence,
+I believe I led a Christian life, and merited the praise and renown
+bestowed upon me in this diocese, where I was raised to the high
+office of grand penitentiary, of which I am unworthy. Now, struck with
+the knowledge of the infinite glory of God, horrified at the agonies
+which await the wicked and prevaricators in hell, I have thought to
+lessen the enormity of my sins by the greatest penitence I can show in
+the extreme hour at which I am. Thus I have prayed of the Church, whom
+I have deceived and betrayed, whose rights and judicial renown I have
+sold, to grant me the opportunity of accusing myself publicly in the
+manner of ancient Christians. I hoped, in order to show my great
+repentance, to have still enough life in me to be reviled at the door
+of the cathedral by all my brethren, to remain there an entire day on
+my knees, holding a candle, a cord around my neck, and my feet naked,
+seeing that I had followed the way of hell with regard to the sacred
+instincts of the Church. But in this great shipwreck of my fragile
+virtue, which will be to you as a warning to fly from vice and the
+snares of the demon, and to take refuge in the Church, where all help
+is, I have been so bewitched by Lucifer that our Saviour Jesus Christ
+will take, by the intercession of all you whose help and prayers I
+request, pity on me, a poor abused Christian, whose eyes now stream
+with tears. So would I have another life to spend in works of
+penitence. Now then listen and tremble with great fear! Elected by the
+assembled Chapter to carry it out, instruct, and complete the process
+commenced against a demon, who had appeared in a feminine shape, in
+the person of a relapse nun--an abominable person, denying God, and
+bearing the name of Zulma in the infidel country whence she comes; the
+which devil is known in the diocese under that of Clare, of the
+convent of Mount Carmel, and has much afflicted the town by putting
+herself under an infinite number of men to gain their souls to Mammon,
+Astaroth, and Satan--princes of hell, by making them leave this world
+in a state of mortal sin, and causing their death where life has its
+source, I have, I the judge, fallen in my latter days into this snare,
+and have lost my senses, while acquitting myself traitorously of the
+functions committed with great confidence by the Chapter to my cold
+senility. Hear how subtle the demon is, and stand firm against her
+artifices. While listening to the first response of the aforesaid
+Succubus, I saw with horror that the irons placed upon her feet and
+hands left no mark there, and was astonished at her hidden strength
+and at her apparent weakness. Then my mind was troubled suddenly at
+the sight of the natural perfections with which the devil was endowed.
+I listened to the music of her voice, which warmed me from head to
+foot, and made me desire to be young, to give myself up to this demon,
+thinking that for an hour passed in her company my eternal salvation
+was but poor payment for the pleasure of love tasted in those slender
+arms. Then I lost that firmness with which all judges should be
+furnished. This demon by me questioned, reasoned with me in such a
+manner that at the second interrogatory I was firmly persuaded I
+should be committing a crime in fining and torturing a poor little
+creature who cried like an innocent child. Then warned by a voice from
+on high to do my duty, and that these golden words, the music of
+celestial appearance, were diabolical mummeries, that this body, so
+pretty, so infatuating, would transmute itself into a bristly beast
+with sharp claws, those eyes so soft into flames of hell, her behind
+into a scaly tail, the pretty rosebud mouth and gentle lips into the
+jaws of a crocodile, I came back to my intention of having the said
+Succubus tortured until she avowed her permission, as this practice
+had already been followed in Christianity. Now when this demon showed
+herself stripped to me, to be put to the torture, I was suddenly
+placed in her power by magical conjurations. I felt my old bones
+crack, my brain received a warm light, my heart transhipped young and
+boiling blood. I was light in myself, and by virtue of the magic
+philter thrown into my eyes the snows on my forehead melted away. I
+lost all conscience of my Christian life and found myself a schoolboy,
+running about the country, escaped from class and stealing apples. I
+had not the power to make the sign of the cross, neither did I
+remember the Church, God the Father, nor the sweet Saviour of men. A
+prey to this design, I went about the streets thinking over the
+delights of that voice, the abominable, pretty body of this demon, and
+saying a thousand wicked things to myself. Then pierced and drawn by a
+blow of the devil’s fork, who had planted himself already in my head
+as a serpent in an oak, I was conducted by this sharp prong towards
+the jail, in spite of my guardian angel, who from time to time pulled
+me by the arm and defended me against these temptations, but in spite
+of his holy advice and his assistance I was dragged by a million claws
+stuck into my heart, and soon found myself in the jail. As soon as the
+door was opened to me I saw no longer any appearance of a prison,
+because the Succubus had there, with the assistance of evil genii or
+fays, constructed a pavilion of purple and silk, full of perfumes and
+flowers, where she was seated, superbly attired with neither irons on
+her neck nor chains on her feet. I allowed myself to be stripped of my
+ecclesiastical vestments, and was put into a scent bath. Then the
+demon covered me with a Saracen robe, entertained me with a repast of
+rare viands contained in precious vases, gold cups, Asiatic wines,
+songs and marvellous music, and a thousand sweet sounds that tickled
+my soul by means of my ears. At my side kept always the said Succubus,
+and her sweet, delectable embrace distilled new ardour into my
+members. My guardian angel quitted me. Then I lived only by the
+terrible light of the Moorish woman’s eyes, coveted the warm embraces
+of the delicate body, wished always to feel her red lips, that I
+believed natural, and had no fear of the bite of those teeth which
+drew me to the bottom of hell, I delighted to feel the unequalled
+softness of her hands without thinking that they were unnatural claws.
+In short, I acted like husband desiring to go to his affianced without
+thinking that that spouse was everlasting death. I had no thought for
+the things of this world nor the interests of God, dreaming only of
+love, of the sweet breasts of this woman, who made me burn, and of the
+gate of hell in which I wished to cast myself. Alas! my brethren,
+during three days and three nights was I thus constrained to toil
+without being able to stop the stream which flowed from my reins, in
+which were plunged, like two pikes, the hands of the Succubus, which
+communicated to my poor old age and to my dried up bones, I know not
+what sweat of love. At first this demon, to draw me to her, caused to
+flow in my inside the softness of milk, then came poignant joys which
+pricked like a hundred needles my bones, my marrow, my brain, and my
+nerves. Then all this gone, all things became inflamed, my head, my
+blood, my nerves, my flesh, my bones, and then I burned with the real
+fire of hell, which caused me torments in my joints, and an
+incredible, intolerable, tearing voluptuousness which loosened the
+bonds of my life. The tresses of this demon, which enveloped my poor
+body, poured upon me a stream of flame, and I felt each lock like a
+bar of red iron. During this mortal delectation I saw the ardent face
+of the said Succubus, who laughed and addressed to me a thousand
+exciting words; such as that I was her knight, her lord, her lance,
+her day, her joy, her hero, her life, her good, her rider, and that
+she would like to clasp me even closer, wishing to be in my skin or
+have me in hers. Hearing which, under the prick of this tongue which
+sucked out my soul, I plunged and precipitated myself finally into
+hell without finding the bottom. And then when I had no more a drop of
+blood in my veins, when my heart no longer beat in my body, and I was
+ruined at all points, the demon, still fresh, white, rubicund,
+glowing, and laughing, said to me--
+
+“‘Poor fool, to think me a demon! Had I asked thee to sell thy soul
+for a kiss, wouldst thou not give it to me with all thy heart?’
+
+“‘Yes,’ said I.
+
+“‘And if always to act thus it were necessary for thee to nourish
+thyself with the blood of new-born children in order always to have
+new life to spend in my arms, would you not imbibe it willingly?’
+
+“‘Yes,’ said I.
+
+“‘And to be always my gallant horseman, gay as a man in his prime,
+feeling life, drinking pleasure, plunging to the depths of joy as a
+swimmer into the Loire, wouldst thou not deny God, wouldst thou not
+spit in the face of Jesus?’
+
+“‘Yes,’ said I.
+
+“Then I felt a hundred sharp claws which tore my diaphragm as if the
+beaks of a thousand birds there took their bellyfuls, shrieking. Then
+I was lifted suddenly above the earth upon the said Succubus, who had
+spread her wings, and cried to me--
+
+“‘Ride, ride, my gallant rider! Hold yourself firmly on the back of
+thy mule, by her mane, by her neck; and ride, ride, my gallant rider
+--everything rides!’ And then I saw, as a thick fog, the cities of the
+earth, where by a special gift I perceived each one coupled with a
+female demon, and tossing about, and engendering in great
+concupiscence, all shrieking a thousand words of love and exclamations
+of all kinds, and all toiling away with ecstasy. Then my horse with
+the Moorish head pointed out to me, still flying and galloping beyond
+the clouds, the earth coupled with the sun in a conjunction, from
+which proceeded a germ of stars, and there each female world was
+embracing a male world; but in place of the words used by creatures,
+the worlds were giving forth the howls of tempests, throwing up
+lightnings and crying thunders. Then still rising, I saw overhead the
+female nature of all things in love with the Prince of Movement. Now,
+by way of mockery, the Succubus placed me in the centre of this
+horrible and perpetual conflict, where I was lost as a grain of sand
+in the sea. Then still cried my white mare to me, ‘Ride, ride my
+gallant rider--all things ride!’ Now, thinking how little was a priest
+in this torment of the seed of worlds, nature always clasped together,
+and metals, stones, waters, airs, thunders, fish, plants, animals,
+men, spirits, worlds and planets, all embracing with rage, I denied
+the Catholic faith. Then the Succubus, pointing out to me the great
+patch of stars seen in heavens, said to me, ‘That way is a drop of
+celestial seed escaped from great flow of the worlds in conjunction.’
+Thereupon I instantly clasped the Succubus with passion by the light
+of a thousand million of stars, and I wished in clasping her to feel
+the nature of those thousand million creatures. Then by this great
+effort of love I fell impotent in every way, and heard a great
+infernal laugh. Then I found myself in my bed, surrounded by my
+servitors, who had had the courage to struggle with the demon,
+throwing into the bed where I was stretched a basin full of holy
+water, and saying fervent prayers to God. Then had I to sustain, in
+spite of this assistance, a horrible combat with the said Succubus,
+whose claws still clutched my heart, causing me infinite pains; still,
+while reanimated by the voice of my servitors, relations, and friends,
+I tried to make the sacred sign of the cross; the Succubus perched on
+my bed, on the bolster, at the foot, everywhere, occupying herself in
+distracting my nerves, laughing, grimacing, putting before my eyes a
+thousand obscene images, and causing me a thousand wicked desires.
+Nevertheless, taking pity on me, my lord the Archbishop caused the
+relics of St. Gatien to be brought, and the moment the shrine had
+touched my bed the said Succubus was obliged to depart, leaving an
+odour of sulphur and of hell, which made the throats of my servants,
+friends, and others sore for a whole day. Then the celestial light of
+God having enlightened my soul, I knew I was, through my sins and my
+combat with the evil spirit, in great danger of dying. Then did I
+implore the especial mercy, to live just a little time to render glory
+to God and his Church, objecting the infinite merits of Jesus dead
+upon the cross for the salvation of the Christians. By this prayer I
+obtained the favour of recovering sufficient strength to accuse myself
+of my sins, and to beg of the members of the Church of St. Maurice
+their aid and assistance to deliver me from purgatory, where I am
+about to atone for my faults by infinite agonies. Finally, I declare
+that my proclamation, wherein the said demon appeals the judgment of
+God by the ordeals of holy water and a fire, is a subterfuge due to an
+evil design suggested by the said demon, who would thus have had the
+power to escape the justice of the tribunal of the Archbishop and of
+the Chapter, seeing that she secretly confessed to me, to be able to
+make another demon accustomed to the ordeal appear in her place. And,
+in conclusion, I give and bequeath to the Chapter of the Church of St.
+Maurice my property of all kinds, to found a chapter in the said
+church, to build it and adorn it and put it under the invocation of
+St. Hierome and St. Gatien, of whom one is my patron and the other the
+saviour of my soul.”
+
+This, heard by all the company, has been brought to the notice of the
+ecclesiastical tribunal by Jehan to la Haye (Johannes de Haga).
+
+
+We, Jehan de la Haye (Johannes de Haga), elected grand penitentiary of
+St. Maurice by the general assembly of the Chapter, according to the
+usage and custom of that church, and appointed to pursue afresh the
+trial of the demon Succubus, at present in the jail of the Chapter,
+have ordered a new inquest, at which will be heard all those of this
+diocese having cognisance of the facts relative thereto. We declared
+void the other proceedings, interrogations, and decrees, and annul
+them in the name of the members of the Church in general, and
+sovereign Chapter assembled, and declare that the appeal to God,
+traitorously made by the demon, shall not take place, in consequence
+of the notorious treachery of the devil in this affair. And the said
+judgment shall be cried by sound of trumpet in all parts of the
+diocese in which have been published the false edicts of the preceding
+month, all notoriously due to the instigation of the demon, according
+to the confession of the late Hierome Cornille.
+
+Let all good Christians be of assistance to our Holy Church, and to
+her commandments.
+
+JEHAN  DE  LA HAYE.
+
+
+IV
+HOW THE MOORISH WOMAN OF THE RUE CHAUDE TWISTED ABOUT SO BRISKLY
+THAT WITH GREAT DIFFICULTY WAS SHE BURNED AND COOKED ALIVE, TO
+THE GREAT LOSS OF THE INFERNAL REGIONS.
+
+This was written in the month of May, of the year 1360, after the
+manner of a testament.
+
+
+“My very dear and well-beloved son, when it shall be lawful for thee
+to read this I shall be, I thy father, reposing in the tomb, imploring
+thy prayers, and supplicating thee to conduct thyself in life as it
+will be commanded thee in this rescript, bequeathed for the good
+government of thy family, thy future, and safety; for I have done this
+at a period when I had my senses and understanding, still recently
+affected by the sovereign injustice of men. In my virile age I had a
+great ambition to raise myself in the Church, and therein to obtain
+the highest dignities, because no life appeared to me more splendid.
+Now with this earnest idea, I learned to read and write, and with
+great trouble became in a fit condition to enter the clergy. But
+because I had no protection, or good advice to superintend my training
+I had an idea of becoming the writer, tabellion, and rubrican of the
+Chapter of St. Maurice, in which were the highest and richest
+personages of Christendom, since the King of France is only therein a
+simple canon. Now there I should be able better than anywhere else to
+find services to render to certain lords, and thus to find a master or
+gain patronage, and by this assistance enter into religion, and be
+mitred and esconced in an archiepiscopal chair, somewhere or other.
+But this first vision was over credulous, and a little too ambitious,
+the which God caused me clearly to perceive by the sequel. In fact,
+Messire Jepan de Villedomer, who afterwards became cardinal, was given
+this appointment, and I was rejected, discomfited. Now in this unhappy
+hour I received an alleviation of my troubles, by the advice of the
+good old Hierome Cornille, of whom I have often spoken to you. This
+dear man induced me, by his kindness, to become penman to the Chapter
+of St. Maurice and the Archbishop of Tours, the which offer I accepted
+with joy, since I was reputed a scrivener. At the time I was about to
+enter into the presbytery commenced the famous process against the
+devil of the Rue Chaude, of which the old folk still talk, and which
+in its time, has been recounted in every home in France. Now,
+believing that it would be of great advantage to my ambition, and that
+for this assistance the Chapter would raise me to some dignity, my
+good master had me appointed for the purpose of writing all of that
+should be in this grave cause, subject to writing. At the very outset
+Monseigneur Hierome Cornille, a man approaching eighty years, of great
+sense, justice, and sound understanding, suspected some spitefulness
+in this cause, although he was not partial to immodest girls, and had
+never been involved with a woman in his life, and was holy and
+venerable, with a sanctity which had caused him to be selected as a
+judge, all this not withstanding. As soon as the depositions were
+completed, and the poor wench heard, it remained clear that although
+this merry doxy had broken her religious vows, she was innocent of all
+devilry, and that her great wealth was coveted by her enemies, and
+other persons, whom I must not name to thee for reasons of prudence.
+At this time every one believed her to be so well furnished with
+silver and gold that she could have bought the whole county of
+Touraine, if so it had pleased her. A thousand falsehoods and
+calumnious words concerning the girl, envied by all the honest women,
+were circulated and believed in as gospel. At this period Master
+Hierome Cornille, having ascertained that no demon other than that of
+love was in the girl, made her consent to remain in a convent for the
+remainder of her days. And having ascertained certain noble knights
+brave in war and rich in domains, that they would do everything to
+save her, he invited her secretly to demand of her accusers the
+judgment of God, at the same time giving her goods to the chapter, in
+order to silence mischievous tongues. By this means would be saved
+from the stake the most delicate flower that ever heaven has allowed
+to fall upon our earth; the which flower yielded only from excessive
+tenderness and amiability to the malady of love, cast by her eyes into
+the hearts of all her pursuers. But the real devil, under the form of
+a monk, mixed himself up in this affair; in this wise: great enemy of
+the virtue, wisdom, and sanctity of Monsignor Hierome Cornille, named
+Jehan de la Haye, having learned that in the jail, the poor girl was
+treated like a queen, wickedly accused the grand penitentiary of
+connivance with her and of being her servitor, because, said this
+wicked priest, she makes him young, amorous, and happy, from which the
+poor old man died of grief in one day, knowing by this that Jehan de
+la Haye had worn his ruin and coveted his dignities. In fact, our lord
+the archbishop visited the jail, and found the Moorish woman in a
+pleasant place, reposing comfortably, and without irons, because,
+having placed a diamond in a place when none could have believed she
+could have held it, she had purchased the clemency of her jailer. At
+the time certain persons said that this jailer was smitten with her,
+and that from love, or perhaps in great fear of the young barons,
+lovers of this woman, he had planned her escape. The good man Cornille
+being at the point of death, through the treachery of Jehan de la
+Haye, the Chapter thinking it necessary to make null and void the
+proceedings taken by the penitentiary, and also his decrees, the said
+Jehan de la Haye, at that time a simple vicar of the cathedral,
+pointed out that to do this it would be sufficient to obtain a public
+confession from the good man on his death-bed. Then was the moribund
+tortured and tormented by the gentleman of the Chapter, those of Saint
+Martin, those of Marmoustiers, by the archbishop and also by the
+Pope’s legate, in order that he might recant to the advantage of the
+Church, to which the good man would not consent. But after a thousand
+ills, the public confession was prepared, at which the most noteworthy
+people of the town assisted, and the which spread more horror and
+consternation than I can describe. The churches of the diocese held
+public prayers for this calamity, and every one expected to see the
+devil tumble into his house by the chimney. But the truth of it is
+that the good Master Hierome had a fever, and saw cows in his room,
+and then was this recantation obtained of him. The access passed, the
+poor saint wept copiously on learning this trick from me. In fact, he
+died in my arms, assisted by his physicians, heartbroken at this
+mummery, telling us that he was going to the feet of God to pray to
+prevent the consummation of this deplorable iniquity. The poor Moorish
+woman had touched him much by her tears and repentance, seing that
+before making her demand for the judgment of God he had minutely
+confessed her, and by that means had disentangled the soul divine
+which was in the body, and of which he spoke as of a diamond worthy of
+adorning the holy crown of God, when she should have departed this
+life, after repenting her sins. Then, my dear son, knowing by the
+statements made in the town, and by the naive responses of this
+unhappy wretch, all the trickery of this affair, I determined by the
+advice of Master Francois de Hangest, physician of the chapter, to
+feign an illness and quit the service of the Church of St. Maurice and
+of the archbishopric, in order not to dip my hands in the innocent
+blood, which still cries and will continue to cry aloud unto God until
+the day of the last judgment. Then was the jailer dismissed, and in
+his place was put the second son of the torturer, who threw the
+Moorish woman into a dungeon, and inhumanly put upon her hands and
+feet chains weighing fifty pounds, besides a wooden waistband; and the
+jail were watched by the crossbowmen of the town and the people of the
+archbishop. The wench was tormented and tortured, and her bones were
+broken; conquered by sorrow, she made an avowal according to the
+wishes of Jehan de la Haye, and was instantly condemned to be burned
+in the enclosure of St. Etienne, having been previously placed in the
+portals of the church, attired in a chemise of sulphur, and her goods
+given over to the Chapter, et cetera. This order was the cause of
+great disturbances and fighting in the town, because three young
+knights of Touraine swore to die in the service of the poor girl, and
+to deliver her in all possible ways. Then they came into the town,
+accompanied by thousands of sufferers, labouring people, old soldiers,
+warriors, courtesans, and others, whom the said girls had succoured,
+saved from misfortune, from hunger and misery, and searched all the
+poor dwellings of the town where lay those to whom she had done good.
+Thus all were stirred up and called together to the plain of
+Mount-Louis under the protection of the soldiers of the said lords;
+they had for companions all the scape-graces of the said twenty
+leagues around, and came one morning to lay siege to the prison of the
+archbishop, demanding that the Moorish woman should be given up to
+them as though they would put her to death, but in fact to set her
+free, and to place her secretly upon a swift horse, that she might
+gain the open country, seeing that she rode like a groom. Then in this
+frightful tempest of men have we seen between the battlements of the
+archiepiscopal palace and the bridges, more than ten thousand men
+swarming, besides those who were perched upon the roofs of the houses
+and climbing on all the balconies to see the sedition; in short it was
+easy to hear the horrible cries of the Christians, who were terribly in
+earnest, and of those who surrounded the jail with the intention of
+setting the poor girl free, across the Loire, the other side of Saint
+Symphorien. The suffocation and squeezing of bodies was so great in
+this immense crowd, bloodthirsty for the poor creature at whose knees
+they would have fallen had they had the opportunity of seeing her, that
+seven children, eleven women, and eight citizens were crushed and
+smashed beyond all recognition, since they were like splodges of mud;
+in short, so wide open was the great mouth of this popular leviathan,
+this horrible monster, that the clamour was heard at
+Montils-les-Tours. All cried ‘Death to the Succubus! Throw out the
+demon! Ha! I’d like a quarter! I’ll have her skin! The foot for me, the
+mane for thee! The head for me! The something for me! Is it red? Shall
+we see? Will it be grilled? Death to her! death!’ Each one had his say.
+But the cry, ‘Largesse to God! Death to the Succubus!’ was yelled at
+the same time by the crowd so hoarsely and so cruelly that one’s ears
+and heart bled therefrom; and the other cries were scarcely heard in
+the houses. The archbishop decided, in order to calm this storm which
+threatened to overthrow everything, to come out with great pomp from
+the church, bearing the host, which would deliver the Chapter from
+ruin, since the wicked young men and the lords had sworn to destroy
+and burn the cloisters and all the canons. Now by this stratagem the
+crowd was obliged to break up, and from lack of provisions return to
+their houses. Then the monks of Touraine, the lords, and the citizens,
+in great apprehension of pillage on the morrow, held a nocturnal
+council, and accepted the advice of the Chapter. By their efforts the
+men-at-arms, archers, knights, and citizens, in a large number, kept
+watch, and killed a party of shepherds, road menders, and vagrants,
+who, knowing the disturbed state of Tours, came to swell the ranks of
+the malcontents. The Sire Harduin de Maille, an old nobleman, reasoned
+with the young knights, who were the champions of the Moorish woman,
+and argued sagely with them, asking them if for so small a woman they
+wished to put Touraine to fire and sword; that even if they were
+victorious they would be masters of the bad characters brought
+together by them; that these said freebooters, after having sacked the
+castles of their enemies, would turn to those of their chiefs. That
+the rebellion commenced had had no success in the first attack,
+because up to that time the place was untouched, could they have any
+over the church, which would invoke the aid of the king? And a
+thousand other arguments. To these reasons the young knights replied,
+that it was easy for the Chapter to aid the girl’s escape in the
+night, and that thus the cause of the sedition would be removed. To
+this humane and wise requests replied Monseigneur de Censoris, the
+Pope’s legate, that it was necessary that strength should remain with
+the religion of the Church. And thereupon the poor wench payed for
+all, since it was agreed that no inquiry should be made concerning
+this sedition.
+
+“Then the Chapter had full licence to proceed to the penance of the
+girl, to which act and ecclesiastical ceremony the people came from
+twelve leagues around. So that on the day when, after divine
+satisfaction, the Succubus was to be delivered up to secular justice,
+in order to be publicly burnt at a stake, not for a gold pound would a
+lord or even an abbott have been found lodging in the town of Tours.
+The night before many camped outside the town in tents, or slept upon
+straw. Provisions were lacking, and many who came with their bellies
+full, returned with their bellies empty, having seen nothing but the
+reflection of the fire in the distance. And the bad characters did
+good strokes of business by the way.
+
+“The poor courtesan was half dead; her hair had whitened. She was, to
+tell the truth, nothing but a skeleton, scarcely covered with flesh,
+and her chains weighed more than she did. If she had had joy in her
+life, she paid dearly for it at this moment. Those who saw her pass
+say that she wept and shrieked in a way that should have earned the
+pity of her hardest pursuers; and in the church there were compelled
+to put a piece of wood in her mouth, which she bit as a lizard bites a
+stick. Then the executioner tied her to a stake to sustain her, since
+she let herself roll at times and fell for want of strength. Then she
+suddenly recovered a vigorous handful, because, this notwithstanding,
+she was able, it is said to break her cords and escape into the
+church, where in remembrance of her old vocation, she climbed quickly
+into galleries above, flying like a bird along the little columns and
+small friezes. She was about to escape on to the roof when a soldier
+perceived her, and thrust his spear in the sole of her foot. In spite
+of her foot half cut through, the poor girl still ran along the church
+without noticing it, going along with her bones broken and her blood
+gushing out, so great fear had she of the flames of the stake. At last
+she was taken and bound, thrown into a tumbrel and led to the stake,
+without being afterwards heard to utter a cry. The account of her
+flight in the church assisted in making the common people believe that
+she was the devil, and some of them said that she had flown in the
+air. As soon as the executioner of the town threw her into the flames,
+she made two or three horrible leaps and fell down into the bottom of
+the pile, which burned day and night. On the following evening I went
+to see if anything remained of this gentle girl, so sweet, so loving,
+but I found nothing but a fragment of the ‘os stomachal,’ in which, is
+spite of this, there still remained some moisture, and which some say
+still trembled like a woman does in the same place. It is impossible
+to tell, my dear son, the sadnesses, without number and without equal,
+which for about ten years weighed upon me; always was I thinking of
+this angel burnt by wicked men, and always I beheld her with her eyes
+full of love. In short the supernatural gifts of this artless child
+were shining day and night before me, and I prayed for her in the
+church, where she had been martyred. At length I had neither the
+strength nor the courage to look without trembling upon the grand
+penitentiary Jehan de la Haye, who died eaten up by lice. Leprosy was
+his punishment. Fire burned his house and his wife; and all those who
+had a hand in the burning had their own hands singed.
+
+“This, my well-beloved son, was the cause of a thousand ideas, which I
+have here put into writing to be forever the rule of conduct in our
+family.
+
+“I quitted the service of the church, and espoused your mother, from
+whom I received infinite blessings, and with whom I shared my life, my
+goods, my soul, and all. And she agreed with me in following precepts
+--Firstly, that to live happily, it is necessary to keep far away from
+church people, to honour them much without giving them leave to enter
+your house, any more than to those who by right, just or unjust, are
+supposed to be superior to us. Secondly, to take a modest condition,
+and to keep oneself in it without wishing to appear in any way rich.
+To have a care to excite no envy, nor strike any onesoever in any
+manner, because it is needful to be as strong as an oak, which kills
+the plants at its feet, to crush envious heads, and even then would
+one succumb, since human oaks are especially rare and that no
+Tournebouche should flatter himself that he is one, granting that he
+be a Tournebouche. Thirdly, never to spend more than one quarter of
+one’s income, conceal one’s wealth, hide one’s goods and chattels, to
+undertake no office, to go to church like other people, and always
+keep one’s thoughts to oneself, seeing that they belong to you and not
+to others, who twist them about, turn them after their own fashion,
+and make calumnies therefrom. Fourthly, always to remain in the
+condition of the Tournebouches, who are now and forever drapers. To
+marry your daughters to good drapers, send your sons to be drapers in
+other towns of France furnished with these wise precepts, and to bring
+them up to the honour of drapery, and without leaving any dream of
+ambition in their minds. A draper like a Tournebouche should be their
+glory, their arms, their name, their motto, their life. Thus by being
+always drapers, they will be always Tournebouches, and rub on like the
+good little insects, who, once lodged in the beam, made their dens,
+and go on with security to the end of their ball of thread. Fifthly
+never to speak any other language than that of drapery, and never to
+dispute concerning religion or government. And even though the
+government of the state, the province, religion, and God turn about,
+or have a fancy to go to the right or to the left, always in your
+quality of Tournebouche, stick to your cloth. Thus unnoticed by the
+others of the town, the Tournebouches will live in peace with their
+little Tournebouches--paying the tithes and taxes, and all that they
+are required by force to give, be it to God, or to the king, to the
+town of to the parish, with all of whom it is unwise to struggle. Also
+it is necessary to keep the patrimonial treasure, to have peace and to
+buy peace, never to owe anything, to have corn in the house, and enjoy
+yourselves with the doors and windows shut.
+
+“By this means none will take from the Tournebouches, neither the
+state, nor the Church, nor the Lords, to whom should the case be that
+force is employed, you will lend a few crowns without cherishing the
+idea of ever seeing him again--I mean the crowns.
+
+“Thus, in all seasons people will love the Tournebouches, will mock
+the Tournebouches as poor people--as the slow Tournebouches, as
+Tournebouches of no understanding. Let the know-nothings say on. The
+Tournebouches will neither be burned nor hanged, to the advantage of
+King or Church, or other people; and the wise Tournebouches will have
+secretly money in their pockets, and joy in their houses, hidden from
+all.
+
+“Now, my dear son, follow this the counsel of a modest and
+middle-class life. Maintain this in thy family as a county charter;
+and when you die, let your successor maintain it as the sacred gospel
+of the Tournebouches, until God wills it that there be no longer
+Tournebouches in this world.”
+
+This letter has been found at the time of the inventory made in the
+house of Francois Tournebouche, lord of Veretz, chancellor to
+Monseigneur the Dauphin, and condemned at the time of the rebellion of
+the said lord against the King to lose his head, and have all his
+goods confiscated by order of the Parliament of Paris. The said letter
+has been handed to the Governor of Touraine as an historical
+curiosity, and joined to the pieces of the process in the
+archbishopric of Tours, by me, Pierre Gaultier, Sheriff, President of
+the Trades Council.
+
+The author having finished the transcription and deciphering of these
+parchments, translating them from their strange language into French,
+the donor of them declared that the Rue Chaude at Tours was so called,
+according to certain people, because the sun remained there longer
+than in all other parts. But in spite of this version, people of lofty
+understanding will find, in the warm way of the said Succubus, the
+real origin of the said name. In which acquiesces the author. This
+teaches us not to abuse our body, but use it wisely in view of our
+salvation.
+
+
+
+                          DESPAIR IN LOVE
+
+At the time when King Charles the Eighth took it into his head to
+decorate the castle of Amboise, they came with him certain workmen,
+master sculptors, good painters, and masons, or architects, who
+ornamented the galleries with splendid works, which, through neglect,
+have since been much spoiled.
+
+At that time the court was staying in this beautiful locality, and, as
+everyone knows, the king took great pleasure in watching his people
+work out their ideas. Among these foreign gentlemen was an Italian,
+named Angelo Cappara, a most worthy young man, and, in spite of his
+age, a better sculptor and engraver than any of them; and it
+astonished many to see one in the April of his life so clever. Indeed,
+there had scarcely sprouted upon his visage the hair which imprints
+upon a man virile majesty. To this Angelo the ladies took a great
+fancy because he was charming as a dream, and as melancholy as a dove
+left solitary in its nest by the death of its mate. And this was the
+reason thereof: this sculptor knew the curse of poverty, which mars
+and troubles all the actions of life; he lived miserably, eating
+little, ashamed of his pennilessness, and made use of his talents only
+through great despair, wishing by any means to win that idle life
+which is the best all for those whose minds are occupied. The
+Florentine, out of bravado, came to the court gallantly attired, and
+from the timidity of youth and misfortune dared not ask his money from
+the king, who, seeing him thus dressed, believed him well with
+everything. The courtiers and the ladies used all to admire his
+beautiful works, and also their author; but of money he got none. All,
+and the ladies above all, finding him rich by nature, esteemed him
+well off with his youth, his long black hair, and bright eyes, and did
+not give a thought to lucre, while thinking of these things and the
+rest. Indeed they were quite right, since these advantages gave to
+many a rascal of the court, lands, money and all. In spite of his
+youthful appearance, Master Angelo was twenty years of age, and no
+fool, had a large heart, a head full of poetry; and more than that,
+was a man of lofty imaginings. But although he had little confidence
+in himself, like all poor and unfortunate people, he was astonished at
+the success of the ignorant. He fancied that he was ill-fashioned,
+either in body or mind, and kept his thoughts to himself. I am wrong,
+for he told them in the clear starlight nights to the shadows, to God,
+to the devil, and everything about him. At such times he would lament
+his fate in having a heart so warm, that doubtless the ladies avoided
+him as they would a red-hot iron; then he would say to himself how he
+would worship a beautiful mistress, how all his life long he would
+honour her, and with what fidelity he would attach himself to her,
+with what affection serve her, how studiously obey her commands, with
+what sports he would dispel the light clouds of her melancholy sadness
+on the days when the skies should be overcast. Fashioning himself one
+out of his imagination, he would throw himself at her feet, kiss,
+fondle, caress, bite, and clasp her with as much reality as a prisoner
+scampers over the grass when he sees the green fields through the bars
+of his cell. Thus he would appeal to her mercy; overcome with his
+feelings, would stop her breath with his embraces, would become daring
+in spite of his respect, and passionately bite the clothes of his bed,
+seeking this celestial lady, full of courage when by himself, but
+abashed on the morrow if he passed one by. Nevertheless, inflamed by
+these amorous advances, he would hammer way anew at his marble
+figures, would carve beautiful breasts, to bring the water into one’s
+mouth at the sight of those sweet fruits of love, without counting the
+other things that he raised, carved, and caressed with the chisels,
+smoothed down with his file, and fashioned in a manner that would make
+their use intelligible to the mind of a greenhorn, and stain his
+verdure in a single day. The ladies would criticise these beauties,
+and all of them were smitten with the youthful Cappara. And the
+youthful Cappara would eye them up and down, swearing that the day one
+of them gave him her little finger to kiss, he would have his desire.
+
+Among these high-born ladies there came one day one by herself to the
+young Florentine, asking him why he was so shy, and if none of the
+court ladies could make him sociable. Then she graciously invited him
+to come to her house that evening.
+
+Master Angelo perfumes himself, purchases a velvet mantle with a
+double fringe of satin, borrows from a friend a cloak with wide
+sleeves, a slashed doublet, and silken hose, arrives at the house, and
+ascends the stairs with hasty feet, hope beaming from his eyes,
+knowing not what to do with his heart, which leaped and bounded like a
+goat; and, to sum up, so much over head and ears in love, that the
+perspiration trickled down his back.
+
+You may be sure the lady was a beautiful, and Master Cappara was the
+more aware of it, since in his profession he had studied the mouldings
+of the arms, the lines of the body, the secret surroundings of the
+sex, and other mysteries. Now this lady satisfied the especial rules
+of art; and besides being fair and slender, she had a voice to disturb
+life in its source, to stir fire of a heart, brain, and everything; in
+short, she put into one’s imagination delicious images of love without
+thinking of it, which is the characteristic of these cursed women.
+
+The sculptor found her seated by the fire in a high chair, and the
+lady immediately commenced to converse at her ease, although Angelo
+could find no other replies than “Yes” and “No,” could get no other
+words from his throat nor idea in his brain, and would have beaten his
+head against the fireplace but for the happiness of gazing at and
+listening to his lovely mistress, who was playing there like a young
+fly in the sunshine. Because, which this mute admiration, both
+remained until the middle of the night, wandering slowly down the
+flowery path of love, the good sculptor went away radiant with
+happiness. On the road, he concluded in his own mind, that if a noble
+lady kept him rather close to her skirts during four hours of the
+night, it would not matter a straw if she kept him there the
+remainder. Drawing from these premises certain corollaries, he
+resolved to ask her favours as a simple woman. Then he determined to
+kill everybody--the husband, the wife, or himself--rather than lose
+the distaff whereon to spin one hour of joy. Indeed, he was so mad
+with love, that he believed life to be but a small stake in the game
+of love, since one single day of it was worth a thousand lives.
+
+The Florentine chiselled away at his statues, thinking of his evening,
+and thus spoiled many a nose thinking of something else. Noticing
+this, he left his work, perfumed himself, and went to listen to the
+sweet words of his lady, with the hope of turning them into deeds; but
+when he was in the presence of his sovereign, her feminine majesty
+made itself felt, and poor Cappara, such a lion in street, looked
+sheepish when gazing at his victim. This notwithstanding, towards the
+hour when desire becomes heated, he was almost in the lady’s lap and
+held her tightly clasped. He had obtained a kiss, had taken it, much
+to his delight; for, when they give it, the ladies retain the right of
+refusal, but when they left it to be taken, the lover may take a
+thousand. This is the reason why all of them are accustomed to let it
+be taken. The Florentine has stolen a great number, and things were
+going on admirably, when the lady, who had been thrifty with her
+favours, cried, “My husband!”
+
+And, in fact, my lord had just returned from playing tennis, and the
+sculptor had to leave the place, but not without receiving a warm
+glance from the lady interrupted in her pleasure. This was all his
+substance, pittance and enjoyment during a whole month, since on the
+brink of his joy always came the said husband, and he always arrived
+wisely between a point-blank refusal and those little sweet caresses
+with which women always season their refusals--little things which
+reanimate love and render it all the stronger. And when the sculptor,
+out of patience, commenced, immediately upon his arrival, the skirmish
+of the skirt, in order that victory might arrive before the husband,
+to whom, no doubt, these disturbances were not without profit, his
+fine lady, seeing desire written in the eyes of her sculptor,
+commenced endless quarrels and altercations; at first she pretended to
+be jealous in order to rail against love; then appeased the anger of
+the little one with the moisture of a kiss, then kept the conversation
+to herself, and kept on saying that her lover should be good, obedient
+to her will, otherwise she would not yield to him her life and soul;
+that a desire was a small thing to offer a mistress; that she was more
+courageous, because loving more she sacrificed more, and to his
+propositions she would exclaim, “Silence, sir!” with the air of a
+queen, and at times she would put on an angry look, to reply to the
+reproachs of Cappara: “If you are not as I wish you to be, I will no
+longer love you.”
+
+The poor Italian saw, when it was too late, that this was not a noble
+love, one of those which does not mete out joy as a miser his crowns;
+and that this lady took delight in letting him jump about outside the
+hedge and be master of everything, provided he touched not the garden
+of love. At this business Cappara became a savage enough to kill
+anyone, and took with him trusty companions, his friends, to whom he
+gave the task of attacking the husband while walking home to bed after
+his game of tennis with the king. He came to his lady at the
+accustomed hour when the sweet sports of love were in full swing,
+which sports were long, lasting kisses, hair twisted and untwisted,
+hand bitten with passion, ears as well; indeed, the whole business,
+with the exception of that especial thing which good authors rightly
+find abominable. The Florentine exclaims between two hearty kisses--
+
+“Sweet one, do you love me more than anything?”
+
+“Yes,” said she, because words never cost anything.
+
+“Well then,” replied the lover, “be mine in deed as in word.”
+
+“But,” said she, “my husband will be here directly.”
+
+“Is that the only reason?” said he.
+
+“Yes.”
+
+“I have friends who will cross him, and will not let him go unless I
+show a torch at this window. If he complain to the king, my friends
+will say, they thought they were playing a joke on one of their own
+set.”
+
+“Ah, my dear,” said she, “let me see if everyone in the house is gone
+to bed.”
+
+She rose, and held the light to the window. Seeing which Cappara blew
+out the candle, seized his sword, and placing himself in front of the
+woman, whose scorn and evil mind he recognised.
+
+“I will not kill you, madame,” said he, “but I will mark your face in
+such a manner you will never again coquette with young lovers whose
+lives you waste. You have deceived me shamefully, and are not a
+respectable woman. You must know that a kiss will never sustain life
+in a true lover, and that a kissed mouth needs the rest. Your have
+made my life forever dull and wretched; now I will make you remember
+forever my death, which you have caused. You shall never again behold
+yourself in a glass without seeing there my face also.” Then he raised
+his arm, and held the sword ready to cut off a good slice of the fresh
+fair cheek, where still all the traces of his kiss remained. And the
+lady exclaimed, “You wretch!”
+
+“Hold your tongue,” said he; “you told me that you loved me better
+than anything. Now you say otherwise; each evening have you raised me
+a little nearer to heaven; with one blow you cast me into hell, and
+you think that your petticoat can save you from a lover’s wrath--No!”
+
+“Ah, my Angelo! I am thine,” said she, marvelling at this man glaring
+with rage.
+
+But he, stepping three paces back, replied, “Ah, woman of the court
+and wicked heart, thou lovest, then, thy face better than thy lover.”
+
+She turned pale, and humbly held up her face, for she understood that
+at this moment her past perfidy wronged her present love. With a
+single blow Angelo slashed her face, then left her house, and quitted
+the country. The husband not having been stopped by reason of that
+light which was seen by the Florentines, found his wife minus her left
+cheek. But she spoke not a word in spite of her agony; she loved her
+Cappara more than life itself. Nevertheless, the husband wished to
+know whence preceded this wound. No one having been there except the
+Florentine, he complained to the king, who had his workman hastily
+pursued, and ordered him to be hanged at Blois. On the day of
+execution a noble lady was seized with a desire to save this
+courageous man, whom she believed to be a lover of the right sort. She
+begged the king to give him to her, which he did willingly. But
+Cappara declaring that he belonged entirely to his lady, the memory of
+whom he could not banish entirely, entered the Church, became a
+cardinal and a great savant, and used to say in his old age that he
+had existed upon the remembrance of the joys tasted in those poor
+hours of anguish; in which he was, at the same time, both very well
+and very badly treated by his lady. There are authors saying
+afterwards he succeeded better with his old sweetheart, whose cheek
+healed; but I cannot believe this, because he was a man of heart, who
+had a high opinion of the holy joys of love.
+
+This teaches us nothing worth knowing, unless it be that there are
+unlucky meetings in life, since this tale is in every way true. If in
+other places the author has overshot the truth, this one will gain for
+him the indulgence of the conclave or lovers.
+
+
+
+                              EPILOGUE
+
+This second series comes in the merry month of June, when all is green
+and gay, because the poor muse, whose slave the author is, has been
+more capricious then the love of a queen, and has mysteriously wished
+to bring forth her fruit in the time of flowers. No one can boast
+himself master of this fay. At times, when grave thoughts occupy the
+mind and grieve the brain, comes the jade whispering her merry tales
+in the author’s ear, tickling her lips with her feathers, dancing
+sarabands, and making the house echo with her laughter. If by chance
+the writer, abandoning science for pleasure, says to her, “Wait a
+moment, little one, till I come,” and runs in great haste to play with
+the madcap, she has disappeared. She has gone into her hole, hides
+herself there, rolls herself up, and retires. Take the poker, take a
+staff, a cudgel, a cane, raise them, strike the wench, and rave at
+her, she moans; strap her, she moans; caress her, fondle her, she
+moans; kiss her, say to her, “Here, little one,” she moans. Now she’s
+cold, now she is going to die; adieu to love, adieu to laughter, adieu
+to merriment, adieu to good stories. Wear mourning for her, weep and
+fancy her dead, groan. Then she raises her head, her merry laugh rings
+out again; she spreads her white wings, flies one knows not wither,
+turns in the air, capers, shows her impish tail, her woman’s breasts,
+her strong loins, and her angelic face, shakes her perfumed tresses,
+gambols in the rays of the sun, shines forth in all her beauty,
+changes her colours like the breast of a dove, laughs until she cries,
+cast the tears of her eyes into the sea, where the fishermen find them
+transmuted into pretty pearls, which are gathered to adorn the
+foreheads of queens. She twists about like a colt broken loose,
+exposing her virgin charms, and a thousand things so fair that a pope
+would peril his salvation for her at the mere sight of them. During
+these wild pranks of the ungovernable beast you meet fools and
+friends, who say to the poor poet, “Where are your tales? Where are
+your new volumes? You are a pagan prognosticator. Oh yes, you are
+known. You go to fetes and feasts, and do nothing between your meals.
+Where’s your work?”
+
+Although I am by nature partial to kindness, I should like to see one
+of these people impaled in the Turkish fashion, and thus equipped,
+sent on the Love Chase. Here endeth the second series; make the devil
+give it a lift with his horns, and it will be well received by a
+smiling Christendom.
+
+
+
+
+                             VOLUME III
+                        THE THIRD TEN TALES
+
+
+
+                              CONTENTS
+
+PROLOGUE
+PERSEVERANCE IN LOVE
+CONCERNING A PROVOST WHO DID NOT RECOGNISE THINGS
+ABOUT THE MONK AMADOR, WHO WAS A GLORIOUS ABBOT OF TURPENAY
+BERTHA THE PENITENT
+HOW THE PRETTY MAID OF PORTILLON CONVINCED HER JUDGE
+IN WHICH IT IS DEMONSTRATED THAT FORTUNE IS ALWAYS FEMININE
+CONCERNING A POOR MAN WHO WAS CALLED LE VIEUX PAR-CHEMINS
+ODD SAYINGS OF THREE PILGRIMS
+INNOCENCE
+THE FAIR IMPERIA MARRIED
+EPILOGUE
+
+
+
+                              PROLOGUE
+
+Certain persons have interrogated the author as to why there was such
+a demand for these tales that no year passes without his giving an
+instalment of them, and why he has lately taken to writing commas
+mixed up with bad syllables, at which the ladies publicly knit their
+brows, and have put to him other questions of a like character.
+
+The author declares that these treacherous words, cast like pebbles in
+his path, have touched him in the very depths of his heart, and he is
+sufficiently cognisant of his duty not to fail to give to his special
+audience in this prologue certain reasons other than the preceding
+ones, because it is always necessary to reason with children until
+they are grown up, understand things, and hold their tongues; and
+because he perceives many mischievous fellows among the crowd of noisy
+people, who ignore at pleasure the real object of these volumes.
+
+In the first place know, that if certain virtuous ladies--I say
+virtuous because common and low class women do not read these stories,
+preferring those that are never published; on the contrary, other
+citizens’ wives and ladies, of high respectability and godliness,
+although doubtless disgusted with the subject-matter, read them
+piously to satisfy an evil spirit, and thus keep themselves virtuous.
+Do you understand, my good reapers of horns? It is better to be
+deceived by the tale of a book than cuckolded through the story of a
+gentleman. You are saved the damage by this, poor fools! besides
+which, often your lady becomes enamoured, is seized with fecund
+agitations to your advantage, raised in her by the present book.
+Therefore do these volumes assist to populate the land and maintain it
+in mirth, honour and health. I say mirth, because much is to be
+derived from these tales. I say honour, because you save your nest
+from the claws of that youthful demon named cuckoldom in the language
+of the Celts. I say health, because this book incites that which was
+prescribed by the Church of Salerno, for the avoidance of cerebral
+plethora. Can you derive a like proof in any other typographically
+blackened portfolios? Ha! ha! where are the books that make children?
+Think! Nowhere. But you will find a glut of children making books
+which beget nothing but weariness.
+
+But to continue. Now be it known that when ladies, of a virtuous
+nature and a talkative turn of mind, converse publicly on the subject
+of these volumes, a great number of them, far from reprimanding the
+author, confess that they like him very much, esteem him a valiant
+man, worthy to be a monk in the Abbey of Theleme. For as many reasons
+as there are stars in the heavens, he does not drop the style which he
+has adopted in these said tales, but lets himself be vituperated, and
+keeps steadily on his way, because noble France is a woman who refuses
+to yield, crying, twisting about, and saying,
+
+“No, no, never! Oh, sir, what are you going to do? I won’t let you;
+you’d rumple me.”
+
+And when the volume is done and finished, all smiles, she exclaims,
+
+“Oh, master, are there any more to come?”
+
+You may take it for granted that the author is a merry fellow, who
+troubles himself little about the cries, tears and tricks of the lady
+you call glory, fashion, or public favour, for he knows her to be a
+wanton who would put up with any violence. He knows that in France her
+war-cry is _Mount Joy_! A fine cry indeed, but one which certain
+writers have disfigured, and which signifies, “Joy it is not of the
+earth, it is there; seize it, otherwise good-bye.” The author has this
+interpretation from Rabelais, who told it to him. If you search
+history, has France ever breathed a word when she was joyous mounted,
+bravely mounted, passionately mounted, mounted and out of breath? She
+goes furiously at everything, and likes this exercise better than
+drinking. Now, do you not see that these volumes are French, joyfully
+French, wildly French, French before, French behind, French to the
+backbone. Back then, curs! strike up the music; silence, bigots!
+advance my merry wags, my little pages, put your soft hands into the
+ladies’ hands and tickle them in the middle--of the hand of course.
+Ha! ha! these are high sounding and peripatetic reasons, or the author
+knows nothing of sound and the philosophy of Aristotle. He has on his
+side the crown of France and the oriflamme of the king and Monsieur
+St. Denis, who, having lost his head, said “Mount-my-Joy!” Do you mean
+to say, you quadrupeds, that the word is wrong? No. It was certainly
+heard by a great many people at the time; but in these days of deep
+wretchedness you believe nothing concerning the good old saints.
+
+The author has not finished yet. Know all ye who read these tales with
+eye and hand, feel them in the head alone, and love them for the joy
+they bring you, and which goes to your heart, know that the author
+having in an evil hour let his ideas, _id est_, his inheritance, go
+astray, and being unable to get them together again, found himself in
+a state of mental nudity. Then he cried like the woodcutter in the
+prologue of the book of his dear master Rabelais, in order to make
+himself heard by the gentleman on high, Lord Paramount of all things,
+and obtain from Him fresh ideas. This said Most High, still busy with
+the congress of the time, threw to him through Mercury an inkstand
+with two cups, on which was engraved, after the manner of a motto,
+these three letters, _Ave_. Then the poor fellow, perceiving no other
+help, took great care to turn over this said inkstand to find out the
+hidden meaning of it, thinking over the mysterious words and trying to
+find a key to them. First, he saw that God was polite, like the great
+Lord as He is, because the world is His, and He holds the title of it
+from no one. But since, in thinking over the days of his youth, he
+remembered no great service rendered to God, the author was in doubt
+concerning this hollow civility, and pondered long without finding out
+the real substance of the celestial utensil. By reason of turning it
+and twisting it about, studying it, looking at it, feeling it,
+emptying it, knocking it in an interrogatory manner, smacking it down,
+standing it up straight, standing it on one side, and turning it
+upside down, he read backwards _Eva_. Who is _Eva_, if not all women
+in one? Therefore by the Voice Divine was it said to the author:
+
+Think of women; woman will heal thy wound, stop the waste-hole in thy
+bag of tricks. Woman is thy wealth; have but one woman, dress,
+undress, and fondle that women, make use of the woman--woman is
+everything--woman has an inkstand of her own; dip thy pen in that
+bottomless inkpot. Women like love; make love to her with the pen
+only, tickle her phantasies, and sketch merrily for her a thousand
+pictures of love in a thousand pretty ways. Woman is generous, and all
+for one, or one for all, must pay the painter, and furnish the hairs
+of the brush. Now, muse upon that which is written here. _Ave_, Hail,
+_Eva_, woman; or _Eva_, woman, _Ave_, Hail. Yes, she makes and
+unmakes. Heigh, then, for the inkstand! What does woman like best?
+What does she desire? All the special things of love; and woman is
+right. To have children, to produce an imitation, of nature, which is
+always in labour. Come to me, then, woman!--come to me, Eva!
+
+With this the author began to dip into that fertile inkpot, where
+there was a brain-fluid, concocted by virtues from on high in a
+talismanic fashion. From one cup there came serious things, which
+wrote themselves in brown ink; and from the other trifling things,
+which merely gave a roseate hue to the pages of the manuscript. The
+poor author has often, from carelessness, mixed the inks, now here,
+now there; but as soon as the heavy sentences, difficult to smooth,
+polish, and brighten up, of some work suitable to the taste of the day
+are finished, the author, eager to amuse himself, in spite of the
+small amount of merry ink remaining in the left cup, steals and bears
+eagerly therefrom a few penfuls with great delight. These said penfuls
+are, indeed, these same Droll Tales, the authority on which is above
+suspicion, because it flows from a divine source, as is shown in this
+the author’s naive confession.
+
+Certain evil-disposed people will still cry out at this; but can you
+find a man perfectly contented on this lump of mud? Is it not a shame?
+In this the author has wisely comported himself in imitation of a
+higher power; and he proves it by _atqui_. Listen. Is it not most
+clearly demonstrated to the learned that the sovereign Lord of worlds
+has made an infinite number of heavy, weighty, and serious machines
+with great wheels, large chains, terrible notches, and frightfully
+complicated screws and weights like the roasting jack, but also has
+amused Himself with little trifles and grotesque things light as
+zephyrs, and has made also naive and pleasant creations, at which you
+laugh directly you see them? Is it not so? Then in all eccentric
+works, such as the very spacious edifice undertaken by the author, in
+order to model himself upon the laws of the above-named Lord, it is
+necessary to fashion certain delicate flowers, pleasant insects, fine
+dragons well twisted, imbricated, and coloured--nay, even gilt,
+although he is often short of gold--and throw them at the feet of his
+snow-clad mountains, piles of rocks, and other cloud-capped
+philosophers, long and terrible works, marble columns, real thoughts
+carved in porphyry.
+
+Ah! unclean beasts, who despise and repudiate the figures, phantasies,
+harmonies, and roulades of the fair muse of drollery, will you not
+pare your claws, so that you may never again scratch her white skin,
+all azure with veins, her amorous reins, her flanks of surpassing
+elegance, her feet that stay modestly in bed, her satin face, her
+lustrous features, her heart devoid of bitterness? Ah! wooden-heads,
+what will you say when you find that this merry lass springs from the
+heart of France, agrees with all that is womanly in nature, has been
+saluted with a polite _Ave_! by the angels in the person of their
+spokesman, Mercury, and finally, is the clearest quintessence of Art.
+In this work are to be met with necessity, virtue, whim, the desire of
+a woman, the votive offering of a stout Pantagruelist, all are here.
+Hold your peace, then, drink to the author, and let his inkstand with
+the double cup endow the Gay Science with a hundred glorious Droll
+Tales.
+
+Stand back then, curs; strike up the music! Silence, bigots; out of
+the way, dunces! step forward my merry wags!--my little pages! give
+your soft hand to the ladies, and tickle theirs in the centre in a
+pretty manner, saying to them, “Read to laugh.” Afterwards you can
+tell them some mere jest to make them roar, since when they are
+laughing their lips are apart, and they make but a faint resistance to
+love.
+
+
+
+                        PERSEVERANCE IN LOVE
+
+During the first years of the thirteenth century after the coming of
+our Divine Saviour there happened in the City of Paris an amorous
+adventure, through the deed of a man of Tours, of which the town and
+even the king’s court was never tired of speaking. As to the clergy,
+you will see by that which is related the part they played in this
+history, the testimony of which was by them preserved. This said man,
+called the Touranian by the common people, because he had been born in
+our merry Touraine, had for his true name that of Anseau. In his
+latter days the good man returned into his own country and was mayor
+of St. Martin, according to the chronicles of the abbey of that town;
+but at Paris he was a great silversmith.
+
+But now in his prime, by his great honesty, his labours, and so forth,
+he became a citizen of Paris and subject of the king, whose protection
+he bought, according to the custom of the period. He had a house built
+for him free of all quit-rent, close the Church of St. Leu, in the Rue
+St. Denis, where his forge was well-known by those in want of fine
+jewels. Although he was a Touranian, and had plenty of spirit and
+animation, he kept himself virtuous as a true saint, in spite of the
+blandishments of the city, and had passed the days of his green season
+without once dragging his good name through the mire. Many will say
+this passes the bounds of that faculty of belief which God has placed
+in us to aid that faith due to the mysteries of our holy religion; so
+it is needful to demonstrate abundantly the secret cause of this
+silversmith’s chastity. And, first remember that he came into the town
+on foot, poor as Job, according to the old saying; and unlike all the
+inhabitants of our part of the country, who have but one passion, he
+had a character of iron, and persevered in the path he had chosen as
+steadily as a monk in vengeance. As a workman, he laboured from morn
+to night; become a master, he laboured still, always learning new
+secrets, seeking new receipts, and in seeking, meeting with inventions
+of all kinds. Late idlers, watchmen, and vagrants saw always a modest
+lamp shining through the silversmith’s window, and the good man
+tapping, sculpting, rounding, distilling, modeling, and finishing,
+with his apprentices, his door closed and his ears open. Poverty
+engendered hard work, hard work engendered his wonderful virtue, and
+his virtue engendered his great wealth. Take this to heart, ye
+children of Cain who eat doubloons and micturate water. If the good
+silversmith felt himself possessed with wild desires, which now in one
+way, now another, seize upon an unhappy bachelor when the devil tries
+to get hold of him, making the sign of the cross, the Touranian
+hammered away at his metal, drove out the rebellious spirits from his
+brain by bending down over the exquisite works of art, little
+engravings, figures of gold and silver forms, with which he appeased
+the anger of his Venus. Add to this that this Touranian was an artless
+man, of simple understanding, fearing God above all things, then
+robbers, next to that of nobles, and more than all, a disturbance.
+Although if he had two hands, he never did more than one thing at a
+time. His voice was as gentle as that of a bridegroom before marriage.
+Although the clergy, the military, and others gave him no reputation
+for knowledge, he knew well his mother’s Latin, and spoke it correctly
+without waiting to be asked. Latterly the Parisians had taught him to
+walk uprightly, not to beat the bush for others, to measure his
+passions by the rule of his revenues, not to let them take his leather
+to make other’s shoes, to trust no one farther then he could see them,
+never to say what he did, and always to do what he said; never to
+spill anything but water; to have a better memory than flies usually
+have; to keep his hands to himself, to do the same with his purse; to
+avoid a crowd at the corner of a street, and sell his jewels for more
+than they cost him; all things, the sage observance of which gave him
+as much wisdom as he had need of to do business comfortably and
+pleasantly. And so he did, without troubling anyone else. And watching
+this good little man unobserved, many said,
+
+“By my faith, I should like to be this jeweller, even were I obliged
+to splash myself up to the eyes with the mud of Paris during a hundred
+years for it.”
+
+They might just as well have wished to be king of France, seeing that
+the silversmith had great powerful nervous arms, so wonderfully strong
+that when he closed his fist the cleverest trick of the roughest
+fellow could not open it; from which you may be sure that whatever he
+got hold of he stuck to. More than this, he had teeth fit to masticate
+iron, a stomach to dissolve it, a duodenum to digest it, a sphincter
+to let it out again without tearing, and shoulders that would bear a
+universe upon them, like that pagan gentleman to whom the job was
+confided, and whom the timely arrival of Jesus Christ discharged from
+the duty. He was, in fact, a man made with one stroke, and they are
+the best, for those who have to be touched are worth nothing, being
+patched up and finished at odd times. In short, Master Anseau was a
+thorough man, with a lion’s face, and under his eyebrows a glance that
+would melt his gold if the fire of his forge had gone out, but a
+limpid water placed in his eyes by the great Moderator of all things
+tempered this great ardour, without which he would have burnt up
+everything. Was he not a splendid specimen of a man?
+
+With such a sample of his cardinal virtues, some persist in asking why
+the good silversmith remained as unmarried as an oyster, seeing that
+these properties of nature are of good use in all places. But these
+opinionated critics, do they know what it is to love? Ho! Ho! Easy!
+The vocation of a lover is to go, to come, to listen, to watch, to
+hold his tongue, to talk, to stick in a corner, to make himself big,
+to make himself little, to agree, to play music, to drudge, to go to
+the devil wherever he may be, to count the gray peas in the dovecote,
+to find flowers under the snow, to say paternosters to the moon, to
+pat the cat and pat the dog, to salute the friends, to flatter the
+gout, or the cold of the aunt, to say to her at opportune moments “You
+have good looks, and will yet write the epitaph of the human race.” To
+please all the relations, to tread on no one’s corns, to break no
+glasses, to waste no breath, to talk nonsense, to hold ice in his
+hand, to say, “This is good!” or, “Really, madam, you are very
+beautiful so.” And to vary that in a hundred different ways. To keep
+himself cool, to bear himself like a nobleman, to have a free tongue
+and a modest one, to endure with a smile all the evils the devil may
+invent on his behalf, to smother his anger, to hold nature in control,
+to have the finger of God, and the tail of the devil, to reward the
+mother, the cousin, the servant; in fact, to put a good face on
+everything. In default of which the female escapes and leaves you in a
+fix, without giving a single Christian reason. In fact, the lover of
+the most gentle maid that God ever created in a good-tempered moment,
+had he talked like a book, jumped like a flea, turned about like dice,
+played like King David, and built for the aforesaid woman the
+Corinthian order of the columns of the devil, if he failed in the
+essential and hidden thing which pleases his lady above all others,
+which often she does not know herself and which he has need to know,
+the lass leaves him like a red leper. She is quite right. No one can
+blame her for so doing. When this happens some men become
+ill-tempered, cross, and more wretched than you can possibly imagine.
+Have not many of them killed themselves through this petticoat tyranny?
+In this matter the man distinguishes himself from the beast, seeing that
+no animal ever yet lost his senses through blighted love, which proves
+abundantly that animals have no souls. The employment of a lover is
+that of a mountebank, of a soldier, of a quack, of a buffoon, of a
+prince, of a ninny, of a king, of an idler, of a monk, of a dupe, of a
+blackguard, of a liar, of a braggart, of a sycophant, of a numskull,
+of a frivolous fool, of a blockhead, of a know-nothing, of a knave. An
+employment from which Jesus abstained, in imitation of whom folks of
+great understanding likewise disdain it; it is a vocation in which a
+man of worth is required to spend above all things, his time, his
+life, his blood, his best words, besides his heart, his soul, and his
+brain; things to which the women are cruelly partial, because directly
+their tongues begin to go, they say among themselves that if they have
+not the whole of a man they have none of him. Be sure, also, that
+there are cats, who, knitting their eyebrows, complain that a man does
+but a hundred things for them, for the purpose of finding out if there
+be a hundred, at first seeing that in everything they desire the most
+thorough spirit of conquest and tyranny. And this high jurisprudence
+has always flourished among the customs of Paris, where the women
+receive more wit at their baptism than in any other place in the
+world, and thus are mischievous by birth.
+
+But our silversmith, always busy at his work, burnishing gold and
+melting silver, had no time to warm his love or to burnish and make
+shine his fantasies, nor to show off, gad about, waste his time in
+mischief, or to run after she-males. Now seeing that in Paris virgins
+do not fall into the beds of young men any more than roast pheasants
+into the streets, not even when the young men are royal silversmiths,
+the Touranian had the advantage of having, as I have before observed,
+a continent member in his shirt. However, the good man could not close
+his eyes to the advantage of nature with which were so amply furnished
+the ladies with whom he dilated upon the value of his jewels. So it
+was that, after listening to the gentle discourse of the ladies, who
+tried to wheedle and to fondle him to obtain a favour from him, the
+good Touranian would return to his home, dreamy as a poet, wretched as
+a restless cuckoo, and would say to himself, “I must take to myself a
+wife. She would keep the house tidy, keep the plates hot for me, fold
+the clothes for me, sew my buttons on, sing merrily about the house,
+tease me to do everything according to her taste, would say to me as
+they all say to their husbands when they want a jewel, ‘Oh, my own
+pet, look at this, is it not pretty?’ And every one in the quarter
+will think of my wife and then of me, and say ‘There’s a happy man.’
+Then the getting married, the bridal festivities, to fondle Madame
+Silversmith, to dress her superbly, give her a fine gold chain, to
+worship her from crown to toe, to give her the whole management of the
+house, except the cash, to give her a nice little room upstairs, with
+good windows, pretty, and hung around with tapestry, with a wonderful
+chest in it and a fine large bed, with twisted columns and curtains of
+yellow silk. He would buy her beautiful mirrors, and there would
+always be a dozen or so of children, his and hers, when he came home
+to greet him.” Then wife and children would vanish into the clouds. He
+transferred his melancholy imaginings to fantastic designs, fashioned
+his amorous thoughts into grotesque jewels that pleased their buyers
+well, they not knowing how many wives and children were lost in the
+productions of the good man, who, the more talent he threw into his
+art, the more disordered he became. Now if God had not had pity upon
+him, he would have quitted this world without knowing what love was,
+but would have known it in the other without that metamorphosis of the
+flesh which spares it, according to Monsieur Plato, a man of some
+authority, but who, not being a Christian, was wrong. But, there!
+these preparatory digressions are the idle digressions and fastidious
+commentaries which certain unbelievers compel a man to wind about a
+tale, swaddling clothes about an infant when it should run about stark
+naked. May the great devil give them a clyster with his red-hot
+three-pronged fork. I am going on with my story now without further
+circumlocution.
+
+This is what happened to the silversmith in the one-and-fortieth year
+of his age. One Sabbath-day while walking on the left bank of the
+Seine, led by an idle fancy, he ventured as far as that meadow which
+has since been called the Pre-aux-Clercs and which at that time was in
+the domain of the abbey of St. Germain, and not in that of the
+University. There, still strolling on the Touranian found himself in
+the open fields, and there met a poor young girl who, seeing that he
+was well-dressed, curtsied to him, saying “Heaven preserve you,
+monseigneur.” In saying this her voice had such sympathetic sweetness
+that the silversmith felt his soul ravished by this feminine melody,
+and conceived an affection for the girl, the more so as, tormented
+with ideas of marriage as he was, everything was favourable thereto.
+Nevertheless, as he had passed the wench by he dared not go back,
+because he was as timid as a young maid who would die in her
+petticoats rather than raise them for her pleasure. But when he was a
+bowshot off he bethought him that he was a man who for ten years had
+been a master silversmith, had become a citizen, and was a man of
+mark, and could look a woman in the face if his fancy so led him, the
+more so as his imagination had great power over him. So he turned
+suddenly back, as if he had changed the direction of his stroll, and
+came upon the girl, who held by an old cord her poor cow, who was
+munching grass that had grown on the border of a ditch at the side of
+the road.
+
+“Ah, my pretty one,” said he, “you are not overburdened with the goods
+of this world that you thus work with your hands upon the Lord’s Day.
+Are you not afraid of being cast into prison?”
+
+“Monseigneur,” replied the maid, casting down her eyes, “I have
+nothing to fear, because I belong to the abbey. The Lord Abbot has
+given me leave to exercise the cow after vespers.”
+
+“You love your cow, then, more than the salvation of your soul?”
+
+“Ah, monseigneur, our beast is almost the half of our poor lives.”
+
+“I am astonished, my girl, to see you poor and in rags, clothed like a
+fagot, running barefoot about the fields on the Sabbath, when you
+carry about you more treasures than you could dig up in the grounds of
+the abbey. Do not the townspeople pursue, and torment you with love?”
+
+“Oh, never monseigneur. I belong to the abbey”, replied she, showing
+the jeweller a collar on her left arm like those that the beasts of
+the field have, but without the little bell, and at the same time
+casting such a deplorable glance at our townsman that he was stricken
+quite sad, for by the eyes are communicated contagions of the heart
+when they are strong.
+
+“And what does this mean?” he said, wishing to hear all about it.
+
+And he touched the collar, upon which was engraved the arms of the
+abbey very distinctly, but which he did not wish to see.
+
+“Monseigneur, I am the daughter of an homme de corps; thus whoever
+unites himself to me by marriage, will become a bondsman, even if he
+were a citizen of Paris, and would belong body and goods to the abbey.
+If he loved me otherwise, his children would still belong to the
+domain. For this reason I am neglected by everyone, abandoned like a
+poor beast of the field. But what makes me most unhappy is, that
+according to the pleasure of monseigneur the abbot, I shall be coupled
+at some time with a bondsman. And if I were less ugly than I am, at
+the sight of my collar the most amorous would flee from me as from the
+black plague.”
+
+So saying, she pulled her cow by the cord to make it follow her.
+
+“And how old are you?” asked the silversmith.
+
+“I do not know, monseigneur; but our master, the abbot, has kept
+account.”
+
+This great misery touched the heart of the good man, who had in his
+day eaten the bread of sorrow. He regulated his pace to the girl’s,
+and they went together towards the water in painful silence. The good
+man gazed at the fine forehead, the round red arms, the queen’s waist,
+the feet dusty, but made like those of a Virgin Mary; and the sweet
+physiognomy of this girl, who was the living image of St. Genevieve,
+the patroness of Paris, and the maidens who live in the fields. And
+make sure that this Joseph suspected the pretty white of this sweet
+girl’s breasts, which were by a modest grace carefully covered with an
+old rag, and looked at them as a schoolboy looks at a rosy apple on a
+hot day. Also, may you depend upon it that these little hillocks of
+nature denoted a wench fashioned with delicious perfection, like
+everything that the monks possess. Now, the more it was forbidden our
+silversmith to touch them, the more his mouth watered for these fruits
+of love. And his heart leaped almost into his mouth.
+
+“You have a fine cow,” said he.
+
+“Would you like a little milk?” replied she. “It is so warm these
+early days of May. You are far from the town.”
+
+In truth, the sky was a cloudless blue, and glared like a forge.
+Everything was radiant with youth, the leaves, the air, the girls, the
+lads; everything was burning, was green, and smelt like balm. This
+naive offer, made without the hope of recompense, though a byzant
+would not have paid for the special grace of this speech; and the
+modesty of the gesture with which the poor girl turned to him gained
+the heart of the jeweller, who would have liked to be able to put this
+bondswoman into the skin of a queen, and Paris at her feet.
+
+“Nay, my child, I thirst not for milk, but for you, whom I would have
+leave to liberate.”
+
+“That cannot be, and I shall die the property of the abbey. For years
+we have lived so, from father to son, from mother to daughter. Like my
+ancestors, I shall pass my days on this land, as will also my
+children, because the abbot cannot legally let us go.”
+
+“What!” said the Touranian; “has no gallant been tempted by your
+bright eyes to buy your liberty, as I bought mine from the king?”
+
+“It would cost too dear; thus it is those whom at first sight I
+please, go as they came.”
+
+“And you have never thought of gaining another country in company of a
+lover on horseback on a fleet courser?”
+
+“Oh yes. But, monseigneur, if I were caught I should be hanged at
+least; and my gallant, even were he a lord, would lose more than one
+domain over it, besides other things. I am not worth so much; besides,
+the abbey has arms longer than my feet are swift. So I live on in
+perfect obedience to God, who has placed me in this plight.”
+
+“What is your father?”
+
+“He tends the vines in the gardens of the abbey.”
+
+“And your mother?”
+
+“She is a washerwoman.”
+
+“And what is your name?”
+
+“I have no name, dear sir. My father was baptised Etienne, my mother
+is Etienne, and I am Tiennette, at your service.”
+
+“Sweetheart,” said the jeweller, “never has woman pleased me as you
+please me; and I believe that your heart contains a wealth of
+goodness. Now, since you offered yourself to my eyes at the moment
+when I was firmly deliberating upon taking a companion, I believe that
+I see in you a sign from heaven! And if I am not displeasing to you, I
+beg you to accept me as your friend.”
+
+Immediately the maid lowered her eyes. These words were uttered in
+such a way, in so grave a tone, so penetrating a manner, that the said
+Tiennette burst into tears.
+
+“No, monseigneur, I should be the cause of a thousand
+unpleasantnesses, and of your misfortune. For a poor bondsmaid, the
+conversation has gone far enough.”
+
+“Ho!” cried Anseau; “you do not know, my child, the man you are
+dealing with.”
+
+The Touranian crossed himself, joined his hands, and said--
+
+“I make a vow to Monsieur the Saint Eloi, under whose invocation are
+the silversmiths, to fashion two images of pure silver, with the best
+workmanship I am able to perform. One shall be a statue of Madame the
+Virgin, to this end, to thank her for the liberty of my dear wife; and
+the other for my said patron, if I am successful in my undertaking to
+liberate the bondswoman Tiennette here present, and for which I rely
+upon his assistance. Moreover, I swear by my eternal salvation, to
+persevere with courage in this affair, to spend therein all I process,
+and only to quit it with my life. God has heard me,” said he. “And
+you, little one,” he added, turning towards the maid.
+
+“Ha! monseigneur, look! My cow is running about the fields,” cried
+she, sobbing at the good man’s knees. “I will love you all my life;
+but withdraw your vow.”
+
+“Let us to look after the cow,” said the silversmith, raising her,
+without daring yet to kiss her, although the maid was well disposed to
+it.
+
+“Yes,” said she, “for I shall be beaten.”
+
+And behold now the silversmith, scampering after the cursed cow, who
+gave no heed to their amours; she was taken by the horns, and held in
+the grip of the Touranian, who for a trifle would have thrown her in
+the air, like a straw.
+
+“Adieu, my sweet one! If you go into the town, come to my house, over
+against St Leu’s Church. I am called Master Anseau, and am silversmith
+to the King of France, at the sign of St. Eloi. Make me a promise to
+be in this field the next Lord’s-Day; fail not to come, even should it
+rain halberds.”
+
+“Yes, dear Sir. For this I would leap the walls, and, in gratitude,
+would I be yours without mischief, and cause you no sorrow, at the
+price of my everlasting future. Awaiting the happy moment, I will pray
+God for you with all my heart.”
+
+And then she remained standing like a stone saint, moving not, until
+she could see the good citizen no longer, and he went away with
+lagging steps, turning from time to time further to gaze upon her. And
+when he was far off, and out of her sight, she stayed on, until
+nightfall, lost in meditation, knowing not if she had dreamed that
+which had happened to her. Then she went back to the house, where she
+was beaten for staying out, but felt not the blows. The good
+silversmith could neither eat nor drink, but closed his workshop,
+possessed of this girl, thinking of nothing but this girl, seeing
+everywhere the girl; everything to him being to possess this girl. Now
+when the morrow was come, he went with great apprehension towards the
+abbey to speak to the lord abbot. On the road, however, he suddenly
+thought of putting himself under the protection of one of the king’s
+people, and with this idea returned to the court, which was then held
+in the town. Being esteemed by all for his prudence, and loved for his
+little works and kindnesses, the king’s chamberlain--for whom he had
+once made, for a present to a lady of the court, a golden casket set
+with precious stones and unique of its kind--promised him assistance,
+had a horse saddled for himself, and a hack for the silversmith, with
+whom he set out for the abbey, and asked to see the abbot, who was
+Monseigneur Hugon de Sennecterre, aged ninety-three. Being come into
+the room with the silversmith, waiting nervously to receive his
+sentence, the chamberlain begged the abbot to sell him in advance a
+thing which was easy for him to sell, and which would be pleasant to
+him.
+
+To which the abbot replied, looking at the chamberlain--
+
+“That the canons inhibited and forbade him thus to engage his word.”
+
+“Behold, my dear father,” said the chamberlain, “the jeweller of the
+Court who has conceived a great love for a bondswoman belonging to
+your abbey, and I request you, in consideration of my obliging you in
+any such desire as you may wish to see accomplished, to emancipate
+this maid.”
+
+“Which is she?” asked the abbot of the citizen.
+
+“Her name is Tiennette,” answered the silversmith, timidly.
+
+“Ho! ho!” said the good old Hugon, smiling. “The angler has caught us
+a good fish! This is a grave business, and I know not how to decide by
+myself.”
+
+“I know, my father, what those words mean,” said that chamberlain,
+knitting his brows.
+
+“Fine sir,” said the abbot, “know you what this maid is worth?”
+
+The abbot ordered Tiennette to be fetched, telling his clerk to dress
+her in her finest clothes, and to make her look as nice as possible.
+
+“Your love is in danger,” said that chamberlain to the silversmith,
+pulling him on one side. “Dismiss this fantasy. You can meet anywhere,
+even at Court, with women of wealth, young and pretty, who would
+willingly marry you. For this, if need be, the king would assist you
+by giving you some title, which in course of time would enable you to
+found a good family. Are you sufficiently well furnished with crowns
+to become the founder of a noble line?”
+
+“I know not, monseigneur,” replied Anseau. “I have put money by.”
+
+“Then see if you cannot buy the manumission of this maid. I know the
+monks. With them money does everything.”
+
+“Monseigneur,” said the silversmith to the abbot, coming towards him,
+“you have the charge and office representing here below the goodness
+of God, who is often clement towards us, and has infinite treasures of
+mercy for our sorrows. Now, I will remember you each evening and each
+morning in my prayers, and never forget that I received my happiness
+at your hands, if you aid me to gain this maid in lawful wedlock,
+without keeping in servitude the children born of this union. And for
+this I will make you a receptacle for the Holy Eucharist, so
+elaborate, so rich with gold, precious stones and winged angels, that
+no other shall be like it in all Christendom. It shall remain unique,
+it shall dazzle your eyesight, and shall be so far the glory of your
+altar, that the people of the towns and foreign nobles shall rush to
+it, so magnificent shall it be.”
+
+“My son,” replied the abbot “have you lost your senses? If you are so
+resolved to have this wench for a legal wife, your goods and your
+person belong to the Chapter of the abbey.”
+
+“Yes, monseigneur, I am passionately in love with this girl, and more
+touched with her misery and her Christian heart than even with her
+perfections; but I am,” said he, with tears in his eyes, “still more
+astonished at your harshness, and I say it although I know that my
+fate is in your hands. Yes, monseigneur, I know the law; and if my
+goods fall to your domain, if I become a bondsman, if I lose my house
+and my citizenship, I will still keep that engine, gained by my
+labours and my studies, on which lies there,” cried he, striking his
+forehead “in a place of which no one, save God, can be lord but
+myself. And your whole abbey could not pay for the special creations
+which proceed therefrom. You may have my body, my wife, my children,
+but nothing shall get you my engine; nay, not even torture, seeing
+that I am stronger than iron is hard, and more patient than sorrow is
+great.”
+
+So saying, the silversmith, enraged by the calmness of the abbot, who
+seemed resolved to acquire for the abbey the good man’s doubloons,
+brought down his fist upon an oaken chair and shivered it into
+fragments, for it split as under the blow of a mace.
+
+“Behold, monseigneur, what kind of servant you will have, and of an
+artificer of things divine you will make a mere cart-horse.”
+
+“My son,” replied the abbot, “you have wrongfully broken my chair, and
+lightly judged my mind. This wench belongs to the abbey and not to me.
+I am the faithful servant of the rights and customs of this glorious
+monastery; although I might grant this woman license to bear free
+children, I am responsible for this to God and to the abbey. Now,
+since there was here an altar, bondsmen and monks, _id est_, from time
+immemorial, there has never occurred the case of a citizen becoming
+the property of the abbey by marriage with a bondswoman. Now,
+therefore, is there need to exercise the right, and to make use of it
+so that it would not be lost, weakened, worn out, or fallen into
+disuse, which would occasion a thousand difficulties. And this is of
+higher advantage to the State and to the abbey than your stones,
+however beautiful they be, seeing that we have treasure wherewith to
+buy rare jewels, and that no treasure can establish customs and laws.
+I call upon the king’s chamberlain to bear witness to the infinite
+pains which his majesty takes every day to fight for the establishment
+of his orders.”
+
+“That is to close my mouth,” said the chamberlain.
+
+The silversmith, who was not a great scholar, remained thoughtful.
+Then came Tiennette, clean as a new pin, her hair raised up, dressed
+in a robe of white wool with a blue sash, with tiny shoes and white
+stockings; in fact, so royally beautiful, so noble in her bearing was
+she, that the silversmith was petrified with ecstasy, and the
+chamberlain confessed he had never seen so perfect a creature.
+Thinking there was too much danger in this sight for the poor
+jeweller, he led him into the town, and begged him to think no further
+of the affair, since the abbey was not likely to liberate so good a
+bait for the citizens and nobles of the Parisian stream. In fact, the
+Chapter let the poor lover know that if he married this girl he must
+resolve to yield up his goods and his house to the abbey, consider
+himself a bondsman, both he and the children of the aforesaid
+marriage; although, by a special grace, the abbey would let him his
+house on the condition of his giving an inventory of his furniture and
+paying a yearly rent, and coming during eight days to live in a shed
+adjoining the domain, thus performing an act of service. The
+silversmith, to whom everyone spoke of the cupidity of the monks, saw
+clearly that the abbot would incommutably maintain this order, and his
+soul was filled with despair. At one time he determined to burn down
+the monastery; at another, he proposed to lure the abbot into a place
+where he could torment him until he had signed a charter for
+Tiennette’s liberation; in fact a thousand ideas possessed his brain,
+and as quickly evaporated. But after much lamentation he determined to
+carry off the girl, and fly with her into her a sure place from which
+nothing could draw him, and made his preparations accordingly; for
+once out of the kingdom, his friends or the king could better tackle
+the monks and bring them to reason. The good man counted, however,
+without his abbot, for going to the meadows, he found Tiennette no
+more there, and learned that she was confined in the abbey, and with
+much rigour, that to get at her it would be necessary to lay siege to
+the monastery. Then Master Anseau passed his time in tears,
+complaints, and lamentations; and all the city, the townspeople, and
+housewives, talked of his adventure, the noise of which was so great,
+that the king sent for the old abbot to court, and demanded of him why
+he did not yield under the circumstances to the great love of the
+silversmith, and why he did not put into practice Christian charity.
+
+“Because, monseigneur,” replied the priest, “all rights are knit
+together like the pieces of a coat of mail, and if one makes default,
+all fail. If this girl was taken from us against our wish, and if the
+custom were not observed, your subjects would soon take off your
+crown, and raise up in various places violence and sedition, in order
+to abolish the taxes and imposts that weigh upon the populace.”
+
+The king’s mouth was closed. Everyone was eager to know the end of
+this adventure. So great was the curiosity that certain lords wagered
+that the Touranian would desist from his love, and the ladies wagered
+to the contrary. The silversmith having complained to the queen that
+the monks had hidden his well-beloved from his sight, she found the
+deed detestable and horrible; and in consequence of her commands to
+the lord abbot it was permitted to the Touranian to go every day into
+the parlour of the abbey, where came Tiennette, but under the control
+of an old monk, and she always came attired in great splendour like a
+lady. The two lovers had no other license than to see each other, and
+to speak to each other, without being able to snatch the smallest atom
+of pleasure, and always grew their love more powerful.
+
+One day Tiennette discoursed thus with her lover--“My dear lord, I
+have determined to make you a gift of my life, in order to relieve
+your suffering, and in this wise; in informing myself concerning
+everything I have found a means to set aside the rights of the abbey,
+and to give you all the joy you hope for from my fruition.”
+
+“The ecclesiastical judge has ruled that as you become a bondsman only
+by accession, and because you were not born a bondsman, your servitude
+will cease with the cause that makes you a serf. Now, if you love me
+more than all else, lose your goods to purchase our happiness, and
+espouse me. Then when you have had your will of me, when you have
+hugged me and embraced me to your heart’s content, before I have
+offspring will I voluntarily kill myself, and thus you become free
+again; at least you will have the king on your side, who, it is said,
+wishes you well. And without doubt, God will pardon me that I cause my
+own death, in order to deliver my lord spouse.”
+
+“My dear Tiennette,” cried the jeweller, “it is finished--I will be a
+bondsman, and thou wilt live to make my happiness as long as my days.
+In thy company, the hardest chains will weigh but lightly, and little
+shall I reck the want of gold, when all my riches are in thy heart,
+and my only pleasure in thy sweet body. I place myself in the hands of
+St. Eloi, will deign in this misery to look upon us with pitying eyes,
+and guard us from all evils. Now I shall go hence to a scrivener to
+have the deeds and contracts drawn up. At least, dear flower of my
+days, thou shalt be gorgeously attired, well housed, and served like a
+queen during thy lifetime, since the lord abbot leaves me the earnings
+of my profession.”
+
+Tiennette, crying and laughing, tried to put off her good fortune and
+wished to die, rather than reduce to slavery a free man; but the good
+Anseau whispered such soft words to her, and threatened so firmly to
+follow her to the tomb, that she agreed to the said marriage, thinking
+that she could always free herself after having tasted the pleasures
+of love.
+
+When the submission of the Touranian became known in the town, and
+that for his sweetheart he yielded up his wealth and his liberty,
+everyone wished to see him. The ladies of the court encumbered
+themselves with jewels, in order to speak with him, and there fell
+upon him as from the clouds women enough to make up for the time he
+had been without them; but if any of them approached Tiennette in
+beauty, none had her heart. To be brief, when the hour of slavery and
+love was at hand, Anseau remolded all of his gold into a royal crown,
+in which he fixed all his pearls and diamonds, and went secretly to
+the queen, and gave it to her, saying, “Madame, I know not how to
+dispose of my fortune, which you here behold. Tomorrow everything that
+is found in my house will be the property of the cursed monks, who
+have had no pity on me. Then deign, madame, to accept this. It is a
+slight return for the joy which, through you, I have experienced in
+seeing her I love; for no sum of money is worth one of her glances. I
+do not know what will become of me, but if one day my children are
+delivered, I rely upon your queenly generosity.”
+
+“Well said, good man,” cried the king. “The abbey will one day need my
+aid and I will not lose the remembrance of this.”
+
+There was a vast crowd at the abbey for the nuptials of Tiennette, to
+whom the queen presented the bridal dress, and to whom the king
+granted a licence to wear every day golden rings in her ears. When the
+charming pair came from the abbey to the house of Anseau (now serf)
+over against St. Leu, there were torches at the windows to see them
+pass, and a double line in the streets, as though it were a royal
+entry. The poor husband had made himself a collar of gold, which he
+wore on his left arm in token of his belonging to the abbey of St.
+Germain. But in spite of his servitude the people cried out, “Noel!
+Noel!” as to a new crowned king. And the good man bowed to them
+gracefully, happy as a lover, and joyful at the homage which every one
+rendered to the grace and modesty of Tiennette. Then the good
+Touranian found green boughs and violets in crowns in his honour; and
+the principal inhabitants of the quarter were all there, who as a
+great honour, played music to him, and cried to him, “You will always
+be a noble man in spite of the abbey.” You may be sure that the happy
+pair indulged an amorous conflict to their hearts’ content; that the
+good man’s blows were vigorous; and that his sweetheart, like a good
+country maiden, was of a nature to return them. Thus they lived
+together a whole month, happy as the doves, who in springtime build
+their nest twig by twig. Tiennette was delighted with the beautiful
+house and the customers, who came and went away astonished at her.
+This month of flowers past, there came one day, with great pomp, the
+good old Abbot Hugon, their lord and master, who entered the house,
+which then belonged not the jeweller but to the Chapter, and said to
+the two spouses:--
+
+“My children, you are released, free and quit of everything; and I
+should tell you that from the first I was much struck with the love
+which united you one to the other. The rights of the abbey once
+recognised, I was, so far as I was concerned, determined to restore
+you to perfect enjoyment, after having proved your loyalty by the test
+of God. And this manumission will cost you nothing.” Having thus said,
+he gave them each a little tap with his hand on the cheek. And they
+fell about his knees weeping tears of joy for such good reasons. The
+Touranian informed the people of the neighbourhood, who picked up in
+the street the largesse, and received the predictions of the good
+Abbott Hugon.
+
+Then it was with great honour, Master Anseau held the reins of his
+mule, so far as the gate of Bussy. During the journey the jeweller,
+who had taken a bag of silver, threw the pieces to the poor and
+suffering, crying, “Largesse, largesse to God! God save and guard the
+abbot! Long live the good Lord Hugon!” And returning to his house he
+regaled his friends, and had fresh wedding festivities, which lasted a
+fortnight. You can imagine that the abbot was reproached by the
+Chapter, for his clemency in opening the door for such good prey to
+escape, so that when a year after the good man Hugon fell ill, his
+prior told him that it was a punishment from Heaven because he had
+neglected the sacred interests of the Chapter and of God.
+
+“If I have judged that man aright,” said the abbot, “he will not
+forget what he owes us.”
+
+In fact, this day happening by chance to be the anniversary of the
+marriage, a monk came to announce that the silversmith supplicated his
+benefactor to receive him. Soon he entered the room where the abbot
+was, and spread out before him two marvellous shrines, which since
+that time no workman has surpassed, in any portion of the Christian
+world, and which were named “Vow of a Steadfast Love.” These two
+treasures are, as everyone knows, placed on the principal altar of the
+church, and are esteemed as an inestimable work, for the silversmith
+had spent therein all his wealth. Nevertheless, this wealth, far from
+emptying his purse, filled it full to overflowing, because so rapidly
+increased his fame and his fortune that he was able to buy a patent of
+nobility and lands, and he founded the house of Anseau, which has
+since been held in great honour in fair Touraine.
+
+This teaches us to have always recourse to God and the saints in all
+the undertakings of life, to be steadfast in all things, and, above
+all, that a great love triumphs over everything, which is an old
+sentence; but the author has rewritten it because it is a most
+pleasant one.
+
+
+
+         CONCERNING A PROVOST WHO DID NOT RECOGNISE THINGS
+
+In the good town of Bourges, at the time when that lord the king
+disported himself there, who afterwards abandoned his search after
+pleasure to conquer the kingdom, and did indeed conquer it, lived
+there a provost, entrusted by him with the maintenance of order, and
+called the provost-royal. From which came, under the glorious son of
+the said king, the office of provost of the hotel, in which behaved
+rather harshly my lord Tristan of Mere, of whom these tales oft make
+mention, although he was by no means a merry fellow. I give this
+information to the friends who pilfer from old manuscripts to
+manufacture new ones, and I show thereby how learned these Tales
+really are, without appearing to be so. Very well, then, this provost
+was named Picot or Picault, of which some made picotin, picoter, and
+picoree; by some Pitot or Pitaut, from which comes _pitance_; by
+others in Languedoc, Pichot from which comes nothing comes worth
+knowing; by these Petiot or Petiet; by those Petitot and Petinault, or
+Petiniaud, which was the masonic appellation; but at Bourges he was
+called Petit, a name which was eventually adopted by the family, which
+has multiplied exceedingly, for everywhere you find “_des Petits_,”
+ and so he will be called Petit in this narrative. I have given this
+etymology in order to throw a light on our language, and show how our
+citizens have finished by acquiring names. But enough of science.
+
+This said provost, who had as many names as there were provinces into
+which the court went, was in reality a little bit of a man, whose
+mother had given him so strange a hide, that when he wanted to laugh
+he used to stretch his cheeks like a cow making water, and this smile
+at court was called the provost’s smile. One day the king, hearing
+this proverbial expression used by certain lords, said jokingly--
+
+“You are in error, gentlemen, Petit does not laugh, he’s short of skin
+below the mouth.”
+
+But with his forced laugh Petit was all the more suited to his
+occupation of watching and catching evil-doers. In fact, he was worth
+what he cost. For all malice, he was a bit of a cuckold, for all vice,
+he went to vespers, for all wisdom he obeyed God, when it was
+convenient; for all joy he had a wife in his house; and for all change
+in his joy he looked for a man to hang, and when he was asked to find
+one he never failed to meet him; but when he was between the sheets he
+never troubled himself about thieves. Can you find in all Christendom
+a more virtuous provost? No! All provosts hang too little, or too
+much, while this one just hanged as much as was necessary to be a
+provost.
+
+This good fellow had for his wife in legitimate marriage, and much to
+the astonishment of everyone, the prettiest little woman in Bourges.
+So it was that often, while on his road to the execution, he would ask
+God the same question as several others in the town did--namely, why
+he, Petit, he the sheriff, he the provost royal, had to himself,
+Petit, provost royal and sheriff, a wife so exquisitely shapely, said
+dowered with charms, that a donkey seeing her pass by would bray with
+delight. To this God vouchsafed no reply, and doubtless had his
+reasons. But the slanderous tongues of the town replied for him, that
+the young lady was by no means a maiden when she became the wife of
+Petit. Others said she did not keep her affections solely for him. The
+wags answered, that donkeys often get into fine stables. Everyone had
+taunts ready which would have made a nice little collection had anyone
+gathered them together. From them, however, it is necessary to take
+nearly four-fourths, seeing that Petit’s wife was a virtuous woman,
+who had a lover for pleasure and a husband for duty. How many were
+there in the town as careful of their hearts and mouths? If you can
+point out one to me, I’ll give you a kick or a half-penny, whichever
+you like. You will find some who have neither husband nor lover.
+Certain females have a lover and no husband. Ugly women have a husband
+and no lover. But to meet with a woman who, having one husband and one
+lover, keeps to the deuce without trying for the trey, there is the
+miracle, you see, you greenhorns, blockheads, and dolts! Now then, put
+the true character of this virtuous woman on the tablets of your
+memory, go your ways, and let me go mine.
+
+The good Madame Petit was not one of those ladies who are always on
+the move, running hither and thither, can’t keep still a moment, but
+trot about, worrying, hurrying, chattering, and clattering, and had
+nothing in them to keep them steady, but are so light that they run
+after a gastric zephyr as after their quintessence. No; on the
+contrary, she was a good housewife, always sitting in her chair or
+sleeping in her bed, ready as a candlestick, waiting for her lover
+when her husband went out, receiving the husband when the lover had
+gone. This dear woman never thought of dressing herself only to annoy
+and make other wives jealous. Pish! She had found a better use for the
+merry time of youth, and put life into her joints in order to make the
+best use of it. Now you know the provost and his good wife.
+
+The provost’s lieutenant in duties matrimonial, duties which are so
+heavy that it takes two men to execute them, was a noble lord, a
+landowner, who disliked the king exceedingly. You must bear this in
+mind, because it is one of the principal points of the story. The
+Constable, who was a thorough Scotch gentleman, had seen by chance
+Petit’s wife, and wished to have a little conversation with her
+comfortably, towards the morning, just the time to tell his beads,
+which was Christianly honest, or honestly Christian, in order to argue
+with her concerning the things of science or the science of things.
+Thinking herself quite learned enough, Madame Petit, who was, as has
+been stated, a virtuous, wise, and honest wife, refused to listen to
+the said constable. After certain arguments, reasonings, tricks and
+messages, which were of no avail, he swore by his great black
+_coquedouille_ that he would rip up the gallant although he was a man
+of mark. But he swore nothing about the lady. This denotes a good
+Frenchman, for in such a dilemma there are certain offended persons
+who would upset the whole business of three persons by killing four.
+The constable wagered his big black _coquedouille_ before the king and
+the lady of Sorel, who were playing cards before supper; and his
+majesty was well pleased, because he would be relieved of this noble,
+that displeased him, and that without costing him a Thank You.
+
+“And how will you manage the affair?” said Madame de Sorel to him,
+with a smile.
+
+“Oh, oh!” replied the constable. “You may be sure, madame, I do not
+wish to lose my big black coquedouille.”
+
+“What was, then, this great coquedouille?”
+
+“Ha, ha! This point is shrouded in darkness to a degree that would
+make you ruin your eyes in ancient books; but it was certainly
+something of great importance. Nevertheless, let us put on our
+spectacles, and search it out. _Douille_ signifies in Brittany, a
+girl, and _coque_ means a cook’s frying pan. From this word has come
+into France that of _coquin_--a knave who eats, licks, laps, sucks,
+and fritters his money away, and gets into stews; is always in hot
+water, and eats up everything, leads an idle life, and doing this,
+becomes wicked, becomes poor, and that incites him to steal or beg.
+From this it may be concluded by the learned that the great
+coquedouille was a household utensil in the shape of a kettle used for
+cooking things.”
+
+“Well,” continued the constable, who was the Sieur of Richmond, “I
+will have the husband ordered to go into the country for a day and a
+night, to arrest certain peasants suspected of plotting treacherously
+with the English. Thereupon my two pigeons, believing their man
+absent, will be as merry as soldiers off duty; and, if a certain thing
+takes place, I will let loose the provost, sending him, in the king’s
+name, to search the house where the couple will be, in order that he
+may slay our friend, who pretends to have this good cordelier all to
+himself.”
+
+“What does this mean?” said the Lady of Beaute.
+
+“Friar . . . fryer . . . an _equivoque_,” answered the king, smiling.
+
+“Come to supper,” said Madame Agnes. “You are bad men, who with one
+word insult both the citizens’ wives and a holy order.”
+
+Now, for a long time, Madame Petit had longed to have a night of
+liberty, during which she might visit the house of the said noble,
+where she could make as much noise as she liked, without waking the
+neighbours, because at the provost’s house she was afraid of being
+overheard, and had to content herself well with the pilferings of
+love, little tastes, and nibbles, daring at the most only to trot,
+while what she desired was a smart gallop. On the morrow, therefore,
+the lady’s-maid went off about midday to the young lord’s house, and
+told the lover--from whom she received many presents, and therefore in
+no way disliked him--that he might make his preparations for pleasure,
+and for supper, for that he might rely upon the provost’s better half
+being with him in the evening both hungry and thirsty.
+
+“Good!” said he. “Tell your mistress I will not stint her in anything
+she desires.”
+
+The pages of the cunning constable, who were watching the house,
+seeing the gallant prepare for his gallantries, and set out the
+flagons and the meats, went and informed their master that everything
+had happened as he wished. Hearing this, the good constable rubbed his
+hands thinking how nicely the provost would catch the pair. He
+instantly sent word to him, that by the king’s express commands he was
+to return to town, in order that he might seize at the said lord’s
+house an English nobleman, with whom he was vehemently suspected to be
+arranging a plot of diabolical darkness. But before he put this order
+into execution, he was to come to the king’s hotel, in order that he
+might understand the courtesy to be exercised in this case. The
+provost, joyous at the chance of speaking to the king, used such
+diligence that he was in town just at that time when the two lovers
+were singing the first note of their evening hymn. The lord of
+cuckoldom and its surrounding lands, who is a strange lord, managed
+things so well, that madame was only conversing with her lord lover at
+the time that her lord spouse was talking to the constable and the
+king; at which he was pleased, and so was his wife--a case of concord
+rare in matrimony.
+
+“I was saying to monseigneur,” said the constable to the provost, as
+he entered the king’s apartment, “that every man in the kingdom has a
+right to kill his wife and her lover if he finds them in an act of
+infidelity. But his majesty, who is clement, argues that he has only a
+right to kill the man, and not the woman. Now what would you do, Mr.
+Provost, if by chance you found a gentleman taking a stroll in that
+fair meadow of which laws, human and divine, enjoin you alone to
+cultivate the verdure?”
+
+“I would kill everything,” said the provost; “I would scrunch the five
+hundred thousand devils of nature, flower and seed, and send them
+flying, the pips and apples, the grass and the meadow, the woman and
+the man.”
+
+“You would be in the wrong,” said the king. “That is contrary to the
+laws of the Church and of the State; of the State, because you might
+deprive me of a subject; of the Church, because you would be sending
+an innocent to limbo unshriven.”
+
+“Sire, I admire your profound wisdom, and I clearly perceive you to be
+the centre of all justice.”
+
+“We can then only kill the knight--Amen,” said constable, “Kill the
+horseman. Now go quickly to the house of the suspected lord, but
+without letting yourself be bamboozled, do not forget what is due to
+his position.”
+
+The provost, believing he would certainly be Chancellor of France if
+he properly acquitted himself of the task, went from the castle into
+the town, took his men, arrived at the nobleman’s residence, arranged
+his people outside, placed guards at all the doors, opened noiselessly
+by order of the king, climbs the stairs, asks the servants in which
+room their master is, puts them under arrest, goes up alone, and
+knocks at the door of the room where the two lovers are tilting in
+love’s tournament, and says to them--
+
+“Open, in the name of our lord the king!”
+
+The lady recognised her husband’s voice, and could not repress a
+smile, thinking that she had not waited for the king’s orders to do
+what she had done. But after laughter came terror. Her lover took his
+cloak, threw it over him, and came to the door. There, not knowing
+that his life was in peril, he declared that he belonged to the court
+and to the king’s household.
+
+“Bah!” said the provost. “I have a strict order from the king; and
+under pain of being treated as a rebel, you are bound instantly to
+receive me.”
+
+Then the lord went out to him, still holding the door.
+
+“What do you want here?”
+
+“An enemy of our lord the king, whom we command you to deliver into
+our hands, otherwise you must follow me with him to the castle.”
+
+This, thought the lover, is a piece of treachery on the part of the
+constable, whose proposition my dear mistress treated with scorn. We
+must get out of this scrape in some way. Then turning towards the
+provost, he went double or quits on the risk, reasoning thus with the
+cuckold:--
+
+“My friend, you know that I consider you but as gallant a man as it is
+possible for a provost to be in the discharge of his duty. Now, can I
+have confidence in you? I have here with me the fairest lady of the
+court. As for Englishmen, I have not sufficient of one to make the
+breakfast of the constable, M. de Richmond, who sends you here. This
+is (to be candid with you) the result of a bet made between myself and
+the constable, who shares it with the King. Both have wagered that
+they know who is the lady of my heart; and I have wagered to the
+contrary. No one more than myself hates the English, who took my
+estates in Piccadilly. Is it not a knavish trick to put justice in
+motion against me? Ho! Ho! my lord constable, a chamberlain is worth
+two of you, and I will beat you yet. My dear Petit, I give you
+permission to search by night and by day, every nook and cranny of my
+house. But come in here alone, search my room, turn the bed over, do
+what you like. Only allow me to cover with a cloth or a handkerchief
+this fair lady, who is at present in the costume of an archangel, in
+order that you may not know to what husband she belongs.”
+
+“Willingly,” said the provost. “But I am an old bird, not easily
+caught with chaff, and would like to be sure that it is really a lady
+of the court, and not an Englishman, for these English have flesh as
+white and soft as women, and I know it well, because I’ve hanged so
+many of them.”
+
+“Well then,” said the lord, “seeing of what crime I am suspected, from
+which I am bound to free myself, I will go and ask my lady-love to
+consent for a moment to abandon her modesty. She is too fond of me to
+refuse to save me from reproach. I will beg her to turn herself over
+and show you a physiognomy, which will in no way compromise her, and
+will be sufficient to enable you to recognise a noble woman, although
+she will be in a sense upside down.”
+
+“All right,” said the provost.
+
+The lady having heard every word, had folded up all her clothes, and
+put them under the bolster, had taken off her chemise, that her
+husband should not recognise it, had twisted her head up in a sheet,
+and had brought to light the carnal convexities which commenced where
+her spine finished.
+
+“Come in, my friend,” said the lord.
+
+The provost looked up the chimney, opened the cupboard, the clothes’
+chest, felt under the bed, in the sheets, and everywhere. Then he
+began to study what was on the bed.
+
+“My lord,” said he, regarding his legitimate appurtenances, “I have
+seen young English lads with backs like that. You must forgive me
+doing my duty, but I must see otherwise.”
+
+“What do you call otherwise?” said the lord.
+
+“Well, the other physiognomy, or, if you prefer it, the physiognomy of
+the other.”
+
+“Then you will allow madame to cover herself and arrange only to show
+you sufficient to convince you,” said the lover, knowing that the lady
+had a mark or two easy to recognise. “Turn your back a moment, so that
+my dear lady may satisfy propriety.”
+
+The wife smiled at her lover, kissed him for his dexterity, arranging
+herself cunningly; and the husband seeing in full that which the jade
+had never let him see before, was quite convinced that no English
+person could be thus fashioned without being a charming Englishwoman.
+
+“Yes, my lord,” he whispered in the ear of his lieutenant, “this is
+certainly a lady of the court, because the towns-women are neither so
+well formed nor so charming.”
+
+Then the house being thoroughly searched, and no Englishman found, the
+provost returned, as the constable had told him, to the king’s
+residence.
+
+“Is he slain?” said the constable.
+
+“Who?”
+
+“He who grafted horns upon your forehead.”
+
+“I only saw a lady in his couch, who seemed to be greatly enjoying
+herself with him.”
+
+“You, with your own eyes, saw this woman, cursed cuckold, and you did
+not kill your rival?”
+
+“It was not a common woman, but a lady of the court.”
+
+“You saw her?”
+
+“And verified her in both cases.”
+
+“What do you mean by those words?” cried the king, who was bursting
+with laughter.
+
+“I say, with all the respect due to your Majesty, that I have verified
+the over and the under.”
+
+“You do not, then, know the physiognomies of your own wife, you old
+fool without memory! You deserve to be hanged.”
+
+“I hold those features of my wife in too great respect to gaze upon
+them. Besides she is so modest that she would die rather than expose
+an atom of her body.”
+
+“True,” said the king; “it was not made to be shown.”
+
+“Old coquedouille! that was your wife,” said the constable.
+
+“My lord constable, she is asleep, poor girl!”
+
+“Quick, quick, then! To horse! Let us be off, and if she be in your
+house I’ll forgive you.”
+
+Then the constable, followed by the provost, went to the latter’s
+house in less time than it would have taken a beggar to empty the
+poor-box.
+
+“Hullo! there, hi!”
+
+Hearing the noise made by the men, which threatened to bring the walls
+about their ears, the maid-servant opened the door, yawning and
+stretching her arms. The constable and the provost rushed into the
+room, where, with great difficulty, they succeeded in waking the lady,
+who pretended to be terrified, and was so soundly asleep that her eyes
+were full of gum. At this the provost was in great glee, saying to the
+constable that someone had certainly deceived him, that his wife was a
+virtuous woman, and was more astonished than any of them at these
+proceedings. The constable turned on his heel and departed. The good
+provost began directly to undress to get to bed early, since this
+adventure had brought his good wife to his memory. When he was
+harnessing himself, and was knocking off his nether garments, madame,
+still astonished, said to him--
+
+“Oh, my dear husband, what is the meaning of all this uproar--this
+constable and his pages, and why did he come to see if I was asleep?
+Is it to be henceforward part of a constable’s duty to look after
+our . . .”
+
+“I do not know,” said the provost, interrupting her, to tell her what
+had happened to him.
+
+“And you saw without my permission a lady of the court! Ha! ha! heu!
+heu! hein!”
+
+Then she began to moan, to weep, and to cry in such a deplorable
+manner and so loudly, that her lord was quite aghast.
+
+“What’s the matter, my darling? What is it? What do you want?”
+
+“Ah! You won’t love me any more are after seeing how beautiful court
+ladies are!”
+
+“Nonsense, my child! They are great ladies. I don’t mind telling you
+in confidence; they are great ladies in every respect.”
+
+“Well,” said she, “am I nicer?”
+
+“Ah,” said he, “in a great measure. Yes!”
+
+“They have, then, great happiness,” said she, sighing, “when I have so
+much with so little beauty.”
+
+Thereupon the provost tried a better argument to argue with his good
+wife, and argued so well that she finished by allowing herself to be
+convinced that Heaven has ordained that much pleasure may be obtained
+from small things.
+
+This shows us that nothing here below can prevail against the Church
+of Cuckolds.
+
+
+
+    ABOUT THE MONK AMADOR, WHO WAS A GLORIOUS ABBOT OF TURPENAY
+
+One day that it was drizzling with rain--a time when the ladies remain
+gleefully at home, because they love the damp, and can have at their
+apron strings the men who are not disagreeable to them--the queen was
+in her chamber, at the castle of Amboise, against the window curtains.
+There, seated in her chair, she was working at a piece of tapestry to
+amuse herself, but was using her needle heedlessly, watching the rain
+fall into the Loire, and was lost in thought, where her ladies were
+following her example. The king was arguing with those of his court
+who had accompanied him from the chapel--for it was a question of
+returning to dominical vespers. His arguments, statements, and
+reasonings finished, he looked at the queen, saw that she was
+melancholy, saw that the ladies were melancholy also, and noted the
+fact that they were all acquainted with the mysteries of matrimony.
+
+“Did I not see the Abbot of Turpenay here just now?” said he.
+
+Hearing these words, there advanced towards the king the monk, who, by
+his constant petitions, rendered himself so obnoxious to Louis the
+Eleventh, that that monarch seriously commanded his provost-royal to
+remove him from his sight; and it has been related in the first volume
+of these Tales, how the monk was saved through the mistake of Sieur
+Tristan. The monk was at this time a man whose qualities had grown
+rapidly, so much so that his wit had communicated a jovial hue to his
+face. He was a great favourite with the ladies, who crammed him with
+wine, confectioneries, and dainty dishes at the dinners, suppers, and
+merry-makings, to which they invited him, because every host likes
+those cheerful guests of God with nimble jaws, who say as many words
+as they put away tit-bits. This abbot was a pernicious fellow, who
+would relate to the ladies many a merry tale, at which they were only
+offended when they had heard them; since, to judge them, things must
+be heard.
+
+“My reverend father,” said the king, “behold the twilight hour, in
+which ears feminine may be regaled with certain pleasant stories, for
+the ladies can laugh without blushing, or blush without laughing, as
+it suits them best. Give us a good story--a regular monk’s story. I
+shall listen to it, i’faith, with pleasure, because I want to be
+amused, and so do the ladies.”
+
+“We only submit to this, in order to please your lordship,” said the
+queen; “because our good friend the abbot goes a little too far.”
+
+“Then,” replied the king, turning towards the monk, “read us some
+Christian admonition, holy father, to amuse madame.”
+
+“Sire, my sight is weak, and the day is closing.”
+
+“Give us a story, then, that stops at the girdle.”
+
+“Ah, sire!” said the monk, smiling, “the one I am thinking of stops
+there; but it commences at the feet.”
+
+The lords present made such gallant remonstrances and supplications to
+the queen and her ladies, that, like the good Bretonne that she was,
+she gave the monk a gentle smile, and said--
+
+“As you will, my father; but you must answer to God for our sins.”
+
+“Willingly, madame; if it be your pleasure to take mine, you will be a
+gainer.”
+
+Everyone laughed, and so did queen. The king went and sat by his dear
+wife, well beloved by him, as everyone knows. The courtiers received
+permission to be seated--the old courtiers, of course, understood; for
+the young ones stood, by the ladies’ permission, beside their chairs,
+to laugh at the same time as they did. Then the Abbot of Turpenay
+gracefully delivered himself of the following tale, the risky passages
+of which he gave in a low, soft, flute-like voice:--
+
+About a hundred years ago at the least, there occurred great quarrels
+in Christendom because there were two popes at Rome, each one
+pretending to be legitimately elected, which caused great annoyance to
+the monasteries, abbeys, and bishoprics, since, in order to be
+recognised by as many as possible, each of the two popes granted
+titles and rights to each adherent, the which made double owners
+everywhere. Under these circumstances, the monasteries and abbeys that
+were at war with their neighbours would not recognise both the popes,
+and found themselves much embarrassed by the other, who always gave
+the verdict to the enemies of the Chapter. This wicked schism brought
+about considerable mischief, and proved abundantly that error is worse
+in Christianity than the adultery of the Church.
+
+Now at this time, when the devil was making havoc among our
+possessions, the most illustrious abbey of Turpenay, of which I am at
+present the unworthy ruler, had a heavy trial on concerning the
+settlements of certain rights with the redoubtable Sire de Cande, an
+idolatrous infidel, a relapsed heretic, and most wicked lord. This
+devil, sent upon earth in the shape of a nobleman, was, to tell the
+truth, a good soldier, well received at court, and a friend of the
+Sieur Bureau de la Riviere; who was a person to whom the king was
+exceedingly partial--King Charles the Fifth, of glorious memory.
+Beneath the shelter of the favour of this Sieur de la Riviere, Lord of
+Cande did exactly as he pleased in the valley of the Indre, where he
+used to be master of everything, from Montbazon to Usse. You may be
+sure that his neighbours were terribly afraid of him, and to save
+their skulls let him have his way. They would, however, have preferred
+him under the ground to above it, and heartily wished him bad luck;
+but he troubled himself little about that. In the whole valley the
+noble abbey alone showed fight to this demon, for it has always been a
+doctrine of the Church to take into her lap the weak and suffering,
+and use every effort to protect the oppressed, especially those whose
+rights and privileges are menaced.
+
+For this reason this rough warrior hated monks exceedingly, especially
+those of Turpenay, who would not allow themselves to be robbed of
+their rights either by force or stratagem. He was well pleased at the
+ecclesiastical schism, and waited the decision of our abbey,
+concerning which pope they should choose, to pillage them, being quite
+ready to recognise the one to whom the abbot of Turpenay should refuse
+his obedience. Since his return to his castle, it was his custom to
+torment and annoy the priests whom he encountered upon his domains in
+such a manner, that a poor monk, surprised by him on his private road,
+which was by the water-side, perceived no other method of safety than
+to throw himself into the river, where, by a special miracle of the
+Almighty, whom the good man fervently invoked, his gown floated him on
+the Indre, and he made his way comfortably to the other side, which he
+attained in full view of the lord of Cande, who was not ashamed to
+enjoy the terrors of a servant of God. Now you see of what stuff this
+horrid man was made. The abbot, to whom at that time, the care of our
+glorious abbey was committed, led a most holy life, and prayed to God
+with devotion; but he would have saved his own soul ten times, of such
+good quality was his religion, before finding a chance to save the
+abbey itself from the clutches of this wretch. Although he was very
+perplexed, and saw the evil hour at hand, he relied upon God for
+succour, saying that he would never allow the property of the Church
+to be touched, and that He who had raised up the Princess Judith for
+the Hebrews, and Queen Lucretia for the Romans, would keep his most
+illustrious abbey of Turpenay, and indulged in other equally sapient
+remarks. But his monks, who--to our shame I confess it--were
+unbelievers, reproached him with his happy-go-lucky way of looking at
+things, and declared that, to bring the chariot of Providence to the
+rescue in time, all the oxen in the province would have to be yoked
+it; that the trumpets of Jericho were no longer made in any portion of
+the world; that God was disgusted with His creation, and would have
+nothing more to do with it: in short, a thousand and one things that
+were doubts and contumelies against God.
+
+At this desperate juncture there rose up a monk named Amador. This
+name had been given him by way of a joke, since his person offered a
+perfect portrait of the false god Aegipan. He was like him, strong in
+the stomach; like him, had crooked legs; arms hairy as those of a
+saddler, a back made to carry a wallet, a face as red as the phiz of a
+drunkard, glistening eyes, a tangled beard, was hairy faced, and so
+puffed out with fat and meat that you would have fancied him in an
+interesting condition. You may be sure that he sung his matins on the
+steps of the wine-cellar, and said his vespers in the vineyards of
+Lord. He was as fond of his bed as a beggar with sores, and would go
+about the valley fuddling, faddling, blessing the bridals, plucking
+the grapes, and giving them to the girls to taste, in spite of the
+prohibition of the abbot. In fact, he was a pilferer, a loiterer, and
+a bad soldier of the ecclesiastical militia, of whom nobody in the
+abbey took any notice, but let him do as he liked from motives of
+Christian charity, thinking him mad.
+
+Amador, knowing that it was a question of the ruin of the Abbey, in
+which he was as snug as a bug in a rug, put up his bristles, took
+notice of this and of that, went into each of the cells, listened in
+the refectory, shivered in his shoes, and declared that he would
+attempt to save the abbey. He took cognisance of the contested points,
+received from the abbot permission to postpone the case, and was
+promised by the whole Chapter the Office of sub-prior if he succeeded
+in putting an end to the litigation. Then he set off across the
+country, heedless of the cruelty and ill-treatment of the Sieur de
+Cande, saying that he had that within his gown which would subdue him.
+He went his way with nothing but the said gown for his viaticum: but
+then in it was enough fat to feed a dwarf. He selected to go to the
+chateau, a day when it rained hard enough to fill the tubs of all the
+housewives, and arrived without meeting a soul, in sight of Cande, and
+looking like a drowned dog, stepped bravely into the courtyard, and
+took shelter under a sty-roof to wait until the fury of the elements
+had calmed down, and placed himself boldly in front of the room where
+the owner of the chateau should be. A servant perceiving him while
+laying the supper, took pity on him, and told him to make himself
+scarce, otherwise his master would give him a horsewhipping, just to
+open the conversation, and asked him what made him so bold as to enter
+a house where monks were hated more than a red leper.
+
+“Ah!” said Amador, “I am on my way to Tours, sent thither by my lord
+abbot. If the lord of Cande were not so bitter against the poor
+servant of God, I should not be kept during such a deluge in the
+courtyard, but in the house. I hope that he will find mercy in his
+hour of need.”
+
+The servant reported these words to his master, who at first wished to
+have the monk thrown into the big trough of the castle among the other
+filth. But the lady of Cande, who had great authority over her spouse,
+and was respected by him, because through her he expected a large
+inheritance, and because she was a little tyrannical, reprimanded him,
+saying, that it was possible this monk was a Christian; that in such
+weather thieves would succour an officer of justice; that, besides, it
+was necessary to treat him well to find out to what decision the
+brethren of Turpenay had come with regard to the schism business, and
+that her advice was put an end by kindness and not by force to the
+difficulties arisen between the abbey and the domain of Cande, because
+no lord since the coming of Christ had ever been stronger than the
+Church, and that sooner or later the abbey would ruin the castle;
+finally, she gave utterance to a thousand wise arguments, such as
+ladies use in the height of the storms of life, when they have had
+about enough of them. Amador’s face was so piteous, his appearance so
+wretched, and so open to banter, that the lord, saddened by the
+weather, conceived the idea of enjoying a joke at his expense,
+tormenting him, playing tricks on him, and of giving him a lively
+recollection of his reception at the chateau. Then this gentleman, who
+had secret relations with his wife’s maid, sent this girl, who was
+called Perrotte, to put an end to his ill-will towards the luckless
+Amador. As soon as the plot had been arranged between them, the wench,
+who hated monks, in order to please her master, went to the monk, who
+was standing under the pigsty, assuming a courteous demeanour in order
+the better to please him, said--
+
+“Holy father, the master of the house is ashamed to see a servant of
+God out in the rain when there is room for him indoors, a good fire in
+the chimney, and a table spread. I invite you in his name and that of
+the lady of the house to step in.”
+
+“I thank the lady and lord, not for their hospitality which is a
+Christian thing, but for having sent as an ambassador to me, a poor
+sinner, an angel of such delicate beauty that I fancy I see the Virgin
+over our altar.”
+
+Saying which, Amador raised his nose in the air, and saluted with the
+two flakes of fire that sparkled in his bright eyes the pretty
+maidservant, who thought him neither so ugly nor so foul, nor so
+bestial; when, following Perrotte up the steps, Amador received on the
+nose, cheeks, and other portions of his face a slash of the whip,
+which made him see all the lights of the Magnificat, so well was the
+dose administered by the Sieur de Cande, who, busy chastening his
+greyhounds pretended not see the monk. He requested Amador to pardon
+him this accident, and ran after the dogs who had caused the mischief
+to his guest. The laughing servant, who knew what was coming, had
+dexterously kept out of the way. Noticing this business, Amador
+suspected the relations of Perrotte and the chevalier, concerning whom
+it is possible that the lasses of the valley had already whispered
+something into his ear. Of the people who were then in the room not
+one made room for the man of God, who remained right in the draught
+between the door and the window, where he stood freezing until the
+moment when the Sieur de Cande, his wife, and his aged sister,
+Mademoiselle de Cande, who had the charge of the young heiress of the
+house, aged about sixteen years, came and sat in their chairs at the
+head of the table, far from the common people, according to the old
+custom usual among the lords of the period, much to their discredit.
+
+The Sieur de Cande, paying no attention to the monk, let him sit at
+the extreme end of the table, in a corner, where two mischievous lads
+had orders to squeeze and elbow him. Indeed these fellows worried his
+feet, his body, and his arms like real torturers, poured white wine
+into his goblet for water, in order to fuddle him, and the better to
+amuse themselves with him; but they made him drink seven large jugfuls
+without making belch, break wind, sweat or snort, which horrified them
+exceedingly, especially as his eye remained as clear as crystal.
+Encouraged, however, by a glance from their lord, they still kept
+throwing, while bowing to him, gravy into his beard, and wiping it dry
+in a manner to tear every hair of it out. The varlet who served a
+caudle baptised his head with it, and took care to let the burning
+liquor trickle down poor Amador’s backbone. All this agony he endured
+with meekness, because the spirit of God was in him, and also the hope
+of finishing the litigation by holding out in the castle.
+Nevertheless, the mischievous lot burst out into such roars of
+laughter at the warm baptism given by the cook’s lad to the soaked
+monk, even the butler making jokes at his expense, that the lady of
+Cande was compelled to notice what was going on at the end of the
+table. Then she perceived Amador, who had a look of sublime
+resignation upon his face, and was endeavouring to get something out
+of the big beef bones that had been put upon his pewter platter. At
+this moment the poor monk, who had administered a dexterous blow of
+the knife to a big ugly bone, took it into his hairy hands, snapped it
+in two, sucked the warm marrow out of it, and found it good.
+
+“Truly,” said she to herself, “God has put great strength into this
+monk!”
+
+At the same time she seriously forbade the pages, servants, and others
+to torment the poor man, to whom out of mockery they had just given
+some rotten apples and maggoty nuts. He, perceiving that the old lady
+and her charge, the lady and the servants had seen him manoeuvring the
+bone, pushed backed his sleeve, showed the powerful muscles of his
+arm, placed nuts near his wrist on the bifurcation of the veins, and
+crushed them one by one by pressing them with the palm of his hand so
+vigorously that they appeared like ripe medlars. He also crunched them
+between his teeth, white as the teeth of a dog, husk, shell, fruit,
+and all, of which he made in a second a mash which he swallowed like
+honey. He crushed them between two fingers, which he used like
+scissors to cut them in two without a moment’s hesitation.
+
+You may be sure that the women were silent, that the men believed the
+devil to be in the monk; and had it not been for his wife and the
+darkness of the night, the Sieur de Cande, having the fear of God
+before his eyes, would have kicked him out of the house. Everyone
+declared that the monk was a man capable of throwing the castle into
+the moat. Therefore, as soon as everyone had wiped his mouth, my lord
+took care to imprison this devil, whose strength was terrible to
+behold, and had him conducted to a wretched little closet where
+Perrotte had arranged her machine in order to annoy him during the
+night. The tom-cats of the neighbourhood had been requested to come
+and confess to him, invited to tell him their sins in embryo towards
+the tabbies who attracted their affections, and also the little pigs
+for whom fine lumps of tripe had been placed under the bed in order to
+prevent them becoming monks, of which they were very desirous, by
+disgusting them with the style of libera, which the monk would sing to
+them. At every movement of poor Amador, who would find short
+horse-hair in the sheets, he would bring down cold water on to the bed,
+and a thousand other tricks were arranged, such are usually practised
+in castles. Everyone went to bed in expectation of the nocturnal revels
+of the monk, certain that they would not be disappointed, since he had
+been lodged under the tiles at the top of a little tower, the guard of
+the door of which was committed to dogs who howled for a bit of him.
+In order to ascertain what language the conversations with the cats
+and pigs would be carried on, the Sire came to stay with his dear
+Perrotte, who slept in the next room.
+
+As soon as he found himself thus treated, Amador drew from his bag a
+knife, and dexterously extricated himself. Then he began to listen in
+order to find out the ways of the place, and heard the master of the
+house laughing with his maid-servant. Suspecting their manoeuvres, he
+waited till the moment when the lady of the house should be alone in
+bed, and made his way into her room with bare feet, in order that his
+sandals should not be in his secrets. He appeared to her by the light
+of the lamp in the manner in which monks generally appear during the
+night--that is, in a marvellous state, which the laity find it
+difficult long to sustain; and the thing is an effect of the frock,
+which magnifies everything. Then having let her see that he was all a
+monk, he made the following little speech--
+
+“Know, madame, that I am sent by Jesus and the Virgin Mary to warn you
+to put an end to the improper perversities which are taking place--to
+the injury of your virtue, which is treacherously deprived of your
+husband’s best attention, which he lavishes upon your maid. What is
+the use of being a lady if the seigneurial dues are received
+elsewhere. According to this, your servant is the lady and you are the
+servant. Are not all the joys bestowed upon her due to you? You will
+find them all amassed in our Holy Church, which is the consolation of
+the afflicted. Behold in me the messenger, ready to pay these debts if
+you do not renounce them.”
+
+Saying this, the good monk gently loosened his girdle in which he was
+incommoded, so much did he appear affected by the sight of those
+beauties which the Sieur de Cande disdained.
+
+“If you speak truly, my father, I will submit to your guidance,” said
+she, springing lightly out of bed. “You are for sure, a messenger of
+God, because you have been in a single day that which I had not
+noticed here for a long time.”
+
+Then she went, accompanied by Amador, whose holy robe she did not fail
+to run her hand over, and was so struck when she found it real, that
+she hoped to find her husband guilty; and indeed she heard him talking
+about the monk in her servant’s bed. Perceiving this felony, she went
+into a furious rage and opened her mouth to resolve it into words--
+which is the usual method of women--and wished to kick up the devil’s
+delight before handing the girl over to justice. But Amador told her
+that it would be more sensible to avenge herself first, and cry out
+afterwards.
+
+“Avenge me quickly, then, my father,” said she, “that I may begin to
+cry out.”
+
+Thereupon the monk avenged her most monastically with a good and ample
+vengeance, that she indulged in as a drunkard who puts his lips to the
+bunghole of a barrel; for when a lady avenges herself, she should get
+drunk with vengeance, or not taste it at all. And the chatelaine was
+revenged to that degree that she could not move; since nothing
+agitates, takes away the breath, and exhausts, like anger and
+vengeance. But although she were avenged, and doubly and trebly
+avenged, yet would she not forgive, in order that she might reserve
+the right of avenging herself with the monk, now here, now there.
+Perceiving this love for vengeance, Amador promised to aid her in it
+as long as her ire lasted, for he informed her that he knew in his
+quality of a monk, constrained to meditate long on the nature of
+things, an infinite number of modes, methods, and manners of
+practicing revenge.
+
+Then he pointed out to her canonically what a Christian thing it is to
+revenge oneself, because all through the Holy Scriptures God declares
+Himself, above all things, to be a God of vengeance; and moreover,
+demonstrates to us, by his establishment in the infernal regions, how
+royally divine a thing vengeance is, since His vengeance is eternal.
+From which it followed, that women with monks ought to revenge
+themselves, under pain of not being Christians and faithful servants
+of celestial doctrines.
+
+This dogma pleased the lady much, and she confessed that she had never
+understood the commandments of the Church, and invited her
+well-beloved monk to enlighten her thoroughly concerning them. Then
+the chatelaine, whose vital spirits had been excited by the vengeance
+which had refreshed them, went into the room where the jade was
+amusing herself, and by chance found her with her hand where she, the
+chatelaine, often had her eye--like the merchants have on their most
+precious articles, in order to see that they were not stolen. They
+were--according to President Lizet, when he was in a merry mood--a
+couple taken in flagrant delectation, and looked dumbfounded, sheepish
+and foolish. The sight that met her eyes displeased the lady beyond
+the power of words to express, as it appeared by her discourse, of
+which to roughness was similar to that of the water of a big pond when
+the sluice-gates were opened. It was a sermon in three heads,
+accompanied with music of a high gamut, varied in tones, with many
+sharps among the keys.
+
+“Out upon virtue! my lord; I’ve had my share of it. You have shown me
+that religion in conjugal faith is an abuse; this is then the reason
+that I have no son. How many children have you consigned to this
+common oven, this poor-box, this bottomless alms-purse, this leper’s
+porringer, the true cemetery of the House of Cande? I will know if I
+am childless from a constitutional defect, or through your fault. I
+will have handsome cavaliers, in order that I may have an heir. You
+can get the bastards, I the legitimate children.”
+
+“My dear,” said the bewildered lord, “don’t shout so.”
+
+“But,” replied the lady, “I will shout, and shout to make myself
+heard, heard by the archbishop, heard by the legate, by the king, by
+my brothers, who will avenge this infamy for me.”
+
+“Do not dishonour your husband!”
+
+“This is dishonour then? You are right; but, my lord, it is not
+brought about by you, but by this hussy, whom I will have sewn up in a
+sack, and thrown into the Indre; thus your dishonour will be washed
+away. Hi! there,” she called out.
+
+“Silence, madame!” said the sire, as shamefaced as a blind man’s dog;
+because this great warrior, so ready to kill others, was like a child
+in the hands of his wife, a state of affairs to which soldiers are
+accustomed, because in them lies the strength and is found all the
+dull carnality of matter; while, on the contrary, in woman is a subtle
+spirit and a scintillation of perfumed flame that lights up paradise
+and dazzles the male. This is the reason that certain women govern
+their husbands, because mind is the master of matter.
+
+(At this the ladies began to laugh, as did also the king).
+
+“I will not be silent,” said the lady of Cande (said the abbot,
+continuing his tale); “I have been too grossly outraged. This, then,
+is the reward of the wealth that I brought you, and of my virtuous
+conduct! Did I ever refuse to obey you even during Lent, and on fast
+days? Am I so cold as to freeze the sun? Do you think that I embrace
+by force, from duty, or pure kindness of heart! Am I too hallowed for
+you to touch? Am I a holy shrine? Was there need of a papal brief to
+kiss me? God’s truth! have you had so much of me that you are tired?
+Am I not to your taste? Do charming wenches know more than ladies? Ha!
+perhaps it is so, since she has let you work in the field without
+sowing. Teach me the business; I will practice it with those whom I
+take into my service, for it is settled that I am free. That is as we
+should be. Your society was wearisome, and the little pleasure I
+derived from it cost me too dear. Thank God! I am quit of you and your
+whims, because I intend to retire to a monastery.” . . . She meant to
+say a convent, but this avenging monk had perverted her tongue.
+
+“And I shall be more comfortable in this monastery with my daughter,
+than in this place of abominable wickedness. You can inherit from your
+wench. Ha, ha! The fine lady of Cande! Look at her!”
+
+“What is the matter?” said Amador, appearing suddenly upon the scene.
+
+“The matter is, my father,” replied she, “that my wrongs cry aloud for
+vengeance. To begin with, I shall have this trollop thrown into the
+river, sewn up in a sack, for having diverted the seed of the House of
+Cande from its proper channel. It will be saving the hangman a job.
+For the rest I will--”
+
+“Abandon your anger, my daughter,” said the monk. “It is commanded us
+by the Church to forgive those who trespass against us, if we would
+find favour in the side of Heaven, because you pardon those who also
+pardon others. God avenges himself eternally on those who have avenged
+themselves, but keeps in His paradise those who have pardoned. From
+that comes the jubilee, which is a day of great rejoicing, because all
+debts and offences are forgiven. Thus it is a source of happiness to
+pardon. Pardon! Pardon! To pardon is a most holy work. Pardon
+Monseigneur de Cande, who will bless you for your gracious clemency,
+and will henceforth love you much; This forgiveness will restore to
+you the flower of youth; and believe, my dear sweet young lady, that
+forgiveness is in certain cases the best means of vengeance. Pardon
+your maid-servant, who will pray heaven for you. Thus God, supplicated
+by all, will have you in His keeping, and will bless you with male
+lineage for this pardon.”
+
+Thus saying, the monk took the hand of the sire, placed it in that of
+the lady, and added--
+
+“Go and talk over the pardon.”
+
+And then he whispered into the husband’s ears this sage advice--
+
+“My lord, use your best argument, and you will silence her with it,
+because a woman’s mouth it is only full of words when she is empty
+elsewhere. Argue continually, and thus you will always have the upper
+hand of your wife.”
+
+“By the body of the Jupiter! There’s good in this monk after all,”
+ said the seigneur, as he went out.
+
+As soon as Amador found himself alone with Perrotte he spoke to her,
+as follows--
+
+“You are to blame, my dear, for having wished to torment a poor
+servant of God; therefore are you now the object of celestial wrath,
+which will fall upon you. To whatever place you fly it will always
+follow you, will seize upon you in every limb, even after your death,
+and will cook you like a pasty in the oven of hell, where you will
+simmer eternally, and every day you will receive seven hundred
+thousand million lashes of the whip, for the one I received through
+you.”
+
+“Ah! holy Father,” said the wench, casting herself at the monk’s feet,
+“you alone can save me, for in your gown I should be sheltered from
+the anger of God.”
+
+Saying this, she raised the robe to place herself beneath it, and
+exclaimed--
+
+“By my faith! monks are better than knights.”
+
+“By the sulphur of the devil! You are not acquainted with the monks?”
+
+“No,” said Perrotte.
+
+“And you don’t know the service that monks sing without saying a
+word?”
+
+“No.”
+
+Thereupon the monk went through this said service for her, as it is
+sung on great feast days, with all the grand effects used in
+monasteries, the psalms well chanted in f major, the flaming tapers,
+and the choristers, and explained to her the _Introit_, and also the
+_ite missa est_, and departed, leaving her so sanctified that the
+wrath of heaven would have great difficulty in discovering any portion
+of the girl that was not thoroughly monasticated.
+
+By his orders, Perrotte conducted him to Mademoiselle de Cande, the
+lord’s sister, to whom he went in order to learn if it was her desire
+to confess to him, because monks came so rarely to the castle. The
+lady was delighted, as would any good Christian have been, at such a
+chance of clearing out her conscience. Amador requested her to show
+him her conscience, and she having allowed him to see that which he
+considered the conscience of old maids, he found it in a bad state,
+and told her that the sins of women were accomplished there; that to
+be for the future without sin it was necessary to have the conscience
+corked up by a monk’s indulgence. The poor ignorant lady having
+replied that she did not know where these indulgences were to be had,
+the monk informed her that he had a relic with him which enabled him
+to grant one, that nothing was more indulgent than this relic, because
+without saying a word it produced infinite pleasures, which is the
+true, eternal and primary character of an indulgence. The poor lady
+was so pleased with this relic, the virtue of which she tried in
+various ways, that her brain became muddled, and she had so much faith
+in it that she indulged as devoutly in indulgences as the Lady of
+Cande had indulged in vengeances. This business of confession woke up
+the younger Demoiselle de Cande, who came to watch the proceedings.
+You may imagine that the monk had hoped for this occurrence, since his
+mouth had watered at the sight of this fair blossom, whom he also
+confessed, because the elder lady could not hinder him from bestowing
+upon the younger one, who wished it, what remained of the indulgences.
+But, remember, this pleasure was due to him for the trouble he had
+taken. The morning having dawned, the pigs having eaten their tripe,
+and the cats having become disenchanted with love, and having watered
+all the places rubbed with herbs, Amador went to rest himself in his
+bed, which Perrotte had put straight again. Every one slept, thanks to
+the monk, so long, that no one in the castle was up before noon, which
+was the dinner hour. The servants all believed the monk to be a devil
+who had carried off the cats, the pigs, and also their masters. In
+spite of these ideas however, every one was in the room at meal time.
+
+“Come, my father,” said the chatelaine, giving her arm to the monk,
+whom she put at her side in the baron’s chair, to the great
+astonishment of the attendants, because the Sire of Cande said not a
+word. “Page, give some of this to Father Amador,” said madame.
+
+“Father Amador has need of so and so,” said the Demoiselle de Cande.
+
+“Fill up Father Amador’s goblet,” said the sire.
+
+“Father Amador has no bread,” said the little lady.
+
+“What do you require, Father Amador?” said Perrotte.
+
+It was Father Amador here, and Father Amador there. He was regaled
+like a little maiden on her wedding night.
+
+“Eat, father,” said madame; “you made such a bad meal yesterday.”
+
+“Drink, father,” said the sire. “You are, s’blood! the finest monk I
+have ever set eyes on.”
+
+“Father Amador is a handsome monk,” said Perrotte.
+
+“An indulgent monk,” said the demoiselle.
+
+“A beneficent monk,” said the little one.
+
+“A great monk,” said the lady.
+
+“A monk who well deserves his name,” said the clerk of the castle.
+
+Amador munched and chewed, tried all the dishes, lapped up the
+hypocras, licked his chops, sneezed, blew himself out, strutted and
+stamped about like a bull in a field. The others regarded him with
+great fear, believing him to be a magician. Dinner over, the Lady of
+Cande, the demoiselle, and the little one, besought the Sire of Cande
+with a thousand fine arguments, to terminate the litigation. A great
+deal was said to him by madame, who pointed out to him how useful a
+monk was in a castle; by mademoiselle, who wished for the future to
+polish up her conscience every day; by the little one, who pulled her
+father’s beard, and asked that this monk might always be at Cande. If
+ever the difference were arranged, it would be by the monk: the monk
+was of a good understanding, gentle and virtuous as a saint; it was a
+misfortune to be at enmity with a monastery containing such monks. If
+all the monks were like him, the abbey would always have everywhere
+the advantage of the castle, and would ruin it, because this monk was
+very strong. Finally, they gave utterance to a thousand reasons, which
+were like a deluge of words, and were so pluvially showered down that
+the sire yielded, saying, that there would never be a moment’s peace
+in the house until matters were settled to the satisfaction of the
+women. Then he sent for the clerk, who wrote down for him, and also
+for the monk. Then Amador surprised them exceedingly by showing them
+the charters and the letters of credit, which would prevent the sire
+and his clerk delaying this agreement. When the Lady of Cande saw them
+about to put an end to this old case, she went to the linen chest to
+get some fine cloth to make a new gown for her dear Amador. Every one
+in the house had noticed how this old gown was worn, and it would have
+been a great shame to leave such a treasure in such a worn-out case.
+Everyone was eager to work at the gown. Madame cut it, the servant put
+the hood on, the demoiselle sewed it, and the little demoiselle worked
+at the sleeves. And all set so heartily to work to adorn the monk,
+that the robe was ready by supper time, as was also the charter of
+agreement prepared and sealed by the Sire de Cande.
+
+“Ah, my father!” said the lady, “if you love us, you will refresh
+yourself after your merry labour by washing yourself in a bath that I
+have had heated by Perrotte.”
+
+Amador was then bathed in scented water. When he came out he found a
+new robe of fine linen and lovely sandals ready for him, which made
+him appear the most glorious monk in the world.
+
+Meanwhile the monks of Turpenay fearing for Amador, had ordered two of
+their number to spy about the castle. These spies came round by the
+moat, just as Perrotte threw Amador’s greasy old gown, with other
+rubbish, into it. Seeing which, they thought that it was all over with
+the poor madman. They therefore returned, and announced that it was
+certain Amador had suffered martyrdom in the service of the abbey.
+Hearing which the abbot ordered them to assemble in the chapel and
+pray to God, in order to assist this devoted servant in his torments.
+The monk having supped, put his charter into his girdle, and wished to
+return to Turpenay. Then he found at the foot of the steps madame’s
+mare, bridled and saddled, and held ready for him by a groom. The lord
+had ordered his men-at-arms to accompany the good monk, so that no
+accident might befall him. Seeing which, Amador pardoned the tricks of
+the night before, and bestowed his benediction upon every one before
+taking his departure from this converted place. Madame followed him
+with her eyes, and proclaimed him a splendid rider. Perrotte declared
+that for a monk he held himself more upright in the saddle than any of
+the men-at-arms. Mademoiselle de Cande sighed. The little one wished
+to have him for her confessor.
+
+“He has sanctified the castle,” said they, when they were in the room
+again.
+
+When Amador and his suite came to the gates of the abbey, a scene of
+terror ensued, since the guardian thought that the Sire de Cande had
+had his appetite for monks whetted by the blood of poor Amador, and
+wished to sack the abbey. But Amador shouted with his fine bass voice,
+and was recognised and admitted into the courtyard; and when he
+dismounted from madame’s mare there was enough uproar to make the
+monks as a wild as April moons. They gave vent to shouts of joy in the
+refectory, and all came to congratulate Amador, who waved the charter
+over his head. The men-at-arms were regaled with the best wine in the
+cellars, which was a present made to the monks of Turpenay by those of
+Marmoustier, to whom belonged the lands of Vouvray. The good abbot
+having had the document of the Sieur de Cande read, went about
+saying--
+
+“On these divine occasions there always appears the finger of God, to
+whom we should render thanks.”
+
+As the good abbot kept on at the finger of God, when thanking Amador,
+the monk, annoyed to see the instrument of their delivery thus
+diminished, said to him--
+
+“Well, say that it is the arm, my father, and drop the subject.”
+
+The termination of the trial between the Sieur de Cande and the abbey
+of Turpenay was followed by a blessing which rendered him devoted to
+the Church, because nine months after he had a son. Two years
+afterwards Amador was chosen as abbot by the monks, who reckoned upon
+a merry government with a madcap. But Amador become an abbot, became
+steady and austere, because he had conquered his evil desires by his
+labours, and recast his nature at the female forge, in which is that
+fire which is the most perfecting, persevering, persistent,
+perdurable, permanent, perennial, and permeating fire that there ever
+was in the world. It is a fire to ruin everything, and it ruined so
+well the evil that was in Amador, that it left only that which it
+could not eat--that is, his wit, which was as clear as a diamond,
+which is, as everyone knows, a residue of the great fire by which our
+globe was formerly carbonised. Amador was then the instrument chosen
+by Providence to reform our illustrious abbey, since he put everything
+right there, watched night and day over his monks, made them all rise
+at the hours appointed for prayers, counted them in chapel as a
+shepherd counts his sheep, kept them well in hand, and punished their
+faults severely, that he made them most virtuous brethren.
+
+This teaches us to look upon womankind more as the instruments of our
+salvation than of our pleasure. Besides which, this narrative teaches
+us that we should never attempt to struggle with the Churchmen.
+
+The king and the queen had found this tale in the best taste; the
+courtiers confessed that they had never heard a better; and the ladies
+would all willingly have been the heroines of it.
+
+
+
+                        BERTHA THE PENITENT
+
+I
+HOW BERTHA REMAINED A MAIDEN IN THE MARRIED STATE
+
+About the time of the first flight of the Dauphin, which threw our
+good Sire, Charles the Victorious, into a state of great dejection,
+there happened a great misfortune to a noble House of Touraine, since
+extinct in every branch; and it is owing to this fact that this most
+deplorable history may now be safely brought to light. To aid him in
+this work the author calls to his assistance the holy confessors,
+martyrs, and other celestial dominations, who, by the commandments of
+God, were the promoters of good in this affair.
+
+From some defect in his character, the Sire Imbert de Bastarnay, one
+of the most landed lords in our land of Touraine, had no confidence in
+the mind of the female of man, whom he considered much too animated,
+on account of her numerous vagaries, and it may be he was right. In
+consequence of this idea he reached his old age without a companion,
+which was certainly not to his advantage. Always leading a solitary
+life, this said man had no idea of making himself agreeable to others,
+having only been mixed up with wars and the orgies of bachelors, with
+whom he did not put himself out of the way. Thus he remained stale in
+his garments, sweaty in his accoutrements, with dirty hands and an
+apish face. In short, he looked the ugliest man in Christendom. As far
+as regards his person only though, since so far as his heart, his
+head, and other secret places were concerned, he had properties which
+rendered him most praiseworthy. An angel (pray believe this) would
+have walked a long way without meeting an old warrior firmer at his
+post, a lord with more spotless scutcheon, of shorter speech, and more
+perfect loyalty.
+
+Certain people have stated, they have heard that he gave sound advice,
+and was a good and profitable man to consult. Was it not a strange
+freak on the part of God, who plays sometimes jokes on us, to have
+granted so many perfections to a man so badly apparelled?
+
+When he was sixty in appearance, although only fifty in years, he
+determined to take unto himself a wife, in order to obtain lineage.
+Then, while foraging about for a place where he might be able to find
+a lady to his liking, he heard much vaunted, the great merits and
+perfections of a daughter of the illustrious house of Rohan, which at
+that time had some property in the province. The young lady in
+question was called Bertha, that being her pet name. Imbert having
+been to see her at the castle of Montbazon, was, in consequence of the
+prettiness and innocent virtue of the said Bertha de Rohan, seized
+with so great a desire to possess her, that he determined to make her
+his wife, believing that never could a girl of such lofty descent fail
+in her duty. This marriage was soon celebrated, because the Sire de
+Rohan had seven daughters, and hardly knew how to provide for them
+all, at a time when people were just recovering from the late wars,
+and patching up their unsettled affairs. Now the good man Bastarnay
+happily found Bertha really a maiden, which fact bore witness to her
+proper bringing up and perfect maternal correction. So immediately the
+night arrived when it should be lawful for him to embrace her, he got
+her with a child so roughly that he had proof of the result two months
+after marriage, which rendered the Sire Imbert joyful to a degree. In
+order that we may here finish with this portion of the story, let us
+at once state that from this legitimate grain was born the Sire de
+Bastarnay, who was Duke by the grace of Louis the Eleventh, his
+chamberlain, and more than that, his ambassador in the countries of
+Europe, and well-beloved of this most redoubtable lord, to whom he
+was never faithless. His loyalty was an heritage from his father, who
+from his early youth was much attached to the Dauphin, whose fortunes
+he followed, even in the rebellions, since he was a man to put Christ
+on the cross again if it had been required by him to do so, which is
+the flower of friendship rarely to be found encompassing princes and
+great people. At first, the fair lady of Bastarnay comported herself
+so loyally that her society caused those thick vapours and black
+clouds to vanish, which obscured the mind of this great man, the
+brightness of the feminine glory. Now, according to the custom of
+unbelievers, he passed from suspicion to confidence so thoroughly,
+that he yielded up the government of his house to the said Bertha,
+made her mistress of his deeds and actions, queen of his honour,
+guardian of his grey hairs, and would have slaughtered without a
+contest any one who had said an evil word concerning this mirror of
+virtue, on whom no breath had fallen save the breath issued from his
+conjugal and marital lips, cold and withered as they were. To speak
+truly on all points, it should be explained, that to this virtuous
+behaviour considerably aided the little boy, who during six years
+occupied day and night the attention of his pretty mother, who first
+nourished him with her milk, and made of him a lover’s lieutenant,
+yielding to him her sweet breasts, which he gnawed at, hungry, as
+often as he would, and was, like a lover, always there. This good
+mother knew no other pleasures than those of his rosy lips, had no
+other caresses that those of his tiny little hands, which ran about
+her like the feet of playful mice, read no other book than that in his
+clear baby eyes, in which the blue sky was reflected, and listened to
+no other music than his cries, which sounded in her ears as angels’
+whispers. You may be sure that she was always fondling him, had a
+desire to kiss him at dawn of day, kissed him in the evening, would
+rise in the night to eat him up with kisses, made herself a child as
+he was a child, educated him in the perfect religion of maternity;
+finally, behaved as the best and happiest mother that ever lived,
+without disparagement to our Lady the Virgin, who could have had
+little trouble in bringing up our Saviour, since he was God.
+
+This employment and the little taste which Bertha had for the blisses
+of matrimony much delighted the old man, since he would have been
+unable to return the affection of a too amorous wife, and desired to
+practice economy, to have the wherewithal for a second child.
+
+After six years had passed away, the mother was compelled to give her
+son into the hands of the grooms and other persons to whom Messire de
+Bastarnay committed the task to mould him properly, in order that his
+heir should have an heritage of the virtues, qualities and courage of
+the house, as well as the domains and the name. Then did Bertha shed
+many tears, her happiness being gone. For the great heart of this
+mother it was nothing to have this well-beloved son after others, and
+during only certain short fleeting hours. Therefore she became sad and
+melancholy. Noticing her grief, the good man wished to bestow upon her
+another child and could not, and the poor lady was displeased thereat,
+because she declared that the making of a child wearied her much and
+cost her dear. And this is true, or no doctrine is true, and you must
+burn the Gospels as a pack of stories if you have not faith in this
+innocent remark.
+
+This, nevertheless, to certain ladies (I did not mention men, since
+they have a smattering of the science), will still seem an untruth.
+The writer has taken care here to give the mute reasons for this
+strange antipathy; I mean the distastes of Bertha, because I love the
+ladies above all things, knowing that for want of the pleasure of
+love, my face would grow old and my heart torment me. Did you ever
+meet a scribe so complacent and so fond of the ladies as I am? No; of
+course not. Therefore, do I love them devotedly, but not so often as I
+could wish, since I have oftener in my hands my goose-quill than I
+have the barbs with which one tickles their lips to make them laugh
+and be merry in all innocence. I understand them, and in this way.
+
+The good man Bastarnay was not a smart young fellow of an amorous
+nature, and acquainted with the pranks of the thing. He did not
+trouble himself much about the fashion in which he killed a soldier so
+long as he killed him; that he would have killed him in all ways
+without saying a word in battle, is, of course, understood. The
+perfect heedlessness in the matter of death was in accordance with the
+nonchalance in the matter of life, the birth and manner of begetting a
+child, and the ceremonies thereto appertaining. The good sire was
+ignorant of the many litigious, dilatory, interlocutory and
+proprietary exploits and the little humourings of the little fagots
+placed in the oven to heat it; of the sweet perfumed branches gathered
+little by little in the forests of love, fondlings, coddlings,
+huggings, nursing, the bites at the cherry, the cat-licking, and other
+little tricks and traffic of love which ruffians know, which lovers
+preserve, and which the ladies love better than their salvation,
+because there is more of the cat than the woman in them. This shines
+forth in perfect evidence in their feminine ways. If you think it
+worth while watching them, examine them attentively while they eat:
+not one of them (I am speaking of women, noble and well-educated) puts
+her knife in the eatables and thrusts it into her mouth, as do
+brutally the males; no, they turn over their food, pick the pieces
+that please them as they would gray peas in a dovecote; they suck the
+sauces by mouthfuls; play with their knife and spoon as if they are
+only ate in consequence of a judge’s order, so much do they dislike to
+go straight to the point, and make free use of variations, finesse,
+and little tricks in everything, which is the especial attribute of
+these creatures, and the reason that the sons of Adam delight in them,
+since they do everything differently to themselves, and they do well.
+You think so too. Good! I love you.
+
+Now then, Imbert de Bastarnay, an old soldier, ignorant of the tricks
+of love, entered into the sweet garden of Venus as he would into a
+place taken by assault, without giving any heed to the cries of the
+poor inhabitants in tears, and placed a child as he would an arrow in
+the dark. Although the gentle Bertha was not used to such treatment
+(poor child, she was but fifteen), she believed in her virgin faith,
+that the happiness of becoming a mother demanded this terrible,
+dreadful bruising and nasty business; so during his painful task she
+would pray to God to assist her, and recite _Aves_ to our Lady,
+esteeming her lucky, in only having the Holy Ghost to endure. By this
+means, never having experienced anything but pain in marriage, she
+never troubled her husband to go through the ceremony again. Now
+seeing that the old fellow was scarcely equal to it--as has been
+before stated--she lived in perfect solitude, like a nun. She hated
+the society of men, and never suspected that the Author of the world
+had put so much joy in that from which she had only received infinite
+misery. But she loved all the more her little one, who had cost her so
+much before he was born. Do not be astonished, therefore, that she
+held aloof from that gallant tourney in which it is the mare who
+governs her cavalier, guides him, fatigues him, and abuses him, if he
+stumbles. This is the true history of certain unhappy unions,
+according to the statement of the old men and women, and the certain
+reason of the follies committed by certain women, who too late
+perceive, I know not how, that they have been deceived, and attempt to
+crowd into a day more time than it will hold, to have their proper
+share of life. That is philosophical, my friends. Therefore study well
+this page, in order that you may wisely look to the proper government
+of your wives, your sweethearts, and all females generally, and
+particularly those who by chance may be under your care, from which
+God preserve you.
+
+Thus a virgin in deed, although a mother, Bertha was in her
+one-and-twentieth year a castle flower, the glory of her good man,
+and the honour of the province. The said Bastarnay took great pleasure
+in beholding this child come, go, and frisk about like a willow-switch,
+as lively as an eel, as innocent as her little one, and still most
+sensible and of sound understanding; so much so that he never
+undertook any project without consulting her about it, seeing that if
+the minds of these angels have not been disturbed in their purity,
+they give a sound answer to everything one asks of them. At this time
+Bertha lived near the town of Loches, in the castle of her lord, and
+there resided, with no desire to do anything but look after her
+household duties, after the old custom of the good housewives, from
+which the ladies of France were led away when Queen Catherine and the
+Italians came with their balls and merry-makings. To these practices
+Francis the First and his successors, whose easy ways did as much harm
+to the State of France as the goings on of the Protestants lent their
+aid. This, however, has nothing to do with my story.
+
+About this time the lord and lady of Bastarnay were invited by the
+king to come to his town of Loches, where for the present he was with
+his court, in which the beauty of the lady of Bastarnay had made a
+great noise. Bertha came to Loches, received many kind praises from
+the king, was the centre of the homage of all the young nobles, who
+feasted their eyes on this apple of love, and of the old ones, who
+warmed themselves at this sun. But you may be sure that all of them,
+old and young, would have suffered death a thousand times over to have
+at their service this instrument of joy, which dazzled their eyes and
+muddled their brains. Bertha was more talked about in Loches then
+either God or the Gospels, which enraged a great many ladies who were
+not so bountifully endowed with charms, and would have given all that
+was left of their honour to have sent back to her castle this fair
+gatherer of smiles.
+
+A young lady having early perceived that one of her lovers was smitten
+with Bertha, took such a hatred to her that from it arose all the
+misfortunes of the lady of Bastarnay; but also from the same source
+came her happiness, and her discovery of the gentle land of love, of
+which she was ignorant. This wicked lady had a relation who had
+confessed to her, directly he saw Bertha, that to be her lover he
+would be willing to die after a month’s happiness with her. Bear in
+mind that this cousin was as handsome as a girl is beautiful, had no
+hair on his chin, would have gained his enemy’s forgiveness by asking
+for it, so melodious was his young voice, and was scarcely twenty
+years of age.
+
+“Dear cousin,” said she to him, “leave the room, and go to your house;
+I will endeavour to give you this joy. But do not let yourself be seen
+by her, nor by that old baboon-face by an error of nature on a
+Christian’s body, and to whom belongs this beauteous fay.”
+
+The young gentleman out of the way, the lady came rubbing her
+treacherous nose against Bertha’s, and called her “My friend, my
+treasure, my star of beauty”; trying every way to be agreeable to her,
+to make her vengeance more certain on the poor child who, all
+unwittingly, had caused her lover’s heart to be faithless, which, for
+women ambitious in love, is the worst of infidelities. After a little
+conversation, the plotting lady suspected that poor Bertha was a
+maiden in matters of love, when she saw her eyes full of limpid water,
+no marks on the temples, no little black speck on the point of her
+little nose, white as snow, where usually the marks of the amusement
+are visible, no wrinkle on her brow; in short, no habit of pleasure
+apparent on her face--clear as the face of an innocent maiden. Then
+this traitress put certain women’s questions to her, and was perfectly
+assured by the replies of Bertha, that if she had had the profit of
+being a mother, the pleasures of love had been denied to her. At this
+she rejoiced greatly on her cousin’s behalf--like the good woman she
+was.
+
+Then she told her, that in the town of Loches there lived a young and
+noble lady, of the family of a Rohan, who at that time had need of the
+assistance of a lady of position to be reconciled with the Sire Louis
+de Rohan; that if she had as much goodness as God had given her
+beauty, she would take her with her to the castle, ascertain for
+herself the sanctity of her life, and bring about a reconciliation
+with the Sire de Rohan, who refused to receive her. To this Bertha
+consented without hesitation, because the misfortunes of this girl
+were known to her, but not the poor young lady herself, whose name was
+Sylvia, and whom she had believed to be in a foreign land.
+
+It is here necessary to state why the king had given this invitation
+to the Sire de Bastarnay. He had a suspicion of the first flight of
+his son the Dauphin into Burgundy, and wished to deprive him of so
+good a counsellor as was the said Bastarnay. But the veteran, faithful
+to young Louis, had already, without saying a word, made up his mind.
+Therefore he took Bertha back to his castle; but before they set out
+she told him she had taken a companion and introduced her to him. It
+was the young lord, disguised as a girl, with the assistance of his
+cousin, who was jealous of Bertha, and annoyed at her virtue. Imbert
+drew back a little when he learned that it was Sylvia de Rohan, but
+was also much affected at the kindness of Bertha, whom he thanked for
+her attempt to bring a little wandering lamb back to the fold. He made
+much of his wife, when his last night at home came, left men-at-arms
+about his castle, and then set out with the Dauphin for Burgundy,
+having a cruel enemy in his bosom without suspecting it. The face of
+the young lad was unknown to him, because he was a young page come to
+see the king’s court, and who had been brought up by the Cardinal
+Dunois, in whose service he was a knight-bachelor.
+
+The old lord, believing that he was a girl, thought him very modest
+and timid, because the lad, doubting the language of his eyes, kept
+them always cast down; and when Bertha kissed him on the mouth, he
+trembled lest his petticoat might be indiscreet, and would walk away
+to the window, so fearful was he of being recognised as a man by
+Bastarnay, and killed before he had made love to the lady.
+
+Therefore he was as joyful as any lover would have been in his place,
+when the portcullis was lowered, and the old lord galloped away across
+the country. He had been in such suspense that he made a vow to build
+a pillar at his own expense in the cathedral at Tours, because he had
+escaped the danger of his mad scheme. He gave, indeed, fifty gold
+marks to pay God for his delight. But by chance he had to pay for it
+over again to the devil, as it appears from the following facts if the
+tale pleases you well enough to induce you to follow the narrative,
+which will be succinct, as all good speeches should be.
+
+
+II
+HOW BERTHA BEHAVED, KNOWING THE BUSINESS OF LOVE
+
+This bachelor was the young Sire Jehan de Sacchez, cousin of the Sieur
+de Montmorency, to whom, by the death of the said Jehan, the fiefs of
+Sacchez and other places would return, according to the deed of
+tenure. He was twenty years of age and glowed like a burning coal;
+therefore you may be sure that he had a hard job to get through the
+first day. While old Imbert was galloping across the fields, the two
+cousins perched themselves under the lantern of the portcullis, in
+order to keep him the longer in view, and waved him signals of
+farewells. When the clouds of dust raised by the heels of the horses
+were no longer visible upon the horizon, they came down and went into
+the great room of the castle.
+
+“What shall we do, dear cousin?” said Bertha to the false Sylvia. “Do
+you like music? We will play together. Let us sing the lay of some
+sweet ancient bard. Eh? What do you say? Come to my organ; come along.
+As you love me, sing!”
+
+Then she took Jehan by the hand and led him to the keyboard of the
+organ, at which the young fellow seated himself prettily, after the
+manner of women. “Ah! sweet coz,” cried Bertha, as soon as the first
+notes tried, the lad turned his head towards her, in order that they
+might sing together. “Ah! sweet coz you have a wonderful glance in
+your eye; you move I know not what in my heart.”
+
+“Ah! cousin,” replied the false Sylvia, “that it is which has been my
+ruin. A sweet milord of the land across the sea told me so often that
+I had fine eyes, and kissed them so well, that I yielded, so much
+pleasure did I feel in letting them be kissed.”
+
+“Cousin, does love then, commence in the eyes?”
+
+“In them is the forge of Cupid’s bolts, my dear Bertha,” said the
+lover, casting fire and flame at her.
+
+“Let us go on with our singing.”
+
+They then sang, by Jehan’s desire, a lay of Christine de Pisan, every
+word of which breathed love.
+
+“Ah! cousin, what a deep and powerful voice you have. It seems to
+pierce me.”
+
+“Where?” said the impudent Sylvia.
+
+“There,” replied Bertha, touching her little diaphragm, where the
+sounds of love are understood better than by the ears, but the
+diaphragm lies nearer the heart, and that which is undoubtedly the
+first brain, the second heart, and the third ear of the ladies. I say
+this, with all respect and with all honour, for physical reasons and
+for no others.
+
+“Let us leave off singing,” said Bertha; “it has too great an effect
+upon me. Come to the window; we can do needlework until the evening.”
+
+“Ah! dear cousin of my soul, I don’t know how to hold the needle in my
+fingers, having been accustomed, to my perdition to do something else
+with them.”
+
+“Eh! what did you do then all day long?”
+
+“Ah! I yielded to the current of love, which makes days seem Instants,
+months seem days, and years months; and if it could last, would gulp
+down eternity like a strawberry, seeing that it is all youth and
+fragrance, sweetness and endless joy.”
+
+Then the youth dropped his beautiful eyelids over his eyes, and
+remained as melancholy as a poor lady who has been abandoned by her
+lover, who weeps for him, wishes to kiss him, and would pardon his
+perfidy, if he would but seek once again the sweet path to his
+once-loved fold.
+
+“Cousin, does love blossom in the married state?”
+
+“Oh no,” said Sylvia; “because in the married state everything is
+duty, but in love everything is done in perfect freedom of heart. This
+difference communicates an indescribable soft balm to those caresses
+which are the flowers of love.”
+
+“Cousin, let us change the conversation; it affects me more than did
+the music.”
+
+She called hastily to a servant to bring her boy to her, who came, and
+when Sylvia saw him, she exclaimed--
+
+“Ah! the little dear, he is as beautiful as love.”
+
+Then she kissed him heartily upon the forehead.
+
+“Come, my little one,” said the mother, as the child clambered into
+her lap. “Thou art thy mother’s blessing, her unclouded joy, the
+delight of her every hour, her crown, her jewel, her own pure pearl,
+her spotless soul, her treasure, her morning and evening star, her
+only flame, and her heart’s darling. Give me thy hands, that I may eat
+them; give me thine ears, that I may bite them; give me thy head, that
+I may kiss thy curls. Be happy sweet flower of my body, that I may be
+happy too.”
+
+“Ah! cousin,” said Sylvia, “you are speaking the language of love to
+him.”
+
+“Love is a child then?”
+
+“Yes, cousin; therefore the heathen always portrayed him as a little
+boy.”
+
+And with many other remarks fertile in the imagery of love, the two
+pretty cousins amused themselves until supper time, playing with the
+child.
+
+“Would you like to have another?” whispered Jehan, at an opportune
+moment, into his cousin’s ear, which he touched with his warm lips.
+
+“Ah! Sylvia! for that I would ensure a hundred years of purgatory, if
+it would only please God to give me that joy. But in spite of the
+work, labour, and industry of my spouse, which causes me much pain, my
+waist does not vary in size. Alas! It is nothing to have but one
+child. If I hear the sound of a cry in the castle, my heart beats
+ready to burst. I fear man and beast alike for this innocent darling;
+I dread volts, passes, and manual exercises; in fact, I dread
+everything. I live not in myself, but in him alone. And, alas! I like
+to endure these miseries, because when I fidget, and tremble, it is a
+sign that my offspring is safe and sound. To be brief--for I am never
+weary of talking on this subject--I believe that my breath is in him,
+and not in myself.”
+
+With these words she hugged him to her breasts, as only mothers know
+how to hug children, with a spiritual force that is felt only in their
+hearts. If you doubt this, watch a cat carrying her kittens in her
+mouth, not one of them gives a single mew. The youthful gallant, who
+had certain fears about watering this fair, unfertile plain, was
+reassured by this speech. He thought then that it would only be
+following the commandments of God to win this saint to love; and he
+thought right. At night Bertha asked her cousin--according to the old
+custom, to which the ladies of our day object--to keep her company in
+her big seigneurial bed. To which request Sylvia replied--in order to
+keep up the role of a well-born maiden--that nothing would give her
+greater pleasure. The curfew rang, and found the two cousins in a
+chamber richly ornamented with carpeting, fringes, and royal
+tapestries, and Bertha began gracefully to disarray herself, assisted
+by her women. You can imagine that her companion modestly declined
+their services, and told her cousin, with a little blush, that she was
+accustomed to undress herself ever since she had lost the services of
+her dearly beloved, who had put her out of conceit with feminine
+fingers by his gentle ways; that these preparations brought back the
+pretty speeches he used to make, and his merry pranks while playing
+the lady’s-maid; and that to her injury, the memory of all these
+things brought the water into her mouth.
+
+This discourse considerably astonished the lady Bertha, who let her
+cousin say her prayers, and make other preparations for the night
+beneath the curtains of the bed, into which my lord, inflamed with
+desire, soon tumbled, happy at being able to catch an occasional
+glimpse of the wondrous charms of the chatelaine, which were in no way
+injured. Bertha, believing herself to be with an experienced girl, did
+not omit any of the usual practices; she washed her feet, not minding
+whether she raised them little or much, exposed her delicate little
+shoulders, and did as all the ladies do when they are retiring to
+rest. At last she came to bed, and settled herself comfortably in it,
+kissing her cousin on the lips, which she found remarkably warm.
+
+“Are you unwell, Sylvia, that you burn so?” said she.
+
+“I always burn like that when I go to bed,” replied her companion,
+“because at that time there comes back to my memory the pretty little
+tricks that he invented to please me, and which make me burn still
+more.”
+
+“Ah! cousin, tell me all about this he. Tell all the sweets of love to
+me, who live beneath the shadow of a hoary head, of which the snows
+keep me from such warm feelings. Tell me all; you are cured. It will
+be a good warning to me, and then your misfortunes will have been a
+salutary lesson to two poor weak women.”
+
+“I do not know I ought to obey you, sweet cousin,” said the youth.
+
+“Tell me, why not?”
+
+“Ah! deeds are better than words,” said the false maiden, heaving a
+deep sigh as the _ut_ of an organ. “But I am afraid that this milord
+has encumbered me with so much joy that you may get a little of it,
+which would be enough to give you a daughter, since the power of
+engendering is weakened in me.”
+
+“But,” said Bertha, “between us, would it be a sin?”
+
+“It would be, on the contrary, a joy both here and in heaven; the
+angels would shed their fragrance around you, and make sweet music in
+your ears.”
+
+“Tell me quickly, then,” said Bertha.
+
+“Well, then, this is how my dear lord made my heart rejoice.”
+
+With these words Jehan took Bertha in his arms, and strained her
+hungering to his heart, for in the soft light of the lamp, and clothed
+with the spotless linen, she was in this tempting bed, like the pretty
+petals of a lily at the bottom of the virgin calyx.
+
+“When he held me as I hold thee he said to me, with a voice far
+sweeter than mine, ‘Ah, Bertha, thou art my eternal love, my priceless
+treasure, my joy by day and my joy by night; thou art fairer than the
+day is day; there is naught so pretty as thou art. I love thee more
+than God, and would endure a thousand deaths for the happiness I ask
+of thee!’ Then he would kiss me, not after the manner of husbands,
+which is rough, but in a peculiar dove-like fashion.”
+
+To show her there and then how much better was the method of lovers,
+he sucked all the honey from Bertha’s lips, and taught her how, with
+her pretty tongue, small and rosy as that of a cat, she could speak to
+the heart without saying a single word, and becoming exhausted at this
+game, Jehan spread the fire of his kisses from the mouth to the neck,
+from the neck to the sweetest forms that ever a woman gave a child to
+slake its thirst upon. And whoever had been in his place would have
+thought himself a wicked man not to imitate him.
+
+“Ah!” said Bertha, fast bound in love without knowing it; “this is
+better. I must take care to tell Imbert about it.”
+
+“Are you in your proper senses, cousin? Say nothing about it to your
+old husband. How could he make his hands pleasant like mine? They are
+as hard as washerwoman’s beetles, and his piebald beard would hardly
+please this centre of bliss, that rose in which lies our wealth, our
+substance, our loves, and our fortune. Do you know that it is a living
+flower, which should be fondled thus, and not used like a trombone, or
+as if it were a catapult of war? Now this was the gentle way of my
+beloved Englishman.”
+
+Thus saying, the handsome youth comported himself so bravely in the
+battle that victory crowned his efforts, and poor innocent Bertha
+exclaimed--
+
+“Ah! cousin, the angels are come! but so beautiful is the music, that
+I hear nothing else, and so flaming are their luminous rays, that my
+eyes are closing.”
+
+And, indeed, she fainted under the burden of those joys of love which
+burst forth in her like the highest notes of the organ, which
+glistened like the most magnificent aurora, which flowed in her veins
+like the finest musk, and loosened the liens of her life in giving her
+a child of love, who made a great deal of confusion in taking up his
+quarters. Finally, Bertha imagined herself to be in Paradise, so happy
+did she feel; and woke from this beautiful dream in the arms of Jehan,
+exclaiming--
+
+“Ah! who would not have been married in England!”
+
+“My sweet mistress,” said Jehan, whose ecstasy was sooner over, “you
+are married to me in France, where things are managed still better,
+for I am a man who would give a thousand lives for you if he had
+them.”
+
+Poor Bertha gave a shriek so sharp that it pierced the walls, and
+leapt out of bed like a mountebank of the plains of Egypt would have
+done. She fell upon her knees before her _Prie-Dieu_, joined her
+hands, and wept more pearls than ever Mary Magdalene wore.
+
+“Ah! I am dead” she cried; “I am deceived by a devil who has taken the
+face of an angel. I am lost; I am the mother for certain of a
+beautiful child, without being more guilty than you, Madame the
+Virgin. Implore the pardon of God for me, if I have not that of men
+upon earth; or let me die, so that I may not blush before my lord and
+master.”
+
+Hearing that she said nothing against him, Jehan rose, quite aghast to
+see Bertha take this charming dance for two so to heart. But the
+moment she heard her Gabriel moving she sprang quickly to her feet,
+regarded him with a tearful face, and her eye illumined with a holy
+anger, which made her more lovely to look upon, exclaimed--
+
+“If you advance a single step towards me, I will make one towards
+death!”
+
+And she took her stiletto in her hand.
+
+So heartrending was the tragic spectacle of her grief that Jehan
+answered her--
+
+“It is not for thee but for me to die, my dear, beautiful mistress,
+more dearly loved than will ever woman be again upon this earth.”
+
+“If you had truly loved me you would not have killed me as you have,
+for I will die sooner than be reproached by my husband.”
+
+“Will you die?” said he.
+
+“Assuredly,” said she.
+
+“Now, if I am here pierced with a thousand blows, you will have your
+husband’s pardon, to whom you will say that if your innocence was
+surprised, you have avenged his honour by killing the man who had
+deceived you; and it will be the greatest happiness that could ever
+befall me to die for you, the moment you refuse to live for me.”
+
+Hearing this tender discourse spoken with tears, Bertha dropped the
+dagger; Jehan sprang upon it, and thrust it into his breast, saying--
+
+“Such happiness can be paid for but with death.”
+
+And fell stiff and stark.
+
+Bertha, terrified, called aloud for her maid. The servant came, and
+terribly alarmed to see a wounded man in Madame’s chamber, and Madame
+holding him up, crying and saying, “What have you done, my love?”
+ because she believed he was dead, and remembered her vanished joys,
+and thought how beautiful Jehan must be, since everyone, even Imbert,
+believed him to be a girl. In her sorrow she confessed all to her
+maid, sobbing and crying out, “that it was quite enough to have upon
+her mind the life of a child without having the death of a man as
+well.” Hearing this the poor lover tried to open his eyes, and only
+succeeded in showing a little bit of the white of them.
+
+“Ha! Madame, don’t cry out,” said the servant, “let us keep our senses
+together and save this pretty knight. I will go and seek La Fallotte,
+in order not to let any physician or surgeon into the secret, and as
+she is a sorceress she will, to please Madame, perform the miracle of
+healing this wound so not a trace of it shall remain.
+
+“Run!” replied Bertha. “I will love you, and will pay you well for
+this assistance.”
+
+But before anything else was done the lady and her maid agreed to be
+silent about this adventure, and hide Jehan from every eye. Then the
+servant went out into the night to seek La Fallotte, and was
+accompanied by her mistress as far as the postern, because the guard
+could not raise the portcullis without Bertha’s special order. Bertha
+found on going back that her lover had fainted, for the blood was
+flowing from the wound. At the sight she drank a little of his blood,
+thinking that Jehan had shed it for her. Affected by this great love
+and by the danger, she kissed this pretty varlet of pleasure on the
+face, bound up his wound, bathing it with her tears, beseeching him
+not to die, and exclaiming that if he would live she would love him
+with all her heart. You can imagine that the chatelaine became still
+more enamoured while observing what a difference there was between a
+young knight like Jehan, white, downy, and agreeable, and an old
+fellow like Imbert, bristly, yellow, and wrinkled. This difference
+brought back to her memory that which she had found in the pleasure of
+love. Moved by this souvenir, her kisses became so warm that Jehan
+came back to his senses, his look improved, and he could see Bertha,
+from whom in a feeble voice he asked forgiveness. But Bertha forbade
+him to speak until La Fallotte had arrived. Then both of them consumed
+the time by loving each other with their eyes, since in those of
+Bertha there was nothing but compassion, and on these occasions pity
+is akin to love.
+
+La Fallotte was a hunchback, vehemently suspected of dealings in
+necromancy, and of riding to nocturnal orgies on a broomstick,
+according to the custom of witches. Certain persons had seen her
+putting the harness on her broom in the stable, which, as everyone
+knows is on the housetops. To tell the truth, she possessed certain
+medical secrets, and was of such great service to ladies in certain
+things, and to the nobles, that she lived in perfect tranquillity,
+without giving up the ghost on a pile of fagots, but on a feather bed,
+for she had made a hatful of money, although the physicians tormented
+her by declaring that she sold poisons, which was certainly true, as
+will be shown in the sequel. The servant and La Fallotte came on the
+same ass, making such haste that they arrived at the castle before the
+day had fully dawned.
+
+The old hunchback exclaimed, as she entered the chamber, “Now then, my
+children, what is the matter?”
+
+This was her manner, which was familiar with great people, who
+appeared very small to her. She put on her spectacles, and carefully
+examined the wound, saying--
+
+“This is fine blood, my dear; you have tasted it. That’s all right, he
+has bled externally.”
+
+Then she washed the wound with a fine sponge, under the nose of the
+lady and the servant, who held their breath. To be brief, Fallotte
+gave it as her medical opinion, that the youth would not die from this
+blow, “although,” said she, looking at his hand, “he will come to a
+violent end through this night’s deed.”
+
+This decree of chiromancy frightened considerably both Bertha and the
+maid. Fallotte prescribed certain remedies, and promised to come again
+the following night. Indeed, she tended the wound for a whole
+fortnight, coming secretly at night-time. The people about the castle
+were told by the servants that their young lady, Sylvia de Rohan, was
+in danger of death, through a swelling of the stomach, which must
+remain a mystery for the honour of Madame, who was her cousin. Each
+one was satisfied with this story, of which his mouth was so full that
+he told it to his fellows.
+
+The good people believe that it was the malady which was fraught with
+danger; but it was not! it was the convalescence, for the stronger
+Jehan grew, the weaker Bertha became, and so weak that she allowed
+herself to drift into that Paradise the gates of which Jehan had
+opened for her. To be brief, she loved him more and more. But in the
+midst of her happiness, always mingled with apprehension at the
+menacing words of Fallotte, and tormented by her great religion, she
+was in great fear of her husband, Imbert, to whom she was compelled to
+write that he had given her a child, who would be ready to delight him
+on his return. Poor Bertha avoided her lover, Jehan, during the day on
+which she wrote the lying letter, over which she soaked her
+handkerchief with tears. Finding himself avoided (for they had
+previously left each other no more than fire leaves the wood it has
+bitten) Jehan believed that she was beginning to hate him, and
+straightway he cried too. In the evening Bertha, touched by his tears,
+which had left their mark upon his eyes, although he had well dried
+them, told him the cause of her sorrow, mingling therewith her
+confessions of her terrors for the future, pointing out to him how
+much they were both to blame, and discoursing so beautifully to him,
+gave utterance to such Christian sentences, ornamented with holy tears
+and contrite prayers, that Jehan was touched to the quick by the
+sincerity of his mistress. This love innocently united to repentance,
+this nobility in sin, this mixture of weakness and strength, would, as
+the old authors say, have changed the nature of a tiger, melting it to
+pity. You will not be astonished then, that Jehan was compelled to
+pledge his word as a knight-bachelor, to obey her in what ever she
+should command him, to save her in this world and in the next.
+Delighted at this confidence in her, and this goodness of heart,
+Bertha cast herself at Jehan’s feet, and kissing them, exclaimed--
+
+“Oh! my love, whom I am compelled to love, although it is a mortal sin
+to do so, thou who art so good, so gentle to thy poor Bertha, if thou
+wouldst have her always think of thee with pleasure, and stop the
+torrent of her tears, whose source is so pretty and so pleasant (here,
+to show him that it was so, she let him steal a kiss)--Jehan, if thou
+wouldst that the memory of our celestial joys, angel music, and the
+fragrance of love should be a consolation to me in my loneliness
+rather than a torment, do that which the Virgin commanded me to order
+thee in a dream, in which I was beseeching her to direct me in the
+present case, for I had asked her to come to me, and she had come.
+Then I told her the horrible anguish I should endure, trembling for
+this little one, whose movements I already feel, and for the real
+father, who would be at the mercy of the other, and might expiate his
+paternity by a violent death, since it is possible that La Fallotte
+saw clearly into his future life. Then the beautiful Virgin told me,
+smiling, that the Church offered its forgiveness for our faults if we
+followed her commandments; that it was necessary to save one’s self
+from the pains of hell, by reforming before Heaven became angry. Then
+with her finger she showed me a Jehan like thee, but dressed as thou
+shouldst be, and as thou wilt be, if thou does but love thy Bertha
+with a love eternal.”
+
+Jehan assured her of his perfect obedience, and raised her, seating
+her on his knee, and kissing her. The unhappy Bertha told him then
+that this garment was a monk’s frock, and trembling besought him
+--almost fearing a refusal--to enter the Church, and retire to
+Marmoustier, beyond Tours, pledging him her word that she would grant
+him a last night, after which she would be neither for him nor for
+anyone else in the world again. And each year, as a reward for this,
+she would let him come to her one day, in order that he might see the
+child. Jehan, bound by his oath, promised to obey his mistress, saying
+that by this means he would be faithful to her, and would experience
+no joys of love but those tasted in her divine embrace, and would live
+upon the dear remembrance of them. Hearing these sweet words, Bertha
+declared to him that, however great might have been her sin, and
+whatever God reserved for her, this happiness would enable her to
+support it, since she believed she had not fallen through a man, but
+through an angel.
+
+Then they returned to the nest which contained their love but only to
+bid a final adieu to all their lovely flowers. There can be but little
+doubt that Seigneur Cupid had something to do with this festival, for
+no woman ever experienced such joy in any part of the world before,
+and no man ever took as much. The especial property of true love is a
+certain harmony, which brings it about that the more one gives, the
+more the other receives, and vice-versa, as in certain cases in
+mathematics, where things are multiplied by themselves without end.
+This problem can only be explained to unscientific people, by asking
+them to look into their Venetian glasses, in which are to be seen
+thousands of faces produced by one alone. Thus, in the heart of two
+lovers, the roses of pleasure multiply within them in a manner which
+causes them to be astonished that so much joy can be contained,
+without anything bursting. Bertha and Jehan would have wished in this
+night to have finished their days, and thought, from the excessive
+languor which flowed in their veins, that love had resolved to bear
+them away on his wings with the kiss of death; but they held out in
+spite of these numerous multiplications.
+
+On the morrow, as the return of Monsieur Imbert de Bastarnay was close
+at hand, the lady Sylvia was compelled to depart. The poor girl left
+her cousin, covering her with tears and with kisses; it was always her
+last, but the last lasted till evening. Then he was compelled to leave
+her, and he did leave her although the blood of his heart congealed,
+like the fallen wax of a Paschal candle. According to his promise, he
+wended his way towards Marmoustier, which he entered towards the
+eleventh hour of the day, and was placed among the novices.
+Monseigneur de Bastarnay was informed that Sylvia had returned to the
+Lord which is the signification of le Seigneur in the English
+language; and therefore in this Bertha did not lie.
+
+The joy of her husband, when he saw Bertha without her waistband--she
+could not wear it, so much had she increased in size--commenced the
+martyrdom of this poor woman, who did not know how to deceive, and
+who, at each false word, went to her Prie-Dieu, wept her blood away
+from her eyes in tears, burst into prayers, and recommended herself to
+the graces of Messieurs the Saints in paradise. It happened that she
+cried so loudly to God that He heard her, because He hears everything;
+He hears the stones that roll beneath the waters, the poor who groan,
+and the flies who wing their way through the air. It is well that you
+should know this, otherwise you would not believe in what happened.
+God commanded the archangel Michael to make for this penitent a hell
+upon earth, so that she might enter without dispute into Paradise.
+Then St. Michael descended from the skies as far as the gate of hell,
+and handed over this triple soul to the devil, telling him that he had
+permission to torment it during the rest of her days, at the same time
+indicating to him Bertha, Jehan and the child.
+
+The devil, who by the will of God, is lord of all evil, told the
+archangel that he would obey the message. During this heavenly
+arrangement life went on as usual here below. The sweet lady of
+Bastarnay gave the most beautiful child in the world to the Sire
+Imbert, a boy all lilies and roses, of great intelligence, like a
+little Jesus, merry and arch as a pagan love. He became more beautiful
+day by day, while the elder was turning into an ape, like his father,
+whom he painfully resembled. The younger boy was as bright as a star,
+and resembled his father and mother, whose corporeal and spiritual
+perfections had produced a compound of illustrious graces and
+marvellous intelligence. Seeing this perpetual miracle of body and
+mind blended with the essential conditions, Bastarnay declared that
+for his eternal salvation he would like to make the younger the elder,
+and that he would do with the king’s protection. Bertha did not know
+what to do, for she adored the child of Jehan, and could only feel a
+feeble affection for the other, whom, nevertheless she protected
+against the evil intentions of the old fellow, Bastarnay.
+
+Bertha, satisfied with the way things were going, quieted her
+conscience with falsehood, and thought that all danger was past, since
+twelve years had elapsed with no other alloy than the doubt which at
+times embittered her joy. Each year, according to her pledged faith,
+the monk of Marmoustier, who was unknown to everyone except the
+servant-maid, came to pass a whole day at the chateau to see his
+child, although Bertha had many times besought brother Jehan to yield
+his right. But Jehan pointed to the child, saying, “You see him every
+day of the year, and I only once!” And the poor mother could find no
+word to answer this speech with.
+
+A few months before the last rebellion of the Dauphin Louis against
+his father, the boy was treading closely on the heels of his twelfth
+year, and appeared likely to become a great savant, so learned was he
+in all the sciences. Old Bastarnay had never been more delighted at
+having been a father in his life, and resolved to take his son with
+him to the Court of Burgundy, where Duke Charles promised to make for
+this well-beloved son a position, which should be the envy of princes,
+for he was not at all averse to clever people. Seeing matters thus
+arranged, the devil judged the time to be ripe for his mischiefs. He
+took his tail and flapped it right into the middle of this happiness,
+so that he could stir it up in his own peculiar way.
+
+
+III
+HORRIBLE CHASTISEMENT OF BERTHA AND EXPIATION OF THE SAME,
+WHO DIED PARDONED
+
+The servant of the lady of Bastarnay, who was then about
+five-and-thirty years old, fell in love with one of the master’s
+men-at-arms, and was silly enough to let him take loaves out of the
+oven, until there resulted therefrom a natural swelling, which certain
+wags in these parts call a nine months’ dropsy. The poor woman begged
+her mistress to intercede for her with the master, so that he might
+compel this wicked man to finish at the altar that which he had
+commenced elsewhere. Madame de Bastarnay had no difficulty in obtaining
+this favour from him, and the servant was quite satisfied. But the old
+warrior, who was always extremely rough, hastened into his pretorium,
+and blew him up sky-high, ordering him, under the pain of the gallows,
+to marry the girl; which the soldier preferred to do, thinking more of
+his neck than of his peace of mind.
+
+Bastarnay sent also for the female, to whom he imagined, for the
+honour of his house, he ought to sing a litany, mixed with epithets
+and ornamented with extremely strong expressions, and made her think,
+by way of punishment, that she was not going to be married, but flung
+into one of the cells in the jail. The girl fancied that Madame wanted
+to get rid of her, in order to inter the secret of the birth of her
+beloved son. With this impression, when the old ape said such
+outrageous things to her--namely, that he must have been a fool to
+keep a harlot in his house--she replied that he certainly was a very
+big fool, seeing that for a long time past his wife had been played
+the harlot, and with a monk too, which was the worst thing that could
+happen to a warrior.
+
+Think of the greatest storm you ever saw it in your life, and you will
+have a weak sketch of the furious rage into which the old man fell,
+when thus assailed in a portion of his heart which was a triple life.
+He seized the girl by the throat, and would have killed her there and
+then, but she, to prove her story, detailed the how, the why, and the
+when, and said that if he had no faith in her, he could have the
+evidence of his own ears by hiding himself the day that Father Jehan
+de Sacchez, the prior of Marmoustier, came. He would then hear the
+words of the father, who solaced herself for his year’s fast, and in
+one day kissed his son for the rest of the year.
+
+Imbert ordered this woman instantly to leave the castle, since, if her
+accusation were true, he would kill her just as though she had
+invented a tissue of lies. In an instant he had given her a hundred
+crowns, besides her man, enjoining them not to sleep in Touraine; and
+for greater security, they were conducted into Burgundy, by de
+Bastarnay’s officers. He informed his wife of their departure, saying,
+that as her servant was a damaged article he had thought it best to
+get rid of her, but had given her a hundred crowns, and found
+employment for the man at the Court of Burgundy. Bertha was astonished
+to learn that her maid had left the castle without receiving her
+dismissal from herself, her mistress; but she said nothing. Soon
+afterwards she had other fish to fry, for she became a prey to vague
+apprehensions, because her husband completely changed in his manner,
+commenced to notice the likeness of his first-born to himself, and
+could find nothing resembling his nose, or his forehead, his this, or
+his that, in the youngest he loved so well.
+
+“He is my very image,” replied Bertha one day that he was throwing out
+these hints. “Know you not that in well regulated households, children
+are formed from the father and mother, each in turn, or often from
+both together, because the mother mingles her qualities with the vital
+force of the father? Some physicians declare that they have known many
+children born without any resemblance to either father or mother, and
+attribute these mysteries to the whim of the Almighty.”
+
+“You have become very learned, my dear,” replied Bastarnay; “but I,
+who am an ignoramus, I should fancy that a child who resembles a
+monk--”
+
+“Had a monk for a father!” said Bertha, looking at him with an
+unflinching gaze, although ice rather than blood was coursing through
+her veins.
+
+The old fellow thought he was mistaken, and cursed the servant; but he
+was none the less determined to make sure of the affair. As the day of
+Father Jehan’s visit was close at hand, Bertha, whose suspicions were
+aroused by this speech, wrote him that it was her wish that he should
+not come this year, without, however, telling him her reason; then she
+went in search of La Fallotte at Loches, who was to give her letter to
+Jehan, and believed everything was safe for the present. She was all
+the more pleased at having written to her friend the prior, when
+Imbert, who, towards the time appointed for the poor monk’s annual
+treat, had always been accustomed to take a journey into the province
+of Maine, where he had considerable property, remained this time at
+home, giving as his reason the preparations for rebellion which
+monseigneur Louis was then making against his father, who as everyone
+knows, was so cut up at this revolt that it caused his death. This
+reason was so good a one, that poor Bertha was quite satisfied with
+it, and did not trouble herself. On the regular day, however, the
+prior arrived as usual. Bertha seeing him, turned pale, and asked him
+if he had not received her message.
+
+“What message?” said Jehan.
+
+“Ah! we are lost then; the child, thou, and I,” replied Bertha.
+
+“Why so?” said the prior.
+
+“I know not,” said she; “but our last day has come.”
+
+She inquired of her dearly beloved son where Bastarnay was. The young
+man told her that his father had been sent for by a special messenger
+to Loches, and would not be back until evening. Thereupon Jehan
+wished, is spite of his mistress, to remain with her and his dear son,
+asserting that no harm would come of it, after the lapse of twelve
+years, since the birth of their boy.
+
+The days when that adventurous night you know of was celebrated,
+Bertha stayed in her room with the poor monk until supper time. But on
+this occasion the lovers--hastened by the apprehensions of Bertha,
+which was shared by Jehan directly she had informed him of them--dined
+immediately, although the prior of Marmoustier reassured Bertha by
+pointing out to her the privileges of the Church, and how Bastarnay,
+already in bad odour at court, would be afraid to attack a dignitary
+of Marmoustier. When they were sitting down to table their little one
+happened to be playing, and in spite of the reiterated prayers of his
+mother, would not stop his games, since he was galloping about the
+courtyard on a fine Spanish barb, which Duke Charles of Burgundy had
+presented to Bastarnay. And because young lads like to show off,
+varlets make themselves bachelors at arms, and bachelors wish to play
+the knight, this boy was delighted at being able to show the monk what
+a man he was becoming; he made the horse jump like a flea in the
+bedclothes, and sat as steady as a trooper in the saddle.
+
+“Let him have his way, my darling,” said the monk to Bertha.
+“Disobedient children often become great characters.”
+
+Bertha ate sparingly, for her heart was as swollen as a sponge in
+water. At the first mouthful, the monk, who was a great scholar, felt
+in his stomach a pain, and on his palette a bitter taste of poison
+that caused him to suspect that the Sire de Bastarnay had given them
+all their quietus. Before he had made this discovery Bertha had eaten.
+Suddenly the monk pulled off the tablecloth and flung everything into
+the fireplace, telling Bertha his suspicion. Bertha thanked the Virgin
+that her son had been so taken up with his sport. Retaining his
+presence of mind, Jehan, who had not forgotten the lesson he had
+learned as a page, leaped into the courtyard, lifted his son from the
+horse, sprang across it himself, and flew across the country with such
+speed that you would have thought him a shooting-star if you had seen
+him digging the spurs into the horse’s bleeding flanks, and he was at
+Loches in Fallotte’s house in the same space of time that only the
+devil could have done the journey. He stated the case to her in two
+words, for the poison was already frying his marrow, and requested her
+to give him an antidote.
+
+“Alas,” said the sorceress, “had I known that it was for you I was
+giving this poison, I would have received in my breast the dagger’s
+point, with which I was threatened, and would have sacrificed my poor
+life to save that of a man of God, and of the sweetest woman that ever
+blossomed on this earth; for alas! my dear friend, I have only two
+drops of the counter-poison that you see in this phial.”
+
+“Is there enough for her?”
+
+“Yes, but go at once,” said the old hag.
+
+The monk came back more quickly that he went, so that the horse died
+under him in the courtyard. He rushed into the room where Bertha,
+believing her last hour to be come, was kissing her son, and writhing
+like a lizard in the fire, uttering no cry for herself, but for the
+child, left to the wrath of Bastarnay, forgetting her own agony at the
+thought of his cruel future.
+
+“Take this,” said the monk; “my life is saved!”
+
+Jehan had the great courage to say these words with an unmoved face,
+although he felt the claws of death seizing his heart. Hardly had
+Bertha drunk when the prior fell dead, not, however, without kissing
+his son, and regarding his dear lady with an eye that changed not even
+after his last sigh. This sight turned her as cold as marble, and
+terrified her so much that she remained rigid before this dead man,
+stretched at her feet, pressing the hand of her child, who wept,
+although her own eye was as dry as the Red Sea when the Hebrews
+crossed it under the leadership of Baron Moses, for it seemed to her
+that she had sharp sand rolling under her eyelids. Pray for her, ye
+charitable souls, for never was woman so agonised, in divining that
+her lover has saved her life at the expense of his own. Aided by her
+son, she herself placed the monk in the middle of the bed, and stood
+by the side of it, praying with the boy, whom she then told that the
+prior was his true father. In this state she waited her evil hour, and
+her evil hour did not take long in coming, for towards the eleventh
+hour Bastarnay arrived, and was informed at the portcullis that the
+monk was dead, and not Madame and the child, and he saw his beautiful
+Spanish horse lying dead. Thereupon, seized with a furious desire to
+slay Bertha and the monk’s bastard, he sprang up the stairs with one
+bound; but at the sight of the corpse, for whom his wife and her son
+repeated incessant litanies, having no ears for his torrent of
+invective, having no eyes for his writhings and threats, he had no
+longer the courage to perpetrate this dark deed. After the first fury
+of his rage had passed, he could not bring himself to it, and quitted
+the room like a coward and a man taken in crime, stung to the quick by
+those prayers continuously said for the monk. The night was passed in
+tears, groans, and prayers.
+
+By an express order from Madame, her servant had been to Loches to
+purchase for her the attire of a young lady of quality, and for her
+poor child a horse and the arms of an esquire; noticing which the
+Sieur de Bastarnay was much astonished. He sent for Madame and the
+monk’s son, but neither mother nor child returned any answer, but
+quietly put on the clothes purchased by the servant. By Madame’s order
+this servant made up the account of her effects, arranged her clothes,
+purples, jewels, and diamonds, as the property of a widow is arranged
+when she renounces her rights. Bertha ordered even her alms-purse be
+included, in order that the ceremony might be perfect. The report of
+these preparations ran through the house, and everyone knew then that
+the mistress was about to leave it, a circumstance that filled every
+heart with sorrow, even that of a little scullion, who had only been a
+week in the place, but to whom Madame had already given a kind word.
+
+Frightened at these preparations, old Bastarnay came into her chamber,
+and found her weeping over the body of Jehan, for the tears had come
+at last; but she dried them directly she perceived her husband. To his
+numerous questions she replied briefly by the confession of her fault,
+telling him how she had been duped, how the poor page had been
+distressed, showing him upon the corpse the mark of the poniard wound;
+how long he had been getting well; and how, in obedience to her, and
+from penitence towards God, he had entered the Church, abandoning the
+glorious career of a knight, putting an end to his name, which was
+certainly worse than death; how she, while avenging her honour, had
+thought that even God himself would not have refused the monk one day
+in the year to see the son for whom he had sacrificed everything; how,
+not wishing to live with a murderer, she was about to quit his house,
+leaving all her property behind her; because, if the honour of the
+Bastarnays was stained, it was not she who had brought the shame
+about; because in this calamity she had arranged matters as best she
+could; finally, she added a vow to go over mountain and valley, she
+and her son, until all was expiated, for she knew how to expiate all.
+
+Having with noble mien and a pale face uttered these beautiful words,
+she took her child by the hand and went out in great mourning, more
+magnificently beautiful than was Mademoiselle Hagar on her departure
+from the residence of the patriarch Abraham, and so proudly, that all
+the servants and retainers fell on their knees as she passed along,
+imploring her with joined hands, like Notre Dame de la Riche. It was
+pitiful to see the Sieur de Bastarnay following her, ashamed, weeping,
+confessing himself to blame, and downcast and despairing, like a man
+being led to the gallows, there to be turned off.
+
+And Bertha turned a deaf ear to everything. The desolation was so
+great that she found the drawbridge lowered, and hastened to quit the
+castle, fearing that it might be suddenly raised again; but no one had
+the right or the heart to do it. She sat down on the curb of the moat,
+in view of the whole castle, who begged her, with tears, to stay. The
+poor sire was standing with his hand upon the chain of the portcullis,
+as silent as the stone saints carved above the door. He saw Bertha
+order her son to shake the dust from his shoes at the end of the
+bridge, in order to have nothing belonging to Bastarnay about him; and
+she did likewise. Then, indicating the sire to her son with her
+finger, she spoke to him as follows--
+
+“Child, behold the murderer of thy father, who was, as thou art aware,
+the poor prior; but thou hast taken the name of this man. Give it him
+back here, even as thou leavest the dust taken by the shoes from his
+castle. For the food that thou hast had in the castle, by God’s help
+we will also settle.”
+
+Hearing this, Bastarnay would have let his wife receive a whole
+monastery of monks in order not to be abandoned by her, and by a young
+squire capable of becoming the honour of his house, and remained with
+his head sunk down against the chains.
+
+The heart of Bertha was suddenly filled with holy solace, for the
+banner of the great monastery turned the corner of a road across the
+fields, and appeared accompanied by the chants of the Church, which
+burst forth like heavenly music. The monks, informed of the murder
+perpetrated on their well-beloved prior, came in procession, assisted
+by the ecclesiastical justice, to claim his body. When he saw this,
+the Sire de Bastarnay had barely that time to make for the postern
+with his men, and set out towards Monseigneur Louis, leaving
+everything in confusion.
+
+Poor Bertha, en croup behind her son, came to Montbazon to bid her
+father farewell, telling him that this blow would be her death, and
+was consoled by those of her family who endeavoured to raise her
+spirits, but were unable to do so. The old Sire de Rohan presented his
+grandson with a splendid suit of armour, telling him to acquire glory
+and honour that he might turn his mother’s faults into eternal renown.
+But Madame de Bastarnay had implanted in the mind of her dear son no
+other idea than of atoning for the harm done, in order to save her and
+Jehan from eternal damnation. Both then set out for the places then in
+a state of rebellion, in order to render such service to Bastarnay
+that he would receive from them more than life itself.
+
+Now the heat of the sedition was, as everyone knows, in the
+neighbourhood of Angouleme, and of Bordeaux in Guienne, and other
+parts of the kingdom, where great battles and severe conflicts between
+the rebels and the royal armies was likely to take place. The
+principal one which finished the war was given between Ruffec and
+Angouleme, where all the prisoners taken were tried and hanged. This
+battle, commanded by old Bastarnay, took place in the month of
+November, seven months after the poisoning of Jehan. Now the Baron
+knew that his head had been strongly recommended as one to be cut off,
+he being the right hand of Monsiegneur Louis. Directly his men began
+to fall back, the old fellow found himself surrounded by six men
+determined to seize him. Then he understood that they wished to take
+him alive, in order to proceed against his house, ruin his name, and
+confiscate his property. The poor sire preferred rather to die and
+save his family, and present the domains to his son. He defended
+himself like the brave old lion that he was. In spite of their number,
+these said soldiers, seeing three of their comrades fall, were obliged
+to attack Bastarnay at the risk of killing him, and threw themselves
+together upon him, after having laid low two of his equerries and a
+page.
+
+In this extreme danger an esquire wearing the arms of Rohan, fell upon
+the assailants like a thunderbolt, and killed two of them, crying,
+“God save the Bastarnays!” The third man-at-arms, who had already
+seized old Bastarnay, was so hard pressed by this squire, that he was
+obliged to leave the elder and turn against the younger, to whom he
+gave a thrust with his dagger through a flaw in his armour. Bastarnay
+was too good a comrade to fly without assisting the liberator of his
+house, who was badly wounded. With a blow of his mace he killed the
+man-at-arms, seized the squire, lifted him on to his horse, and gained
+the open, accompanied by a guide, who led him to the castle of
+Roche-Foucauld, which he entered by night, and found in the great room
+Bertha de Rohan, who had arranged this retreat for him. But on
+removing the helmet of his rescuer, he recognised the son of Jehan,
+who expired upon the table, as by a final effort he kissed his mother,
+and saying in a loud voice to her--
+
+“Mother, we have paid the debt we owed him!”
+
+Hearing these words, the mother clasped the body of her loved child to
+her heart, and separated from him never again, for she died of grief,
+without hearing or heeding the pardon and repentance of Bastarnay.
+
+The strange calamity hastened the last day of the poor old man, who
+did not live to see the coronation of King Louis the Eleventh. He
+founded a daily mass in the Church of Roche-Foucauld, where in the
+same grave he placed mother and son, with a large tombstone, upon
+which their lives are much honoured in the Latin language.
+
+The morals which any one can deduce from this history are the most
+profitable for the conduct of life, since this shows how gentlemen
+should be courteous with the dearly beloveds of their wives. Further,
+it teaches us that all children are blessings sent by God Himself, and
+over them fathers, whether true or false, have no right of murder, as
+was formerly the case at Rome, owing to a heathen and abominable law,
+which ill became that Christianity which makes us all sons of God.
+
+
+
+        HOW THE PRETTY MAID OF PORTILLON CONVINCED HER JUDGE
+
+The Maid of Portillon, who became as everyone knows, La Tascherette,
+was, before she became a dyer, a laundress at the said place of
+Portillon, from which she took her name. If any there be who do not
+know Tours, it may be as well to state that Portillon is down the
+Loire, on the same side as St. Cyr, about as far from the bridge which
+leads to the cathedral of Tours as said bridge is distant from
+Marmoustier, since the bridge is in the centre of the embankment
+between Portillon and Marmoustier. Do you thoroughly understand?
+
+Yes? Good! Now the maid had there her washhouse, from which she ran to
+the Loire with her washing in a second and took the ferry-boat to get
+to St. Martin, which was on the other side of the river, for she had
+to deliver the greater part of her work in Chateauneuf and other
+places.
+
+About Midsummer day, seven years before marrying old Taschereau, she
+had just reached the right age to be loved, without making a choice
+from any of the lads who pursued her with their intentions. Although
+there used to come to the bench under her window the son of Rabelais,
+who had seven boats on the Loire, Jehan’s eldest, Marchandeau the
+tailor, and Peccard the ecclesiastical goldsmith, she made fun of them
+all, because she wished to be taken to church before burthening
+herself with a man, which proves that she was an honest woman until
+she was wheedled out of her virtue. She was one of those girls who
+take great care not to be contaminated, but who, if by chance they get
+deceived, let things take their course, thinking that for one stain or
+for fifty a good polishing up is necessary. These characters demand
+our indulgence.
+
+A young noble of the court perceived her one day when she was crossing
+the water in the glare of the noonday sun, which lit up her ample
+charms, and seeing her, asked who she was. An old man, who was working
+on the banks, told him she was called the Pretty Maid of Portillon, a
+laundress, celebrated for her merry ways and her virtue. This young
+lord, besides ruffles to starch, had many precious draperies and
+things; he resolved to give the custom of his house to this girl, whom
+he stopped on the road. He was thanked by her and heartily, because he
+was the Sire du Fou, the king’s chamberlain. This encounter made her
+so joyful that her mouth was full of his name. She talked about it a
+great deal to the people of St. Martin, and when she got back to the
+washhouse was still full of it, and on the morrow at her work her
+tongue went nineteen to the dozen, and all on the same subject, so
+that as much was said concerning my Lord du Fou in Portillon as of God
+in a sermon; that is, a great deal too much.
+
+“If she works like that in cold water, what will she do in warm?” said
+an old washerwoman. “She wants du Fou; he’ll give her du Fou!”
+
+The first time this giddy wench, with her head full of Monsieur du
+Fou, had to deliver the linen at his hotel, the chamberlain wished to
+see her, and was very profuse in praises and compliments concerning
+her charms, and wound up by telling her that she was not at all silly
+to be beautiful, and therefore he would give her more than she
+expected. The deed followed the word, for the moment his people were
+out of the room, he began to caress the maid, who thinking he was
+about to take out the money from his purse, dared not look at the
+purse, but said, like a girl ashamed to take her wages--
+
+“It will be for the first time.”
+
+“It will be soon,” said he.
+
+Some people say that he had great difficulty in forcing her to accept
+what he offered her, and hardly forced her at all; others that he
+forced her badly, because she came out like an army flagging on the
+route, crying and groaning, and came to the judge. It happened that
+the judge was out. La Portillone awaited his return in his room,
+weeping and saying to the servant that she had been robbed, because
+Monseigneur du Fou had given her nothing but his mischief; whilst a
+canon of the Chapter used to give her large sums for that which M. du
+Fou wanted for nothing. If she loved a man she would think it wise to
+do things for him for nothing, because it would be a pleasure to her;
+but the chamberlain had treated her roughly, and not kindly and
+gently, as he should have done, and that therefore he owed her the
+thousand crowns of the canon. Then the judge came in, saw the wench,
+and wished to kiss her, but she put herself on guard, and said she had
+come to make a complaint. The judge replied that certainly she could
+have the offender hanged if she liked, because he was most anxious to
+serve her. The injured maiden replied that she did not wish the death
+of her man, but that he should pay her a thousand gold crowns, because
+she had been robbed against her will.
+
+“Ha! ha!” said the judge, “what he took was worth more than that.”
+
+“For the thousand crowns I’ll cry quits, because I shall be able to
+live without washing.”
+
+“He who has robbed you, is he well off?”
+
+“Oh yes.”
+
+“Then he shall pay dearly for it. Who is it?”
+
+“Monseigneur du Fou.”
+
+“Oh, that alters the case,” said the judge.
+
+“But justice?” said she.
+
+“I said the case, not the justice of it,” replied the judge. “I must
+know how the affair occurred.”
+
+Then the girl related naively how she was arranging the young lord’s
+ruffles in his wardrobe, when he began to play with her skirt, and she
+turned round saying--
+
+“Go on with you!”
+
+“You have no case,” said the judge, “for by that speech he thought
+that you gave him leave to go on. Ha! ha!”
+
+Then she declared that she had defended herself, weeping and crying
+out, and that that constitutes an assault.
+
+“A wench’s antics to incite him,” said the judge.
+
+Finally, La Portillone declared that against her will she had been
+taken round the waist and thrown, although she had kicked and cried
+and struggled, but that seeing no help at hand, she had lost courage.
+
+“Good! good!” said the judge. “Did you take pleasure in the affair?”
+
+“No,” said she. “My anguish can only be paid for with a thousand
+crowns.”
+
+“My dear,” said the judge, “I cannot receive your complaint, because I
+believe no girl could be thus treated against her will.”
+
+“Hi! hi! hi! Ask your servant,” said the little laundress, sobbing,
+“and hear what she’ll tell you.”
+
+The servant affirmed that there were pleasant assaults and unpleasant
+ones; that if La Portillone had received neither amusement nor money,
+either one or the other was due to her. This wise counsel threw the
+judge into a state of great perplexity.
+
+“Jacqueline,” said he, “before I sup I’ll get to the bottom of this.
+Now go and fetch my needle and the red thread that I sew the law paper
+bags with.”
+
+Jacqueline came back with a big needle, pierced with a pretty little
+hole, and a big red thread, such as the judges use. Then she remained
+standing to see the question decided, very much disturbed, as was also
+the complainant at these mysterious preparations.
+
+“My dear,” said the judge, “I am going to hold the bodkin, of which
+the eye is sufficiently large, to put this thread into it without
+trouble. If you do put it in, I will take up your case, and will make
+Monseigneur offer you a compromise.”
+
+“What’s that?” said she. “I will not allow it.”
+
+“It is a word used in justice to signify an agreement.”
+
+“A compromise is then agreeable with justice?” said La Portillone.
+
+“My dear, this violence has also opened your mind. Are you ready?”
+
+“Yes,” said she.
+
+The waggish judge gave the poor nymph fair play, holding the eye
+steady for her; but when she wished to slip in the thread that she had
+twisted to make straight, he moved a little, and the thread went on
+the other side. She suspected the judge’s argument, wetted the thread,
+stretched it, and came back again. The judge moved, twisted about, and
+wriggled like a bashful maiden; still this cursed thread would not
+enter. The girl kept trying at the eye, and the judge kept fidgeting.
+The marriage of the thread could not be consummated, the bodkin
+remained virgin, and the servant began to laugh, saying to La
+Portillone that she knew better how to endure than to perform. Then
+the roguish judge laughed too, and the fair Portillone cried for her
+golden crowns.
+
+“If you don’t keep still,” cried she, losing patience; “if you keep
+moving about I shall never be able to put the thread in.”
+
+“Then, my dear, if you had done the same, Monseigneur would have been
+unsuccessful too. Think, too, how easy is the one affair, and how
+difficult the other.”
+
+The pretty wench, who declared she had been forced, remained
+thoughtful, and sought to find a means to convince the judge by
+showing how she had been compelled to yield, since the honour of all
+poor girls liable to violence was at stake.
+
+“Monseigneur, in order that the bet made the fair, I must do exactly
+as the young lord did. If I had only had to move I should be moving
+still, but he went through other performances.”
+
+“Let us hear them,” replied the judge.
+
+Then La Portillone straightens the thread, and rubs it in the wax of
+the candle, to make it firm and straight; then she looked towards the
+eye of the bodkin, held by the judge, slipping always to the right or
+to the left. Then she began making endearing little speeches, such as,
+“Ah, the pretty little bodkin! What a pretty mark to aim at! Never did
+I see such a little jewel! What a pretty little eye! Let me put this
+little thread into it! Ah, you will hurt my poor thread, my nice
+little thread! Keep still! Come, my love of a judge, judge of my love!
+Won’t the thread go nicely into this iron gate, which makes good use
+of the thread, for it comes out very much out of order?” Then she
+burst out laughing, for she was better up in this game than the judge,
+who laughed too, so saucy and comical and arch was she, pushing the
+thread backwards and forwards. She kept the poor judge with the case
+in his hand until seven o’clock, keeping on fidgeting and moving about
+like a schoolboy let loose; but as La Portillone kept on trying to put
+the thread in, he could not help it. As, however, his joint was
+burning, and his wrist was tired, he was obliged to rest himself for a
+minute on the side of the table; then very dexterously the fair maid
+of Portillon slipped the thread in, saying--
+
+“That’s how the thing occurred.”
+
+“But my joint was burning.”
+
+“So was mine,” said she.
+
+The judge, convinced, told La Portillone that he would speak to
+Monseigneur du Fou, and would himself carry the affair through, since
+it was certain the young lord had embraced her against her will, but
+that for valid reasons he would keep the affair dark. On the morrow
+the judge went to the Court and saw Monseigneur du Fou, to whom he
+recounted the young woman’s complaint, and how she had set forth her
+case. This complaint lodged in court, tickled the king immensely.
+Young du Fou having said that there was some truth in it, the king
+asked if he had had much difficulty, and as he replied, innocently,
+“No,” the king declared the girl was quite worth a hundred gold
+crowns, and the chamberlain gave them to the judge, in order not to be
+taxed with stinginess, and said the starch would be a good income to
+La Portillone. The judge came back to La Portillone, and said,
+smiling, that he had raised a hundred gold crowns for her. But if she
+desired the balance of the thousand, there were at that moment in the
+king’s apartments certain lords who, knowing the case, had offered to
+make up the sum for her, with her consent. The little hussy did not
+refuse this offer, saying, that in order to do no more washing in the
+future she did not mind doing a little hard work now. She gratefully
+acknowledged the trouble the good judge had taken, and gained her
+thousand crowns in a month. From this came the falsehoods and jokes
+concerning her, because out of these ten lords jealousy made a
+hundred, whilst, differently from young men, La Portillone settled
+down to a virtuous life directly she had her thousand crowns. Even a
+Duke, who would have counted out five hundred crowns, would have found
+this girl rebellious, which proves she was niggardly with her
+property. It is true that the king caused her to be sent for to his
+retreat of Rue Quinquangrogne, on the mall of Chardonneret, found her
+extremely pretty, exceedingly affectionate, enjoyed her society, and
+forbade the sergeants to interfere with her in any way whatever.
+Seeing she was so beautiful, Nicole Beaupertuys, the king’s mistress,
+gave her a hundred gold crowns to go to Orleans, in order to see if
+the colour of the Loire was the same there as at Portillon. She went
+there, and the more willingly because she did not care very much for
+the king. When the good man came who confessed the king in his last
+hours, and was afterwards canonised, La Portillone went to him to
+polish up her conscience, did penance, and founded a bed in the
+leper-house of St. Lazare-aux-Tours. Many ladies whom you know have
+been assaulted by more than two lords, and have founded no other beds
+than those in their own houses. It is as well to relate this fact, in
+order to cleanse the reputation of this honest girl, who herself once
+washed dirty things, and who afterwards became famous for her clever
+tricks and her wit. She gave a proof of her merit in marrying
+Taschereau, who she cuckolded right merrily, as has been related in the
+story of The Reproach. This proves to us most satisfactorily that with
+strength and patience justice itself can be violated.
+
+
+
+     IN WHICH IT IS DEMONSTRATED THAT FORTUNE IS ALWAYS FEMININE
+
+During the time when knights courteously offered to each other both
+help and assistance in seeking their fortune, it happened that in
+Sicily--which, as you are probably aware, is an island situated in the
+corner of the Mediterranean Sea, and formerly celebrated--one knight
+met in a wood another knight, who had the appearance of a Frenchman.
+Presumably, this Frenchman was by some chance stripped of everything,
+and was so wretchedly attired that but for his princely air he might
+have been taken for a blackguard. It was possible that his horse had
+died of hunger or fatigue, on disembarking from the foreign shore for
+which he came, on the faith of the good luck which happened to the
+French in Sicily, which was true in every respect.
+
+The Sicilian knight, whose name was Pezare, was a Venetian long absent
+from the Venetian Republic, and with no desire to return there, since
+he had obtained a footing in the Court of the King of Sicily. Being
+short of funds in Venice, because he was a younger son, he had no
+fancy for commerce, and was for that reason eventually abandoned by
+his family, a most illustrious one. He therefore remained at this
+Court, where he was much liked by the king.
+
+This gentleman was riding a splendid Spanish horse, and thinking to
+himself how lonely he was in this strange court, without trusty
+friends, and how in such cases fortune was harsh to helpless people
+and became a traitress, when he met the poor French knight, who
+appeared far worse off that he, who had good weapons, a fine horse,
+and a mansion where servants were then preparing a sumptuous supper.
+
+“You must have come a long way to have so much dust on your feet,”
+ said the Venetian.
+
+“My feet have not as much dust as the road was long,” answered the
+Frenchman.
+
+“If you have travelled so much,” continued the Venetian, “you must be
+a learned man.”
+
+“I have learned,” replied the Frenchman, “to give no heed to those who
+do not trouble about me. I have learnt that however high a man’s head
+was, his feet were always level with my own; more than that, I have
+learnt to have no confidence in the warm days of winter, in the sleep
+of my enemies, or the words of my friends.”
+
+“You are, then, richer than I am,” said the Venetian, astonished,
+“since you tell me things of which I never thought.”
+
+“Everyone must think for himself,” said the Frenchman; “and as you
+have interrogated me, I can request from you the kindness of pointing
+to me the road to Palermo or some inn, for the night is closing in.”
+
+“Are you then, acquainted with no French or Sicilian gentlemen at
+Palermo?”
+
+“No.”
+
+“Then you are not certain of being received?”
+
+“I am disposed to forgive those who reject me. The road, sir, if you
+please.”
+
+“I am lost like yourself,” said the Venetian. “Let us look for it in
+company.”
+
+“To do that we must go together; but you are on horseback, I am on
+foot.”
+
+The Venetian took the French knight on his saddle behind him, and
+said--
+
+“Do you know with whom you are?”
+
+“With a man, apparently.”
+
+“Do you think you are in safety?”
+
+“If you were a robber, you would have to take care of yourself,” said
+the Frenchman, putting the point of his dagger to the Venetian’s
+heart.
+
+“Well, now, my noble Frenchman, you appear to be a man of great
+learning and sound sense; know that I am a noble, established at the
+Court of Sicily, but alone, and I seek a friend. You seem to be in the
+same plight, and, judging from appearances, you do not seem friendly
+with your lot, and have apparently need of everybody.”
+
+“Should I be happier if everybody wanted me?”
+
+“You are a devil, who turns every one of my words against me. By St.
+Mark! my lord knight, can one trust you?”
+
+“More than yourself, who commenced our federal friendship by deceiving
+me, since you guide your horse like a man who knows his way, and you
+said you were lost.”
+
+“And did not you deceive me?” said the Venetian, “by making a sage of
+your years walk, and giving a noble knight the appearance of a
+vagabond? Here is my abode; my servants have prepared supper for us.”
+
+The Frenchman jumped off the horse, and entered the house with the
+Venetian cavalier, accepting his supper. They both seated themselves
+at the table. The Frenchman fought so well with his jaws, he twisted
+the morsels with so much agility, that he showed herself equally
+learned in suppers, and showed it again in dexterously draining the
+wine flasks without his eye becoming dimmed or his understanding
+affected. Then you may be sure that the Venetian thought to himself he
+had fallen in with a fine son of Adam, sprung from the right side and
+the wrong one. While they were drinking together, the Venetian
+endeavoured to find some joint through which to sound the secret
+depths of his friend’s cogitations. He, however, clearly perceived
+that he would cast aside his shirt sooner than his prudence, and
+judged it opportune to gain his esteem by opening his doublet to him.
+Therefore he told him in what state was Sicily, where reigned Prince
+Leufroid and his gentle wife; how gallant was the Court, what courtesy
+there flourished, that there abounded many lords of Spain, Italy,
+France, and other countries, lords in high feather and well feathered;
+many princesses, as rich as noble, and as noble as rich; that this
+prince had the loftiest aspirations--such as to conquer Morocco,
+Constantinople, Jerusalem, the lands of Soudan, and other African
+places. Certain men of vast minds conducted his affairs, bringing
+together the ban and arriere ban of the flower of Christian chivalry,
+and kept up his splendour with the idea of causing to reign over the
+Mediterranean this Sicily, so opulent in times gone by, and of ruining
+Venice, which had not a foot of land. These designs had been planted
+in the king’s mind by him, Pezare; but although he was high in that
+prince’s favour, he felt himself weak, had no assistance from the
+courtiers, and desired to make a friend. In this great trouble he had
+gone for a little ride to turn matters over in his mind, and decide
+upon the course to pursue. Now, since while in this idea he had met a
+man of so much sense as the chevalier had proved herself to be, he
+proposed to fraternise with him, to open his purse to him, and give
+him his palace to live in. They would journey in company through life
+in search of honours and pleasure, without concealing one single
+thought, and would assist each other on all occasions as the
+brothers-in-arms did at the Crusades. Now, as the Frenchman was seeking
+his fortune, and required assistance, the Venetian did not for a moment
+expect that this offer of mutual consolation would be refused.
+
+“Although I stand in need of no assistance,” said the Frenchman,
+“because I rely upon a point which will procure me all that I desire,
+I should like to acknowledge your courtesy, dear Chevalier Pezare. You
+will soon see that you will yet be the debtor of Gauttier de
+Monsoreau, a gentleman of the fair land of Touraine.”
+
+“Do you possess any relic with which your fortune is wound up?” said
+the Venetian.
+
+“A talisman given me by my dear mother,” said the Touranian, “with
+which castles and cities are built and demolished, a hammer to coin
+money, a remedy for every ill, a traveller’s staff always ready to be
+tried, and worth most when in a state of readiness, a master tool,
+which executes wondrous works in all sorts of forges, without making
+the slightest noise.”
+
+“Eh! by St. Mark you have, then, a mystery concealed in your hauberk?”
+
+“No,” said the French knight; “it is a perfectly natural thing. Here
+it is.”
+
+And rising suddenly from the table to prepare for bed, Gauttier showed
+to the Venetian the finest talisman to procure joy that he had ever
+seen.
+
+“This,” said the Frenchman, as they both got into bed together,
+according to the custom of the times, “overcomes every obstacle, by
+making itself master of female hearts; and as the ladies are the
+queens in this court, your friend Gauttier will soon reign there.”
+
+The Venetian remained in great astonishment at the sight of the secret
+charms of the said Gauttier, who had indeed been bounteously endowed
+by his mother, and perhaps also by his father; and would thus triumph
+over everything, since he joined to this corporeal perfection the wit
+of a young page, and the wisdom of an old devil. Then they swore an
+eternal friendship, regarding as nothing therein a woman’s heart,
+vowing to have one and the same idea, as if their heads had been in
+the same helmet; and they fell asleep on the same pillow enchanted
+with this fraternity. This was a common occurrence in those days.
+
+On the morrow the Venetian gave a fine horse to his friend Gauttier,
+also a purse full of money, fine silken hose, a velvet doublet,
+fringed with gold, and an embroidered mantle, which garments set off
+his figure so well, and showed up his beauties, that the Venetian was
+certain he would captivate all the ladies. The servants received
+orders to obey this Gauttier as they would himself, so that they
+fancied their master had been fishing, and had caught this Frenchman.
+Then the two friends made their entry into Palermo at the hour when
+the princes and princesses were taking the air. Pezare presented his
+French friend, speaking so highly of his merits, and obtaining such a
+gracious reception for him, that Leufroid kept him to supper. The
+knight kept a sharp eye on the Court, and noticed therein various
+curious little secret practices. If the king was a brave and handsome
+prince, the princess was a Spanish lady of high temperature, the most
+beautiful and most noble woman of his Court, but inclined to
+melancholy. Looking at her, the Touranian believed that she was
+sparingly embraced by the king, for the law of Touraine is that joy in
+the face comes from joy elsewhere. Pezare pointed out to his friend
+Gauttier several ladies to whom Leufroid was exceedingly gracious and
+who were exceedingly jealous and fought for him in a tournament of
+gallantries and wonderful female inventions. From all this Gauttier
+concluded that the prince went considerably astray with his court,
+although he had the prettiest wife in the world, and occupied himself
+with taxing the ladies of Sicily, in order that he might put his horse
+in their stables, vary his fodder, and learn the equestrian
+capabilities of many lands. Perceiving what a life Leufroid was
+leading, the Sire de Monsoreau, certain that no one in the Court had
+had the heart to enlighten the queen, determined at one blow to plant
+his halberd in the field of the fair Spaniard by a master stroke; and
+this is how. At supper-time, in order to show courtesy to the foreign
+knight, the king took care to place him near the queen, to whom the
+gallant Gauttier offered his arm, to take her into the room, and
+conducted her there hastily, to get ahead of those who were following,
+in order to whisper, first of all, a word concerning a subject which
+always pleases the ladies in whatever condition they may be. Imagine
+what this word was, and how it went straight through the stubble and
+weeds into the warm thicket of love.
+
+“I know, your majesty, what causes your paleness of face.”
+
+“What?” said she.
+
+“You are so loving that the king loves you night and day; thus you
+abuse your advantage, for he will die of love.”
+
+“What should I do to keep him alive?” said the queen.
+
+“Forbid him to repeat at your altar more than three prayers a day.”
+
+“You are joking, after the French fashion, Sir Knight, seeing that the
+king’s devotion to me does not extend beyond a short prayer a week.”
+
+“You are deceived,” said Gauttier, seating himself at the table. “I
+can prove to you that love should go through the whole mass, matins,
+and vespers, with an _Ave_ now and then, for queens as for simple
+women, and go through the ceremony every day, like the monks in their
+monastery, with fervour; but for you these litanies should never
+finish.”
+
+The queen cast upon the knight a glance which was far from one of
+displeasure, smiled at him, and shook her head.
+
+“In this,” said she, “men are great liars.”
+
+“I have with me a great truth which I will show you when you wish it.”
+ replied the knight. “I undertake to give you queen’s fare, and put you
+on the high road to joy; by this means you will make up for lost time,
+the more so as the king is ruined through other women, while I shall
+reserve my advantage for your service.”
+
+“And if the king learns of our arrangement, he will put your head on a
+level with your feet.”
+
+“Even if this misfortune befell me it after the first night, I should
+believe I had lived a hundred years, from the joy therein received,
+for never have I seen, after visiting all Courts, a princess fit to
+hold a candle to your beauty. To be brief, if I die not by the sword,
+you will still be the cause of my death, for I am resolved to spend my
+life in your love, if life will depart in the place whence it comes.”
+
+Now this queen had never heard such words before, and preferred them
+to the most sweetly sung mass; her pleasure showed itself in her face,
+which became purple, for these words made her blood boil within her
+veins, so that the strings of her lute were moved thereat, and struck
+a sweet note that rang melodiously in her ears, for this lute fills
+with its music the brain and the body of the ladies, by a sweet
+artifice of their resonant nature. What a shame to be young,
+beautiful, Spanish, and queen, and yet neglected. She conceived an
+intense disdain for those of her Court who had kept their lips closed
+concerning this infidelity, through fear of the king, and determined
+to revenge herself with the aid of this handsome Frenchman, who cared
+so little for life that in his first words he had staked it in making
+a proposition to a queen, which was worthy of death, if she did her
+duty. Instead of this, however, she pressed his foot with her own, in
+a manner that admitted no misconception, and said aloud to him--
+
+“Sir Knight, let us change the subject, for it is very wrong of you to
+attack a poor queen in her weak spot. Tell us the customs of the
+ladies of the Court of France.”
+
+Thus did the knight receive the delicate hint that the business was
+arranged. Then he commenced to talk of merry and pleasant things,
+which during supper kept the court, the king, the queen, and all the
+courtiers in a good humour; so much so that when the siege was raised,
+Leufroid declared that he had never laughed so much in his life. Then
+they strolled about the gardens, which were the most beautiful in the
+world, and the queen made a pretext of the chevalier’s sayings to walk
+beneath a grove of blossoming orange trees, which yielded a delicious
+fragrance.
+
+“Lovely and noble queen,” said Gauttier, immediately, “I have seen in
+all countries the perdition of love have its birth in these first
+attentions, which we call courtesy; if you have confidence in me, let
+us agree, as people of high intelligence, to love each other without
+standing on so much ceremony; by this means no suspicion will be
+aroused, our happiness will be less dangerous and more lasting. In
+this fashion should queens conduct their amours, if they would avoid
+interference.”
+
+“Well said,” said she. “But as I am new at this business, I did not
+know what arrangements to make.”
+
+“Have you are among your women one in whom you have perfect
+confidence?”
+
+“Yes,” said she; “I have a maid who came from Spain with me, who would
+put herself on a gridiron for me like St. Lawrence did for God, but
+she is always poorly.”
+
+“That’s good,” said her companion, “because you go to see her.”
+
+“Yes,” said the queen, “and sometimes at night.”
+
+“Ah!” exclaimed Gauttier, “I make a vow to St. Rosalie, patroness of
+Sicily, to build her a gold altar for this fortune.”
+
+“O Jesus!” cried the queen. “I am doubly blessed in having a lover so
+handsome and yet so religious.”
+
+“Ah, my dear, I have two sweethearts today, because I have a queen to
+love in heaven above, and another one here below, and luckily these
+loves cannot clash one with the other.”
+
+This sweet speech so affected the queen, that for nothing she would
+have fled with this cunning Frenchman.
+
+“The Virgin Mary is very powerful in heaven,” said the queen. “Love
+grant that I may be like her!”
+
+“Bah! they are talking of the Virgin Mary,” said the king, who by
+chance had come to watch them, disturbed by a gleam of jealousy, cast
+into his heart by a Sicilian courtier, who was furious at the sudden
+favour which the Frenchman had obtained.
+
+The queen and the chevalier laid their plans, and everything was
+secretly arranged to furnish the helmet of the king with two invisible
+ornaments. The knight rejoined the Court, made himself agreeable to
+everyone, and returned to the Palace of Pezare, whom he told that
+their fortunes were made, because on the morrow, at night, he would
+sleep with the queen. This swift success astonished the Venetian, who,
+like a good friend, went in search of fine perfumes, linen of Brabant,
+and precious garments, to which queens are accustomed, with all of
+which he loaded his friend Gauttier, in order that the case might be
+worthy the jewel.
+
+“Ah, my friend,” said he “are you sure not to falter, but to go
+vigorously to work, to serve the queen bravely, and give her such joys
+in her castle of Gallardin that she may hold on for ever to this
+master staff, like a drowning sailor to a plank?”
+
+“As for that, fear nothing, dear Pezare, because I have the arrears of
+the journey, and I will deal with her as with a simple servant,
+instructing her in the ways of the ladies of Touraine, who understand
+love better than all others, because they make it, remake it, and
+unmake it to make it again and having remade it, still keep on making
+it; and having nothing else to do, have to do that which always wants
+doing. Now let us settle our plans. This is how we shall obtain the
+government of the island. I shall hold the queen and you the king; we
+will play the comedy of being great enemies before the eyes of the
+courtiers, in order to divide them into two parties under our command,
+and yet, unknown to all, we will remain friends. By this means we
+shall know their plots, and will thwart them, you by listening to my
+enemies and I to yours. In the course of a few days we will pretend to
+quarrel in order to strive one against the other. This quarrel will be
+caused by the favour in which I will manage to place you with the
+king, through the channel of the queen, and he will give you supreme
+power, to my injury.”
+
+On the morrow Gauttier went to the house of the Spanish lady, who
+before the courtiers he recognised as having known in Spain, and he
+remained there seven whole days. As you can imagine, the Touranian
+treated the queen as a fondly loved woman, and showed her so many
+terra incognita in love, French fashions, little tendernesses, etc.,
+that she nearly lost her reason through it, and swore that the French
+were the only people who thoroughly understood love. You see how the
+king was punished, who, to keep her virtuous, had allowed weeds to
+grow in the grange of love. Their supernatural festivities touched the
+queen so strongly that she made a vow of eternal love to Montsoreau,
+who had awakened her, by revealing to her the joys of the proceeding.
+It was arranged that the Spanish lady should take care always to be
+ill; and that the only man to whom the lovers would confide their
+secret should be the court physician, who was much attached to the
+queen. By chance this physician had in his glottis, chords exactly
+similar to those of Gauttier, so that by a freak of nature they had
+the same voice, which much astonished the queen. The physician swore
+on his life faithfully to serve the pretty couple, for he deplored the
+sad desertion of this beautiful women, and was delighted to know she
+would be served as a queen should be--a rare thing.
+
+A month elapsed and everything was going on to the satisfaction of the
+two friends, who worked the plans laid by the queen, in order to get
+the government of Sicily into the hands of Pezare, to the detriment of
+Montsoreau, whom the king loved for his great wisdom; but the queen
+would not consent to have him, because he was so ungallant. Leufroid
+dismissed the Duke of Cataneo, his principal follower, and put the
+Chevalier Pezare in his place. The Venetian took no notice of his
+friend the Frenchmen. Then Gauttier burst out, declaimed loudly
+against the treachery and abused friendship of his former comrade, and
+instantly earned the devotion of Cataneo and his friends, with whom he
+made a compact to overthrow Pezare. Directly he was in office the
+Venetian, who was a shrewd man, and well suited to govern states,
+which was the usual employment of Venetian gentlemen, worked wonders
+in Sicily, repaired the ports, brought merchants there by the
+fertility of his inventions and by granting them facilities, put bread
+into the mouths of hundreds of poor people, drew thither artisans of
+all trades, because fetes were always being held, and also the idle
+and rich from all quarters, even from the East. Thus harvests, the
+products of the earth, and other commodities, were plentiful; and
+galleys came from Asia, the which made the king much envied, and the
+happiest king in the Christian world, because through these things his
+Court was the most renowned in the countries of Europe. This fine
+political aspect was the result of the perfect agreement of the two
+men who thoroughly understood each other. The one looked after the
+pleasures, and was himself the delight of the queen, whose face was
+always bright and gay, because she was served according to the method
+of Touraine, and became animated through excessive happiness; and he
+also took care to keep the king amused, finding him every day new
+mistresses, and casting him into a whirl of dissipation. The king was
+much astonished at the good temper of the queen, whom, since the
+arrival of the Sire de Montsoreau in the island, he had touched no
+more than a Jew touches bacon. Thus occupied, the king and queen
+abandoned the care of their kingdom to the other friend, who conducted
+the affairs of government, ruled the establishment, managed the
+finances, and looked to the army, and all exceedingly well, knowing
+where money was to be made, enriching the treasury, and preparing all
+the great enterprises above mentioned.
+
+The state of things lasted three years, some say four, but the monks
+of Saint Benoist have not wormed out the date, which remains obscure,
+like the reasons for the quarrel between the two friends. Probably the
+Venetian had the high ambition to reign without any control or
+dispute, and forgot the services which the Frenchman had rendered him.
+Thus do the men who live in Courts behave, for, according to the
+statements of the Messire Aristotle in his works, that which ages the
+most rapidly in this world is a kindness, although extinguished love
+is sometimes very rancid. Now, relying on the perfect friendship of
+Leufroid, who called him his crony, and would have done anything for
+him, the Venetian conceived the idea of getting rid of his friend by
+revealing to the king the mystery of his cuckoldom, and showing him
+the source of the queen’s happiness, not doubting for a moment but
+that he would commence by depriving Monsoreau of his head, according
+to a practice common in Sicily under similar circumstances. By this
+means Pezare would have all the money that he and Gauttier had
+noiselessly conveyed to the house of a Lombard of Genoa, which money
+was their joint property on account of their fraternity. This
+treasure, increased on one side by the magnificent presents made to
+Montsoreau by the queen, who had vast estates in Spain, and other, by
+inheritance in Italy; on the other, by the king’s gifts to his prime
+minister, to whom he also gave certain rights over the merchants, and
+other indulgences. The treacherous friend, having determined to break
+his vow, took care to conceal his intention from Gauttier, because the
+Touranian was an awkward man to tackle.
+
+One night that Pezare knew that the queen was in bed with her lover,
+who loved him as though each night were a wedding one, so skilful was
+she at the business, the traitor promised the king to let him take
+evidence in the case, through a hole he had made in the wardrobe of
+the Spanish lady, who always pretended to be at death’s door. In order
+to obtain a better view, Pezare waited until the sun had risen. The
+Spanish lady, who was fleet of foot, had a quick eye and a sharp ear,
+heard footsteps, peeped out, and perceiving the king, followed by the
+Venetian, through a crossbar in the closet in which she slept the
+night that the queen had her lover between two sheets, which is
+certainly the best way to have a lover. She ran to warn the couple of
+this betrayal. But the king’s eye was already at the cursed hole,
+Leufroid saw--what?
+
+That beautiful and divine lantern with burns so much oil and lights
+the world--a lantern adorned with the most lovely baubles, flaming,
+brilliantly, which he thought more lovely than all the others, because
+he had lost sight of it for so long a time that it appeared quite new
+to him; but the size of the hole prevented him seeing anything else
+except the hand of a man, which modestly covered the lantern, and he
+heard the voice of Montsoreau saying--
+
+“How’s the little treasure, this morning?” A playful expression, which
+lovers used jokingly, because this lantern is in all countries the sun
+of love, and for this the prettiest possible names are bestowed upon
+it, whilst comparing it to the loveliest things in nature, such as my
+pomegranate, my rose, my little shell, my hedgehog, my gulf of love,
+my treasure, my master, my little one; some even dared most
+heretically to say, my god! If you don’t believe it, ask your friends.
+
+At this moment the lady let him understand by a gesture that the king
+was there.
+
+“Can he hear?” said the queen.
+
+“Yes.”
+
+“Can he see?”
+
+“Yes.”
+
+“Who brought him?”
+
+“Pezare.”
+
+“Fetch the physician, and get Gauttier into his own room.” said the
+queen.
+
+In less time than it takes a beggar to say “God bless you, sir!” the
+queen had swathed the lantern in linen and paint, so that you would
+have thought it a hideous wound in a state of grievous inflammation.
+When the king, enraged by what he overheard, burst open the door, he
+found the queen lying on the bed exactly as he has seen her through
+the hole, and the physician, examining the lantern swathed in
+bandages, and saying, “How it is the little treasure, this morning?”
+ in exactly the same voice as the king had heard. A jocular and
+cheerful expression, because physicians and surgeons use cheerful
+words with ladies and treat this sweet flower with flowery phrases.
+This sight made the king look as foolish as a fox caught in a trap.
+The queen sprang up, reddening with shame, and asking what man dared
+to intrude upon her privacy at such a moment, but perceiving the king,
+she said to him as follows:--
+
+“Ah! my lord, you have discovered that which I have endeavoured to
+conceal from you: that I am so badly treated by you that I am
+afflicted with a burning ailment, of which my dignity would not allow
+me to complain, but which needs secret dressing in order to assuage
+the influence of the vital forces. To save my honour and your own, I
+am compelled to come to my good Lady Miraflor, who consoles me in my
+troubles.”
+
+Then the physician commenced to treat Leufroid to an oration,
+interlarded with Latin quotations and precious grains from
+Hippocrates, Galen, the School of Salerno, and others, in which he
+showed him how necessary to women was the proper cultivation of the
+field of Venus, and that there was great danger of death to queens of
+Spanish temperament, whose blood was excessively amorous. He delivered
+himself of his arguments with great solemnity of feature, voice, and
+manner, in order to give the Sire de Montsoreau time to get to bed.
+Then the queen took the same text to preach the king a sermon as long
+as his arm, and requested the loan of that limb, that the king might
+conduct her to her apartment instead of the poor invalid, who usually
+did so in order to avoid calumny. When they were in the gallery where
+the Sire de Montsoreau resided, the queen said jokingly, “You should
+play a good trick on this Frenchman, who I would wager is with some
+lady, and not in his own room. All the ladies of Court are in love
+with him, and there will be mischief some day through him. If you had
+taken my advice he would not be in Sicily now.”
+
+Leufroid went suddenly into Gauttier’s room, whom he found in a deep
+sleep, and snoring like a monk in Church. The queen returned with the
+king, whom she took to her apartments, and whispered to one of the
+guards to send to her the lord whose place Pezare occupied. Then,
+while she fondled the king, taking breakfast with him, she took the
+lord directly he came, into an adjoining room.
+
+“Erect a gallows on the bastion,” said she, “then seize the knight
+Pezare, and manage so that he is hanged instantly, without giving time
+to write or say a single word on any subject whatsoever. Such is our
+good pleasure and supreme command.”
+
+Cataneo made no remark. While Pezare was thinking to himself that his
+friend Gauttier would soon be minus his head, the Duke Cataneo came to
+seize and lead him on to bastion, from which he could see at the
+queen’s window the Sire de Montsoreau in company with the king, the
+queen, and the courtiers, and came to the conclusion that he who
+looked after the queen had a better chance in everything than he who
+looked after the king.
+
+“My dear,” said the queen to her spouse, leading him to the window,
+“behold a traitor, who was endeavouring to deprive you of that which
+you hold dearest in the world, and I will give you the proofs when you
+have the leisure to study them.”
+
+Montsoreau, seeing the preparations for the final ceremony, threw
+himself at the king’s feet, to obtain the pardon of him who was his
+mortal enemy, at which the king was much moved.
+
+“Sire de Monsoreau,” said the queen, turning towards him with an angry
+look, “are you so bold as to oppose our will and pleasure?”
+
+“You are a noble knight,” said the king, “but you do not know how
+bitter this Venetian was against you.”
+
+Pezare was delicately strangled between the head and the shoulders,
+for the queen revealed his treacheries to the king, proving to him, by
+the declaration of a Lombard of the town, the enormous sums which
+Pezare had in the bank of Genoa, the whole of which were given up to
+Montsoreau.
+
+This noble and lovely queen died, as related in the history of Sicily,
+that is, in consequence of a heavy labour, during which she gave birth
+to a son, who was a man as great in himself as he was unfortunate in
+his undertakings. The king believed the physician’s statement, that
+the said termination to this accouchement was caused by the too chaste
+life the queen had led, and believing himself responsible for it, he
+founded the Church of the Madonna, which is one of the finest in the
+town of Palermo. The Sire de Monsoreau, who was a witness of the
+king’s remorse, told him that when a king got his wife from Spain, he
+ought to know that this queen would require more attention than any
+other, because the Spanish ladies were so lively that they equalled
+ten ordinary women, and that if he wished a wife for show only, he
+should get her from the north of Germany, where the women are as cold
+as ice. The good knight came back to Touraine laden with wealth, and
+lived there many years, but never mentioned his adventures in Sicily.
+He returned there to aid the king’s son in his principal attempt
+against Naples, and left Italy when this sweet prince was wounded, as
+is related in the Chronicle.
+
+Besides the high moralities contained in the title of this tale, where
+it is said that fortune, being female, is always on the side of the
+ladies, and that men are quite right to serve them well, it shows us
+that silence is the better part of wisdom. Nevertheless, the monkish
+author of this narrative seems to draw this other no less learned
+moral therefrom, that interest which makes so many friendships, breaks
+them also. But from these three versions you can choose the one that
+best accords with your judgment and your momentary requirement.
+
+
+
+       CONCERNING A POOR MAN WHO WAS CALLED LE VIEUX PAR-CHEMINS
+
+The old chronicler who furnished the hemp to weave the present story,
+is said to have lived at the time when the affair occurred in the City
+of Rouen.
+
+In the environs of this fair town, where at the time dwelt Duke
+Richard, an old man used to beg, whose name was Tryballot, but to whom
+was given the nickname of Le Vieux par-Chemins, or the Old Man of the
+Roads; not because he was yellow and dry as vellum, but because he was
+always in the high-ways and by-ways--up hill and down dale--slept with
+the sky for his counterpane, and went about in rags and tatters.
+Notwithstanding this, he was very popular in the duchy, where everyone
+had grown used to him, so much so that if the month went by without
+anyone seeing his cup held towards them, people would say, “Where is
+the old man?” and the usual answer was, “On the roads.”
+
+This said man had had for a father a Tryballot, who was in his
+lifetime a skilled artisan, so economical and careful, that he left
+considerable wealth to his son.
+
+But the young lad soon frittered it away, for he was the very opposite
+of the old fellow, who, returning from the fields to his house, picked
+up, now here, now there, many a little stick of wood left right and
+left, saying, conscientiously, that one should never come home empty
+handed. Thus he warmed himself in the winter at the expense of the
+careless; and he did well. Everyone recognised what a good example
+this was for the country, since a year before his death no one left a
+morsel of wood on the road; he had compelled the most dissipated to be
+thrifty and orderly. But his son made ducks and drakes of everything,
+and did not follow his wise example. The father had predicted the
+thing. From the boy’s earliest youth, when the good Tryballot set him
+to watch the birds who came to eat the peas, beans, and the grain, and
+to drive the thieves away, above all, the jays, who spoiled
+everything, he would study their habits, and took delight in watching
+with what grace they came and went, flew off loaded, and returned,
+watching with a quick eye the snares and nets; and he would laugh
+heartily at their cleverness in avoiding them. Tryballot senior went
+into a passion when he found his grain considerably less in a measure.
+But although he pulled his son’s ears whenever he caught him idling
+and trifling under a nut tree, the little rascal did not alter his
+conduct, but continued to study the habits of the blackbirds,
+sparrows, and other intelligent marauders. One day his father told him
+that he would be wise to model himself after them, for that if he
+continued this kind of life, he would be compelled in his old age like
+them, to pilfer, and like them, would be pursued by justice. This came
+true; for, as has before been stated, he dissipated in a few days the
+crowns which his careful father had acquired in a life-time. He dealt
+with men as he did with the sparrows, letting everyone put a hand in
+his pocket, and contemplating the grace and polite demeanour of those
+who assisted to empty it. The end of his wealth was thus soon reached.
+When the devil had the empty money bag to himself, Tryballot did not
+appear at all cut up, saying, that he “did not wish to damn himself
+for this world’s goods, and that he had studied philosophy in the
+school of the birds.”
+
+After having thoroughly enjoyed himself, of all his goods, there only
+remained to him a goblet bought at Landict, and three dice, quite
+sufficient furniture for drinking and gambling, so that he went about
+without being encumbered, as are the great, with chariots, carpets,
+dripping pans, and an infinite number of varlets. Tryballot wished to
+see his good friends, but they no longer knew him, which fact gave him
+leave no longer to recognise anyone. Seeing this, he determined to
+choose a profession in which there was nothing to do and plenty to
+gain. Thinking this over, he remembered the indulgences of the
+blackbirds and the sparrows. Then the good Tryballot selected for his
+profession that of begging money at people’s houses, and pilfering.
+From the first day, charitable people gave him something, and
+Tryballot was content, finding the business good, without advance
+money or bad debts; on the contrary, full of accommodation. He went
+about it so heartily, that he was liked everywhere, and received a
+thousand consolations refused to rich people. The good man watched the
+peasants planting, sowing, reaping, and making harvest, and said to
+himself, that they worked a little for him as well. He who had a pig
+in his larder owed him a bit for it, without suspecting it. The man
+who baked a loaf in his oven often baked it for Tryballot without
+knowing it. He took nothing by force; on the contrary, people said to
+him kindly, while making him a present, “Here Vieux par-Chemins, cheer
+up, old fellow. How are you? Come, take this; the cat began it, you
+can finish it.”
+
+Vieux par-Chemins was at all the weddings, baptisms, and funerals,
+because he went everywhere where there was, openly or secretly,
+merriment and feasting. He religiously kept the statutes and canons of
+his order--namely, to do nothing, because if he had been able to do
+the smallest amount of work no one would ever give anything again.
+After having refreshed himself, this wise man would lay full length in
+a ditch, or against a church wall, and think over public affairs; and
+then he would philosophise, like his pretty tutors, the blackbirds,
+jays, and sparrows, and thought a great deal while mumping; for,
+because his apparel was poor, was that a reason his understanding
+should not be rich? His philosophy amused his clients, to whom he
+would repeat, by way of thanks, the finest aphorisms of his science.
+According to him, suppers produced gout in the rich: he boasted that
+he had nimble feet, because his shoemaker gave him boots that do not
+pinch his corns. There were aching heads beneath diadems, but his
+never ached, because it was touched neither by luxury nor any other
+chaplet. And again, that jewelled rings hinder the circulation of the
+blood. Although he covered himself with sores, after the manner of
+cadgers, you may be sure he was as sound as a child at the baptismal
+font.
+
+The good man disported himself with other rogues, playing with his
+three dice, which he kept to remind him to spend his coppers, in order
+that he might always be poor. In spite of his vow, he was, like all
+the order of mendicants, so wealthy that one day at the Paschal feast,
+another beggar wishing to rent his profit from him, Vieux par-Chemins
+refused ten crowns for it; in fact, the same evening he spent fourteen
+crowns in drinking the health of the alms-givers, because it is the
+statutes of beggary that one should show one’s gratitude to donors.
+Although he carefully got rid of that of which had been a source of
+anxiety to others, who, having too much wealth went in search of
+poverty, he was happier with nothing in the world than when he had his
+father’s money. And seeing what are the conditions of nobility, he was
+always on the high road to it, because he did nothing except according
+to his fancy, and lived nobly without labour. Thirty crowns would not
+have got him out of a bed when he was in it. The morrow always dawned
+for him as it did for others, while leading this happy life; which,
+according to the statements of Plato, whose authority has more than
+once been invoked in these narratives, certain ancient sages had led
+before him. At last, Vieux par-Chemins reached the age of eighty-two
+years, having never been a single day without picking up money, and
+possessed the healthiest colour and complexion imaginable. He believed
+that if he had persevered in the race for wealth he would have been
+spoiled and buried years before. It is possible he was right.
+
+In his early youth Vieux par-Chemins had the illustrious virtue of
+being very partial to the ladies; and his abundance of love was, it is
+said, the result of his studies among the sparrows. Thus it was that
+he was always ready to give the ladies his assistance in counting the
+joists, and this generosity finds its physical cause in the fact that,
+having nothing to do, he was always ready to do something. His secret
+virtues brought about, it is said, that popularity which he enjoyed in
+the provinces. Certain people say that the lady of Chaumont had him in
+her castle, to learn the truth about these qualities, and kept him
+there for a week, to prevent him begging. But the good man jumped over
+the hedges and fled in great terror of being rich. Advancing in age,
+this great quintessencer found himself disdained, although his notable
+faculties of loving were in no way impaired. This unjust turning away
+on the part of the female tribe caused the first trouble of Vieux
+par-Chemins, and the celebrated trial of Rouen, to which it is time I
+came.
+
+In this eighty-second year of his age he was compelled to remain
+continent for about seven months, during which time he met no woman
+kindly disposed towards him; and he declared before the judge that
+that had caused the greatest astonishment of his long and honourable
+life. In this most pitiable state he saw in the fields during the
+merry month of May a girl, who by chance was a maiden, and minding
+cows. The heat was so excessive that this cowherdess had stretched
+herself beneath the shadow of a beech tree, her face to the ground,
+after the custom of people who labour in the fields, in order to get a
+little nap while her animals were grazing. She was awakened by the
+deed of the old man, who had stolen from her that which a poor girl
+could only lose once. Finding herself ruined without receiving from
+the process either knowledge or pleasure, she cried out so loudly that
+the people working in the fields ran to her, and were called upon by
+her as witnesses, at the time when that destruction was visible in her
+which is appropriate only to a bridal night. She cried and groaned,
+saying that the old ape might just as well have played his tricks on
+her mother, who would have said nothing.
+
+He made answer to the peasants, who had already raised their hoes to
+kill him, that he had been compelled to enjoy himself. These people
+objected that a man can enjoy himself very well without enjoying a
+maiden--a case for the provost, which would bring him straight to the
+gallows; and he was taken with great clamour to the jail of Rouen.
+
+The girl, interrogated by the provost, declared that she was sleeping
+in order to do something, and that she thought she was dreaming of her
+lover, with whom she was then at loggerheads, because before marriage
+he wished to take certain liberties: and jokingly, in this dream she
+let him reconnoiter to a certain extent, in order to avoid any dispute
+afterwards, and that in spite of her prohibitions he went further than
+she had given him leave to go, and finding more pain than pleasure in
+the affair, she had been awakened by Vieux par-Chemins, who had
+attacked her as a gray-friar would a ham at the end of lent.
+
+This trial caused so great a commotion in the town of Rouen that the
+provost was sent for by the duke, who had an intense desire to know if
+the thing were true. Upon the affirmation of the provost, he ordered
+Vieux par-Chemins to be brought to his palace, in order that he might
+hear what defence he had to make. The poor old fellow appeared before
+the prince, and informed him naively of the misfortune which his
+impulsive nature brought upon him, declaring that he was like a young
+fellow impelled by imperious desires; that up to the present year he
+had sweethearts of his own, but for the last eight months he had been
+a total abstainer; that he was too poor to find favour with the girls
+of the town; that honest women who once were charitable to him, had
+taken a dislike to his hair, which had feloniously turned white in
+spite of the green youth of his love, and that he felt compelled to
+avail himself of the chance when he saw this maiden, who, stretched at
+full length under the beech tree, left visible the lining of her dress
+and two hemispheres, white as snow, which had deprived him of reason;
+that the fault was the girl’s and not his, because young maidens
+should be forbidden to entice passers-by by showing them that which
+caused Venus to be named Callipyge; finally the prince ought to be
+aware what trouble a man had to control himself at the hour of noon,
+because that was the time of day at which King David was smitten with
+the wife of the Sieur Uriah, that where a Hebrew king, beloved of God,
+had succumbed, a poor man, deprived of all joy, and reduced to begging
+for his bread, could not expect to escape; that for that matter of
+that, he was quite willing to sing psalms for the remainder of his
+days, and play upon a lute by way of penance, in imitation of the said
+king, who had had the misfortune to slay a husband, while he had only
+done a trifling injury to a peasant girl. The duke listened to the
+arguments of Vieux par-Chemins, and said that he was a man of good
+parts. Then he made his memorable decree, that if, as this beggar
+declared, he had need of such gratification at his age he gave
+permission to prove it at the foot of the ladder which he would have
+to mount to be hanged, according to the sentence already passed on him
+by the provost; that if then, the rope being round his neck, between
+the priest and the hangman, a like desire seized him he should have a
+free pardon.
+
+This decree becoming known, there was a tremendous crowd to see the
+old fellow led to the gallows. There was a line drawn up as if for a
+ducal entry, and in it many more bonnets than hats. Vieux par-Chemins
+was saved by a lady curious to see how this precious violator would
+finish his career. She told the duke that religion demanded that he
+should have a fair chance. And she dressed herself as if for a ball;
+she brought intentionally into evidence two hillocks of such snowy
+whiteness that the whitest linen neckerchief would have paled before
+them; indeed, these fruits of love stood out, without a wrinkle, over
+her corset, like two beautiful apples, and made one’s mouth water, so
+exquisite were they. This noble lady, who was one of those who rouse
+one’s manhood, had a smile ready on her lips for the old fellow. Vieux
+par-Chemins, dressed in garments of coarse cloth, more certain of
+being in the desired state after hanging than before it, came along
+between the officers of justice with a sad countenance, glancing now
+here and there, and seeing nothing but head-dresses; and he would he
+declared, have given a hundred crowns for a girl tucked up as was the
+cowherdess, whose charms, though they had been his ruin, he still
+remembered, and they might still have saved him; but, as he was old,
+the remembrance was not sufficiently recent. But when, at the foot of
+the ladder, he saw the twin charms of the lady, and the pretty delta
+that their confluent rotundities produced, the sight so much excited
+him that his emotion was patent to the spectators.
+
+“Make haste and see that the required conditions are fulfilled,” said
+he to the officers. “I have gained my pardon but I cannot answer for
+my saviour.”
+
+The lady was well pleased with this homage, which, she said, was
+greater than his offence. The guards, whose business it was to proceed
+to a verification, believed the culprit to be the devil, because never
+in their wits had they seen an “I” so perpendicular as was the old
+man. He was marched in triumph through the town to the palace of the
+duke, to whom the guards and others stated the facts. In that period
+of ignorance, this affair was thought so much of that the town voted
+the erection of a column on the spot where the old fellow gained his
+pardon, and he was portrayed thereon in stone in the attitude he
+assumed at the sight of that honest and virtuous lady. The statue was
+still to be seen when Rouen was taken by the English, and the writers
+of the period have included this history among the notable events of
+the reign.
+
+As the town offered to supply the old man with all he required, and
+see to his sustenance, clothing, and amusements, the good duke
+arranged matters by giving the injured maiden a thousand crowns and
+marrying her to her seducer, who then lost his name of Vieux
+par-Chemins. He was named by the duke the Sieur de Bonne-C------.
+This wife was confined nine months afterwards of a perfectly formed
+male child, alive and kicking, and born with two teeth. From this
+marriage came the house of Bonne-C------, who from motives modest but
+wrong, besought our well-beloved King Louis Eleventh to grant them
+letters patent to change their names into that of Bonne-Chose. The
+king pointed out to the Sieur de Bonne-C------ that there was in the
+state of Venice an illustrious family named Coglioni, who wore three
+“C------ au natural” on their coat of arms. The gentlemen of the House
+of Bonne-C------ stated to the king that their wives were ashamed to
+be thus called in public assemblies; the king answered that they would
+lose a great deal, because there is a great deal in a name.
+Nevertheless, he granted the letters. After that this race was known
+by this name, and founded families in many provinces. The first Sieur
+de Bonne-C------ lived another 27 years, and had another son and two
+daughters. But he grieved much at becoming rich, and no longer being
+able to pick up a living in the street.
+
+From this you can obtain finer lessons and higher morals than from any
+story you will read all your life long--of course excepting these
+hundred glorious Droll Tales--namely, that never could adventure of
+this sort have happened to the impaired and ruined constitutions of
+court rascals, rich people and others who dig their graves with their
+teeth by over-eating and drinking many wines that impair the
+implements of happiness; which said over-fed people were lolling
+luxuriously in costly draperies and on feather beds, while the Sieur
+de Bonne-Chose was roughing it. In a similar situation, if they had
+eaten cabbage, it would have given them the diarrhoea. This may incite
+many of those who read this story to change their mode of life, in
+order to imitate Vieux par-Chemins in his old age.
+
+
+
+                   ODD SAYINGS OF THREE PILGRIMS
+
+When the pope left his good town of Avignon to take up his residence
+in Rome, certain pilgrims were thrown out who had set out for this
+country, and would have to pass the high Alps, in order to gain this
+said town of Rome, where they were going to seek the _remittimus_ of
+various sins. Then were to be seen on the roads, and the hostelries,
+those who wore the order of Cain, otherwise the flower of the
+penitents, all wicked fellows, burdened with leprous souls, which
+thirsted to bathe in the papal piscina, and all carrying with them
+gold or precious things to purchase absolution, pay for their beds,
+and present to the saints. You may be sure that those who drank water
+going, on their return, if the landlords gave them water, wished it to
+be the holy water of the cellar.
+
+At this time the three pilgrims came to this said Avignon to their
+injury, seeing that it was widowed of the pope. While they were
+passing the Rhodane, to reach the Mediterranean coast, one of the
+three pilgrims, who had with him a son about 10 years of age, parted
+company with the others, and near the town of Milan suddenly appeared
+again, but without the boy. Now in the evening, at supper, they had a
+hearty feast in order to celebrate the return of the pilgrim, who they
+thought had become disgusted with penitence through the pope not being
+in Avignon. Of these three roamers to Rome, one had come from the city
+of Paris, the other from Germany, and the third, who doubtless wished
+to instruct his son on the journey, had his home in the duchy of
+Burgundy, in which he had certain fiefs, and was a younger son of the
+house of Villers-la-Faye (Villa in Fago), and was named La Vaugrenand.
+The German baron had met the citizen of Paris just past Lyons, and
+both had accosted the Sire de la Vaugrenand in sight of Avignon.
+
+Now in this hostelry the three pilgrims loosened their tongues, and
+agreed to journey to Rome together, in order the better to resist the
+foot pads, the night-birds, and other malefactors, who made it their
+business to ease pilgrims of that which weighed upon their bodies
+before the pope eased them of that which weighed upon their
+consciences. After drinking the three companions commenced to talk
+together, for the bottle is the key of conversation, and each made
+this confession--that the cause of his pilgrimage was a woman. The
+servant who watched their drinking, told them that of a hundred
+pilgrims who stopped in the locality, ninety-nine were travelling from
+the same thing. These three wise men then began to consider how
+pernicious is woman to man. The Baron showed the heavy gold chain that
+he had in his hauberk to present to Saint Peter, and said his crime
+was such that he would not get rid of with the value of two such
+chains. The Parisian took off his glove, and exposed a ring set with a
+white diamond, saying that he had a hundred like it for the pope. The
+Burgundian took off his hat, and exhibited two wonderful pearls, that
+were beautiful ear-pendants for Notre-Dame-de-Lorette, and candidly
+confessed that he would rather have left them round his wife’s neck.
+
+Thereupon the servant exclaimed that their sins must have been as
+great as those of Visconti.
+
+Then the pilgrims replied that they were such that they had made a
+solemn vow in their minds never to go astray again during the
+remainder of their days, however beautiful the woman might be, and
+this in addition to the penance which the pope might impose upon them.
+
+Then the servant expressed her astonishment that all had made the same
+vow. The Burgundian added, that this vow had been the cause of his
+lagging behind, because he had been in extreme fear that his son, in
+spite of his age, might go astray, and that he had made a vow to
+prevent people and beasts alike gratifying their passions in his
+house, or upon his estates. The baron having inquired the particulars
+of the adventure, the sire narrated the affair as follows:--
+
+“You know that the good Countess Jeane d’Avignon made formerly a law
+for the harlots, who she compelled to live in the outskirts of the
+town in houses with window-shutters painted red and closed. Now
+passing in my company in this vile neighbourhood, my lad remarked
+these houses with closed window-shutters, painted red, and his
+curiosity being aroused--for these ten-year old little devils have
+eyes for everything--he pulled me by the sleeve and kept on pulling
+until he had learnt from me what these houses were. Then, to obtain
+peace, I told him that young lads had nothing to do with such places,
+and could only enter them at the peril of their lives, because it was
+a place where men and women were manufactured, and the danger was such
+for anyone unacquainted with the business that if a novice entered,
+flying chancres and other wild beasts would seize upon his face. Fear
+seized the lad, who then followed me to the hostelry in a state of
+agitation, and not daring to cast his eyes upon the said bordels.
+While I was in the stable, seeing to the putting up of the horses, my
+son went off like a robber, and the servant was unable to tell me what
+had become of him. Then I was in great fear of the wenches, but had
+confidence in the laws, which forbade them to admit such children. At
+supper-time the rascal came back to me looking no more ashamed of
+himself than did our divine Saviour in the temple among the doctors.
+
+“‘Whence comes you?’ said I to him.
+
+“‘From the houses with the red shutters,’ he replied.
+
+“‘Little blackguard,’ said I, ‘I’ll give you a taste of the whip.’
+
+“Then he began to moan and cry. I told him that if he would confess
+all that had happened to him I would let him off the beating.
+
+“‘Ha,’ said he, ‘I took care not to go in, because of the flying
+chancres and other wild beasts. I only looked through the chinks of
+the windows, in order to see how men were manufactured.’
+
+“‘And what did you see?’ I asked.
+
+“‘I saw,’ said he, ‘a fine woman just being finished, because she only
+wanted one peg, which a young worker was fitting in with energy.
+Directly she was finished she turned round, spoke to, and kissed her
+manufacturer.’
+
+“‘Have your supper,’ said I; and the same night I returned into
+Burgundy, and left him with his mother, being sorely afraid that at
+the first town he might want to fit a peg into some girl.”
+
+“These children often make these sort of answers,” said the Parisian.
+“One of my neighbour’s children revealed the cuckoldom of his father
+by a reply. One day I asked, to see if he was well instructed at
+school in religious matters, ‘What is hope?’ ‘One of the king’s big
+archers, who comes here when father goes out,’ said he. Indeed, the
+sergeant of the Archers was named Hope. My friend was dumbfounded at
+this, and, although to keep his countenance he looked in the mirror,
+he could not see his horns there.”
+
+The baron observed that the boy’s remark was good in this way: that
+Hope is a person who comes to bed with us when the realities of life
+are out of the way.
+
+“Is a cuckold made in the image of God?” asked the Burgundian.
+
+“No,” said the Parisian, “because God was wise in this respect, that
+he took no wife; therefore is He happy through all eternity.”
+
+“But,” said the maid-servant, “cuckolds are made in the image of God
+before they are horned.”
+
+Then the three pilgrims began to curse women, saying that they were
+the cause of all the evils in the world.
+
+“Their heads are as empty as helmets,” said the Burgundian.
+
+“Their hearts are as straight as bill-hooks,” said the Parisian.
+
+“Why are there so many men pilgrims and so few women pilgrims?” said
+the German baron.
+
+“Their cursed member never sins,” replied the Parisian; “it knows
+neither father nor mother, the commandments of God, nor those of the
+Church, neither laws divine or human: their member knows no doctrine,
+understands no heresies, and cannot be blamed; it is innocent of all,
+and always on the laugh; its understanding is nil; and for this reason
+do I hold it in utter detestation.”
+
+“I also,” said the Burgundian, “and I begin to understand the
+different reading by a learned man of the verses of the Bible, in
+which the account of the creation is given. In this Commentary, which
+in my country we call a Noel, lies the reason of imperfection of this
+feature of women, of which, different to that of other females, no man
+can slake the thirst, such diabolical heat existing there. In this
+Noel is stated that the Lord God, having turned his head to look at a
+donkey, who had brayed for the first time in his Paradise, while he
+was manufacturing Eve, the devil seized this moment to put his finger
+into this divine creature, and made a warm wound, which the Lord took
+care to close with a stitch, from which comes the maid. By means of
+this frenum, the woman should remain closed, and children be made in
+the same manner in which God made the angels, by a pleasure far above
+carnal pleasure as the heaven is above the earth. Observing this
+closing, the devil, wild at being done, pinched the Sieur Adam, who
+was asleep, by the skin, and stretched a portion of it out in
+imitation of his diabolical tail; but as the father of man was on his
+back this appendage came out in front. Thus these two productions of
+the devil had the desire to reunite themselves, following the law of
+similarities which God had laid down for the conduct of the world.
+From this came the first sin and the sorrows of the human race,
+because God, noticing the devil’s work, determined to see what would
+come of it.”
+
+The servant declared that they were quite correct in the statements,
+for that woman was a bad animal, and that she herself knew some who
+were better under the ground than on it. The pilgrims, noticing then
+how pretty the girl was, were afraid of breaking their vows, and went
+straight to bed. The girl went and told her mistress she was
+harbouring infidels, and told her what they had said about women.
+
+“Ah!” said the landlady, “what matters it to me the thoughts my
+customers have in their brains, so long as their purses are well
+filled.”
+
+And when the servant had told of the jewels, she exclaimed--
+
+“Ah, these are questions which concern all women. Let us go and reason
+with them. I’ll take the nobles, you can have the citizen.”
+
+The landlady, who was the most shameless inhabitant of the duchy of
+Milan, went into the chamber where the Sire de La Vaugrenand and the
+German baron were sleeping, and congratulated them upon their vows,
+saying that the women would not lose much by them; but to accomplish
+these said vows it was necessary they should endeavour to withstand
+the strongest temptations. Then she offered to lie down beside them,
+so anxious were she to see if she would be left unmolested, a thing
+which had never happened to her yet in the company of a man.
+
+On the morrow, at breakfast, the servant had the ring on her finger,
+her mistress had the gold chain and the pearl earrings. The three
+pilgrims stayed in the town about a month, spending there all the
+money they had in their purses, and agreed that if they had spoken so
+severely of women it was because they had not known those of Milan.
+
+On his return to Germany the Baron made this observation: that he was
+only guilty of one sin, that of being in his castle. The Citizen of
+Paris came back full of stories for his wife, and found her full of
+Hope. The Burgundian saw Madame de La Vaugrenand so troubled that he
+nearly died of the consolations he administered to her, in spite of
+his former opinions. This teaches us to hold our tongues in
+hostelries.
+
+
+
+                             INNOCENCE
+
+By the double crest of my fowl, and by the rose lining of my
+sweetheart’s slipper! By all the horns of well-beloved cuckolds, and
+by the virtue of their blessed wives! the finest work of man is
+neither poetry, nor painted pictures, nor music, nor castles, nor
+statues, be they carved never so well, nor rowing, nor sailing
+galleys, but children.
+
+Understand me, children up to the age of ten years, for after that
+they become men or women, and cutting their wisdom teeth, are not
+worth what they cost; the worst are the best. Watch them playing,
+prettily and innocently, with slippers; above all, cancellated ones,
+with the household utensils, leaving that which displeases them,
+crying after that which pleases them, munching the sweets and
+confectionery in the house, nibbling at the stores, and always
+laughing as soon as their teeth are cut, and you will agree with me
+that they are in every way lovable; besides which they are flower and
+fruit--the fruit of love, the flower of life. Before their minds have
+been unsettled by the disturbances of life, there is nothing in this
+world more blessed or more pleasant than their sayings, which are
+naive beyond description. This is as true as the double chewing
+machine of a cow. Do not expect a man to be innocent after the manner
+of children, because there is an, I know not what, ingredient of
+reason in the naivety of a man, while the naivety of children is
+candid, immaculate, and has all the finesse of the mother, which is
+plainly proved in this tale.
+
+Queen Catherine was at that time Dauphine, and to make herself welcome
+to the king, her father-in-law, who at that time was very ill indeed,
+presented him, from time to time, with Italian pictures, knowing that
+he liked them much, being a friend of the Sieur Raphael d’Urbin and of
+the Sieurs Primatice and Leonardo da Vinci, to whom he sent large sums
+of money. She obtained from her family--who had the pick of these
+works, because at that time the Duke of the Medicis governed Tuscany
+--a precious picture, painted by a Venetian named Titian (artist to
+the Emperor Charles, and in very high flavour), in which there were
+portraits of Adam and Eve at the moment when God left them to wander
+about the terrestrial Paradise, and were painted their full height, in
+the costume of the period, in which it is difficult to make a mistake,
+because they were attired in their ignorance, and caparisoned with the
+divine grace which enveloped them--a difficult thing to execute on
+account of the colour, but one in which the said Sieur Titian
+excelled. The picture was put into the room of the poor king, who was
+then ill with the disease of which he eventually died. It had a great
+success at the Court of France, where everyone wished to see it; but
+no one was able to until after the king’s death, since at his desire
+it was allowed to remain in his room as long as he lived.
+
+One day Madame Catherine took with her to the king’s room her son
+Francis and little Margot, who began to talk at random, as children
+will. Now here, now there, these children had heard this picture of
+Adam and Eve spoken about, and had tormented their mother to take them
+there. Since the two little ones at times amused the old king, Madame
+the Dauphine consented to their request.
+
+“You wished to see Adam and Eve, who were our first parents; there
+they are,” said she.
+
+Then she left them in great astonishment before Titian’s picture, and
+seated herself by the bedside of the king, who delighted to watch the
+children.
+
+“Which of the two is Adam?” said Francis, nudging his sister Margot’s
+elbow.
+
+“You silly!” replied she, “to know that, they would have to be
+dressed!”
+
+This reply, which delighted the poor king and the mother, was
+mentioned in a letter written in Florence by Queen Catherine.
+
+No writer having brought it to light, it will remain, like a sweet
+flower, in a corner of these Tales, although it is no way droll, and
+there is no other moral to be drawn from it except that to hear these
+pretty speeches of infancy one must beget the children.
+
+
+
+                      THE FAIR IMPERIA MARRIED
+
+I
+HOW MADAME IMPERIA WAS CAUGHT BY THE VERY NET SHE WAS
+ACCUSTOMED TO SPREAD FOR HER LOVE-BIRDS
+
+The lovely lady Imperia, who gloriously opens these tales, because she
+was the glory of her time, was compelled to come into the town of
+Rome, after the holding of the council, for the cardinal of Ragusa
+loved her more than his cardinal’s hat, and wished to have her near
+him. This rascal was so magnificent, that he presented her with the
+beautiful palace that he had in the Papal capital. About this time she
+had the misfortune to find herself in an interesting condition by this
+cardinal. As everyone knows, this pregnancy finished with a fine
+little daughter, concerning whom the Pope said jokingly that she
+should be named Theodora, as if to say The Gift Of God. The girl was
+thus named, and was exquisitely lovely. The cardinal left his
+inheritance to this Theodora, whom the fair Imperia established in her
+hotel, for she was flying from Rome as from a pernicious place, where
+children were begotten, and where she had nearly spoiled her beautiful
+figure, her celebrated perfections, lines of the body, curves of the
+back, delicious breasts, and Serpentine charms which placed her as
+much above the other women of Christendom as the Holy Father was above
+all other Christians. But all her lovers knew that with the assistance
+of eleven doctors of Padua, seven master surgeons of Pavia, and five
+surgeons come from all parts, who assisted at her confinement, she was
+preserved from all injury. Some go so far as to say that she gained
+therein superfineness and whiteness of skin. A famous man, of the
+school of Salerno, wrote a book on the subject, to show the value of a
+confinement for the freshness, health, preservation, and beauty of
+women. In this very learned book it was clearly proved to readers that
+that which was beautiful to see in Imperia, was that which it was
+permissible for lovers alone to behold; a rare case then, for she did
+not disarrange her attire for the petty German princes whom she called
+her margraves, burgraves, electors, and dukes, just as a captain ranks
+his soldiers.
+
+Everyone knows that when she was eighteen years of age, the lovely
+Theodora, to atone for her mother’s gay life, wished to retire into
+the bosom of the Church. With this idea she placed herself in the
+hands of a cardinal, in order that he might instruct her in the duties
+of the devout. This wicked shepherd found the lamb so magnificently
+beautiful that he attempted to debauch her. Theodora instantly stabbed
+herself with a stiletto, in order not to be contaminated by the
+evil-minded priest. This adventure, which was consigned to the history
+of the period, made a great commotion in Rome, and was deplored by
+everyone, so much was the daughter of Imperia beloved.
+
+Then this noble courtesan, much afflicted, returned to Rome, there to
+weep for her poor daughter. She set out in the thirty-ninth year of
+her age, which was, according to some authors, the summer of her
+magnificent beauty, because then she had obtained the acme of
+perfection, like ripe fruit. Sorrow made her haughty and hard with
+those who spoke to her of love, in order to dry her tears. The pope
+himself visited her in her palace, and gave her certain words of
+admonition. But she refused to be comforted, saying that she would
+henceforth devote herself to God, because she had never yet been
+satisfied by any man, although she had ardently desired it; and all of
+them, even a little priest, whom she had adored like a saint’s shrine,
+had deceived her. God, she was sure, would not do so.
+
+This resolution disconcerted many, for she was the joy of a vast
+number of lords. So that people ran about the streets of Rome crying
+out, “Where is Madame Imperia? Is she going to deprive the world of
+love?” Some of the ambassadors wrote to their masters on the subject.
+The Emperor of the Romans was much cut up about it, because he had
+loved her to distraction for eleven weeks; had left her only to go to
+the wars, and loved her still as much as his most precious member,
+which according to his own statement, was his eye, for that alone
+embraced the whole of his dear Imperia. In this extremity the Pope
+sent for a Spanish physician, and conducted him to the beautiful
+creature, to whom he proved, by various arguments, adorned with Latin
+and Greek quotations, that beauty is impaired by tears and
+tribulation, and that through sorrow’s door wrinkles step in. This
+proposition, confirmed by the doctors of the Holy College in
+controversy, had the effect of opening the doors of the palace that
+same evening. The young cardinals, the foreign envoys, the wealthy
+inhabitants, and the principal men of the town of Rome came, crowded
+the rooms, and held a joyous festival; the common people made grand
+illuminations, and thus the whole population celebrated the return of
+the Queen of Pleasure to her occupation, for she was at that time the
+presiding deity of Love. The experts in all the arts loved her much,
+because she spent considerable sums of money improving the Church in
+Rome, which contained poor Theodora’s tomb, which was destroyed during
+that pillage of Rome in which perished the traitorous constable of
+Bourbon, for this holy maiden was placed therein in a massive coffin
+of gold and silver, which the cursed soldiers were anxious to obtain.
+The basilic cost, it is said, more than the pyramid erected by the
+Lady Rhodepa, an Egyptian courtesan, eighteen hundred years before the
+coming of our divine Saviour, which proves the antiquity of this
+pleasant occupation, the extravagant prices which the wise Egyptians
+paid for their pleasures, and how things deteriorate, seeing that now
+for a trifle you can have a chemise full of female loveliness in the
+Rue du Petit-Heulen, at Paris. Is it not abomination?
+
+Never had Madame Imperia appeared so lovely as at this first gala
+after her mourning. All the princes, cardinals, and others declared
+that she was worthy the homage of the whole world, which was there
+represented by a noble from every known land, and thus was it amply
+demonstrated that beauty was in every place queen of everything.
+
+The envoy of the King of France, who was a cadet of the house of l’Ile
+Adam, arrived late, although he had never yet seen Imperia, and was
+most anxious to do so. He was a handsome young knight, much in favour
+with his sovereign, in whose court he had a mistress, whom he loved
+with infinite tenderness, and who was the daughter of Monsieur de
+Montmorency, a lord whose domains bordered upon those of the house of
+l’Ile Adam. To this penniless cadet the king had given certain
+missions to the duchy of Milan, of which he had acquitted himself so
+well that he was sent to Rome to advance the negotiations concerning
+which historians have written so much in their books. Now if he had
+nothing of his own, poor little l’Ile Adam relied upon so good a
+beginning. He was slightly built, but upright as a column, dark, with
+black, glistening eyes; and a man not easily taken in; but concealing
+his finesse, he had the air of an innocent child, which made him
+gentle and amiable as a laughing maiden. Directly this gentleman
+joined her circle, and her eyes had rested upon him, Madame Imperia
+felt herself bitten by a strong desire, which stretched the harp
+strings of her nature, and produced therefrom a sound she had not
+heard for many a day. She was seized with such a vertigo of true love
+at the sight of this freshness of youth, that but for her imperial
+dignity she would have kissed the good cheeks which shone like little
+apples.
+
+Now take note of this; that so called modest women, and ladies whose
+skirts bear their armorial bearings, are thoroughly ignorant of the
+nature of man, because they keep to one alone, like the Queen of
+France who believed all men had ulcers in the nose because the king
+had; but a great courtesan, like Madame Imperia, knew man to his core,
+because she had handled a great many. In her retreat, everyone came
+out in his true colours, and concealed nothing, thinking to himself
+that he would not be long with her. Having often deplored this
+subjection, sometimes she would remark that she suffered from pleasure
+more than she suffered from pain. There was the dark shadow of her
+life. You may be sure that a lover was often compelled to part with a
+nice little heap of crowns in order to pass the night with her, and
+was reduced to desperation by a refusal. Now for her it was a joyful
+thing to feel a youthful desire, like that she had for the little
+priest, whose story commences this collection; but because she was
+older than in those merry days, love was more fully established in
+her, and she soon perceived that it was of a fiery nature when it
+began to make itself felt; indeed, she suffered in her skin like a cat
+that is being scorched, and so much so that she had an intense longing
+to spring upon this gentleman, and bear him in triumph to her nest, as
+a kite does its prey, but with great difficulty she restrained
+herself. When he came and bowed to her, she threw back her head, and
+assumed a most dignified attitude, as do those who have a love
+infatuation in their hearts. The gravity of her demeanour to the young
+ambassador caused many to think that she had work in store for him;
+equivocating on the word, after the custom of the time.
+
+L’Ile Adam, knowing himself to be dearly loved by his mistress,
+troubled himself but little about Madame Imperia, grave or gay, and
+frisked about like a goat let loose. The courtesan, terribly annoyed
+at this, changed her tone, from being sulky became gay and lively,
+came to him, softened her voice, sharpened her glance, gracefully
+inclined her head, rubbed against him with her sleeve, and called him
+Monsiegneur, embraced him with the loving words, trifled with his
+hand, and finished by smiling at him most affably. He, not imagining
+that so unprofitable a lover would suit her, for he was as poor as a
+church mouse, and did not know that his beauty was the equal in her
+eyes to all the treasures of the world, was not taken in her trap, but
+continued to ride the high horse with his hand on his hips. This
+disdain of her passion irritated Madame to the heart, which by this
+spark was set in flame. If you doubt this, it is because you know
+nothing of the profession of the Madame Imperia, who by reason of it
+might be compared to a chimney, in which a great number of fires have
+been lighted, which had filled it with soot; in this state a match was
+sufficient to burn everything there, where a hundred fagots has smoked
+comfortably. She burned within from top to toe in a horrible manner,
+and could not be extinguished save with the water of love. The cadet
+of l’Ile Adam left the room without noticing this ardour.
+
+Madame, disconsolate at his departure, lost her senses from her head
+to her feet, and so thoroughly that she sent a messenger to him on the
+galleries, begging him to pass the night with her. On no other
+occasion of her life had she had this cowardice, either for king,
+pope, or emperor, since the high price of her favours came from the
+bondage in which she held her admirers, whom the more she humbled the
+more she raised herself. The disdainful hero of this history was
+informed by the head chamber-women, who was a clever jade, that in all
+probability a great treat awaited him, for most certainly Madame would
+regale him with her most delicate inventions of love. L’Ile Adam
+returned to the salons, delighted at this lucky chance. Directly the
+envoy of France reappeared, as everyone had seen Imperia turn pale at
+his departure, the general joy knew no bounds, because everyone was
+delighted to see her return to her old life of love. An English
+cardinal, who had drained more than one big-bellied flagon, and wished
+to taste Imperia, went to l’Ile Adam and whispered to him, “Hold her
+fast, so that she shall never again escape us.”
+
+The story of this remark was told to the pope at his levee, and caused
+him to remark, _Laetamini, gentes, quoniam surrexit Dominus_. A
+quotation which the old cardinals abominated as a profanation of
+sacred texts. Seeing which, the pope reprimanded them severely, and
+took occasion to lecture them, telling them that if they were good
+Christians they were bad politicians. Indeed, he relied upon the fair
+Imperia to reclaim the emperor, and with this idea he syringed her
+well with flattery.
+
+The lights of the palace being extinguished, the golden flagons on the
+floor, and the servants drunk and stretched about on the carpets,
+Madame entered her bedchamber, leading by the hand her dear
+lover-elect; and she was well pleased, and has since confessed that so
+strongly was she bitten with love, she could hardly restrain herself
+from rolling at his feet like a beast of the field, begging him to
+crush her beneath him if he could. L’Ile Adam slipped off his
+garments, and tumbled into bed as if he were in his own house. Seeing
+which, Madame hastened her preparations, and sprang into her lover’s
+arms with a frenzy that astonished her women, who knew her to be
+ordinarily one of the most modest of women on these occasions. The
+astonishment became general throughout the country, for the pair
+remained in bed for nine days, eating, drinking, and embracing in a
+marvellous and most masterly manner. Madame told her women that at
+last she had placed her hand on a phoenix of love, since he revived
+from every attack. Nothing was talked of in Rome and Italy but the
+victory that had been gained over Imperia, who had boasted that she
+would yield to no man, and spat upon all of them, even the dukes. As
+to the aforesaid margraves and burgraves, she gave them the tail of
+her dress to hold, and said that if she did not tread them under foot,
+they would trample upon her. Madame confessed to her servants that,
+differently to all other men she had had to put up with, the more she
+fondled this child of love, the more she desired to do so, and that
+she would never be able to part with him; nor his splendid eyes, which
+blinded her; nor his branch of coral, that she always hungered after.
+She further declared that if such were his desire, she would let him
+suck her blood, eat her breasts--which were the most lovely in the
+world--and cut her tresses, of which she had only given a single one
+to the Emperor of the Romans, who kept it in his breast, like a
+precious relic; finally, she confessed that on that night only had
+life begun for her, because the embrace of Villiers de l’Ile Adam sent
+the blood to her in three bounds and in a brace of shakes.
+
+These expressions becoming known, made everyone very miserable.
+Directly she went out, Imperia told the ladies of Rome that she should
+die it if she were deserted by this gentleman, and would cause
+herself, like Queen Cleopatra, to be bitten by an asp. She declared
+openly that she had bidden an eternal adieu her to her former gay
+life, and would show the whole world what virtue was by abandoning her
+empire for this Villiers de l’Ile Adam, whose servant she would rather
+be than reign of Christendom. The English cardinal remonstrated with
+the pope that this love for one, in the heart of a woman who was the
+joy of all, was an infamous depravity, and that he ought with a brief
+_in partibus_, to annul this marriage, which robbed the fashionable
+world of its principal attraction. But the love of this poor woman,
+who had confessed the miseries of her life, was so sweet a thing, and
+so moved the most dissipated heart, that she silenced all clamour, and
+everyone forgave her her happiness. One day, during Lent, Imperia made
+her people fast, and ordered them to go and confess, and return to
+God. She herself went and fell at the pope’s feet, and there showed
+such penitence, that she obtained from him remission of all her sins,
+believing that the absolution of the pope would communicate to her
+soul that virginity which she was grieved at being unable to offer her
+lover. It is impossible to help thinking that there was some virtue in
+the ecclesiastical piscina, for the poor cadet was so smothered with
+love that he fancied himself in Paradise, and left the negotiations of
+the King of France, left his love for Mademoiselle de Montmorency--in
+fact, left everything to marry Madame Imperia, in order that he might
+live and die with her. Such was the effect of the learned ways of this
+great lady of pleasure directly she turned her science to the root of
+a virtuous love. Imperia bade adieu to her admirers at a royal feast,
+given in honour of her wedding, which was a wonderful ceremony, at
+which all the Italian princes were present. She had, it is said, a
+million gold crowns; in spite of the vastness of this sum, every one
+far from blaming L’Ile Adam, paid him many compliments, because it was
+evident that neither Madame Imperia nor her young husband thought of
+anything but one. The pope blessed their marriage, and said that it
+was a fine thing to see the foolish virgin returning to God by the
+road of marriage.
+
+But during that last night in which it would be permissible for all to
+behold the Queen of Beauty, who was about to become a simple
+chatelaine of the kingdom of France, there were a great number of men
+who mourned for the merry nights, the suppers, the masked balls, the
+joyous games, and the melting hours, when each one emptied his heart
+to her. Everyone regretted the ease and freedom which had always been
+found in the residence of this lovely creature, who now appeared more
+tempting than she had ever done in her life, for the fervid heat of
+her great love made her glisten like a summer sun. Much did they
+lament the fact that she had had the sad fantasy to become a
+respectable woman. To these Madame de l’Ile Adam answered jestingly,
+that after twenty-four years passed in the service of the public, she
+had a right to retire. Others said to her, that however distant the
+sun was, people could warm themselves in it, while she would show
+herself no more. To these she replied that she would still have smiles
+to bestow upon those lords who would come and see how she played the
+role of a virtuous woman. To this the English envoy answered, he
+believed her capable of pushing virtue to its extreme point. She gave
+a present to each of her friends, and large sums to the poor and
+suffering of Rome; besides this, she left to the convent where her
+daughter was to have been, and to the church she had built, the wealth
+she had inherited from Theodora, which came from the cardinal of
+Ragusa.
+
+When the two spouses set out they were accompanied a long way by
+knights in mourning, and even by the common people, who wished them
+every happiness, because Madame Imperia had been hard on the rich
+only, and had always been kind and gentle with the poor. This lovely
+queen of love was hailed with acclamations throughout the journey in
+all the towns of Italy where the report of her conversion had spread,
+and where everyone was curious to see pass, a case so rare as two such
+spouses. Several princes received this handsome couple at their
+courts, saying it was but right to show honour to this woman who had
+the courage to renounce her empire over the world of fashion, to
+become a virtuous woman. But there was an evil-minded fellow, one my
+lord Duke of Ferrara, who said to l’Ile Adam that his great fortune
+had not cost him much. At this first offence Madame Imperia showed
+what a good heart she had, for she gave up all the money she had
+received from her lovers, to ornament the dome of St. Maria del Fiore,
+in the town of Florence, which turned the laugh against the Sire
+d’Este, who boasted that he had built a church in spite of the empty
+condition of his purse. You may be sure he was reprimanded for this
+joke by his brother the cardinal.
+
+The fair Imperia only kept her own wealth and that which the Emperor
+had bestowed upon her out of pure friendship since his departure, the
+amount of which was however, considerable. The cadet of l’Ile Adam had
+a duel with the duke, in which he wounded him. Thus neither Madame de
+l’Ile Adam, nor her husband could be in any way reproached. This piece
+of chivalry caused her to be gloriously received in all places she
+passed through, especially in Piedmont, where the fetes were splendid.
+Verses which the poet then composed, such as sonnets, epithalamias,
+and odes, have been given in certain collections; but all poetry was
+weak in comparison with her, who was, according to an expression of
+Monsieur Boccaccio, poetry herself.
+
+The prize in this tourney of fetes and gallantry must be awarded to
+the good Emperor of the Romans, who, knowing of the misbehaviour of
+the Duke of Ferrara, dispatched an envoy to his old flame, charged
+with Latin manuscripts, in which he told her that he loved her so much
+for herself, that he was delighted to know that she was happy, but
+grieved to know that all her happiness was not derived from him; that
+he had lost his right to make her presents, but that, if the king of
+France received her coldly, he would think it an honour to acquire a
+Villiers to the holy empire, and would give him such principalities as
+he might choose from his domains. The fair Imperia replied that she
+was extremely obliged to the Emperor, but that had she to suffer
+contumely upon contumely in France, she still intended there to finish
+her days.
+
+
+II
+HOW THIS MARRIAGE ENDED
+
+Not knowing if it she would be received or not, the lady of l’Ile Adam
+would not go to court, but lived in the country, where her husband
+made a fine establishment, purchasing the manor of
+Beaumont-le-Vicomte, which gave rise to the equivoque upon his name,
+made by our well-beloved Rabelais, in his most magnificent book. He
+acquired also the domain of Nointel, the forest of Carenelle, St.
+Martin, and other places in the neighbourhood of the l’Ile Adam, where
+his brother Villiers resided. These said acquisitions made him the most
+powerful lord in the l’Ile de France and county of Paris. He built a
+wonderful castle near Beaumont, which was afterwards ruined by the
+English, and adorned it with the furniture, foreign tapestries, chests,
+pictures, statues, and curiosities, of his wife, who was a great
+connoisseur, which made this place equal to the most magnificent
+castles known.
+
+The happy pair led a life so envied by all, that nothing was talked
+about in Paris and at Court but this marriage, the good fortune of the
+Sire de Beaumont, and, above all, of the perfect, loyal, gracious, and
+religious life of his wife, who from habit many still called Madame
+Imperia; who was no longer proud and sharp as steel, but had the
+virtues and qualities of a respectable woman, and was an example in
+many things to a queen. She was much beloved by the Church on account
+of her great religion, for she had never once forgotten God, having,
+as she once said, spent much of her time with churchmen, abbots,
+bishops, and cardinals, who had sprinkled her well with holy water,
+and under the curtains worked her eternal salvation.
+
+The praises sung in honour of this lady had such an effect, that the
+king came to Beauvoisis to gaze upon this wonder, and did the sire the
+honour to sleep at Beaumont, remained there three days, and had a
+royal hunt there with the queen and the whole Court. You may be sure
+that he was surprised, as were also the queen, the ladies, and the
+Court, at the manners of this superb creature, who was proclaimed a
+lady of courtesy and beauty. The king first, then the queen, and
+afterwards every individual member of the company, complemented l’Ile
+Adam on having chosen such a wife. The modesty of the chatelaine did
+more than pride would have accomplished; for she was invited to court,
+and everywhere, so imperious was her great heart, so tyrannic her
+violent love for her husband. You may be sure that her charms, hidden
+under the garments of virtue, were none the less exquisite. The king
+gave the vacant post of lieutenant of the Ile de France and provost of
+Paris to his ancient ambassador, giving him the title of Viscount of
+Beaumont, which established him as governor of the whole province, and
+put him on an excellent footing at court. But this was the cause of a
+great wound in Madame’s heart, because a wretch, jealous of this
+unclouded happiness, asked her, playfully, if Beaumont had ever spoken
+to her of his first love, Mademoiselle de Montmorency, who at that
+time was twenty-two years of age, as she was sixteen at the time the
+marriage took place in Rome--the which young lady loved l’Ile Adam so
+much that she remained a maiden, would listen to no proposals of
+marriage, and was dying of a broken heart, unable to banish her
+perfidious lover from her remembrance and was desirous of entering the
+convent of Chelles. Madame Imperia, during the six years of her
+marriage, had never heard this name, and was sure from this fact that
+she was indeed beloved. You can imagine that this time had been passed
+as a single day, that both believed that they had only been married
+the evening before, and that each night was as a wedding night, and
+that if business took the knight out of doors, he was quite
+melancholy, being unwilling ever to have her out of his sight, and she
+was the same with him.
+
+The king, who was very partial to the viscount, also made a remark to
+him which stung him to the quick, when he said, “You have no
+children?”
+
+To which Beaumont replied, with the face of a man whose raw place you
+have touched with your finger, “Monsiegneur, my brother has; thus our
+line is safe.”
+
+Now it happened that his brother’s two children died suddenly--one
+from a fall from his horse at a tournament and the other from illness.
+Monsieur l’Ile Adam the elder was so stricken with grief at these two
+deaths that he expired soon after, so much did he love his two sons.
+By this means the manor of Beaumont, the property at Carenelle, St.
+Martin, Nointel, and the surrounding domains, were reunited to the
+manor of l’Ile Adam, and the neighbouring forests, and the cadet
+became the head of the house. At this time Madame was forty-five, and
+was still fit to bear children; but alas! she conceived not. As soon
+as she saw the lineage of l’Ile Adam destroyed, she was anxious to
+obtain offspring.
+
+Now, as during the seven years which had elapsed she had never once
+had the slightest hint of pregnancy, she believed, according to the
+statement of a clever physician whom she sent for from Paris, that
+this barrenness proceeded from the fact, that both she and her
+husband, always more lovers than spouses, allowed pleasure to
+interfere with business, and by this means engendering was prevented.
+Then she endeavoured to restrain her impetuosity, and to take things
+coolly, because the physician had explained to her that in a state of
+nature animals never failed to breed, because the females employed
+none of those artifices, tricks, and hanky-pankies with which women
+accommodate the olives of Poissy, and for this reason they thoroughly
+deserved the title of beasts. She promised him no longer to play with
+such a serious affair, and to forget all the ingenious devices in
+which she had been so fertile. But, alas! although she kept as quiet
+as that German woman who lay so still that her husband embraced her to
+death, and then went, poor baron, to obtain absolution from the pope,
+who delivered his celebrated brief, in which he requested the ladies
+of Franconia to be a little more lively, and prevent a repetition of
+such a crime. Madame de l’Ile Adam did not conceive, and fell into a
+state of great melancholy.
+
+Then she began to notice how thoughtful had become her husband, l’Ile
+Adam, whom she watched when he thought she was not looking, and who
+wept that he had no fruit of his great love. Soon this pair mingled
+their tears, for everything was common to the two in this fine
+household, and as they never left the other, the thought of the one
+was necessarily the thought of the other. When Madame beheld a poor
+person’s child she nearly died of grief, and it took her a whole day
+to recover. Seeing this great sorrow, l’Ile Adam ordered all children
+to be kept out of his wife’s sight, and said soothing things to her,
+such as that children often turned out badly; to which she replied,
+that a child made by those who loved so passionately would be the
+finest child in the world. He told her that her sons might perish,
+like those of his poor brother; to which she replied, that she would
+not let them stir further from her petticoats than a hen allows her
+chickens. In fact, she had an answer for everything.
+
+Madame caused a woman to be sent for who dealt in magic, and who was
+supposed to be learned in these mysteries, who told her that she had
+often seen women unable to conceive in spite of every effort, but yet
+they had succeeded by studying the manners and customs of animals.
+Madame took the beasts of the fields for her preceptors, but she did
+not increase in size; her flesh still remained firm and white as
+marble. She returned to the physical science of the master doctors of
+Paris, and sent for a celebrated Arabian physician, who had just
+arrived in France with a new science. Then this savant, brought up in
+the school of one Sieur Averroes, entered into certain medical
+details, and declared that the loose life she had formerly led had for
+ever ruined her chance of obtaining offspring. The physical reasons
+which he assigned were so contrary to the teaching of the holy books
+which establish the majesty of man, made in the image of his creator,
+and so contrary to the system upheld by sound sense and good doctrine,
+that the doctors of Paris laughed them to scorn. The Arabian physician
+left the school where his master, the Sieur Averroes, was unknown.
+
+The doctors told Madame, who had come to Paris, that she was to keep
+on as usual, since she had had during her gay life the lovely
+Theodora, by the cardinal of Ragusa, and that the right of having
+children remained with women as long as their blood circulated, and
+all that she had to do was to multiply the chances of conception. This
+advice appeared to her so good that she multiplied her victories, but
+it was only multiplying her defeats, since she obtained the flowers of
+love without its fruits.
+
+The poor afflicted woman wrote then to the pope, who loved her much,
+and told him of her sorrows. The good pope replied to her with a
+gracious homily, written with his own hand, in which he told her that
+when human science and things terrestrial had failed, we should turn
+to Heaven and implore the grace of God. Then she determined to go with
+naked feet, accompanied by her husband, to Notre Dame de Liesse,
+celebrated for her intervention in similar cases, and made a vow to
+build a magnificent cathedral in gratitude for the child. But she
+bruised and injured her pretty feet, and conceived nothing but a
+violent grief, which was so great that some of her lovely tresses fell
+off and some turned white.
+
+At last the faculty of making children was taken from her, which
+brought on the vapours consequent upon hypochondria, and caused her
+skin to turn yellow. She was then forty-nine years of age, and lived
+in her castle of l’Ile Adam, where she grew as thin as a leper in a
+lazar-house. The poor creature was all the more wretched because l’Ile
+Adam was still amorous, and as good as gold to her, who failed in her
+duty, because she had formerly been too free with the men, and was
+now, according to her own disdainful remark, only a cauldron to cook
+chitterlings.
+
+“Ha!” said she, one evening when these thoughts were tormenting her.
+“In spite of the Church, in spite of the king, in spite of everything,
+Madame de l’Ile Adam is still the wicked Imperia!”
+
+She fell into a violent passion when she saw this handsome gentleman
+have everything a man can desire, great wealth, royal favour,
+unequalled love, matchless wife, pleasure such as none other could
+produce, and yet fail in that which is dearest to the head of the
+house--namely, lineage. With this idea in her head, she wished to die,
+thinking how good and noble he had been to her, and how much she
+failed in her duty in not giving him children, and in being
+henceforward unable to do so. She hid her sorrow in the secret
+recesses of her heart, and conceived a devotion worthy her great love.
+To put into practice this heroic design she became still more amorous,
+took extreme care of her charms, and made use of learned precepts to
+maintain her bodily perfection, which threw out an incredible lustre.
+
+About this time the Sieur de Montmorency conquered the repulsion his
+daughter entertained for marriage, and her alliance with one Sieur de
+Chatillon was much talked about. Madame Imperia, who lived only three
+leagues distant from Montmorency, one day sent her husband out hunting
+in the forests, and set out towards the castle where the young lady
+lived. Arrived in the grounds she walked about there, telling a
+servant to inform her mistress that a lady had a most important
+communication to make to her, and that she had come to request an
+audience. Much interested by the account which she received by the
+beauty, courtesy, and manners of the unknown lady, Mademoiselle de
+Montmorency went in great haste into the gardens, and there met her
+rival, whom she did not know.
+
+“My dear,” said the poor woman, weeping to find the young maiden as
+beautiful as herself, “I know that they are trying to force you into a
+marriage with Monsieur de Chatillon, although you still love Monsieur
+de l’Ile Adam. Have confidence in the prophecy that I here make you,
+that he whom you have loved, and who only was false to you through a
+snare into which an angel might have fallen, will be free from the
+burden of his old wife before the leaves fall. Thus the constancy of
+your love will have its crown of flowers. Now have the courage to
+refuse this marriage they are arranging for you, and you may yet clasp
+your first and only love. Pledge me your word to love and cherish
+l’Ile Adam, who is the kindest of men; never to cause him a moment’s
+anguish, and tell him to reveal to you all the secrets of love
+invented by Madame Imperia, because, in practicing them, being young,
+you will be easily able to obliterate the remembrance of her from his
+mind.”
+
+Mademoiselle de Montmorency was so astonished that she could make no
+answer, and let this queen of beauty depart, and believed her to be a
+fairy, until a workman told her that the fairy was Madame de l’Ile
+Adam. Although the adventure was inexplicable, she told her father
+that she would not give her consent to the proposed marriage until
+after the autumn, so much is it in the nature of Love to ally itself
+with Hope, in spite of the bitter pills which this deceitful and
+gracious, companion gives her to swallow like bull’s eyes. During the
+months when the grapes are gathered, Imperia would not let l’Ile Adam
+leave her, and was so amorous that one would have imagined she wished
+to kill him, since l’Ile Adam felt as though he had a fresh bride in
+his arms every night. The next morning the good woman requested him to
+keep the remembrance of these joys in his heart.
+
+Then, to know what her lover’s real thoughts on the subject were she
+said to him, “Poor l’Ile Adam, we were very silly to marry--a lad like
+you, with your twenty-three years, and an old woman close to 40.”
+
+He answered her, that his happiness was such that he was the envy of
+every one, that at her age her equal did not exist among the younger
+women, and that if ever she grew old he would love her wrinkles,
+believing that even in the tomb she would be lovely, and her skeleton
+lovable.
+
+To these answers, which brought the tears into her eyes, she one
+morning answered maliciously, that Mademoiselle de Montmorency was
+very lovely and very faithful. This speech forced l’Ile Adam to tell
+her that she pained him by telling him of the only wrong he had ever
+committed in his life--the breaking of the troth pledged to his first
+sweetheart, all love for whom he had since effaced from his heart.
+This candid speech made her seize him and clasp him to her heart,
+affected at the loyalty of his discourse on a subject from which many
+would have shrunk.
+
+“My dear love,” said she, “for a long time past I have been suffering
+from a retraction of the heart, which has always since my youth been
+dangerous to my life, and in this opinion the Arabian physician
+coincides. If I die, I wish you to make the most binding oath a knight
+can make, to wed Mademoiselle Montmorency. I am so certain of dying,
+that I leave my property to you only on condition that this marriage
+takes place.”
+
+Hearing this, l’Ile Adam turned pale, and felt faint at the mere
+thought of an eternal separation from his good wife.
+
+“Yes, dear treasure of love,” continued she. “I am punished by God
+there where my sins were committed, for the great joys that I feel
+dilate my heart, and have, according to the Arabian doctor, weakened
+the vessels which in a moment of excitement will burst; but I have
+always implored God to take my life at the age in which I now am,
+because I would not see my charms marred by the ravages of time.”
+
+This great and noble woman saw then how well she was beloved. This is
+how she obtained the greatest sacrifice of love that ever was made
+upon this earth. She alone knew what a charm existed in the embraces,
+fondlings, and raptures of the conjugal bed, which were such that poor
+l’Ile Adam would rather have died than allow himself to be deprived of
+the amorous delicacies she knew so well how to prepare. At this
+confession made by her that, in the excitement of love her heart would
+burst, the chevalier cast himself at her knees, and declared that to
+preserve her life he would never ask her for love, but would live
+contented to see her only at his side, happy at being able to touch
+but the hem of her garment.
+
+She replied, bursting into tears, “that she would rather die than lose
+one iota of his love; that she would die as she had lived, since
+luckily she could make a man embrace her when such was her desire
+without having to put her request into words.”
+
+Here it must be stated that the cardinal of Ragusa had given her as a
+present an article, which this holy joker called _in articulo mortis_.
+It was a tiny glass bottle, no bigger than a bean, made at Venice, and
+containing a poison so subtle that by breaking it between the teeth
+death came instantly and painlessly. He had received it from Signora
+Tophana, the celebrated maker of poisons of the town of Rome.
+
+Now this tiny bottle was under the bezel of a ring, preserved from all
+objects that could break it by certain plates of gold. Poor Imperia
+put it into her mouth several times without being able to make up her
+mind to bite it, so much pleasure did she take in the moment that she
+believed to be her last. Then she would pass before her in mental
+review all her methods of enjoyment before breaking the glass, and
+determined that when she felt the most perfect of all joys she would
+bite the bottle.
+
+The poor creature departed this life on the night on the first day of
+October. Then was there heard a great clamour in the forests and in
+the clouds, as if the loves had cried aloud, “The great Noc is dead!”
+ in imitation of the pagan gods who, at the coming of the Saviour of
+men, fled into the skies, saying, “the great Pan is slain!” A cry
+which was heard by some persons navigating the Eubean Sea, and
+preserved by a Father of the Church.
+
+Madame Imperia died without being spoiled in shape, so much had God
+made her the irreproachable model of a woman. She had, it was said, a
+magnificent tint upon her flesh, caused by the proximity of the
+flaming wings of Pleasure, who cried and groaned over her corpse. Her
+husband mourned for her most bitterly, never suspecting that she had
+died to deliver him from a childless wife, for the doctor who embalmed
+her said not a word concerning the cause of her death. This great
+sacrifice was discovered six years after marriage of l’Ile Adam with
+Mademoiselle de Montmorency, because she told him all about the visit
+of Madame Imperia. The poor gentleman immediately fell into a state of
+great melancholy and finished by dying, being unable to banish the
+remembrance of those joys of love which it was beyond the power of a
+novice to restore to him; thereby did he prove the truth of that which
+was said at that time, that this woman would never die in a heart
+where she had once reigned.
+
+This teaches us that virtue is well understood by those who have
+practised vice; for among the most modest women few would thus have
+sacrificed life, in whatever high state of religion you look for them.
+
+
+
+                              EPILOGUE
+
+Oh! mad little one, thou whose business it is to make the house merry,
+again hast thou been wallowing, in spite of a thousand prohibitions,
+in that slough of melancholy, whence thou hast already fished out
+Bertha, and come back with thy tresses dishevelled, like a girl who
+has been ill-treated by a regiment of soldiers! Where are thy golden
+aiglets and bells, thy filigree flowers of fantastic design? Where
+hast thou left thy crimson head-dress, ornamented with precious
+gewgaws that cost a minot of pearls?
+
+Why spoil with pernicious tears thy black eyes, so pleasant when
+therein sparkles the wit of a tale, that popes pardon thee thy sayings
+for the sake of thy merry laughter, feel their souls caught between
+the ivory of thy teeth, have their hearts drawn by the rose point of
+thy sweet tongue, and would barter the holy slipper for a hundred of
+the smiles that hover round thy vermillion lips? Laughing lassie, if
+thou wouldst remain always fresh and young, weep no more; think of
+riding the brideless fleas, of bridling with the golden clouds thy
+chameleon chimeras, of metamorphosing the realities of life into
+figures clothed with the rainbow, caparisoned with roseate dreams, and
+mantled with wings blue as the eyes of the partridge. By the Body and
+the Blood, by the Censer and the Seal, by the Book and the Sword, by
+the Rag and the Gold, by the Sound and the Colour, if thou does but
+return once into that hovel of elegies where eunuchs find ugly women
+for imbecile sultans, I’ll curse thee; I’ll rave at thee; I’ll make
+thee fast from roguery and love; I’ll--
+
+Phist! Here she is astride a sunbeam with a volume that is ready to
+burst with merry meteors! She plays in their prisms, tearing about so
+madly, so wildly, so boldly, so contrary to good sense, so contrary to
+good manners, so contrary to everything, that one has to touch her
+with long feathers, to follow her siren’s tail in the golden facets
+which trifle among the artifices of these new pearls of laughter. Ye
+gods! but she is sporting herself in them like a hundred schoolboys in
+a hedge full of blackberries, after vespers. To the devil with the
+magister! The volume is finished! Out upon work! What ho! my jovial
+friends; this way!
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg’s Droll Stories, Complete, by Honoré de Balzac
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diff --git a/old/13260-h/13260-h.htm b/old/13260-h/13260-h.htm
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..6cb216c
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/13260-h/13260-h.htm
@@ -0,0 +1,19420 @@
+<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN"
+"http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd">
+<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en">
+<head>
+<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=utf-8" />
+<meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" />
+<title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of Droll Stories, Complete by Honoré de Balzac</title>
+<link rel="coverpage" href="images/cover.jpg" />
+<style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve">
+
+    body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify}
+    P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; }
+    H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; }
+    hr  { width: 50%; text-align: center;}
+    .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; }
+    blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;}
+    .mynote    {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;}
+    .toc       { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;}
+    .toc2      { margin-left: 20%;}
+    div.fig    { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; }
+    div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; }
+    .figleft   {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;}
+    .figright  {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;}
+    .pagenum   {display:inline; font-size: 70%; font-style:normal;
+               margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%;
+               text-align: right;}
+    pre        { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;}
+
+</style>
+  </head>
+  <body>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Droll Stories, Complete, by Honoré de Balzac
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Droll Stories, Complete
+       Collected From The Abbeys Of Touraine
+
+Author: Honoré de Balzac
+
+Release Date: August 23, 2004 [EBook #13260]
+Last Updated: October 8, 2023
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: UTF-8
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DROLL STORIES, COMPLETE ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by John Bickers, Ian Hodgson, Dagny and Emma Dudding
+HTML version produced by David Widger
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+    <h1>
+      DROLL STORIES
+    </h1>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <h3>
+      COLLECTED FROM THE ABBEYS OF TOURAINE
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <h2>
+      BY HONORE DE BALZAC
+    </h2>
+<h2>Illustrated by Gustave Dore</h2>
+
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:60%;">
+      <img src="images/coverm.jpg" alt="cover " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:60%;">
+      <img src="images/frontispieces.jpg" alt="frontispieces " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h4>
+      <a href="images/frontispiece.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a
+      href="images/frontispiecem.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a>
+    </h4>
+
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:60%;">
+      <img src="images/titlepagem.jpg" alt="titlepagem " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/013s.jpg" alt="013s " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h4>
+      <a href="images/013.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a
+      href="images/013m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a>
+    </h4>
+
+    <h2>
+      CONTENTS
+    </h2>
+
+    <table summary="" style="margin-right: auto; margin-left: auto">
+      <tr>
+        <td>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0001"> TRANSLATORS PREFACE </a>
+          </p>
+          <br /><br />
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0002"> <b>VOLUME I</b></a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_PROL"> PROLOGUE </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0006"> THE FAIR IMPERIA </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0007"> THE VENIAL SIN </a>
+          </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+         How The Good Man Bruyn Took A Wife
+         How The Seneschal Struggled With His Wife&rsquo;s Modesty
+         That Which Is Only A Venial Sin
+         How And By Whom The Said Child Was Procured
+         How The Said Love-Sin Was Repented Of And Led To Great Mourning
+
+</pre>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0008"> THE KING&rsquo;S SWEETHEART </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0009"> THE DEVIL&rsquo;S HEIR </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0010"> THE MERRIE JESTS OF KING LOUIS THE
+            ELEVENTH </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0011"> THE HIGH CONSTABLE&rsquo;S WIFE </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0012"> THE MAID OF THILOUSE </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0013"> THE BROTHERS-IN-ARMS </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0014"> THE VICAR OF AZAY-LE-RIDEAU </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0015"> THE REPROACH </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_EPIL"> EPILOGUE </a>
+          </p>
+          <br /><br />
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0017"> <b>VOLUME II</b> </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0021"> THE THREE CLERKS OF ST. NICHOLAS </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0022"> THE CONTINENCE OF KING FRANCIS THE FIRST
+            </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0023"> THE MERRY TATTLE OF THE NUNS OF POISSY
+            </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0024"> HOW THE CHATEAU D&rsquo;AZAY CAME TO BE BUILT
+            </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0025"> THE FALSE COURTESAN </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0026"> THE DANGER OF BEING TOO INNOCENT </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0027"> THE DEAR NIGHT OF LOVE </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0028"> THE SERMON OF THE MERRY VICAR OF MEUDON
+            </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0029"> THE SUCCUBUS </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0031"> DESPAIR IN LOVE </a>
+          </p>
+          <br /><br />
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0033"> <b>VOLUME III</b> </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0037"> PERSEVERANCE IN LOVE </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0038"> CONCERNING A PROVOST WHO DID NOT RECOGNISE
+            THINGS </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0039"> ABOUT THE MONK AMADOR, WHO WAS A GLORIOUS
+            ABBOT OF TURPENAY </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0040"> BERTHA THE PENITENT </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0041"> HOW THE PRETTY MAID OF PORTILLON CONVINCED
+            HER JUDGE </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0042"> IN WHICH IT IS DEMONSTRATED THAT FORTUNE
+            IS ALWAYS FEMININE </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0043"> CONCERNING A POOR MAN WHO WAS CALLED LE
+            VIEUX PAR-CHEMINS </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0044"> ODD SAYINGS OF THREE PILGRIMS </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0045"> INNOCENCE </a>
+          </p>
+          <p class="toc">
+            <a href="#link2H_4_0046"> THE FAIR IMPERIA MARRIED </a>
+          </p>
+        </td>
+      </tr>
+    </table>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0001" id="link2H_4_0001">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      TRANSLATORS PREFACE
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      When, in March, 1832, the first volume of the now famous <i>Contes
+      Drolatiques</i> was published by Gosselin of Paris, Balzac, in a short
+      preface, written in the publisher&rsquo;s name, replied to those attacks which
+      he anticipated certain critics would make upon his hardy experiment. He
+      claimed for his book the protection of all those to whom literature was
+      dear, because it was a work of art—and a work of art, in the highest
+      sense of the word, it undoubtedly is. Like Boccaccio, Rabelais, the Queen
+      of Navarre, Ariosto, and Verville, the great author of <i>The Human Comedy</i>
+      has painted an epoch. In the fresh and wonderful language of the Merry
+      Vicar Of Meudon, he has given us a marvellous picture of French life and
+      manners in the sixteenth century. The gallant knights and merry dames of
+      that eventful period of French history stand out in bold relief upon his
+      canvas. The background in these life-like figures is, as it were,
+      &ldquo;sketched upon the spot.&rdquo; After reading the <i>Contes Drolatiques</i>, one
+      could almost find one&rsquo;s way about the towns and villages of Touraine,
+      unassisted by map or guide. Not only is this book a work of art from its
+      historical information and topographical accuracy; its claims to that
+      distinction rest upon a broader foundation. Written in the nineteenth
+      century in imitation of the style of the sixteenth, it is a triumph of
+      literary archaeology. It is a model of that which it professes to imitate;
+      the production of a writer who, to accomplish it, must have been at once
+      historian, linguist, philosopher, archaeologist, and anatomist, and each
+      in no ordinary degree. In France, his work has long been regarded as a
+      classic—as a faithful picture of the last days of the moyen age,
+      when kings and princesses, brave gentlemen and haughty ladies laughed
+      openly at stories and jokes which are considered disgraceful by their more
+      fastidious descendants. In England the difficulties of the language
+      employed, and the quaintness and peculiarity of its style, have placed it
+      beyond the reach of all but those thoroughly acquainted with the French of
+      the sixteenth century. Taking into consideration the vast amount of
+      historical information enshrined in its pages, the archaeological value
+      which it must always possess for the student, and the dramatic interest of
+      its stories, the translator has thought that an English edition of
+      Balzac&rsquo;s chef-d&rsquo;oeuvre would be acceptable to many. It has, of course,
+      been impossible to reproduce in all its vigour and freshness the language
+      of the original. Many of the quips and cranks and puns have been lost in
+      the process of Anglicising. These unavoidable blemishes apart, the writer
+      ventures to hope that he has treated this great masterpiece in a reverent
+      spirit, touched it with no sacrilegious hand, but, on the contrary, given
+      as close a translation as the dissimilarities of the two languages permit.
+      With this idea, no attempt had been made to polish or round many of the
+      awkwardly constructed sentences which are characteristic of this volume.
+      Rough, and occasionally obscure, they are far more in keeping with the
+      spirit of the original than the polished periods of modern romance. Taking
+      into consideration the many difficulties which he has had to overcome, and
+      which those best acquainted with the French edition will best appreciate,
+      the translator claims the indulgence of the critical reader for any
+      shortcomings he may discover. The best plea that can be offered for such
+      indulgence is the fact that, although <i>Les Contes Drolatiques</i> was
+      completed and published in 1837, the present is the first English version
+      ever brought before the public.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      London, January, 1874
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      VOLUME I
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      THE FIRST TEN TALES
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_PROL" id="link2H_PROL">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/019s.jpg" alt="019s " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h4>
+      <a href="images/019.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a
+      href="images/019m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a>
+    </h4>
+
+    <h2>
+      PROLOGUE
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      This is a book of the highest flavour, full of right hearty merriment,
+      spiced to the palate of the illustrious and very precious tosspots and
+      drinkers, to whom our worthy compatriot, Francois Rabelais, the eternal
+      honour of Touraine, addressed himself. Be it nevertheless understood, the
+      author has no other desire than to be a good Touranian, and joyfully to
+      chronicle the merry doings of the famous people of this sweet and
+      productive land, more fertile in cuckolds, dandies and witty wags than any
+      other, and which has furnished a good share of men of renown in France, as
+      witness the departed Courier of piquant memory; Verville, author of <i>Moyen
+      de Parvenir</i>, and others equally well known, among whom we will
+      specially mention the Sieur Descartes, because he was a melancholy genius,
+      and devoted himself more to brown studies than to drinks and dainties, a
+      man of whom all the cooks and confectioners of Tours have a wise horror,
+      whom they despise, and will not hear spoken of, and say, &ldquo;Where does he
+      live?&rdquo; if his name is mentioned. Now this work is the production of the
+      joyous leisure of good old monks, of whom there are many vestiges
+      scattered about the country, at Grenadiere-les-St.-Cyr, in the village of
+      Sacche-les-Azay-le-Rideau, at Marmoustiers, Veretz, Roche-Cobon, and the
+      certain storehouses of good stories, which storehouses are the upper
+      stories of old canons and wise dames, who remember the good old days when
+      they could enjoy a hearty laugh without looking to see if their hilarity
+      disturbed the sit of your ruffle, as do the young women of the present
+      day, who wish to take their pleasure gravely—a custom which suits
+      our Gay France as much as a water jug would the head of a queen. Since
+      laughter is a privilege granted to man alone, and he has sufficient causes
+      for tears within his reach, without adding to them by books, I have
+      considered it a thing most patriotic to publish a drachm of merriment for
+      these times, when weariness falls like a fine rain, wetting us, soaking
+      into us, and dissolving those ancient customs which make the people to
+      reap public amusement from the Republic. But of those old pantagruelists
+      who allowed God and the king to conduct their own affairs without putting
+      of their finger in the pie oftener than they could help, being content to
+      look on and laugh, there are very few left. They are dying out day by day
+      in such manner that I fear greatly to see these illustrious fragments of
+      the ancient breviary spat upon, staled upon, set at naught, dishonoured,
+      and blamed, the which I should be loath to see, since I have and bear
+      great respect for the refuse of our Gallic antiquities.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Bear in mind also, ye wild critics, you scrapers-up of words, harpies who
+      mangle the intentions and inventions of everyone, that as children only do
+      we laugh, and as we travel onward laughter sinks down and dies out, like
+      the light of the oil-lit lamp. This signifies, that to laugh you must be
+      innocent, and pure of a heart, lacking which qualities you purse your
+      lips, drop your jaws, and knit your brow, after the manner of men hiding
+      vices and impurities. Take, then, this work as you would take a group of
+      statue, certain features of which an artist could omit, and he would be
+      the biggest of all big fools if he puts leaves upon them, seeing that
+      these said works are not, any more than is this book, intended for
+      nunneries. Nevertheless, I have taken care, much to my vexation, to weed
+      from the manuscripts the old words, which, in spite of their age, were
+      still strong, and which would have shocked the ears, astonished the eyes,
+      reddened the cheeks and sullied the lips of trousered maidens, and Madame
+      Virtue with three lovers; for certain things must be done to suit the
+      vices of the age, and a periphrase is much more agreeable than the word.
+      Indeed, we are old, and find long trifles, better than the short follies
+      of our youth, because at that time our taste was better. Then spare me
+      your slanders, and read this rather at night than in the daytime and give
+      it not to young maidens, if there be any, because this book is
+      inflammable. I will now rid you of myself. But I fear nothing from this
+      book, since it is extracted from a high and splendid source, from which
+      all that has issued has had a great success, as is amply proved by the
+      royal orders of the Golden Fleece, of the Holy Ghost, of the Garter, of
+      the Bath, and by many notable things which have been taken therefrom,
+      under shelter of which I place myself.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <i>Now make ye merry, my hearties, and gayly read with ease of body and
+      rest of reins, and may a cancer carry you if you disown me after having
+      read me.</i>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      These words are those of our good Master Rabelais, before whom we must
+      also stand, hat in hand, in token of reverence and honour to him, prince
+      of all wisdom, and king of Comedy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0006" id="link2H_4_0006">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE FAIR IMPERIA
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      The Archbishop of Bordeaux had added to his suite when going to the
+      Council at Constance quite a good-looking little priest of Touraine whose
+      ways and manner of speech was so charming that he passed for a son of La
+      Soldee and the Governor. The Archbishop of Tours had willingly given him
+      to his confrere for his journey to that town, because it was usual for
+      archbishops to make each other presents, they well knowing how sharp are
+      the itchings of theological palms. Thus this young priest came to the
+      Council and was lodged in the establishment of his prelate, a man of good
+      morals and great science.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Philippe de Mala, as he was called, resolved to behave well and worthily
+      to serve his protector, but he saw in this mysterious Council many men
+      leading a dissolute life and yet not making less, nay —gaining more
+      indulgences, gold crowns and benefices than all the other virtuous and
+      well-behaved ones. Now during one night—dangerous to his virtue—the
+      devil whispered into his ear that he should live more luxuriously, since
+      every one sucked the breasts of our Holy Mother Church and yet they were
+      not drained, a miracle which proved beyond doubt the existence of God. And
+      the priest of Touraine did not disappoint the devil. He promised to feast
+      himself, to eat his bellyful of roast meats and other German delicacies,
+      when he could do so without paying for them as he was poor. As he remained
+      quite continent (in which he followed the example of the poor old
+      archbishop who sinned no longer because he was unable to, and passed for a
+      saint,) he had to suffer from intolerable desires followed by fits of
+      melancholy, since there were so many sweet courtesans, well developed, but
+      cold to the poor people, who inhabited Constance, to enlighten the
+      understanding of the Fathers of the Council. He was savage that he did not
+      know how to make up to these gallant sirens, who snubbed cardinals,
+      abbots, councillors, legates, bishops, princes and margraves just as if
+      they have been penniless clerks. And in the evening, after prayers, he
+      would practice speaking to them, teaching himself the breviary of love. He
+      taught himself to answer all possible questions, but on the morrow if by
+      chance he met one of the aforesaid princesses dressed out, seated in a
+      litter and escorted by her proud and well-armed pages, he remained
+      open-mouthed, like a dog in the act of catching flies, at the sight of
+      sweet countenance that so much inflamed him. The secretary of a
+      Monseigneur, a gentleman of Perigord, having clearly explained to him that
+      the Fathers, procureurs, and auditors of the Rota bought by certain
+      presents, not relics or indulgences, but jewels and gold, the favour of
+      being familiar with the best of these pampered cats who lived under the
+      protection of the lords of the Council; the poor Touranian, all simpleton
+      and innocent as he was, treasured up under his mattress the money given
+      him by the good archbishop for writings and copying—hoping one day
+      to have enough just to see a cardinal&rsquo;s lady-love, and trusting to God for
+      the rest. He was hairless from top to toe and resembled a man about as
+      much as a goat with a night-dress on resembles a young lady, but prompted
+      by his desires he wandered in the evenings through the streets of
+      Constance, careless of his life, and, at the risk of having his body
+      halberded by the soldiers, he peeped at the cardinals entering the houses
+      of their sweethearts. Then he saw the wax-candles lighted in the houses
+      and suddenly the doors and the windows closed. Then he heard the blessed
+      abbots or others jumping about, drinking, enjoying themselves,
+      love-making, singing <i>Alleluia</i> and applauding the music with which
+      they were being regaled. The kitchen performed miracles, the Offices said
+      were fine rich pots-full, the Matins sweet little hams, the Vespers
+      luscious mouthful, and the Lauhes delicate sweetmeats, and after their
+      little carouses, these brave priests were silent, their pages diced upon
+      the stairs, their mules stamped restively in the streets; everything went
+      well—but faith and religion was there. That is how it came to pass
+      the good man Huss was burned. And the reason? He put his finger in the pie
+      without being asked. Then why was he a Huguenot before the others?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      To return, however to our sweet little Philippe, not unfrequently did he
+      receive many a thump and hard blow, but the devil sustained him, inciting
+      him to believe that sooner or later it would come to his turn to play the
+      cardinal to some lovely dame. This ardent desire gave him the boldness of
+      a stag in autumn, so much so that one evening he quietly tripped up the
+      steps and into one of the first houses in Constance where often he had
+      seen officers, seneschals, valets, and pages waiting with torches for
+      their masters, dukes, kings, cardinals and archbishops.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah!&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;she must be very beautiful and amiable, this one.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      A soldier well armed allowed him to pass, believing him to belong to the
+      suite of the Elector of Bavaria, who had just left, and that he was going
+      to deliver a message on behalf of the above-mentioned nobleman. Philippe
+      de Mala mounted the stairs as lightly as a greyhound in love, and was
+      guided by delectable odour of perfume to certain chamber where, surrounded
+      by her handmaidens, the lady of the house was divesting herself of her
+      attire. He stood quite dumbfounded like a thief surprised by sergeants.
+      The lady was without petticoat or head-dress. The chambermaid and the
+      servants, busy taking off her stockings and undressing her, so quickly and
+      dextrously had her stripped, that the priest, overcome, gave vent to a
+      long Ah! which had the flavour of love about it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What want <i>you</i>, little one?&rdquo; said the lady to him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;To yield my soul to you,&rdquo; said he, flashing his eyes upon her.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You can come again to-morrow,&rdquo; said she, in order to be rid of him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      To which Philippe replied, blushing, &ldquo;I will not fail.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then she burst out laughing. Philippe, struck motionless, stood quite at
+      his ease, letting wander over her his eyes that glowed and sparkled with
+      the flame of love. What lovely thick hair hung upon her ivory white back,
+      showing sweet white places, fair and shining between the many tresses! She
+      had upon her snow-white brow a ruby circlet, less fertile in rays of fire
+      than her black eyes, still moist with tears from her hearty laugh. She
+      even threw her slipper at a statue gilded like a shrine, twisting herself
+      about from very ribaldry and allowed her bare foot, smaller than a swan&rsquo;s
+      bill, to be seen. This evening she was in a good humour, otherwise she
+      would have had the little shaven-crop put out by the window without more
+      ado than her first bishop.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;He has fine eyes, Madame,&rdquo; said one of her handmaids.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Where does he comes from?&rdquo; asked another.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Poor child!&rdquo; cried Madame, &ldquo;his mother must be looking for him. Show him
+      his way home.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The Touranian, still sensible, gave a movement of delight at the sight of
+      the brocaded bed where the sweet form was about to repose. This glance,
+      full of amorous intelligence, awoke the lady&rsquo;s fantasy, who, half laughing
+      and half smitten, repeated &ldquo;To-morrow,&rdquo; and dismissed him with a gesture
+      which the Pope Jehan himself would have obeyed, especially as he was like
+      a snail without a shell, since the Council had just deprived him of the
+      holy keys.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! Madame, there is another vow of chastity changed into an amorous
+      desire,&rdquo; said one of her women; and the chuckles commenced again thick as
+      hail.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Philippe went his way, bumping his head against a wall like a hooded rook
+      as he was. So giddy had he become at the sight of this creature, even more
+      enticing than a siren rising from the water. He noticed the animals carved
+      over the door and returned to the house of the archbishop with his head
+      full of diabolical longings and his entrails sophisticated.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Once in his little room he counted his coins all night long, but could
+      make no more than four of them; and as that was all his treasure, he
+      counted upon satisfying the fair one by giving her all he had in the
+      world.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What is it ails you?&rdquo; said the good archbishop, uneasy at the groans and
+      &ldquo;oh! ohs!&rdquo; of his clerk.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! my Lord,&rdquo; answered the poor priest, &ldquo;I am wondering how it is that so
+      light and sweet a woman can weigh so heavily upon my heart.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Which one?&rdquo; said the archbishop, putting down his breviary which he was
+      reading for others—the good man.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh! Mother of God! You will scold me, I know, my good master, my
+      protector, because I have seen the lady of a cardinal at the least, and I
+      am weeping because I lack more than one crown to enable me to convert
+      her.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The archbishop, knitting the circumflex accent that he had above his nose,
+      said not a word. Then the very humble priest trembled in his skin to have
+      confessed so much to his superior. But the holy man directly said to him,
+      &ldquo;She must be very dear then—&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah!&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;she has swallowed many a mitre and stolen many a cross.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well, Philippe, if thou will renounce her, I will present thee with
+      thirty angels from the poor-box.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! my lord, I should be losing too much,&rdquo; replied the lad, emboldened by
+      the treat he promised himself.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! Philippe,&rdquo; said the good prelate, &ldquo;thou wilt then go to the devil and
+      displease God, like all our cardinals,&rdquo; and the master, with sorrow, began
+      to pray St. Gatien, the patron saint of Innocents, to save his servant. He
+      made him kneel down beside him, telling him to recommend himself also to
+      St. Philippe, but the wretched priest implored the saint beneath his
+      breath to prevent him from failing if on the morrow that the lady should
+      receive him kindly and mercifully; and the good archbishop, observing the
+      fervour of his servant, cried out him, &ldquo;Courage little one, and Heaven
+      will exorcise thee.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      On the morrow, while Monsieur was declaiming at the Council against the
+      shameless behaviour of the apostles of Christianity, Philippe de Mala
+      spent his angels—acquired with so much labour—in perfumes,
+      baths, fomentations, and other fooleries. He played the fop so well, one
+      would have thought him the fancy cavalier of a gay lady. He wandered about
+      the town in order to find the residence of his heart&rsquo;s queen; and when he
+      asked the passers-by to whom belonged the aforesaid house, they laughed in
+      his face, saying—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Whence comes this precious fellow that has not heard of La Belle
+      Imperia?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      He was very much afraid he and his angels were gone to the devil when he
+      heard the name, and knew into what a nice mess he had voluntarily fallen.
+    </p>
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/031s.jpg" alt="031s " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h4>
+      <a href="images/031.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a
+      href="images/031m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a>
+    </h4>
+    <p>
+      Imperia was the most precious, the most fantastic girl in the world,
+      although she passed for the most dazzling and the beautiful, and the one
+      who best understood the art of bamboozling cardinals and softening the
+      hardiest soldiers and oppressors of the people. She had brave captains,
+      archers, and nobles, ready to serve her at every turn. She had only to
+      breathe a word, and the business of anyone who had offended her was
+      settled. A free fight only brought a smile to her lips, and often the Sire
+      de Baudricourt—one of the King&rsquo;s Captains —would ask her if
+      there were any one he could kill for her that day —a little joke at
+      the expense of the abbots. With the exception of the potentates among the
+      high clergy with whom Madame Imperia managed to accommodate her little
+      tempers, she ruled everyone with a high hand in virtue of her pretty
+      babble and enchanting ways, which enthralled the most virtuous and the
+      most unimpressionable. Thus she lived beloved and respected, quite as much
+      as the real ladies and princesses, and was called Madame, concerning which
+      the good Emperor Sigismund replied to a lady who complained of it to him,
+      &ldquo;That they, the good ladies, might keep to their own proper way and holy
+      virtues, and Madame Imperia to the sweet naughtiness of the goddess Venus&rdquo;—Christian
+      words which shocked the good ladies, to their credit be it said.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Philippe, then thinking over it in his mind that which on the preceding
+      evening he had seen with his eyes, doubted if more did not remain behind.
+      Then was he sad, and without taking bite or sup, strolled about the town
+      waiting the appointed hour, although he was well-favoured and gallant
+      enough to find others less difficult to overcome than was Madame Imperia.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The night came; the little Touranian, exalted with pride caparisoned with
+      desire, and spurred by his &ldquo;alacks&rdquo; and &ldquo;alases&rdquo; which nearly choked him,
+      glided like an eel into the domicile of the veritable Queen of the Council—for
+      before her bowed humbly all the authority, science, and wisdom of
+      Christianity. The major domo did not know him, and was going to bundle him
+      out again, when one of the chamber-women called him from the top of the
+      stairs—&ldquo;Eh, M. Imbert, it is Madame&rsquo;s young fellow,&rdquo; and poor
+      Philippe, blushing like a wedding night, ran up the stairs, shaking with
+      happiness and delight. The servant took him by the hand and led into the
+      chamber where sat Madame, lightly attired like a brave woman who awaits
+      her conqueror.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The dazzling Imperia was seated near a table covered with a shaggy cloth
+      ornamented with gold, and with all the requisites for a dainty carouse.
+      Flagons of wine, various drinking glasses, bottles of the hippocras,
+      flasks full of good wine of Cyprus, pretty boxes full of spices, roast
+      peacocks, green sauces, little salt hams—all that would gladden the
+      eyes of the gallant if he had not so madly loved Madame Imperia.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      She saw well that the eyes of the young priest were all for her. Although
+      accustomed to the curl-paper devotion of the churchmen, she was well
+      satisfied that she had made a conquest of the young priest who all day
+      long had been in her head.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The windows had been closed; Madame was decked out in a manner fit to do
+      honours to a prince of the Empire. Then the rogue, beatified by the holy
+      beauty of Imperia, knew that Emperor, burgraf, nay, even a cardinal about
+      to be elected pope, would willingly for that night have changed places
+      with him, a little priest who, beneath his gown, had only the devil and
+      love.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He put on a lordly air, and saluted her with a courtesy by no means
+      ungraceful; and then the sweet lady said to him, regaling with a piercing
+      glance—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Come and sit close to me, that I may see if you have altered since
+      yesterday.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh yes,&rdquo; said he.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And how?&rdquo; said she.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yesterday,&rdquo; replied the artful fellow, &ldquo;I loved you; today, we love each
+      other, and from a poor sinner I have become richer than a king.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh, little one, little one!&rdquo; cried she, merrily; &ldquo;yes, you are indeed
+      changed, for from a young priest I see well you have turned into an old
+      devil.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And side by side they sat down before a large fire, which helped to spread
+      their ecstasy around. They remained always ready to begin eating, seeing
+      that they only thought of gazing into each other&rsquo;s eyes, and never touched
+      a dish. Just as they were beginning to feel comfortable and at their ease,
+      there came a great noise at Madame&rsquo;s door, as if people were beating
+      against it, and crying out.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Madame,&rdquo; cried the little servant hastily, &ldquo;here&rsquo;s another of them.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Who is it?&rdquo; cried she in a haughty manner, like a tyrant, savage at being
+      interrupted.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The Bishop of Coire wishes to speak with you.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;May the devil take him!&rdquo; said she, looking at Philippe gently.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Madame he has seen the light through the chinks, and is making a great
+      noise.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Tell him I have the fever, and you will be telling him no lie, for I am
+      ill of this little priest who is torturing my brain.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      But just as she had finished speaking, and was pressing with devotion the
+      hand of Philippe who trembled in his skin, appeared the fat Bishop of
+      Coire, indignant and angry. The officers followed him, bearing a trout
+      canonically dressed, fresh from the Rhine, and shining in a golden
+      platter, and spices contained in little ornamental boxes, and a thousand
+      dainties, such as liqueurs and jams, made by the holy nuns at his Abbey.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah, ah!&rdquo; said he, with his deep voice, &ldquo;I haven&rsquo;t time to go to the
+      devil, but you must give me a touch of him in advance, eh! my little one.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Your belly will one day make a nice sheath for a sword,&rdquo; replied she,
+      knitting her brows above her eyes, which from being soft and gentle had
+      become mischievous enough to make one tremble.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And this little chorus singer is here to offer that?&rdquo; said the bishop,
+      insolently turning his great rubicund face towards Philippe.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Monseigneur, I&rsquo;m here to confess Madame.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh, oh, do you not know the canons? To confess the ladies at this time of
+      night is a right reserved to bishops, so take yourself off; go and herd
+      with simple monks, and never come back here again under pain of
+      excommunication.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Do not move,&rdquo; cried the blushing Imperia, more lovely with passion than
+      she was with love, because now she was possessed both with passion and
+      love. &ldquo;Stop, my friend. Here you are in your own house.&rdquo; Then he knew that
+      he was really loved by her.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;It is it not in the breviary, and an evangelical regulation, that you
+      should be equal with God in the valley of Jehoshaphat?&rdquo; asked she of the
+      bishop.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;Tis is an invention of the devil, who has adulterated the holy book,&rdquo;
+       replied the great numskull of a bishop in a hurry to fall to.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well then, be equal now before me, who am here below your goddess,&rdquo;
+       replied Imperia, &ldquo;otherwise one of these days I will have you delicately
+      strangled between the head and shoulders; I swear it by the power of my
+      tonsure which is as good as the pope&rsquo;s.&rdquo; And wishing that the trout should
+      be added to the feast as well as the sweets and other dainties, she added,
+      cunningly, &ldquo;Sit you down and drink with us.&rdquo; But the artful minx, being up
+      to a trick or two, gave the little one a wink which told him plainly not
+      to mind the German, whom she would soon find a means to be rid of.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The servant-maid seated the Bishop at the table, and tucked him up, while
+      Philippe, wild with rage that closed his mouth, because he saw his plans
+      ending in smoke, gave the archbishop to more devils than ever were monks
+      alive. Thus they got halfway through the repast, which the young priest
+      had not yet touched, hungering only for Imperia, near whom he was already
+      seated, but speaking that sweet language which the ladies so well
+      understand, that has neither stops, commas, accents, letters, figures,
+      characters, notes, nor images. The fat bishop, sensual and careful enough
+      of the sleek, ecclesiastical garment of skin for which he was indebted to
+      his late mother, allowed himself to be plentifully served with hippocras
+      by the delicate hand of Madame, and it was just at his first hiccough that
+      the sound of an approaching cavalcade was heard in the street. The number
+      of horses, the &ldquo;Ho, ho!&rdquo; of the pages, showed plainly that some great
+      prince hot with love, was about to arrive. In fact, a moment afterwards
+      the Cardinal of Ragusa, against whom the servants of Imperia had not dared
+      to bar the door, entered the room. At this terrible sight the poor
+      courtesan and her young lover became ashamed and embarrassed, like fresh
+      cured lepers; for it would be tempting the devil to try and oust the
+      cardinal, the more so as at that time it was not known who would be pope,
+      three aspirants having resigned their hoods for the benefit of
+      Christianity. The cardinal, who was a cunning Italian, long bearded, a
+      great sophist, and the life and soul of the Council, guessed, by the
+      feeblest exercise of the faculties of his understanding, the alpha and
+      omega of the adventure. He only had to weigh in his mind one little
+      thought before he knew how to proceed in order to be able to hypothecate
+      his manly vigour. He arrived with the appetite of a hungry monk, and to
+      obtain its satisfaction he was just the man to stab two monks and sell his
+      bit of the true cross, which were wrong.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Hulloa! friend,&rdquo; said he to Philippe, calling him towards him. The poor
+      Tourainian, more dead than alive, and expecting the devil was about to
+      interfere seriously with his arrangements, rose and said, &ldquo;What is it?&rdquo; to
+      the redoubtable cardinal.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He taking him by the arm led him to the staircase, looked him in the white
+      of the eye and said without any nonsense—&ldquo;Ventredieu! You are a nice
+      little fellow, and I should not like to have to let your master know the
+      weight of your carcass. My revenge might cause me certain pious expenses
+      in my old age, so choose to espouse an abbey for the remainder of your
+      days, or to marry Madame to-night and die tomorrow.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The poor little Tourainian in despair murmured, &ldquo;May I come back when your
+      passion is over?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The cardinal could scarcely keep his countenance, but he said sternly,
+      &ldquo;Choose the gallows or a mitre.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah!&rdquo; said the priest, maliciously; &ldquo;a good fat abbey.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thereupon the cardinal went back into the room, opened an escritoire, and
+      scribbled upon a piece of parchment an order to the envoy of France.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Monseigneur,&rdquo; said the Tourainian to him while he was spelling out the
+      order, &ldquo;you will not get rid of the Bishop of Coire so easily as you have
+      got rid of me, for he has as many abbeys as the soldiers have drinking
+      shops in the town; besides, he is in the favour of his lord. Now I fancy
+      to show you my gratitude for this so fine Abbey I owe you good piece of
+      advice. You know how fatal has been and how rapidly spread this terrible
+      pestilence which has cruelly harassed Paris. Tell him that you have just
+      left the bedside of your old friend the Archbishop of Bordeaux; thus you
+      will make him scutter away like straw before a whirl-wind.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh, oh!&rdquo; cried the cardinal, &ldquo;thou meritest more than an abbey. Ah,
+      Ventredieu! my young friend, here are 100 golden crowns for thy journey to
+      the Abbey of Turpenay, which I won yesterday at cards, and of which I make
+      you a free gift.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Hearing these words, and seeing Philippe de Mala disappear without giving
+      her the amorous glances she expected, the beautiful Imperia, puffing like
+      a dolphin, denounced all the cowardice of the priest. She was not then a
+      sufficiently good Catholic to pardon her lover deceiving her, by not
+      knowing how to die for her pleasure. Thus the death of Philippe was
+      foreshadowed in the viper&rsquo;s glance she cast at him to insult him, which
+      glance pleased the cardinal much, for the wily Italian saw he would soon
+      get his abbey back again. The Touranian, heeding not the brewing storm
+      avoided it by walking out silently with his ears down, like a wet dog
+      being kicked out of a Church. Madame drew a sigh from her heart. She must
+      have had her own ideas of humanity for the little value she held in it.
+      The fire which possessed her had mounted to her head, and scintillated in
+      rays about her, and there was good reason for it, for this was the first
+      time that she had been humbugged by priest. Then the cardinal smiled,
+      believing it was all to his advantage: was not he a cunning fellow? Yes,
+      he was the possessor of a red hat.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah, ah! my friend,&rdquo; said he to the Bishop, &ldquo;I congratulate myself on
+      being in your company, and I am glad to have been able to get rid of that
+      little wretch unworthy of Madame, the more so as if you had gone near him,
+      my lovely and amiable creature, you would have perished miserably through
+      the deed of a simple priest.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! How?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;He is the secretary of the Archbishop of Bordeaux. The good man was
+      seized this morning with the pestilence.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The bishop opened his mouth wide enough to swallow a Dutch cheese.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;How do you know that?&rdquo; asked he.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah!&rdquo; said the cardinal, taking the good German&rsquo;s hand, &ldquo;I have just
+      administered to him, and consoled him; at this moment the holy man has a
+      fair wind to waft him to paradise.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The Bishop of Coire demonstrated immediately how light fat man are; for
+      when men are big-bellied, a merciful providence, in the consideration of
+      their works, often makes their internal tubes as elastic as balloons. The
+      aforesaid bishop sprang backwards with one bound, burst into a
+      perspiration and coughed like a cow who finds feathers mixed with her hay.
+      Then becoming suddenly pale, he rushed down the stairs without even
+      bidding Madame adieu. When the door had closed upon the bishop, and he was
+      fairly in the street, the Cardinal of Ragusa began laughing fit to split
+      his sides.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! my fair one, am I not worthy to be Pope, and better than that, thy
+      lover this evening?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      But seeing Imperia thoughtful he approached her to take her in his arms,
+      and pet her after the usual fashion of cardinals, men who embrace better
+      than all others, even the soldiers, because they are lazy, and do not
+      spare their essential properties.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ha!&rdquo; said she, drawing back, &ldquo;you wish to cause my death, you
+      ecclesiastical idiot. The principal thing for you is to enjoy yourself; my
+      sweet carcass, a thing accessory. Your pleasure will be my death, and then
+      you&rsquo;ll canonise me perhaps? Ah, you have the plague, and you would give it
+      to me. Go somewhere else, you brainless priest. Ah! touch me not,&rdquo; said
+      she, seeing him about to advance, &ldquo;or I will stab you with this dagger.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And the clever hussy drew from her armoire a little dagger, which she knew
+      how to use with great skill when necessary.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;But my little paradise, my sweet one,&rdquo; said the other, laughing, &ldquo;don&rsquo;t
+      you see the trick? Wasn&rsquo;t it necessary to be get rid of that old bullock
+      of Coire?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well then, if you love me, show it&rdquo; replied she. &ldquo;I desire that you leave
+      me instantly. If you are touched with the disease my death will not worry
+      you. I know you well enough to know at what price you will put a moment of
+      pleasure at your last hour. You would drown the earth. Ah, ah! you have
+      boasted of it when drunk. I love only myself, my treasures, and my health.
+      Go, and if tomorrow your veins are not frozen by the disease, you can come
+      again. Today, I hate you, good cardinal,&rdquo; said she, smiling.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Imperia!&rdquo; cried the cardinal on his knees, &ldquo;my blessed Imperia, do not
+      play with me thus.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No,&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;I never play with blessed and sacred things.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! ribald woman, I will excommunicate thee tomorrow.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And now you are out of your cardinal sense.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Imperia, cursed daughter of Satan! Oh, my little beauty—my love—!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Respect yourself more. Don&rsquo;t kneel to me, fie for shame!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Wilt thou have a dispensation in articulo mortis? Wilt thou have my
+      fortune—or better still, a bit of the veritable true Cross?—Wilt
+      thou?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;This evening, all the wealth of heaven above and earth beneath would not
+      buy my heart,&rdquo; said she, laughing. &ldquo;I should be the blackest of sinners,
+      unworthy to receive the Blessed Sacrament if I had not my little
+      caprices.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I&rsquo;ll burn the house down. Sorceress, you have bewitched me. You shall
+      perish at the stake. Listen to me, my love,—my gentle Dove—I
+      promise you the best place in heaven. Eh? No. Death to you then—death
+      to the sorceress.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh, oh! I will kill you, Monseigneur.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And the cardinal foamed with rage.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You are making a fool of yourself,&rdquo; said she. &ldquo;Go away, you&rsquo;ll tire
+      yourself.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I shall be pope, and you shall pay for this!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Then you are no longer disposed to obey me?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What can I do this evening to please you?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Get out.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And she sprang lightly like a wagtail into her room, and locked herself
+      in, leaving the cardinal to storm that he was obliged to go. When the fair
+      Imperia found herself alone, seated before the fire, and without her
+      little priest, she exclaimed, snapping angrily the gold links of her
+      chain, &ldquo;By the double triple horn on the devil, if the little one has made
+      me have this row with the Cardinal, and exposed me to the danger of being
+      poisoned tomorrow, unless I pay him over to my heart&rsquo;s content, I will not
+      die till I have seen him burned alive before my eyes. Ah!&rdquo; said she,
+      weeping, this time real tears, &ldquo;I lead a most unhappy life, and the little
+      pleasure I have costs me the life of a dog, let alone my salvation.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      As she finished this jeremiad, wailing like a calf that is being
+      slaughtered, she beheld the blushing face of the young priest, who had
+      hidden himself, peeping at her from behind her large Venetian mirror.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah!&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;Thou art the most perfect monk that ever dwelt in this
+      blessed and amorous town of Constance. Ah, ah! Come my gentle cavalier, my
+      dear boy, my little charm, my paradise of delectation, let me drink thine
+      eyes, eat thee, kill thee with my love. Oh! my ever-flourishing,
+      ever-green, sempiternal god; from a little monk I would make a king,
+      emperor, pope, and happier than either. There, thou canst put anything to
+      fire and sword, I am thine, and thou shalt see it well; for thou shalt be
+      all a cardinal, even when to redden thy hood I shed all my heart&rsquo;s blood.&rdquo;
+       And with her trembling hands all joyously she filled with Greek wine the
+      golden cup, brought by the Bishop of Coire, and presented it to her
+      sweetheart, whom she served upon her knee, she whose slipper princes found
+      more to their taste than that of the pope.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But he gazed at her in silence, with his eye so lustrous with love, that
+      she said to him, trembling with joy &ldquo;Ah! be quiet, little one. Let us have
+      supper.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0007" id="link2H_4_0007">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE VENIAL SIN
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      HOW THE GOOD MAN BRUYN TOOK A WIFE.
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      Messire Bruyn, he who completed the Castle of Roche-Corbon-les-Vouvray, on
+      the banks of the Loire, was a boisterous fellow in his youth. When quite
+      little, he squeezed young ladies, turned the house out of windows, and
+      played the devil with everything, when he was called upon to put his Sire
+      the Baron of Roche-Corbon some few feet under the turf. Then he was his
+      own master, free to lead a life of wild dissipation, and indeed he worked
+      very hard to get a surfeit of enjoyment. Now by making his crowns sweat
+      and his goods scarce, draining his land, and a bleeding his hogsheads, and
+      regaling frail beauties, he found himself excommunicated from decent
+      society, and had for his friends only the plunderers of towns and the
+      Lombardians. But the usurers turned rough and bitter as chestnut husks,
+      when he had no other security to give them than his said estate of
+      Roche-Corbon, since the Rupes Carbonis was held from our Lord the king.
+      Then Bruyn found himself just in the humour to give a blow here and there,
+      to break a collar-bone or two, and quarrel with everyone about trifles.
+      Seeing which, the Abbot of Marmoustiers, his neighbour, and a man liberal
+      with his advice, told him that it was an evident sign of lordly
+      perfection, that he was walking in the right road, but if he would go and
+      slaughter, to the great glory of God, the Mahommedans who defiled the Holy
+      Land, it would be better still, and that he would undoubtedly return full
+      of wealth and indulgences into Touraine, or into Paradise, whence all
+      barons formerly came.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The said Bruyn, admiring the great sense of the prelate, left the country
+      equipped by the monastery, and blessed by the abbot, to the great delight
+      of his friends and neighbours. Then he put to the sack enough many towns
+      of Asia and Africa, and fell upon the infidels without giving them
+      warning, burning the Saracens, the Greeks, the English, and others, caring
+      little whether they were friends or enemies, or where they came from,
+      since among his merits he had that of being in no way curious, and he
+      never questioned them until after he had killed them. At this business,
+      agreeable to God, to the King and to himself, Bruyn gained renown as a
+      good Christian and loyal knight, and enjoyed himself thoroughly in these
+      lands beyond the seas, since he more willingly gave a crown to the girls
+      than to the poor, although he met many more poor people than perfect
+      maids; but like a good Touranian he made soup of anything. At length, when
+      he was satiated with the Turks, relics, and other blessings of the Holy
+      Land, Bruyn, to the great astonishment of the people of Vouvrillons,
+      returned from the Crusades laden with crowns and precious stones; rather
+      differently from some who, rich when they set out, came back heavy with
+      leprosy, but light with gold. On his return from Tunis, our Lord, King
+      Philippe, made him a Count, and appointed him his seneschal in our country
+      and that of Poitou. There he was greatly beloved and properly thought well
+      of, since over and above his good qualities he founded the Church of the
+      Carmes-Deschaulx, in the parish of Egrignolles, as the peace-offering to
+      Heaven for the follies of his youth. Thus was he cardinally consigned to
+      the good graces of the Church and of God. From a wicked youth and reckless
+      man, he became a good, wise man, and discreet in his dissipations and
+      pleasures; rarely was in anger, unless someone blasphemed God before him,
+      the which he would not tolerate because he had blasphemed enough for every
+      one in his wild youth. In short, he never quarrelled, because, being
+      seneschal, people gave up to him instantly. It is true that he at that
+      time beheld all his desires accomplished, the which would render even an
+      imp of Satan calm and tranquil from his horns to his heels. And besides
+      this he possessed a castle all jagged at the corners, and shaped and
+      pointed like a Spanish doublet, situated upon a bank from which it was
+      reflected in the Loire. In the rooms were royal tapestries, furniture,
+      Saracen pomps, vanities, and inventions which were much admired by people
+      of Tours, and even by the archbishop and clerks of St. Martin, to whom he
+      sent as a free gift a banner fringed with fine gold. In the neighbourhood
+      of the said castle abounded fair domains, wind-mills, and forests,
+      yielding a harvest of rents of all kinds, so that he was one of the
+      strongest knights-banneret of the province, and could easily have led to
+      battle for our lord the king a thousand men. In his old days, if by chance
+      his bailiff, a diligent man at hanging, brought before him a poor peasant
+      suspected of some offence, he would say, smiling—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Let this one go, Brediff, he will count against those I inconsiderately
+      slaughtered across the seas&rdquo;; oftentimes, however, he would let them
+      bravely hang on a chestnut tree or swing on his gallows, but this was
+      solely that justice might be done, and that the custom should not lapse in
+      his domain. Thus the people on his lands were good and orderly, like fresh
+      veiled nuns, and peaceful since he protected them from the robbers and
+      vagabonds whom he never spared, knowing by experience how much mischief is
+      caused by these cursed beasts of prey. For the rest, most devout,
+      finishing everything quickly, his prayers as well as good wine, he managed
+      the processes after the Turkish fashion, having a thousand little jokes
+      ready for the losers, and dining with them to console them. He had all the
+      people who had been hanged buried in consecrated ground like godly ones,
+      some people thinking they had been sufficiently punished by having their
+      breath stopped. He only persecuted the Jews now and then, and when they
+      were glutted with usury and wealth. He let them gather their spoil as the
+      bees do honey, saying that they were the best of tax-gatherers. And never
+      did he despoil them save for the profit and use of the churchmen, the
+      king, the province, or himself.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This jovial way gained for him the affection and esteem of every one,
+      great and small. If he came back smiling from his judicial throne, the
+      Abbot of Marmoustiers, an old man like himself, would say, &ldquo;Ho, ha!
+      messire, there is some hanging on since you laugh thus!&rdquo; And when coming
+      from Roche-Corbon to Tours he passed on horseback along the Fauborg St.
+      Symphorien, the little girls would say, &ldquo;Ah! this is the justice day,
+      there is the good man Bruyn,&rdquo; and without being afraid they would look at
+      him astride on a big white hack, that he had brought back with him from
+      the Levant. On the bridge the little boys would stop playing with the
+      ball, and would call out, &ldquo;Good day, Mr. Seneschal&rdquo; and he would reply,
+      jokingly, &ldquo;Enjoy yourselves, my children, until you get whipped.&rdquo; &ldquo;Yes,
+      Mr. Seneschal.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Also he made the country so contented and so free from robbers that during
+      the year of the great over-flowing of the Loire there were only twenty-two
+      malefactors hanged that winter, not counting a Jew burned in the Commune
+      of Chateau-Neuf for having stolen a consecrated wafer, or bought it, some
+      said, for he was very rich.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      One day, in the following year about harvest time, or mowing time, as we
+      say in Touraine, there came Egyptians, Bohemians, and other wandering
+      troupes who stole the holy things from the Church of St. Martin, and in
+      the place and exact situation of Madam the Virgin, left by way of insult
+      and mockery to our Holy Faith, an abandoned pretty little girl, about the
+      age of an old dog, stark naked, an acrobat, and of Moorish descent like
+      themselves. For this almost nameless crime it was equally decided by the
+      king, people, and the churchmen that the Mooress, to pay for all, should
+      be burned and cooked alive in the square near the fountain where the herb
+      market is. Then the good man Bruyn clearly and dextrously demonstrated to
+      the others that it would be a thing most profitable and pleasant to God to
+      gain over this African soul to the true religion, and if the devil were
+      lodged in this feminine body the faggots would be useless to burn him, as
+      said the said order. To which the archbishop sagely thought most canonical
+      and conformable to Christian charity and the gospel. The ladies of the
+      town and other persons of authority said loudly that they were cheated of
+      a fine ceremony, since the Mooress was crying her eyes out in the jail and
+      would certainly be converted to God in order to live as long as a crow, if
+      she were allowed to do so, to which the seneschal replied that if the
+      foreigner would wholly commit herself to the Christian religion there
+      would be a gallant ceremony of another kind, and that he would undertake
+      that it should be royally magnificent, because he would be her sponsor at
+      the baptismal font, and that a virgin should be his partner in the affair
+      in order the better to please the Almighty, while himself was reputed
+      never to have lost the bloom or innocence, in fact to be a coquebin. In
+      our country of Touraine thus are called the young virgin men, unmarried or
+      so esteemed to distinguish them from the husbands and the widowers, but
+      the girls always pick them without the name, because they are more
+      light-hearted and merry than those seasoned in marriage.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The young Mooress did not hesitate between the flaming faggots and the
+      baptismal water. She much preferred to be a Christian and live than be
+      Egyptian and be burned; thus to escape a moment&rsquo;s baking, her heart would
+      burn unquenched through all her life, since for the greater surety of her
+      religion she was placed in the convent of nuns near Chardonneret, where
+      she took the vow of sanctity. The said ceremony was concluded at the
+      residence of the archbishop, where on this occasion, in honour of the
+      Saviour or men, the lords and ladies of Touraine hopped, skipped and
+      danced, for in this country the people dance, skip, eat, flirt, have more
+      feasts and make merrier than any in the whole world. The good old
+      seneschal had taken for his associate the daughter of the lord of
+      Azay-le-Ridel, which afterwards became Azay-le-Brusle, the which lord
+      being a Crusader was left before Acre, a far distant town, in the hands of
+      a Saracen who demanded a royal ransom for him because the said lord was of
+      high position.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The lady of Azay having given his estate as security to the Lombards and
+      extortioners in order to raise the sum, remained, without a penny in the
+      world, awaiting her lord in a poor lodging in the town, without a carpet
+      to sit upon, but proud as the Queen of Sheba and brave as a mastiff who
+      defends the property of his master. Seeing this great distress the
+      seneschal went delicately to request this lady&rsquo;s daughter to be the
+      godmother of the said Egyptian, in order that he might have the right of
+      assisting the Lady of Azay. And, in fact, he kept a heavy chain of gold
+      which he had preserved since the commencement of the taking of Cyprus, and
+      the which he determined to clasp about the neck of his pretty associate,
+      but he hung there at the same time his domain, and his white hairs, his
+      money and his horses; in short, he placed there everything he possessed,
+      directly he had seen Blanche of Azay dancing a pavan among the ladies of
+      Tours. Although the Moorish girl, making the most of her last day, had
+      astonished the assembly by her twists, jumps, steps, springs, and
+      elevations and artistic efforts, Blanche had the advantage of her, as
+      everyone agreed, so virginally and delicately did she dance.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Now Bruyn, admiring this gentle maiden whose toes seemed to fear the
+      boards, and who amused herself so innocently for her seventeen years
+      —like a grasshopper trying her first note—was seized with an
+      old man&rsquo;s desire; a desire apoplectic and vigorous from weakness, which
+      heated him from the sole of foot to the nape of his neck—for his
+      head had too much snow on the top of it to let love lodge there. Then the
+      good man perceived that he needed a wife in his manor, and it appeared
+      more lonely to him than it was. And what then was a castle without a
+      chatelaine? As well have a clapper without its bell. In short, a wife was
+      the only thing that he had to desire, so he wished to have one promptly,
+      seeing that if the Lady of Azay made him wait, he had just time to pass
+      out of this world into the other. But during the baptismal entertainment,
+      he thought little of his severe wounds, and still less of the eighty years
+      that had stripped his head; he found his eyes clear enough to see
+      distinctly his young companion, who, following the injunctions of the Lady
+      of Azay, regaled him well with glance and gesture, believing there could
+      be no danger near so old a fellow, in such wise that Blanche—naive
+      and nice as she was in contradistinction to the girls of Touraine, who are
+      as wide-awake as a spring morning—permitted the good man first to
+      kiss her hand, and afterwards her neck, rather low-down; at least so said
+      the archbishop who married them the week after; and that was a beautiful
+      bridal, and a still more beautiful bride.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The said Blanche was slender and graceful as no other girl, and still
+      better than that, more maidenly than ever maiden was; a maiden all
+      ignorant of love, who knew not why or what it was; a maiden who wondered
+      why certain people lingered in their beds; a maiden who believed that
+      children were found in parsley beds. Her mother had thus reared her in
+      innocence, without even allowing her to consider, trifle as it was, how
+      she sucked in her soup between her teeth. Thus she was a sweet flower, and
+      intact, joyous and innocent; an angel, who needed but the wings to fly
+      away to Paradise. When she left the poor lodging of her weeping mother to
+      consummate her betrothal at the cathedral of St. Gatien and St. Maurice,
+      the country people came to a feast their eyes upon the bride, and on the
+      carpets which were laid down all along the Rue de la Scellerie, and all
+      said that never had tinier feet pressed the ground of Touraine, prettier
+      eyes gazed up to heaven, or a more splendid festival adorned the streets
+      with carpets and with flowers. The young girls of St. Martin and of the
+      boroughs of Chateau-Neuf, all envied the long brown tresses with which
+      doubtless Blanche had fished for a count, but much more did they desire
+      the gold embroidered dress, the foreign stones, the white diamonds, and
+      the chains with which the little darling played, and which bound her for
+      ever to the said seneschal. The old soldier was so merry by her side, that
+      his happiness showed itself in his wrinkles, his looks, and his movements.
+      Although he was hardly as straight as a billhook, he held himself so by
+      the side of Blanche, that one would have taken him for a soldier on parade
+      receiving his officer, and he placed his hand on his diaphragm like a man
+      whose pleasure stifles and troubles him. Delighted with the sound of the
+      swinging bells, the procession, the pomps, and the vanities of the said
+      marriage, which was talked of long after the episcopal rejoicings, the
+      women desired a harvest of Moorish girls, a deluge of old seneschals, and
+      baskets full of Egyptian baptisms. But this was the only one that ever
+      happened in Touraine, seeing that the country is far from Egypt and from
+      Bohemia. The Lady of Azay received a large sum of money after the
+      ceremony, which enabled her to start immediately for Acre to go to her
+      spouse, accompanied by the lieutenant and soldiers of the Count of
+      Roche-Corbon, who furnished them with everything necessary. She set out on
+      the day of the wedding, after having placed her daughter in the hands of
+      the seneschal, enjoining him to treat her well; and later on she returned
+      with the Sire d&rsquo;Azay, who was leprous, and she cured him, tending him
+      herself, running the risk of being contaminated, the which was greatly
+      admired.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The marriage ceremony finished and at an end—for it lasted three
+      days, to the great contentment of the people—Messire Bruyn with
+      great pomp led the little one to his castle, and, according to the custom
+      of husbands, had her put solemnly to bed in his couch, which was blessed
+      by the Abbot of Marmoustiers; then came and placed himself beside her in
+      the great feudal chamber of Roche-Corbon, which had been hung with green
+      blockade and ribbon of golden wire. When old Bruyn, perfumed all over,
+      found himself side by side with his pretty wife, he kissed her first upon
+      the forehead, and then upon the little round, white breast, on the same
+      spot where she had allowed him to clasp the fastenings of the chain, but
+      that was all. The old fellow had too great confidence in himself in
+      fancying himself able to accomplish more; so then he abstained from love
+      in spite of the merry nuptial songs, the epithalamiums and jokes which
+      were going on in the rooms beneath where the dancing was still kept up. He
+      refreshed himself with a drink of the marriage beverage, which according
+      to custom, had been blessed and placed near them in a golden cup. The
+      spices warned his stomach well enough, but not the heart of his dead
+      ardour. Blanche was not at all astonished at the demeanour of her spouse,
+      because she was a virgin in mind, and in marriage she saw only that which
+      is visible to the eyes of young girls—namely dresses, banquets,
+      horses, to be a lady and mistress, to have a country seat, to amuse
+      oneself and give orders; so, like the child that she was, she played with
+      the gold tassels on the bed, and marvelled at the richness of the shrine
+      in which her innocence should be interred. Feeling, a little later in the
+      day, his culpability, and relying on the future, which, however, would
+      spoil a little every day that with which he pretended to regale his wife,
+      the seneschal tried to substitute the word for the deed. So he entertained
+      his wife in various ways, promised her the keys of his sideboards, his
+      granaries and chests, the perfect government of his houses and domains
+      without any control, hanging round her neck &ldquo;the other half of the loaf,&rdquo;
+       which is the popular saying in Touraine. She became like a young charger
+      full of hay, found her good man the most gallant fellow in the world, and
+      raising herself upon her pillow began to smile, and beheld with greater
+      joy this beautiful green brocaded bed, where henceforward she would be
+      permitted, without any sin, to sleep every night. Seeing she was getting
+      playful, the cunning lord, who had not been used to maidens, but knew from
+      experience the little tricks that women will practice, seeing that he had
+      much associated with ladies of the town, feared those handy tricks, little
+      kisses, and minor amusements of love which formerly he did not object to,
+      but which at the present time would have found him cold as the obit of a
+      pope. Then he drew back towards the end of the bed, afraid of his
+      happiness, and said to his too delectable spouse, &ldquo;Well, darling, you are
+      a seneschal&rsquo;s wife now, and very well seneschaled as well.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh no!&rdquo; said she.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;How no!&rdquo; replied he in great fear; &ldquo;are you not a wife?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No!&rdquo; said she. &ldquo;Nor shall I be till I have had a child.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Did you while coming here see the meadows?&rdquo; began again the old fellow.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; said she.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well, they are yours.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh! Oh!&rdquo; replied she laughing, &ldquo;I shall amuse myself much there catching
+      butterflies.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;That&rsquo;s a good girl,&rdquo; says her lord. &ldquo;And the woods?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! I should not like to be there alone, you will take me there. But,&rdquo;
+       said she, &ldquo;give me a little of that liquor which La Ponneuse has taken
+      such pains to prepare for us.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And why, my darling? It would put fire in your body.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh! That&rsquo;s what I should like,&rdquo; said she, biting her lip with vexation,
+      &ldquo;because I desire to give you a child as soon as possible; and I&rsquo;m sure
+      that liquor is good for the purpose.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! my little one,&rdquo; said the seneschal, knowing by this that Blanche was
+      a virgin from head to foot, &ldquo;the goodwill of God is necessary for this
+      business, and women must be in a state of harvest.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And when should I be in a state of harvest?&rdquo; asked she, smiling.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;When nature so wills it,&rdquo; said he, trying to laugh.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What is it necessary to do for this?&rdquo; replied she.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! A cabalistical and alchemical operation which is very dangerous.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah!&rdquo; said she, with a dreamy look, &ldquo;that&rsquo;s the reason why my mother cried
+      when thinking of the said metamorphosis; but Bertha de Breuilly, who is so
+      thankful for being made a wife, told me it was the easiest thing in the
+      world.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;That&rsquo;s according to the age,&rdquo; replied the old lord. &ldquo;But did you see at
+      the stable the beautiful white mare so much spoken of in Touraine?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, she is very gentle and nice.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well, I give her to you, and you can ride her as often as the fancy takes
+      you.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh, you are very kind, and they did not lie when they told me so.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Here,&rdquo; continued he, &ldquo;sweetheart; the butler, the chaplain, the
+      treasurer, the equerry, the farrier, the bailiff, even the Sire de
+      Montsoreau, the young varlet whose name is Gauttier and bears my banner,
+      with his men at arms, captains, followers, and beasts—all are yours,
+      and will instantly obey your orders under pain of being incommoded with a
+      hempen collar.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;But,&rdquo; replied she, &ldquo;this mysterious operation—cannot it be
+      performed immediately?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh no!&rdquo; replied the seneschal. &ldquo;Because it is necessary above all things
+      that both the one and the other of us should be in a state of grace before
+      God; otherwise we should have a bad child, full of sin; which is forbidden
+      by the canons of the church. This is the reason that there are so many
+      incorrigible scapegraces in the world. Their parents have not wisely
+      waited to have their souls pure, and have given wicked souls to their
+      children. The beautiful and the virtuous come of immaculate fathers; that
+      is why we cause our beds to be blessed, as the Abbot of Marmoustiers has
+      done this one. Have you not transgressed the ordinances of the Church?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh no,&rdquo; said she, quickly, &ldquo;I received before Mass absolution for all my
+      faults and have remained since without committing the slightest sin.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You are very perfect,&rdquo; said the cunning lord, &ldquo;and I am delighted to have
+      you for a wife; but I have sworn like an infidel.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh! and why?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Because the dancing did not finish, and I could not have you to myself to
+      bring you here and kiss you.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thereupon he gallantly took her hands and covered them with kisses,
+      whispering to her little endearments and superficial words of affection
+      which made her quite pleased and contented.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then, fatigued with the dance and all the ceremonies, she settled down to
+      her slumbers, saying to the seneschal—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I will take care tomorrow that you shall not sin,&rdquo; and she left the old
+      man quite smitten with her white beauty, amorous of her delicate nature,
+      and as embarrassed to know how he should be able to keep her in her
+      innocence as to explain why oxen chew their food twice over. Although he
+      did not augur to himself any good therefrom, it inflamed him so much to
+      see the exquisite perfections of Blanche during her innocent and gentle
+      sleep, that he resolved to preserve and defend this pretty jewel of love.
+      With tears in his eyes he kissed her sweet golden tresses, the beautiful
+      eyelids, and her ripe red mouth, and he did it softly for fear of waking
+      her. There was all his fruition, the dumb delight which still inflamed his
+      heart without in the least affecting Blanche. Then he deplored the snows
+      of his leafless old age, the poor old man, that he saw clearly that God
+      had amused himself by giving him nuts when his teeth were gone.
+    </p>
+    <h3>
+      HOW THE SENESCHAL STRUGGLED WITH HIS WIFE&rsquo;S MODESTY.
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      During the first days of his marriage the seneschal imprinted many fibs to
+      tell his wife, whose so estimable innocence he abused. Firstly, he found
+      in his judicial functions good excuses for leaving her at times alone;
+      then he occupied himself with the peasants of the neighbourhood, and took
+      them to dress the vines on his lands at Vouvray, and at length pampered
+      her up with a thousand absurd tales.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      At one time he would say that lords did not behave like common people,
+      that the children were only planted at certain celestial conjunctions
+      ascertained by learned astrologers; at another that one should abstain
+      from begetting children on feast days, because it was a great undertaking;
+      and he observed the feasts like a man who wished to enter into Paradise
+      without consent. Sometimes he would pretend that if by chance the parents
+      were not in a state of grace, the children commenced on the date of St.
+      Claire would be blind, of St. Gatien had the gout, of St. Agnes were
+      scaldheaded, of St. Roch had the plague; sometimes that those begotten in
+      February were chilly; in March, too turbulent; in April, were worth
+      nothing at all; and that handsome boys were conceived in May. In short, he
+      wished his child to be perfect, to have his hair of two colours; and for
+      this it was necessary that all the required conditions should be observed.
+      At other times he would say to Blanche that the right of a man was to
+      bestow a child upon his wife according to his sole and unique will, and
+      that if she pretended to be a virtuous woman she should conform to the
+      wishes of her husband; in fact it was necessary to await the return of the
+      Lady of Azay in order that she should assist at the confinement; from all
+      of which Blanche concluded that the seneschal was annoyed by her requests,
+      and was perhaps right, since he was old and full of experience; so she
+      submitted herself and thought no more, except to herself, of this so
+      much-desired child, that is to say, she was always thinking of it, like a
+      woman who has a desire in her head, without suspecting that she was
+      behaving like a gay lady or a town-walker running after her enjoyment. One
+      evening, by accident, Bruyn spoke of children, a discourse that he avoided
+      as cats avoid water, but he was complaining of a boy condemned by him that
+      morning for great misdeeds, saying for certain he was the offspring of
+      people laden with mortal sins.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Alas!&rdquo; said Blanche, &ldquo;if you will give me one, although you have not got
+      absolution, I will correct so well that you will be pleased with him.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then the count saw that his wife was bitten by a warm desire, and that it
+      was time to dissipate her innocence in order to make himself master of it,
+      to conquer it, to beat it, or to appease and extinguish it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What, my dear, you wish to be a mother?&rdquo; said he; &ldquo;you do not yet know
+      the business of a wife, you are not accustomed to being mistress of the
+      house.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh! Oh!&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;to be a perfect countess, and have in my loins a
+      little count, must I play the great lady? I will do it, and thoroughly.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then Blanche, in order to obtain issue, began to hunt the fawns and stags,
+      leaping the ditches, galloping upon her mare over valleys and mountain,
+      through the woods and the fields, taking great delight in watching the
+      falcons fly, in unhooding them and while hunting always carried them
+      gracefully upon her little wrist, which was what the seneschal had
+      desired. But in this pursuit, Blanche gained an appetite of nun and
+      prelate, that is to say, wished to procreate, had her desires whetted, and
+      could scarcely restrain her hunger, when on her return she gave play to
+      her teeth. Now by reason of reading the legends written by the way, and of
+      separating by death the embraces of birds and wild beasts, she discovered
+      a mystery of natural alchemy, while colouring her complexion, and
+      superagitating her feeble imagination, which did little to pacify her
+      warlike nature, and strongly tickled her desire which laughed, played, and
+      frisked unmistakably. The seneschal thought to disarm the rebellious
+      virtue of his wife by making her scour the country; but his fraud turned
+      out badly, for the unknown lust that circulated in the veins of Blanche
+      emerged from these assaults more hardy than before, inviting jousts and
+      tourneys as the herald the armed knight.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The good lord saw then that he had grossly erred and that he was now upon
+      the horns of a dilemma; also he no longer knew what course to adopt; the
+      longer he left it the more it would resist. From this combat, there must
+      result one conquered and one contused—a diabolical contusion which
+      he wished to keep distant from his physiognomy by God&rsquo;s help until after
+      his death. The poor seneschal had already great trouble to follow his lady
+      to the chase, without being dismounted; he sweated under the weight of his
+      trappings, and almost expired in that pursuit wherein his frisky wife
+      cheered her life and took great pleasure. Many times in the evening she
+      wished to dance. Now the good man, swathed in his heavy clothing, found
+      himself quite worn out with these exercises, in which he was constrained
+      to participate either in giving her his hand, when she performed the
+      vaults of the Moorish girl, or in holding the lighted fagot for her, when
+      she had a fancy to do the torchlight dance; and in spite of his sciaticas,
+      accretions, and rheumatisms, he was obliged to smile and say to her some
+      gentle words and gallantries after all the evolutions, mummeries, and
+      comic pantomimes, which she indulged in to divert herself; for he loved
+      her so madly that if she had asked him for an impossibility he would have
+      sought one for her immediately.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Nevertheless, one fine day he recognised the fact that his frame was in a
+      state of too great debility to struggle with the vigorous nature of his
+      wife, and humiliating himself before his wife&rsquo;s virtue he resolved to let
+      things take their course, relying a little upon the modesty, religion, and
+      bashfulness of Blanche, but he always slept with one eye open, for he
+      suspected that God had perhaps made virginities to be taken like
+      partridges, to be spitted and roasted. One wet morning, when the weather
+      was that in which the snails make their tracks, a melancholy time, and
+      suitable to reverie, Blanche was in the house sitting in her chair in deep
+      thought, because nothing produces more lively concoctions of the
+      substantive essences, and no receipt, specific or philter is more
+      penetrating, transpiercing or doubly transpiercing and titillating than
+      the subtle warmth which simmers between the nap of the chair and a maiden
+      sitting during certain weather.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Now without knowing it the Countess was incommoded by her innocence, which
+      gave more trouble than it was worth to her brain, and gnawed her all over.
+      Then the good man, seriously grieved to see her languishing, wished to
+      drive away the thoughts which were ultra-conjugal principles of love.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Whence comes your sadness, sweetheart?&rdquo; said he.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;From shame.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What then affronts you?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The not being a good woman; because I am without a child, and you without
+      lineage! Is one a lady without progeny? Nay! Look! . . . All my neighbours
+      have it, and I was married to have it, as you to give it to me; the nobles
+      of Touraine are all amply furnished with children, and their wives give
+      them lapfuls, you alone have none, they laugh at you there. What will
+      become of your name and your fiefs and your seigniories? A child is our
+      natural company; it is a delight to us to make a fright of it, to fondle
+      it, to swaddle it, to dress and undress it, to cuddle it, to sing it
+      lullabies, to cradle it, to get it up, to put it to bed, and to nourish
+      it, and I feel that if I had only the half of one, I would kiss it,
+      swaddle it, and unharness it, and I would make it jump and crow all day
+      long, as the other ladies do.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Were it not that in giving them birth women die, and that for this you
+      are still too delicate and too close in the bud, you would already be a
+      mother,&rdquo; replied the seneschal, made giddy with the flow of words. &ldquo;But
+      will you buy one ready-made?—that will cost you neither pain nor
+      labour.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;But,&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;I want the pain and labour, without which it will not be
+      ours. I know very well it should be the fruit of my body, because at
+      church they say that Jesus was the fruit of the Virgin&rsquo;s womb.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Very well, then pray God that it may be so,&rdquo; cried the seneschal, &ldquo;and
+      intercede with the Virgin of Egrignolles. Many a lady has conceived after
+      the neuvaine; you must not fail to do one.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/057s.jpg" alt="057s " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h4>
+      <a href="images/057.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a
+      href="images/057m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a>
+    </h4>
+    <p>
+      Then the same day Blanche set out towards Notre-Dame de l&rsquo;Egrignolles,
+      decked out like a queen riding her beautiful mare, having on her a robe of
+      green velvet, laced down with fine gold lace, open at the breast, having
+      sleeves of scarlet, little shoes and a high hat ornamented with precious
+      stones, and a gold waistband that showed off her little waist, as slim as
+      a pole. She wished to give her dress to Madame the Virgin, and in fact
+      promised it to her, for the day of her churching. The Sire de Montsoreau
+      galloped before her, his eye bright as that of a hawk, keeping the people
+      back and guarding with his knights the security of the journey. Near
+      Marmoustiers the seneschal, rendered sleepy by the heat, seeing it was the
+      month of August, waggled about in his saddle, like a diadem upon the head
+      of a cow, and seeing so frolicsome and so pretty a lady by the side of so
+      old a fellow, a peasant girl, who was squatting near the trunk of a tree
+      and drinking water out of her stone jug inquired of a toothless old hag,
+      who picked up a trifle by gleaning, if this princess was going to bury her
+      dead.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Nay,&rdquo; said the old woman, &ldquo;it is our lady of Roche-Corbon, wife of the
+      seneschal of Poitou and Touraine, in quest of a child.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! Ah!&rdquo; said the young girl, laughing like a fly just satisfied; then
+      pointing to the handsome knight who was at the head of the procession—&ldquo;he
+      who marches at the head would manage that; she would save the wax-candles
+      and the vow.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ha! my little one,&rdquo; replied the hag, &ldquo;I am rather surprised that she
+      should go to Notre-Dame de l&rsquo;Egrignolles seeing that there are no handsome
+      priests there. She might very well stop for a short time beneath the
+      shadow the belfry of Marmoustiers; she would soon be fertile, those good
+      fathers are so lively.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;By a nun&rsquo;s oath!&rdquo; said a tramp walking up, &ldquo;look; the Sire de Montsoreau
+      is lively and delicate enough to open the lady&rsquo;s heart, the more so as he
+      is well formed to do so.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And all commenced a laugh. The Sire de Montsoreau wished to go to them and
+      hang them in lime-tree by the road as a punishment for their bad words,
+      but Blanche cried out quickly—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh, sir, do not hang them yet. They have not said all they mean; and we
+      shall see them on our return.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      She blushed, and the Sire de Montsoreau looked at her eagerly, as though
+      to shoot into her the mystic comprehensions of love, but the clearing out
+      of her intelligence had already been commenced by the sayings of the
+      peasants which were fructifying in her understanding —her innocence
+      was like touchwood, there was only need for a word to inflame it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Thus Blanche perceived now the notable and physical differences between
+      the qualities of her old husband and perfections of the said Gauttier, a
+      gentleman who was not over affected with his twenty-three years, but held
+      himself upright as a ninepin in the saddle, and as wide-awake as the matin
+      chimes, while in contrast to him, slept the seneschal; he had courage and
+      dexterity there where his master failed. He was one of those smart fellows
+      whom the jades would sooner wear at night than a leathern garment, because
+      they then no longer fear the fleas; there are some who vituperate them,
+      but no one should be blamed, because every one should sleep as he likes.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      So much did the seneschal&rsquo;s lady think, and so imperially well, that by
+      the time she arrived at the bridge of Tours, she loved Gauttier secretly,
+      as a maiden loves, without suspecting that it is love. From that she
+      became a proper woman, that is to say, she desired the good of others, the
+      best that men have, she fell into a fit of love-sickness, going at the
+      first jump to the depth of her misery, seeing that all is flame between
+      the first coveting and the last desire, and she knew not how she then
+      learned that by the eyes can flow in a subtle essence, causing such
+      powerful corrosions in all the veins of the body, recesses of the heart,
+      nerves of the members, roots of the hair, perspiration of the substance,
+      limbo of the brain, orifices of the epidermis, windings of the pluck,
+      tubes of the hypochondriac and other channels which in her was suddenly
+      dilated, heated, tickled, envenomed, clawed, harrowed, and disturbed, as
+      if she had a basketful of needles in her inside. This was a maiden&rsquo;s
+      desire, a well-conditioned desire, which troubled her sight to such a
+      degree that she no longer saw her old spouse, but clearly the young
+      Gauttier, whose nature was as ample as the glorious chin of an abbot. When
+      the good man entered Tours the Ah! Ah! of the crowd woke him up, and he
+      came with great pomp with his suite to the Church of Notre-Dame de
+      l&rsquo;Egrignolles, formerly called la greigneur, as if you said that which has
+      the most merit. Blanche went into the chapel where children are asked to
+      God and of the Virgin, and went there alone, as was the custom, always
+      however in the presence of the seneschal, of his varlets and the loiterers
+      who remained outside the grill. When the countess saw the priest come who
+      had charge of the masses said for children, and who received the said
+      vows, she asked him if there were many barren women. To which the good
+      priest replied, that he must not complain, and that the children were good
+      revenue to the Church.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And do you often see,&rdquo; said Blanche, &ldquo;young women with such old husbands
+      as my lord?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Rarely,&rdquo; said he.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;But have those obtained offspring?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Always,&rdquo; replied the priest smiling.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And the others whose companions are not so old?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Sometimes.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh! Oh!&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;there is more certainty then with one like the
+      seneschal?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;To be sure,&rdquo; said the priest.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Why?&rdquo; said she.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Madame,&rdquo; gravely replied priest, &ldquo;before that age God alone interferes
+      with the affair, after, it is the men.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      At this time it was a true thing that all the wisdom had gone to the
+      clergy. Blanch made her vow, which was a very profitable one, seeing that
+      her decorations were worth quite two thousand gold crowns.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You are very joyful!&rdquo; said the old seneschal to her when on the home
+      journey she made her mare prance, jump, and frisk.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, yes!&rdquo; said she. &ldquo;There is no longer any doubt about my having a
+      child, because any one can help me, the priest said: I shall take
+      Gauttier.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The seneschal wished to go and slay the monk, but he thought that was a
+      crime which would cost him too much, and he resolved cunningly to arrange
+      his vengeance with the help of the archbishop; and before the housetops of
+      Roche-Corbon came in sight he had ordered the Sire de Montsoreau to seek a
+      little retirement in his own country, which the young Gauttier did,
+      knowing the ways of the lord. The seneschal put in the place of the said
+      Gauttier the son of the Sire de Jallanges, whose fief was held from
+      Roche-Corbon. He was a young boy named Rene, approaching fourteen years,
+      and he made him a page, awaiting the time when he should be old enough to
+      be an equerry, and gave the command of his men to an old cripple, with
+      whom he had knocked about a great deal in Palestine and other places. Thus
+      the good man believed he would avoid the horned trappings of cuckoldom,
+      and would still be able to girth, bridle, and curb the factious innocence
+      of his wife, which struggled like a mule held by a rope.
+    </p>
+    <h3>
+      THAT WHICH IS ONLY A VENIAL SIN.
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      The Sunday following the arrival of Rene at the manor of Roche-Corbon,
+      Blanche went out hunting without her goodman, and when she was in the
+      forest near Les Carneaux, saw a monk who appeared to be pushing a girl
+      about more than was necessary, and spurred on her horse, saying to her
+      people, &ldquo;Ho there! Don&rsquo;t let him kill her.&rdquo; But when the seneschal&rsquo;s lady
+      arrived close to them, she turned her horse&rsquo;s head quickly and the sight
+      she beheld prevented her from hunting. She came back pensive, and then the
+      lantern of her intelligence opened, and received a bright light, which
+      made a thousand things clear, such as church and other pictures, fables,
+      and lays of the troubadours, or the domestic arrangements of birds;
+      suddenly she discovered the sweet mystery of love written in all
+      languages, even in that of the Carps&rsquo;. Is it not silly thus to seal this
+      science from maidens? Soon Blanche went to bed, and soon said she to the
+      seneschal—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Bruyn, you have deceived me, you ought to behave as the monk of the
+      Carneaux behaved to the girl.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Old Bruyn suspected the adventure, and saw well that his evil hour was at
+      hand. He regarded Blanche with too much fire in his eyes for the same
+      ardour to be lower down, and answered her softly—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Alas! sweetheart, in taking you for my wife I had more love than
+      strength, and I have taken advantage of your clemency and virtue. The
+      great sorrow of my life is to feel all my capability in my heart only.
+      This sorrow hastens my death little by little, so that you will soon be
+      free. Wait for my departure from this world. That is the sole request that
+      he makes of you, he who is your master, and who could command you, but who
+      wishes only to be your prime minister and slave. Do not betray the honour
+      of my white hairs! Under these circumstances there have been lords who
+      have slain their wives.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Alas! you will not kill me?&rdquo; said she.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No,&rdquo; replied the old man, &ldquo;I love thee too much, little one; why, thou
+      art the flower of my old age, the joy of my soul. Thou art my well-beloved
+      daughter; the sight of thee does good to mine eyes, and from thee I could
+      endure anything, be it a sorrow or a joy, provided that thou does not
+      curse too much the poor Bruyn who has made thee a great lady, rich and
+      honoured. Wilt thou not be a lovely widow? And thy happiness will soften
+      the pangs of death.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And he found in his dried-up eyes still one tear which trickled quite warm
+      down his fir-cone coloured face, and fell upon the hand of Blanche, who,
+      grieved to behold this great love of her old spouse who would put himself
+      under the ground to please her, said laughingly—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;There! there! don&rsquo;t cry, I will wait.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thereupon the seneschal kissed her hands and regaled her with little
+      endearments, saying with a voice quivering with emotion—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;If you knew, Blanche my darling, how I devour thee in thy sleep with
+      caresses, now here, now there!&rdquo; And the old ape patted her with his two
+      hands, which were nothing but bones. And he continued, &ldquo;I dared not waken
+      the cat that would have strangled my happiness, since at this occupation
+      of love I only embraced with my heart.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah!&rdquo; replied she, &ldquo;you can fondle me thus even when my eyes are open;
+      that has not the least effect upon me.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      At these words the poor seneschal, taking the little dagger which was on
+      the table by the bed, gave it to her, saying with passion—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My darling, kill me, or let me believe that you love me a little!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, yes,&rdquo; said she, quite frightened, &ldquo;I will try to love you much.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Behold how this young maidenhood made itself master of this old man and
+      subdued him, for in the name of the sweet face of Venus, Blanche, endowed
+      with the natural artfulness of women, made her old Bruyn come and go like
+      a miller&rsquo;s mule.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My good Bruyn, I want this! Bruyn, I want that—go on Bruyn!&rdquo; Bruyn!
+      Bruyn! And always Bruyn in such a way that Bruyn was more worn-out by the
+      clemency of his wife than he would have been by her unkindness. She turned
+      his brain wishing that everything should be in scarlet, making him turn
+      everything topsy-turvy at the least movement of her eyebrow, and when she
+      was sad the seneschal distracted, would say to everything from his
+      judicial seat, &ldquo;Hang him!&rdquo; Another would have died like a fly at this
+      conflict with the maid&rsquo;s innocence, but Bruyn was of such an iron nature
+      that it was difficult to finish him off. One evening that Blanche had
+      turned the house upside-down, upset the men and the beasts, and would by
+      her aggravating humour have made the eternal father desperate—he who
+      has such an infinite treasure of patience since he endures us—she
+      said to the seneschal while getting into bed, &ldquo;My good Bruyn, I have low
+      down fancies, that bite and prick me; thence they rise into my heart,
+      inflame my brain, incite me therein to evil deeds, and in the night I
+      dream of the monk of the Carneaux.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My dear,&rdquo; replied the seneschal, &ldquo;these are devilries and temptations
+      against which the monks and nuns know how to defend themselves. If you
+      will gain salvation, go and confess to the worthy Abbot of Marmoustiers,
+      our neighbour; he will advise you well and will holily direct you in the
+      good way.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Tomorrow I will go,&rdquo; said she.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      And indeed directly it was day, she trotted off to the monastery of the
+      good brethren, who marvelled to see among them so pretty a lady; committed
+      more than one sin through her in the evening; and for the present led her
+      with great ceremony to their reverend abbot.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Blanche found the said good man in a private garden near the high rock
+      under a flower arcade, and remained stricken with respect at the
+      countenance of the holy man, although she was accustomed not to think much
+      of grey hairs.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;God preserve you, Madame; what can you have to seek of one so near death,
+      you so young?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Your precious advice,&rdquo; said she, saluting him with a courtesy; &ldquo;and if it
+      will please you to guide so undutiful a sheep, I shall be well content to
+      have so wise a confessor.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My daughter,&rdquo; answered the monk, with whom old Bruyn had arranged this
+      hypocrisy and the part to play, &ldquo;if I had not the chills of a hundred
+      winters upon this unthatched head, I should not dare to listen to your
+      sins, but say on; if you enter paradise, it will be through me.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then the seneschal&rsquo;s wife set forth the small fry of her stock in hand,
+      and when she was purged of her little iniquities, she came to the
+      postscript of her confession.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! my father!&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;I must confess to you that I am daily
+      exercised by the desire to have a child. Is it wrong?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No,&rdquo; said the abbot.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But she went on, &ldquo;It is by nature commanded to my husband not to draw from
+      his wealth to bring about his poverty, as the old women say by the way.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Then,&rdquo; replied the priest, &ldquo;you must live virtuously and abstain from all
+      thoughts of this kind.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;But I have heard it professed by the Lady of Jallanges, that it was not a
+      sin when from it one derived neither profit nor pleasure.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;There always is pleasure,&rdquo; said the abbot, &ldquo;but don&rsquo;t count upon the
+      child as a profit. Now fix this in your understanding, that it will always
+      be a mortal sin before God and a crime before men to bring forth a child
+      through the embraces of a man to whom one is not ecclesiastically married.
+      Thus those women who offend against the holy laws of marriage, suffer
+      great penalties in the other world, are in the power of horrible monsters
+      with sharp and tearing claws, who thrust them into flaming furnaces in
+      remembrance of the fact that here below they have warmed their hearts a
+      little more than was lawful.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thereupon Blanche scratched her ear, and having thought to herself for a
+      little while, she said to the priest, &ldquo;How then did the Virgin Mary?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah!&rdquo; replied abbot, &ldquo;that it is a mystery.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And what is a mystery?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;A thing that cannot be explained, and which one ought to believe without
+      enquiring into it.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well then,&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;cannot I perform a mystery?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;This one,&rdquo; said the Abbot, &ldquo;only happened once, because it was the Son of
+      God.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Alas! my father, is it then the will of God that I should die, or that
+      from wise and sound comprehension my brain should be turned? Of this there
+      is a great danger. Now in me something moves and excites me, and I am no
+      longer in my senses. I care for nothing, and to find a man I would leap
+      the walls, dash over the fields without shame and tear my things into
+      tatters, only to see that which so much excited the monk of the Carneaux;
+      and during these passions which work and prick my mind and body, there is
+      neither God, devil, nor husband. I spring, I run, I smash up the
+      wash-tubs, the pots, the farm implements, a fowl-house, the household
+      things, and everything, in a way that I cannot describe. But I dare not
+      confess to you all my misdeeds, because speaking of them makes my mouth
+      water, and the thing with which God curses me makes me itch dreadfully. If
+      this folly bites and pricks me, and slays my virtue, will God, who has
+      placed this great love in my body, condemn me to perdition?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      At this question it was the priest who scratched his ear, quite
+      dumbfounded by the lamentations, profound wisdom, controversies and
+      intelligence that this virginity secreted.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My daughter,&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;God has distinguished us from the beasts and made
+      us a paradise to gain, and for this given us reason, which is a rudder to
+      steer us against tempests and our ambitious desires, and there is a means
+      of easing the imaginations of one&rsquo;s brain by fasting, excessive labours,
+      and other virtues; and instead of frisking and fretting like a child let
+      loose from school, you should pray to the virgin, sleep on a hard board,
+      attend to your household duties, and never be idle.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! my father, when I am at church in my seat, I see neither the priest
+      nor the altar, only the infant Jesus, who brings the thing into my head.
+      But to finish, if my head is turned and my mind wanders, I am in the
+      lime-twigs of love.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;If thus you were,&rdquo; said the abbot, imprudently, &ldquo;you would be in the
+      position of Saint Lidoire, who in a deep sleep one day, one leg here and
+      one leg there, through the great heat and scantily attired, was approached
+      by a young man full of mischief, who dexterously seduced her, and as of
+      this trick the saint was thoroughly ignorant, and much surprised at being
+      brought to bed, thinking that her unusual size was a serious malady, she
+      did penance for it as a venial sin, as she had no pleasure in this wicked
+      business, according to the statement of the wicked man, who said upon the
+      scaffold where he was executed, that the saint had in nowise stirred.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh, my father,&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;be sure that I should not stir more than she
+      did!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      With this statement she went away prettily and gracefully, smiling and
+      thinking how she could commit a venial sin. On her return from the great
+      monastery, she saw in the courtyard of her castle the little Jallanges,
+      who under the superintendence of an old groom was turning and wheeling
+      about on a fine horse, bending with the movements of the animal,
+      dismounting and mounting again with vaults and leaps most gracefully, and
+      with lissome thighs, so pretty, so dextrous, so upright as to be
+      indescribable, so much so, that he would have made the Queen Lucrece long
+      for him, she who killed herself from having been contaminated against her
+      will.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah!&rdquo; said Blanche, &ldquo;if only this page were fifteen, I would go to sleep
+      comfortably very near to him.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then, in spite of the too great youth of this charming servitor, during
+      the collation and supper, she eyed frequently the black hair, the white
+      skin, the grace of Rene, above all his eyes, where was an abundance of
+      limpid warmth and a great fire of life, which he was afraid to shoot out—child
+      that he was.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Now in the evening, as the seneschal&rsquo;s wife sat thoughtfully in her chair
+      in the corner of the fireplace, old Bruyn interrogated her as to her
+      trouble.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I am thinking.&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;that you must have fought the battles of love
+      very early, to be thus completely broken up.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh!&rdquo; smiled he, smiling like all old men questioned upon their amorous
+      remembrances, &ldquo;at the age of thirteen and a half I had overcome the
+      scruples of my mother&rsquo;s waiting woman.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Blanche wished to hear nothing more, but believed the page Rene should be
+      equally advanced, and she was quite joyous and practised little
+      allurements on the good man, and wallowed silently in her desire, like a
+      cake which is being floured.
+    </p>
+    <h3>
+      HOW AND BY WHOM THE SAID CHILD WAS PROCURED.
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      The seneschal&rsquo;s wife did not think long over the best way quickly to
+      awaken the love of the page, and had soon discovered the natural ambuscade
+      in the which the most wary are taken. This is how: at the warmest hour of
+      the day the good man took his siesta after the Saracen fashion, a habit in
+      which he had never failed, since his return from the Holy Land. During
+      this time Blanche was alone in the grounds, where the women work at their
+      minor occupations, such as broidering and stitching, and often remained in
+      the rooms looking after the washing, putting the clothes tidy, or running
+      about at will. Then she appointed this quiet hour to complete the
+      education of the page, making him read books and say his prayers. Now on
+      the morrow, when at the mid-day hour the seneschal slept, succumbing to
+      the sun which warms with its most luminous rays the slopes of
+      Roche-Corbon, so much so that one is obliged to sleep, unless annoyed,
+      upset, and continually roused by a devil of a young woman. Blanche then
+      gracefully perched herself in the great seignorial chair of her good man,
+      which she did not find any too high, since she counted upon the chances of
+      perspective. The cunning jade settled herself dextrously therein, like a
+      swallow in its nest, and leaned her head maliciously upon her arm like a
+      child that sleeps; but in making her preparations she opened fond eyes,
+      that smiled and winked in advance of the little secret thrills, sneezes,
+      squints, and trances of the page who was about to lie at her feet,
+      separated from her by the jump of an old flea; and in fact she advanced so
+      much and so near the square of velvet where the poor child should kneel,
+      whose life and soul she trifled with, that had he been a saint of stone,
+      his glance would have been constrained to follow the flexousities of the
+      dress in order to admire and re-admire the perfections and beauties of the
+      shapely leg, which moulded the white stocking of the seneschal&rsquo;s lady.
+      Thus it was certain that a weak varlet would be taken in the snare,
+      wherein the most vigorous knight would willingly have succumbed. When she
+      had turned, returned, placed and displaced her body, and found the
+      situation in which the page would be most comfortable, she cried, gently.
+      &ldquo;Rene!&rdquo; Rene, whom she knew well was in the guard-room, did not fail to
+      run in and quickly thrust his brown head between the tapestries of the
+      door.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What do you please to wish?&rdquo; said the page. And he held with great
+      respect in his hand his shaggy scarlet cap, less red than his fresh
+      dimpled cheeks.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Come hither,&rdquo; replied she, under her breath, for the child attracted her
+      so strongly that she was quite overcome.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      And forsooth there were no jewels so sparkling as the eyes of Rene, no
+      vellum whiter than his skin, no woman more exquisite in shape—and so
+      near to her desire, she found him still more sweetly formed—and was
+      certain that the merry frolics of love would radiate well from this youth,
+      the warm sun, the silence, et cetera.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Read me the litanies of Madame the Virgin,&rdquo; said she to him, pushing an
+      open book him on her prieu-dieu. &ldquo;Let me see if you are well taught by
+      your master.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Do you not think the Virgin beautiful?&rdquo; asked she of him, smiling when he
+      held the illuminated prayer-book in which glowed the silver and gold.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;It is a painting,&rdquo; replied he, timidly, and casting a little glance upon
+      his so gracious mistress.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Read! read!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then Rene began to recite the so sweet and so mystic litanies; but you may
+      imagine that the &ldquo;Ora pro nobis&rdquo; of Blanche became still fainter and
+      fainter, like the sound of the horn in the woodlands, and when the page
+      went on, &ldquo;Oh, Rose of mystery,&rdquo; the lady, who certainly heard distinctly,
+      replied by a gentle sigh. Thereupon Rene suspected that his mistress
+      slept. Then he commenced to cover her with his regard, admiring her at his
+      leisure, and had then no wish to utter any anthem save the anthem of love.
+      His happiness made his heart leap and bound into his throat; thus, as was
+      but natural, these two innocents burned one against the other, but if they
+      could have foreseen never would have intermingled. Rene feasted his eyes,
+      planning in his mind a thousand fruitions of love that brought the water
+      into his mouth. In his ecstasy he let his book fall, which made him feel
+      as sheepish as a monk surprised at a child&rsquo;s tricks; but also from that he
+      knew that Blanche was sound asleep, for she did not stir, and the wily
+      jade would not have opened her eyes even at the greatest dangers, and
+      reckoned on something else falling as well as the book of prayer.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      There is no worse longing than the longing of a woman in certain
+      condition. Now, the page noticed his lady&rsquo;s foot, which was delicately
+      slippered in a little shoe of a delicate blue colour. She had angularly
+      placed it on a footstool, since she was too high in the seneschal&rsquo;s chair.
+      This foot was of narrow proportions, delicately curved, as broad as two
+      fingers, and as long as a sparrow, tail included, small at the top—a
+      true foot of delight, a virginal foot that merited a kiss as a robber does
+      the gallows; a roguish foot; a foot wanton enough to damn an archangel; an
+      ominous foot; a devilishly enticing foot, which gave one a desire to make
+      two new ones just like it to perpetuate in this lower world the glorious
+      works of God. The page was tempted to take the shoe from this persuasive
+      foot. To accomplish this his eyes glowing with the fire of his age, went
+      swiftly, like the clapper of a bell, from this said foot of delectation to
+      the sleeping countenance of his lady and mistress, listening to her
+      slumber, drinking in her respiration again and again, it did not know
+      where it would be sweetest to plant a kiss—whether on the ripe red
+      lips of the seneschal&rsquo;s wife or on this speaking foot. At length, from
+      respect or fear, or perhaps from great love, he chose the foot, and kissed
+      it hastily, like a maiden who dares not. Then immediately he took up his
+      book, feeling his red cheeks redder still, and exercised with his
+      pleasure, he cried like a blind man—&ldquo;<i>Janua coeli,: gate of Heaven</i>.&rdquo;
+       But Blanche did not move, making sure that the page would go from foot to
+      knee, and thence to &ldquo;<i>Janua coeli,: gate of Heaven</i>.&rdquo; She was greatly
+      disappointed when the litanies finished without any other mischief, and
+      Rene, believing he had had enough happiness for one day, ran out of the
+      room quite lively, richer from this hardy kiss than a robber who has
+      robbed the poor-box.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When the seneschal&rsquo;s lady was alone, she thought to herself that this page
+      would be rather a long time at his task if he amused himself with the
+      singing of the Magnificat at matins. Then she determined on the morrow to
+      raise her foot a little, and then to bring to light those hidden beauties
+      that are called perfect in Touraine, because they take no hurt in the open
+      air, and are always fresh. You can imagine that the page, burned by his
+      desire and his imagination, heated by the day before, awaited impatiently
+      the hour to read in this breviary of gallantry, and was called; and the
+      conspiracy of the litanies commenced again, and Blanche did not fail to
+      fall asleep. This time the said Rene fondled with his hand the pretty
+      limb, and even ventured so far as to verify if the polished knee and its
+      surroundings were satin. At this sight the poor child, armed against his
+      desire, so great was his fear, dared only to make brief devotion and curt
+      caresses, and although he kissed softly this fair surface, he remained
+      bashful, the which, feeling by the senses of her soul and the intelligence
+      of her body, the seneschal&rsquo;s lady who took great care not to move, called
+      out to him—&ldquo;Ah, Rene, I am asleep.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Hearing what he believed to be a stern reproach, the page frightened ran
+      away, leaving the books, the task, and all. Thereupon, the seneschal&rsquo;s
+      better half added this prayer to the litany—&ldquo;Holy Virgin, how
+      difficult children are to make.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      At dinner her page perspired all down his back while waiting on his lady
+      and her lord; but he was very much surprised when he received from Blanche
+      the most shameless of all glances that ever woman cast, and very pleasant
+      and powerful it was, seeing that it changed this child into a man of
+      courage. Now, the same evening Bruyn staying a little longer than was his
+      custom in his own apartment, the page went in search of Blanche, and found
+      her asleep, and made her dream a beautiful dream.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He knocked off the chains that weighed so heavily upon her, and so
+      plentifully bestowed upon her the sweets of love, that the surplus would
+      have sufficed to render to others blessed with the joys of maternity. So
+      then the minx, seizing the page by the head and squeezing him to her,
+      cried out—&ldquo;Oh, Rene! Thou hast awakened me!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And in fact there was no sleep could stand against it, and it is certain
+      that saints must sleep very soundly. From this business, without any other
+      mystery, and by a benign faculty which is the assisting principle of
+      spouses, the sweet and graceful plumage, suitable to cuckolds, was placed
+      upon the head of the good husband without his experiencing the slightest
+      shock.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      After this sweet repast, the seneschal&rsquo;s lady took kindly to her siesta
+      after the French fashion, while Bruyn took his according to the Saracen.
+      But by the said siesta she learned how the good youth of the page had a
+      better taste than that of the old seneschal, and at night she buried
+      herself in the sheets far away from her husband, whom she found strong and
+      stale. And from sleeping and waking up in the day, from taking siestas and
+      saying litanies, the seneschal&rsquo;s wife felt growing within her that
+      treasure for which she had so often and so ardently sighed; but now she
+      liked more the commencement than the fructifying of it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      You may be sure that Rene knew how to read, not only in books, but in the
+      eyes of his sweet lady, for whom he would have leaped into a flaming pile,
+      had it been her wish he should do so. When well and amply, more than a
+      hundred times, the train had been laid by them, the little lady became
+      anxious about her soul and the future of her friend the page. Now one
+      rainy day, as they were playing at touch-tag, like two children, innocent
+      from head to foot, Blanche, who was always caught, said to him—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Come here, Rene; do you know that while I have only committed venial sins
+      because I was asleep, you have committed mortal ones?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah, Madame!&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;where then will God stow away all the damned if
+      that is to sin!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Blanche burst out laughing, and kissed his forehead.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Be quiet, you naughty boy; it is a question of paradise, and we must live
+      there together if you wish always to be with me.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh, my paradise is here.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Leave off,&rdquo; said she. &ldquo;You are a little wretch—a scapegrace who
+      does not think of that which I love—yourself! You do not know that I
+      am with child, and that in a little while I shall be no more able to
+      conceal it than my nose. Now, what will the abbot say? What will my lord
+      say? He will kill you if he puts himself in a passion. My advice is little
+      one, that you go to the abbot of Marmoustiers, confess your sins to him,
+      asking him to see what had better be done concerning my seneschal.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Alas,&rdquo; said the artful page, &ldquo;if I tell the secret of our joys, he will
+      put his interdict upon our love.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Very likely,&rdquo; said she; &ldquo;but thy happiness in the other world is a thing
+      so precious to me.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Do you wish it my darling?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; replied she rather faintly.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well, I will go, but sleep again that I may bid you adieu.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And the couple recited the litany of Farewells as if they had both
+      foreseen that their love must finish in its April. And on the morrow, more
+      to save his dear lady than to save himself, and also to obey her, Rene de
+      Jallanges set out towards the great monastery.
+    </p>
+    <h3>
+      HOW THE SAID LOVE-SIN WAS REPENTED OF AND LED TO GREAT MOURNING.
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Good God!&rdquo; cried the abbot, when the page had chanted the Kyrie eleison
+      of his sweet sins, &ldquo;thou art the accomplice of a great felony, and thou
+      has betrayed thy lord. Dost thou know page of darkness, that for this thou
+      wilt burn through all eternity? and dost thou know what it is to lose
+      forever the heaven above for a perishable and changeful moment here below?
+      Unhappy wretch! I see thee precipitated for ever in the gulfs of hell
+      unless thou payest to God in this world that which thou owest him for such
+      offence.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thereupon the good old abbot, who was of that flesh of which saints are
+      made, and who had great authority in the country of Touraine, terrified
+      the young man by a heap of representations, Christian discourses,
+      remembrances of the commandments of the Church, and a thousand eloquent
+      things—as many as a devil could say in six weeks to seduce a maiden—but
+      so many that Rene, who was in the loyal fervour of innocence, made his
+      submission to the good abbot. The said abbot, wishing to make forever a
+      good and virtuous man of this child, now in a fair way to be a wicked one,
+      commanded him first to go and prostrate himself before his lord, to
+      confess his conduct to him, and then if he escaped from this confession,
+      to depart instantly for the Crusades, and go straight to the Holy Land,
+      where he should remain fifteen years of the time appointed to give battle
+      to the Infidels.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Alas, my reverend father,&rdquo; said he, quite unmoved, &ldquo;will fifteen years be
+      enough to acquit me of so much pleasure? Ah! If you knew, I have had joy
+      enough for a thousand years.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;God will be generous. Go,&rdquo; replied the old abbot, &ldquo;and sin no more. On
+      this account, <i>ego te absolvo</i>.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Poor Rene returned thereupon with great contrition to the castle of
+      Roche-Corbon and the first person he met was the seneschal, who was
+      polishing up his arms, helmets, gauntlets, and other things. He was
+      sitting on a great marble bench in the open air, and was amusing himself
+      by making shine again the splendid trappings which brought back to him the
+      merry pranks in the Holy Land, the good jokes, and the wenches, et cetera.
+      When Rene fell upon his knees before him, the good lord was much
+      astonished.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What is it?&rdquo; said he.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My lord,&rdquo; replied Rene, &ldquo;order these people to retire.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Which the servants having done, the page confessed his fault, recounting
+      how he had assailed his lady in her sleep, and that for certain he had
+      made her a mother in imitation of the man and the saint, and came by order
+      of the confessor to put himself at the disposition of the offended person.
+      Having said which, Rene de Jallanges cast down his lovely eyes, which had
+      produced all the mischief, and remained abashed, prostrate without fear,
+      his arms hanging down, his head bare, awaiting his punishment, and
+      humbling himself to God. The seneschal was not so white that he could not
+      become whiter, and now he blanched like linen newly dried, remaining dumb
+      with passion. And this old man who had not in his veins the vital force to
+      procreate a child, found in this moment of fury more vigour than was
+      necessary to undo a man. He seized with his hairy right hand his heavy
+      club, lifted it, brandished it and adjusted it so easily you could have
+      thought it a bowl at a game of skittles, to bring it down upon the pale
+      forehead of the said Rene, who knowing that he was greatly in fault
+      towards his lord, remained placid, and stretching his neck, thought that
+      he was about to expiate his sin for his sweetheart in this world and in
+      the other.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But his fair youth, and all the natural seductions of this sweet crime,
+      found grace before the tribunal of the heart of this old man, although
+      Bruyn was still severe, and throwing his club away on to a dog who was
+      catching beetles, he cried out, &ldquo;May a thousand million claws, tear during
+      all eternity, all the entrails of him, who made him, who planted the oak,
+      that made the chair, on which thou hast antlered me—and the same to
+      those who engendered thee, cursed page of misfortune! Get thee to the
+      devil, whence thou camest—go out from before me, from the castle,
+      from the country, and stay not here one moment more than is necessary,
+      otherwise I will surely prepare for thee a death by slow fire that shall
+      make thee curse twenty times an hour thy villainous and ribald partner!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Hearing the commencement of these little speeches of the seneschal, whose
+      youth came back in his oaths, the page ran away, escaping the rest: and he
+      did well. Bruyn, burning with a fierce rage, gained the gardens speedily,
+      reviling everything by the way, striking and swearing; he even knocked
+      over three large pans held by one of his servants, was carrying the mess
+      to the dogs, and he was so beside himself that he would have killed a
+      labourer for a &ldquo;thank you.&rdquo; He soon perceived his unmaidenly maiden, who
+      was looking towards the road to the monastery, waiting for the page, and
+      unaware that she would never see him again.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah, my lady! By the devil&rsquo;s red three-pronged fork, am I a swallower of
+      tarradiddles and a child, to believe that you are so fashioned that a page
+      can behave in this manner and you not know it? By the death! By the head!
+      By the blood!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Hold!&rdquo; she replied, seeing that the mine was sprung, &ldquo;I knew it well
+      enough, but as you had not instructed me in these matters I thought that I
+      was dreaming!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The great ire of the seneschal melted like snow in the sun, for the direst
+      anger of God himself would have vanished at a smile from Blanche.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;May a thousand millions of devils carry off this alien child! I swear
+      that—&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;There! there! do not swear,&rdquo; said she. &ldquo;If it is not yours, it is mine;
+      and the other night did you not tell me you loved everything that came
+      from me?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thereupon she ran on with such a lot of arguments, hard words, complaints,
+      quarrels, tears, and other paternosters of women; such as —firstly
+      the estates would not have to be returned to the king; that never had a
+      child been brought more innocently into the world, that this, that that, a
+      thousand things; until the good cuckold relented, and Blanche, seizing a
+      propitious interruption said—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And where it is the page?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Gone to the devil!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What, have you killed him?&rdquo; said she. She turned pale and tottered.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Bruyn did not know what would become of him when he saw thus fall all the
+      happiness of his old age, and he would to save her have shown her this
+      page. He ordered him to be sought, but Rene had run off at full speed,
+      fearing he should be killed; and departed for the lands beyond the seas,
+      in order to accomplish his vow of religion. When Blanche had learned from
+      the above-mentioned abbot the penitence imposed upon her well beloved, she
+      fell into a state of great melancholy, saying at times, &ldquo;Where is he, the
+      poor unfortunate, who is in the middle of great dangers for love of me?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And always kept on asking, like a child who gives its mother no rest until
+      its request be granted it. At these lamentations the poor seneschal,
+      feeling himself to blame, endeavoured to do a thousand things, putting one
+      out of the question, in order to make Blanche happy; but nothing was equal
+      to the sweet caresses of the page. However, she had one day the child so
+      much desired. You may be sure that was a fine festival for the good
+      cuckold, for the resemblance to the father was distinctly engraved upon
+      the face of this sweet fruit of love. Blanche consoled herself greatly,
+      and picked up again a little of her old gaiety and flower of innocence,
+      which rejoiced the aged hours of the seneschal. From constantly seeing the
+      little one run about, watching its laughs answer those of the countess, he
+      finished by loving it, and would have been in a great rage with anyone who
+      had not believed him its father.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Now as the adventure of Blanche and her page had not been carried beyond
+      the castle, it was related throughout Touraine that Messire Bruyn had
+      still found himself sufficiently in funds to afford a child. Intact
+      remained the virtue of Blanche, and by the quintessence of instruction
+      drawn by her from the natural reservoir of women, she recognised how
+      necessary it was to be silent concerning the venial sin with which her
+      child was covered. So she became modest and good, and was cited as a
+      virtuous person. And then to make use of him she experimented on the
+      goodness of her good man, and without giving him leave to go further than
+      her chin, since she looked upon herself as belonging to Rene, Blanche, in
+      return for the flowers of age which Bruyn offered her, coddled him, smiled
+      upon him, kept him merry, and fondled him with pretty ways and tricks,
+      which good wives bestow upon the husbands they deceive; and all so well,
+      that the seneschal did not wish to die, squatted comfortably in his chair,
+      and the more he lived the more he became partial to life. But to be brief,
+      one night he died without knowing where he was going, for he said to
+      Blanche, &ldquo;Ho! ho! My dear, I see thee no longer! Is it night?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      It was the death of the just, and he had well merited it as a reward for
+      his labours in the Holy Land.
+    </p>
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/080s.jpg" alt="080s " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h4>
+      <a href="images/080.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a
+      href="images/080m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a>
+    </h4>
+    <p>
+      Blanche held for his death a great and true mourning, weeping for him as
+      one weeps for one&rsquo;s father. She remained melancholy, without wishing to
+      lend her ear to the music of a second wedding, for which she was praised
+      by all good people, who knew not that she had a husband in her heart, a
+      life in hope; but she was the greater part of her time a widow in fact and
+      widow in heart, because hearing no news of her lover at the Crusades, the
+      poor Countess reputed him dead, and during certain nights seeing him
+      wounded and lying at full length, she would wake up in tears. She lived
+      thus for fourteen years in the remembrance of one day of happiness.
+      Finally, one day when she had with her certain ladies of Touraine, and
+      they were talking together after dinner, behold her little boy, who was at
+      that time about thirteen and a half, and resembled Rene more than it is
+      allowable for a child to resemble his father, and had nothing of the Sire
+      Bruyn about him but his name—behold the little one, a madcap and
+      pretty like his mother, who came in from the garden, running, perspiring,
+      panting, jumping, scattering all things in his way, after the uses and
+      customs of infancy, and who ran straight to his well-beloved mother,
+      jumping into her lap, and interrupting the conversation, cried out—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh, mother I want to speak to you, I have seen in the courtyard a
+      pilgrim, who squeezed me very tight.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah!&rdquo; cried the chatelaine, hurrying towards one of the servants who had
+      charge of the young count and watched over his precious days, &ldquo;I have
+      forbidden you ever to leave my son in the hands of strangers, not even in
+      those of the holiest man in the world. You quit my service.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Alas! my lady,&rdquo; replied the old equerry, quite overcome, &ldquo;this one wished
+      him no harm for he wept while kissing him passionately.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;He wept?&rdquo; said she; &ldquo;ah! it&rsquo;s the father.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Having said which, she leaned her head of upon the chair in which she was
+      sitting, and which you may be sure was the chair in which she has sinned.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Hearing these strange words the ladies was so surprised that at first they
+      did not perceive that the seneschal&rsquo;s widow was dead, without its ever
+      been known if her sudden death was caused by her sorrow at the departure
+      of her lover, who, faithful to his vow, did not wish to see her, or from
+      great joy at his return and the hope of getting the interdict removed
+      which the Abbot of Marmoustiers had placed upon their loves. And there was
+      a great mourning for her, for the Sire de Jallanges lost his spirits when
+      he saw his lady laid in the ground, and became a monk of Marmoustiers,
+      which at that time was called by some Maimoustier, as much as to say Maius
+      Monasterium, the largest monastery, and it was indeed the finest in all
+      France.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0008" id="link2H_4_0008">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE KING&rsquo;S SWEETHEART
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      There lived at this time at the forges of the Pont-aux-Change, a goldsmith
+      whose daughter was talked about in Paris on account of her great beauty,
+      and renowned above all things for her exceeding gracefulness. There were
+      those who sought her favours by the usual tricks of love and, but others
+      offered large sums of money to the father to give them his daughter in
+      lawful wedlock, the which pleased him not a little.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      One of his neighbours, a parliamentary advocate, who by selling his
+      cunning devices to the public had acquired as many lands as a dog has
+      fleas, took it into his head to offer the said father a domain in
+      consideration of his consent to this marriage, which he ardently desired
+      to undertake. To this arrangement our goldsmith was nothing loth. He
+      bargained away his daughter, without taking into consideration the fact
+      that her patched-up old suitor had the features of an ape and had scarcely
+      a tooth in his jaws. The smell which emanated from his mouth did not
+      however disturb his own nostrils, although he was filthy and high
+      flavoured, as are all those who pass their lives amid the smoke of
+      chimneys, yellow parchment, and other black proceedings. Immediately this
+      sweet girl saw him she exclaimed, &ldquo;Great Heaven! I would rather not have
+      him.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;That concerns me not,&rdquo; said the father, who had taken a violent fancy to
+      the proffered domain. &ldquo;I give him to you for a husband. You must get on as
+      well as you can together. That is his business now, and his duty is to
+      make himself agreeable to you.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Is it so?&rdquo; said she. &ldquo;Well then, before I obey your orders I&rsquo;ll let him
+      know what he may expect.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And the same evening, after supper, when the love-sick man of law was
+      pleading his cause, telling her he was mad for her, and promising her a
+      life of ease and luxury, she taking him up, quickly remarked—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My father had sold me to you, but if you take me, you will make a bad
+      bargain, seeing that I would rather offer myself to the passers-by than to
+      you. I promise you a disloyalty that will only finish with death—yours
+      or mine.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then she began to weep, like all young maidens will before they become
+      experienced, for afterwards they never cry with their eyes. The good
+      advocate took this strange behaviour for one of those artifices by which
+      the women seek to fan the flames of love and turn the devotion of their
+      admirers into the more tender caress and more daring osculation that
+      speaks a husband&rsquo;s right. So that the knave took little notice of it, but
+      laughing at the complaints of the charming creature, asked her to fix the
+      day.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;To-morrow,&rdquo; replied she, &ldquo;for the sooner this odious marriage takes
+      place, the sooner I shall be free to have gallants and to lead the gay
+      life of those who love where it pleases them.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thereupon the foolish fellow—as firmly fixed as a fly in a glue pot
+      —went away, made his preparations, spoke at the Palace, ran to the
+      High Court, bought dispensations, and conducted his purchase more quickly
+      than he ever done one before, thinking only of the lovely girl. Meanwhile
+      the king, who had just returned from a journey, heard nothing spoken of at
+      court but the marvellous beauty of the jeweller&rsquo;s daughter who had refused
+      a thousand crowns from this one, snubbed that one; in fact, would yield to
+      no one, but turned up her nose at the finest young men of the city,
+      gentlemen who would have forfeited their seat in paradise only to possess
+      one day, this little dragon of virtue.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The good king, was a judge of such game, strolled into the town, past the
+      forges, and entered the goldsmith&rsquo;s shop, for the purpose of buying jewels
+      for the lady of his heart, but at the same time to bargain for the most
+      precious jewel in the shop. The king not taking a fancy to the jewels, or
+      they not being to his taste, the good man looked in a secret drawer for a
+      big white diamond.
+    </p>
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/086s.jpg" alt="086s " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h4>
+      <a href="images/086.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a
+      href="images/086m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a>
+    </h4>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Sweetheart,&rdquo; said he, to the daughter, while her father&rsquo;s nose was buried
+      in the drawer, &ldquo;sweetheart, you were not made to sell precious stones, but
+      to receive them, and if you were to give me all the little rings in the
+      place to choose from, I know one that many here are mad for; that pleases
+      me; to which I should ever be subject and servant; and whose price the
+      whole kingdom of France could never pay.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! sire!&rdquo; replied the maid, &ldquo;I shall be married to-morrow, but if you
+      will lend me the dagger that is in your belt, I will defend my honour, and
+      you shall take it, that the gospel made be observed wherein it says, &lsquo;<i>Render
+      unto Caesar the things which be Caesar&rsquo;s&rsquo; . . .</i>&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Immediately the king gave her the little dagger, and her brave reply
+      rendered him so amorous that he lost his appetite. He had an apartment
+      prepared, intending to lodge his new lady-love in the Rue a l&rsquo;Hirundelle,
+      in one of his palaces.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      And now behold my advocate, in a great hurry to get married, to the
+      disgust of his rivals, the leading his bride to the altar to the clang of
+      bells and the sound of music, so timed as to provoke the qualms of
+      diarrhoea. In the evening, after the ball, comes he into the nuptial
+      chamber, where should be reposing his lovely bride. No longer is she a
+      lovely bride—but a fury—a wild she-devil, who, seated in an
+      armchair, refuses her share of her lord&rsquo;s couch, and sits defiantly before
+      the fire warming at the same time her ire and her calves. The good
+      husband, quite astonished, kneels down gently before her, inviting her to
+      the first passage of arms in that charming battle which heralds a first
+      night of love; but she utters not a word, and when he tries to raise her
+      garment, only just to glance at the charms that have cost him so dear, she
+      gives him a slap that makes his bones rattle, and refuses to utter a
+      syllable.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This amusement, however, by no means displeased our friend the advocate,
+      who saw at the end of his troubles that which you can as well imagine as
+      he did; so played he his share of the game manfully, taking cheerfully the
+      punishment bestowed upon him. By so much hustling about, scuffling, and
+      struggling he managed at last to tear away a sleeve, to slit a petticoat,
+      until he was able to place his hand upon his own property. This bold
+      endeavour brought Madame to her feet and drawing the king&rsquo;s dagger, &ldquo;What
+      would you with me?&rdquo; she cried.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Everything,&rdquo; answered he.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ha! I should be a great fool to give myself against my inclination! If
+      you fancied you would find my virtue unarmed you made a great error.
+      Behold the poniard of the king, with which I will kill you if you make the
+      semblance of a step towards me.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      So saying, she took a cinder, and having still her eyes upon her lord she
+      drew a circle on the floor, adding, &ldquo;These are the confines of the king&rsquo;s
+      domain. Beware how you pass them.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/092s.jpg" alt="092s " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h4>
+      <a href="images/092.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a
+      href="images/092m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a>
+    </h4>
+    <p>
+      The advocate, with whose ideas of love-making the dagger sadly interfered,
+      stood quite discomfited, but at the same time he heard the cruel speech of
+      his tormentor he caught sight through the slits and tears in her robe of a
+      sweet sample of a plump white thigh, and such voluptuous specimens of
+      hidden mysteries, et cetera, that death seemed sweet to him if he could
+      only taste of them a little. So that he rushed within the domain of the
+      king, saying, &ldquo;I mind not death.&rdquo; In fact he came with such force that his
+      charmer fell backwards onto the bed, but keeping her presence of mind she
+      defended herself so gallantly that the advocate enjoyed no further
+      advantage than a knock at the door that would not admit him, and he gained
+      as well a little stab from the poniard which did not wound him deeply, so
+      that it did not cost him very dearly, his attack upon the realm of his
+      sovereign. But maddened with this slight advantage, he cried, &ldquo;I cannot
+      live without the possession of that lovely body, and those marvels of
+      love. Kill me then!&rdquo; And again he attacked the royal preserves. The young
+      beauty, whose head was full of the king, was not even touched by this
+      great love, said gravely, &ldquo;If you menace me further, it is not you but
+      myself I will kill.&rdquo; She glared at him so savagely that the poor man was
+      quite terrified, and commenced to deplore the evil hour in which he had
+      taken her to wife, and thus the night which should have been so joyous,
+      was passed in tears, lamentations, prayers, and ejaculations. In vain he
+      tempted her with promises; she should eat out of gold, she should be a
+      great lady, he would buy houses and lands for her. Oh! if she would only
+      let him break one lance with her in the sweet conflict of love, he would
+      leave her for ever and pass the remainder of his life according to her
+      fantasy. But she, still unyielding, said she would permit him to die, and
+      that was the only thing he could do to please her.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I have not deceived you,&rdquo; said she. &ldquo;Agreeable to my promise, I shall
+      give myself to the king, making you a present of the peddler, chance
+      passers, and street loungers with whom I threatened you.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      When the day broke she put on her wedding garments and waited patiently
+      till the poor husband had to depart to his office client&rsquo;s business, and
+      then ran out into the town to seek the king. But she had not gone a
+      bow-shot from the house before one of the king&rsquo;s servants who had watched
+      the house from dawn, stopped her with the question—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Do you seek the king?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; said she.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Good; then allow me to be your good friend,&rdquo; said the subtle courtier. &ldquo;I
+      ask your aid and protection, as now I give you mine.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      With that he told her what sort of a man the king was, which was his weak
+      side, that he was passionate one day and silent the next, that she would
+      luxuriously lodged and well kept, but that she must keep the king well in
+      hand; in short, he chatted so pleasantly that the time passed quickly
+      until she found herself in the Hotel de l&rsquo;Hirundelle where afterwards
+      lived Madame d&rsquo;Estampes. The poor husband shed scalding tears, when he
+      found his little bird had flown, and became melancholy and pensive. His
+      friends and neighbours edified his ears with as many taunts and jeers as
+      Saint Jacques had the honour of receiving in Compostella, but the poor
+      fellow took it so to heart, that at last they tried rather to assuage his
+      grief. These artful compeers by a species of legal chicanery, decreed that
+      the good man was not a cuckold, seeing that his wife had refused a
+      consummation, and if the planter of horns had been anyone but the king,
+      the said marriage might have been dissolved; but the amorous spouse was
+      wretched unto death at my lady&rsquo;s trick. However, he left her to the king,
+      determining one day to have her to himself, and thinking that a life-long
+      shame would not be too dear a payment for a night with her. One must love
+      well to love like that, eh? and there are many worldly ones, who mock at
+      such affection. But he, still thinking of her, neglected his cases and his
+      clients, his robberies and everything. He went to the palace like a miser
+      searching for a lost sixpence, bowed down, melancholy, and absent-minded,
+      so much so, that one day he relieved himself against the robe of a
+      counsellor, believing all the while he stood against a wall. Meanwhile the
+      beautiful girl was loved night and day by the king, who could not tear
+      himself from her embraces, because in amorous play she was so excellent,
+      knowing as well how to fan the flame of love as to extinguish it—to-day
+      snubbing him, to-morrow petting him, never the same, and with it a
+      thousand little tricks to charm the ardent lover.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      A lord of Bridore killed himself through her, because she would not
+      receive his embraces, although he offered her his land, Bridore in
+      Touraine. Of these gallants of Touraine, who gave an estate for one tilt
+      with love&rsquo;s lance, there are none left. This death made the fair one sad,
+      and since her confessor laid the blame of it upon her, she determined for
+      the future to accept all domains and secretly ease their owner&rsquo;s amorous
+      pains for the better saving of their souls from perdition. &lsquo;Twas thus she
+      commenced to build up that great fortune which made her a person of
+      consideration in the town. By this means she prevented many gallant
+      gentlemen from perishing, playing her game so well, and inventing such
+      fine stories, that his Majesty little guessed how much she aided him in
+      securing the happiness of his subjects. The fact is, she has such a hold
+      over him that she could have made him believe the floor was the ceiling,
+      which was perhaps easier for him to think than anyone else seeing that at
+      the Rue d&rsquo;Hirundelle my lord king passed the greater portion of his time
+      embracing her always as though he would see if such a lovely article would
+      wear away: but he wore himself out first, poor man, seeing that he
+      eventually died from excess of love. Although she took care to grant her
+      favours only to the best and noblest in the court, and that such occasions
+      were rare as miracles, there were not wanting those among her enemies and
+      rivals who declared that for 10,000 crowns a simple gentleman might taste
+      the pleasures of his sovereign, which was false above all falseness, for
+      when her lord taxed her with it, did she not reply, &ldquo;Abominable wretches!
+      Curse the devils who put this idea in your head! I never yet did have man
+      who spent less than 30,000 crowns upon me.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The king, although vexed could not repress a smile, and kept her on a
+      month to silence scandal. And last, la demoiselle de Pisseleu, anxious to
+      obtain her place, brought about her ruin. Many would have liked to be
+      ruined in the same way, seeing she was taken by a young lord, was happy
+      with him, the fires of love in her being still unquenched. But to take up
+      the thread again. One day that the king&rsquo;s sweetheart was passing through
+      the town in her litter to buy laces, furs, velvets, broideries, and other
+      ammunition, and so charmingly attired, and looking so lovely, that anyone,
+      especially the clerks, would have believed the heavens were open above
+      them, behold, her good man, who comes upon her near the old cross. She, at
+      that time lazily swinging her charming little foot over the side of the
+      litter, drew in her head as though she had seen an adder. She was a good
+      wife, for I know some who would have proudly passed their husbands, to
+      their shame and to the great disrespect of conjugal rights.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What is the matter?&rdquo; asked one M. de Lannoy, who humbly accompanied her.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Nothing,&rdquo; she whispered; &ldquo;but that person is my husband. Poor man, how
+      changed he looks. Formerly he was the picture of a monkey; today he is the
+      very image of a Job.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The poor advocate stood opened-mouthed. His heart beat rapidly at the
+      sight of that little foot—of that wife so wildly loved.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Observing which, the Sire de Lannoy said to him, with courtly innocence—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;If you are her husband, is that any reason you should stop her passage?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      At this she burst out laughing, and the good husband instead of killing
+      her bravely, shed scalding tears at that laugh which pierced his heart,
+      his soul, his everything, so much that he nearly tumbled over an old
+      citizen whom the sight of the king&rsquo;s sweetheart had driven against the
+      wall. The aspect of this weak flower, which had been his in the bud, but
+      far from him had spread its lovely leaves; of the fairy figure, the
+      voluptuous bust—all this made the poor advocate more wretched and
+      more mad for her than it is possible to express in words. You must have
+      been madly in love with a woman who refuses your advances thoroughly to
+      understand the agony of this unhappy man. Rare indeed is it to be so
+      infatuated as he was. He swore that life, fortune, honour—all might
+      go, but that for once at least he would be flesh-to-flesh with her, and
+      make so grand a repast off her dainty body as would suffice him all his
+      life. He passed the night saying, &ldquo;oh yes; ah! I&rsquo;ll have her!&rdquo; and &ldquo;Curses
+      am I not her husband?&rdquo; and &ldquo;Devil take me,&rdquo; striking himself on the
+      forehead and tossing about. There are chances and occasions which occur so
+      opportunely in this world that little-minded men refuse them credence,
+      saying they are supernatural, but men of high intellect know them to be
+      true because they could not be invented. One of the chances came to the
+      poor advocate, even the day after that terrible one which had been so sore
+      a trial to him. One of his clients, a man of good renown, who had his
+      audiences with the king, came one morning to the advocate, saying that he
+      required immediately a large sum of money, about 12,000 crowns. To which
+      the artful fellow replied, 12,000 crowns were not so often met at the
+      corner of a street as that which often is seen at the corner of the
+      street; that besides the sureties and guarantees of interest, it was
+      necessary to find a man who had about him 12,000 crowns, and that those
+      gentlemen were not numerous in Paris, big city as it was, and various
+      other things of a like character the man of cunning remarked.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Is it true, my lord, the you have a hungry and relentless creditor?&rdquo; said
+      he.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, yes,&rdquo; replied the other, &ldquo;it concerns the mistress of the king.
+      Don&rsquo;t breathe a syllable; but this evening, in consideration of 20,000
+      crowns and my domain of Brie, I shall take her measure.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Upon this the advocate blanched, and the courtier perceived he touched a
+      tender point. As he had only lately returned from the wars, he did not
+      know that the lovely woman adored by the king had a husband.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You appear ill,&rdquo; he said.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I have a fever,&rdquo; replied the knave. &ldquo;But is it to her that you give the
+      contract and the money?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Who then manages the bargain? Is it she also?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No,&rdquo; said the noble; &ldquo;her little arrangements are concluded through a
+      servant of hers, the cleverest little ladies&rsquo;-maid that ever was. She&rsquo;s
+      sharper than mustard, and these nights stolen from the king have lined her
+      pockets well.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I know a Lombard who would accommodate you. But nothing can be done; of
+      the 12,000 crowns you shall not have a brass farthing if this same
+      ladies&rsquo;-maid does not come here to take the price of the article that is
+      so great an alchemist that turns blood into gold, by Heaven!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;It will be a good trick to make her sign the receipt,&rdquo; replied the lord,
+      laughing.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The servant came faithfully to the rendezvous with the advocate, who had
+      begged the lord to bring her. The ducats looked bright and beautiful.
+      There they lay all in a row, like nuns going to vespers. Spread out upon
+      the table they would have made a donkey smile, even if he were being
+      gutted alive; so lovely, so splendid, were those brave noble young piles.
+      The good advocate, however, had prepared this view for no ass, for the
+      little handmaiden look longingly at the golden heap, and muttered a prayer
+      at the sight of them. Seeing which, the husband whispered in her ear his
+      golden words, &ldquo;These are for you.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah!&rdquo; said she; &ldquo;I have never been so well paid.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My dear,&rdquo; replied the dear man, &ldquo;you shall have them without being
+      troubled with me;&rdquo; and turning her round, &ldquo;Your client has not told you
+      who I am, eh? No? Learn then, I am the husband of the lady whom the king
+      has debauched, and whom you serve. Carry her these crowns, and come back
+      here. I will hand over yours to you on a condition which will be to your
+      taste.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The servant did as she was bidden, and being very curious to know how she
+      could get 12,000 crowns without sleeping with the advocate, was very soon
+      back again.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Now, my little one,&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;here are 12,000 crowns. With this sum I
+      could buy lands, men, women, and the conscience of three priests at least;
+      so that I believe if I give it to you I can have you, body, soul, and toe
+      nails. And I shall have faith in you like an advocate, I expect that you
+      will go to the lord who expects to pass the night with my wife, and you
+      will deceive him, by telling him that the king is coming to supper with
+      her, and that to-night he must seek his little amusements elsewhere. By so
+      doing I shall be able to take his place and the king&rsquo;s.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;But how?&rdquo; said she.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh!&rdquo; replied he; &ldquo;I have bought you, you and your tricks. You won&rsquo;t have
+      to look at these crowns twice without finding me a way to have my wife. In
+      bringing this conjunction about you commit no sin. It is a work of piety
+      to bring together two people whose hands only been put one in to the
+      other, and that by the priest.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;By my faith, come,&rdquo; said she; &ldquo;after supper the lights will be put out,
+      and you can enjoy Madame if you remain silent. Luckily, on these joyful
+      occasions she cries more than she speaks, and asks questions with her
+      hands alone, for she is very modest, and does not like loose jokes, like
+      the ladies of the Court.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh,&rdquo; cried the advocate, &ldquo;look, take the 12,000 crowns, and I promise you
+      twice as much more if I get by fraud that which belongs to me by right.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then he arranged the hour, the door, the signal, and all; and the servant
+      went away, bearing with her on the back of the mules the golden treasure
+      wrung by fraud and trickery from the widow and the orphan, and they were
+      all going to that place where everything goes—save our lives, which
+      come from it. Now behold my advocate, who shaves himself, scents himself,
+      goes without onions for dinner that his breath may be sweet, and does
+      everything to make himself as presentable as a gallant signor. He gives
+      himself the airs of a young dandy, tries to be lithe and frisky and to
+      disguise his ugly face; he might try all he knew, he always smelt of the
+      musty lawyer. He was not so clever as the pretty washerwoman of Portillon
+      who one day wishing to appear at her best before one of her lovers, got
+      rid of a disagreeable odour in a manner well known to young women of an
+      inventive turn of mind. But our crafty fellow fancied himself the nicest
+      man in the world, although in spite of his drugs and perfumes he was
+      really the nastiest. He dressed himself in his thinnest clothes although
+      the cold pinched him like a rope collar and sallied forth, quickly gaining
+      the Rue d&rsquo;Hirundelle. There he had to wait some time. But just as he was
+      beginning to think he had been made a fool of, and just as it was quite
+      dark, the maid came down and opened alike the door to him and good husband
+      slipped gleefully into the king&rsquo;s apartment. The girl locked him carefully
+      in a cupboard that was close to his wife&rsquo;s bed, and through a crack he
+      feasted his eyes upon her beauty, for she undressed herself before the
+      fire, and put on a thin nightgown, through which her charms were plainly
+      visible. Believing herself alone with her maid she made those little jokes
+      that women will when undressing. &ldquo;Am I not worth 20,000 crowns to-night?
+      Is that overpaid with a castle in Brie?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And saying this she gently raised two white supports, firm as rocks, which
+      had well sustained many assaults, seeing they had been furiously attacked
+      and had not softened. &ldquo;My shoulders alone are worth a kingdom; no king
+      could make their equal. But I am tired of this life. That which is hard
+      work is no pleasure.&rdquo; The little maid smiled, and her lovely mistress said
+      to her, &ldquo;I should like to see you in my place.&rdquo; Then the maid laughed,
+      saying—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Be quiet, Madame, he is there.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Who?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Your husband.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Which?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The real one.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Chut!&rdquo; said Madame.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      And her maid told her the whole story, wishing to keep her favour and the
+      12,000 crowns as well.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh well, he shall have his money&rsquo;s worth. I&rsquo;ll give his desires time to
+      cool. If he tastes me may I lose my beauty and become as ugly as a
+      monkey&rsquo;s baby. You get into bed in my place and thus gain the 12,000
+      crowns. Go and tell him that he must take himself off early in the morning
+      in order that I may not find out your trick upon me, and just before dawn
+      I will get in by his side.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The poor husband was freezing and his teeth were chattering, and the
+      chambermaid coming to the cupboard on pretence of getting some linen, said
+      to him, &ldquo;Your hour of bliss approaches. Madame to-night has made grand
+      preparations and you will be well served. But work without whistling,
+      otherwise I shall be lost.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      At last, when the good husband was on the point of perishing with cold,
+      the lights were put out. The maid cried softly in the curtains to the
+      king&rsquo;s sweetheart, that his lordship was there, and jumped into bed, while
+      her mistress went out as if she had been the chambermaid. The advocate,
+      released from his cold hiding-place, rolled rapturously into the warm
+      sheets, thinking to himself, &ldquo;Oh! this is good!&rdquo; To tell the truth, the
+      maid gave him his money&rsquo;s worth—and the good man thought of the
+      difference between the profusion of the royal houses and the niggardly
+      ways of the citizens&rsquo; wives. The servant laughing, played her part
+      marvellously well, regaling the knave with gentle cries, shiverings,
+      convulsions and tossings about, like a newly-caught fish on the grass,
+      giving little Ah! Ahs! in default of other words; and as often as the
+      request was made by her, so often was it complied with by the advocate,
+      who dropped of to sleep at last, like an empty pocket. But before
+      finishing, the lover who wished to preserve a souvenir of this sweet night
+      of love, by a dextrous turn, plucked out one of his wife&rsquo;s hairs, where
+      from I know not, seeing I was not there, and kept in his hand this
+      precious gauge of the warm virtue of that lovely creature. Towards the
+      morning, when the cock crew, the wife slipped in beside her husband, and
+      pretended to sleep. Then the maid tapped gently on the happy man&rsquo;s
+      forehead, whispering in his ear, &ldquo;It is time, get into your clothes and
+      off you go—it&rsquo;s daylight.&rdquo; The good man grieved to lose his
+      treasure, and wished to see the source of his vanished happiness.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh! Oh!&rdquo; said he, proceeding to compare certain things, &ldquo;I&rsquo;ve got light
+      hair, and this is dark.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What have you done?&rdquo; said the servant; &ldquo;Madame will see she has been
+      duped.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;But look.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah!&rdquo; said she, with an air of disdain, &ldquo;do you not know, you who knows
+      everything, that that which is plucked dies and discolours?&rdquo; and thereupon
+      roaring with laughter at the good joke, she pushed him out of doors. This
+      became known. The poor advocate, named Feron, died of shame, seeing that
+      he was the only one who had not his own wife while she, who was from this
+      was called La Belle Feroniere, married, after leaving the king, a young
+      lord, Count of Buzancois. And in her old days she would relate the story,
+      laughingly adding, that she had never scented the knave&rsquo;s flavour.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This teaches us not to attach ourselves more than we can help to wives who
+      refuse to support our yoke.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0009" id="link2H_4_0009">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE DEVIL&rsquo;S HEIR
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      There once was a good old canon of Notre Dame de Paris, who lived in a
+      fine house of his own, near St. Pierre-aux-Boeufs, in the Parvis. This
+      canon had come a simple priest to Paris, naked as a dagger without its
+      sheath. But since he was found to be a handsome man, well furnished with
+      everything, and so well constituted, that if necessary he was able to do
+      the work of many, without doing himself much harm, he gave himself up
+      earnestly to the confessing of ladies, giving to the melancholy a gentle
+      absolution, to the sick a drachm of his balm, to all some little dainty.
+      He was so well known for his discretion, his benevolence, and other
+      ecclesiastical qualities, that he had customers at Court. Then in order
+      not to awaken the jealousy of the officials, that of the husbands and
+      others, in short, to endow with sanctity these good and profitable
+      practices, the Lady Desquerdes gave him a bone of St. Victor, by virtue of
+      which all the miracles were performed. And to the curious it was said, &ldquo;He
+      has a bone which will cure everything;&rdquo; and to this, no one found anything
+      to reply, because it was not seemly to suspect relics. Beneath the shade
+      of his cassock, the good priest had the best of reputations, that of a man
+      valiant under arms. So he lived like a king. He made money with holy
+      water; sprinkled it and transmitted the holy water into good wine. More
+      than that, his name lay snugly in all the et ceteras of the notaries, in
+      wills or in caudicils, which certain people have falsely written <i>codicil</i>,
+      seeing that the word is derived from cauda, as if to say the tail of the
+      legacy. In fact, the good old Long Skirts would have been made an
+      archbishop if he had only said in joke, &ldquo;I should like to put on a mitre
+      for a handkerchief in order to have my head warmer.&rdquo; Of all the benefices
+      offered to him, he chose only a simple canon&rsquo;s stall to keep the good
+      profits of the confessional. But one day the courageous canon found
+      himself weak in the back, seeing that he was all sixty-eight years old,
+      and had held many confessionals. Then thinking over all his good works, he
+      thought it about time to cease his apostolic labours, the more so, as he
+      possessed about one hundred thousand crowns earned by the sweat of his
+      body. From that day he only confessed ladies of high lineage, and did it
+      very well. So that it was said at Court that in spite of the efforts of
+      the best young clerks there was still no one but the Canon of St.
+      Pierre-aux-Boeufs to properly bleach the soul of a lady of condition. Then
+      at length the canon became by force of nature a fine nonagenarian, snowy
+      about the head, with trembling hands, but square as a tower, having spat
+      so much without coughing, that he coughed now without being able to spit;
+      no longer rising from his chair, he who had so often risen for humanity;
+      but drinking dry, eating heartily, saying nothing, but having all the
+      appearance of a living Canon of Notre Dame. Seeing the immobility of the
+      aforesaid canon; seeing the stories of his evil life which for some time
+      had circulated among the common people, always ignorant; seeing his dumb
+      seclusion, his flourishing health, his young old age, and other things too
+      numerous to mention—there were certain people who to do the
+      marvellous and injure our holy religion, went about saying that the true
+      canon was long since dead, and that for more than fifty years the devil
+      had taken possession of the old priest&rsquo;s body. In fact, it seemed to his
+      former customers that the devil could only by his great heat have
+      furnished these hermetic distillations, that they remembered to have
+      obtained on demand from this good confessor, who always had le diable au
+      corps. But as this devil had been undoubtedly cooked and ruined by them,
+      and that for a queen of twenty years he would not have moved,
+      well-disposed people and those not wanting in sense, or the citizens who
+      argued about everything, people who found lice in bald heads, demanded why
+      the devil rested under the form of a canon, went to the Church of Notre
+      Dame at the hours when the canons usually go, and ventured so far as to
+      sniff the perfume of the incense, taste the holy water, and a thousand
+      other things. To these heretical propositions some said that doubtless the
+      devil wished to convert himself, and others that he remained in the shape
+      of the canon to mock at the three nephews and heirs of this said brave
+      confessor and make them wait until the day of their own death for the
+      ample succession of this uncle, to whom they paid great attention every
+      day, going to look if the good man had his eyes open, and in fact found
+      him always with his eye clear, bright, and piercing as the eye of a
+      basilisk, which pleased them greatly, since they loved their uncle very
+      much—in words. On this subject an old woman related that for certain
+      the canon was the devil, because his two nephews, the procureur and the
+      captain, conducting their uncle at night, without a lamp, or lantern,
+      returning from a supper at the penitentiary&rsquo;s, had caused him by accident
+      to tumble over a heap of stones gathered together to raise the statue of
+      St. Christopher. At first the old man had struck fire in falling, but was,
+      amid the cries of his dear nephews and by the light of the torches they
+      came to seek at her house found standing up as straight as a skittle and
+      as gay as a weaving whirl, exclaiming that the good wine of the
+      penitentiary had given him the courage to sustain this shock and that his
+      bones were exceedingly hard and had sustained rude assaults. The good
+      nephews believing him dead, were much astonished, and perceived that the
+      day that was to dispatch their uncle was a long way off, seeing that at
+      the business stones were of no use. So that they did not falsely call him
+      their good uncle, seeing that he was of good quality. Certain
+      scandalmongers said that the canon found so many stones in his path that
+      he stayed at home not to be ill with the stone, and the fear of worse was
+      the cause of his seclusion.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Of all these sayings and rumours, it remains that the old canon, devil or
+      not, kept his house, and refused to die, and had three heirs with whom he
+      lived as with his sciaticas, lumbagos, and other appendage of human life.
+      Of the said three heirs, one was the wickedest soldier ever born of a
+      woman, and he must have considerably hurt her in breaking his egg, since
+      he was born with teeth and bristles. So that he ate, two-fold, for the
+      present and the future, keeping wenches whose cost he paid; inheriting
+      from his uncle the continuance, strength, and good use of that which is
+      often of service. In great battles, he endeavoured always to give blows
+      without receiving them, which is, and always will be, the only problem to
+      solve in war, but he never spared himself there, and, in fact, as he had
+      no other virtue except his bravery, he was captain of a company of
+      lancers, and much esteemed by the Duke of Burgoyne, who never troubled
+      what his soldiers did elsewhere. This nephew of the devil was named
+      Captain Cochegrue; and his creditors, the blockheads, citizens, and
+      others, whose pockets he slit, called him the Mau-cinge, since he was as
+      mischievous as strong; but he had moreover his back spoilt by the natural
+      infirmity of a hump, and it would have been unwise to attempt to mount
+      thereon to get a good view, for he would incontestably have run you
+      through.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The second had studied the laws, and through the favour of his uncle had
+      become a procureur, and practised at the palace, where he did the business
+      of the ladies, whom formerly the canon had the best confessed. This one
+      was called Pille-grue, to banter him upon his real name, which was
+      Cochegrue, like that of his brother the captain. Pille-grue had a lean
+      body, seemed to throw off very cold water, was pale of face, and possessed
+      a physiognomy like a polecat.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This notwithstanding, he was worth many a penny more than the captain, and
+      had for his uncle a little affection, but since about two years his heart
+      had cracked a little, and drop by drop his gratitude had run out, in such
+      a way that from time to time, when the air was damp, he liked to put his
+      feet into his uncle&rsquo;s hose, and press in advance the juice of this good
+      inheritance. He and his brother, the soldier found their share very small,
+      since loyally, in law, in fact, in justice, in nature, and in reality, it
+      was necessary to give the third part of everything to a poor cousin, son
+      of another sister of the canon, the which heir, but little loved by the
+      good man, remained in the country, where he was a shepherd, near Nanterre.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The guardian of beasts, an ordinary peasant, came to town by the advice of
+      his two cousins, who placed him in their uncle&rsquo;s house, in the hope that,
+      as much by his silly tricks and his clumsiness, his want of brain, and his
+      ignorance, he would be displeasing to the canon, who would kick him out of
+      his will. Now this poor Chiquon, as the shepherd was named, had lived
+      about a month alone with his old uncle, and finding more profit or more
+      amusement in minding an abbot than looking after sheep, made himself the
+      canon&rsquo;s dog, his servant, the staff of his old age, saying, &ldquo;God keep
+      you,&rdquo; when he passed wind, &ldquo;God save you,&rdquo; when he sneezed, and &ldquo;God guard
+      you,&rdquo; when he belched; going to see if it rained, where the cat was,
+      remaining silent, listening, speaking, receiving the coughs of the old man
+      in his face, admiring him as the finest canon there ever was in the world,
+      all heartily and in good faith, knowing that he was licking him after the
+      manner of animals who clean their young ones; and the uncle, who stood in
+      no need of learning which side the bread was buttered, repulsed poor
+      Chiquon, making him turn about like a die, always calling him Chiquon, and
+      always saying to his other nephews that this Chiquon was helping to kill
+      him, such a numskull was he. Thereupon, hearing this, Chiquon determined
+      to do well by his uncle, and puzzled his understanding to appear better;
+      but as he had a behind shaped like a pair of pumpkins, was broad
+      shouldered, large limbed, and far from sharp, he more resembled old
+      Silenus than a gentle Zephyr. In fact, the poor shepherd, a simple man,
+      could not reform himself, so he remained big and fat, awaiting his
+      inheritance to make himself thin.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      One evening the canon began discoursing concerning the devil and the grave
+      agonies, penances, tortures, etc., which God will get warm for the
+      accursed, and the good Chiquon hearing it, began to open his eyes as wide
+      as the door of an oven, at the statement, without believing a word of it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What,&rdquo; said the canon, &ldquo;are you not a Christian?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;In that, yes,&rdquo; answered Chiquon.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well, there is a paradise for the good; is it not necessary to have a
+      hell for the wicked?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, Mr. Canon; but the devil&rsquo;s of no use. If you had here a wicked man
+      who turned everything upside down; would you not kick him out of doors?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, Chiquon.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh, well, mine uncle; God would be very stupid to leave in the this
+      world, which he has so curiously constructed, an abominable devil whose
+      special business it is to spoil everything for him. Pish! I recognise no
+      devil if there be a good God; you may depend upon that. I should very much
+      like to see the devil. Ha, ha! I am not afraid of his claws!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And if I were of your opinion I should have no care of my very youthful
+      years in which I held confessions at least ten times a day.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Confess again, Mr. Canon. I assure you that will be a precious merit on
+      high.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;There, there! Do you mean it?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, Mr. Canon.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Thou dost not tremble, Chiquon, to deny the devil?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I trouble no more about it than a sheaf of corn.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The doctrine will bring misfortune upon you.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;By no means. God will defend me from the devil because I believe him more
+      learned and less stupid than the savans make him out.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thereupon the two other nephews entered, and perceiving from the voice of
+      the canon that he did not dislike Chiquon very much, and that the
+      jeremiads which he had made concerning him were simple tricks to disguise
+      the affection which he bore him, looked at each other in great
+      astonishment.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then, seeing their uncle laughing, they said to him—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;If you will make a will, to whom will you leave the house?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;To Chiquon.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And the quit rent of the Rue St. Denys?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;To Chiquon.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And the fief of Ville Parisis?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;To Chiquon.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;But,&rdquo; said the captain, with his big voice, &ldquo;everything then will be
+      Chiquon&rsquo;s.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No,&rdquo; replied the canon, smiling, &ldquo;because I shall have made my will in
+      proper form, the inheritance will be to the sharpest of you three; I am so
+      near to the future, that I can therein see clearly your destinies.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And the wily canon cast upon Chiquon a glance full of malice, like a decoy
+      bird would have thrown upon a little one to draw him into her net. The
+      fire of his flaming eye enlightened the shepherd, who from that moment had
+      his understanding and his ears all unfogged, and his brain open, like that
+      of a maiden the day after her marriage. The procureur and the captain,
+      taking these sayings for gospel prophecies, made their bow and went out
+      from the house, quite perplexed at the absurd designs of the canon.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What do you think of Chiquon?&rdquo; said Pille-grue to Mau-cinge.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I think, I think,&rdquo; said the soldier, growling, &ldquo;that I think of hiding
+      myself in the Rue d&rsquo;Hierusalem, to put his head below his feet; he can
+      pick it up again if he likes.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh, oh!&rdquo; said the procureur, &ldquo;you have a way of wounding that is easily
+      recognised, and people would say &lsquo;It&rsquo;s Cochegrue.&rsquo; As for me, I thought to
+      invite him to dinner, after which, we would play at putting ourselves in a
+      sack in order to see, as they do at Court, who could walk best thus
+      attired. Then having sewn him up, we could throw him into the Seine, at
+      the same time begging him to swim.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;This must be well matured,&rdquo; replied the soldier.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh! it&rsquo;s quite ripe,&rdquo; said the advocate. &ldquo;The cousin gone to the devil,
+      the heritage would then be between us two.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I&rsquo;m quite agreeable,&rdquo; said the fighter, &ldquo;but we must stick as close
+      together as the two legs of the same body, for if you are fine as silk, I
+      as strong as steel, and daggers are always as good as traps —you
+      hear that, my good brother.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; said the advocate, &ldquo;the cause is heard—now shall it be the
+      thread or the iron?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Eh? ventre de Dieu! is it then a king that we are going to settle? For a
+      simple numskull of a shepherd are so many words necessary? Come! 20,000
+      francs out of the Heritage to the one of us who shall first cut him off:
+      I&rsquo;ll say to him in good faith, &lsquo;Pick up your head.&rsquo;&rdquo;
+     </p>
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/115s.jpg" alt="115s " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h4>
+      <a href="images/115.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a
+      href="images/115m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a>
+    </h4>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And I, &lsquo;Swim my friend,&rsquo;&rdquo; cried the advocate, laughing like the gap of a
+      pourpoint.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      And then they went to supper, the captain to his wench, and the advocate
+      to the house of a jeweller&rsquo;s wife, of whom he was the lover.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Who was astonished? Chiquon! The poor shepherd heard the planning of his
+      death, although the two cousins had walked in the parvis, and talked to
+      each other as every one speaks at church when praying to God. So that
+      Chiquon was much coupled to know if the words had come up or if his ears
+      had gone down.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Do you hear, Mister Canon?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;I hear the wood crackling in the fire.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ho, ho!&rdquo; replied Chiquon, &ldquo;if I don&rsquo;t believe in the devil, I believe in
+      St. Michael, my guardian angel; I go there where he calls me.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Go, my child,&rdquo; said the canon, &ldquo;and take care not to wet yourself, nor to
+      get your head knocked off, for I think I hear more rain, and the beggars
+      in the street are not always the most dangerous beggars.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      At these words Chiquon was much astonished, and stared at the canon; found
+      his manner gay, his eye sharp, and his feet crooked; but as he had to
+      arrange matters concerning the death which menaced him, he thought to
+      himself that he would always have leisure to admire the canon, or to cut
+      his nails, and he trotted off quickly through the town, as a little woman
+      trots towards her pleasure.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      His two cousins having no presumption of the divinatory science, of which
+      shepherds have had many passing attacks, had often talked before him of
+      their secret goings on, counting him as nothing.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Now one evening, to amuse the canon, Pille-grue had recounted to him how
+      had fallen in love with him a wife of a jeweller on whose head he had
+      adjusted certain carved, burnished, sculptured, historical horns, fit for
+      the brow of a prince. The good lady was to hear him, a right merry wench,
+      quick at opportunities, giving an embrace while her husband was mounting
+      the stairs, devouring the commodity as if she was swallowing a a
+      strawberry, only thinking of love-making, always trifling and frisky, gay
+      as an honest woman who lacks nothing, contenting her husband, who
+      cherished her so much as he loved his own gullet; subtle as a perfume, so
+      much so, that for five years she managed so well with his household
+      affairs, and her own love affairs, that she had the reputation of a
+      prudent woman, the confidence of her husband, the keys of the house, the
+      purse, and all.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And when do you play upon this gentle flute?&rdquo; said the canon.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Every evening and sometimes I stay all the night.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;But how?&rdquo; said the canon, astonished.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;This is how. There is a room close to, a chest into which I get. When the
+      good husband returns from his friend the draper&rsquo;s, where he goes to supper
+      every evening, because often he helps the draper&rsquo;s wife in her work, my
+      mistress pleads a slight illness, lets him go to bed alone, and comes to
+      doctor her malady in the room where the chest is. On the morrow, when my
+      jeweller is at his forge, I depart, and as the house has one exit on to
+      the bridge, and another into the street, I always come to the door when
+      the husband is not, on the pretext of speaking to him of his suits, which
+      commence joyfully and heartily, and I never let them come to an end. It is
+      an income from cuckoldom, seeing that in the minor expenses and loyal
+      costs of the proceedings, he spends as much as on the horses in his
+      stable. He loves me well, as all good cuckolds should love the man who
+      aids them, to plant, cultivate, water and dig the natural garden of Venus,
+      and he does nothing without me.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Now these practices came back again to the memory of the shepherd, who was
+      illuminated by the light issuing from his danger, and counselled by the
+      intelligence of those measures of self-preservation, of which every animal
+      possesses a sufficient dose to go to the end of his ball of life. So
+      Chiquon gained with hasty feet the Rue de la Calandre, where the jeweller
+      should be supping with his companion, and after having knocked at the
+      door, replied to question put to him through the little grill, that he was
+      a messenger on state secrets, and was admitted to the draper&rsquo;s house. Now
+      coming straight to the fact, he made the happy jeweller get up from his
+      table, led him to a corner, and said to him: &ldquo;If one of your neighbours
+      had planted a horn on your forehead and he was delivered to you, bound
+      hand and foot, would you throw him into the river?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Rather,&rdquo; said the jeweller, &ldquo;but if you are mocking me I&rsquo;ll give you a
+      good drubbing.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;There, there!&rdquo; replied Chiquon, &ldquo;I am one of your friends and come to
+      warn you that as many times as you have conversed with the draper&rsquo;s wife
+      here, as often has your own wife been served the same way by the advocate
+      Pille-grue, and if you will come back to your forge, you will find a good
+      fire there. On your arrival, he who looks after your you-know-what, to
+      keep it in good order, gets into the big clothes chest. Now make a
+      pretence that I have bought the said chest of you, and I will be upon the
+      bridge with a cart, waiting your orders.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The said jeweller took his cloak and his hat, and parted company with his
+      crony without saying a word, and ran to his hole like a poisoned rat. He
+      arrives and knocks, the door is opened, he runs hastily up the stairs,
+      finds two covers laid, sees his wife coming out of the chamber of love,
+      and then says to her, &ldquo;My dear, here are two covers laid.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well, my darling are we not two?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No,&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;we are three.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Is your friend coming?&rdquo; said she, looking towards the stairs with perfect
+      innocence.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No, I speak of the friend who is in the chest.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What chest?&rdquo; said she. &ldquo;Are you in your sound senses? Where do you see a
+      chest? Is the usual to put friends in chests? Am I a woman to keep chests
+      full of friends? How long have friends been kept in chests? Are you come
+      home mad to mix up your friends with your chests? I know no other friend
+      then Master Cornille the draper, and no other chest than the one with our
+      clothes in.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh!&rdquo; said the jeweller, &ldquo;my good woman, there is a bad young man, who has
+      come to warn me that you allow yourself to be embraced by our advocate,
+      and that he is in the chest.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I!&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;I would not put up with his knavery, he does everything
+      the wrong way.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;There, there, my dear,&rdquo; replied the jeweller, &ldquo;I know you to be a good
+      woman, and won&rsquo;t have a squabble with you about this paltry chest. The
+      giver of the warning is a box-maker, to whom I am about to sell this
+      cursed chest that I wish never again to see in my house, and for this one
+      he will sell me two pretty little ones, in which there will not be space
+      enough even for a child; thus the scandal and the babble of those envious
+      of your virtue will be extinguished for want of nourishment.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You give me great pleasure,&rdquo; said she; &ldquo;I don&rsquo;t attach any value to my
+      chest, and by chance there is nothing in it. Our linen is at the wash. It
+      will be easy to have the mischievous chest taken away tomorrow morning.
+      Will you sup?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Not at all,&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;I shall sup with a better appetite without the
+      chest.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I see,&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;that you won&rsquo;t easily get the chest out of your head.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Halloa, there!&rdquo; said the jeweller to his smiths and apprentices; &ldquo;come
+      down!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      In the twinkling of an eye his people were before him. Then he, their
+      master, having briefly ordered the handling of the said chest, this piece
+      of furniture dedicated to love was tumbled across the room, but in passing
+      the advocate, finding his feet in the air to the which he was not
+      accustomed, tumbled over a little.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Go on,&rdquo; said the wife, &ldquo;go on, it&rsquo;s the lid shaking.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No, my dear, it&rsquo;s the bolt.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And without any other opposition the chest slid gently down the stairs.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ho there, carrier!&rdquo; said the jeweller, and Chiquon came whistling his
+      mules, and the good apprentices lifted the litigious chest into the cart.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Hi, hi!&rdquo; said the advocate.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Master, the chest is speaking,&rdquo; said an apprentice.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;In what language?&rdquo; said the jeweller, giving him a good kick between two
+      features that luckily were not made of glass. The apprentice tumbled over
+      on to a stair in a way that induced him to discontinue his studies in the
+      language of chests. The shepherd, accompanied by the good jeweller,
+      carried all the baggage to the water-side without listening to the high
+      eloquence of the speaking wood, and having tied several stones to it, the
+      jeweller threw it into the Seine.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Swim, my friend,&rdquo; cried the shepherd, in a voice sufficiently jeering at
+      the moment when the chest turned over, giving a pretty little plunge like
+      a duck.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then Chiquon continued to proceed along the quay, as far as the
+      Rue-du-port, St. Laudry, near the cloisters of Notre Dame. There he
+      noticed a house, recognised the door, and knocked loudly.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Open,&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;open by order of the king.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Hearing this an old man who was no other than the famous Lombard,
+      Versoris, ran to the door.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What is it?&rdquo; said he.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I am sent by the provost to warn you to keep good watch tonight,&rdquo; replied
+      Chiquon, &ldquo;as for his own part he will keep his archers ready. The
+      hunchback who has robbed you has come back again. Keep under arms, for he
+      is quite capable of easing you of the rest.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Having said this, the good shepherd took to his heels and ran to the Rue
+      des Marmouzets, to the house where Captain Cochegrue was feasting with La
+      Pasquerette, the prettiest of town-girls, and the most charming in
+      perversity that ever was; according to all the gay ladies, her glance was
+      sharp and piercing as the stab of a dagger. Her appearance was so tickling
+      to the sight, that it would have put all Paradise to rout. Besides which
+      she was as bold as a woman who has no other virtue than her insolence.
+      Poor Chiquon was greatly embarrassed while going to the quarter of the
+      Marmouzets. He was greatly afraid that he would be unable to find the
+      house of La Pasquerette, or find the two pigeons gone to roost, but a good
+      angel arranged there speedily to his satisfaction. This is how. On
+      entering the Rue des Marmouzets he saw several lights at the windows and
+      night-capped heads thrust out, and good wenches, gay girls, housewives,
+      husbands, and young ladies, all of them are just out of bed, looking at
+      each other as if a robber were being led to execution by torchlight.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What&rsquo;s the matter?&rdquo; said the shepherd to a citizen who in great haste had
+      rushed to the door with a chamber utensil in his hand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh! it&rsquo;s nothing,&rdquo; replied the good man. &ldquo;We thought it was the Armagnacs
+      descending upon the town, but it&rsquo;s only Mau-cinge beating La Pasquerette.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Where?&rdquo; asked the shepherd.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Below there, at that fine house where the pillars have the mouths of
+      flying frogs delicately carved upon them. Do you hear the varlets and the
+      serving maids?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And in fact there was nothing but cries of &ldquo;Murder! Help! Come some one!&rdquo;
+       and in the house blows raining down and the Mau-cinge said with his gruff
+      voice:
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Death to the wench! Ah, you sing out now, do you? Ah, you want your money
+      now, do you? Take that—&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And La Pasquerette was groaning, &ldquo;Oh! oh! I die! Help! Help! Oh! oh!&rdquo; Then
+      came the blow of a sword and the heavy fall of a light body of the fair
+      girl sounded, and was followed by a great silence, after which the lights
+      were put out, servants, waiting women, roysterers, and others went in
+      again, and the shepherd who had come opportunely mounted the stairs in
+      company with them, but on beholding in the room above broken glasses, slit
+      carpets, and the cloth on the floor with the dishes, everyone remained at
+      a distance.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The shepherd, bold as a man with but one end in view, opened the door of
+      the handsome chamber where slept La Pasquerette, and found her quite
+      exhausted, her hair dishevelled, and her neck twisted, lying upon a bloody
+      carpet, and Mau-cinge frightened, with his tone considerably lower, and
+      not knowing upon what note to sing the remainder of his anthem.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Come, my little Pasquerette, don&rsquo;t pretend to be dead. Come, let me put
+      you tidy. Ah! little minx, dead or alive, you look so pretty in your blood
+      I&rsquo;m going to kiss you.&rdquo; Having said which the cunning soldier took her and
+      threw her upon the bed, but she fell there all of a heap, and stiff as the
+      body of a man that had been hanged. Seeing which her companion found it
+      was time for his hump to retire from the game; however, the artful fellow
+      before slinking away said, &ldquo;Poor Pasquerette, how could I murder so good
+      of girl, and one I loved so much? But, yes, I have killed her, the thing
+      is clear, for in her life never did her sweet breast hang down like that.
+      Good God, one would say it was a crown at the bottom of a wallet.
+      Thereupon Pasquerette opened her eyes and then bent her head slightly to
+      look at her flesh, which was white and firm, and she brought herself to
+      life by a box on the ears, administered to the captain.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;That will teach you to beware of the dead,&rdquo; said she, smiling.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And why did he kill you, my cousin?&rdquo; asked the shepherd.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Why? Tomorrow the bailiffs seize everything that&rsquo;s here, and he who has
+      no more money than virtue, reproached me because I wished to be agreeable
+      to a handsome gentlemen, who would save me from the hands of justice.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Pasquerette, I&rsquo;ll break every bone in your skin.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;There, there!&rdquo; said Chiquon, whom the Mau-cinge had just recognised, &ldquo;is
+      that all? Oh, well, my good friend, I bring you a large sum.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Where from?&rdquo; asked the captain, astonished.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Come here, and let me whisper in your ear—if 30,000 crowns were
+      walking about at night under the shadow of a pear-tree, would you not
+      stoop down to pluck them, to prevent them spoiling?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Chiquon, I&rsquo;ll kill you like a dog if you are making game of me, or I will
+      kiss you there where you like it, if you will put me opposite 30,000
+      crowns, even when it shall be necessary to kill three citizens at the
+      corner of the Quay.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You will not even kill one. This is how the matter stands. I have for a
+      sweetheart in all loyalty, the servant of the Lombard who is in the city
+      near the house of our good uncle. Now I have just learned on sound
+      information that this dear man has departed this morning into the country
+      after having hidden under a pear-tree in his garden a good bushel of gold,
+      believing himself to be seen only by the angels. But the girl who had by
+      chance a bad toothache, and was taking the air at her garret window, spied
+      the old crookshanks, without wishing to do so, and chattered of it to me
+      in fondness. If you will swear to give me a good share I will lend you my
+      shoulders in order that you may climb on to the top of the wall and from
+      there throw yourself into the pear-tree, which is against the wall. There,
+      now do you say that I am a blockhead, an animal?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No, you are a right loyal cousin, an honest man, and if you have ever to
+      put an enemy out off the way, I am there, ready to kill even one of my own
+      friends for you. I am no longer your cousin, but your brother. Ho there!
+      sweetheart,&rdquo; cried Mau-cinge to La Pasquerette, &ldquo;put the tables straight,
+      wipe up your blood, it belongs to me, and I&rsquo;ll pay you for it by giving
+      you a hundred times as much of mine as I have taken of thine. Make the
+      best of it, shake the black dog, off your back, adjust your petticoats,
+      laugh, I wish it, look to the stew, and let us recommence our evening
+      prayer where we left it off. Tomorrow I&rsquo;ll make thee braver than a queen.
+      This is my cousin whom I wish to entertain, even when to do so it were
+      necessary to turn the house out of windows. We shall get back everything
+      tomorrow in the cellars. Come, fall to!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thus, and in less time than it takes a priest to say his Dominus vobiscum,
+      the whole rookery passed from tears to laughter as it had previously from
+      laughter to tears. It is only in these houses of ill-fame that love is
+      made with the blow of a dagger, and where tempests of joy rage between
+      four walls. But these are things ladies of the high-neck dress do not
+      understand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The said captain Cochegrue was gay as a hundred schoolboys at the breaking
+      up of class, and made his good cousin drink deeply, who spilled everything
+      country fashion, and pretended to be drunk, spluttering out a hundred
+      stupidities, as, that &ldquo;tomorrow he would buy Paris, would lend a hundred
+      thousand crowns to the king, that he would be able to roll in gold;&rdquo; in
+      fact, talked so much nonsense that the captain, fearing some compromising
+      avowal and thinking his brain quite muddled enough, led him outside with
+      the good intention, instead of sharing with him, of ripping Chiquon open
+      to see if he had not a sponge in his stomach, because he had just soaked
+      in a big quart of the good wine of Suresne. They went along, disputing
+      about a thousand theological subjects which got very much mixed up, and
+      finished by rolling quietly up against the garden where were the crowns of
+      the Lombard. Then Cochegrue, making a ladder of Chiquon&rsquo;s broad shoulders,
+      jumped on to the pear-tree like a man expert in attacks upon towns, but
+      Versoris, who was watching him, made a blow at his neck, and repeated it
+      so vigorously that with three blows fell the upper portion of the said
+      Cochegrue, but not until he had heard the clear voice of the shepherd, who
+      cried to him, &ldquo;Pick up your head, my friend.&rdquo; Thereupon the generous
+      Chiquon, in whom virtue received its recompense, thought it would be wise
+      to return to the house of the good canon, whose heritage was by the grace
+      of God considerably simplified. Thus he gained the Rue St.
+      Pierre-Aux-Boeufs with all speed, and soon slept like a new-born baby, no
+      longer knowing the meaning of the word &ldquo;cousin-german.&rdquo; Now, on the morrow
+      he rose according to the habit of shepherds, with the sun, and came into
+      his uncle&rsquo;s room to inquire if he spat white, if he coughed, if he had
+      slept well; but the old servant told him that the canon, hearing the bells
+      of St Maurice, the first patron of Notre Dame, ring for matins, he had
+      gone out of reverence to the cathedral, where all the Chapter were to
+      breakfast with the Bishop of Paris; upon which Chiquon replied: &ldquo;Is his
+      reverence the canon out of his senses thus to disport himself, to catch a
+      cold, to get rheumatism? Does he wish to die? I&rsquo;ll light a big fire to
+      warm him when he returns;&rdquo; and the good shepherd ran into the room where
+      the canon generally sat, and to his great astonishment beheld him seated
+      in his chair.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah, ah! What did she mean, that fool of a Bruyette? I knew you were too
+      well advised to be shivering at this hour in your stall.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The canon said not a word. The shepherd who was like all thinkers, a man
+      of hidden sense, was quite aware that sometimes old men have strange
+      crotchets, converse with the essence of occult things, and mumble to
+      themselves discourses concerning matters not under consideration; so that,
+      from reverence and great respect for the secret meditations of the canon,
+      he went and sat down at a distance, and waited the termination of these
+      dreams; noticing, silently the length of the good man&rsquo;s nails, which
+      looked like cobbler&rsquo;s awls, and looking attentively at the feet of his
+      uncle, he was astonished to see the flesh of his legs so crimson, that it
+      reddened his breeches and seemed all on fire through his hose.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He is dead, thought Chiquon. At this moment the door of the room opened,
+      and he still saw the canon, who, his nose frozen, came back from church.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ho, ho!&rdquo; said Chiquon, &ldquo;my dear Uncle, are you out of your senses? Kindly
+      take notice that you ought not to be at the door, because you are already
+      seated in your chair in the chimney corner, and that it is impossible for
+      there to be two canons like you in the world.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! Chiquon, there was a time when I could have wished to be in two
+      places at once, but such is not the fate of a man, he would be too happy.
+      Are you getting dim-sighted? I am alone here.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then Chiquon turned his head towards the chair, and found it empty; and
+      much astonished, as you will easily believe, he approached it, and found
+      on the seat a little pat of cinders, from which ascended a strong odour of
+      sulphur.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah!&rdquo; said he merrily, &ldquo;I perceive that the devil has behaved well towards
+      me—I will pray God for him.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And thereupon he related naively to the canon how the devil had amused
+      himself by playing at providence, and had loyally aided him to get rid of
+      his wicked cousins, the which the canon admired much, and thought very
+      good, seeing that he had plenty of good sense left, and often had observed
+      things which were to the devil&rsquo;s advantage. So the good old priest
+      remarked that &lsquo;as much good was always met with in evil as evil in good,
+      and that therefore one should not trouble too much after the other world,
+      the which was a grave heresy, which many councils have put right&rsquo;.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      And this was how the Chiquons became rich, and were able in these times,
+      by the fortunes of their ancestors, to help to build the bridge of St.
+      Michael, where the devil cuts a very good figure under the angel, in
+      memory of this adventure now consigned to these veracious histories.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0010" id="link2H_4_0010">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE MERRIE JESTS OF KING LOUIS THE ELEVENTH
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      King Louis The Eleventh was a merry fellow, loving a good joke, and
+      —the interests of his position as king, and those of the church on
+      one side—he lived jovially, giving chase to soiled doves as often as
+      to hares, and other royal game. Therefore, the sorry scribblers who have
+      made him out a hypocrite, showed plainly that they knew him not, since he
+      was a good friend, good at repartee, and a jollier fellow than any of
+      them.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It was he who said when he was in a merry mood, that four things are
+      excellent and opportune in life—to keep warm, to drink cool, to
+      stand up hard, and to swallow soft. Certain persons have accused him of
+      taking up with a dirty trollops; this is a notorious falsehood, since all
+      his mistresses, of whom one was legitimised, came of good houses and had
+      notable establishments. He did not go in for waste and extravagance,
+      always put his hand upon the solid, and because certain devourers of the
+      people found no crumbs at his table, they have all maligned him. But the
+      real collector of facts know that the said king was a capital fellow in
+      private life, and even very agreeable; and before cutting off the heads of
+      his friends, or punishing them—for he did not spare them—it
+      was necessary that they should have greatly offended him, and his
+      vengeance was always justice; I have only seen in our friend Verville that
+      this worthy sovereign ever made a mistake; but one does not make a habit,
+      and even for this his boon companion Tristan was more to blame than he,
+      the king. This is the circumstance related by the said Verville, and I
+      suspect he was cracking a joke. I reproduce it because certain people are
+      not familiar with the exquisite work of my perfect compatriot. I abridge
+      it and only give the substance, the details being more ample, of which
+      facts the savans are not ignorant.
+    </p>
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/121s.jpg" alt="121s " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h4>
+      <a href="images/121.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a
+      href="images/121m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a>
+    </h4>
+    <p>
+      Louis XI. had given the Abbey of Turpenay (mentioned in &lsquo;Imperia&rsquo;) to a
+      gentleman who, enjoying the revenue, had called himself Monsieur de
+      Turpenay. It happened that the king being at Plessis-les-Tours, the real
+      abbot, who was a monk, came and presented himself before the king, and
+      presented also a petition, remonstrating with him that, canonically and a
+      monastically, he was entitled to the abbey and that the usurping gentleman
+      wronged of his right, and therefore he called upon his majesty to have
+      justice done to him. Nodding his peruke, the king promised to render him
+      contented. This monk, importunate as are all hooded animals, came often at
+      the end of the king&rsquo;s meals, who, bored with the holy water of the
+      convent, called friend Tristan and said to him: &ldquo;Old fellow, there is here
+      a Turpenay who angers me, rid the world of him for me.&rdquo; Tristan, taking a
+      frock for a monk, or a monk for a frock, came to this gentleman, whom all
+      the court called Monsieur de Turpenay, and having accosted him managed to
+      lead him to one side, and taking him by the button-hole gave him to
+      understand that the king desired he should die. He tried to resist,
+      supplicating and supplicating to escape, but in no way could he obtain a
+      hearing. He was delicately strangled between the head and shoulders, so
+      that he expired; and, three hours afterwards, Tristan told the king that
+      he was discharged. It happened five days afterwards, which is the space in
+      which souls come back again, that the monk came into the room where the
+      king was, and when he saw him he was much astonished. Tristan was present:
+      the king called him, and whispered into his ear—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You have not done that which I told you to.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Saving your Grace I have done it. Turpenay is dead.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Eh? I meant this monk.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I understood the gentleman!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What, is it done then?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, sire,&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Very well then&rdquo;—turning towards the monk—&ldquo;come here, monk.&rdquo;
+       The monk approached. The king said to him, &ldquo;Kneel down!&rdquo; The poor monk
+      began to shiver in his shoes. But the king said to him, &ldquo;Thank God that he
+      has not willed that you should be killed as I had ordered. He who took
+      your estates has been instead. God has done you justice. Go and pray God
+      for me, and don&rsquo;t stir out of your convent.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The proves the good-heartedness of Louis XI. He might very well have
+      hanged the monk, the cause of the error. As for the said gentleman, he
+      died in the king&rsquo;s service.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In the early days of his sojourn at Plessis-les-Tours king Louis, not
+      wishing to hold his drinking-bouts and give vent to his rakish
+      propensities in his chateau, out of respect to her Majesty (a kingly
+      delicacy which his successors have not possessed) became enamoured of a
+      lady named Nicole Beaupertuys, who was, to tell the truth, wife of a
+      citizen of the town. The husband he sent into Ponent, and put the said
+      Nicole in a house near Chardonneret, in that part which is the Rue
+      Quincangrogne, because it was a lonely place, far from other habitations.
+      The husband and the wife were thus both in his service, and he had by La
+      Beaupertuys a daughter, who died a nun. This Nicole had a tongue as sharp
+      as a popinjay&rsquo;s, was of stately proportions, furnished with large
+      beautiful cushions of nature, firm to the touch, white as the wings of an
+      angel, and known for the rest to be fertile in peripatetic ways, which
+      brought it to pass that never with her was the same thing encountered
+      twice in love, so deeply had she studied the sweet solutions of the
+      science, the manners of accommodating the olives of Poissy, the expansions
+      of the nerves, and hidden doctrines of the breviary, the which much
+      delighted the king. She was as gay as a lark, always laughing and singing,
+      and never made anyone miserable, which is the characteristic of women of
+      this open and free nature, who have always an occupation—an
+      equivocal one if you like. The king often went with the hail-fellows his
+      friends to the lady&rsquo;s house, and in order not to be seen always went at
+      night-time, and without his suite. But being always distrustful, and
+      fearing some snare, he gave to Nicole all the most savage dogs he had in
+      his kennels, beggars that would eat a man without saying &ldquo;By your leave,&rdquo;
+       the which royal dogs knew only Nicole and the king. When the Sire came
+      Nicole let them loose in the garden, and the door of the house being
+      sufficiently barred and closely shut, the king put the keys in his pocket,
+      and in perfect security gave himself up, with his satellites, to every
+      kind of pleasure, fearing no betrayal, jumping about at will, playing
+      tricks, and getting up good games. Upon these occasions friend Tristan
+      watched the neighbourhood, and anyone who had taken a walk on the Mall of
+      Chardonneret would be rather quickly placed in a position in which it
+      would have been easy to give the passers-by a benediction with his feet,
+      unless he had the king&rsquo;s pass, since often would Louis send out in search
+      of lasses for his friends, or people to entertain him with the amusements
+      suggested by Nicole or the guests. People of Tours were there for these
+      little amusements, to whom he gently recommended silence, so that no one
+      knew of these pastimes until after his death. The farce of &ldquo;<i>Baisez mon
+      cul</i>&rdquo; was, it is said, invented by the said Sire. I will relate it,
+      although it is not the subject of this tale, because it shows the natural
+      comicality and humour of this merry monarch. They were at Tours three well
+      known misers: the first was Master Cornelius, who is sufficiently well
+      known; the second was called Peccard, and sold the gilt-work, coloured
+      papers, and jewels used in churches; the third was hight Marchandeau, and
+      was a very wealthy vine-grower. These two men of Touraine were the
+      founders of good families, notwithstanding their sordidness. One evening
+      that the king was with Beaupertuys, in a good humour, having drunk
+      heartily, joked heartily, and offered early in the evening his prayer in
+      Madame&rsquo;s oratory, he said to Le Daim his crony, to the Cardinal, La Balue,
+      and to old Dunois, who were still soaking, &ldquo;Let us have a good laugh! I
+      think it will be a good joke to see misers before a bag of gold without
+      being able to touch it. Hi, there!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Hearing which, appeared one of his varlets.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Go,&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;seek my treasurer, and let him bring hither six thousand
+      gold crowns—and at once! And you will go and seize the bodies of my
+      friend Cornelius, of the jeweller of the Rue de Cygnes, and of old
+      Marchandeau, and bring them here, by order of the king.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then he began to drink again, and to judiciously wrangle as to which was
+      the better, a woman with a gamy odour or a woman who soaped herself well
+      all over; a thin one or a stout one; and as the company comprised the
+      flower of wisdom it was decided that the best was the one a man had all to
+      himself like a plate of warm mussels, at that precise moment when God sent
+      him a good idea to communicate to her. The cardinal asked which was the
+      most precious thing to a lady; the first or the last kiss? To which La
+      Beaupertuys replied: &ldquo;that it was the last, seeing that she knew then what
+      she was losing, while at the first she did not know what she would gain.&rdquo;
+       During these sayings, and others which have most unfortunately been lost,
+      came the six thousand gold crowns, which were worth all three hundred
+      thousand francs of to-day, so much do we go on decreasing in value every
+      day. The king ordered the crowns to be arranged upon a table, and well
+      lighted up, so that they shone like the eyes of the company which lit up
+      involuntarily, and made them laugh in spite of themselves. They did not
+      wait long for the three misers, whom the varlet led in, pale and panting,
+      except Cornelius, who knew the king&rsquo;s strange freaks.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Now then, my friends,&rdquo; said Louis to them, &ldquo;have a good look at the
+      crowns on the table.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And the three townsmen nibbled at them with their eyes. You may reckon
+      that the diamond of La Beaupertuys sparkled less than their little minnow
+      eyes.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;These are yours,&rdquo; added the king.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Thereupon they ceased to admire the crowns to look at each other; and the
+      guests knew well that old knaves are more expert in grimaces than any
+      others, because of their physiognomies becoming tolerably curious, like
+      those of cats lapping up milk, or girls titillated with marriage.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;There,&rdquo; said the king, &ldquo;all that shall be his who shall say three times
+      to the two others, &lsquo;<i>Baisez mon cul</i>&rsquo;, thrusting his hand into the
+      gold; but if he be not as serious as a fly who had violated his lady-love,
+      if he smile while repeating the jest, he will pay ten crowns to Madame.
+      Nevertheless he can essay three times.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;That will soon be earned,&rdquo; said Cornelius, who, being a Dutchman, had his
+      lips as often compressed and serious as Madame&rsquo;s mouth was often open and
+      laughing. Then he bravely put his hands on the crowns to see if they were
+      good, and clutched them bravely, but as he looked at the others to say
+      civilly to them, &ldquo;<i>Baisez mon cul</i>,&rdquo; the two misers, distrustful of
+      his Dutch gravity, replied, &ldquo;Certainly, sir,&rdquo; as if he had sneezed. The
+      which caused all the company to laugh, and even Cornelius himself. When
+      the vine-grower went to take the crowns he felt such a commotion in his
+      cheeks that his old scummer face let little laughs exude from its pores
+      like smoke pouring out of a chimney, and he could say nothing. Then it was
+      the turn of the jeweller, who was a little bit of a bantering fellow, and
+      whose lips were as tightly squeezed as the neck of a hanged man. He seized
+      a handful of the crowns, looked at the others, even the king, and said,
+      with a jeering air, &ldquo;<i>Baisez mon cul</i>.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Is it dirty?&rdquo; asked the vine-dresser.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Look and see,&rdquo; replied the jeweller, gravely.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Thereupon the king began to tremble for these crowns, since the said
+      Peccard began again, without laughing, and for the third time was about to
+      utter the sacramental word, when La Beaupertuys made a sign of consent to
+      his modest request, which caused him to lose his countenance, and his
+      mouth broke up into dimples.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;How did you do it?&rdquo; asked Dunois, &ldquo;to keep a grave face before six
+      thousand crowns?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh, my lord, I thought first of one of my cases which is tried tomorrow,
+      and secondly, of my wife who is a sorry plague.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The desire to gain this good round sum made them try again, and the king
+      amused himself for about an hour at the expression of these faces, the
+      preparations, jokes, grimaces, and other monkey&rsquo;s paternosters that they
+      performed; but they were bailing their boats with a sieve, and for men who
+      preferred closing their fists to opening them it was a bitter sorrow to
+      have to count out, each one, a hundred crown to Madame.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When they were gone, and Nicole said boldly to the king, &ldquo;Sire will you
+      let me try?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Holy Virgin!&rdquo; replied Louis; &ldquo;no! I can kiss you for less money.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      That was said like a thrifty man, which indeed he always was.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      One evening the fat Cardinal La Balue carried on gallantly with words and
+      actions, a little farther than the canons of the Church permitted him,
+      with this Beaupertuys, who luckily for herself, was a clever hussy, not to
+      be asked with impunity how many holes there were in her mother&rsquo;s chemise.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Look you here, Sir Cardinal!&rdquo; said she; &ldquo;the thing which the king likes
+      is not to receive the holy oils.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then came Oliver le Daim, whom she would not listen to either, and to
+      whose nonsense she replied, that she would ask the king if he wished her
+      to be shaved.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Now as the said shaver did not supplicate her to keep his proposals
+      secret, she suspected that these little plots were ruses practised by the
+      king, whose suspicions had perhaps been aroused by her friends. Now, for
+      being able to revenge herself upon Louis, she at least determined to pay
+      out the said lords, to make fools of them, and amuse the king with the
+      tricks she would play upon them. One evening that they had come to supper,
+      she had a lady of the city with her, who wished to speak with the king.
+      This lady was a lady of position, who wished asked the king pardon for her
+      husband, the which, in consequence of this adventure, she obtained. Nicole
+      Beaupertuys having led the king aside for a moment into an antechamber,
+      told him to make their guests drink hard and eat to repletion; that he was
+      to make merry and joke with them; but when the cloth was removed, he was
+      to pick quarrels with them about trifles, dispute their words, and be
+      sharp with them; and that she would then divert him by turning them inside
+      out before him. But above all things, he was to be friendly to the said
+      lady, and it was to appear as genuine, as if she enjoyed the perfume of
+      his favour, because she had gallantly lent herself to this good joke.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well, gentlemen,&rdquo; said the king, re-entering the room, &ldquo;let us fall to;
+      we have had a good day&rsquo;s sport.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And the surgeon, the cardinal, a fat bishop, the captain of the Scotch
+      Guard, a parliamentary envoy, and a judge loved of the king, followed the
+      two ladies into the room where one rubs the rust off one&rsquo;s jaw bones. And
+      there they lined the mold of their doublets. What is that? It is to pave
+      the stomach, to practice the chemistry of nature, to register the various
+      dishes, to regale your tripes, to dig your grave with your teeth, play
+      with the sword of Cain, to inter sauces, to support a cuckold. But more
+      philosophically it is to make ordure with one&rsquo;s teeth. Now, do you
+      understand? How many words does it require to burst open the lid of your
+      understanding?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The king did not fail to distill into his guests this splendid and
+      first-class supper. He stuffed them with green peas, returning to the
+      hotch-potch, praising the plums, commending the fish, saying to one, &ldquo;Why
+      do you not eat?&rdquo; to another, &ldquo;Drink to Madame&rdquo;; to all of them,
+      &ldquo;Gentlemen, taste these lobsters; put this bottle to death! You do not
+      know the flavour of this forcemeat. And these lampreys—ah! what do
+      you say to them? And by the Lord! The finest barbel ever drawn from the
+      Loire! Just stick your teeth into this pastry. This game is my own
+      hunting; he who takes it not offends me.&rdquo; And again, &ldquo;Drink, the king&rsquo;s
+      eyes are the other way. Just give your opinion of these preserves, they
+      are Madame&rsquo;s own. Have some of these grapes, they are my own growing. Have
+      some medlars.&rdquo; And while inducing them to swell out their abdominal
+      protuberances, the good monarch laughed with them, and they joked and
+      disputed, and spat, and blew their noses, and kicked up just as though the
+      king had not been with them. Then so much victuals had been taken on
+      board, so many flagons drained and stews spoiled, that the faces of the
+      guests were the colour of cardinals gowns, and their doublets appeared
+      ready to burst, since they were crammed with meat like Troyes sausages
+      from the top to the bottom of their paunches. Going into the saloon again,
+      they broke into a profuse sweat, began to blow, and to curse their
+      gluttony. The king sat quietly apart; each of them was the more willing to
+      be silent because all their forces were required for the intestinal
+      digestion of the huge platefuls confined in their stomachs, which began to
+      wabble and rumble violently. One said to himself, &ldquo;I was stupid to eat of
+      that sauce.&rdquo; Another scolded himself for having indulged in a plate of
+      eels cooked with capers. Another thought to himself, &ldquo;Oh! oh! The
+      forcemeat is serving me out.&rdquo; The cardinal, who was the biggest bellied
+      man of the lot, snorted through his nostrils like a frightened horse. It
+      was he who was first compelled to give vent to a loud sounding belch, and
+      then he soon wished himself in Germany, where this is a form of
+      salutation, for the king hearing this gastric language looked at the
+      cardinal with knitted brows.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What does this mean?&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;am I a simple clerk?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      This was heard with terror, because usually the king made much of a good
+      belch well off the stomach. The other guests determined to get rid in
+      another way of the vapours which were dodging about in their pancreatic
+      retorts; and at first they endeavoured to hold them for a little while in
+      the pleats of their mesenteries. It was then that some of them puffed and
+      swelled like tax-gatherers. Beaupertuys took the good king aside and said
+      to him—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Know now that I have had made by the Church jeweller Peccard, two large
+      dolls, exactly resembling this lady and myself. Now when hard-pressed by
+      the drugs which I have put in their goblets, they desire to mount the
+      throne to which we are now about to pretend to go, they will always find
+      the place taken; by this means you will enjoy their writhings.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thus having said, La Beaupertuys disappeared with the lady to go and turn
+      the wheel, after the custom of women, and of which I will tell you the
+      origin in another place. And after an honest lapse of water, Beaupertuys
+      came back alone, leaving it to be believed that she had left the lady at
+      the little laboratory of natural alchemy. Thereupon the king, singling out
+      the cardinal, made him get up, and talked with him seriously of his
+      affairs, holding him by the tassel of his amice. To all that the king
+      said, La Balue replied, &ldquo;Yes, sir,&rdquo; to be delivered from this favour, and
+      slip out of the room, since the water was in his cellars, and he was about
+      to lose the key of his back-door. All the guests were in a state of not
+      knowing how to arrest the progress of the fecal matter to which nature has
+      given, even more than to water, the property of finding a certain level.
+      Their substances modified themselves and glided working downward, like
+      those insects who demand to be let out of their cocoons, raging,
+      tormenting, and ungrateful to the higher powers; for nothing is so
+      ignorant, so insolent as those cursed objects, and they are importunate
+      like all things detained to whom one owes liberty. So they slipped at
+      every turn like eels out of a net, and each one had need of great efforts
+      and science not to disgrace himself before the king. Louis took great
+      pleasure in interrogating his guests, and was much amused with the
+      vicissitudes of their physiognomies, on which were reflected the dirty
+      grimaces of their writhings. The counsellor of justice said to Oliver, &ldquo;I
+      would give my office to be behind a hedge for half a dozen seconds.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh, there is no enjoyment to equal a good stool; and now I am no longer
+      astonished at sempiternal droppings of a fly,&rdquo; replied the surgeon.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The cardinal believing that the lady had obtained her receipt from the
+      bank of deposit, left the tassels of his girdle in the king&rsquo;s hand, making
+      a start as if he had forgotten to say his prayers, and made his way
+      towards the door.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What is the matter with you, Monsieur le Cardinal?&rdquo; said the king.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;By my halidame, what is the matter with me? It appears that all your
+      affairs are very extensive, sire!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The cardinal had slipped out, leaving the others astonished at his
+      cunning. He proceeded gloriously towards the lower room, loosening a
+      little the strings of his purse; but when he opened the blessed little
+      door he found the lady at her functions upon the throne, like a pope about
+      to be consecrated. Then restraining his impatience, he descended the
+      stairs to go into the garden. However, on the last steps the barking of
+      the dogs put him in great fear of being bitten in one of his precious
+      hemispheres; and not knowing where to deliver himself of his chemical
+      produce he came back into the room, shivering like a man who has been in
+      the open air! The others seeing the cardinal return, imagined that he had
+      emptied his natural reservoirs, unburdened his ecclesiastical bowels, and
+      believed him happy. Then the surgeon rose quickly, as if to take note of
+      the tapestries and count the rafters, but gained the door before anyone
+      else, and relaxing his sphincter in advance, he hummed a tune on his way
+      to the retreat; arrived there he was compelled, like La Balue, to murmur
+      words of excuse to this student of perpetual motion, shutting the door
+      with as promptitude as he opened it; and he came back burdened with an
+      accumulation which seriously impeded his private channels. And in the same
+      way went to guests one after the other, without being able to unburden
+      themselves of their sauces, as soon again found themselves all in the
+      presence of Louis the Eleventh, as much distressed as before, looking at
+      each other slyly, understanding each other better with their tails than
+      they ever understood with their mouths, for there is never any equivoque
+      in the transactions of the parts of nature, and everything therein is
+      rational and of easy comprehension, seeing that it is a science which we
+      learn at our birth.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I believe,&rdquo; said the cardinal to the surgeon, &ldquo;that lady will go on until
+      to-morrow. What was La Beaupertuys about to ask such a case of diarrhoea
+      here?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;She&rsquo;s been an hour working at what I could get done in a minute. May the
+      fever seize her&rdquo; cried Oliver le Daim.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      All the courtiers seized with colic were walking up and down to make their
+      importunate matters patient, when the said lady reappeared in the room.
+      You can believe they found her beautiful and graceful, and would willingly
+      have kissed her, there where they so longed to go; and never did they
+      salute the day with more favour than this lady, the liberator of the poor
+      unfortunate bodies. La Balue rose; the others, from honour, esteem, and
+      reverence of the church, gave way to the clergy, and, biding their time,
+      they continued to make grimaces, at which the king laughed to himself with
+      Nicole, who aided him to stop the respiration of these loose-bowelled
+      gentlemen. The good Scotch captain, who more than all the others had eaten
+      of a dish in which the cook had put an aperient powder, became the victim
+      of misplaced confidence. He went ashamed into a corner, hoping that before
+      the king, his mishap might escape detection. At this moment the cardinal
+      returned horribly upset, because he had found La Beaupertuys on the
+      episcopal seat. Now, in his torments, not knowing if she were in the room,
+      he came back and gave vent to a diabolical &ldquo;Oh!&rdquo; on beholding her near his
+      master.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What do you mean?&rdquo; exclaimed the king, looking at the priest in a way to
+      give him the fever.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Sire,&rdquo; said La Balue, insolently, &ldquo;the affairs of purgatory are in my
+      ministry, and I am bound to inform you that there is sorcery going on in
+      this house.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! little priest, you wish to make game of me!&rdquo; said the king.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      At these words the company were in a terrible state.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;So you treat me with disrespect?&rdquo; said the king, which made them turn
+      pale. &ldquo;Ho, there! Tristan, my friend!&rdquo; cried Louis XI. from the window,
+      which he threw up suddenly, &ldquo;come up here!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The grand provost of the hotel was not long before he appeared; and as
+      these gentlemen were all nobodies, raised to their present position by the
+      favour of the king, Louis, in a moment of anger, could crush them at will;
+      so that with the exception of the cardinal who relied upon his cassock,
+      Tristan found them all rigid and aghast.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Conduct these gentleman to the Pretorium, on the Mall, my friend, they
+      have disgraced themselves through over-eating.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Am I not good at jokes?&rdquo; said Nicole to him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The farce is good, but it is fetid,&rdquo; replied he, laughing.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This royal answer showed the courtiers that this time the king did not
+      intend to play with their heads, for which they thanked heaven. The
+      monarch was partial to these dirty tricks. He was not at all a bad fellow,
+      as the guests remarked while relieving themselves against the side of the
+      Mall with Tristan, who, like a good Frenchman, kept them company, and
+      escorted them to their homes. This is why since that time the citizens of
+      Tours had never failed to defile the Mall of Chardonneret, because the
+      gentlemen of the court had been there.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      I will not leave this great king without committing to writing this good
+      joke which he played upon La Godegrand, who was an old maid, much
+      disgusted that she had not, during the forty years she had lived, been
+      able to find a lid to her saucepan, enraged, in her yellow skin, that she
+      still was as virgin as a mule. This old maid had her apartments on the
+      other side of the house which belonged to La Beaupertuys, at the corner of
+      the Rue de Hierusalem, in such a position that, standing on the balcony
+      joining the wall, it was easy to see what she was doing, and hear what she
+      was saying in the lower room where she lived; and often the king derived
+      much amusement from the antics of the old girl, who did not know that she
+      was so much within the range of his majesty&rsquo;s culverin. Now one market day
+      it happened that the king had caused to be hanged a young citizen of
+      Tours, who had violated a noble lady of a certain age, believing that she
+      was a young maiden. There would have been no harm in this, and it would
+      have been a thing greatly to the credit of the said lady to have been
+      taken for a virgin; but on finding out his mistake, he had abominably
+      insulted her, and suspecting her of trickery, had taken it into his head
+      to rob her of a splendid silver goblet, in payment of the present he had
+      just made her. This young man had long hair, and was so handsome that the
+      whole town wished to see him hanged, both from regret and out of
+      curiosity. You may be sure that at this hanging there were more caps than
+      hats. Indeed, the said young man swung very well; and after the fashion
+      and custom of persons hanged, he died gallantly with his lance couched,
+      which fact made a great noise in the town. Many ladies said on this
+      subject that it was a murder not to have preserved so fine a fellow from
+      the scaffold.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Suppose we were to put this handsome corpse in the bed of La Godegrand,&rdquo;
+       said La Beaupertuys to the king.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;We should terrify her,&rdquo; replied Louis.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Not at all, sire. Be sure that she will welcome even a dead man, so madly
+      does she long for a living one. Yesterday I saw her making love to a young
+      man&rsquo;s cap placed on the top of a chair, and you would have laughed
+      heartily at her words and gestures.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Now while this forty-year-old virgin was at vespers, the king sent to have
+      this young townsman, who had just finished the last scene of his tragic
+      farce, taken down, and having dressed him in a white shirt, two officers
+      got over the walls of La Godegrand&rsquo;s garden, and put the corpse into her
+      bed, on the side nearest the street. Having done this they went away, and
+      the king remained in the room with the balcony to it, playing with
+      Beaupertuys, and awaiting an hour at which the old maid should go to bed.
+      La Godegrand soon came back with a hop, skip, and jump, as the Tourainians
+      say, from the church of St Martin, from which she was not far, since the
+      Rue de Hierusalem touches the walls of the cloister. She entered her
+      house, laid down her prayer-book, chaplet, and rosary, and other
+      ammunition which these old girls carry, then poked the fire, and blew it,
+      warmed herself at it, settled herself in her chair, and played with her
+      cat for want of something better; then she went to the larder, supping and
+      sighing, and sighing and supping, eating alone, with her eyes cast down
+      upon the carpet; and after having drunk, behaved in a manner forbidden in
+      court society.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah!&rdquo; the corpse said to her, &ldquo;&lsquo;<i>God bless you</i>!&rsquo;&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      At this joke of luck of La Beaupertuys, both laughed heartily in their
+      sleeves. And with great attention this very Christian king watched the
+      undressing of the old maid, who admired herself while removing her things—pulling
+      out a hair, or scratching a pimple which had maliciously come upon her
+      nose; picking her teeth, and doing a thousand little things which, alas!
+      all ladies, virgins or not, are obliged to do, much to their annoyance;
+      but without these little faults of nature, they would be too proud, and
+      one would not be able to enjoy their society. Having achieved her aquatic
+      and musical discourse, the old maid got in between the sheets, and yelled
+      forth a fine, great, ample, and curious cry, when she saw, when she smelt
+      the fresh vigour of this hanged man and the sweet perfume of his manly
+      youth; then sprang away from him out of coquetry. But as she did not know
+      he was really dead, she came back again, believing he was mocking her, and
+      counterfeiting death.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Go away, you bad young man!&rdquo; said she.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But you can imagine that she proffered this requests in a most humble and
+      gracious tone of voice. Then seeing that he did not move, she examined him
+      more closely, and was much astonished at this so fine human nature when
+      she recognised the young fellow, upon whom the fancy took her to perform
+      some purely scientific experiments in the interests of hanged persons.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What is she doing?&rdquo; said La Beaupertuys to the king.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;She is trying to reanimate him. It is a work of Christian humanity.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And the old girl rubbed and warmed this fine young man, supplicating holy
+      Mary the Egyptian to aid her to renew the life of this husband who had
+      fallen so amorously from heaven, when, suddenly looking at the dead body
+      she was so charitably rubbing, she thought she saw a slight movement in
+      the eyes; then she put her hand upon the man&rsquo;s heart, and felt it beat
+      feebly. At length, from the warmth of the bed and of affection, and by the
+      temperature of old maids, which is by far more burning then the warm
+      blasts of African deserts, she had the delight of bringing to life that
+      fine handsome young fellow who by lucky chance had been very badly hanged.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;See how my executioners serve me!&rdquo; said Louis, laughing.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah!&rdquo; said La Beaupertuys, &ldquo;you will not have him hanged again? he is too
+      handsome.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The decree does not say that he shall be hanged twice, but he shall marry
+      the old woman.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Indeed, the good lady went in a great hurry to seek a master leech, a good
+      bleeder, who lived in the Abbey, and brought him back directly. He
+      immediately took his lancet, and bled the young man. And as no blood came
+      out: &ldquo;Ah!&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;it is too late, the transshipment of blood in the
+      lungs has taken place.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      But suddenly this good young blood oozed out a little, and then came out
+      in abundance, and the hempen apoplexy, which had only just begun, was
+      arrested in its course. The young man moved and came more to life; then he
+      fell, from natural causes, into a state of great weakness and profound
+      sadness, prostration of flesh and general flabbiness. Now the old maid,
+      who was all eyes, and followed the great and notable changes which were
+      taking place in the person of this badly hanged man, pulled the surgeon by
+      the sleeve, and pointing out to him, by a curious glance of the eye, the
+      piteous cause, said to him—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Will he for the future be always like that?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Often,&rdquo; replied the veracious surgeon.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh! he was much nicer hanged!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      At this speech the king burst out laughing. Seeing him at the window, the
+      woman and the surgeon were much frightened, for this laugh seemed to them
+      a second sentence of death for their poor victim. But the king kept his
+      word, and married them. And in order to do justice he gave the husband the
+      name of the Sieur de Mortsauf in the place of the one he had lost upon the
+      scaffold. As La Godegrand had a very big basket of crowns, they founded a
+      good family in Touraine, which still exists and is much respected, since
+      M. de Mortsauf faithfully served Louis the Eleventh on different
+      occasions. Only he never liked to come across gibbets or old women, and
+      never again made amorous assignations in the night.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This teaches us to thoroughly verify and recognise women, and not to
+      deceive ourselves in the local difference which exists between the old and
+      the young, for if we are not hanged for our errors of love, there are
+      always great risks to run.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0011" id="link2H_4_0011">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/137s.jpg" alt="137s " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h4>
+      <a href="images/137.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a
+      href="images/137m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a>
+    </h4>
+    <h2>
+      THE HIGH CONSTABLE&rsquo;S WIFE
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      The high constable of Armagnac espoused from the desire of a great
+      fortune, the Countess Bonne, who was already considerably enamoured of
+      little Savoisy, son of the chamberlain to his majesty King Charles the
+      Sixth.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The constable was a rough warrior, miserable in appearance, tough in skin,
+      thickly bearded, always uttering angry words, always busy hanging people,
+      always in the sweat of battles, or thinking of other stratagems than those
+      of love. Thus the good soldier, caring little to flavour the marriage
+      stew, used his charming wife after the fashion of a man with more lofty
+      ideas; of the which the ladies have a great horror, since they like not
+      the joists of the bed to be the sole judges of their fondling and vigorous
+      conduct.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Now the lovely Countess, as soon as she was grafted on the constable, only
+      nibbled more eagerly at the love with which her heart was laden for the
+      aforesaid Savoisy, which that gentleman clearly perceived.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Wishing both to study the same music, they would soon harmonise their
+      fancies, and decipher the hieroglyphic; and this was a thing clearly
+      demonstrated to the Queen Isabella, that Savoisy&rsquo;s horses were oftener
+      stabled at the house of her cousin of Armagnac than in the Hotel St. Pol,
+      where the chamberlain lived, since the destruction of his residence,
+      ordered by the university, as everyone knows.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This discreet and wise princess, fearing in advance some unfortunate
+      adventure for Bonne—the more so as the constable was as ready to
+      brandish his broadsword as a priest to bestow benedictions—the said
+      queen, as sharp as a dirk, said one day, while coming out from vespers, to
+      her cousin, who was taking the holy water with Savoisy—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My dear, don&rsquo;t you see some blood in that water?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Bah!&rdquo; said Savoisy to the queen. &ldquo;Love likes blood, Madame.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      This the Queen considered a good reply, and put it into writing, and later
+      on, into action, when her lord the king wounded one of her lovers, whose
+      business you see settled in this narrative.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      You know by constant experience, that in the early time of love each of
+      two lovers is always in great fear of exposing the mystery of the heart,
+      and as much from the flower of prudence as from the amusement yielded by
+      the sweet tricks of gallantry they play at who can best conceal their
+      thoughts, but one day of forgetfulness suffices to inter the whole
+      virtuous past. The poor woman is taken in her joy as in a lasso; her
+      sweetheart proclaims his presence, or sometimes his departure, by some
+      article of clothing—a scarf, a spur, left by some fatal chance, and
+      there comes a stroke of the dagger that severs the web so gallantly woven
+      by their golden delights. But when one is full of days, he should not make
+      a wry face at death, and the sword of a husband is a pleasant death for a
+      gallant, if there be pleasant deaths. So may be this will finish the merry
+      amours of the constable&rsquo;s wife.
+    </p>
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/143s.jpg" alt="143s " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h4>
+      <a href="images/143.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a
+      href="images/143m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a>
+    </h4>
+    <p>
+      One morning Monsieur d&rsquo;Armagnac having lots of leisure time in consequence
+      of the flight of the Duke of Burgundy, who was quitting Lagny, thought he
+      would go and wish his lady good day, and attempted to wake her up in a
+      pleasant enough fashion, so that she should not be angry; but she sunk in
+      the heavy slumbers of the morning, replied to the action—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Leave me alone, Charles!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh, oh,&rdquo; said the constable, hearing the name of a saint who was not one
+      of his patrons, &ldquo;I have a Charles on my head!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then, without touching his wife, he jumped out of the bed, and ran
+      upstairs with his face flaming and his sword drawn, to the place where
+      slept the countess&rsquo;s maid-servant, convinced that the said servant had a
+      finger in the pie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah, ah, wench of hell!&rdquo; cried he, to commence the discharge of his
+      passion, &ldquo;say thy prayers, for I intend to kill thee instantly, because of
+      the secret practices of Charles who comes here.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah, Monseigneur,&rdquo; replied the woman, &ldquo;who told you that?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Stand steady, that I may rip thee at one blow if you do not confess to me
+      every assignation given, and in what manner they have been arranged. If
+      thy tongue gets entangled, if thou falterest, I will pierce thee with my
+      dagger!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Pierce me through!&rdquo; replied the girl; &ldquo;you will learn nothing.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The constable, having taken this excellent reply amiss, ran her through on
+      the spot, so mad was he with rage; and came back into his wife&rsquo;s chamber
+      and said to his groom, whom, awakened by the shrieks of the girl, he met
+      upon the stairs, &ldquo;Go upstairs; I&rsquo;ve corrected Billette rather severely.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Before he reappeared in the presence of Bonne he went to fetch his son,
+      who was sleeping like a child, and led him roughly into her room. The
+      mother opened her eyes pretty widely, you may imagine—at the cries
+      of her little one; and was greatly terrified at seeing him in the hands of
+      her husband, who had his right hand all bloody, and cast a fierce glance
+      on the mother and son.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What is the matter?&rdquo; said she.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Madame,&rdquo; asked the man of quick execution, &ldquo;this child, is he the fruit
+      of my loins, or those of Savoisy, your lover?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      At this question Bonne turned pale, and sprang upon her son like a
+      frightened frog leaping into the water.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah, he is really ours,&rdquo; said she.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;If you do not wish to see his head roll at your feet confess yourself to
+      me, and no prevarication. You have given me a lieutenant.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Indeed!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Who is he?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;It is not Savoisy, and I will never say the name of a man that I don&rsquo;t
+      know.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thereupon the constable rose, took his wife by the arm to cut her speech
+      with a blow of the sword, but she, casting upon him an imperial glance,
+      cried—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Kill me if you will, but touch me not.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You shall live,&rdquo; replied the husband, &ldquo;because I reserve you for a
+      chastisement more ample then death.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And doubting the inventions, snares, arguments, and artifices familiar to
+      women in these desperate situations, of which they study night and day the
+      variations, by themselves, or between themselves, he departed with this
+      rude and bitter speech. He went instantly to interrogate his servants,
+      presenting to them a face divinely terrible; so all of them replied to him
+      as they would to God the Father on the Judgment Day, when each of us will
+      be called to his account.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      None of them knew the serious mischief which was at the bottom of these
+      summary interrogations and crafty interlocutions; but from all that they
+      said, the constable came to the conclusion that no male in his house was
+      in the business, except one of his dogs, whom he found dumb, and to whom
+      he had given the post of watching the gardens; so taking him in his hands,
+      he strangled him with rage. This fact incited him by induction to suppose
+      that the other constable came into his house by the garden, of which the
+      only entrance was a postern opening on to the water side.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It is necessary to explain to those who are ignorant of it, the locality
+      of the Hotel d&rsquo;Armagnac, which had a notable situation near to the royal
+      houses of St. Pol. On this site has since been built the hotel of
+      Longueville. Then as at the present time, the residence of d&rsquo;Armagnac had
+      a porch of fine stone in Rue St. Antoine, was fortified at all points, and
+      the high walls by the river side, in face of the Ile du Vaches, in the
+      part where now stands the port of La Greve, were furnished with little
+      towers. The design of these has for a long time been shown at the house of
+      Cardinal Duprat, the king&rsquo;s Chancellor. The constable ransacked his
+      brains, and at the bottom, from his finest stratagems, drew the best, and
+      fitted it so well to the present case, that the gallant would be certain
+      to be taken like a hare in the trap. &ldquo;&lsquo;Sdeath,&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;my planter of
+      horns is taken, and I have the time now to think how I shall finish him
+      off.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Now this is the order of battle which this grand hairy captain who waged
+      such glorious war against Duke Jean-sans-Peur commanded for the assault of
+      his secret enemy. He took a goodly number of his most loyal and adroit
+      archers, and placed them on the quay tower, ordering them under the
+      heaviest penalties to draw without distinction of persons, except his
+      wife, on those of his household who should attempt to leave the gardens,
+      and to admit therein, either by night or by day, the favoured gentleman.
+      The same was done on the porch side, in the Rue St Antoine.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The retainers, even the chaplain, were ordered not to leave the house
+      under pain of death. Then the guard of the two sides of the hotel having
+      been committed to the soldiers of a company of ordnance, who were ordered
+      to keep a sharp lookout in the side streets, it was certain that the
+      unknown lover to whom the constable was indebted for his pair of horns,
+      would be taken warm, when, knowing nothing, he should come at the
+      accustomed hour of love to insolently plant his standard in the heart of
+      the legitimate appurtenances of the said lord count.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It was a trap into which the most expert man would fall unless he was
+      seriously protected by the fates, as was the good St. Peter by the Saviour
+      when he prevented him going to the bottom of the sea the day when they had
+      a fancy to try if the sea were as solid as terra firma.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The constable had business with the inhabitants of Poissy, and was obliged
+      to be in the saddle after dinner, so that, knowing his intention, the poor
+      Countess Bonne determined at night to invite her young gallant to that
+      charming duel in which she was always the stronger.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      While the constable was making round his hotel a girdle of spies and of
+      death, and hiding his people near the postern to seize the gallant as he
+      came out, not knowing where he would spring from, his wife was not amusing
+      herself by threading peas nor seeking black cows in the embers. First, the
+      maid-servant who had been stuck, unstuck herself and dragged herself to
+      her mistress; she told her that her outraged lord knew nothing, and that
+      before giving up the ghost she would comfort her dear mistress by assuring
+      her that she could have perfect confidence in her sister, who was
+      laundress in the hotel, and was willing to let herself be chopped up as
+      small as sausage-meat to please Madame. That she was the most adroit and
+      roguish woman in the neighbourhood, and renowned from the council chamber
+      to the Trahoir cross among the common people, and fertile in invention for
+      the desperate cases of love.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then, while weeping for the decease of her good chamber woman, the
+      countess sent for the laundress, made her leave her tubs and join her in
+      rummaging the bag of good tricks, wishing to save Savoisy, even at the
+      price of her future salvation.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      First of all the two women determined to let him know their lord and
+      master&rsquo;s suspicion, and beg him to be careful.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Now behold the good washerwoman who, carrying her tub like a mule,
+      attempts to leave the hotel. But at the porch she found a man-at-arms who
+      turned a deaf ear to all the blandishments of the wash-tub. Then she
+      resolved, from her great devotion, to take the soldier on his weak side,
+      and she tickled him so with her fondling that he romped very well with
+      her, although he was armour-plated ready for battle; but when the game was
+      over he still refused to let her go into the street and although she tried
+      to get herself a passport sealed by some of the handsomest, believing them
+      more gallant: neither the archers, men-at-arms, nor others, dared open for
+      her the smallest entrance of the house. &ldquo;You are wicked and ungrateful
+      wretches,&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;not to render me a like service.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Luckily at this employment she learned everything, and came back in great
+      haste to her mistress, to whom she recounted the strange machinations of
+      the count. The two women held a fresh council and had not considered, the
+      time it takes to sing <i>Alleluia</i>, twice, these warlike appearances,
+      watches, defences, and equivocal, specious, and diabolical orders and
+      dispositions before they recognised by the sixth sense with which all
+      females are furnished, the special danger which threatened the poor lover.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Madame having learned that she alone had leave to quit the house, ventured
+      quickly to profit by her right, but she did not go the length of a
+      bow-shot, since the constable had ordered four of his pages to be always
+      on duty ready to accompany the countess, and two of the ensigns of his
+      company not to leave her. Then the poor lady returned to her chamber,
+      weeping as much as all the Magdalens one sees in the church pictures,
+      could weep together.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Alas!&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;my lover must then be killed, and I shall never see him
+      again! . . . he whose words were so sweet, whose manners were so graceful,
+      that lovely head that had so often rested on my knees, will now be bruised
+      . . . What! Can I not throw to my husband an empty and valueless head in
+      place of the one full of charms and worth . . . a rank head for a
+      sweet-smelling one; a hated head for a head of love.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah, Madame!&rdquo; cried the washerwoman, &ldquo;suppose we dress up in the garments
+      of a nobleman, the steward&rsquo;s son who is mad for me, and wearies me much,
+      and having thus accoutered him, we push him out through the postern.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thereupon the two women looked at each other with assassinating eyes.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;This marplot,&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;once slain, all those soldiers will fly away
+      like geese.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, but will not the count recognise the wretch?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And the countess, striking her breast, exclaimed, shaking her head, &ldquo;No,
+      no, my dear, here it is noble blood that must be spilt without stint.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then she thought a little, and jumping with joy, suddenly kissed the
+      laundress, saying, &ldquo;Because I have saved my lover&rsquo;s life by your counsel,
+      I will pay you for his life until death.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thereupon the countess dried her tears, put on the face of a bride, took
+      her little bag and a prayer-book, and went towards the Church of St. Pol
+      whose bells she heard ringing, seeing that the last Mass was about to be
+      said. In this sweet devotion the countess never failed, being a showy
+      woman, like all the ladies of the court. Now this was called the
+      full-dress Mass, because none but fops, fashionables, young gentlemen and
+      ladies puffed out and highly scented, were to be met there. In fact no
+      dresses was seen there without armorial bearings, and no spurs that were
+      not gilt.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      So the Countess of Bonne departed, leaving at the hotel the laundress much
+      astonished, and charged to keep her eyes about her, and came with great
+      pomp to the church, accompanied by her pages, the two ensigns and
+      men-at-arms. It is here necessary to say that among the band of gallant
+      knights who frisked round the ladies in church, the countess had more than
+      one whose joy she was, and who had given his heart to her, after the
+      fashion of youths who put down enough and to spare upon their tablets,
+      only in order to make a conquest of at least one out of a great number.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Among these birds of fine prey who with open beaks looked oftener between
+      the benches and the paternosters than towards the altar and the priests,
+      there was one upon whom the countess sometimes bestowed the charity of a
+      glance, because he was less trifling and more deeply smitten than all the
+      others.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This one remained bashful, always stuck against the same pillar, never
+      moving from it, but readily ravished with the sight alone of this lady
+      whom he had chosen as his. His pale face was softly melancholy. His
+      physiognomy gave proof of fine heart, one of those which nourish ardent
+      passions and plunge delightedly into the despairs of love without hope. Of
+      these people there are few, because ordinarily one likes more a certain
+      thing than the unknown felicities lying and flourishing at the bottommost
+      depths of the soul.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This said gentleman, although his garments were well made, and clean and
+      neat, having even a certain amount of taste shown in the arrangement,
+      seemed to the constable&rsquo;s wife to be a poor knight seeking fortune, and
+      come from afar, with his nobility for his portion. Now partly from a
+      suspicion of his secret poverty, partly because she was well beloved by
+      him and a little because he had a good countenance, fine black hair, and a
+      good figure, and remained humble and submissive in all, the constable&rsquo;s
+      wife desired for him the favour of women and of fortune, not to let his
+      gallantry stand idle, and from a good housewifely idea, she fired his
+      imagination according to her fantasies, by certain small favours and
+      little looks which serpented towards him like biting adders, trifling with
+      the happiness of this young life, like a princess accustomed to play with
+      objects more precious than a simple knight. In fact, her husband risked
+      the whole kingdom as you would a penny at piquet. Finally it was only
+      three days since, at the conclusion of vespers, that the constable&rsquo;s wife
+      pointed out to the queen this follower of love, said laughingly—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;There&rsquo;s a man of quality.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      This sentence remained in the fashionable language. Later it became a
+      custom so to designate the people of the court. It was to the wife of the
+      constable d&rsquo;Armagnac, and to no other source, that the French language is
+      indebted for this charming expression.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      By a lucky chance the countess had surmised correctly concerning this
+      gentleman. He was a bannerless knight, named Julien de Boys-Bourredon, who
+      not having inherited on his estate enough to make a toothpick, and knowing
+      no other wealth than the rich nature with which his dead mother had
+      opportunely furnished him, conceived the idea of deriving therefrom both
+      rent and profit at court, knowing how fond ladies are of those good
+      revenues, and value them high and dear, when they can stand being looked
+      at between two suns. There are many like him who have thus taken the
+      narrow road of women to make their way; but he, far from arranging his
+      love in measured qualities, spend funds and all, as soon as he came to the
+      full-dress Mass, he saw the triumphant beauty of the Countess Bonne. Then
+      he fell really in love, which was a grand thing for his crowns, because he
+      lost both thirst and appetite. This love is of the worst kind, because it
+      incites you to the love of diet, during the diet of love; a double malady,
+      of which one is sufficient to extinguish a man.
+    </p>
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/151s.jpg" alt="151s " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h4>
+      <a href="images/151.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a
+      href="images/151m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a>
+    </h4>
+    <p>
+      Such was the young gentlemen of whom the good lady had thought, and
+      towards whom she came quickly to invite him to his death.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      On entering she saw the poor chevalier, who faithful to his pleasure,
+      awaited her, his back against a pillar, as a sick man longs for the sun,
+      the spring-time, and the dawn. Then she turned away her eyes, and wished
+      to go to the queen and request her assistance in this desperate case, for
+      she took pity on her lover, but one of the captains said to her, with
+      great appearance of respect, &ldquo;Madame, we have orders not to allow you to
+      speak with man or woman, even though it should be the queen or your
+      confessor. And remember that the lives of all of us are at stake.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Is it not your business to die?&rdquo; said she.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And also to obey,&rdquo; replied the soldier.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then the countess knelt down in her accustomed place, and again regarding
+      her faithful slave, found his face thinner and more deeply lined than ever
+      it had been.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Bah!&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;I shall have less remorse for his death; he is half dead
+      as it is.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      With this paraphrase of her idea, she cast upon the said gentleman one of
+      those warm ogles that are only allowable to princesses and harlots, and
+      the false love which her lovely eyes bore witness to, gave a pleasant pang
+      to the gallant of the pillar. Who does not love the warm attack of life
+      when it flows thus round the heart and engulfs everything?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Madame recognised with a pleasure, always fresh in the minds of women, the
+      omnipotence of her magnificent regard by the answer which, without saying
+      a word, the chevalier made to it. And in fact, the blushes which empurpled
+      his cheeks spoke better than the best speeches of the Greek and Latin
+      orators, and were well understood. At this sweet sight, the countess, to
+      make sure that it was not a freak of nature, took pleasure in
+      experimentalising how far the virtue of her eyes would go, and after
+      having heated her slave more than thirty times, she was confirmed in her
+      belief that he would bravely die for her. This idea so touched her, that
+      from three repetitions between her orisons she was tickled with the desire
+      to put into a lump all the joys of man, and to dissolve them for him in
+      one single glance of love, in order that she should not one day be
+      reproached with having not only dissipated the life, but also the
+      happiness of this gentleman. When the officiating priest turned round to
+      sing the <i>Off you go</i> to this fine gilded flock, the constable&rsquo;s wife
+      went out by the side of the pillar where her courtier was, passed in front
+      of him and endeavoured to insinuate into his understanding by a speaking
+      glance that he was to follow her, and to make positive the intelligence
+      and significant interpretation of this gentle appeal, the artful jade
+      turned round again a little after passing him to again request his
+      company. She saw that he had moved a little from his place, and dared not
+      advance, so modest was he, but upon this last sign, the gentleman, sure of
+      not being over-credulous, mixed with the crowd with little and noiseless
+      steps, like an innocent who is afraid of venturing into one of those good
+      places people call bad ones. And whether he walked behind or in front, to
+      the right or to the left, my lady bestowed upon him a glistening glance to
+      allure him the more and the better to draw him to her, like a fisher who
+      gently jerks the lines in order to hook the gudgeon. To be brief: the
+      countess practiced so well the profession of the daughters of pleasure
+      when they work to bring grist into their mills, that one would have said
+      nothing resembled a harlot so much as a woman of high birth. And indeed,
+      on arriving at the porch of her hotel the countess hesitated to enter
+      therein, and again turned her face towards the poor chevalier to invite
+      him to accompany her, discharging at him so diabolical a glance, that he
+      ran to the queen of his heart, believing himself to be called by her.
+      Thereupon, she offered him her hand, and both boiling and trembling from
+      the contrary causes found themselves inside the house. At this wretched
+      hour, Madame d&rsquo;Armagnac was ashamed of having done all these harlotries to
+      the profit of death, and of betraying Savoisy the better to save him; but
+      this slight remorse was lame as the greater, and came tardily. Seeing
+      everything ready, the countess leaned heavily upon her vassal&rsquo;s arm, and
+      said to him—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Come quickly to my room; it is necessary that I should speak with you.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And he, not knowing that his life was in peril, found no voice wherewith
+      to reply, so much did the hope of approaching happiness choke him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When the laundress saw this handsome gentleman so quickly hooked, &ldquo;Ah!&rdquo;
+       said she, &ldquo;these ladies of the court are best at such work.&rdquo; Then she
+      honoured this courtier with a profound salutation, in which was depicted
+      the ironical respect due to those who have the great courage to die for so
+      little.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Picard,&rdquo; said the constable&rsquo;s lady, drawing the laundress to her by the
+      skirt, &ldquo;I have not the courage to confess to him the reward with which I
+      am about to pay his silent love and his charming belief in the loyalty of
+      women.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Bah! Madame: why tell him? Send him away well contented by the postern.
+      So many men die in war for nothing, cannot this one die for something?
+      I&rsquo;ll produce another like him if that will console you.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Come along,&rdquo; cried the countess, &ldquo;I will confess all to him. That will be
+      the punishment for my sins.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thinking that this lady was arranging with her servant certain trifling
+      provisions and secret things in order not to be disturbed in the interview
+      she had promised him, the unknown lover kept at a discreet distance,
+      looking at the flies. Nevertheless, he thought that the countess was very
+      bold, but also, as even a hunchback would have done, he found a thousand
+      reasons to justify her, and thought himself quite worthy to inspire such
+      recklessness. He was lost in those good thoughts when the constable&rsquo;s wife
+      opened the door of her chamber, and invited the chevalier to follow her
+      in. There his noble lady cast aside all the apparel of her lofty fortune,
+      and falling at the feet of this gentleman, became a simple woman.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Alas, sweet sir!&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;I have acted vilely towards you. Listen. On
+      your departure from this house, you will meet your death. The love which I
+      feel for another has bewildered me, and without being able to hold his
+      place here, you will have to take it before his murderers. This is the joy
+      to which I have bidden you.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah!&rdquo; Replied Boys-Bourredon, interring in the depths of his heart a dark
+      despair, &ldquo;I am grateful to you for having made use of me as of something
+      which belonged to you. . . . Yes, I love you so much that every day you I
+      have dreamed of offering you in imitation of the ladies, a thing that can
+      be given but once. Take, then, my life!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And the poor chevalier, in saying this, gave her one glance to suffice for
+      all the time he would have been able to look at her through the long days.
+      Hearing these brave and loving words, Bonne rose suddenly.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! were it not for Savoisy, how I would love thee!&rdquo; said she.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Alas! my fate is then accomplished,&rdquo; replied Boys-Bourredon. &ldquo;My
+      horoscope predicted that I should die by the love of a great lady. Ah,
+      God!&rdquo; said he, clutching his good sword, &ldquo;I will sell my life dearly, but
+      I shall die content in thinking that my decease ensures the happiness of
+      her I love. I should live better in her memory than in reality.&rdquo; At the
+      sight of the gesture and the beaming face of this courageous man, the
+      constable&rsquo;s wife was pierced to the heart. But soon she was wounded to the
+      quick because he seemed to wish to leave her without even asking of her
+      the smallest favour.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Come, that I may arm you,&rdquo; said she to him, making an attempt to kiss
+      him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ha! my lady-love,&rdquo; replied he, moistening with a gentle tear the fire of
+      his eyes, &ldquo;would you render my death impossible by attaching too great a
+      value to my life?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Come,&rdquo; cried she, overcome by this intense love, &ldquo;I do not know what the
+      end of all this will be, but come—afterwards we will go and perish
+      together at the postern.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The same flame leaped in their hearts, the same harmony had struck for
+      both, they embraced each other with a rapture in the delicious excess of
+      that mad fever which you know well I hope; they fell into a profound
+      forgetfulness of the dangers of Savoisy, of themselves, of the constable,
+      of death, of life, of everything.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Meanwhile the watchman at the porch had gone to inform the constable of
+      the arrival of the gallant, and to tell him how the infatuated gentleman
+      had taken no notice of the winks which, during Mass and on the road, the
+      countess had given him in order to prevent his destruction. They met their
+      master arriving in great haste at the postern, because on their side the
+      archers of the quay had whistled to him afar off, saying to him—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The Sire de Savoisy has passed in.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And indeed Savoisy had come at the appointed hour, and like all the
+      lovers, thinking only of his lady, he had not seen the count&rsquo;s spies and
+      had slipped in at the postern. This collision of lovers was the cause of
+      the constable&rsquo;s cutting short the words of those who came from the Rue St.
+      Antoine, saying to them with a gesture of authority, that they did not
+      think wise to disregard—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I know that the animal is taken.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thereupon all rushed with a great noise through this said postern, crying,
+      &ldquo;Death to him! death to him!&rdquo; and men-at-arms, archers, the constable, and
+      the captains, all rushed full tilt upon Charles Savoisy, the king&rsquo;s
+      nephew, who they attacked under the countess&rsquo;s window, where by a strange
+      chance, the groans of the poor young man were dolorously exhaled, mingled
+      with the yells of the soldiers, at the same time as passionate sighs and
+      cries were given forth by the two lovers, who hastened up in great fear.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah!&rdquo; said the countess, turning pale from terror, &ldquo;Savoisy is dying for
+      me!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;But I will live for you,&rdquo; replied Boys-Bourredon, &ldquo;and shall esteem it a
+      joy to pay the same price for my happiness as he has done.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Hide yourself in the clothes chest,&rdquo; cried the countess; &ldquo;I hear the
+      constable&rsquo;s footsteps.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And indeed M. d&rsquo;Armagnac appeared very soon with a head in his hand, and
+      putting it all bloody on the mantleshelf, &ldquo;Behold, Madame,&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;a
+      picture which will enlighten you concerning the duties of a wife towards
+      her husband.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You have killed an innocent man,&rdquo; replied the countess, without changing
+      colour. &ldquo;Savoisy was not my lover.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And with the this speech she looked proudly at the constable with a face
+      marked by so much dissimulation and feminine audacity, that the husband
+      stood looking as foolish as a girl who has allowed a note to escape her
+      below, before a numerous company, and he was afraid of having made a
+      mistake.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Of whom were you thinking this morning?&rdquo; asked he.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I was dreaming of the king,&rdquo; said she.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Then, my dear, why not have told me so?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Would you have believed me in the bestial passion you were in?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The constable scratched his ear and replied—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;But how came Savoisy with the key of the postern?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I don&rsquo;t know,&rdquo; she said, curtly, &ldquo;if you will have the goodness to
+      believe what I have said to you.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And his wife turned lightly on her heel like a weather-cock turned by the
+      wind, pretending to go and look after the household affairs. You can
+      imagine that D&rsquo;Armagnac was greatly embarrassed with the head of poor
+      Savoisy, and that for his part Boys-Bourredon had no desire to cough while
+      listening to the count, who was growling to himself all sorts of words. At
+      length the constable struck two heavy blows over the table and said, &ldquo;I&rsquo;ll
+      go and attack the inhabitants of Poissy.&rdquo; Then he departed, and when the
+      night was come Boys-Bourredon escaped from the house in some disguise or
+      other.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Poor Savoisy was sorely lamented by his lady, who had done all that a
+      woman could do to save her lover, and later he was more than wept, he was
+      regretted; for the countess having related this adventure to Queen
+      Isabella, her majesty seduced Boys-Bourredon from the service of her
+      cousin and put him to her own, so much was she touched with the qualities
+      and firm courage of this gentleman.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Boys-Bourredon was a man whom danger had well recommended to the ladies.
+      In fact he comported himself so proudly in everything in the lofty
+      fortune, which the queen had made for him, that having badly treated King
+      Charles one day when the poor man was in his proper senses, the courtiers,
+      jealous of favour, informed the king of his cuckoldom. Boys-Bourredon was
+      in a moment sewn in a sack and thrown into the Seine, near the ferry at
+      Charenton, as everyone knows. I have no need add, that since the day when
+      the constable took it into his head to play thoughtlessly with knives, his
+      good wife utilised so well the two deaths he had caused and threw them so
+      often in his face, that she made him as soft as a cat&rsquo;s paw and put him in
+      the straight road of marriage; and he proclaimed her a modest and virtuous
+      constable&rsquo;s lady, as indeed she was. As this book should, according to the
+      maxims of great ancient authors, join certain useful things to the good
+      laughs which you will find therein and contain precepts of high taste, I
+      beg to inform you that the quintessence of the story is this: That women
+      need never lose their heads in serious cases, because the God of Love
+      never abandons them, especially when they are beautiful, young, and of
+      good family; and that gallants when going to keep an amorous assignation
+      should never go there like giddy young men, but carefully, and keep a
+      sharp look-out near the burrow, to avoid falling into certain traps and to
+      preserve themselves; for after a good woman the most precious thing is,
+      certes, a pretty gentleman.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0012" id="link2H_4_0012">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE MAID OF THILOUSE
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      The lord of Valennes, a pleasant place, of which the castle is not far
+      from the town of Thilouse, had taken a mean wife, who by reason of taste
+      or antipathy, pleasure or displeasure, health or sickness, allowed her
+      good husband to abstain from those pleasures stipulated for in all
+      contracts of marriage. In order to be just, it should be stated that the
+      above-mentioned lord was a dirty and ill-favoured person, always hunting
+      wild animals and not the more entertaining than is a room full of smoke.
+      And what is more, the said sportsman was all sixty years of age, on which
+      subject, however, he was a silent as a hempen widow on the subject of
+      rope. But nature, which the crooked, the bandy-legged, the blind, and the
+      ugly abuse so unmercifully here below, and have no more esteem for her
+      than the well-favoured,—since, like workers of tapestry, they know
+      not what they do,—gives the same appetite to all and to all the same
+      mouth for pudding. So every beast finds a mate, and from the same fact
+      comes the proverb, &ldquo;There is no pot, however ugly, that does not one day
+      find a cover.&rdquo; Now the lord of Valennes searched everywhere for nice
+      little pots to cover, and often in addition to wild, he hunted tame
+      animals; but this kind of game was scarce in the land, and it was an
+      expensive affair to discover a maid. At length however by reason of much
+      ferreting about and much enquiry, it happened that the lord of Valennes
+      was informed that in Thilouse was the widow of a weaver who had a real
+      treasure in the person of a little damsel of sixteen years, whom she had
+      never allowed to leave her apronstrings, and whom, with great maternal
+      forethought, she always accompanied when the calls of nature demanded her
+      obedience; she had her to sleep with her in her own bed, watched over her,
+      got her up in the morning, and put her to such a work that between the
+      twain they gained about eight pennies a day. On fete days she took her to
+      the church, scarcely giving her a spare moment to exchange a merry word
+      with the young people; above all was she strict in keeping hands off the
+      maiden.
+    </p>
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/161s.jpg" alt="161s " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h4>
+      <a href="images/161.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a
+      href="images/161m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a>
+    </h4>
+    <p>
+      But the times were just then so hard that the widow and her daughter had
+      only bread enough to save them from dying of hunger, and as they lodged
+      with one of their poor relations, they often wanted wood in winter and
+      clothes in summer, owing enough rent to frighten sergeants of justice, men
+      who are not easily frightened at the debts of others; in short, while the
+      daughter was increasing in beauty, the mother was increasing in poverty,
+      and ran into debt on account of her daughter&rsquo;s virginity, as an alchemist
+      will for the crucible in which his all is cast. As soon as his plans were
+      arranged and perfect, one rainy day the said lord of Valennes by a mere
+      chance came into the hovel of the two spinners, and in order to dry
+      himself sent for some fagots to Plessis, close by. While waiting for them,
+      he sat on a stool between the two poor women. By means of the grey shadows
+      and half light of the cabin, he saw the sweet countenance of the maid of
+      Thilouse; her arms were red and firm, her breasts hard as bastions, which
+      kept the cold from her heart, her waist round as a young oak and all fresh
+      and clean and pretty, like the first frost, green and tender as an April
+      bud; in fact, she resembled all that is prettiest in the world. She had
+      eyes of a modest and virtuous blue, with a look more coy than that of the
+      Virgin, for she was less forward, never having had a child.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Had any one said to her, &ldquo;Come, let us make love,&rdquo; she would have said,
+      &ldquo;Love! What is that?&rdquo; she was so innocent and so little open to the
+      comprehensions of the thing.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The good old lord twisted about upon his stool, eyeing the maid and
+      stretching his neck like a monkey trying to catch nuts, which the mother
+      noticed, but said not a word, being in fear of the lord to whom the whole
+      of the country belonged. When the fagot was put into the grate and flared
+      up, the good hunter said to the old woman, &ldquo;Ah, ah! that warms one almost
+      as much as your daughter&rsquo;s eyes.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;But alas, my lord,&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;we have nothing to cook on that fire.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh yes,&rdquo; replied he.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah, my good woman, lend your daughter to my wife, who has need of a good
+      handmaiden: we will give you two fagots every day.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh, my lord, what could I cook at such a good fire?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Why,&rdquo; replied the old rascal, &ldquo;good broth, for I will give you a measure
+      of corn in season.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Then,&rdquo; replied the old hag, &ldquo;where shall I put it?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;In your dish,&rdquo; answered the purchaser of innocence.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;But I have neither dish nor flower-bin, nor anything.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well I will give you dishes and flower-bins, saucepans, flagons, a good
+      bed with curtains, and everything.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; replied the good widow, &ldquo;but the rain would spoil them, I have no
+      house.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You can see from here,&rdquo; replied the lord, &ldquo;the house of La Tourbelliere,
+      where lived my poor huntsmen Pillegrain, who was ripped up by a boar?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; said the old woman.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well, you can make yourself at home there for the rest of your days.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;By my faith;&rdquo; cried the mother, letting fall her distaff, &ldquo;do you mean
+      what you say?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well, then, what will you give my daughter?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;All that she is willing to gain in my service.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh! my lord, you are a joking.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No,&rdquo; said he.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; said she.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;By St. Gatien, St. Eleuther, and by the thousand million saints who are
+      in heaven, I swear that—&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! Well; if you are not jesting I should like those fagots to pass
+      through the hands of the notary.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;By the blood of Christ and the charms of your daughter am I not a
+      gentleman? Is not my word good enough?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! well I don&rsquo;t say that it is not; but as true as I am a poor spinner I
+      love my child too much to leave her; she is too young and weak at present,
+      she will break down in service. Yesterday, in his sermon, the vicar said
+      that we should have to answer to God for our children.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;There! There!&rdquo; said the lord, &ldquo;go and find the notary.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      An old woodcutter ran to the scrivener, who came and drew up a contract,
+      to which the lord of Valennes then put his cross, not knowing how to
+      write, and when all was signed and sealed—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well, old lady,&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;now you are no longer answerable to God for
+      the virtue of your child.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! my lord, the vicar said until the age of reason, and my child is
+      quite reasonable.&rdquo; Then turning towards her, she added, &ldquo;Marie Fiquet,
+      that which is dearest to you is your honour, and there where you are going
+      everyone, without counting my lord, will try to rob you of it, but you see
+      well what it is worth; for that reason do not lose it save willingly and
+      in proper manner. Now in order not to contaminate your virtue before God
+      and before man, except for a legitimate motive, take heed that your chance
+      of marriage be not damaged beforehand, otherwise you will go to the bad.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, dear mother,&rdquo; replied the maid.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      And thereupon she left the poor abode of her relation, and came to the
+      chateau of Valennes, there to serve my lady, who found her both pretty and
+      to her taste.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When the people of Valennes, Sache, Villaines, and other places, learned
+      the high price given for the maid of Thilouse, the good housewives
+      recognising the fact that nothing is more profitable than virtue,
+      endeavoured to nourish and bring up their daughters virtuous, but the
+      business was as risky as that of rearing silkworms, which are liable to
+      perish, since innocence is like a medlar, and ripens quickly on the straw.
+      There were, however, some girls noted for it in Touraine, who passed for
+      virgins in the convents of the religious, but I cannot vouch for these,
+      not having proceeded to verify them in the manner laid down by Verville,
+      in order to make sure of the perfect virtue of women. However, Marie
+      Fiquet followed the wise counsel of her mother, and would take no notice
+      of the soft requests, honied words, or apish tricks of her master, unless
+      they were flavoured with a promise of marriage.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When the old lord tried to kiss her, she would put her back up like a cat
+      at the approach of a dog, crying out &ldquo;I will tell Madame!&rdquo; In short at the
+      end of six months he had not even recovered the price of a single fagot.
+      From her labour Marie Fiquet became harder and firmer. Sometimes she would
+      reply to the gentle request of her master, &ldquo;When you have taken it from me
+      will you give it me back again?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Another time she would say, &ldquo;If I were as full of holes as a sieve not one
+      should be for you, so ugly do I think you.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The good old man took these village sayings for flowers of innocence, and
+      ceased not make little signs to her, long harangues and a hundred vows and
+      sermons, for by reason of seeing the fine breasts of the maid, her plump
+      hips, which at certain movements came into prominent relief, and by reason
+      of admiring other things capable of inflaming the mind of a saint, this
+      dear men became enamoured of her with an old man&rsquo;s passion, which augments
+      in geometrical proportions as opposed to the passions of young men,
+      because the old men love with their weakness which grows greater, and the
+      young with their strength which grows less. In order to leave this
+      headstrong girl no loophole for refusal, the old lord took into his
+      confidence the steward, whose age was seventy odd years, and made him
+      understand that he ought to marry in order to keep his body warm, and that
+      Marie Fiquet was the very girl to suit him. The old steward, who had
+      gained three hundred pounds by different services about the house, desired
+      to live quietly without opening the front door again; but his good master
+      begged him to marry to please him, assuring him that he need not trouble
+      about his wife. So the good steward wandered out of sheer good nature into
+      this marriage. The day of the wedding, bereft of all her reasons, and not
+      able to find objections to her pursuer, she made him give her a fat
+      settlement and dowry as the price of her conquest, and then gave the old
+      knave leave to wink at her as often as he could, promising him as many
+      embraces as he had given grains of wheat to her mother. But at his age a
+      bushel was sufficient.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The festivities over, the lord did not fail, as soon as his wife had
+      retired, to wend his way towards the well-glazed, well-carpeted, and
+      pretty room where he had lodged his lass, his money, his fagots, his
+      house, his wheat, and his steward. To be brief, know that he found the
+      maid of Thilouse the sweetest girl in the world, as pretty as anything, by
+      the soft light of the fire which was gleaming in the chimney, snug between
+      the sheets, and with a sweet odour about her, as a young maiden should
+      have, and in fact he had no regret for the great price of this jewel. Not
+      being able to restrain himself from hurrying over the first mouthfuls of
+      this royal morsel, the lord treated her more as a past master than a young
+      beginner. So the happy man by too much gluttony, managed badly, and in
+      fact knew nothing of the sweet business of love. Finding which, the good
+      wench said, after a minute or two, to her old cavalier, &ldquo;My lord, if you
+      are there, as I think you are, give a little more swing to your bells.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      From this saying, which became spread about, I know not how, Marie Fiquet
+      became famous, and it is still said in our country, &ldquo;She is a maid of
+      Thilouse,&rdquo; in mockery of a bride, and to signify a &ldquo;fricquenelle.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Fricquenelle&rdquo; is said of a girl I do not wish you to find in your arms on
+      your wedding night, unless you have been brought up in the philosophy of
+      Zeno, which puts up with anything, and there are many people obliged to be
+      Stoics in this funny situation, which is often met with, for Nature turns,
+      but changes not, and there are always good maids of Thilouse to be found
+      in Touraine, and elsewhere. Now if you asked me in what consists, or where
+      comes in, the moral of this tale? I am at liberty to reply to the ladies;
+      that the Cent Contes Drolatiques are made more to teach the moral of
+      pleasure than to procure the pleasure of pointing a moral. But if it were
+      a used up old rascal who asked me, I should say to him with all the
+      respect due to his yellow or grey locks; that God wishes to punish the
+      lord of Valennes, for trying to purchase a jewel made to be given.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0013" id="link2H_4_0013">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE BROTHERS-IN-ARMS
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      At the commencement of the reign of King Henry, second of the name, who
+      loved so well the fair Diana, there existed still a ceremony of which the
+      usage has since become much weakened, and which has altogether
+      disappeared, like an infinity of the good things of the olden times. This
+      fine and noble custom was the choice which all knights made of a
+      brother-in-arms. After having recognised each other as two loyal and brave
+      men, each one of this pretty couple was married for life to the other;
+      both became brothers, the one had to defend the other in battling against
+      the enemies who threatened him, and at Court against the friends who
+      slandered him. In the absence of his companion the other was expected to
+      say to one who should have accused his good brother of any disloyalty,
+      wickedness or dark felony, &ldquo;You have lied by your throat,&rdquo; and so go into
+      the field instantly, so sure was the one of the honour of the other. There
+      is no need to add, that the one was always the second of the other in all
+      affairs, good or evil, and that they shared all good or evil fortune. They
+      were better than the brothers who are only united by the hazard of nature,
+      since they were fraternised by the bonds of an especial sentiment,
+      involuntary and mutual, and thus the fraternity of arms has produced
+      splendid characters, as brave as those of the ancient Greeks, Romans, or
+      others. . . . But this is not my subject; the history of these things has
+      been written by the historians of our country, and everyone knows them.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Now at this time two young gentlemen of Touraine, of whom one was the
+      Cadet of Maille, and the other Sieur de Lavalliere, became
+      brothers-in-arms on the day they gained their spurs. They were leaving the
+      house of Monsieur de Montmorency, where they had been nourished with the
+      good doctrines of this great Captain, and had shown how contagious is
+      valour in such good company, for at the battle of Ravenna they merited the
+      praises of the oldest knights. It was in the thick of this fierce fight
+      that Maille, saved by the said Lavalliere, with whom he had had a quarrel
+      or two, perceived that this gentleman had a noble heart. As they had each
+      received slashes in the doublets, they baptised their fraternity with
+      their blood, and were ministered to together in one and the same bed under
+      the tent of Monsieur de Montmorency their master. It is necessary to
+      inform you that, contrary to the custom of his family, which was always to
+      have a pretty face, the Cadet of Maille was not of a pleasing physiognomy,
+      and had scarcely any beauty but that of the devil. For the rest he was
+      lithe as a greyhound, broad shouldered and strongly built as King Pepin,
+      who was a terrible antagonist. On the other hand, the Sieur de Lavalliere
+      was a dainty fellow, for whom seemed to have been invented rich laces,
+      silken hose, and cancellated shoes. His long dark locks were pretty as a
+      lady&rsquo;s ringlets, and he was, to be brief, a child with whom all the women
+      would be glad to play. One day the Dauphine, niece of the Pope, said
+      laughingly to the Queen of Navarre, who did not dislike these little
+      jokes, &ldquo;that this page was a plaster to cure every ache,&rdquo; which caused the
+      pretty little Tourainian to blush, because, being only sixteen, he took
+      this gallantry as a reproach.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Now on his return from Italy the Cadet of Maille found the slipper of
+      marriage ready for his foot, which his mother had obtained for him in the
+      person of Mademoiselle d&rsquo;Annebaut, who was a graceful maiden of good
+      appearance, and well furnished with everything, having a splendid hotel in
+      the Rue Barbette, with handsome furniture and Italian paintings and many
+      considerable lands to inherit. Some days after the death of King Francis—a
+      circumstance which planted terror in the heart of everyone, because his
+      said Majesty had died in consequence of an attack of the Neapolitan
+      sickness, and that for the future there would be no security even with
+      princesses of the highest birth—the above-named Maille was compelled
+      to quit the Court in order to go and arrange certain affairs of great
+      importance in Piedmont. You may be sure that he was very loath to leave
+      his good wife, so young, so delicate, so sprightly, in the midst of the
+      dangers, temptations, snares and pitfalls of this gallant assemblage,
+      which comprised so many handsome fellows, bold as eagles, proud of mein,
+      and as fond of women as the people are partial to Paschal hams. In this
+      state of intense jealousy everything made him ill at ease; but by dint of
+      much thinking, it occurred to him to make sure of his wife in the manner
+      about to be related. He invited his good brother-in-arms to come at
+      daybreak on the morning of his departure. Now directly he heard
+      Lavalliere&rsquo;s horse in the courtyard, he leaped out of bed, leaving his
+      sweet and fair better-half sleeping that gentle, dreamy, dozing sleep so
+      beloved by dainty ladies and lazy people. Lavalliere came to him, and the
+      two companions, hidden in the embrasure of the window, greeted each other
+      with a loyal clasp of the hand, and immediately Lavalliere said to Maille—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I should have been here last night in answer to thy summons, but I had a
+      love suit on with my lady, who had given me an assignation; I could in no
+      way fail to keep it, but I quitted her at dawn. Shall I accompany thee? I
+      have told her of thy departure, she has promised me to remain without any
+      amour; we have made a compact. If she deceives me—well a friend is
+      worth more than a mistress!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh! my good brother&rdquo; replied the Maille, quite overcome with these words,
+      &ldquo;I wish to demand of thee a still higher proof of thy brave heart. Wilt
+      thou take charge of my wife, defend her against all, be her guide, keep
+      her in check and answer to me for the integrity of my head? Thou canst
+      stay here during my absence, in the green-room, and be my wife&rsquo;s
+      cavalier.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Lavalliere knitted his brow and said—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;It is neither thee nor thy wife that I fear, but evil-minded people, who
+      will take advantage of this to entangle us like skeins of silk.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Do not be afraid of me,&rdquo; replied Maille, clasping Lavalliere to his
+      breast. &ldquo;If it be the divine will of the Almighty that I should have the
+      misfortune to be a cuckold, I should be less grieved if it were to your
+      advantage. But by my faith I should die of grief, for my life is bound up
+      in my good, young, virtuous wife.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Saying which, he turned away his head, in order that Lavalliere should not
+      perceive the tears in his eyes; but the fine courtier saw this flow of
+      water, and taking the hand of Maille—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Brother,&rdquo; said he to him, &ldquo;I swear to thee on my honour as a man, that
+      before anyone lays a finger on thy wife, he shall have felt my dagger in
+      the depth of his veins! And unless I should die, thou shalt find her on
+      thy return, intact in body if not in heart, because thought is beyond the
+      control of gentlemen.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;It is then decreed above,&rdquo; exclaimed Maille, &ldquo;that I shall always be thy
+      servant and thy debtor!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thereupon the comrade departed, in order not to be inundated with the
+      tears, exclamations, and other expressions of grief which ladies make use
+      of when saying &ldquo;Farewell.&rdquo; Lavalliere having conducted him to the gate of
+      the town, came back to the hotel, waited until Marie d&rsquo;Annebaut was out of
+      bed, informed her of the departure of her good husband, and offered to
+      place himself at her orders, in such a graceful manner, that the most
+      virtuous woman would have been tickled with a desire to keep such a knight
+      to herself. But there was no need of this fine paternoster to indoctrinate
+      the lady, seeing that she had listened to the discourse of the two
+      friends, and was greatly offended at her husband&rsquo;s doubt. Alas! God alone
+      is perfect! In all the ideas of men there is always a bad side, and it is
+      therefore a great science in life, but an impossible science, to take hold
+      of everything, even a stick by the right end. The cause of the great
+      difficulty there is in pleasing the ladies is, that there is it in them a
+      thing which is more woman than they are, and but for the respect which is
+      due to them, I would use another word. Now we should never awaken the
+      phantasy of this malevolent thing. The perfect government of woman is a
+      task to rend a man&rsquo;s heart, and we are compelled to remain in perfect
+      submission to them; that is, I imagine, the best manner in which to solve
+      the most agonising enigma of marriage.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Now Marie d&rsquo;Annebaut was delighted with the bearing and offers of this
+      gallant; but there was something in her smile which indicated a malicious
+      idea, and, to speak plainly, the intention of putting her young guardian
+      between honour and pleasure; to regale him so with love, to surround him
+      with so many little attentions, to pursue him with such warm glances, that
+      he would be faithless to friendship, to the advantage of gallantry.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Everything was in perfect trim for the carrying out of her design, because
+      of the companionship which the Sire de Lavalliere would be obliged to have
+      with her during his stay in the hotel, and as there is nothing in the
+      world can turn a woman from her whim, at every turn the artful jade was
+      ready to catch him in a trap.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      At times she would make him remain seated near her by the fire, until
+      twelve o&rsquo;clock at night, singing soft refrains, and at every opportunity
+      showed her fair shoulders, and the white temptations of which her corset
+      was full, and casting upon him a thousand piercing glances, all without
+      showing in her face the thoughts that surged in her brain.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      At times she would walk with him in the morning, in the gardens of the
+      hotel, leaning heavily upon his arm, pressing it, sighing, and making him
+      tie the laces of her little shoes, which were always coming undone in that
+      particular place. Then it would be those soft words and things which the
+      ladies understand so well, little attentions paid to a guest, such as
+      coming in to see if he were comfortable, if his bed were well made, the
+      room clean, if the ventilation were good, if he felt any draughts in the
+      night, if the sun came in during the day, and asking him to forgo none of
+      his usual fancies and habits, saying—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Are you accustomed to take anything in the morning in bed, such as honey,
+      milk, or spice? Do the meal times suit you? I will conform mine to yours:
+      tell me. You are afraid to ask me. Come—&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      She accompanied these coddling little attentions with a hundred affected
+      speeches; for instance, on coming into the room she would say—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I am intruding, send me away. You want to be left alone—I will go.&rdquo;
+       And always was she graciously invited to remain.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      And the cunning Madame always came lightly attired, showing samples of her
+      beauty, which would have made a patriarch neigh, even were he as much
+      battered by time as must have been Mr. Methusaleh, with his nine hundred
+      and sixty years.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      That good knight being as sharp as a needle, let the lady go on with her
+      tricks, much pleased to see her occupy herself with him, since it was so
+      much gained; but like a loyal brother, he always called her absent husband
+      to the lady&rsquo;s mind.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Now one evening—the day had been very warm—Lavalliere
+      suspecting the lady&rsquo;s games, told her that Maille loved her dearly, that
+      she had in him a man of honour, a gentleman who doted on her, and was
+      ticklish on the score of his crown.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Why then, if he is so ticklish in this manner, has he placed you here?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Was it not a most prudent thing?&rdquo; replied he. &ldquo;Was it not necessary to
+      confide you to some defender of your virtue? Not that it needs one save to
+      protect you from wicked men.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Then you are my guardian?&rdquo; said she.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I am proud of it!&rdquo; exclaimed Lavalliere.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah!&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;he has made a very bad choice.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      This remark was accompanied by a little look, so lewdly lascivious that
+      the good brother-in-arms put on, by way of reproach, a severe countenance,
+      and left the fair lady alone, much piqued at this refusal to commence
+      love&rsquo;s conflict.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      She remained in deep meditation, and began to search for the real obstacle
+      that she had encountered, for it was impossible that it should enter the
+      mind of any lady, that a gentleman could despise that bagatelle which is
+      of such great price and so high value. Now these thoughts knitted and
+      joined together so well, one fitting into the other, that out of little
+      pieces she constructed a perfect whole, and found herself desperately in
+      love; which should teach the ladies never to play with a man&rsquo;s weapons,
+      seeing that like glue, they always stick to the fingers.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      By this means Marie d&rsquo;Annebaut came to a conclusion which she should have
+      known at the commencement—viz., that to keep clear of her snares,
+      the good knight must be smitten with some other lady, and looking round
+      her, to see where her young guest could have found a needle-case to his
+      taste, she thought of the fair Limeuil, one of Queen Catherine&rsquo;s maids, of
+      Mesdames de Nevers, d&rsquo;Estree, and de Giac, all of whom were declared
+      friends of Lavalliere, and of the lot he must love one to distraction.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      From this belief, she added the motive of jealousy to the others which
+      tempted her to seduce her Argus, whom she did not wish to wound, but to
+      perfume, kiss his head, and treat kindly.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      She was certainly more beautiful, young, and more appetising and gentle
+      than her rivals; at least, that was the melodious decree of her
+      imaginations. So, urged on by the chords and springs of conscience, and
+      physical causes which affect women, she returned to the charge, to
+      commence a fresh assault upon the heart of the chevalier, for the ladies
+      like that which is well fortified.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then she played the pussy-cat, and nestled up close to him, became so
+      sweetly sociable, and wheedled so gently, that one evening when she was in
+      a desponding state, although merry enough in her inmost soul, the
+      guardian-brother asked her—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What is the matter with you?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      To which she replied to him dreamily, being listened to by him as the
+      sweetest music—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      That she had married Maille against her heart&rsquo;s will, and that she was
+      very unhappy; that she knew not the sweets of love; that her husband did
+      not understand her, and that her life was full of tears. In fact, that she
+      was a maiden in heart and all, since she confessed in marriage she had
+      experienced nothing but the reverse of pleasure. And she added, that
+      surely this holy state should be full of sweetmeats and dainties of love,
+      because all the ladies hurried into it, and hated and were jealous of
+      those who out-bid them, for it cost certain people pretty dear; that she
+      was so curious about it that for one good day or night of love, she would
+      give her life, and always be obedient to her lover without a murmur; but
+      that he with whom she would sooner than all others try the experiment
+      would not listen to her; that, nevertheless, the secret of their love
+      might be kept eternally, so great was her husband&rsquo;s confidence in him, and
+      that finally if he still refused it would kill her.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      And all these paraphrases of the common canticle known to the ladies at
+      their birth were ejaculated between a thousand pauses, interrupted with
+      sighs torn from the heart, ornamented with quiverings, appeals to heaven,
+      upturned eyes, sudden blushings and clutchings at her hair. In fact, no
+      ingredient of temptation was lacking in the dish, and at the bottom of all
+      these words there was a nipping desire which embellished even its
+      blemishes. The good knight fell at the lady&rsquo;s feet, and weeping took them
+      and kissed them, and you may be sure the good woman was quite delighted to
+      let him kiss them, and even without looking too carefully to see what she
+      was going to do, she abandoned her dress to him, knowing well that to keep
+      it from sweeping the ground it must be taken at the bottom to raise it;
+      but it was written that for that evening she should be good, for the
+      handsome Lavalliere said to her with despair—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah, madame, I am an unfortunate man and a wretch.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Not at all,&rdquo; said she.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Alas, the joy of loving you is denied to me.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;How?&rdquo; said she.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I dare not confess my situation to you!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Is it then very bad?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah, you will be ashamed of me!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Speak, I will hide my face in my hands,&rdquo; and the cunning madame hid her
+      face is such a way that she could look at her well-beloved between her
+      fingers.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Alas!&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;the other evening when you addressed me in such gracious
+      words, I was so treacherously inflamed, that not knowing my happiness to
+      be so near, and not daring to confess my flame to you, I ran to a Bordel
+      where all the gentleman go, and there for love of you, and to save the
+      honour of my brother whose head I should blush to dishonour, I was so
+      badly infected that I am in great danger of dying of the Italian
+      sickness.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The lady, seized with terror, gave vent to the cry of a woman in labour,
+      and with great emotion, repulsed him with a gentle little gesture. Poor
+      Lavalliere, finding himself in so pitiable state, went out of the room,
+      but he had not even reached the tapestries of the door, when Marie
+      d&rsquo;Annebaut again contemplated him, saying to herself, &ldquo;Ah! what a pity!&rdquo;
+       Then she fell into a state of great melancholy, pitying in herself the
+      gentleman, and became the more in love with him because he was fruit three
+      times forbidden.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;But for Maille,&rdquo; said she to him, one evening that she thought him
+      handsomer than unusual, &ldquo;I would willingly take your disease. Together we
+      should then have the same terrors.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I love you too well,&rdquo; said the brother, &ldquo;not to be good.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And he left her to go to his beautiful Limeuil. You can imagine that being
+      unable to refuse to receive the burning glances of the lady, during meal
+      times, and the evenings, there was a fire nourished that warmed them both,
+      but she was compelled to live without touching her cavalier, otherwise
+      than with her eyes. Thus occupied, Marie d&rsquo;Annebaut was fortified at every
+      point against the gallants of the Court, for there are no bounds so
+      impassable as those of love, and no better guardian; it is like the devil,
+      he whom it has in its clutches it surrounds with flames. One evening,
+      Lavalliere having escorted his friend&rsquo;s wife to a dance given by Queen
+      Catherine, he danced with the fair Limeuil, with whom he was madly in
+      love. At that time the knights carried on their amours bravely two by two,
+      and even in troops. Now all the ladies were jealous of La Limeuil, who at
+      that time was thinking of yielding to the handsome Lavalliere. Before
+      taking their places in the quadrille, she had given him the sweetest of
+      assignations for the morrow, during the hunt. Our great Queen Catherine,
+      who from political motives fermented these loves and stirred them up, like
+      pastrycooks make the oven fires burn by poking, glanced at all the pretty
+      couples interwoven in the quadrille, and said to her husband—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;When they combat here, can they conspire against you, eh?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! but the Protestants?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Bah! have them here as well,&rdquo; said she, laughing. &ldquo;Why, look at
+      Lavalliere, who is suspected to be a Huguenot; he is converted by my dear
+      little Limeuil, who does not play her cards badly for a young lady of
+      sixteen. He will soon have her name down in his list.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah, Madame! do not believe it,&rdquo; said Marie d&rsquo;Annebaut, &ldquo;he is ruined
+      through that same sickness of Naples which made you queen.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      At this artless confession, Catherine, the fair Diana, and the king, who
+      were sitting together, burst out laughing, and the thing ran round the
+      room. This brought endless shame and mockery upon Lavalliere. The poor
+      gentleman, pointed at by everyone, soon wished somebody else in his shoes,
+      for La Limeuil, who his rivals had not been slow laughingly to warn of her
+      danger, appeared to shrink from her lover, so rapid was the spread, and so
+      violent the apprehensions of this nasty disease. Thus Lavalliere found
+      himself abandoned by everyone like a leper. The king made an offensive
+      remark, and the good knight quitted the ball-room, followed by poor Marie
+      in despair at the speech. She had in every way ruined the man she loved:
+      she had destroyed his honour, and marred his life, since the physicians
+      and master surgeons advance as a fact, incapable of contradiction, that
+      persons Italianised by this love sickness, lost through it their greatest
+      attractions, as well as their generative powers, and their bones went
+      black.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Thus no woman would bind herself in legitimate marriage with the finest
+      gentlemen in the kingdom if he were only suspected of being one of those
+      whom Master Frances Rabelais named &ldquo;his very precious scabby ones. . . .
+      .&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      As the handsome knight was very silent and melancholy, his companion said
+      to him on the road home from Hercules House, where the fete had been held—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My dear lord, I have done you a great mischief.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah, madame!&rdquo; replied Lavalliere, &ldquo;my hurt is curable; but into what a
+      predicament have you fallen? You should not have been aware of the danger
+      of my love.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah!&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;I am sure now always to have you to myself; in exchange
+      for this great obloquy and dishonour, I will be forever your friend, your
+      hostess, and your lady-love—more than that, your servant. My
+      determination is to devote myself to you and efface the traces of this
+      shame; to cure you by a watch and ward; and if the learned in these
+      matters declare that the disease has such a hold of you that it will kill
+      you like our defunct sovereign, I must still have your company in order to
+      die gloriously in dying of your complaint. Even then,&rdquo; said she, weeping,
+      &ldquo;that will not be penance enough to atone for the wrong I have done you.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      These words were accompanied with big tears; her virtuous heart waxed
+      faint, she fell to the ground exhausted. Lavalliere, terrified, caught her
+      and placed his hand upon her heart, below a breast of matchless beauty.
+      The lady revived at the warmth of this beloved hand, experiencing such
+      exquisite delights as nearly to make her again unconscious.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Alas!&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;this sly and superficial caress will be for the future
+      the only pleasure of our love. It will still be a hundred times better
+      than the joys which poor Maille fancies he is bestowing on me. . . . Leave
+      your hand there,&rdquo; said she; &ldquo;verily it is upon my soul, and touches it.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      At these words the knight was in a pitiful plight, and innocently
+      confessed to the Lady that he experienced so much pleasure at this touch
+      that the pains of his malady increased, and that death was preferable to
+      this martyrdom.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Let us die then,&rdquo; said she.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But the litter was in the courtyard of the hotel, and as the means of
+      death was not handy, each one slept far from the other, heavily weighed
+      down with love, Lavalliere having lost his fair Limeuil, and Marie
+      d&rsquo;Annebaut having gained pleasures without parallel.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      From this affair, which was quite unforeseen, Lavalliere found himself
+      under the ban of love and marriage and dared no longer appear in public,
+      and he found how much it costs to guard the virtue of a woman; but the
+      more honour and virtue he displayed the more pleasure did he experience in
+      these great sacrifices offered at the shrine of brotherhood. Nevertheless,
+      his duty was very bitter, very ticklish, and intolerable to perform,
+      towards the last days of his guard. And in this way.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The confession of her love, which she believed was returned, the wrong
+      done by her to her cavalier, and the experience of an unknown pleasure,
+      emboldened the fair Marie, who fell into a platonic love, gently tempered
+      with those little indulgences in which there is no danger. From this cause
+      sprang the diabolical pleasures of the game invented by the ladies, who
+      since the death of Francis the First feared the contagion, but wished to
+      gratify their lovers. To these cruel delights, in order to properly play
+      his part, Lavalliere could not refuse his sanction. Thus every evening the
+      mournful Marie would attach her guest to her petticoats, holding his hand,
+      kissing him with burning glances, her cheek placed gently against his, and
+      during this virtuous embrace, in which the knight was held like the devil
+      by a holy water brush, she told him of her great love, which was boundless
+      since it stretched through the infinite spaces of unsatisfied desire. All
+      the fire with which the ladies endow their substantial amours, when the
+      night has no other lights than their eyes, she transferred into the mystic
+      motions of her head, the exultations of her soul, and the ecstasies of her
+      heart. Then, naturally, and with the delicious joy of two angels united by
+      thought alone, they intoned together those sweet litanies repeated by the
+      lovers of the period in honour of love—anthems which the abbot of
+      Theleme has paragraphically saved from oblivion by engraving them on the
+      walls of his Abbey, situated, according to master Alcofribas, in our land
+      of Chinon, where I have seen them in Latin, and have translated them for
+      the benefit of Christians.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Alas!&rdquo; said Marie d&rsquo;Annebaut, &ldquo;thou art my strength and my life, my joy
+      and my treasure.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And you,&rdquo; replied he &ldquo;you are a pearl, an angel.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Thou art my seraphim.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You my soul.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Thou my God.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You my evening star and morning star, my honour, my beauty, my universe.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Thou my great my divine master.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You my glory, my faith, my religion.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Thou my gentle one, my handsome one, my courageous one, my dear one, my
+      cavalier, my defender, my king, my love.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You my fairy, the flower of my days, the dream of my nights.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Thou my thought at every moment.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You the delights of my eyes.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Thou the voice of my soul.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You my light by day.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Thou my glimmer in the night.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You the best beloved among women.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Thou the most adored of men.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You my blood, a myself better than myself.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Thou art my heart, my lustre.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You my saint, my only joy.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I yield thee the palm of love, and how great so&rsquo;er mine be, I believe
+      thou lovest me still more, for thou art the lord.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No; the palm is yours, my goddess, my Virgin Marie.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No; I am thy servant, thine handmaiden, a nothing thou canst crush to
+      atoms.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No, no! it is I who am your slave, your faithful page, whom you see as a
+      breath of air, upon whom you can walk as on a carpet. My heart is your
+      throne.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No, dearest, for thy voice transfigures me.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Your regard burns me.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I see but thee.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I love but you.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh! put thine hand upon my heart—only thine hand—and thou
+      will see me pale, when my blood shall have taken the heat of thine.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then during these struggles their eyes, already ardent, flamed still more
+      brightly, and the good knight was a little the accomplice of the pleasure
+      which Marie d&rsquo;Annebaut took in feeling his hand upon her heart. Now, as in
+      this light embrace all their strength was put forth, all their desires
+      strained, all their ideas of the thing concentrated, it happened that the
+      knight&rsquo;s transport reached a climax. Their eyes wept warm tears, they
+      seized each other hard and fast as fire seizes houses; but that was all.
+      Lavalliere had promised to return safe and sound to his friend the body
+      only, not the heart.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When Maille announced his return, it was quite time, since no virtue could
+      avoid melting upon this gridiron; and the less licence the lovers had, the
+      more pleasure they had in their fantasies.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Leaving Marie d&rsquo;Annebaut, the good companion in arms went as far as Bondy
+      to meet his friend, to help him to pass through the forest without
+      accident, and the two brothers slept together, according to the ancient
+      custom, in the village of Bondy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      There, in their bed, they recounted to each other, one of the adventures
+      of his journey, the other the gossip of the camp, stories of gallantry,
+      and the rest. But Maille&rsquo;s first question was touching Marie d&rsquo;Annebaut,
+      whom Lavalliere swore to be intact in that precious place where the honour
+      of husbands is lodged; at which the amorous Maille was highly delighted.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      On the morrow, they were all three re-united, to the great disgust of
+      Marie, who, with the high jurisprudence of women, made a great fuss with
+      her good husband, but with her finger she indicated her heart in an
+      artless manner to Lavalliere, as one who said, &ldquo;This is thine!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      At supper Lavalliere announced his departure for the wars. Maille was much
+      grieved at this resolution, and wished to accompany his brother; that
+      Lavalliere refused him point blank.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Madame,&rdquo; said he to Marie d&rsquo;Annebaut, &ldquo;I love you more than life, but not
+      more than honour.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      He turned pale saying this, and Madame de Maille blanched hearing him,
+      because never in their amorous dalliance had there been so much true love
+      as in this speech. Maille insisted on keeping his friend company as far as
+      Meaux. When he came back he was talking over with his wife the unknown
+      reasons and secret causes of this departure, when Marie, who suspected the
+      grief of poor Lavalliere said, &ldquo;I know: he is ashamed to stop here because
+      he has the Neapolitan sickness.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;He!&rdquo; said Maille, quite astonished. &ldquo;I saw him when we were in bed
+      together at Bondy the other evening, and yesterday at Meaux. There&rsquo;s
+      nothing the matter with him; he is as sound as a bell.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The lady burst into tears, admiring this great loyalty, the sublime
+      resignation to his oath, and the extreme sufferings of this internal
+      passion. But as she still kept her love in the recesses of her heart, she
+      died when Lavalliere fell before Metz, as has been elsewhere related by
+      Messire Bourdeilles de Brantome in his tittle-tattle.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0014" id="link2H_4_0014">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE VICAR OF AZAY-LE-RIDEAU
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      In those days the priests no longer took any woman in legitimate marriage,
+      but kept good mistresses as pretty as they could get; which custom has
+      since been interdicted by the council, as everyone knows, because, indeed,
+      it was not pleasant that the private confessions of people should be
+      retold to a wench who would laugh at them, besides the other secret
+      doctrines, ecclesiastical arrangements, and speculations which are part
+      and parcel of the politics of the Church of Rome. The last priest in our
+      country who theologically kept a woman in his parsonage, regaling her with
+      his scholastic love, was a certain vicar of Azay-le-Ridel, a place later
+      on most aptly named as Azay-le-Brule, and now Azay-le-Rideau, whose castle
+      is one of the marvels of Touraine. Now this said period, when the women
+      were not averse to the odour of the priesthood, is not so far distant as
+      some may think, Monsieur D&rsquo;Orgemont, son of the preceding bishop, still
+      held the see of Paris, and the great quarrels of the Armagnacs had not
+      finished. To tell the truth, this vicar did well to have his vicarage in
+      that age, since he was well shapen, of a high colour, stout, big, strong,
+      eating and drinking like a convalescent, and indeed, was always rising
+      from a little malady that attacked him at certain times; and, later on, he
+      would have been his own executioner, had he determined to observe his
+      canonical continence. Add to this that he was a Tourainian, id est, dark,
+      and had in his eyes flame to light, and water to quench all the domestic
+      furnaces that required lighting or quenching; and never since at Azay has
+      been such vicar seen! A handsome vicar was he, square-shouldered, fresh
+      coloured, always blessing and chuckling, preferred weddings and
+      christenings to funerals, a good joker, pious in Church, and a man in
+      everything. There have been many vicars who have drunk well and eaten
+      well; others who have blessed abundantly and chuckled consumedly; but all
+      of them together would hardly make up the sterling worth of this aforesaid
+      vicar; and he alone has worthily filled his post with benedictions, has
+      held it with joy, and in it has consoled the afflicted, all so well, that
+      no one saw him come out of his house without wishing to be in his heart,
+      so much was he beloved. It was he who first said in a sermon that the
+      devil was not so black as he was painted, and who for Madame de Cande
+      transformed partridges into fish saying that the perch of the Indre were
+      partridges of the river, and, on the other hand, partridges perch in the
+      air. He never played artful tricks under the cloak of morality, and often
+      said, jokingly, he would rather be in a good bed then in anybody&rsquo;s will,
+      that he had plenty of everything, and wanted nothing. As for the poor and
+      suffering, never did those who came to ask for wool at the vicarage go
+      away shorn, for his hand was always in his pocket, and he melted (he who
+      in all else was so firm) at the sight of all this misery and infirmity,
+      and he endeavoured to heal all their wounds. There have been many good
+      stories told concerning this king of vicars. It was he who caused such
+      hearty laughter at the wedding of the lord of Valennes, near Sacche. The
+      mother of the said lord had a good deal to do with the victuals, roast
+      meats and other delicacies, of which there was sufficient quantity to feed
+      a small town at least, and it is true, at the same time, that people came
+      to the wedding from Montbazon, from Tours, from Chinon, from Langeais, and
+      from everywhere, and stopped eight days.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Now the good vicar, as he was going into the room where the company were
+      enjoying themselves, met the little kitchen boy, who wished to inform
+      Madame that all the elementary substances and fat rudiments, syrups, and
+      sauces, were in readiness for a pudding of great delicacy, the secret
+      compilation, mixing, and manipulation of which she wished herself to
+      superintend, intending it as a special treat for her daughter-in-law&rsquo;s
+      relations. Our vicar gave the boy a tap on the cheek, telling him that he
+      was too greasy and dirty to show himself to people of high rank, and that
+      he himself would deliver the said message. The merry fellow pushes open
+      the door, shapes the fingers of his left hand into the form of a sheath,
+      and moves gently therein the middle finger of his right, at the same time
+      looking at the lady of Valennes, and saying to her, &ldquo;Come, all is ready.&rdquo;
+       Those who did not understand the affair burst out laughing to see Madame
+      get up and go to the vicar, because she knew he referred to the pudding,
+      and not to that which the others imagined.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But a true story is that concerning the manner in which this worthy pastor
+      lost his mistress, to whom the ecclesiastical authorities allowed no
+      successor; but, as for that, the vicar did not want for domestic utensils.
+      In the parish everyone thought it an honour to lend him theirs, the more
+      readily because he was not the man to spoil anything, and was careful to
+      clean them out thoroughly, the dear man. But here are the facts. One
+      evening the good man came home to supper with a melancholy face, because
+      he had just put into the ground a good farmer, whose death came about in a
+      strange manner, and is still frequently talked about in Azay. Seeing that
+      he only ate with the end of his teeth, and turned up his nose at a dish of
+      tripe, which had been cooked in his own special manner, his good woman
+      said to him—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Have you passed before the Lombard (see <i>Master Cornelius, passim</i>),
+      met two black crows, or seen the dead man turn in his grave, that you are
+      so upset?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh! Oh!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Has anyone deceived you?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ha! Ha!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Come, tell me!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My dear, I am still quite overcome at the death of poor Cochegrue, and
+      there is not at the present moment a good housewife&rsquo;s tongue or a virtuous
+      cuckold&rsquo;s lips that are not talking about it.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And what was it?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Listen! This poor Cochegrue was returning from market, having sold his
+      corn and two fat pigs. He was riding his pretty mare, who, near Azay,
+      commenced to caper about without the slightest cause, and poor Cochegrue
+      trotted and ambled along counting his profits. At the corner of the old
+      road of the Landes de Charlemagne, they came upon a stallion kept by the
+      Sieur de la Carte, in a field, in order to have a good breed of horses,
+      because the said animal was fleet of foot, as handsome as an abbot, and so
+      high and mighty that the admiral who came to see it, said it was a beast
+      of the first quality. This cursed horse scented the pretty mare; like a
+      cunning beast, neither neighed nor gave vent to any equine ejaculation,
+      but when she was close to the road, leaped over forty rows of vines and
+      galloped after her, pawing the ground with his iron shoes, discharging the
+      artillery of a lover who longs for an embrace, giving forth sounds to set
+      the strongest teeth on edge, and so loudly, that the people of Champy
+      heard it and were much terrified thereat.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Cochegrue, suspecting the affair, makes for the moors, spurs his amorous
+      mare, relying upon her rapid pace, and indeed, the good mare understands,
+      obeys, and flies—flies like a bird, but a bowshot off follows the
+      blessed horse, thundering along the road like a blacksmith beating iron,
+      and at full speed, his mane flying in the wind, replying to the sound of
+      the mare&rsquo;s swift gallop with his terrible pat-a-pan! pat-a-pan! Then the
+      good farmer, feeling death following him in the love of the beast, spurs
+      anew his mare, and harder still she gallops, until at last, pale and half
+      dead with fear, he reaches the outer yard of his farmhouse, but finding
+      the door of the stable shut he cries, &lsquo;Help here! Wife!&rsquo; Then he turned
+      round on his mare, thinking to avoid the cursed beast whose love was
+      burning, who was wild with passion, and growing more amorous every moment,
+      to the great danger of the mare. His family, horrified at the danger, did
+      not go to open the stable door, fearing the strange embrace and the kicks
+      of the iron-shod lover. At last, Cochegrue&rsquo;s wife went, but just as the
+      good mare was half way through the door, the cursed stallion seized her,
+      squeezed her, gave her a wild greeting, with his two legs gripped her,
+      pinched her and held her tight, and at the same time so kneaded and
+      knocked about Cochegrue that there was only found of him a shapeless mass,
+      crushed like a nut after the oil has been distilled from it. It was
+      shocking to see him squashed alive and mingling his cries with the loud
+      love-sighs of the horse.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh! the mare!&rdquo; exclaimed the vicar&rsquo;s good wench.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What!&rdquo; said the priest astonished.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Certainly. You men wouldn&rsquo;t have cracked a plumstone for us.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;There,&rdquo; answered the vicar, &ldquo;you wrong me.&rdquo; The good man threw her so
+      angrily upon the bed, attacked and treated her so violently that she split
+      into pieces, and died immediately without either surgeons or physicians
+      being able to determine the manner in which the solution of continuity was
+      arrived at, so violently disjointed were the hinges and mesial partitions.
+      You can imagine that he was a proud man, and a splendid vicar as has been
+      previously stated.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The good people of the country, even the women, agreed that he was not to
+      blame, but that his conduct was warranted by the circumstances.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      From this, perhaps, came the proverb so much in use at that time, Que
+      l&rsquo;aze le saille! The which proverb is really so much coarser in its actual
+      wording, that out of respect for the ladies I will not mention it. But
+      this was not the only clever thing that this great and noble vicar
+      achieved, for before this misfortune he did such a stroke of business that
+      no robbers dare ask him how many angels he had in his pocket, even had
+      they been twenty strong and over to attack him. One evening when his good
+      woman was still with him, after supper, during which he had enjoyed his
+      goose, his wench, his wine, and everything, and was reclining in his chair
+      thinking where he could build a new barn for the tithes, a message came
+      for him from the lord of Sacche, who was giving up the ghost and wished to
+      reconcile himself with God, receive the sacrament, and go through the
+      usual ceremonies. &ldquo;He is a good man and loyal lord. I will go.&rdquo; said he.
+      Thereupon he passed into the church, took the silver box where the blessed
+      bread is, rang the little bell himself in order not to wake the clerk, and
+      went lightly and willingly along the roads. Near the Gue-droit, which is a
+      valley leading to the Indre across the moors, our good vicar perceived a
+      high toby. And what is a high toby? It is a clerk of St. Nicholas. Well,
+      what is that? That means a person who sees clearly on a dark night,
+      instructs himself by examining and turning over purses, and takes his
+      degrees on the high road. Do you understand now? Well then, the high toby
+      waited for the silver box, which he knew to be of great value.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh! oh!&rdquo; said the priest, putting down the sacred vase on a stone at the
+      corner of the bridge, &ldquo;stop thou there without moving.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then he walked up to the robber, tipped him up, seized his loaded stick,
+      and when the rascal got up to struggle with him, he gutted him with a blow
+      well planted in the middle of his stomach. Then he picked up the viaticum
+      again, saying bravely to it: &ldquo;Ah! If I had relied upon thy providence, we
+      should have been lost.&rdquo; Now to utter these impious words on the road to
+      Sacche was mere waste of breath, seeing that he addressed them not to God,
+      but to the Archbishop of Tours, who have once severely rebuked him,
+      threatened him with suspension, and admonished him before the Chapter for
+      having publicly told certain lazy people that a good harvest was not due
+      to the grace of God, but to skilled labour and hard work—a doctrine
+      which smelt of the fagot. And indeed he was wrong, because the fruits of
+      the earth have need both of one and the other; but he died in this heresy,
+      for he could never understand how crops could come without digging, if God
+      so willed it—a doctrine that learned men have since proved to be
+      true, by showing that formerly wheat grew very well without the aid of
+      man. I cannot leave this splendid model of a pastor without giving here
+      one of the acts of his life, which proves with what fervour he imitated
+      the saints in the division of their goods and mantles, which they gave
+      formerly to the poor and the passers-by. One day, returning from Tours,
+      where he had been paying his respects to the official, mounted on his
+      mule, he was nearing Azay. On the way, just out side Ballan, he met a
+      pretty girl on foot, and was grieved to see a woman travelling like a dog;
+      the more so as she was visibly fatigued, and could scarcely raise one foot
+      before the other. He whistled to her softly, and the pretty wench turned
+      round and stopped. The good priest, who was too good a sportsman to
+      frighten the birds, especially the hooded ones, begged her so gently to
+      ride behind him on his mule, and in so polite a fashion, that the lass got
+      up; not without making those little excuses and grimaces that they all
+      make when one invites them to eat, or to take what they like. The sheep
+      paired off with the shepherd, the mule jogged along after the fashion of
+      mules, while the girl slipped now this way now that, riding so
+      uncomfortably that the priest pointed out to her, after leaving Ballan,
+      that she had better hold on to him; and immediately my lady put her plump
+      arms around the waist of her cavalier, in a modest and timorous manner.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;There, you don&rsquo;t slip about now. Are you comfortable?&rdquo; said the vicar.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, I am comfortable. Are you?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I?&rdquo; said the priest, &ldquo;I am better than that.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And, in fact, he was quite at his ease, and was soon gently warmed in the
+      back by two projections which rubbed against it, and at last seemed as
+      though they wished to imprint themselves between his shoulder blades,
+      which would have been a pity, as that was not the place for this white
+      merchandise. By degrees the movement of mule brought into conjunction the
+      internal warmth of these two good riders, and their blood coursed more
+      quickly through their veins, seeing that it felt the motion of the mule as
+      well as their own; and thus the good wench and the vicar finished by
+      knowing each other&rsquo;s thoughts, but not those of the mule. When they were
+      both acclimatised, he with her and she with him, they felt an internal
+      disturbance which resolved itself into secret desires.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah!&rdquo; said the vicar, turning round to his companion, &ldquo;here is a fine
+      cluster of trees which has grown very thick.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;It is too near the road,&rdquo; replied the girl. &ldquo;Bad boys have cut the
+      branches, and the cows have eaten the young leaves.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Are you not married?&rdquo; asked the vicar, trotting his animal again.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No,&rdquo; said she.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Not at all?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I&rsquo;faith! No!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What a shame, at your age!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You are right, sir; but you see, a poor girl who has had a child is a bad
+      bargain.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then the good vicar taking pity on such ignorance, and knowing that the
+      canons say among other things that pastors should indoctrinate their flock
+      and show them the duties and responsibilities of this life, he thought he
+      would only be discharging the functions of his office by showing her the
+      burden she would have one day to bear. Then he begged her gently not be
+      afraid, for if she would have faith in his loyalty no one should ever know
+      of the marital experiment which he proposed then and there to perform with
+      her; and as, since passing Ballan the girl had thought of nothing else; as
+      her desire had been carefully sustained, and augmented by the warm
+      movements of the animal, she replied harshly to the vicar, &ldquo;if you talk
+      thus I will get down.&rdquo; Then the good vicar continued his gentle requests
+      so well that on reaching the wood of Azay the girl wished to get down, and
+      the priest got down there too, for it was not across a horse that this
+      discussion could be finished. Then the virtuous maiden ran into the
+      thickest part of the wood to get away from the vicar, calling out, &ldquo;Oh,
+      you wicked man, you shan&rsquo;t know where I am.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The mule arrived in a glade where the grass was good, the girl tumbled
+      down over a root and blushed. The good vicar came to her, and there as he
+      had rung the bell for mass he went through the service for her, and both
+      freely discounted the joys of paradise. The good priest had it in his
+      heart to thoroughly instruct her, and found his pupil very docile, as
+      gentle in mind as soft in the flesh, a perfect jewel. Therefore was he
+      much aggrieved at having so much abridged the lessons by giving it at
+      Azay, seeing that he would have been quite willing to recommence it, like
+      all of precentors who say the same thing over and over again to their
+      pupils.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! little one,&rdquo; cried the good man, &ldquo;why did you make so much fuss that
+      we only came to an understanding close to Azay?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah!&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;I belong to Bellan.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      To be brief, I must tell you that when this good man died in his vicarage
+      there was a great number of people, children and others, who came,
+      sorrowful, afflicted, weeping, and grieved, and all exclaimed, &ldquo;Ah! we
+      have lost our father.&rdquo; And the girls, the widows, the wives and little
+      girls looked at each other, regretting him more than a friend, and said,
+      &ldquo;He was more than a priest, he was a man!&rdquo; Of these vicars the seed is
+      cast to the winds, and they will never be reproduced in spite of the
+      seminaries.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Why, even the poor, to whom his savings were left, found themselves still
+      the losers, and an old cripple whom he had succoured hobbled into the
+      churchyard, crying &ldquo;I don&rsquo;t die! I don&rsquo;t!&rdquo; meaning to say, &ldquo;Why did not
+      death take me in his place?&rdquo; This made some of the people laugh, at which
+      the shade of the good vicar would certainly not have been displeased.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0015" id="link2H_4_0015">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE REPROACH
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      The fair laundress of Portillon-les-Tours, of whom a droll saying has
+      already been given in this book, was a girl blessed with as much cunning
+      as if she had stolen that of six priests and three women at least. She did
+      not want for sweethearts, and had so many that one would have compared
+      them, seeing them around her, to bees swarming of an evening towards their
+      hive. An old silk dyer, who lived in the Rue St. Montfumier, and there
+      possessed a house of scandalous magnificence, coming from his place at La
+      Grenadiere, situated on the fair borders of St. Cyr, passed on horseback
+      through Portillon in order to gain the Bridge of Tours. By reason of the
+      warmth of the evening, he was seized with a wild desire on seeing the
+      pretty washerwoman sitting upon her door-step. Now as for a very long time
+      he had dreamed of this pretty maid, his resolution was taken to make her
+      his wife, and in a short time she was transformed from a washerwoman into
+      a dyer&rsquo;s wife, a good townswoman, with laces, fine linen, and furniture to
+      spare, and was happy in spite of the dyer, seeing that she knew very well
+      how to manage him. The good dyer had for a crony a silk machinery
+      manufacturer who was small in stature, deformed for life, and full of
+      wickedness. So on the wedding-day he said to the dyer, &ldquo;You have done well
+      to marry, my friend, we shall have a pretty wife!&rdquo;; and a thousand sly
+      jokes, such as it is usual to address to a bridegroom.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In fact, this hunchback courted the dyer&rsquo;s wife, who from her nature,
+      caring little for badly built people, laughed to scorn the request of the
+      mechanician, and joked him about the springs, engines, and spools of which
+      his shop was full. However, this great love of the hunchback was rebuffed
+      by nothing, and became so irksome to the dyer&rsquo;s wife that she resolved to
+      cure it by a thousand practical jokes. One evening, after the sempiternal
+      pursuit, she told her lover to come to the back door and towards midnight
+      she would open everything to him. Now note, this was on a winter&rsquo;s night;
+      the Rue St. Montfumier is close to the Loire, and in this corner there
+      continually blow in winter, winds sharp as a hundred needle-points. The
+      good hunchback, well muffled up in his mantle, failed not to come, and
+      trotted up and down to keep himself warm while waiting for the appointed
+      hour. Towards midnight he was half frozen, as fidgety as thirty-two devils
+      caught in a stole, and was about to give up his happiness, when a feeble
+      light passed by the cracks of the window and came down towards the little
+      door.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah, it is she!&rdquo; said he.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      And this hope warned him once more. Then he got close to the door, and
+      heard a little voice—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Are you there?&rdquo; said the dyer&rsquo;s wife to him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Cough, that I may see.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The hunchback began to cough.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;It is not you.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then the hunchback said aloud—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;How do you mean, it is not I? Do you not recognise my voice? Open the
+      door!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Who&rsquo;s there?&rdquo; said the dyer, opening the window.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;There, you have awakened my husband, who returned from Amboise
+      unexpectedly this evening.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thereupon the dyer, seeing by the light of the moon a man at the door,
+      threw a big pot of cold water over him, and cried out, &ldquo;Thieves! thieves!&rdquo;
+       in such a manner that the hunchback was forced to run away; but in his
+      fear he failed to clear the chain stretched across the bottom of the road
+      and fell into the common sewer, which the sheriff had not then replaced by
+      a sluice to discharge the mud into the Loire. In this bath the mechanician
+      expected every moment to breathe his last, and cursed the fair
+      Tascherette, for her husband&rsquo;s name being Taschereau, she was so called by
+      way of a little joke by the people of Tours.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Carandas—for so was named the manufacturer of machines to weave, to
+      spin, to spool, and to wind the silk—was not sufficiently smitten to
+      believe in the innocence of the dyer&rsquo;s wife, and swore a devilish hate
+      against her. But some days afterwards, when he had recovered from his
+      wetting in the dyer&rsquo;s drain he came up to sup with his old comrade. Then
+      the dyer&rsquo;s wife reasoned with him so well, flavoured her words with so
+      much honey, and wheedled him with so many fair promises, that he dismissed
+      his suspicions.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He asked for a fresh assignation, and the fair Tascherette with the face
+      of a woman whose mind is dwelling on a subject, said to him, &ldquo;Come
+      tomorrow evening; my husband will be staying some days at Chinonceaux. The
+      queen wishes to have some of her old dresses dyed and would settle the
+      colours with him. It will take some time.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Carandas put on his best clothes, failed not to keep the appointment,
+      appeared at the time fixed, and found a good supper prepared, lampreys,
+      wine of Vouvray, fine white napkins—for it was not necessary to
+      remonstrate with the dyer&rsquo;s wife on the colour of her linen—and
+      everything so well prepared that it was quite pleasant to him to see the
+      dishes of fresh eels, to smell the good odour of the meats, and to admire
+      a thousand little nameless things about the room, and La Tascherette fresh
+      and appetising as an apple on a hot day. Now, the mechanician, excited to
+      excess by these warm preparations, was on the point of attacking the
+      charms of the dyer&rsquo;s wife, when Master Taschereau gave a loud knock at the
+      street door.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ha!&rdquo; said madame, &ldquo;what has happened? Put yourself in the clothes chest,
+      for I have been much abused respecting you; and if my husband finds you,
+      he may undo you; he is so violent in his temper.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And immediately she thrust the hunchback into the chest, and went quickly
+      to her good husband, whom she knew well would be back from Chinonceaux to
+      supper. Then the dyer was kissed warmly on both his eyes and on both his
+      ears and he caught his good wife to him and bestowed upon her two hearty
+      smacks with his lips that sounded all over the room. Then the pair sat
+      down to supper, talked together and finished by going to bed; and the
+      mechanician heard all, though obliged to remain crumpled up, and not to
+      cough or to make a single movement. He was in with the linen, crushed up
+      as close as a sardine in a box, and had about as much air as he would have
+      had at the bottom of a river; but he had, to divert him, the music of
+      love, the sighs of the dyer, and the little jokes of La Tascherette. At
+      last, when he fancied his old comrade was asleep, he made an attempt to
+      get out of the chest.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Who is there?&rdquo; said the dyer.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What is the matter my little one?&rdquo; said his wife, lifting her nose above
+      the counterpane.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I heard a scratching,&rdquo; said the good man.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;We shall have rain to-morrow; it&rsquo;s the cat,&rdquo; replied his wife.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The good husband put his head back upon the pillow after having been
+      gently embraced by his spouse. &ldquo;There, my dear, you are a light sleeper.
+      It&rsquo;s no good trying to make a proper husband of you. There, be good. Oh!
+      oh! my little papa, your nightcap is on one side. There, put it on the
+      other way, for you must look pretty even when you are asleep. There! are
+      you all right?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Are you sleep?&rdquo; said she, giving him a kiss.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      In the morning the dyer&rsquo;s wife came softly and let out the mechanician,
+      who was whiter than a ghost.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Give me air, give me air!&rdquo; said he.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      And away he ran cured of his love, but with as much hate in his heart as a
+      pocket could hold of black wheat. The said hunchback left Tours and went
+      to live in the town of Bruges, where certain merchants had sent for him to
+      arrange the machinery for making hauberks.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      During his long absence, Carandas, who had Moorish blood in his veins,
+      since he was descended from an ancient Saracen left half dead after the
+      great battle which took place between the Moors and the French in the
+      commune of Bellan (which is mentioned in the preceding tale), in which
+      place are the Landes of Charlemagne, where nothing grows because of the
+      cursed wretches and infidels there interred, and where the grass disagrees
+      even with the cows—this Carandas never rose up or lay down in a
+      foreign land without thinking of how he could give strength to his desires
+      of vengeance; and he was dreaming always of it, and wishing nothing less
+      than the death of the fair washerwoman of Portillon and often would cry
+      out &ldquo;I will eat her flesh! I will cook one of her breasts, and swallow it
+      without sauce!&rdquo; It was a tremendous hate of good constitution—a
+      cardinal hate—a hate of a wasp or an old maid. It was all known
+      hates moulded into one single hate, which boiled itself, concocted itself,
+      and resolved self into an elixir of wicked and diabolical sentiments,
+      warmed at the fire of the most flaming furnaces of hell—it was, in
+      fact, a master hate.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Now one fine day, the said Carandas came back into Touraine with much
+      wealth, that he brought from the country of Flanders, where he had sold
+      his mechanical secrets. He bought a splendid house in Rue St. Montfumier,
+      which is still to be seen, and is the astonishment of the passers-by,
+      because it has certain very queer round humps fashioned upon the stones of
+      the wall. Carandas, the hater, found many notable changes at the house of
+      his friend, the dyer, for the good man had two sweet children, who, by a
+      curious chance, presented no resemblance either to the mother or to the
+      father. But as it is necessary that children bear a resemblance to
+      someone, there are certain people who look for the features of their
+      ancestors, when they are good-looking—the flatters. So it was found
+      by the good husband that his two boys were like one of his uncles,
+      formerly a priest at Notre Dame de l&rsquo;Egrignolles, but according to certain
+      jokers, these two children were the living portraits of a good-looking
+      shaven crown officiating in the Church of Notre Dame la Riche, a
+      celebrated parish situated between Tours and Plessis. Now, believe one
+      thing, and inculcate it upon your minds, and when in this book you shall
+      only have gleaned, gathered, extracted, and learned this one principle of
+      truth, look upon yourself as a lucky man—namely, that a man can
+      never dispense with his nose, id est, that a man will always be snotty—that
+      is to say, he will remain a man, and thus will continue throughout all
+      future centuries to laugh and drink, to find himself in his shirt without
+      feeling either better or worse there, and will have the same occupations.
+      But these preparatory ideas are to better to fix in the understanding that
+      this two-footed soul will always accept as true those things which flatter
+      his passions, caress his hates, or serve his amours: from this comes
+      logic. So it was that, the first day the above-mentioned Carandas saw his
+      old comrade&rsquo;s children, saw the handsome priest, saw the beautiful wife of
+      the dyer, saw La Taschereau, all seated at the table, and saw to his
+      detriment the best piece of lamprey given with a certain air by La
+      Tascherette to her friend the priest, the mechanician said to himself, &ldquo;My
+      old friend is a cuckold, his wife intrigues with the little confessor, and
+      the children have been begotten with his holy water. I&rsquo;ll show them that
+      the hunchbacks have something more than other men.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And this was true—true as it is that Tours has always had its feet
+      in the Loire, like a pretty girl who bathes herself and plays with the
+      water, making a flick-flack, by beating the waves with her fair white
+      hands; for the town is more smiling, merry, loving, fresh, flowery, and
+      fragrant than all the other towns of the world, which are not worthy to
+      comb her locks or to buckle her waistband. And be sure if you go there you
+      will find, in the centre of it, a sweet place, in which is a delicious
+      street where everyone promenades, where there is always a breeze, shade,
+      sun, rain, and love. Ha! ha! laugh away, but go there. It is a street
+      always new, always royal, always imperial—a patriotic street, a
+      street with two paths, a street open at both ends, a wide street, a street
+      so large that no one has ever cried, &ldquo;Out of the way!&rdquo; there. A street
+      which does not wear out, a street which leads to the abbey of Grand-mont,
+      and to a trench, which works very well with the bridge, and at the end of
+      which is a finer fair ground. A street well paved, well built, well
+      washed, as clean as a glass, populous, silent at certain times, a coquette
+      with a sweet nightcap on its pretty blue tiles—to be short, it is
+      the street where I was born; it is the queen of streets, always between
+      the earth and sky; a street with a fountain; a street which lacks nothing
+      to be celebrated among streets; and, in fact, it is the real street, the
+      only street of Tours. If there are others, they are dark, muddy, narrow,
+      and damp, and all come respectfully to salute this noble street, which
+      commands them. Where am I? For once in this street no one cares to come
+      out of it, so pleasant it is. But I owed this filial homage, this
+      descriptive hymn sung from the heart to my natal street, at the corners of
+      which there are wanting only the brave figures of my good master Rabelais,
+      and of Monsieur Descartes, both unknown to the people of the country. To
+      resume: the said Carandas was, on his return from Flanders, entertained by
+      his comrade, and by all those by whom he was liked for his jokes, his
+      drollery, and quaint remarks. The good hunchback appeared cured of his old
+      love, embraced the children, and when he was alone with the dyer&rsquo;s wife,
+      recalled the night in the clothes-chest, and the night in the sewer, to
+      her memory, saying to her, &ldquo;Ha, ha! what games you used to have with me.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;It was your own fault,&rdquo; said she, laughing. &ldquo;If you had allowed yourself
+      by reason of your great love to be ridiculed, made a fool of, and bantered
+      a few more times, you might have made an impression on me, like the
+      others.&rdquo; Thereupon Carandas commenced to laugh, though inwardly raging all
+      the time. Seeing the chest where he had nearly been suffocated, his anger
+      increased the more violently because the sweet creature had become still
+      more beautiful, like all those who are permanently youthful from bathing
+      in the water of youth, which waters are naught less than the sources of
+      love. The mechanician studied the proceedings in the way of cuckoldom at
+      his neighbour&rsquo;s house, in order to revenge himself, for as many houses as
+      there are so many varieties of manner are there in this business; and
+      although all amours resemble each other in the same manner that all men
+      resemble each other, it is proved to the abstractors of true things, that
+      for the happiness of women, each love has its especial physiognomy, and if
+      there is nothing that resembles a man so much as a man, there is also
+      nothing differs from a man so much as a man. That it is, which confuses
+      all things, or explains the thousand fancies of women, who seek the best
+      men with a thousand pains and a thousand pleasures, perhaps more the one
+      than the other. But how can I blame them for their essays, changes, and
+      contradictory aims? Why, Nature frisks and wriggles, twists and turns
+      about, and you expect a woman to remain still! Do you know if ice is
+      really cold? No. Well then, neither do you know that cuckoldom is not a
+      lucky chance, the produce of brains well furnished and better made than
+      all the others. Seek something better than ventosity beneath the sky. This
+      will help to spread the philosophic reputation of this eccentric book. Oh
+      yes; go on. He who cries &ldquo;vermin powder,&rdquo; is more advanced than those who
+      occupy themselves with Nature, seeing that she is a proud jade and a
+      capricious one, and only allows herself to be seen at certain times. Do
+      you understand? So in all languages does she belong to the feminine
+      gender, being a thing essentially changeable and fruitful and fertile in
+      tricks.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Now Carandas soon recognised the fact that among cuckoldoms the best
+      understood and the most discreet is ecclesiastical cuckoldom. This is how
+      the good dyer&rsquo;s wife had laid her plans. She went always towards her
+      cottage at Grenadiere-les-St.-Cyr on the eve of the Sabbath, leaving her
+      good husband to finish his work, to count up and check his books, and to
+      pay his workmen; then Taschereau would join her there on the morrow, and
+      always found a good breakfast ready and his good wife gay, and always
+      brought the priest with him. The fact is, this damnable priest crossed the
+      Loire the night before in a small boat, in order to keep the dyer&rsquo;s wife
+      warm, and to calm her fancies, in order that she might sleep well during
+      the night, a duty which young men understand very well. Then this fine
+      curber of phantasies got back to his house in the morning by the time
+      Taschereau came to invite him to spend the day at La Grenadiere, and the
+      cuckold always found the priest asleep in his bed. The boatman being well
+      paid, no one knew anything of these goings on, for the lover journeyed the
+      night before after night fall, and on the Sunday in the early morning. As
+      soon as Carandas had verified the arrangement and constant practice of
+      these gallant diversions, he determined to wait for a day when the lovers
+      would meet, hungry one for the other, after some accidental abstinence.
+      This meeting took place very soon, and the curious hunchback saw the
+      boatman waiting below the square, at the Canal St. Antoine, for the young
+      priest, who was handsome, blonde, slender, and well-shaped, like the
+      gallant and cowardly hero of love, so celebrated by Monsieur Ariosto. Then
+      the mechanician went to find the old dyer, who always loved his wife and
+      always believed himself the only man who had a finger in her pie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! good evening, old friend,&rdquo; said Carandas to Taschereau; and
+      Taschereau made him a bow.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then the mechanician relates to him all the secret festivals of love,
+      vomits words of peculiar import, and pricks the dyer on all sides.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      At length, seeing he was ready to kill both his wife and the priest,
+      Carandas said to him, &ldquo;My good neighbour, I had brought back from Flanders
+      a poisoned sword, which will instantly kill anyone, if it only make a
+      scratch upon him. Now, directly you shall have merely touched your wench
+      and her paramour, they will die.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Let us go and fetch it,&rdquo; said the dyer.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then the two merchants went in great haste to the house of the hunchback,
+      to get the sword and rush off to the country.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;But shall we find them in flagrante delicto?&rdquo; asked Taschereau.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You will see,&rdquo; said the hunchback, jeering his friend. In fact, the
+      cuckold had not long to wait to behold the joy of the two lovers.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The sweet wench and her well-beloved were busy trying to catch, in a
+      certain lake that you probably know, that little bird that sometimes makes
+      his nest there, and they were laughing and trying, and still laughing.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah, my darling!&rdquo; said she, clasping him, as though she wished to make an
+      outline of him on her chest, &ldquo;I love thee so much I should like to eat
+      thee! Nay, more than that, to have you in my skin, so that you might never
+      quit me.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I should like it too,&rdquo; replied the priest, &ldquo;but as you can&rsquo;t have me
+      altogether, you must try a little bit at a time.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      It was at this moment that the husband entered, he sword unsheathed and
+      flourished above him. The beautiful Tascherette, who knew her lord&rsquo;s face
+      well, saw what would be the fate of her well-beloved the priest. But
+      suddenly she sprang towards the good man, half naked, her hair streaming
+      over her, beautiful with shame, but more beautiful with love, and cried to
+      him, &ldquo;Stay, unhappy man! Wouldst thou kill the father of thy children?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thereupon the good dyer staggered by the paternal majesty of cuckoldom,
+      and perhaps also by the fire of his wife&rsquo;s eyes, let the sword fall upon
+      the foot of the hunchback, who had followed him, and thus killed him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This teaches us not to be spiteful.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_EPIL" id="link2H_EPIL">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      EPILOGUE
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      Here endeth the first series of these Tales, a roguish sample of the works
+      of that merry Muse, born ages ago, in our fair land of Touraine, the which
+      Muse is a good wench, and knows by heart that fine saying of her friend
+      Verville, written in <i>Le Moyen de Parvenir</i>: It is only necessary to
+      be bold to obtain favours. Alas! mad little one, get thee to bed again,
+      sleep; thou art panting from thy journey; perhaps thou hast been further
+      than the present time. Now dry thy fair naked feet, stop thine ears, and
+      return to love. If thou dreamest other poesy interwoven with laughter to
+      conclude these merry inventions, heed not the foolish clamour and insults
+      of those who, hearing the carol of a joyous lark of other days, exclaim:
+      Ah, the horrid bird!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0017" id="link2H_4_0017">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/207s.jpg" alt="207s " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h4>
+      <a href="images/207.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a
+      href="images/207m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a>
+    </h4>
+    <h2>
+      VOLUME II
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      THE SECOND TEN TALES
+    </h3>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      PROLOGUE
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      Certain persons have reproached the Author for knowing no more about the
+      language of the olden times than hares do of telling stories. Formerly
+      these people would have been vilified, called cannibals, churls, and
+      sycophants, and Gomorrah would have been hinted at as their natal place.
+      But the Author consents to spare them the flowery epithets of ancient
+      criticism; he contents himself with wishing not to be in their skin, for
+      he would be disgusted with himself, and esteem himself the vilest of
+      scribblers thus to calumniate a poor little book which is not in the style
+      of any spoil-paper of these times. Ah! ill-natured wretches! you should
+      save your breath to cool your own porridge! The Author consoles himself
+      for his want of success in not pleasing everyone by remembering that an
+      old Tourainian, of eternal memory, had put up with such contumely, that
+      losing all patience, he declared in one of his prologues, that he would
+      never more put pen to paper. Another age, but the same manners. Nothing
+      changes, neither God above nor men below. Thereupon of the Author
+      continues his task with a light heart, relying upon the future to reward
+      his heavy labours.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      And certes, it is a hard task to invent <i>A Hundred Droll Tales</i>,
+      since not only have ruffians and envious men opened fire upon him, but his
+      friends have imitated their example, and come to him saying &ldquo;Are you mad?
+      Do you think it is possible? No man ever had in the depths of his
+      imagination a hundred such tales. Change the hyperbolic title of your
+      budget. You will never finish it.&rdquo; These people are neither misanthropes
+      nor cannibals; whether they are ruffians I know not; but for certain they
+      are kind, good-natured friends; friends who have the courage to tell you
+      disagreeable things all your life along, who are rough and sharp as
+      currycombs, under the pretence that they are yours to command, in all the
+      mishaps of life, and in the hour of extreme unction, all their worth will
+      be known. If such people would only keep these sad kindnesses; but they
+      will not. When their terrors are proved to have been idle, they exclaimed
+      triumphantly, &ldquo;Ha! ha! I knew it. I always said so.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      In order not to discourage fine sentiments, intolerable though they be,
+      the Author leaves to his friends his old shoes, and in order to make their
+      minds easy, assures them that he has, legally protected and exempt from
+      seizure, seventy droll stories, in that reservoir of nature, his brain. By
+      the gods! they are precious yarns, well rigged out with phrases, carefully
+      furnished with catastrophes, amply clothed with original humour, rich in
+      diurnal and nocturnal effects, nor lacking that plot which the human race
+      has woven each minute, each hour, each week, month, and year of the great
+      ecclesiastical computation, commenced at a time when the sun could
+      scarcely see, and the moon waited to be shown her way. These seventy
+      subjects, which he gives you leave to call bad subjects, full of tricks
+      and impudence, lust, lies, jokes, jests, and ribaldry, joined to the two
+      portions here given, are, by the prophet! a small instalment on the
+      aforesaid hundred.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Were it not a bad time for a bibliopolists, bibliomaniacs, bibliographers,
+      and bibliotheques which hinder bibliolatry, he would have given them in a
+      bumper, and not drop by drop as if he were afflicted with dysury of the
+      brain. He cannot possibly be suspected of this infirmity, since he often
+      gives good weight, putting several stories into one, as is clearly
+      demonstrated by several in this volume. You may rely on it, that he has
+      chosen for the finish, the best and most ribald of the lot, in order that
+      he may not be accused of a senile discourse. Put then more likes with your
+      dislikes, and dislikes with your likes. Forgetting the niggardly behaviour
+      of nature to story-tellers, of whom there are not more than seven perfect
+      in the great ocean of human writers, others, although friendly, have been
+      of opinion that, at a time when everyone went about dressed in black, as
+      if in mourning for something, it was necessary to concoct works either
+      wearisomely serious or seriously wearisome; that a writer could only live
+      henceforward by enshrining his ideas in some vast edifice, and that those
+      who were unable to construct cathedrals and castles of which neither stone
+      nor cement could be moved, would die unknown, like the Pope&rsquo;s slippers.
+      The friends were requested to declare which they liked best, a pint of
+      good wine, or a tun of cheap rubbish; a diamond of twenty-two carats, or a
+      flintstone weighing a hundred pounds; the ring of Hans Carvel, as told by
+      Rabelais, or a modern narrative pitifully expectorated by a schoolboy.
+      Seeing them dumbfounded and abashed, it was calmly said to them, &ldquo;Do you
+      thoroughly understand, good people? Then go your ways and mind your own
+      businesses.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The following, however, must be added, for the benefit of all of whom it
+      may concern:—The good man to whom we owe fables and stories of
+      sempiternal authority only used his tool on them, having taken his
+      material from others; but the workmanship expended on these little figures
+      has given them a high value; and although he was, like M. Louis Ariosto,
+      vituperated for thinking of idle pranks and trifles, there is a certain
+      insect engraved by him which has since become a monument of perennity more
+      assured than that of the most solidly built works. In the especial
+      jurisprudence of wit and wisdom the custom is to steal more dearly a leaf
+      wrested from the book of Nature and Truth, than all the indifferent
+      volumes from which, however fine they be, it is impossible to extract
+      either a laugh or a tear. The author has licence to say this without any
+      impropriety, since it is not his intention to stand upon tiptoe in order
+      to obtain an unnatural height, but because it is a question of the majesty
+      of his art, and not of himself—a poor clerk of the court, whose
+      business it is to have ink in his pen, to listen to the gentleman on the
+      bench, and take down the sayings of each witness in this case. He is
+      responsible for workmanship, Nature for the rest, since from the Venus of
+      Phidias the Athenian, down to the little old fellow, Godenot, commonly
+      called the Sieur Breloque, a character carefully elaborated by one of the
+      most celebrated authors of the present day, everything is studied from the
+      eternal model of human imitations which belongs to all. At this honest
+      business, happy are the robbers that they are not hanged, but esteemed and
+      beloved. But he is a triple fool, a fool with ten horns on his head, who
+      struts, boasts, and is puffed up at an advantage due to the hazard of
+      dispositions, because glory lies only in the cultivation of the faculties,
+      in patience and courage.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      As for the soft-voiced and pretty-mouthed ones, who have whispered
+      delicately in the author&rsquo;s ear, complaining to him that they have
+      disarranged their tresses and spoiled their petticoats in certain places,
+      he would say to them, &ldquo;Why did you go there?&rdquo; To these remarks he is
+      compelled, through the notable slanders of certain people, to add a notice
+      to the well-disposed, in order that they may use it, and end the calumnies
+      of the aforesaid scribblers concerning him.
+    </p>
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/213s.jpg" alt="213s " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h4>
+      <a href="images/213.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a
+      href="images/213m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a>
+    </h4>
+    <p>
+      These droll tales are written—according to all authorities—at
+      that period when Queen Catherine, of the house of Medici, was hard at
+      work; for, during a great portion of the reign, she was always interfering
+      with public affairs to the advantage of our holy religion. The which time
+      has seized many people by the throat, from our defunct Master Francis,
+      first of that name, to the Assembly at Blois, where fell M. de Guise. Now,
+      even schoolboys who play at chuck-farthing, know that at this period of
+      insurrection, pacifications and disturbances, the language of France was a
+      little disturbed also, on account of the inventions of the poets, who at
+      that time, as at this, used each to make a language for himself, besides
+      the strange Greek, Latin, Italian, German, and Swiss words, foreign
+      phrases, and Spanish jargon, introduced by foreigners, so that a poor
+      writer has plenty of elbow room in this Babelish language, which has since
+      been taken in hand by Messieurs de Balzac, Blaise Pascal, Furetiere,
+      Menage, St. Evremonde, de Malherbe, and others, who first cleaned out the
+      French language, sent foreign words to the rightabout, and gave the right
+      of citizenship to legitimate words used and known by everyone, but of
+      which the Sieur Ronsard was ashamed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Having finished, the author returns to his lady-love, wishing every
+      happiness to those by whom he is beloved; to the others misfortune
+      according to their deserts. When the swallows fly homeward, he will come
+      again, not without the third and fourth volume, which he here promises to
+      the Pantagruelists, merry knaves, and honest wags of all degrees, who have
+      a wholesome horror of the sadness, sombre meditation and melancholy of
+      literary croakers.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0021" id="link2H_4_0021">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE THREE CLERKS OF ST. NICHOLAS
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      The <i>Inn of the Three Barbels</i> was formerly at Tours, the best place
+      in the town for sumptuous fare; and the landlord, reputed the best of
+      cooks, went to prepare wedding breakfasts as far as Chatelherault, Loches,
+      Vendome, and Blois. This said man, an old fox, perfect in his business,
+      never lighted lamps in the day time, knew how to skin a flint, charged for
+      wool, leather, and feathers, had an eye to everything, did not easily let
+      anyone pay with chaff instead of coin, and for a penny less than his
+      account would have affronted even a prince. For the rest, he was a good
+      banterer, drinking and laughing with his regular customers, hat in hand
+      always before the persons furnished with plenary indulgences entitled <i>Sit
+      nomen Domini benedictum</i>, running them into expense, and proving to
+      them, if need were, by sound argument, that wines were dear, and that
+      whatever they might think, nothing was given away in Touraine, everything
+      had to be bought, and, at the same time, paid for. In short, if he could
+      without disgrace have done so, he would have reckoned so much for the good
+      air, and so much for the view of the country. Thus he built up a tidy
+      fortune with other people&rsquo;s money, became as round as a butt, larded with
+      fat, and was called Monsieur. At the time of the last fair three young
+      fellows, who were apprentices in knavery, in whom there was more of the
+      material that makes thieves than saints, and who knew just how far it was
+      possible to go without catching their necks in the branches of trees, made
+      up their minds to amuse themselves, and live well, condemning certain
+      hawkers or others in all the expenses. Now these limbs of Satan gave the
+      slip to their masters, under whom they had been studying the art of
+      parchment scrawling, and came to stay at the hotel of the Three Barbels,
+      where they demanded the best rooms, turned the place inside out, turned up
+      their noses at everything, bespoke all the lampreys in the market, and
+      announced themselves as first-class merchants, who never carried their
+      goods with them, and travelled only with their persons. The host bustled
+      about, turned the spits, and prepared a glorious repast, for these three
+      dodgers, who had already made noise enough for a hundred crowns, and who
+      most certainly would not even have given up the copper coins which one of
+      them was jingling in his pocket. But if they were hard up for money they
+      did not want for ingenuity, and all three arranged to play their parts
+      like thieves at a fair. Theirs was a farce in which there was plenty of
+      eating and drinking, since for five days they so heartily attacked every
+      kind of provision that a party of German soldiers would have spoiled less
+      than they obtained by fraud. These three cunning fellows made their way to
+      the fair after breakfast, well primed, gorged, and big in the belly, and
+      did as they liked with the greenhorns and others, robbing, filching,
+      playing, and losing, taking down the writings and signs and changing them,
+      putting that of the toyman over the jeweller&rsquo;s, and that of the jeweller&rsquo;s
+      outside the shoe maker&rsquo;s, turning the shops inside out, making the dogs
+      fight, cutting the ropes of tethered horses, throwing cats among the
+      crowd, crying, &ldquo;Stop thief!&rdquo; And saying to every one they met, &ldquo;Are you
+      not Monsieur D&rsquo;Enterfesse of Angiers?&rdquo; Then they hustled everyone, making
+      holes in the sacks of flour, looking for their handkerchiefs in ladies&rsquo;
+      pockets, raising their skirts, crying, looking for a lost jewel and saying
+      to them—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ladies, it has fallen into a hole!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      They directed the little children wrongly, slapped the stomachs of those
+      who were gaping in the air, and prowled about, fleecing and annoying every
+      one. In short, the devil would have been a gentleman in comparison with
+      these blackguard students, who would have been hanged rather than do an
+      honest action; as well have expected charity from two angry litigants.
+      They left the fair, not fatigued, but tired of ill-doing, and spent the
+      remainder of their time over dinner until the evening when they
+      recommenced their pranks by torchlight. After the peddlers, they commenced
+      operations on the ladies of the town, to whom, by a thousand dodges, they
+      gave only that which they received, according to the axiom of Justinian:
+      <i>Cuiqum jus tribuere</i>. &ldquo;To every one his own juice;&rdquo; and afterwards
+      jokingly said to the poor wenches—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;We are in the right and you are in the wrong.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      At last, at supper-time, having nothing else to do, they began to knock
+      each other about, and to keep the game alive, complained of the flies to
+      the landlord, remonstrating with him that elsewhere the innkeepers had
+      them caught in order that gentleman of position might not be annoyed by
+      them. However, towards the fifth day, which is the critical day of fevers,
+      the host not having seen, although he kept his eyes wide open, the royal
+      surface of a crown, and knowing that if all that glittered were gold it
+      would be cheaper, began to knit his brows and go more slowly about that
+      which his high-class merchants required of him. Fearing that he had made a
+      bad bargain with them, he tried to sound the depth of their pockets;
+      perceiving which the three clerks ordered him with the assurance of a
+      Provost hanging his man, to serve them quickly with a good supper as they
+      had to depart immediately. Their merry countenances dismissed the host&rsquo;s
+      suspicions. Thinking that rogues without money would certainly look grave,
+      he prepared a supper worthy of a canon, wishing even to see them drunk, in
+      order the more easily to clap them in jail in the event of an accident.
+      Not knowing how to make their escape from the room, in which they were
+      about as much at their ease as are fish upon straw, the three companions
+      ate and drank immoderately, looking at the situation of the windows,
+      waiting the moment to decamp, but not getting the opportunity. Cursing
+      their luck, one of them wished to go and undo his waistcoat, on account of
+      a colic, the other to fetch a doctor to the third, who did his best to
+      faint. The cursed landlord kept dodging about from the kitchen into the
+      room, and from the room into the kitchen, watching the nameless ones, and
+      going a step forward to save his crowns, and going a step back to save his
+      crown, in case they should be real gentlemen; and he acted like a brave
+      and prudent host who likes halfpence and objects to kicks; but under
+      pretence of properly attending to them, he always had an ear in the room,
+      and a foot in the court; fancied he was always being called by them, came
+      every time they laughed, showing them a face with an unsettled look upon
+      it, and always said, &ldquo;Gentlemen, what is your pleasure?&rdquo; This was an
+      interrogatory in reply to which they would willingly have given him ten
+      inches of his own spit in his stomach, because he appeared as if he knew
+      very well what would please them at this juncture, seeing that to have
+      twenty crowns, full weight, they would each of them have sold a third of
+      his eternity. You can imagine they sat on their seats as if they were
+      gridirons, that their feet itched and their posteriors were rather warm.
+      Already the host had put the pears, the cheese, and the preserves near
+      their noses, but they, sipping their liquor, and picking at the dishes,
+      looked at each other to see if either of them had found a good piece of
+      roguery in his sack, and they all began to enjoy themselves rather
+      woefully. The most cunning of the three clerks, who was a Burgundian,
+      smiled and said, seeing the hour of payment arrived, &ldquo;This must stand over
+      for a week,&rdquo; as if they had been at the Palais de Justice. The two others,
+      in spite of the danger, began to laugh.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What do we owe?&rdquo; asked he who had in his belt the heretofore mentioned
+      twelve sols and he turned them about as though he would make them breed
+      little ones by this excited movement. He was a native of Picardy, and very
+      passionate; a man to take offence at anything in order that he might throw
+      the landlord out the window in all security of conscience. Now he said
+      these words with the air of a man of immense wealth.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Six crowns, gentlemen,&rdquo; replied the host, holding out his hand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I cannot permit myself to be entertained by you alone, Viscount,&rdquo; said
+      the third student, who was from Anjou, and as artful as a woman in love.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Neither can I,&rdquo; said the Burgundian.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Gentlemen! Gentlemen!&rdquo; replied the Picardian &ldquo;you are jesting. I am yours
+      to command.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Sambreguoy!&rdquo; cried he of Anjou. &ldquo;You will not let us pay three times; our
+      host would not suffer it.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well then,&rdquo; said the Burgundian, &ldquo;whichever of us shall tell the worst
+      tale shall justify the landlord.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Who will be the judge?&rdquo; asked the Picardian, dropping his twelve sols to
+      the bottom of his pocket.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Pardieu! our host. He should be capable, seeing that he is a man of
+      taste,&rdquo; said he of Anjou. &ldquo;Come along, great chef, sit you down, drink,
+      and lend us both your ears. The audience is open.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thereupon the host sat down, but not until he had poured out a gobletful
+      of wine.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My turn first,&rdquo; said the Anjou man. &ldquo;I commence.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;In our Duchy of Anjou, the country people are very faithful servants to
+      our Holy of Catholic religion, and none of them will lose his portion of
+      paradise for lack of doing penance or killing a heretic. If a professor of
+      heresy passed that way, he quickly found himself under the grass, without
+      knowing whence his death had proceeded. A good man of Larze, returning one
+      night from his evening prayer to the wine flasks of Pomme-de-Pin, where he
+      had left his understanding and memory, fell into a ditch full of water
+      near his house, and found he was up to his neck. One of the neighbours
+      finding him shortly afterwards nearly frozen, for it was winter time, said
+      jokingly to him—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;Hulloa! What are you waiting for there?&rsquo;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;A thaw&rsquo;, said the tipsy fellow, finding himself held by the ice.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Then Godenot, like a good Christian, released him from his dilemma, and
+      opened the door of the house to him, out of respect to the wine, which is
+      lord of this country. The good man then went and got into the bed of the
+      maid-servant, who was a young and pretty wench. The old bungler, bemuddled
+      with wine, went ploughing in the wrong land, fancying all the time it was
+      his wife by his side, and thanking her for the youth and freshness she
+      still retained. On hearing her husband, the wife began to cry out, and by
+      her terrible shrieks the man was awakened to the fact that he was not in
+      the road to salvation, which made the poor labourer sorrowful beyond
+      expression.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;Ah! said he; &lsquo;God has punished me for not going to vespers at Church.&rsquo;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And he began to excuse himself as best he could, saying, that the wine
+      had muddled his understanding, and getting into his own bed he kept
+      repeating to his good wife, that for his best cow he would not have had
+      this sin upon his conscience.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;My dear&rsquo;, said she, &lsquo;go and confess the first thing tomorrow morning,
+      and let us say no more about it.&rsquo;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The good man trotted to confessional, and related his case with all
+      humility to the rector of the parish, who was a good old priest, capable
+      of being up above, the slipper of the holy foot.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;An error is not a sin,&rsquo; said he to the penitent. &lsquo;You will fast
+      tomorrow, and be absolved.&rsquo;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;Fast!—with pleasure,&rsquo; said the good man. &lsquo;That does not mean go
+      without drink.&rsquo;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;Oh!&rsquo; replied the rector, &lsquo;you must drink water, and eat nothing but a
+      quarter of a loaf and an apple.&rsquo;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Then the good man, who had no confidence in his memory, went home,
+      repeating to himself the penance ordered. But having loyally commenced
+      with a quarter of a loaf and an apple, he arrived at home, saying, a
+      quarter of apples, and a loaf.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Then, to purify his soul, he set about accomplishing his fast, and his
+      good woman having given him a loaf from the safe, and unhooked a string of
+      apples from the beam, he set sorrowfully to work. As he heaved a sigh on
+      taking the last mouthful of bread hardly knowing where to put it, for he
+      was full to the chin, his wife remonstrated with him, that God did not
+      desire the death of a sinner, and that for lack of putting a crust of
+      bread in his belly, he would not be reproached for having put things in
+      their wrong places.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;Hold your tongue, wife!&rsquo; said he. &lsquo;If it chokes me, I must fast.&rsquo;&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I&rsquo;ve payed my share, it&rsquo;s your turn, Viscount,&rdquo; added he of Anjou, giving
+      the Picardian a knowing wink.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The goblets are empty. Hi, there! More wine.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Let us drink,&rdquo; cried the Picardian. &ldquo;Moist stories slip out easier.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      At the same time he tossed off a glassful without leaving a drop at the
+      bottom, and after a preliminary little cough, he related the following:—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You must know that the maids of Picardy, before setting up housekeeping,
+      are accustomed honestly to gain their linen, vessels, and chests; in
+      short, all the needed household utensils. To accomplish this, they go into
+      service in Peronne, Abbeville, Amiens, and other towns, where they are
+      tire-women, wash up glasses, clean plates, fold linen, and carry up the
+      dinner, or anything that there is to be carried. They are all married as
+      soon as they possess something else besides that which they naturally
+      bring to their husbands. These women are the best housewives, because they
+      understand the business and everything else thoroughly. One belonging to
+      Azonville, which is the land of which I am lord by inheritance, having
+      heard speak of Paris, where the people did not put themselves out of the
+      way for anyone, and where one could subsist for a whole day by passing the
+      cook&rsquo;s shops, and smelling the steam, so fattening was it, took it into
+      her head to go there. She trudged bravely along the road, and arrived with
+      a pocket full of emptiness. There she fell in, at the Porte St. Denise,
+      with a company of soldiers, placed there for a time as a vidette, for the
+      Protestants had assumed a dangerous attitude. The sergeant seeing this
+      hooded linnet coming, stuck his headpiece on one side, straightened his
+      feather, twisted his moustache, cleared his throat, rolled his eyes, put
+      his hand on his hips, and stopped the Picardian to see if her ears were
+      properly pierced, since it was forbidden to girls to enter otherwise into
+      Paris. Then he asked her, by way of a joke, but with a serious face, what
+      brought her there, he pretending to believe she had come to take the keys
+      of Paris by assault. To which the poor innocent replied, that she was in
+      search of a good situation, and had no evil intentions, only desiring to
+      gain something.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;Very well; I will employ you,&rsquo; said the wag. &lsquo;I am from Picardy, and
+      will get you taken in here, where you will be treated as a queen would
+      often like to be, and you will be able to make a good thing of it.&rsquo;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Then he led her to the guard-house, where he told her to sweep the floor,
+      polish the saucepans, stir the fire, and keep a watch on everything,
+      adding that she should have thirty sols a head from the men if their
+      service pleased her. Now seeing that the squad was there for a month, she
+      would be able to gain ten crowns, and at their departure would find fresh
+      arrivals who would make good arrangements with her, and by this means she
+      would be able to take back money and presents to her people. The girl
+      cleaned the room and prepared the meals so well, singing and humming, that
+      this day the soldiers found in their den the look of a monk&rsquo;s refectory.
+      Then all being well content, each of them gave a sol to their handmaiden.
+      Well satisfied, they put her into the bed of their commandant, who was in
+      town with his lady, and they petted and caressed her after the manner of
+      philosophical soldiers, that is, soldiers partial to that which is good.
+      She was soon comfortably ensconced between the sheets. But to avoid
+      quarrels and strife, my noble warriors drew lots for their turn, arranged
+      themselves in single file, playing well at Pique hardie, saying not a
+      word, but each one taking at least twenty-six sols worth of the girl&rsquo;s
+      society. Although not accustomed to work for so many, the poor girl did
+      her best, and by this means never closed her eyes the whole night. In the
+      morning, seeing the soldiers were fast asleep, she rose happy at bearing
+      no marks of the sharp skirmish, and although slightly fatigued, managed to
+      get across the fields into the open country with her thirty sols. On the
+      route to Picardy, she met one of her friends, who, like herself, wished to
+      try service in Paris, and was hurrying thither, and seeing her, asked her
+      what sort of places they were.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;Ah! Perrine; do not go. You want to be made of iron, and even if you
+      were it would soon be worn away,&rsquo; was the answer.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Now, big-belly of Burgundy,&rdquo; said he, giving his neighbour a hearty slap,
+      &ldquo;spit out your story or pay!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;By the queen of Antlers!&rdquo; replied the Burgundian, &ldquo;by my faith, by the
+      saints, by God! and by the devil, I know only stories of the Court of
+      Burgundy, which are only current coin in our own land.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Eh, ventre Dieu! are we not in the land of Beauffremont?&rdquo; cried the
+      other, pointing to the empty goblets.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I will tell you, then, an adventure well known at Dijon, which happened
+      at the time I was in command there, and was worth being written down.
+      There was a sergeant of justice named Franc-Taupin, who was an old lump of
+      mischief, always grumbling, always fighting; stiff and starchy, and never
+      comforting those he was leading to the hulks, with little jokes by the
+      way; and in short, he was just the man to find lice in bald heads, and bad
+      behaviour in the Almighty. This said Taupin, spurned by every one, took
+      unto himself a wife, and by chance he was blessed with one as mild as the
+      peel of an onion, who, noticing the peculiar humour of her husband, took
+      more pains to bring joy to his house than would another to bestow horns
+      upon him. But although she was careful to obey him in all things, and to
+      live at peace would have tried to excrete gold for him, had God permitted
+      it, this man was always surly and crabbed, and no more spared his wife
+      blows, than does a debtor promises to the bailiff&rsquo;s man. This unpleasant
+      treatment continuing in spite of the carefulness and angelic behaviour of
+      the poor woman, she being unable to accustom herself to it, was compelled
+      to inform her relations, who thereupon came to the house. When they
+      arrived, the husband declared to them that his wife was an idiot, that she
+      displeased him in every possible way, and made his life almost unbearable;
+      that she would wake him out of his first sleep, never came to the door
+      when he knocked, but would leave him out in the rain and the cold, and
+      that the house was always untidy. His garments were buttonless, his laces
+      wanted tags. The linen was spoiling, the wine turning sour, the wood damp,
+      and the bed was always creaking at unreasonable moments. In short,
+      everything was going wrong. To this tissue of falsehoods, the wife replied
+      by pointing to the clothes and things, all in a state of thorough repair.
+      Then the sergeant said that he was very badly treated, that his dinner was
+      never ready for him, or if it was, the broth was thin or the soup cold,
+      either the wine or the glasses were forgotten, the meat was without gravy
+      or parsley, the mustard had turned, he either found hairs in the dish or
+      the cloth was dirty and took away his appetite, indeed nothing did she
+      ever get for him that was to his liking. The wife, astonished, contented
+      herself with stoutly denying the fault imputed to her. &lsquo;Ah,&rsquo; said he, &lsquo;you
+      dirty hussy! You deny it, do you! Very well then, my friends, you come and
+      dine here to-day, you shall be witnesses of her misconduct. And if she can
+      for once serve me properly, I will confess myself wrong in all I have
+      stated, and will never lift my hand against her again, but will resign to
+      her my halberd and my breeches, and give her full authority here.&rsquo;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;Oh, well,&rsquo; said she, joyfully, &lsquo;I shall then henceforth be both wife and
+      mistress!&rsquo;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Then the husband, confident of the nature and imperfections of his wife,
+      desired that the dinner should be served under the vine arbor, thinking
+      that he would be able to shout at her if she did not hurry quickly enough
+      from the table to the pantry. The good housewife set to work with a will.
+      The plates were clean enough to see one&rsquo;s face in, the mustard was fresh
+      and well made, the dinner beautifully cooked, as appetising as stolen
+      fruit; the glasses were clear, the wine was cool, and everything so nice,
+      so clean and white, that the repast would have done honour to a bishop&rsquo;s
+      chatterbox. Just as she was standing before the table, casting that last
+      glance which all good housewives like to give everything, her husband
+      knocked at the door. At that very moment a cursed hen, who had taken it
+      into her head to get on top of the arbor to gorge herself with grapes, let
+      fall a large lump of dirt right in the middle of the cloth. The poor woman
+      was half dead with fright; so great was her despair, she could think of no
+      other way of remedying the thoughtlessness of the fowl then by covering
+      the unseemly patch with a plate in which she put the fine fruits taken at
+      random from her pocket, losing sight altogether of the symmetry of the
+      table. Then, in order that no one should notice it, she instantly fetched
+      the soup, seated every one in his place, and begged them to enjoy
+      themselves.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Now, all of them seeing everything so well arranged, uttered exclamations
+      of pleasure, except the diabolical husband, who remained moody and sullen,
+      knitting his brows and looking for a straw on which to hang a quarrel with
+      his wife. Thinking it safe to give him one for himself, her relations
+      being present, she said to him, &lsquo;Here&rsquo;s your dinner, nice and hot, well
+      served, the cloth is clean, the salt-cellars full, the plates clean, the
+      wine fresh, the bread well baked. What is there lacking? What do you
+      require? What do you desire? What else do you want?&rsquo;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;Oh, filth!&rsquo; said he, in a great rage.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The good woman instantly lifted the plate, and replied—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;There you are, my dear!&rsquo;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Seeing which, the husband was dumbfounded, thinking that the devil was in
+      league with his wife. He was immediately gravely reproached by the
+      relations, who declared him to be in the wrong, abused him, and made more
+      jokes at his expense than a recorder writes words in a month. From that
+      time forward the sergeant lived comfortably and peaceably with his wife,
+      who at the least appearance of temper on his part, would say to him—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;Do you want some filth?&rsquo;&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Who has told the worst now?&rdquo; cried the Anjou man, giving the host a tap
+      on the shoulder.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;He has! He has!&rdquo; said the two others. Then they began to dispute among
+      themselves, like the holy fathers in council; seeking, by creating a
+      confusion, throwing the glasses at each other, and jumping about, a lucky
+      chance, to make a run of it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I&rsquo;ll settle the question,&rdquo; cried the host, seeing that whereas they had
+      all three been ready with their own accounts, not one of them was thinking
+      of his.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      They stopped terrified.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I will tell you a better one than all, then you will have to give ten
+      sols a head.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Silence for the landlord,&rdquo; said the one from Anjou.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;In our fauborg of Notre-dame la Riche, in which this inn is situated,
+      there lived a beautiful girl, who besides her natural advantages, had a
+      good round sum in her keeping. Therefore, as soon as she was old enough,
+      and strong enough to bear the matrimonial yoke, she had as many lovers as
+      there are sols in St. Gatien&rsquo;s money-box on the Paschal-day. The girl
+      chose one who, saving your presence, was as good a worker, night and day,
+      as any two monks together. They were soon betrothed, and the marriage was
+      arranged; but the joy of the first night did not draw nearer without
+      occasioning some slight apprehensions to the lady, as she was liable,
+      through an infirmity, to expel vapours, which came out like bombshells.
+      Now, fearing that when thinking of something else, during the first night,
+      she might give the reins to her eccentricities, she stated the case to her
+      mother, whose assistance she invoked. That good lady informed her that
+      this faculty of engineering wind was inherent in the family; that in her
+      time she had been greatly embarrassed by it, but only in the earlier
+      period of her life. God had been kind to her, and since the age of seven,
+      she had evaporated nothing except on the last occasion when she had
+      bestowed upon her dead husband a farewell blow. &lsquo;But,&rsquo; said she to her
+      daughter, &lsquo;I have ever a sure specific, left to me by my mother, which
+      brings these surplus explosions to nothing, and exhales them noiselessly.
+      By this means these sighs become odourless, and scandal is avoided.&rsquo;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The girl, much pleased, learned how to sail close to the wind, thanked
+      her mother, and danced away merrily, storing up her flatulence like an
+      organ-blower waiting for the first note of mass. Entering the nuptial
+      chamber, she determined to expel it when getting into bed, but the
+      fantastic element was beyond control. The husband came; I leave you to
+      imagine how love&rsquo;s conflict sped. In the middle of the night, the bride
+      arose under a false pretext, and quickly returned again; but when climbing
+      into her place, the pent up force went off with such a loud discharge,
+      that you would have thought with me that the curtains were split.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;Ha! I&rsquo;ve missed my aim!&rsquo; said she.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;&rsquo;Sdeath, my dear!&rsquo; I replied, &lsquo;then spare your powder. You would earn a
+      good living in the army with that artillery.&rsquo;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;It was my wife.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ha! ha! ha!&rdquo; went the clerks.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      And they roared with laughter, holding their sides and complimenting their
+      host.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Did you ever hear a better story, Viscount?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah, what a story!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;That is a story!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;A master story!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The king of stories!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ha, ha! It beats all the other stories hollow. After that I say there are
+      no stories like the stories of our host.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;By the faith of a Christian, I never heard a better story in my life.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Why, I can hear the report.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I should like to kiss the orchestra.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! gentlemen,&rdquo; said the Burgundian, gravely, &ldquo;we cannot leave without
+      seeing the hostess, and if we do not ask to kiss this famous
+      wind-instrument, it is a out of respect for so good a story-teller.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thereupon they all exalted the host, his story, and his wife&rsquo;s trumpet so
+      well that the old fellow, believing in these knaves&rsquo; laughter and pompous
+      eulogies, called to his wife. But as she did not come, the clerks said,
+      not without frustrative intention, &ldquo;Let us go to her.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thereupon they all went out of the room. The host took the candle and went
+      upstairs first, to light them and show them the way; but seeing the street
+      door ajar, the rascals took to their heels, and were off like shadows,
+      leaving the host to take in settlement of his account another of his
+      wife&rsquo;s offerings.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0022" id="link2H_4_0022">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE CONTINENCE OF KING FRANCIS THE FIRST
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      Every one knows through what adventure King Francis, the first of that
+      name, was taken like a silly bird and led into the town of Madrid, in
+      Spain. There the Emperor Charles V. kept him carefully locked up, like an
+      article of great value, in one of his castles, in the which our defunct
+      sire, of immortal memory, soon became listless and weary, seeing that he
+      loved the open air, and his little comforts, and no more understood being
+      shut up in a cage than a cat would folding up lace. He fell into moods of
+      such strange melancholy that his letters having been read in full council,
+      Madame d&rsquo;Angouleme, his mother; Madame Catherine, the Dauphine, Monsieur
+      de Montmorency, and those who were at the head of affairs in France
+      knowing the great lechery of the king, determined after mature
+      deliberation, to send Queen Marguerite to him, from whom he would
+      doubtless receive alleviation of his sufferings, that good lady being much
+      loved by him, and merry, and learned in all necessary wisdom. But she,
+      alleging that it would be dangerous for her soul, because it was
+      impossible for her, without great danger to be alone with the king in his
+      cell, a sharp secretary, the Sieur de Fizes, was sent to the Court of
+      Rome, with orders to beg of the pontiff a papal brief of special
+      indulgences, containing proper absolutions for the petty sins which,
+      looking at their consanguinity, the said queen might commit with a view to
+      cure the king&rsquo;s melancholy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      At this time, Adrian VI., the Dutchman, still wore the tiara, who, a good
+      fellow, for the rest did not forget, in spite of the scholastic ties which
+      united him to the emperor, that the eldest son of the Catholic Church was
+      concerned in the affair, and was good enough to send to Spain an express
+      legate, furnished with full powers, to attempt the salvation of the
+      queen&rsquo;s soul, and the king&rsquo;s body, without prejudice to God. This most
+      urgent affair made the gentleman very uneasy, and caused an itching in the
+      feet of the ladies, who, from great devotion to the crown, would all have
+      offered to go to Madrid, but for the dark mistrust of Charles the Fifth,
+      who would not grant the king&rsquo;s permission to any of his subjects, nor even
+      the members of his family. It was therefore necessary to negotiate the
+      departure of the Queen of Navarre. Then, nothing else was spoken about but
+      this deplorable abstinence, and the lack of amorous exercise so vexatious
+      to a prince, who was much accustomed to it. In short, from one thing to
+      another, the women finished by thinking more of the king&rsquo;s condition, than
+      of the king himself. The queen was the first to say that she wished she
+      had wings. To this Monseigneur Odet de Chatillon replied, that she had no
+      need of them to be an angel. One that was Madame l&rsquo;Amirale, blamed God
+      that it was not possible to send by a messenger that which the poor king
+      so much required; and every one of the ladies would have lent it in her
+      turn.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;God has done very well to fix it,&rdquo; said the Dauphine, quietly; &ldquo;for our
+      husbands would leave us rather badly off during their absence.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      So much was said and so much thought upon the subject, that at her
+      departure the Queen of all Marguerites was charged, by these good
+      Christians, to kiss the captive heartily for all the ladies of the realm;
+      and if it had been permissible to prepare pleasure like mustard, the queen
+      would have been laden with enough to sell to the two Castiles.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      While Madame Marguerite was, in spite of the snow, crossing the mountains,
+      by relays of mule, hurrying on to these consolations as to a fire, the
+      king found himself harder pressed by unsatisfied desire than he had ever
+      been before, or would be again. In this reverberation of nature, he opened
+      his heart to the Emperor Charles, in order that he might be provided with
+      a merciful specific, urging upon him that it would be an everlasting
+      disgrace to one king to let another die for lack of gallantry. The
+      Castilian showed himself to be a generous man. Thinking that he would be
+      able to recuperate himself for the favour granted out of his guest&rsquo;s
+      ransom, he hinted quietly to the people commissioned to guard the
+      prisoner, that they might gratify him in this respect. Thereupon a certain
+      Don Hiios de Lara y Lopez Barra di Pinto, a poor captain, whose pockets
+      were empty in spite of his genealogy, and who had been for some time
+      thinking of seeking his fortune at the Court of France, fancied that by
+      procuring his majesty a soft cataplasm of warm flesh, he would open for
+      himself an honestly fertile door; and indeed, those who know the character
+      of the good king and his court, can decide if he deceived himself.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When the above mentioned captain came in his turn into the chamber of the
+      French king, he asked him respectfully if it was his good pleasure to
+      permit him an interrogation on a subject concerning which he was as
+      curious as about papal indulgences? To which the Prince, casting aside his
+      hypochondriacal demeanour, and twisting round on the chair in which he was
+      seated, gave a sign of consent. The captain begged him not to be offended
+      at the licence of his language, and confessed to him, that he the king was
+      said to be one of the most amorous men in France, and he would be glad to
+      learn from him if the ladies of the court were expert in the adventures of
+      love. The poor king, calling to mind his many adventures, gave vent to a
+      deep-drawn sigh, and exclaimed, that no woman of any country, including
+      those of the moon, knew better than the ladies of France the secrets of
+      this alchemy and at the remembrance of the savoury, gracious, and vigorous
+      fondling of one alone, he felt himself the man, were she then within his
+      reach, to clasp her to his heart, even on a rotten plank a hundred feet
+      above a precipice.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Say which, this good king, a ribald fellow, if ever there was one, shot
+      forth so fiercely life and light from his eyes, that the captain, though a
+      brave man, felt a quaking in his inside so fiercely flamed the sacred
+      majesty of royal love. But recovering his courage he began to defend the
+      Spanish ladies, declaring that in Castile alone was love properly
+      understood, because it was the most religious place in Christendom, and
+      the more fear the women had of damning themselves by yielding to a lover,
+      the more their souls were in the affair, because they knew they must take
+      their pleasure then against eternity. He further added, that if the Lord
+      King would wager one of the best and most profitable manors in the kingdom
+      of France, he would give him a Spanish night of love, in which a casual
+      queen should, unless he took care, draw his soul from his body.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Done,&rdquo; said the king, jumping from his chair. &ldquo;I&rsquo;ll give thee, by God,
+      the manor of Ville-aux-Dames in my province of Touraine, with full
+      privilege of chase, of high and low jurisdiction.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then, the captain, who was acquainted with the Donna of the Cardinal
+      Archbishop of Toledo requested her to smother the King of France with
+      kindness, and demonstrate to him the great advantage of the Castilian
+      imagination over the simple movement of the French. To which the Marchesa
+      of Amaesguy consented for the honour of Spain, and also for the pleasure
+      of knowing of what paste God made Kings, a matter in which she was
+      ignorant, having experience only of the princes of the Church. Then she
+      became passionate as a lion that has broken out of his cage, and made the
+      bones of the king crack in a manner that would have killed any other man.
+      But the above-named lord was so well furnished, so greedy, and so will
+      bitten, he no longer felt a bite; and from this terrible duel the Marchesa
+      emerged abashed, believing she had the devil to confess.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The captain, confident in his agent, came to salute his lord, thinking to
+      do honour for his fief. Thereupon the king said to him, in a jocular
+      manner, that the Spanish ladies were of a passable temperature, and their
+      system a fair one, but that when gentleness was required they substituted
+      frenzy; that he kept fancying each thrill was a sneeze, or a case of
+      violence; in short, that the embrace of a French woman brought back the
+      drinker more thirsty than ever, tiring him never; and that with the ladies
+      of his court, love was a gentle pleasure without parallel, and not the
+      labour of a master baker in his kneading trough.
+    </p>
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/235s.jpg" alt="235s " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h4>
+      <a href="images/235.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a
+      href="images/235m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a>
+    </h4>
+    <p>
+      The poor captain was strongly piqued at his language. In spite of the nice
+      sense of honour which the king pretended to possess, he fancied that his
+      majesty wished to bilk him like a student, stealing a slice of love at a
+      brothel in Paris. Nevertheless, not knowing for the matter of that, if the
+      Marchesa had not over-spanished the king, he demanded his revenge from the
+      captive, pledging him his word, that he should have for certain a
+      veritable fay, and that he would yet gain the fief. The king was too
+      courteous and gallant a knight to refuse this request, and even made a
+      pretty and right royal speech, intimating his desire to lose the wager.
+      Then, after vespers, the guard passed fresh and warm into the king&rsquo;s
+      chamber, a lady most dazzlingly white—most delicately wanton, with
+      long tresses and velvet hands, filling out her dress at the least
+      movement, for she was gracefully plump, with a laughing mouth, and eyes
+      moist in advance, a woman to beautify hell, and whose first word had such
+      cordial power that the king&rsquo;s garment was cracked by it. On the morrow,
+      after the fair one had slipped out after the king&rsquo;s breakfast, the good
+      captain came radiant and triumphant into the chamber.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      At sight of him the prisoner then exclaimed—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Baron de la Ville-aux-Dames! God grant you joys like to mine! I like my
+      jail! By&rsquo;r lady, I will not judge between the love of our lands, but pay
+      the wager.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I was sure of it,&rdquo; said the captain.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;How so?&rdquo; said the King.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Sire, it was my wife.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      This was the origin of Larray de la Ville-aux-Dames in our country, since
+      from corruption of the names, that of Lara-y-Lopez, finished by becoming
+      Larray. It was a good family, delighting in serving the kings of France,
+      and it multiplied exceedingly. Soon after, the Queen of Navarre came in
+      due course to the king, who, weary of Spanish customs, wished to disport
+      himself after the fashion of France; but remainder is not the subject of
+      this narrative. I reserve to myself the right to relate elsewhere how the
+      legate managed to sponge the sin of the thing off the great slate, and the
+      delicate remark of our Queen of Marguerites, who merits a saint&rsquo;s niche in
+      this collection; she who first concocted such good stories. The morality
+      of this one is easy to understand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In the first place, kings should never let themselves be taken in battle
+      any more than their archetype in the game of the Grecian chief Palamedes.
+      But from this, it appears the captivity of its king is a most calamitous
+      and horrible evil to fall on the populace. If it had been a queen, or even
+      a princess, what worse fate? But I believe the thing could not happen
+      again, except with cannibals. Can there ever be a reason for imprisoning
+      the flower of a realm? I think too well of Ashtaroth, Lucifer, and others,
+      to imagine that did they reign, they would hide the joy of all the
+      beneficent light, at which poor sufferers warm themselves. And it was
+      necessary that the worst of devils, <i>id est</i>, a wicked old heretic
+      woman, should find herself upon a throne, to keep a prisoner sweet Mary of
+      Scotland, to the shame of all the knights of Christendom, who should have
+      come without previous assignation to the foot of Fotheringay, and have
+      left thereof no single stone.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0023" id="link2H_4_0023">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE MERRY TATTLE OF THE NUNS OF POISSY
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      The Abbey of Poissy has been rendered famous by old authors as a place of
+      pleasure, where the misconduct of the nuns first began, and whence
+      proceeded so many good stories calculated to make laymen laugh at the
+      expense of our holy religion. The said abbey by this means became fertile
+      in proverbs, which none of the clever folks of our day understand,
+      although they sift and chew them in order to digest them.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      If you ask one of them what the <i>olives of Poissy</i> are, they will
+      answer you gravely that it is a periphrase relating to truffles, and that
+      the <i>way to serve them</i>, of which one formerly spoke, when joking
+      with these virtuous maidens, meant a peculiar kind of sauce. That&rsquo;s the
+      way the scribblers hit on truth once in a hundred times. To return to
+      these good recluses, it was said—by way of a joke, of course—that
+      they preferred finding a harlot in their chemises to a good woman. Certain
+      other jokers reproached them with imitating the lives of the saints, in
+      their own fashion, and said that all they admired in Mary of Egypt was her
+      fashion of paying the boatmen. From whence the raillery: To honour the
+      saints after the fashion of Poissy. There is still the crucifix of Poissy,
+      which kept the stomachs warm; and the matins of Poissy, which concluded
+      with a little chorister. Finally, of a hearty jade well acquainted with
+      the ways of love, it was said—She is a nun of Poissy. That property
+      of a man which he can only lend, was The key of the Abbey of Poissy. What
+      the gate of the said abbey was can easily be guessed. This gate, door,
+      wicket, opening, or road was always half open, was easier to open than to
+      shut, and cost much in repairs. In short, at that period, there was no
+      fresh device in love invented, that had not its origin in the good convent
+      of Poissy. You may be sure there is a good deal of untruth and
+      hyperbolical emphasis, in these proverbs, jests, jokes, and idle tales.
+      The nuns of the said Poissy were good young ladies, who now this way, now
+      that, cheated God to the profit of the devil, as many others did, which
+      was but natural, because our nature is weak; and although they were nuns,
+      they had their little imperfections. They found themselves barren in a
+      certain particular, hence the evil. But the truth of the matter is, all
+      these wickednesses were the deeds of an abbess who had fourteen children,
+      all born alive, since they had been perfected at leisure. The fantastic
+      amours and the wild conduct of this woman, who was of royal blood, caused
+      the convent of Poissy to become fashionable; and thereafter no pleasant
+      adventure happened in the abbeys of France which was not credited to these
+      poor girls, who would have been well satisfied with a tenth of them. Then
+      the abbey was reformed, and these holy sisters were deprived of the little
+      happiness and liberty which they had enjoyed. In an old cartulary of the
+      abbey of Turpenay, near Chinon, which in those later troublous times had
+      found a resting place in the library of Azay, where the custodian was only
+      too glad to receive it, I met with a fragment under the head of The Hours
+      of Poissy, which had evidently been put together by a merry abbot of
+      Turpenay for the diversion of his neighbours of Usee, Azay, Mongaugar,
+      Sacchez, and other places of this province. I give them under the
+      authority of the clerical garb, but altered to my own style, because I
+      have been compelled to turn them from Latin into French. I commence:
+      —At Poissy the nuns were accustomed to, when Mademoiselle, the
+      king&rsquo;s daughter, their abbess, had gone to bed..... It was she who first
+      called it <i>faire la petite oie</i>, to stick to the preliminaries of
+      love, the prologues, prefaces, protocols, warnings, notices,
+      introductions, summaries, prospectuses, arguments, notices, epigraphs,
+      titles, false-titles, current titles, scholia, marginal remarks,
+      frontispieces, observations, gilt edges, bookmarks, reglets, vignettes,
+      tail pieces, and engravings, without once opening the merry book to read,
+      re-read, and study to apprehend and comprehend the contents. And she
+      gathered together in a body all those extra-judicial little pleasures of
+      that sweet language, which come indeed from the lips, yet make no noise,
+      and practised them so well, that she died a virgin and perfect in shape.
+      The gay science was after deeply studied by the ladies of the court, who
+      took lovers for <i>la petite oie</i>, others for honour, and at times also
+      certain ones who had over them the right of high and low jurisdiction, and
+      were masters of everything —a state of things much preferred. But to
+      continue: When this virtuous princess was naked and shameless between the
+      sheets, the said girls (those whose cheeks were unwrinkled and their
+      hearts gay) would steal noiselessly out of their cells, and hide
+      themselves in that of one of the sisters who was much liked by all of
+      them. There they would have cosy little chats, enlivened with sweetmeats,
+      pasties, liqueurs, and girlish quarrels, worry their elders, imitating
+      them grotesquely, innocently mocking them, telling stories that made them
+      laugh till the tears came and playing a thousand pranks. At times they
+      would measure their feet, to see whose were the smallest, compare the
+      white plumpness of their arms, see whose nose had the infirmity of
+      blushing after supper, count their freckles, tell each other where their
+      skin marks were situated, dispute whose complexion was the clearest, whose
+      hair the prettiest colour, and whose figure the best. You can imagine that
+      among these figures sanctified to God there were fine ones, stout ones,
+      lank ones, thin ones, plump ones, supple ones, shrunken ones, and figures
+      of all kinds. Then they would quarrel amongst themselves as to who took
+      the least to make a girdle, and she who spanned the least was pleased
+      without knowing why. At times they would relate their dreams and what they
+      had seen in them. Often one or two, at times all of them, had dreamed they
+      had tight hold of the keys of the abbey. Then they would consult each
+      other about their little ailments. One had scratched her finger, another
+      had a whitlow; this one had risen in the morning with the white of her eye
+      bloodshot; that one had put her finger out, telling her beads. All had
+      some little thing the matter with them.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! you have lied to our mother; your nails are marked with white,&rdquo; said
+      one to her neighbour.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You stopped a long time at confession this morning, sister,&rdquo; said
+      another. &ldquo;You must have a good many little sins to confess.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      As there is nothing resembles a pussy-cat so much as a tom-cat, they would
+      swear eternal friendship, quarrel, sulk, dispute and make it up again;
+      would be jealous, laugh and pinch, pinch and laugh, and play tricks upon
+      the novices.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      At times they would say, &ldquo;Suppose a gendarme came here one rainy day,
+      where should we put him?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;With Sister Ovide; her cell is so big he could get into it with his
+      helmet on.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What do you mean?&rdquo; cried Sister Ovide, &ldquo;are not all our cells alike?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thereupon the girls burst out laughing like ripe figs. One evening they
+      increased their council by a little novice, about seventeen years of age,
+      who appeared innocent as a new-born babe, and would have had the host
+      without confession. This maiden&rsquo;s mouth had long watered for their secret
+      confabulations, little feasts and rejoicings by which the nuns softened
+      the holy captivity of their bodies, and had wept at not being admitted to
+      them.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well,&rdquo; said Sister Ovide to her, &ldquo;have you had a good night&rsquo;s rest,
+      little one?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh no!&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;I have been bitten by fleas.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ha! you have fleas in your cell? But you must get rid of them at once. Do
+      you know how the rules of our order enjoin them to be driven out, so that
+      never again during her conventional life shall a sister see so much as the
+      tail of one?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No,&rdquo; replied the novice.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well then, I will teach you. Do you see any fleas here? Do you notice any
+      trace of fleas? Do you smell an odour of fleas? Is there any appearance of
+      fleas in my cell? Look!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I can&rsquo;t find any,&rdquo; said the little novice, who was Mademoiselle de
+      Fiennes, &ldquo;and smell no odour other than our own.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Do as I am about to tell you, and be no more bitten. Directly you feel
+      yourself pricked, you must strip yourself, lift your chemise, and be
+      careful not to sin while looking all over your body; think only of the
+      cursed flea, looking for it, in good faith, without paying attention to
+      other things; trying only to catch the flea, which is a difficult job, as
+      you may easily be deceived by the little black spots on your skin, which
+      you were born with. Have you any, little one?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; cried she. &ldquo;I have two dark freckles, one on my shoulder and one on
+      my back, rather low down, but it is hidden in a fold of the flesh.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;How did you see it?&rdquo; asked Sister Perpetue.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I did not know it. It was Monsieur de Montresor who found it out.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ha, ha!&rdquo; said the sister, &ldquo;is that all he saw?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;He saw everything,&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;I was quite little; he was about nine
+      years old, and we were playing together....&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The nuns hardly being able to restrain their laughter, Sister Ovide went
+      on—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The above-mentioned flea will jump from your legs to your eyes, will try
+      and hide himself in apertures and crevices, will leap from valley to
+      mountain, endeavouring to escape you; but the rules of the house order you
+      courageously to pursue, repeating aves. Ordinarily at the third ave the
+      beast is taken.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The flea?&rdquo; asked the novice.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Certainly the flea,&rdquo; replied Sister Ovide; &ldquo;but in order to avoid the
+      dangers of this chase, you must be careful in whatever spot you put your
+      finger on the beast, to touch nothing else.... Then without regarding its
+      cries, plaints, groans, efforts, and writhings, and the rebellion which
+      frequently it attempts, you will press it under your thumb or other finger
+      of the hand engaged in holding it, and with the other hand you will search
+      for a veil to bind the flea&rsquo;s eyes and prevent it from leaping, as the
+      beast seeing no longer clearly will not know where to go. Nevertheless, as
+      it will still be able to bite you, and will be getting terribly enraged,
+      you must gently open its mouth and delicately insert therein a twig of the
+      blessed brush that hangs over your pillow. Thus the beast will be
+      compelled to behave properly. But remember that the discipline of our
+      order allows you to retain no property, and the beast cannot belong to
+      you. You must take into consideration that it is one of God&rsquo;s creatures,
+      and strive to render it more agreeable. Therefore, before all things, it
+      is necessary to verify three serious things—viz.: If the flea be a
+      male, if it be female, or if it be a virgin; supposing it to be a virgin,
+      which is extremely rare, since these beasts have no morals, are all wild
+      hussies, and yield to the first seducer who comes, you will seize her
+      hinder feet, and drawing them under her little caparison, you must bind
+      them with one of your hairs, and carry it to your superior, who will
+      decide upon its fate after having consulted the chapter. If it be a male—&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;How can one tell that a flea is a virgin? asked the curious novice.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;First of all,&rdquo; replied Sister Ovide, &ldquo;she is sad and melancholy, does not
+      laugh like the others, does not bite so sharp, has her mouth less wide
+      open, blushes when touched—you know where.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;In that case,&rdquo; replied the novice, &ldquo;I have been bitten by a male.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      At this the sisters burst out laughing so heartily that one of them
+      sounded a bass note and voided a little water and Sister Ovide pointing to
+      it on the floor, said—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You see there&rsquo;s never wind without rain.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The novice laughed herself, thinking that these chuckles were caused by
+      the sister&rsquo;s exclamation.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Now,&rdquo; went on Sister Ovide, &ldquo;if it be a male flea, you take your
+      scissors, or your lover&rsquo;s dagger, if by chance he has given you one as a
+      souvenir, previous to your entry into the convent. In short, furnished
+      with a cutting instrument, you carefully slit open the flanks of the flea.
+      Expect to hear him howl, cough, spit, beg your pardon; to see him twist
+      about, sweat, make sheep&rsquo;s eyes, and anything that may come into his head
+      to put off this operation. But be not astonished; pluck up your courage
+      when thinking that you are acting thus to bring a perverted creature into
+      the ways of salvation. Then you will dextrously take the reins, the liver,
+      the heart, the gizzard, and noble parts, and dip them all several times
+      into the holy water, washing and purifying them there, at the same time
+      imploring the Holy Ghost to sanctify the interior of the beast. Afterwards
+      you will replace all these intestinal things in the body of the flea, who
+      will be anxious to get them back again. Being by this means baptised, the
+      soul of the creature has become Catholic. Immediately you will get a
+      needle and thread and sew up the belly of the flea with great care, with
+      such regard and attention as is due to a fellow Christian; you will even
+      pray for it—a kindness to which you will see it is sensible by its
+      genuflections and the attentive glances which it will bestow upon you. In
+      short, it will cry no more, and have no further desire to kill you; and
+      fleas are often encountered who die from pleasure at being thus converted
+      to our holy religion. You will do the same to all you catch; and the
+      others perceiving it, after staring at the convert, will go away, so
+      perverse are they, and so terrified at the idea of becoming Christians.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And they are therefore wicked,&rdquo; said the novice. &ldquo;Is there any greater
+      happiness than to be in the bosom of the Church?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Certainly!&rdquo; answered sister Ursula, &ldquo;here we are sheltered from the
+      dangers of the world and of love, in which there are so many.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Is there any other danger than that of having a child at an unseasonable
+      time?&rdquo; asked a young sister.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;During the present reign,&rdquo; replied Ursula, raising her head, &ldquo;love has
+      inherited leprosy, St Anthony&rsquo;s fire, the Ardennes&rsquo; sickness, and the red
+      rash, and has heaped up all the fevers, agonies, drugs and sufferings of
+      the lot in his pretty mortar, to draw out therefrom a terrible compound,
+      of which the devil has given the receipt, luckily for convents, because
+      there are a great number of frightened ladies, who become virtuous for
+      fear of this love.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thereupon they huddled up close together, alarmed at these words, but
+      wishing to know more.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And is it enough to love, to suffer?&rdquo; asked a sister.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh, yes!&rdquo; cried Sister Ovide.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You love just for one little once a pretty gentleman,&rdquo; replied Ursula,
+      &ldquo;and you have the chance of seeing your teeth go one by one, your hair
+      fall off, your cheeks grow pallid, and your eyebrows drop, and the
+      disappearance of your prized charms will cost you many a sigh. There are
+      poor women who have scabs come upon their noses, and others who have a
+      horrid animal with a hundred claws, which gnaws their tenderest parts. The
+      Pope has at last been compelled to excommunicate this kind of love.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! how lucky I am to have had nothing of that sort,&rdquo; cried the novice.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Hearing this souvenir of love, the sisters suspected that the little one
+      had gone astray through the heat of a crucifix of Poissy, and had been
+      joking with the Sister Ovide, and drawing her out. All congratulated
+      themselves on having so merry a jade in their company, and asked her to
+      what adventure they were indebted for that pleasure.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah!&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;I let myself be bitten by a big flea, who had already
+      been baptised.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      At this speech, the sister of the bass note could not restrain a second
+      sign.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah!&rdquo; said Sister Ovide, &ldquo;you are bound to give us the third. If you spoke
+      that language in the choir, the abbess would diet you like Sister
+      Petronille; so put a sordine in your trumpet.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Is it true that you knew in her lifetime that Sister Petronille on whom
+      God bestowed the gift of only going twice a year to the bank of deposit?&rdquo;
+       asked Sister Ursula.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; replied Ovide. &ldquo;And one evening it happened she had to remain
+      enthroned until matins, saying, &lsquo;I am here by the will of God.&rsquo; But at the
+      first verse, she was delivered, in order that she should not miss the
+      office. Nevertheless, the late abbess would not allow that this was an
+      especial favour, granted from on high, and said that God did not look so
+      low. Here are the facts of the case. Our defunct sister, whose
+      canonisation the order are now endeavouring to obtain at the court of the
+      Pope, and would have had it if they could have paid the proper costs of
+      the papal brief; this Petronille, then, had an ambition to have her name
+      included in the Calendar of Saints, which was in no way prejudicial to our
+      order. She lived in prayer alone, would remain in ecstasy before the altar
+      of the virgin, which is on the side of the fields, and pretend so
+      distinctly to hear the angels flying in Paradise, that she was able to hum
+      the tunes they were singing. You all know that she took from them the
+      chant Adoremus, of which no man could have invented a note. She remained
+      for days with her eyes fixed like the star, fasting, and putting no more
+      nourishment into her body that I could into my eye. She had made a vow
+      never to taste meat, either cooked or raw, and ate only a crust of bread a
+      day; but on great feast days she would add thereto a morsel of salt fish,
+      without any sauce. On this diet she became dreadfully thin, yellow and
+      saffron, and dry as an old bone in a cemetery; for she was of an ardent
+      disposition, and anyone who had had the happiness of knocking up against
+      her, would have drawn fire as from a flint. However, little as she ate,
+      she could not escape an infirmity to which, luckily or unluckily, we are
+      all more or less subject. If it were otherwise, we should be very much
+      embarrassed. The affair in question, is the obligation of expelling after
+      eating, like all the other animals, matter more or less agreeable,
+      according to constitution. Now Sister Petronille differed from all others,
+      because she expelled matter such as is left by a deer, and these are the
+      hardest substances that any gizzard produces, as you must know, if you
+      have ever put your foot upon them in the forest glade, and from their
+      hardness they are called bullets in the language of forestry. This
+      peculiarity of Sister Petronille&rsquo;s was not unnatural, since long fasts
+      kept her temperament at a permanent heat. According to the old sisters,
+      her nature was so burning, that when water touched her, she went frist!
+      like a hot coal. There are sisters who have accused her of secretly
+      cooking eggs, in the night, between her toes, in order to support her
+      austerities. But these were scandals, invented to tarnish this great
+      sanctity of which all the other nunneries were jealous. Our sister was
+      piloted in the way of salvation and divine perfection by the Abbot of St.
+      Germaine-des-Pres de Paris—a holy man, who always finished his
+      Injunctions with a last one, which was to offer to God all our troubles,
+      and submit ourselves to His will, since nothing happened without His
+      express commandment. This doctrine, which appears wise at first sight, has
+      furnished matter for great controversies, and has been finally condemned
+      on the statement of the Cardinal of Chatillon, who declared that then
+      there would be no such thing as sin, which would considerably diminish the
+      revenues of the Church. But Sister Petronille lived imbued with this
+      feeling, without knowing the danger of it. After Lent, and the fasts of
+      the great jubilee, for the first time for eight months she had need to go
+      to the little room, and to it she went. There, bravely lifting her dress,
+      she put herself into a position to do that which we poor sinners do rather
+      oftener. But Sister Petronille could only manage to expectorate the
+      commencement of the thing, which kept her puffing without the remainder
+      making up its mind to follow. In spite of every effort, pursing of the
+      lips and squeezing of body, her guest preferred to remain in her blessed
+      body, merely putting his head out of the window, like a frog taking the
+      air, and felt no inclination to fall into the vale of misery among the
+      others, alleging that he would not be there in the odour of sanctity. And
+      his idea was a good one for a simple lump of dirt like himself. The good
+      saint having used all methods of coercion, having overstretched her
+      muscles, and tried the nerves of her thin face till they bulged out,
+      recognised the fact that no suffering in the world was so great, and her
+      anguish attaining the apogee of sphincterial terrors, she exclaimed, &lsquo;Oh!
+      my God, to Thee I offer it!&rsquo; At this orison, the stoney matter broke off
+      short, and fell like a flint against the wall of the privy, making a croc,
+      croc, crooc, paf! You can easily understand, my sisters, that she had no
+      need of a torch-cul, and drew back the remainder.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Then did she see angels?&rdquo; asked one.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Have they a behind?&rdquo; asked another.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Certainly not,&rdquo; said Ursula. &ldquo;Do you not know that one general meeting
+      day, God having ordered them to be seated, they answered Him that they had
+      not the wherewithal.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thereupon they went off to bed, some alone, others nearly alone. They were
+      good girls, who harmed only themselves.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      I cannot leave them without relating an adventure which took place in
+      their house, when Reform was passing a sponge over it, and making them all
+      saints, as before stated. At that time, there was in the episcopal chair
+      of Paris a veritable saint, who did not brag about what he did, and cared
+      for naught but the poor and suffering, whom the dear old Bishop lodged in
+      his heart, neglecting his own interests for theirs, and seeking out misery
+      in order that he might heal it with words, with help, with attentions, and
+      with money, according to the case: as ready to solace the rich in their
+      misfortunes as the poor, patching up their souls and bringing them back to
+      God; and tearing about hither and thither, watching his troop, the dear
+      shepherd! Now the good man went about careless of the state of his
+      cassocks, mantles, and breeches, so that the naked members of the church
+      were covered. He was so charitable that he would have pawned himself to
+      save an infidel from distress. His servants were obliged to look after him
+      carefully. Ofttimes he would scold them when they changed unasked his
+      tattered vestments for new; and he used to have them darned and patched,
+      as long as they would hold together. Now this good archbishop knew that
+      the late Sieur de Poissy had left a daughter, without a sou or a rag,
+      after having eaten, drunk, and gambled away her inheritance. This poor
+      young lady lived in a hovel, without fire in winter or cherries in spring;
+      and did needlework, not wishing either to marry beneath her or sell her
+      virtue. Awaiting the time when he should be able to find a young husband
+      for her, the prelate took it into his head to send her the outside case of
+      one to mend, in the person of his old breeches, a task which the young
+      lady, in her present position, would be glad to undertake. One day that
+      the archbishop was thinking to himself that he must go to the convent of
+      Poissy, to see after the reformed inmates, he gave to one of his servants,
+      the oldest of his nether garments, which was sorely in need of stitches,
+      saying, &ldquo;Take this, Saintot, to the young ladies of Poissy,&rdquo; meaning to
+      say, &ldquo;the young lady of Poissy.&rdquo; Thinking of affairs connected with the
+      cloister, he did not inform his varlet of the situation of the lady&rsquo;s
+      house; her desperate condition having been by him discreetly kept a
+      secret. Saintot took the breeches and went his way towards Poissy, gay as
+      a grasshopper, stopping to chat with friends he met on the way, slaking
+      his thirst at the wayside inns, and showing many things to the breeches
+      during the journey that might hereafter be useful to them. At last he
+      arrived at the convent, and informed the abbess that his master had sent
+      him to give her these articles. When the varlet departed, leaving with the
+      reverend mother, the garment accustomed to model in relief the
+      archiepiscopal proportions of the continent nature of the good man,
+      according to the fashion of the period, beside the image of those things
+      of which the Eternal Father had deprived His angels, and which in the good
+      prelate did not want for amplitude. Madame the abbess having informed the
+      sisters of the precious message of the good archbishop they came in haste,
+      curious and hustling, as ants into whose republic a chestnut husk has
+      fallen. When they undid the breeches, which gaped horribly, they shrieked
+      out, covering their eyes with one hand, in great fear of seeing the devil
+      come out, the abbess exclaiming, &ldquo;Hide yourselves my daughters! This is
+      the abode of mortal sin!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The mother of the novices, giving a little look between her fingers,
+      revived the courage of the holy troop, swearing by an Ave that no living
+      head was domiciled in the breeches. Then they all blushed at their ease,
+      while examining this habitavit, thinking that perhaps the desire of the
+      prelate was that they should discover therein some sage admonition or
+      evangelical parable. Although this sight caused certain ravages in the
+      hearts of those most virtuous maidens, they paid little attention to the
+      flutterings of their reins, but sprinkling a little holy water in the
+      bottom of the abyss, one touched it, another passed her finger through a
+      hole, and grew bolder looking at it. It has even been pretended that,
+      their first stir over, the abbess found a voice sufficiently firm to say,
+      &ldquo;What is there at the bottom of this? With what idea has our father sent
+      us that which consummates the ruin of women?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;It&rsquo;s fifteen years, dear mother, since I have been permitted to gaze upon
+      the demon&rsquo;s den.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Silence, my daughter. You prevent me thinking what is best to be done.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then so much were these archiepiscopal breeches turned and twisted about,
+      admired and re-admired, pulled here, pulled there, and turned inside out—so
+      much were they talked about, fought about, thought about, dreamed about,
+      night and day, that on the morrow a little sister said, after having sung
+      the matins, to which the convent had a verse and two responses—&ldquo;Sisters,
+      I have found out the parable of the archbishop. He has sent us as a
+      mortification his garment to mend, as a holy warning to avoid idleness,
+      the mother abbess of all the vices.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thereupon there was a scramble to get hold of the breeches; but the
+      abbess, using her high authority, reserved to herself the meditation over
+      this patchwork. She was occupied during ten days, praying, and sewing the
+      said breeches, lining them with silk, and making double hems, well sewn,
+      and in all humility. Then the chapter being assembled, it was arranged
+      that the convent should testify by a pretty souvenir to the said
+      archbishop their delight that he thought of his daughters in God. Then all
+      of them, to the very youngest, had to do some work on these blessed
+      breeches, in order to do honour to the virtue of the good man.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Meanwhile the prelate had had so much to attend to, that he had forgotten
+      all about his garment. This is how it came about. He made the acquaintance
+      of a noble of the court, who, having lost his wife—a she-fiend and
+      sterile—said to the good priest, that he had a great ambition to
+      meet with a virtuous woman, confiding in God, with whom he was not likely
+      to quarrel, and was likely to have pretty children. Such a one he desired
+      to hold by the hand, and have confidence in. Then the holy man drew such a
+      picture of Mademoiselle de Poissy, that this fair one soon became Madame
+      de Genoilhac. The wedding was celebrated at the archiepiscopal palace,
+      where was a feast of the first quality and a table bordered with ladies of
+      the highest lineage, and the fashionable world of the court, among whom
+      the bride appeared the most beautiful, since it has certain that she was a
+      virgin, the archbishop guaranteeing her virtue.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When the fruit, conserves, and pastry were with many ornaments arranged on
+      the cloth, Saintot said to the archbishop, &ldquo;Monseigneur, your well-beloved
+      daughters of Poissy send you a fine dish for the centre.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Put it there,&rdquo; said the good man, gazing with admiration at an edifice of
+      velvet and satin, embroidered with fine ribbon, in the shape of an ancient
+      vase, the lid of which exhaled a thousand superfine odours.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Immediately the bride, uncovering it, found therein sweetmeats, cakes, and
+      those delicious confections to which the ladies are so partial. But of one
+      of them—some curious devotee—seeing a little piece of silk,
+      pulled it towards her, and exposed to view the habitation of the human
+      compass, to the great confusion of the prelate, for laughter rang round
+      the table like a discharge of artillery.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well have they made the centre dish,&rdquo; said the bridegroom. &ldquo;These young
+      ladies are of good understanding. Therein are all the sweets of
+      matrimony.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Can there be any better moral than that deduced by Monsieur de Genoilhac?
+      Then no other is needed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0024" id="link2H_4_0024">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      HOW THE CHATEAU D&rsquo;AZAY CAME TO BE BUILT
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      Jehan, son of Simon Fourniez, called Simonnin, a citizen of Tours —originally
+      of the village of Moulinot, near to Beaune, whence, in imitation of
+      certain persons, he took the name when he became steward to Louis the
+      Eleventh—had to fly one day into Languedoc with his wife, having
+      fallen into great disgrace, and left his son Jacques penniless in
+      Touraine. This youth, who possessed nothing in the world except his good
+      looks, his sword, and spurs, but whom worn-out old men would have
+      considered very well off, had in his head a firm intention to save his
+      father, and make his fortune at the court, then holden in Touraine. At
+      early dawn this good Tourainian left his lodging, and, enveloped in his
+      mantle, all except his nose, which he left open to the air, and his
+      stomach empty, walked about the town without any trouble of digestion. He
+      entered the churches, thought them beautiful, looked into the chapels,
+      flicked the flies from the pictures, and counted the columns all after the
+      manner of a man who knew not what to do with his time or his money. At
+      other times he feigned to recite his paternosters, but really made mute
+      prayers to the ladies, offered them holy water when leaving, followed them
+      afar off, and endeavoured by these little services to encounter some
+      adventure, in which at the peril of his life he would find for himself a
+      protector or a gracious mistress. He had in his girdle two doubloons which
+      he spared far more than his skin, because that would be replaced, but the
+      doubloons never. Each day he took from his little hoard the price of a
+      roll and a few apples, with which he sustained life, and drank at his will
+      and his discretion of the water of the Loire. This wholesome and prudent
+      diet, besides being good for his doubloons, kept him frisky and light as a
+      greyhound, gave him a clear understanding and a warm heart for the water
+      of the Loire is of all syrups the most strengthening, because having its
+      course afar off it is invigorated by its long run, through many strands,
+      before it reaches Tours. So you may be sure that the poor fellow imagined
+      a thousand and one good fortunes and lucky adventures, and what is more,
+      almost believed them true. Oh! The good times! One evening Jacques de
+      Beaune (he kept the name although he was not lord of Beaune) was walking
+      along the embankment, occupied in cursing his star and everything, for his
+      last doubloon was with scant respect upon the point of quitting him; when
+      at the corner of a little street, he nearly ran against a veiled lady,
+      whose sweet odour gratified his amorous senses. This fair pedestrian was
+      bravely mounted on pretty pattens, wore a beautiful dress of Italian
+      velvet, with wide slashed satin sleeves; while as a sign of her great
+      fortune, through her veil a white diamond of reasonable size shone upon
+      her forehead like the rays of the setting sun, among her tresses, which
+      were delicately rolled, built up, and so neat, that they must have taken
+      her maids quite three hours to arrange. She walked like a lady who was
+      only accustomed to a litter. One of her pages followed her, well armed.
+      She was evidently some light o&rsquo;love belonging to a noble of high rank or a
+      lady of the court, since she held her dress high off the ground, and bent
+      her back like a woman of quality. Lady or courtesan she pleased Jacques de
+      Beaune, who, far from turning up his nose at her, conceived the wild idea
+      of attaching himself to her for life. With this in view he determined to
+      follow her in order to ascertain whither she would lead him—to
+      Paradise or to the limbo of hell—to a gibbet or to an abode of love.
+      Anything was a glean of hope to him in the depth of his misery. The lady
+      strolled along the bank of the Loire towards Plessis inhaling like a fish
+      the fine freshness of the water, toying, sauntering like a little mouse
+      who wishes to see and taste everything. When the page perceived that
+      Jacques de Beaune persistently followed his mistress in all her movements,
+      stopped when she stopped, and watched her trifling in a bare-faced
+      fashion, as if he had a right so to do, he turned briskly round with a
+      savage and threatening face, like that of a dog whose says, &ldquo;Stand back,
+      sir!&rdquo; But the good Tourainian had his wits about him. Believing that if a
+      cat may look at king, he, a baptised Christian, might certainly look at a
+      pretty woman, he stepped forward, and feigning to grin at the page, he
+      strutted now behind and now before the lady. She said nothing, but looked
+      at the sky, which was putting on its nightcap, the stars, and everything
+      which could give her pleasure. So things went on. At last, arrived outside
+      Portillon, she stood still, and in order to see better, cast her veil back
+      over her shoulder, and in so doing cast upon the youth the glance of a
+      clever woman who looks round to see if there is any danger of being
+      robbed. I may tell you that Jacques de Beaune was a thorough ladies&rsquo; man,
+      could walk by the side of a princess without disgracing her, had a brave
+      and resolute air which please the sex, and if he was a little browned by
+      the sun from being so much in the open air, his skin would look white
+      enough under the canopy of a bed. The glance, keen as a needle, which the
+      lady threw him, appeared to him more animated than that with which she
+      would have honoured her prayer-book. Upon it he built the hope of a
+      windfall of love, and resolved to push the adventure to the very edge of
+      the petticoat, risking to go still further, not only his lips, which he
+      held of little count, but his two ears and something else besides. He
+      followed into the town the lady, who returned by the Rue des
+      Trois-Pucelles, and led the gallant through a labyrinth of little streets,
+      to the square in which is at the present time situated the Hotel de la
+      Crouzille. There she stopped at the door of a splendid mansion, at which
+      the page knocked. A servant opened it, and the lady went in and closed the
+      door, leaving the Sieur de Beaune open-mouthed, stupefied, and as foolish
+      as Monseigneur St. Denis when he was trying to pick up his head. He raised
+      his nose in the air to see if some token of favour would be thrown to him,
+      and saw nothing except a light which went up the stairs, through the
+      rooms, and rested before a fine window, where probably the lady was also.
+      You can believe that the poor lover remained melancholy and dreaming, and
+      not knowing what to do. The window gave a sudden creak and broke his
+      reverie. Fancying that his lady was about to call him, he looked up again,
+      and but for the friendly shelter of the balcony, which was a helmet to
+      him, he would have received a stream of water and the utensil which
+      contained it, since the handle only remained in the grasp of the person
+      who delivered the deluge. Jacques de Beaune, delighted at this, did not
+      lose the opportunity, but flung himself against the wall, crying &ldquo;I am
+      killed,&rdquo; with a feeble voice. Then stretching himself upon the fragments
+      of broken china, he lay as if dead, awaiting the issue. The servants
+      rushed out in a state of alarm, fearing their mistress, to whom they had
+      confessed their fault, and picked up the wounded man, who could hardly
+      restrain his laughter at being then carried up the stairs.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;He is cold,&rdquo; said the page.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;He is covered with blood,&rdquo; said the butler, who while feeling his pulse
+      had wetted his hand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;If he revives,&rdquo; said the guilty one, &ldquo;I will pay for a mass to St.
+      Gatien.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Madame takes after her late father, and if she does not have thee hanged,
+      the least mitigation of thy penalty will be that thou wilt be kicked out
+      of her house and service,&rdquo; said another. &ldquo;Certes, he&rsquo;s dead enough, he is
+      so heavy.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! I am in the house of a very great lady,&rdquo; thought Jacques.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Alas! is he really dead?&rdquo; demanded the author of the calamity. While with
+      great labour the Tourainian was being carried up the stairs, his doublet
+      caught on a projection, and the dead man cried, &ldquo;Ah, my doublet!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;He groans,&rdquo; said the culprit, with a sigh of relief. The Regent&rsquo;s
+      servants (for this was the house of the Regent, the daughter of King Louis
+      XI. of virtuous memory) brought Jacques de Beaune into a room, and laid
+      him stiff and stark upon a table, not thinking for a moment that he could
+      be saved.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Run and fetch a surgeon,&rdquo; cried Madame de Beaujeu. &ldquo;Run here, run there!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The servants were down the stairs in a trice. The good lady Regent
+      dispatched her attendants for ointment, for linen to bind the wounds, for
+      goulard-water, for so many things, that she remained alone. Gazing upon
+      this splendid and senseless man, she cried aloud, admiring his presence
+      and his features, handsome even in death. &ldquo;Ah! God wishes to punish me.
+      Just for one little time in my life has there been born in me, and taken
+      possession of me, a naughty idea, and my patron saint is angry, and
+      deprives me of the sweetest gentleman I have ever seen. By the rood, and
+      by the soul of my father, I will hang every man who has had a hand in
+      this!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Madame,&rdquo; cried Jacques de Beaune, springing from the table, and falling
+      at the feet of the Regent, &ldquo;I will live to serve you, and am so little
+      bruised that that I promise you this night as many joys as there are
+      months in the year, in imitation of the Sieur Hercules, a pagan baron. For
+      the last twenty days,&rdquo; he went on (thinking that matters would be smoothed
+      by a little lying), &ldquo;I have met you again and again. I fell madly in love
+      with you, yet dared not, by reason of my great respect for your person,
+      make an advance. You can imagine how intoxicated I must have been with
+      your royal beauties, to have invented the trick to which I owe the
+      happiness of being at your feet.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thereupon he kissed her amorously, and gave her a look that would have
+      overcome any scruples. The Regent, by means of time, which respects not
+      queens, was, as everyone knows, in her middle age. In this critical and
+      autumnal season, women formally virtuous and loveless desire now here, now
+      there, to enjoy, unknown to the world, certain hours of love, in order
+      that they may not arrive in the other world with hands and heart alike
+      empty, through having left the fruit of the tree of knowledge untasted.
+      The lady of Beaujeu, without appearing to be astonished while listening to
+      the promises of this young man, since royal personages ought to be
+      accustomed to having them by dozens, kept this ambitious speech in the
+      depths of her memory or of her registry of love, which caught fire at his
+      words. Then she raised the Tourainian, who still found in his misery the
+      courage to smile at his mistress, who had the majesty of a full-blown
+      rose, ears like shoes, and the complexion of a sick cat, but was so
+      well-dressed, so fine in figure, so royal of foot, and so queenly in
+      carriage, that he might still find in this affair means to gain his
+      original object.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Who are you?&rdquo; said the Regent, putting on the stern look of her father.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I am your very faithful subject, Jacques de Beaune, son of your steward,
+      who has fallen into disgrace in spite of his faithful services.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah, well!&rdquo; replied the lady, &ldquo;lay yourself on the table again. I hear
+      someone coming; and it is not fit that my people should think me your
+      accomplice in this farce and mummery.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The good fellow perceived, by the soft sound of her voice, that he was
+      pardoned the enormity of his love. He lay down upon the table again, and
+      remembered how certain lords had ridden to court in an old stirrup —a
+      thought which perfectly reconciled him to his present position.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Good,&rdquo; said the Regent to her maid-servants, &ldquo;nothing is needed. This
+      gentleman is better; thanks to heaven and the Holy Virgin, there will have
+      been no murder in my house.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thus saying, she passed her hand through the locks of the lover who had
+      fallen to her from the skies, and taking a little reviving water she
+      bathed his temples, undid his doublet, and under pretence of aiding his
+      recovery, verified better than an expert how soft and young was the skin
+      on this young fellow and bold promiser of bliss, and all the bystanders,
+      men and women, were amazed to see the Regent act thus. But humanity never
+      misbecomes those of royal blood. Jacques stood up, and appeared to come to
+      his senses, thanked the Regent most humbly, and dismissed the physicians,
+      master surgeons, and other imps in black, saying that he had thoroughly
+      recovered. Then he gave his name, and saluting Madame de Beaujeu, wished
+      to depart, as though afraid of her on account of his father&rsquo;s disgrace,
+      but no doubt horrified at his terrible vow.
+    </p>
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/255s.jpg" alt="255s " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h4>
+      <a href="images/255.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a
+      href="images/255m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a>
+    </h4>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I cannot permit it,&rdquo; said she. &ldquo;Persons who come to my house should not
+      meet with such treatment as you have encountered. The Sieur de Beaune will
+      sup here,&rdquo; she added to her major domo. &ldquo;He who has so unduly insulted him
+      will be at his mercy if he makes himself known immediately; otherwise, I
+      will have him found out and hanged by the provost.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Hearing this, the page who had attended the lady during her promenade
+      stepped forward.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Madame,&rdquo; said Jacques, &ldquo;at my request pray both pardon and reward him,
+      since to him I owe the felicity of seeing you, the favour of supping in
+      your company, and perhaps that of getting my father re-established in the
+      office to which it pleased your glorious father to appoint him.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well said,&rdquo; replied the Regent. &ldquo;D&rsquo;Estouteville,&rdquo; said she, turning
+      towards the page, &ldquo;I give thee command of a company of archers. But for
+      the future do not throw things out of the window.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then she, delighted with de Beaune, offered him her hand, and led him most
+      gallantly into her room, where they conversed freely together while supper
+      was being prepared. There the Sieur Jacques did not fail to exhibit his
+      talents, justify his father, and raise himself in the estimation of the
+      lady, who, as is well known, was like a father in disposition, and did
+      everything at random. Jacques de Beaune thought to himself that it would
+      be rather difficult for him to remain all night with the Regent. Such
+      matters are not so easily arranged as the amours of cats, who have always
+      a convenient refuge upon the housetops for their moments of dalliance. So
+      he rejoiced that he was known to the Regent without being compelled to
+      fulfil his rash promise, since for this to be carried out it was necessary
+      that the servants and others should be out of the way, and her reputation
+      safe. Nevertheless, suspecting the powers of intrigue of the good lady, at
+      times he would ask himself if he were equal to the task. But beneath the
+      surface of conversation, the same thing was in the mind of the Regent, who
+      had already managed affairs quite as difficult, and she began most
+      cleverly to arrange the means. She sent for one of her secretaries, an
+      adept in all arts necessary for the perfect government of a kingdom, and
+      ordered him to give her secretly a false message during the supper. Then
+      came the repast, which the lady did not touch, since her heart had swollen
+      like a sponge, and so diminished her stomach, for she kept thinking of
+      this handsome and desirable man, having no appetite save for him. Jacques
+      did not fail to make a good meal for many reasons. The messenger came,
+      madame began to storm, and to knit her brows after the manner of the late
+      king, and to say, &ldquo;Is there never to be peace in this land? Pasques Dieu!
+      can we not have one quiet evening?&rdquo; Then she rose and strode about the
+      room. &ldquo;Ho there! My horse! Where is Monsieur de Vieilleville, my squire?
+      Ah, he is in Picardy. D&rsquo;Estouteville, you will rejoin me with my household
+      at the Chateau d&rsquo;Amboise....&rdquo; And looking at Jacques, she said, &ldquo;You shall
+      be my squire, Sieur de Beaune. You wish to serve the state. The occasion
+      is a good one. Pasques Dieu! come! There are rebels to subdue, and
+      faithful knights are needed.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      In less time than an old beggar would have taken to say thank you, the
+      horses were bridled, saddled, and ready. Madame was on her mare, and the
+      Tourainian at her side, galloping at full speed to her castle at Amboise,
+      followed by the men-at-arms. To be brief and come to the facts without
+      further commentary, the De Beaune was lodged not twenty yards from Madame,
+      far from prying eyes. The courtiers and the household, much astonished,
+      ran about inquiring from what quarter the danger might be expected; but
+      our hero, taken at his word, knew well enough where to find it. The virtue
+      of the Regent, well known in the kingdom, saved her from suspicion, since
+      she was supposed to be as impregnable as the Chateau de Peronne. At
+      curfew, when everything was shut, both ears and eyes, and the castle
+      silent, Madame de Beaujeu sent away her handmaid, and called for her
+      squire. The squire came. Then the lady and the adventurer sat side by side
+      upon a velvet couch, in the shadow of a lofty fireplace, and the curious
+      Regent, with a tender voice, asked of Jacques &ldquo;Are you bruised? It was
+      very wrong of me to make a knight, wounded by one on my servants, ride
+      twelve miles. I was so anxious about it that I would not go to bed without
+      having seen you. Do you suffer?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I suffer with impatience,&rdquo; said he of the dozen, thinking it would not do
+      to appear reluctant. &ldquo;I see well,&rdquo; continued he, &ldquo;my noble and beautiful
+      mistress, that your servant has found favour in your sight.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;There, there!&rdquo; replied she; &ldquo;did you not tell a story when you said—&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What?&rdquo; said he.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Why, that you had followed me dozens of times to churches, and other
+      places to which I went.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Certainly,&rdquo; said he.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I am astonished,&rdquo; replied the Regent, &ldquo;never to have seen until today a
+      noble youth whose courage is so apparent in his countenance. I am not
+      ashamed of that which you heard me say when I believed you dead. You are
+      agreeable to me, you please me, and you wish to do well.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then the hour of the dreaded sacrifice having struck, Jacques fell at the
+      knees of the Regent, kissed her feet, her hands, and everything, it is
+      said; and while kissing her, previous to retirement, proved by many
+      arguments to the aged virtue of his sovereign, that a lady bearing the
+      burden of the state had a perfect right to enjoy herself —a theory
+      which was not directly admitted by the Regent, who determined to be
+      forced, in order to throw the burden of this sin upon her lover. This
+      notwithstanding, you may be sure that she had highly perfumed and
+      elegantly attired herself for the night, and shone with desire for
+      embraces, for desire lent her a high colour which greatly improved her
+      complexion; and in spite of her feeble resistance she was, like a young
+      girl, carried by assault in her royal couch, where the good lady and her
+      young dozener, embraced each other. Then from play to quarrel, quarrel to
+      riot, from riot to ribaldry, from thread to needle, the Regent declared
+      that she believed more in the virginity of the Holy Mary than in the
+      promised dozen. Now, by chance, Jacques de Beaune did not find this great
+      lady so very old between the sheets, since everything is metamorphosed by
+      the light of the lamps of the night. Many women of fifty by day are twenty
+      at midnight, as others are twenty at mid-day and a hundred after vespers.
+      Jacques, happier at this sight than at that of the King on a hanging day,
+      renewed his undertaking. Madame, herself astonished, promised every
+      assistance on her part. The manor of Azay-le-Brule, with a good title
+      thereto, she undertook to confer upon her cavalier, as well as the pardon
+      of his father, if from this encounter she came forth vanquished, then the
+      clever fellows said to himself, &ldquo;This is to save my father from
+      punishment! this for the fief! this for the letting and selling! this for
+      the forest of Azay! item for the right of fishing! another for the Isles
+      of the Indre! this for the meadows! I may as well release from
+      confiscation our land of La Carte, so dearly bought by my father! Once
+      more for a place at court!&rdquo; Arriving without hindrance at this point, he
+      believed his dignity involved, and fancied that having France under him,
+      it was a question of the honour of the crown. In short, at the cost of a
+      vow which he made to his patron, Monsieur St. Jacques, to build him a
+      chapel at Azay, he presented his liege homage to the Regent eleven clear,
+      clean, limpid, and genuine periphrases. Concerning the epilogue of this
+      slow conversation, the Tourainian had the great self-confidence to wish
+      excellently to regale the Regent, keeping for her on her waking the salute
+      of an honest man, as it was necessary for the lord of Azay to thank his
+      sovereign, which was wisely thought. But when nature is oppressed, she
+      acts like a spirited horse, lays down, and will die under the whip sooner
+      than move until it pleases her to rise reinvigorated. Thus, when in the
+      morning the seignior of the castle of Azay desired to salute the daughter
+      of King Louis XI., he was constrained, in spite of his courtesy, to make
+      the salute as royal salutes should be made—with blank cartridge
+      only. Therefore the Regent, after getting up, and while she was
+      breakfasting with Jacques, who called himself the legitimate Lord of Azay,
+      seized the occasion of this insufficiency to contradict her esquire, and
+      pretend, that as he had not gained his wager, he had not earned the manor.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ventre-Saint-Paterne! I have been near enough,&rdquo; said Jacques. &ldquo;But my
+      dear lady and noble sovereign it is not proper for either you or me to
+      judge in this cause. The case being an allodial case, must be brought
+      before your council, since the fief of Azay is held from the crown.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Pasques dieu!&rdquo; replied the Regent with a forced laugh. &ldquo;I give you the
+      place of the Sieur de Vieilleville in my house. Don&rsquo;t trouble about your
+      father. I will give you Azay, and will place you in a royal office if you
+      can, without injury to my honour, state the case in full council; but if
+      one word falls to the damage of my reputation as a virtuous women, I—&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;May I be hanged,&rdquo; said Jacques, turning the thing into a joke, because
+      there was a shade of anger in the face of Madame de Beaujeu.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In fact, the daughter of King Louis thought more of her royalty than of
+      the roguish dozen, which she considered as nothing, since fancying she had
+      had her night&rsquo;s amusement without loosening her purse-strings, she
+      preferred the difficult recital of his claim to another dozen offered her
+      by the Tourainian.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Then, my lady,&rdquo; replied her good companion, &ldquo;I shall certainly be your
+      squire.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The captains, secretaries, and other persons holding office under the
+      regency, astonished at the sudden departure of Madame de Beaujeu, learned
+      the cause of her anxiety, and came in haste to the castle of Amboise to
+      discover whence preceded the rebellion, and were in readiness to hold a
+      council when her Majesty had arisen. She called them together, not to be
+      suspected of having deceived them, and gave them certain falsehoods to
+      consider, which they considered most wisely. At the close of the sitting,
+      came the new squire to accompany his mistress. Seeing the councillors
+      rising, the bold Tourainian begged them to decide a point of law which
+      concerned both himself and the property of the Crown.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Listen to him,&rdquo; said the Regent. &ldquo;He speaks truly.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then Jacques de Beaune, without being nervous at the sight of this august
+      court, spoke as follows, or thereabouts:—&ldquo;Noble Lords, I beg you,
+      although I am about to speak to you of walnut shells, to give your
+      attention to this case, and pardon me the trifling nature of my language.
+      One lord was walking with another in a fruit garden, and noticed a fine
+      walnut tree, well planted, well grown, worth looking at, worth keeping,
+      although a little empty; a nut tree always fresh, sweet-smelling, the tree
+      which you would not leave if you once saw it, a tree of love which seemed
+      the tree of good and evil, forbidden by the Lord, through which were
+      banished our mother Eve and the gentleman her husband. Now, my lords, this
+      said walnut tree was the subject of a slight dispute between the two, and
+      one of those many wagers which are occasionally made between friends. The
+      younger boasted that he could throw twelve times through it a stick which
+      he had in his hand at the time—as many people have who walk in a
+      garden—and with each flight of the stick he would send a nut to the
+      ground—&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;That is, I believe the knotty point of the case,&rdquo; said Jacques turning
+      towards the Regent.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, gentlemen,&rdquo; replied she, surprised at the craft of her squire.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The other wagered to the contrary,&rdquo; went on the pleader. &ldquo;Now the first
+      named throws his stick with such precision of aim, so gently, and so well
+      that both derived pleasure therefrom, and by the joyous protection of the
+      saints, who no doubt were amused spectators, with each throw there fell a
+      nut; in fact, there fell twelve. But by chance the last of the fallen nuts
+      was empty, and had no nourishing pulp from which could have come another
+      nut tree, had the gardener planted it. Has the man with the stick gained
+      his wager? Judge.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The thing is clear enough,&rdquo; said Messire Adam Fumee, a Tourainian, who at
+      that time was the keeper of the seals. &ldquo;There is only one thing for the
+      other to do.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What is that?&rdquo; said the Regent.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;To pay the wager, Madame.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;He is rather too clever,&rdquo; said she, tapping her squire on the cheek. &ldquo;He
+      will be hanged one of these days.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      She meant it as a joke, but these words were the real horoscope of the
+      steward, who mounted the gallows by the ladder of royal favour, through
+      the vengeance of another old woman, and the notorious treason of a man of
+      Ballan, his secretary, whose fortune he had made, and whose name was
+      Prevost, and not Rene Gentil, as certain persons have wrongly called him.
+      The Ganelon and bad servant gave, it is said, to Madame d&rsquo;Angouleme, the
+      receipt for the money which had been given him by Jacques de Beaune, then
+      become Baron of Samblancay, lord of La Carte and Azay, and one of the
+      foremost men in the state. Of his two sons, one was Archbishop of Tours
+      the other Minister of Finance and Governor of Touraine. But this is not
+      the subject of the present history.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Now that which concerns the present narrative, is that Madame de Beaujeu,
+      to whom the pleasure of love had come rather late in the day, well pleased
+      with the great wisdom and knowledge of public affairs which her chance
+      lover possessed, made him Lord of the Privy Purse, in which office he
+      behaved so well, and added so much to the contents of it, that his great
+      renown procured for him one day the handling of the revenues which he
+      superintended and controlled most admirably, and with great profit to
+      himself, which was but fair. The good Regent paid the bet, and handed over
+      to her squire the manor of Azay-le-Brule, of which the castle had long
+      before been demolished by the first bombardiers who came from Touraine, as
+      everyone knows. For this powdery miracle, but for the intervention of the
+      king, the said engineers would have been condemned as heretics and
+      abettors of Satan, by the ecclesiastical tribune of the chapter.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      At this time there was being built with great care by Messire Bohier,
+      Minister of Finance, the Castle of Chenonceaux, which as a curiosity and
+      novel design, was placed right across the river Cher.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Now the Baron de Samblancay, wishing to oppose the said Bohier, determined
+      to lay the foundation of this at the bottom of the Indre, where it still
+      stands, the gem of this fair green valley, so solidly was it placed upon
+      the piles. It cost Jacques de Beaune thirty thousand crowns, not counting
+      the work done by his vassals. You may take it for granted this castle was
+      one of the finest, prettiest, most exquisite and most elaborate castles of
+      our sweet Touraine, and laves itself in the Indre like a princely
+      creature, gayly decked with pavilions and lace curtained windows, with
+      fine weather-beaten soldiers on her vanes, turning whichever way the wind
+      blows, as all soldiers do. But Samblancay was hanged before it was
+      finished, and since that time no one has been found with sufficient money
+      to complete it. Nevertheless, his master, King Francis the First, was once
+      his guest, and the royal chamber is still shown there. When the king was
+      going to bed, Samblancay, whom the king called &ldquo;old fellow,&rdquo; in honour of
+      his white hairs, hearing his royal master, to whom he was devotedly
+      attached, remark, &ldquo;Your clock has just struck twelve, old fellow!&rdquo;
+       replied, &ldquo;Ah! sire, to twelve strokes of a hammer, an old one now, but
+      years ago a good one, at this hour of the clock do I owe my lands, the
+      money spent on this place, and honour of being in your service.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The king wished to know what his minister meant by these strange words;
+      and when his majesty was getting into bed, Jacques de Beaune narrated to
+      him the history with which you are acquainted. Now Francis the First, who
+      was partial to these spicy stories, thought the adventure a very droll
+      one, and was the more amused thereat because at that time his mother, the
+      Duchess d&rsquo;Angouleme, in the decline of life, was pursuing the Constable of
+      Bourbon, in order to obtain of him one of these dozens. Wicked love of a
+      wicked woman, for therefrom proceeded the peril of the kingdom, the
+      capture of the king, and the death—as has been before mentioned—of
+      poor Samblancay.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      I have here endeavoured to relate how the Chateau d&rsquo;Azay came to be built,
+      because it is certain that thus was commenced the great fortune of that
+      Samblancay who did so much for his natal town, which he adorned; and also
+      spent such immense sums upon the completion of the towers of the
+      cathedral. This lucky adventure has been handed down from father to son,
+      and lord to lord, in the said place of Azay-les-Ridel, where the story
+      frisks still under the curtains of the king, which have been curiously
+      respected down to the present day. It is therefore the falsest of
+      falsities which attributes the dozen of the Tourainian to a German knight,
+      who by this deed would have secured the domains of Austria to the House of
+      Hapsburgh. The author of our days, who brought this history to light,
+      although a learned man, has allowed himself to be deceived by certain
+      chroniclers, since the archives of the Roman Empire make no mention of an
+      acquisition of this kind. I am angry with him for having believed that a
+      &ldquo;braguette&rdquo; nourished with beer, could have been equal to the alchemical
+      operations of the Chinonian &ldquo;braguettes,&rdquo; so much esteemed by Rabelais.
+      And I have for the advantage of the country, the glory of Azay, the
+      conscience of the castle, and renown of the House of Beaune, from which
+      sprang the Sauves and the Noirmoutiers, re-established the facts in all
+      their veritable, historical, and admirable beauty. Should any ladies pay a
+      visit to the castle, there are still dozens to be found in the
+      neighbourhood, but they can only be procured retail.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0025" id="link2H_4_0025">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE FALSE COURTESAN
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      That which certain people do not know, is a the truth concerning the
+      decease of the Duke of Orleans, brother of King Charles VI., a death which
+      proceeded from a great number of causes, one of which will be the subject
+      of this narrative. This prince was for certain the most lecherous of all
+      the royal race of Monseigneur St. Louis (who was in his life time King of
+      France), without even putting on one side some of the most debauched of
+      this fine family, which was so concordant with the vices and especial
+      qualities of our brave and pleasure-seeking nation, that you could more
+      easily imagine Hell without Satan than France without her valorous,
+      glorious, and jovial kings. So you can laugh as loudly at those muckworms
+      of philosophy who go about saying, &ldquo;Our fathers were better,&rdquo; as at the
+      good, philanthropical old bunglers who pretend that mankind is on the
+      right road to perfection. These are old blind bats, who observe neither
+      the plumage of oysters nor the shells of birds, which change no more than
+      our ways. Hip, hip, huzzah! then, make merry while you&rsquo;re young. Keep your
+      throats wet and your eyes dry, since a hundredweight of melancholy is
+      worth less than an ounce of jollity. The wrong doings of this lord, lover
+      of Queen Isabella, whom he doted upon, brought about pleasant adventures,
+      since he was a great wit, of Alcibaidescal nature, and a chip off the old
+      block. It was he who first conceived the idea of a relay of sweethearts,
+      so that when he went from Paris to Bordeaux, every time he unsettled his
+      nag he found ready for him a good meal and a bed with as much lace inside
+      as out. Happy Prince! who died on horseback, for he was always across
+      something in-doors and out. Of his comical jokes our most excellent King
+      Louis the Eleventh has given a splendid sample in the book of &ldquo;Cent
+      Nouvelles Nouvelles,&rdquo; written under his superintendence during his exile,
+      at the Court of Burgundy, where, during the long evenings, in order to
+      amuse themselves, he and his cousin Charolois would relate to each other
+      the good tricks and jokes of the period; and when they were hard up for
+      true stories, each of the courtiers tried who could invent the best one.
+      But out of respect for the royal blood, the Dauphin has credited a
+      townsman with that which happened to the Lady of Cany. It is given under
+      the title of &ldquo;La Medaille a revers&rdquo;, in the collection of which it is one
+      of the brightest jewels, and commences the hundred. But now for mine.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The Duc d&rsquo;Orleans had in his suite a lord of the province of Picardy,
+      named Raoul d&rsquo;Hocquetonville, who had taken for a wife, to the future
+      trouble of the prince, a young lady related to the house of Burgundy, and
+      rich in domains. But, an exception to the general run of heiresses, she
+      was of so dazzling a beauty, that all the ladies of the court, even the
+      Queen and Madame Valentine, were thrown into the shade; nevertheless, this
+      was as nothing in the lady of Hocquetonville, compared with her Burgundian
+      consanguinity, her inheritances, her prettiness, and gentle nature,
+      because these rare advantages received a religious lustre from her supreme
+      innocence, sweet modesty, and chaste education. The Duke had not long
+      gazed upon this heaven-sent flower before he was seized with the fever of
+      love. He fell into a state of melancholy, frequented no bad places, and
+      only with regret now and then did he take a bite at his royal and dainty
+      German morsel Isabella. He became passionate, and swore either by sorcery,
+      by force, by trickery, or with her consent, to enjoy the flavours of this
+      gentle lady, who, by the sight of her sweet body, forced him to the last
+      extremity, during his now long and weary nights. At first, he pursued her
+      with honied words, but he soon knew by her untroubled air that she was
+      determined to remain virtuous, for without appearing astonished at his
+      proceedings, or getting angry like certain other ladies, she replied to
+      him, &ldquo;My lord, I must inform you that I do not desire to trouble myself
+      with the love of other persons, not that I despise the joys which are
+      therein to be experienced (as supreme they must be, since so many ladies
+      cast into the abyss of love their homes, their honour, their future, and
+      everything), but from the love I bear my children. Never would I be the
+      cause of a blush upon their cheeks, for in this idea will I bring up my
+      daughters—that in virtue alone is happiness to be found. For, my
+      lord, if the days of our old age are more numerous than those of our
+      youth, of them must we think. From those who brought me up I learned to
+      properly estimate this life, and I know that everything therein is
+      transitory, except the security of the natural affections. Thus I wish for
+      the esteem of everyone, and above all that of my husband, who is all the
+      world to me. Therefore do I desire to appear honest in his sight. I have
+      finished, and I entreat you to allow me unmolested to attend to my
+      household affairs, otherwise I will unhesitatingly refer the matter to my
+      lord and master, who will quit your service.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      This brave reply rendered the king&rsquo;s brother more amorous than ever, and
+      he endeavoured to ensnare this noble woman in order to possess her, dead
+      or alive, and he never doubted a bit that he would have her in his
+      clutches, relying upon his dexterity at this kind of sport, the most
+      joyous of all, in which it is necessary to employ the weapons of all other
+      kinds of sport, seeing that this sweet game is taken running, by taking
+      aim, by torchlight, by night, by day, in the town, in the country, in the
+      woods, by the waterside, in nets, with falcons, with the lance, with the
+      horn, with the gun, with the decoy bird, in snares, in the toils, with a
+      bird call, by the scent, on the wing, with the cornet, in slime, with a
+      bait, with the lime-twig—indeed, by means of all the snares invented
+      since the banishment of Adam. And gets killed in various different ways,
+      but generally is overridden.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The artful fellow ceased to mention his desires, but had a post of honour
+      given to the Lady of Hocquetonville, in the queen&rsquo;s household. Now, one
+      day that the said Isabella went to Vincennes, to visit the sick King, and
+      left him master of the Hotel St. Paul, he commanded the chef to have a
+      delicate and royal supper prepared, and to serve it in the queen&rsquo;s
+      apartments. Then he sent for his obstinate lady by express command, and by
+      one of the pages of the household. The Countess d&rsquo;Hocquetonville,
+      believing that she was desired by Madame Isabella for some service
+      appertaining to her post, or invited to some sudden amusement, hastened to
+      the room. In consequence of the precautions taken by the disloyal lover,
+      no one had been able to inform the noble dame of the princess&rsquo;s departure,
+      so she hastened to the splendid chamber, which, in the Hotel St. Paul, led
+      into the queen&rsquo;s bedchamber; there she found the Duc d&rsquo;Orleans alone.
+      Suspecting some treacherous plot, she went quickly into the other room,
+      found no queen, but heard the Prince give vent to a hearty laugh.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I am undone!&rdquo; said she. Then she endeavoured to run away.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But the good lady-killer had posted about devoted attendants, who, without
+      knowing what was going on, closed the hotel, barricaded the doors, and in
+      this mansion, so large that it equalled a fourth of Paris, the Lady
+      d&rsquo;Hocquetonville was as in a desert, with no other aid than that of her
+      patron saint and God. Then, suspecting the truth, the poor lady trembled
+      from head to foot and fell into a chair; and then the working of this
+      snare, so cleverly conceived, was, with many a hearty laugh, revealed to
+      her by her lover. Directly the duke made a movement to approach her this
+      woman rose and exclaimed, arming herself first with her tongue, and
+      flashing one thousand maledictions from her eyes—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You will possess me—but dead! Ha! my lord, do not force me to a
+      struggle which must become known to certain people. I may yet retire, and
+      the Sire d&rsquo;Hocquetonville shall be ignorant of the sorrow with which you
+      have forever tinged my life. Duke, you look too often in the ladies&rsquo; faces
+      to find time to study men&rsquo;s, and you do not therefore know your man. The
+      Sire d&rsquo;Hocquetonville would let himself be hacked to pieces in your
+      service, so devoted is he to you, in memory of your kindness to him, and
+      also because he is partial to you. But as he loves so does he hate; and I
+      believe him to be the man to bring his mace down upon your head, to take
+      his revenge, if you but compel me to utter one cry. Do you desire both my
+      death and your own? But be assured that, as an honest woman, whatever
+      happens to me, good or evil, I shall keep no secret. Now, will you let me
+      go?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The bad fellow began to whistle. Hearing his whistling, the good woman
+      went suddenly into the queen&rsquo;s chamber, and took from a place known to her
+      therein, a sharp stiletto. Then, when the duke followed her to ascertain
+      what this flight meant, &ldquo;When you pass that line,&rdquo; cried she, pointing to
+      a board, &ldquo;I will kill myself.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      My lord, without being in the least terrified, took a chair, placed it at
+      the very edge of the plank in question, and commenced a glowing
+      description of certain things, hoping to influence the mind of this brave
+      woman, and work her to that point that her brain, her heart, and
+      everything should be at his mercy. Then he commenced to say to her, in
+      that delicate manner to which princes are accustomed, that, in the first
+      place, virtuous women pay dearly for their virtue, since in order to gain
+      the uncertain blessings of the future, they lose all the sweetest joys of
+      the present, because husbands were compelled, from motives of conjugal
+      policy, not show them all the jewels in the shrine of love, since the said
+      jewels would so affect their hearts, was so rapturously delicious, so
+      titillatingly voluptuous, that a woman would no longer consent to dwell in
+      the cold regions of domestic life; and he declared this marital
+      abomination to be a great felony, because the least thing a man could do
+      in recognition of the virtuous life of a good woman and her great merits,
+      was to overwork himself, to exert, to exterminate himself, to please her
+      in every way, with fondlings and kissings and wrestlings, and all the
+      delicacies and sweet confectionery of love; and that, if she would taste a
+      little of the seraphic joys of these little ways to her unknown, she would
+      believe all the other things of life as not worth a straw; and that, if
+      such were her wish, he would forever be as silent as the grave, and last
+      no scandal would besmear her virtue. And the lewd fellow, perceiving that
+      the lady did not stop her ears, commenced to describe to her, after the
+      fashion of arabesque pictures, which at that time were much esteemed, the
+      wanton inventions of debauchery. Then did his eyes shoot flame, his words
+      burn, and his voice ring, and he himself took great pleasure in calling to
+      mind the various ways of his ladies, naming them to Madame
+      d&rsquo;Hocquetonville, and even revealing to her the tricks, caresses, and
+      amorous ways of Queen Isabella, and he made use of expression so gracious
+      and so ardently inciting, that, fancying it caused the lady to relax her
+      hold upon the stiletto a little, he made as if to approach her. But she,
+      ashamed to be found buried in thought, gazed proudly at the diabolical
+      leviathan who tempted her, and said to him, &ldquo;Fine sir, I thank you. You
+      have caused me to love my husband all the more, for from your discourse I
+      learn how much he esteems me by holding me in such respect that he does
+      not dishonour his couch with the tricks of street-walkers and bad women. I
+      should think myself forever disgraced, and should be contaminated to all
+      eternity if I put my foot in these sloughs where go these shameless
+      hussies. A man&rsquo;s wife is one thing, and his mistress another.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I will wager,&rdquo; said the duke, smiling, &ldquo;that, nevertheless, for the
+      future you spur the Sire d&rsquo;Hocquetonville to a little sharper pace.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      At this the good woman trembled, and cried, &ldquo;You are a wicked man. Now I
+      both despise and abominate you! What! unable to rob me of my honour, you
+      attempt to poison my mind! Ah, my lord, this night&rsquo;s work will cost you
+      dear—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;If I forget it, a yet, God will not forget.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Are not those of verse is yours?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Madame,&rdquo; said the duke, turning pale with anger, &ldquo;I can have you bound—&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh no! I can free myself,&rdquo; replied she, brandishing the stiletto.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The rapscallion began to laugh.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Never mind,&rdquo; said he. &ldquo;I have a means of plunging you into the sloughs of
+      three brazen hussies, as you call them.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Never, while I live.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Head and heels you shall go in—with your two feet, two hands, two
+      ivory breasts, and two other things, white as snow—your teeth, your
+      hair, and everything. You will go of your own accord; you shall enter into
+      it lasciviously, and in a way to crush your cavalier, as a wild horse does
+      its rider—stamping, leaping, and snorting. I swear it by Saint
+      Castud!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Instantly he whistled for one of his pages. And when the page came, he
+      secretly ordered him to go and seek the Sire d&rsquo;Hocquetonville, Savoisy,
+      Tanneguy, Cypierre, and other members of his band, asking them to these
+      rooms to supper, not without at the same time inviting to meet his guests
+      a pretty petticoat or two.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then he came and sat down in his chair again, ten paces from the lady, off
+      whom he had not taken his eye while giving his commands to the page in a
+      whisper.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Raoul is jealous,&rdquo; said he. &ldquo;Now let me give you a word of advice. In
+      this place,&rdquo; he added, pointing to a secret door, &ldquo;are the oils and
+      superfine perfumes of the queen; in this other little closet she performs
+      her ablutions and little feminine offices. I know by much experience that
+      each one of you gentle creatures has her own special perfume, by which she
+      is smelt and recognised. So if, as you say, Raoul is overwhelmingly
+      jealous with the worst of all jealousies, you will use these fast hussies&rsquo;
+      scents, because your danger approaches fast.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah, my lord, what do you intend to do?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You will know when it is necessary that you should know. I wish you no
+      harm, and pledge you my honour, as a loyal knight, that I will almost
+      thoroughly respect you, and be forever silent concerning my discomfiture.
+      In short, you will know that the Duc d&rsquo;Orleans has a good heart, and
+      revenges himself nobly on ladies who treat him with disdain, by placing in
+      their hands the key of Paradise. Only keep your ears open to the joyous
+      words that will be handed from mouth to mouth in the next room, and cough
+      not if you love your children.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Since there was no egress from the royal chamber, and the bars crossing
+      hardly left room to put one&rsquo;s head through, the good prince closed the
+      door of the room, certain of keeping the lady a safe prisoner there, and
+      again impressed upon her the necessity of silence. Then came the merry
+      blades in great haste, and found a good and substantial supper smiling at
+      them from the silver plates upon the table, and the table well arranged
+      and well lighted, loaded with fine silver cups, and cups full of royal
+      wine. Then said their master to them—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Come! Come! to your places my good friends. I was becoming very weary.
+      Thinking of you, I wished to arrange with you a merry feast after the
+      ancient method, when the Greeks and Romans said their Pater noster to
+      Master Priapus, and the learned god called in all countries Bacchus. The
+      feast will be proper and a right hearty one, since at our libation there
+      will be present some pretty crows with three beaks, of which I know from
+      great experience the best one to kiss.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then all of them recognising their master in all things, took pleasure in
+      this discourse, except Raoul d&rsquo;Hocquetonville, who advanced and said to
+      the prince—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My lord, I will aid you willingly in any battle but that of the
+      petticoats, in that of spear and axe, but not of the wine flasks. My good
+      companions here present have not wives at home, it is otherwise with me. I
+      have a sweet wife, to whom I owe my company, and an account of all my
+      deeds and actions.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Then, since I am a married man I am to blame?&rdquo; said the duke.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! my dear master, you are a prince, and can do as you please.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      These brave speeches made, as you can imagine, the heart of the lady
+      prisoner hot and cold.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! my Raoul,&rdquo; thought she, &ldquo;thou art a noble man!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You are,&rdquo; said the duke, &ldquo;a man whom I love, and consider more faithful
+      and praiseworthy than any of my people. The others,&rdquo; said he, looking at
+      the three lords, &ldquo;are wicked men. But, Raoul,&rdquo; he continued, &ldquo;sit thee
+      down. When the linnets come—they are linnets of high degree—you
+      can make your way home. S&rsquo;death! I had treated thee as a virtuous man,
+      ignorant of the extra-conjugal joys of love, and had carefully put for
+      thee in that room the queen of raptures—a fair demon, in whom is
+      concentrated all feminine inventions. I wished that once in thy life thou,
+      who has never tasted the essence of love, and dreamed but of war, should
+      know the secret marvels of the gallant amusement, since it is shameful
+      that one of my followers should serve a fair lady badly.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thereupon the Sire d&rsquo;Hocquetonville sat down to a table in order to please
+      his prince as far as he could lawfully do so. Then they all commenced to
+      laugh, joke, and talk about the ladies; and according to their custom,
+      they related to each other their good fortunes and their love adventures,
+      sparing no woman except the queen of the house, and betraying the little
+      habits of each one, to which followed horrible little confidences, which
+      increased in treachery and lechery as the contents of the goblets grew
+      less. The duke, gay as a universal legatee, drew the guests out, telling
+      lies himself to learn the truth from them; and his companions ate at a
+      trot, drank at a full gallop, and their tongues rattled away faster than
+      either.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Now, listening to them, and heating his brain with wine, the Sire
+      d&rsquo;Hocquetonville unharnessed himself little by little from the reluctance.
+      In spite of his virtues, he indulged certain desires, and became soaked in
+      these impurities like a saint who defiles himself while saying his
+      prayers. Perceiving which, the prince, on the alert to satisfy his ire and
+      his bile, began to say to him, joking him—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;By Saint Castud, Raoul, we are all tarred with the same brush, all
+      discreet away from here. Go; we will say nothing to Madame. By heaven!
+      man, I wish thee to taste of the joys of paradise. There,&rdquo; said he,
+      tapping the door of the room in which was Madame d&rsquo;Hocquetonville, &ldquo;in
+      there is a lady of the court and a friend of the queen, but the greatest
+      priestess of Venus that ever was, and her equal is not to be found in any
+      courtesan, harlot, dancer, doxy, or hussy. She was engendered at a moment
+      when paradise was radiant with joy, when nature was procreating, when the
+      planets were whispering vows of love, when the beasts were frisking and
+      capering, and everything was aglow with desire. Although the women make an
+      altar of her bed, she is nevertheless too great a lady to allow herself to
+      be seen, and too well known to utter any words but the sounds of love. No
+      light will you need, for her eyes flash fire, and attempt no conversation,
+      since she speaks only with movements and twistings more rapid than those
+      of a deer surprised in the forest. Only, my dear Raoul, but so merry a nag
+      look to your stirrups, sit light in the saddle, since with one plunge she
+      would hurl thee to the ceiling, if you are not careful. She burns always,
+      and is always longing for male society. Our poor dead friend, the young
+      Sire de Giac, met his death through her; she drained his marrow in one
+      springtime. God&rsquo;s truth! to know such bliss as that of which she rings the
+      bells and lights the fires, what man would not forfeit a third of his
+      future happiness? and he who has known her once would for a second night
+      forfeit without regret eternity.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;But,&rdquo; said Raoul, &ldquo;in things which should be so much alike, how is it
+      that there is so great a difference?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ha! Ha! Ha!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thereupon the company burst out laughing, and animated by the wine and a
+      wink from their master, they all commenced relating droll and quaint
+      conceits, laughing, shouting, and making a great noise. Now, knowing not
+      that an innocent scholar was there, these jokers, who had drowned their
+      sense of shame in the wine-cups, said things to make the figures on the
+      mantel shake, the walls and the ceilings blush; and the duke surpassed
+      them all, saying, that the lady who was in bed in the next room awaiting a
+      gallant should be the empress of these warm imaginations, because she
+      practised them every night. Upon this the flagons being empty, the duke
+      pushed Raoul, who let himself be pushed willingly, into the room, and by
+      this means the prince compelled the lady to deliberate by which dagger she
+      would live or die. At midnight the Sire d&rsquo;Hocquetonville came out
+      gleefully, not without remorse at having been false to his good wife. Then
+      the Duc d&rsquo;Orleans led Madame d&rsquo;Hocquetonville out by a garden door, so
+      that she gained her residence before her husband arrived here.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;This,&rdquo; said she, in the prince&rsquo;s ear, as she passed the postern, &ldquo;will
+      cost us all dear.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      One year afterwards, in the old Rue du Temple, Raoul d&rsquo;Hocquetonville, who
+      had quitted the service of the Duke for that of Jehan of Burgundy, gave
+      the king&rsquo;s brother a blow on the head with a club, and killed him, as
+      everyone knows. In the same year died the Lady d&rsquo;Hocquetonville, having
+      faded like a flower deprived of air and eaten by a worm. Her good husband
+      had engraved upon her marble tomb, which is in one of the cloisters of
+      Peronne, the following inscription—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      HERE LIES BERTHA DE BOURGONGE THE NOBLE AND COMELY WIFE OF RAOUL, SIRE DE
+      HOCQUETONVILLE.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALAS! PRAY NOT FOR HER SOUL SHE BLOSSOMED AGAIN IN PARADISE THE ELEVENTH
+      DAY OF JANUARY IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD MCCCCVIII., IN THE TWENTY-THIRD
+      YEAR OF HER AGE, LEAVING TWO SONS AND HER LORD SPOUSE INCONSOLABLE.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This epitaph was written in elegant Latin, but for the convenience of all
+      it was necessary to translate it, although the word comely is feeble
+      beside that of formosa, which signifies beautiful in shape. The Duke of
+      Burgundy, called the Fearless, in whom previous to his death the Sire
+      d&rsquo;Hocquetonville confided the troubles cemented with lime and sand in his
+      heart, used to say, in spite of his hardheartedness in these matters, that
+      this epitaph plunged him into a state of melancholy for a month, and that
+      among all the abominations of his cousin of Orleans, there was one for
+      which he would kill him over again if the deed had not already been done,
+      because this wicked man had villianously defaced with vice the most divine
+      virtue in the world and had prostituted two noble hearts, the one by the
+      other. When saying this he would think of the lady of Hocquetonville and
+      of his own, which portrait had been unwarrantably placed in the cabinet
+      where his cousin placed the likeness of his wenches.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The adventure was so extremely shocking, that when it was related by the
+      Count de Charolois to the Dauphin, afterwards Louis XI., the latter would
+      not allow his secretaries to publish it in his collection, out of respect
+      for his great uncle the Duke d&rsquo;Orleans, and for Dunois his old comrade,
+      the son of the same. But the person of the lady of Hocquetonville is so
+      sublimely virtuous, so exquisitely melancholy, that in her favour the
+      present publication of this narrative will be forgiven, in spite of the
+      diabolical invention and vengeance of Monseigneur d&rsquo;Orleans. The just
+      death of this rascal nevertheless caused many serious rebellions, which
+      finally Louis XI., losing all patience, put down with fire and sword.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This shows us that there is a woman at the bottom of everything, in France
+      as elsewhere, and that sooner or later we must pay for our follies.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0026" id="link2H_4_0026">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE DANGER OF BEING TOO INNOCENT
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      The Lord of Montcontour was a brave soldier of Tours, who in honour of the
+      battle gained by the Duke of Anjou, afterwards our right glorious king,
+      caused to be built at Vouvray the castle thus named, for he had borne
+      himself most bravely in that affair, where he overcame the greatest of
+      heretics, and from that was authorised to take the name. Now this said
+      captain had two sons, good Catholics, of whom the eldest was in favour at
+      court. After the peace, which was concluded before the stratagem arranged
+      for St Bartholomew&rsquo;s Day, the good man returned to his manor, which was
+      not ornamented as it is at the present day. There he received the sad
+      announcement of the death of his son, slain in a duel by the lord of
+      Villequier. The poor father was the more cut up at this, as he had
+      arranged a capital marriage for the said son with a young lady of the male
+      branch of Amboise. Now, by this death most piteously inopportune, vanished
+      all the future and advantages of his family, of which he wished to make a
+      great and noble house. With this idea, he had put his other son in a
+      monastery, under the guidance and government of a man renowned for his
+      holiness, who brought him up in a Christian manner, according to the
+      desire of his father, who wished from high ambition to make him a cardinal
+      of renown. For this the good abbot kept the young man in a private house,
+      and had to sleep by his side in his cell, allowed no evil weeds to grow in
+      his mind, brought him up in purity of soul and true condition, as all
+      priests should be. This said clerk, when turned nineteen years, knew no
+      other love than the love of God, no other nature than that of the angels
+      who had not our carnal properties, in order that they may live in purity,
+      seeing that otherwise they would make good use of them. The which the King
+      on high, who wished to have His pages always proper, was afraid of. He has
+      done well, because His good little people cannot drink in dram shops or
+      riot in brothels as ours do. He is divinely served; but then remember, He
+      is Lord of all. Now in this plight the lord of Montcontour determined to
+      withdraw his second son from the cloister, and invest him with the purple
+      of the soldier and courtier, in the place of the ecclesiastical purple;
+      and determined to give him in marriage to the maiden, affianced to the
+      dead man, which was wisely determined because wrapped round with
+      continence and sobriety in all ways as was the little monk, the bride
+      would be as well used and happier than she would have been with the elder,
+      already well hauled over, upset, and spoiled by the ladies of the court.
+      The befrocked, unfrocked, and very sheepish in his ways, followed the
+      sacred wishes of his father, and consented to the said marriage without
+      knowing what a wife, and—what is more curious—what a girl was.
+      By chance, his journey having been hindered by the troubles and marches of
+      conflicting parties, this innocent—more innocent than it is lawful
+      for a man to be innocent—only came to the castle of Montcontour the
+      evening before the wedding, which was performed with dispensations bought
+      in by the archbishopric of Tours. It is necessary here to describe the
+      bride. Her mother, long time a widow, lived in the House of M. de
+      Braguelongne, civil lieutenant of the Chatelet de Paris, whose wife lived
+      with lord of Lignieres, to the great scandal of the period. But everyone
+      then had so many joists in his own eye that he had no right to notice the
+      rafters in the eyes of others. Now, in all families people go to
+      perdition, without noticing their neighbours, some at an amble, others at
+      a gentle trot, many at a gallop, and a small number walking, seeing that
+      the road is all downhill. Thus in these times the devil had many a good
+      orgy in all things, since that misconduct was fashionable. The poor old
+      lady Virtue had retired trembling, no one knew whither, but now here, now
+      there, lived miserably in company with honest women.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In the most noble house Amboise there still lived the Dowager of Chaumont,
+      an old woman of well proved virtue, in whom had retired all the religion
+      and good conduct of this fine family. The said lady had taken to her
+      bosom, from the age of ten years, the little maiden who is concerned in
+      this adventure, and who had never caused Madame Amboise the least anxiety,
+      but left her free in her movements, and she came to see her daughter once
+      a year, when the court passed that way. In spite of this high maternal
+      reserve, Madame Amboise was invited to her daughter&rsquo;s wedding, and also
+      the lord of Braguelongne, by the good old soldier, who knew his people.
+      But the dear dowager came not to Montcontour, because she could not obtain
+      relief from her sciatica, her cold, nor the state of her legs, which
+      gamboled no longer. Over this the good woman cried copiously. It hurt her
+      much to let go into the dangers of the court and of life this gentle
+      maiden, as pretty as it was possible for a pretty girl to be, but she was
+      obliged to give her her wings. But it was not without promising her many
+      masses and orisons every evening for her happiness. And comforted a
+      little, the good old lady began to think that the staff of her old age was
+      passing into the hands of a quasi-saint, brought up to do good by the
+      above-mentioned abbot, with whom she was acquainted, the which had aided
+      considerably in the prompt exchange of spouses. At length, embracing her
+      with tears, the virtuous dowager made those last recommendations to her
+      that ladies make to young brides, as that she ought to be respectful to
+      his mother, and obey her husband in everything.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then the maid arrived with a great noise, conducted by servants,
+      chamberlains, grooms, gentlemen, and people of the house of Chaumont, so
+      that you would have imagined her suite to be that of a cardinal legate. So
+      arrived the two spouses the evening before marriage. Then, the feasting
+      over, they were married with great pomp on the Lord&rsquo;s Day, a mass being
+      said at the castle by the Bishop of Blois, who was a great friend of the
+      lord of Montcontour; in short, the feasting, the dancing, and the
+      festivities of all sorts lasted till the morning. But on the stroke of
+      midnight the bridesmaids went to put the bride to bed, according to the
+      custom of Touraine; and during this time they kept quarrelling with the
+      innocent husband, to prevent him going to this innocent wife, who sided
+      with them from ignorance. However, the good lord of Montcontour
+      interrupted the jokers and the wits, because it was necessary that his son
+      should occupy himself in well-doing. Then went the innocent into the
+      chamber of his wife, whom he thought more beautiful than the Virgin Mary
+      painted in Italian, Flemish, and other pictures, at whose feet he had said
+      his prayers. But you may be sure he felt very much embarrassed at having
+      so soon become a husband, because he knew nothing of his business, and saw
+      that certain forms had to be gone through concerning which from great and
+      modest reserve, he had no time to question even his father, who had said
+      sharply to him—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You know what you have to do; be valiant therein.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then he saw the gentle girl who was given him, comfortably tucked up in
+      the bedclothes, terribly curious, her head buried under, but hazarding a
+      glance as at the point of a halberd, and saying to herself—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I must obey him.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And knowing nothing, she awaited the will of this slightly ecclesiastical
+      gentleman, to whom, in fact, she belonged. Seeing which, the Chevalier de
+      Montcontour came close to the bed, scratched his ear, and knelt down, a
+      thing in which he was expert.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Have you said your prayers?&rdquo; said he.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No,&rdquo; said she; &ldquo;I have forgotten them. Do wish me to say them?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then the young couple commenced the business of a housekeeping by
+      imploring God, which was not at all out of place. But unfortunately the
+      devil heard, and at once replied to their requests, God being much
+      occupied at that time with the new and abominable reformed religion.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What did they tell you to do?&rdquo; said the husband.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;To love you,&rdquo; said she, in perfect innocence.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;This has not been told to me; but I love you, I am ashamed to say, better
+      than I love God.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      This speech did not alarm the bride.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I should like,&rdquo; said the husband, &ldquo;to repose myself in your bed, if it
+      will not disturb you.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I will make room for you willingly because I am to submit myself to you.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well,&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;don&rsquo;t look at me again. I&rsquo;m going to take my clothes
+      off, and come.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      At this virtuous speech, the young damsel turned herself towards the wall
+      in great expectation, seeing that it was for the very first time that she
+      was about to find herself separated from a man by the confines of a shirt
+      only. Then came the innocent, gliding into bed, and thus they found
+      themselves, so to speak, united, but far from what you can imagine what.
+      Did you ever see a monkey brought from across the seas, who for the first
+      time is given a nut to crack? This ape, knowing by high apish imagination
+      how delicious is the food hidden under the shell, sniffs and twists
+      himself about in a thousand apish ways, saying, I know not what, between
+      his chattering jaws. Ah! with what affection he studies it, with what
+      study he examines it, in what examination he holds it, then throws it,
+      rolls and tosses it about with passion, and often, when it is an ape of
+      low extraction and intelligence, leaves the nut. As much did the poor
+      innocent who, towards the dawn, was obliged to confess to his dear wife
+      that, not knowing how to perform his office, or what that office was, or
+      where to obtain the said office, it would be necessary for him to inquire
+      concerning it, and have help and aid.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; said she; &ldquo;since, unhappily, I cannot instruct you.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      In fact, in spite of their efforts, essay of all kinds—in spite of a
+      thousand things which the innocents invent, and which the wise in matters
+      of love know nothing about—the pair dropped off to sleep, wretched
+      at having been unable to discover the secret of marriage. But they wisely
+      agreed to say that they had done so. When the wife got up, still a maiden,
+      seeing that she had not been crowned, she boasted of her night, and said
+      she had the king of husbands, and went on with her chattering and repartee
+      as briskly as those who know nothing of these things. Then everyone found
+      the maiden a little too sharp, since for a two-edged joke a lady of
+      Roche-Corbon having incited a young maiden, de la Bourdaisiere, who knew
+      nothing of such things, to ask the bride—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;How many loaves did your husband put in the oven?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Twenty-four,&rdquo; she replied.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Now, as the bridegroom was roaming sadly about, thereby distressing his
+      wife, who followed him with her eyes, hoping to see his state of innocence
+      come to an end, the ladies believed that the joy of that night had cost
+      him dear, and that the said bride was already regretting having so quickly
+      ruined him. And at breakfast came the bad jokes, which at that time were
+      relished as excellent, one said that the bride had an open expression;
+      another, that there had been some good strokes of business done that night
+      in the castle; this one, that the oven had been burned; that one that the
+      two families have lost something that night that they would never find
+      again. And a thousand other jokes, stupidities, and double meanings that,
+      unfortunately the husband did not understand. But on account of the great
+      affluence of the relations, neighbours, and others, no one had been to
+      bed; all had danced, rollicked, and frolicked, as is the custom at noble
+      weddings.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      At this was quite contented my said Sieur de Braguelongne, upon whom my
+      lady of Amboise, excited by the thought of the good things which were
+      happening to her daughter, cast the glances of a falcon in matters of
+      gallant assignation. The poor Lieutenant civil, learned in bailiffs&rsquo; men
+      and sergeants, and who nabbed all the pickpockets and scamps of Paris,
+      pretended not to see his good fortune, although his good lady required him
+      to do. You may be sure this great lady&rsquo;s love weighed heavily upon him, so
+      he only kept to her from a spirit of justice, because it was not seeming
+      in a lieutenant judiciary to change his mistresses as often as a man at
+      court, because he had under his charge morals, the police and religion.
+      This not withstanding his rebellion must come to an end. On the day after
+      the wedding a great number of the guests departed; then Madame d&rsquo;Amboise
+      and Monsieur de Braguelongne could go to bed, their guests having
+      decamped. Sitting down to supper, the lieutenant received a half-verbal
+      summons to which it was not becoming, as in legal matters, to oppose any
+      reasons for delay.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      During supper the said lady d&rsquo;Amboise made more than a hundred little
+      signs in order to draw the good Braguelongne from the room where he was
+      with the bride, but out came instead of the lieutenant the husband, to
+      walk about in company with the mother of his sweet wife. Now, in the mind
+      of this innocent there had sprung up like a mushroom an expedient—namely,
+      to interrogate this good lady, whom he considered discreet, for
+      remembering the religious precepts of his abbot, who had told him to
+      inquire concerning all things of old people expert in the ways of life, he
+      thought of confiding his case to the said lady d&rsquo;Amboise. But he made
+      first awkwardly and shyly certain twists and turns, finding no terms in
+      which to unfold his case. And the lady was also perfectly silent, since
+      she was outrageously struck with the blindness, deafness and voluntary
+      paralysis of the lord of Braguelongne; and said to herself, walking by the
+      side of this delicate morsel, a young innocent of whom she did not think,
+      little imagining that this cat so well provided with young bacon could
+      think of old—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;This Ho, Ho, with a beard of flies&rsquo; legs, a flimsy, old, grey, ruined,
+      shaggy beard—beard without comprehension, beard without shame,
+      without any feminine respect—beard which pretends neither to feel
+      nor to hear, nor to see, a pared away beard, a beaten down, disordered,
+      gutted beard. May the Italian sickness deliver me from this vile joker
+      with a squashed nose, fiery nose, frozen nose, nose without religion, nose
+      dry as a lute table, pale nose, nose without a soul, nose which is nothing
+      but a shadow; nose which sees not, nose wrinkled like the leaf of a vine;
+      nose that I hate, old nose, nose full of mud—dead nose. Where had my
+      eyes been to attach myself to truffle nose, to this old hulk that no
+      longer knows his way? I give my share to the devil of this juiceless
+      beard, of this grey beard, of this monkey face, of these old tatters, of
+      this old rag of a man, of this—I know not what; and I&rsquo;ll take a
+      young husband who&rsquo;ll marry me properly, and . . . and often—every
+      day—and well—&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      In this wise train of thought was she when the innocent began his anthem
+      to this woman, so warmly excited, who at the first paraphrase took fire in
+      her understanding, like a piece of old touchwood from the carbine of a
+      soldier; and finding it wise to try her son-in-law, said to herself—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! young beard, sweet scented! Ah! pretty new nose—fresh beard
+      —innocent nose—virgin appeared—nose full of joy it—beard
+      of springtime, small key of love!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      She kept on talking the round of the garden, which was long, and then
+      arranged with the Innocent that, night come, he should sally forth from
+      his room and get into hers, where she engaged to render him more learned
+      than ever was his father. And the husband was well content, and thanked
+      Madame d&rsquo;Amboise, begging her to say nothing of this arrangement.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      During this time the good old Braguelongne had been growling and saying to
+      himself, &ldquo;Old ha, ha! old ho, ho! May the plague take thee! may a cancer
+      eat thee!—worthless old currycomb! old slipper, too big for the
+      foot! old arquebus! ten year old codfish! old spider that spins no more!
+      old death with open eyes! old devil&rsquo;s cradle! vile lantern of an old
+      town-crier too! Old wretch whose look kills! old moustache of an old
+      theriacler! old wretch to make dead men weep! old organ-pedal! old sheath
+      with a hundred knives! old church porch, worn out by the knees! old
+      poor-box in which everyone has dropped. I&rsquo;ll give all my future to be quit
+      of thee!&rdquo; As he finished these gentle thoughts the pretty bride, who was
+      thinking of her young husband&rsquo;s great sorrow at not knowing the
+      particulars of that essential item of marriage, and not having the
+      slightest idea what it was, thought to save him much tribulation, shame,
+      and labour by instructing herself. And she counted upon much astonishing
+      and rejoicing him the next night when she should say to him, teaching him
+      his duty, &ldquo;That&rsquo;s the thing my love!&rdquo; Brought up in great respect of old
+      people by her dear dowager, she thought of inquiring of this good man in
+      her sweetest manner to distil for her the sweet mysteries of the commerce.
+      Now, the lord of Braguelongne, ashamed of being lost in sad contemplation
+      of this evening&rsquo;s work, and of saying nothing to his gay companion, put
+      this summary interrogation to the fair bride—&ldquo;If she was not happy
+      with so good a young husband—&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;He is very good,&rdquo; said she.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Too good, perhaps,&rdquo; said the lieutenant smiling.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      To be brief, matters were so well arranged between them that the Lord
+      engaged to spare no pains to enlighten the understanding of Madame
+      d&rsquo;Amboise&rsquo;s daughter-in-law, who promised to come and study her lesson in
+      his room. The said lady d&rsquo;Amboise pretended after supper to play terrible
+      music in a high key to Monsieur Braguelongne saying that he had no
+      gratitude for the blessings she had brought him—her position, her
+      wealth, her fidelity, etc. In fact, she talked for half an hour without
+      having exhausted a quarter of her ire. From this a hundred knives were
+      drawn between them, but they kept the sheaths. Meanwhile the spouses in
+      bed were arranging to themselves how to get away, in order to please each
+      other. Then the innocent began to say he fell quite giddy, he knew not
+      from what, and wanted to go into the open air. And his maiden wife told
+      him to take a stroll in the moonlight. And then the good fellow began to
+      pity his wife in being left alone a moment. At her desire, both of them at
+      different times left their conjugal couch and came to their preceptors,
+      both very impatient, as you can well believe; and good instruction was
+      given to them. How? I cannot say, because everyone has his own method and
+      practice, and of all sciences this is the most variable in principle. You
+      may be sure that never did scholars receive more gayly the precepts of any
+      language, grammar, or lessons whatsoever. And the two spouses returned to
+      their nest, delighted at being able to communicate to each other the
+      discoveries of their scientific peregrinations.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah, my dear,&rdquo; said the bride, &ldquo;you already know more than my master.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      From these curious tests came their domestic joy and perfect fidelity;
+      because immediately after their entry into the married state they found
+      out how much better each of them was adapted for love than anyone else,
+      their masters included. Thus for the remainder of their days they kept to
+      the legitimate substance of their own persons; and the lord of Montcontour
+      said in old age to his friends—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Do like me, be cuckolds in the blade, and not in the sheath.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Which is the true morality of the conjugal condition.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0027" id="link2H_4_0027">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE DEAR NIGHT OF LOVE
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      In that winter when commenced that first taking up of arms by those of the
+      religion, which was called the Riot of Amboise, an advocate, named
+      Avenelles, lent his house, situated in the Rue des Marmousets for the
+      interviews and conventions of the Huguenots, being one of them, without
+      knowing, however, that the Prince of Conde, La Regnaudie, and others,
+      intended to carry off the king.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The said Avenelles wore a nasty red beard, as shiny as a stick of
+      liquorice, and was devilishly pale, as are all the rogues who take refuge
+      in the darkness of the law; in short, the most evil-minded advocate that
+      has ever lived, laughing at the gallows, selling everybody, and a true
+      Judas. According to certain authors of a great experience in subtle rogues
+      he was in this affair, half knave, half fool, as it is abundantly proved
+      by this narrative. This procureur had married a very lovely lady of Paris,
+      of whom he was jealous enough to kill her for a pleat in the sheets, for
+      which she could not account, which would have been wrong, because honest
+      creases are often met with. But she folded her clothes very well, so
+      there&rsquo;s the end of the matter. Be assured that, knowing the murderous and
+      evil nature of this man, his wife was faithful enough to him, always
+      ready, like a candlestick, arranged for her duty like a chest which never
+      moves, and opens to order. Nevertheless, the advocate had placed her under
+      the guardianship and pursuing eye of an old servant, a duenna as ugly as a
+      pot without a handle, who had brought up the Sieur Avenelles, and was very
+      fond of him. His poor wife, for all pleasure in her cold domestic life,
+      used to go to the Church of St. Jehan, on the Place de Greve, where, as
+      everyone knows, the fashionable world was accustomed to meet; and while
+      saying her paternosters to God she feasted her eyes upon all these
+      gallants, curled, adorned, and starched, young, comely, and flitting about
+      like true butterflies, and finished by picking out from among the lot a
+      good gentleman, lover of the queen-mother, and a handsome Italian, with
+      whom she was smitten because he was in the May of his age, nobly dressed,
+      a graceful mover, brave in mien, and was all that a lover should be to
+      bestow a heart full of love upon an honest married woman too tightly
+      squeezed by the bonds of matrimony, which torment her, and always excite
+      her to unharness herself from the conjugal yoke. And you can imagine that
+      the young gentleman grew to admire Madame, whose silent love spoke
+      secretly to him, without either the devil or themselves knowing how. Both
+      one and the other had their correspondence of love. At first, the
+      advocate&rsquo;s wife adorned herself only to come to church, and always came in
+      some new sumptuosity; and instead of thinking of God, she made God angry
+      by thinking of her handsome gentleman, and leaving her prayers, she gave
+      herself up to the fire which consumed her heart, and moistened her eyes,
+      her lips, and everything, seeing that this fire always dissolves itself in
+      water; and often said to herself: &ldquo;Ha! I would give my life for a single
+      embrace with this pretty lover who loves me.&rdquo; Often, too, in place of
+      saying her litanies to Madame the Virgin, she thought in her heart: &ldquo;To
+      feel the glorious youth of this gentle lover, to have the full joys of
+      love, to taste all in one moment, little should I mind the flames into
+      which the heretics are thrown.&rdquo; Then the gentleman gazing at the charms of
+      this good wife, and her burning blushes when he glanced at her, came
+      always close to her stool, and addressed to her those requests which the
+      ladies understand so well. Then he said aside to himself: &ldquo;By the double
+      horn on my father, I swear to have the woman, though it cost me my life.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And when the duenna turned her head, the two lovers squeezed, pressed,
+      breathed, ate, devoured, and kissed each other by a look which would have
+      set light to the match of a musketeer, if the musketeer had been there. It
+      was certain that a love so far advanced in the heart should have an end.
+      The gentleman dressed as a scholar of Montaign, began to regale the clerks
+      of the said Avenelles, and to joke in the company, in order to learn the
+      habits of the husband, his hours of absence, his journeys, and everything,
+      watching for an opportunity to stick his horns on. And this was how, to
+      his injury, the opportunity occurred. The advocate, obliged to follow the
+      course of this conspiracy, and, in case of failure, intending to revenge
+      himself upon the Guises, determined to go to Blois, where the court then
+      was in great danger of being carried off. Knowing this, the gentleman came
+      first to the town of Blois, and there arranged a master-trap, into which
+      the Sieur Avenelles should fall, in spite of his cunning, and not come out
+      until steeped in a crimson cuckoldom. The said Italian, intoxicated with
+      love, called together all his pages and vassals, and posted them in such a
+      manner that on the arrival of the advocate, his wife, and her duenna, it
+      was stated to them at all the hostelries at which they wished to put up
+      that the hostelry being full, in consequence of the sojourn of the court,
+      they must go elsewhere. Then the gentleman made such an arrangement with
+      the landlord of the Soleil Royal, that he had the whole of the house, and
+      occupied, without any of the usual servants of the place remaining there.
+      For greater security, my lord sent the said master and his people into the
+      country, and put his own in their places, so that the advocate should know
+      nothing of this arrangement. Behold my good gentleman who lodges his
+      friends to come to the court in the hostelry, and for himself keeps a room
+      situated above those in which he intends to put his lovely mistress, her
+      advocate, and the duenna, not without first having cut a trap in the
+      boards. And his steward being charged to play the part of the innkeeper,
+      his pages dressed like guests, and his female servants like servants of
+      the inn, he waited for spies to convey to him the dramatis personae of
+      this farce—viz., wife, husband, and duenna, none of whom failed to
+      come. Seeing the immense wealth of the great lords, merchants, warriors,
+      members of the service, and others, brought by the sojourn of the young
+      king, of two queens, the Guises, and all the court, no one had a right to
+      be astonished or to talk of the roguish trap, or of the confusion come to
+      the Soleil Royal. Behold now the Sieur Avenelles, on his arrival, bundled
+      about, he, his wife and the duenna from inn to inn, and thinking
+      themselves very fortunate in being received at the Soleil Royal, where the
+      gallant was getting warm, and love was burning. The advocate, being
+      lodged, the lover walked about the courtyard, watching and waiting for a
+      glance from the lady; and he did not have to wait very long, since the
+      fair Avenelles, looking soon into the court, after the custom of the
+      ladies, there recognised not without great throbbing of the heart, her
+      gallant and well-beloved gentleman. At that she was very happy; and if by
+      a lucky chance both had been alone together for an ounce of time, that
+      good gentleman would not have had to wait for his good fortune, so burning
+      was she from head to foot.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;How warm it is in the rays of this lord,&rdquo; said she, meaning to say sun,
+      since it was then shining fiercely.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Hearing this, the advocate sprang to the window, and beheld my gentleman.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ha! you want lords, my dear, do you?&rdquo; said the advocate, dragging her by
+      the arm, and throwing her like one of his bags on to the bed. &ldquo;Remember
+      that if I have a pencase at my side instead of a sword, I have a penknife
+      in this pencase, and that penknife will go into your heart on the least
+      suspicion of conjugal impropriety. I believe I have seen that gentleman
+      somewhere.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The advocate was so terribly spiteful that the lady rose, and said to him—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well, kill me. I am not afraid of deceiving you. Never touch me again,
+      after having thus menaced me. And from to-day I shall never think of
+      sleeping save with a lover more gentle than you are.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;There, there, my little one!&rdquo; said the advocate, surprised. &ldquo;We have gone
+      a little too far. Kiss me, chick-a-biddy, and forgive me.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I will neither kiss nor pardon you,&rdquo; said she &ldquo;You are a wretch!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Avenelles, enraged, wished to take by force that which his wife denied
+      him, and from this resulted a combat, from which the husband emerged
+      clawed all over. But the worst of it was, that the advocate, covered with
+      scratches, being expected by the conspirators, who were holding a council,
+      was obliged to quit his good wife, leaving her to the care of the old
+      woman.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The knave having departed, the gentleman putting one of his servants to
+      keep watch at the corner of the street, mounts to his blessed trap, lifts
+      it noiselessly, and calls the lady by a gentle psit! psit! which was
+      understood by the heart, which generally understands everything. The lady
+      lifts her head, and sees her pretty lover four flea jumps above her. Upon
+      a sign, she takes hold of two cords of black silk, to which were attached
+      loops, through which she passes her arms, and in the twinkling of an eye
+      is translated by two pulleys from her bed through the ceiling into the
+      room above, and the trap closing as it has opened, left the old duenna in
+      a state of great flabbergastation, when, turning her head, she neither saw
+      robe nor woman, and perceived that the women had been robbed. How? by
+      whom? in what way? where? —Presto! Foro! Magico! As much knew the
+      alchemists at their furnaces reading Herr Trippa. Only the old woman knew
+      well the crucible, and the great work—the one was cuckoldom, and the
+      other the private property of Madame Advocate. She remained dumbfounded,
+      watching for the Sieur Avenelles—as well say death, for in his rage
+      he would attack everything, and the poor duenna could not run away,
+      because with great prudence the jealous man had taken the keys with him.
+      At first sight, Madame Avenelles found a dainty supper, a good fire in the
+      grate, but a better in the heart of her lover, who seized her, and kissed
+      her, with tears of joy, on the eyes first of all, to thank them for their
+      sweet glances during devotion at the church of St Jehan en Greve. Nor did
+      the glowing better half of the lawyer refuse her little mouth to his love,
+      but allowed herself to be properly pressed, adored, caressed, delighting
+      to be properly pressed, admirably adored, and calorously caressed after
+      the manner of eager lovers. And both agreed to be all in all to each other
+      the whole night long, no matter what the result might be, she counting the
+      future as a fig in comparison with the joys of this night, he relying upon
+      his cunning and his sword to obtain many another. In short, both of them
+      caring little for life, because at one stroke they consummated a thousand
+      lives, enjoyed with each other a thousand delights, giving to each other
+      the double of their own—believing, he and she, that they were
+      falling into an abyss, and wishing to roll there closely clasped, hurling
+      all the love of their souls with rage in one throw. Therein they loved
+      each other well. Thus they knew not love, the poor citizens, who live
+      mechanically with their good wives, since they know not the fierce beating
+      of the heart, the hot gush of life, and the vigorous clasp as of two young
+      lovers, closely united and glowing with passion, who embrace in face of
+      the danger of death. Now the youthful lady and the gentleman ate little
+      supper, but retired early to rest. Let us leave them there, since no
+      words, except those of paradise unknown to us, would describe their
+      delightful agonies, and agonising delights. Meanwhile, the husband, so
+      well cuckolded that all memory of marriage had been swept away by love,—the
+      said Avenelles found himself in a great fix. To the council of the
+      Huguenots came the Prince of Conde, accompanied by all the chiefs and
+      bigwigs, and there it was resolved to carry off the queen-mother, the
+      Guises, the young king, the young queen, and to change the government.
+      This becoming serious, the advocate seeing his head at stake, did not feel
+      the ornaments being planted there, and ran to divulge the conspiracy to
+      the cardinal of Lorraine, who took the rogue to the duke, his brother, and
+      all three held a consultation, making fine promises to the Sieur
+      Avenelles, whom with the greatest difficulty they allowed, towards
+      midnight, to depart, at which hour he issued secretly from the castle. At
+      this moment the pages of the gentleman and all his people were having a
+      right jovial supper in honour of the fortuitous wedding of their master.
+      Now, arriving at the height of the festivities, in the middle of the
+      intoxication and joyous huzzahs, he was assailed with jeers, jokes, and
+      laughter that turned him sick when he came into his room. The poor servant
+      wished to speak, but the advocate promptly planted a blow in her stomach,
+      and by a gesture commanded her to be silent. Then he felt in his valise,
+      and took therefrom a good poniard. While he was opening and shutting it, a
+      frank, naive, joyous, amorous, pretty, celestial roar of laughter,
+      followed by certain words of easy comprehension, came down through the
+      trap. The cunning advocate, blowing out his candle, saw through the cracks
+      in the boards caused by the shrinking of the door a light, which vaguely
+      explained the mystery to him, for he recognised the voice of his wife, and
+      that of the combatant. The husband took the duenna by the arm, and went
+      softly at the stairs searching for the door of the chamber in which were
+      the lovers, and did not fail to find it. Fancy! that like a horrid, rude
+      advocate, he burst open the door, and with one spring was on the bed, in
+      which he surprised his wife, half dressed, in the arms of the gentleman.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah!&rdquo; said she.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The lover having avoided the blow, tried to snatch the poniard from the
+      hands of the knave, who held it firmly.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Now, in this struggle of life and death, the husband finding himself
+      hindered by his lieutenant, who clutched him tightly with his fingers of
+      iron, and bitten by his wife, who tore away at him with a will, gnawing
+      him as a dog gnaws a bone, he thought instantly of a better way to gratify
+      his rage. Then the devil, newly horned, maliciously ordered, in his
+      patois, the servants to tie the lovers with the silken cords of the trap,
+      and throwing the poniard away, he helped the duenna to make them fast. And
+      the thing thus done in a moment, he rammed some linen into their mouths to
+      stop their cries, and ran to his good poniard without saying a word. At
+      this moment there entered several officers of the Duke of Guise, whom
+      during the struggle no one had heard turning the house upside down,
+      looking for the Sieur Avenelles. These soldiers, suddenly warned by the
+      cries of the pages of the lord, bound, gagged and half killed, threw
+      themselves between the man with the poniard and the lovers, disarmed him,
+      and accomplished their mission by arresting him, and marching him off to
+      the castle prison, he, his wife, and the duenna. At the same time the
+      people of the Guises, recognising one of their master&rsquo;s friends, with whom
+      at this moment the queen was most anxious to consult, and whom they were
+      enjoined to summon to the council, invited him to come with them. Then the
+      gentleman soon untied, dressing himself, said aside to the chief of the
+      escort, that on his account, for the love for him, he should be careful to
+      keep the husband away from his wife, promising him his favour, good
+      advancement, and even a few deniers, if he were careful to obey him on
+      this point. And for greater surety he explained to him the why and the
+      wherefore of the affair, adding that if the husband found himself within
+      reach of this fair lady he would give her for certain a blow in the belly
+      from which she would never recover. Finally he ordered him to place the
+      lady in the jail of the castle, in a pleasant place level with gardens,
+      and the advocate in a safe dungeon, not without chaining him hand and
+      foot. The which the said office promised, and arranged matters according
+      to the wish of the gentleman, who accompanied the lady as far as the
+      courtyard of the castle, assuring her that this business would make her a
+      widow, and that he would perhaps espouse her in legitimate marriage. In
+      fact, the Sieur Avenelles was thrown into a damp dungeon, without air, and
+      his pretty wife placed in a room above him, out of consideration for her
+      lover, who was the Sieur Scipion Sardini, a noble of Lucca, exceedingly
+      rich, and, as has been before stated, a friend of Queen Catherine de
+      Medici, who at that time did everything in concert with the Guises. Then
+      he went up quickly to the queen&rsquo;s apartments, where a great secret council
+      was then being held, and there the Italian learned what was going on, and
+      the danger of the court. Monseigneur Sardini found the privy counsellors
+      much embarrassed and surprised at this dilemma, but he made them all
+      agree, telling them to turn it to their own advantage; and to his advice
+      was due the clever idea of lodging the king in the castle of Amboise, in
+      order to catch the heretics there like foxes in a bag, and there to slay
+      them all. Indeed, everyone knows how the queen-mother and Guises
+      dissimulated, and how the Riot of Amboise terminated. This is not,
+      however, the subject of the present narrative. When in the morning
+      everyone had quitted the chamber of the queen-mother, where everything had
+      been arranged, Monseigneur Sardini, in no way oblivious of his love for
+      the fair Avenelles, although he was at the time deeply smitten with the
+      lovely Limeuil, a girl belonging to the queen-mother, and her relation by
+      the house of La Tour de Turenne, asked why the good Judas had been caged.
+      Then the Cardinal of Lorraine told him his intention was not in any way to
+      harm the rogue, but that fearing his repentance, and for greater security
+      of his silence until the end of the affair, he put him out of the way, and
+      would liberate him at the proper time.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Liberate him!&rdquo; said the Luccanese. &ldquo;Never! Put him in a sack, and throw
+      the old black gown into the Loire. In the first place I know him; he is
+      not the man to forgive you his imprisonment, and will return to the
+      Protestant Church. Thus this will be a work pleasant to God, to rid him of
+      a heretic. Then no one will know your secrets, and not one of his
+      adherents will think of asking you what has become of him, because he is a
+      traitor. Let me procure the escape of his wife and arrange the rest; I
+      will take it off your hands.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ha, ha!&rdquo; said the cardinal; &ldquo;you give good council. Now I will, before
+      distilling your advice, have them both more securely guarded. Hi, there!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Came an officer of police, who was ordered to let no person whoever he
+      might be, communicate with the two prisoners. Then the cardinal begged
+      Sardini to say at his hotel that the said advocate had departed from Blois
+      to return to his causes in Paris. The men charged with the arrest of the
+      advocate had received a verbal order to treat him as a man of importance,
+      so they neither stripped nor robbed him. Now the advocate had kept thirty
+      gold crowns in his purse, and resolved to lose them all to assure his
+      vengeance, and proved by good arguments to the jailers that it was
+      allowable for him to see his wife, on whom he doted, and whose legitimate
+      embrace he desired. Monseigneur Sardini, fearing for his mistress the
+      danger of the proximity of this red learned rogue, and for her having
+      great fear of certain evils, determined to carry her off in the night, and
+      put her in a place of safety. Then he hired some boatmen and also their
+      boat, placing them near the bridge, and ordered three of his most active
+      servants to file the bars of the cell, seize the lady, and conduct her to
+      the wall of the gardens where he would await her.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      These preparations being made, and good files bought, he obtained an
+      interview in the morning with the queen-mother, whose apartments were
+      situated above the stronghold in which lay the said advocate and his wife,
+      believing that the queen would willingly lend herself to this flight.
+      Presently he was received by her, and begged her not to think it wrong
+      that, at the instigation of the cardinal and of the Duke of Guise, he
+      should deliver this lady; and besides this, urged her very strongly to
+      tell the cardinal to throw the man into the water. To which the queen said
+      &ldquo;Amen.&rdquo; Then the lover sent quickly to his lady a letter in a plate of
+      cucumbers, to advise her of her approaching widowhood, and the hour of
+      flight, with all of which was the fair citizen well content. Then at dusk
+      the soldiers of the watch being got out of the way by the queen, who sent
+      them to look at a ray of the moon, which frightened her, behold the
+      servants raised the grating, and caught the lady, who came quickly enough,
+      and was led through the house to Monseigneur Sardini.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But the postern closed, and the Italian outside with the lady, behold the
+      lady throw aside her mantle, see the lady change into an advocate, and see
+      my said advocate seize his cuckolder by the collar, and half strangle him,
+      dragging him towards the water to throw him to the bottom of the Loire;
+      and Sardini began to defend himself, to shout, and to struggle, without
+      being able, in spite of his dagger, to shake off this devil in long robes.
+      Then he was quiet, falling into a slough under the feet of the advocate,
+      whom he recognised through the mists of this diabolical combat, and by the
+      light of the moon, his face splashed with the blood of his wife. The
+      enraged advocate quitted the Italian, believing him to be dead, and also
+      because servants armed with torches, came running up. But he had to jump
+      into the boat and push off in great haste.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Thus poor Madame Avenelles died alone, since Monseigneur Sardini, badly
+      strangled, was found, and revived from this murder; and later, as everyone
+      knows, married the fair Limeuil after this sweet girl had been brought to
+      bed in the queen&rsquo;s cabinet—a great scandal, which from friendship
+      the queen-mother wished to conceal, and which from great love Sardini, to
+      whom Catherine gave the splendid estate of Chaumont-sur-Loire, and also
+      the castle, covered with marriage.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But he had been so brutally used by the husband, that he did not make old
+      bones, and the fair Limeuil was left a widow in her springtime. In spite
+      of his misdeeds the advocate was not searched after. He was cunning enough
+      eventually to get included in the number of those conspirators who were
+      not prosecuted, and returned to the Huguenots, for whom he worked hard in
+      Germany.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Poor Madame Avenelles, pray for her soul! for she was hurled no one knew
+      where, and had neither the prayers of the Church nor Christian burial.
+      Alas! shed a tear for her, ye ladies lucky in your loves.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0028" id="link2H_4_0028">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/314s.jpg" alt="314s " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h4>
+      <a href="images/314.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a
+      href="images/314m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a>
+    </h4>
+    <h2>
+      THE SERMON OF THE MERRY VICAR OF MEUDON
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      When, for the last time, came Master Francis Rabelais, to the court of
+      King Henry the Second of the name, it was in that winter when the will of
+      nature compelled him to quit for ever his fleshly garb, and live forever
+      in his writings resplendent with that good philosophy to which we shall
+      always be obliged to return. The good man had, at that time, counted as
+      nearly as possible seventy flights of the swallow. His Homeric head was
+      but scantily ornamented with hair, but his beard was still perfect in its
+      flowing majesty; there was still an air of spring-time in his quiet smile,
+      and wisdom on his ample brow. He was a fine old man according to the
+      statement of those who had the happiness to gaze upon his face, to which
+      Socrates and Aristophanes, formerly enemies, but then become friends,
+      contributed their features. Hearing his last hours tinkling in his ears he
+      determined to go and pay his respects to the king of France, because he
+      was having just at that time arrived in his castle of Tournelles, the good
+      man&rsquo;s house being situated in the gardens of St Paul, was not a stone&rsquo;s
+      throw distant from the court. He soon found himself in the presence of
+      Queen Catherine, Madame Diana, whom she received from motives of policy,
+      the king, the constable, the cardinals of Lorraine and Bellay, Messieurs
+      de Guise, the Sieur de Birague, and other Italians, who at that time stood
+      well at court in consequence of the king&rsquo;s protection; the admiral,
+      Montgomery, the officers of the household, and certain poets, such as
+      Melin de St. Gelays, Philibert de l&rsquo;Orme, and the Sieur Brantome.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Perceiving the good man, the king, who knew his wit, said to him, with a
+      smile, after a short conversation—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Hast thou ever delivered a sermon to thy parishioners of Meudon?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Master Rabelais, thinking that the king was joking, since he had never
+      troubled himself further about his post than to collect the revenues
+      accruing from it, replied—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Sire, my listeners are in every place, and my sermon heard throughout
+      Christendom.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then glancing at all the courtiers, who, with the exception of Messieurs
+      du Bellay and Chatillon, considered him to be nothing but a learned
+      merry-andrew, while he was really the king of all wits, and a far better
+      king than he whose crown only the courtiers venerate, there came into the
+      good man&rsquo;s head the malicious idea to philosophically pump over their
+      heads, just as it pleased Gargantua to give the Parisians a bath from the
+      turrets of Notre Dame, so he added—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;If you are in a good humour, sire, I can regale you with a capital little
+      sermon, always appropriate, and which I have kept under the tympanum of my
+      left ear in order to deliver it in a fit place, by way of an aulic
+      parable.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Gentlemen,&rdquo; said the king, &ldquo;Master Francis Rabelais has the floor of the
+      court, and our salvation is concerned in his speech. Be silent, I pray
+      you, and give heed; he is fruitful in evangelical drolleries.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Sire,&rdquo; said the good vicar, &ldquo;I commence.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      All the courtiers became silent, and arranged themselves into a circle,
+      pliant as osiers before the father of Pantagruel who unfolded to them the
+      following tale, in words the illustrious eloquence of which it is
+      impossible to equal. But since this tale has only been verbally handed
+      down to us, the author will be pardoned if he write after his own fashion.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;In his old age Gargantua took to strange habits, which greatly astonished
+      his household, but the which he was forgiven since he was seven hundred
+      and four years old, in spite of the statement of St. Clement of Alexandra
+      in his Stromates, which makes out that at this time he was a quarter of a
+      day less, which matters little to us. Now this paternal master, seeing
+      that everything was going wrong in his house, and that every one was
+      fleecing him, conceived a great fear that he would in his last moments be
+      stripped of everything, and resolved to invent a more perfect system of
+      management in his domains, and he did well. In a cellar of Gargantuan
+      abode he hid away a fine heap of red wheat, beside twenty jars of mustard
+      and several delicacies, such as plums and Tourainian rolls, articles of a
+      dessert, Olivet cheese, goat cheese, and others, well known between
+      Langeais and Loches, pots of butter, hare pasties, preserved ducks, pigs&rsquo;
+      trotters in bran, boatloads and pots full of crushed peas, pretty little
+      pots of Orleans quince preserve, hogsheads of lampreys, measures of green
+      sauce, river game, such as francolins, teal, sheldrake, heron, and
+      flamingo, all preserved in sea-salt, dried raisins, tongues smoked in the
+      manner invented by Happe-Mousche, his celebrated ancestor, and sweetstuff
+      for Garga-melle on feast days; and a thousand other things which are
+      detailed in the records of the Ripuary laws and in certain folios of the
+      Capitularies, Pragmatics, royal establishments, ordinances and
+      institutions of the period. To be brief, the good man, putting his
+      spectacles on his nose or his nose in his spectacles, looked about for a
+      fine flying dragon or unicorn to whom the guard of this precious treasure
+      could be committed. With this thought in his head he strolled about the
+      gardens. He did not desire a Coquecigrue, because the Egyptians were
+      afraid of them, as it appeared in the Hieroglyphics. He dismissed the idea
+      of engaging the legions of Caucquemarres, because emperors disliked them
+      and also the Romans according to that sulky fellow Tacitus. He rejected
+      the Pechrocholiers in council assembled, the Magi, the Druids, the legion
+      or Papimania, and the Massorets, who grew like quelch-grass and over-ran
+      all the land, as he had been told by his son, Pantagruel, on his return
+      from his journey. The good man calling to mind old stories, had no
+      confidence in any race, and if it had been permissible would have implored
+      the Creator for a new one, but not daring to trouble Him about such
+      trifles, did not know whom to choose, and was thinking that his wealth
+      would be a great trouble to him, when he met in his path a pretty little
+      shrew-mouse of the noble race of shrew-mice, who bear all gules on an
+      azure ground. By the gods! be sure that it was a splendid animal, with the
+      finest tail of the whole family, and was strutting about in the sun like a
+      brave shrew-mouse. It was proud of having been in this world since the
+      Deluge, according to letters-patent of indisputable nobility, registered
+      by the parliament of the universe, since it appears from the Ecumenical
+      Inquiry a shrew-mouse was in Noah&rsquo;s Ark.&rdquo; Here Master Alcofribas raised
+      his cap slightly, and said, reverently, &ldquo;It was Noah, my lords, who
+      planted the vine, and first had the honour of getting drunk upon the juice
+      of its fruit.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;For it is certain,&rdquo; he continued, &ldquo;that a shrew-mouse was in the vessel
+      from which we all came; but the men have made bad marriages; not so the
+      mice, because they are more jealous of their coat of arms than any other
+      animals, and would not receive a field-mouse among them, even though he
+      had the especial gift of being able to convert grains of sand to fine
+      fresh hazelnuts. This fine gentlemanly character so pleased the good
+      Gargantua, that he decided to give the post of watching his granaries to
+      the shrew-mouse, with the most ample of powers—of justice,
+      comittimus, missi dominici, clergy, men-at-arms, and all. The shrew-mouse
+      promised faithfully to accomplish his task, and to do his duty as a loyal
+      beast, on condition that he lived on a heap of grain, which Gargantua
+      thought perfectly fair. The shrew-mouse began to caper about in his domain
+      as happy as a prince who is happy, reconnoitering his immense empire of
+      mustard, countries of sugar, provinces of ham, duchies of raisins,
+      counties of chitterlings, and baronies of all sorts, scrambling on to the
+      heap of grain and frisking his tail against everything. To be brief,
+      everywhere was the shrew-mouse received with honour by the pots, which
+      kept a respectful silence, except two golden tankards, which knocked
+      against each other like the bells of a church ringing a tocsin, at which
+      he was much pleased, and thanked them, right and left, by a nod of the
+      head, while promenading in the rays of the sun, which were illuminating
+      his domain. Therein so splendidly did the brown colour of his hair shine
+      forth, that one would have thought him a northern king in his sable furs.
+      After his twists, turns, jumps and capers, he munched two grains of corn,
+      sat upon the heap like a king in full court, and fancied himself the most
+      illustrious of shrew-mice. At this moment they came from their accustomed
+      holes the gentlemen of the night-prowling court, who scamper with their
+      little feet across the floors; these gentlemen being the rats, mice, and
+      other gnawing, thieving, and crafty animals, of whom the citizens and
+      housewives complain. When they saw the shrew-mouse they took fright, and
+      all remained shyly at the threshold of their dens. Among these common
+      people, in spite of the danger, one old infidel of the trotting, nibbling
+      race of mice, advanced a little, and putting his nose in the air, had the
+      courage to stare my lord shrew-mouse full in the face, although the latter
+      was proudly squatted upon his rump, with his tail in the air; and he came
+      to the conclusion that he was a devil, from whom nothing but scratches
+      were to be gained. And from these facts, Gargantua, in order that the high
+      authority of his lieutenant might be universally known by all of the
+      shrew-mice, cats, weasels, martins, field-mice, mice, rats, and other bad
+      characters of the same kidney, had lightly dipped his muzzle, pointed as a
+      larding pin, in oil of musk, which all shrew-mice have since inherited,
+      because this one, is spite of the sage advice of Gargantua, rubbed himself
+      against others of his breed. From this sprang the troubles in the
+      Muzaraignia of which I will give you a good account in an historical book
+      when I get an opportunity.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Then an old mouse, or rat—the rabbis of Talmud have not yet agreed
+      concerning the species—perceiving by this perfume that this
+      shrew-mouse was appointed to guard the grain of Gargantua, and had been
+      sprinkled with virtues, invested with full powers, and armed at all
+      points, was alarmed lest he should no longer be able to live, according to
+      the custom of mice, upon the meats, morsels, crusts, crumbs, leavings,
+      bits, atoms, and fragments of this Canaan of rats. In this dilemma the
+      good mouse, artful as an old courtier who had lived under two regencies
+      and three kings, resolved to try the mettle of the shrew-mouse, and devote
+      himself to the salvation of the jaws of his race. This would have been a
+      laudable thing in a man, but it was far more so in a mouse, belonging to a
+      tribe who live for themselves alone, barefacedly and shamelessly, and in
+      order to gratify themselves would defile a consecrated wafer, gnaw a
+      priest&rsquo;s stole without shame, and would drink out of a Communion cup,
+      caring nothing for God. The mouse advanced with many a bow and scrape, and
+      the shrew-mouse let him advance rather near—for, to tell the truth,
+      these animals are naturally short-sighted. Then this Curtius of nibblers
+      made his little speech, not the jargon of common mice, but in the polite
+      language of shrew-mice:—&lsquo;My lord, I have heard with much concern of
+      your glorious family, of which I am one of the most devoted slaves. I know
+      the legend of your ancestors, who were thought much of by the ancient
+      Egyptians, who held them in great veneration, and adored them like other
+      sacred birds. Nevertheless, your fur robe is so royally perfumed, and its
+      colour is so splendiferously tanned, that I am doubtful if I recognise you
+      as belonging to this race, since I have never seen any of them so
+      gloriously attired. However you have swallowed the grain after the antique
+      fashion. Your proboscis is a proboscis of sapience; you have kicked like a
+      learned shrew-mouse; but if you are a true shrew-mouse, you should have in
+      I know not what part of your ear—I know not what special auditorial
+      channel, which I know not, what wonderful door, closes I know not how, and
+      I know not with what movements, by your secret commands to give you, I
+      know not why, licence not to listen to I know not what things, which would
+      be displeasing to you, on account of the special and peculiar perfection
+      of your faculty of hearing everything, which would often pain you.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;True,&rsquo; said the shrew-mouse, &lsquo;the door has just fallen. I hear nothing!&rsquo;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;Ah, I see,&rsquo; said the old rogue.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And he made for the pile of corn, from which he commenced to take his
+      store for the winter.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;Did you hear anything?&rsquo; asked he.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;I hear the pit-a-pat of my heart.&rsquo;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;Kouick!&rsquo; cried all the mice; &lsquo;we shall be able to hoodwink him.&rsquo;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The shrew-mouse, fancying that he had met with a faithful vassal, opened
+      the trap of his musical orifice, and heard the noise of the grain going
+      towards the hole. Then, without having recourse to forfeiture, the justice
+      of commissaries, he sprang upon the old mouse and squeezed him to death.
+      Glorious death! for the hero died in the thick of the grain, and was
+      canonised as a martyr. The shrew-mouse took him by the ears and placed him
+      on the door the granary, after the fashion of the Ottoman Porte, where my
+      good Panurge was within an ace of being spitted. At the cries of the dying
+      wretch the rats, mice, and others made for their holes in great haste.
+      When the night had fallen they came to the cellar, convoked for the
+      purpose of holding a council to consider public affairs; to which meeting,
+      in virtue of the Papyrian and other laws, their lawful wives were
+      admitted. The rats wished to pass before the mice, and serious quarrels
+      about precedence nearly spoiled everything; but a big rat gave his arm to
+      a mouse, and the gaffer rats and gammer mice being paired off in the same
+      way, all were soon seated on their rumps, tails in air, muzzles stretched,
+      whiskers stiff, and their eyes brilliant as those of a falcon. Then
+      commenced a deliberation, which finished up with insults and a confusion
+      worthy of an ecumenical council of holy fathers. One said this and another
+      said that, and a cat passing by took fright and ran away, hearing these
+      strange noises: &lsquo;Bou, bou, grou, ou, ou, houic, houic, briff, briffnac,
+      nac, nac, fouix, fouix, trr, trr, trr, trr, za, za, zaaa, brr, brr, raaa,
+      ra, ra, ra, fouix!&rsquo; so well blended together in a babel of sound, that a
+      council at the Hotel de Ville could not have made a greater hubbub. During
+      this tempest a little mouse, who was not old enough to enter parliament,
+      thrust through a chink her inquiring snout, the hair on which was as downy
+      as that of all mice, too downy to be caught. As the tumult increased, by
+      degrees her body followed her nose, until she came to the hoop of a cask,
+      against which she so dextrously squatted that she might have been mistaken
+      for a work of art carved in antique bas-relief. Lifting his eyes to heaven
+      to implore a remedy for the misfortunes of the state, an old rat perceived
+      this pretty mouse, so gentle and shapely, and declared that the State
+      might be saved by her. All the muzzles turned to this Lady of Good Help,
+      became silent, and agreed to let her loose upon the shrew-mouse, and in
+      spite of the anger of certain envious mice, she was triumphantly marched
+      around the cellar, where, seeing her walk mincingly, mechanically move her
+      tail, shake her cunning little head, twitch her diaphanous ears, and lick
+      with her little red tongue the hairs just sprouting on her cheeks, the old
+      rats fell in love with her and wagged their wrinkled, white-whiskered jaws
+      with delight at the sight of her, as did formerly the old men of Troy,
+      admiring the lovely Helen, returning from her bath. Then the maiden was
+      conducted to the granary, with instructions to make a conquest of the
+      shrew-mouse&rsquo;s heart, and save the fine red grain, as did formerly the fair
+      Hebrew, Esther, for the chosen people, with the Emperor Ahasuerus, as is
+      written in the master-book, for Bible comes from the Greek word biblos, as
+      if to say the only book. The mouse promised to deliver the granaries, for
+      by a lucky chance she was the queen of mice, a fair, plump, pretty little
+      mouse, the most delicate little lady that ever scampered merrily across
+      the floors, scratched between the walls, and gave utterance to little
+      cries of joy at finding nuts, meal, and crumbs of bread in her path; a
+      true fay, pretty and playful, with an eye clear as crystal, a little head,
+      sleek skin, amorous body, rosy feet, and velvet tail—a high born
+      mouse and a polished speaker with a natural love of bed and idleness—a
+      merry mouse, more cunning than an old Doctor of Sorbonne fed on parchment,
+      lively, white bellied, streaked on the back, with sweet moulded breasts,
+      pearl-white teeth, and of a frank open nature—in fact, a true king&rsquo;s
+      morsel.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      This portraiture was so bold—the mouse appearing to have been the
+      living image of Madame Diana, then present—that the courtiers stood
+      aghast. Queen Catherine smiled, but the king was in no laughing humour.
+      But Rabelais went on without paying any attention to the winks of the
+      Cardinal Bellay and de Chatillon, who were terrified for the good man.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The pretty mouse,&rdquo; said he, continuing, &ldquo;did not beat long about the
+      bush, and from the first moment that she trotted before the shrew-mouse,
+      she had enslaved him for ever by her coquetries, affectations, friskings,
+      provocations, little refusals, piercing glances, and wiles of a maiden who
+      desires yet dares not, amorous oglings, little caresses, preparatory
+      tricks, pride of a mouse who knows her value, laughings and squeakings,
+      triflings and other endearments, feminine, treacherous and captivating
+      ways, all traps which are abundantly used by the females of all nations.
+      When, after many wrigglings, smacks in the face, nose lickings,
+      gallantries of amorous shrew-mice, frowns, sighs, serenades, titbits,
+      suppers and dinners on the pile of corn, and other attentions, the
+      superintendent overcame the scruples of his beautiful mistress, he became
+      the slave of this incestuous and illicit love, and the mouse, leading her
+      lord by the snout, became queen of everything, nibbled his cheese, ate the
+      sweets, and foraged everywhere. This the shrew-mouse permitted to the
+      empress of his heart, although he was ill at ease, having broken his oath
+      made to Gargantua, and betrayed the confidence placed in him. Pursuing her
+      advantage with the pertinacity of a woman, one night they were joking
+      together, the mouse remembered the dear old fellow her father, and
+      desiring that he should make his meals off the grain, she threatened to
+      leave her lover cold and lonely in his domain if he did not allow her to
+      indulge her filial piety. In the twinkling of a mouse&rsquo;s eye he had granted
+      letters patent, sealed with a green seal, with tags of crimson silk, to
+      his wench&rsquo;s father, so that the Gargantuan palace was open to him at all
+      hours, and he was at liberty see his good, virtuous daughter, kiss her on
+      the forehead, and eat his fill, but always in a corner. Then there arrived
+      a venerable old rat, weighing about twenty-five ounces, with a white tail,
+      marching like the president of a Court of Justice, wagging his head, and
+      followed by fifteen or twenty nephews, all with teeth as sharp as saws,
+      who demonstrated to the shrew-mouse by little speeches and questions of
+      all kinds that they, his relations, would soon be loyally attached to him,
+      and would help him to count the things committed to his charge, arrange
+      and ticket them, in order that when Gargantua came to visit them he would
+      find everything in perfect order. There was an air of truth about these
+      promises. The poor shrew-mouse was, however, in spite of this speech,
+      troubled by ideas from on high, and serious pricking of shrew-mousian
+      conscience. Seeing that he turned up his nose at everything, went about
+      slowly and with a careworn face, one morning the mouse who was pregnant by
+      him, conceived the idea of calming his doubts and easing his mind by a
+      Sorbonnical consultation, and sent for the doctors of his tribe. During
+      the day she introduced to him one, Sieur Evegault, who had just stepped
+      out of a cheese where he lived in perfect abstinence, an old confessor of
+      high degree, a merry fellow of good appearance, with a fine black skin,
+      firm as a rock, and slightly tonsured on the head by the pat of a cat&rsquo;s
+      claw. He was a grave rat, with a monastical paunch, having much studied
+      scientific authorities by nibbling at their works in parchments, papers,
+      books and volumes of which certain fragments had remained upon his grey
+      beard. In honour of and great reverence for his great virtue and wisdom,
+      and his modest life, he was accompanied by a black troop of black rats,
+      all bringing with them pretty little mice, their sweethearts, for not
+      having adopted the canons of the council of Chesil, it was lawful for them
+      to have respectable women for concubines. These beneficed rats, being
+      arranged in two lines, you might have fancied them a procession of the
+      university authorities going to Lendit. And they all began to sniff the
+      victuals.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;When the ceremony of placing them all was complete, the old cardinal of
+      the rats lifted up his voice, and in a good rat-latin oration pointed out
+      to the guardian of the grain that no one but God was superior to him; and
+      that to God alone he owed obedience, and he entertained him with many fine
+      phrases, stuffed with evangelical quotations, to disturb the principal and
+      fog his flock; in fact, fine argument interlarded with much sound sense.
+      The discourse finished with a peroration full of high sounding words in
+      honour of shrew-mice, among whom his hearer was the most illustrious and
+      best beneath the sun; and this oration considerably bewildered the keeper
+      of the granary.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;This good gentleman&rsquo;s head was thoroughly turned, and he installed this
+      fine speaking rat and his tribe in his manor, where night and day his
+      praises and little songs in his honour were sung, not forgetting his lady,
+      whose little paw was kissed and little tail was sniffed at by all.
+      Finally, the mistress, knowing that certain young rats were still fasting,
+      determined to finish her work. Then she kissed her lord tenderly, loading
+      him with love, and performing those little endearing antics of which one
+      alone was sufficient to send a beast to perdition; and said to the
+      shrew-mouse that he wasted the precious time due to their love by
+      travelling about, that he was always going here or there, and that she
+      never had her proper share of him; that when she wanted his society, he
+      was on the leads chasing the cats, and that she wished him always to be
+      ready to her hand like a lance, and kind as a bird. Then in her great
+      grief she tore out a grey hair, declaring herself, weepingly, to be the
+      most wretched little mouse in the world. The shrew-mouse pointed out to
+      her that she was the mistress of everything, and wished to resist, but
+      after the lady had shed a torrent of tears he implored a truce and
+      considered her request. Then instantly drying her tears, and giving him
+      her paw to kiss, she advised him to arm some soldiers, trusty and tried
+      rats, old warriors, who would go the rounds to keep watch. Everything was
+      thus wisely arranged. The shrew-mouse had the rest of the day to dance,
+      play, and amuse himself, listen to the roundelays and ballads which the
+      poets composed in his honour, play the lute and the mandore, make
+      acrostics, eat, drink and be merry. One day his mistress having just risen
+      from her confinement, after having given birth to the sweetest little
+      mouse-sorex or sorex-mouse, I know not what name was given to this mongrel
+      food of love, whom you may be sure, the gentlemen in the long robe would
+      manage to legitimise&rdquo; (the constable of Montmorency, who had married his
+      son to a legitimised bastard of the king&rsquo;s, here put his hand to his sword
+      and clutched the handle fiercely), &ldquo;a grand feast was given in the
+      granaries, to which no court festival or gala could be compared, not even
+      that of the Field of the Cloth of Gold. In every corner mice were making
+      merry. Everywhere there were dances, concerts, banquets, sarabands, music,
+      joyous songs, and epithalamia. The rats had broken open the pots, and
+      uncovered the jars, lapped the gallipots, and unpacked the stores. The
+      mustard was strewn over the place, the hams were mangled and the corn
+      scattered. Everything was rolling, tumbling, and falling about the floor,
+      and the little rats dabbled in puddles of green sauce, the mice navigated
+      oceans of sweetmeats, and the old folks carried off the pasties. There
+      were mice astride salt tongues. Field-mice were swimming in the pots, and
+      the most cunning of them were carrying the corn into their private holes,
+      profiting by the confusion to make ample provision for themselves. No one
+      passed the quince confection of Orleans without saluting it with one
+      nibble, and oftener with two. It was like a Roman carnival. In short,
+      anyone with a sharp ear might have heard the frizzling frying-pans, the
+      cries and clamours of the kitchens, the crackling of their furnaces, the
+      noise of the turnspits, the creaking of baskets, the haste of the
+      confectioners, the click of the meat-jacks, and the noise of the little
+      feet scampering thick as hail over the floor. It was a bustling
+      wedding-feast, where people come and go, footmen, stablemen, cooks,
+      musicians, buffoons, where everyone pays compliments and makes a noise. In
+      short, so great was the delight that they kept up a general wagging of the
+      head to celebrate this eventful night. But suddenly there was heard the
+      horrible foot-fall of Gargantua, who was ascending the stairs of his house
+      to visit the granaries, and made the planks, the beams, and everything
+      else tremble. Certain old rats asked each other what might mean this
+      seignorial footstep, with which they were unacquainted, and some of them
+      decamped, and they did well, for the lord and master entered suddenly.
+      Perceiving the confusion these gentleman had made, seeing his preserves
+      eaten, his mustard unpacked, and everything dirtied and scratched about,
+      he put his feet upon these lively vermin without giving them time to
+      squeak, and thus spoiled their best clothes, satins, pearls, velvets, and
+      rubbish, and upset the feast.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And what became of the shrew-mouse?&rdquo; said the king, waking from his
+      reverie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah, sire!&rdquo; replied Rabelais, &ldquo;herein we see the injustice of the
+      Gargantuan tribe. He was put to death, but being a gentleman he was
+      beheaded. That was ill done, for he had been betrayed.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You go rather far, my good man,&rdquo; said the king.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No sire,&rdquo; replied Rabelais, &ldquo;but rather high. Have you not sunk the crown
+      beneath the pulpit? You asked me for a sermon; I have given you one which
+      is gospel.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My fine vicar,&rdquo; said Madame Diana, in his ear, &ldquo;suppose I were spiteful?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Madame,&rdquo; said Rabelais, &ldquo;was it not well then of me to warn the king,
+      your master, against the queen&rsquo;s Italians, who are as plentiful here as
+      cockchafers?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Poor preacher,&rdquo; said Cardinal Odet, in his ear, &ldquo;go to another country.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! monsieur,&rdquo; replied the old fellow, &ldquo;ere long I shall be in another
+      land.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;God&rsquo;s truth! Mr. Scribbler,&rdquo; said the constable (whose son, as everyone
+      knows, had treacherously deserted Mademoiselle de Piennes, to whom he was
+      betrothed, to espouse Diana of France, daughter of the mistress of certain
+      high personages and of the king), &ldquo;who made thee so bold as to slander
+      persons of quality? Ah, wretched poet, you like to raise yourself high;
+      well then, I promise to put you in a good high place.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;We shall all go there, my lord constable,&rdquo; replied the old man: &ldquo;but if
+      you are friendly to the state and to the king you will thank me for having
+      warned him against the hordes of Lorraine, who are evils that will devour
+      everything.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My good man,&rdquo; whispered Cardinal Charles of Lorraine, &ldquo;if you need a few
+      gold crowns to publish your fifth book of Pantagruel you can come to me
+      for them, because you have put the case clearly to the enemy, who has
+      bewitched the king, and also to her pack.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well, gentlemen,&rdquo; said the king, &ldquo;what do you think of the sermon?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Sire,&rdquo; said Mellin de Saint-Gelais, seeing that all were well pleased, &ldquo;I
+      had never heard a better Pantagruelian prognostication. Much do we owe to
+      him who made these leonine verses in the Abbey of Theleme:—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &lsquo;&ldquo;Cy vous entrez, qui le saint Evangile En sens agile annoncez, quoy qu&rsquo;on
+      gronde, Ceans aurez une refuge et bastile, Contre l&rsquo;hostile erreur qui
+      tant postille Par son faux style empoisonner le monde.&rsquo;&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      [&rsquo;&rdquo;Should ye who enter here profess in jubilation Our gospel of elation,
+      then suffer dolts to curse! Here refuge shall ye find, and sure
+      circumvallation Against the protestation of those whose delectation Brings
+      false abomination to blight the universe.&rsquo;&rdquo;]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      All the courtiers having applauded their companion, each one complimented
+      Rabelais, who took his departure accompanied with great honour by the
+      king&rsquo;s pages, who, by express command held torches before him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Some persons have charged Francis Rabelais, the imperial honour of our
+      land, with spiteful tricks and apish pranks, unworthy of his Homeric
+      philosophy, of this prince of wisdom of this fatherly centre, from which
+      have issued since the rising of his subterranean light a good number of
+      marvellous works. Out upon those who would defile this divine head! All
+      their life long may they find grit between their teeth, those who have
+      ignored his good and moderate nourishment.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Dear drinker of pure water, faithful servant or monachal abstinence,
+      wisest of wise men, how would thy sides ache with laughter, how wouldst
+      thou chuckle, if thou couldst come again for a little while to Chinon, and
+      read the idiotic mouthings, and the maniacal babble of the fools who have
+      interpreted, commentated, torn, disgraced, misunderstood, betrayed,
+      defiled, adulterated and meddled with thy peerless book. As many dogs as
+      Panurge found busy with his lady&rsquo;s robe at church, so many two-legged
+      academic puppies have busied themselves with befouling the high marble
+      pyramid in which is cemented for ever the seed of all fantastic and comic
+      inventions, besides magnificent instruction in all things. Although rare
+      are the pilgrims who have the breath to follow thy bark in its sublime
+      peregrination through the ocean of ideas, methods, varieties, religions,
+      wisdom, and human trickeries, at least their worship is unalloyed, pure,
+      and unadulterated, and thine omnipotence, omniscience, and omni-language
+      are by them bravely recognised. Therefore has a poor son of our merry
+      Touraine here been anxious, however unworthily, to do thee homage by
+      magnifying thine image, and glorifying the works of eternal memory, so
+      cherished by those who love the concentrative works wherein the universal
+      moral is contained, wherein are found, pressed like sardines in their
+      boxes, philosophical ideas on every subject, science, art and eloquence,
+      as well as theatrical mummeries.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0029" id="link2H_4_0029">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE SUCCUBUS
+    </h2>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      Prologue
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      A number of persons of the noble country of Touraine, considerably edified
+      by the warm search which the author is making into the antiquities,
+      adventures, good jokes, and pretty tales of that blessed land, and
+      believing for certain that he should know everything, have asked him
+      (after drinking with him of course understood), if he had discovered the
+      etymological reason, concerning which all the ladies of the town are so
+      curious, and from which a certain street in Tours is called the Rue
+      Chaude. By him it was replied, that he was much astonished to see that the
+      ancient inhabitants had forgotten the great number of convents situated in
+      this street, where the severe continence of the monks and nuns might have
+      caused the walls to be made so hot that some woman of position should
+      increase in size from walking too slowly along them to vespers. A
+      troublesome fellow, wishing to appear learned, declared that formerly all
+      the scandalmongers of the neighbourhood were wont to meet in this place.
+      Another entangled himself in the minute suffrages of science, and poured
+      forth golden words without being understood, qualifying words, harmonising
+      the melodies of the ancient and modern, congregating customs, distilling
+      verbs, alchemising all languages since the Deluge, of the Hebrew,
+      Chaldeans, Egyptians, Greeks, Latins, and of Turnus, the ancient founder
+      of Tours; and the good man finished by declaring that chaude or chaulde
+      with the exception of the H and the L, came from Cauda, and that there was
+      a tail in the affair, but the ladies only understood the end of it. An old
+      man observed that in this same place was formerly a source of thermal
+      water, of which his great great grandfather had drunk. In short, in less
+      time than it takes a fly to embrace its sweetheart, there had been a
+      pocketful of etymologies, in which the truth of the matter had been less
+      easily found than a louse in the filthy beard of a Capuchin friar. But a
+      man well learned and well informed, through having left his footprint in
+      many monasteries, consumed much midnight oil, and manured his brain with
+      many a volume —himself more encumbered with pieces, dyptic
+      fragments, boxes, charters, and registers concerning the history of
+      Touraine than is a gleaner with stalks of straw in the month of August—this
+      man, old, infirm, and gouty, who had been drinking in his corner without
+      saying a word, smiled the smile of a wise man and knitted his brows, the
+      said smile finally resolving itself into a pish! well articulated, which
+      the Author heard and understood it to be big with an adventure
+      historically good, the delights of which he would be able to unfold in
+      this sweet collection.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      To be brief, on the morrow this gouty old fellow said to him, &ldquo;By your
+      poem, which is called &lsquo;The Venial Sin,&rsquo; you have forever gained my esteem,
+      because everything therein is true from head to foot—which I believe
+      to be a precious superabundance in such matters. But doubtless you do not
+      know what became of the Moor placed in religion by the said knight, Bruyn
+      de la Roche-Corbon. I know very well. Now if this etymology of the street
+      harass you, and also the Egyptian nun, I will lend you a curious and
+      antique parchment, found by me in the Olim of the episcopal palace, of
+      which the libraries were a little knocked about at a period when none of
+      us knew if he would have the pleasure of his head&rsquo;s society on the morrow.
+      Now will not this yield you a perfect contentment?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Good!&rdquo; said the author.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then this worthy collector of truths gave certain rare and dusty
+      parchments to the author, the which he has, not without great labour,
+      translated into French, and which were fragments of a most ancient
+      ecclesiastical process. He has believed that nothing would be more amusing
+      than the actual resurrection of this antique affair, wherein shines forth
+      the illiterate simplicity of the good old times. Now, then, give ear. This
+      is the order in which were the manuscripts, of which the author has made
+      use in his own fashion, because the language was devilishly difficult.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      I WHAT THE SUCCUBUS WAS.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <i>In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.</i>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In the year of our Lord, one thousand two hundred and seventy-one, before
+      me, Hierome Cornille, grand inquisitor and ecclesiastical judge (thereto
+      commissioned by the members of the chapter of Saint Maurice, the cathedral
+      of Tours, having of this deliberated in the presence of our Lord Jean de
+      Montsoreau, archbishop—namely, the grievances and complaints of the
+      inhabitants of the said town, whose request is here subjoined), have
+      appeared certain noblemen, citizens, and inhabitants of the diocese, who
+      have stated the following facts concerning a demon suspected of having
+      taken the features of a woman, who has much afflicted the minds of the
+      diocese, and is at present a prisoner in the jail of the chapter; and in
+      order to arrive at the truth of the said charge we have opened the present
+      court, this Monday, the eleventh day of December, after mass, to
+      communicate the evidence of each witness to the said demon, to interrogate
+      her upon the said crimes to her imputed, and to judge her according to the
+      laws enforced <i>contra demonios</i>.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In this inquiry has assisted me to write the evidence therein given,
+      Guillaume Tournebouche, rubrican of the chapter, a learned man.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Firstly has come before us one Jehan, surnamed Tortebras, a citizen of
+      Tours, keeping by licence the hostelry of La Cigoyne, situated on the
+      Place du Pont, and who has sworn by the salvation of his soul, his hand
+      upon the holy Evangelists, to state no other thing than that which by
+      himself hath been seen and heard.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He hath stated as here followeth:—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I declare that about two years before the feast of St. Jehan, upon which
+      are the grand illuminations, a gentleman, at first unknown to me, but
+      belonging without doubt to our lord the King, and at that time returned to
+      our country from the Holy Land, came to me with the proposition that I
+      should let to him at rental a certain country-house by me built, in the
+      quit rent of the chapter over against the place called of St. Etienne, and
+      the which I let to him for nine years, for the consideration of three
+      besans of fine gold. In the said house was placed by the said knight a
+      fair wench having the appearance of a woman, dressed in the strange
+      fashion of the Saracens Mohammedans, whom he would allow by none to be
+      seen or to be approached within a bow-shot, but whom I have seen with mine
+      own eyes, weird feathers upon her head, and eyes so flaming that I cannot
+      adequately describe them, and from which gleamed forth a fire of hell. The
+      defunct knight having threatened with death whoever should appear to spy
+      about the said house, I have by reason of great fear left the said house,
+      and I have until this day secretly kept to my mind certain presumptions
+      and doubts concerning the bad appearance of the said foreigner, who was
+      more strange than any woman, her equal not having as yet by me been seen.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Many persons of all conditions having at the time believed the said
+      knight to be dead, but kept upon his feet by virtue of the said charms,
+      philters, spells, and diabolical sorceries of this seeming woman, who
+      wished to settle in our country, I declare that I have always seen the
+      said knight so ghastly pale that I can only compare his face to the wax of
+      a Paschal candle, and to the knowledge of all the people of the hostelry
+      of La Cigoyne, this knight was interred nine days after his first coming.
+      According to the statement of his groom, the defunct had been chalorously
+      coupled with the said Moorish woman during seven whole days shut up in my
+      house, without coming out from her, the which I heard him horribly avow
+      upon his deathbed. Certain persons at the present time have accused this
+      she-devil of holding the said gentleman in her clutches by her long hair,
+      the which was furnished with certain warm properties by means of which are
+      communicated to Christians the flames of hell in the form of love, which
+      work in them until their souls are by this means drawn from their bodies
+      and possessed by Satan. But I declare that I have seen nothing of this
+      excepting the said dead knight, bowelless, emaciated, wishing, in spite of
+      his confessor, still to go to this wench; and then he has been recognised
+      as the lord de Bueil, who was a crusader, and who was, according to
+      certain persons of the town, under the spell of a demon whom he had met in
+      the Asiatic country of Damascus or elsewhere.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Afterwards I have let my house to the said unknown lady, according to the
+      clauses of the deed of lease. The said lord of Bueil, being defunct, I had
+      nevertheless been into my house in order to learn from the said foreign
+      woman if she wished to remain in my dwelling, and after great trouble was
+      led before her by a strange, half-naked black man, whose eyes were white.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Then I have seen the said Moorish woman in a little room, shining with
+      gold and jewels, lighted with strange lights, upon an Asiatic carpet,
+      where she was seated, lightly attired, with another gentleman, who was
+      there imperiling his soul; and I had not the heart bold enough to look
+      upon her, seeing that her eyes would have incited me immediately to yield
+      myself up to her, for already her voice thrilled into my very belly,
+      filled my brain, and debauched my mind. Finding this, from the fear of
+      God, and also of hell, I have departed with swift feet, leaving my house
+      to her as long as she liked to retain it, so dangerous was it to behold
+      that Moorish complexion from which radiated diabolical heats, besides a
+      foot smaller than it was lawful in a real woman to possess; and to hear
+      her voice, which pierced into one&rsquo;s heart! And from that day I have lacked
+      the courage to enter my house from great fear of falling into hell. I have
+      said my say.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      To the said Tortebras we have then shown an Abyssinian, Nubian or
+      Ethiopian, who, black from head to foot, had been found wanting in certain
+      virile properties with which all good Christians are usually furnished,
+      who, having persevered in his silence, after having been tormented and
+      tortured many times, not without much moaning, has persisted in being
+      unable to speak the language of our country. And the said Tortebras has
+      recognised the said Abyss heretic as having been in his house in company
+      with the said demoniacal spirit, and is suspected of having lent his aid
+      to her sorcery.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      And the said Tortebras has confessed his great faith in the Catholic
+      religion, and declared no other things to be within his knowledge save
+      certain rumours which were known to every one, of which he had been in no
+      way a witness except in the hearing of them.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In obedience to the citations served upon him, has appeared then, Matthew,
+      surname Cognefestu, a day-labourer of St. Etienne, whom, after having
+      sworn by the holy Evangelists to speak the truth, has confessed to us
+      always to have seen a bright light in the dwelling of the said foreign
+      woman, and heard much wild and diabolical laughter on the days and nights
+      of feasts and fasts, notably during the days of the holy and Christmas
+      weeks, as if a great number of people were in the house. And he has sworn
+      to have seen by the windows of the said dwellings, green buds of all kinds
+      in the winter, growing as if by magic, especially roses in a time of
+      frost, and other things for which there was a need of a great heat; but of
+      this he was in no way astonished, seeing that the said foreigner threw out
+      so much heat that when she walked in the evening by the side of his wall
+      he found on the morrow his salad grown; and on certain occasions she had
+      by the touching of her petticoats, caused the trees to put forth leaves
+      and hasten the buds. Finally, the said, Cognefestu has declared to us to
+      know no more, because he worked from early morning, and went to bed at the
+      same hour as the fowls.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Afterwards the wife of the aforesaid Cognefestu has by us been required to
+      state also upon oath the things come to her cognisance in this process,
+      and has avowed naught save praises of the said foreigner, because since
+      her coming her man had treated her better in consequence of the
+      neighbourhood of this good lady, who filled the air with love, as the sun
+      did light, and other incongruous nonsense, which we have not committed to
+      writing.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      To the said Cognefestu and to his wife we have shown the said unknown
+      African, who has been seen by them in the gardens of the house, and is
+      stated by them for certain to belong to the said demon. In the third
+      place, has advanced Harduin V., lord of Maille, who being by us
+      reverentially begged to enlighten the religion of the church, has
+      expressed his willingness so to do, and has, moreover, engaged his word,
+      as a gallant knight, to say no other thing than that which he has seen.
+      Then he has testified to have known in the army of the Crusades the demon
+      in question, and in the town of Damascus to have seen the knight of Bueil,
+      since defunct, fight at close quarters to be her sole possessor. The
+      above-mentioned wench, or demon, belonged at that time to the knight
+      Geoffroy IV., Lord of Roche-Pozay, by whom she was said to have been
+      brought from Touraine, although she was a Saracen; concerning which the
+      knights of France marvelled much, as well as at her beauty, which made a
+      great noise and a thousand scandalous ravages in the camp. During the
+      voyage this wench was the cause of many deaths, seeing that Roche-Pozay
+      had already discomfited certain Crusaders, who wished to keep her to
+      themselves, because she shed, according to certain knights petted by her
+      in secret, joys around her comparable to none others. But in the end the
+      knight of Bueil, having killed Geoffroy de la Roche-Pozay, became lord and
+      master of this young murderess, and placed her in a convent, or harem,
+      according to the Saracen custom. About this time one used to see her and
+      hear her chattering as entertainment many foreign dialects, such as the
+      Greek or the Latin empire, Moorish, and, above all, French better than any
+      of those who knew the language of France best in the Christian host, from
+      which sprang the belief that she was demoniacal.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The said knight Harduin has confessed to us not to have tilted for her in
+      the Holy Land, not from fear, coldness or other cause, so much as that he
+      believed the time had arrived for him to bear away a portion of the true
+      cross, and also he had belonging to him a noble lady of the Greek country,
+      who saved him from this danger in denuding him of love, morning and night,
+      seeing that she took all of it substantially from him, leaving him none in
+      his heart or elsewhere for others.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      And the said knight has assured us that the woman living in the country
+      house of Tortebras, was really the said Saracen woman, come into the
+      country from Syria, because he had been invited to a midnight feast at her
+      house by the young Lord of Croixmare, who expired the seventh day
+      afterwards, according to the statement of the Dame de Croixmare, his
+      mother, ruined all points by the said wench, whose commerce with him had
+      consumed his vital spirit, and whose strange phantasies had squandered his
+      fortune.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Afterwards questioned in his quality of a man full of prudence, wisdom and
+      authority in this country, upon the ideas entertained concerning the said
+      woman, and summoned by us to open his conscience, seeing that it was a
+      question of a most abominable case of Christian faith and divine justice,
+      answer has been made by the said knight:—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      That by certain of the host of Crusaders it has been stated to him that
+      always this she-devil was a maid to him who embraced her, and that Mammon
+      was for certain occupied in her, making for her a new virtue for each of
+      her lovers, and a thousand other foolish sayings of drunken men, which
+      were not of a nature to form a fifth gospel. But for a fact, he, an old
+      knight on that turn of life, and knowing nothing more of the aforesaid,
+      felt himself again a young man in that last supper with which he had been
+      regaled by the lord of Croixmare; then the voice of this demon went
+      straight to his heart before flowing into his ears, and had awakened so
+      great a love in his body that his life was ebbing from the place whence it
+      should flow, and that eventually, but for the assistance of Cyprus wine,
+      which he had drunk to blind his sight, and his getting under the table in
+      order no longer to gaze upon the fiery eyes of his diabolical hostess, and
+      not to rend his heart from her, without doubt he would have fought the
+      young Croixmare, in order to enjoy for a single moment this supernatural
+      woman. Since then he had had absolution from his confessor for the wicked
+      thought. Then, by advice from on high, he had carried back to his house
+      his portion of the true Cross, and had remained in his own manor, where,
+      in spite of his Christian precautions, the said voice still at certain
+      times tickled his brain, and in the morning often had he in remembrance
+      this demon, warm as brimstone; and because the look of this wench was so
+      warm that it made him burn like a young man, be half dead, and because it
+      cost him then many transshipments of the vital spirit, the said knight has
+      requested us not to confront him with the empress of love to whom, if it
+      were not the devil, God the Father had granted strange liberties with the
+      minds of men. Afterwards, he retired, after reading over his statement,
+      not without having first recognised the above-mentioned African to be the
+      servant and page of the lady.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In the fourth place, upon the faith pledged in us in the name of the
+      Chapter and of our Lord Archbishop, that he should not be tormented,
+      tortured, nor harassed in any manner, nor further cited after his
+      statement, in consequence of his commercial journeys, and upon the
+      assurance that he should retire in perfect freedom, has come before us a
+      Jew, Salomon al Rastchid, who, in spite of the infamy of his person and
+      his Judaism, has been heard by us to this one end, to know everything
+      concerning the conduct of the aforesaid demon. Thus he has not been
+      required to take any oath this Salomon, seeing that he is beyond the pale
+      of the Church, separated from us by the blood of our saviour (trucidatus
+      Salvatore inter nos). Interrogated by us as to why he appeared without the
+      green cap upon his head, and the yellow wheel in the apparent locality of
+      the heart in his garment, according to the ecclesiastical and royal
+      ordinances, the said de Rastchid has exhibited to us letters patent of the
+      seneschal of Touraine and Poitou. Then the said Jew has declared to us to
+      have done a large business for the lady dwelling in the house of the
+      innkeeper Tortebras, to have sold to her golden chandeliers, with many
+      branches, minutely engraved, plates of red silver, cups enriched with
+      stones, emeralds and rubies; to have brought for her from the Levant a
+      number of rare stuffs, Persian carpets, silks, and fine linen; in fact,
+      things so magnificent that no queen in Christendom could say she was so
+      well furnished with jewels and household goods; and that he had for his
+      part received from her three hundred thousand pounds for the rarity of the
+      purchases in which he had been employed, such as Indian flowers,
+      poppingjays, birds&rsquo; feathers, spices, Greek wines, and diamonds. Requested
+      by us, the judge, to say if he had furnished certain ingredients of
+      magical conjuration, the blood of new-born children, conjuring books, and
+      things generally and whatsoever made use of by sorcerers, giving him
+      licence to state his case without that thereupon he should be the subject
+      to any further inquest or inquiry, the said al Rastchid has sworn by his
+      Hebrew faith never to have had any such commerce; and has stated that he
+      was involved in too high interests to give himself to such miseries,
+      seeing that he was the agent of certain most powerful lords, such as the
+      Marquis de Montferrat, the King of England, the King of Cyprus and
+      Jerusalem, the Court of Provence, lords of Venice, and many German
+      gentleman; to have belonging to him merchant galleys of all kinds, going
+      into Egypt with the permission of the Sultan, and he trafficking in
+      precious articles of silver and of gold, which took him often into the
+      exchange of Tours. Moreover, he has declared that he considered the said
+      lady, the subject of inquiry, to be a right royal and natural woman, with
+      the sweetest limbs, and the smallest he has ever seen. That in consequence
+      of her renown for a diabolical spirit, pushed by a wild imagination, and
+      also because that he was smitten with her, he had heard once that she was
+      husbandless, proposed to her to be her gallant, to which proposition she
+      willingly acceded. Now, although from that night he felt his bones
+      disjointed and his bowels crushed, he had not yet experienced, as certain
+      persons say, that who once yielded was free no more; he went to his fate
+      as lead into the crucible of the alchemist. Then the said Salomon, to whom
+      we have granted his liberty according to the safe conduct, in spite of the
+      statement, which proves abundantly his commerce with the devil, because he
+      had been saved there where all Christians have succumbed, has admitted to
+      us an agreement concerning the said demon. To make known that he had made
+      an offer to the chapter of the cathedral to give for the said semblance of
+      a woman such a ransom, if she were condemned to be burned alive, that the
+      highest of the towers of the Church of St. Maurice, at present in course
+      of construction, could therewith be finished.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The which we have noted to be deliberated upon at an opportune time by the
+      assembled chapter. And the said Salomon has taken his departure without
+      being willing to indicate his residence, and has told us that he can be
+      informed of the deliberation of the chapter by a Jew of the synagogue of
+      Tours, a name Tobias Nathaneus. The said Jew has before his departure been
+      shown the African, and has recognised him as the page of the demon, and
+      has stated the Saracens to have the custom of mutilating their slaves
+      thus, to commit to them the task of guarding their women by an ancient
+      usage, as it appears in the profane histories of Narsez, general of
+      Constantinople, and others.
+    </p>
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/333s.jpg" alt="333s " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h4>
+      <a href="images/333.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a
+      href="images/333m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a>
+    </h4>
+    <p>
+      On the morrow after mass has appeared before us the most noble and
+      illustrious lady of Croixmare. The same has worn her faith in the holy
+      Evangelists, and has related to us with tears how she had placed her
+      eldest son beneath the earth, dead by reason of his extravagant amours
+      with this female demon. The which noble gentleman was three-and-twenty
+      years of age; of good complexion, very manly and well bearded like his
+      defunct sire. Notwithstanding his great vigour, in ninety days he had
+      little by little withered, ruined by his commerce with the succubus of the
+      Rue Chaude, according to the statement of the common people; and her
+      maternal authority over the son had been powerless. Finally in his latter
+      days he appeared like a poor dried up worm, such as housekeepers meet with
+      in a corner when they clean out the dwelling-rooms. And always, so long as
+      he had the strength to go, he went to shorten his life with this cursed
+      woman; where, also, he emptied his cash-box. When he was in his bed, and
+      knew his last hour had come, he swore at, cursed, and threatened and
+      heaped upon all—his sister, his brother, and upon her his mother—a
+      thousand insults, rebelled in the face of the chaplain; denied God, and
+      wished to die in damnation; at which were much afflicted the retainers of
+      the family, who, to save his soul and pluck it from hell, have founded two
+      annual masses in the cathedral. And in order to have him buried in
+      consecrated ground, the house of Croixmare has undertaken to give to the
+      chapter, during one hundred years, the wax candles for the chapels and the
+      church, upon the day of the Paschal feast. And, in conclusion, saving the
+      wicked words heard by the reverend person, Dom Loys Pot, a nun of
+      Marmoustiers, who came to assist in his last hours the said Baron de
+      Croixmaire affirms never to have heard any words offered by the defunct,
+      touching the demon who had undone him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      And therewith has retired the noble and illustrious lady in deep mourning.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In the sixth place has appeared before us, after adjournment, Jacquette,
+      called Vieux-Oing, a kitchen scullion, going to houses to wash dishes,
+      residing at present in the Fishmarket, who, after having placed her word
+      to say nothing she did not hold to be true, has declared as here follows:—Namely,
+      that one day she, being come into the kitchen of the said demon, of whom
+      she had no fear, because she was wont to regale herself only upon males,
+      she had the opportunity of seeing in the garden this female demon,
+      superbly attired, walking in company with a knight, with whom she was
+      laughing, like a natural woman. Then she had recognised in this demon that
+      true likeness of the Moorish woman placed as a nun in the convent of Notre
+      Dame de l&rsquo;Egrignolles by the defunct seneschal of Touraine and Poitou,
+      Messire Bruyn, Count of Roche-Corbon, the which Moorish woman had been
+      left in the situation and place of the image of our Lady the Virgin, the
+      mother of our Blessed Saviour, stolen by the Egyptians about eighteen
+      years since. Of this time, in consequence of the troubles come about in
+      Touraine, no record has been kept. This girl, aged about twelve years, was
+      saved from the stake at which she would have been burned by being
+      baptised; and the said defunct and his wife had then been godfather and
+      godmother to this child of hell. Being at that time laundress at the
+      convent, she who bears witness has remembrance of the flight which the
+      said Egyptian took twenty months after her entry into the convent, so
+      subtilely that it has never been known how or by what means she escaped.
+      At that time it was thought by all, that with the devil&rsquo;s aid she had
+      flown away in the air, seeing that not withstanding much search, no trace
+      of her flight was found in the convent, where everything remained in its
+      accustomed order.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The African having been shown to the said scullion, she has declared not
+      to have seen him before, although she was curious to do so, as he was
+      commissioned to guard the place in which the Moorish woman combated with
+      those whom she drained through the spigot.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In the seventh place has been brought before us Hugues de Fou, son of the
+      Sieur de Bridore, who, aged twenty years, has been placed in the hands of
+      his father, under caution of his estates, and by him is represented in
+      this process, whom it concerns if should be duly attained and convicted of
+      having, assisted by several unknown and bad young men, laid siege to the
+      jail of the archbishop and of the chapter, and of having lent himself to
+      disturb the force of ecclesiastical justice, by causing the escape of the
+      demon now under consideration. In spite of the evil disposition we have
+      commanded the said Hugues de Fou to testify truly, touching the things he
+      should know concerning the said demon, with whom he is vehemently reputed
+      to have had commerce, pointing out to him that it was a question of his
+      salvation and of the life of the said demon. He, after having taken the
+      oath, he said:—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I swear by my eternal salvation, and by the holy Evangelists here present
+      under my hand, to hold the woman suspected of being a demon to be an
+      angel, a perfect woman, and even more so in mind than in body, living in
+      all honesty, full of the migniard charms and delights of love, in no way
+      wicked, but most generous, assisting greatly the poor and suffering. I
+      declare that I have seen her weeping veritable tears for the death of my
+      friend, the knight of Croixmare. And because on that day she had made a
+      vow to our Lady the Virgin no more to receive the love of young noblemen
+      too weak in her service; she has to me constantly and with great courage
+      denied the enjoyment of her body, and has only granted to me love, and the
+      possession of her heart, of which she has made sovereign. Since this
+      gracious gift, in spite of my increasing flame I have remained alone in
+      her dwelling, where I have spent the greater part of my days, happy in
+      seeing and in hearing her. Oh! I would eat near her, partake of the air
+      which entered into her lungs, of the light which shone in her sweet eyes,
+      and found in this occupation more joy than have the lords of paradise.
+      Elected by me to be forever my lady, chosen to be one day my dove, my
+      wife, and only sweetheart, I, poor fool, have received from her no
+      advances on the joys of the future, but, on the contrary, a thousand
+      virtuous admonitions; such as that I should acquire renown as a good
+      knight, become a strong man and a fine one, fear nothing except God;
+      honour the ladies, serve but one and love them in memory of that one; that
+      when I should be strengthened by the work of war, if her heart still
+      pleased mine, at that time only would she be mine, because she would be
+      able to wait for me, loving me so much.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      So saying the young Sire Hugues wept, and weeping, added:—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;That thinking of this graceful and feeble woman, whose arms seemed
+      scarcely large enough to sustain the light weight of her golden chains, he
+      did not know how to contain himself while fancying the irons which would
+      wound her, and the miseries with which she would traitorously be loaded,
+      and from this cause came his rebellion. And that he had licence to express
+      his sorrow before justice, because his life was so bound up with that of
+      his delicious mistress and sweetheart that on the day when evil came to
+      her he would surely die.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And the same young man has vociferated a thousand other praises of the
+      said demon, which bear witness to the vehement sorcery practised upon him,
+      and prove, moreover, the abominable, unalterable, and incurable life and
+      the fraudulent witcheries to which he is at present subject, concerning
+      which our lord the archbishop will judge, in order to save by exorcisms
+      and penitences this young soul from the snares of hell, if the devil has
+      not gained too strong a hold of it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then we have handed back the said young nobleman into the custody of the
+      noble lord his father, after that by the said Hugues, the African has been
+      recognised as the servant of the accused.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In the eighth place, before us, have the footguards of our lord the
+      archbishop led in great state the MOST HIGH AND REVEREND LADY JACQUELINE
+      DE CHAMPCHEVRIER, ABBESS OF THE CONVENT OF NOTRE-DAME, under the
+      invocation of Mount Carmel, to whose control has been submitted by the
+      late seneschal of Touraine, father of Monseigneur the Count of
+      Roche-Corbon, present advocate of the said convent, the Egyptian, named at
+      the baptismal font Blanche Bruyn.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      To the said abbess we have shortly stated the present cause, in which is
+      involved the holy church, the glory of God, and the eternal future of the
+      people of the diocese afflicted with a demon, and also the life of a
+      creature who it was possible might be quite innocent. Then the cause
+      elaborated, we have requested the said noble abbess to testify that which
+      was within her knowledge concerning the magical disappearance of her
+      daughter in God, Blanche Bruyn, espoused by our Saviour under the name of
+      Sister Clare.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then has stated the very high, very noble, and very illustrious lady
+      abbess as follows:—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The Sister Clare, of origin to her unknown, but suspected to be of an
+      heretic father and mother, people inimical to God, has truly been placed
+      in religion in the convent of which the government had canonically come to
+      her in spite of her unworthiness; that the said sister had properly
+      concluded her noviciate, and made her vows according to the holy rule of
+      the order. That the vows taken, she had fallen into great sadness, and had
+      much drooped. Interrogated by her, the abbess, concerning her melancholy
+      malady, the said sister had replied with tears that she herself did not
+      know the cause. That one thousand and one tears engendered themselves in
+      her at feeling no more her splendid hair upon her head; that besides this
+      she thirsted for air, and could not resist her desire to jump up into the
+      trees, to climb and tumble about according to her wont during her open air
+      life; that she passed her nights in tears, dreaming of the forests under
+      the leaves of which in other days she slept; and in remembrance of this
+      she abhorred the quality of the air of the cloisters, which troubled her
+      respiration; that in her inside she was troubled with evil vapours; that
+      at times she was inwardly diverted in church by thoughts which made her
+      lose countenance. Then I have repeated over and over again to the poor
+      creature the holy directions of the church, have reminded her of the
+      eternal happiness which women without seeing enjoy in paradise, and how
+      transitory was life here below, and certain the goodness of God, who for
+      first certain bitter pleasures lost, kept for us a love without end. Is
+      spite of this wise maternal advice the evil spirit has persisted in the
+      said sister; and always would she gaze upon the leaves of the trees and
+      grass of the meadows through the windows of the church during the offices
+      and times of prayer; and persisted in becoming as white as linen in order
+      that she might stay in her bed, and at certain times she would run about
+      the cloisters like a goat broken loose from its fastening. Finally, she
+      had grown thin, lost much of the great beauty, and shrunk away to nothing.
+      While in this condition by us, the abbess her mother, was she placed in
+      the sick-room, we daily expecting her to die. One winter&rsquo;s morning the
+      said sister had fled, without leaving any trace of her steps, without
+      breaking the door, forcing of locks, or opening of windows, nor any sign
+      whatever of the manner of her passage; a frightful adventure which was
+      believed to have taken place by the aid of the demon which has annoyed and
+      tormented her. For the rest it was settled by the authorities of the
+      metropolitan church that the mission of this daughter of hell was to
+      divert the nuns from their holy ways, and blinded by their perfect lives,
+      she had returned through the air on the wings of the sorcerer, who had
+      left her for mockery of our holy religion in the place of our Virgin
+      Mary.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The which having said, the lady abbess was, with great honour and
+      according to the command of our lord the archbishop, accompanied as far as
+      the convent of Carmel.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In the ninth place, before us has come, agreeably to the citation served
+      upon him, Joseph, called Leschalopier, a money-changer, living on the
+      bridge at the sign of the Besant d&rsquo;Or, who, after having pledged his
+      Catholic faith to say no other thing than the truth, and that known to
+      him, touching the process before the ecclesiastical tribunal, has
+      testified as follows:—&ldquo;I am a poor father, much afflicted by the
+      sacred will of God. Before the coming of the Succubus of the Rue Chaude, I
+      had, for all good, a son as handsome as a noble, learned as a clerk, and
+      having made more than a dozen voyages into foreign lands; for the rest a
+      good Catholic; keeping himself on guard against the needles of love,
+      because he avoided marriage, knowing himself to be the support of my old
+      days, the love for my eyes, and the constant delight of my heart. He was a
+      son of whom the King of France might have been proud—a good and
+      courageous man, the light on my commerce, the joy of my roof, and, above
+      all, an inestimable blessing, seeing that I am alone in the world, having
+      had the misfortune to lose my wife, and being too old to take another.
+      Now, monseigneur, this treasure without equal has been taken from me, and
+      cast into hell by the demon. Yes, my lord judge, directly he beheld this
+      mischievous jade, this she-devil, in whom it is a whole workshop of
+      perdition, a conjunction of pleasure and delectation, and whom nothing can
+      satiate, my poor child stuck himself fast into the gluepot of love, and
+      afterwards lived only between the columns of Venus, and there did not live
+      long, because in that place like so great a heat that nothing can satisfy
+      the thirst of this gulf, not even should you plunge therein the germs of
+      the entire world. Alas! then, my poor boy —his fortune, his
+      generative hopes, his eternal future, his entire self, more than himself,
+      have been engulfed in this sewer, like a grain of corn in the jaws of a
+      bull. By this means become an old orphan I, who speak, shall have no
+      greater joy than to see burning, this demon, nourished with blood and
+      gold. This Arachne who has drawn out and sucked more marriages, more
+      families in the seed, more hearts, more Christians then there are lepers
+      in all the lazar houses or Christendom. Burn, torment this fiend—this
+      vampire who feeds on souls, this tigerish nature that drinks blood, this
+      amorous lamp in which burns the venom of all the vipers. Close this abyss,
+      the bottom of which no man can find.... I offer my deniers to the chapter
+      for the stake, and my arm to light the fire. Watch well, my lord judge, to
+      surely guard this devil, seeing that she has a fire more flaming than all
+      other terrestrial fires; she has all the fire of hell in her, the strength
+      of Samson in her hair, and the sound of celestial music in her voice. She
+      charms to kill the body and the soul at one stroke; she smiles to bite,
+      she kisses to devour; in short, she would wheedle an angel, and make him
+      deny his God. My son! my son! where is he at this hour? The flower of my
+      life—a flower cut by this feminine needlecase as with scissors. Ha,
+      lord! why have I been called? Who will give me back my son, whose soul has
+      been absorbed by a womb which gives death to all, and life to none? The
+      devil alone copulates, and engenders not. This is my evidence, which I
+      pray Master Tournebouche to write without omitting one iota, and to grant
+      me a schedule, that I may tell it to God every evening in my prayer, to
+      this end to make the blood of the innocent cry aloud into His ears, and to
+      obtain from His infinite mercy the pardon for my son.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Here followed twenty and seven other statements, of which the
+      transcription in their true objectivity, in all their quality of space
+      would be over-fastidious, would draw to a great length, and divert the
+      thread of this curious process—a narrative which, according to
+      ancient precepts, should go straight to the fact, like a bull to his
+      principal office. Therefore, here is, in a few words, the substance of
+      these testimonies.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      A great number of good Christians, townsmen and townswomen, inhabitants of
+      the noble town of Tours, testified the demon to have held every day
+      wedding feasts and royal festivities, never to have been seen in any
+      church, to have cursed God, to have mocked the priests, never to have
+      crossed herself in any place; to have spoken all the languages of the
+      earth—a gift which has only been granted by God to the blessed
+      Apostles; to have been many times met in the fields, mounted upon an
+      unknown animal who went before the clouds; not to grow old, and to have
+      always a youthful face; to have received the father and the son on the
+      same day, saying that her door sinned not; to have visible malign
+      influences which flowed from her, for that a pastrycook, seated on a bench
+      at her door, having perceived her one evening, received such a gust of
+      warm love that, going in and getting to bed, he had with great passion
+      embraced his wife, and was found dead on the morrow, that the old men of
+      the town went to spend the remainder of their days and of their money with
+      her, to taste the joys of the sins of their youth, and that they died like
+      fleas on their bellies, and that certain of them, while dying, became as
+      black as Moors; that this demon never allowed herself to be seen neither
+      at dinner, nor at breakfast, nor at supper, but ate alone, because she
+      lived upon human brains; that several had seen her during the night go to
+      the cemeteries, and there embrace the young dead men, because she was not
+      able to assuage otherwise the devil who worked in her entrails, and there
+      raged like a tempest, and from that came the astringent biting, nitrous
+      shooting, precipitant, and diabolical movements, squeezings, and writhings
+      of love and voluptuousness, from which several men had emerged bruised,
+      torn, bitten, pinched and crushed; and that since the coming of our
+      Saviour, who had imprisoned the master devil in the bellies of the swine,
+      no malignant beast had ever been seen in any portion of the earth so
+      mischievous, venomous and so clutching; so much so that if one threw the
+      town of Tours into this field of Venus, she would there transmute it into
+      the grain of cities, and this demon would swallow it like a strawberry.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      And a thousand other statements, sayings, and depositions, from which was
+      evident in perfect clearness the infernal generation of this woman,
+      daughter, sister, niece, spouse, or brother of the devil, beside abundant
+      proofs of her evil doing, and of the calamity spread by her in all
+      families. And if it were possible to put them here conformably with the
+      catalogue preserved by the good man to whom he accused the discovery, it
+      would seem like a sample of the horrible cries which the Egyptians gave
+      forth on the day of the seventh plague. Also this examination has covered
+      with great honour Messire Guillaume Tournebouche, by whom are quoted all
+      the memoranda. In the tenth vacation was thus closed this inquest,
+      arriving at a maturity of proof, furnished with authentic testimony and
+      sufficiently engrossed with the particulars, plaints, interdicts,
+      contradictions, charges, assignments, withdrawals, confessions public and
+      private, oaths, adjournments, appearances and controversies, to which the
+      said demon must reply. And the townspeople say everywhere if there were
+      really a she-devil, and furnished with internal horns planted in her
+      nature, with which she drank the men, and broke them, this woman might
+      swim a long time in this sea of writing before being landed safe and sound
+      in hell.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      II THE PROCEEDINGS TAKEN RELATIVE TO THIS FEMALE VAMPIRE.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <i>In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.</i>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In the year of our Lord one thousand two hundred and seventy-one, before
+      us, Hierome Cornille, grand penitentiary and ecclesiastical judge to this,
+      canonically appointed, have appeared—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The Sire Philippe d&rsquo;Idre, bailiff of the town and city of Tours and
+      province of Touraine, living in his hotel in the Rue de la Rotisserie, in
+      Chateauneuf; Master Jehan Ribou, provost of the brotherhood and company of
+      drapers, residing on the Quay de Bretaingne, at the image of St.
+      Pierre-es-liens; Messire Antoine Jehan, alderman and chief of the
+      Brotherhood of Changers, residing in the Place du Pont, at the image of
+      St. Mark-counting-tournoise-pounds; Master Martin Beaupertuys, captain of
+      the archers of the town residing at the castle; Jehan Rabelais, a ships&rsquo;
+      painter and boat maker residing at the port at the isle of St. Jacques,
+      treasurer of the brotherhood of the mariners of the Loire; Mark Hierome,
+      called Maschefer, hosier, at the sign of Saint-Sebastian, president of the
+      trades council; and Jacques, called de Villedomer, master tavern-keeper
+      and vine dresser, residing in the High Street, at the Pomme de Pin; to the
+      said Sire d&rsquo;Idre, and to the said citizens, we have read the following
+      petition by them, written, signed, and deliberated upon, to be brought
+      under the notice of the ecclesiastical tribunal:—
+    </p>
+    <h3>
+      PETITION
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      We, the undersigned, all citizens of Tours, are come into the hotel of his
+      worship the Sire d&rsquo;Idre, bailiff of Touraine, in the absence of our mayor,
+      and have requested him to hear our plaints and statements concerning the
+      following facts, which we intend to bring before the tribunal of the
+      archbishop, the judge of ecclesiastical crimes, to whom should be deferred
+      the conduct of the cause which we here expose:—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      A long time ago there came into this town a wicked demon in the form of a
+      woman, who lives in the parish of Saint-Etienne, in the house of the
+      innkeeper Tortebras, situated in the quit-rent of the chapter, and under
+      the temporal jurisdiction of the archiepiscopal domain. The which
+      foreigner carries on the business of a gay woman in a prodigal and abusive
+      manner, and with such increase of infamy that she threatens to ruin the
+      Catholic faith in this town, because those who go to her come back again
+      with their souls lost in every way, and refuse the assistance of the
+      Church with a thousand scandalous discourses.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Now considering that a great number of those who yielded to her are dead,
+      and that arrived in our town with no other wealth than her beauty, she
+      has, according to public clamour, infinite riches and right royal
+      treasure, the acquisition of which is vehemently attributed to sorcery, or
+      at least to robberies committed by the aid of magical attractions and her
+      supernaturally amorous person.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Considering that it is a question of the honour and security of our
+      families, and that never before has been seen in this country a woman wild
+      of body or a daughter of pleasure, carrying on with such mischief of
+      vocation of light o&rsquo; love, and menacing so openly and bitterly the life,
+      the savings, the morals, chastity, religion, and the everything of the
+      inhabitants of this town;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Considering that there is need of a inquiry into her person, her wealth
+      and her deportment, in order to verify if these effects of love are
+      legitimate, and to not proceed, as would seem indicated by her manners,
+      from a bewitchment of Satan, who often visits Christianity under the form
+      of a female, as appears in the holy books, in which it is stated that our
+      blessed Saviour was carried away into a mountain, from which Lucifer or
+      Astaroth showed him the fertile plains of Judea and that in many places
+      have been seen succubi or demons, having the faces of women, who, not
+      wishing to return to hell, and having with them an insatiable fire,
+      attempt to refresh and sustain themselves by sucking in souls;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Considering that in the case of the said woman a thousand proofs of
+      diablerie are met with, of which certain inhabitants speak openly, and
+      that it is necessary for the repose of the said woman that the matter be
+      sifted, in order that she shall not be attacked by certain people, ruined
+      by the result of her wickedness;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      For these causes we pray that it will please you to submit to our
+      spiritual lord, father of this diocese, the most noble and blessed
+      archbishop Jehan de Monsoreau, the troubles of his afflicted flock, to the
+      end that he may advise upon them.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      By doing so you will fulfil the duties of your office, as we do those of
+      preservers of the security of this town, each one according to the things
+      of which he has charge in his locality.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      And we have signed the present, in the year of our Lord one thousand two
+      hundred and seventy-one, of All Saints&rsquo; Day, after mass.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Master Tournebouche having finished the reading of this petition, by us,
+      Hierome Cornille, has it been said to the petitioners—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Gentlemen, do you, at the present time, persist in these statements? have
+      you proofs other than those come within your own knowledge, and do you
+      undertake to maintain the truth of this before God, before man, and before
+      the accused?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      All, with the exception of Master Jehan Rabelais, have persisted in their
+      belief, and the aforesaid Rabelais has withdrawn from the process, saying
+      that he considered the said Moorish woman to be a natural woman and a good
+      wench who had no other fault than that of keeping up a very high
+      temperature of love.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then we, the judge appointed, have, after mature deliberation, found
+      matter upon which to proceed in the petition of the aforesaid citizens,
+      and have commanded that the woman at present in the jail of the chapter
+      shall be proceeded against by all legal methods, as written in the canons
+      and ordinances, <i>contra demonios</i>. The said ordinance, embodied in a
+      writ, shall be published by the town-crier in all parts, and with the
+      sound of the trumpet, in order to make it known to all, and that each
+      witness may, according to his knowledge, be confronted with the said
+      demon, and finally the said accused to be provided with a defender,
+      according to custom, and the interrogations, and the process to be
+      congruously conducted.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      (Signed) HIEROME CORNILLE.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      And, lower-down.
+    </p>
+    <h3>
+      TOURNEBOUCHE.
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In the year of our Lord one thousand two hundred and seventy-one, the 10th
+      day of February, after mass, by command of us, Hierome Cornille,
+      ecclesiastical judge, has been brought from the jail of the chapter and
+      led before us the woman taken in the house of the innkeeper Tortebras,
+      situated in the domains of the chapter and the cathedral of St. Maurice,
+      and are subject to the temporal and seigneurial justice of the Archbishop
+      of Tours; besides which, in consequence of the nature of the crimes
+      imputed to her, she is liable to the tribunal and council of
+      ecclesiastical justice, the which we have made known to her, to the end
+      that she should not ignore it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      And after a serious reading, entirely at will understood by her, in the
+      first place of the petition of the town, then of the statements, plaints,
+      accusations, and proceedings which written in twenty-four quires by Master
+      Tournebouche, and are above related, we have, with the invocation and
+      assistance of God and the Church, resolved to ascertain the truth, first
+      by interrogatories made to the said accused.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In the first interrogation we have requested the aforesaid to inform us in
+      what land or town she had been born. By her who speaks was it answered:
+      &ldquo;In Mauritania.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      We have then inquired: &ldquo;If she had a father or mother, or any relations?&rdquo;
+       By her who speaks has it been replied: &ldquo;That she had never known them.&rdquo; By
+      us requested to declare her name. By her who speaks has been replied:
+      &ldquo;Zulma,&rdquo; in Arabian tongue.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      By us has it been demanded: &ldquo;Why she spoke our language?&rdquo; By her who
+      speaks has it been said: &ldquo;Because she had come into this country.&rdquo; By us
+      has it been asked: &ldquo;At what time?&rdquo; By her who speaks has it been replied:
+      &ldquo;About twelve years.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      By us has it been asked: &ldquo;What age she then was?&rdquo; By her who speaks has it
+      been answered: &ldquo;Fifteen years or thereabout.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      By us has it been said: &ldquo;Then you acknowledge yourself to be twenty-seven
+      years of age?&rdquo; By her who speaks has it been replied: &ldquo;Yes.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      By us has it been said to her: &ldquo;That she was then the Moorish child found
+      in the niche of Madame the Virgin, baptised by the Archbishop, held at the
+      font by the late Lord of Roche-Corbon and the Lady of Azay, his wife,
+      afterwards by them placed in religion at the convent of Mount Carmel,
+      where by her had been made vows of chastity, poverty, silence, and the
+      love of God, under the divine assistance of St. Clare?&rdquo; By her who speaks
+      has been said: &ldquo;That is true.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      By us has it been asked her: &ldquo;If, then, she allowed to be true the
+      declarations of the very noble and illustrious lady the abbess of Mount
+      Carmel, also the statements of Jacquette, called Vieux-Oing, being kitchen
+      scullion?&rdquo; By the accused has been answered: &ldquo;These words are true in
+      great measure.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then by us has it been said to her: &ldquo;Then you are a Christian?&rdquo; And by her
+      who speaks has been answered: &ldquo;Yes, my father.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then by us has she been requested to make the sign of the cross, and to
+      take holy water from the brush placed by Master Tournebouche in her hand;
+      the which having been done, and by us having been witnessed, it has been
+      admitted as an indisputable fact, that Zulma, the Moorish woman, called in
+      our country Blanche Bruyn, a nun of the convent under the invocation of
+      Mount Carmel, there named Sister Clare, and suspected to be the false
+      appearance of a woman under which is concealed a demon, has in our
+      presence made act of religion and thus recognised the justice of the
+      ecclesiastical tribunal.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then by us have these words been said to her: &ldquo;My daughter, you are
+      vehemently suspected to have had recourse to the devil from the manner in
+      which you left the convent, which was supernatural in every way.&rdquo; By her
+      who speaks has it been stated, that she at that time gained naturally the
+      fields by the street door after vespers, enveloped in the robes of Jehan
+      de Marsilis, visitor of the convent, who had hidden her, the person
+      speaking, in a little hovel belonging to him, situated in the Cupidon
+      Lane, near a tower in the town. That there this said priest had to her
+      then speaking, at great length, and most thoroughly taught the depths of
+      love, of which she then speaking was before in all points ignorant, for
+      which delights she had a great taste, finding them of great use. That the
+      Sire d&rsquo;Amboise having perceived her then speaking at the window of this
+      retreat, had been smitten with a great love for her. That she loved him
+      more heartily than the monk, and fled from the hovel where she was
+      detained for profit of his pleasure by Don Marsilis. And then she had gone
+      in great haste to Amboise, the castle of the said lord, where she had had
+      a thousand pastimes, hunting, and dancing, and beautiful dresses fit for a
+      queen. One day the Sire de la Roche-Pozay having been invited by the Sire
+      d&rsquo;Amboise to come and feast and enjoy himself, the Baron d&rsquo;Amboise had
+      allowed him to see her then speaking, as she came out naked from her bath.
+      That at this sight the said Sire de la Roche-Pozay having fallen violently
+      in love with her, had on the morrow discomfited in single combat the Sire
+      d&rsquo;Amboise, and by great violence, had, is spite of her tears, taken her to
+      the Holy Land, where she who was speaking had lived the life of a woman
+      well beloved, and had been held in great respect on account of her great
+      beauty. That after numerous adventures, she who was speaking had returned
+      into this country in spite of the apprehensions of misfortune, because
+      such was the will of her lord and master, the Baron de Bueil, who was
+      dying of grief in Asiatic lands, and desired to return to his patrimonial
+      manor. Now he had promised her who was speaking to preserve her from
+      peril. Now she who was speaking had faith and belief in him, the more so
+      as she loved him very much; but on his arrival in this country, the Sire
+      de Bueil was seized with an illness, and died deplorably, without taking
+      any remedies, this spite of the fervent requests which she who was
+      speaking had addressed to him, but without success, because he hated
+      physicians, master surgeons, and apothecaries; and that this was the whole
+      truth.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then by us has it been said to the accused that she then held to be true
+      the statements of the good Sire Harduin and of the innkeeper Tortebras. By
+      her who speaks has it been replied, that she recognised as evidence the
+      greater part, and also as malicious, calumnious, and imbecile certain
+      portions.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then by us has the accused been required to declare if she had had
+      pleasure and carnal commerce with all the men, nobles, citizens, and
+      others as set forth in the plaints and declarations of the inhabitants. To
+      which her who speaks has it been answered with great effrontery:
+      &ldquo;Pleasure, yes! Commerce, I do not know.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      By us has it been said to her, that all had died by her acts. By her who
+      speaks has it been said that their deaths could not be the result of her
+      acts, because she had always refused herself to them, and the more she
+      fled from them the more they came and embraced her with infinite passion,
+      and that when she who was speaking was taken by them she gave herself up
+      to them with all her strength, by the grace of God, because she had in
+      that more joy than in anything, and has stated, she who speaks, that she
+      avows her secret sentiments solely because she had been requested by us to
+      state the whole truth, and that she the speaker stood in great fear of the
+      torments of the torturers.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then by us has she been requested to answer, under pain of torture, in
+      what state of mind she was when a young nobleman died in consequence of
+      his commerce with her. Then by her speaking has it been replied, that she
+      remained quite melancholy and wished to destroy herself; and prayed God,
+      the Virgin, and the saints to receive her into Paradise, because never had
+      she met with any but lovely and good hearts in which was no guile, and
+      beholding them die she fell into a great sadness, fancying herself to be
+      an evil creature or subject to an evil fate, which she communicated like
+      the plague.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then by us has she been requested to state where she paid her orisons.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      By her speaking has it been said that she played in her oratory on her
+      knees before God, who according to the Evangelists, sees and hears all
+      things and resides in all places.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then by us has it been demanded why she never frequented the churches, the
+      offices, nor the feasts. To this by her speaking has it been answered,
+      that those who came to love her had elected the feast days for that
+      purpose, and that she speaking did all things to their liking.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      By us has it been remonstrated that, by so doing, she was submissive to
+      man rather than to the commandments of God.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then by her speaking has it been stated, that for those who loved her well
+      she speaking would have thrown herself into a flaming pile, never having
+      followed in her love any course but that of nature, and that for the
+      weight of the world in gold she would not have lent her body or her love
+      to a king who did not love her with his heart, feet, hair, forehead, and
+      all over. In short and moreover the speaker had never made an act of
+      harlotry in selling one single grain of love to a man whom she had not
+      chosen to be hers, and that he who held her in his arms one hour or kissed
+      her on the mouth a little, possessed her for the remainder of her days.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then by us has she been requested to state whence preceded the jewels,
+      gold plate, silver, precious stones, regal furniture, carpets, et cetera,
+      worth 200,000 doubloons, according to the inventory found in her residence
+      and placed in the custody of the treasurer of the chapter. By the speaker
+      answer has been made, that in us she placed all her hopes, even as much as
+      in God, but that she dare not reply to this, because it involved the
+      sweetest things of love upon which she had always lived. And interpellated
+      anew, the speaker has said that if the judge knew with what fervour she
+      held him she loved, with what obedience she followed him in good or evil
+      ways, with what study she submitted to him, with what happiness she
+      listened to his desires, and inhaled the sacred words with which his mouth
+      gratified her, in what adoration she held his person, even we, an old
+      judge, would believe with her well-beloved, that no sum could pay for this
+      great affection which all the men ran after. After the speaker has
+      declared never from any man loved by her, to have solicited any present or
+      gift, and that she rested perfectly contented to live in their hearts,
+      that she would there curl herself up with indestructible and ineffable
+      pleasure, finding herself richer with this heart than with anything, and
+      thinking of no other thing than to give them more pleasure and happiness
+      than she received from them. But in spite of the iterated refusals of the
+      speaker her lovers persisted in graciously rewarding her. At times one
+      came to her with a necklace of pearls, saying, &ldquo;This is to show my darling
+      that the satin of her skin did not falsely appear to me whiter than
+      pearls&rdquo; and would put it on the speaker&rsquo;s neck, kissing her lovingly. The
+      speaker would be angry at these follies, but could not refuse to keep a
+      jewel that gave them pleasure to see it there where they placed it. Each
+      one had a different fancy. At times another liked to tear the precious
+      garments which the speaker wore to gratify him; another to deck out the
+      speaker with sapphires on her arms, on her legs, on her neck, and in her
+      hair; another to seat her on the carpet, clad in silk or black velvet, and
+      to remain for days together in ecstasy at the perfections of the speaker
+      the whom the things desired by her lovers gave infinite pleasure, because
+      these things rendered them quite happy. And the speaker has said, that as
+      we love nothing so much as our pleasure, and wish that everything should
+      shine in beauty and harmonise, outside as well as inside the heart, so
+      they all wished to see the place inhabited by the speaker adorned with
+      handsome objects, and from this idea all her lovers were pleased as much
+      as she was in spreading thereabout gold, silks and flowers. Now seeing
+      that these lovely things spoil nothing, the speaker had no force or
+      commandment by which to prevent a knight, or even a rich citizen beloved
+      by her, having his will, and thus found herself constrained to receive
+      rare perfumes and other satisfaction with which the speaker was loaded,
+      and that such was the source of the gold, plate, carpets, and jewels
+      seized at her house by the officers of justice. This terminates the first
+      interrogation made to the said Sister Clare, suspected to be a demon,
+      because we the judge and Guillaume Tournebouche, are greatly fatigued with
+      having the voice of the aforesaid, in our ears, and finding our
+      understanding in every way muddled.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      By us the judge has the second interrogatory been appointed, three days
+      from to-day, in order that the proofs of the possession and presence of
+      the demon in the body of the aforesaid may be sought, and the accused,
+      according to the order of the judge, has been taken back to the jail under
+      the conduct of Master Guillaume Tournebouche.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      On the thirteenth day following of the said month of the February before
+      us, Hierome Cornille, et cetera, has been produced the Sister Clare
+      above-mentioned, in order to be interrogated upon the facts and deeds to
+      her imputed, and of them to be convicted.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      By us, the judge, has it been said to the accused that, looking at the
+      divers responses by her given to the proceeding interrogatories, it was
+      certain that it never had been in the power of a simple woman, even if she
+      were authorised, if such licence were allowed to lead the life of a loose
+      woman, to give pleasure to all, to cause so many deaths, and to accomplish
+      sorceries so perfect, without the assistance of a special demon lodged in
+      her body, and to whom her soul had been sold by an especial compact. That
+      it had been clearly demonstrated that under her outward appearance lies
+      and moves a demon, the author of these evils, and that she was now called
+      upon to declare at what age she had received the demon, to vow the
+      agreement existing between herself and him, and to tell the truth
+      concerning their common evil doings. By the speaker was it replied that
+      she would answer us, man, as to God, who would be judge of all of us. Then
+      has the speaker pretended never to have seen the demon, neither to have
+      spoken with him, nor in any way to desire to see him; never to have led
+      the life of a courtesan, because she, the speaker, had never practised the
+      various delights that love invents, other than those furnished by the
+      pleasure which the Sovereign Creator has put in the thing, and to have
+      always been incited more from the desire of being sweet and good to the
+      dear lord loved by her, then by an incessantly raging desire. But if such
+      had been her inclination, the speaker begged us to bear in mind that she
+      was a poor African girl, in whom God had placed very hot blood, and in her
+      brain so easy an understanding of the delights of love, that if a man only
+      looked at her she felt greatly moved in her heart. That if from desire of
+      acquaintance an amorous gentleman touched the speaker her on any portion
+      of the body, there passing his hand, she was, in spite of everything,
+      under his power, because her heart failed her instantly. By this touch,
+      the apprehension and remembrance of all the sweet joys of love woke again
+      in her breast, and there caused an intense heat, which mounted up, flamed
+      in her veins, and made her love and joy from head to foot. And since the
+      day when Don Marsilis had first awakened the understanding of the speaker
+      concerning these things, she had never had any other thought, and
+      thenceforth recognised love to be a thing so perfectly concordant with her
+      nature, that it had since been proved to the speaker that in default of
+      love and natural relief she would have died, withered at the said convent.
+      As evidence of which, the speaker affirms as a certainty, that after her
+      flight from the said convent she had not passed a single day or one
+      particle of time in melancholy and sadness, but always was she joyous, and
+      thus followed the sacred will of God, which she believed to have been
+      diverted during the time lost by her in the convent.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      To this was it objected by us, Hierome Cornille, to the said demon, that
+      in this response she had openly blasphemed against God, because we had all
+      been made to his greater glory, and placed in the world to honour and to
+      serve Him, to have before our eyes His blessed commandments, and to live
+      in sanctity, in order to gain eternal life, and not to be always in bed,
+      doing that which even the beasts only do at a certain time. Then by the
+      said sister, has answer been made, that she honoured God greatly, that in
+      all countries she had taken care of the poor and suffering, giving them
+      both money and raiment, and that at the last judgement-day she hoped to
+      have around her a goodly company of holy works pleasant to God, which
+      would intercede for her. That but for her humility, a fear of being
+      reproached and of displeasing the gentlemen of the chapter, she would with
+      joy have spent her wealth in finishing the cathedral of St. Maurice, and
+      there have established foundations for the welfare of her soul—would
+      have spared therein neither her pleasure nor her person, and that with
+      this idea she would have taken double pleasure in her nights, because each
+      one of her amours would have added a stone to the building of this
+      basilic. Also the more this purpose, and for the eternal welfare of the
+      speaker, would they have right heartily given their wealth.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then by us has it been said to this demon that she could not justify the
+      fact of her sterility, because in spite of so much commerce, no child had
+      been born of her, the which proved the presence of a demon in her.
+      Moreover, Astaroth alone, or an apostle, could speak all languages, and
+      she spoke after the manner of all countries, the which proved the presence
+      of the devil in her. Thereupon the speaker has asked: &ldquo;In what consisted
+      the said diversity of language?&rdquo;—that of Greek she knew nothing but
+      a Kyrie eleison, of which she made great use; of Latin, nothing, save
+      Amen, which she said to God, wishing therewith to obtain her liberty. That
+      for the rest the speaker had felt great sorrow, being without children,
+      and if the good wives had them, she believed it was because they took so
+      little pleasure in the business, and she, the speaker, a little too much.
+      But that such was doubtless the will of God, who thought that from too
+      great happiness, the world would be in danger of perishing. Taking this
+      into consideration, and a thousand other reasons, which sufficiently
+      establish the presence of the devil in the body of the sister, because the
+      peculiar property of Lucifer is to always find arguments having the
+      semblance of truth, we have ordered that in our presence the torture be
+      applied to the said accused, and that she be well tormented in order to
+      reduce the said demon by suffering to submit to the authority of the
+      Church, and have requested to render us assistance one Francois de
+      Hangest, master surgeon and doctor to the chapter, charging him by a
+      codicil hereunder written to investigate the qualities of the feminine
+      nature (virtutes vulvae) of the above-mentioned woman, to enlighten our
+      religion on the methods employed by this demon to lay hold of souls in
+      that way, and see if any article was there apparent.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then the said Moorish women had wept bitterly, tortured in advance, and in
+      spite of her irons, has knelt down imploring with cries and clamour the
+      revocation of this order, objecting that her limbs were in such a feeble
+      state, and her bones so tender, that they would break like glass; and
+      finally, has offered to purchase her freedom from this by the gift all her
+      goods to the chapter, and to quit incontinently the country.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Upon this, by us has she been required to voluntarily declare herself to
+      be, and to have always been, demon of the nature of the Succubus, which is
+      a female devil whose business it is to corrupt Christians by the
+      blandishments and flagitious delights of love. To this the speaker has
+      replied that the affirmation would be an abominable falsehood, seeing that
+      she had always felt herself to be a most natural woman.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then her irons being struck off by the torturer, the aforesaid has removed
+      her dress, and has maliciously and with evil design bewildered and
+      attacked our understandings with the sight of her body, the which, for a
+      fact, exercises upon a man supernatural coercion.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Master Guillaume Tournebouche has, by reason of nature, quitted the pen at
+      this period, and retired, objecting that he was unable, without incredible
+      temptations, which worked in his brain, to be a witness of this torture,
+      because he felt the devil violently gaining his person.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This finishes the second interrogatory; and as the apparitor and janitor
+      of the chapter have stated Master Francois de Hangest to be in the
+      country, the torture and interrogations are appointed for to-morrow at the
+      hour of noon after mass.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This has been written verbally by me, Hierome, in the absence of Master
+      Guillaume Tournebouche, on whose behalf it is signed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      HIEROME CORNILLE Grand Penitentiary.
+    </p>
+    <h3>
+      PETITION
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      Today, the fourteenth day of the month of February, in the presence of me,
+      Hierome Cornille, have appeared the said Masters Jehan Ribou, Antoine
+      Jehan, Martin Beaupertuys, Hierome Maschefer, Jacques de Ville d&rsquo;Omer, and
+      the Sire d&rsquo;Idre, in place of the mayor of the city of Tours, for the time
+      absent. All plaintiffs designated in the act of process made at the Town
+      Hall, to whom we have, at the request of Blanche Bruyn (now confessing
+      herself a nun of the convent of Mount Carmel, under the name of Sister
+      Clare), declared the appeal made to the Judgment of God by the said person
+      accused of demonical possession, and her offer to pass through the ordeal
+      of fire and water, in presence of the Chapter and of the town of Tours, in
+      order to prove her reality as a woman and her innocence.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      To this request have agreed for their parts, the said accusers, who, on
+      condition that the town is security for it, have engaged to prepare a
+      suitable place and a pile, to be approved by the godparents of the
+      accused.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then by us, the judge, has the first day of the new year been appointed
+      for the day of the ordeal—which will be next Paschal Day —and
+      we have indicated the hour of noon, after mass, each of the parties having
+      acknowledged this delay to be sufficient.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      And the present proclamation shall be cited, at the suit of each of them,
+      in all the towns, boroughs, and castles of Touraine and the land of
+      France, at their request and at their cost and suit.
+    </p>
+    <h3>
+      HIEROME CORNILLE.
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      III WHAT THE SUCCUBUS DID TO SUCK OUT THE SOUL OF THE OLD JUDGE, AND WHAT
+      CAME OF THE DIABOLICAL DELECTATION.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This the act of extreme confession made the first day of the month of
+      March, in the year one thousand two hundred and seventy-one, after the
+      coming of our blessed Saviour, by Hierome Cornille, priest, canon of the
+      chapter of the cathedral of St. Maurice, grand penitentiary, of all
+      acknowledging himself unworthy, who, finding his last hour to be come, and
+      contrite of his sins, evil doings, forfeits, bad deeds, and wickednesses,
+      has desired his avowal to be published to serve the preconisation of the
+      truth, the glory of God, the justice of the tribunal, and to be an
+      alleviation to him of his punishment, in the other world. The said Hierome
+      Cornille being on his deathbed, there had been convoked to hear his
+      declarations, Jehan de la Haye (de Hago), vicar of the church of St.
+      Maurice; Pietro Guyard, treasurer of the chapter, appointed by our Lord
+      Jean de Monsoreau, Archbishop, to write his words; and Dom Louis Pot, a
+      monk of maius MONASTERIUM (Marmoustier), chosen by him for a spiritual
+      father and confessor; all three assisted by the great and illustrious Dr
+      Guillaume de Censoris, Roman Archdeacon, at present sent into the diocese
+      (LEGATUS), by our Holy Father the Pope; and, finally, in the presence of a
+      great number of Christians come to be witnesses of the death of the said
+      Hierome Cornille, upon his known wish to make act of public repentance,
+      seeing that he was fast sinking, and that his words might open the eyes of
+      Christians about to fall into hell.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      And before him, Hierome, who, by reason of his great weakness could not
+      speak, has Dom Louis Pot read the following confession to the great
+      agitation of the said company:—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My brethren, until the seventy-first year of my age, which is the one in
+      which I now am, with the exception of the little sins through which, all
+      holy though he be, a Christian renders himself culpable before God, but
+      which it is allowed to us to repurchase by penitence, I believe I led a
+      Christian life, and merited the praise and renown bestowed upon me in this
+      diocese, where I was raised to the high office of grand penitentiary, of
+      which I am unworthy. Now, struck with the knowledge of the infinite glory
+      of God, horrified at the agonies which await the wicked and prevaricators
+      in hell, I have thought to lessen the enormity of my sins by the greatest
+      penitence I can show in the extreme hour at which I am. Thus I have prayed
+      of the Church, whom I have deceived and betrayed, whose rights and
+      judicial renown I have sold, to grant me the opportunity of accusing
+      myself publicly in the manner of ancient Christians. I hoped, in order to
+      show my great repentance, to have still enough life in me to be reviled at
+      the door of the cathedral by all my brethren, to remain there an entire
+      day on my knees, holding a candle, a cord around my neck, and my feet
+      naked, seeing that I had followed the way of hell with regard to the
+      sacred instincts of the Church. But in this great shipwreck of my fragile
+      virtue, which will be to you as a warning to fly from vice and the snares
+      of the demon, and to take refuge in the Church, where all help is, I have
+      been so bewitched by Lucifer that our Saviour Jesus Christ will take, by
+      the intercession of all you whose help and prayers I request, pity on me,
+      a poor abused Christian, whose eyes now stream with tears. So would I have
+      another life to spend in works of penitence. Now then listen and tremble
+      with great fear! Elected by the assembled Chapter to carry it out,
+      instruct, and complete the process commenced against a demon, who had
+      appeared in a feminine shape, in the person of a relapse nun—an
+      abominable person, denying God, and bearing the name of Zulma in the
+      infidel country whence she comes; the which devil is known in the diocese
+      under that of Clare, of the convent of Mount Carmel, and has much
+      afflicted the town by putting herself under an infinite number of men to
+      gain their souls to Mammon, Astaroth, and Satan—princes of hell, by
+      making them leave this world in a state of mortal sin, and causing their
+      death where life has its source, I have, I the judge, fallen in my latter
+      days into this snare, and have lost my senses, while acquitting myself
+      traitorously of the functions committed with great confidence by the
+      Chapter to my cold senility. Hear how subtle the demon is, and stand firm
+      against her artifices. While listening to the first response of the
+      aforesaid Succubus, I saw with horror that the irons placed upon her feet
+      and hands left no mark there, and was astonished at her hidden strength
+      and at her apparent weakness. Then my mind was troubled suddenly at the
+      sight of the natural perfections with which the devil was endowed. I
+      listened to the music of her voice, which warmed me from head to foot, and
+      made me desire to be young, to give myself up to this demon, thinking that
+      for an hour passed in her company my eternal salvation was but poor
+      payment for the pleasure of love tasted in those slender arms. Then I lost
+      that firmness with which all judges should be furnished. This demon by me
+      questioned, reasoned with me in such a manner that at the second
+      interrogatory I was firmly persuaded I should be committing a crime in
+      fining and torturing a poor little creature who cried like an innocent
+      child. Then warned by a voice from on high to do my duty, and that these
+      golden words, the music of celestial appearance, were diabolical
+      mummeries, that this body, so pretty, so infatuating, would transmute
+      itself into a bristly beast with sharp claws, those eyes so soft into
+      flames of hell, her behind into a scaly tail, the pretty rosebud mouth and
+      gentle lips into the jaws of a crocodile, I came back to my intention of
+      having the said Succubus tortured until she avowed her permission, as this
+      practice had already been followed in Christianity. Now when this demon
+      showed herself stripped to me, to be put to the torture, I was suddenly
+      placed in her power by magical conjurations. I felt my old bones crack, my
+      brain received a warm light, my heart transhipped young and boiling blood.
+      I was light in myself, and by virtue of the magic philter thrown into my
+      eyes the snows on my forehead melted away. I lost all conscience of my
+      Christian life and found myself a schoolboy, running about the country,
+      escaped from class and stealing apples. I had not the power to make the
+      sign of the cross, neither did I remember the Church, God the Father, nor
+      the sweet Saviour of men. A prey to this design, I went about the streets
+      thinking over the delights of that voice, the abominable, pretty body of
+      this demon, and saying a thousand wicked things to myself. Then pierced
+      and drawn by a blow of the devil&rsquo;s fork, who had planted himself already
+      in my head as a serpent in an oak, I was conducted by this sharp prong
+      towards the jail, in spite of my guardian angel, who from time to time
+      pulled me by the arm and defended me against these temptations, but in
+      spite of his holy advice and his assistance I was dragged by a million
+      claws stuck into my heart, and soon found myself in the jail. As soon as
+      the door was opened to me I saw no longer any appearance of a prison,
+      because the Succubus had there, with the assistance of evil genii or fays,
+      constructed a pavilion of purple and silk, full of perfumes and flowers,
+      where she was seated, superbly attired with neither irons on her neck nor
+      chains on her feet. I allowed myself to be stripped of my ecclesiastical
+      vestments, and was put into a scent bath. Then the demon covered me with a
+      Saracen robe, entertained me with a repast of rare viands contained in
+      precious vases, gold cups, Asiatic wines, songs and marvellous music, and
+      a thousand sweet sounds that tickled my soul by means of my ears. At my
+      side kept always the said Succubus, and her sweet, delectable embrace
+      distilled new ardour into my members. My guardian angel quitted me. Then I
+      lived only by the terrible light of the Moorish woman&rsquo;s eyes, coveted the
+      warm embraces of the delicate body, wished always to feel her red lips,
+      that I believed natural, and had no fear of the bite of those teeth which
+      drew me to the bottom of hell, I delighted to feel the unequalled softness
+      of her hands without thinking that they were unnatural claws. In short, I
+      acted like husband desiring to go to his affianced without thinking that
+      that spouse was everlasting death. I had no thought for the things of this
+      world nor the interests of God, dreaming only of love, of the sweet
+      breasts of this woman, who made me burn, and of the gate of hell in which
+      I wished to cast myself. Alas! my brethren, during three days and three
+      nights was I thus constrained to toil without being able to stop the
+      stream which flowed from my reins, in which were plunged, like two pikes,
+      the hands of the Succubus, which communicated to my poor old age and to my
+      dried up bones, I know not what sweat of love. At first this demon, to
+      draw me to her, caused to flow in my inside the softness of milk, then
+      came poignant joys which pricked like a hundred needles my bones, my
+      marrow, my brain, and my nerves. Then all this gone, all things became
+      inflamed, my head, my blood, my nerves, my flesh, my bones, and then I
+      burned with the real fire of hell, which caused me torments in my joints,
+      and an incredible, intolerable, tearing voluptuousness which loosened the
+      bonds of my life. The tresses of this demon, which enveloped my poor body,
+      poured upon me a stream of flame, and I felt each lock like a bar of red
+      iron. During this mortal delectation I saw the ardent face of the said
+      Succubus, who laughed and addressed to me a thousand exciting words; such
+      as that I was her knight, her lord, her lance, her day, her joy, her hero,
+      her life, her good, her rider, and that she would like to clasp me even
+      closer, wishing to be in my skin or have me in hers. Hearing which, under
+      the prick of this tongue which sucked out my soul, I plunged and
+      precipitated myself finally into hell without finding the bottom. And then
+      when I had no more a drop of blood in my veins, when my heart no longer
+      beat in my body, and I was ruined at all points, the demon, still fresh,
+      white, rubicund, glowing, and laughing, said to me—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;Poor fool, to think me a demon! Had I asked thee to sell thy soul for a
+      kiss, wouldst thou not give it to me with all thy heart?&rsquo;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;Yes,&rsquo; said I.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;And if always to act thus it were necessary for thee to nourish thyself
+      with the blood of new-born children in order always to have new life to
+      spend in my arms, would you not imbibe it willingly?&rsquo;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;Yes,&rsquo; said I.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;And to be always my gallant horseman, gay as a man in his prime, feeling
+      life, drinking pleasure, plunging to the depths of joy as a swimmer into
+      the Loire, wouldst thou not deny God, wouldst thou not spit in the face of
+      Jesus?&rsquo;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;Yes,&rsquo; said I.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Then I felt a hundred sharp claws which tore my diaphragm as if the beaks
+      of a thousand birds there took their bellyfuls, shrieking. Then I was
+      lifted suddenly above the earth upon the said Succubus, who had spread her
+      wings, and cried to me—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;Ride, ride, my gallant rider! Hold yourself firmly on the back of thy
+      mule, by her mane, by her neck; and ride, ride, my gallant rider —everything
+      rides!&rsquo; And then I saw, as a thick fog, the cities of the earth, where by
+      a special gift I perceived each one coupled with a female demon, and
+      tossing about, and engendering in great concupiscence, all shrieking a
+      thousand words of love and exclamations of all kinds, and all toiling away
+      with ecstasy. Then my horse with the Moorish head pointed out to me, still
+      flying and galloping beyond the clouds, the earth coupled with the sun in
+      a conjunction, from which proceeded a germ of stars, and there each female
+      world was embracing a male world; but in place of the words used by
+      creatures, the worlds were giving forth the howls of tempests, throwing up
+      lightnings and crying thunders. Then still rising, I saw overhead the
+      female nature of all things in love with the Prince of Movement. Now, by
+      way of mockery, the Succubus placed me in the centre of this horrible and
+      perpetual conflict, where I was lost as a grain of sand in the sea. Then
+      still cried my white mare to me, &lsquo;Ride, ride my gallant rider—all
+      things ride!&rsquo; Now, thinking how little was a priest in this torment of the
+      seed of worlds, nature always clasped together, and metals, stones,
+      waters, airs, thunders, fish, plants, animals, men, spirits, worlds and
+      planets, all embracing with rage, I denied the Catholic faith. Then the
+      Succubus, pointing out to me the great patch of stars seen in heavens,
+      said to me, &lsquo;That way is a drop of celestial seed escaped from great flow
+      of the worlds in conjunction.&rsquo; Thereupon I instantly clasped the Succubus
+      with passion by the light of a thousand million of stars, and I wished in
+      clasping her to feel the nature of those thousand million creatures. Then
+      by this great effort of love I fell impotent in every way, and heard a
+      great infernal laugh. Then I found myself in my bed, surrounded by my
+      servitors, who had had the courage to struggle with the demon, throwing
+      into the bed where I was stretched a basin full of holy water, and saying
+      fervent prayers to God. Then had I to sustain, in spite of this
+      assistance, a horrible combat with the said Succubus, whose claws still
+      clutched my heart, causing me infinite pains; still, while reanimated by
+      the voice of my servitors, relations, and friends, I tried to make the
+      sacred sign of the cross; the Succubus perched on my bed, on the bolster,
+      at the foot, everywhere, occupying herself in distracting my nerves,
+      laughing, grimacing, putting before my eyes a thousand obscene images, and
+      causing me a thousand wicked desires. Nevertheless, taking pity on me, my
+      lord the Archbishop caused the relics of St. Gatien to be brought, and the
+      moment the shrine had touched my bed the said Succubus was obliged to
+      depart, leaving an odour of sulphur and of hell, which made the throats of
+      my servants, friends, and others sore for a whole day. Then the celestial
+      light of God having enlightened my soul, I knew I was, through my sins and
+      my combat with the evil spirit, in great danger of dying. Then did I
+      implore the especial mercy, to live just a little time to render glory to
+      God and his Church, objecting the infinite merits of Jesus dead upon the
+      cross for the salvation of the Christians. By this prayer I obtained the
+      favour of recovering sufficient strength to accuse myself of my sins, and
+      to beg of the members of the Church of St. Maurice their aid and
+      assistance to deliver me from purgatory, where I am about to atone for my
+      faults by infinite agonies. Finally, I declare that my proclamation,
+      wherein the said demon appeals the judgment of God by the ordeals of holy
+      water and a fire, is a subterfuge due to an evil design suggested by the
+      said demon, who would thus have had the power to escape the justice of the
+      tribunal of the Archbishop and of the Chapter, seeing that she secretly
+      confessed to me, to be able to make another demon accustomed to the ordeal
+      appear in her place. And, in conclusion, I give and bequeath to the
+      Chapter of the Church of St. Maurice my property of all kinds, to found a
+      chapter in the said church, to build it and adorn it and put it under the
+      invocation of St. Hierome and St. Gatien, of whom one is my patron and the
+      other the saviour of my soul.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      This, heard by all the company, has been brought to the notice of the
+      ecclesiastical tribunal by Jehan to la Haye (Johannes de Haga).
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We, Jehan de la Haye (Johannes de Haga), elected grand penitentiary of St.
+      Maurice by the general assembly of the Chapter, according to the usage and
+      custom of that church, and appointed to pursue afresh the trial of the
+      demon Succubus, at present in the jail of the Chapter, have ordered a new
+      inquest, at which will be heard all those of this diocese having
+      cognisance of the facts relative thereto. We declared void the other
+      proceedings, interrogations, and decrees, and annul them in the name of
+      the members of the Church in general, and sovereign Chapter assembled, and
+      declare that the appeal to God, traitorously made by the demon, shall not
+      take place, in consequence of the notorious treachery of the devil in this
+      affair. And the said judgment shall be cried by sound of trumpet in all
+      parts of the diocese in which have been published the false edicts of the
+      preceding month, all notoriously due to the instigation of the demon,
+      according to the confession of the late Hierome Cornille.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Let all good Christians be of assistance to our Holy Church, and to her
+      commandments.
+    </p>
+    <h3>
+      JEHAN DE LA HAYE.
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      IV HOW THE MOORISH WOMAN OF THE RUE CHAUDE TWISTED ABOUT SO BRISKLY THAT
+      WITH GREAT DIFFICULTY WAS SHE BURNED AND COOKED ALIVE, TO THE GREAT LOSS
+      OF THE INFERNAL REGIONS.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This was written in the month of May, of the year 1360, after the manner
+      of a testament.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My very dear and well-beloved son, when it shall be lawful for thee to
+      read this I shall be, I thy father, reposing in the tomb, imploring thy
+      prayers, and supplicating thee to conduct thyself in life as it will be
+      commanded thee in this rescript, bequeathed for the good government of thy
+      family, thy future, and safety; for I have done this at a period when I
+      had my senses and understanding, still recently affected by the sovereign
+      injustice of men. In my virile age I had a great ambition to raise myself
+      in the Church, and therein to obtain the highest dignities, because no
+      life appeared to me more splendid. Now with this earnest idea, I learned
+      to read and write, and with great trouble became in a fit condition to
+      enter the clergy. But because I had no protection, or good advice to
+      superintend my training I had an idea of becoming the writer, tabellion,
+      and rubrican of the Chapter of St. Maurice, in which were the highest and
+      richest personages of Christendom, since the King of France is only
+      therein a simple canon. Now there I should be able better than anywhere
+      else to find services to render to certain lords, and thus to find a
+      master or gain patronage, and by this assistance enter into religion, and
+      be mitred and esconced in an archiepiscopal chair, somewhere or other. But
+      this first vision was over credulous, and a little too ambitious, the
+      which God caused me clearly to perceive by the sequel. In fact, Messire
+      Jepan de Villedomer, who afterwards became cardinal, was given this
+      appointment, and I was rejected, discomfited. Now in this unhappy hour I
+      received an alleviation of my troubles, by the advice of the good old
+      Hierome Cornille, of whom I have often spoken to you. This dear man
+      induced me, by his kindness, to become penman to the Chapter of St.
+      Maurice and the Archbishop of Tours, the which offer I accepted with joy,
+      since I was reputed a scrivener. At the time I was about to enter into the
+      presbytery commenced the famous process against the devil of the Rue
+      Chaude, of which the old folk still talk, and which in its time, has been
+      recounted in every home in France. Now, believing that it would be of
+      great advantage to my ambition, and that for this assistance the Chapter
+      would raise me to some dignity, my good master had me appointed for the
+      purpose of writing all of that should be in this grave cause, subject to
+      writing. At the very outset Monseigneur Hierome Cornille, a man
+      approaching eighty years, of great sense, justice, and sound
+      understanding, suspected some spitefulness in this cause, although he was
+      not partial to immodest girls, and had never been involved with a woman in
+      his life, and was holy and venerable, with a sanctity which had caused him
+      to be selected as a judge, all this not withstanding. As soon as the
+      depositions were completed, and the poor wench heard, it remained clear
+      that although this merry doxy had broken her religious vows, she was
+      innocent of all devilry, and that her great wealth was coveted by her
+      enemies, and other persons, whom I must not name to thee for reasons of
+      prudence. At this time every one believed her to be so well furnished with
+      silver and gold that she could have bought the whole county of Touraine,
+      if so it had pleased her. A thousand falsehoods and calumnious words
+      concerning the girl, envied by all the honest women, were circulated and
+      believed in as gospel. At this period Master Hierome Cornille, having
+      ascertained that no demon other than that of love was in the girl, made
+      her consent to remain in a convent for the remainder of her days. And
+      having ascertained certain noble knights brave in war and rich in domains,
+      that they would do everything to save her, he invited her secretly to
+      demand of her accusers the judgment of God, at the same time giving her
+      goods to the chapter, in order to silence mischievous tongues. By this
+      means would be saved from the stake the most delicate flower that ever
+      heaven has allowed to fall upon our earth; the which flower yielded only
+      from excessive tenderness and amiability to the malady of love, cast by
+      her eyes into the hearts of all her pursuers. But the real devil, under
+      the form of a monk, mixed himself up in this affair; in this wise: great
+      enemy of the virtue, wisdom, and sanctity of Monsignor Hierome Cornille,
+      named Jehan de la Haye, having learned that in the jail, the poor girl was
+      treated like a queen, wickedly accused the grand penitentiary of
+      connivance with her and of being her servitor, because, said this wicked
+      priest, she makes him young, amorous, and happy, from which the poor old
+      man died of grief in one day, knowing by this that Jehan de la Haye had
+      worn his ruin and coveted his dignities. In fact, our lord the archbishop
+      visited the jail, and found the Moorish woman in a pleasant place,
+      reposing comfortably, and without irons, because, having placed a diamond
+      in a place when none could have believed she could have held it, she had
+      purchased the clemency of her jailer. At the time certain persons said
+      that this jailer was smitten with her, and that from love, or perhaps in
+      great fear of the young barons, lovers of this woman, he had planned her
+      escape. The good man Cornille being at the point of death, through the
+      treachery of Jehan de la Haye, the Chapter thinking it necessary to make
+      null and void the proceedings taken by the penitentiary, and also his
+      decrees, the said Jehan de la Haye, at that time a simple vicar of the
+      cathedral, pointed out that to do this it would be sufficient to obtain a
+      public confession from the good man on his death-bed. Then was the
+      moribund tortured and tormented by the gentleman of the Chapter, those of
+      Saint Martin, those of Marmoustiers, by the archbishop and also by the
+      Pope&rsquo;s legate, in order that he might recant to the advantage of the
+      Church, to which the good man would not consent. But after a thousand
+      ills, the public confession was prepared, at which the most noteworthy
+      people of the town assisted, and the which spread more horror and
+      consternation than I can describe. The churches of the diocese held public
+      prayers for this calamity, and every one expected to see the devil tumble
+      into his house by the chimney. But the truth of it is that the good Master
+      Hierome had a fever, and saw cows in his room, and then was this
+      recantation obtained of him. The access passed, the poor saint wept
+      copiously on learning this trick from me. In fact, he died in my arms,
+      assisted by his physicians, heartbroken at this mummery, telling us that
+      he was going to the feet of God to pray to prevent the consummation of
+      this deplorable iniquity. The poor Moorish woman had touched him much by
+      her tears and repentance, seing that before making her demand for the
+      judgment of God he had minutely confessed her, and by that means had
+      disentangled the soul divine which was in the body, and of which he spoke
+      as of a diamond worthy of adorning the holy crown of God, when she should
+      have departed this life, after repenting her sins. Then, my dear son,
+      knowing by the statements made in the town, and by the naive responses of
+      this unhappy wretch, all the trickery of this affair, I determined by the
+      advice of Master Francois de Hangest, physician of the chapter, to feign
+      an illness and quit the service of the Church of St. Maurice and of the
+      archbishopric, in order not to dip my hands in the innocent blood, which
+      still cries and will continue to cry aloud unto God until the day of the
+      last judgment. Then was the jailer dismissed, and in his place was put the
+      second son of the torturer, who threw the Moorish woman into a dungeon,
+      and inhumanly put upon her hands and feet chains weighing fifty pounds,
+      besides a wooden waistband; and the jail were watched by the crossbowmen
+      of the town and the people of the archbishop. The wench was tormented and
+      tortured, and her bones were broken; conquered by sorrow, she made an
+      avowal according to the wishes of Jehan de la Haye, and was instantly
+      condemned to be burned in the enclosure of St. Etienne, having been
+      previously placed in the portals of the church, attired in a chemise of
+      sulphur, and her goods given over to the Chapter, et cetera. This order
+      was the cause of great disturbances and fighting in the town, because
+      three young knights of Touraine swore to die in the service of the poor
+      girl, and to deliver her in all possible ways. Then they came into the
+      town, accompanied by thousands of sufferers, labouring people, old
+      soldiers, warriors, courtesans, and others, whom the said girls had
+      succoured, saved from misfortune, from hunger and misery, and searched all
+      the poor dwellings of the town where lay those to whom she had done good.
+      Thus all were stirred up and called together to the plain of Mount-Louis
+      under the protection of the soldiers of the said lords; they had for
+      companions all the scape-graces of the said twenty leagues around, and
+      came one morning to lay siege to the prison of the archbishop, demanding
+      that the Moorish woman should be given up to them as though they would put
+      her to death, but in fact to set her free, and to place her secretly upon
+      a swift horse, that she might gain the open country, seeing that she rode
+      like a groom. Then in this frightful tempest of men have we seen between
+      the battlements of the archiepiscopal palace and the bridges, more than
+      ten thousand men swarming, besides those who were perched upon the roofs
+      of the houses and climbing on all the balconies to see the sedition; in
+      short it was easy to hear the horrible cries of the Christians, who were
+      terribly in earnest, and of those who surrounded the jail with the
+      intention of setting the poor girl free, across the Loire, the other side
+      of Saint Symphorien. The suffocation and squeezing of bodies was so great
+      in this immense crowd, bloodthirsty for the poor creature at whose knees
+      they would have fallen had they had the opportunity of seeing her, that
+      seven children, eleven women, and eight citizens were crushed and smashed
+      beyond all recognition, since they were like splodges of mud; in short, so
+      wide open was the great mouth of this popular leviathan, this horrible
+      monster, that the clamour was heard at Montils-les-Tours. All cried &lsquo;Death
+      to the Succubus! Throw out the demon! Ha! I&rsquo;d like a quarter! I&rsquo;ll have
+      her skin! The foot for me, the mane for thee! The head for me! The
+      something for me! Is it red? Shall we see? Will it be grilled? Death to
+      her! death!&rsquo; Each one had his say. But the cry, &lsquo;Largesse to God! Death to
+      the Succubus!&rsquo; was yelled at the same time by the crowd so hoarsely and so
+      cruelly that one&rsquo;s ears and heart bled therefrom; and the other cries were
+      scarcely heard in the houses. The archbishop decided, in order to calm
+      this storm which threatened to overthrow everything, to come out with
+      great pomp from the church, bearing the host, which would deliver the
+      Chapter from ruin, since the wicked young men and the lords had sworn to
+      destroy and burn the cloisters and all the canons. Now by this stratagem
+      the crowd was obliged to break up, and from lack of provisions return to
+      their houses. Then the monks of Touraine, the lords, and the citizens, in
+      great apprehension of pillage on the morrow, held a nocturnal council, and
+      accepted the advice of the Chapter. By their efforts the men-at-arms,
+      archers, knights, and citizens, in a large number, kept watch, and killed
+      a party of shepherds, road menders, and vagrants, who, knowing the
+      disturbed state of Tours, came to swell the ranks of the malcontents. The
+      Sire Harduin de Maille, an old nobleman, reasoned with the young knights,
+      who were the champions of the Moorish woman, and argued sagely with them,
+      asking them if for so small a woman they wished to put Touraine to fire
+      and sword; that even if they were victorious they would be masters of the
+      bad characters brought together by them; that these said freebooters,
+      after having sacked the castles of their enemies, would turn to those of
+      their chiefs. That the rebellion commenced had had no success in the first
+      attack, because up to that time the place was untouched, could they have
+      any over the church, which would invoke the aid of the king? And a
+      thousand other arguments. To these reasons the young knights replied, that
+      it was easy for the Chapter to aid the girl&rsquo;s escape in the night, and
+      that thus the cause of the sedition would be removed. To this humane and
+      wise requests replied Monseigneur de Censoris, the Pope&rsquo;s legate, that it
+      was necessary that strength should remain with the religion of the Church.
+      And thereupon the poor wench payed for all, since it was agreed that no
+      inquiry should be made concerning this sedition.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Then the Chapter had full licence to proceed to the penance of the girl,
+      to which act and ecclesiastical ceremony the people came from twelve
+      leagues around. So that on the day when, after divine satisfaction, the
+      Succubus was to be delivered up to secular justice, in order to be
+      publicly burnt at a stake, not for a gold pound would a lord or even an
+      abbott have been found lodging in the town of Tours. The night before many
+      camped outside the town in tents, or slept upon straw. Provisions were
+      lacking, and many who came with their bellies full, returned with their
+      bellies empty, having seen nothing but the reflection of the fire in the
+      distance. And the bad characters did good strokes of business by the way.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The poor courtesan was half dead; her hair had whitened. She was, to tell
+      the truth, nothing but a skeleton, scarcely covered with flesh, and her
+      chains weighed more than she did. If she had had joy in her life, she paid
+      dearly for it at this moment. Those who saw her pass say that she wept and
+      shrieked in a way that should have earned the pity of her hardest
+      pursuers; and in the church there were compelled to put a piece of wood in
+      her mouth, which she bit as a lizard bites a stick. Then the executioner
+      tied her to a stake to sustain her, since she let herself roll at times
+      and fell for want of strength. Then she suddenly recovered a vigorous
+      handful, because, this notwithstanding, she was able, it is said to break
+      her cords and escape into the church, where in remembrance of her old
+      vocation, she climbed quickly into galleries above, flying like a bird
+      along the little columns and small friezes. She was about to escape on to
+      the roof when a soldier perceived her, and thrust his spear in the sole of
+      her foot. In spite of her foot half cut through, the poor girl still ran
+      along the church without noticing it, going along with her bones broken
+      and her blood gushing out, so great fear had she of the flames of the
+      stake. At last she was taken and bound, thrown into a tumbrel and led to
+      the stake, without being afterwards heard to utter a cry. The account of
+      her flight in the church assisted in making the common people believe that
+      she was the devil, and some of them said that she had flown in the air. As
+      soon as the executioner of the town threw her into the flames, she made
+      two or three horrible leaps and fell down into the bottom of the pile,
+      which burned day and night. On the following evening I went to see if
+      anything remained of this gentle girl, so sweet, so loving, but I found
+      nothing but a fragment of the &lsquo;os stomachal,&rsquo; in which, is spite of this,
+      there still remained some moisture, and which some say still trembled like
+      a woman does in the same place. It is impossible to tell, my dear son, the
+      sadnesses, without number and without equal, which for about ten years
+      weighed upon me; always was I thinking of this angel burnt by wicked men,
+      and always I beheld her with her eyes full of love. In short the
+      supernatural gifts of this artless child were shining day and night before
+      me, and I prayed for her in the church, where she had been martyred. At
+      length I had neither the strength nor the courage to look without
+      trembling upon the grand penitentiary Jehan de la Haye, who died eaten up
+      by lice. Leprosy was his punishment. Fire burned his house and his wife;
+      and all those who had a hand in the burning had their own hands singed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;This, my well-beloved son, was the cause of a thousand ideas, which I
+      have here put into writing to be forever the rule of conduct in our
+      family.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I quitted the service of the church, and espoused your mother, from whom
+      I received infinite blessings, and with whom I shared my life, my goods,
+      my soul, and all. And she agreed with me in following precepts —Firstly,
+      that to live happily, it is necessary to keep far away from church people,
+      to honour them much without giving them leave to enter your house, any
+      more than to those who by right, just or unjust, are supposed to be
+      superior to us. Secondly, to take a modest condition, and to keep oneself
+      in it without wishing to appear in any way rich. To have a care to excite
+      no envy, nor strike any onesoever in any manner, because it is needful to
+      be as strong as an oak, which kills the plants at its feet, to crush
+      envious heads, and even then would one succumb, since human oaks are
+      especially rare and that no Tournebouche should flatter himself that he is
+      one, granting that he be a Tournebouche. Thirdly, never to spend more than
+      one quarter of one&rsquo;s income, conceal one&rsquo;s wealth, hide one&rsquo;s goods and
+      chattels, to undertake no office, to go to church like other people, and
+      always keep one&rsquo;s thoughts to oneself, seeing that they belong to you and
+      not to others, who twist them about, turn them after their own fashion,
+      and make calumnies therefrom. Fourthly, always to remain in the condition
+      of the Tournebouches, who are now and forever drapers. To marry your
+      daughters to good drapers, send your sons to be drapers in other towns of
+      France furnished with these wise precepts, and to bring them up to the
+      honour of drapery, and without leaving any dream of ambition in their
+      minds. A draper like a Tournebouche should be their glory, their arms,
+      their name, their motto, their life. Thus by being always drapers, they
+      will be always Tournebouches, and rub on like the good little insects,
+      who, once lodged in the beam, made their dens, and go on with security to
+      the end of their ball of thread. Fifthly never to speak any other language
+      than that of drapery, and never to dispute concerning religion or
+      government. And even though the government of the state, the province,
+      religion, and God turn about, or have a fancy to go to the right or to the
+      left, always in your quality of Tournebouche, stick to your cloth. Thus
+      unnoticed by the others of the town, the Tournebouches will live in peace
+      with their little Tournebouches—paying the tithes and taxes, and all
+      that they are required by force to give, be it to God, or to the king, to
+      the town of to the parish, with all of whom it is unwise to struggle. Also
+      it is necessary to keep the patrimonial treasure, to have peace and to buy
+      peace, never to owe anything, to have corn in the house, and enjoy
+      yourselves with the doors and windows shut.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;By this means none will take from the Tournebouches, neither the state,
+      nor the Church, nor the Lords, to whom should the case be that force is
+      employed, you will lend a few crowns without cherishing the idea of ever
+      seeing him again—I mean the crowns.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Thus, in all seasons people will love the Tournebouches, will mock the
+      Tournebouches as poor people—as the slow Tournebouches, as
+      Tournebouches of no understanding. Let the know-nothings say on. The
+      Tournebouches will neither be burned nor hanged, to the advantage of King
+      or Church, or other people; and the wise Tournebouches will have secretly
+      money in their pockets, and joy in their houses, hidden from all.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Now, my dear son, follow this the counsel of a modest and middle-class
+      life. Maintain this in thy family as a county charter; and when you die,
+      let your successor maintain it as the sacred gospel of the Tournebouches,
+      until God wills it that there be no longer Tournebouches in this world.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      This letter has been found at the time of the inventory made in the house
+      of Francois Tournebouche, lord of Veretz, chancellor to Monseigneur the
+      Dauphin, and condemned at the time of the rebellion of the said lord
+      against the King to lose his head, and have all his goods confiscated by
+      order of the Parliament of Paris. The said letter has been handed to the
+      Governor of Touraine as an historical curiosity, and joined to the pieces
+      of the process in the archbishopric of Tours, by me, Pierre Gaultier,
+      Sheriff, President of the Trades Council.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The author having finished the transcription and deciphering of these
+      parchments, translating them from their strange language into French, the
+      donor of them declared that the Rue Chaude at Tours was so called,
+      according to certain people, because the sun remained there longer than in
+      all other parts. But in spite of this version, people of lofty
+      understanding will find, in the warm way of the said Succubus, the real
+      origin of the said name. In which acquiesces the author. This teaches us
+      not to abuse our body, but use it wisely in view of our salvation.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0031" id="link2H_4_0031">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      DESPAIR IN LOVE
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      At the time when King Charles the Eighth took it into his head to decorate
+      the castle of Amboise, they came with him certain workmen, master
+      sculptors, good painters, and masons, or architects, who ornamented the
+      galleries with splendid works, which, through neglect, have since been
+      much spoiled.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      At that time the court was staying in this beautiful locality, and, as
+      everyone knows, the king took great pleasure in watching his people work
+      out their ideas. Among these foreign gentlemen was an Italian, named
+      Angelo Cappara, a most worthy young man, and, in spite of his age, a
+      better sculptor and engraver than any of them; and it astonished many to
+      see one in the April of his life so clever. Indeed, there had scarcely
+      sprouted upon his visage the hair which imprints upon a man virile
+      majesty. To this Angelo the ladies took a great fancy because he was
+      charming as a dream, and as melancholy as a dove left solitary in its nest
+      by the death of its mate. And this was the reason thereof: this sculptor
+      knew the curse of poverty, which mars and troubles all the actions of
+      life; he lived miserably, eating little, ashamed of his pennilessness, and
+      made use of his talents only through great despair, wishing by any means
+      to win that idle life which is the best all for those whose minds are
+      occupied. The Florentine, out of bravado, came to the court gallantly
+      attired, and from the timidity of youth and misfortune dared not ask his
+      money from the king, who, seeing him thus dressed, believed him well with
+      everything. The courtiers and the ladies used all to admire his beautiful
+      works, and also their author; but of money he got none. All, and the
+      ladies above all, finding him rich by nature, esteemed him well off with
+      his youth, his long black hair, and bright eyes, and did not give a
+      thought to lucre, while thinking of these things and the rest. Indeed they
+      were quite right, since these advantages gave to many a rascal of the
+      court, lands, money and all. In spite of his youthful appearance, Master
+      Angelo was twenty years of age, and no fool, had a large heart, a head
+      full of poetry; and more than that, was a man of lofty imaginings. But
+      although he had little confidence in himself, like all poor and
+      unfortunate people, he was astonished at the success of the ignorant. He
+      fancied that he was ill-fashioned, either in body or mind, and kept his
+      thoughts to himself. I am wrong, for he told them in the clear starlight
+      nights to the shadows, to God, to the devil, and everything about him. At
+      such times he would lament his fate in having a heart so warm, that
+      doubtless the ladies avoided him as they would a red-hot iron; then he
+      would say to himself how he would worship a beautiful mistress, how all
+      his life long he would honour her, and with what fidelity he would attach
+      himself to her, with what affection serve her, how studiously obey her
+      commands, with what sports he would dispel the light clouds of her
+      melancholy sadness on the days when the skies should be overcast.
+      Fashioning himself one out of his imagination, he would throw himself at
+      her feet, kiss, fondle, caress, bite, and clasp her with as much reality
+      as a prisoner scampers over the grass when he sees the green fields
+      through the bars of his cell. Thus he would appeal to her mercy; overcome
+      with his feelings, would stop her breath with his embraces, would become
+      daring in spite of his respect, and passionately bite the clothes of his
+      bed, seeking this celestial lady, full of courage when by himself, but
+      abashed on the morrow if he passed one by. Nevertheless, inflamed by these
+      amorous advances, he would hammer way anew at his marble figures, would
+      carve beautiful breasts, to bring the water into one&rsquo;s mouth at the sight
+      of those sweet fruits of love, without counting the other things that he
+      raised, carved, and caressed with the chisels, smoothed down with his
+      file, and fashioned in a manner that would make their use intelligible to
+      the mind of a greenhorn, and stain his verdure in a single day. The ladies
+      would criticise these beauties, and all of them were smitten with the
+      youthful Cappara. And the youthful Cappara would eye them up and down,
+      swearing that the day one of them gave him her little finger to kiss, he
+      would have his desire.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Among these high-born ladies there came one day one by herself to the
+      young Florentine, asking him why he was so shy, and if none of the court
+      ladies could make him sociable. Then she graciously invited him to come to
+      her house that evening.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Master Angelo perfumes himself, purchases a velvet mantle with a double
+      fringe of satin, borrows from a friend a cloak with wide sleeves, a
+      slashed doublet, and silken hose, arrives at the house, and ascends the
+      stairs with hasty feet, hope beaming from his eyes, knowing not what to do
+      with his heart, which leaped and bounded like a goat; and, to sum up, so
+      much over head and ears in love, that the perspiration trickled down his
+      back.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      You may be sure the lady was a beautiful, and Master Cappara was the more
+      aware of it, since in his profession he had studied the mouldings of the
+      arms, the lines of the body, the secret surroundings of the sex, and other
+      mysteries. Now this lady satisfied the especial rules of art; and besides
+      being fair and slender, she had a voice to disturb life in its source, to
+      stir fire of a heart, brain, and everything; in short, she put into one&rsquo;s
+      imagination delicious images of love without thinking of it, which is the
+      characteristic of these cursed women.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The sculptor found her seated by the fire in a high chair, and the lady
+      immediately commenced to converse at her ease, although Angelo could find
+      no other replies than &ldquo;Yes&rdquo; and &ldquo;No,&rdquo; could get no other words from his
+      throat nor idea in his brain, and would have beaten his head against the
+      fireplace but for the happiness of gazing at and listening to his lovely
+      mistress, who was playing there like a young fly in the sunshine. Because,
+      which this mute admiration, both remained until the middle of the night,
+      wandering slowly down the flowery path of love, the good sculptor went
+      away radiant with happiness. On the road, he concluded in his own mind,
+      that if a noble lady kept him rather close to her skirts during four hours
+      of the night, it would not matter a straw if she kept him there the
+      remainder. Drawing from these premises certain corollaries, he resolved to
+      ask her favours as a simple woman. Then he determined to kill everybody—the
+      husband, the wife, or himself—rather than lose the distaff whereon
+      to spin one hour of joy. Indeed, he was so mad with love, that he believed
+      life to be but a small stake in the game of love, since one single day of
+      it was worth a thousand lives.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The Florentine chiselled away at his statues, thinking of his evening, and
+      thus spoiled many a nose thinking of something else. Noticing this, he
+      left his work, perfumed himself, and went to listen to the sweet words of
+      his lady, with the hope of turning them into deeds; but when he was in the
+      presence of his sovereign, her feminine majesty made itself felt, and poor
+      Cappara, such a lion in street, looked sheepish when gazing at his victim.
+      This notwithstanding, towards the hour when desire becomes heated, he was
+      almost in the lady&rsquo;s lap and held her tightly clasped. He had obtained a
+      kiss, had taken it, much to his delight; for, when they give it, the
+      ladies retain the right of refusal, but when they left it to be taken, the
+      lover may take a thousand. This is the reason why all of them are
+      accustomed to let it be taken. The Florentine has stolen a great number,
+      and things were going on admirably, when the lady, who had been thrifty
+      with her favours, cried, &ldquo;My husband!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And, in fact, my lord had just returned from playing tennis, and the
+      sculptor had to leave the place, but not without receiving a warm glance
+      from the lady interrupted in her pleasure. This was all his substance,
+      pittance and enjoyment during a whole month, since on the brink of his joy
+      always came the said husband, and he always arrived wisely between a
+      point-blank refusal and those little sweet caresses with which women
+      always season their refusals—little things which reanimate love and
+      render it all the stronger. And when the sculptor, out of patience,
+      commenced, immediately upon his arrival, the skirmish of the skirt, in
+      order that victory might arrive before the husband, to whom, no doubt,
+      these disturbances were not without profit, his fine lady, seeing desire
+      written in the eyes of her sculptor, commenced endless quarrels and
+      altercations; at first she pretended to be jealous in order to rail
+      against love; then appeased the anger of the little one with the moisture
+      of a kiss, then kept the conversation to herself, and kept on saying that
+      her lover should be good, obedient to her will, otherwise she would not
+      yield to him her life and soul; that a desire was a small thing to offer a
+      mistress; that she was more courageous, because loving more she sacrificed
+      more, and to his propositions she would exclaim, &ldquo;Silence, sir!&rdquo; with the
+      air of a queen, and at times she would put on an angry look, to reply to
+      the reproachs of Cappara: &ldquo;If you are not as I wish you to be, I will no
+      longer love you.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The poor Italian saw, when it was too late, that this was not a noble
+      love, one of those which does not mete out joy as a miser his crowns; and
+      that this lady took delight in letting him jump about outside the hedge
+      and be master of everything, provided he touched not the garden of love.
+      At this business Cappara became a savage enough to kill anyone, and took
+      with him trusty companions, his friends, to whom he gave the task of
+      attacking the husband while walking home to bed after his game of tennis
+      with the king. He came to his lady at the accustomed hour when the sweet
+      sports of love were in full swing, which sports were long, lasting kisses,
+      hair twisted and untwisted, hand bitten with passion, ears as well;
+      indeed, the whole business, with the exception of that especial thing
+      which good authors rightly find abominable. The Florentine exclaims
+      between two hearty kisses—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Sweet one, do you love me more than anything?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; said she, because words never cost anything.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well then,&rdquo; replied the lover, &ldquo;be mine in deed as in word.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;But,&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;my husband will be here directly.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Is that the only reason?&rdquo; said he.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I have friends who will cross him, and will not let him go unless I show
+      a torch at this window. If he complain to the king, my friends will say,
+      they thought they were playing a joke on one of their own set.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah, my dear,&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;let me see if everyone in the house is gone to
+      bed.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      She rose, and held the light to the window. Seeing which Cappara blew out
+      the candle, seized his sword, and placing himself in front of the woman,
+      whose scorn and evil mind he recognised.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I will not kill you, madame,&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;but I will mark your face in such
+      a manner you will never again coquette with young lovers whose lives you
+      waste. You have deceived me shamefully, and are not a respectable woman.
+      You must know that a kiss will never sustain life in a true lover, and
+      that a kissed mouth needs the rest. Your have made my life forever dull
+      and wretched; now I will make you remember forever my death, which you
+      have caused. You shall never again behold yourself in a glass without
+      seeing there my face also.&rdquo; Then he raised his arm, and held the sword
+      ready to cut off a good slice of the fresh fair cheek, where still all the
+      traces of his kiss remained. And the lady exclaimed, &ldquo;You wretch!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Hold your tongue,&rdquo; said he; &ldquo;you told me that you loved me better than
+      anything. Now you say otherwise; each evening have you raised me a little
+      nearer to heaven; with one blow you cast me into hell, and you think that
+      your petticoat can save you from a lover&rsquo;s wrath—No!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah, my Angelo! I am thine,&rdquo; said she, marvelling at this man glaring with
+      rage.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But he, stepping three paces back, replied, &ldquo;Ah, woman of the court and
+      wicked heart, thou lovest, then, thy face better than thy lover.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      She turned pale, and humbly held up her face, for she understood that at
+      this moment her past perfidy wronged her present love. With a single blow
+      Angelo slashed her face, then left her house, and quitted the country. The
+      husband not having been stopped by reason of that light which was seen by
+      the Florentines, found his wife minus her left cheek. But she spoke not a
+      word in spite of her agony; she loved her Cappara more than life itself.
+      Nevertheless, the husband wished to know whence preceded this wound. No
+      one having been there except the Florentine, he complained to the king,
+      who had his workman hastily pursued, and ordered him to be hanged at
+      Blois. On the day of execution a noble lady was seized with a desire to
+      save this courageous man, whom she believed to be a lover of the right
+      sort. She begged the king to give him to her, which he did willingly. But
+      Cappara declaring that he belonged entirely to his lady, the memory of
+      whom he could not banish entirely, entered the Church, became a cardinal
+      and a great savant, and used to say in his old age that he had existed
+      upon the remembrance of the joys tasted in those poor hours of anguish; in
+      which he was, at the same time, both very well and very badly treated by
+      his lady. There are authors saying afterwards he succeeded better with his
+      old sweetheart, whose cheek healed; but I cannot believe this, because he
+      was a man of heart, who had a high opinion of the holy joys of love.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This teaches us nothing worth knowing, unless it be that there are unlucky
+      meetings in life, since this tale is in every way true. If in other places
+      the author has overshot the truth, this one will gain for him the
+      indulgence of the conclave or lovers.
+    </p>
+    <h2>
+      EPILOGUE
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      This second series comes in the merry month of June, when all is green and
+      gay, because the poor muse, whose slave the author is, has been more
+      capricious then the love of a queen, and has mysteriously wished to bring
+      forth her fruit in the time of flowers. No one can boast himself master of
+      this fay. At times, when grave thoughts occupy the mind and grieve the
+      brain, comes the jade whispering her merry tales in the author&rsquo;s ear,
+      tickling her lips with her feathers, dancing sarabands, and making the
+      house echo with her laughter. If by chance the writer, abandoning science
+      for pleasure, says to her, &ldquo;Wait a moment, little one, till I come,&rdquo; and
+      runs in great haste to play with the madcap, she has disappeared. She has
+      gone into her hole, hides herself there, rolls herself up, and retires.
+      Take the poker, take a staff, a cudgel, a cane, raise them, strike the
+      wench, and rave at her, she moans; strap her, she moans; caress her,
+      fondle her, she moans; kiss her, say to her, &ldquo;Here, little one,&rdquo; she
+      moans. Now she&rsquo;s cold, now she is going to die; adieu to love, adieu to
+      laughter, adieu to merriment, adieu to good stories. Wear mourning for
+      her, weep and fancy her dead, groan. Then she raises her head, her merry
+      laugh rings out again; she spreads her white wings, flies one knows not
+      wither, turns in the air, capers, shows her impish tail, her woman&rsquo;s
+      breasts, her strong loins, and her angelic face, shakes her perfumed
+      tresses, gambols in the rays of the sun, shines forth in all her beauty,
+      changes her colours like the breast of a dove, laughs until she cries,
+      cast the tears of her eyes into the sea, where the fishermen find them
+      transmuted into pretty pearls, which are gathered to adorn the foreheads
+      of queens. She twists about like a colt broken loose, exposing her virgin
+      charms, and a thousand things so fair that a pope would peril his
+      salvation for her at the mere sight of them. During these wild pranks of
+      the ungovernable beast you meet fools and friends, who say to the poor
+      poet, &ldquo;Where are your tales? Where are your new volumes? You are a pagan
+      prognosticator. Oh yes, you are known. You go to fetes and feasts, and do
+      nothing between your meals. Where&rsquo;s your work?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Although I am by nature partial to kindness, I should like to see one of
+      these people impaled in the Turkish fashion, and thus equipped, sent on
+      the Love Chase. Here endeth the second series; make the devil give it a
+      lift with his horns, and it will be well received by a smiling
+      Christendom.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0033" id="link2H_4_0033">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      VOLUME III
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <h2>
+      THE THIRD TEN TALES
+    </h2>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      PROLOGUE
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      Certain persons have interrogated the author as to why there was such a
+      demand for these tales that no year passes without his giving an
+      instalment of them, and why he has lately taken to writing commas mixed up
+      with bad syllables, at which the ladies publicly knit their brows, and
+      have put to him other questions of a like character.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The author declares that these treacherous words, cast like pebbles in his
+      path, have touched him in the very depths of his heart, and he is
+      sufficiently cognisant of his duty not to fail to give to his special
+      audience in this prologue certain reasons other than the preceding ones,
+      because it is always necessary to reason with children until they are
+      grown up, understand things, and hold their tongues; and because he
+      perceives many mischievous fellows among the crowd of noisy people, who
+      ignore at pleasure the real object of these volumes.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In the first place know, that if certain virtuous ladies—I say
+      virtuous because common and low class women do not read these stories,
+      preferring those that are never published; on the contrary, other
+      citizens&rsquo; wives and ladies, of high respectability and godliness, although
+      doubtless disgusted with the subject-matter, read them piously to satisfy
+      an evil spirit, and thus keep themselves virtuous. Do you understand, my
+      good reapers of horns? It is better to be deceived by the tale of a book
+      than cuckolded through the story of a gentleman. You are saved the damage
+      by this, poor fools! besides which, often your lady becomes enamoured, is
+      seized with fecund agitations to your advantage, raised in her by the
+      present book. Therefore do these volumes assist to populate the land and
+      maintain it in mirth, honour and health. I say mirth, because much is to
+      be derived from these tales. I say honour, because you save your nest from
+      the claws of that youthful demon named cuckoldom in the language of the
+      Celts. I say health, because this book incites that which was prescribed
+      by the Church of Salerno, for the avoidance of cerebral plethora. Can you
+      derive a like proof in any other typographically blackened portfolios? Ha!
+      ha! where are the books that make children? Think! Nowhere. But you will
+      find a glut of children making books which beget nothing but weariness.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But to continue. Now be it known that when ladies, of a virtuous nature
+      and a talkative turn of mind, converse publicly on the subject of these
+      volumes, a great number of them, far from reprimanding the author, confess
+      that they like him very much, esteem him a valiant man, worthy to be a
+      monk in the Abbey of Theleme. For as many reasons as there are stars in
+      the heavens, he does not drop the style which he has adopted in these said
+      tales, but lets himself be vituperated, and keeps steadily on his way,
+      because noble France is a woman who refuses to yield, crying, twisting
+      about, and saying,
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No, no, never! Oh, sir, what are you going to do? I won&rsquo;t let you; you&rsquo;d
+      rumple me.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And when the volume is done and finished, all smiles, she exclaims,
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh, master, are there any more to come?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      You may take it for granted that the author is a merry fellow, who
+      troubles himself little about the cries, tears and tricks of the lady you
+      call glory, fashion, or public favour, for he knows her to be a wanton who
+      would put up with any violence. He knows that in France her war-cry is <i>Mount
+      Joy</i>! A fine cry indeed, but one which certain writers have disfigured,
+      and which signifies, &ldquo;Joy it is not of the earth, it is there; seize it,
+      otherwise good-bye.&rdquo; The author has this interpretation from Rabelais, who
+      told it to him. If you search history, has France ever breathed a word
+      when she was joyous mounted, bravely mounted, passionately mounted,
+      mounted and out of breath? She goes furiously at everything, and likes
+      this exercise better than drinking. Now, do you not see that these volumes
+      are French, joyfully French, wildly French, French before, French behind,
+      French to the backbone. Back then, curs! strike up the music; silence,
+      bigots! advance my merry wags, my little pages, put your soft hands into
+      the ladies&rsquo; hands and tickle them in the middle—of the hand of
+      course. Ha! ha! these are high sounding and peripatetic reasons, or the
+      author knows nothing of sound and the philosophy of Aristotle. He has on
+      his side the crown of France and the oriflamme of the king and Monsieur
+      St. Denis, who, having lost his head, said &ldquo;Mount-my-Joy!&rdquo; Do you mean to
+      say, you quadrupeds, that the word is wrong? No. It was certainly heard by
+      a great many people at the time; but in these days of deep wretchedness
+      you believe nothing concerning the good old saints.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The author has not finished yet. Know all ye who read these tales with eye
+      and hand, feel them in the head alone, and love them for the joy they
+      bring you, and which goes to your heart, know that the author having in an
+      evil hour let his ideas, <i>id est</i>, his inheritance, go astray, and
+      being unable to get them together again, found himself in a state of
+      mental nudity. Then he cried like the woodcutter in the prologue of the
+      book of his dear master Rabelais, in order to make himself heard by the
+      gentleman on high, Lord Paramount of all things, and obtain from Him fresh
+      ideas. This said Most High, still busy with the congress of the time,
+      threw to him through Mercury an inkstand with two cups, on which was
+      engraved, after the manner of a motto, these three letters, <i>Ave</i>.
+      Then the poor fellow, perceiving no other help, took great care to turn
+      over this said inkstand to find out the hidden meaning of it, thinking
+      over the mysterious words and trying to find a key to them. First, he saw
+      that God was polite, like the great Lord as He is, because the world is
+      His, and He holds the title of it from no one. But since, in thinking over
+      the days of his youth, he remembered no great service rendered to God, the
+      author was in doubt concerning this hollow civility, and pondered long
+      without finding out the real substance of the celestial utensil. By reason
+      of turning it and twisting it about, studying it, looking at it, feeling
+      it, emptying it, knocking it in an interrogatory manner, smacking it down,
+      standing it up straight, standing it on one side, and turning it upside
+      down, he read backwards <i>Eva</i>. Who is <i>Eva</i>, if not all women in
+      one? Therefore by the Voice Divine was it said to the author:
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Think of women; woman will heal thy wound, stop the waste-hole in thy bag
+      of tricks. Woman is thy wealth; have but one woman, dress, undress, and
+      fondle that women, make use of the woman—woman is everything—woman
+      has an inkstand of her own; dip thy pen in that bottomless inkpot. Women
+      like love; make love to her with the pen only, tickle her phantasies, and
+      sketch merrily for her a thousand pictures of love in a thousand pretty
+      ways. Woman is generous, and all for one, or one for all, must pay the
+      painter, and furnish the hairs of the brush. Now, muse upon that which is
+      written here. <i>Ave</i>, Hail, <i>Eva</i>, woman; or <i>Eva</i>, woman,
+      <i>Ave</i>, Hail. Yes, she makes and unmakes. Heigh, then, for the
+      inkstand! What does woman like best? What does she desire? All the special
+      things of love; and woman is right. To have children, to produce an
+      imitation, of nature, which is always in labour. Come to me, then, woman!—come
+      to me, Eva!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      With this the author began to dip into that fertile inkpot, where there
+      was a brain-fluid, concocted by virtues from on high in a talismanic
+      fashion. From one cup there came serious things, which wrote themselves in
+      brown ink; and from the other trifling things, which merely gave a roseate
+      hue to the pages of the manuscript. The poor author has often, from
+      carelessness, mixed the inks, now here, now there; but as soon as the
+      heavy sentences, difficult to smooth, polish, and brighten up, of some
+      work suitable to the taste of the day are finished, the author, eager to
+      amuse himself, in spite of the small amount of merry ink remaining in the
+      left cup, steals and bears eagerly therefrom a few penfuls with great
+      delight. These said penfuls are, indeed, these same Droll Tales, the
+      authority on which is above suspicion, because it flows from a divine
+      source, as is shown in this the author&rsquo;s naive confession.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Certain evil-disposed people will still cry out at this; but can you find
+      a man perfectly contented on this lump of mud? Is it not a shame? In this
+      the author has wisely comported himself in imitation of a higher power;
+      and he proves it by <i>atqui</i>. Listen. Is it not most clearly
+      demonstrated to the learned that the sovereign Lord of worlds has made an
+      infinite number of heavy, weighty, and serious machines with great wheels,
+      large chains, terrible notches, and frightfully complicated screws and
+      weights like the roasting jack, but also has amused Himself with little
+      trifles and grotesque things light as zephyrs, and has made also naive and
+      pleasant creations, at which you laugh directly you see them? Is it not
+      so? Then in all eccentric works, such as the very spacious edifice
+      undertaken by the author, in order to model himself upon the laws of the
+      above-named Lord, it is necessary to fashion certain delicate flowers,
+      pleasant insects, fine dragons well twisted, imbricated, and coloured—nay,
+      even gilt, although he is often short of gold—and throw them at the
+      feet of his snow-clad mountains, piles of rocks, and other cloud-capped
+      philosophers, long and terrible works, marble columns, real thoughts
+      carved in porphyry.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Ah! unclean beasts, who despise and repudiate the figures, phantasies,
+      harmonies, and roulades of the fair muse of drollery, will you not pare
+      your claws, so that you may never again scratch her white skin, all azure
+      with veins, her amorous reins, her flanks of surpassing elegance, her feet
+      that stay modestly in bed, her satin face, her lustrous features, her
+      heart devoid of bitterness? Ah! wooden-heads, what will you say when you
+      find that this merry lass springs from the heart of France, agrees with
+      all that is womanly in nature, has been saluted with a polite <i>Ave</i>!
+      by the angels in the person of their spokesman, Mercury, and finally, is
+      the clearest quintessence of Art. In this work are to be met with
+      necessity, virtue, whim, the desire of a woman, the votive offering of a
+      stout Pantagruelist, all are here. Hold your peace, then, drink to the
+      author, and let his inkstand with the double cup endow the Gay Science
+      with a hundred glorious Droll Tales.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Stand back then, curs; strike up the music! Silence, bigots; out of the
+      way, dunces! step forward my merry wags!—my little pages! give your
+      soft hand to the ladies, and tickle theirs in the centre in a pretty
+      manner, saying to them, &ldquo;Read to laugh.&rdquo; Afterwards you can tell them some
+      mere jest to make them roar, since when they are laughing their lips are
+      apart, and they make but a faint resistance to love.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0037" id="link2H_4_0037">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      PERSEVERANCE IN LOVE
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      During the first years of the thirteenth century after the coming of our
+      Divine Saviour there happened in the City of Paris an amorous adventure,
+      through the deed of a man of Tours, of which the town and even the king&rsquo;s
+      court was never tired of speaking. As to the clergy, you will see by that
+      which is related the part they played in this history, the testimony of
+      which was by them preserved. This said man, called the Touranian by the
+      common people, because he had been born in our merry Touraine, had for his
+      true name that of Anseau. In his latter days the good man returned into
+      his own country and was mayor of St. Martin, according to the chronicles
+      of the abbey of that town; but at Paris he was a great silversmith.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But now in his prime, by his great honesty, his labours, and so forth, he
+      became a citizen of Paris and subject of the king, whose protection he
+      bought, according to the custom of the period. He had a house built for
+      him free of all quit-rent, close the Church of St. Leu, in the Rue St.
+      Denis, where his forge was well-known by those in want of fine jewels.
+      Although he was a Touranian, and had plenty of spirit and animation, he
+      kept himself virtuous as a true saint, in spite of the blandishments of
+      the city, and had passed the days of his green season without once
+      dragging his good name through the mire. Many will say this passes the
+      bounds of that faculty of belief which God has placed in us to aid that
+      faith due to the mysteries of our holy religion; so it is needful to
+      demonstrate abundantly the secret cause of this silversmith&rsquo;s chastity.
+      And, first remember that he came into the town on foot, poor as Job,
+      according to the old saying; and unlike all the inhabitants of our part of
+      the country, who have but one passion, he had a character of iron, and
+      persevered in the path he had chosen as steadily as a monk in vengeance.
+      As a workman, he laboured from morn to night; become a master, he laboured
+      still, always learning new secrets, seeking new receipts, and in seeking,
+      meeting with inventions of all kinds. Late idlers, watchmen, and vagrants
+      saw always a modest lamp shining through the silversmith&rsquo;s window, and the
+      good man tapping, sculpting, rounding, distilling, modeling, and
+      finishing, with his apprentices, his door closed and his ears open.
+      Poverty engendered hard work, hard work engendered his wonderful virtue,
+      and his virtue engendered his great wealth. Take this to heart, ye
+      children of Cain who eat doubloons and micturate water. If the good
+      silversmith felt himself possessed with wild desires, which now in one
+      way, now another, seize upon an unhappy bachelor when the devil tries to
+      get hold of him, making the sign of the cross, the Touranian hammered away
+      at his metal, drove out the rebellious spirits from his brain by bending
+      down over the exquisite works of art, little engravings, figures of gold
+      and silver forms, with which he appeased the anger of his Venus. Add to
+      this that this Touranian was an artless man, of simple understanding,
+      fearing God above all things, then robbers, next to that of nobles, and
+      more than all, a disturbance. Although if he had two hands, he never did
+      more than one thing at a time. His voice was as gentle as that of a
+      bridegroom before marriage. Although the clergy, the military, and others
+      gave him no reputation for knowledge, he knew well his mother&rsquo;s Latin, and
+      spoke it correctly without waiting to be asked. Latterly the Parisians had
+      taught him to walk uprightly, not to beat the bush for others, to measure
+      his passions by the rule of his revenues, not to let them take his leather
+      to make other&rsquo;s shoes, to trust no one farther then he could see them,
+      never to say what he did, and always to do what he said; never to spill
+      anything but water; to have a better memory than flies usually have; to
+      keep his hands to himself, to do the same with his purse; to avoid a crowd
+      at the corner of a street, and sell his jewels for more than they cost
+      him; all things, the sage observance of which gave him as much wisdom as
+      he had need of to do business comfortably and pleasantly. And so he did,
+      without troubling anyone else. And watching this good little man
+      unobserved, many said,
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;By my faith, I should like to be this jeweller, even were I obliged to
+      splash myself up to the eyes with the mud of Paris during a hundred years
+      for it.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      They might just as well have wished to be king of France, seeing that the
+      silversmith had great powerful nervous arms, so wonderfully strong that
+      when he closed his fist the cleverest trick of the roughest fellow could
+      not open it; from which you may be sure that whatever he got hold of he
+      stuck to. More than this, he had teeth fit to masticate iron, a stomach to
+      dissolve it, a duodenum to digest it, a sphincter to let it out again
+      without tearing, and shoulders that would bear a universe upon them, like
+      that pagan gentleman to whom the job was confided, and whom the timely
+      arrival of Jesus Christ discharged from the duty. He was, in fact, a man
+      made with one stroke, and they are the best, for those who have to be
+      touched are worth nothing, being patched up and finished at odd times. In
+      short, Master Anseau was a thorough man, with a lion&rsquo;s face, and under his
+      eyebrows a glance that would melt his gold if the fire of his forge had
+      gone out, but a limpid water placed in his eyes by the great Moderator of
+      all things tempered this great ardour, without which he would have burnt
+      up everything. Was he not a splendid specimen of a man?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      With such a sample of his cardinal virtues, some persist in asking why the
+      good silversmith remained as unmarried as an oyster, seeing that these
+      properties of nature are of good use in all places. But these opinionated
+      critics, do they know what it is to love? Ho! Ho! Easy! The vocation of a
+      lover is to go, to come, to listen, to watch, to hold his tongue, to talk,
+      to stick in a corner, to make himself big, to make himself little, to
+      agree, to play music, to drudge, to go to the devil wherever he may be, to
+      count the gray peas in the dovecote, to find flowers under the snow, to
+      say paternosters to the moon, to pat the cat and pat the dog, to salute
+      the friends, to flatter the gout, or the cold of the aunt, to say to her
+      at opportune moments &ldquo;You have good looks, and will yet write the epitaph
+      of the human race.&rdquo; To please all the relations, to tread on no one&rsquo;s
+      corns, to break no glasses, to waste no breath, to talk nonsense, to hold
+      ice in his hand, to say, &ldquo;This is good!&rdquo; or, &ldquo;Really, madam, you are very
+      beautiful so.&rdquo; And to vary that in a hundred different ways. To keep
+      himself cool, to bear himself like a nobleman, to have a free tongue and a
+      modest one, to endure with a smile all the evils the devil may invent on
+      his behalf, to smother his anger, to hold nature in control, to have the
+      finger of God, and the tail of the devil, to reward the mother, the
+      cousin, the servant; in fact, to put a good face on everything. In default
+      of which the female escapes and leaves you in a fix, without giving a
+      single Christian reason. In fact, the lover of the most gentle maid that
+      God ever created in a good-tempered moment, had he talked like a book,
+      jumped like a flea, turned about like dice, played like King David, and
+      built for the aforesaid woman the Corinthian order of the columns of the
+      devil, if he failed in the essential and hidden thing which pleases his
+      lady above all others, which often she does not know herself and which he
+      has need to know, the lass leaves him like a red leper. She is quite
+      right. No one can blame her for so doing. When this happens some men
+      become ill-tempered, cross, and more wretched than you can possibly
+      imagine. Have not many of them killed themselves through this petticoat
+      tyranny? In this matter the man distinguishes himself from the beast,
+      seeing that no animal ever yet lost his senses through blighted love,
+      which proves abundantly that animals have no souls. The employment of a
+      lover is that of a mountebank, of a soldier, of a quack, of a buffoon, of
+      a prince, of a ninny, of a king, of an idler, of a monk, of a dupe, of a
+      blackguard, of a liar, of a braggart, of a sycophant, of a numskull, of a
+      frivolous fool, of a blockhead, of a know-nothing, of a knave. An
+      employment from which Jesus abstained, in imitation of whom folks of great
+      understanding likewise disdain it; it is a vocation in which a man of
+      worth is required to spend above all things, his time, his life, his
+      blood, his best words, besides his heart, his soul, and his brain; things
+      to which the women are cruelly partial, because directly their tongues
+      begin to go, they say among themselves that if they have not the whole of
+      a man they have none of him. Be sure, also, that there are cats, who,
+      knitting their eyebrows, complain that a man does but a hundred things for
+      them, for the purpose of finding out if there be a hundred, at first
+      seeing that in everything they desire the most thorough spirit of conquest
+      and tyranny. And this high jurisprudence has always flourished among the
+      customs of Paris, where the women receive more wit at their baptism than
+      in any other place in the world, and thus are mischievous by birth.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But our silversmith, always busy at his work, burnishing gold and melting
+      silver, had no time to warm his love or to burnish and make shine his
+      fantasies, nor to show off, gad about, waste his time in mischief, or to
+      run after she-males. Now seeing that in Paris virgins do not fall into the
+      beds of young men any more than roast pheasants into the streets, not even
+      when the young men are royal silversmiths, the Touranian had the advantage
+      of having, as I have before observed, a continent member in his shirt.
+      However, the good man could not close his eyes to the advantage of nature
+      with which were so amply furnished the ladies with whom he dilated upon
+      the value of his jewels. So it was that, after listening to the gentle
+      discourse of the ladies, who tried to wheedle and to fondle him to obtain
+      a favour from him, the good Touranian would return to his home, dreamy as
+      a poet, wretched as a restless cuckoo, and would say to himself, &ldquo;I must
+      take to myself a wife. She would keep the house tidy, keep the plates hot
+      for me, fold the clothes for me, sew my buttons on, sing merrily about the
+      house, tease me to do everything according to her taste, would say to me
+      as they all say to their husbands when they want a jewel, &lsquo;Oh, my own pet,
+      look at this, is it not pretty?&rsquo; And every one in the quarter will think
+      of my wife and then of me, and say &lsquo;There&rsquo;s a happy man.&rsquo; Then the getting
+      married, the bridal festivities, to fondle Madame Silversmith, to dress
+      her superbly, give her a fine gold chain, to worship her from crown to
+      toe, to give her the whole management of the house, except the cash, to
+      give her a nice little room upstairs, with good windows, pretty, and hung
+      around with tapestry, with a wonderful chest in it and a fine large bed,
+      with twisted columns and curtains of yellow silk. He would buy her
+      beautiful mirrors, and there would always be a dozen or so of children,
+      his and hers, when he came home to greet him.&rdquo; Then wife and children
+      would vanish into the clouds. He transferred his melancholy imaginings to
+      fantastic designs, fashioned his amorous thoughts into grotesque jewels
+      that pleased their buyers well, they not knowing how many wives and
+      children were lost in the productions of the good man, who, the more
+      talent he threw into his art, the more disordered he became. Now if God
+      had not had pity upon him, he would have quitted this world without
+      knowing what love was, but would have known it in the other without that
+      metamorphosis of the flesh which spares it, according to Monsieur Plato, a
+      man of some authority, but who, not being a Christian, was wrong. But,
+      there! these preparatory digressions are the idle digressions and
+      fastidious commentaries which certain unbelievers compel a man to wind
+      about a tale, swaddling clothes about an infant when it should run about
+      stark naked. May the great devil give them a clyster with his red-hot
+      three-pronged fork. I am going on with my story now without further
+      circumlocution.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This is what happened to the silversmith in the one-and-fortieth year of
+      his age. One Sabbath-day while walking on the left bank of the Seine, led
+      by an idle fancy, he ventured as far as that meadow which has since been
+      called the Pre-aux-Clercs and which at that time was in the domain of the
+      abbey of St. Germain, and not in that of the University. There, still
+      strolling on the Touranian found himself in the open fields, and there met
+      a poor young girl who, seeing that he was well-dressed, curtsied to him,
+      saying &ldquo;Heaven preserve you, monseigneur.&rdquo; In saying this her voice had
+      such sympathetic sweetness that the silversmith felt his soul ravished by
+      this feminine melody, and conceived an affection for the girl, the more so
+      as, tormented with ideas of marriage as he was, everything was favourable
+      thereto. Nevertheless, as he had passed the wench by he dared not go back,
+      because he was as timid as a young maid who would die in her petticoats
+      rather than raise them for her pleasure. But when he was a bowshot off he
+      bethought him that he was a man who for ten years had been a master
+      silversmith, had become a citizen, and was a man of mark, and could look a
+      woman in the face if his fancy so led him, the more so as his imagination
+      had great power over him. So he turned suddenly back, as if he had changed
+      the direction of his stroll, and came upon the girl, who held by an old
+      cord her poor cow, who was munching grass that had grown on the border of
+      a ditch at the side of the road.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah, my pretty one,&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;you are not overburdened with the goods of
+      this world that you thus work with your hands upon the Lord&rsquo;s Day. Are you
+      not afraid of being cast into prison?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Monseigneur,&rdquo; replied the maid, casting down her eyes, &ldquo;I have nothing to
+      fear, because I belong to the abbey. The Lord Abbot has given me leave to
+      exercise the cow after vespers.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You love your cow, then, more than the salvation of your soul?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah, monseigneur, our beast is almost the half of our poor lives.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I am astonished, my girl, to see you poor and in rags, clothed like a
+      fagot, running barefoot about the fields on the Sabbath, when you carry
+      about you more treasures than you could dig up in the grounds of the
+      abbey. Do not the townspeople pursue, and torment you with love?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh, never monseigneur. I belong to the abbey&rdquo;, replied she, showing the
+      jeweller a collar on her left arm like those that the beasts of the field
+      have, but without the little bell, and at the same time casting such a
+      deplorable glance at our townsman that he was stricken quite sad, for by
+      the eyes are communicated contagions of the heart when they are strong.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And what does this mean?&rdquo; he said, wishing to hear all about it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      And he touched the collar, upon which was engraved the arms of the abbey
+      very distinctly, but which he did not wish to see.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Monseigneur, I am the daughter of an homme de corps; thus whoever unites
+      himself to me by marriage, will become a bondsman, even if he were a
+      citizen of Paris, and would belong body and goods to the abbey. If he
+      loved me otherwise, his children would still belong to the domain. For
+      this reason I am neglected by everyone, abandoned like a poor beast of the
+      field. But what makes me most unhappy is, that according to the pleasure
+      of monseigneur the abbot, I shall be coupled at some time with a bondsman.
+      And if I were less ugly than I am, at the sight of my collar the most
+      amorous would flee from me as from the black plague.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      So saying, she pulled her cow by the cord to make it follow her.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And how old are you?&rdquo; asked the silversmith.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I do not know, monseigneur; but our master, the abbot, has kept account.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      This great misery touched the heart of the good man, who had in his day
+      eaten the bread of sorrow. He regulated his pace to the girl&rsquo;s, and they
+      went together towards the water in painful silence. The good man gazed at
+      the fine forehead, the round red arms, the queen&rsquo;s waist, the feet dusty,
+      but made like those of a Virgin Mary; and the sweet physiognomy of this
+      girl, who was the living image of St. Genevieve, the patroness of Paris,
+      and the maidens who live in the fields. And make sure that this Joseph
+      suspected the pretty white of this sweet girl&rsquo;s breasts, which were by a
+      modest grace carefully covered with an old rag, and looked at them as a
+      schoolboy looks at a rosy apple on a hot day. Also, may you depend upon it
+      that these little hillocks of nature denoted a wench fashioned with
+      delicious perfection, like everything that the monks possess. Now, the
+      more it was forbidden our silversmith to touch them, the more his mouth
+      watered for these fruits of love. And his heart leaped almost into his
+      mouth.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You have a fine cow,&rdquo; said he.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Would you like a little milk?&rdquo; replied she. &ldquo;It is so warm these early
+      days of May. You are far from the town.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      In truth, the sky was a cloudless blue, and glared like a forge.
+      Everything was radiant with youth, the leaves, the air, the girls, the
+      lads; everything was burning, was green, and smelt like balm. This naive
+      offer, made without the hope of recompense, though a byzant would not have
+      paid for the special grace of this speech; and the modesty of the gesture
+      with which the poor girl turned to him gained the heart of the jeweller,
+      who would have liked to be able to put this bondswoman into the skin of a
+      queen, and Paris at her feet.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Nay, my child, I thirst not for milk, but for you, whom I would have
+      leave to liberate.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;That cannot be, and I shall die the property of the abbey. For years we
+      have lived so, from father to son, from mother to daughter. Like my
+      ancestors, I shall pass my days on this land, as will also my children,
+      because the abbot cannot legally let us go.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What!&rdquo; said the Touranian; &ldquo;has no gallant been tempted by your bright
+      eyes to buy your liberty, as I bought mine from the king?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;It would cost too dear; thus it is those whom at first sight I please, go
+      as they came.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And you have never thought of gaining another country in company of a
+      lover on horseback on a fleet courser?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh yes. But, monseigneur, if I were caught I should be hanged at least;
+      and my gallant, even were he a lord, would lose more than one domain over
+      it, besides other things. I am not worth so much; besides, the abbey has
+      arms longer than my feet are swift. So I live on in perfect obedience to
+      God, who has placed me in this plight.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What is your father?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;He tends the vines in the gardens of the abbey.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And your mother?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;She is a washerwoman.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And what is your name?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I have no name, dear sir. My father was baptised Etienne, my mother is
+      Etienne, and I am Tiennette, at your service.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Sweetheart,&rdquo; said the jeweller, &ldquo;never has woman pleased me as you please
+      me; and I believe that your heart contains a wealth of goodness. Now,
+      since you offered yourself to my eyes at the moment when I was firmly
+      deliberating upon taking a companion, I believe that I see in you a sign
+      from heaven! And if I am not displeasing to you, I beg you to accept me as
+      your friend.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Immediately the maid lowered her eyes. These words were uttered in such a
+      way, in so grave a tone, so penetrating a manner, that the said Tiennette
+      burst into tears.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No, monseigneur, I should be the cause of a thousand unpleasantnesses,
+      and of your misfortune. For a poor bondsmaid, the conversation has gone
+      far enough.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ho!&rdquo; cried Anseau; &ldquo;you do not know, my child, the man you are dealing
+      with.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The Touranian crossed himself, joined his hands, and said—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I make a vow to Monsieur the Saint Eloi, under whose invocation are the
+      silversmiths, to fashion two images of pure silver, with the best
+      workmanship I am able to perform. One shall be a statue of Madame the
+      Virgin, to this end, to thank her for the liberty of my dear wife; and the
+      other for my said patron, if I am successful in my undertaking to liberate
+      the bondswoman Tiennette here present, and for which I rely upon his
+      assistance. Moreover, I swear by my eternal salvation, to persevere with
+      courage in this affair, to spend therein all I process, and only to quit
+      it with my life. God has heard me,&rdquo; said he. &ldquo;And you, little one,&rdquo; he
+      added, turning towards the maid.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ha! monseigneur, look! My cow is running about the fields,&rdquo; cried she,
+      sobbing at the good man&rsquo;s knees. &ldquo;I will love you all my life; but
+      withdraw your vow.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Let us to look after the cow,&rdquo; said the silversmith, raising her, without
+      daring yet to kiss her, although the maid was well disposed to it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;for I shall be beaten.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And behold now the silversmith, scampering after the cursed cow, who gave
+      no heed to their amours; she was taken by the horns, and held in the grip
+      of the Touranian, who for a trifle would have thrown her in the air, like
+      a straw.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Adieu, my sweet one! If you go into the town, come to my house, over
+      against St Leu&rsquo;s Church. I am called Master Anseau, and am silversmith to
+      the King of France, at the sign of St. Eloi. Make me a promise to be in
+      this field the next Lord&rsquo;s-Day; fail not to come, even should it rain
+      halberds.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, dear Sir. For this I would leap the walls, and, in gratitude, would
+      I be yours without mischief, and cause you no sorrow, at the price of my
+      everlasting future. Awaiting the happy moment, I will pray God for you
+      with all my heart.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And then she remained standing like a stone saint, moving not, until she
+      could see the good citizen no longer, and he went away with lagging steps,
+      turning from time to time further to gaze upon her. And when he was far
+      off, and out of her sight, she stayed on, until nightfall, lost in
+      meditation, knowing not if she had dreamed that which had happened to her.
+      Then she went back to the house, where she was beaten for staying out, but
+      felt not the blows. The good silversmith could neither eat nor drink, but
+      closed his workshop, possessed of this girl, thinking of nothing but this
+      girl, seeing everywhere the girl; everything to him being to possess this
+      girl. Now when the morrow was come, he went with great apprehension
+      towards the abbey to speak to the lord abbot. On the road, however, he
+      suddenly thought of putting himself under the protection of one of the
+      king&rsquo;s people, and with this idea returned to the court, which was then
+      held in the town. Being esteemed by all for his prudence, and loved for
+      his little works and kindnesses, the king&rsquo;s chamberlain—for whom he
+      had once made, for a present to a lady of the court, a golden casket set
+      with precious stones and unique of its kind—promised him assistance,
+      had a horse saddled for himself, and a hack for the silversmith, with whom
+      he set out for the abbey, and asked to see the abbot, who was Monseigneur
+      Hugon de Sennecterre, aged ninety-three. Being come into the room with the
+      silversmith, waiting nervously to receive his sentence, the chamberlain
+      begged the abbot to sell him in advance a thing which was easy for him to
+      sell, and which would be pleasant to him.
+    </p>
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/405s.jpg" alt="405s " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h4>
+      <a href="images/405.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a
+      href="images/405m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a>
+    </h4>
+    <p>
+      To which the abbot replied, looking at the chamberlain—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;That the canons inhibited and forbade him thus to engage his word.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Behold, my dear father,&rdquo; said the chamberlain, &ldquo;the jeweller of the Court
+      who has conceived a great love for a bondswoman belonging to your abbey,
+      and I request you, in consideration of my obliging you in any such desire
+      as you may wish to see accomplished, to emancipate this maid.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Which is she?&rdquo; asked the abbot of the citizen.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Her name is Tiennette,&rdquo; answered the silversmith, timidly.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ho! ho!&rdquo; said the good old Hugon, smiling. &ldquo;The angler has caught us a
+      good fish! This is a grave business, and I know not how to decide by
+      myself.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I know, my father, what those words mean,&rdquo; said that chamberlain,
+      knitting his brows.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Fine sir,&rdquo; said the abbot, &ldquo;know you what this maid is worth?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The abbot ordered Tiennette to be fetched, telling his clerk to dress her
+      in her finest clothes, and to make her look as nice as possible.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Your love is in danger,&rdquo; said that chamberlain to the silversmith,
+      pulling him on one side. &ldquo;Dismiss this fantasy. You can meet anywhere,
+      even at Court, with women of wealth, young and pretty, who would willingly
+      marry you. For this, if need be, the king would assist you by giving you
+      some title, which in course of time would enable you to found a good
+      family. Are you sufficiently well furnished with crowns to become the
+      founder of a noble line?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I know not, monseigneur,&rdquo; replied Anseau. &ldquo;I have put money by.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Then see if you cannot buy the manumission of this maid. I know the
+      monks. With them money does everything.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Monseigneur,&rdquo; said the silversmith to the abbot, coming towards him, &ldquo;you
+      have the charge and office representing here below the goodness of God,
+      who is often clement towards us, and has infinite treasures of mercy for
+      our sorrows. Now, I will remember you each evening and each morning in my
+      prayers, and never forget that I received my happiness at your hands, if
+      you aid me to gain this maid in lawful wedlock, without keeping in
+      servitude the children born of this union. And for this I will make you a
+      receptacle for the Holy Eucharist, so elaborate, so rich with gold,
+      precious stones and winged angels, that no other shall be like it in all
+      Christendom. It shall remain unique, it shall dazzle your eyesight, and
+      shall be so far the glory of your altar, that the people of the towns and
+      foreign nobles shall rush to it, so magnificent shall it be.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My son,&rdquo; replied the abbot &ldquo;have you lost your senses? If you are so
+      resolved to have this wench for a legal wife, your goods and your person
+      belong to the Chapter of the abbey.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, monseigneur, I am passionately in love with this girl, and more
+      touched with her misery and her Christian heart than even with her
+      perfections; but I am,&rdquo; said he, with tears in his eyes, &ldquo;still more
+      astonished at your harshness, and I say it although I know that my fate is
+      in your hands. Yes, monseigneur, I know the law; and if my goods fall to
+      your domain, if I become a bondsman, if I lose my house and my
+      citizenship, I will still keep that engine, gained by my labours and my
+      studies, on which lies there,&rdquo; cried he, striking his forehead &ldquo;in a place
+      of which no one, save God, can be lord but myself. And your whole abbey
+      could not pay for the special creations which proceed therefrom. You may
+      have my body, my wife, my children, but nothing shall get you my engine;
+      nay, not even torture, seeing that I am stronger than iron is hard, and
+      more patient than sorrow is great.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      So saying, the silversmith, enraged by the calmness of the abbot, who
+      seemed resolved to acquire for the abbey the good man&rsquo;s doubloons, brought
+      down his fist upon an oaken chair and shivered it into fragments, for it
+      split as under the blow of a mace.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Behold, monseigneur, what kind of servant you will have, and of an
+      artificer of things divine you will make a mere cart-horse.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My son,&rdquo; replied the abbot, &ldquo;you have wrongfully broken my chair, and
+      lightly judged my mind. This wench belongs to the abbey and not to me. I
+      am the faithful servant of the rights and customs of this glorious
+      monastery; although I might grant this woman license to bear free
+      children, I am responsible for this to God and to the abbey. Now, since
+      there was here an altar, bondsmen and monks, <i>id est</i>, from time
+      immemorial, there has never occurred the case of a citizen becoming the
+      property of the abbey by marriage with a bondswoman. Now, therefore, is
+      there need to exercise the right, and to make use of it so that it would
+      not be lost, weakened, worn out, or fallen into disuse, which would
+      occasion a thousand difficulties. And this is of higher advantage to the
+      State and to the abbey than your stones, however beautiful they be, seeing
+      that we have treasure wherewith to buy rare jewels, and that no treasure
+      can establish customs and laws. I call upon the king&rsquo;s chamberlain to bear
+      witness to the infinite pains which his majesty takes every day to fight
+      for the establishment of his orders.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;That is to close my mouth,&rdquo; said the chamberlain.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The silversmith, who was not a great scholar, remained thoughtful. Then
+      came Tiennette, clean as a new pin, her hair raised up, dressed in a robe
+      of white wool with a blue sash, with tiny shoes and white stockings; in
+      fact, so royally beautiful, so noble in her bearing was she, that the
+      silversmith was petrified with ecstasy, and the chamberlain confessed he
+      had never seen so perfect a creature. Thinking there was too much danger
+      in this sight for the poor jeweller, he led him into the town, and begged
+      him to think no further of the affair, since the abbey was not likely to
+      liberate so good a bait for the citizens and nobles of the Parisian
+      stream. In fact, the Chapter let the poor lover know that if he married
+      this girl he must resolve to yield up his goods and his house to the
+      abbey, consider himself a bondsman, both he and the children of the
+      aforesaid marriage; although, by a special grace, the abbey would let him
+      his house on the condition of his giving an inventory of his furniture and
+      paying a yearly rent, and coming during eight days to live in a shed
+      adjoining the domain, thus performing an act of service. The silversmith,
+      to whom everyone spoke of the cupidity of the monks, saw clearly that the
+      abbot would incommutably maintain this order, and his soul was filled with
+      despair. At one time he determined to burn down the monastery; at another,
+      he proposed to lure the abbot into a place where he could torment him
+      until he had signed a charter for Tiennette&rsquo;s liberation; in fact a
+      thousand ideas possessed his brain, and as quickly evaporated. But after
+      much lamentation he determined to carry off the girl, and fly with her
+      into her a sure place from which nothing could draw him, and made his
+      preparations accordingly; for once out of the kingdom, his friends or the
+      king could better tackle the monks and bring them to reason. The good man
+      counted, however, without his abbot, for going to the meadows, he found
+      Tiennette no more there, and learned that she was confined in the abbey,
+      and with much rigour, that to get at her it would be necessary to lay
+      siege to the monastery. Then Master Anseau passed his time in tears,
+      complaints, and lamentations; and all the city, the townspeople, and
+      housewives, talked of his adventure, the noise of which was so great, that
+      the king sent for the old abbot to court, and demanded of him why he did
+      not yield under the circumstances to the great love of the silversmith,
+      and why he did not put into practice Christian charity.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Because, monseigneur,&rdquo; replied the priest, &ldquo;all rights are knit together
+      like the pieces of a coat of mail, and if one makes default, all fail. If
+      this girl was taken from us against our wish, and if the custom were not
+      observed, your subjects would soon take off your crown, and raise up in
+      various places violence and sedition, in order to abolish the taxes and
+      imposts that weigh upon the populace.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The king&rsquo;s mouth was closed. Everyone was eager to know the end of this
+      adventure. So great was the curiosity that certain lords wagered that the
+      Touranian would desist from his love, and the ladies wagered to the
+      contrary. The silversmith having complained to the queen that the monks
+      had hidden his well-beloved from his sight, she found the deed detestable
+      and horrible; and in consequence of her commands to the lord abbot it was
+      permitted to the Touranian to go every day into the parlour of the abbey,
+      where came Tiennette, but under the control of an old monk, and she always
+      came attired in great splendour like a lady. The two lovers had no other
+      license than to see each other, and to speak to each other, without being
+      able to snatch the smallest atom of pleasure, and always grew their love
+      more powerful.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      One day Tiennette discoursed thus with her lover—&ldquo;My dear lord, I
+      have determined to make you a gift of my life, in order to relieve your
+      suffering, and in this wise; in informing myself concerning everything I
+      have found a means to set aside the rights of the abbey, and to give you
+      all the joy you hope for from my fruition.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The ecclesiastical judge has ruled that as you become a bondsman only by
+      accession, and because you were not born a bondsman, your servitude will
+      cease with the cause that makes you a serf. Now, if you love me more than
+      all else, lose your goods to purchase our happiness, and espouse me. Then
+      when you have had your will of me, when you have hugged me and embraced me
+      to your heart&rsquo;s content, before I have offspring will I voluntarily kill
+      myself, and thus you become free again; at least you will have the king on
+      your side, who, it is said, wishes you well. And without doubt, God will
+      pardon me that I cause my own death, in order to deliver my lord spouse.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My dear Tiennette,&rdquo; cried the jeweller, &ldquo;it is finished—I will be a
+      bondsman, and thou wilt live to make my happiness as long as my days. In
+      thy company, the hardest chains will weigh but lightly, and little shall I
+      reck the want of gold, when all my riches are in thy heart, and my only
+      pleasure in thy sweet body. I place myself in the hands of St. Eloi, will
+      deign in this misery to look upon us with pitying eyes, and guard us from
+      all evils. Now I shall go hence to a scrivener to have the deeds and
+      contracts drawn up. At least, dear flower of my days, thou shalt be
+      gorgeously attired, well housed, and served like a queen during thy
+      lifetime, since the lord abbot leaves me the earnings of my profession.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Tiennette, crying and laughing, tried to put off her good fortune and
+      wished to die, rather than reduce to slavery a free man; but the good
+      Anseau whispered such soft words to her, and threatened so firmly to
+      follow her to the tomb, that she agreed to the said marriage, thinking
+      that she could always free herself after having tasted the pleasures of
+      love.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When the submission of the Touranian became known in the town, and that
+      for his sweetheart he yielded up his wealth and his liberty, everyone
+      wished to see him. The ladies of the court encumbered themselves with
+      jewels, in order to speak with him, and there fell upon him as from the
+      clouds women enough to make up for the time he had been without them; but
+      if any of them approached Tiennette in beauty, none had her heart. To be
+      brief, when the hour of slavery and love was at hand, Anseau remolded all
+      of his gold into a royal crown, in which he fixed all his pearls and
+      diamonds, and went secretly to the queen, and gave it to her, saying,
+      &ldquo;Madame, I know not how to dispose of my fortune, which you here behold.
+      Tomorrow everything that is found in my house will be the property of the
+      cursed monks, who have had no pity on me. Then deign, madame, to accept
+      this. It is a slight return for the joy which, through you, I have
+      experienced in seeing her I love; for no sum of money is worth one of her
+      glances. I do not know what will become of me, but if one day my children
+      are delivered, I rely upon your queenly generosity.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well said, good man,&rdquo; cried the king. &ldquo;The abbey will one day need my aid
+      and I will not lose the remembrance of this.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      There was a vast crowd at the abbey for the nuptials of Tiennette, to whom
+      the queen presented the bridal dress, and to whom the king granted a
+      licence to wear every day golden rings in her ears. When the charming pair
+      came from the abbey to the house of Anseau (now serf) over against St.
+      Leu, there were torches at the windows to see them pass, and a double line
+      in the streets, as though it were a royal entry. The poor husband had made
+      himself a collar of gold, which he wore on his left arm in token of his
+      belonging to the abbey of St. Germain. But in spite of his servitude the
+      people cried out, &ldquo;Noel! Noel!&rdquo; as to a new crowned king. And the good man
+      bowed to them gracefully, happy as a lover, and joyful at the homage which
+      every one rendered to the grace and modesty of Tiennette. Then the good
+      Touranian found green boughs and violets in crowns in his honour; and the
+      principal inhabitants of the quarter were all there, who as a great
+      honour, played music to him, and cried to him, &ldquo;You will always be a noble
+      man in spite of the abbey.&rdquo; You may be sure that the happy pair indulged
+      an amorous conflict to their hearts&rsquo; content; that the good man&rsquo;s blows
+      were vigorous; and that his sweetheart, like a good country maiden, was of
+      a nature to return them. Thus they lived together a whole month, happy as
+      the doves, who in springtime build their nest twig by twig. Tiennette was
+      delighted with the beautiful house and the customers, who came and went
+      away astonished at her. This month of flowers past, there came one day,
+      with great pomp, the good old Abbot Hugon, their lord and master, who
+      entered the house, which then belonged not the jeweller but to the
+      Chapter, and said to the two spouses:—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My children, you are released, free and quit of everything; and I should
+      tell you that from the first I was much struck with the love which united
+      you one to the other. The rights of the abbey once recognised, I was, so
+      far as I was concerned, determined to restore you to perfect enjoyment,
+      after having proved your loyalty by the test of God. And this manumission
+      will cost you nothing.&rdquo; Having thus said, he gave them each a little tap
+      with his hand on the cheek. And they fell about his knees weeping tears of
+      joy for such good reasons. The Touranian informed the people of the
+      neighbourhood, who picked up in the street the largesse, and received the
+      predictions of the good Abbott Hugon.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then it was with great honour, Master Anseau held the reins of his mule,
+      so far as the gate of Bussy. During the journey the jeweller, who had
+      taken a bag of silver, threw the pieces to the poor and suffering, crying,
+      &ldquo;Largesse, largesse to God! God save and guard the abbot! Long live the
+      good Lord Hugon!&rdquo; And returning to his house he regaled his friends, and
+      had fresh wedding festivities, which lasted a fortnight. You can imagine
+      that the abbot was reproached by the Chapter, for his clemency in opening
+      the door for such good prey to escape, so that when a year after the good
+      man Hugon fell ill, his prior told him that it was a punishment from
+      Heaven because he had neglected the sacred interests of the Chapter and of
+      God.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;If I have judged that man aright,&rdquo; said the abbot, &ldquo;he will not forget
+      what he owes us.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      In fact, this day happening by chance to be the anniversary of the
+      marriage, a monk came to announce that the silversmith supplicated his
+      benefactor to receive him. Soon he entered the room where the abbot was,
+      and spread out before him two marvellous shrines, which since that time no
+      workman has surpassed, in any portion of the Christian world, and which
+      were named &ldquo;Vow of a Steadfast Love.&rdquo; These two treasures are, as everyone
+      knows, placed on the principal altar of the church, and are esteemed as an
+      inestimable work, for the silversmith had spent therein all his wealth.
+      Nevertheless, this wealth, far from emptying his purse, filled it full to
+      overflowing, because so rapidly increased his fame and his fortune that he
+      was able to buy a patent of nobility and lands, and he founded the house
+      of Anseau, which has since been held in great honour in fair Touraine.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This teaches us to have always recourse to God and the saints in all the
+      undertakings of life, to be steadfast in all things, and, above all, that
+      a great love triumphs over everything, which is an old sentence; but the
+      author has rewritten it because it is a most pleasant one.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0038" id="link2H_4_0038">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      CONCERNING A PROVOST WHO DID NOT RECOGNISE THINGS
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      In the good town of Bourges, at the time when that lord the king disported
+      himself there, who afterwards abandoned his search after pleasure to
+      conquer the kingdom, and did indeed conquer it, lived there a provost,
+      entrusted by him with the maintenance of order, and called the
+      provost-royal. From which came, under the glorious son of the said king,
+      the office of provost of the hotel, in which behaved rather harshly my
+      lord Tristan of Mere, of whom these tales oft make mention, although he
+      was by no means a merry fellow. I give this information to the friends who
+      pilfer from old manuscripts to manufacture new ones, and I show thereby
+      how learned these Tales really are, without appearing to be so. Very well,
+      then, this provost was named Picot or Picault, of which some made picotin,
+      picoter, and picoree; by some Pitot or Pitaut, from which comes <i>pitance</i>;
+      by others in Languedoc, Pichot from which comes nothing comes worth
+      knowing; by these Petiot or Petiet; by those Petitot and Petinault, or
+      Petiniaud, which was the masonic appellation; but at Bourges he was called
+      Petit, a name which was eventually adopted by the family, which has
+      multiplied exceedingly, for everywhere you find &ldquo;<i>des Petits</i>,&rdquo; and
+      so he will be called Petit in this narrative. I have given this etymology
+      in order to throw a light on our language, and show how our citizens have
+      finished by acquiring names. But enough of science.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This said provost, who had as many names as there were provinces into
+      which the court went, was in reality a little bit of a man, whose mother
+      had given him so strange a hide, that when he wanted to laugh he used to
+      stretch his cheeks like a cow making water, and this smile at court was
+      called the provost&rsquo;s smile. One day the king, hearing this proverbial
+      expression used by certain lords, said jokingly—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You are in error, gentlemen, Petit does not laugh, he&rsquo;s short of skin
+      below the mouth.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      But with his forced laugh Petit was all the more suited to his occupation
+      of watching and catching evil-doers. In fact, he was worth what he cost.
+      For all malice, he was a bit of a cuckold, for all vice, he went to
+      vespers, for all wisdom he obeyed God, when it was convenient; for all joy
+      he had a wife in his house; and for all change in his joy he looked for a
+      man to hang, and when he was asked to find one he never failed to meet
+      him; but when he was between the sheets he never troubled himself about
+      thieves. Can you find in all Christendom a more virtuous provost? No! All
+      provosts hang too little, or too much, while this one just hanged as much
+      as was necessary to be a provost.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This good fellow had for his wife in legitimate marriage, and much to the
+      astonishment of everyone, the prettiest little woman in Bourges. So it was
+      that often, while on his road to the execution, he would ask God the same
+      question as several others in the town did—namely, why he, Petit, he
+      the sheriff, he the provost royal, had to himself, Petit, provost royal
+      and sheriff, a wife so exquisitely shapely, said dowered with charms, that
+      a donkey seeing her pass by would bray with delight. To this God
+      vouchsafed no reply, and doubtless had his reasons. But the slanderous
+      tongues of the town replied for him, that the young lady was by no means a
+      maiden when she became the wife of Petit. Others said she did not keep her
+      affections solely for him. The wags answered, that donkeys often get into
+      fine stables. Everyone had taunts ready which would have made a nice
+      little collection had anyone gathered them together. From them, however,
+      it is necessary to take nearly four-fourths, seeing that Petit&rsquo;s wife was
+      a virtuous woman, who had a lover for pleasure and a husband for duty. How
+      many were there in the town as careful of their hearts and mouths? If you
+      can point out one to me, I&rsquo;ll give you a kick or a half-penny, whichever
+      you like. You will find some who have neither husband nor lover. Certain
+      females have a lover and no husband. Ugly women have a husband and no
+      lover. But to meet with a woman who, having one husband and one lover,
+      keeps to the deuce without trying for the trey, there is the miracle, you
+      see, you greenhorns, blockheads, and dolts! Now then, put the true
+      character of this virtuous woman on the tablets of your memory, go your
+      ways, and let me go mine.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The good Madame Petit was not one of those ladies who are always on the
+      move, running hither and thither, can&rsquo;t keep still a moment, but trot
+      about, worrying, hurrying, chattering, and clattering, and had nothing in
+      them to keep them steady, but are so light that they run after a gastric
+      zephyr as after their quintessence. No; on the contrary, she was a good
+      housewife, always sitting in her chair or sleeping in her bed, ready as a
+      candlestick, waiting for her lover when her husband went out, receiving
+      the husband when the lover had gone. This dear woman never thought of
+      dressing herself only to annoy and make other wives jealous. Pish! She had
+      found a better use for the merry time of youth, and put life into her
+      joints in order to make the best use of it. Now you know the provost and
+      his good wife.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The provost&rsquo;s lieutenant in duties matrimonial, duties which are so heavy
+      that it takes two men to execute them, was a noble lord, a landowner, who
+      disliked the king exceedingly. You must bear this in mind, because it is
+      one of the principal points of the story. The Constable, who was a
+      thorough Scotch gentleman, had seen by chance Petit&rsquo;s wife, and wished to
+      have a little conversation with her comfortably, towards the morning, just
+      the time to tell his beads, which was Christianly honest, or honestly
+      Christian, in order to argue with her concerning the things of science or
+      the science of things. Thinking herself quite learned enough, Madame
+      Petit, who was, as has been stated, a virtuous, wise, and honest wife,
+      refused to listen to the said constable. After certain arguments,
+      reasonings, tricks and messages, which were of no avail, he swore by his
+      great black <i>coquedouille</i> that he would rip up the gallant although
+      he was a man of mark. But he swore nothing about the lady. This denotes a
+      good Frenchman, for in such a dilemma there are certain offended persons
+      who would upset the whole business of three persons by killing four. The
+      constable wagered his big black <i>coquedouille</i> before the king and
+      the lady of Sorel, who were playing cards before supper; and his majesty
+      was well pleased, because he would be relieved of this noble, that
+      displeased him, and that without costing him a Thank You.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And how will you manage the affair?&rdquo; said Madame de Sorel to him, with a
+      smile.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh, oh!&rdquo; replied the constable. &ldquo;You may be sure, madame, I do not wish
+      to lose my big black coquedouille.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What was, then, this great coquedouille?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ha, ha! This point is shrouded in darkness to a degree that would make
+      you ruin your eyes in ancient books; but it was certainly something of
+      great importance. Nevertheless, let us put on our spectacles, and search
+      it out. <i>Douille</i> signifies in Brittany, a girl, and <i>coque</i>
+      means a cook&rsquo;s frying pan. From this word has come into France that of <i>coquin</i>—a
+      knave who eats, licks, laps, sucks, and fritters his money away, and gets
+      into stews; is always in hot water, and eats up everything, leads an idle
+      life, and doing this, becomes wicked, becomes poor, and that incites him
+      to steal or beg. From this it may be concluded by the learned that the
+      great coquedouille was a household utensil in the shape of a kettle used
+      for cooking things.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well,&rdquo; continued the constable, who was the Sieur of Richmond, &ldquo;I will
+      have the husband ordered to go into the country for a day and a night, to
+      arrest certain peasants suspected of plotting treacherously with the
+      English. Thereupon my two pigeons, believing their man absent, will be as
+      merry as soldiers off duty; and, if a certain thing takes place, I will
+      let loose the provost, sending him, in the king&rsquo;s name, to search the
+      house where the couple will be, in order that he may slay our friend, who
+      pretends to have this good cordelier all to himself.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What does this mean?&rdquo; said the Lady of Beaute.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Friar . . . fryer . . . an <i>equivoque</i>,&rdquo; answered the king, smiling.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Come to supper,&rdquo; said Madame Agnes. &ldquo;You are bad men, who with one word
+      insult both the citizens&rsquo; wives and a holy order.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Now, for a long time, Madame Petit had longed to have a night of liberty,
+      during which she might visit the house of the said noble, where she could
+      make as much noise as she liked, without waking the neighbours, because at
+      the provost&rsquo;s house she was afraid of being overheard, and had to content
+      herself well with the pilferings of love, little tastes, and nibbles,
+      daring at the most only to trot, while what she desired was a smart
+      gallop. On the morrow, therefore, the lady&rsquo;s-maid went off about midday to
+      the young lord&rsquo;s house, and told the lover—from whom she received
+      many presents, and therefore in no way disliked him—that he might
+      make his preparations for pleasure, and for supper, for that he might rely
+      upon the provost&rsquo;s better half being with him in the evening both hungry
+      and thirsty.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Good!&rdquo; said he. &ldquo;Tell your mistress I will not stint her in anything she
+      desires.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The pages of the cunning constable, who were watching the house, seeing
+      the gallant prepare for his gallantries, and set out the flagons and the
+      meats, went and informed their master that everything had happened as he
+      wished. Hearing this, the good constable rubbed his hands thinking how
+      nicely the provost would catch the pair. He instantly sent word to him,
+      that by the king&rsquo;s express commands he was to return to town, in order
+      that he might seize at the said lord&rsquo;s house an English nobleman, with
+      whom he was vehemently suspected to be arranging a plot of diabolical
+      darkness. But before he put this order into execution, he was to come to
+      the king&rsquo;s hotel, in order that he might understand the courtesy to be
+      exercised in this case. The provost, joyous at the chance of speaking to
+      the king, used such diligence that he was in town just at that time when
+      the two lovers were singing the first note of their evening hymn. The lord
+      of cuckoldom and its surrounding lands, who is a strange lord, managed
+      things so well, that madame was only conversing with her lord lover at the
+      time that her lord spouse was talking to the constable and the king; at
+      which he was pleased, and so was his wife—a case of concord rare in
+      matrimony.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I was saying to monseigneur,&rdquo; said the constable to the provost, as he
+      entered the king&rsquo;s apartment, &ldquo;that every man in the kingdom has a right
+      to kill his wife and her lover if he finds them in an act of infidelity.
+      But his majesty, who is clement, argues that he has only a right to kill
+      the man, and not the woman. Now what would you do, Mr. Provost, if by
+      chance you found a gentleman taking a stroll in that fair meadow of which
+      laws, human and divine, enjoin you alone to cultivate the verdure?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I would kill everything,&rdquo; said the provost; &ldquo;I would scrunch the five
+      hundred thousand devils of nature, flower and seed, and send them flying,
+      the pips and apples, the grass and the meadow, the woman and the man.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You would be in the wrong,&rdquo; said the king. &ldquo;That is contrary to the laws
+      of the Church and of the State; of the State, because you might deprive me
+      of a subject; of the Church, because you would be sending an innocent to
+      limbo unshriven.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Sire, I admire your profound wisdom, and I clearly perceive you to be the
+      centre of all justice.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;We can then only kill the knight—Amen,&rdquo; said constable, &ldquo;Kill the
+      horseman. Now go quickly to the house of the suspected lord, but without
+      letting yourself be bamboozled, do not forget what is due to his
+      position.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The provost, believing he would certainly be Chancellor of France if he
+      properly acquitted himself of the task, went from the castle into the
+      town, took his men, arrived at the nobleman&rsquo;s residence, arranged his
+      people outside, placed guards at all the doors, opened noiselessly by
+      order of the king, climbs the stairs, asks the servants in which room
+      their master is, puts them under arrest, goes up alone, and knocks at the
+      door of the room where the two lovers are tilting in love&rsquo;s tournament,
+      and says to them—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Open, in the name of our lord the king!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The lady recognised her husband&rsquo;s voice, and could not repress a smile,
+      thinking that she had not waited for the king&rsquo;s orders to do what she had
+      done. But after laughter came terror. Her lover took his cloak, threw it
+      over him, and came to the door. There, not knowing that his life was in
+      peril, he declared that he belonged to the court and to the king&rsquo;s
+      household.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Bah!&rdquo; said the provost. &ldquo;I have a strict order from the king; and under
+      pain of being treated as a rebel, you are bound instantly to receive me.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then the lord went out to him, still holding the door.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What do you want here?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;An enemy of our lord the king, whom we command you to deliver into our
+      hands, otherwise you must follow me with him to the castle.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      This, thought the lover, is a piece of treachery on the part of the
+      constable, whose proposition my dear mistress treated with scorn. We must
+      get out of this scrape in some way. Then turning towards the provost, he
+      went double or quits on the risk, reasoning thus with the cuckold:—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My friend, you know that I consider you but as gallant a man as it is
+      possible for a provost to be in the discharge of his duty. Now, can I have
+      confidence in you? I have here with me the fairest lady of the court. As
+      for Englishmen, I have not sufficient of one to make the breakfast of the
+      constable, M. de Richmond, who sends you here. This is (to be candid with
+      you) the result of a bet made between myself and the constable, who shares
+      it with the King. Both have wagered that they know who is the lady of my
+      heart; and I have wagered to the contrary. No one more than myself hates
+      the English, who took my estates in Piccadilly. Is it not a knavish trick
+      to put justice in motion against me? Ho! Ho! my lord constable, a
+      chamberlain is worth two of you, and I will beat you yet. My dear Petit, I
+      give you permission to search by night and by day, every nook and cranny
+      of my house. But come in here alone, search my room, turn the bed over, do
+      what you like. Only allow me to cover with a cloth or a handkerchief this
+      fair lady, who is at present in the costume of an archangel, in order that
+      you may not know to what husband she belongs.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Willingly,&rdquo; said the provost. &ldquo;But I am an old bird, not easily caught
+      with chaff, and would like to be sure that it is really a lady of the
+      court, and not an Englishman, for these English have flesh as white and
+      soft as women, and I know it well, because I&rsquo;ve hanged so many of them.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well then,&rdquo; said the lord, &ldquo;seeing of what crime I am suspected, from
+      which I am bound to free myself, I will go and ask my lady-love to consent
+      for a moment to abandon her modesty. She is too fond of me to refuse to
+      save me from reproach. I will beg her to turn herself over and show you a
+      physiognomy, which will in no way compromise her, and will be sufficient
+      to enable you to recognise a noble woman, although she will be in a sense
+      upside down.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;All right,&rdquo; said the provost.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The lady having heard every word, had folded up all her clothes, and put
+      them under the bolster, had taken off her chemise, that her husband should
+      not recognise it, had twisted her head up in a sheet, and had brought to
+      light the carnal convexities which commenced where her spine finished.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Come in, my friend,&rdquo; said the lord.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The provost looked up the chimney, opened the cupboard, the clothes&rsquo;
+      chest, felt under the bed, in the sheets, and everywhere. Then he began to
+      study what was on the bed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My lord,&rdquo; said he, regarding his legitimate appurtenances, &ldquo;I have seen
+      young English lads with backs like that. You must forgive me doing my
+      duty, but I must see otherwise.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What do you call otherwise?&rdquo; said the lord.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well, the other physiognomy, or, if you prefer it, the physiognomy of the
+      other.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Then you will allow madame to cover herself and arrange only to show you
+      sufficient to convince you,&rdquo; said the lover, knowing that the lady had a
+      mark or two easy to recognise. &ldquo;Turn your back a moment, so that my dear
+      lady may satisfy propriety.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The wife smiled at her lover, kissed him for his dexterity, arranging
+      herself cunningly; and the husband seeing in full that which the jade had
+      never let him see before, was quite convinced that no English person could
+      be thus fashioned without being a charming Englishwoman.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, my lord,&rdquo; he whispered in the ear of his lieutenant, &ldquo;this is
+      certainly a lady of the court, because the towns-women are neither so well
+      formed nor so charming.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then the house being thoroughly searched, and no Englishman found, the
+      provost returned, as the constable had told him, to the king&rsquo;s residence.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Is he slain?&rdquo; said the constable.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Who?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;He who grafted horns upon your forehead.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I only saw a lady in his couch, who seemed to be greatly enjoying herself
+      with him.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You, with your own eyes, saw this woman, cursed cuckold, and you did not
+      kill your rival?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;It was not a common woman, but a lady of the court.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You saw her?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And verified her in both cases.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What do you mean by those words?&rdquo; cried the king, who was bursting with
+      laughter.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I say, with all the respect due to your Majesty, that I have verified the
+      over and the under.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You do not, then, know the physiognomies of your own wife, you old fool
+      without memory! You deserve to be hanged.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I hold those features of my wife in too great respect to gaze upon them.
+      Besides she is so modest that she would die rather than expose an atom of
+      her body.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;True,&rdquo; said the king; &ldquo;it was not made to be shown.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Old coquedouille! that was your wife,&rdquo; said the constable.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My lord constable, she is asleep, poor girl!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Quick, quick, then! To horse! Let us be off, and if she be in your house
+      I&rsquo;ll forgive you.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then the constable, followed by the provost, went to the latter&rsquo;s house in
+      less time than it would have taken a beggar to empty the poor-box.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Hullo! there, hi!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Hearing the noise made by the men, which threatened to bring the walls
+      about their ears, the maid-servant opened the door, yawning and stretching
+      her arms. The constable and the provost rushed into the room, where, with
+      great difficulty, they succeeded in waking the lady, who pretended to be
+      terrified, and was so soundly asleep that her eyes were full of gum. At
+      this the provost was in great glee, saying to the constable that someone
+      had certainly deceived him, that his wife was a virtuous woman, and was
+      more astonished than any of them at these proceedings. The constable
+      turned on his heel and departed. The good provost began directly to
+      undress to get to bed early, since this adventure had brought his good
+      wife to his memory. When he was harnessing himself, and was knocking off
+      his nether garments, madame, still astonished, said to him—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh, my dear husband, what is the meaning of all this uproar—this
+      constable and his pages, and why did he come to see if I was asleep? Is it
+      to be henceforward part of a constable&rsquo;s duty to look after our . . .&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I do not know,&rdquo; said the provost, interrupting her, to tell her what had
+      happened to him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And you saw without my permission a lady of the court! Ha! ha! heu! heu!
+      hein!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then she began to moan, to weep, and to cry in such a deplorable manner
+      and so loudly, that her lord was quite aghast.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What&rsquo;s the matter, my darling? What is it? What do you want?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! You won&rsquo;t love me any more are after seeing how beautiful court
+      ladies are!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Nonsense, my child! They are great ladies. I don&rsquo;t mind telling you in
+      confidence; they are great ladies in every respect.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well,&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;am I nicer?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah,&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;in a great measure. Yes!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;They have, then, great happiness,&rdquo; said she, sighing, &ldquo;when I have so
+      much with so little beauty.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thereupon the provost tried a better argument to argue with his good wife,
+      and argued so well that she finished by allowing herself to be convinced
+      that Heaven has ordained that much pleasure may be obtained from small
+      things.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This shows us that nothing here below can prevail against the Church of
+      Cuckolds.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0039" id="link2H_4_0039">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/529s.jpg" alt="529s " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h4>
+      <a href="images/529.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a
+      href="images/529m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a>
+    </h4>
+
+    <h2>
+      ABOUT THE MONK AMADOR, WHO WAS A GLORIOUS ABBOT OF TURPENAY
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      One day that it was drizzling with rain—a time when the ladies
+      remain gleefully at home, because they love the damp, and can have at
+      their apron strings the men who are not disagreeable to them—the
+      queen was in her chamber, at the castle of Amboise, against the window
+      curtains. There, seated in her chair, she was working at a piece of
+      tapestry to amuse herself, but was using her needle heedlessly, watching
+      the rain fall into the Loire, and was lost in thought, where her ladies
+      were following her example. The king was arguing with those of his court
+      who had accompanied him from the chapel—for it was a question of
+      returning to dominical vespers. His arguments, statements, and reasonings
+      finished, he looked at the queen, saw that she was melancholy, saw that
+      the ladies were melancholy also, and noted the fact that they were all
+      acquainted with the mysteries of matrimony.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Did I not see the Abbot of Turpenay here just now?&rdquo; said he.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Hearing these words, there advanced towards the king the monk, who, by his
+      constant petitions, rendered himself so obnoxious to Louis the Eleventh,
+      that that monarch seriously commanded his provost-royal to remove him from
+      his sight; and it has been related in the first volume of these Tales, how
+      the monk was saved through the mistake of Sieur Tristan. The monk was at
+      this time a man whose qualities had grown rapidly, so much so that his wit
+      had communicated a jovial hue to his face. He was a great favourite with
+      the ladies, who crammed him with wine, confectioneries, and dainty dishes
+      at the dinners, suppers, and merry-makings, to which they invited him,
+      because every host likes those cheerful guests of God with nimble jaws,
+      who say as many words as they put away tit-bits. This abbot was a
+      pernicious fellow, who would relate to the ladies many a merry tale, at
+      which they were only offended when they had heard them; since, to judge
+      them, things must be heard.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My reverend father,&rdquo; said the king, &ldquo;behold the twilight hour, in which
+      ears feminine may be regaled with certain pleasant stories, for the ladies
+      can laugh without blushing, or blush without laughing, as it suits them
+      best. Give us a good story—a regular monk&rsquo;s story. I shall listen to
+      it, i&rsquo;faith, with pleasure, because I want to be amused, and so do the
+      ladies.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;We only submit to this, in order to please your lordship,&rdquo; said the
+      queen; &ldquo;because our good friend the abbot goes a little too far.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Then,&rdquo; replied the king, turning towards the monk, &ldquo;read us some
+      Christian admonition, holy father, to amuse madame.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Sire, my sight is weak, and the day is closing.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Give us a story, then, that stops at the girdle.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah, sire!&rdquo; said the monk, smiling, &ldquo;the one I am thinking of stops there;
+      but it commences at the feet.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The lords present made such gallant remonstrances and supplications to the
+      queen and her ladies, that, like the good Bretonne that she was, she gave
+      the monk a gentle smile, and said—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;As you will, my father; but you must answer to God for our sins.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Willingly, madame; if it be your pleasure to take mine, you will be a
+      gainer.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Everyone laughed, and so did queen. The king went and sat by his dear
+      wife, well beloved by him, as everyone knows. The courtiers received
+      permission to be seated—the old courtiers, of course, understood;
+      for the young ones stood, by the ladies&rsquo; permission, beside their chairs,
+      to laugh at the same time as they did. Then the Abbot of Turpenay
+      gracefully delivered himself of the following tale, the risky passages of
+      which he gave in a low, soft, flute-like voice:—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      About a hundred years ago at the least, there occurred great quarrels in
+      Christendom because there were two popes at Rome, each one pretending to
+      be legitimately elected, which caused great annoyance to the monasteries,
+      abbeys, and bishoprics, since, in order to be recognised by as many as
+      possible, each of the two popes granted titles and rights to each
+      adherent, the which made double owners everywhere. Under these
+      circumstances, the monasteries and abbeys that were at war with their
+      neighbours would not recognise both the popes, and found themselves much
+      embarrassed by the other, who always gave the verdict to the enemies of
+      the Chapter. This wicked schism brought about considerable mischief, and
+      proved abundantly that error is worse in Christianity than the adultery of
+      the Church.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Now at this time, when the devil was making havoc among our possessions,
+      the most illustrious abbey of Turpenay, of which I am at present the
+      unworthy ruler, had a heavy trial on concerning the settlements of certain
+      rights with the redoubtable Sire de Cande, an idolatrous infidel, a
+      relapsed heretic, and most wicked lord. This devil, sent upon earth in the
+      shape of a nobleman, was, to tell the truth, a good soldier, well received
+      at court, and a friend of the Sieur Bureau de la Riviere; who was a person
+      to whom the king was exceedingly partial—King Charles the Fifth, of
+      glorious memory. Beneath the shelter of the favour of this Sieur de la
+      Riviere, Lord of Cande did exactly as he pleased in the valley of the
+      Indre, where he used to be master of everything, from Montbazon to Usse.
+      You may be sure that his neighbours were terribly afraid of him, and to
+      save their skulls let him have his way. They would, however, have
+      preferred him under the ground to above it, and heartily wished him bad
+      luck; but he troubled himself little about that. In the whole valley the
+      noble abbey alone showed fight to this demon, for it has always been a
+      doctrine of the Church to take into her lap the weak and suffering, and
+      use every effort to protect the oppressed, especially those whose rights
+      and privileges are menaced.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      For this reason this rough warrior hated monks exceedingly, especially
+      those of Turpenay, who would not allow themselves to be robbed of their
+      rights either by force or stratagem. He was well pleased at the
+      ecclesiastical schism, and waited the decision of our abbey, concerning
+      which pope they should choose, to pillage them, being quite ready to
+      recognise the one to whom the abbot of Turpenay should refuse his
+      obedience. Since his return to his castle, it was his custom to torment
+      and annoy the priests whom he encountered upon his domains in such a
+      manner, that a poor monk, surprised by him on his private road, which was
+      by the water-side, perceived no other method of safety than to throw
+      himself into the river, where, by a special miracle of the Almighty, whom
+      the good man fervently invoked, his gown floated him on the Indre, and he
+      made his way comfortably to the other side, which he attained in full view
+      of the lord of Cande, who was not ashamed to enjoy the terrors of a
+      servant of God. Now you see of what stuff this horrid man was made. The
+      abbot, to whom at that time, the care of our glorious abbey was committed,
+      led a most holy life, and prayed to God with devotion; but he would have
+      saved his own soul ten times, of such good quality was his religion,
+      before finding a chance to save the abbey itself from the clutches of this
+      wretch. Although he was very perplexed, and saw the evil hour at hand, he
+      relied upon God for succour, saying that he would never allow the property
+      of the Church to be touched, and that He who had raised up the Princess
+      Judith for the Hebrews, and Queen Lucretia for the Romans, would keep his
+      most illustrious abbey of Turpenay, and indulged in other equally sapient
+      remarks. But his monks, who—to our shame I confess it—were
+      unbelievers, reproached him with his happy-go-lucky way of looking at
+      things, and declared that, to bring the chariot of Providence to the
+      rescue in time, all the oxen in the province would have to be yoked it;
+      that the trumpets of Jericho were no longer made in any portion of the
+      world; that God was disgusted with His creation, and would have nothing
+      more to do with it: in short, a thousand and one things that were doubts
+      and contumelies against God.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      At this desperate juncture there rose up a monk named Amador. This name
+      had been given him by way of a joke, since his person offered a perfect
+      portrait of the false god Aegipan. He was like him, strong in the stomach;
+      like him, had crooked legs; arms hairy as those of a saddler, a back made
+      to carry a wallet, a face as red as the phiz of a drunkard, glistening
+      eyes, a tangled beard, was hairy faced, and so puffed out with fat and
+      meat that you would have fancied him in an interesting condition. You may
+      be sure that he sung his matins on the steps of the wine-cellar, and said
+      his vespers in the vineyards of Lord. He was as fond of his bed as a
+      beggar with sores, and would go about the valley fuddling, faddling,
+      blessing the bridals, plucking the grapes, and giving them to the girls to
+      taste, in spite of the prohibition of the abbot. In fact, he was a
+      pilferer, a loiterer, and a bad soldier of the ecclesiastical militia, of
+      whom nobody in the abbey took any notice, but let him do as he liked from
+      motives of Christian charity, thinking him mad.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Amador, knowing that it was a question of the ruin of the Abbey, in which
+      he was as snug as a bug in a rug, put up his bristles, took notice of this
+      and of that, went into each of the cells, listened in the refectory,
+      shivered in his shoes, and declared that he would attempt to save the
+      abbey. He took cognisance of the contested points, received from the abbot
+      permission to postpone the case, and was promised by the whole Chapter the
+      Office of sub-prior if he succeeded in putting an end to the litigation.
+      Then he set off across the country, heedless of the cruelty and
+      ill-treatment of the Sieur de Cande, saying that he had that within his
+      gown which would subdue him. He went his way with nothing but the said
+      gown for his viaticum: but then in it was enough fat to feed a dwarf. He
+      selected to go to the chateau, a day when it rained hard enough to fill
+      the tubs of all the housewives, and arrived without meeting a soul, in
+      sight of Cande, and looking like a drowned dog, stepped bravely into the
+      courtyard, and took shelter under a sty-roof to wait until the fury of the
+      elements had calmed down, and placed himself boldly in front of the room
+      where the owner of the chateau should be. A servant perceiving him while
+      laying the supper, took pity on him, and told him to make himself scarce,
+      otherwise his master would give him a horsewhipping, just to open the
+      conversation, and asked him what made him so bold as to enter a house
+      where monks were hated more than a red leper.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah!&rdquo; said Amador, &ldquo;I am on my way to Tours, sent thither by my lord
+      abbot. If the lord of Cande were not so bitter against the poor servant of
+      God, I should not be kept during such a deluge in the courtyard, but in
+      the house. I hope that he will find mercy in his hour of need.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The servant reported these words to his master, who at first wished to
+      have the monk thrown into the big trough of the castle among the other
+      filth. But the lady of Cande, who had great authority over her spouse, and
+      was respected by him, because through her he expected a large inheritance,
+      and because she was a little tyrannical, reprimanded him, saying, that it
+      was possible this monk was a Christian; that in such weather thieves would
+      succour an officer of justice; that, besides, it was necessary to treat
+      him well to find out to what decision the brethren of Turpenay had come
+      with regard to the schism business, and that her advice was put an end by
+      kindness and not by force to the difficulties arisen between the abbey and
+      the domain of Cande, because no lord since the coming of Christ had ever
+      been stronger than the Church, and that sooner or later the abbey would
+      ruin the castle; finally, she gave utterance to a thousand wise arguments,
+      such as ladies use in the height of the storms of life, when they have had
+      about enough of them. Amador&rsquo;s face was so piteous, his appearance so
+      wretched, and so open to banter, that the lord, saddened by the weather,
+      conceived the idea of enjoying a joke at his expense, tormenting him,
+      playing tricks on him, and of giving him a lively recollection of his
+      reception at the chateau. Then this gentleman, who had secret relations
+      with his wife&rsquo;s maid, sent this girl, who was called Perrotte, to put an
+      end to his ill-will towards the luckless Amador. As soon as the plot had
+      been arranged between them, the wench, who hated monks, in order to please
+      her master, went to the monk, who was standing under the pigsty, assuming
+      a courteous demeanour in order the better to please him, said—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Holy father, the master of the house is ashamed to see a servant of God
+      out in the rain when there is room for him indoors, a good fire in the
+      chimney, and a table spread. I invite you in his name and that of the lady
+      of the house to step in.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I thank the lady and lord, not for their hospitality which is a Christian
+      thing, but for having sent as an ambassador to me, a poor sinner, an angel
+      of such delicate beauty that I fancy I see the Virgin over our altar.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Saying which, Amador raised his nose in the air, and saluted with the two
+      flakes of fire that sparkled in his bright eyes the pretty maidservant,
+      who thought him neither so ugly nor so foul, nor so bestial; when,
+      following Perrotte up the steps, Amador received on the nose, cheeks, and
+      other portions of his face a slash of the whip, which made him see all the
+      lights of the Magnificat, so well was the dose administered by the Sieur
+      de Cande, who, busy chastening his greyhounds pretended not see the monk.
+      He requested Amador to pardon him this accident, and ran after the dogs
+      who had caused the mischief to his guest. The laughing servant, who knew
+      what was coming, had dexterously kept out of the way. Noticing this
+      business, Amador suspected the relations of Perrotte and the chevalier,
+      concerning whom it is possible that the lasses of the valley had already
+      whispered something into his ear. Of the people who were then in the room
+      not one made room for the man of God, who remained right in the draught
+      between the door and the window, where he stood freezing until the moment
+      when the Sieur de Cande, his wife, and his aged sister, Mademoiselle de
+      Cande, who had the charge of the young heiress of the house, aged about
+      sixteen years, came and sat in their chairs at the head of the table, far
+      from the common people, according to the old custom usual among the lords
+      of the period, much to their discredit.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The Sieur de Cande, paying no attention to the monk, let him sit at the
+      extreme end of the table, in a corner, where two mischievous lads had
+      orders to squeeze and elbow him. Indeed these fellows worried his feet,
+      his body, and his arms like real torturers, poured white wine into his
+      goblet for water, in order to fuddle him, and the better to amuse
+      themselves with him; but they made him drink seven large jugfuls without
+      making belch, break wind, sweat or snort, which horrified them
+      exceedingly, especially as his eye remained as clear as crystal.
+      Encouraged, however, by a glance from their lord, they still kept
+      throwing, while bowing to him, gravy into his beard, and wiping it dry in
+      a manner to tear every hair of it out. The varlet who served a caudle
+      baptised his head with it, and took care to let the burning liquor trickle
+      down poor Amador&rsquo;s backbone. All this agony he endured with meekness,
+      because the spirit of God was in him, and also the hope of finishing the
+      litigation by holding out in the castle. Nevertheless, the mischievous lot
+      burst out into such roars of laughter at the warm baptism given by the
+      cook&rsquo;s lad to the soaked monk, even the butler making jokes at his
+      expense, that the lady of Cande was compelled to notice what was going on
+      at the end of the table. Then she perceived Amador, who had a look of
+      sublime resignation upon his face, and was endeavouring to get something
+      out of the big beef bones that had been put upon his pewter platter. At
+      this moment the poor monk, who had administered a dexterous blow of the
+      knife to a big ugly bone, took it into his hairy hands, snapped it in two,
+      sucked the warm marrow out of it, and found it good.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Truly,&rdquo; said she to herself, &ldquo;God has put great strength into this monk!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      At the same time she seriously forbade the pages, servants, and others to
+      torment the poor man, to whom out of mockery they had just given some
+      rotten apples and maggoty nuts. He, perceiving that the old lady and her
+      charge, the lady and the servants had seen him manoeuvring the bone,
+      pushed backed his sleeve, showed the powerful muscles of his arm, placed
+      nuts near his wrist on the bifurcation of the veins, and crushed them one
+      by one by pressing them with the palm of his hand so vigorously that they
+      appeared like ripe medlars. He also crunched them between his teeth, white
+      as the teeth of a dog, husk, shell, fruit, and all, of which he made in a
+      second a mash which he swallowed like honey. He crushed them between two
+      fingers, which he used like scissors to cut them in two without a moment&rsquo;s
+      hesitation.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      You may be sure that the women were silent, that the men believed the
+      devil to be in the monk; and had it not been for his wife and the darkness
+      of the night, the Sieur de Cande, having the fear of God before his eyes,
+      would have kicked him out of the house. Everyone declared that the monk
+      was a man capable of throwing the castle into the moat. Therefore, as soon
+      as everyone had wiped his mouth, my lord took care to imprison this devil,
+      whose strength was terrible to behold, and had him conducted to a wretched
+      little closet where Perrotte had arranged her machine in order to annoy
+      him during the night. The tom-cats of the neighbourhood had been requested
+      to come and confess to him, invited to tell him their sins in embryo
+      towards the tabbies who attracted their affections, and also the little
+      pigs for whom fine lumps of tripe had been placed under the bed in order
+      to prevent them becoming monks, of which they were very desirous, by
+      disgusting them with the style of libera, which the monk would sing to
+      them. At every movement of poor Amador, who would find short horse-hair in
+      the sheets, he would bring down cold water on to the bed, and a thousand
+      other tricks were arranged, such are usually practised in castles.
+      Everyone went to bed in expectation of the nocturnal revels of the monk,
+      certain that they would not be disappointed, since he had been lodged
+      under the tiles at the top of a little tower, the guard of the door of
+      which was committed to dogs who howled for a bit of him. In order to
+      ascertain what language the conversations with the cats and pigs would be
+      carried on, the Sire came to stay with his dear Perrotte, who slept in the
+      next room.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      As soon as he found himself thus treated, Amador drew from his bag a
+      knife, and dexterously extricated himself. Then he began to listen in
+      order to find out the ways of the place, and heard the master of the house
+      laughing with his maid-servant. Suspecting their manoeuvres, he waited
+      till the moment when the lady of the house should be alone in bed, and
+      made his way into her room with bare feet, in order that his sandals
+      should not be in his secrets. He appeared to her by the light of the lamp
+      in the manner in which monks generally appear during the night—that
+      is, in a marvellous state, which the laity find it difficult long to
+      sustain; and the thing is an effect of the frock, which magnifies
+      everything. Then having let her see that he was all a monk, he made the
+      following little speech—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Know, madame, that I am sent by Jesus and the Virgin Mary to warn you to
+      put an end to the improper perversities which are taking place—to
+      the injury of your virtue, which is treacherously deprived of your
+      husband&rsquo;s best attention, which he lavishes upon your maid. What is the
+      use of being a lady if the seigneurial dues are received elsewhere.
+      According to this, your servant is the lady and you are the servant. Are
+      not all the joys bestowed upon her due to you? You will find them all
+      amassed in our Holy Church, which is the consolation of the afflicted.
+      Behold in me the messenger, ready to pay these debts if you do not
+      renounce them.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Saying this, the good monk gently loosened his girdle in which he was
+      incommoded, so much did he appear affected by the sight of those beauties
+      which the Sieur de Cande disdained.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;If you speak truly, my father, I will submit to your guidance,&rdquo; said she,
+      springing lightly out of bed. &ldquo;You are for sure, a messenger of God,
+      because you have been in a single day that which I had not noticed here
+      for a long time.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then she went, accompanied by Amador, whose holy robe she did not fail to
+      run her hand over, and was so struck when she found it real, that she
+      hoped to find her husband guilty; and indeed she heard him talking about
+      the monk in her servant&rsquo;s bed. Perceiving this felony, she went into a
+      furious rage and opened her mouth to resolve it into words— which is
+      the usual method of women—and wished to kick up the devil&rsquo;s delight
+      before handing the girl over to justice. But Amador told her that it would
+      be more sensible to avenge herself first, and cry out afterwards.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Avenge me quickly, then, my father,&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;that I may begin to cry
+      out.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thereupon the monk avenged her most monastically with a good and ample
+      vengeance, that she indulged in as a drunkard who puts his lips to the
+      bunghole of a barrel; for when a lady avenges herself, she should get
+      drunk with vengeance, or not taste it at all. And the chatelaine was
+      revenged to that degree that she could not move; since nothing agitates,
+      takes away the breath, and exhausts, like anger and vengeance. But
+      although she were avenged, and doubly and trebly avenged, yet would she
+      not forgive, in order that she might reserve the right of avenging herself
+      with the monk, now here, now there. Perceiving this love for vengeance,
+      Amador promised to aid her in it as long as her ire lasted, for he
+      informed her that he knew in his quality of a monk, constrained to
+      meditate long on the nature of things, an infinite number of modes,
+      methods, and manners of practicing revenge.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then he pointed out to her canonically what a Christian thing it is to
+      revenge oneself, because all through the Holy Scriptures God declares
+      Himself, above all things, to be a God of vengeance; and moreover,
+      demonstrates to us, by his establishment in the infernal regions, how
+      royally divine a thing vengeance is, since His vengeance is eternal. From
+      which it followed, that women with monks ought to revenge themselves,
+      under pain of not being Christians and faithful servants of celestial
+      doctrines.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This dogma pleased the lady much, and she confessed that she had never
+      understood the commandments of the Church, and invited her well-beloved
+      monk to enlighten her thoroughly concerning them. Then the chatelaine,
+      whose vital spirits had been excited by the vengeance which had refreshed
+      them, went into the room where the jade was amusing herself, and by chance
+      found her with her hand where she, the chatelaine, often had her eye—like
+      the merchants have on their most precious articles, in order to see that
+      they were not stolen. They were—according to President Lizet, when
+      he was in a merry mood—a couple taken in flagrant delectation, and
+      looked dumbfounded, sheepish and foolish. The sight that met her eyes
+      displeased the lady beyond the power of words to express, as it appeared
+      by her discourse, of which to roughness was similar to that of the water
+      of a big pond when the sluice-gates were opened. It was a sermon in three
+      heads, accompanied with music of a high gamut, varied in tones, with many
+      sharps among the keys.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Out upon virtue! my lord; I&rsquo;ve had my share of it. You have shown me that
+      religion in conjugal faith is an abuse; this is then the reason that I
+      have no son. How many children have you consigned to this common oven,
+      this poor-box, this bottomless alms-purse, this leper&rsquo;s porringer, the
+      true cemetery of the House of Cande? I will know if I am childless from a
+      constitutional defect, or through your fault. I will have handsome
+      cavaliers, in order that I may have an heir. You can get the bastards, I
+      the legitimate children.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My dear,&rdquo; said the bewildered lord, &ldquo;don&rsquo;t shout so.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;But,&rdquo; replied the lady, &ldquo;I will shout, and shout to make myself heard,
+      heard by the archbishop, heard by the legate, by the king, by my brothers,
+      who will avenge this infamy for me.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Do not dishonour your husband!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;This is dishonour then? You are right; but, my lord, it is not brought
+      about by you, but by this hussy, whom I will have sewn up in a sack, and
+      thrown into the Indre; thus your dishonour will be washed away. Hi!
+      there,&rdquo; she called out.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Silence, madame!&rdquo; said the sire, as shamefaced as a blind man&rsquo;s dog;
+      because this great warrior, so ready to kill others, was like a child in
+      the hands of his wife, a state of affairs to which soldiers are
+      accustomed, because in them lies the strength and is found all the dull
+      carnality of matter; while, on the contrary, in woman is a subtle spirit
+      and a scintillation of perfumed flame that lights up paradise and dazzles
+      the male. This is the reason that certain women govern their husbands,
+      because mind is the master of matter.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      (At this the ladies began to laugh, as did also the king).
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I will not be silent,&rdquo; said the lady of Cande (said the abbot, continuing
+      his tale); &ldquo;I have been too grossly outraged. This, then, is the reward of
+      the wealth that I brought you, and of my virtuous conduct! Did I ever
+      refuse to obey you even during Lent, and on fast days? Am I so cold as to
+      freeze the sun? Do you think that I embrace by force, from duty, or pure
+      kindness of heart! Am I too hallowed for you to touch? Am I a holy shrine?
+      Was there need of a papal brief to kiss me? God&rsquo;s truth! have you had so
+      much of me that you are tired? Am I not to your taste? Do charming wenches
+      know more than ladies? Ha! perhaps it is so, since she has let you work in
+      the field without sowing. Teach me the business; I will practice it with
+      those whom I take into my service, for it is settled that I am free. That
+      is as we should be. Your society was wearisome, and the little pleasure I
+      derived from it cost me too dear. Thank God! I am quit of you and your
+      whims, because I intend to retire to a monastery.&rdquo; . . . She meant to say
+      a convent, but this avenging monk had perverted her tongue.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And I shall be more comfortable in this monastery with my daughter, than
+      in this place of abominable wickedness. You can inherit from your wench.
+      Ha, ha! The fine lady of Cande! Look at her!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What is the matter?&rdquo; said Amador, appearing suddenly upon the scene.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The matter is, my father,&rdquo; replied she, &ldquo;that my wrongs cry aloud for
+      vengeance. To begin with, I shall have this trollop thrown into the river,
+      sewn up in a sack, for having diverted the seed of the House of Cande from
+      its proper channel. It will be saving the hangman a job. For the rest I
+      will—&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Abandon your anger, my daughter,&rdquo; said the monk. &ldquo;It is commanded us by
+      the Church to forgive those who trespass against us, if we would find
+      favour in the side of Heaven, because you pardon those who also pardon
+      others. God avenges himself eternally on those who have avenged
+      themselves, but keeps in His paradise those who have pardoned. From that
+      comes the jubilee, which is a day of great rejoicing, because all debts
+      and offences are forgiven. Thus it is a source of happiness to pardon.
+      Pardon! Pardon! To pardon is a most holy work. Pardon Monseigneur de
+      Cande, who will bless you for your gracious clemency, and will henceforth
+      love you much; This forgiveness will restore to you the flower of youth;
+      and believe, my dear sweet young lady, that forgiveness is in certain
+      cases the best means of vengeance. Pardon your maid-servant, who will pray
+      heaven for you. Thus God, supplicated by all, will have you in His
+      keeping, and will bless you with male lineage for this pardon.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thus saying, the monk took the hand of the sire, placed it in that of the
+      lady, and added—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Go and talk over the pardon.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And then he whispered into the husband&rsquo;s ears this sage advice—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My lord, use your best argument, and you will silence her with it,
+      because a woman&rsquo;s mouth it is only full of words when she is empty
+      elsewhere. Argue continually, and thus you will always have the upper hand
+      of your wife.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;By the body of the Jupiter! There&rsquo;s good in this monk after all,&rdquo; said
+      the seigneur, as he went out.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      As soon as Amador found himself alone with Perrotte he spoke to her, as
+      follows—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You are to blame, my dear, for having wished to torment a poor servant of
+      God; therefore are you now the object of celestial wrath, which will fall
+      upon you. To whatever place you fly it will always follow you, will seize
+      upon you in every limb, even after your death, and will cook you like a
+      pasty in the oven of hell, where you will simmer eternally, and every day
+      you will receive seven hundred thousand million lashes of the whip, for
+      the one I received through you.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! holy Father,&rdquo; said the wench, casting herself at the monk&rsquo;s feet,
+      &ldquo;you alone can save me, for in your gown I should be sheltered from the
+      anger of God.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Saying this, she raised the robe to place herself beneath it, and
+      exclaimed—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;By my faith! monks are better than knights.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;By the sulphur of the devil! You are not acquainted with the monks?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No,&rdquo; said Perrotte.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And you don&rsquo;t know the service that monks sing without saying a word?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thereupon the monk went through this said service for her, as it is sung
+      on great feast days, with all the grand effects used in monasteries, the
+      psalms well chanted in f major, the flaming tapers, and the choristers,
+      and explained to her the <i>Introit</i>, and also the <i>ite missa est</i>,
+      and departed, leaving her so sanctified that the wrath of heaven would
+      have great difficulty in discovering any portion of the girl that was not
+      thoroughly monasticated.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      By his orders, Perrotte conducted him to Mademoiselle de Cande, the lord&rsquo;s
+      sister, to whom he went in order to learn if it was her desire to confess
+      to him, because monks came so rarely to the castle. The lady was
+      delighted, as would any good Christian have been, at such a chance of
+      clearing out her conscience. Amador requested her to show him her
+      conscience, and she having allowed him to see that which he considered the
+      conscience of old maids, he found it in a bad state, and told her that the
+      sins of women were accomplished there; that to be for the future without
+      sin it was necessary to have the conscience corked up by a monk&rsquo;s
+      indulgence. The poor ignorant lady having replied that she did not know
+      where these indulgences were to be had, the monk informed her that he had
+      a relic with him which enabled him to grant one, that nothing was more
+      indulgent than this relic, because without saying a word it produced
+      infinite pleasures, which is the true, eternal and primary character of an
+      indulgence. The poor lady was so pleased with this relic, the virtue of
+      which she tried in various ways, that her brain became muddled, and she
+      had so much faith in it that she indulged as devoutly in indulgences as
+      the Lady of Cande had indulged in vengeances. This business of confession
+      woke up the younger Demoiselle de Cande, who came to watch the
+      proceedings. You may imagine that the monk had hoped for this occurrence,
+      since his mouth had watered at the sight of this fair blossom, whom he
+      also confessed, because the elder lady could not hinder him from bestowing
+      upon the younger one, who wished it, what remained of the indulgences.
+      But, remember, this pleasure was due to him for the trouble he had taken.
+      The morning having dawned, the pigs having eaten their tripe, and the cats
+      having become disenchanted with love, and having watered all the places
+      rubbed with herbs, Amador went to rest himself in his bed, which Perrotte
+      had put straight again. Every one slept, thanks to the monk, so long, that
+      no one in the castle was up before noon, which was the dinner hour. The
+      servants all believed the monk to be a devil who had carried off the cats,
+      the pigs, and also their masters. In spite of these ideas however, every
+      one was in the room at meal time.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Come, my father,&rdquo; said the chatelaine, giving her arm to the monk, whom
+      she put at her side in the baron&rsquo;s chair, to the great astonishment of the
+      attendants, because the Sire of Cande said not a word. &ldquo;Page, give some of
+      this to Father Amador,&rdquo; said madame.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Father Amador has need of so and so,&rdquo; said the Demoiselle de Cande.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Fill up Father Amador&rsquo;s goblet,&rdquo; said the sire.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Father Amador has no bread,&rdquo; said the little lady.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What do you require, Father Amador?&rdquo; said Perrotte.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It was Father Amador here, and Father Amador there. He was regaled like a
+      little maiden on her wedding night.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Eat, father,&rdquo; said madame; &ldquo;you made such a bad meal yesterday.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Drink, father,&rdquo; said the sire. &ldquo;You are, s&rsquo;blood! the finest monk I have
+      ever set eyes on.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Father Amador is a handsome monk,&rdquo; said Perrotte.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;An indulgent monk,&rdquo; said the demoiselle.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;A beneficent monk,&rdquo; said the little one.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;A great monk,&rdquo; said the lady.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;A monk who well deserves his name,&rdquo; said the clerk of the castle.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Amador munched and chewed, tried all the dishes, lapped up the hypocras,
+      licked his chops, sneezed, blew himself out, strutted and stamped about
+      like a bull in a field. The others regarded him with great fear, believing
+      him to be a magician. Dinner over, the Lady of Cande, the demoiselle, and
+      the little one, besought the Sire of Cande with a thousand fine arguments,
+      to terminate the litigation. A great deal was said to him by madame, who
+      pointed out to him how useful a monk was in a castle; by mademoiselle, who
+      wished for the future to polish up her conscience every day; by the little
+      one, who pulled her father&rsquo;s beard, and asked that this monk might always
+      be at Cande. If ever the difference were arranged, it would be by the
+      monk: the monk was of a good understanding, gentle and virtuous as a
+      saint; it was a misfortune to be at enmity with a monastery containing
+      such monks. If all the monks were like him, the abbey would always have
+      everywhere the advantage of the castle, and would ruin it, because this
+      monk was very strong. Finally, they gave utterance to a thousand reasons,
+      which were like a deluge of words, and were so pluvially showered down
+      that the sire yielded, saying, that there would never be a moment&rsquo;s peace
+      in the house until matters were settled to the satisfaction of the women.
+      Then he sent for the clerk, who wrote down for him, and also for the monk.
+      Then Amador surprised them exceedingly by showing them the charters and
+      the letters of credit, which would prevent the sire and his clerk delaying
+      this agreement. When the Lady of Cande saw them about to put an end to
+      this old case, she went to the linen chest to get some fine cloth to make
+      a new gown for her dear Amador. Every one in the house had noticed how
+      this old gown was worn, and it would have been a great shame to leave such
+      a treasure in such a worn-out case. Everyone was eager to work at the
+      gown. Madame cut it, the servant put the hood on, the demoiselle sewed it,
+      and the little demoiselle worked at the sleeves. And all set so heartily
+      to work to adorn the monk, that the robe was ready by supper time, as was
+      also the charter of agreement prepared and sealed by the Sire de Cande.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah, my father!&rdquo; said the lady, &ldquo;if you love us, you will refresh yourself
+      after your merry labour by washing yourself in a bath that I have had
+      heated by Perrotte.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Amador was then bathed in scented water. When he came out he found a new
+      robe of fine linen and lovely sandals ready for him, which made him appear
+      the most glorious monk in the world.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Meanwhile the monks of Turpenay fearing for Amador, had ordered two of
+      their number to spy about the castle. These spies came round by the moat,
+      just as Perrotte threw Amador&rsquo;s greasy old gown, with other rubbish, into
+      it. Seeing which, they thought that it was all over with the poor madman.
+      They therefore returned, and announced that it was certain Amador had
+      suffered martyrdom in the service of the abbey. Hearing which the abbot
+      ordered them to assemble in the chapel and pray to God, in order to assist
+      this devoted servant in his torments. The monk having supped, put his
+      charter into his girdle, and wished to return to Turpenay. Then he found
+      at the foot of the steps madame&rsquo;s mare, bridled and saddled, and held
+      ready for him by a groom. The lord had ordered his men-at-arms to
+      accompany the good monk, so that no accident might befall him. Seeing
+      which, Amador pardoned the tricks of the night before, and bestowed his
+      benediction upon every one before taking his departure from this converted
+      place. Madame followed him with her eyes, and proclaimed him a splendid
+      rider. Perrotte declared that for a monk he held himself more upright in
+      the saddle than any of the men-at-arms. Mademoiselle de Cande sighed. The
+      little one wished to have him for her confessor.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;He has sanctified the castle,&rdquo; said they, when they were in the room
+      again.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When Amador and his suite came to the gates of the abbey, a scene of
+      terror ensued, since the guardian thought that the Sire de Cande had had
+      his appetite for monks whetted by the blood of poor Amador, and wished to
+      sack the abbey. But Amador shouted with his fine bass voice, and was
+      recognised and admitted into the courtyard; and when he dismounted from
+      madame&rsquo;s mare there was enough uproar to make the monks as a wild as April
+      moons. They gave vent to shouts of joy in the refectory, and all came to
+      congratulate Amador, who waved the charter over his head. The men-at-arms
+      were regaled with the best wine in the cellars, which was a present made
+      to the monks of Turpenay by those of Marmoustier, to whom belonged the
+      lands of Vouvray. The good abbot having had the document of the Sieur de
+      Cande read, went about saying—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;On these divine occasions there always appears the finger of God, to whom
+      we should render thanks.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      As the good abbot kept on at the finger of God, when thanking Amador, the
+      monk, annoyed to see the instrument of their delivery thus diminished,
+      said to him—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well, say that it is the arm, my father, and drop the subject.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The termination of the trial between the Sieur de Cande and the abbey of
+      Turpenay was followed by a blessing which rendered him devoted to the
+      Church, because nine months after he had a son. Two years afterwards
+      Amador was chosen as abbot by the monks, who reckoned upon a merry
+      government with a madcap. But Amador become an abbot, became steady and
+      austere, because he had conquered his evil desires by his labours, and
+      recast his nature at the female forge, in which is that fire which is the
+      most perfecting, persevering, persistent, perdurable, permanent,
+      perennial, and permeating fire that there ever was in the world. It is a
+      fire to ruin everything, and it ruined so well the evil that was in
+      Amador, that it left only that which it could not eat—that is, his
+      wit, which was as clear as a diamond, which is, as everyone knows, a
+      residue of the great fire by which our globe was formerly carbonised.
+      Amador was then the instrument chosen by Providence to reform our
+      illustrious abbey, since he put everything right there, watched night and
+      day over his monks, made them all rise at the hours appointed for prayers,
+      counted them in chapel as a shepherd counts his sheep, kept them well in
+      hand, and punished their faults severely, that he made them most virtuous
+      brethren.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This teaches us to look upon womankind more as the instruments of our
+      salvation than of our pleasure. Besides which, this narrative teaches us
+      that we should never attempt to struggle with the Churchmen.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The king and the queen had found this tale in the best taste; the
+      courtiers confessed that they had never heard a better; and the ladies
+      would all willingly have been the heroines of it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0040" id="link2H_4_0040">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      BERTHA THE PENITENT
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      I HOW BERTHA REMAINED A MAIDEN IN THE MARRIED STATE
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      About the time of the first flight of the Dauphin, which threw our good
+      Sire, Charles the Victorious, into a state of great dejection, there
+      happened a great misfortune to a noble House of Touraine, since extinct in
+      every branch; and it is owing to this fact that this most deplorable
+      history may now be safely brought to light. To aid him in this work the
+      author calls to his assistance the holy confessors, martyrs, and other
+      celestial dominations, who, by the commandments of God, were the promoters
+      of good in this affair.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      From some defect in his character, the Sire Imbert de Bastarnay, one of
+      the most landed lords in our land of Touraine, had no confidence in the
+      mind of the female of man, whom he considered much too animated, on
+      account of her numerous vagaries, and it may be he was right. In
+      consequence of this idea he reached his old age without a companion, which
+      was certainly not to his advantage. Always leading a solitary life, this
+      said man had no idea of making himself agreeable to others, having only
+      been mixed up with wars and the orgies of bachelors, with whom he did not
+      put himself out of the way. Thus he remained stale in his garments, sweaty
+      in his accoutrements, with dirty hands and an apish face. In short, he
+      looked the ugliest man in Christendom. As far as regards his person only
+      though, since so far as his heart, his head, and other secret places were
+      concerned, he had properties which rendered him most praiseworthy. An
+      angel (pray believe this) would have walked a long way without meeting an
+      old warrior firmer at his post, a lord with more spotless scutcheon, of
+      shorter speech, and more perfect loyalty.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Certain people have stated, they have heard that he gave sound advice, and
+      was a good and profitable man to consult. Was it not a strange freak on
+      the part of God, who plays sometimes jokes on us, to have granted so many
+      perfections to a man so badly apparelled?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When he was sixty in appearance, although only fifty in years, he
+      determined to take unto himself a wife, in order to obtain lineage. Then,
+      while foraging about for a place where he might be able to find a lady to
+      his liking, he heard much vaunted, the great merits and perfections of a
+      daughter of the illustrious house of Rohan, which at that time had some
+      property in the province. The young lady in question was called Bertha,
+      that being her pet name. Imbert having been to see her at the castle of
+      Montbazon, was, in consequence of the prettiness and innocent virtue of
+      the said Bertha de Rohan, seized with so great a desire to possess her,
+      that he determined to make her his wife, believing that never could a girl
+      of such lofty descent fail in her duty. This marriage was soon celebrated,
+      because the Sire de Rohan had seven daughters, and hardly knew how to
+      provide for them all, at a time when people were just recovering from the
+      late wars, and patching up their unsettled affairs. Now the good man
+      Bastarnay happily found Bertha really a maiden, which fact bore witness to
+      her proper bringing up and perfect maternal correction. So immediately the
+      night arrived when it should be lawful for him to embrace her, he got her
+      with a child so roughly that he had proof of the result two months after
+      marriage, which rendered the Sire Imbert joyful to a degree. In order that
+      we may here finish with this portion of the story, let us at once state
+      that from this legitimate grain was born the Sire de Bastarnay, who was
+      Duke by the grace of Louis the Eleventh, his chamberlain, and more than
+      that, his ambassador in the countries of Europe, and well-beloved of this
+      most redoubtable lord, to whom he was never faithless. His loyalty was an
+      heritage from his father, who from his early youth was much attached to
+      the Dauphin, whose fortunes he followed, even in the rebellions, since he
+      was a man to put Christ on the cross again if it had been required by him
+      to do so, which is the flower of friendship rarely to be found
+      encompassing princes and great people. At first, the fair lady of
+      Bastarnay comported herself so loyally that her society caused those thick
+      vapours and black clouds to vanish, which obscured the mind of this great
+      man, the brightness of the feminine glory. Now, according to the custom of
+      unbelievers, he passed from suspicion to confidence so thoroughly, that he
+      yielded up the government of his house to the said Bertha, made her
+      mistress of his deeds and actions, queen of his honour, guardian of his
+      grey hairs, and would have slaughtered without a contest any one who had
+      said an evil word concerning this mirror of virtue, on whom no breath had
+      fallen save the breath issued from his conjugal and marital lips, cold and
+      withered as they were. To speak truly on all points, it should be
+      explained, that to this virtuous behaviour considerably aided the little
+      boy, who during six years occupied day and night the attention of his
+      pretty mother, who first nourished him with her milk, and made of him a
+      lover&rsquo;s lieutenant, yielding to him her sweet breasts, which he gnawed at,
+      hungry, as often as he would, and was, like a lover, always there. This
+      good mother knew no other pleasures than those of his rosy lips, had no
+      other caresses that those of his tiny little hands, which ran about her
+      like the feet of playful mice, read no other book than that in his clear
+      baby eyes, in which the blue sky was reflected, and listened to no other
+      music than his cries, which sounded in her ears as angels&rsquo; whispers. You
+      may be sure that she was always fondling him, had a desire to kiss him at
+      dawn of day, kissed him in the evening, would rise in the night to eat him
+      up with kisses, made herself a child as he was a child, educated him in
+      the perfect religion of maternity; finally, behaved as the best and
+      happiest mother that ever lived, without disparagement to our Lady the
+      Virgin, who could have had little trouble in bringing up our Saviour,
+      since he was God.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This employment and the little taste which Bertha had for the blisses of
+      matrimony much delighted the old man, since he would have been unable to
+      return the affection of a too amorous wife, and desired to practice
+      economy, to have the wherewithal for a second child.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      After six years had passed away, the mother was compelled to give her son
+      into the hands of the grooms and other persons to whom Messire de
+      Bastarnay committed the task to mould him properly, in order that his heir
+      should have an heritage of the virtues, qualities and courage of the
+      house, as well as the domains and the name. Then did Bertha shed many
+      tears, her happiness being gone. For the great heart of this mother it was
+      nothing to have this well-beloved son after others, and during only
+      certain short fleeting hours. Therefore she became sad and melancholy.
+      Noticing her grief, the good man wished to bestow upon her another child
+      and could not, and the poor lady was displeased thereat, because she
+      declared that the making of a child wearied her much and cost her dear.
+      And this is true, or no doctrine is true, and you must burn the Gospels as
+      a pack of stories if you have not faith in this innocent remark.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This, nevertheless, to certain ladies (I did not mention men, since they
+      have a smattering of the science), will still seem an untruth. The writer
+      has taken care here to give the mute reasons for this strange antipathy; I
+      mean the distastes of Bertha, because I love the ladies above all things,
+      knowing that for want of the pleasure of love, my face would grow old and
+      my heart torment me. Did you ever meet a scribe so complacent and so fond
+      of the ladies as I am? No; of course not. Therefore, do I love them
+      devotedly, but not so often as I could wish, since I have oftener in my
+      hands my goose-quill than I have the barbs with which one tickles their
+      lips to make them laugh and be merry in all innocence. I understand them,
+      and in this way.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The good man Bastarnay was not a smart young fellow of an amorous nature,
+      and acquainted with the pranks of the thing. He did not trouble himself
+      much about the fashion in which he killed a soldier so long as he killed
+      him; that he would have killed him in all ways without saying a word in
+      battle, is, of course, understood. The perfect heedlessness in the matter
+      of death was in accordance with the nonchalance in the matter of life, the
+      birth and manner of begetting a child, and the ceremonies thereto
+      appertaining. The good sire was ignorant of the many litigious, dilatory,
+      interlocutory and proprietary exploits and the little humourings of the
+      little fagots placed in the oven to heat it; of the sweet perfumed
+      branches gathered little by little in the forests of love, fondlings,
+      coddlings, huggings, nursing, the bites at the cherry, the cat-licking,
+      and other little tricks and traffic of love which ruffians know, which
+      lovers preserve, and which the ladies love better than their salvation,
+      because there is more of the cat than the woman in them. This shines forth
+      in perfect evidence in their feminine ways. If you think it worth while
+      watching them, examine them attentively while they eat: not one of them (I
+      am speaking of women, noble and well-educated) puts her knife in the
+      eatables and thrusts it into her mouth, as do brutally the males; no, they
+      turn over their food, pick the pieces that please them as they would gray
+      peas in a dovecote; they suck the sauces by mouthfuls; play with their
+      knife and spoon as if they are only ate in consequence of a judge&rsquo;s order,
+      so much do they dislike to go straight to the point, and make free use of
+      variations, finesse, and little tricks in everything, which is the
+      especial attribute of these creatures, and the reason that the sons of
+      Adam delight in them, since they do everything differently to themselves,
+      and they do well. You think so too. Good! I love you.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Now then, Imbert de Bastarnay, an old soldier, ignorant of the tricks of
+      love, entered into the sweet garden of Venus as he would into a place
+      taken by assault, without giving any heed to the cries of the poor
+      inhabitants in tears, and placed a child as he would an arrow in the dark.
+      Although the gentle Bertha was not used to such treatment (poor child, she
+      was but fifteen), she believed in her virgin faith, that the happiness of
+      becoming a mother demanded this terrible, dreadful bruising and nasty
+      business; so during his painful task she would pray to God to assist her,
+      and recite <i>Aves</i> to our Lady, esteeming her lucky, in only having
+      the Holy Ghost to endure. By this means, never having experienced anything
+      but pain in marriage, she never troubled her husband to go through the
+      ceremony again. Now seeing that the old fellow was scarcely equal to it—as
+      has been before stated—she lived in perfect solitude, like a nun.
+      She hated the society of men, and never suspected that the Author of the
+      world had put so much joy in that from which she had only received
+      infinite misery. But she loved all the more her little one, who had cost
+      her so much before he was born. Do not be astonished, therefore, that she
+      held aloof from that gallant tourney in which it is the mare who governs
+      her cavalier, guides him, fatigues him, and abuses him, if he stumbles.
+      This is the true history of certain unhappy unions, according to the
+      statement of the old men and women, and the certain reason of the follies
+      committed by certain women, who too late perceive, I know not how, that
+      they have been deceived, and attempt to crowd into a day more time than it
+      will hold, to have their proper share of life. That is philosophical, my
+      friends. Therefore study well this page, in order that you may wisely look
+      to the proper government of your wives, your sweethearts, and all females
+      generally, and particularly those who by chance may be under your care,
+      from which God preserve you.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Thus a virgin in deed, although a mother, Bertha was in her
+      one-and-twentieth year a castle flower, the glory of her good man, and the
+      honour of the province. The said Bastarnay took great pleasure in
+      beholding this child come, go, and frisk about like a willow-switch, as
+      lively as an eel, as innocent as her little one, and still most sensible
+      and of sound understanding; so much so that he never undertook any project
+      without consulting her about it, seeing that if the minds of these angels
+      have not been disturbed in their purity, they give a sound answer to
+      everything one asks of them. At this time Bertha lived near the town of
+      Loches, in the castle of her lord, and there resided, with no desire to do
+      anything but look after her household duties, after the old custom of the
+      good housewives, from which the ladies of France were led away when Queen
+      Catherine and the Italians came with their balls and merry-makings. To
+      these practices Francis the First and his successors, whose easy ways did
+      as much harm to the State of France as the goings on of the Protestants
+      lent their aid. This, however, has nothing to do with my story.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      About this time the lord and lady of Bastarnay were invited by the king to
+      come to his town of Loches, where for the present he was with his court,
+      in which the beauty of the lady of Bastarnay had made a great noise.
+      Bertha came to Loches, received many kind praises from the king, was the
+      centre of the homage of all the young nobles, who feasted their eyes on
+      this apple of love, and of the old ones, who warmed themselves at this
+      sun. But you may be sure that all of them, old and young, would have
+      suffered death a thousand times over to have at their service this
+      instrument of joy, which dazzled their eyes and muddled their brains.
+      Bertha was more talked about in Loches then either God or the Gospels,
+      which enraged a great many ladies who were not so bountifully endowed with
+      charms, and would have given all that was left of their honour to have
+      sent back to her castle this fair gatherer of smiles.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      A young lady having early perceived that one of her lovers was smitten
+      with Bertha, took such a hatred to her that from it arose all the
+      misfortunes of the lady of Bastarnay; but also from the same source came
+      her happiness, and her discovery of the gentle land of love, of which she
+      was ignorant. This wicked lady had a relation who had confessed to her,
+      directly he saw Bertha, that to be her lover he would be willing to die
+      after a month&rsquo;s happiness with her. Bear in mind that this cousin was as
+      handsome as a girl is beautiful, had no hair on his chin, would have
+      gained his enemy&rsquo;s forgiveness by asking for it, so melodious was his
+      young voice, and was scarcely twenty years of age.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Dear cousin,&rdquo; said she to him, &ldquo;leave the room, and go to your house; I
+      will endeavour to give you this joy. But do not let yourself be seen by
+      her, nor by that old baboon-face by an error of nature on a Christian&rsquo;s
+      body, and to whom belongs this beauteous fay.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The young gentleman out of the way, the lady came rubbing her treacherous
+      nose against Bertha&rsquo;s, and called her &ldquo;My friend, my treasure, my star of
+      beauty&rdquo;; trying every way to be agreeable to her, to make her vengeance
+      more certain on the poor child who, all unwittingly, had caused her
+      lover&rsquo;s heart to be faithless, which, for women ambitious in love, is the
+      worst of infidelities. After a little conversation, the plotting lady
+      suspected that poor Bertha was a maiden in matters of love, when she saw
+      her eyes full of limpid water, no marks on the temples, no little black
+      speck on the point of her little nose, white as snow, where usually the
+      marks of the amusement are visible, no wrinkle on her brow; in short, no
+      habit of pleasure apparent on her face—clear as the face of an
+      innocent maiden. Then this traitress put certain women&rsquo;s questions to her,
+      and was perfectly assured by the replies of Bertha, that if she had had
+      the profit of being a mother, the pleasures of love had been denied to
+      her. At this she rejoiced greatly on her cousin&rsquo;s behalf—like the
+      good woman she was.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then she told her, that in the town of Loches there lived a young and
+      noble lady, of the family of a Rohan, who at that time had need of the
+      assistance of a lady of position to be reconciled with the Sire Louis de
+      Rohan; that if she had as much goodness as God had given her beauty, she
+      would take her with her to the castle, ascertain for herself the sanctity
+      of her life, and bring about a reconciliation with the Sire de Rohan, who
+      refused to receive her. To this Bertha consented without hesitation,
+      because the misfortunes of this girl were known to her, but not the poor
+      young lady herself, whose name was Sylvia, and whom she had believed to be
+      in a foreign land.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It is here necessary to state why the king had given this invitation to
+      the Sire de Bastarnay. He had a suspicion of the first flight of his son
+      the Dauphin into Burgundy, and wished to deprive him of so good a
+      counsellor as was the said Bastarnay. But the veteran, faithful to young
+      Louis, had already, without saying a word, made up his mind. Therefore he
+      took Bertha back to his castle; but before they set out she told him she
+      had taken a companion and introduced her to him. It was the young lord,
+      disguised as a girl, with the assistance of his cousin, who was jealous of
+      Bertha, and annoyed at her virtue. Imbert drew back a little when he
+      learned that it was Sylvia de Rohan, but was also much affected at the
+      kindness of Bertha, whom he thanked for her attempt to bring a little
+      wandering lamb back to the fold. He made much of his wife, when his last
+      night at home came, left men-at-arms about his castle, and then set out
+      with the Dauphin for Burgundy, having a cruel enemy in his bosom without
+      suspecting it. The face of the young lad was unknown to him, because he
+      was a young page come to see the king&rsquo;s court, and who had been brought up
+      by the Cardinal Dunois, in whose service he was a knight-bachelor.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The old lord, believing that he was a girl, thought him very modest and
+      timid, because the lad, doubting the language of his eyes, kept them
+      always cast down; and when Bertha kissed him on the mouth, he trembled
+      lest his petticoat might be indiscreet, and would walk away to the window,
+      so fearful was he of being recognised as a man by Bastarnay, and killed
+      before he had made love to the lady.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Therefore he was as joyful as any lover would have been in his place, when
+      the portcullis was lowered, and the old lord galloped away across the
+      country. He had been in such suspense that he made a vow to build a pillar
+      at his own expense in the cathedral at Tours, because he had escaped the
+      danger of his mad scheme. He gave, indeed, fifty gold marks to pay God for
+      his delight. But by chance he had to pay for it over again to the devil,
+      as it appears from the following facts if the tale pleases you well enough
+      to induce you to follow the narrative, which will be succinct, as all good
+      speeches should be.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      II HOW BERTHA BEHAVED, KNOWING THE BUSINESS OF LOVE
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This bachelor was the young Sire Jehan de Sacchez, cousin of the Sieur de
+      Montmorency, to whom, by the death of the said Jehan, the fiefs of Sacchez
+      and other places would return, according to the deed of tenure. He was
+      twenty years of age and glowed like a burning coal; therefore you may be
+      sure that he had a hard job to get through the first day. While old Imbert
+      was galloping across the fields, the two cousins perched themselves under
+      the lantern of the portcullis, in order to keep him the longer in view,
+      and waved him signals of farewells. When the clouds of dust raised by the
+      heels of the horses were no longer visible upon the horizon, they came
+      down and went into the great room of the castle.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What shall we do, dear cousin?&rdquo; said Bertha to the false Sylvia. &ldquo;Do you
+      like music? We will play together. Let us sing the lay of some sweet
+      ancient bard. Eh? What do you say? Come to my organ; come along. As you
+      love me, sing!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then she took Jehan by the hand and led him to the keyboard of the organ,
+      at which the young fellow seated himself prettily, after the manner of
+      women. &ldquo;Ah! sweet coz,&rdquo; cried Bertha, as soon as the first notes tried,
+      the lad turned his head towards her, in order that they might sing
+      together. &ldquo;Ah! sweet coz you have a wonderful glance in your eye; you move
+      I know not what in my heart.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! cousin,&rdquo; replied the false Sylvia, &ldquo;that it is which has been my
+      ruin. A sweet milord of the land across the sea told me so often that I
+      had fine eyes, and kissed them so well, that I yielded, so much pleasure
+      did I feel in letting them be kissed.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Cousin, does love then, commence in the eyes?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;In them is the forge of Cupid&rsquo;s bolts, my dear Bertha,&rdquo; said the lover,
+      casting fire and flame at her.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Let us go on with our singing.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      They then sang, by Jehan&rsquo;s desire, a lay of Christine de Pisan, every word
+      of which breathed love.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! cousin, what a deep and powerful voice you have. It seems to pierce
+      me.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Where?&rdquo; said the impudent Sylvia.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;There,&rdquo; replied Bertha, touching her little diaphragm, where the sounds
+      of love are understood better than by the ears, but the diaphragm lies
+      nearer the heart, and that which is undoubtedly the first brain, the
+      second heart, and the third ear of the ladies. I say this, with all
+      respect and with all honour, for physical reasons and for no others.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Let us leave off singing,&rdquo; said Bertha; &ldquo;it has too great an effect upon
+      me. Come to the window; we can do needlework until the evening.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! dear cousin of my soul, I don&rsquo;t know how to hold the needle in my
+      fingers, having been accustomed, to my perdition to do something else with
+      them.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Eh! what did you do then all day long?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! I yielded to the current of love, which makes days seem Instants,
+      months seem days, and years months; and if it could last, would gulp down
+      eternity like a strawberry, seeing that it is all youth and fragrance,
+      sweetness and endless joy.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then the youth dropped his beautiful eyelids over his eyes, and remained
+      as melancholy as a poor lady who has been abandoned by her lover, who
+      weeps for him, wishes to kiss him, and would pardon his perfidy, if he
+      would but seek once again the sweet path to his once-loved fold.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Cousin, does love blossom in the married state?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh no,&rdquo; said Sylvia; &ldquo;because in the married state everything is duty,
+      but in love everything is done in perfect freedom of heart. This
+      difference communicates an indescribable soft balm to those caresses which
+      are the flowers of love.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Cousin, let us change the conversation; it affects me more than did the
+      music.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      She called hastily to a servant to bring her boy to her, who came, and
+      when Sylvia saw him, she exclaimed—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! the little dear, he is as beautiful as love.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then she kissed him heartily upon the forehead.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Come, my little one,&rdquo; said the mother, as the child clambered into her
+      lap. &ldquo;Thou art thy mother&rsquo;s blessing, her unclouded joy, the delight of
+      her every hour, her crown, her jewel, her own pure pearl, her spotless
+      soul, her treasure, her morning and evening star, her only flame, and her
+      heart&rsquo;s darling. Give me thy hands, that I may eat them; give me thine
+      ears, that I may bite them; give me thy head, that I may kiss thy curls.
+      Be happy sweet flower of my body, that I may be happy too.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! cousin,&rdquo; said Sylvia, &ldquo;you are speaking the language of love to him.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Love is a child then?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, cousin; therefore the heathen always portrayed him as a little boy.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And with many other remarks fertile in the imagery of love, the two pretty
+      cousins amused themselves until supper time, playing with the child.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Would you like to have another?&rdquo; whispered Jehan, at an opportune moment,
+      into his cousin&rsquo;s ear, which he touched with his warm lips.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! Sylvia! for that I would ensure a hundred years of purgatory, if it
+      would only please God to give me that joy. But in spite of the work,
+      labour, and industry of my spouse, which causes me much pain, my waist
+      does not vary in size. Alas! It is nothing to have but one child. If I
+      hear the sound of a cry in the castle, my heart beats ready to burst. I
+      fear man and beast alike for this innocent darling; I dread volts, passes,
+      and manual exercises; in fact, I dread everything. I live not in myself,
+      but in him alone. And, alas! I like to endure these miseries, because when
+      I fidget, and tremble, it is a sign that my offspring is safe and sound.
+      To be brief—for I am never weary of talking on this subject—I
+      believe that my breath is in him, and not in myself.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      With these words she hugged him to her breasts, as only mothers know how
+      to hug children, with a spiritual force that is felt only in their hearts.
+      If you doubt this, watch a cat carrying her kittens in her mouth, not one
+      of them gives a single mew. The youthful gallant, who had certain fears
+      about watering this fair, unfertile plain, was reassured by this speech.
+      He thought then that it would only be following the commandments of God to
+      win this saint to love; and he thought right. At night Bertha asked her
+      cousin—according to the old custom, to which the ladies of our day
+      object—to keep her company in her big seigneurial bed. To which
+      request Sylvia replied—in order to keep up the role of a well-born
+      maiden—that nothing would give her greater pleasure. The curfew
+      rang, and found the two cousins in a chamber richly ornamented with
+      carpeting, fringes, and royal tapestries, and Bertha began gracefully to
+      disarray herself, assisted by her women. You can imagine that her
+      companion modestly declined their services, and told her cousin, with a
+      little blush, that she was accustomed to undress herself ever since she
+      had lost the services of her dearly beloved, who had put her out of
+      conceit with feminine fingers by his gentle ways; that these preparations
+      brought back the pretty speeches he used to make, and his merry pranks
+      while playing the lady&rsquo;s-maid; and that to her injury, the memory of all
+      these things brought the water into her mouth.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This discourse considerably astonished the lady Bertha, who let her cousin
+      say her prayers, and make other preparations for the night beneath the
+      curtains of the bed, into which my lord, inflamed with desire, soon
+      tumbled, happy at being able to catch an occasional glimpse of the
+      wondrous charms of the chatelaine, which were in no way injured. Bertha,
+      believing herself to be with an experienced girl, did not omit any of the
+      usual practices; she washed her feet, not minding whether she raised them
+      little or much, exposed her delicate little shoulders, and did as all the
+      ladies do when they are retiring to rest. At last she came to bed, and
+      settled herself comfortably in it, kissing her cousin on the lips, which
+      she found remarkably warm.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Are you unwell, Sylvia, that you burn so?&rdquo; said she.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I always burn like that when I go to bed,&rdquo; replied her companion,
+      &ldquo;because at that time there comes back to my memory the pretty little
+      tricks that he invented to please me, and which make me burn still more.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! cousin, tell me all about this he. Tell all the sweets of love to me,
+      who live beneath the shadow of a hoary head, of which the snows keep me
+      from such warm feelings. Tell me all; you are cured. It will be a good
+      warning to me, and then your misfortunes will have been a salutary lesson
+      to two poor weak women.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I do not know I ought to obey you, sweet cousin,&rdquo; said the youth.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Tell me, why not?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! deeds are better than words,&rdquo; said the false maiden, heaving a deep
+      sigh as the <i>ut</i> of an organ. &ldquo;But I am afraid that this milord has
+      encumbered me with so much joy that you may get a little of it, which
+      would be enough to give you a daughter, since the power of engendering is
+      weakened in me.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;But,&rdquo; said Bertha, &ldquo;between us, would it be a sin?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;It would be, on the contrary, a joy both here and in heaven; the angels
+      would shed their fragrance around you, and make sweet music in your ears.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Tell me quickly, then,&rdquo; said Bertha.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well, then, this is how my dear lord made my heart rejoice.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      With these words Jehan took Bertha in his arms, and strained her hungering
+      to his heart, for in the soft light of the lamp, and clothed with the
+      spotless linen, she was in this tempting bed, like the pretty petals of a
+      lily at the bottom of the virgin calyx.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;When he held me as I hold thee he said to me, with a voice far sweeter
+      than mine, &lsquo;Ah, Bertha, thou art my eternal love, my priceless treasure,
+      my joy by day and my joy by night; thou art fairer than the day is day;
+      there is naught so pretty as thou art. I love thee more than God, and
+      would endure a thousand deaths for the happiness I ask of thee!&rsquo; Then he
+      would kiss me, not after the manner of husbands, which is rough, but in a
+      peculiar dove-like fashion.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      To show her there and then how much better was the method of lovers, he
+      sucked all the honey from Bertha&rsquo;s lips, and taught her how, with her
+      pretty tongue, small and rosy as that of a cat, she could speak to the
+      heart without saying a single word, and becoming exhausted at this game,
+      Jehan spread the fire of his kisses from the mouth to the neck, from the
+      neck to the sweetest forms that ever a woman gave a child to slake its
+      thirst upon. And whoever had been in his place would have thought himself
+      a wicked man not to imitate him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah!&rdquo; said Bertha, fast bound in love without knowing it; &ldquo;this is better.
+      I must take care to tell Imbert about it.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Are you in your proper senses, cousin? Say nothing about it to your old
+      husband. How could he make his hands pleasant like mine? They are as hard
+      as washerwoman&rsquo;s beetles, and his piebald beard would hardly please this
+      centre of bliss, that rose in which lies our wealth, our substance, our
+      loves, and our fortune. Do you know that it is a living flower, which
+      should be fondled thus, and not used like a trombone, or as if it were a
+      catapult of war? Now this was the gentle way of my beloved Englishman.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thus saying, the handsome youth comported himself so bravely in the battle
+      that victory crowned his efforts, and poor innocent Bertha exclaimed—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! cousin, the angels are come! but so beautiful is the music, that I
+      hear nothing else, and so flaming are their luminous rays, that my eyes
+      are closing.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And, indeed, she fainted under the burden of those joys of love which
+      burst forth in her like the highest notes of the organ, which glistened
+      like the most magnificent aurora, which flowed in her veins like the
+      finest musk, and loosened the liens of her life in giving her a child of
+      love, who made a great deal of confusion in taking up his quarters.
+      Finally, Bertha imagined herself to be in Paradise, so happy did she feel;
+      and woke from this beautiful dream in the arms of Jehan, exclaiming—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! who would not have been married in England!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My sweet mistress,&rdquo; said Jehan, whose ecstasy was sooner over, &ldquo;you are
+      married to me in France, where things are managed still better, for I am a
+      man who would give a thousand lives for you if he had them.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Poor Bertha gave a shriek so sharp that it pierced the walls, and leapt
+      out of bed like a mountebank of the plains of Egypt would have done. She
+      fell upon her knees before her <i>Prie-Dieu</i>, joined her hands, and
+      wept more pearls than ever Mary Magdalene wore.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! I am dead&rdquo; she cried; &ldquo;I am deceived by a devil who has taken the
+      face of an angel. I am lost; I am the mother for certain of a beautiful
+      child, without being more guilty than you, Madame the Virgin. Implore the
+      pardon of God for me, if I have not that of men upon earth; or let me die,
+      so that I may not blush before my lord and master.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Hearing that she said nothing against him, Jehan rose, quite aghast to see
+      Bertha take this charming dance for two so to heart. But the moment she
+      heard her Gabriel moving she sprang quickly to her feet, regarded him with
+      a tearful face, and her eye illumined with a holy anger, which made her
+      more lovely to look upon, exclaimed—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;If you advance a single step towards me, I will make one towards death!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And she took her stiletto in her hand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      So heartrending was the tragic spectacle of her grief that Jehan answered
+      her—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;It is not for thee but for me to die, my dear, beautiful mistress, more
+      dearly loved than will ever woman be again upon this earth.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;If you had truly loved me you would not have killed me as you have, for I
+      will die sooner than be reproached by my husband.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Will you die?&rdquo; said he.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Assuredly,&rdquo; said she.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Now, if I am here pierced with a thousand blows, you will have your
+      husband&rsquo;s pardon, to whom you will say that if your innocence was
+      surprised, you have avenged his honour by killing the man who had deceived
+      you; and it will be the greatest happiness that could ever befall me to
+      die for you, the moment you refuse to live for me.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Hearing this tender discourse spoken with tears, Bertha dropped the
+      dagger; Jehan sprang upon it, and thrust it into his breast, saying—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Such happiness can be paid for but with death.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And fell stiff and stark.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Bertha, terrified, called aloud for her maid. The servant came, and
+      terribly alarmed to see a wounded man in Madame&rsquo;s chamber, and Madame
+      holding him up, crying and saying, &ldquo;What have you done, my love?&rdquo; because
+      she believed he was dead, and remembered her vanished joys, and thought
+      how beautiful Jehan must be, since everyone, even Imbert, believed him to
+      be a girl. In her sorrow she confessed all to her maid, sobbing and crying
+      out, &ldquo;that it was quite enough to have upon her mind the life of a child
+      without having the death of a man as well.&rdquo; Hearing this the poor lover
+      tried to open his eyes, and only succeeded in showing a little bit of the
+      white of them.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ha! Madame, don&rsquo;t cry out,&rdquo; said the servant, &ldquo;let us keep our senses
+      together and save this pretty knight. I will go and seek La Fallotte, in
+      order not to let any physician or surgeon into the secret, and as she is a
+      sorceress she will, to please Madame, perform the miracle of healing this
+      wound so not a trace of it shall remain.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Run!&rdquo; replied Bertha. &ldquo;I will love you, and will pay you well for this
+      assistance.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      But before anything else was done the lady and her maid agreed to be
+      silent about this adventure, and hide Jehan from every eye. Then the
+      servant went out into the night to seek La Fallotte, and was accompanied
+      by her mistress as far as the postern, because the guard could not raise
+      the portcullis without Bertha&rsquo;s special order. Bertha found on going back
+      that her lover had fainted, for the blood was flowing from the wound. At
+      the sight she drank a little of his blood, thinking that Jehan had shed it
+      for her. Affected by this great love and by the danger, she kissed this
+      pretty varlet of pleasure on the face, bound up his wound, bathing it with
+      her tears, beseeching him not to die, and exclaiming that if he would live
+      she would love him with all her heart. You can imagine that the chatelaine
+      became still more enamoured while observing what a difference there was
+      between a young knight like Jehan, white, downy, and agreeable, and an old
+      fellow like Imbert, bristly, yellow, and wrinkled. This difference brought
+      back to her memory that which she had found in the pleasure of love. Moved
+      by this souvenir, her kisses became so warm that Jehan came back to his
+      senses, his look improved, and he could see Bertha, from whom in a feeble
+      voice he asked forgiveness. But Bertha forbade him to speak until La
+      Fallotte had arrived. Then both of them consumed the time by loving each
+      other with their eyes, since in those of Bertha there was nothing but
+      compassion, and on these occasions pity is akin to love.
+    </p>
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/462s.jpg" alt="462s " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h4>
+      <a href="images/462.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a
+      href="images/462m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a>
+    </h4>
+    <p>
+      La Fallotte was a hunchback, vehemently suspected of dealings in
+      necromancy, and of riding to nocturnal orgies on a broomstick, according
+      to the custom of witches. Certain persons had seen her putting the harness
+      on her broom in the stable, which, as everyone knows is on the housetops.
+      To tell the truth, she possessed certain medical secrets, and was of such
+      great service to ladies in certain things, and to the nobles, that she
+      lived in perfect tranquillity, without giving up the ghost on a pile of
+      fagots, but on a feather bed, for she had made a hatful of money, although
+      the physicians tormented her by declaring that she sold poisons, which was
+      certainly true, as will be shown in the sequel. The servant and La
+      Fallotte came on the same ass, making such haste that they arrived at the
+      castle before the day had fully dawned.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The old hunchback exclaimed, as she entered the chamber, &ldquo;Now then, my
+      children, what is the matter?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      This was her manner, which was familiar with great people, who appeared
+      very small to her. She put on her spectacles, and carefully examined the
+      wound, saying—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;This is fine blood, my dear; you have tasted it. That&rsquo;s all right, he has
+      bled externally.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then she washed the wound with a fine sponge, under the nose of the lady
+      and the servant, who held their breath. To be brief, Fallotte gave it as
+      her medical opinion, that the youth would not die from this blow,
+      &ldquo;although,&rdquo; said she, looking at his hand, &ldquo;he will come to a violent end
+      through this night&rsquo;s deed.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      This decree of chiromancy frightened considerably both Bertha and the
+      maid. Fallotte prescribed certain remedies, and promised to come again the
+      following night. Indeed, she tended the wound for a whole fortnight,
+      coming secretly at night-time. The people about the castle were told by
+      the servants that their young lady, Sylvia de Rohan, was in danger of
+      death, through a swelling of the stomach, which must remain a mystery for
+      the honour of Madame, who was her cousin. Each one was satisfied with this
+      story, of which his mouth was so full that he told it to his fellows.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The good people believe that it was the malady which was fraught with
+      danger; but it was not! it was the convalescence, for the stronger Jehan
+      grew, the weaker Bertha became, and so weak that she allowed herself to
+      drift into that Paradise the gates of which Jehan had opened for her. To
+      be brief, she loved him more and more. But in the midst of her happiness,
+      always mingled with apprehension at the menacing words of Fallotte, and
+      tormented by her great religion, she was in great fear of her husband,
+      Imbert, to whom she was compelled to write that he had given her a child,
+      who would be ready to delight him on his return. Poor Bertha avoided her
+      lover, Jehan, during the day on which she wrote the lying letter, over
+      which she soaked her handkerchief with tears. Finding himself avoided (for
+      they had previously left each other no more than fire leaves the wood it
+      has bitten) Jehan believed that she was beginning to hate him, and
+      straightway he cried too. In the evening Bertha, touched by his tears,
+      which had left their mark upon his eyes, although he had well dried them,
+      told him the cause of her sorrow, mingling therewith her confessions of
+      her terrors for the future, pointing out to him how much they were both to
+      blame, and discoursing so beautifully to him, gave utterance to such
+      Christian sentences, ornamented with holy tears and contrite prayers, that
+      Jehan was touched to the quick by the sincerity of his mistress. This love
+      innocently united to repentance, this nobility in sin, this mixture of
+      weakness and strength, would, as the old authors say, have changed the
+      nature of a tiger, melting it to pity. You will not be astonished then,
+      that Jehan was compelled to pledge his word as a knight-bachelor, to obey
+      her in what ever she should command him, to save her in this world and in
+      the next. Delighted at this confidence in her, and this goodness of heart,
+      Bertha cast herself at Jehan&rsquo;s feet, and kissing them, exclaimed—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh! my love, whom I am compelled to love, although it is a mortal sin to
+      do so, thou who art so good, so gentle to thy poor Bertha, if thou wouldst
+      have her always think of thee with pleasure, and stop the torrent of her
+      tears, whose source is so pretty and so pleasant (here, to show him that
+      it was so, she let him steal a kiss)—Jehan, if thou wouldst that the
+      memory of our celestial joys, angel music, and the fragrance of love
+      should be a consolation to me in my loneliness rather than a torment, do
+      that which the Virgin commanded me to order thee in a dream, in which I
+      was beseeching her to direct me in the present case, for I had asked her
+      to come to me, and she had come. Then I told her the horrible anguish I
+      should endure, trembling for this little one, whose movements I already
+      feel, and for the real father, who would be at the mercy of the other, and
+      might expiate his paternity by a violent death, since it is possible that
+      La Fallotte saw clearly into his future life. Then the beautiful Virgin
+      told me, smiling, that the Church offered its forgiveness for our faults
+      if we followed her commandments; that it was necessary to save one&rsquo;s self
+      from the pains of hell, by reforming before Heaven became angry. Then with
+      her finger she showed me a Jehan like thee, but dressed as thou shouldst
+      be, and as thou wilt be, if thou does but love thy Bertha with a love
+      eternal.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Jehan assured her of his perfect obedience, and raised her, seating her on
+      his knee, and kissing her. The unhappy Bertha told him then that this
+      garment was a monk&rsquo;s frock, and trembling besought him —almost
+      fearing a refusal—to enter the Church, and retire to Marmoustier,
+      beyond Tours, pledging him her word that she would grant him a last night,
+      after which she would be neither for him nor for anyone else in the world
+      again. And each year, as a reward for this, she would let him come to her
+      one day, in order that he might see the child. Jehan, bound by his oath,
+      promised to obey his mistress, saying that by this means he would be
+      faithful to her, and would experience no joys of love but those tasted in
+      her divine embrace, and would live upon the dear remembrance of them.
+      Hearing these sweet words, Bertha declared to him that, however great
+      might have been her sin, and whatever God reserved for her, this happiness
+      would enable her to support it, since she believed she had not fallen
+      through a man, but through an angel.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then they returned to the nest which contained their love but only to bid
+      a final adieu to all their lovely flowers. There can be but little doubt
+      that Seigneur Cupid had something to do with this festival, for no woman
+      ever experienced such joy in any part of the world before, and no man ever
+      took as much. The especial property of true love is a certain harmony,
+      which brings it about that the more one gives, the more the other
+      receives, and vice-versa, as in certain cases in mathematics, where things
+      are multiplied by themselves without end. This problem can only be
+      explained to unscientific people, by asking them to look into their
+      Venetian glasses, in which are to be seen thousands of faces produced by
+      one alone. Thus, in the heart of two lovers, the roses of pleasure
+      multiply within them in a manner which causes them to be astonished that
+      so much joy can be contained, without anything bursting. Bertha and Jehan
+      would have wished in this night to have finished their days, and thought,
+      from the excessive languor which flowed in their veins, that love had
+      resolved to bear them away on his wings with the kiss of death; but they
+      held out in spite of these numerous multiplications.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      On the morrow, as the return of Monsieur Imbert de Bastarnay was close at
+      hand, the lady Sylvia was compelled to depart. The poor girl left her
+      cousin, covering her with tears and with kisses; it was always her last,
+      but the last lasted till evening. Then he was compelled to leave her, and
+      he did leave her although the blood of his heart congealed, like the
+      fallen wax of a Paschal candle. According to his promise, he wended his
+      way towards Marmoustier, which he entered towards the eleventh hour of the
+      day, and was placed among the novices. Monseigneur de Bastarnay was
+      informed that Sylvia had returned to the Lord which is the signification
+      of le Seigneur in the English language; and therefore in this Bertha did
+      not lie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The joy of her husband, when he saw Bertha without her waistband—she
+      could not wear it, so much had she increased in size—commenced the
+      martyrdom of this poor woman, who did not know how to deceive, and who, at
+      each false word, went to her Prie-Dieu, wept her blood away from her eyes
+      in tears, burst into prayers, and recommended herself to the graces of
+      Messieurs the Saints in paradise. It happened that she cried so loudly to
+      God that He heard her, because He hears everything; He hears the stones
+      that roll beneath the waters, the poor who groan, and the flies who wing
+      their way through the air. It is well that you should know this, otherwise
+      you would not believe in what happened. God commanded the archangel
+      Michael to make for this penitent a hell upon earth, so that she might
+      enter without dispute into Paradise. Then St. Michael descended from the
+      skies as far as the gate of hell, and handed over this triple soul to the
+      devil, telling him that he had permission to torment it during the rest of
+      her days, at the same time indicating to him Bertha, Jehan and the child.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The devil, who by the will of God, is lord of all evil, told the archangel
+      that he would obey the message. During this heavenly arrangement life went
+      on as usual here below. The sweet lady of Bastarnay gave the most
+      beautiful child in the world to the Sire Imbert, a boy all lilies and
+      roses, of great intelligence, like a little Jesus, merry and arch as a
+      pagan love. He became more beautiful day by day, while the elder was
+      turning into an ape, like his father, whom he painfully resembled. The
+      younger boy was as bright as a star, and resembled his father and mother,
+      whose corporeal and spiritual perfections had produced a compound of
+      illustrious graces and marvellous intelligence. Seeing this perpetual
+      miracle of body and mind blended with the essential conditions, Bastarnay
+      declared that for his eternal salvation he would like to make the younger
+      the elder, and that he would do with the king&rsquo;s protection. Bertha did not
+      know what to do, for she adored the child of Jehan, and could only feel a
+      feeble affection for the other, whom, nevertheless she protected against
+      the evil intentions of the old fellow, Bastarnay.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Bertha, satisfied with the way things were going, quieted her conscience
+      with falsehood, and thought that all danger was past, since twelve years
+      had elapsed with no other alloy than the doubt which at times embittered
+      her joy. Each year, according to her pledged faith, the monk of
+      Marmoustier, who was unknown to everyone except the servant-maid, came to
+      pass a whole day at the chateau to see his child, although Bertha had many
+      times besought brother Jehan to yield his right. But Jehan pointed to the
+      child, saying, &ldquo;You see him every day of the year, and I only once!&rdquo; And
+      the poor mother could find no word to answer this speech with.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      A few months before the last rebellion of the Dauphin Louis against his
+      father, the boy was treading closely on the heels of his twelfth year, and
+      appeared likely to become a great savant, so learned was he in all the
+      sciences. Old Bastarnay had never been more delighted at having been a
+      father in his life, and resolved to take his son with him to the Court of
+      Burgundy, where Duke Charles promised to make for this well-beloved son a
+      position, which should be the envy of princes, for he was not at all
+      averse to clever people. Seeing matters thus arranged, the devil judged
+      the time to be ripe for his mischiefs. He took his tail and flapped it
+      right into the middle of this happiness, so that he could stir it up in
+      his own peculiar way.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      III HORRIBLE CHASTISEMENT OF BERTHA AND EXPIATION OF THE SAME, WHO DIED
+      PARDONED
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The servant of the lady of Bastarnay, who was then about five-and-thirty
+      years old, fell in love with one of the master&rsquo;s men-at-arms, and was
+      silly enough to let him take loaves out of the oven, until there resulted
+      therefrom a natural swelling, which certain wags in these parts call a
+      nine months&rsquo; dropsy. The poor woman begged her mistress to intercede for
+      her with the master, so that he might compel this wicked man to finish at
+      the altar that which he had commenced elsewhere. Madame de Bastarnay had
+      no difficulty in obtaining this favour from him, and the servant was quite
+      satisfied. But the old warrior, who was always extremely rough, hastened
+      into his pretorium, and blew him up sky-high, ordering him, under the pain
+      of the gallows, to marry the girl; which the soldier preferred to do,
+      thinking more of his neck than of his peace of mind.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Bastarnay sent also for the female, to whom he imagined, for the honour of
+      his house, he ought to sing a litany, mixed with epithets and ornamented
+      with extremely strong expressions, and made her think, by way of
+      punishment, that she was not going to be married, but flung into one of
+      the cells in the jail. The girl fancied that Madame wanted to get rid of
+      her, in order to inter the secret of the birth of her beloved son. With
+      this impression, when the old ape said such outrageous things to her—namely,
+      that he must have been a fool to keep a harlot in his house—she
+      replied that he certainly was a very big fool, seeing that for a long time
+      past his wife had been played the harlot, and with a monk too, which was
+      the worst thing that could happen to a warrior.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Think of the greatest storm you ever saw it in your life, and you will
+      have a weak sketch of the furious rage into which the old man fell, when
+      thus assailed in a portion of his heart which was a triple life. He seized
+      the girl by the throat, and would have killed her there and then, but she,
+      to prove her story, detailed the how, the why, and the when, and said that
+      if he had no faith in her, he could have the evidence of his own ears by
+      hiding himself the day that Father Jehan de Sacchez, the prior of
+      Marmoustier, came. He would then hear the words of the father, who solaced
+      herself for his year&rsquo;s fast, and in one day kissed his son for the rest of
+      the year.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Imbert ordered this woman instantly to leave the castle, since, if her
+      accusation were true, he would kill her just as though she had invented a
+      tissue of lies. In an instant he had given her a hundred crowns, besides
+      her man, enjoining them not to sleep in Touraine; and for greater
+      security, they were conducted into Burgundy, by de Bastarnay&rsquo;s officers.
+      He informed his wife of their departure, saying, that as her servant was a
+      damaged article he had thought it best to get rid of her, but had given
+      her a hundred crowns, and found employment for the man at the Court of
+      Burgundy. Bertha was astonished to learn that her maid had left the castle
+      without receiving her dismissal from herself, her mistress; but she said
+      nothing. Soon afterwards she had other fish to fry, for she became a prey
+      to vague apprehensions, because her husband completely changed in his
+      manner, commenced to notice the likeness of his first-born to himself, and
+      could find nothing resembling his nose, or his forehead, his this, or his
+      that, in the youngest he loved so well.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;He is my very image,&rdquo; replied Bertha one day that he was throwing out
+      these hints. &ldquo;Know you not that in well regulated households, children are
+      formed from the father and mother, each in turn, or often from both
+      together, because the mother mingles her qualities with the vital force of
+      the father? Some physicians declare that they have known many children
+      born without any resemblance to either father or mother, and attribute
+      these mysteries to the whim of the Almighty.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You have become very learned, my dear,&rdquo; replied Bastarnay; &ldquo;but I, who am
+      an ignoramus, I should fancy that a child who resembles a monk—&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Had a monk for a father!&rdquo; said Bertha, looking at him with an unflinching
+      gaze, although ice rather than blood was coursing through her veins.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The old fellow thought he was mistaken, and cursed the servant; but he was
+      none the less determined to make sure of the affair. As the day of Father
+      Jehan&rsquo;s visit was close at hand, Bertha, whose suspicions were aroused by
+      this speech, wrote him that it was her wish that he should not come this
+      year, without, however, telling him her reason; then she went in search of
+      La Fallotte at Loches, who was to give her letter to Jehan, and believed
+      everything was safe for the present. She was all the more pleased at
+      having written to her friend the prior, when Imbert, who, towards the time
+      appointed for the poor monk&rsquo;s annual treat, had always been accustomed to
+      take a journey into the province of Maine, where he had considerable
+      property, remained this time at home, giving as his reason the
+      preparations for rebellion which monseigneur Louis was then making against
+      his father, who as everyone knows, was so cut up at this revolt that it
+      caused his death. This reason was so good a one, that poor Bertha was
+      quite satisfied with it, and did not trouble herself. On the regular day,
+      however, the prior arrived as usual. Bertha seeing him, turned pale, and
+      asked him if he had not received her message.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What message?&rdquo; said Jehan.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! we are lost then; the child, thou, and I,&rdquo; replied Bertha.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Why so?&rdquo; said the prior.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I know not,&rdquo; said she; &ldquo;but our last day has come.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      She inquired of her dearly beloved son where Bastarnay was. The young man
+      told her that his father had been sent for by a special messenger to
+      Loches, and would not be back until evening. Thereupon Jehan wished, is
+      spite of his mistress, to remain with her and his dear son, asserting that
+      no harm would come of it, after the lapse of twelve years, since the birth
+      of their boy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The days when that adventurous night you know of was celebrated, Bertha
+      stayed in her room with the poor monk until supper time. But on this
+      occasion the lovers—hastened by the apprehensions of Bertha, which
+      was shared by Jehan directly she had informed him of them—dined
+      immediately, although the prior of Marmoustier reassured Bertha by
+      pointing out to her the privileges of the Church, and how Bastarnay,
+      already in bad odour at court, would be afraid to attack a dignitary of
+      Marmoustier. When they were sitting down to table their little one
+      happened to be playing, and in spite of the reiterated prayers of his
+      mother, would not stop his games, since he was galloping about the
+      courtyard on a fine Spanish barb, which Duke Charles of Burgundy had
+      presented to Bastarnay. And because young lads like to show off, varlets
+      make themselves bachelors at arms, and bachelors wish to play the knight,
+      this boy was delighted at being able to show the monk what a man he was
+      becoming; he made the horse jump like a flea in the bedclothes, and sat as
+      steady as a trooper in the saddle.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Let him have his way, my darling,&rdquo; said the monk to Bertha. &ldquo;Disobedient
+      children often become great characters.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Bertha ate sparingly, for her heart was as swollen as a sponge in water.
+      At the first mouthful, the monk, who was a great scholar, felt in his
+      stomach a pain, and on his palette a bitter taste of poison that caused
+      him to suspect that the Sire de Bastarnay had given them all their
+      quietus. Before he had made this discovery Bertha had eaten. Suddenly the
+      monk pulled off the tablecloth and flung everything into the fireplace,
+      telling Bertha his suspicion. Bertha thanked the Virgin that her son had
+      been so taken up with his sport. Retaining his presence of mind, Jehan,
+      who had not forgotten the lesson he had learned as a page, leaped into the
+      courtyard, lifted his son from the horse, sprang across it himself, and
+      flew across the country with such speed that you would have thought him a
+      shooting-star if you had seen him digging the spurs into the horse&rsquo;s
+      bleeding flanks, and he was at Loches in Fallotte&rsquo;s house in the same
+      space of time that only the devil could have done the journey. He stated
+      the case to her in two words, for the poison was already frying his
+      marrow, and requested her to give him an antidote.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Alas,&rdquo; said the sorceress, &ldquo;had I known that it was for you I was giving
+      this poison, I would have received in my breast the dagger&rsquo;s point, with
+      which I was threatened, and would have sacrificed my poor life to save
+      that of a man of God, and of the sweetest woman that ever blossomed on
+      this earth; for alas! my dear friend, I have only two drops of the
+      counter-poison that you see in this phial.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Is there enough for her?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, but go at once,&rdquo; said the old hag.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The monk came back more quickly that he went, so that the horse died under
+      him in the courtyard. He rushed into the room where Bertha, believing her
+      last hour to be come, was kissing her son, and writhing like a lizard in
+      the fire, uttering no cry for herself, but for the child, left to the
+      wrath of Bastarnay, forgetting her own agony at the thought of his cruel
+      future.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Take this,&rdquo; said the monk; &ldquo;my life is saved!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Jehan had the great courage to say these words with an unmoved face,
+      although he felt the claws of death seizing his heart. Hardly had Bertha
+      drunk when the prior fell dead, not, however, without kissing his son, and
+      regarding his dear lady with an eye that changed not even after his last
+      sigh. This sight turned her as cold as marble, and terrified her so much
+      that she remained rigid before this dead man, stretched at her feet,
+      pressing the hand of her child, who wept, although her own eye was as dry
+      as the Red Sea when the Hebrews crossed it under the leadership of Baron
+      Moses, for it seemed to her that she had sharp sand rolling under her
+      eyelids. Pray for her, ye charitable souls, for never was woman so
+      agonised, in divining that her lover has saved her life at the expense of
+      his own. Aided by her son, she herself placed the monk in the middle of
+      the bed, and stood by the side of it, praying with the boy, whom she then
+      told that the prior was his true father. In this state she waited her evil
+      hour, and her evil hour did not take long in coming, for towards the
+      eleventh hour Bastarnay arrived, and was informed at the portcullis that
+      the monk was dead, and not Madame and the child, and he saw his beautiful
+      Spanish horse lying dead. Thereupon, seized with a furious desire to slay
+      Bertha and the monk&rsquo;s bastard, he sprang up the stairs with one bound; but
+      at the sight of the corpse, for whom his wife and her son repeated
+      incessant litanies, having no ears for his torrent of invective, having no
+      eyes for his writhings and threats, he had no longer the courage to
+      perpetrate this dark deed. After the first fury of his rage had passed, he
+      could not bring himself to it, and quitted the room like a coward and a
+      man taken in crime, stung to the quick by those prayers continuously said
+      for the monk. The night was passed in tears, groans, and prayers.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      By an express order from Madame, her servant had been to Loches to
+      purchase for her the attire of a young lady of quality, and for her poor
+      child a horse and the arms of an esquire; noticing which the Sieur de
+      Bastarnay was much astonished. He sent for Madame and the monk&rsquo;s son, but
+      neither mother nor child returned any answer, but quietly put on the
+      clothes purchased by the servant. By Madame&rsquo;s order this servant made up
+      the account of her effects, arranged her clothes, purples, jewels, and
+      diamonds, as the property of a widow is arranged when she renounces her
+      rights. Bertha ordered even her alms-purse be included, in order that the
+      ceremony might be perfect. The report of these preparations ran through
+      the house, and everyone knew then that the mistress was about to leave it,
+      a circumstance that filled every heart with sorrow, even that of a little
+      scullion, who had only been a week in the place, but to whom Madame had
+      already given a kind word.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Frightened at these preparations, old Bastarnay came into her chamber, and
+      found her weeping over the body of Jehan, for the tears had come at last;
+      but she dried them directly she perceived her husband. To his numerous
+      questions she replied briefly by the confession of her fault, telling him
+      how she had been duped, how the poor page had been distressed, showing him
+      upon the corpse the mark of the poniard wound; how long he had been
+      getting well; and how, in obedience to her, and from penitence towards
+      God, he had entered the Church, abandoning the glorious career of a
+      knight, putting an end to his name, which was certainly worse than death;
+      how she, while avenging her honour, had thought that even God himself
+      would not have refused the monk one day in the year to see the son for
+      whom he had sacrificed everything; how, not wishing to live with a
+      murderer, she was about to quit his house, leaving all her property behind
+      her; because, if the honour of the Bastarnays was stained, it was not she
+      who had brought the shame about; because in this calamity she had arranged
+      matters as best she could; finally, she added a vow to go over mountain
+      and valley, she and her son, until all was expiated, for she knew how to
+      expiate all.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Having with noble mien and a pale face uttered these beautiful words, she
+      took her child by the hand and went out in great mourning, more
+      magnificently beautiful than was Mademoiselle Hagar on her departure from
+      the residence of the patriarch Abraham, and so proudly, that all the
+      servants and retainers fell on their knees as she passed along, imploring
+      her with joined hands, like Notre Dame de la Riche. It was pitiful to see
+      the Sieur de Bastarnay following her, ashamed, weeping, confessing himself
+      to blame, and downcast and despairing, like a man being led to the
+      gallows, there to be turned off.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      And Bertha turned a deaf ear to everything. The desolation was so great
+      that she found the drawbridge lowered, and hastened to quit the castle,
+      fearing that it might be suddenly raised again; but no one had the right
+      or the heart to do it. She sat down on the curb of the moat, in view of
+      the whole castle, who begged her, with tears, to stay. The poor sire was
+      standing with his hand upon the chain of the portcullis, as silent as the
+      stone saints carved above the door. He saw Bertha order her son to shake
+      the dust from his shoes at the end of the bridge, in order to have nothing
+      belonging to Bastarnay about him; and she did likewise. Then, indicating
+      the sire to her son with her finger, she spoke to him as follows—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Child, behold the murderer of thy father, who was, as thou art aware, the
+      poor prior; but thou hast taken the name of this man. Give it him back
+      here, even as thou leavest the dust taken by the shoes from his castle.
+      For the food that thou hast had in the castle, by God&rsquo;s help we will also
+      settle.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Hearing this, Bastarnay would have let his wife receive a whole monastery
+      of monks in order not to be abandoned by her, and by a young squire
+      capable of becoming the honour of his house, and remained with his head
+      sunk down against the chains.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The heart of Bertha was suddenly filled with holy solace, for the banner
+      of the great monastery turned the corner of a road across the fields, and
+      appeared accompanied by the chants of the Church, which burst forth like
+      heavenly music. The monks, informed of the murder perpetrated on their
+      well-beloved prior, came in procession, assisted by the ecclesiastical
+      justice, to claim his body. When he saw this, the Sire de Bastarnay had
+      barely that time to make for the postern with his men, and set out towards
+      Monseigneur Louis, leaving everything in confusion.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Poor Bertha, en croup behind her son, came to Montbazon to bid her father
+      farewell, telling him that this blow would be her death, and was consoled
+      by those of her family who endeavoured to raise her spirits, but were
+      unable to do so. The old Sire de Rohan presented his grandson with a
+      splendid suit of armour, telling him to acquire glory and honour that he
+      might turn his mother&rsquo;s faults into eternal renown. But Madame de
+      Bastarnay had implanted in the mind of her dear son no other idea than of
+      atoning for the harm done, in order to save her and Jehan from eternal
+      damnation. Both then set out for the places then in a state of rebellion,
+      in order to render such service to Bastarnay that he would receive from
+      them more than life itself.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Now the heat of the sedition was, as everyone knows, in the neighbourhood
+      of Angouleme, and of Bordeaux in Guienne, and other parts of the kingdom,
+      where great battles and severe conflicts between the rebels and the royal
+      armies was likely to take place. The principal one which finished the war
+      was given between Ruffec and Angouleme, where all the prisoners taken were
+      tried and hanged. This battle, commanded by old Bastarnay, took place in
+      the month of November, seven months after the poisoning of Jehan. Now the
+      Baron knew that his head had been strongly recommended as one to be cut
+      off, he being the right hand of Monsiegneur Louis. Directly his men began
+      to fall back, the old fellow found himself surrounded by six men
+      determined to seize him. Then he understood that they wished to take him
+      alive, in order to proceed against his house, ruin his name, and
+      confiscate his property. The poor sire preferred rather to die and save
+      his family, and present the domains to his son. He defended himself like
+      the brave old lion that he was. In spite of their number, these said
+      soldiers, seeing three of their comrades fall, were obliged to attack
+      Bastarnay at the risk of killing him, and threw themselves together upon
+      him, after having laid low two of his equerries and a page.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In this extreme danger an esquire wearing the arms of Rohan, fell upon the
+      assailants like a thunderbolt, and killed two of them, crying, &ldquo;God save
+      the Bastarnays!&rdquo; The third man-at-arms, who had already seized old
+      Bastarnay, was so hard pressed by this squire, that he was obliged to
+      leave the elder and turn against the younger, to whom he gave a thrust
+      with his dagger through a flaw in his armour. Bastarnay was too good a
+      comrade to fly without assisting the liberator of his house, who was badly
+      wounded. With a blow of his mace he killed the man-at-arms, seized the
+      squire, lifted him on to his horse, and gained the open, accompanied by a
+      guide, who led him to the castle of Roche-Foucauld, which he entered by
+      night, and found in the great room Bertha de Rohan, who had arranged this
+      retreat for him. But on removing the helmet of his rescuer, he recognised
+      the son of Jehan, who expired upon the table, as by a final effort he
+      kissed his mother, and saying in a loud voice to her—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Mother, we have paid the debt we owed him!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Hearing these words, the mother clasped the body of her loved child to her
+      heart, and separated from him never again, for she died of grief, without
+      hearing or heeding the pardon and repentance of Bastarnay.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The strange calamity hastened the last day of the poor old man, who did
+      not live to see the coronation of King Louis the Eleventh. He founded a
+      daily mass in the Church of Roche-Foucauld, where in the same grave he
+      placed mother and son, with a large tombstone, upon which their lives are
+      much honoured in the Latin language.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The morals which any one can deduce from this history are the most
+      profitable for the conduct of life, since this shows how gentlemen should
+      be courteous with the dearly beloveds of their wives. Further, it teaches
+      us that all children are blessings sent by God Himself, and over them
+      fathers, whether true or false, have no right of murder, as was formerly
+      the case at Rome, owing to a heathen and abominable law, which ill became
+      that Christianity which makes us all sons of God.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0041" id="link2H_4_0041">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      HOW THE PRETTY MAID OF PORTILLON CONVINCED HER JUDGE
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      The Maid of Portillon, who became as everyone knows, La Tascherette, was,
+      before she became a dyer, a laundress at the said place of Portillon, from
+      which she took her name. If any there be who do not know Tours, it may be
+      as well to state that Portillon is down the Loire, on the same side as St.
+      Cyr, about as far from the bridge which leads to the cathedral of Tours as
+      said bridge is distant from Marmoustier, since the bridge is in the centre
+      of the embankment between Portillon and Marmoustier. Do you thoroughly
+      understand?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Yes? Good! Now the maid had there her washhouse, from which she ran to the
+      Loire with her washing in a second and took the ferry-boat to get to St.
+      Martin, which was on the other side of the river, for she had to deliver
+      the greater part of her work in Chateauneuf and other places.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      About Midsummer day, seven years before marrying old Taschereau, she had
+      just reached the right age to be loved, without making a choice from any
+      of the lads who pursued her with their intentions. Although there used to
+      come to the bench under her window the son of Rabelais, who had seven
+      boats on the Loire, Jehan&rsquo;s eldest, Marchandeau the tailor, and Peccard
+      the ecclesiastical goldsmith, she made fun of them all, because she wished
+      to be taken to church before burthening herself with a man, which proves
+      that she was an honest woman until she was wheedled out of her virtue. She
+      was one of those girls who take great care not to be contaminated, but
+      who, if by chance they get deceived, let things take their course,
+      thinking that for one stain or for fifty a good polishing up is necessary.
+      These characters demand our indulgence.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      A young noble of the court perceived her one day when she was crossing the
+      water in the glare of the noonday sun, which lit up her ample charms, and
+      seeing her, asked who she was. An old man, who was working on the banks,
+      told him she was called the Pretty Maid of Portillon, a laundress,
+      celebrated for her merry ways and her virtue. This young lord, besides
+      ruffles to starch, had many precious draperies and things; he resolved to
+      give the custom of his house to this girl, whom he stopped on the road. He
+      was thanked by her and heartily, because he was the Sire du Fou, the
+      king&rsquo;s chamberlain. This encounter made her so joyful that her mouth was
+      full of his name. She talked about it a great deal to the people of St.
+      Martin, and when she got back to the washhouse was still full of it, and
+      on the morrow at her work her tongue went nineteen to the dozen, and all
+      on the same subject, so that as much was said concerning my Lord du Fou in
+      Portillon as of God in a sermon; that is, a great deal too much.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;If she works like that in cold water, what will she do in warm?&rdquo; said an
+      old washerwoman. &ldquo;She wants du Fou; he&rsquo;ll give her du Fou!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The first time this giddy wench, with her head full of Monsieur du Fou,
+      had to deliver the linen at his hotel, the chamberlain wished to see her,
+      and was very profuse in praises and compliments concerning her charms, and
+      wound up by telling her that she was not at all silly to be beautiful, and
+      therefore he would give her more than she expected. The deed followed the
+      word, for the moment his people were out of the room, he began to caress
+      the maid, who thinking he was about to take out the money from his purse,
+      dared not look at the purse, but said, like a girl ashamed to take her
+      wages—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;It will be for the first time.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;It will be soon,&rdquo; said he.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Some people say that he had great difficulty in forcing her to accept what
+      he offered her, and hardly forced her at all; others that he forced her
+      badly, because she came out like an army flagging on the route, crying and
+      groaning, and came to the judge. It happened that the judge was out. La
+      Portillone awaited his return in his room, weeping and saying to the
+      servant that she had been robbed, because Monseigneur du Fou had given her
+      nothing but his mischief; whilst a canon of the Chapter used to give her
+      large sums for that which M. du Fou wanted for nothing. If she loved a man
+      she would think it wise to do things for him for nothing, because it would
+      be a pleasure to her; but the chamberlain had treated her roughly, and not
+      kindly and gently, as he should have done, and that therefore he owed her
+      the thousand crowns of the canon. Then the judge came in, saw the wench,
+      and wished to kiss her, but she put herself on guard, and said she had
+      come to make a complaint. The judge replied that certainly she could have
+      the offender hanged if she liked, because he was most anxious to serve
+      her. The injured maiden replied that she did not wish the death of her
+      man, but that he should pay her a thousand gold crowns, because she had
+      been robbed against her will.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ha! ha!&rdquo; said the judge, &ldquo;what he took was worth more than that.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;For the thousand crowns I&rsquo;ll cry quits, because I shall be able to live
+      without washing.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;He who has robbed you, is he well off?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh yes.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Then he shall pay dearly for it. Who is it?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Monseigneur du Fou.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Oh, that alters the case,&rdquo; said the judge.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;But justice?&rdquo; said she.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I said the case, not the justice of it,&rdquo; replied the judge. &ldquo;I must know
+      how the affair occurred.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then the girl related naively how she was arranging the young lord&rsquo;s
+      ruffles in his wardrobe, when he began to play with her skirt, and she
+      turned round saying—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Go on with you!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You have no case,&rdquo; said the judge, &ldquo;for by that speech he thought that
+      you gave him leave to go on. Ha! ha!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then she declared that she had defended herself, weeping and crying out,
+      and that that constitutes an assault.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;A wench&rsquo;s antics to incite him,&rdquo; said the judge.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Finally, La Portillone declared that against her will she had been taken
+      round the waist and thrown, although she had kicked and cried and
+      struggled, but that seeing no help at hand, she had lost courage.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Good! good!&rdquo; said the judge. &ldquo;Did you take pleasure in the affair?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No,&rdquo; said she. &ldquo;My anguish can only be paid for with a thousand crowns.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My dear,&rdquo; said the judge, &ldquo;I cannot receive your complaint, because I
+      believe no girl could be thus treated against her will.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Hi! hi! hi! Ask your servant,&rdquo; said the little laundress, sobbing, &ldquo;and
+      hear what she&rsquo;ll tell you.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The servant affirmed that there were pleasant assaults and unpleasant
+      ones; that if La Portillone had received neither amusement nor money,
+      either one or the other was due to her. This wise counsel threw the judge
+      into a state of great perplexity.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Jacqueline,&rdquo; said he, &ldquo;before I sup I&rsquo;ll get to the bottom of this. Now
+      go and fetch my needle and the red thread that I sew the law paper bags
+      with.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Jacqueline came back with a big needle, pierced with a pretty little hole,
+      and a big red thread, such as the judges use. Then she remained standing
+      to see the question decided, very much disturbed, as was also the
+      complainant at these mysterious preparations.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My dear,&rdquo; said the judge, &ldquo;I am going to hold the bodkin, of which the
+      eye is sufficiently large, to put this thread into it without trouble. If
+      you do put it in, I will take up your case, and will make Monseigneur
+      offer you a compromise.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What&rsquo;s that?&rdquo; said she. &ldquo;I will not allow it.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;It is a word used in justice to signify an agreement.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;A compromise is then agreeable with justice?&rdquo; said La Portillone.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My dear, this violence has also opened your mind. Are you ready?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; said she.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The waggish judge gave the poor nymph fair play, holding the eye steady
+      for her; but when she wished to slip in the thread that she had twisted to
+      make straight, he moved a little, and the thread went on the other side.
+      She suspected the judge&rsquo;s argument, wetted the thread, stretched it, and
+      came back again. The judge moved, twisted about, and wriggled like a
+      bashful maiden; still this cursed thread would not enter. The girl kept
+      trying at the eye, and the judge kept fidgeting. The marriage of the
+      thread could not be consummated, the bodkin remained virgin, and the
+      servant began to laugh, saying to La Portillone that she knew better how
+      to endure than to perform. Then the roguish judge laughed too, and the
+      fair Portillone cried for her golden crowns.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;If you don&rsquo;t keep still,&rdquo; cried she, losing patience; &ldquo;if you keep moving
+      about I shall never be able to put the thread in.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Then, my dear, if you had done the same, Monseigneur would have been
+      unsuccessful too. Think, too, how easy is the one affair, and how
+      difficult the other.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The pretty wench, who declared she had been forced, remained thoughtful,
+      and sought to find a means to convince the judge by showing how she had
+      been compelled to yield, since the honour of all poor girls liable to
+      violence was at stake.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Monseigneur, in order that the bet made the fair, I must do exactly as
+      the young lord did. If I had only had to move I should be moving still,
+      but he went through other performances.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Let us hear them,&rdquo; replied the judge.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then La Portillone straightens the thread, and rubs it in the wax of the
+      candle, to make it firm and straight; then she looked towards the eye of
+      the bodkin, held by the judge, slipping always to the right or to the
+      left. Then she began making endearing little speeches, such as, &ldquo;Ah, the
+      pretty little bodkin! What a pretty mark to aim at! Never did I see such a
+      little jewel! What a pretty little eye! Let me put this little thread into
+      it! Ah, you will hurt my poor thread, my nice little thread! Keep still!
+      Come, my love of a judge, judge of my love! Won&rsquo;t the thread go nicely
+      into this iron gate, which makes good use of the thread, for it comes out
+      very much out of order?&rdquo; Then she burst out laughing, for she was better
+      up in this game than the judge, who laughed too, so saucy and comical and
+      arch was she, pushing the thread backwards and forwards. She kept the poor
+      judge with the case in his hand until seven o&rsquo;clock, keeping on fidgeting
+      and moving about like a schoolboy let loose; but as La Portillone kept on
+      trying to put the thread in, he could not help it. As, however, his joint
+      was burning, and his wrist was tired, he was obliged to rest himself for a
+      minute on the side of the table; then very dexterously the fair maid of
+      Portillon slipped the thread in, saying—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;That&rsquo;s how the thing occurred.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;But my joint was burning.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;So was mine,&rdquo; said she.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The judge, convinced, told La Portillone that he would speak to
+      Monseigneur du Fou, and would himself carry the affair through, since it
+      was certain the young lord had embraced her against her will, but that for
+      valid reasons he would keep the affair dark. On the morrow the judge went
+      to the Court and saw Monseigneur du Fou, to whom he recounted the young
+      woman&rsquo;s complaint, and how she had set forth her case. This complaint
+      lodged in court, tickled the king immensely. Young du Fou having said that
+      there was some truth in it, the king asked if he had had much difficulty,
+      and as he replied, innocently, &ldquo;No,&rdquo; the king declared the girl was quite
+      worth a hundred gold crowns, and the chamberlain gave them to the judge,
+      in order not to be taxed with stinginess, and said the starch would be a
+      good income to La Portillone. The judge came back to La Portillone, and
+      said, smiling, that he had raised a hundred gold crowns for her. But if
+      she desired the balance of the thousand, there were at that moment in the
+      king&rsquo;s apartments certain lords who, knowing the case, had offered to make
+      up the sum for her, with her consent. The little hussy did not refuse this
+      offer, saying, that in order to do no more washing in the future she did
+      not mind doing a little hard work now. She gratefully acknowledged the
+      trouble the good judge had taken, and gained her thousand crowns in a
+      month. From this came the falsehoods and jokes concerning her, because out
+      of these ten lords jealousy made a hundred, whilst, differently from young
+      men, La Portillone settled down to a virtuous life directly she had her
+      thousand crowns. Even a Duke, who would have counted out five hundred
+      crowns, would have found this girl rebellious, which proves she was
+      niggardly with her property. It is true that the king caused her to be
+      sent for to his retreat of Rue Quinquangrogne, on the mall of
+      Chardonneret, found her extremely pretty, exceedingly affectionate,
+      enjoyed her society, and forbade the sergeants to interfere with her in
+      any way whatever. Seeing she was so beautiful, Nicole Beaupertuys, the
+      king&rsquo;s mistress, gave her a hundred gold crowns to go to Orleans, in order
+      to see if the colour of the Loire was the same there as at Portillon. She
+      went there, and the more willingly because she did not care very much for
+      the king. When the good man came who confessed the king in his last hours,
+      and was afterwards canonised, La Portillone went to him to polish up her
+      conscience, did penance, and founded a bed in the leper-house of St.
+      Lazare-aux-Tours. Many ladies whom you know have been assaulted by more
+      than two lords, and have founded no other beds than those in their own
+      houses. It is as well to relate this fact, in order to cleanse the
+      reputation of this honest girl, who herself once washed dirty things, and
+      who afterwards became famous for her clever tricks and her wit. She gave a
+      proof of her merit in marrying Taschereau, who she cuckolded right
+      merrily, as has been related in the story of The Reproach. This proves to
+      us most satisfactorily that with strength and patience justice itself can
+      be violated.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0042" id="link2H_4_0042">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      IN WHICH IT IS DEMONSTRATED THAT FORTUNE IS ALWAYS FEMININE
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      During the time when knights courteously offered to each other both help
+      and assistance in seeking their fortune, it happened that in Sicily—which,
+      as you are probably aware, is an island situated in the corner of the
+      Mediterranean Sea, and formerly celebrated—one knight met in a wood
+      another knight, who had the appearance of a Frenchman. Presumably, this
+      Frenchman was by some chance stripped of everything, and was so wretchedly
+      attired that but for his princely air he might have been taken for a
+      blackguard. It was possible that his horse had died of hunger or fatigue,
+      on disembarking from the foreign shore for which he came, on the faith of
+      the good luck which happened to the French in Sicily, which was true in
+      every respect.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The Sicilian knight, whose name was Pezare, was a Venetian long absent
+      from the Venetian Republic, and with no desire to return there, since he
+      had obtained a footing in the Court of the King of Sicily. Being short of
+      funds in Venice, because he was a younger son, he had no fancy for
+      commerce, and was for that reason eventually abandoned by his family, a
+      most illustrious one. He therefore remained at this Court, where he was
+      much liked by the king.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This gentleman was riding a splendid Spanish horse, and thinking to
+      himself how lonely he was in this strange court, without trusty friends,
+      and how in such cases fortune was harsh to helpless people and became a
+      traitress, when he met the poor French knight, who appeared far worse off
+      that he, who had good weapons, a fine horse, and a mansion where servants
+      were then preparing a sumptuous supper.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You must have come a long way to have so much dust on your feet,&rdquo; said
+      the Venetian.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My feet have not as much dust as the road was long,&rdquo; answered the
+      Frenchman.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;If you have travelled so much,&rdquo; continued the Venetian, &ldquo;you must be a
+      learned man.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I have learned,&rdquo; replied the Frenchman, &ldquo;to give no heed to those who do
+      not trouble about me. I have learnt that however high a man&rsquo;s head was,
+      his feet were always level with my own; more than that, I have learnt to
+      have no confidence in the warm days of winter, in the sleep of my enemies,
+      or the words of my friends.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You are, then, richer than I am,&rdquo; said the Venetian, astonished, &ldquo;since
+      you tell me things of which I never thought.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Everyone must think for himself,&rdquo; said the Frenchman; &ldquo;and as you have
+      interrogated me, I can request from you the kindness of pointing to me the
+      road to Palermo or some inn, for the night is closing in.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Are you then, acquainted with no French or Sicilian gentlemen at
+      Palermo?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Then you are not certain of being received?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I am disposed to forgive those who reject me. The road, sir, if you
+      please.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I am lost like yourself,&rdquo; said the Venetian. &ldquo;Let us look for it in
+      company.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;To do that we must go together; but you are on horseback, I am on foot.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The Venetian took the French knight on his saddle behind him, and said—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Do you know with whom you are?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;With a man, apparently.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Do you think you are in safety?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;If you were a robber, you would have to take care of yourself,&rdquo; said the
+      Frenchman, putting the point of his dagger to the Venetian&rsquo;s heart.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well, now, my noble Frenchman, you appear to be a man of great learning
+      and sound sense; know that I am a noble, established at the Court of
+      Sicily, but alone, and I seek a friend. You seem to be in the same plight,
+      and, judging from appearances, you do not seem friendly with your lot, and
+      have apparently need of everybody.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Should I be happier if everybody wanted me?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You are a devil, who turns every one of my words against me. By St. Mark!
+      my lord knight, can one trust you?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;More than yourself, who commenced our federal friendship by deceiving me,
+      since you guide your horse like a man who knows his way, and you said you
+      were lost.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And did not you deceive me?&rdquo; said the Venetian, &ldquo;by making a sage of your
+      years walk, and giving a noble knight the appearance of a vagabond? Here
+      is my abode; my servants have prepared supper for us.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The Frenchman jumped off the horse, and entered the house with the
+      Venetian cavalier, accepting his supper. They both seated themselves at
+      the table. The Frenchman fought so well with his jaws, he twisted the
+      morsels with so much agility, that he showed herself equally learned in
+      suppers, and showed it again in dexterously draining the wine flasks
+      without his eye becoming dimmed or his understanding affected. Then you
+      may be sure that the Venetian thought to himself he had fallen in with a
+      fine son of Adam, sprung from the right side and the wrong one. While they
+      were drinking together, the Venetian endeavoured to find some joint
+      through which to sound the secret depths of his friend&rsquo;s cogitations. He,
+      however, clearly perceived that he would cast aside his shirt sooner than
+      his prudence, and judged it opportune to gain his esteem by opening his
+      doublet to him. Therefore he told him in what state was Sicily, where
+      reigned Prince Leufroid and his gentle wife; how gallant was the Court,
+      what courtesy there flourished, that there abounded many lords of Spain,
+      Italy, France, and other countries, lords in high feather and well
+      feathered; many princesses, as rich as noble, and as noble as rich; that
+      this prince had the loftiest aspirations—such as to conquer Morocco,
+      Constantinople, Jerusalem, the lands of Soudan, and other African places.
+      Certain men of vast minds conducted his affairs, bringing together the ban
+      and arriere ban of the flower of Christian chivalry, and kept up his
+      splendour with the idea of causing to reign over the Mediterranean this
+      Sicily, so opulent in times gone by, and of ruining Venice, which had not
+      a foot of land. These designs had been planted in the king&rsquo;s mind by him,
+      Pezare; but although he was high in that prince&rsquo;s favour, he felt himself
+      weak, had no assistance from the courtiers, and desired to make a friend.
+      In this great trouble he had gone for a little ride to turn matters over
+      in his mind, and decide upon the course to pursue. Now, since while in
+      this idea he had met a man of so much sense as the chevalier had proved
+      herself to be, he proposed to fraternise with him, to open his purse to
+      him, and give him his palace to live in. They would journey in company
+      through life in search of honours and pleasure, without concealing one
+      single thought, and would assist each other on all occasions as the
+      brothers-in-arms did at the Crusades. Now, as the Frenchman was seeking
+      his fortune, and required assistance, the Venetian did not for a moment
+      expect that this offer of mutual consolation would be refused.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Although I stand in need of no assistance,&rdquo; said the Frenchman, &ldquo;because
+      I rely upon a point which will procure me all that I desire, I should like
+      to acknowledge your courtesy, dear Chevalier Pezare. You will soon see
+      that you will yet be the debtor of Gauttier de Monsoreau, a gentleman of
+      the fair land of Touraine.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Do you possess any relic with which your fortune is wound up?&rdquo; said the
+      Venetian.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;A talisman given me by my dear mother,&rdquo; said the Touranian, &ldquo;with which
+      castles and cities are built and demolished, a hammer to coin money, a
+      remedy for every ill, a traveller&rsquo;s staff always ready to be tried, and
+      worth most when in a state of readiness, a master tool, which executes
+      wondrous works in all sorts of forges, without making the slightest
+      noise.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Eh! by St. Mark you have, then, a mystery concealed in your hauberk?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No,&rdquo; said the French knight; &ldquo;it is a perfectly natural thing. Here it
+      is.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And rising suddenly from the table to prepare for bed, Gauttier showed to
+      the Venetian the finest talisman to procure joy that he had ever seen.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;This,&rdquo; said the Frenchman, as they both got into bed together, according
+      to the custom of the times, &ldquo;overcomes every obstacle, by making itself
+      master of female hearts; and as the ladies are the queens in this court,
+      your friend Gauttier will soon reign there.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The Venetian remained in great astonishment at the sight of the secret
+      charms of the said Gauttier, who had indeed been bounteously endowed by
+      his mother, and perhaps also by his father; and would thus triumph over
+      everything, since he joined to this corporeal perfection the wit of a
+      young page, and the wisdom of an old devil. Then they swore an eternal
+      friendship, regarding as nothing therein a woman&rsquo;s heart, vowing to have
+      one and the same idea, as if their heads had been in the same helmet; and
+      they fell asleep on the same pillow enchanted with this fraternity. This
+      was a common occurrence in those days.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      On the morrow the Venetian gave a fine horse to his friend Gauttier, also
+      a purse full of money, fine silken hose, a velvet doublet, fringed with
+      gold, and an embroidered mantle, which garments set off his figure so
+      well, and showed up his beauties, that the Venetian was certain he would
+      captivate all the ladies. The servants received orders to obey this
+      Gauttier as they would himself, so that they fancied their master had been
+      fishing, and had caught this Frenchman. Then the two friends made their
+      entry into Palermo at the hour when the princes and princesses were taking
+      the air. Pezare presented his French friend, speaking so highly of his
+      merits, and obtaining such a gracious reception for him, that Leufroid
+      kept him to supper. The knight kept a sharp eye on the Court, and noticed
+      therein various curious little secret practices. If the king was a brave
+      and handsome prince, the princess was a Spanish lady of high temperature,
+      the most beautiful and most noble woman of his Court, but inclined to
+      melancholy. Looking at her, the Touranian believed that she was sparingly
+      embraced by the king, for the law of Touraine is that joy in the face
+      comes from joy elsewhere. Pezare pointed out to his friend Gauttier
+      several ladies to whom Leufroid was exceedingly gracious and who were
+      exceedingly jealous and fought for him in a tournament of gallantries and
+      wonderful female inventions. From all this Gauttier concluded that the
+      prince went considerably astray with his court, although he had the
+      prettiest wife in the world, and occupied himself with taxing the ladies
+      of Sicily, in order that he might put his horse in their stables, vary his
+      fodder, and learn the equestrian capabilities of many lands. Perceiving
+      what a life Leufroid was leading, the Sire de Monsoreau, certain that no
+      one in the Court had had the heart to enlighten the queen, determined at
+      one blow to plant his halberd in the field of the fair Spaniard by a
+      master stroke; and this is how. At supper-time, in order to show courtesy
+      to the foreign knight, the king took care to place him near the queen, to
+      whom the gallant Gauttier offered his arm, to take her into the room, and
+      conducted her there hastily, to get ahead of those who were following, in
+      order to whisper, first of all, a word concerning a subject which always
+      pleases the ladies in whatever condition they may be. Imagine what this
+      word was, and how it went straight through the stubble and weeds into the
+      warm thicket of love.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I know, your majesty, what causes your paleness of face.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What?&rdquo; said she.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You are so loving that the king loves you night and day; thus you abuse
+      your advantage, for he will die of love.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What should I do to keep him alive?&rdquo; said the queen.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Forbid him to repeat at your altar more than three prayers a day.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You are joking, after the French fashion, Sir Knight, seeing that the
+      king&rsquo;s devotion to me does not extend beyond a short prayer a week.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You are deceived,&rdquo; said Gauttier, seating himself at the table. &ldquo;I can
+      prove to you that love should go through the whole mass, matins, and
+      vespers, with an <i>Ave</i> now and then, for queens as for simple women,
+      and go through the ceremony every day, like the monks in their monastery,
+      with fervour; but for you these litanies should never finish.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The queen cast upon the knight a glance which was far from one of
+      displeasure, smiled at him, and shook her head.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;In this,&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;men are great liars.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I have with me a great truth which I will show you when you wish it.&rdquo;
+       replied the knight. &ldquo;I undertake to give you queen&rsquo;s fare, and put you on
+      the high road to joy; by this means you will make up for lost time, the
+      more so as the king is ruined through other women, while I shall reserve
+      my advantage for your service.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And if the king learns of our arrangement, he will put your head on a
+      level with your feet.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Even if this misfortune befell me it after the first night, I should
+      believe I had lived a hundred years, from the joy therein received, for
+      never have I seen, after visiting all Courts, a princess fit to hold a
+      candle to your beauty. To be brief, if I die not by the sword, you will
+      still be the cause of my death, for I am resolved to spend my life in your
+      love, if life will depart in the place whence it comes.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Now this queen had never heard such words before, and preferred them to
+      the most sweetly sung mass; her pleasure showed itself in her face, which
+      became purple, for these words made her blood boil within her veins, so
+      that the strings of her lute were moved thereat, and struck a sweet note
+      that rang melodiously in her ears, for this lute fills with its music the
+      brain and the body of the ladies, by a sweet artifice of their resonant
+      nature. What a shame to be young, beautiful, Spanish, and queen, and yet
+      neglected. She conceived an intense disdain for those of her Court who had
+      kept their lips closed concerning this infidelity, through fear of the
+      king, and determined to revenge herself with the aid of this handsome
+      Frenchman, who cared so little for life that in his first words he had
+      staked it in making a proposition to a queen, which was worthy of death,
+      if she did her duty. Instead of this, however, she pressed his foot with
+      her own, in a manner that admitted no misconception, and said aloud to him—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Sir Knight, let us change the subject, for it is very wrong of you to
+      attack a poor queen in her weak spot. Tell us the customs of the ladies of
+      the Court of France.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Thus did the knight receive the delicate hint that the business was
+      arranged. Then he commenced to talk of merry and pleasant things, which
+      during supper kept the court, the king, the queen, and all the courtiers
+      in a good humour; so much so that when the siege was raised, Leufroid
+      declared that he had never laughed so much in his life. Then they strolled
+      about the gardens, which were the most beautiful in the world, and the
+      queen made a pretext of the chevalier&rsquo;s sayings to walk beneath a grove of
+      blossoming orange trees, which yielded a delicious fragrance.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Lovely and noble queen,&rdquo; said Gauttier, immediately, &ldquo;I have seen in all
+      countries the perdition of love have its birth in these first attentions,
+      which we call courtesy; if you have confidence in me, let us agree, as
+      people of high intelligence, to love each other without standing on so
+      much ceremony; by this means no suspicion will be aroused, our happiness
+      will be less dangerous and more lasting. In this fashion should queens
+      conduct their amours, if they would avoid interference.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well said,&rdquo; said she. &ldquo;But as I am new at this business, I did not know
+      what arrangements to make.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Have you are among your women one in whom you have perfect confidence?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; said she; &ldquo;I have a maid who came from Spain with me, who would put
+      herself on a gridiron for me like St. Lawrence did for God, but she is
+      always poorly.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;That&rsquo;s good,&rdquo; said her companion, &ldquo;because you go to see her.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes,&rdquo; said the queen, &ldquo;and sometimes at night.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah!&rdquo; exclaimed Gauttier, &ldquo;I make a vow to St. Rosalie, patroness of
+      Sicily, to build her a gold altar for this fortune.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;O Jesus!&rdquo; cried the queen. &ldquo;I am doubly blessed in having a lover so
+      handsome and yet so religious.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah, my dear, I have two sweethearts today, because I have a queen to love
+      in heaven above, and another one here below, and luckily these loves
+      cannot clash one with the other.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      This sweet speech so affected the queen, that for nothing she would have
+      fled with this cunning Frenchman.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The Virgin Mary is very powerful in heaven,&rdquo; said the queen. &ldquo;Love grant
+      that I may be like her!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Bah! they are talking of the Virgin Mary,&rdquo; said the king, who by chance
+      had come to watch them, disturbed by a gleam of jealousy, cast into his
+      heart by a Sicilian courtier, who was furious at the sudden favour which
+      the Frenchman had obtained.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The queen and the chevalier laid their plans, and everything was secretly
+      arranged to furnish the helmet of the king with two invisible ornaments.
+      The knight rejoined the Court, made himself agreeable to everyone, and
+      returned to the Palace of Pezare, whom he told that their fortunes were
+      made, because on the morrow, at night, he would sleep with the queen. This
+      swift success astonished the Venetian, who, like a good friend, went in
+      search of fine perfumes, linen of Brabant, and precious garments, to which
+      queens are accustomed, with all of which he loaded his friend Gauttier, in
+      order that the case might be worthy the jewel.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah, my friend,&rdquo; said he &ldquo;are you sure not to falter, but to go vigorously
+      to work, to serve the queen bravely, and give her such joys in her castle
+      of Gallardin that she may hold on for ever to this master staff, like a
+      drowning sailor to a plank?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;As for that, fear nothing, dear Pezare, because I have the arrears of the
+      journey, and I will deal with her as with a simple servant, instructing
+      her in the ways of the ladies of Touraine, who understand love better than
+      all others, because they make it, remake it, and unmake it to make it
+      again and having remade it, still keep on making it; and having nothing
+      else to do, have to do that which always wants doing. Now let us settle
+      our plans. This is how we shall obtain the government of the island. I
+      shall hold the queen and you the king; we will play the comedy of being
+      great enemies before the eyes of the courtiers, in order to divide them
+      into two parties under our command, and yet, unknown to all, we will
+      remain friends. By this means we shall know their plots, and will thwart
+      them, you by listening to my enemies and I to yours. In the course of a
+      few days we will pretend to quarrel in order to strive one against the
+      other. This quarrel will be caused by the favour in which I will manage to
+      place you with the king, through the channel of the queen, and he will
+      give you supreme power, to my injury.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      On the morrow Gauttier went to the house of the Spanish lady, who before
+      the courtiers he recognised as having known in Spain, and he remained
+      there seven whole days. As you can imagine, the Touranian treated the
+      queen as a fondly loved woman, and showed her so many terra incognita in
+      love, French fashions, little tendernesses, etc., that she nearly lost her
+      reason through it, and swore that the French were the only people who
+      thoroughly understood love. You see how the king was punished, who, to
+      keep her virtuous, had allowed weeds to grow in the grange of love. Their
+      supernatural festivities touched the queen so strongly that she made a vow
+      of eternal love to Montsoreau, who had awakened her, by revealing to her
+      the joys of the proceeding. It was arranged that the Spanish lady should
+      take care always to be ill; and that the only man to whom the lovers would
+      confide their secret should be the court physician, who was much attached
+      to the queen. By chance this physician had in his glottis, chords exactly
+      similar to those of Gauttier, so that by a freak of nature they had the
+      same voice, which much astonished the queen. The physician swore on his
+      life faithfully to serve the pretty couple, for he deplored the sad
+      desertion of this beautiful women, and was delighted to know she would be
+      served as a queen should be—a rare thing.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      A month elapsed and everything was going on to the satisfaction of the two
+      friends, who worked the plans laid by the queen, in order to get the
+      government of Sicily into the hands of Pezare, to the detriment of
+      Montsoreau, whom the king loved for his great wisdom; but the queen would
+      not consent to have him, because he was so ungallant. Leufroid dismissed
+      the Duke of Cataneo, his principal follower, and put the Chevalier Pezare
+      in his place. The Venetian took no notice of his friend the Frenchmen.
+      Then Gauttier burst out, declaimed loudly against the treachery and abused
+      friendship of his former comrade, and instantly earned the devotion of
+      Cataneo and his friends, with whom he made a compact to overthrow Pezare.
+      Directly he was in office the Venetian, who was a shrewd man, and well
+      suited to govern states, which was the usual employment of Venetian
+      gentlemen, worked wonders in Sicily, repaired the ports, brought merchants
+      there by the fertility of his inventions and by granting them facilities,
+      put bread into the mouths of hundreds of poor people, drew thither
+      artisans of all trades, because fetes were always being held, and also the
+      idle and rich from all quarters, even from the East. Thus harvests, the
+      products of the earth, and other commodities, were plentiful; and galleys
+      came from Asia, the which made the king much envied, and the happiest king
+      in the Christian world, because through these things his Court was the
+      most renowned in the countries of Europe. This fine political aspect was
+      the result of the perfect agreement of the two men who thoroughly
+      understood each other. The one looked after the pleasures, and was himself
+      the delight of the queen, whose face was always bright and gay, because
+      she was served according to the method of Touraine, and became animated
+      through excessive happiness; and he also took care to keep the king
+      amused, finding him every day new mistresses, and casting him into a whirl
+      of dissipation. The king was much astonished at the good temper of the
+      queen, whom, since the arrival of the Sire de Montsoreau in the island, he
+      had touched no more than a Jew touches bacon. Thus occupied, the king and
+      queen abandoned the care of their kingdom to the other friend, who
+      conducted the affairs of government, ruled the establishment, managed the
+      finances, and looked to the army, and all exceedingly well, knowing where
+      money was to be made, enriching the treasury, and preparing all the great
+      enterprises above mentioned.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The state of things lasted three years, some say four, but the monks of
+      Saint Benoist have not wormed out the date, which remains obscure, like
+      the reasons for the quarrel between the two friends. Probably the Venetian
+      had the high ambition to reign without any control or dispute, and forgot
+      the services which the Frenchman had rendered him. Thus do the men who
+      live in Courts behave, for, according to the statements of the Messire
+      Aristotle in his works, that which ages the most rapidly in this world is
+      a kindness, although extinguished love is sometimes very rancid. Now,
+      relying on the perfect friendship of Leufroid, who called him his crony,
+      and would have done anything for him, the Venetian conceived the idea of
+      getting rid of his friend by revealing to the king the mystery of his
+      cuckoldom, and showing him the source of the queen&rsquo;s happiness, not
+      doubting for a moment but that he would commence by depriving Monsoreau of
+      his head, according to a practice common in Sicily under similar
+      circumstances. By this means Pezare would have all the money that he and
+      Gauttier had noiselessly conveyed to the house of a Lombard of Genoa,
+      which money was their joint property on account of their fraternity. This
+      treasure, increased on one side by the magnificent presents made to
+      Montsoreau by the queen, who had vast estates in Spain, and other, by
+      inheritance in Italy; on the other, by the king&rsquo;s gifts to his prime
+      minister, to whom he also gave certain rights over the merchants, and
+      other indulgences. The treacherous friend, having determined to break his
+      vow, took care to conceal his intention from Gauttier, because the
+      Touranian was an awkward man to tackle.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      One night that Pezare knew that the queen was in bed with her lover, who
+      loved him as though each night were a wedding one, so skilful was she at
+      the business, the traitor promised the king to let him take evidence in
+      the case, through a hole he had made in the wardrobe of the Spanish lady,
+      who always pretended to be at death&rsquo;s door. In order to obtain a better
+      view, Pezare waited until the sun had risen. The Spanish lady, who was
+      fleet of foot, had a quick eye and a sharp ear, heard footsteps, peeped
+      out, and perceiving the king, followed by the Venetian, through a crossbar
+      in the closet in which she slept the night that the queen had her lover
+      between two sheets, which is certainly the best way to have a lover. She
+      ran to warn the couple of this betrayal. But the king&rsquo;s eye was already at
+      the cursed hole, Leufroid saw—what?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      That beautiful and divine lantern with burns so much oil and lights the
+      world—a lantern adorned with the most lovely baubles, flaming,
+      brilliantly, which he thought more lovely than all the others, because he
+      had lost sight of it for so long a time that it appeared quite new to him;
+      but the size of the hole prevented him seeing anything else except the
+      hand of a man, which modestly covered the lantern, and he heard the voice
+      of Montsoreau saying—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;How&rsquo;s the little treasure, this morning?&rdquo; A playful expression, which
+      lovers used jokingly, because this lantern is in all countries the sun of
+      love, and for this the prettiest possible names are bestowed upon it,
+      whilst comparing it to the loveliest things in nature, such as my
+      pomegranate, my rose, my little shell, my hedgehog, my gulf of love, my
+      treasure, my master, my little one; some even dared most heretically to
+      say, my god! If you don&rsquo;t believe it, ask your friends.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      At this moment the lady let him understand by a gesture that the king was
+      there.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Can he hear?&rdquo; said the queen.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Can he see?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Who brought him?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Pezare.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Fetch the physician, and get Gauttier into his own room.&rdquo; said the queen.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In less time than it takes a beggar to say &ldquo;God bless you, sir!&rdquo; the queen
+      had swathed the lantern in linen and paint, so that you would have thought
+      it a hideous wound in a state of grievous inflammation. When the king,
+      enraged by what he overheard, burst open the door, he found the queen
+      lying on the bed exactly as he has seen her through the hole, and the
+      physician, examining the lantern swathed in bandages, and saying, &ldquo;How it
+      is the little treasure, this morning?&rdquo; in exactly the same voice as the
+      king had heard. A jocular and cheerful expression, because physicians and
+      surgeons use cheerful words with ladies and treat this sweet flower with
+      flowery phrases. This sight made the king look as foolish as a fox caught
+      in a trap. The queen sprang up, reddening with shame, and asking what man
+      dared to intrude upon her privacy at such a moment, but perceiving the
+      king, she said to him as follows:—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah! my lord, you have discovered that which I have endeavoured to conceal
+      from you: that I am so badly treated by you that I am afflicted with a
+      burning ailment, of which my dignity would not allow me to complain, but
+      which needs secret dressing in order to assuage the influence of the vital
+      forces. To save my honour and your own, I am compelled to come to my good
+      Lady Miraflor, who consoles me in my troubles.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then the physician commenced to treat Leufroid to an oration, interlarded
+      with Latin quotations and precious grains from Hippocrates, Galen, the
+      School of Salerno, and others, in which he showed him how necessary to
+      women was the proper cultivation of the field of Venus, and that there was
+      great danger of death to queens of Spanish temperament, whose blood was
+      excessively amorous. He delivered himself of his arguments with great
+      solemnity of feature, voice, and manner, in order to give the Sire de
+      Montsoreau time to get to bed. Then the queen took the same text to preach
+      the king a sermon as long as his arm, and requested the loan of that limb,
+      that the king might conduct her to her apartment instead of the poor
+      invalid, who usually did so in order to avoid calumny. When they were in
+      the gallery where the Sire de Montsoreau resided, the queen said jokingly,
+      &ldquo;You should play a good trick on this Frenchman, who I would wager is with
+      some lady, and not in his own room. All the ladies of Court are in love
+      with him, and there will be mischief some day through him. If you had
+      taken my advice he would not be in Sicily now.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Leufroid went suddenly into Gauttier&rsquo;s room, whom he found in a deep
+      sleep, and snoring like a monk in Church. The queen returned with the
+      king, whom she took to her apartments, and whispered to one of the guards
+      to send to her the lord whose place Pezare occupied. Then, while she
+      fondled the king, taking breakfast with him, she took the lord directly he
+      came, into an adjoining room.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Erect a gallows on the bastion,&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;then seize the knight Pezare,
+      and manage so that he is hanged instantly, without giving time to write or
+      say a single word on any subject whatsoever. Such is our good pleasure and
+      supreme command.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Cataneo made no remark. While Pezare was thinking to himself that his
+      friend Gauttier would soon be minus his head, the Duke Cataneo came to
+      seize and lead him on to bastion, from which he could see at the queen&rsquo;s
+      window the Sire de Montsoreau in company with the king, the queen, and the
+      courtiers, and came to the conclusion that he who looked after the queen
+      had a better chance in everything than he who looked after the king.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My dear,&rdquo; said the queen to her spouse, leading him to the window,
+      &ldquo;behold a traitor, who was endeavouring to deprive you of that which you
+      hold dearest in the world, and I will give you the proofs when you have
+      the leisure to study them.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Montsoreau, seeing the preparations for the final ceremony, threw himself
+      at the king&rsquo;s feet, to obtain the pardon of him who was his mortal enemy,
+      at which the king was much moved.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Sire de Monsoreau,&rdquo; said the queen, turning towards him with an angry
+      look, &ldquo;are you so bold as to oppose our will and pleasure?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You are a noble knight,&rdquo; said the king, &ldquo;but you do not know how bitter
+      this Venetian was against you.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Pezare was delicately strangled between the head and the shoulders, for
+      the queen revealed his treacheries to the king, proving to him, by the
+      declaration of a Lombard of the town, the enormous sums which Pezare had
+      in the bank of Genoa, the whole of which were given up to Montsoreau.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This noble and lovely queen died, as related in the history of Sicily,
+      that is, in consequence of a heavy labour, during which she gave birth to
+      a son, who was a man as great in himself as he was unfortunate in his
+      undertakings. The king believed the physician&rsquo;s statement, that the said
+      termination to this accouchement was caused by the too chaste life the
+      queen had led, and believing himself responsible for it, he founded the
+      Church of the Madonna, which is one of the finest in the town of Palermo.
+      The Sire de Monsoreau, who was a witness of the king&rsquo;s remorse, told him
+      that when a king got his wife from Spain, he ought to know that this queen
+      would require more attention than any other, because the Spanish ladies
+      were so lively that they equalled ten ordinary women, and that if he
+      wished a wife for show only, he should get her from the north of Germany,
+      where the women are as cold as ice. The good knight came back to Touraine
+      laden with wealth, and lived there many years, but never mentioned his
+      adventures in Sicily. He returned there to aid the king&rsquo;s son in his
+      principal attempt against Naples, and left Italy when this sweet prince
+      was wounded, as is related in the Chronicle.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Besides the high moralities contained in the title of this tale, where it
+      is said that fortune, being female, is always on the side of the ladies,
+      and that men are quite right to serve them well, it shows us that silence
+      is the better part of wisdom. Nevertheless, the monkish author of this
+      narrative seems to draw this other no less learned moral therefrom, that
+      interest which makes so many friendships, breaks them also. But from these
+      three versions you can choose the one that best accords with your judgment
+      and your momentary requirement.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0043" id="link2H_4_0043">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      CONCERNING A POOR MAN WHO WAS CALLED LE VIEUX PAR-CHEMINS
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      The old chronicler who furnished the hemp to weave the present story, is
+      said to have lived at the time when the affair occurred in the City of
+      Rouen.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In the environs of this fair town, where at the time dwelt Duke Richard,
+      an old man used to beg, whose name was Tryballot, but to whom was given
+      the nickname of Le Vieux par-Chemins, or the Old Man of the Roads; not
+      because he was yellow and dry as vellum, but because he was always in the
+      high-ways and by-ways—up hill and down dale—slept with the sky
+      for his counterpane, and went about in rags and tatters. Notwithstanding
+      this, he was very popular in the duchy, where everyone had grown used to
+      him, so much so that if the month went by without anyone seeing his cup
+      held towards them, people would say, &ldquo;Where is the old man?&rdquo; and the usual
+      answer was, &ldquo;On the roads.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      This said man had had for a father a Tryballot, who was in his lifetime a
+      skilled artisan, so economical and careful, that he left considerable
+      wealth to his son.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But the young lad soon frittered it away, for he was the very opposite of
+      the old fellow, who, returning from the fields to his house, picked up,
+      now here, now there, many a little stick of wood left right and left,
+      saying, conscientiously, that one should never come home empty handed.
+      Thus he warmed himself in the winter at the expense of the careless; and
+      he did well. Everyone recognised what a good example this was for the
+      country, since a year before his death no one left a morsel of wood on the
+      road; he had compelled the most dissipated to be thrifty and orderly. But
+      his son made ducks and drakes of everything, and did not follow his wise
+      example. The father had predicted the thing. From the boy&rsquo;s earliest
+      youth, when the good Tryballot set him to watch the birds who came to eat
+      the peas, beans, and the grain, and to drive the thieves away, above all,
+      the jays, who spoiled everything, he would study their habits, and took
+      delight in watching with what grace they came and went, flew off loaded,
+      and returned, watching with a quick eye the snares and nets; and he would
+      laugh heartily at their cleverness in avoiding them. Tryballot senior went
+      into a passion when he found his grain considerably less in a measure. But
+      although he pulled his son&rsquo;s ears whenever he caught him idling and
+      trifling under a nut tree, the little rascal did not alter his conduct,
+      but continued to study the habits of the blackbirds, sparrows, and other
+      intelligent marauders. One day his father told him that he would be wise
+      to model himself after them, for that if he continued this kind of life,
+      he would be compelled in his old age like them, to pilfer, and like them,
+      would be pursued by justice. This came true; for, as has before been
+      stated, he dissipated in a few days the crowns which his careful father
+      had acquired in a life-time. He dealt with men as he did with the
+      sparrows, letting everyone put a hand in his pocket, and contemplating the
+      grace and polite demeanour of those who assisted to empty it. The end of
+      his wealth was thus soon reached. When the devil had the empty money bag
+      to himself, Tryballot did not appear at all cut up, saying, that he &ldquo;did
+      not wish to damn himself for this world&rsquo;s goods, and that he had studied
+      philosophy in the school of the birds.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      After having thoroughly enjoyed himself, of all his goods, there only
+      remained to him a goblet bought at Landict, and three dice, quite
+      sufficient furniture for drinking and gambling, so that he went about
+      without being encumbered, as are the great, with chariots, carpets,
+      dripping pans, and an infinite number of varlets. Tryballot wished to see
+      his good friends, but they no longer knew him, which fact gave him leave
+      no longer to recognise anyone. Seeing this, he determined to choose a
+      profession in which there was nothing to do and plenty to gain. Thinking
+      this over, he remembered the indulgences of the blackbirds and the
+      sparrows. Then the good Tryballot selected for his profession that of
+      begging money at people&rsquo;s houses, and pilfering. From the first day,
+      charitable people gave him something, and Tryballot was content, finding
+      the business good, without advance money or bad debts; on the contrary,
+      full of accommodation. He went about it so heartily, that he was liked
+      everywhere, and received a thousand consolations refused to rich people.
+      The good man watched the peasants planting, sowing, reaping, and making
+      harvest, and said to himself, that they worked a little for him as well.
+      He who had a pig in his larder owed him a bit for it, without suspecting
+      it. The man who baked a loaf in his oven often baked it for Tryballot
+      without knowing it. He took nothing by force; on the contrary, people said
+      to him kindly, while making him a present, &ldquo;Here Vieux par-Chemins, cheer
+      up, old fellow. How are you? Come, take this; the cat began it, you can
+      finish it.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Vieux par-Chemins was at all the weddings, baptisms, and funerals, because
+      he went everywhere where there was, openly or secretly, merriment and
+      feasting. He religiously kept the statutes and canons of his order—namely,
+      to do nothing, because if he had been able to do the smallest amount of
+      work no one would ever give anything again. After having refreshed
+      himself, this wise man would lay full length in a ditch, or against a
+      church wall, and think over public affairs; and then he would
+      philosophise, like his pretty tutors, the blackbirds, jays, and sparrows,
+      and thought a great deal while mumping; for, because his apparel was poor,
+      was that a reason his understanding should not be rich? His philosophy
+      amused his clients, to whom he would repeat, by way of thanks, the finest
+      aphorisms of his science. According to him, suppers produced gout in the
+      rich: he boasted that he had nimble feet, because his shoemaker gave him
+      boots that do not pinch his corns. There were aching heads beneath
+      diadems, but his never ached, because it was touched neither by luxury nor
+      any other chaplet. And again, that jewelled rings hinder the circulation
+      of the blood. Although he covered himself with sores, after the manner of
+      cadgers, you may be sure he was as sound as a child at the baptismal font.
+    </p>
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/505s.jpg" alt="505s " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h4>
+      <a href="images/505.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a
+      href="images/505m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a>
+    </h4>
+    <p>
+      The good man disported himself with other rogues, playing with his three
+      dice, which he kept to remind him to spend his coppers, in order that he
+      might always be poor. In spite of his vow, he was, like all the order of
+      mendicants, so wealthy that one day at the Paschal feast, another beggar
+      wishing to rent his profit from him, Vieux par-Chemins refused ten crowns
+      for it; in fact, the same evening he spent fourteen crowns in drinking the
+      health of the alms-givers, because it is the statutes of beggary that one
+      should show one&rsquo;s gratitude to donors. Although he carefully got rid of
+      that of which had been a source of anxiety to others, who, having too much
+      wealth went in search of poverty, he was happier with nothing in the world
+      than when he had his father&rsquo;s money. And seeing what are the conditions of
+      nobility, he was always on the high road to it, because he did nothing
+      except according to his fancy, and lived nobly without labour. Thirty
+      crowns would not have got him out of a bed when he was in it. The morrow
+      always dawned for him as it did for others, while leading this happy life;
+      which, according to the statements of Plato, whose authority has more than
+      once been invoked in these narratives, certain ancient sages had led
+      before him. At last, Vieux par-Chemins reached the age of eighty-two
+      years, having never been a single day without picking up money, and
+      possessed the healthiest colour and complexion imaginable. He believed
+      that if he had persevered in the race for wealth he would have been
+      spoiled and buried years before. It is possible he was right.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In his early youth Vieux par-Chemins had the illustrious virtue of being
+      very partial to the ladies; and his abundance of love was, it is said, the
+      result of his studies among the sparrows. Thus it was that he was always
+      ready to give the ladies his assistance in counting the joists, and this
+      generosity finds its physical cause in the fact that, having nothing to
+      do, he was always ready to do something. His secret virtues brought about,
+      it is said, that popularity which he enjoyed in the provinces. Certain
+      people say that the lady of Chaumont had him in her castle, to learn the
+      truth about these qualities, and kept him there for a week, to prevent him
+      begging. But the good man jumped over the hedges and fled in great terror
+      of being rich. Advancing in age, this great quintessencer found himself
+      disdained, although his notable faculties of loving were in no way
+      impaired. This unjust turning away on the part of the female tribe caused
+      the first trouble of Vieux par-Chemins, and the celebrated trial of Rouen,
+      to which it is time I came.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In this eighty-second year of his age he was compelled to remain continent
+      for about seven months, during which time he met no woman kindly disposed
+      towards him; and he declared before the judge that that had caused the
+      greatest astonishment of his long and honourable life. In this most
+      pitiable state he saw in the fields during the merry month of May a girl,
+      who by chance was a maiden, and minding cows. The heat was so excessive
+      that this cowherdess had stretched herself beneath the shadow of a beech
+      tree, her face to the ground, after the custom of people who labour in the
+      fields, in order to get a little nap while her animals were grazing. She
+      was awakened by the deed of the old man, who had stolen from her that
+      which a poor girl could only lose once. Finding herself ruined without
+      receiving from the process either knowledge or pleasure, she cried out so
+      loudly that the people working in the fields ran to her, and were called
+      upon by her as witnesses, at the time when that destruction was visible in
+      her which is appropriate only to a bridal night. She cried and groaned,
+      saying that the old ape might just as well have played his tricks on her
+      mother, who would have said nothing.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He made answer to the peasants, who had already raised their hoes to kill
+      him, that he had been compelled to enjoy himself. These people objected
+      that a man can enjoy himself very well without enjoying a maiden—a
+      case for the provost, which would bring him straight to the gallows; and
+      he was taken with great clamour to the jail of Rouen.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The girl, interrogated by the provost, declared that she was sleeping in
+      order to do something, and that she thought she was dreaming of her lover,
+      with whom she was then at loggerheads, because before marriage he wished
+      to take certain liberties: and jokingly, in this dream she let him
+      reconnoiter to a certain extent, in order to avoid any dispute afterwards,
+      and that in spite of her prohibitions he went further than she had given
+      him leave to go, and finding more pain than pleasure in the affair, she
+      had been awakened by Vieux par-Chemins, who had attacked her as a
+      gray-friar would a ham at the end of lent.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This trial caused so great a commotion in the town of Rouen that the
+      provost was sent for by the duke, who had an intense desire to know if the
+      thing were true. Upon the affirmation of the provost, he ordered Vieux
+      par-Chemins to be brought to his palace, in order that he might hear what
+      defence he had to make. The poor old fellow appeared before the prince,
+      and informed him naively of the misfortune which his impulsive nature
+      brought upon him, declaring that he was like a young fellow impelled by
+      imperious desires; that up to the present year he had sweethearts of his
+      own, but for the last eight months he had been a total abstainer; that he
+      was too poor to find favour with the girls of the town; that honest women
+      who once were charitable to him, had taken a dislike to his hair, which
+      had feloniously turned white in spite of the green youth of his love, and
+      that he felt compelled to avail himself of the chance when he saw this
+      maiden, who, stretched at full length under the beech tree, left visible
+      the lining of her dress and two hemispheres, white as snow, which had
+      deprived him of reason; that the fault was the girl&rsquo;s and not his, because
+      young maidens should be forbidden to entice passers-by by showing them
+      that which caused Venus to be named Callipyge; finally the prince ought to
+      be aware what trouble a man had to control himself at the hour of noon,
+      because that was the time of day at which King David was smitten with the
+      wife of the Sieur Uriah, that where a Hebrew king, beloved of God, had
+      succumbed, a poor man, deprived of all joy, and reduced to begging for his
+      bread, could not expect to escape; that for that matter of that, he was
+      quite willing to sing psalms for the remainder of his days, and play upon
+      a lute by way of penance, in imitation of the said king, who had had the
+      misfortune to slay a husband, while he had only done a trifling injury to
+      a peasant girl. The duke listened to the arguments of Vieux par-Chemins,
+      and said that he was a man of good parts. Then he made his memorable
+      decree, that if, as this beggar declared, he had need of such
+      gratification at his age he gave permission to prove it at the foot of the
+      ladder which he would have to mount to be hanged, according to the
+      sentence already passed on him by the provost; that if then, the rope
+      being round his neck, between the priest and the hangman, a like desire
+      seized him he should have a free pardon.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This decree becoming known, there was a tremendous crowd to see the old
+      fellow led to the gallows. There was a line drawn up as if for a ducal
+      entry, and in it many more bonnets than hats. Vieux par-Chemins was saved
+      by a lady curious to see how this precious violator would finish his
+      career. She told the duke that religion demanded that he should have a
+      fair chance. And she dressed herself as if for a ball; she brought
+      intentionally into evidence two hillocks of such snowy whiteness that the
+      whitest linen neckerchief would have paled before them; indeed, these
+      fruits of love stood out, without a wrinkle, over her corset, like two
+      beautiful apples, and made one&rsquo;s mouth water, so exquisite were they. This
+      noble lady, who was one of those who rouse one&rsquo;s manhood, had a smile
+      ready on her lips for the old fellow. Vieux par-Chemins, dressed in
+      garments of coarse cloth, more certain of being in the desired state after
+      hanging than before it, came along between the officers of justice with a
+      sad countenance, glancing now here and there, and seeing nothing but
+      head-dresses; and he would he declared, have given a hundred crowns for a
+      girl tucked up as was the cowherdess, whose charms, though they had been
+      his ruin, he still remembered, and they might still have saved him; but,
+      as he was old, the remembrance was not sufficiently recent. But when, at
+      the foot of the ladder, he saw the twin charms of the lady, and the pretty
+      delta that their confluent rotundities produced, the sight so much excited
+      him that his emotion was patent to the spectators.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Make haste and see that the required conditions are fulfilled,&rdquo; said he
+      to the officers. &ldquo;I have gained my pardon but I cannot answer for my
+      saviour.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The lady was well pleased with this homage, which, she said, was greater
+      than his offence. The guards, whose business it was to proceed to a
+      verification, believed the culprit to be the devil, because never in their
+      wits had they seen an &ldquo;I&rdquo; so perpendicular as was the old man. He was
+      marched in triumph through the town to the palace of the duke, to whom the
+      guards and others stated the facts. In that period of ignorance, this
+      affair was thought so much of that the town voted the erection of a column
+      on the spot where the old fellow gained his pardon, and he was portrayed
+      thereon in stone in the attitude he assumed at the sight of that honest
+      and virtuous lady. The statue was still to be seen when Rouen was taken by
+      the English, and the writers of the period have included this history
+      among the notable events of the reign.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      As the town offered to supply the old man with all he required, and see to
+      his sustenance, clothing, and amusements, the good duke arranged matters
+      by giving the injured maiden a thousand crowns and marrying her to her
+      seducer, who then lost his name of Vieux par-Chemins. He was named by the
+      duke the Sieur de Bonne-C———. This wife was confined
+      nine months afterwards of a perfectly formed male child, alive and
+      kicking, and born with two teeth. From this marriage came the house of
+      Bonne-C———, who from motives modest but wrong, besought
+      our well-beloved King Louis Eleventh to grant them letters patent to
+      change their names into that of Bonne-Chose. The king pointed out to the
+      Sieur de Bonne-C——— that there was in the state of
+      Venice an illustrious family named Coglioni, who wore three &ldquo;C———
+      au natural&rdquo; on their coat of arms. The gentlemen of the House of Bonne-C———
+      stated to the king that their wives were ashamed to be thus called in
+      public assemblies; the king answered that they would lose a great deal,
+      because there is a great deal in a name. Nevertheless, he granted the
+      letters. After that this race was known by this name, and founded families
+      in many provinces. The first Sieur de Bonne-C——— lived
+      another 27 years, and had another son and two daughters. But he grieved
+      much at becoming rich, and no longer being able to pick up a living in the
+      street.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      From this you can obtain finer lessons and higher morals than from any
+      story you will read all your life long—of course excepting these
+      hundred glorious Droll Tales—namely, that never could adventure of
+      this sort have happened to the impaired and ruined constitutions of court
+      rascals, rich people and others who dig their graves with their teeth by
+      over-eating and drinking many wines that impair the implements of
+      happiness; which said over-fed people were lolling luxuriously in costly
+      draperies and on feather beds, while the Sieur de Bonne-Chose was roughing
+      it. In a similar situation, if they had eaten cabbage, it would have given
+      them the diarrhoea. This may incite many of those who read this story to
+      change their mode of life, in order to imitate Vieux par-Chemins in his
+      old age.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0044" id="link2H_4_0044">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      ODD SAYINGS OF THREE PILGRIMS
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      When the pope left his good town of Avignon to take up his residence in
+      Rome, certain pilgrims were thrown out who had set out for this country,
+      and would have to pass the high Alps, in order to gain this said town of
+      Rome, where they were going to seek the <i>remittimus</i> of various sins.
+      Then were to be seen on the roads, and the hostelries, those who wore the
+      order of Cain, otherwise the flower of the penitents, all wicked fellows,
+      burdened with leprous souls, which thirsted to bathe in the papal piscina,
+      and all carrying with them gold or precious things to purchase absolution,
+      pay for their beds, and present to the saints. You may be sure that those
+      who drank water going, on their return, if the landlords gave them water,
+      wished it to be the holy water of the cellar.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      At this time the three pilgrims came to this said Avignon to their injury,
+      seeing that it was widowed of the pope. While they were passing the
+      Rhodane, to reach the Mediterranean coast, one of the three pilgrims, who
+      had with him a son about 10 years of age, parted company with the others,
+      and near the town of Milan suddenly appeared again, but without the boy.
+      Now in the evening, at supper, they had a hearty feast in order to
+      celebrate the return of the pilgrim, who they thought had become disgusted
+      with penitence through the pope not being in Avignon. Of these three
+      roamers to Rome, one had come from the city of Paris, the other from
+      Germany, and the third, who doubtless wished to instruct his son on the
+      journey, had his home in the duchy of Burgundy, in which he had certain
+      fiefs, and was a younger son of the house of Villers-la-Faye (Villa in
+      Fago), and was named La Vaugrenand. The German baron had met the citizen
+      of Paris just past Lyons, and both had accosted the Sire de la Vaugrenand
+      in sight of Avignon.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Now in this hostelry the three pilgrims loosened their tongues, and agreed
+      to journey to Rome together, in order the better to resist the foot pads,
+      the night-birds, and other malefactors, who made it their business to ease
+      pilgrims of that which weighed upon their bodies before the pope eased
+      them of that which weighed upon their consciences. After drinking the
+      three companions commenced to talk together, for the bottle is the key of
+      conversation, and each made this confession—that the cause of his
+      pilgrimage was a woman. The servant who watched their drinking, told them
+      that of a hundred pilgrims who stopped in the locality, ninety-nine were
+      travelling from the same thing. These three wise men then began to
+      consider how pernicious is woman to man. The Baron showed the heavy gold
+      chain that he had in his hauberk to present to Saint Peter, and said his
+      crime was such that he would not get rid of with the value of two such
+      chains. The Parisian took off his glove, and exposed a ring set with a
+      white diamond, saying that he had a hundred like it for the pope. The
+      Burgundian took off his hat, and exhibited two wonderful pearls, that were
+      beautiful ear-pendants for Notre-Dame-de-Lorette, and candidly confessed
+      that he would rather have left them round his wife&rsquo;s neck.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Thereupon the servant exclaimed that their sins must have been as great as
+      those of Visconti.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then the pilgrims replied that they were such that they had made a solemn
+      vow in their minds never to go astray again during the remainder of their
+      days, however beautiful the woman might be, and this in addition to the
+      penance which the pope might impose upon them.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then the servant expressed her astonishment that all had made the same
+      vow. The Burgundian added, that this vow had been the cause of his lagging
+      behind, because he had been in extreme fear that his son, in spite of his
+      age, might go astray, and that he had made a vow to prevent people and
+      beasts alike gratifying their passions in his house, or upon his estates.
+      The baron having inquired the particulars of the adventure, the sire
+      narrated the affair as follows:—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You know that the good Countess Jeane d&rsquo;Avignon made formerly a law for
+      the harlots, who she compelled to live in the outskirts of the town in
+      houses with window-shutters painted red and closed. Now passing in my
+      company in this vile neighbourhood, my lad remarked these houses with
+      closed window-shutters, painted red, and his curiosity being aroused—for
+      these ten-year old little devils have eyes for everything—he pulled
+      me by the sleeve and kept on pulling until he had learnt from me what
+      these houses were. Then, to obtain peace, I told him that young lads had
+      nothing to do with such places, and could only enter them at the peril of
+      their lives, because it was a place where men and women were manufactured,
+      and the danger was such for anyone unacquainted with the business that if
+      a novice entered, flying chancres and other wild beasts would seize upon
+      his face. Fear seized the lad, who then followed me to the hostelry in a
+      state of agitation, and not daring to cast his eyes upon the said bordels.
+      While I was in the stable, seeing to the putting up of the horses, my son
+      went off like a robber, and the servant was unable to tell me what had
+      become of him. Then I was in great fear of the wenches, but had confidence
+      in the laws, which forbade them to admit such children. At supper-time the
+      rascal came back to me looking no more ashamed of himself than did our
+      divine Saviour in the temple among the doctors.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;Whence comes you?&rsquo; said I to him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;From the houses with the red shutters,&rsquo; he replied.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;Little blackguard,&rsquo; said I, &lsquo;I&rsquo;ll give you a taste of the whip.&rsquo;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Then he began to moan and cry. I told him that if he would confess all
+      that had happened to him I would let him off the beating.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;Ha,&rsquo; said he, &lsquo;I took care not to go in, because of the flying chancres
+      and other wild beasts. I only looked through the chinks of the windows, in
+      order to see how men were manufactured.&rsquo;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;And what did you see?&rsquo; I asked.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;I saw,&rsquo; said he, &lsquo;a fine woman just being finished, because she only
+      wanted one peg, which a young worker was fitting in with energy. Directly
+      she was finished she turned round, spoke to, and kissed her manufacturer.&rsquo;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;&lsquo;Have your supper,&rsquo; said I; and the same night I returned into Burgundy,
+      and left him with his mother, being sorely afraid that at the first town
+      he might want to fit a peg into some girl.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;These children often make these sort of answers,&rdquo; said the Parisian. &ldquo;One
+      of my neighbour&rsquo;s children revealed the cuckoldom of his father by a
+      reply. One day I asked, to see if he was well instructed at school in
+      religious matters, &lsquo;What is hope?&rsquo; &lsquo;One of the king&rsquo;s big archers, who
+      comes here when father goes out,&rsquo; said he. Indeed, the sergeant of the
+      Archers was named Hope. My friend was dumbfounded at this, and, although
+      to keep his countenance he looked in the mirror, he could not see his
+      horns there.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The baron observed that the boy&rsquo;s remark was good in this way: that Hope
+      is a person who comes to bed with us when the realities of life are out of
+      the way.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Is a cuckold made in the image of God?&rdquo; asked the Burgundian.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No,&rdquo; said the Parisian, &ldquo;because God was wise in this respect, that he
+      took no wife; therefore is He happy through all eternity.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;But,&rdquo; said the maid-servant, &ldquo;cuckolds are made in the image of God
+      before they are horned.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then the three pilgrims began to curse women, saying that they were the
+      cause of all the evils in the world.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Their heads are as empty as helmets,&rdquo; said the Burgundian.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Their hearts are as straight as bill-hooks,&rdquo; said the Parisian.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Why are there so many men pilgrims and so few women pilgrims?&rdquo; said the
+      German baron.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Their cursed member never sins,&rdquo; replied the Parisian; &ldquo;it knows neither
+      father nor mother, the commandments of God, nor those of the Church,
+      neither laws divine or human: their member knows no doctrine, understands
+      no heresies, and cannot be blamed; it is innocent of all, and always on
+      the laugh; its understanding is nil; and for this reason do I hold it in
+      utter detestation.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I also,&rdquo; said the Burgundian, &ldquo;and I begin to understand the different
+      reading by a learned man of the verses of the Bible, in which the account
+      of the creation is given. In this Commentary, which in my country we call
+      a Noel, lies the reason of imperfection of this feature of women, of
+      which, different to that of other females, no man can slake the thirst,
+      such diabolical heat existing there. In this Noel is stated that the Lord
+      God, having turned his head to look at a donkey, who had brayed for the
+      first time in his Paradise, while he was manufacturing Eve, the devil
+      seized this moment to put his finger into this divine creature, and made a
+      warm wound, which the Lord took care to close with a stitch, from which
+      comes the maid. By means of this frenum, the woman should remain closed,
+      and children be made in the same manner in which God made the angels, by a
+      pleasure far above carnal pleasure as the heaven is above the earth.
+      Observing this closing, the devil, wild at being done, pinched the Sieur
+      Adam, who was asleep, by the skin, and stretched a portion of it out in
+      imitation of his diabolical tail; but as the father of man was on his back
+      this appendage came out in front. Thus these two productions of the devil
+      had the desire to reunite themselves, following the law of similarities
+      which God had laid down for the conduct of the world. From this came the
+      first sin and the sorrows of the human race, because God, noticing the
+      devil&rsquo;s work, determined to see what would come of it.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The servant declared that they were quite correct in the statements, for
+      that woman was a bad animal, and that she herself knew some who were
+      better under the ground than on it. The pilgrims, noticing then how pretty
+      the girl was, were afraid of breaking their vows, and went straight to
+      bed. The girl went and told her mistress she was harbouring infidels, and
+      told her what they had said about women.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah!&rdquo; said the landlady, &ldquo;what matters it to me the thoughts my customers
+      have in their brains, so long as their purses are well filled.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      And when the servant had told of the jewels, she exclaimed—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ah, these are questions which concern all women. Let us go and reason
+      with them. I&rsquo;ll take the nobles, you can have the citizen.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The landlady, who was the most shameless inhabitant of the duchy of Milan,
+      went into the chamber where the Sire de La Vaugrenand and the German baron
+      were sleeping, and congratulated them upon their vows, saying that the
+      women would not lose much by them; but to accomplish these said vows it
+      was necessary they should endeavour to withstand the strongest
+      temptations. Then she offered to lie down beside them, so anxious were she
+      to see if she would be left unmolested, a thing which had never happened
+      to her yet in the company of a man.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      On the morrow, at breakfast, the servant had the ring on her finger, her
+      mistress had the gold chain and the pearl earrings. The three pilgrims
+      stayed in the town about a month, spending there all the money they had in
+      their purses, and agreed that if they had spoken so severely of women it
+      was because they had not known those of Milan.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      On his return to Germany the Baron made this observation: that he was only
+      guilty of one sin, that of being in his castle. The Citizen of Paris came
+      back full of stories for his wife, and found her full of Hope. The
+      Burgundian saw Madame de La Vaugrenand so troubled that he nearly died of
+      the consolations he administered to her, in spite of his former opinions.
+      This teaches us to hold our tongues in hostelries.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0045" id="link2H_4_0045">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      INNOCENCE
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      By the double crest of my fowl, and by the rose lining of my sweetheart&rsquo;s
+      slipper! By all the horns of well-beloved cuckolds, and by the virtue of
+      their blessed wives! the finest work of man is neither poetry, nor painted
+      pictures, nor music, nor castles, nor statues, be they carved never so
+      well, nor rowing, nor sailing galleys, but children.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Understand me, children up to the age of ten years, for after that they
+      become men or women, and cutting their wisdom teeth, are not worth what
+      they cost; the worst are the best. Watch them playing, prettily and
+      innocently, with slippers; above all, cancellated ones, with the household
+      utensils, leaving that which displeases them, crying after that which
+      pleases them, munching the sweets and confectionery in the house, nibbling
+      at the stores, and always laughing as soon as their teeth are cut, and you
+      will agree with me that they are in every way lovable; besides which they
+      are flower and fruit—the fruit of love, the flower of life. Before
+      their minds have been unsettled by the disturbances of life, there is
+      nothing in this world more blessed or more pleasant than their sayings,
+      which are naive beyond description. This is as true as the double chewing
+      machine of a cow. Do not expect a man to be innocent after the manner of
+      children, because there is an, I know not what, ingredient of reason in
+      the naivety of a man, while the naivety of children is candid, immaculate,
+      and has all the finesse of the mother, which is plainly proved in this
+      tale.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Queen Catherine was at that time Dauphine, and to make herself welcome to
+      the king, her father-in-law, who at that time was very ill indeed,
+      presented him, from time to time, with Italian pictures, knowing that he
+      liked them much, being a friend of the Sieur Raphael d&rsquo;Urbin and of the
+      Sieurs Primatice and Leonardo da Vinci, to whom he sent large sums of
+      money. She obtained from her family—who had the pick of these works,
+      because at that time the Duke of the Medicis governed Tuscany —a
+      precious picture, painted by a Venetian named Titian (artist to the
+      Emperor Charles, and in very high flavour), in which there were portraits
+      of Adam and Eve at the moment when God left them to wander about the
+      terrestrial Paradise, and were painted their full height, in the costume
+      of the period, in which it is difficult to make a mistake, because they
+      were attired in their ignorance, and caparisoned with the divine grace
+      which enveloped them—a difficult thing to execute on account of the
+      colour, but one in which the said Sieur Titian excelled. The picture was
+      put into the room of the poor king, who was then ill with the disease of
+      which he eventually died. It had a great success at the Court of France,
+      where everyone wished to see it; but no one was able to until after the
+      king&rsquo;s death, since at his desire it was allowed to remain in his room as
+      long as he lived.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      One day Madame Catherine took with her to the king&rsquo;s room her son Francis
+      and little Margot, who began to talk at random, as children will. Now
+      here, now there, these children had heard this picture of Adam and Eve
+      spoken about, and had tormented their mother to take them there. Since the
+      two little ones at times amused the old king, Madame the Dauphine
+      consented to their request.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You wished to see Adam and Eve, who were our first parents; there they
+      are,&rdquo; said she.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then she left them in great astonishment before Titian&rsquo;s picture, and
+      seated herself by the bedside of the king, who delighted to watch the
+      children.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Which of the two is Adam?&rdquo; said Francis, nudging his sister Margot&rsquo;s
+      elbow.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You silly!&rdquo; replied she, &ldquo;to know that, they would have to be dressed!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      This reply, which delighted the poor king and the mother, was mentioned in
+      a letter written in Florence by Queen Catherine.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      No writer having brought it to light, it will remain, like a sweet flower,
+      in a corner of these Tales, although it is no way droll, and there is no
+      other moral to be drawn from it except that to hear these pretty speeches
+      of infancy one must beget the children.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0046" id="link2H_4_0046">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE FAIR IMPERIA MARRIED
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      I HOW MADAME IMPERIA WAS CAUGHT BY THE VERY NET SHE WAS ACCUSTOMED TO
+      SPREAD FOR HER LOVE-BIRDS
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The lovely lady Imperia, who gloriously opens these tales, because she was
+      the glory of her time, was compelled to come into the town of Rome, after
+      the holding of the council, for the cardinal of Ragusa loved her more than
+      his cardinal&rsquo;s hat, and wished to have her near him. This rascal was so
+      magnificent, that he presented her with the beautiful palace that he had
+      in the Papal capital. About this time she had the misfortune to find
+      herself in an interesting condition by this cardinal. As everyone knows,
+      this pregnancy finished with a fine little daughter, concerning whom the
+      Pope said jokingly that she should be named Theodora, as if to say The
+      Gift Of God. The girl was thus named, and was exquisitely lovely. The
+      cardinal left his inheritance to this Theodora, whom the fair Imperia
+      established in her hotel, for she was flying from Rome as from a
+      pernicious place, where children were begotten, and where she had nearly
+      spoiled her beautiful figure, her celebrated perfections, lines of the
+      body, curves of the back, delicious breasts, and Serpentine charms which
+      placed her as much above the other women of Christendom as the Holy Father
+      was above all other Christians. But all her lovers knew that with the
+      assistance of eleven doctors of Padua, seven master surgeons of Pavia, and
+      five surgeons come from all parts, who assisted at her confinement, she
+      was preserved from all injury. Some go so far as to say that she gained
+      therein superfineness and whiteness of skin. A famous man, of the school
+      of Salerno, wrote a book on the subject, to show the value of a
+      confinement for the freshness, health, preservation, and beauty of women.
+      In this very learned book it was clearly proved to readers that that which
+      was beautiful to see in Imperia, was that which it was permissible for
+      lovers alone to behold; a rare case then, for she did not disarrange her
+      attire for the petty German princes whom she called her margraves,
+      burgraves, electors, and dukes, just as a captain ranks his soldiers.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Everyone knows that when she was eighteen years of age, the lovely
+      Theodora, to atone for her mother&rsquo;s gay life, wished to retire into the
+      bosom of the Church. With this idea she placed herself in the hands of a
+      cardinal, in order that he might instruct her in the duties of the devout.
+      This wicked shepherd found the lamb so magnificently beautiful that he
+      attempted to debauch her. Theodora instantly stabbed herself with a
+      stiletto, in order not to be contaminated by the evil-minded priest. This
+      adventure, which was consigned to the history of the period, made a great
+      commotion in Rome, and was deplored by everyone, so much was the daughter
+      of Imperia beloved.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then this noble courtesan, much afflicted, returned to Rome, there to weep
+      for her poor daughter. She set out in the thirty-ninth year of her age,
+      which was, according to some authors, the summer of her magnificent
+      beauty, because then she had obtained the acme of perfection, like ripe
+      fruit. Sorrow made her haughty and hard with those who spoke to her of
+      love, in order to dry her tears. The pope himself visited her in her
+      palace, and gave her certain words of admonition. But she refused to be
+      comforted, saying that she would henceforth devote herself to God, because
+      she had never yet been satisfied by any man, although she had ardently
+      desired it; and all of them, even a little priest, whom she had adored
+      like a saint&rsquo;s shrine, had deceived her. God, she was sure, would not do
+      so.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This resolution disconcerted many, for she was the joy of a vast number of
+      lords. So that people ran about the streets of Rome crying out, &ldquo;Where is
+      Madame Imperia? Is she going to deprive the world of love?&rdquo; Some of the
+      ambassadors wrote to their masters on the subject. The Emperor of the
+      Romans was much cut up about it, because he had loved her to distraction
+      for eleven weeks; had left her only to go to the wars, and loved her still
+      as much as his most precious member, which according to his own statement,
+      was his eye, for that alone embraced the whole of his dear Imperia. In
+      this extremity the Pope sent for a Spanish physician, and conducted him to
+      the beautiful creature, to whom he proved, by various arguments, adorned
+      with Latin and Greek quotations, that beauty is impaired by tears and
+      tribulation, and that through sorrow&rsquo;s door wrinkles step in. This
+      proposition, confirmed by the doctors of the Holy College in controversy,
+      had the effect of opening the doors of the palace that same evening. The
+      young cardinals, the foreign envoys, the wealthy inhabitants, and the
+      principal men of the town of Rome came, crowded the rooms, and held a
+      joyous festival; the common people made grand illuminations, and thus the
+      whole population celebrated the return of the Queen of Pleasure to her
+      occupation, for she was at that time the presiding deity of Love. The
+      experts in all the arts loved her much, because she spent considerable
+      sums of money improving the Church in Rome, which contained poor
+      Theodora&rsquo;s tomb, which was destroyed during that pillage of Rome in which
+      perished the traitorous constable of Bourbon, for this holy maiden was
+      placed therein in a massive coffin of gold and silver, which the cursed
+      soldiers were anxious to obtain. The basilic cost, it is said, more than
+      the pyramid erected by the Lady Rhodepa, an Egyptian courtesan, eighteen
+      hundred years before the coming of our divine Saviour, which proves the
+      antiquity of this pleasant occupation, the extravagant prices which the
+      wise Egyptians paid for their pleasures, and how things deteriorate,
+      seeing that now for a trifle you can have a chemise full of female
+      loveliness in the Rue du Petit-Heulen, at Paris. Is it not abomination?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Never had Madame Imperia appeared so lovely as at this first gala after
+      her mourning. All the princes, cardinals, and others declared that she was
+      worthy the homage of the whole world, which was there represented by a
+      noble from every known land, and thus was it amply demonstrated that
+      beauty was in every place queen of everything.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The envoy of the King of France, who was a cadet of the house of l&rsquo;Ile
+      Adam, arrived late, although he had never yet seen Imperia, and was most
+      anxious to do so. He was a handsome young knight, much in favour with his
+      sovereign, in whose court he had a mistress, whom he loved with infinite
+      tenderness, and who was the daughter of Monsieur de Montmorency, a lord
+      whose domains bordered upon those of the house of l&rsquo;Ile Adam. To this
+      penniless cadet the king had given certain missions to the duchy of Milan,
+      of which he had acquitted himself so well that he was sent to Rome to
+      advance the negotiations concerning which historians have written so much
+      in their books. Now if he had nothing of his own, poor little l&rsquo;Ile Adam
+      relied upon so good a beginning. He was slightly built, but upright as a
+      column, dark, with black, glistening eyes; and a man not easily taken in;
+      but concealing his finesse, he had the air of an innocent child, which
+      made him gentle and amiable as a laughing maiden. Directly this gentleman
+      joined her circle, and her eyes had rested upon him, Madame Imperia felt
+      herself bitten by a strong desire, which stretched the harp strings of her
+      nature, and produced therefrom a sound she had not heard for many a day.
+      She was seized with such a vertigo of true love at the sight of this
+      freshness of youth, that but for her imperial dignity she would have
+      kissed the good cheeks which shone like little apples.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Now take note of this; that so called modest women, and ladies whose
+      skirts bear their armorial bearings, are thoroughly ignorant of the nature
+      of man, because they keep to one alone, like the Queen of France who
+      believed all men had ulcers in the nose because the king had; but a great
+      courtesan, like Madame Imperia, knew man to his core, because she had
+      handled a great many. In her retreat, everyone came out in his true
+      colours, and concealed nothing, thinking to himself that he would not be
+      long with her. Having often deplored this subjection, sometimes she would
+      remark that she suffered from pleasure more than she suffered from pain.
+      There was the dark shadow of her life. You may be sure that a lover was
+      often compelled to part with a nice little heap of crowns in order to pass
+      the night with her, and was reduced to desperation by a refusal. Now for
+      her it was a joyful thing to feel a youthful desire, like that she had for
+      the little priest, whose story commences this collection; but because she
+      was older than in those merry days, love was more fully established in
+      her, and she soon perceived that it was of a fiery nature when it began to
+      make itself felt; indeed, she suffered in her skin like a cat that is
+      being scorched, and so much so that she had an intense longing to spring
+      upon this gentleman, and bear him in triumph to her nest, as a kite does
+      its prey, but with great difficulty she restrained herself. When he came
+      and bowed to her, she threw back her head, and assumed a most dignified
+      attitude, as do those who have a love infatuation in their hearts. The
+      gravity of her demeanour to the young ambassador caused many to think that
+      she had work in store for him; equivocating on the word, after the custom
+      of the time.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      L&rsquo;Ile Adam, knowing himself to be dearly loved by his mistress, troubled
+      himself but little about Madame Imperia, grave or gay, and frisked about
+      like a goat let loose. The courtesan, terribly annoyed at this, changed
+      her tone, from being sulky became gay and lively, came to him, softened
+      her voice, sharpened her glance, gracefully inclined her head, rubbed
+      against him with her sleeve, and called him Monsiegneur, embraced him with
+      the loving words, trifled with his hand, and finished by smiling at him
+      most affably. He, not imagining that so unprofitable a lover would suit
+      her, for he was as poor as a church mouse, and did not know that his
+      beauty was the equal in her eyes to all the treasures of the world, was
+      not taken in her trap, but continued to ride the high horse with his hand
+      on his hips. This disdain of her passion irritated Madame to the heart,
+      which by this spark was set in flame. If you doubt this, it is because you
+      know nothing of the profession of the Madame Imperia, who by reason of it
+      might be compared to a chimney, in which a great number of fires have been
+      lighted, which had filled it with soot; in this state a match was
+      sufficient to burn everything there, where a hundred fagots has smoked
+      comfortably. She burned within from top to toe in a horrible manner, and
+      could not be extinguished save with the water of love. The cadet of l&rsquo;Ile
+      Adam left the room without noticing this ardour.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Madame, disconsolate at his departure, lost her senses from her head to
+      her feet, and so thoroughly that she sent a messenger to him on the
+      galleries, begging him to pass the night with her. On no other occasion of
+      her life had she had this cowardice, either for king, pope, or emperor,
+      since the high price of her favours came from the bondage in which she
+      held her admirers, whom the more she humbled the more she raised herself.
+      The disdainful hero of this history was informed by the head
+      chamber-women, who was a clever jade, that in all probability a great
+      treat awaited him, for most certainly Madame would regale him with her
+      most delicate inventions of love. L&rsquo;Ile Adam returned to the salons,
+      delighted at this lucky chance. Directly the envoy of France reappeared,
+      as everyone had seen Imperia turn pale at his departure, the general joy
+      knew no bounds, because everyone was delighted to see her return to her
+      old life of love. An English cardinal, who had drained more than one
+      big-bellied flagon, and wished to taste Imperia, went to l&rsquo;Ile Adam and
+      whispered to him, &ldquo;Hold her fast, so that she shall never again escape
+      us.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The story of this remark was told to the pope at his levee, and caused him
+      to remark, <i>Laetamini, gentes, quoniam surrexit Dominus</i>. A quotation
+      which the old cardinals abominated as a profanation of sacred texts.
+      Seeing which, the pope reprimanded them severely, and took occasion to
+      lecture them, telling them that if they were good Christians they were bad
+      politicians. Indeed, he relied upon the fair Imperia to reclaim the
+      emperor, and with this idea he syringed her well with flattery.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The lights of the palace being extinguished, the golden flagons on the
+      floor, and the servants drunk and stretched about on the carpets, Madame
+      entered her bedchamber, leading by the hand her dear lover-elect; and she
+      was well pleased, and has since confessed that so strongly was she bitten
+      with love, she could hardly restrain herself from rolling at his feet like
+      a beast of the field, begging him to crush her beneath him if he could.
+      L&rsquo;Ile Adam slipped off his garments, and tumbled into bed as if he were in
+      his own house. Seeing which, Madame hastened her preparations, and sprang
+      into her lover&rsquo;s arms with a frenzy that astonished her women, who knew
+      her to be ordinarily one of the most modest of women on these occasions.
+      The astonishment became general throughout the country, for the pair
+      remained in bed for nine days, eating, drinking, and embracing in a
+      marvellous and most masterly manner. Madame told her women that at last
+      she had placed her hand on a phoenix of love, since he revived from every
+      attack. Nothing was talked of in Rome and Italy but the victory that had
+      been gained over Imperia, who had boasted that she would yield to no man,
+      and spat upon all of them, even the dukes. As to the aforesaid margraves
+      and burgraves, she gave them the tail of her dress to hold, and said that
+      if she did not tread them under foot, they would trample upon her. Madame
+      confessed to her servants that, differently to all other men she had had
+      to put up with, the more she fondled this child of love, the more she
+      desired to do so, and that she would never be able to part with him; nor
+      his splendid eyes, which blinded her; nor his branch of coral, that she
+      always hungered after. She further declared that if such were his desire,
+      she would let him suck her blood, eat her breasts—which were the
+      most lovely in the world—and cut her tresses, of which she had only
+      given a single one to the Emperor of the Romans, who kept it in his
+      breast, like a precious relic; finally, she confessed that on that night
+      only had life begun for her, because the embrace of Villiers de l&rsquo;Ile Adam
+      sent the blood to her in three bounds and in a brace of shakes.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      These expressions becoming known, made everyone very miserable. Directly
+      she went out, Imperia told the ladies of Rome that she should die it if
+      she were deserted by this gentleman, and would cause herself, like Queen
+      Cleopatra, to be bitten by an asp. She declared openly that she had bidden
+      an eternal adieu her to her former gay life, and would show the whole
+      world what virtue was by abandoning her empire for this Villiers de l&rsquo;Ile
+      Adam, whose servant she would rather be than reign of Christendom. The
+      English cardinal remonstrated with the pope that this love for one, in the
+      heart of a woman who was the joy of all, was an infamous depravity, and
+      that he ought with a brief <i>in partibus</i>, to annul this marriage,
+      which robbed the fashionable world of its principal attraction. But the
+      love of this poor woman, who had confessed the miseries of her life, was
+      so sweet a thing, and so moved the most dissipated heart, that she
+      silenced all clamour, and everyone forgave her her happiness. One day,
+      during Lent, Imperia made her people fast, and ordered them to go and
+      confess, and return to God. She herself went and fell at the pope&rsquo;s feet,
+      and there showed such penitence, that she obtained from him remission of
+      all her sins, believing that the absolution of the pope would communicate
+      to her soul that virginity which she was grieved at being unable to offer
+      her lover. It is impossible to help thinking that there was some virtue in
+      the ecclesiastical piscina, for the poor cadet was so smothered with love
+      that he fancied himself in Paradise, and left the negotiations of the King
+      of France, left his love for Mademoiselle de Montmorency—in fact,
+      left everything to marry Madame Imperia, in order that he might live and
+      die with her. Such was the effect of the learned ways of this great lady
+      of pleasure directly she turned her science to the root of a virtuous
+      love. Imperia bade adieu to her admirers at a royal feast, given in honour
+      of her wedding, which was a wonderful ceremony, at which all the Italian
+      princes were present. She had, it is said, a million gold crowns; in spite
+      of the vastness of this sum, every one far from blaming L&rsquo;Ile Adam, paid
+      him many compliments, because it was evident that neither Madame Imperia
+      nor her young husband thought of anything but one. The pope blessed their
+      marriage, and said that it was a fine thing to see the foolish virgin
+      returning to God by the road of marriage.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But during that last night in which it would be permissible for all to
+      behold the Queen of Beauty, who was about to become a simple chatelaine of
+      the kingdom of France, there were a great number of men who mourned for
+      the merry nights, the suppers, the masked balls, the joyous games, and the
+      melting hours, when each one emptied his heart to her. Everyone regretted
+      the ease and freedom which had always been found in the residence of this
+      lovely creature, who now appeared more tempting than she had ever done in
+      her life, for the fervid heat of her great love made her glisten like a
+      summer sun. Much did they lament the fact that she had had the sad fantasy
+      to become a respectable woman. To these Madame de l&rsquo;Ile Adam answered
+      jestingly, that after twenty-four years passed in the service of the
+      public, she had a right to retire. Others said to her, that however
+      distant the sun was, people could warm themselves in it, while she would
+      show herself no more. To these she replied that she would still have
+      smiles to bestow upon those lords who would come and see how she played
+      the role of a virtuous woman. To this the English envoy answered, he
+      believed her capable of pushing virtue to its extreme point. She gave a
+      present to each of her friends, and large sums to the poor and suffering
+      of Rome; besides this, she left to the convent where her daughter was to
+      have been, and to the church she had built, the wealth she had inherited
+      from Theodora, which came from the cardinal of Ragusa.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When the two spouses set out they were accompanied a long way by knights
+      in mourning, and even by the common people, who wished them every
+      happiness, because Madame Imperia had been hard on the rich only, and had
+      always been kind and gentle with the poor. This lovely queen of love was
+      hailed with acclamations throughout the journey in all the towns of Italy
+      where the report of her conversion had spread, and where everyone was
+      curious to see pass, a case so rare as two such spouses. Several princes
+      received this handsome couple at their courts, saying it was but right to
+      show honour to this woman who had the courage to renounce her empire over
+      the world of fashion, to become a virtuous woman. But there was an
+      evil-minded fellow, one my lord Duke of Ferrara, who said to l&rsquo;Ile Adam
+      that his great fortune had not cost him much. At this first offence Madame
+      Imperia showed what a good heart she had, for she gave up all the money
+      she had received from her lovers, to ornament the dome of St. Maria del
+      Fiore, in the town of Florence, which turned the laugh against the Sire
+      d&rsquo;Este, who boasted that he had built a church in spite of the empty
+      condition of his purse. You may be sure he was reprimanded for this joke
+      by his brother the cardinal.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The fair Imperia only kept her own wealth and that which the Emperor had
+      bestowed upon her out of pure friendship since his departure, the amount
+      of which was however, considerable. The cadet of l&rsquo;Ile Adam had a duel
+      with the duke, in which he wounded him. Thus neither Madame de l&rsquo;Ile Adam,
+      nor her husband could be in any way reproached. This piece of chivalry
+      caused her to be gloriously received in all places she passed through,
+      especially in Piedmont, where the fetes were splendid. Verses which the
+      poet then composed, such as sonnets, epithalamias, and odes, have been
+      given in certain collections; but all poetry was weak in comparison with
+      her, who was, according to an expression of Monsieur Boccaccio, poetry
+      herself.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The prize in this tourney of fetes and gallantry must be awarded to the
+      good Emperor of the Romans, who, knowing of the misbehaviour of the Duke
+      of Ferrara, dispatched an envoy to his old flame, charged with Latin
+      manuscripts, in which he told her that he loved her so much for herself,
+      that he was delighted to know that she was happy, but grieved to know that
+      all her happiness was not derived from him; that he had lost his right to
+      make her presents, but that, if the king of France received her coldly, he
+      would think it an honour to acquire a Villiers to the holy empire, and
+      would give him such principalities as he might choose from his domains.
+      The fair Imperia replied that she was extremely obliged to the Emperor,
+      but that had she to suffer contumely upon contumely in France, she still
+      intended there to finish her days.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      II HOW THIS MARRIAGE ENDED
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Not knowing if it she would be received or not, the lady of l&rsquo;Ile Adam
+      would not go to court, but lived in the country, where her husband made a
+      fine establishment, purchasing the manor of Beaumont-le-Vicomte, which
+      gave rise to the equivoque upon his name, made by our well-beloved
+      Rabelais, in his most magnificent book. He acquired also the domain of
+      Nointel, the forest of Carenelle, St. Martin, and other places in the
+      neighbourhood of the l&rsquo;Ile Adam, where his brother Villiers resided. These
+      said acquisitions made him the most powerful lord in the l&rsquo;Ile de France
+      and county of Paris. He built a wonderful castle near Beaumont, which was
+      afterwards ruined by the English, and adorned it with the furniture,
+      foreign tapestries, chests, pictures, statues, and curiosities, of his
+      wife, who was a great connoisseur, which made this place equal to the most
+      magnificent castles known.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The happy pair led a life so envied by all, that nothing was talked about
+      in Paris and at Court but this marriage, the good fortune of the Sire de
+      Beaumont, and, above all, of the perfect, loyal, gracious, and religious
+      life of his wife, who from habit many still called Madame Imperia; who was
+      no longer proud and sharp as steel, but had the virtues and qualities of a
+      respectable woman, and was an example in many things to a queen. She was
+      much beloved by the Church on account of her great religion, for she had
+      never once forgotten God, having, as she once said, spent much of her time
+      with churchmen, abbots, bishops, and cardinals, who had sprinkled her well
+      with holy water, and under the curtains worked her eternal salvation.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The praises sung in honour of this lady had such an effect, that the king
+      came to Beauvoisis to gaze upon this wonder, and did the sire the honour
+      to sleep at Beaumont, remained there three days, and had a royal hunt
+      there with the queen and the whole Court. You may be sure that he was
+      surprised, as were also the queen, the ladies, and the Court, at the
+      manners of this superb creature, who was proclaimed a lady of courtesy and
+      beauty. The king first, then the queen, and afterwards every individual
+      member of the company, complemented l&rsquo;Ile Adam on having chosen such a
+      wife. The modesty of the chatelaine did more than pride would have
+      accomplished; for she was invited to court, and everywhere, so imperious
+      was her great heart, so tyrannic her violent love for her husband. You may
+      be sure that her charms, hidden under the garments of virtue, were none
+      the less exquisite. The king gave the vacant post of lieutenant of the Ile
+      de France and provost of Paris to his ancient ambassador, giving him the
+      title of Viscount of Beaumont, which established him as governor of the
+      whole province, and put him on an excellent footing at court. But this was
+      the cause of a great wound in Madame&rsquo;s heart, because a wretch, jealous of
+      this unclouded happiness, asked her, playfully, if Beaumont had ever
+      spoken to her of his first love, Mademoiselle de Montmorency, who at that
+      time was twenty-two years of age, as she was sixteen at the time the
+      marriage took place in Rome—the which young lady loved l&rsquo;Ile Adam so
+      much that she remained a maiden, would listen to no proposals of marriage,
+      and was dying of a broken heart, unable to banish her perfidious lover
+      from her remembrance and was desirous of entering the convent of Chelles.
+      Madame Imperia, during the six years of her marriage, had never heard this
+      name, and was sure from this fact that she was indeed beloved. You can
+      imagine that this time had been passed as a single day, that both believed
+      that they had only been married the evening before, and that each night
+      was as a wedding night, and that if business took the knight out of doors,
+      he was quite melancholy, being unwilling ever to have her out of his
+      sight, and she was the same with him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The king, who was very partial to the viscount, also made a remark to him
+      which stung him to the quick, when he said, &ldquo;You have no children?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      To which Beaumont replied, with the face of a man whose raw place you have
+      touched with your finger, &ldquo;Monsiegneur, my brother has; thus our line is
+      safe.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Now it happened that his brother&rsquo;s two children died suddenly—one
+      from a fall from his horse at a tournament and the other from illness.
+      Monsieur l&rsquo;Ile Adam the elder was so stricken with grief at these two
+      deaths that he expired soon after, so much did he love his two sons. By
+      this means the manor of Beaumont, the property at Carenelle, St. Martin,
+      Nointel, and the surrounding domains, were reunited to the manor of l&rsquo;Ile
+      Adam, and the neighbouring forests, and the cadet became the head of the
+      house. At this time Madame was forty-five, and was still fit to bear
+      children; but alas! she conceived not. As soon as she saw the lineage of
+      l&rsquo;Ile Adam destroyed, she was anxious to obtain offspring.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Now, as during the seven years which had elapsed she had never once had
+      the slightest hint of pregnancy, she believed, according to the statement
+      of a clever physician whom she sent for from Paris, that this barrenness
+      proceeded from the fact, that both she and her husband, always more lovers
+      than spouses, allowed pleasure to interfere with business, and by this
+      means engendering was prevented. Then she endeavoured to restrain her
+      impetuosity, and to take things coolly, because the physician had
+      explained to her that in a state of nature animals never failed to breed,
+      because the females employed none of those artifices, tricks, and
+      hanky-pankies with which women accommodate the olives of Poissy, and for
+      this reason they thoroughly deserved the title of beasts. She promised him
+      no longer to play with such a serious affair, and to forget all the
+      ingenious devices in which she had been so fertile. But, alas! although
+      she kept as quiet as that German woman who lay so still that her husband
+      embraced her to death, and then went, poor baron, to obtain absolution
+      from the pope, who delivered his celebrated brief, in which he requested
+      the ladies of Franconia to be a little more lively, and prevent a
+      repetition of such a crime. Madame de l&rsquo;Ile Adam did not conceive, and
+      fell into a state of great melancholy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then she began to notice how thoughtful had become her husband, l&rsquo;Ile
+      Adam, whom she watched when he thought she was not looking, and who wept
+      that he had no fruit of his great love. Soon this pair mingled their
+      tears, for everything was common to the two in this fine household, and as
+      they never left the other, the thought of the one was necessarily the
+      thought of the other. When Madame beheld a poor person&rsquo;s child she nearly
+      died of grief, and it took her a whole day to recover. Seeing this great
+      sorrow, l&rsquo;Ile Adam ordered all children to be kept out of his wife&rsquo;s
+      sight, and said soothing things to her, such as that children often turned
+      out badly; to which she replied, that a child made by those who loved so
+      passionately would be the finest child in the world. He told her that her
+      sons might perish, like those of his poor brother; to which she replied,
+      that she would not let them stir further from her petticoats than a hen
+      allows her chickens. In fact, she had an answer for everything.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Madame caused a woman to be sent for who dealt in magic, and who was
+      supposed to be learned in these mysteries, who told her that she had often
+      seen women unable to conceive in spite of every effort, but yet they had
+      succeeded by studying the manners and customs of animals. Madame took the
+      beasts of the fields for her preceptors, but she did not increase in size;
+      her flesh still remained firm and white as marble. She returned to the
+      physical science of the master doctors of Paris, and sent for a celebrated
+      Arabian physician, who had just arrived in France with a new science. Then
+      this savant, brought up in the school of one Sieur Averroes, entered into
+      certain medical details, and declared that the loose life she had formerly
+      led had for ever ruined her chance of obtaining offspring. The physical
+      reasons which he assigned were so contrary to the teaching of the holy
+      books which establish the majesty of man, made in the image of his
+      creator, and so contrary to the system upheld by sound sense and good
+      doctrine, that the doctors of Paris laughed them to scorn. The Arabian
+      physician left the school where his master, the Sieur Averroes, was
+      unknown.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The doctors told Madame, who had come to Paris, that she was to keep on as
+      usual, since she had had during her gay life the lovely Theodora, by the
+      cardinal of Ragusa, and that the right of having children remained with
+      women as long as their blood circulated, and all that she had to do was to
+      multiply the chances of conception. This advice appeared to her so good
+      that she multiplied her victories, but it was only multiplying her
+      defeats, since she obtained the flowers of love without its fruits.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The poor afflicted woman wrote then to the pope, who loved her much, and
+      told him of her sorrows. The good pope replied to her with a gracious
+      homily, written with his own hand, in which he told her that when human
+      science and things terrestrial had failed, we should turn to Heaven and
+      implore the grace of God. Then she determined to go with naked feet,
+      accompanied by her husband, to Notre Dame de Liesse, celebrated for her
+      intervention in similar cases, and made a vow to build a magnificent
+      cathedral in gratitude for the child. But she bruised and injured her
+      pretty feet, and conceived nothing but a violent grief, which was so great
+      that some of her lovely tresses fell off and some turned white.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      At last the faculty of making children was taken from her, which brought
+      on the vapours consequent upon hypochondria, and caused her skin to turn
+      yellow. She was then forty-nine years of age, and lived in her castle of
+      l&rsquo;Ile Adam, where she grew as thin as a leper in a lazar-house. The poor
+      creature was all the more wretched because l&rsquo;Ile Adam was still amorous,
+      and as good as gold to her, who failed in her duty, because she had
+      formerly been too free with the men, and was now, according to her own
+      disdainful remark, only a cauldron to cook chitterlings.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ha!&rdquo; said she, one evening when these thoughts were tormenting her. &ldquo;In
+      spite of the Church, in spite of the king, in spite of everything, Madame
+      de l&rsquo;Ile Adam is still the wicked Imperia!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      She fell into a violent passion when she saw this handsome gentleman have
+      everything a man can desire, great wealth, royal favour, unequalled love,
+      matchless wife, pleasure such as none other could produce, and yet fail in
+      that which is dearest to the head of the house—namely, lineage. With
+      this idea in her head, she wished to die, thinking how good and noble he
+      had been to her, and how much she failed in her duty in not giving him
+      children, and in being henceforward unable to do so. She hid her sorrow in
+      the secret recesses of her heart, and conceived a devotion worthy her
+      great love. To put into practice this heroic design she became still more
+      amorous, took extreme care of her charms, and made use of learned precepts
+      to maintain her bodily perfection, which threw out an incredible lustre.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      About this time the Sieur de Montmorency conquered the repulsion his
+      daughter entertained for marriage, and her alliance with one Sieur de
+      Chatillon was much talked about. Madame Imperia, who lived only three
+      leagues distant from Montmorency, one day sent her husband out hunting in
+      the forests, and set out towards the castle where the young lady lived.
+      Arrived in the grounds she walked about there, telling a servant to inform
+      her mistress that a lady had a most important communication to make to
+      her, and that she had come to request an audience. Much interested by the
+      account which she received by the beauty, courtesy, and manners of the
+      unknown lady, Mademoiselle de Montmorency went in great haste into the
+      gardens, and there met her rival, whom she did not know.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My dear,&rdquo; said the poor woman, weeping to find the young maiden as
+      beautiful as herself, &ldquo;I know that they are trying to force you into a
+      marriage with Monsieur de Chatillon, although you still love Monsieur de
+      l&rsquo;Ile Adam. Have confidence in the prophecy that I here make you, that he
+      whom you have loved, and who only was false to you through a snare into
+      which an angel might have fallen, will be free from the burden of his old
+      wife before the leaves fall. Thus the constancy of your love will have its
+      crown of flowers. Now have the courage to refuse this marriage they are
+      arranging for you, and you may yet clasp your first and only love. Pledge
+      me your word to love and cherish l&rsquo;Ile Adam, who is the kindest of men;
+      never to cause him a moment&rsquo;s anguish, and tell him to reveal to you all
+      the secrets of love invented by Madame Imperia, because, in practicing
+      them, being young, you will be easily able to obliterate the remembrance
+      of her from his mind.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Mademoiselle de Montmorency was so astonished that she could make no
+      answer, and let this queen of beauty depart, and believed her to be a
+      fairy, until a workman told her that the fairy was Madame de l&rsquo;Ile Adam.
+      Although the adventure was inexplicable, she told her father that she
+      would not give her consent to the proposed marriage until after the
+      autumn, so much is it in the nature of Love to ally itself with Hope, in
+      spite of the bitter pills which this deceitful and gracious, companion
+      gives her to swallow like bull&rsquo;s eyes. During the months when the grapes
+      are gathered, Imperia would not let l&rsquo;Ile Adam leave her, and was so
+      amorous that one would have imagined she wished to kill him, since l&rsquo;Ile
+      Adam felt as though he had a fresh bride in his arms every night. The next
+      morning the good woman requested him to keep the remembrance of these joys
+      in his heart.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then, to know what her lover&rsquo;s real thoughts on the subject were she said
+      to him, &ldquo;Poor l&rsquo;Ile Adam, we were very silly to marry—a lad like
+      you, with your twenty-three years, and an old woman close to 40.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      He answered her, that his happiness was such that he was the envy of every
+      one, that at her age her equal did not exist among the younger women, and
+      that if ever she grew old he would love her wrinkles, believing that even
+      in the tomb she would be lovely, and her skeleton lovable.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      To these answers, which brought the tears into her eyes, she one morning
+      answered maliciously, that Mademoiselle de Montmorency was very lovely and
+      very faithful. This speech forced l&rsquo;Ile Adam to tell her that she pained
+      him by telling him of the only wrong he had ever committed in his life—the
+      breaking of the troth pledged to his first sweetheart, all love for whom
+      he had since effaced from his heart. This candid speech made her seize him
+      and clasp him to her heart, affected at the loyalty of his discourse on a
+      subject from which many would have shrunk.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;My dear love,&rdquo; said she, &ldquo;for a long time past I have been suffering from
+      a retraction of the heart, which has always since my youth been dangerous
+      to my life, and in this opinion the Arabian physician coincides. If I die,
+      I wish you to make the most binding oath a knight can make, to wed
+      Mademoiselle Montmorency. I am so certain of dying, that I leave my
+      property to you only on condition that this marriage takes place.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Hearing this, l&rsquo;Ile Adam turned pale, and felt faint at the mere thought
+      of an eternal separation from his good wife.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, dear treasure of love,&rdquo; continued she. &ldquo;I am punished by God there
+      where my sins were committed, for the great joys that I feel dilate my
+      heart, and have, according to the Arabian doctor, weakened the vessels
+      which in a moment of excitement will burst; but I have always implored God
+      to take my life at the age in which I now am, because I would not see my
+      charms marred by the ravages of time.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      This great and noble woman saw then how well she was beloved. This is how
+      she obtained the greatest sacrifice of love that ever was made upon this
+      earth. She alone knew what a charm existed in the embraces, fondlings, and
+      raptures of the conjugal bed, which were such that poor l&rsquo;Ile Adam would
+      rather have died than allow himself to be deprived of the amorous
+      delicacies she knew so well how to prepare. At this confession made by her
+      that, in the excitement of love her heart would burst, the chevalier cast
+      himself at her knees, and declared that to preserve her life he would
+      never ask her for love, but would live contented to see her only at his
+      side, happy at being able to touch but the hem of her garment.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      She replied, bursting into tears, &ldquo;that she would rather die than lose one
+      iota of his love; that she would die as she had lived, since luckily she
+      could make a man embrace her when such was her desire without having to
+      put her request into words.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Here it must be stated that the cardinal of Ragusa had given her as a
+      present an article, which this holy joker called <i>in articulo mortis</i>.
+      It was a tiny glass bottle, no bigger than a bean, made at Venice, and
+      containing a poison so subtle that by breaking it between the teeth death
+      came instantly and painlessly. He had received it from Signora Tophana,
+      the celebrated maker of poisons of the town of Rome.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Now this tiny bottle was under the bezel of a ring, preserved from all
+      objects that could break it by certain plates of gold. Poor Imperia put it
+      into her mouth several times without being able to make up her mind to
+      bite it, so much pleasure did she take in the moment that she believed to
+      be her last. Then she would pass before her in mental review all her
+      methods of enjoyment before breaking the glass, and determined that when
+      she felt the most perfect of all joys she would bite the bottle.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The poor creature departed this life on the night on the first day of
+      October. Then was there heard a great clamour in the forests and in the
+      clouds, as if the loves had cried aloud, &ldquo;The great Noc is dead!&rdquo; in
+      imitation of the pagan gods who, at the coming of the Saviour of men, fled
+      into the skies, saying, &ldquo;the great Pan is slain!&rdquo; A cry which was heard by
+      some persons navigating the Eubean Sea, and preserved by a Father of the
+      Church.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Madame Imperia died without being spoiled in shape, so much had God made
+      her the irreproachable model of a woman. She had, it was said, a
+      magnificent tint upon her flesh, caused by the proximity of the flaming
+      wings of Pleasure, who cried and groaned over her corpse. Her husband
+      mourned for her most bitterly, never suspecting that she had died to
+      deliver him from a childless wife, for the doctor who embalmed her said
+      not a word concerning the cause of her death. This great sacrifice was
+      discovered six years after marriage of l&rsquo;Ile Adam with Mademoiselle de
+      Montmorency, because she told him all about the visit of Madame Imperia.
+      The poor gentleman immediately fell into a state of great melancholy and
+      finished by dying, being unable to banish the remembrance of those joys of
+      love which it was beyond the power of a novice to restore to him; thereby
+      did he prove the truth of that which was said at that time, that this
+      woman would never die in a heart where she had once reigned.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This teaches us that virtue is well understood by those who have practised
+      vice; for among the most modest women few would thus have sacrificed life,
+      in whatever high state of religion you look for them.
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      EPILOGUE
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      Oh! mad little one, thou whose business it is to make the house merry,
+      again hast thou been wallowing, in spite of a thousand prohibitions, in
+      that slough of melancholy, whence thou hast already fished out Bertha, and
+      come back with thy tresses dishevelled, like a girl who has been
+      ill-treated by a regiment of soldiers! Where are thy golden aiglets and
+      bells, thy filigree flowers of fantastic design? Where hast thou left thy
+      crimson head-dress, ornamented with precious gewgaws that cost a minot of
+      pearls?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Why spoil with pernicious tears thy black eyes, so pleasant when therein
+      sparkles the wit of a tale, that popes pardon thee thy sayings for the
+      sake of thy merry laughter, feel their souls caught between the ivory of
+      thy teeth, have their hearts drawn by the rose point of thy sweet tongue,
+      and would barter the holy slipper for a hundred of the smiles that hover
+      round thy vermillion lips? Laughing lassie, if thou wouldst remain always
+      fresh and young, weep no more; think of riding the brideless fleas, of
+      bridling with the golden clouds thy chameleon chimeras, of metamorphosing
+      the realities of life into figures clothed with the rainbow, caparisoned
+      with roseate dreams, and mantled with wings blue as the eyes of the
+      partridge. By the Body and the Blood, by the Censer and the Seal, by the
+      Book and the Sword, by the Rag and the Gold, by the Sound and the Colour,
+      if thou does but return once into that hovel of elegies where eunuchs find
+      ugly women for imbecile sultans, I&rsquo;ll curse thee; I&rsquo;ll rave at thee; I&rsquo;ll
+      make thee fast from roguery and love; I&rsquo;ll—
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Phist! Here she is astride a sunbeam with a volume that is ready to burst
+      with merry meteors! She plays in their prisms, tearing about so madly, so
+      wildly, so boldly, so contrary to good sense, so contrary to good manners,
+      so contrary to everything, that one has to touch her with long feathers,
+      to follow her siren&rsquo;s tail in the golden facets which trifle among the
+      artifices of these new pearls of laughter. Ye gods! but she is sporting
+      herself in them like a hundred schoolboys in a hedge full of blackberries,
+      after vespers. To the devil with the magister! The volume is finished! Out
+      upon work! What ho! my jovial friends; this way! friends; this way!
+    </p>
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:35%;">
+      <img src="images/545s.jpg" alt="545s " width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h4>
+      <a href="images/545.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a
+      href="images/545m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a>
+    </h4>
+    <div style="height: 6em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+
+
+
+
+
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@@ -0,0 +1,17552 @@
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Droll Stories, Complete, by Honore de Balzac
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Droll Stories, Complete
+       Collected From The Abbeys Of Touraine
+
+Author: Honore de Balzac
+
+Release Date: August 23, 2004 [EBook #13260]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DROLL STORIES, COMPLETE ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by John Bickers, Ian Hodgson, Dagny and Emma Dudding
+
+
+
+
+                           DROLL STORIES
+
+               COLLECTED FROM THE ABBEYS OF TOURAINE
+
+                                 BY
+
+                          HONORE DE BALZAC
+
+
+
+
+                         TRANSLATORS PREFACE
+
+When, in March, 1832, the first volume of the now famous _Contes
+Drolatiques_ was published by Gosselin of Paris, Balzac, in a short
+preface, written in the publisher's name, replied to those attacks
+which he anticipated certain critics would make upon his hardy
+experiment. He claimed for his book the protection of all those to
+whom literature was dear, because it was a work of art--and a work of
+art, in the highest sense of the word, it undoubtedly is. Like
+Boccaccio, Rabelais, the Queen of Navarre, Ariosto, and Verville, the
+great author of _The Human Comedy_ has painted an epoch. In the fresh
+and wonderful language of the Merry Vicar Of Meudon, he has given us a
+marvellous picture of French life and manners in the sixteenth
+century. The gallant knights and merry dames of that eventful period
+of French history stand out in bold relief upon his canvas. The
+background in these life-like figures is, as it were, "sketched upon
+the spot." After reading the _Contes Drolatiques_, one could almost find
+one's way about the towns and villages of Touraine, unassisted by map
+or guide. Not only is this book a work of art from its historical
+information and topographical accuracy; its claims to that distinction
+rest upon a broader foundation. Written in the nineteenth century in
+imitation of the style of the sixteenth, it is a triumph of literary
+archaeology. It is a model of that which it professes to imitate; the
+production of a writer who, to accomplish it, must have been at once
+historian, linguist, philosopher, archaeologist, and anatomist, and
+each in no ordinary degree. In France, his work has long been regarded
+as a classic--as a faithful picture of the last days of the moyen age,
+when kings and princesses, brave gentlemen and haughty ladies laughed
+openly at stories and jokes which are considered disgraceful by their
+more fastidious descendants. In England the difficulties of the
+language employed, and the quaintness and peculiarity of its style,
+have placed it beyond the reach of all but those thoroughly acquainted
+with the French of the sixteenth century. Taking into consideration
+the vast amount of historical information enshrined in its pages, the
+archaeological value which it must always possess for the student, and
+the dramatic interest of its stories, the translator has thought that
+an English edition of Balzac's chef-d'oeuvre would be acceptable to
+many. It has, of course, been impossible to reproduce in all its
+vigour and freshness the language of the original. Many of the quips
+and cranks and puns have been lost in the process of Anglicising.
+These unavoidable blemishes apart, the writer ventures to hope that he
+has treated this great masterpiece in a reverent spirit, touched it
+with no sacrilegious hand, but, on the contrary, given as close a
+translation as the dissimilarities of the two languages permit. With
+this idea, no attempt had been made to polish or round many of the
+awkwardly constructed sentences which are characteristic of this
+volume. Rough, and occasionally obscure, they are far more in keeping
+with the spirit of the original than the polished periods of modern
+romance. Taking into consideration the many difficulties which he has
+had to overcome, and which those best acquainted with the French
+edition will best appreciate, the translator claims the indulgence of
+the critical reader for any shortcomings he may discover. The best
+plea that can be offered for such indulgence is the fact that,
+although _Les Contes Drolatiques_ was completed and published in 1837,
+the present is the first English version ever brought before the
+public.
+
+London, January, 1874
+
+
+
+
+                              VOLUME I
+                        THE FIRST TEN TALES
+
+
+
+                              CONTENTS
+
+PROLOGUE
+THE FAIR IMPERIA
+THE VENIAL SIN
+   HOW THE GOOD MAN BRUYN TOOK A WIFE
+   HOW THE SENESCHAL STRUGGLED WITH HIS WIFE'S MODESTY
+   THAT WHICH IS ONLY A VENIAL SIN
+   HOW AND BY WHOM THE SAID CHILD WAS PROCURED
+   HOW THE SAID LOVE-SIN WAS REPENTED OF AND LED TO GREAT MOURNING
+THE KING'S SWEETHEART
+THE DEVIL'S HEIR
+THE MERRIE JESTS OF KING LOUIS THE ELEVENTH
+THE HIGH CONSTABLE'S WIFE
+THE MAID OF THILOUSE
+THE BROTHER-IN-ARMS
+THE VICAR OF AZAY-LE-RIDEAU
+THE REPROACH
+EPILOGUE
+
+
+
+                              PROLOGUE
+
+This is a book of the highest flavour, full of right hearty merriment,
+spiced to the palate of the illustrious and very precious tosspots and
+drinkers, to whom our worthy compatriot, Francois Rabelais, the
+eternal honour of Touraine, addressed himself. Be it nevertheless
+understood, the author has no other desire than to be a good
+Touranian, and joyfully to chronicle the merry doings of the famous
+people of this sweet and productive land, more fertile in cuckolds,
+dandies and witty wags than any other, and which has furnished a good
+share of men of renown in France, as witness the departed Courier of
+piquant memory; Verville, author of _Moyen de Parvenir_, and others
+equally well known, among whom we will specially mention the Sieur
+Descartes, because he was a melancholy genius, and devoted himself
+more to brown studies than to drinks and dainties, a man of whom all
+the cooks and confectioners of Tours have a wise horror, whom they
+despise, and will not hear spoken of, and say, "Where does he live?"
+if his name is mentioned. Now this work is the production of the
+joyous leisure of good old monks, of whom there are many vestiges
+scattered about the country, at Grenadiere-les-St.-Cyr, in the village
+of Sacche-les-Azay-le-Rideau, at Marmoustiers, Veretz, Roche-Cobon,
+and the certain storehouses of good stories, which storehouses are the
+upper stories of old canons and wise dames, who remember the good old
+days when they could enjoy a hearty laugh without looking to see if
+their hilarity disturbed the sit of your ruffle, as do the young women
+of the present day, who wish to take their pleasure gravely--a custom
+which suits our Gay France as much as a water jug would the head of a
+queen. Since laughter is a privilege granted to man alone, and he has
+sufficient causes for tears within his reach, without adding to them
+by books, I have considered it a thing most patriotic to publish a
+drachm of merriment for these times, when weariness falls like a fine
+rain, wetting us, soaking into us, and dissolving those ancient
+customs which make the people to reap public amusement from the
+Republic. But of those old pantagruelists who allowed God and the king
+to conduct their own affairs without putting of their finger in the
+pie oftener than they could help, being content to look on and laugh,
+there are very few left. They are dying out day by day in such manner
+that I fear greatly to see these illustrious fragments of the ancient
+breviary spat upon, staled upon, set at naught, dishonoured, and
+blamed, the which I should be loath to see, since I have and bear
+great respect for the refuse of our Gallic antiquities.
+
+Bear in mind also, ye wild critics, you scrapers-up of words, harpies
+who mangle the intentions and inventions of everyone, that as children
+only do we laugh, and as we travel onward laughter sinks down and dies
+out, like the light of the oil-lit lamp. This signifies, that to laugh
+you must be innocent, and pure of a heart, lacking which qualities you
+purse your lips, drop your jaws, and knit your brow, after the manner
+of men hiding vices and impurities. Take, then, this work as you would
+take a group of statue, certain features of which an artist could
+omit, and he would be the biggest of all big fools if he puts leaves
+upon them, seeing that these said works are not, any more than is this
+book, intended for nunneries. Nevertheless, I have taken care, much to
+my vexation, to weed from the manuscripts the old words, which, in
+spite of their age, were still strong, and which would have shocked
+the ears, astonished the eyes, reddened the cheeks and sullied the
+lips of trousered maidens, and Madame Virtue with three lovers; for
+certain things must be done to suit the vices of the age, and a
+periphrase is much more agreeable than the word. Indeed, we are old,
+and find long trifles, better than the short follies of our youth,
+because at that time our taste was better. Then spare me your
+slanders, and read this rather at night than in the daytime and give
+it not to young maidens, if there be any, because this book is
+inflammable. I will now rid you of myself. But I fear nothing from
+this book, since it is extracted from a high and splendid source, from
+which all that has issued has had a great success, as is amply proved
+by the royal orders of the Golden Fleece, of the Holy Ghost, of the
+Garter, of the Bath, and by many notable things which have been taken
+therefrom, under shelter of which I place myself.
+
+_Now make ye merry, my hearties, and gayly read with ease of body and
+rest of reins, and may a cancer carry you if you disown me after
+having read me._
+
+These words are those of our good Master Rabelais, before whom we must
+also stand, hat in hand, in token of reverence and honour to him,
+prince of all wisdom, and king of Comedy.
+
+
+
+                          THE FAIR IMPERIA
+
+The Archbishop of Bordeaux had added to his suite when going to the
+Council at Constance quite a good-looking little priest of Touraine
+whose ways and manner of speech was so charming that he passed for a
+son of La Soldee and the Governor. The Archbishop of Tours had
+willingly given him to his confrere for his journey to that town,
+because it was usual for archbishops to make each other presents, they
+well knowing how sharp are the itchings of theological palms. Thus
+this young priest came to the Council and was lodged in the
+establishment of his prelate, a man of good morals and great science.
+
+Philippe de Mala, as he was called, resolved to behave well and
+worthily to serve his protector, but he saw in this mysterious Council
+many men leading a dissolute life and yet not making less, nay
+--gaining more indulgences, gold crowns and benefices than all the
+other virtuous and well-behaved ones. Now during one night--dangerous
+to his virtue--the devil whispered into his ear that he should live
+more luxuriously, since every one sucked the breasts of our Holy Mother
+Church and yet they were not drained, a miracle which proved beyond
+doubt the existence of God. And the priest of Touraine did not
+disappoint the devil. He promised to feast himself, to eat his
+bellyful of roast meats and other German delicacies, when he could do
+so without paying for them as he was poor. As he remained quite
+continent (in which he followed the example of the poor old archbishop
+who sinned no longer because he was unable to, and passed for a
+saint,) he had to suffer from intolerable desires followed by fits of
+melancholy, since there were so many sweet courtesans, well developed,
+but cold to the poor people, who inhabited Constance, to enlighten the
+understanding of the Fathers of the Council. He was savage that he did
+not know how to make up to these gallant sirens, who snubbed
+cardinals, abbots, councillors, legates, bishops, princes and
+margraves just as if they have been penniless clerks. And in the
+evening, after prayers, he would practice speaking to them, teaching
+himself the breviary of love. He taught himself to answer all possible
+questions, but on the morrow if by chance he met one of the aforesaid
+princesses dressed out, seated in a litter and escorted by her proud
+and well-armed pages, he remained open-mouthed, like a dog in the act
+of catching flies, at the sight of sweet countenance that so much
+inflamed him. The secretary of a Monseigneur, a gentleman of Perigord,
+having clearly explained to him that the Fathers, procureurs, and
+auditors of the Rota bought by certain presents, not relics or
+indulgences, but jewels and gold, the favour of being familiar with
+the best of these pampered cats who lived under the protection of the
+lords of the Council; the poor Touranian, all simpleton and innocent
+as he was, treasured up under his mattress the money given him by the
+good archbishop for writings and copying--hoping one day to have
+enough just to see a cardinal's lady-love, and trusting to God for the
+rest. He was hairless from top to toe and resembled a man about as
+much as a goat with a night-dress on resembles a young lady, but
+prompted by his desires he wandered in the evenings through the
+streets of Constance, careless of his life, and, at the risk of having
+his body halberded by the soldiers, he peeped at the cardinals
+entering the houses of their sweethearts. Then he saw the wax-candles
+lighted in the houses and suddenly the doors and the windows closed.
+Then he heard the blessed abbots or others jumping about, drinking,
+enjoying themselves, love-making, singing _Alleluia_ and applauding the
+music with which they were being regaled. The kitchen performed
+miracles, the Offices said were fine rich pots-full, the Matins sweet
+little hams, the Vespers luscious mouthful, and the Lauhes delicate
+sweetmeats, and after their little carouses, these brave priests were
+silent, their pages diced upon the stairs, their mules stamped
+restively in the streets; everything went well--but faith and religion
+was there. That is how it came to pass the good man Huss was burned.
+And the reason? He put his finger in the pie without being asked. Then
+why was he a Huguenot before the others?
+
+To return, however to our sweet little Philippe, not unfrequently did
+he receive many a thump and hard blow, but the devil sustained him,
+inciting him to believe that sooner or later it would come to his turn
+to play the cardinal to some lovely dame. This ardent desire gave him
+the boldness of a stag in autumn, so much so that one evening he
+quietly tripped up the steps and into one of the first houses in
+Constance where often he had seen officers, seneschals, valets, and
+pages waiting with torches for their masters, dukes, kings, cardinals
+and archbishops.
+
+"Ah!" said he, "she must be very beautiful and amiable, this one."
+
+A soldier well armed allowed him to pass, believing him to belong to
+the suite of the Elector of Bavaria, who had just left, and that he
+was going to deliver a message on behalf of the above-mentioned
+nobleman. Philippe de Mala mounted the stairs as lightly as a
+greyhound in love, and was guided by delectable odour of perfume to
+certain chamber where, surrounded by her handmaidens, the lady of the
+house was divesting herself of her attire. He stood quite dumbfounded
+like a thief surprised by sergeants. The lady was without petticoat or
+head-dress. The chambermaid and the servants, busy taking off her
+stockings and undressing her, so quickly and dextrously had her
+stripped, that the priest, overcome, gave vent to a long Ah! which had
+the flavour of love about it.
+
+"What want _you_, little one?" said the lady to him.
+
+"To yield my soul to you," said he, flashing his eyes upon her.
+
+"You can come again to-morrow," said she, in order to be rid of him.
+
+To which Philippe replied, blushing, "I will not fail."
+
+Then she burst out laughing. Philippe, struck motionless, stood quite
+at his ease, letting wander over her his eyes that glowed and sparkled
+with the flame of love. What lovely thick hair hung upon her ivory
+white back, showing sweet white places, fair and shining between the
+many tresses! She had upon her snow-white brow a ruby circlet, less
+fertile in rays of fire than her black eyes, still moist with tears
+from her hearty laugh. She even threw her slipper at a statue gilded
+like a shrine, twisting herself about from very ribaldry and allowed
+her bare foot, smaller than a swan's bill, to be seen. This evening
+she was in a good humour, otherwise she would have had the little
+shaven-crop put out by the window without more ado than her first
+bishop.
+
+"He has fine eyes, Madame," said one of her handmaids.
+
+"Where does he comes from?" asked another.
+
+"Poor child!" cried Madame, "his mother must be looking for him. Show
+him his way home."
+
+The Touranian, still sensible, gave a movement of delight at the sight
+of the brocaded bed where the sweet form was about to repose. This
+glance, full of amorous intelligence, awoke the lady's fantasy, who,
+half laughing and half smitten, repeated "To-morrow," and dismissed
+him with a gesture which the Pope Jehan himself would have obeyed,
+especially as he was like a snail without a shell, since the Council
+had just deprived him of the holy keys.
+
+"Ah! Madame, there is another vow of chastity changed into an amorous
+desire," said one of her women; and the chuckles commenced again thick
+as hail.
+
+Philippe went his way, bumping his head against a wall like a hooded
+rook as he was. So giddy had he become at the sight of this creature,
+even more enticing than a siren rising from the water. He noticed the
+animals carved over the door and returned to the house of the
+archbishop with his head full of diabolical longings and his entrails
+sophisticated.
+
+Once in his little room he counted his coins all night long, but could
+make no more than four of them; and as that was all his treasure, he
+counted upon satisfying the fair one by giving her all he had in the
+world.
+
+"What is it ails you?" said the good archbishop, uneasy at the groans
+and "oh! ohs!" of his clerk.
+
+"Ah! my Lord," answered the poor priest, "I am wondering how it is
+that so light and sweet a woman can weigh so heavily upon my heart."
+
+"Which one?" said the archbishop, putting down his breviary which he
+was reading for others--the good man.
+
+"Oh! Mother of God! You will scold me, I know, my good master, my
+protector, because I have seen the lady of a cardinal at the least,
+and I am weeping because I lack more than one crown to enable me to
+convert her."
+
+The archbishop, knitting the circumflex accent that he had above his
+nose, said not a word. Then the very humble priest trembled in his
+skin to have confessed so much to his superior. But the holy man
+directly said to him, "She must be very dear then--"
+
+"Ah!" said he, "she has swallowed many a mitre and stolen many a
+cross."
+
+"Well, Philippe, if thou will renounce her, I will present thee with
+thirty angels from the poor-box."
+
+"Ah! my lord, I should be losing too much," replied the lad,
+emboldened by the treat he promised himself.
+
+"Ah! Philippe," said the good prelate, "thou wilt then go to the devil
+and displease God, like all our cardinals," and the master, with
+sorrow, began to pray St. Gatien, the patron saint of Innocents, to
+save his servant. He made him kneel down beside him, telling him to
+recommend himself also to St. Philippe, but the wretched priest
+implored the saint beneath his breath to prevent him from failing if
+on the morrow that the lady should receive him kindly and mercifully;
+and the good archbishop, observing the fervour of his servant, cried
+out him, "Courage little one, and Heaven will exorcise thee."
+
+On the morrow, while Monsieur was declaiming at the Council against
+the shameless behaviour of the apostles of Christianity, Philippe de
+Mala spent his angels--acquired with so much labour--in perfumes,
+baths, fomentations, and other fooleries. He played the fop so well,
+one would have thought him the fancy cavalier of a gay lady. He
+wandered about the town in order to find the residence of his heart's
+queen; and when he asked the passers-by to whom belonged the aforesaid
+house, they laughed in his face, saying--
+
+"Whence comes this precious fellow that has not heard of La Belle
+Imperia?"
+
+He was very much afraid he and his angels were gone to the devil when
+he heard the name, and knew into what a nice mess he had voluntarily
+fallen.
+
+Imperia was the most precious, the most fantastic girl in the world,
+although she passed for the most dazzling and the beautiful, and the
+one who best understood the art of bamboozling cardinals and softening
+the hardiest soldiers and oppressors of the people. She had brave
+captains, archers, and nobles, ready to serve her at every turn. She
+had only to breathe a word, and the business of anyone who had
+offended her was settled. A free fight only brought a smile to her
+lips, and often the Sire de Baudricourt--one of the King's Captains
+--would ask her if there were any one he could kill for her that day
+--a little joke at the expense of the abbots. With the exception of the
+potentates among the high clergy with whom Madame Imperia managed to
+accommodate her little tempers, she ruled everyone with a high hand in
+virtue of her pretty babble and enchanting ways, which enthralled the
+most virtuous and the most unimpressionable. Thus she lived beloved
+and respected, quite as much as the real ladies and princesses, and
+was called Madame, concerning which the good Emperor Sigismund replied
+to a lady who complained of it to him, "That they, the good ladies,
+might keep to their own proper way and holy virtues, and Madame
+Imperia to the sweet naughtiness of the goddess Venus"--Christian
+words which shocked the good ladies, to their credit be it said.
+
+Philippe, then thinking over it in his mind that which on the
+preceding evening he had seen with his eyes, doubted if more did not
+remain behind. Then was he sad, and without taking bite or sup,
+strolled about the town waiting the appointed hour, although he was
+well-favoured and gallant enough to find others less difficult to
+overcome than was Madame Imperia.
+
+The night came; the little Touranian, exalted with pride caparisoned
+with desire, and spurred by his "alacks" and "alases" which nearly
+choked him, glided like an eel into the domicile of the veritable
+Queen of the Council--for before her bowed humbly all the authority,
+science, and wisdom of Christianity. The major domo did not know him,
+and was going to bundle him out again, when one of the chamber-women
+called him from the top of the stairs--"Eh, M. Imbert, it is Madame's
+young fellow," and poor Philippe, blushing like a wedding night, ran
+up the stairs, shaking with happiness and delight. The servant took
+him by the hand and led into the chamber where sat Madame, lightly
+attired like a brave woman who awaits her conqueror.
+
+The dazzling Imperia was seated near a table covered with a shaggy
+cloth ornamented with gold, and with all the requisites for a dainty
+carouse. Flagons of wine, various drinking glasses, bottles of the
+hippocras, flasks full of good wine of Cyprus, pretty boxes full of
+spices, roast peacocks, green sauces, little salt hams--all that would
+gladden the eyes of the gallant if he had not so madly loved Madame
+Imperia.
+
+She saw well that the eyes of the young priest were all for her.
+Although accustomed to the curl-paper devotion of the churchmen, she
+was well satisfied that she had made a conquest of the young priest
+who all day long had been in her head.
+
+The windows had been closed; Madame was decked out in a manner fit to
+do honours to a prince of the Empire. Then the rogue, beatified by the
+holy beauty of Imperia, knew that Emperor, burgraf, nay, even a
+cardinal about to be elected pope, would willingly for that night have
+changed places with him, a little priest who, beneath his gown, had
+only the devil and love.
+
+He put on a lordly air, and saluted her with a courtesy by no means
+ungraceful; and then the sweet lady said to him, regaling with a
+piercing glance--
+
+"Come and sit close to me, that I may see if you have altered since
+yesterday."
+
+"Oh yes," said he.
+
+"And how?" said she.
+
+"Yesterday," replied the artful fellow, "I loved you; today, we love
+each other, and from a poor sinner I have become richer than a king."
+
+"Oh, little one, little one!" cried she, merrily; "yes, you are indeed
+changed, for from a young priest I see well you have turned into an
+old devil."
+
+And side by side they sat down before a large fire, which helped to
+spread their ecstasy around. They remained always ready to begin
+eating, seeing that they only thought of gazing into each other's
+eyes, and never touched a dish. Just as they were beginning to feel
+comfortable and at their ease, there came a great noise at Madame's
+door, as if people were beating against it, and crying out.
+
+"Madame," cried the little servant hastily, "here's another of them."
+
+"Who is it?" cried she in a haughty manner, like a tyrant, savage at
+being interrupted.
+
+"The Bishop of Coire wishes to speak with you."
+
+"May the devil take him!" said she, looking at Philippe gently.
+
+"Madame he has seen the light through the chinks, and is making a
+great noise."
+
+"Tell him I have the fever, and you will be telling him no lie, for I
+am ill of this little priest who is torturing my brain."
+
+But just as she had finished speaking, and was pressing with devotion
+the hand of Philippe who trembled in his skin, appeared the fat Bishop
+of Coire, indignant and angry. The officers followed him, bearing a
+trout canonically dressed, fresh from the Rhine, and shining in a
+golden platter, and spices contained in little ornamental boxes, and a
+thousand dainties, such as liqueurs and jams, made by the holy nuns at
+his Abbey.
+
+"Ah, ah!" said he, with his deep voice, "I haven't time to go to the
+devil, but you must give me a touch of him in advance, eh! my little
+one."
+
+"Your belly will one day make a nice sheath for a sword," replied she,
+knitting her brows above her eyes, which from being soft and gentle
+had become mischievous enough to make one tremble.
+
+"And this little chorus singer is here to offer that?" said the
+bishop, insolently turning his great rubicund face towards Philippe.
+
+"Monseigneur, I'm here to confess Madame."
+
+"Oh, oh, do you not know the canons? To confess the ladies at this
+time of night is a right reserved to bishops, so take yourself off; go
+and herd with simple monks, and never come back here again under pain
+of excommunication."
+
+"Do not move," cried the blushing Imperia, more lovely with passion
+than she was with love, because now she was possessed both with
+passion and love. "Stop, my friend. Here you are in your own house."
+Then he knew that he was really loved by her.
+
+"It is it not in the breviary, and an evangelical regulation, that you
+should be equal with God in the valley of Jehoshaphat?" asked she of
+the bishop.
+
+"'Tis is an invention of the devil, who has adulterated the holy
+book," replied the great numskull of a bishop in a hurry to fall to.
+
+"Well then, be equal now before me, who am here below your goddess,"
+replied Imperia, "otherwise one of these days I will have you
+delicately strangled between the head and shoulders; I swear it by the
+power of my tonsure which is as good as the pope's." And wishing that
+the trout should be added to the feast as well as the sweets and other
+dainties, she added, cunningly, "Sit you down and drink with us." But
+the artful minx, being up to a trick or two, gave the little one a
+wink which told him plainly not to mind the German, whom she would
+soon find a means to be rid of.
+
+The servant-maid seated the Bishop at the table, and tucked him up,
+while Philippe, wild with rage that closed his mouth, because he saw
+his plans ending in smoke, gave the archbishop to more devils than
+ever were monks alive. Thus they got halfway through the repast, which
+the young priest had not yet touched, hungering only for Imperia, near
+whom he was already seated, but speaking that sweet language which the
+ladies so well understand, that has neither stops, commas, accents,
+letters, figures, characters, notes, nor images. The fat bishop,
+sensual and careful enough of the sleek, ecclesiastical garment of
+skin for which he was indebted to his late mother, allowed himself to
+be plentifully served with hippocras by the delicate hand of Madame,
+and it was just at his first hiccough that the sound of an approaching
+cavalcade was heard in the street. The number of horses, the "Ho, ho!"
+of the pages, showed plainly that some great prince hot with love, was
+about to arrive. In fact, a moment afterwards the Cardinal of Ragusa,
+against whom the servants of Imperia had not dared to bar the door,
+entered the room. At this terrible sight the poor courtesan and her
+young lover became ashamed and embarrassed, like fresh cured lepers;
+for it would be tempting the devil to try and oust the cardinal, the
+more so as at that time it was not known who would be pope, three
+aspirants having resigned their hoods for the benefit of Christianity.
+The cardinal, who was a cunning Italian, long bearded, a great
+sophist, and the life and soul of the Council, guessed, by the
+feeblest exercise of the faculties of his understanding, the alpha and
+omega of the adventure. He only had to weigh in his mind one little
+thought before he knew how to proceed in order to be able to
+hypothecate his manly vigour. He arrived with the appetite of a hungry
+monk, and to obtain its satisfaction he was just the man to stab two
+monks and sell his bit of the true cross, which were wrong.
+
+"Hulloa! friend," said he to Philippe, calling him towards him. The
+poor Tourainian, more dead than alive, and expecting the devil was
+about to interfere seriously with his arrangements, rose and said,
+"What is it?" to the redoubtable cardinal.
+
+He taking him by the arm led him to the staircase, looked him in the
+white of the eye and said without any nonsense--"Ventredieu! You are a
+nice little fellow, and I should not like to have to let your master
+know the weight of your carcass. My revenge might cause me certain
+pious expenses in my old age, so choose to espouse an abbey for the
+remainder of your days, or to marry Madame to-night and die tomorrow."
+
+The poor little Tourainian in despair murmured, "May I come back when
+your passion is over?"
+
+The cardinal could scarcely keep his countenance, but he said sternly,
+"Choose the gallows or a mitre."
+
+"Ah!" said the priest, maliciously; "a good fat abbey."
+
+Thereupon the cardinal went back into the room, opened an escritoire,
+and scribbled upon a piece of parchment an order to the envoy of
+France.
+
+"Monseigneur," said the Tourainian to him while he was spelling out
+the order, "you will not get rid of the Bishop of Coire so easily as
+you have got rid of me, for he has as many abbeys as the soldiers have
+drinking shops in the town; besides, he is in the favour of his lord.
+Now I fancy to show you my gratitude for this so fine Abbey I owe you
+good piece of advice. You know how fatal has been and how rapidly
+spread this terrible pestilence which has cruelly harassed Paris. Tell
+him that you have just left the bedside of your old friend the
+Archbishop of Bordeaux; thus you will make him scutter away like straw
+before a whirl-wind.
+
+"Oh, oh!" cried the cardinal, "thou meritest more than an abbey. Ah,
+Ventredieu! my young friend, here are 100 golden crowns for thy
+journey to the Abbey of Turpenay, which I won yesterday at cards, and
+of which I make you a free gift."
+
+Hearing these words, and seeing Philippe de Mala disappear without
+giving her the amorous glances she expected, the beautiful Imperia,
+puffing like a dolphin, denounced all the cowardice of the priest. She
+was not then a sufficiently good Catholic to pardon her lover
+deceiving her, by not knowing how to die for her pleasure. Thus the
+death of Philippe was foreshadowed in the viper's glance she cast at
+him to insult him, which glance pleased the cardinal much, for the
+wily Italian saw he would soon get his abbey back again. The
+Touranian, heeding not the brewing storm avoided it by walking out
+silently with his ears down, like a wet dog being kicked out of a
+Church. Madame drew a sigh from her heart. She must have had her own
+ideas of humanity for the little value she held in it. The fire which
+possessed her had mounted to her head, and scintillated in rays about
+her, and there was good reason for it, for this was the first time
+that she had been humbugged by priest. Then the cardinal smiled,
+believing it was all to his advantage: was not he a cunning fellow?
+Yes, he was the possessor of a red hat.
+
+"Ah, ah! my friend," said he to the Bishop, "I congratulate myself on
+being in your company, and I am glad to have been able to get rid of
+that little wretch unworthy of Madame, the more so as if you had gone
+near him, my lovely and amiable creature, you would have perished
+miserably through the deed of a simple priest."
+
+"Ah! How?"
+
+"He is the secretary of the Archbishop of Bordeaux. The good man was
+seized this morning with the pestilence."
+
+The bishop opened his mouth wide enough to swallow a Dutch cheese.
+
+"How do you know that?" asked he.
+
+"Ah!" said the cardinal, taking the good German's hand, "I have just
+administered to him, and consoled him; at this moment the holy man has
+a fair wind to waft him to paradise."
+
+The Bishop of Coire demonstrated immediately how light fat man are;
+for when men are big-bellied, a merciful providence, in the
+consideration of their works, often makes their internal tubes as
+elastic as balloons. The aforesaid bishop sprang backwards with one
+bound, burst into a perspiration and coughed like a cow who finds
+feathers mixed with her hay. Then becoming suddenly pale, he rushed
+down the stairs without even bidding Madame adieu. When the door had
+closed upon the bishop, and he was fairly in the street, the Cardinal
+of Ragusa began laughing fit to split his sides.
+
+"Ah! my fair one, am I not worthy to be Pope, and better than that,
+thy lover this evening?"
+
+But seeing Imperia thoughtful he approached her to take her in his
+arms, and pet her after the usual fashion of cardinals, men who
+embrace better than all others, even the soldiers, because they are
+lazy, and do not spare their essential properties.
+
+"Ha!" said she, drawing back, "you wish to cause my death, you
+ecclesiastical idiot. The principal thing for you is to enjoy
+yourself; my sweet carcass, a thing accessory. Your pleasure will be
+my death, and then you'll canonise me perhaps? Ah, you have the
+plague, and you would give it to me. Go somewhere else, you brainless
+priest. Ah! touch me not," said she, seeing him about to advance, "or
+I will stab you with this dagger."
+
+And the clever hussy drew from her armoire a little dagger, which she
+knew how to use with great skill when necessary.
+
+"But my little paradise, my sweet one," said the other, laughing,
+"don't you see the trick? Wasn't it necessary to be get rid of that
+old bullock of Coire?"
+
+"Well then, if you love me, show it" replied she. "I desire that you
+leave me instantly. If you are touched with the disease my death will
+not worry you. I know you well enough to know at what price you will
+put a moment of pleasure at your last hour. You would drown the earth.
+Ah, ah! you have boasted of it when drunk. I love only myself, my
+treasures, and my health. Go, and if tomorrow your veins are not
+frozen by the disease, you can come again. Today, I hate you, good
+cardinal," said she, smiling.
+
+"Imperia!" cried the cardinal on his knees, "my blessed Imperia, do
+not play with me thus."
+
+"No," said she, "I never play with blessed and sacred things."
+
+"Ah! ribald woman, I will excommunicate thee tomorrow."
+
+"And now you are out of your cardinal sense."
+
+"Imperia, cursed daughter of Satan! Oh, my little beauty--my love--!"
+
+"Respect yourself more. Don't kneel to me, fie for shame!"
+
+"Wilt thou have a dispensation in articulo mortis? Wilt thou have my
+fortune--or better still, a bit of the veritable true Cross?--Wilt
+thou?"
+
+"This evening, all the wealth of heaven above and earth beneath would
+not buy my heart," said she, laughing. "I should be the blackest of
+sinners, unworthy to receive the Blessed Sacrament if I had not my
+little caprices."
+
+"I'll burn the house down. Sorceress, you have bewitched me. You shall
+perish at the stake. Listen to me, my love,--my gentle Dove--I promise
+you the best place in heaven. Eh? No. Death to you then--death to the
+sorceress."
+
+"Oh, oh! I will kill you, Monseigneur."
+
+And the cardinal foamed with rage.
+
+"You are making a fool of yourself," said she. "Go away, you'll tire
+yourself."
+
+"I shall be pope, and you shall pay for this!"
+
+"Then you are no longer disposed to obey me?"
+
+"What can I do this evening to please you?"
+
+"Get out."
+
+And she sprang lightly like a wagtail into her room, and locked
+herself in, leaving the cardinal to storm that he was obliged to go.
+When the fair Imperia found herself alone, seated before the fire, and
+without her little priest, she exclaimed, snapping angrily the gold
+links of her chain, "By the double triple horn on the devil, if the
+little one has made me have this row with the Cardinal, and exposed me
+to the danger of being poisoned tomorrow, unless I pay him over to my
+heart's content, I will not die till I have seen him burned alive
+before my eyes. Ah!" said she, weeping, this time real tears, "I lead
+a most unhappy life, and the little pleasure I have costs me the life
+of a dog, let alone my salvation."
+
+As she finished this jeremiad, wailing like a calf that is being
+slaughtered, she beheld the blushing face of the young priest, who had
+hidden himself, peeping at her from behind her large Venetian mirror.
+
+"Ah!" said she, "Thou art the most perfect monk that ever dwelt in
+this blessed and amorous town of Constance. Ah, ah! Come my gentle
+cavalier, my dear boy, my little charm, my paradise of delectation,
+let me drink thine eyes, eat thee, kill thee with my love. Oh! my
+ever-flourishing, ever-green, sempiternal god; from a little monk I
+would make a king, emperor, pope, and happier than either. There, thou
+canst put anything to fire and sword, I am thine, and thou shalt see
+it well; for thou shalt be all a cardinal, even when to redden thy
+hood I shed all my heart's blood." And with her trembling hands all
+joyously she filled with Greek wine the golden cup, brought by the
+Bishop of Coire, and presented it to her sweetheart, whom she served
+upon her knee, she whose slipper princes found more to their taste
+than that of the pope.
+
+But he gazed at her in silence, with his eye so lustrous with love,
+that she said to him, trembling with joy "Ah! be quiet, little one.
+Let us have supper."
+
+
+
+                           THE VENIAL SIN
+
+
+HOW THE GOOD MAN BRUYN TOOK A WIFE.
+
+Messire Bruyn, he who completed the Castle of Roche-Corbon-les-Vouvray,
+on the banks of the Loire, was a boisterous fellow in his
+youth. When quite little, he squeezed young ladies, turned the house
+out of windows, and played the devil with everything, when he was
+called upon to put his Sire the Baron of Roche-Corbon some few feet
+under the turf. Then he was his own master, free to lead a life of
+wild dissipation, and indeed he worked very hard to get a surfeit of
+enjoyment. Now by making his crowns sweat and his goods scarce,
+draining his land, and a bleeding his hogsheads, and regaling frail
+beauties, he found himself excommunicated from decent society, and had
+for his friends only the plunderers of towns and the Lombardians. But
+the usurers turned rough and bitter as chestnut husks, when he had no
+other security to give them than his said estate of Roche-Corbon,
+since the Rupes Carbonis was held from our Lord the king. Then Bruyn
+found himself just in the humour to give a blow here and there, to
+break a collar-bone or two, and quarrel with everyone about trifles.
+Seeing which, the Abbot of Marmoustiers, his neighbour, and a man
+liberal with his advice, told him that it was an evident sign of
+lordly perfection, that he was walking in the right road, but if he
+would go and slaughter, to the great glory of God, the Mahommedans who
+defiled the Holy Land, it would be better still, and that he would
+undoubtedly return full of wealth and indulgences into Touraine, or
+into Paradise, whence all barons formerly came.
+
+The said Bruyn, admiring the great sense of the prelate, left the
+country equipped by the monastery, and blessed by the abbot, to the
+great delight of his friends and neighbours. Then he put to the sack
+enough many towns of Asia and Africa, and fell upon the infidels
+without giving them warning, burning the Saracens, the Greeks, the
+English, and others, caring little whether they were friends or
+enemies, or where they came from, since among his merits he had that
+of being in no way curious, and he never questioned them until after
+he had killed them. At this business, agreeable to God, to the King
+and to himself, Bruyn gained renown as a good Christian and loyal
+knight, and enjoyed himself thoroughly in these lands beyond the seas,
+since he more willingly gave a crown to the girls than to the poor,
+although he met many more poor people than perfect maids; but like a
+good Touranian he made soup of anything. At length, when he was
+satiated with the Turks, relics, and other blessings of the Holy Land,
+Bruyn, to the great astonishment of the people of Vouvrillons,
+returned from the Crusades laden with crowns and precious stones;
+rather differently from some who, rich when they set out, came back
+heavy with leprosy, but light with gold. On his return from Tunis, our
+Lord, King Philippe, made him a Count, and appointed him his seneschal
+in our country and that of Poitou. There he was greatly beloved and
+properly thought well of, since over and above his good qualities he
+founded the Church of the Carmes-Deschaulx, in the parish of
+Egrignolles, as the peace-offering to Heaven for the follies of his
+youth. Thus was he cardinally consigned to the good graces of the
+Church and of God. From a wicked youth and reckless man, he became a
+good, wise man, and discreet in his dissipations and pleasures; rarely
+was in anger, unless someone blasphemed God before him, the which he
+would not tolerate because he had blasphemed enough for every one in
+his wild youth. In short, he never quarrelled, because, being
+seneschal, people gave up to him instantly. It is true that he at that
+time beheld all his desires accomplished, the which would render even
+an imp of Satan calm and tranquil from his horns to his heels. And
+besides this he possessed a castle all jagged at the corners, and
+shaped and pointed like a Spanish doublet, situated upon a bank from
+which it was reflected in the Loire. In the rooms were royal
+tapestries, furniture, Saracen pomps, vanities, and inventions which
+were much admired by people of Tours, and even by the archbishop and
+clerks of St. Martin, to whom he sent as a free gift a banner fringed
+with fine gold. In the neighbourhood of the said castle abounded fair
+domains, wind-mills, and forests, yielding a harvest of rents of all
+kinds, so that he was one of the strongest knights-banneret of the
+province, and could easily have led to battle for our lord the king a
+thousand men. In his old days, if by chance his bailiff, a diligent
+man at hanging, brought before him a poor peasant suspected of some
+offence, he would say, smiling--
+
+"Let this one go, Brediff, he will count against those I
+inconsiderately slaughtered across the seas"; oftentimes, however, he
+would let them bravely hang on a chestnut tree or swing on his
+gallows, but this was solely that justice might be done, and that the
+custom should not lapse in his domain. Thus the people on his lands
+were good and orderly, like fresh veiled nuns, and peaceful since he
+protected them from the robbers and vagabonds whom he never spared,
+knowing by experience how much mischief is caused by these cursed
+beasts of prey. For the rest, most devout, finishing everything
+quickly, his prayers as well as good wine, he managed the processes
+after the Turkish fashion, having a thousand little jokes ready for
+the losers, and dining with them to console them. He had all the
+people who had been hanged buried in consecrated ground like godly
+ones, some people thinking they had been sufficiently punished by
+having their breath stopped. He only persecuted the Jews now and then,
+and when they were glutted with usury and wealth. He let them gather
+their spoil as the bees do honey, saying that they were the best of
+tax-gatherers. And never did he despoil them save for the profit and
+use of the churchmen, the king, the province, or himself.
+
+This jovial way gained for him the affection and esteem of every one,
+great and small. If he came back smiling from his judicial throne, the
+Abbot of Marmoustiers, an old man like himself, would say, "Ho, ha!
+messire, there is some hanging on since you laugh thus!" And when
+coming from Roche-Corbon to Tours he passed on horseback along the
+Fauborg St. Symphorien, the little girls would say, "Ah! this is the
+justice day, there is the good man Bruyn," and without being afraid
+they would look at him astride on a big white hack, that he had
+brought back with him from the Levant. On the bridge the little boys
+would stop playing with the ball, and would call out, "Good day, Mr.
+Seneschal" and he would reply, jokingly, "Enjoy yourselves, my
+children, until you get whipped." "Yes, Mr. Seneschal."
+
+Also he made the country so contented and so free from robbers that
+during the year of the great over-flowing of the Loire there were only
+twenty-two malefactors hanged that winter, not counting a Jew burned
+in the Commune of Chateau-Neuf for having stolen a consecrated wafer,
+or bought it, some said, for he was very rich.
+
+One day, in the following year about harvest time, or mowing time, as
+we say in Touraine, there came Egyptians, Bohemians, and other
+wandering troupes who stole the holy things from the Church of St.
+Martin, and in the place and exact situation of Madam the Virgin, left
+by way of insult and mockery to our Holy Faith, an abandoned pretty
+little girl, about the age of an old dog, stark naked, an acrobat, and
+of Moorish descent like themselves. For this almost nameless crime it
+was equally decided by the king, people, and the churchmen that the
+Mooress, to pay for all, should be burned and cooked alive in the
+square near the fountain where the herb market is. Then the good man
+Bruyn clearly and dextrously demonstrated to the others that it would
+be a thing most profitable and pleasant to God to gain over this
+African soul to the true religion, and if the devil were lodged in
+this feminine body the faggots would be useless to burn him, as said
+the said order. To which the archbishop sagely thought most canonical
+and conformable to Christian charity and the gospel. The ladies of the
+town and other persons of authority said loudly that they were cheated
+of a fine ceremony, since the Mooress was crying her eyes out in the
+jail and would certainly be converted to God in order to live as long
+as a crow, if she were allowed to do so, to which the seneschal
+replied that if the foreigner would wholly commit herself to the
+Christian religion there would be a gallant ceremony of another kind,
+and that he would undertake that it should be royally magnificent,
+because he would be her sponsor at the baptismal font, and that a
+virgin should be his partner in the affair in order the better to
+please the Almighty, while himself was reputed never to have lost the
+bloom or innocence, in fact to be a coquebin. In our country of
+Touraine thus are called the young virgin men, unmarried or so
+esteemed to distinguish them from the husbands and the widowers, but
+the girls always pick them without the name, because they are more
+light-hearted and merry than those seasoned in marriage.
+
+The young Mooress did not hesitate between the flaming faggots and the
+baptismal water. She much preferred to be a Christian and live than be
+Egyptian and be burned; thus to escape a moment's baking, her heart
+would burn unquenched through all her life, since for the greater
+surety of her religion she was placed in the convent of nuns near
+Chardonneret, where she took the vow of sanctity. The said ceremony
+was concluded at the residence of the archbishop, where on this
+occasion, in honour of the Saviour or men, the lords and ladies of
+Touraine hopped, skipped and danced, for in this country the people
+dance, skip, eat, flirt, have more feasts and make merrier than any in
+the whole world. The good old seneschal had taken for his associate
+the daughter of the lord of Azay-le-Ridel, which afterwards became
+Azay-le-Brusle, the which lord being a Crusader was left before Acre,
+a far distant town, in the hands of a Saracen who demanded a royal
+ransom for him because the said lord was of high position.
+
+The lady of Azay having given his estate as security to the Lombards
+and extortioners in order to raise the sum, remained, without a penny
+in the world, awaiting her lord in a poor lodging in the town,
+without a carpet to sit upon, but proud as the Queen of Sheba and
+brave as a mastiff who defends the property of his master. Seeing this
+great distress the seneschal went delicately to request this lady's
+daughter to be the godmother of the said Egyptian, in order that he
+might have the right of assisting the Lady of Azay. And, in fact, he
+kept a heavy chain of gold which he had preserved since the
+commencement of the taking of Cyprus, and the which he determined to
+clasp about the neck of his pretty associate, but he hung there at the
+same time his domain, and his white hairs, his money and his horses;
+in short, he placed there everything he possessed, directly he had
+seen Blanche of Azay dancing a pavan among the ladies of Tours.
+Although the Moorish girl, making the most of her last day, had
+astonished the assembly by her twists, jumps, steps, springs, and
+elevations and artistic efforts, Blanche had the advantage of her, as
+everyone agreed, so virginally and delicately did she dance.
+
+Now Bruyn, admiring this gentle maiden whose toes seemed to fear the
+boards, and who amused herself so innocently for her seventeen years
+--like a grasshopper trying her first note--was seized with an old
+man's desire; a desire apoplectic and vigorous from weakness, which
+heated him from the sole of foot to the nape of his neck--for his head
+had too much snow on the top of it to let love lodge there. Then the
+good man perceived that he needed a wife in his manor, and it appeared
+more lonely to him than it was. And what then was a castle without a
+chatelaine? As well have a clapper without its bell. In short, a wife
+was the only thing that he had to desire, so he wished to have one
+promptly, seeing that if the Lady of Azay made him wait, he had just
+time to pass out of this world into the other. But during the
+baptismal entertainment, he thought little of his severe wounds, and
+still less of the eighty years that had stripped his head; he found
+his eyes clear enough to see distinctly his young companion, who,
+following the injunctions of the Lady of Azay, regaled him well with
+glance and gesture, believing there could be no danger near so old a
+fellow, in such wise that Blanche--naive and nice as she was in
+contradistinction to the girls of Touraine, who are as wide-awake as a
+spring morning--permitted the good man first to kiss her hand, and
+afterwards her neck, rather low-down; at least so said the archbishop
+who married them the week after; and that was a beautiful bridal, and
+a still more beautiful bride.
+
+The said Blanche was slender and graceful as no other girl, and still
+better than that, more maidenly than ever maiden was; a maiden all
+ignorant of love, who knew not why or what it was; a maiden who
+wondered why certain people lingered in their beds; a maiden who
+believed that children were found in parsley beds. Her mother had thus
+reared her in innocence, without even allowing her to consider, trifle
+as it was, how she sucked in her soup between her teeth. Thus she was
+a sweet flower, and intact, joyous and innocent; an angel, who needed
+but the wings to fly away to Paradise. When she left the poor lodging
+of her weeping mother to consummate her betrothal at the cathedral of
+St. Gatien and St. Maurice, the country people came to a feast their
+eyes upon the bride, and on the carpets which were laid down all along
+the Rue de la Scellerie, and all said that never had tinier feet
+pressed the ground of Touraine, prettier eyes gazed up to heaven, or a
+more splendid festival adorned the streets with carpets and with
+flowers. The young girls of St. Martin and of the boroughs of
+Chateau-Neuf, all envied the long brown tresses with which doubtless
+Blanche had fished for a count, but much more did they desire the gold
+embroidered dress, the foreign stones, the white diamonds, and the
+chains with which the little darling played, and which bound her for
+ever to the said seneschal. The old soldier was so merry by her side,
+that his happiness showed itself in his wrinkles, his looks, and his
+movements. Although he was hardly as straight as a billhook, he held
+himself so by the side of Blanche, that one would have taken him for a
+soldier on parade receiving his officer, and he placed his hand on his
+diaphragm like a man whose pleasure stifles and troubles him.
+Delighted with the sound of the swinging bells, the procession, the
+pomps, and the vanities of the said marriage, which was talked of long
+after the episcopal rejoicings, the women desired a harvest of Moorish
+girls, a deluge of old seneschals, and baskets full of Egyptian
+baptisms. But this was the only one that ever happened in Touraine,
+seeing that the country is far from Egypt and from Bohemia. The Lady
+of Azay received a large sum of money after the ceremony, which
+enabled her to start immediately for Acre to go to her spouse,
+accompanied by the lieutenant and soldiers of the Count of
+Roche-Corbon, who furnished them with everything necessary. She set out
+on the day of the wedding, after having placed her daughter in the hands
+of the seneschal, enjoining him to treat her well; and later on she
+returned with the Sire d'Azay, who was leprous, and she cured him,
+tending him herself, running the risk of being contaminated, the which
+was greatly admired.
+
+The marriage ceremony finished and at an end--for it lasted three
+days, to the great contentment of the people--Messire Bruyn with great
+pomp led the little one to his castle, and, according to the custom of
+husbands, had her put solemnly to bed in his couch, which was blessed
+by the Abbot of Marmoustiers; then came and placed himself beside her
+in the great feudal chamber of Roche-Corbon, which had been hung with
+green blockade and ribbon of golden wire. When old Bruyn, perfumed all
+over, found himself side by side with his pretty wife, he kissed her
+first upon the forehead, and then upon the little round, white breast,
+on the same spot where she had allowed him to clasp the fastenings of
+the chain, but that was all. The old fellow had too great confidence
+in himself in fancying himself able to accomplish more; so then he
+abstained from love in spite of the merry nuptial songs, the
+epithalamiums and jokes which were going on in the rooms beneath where
+the dancing was still kept up. He refreshed himself with a drink of
+the marriage beverage, which according to custom, had been blessed and
+placed near them in a golden cup. The spices warned his stomach well
+enough, but not the heart of his dead ardour. Blanche was not at all
+astonished at the demeanour of her spouse, because she was a virgin in
+mind, and in marriage she saw only that which is visible to the eyes
+of young girls--namely dresses, banquets, horses, to be a lady and
+mistress, to have a country seat, to amuse oneself and give orders;
+so, like the child that she was, she played with the gold tassels on
+the bed, and marvelled at the richness of the shrine in which her
+innocence should be interred. Feeling, a little later in the day, his
+culpability, and relying on the future, which, however, would spoil a
+little every day that with which he pretended to regale his wife, the
+seneschal tried to substitute the word for the deed. So he entertained
+his wife in various ways, promised her the keys of his sideboards, his
+granaries and chests, the perfect government of his houses and domains
+without any control, hanging round her neck "the other half of the
+loaf," which is the popular saying in Touraine. She became like a
+young charger full of hay, found her good man the most gallant fellow
+in the world, and raising herself upon her pillow began to smile, and
+beheld with greater joy this beautiful green brocaded bed, where
+henceforward she would be permitted, without any sin, to sleep every
+night. Seeing she was getting playful, the cunning lord, who had not
+been used to maidens, but knew from experience the little tricks that
+women will practice, seeing that he had much associated with ladies of
+the town, feared those handy tricks, little kisses, and minor
+amusements of love which formerly he did not object to, but which at
+the present time would have found him cold as the obit of a pope. Then
+he drew back towards the end of the bed, afraid of his happiness, and
+said to his too delectable spouse, "Well, darling, you are a
+seneschal's wife now, and very well seneschaled as well."
+
+"Oh no!" said she.
+
+"How no!" replied he in great fear; "are you not a wife?"
+
+"No!" said she. "Nor shall I be till I have had a child."
+
+"Did you while coming here see the meadows?" began again the old
+fellow.
+
+"Yes," said she.
+
+"Well, they are yours."
+
+"Oh! Oh!" replied she laughing, "I shall amuse myself much there
+catching butterflies."
+
+"That's a good girl," says her lord. "And the woods?"
+
+"Ah! I should not like to be there alone, you will take me there.
+But," said she, "give me a little of that liquor which La Ponneuse has
+taken such pains to prepare for us."
+
+"And why, my darling? It would put fire in your body."
+
+"Oh! That's what I should like," said she, biting her lip with
+vexation, "because I desire to give you a child as soon as possible;
+and I'm sure that liquor is good for the purpose."
+
+"Ah! my little one," said the seneschal, knowing by this that Blanche
+was a virgin from head to foot, "the goodwill of God is necessary for
+this business, and women must be in a state of harvest."
+
+"And when should I be in a state of harvest?" asked she, smiling.
+
+"When nature so wills it," said he, trying to laugh.
+
+"What is it necessary to do for this?" replied she.
+
+"Ah! A cabalistical and alchemical operation which is very dangerous."
+
+"Ah!" said she, with a dreamy look, "that's the reason why my mother
+cried when thinking of the said metamorphosis; but Bertha de Breuilly,
+who is so thankful for being made a wife, told me it was the easiest
+thing in the world."
+
+"That's according to the age," replied the old lord. "But did you see
+at the stable the beautiful white mare so much spoken of in Touraine?"
+
+"Yes, she is very gentle and nice."
+
+"Well, I give her to you, and you can ride her as often as the fancy
+takes you."
+
+"Oh, you are very kind, and they did not lie when they told me so."
+
+"Here," continued he, "sweetheart; the butler, the chaplain, the
+treasurer, the equerry, the farrier, the bailiff, even the Sire de
+Montsoreau, the young varlet whose name is Gauttier and bears my
+banner, with his men at arms, captains, followers, and beasts--all are
+yours, and will instantly obey your orders under pain of being
+incommoded with a hempen collar."
+
+"But," replied she, "this mysterious operation--cannot it be performed
+immediately?"
+
+"Oh no!" replied the seneschal. "Because it is necessary above all
+things that both the one and the other of us should be in a state of
+grace before God; otherwise we should have a bad child, full of sin;
+which is forbidden by the canons of the church. This is the reason
+that there are so many incorrigible scapegraces in the world. Their
+parents have not wisely waited to have their souls pure, and have
+given wicked souls to their children. The beautiful and the virtuous
+come of immaculate fathers; that is why we cause our beds to be
+blessed, as the Abbot of Marmoustiers has done this one. Have you not
+transgressed the ordinances of the Church?"
+
+"Oh no," said she, quickly, "I received before Mass absolution for all
+my faults and have remained since without committing the slightest
+sin."
+
+"You are very perfect," said the cunning lord, "and I am delighted to
+have you for a wife; but I have sworn like an infidel."
+
+"Oh! and why?"
+
+"Because the dancing did not finish, and I could not have you to
+myself to bring you here and kiss you."
+
+Thereupon he gallantly took her hands and covered them with kisses,
+whispering to her little endearments and superficial words of
+affection which made her quite pleased and contented.
+
+Then, fatigued with the dance and all the ceremonies, she settled down
+to her slumbers, saying to the seneschal--
+
+"I will take care tomorrow that you shall not sin," and she left the
+old man quite smitten with her white beauty, amorous of her delicate
+nature, and as embarrassed to know how he should be able to keep her
+in her innocence as to explain why oxen chew their food twice over.
+Although he did not augur to himself any good therefrom, it inflamed
+him so much to see the exquisite perfections of Blanche during her
+innocent and gentle sleep, that he resolved to preserve and defend
+this pretty jewel of love. With tears in his eyes he kissed her sweet
+golden tresses, the beautiful eyelids, and her ripe red mouth, and he
+did it softly for fear of waking her. There was all his fruition, the
+dumb delight which still inflamed his heart without in the least
+affecting Blanche. Then he deplored the snows of his leafless old age,
+the poor old man, that he saw clearly that God had amused himself by
+giving him nuts when his teeth were gone.
+
+
+HOW THE SENESCHAL STRUGGLED WITH HIS WIFE'S MODESTY.
+
+During the first days of his marriage the seneschal imprinted many
+fibs to tell his wife, whose so estimable innocence he abused.
+Firstly, he found in his judicial functions good excuses for leaving
+her at times alone; then he occupied himself with the peasants of the
+neighbourhood, and took them to dress the vines on his lands at
+Vouvray, and at length pampered her up with a thousand absurd tales.
+
+At one time he would say that lords did not behave like common people,
+that the children were only planted at certain celestial conjunctions
+ascertained by learned astrologers; at another that one should abstain
+from begetting children on feast days, because it was a great
+undertaking; and he observed the feasts like a man who wished to enter
+into Paradise without consent. Sometimes he would pretend that if by
+chance the parents were not in a state of grace, the children
+commenced on the date of St. Claire would be blind, of St. Gatien had
+the gout, of St. Agnes were scaldheaded, of St. Roch had the plague;
+sometimes that those begotten in February were chilly; in March, too
+turbulent; in April, were worth nothing at all; and that handsome boys
+were conceived in May. In short, he wished his child to be perfect, to
+have his hair of two colours; and for this it was necessary that all
+the required conditions should be observed. At other times he would
+say to Blanche that the right of a man was to bestow a child upon his
+wife according to his sole and unique will, and that if she pretended
+to be a virtuous woman she should conform to the wishes of her
+husband; in fact it was necessary to await the return of the Lady of
+Azay in order that she should assist at the confinement; from all of
+which Blanche concluded that the seneschal was annoyed by her
+requests, and was perhaps right, since he was old and full of
+experience; so she submitted herself and thought no more, except to
+herself, of this so much-desired child, that is to say, she was always
+thinking of it, like a woman who has a desire in her head, without
+suspecting that she was behaving like a gay lady or a town-walker
+running after her enjoyment. One evening, by accident, Bruyn spoke of
+children, a discourse that he avoided as cats avoid water, but he was
+complaining of a boy condemned by him that morning for great misdeeds,
+saying for certain he was the offspring of people laden with mortal
+sins.
+
+"Alas!" said Blanche, "if you will give me one, although you have not
+got absolution, I will correct so well that you will be pleased with
+him."
+
+Then the count saw that his wife was bitten by a warm desire, and that
+it was time to dissipate her innocence in order to make himself master
+of it, to conquer it, to beat it, or to appease and extinguish it.
+
+"What, my dear, you wish to be a mother?" said he; "you do not yet
+know the business of a wife, you are not accustomed to being mistress
+of the house."
+
+"Oh! Oh!" said she, "to be a perfect countess, and have in my loins a
+little count, must I play the great lady? I will do it, and
+thoroughly."
+
+Then Blanche, in order to obtain issue, began to hunt the fawns and
+stags, leaping the ditches, galloping upon her mare over valleys and
+mountain, through the woods and the fields, taking great delight in
+watching the falcons fly, in unhooding them and while hunting always
+carried them gracefully upon her little wrist, which was what the
+seneschal had desired. But in this pursuit, Blanche gained an appetite
+of nun and prelate, that is to say, wished to procreate, had her
+desires whetted, and could scarcely restrain her hunger, when on her
+return she gave play to her teeth. Now by reason of reading the
+legends written by the way, and of separating by death the embraces of
+birds and wild beasts, she discovered a mystery of natural alchemy,
+while colouring her complexion, and superagitating her feeble
+imagination, which did little to pacify her warlike nature, and
+strongly tickled her desire which laughed, played, and frisked
+unmistakably. The seneschal thought to disarm the rebellious virtue of
+his wife by making her scour the country; but his fraud turned out
+badly, for the unknown lust that circulated in the veins of Blanche
+emerged from these assaults more hardy than before, inviting jousts
+and tourneys as the herald the armed knight.
+
+The good lord saw then that he had grossly erred and that he was now
+upon the horns of a dilemma; also he no longer knew what course to
+adopt; the longer he left it the more it would resist. From this
+combat, there must result one conquered and one contused--a diabolical
+contusion which he wished to keep distant from his physiognomy by
+God's help until after his death. The poor seneschal had already great
+trouble to follow his lady to the chase, without being dismounted; he
+sweated under the weight of his trappings, and almost expired in that
+pursuit wherein his frisky wife cheered her life and took great
+pleasure. Many times in the evening she wished to dance. Now the good
+man, swathed in his heavy clothing, found himself quite worn out with
+these exercises, in which he was constrained to participate either in
+giving her his hand, when she performed the vaults of the Moorish
+girl, or in holding the lighted fagot for her, when she had a fancy to
+do the torchlight dance; and in spite of his sciaticas, accretions,
+and rheumatisms, he was obliged to smile and say to her some gentle
+words and gallantries after all the evolutions, mummeries, and comic
+pantomimes, which she indulged in to divert herself; for he loved her
+so madly that if she had asked him for an impossibility he would have
+sought one for her immediately.
+
+Nevertheless, one fine day he recognised the fact that his frame was
+in a state of too great debility to struggle with the vigorous nature
+of his wife, and humiliating himself before his wife's virtue he
+resolved to let things take their course, relying a little upon the
+modesty, religion, and bashfulness of Blanche, but he always slept
+with one eye open, for he suspected that God had perhaps made
+virginities to be taken like partridges, to be spitted and roasted.
+One wet morning, when the weather was that in which the snails make
+their tracks, a melancholy time, and suitable to reverie, Blanche was
+in the house sitting in her chair in deep thought, because nothing
+produces more lively concoctions of the substantive essences, and no
+receipt, specific or philter is more penetrating, transpiercing or
+doubly transpiercing and titillating than the subtle warmth which
+simmers between the nap of the chair and a maiden sitting during
+certain weather.
+
+Now without knowing it the Countess was incommoded by her innocence,
+which gave more trouble than it was worth to her brain, and gnawed her
+all over. Then the good man, seriously grieved to see her languishing,
+wished to drive away the thoughts which were ultra-conjugal principles
+of love.
+
+"Whence comes your sadness, sweetheart?" said he.
+
+"From shame."
+
+"What then affronts you?"
+
+"The not being a good woman; because I am without a child, and you
+without lineage! Is one a lady without progeny? Nay! Look! . . . All
+my neighbours have it, and I was married to have it, as you to give it
+to me; the nobles of Touraine are all amply furnished with children,
+and their wives give them lapfuls, you alone have none, they laugh at
+you there. What will become of your name and your fiefs and your
+seigniories? A child is our natural company; it is a delight to us to
+make a fright of it, to fondle it, to swaddle it, to dress and undress
+it, to cuddle it, to sing it lullabies, to cradle it, to get it up, to
+put it to bed, and to nourish it, and I feel that if I had only the
+half of one, I would kiss it, swaddle it, and unharness it, and I
+would make it jump and crow all day long, as the other ladies do."
+
+"Were it not that in giving them birth women die, and that for this
+you are still too delicate and too close in the bud, you would already
+be a mother," replied the seneschal, made giddy with the flow of
+words. "But will you buy one ready-made?--that will cost you neither
+pain nor labour."
+
+"But," said she, "I want the pain and labour, without which it will
+not be ours. I know very well it should be the fruit of my body,
+because at church they say that Jesus was the fruit of the Virgin's
+womb."
+
+"Very well, then pray God that it may be so," cried the seneschal,
+"and intercede with the Virgin of Egrignolles. Many a lady has
+conceived after the neuvaine; you must not fail to do one."
+
+Then the same day Blanche set out towards Notre-Dame de l'Egrignolles,
+decked out like a queen riding her beautiful mare, having on her a
+robe of green velvet, laced down with fine gold lace, open at the
+breast, having sleeves of scarlet, little shoes and a high hat
+ornamented with precious stones, and a gold waistband that showed off
+her little waist, as slim as a pole. She wished to give her dress to
+Madame the Virgin, and in fact promised it to her, for the day of her
+churching. The Sire de Montsoreau galloped before her, his eye bright
+as that of a hawk, keeping the people back and guarding with his
+knights the security of the journey. Near Marmoustiers the seneschal,
+rendered sleepy by the heat, seeing it was the month of August,
+waggled about in his saddle, like a diadem upon the head of a cow, and
+seeing so frolicsome and so pretty a lady by the side of so old a
+fellow, a peasant girl, who was squatting near the trunk of a tree and
+drinking water out of her stone jug inquired of a toothless old hag,
+who picked up a trifle by gleaning, if this princess was going to bury
+her dead.
+
+"Nay," said the old woman, "it is our lady of Roche-Corbon, wife of
+the seneschal of Poitou and Touraine, in quest of a child."
+
+"Ah! Ah!" said the young girl, laughing like a fly just satisfied;
+then pointing to the handsome knight who was at the head of the
+procession--"he who marches at the head would manage that; she would
+save the wax-candles and the vow."
+
+"Ha! my little one," replied the hag, "I am rather surprised that she
+should go to Notre-Dame de l'Egrignolles seeing that there are no
+handsome priests there. She might very well stop for a short time
+beneath the shadow the belfry of Marmoustiers; she would soon be
+fertile, those good fathers are so lively."
+
+"By a nun's oath!" said a tramp walking up, "look; the Sire de
+Montsoreau is lively and delicate enough to open the lady's heart, the
+more so as he is well formed to do so."
+
+And all commenced a laugh. The Sire de Montsoreau wished to go to them
+and hang them in lime-tree by the road as a punishment for their bad
+words, but Blanche cried out quickly--
+
+"Oh, sir, do not hang them yet. They have not said all they mean; and
+we shall see them on our return."
+
+She blushed, and the Sire de Montsoreau looked at her eagerly, as
+though to shoot into her the mystic comprehensions of love, but the
+clearing out of her intelligence had already been commenced by the
+sayings of the peasants which were fructifying in her understanding
+--her innocence was like touchwood, there was only need for a word
+to inflame it.
+
+Thus Blanche perceived now the notable and physical differences
+between the qualities of her old husband and perfections of the said
+Gauttier, a gentleman who was not over affected with his twenty-three
+years, but held himself upright as a ninepin in the saddle, and as
+wide-awake as the matin chimes, while in contrast to him, slept the
+seneschal; he had courage and dexterity there where his master failed.
+He was one of those smart fellows whom the jades would sooner wear at
+night than a leathern garment, because they then no longer fear the
+fleas; there are some who vituperate them, but no one should be
+blamed, because every one should sleep as he likes.
+
+So much did the seneschal's lady think, and so imperially well, that
+by the time she arrived at the bridge of Tours, she loved Gauttier
+secretly, as a maiden loves, without suspecting that it is love. From
+that she became a proper woman, that is to say, she desired the good
+of others, the best that men have, she fell into a fit of
+love-sickness, going at the first jump to the depth of her misery,
+seeing that all is flame between the first coveting and the last desire,
+and she knew not how she then learned that by the eyes can flow in a
+subtle essence, causing such powerful corrosions in all the veins of
+the body, recesses of the heart, nerves of the members, roots of the
+hair, perspiration of the substance, limbo of the brain, orifices of
+the epidermis, windings of the pluck, tubes of the hypochondriac and
+other channels which in her was suddenly dilated, heated, tickled,
+envenomed, clawed, harrowed, and disturbed, as if she had a basketful
+of needles in her inside. This was a maiden's desire, a
+well-conditioned desire, which troubled her sight to such a degree that
+she no longer saw her old spouse, but clearly the young Gauttier, whose
+nature was as ample as the glorious chin of an abbot. When the good
+man entered Tours the Ah! Ah! of the crowd woke him up, and he came
+with great pomp with his suite to the Church of Notre-Dame de
+l'Egrignolles, formerly called la greigneur, as if you said that which
+has the most merit. Blanche went into the chapel where children are
+asked to God and of the Virgin, and went there alone, as was the
+custom, always however in the presence of the seneschal, of his
+varlets and the loiterers who remained outside the grill. When the
+countess saw the priest come who had charge of the masses said for
+children, and who received the said vows, she asked him if there were
+many barren women. To which the good priest replied, that he must not
+complain, and that the children were good revenue to the Church.
+
+"And do you often see," said Blanche, "young women with such old
+husbands as my lord?"
+
+"Rarely," said he.
+
+"But have those obtained offspring?"
+
+"Always," replied the priest smiling.
+
+"And the others whose companions are not so old?"
+
+"Sometimes."
+
+"Oh! Oh!" said she, "there is more certainty then with one like the
+seneschal?"
+
+"To be sure," said the priest.
+
+"Why?" said she.
+
+"Madame," gravely replied priest, "before that age God alone
+interferes with the affair, after, it is the men."
+
+At this time it was a true thing that all the wisdom had gone to the
+clergy. Blanch made her vow, which was a very profitable one, seeing
+that her decorations were worth quite two thousand gold crowns.
+
+"You are very joyful!" said the old seneschal to her when on the home
+journey she made her mare prance, jump, and frisk.
+
+"Yes, yes!" said she. "There is no longer any doubt about my having a
+child, because any one can help me, the priest said: I shall take
+Gauttier."
+
+The seneschal wished to go and slay the monk, but he thought that was
+a crime which would cost him too much, and he resolved cunningly to
+arrange his vengeance with the help of the archbishop; and before the
+housetops of Roche-Corbon came in sight he had ordered the Sire de
+Montsoreau to seek a little retirement in his own country, which the
+young Gauttier did, knowing the ways of the lord. The seneschal put in
+the place of the said Gauttier the son of the Sire de Jallanges, whose
+fief was held from Roche-Corbon. He was a young boy named Rene,
+approaching fourteen years, and he made him a page, awaiting the time
+when he should be old enough to be an equerry, and gave the command of
+his men to an old cripple, with whom he had knocked about a great deal
+in Palestine and other places. Thus the good man believed he would
+avoid the horned trappings of cuckoldom, and would still be able to
+girth, bridle, and curb the factious innocence of his wife, which
+struggled like a mule held by a rope.
+
+
+THAT WHICH IS ONLY A VENIAL SIN.
+
+The Sunday following the arrival of Rene at the manor of Roche-Corbon,
+Blanche went out hunting without her goodman, and when she was in the
+forest near Les Carneaux, saw a monk who appeared to be pushing a girl
+about more than was necessary, and spurred on her horse, saying to her
+people, "Ho there! Don't let him kill her." But when the seneschal's
+lady arrived close to them, she turned her horse's head quickly and
+the sight she beheld prevented her from hunting. She came back
+pensive, and then the lantern of her intelligence opened, and received
+a bright light, which made a thousand things clear, such as church and
+other pictures, fables, and lays of the troubadours, or the domestic
+arrangements of birds; suddenly she discovered the sweet mystery of
+love written in all languages, even in that of the Carps'. Is it not
+silly thus to seal this science from maidens? Soon Blanche went to
+bed, and soon said she to the seneschal--
+
+"Bruyn, you have deceived me, you ought to behave as the monk of the
+Carneaux behaved to the girl."
+
+Old Bruyn suspected the adventure, and saw well that his evil hour was
+at hand. He regarded Blanche with too much fire in his eyes for the
+same ardour to be lower down, and answered her softly--
+
+"Alas! sweetheart, in taking you for my wife I had more love than
+strength, and I have taken advantage of your clemency and virtue. The
+great sorrow of my life is to feel all my capability in my heart only.
+This sorrow hastens my death little by little, so that you will soon
+be free. Wait for my departure from this world. That is the sole
+request that he makes of you, he who is your master, and who could
+command you, but who wishes only to be your prime minister and slave.
+Do not betray the honour of my white hairs! Under these circumstances
+there have been lords who have slain their wives.
+
+"Alas! you will not kill me?" said she.
+
+"No," replied the old man, "I love thee too much, little one; why,
+thou art the flower of my old age, the joy of my soul. Thou art my
+well-beloved daughter; the sight of thee does good to mine eyes, and
+from thee I could endure anything, be it a sorrow or a joy, provided
+that thou does not curse too much the poor Bruyn who has made thee a
+great lady, rich and honoured. Wilt thou not be a lovely widow? And
+thy happiness will soften the pangs of death."
+
+And he found in his dried-up eyes still one tear which trickled quite
+warm down his fir-cone coloured face, and fell upon the hand of
+Blanche, who, grieved to behold this great love of her old spouse who
+would put himself under the ground to please her, said laughingly--
+
+"There! there! don't cry, I will wait."
+
+Thereupon the seneschal kissed her hands and regaled her with little
+endearments, saying with a voice quivering with emotion--
+
+"If you knew, Blanche my darling, how I devour thee in thy sleep with
+caresses, now here, now there!" And the old ape patted her with his
+two hands, which were nothing but bones. And he continued, "I dared
+not waken the cat that would have strangled my happiness, since at
+this occupation of love I only embraced with my heart."
+
+"Ah!" replied she, "you can fondle me thus even when my eyes are open;
+that has not the least effect upon me."
+
+At these words the poor seneschal, taking the little dagger which was
+on the table by the bed, gave it to her, saying with passion--
+
+"My darling, kill me, or let me believe that you love me a little!"
+
+"Yes, yes," said she, quite frightened, "I will try to love you much."
+
+Behold how this young maidenhood made itself master of this old man
+and subdued him, for in the name of the sweet face of Venus, Blanche,
+endowed with the natural artfulness of women, made her old Bruyn come
+and go like a miller's mule.
+
+"My good Bruyn, I want this! Bruyn, I want that--go on Bruyn!" Bruyn!
+Bruyn! And always Bruyn in such a way that Bruyn was more worn-out by
+the clemency of his wife than he would have been by her unkindness.
+She turned his brain wishing that everything should be in scarlet,
+making him turn everything topsy-turvy at the least movement of her
+eyebrow, and when she was sad the seneschal distracted, would say to
+everything from his judicial seat, "Hang him!" Another would have died
+like a fly at this conflict with the maid's innocence, but Bruyn was
+of such an iron nature that it was difficult to finish him off. One
+evening that Blanche had turned the house upside-down, upset the men
+and the beasts, and would by her aggravating humour have made the
+eternal father desperate--he who has such an infinite treasure of
+patience since he endures us--she said to the seneschal while getting
+into bed, "My good Bruyn, I have low down fancies, that bite and prick
+me; thence they rise into my heart, inflame my brain, incite me
+therein to evil deeds, and in the night I dream of the monk of the
+Carneaux."
+
+"My dear," replied the seneschal, "these are devilries and temptations
+against which the monks and nuns know how to defend themselves. If you
+will gain salvation, go and confess to the worthy Abbot of
+Marmoustiers, our neighbour; he will advise you well and will holily
+direct you in the good way."
+
+"Tomorrow I will go," said she.
+
+And indeed directly it was day, she trotted off to the monastery of
+the good brethren, who marvelled to see among them so pretty a lady;
+committed more than one sin through her in the evening; and for the
+present led her with great ceremony to their reverend abbot.
+
+Blanche found the said good man in a private garden near the high rock
+under a flower arcade, and remained stricken with respect at the
+countenance of the holy man, although she was accustomed not to think
+much of grey hairs.
+
+"God preserve you, Madame; what can you have to seek of one so near
+death, you so young?"
+
+"Your precious advice," said she, saluting him with a courtesy; "and
+if it will please you to guide so undutiful a sheep, I shall be well
+content to have so wise a confessor."
+
+"My daughter," answered the monk, with whom old Bruyn had arranged
+this hypocrisy and the part to play, "if I had not the chills of a
+hundred winters upon this unthatched head, I should not dare to listen
+to your sins, but say on; if you enter paradise, it will be through
+me."
+
+Then the seneschal's wife set forth the small fry of her stock in
+hand, and when she was purged of her little iniquities, she came to
+the postscript of her confession.
+
+"Ah! my father!" said she, "I must confess to you that I am daily
+exercised by the desire to have a child. Is it wrong?"
+
+"No," said the abbot.
+
+But she went on, "It is by nature commanded to my husband not to draw
+from his wealth to bring about his poverty, as the old women say by
+the way."
+
+"Then," replied the priest, "you must live virtuously and abstain from
+all thoughts of this kind."
+
+"But I have heard it professed by the Lady of Jallanges, that it was
+not a sin when from it one derived neither profit nor pleasure."
+
+"There always is pleasure," said the abbot, "but don't count upon the
+child as a profit. Now fix this in your understanding, that it will
+always be a mortal sin before God and a crime before men to bring
+forth a child through the embraces of a man to whom one is not
+ecclesiastically married. Thus those women who offend against the holy
+laws of marriage, suffer great penalties in the other world, are in
+the power of horrible monsters with sharp and tearing claws, who
+thrust them into flaming furnaces in remembrance of the fact that here
+below they have warmed their hearts a little more than was lawful."
+
+Thereupon Blanche scratched her ear, and having thought to herself for
+a little while, she said to the priest, "How then did the Virgin
+Mary?"
+
+"Ah!" replied abbot, "that it is a mystery."
+
+"And what is a mystery?"
+
+"A thing that cannot be explained, and which one ought to believe
+without enquiring into it."
+
+"Well then," said she, "cannot I perform a mystery?"
+
+"This one," said the Abbot, "only happened once, because it was the
+Son of God."
+
+"Alas! my father, is it then the will of God that I should die, or
+that from wise and sound comprehension my brain should be turned? Of
+this there is a great danger. Now in me something moves and excites
+me, and I am no longer in my senses. I care for nothing, and to find a
+man I would leap the walls, dash over the fields without shame and
+tear my things into tatters, only to see that which so much excited
+the monk of the Carneaux; and during these passions which work and
+prick my mind and body, there is neither God, devil, nor husband. I
+spring, I run, I smash up the wash-tubs, the pots, the farm
+implements, a fowl-house, the household things, and everything, in a
+way that I cannot describe. But I dare not confess to you all my
+misdeeds, because speaking of them makes my mouth water, and the thing
+with which God curses me makes me itch dreadfully. If this folly bites
+and pricks me, and slays my virtue, will God, who has placed this
+great love in my body, condemn me to perdition?"
+
+At this question it was the priest who scratched his ear, quite
+dumbfounded by the lamentations, profound wisdom, controversies and
+intelligence that this virginity secreted.
+
+"My daughter," said he, "God has distinguished us from the beasts and
+made us a paradise to gain, and for this given us reason, which is a
+rudder to steer us against tempests and our ambitious desires, and
+there is a means of easing the imaginations of one's brain by fasting,
+excessive labours, and other virtues; and instead of frisking and
+fretting like a child let loose from school, you should pray to the
+virgin, sleep on a hard board, attend to your household duties, and
+never be idle."
+
+"Ah! my father, when I am at church in my seat, I see neither the
+priest nor the altar, only the infant Jesus, who brings the thing into
+my head. But to finish, if my head is turned and my mind wanders, I am
+in the lime-twigs of love."
+
+"If thus you were," said the abbot, imprudently, "you would be in the
+position of Saint Lidoire, who in a deep sleep one day, one leg here
+and one leg there, through the great heat and scantily attired, was
+approached by a young man full of mischief, who dexterously seduced
+her, and as of this trick the saint was thoroughly ignorant, and much
+surprised at being brought to bed, thinking that her unusual size was
+a serious malady, she did penance for it as a venial sin, as she had
+no pleasure in this wicked business, according to the statement of the
+wicked man, who said upon the scaffold where he was executed, that the
+saint had in nowise stirred."
+
+"Oh, my father," said she, "be sure that I should not stir more than
+she did!"
+
+With this statement she went away prettily and gracefully, smiling and
+thinking how she could commit a venial sin. On her return from the
+great monastery, she saw in the courtyard of her castle the little
+Jallanges, who under the superintendence of an old groom was turning
+and wheeling about on a fine horse, bending with the movements of the
+animal, dismounting and mounting again with vaults and leaps most
+gracefully, and with lissome thighs, so pretty, so dextrous, so
+upright as to be indescribable, so much so, that he would have made
+the Queen Lucrece long for him, she who killed herself from having
+been contaminated against her will.
+
+"Ah!" said Blanche, "if only this page were fifteen, I would go to
+sleep comfortably very near to him."
+
+Then, in spite of the too great youth of this charming servitor,
+during the collation and supper, she eyed frequently the black hair,
+the white skin, the grace of Rene, above all his eyes, where was an
+abundance of limpid warmth and a great fire of life, which he was
+afraid to shoot out--child that he was.
+
+Now in the evening, as the seneschal's wife sat thoughtfully in her
+chair in the corner of the fireplace, old Bruyn interrogated her as to
+her trouble.
+
+"I am thinking." said she, "that you must have fought the battles of
+love very early, to be thus completely broken up."
+
+"Oh!" smiled he, smiling like all old men questioned upon their
+amorous remembrances, "at the age of thirteen and a half I had
+overcome the scruples of my mother's waiting woman."
+
+Blanche wished to hear nothing more, but believed the page Rene should
+be equally advanced, and she was quite joyous and practised little
+allurements on the good man, and wallowed silently in her desire, like
+a cake which is being floured.
+
+
+HOW AND BY WHOM THE SAID CHILD WAS PROCURED.
+
+The seneschal's wife did not think long over the best way quickly to
+awaken the love of the page, and had soon discovered the natural
+ambuscade in the which the most wary are taken. This is how: at the
+warmest hour of the day the good man took his siesta after the Saracen
+fashion, a habit in which he had never failed, since his return from
+the Holy Land. During this time Blanche was alone in the grounds,
+where the women work at their minor occupations, such as broidering
+and stitching, and often remained in the rooms looking after the
+washing, putting the clothes tidy, or running about at will. Then she
+appointed this quiet hour to complete the education of the page,
+making him read books and say his prayers. Now on the morrow, when at
+the mid-day hour the seneschal slept, succumbing to the sun which
+warms with its most luminous rays the slopes of Roche-Corbon, so much
+so that one is obliged to sleep, unless annoyed, upset, and
+continually roused by a devil of a young woman. Blanche then
+gracefully perched herself in the great seignorial chair of her good
+man, which she did not find any too high, since she counted upon the
+chances of perspective. The cunning jade settled herself dextrously
+therein, like a swallow in its nest, and leaned her head maliciously
+upon her arm like a child that sleeps; but in making her preparations
+she opened fond eyes, that smiled and winked in advance of the little
+secret thrills, sneezes, squints, and trances of the page who was
+about to lie at her feet, separated from her by the jump of an old
+flea; and in fact she advanced so much and so near the square of
+velvet where the poor child should kneel, whose life and soul she
+trifled with, that had he been a saint of stone, his glance would have
+been constrained to follow the flexousities of the dress in order to
+admire and re-admire the perfections and beauties of the shapely leg,
+which moulded the white stocking of the seneschal's lady. Thus it was
+certain that a weak varlet would be taken in the snare, wherein the
+most vigorous knight would willingly have succumbed. When she had
+turned, returned, placed and displaced her body, and found the
+situation in which the page would be most comfortable, she cried,
+gently. "Rene!" Rene, whom she knew well was in the guard-room, did
+not fail to run in and quickly thrust his brown head between the
+tapestries of the door.
+
+"What do you please to wish?" said the page. And he held with great
+respect in his hand his shaggy scarlet cap, less red than his fresh
+dimpled cheeks.
+
+"Come hither," replied she, under her breath, for the child attracted
+her so strongly that she was quite overcome.
+
+And forsooth there were no jewels so sparkling as the eyes of Rene, no
+vellum whiter than his skin, no woman more exquisite in shape--and so
+near to her desire, she found him still more sweetly formed--and was
+certain that the merry frolics of love would radiate well from this
+youth, the warm sun, the silence, et cetera.
+
+"Read me the litanies of Madame the Virgin," said she to him, pushing
+an open book him on her prieu-dieu. "Let me see if you are well taught
+by your master."
+
+"Do you not think the Virgin beautiful?" asked she of him, smiling
+when he held the illuminated prayer-book in which glowed the silver
+and gold.
+
+"It is a painting," replied he, timidly, and casting a little glance
+upon his so gracious mistress.
+
+"Read! read!"
+
+Then Rene began to recite the so sweet and so mystic litanies; but you
+may imagine that the "Ora pro nobis" of Blanche became still fainter
+and fainter, like the sound of the horn in the woodlands, and when the
+page went on, "Oh, Rose of mystery," the lady, who certainly heard
+distinctly, replied by a gentle sigh. Thereupon Rene suspected that
+his mistress slept. Then he commenced to cover her with his regard,
+admiring her at his leisure, and had then no wish to utter any anthem
+save the anthem of love. His happiness made his heart leap and bound
+into his throat; thus, as was but natural, these two innocents burned
+one against the other, but if they could have foreseen never would
+have intermingled. Rene feasted his eyes, planning in his mind a
+thousand fruitions of love that brought the water into his mouth. In
+his ecstasy he let his book fall, which made him feel as sheepish as a
+monk surprised at a child's tricks; but also from that he knew that
+Blanche was sound asleep, for she did not stir, and the wily jade
+would not have opened her eyes even at the greatest dangers, and
+reckoned on something else falling as well as the book of prayer.
+
+There is no worse longing than the longing of a woman in certain
+condition. Now, the page noticed his lady's foot, which was delicately
+slippered in a little shoe of a delicate blue colour. She had
+angularly placed it on a footstool, since she was too high in the
+seneschal's chair. This foot was of narrow proportions, delicately
+curved, as broad as two fingers, and as long as a sparrow, tail
+included, small at the top--a true foot of delight, a virginal foot
+that merited a kiss as a robber does the gallows; a roguish foot; a
+foot wanton enough to damn an archangel; an ominous foot; a devilishly
+enticing foot, which gave one a desire to make two new ones just like
+it to perpetuate in this lower world the glorious works of God. The
+page was tempted to take the shoe from this persuasive foot. To
+accomplish this his eyes glowing with the fire of his age, went
+swiftly, like the clapper of a bell, from this said foot of
+delectation to the sleeping countenance of his lady and mistress,
+listening to her slumber, drinking in her respiration again and again,
+it did not know where it would be sweetest to plant a kiss--whether on
+the ripe red lips of the seneschal's wife or on this speaking foot. At
+length, from respect or fear, or perhaps from great love, he chose the
+foot, and kissed it hastily, like a maiden who dares not. Then
+immediately he took up his book, feeling his red cheeks redder still,
+and exercised with his pleasure, he cried like a blind man--"_Janua
+coeli,: gate of Heaven_." But Blanche did not move, making sure that
+the page would go from foot to knee, and thence to "_Janua coeli,: gate
+of Heaven_." She was greatly disappointed when the litanies finished
+without any other mischief, and Rene, believing he had had enough
+happiness for one day, ran out of the room quite lively, richer from
+this hardy kiss than a robber who has robbed the poor-box.
+
+When the seneschal's lady was alone, she thought to herself that this
+page would be rather a long time at his task if he amused himself with
+the singing of the Magnificat at matins. Then she determined on the
+morrow to raise her foot a little, and then to bring to light those
+hidden beauties that are called perfect in Touraine, because they take
+no hurt in the open air, and are always fresh. You can imagine that
+the page, burned by his desire and his imagination, heated by the day
+before, awaited impatiently the hour to read in this breviary of
+gallantry, and was called; and the conspiracy of the litanies
+commenced again, and Blanche did not fail to fall asleep. This time
+the said Rene fondled with his hand the pretty limb, and even ventured
+so far as to verify if the polished knee and its surroundings were
+satin. At this sight the poor child, armed against his desire, so
+great was his fear, dared only to make brief devotion and curt
+caresses, and although he kissed softly this fair surface, he remained
+bashful, the which, feeling by the senses of her soul and the
+intelligence of her body, the seneschal's lady who took great care not
+to move, called out to him--"Ah, Rene, I am asleep."
+
+Hearing what he believed to be a stern reproach, the page frightened
+ran away, leaving the books, the task, and all. Thereupon, the
+seneschal's better half added this prayer to the litany--"Holy Virgin,
+how difficult children are to make."
+
+At dinner her page perspired all down his back while waiting on his
+lady and her lord; but he was very much surprised when he received
+from Blanche the most shameless of all glances that ever woman cast,
+and very pleasant and powerful it was, seeing that it changed this
+child into a man of courage. Now, the same evening Bruyn staying a
+little longer than was his custom in his own apartment, the page went
+in search of Blanche, and found her asleep, and made her dream a
+beautiful dream.
+
+He knocked off the chains that weighed so heavily upon her, and so
+plentifully bestowed upon her the sweets of love, that the surplus
+would have sufficed to render to others blessed with the joys of
+maternity. So then the minx, seizing the page by the head and
+squeezing him to her, cried out--"Oh, Rene! Thou hast awakened me!"
+
+And in fact there was no sleep could stand against it, and it is
+certain that saints must sleep very soundly. From this business,
+without any other mystery, and by a benign faculty which is the
+assisting principle of spouses, the sweet and graceful plumage,
+suitable to cuckolds, was placed upon the head of the good husband
+without his experiencing the slightest shock.
+
+After this sweet repast, the seneschal's lady took kindly to her
+siesta after the French fashion, while Bruyn took his according to the
+Saracen. But by the said siesta she learned how the good youth of the
+page had a better taste than that of the old seneschal, and at night
+she buried herself in the sheets far away from her husband, whom she
+found strong and stale. And from sleeping and waking up in the day,
+from taking siestas and saying litanies, the seneschal's wife felt
+growing within her that treasure for which she had so often and so
+ardently sighed; but now she liked more the commencement than the
+fructifying of it.
+
+You may be sure that Rene knew how to read, not only in books, but in
+the eyes of his sweet lady, for whom he would have leaped into a
+flaming pile, had it been her wish he should do so. When well and
+amply, more than a hundred times, the train had been laid by them, the
+little lady became anxious about her soul and the future of her friend
+the page. Now one rainy day, as they were playing at touch-tag, like
+two children, innocent from head to foot, Blanche, who was always
+caught, said to him--
+
+"Come here, Rene; do you know that while I have only committed venial
+sins because I was asleep, you have committed mortal ones?"
+
+"Ah, Madame!" said he, "where then will God stow away all the damned
+if that is to sin!"
+
+Blanche burst out laughing, and kissed his forehead.
+
+"Be quiet, you naughty boy; it is a question of paradise, and we must
+live there together if you wish always to be with me."
+
+"Oh, my paradise is here."
+
+"Leave off," said she. "You are a little wretch--a scapegrace who does
+not think of that which I love--yourself! You do not know that I am
+with child, and that in a little while I shall be no more able to
+conceal it than my nose. Now, what will the abbot say? What will my
+lord say? He will kill you if he puts himself in a passion. My advice
+is little one, that you go to the abbot of Marmoustiers, confess your
+sins to him, asking him to see what had better be done concerning my
+seneschal.
+
+"Alas," said the artful page, "if I tell the secret of our joys, he
+will put his interdict upon our love."
+
+"Very likely," said she; "but thy happiness in the other world is a
+thing so precious to me."
+
+"Do you wish it my darling?"
+
+"Yes," replied she rather faintly.
+
+"Well, I will go, but sleep again that I may bid you adieu."
+
+And the couple recited the litany of Farewells as if they had both
+foreseen that their love must finish in its April. And on the morrow,
+more to save his dear lady than to save himself, and also to obey her,
+Rene de Jallanges set out towards the great monastery.
+
+
+HOW THE SAID LOVE-SIN WAS REPENTED OF AND LED TO GREAT MOURNING.
+
+"Good God!" cried the abbot, when the page had chanted the Kyrie
+eleison of his sweet sins, "thou art the accomplice of a great felony,
+and thou has betrayed thy lord. Dost thou know page of darkness, that
+for this thou wilt burn through all eternity? and dost thou know what
+it is to lose forever the heaven above for a perishable and changeful
+moment here below? Unhappy wretch! I see thee precipitated for ever in
+the gulfs of hell unless thou payest to God in this world that which
+thou owest him for such offence."
+
+Thereupon the good old abbot, who was of that flesh of which saints
+are made, and who had great authority in the country of Touraine,
+terrified the young man by a heap of representations, Christian
+discourses, remembrances of the commandments of the Church, and a
+thousand eloquent things--as many as a devil could say in six weeks to
+seduce a maiden--but so many that Rene, who was in the loyal fervour
+of innocence, made his submission to the good abbot. The said abbot,
+wishing to make forever a good and virtuous man of this child, now in
+a fair way to be a wicked one, commanded him first to go and prostrate
+himself before his lord, to confess his conduct to him, and then if he
+escaped from this confession, to depart instantly for the Crusades,
+and go straight to the Holy Land, where he should remain fifteen years
+of the time appointed to give battle to the Infidels.
+
+"Alas, my reverend father," said he, quite unmoved, "will fifteen
+years be enough to acquit me of so much pleasure? Ah! If you knew, I
+have had joy enough for a thousand years."
+
+"God will be generous. Go," replied the old abbot, "and sin no more.
+On this account, _ego te absolvo_."
+
+Poor Rene returned thereupon with great contrition to the castle of
+Roche-Corbon and the first person he met was the seneschal, who was
+polishing up his arms, helmets, gauntlets, and other things. He was
+sitting on a great marble bench in the open air, and was amusing
+himself by making shine again the splendid trappings which brought
+back to him the merry pranks in the Holy Land, the good jokes, and the
+wenches, et cetera. When Rene fell upon his knees before him, the good
+lord was much astonished.
+
+"What is it?" said he.
+
+"My lord," replied Rene, "order these people to retire."
+
+Which the servants having done, the page confessed his fault,
+recounting how he had assailed his lady in her sleep, and that for
+certain he had made her a mother in imitation of the man and the
+saint, and came by order of the confessor to put himself at the
+disposition of the offended person. Having said which, Rene de
+Jallanges cast down his lovely eyes, which had produced all the
+mischief, and remained abashed, prostrate without fear, his arms
+hanging down, his head bare, awaiting his punishment, and humbling
+himself to God. The seneschal was not so white that he could not
+become whiter, and now he blanched like linen newly dried, remaining
+dumb with passion. And this old man who had not in his veins the vital
+force to procreate a child, found in this moment of fury more vigour
+than was necessary to undo a man. He seized with his hairy right hand
+his heavy club, lifted it, brandished it and adjusted it so easily you
+could have thought it a bowl at a game of skittles, to bring it down
+upon the pale forehead of the said Rene, who knowing that he was
+greatly in fault towards his lord, remained placid, and stretching his
+neck, thought that he was about to expiate his sin for his sweetheart
+in this world and in the other.
+
+But his fair youth, and all the natural seductions of this sweet
+crime, found grace before the tribunal of the heart of this old man,
+although Bruyn was still severe, and throwing his club away on to a
+dog who was catching beetles, he cried out, "May a thousand million
+claws, tear during all eternity, all the entrails of him, who made
+him, who planted the oak, that made the chair, on which thou hast
+antlered me--and the same to those who engendered thee, cursed page of
+misfortune! Get thee to the devil, whence thou camest--go out from
+before me, from the castle, from the country, and stay not here one
+moment more than is necessary, otherwise I will surely prepare for
+thee a death by slow fire that shall make thee curse twenty times an
+hour thy villainous and ribald partner!"
+
+Hearing the commencement of these little speeches of the seneschal,
+whose youth came back in his oaths, the page ran away, escaping the
+rest: and he did well. Bruyn, burning with a fierce rage, gained the
+gardens speedily, reviling everything by the way, striking and
+swearing; he even knocked over three large pans held by one of his
+servants, was carrying the mess to the dogs, and he was so beside
+himself that he would have killed a labourer for a "thank you." He
+soon perceived his unmaidenly maiden, who was looking towards the road
+to the monastery, waiting for the page, and unaware that she would
+never see him again.
+
+"Ah, my lady! By the devil's red three-pronged fork, am I a swallower
+of tarradiddles and a child, to believe that you are so fashioned that
+a page can behave in this manner and you not know it? By the death! By
+the head! By the blood!"
+
+"Hold!" she replied, seeing that the mine was sprung, "I knew it well
+enough, but as you had not instructed me in these matters I thought
+that I was dreaming!"
+
+The great ire of the seneschal melted like snow in the sun, for the
+direst anger of God himself would have vanished at a smile from
+Blanche.
+
+"May a thousand millions of devils carry off this alien child! I swear
+that--"
+
+"There! there! do not swear," said she. "If it is not yours, it is
+mine; and the other night did you not tell me you loved everything
+that came from me?"
+
+Thereupon she ran on with such a lot of arguments, hard words,
+complaints, quarrels, tears, and other paternosters of women; such as
+--firstly the estates would not have to be returned to the king; that
+never had a child been brought more innocently into the world, that
+this, that that, a thousand things; until the good cuckold relented,
+and Blanche, seizing a propitious interruption said--
+
+"And where it is the page?"
+
+"Gone to the devil!"
+
+"What, have you killed him?" said she. She turned pale and tottered.
+
+Bruyn did not know what would become of him when he saw thus fall all
+the happiness of his old age, and he would to save her have shown her
+this page. He ordered him to be sought, but Rene had run off at full
+speed, fearing he should be killed; and departed for the lands beyond
+the seas, in order to accomplish his vow of religion. When Blanche had
+learned from the above-mentioned abbot the penitence imposed upon her
+well beloved, she fell into a state of great melancholy, saying at
+times, "Where is he, the poor unfortunate, who is in the middle of
+great dangers for love of me?"
+
+And always kept on asking, like a child who gives its mother no rest
+until its request be granted it. At these lamentations the poor
+seneschal, feeling himself to blame, endeavoured to do a thousand
+things, putting one out of the question, in order to make Blanche
+happy; but nothing was equal to the sweet caresses of the page.
+However, she had one day the child so much desired. You may be sure
+that was a fine festival for the good cuckold, for the resemblance to
+the father was distinctly engraved upon the face of this sweet fruit
+of love. Blanche consoled herself greatly, and picked up again a
+little of her old gaiety and flower of innocence, which rejoiced the
+aged hours of the seneschal. From constantly seeing the little one run
+about, watching its laughs answer those of the countess, he finished
+by loving it, and would have been in a great rage with anyone who had
+not believed him its father.
+
+Now as the adventure of Blanche and her page had not been carried
+beyond the castle, it was related throughout Touraine that Messire
+Bruyn had still found himself sufficiently in funds to afford a child.
+Intact remained the virtue of Blanche, and by the quintessence of
+instruction drawn by her from the natural reservoir of women, she
+recognised how necessary it was to be silent concerning the venial sin
+with which her child was covered. So she became modest and good, and
+was cited as a virtuous person. And then to make use of him she
+experimented on the goodness of her good man, and without giving him
+leave to go further than her chin, since she looked upon herself as
+belonging to Rene, Blanche, in return for the flowers of age which
+Bruyn offered her, coddled him, smiled upon him, kept him merry, and
+fondled him with pretty ways and tricks, which good wives bestow upon
+the husbands they deceive; and all so well, that the seneschal did not
+wish to die, squatted comfortably in his chair, and the more he lived
+the more he became partial to life. But to be brief, one night he died
+without knowing where he was going, for he said to Blanche, "Ho! ho!
+My dear, I see thee no longer! Is it night?"
+
+It was the death of the just, and he had well merited it as a reward
+for his labours in the Holy Land.
+
+Blanche held for his death a great and true mourning, weeping for him
+as one weeps for one's father. She remained melancholy, without
+wishing to lend her ear to the music of a second wedding, for which
+she was praised by all good people, who knew not that she had a
+husband in her heart, a life in hope; but she was the greater part of
+her time a widow in fact and widow in heart, because hearing no news
+of her lover at the Crusades, the poor Countess reputed him dead, and
+during certain nights seeing him wounded and lying at full length, she
+would wake up in tears. She lived thus for fourteen years in the
+remembrance of one day of happiness. Finally, one day when she had
+with her certain ladies of Touraine, and they were talking together
+after dinner, behold her little boy, who was at that time about
+thirteen and a half, and resembled Rene more than it is allowable for
+a child to resemble his father, and had nothing of the Sire Bruyn
+about him but his name--behold the little one, a madcap and pretty
+like his mother, who came in from the garden, running, perspiring,
+panting, jumping, scattering all things in his way, after the uses and
+customs of infancy, and who ran straight to his well-beloved mother,
+jumping into her lap, and interrupting the conversation, cried out--
+
+"Oh, mother I want to speak to you, I have seen in the courtyard a
+pilgrim, who squeezed me very tight."
+
+"Ah!" cried the chatelaine, hurrying towards one of the servants who
+had charge of the young count and watched over his precious days, "I
+have forbidden you ever to leave my son in the hands of strangers, not
+even in those of the holiest man in the world. You quit my service."
+
+"Alas! my lady," replied the old equerry, quite overcome, "this one
+wished him no harm for he wept while kissing him passionately."
+
+"He wept?" said she; "ah! it's the father."
+
+Having said which, she leaned her head of upon the chair in which she
+was sitting, and which you may be sure was the chair in which she has
+sinned.
+
+Hearing these strange words the ladies was so surprised that at first
+they did not perceive that the seneschal's widow was dead, without its
+ever been known if her sudden death was caused by her sorrow at the
+departure of her lover, who, faithful to his vow, did not wish to see
+her, or from great joy at his return and the hope of getting the
+interdict removed which the Abbot of Marmoustiers had placed upon
+their loves. And there was a great mourning for her, for the Sire de
+Jallanges lost his spirits when he saw his lady laid in the ground,
+and became a monk of Marmoustiers, which at that time was called by
+some Maimoustier, as much as to say Maius Monasterium, the largest
+monastery, and it was indeed the finest in all France.
+
+
+
+THE KING'S SWEETHEART
+
+There lived at this time at the forges of the Pont-aux-Change, a
+goldsmith whose daughter was talked about in Paris on account of her
+great beauty, and renowned above all things for her exceeding
+gracefulness. There were those who sought her favours by the usual
+tricks of love and, but others offered large sums of money to the
+father to give them his daughter in lawful wedlock, the which pleased
+him not a little.
+
+One of his neighbours, a parliamentary advocate, who by selling his
+cunning devices to the public had acquired as many lands as a dog has
+fleas, took it into his head to offer the said father a domain in
+consideration of his consent to this marriage, which he ardently
+desired to undertake. To this arrangement our goldsmith was nothing
+loth. He bargained away his daughter, without taking into
+consideration the fact that her patched-up old suitor had the features
+of an ape and had scarcely a tooth in his jaws. The smell which
+emanated from his mouth did not however disturb his own nostrils,
+although he was filthy and high flavoured, as are all those who pass
+their lives amid the smoke of chimneys, yellow parchment, and other
+black proceedings. Immediately this sweet girl saw him she exclaimed,
+"Great Heaven! I would rather not have him."
+
+"That concerns me not," said the father, who had taken a violent fancy
+to the proffered domain. "I give him to you for a husband. You must
+get on as well as you can together. That is his business now, and his
+duty is to make himself agreeable to you."
+
+"Is it so?" said she. "Well then, before I obey your orders I'll let
+him know what he may expect."
+
+And the same evening, after supper, when the love-sick man of law was
+pleading his cause, telling her he was mad for her, and promising her
+a life of ease and luxury, she taking him up, quickly remarked--
+
+"My father had sold me to you, but if you take me, you will make a bad
+bargain, seeing that I would rather offer myself to the passers-by
+than to you. I promise you a disloyalty that will only finish with
+death--yours or mine."
+
+Then she began to weep, like all young maidens will before they become
+experienced, for afterwards they never cry with their eyes. The good
+advocate took this strange behaviour for one of those artifices by
+which the women seek to fan the flames of love and turn the devotion
+of their admirers into the more tender caress and more daring
+osculation that speaks a husband's right. So that the knave took
+little notice of it, but laughing at the complaints of the charming
+creature, asked her to fix the day.
+
+"To-morrow," replied she, "for the sooner this odious marriage takes
+place, the sooner I shall be free to have gallants and to lead the gay
+life of those who love where it pleases them."
+
+Thereupon the foolish fellow--as firmly fixed as a fly in a glue pot
+--went away, made his preparations, spoke at the Palace, ran to the
+High Court, bought dispensations, and conducted his purchase more
+quickly than he ever done one before, thinking only of the lovely girl.
+Meanwhile the king, who had just returned from a journey, heard
+nothing spoken of at court but the marvellous beauty of the jeweller's
+daughter who had refused a thousand crowns from this one, snubbed that
+one; in fact, would yield to no one, but turned up her nose at the
+finest young men of the city, gentlemen who would have forfeited their
+seat in paradise only to possess one day, this little dragon of
+virtue.
+
+The good king, was a judge of such game, strolled into the town, past
+the forges, and entered the goldsmith's shop, for the purpose of
+buying jewels for the lady of his heart, but at the same time to
+bargain for the most precious jewel in the shop. The king not taking a
+fancy to the jewels, or they not being to his taste, the good man
+looked in a secret drawer for a big white diamond.
+
+"Sweetheart," said he, to the daughter, while her father's nose was
+buried in the drawer, "sweetheart, you were not made to sell precious
+stones, but to receive them, and if you were to give me all the little
+rings in the place to choose from, I know one that many here are mad
+for; that pleases me; to which I should ever be subject and servant;
+and whose price the whole kingdom of France could never pay."
+
+"Ah! sire!" replied the maid, "I shall be married to-morrow, but if
+you will lend me the dagger that is in your belt, I will defend my
+honour, and you shall take it, that the gospel made be observed
+wherein it says, '_Render unto Caesar the things which be
+Caesar's' . . ._"
+
+Immediately the king gave her the little dagger, and her brave reply
+rendered him so amorous that he lost his appetite. He had an apartment
+prepared, intending to lodge his new lady-love in the Rue a
+l'Hirundelle, in one of his palaces.
+
+And now behold my advocate, in a great hurry to get married, to the
+disgust of his rivals, the leading his bride to the altar to the clang
+of bells and the sound of music, so timed as to provoke the qualms of
+diarrhoea. In the evening, after the ball, comes he into the nuptial
+chamber, where should be reposing his lovely bride. No longer is she a
+lovely bride--but a fury--a wild she-devil, who, seated in an
+armchair, refuses her share of her lord's couch, and sits defiantly
+before the fire warming at the same time her ire and her calves. The
+good husband, quite astonished, kneels down gently before her,
+inviting her to the first passage of arms in that charming battle
+which heralds a first night of love; but she utters not a word, and
+when he tries to raise her garment, only just to glance at the charms
+that have cost him so dear, she gives him a slap that makes his bones
+rattle, and refuses to utter a syllable.
+
+This amusement, however, by no means displeased our friend the
+advocate, who saw at the end of his troubles that which you can as
+well imagine as he did; so played he his share of the game manfully,
+taking cheerfully the punishment bestowed upon him. By so much
+hustling about, scuffling, and struggling he managed at last to tear
+away a sleeve, to slit a petticoat, until he was able to place his
+hand upon his own property. This bold endeavour brought Madame to her
+feet and drawing the king's dagger, "What would you with me?" she
+cried.
+
+"Everything," answered he.
+
+"Ha! I should be a great fool to give myself against my inclination!
+If you fancied you would find my virtue unarmed you made a great
+error. Behold the poniard of the king, with which I will kill you if
+you make the semblance of a step towards me."
+
+So saying, she took a cinder, and having still her eyes upon her lord
+she drew a circle on the floor, adding, "These are the confines of the
+king's domain. Beware how you pass them."
+
+The advocate, with whose ideas of love-making the dagger sadly
+interfered, stood quite discomfited, but at the same time he heard the
+cruel speech of his tormentor he caught sight through the slits and
+tears in her robe of a sweet sample of a plump white thigh, and such
+voluptuous specimens of hidden mysteries, et cetera, that death seemed
+sweet to him if he could only taste of them a little. So that he
+rushed within the domain of the king, saying, "I mind not death." In
+fact he came with such force that his charmer fell backwards onto the
+bed, but keeping her presence of mind she defended herself so
+gallantly that the advocate enjoyed no further advantage than a knock
+at the door that would not admit him, and he gained as well a little
+stab from the poniard which did not wound him deeply, so that it did
+not cost him very dearly, his attack upon the realm of his sovereign.
+But maddened with this slight advantage, he cried, "I cannot live
+without the possession of that lovely body, and those marvels of love.
+Kill me then!" And again he attacked the royal preserves. The young
+beauty, whose head was full of the king, was not even touched by this
+great love, said gravely, "If you menace me further, it is not you but
+myself I will kill." She glared at him so savagely that the poor man
+was quite terrified, and commenced to deplore the evil hour in which
+he had taken her to wife, and thus the night which should have been so
+joyous, was passed in tears, lamentations, prayers, and ejaculations.
+In vain he tempted her with promises; she should eat out of gold, she
+should be a great lady, he would buy houses and lands for her. Oh! if
+she would only let him break one lance with her in the sweet conflict
+of love, he would leave her for ever and pass the remainder of his
+life according to her fantasy. But she, still unyielding, said she
+would permit him to die, and that was the only thing he could do to
+please her.
+
+"I have not deceived you," said she. "Agreeable to my promise, I shall
+give myself to the king, making you a present of the peddler, chance
+passers, and street loungers with whom I threatened you."
+
+When the day broke she put on her wedding garments and waited
+patiently till the poor husband had to depart to his office client's
+business, and then ran out into the town to seek the king. But she had
+not gone a bow-shot from the house before one of the king's servants
+who had watched the house from dawn, stopped her with the question--
+
+"Do you seek the king?"
+
+"Yes," said she.
+
+"Good; then allow me to be your good friend," said the subtle
+courtier. "I ask your aid and protection, as now I give you mine."
+
+With that he told her what sort of a man the king was, which was his
+weak side, that he was passionate one day and silent the next, that
+she would luxuriously lodged and well kept, but that she must keep the
+king well in hand; in short, he chatted so pleasantly that the time
+passed quickly until she found herself in the Hotel de l'Hirundelle
+where afterwards lived Madame d'Estampes. The poor husband shed
+scalding tears, when he found his little bird had flown, and became
+melancholy and pensive. His friends and neighbours edified his ears
+with as many taunts and jeers as Saint Jacques had the honour of
+receiving in Compostella, but the poor fellow took it so to heart,
+that at last they tried rather to assuage his grief. These artful
+compeers by a species of legal chicanery, decreed that the good man
+was not a cuckold, seeing that his wife had refused a consummation,
+and if the planter of horns had been anyone but the king, the said
+marriage might have been dissolved; but the amorous spouse was
+wretched unto death at my lady's trick. However, he left her to the
+king, determining one day to have her to himself, and thinking that a
+life-long shame would not be too dear a payment for a night with her.
+One must love well to love like that, eh? and there are many worldly
+ones, who mock at such affection. But he, still thinking of her,
+neglected his cases and his clients, his robberies and everything. He
+went to the palace like a miser searching for a lost sixpence, bowed
+down, melancholy, and absent-minded, so much so, that one day he
+relieved himself against the robe of a counsellor, believing all the
+while he stood against a wall. Meanwhile the beautiful girl was loved
+night and day by the king, who could not tear himself from her
+embraces, because in amorous play she was so excellent, knowing as
+well how to fan the flame of love as to extinguish it--to-day snubbing
+him, to-morrow petting him, never the same, and with it a thousand
+little tricks to charm the ardent lover.
+
+A lord of Bridore killed himself through her, because she would not
+receive his embraces, although he offered her his land, Bridore in
+Touraine. Of these gallants of Touraine, who gave an estate for one
+tilt with love's lance, there are none left. This death made the fair
+one sad, and since her confessor laid the blame of it upon her, she
+determined for the future to accept all domains and secretly ease
+their owner's amorous pains for the better saving of their souls from
+perdition. 'Twas thus she commenced to build up that great fortune
+which made her a person of consideration in the town. By this means
+she prevented many gallant gentlemen from perishing, playing her game
+so well, and inventing such fine stories, that his Majesty little
+guessed how much she aided him in securing the happiness of his
+subjects. The fact is, she has such a hold over him that she could
+have made him believe the floor was the ceiling, which was perhaps
+easier for him to think than anyone else seeing that at the Rue
+d'Hirundelle my lord king passed the greater portion of his time
+embracing her always as though he would see if such a lovely article
+would wear away: but he wore himself out first, poor man, seeing that
+he eventually died from excess of love. Although she took care to
+grant her favours only to the best and noblest in the court, and that
+such occasions were rare as miracles, there were not wanting those
+among her enemies and rivals who declared that for 10,000 crowns a
+simple gentleman might taste the pleasures of his sovereign, which was
+false above all falseness, for when her lord taxed her with it, did
+she not reply, "Abominable wretches! Curse the devils who put this
+idea in your head! I never yet did have man who spent less than 30,000
+crowns upon me."
+
+The king, although vexed could not repress a smile, and kept her on a
+month to silence scandal. And last, la demoiselle de Pisseleu, anxious
+to obtain her place, brought about her ruin. Many would have liked to
+be ruined in the same way, seeing she was taken by a young lord, was
+happy with him, the fires of love in her being still unquenched. But
+to take up the thread again. One day that the king's sweetheart was
+passing through the town in her litter to buy laces, furs, velvets,
+broideries, and other ammunition, and so charmingly attired, and
+looking so lovely, that anyone, especially the clerks, would have
+believed the heavens were open above them, behold, her good man, who
+comes upon her near the old cross. She, at that time lazily swinging
+her charming little foot over the side of the litter, drew in her head
+as though she had seen an adder. She was a good wife, for I know some
+who would have proudly passed their husbands, to their shame and to
+the great disrespect of conjugal rights.
+
+"What is the matter?" asked one M. de Lannoy, who humbly accompanied
+her.
+
+"Nothing," she whispered; "but that person is my husband. Poor man,
+how changed he looks. Formerly he was the picture of a monkey; today
+he is the very image of a Job."
+
+The poor advocate stood opened-mouthed. His heart beat rapidly at the
+sight of that little foot--of that wife so wildly loved.
+
+Observing which, the Sire de Lannoy said to him, with courtly
+innocence--
+
+"If you are her husband, is that any reason you should stop her
+passage?"
+
+At this she burst out laughing, and the good husband instead of
+killing her bravely, shed scalding tears at that laugh which pierced
+his heart, his soul, his everything, so much that he nearly tumbled
+over an old citizen whom the sight of the king's sweetheart had driven
+against the wall. The aspect of this weak flower, which had been his
+in the bud, but far from him had spread its lovely leaves; of the
+fairy figure, the voluptuous bust--all this made the poor advocate
+more wretched and more mad for her than it is possible to express in
+words. You must have been madly in love with a woman who refuses your
+advances thoroughly to understand the agony of this unhappy man. Rare
+indeed is it to be so infatuated as he was. He swore that life,
+fortune, honour--all might go, but that for once at least he would be
+flesh-to-flesh with her, and make so grand a repast off her dainty
+body as would suffice him all his life. He passed the night saying,
+"oh yes; ah! I'll have her!" and "Curses am I not her husband?" and
+"Devil take me," striking himself on the forehead and tossing about.
+There are chances and occasions which occur so opportunely in this
+world that little-minded men refuse them credence, saying they are
+supernatural, but men of high intellect know them to be true because
+they could not be invented. One of the chances came to the poor
+advocate, even the day after that terrible one which had been so sore
+a trial to him. One of his clients, a man of good renown, who had his
+audiences with the king, came one morning to the advocate, saying that
+he required immediately a large sum of money, about 12,000 crowns. To
+which the artful fellow replied, 12,000 crowns were not so often met
+at the corner of a street as that which often is seen at the corner of
+the street; that besides the sureties and guarantees of interest, it
+was necessary to find a man who had about him 12,000 crowns, and that
+those gentlemen were not numerous in Paris, big city as it was, and
+various other things of a like character the man of cunning remarked.
+
+"Is it true, my lord, the you have a hungry and relentless creditor?"
+said he.
+
+"Yes, yes," replied the other, "it concerns the mistress of the king.
+Don't breathe a syllable; but this evening, in consideration of 20,000
+crowns and my domain of Brie, I shall take her measure."
+
+Upon this the advocate blanched, and the courtier perceived he touched
+a tender point. As he had only lately returned from the wars, he did
+not know that the lovely woman adored by the king had a husband.
+
+"You appear ill," he said.
+
+"I have a fever," replied the knave. "But is it to her that you give
+the contract and the money?"
+
+"Yes."
+
+"Who then manages the bargain? Is it she also?"
+
+"No," said the noble; "her little arrangements are concluded through a
+servant of hers, the cleverest little ladies'-maid that ever was.
+She's sharper than mustard, and these nights stolen from the king have
+lined her pockets well."
+
+"I know a Lombard who would accommodate you. But nothing can be done;
+of the 12,000 crowns you shall not have a brass farthing if this same
+ladies'-maid does not come here to take the price of the article that
+is so great an alchemist that turns blood into gold, by Heaven!"
+
+"It will be a good trick to make her sign the receipt," replied the
+lord, laughing.
+
+The servant came faithfully to the rendezvous with the advocate, who
+had begged the lord to bring her. The ducats looked bright and
+beautiful. There they lay all in a row, like nuns going to vespers.
+Spread out upon the table they would have made a donkey smile, even if
+he were being gutted alive; so lovely, so splendid, were those brave
+noble young piles. The good advocate, however, had prepared this view
+for no ass, for the little handmaiden look longingly at the golden
+heap, and muttered a prayer at the sight of them. Seeing which, the
+husband whispered in her ear his golden words, "These are for you."
+
+"Ah!" said she; "I have never been so well paid."
+
+"My dear," replied the dear man, "you shall have them without being
+troubled with me;" and turning her round, "Your client has not told
+you who I am, eh? No? Learn then, I am the husband of the lady whom
+the king has debauched, and whom you serve. Carry her these crowns,
+and come back here. I will hand over yours to you on a condition which
+will be to your taste."
+
+The servant did as she was bidden, and being very curious to know how
+she could get 12,000 crowns without sleeping with the advocate, was
+very soon back again.
+
+"Now, my little one," said he, "here are 12,000 crowns. With this sum
+I could buy lands, men, women, and the conscience of three priests at
+least; so that I believe if I give it to you I can have you, body,
+soul, and toe nails. And I shall have faith in you like an advocate, I
+expect that you will go to the lord who expects to pass the night with
+my wife, and you will deceive him, by telling him that the king is
+coming to supper with her, and that to-night he must seek his little
+amusements elsewhere. By so doing I shall be able to take his place
+and the king's."
+
+"But how?" said she.
+
+"Oh!" replied he; "I have bought you, you and your tricks. You won't
+have to look at these crowns twice without finding me a way to have my
+wife. In bringing this conjunction about you commit no sin. It is a
+work of piety to bring together two people whose hands only been put
+one in to the other, and that by the priest."
+
+"By my faith, come," said she; "after supper the lights will be put
+out, and you can enjoy Madame if you remain silent. Luckily, on these
+joyful occasions she cries more than she speaks, and asks questions
+with her hands alone, for she is very modest, and does not like loose
+jokes, like the ladies of the Court."
+
+"Oh," cried the advocate, "look, take the 12,000 crowns, and I promise
+you twice as much more if I get by fraud that which belongs to me by
+right."
+
+Then he arranged the hour, the door, the signal, and all; and the
+servant went away, bearing with her on the back of the mules the
+golden treasure wrung by fraud and trickery from the widow and the
+orphan, and they were all going to that place where everything
+goes--save our lives, which come from it. Now behold my advocate, who
+shaves himself, scents himself, goes without onions for dinner that
+his breath may be sweet, and does everything to make himself as
+presentable as a gallant signor. He gives himself the airs of a young
+dandy, tries to be lithe and frisky and to disguise his ugly face; he
+might try all he knew, he always smelt of the musty lawyer. He was not
+so clever as the pretty washerwoman of Portillon who one day wishing
+to appear at her best before one of her lovers, got rid of a
+disagreeable odour in a manner well known to young women of an
+inventive turn of mind. But our crafty fellow fancied himself the
+nicest man in the world, although in spite of his drugs and perfumes
+he was really the nastiest. He dressed himself in his thinnest clothes
+although the cold pinched him like a rope collar and sallied forth,
+quickly gaining the Rue d'Hirundelle. There he had to wait some time.
+But just as he was beginning to think he had been made a fool of, and
+just as it was quite dark, the maid came down and opened alike the
+door to him and good husband slipped gleefully into the king's
+apartment. The girl locked him carefully in a cupboard that was close
+to his wife's bed, and through a crack he feasted his eyes upon her
+beauty, for she undressed herself before the fire, and put on a thin
+nightgown, through which her charms were plainly visible. Believing
+herself alone with her maid she made those little jokes that women
+will when undressing. "Am I not worth 20,000 crowns to-night? Is that
+overpaid with a castle in Brie?"
+
+And saying this she gently raised two white supports, firm as rocks,
+which had well sustained many assaults, seeing they had been furiously
+attacked and had not softened. "My shoulders alone are worth a
+kingdom; no king could make their equal. But I am tired of this life.
+That which is hard work is no pleasure." The little maid smiled, and
+her lovely mistress said to her, "I should like to see you in my
+place." Then the maid laughed, saying--
+
+"Be quiet, Madame, he is there."
+
+"Who?"
+
+"Your husband."
+
+"Which?"
+
+"The real one."
+
+"Chut!" said Madame.
+
+And her maid told her the whole story, wishing to keep her favour and
+the 12,000 crowns as well.
+
+"Oh well, he shall have his money's worth. I'll give his desires time
+to cool. If he tastes me may I lose my beauty and become as ugly as a
+monkey's baby. You get into bed in my place and thus gain the 12,000
+crowns. Go and tell him that he must take himself off early in the
+morning in order that I may not find out your trick upon me, and just
+before dawn I will get in by his side."
+
+The poor husband was freezing and his teeth were chattering, and the
+chambermaid coming to the cupboard on pretence of getting some linen,
+said to him, "Your hour of bliss approaches. Madame to-night has made
+grand preparations and you will be well served. But work without
+whistling, otherwise I shall be lost."
+
+At last, when the good husband was on the point of perishing with
+cold, the lights were put out. The maid cried softly in the curtains
+to the king's sweetheart, that his lordship was there, and jumped into
+bed, while her mistress went out as if she had been the chambermaid.
+The advocate, released from his cold hiding-place, rolled rapturously
+into the warm sheets, thinking to himself, "Oh! this is good!" To tell
+the truth, the maid gave him his money's worth--and the good man
+thought of the difference between the profusion of the royal houses
+and the niggardly ways of the citizens' wives. The servant laughing,
+played her part marvellously well, regaling the knave with gentle
+cries, shiverings, convulsions and tossings about, like a newly-caught
+fish on the grass, giving little Ah! Ahs! in default of other words;
+and as often as the request was made by her, so often was it complied
+with by the advocate, who dropped of to sleep at last, like an empty
+pocket. But before finishing, the lover who wished to preserve a
+souvenir of this sweet night of love, by a dextrous turn, plucked out
+one of his wife's hairs, where from I know not, seeing I was not
+there, and kept in his hand this precious gauge of the warm virtue of
+that lovely creature. Towards the morning, when the cock crew, the
+wife slipped in beside her husband, and pretended to sleep. Then the
+maid tapped gently on the happy man's forehead, whispering in his ear,
+"It is time, get into your clothes and off you go--it's daylight." The
+good man grieved to lose his treasure, and wished to see the source of
+his vanished happiness.
+
+"Oh! Oh!" said he, proceeding to compare certain things, "I've got
+light hair, and this is dark."
+
+"What have you done?" said the servant; "Madame will see she has been
+duped."
+
+"But look."
+
+"Ah!" said she, with an air of disdain, "do you not know, you who
+knows everything, that that which is plucked dies and discolours?" and
+thereupon roaring with laughter at the good joke, she pushed him out
+of doors. This became known. The poor advocate, named Feron, died of
+shame, seeing that he was the only one who had not his own wife while
+she, who was from this was called La Belle Feroniere, married, after
+leaving the king, a young lord, Count of Buzancois. And in her old
+days she would relate the story, laughingly adding, that she had never
+scented the knave's flavour.
+
+This teaches us not to attach ourselves more than we can help to wives
+who refuse to support our yoke.
+
+
+
+                          THE DEVIL'S HEIR
+
+There once was a good old canon of Notre Dame de Paris, who lived in a
+fine house of his own, near St. Pierre-aux-Boeufs, in the Parvis. This
+canon had come a simple priest to Paris, naked as a dagger without its
+sheath. But since he was found to be a handsome man, well furnished
+with everything, and so well constituted, that if necessary he was
+able to do the work of many, without doing himself much harm, he gave
+himself up earnestly to the confessing of ladies, giving to the
+melancholy a gentle absolution, to the sick a drachm of his balm, to
+all some little dainty. He was so well known for his discretion, his
+benevolence, and other ecclesiastical qualities, that he had customers
+at Court. Then in order not to awaken the jealousy of the officials,
+that of the husbands and others, in short, to endow with sanctity
+these good and profitable practices, the Lady Desquerdes gave him a
+bone of St. Victor, by virtue of which all the miracles were
+performed. And to the curious it was said, "He has a bone which will
+cure everything;" and to this, no one found anything to reply, because
+it was not seemly to suspect relics. Beneath the shade of his cassock,
+the good priest had the best of reputations, that of a man valiant
+under arms. So he lived like a king. He made money with holy water;
+sprinkled it and transmitted the holy water into good wine. More than
+that, his name lay snugly in all the et ceteras of the notaries, in
+wills or in caudicils, which certain people have falsely written
+_codicil_, seeing that the word is derived from cauda, as if to say the
+tail of the legacy. In fact, the good old Long Skirts would have been
+made an archbishop if he had only said in joke, "I should like to put
+on a mitre for a handkerchief in order to have my head warmer." Of all
+the benefices offered to him, he chose only a simple canon's stall to
+keep the good profits of the confessional. But one day the courageous
+canon found himself weak in the back, seeing that he was all
+sixty-eight years old, and had held many confessionals. Then thinking
+over all his good works, he thought it about time to cease his
+apostolic labours, the more so, as he possessed about one hundred
+thousand crowns earned by the sweat of his body. From that day he only
+confessed ladies of high lineage, and did it very well. So that it was
+said at Court that in spite of the efforts of the best young clerks
+there was still no one but the Canon of St. Pierre-aux-Boeufs to
+properly bleach the soul of a lady of condition. Then at length the
+canon became by force of nature a fine nonagenarian, snowy about the
+head, with trembling hands, but square as a tower, having spat so much
+without coughing, that he coughed now without being able to spit; no
+longer rising from his chair, he who had so often risen for humanity;
+but drinking dry, eating heartily, saying nothing, but having all the
+appearance of a living Canon of Notre Dame. Seeing the immobility of
+the aforesaid canon; seeing the stories of his evil life which for
+some time had circulated among the common people, always ignorant;
+seeing his dumb seclusion, his flourishing health, his young old age,
+and other things too numerous to mention--there were certain people
+who to do the marvellous and injure our holy religion, went about
+saying that the true canon was long since dead, and that for more than
+fifty years the devil had taken possession of the old priest's body.
+In fact, it seemed to his former customers that the devil could only
+by his great heat have furnished these hermetic distillations, that
+they remembered to have obtained on demand from this good confessor,
+who always had le diable au corps. But as this devil had been
+undoubtedly cooked and ruined by them, and that for a queen of twenty
+years he would not have moved, well-disposed people and those not
+wanting in sense, or the citizens who argued about everything, people
+who found lice in bald heads, demanded why the devil rested under the
+form of a canon, went to the Church of Notre Dame at the hours when
+the canons usually go, and ventured so far as to sniff the perfume of
+the incense, taste the holy water, and a thousand other things. To
+these heretical propositions some said that doubtless the devil wished
+to convert himself, and others that he remained in the shape of the
+canon to mock at the three nephews and heirs of this said brave
+confessor and make them wait until the day of their own death for the
+ample succession of this uncle, to whom they paid great attention
+every day, going to look if the good man had his eyes open, and in
+fact found him always with his eye clear, bright, and piercing as the
+eye of a basilisk, which pleased them greatly, since they loved their
+uncle very much--in words. On this subject an old woman related that
+for certain the canon was the devil, because his two nephews, the
+procureur and the captain, conducting their uncle at night, without a
+lamp, or lantern, returning from a supper at the penitentiary's, had
+caused him by accident to tumble over a heap of stones gathered
+together to raise the statue of St. Christopher. At first the old man
+had struck fire in falling, but was, amid the cries of his dear
+nephews and by the light of the torches they came to seek at her house
+found standing up as straight as a skittle and as gay as a weaving
+whirl, exclaiming that the good wine of the penitentiary had given him
+the courage to sustain this shock and that his bones were exceedingly
+hard and had sustained rude assaults. The good nephews believing him
+dead, were much astonished, and perceived that the day that was to
+dispatch their uncle was a long way off, seeing that at the business
+stones were of no use. So that they did not falsely call him their
+good uncle, seeing that he was of good quality. Certain scandalmongers
+said that the canon found so many stones in his path that he stayed at
+home not to be ill with the stone, and the fear of worse was the cause
+of his seclusion.
+
+Of all these sayings and rumours, it remains that the old canon, devil
+or not, kept his house, and refused to die, and had three heirs with
+whom he lived as with his sciaticas, lumbagos, and other appendage of
+human life. Of the said three heirs, one was the wickedest soldier
+ever born of a woman, and he must have considerably hurt her in
+breaking his egg, since he was born with teeth and bristles. So that
+he ate, two-fold, for the present and the future, keeping wenches
+whose cost he paid; inheriting from his uncle the continuance,
+strength, and good use of that which is often of service. In great
+battles, he endeavoured always to give blows without receiving them,
+which is, and always will be, the only problem to solve in war, but he
+never spared himself there, and, in fact, as he had no other virtue
+except his bravery, he was captain of a company of lancers, and much
+esteemed by the Duke of Burgoyne, who never troubled what his soldiers
+did elsewhere. This nephew of the devil was named Captain Cochegrue;
+and his creditors, the blockheads, citizens, and others, whose pockets
+he slit, called him the Mau-cinge, since he was as mischievous as
+strong; but he had moreover his back spoilt by the natural infirmity
+of a hump, and it would have been unwise to attempt to mount thereon
+to get a good view, for he would incontestably have run you through.
+
+The second had studied the laws, and through the favour of his uncle
+had become a procureur, and practised at the palace, where he did the
+business of the ladies, whom formerly the canon had the best
+confessed. This one was called Pille-grue, to banter him upon his real
+name, which was Cochegrue, like that of his brother the captain.
+Pille-grue had a lean body, seemed to throw off very cold water, was
+pale of face, and possessed a physiognomy like a polecat.
+
+This notwithstanding, he was worth many a penny more than the captain,
+and had for his uncle a little affection, but since about two years
+his heart had cracked a little, and drop by drop his gratitude had run
+out, in such a way that from time to time, when the air was damp, he
+liked to put his feet into his uncle's hose, and press in advance the
+juice of this good inheritance. He and his brother, the soldier found
+their share very small, since loyally, in law, in fact, in justice, in
+nature, and in reality, it was necessary to give the third part of
+everything to a poor cousin, son of another sister of the canon, the
+which heir, but little loved by the good man, remained in the country,
+where he was a shepherd, near Nanterre.
+
+The guardian of beasts, an ordinary peasant, came to town by the
+advice of his two cousins, who placed him in their uncle's house, in
+the hope that, as much by his silly tricks and his clumsiness, his
+want of brain, and his ignorance, he would be displeasing to the
+canon, who would kick him out of his will. Now this poor Chiquon, as
+the shepherd was named, had lived about a month alone with his old
+uncle, and finding more profit or more amusement in minding an abbot
+than looking after sheep, made himself the canon's dog, his servant,
+the staff of his old age, saying, "God keep you," when he passed wind,
+"God save you," when he sneezed, and "God guard you," when he belched;
+going to see if it rained, where the cat was, remaining silent,
+listening, speaking, receiving the coughs of the old man in his face,
+admiring him as the finest canon there ever was in the world, all
+heartily and in good faith, knowing that he was licking him after the
+manner of animals who clean their young ones; and the uncle, who stood
+in no need of learning which side the bread was buttered, repulsed
+poor Chiquon, making him turn about like a die, always calling him
+Chiquon, and always saying to his other nephews that this Chiquon was
+helping to kill him, such a numskull was he. Thereupon, hearing this,
+Chiquon determined to do well by his uncle, and puzzled his
+understanding to appear better; but as he had a behind shaped like a
+pair of pumpkins, was broad shouldered, large limbed, and far from
+sharp, he more resembled old Silenus than a gentle Zephyr. In fact,
+the poor shepherd, a simple man, could not reform himself, so he
+remained big and fat, awaiting his inheritance to make himself thin.
+
+One evening the canon began discoursing concerning the devil and
+the grave agonies, penances, tortures, etc., which God will get warm
+for the accursed, and the good Chiquon hearing it, began to open his
+eyes as wide as the door of an oven, at the statement, without
+believing a word of it.
+
+"What," said the canon, "are you not a Christian?"
+
+"In that, yes," answered Chiquon.
+
+"Well, there is a paradise for the good; is it not necessary to have a
+hell for the wicked?"
+
+"Yes, Mr. Canon; but the devil's of no use. If you had here a wicked
+man who turned everything upside down; would you not kick him out of
+doors?"
+
+"Yes, Chiquon."
+
+"Oh, well, mine uncle; God would be very stupid to leave in the this
+world, which he has so curiously constructed, an abominable devil
+whose special business it is to spoil everything for him. Pish! I
+recognise no devil if there be a good God; you may depend upon that. I
+should very much like to see the devil. Ha, ha! I am not afraid of his
+claws!"
+
+"And if I were of your opinion I should have no care of my very
+youthful years in which I held confessions at least ten times a day."
+
+"Confess again, Mr. Canon. I assure you that will be a precious merit
+on high."
+
+"There, there! Do you mean it?"
+
+"Yes, Mr. Canon."
+
+"Thou dost not tremble, Chiquon, to deny the devil?"
+
+"I trouble no more about it than a sheaf of corn."
+
+"The doctrine will bring misfortune upon you."
+
+"By no means. God will defend me from the devil because I believe him
+more learned and less stupid than the savans make him out."
+
+Thereupon the two other nephews entered, and perceiving from the voice
+of the canon that he did not dislike Chiquon very much, and that the
+jeremiads which he had made concerning him were simple tricks to
+disguise the affection which he bore him, looked at each other in
+great astonishment.
+
+Then, seeing their uncle laughing, they said to him--
+
+"If you will make a will, to whom will you leave the house?
+
+"To Chiquon."
+
+"And the quit rent of the Rue St. Denys?"
+
+"To Chiquon."
+
+"And the fief of Ville Parisis?"
+
+"To Chiquon."
+
+"But," said the captain, with his big voice, "everything then will be
+Chiquon's."
+
+"No," replied the canon, smiling, "because I shall have made my will
+in proper form, the inheritance will be to the sharpest of you three;
+I am so near to the future, that I can therein see clearly your
+destinies."
+
+And the wily canon cast upon Chiquon a glance full of malice, like a
+decoy bird would have thrown upon a little one to draw him into her
+net. The fire of his flaming eye enlightened the shepherd, who from
+that moment had his understanding and his ears all unfogged, and his
+brain open, like that of a maiden the day after her marriage. The
+procureur and the captain, taking these sayings for gospel prophecies,
+made their bow and went out from the house, quite perplexed at the
+absurd designs of the canon.
+
+"What do you think of Chiquon?" said Pille-grue to Mau-cinge.
+
+"I think, I think," said the soldier, growling, "that I think of
+hiding myself in the Rue d'Hierusalem, to put his head below his feet;
+he can pick it up again if he likes."
+
+"Oh, oh!" said the procureur, "you have a way of wounding that is
+easily recognised, and people would say 'It's Cochegrue.' As for me, I
+thought to invite him to dinner, after which, we would play at putting
+ourselves in a sack in order to see, as they do at Court, who could
+walk best thus attired. Then having sewn him up, we could throw him
+into the Seine, at the same time begging him to swim."
+
+"This must be well matured," replied the soldier.
+
+"Oh! it's quite ripe," said the advocate. "The cousin gone to the
+devil, the heritage would then be between us two."
+
+"I'm quite agreeable," said the fighter, "but we must stick as close
+together as the two legs of the same body, for if you are fine as
+silk, I as strong as steel, and daggers are always as good as traps
+--you hear that, my good brother."
+
+"Yes," said the advocate, "the cause is heard--now shall it be the
+thread or the iron?"
+
+"Eh? ventre de Dieu! is it then a king that we are going to settle?
+For a simple numskull of a shepherd are so many words necessary? Come!
+20,000 francs out of the Heritage to the one of us who shall first cut
+him off: I'll say to him in good faith, 'Pick up your head.'"
+
+"And I, 'Swim my friend,'" cried the advocate, laughing like the gap
+of a pourpoint.
+
+And then they went to supper, the captain to his wench, and the
+advocate to the house of a jeweller's wife, of whom he was the lover.
+
+Who was astonished? Chiquon! The poor shepherd heard the planning of
+his death, although the two cousins had walked in the parvis, and
+talked to each other as every one speaks at church when praying to
+God. So that Chiquon was much coupled to know if the words had come up
+or if his ears had gone down.
+
+"Do you hear, Mister Canon?"
+
+"Yes," said he, "I hear the wood crackling in the fire."
+
+"Ho, ho!" replied Chiquon, "if I don't believe in the devil, I believe
+in St. Michael, my guardian angel; I go there where he calls me."
+
+"Go, my child," said the canon, "and take care not to wet yourself,
+nor to get your head knocked off, for I think I hear more rain, and
+the beggars in the street are not always the most dangerous beggars."
+
+At these words Chiquon was much astonished, and stared at the canon;
+found his manner gay, his eye sharp, and his feet crooked; but as he
+had to arrange matters concerning the death which menaced him, he
+thought to himself that he would always have leisure to admire the
+canon, or to cut his nails, and he trotted off quickly through the
+town, as a little woman trots towards her pleasure.
+
+His two cousins having no presumption of the divinatory science, of
+which shepherds have had many passing attacks, had often talked before
+him of their secret goings on, counting him as nothing.
+
+Now one evening, to amuse the canon, Pille-grue had recounted to him
+how had fallen in love with him a wife of a jeweller on whose head he
+had adjusted certain carved, burnished, sculptured, historical horns,
+fit for the brow of a prince. The good lady was to hear him, a right
+merry wench, quick at opportunities, giving an embrace while her
+husband was mounting the stairs, devouring the commodity as if she was
+swallowing a a strawberry, only thinking of love-making, always
+trifling and frisky, gay as an honest woman who lacks nothing,
+contenting her husband, who cherished her so much as he loved his own
+gullet; subtle as a perfume, so much so, that for five years she
+managed so well with his household affairs, and her own love affairs,
+that she had the reputation of a prudent woman, the confidence of her
+husband, the keys of the house, the purse, and all.
+
+"And when do you play upon this gentle flute?" said the canon.
+
+"Every evening and sometimes I stay all the night."
+
+"But how?" said the canon, astonished.
+
+"This is how. There is a room close to, a chest into which I get. When
+the good husband returns from his friend the draper's, where he goes
+to supper every evening, because often he helps the draper's wife in
+her work, my mistress pleads a slight illness, lets him go to bed
+alone, and comes to doctor her malady in the room where the chest is.
+On the morrow, when my jeweller is at his forge, I depart, and as the
+house has one exit on to the bridge, and another into the street, I
+always come to the door when the husband is not, on the pretext of
+speaking to him of his suits, which commence joyfully and heartily,
+and I never let them come to an end. It is an income from cuckoldom,
+seeing that in the minor expenses and loyal costs of the proceedings,
+he spends as much as on the horses in his stable. He loves me well, as
+all good cuckolds should love the man who aids them, to plant,
+cultivate, water and dig the natural garden of Venus, and he does
+nothing without me."
+
+Now these practices came back again to the memory of the shepherd, who
+was illuminated by the light issuing from his danger, and counselled
+by the intelligence of those measures of self-preservation, of which
+every animal possesses a sufficient dose to go to the end of his ball
+of life. So Chiquon gained with hasty feet the Rue de la Calandre,
+where the jeweller should be supping with his companion, and after
+having knocked at the door, replied to question put to him through the
+little grill, that he was a messenger on state secrets, and was
+admitted to the draper's house. Now coming straight to the fact, he
+made the happy jeweller get up from his table, led him to a corner,
+and said to him: "If one of your neighbours had planted a horn on your
+forehead and he was delivered to you, bound hand and foot, would you
+throw him into the river?"
+
+"Rather," said the jeweller, "but if you are mocking me I'll give you
+a good drubbing."
+
+"There, there!" replied Chiquon, "I am one of your friends and come to
+warn you that as many times as you have conversed with the draper's
+wife here, as often has your own wife been served the same way by the
+advocate Pille-grue, and if you will come back to your forge, you will
+find a good fire there. On your arrival, he who looks after your
+you-know-what, to keep it in good order, gets into the big clothes
+chest. Now make a pretence that I have bought the said chest of you,
+and I will be upon the bridge with a cart, waiting your orders."
+
+The said jeweller took his cloak and his hat, and parted company with
+his crony without saying a word, and ran to his hole like a poisoned
+rat. He arrives and knocks, the door is opened, he runs hastily up the
+stairs, finds two covers laid, sees his wife coming out of the chamber
+of love, and then says to her, "My dear, here are two covers laid."
+
+"Well, my darling are we not two?"
+
+"No," said he, "we are three."
+
+"Is your friend coming?" said she, looking towards the stairs with
+perfect innocence.
+
+"No, I speak of the friend who is in the chest."
+
+"What chest?" said she. "Are you in your sound senses? Where do you
+see a chest? Is the usual to put friends in chests? Am I a woman to
+keep chests full of friends? How long have friends been kept in
+chests? Are you come home mad to mix up your friends with your chests?
+I know no other friend then Master Cornille the draper, and no other
+chest than the one with our clothes in."
+
+"Oh!" said the jeweller, "my good woman, there is a bad young man,
+who has come to warn me that you allow yourself to be embraced by our
+advocate, and that he is in the chest."
+
+"I!" said she, "I would not put up with his knavery, he does
+everything the wrong way."
+
+"There, there, my dear," replied the jeweller, "I know you to be a
+good woman, and won't have a squabble with you about this paltry
+chest. The giver of the warning is a box-maker, to whom I am about to
+sell this cursed chest that I wish never again to see in my house, and
+for this one he will sell me two pretty little ones, in which there
+will not be space enough even for a child; thus the scandal and the
+babble of those envious of your virtue will be extinguished for want
+of nourishment."
+
+"You give me great pleasure," said she; "I don't attach any value to
+my chest, and by chance there is nothing in it. Our linen is at the
+wash. It will be easy to have the mischievous chest taken away
+tomorrow morning. Will you sup?"
+
+"Not at all," said he, "I shall sup with a better appetite without the
+chest."
+
+"I see," said she, "that you won't easily get the chest out of your
+head."
+
+"Halloa, there!" said the jeweller to his smiths and apprentices;
+"come down!"
+
+In the twinkling of an eye his people were before him. Then he, their
+master, having briefly ordered the handling of the said chest, this
+piece of furniture dedicated to love was tumbled across the room, but
+in passing the advocate, finding his feet in the air to the which he
+was not accustomed, tumbled over a little.
+
+"Go on," said the wife, "go on, it's the lid shaking."
+
+"No, my dear, it's the bolt."
+
+And without any other opposition the chest slid gently down the
+stairs.
+
+"Ho there, carrier!" said the jeweller, and Chiquon came whistling his
+mules, and the good apprentices lifted the litigious chest into the
+cart.
+
+"Hi, hi!" said the advocate.
+
+"Master, the chest is speaking," said an apprentice.
+
+"In what language?" said the jeweller, giving him a good kick between
+two features that luckily were not made of glass. The apprentice
+tumbled over on to a stair in a way that induced him to discontinue
+his studies in the language of chests. The shepherd, accompanied by
+the good jeweller, carried all the baggage to the water-side without
+listening to the high eloquence of the speaking wood, and having tied
+several stones to it, the jeweller threw it into the Seine.
+
+"Swim, my friend," cried the shepherd, in a voice sufficiently jeering
+at the moment when the chest turned over, giving a pretty little
+plunge like a duck.
+
+Then Chiquon continued to proceed along the quay, as far as the
+Rue-du-port, St. Laudry, near the cloisters of Notre Dame. There he
+noticed a house, recognised the door, and knocked loudly.
+
+"Open," said he, "open by order of the king."
+
+Hearing this an old man who was no other than the famous Lombard,
+Versoris, ran to the door.
+
+"What is it?" said he.
+
+"I am sent by the provost to warn you to keep good watch tonight,"
+replied Chiquon, "as for his own part he will keep his archers ready.
+The hunchback who has robbed you has come back again. Keep under arms,
+for he is quite capable of easing you of the rest."
+
+Having said this, the good shepherd took to his heels and ran to the
+Rue des Marmouzets, to the house where Captain Cochegrue was feasting
+with La Pasquerette, the prettiest of town-girls, and the most
+charming in perversity that ever was; according to all the gay ladies,
+her glance was sharp and piercing as the stab of a dagger. Her
+appearance was so tickling to the sight, that it would have put all
+Paradise to rout. Besides which she was as bold as a woman who has no
+other virtue than her insolence. Poor Chiquon was greatly embarrassed
+while going to the quarter of the Marmouzets. He was greatly afraid
+that he would be unable to find the house of La Pasquerette, or find
+the two pigeons gone to roost, but a good angel arranged there
+speedily to his satisfaction. This is how. On entering the Rue des
+Marmouzets he saw several lights at the windows and night-capped heads
+thrust out, and good wenches, gay girls, housewives, husbands, and
+young ladies, all of them are just out of bed, looking at each other
+as if a robber were being led to execution by torchlight.
+
+"What's the matter?" said the shepherd to a citizen who in great haste
+had rushed to the door with a chamber utensil in his hand.
+
+"Oh! it's nothing," replied the good man. "We thought it was the
+Armagnacs descending upon the town, but it's only Mau-cinge beating La
+Pasquerette."
+
+"Where?" asked the shepherd.
+
+"Below there, at that fine house where the pillars have the mouths of
+flying frogs delicately carved upon them. Do you hear the varlets and
+the serving maids?"
+
+And in fact there was nothing but cries of "Murder! Help! Come some
+one!" and in the house blows raining down and the Mau-cinge said with
+his gruff voice:
+
+"Death to the wench! Ah, you sing out now, do you? Ah, you want your
+money now, do you? Take that--"
+
+And La Pasquerette was groaning, "Oh! oh! I die! Help! Help! Oh! oh!"
+Then came the blow of a sword and the heavy fall of a light body of
+the fair girl sounded, and was followed by a great silence, after
+which the lights were put out, servants, waiting women, roysterers,
+and others went in again, and the shepherd who had come opportunely
+mounted the stairs in company with them, but on beholding in the room
+above broken glasses, slit carpets, and the cloth on the floor with
+the dishes, everyone remained at a distance.
+
+The shepherd, bold as a man with but one end in view, opened the door
+of the handsome chamber where slept La Pasquerette, and found her
+quite exhausted, her hair dishevelled, and her neck twisted, lying
+upon a bloody carpet, and Mau-cinge frightened, with his tone
+considerably lower, and not knowing upon what note to sing the
+remainder of his anthem.
+
+"Come, my little Pasquerette, don't pretend to be dead. Come, let me
+put you tidy. Ah! little minx, dead or alive, you look so pretty in
+your blood I'm going to kiss you." Having said which the cunning
+soldier took her and threw her upon the bed, but she fell there all of
+a heap, and stiff as the body of a man that had been hanged. Seeing
+which her companion found it was time for his hump to retire from the
+game; however, the artful fellow before slinking away said, "Poor
+Pasquerette, how could I murder so good of girl, and one I loved so
+much? But, yes, I have killed her, the thing is clear, for in her life
+never did her sweet breast hang down like that. Good God, one would
+say it was a crown at the bottom of a wallet. Thereupon Pasquerette
+opened her eyes and then bent her head slightly to look at her flesh,
+which was white and firm, and she brought herself to life by a box on
+the ears, administered to the captain.
+
+"That will teach you to beware of the dead," said she, smiling.
+
+"And why did he kill you, my cousin?" asked the shepherd.
+
+"Why? Tomorrow the bailiffs seize everything that's here, and he who
+has no more money than virtue, reproached me because I wished to be
+agreeable to a handsome gentlemen, who would save me from the hands of
+justice.
+
+"Pasquerette, I'll break every bone in your skin."
+
+"There, there!" said Chiquon, whom the Mau-cinge had just recognised,
+"is that all? Oh, well, my good friend, I bring you a large sum."
+
+"Where from?" asked the captain, astonished.
+
+"Come here, and let me whisper in your ear--if 30,000 crowns were
+walking about at night under the shadow of a pear-tree, would you not
+stoop down to pluck them, to prevent them spoiling?"
+
+"Chiquon, I'll kill you like a dog if you are making game of me, or I
+will kiss you there where you like it, if you will put me opposite
+30,000 crowns, even when it shall be necessary to kill three citizens
+at the corner of the Quay."
+
+"You will not even kill one. This is how the matter stands. I have for
+a sweetheart in all loyalty, the servant of the Lombard who is in the
+city near the house of our good uncle. Now I have just learned on
+sound information that this dear man has departed this morning into
+the country after having hidden under a pear-tree in his garden a good
+bushel of gold, believing himself to be seen only by the angels. But
+the girl who had by chance a bad toothache, and was taking the air at
+her garret window, spied the old crookshanks, without wishing to do
+so, and chattered of it to me in fondness. If you will swear to give
+me a good share I will lend you my shoulders in order that you may
+climb on to the top of the wall and from there throw yourself into the
+pear-tree, which is against the wall. There, now do you say that I am
+a blockhead, an animal?"
+
+"No, you are a right loyal cousin, an honest man, and if you have ever
+to put an enemy out off the way, I am there, ready to kill even one of
+my own friends for you. I am no longer your cousin, but your brother.
+Ho there! sweetheart," cried Mau-cinge to La Pasquerette, "put the
+tables straight, wipe up your blood, it belongs to me, and I'll pay
+you for it by giving you a hundred times as much of mine as I have
+taken of thine. Make the best of it, shake the black dog, off your
+back, adjust your petticoats, laugh, I wish it, look to the stew, and
+let us recommence our evening prayer where we left it off. Tomorrow
+I'll make thee braver than a queen. This is my cousin whom I wish to
+entertain, even when to do so it were necessary to turn the house out
+of windows. We shall get back everything tomorrow in the cellars.
+Come, fall to!"
+
+Thus, and in less time than it takes a priest to say his Dominus
+vobiscum, the whole rookery passed from tears to laughter as it had
+previously from laughter to tears. It is only in these houses of
+ill-fame that love is made with the blow of a dagger, and where
+tempests of joy rage between four walls. But these are things ladies
+of the high-neck dress do not understand.
+
+The said captain Cochegrue was gay as a hundred schoolboys at the
+breaking up of class, and made his good cousin drink deeply, who
+spilled everything country fashion, and pretended to be drunk,
+spluttering out a hundred stupidities, as, that "tomorrow he would buy
+Paris, would lend a hundred thousand crowns to the king, that he would
+be able to roll in gold;" in fact, talked so much nonsense that the
+captain, fearing some compromising avowal and thinking his brain quite
+muddled enough, led him outside with the good intention, instead of
+sharing with him, of ripping Chiquon open to see if he had not a
+sponge in his stomach, because he had just soaked in a big quart of
+the good wine of Suresne. They went along, disputing about a thousand
+theological subjects which got very much mixed up, and finished by
+rolling quietly up against the garden where were the crowns of the
+Lombard. Then Cochegrue, making a ladder of Chiquon's broad shoulders,
+jumped on to the pear-tree like a man expert in attacks upon towns,
+but Versoris, who was watching him, made a blow at his neck, and
+repeated it so vigorously that with three blows fell the upper portion
+of the said Cochegrue, but not until he had heard the clear voice of
+the shepherd, who cried to him, "Pick up your head, my friend."
+Thereupon the generous Chiquon, in whom virtue received its
+recompense, thought it would be wise to return to the house of the
+good canon, whose heritage was by the grace of God considerably
+simplified. Thus he gained the Rue St. Pierre-Aux-Boeufs with all
+speed, and soon slept like a new-born baby, no longer knowing the
+meaning of the word "cousin-german." Now, on the morrow he rose
+according to the habit of shepherds, with the sun, and came into his
+uncle's room to inquire if he spat white, if he coughed, if he had
+slept well; but the old servant told him that the canon, hearing the
+bells of St Maurice, the first patron of Notre Dame, ring for matins,
+he had gone out of reverence to the cathedral, where all the Chapter
+were to breakfast with the Bishop of Paris; upon which Chiquon
+replied: "Is his reverence the canon out of his senses thus to disport
+himself, to catch a cold, to get rheumatism? Does he wish to die? I'll
+light a big fire to warm him when he returns;" and the good shepherd
+ran into the room where the canon generally sat, and to his great
+astonishment beheld him seated in his chair.
+
+"Ah, ah! What did she mean, that fool of a Bruyette? I knew you were
+too well advised to be shivering at this hour in your stall."
+
+The canon said not a word. The shepherd who was like all thinkers, a
+man of hidden sense, was quite aware that sometimes old men have
+strange crotchets, converse with the essence of occult things, and
+mumble to themselves discourses concerning matters not under
+consideration; so that, from reverence and great respect for the
+secret meditations of the canon, he went and sat down at a distance,
+and waited the termination of these dreams; noticing, silently the
+length of the good man's nails, which looked like cobbler's awls, and
+looking attentively at the feet of his uncle, he was astonished to see
+the flesh of his legs so crimson, that it reddened his breeches and
+seemed all on fire through his hose.
+
+He is dead, thought Chiquon. At this moment the door of the room
+opened, and he still saw the canon, who, his nose frozen, came back
+from church.
+
+"Ho, ho!" said Chiquon, "my dear Uncle, are you out of your senses?
+Kindly take notice that you ought not to be at the door, because you
+are already seated in your chair in the chimney corner, and that it is
+impossible for there to be two canons like you in the world."
+
+"Ah! Chiquon, there was a time when I could have wished to be in two
+places at once, but such is not the fate of a man, he would be too
+happy. Are you getting dim-sighted? I am alone here."
+
+Then Chiquon turned his head towards the chair, and found it empty;
+and much astonished, as you will easily believe, he approached it, and
+found on the seat a little pat of cinders, from which ascended a
+strong odour of sulphur.
+
+"Ah!" said he merrily, "I perceive that the devil has behaved well
+towards me--I will pray God for him."
+
+And thereupon he related naively to the canon how the devil had amused
+himself by playing at providence, and had loyally aided him to get rid
+of his wicked cousins, the which the canon admired much, and thought
+very good, seeing that he had plenty of good sense left, and often had
+observed things which were to the devil's advantage. So the good old
+priest remarked that 'as much good was always met with in evil as evil
+in good, and that therefore one should not trouble too much after the
+other world, the which was a grave heresy, which many councils have
+put right'.
+
+And this was how the Chiquons became rich, and were able in these
+times, by the fortunes of their ancestors, to help to build the bridge
+of St. Michael, where the devil cuts a very good figure under the
+angel, in memory of this adventure now consigned to these veracious
+histories.
+
+
+
+            THE MERRIE JESTS OF KING LOUIS THE ELEVENTH
+
+King Louis The Eleventh was a merry fellow, loving a good joke, and
+--the interests of his position as king, and those of the church on
+one side--he lived jovially, giving chase to soiled doves as often as
+to hares, and other royal game. Therefore, the sorry scribblers who
+have made him out a hypocrite, showed plainly that they knew him not,
+since he was a good friend, good at repartee, and a jollier fellow
+than any of them.
+
+It was he who said when he was in a merry mood, that four things are
+excellent and opportune in life--to keep warm, to drink cool, to stand
+up hard, and to swallow soft. Certain persons have accused him of
+taking up with a dirty trollops; this is a notorious falsehood, since
+all his mistresses, of whom one was legitimised, came of good houses
+and had notable establishments. He did not go in for waste and
+extravagance, always put his hand upon the solid, and because certain
+devourers of the people found no crumbs at his table, they have all
+maligned him. But the real collector of facts know that the said king
+was a capital fellow in private life, and even very agreeable; and
+before cutting off the heads of his friends, or punishing them--for he
+did not spare them--it was necessary that they should have greatly
+offended him, and his vengeance was always justice; I have only seen
+in our friend Verville that this worthy sovereign ever made a mistake;
+but one does not make a habit, and even for this his boon companion
+Tristan was more to blame than he, the king. This is the circumstance
+related by the said Verville, and I suspect he was cracking a joke. I
+reproduce it because certain people are not familiar with the
+exquisite work of my perfect compatriot. I abridge it and only give
+the substance, the details being more ample, of which facts the savans
+are not ignorant.
+
+Louis XI. had given the Abbey of Turpenay (mentioned in 'Imperia') to
+a gentleman who, enjoying the revenue, had called himself Monsieur de
+Turpenay. It happened that the king being at Plessis-les-Tours, the
+real abbot, who was a monk, came and presented himself before the
+king, and presented also a petition, remonstrating with him that,
+canonically and a monastically, he was entitled to the abbey and that
+the usurping gentleman wronged of his right, and therefore he called
+upon his majesty to have justice done to him. Nodding his peruke, the
+king promised to render him contented. This monk, importunate as are
+all hooded animals, came often at the end of the king's meals, who,
+bored with the holy water of the convent, called friend Tristan and
+said to him: "Old fellow, there is here a Turpenay who angers me, rid
+the world of him for me." Tristan, taking a frock for a monk, or a
+monk for a frock, came to this gentleman, whom all the court called
+Monsieur de Turpenay, and having accosted him managed to lead him to
+one side, and taking him by the button-hole gave him to understand
+that the king desired he should die. He tried to resist, supplicating
+and supplicating to escape, but in no way could he obtain a hearing.
+He was delicately strangled between the head and shoulders, so that he
+expired; and, three hours afterwards, Tristan told the king that he
+was discharged. It happened five days afterwards, which is the space
+in which souls come back again, that the monk came into the room where
+the king was, and when he saw him he was much astonished. Tristan was
+present: the king called him, and whispered into his ear--
+
+"You have not done that which I told you to."
+
+"Saving your Grace I have done it. Turpenay is dead."
+
+"Eh? I meant this monk."
+
+"I understood the gentleman!"
+
+"What, is it done then?"
+
+"Yes, sire,"
+
+"Very well then"--turning towards the monk--"come here, monk." The
+monk approached. The king said to him, "Kneel down!" The poor monk
+began to shiver in his shoes. But the king said to him, "Thank God
+that he has not willed that you should be killed as I had ordered. He
+who took your estates has been instead. God has done you justice. Go
+and pray God for me, and don't stir out of your convent."
+
+The proves the good-heartedness of Louis XI. He might very well have
+hanged the monk, the cause of the error. As for the said gentleman, he
+died in the king's service.
+
+In the early days of his sojourn at Plessis-les-Tours king Louis, not
+wishing to hold his drinking-bouts and give vent to his rakish
+propensities in his chateau, out of respect to her Majesty (a kingly
+delicacy which his successors have not possessed) became enamoured of
+a lady named Nicole Beaupertuys, who was, to tell the truth, wife of a
+citizen of the town. The husband he sent into Ponent, and put the said
+Nicole in a house near Chardonneret, in that part which is the Rue
+Quincangrogne, because it was a lonely place, far from other
+habitations. The husband and the wife were thus both in his service,
+and he had by La Beaupertuys a daughter, who died a nun. This Nicole
+had a tongue as sharp as a popinjay's, was of stately proportions,
+furnished with large beautiful cushions of nature, firm to the touch,
+white as the wings of an angel, and known for the rest to be fertile
+in peripatetic ways, which brought it to pass that never with her was
+the same thing encountered twice in love, so deeply had she studied
+the sweet solutions of the science, the manners of accommodating the
+olives of Poissy, the expansions of the nerves, and hidden doctrines
+of the breviary, the which much delighted the king. She was as gay as
+a lark, always laughing and singing, and never made anyone miserable,
+which is the characteristic of women of this open and free nature, who
+have always an occupation--an equivocal one if you like. The king
+often went with the hail-fellows his friends to the lady's house, and
+in order not to be seen always went at night-time, and without his
+suite. But being always distrustful, and fearing some snare, he gave
+to Nicole all the most savage dogs he had in his kennels, beggars that
+would eat a man without saying "By your leave," the which royal dogs
+knew only Nicole and the king. When the Sire came Nicole let them
+loose in the garden, and the door of the house being sufficiently
+barred and closely shut, the king put the keys in his pocket, and in
+perfect security gave himself up, with his satellites, to every kind
+of pleasure, fearing no betrayal, jumping about at will, playing
+tricks, and getting up good games. Upon these occasions friend Tristan
+watched the neighbourhood, and anyone who had taken a walk on the Mall
+of Chardonneret would be rather quickly placed in a position in which
+it would have been easy to give the passers-by a benediction with his
+feet, unless he had the king's pass, since often would Louis send out
+in search of lasses for his friends, or people to entertain him with
+the amusements suggested by Nicole or the guests. People of Tours were
+there for these little amusements, to whom he gently recommended
+silence, so that no one knew of these pastimes until after his death.
+The farce of "_Baisez mon cul_" was, it is said, invented by the said
+Sire. I will relate it, although it is not the subject of this tale,
+because it shows the natural comicality and humour of this merry
+monarch. They were at Tours three well known misers: the first was
+Master Cornelius, who is sufficiently well known; the second was
+called Peccard, and sold the gilt-work, coloured papers, and jewels
+used in churches; the third was hight Marchandeau, and was a very
+wealthy vine-grower. These two men of Touraine were the founders of
+good families, notwithstanding their sordidness. One evening that the
+king was with Beaupertuys, in a good humour, having drunk heartily,
+joked heartily, and offered early in the evening his prayer in
+Madame's oratory, he said to Le Daim his crony, to the Cardinal, La
+Balue, and to old Dunois, who were still soaking, "Let us have a good
+laugh! I think it will be a good joke to see misers before a bag of
+gold without being able to touch it. Hi, there!"
+
+Hearing which, appeared one of his varlets.
+
+"Go," said he, "seek my treasurer, and let him bring hither six
+thousand gold crowns--and at once! And you will go and seize the
+bodies of my friend Cornelius, of the jeweller of the Rue de Cygnes,
+and of old Marchandeau, and bring them here, by order of the king."
+
+Then he began to drink again, and to judiciously wrangle as to which
+was the better, a woman with a gamy odour or a woman who soaped
+herself well all over; a thin one or a stout one; and as the company
+comprised the flower of wisdom it was decided that the best was the
+one a man had all to himself like a plate of warm mussels, at that
+precise moment when God sent him a good idea to communicate to her.
+The cardinal asked which was the most precious thing to a lady; the
+first or the last kiss? To which La Beaupertuys replied: "that it was
+the last, seeing that she knew then what she was losing, while at the
+first she did not know what she would gain." During these sayings, and
+others which have most unfortunately been lost, came the six thousand
+gold crowns, which were worth all three hundred thousand francs of
+to-day, so much do we go on decreasing in value every day. The king
+ordered the crowns to be arranged upon a table, and well lighted up,
+so that they shone like the eyes of the company which lit up
+involuntarily, and made them laugh in spite of themselves. They did
+not wait long for the three misers, whom the varlet led in, pale and
+panting, except Cornelius, who knew the king's strange freaks.
+
+"Now then, my friends," said Louis to them, "have a good look at the
+crowns on the table."
+
+And the three townsmen nibbled at them with their eyes. You may reckon
+that the diamond of La Beaupertuys sparkled less than their little
+minnow eyes.
+
+"These are yours," added the king.
+
+Thereupon they ceased to admire the crowns to look at each other; and
+the guests knew well that old knaves are more expert in grimaces than
+any others, because of their physiognomies becoming tolerably curious,
+like those of cats lapping up milk, or girls titillated with marriage.
+
+"There," said the king, "all that shall be his who shall say three
+times to the two others, '_Baisez mon cul_', thrusting his hand into the
+gold; but if he be not as serious as a fly who had violated his
+lady-love, if he smile while repeating the jest, he will pay ten crowns
+to Madame. Nevertheless he can essay three times."
+
+"That will soon be earned," said Cornelius, who, being a Dutchman, had
+his lips as often compressed and serious as Madame's mouth was often
+open and laughing. Then he bravely put his hands on the crowns to see
+if they were good, and clutched them bravely, but as he looked at the
+others to say civilly to them, "_Baisez mon cul_," the two misers,
+distrustful of his Dutch gravity, replied, "Certainly, sir," as if he
+had sneezed. The which caused all the company to laugh, and even
+Cornelius himself. When the vine-grower went to take the crowns he
+felt such a commotion in his cheeks that his old scummer face let
+little laughs exude from its pores like smoke pouring out of a
+chimney, and he could say nothing. Then it was the turn of the
+jeweller, who was a little bit of a bantering fellow, and whose lips
+were as tightly squeezed as the neck of a hanged man. He seized a
+handful of the crowns, looked at the others, even the king, and said,
+with a jeering air, "_Baisez mon cul_."
+
+"Is it dirty?" asked the vine-dresser.
+
+"Look and see," replied the jeweller, gravely.
+
+Thereupon the king began to tremble for these crowns, since the said
+Peccard began again, without laughing, and for the third time was
+about to utter the sacramental word, when La Beaupertuys made a sign
+of consent to his modest request, which caused him to lose his
+countenance, and his mouth broke up into dimples.
+
+"How did you do it?" asked Dunois, "to keep a grave face before six
+thousand crowns?"
+
+"Oh, my lord, I thought first of one of my cases which is tried
+tomorrow, and secondly, of my wife who is a sorry plague."
+
+The desire to gain this good round sum made them try again, and the
+king amused himself for about an hour at the expression of these
+faces, the preparations, jokes, grimaces, and other monkey's
+paternosters that they performed; but they were bailing their boats
+with a sieve, and for men who preferred closing their fists to opening
+them it was a bitter sorrow to have to count out, each one, a hundred
+crown to Madame.
+
+When they were gone, and Nicole said boldly to the king, "Sire will
+you let me try?"
+
+"Holy Virgin!" replied Louis; "no! I can kiss you for less money."
+
+That was said like a thrifty man, which indeed he always was.
+
+One evening the fat Cardinal La Balue carried on gallantly with words
+and actions, a little farther than the canons of the Church permitted
+him, with this Beaupertuys, who luckily for herself, was a clever
+hussy, not to be asked with impunity how many holes there were in her
+mother's chemise.
+
+"Look you here, Sir Cardinal!" said she; "the thing which the king
+likes is not to receive the holy oils."
+
+Then came Oliver le Daim, whom she would not listen to either, and to
+whose nonsense she replied, that she would ask the king if he wished
+her to be shaved.
+
+Now as the said shaver did not supplicate her to keep his proposals
+secret, she suspected that these little plots were ruses practised by
+the king, whose suspicions had perhaps been aroused by her friends.
+Now, for being able to revenge herself upon Louis, she at least
+determined to pay out the said lords, to make fools of them, and amuse
+the king with the tricks she would play upon them. One evening that
+they had come to supper, she had a lady of the city with her, who
+wished to speak with the king. This lady was a lady of position, who
+wished asked the king pardon for her husband, the which, in
+consequence of this adventure, she obtained. Nicole Beaupertuys having
+led the king aside for a moment into an antechamber, told him to make
+their guests drink hard and eat to repletion; that he was to make
+merry and joke with them; but when the cloth was removed, he was to
+pick quarrels with them about trifles, dispute their words, and be
+sharp with them; and that she would then divert him by turning them
+inside out before him. But above all things, he was to be friendly to
+the said lady, and it was to appear as genuine, as if she enjoyed the
+perfume of his favour, because she had gallantly lent herself to this
+good joke.
+
+"Well, gentlemen," said the king, re-entering the room, "let us fall
+to; we have had a good day's sport."
+
+And the surgeon, the cardinal, a fat bishop, the captain of the Scotch
+Guard, a parliamentary envoy, and a judge loved of the king, followed
+the two ladies into the room where one rubs the rust off one's jaw
+bones. And there they lined the mold of their doublets. What is that?
+It is to pave the stomach, to practice the chemistry of nature, to
+register the various dishes, to regale your tripes, to dig your grave
+with your teeth, play with the sword of Cain, to inter sauces, to
+support a cuckold. But more philosophically it is to make ordure with
+one's teeth. Now, do you understand? How many words does it require to
+burst open the lid of your understanding?
+
+The king did not fail to distill into his guests this splendid and
+first-class supper. He stuffed them with green peas, returning to the
+hotch-potch, praising the plums, commending the fish, saying to one,
+"Why do you not eat?" to another, "Drink to Madame"; to all of them,
+"Gentlemen, taste these lobsters; put this bottle to death! You do not
+know the flavour of this forcemeat. And these lampreys--ah! what do
+you say to them? And by the Lord! The finest barbel ever drawn from
+the Loire! Just stick your teeth into this pastry. This game is my own
+hunting; he who takes it not offends me." And again, "Drink, the
+king's eyes are the other way. Just give your opinion of these
+preserves, they are Madame's own. Have some of these grapes, they are
+my own growing. Have some medlars." And while inducing them to swell
+out their abdominal protuberances, the good monarch laughed with them,
+and they joked and disputed, and spat, and blew their noses, and
+kicked up just as though the king had not been with them. Then so much
+victuals had been taken on board, so many flagons drained and stews
+spoiled, that the faces of the guests were the colour of cardinals
+gowns, and their doublets appeared ready to burst, since they were
+crammed with meat like Troyes sausages from the top to the bottom of
+their paunches. Going into the saloon again, they broke into a profuse
+sweat, began to blow, and to curse their gluttony. The king sat
+quietly apart; each of them was the more willing to be silent because
+all their forces were required for the intestinal digestion of the
+huge platefuls confined in their stomachs, which began to wabble and
+rumble violently. One said to himself, "I was stupid to eat of that
+sauce." Another scolded himself for having indulged in a plate of eels
+cooked with capers. Another thought to himself, "Oh! oh! The forcemeat
+is serving me out." The cardinal, who was the biggest bellied man of
+the lot, snorted through his nostrils like a frightened horse. It was
+he who was first compelled to give vent to a loud sounding belch, and
+then he soon wished himself in Germany, where this is a form of
+salutation, for the king hearing this gastric language looked at the
+cardinal with knitted brows.
+
+"What does this mean?" said he, "am I a simple clerk?"
+
+This was heard with terror, because usually the king made much of a
+good belch well off the stomach. The other guests determined to get
+rid in another way of the vapours which were dodging about in their
+pancreatic retorts; and at first they endeavoured to hold them for a
+little while in the pleats of their mesenteries. It was then that some
+of them puffed and swelled like tax-gatherers. Beaupertuys took the
+good king aside and said to him--
+
+"Know now that I have had made by the Church jeweller Peccard, two
+large dolls, exactly resembling this lady and myself. Now when
+hard-pressed by the drugs which I have put in their goblets, they
+desire to mount the throne to which we are now about to pretend to go,
+they will always find the place taken; by this means you will enjoy
+their writhings."
+
+Thus having said, La Beaupertuys disappeared with the lady to go and
+turn the wheel, after the custom of women, and of which I will tell
+you the origin in another place. And after an honest lapse of water,
+Beaupertuys came back alone, leaving it to be believed that she had
+left the lady at the little laboratory of natural alchemy. Thereupon
+the king, singling out the cardinal, made him get up, and talked with
+him seriously of his affairs, holding him by the tassel of his amice.
+To all that the king said, La Balue replied, "Yes, sir," to be
+delivered from this favour, and slip out of the room, since the water
+was in his cellars, and he was about to lose the key of his back-door.
+All the guests were in a state of not knowing how to arrest the
+progress of the fecal matter to which nature has given, even more than
+to water, the property of finding a certain level. Their substances
+modified themselves and glided working downward, like those insects
+who demand to be let out of their cocoons, raging, tormenting, and
+ungrateful to the higher powers; for nothing is so ignorant, so
+insolent as those cursed objects, and they are importunate like all
+things detained to whom one owes liberty. So they slipped at every
+turn like eels out of a net, and each one had need of great efforts
+and science not to disgrace himself before the king. Louis took great
+pleasure in interrogating his guests, and was much amused with the
+vicissitudes of their physiognomies, on which were reflected the dirty
+grimaces of their writhings. The counsellor of justice said to Oliver,
+"I would give my office to be behind a hedge for half a dozen
+seconds."
+
+"Oh, there is no enjoyment to equal a good stool; and now I am no
+longer astonished at sempiternal droppings of a fly," replied the
+surgeon.
+
+The cardinal believing that the lady had obtained her receipt from the
+bank of deposit, left the tassels of his girdle in the king's hand,
+making a start as if he had forgotten to say his prayers, and made his
+way towards the door.
+
+"What is the matter with you, Monsieur le Cardinal?" said the king.
+
+"By my halidame, what is the matter with me? It appears that all your
+affairs are very extensive, sire!"
+
+The cardinal had slipped out, leaving the others astonished at his
+cunning. He proceeded gloriously towards the lower room, loosening a
+little the strings of his purse; but when he opened the blessed little
+door he found the lady at her functions upon the throne, like a pope
+about to be consecrated. Then restraining his impatience, he descended
+the stairs to go into the garden. However, on the last steps the
+barking of the dogs put him in great fear of being bitten in one of
+his precious hemispheres; and not knowing where to deliver himself of
+his chemical produce he came back into the room, shivering like a man
+who has been in the open air! The others seeing the cardinal return,
+imagined that he had emptied his natural reservoirs, unburdened his
+ecclesiastical bowels, and believed him happy. Then the surgeon rose
+quickly, as if to take note of the tapestries and count the rafters,
+but gained the door before anyone else, and relaxing his sphincter in
+advance, he hummed a tune on his way to the retreat; arrived there he
+was compelled, like La Balue, to murmur words of excuse to this
+student of perpetual motion, shutting the door with as promptitude as
+he opened it; and he came back burdened with an accumulation which
+seriously impeded his private channels. And in the same way went to
+guests one after the other, without being able to unburden themselves
+of their sauces, as soon again found themselves all in the presence of
+Louis the Eleventh, as much distressed as before, looking at each
+other slyly, understanding each other better with their tails than
+they ever understood with their mouths, for there is never any
+equivoque in the transactions of the parts of nature, and everything
+therein is rational and of easy comprehension, seeing that it is a
+science which we learn at our birth.
+
+"I believe," said the cardinal to the surgeon, "that lady will go on
+until to-morrow. What was La Beaupertuys about to ask such a case of
+diarrhoea here?"
+
+"She's been an hour working at what I could get done in a minute. May
+the fever seize her" cried Oliver le Daim.
+
+All the courtiers seized with colic were walking up and down to make
+their importunate matters patient, when the said lady reappeared in
+the room. You can believe they found her beautiful and graceful, and
+would willingly have kissed her, there where they so longed to go; and
+never did they salute the day with more favour than this lady, the
+liberator of the poor unfortunate bodies. La Balue rose; the others,
+from honour, esteem, and reverence of the church, gave way to the
+clergy, and, biding their time, they continued to make grimaces, at
+which the king laughed to himself with Nicole, who aided him to stop
+the respiration of these loose-bowelled gentlemen. The good Scotch
+captain, who more than all the others had eaten of a dish in which the
+cook had put an aperient powder, became the victim of misplaced
+confidence. He went ashamed into a corner, hoping that before the
+king, his mishap might escape detection. At this moment the cardinal
+returned horribly upset, because he had found La Beaupertuys on the
+episcopal seat. Now, in his torments, not knowing if she were in the
+room, he came back and gave vent to a diabolical "Oh!" on beholding
+her near his master.
+
+"What do you mean?" exclaimed the king, looking at the priest in a way
+to give him the fever.
+
+"Sire," said La Balue, insolently, "the affairs of purgatory are in my
+ministry, and I am bound to inform you that there is sorcery going on
+in this house."
+
+"Ah! little priest, you wish to make game of me!" said the king.
+
+At these words the company were in a terrible state.
+
+"So you treat me with disrespect?" said the king, which made them turn
+pale. "Ho, there! Tristan, my friend!" cried Louis XI. from the
+window, which he threw up suddenly, "come up here!"
+
+The grand provost of the hotel was not long before he appeared; and as
+these gentlemen were all nobodies, raised to their present position by
+the favour of the king, Louis, in a moment of anger, could crush them
+at will; so that with the exception of the cardinal who relied upon
+his cassock, Tristan found them all rigid and aghast.
+
+"Conduct these gentleman to the Pretorium, on the Mall, my friend,
+they have disgraced themselves through over-eating."
+
+"Am I not good at jokes?" said Nicole to him.
+
+"The farce is good, but it is fetid," replied he, laughing.
+
+This royal answer showed the courtiers that this time the king did not
+intend to play with their heads, for which they thanked heaven. The
+monarch was partial to these dirty tricks. He was not at all a bad
+fellow, as the guests remarked while relieving themselves against the
+side of the Mall with Tristan, who, like a good Frenchman, kept them
+company, and escorted them to their homes. This is why since that time
+the citizens of Tours had never failed to defile the Mall of
+Chardonneret, because the gentlemen of the court had been there.
+
+I will not leave this great king without committing to writing this
+good joke which he played upon La Godegrand, who was an old maid, much
+disgusted that she had not, during the forty years she had lived, been
+able to find a lid to her saucepan, enraged, in her yellow skin, that
+she still was as virgin as a mule. This old maid had her apartments on
+the other side of the house which belonged to La Beaupertuys, at the
+corner of the Rue de Hierusalem, in such a position that, standing on
+the balcony joining the wall, it was easy to see what she was doing,
+and hear what she was saying in the lower room where she lived; and
+often the king derived much amusement from the antics of the old girl,
+who did not know that she was so much within the range of his
+majesty's culverin. Now one market day it happened that the king had
+caused to be hanged a young citizen of Tours, who had violated a noble
+lady of a certain age, believing that she was a young maiden. There
+would have been no harm in this, and it would have been a thing
+greatly to the credit of the said lady to have been taken for a
+virgin; but on finding out his mistake, he had abominably insulted
+her, and suspecting her of trickery, had taken it into his head to rob
+her of a splendid silver goblet, in payment of the present he had just
+made her. This young man had long hair, and was so handsome that the
+whole town wished to see him hanged, both from regret and out of
+curiosity. You may be sure that at this hanging there were more caps
+than hats. Indeed, the said young man swung very well; and after the
+fashion and custom of persons hanged, he died gallantly with his lance
+couched, which fact made a great noise in the town. Many ladies said
+on this subject that it was a murder not to have preserved so fine a
+fellow from the scaffold.
+
+"Suppose we were to put this handsome corpse in the bed of La
+Godegrand," said La Beaupertuys to the king.
+
+"We should terrify her," replied Louis.
+
+"Not at all, sire. Be sure that she will welcome even a dead man, so
+madly does she long for a living one. Yesterday I saw her making love
+to a young man's cap placed on the top of a chair, and you would have
+laughed heartily at her words and gestures."
+
+Now while this forty-year-old virgin was at vespers, the king sent to
+have this young townsman, who had just finished the last scene of his
+tragic farce, taken down, and having dressed him in a white shirt, two
+officers got over the walls of La Godegrand's garden, and put the
+corpse into her bed, on the side nearest the street. Having done this
+they went away, and the king remained in the room with the balcony to
+it, playing with Beaupertuys, and awaiting an hour at which the old
+maid should go to bed. La Godegrand soon came back with a hop, skip,
+and jump, as the Tourainians say, from the church of St Martin, from
+which she was not far, since the Rue de Hierusalem touches the walls
+of the cloister. She entered her house, laid down her prayer-book,
+chaplet, and rosary, and other ammunition which these old girls carry,
+then poked the fire, and blew it, warmed herself at it, settled
+herself in her chair, and played with her cat for want of something
+better; then she went to the larder, supping and sighing, and sighing
+and supping, eating alone, with her eyes cast down upon the carpet;
+and after having drunk, behaved in a manner forbidden in court
+society.
+
+"Ah!" the corpse said to her, "'_God bless you_!'"
+
+At this joke of luck of La Beaupertuys, both laughed heartily in their
+sleeves. And with great attention this very Christian king watched the
+undressing of the old maid, who admired herself while removing her
+things--pulling out a hair, or scratching a pimple which had
+maliciously come upon her nose; picking her teeth, and doing a
+thousand little things which, alas! all ladies, virgins or not, are
+obliged to do, much to their annoyance; but without these little
+faults of nature, they would be too proud, and one would not be able
+to enjoy their society. Having achieved her aquatic and musical
+discourse, the old maid got in between the sheets, and yelled forth a
+fine, great, ample, and curious cry, when she saw, when she smelt the
+fresh vigour of this hanged man and the sweet perfume of his manly
+youth; then sprang away from him out of coquetry. But as she did not
+know he was really dead, she came back again, believing he was mocking
+her, and counterfeiting death.
+
+"Go away, you bad young man!" said she.
+
+But you can imagine that she proffered this requests in a most humble
+and gracious tone of voice. Then seeing that he did not move, she
+examined him more closely, and was much astonished at this so fine
+human nature when she recognised the young fellow, upon whom the fancy
+took her to perform some purely scientific experiments in the
+interests of hanged persons.
+
+"What is she doing?" said La Beaupertuys to the king.
+
+"She is trying to reanimate him. It is a work of Christian humanity."
+
+And the old girl rubbed and warmed this fine young man, supplicating
+holy Mary the Egyptian to aid her to renew the life of this husband
+who had fallen so amorously from heaven, when, suddenly looking at the
+dead body she was so charitably rubbing, she thought she saw a slight
+movement in the eyes; then she put her hand upon the man's heart, and
+felt it beat feebly. At length, from the warmth of the bed and of
+affection, and by the temperature of old maids, which is by far more
+burning then the warm blasts of African deserts, she had the delight
+of bringing to life that fine handsome young fellow who by lucky
+chance had been very badly hanged.
+
+"See how my executioners serve me!" said Louis, laughing.
+
+"Ah!" said La Beaupertuys, "you will not have him hanged again? he is
+too handsome."
+
+"The decree does not say that he shall be hanged twice, but he shall
+marry the old woman."
+
+Indeed, the good lady went in a great hurry to seek a master leech, a
+good bleeder, who lived in the Abbey, and brought him back directly.
+He immediately took his lancet, and bled the young man. And as no
+blood came out: "Ah!" said he, "it is too late, the transshipment of
+blood in the lungs has taken place."
+
+But suddenly this good young blood oozed out a little, and then came
+out in abundance, and the hempen apoplexy, which had only just begun,
+was arrested in its course. The young man moved and came more to life;
+then he fell, from natural causes, into a state of great weakness and
+profound sadness, prostration of flesh and general flabbiness. Now the
+old maid, who was all eyes, and followed the great and notable changes
+which were taking place in the person of this badly hanged man, pulled
+the surgeon by the sleeve, and pointing out to him, by a curious
+glance of the eye, the piteous cause, said to him--
+
+"Will he for the future be always like that?"
+
+"Often," replied the veracious surgeon.
+
+"Oh! he was much nicer hanged!"
+
+At this speech the king burst out laughing. Seeing him at the window,
+the woman and the surgeon were much frightened, for this laugh seemed
+to them a second sentence of death for their poor victim. But the king
+kept his word, and married them. And in order to do justice he gave
+the husband the name of the Sieur de Mortsauf in the place of the one
+he had lost upon the scaffold. As La Godegrand had a very big basket
+of crowns, they founded a good family in Touraine, which still exists
+and is much respected, since M. de Mortsauf faithfully served Louis
+the Eleventh on different occasions. Only he never liked to come
+across gibbets or old women, and never again made amorous assignations
+in the night.
+
+This teaches us to thoroughly verify and recognise women, and not to
+deceive ourselves in the local difference which exists between the old
+and the young, for if we are not hanged for our errors of love, there
+are always great risks to run.
+
+
+
+                     THE HIGH CONSTABLE'S WIFE
+
+The high constable of Armagnac espoused from the desire of a great
+fortune, the Countess Bonne, who was already considerably enamoured of
+little Savoisy, son of the chamberlain to his majesty King Charles the
+Sixth.
+
+The constable was a rough warrior, miserable in appearance, tough in
+skin, thickly bearded, always uttering angry words, always busy
+hanging people, always in the sweat of battles, or thinking of other
+stratagems than those of love. Thus the good soldier, caring little to
+flavour the marriage stew, used his charming wife after the fashion of
+a man with more lofty ideas; of the which the ladies have a great
+horror, since they like not the joists of the bed to be the sole
+judges of their fondling and vigorous conduct.
+
+Now the lovely Countess, as soon as she was grafted on the constable,
+only nibbled more eagerly at the love with which her heart was laden
+for the aforesaid Savoisy, which that gentleman clearly perceived.
+
+Wishing both to study the same music, they would soon harmonise their
+fancies, and decipher the hieroglyphic; and this was a thing clearly
+demonstrated to the Queen Isabella, that Savoisy's horses were oftener
+stabled at the house of her cousin of Armagnac than in the Hotel St.
+Pol, where the chamberlain lived, since the destruction of his
+residence, ordered by the university, as everyone knows.
+
+This discreet and wise princess, fearing in advance some unfortunate
+adventure for Bonne--the more so as the constable was as ready to
+brandish his broadsword as a priest to bestow benedictions--the said
+queen, as sharp as a dirk, said one day, while coming out from
+vespers, to her cousin, who was taking the holy water with Savoisy--
+
+"My dear, don't you see some blood in that water?"
+
+"Bah!" said Savoisy to the queen. "Love likes blood, Madame."
+
+This the Queen considered a good reply, and put it into writing, and
+later on, into action, when her lord the king wounded one of her
+lovers, whose business you see settled in this narrative.
+
+You know by constant experience, that in the early time of love each
+of two lovers is always in great fear of exposing the mystery of the
+heart, and as much from the flower of prudence as from the amusement
+yielded by the sweet tricks of gallantry they play at who can best
+conceal their thoughts, but one day of forgetfulness suffices to inter
+the whole virtuous past. The poor woman is taken in her joy as in a
+lasso; her sweetheart proclaims his presence, or sometimes his
+departure, by some article of clothing--a scarf, a spur, left by some
+fatal chance, and there comes a stroke of the dagger that severs the
+web so gallantly woven by their golden delights. But when one is full
+of days, he should not make a wry face at death, and the sword of a
+husband is a pleasant death for a gallant, if there be pleasant
+deaths. So may be will finish the merry amours of the constable's
+wife.
+
+One morning Monsieur d'Armagnac having lots of leisure time in
+consequence of the flight of the Duke of Burgundy, who was quitting
+Lagny, thought he would go and wish his lady good day, and attempted
+to wake her up in a pleasant enough fashion, so that she should not be
+angry; but she sunk in the heavy slumbers of the morning, replied to
+the action--
+
+"Leave me alone, Charles!"
+
+"Oh, oh," said the constable, hearing the name of a saint who was not
+one of his patrons, "I have a Charles on my head!"
+
+Then, without touching his wife, he jumped out of the bed, and ran
+upstairs with his face flaming and his sword drawn, to the place where
+slept the countess's maid-servant, convinced that the said servant had
+a finger in the pie.
+
+"Ah, ah, wench of hell!" cried he, to commence the discharge of his
+passion, "say thy prayers, for I intend to kill thee instantly,
+because of the secret practices of Charles who comes here."
+
+"Ah, Monseigneur," replied the woman, "who told you that?"
+
+"Stand steady, that I may rip thee at one blow if you do not confess
+to me every assignation given, and in what manner they have been
+arranged. If thy tongue gets entangled, if thou falterest, I will
+pierce thee with my dagger!"
+
+"Pierce me through!" replied the girl; "you will learn nothing."
+
+The constable, having taken this excellent reply amiss, ran her
+through on the spot, so mad was he with rage; and came back into his
+wife's chamber and said to his groom, whom, awakened by the shrieks of
+the girl, he met upon the stairs, "Go upstairs; I've corrected
+Billette rather severely."
+
+Before he reappeared in the presence of Bonne he went to fetch his
+son, who was sleeping like a child, and led him roughly into her room.
+The mother opened her eyes pretty widely, you may imagine--at the
+cries of her little one; and was greatly terrified at seeing him in
+the hands of her husband, who had his right hand all bloody, and cast
+a fierce glance on the mother and son.
+
+"What is the matter?" said she.
+
+"Madame," asked the man of quick execution, "this child, is he the
+fruit of my loins, or those of Savoisy, your lover?"
+
+At this question Bonne turned pale, and sprang upon her son like a
+frightened frog leaping into the water.
+
+"Ah, he is really ours," said she.
+
+"If you do not wish to see his head roll at your feet confess yourself
+to me, and no prevarication. You have given me a lieutenant."
+
+"Indeed!"
+
+"Who is he?"
+
+"It is not Savoisy, and I will never say the name of a man that I
+don't know."
+
+Thereupon the constable rose, took his wife by the arm to cut her
+speech with a blow of the sword, but she, casting upon him an imperial
+glance, cried--
+
+"Kill me if you will, but touch me not."
+
+"You shall live," replied the husband, "because I reserve you for a
+chastisement more ample then death."
+
+And doubting the inventions, snares, arguments, and artifices familiar
+to women in these desperate situations, of which they study night and
+day the variations, by themselves, or between themselves, he departed
+with this rude and bitter speech. He went instantly to interrogate his
+servants, presenting to them a face divinely terrible; so all of them
+replied to him as they would to God the Father on the Judgment Day,
+when each of us will be called to his account.
+
+None of them knew the serious mischief which was at the bottom of
+these summary interrogations and crafty interlocutions; but from all
+that they said, the constable came to the conclusion that no male in
+his house was in the business, except one of his dogs, whom he found
+dumb, and to whom he had given the post of watching the gardens; so
+taking him in his hands, he strangled him with rage. This fact incited
+him by induction to suppose that the other constable came into his
+house by the garden, of which the only entrance was a postern opening
+on to the water side.
+
+It is necessary to explain to those who are ignorant of it, the
+locality of the Hotel d'Armagnac, which had a notable situation near
+to the royal houses of St. Pol. On this site has since been built the
+hotel of Longueville. Then as at the present time, the residence of
+d'Armagnac had a porch of fine stone in Rue St. Antoine, was fortified
+at all points, and the high walls by the river side, in face of the
+Ile du Vaches, in the part where now stands the port of La Greve, were
+furnished with little towers. The design of these has for a long time
+been shown at the house of Cardinal Duprat, the king's Chancellor. The
+constable ransacked his brains, and at the bottom, from his finest
+stratagems, drew the best, and fitted it so well to the present case,
+that the gallant would be certain to be taken like a hare in the trap.
+"'Sdeath," said he, "my planter of horns is taken, and I have the time
+now to think how I shall finish him off."
+
+Now this is the order of battle which this grand hairy captain who
+waged such glorious war against Duke Jean-sans-Peur commanded for the
+assault of his secret enemy. He took a goodly number of his most loyal
+and adroit archers, and placed them on the quay tower, ordering them
+under the heaviest penalties to draw without distinction of persons,
+except his wife, on those of his household who should attempt to leave
+the gardens, and to admit therein, either by night or by day, the
+favoured gentleman. The same was done on the porch side, in the Rue St
+Antoine.
+
+The retainers, even the chaplain, were ordered not to leave the house
+under pain of death. Then the guard of the two sides of the hotel
+having been committed to the soldiers of a company of ordnance, who
+were ordered to keep a sharp lookout in the side streets, it was
+certain that the unknown lover to whom the constable was indebted for
+his pair of horns, would be taken warm, when, knowing nothing, he
+should come at the accustomed hour of love to insolently plant his
+standard in the heart of the legitimate appurtenances of the said lord
+count.
+
+It was a trap into which the most expert man would fall unless he was
+seriously protected by the fates, as was the good St. Peter by the
+Saviour when he prevented him going to the bottom of the sea the day
+when they had a fancy to try if the sea were as solid as terra firma.
+
+The constable had business with the inhabitants of Poissy, and was
+obliged to be in the saddle after dinner, so that, knowing his
+intention, the poor Countess Bonne determined at night to invite her
+young gallant to that charming duel in which she was always the
+stronger.
+
+While the constable was making round his hotel a girdle of spies and
+of death, and hiding his people near the postern to seize the gallant
+as he came out, not knowing where he would spring from, his wife was
+not amusing herself by threading peas nor seeking black cows in the
+embers. First, the maid-servant who had been stuck, unstuck herself
+and dragged herself to her mistress; she told her that her outraged
+lord knew nothing, and that before giving up the ghost she would
+comfort her dear mistress by assuring her that she could have perfect
+confidence in her sister, who was laundress in the hotel, and was
+willing to let herself be chopped up as small as sausage-meat to
+please Madame. That she was the most adroit and roguish woman in the
+neighbourhood, and renowned from the council chamber to the Trahoir
+cross among the common people, and fertile in invention for the
+desperate cases of love.
+
+Then, while weeping for the decease of her good chamber woman, the
+countess sent for the laundress, made her leave her tubs and join her
+in rummaging the bag of good tricks, wishing to save Savoisy, even at
+the price of her future salvation.
+
+First of all the two women determined to let him know their lord and
+master's suspicion, and beg him to be careful.
+
+Now behold the good washerwoman who, carrying her tub like a mule,
+attempts to leave the hotel. But at the porch she found a man-at-arms
+who turned a deaf ear to all the blandishments of the wash-tub. Then
+she resolved, from her great devotion, to take the soldier on his weak
+side, and she tickled him so with her fondling that he romped very
+well with her, although he was armour-plated ready for battle; but
+when the game was over he still refused to let her go into the street
+and although she tried to get herself a passport sealed by some of the
+handsomest, believing them more gallant: neither the archers,
+men-at-arms, nor others, dared open for her the smallest entrance of
+the house. "You are wicked and ungrateful wretches," said she, "not to
+render me a like service."
+
+Luckily at this employment she learned everything, and came back in
+great haste to her mistress, to whom she recounted the strange
+machinations of the count. The two women held a fresh council and had
+not considered, the time it takes to sing _Alleluia_, twice, these
+warlike appearances, watches, defences, and equivocal, specious, and
+diabolical orders and dispositions before they recognised by the sixth
+sense with which all females are furnished, the special danger which
+threatened the poor lover.
+
+Madame having learned that she alone had leave to quit the house,
+ventured quickly to profit by her right, but she did not go the length
+of a bow-shot, since the constable had ordered four of his pages to be
+always on duty ready to accompany the countess, and two of the ensigns
+of his company not to leave her. Then the poor lady returned to her
+chamber, weeping as much as all the Magdalens one sees in the church
+pictures, could weep together.
+
+"Alas!" said she, "my lover must then be killed, and I shall never see
+him again! . . . he whose words were so sweet, whose manners were so
+graceful, that lovely head that had so often rested on my knees, will
+now be bruised . . . What! Can I not throw to my husband an empty and
+valueless head in place of the one full of charms and worth . . . a
+rank head for a sweet-smelling one; a hated head for a head of love."
+
+"Ah, Madame!" cried the washerwoman, "suppose we dress up in the
+garments of a nobleman, the steward's son who is mad for me, and
+wearies me much, and having thus accoutered him, we push him out
+through the postern."
+
+Thereupon the two women looked at each other with assassinating eyes.
+
+"This marplot," said she, "once slain, all those soldiers will fly
+away like geese."
+
+"Yes, but will not the count recognise the wretch?"
+
+And the countess, striking her breast, exclaimed, shaking her head,
+"No, no, my dear, here it is noble blood that must be spilt without
+stint."
+
+Then she thought a little, and jumping with joy, suddenly kissed the
+laundress, saying, "Because I have saved my lover's life by your
+counsel, I will pay you for his life until death."
+
+Thereupon the countess dried her tears, put on the face of a bride,
+took her little bag and a prayer-book, and went towards the Church of
+St. Pol whose bells she heard ringing, seeing that the last Mass was
+about to be said. In this sweet devotion the countess never failed,
+being a showy woman, like all the ladies of the court. Now this was
+called the full-dress Mass, because none but fops, fashionables, young
+gentlemen and ladies puffed out and highly scented, were to be met
+there. In fact no dresses was seen there without armorial bearings,
+and no spurs that were not gilt.
+
+So the Countess of Bonne departed, leaving at the hotel the laundress
+much astonished, and charged to keep her eyes about her, and came with
+great pomp to the church, accompanied by her pages, the two ensigns
+and men-at-arms. It is here necessary to say that among the band of
+gallant knights who frisked round the ladies in church, the countess
+had more than one whose joy she was, and who had given his heart to
+her, after the fashion of youths who put down enough and to spare upon
+their tablets, only in order to make a conquest of at least one out of
+a great number.
+
+Among these birds of fine prey who with open beaks looked oftener
+between the benches and the paternosters than towards the altar and
+the priests, there was one upon whom the countess sometimes bestowed
+the charity of a glance, because he was less trifling and more deeply
+smitten than all the others.
+
+This one remained bashful, always stuck against the same pillar, never
+moving from it, but readily ravished with the sight alone of this lady
+whom he had chosen as his. His pale face was softly melancholy. His
+physiognomy gave proof of fine heart, one of those which nourish
+ardent passions and plunge delightedly into the despairs of love
+without hope. Of these people there are few, because ordinarily one
+likes more a certain thing than the unknown felicities lying and
+flourishing at the bottommost depths of the soul.
+
+This said gentleman, although his garments were well made, and clean
+and neat, having even a certain amount of taste shown in the
+arrangement, seemed to the constable's wife to be a poor knight
+seeking fortune, and come from afar, with his nobility for his
+portion. Now partly from a suspicion of his secret poverty, partly
+because she was well beloved by him and a little because he had a good
+countenance, fine black hair, and a good figure, and remained humble
+and submissive in all, the constable's wife desired for him the favour
+of women and of fortune, not to let his gallantry stand idle, and from
+a good housewifely idea, she fired his imagination according to her
+fantasies, by certain small favours and little looks which serpented
+towards him like biting adders, trifling with the happiness of this
+young life, like a princess accustomed to play with objects more
+precious than a simple knight. In fact, her husband risked the whole
+kingdom as you would a penny at piquet. Finally it was only three days
+since, at the conclusion of vespers, that the constable's wife pointed
+out to the queen this follower of love, said laughingly--
+
+"There's a man of quality."
+
+This sentence remained in the fashionable language. Later it became a
+custom so to designate the people of the court. It was to the wife of
+the constable d'Armagnac, and to no other source, that the French
+language is indebted for this charming expression.
+
+By a lucky chance the countess had surmised correctly concerning this
+gentleman. He was a bannerless knight, named Julien de Boys-Bourredon,
+who not having inherited on his estate enough to make a toothpick, and
+knowing no other wealth than the rich nature with which his dead
+mother had opportunely furnished him, conceived the idea of deriving
+therefrom both rent and profit at court, knowing how fond ladies are
+of those good revenues, and value them high and dear, when they can
+stand being looked at between two suns. There are many like him who
+have thus taken the narrow road of women to make their way; but he,
+far from arranging his love in measured qualities, spend funds and
+all, as soon as he came to the full-dress Mass, he saw the triumphant
+beauty of the Countess Bonne. Then he fell really in love, which was a
+grand thing for his crowns, because he lost both thirst and appetite.
+This love is of the worst kind, because it incites you to the love of
+diet, during the diet of love; a double malady, of which one is
+sufficient to extinguish a man.
+
+Such was the young gentlemen of whom the good lady had thought, and
+towards whom she came quickly to invite him to his death.
+
+On entering she saw the poor chevalier, who faithful to his pleasure,
+awaited her, his back against a pillar, as a sick man longs for the
+sun, the spring-time, and the dawn. Then she turned away her eyes, and
+wished to go to the queen and request her assistance in this desperate
+case, for she took pity on her lover, but one of the captains said to
+her, with great appearance of respect, "Madame, we have orders not to
+allow you to speak with man or woman, even though it should be the
+queen or your confessor. And remember that the lives of all of us are
+at stake."
+
+"Is it not your business to die?" said she.
+
+"And also to obey," replied the soldier.
+
+Then the countess knelt down in her accustomed place, and again
+regarding her faithful slave, found his face thinner and more deeply
+lined than ever it had been.
+
+"Bah!" said she, "I shall have less remorse for his death; he is half
+dead as it is."
+
+With this paraphrase of her idea, she cast upon the said gentleman one
+of those warm ogles that are only allowable to princesses and harlots,
+and the false love which her lovely eyes bore witness to, gave a
+pleasant pang to the gallant of the pillar. Who does not love the warm
+attack of life when it flows thus round the heart and engulfs
+everything?
+
+Madame recognised with a pleasure, always fresh in the minds of women,
+the omnipotence of her magnificent regard by the answer which, without
+saying a word, the chevalier made to it. And in fact, the blushes
+which empurpled his cheeks spoke better than the best speeches of the
+Greek and Latin orators, and were well understood. At this sweet
+sight, the countess, to make sure that it was not a freak of nature,
+took pleasure in experimentalising how far the virtue of her eyes
+would go, and after having heated her slave more than thirty times,
+she was confirmed in her belief that he would bravely die for her.
+This idea so touched her, that from three repetitions between her
+orisons she was tickled with the desire to put into a lump all the
+joys of man, and to dissolve them for him in one single glance of
+love, in order that she should not one day be reproached with having
+not only dissipated the life, but also the happiness of this
+gentleman. When the officiating priest turned round to sing the _Off
+you go_ to this fine gilded flock, the constable's wife went out by the
+side of the pillar where her courtier was, passed in front of him and
+endeavoured to insinuate into his understanding by a speaking glance
+that he was to follow her, and to make positive the intelligence and
+significant interpretation of this gentle appeal, the artful jade
+turned round again a little after passing him to again request his
+company. She saw that he had moved a little from his place, and dared
+not advance, so modest was he, but upon this last sign, the gentleman,
+sure of not being over-credulous, mixed with the crowd with little and
+noiseless steps, like an innocent who is afraid of venturing into one
+of those good places people call bad ones. And whether he walked
+behind or in front, to the right or to the left, my lady bestowed upon
+him a glistening glance to allure him the more and the better to draw
+him to her, like a fisher who gently jerks the lines in order to hook
+the gudgeon. To be brief: the countess practiced so well the
+profession of the daughters of pleasure when they work to bring grist
+into their mills, that one would have said nothing resembled a harlot
+so much as a woman of high birth. And indeed, on arriving at the porch
+of her hotel the countess hesitated to enter therein, and again turned
+her face towards the poor chevalier to invite him to accompany her,
+discharging at him so diabolical a glance, that he ran to the queen of
+his heart, believing himself to be called by her. Thereupon, she
+offered him her hand, and both boiling and trembling from the contrary
+causes found themselves inside the house. At this wretched hour,
+Madame d'Armagnac was ashamed of having done all these harlotries to
+the profit of death, and of betraying Savoisy the better to save him;
+but this slight remorse was lame as the greater, and came tardily.
+Seeing everything ready, the countess leaned heavily upon her vassal's
+arm, and said to him--
+
+"Come quickly to my room; it is necessary that I should speak with
+you."
+
+And he, not knowing that his life was in peril, found no voice
+wherewith to reply, so much did the hope of approaching happiness
+choke him.
+
+When the laundress saw this handsome gentleman so quickly hooked,
+"Ah!" said she, "these ladies of the court are best at such work."
+Then she honoured this courtier with a profound salutation, in which
+was depicted the ironical respect due to those who have the great
+courage to die for so little.
+
+"Picard," said the constable's lady, drawing the laundress to her by
+the skirt, "I have not the courage to confess to him the reward with
+which I am about to pay his silent love and his charming belief in the
+loyalty of women."
+
+"Bah! Madame: why tell him? Send him away well contented by the
+postern. So many men die in war for nothing, cannot this one die for
+something? I'll produce another like him if that will console you."
+
+"Come along," cried the countess, "I will confess all to him. That
+will be the punishment for my sins."
+
+Thinking that this lady was arranging with her servant certain
+trifling provisions and secret things in order not to be disturbed in
+the interview she had promised him, the unknown lover kept at a
+discreet distance, looking at the flies. Nevertheless, he thought that
+the countess was very bold, but also, as even a hunchback would have
+done, he found a thousand reasons to justify her, and thought himself
+quite worthy to inspire such recklessness. He was lost in those good
+thoughts when the constable's wife opened the door of her chamber, and
+invited the chevalier to follow her in. There his noble lady cast
+aside all the apparel of her lofty fortune, and falling at the feet of
+this gentleman, became a simple woman.
+
+"Alas, sweet sir!" said she, "I have acted vilely towards you. Listen.
+On your departure from this house, you will meet your death. The love
+which I feel for another has bewildered me, and without being able to
+hold his place here, you will have to take it before his murderers.
+This is the joy to which I have bidden you."
+
+"Ah!" Replied Boys-Bourredon, interring in the depths of his heart a
+dark despair, "I am grateful to you for having made use of me as of
+something which belonged to you. . . . Yes, I love you so much that
+every day you I have dreamed of offering you in imitation of the
+ladies, a thing that can be given but once. Take, then, my life!"
+
+And the poor chevalier, in saying this, gave her one glance to suffice
+for all the time he would have been able to look at her through the
+long days. Hearing these brave and loving words, Bonne rose suddenly.
+
+"Ah! were it not for Savoisy, how I would love thee!" said she.
+
+"Alas! my fate is then accomplished," replied Boys-Bourredon. "My
+horoscope predicted that I should die by the love of a great lady. Ah,
+God!" said he, clutching his good sword, "I will sell my life dearly,
+but I shall die content in thinking that my decease ensures the
+happiness of her I love. I should live better in her memory than in
+reality." At the sight of the gesture and the beaming face of this
+courageous man, the constable's wife was pierced to the heart. But
+soon she was wounded to the quick because he seemed to wish to leave
+her without even asking of her the smallest favour.
+
+"Come, that I may arm you," said she to him, making an attempt to kiss
+him.
+
+"Ha! my lady-love," replied he, moistening with a gentle tear the fire
+of his eyes, "would you render my death impossible by attaching too
+great a value to my life?"
+
+"Come," cried she, overcome by this intense love, "I do not know what
+the end of all this will be, but come--afterwards we will go and
+perish together at the postern."
+
+The same flame leaped in their hearts, the same harmony had struck for
+both, they embraced each other with a rapture in the delicious excess
+of that mad fever which you know well I hope; they fell into a
+profound forgetfulness of the dangers of Savoisy, of themselves, of
+the constable, of death, of life, of everything.
+
+Meanwhile the watchman at the porch had gone to inform the constable
+of the arrival of the gallant, and to tell him how the infatuated
+gentleman had taken no notice of the winks which, during Mass and on
+the road, the countess had given him in order to prevent his
+destruction. They met their master arriving in great haste at the
+postern, because on their side the archers of the quay had whistled to
+him afar off, saying to him--
+
+"The Sire de Savoisy has passed in."
+
+And indeed Savoisy had come at the appointed hour, and like all the
+lovers, thinking only of his lady, he had not seen the count's spies
+and had slipped in at the postern. This collision of lovers was the
+cause of the constable's cutting short the words of those who came
+from the Rue St. Antoine, saying to them with a gesture of authority,
+that they did not think wise to disregard--
+
+"I know that the animal is taken."
+
+Thereupon all rushed with a great noise through this said postern,
+crying, "Death to him! death to him!" and men-at-arms, archers, the
+constable, and the captains, all rushed full tilt upon Charles
+Savoisy, the king's nephew, who they attacked under the countess's
+window, where by a strange chance, the groans of the poor young man
+were dolorously exhaled, mingled with the yells of the soldiers, at
+the same time as passionate sighs and cries were given forth by the
+two lovers, who hastened up in great fear.
+
+"Ah!" said the countess, turning pale from terror, "Savoisy is dying
+for me!"
+
+"But I will live for you," replied Boys-Bourredon, "and shall esteem
+it a joy to pay the same price for my happiness as he has done."
+
+"Hide yourself in the clothes chest," cried the countess; "I hear the
+constable's footsteps."
+
+And indeed M. d'Armagnac appeared very soon with a head in his hand,
+and putting it all bloody on the mantleshelf, "Behold, Madame," said
+he, "a picture which will enlighten you concerning the duties of a
+wife towards her husband."
+
+"You have killed an innocent man," replied the countess, without
+changing colour. "Savoisy was not my lover."
+
+And with the this speech she looked proudly at the constable with a
+face marked by so much dissimulation and feminine audacity, that the
+husband stood looking as foolish as a girl who has allowed a note to
+escape her below, before a numerous company, and he was afraid of
+having made a mistake.
+
+"Of whom were you thinking this morning?" asked he.
+
+"I was dreaming of the king," said she.
+
+"Then, my dear, why not have told me so?"
+
+"Would you have believed me in the bestial passion you were in?"
+
+The constable scratched his ear and replied--
+
+"But how came Savoisy with the key of the postern?"
+
+"I don't know," she said, curtly, "if you will have the goodness to
+believe what I have said to you."
+
+And his wife turned lightly on her heel like a weather-cock turned by
+the wind, pretending to go and look after the household affairs. You
+can imagine that D'Armagnac was greatly embarrassed with the head of
+poor Savoisy, and that for his part Boys-Bourredon had no desire to
+cough while listening to the count, who was growling to himself all
+sorts of words. At length the constable struck two heavy blows over
+the table and said, "I'll go and attack the inhabitants of Poissy."
+Then he departed, and when the night was come Boys-Bourredon escaped
+from the house in some disguise or other.
+
+Poor Savoisy was sorely lamented by his lady, who had done all that a
+woman could do to save her lover, and later he was more than wept, he
+was regretted; for the countess having related this adventure to Queen
+Isabella, her majesty seduced Boys-Bourredon from the service of her
+cousin and put him to her own, so much was she touched with the
+qualities and firm courage of this gentleman.
+
+Boys-Bourredon was a man whom danger had well recommended to the
+ladies. In fact he comported himself so proudly in everything in the
+lofty fortune, which the queen had made for him, that having badly
+treated King Charles one day when the poor man was in his proper
+senses, the courtiers, jealous of favour, informed the king of his
+cuckoldom. Boys-Bourredon was in a moment sewn in a sack and thrown
+into the Seine, near the ferry at Charenton, as everyone knows. I have
+no need add, that since the day when the constable took it into his
+head to play thoughtlessly with knives, his good wife utilised so well
+the two deaths he had caused and threw them so often in his face, that
+she made him as soft as a cat's paw and put him in the straight road
+of marriage; and he proclaimed her a modest and virtuous constable's
+lady, as indeed she was. As this book should, according to the maxims
+of great ancient authors, join certain useful things to the good
+laughs which you will find therein and contain precepts of high taste,
+I beg to inform you that the quintessence of the story is this: That
+women need never lose their heads in serious cases, because the God of
+Love never abandons them, especially when they are beautiful, young,
+and of good family; and that gallants when going to keep an amorous
+assignation should never go there like giddy young men, but carefully,
+and keep a sharp look-out near the burrow, to avoid falling into
+certain traps and to preserve themselves; for after a good woman the
+most precious thing is, certes, a pretty gentleman.
+
+
+
+                        THE MAID OF THILOUSE
+
+The lord of Valennes, a pleasant place, of which the castle is not far
+from the town of Thilouse, had taken a mean wife, who by reason of
+taste or antipathy, pleasure or displeasure, health or sickness,
+allowed her good husband to abstain from those pleasures stipulated
+for in all contracts of marriage. In order to be just, it should be
+stated that the above-mentioned lord was a dirty and ill-favoured
+person, always hunting wild animals and not the more entertaining than
+is a room full of smoke. And what is more, the said sportsman was all
+sixty years of age, on which subject, however, he was a silent as a
+hempen widow on the subject of rope. But nature, which the crooked,
+the bandy-legged, the blind, and the ugly abuse so unmercifully here
+below, and have no more esteem for her than the well-favoured,--since,
+like workers of tapestry, they know not what they do,--gives the same
+appetite to all and to all the same mouth for pudding. So every beast
+finds a mate, and from the same fact comes the proverb, "There is no
+pot, however ugly, that does not one day find a cover." Now the lord
+of Valennes searched everywhere for nice little pots to cover, and
+often in addition to wild, he hunted tame animals; but this kind of
+game was scarce in the land, and it was an expensive affair to
+discover a maid. At length however by reason of much ferreting about
+and much enquiry, it happened that the lord of Valennes was informed
+that in Thilouse was the widow of a weaver who had a real treasure in
+the person of a little damsel of sixteen years, whom she had never
+allowed to leave her apronstrings, and whom, with great maternal
+forethought, she always accompanied when the calls of nature demanded
+her obedience; she had her to sleep with her in her own bed, watched
+over her, got her up in the morning, and put her to such a work that
+between the twain they gained about eight pennies a day. On fete days
+she took her to the church, scarcely giving her a spare moment to
+exchange a merry word with the young people; above all was she strict
+in keeping hands off the maiden.
+
+But the times were just then so hard that the widow and her daughter
+had only bread enough to save them from dying of hunger, and as they
+lodged with one of their poor relations, they often wanted wood in
+winter and clothes in summer, owing enough rent to frighten sergeants
+of justice, men who are not easily frightened at the debts of others;
+in short, while the daughter was increasing in beauty, the mother was
+increasing in poverty, and ran into debt on account of her daughter's
+virginity, as an alchemist will for the crucible in which his all is
+cast. As soon as his plans were arranged and perfect, one rainy day
+the said lord of Valennes by a mere chance came into the hovel of the
+two spinners, and in order to dry himself sent for some fagots to
+Plessis, close by. While waiting for them, he sat on a stool between
+the two poor women. By means of the grey shadows and half light of the
+cabin, he saw the sweet countenance of the maid of Thilouse; her arms
+were red and firm, her breasts hard as bastions, which kept the cold
+from her heart, her waist round as a young oak and all fresh and clean
+and pretty, like the first frost, green and tender as an April bud; in
+fact, she resembled all that is prettiest in the world. She had eyes
+of a modest and virtuous blue, with a look more coy than that of the
+Virgin, for she was less forward, never having had a child.
+
+Had any one said to her, "Come, let us make love," she would have
+said, "Love! What is that?" she was so innocent and so little open to
+the comprehensions of the thing.
+
+The good old lord twisted about upon his stool, eyeing the maid and
+stretching his neck like a monkey trying to catch nuts, which the
+mother noticed, but said not a word, being in fear of the lord to whom
+the whole of the country belonged. When the fagot was put into the
+grate and flared up, the good hunter said to the old woman, "Ah, ah!
+that warms one almost as much as your daughter's eyes."
+
+"But alas, my lord," said she, "we have nothing to cook on that fire."
+
+"Oh yes," replied he.
+
+"What?"
+
+"Ah, my good woman, lend your daughter to my wife, who has need of a
+good handmaiden: we will give you two fagots every day."
+
+"Oh, my lord, what could I cook at such a good fire?"
+
+"Why," replied the old rascal, "good broth, for I will give you a
+measure of corn in season."
+
+"Then," replied the old hag, "where shall I put it?"
+
+"In your dish," answered the purchaser of innocence.
+
+"But I have neither dish nor flower-bin, nor anything."
+
+"Well I will give you dishes and flower-bins, saucepans, flagons, a
+good bed with curtains, and everything."
+
+"Yes," replied the good widow, "but the rain would spoil them, I have
+no house."
+
+"You can see from here," replied the lord, "the house of La
+Tourbelliere, where lived my poor huntsmen Pillegrain, who was ripped
+up by a boar?"
+
+"Yes," said the old woman.
+
+"Well, you can make yourself at home there for the rest of your days."
+
+"By my faith;" cried the mother, letting fall her distaff, "do you
+mean what you say?"
+
+"Yes."
+
+"Well, then, what will you give my daughter?"
+
+"All that she is willing to gain in my service."
+
+"Oh! my lord, you are a joking."
+
+"No," said he.
+
+"Yes," said she.
+
+"By St. Gatien, St. Eleuther, and by the thousand million saints who
+are in heaven, I swear that--"
+
+"Ah! Well; if you are not jesting I should like those fagots to pass
+through the hands of the notary."
+
+"By the blood of Christ and the charms of your daughter am I not a
+gentleman? Is not my word good enough?"
+
+"Ah! well I don't say that it is not; but as true as I am a poor
+spinner I love my child too much to leave her; she is too young and
+weak at present, she will break down in service. Yesterday, in his
+sermon, the vicar said that we should have to answer to God for our
+children."
+
+"There! There!" said the lord, "go and find the notary."
+
+An old woodcutter ran to the scrivener, who came and drew up a
+contract, to which the lord of Valennes then put his cross, not
+knowing how to write, and when all was signed and sealed--
+
+"Well, old lady," said he, "now you are no longer answerable to God
+for the virtue of your child."
+
+"Ah! my lord, the vicar said until the age of reason, and my child is
+quite reasonable." Then turning towards her, she added, "Marie Fiquet,
+that which is dearest to you is your honour, and there where you are
+going everyone, without counting my lord, will try to rob you of it,
+but you see well what it is worth; for that reason do not lose it save
+willingly and in proper manner. Now in order not to contaminate your
+virtue before God and before man, except for a legitimate motive, take
+heed that your chance of marriage be not damaged beforehand, otherwise
+you will go to the bad."
+
+"Yes, dear mother," replied the maid.
+
+And thereupon she left the poor abode of her relation, and came to the
+chateau of Valennes, there to serve my lady, who found her both pretty
+and to her taste.
+
+When the people of Valennes, Sache, Villaines, and other places,
+learned the high price given for the maid of Thilouse, the good
+housewives recognising the fact that nothing is more profitable than
+virtue, endeavoured to nourish and bring up their daughters virtuous,
+but the business was as risky as that of rearing silkworms, which are
+liable to perish, since innocence is like a medlar, and ripens quickly
+on the straw. There were, however, some girls noted for it in
+Touraine, who passed for virgins in the convents of the religious, but
+I cannot vouch for these, not having proceeded to verify them in the
+manner laid down by Verville, in order to make sure of the perfect
+virtue of women. However, Marie Fiquet followed the wise counsel of
+her mother, and would take no notice of the soft requests, honied
+words, or apish tricks of her master, unless they were flavoured with
+a promise of marriage.
+
+When the old lord tried to kiss her, she would put her back up like a
+cat at the approach of a dog, crying out "I will tell Madame!" In
+short at the end of six months he had not even recovered the price of
+a single fagot. From her labour Marie Fiquet became harder and firmer.
+Sometimes she would reply to the gentle request of her master, "When
+you have taken it from me will you give it me back again?"
+
+Another time she would say, "If I were as full of holes as a sieve not
+one should be for you, so ugly do I think you."
+
+The good old man took these village sayings for flowers of innocence,
+and ceased not make little signs to her, long harangues and a hundred
+vows and sermons, for by reason of seeing the fine breasts of the
+maid, her plump hips, which at certain movements came into prominent
+relief, and by reason of admiring other things capable of inflaming
+the mind of a saint, this dear men became enamoured of her with an old
+man's passion, which augments in geometrical proportions as opposed to
+the passions of young men, because the old men love with their
+weakness which grows greater, and the young with their strength which
+grows less. In order to leave this headstrong girl no loophole for
+refusal, the old lord took into his confidence the steward, whose age
+was seventy odd years, and made him understand that he ought to marry
+in order to keep his body warm, and that Marie Fiquet was the very
+girl to suit him. The old steward, who had gained three hundred pounds
+by different services about the house, desired to live quietly without
+opening the front door again; but his good master begged him to marry
+to please him, assuring him that he need not trouble about his wife.
+So the good steward wandered out of sheer good nature into this
+marriage. The day of the wedding, bereft of all her reasons, and not
+able to find objections to her pursuer, she made him give her a fat
+settlement and dowry as the price of her conquest, and then gave the
+old knave leave to wink at her as often as he could, promising him as
+many embraces as he had given grains of wheat to her mother. But at
+his age a bushel was sufficient.
+
+The festivities over, the lord did not fail, as soon as his wife had
+retired, to wend his way towards the well-glazed, well-carpeted, and
+pretty room where he had lodged his lass, his money, his fagots, his
+house, his wheat, and his steward. To be brief, know that he found the
+maid of Thilouse the sweetest girl in the world, as pretty as
+anything, by the soft light of the fire which was gleaming in the
+chimney, snug between the sheets, and with a sweet odour about her, as
+a young maiden should have, and in fact he had no regret for the great
+price of this jewel. Not being able to restrain himself from hurrying
+over the first mouthfuls of this royal morsel, the lord treated her
+more as a past master than a young beginner. So the happy man by too
+much gluttony, managed badly, and in fact knew nothing of the sweet
+business of love. Finding which, the good wench said, after a minute
+or two, to her old cavalier, "My lord, if you are there, as I think
+you are, give a little more swing to your bells."
+
+From this saying, which became spread about, I know not how, Marie
+Fiquet became famous, and it is still said in our country, "She is a
+maid of Thilouse," in mockery of a bride, and to signify a
+"fricquenelle."
+
+"Fricquenelle" is said of a girl I do not wish you to find in your
+arms on your wedding night, unless you have been brought up in the
+philosophy of Zeno, which puts up with anything, and there are many
+people obliged to be Stoics in this funny situation, which is often
+met with, for Nature turns, but changes not, and there are always good
+maids of Thilouse to be found in Touraine, and elsewhere. Now if you
+asked me in what consists, or where comes in, the moral of this tale?
+I am at liberty to reply to the ladies; that the Cent Contes
+Drolatiques are made more to teach the moral of pleasure than to
+procure the pleasure of pointing a moral. But if it were a used up old
+rascal who asked me, I should say to him with all the respect due to
+his yellow or grey locks; that God wishes to punish the lord of
+Valennes, for trying to purchase a jewel made to be given.
+
+
+
+                        THE BROTHERS-IN-ARMS
+
+At the commencement of the reign of King Henry, second of the name,
+who loved so well the fair Diana, there existed still a ceremony of
+which the usage has since become much weakened, and which has
+altogether disappeared, like an infinity of the good things of the
+olden times. This fine and noble custom was the choice which all
+knights made of a brother-in-arms. After having recognised each other
+as two loyal and brave men, each one of this pretty couple was married
+for life to the other; both became brothers, the one had to defend the
+other in battling against the enemies who threatened him, and at Court
+against the friends who slandered him. In the absence of his companion
+the other was expected to say to one who should have accused his good
+brother of any disloyalty, wickedness or dark felony, "You have lied
+by your throat," and so go into the field instantly, so sure was the
+one of the honour of the other. There is no need to add, that the one
+was always the second of the other in all affairs, good or evil, and
+that they shared all good or evil fortune. They were better than the
+brothers who are only united by the hazard of nature, since they were
+fraternised by the bonds of an especial sentiment, involuntary and
+mutual, and thus the fraternity of arms has produced splendid
+characters, as brave as those of the ancient Greeks, Romans, or
+others. . . . But this is not my subject; the history of these things
+has been written by the historians of our country, and everyone knows
+them.
+
+Now at this time two young gentlemen of Touraine, of whom one was the
+Cadet of Maille, and the other Sieur de Lavalliere, became
+brothers-in-arms on the day they gained their spurs. They were leaving
+the house of Monsieur de Montmorency, where they had been nourished with
+the good doctrines of this great Captain, and had shown how contagious
+is valour in such good company, for at the battle of Ravenna they
+merited the praises of the oldest knights. It was in the thick of this
+fierce fight that Maille, saved by the said Lavalliere, with whom he
+had had a quarrel or two, perceived that this gentleman had a noble
+heart. As they had each received slashes in the doublets, they
+baptised their fraternity with their blood, and were ministered to
+together in one and the same bed under the tent of Monsieur de
+Montmorency their master. It is necessary to inform you that, contrary
+to the custom of his family, which was always to have a pretty face,
+the Cadet of Maille was not of a pleasing physiognomy, and had
+scarcely any beauty but that of the devil. For the rest he was lithe
+as a greyhound, broad shouldered and strongly built as King Pepin, who
+was a terrible antagonist. On the other hand, the Sieur de Lavalliere
+was a dainty fellow, for whom seemed to have been invented rich laces,
+silken hose, and cancellated shoes. His long dark locks were pretty as
+a lady's ringlets, and he was, to be brief, a child with whom all the
+women would be glad to play. One day the Dauphine, niece of the Pope,
+said laughingly to the Queen of Navarre, who did not dislike these
+little jokes, "that this page was a plaster to cure every ache," which
+caused the pretty little Tourainian to blush, because, being only
+sixteen, he took this gallantry as a reproach.
+
+Now on his return from Italy the Cadet of Maille found the slipper of
+marriage ready for his foot, which his mother had obtained for him in
+the person of Mademoiselle d'Annebaut, who was a graceful maiden of
+good appearance, and well furnished with everything, having a splendid
+hotel in the Rue Barbette, with handsome furniture and Italian
+paintings and many considerable lands to inherit. Some days after the
+death of King Francis--a circumstance which planted terror in the
+heart of everyone, because his said Majesty had died in consequence of
+an attack of the Neapolitan sickness, and that for the future there
+would be no security even with princesses of the highest birth--the
+above-named Maille was compelled to quit the Court in order to go and
+arrange certain affairs of great importance in Piedmont. You may be
+sure that he was very loath to leave his good wife, so young, so
+delicate, so sprightly, in the midst of the dangers, temptations,
+snares and pitfalls of this gallant assemblage, which comprised so
+many handsome fellows, bold as eagles, proud of mein, and as fond of
+women as the people are partial to Paschal hams. In this state of
+intense jealousy everything made him ill at ease; but by dint of much
+thinking, it occurred to him to make sure of his wife in the manner
+about to be related. He invited his good brother-in-arms to come at
+daybreak on the morning of his departure. Now directly he heard
+Lavalliere's horse in the courtyard, he leaped out of bed, leaving his
+sweet and fair better-half sleeping that gentle, dreamy, dozing sleep
+so beloved by dainty ladies and lazy people. Lavalliere came to him,
+and the two companions, hidden in the embrasure of the window, greeted
+each other with a loyal clasp of the hand, and immediately Lavalliere
+said to Maille--
+
+"I should have been here last night in answer to thy summons, but I
+had a love suit on with my lady, who had given me an assignation; I
+could in no way fail to keep it, but I quitted her at dawn. Shall I
+accompany thee? I have told her of thy departure, she has promised me
+to remain without any amour; we have made a compact. If she deceives
+me--well a friend is worth more than a mistress!"
+
+"Oh! my good brother" replied the Maille, quite overcome with these
+words, "I wish to demand of thee a still higher proof of thy brave
+heart. Wilt thou take charge of my wife, defend her against all, be
+her guide, keep her in check and answer to me for the integrity of my
+head? Thou canst stay here during my absence, in the green-room, and
+be my wife's cavalier."
+
+Lavalliere knitted his brow and said--
+
+"It is neither thee nor thy wife that I fear, but evil-minded people,
+who will take advantage of this to entangle us like skeins of silk."
+
+"Do not be afraid of me," replied Maille, clasping Lavalliere to his
+breast. "If it be the divine will of the Almighty that I should have
+the misfortune to be a cuckold, I should be less grieved if it were to
+your advantage. But by my faith I should die of grief, for my life is
+bound up in my good, young, virtuous wife."
+
+Saying which, he turned away his head, in order that Lavalliere should
+not perceive the tears in his eyes; but the fine courtier saw this
+flow of water, and taking the hand of Maille--
+
+"Brother," said he to him, "I swear to thee on my honour as a man,
+that before anyone lays a finger on thy wife, he shall have felt my
+dagger in the depth of his veins! And unless I should die, thou shalt
+find her on thy return, intact in body if not in heart, because
+thought is beyond the control of gentlemen."
+
+"It is then decreed above," exclaimed Maille, "that I shall always be
+thy servant and thy debtor!"
+
+Thereupon the comrade departed, in order not to be inundated with the
+tears, exclamations, and other expressions of grief which ladies make
+use of when saying "Farewell." Lavalliere having conducted him to the
+gate of the town, came back to the hotel, waited until Marie
+d'Annebaut was out of bed, informed her of the departure of her good
+husband, and offered to place himself at her orders, in such a
+graceful manner, that the most virtuous woman would have been tickled
+with a desire to keep such a knight to herself. But there was no need
+of this fine paternoster to indoctrinate the lady, seeing that she had
+listened to the discourse of the two friends, and was greatly offended
+at her husband's doubt. Alas! God alone is perfect! In all the ideas
+of men there is always a bad side, and it is therefore a great science
+in life, but an impossible science, to take hold of everything, even a
+stick by the right end. The cause of the great difficulty there is in
+pleasing the ladies is, that there is it in them a thing which is more
+woman than they are, and but for the respect which is due to them, I
+would use another word. Now we should never awaken the phantasy of
+this malevolent thing. The perfect government of woman is a task to
+rend a man's heart, and we are compelled to remain in perfect
+submission to them; that is, I imagine, the best manner in which to
+solve the most agonising enigma of marriage.
+
+Now Marie d'Annebaut was delighted with the bearing and offers of this
+gallant; but there was something in her smile which indicated a
+malicious idea, and, to speak plainly, the intention of putting her
+young guardian between honour and pleasure; to regale him so with
+love, to surround him with so many little attentions, to pursue him
+with such warm glances, that he would be faithless to friendship, to
+the advantage of gallantry.
+
+Everything was in perfect trim for the carrying out of her design,
+because of the companionship which the Sire de Lavalliere would be
+obliged to have with her during his stay in the hotel, and as there is
+nothing in the world can turn a woman from her whim, at every turn the
+artful jade was ready to catch him in a trap.
+
+At times she would make him remain seated near her by the fire, until
+twelve o'clock at night, singing soft refrains, and at every
+opportunity showed her fair shoulders, and the white temptations of
+which her corset was full, and casting upon him a thousand piercing
+glances, all without showing in her face the thoughts that surged in
+her brain.
+
+At times she would walk with him in the morning, in the gardens of the
+hotel, leaning heavily upon his arm, pressing it, sighing, and making
+him tie the laces of her little shoes, which were always coming undone
+in that particular place. Then it would be those soft words and things
+which the ladies understand so well, little attentions paid to a
+guest, such as coming in to see if he were comfortable, if his bed
+were well made, the room clean, if the ventilation were good, if he
+felt any draughts in the night, if the sun came in during the day, and
+asking him to forgo none of his usual fancies and habits, saying--
+
+"Are you accustomed to take anything in the morning in bed, such as
+honey, milk, or spice? Do the meal times suit you? I will conform mine
+to yours: tell me. You are afraid to ask me. Come--"
+
+She accompanied these coddling little attentions with a hundred
+affected speeches; for instance, on coming into the room she would
+say--
+
+"I am intruding, send me away. You want to be left alone--I will go."
+And always was she graciously invited to remain.
+
+And the cunning Madame always came lightly attired, showing samples of
+her beauty, which would have made a patriarch neigh, even were he as
+much battered by time as must have been Mr. Methusaleh, with his nine
+hundred and sixty years.
+
+That good knight being as sharp as a needle, let the lady go on with
+her tricks, much pleased to see her occupy herself with him, since it
+was so much gained; but like a loyal brother, he always called her
+absent husband to the lady's mind.
+
+Now one evening--the day had been very warm--Lavalliere suspecting the
+lady's games, told her that Maille loved her dearly, that she had in
+him a man of honour, a gentleman who doted on her, and was ticklish on
+the score of his crown.
+
+"Why then, if he is so ticklish in this manner, has he placed you
+here?"
+
+"Was it not a most prudent thing?" replied he. "Was it not necessary
+to confide you to some defender of your virtue? Not that it needs one
+save to protect you from wicked men."
+
+"Then you are my guardian?" said she.
+
+"I am proud of it!" exclaimed Lavalliere.
+
+"Ah!" said she, "he has made a very bad choice."
+
+This remark was accompanied by a little look, so lewdly lascivious
+that the good brother-in-arms put on, by way of reproach, a severe
+countenance, and left the fair lady alone, much piqued at this refusal
+to commence love's conflict.
+
+She remained in deep meditation, and began to search for the real
+obstacle that she had encountered, for it was impossible that it
+should enter the mind of any lady, that a gentleman could despise that
+bagatelle which is of such great price and so high value. Now these
+thoughts knitted and joined together so well, one fitting into the
+other, that out of little pieces she constructed a perfect whole, and
+found herself desperately in love; which should teach the ladies never
+to play with a man's weapons, seeing that like glue, they always stick
+to the fingers.
+
+By this means Marie d'Annebaut came to a conclusion which she should
+have known at the commencement--viz., that to keep clear of her
+snares, the good knight must be smitten with some other lady, and
+looking round her, to see where her young guest could have found a
+needle-case to his taste, she thought of the fair Limeuil, one of
+Queen Catherine's maids, of Mesdames de Nevers, d'Estree, and de Giac,
+all of whom were declared friends of Lavalliere, and of the lot he
+must love one to distraction.
+
+From this belief, she added the motive of jealousy to the others which
+tempted her to seduce her Argus, whom she did not wish to wound, but
+to perfume, kiss his head, and treat kindly.
+
+She was certainly more beautiful, young, and more appetising and
+gentle than her rivals; at least, that was the melodious decree of her
+imaginations. So, urged on by the chords and springs of conscience,
+and physical causes which affect women, she returned to the charge, to
+commence a fresh assault upon the heart of the chevalier, for the
+ladies like that which is well fortified.
+
+Then she played the pussy-cat, and nestled up close to him, became so
+sweetly sociable, and wheedled so gently, that one evening when she
+was in a desponding state, although merry enough in her inmost soul,
+the guardian-brother asked her--
+
+"What is the matter with you?"
+
+To which she replied to him dreamily, being listened to by him as the
+sweetest music--
+
+That she had married Maille against her heart's will, and that she was
+very unhappy; that she knew not the sweets of love; that her husband
+did not understand her, and that her life was full of tears. In fact,
+that she was a maiden in heart and all, since she confessed in
+marriage she had experienced nothing but the reverse of pleasure. And
+she added, that surely this holy state should be full of sweetmeats
+and dainties of love, because all the ladies hurried into it, and
+hated and were jealous of those who out-bid them, for it cost certain
+people pretty dear; that she was so curious about it that for one good
+day or night of love, she would give her life, and always be obedient
+to her lover without a murmur; but that he with whom she would sooner
+than all others try the experiment would not listen to her; that,
+nevertheless, the secret of their love might be kept eternally, so
+great was her husband's confidence in him, and that finally if he
+still refused it would kill her.
+
+And all these paraphrases of the common canticle known to the ladies
+at their birth were ejaculated between a thousand pauses, interrupted
+with sighs torn from the heart, ornamented with quiverings, appeals to
+heaven, upturned eyes, sudden blushings and clutchings at her hair. In
+fact, no ingredient of temptation was lacking in the dish, and at the
+bottom of all these words there was a nipping desire which embellished
+even its blemishes. The good knight fell at the lady's feet, and
+weeping took them and kissed them, and you may be sure the good woman
+was quite delighted to let him kiss them, and even without looking too
+carefully to see what she was going to do, she abandoned her dress to
+him, knowing well that to keep it from sweeping the ground it must be
+taken at the bottom to raise it; but it was written that for that
+evening she should be good, for the handsome Lavalliere said to her
+with despair--
+
+"Ah, madame, I am an unfortunate man and a wretch."
+
+"Not at all," said she.
+
+"Alas, the joy of loving you is denied to me."
+
+"How?" said she.
+
+"I dare not confess my situation to you!"
+
+"Is it then very bad?"
+
+"Ah, you will be ashamed of me!"
+
+"Speak, I will hide my face in my hands," and the cunning madame hid
+her face is such a way that she could look at her well-beloved between
+her fingers.
+
+"Alas!" said he, "the other evening when you addressed me in such
+gracious words, I was so treacherously inflamed, that not knowing my
+happiness to be so near, and not daring to confess my flame to you, I
+ran to a Bordel where all the gentleman go, and there for love of you,
+and to save the honour of my brother whose head I should blush to
+dishonour, I was so badly infected that I am in great danger of dying
+of the Italian sickness."
+
+The lady, seized with terror, gave vent to the cry of a woman in
+labour, and with great emotion, repulsed him with a gentle little
+gesture. Poor Lavalliere, finding himself in so pitiable state, went
+out of the room, but he had not even reached the tapestries of the
+door, when Marie d'Annebaut again contemplated him, saying to herself,
+"Ah! what a pity!" Then she fell into a state of great melancholy,
+pitying in herself the gentleman, and became the more in love with him
+because he was fruit three times forbidden.
+
+"But for Maille," said she to him, one evening that she thought him
+handsomer than unusual, "I would willingly take your disease. Together
+we should then have the same terrors."
+
+"I love you too well," said the brother, "not to be good."
+
+And he left her to go to his beautiful Limeuil. You can imagine that
+being unable to refuse to receive the burning glances of the lady,
+during meal times, and the evenings, there was a fire nourished that
+warmed them both, but she was compelled to live without touching her
+cavalier, otherwise than with her eyes. Thus occupied, Marie
+d'Annebaut was fortified at every point against the gallants of the
+Court, for there are no bounds so impassable as those of love, and no
+better guardian; it is like the devil, he whom it has in its clutches
+it surrounds with flames. One evening, Lavalliere having escorted his
+friend's wife to a dance given by Queen Catherine, he danced with the
+fair Limeuil, with whom he was madly in love. At that time the knights
+carried on their amours bravely two by two, and even in troops. Now
+all the ladies were jealous of La Limeuil, who at that time was
+thinking of yielding to the handsome Lavalliere. Before taking their
+places in the quadrille, she had given him the sweetest of
+assignations for the morrow, during the hunt. Our great Queen
+Catherine, who from political motives fermented these loves and
+stirred them up, like pastrycooks make the oven fires burn by poking,
+glanced at all the pretty couples interwoven in the quadrille, and
+said to her husband--
+
+"When they combat here, can they conspire against you, eh?"
+
+"Ah! but the Protestants?"
+
+"Bah! have them here as well," said she, laughing. "Why, look at
+Lavalliere, who is suspected to be a Huguenot; he is converted by my
+dear little Limeuil, who does not play her cards badly for a young
+lady of sixteen. He will soon have her name down in his list."
+
+"Ah, Madame! do not believe it," said Marie d'Annebaut, "he is ruined
+through that same sickness of Naples which made you queen."
+
+At this artless confession, Catherine, the fair Diana, and the king,
+who were sitting together, burst out laughing, and the thing ran round
+the room. This brought endless shame and mockery upon Lavalliere. The
+poor gentleman, pointed at by everyone, soon wished somebody else in
+his shoes, for La Limeuil, who his rivals had not been slow laughingly
+to warn of her danger, appeared to shrink from her lover, so rapid was
+the spread, and so violent the apprehensions of this nasty disease.
+Thus Lavalliere found himself abandoned by everyone like a leper. The
+king made an offensive remark, and the good knight quitted the
+ball-room, followed by poor Marie in despair at the speech. She had in
+every way ruined the man she loved: she had destroyed his honour, and
+marred his life, since the physicians and master surgeons advance as a
+fact, incapable of contradiction, that persons Italianised by this
+love sickness, lost through it their greatest attractions, as well as
+their generative powers, and their bones went black.
+
+Thus no woman would bind herself in legitimate marriage with the
+finest gentlemen in the kingdom if he were only suspected of being one
+of those whom Master Frances Rabelais named "his very precious scabby
+ones. . . . ."
+
+As the handsome knight was very silent and melancholy, his companion
+said to him on the road home from Hercules House, where the fete had
+been held--
+
+"My dear lord, I have done you a great mischief."
+
+"Ah, madame!" replied Lavalliere, "my hurt is curable; but into what a
+predicament have you fallen? You should not have been aware of the
+danger of my love."
+
+"Ah!" said she, "I am sure now always to have you to myself; in
+exchange for this great obloquy and dishonour, I will be forever your
+friend, your hostess, and your lady-love--more than that, your
+servant. My determination is to devote myself to you and efface the
+traces of this shame; to cure you by a watch and ward; and if the
+learned in these matters declare that the disease has such a hold of
+you that it will kill you like our defunct sovereign, I must still
+have your company in order to die gloriously in dying of your
+complaint. Even then," said she, weeping, "that will not be penance
+enough to atone for the wrong I have done you."
+
+These words were accompanied with big tears; her virtuous heart waxed
+faint, she fell to the ground exhausted. Lavalliere, terrified, caught
+her and placed his hand upon her heart, below a breast of matchless
+beauty. The lady revived at the warmth of this beloved hand,
+experiencing such exquisite delights as nearly to make her again
+unconscious.
+
+"Alas!" said she, "this sly and superficial caress will be for the
+future the only pleasure of our love. It will still be a hundred times
+better than the joys which poor Maille fancies he is bestowing on me.
+. . . Leave your hand there," said she; "verily it is upon my soul,
+and touches it."
+
+At these words the knight was in a pitiful plight, and innocently
+confessed to the Lady that he experienced so much pleasure at this
+touch that the pains of his malady increased, and that death was
+preferable to this martyrdom.
+
+"Let us die then," said she.
+
+But the litter was in the courtyard of the hotel, and as the means of
+death was not handy, each one slept far from the other, heavily
+weighed down with love, Lavalliere having lost his fair Limeuil, and
+Marie d'Annebaut having gained pleasures without parallel.
+
+From this affair, which was quite unforeseen, Lavalliere found himself
+under the ban of love and marriage and dared no longer appear in
+public, and he found how much it costs to guard the virtue of a woman;
+but the more honour and virtue he displayed the more pleasure did he
+experience in these great sacrifices offered at the shrine of
+brotherhood. Nevertheless, his duty was very bitter, very ticklish,
+and intolerable to perform, towards the last days of his guard. And in
+this way.
+
+The confession of her love, which she believed was returned, the wrong
+done by her to her cavalier, and the experience of an unknown
+pleasure, emboldened the fair Marie, who fell into a platonic love,
+gently tempered with those little indulgences in which there is no
+danger. From this cause sprang the diabolical pleasures of the game
+invented by the ladies, who since the death of Francis the First
+feared the contagion, but wished to gratify their lovers. To these
+cruel delights, in order to properly play his part, Lavalliere could
+not refuse his sanction. Thus every evening the mournful Marie would
+attach her guest to her petticoats, holding his hand, kissing him with
+burning glances, her cheek placed gently against his, and during this
+virtuous embrace, in which the knight was held like the devil by a
+holy water brush, she told him of her great love, which was boundless
+since it stretched through the infinite spaces of unsatisfied desire.
+All the fire with which the ladies endow their substantial amours,
+when the night has no other lights than their eyes, she transferred
+into the mystic motions of her head, the exultations of her soul, and
+the ecstasies of her heart. Then, naturally, and with the delicious
+joy of two angels united by thought alone, they intoned together those
+sweet litanies repeated by the lovers of the period in honour of
+love--anthems which the abbot of Theleme has paragraphically saved
+from oblivion by engraving them on the walls of his Abbey, situated,
+according to master Alcofribas, in our land of Chinon, where I have
+seen them in Latin, and have translated them for the benefit of
+Christians.
+
+"Alas!" said Marie d'Annebaut, "thou art my strength and my life, my
+joy and my treasure."
+
+"And you," replied he "you are a pearl, an angel."
+
+"Thou art my seraphim."
+
+"You my soul."
+
+"Thou my God."
+
+"You my evening star and morning star, my honour, my beauty, my
+universe."
+
+"Thou my great my divine master."
+
+"You my glory, my faith, my religion."
+
+"Thou my gentle one, my handsome one, my courageous one, my dear one,
+my cavalier, my defender, my king, my love."
+
+"You my fairy, the flower of my days, the dream of my nights."
+
+"Thou my thought at every moment."
+
+"You the delights of my eyes."
+
+"Thou the voice of my soul."
+
+"You my light by day."
+
+"Thou my glimmer in the night."
+
+"You the best beloved among women."
+
+"Thou the most adored of men."
+
+"You my blood, a myself better than myself."
+
+"Thou art my heart, my lustre."
+
+"You my saint, my only joy."
+
+"I yield thee the palm of love, and how great so'er mine be, I believe
+thou lovest me still more, for thou art the lord."
+
+"No; the palm is yours, my goddess, my Virgin Marie."
+
+"No; I am thy servant, thine handmaiden, a nothing thou canst crush to
+atoms."
+
+"No, no! it is I who am your slave, your faithful page, whom you see
+as a breath of air, upon whom you can walk as on a carpet. My heart is
+your throne."
+
+"No, dearest, for thy voice transfigures me."
+
+"Your regard burns me."
+
+"I see but thee."
+
+"I love but you."
+
+"Oh! put thine hand upon my heart--only thine hand--and thou will see
+me pale, when my blood shall have taken the heat of thine."
+
+Then during these struggles their eyes, already ardent, flamed still
+more brightly, and the good knight was a little the accomplice of the
+pleasure which Marie d'Annebaut took in feeling his hand upon her
+heart. Now, as in this light embrace all their strength was put forth,
+all their desires strained, all their ideas of the thing concentrated,
+it happened that the knight's transport reached a climax. Their eyes
+wept warm tears, they seized each other hard and fast as fire seizes
+houses; but that was all. Lavalliere had promised to return safe and
+sound to his friend the body only, not the heart.
+
+When Maille announced his return, it was quite time, since no virtue
+could avoid melting upon this gridiron; and the less licence the
+lovers had, the more pleasure they had in their fantasies.
+
+Leaving Marie d'Annebaut, the good companion in arms went as far as
+Bondy to meet his friend, to help him to pass through the forest
+without accident, and the two brothers slept together, according to
+the ancient custom, in the village of Bondy.
+
+There, in their bed, they recounted to each other, one of the
+adventures of his journey, the other the gossip of the camp, stories
+of gallantry, and the rest. But Maille's first question was touching
+Marie d'Annebaut, whom Lavalliere swore to be intact in that precious
+place where the honour of husbands is lodged; at which the amorous
+Maille was highly delighted.
+
+On the morrow, they were all three re-united, to the great disgust of
+Marie, who, with the high jurisprudence of women, made a great fuss
+with her good husband, but with her finger she indicated her heart in
+an artless manner to Lavalliere, as one who said, "This is thine!"
+
+At supper Lavalliere announced his departure for the wars. Maille was
+much grieved at this resolution, and wished to accompany his brother;
+that Lavalliere refused him point blank.
+
+"Madame," said he to Marie d'Annebaut, "I love you more than life, but
+not more than honour."
+
+He turned pale saying this, and Madame de Maille blanched hearing him,
+because never in their amorous dalliance had there been so much true
+love as in this speech. Maille insisted on keeping his friend company
+as far as Meaux. When he came back he was talking over with his wife
+the unknown reasons and secret causes of this departure, when Marie,
+who suspected the grief of poor Lavalliere said, "I know: he is
+ashamed to stop here because he has the Neapolitan sickness."
+
+"He!" said Maille, quite astonished. "I saw him when we were in bed
+together at Bondy the other evening, and yesterday at Meaux. There's
+nothing the matter with him; he is as sound as a bell."
+
+The lady burst into tears, admiring this great loyalty, the sublime
+resignation to his oath, and the extreme sufferings of this internal
+passion. But as she still kept her love in the recesses of her heart,
+she died when Lavalliere fell before Metz, as has been elsewhere
+related by Messire Bourdeilles de Brantome in his tittle-tattle.
+
+
+
+                    THE VICAR OF AZAY-LE-RIDEAU
+
+In those days the priests no longer took any woman in legitimate
+marriage, but kept good mistresses as pretty as they could get; which
+custom has since been interdicted by the council, as everyone knows,
+because, indeed, it was not pleasant that the private confessions of
+people should be retold to a wench who would laugh at them, besides
+the other secret doctrines, ecclesiastical arrangements, and
+speculations which are part and parcel of the politics of the Church
+of Rome. The last priest in our country who theologically kept a woman
+in his parsonage, regaling her with his scholastic love, was a certain
+vicar of Azay-le-Ridel, a place later on most aptly named as
+Azay-le-Brule, and now Azay-le-Rideau, whose castle is one of the
+marvels of Touraine. Now this said period, when the women were not
+averse to the odour of the priesthood, is not so far distant as some
+may think, Monsieur D'Orgemont, son of the preceding bishop, still
+held the see of Paris, and the great quarrels of the Armagnacs had not
+finished. To tell the truth, this vicar did well to have his vicarage
+in that age, since he was well shapen, of a high colour, stout, big,
+strong, eating and drinking like a convalescent, and indeed, was
+always rising from a little malady that attacked him at certain times;
+and, later on, he would have been his own executioner, had he
+determined to observe his canonical continence. Add to this that he
+was a Tourainian, id est, dark, and had in his eyes flame to light,
+and water to quench all the domestic furnaces that required lighting
+or quenching; and never since at Azay has been such vicar seen! A
+handsome vicar was he, square-shouldered, fresh coloured, always
+blessing and chuckling, preferred weddings and christenings to
+funerals, a good joker, pious in Church, and a man in everything.
+There have been many vicars who have drunk well and eaten well; others
+who have blessed abundantly and chuckled consumedly; but all of them
+together would hardly make up the sterling worth of this aforesaid
+vicar; and he alone has worthily filled his post with benedictions,
+has held it with joy, and in it has consoled the afflicted, all so
+well, that no one saw him come out of his house without wishing to be
+in his heart, so much was he beloved. It was he who first said in a
+sermon that the devil was not so black as he was painted, and who for
+Madame de Cande transformed partridges into fish saying that the perch
+of the Indre were partridges of the river, and, on the other hand,
+partridges perch in the air. He never played artful tricks under the
+cloak of morality, and often said, jokingly, he would rather be in a
+good bed then in anybody's will, that he had plenty of everything, and
+wanted nothing. As for the poor and suffering, never did those who
+came to ask for wool at the vicarage go away shorn, for his hand was
+always in his pocket, and he melted (he who in all else was so firm)
+at the sight of all this misery and infirmity, and he endeavoured to
+heal all their wounds. There have been many good stories told
+concerning this king of vicars. It was he who caused such hearty
+laughter at the wedding of the lord of Valennes, near Sacche. The
+mother of the said lord had a good deal to do with the victuals, roast
+meats and other delicacies, of which there was sufficient quantity to
+feed a small town at least, and it is true, at the same time, that
+people came to the wedding from Montbazon, from Tours, from Chinon,
+from Langeais, and from everywhere, and stopped eight days.
+
+Now the good vicar, as he was going into the room where the company
+were enjoying themselves, met the little kitchen boy, who wished to
+inform Madame that all the elementary substances and fat rudiments,
+syrups, and sauces, were in readiness for a pudding of great delicacy,
+the secret compilation, mixing, and manipulation of which she wished
+herself to superintend, intending it as a special treat for her
+daughter-in-law's relations. Our vicar gave the boy a tap on the
+cheek, telling him that he was too greasy and dirty to show himself to
+people of high rank, and that he himself would deliver the said
+message. The merry fellow pushes open the door, shapes the fingers of
+his left hand into the form of a sheath, and moves gently therein the
+middle finger of his right, at the same time looking at the lady of
+Valennes, and saying to her, "Come, all is ready." Those who did not
+understand the affair burst out laughing to see Madame get up and go
+to the vicar, because she knew he referred to the pudding, and not to
+that which the others imagined.
+
+But a true story is that concerning the manner in which this worthy
+pastor lost his mistress, to whom the ecclesiastical authorities
+allowed no successor; but, as for that, the vicar did not want for
+domestic utensils. In the parish everyone thought it an honour to lend
+him theirs, the more readily because he was not the man to spoil
+anything, and was careful to clean them out thoroughly, the dear man.
+But here are the facts. One evening the good man came home to supper
+with a melancholy face, because he had just put into the ground a good
+farmer, whose death came about in a strange manner, and is still
+frequently talked about in Azay. Seeing that he only ate with the end
+of his teeth, and turned up his nose at a dish of tripe, which had
+been cooked in his own special manner, his good woman said to him--
+
+"Have you passed before the Lombard (see _Master Cornelius, passim_), met
+two black crows, or seen the dead man turn in his grave, that you are
+so upset?"
+
+"Oh! Oh!"
+
+"Has anyone deceived you?"
+
+"Ha! Ha!"
+
+"Come, tell me!"
+
+"My dear, I am still quite overcome at the death of poor Cochegrue,
+and there is not at the present moment a good housewife's tongue or a
+virtuous cuckold's lips that are not talking about it."
+
+"And what was it?"
+
+"Listen! This poor Cochegrue was returning from market, having sold
+his corn and two fat pigs. He was riding his pretty mare, who, near
+Azay, commenced to caper about without the slightest cause, and poor
+Cochegrue trotted and ambled along counting his profits. At the corner
+of the old road of the Landes de Charlemagne, they came upon a
+stallion kept by the Sieur de la Carte, in a field, in order to have a
+good breed of horses, because the said animal was fleet of foot, as
+handsome as an abbot, and so high and mighty that the admiral who came
+to see it, said it was a beast of the first quality. This cursed horse
+scented the pretty mare; like a cunning beast, neither neighed nor
+gave vent to any equine ejaculation, but when she was close to the
+road, leaped over forty rows of vines and galloped after her, pawing
+the ground with his iron shoes, discharging the artillery of a lover
+who longs for an embrace, giving forth sounds to set the strongest
+teeth on edge, and so loudly, that the people of Champy heard it and
+were much terrified thereat.
+
+"Cochegrue, suspecting the affair, makes for the moors, spurs his
+amorous mare, relying upon her rapid pace, and indeed, the good mare
+understands, obeys, and flies--flies like a bird, but a bowshot off
+follows the blessed horse, thundering along the road like a blacksmith
+beating iron, and at full speed, his mane flying in the wind, replying
+to the sound of the mare's swift gallop with his terrible pat-a-pan!
+pat-a-pan! Then the good farmer, feeling death following him in the
+love of the beast, spurs anew his mare, and harder still she gallops,
+until at last, pale and half dead with fear, he reaches the outer yard
+of his farmhouse, but finding the door of the stable shut he cries,
+'Help here! Wife!' Then he turned round on his mare, thinking to avoid
+the cursed beast whose love was burning, who was wild with passion,
+and growing more amorous every moment, to the great danger of the
+mare. His family, horrified at the danger, did not go to open the
+stable door, fearing the strange embrace and the kicks of the
+iron-shod lover. At last, Cochegrue's wife went, but just as the good
+mare was half way through the door, the cursed stallion seized her,
+squeezed her, gave her a wild greeting, with his two legs gripped her,
+pinched her and held her tight, and at the same time so kneaded and
+knocked about Cochegrue that there was only found of him a shapeless
+mass, crushed like a nut after the oil has been distilled from it. It
+was shocking to see him squashed alive and mingling his cries with the
+loud love-sighs of the horse."
+
+"Oh! the mare!" exclaimed the vicar's good wench.
+
+"What!" said the priest astonished.
+
+"Certainly. You men wouldn't have cracked a plumstone for us."
+
+"There," answered the vicar, "you wrong me." The good man threw her so
+angrily upon the bed, attacked and treated her so violently that she
+split into pieces, and died immediately without either surgeons or
+physicians being able to determine the manner in which the solution of
+continuity was arrived at, so violently disjointed were the hinges and
+mesial partitions. You can imagine that he was a proud man, and a
+splendid vicar as has been previously stated.
+
+The good people of the country, even the women, agreed that he was not
+to blame, but that his conduct was warranted by the circumstances.
+
+From this, perhaps, came the proverb so much in use at that time, Que
+l'aze le saille! The which proverb is really so much coarser in its
+actual wording, that out of respect for the ladies I will not mention
+it. But this was not the only clever thing that this great and noble
+vicar achieved, for before this misfortune he did such a stroke of
+business that no robbers dare ask him how many angels he had in his
+pocket, even had they been twenty strong and over to attack him. One
+evening when his good woman was still with him, after supper, during
+which he had enjoyed his goose, his wench, his wine, and everything,
+and was reclining in his chair thinking where he could build a new
+barn for the tithes, a message came for him from the lord of Sacche,
+who was giving up the ghost and wished to reconcile himself with God,
+receive the sacrament, and go through the usual ceremonies. "He is a
+good man and loyal lord. I will go." said he. Thereupon he passed into
+the church, took the silver box where the blessed bread is, rang the
+little bell himself in order not to wake the clerk, and went lightly
+and willingly along the roads. Near the Gue-droit, which is a valley
+leading to the Indre across the moors, our good vicar perceived a high
+toby. And what is a high toby? It is a clerk of St. Nicholas. Well,
+what is that? That means a person who sees clearly on a dark night,
+instructs himself by examining and turning over purses, and takes his
+degrees on the high road. Do you understand now? Well then, the high
+toby waited for the silver box, which he knew to be of great value.
+
+"Oh! oh!" said the priest, putting down the sacred vase on a stone at
+the corner of the bridge, "stop thou there without moving."
+
+Then he walked up to the robber, tipped him up, seized his loaded
+stick, and when the rascal got up to struggle with him, he gutted him
+with a blow well planted in the middle of his stomach. Then he picked
+up the viaticum again, saying bravely to it: "Ah! If I had relied upon
+thy providence, we should have been lost." Now to utter these impious
+words on the road to Sacche was mere waste of breath, seeing that he
+addressed them not to God, but to the Archbishop of Tours, who have
+once severely rebuked him, threatened him with suspension, and
+admonished him before the Chapter for having publicly told certain
+lazy people that a good harvest was not due to the grace of God, but
+to skilled labour and hard work--a doctrine which smelt of the fagot.
+And indeed he was wrong, because the fruits of the earth have need
+both of one and the other; but he died in this heresy, for he could
+never understand how crops could come without digging, if God so
+willed it--a doctrine that learned men have since proved to be true,
+by showing that formerly wheat grew very well without the aid of man.
+I cannot leave this splendid model of a pastor without giving here one
+of the acts of his life, which proves with what fervour he imitated
+the saints in the division of their goods and mantles, which they gave
+formerly to the poor and the passers-by. One day, returning from
+Tours, where he had been paying his respects to the official, mounted
+on his mule, he was nearing Azay. On the way, just out side Ballan, he
+met a pretty girl on foot, and was grieved to see a woman travelling
+like a dog; the more so as she was visibly fatigued, and could
+scarcely raise one foot before the other. He whistled to her softly,
+and the pretty wench turned round and stopped. The good priest, who
+was too good a sportsman to frighten the birds, especially the hooded
+ones, begged her so gently to ride behind him on his mule, and in so
+polite a fashion, that the lass got up; not without making those
+little excuses and grimaces that they all make when one invites them
+to eat, or to take what they like. The sheep paired off with the
+shepherd, the mule jogged along after the fashion of mules, while the
+girl slipped now this way now that, riding so uncomfortably that the
+priest pointed out to her, after leaving Ballan, that she had better
+hold on to him; and immediately my lady put her plump arms around the
+waist of her cavalier, in a modest and timorous manner.
+
+"There, you don't slip about now. Are you comfortable?" said the
+vicar.
+
+"Yes, I am comfortable. Are you?"
+
+"I?" said the priest, "I am better than that."
+
+And, in fact, he was quite at his ease, and was soon gently warmed in
+the back by two projections which rubbed against it, and at last
+seemed as though they wished to imprint themselves between his
+shoulder blades, which would have been a pity, as that was not the
+place for this white merchandise. By degrees the movement of mule
+brought into conjunction the internal warmth of these two good riders,
+and their blood coursed more quickly through their veins, seeing that
+it felt the motion of the mule as well as their own; and thus the good
+wench and the vicar finished by knowing each other's thoughts, but not
+those of the mule. When they were both acclimatised, he with her and
+she with him, they felt an internal disturbance which resolved itself
+into secret desires.
+
+"Ah!" said the vicar, turning round to his companion, "here is a fine
+cluster of trees which has grown very thick."
+
+"It is too near the road," replied the girl. "Bad boys have cut the
+branches, and the cows have eaten the young leaves."
+
+"Are you not married?" asked the vicar, trotting his animal again.
+
+"No," said she.
+
+"Not at all?"
+
+"I'faith! No!"
+
+"What a shame, at your age!"
+
+"You are right, sir; but you see, a poor girl who has had a child is a
+bad bargain."
+
+Then the good vicar taking pity on such ignorance, and knowing that
+the canons say among other things that pastors should indoctrinate
+their flock and show them the duties and responsibilities of this
+life, he thought he would only be discharging the functions of his
+office by showing her the burden she would have one day to bear. Then
+he begged her gently not be afraid, for if she would have faith in his
+loyalty no one should ever know of the marital experiment which he
+proposed then and there to perform with her; and as, since passing
+Ballan the girl had thought of nothing else; as her desire had been
+carefully sustained, and augmented by the warm movements of the
+animal, she replied harshly to the vicar, "if you talk thus I will get
+down." Then the good vicar continued his gentle requests so well that
+on reaching the wood of Azay the girl wished to get down, and the
+priest got down there too, for it was not across a horse that this
+discussion could be finished. Then the virtuous maiden ran into the
+thickest part of the wood to get away from the vicar, calling out,
+"Oh, you wicked man, you shan't know where I am."
+
+The mule arrived in a glade where the grass was good, the girl tumbled
+down over a root and blushed. The good vicar came to her, and there as
+he had rung the bell for mass he went through the service for her, and
+both freely discounted the joys of paradise. The good priest had it in
+his heart to thoroughly instruct her, and found his pupil very docile,
+as gentle in mind as soft in the flesh, a perfect jewel. Therefore was
+he much aggrieved at having so much abridged the lessons by giving it
+at Azay, seeing that he would have been quite willing to recommence
+it, like all of precentors who say the same thing over and over again
+to their pupils.
+
+"Ah! little one," cried the good man, "why did you make so much fuss
+that we only came to an understanding close to Azay?"
+
+"Ah!" said she, "I belong to Bellan."
+
+To be brief, I must tell you that when this good man died in his
+vicarage there was a great number of people, children and others, who
+came, sorrowful, afflicted, weeping, and grieved, and all exclaimed,
+"Ah! we have lost our father." And the girls, the widows, the wives
+and little girls looked at each other, regretting him more than a
+friend, and said, "He was more than a priest, he was a man!" Of these
+vicars the seed is cast to the winds, and they will never be
+reproduced in spite of the seminaries.
+
+Why, even the poor, to whom his savings were left, found themselves
+still the losers, and an old cripple whom he had succoured hobbled
+into the churchyard, crying "I don't die! I don't!" meaning to say,
+"Why did not death take me in his place?" This made some of the people
+laugh, at which the shade of the good vicar would certainly not have
+been displeased.
+
+
+
+                            THE REPROACH
+
+The fair laundress of Portillon-les-Tours, of whom a droll saying has
+already been given in this book, was a girl blessed with as much
+cunning as if she had stolen that of six priests and three women at
+least. She did not want for sweethearts, and had so many that one
+would have compared them, seeing them around her, to bees swarming of
+an evening towards their hive. An old silk dyer, who lived in the Rue
+St. Montfumier, and there possessed a house of scandalous
+magnificence, coming from his place at La Grenadiere, situated on the
+fair borders of St. Cyr, passed on horseback through Portillon in
+order to gain the Bridge of Tours. By reason of the warmth of the
+evening, he was seized with a wild desire on seeing the pretty
+washerwoman sitting upon her door-step. Now as for a very long time he
+had dreamed of this pretty maid, his resolution was taken to make her
+his wife, and in a short time she was transformed from a washerwoman
+into a dyer's wife, a good townswoman, with laces, fine linen, and
+furniture to spare, and was happy in spite of the dyer, seeing that
+she knew very well how to manage him. The good dyer had for a crony a
+silk machinery manufacturer who was small in stature, deformed for
+life, and full of wickedness. So on the wedding-day he said to the
+dyer, "You have done well to marry, my friend, we shall have a pretty
+wife!"; and a thousand sly jokes, such as it is usual to address to a
+bridegroom.
+
+In fact, this hunchback courted the dyer's wife, who from her nature,
+caring little for badly built people, laughed to scorn the request of
+the mechanician, and joked him about the springs, engines, and spools
+of which his shop was full. However, this great love of the hunchback
+was rebuffed by nothing, and became so irksome to the dyer's wife that
+she resolved to cure it by a thousand practical jokes. One evening,
+after the sempiternal pursuit, she told her lover to come to the back
+door and towards midnight she would open everything to him. Now note,
+this was on a winter's night; the Rue St. Montfumier is close to the
+Loire, and in this corner there continually blow in winter, winds
+sharp as a hundred needle-points. The good hunchback, well muffled up
+in his mantle, failed not to come, and trotted up and down to keep
+himself warm while waiting for the appointed hour. Towards midnight he
+was half frozen, as fidgety as thirty-two devils caught in a stole,
+and was about to give up his happiness, when a feeble light passed by
+the cracks of the window and came down towards the little door.
+
+"Ah, it is she!" said he.
+
+And this hope warned him once more. Then he got close to the door, and
+heard a little voice--
+
+"Are you there?" said the dyer's wife to him.
+
+"Yes."
+
+"Cough, that I may see."
+
+The hunchback began to cough.
+
+"It is not you."
+
+Then the hunchback said aloud--
+
+"How do you mean, it is not I? Do you not recognise my voice? Open the
+door!"
+
+"Who's there?" said the dyer, opening the window.
+
+"There, you have awakened my husband, who returned from Amboise
+unexpectedly this evening."
+
+Thereupon the dyer, seeing by the light of the moon a man at the door,
+threw a big pot of cold water over him, and cried out, "Thieves!
+thieves!" in such a manner that the hunchback was forced to run away;
+but in his fear he failed to clear the chain stretched across the
+bottom of the road and fell into the common sewer, which the sheriff
+had not then replaced by a sluice to discharge the mud into the Loire.
+In this bath the mechanician expected every moment to breathe his
+last, and cursed the fair Tascherette, for her husband's name being
+Taschereau, she was so called by way of a little joke by the people of
+Tours.
+
+Carandas--for so was named the manufacturer of machines to weave, to
+spin, to spool, and to wind the silk--was not sufficiently smitten to
+believe in the innocence of the dyer's wife, and swore a devilish hate
+against her. But some days afterwards, when he had recovered from his
+wetting in the dyer's drain he came up to sup with his old comrade.
+Then the dyer's wife reasoned with him so well, flavoured her words
+with so much honey, and wheedled him with so many fair promises, that
+he dismissed his suspicions.
+
+He asked for a fresh assignation, and the fair Tascherette with the
+face of a woman whose mind is dwelling on a subject, said to him,
+"Come tomorrow evening; my husband will be staying some days at
+Chinonceaux. The queen wishes to have some of her old dresses dyed and
+would settle the colours with him. It will take some time."
+
+Carandas put on his best clothes, failed not to keep the appointment,
+appeared at the time fixed, and found a good supper prepared,
+lampreys, wine of Vouvray, fine white napkins--for it was not
+necessary to remonstrate with the dyer's wife on the colour of her
+linen--and everything so well prepared that it was quite pleasant to
+him to see the dishes of fresh eels, to smell the good odour of the
+meats, and to admire a thousand little nameless things about the room,
+and La Tascherette fresh and appetising as an apple on a hot day. Now,
+the mechanician, excited to excess by these warm preparations, was on
+the point of attacking the charms of the dyer's wife, when Master
+Taschereau gave a loud knock at the street door.
+
+"Ha!" said madame, "what has happened? Put yourself in the clothes
+chest, for I have been much abused respecting you; and if my husband
+finds you, he may undo you; he is so violent in his temper."
+
+And immediately she thrust the hunchback into the chest, and went
+quickly to her good husband, whom she knew well would be back from
+Chinonceaux to supper. Then the dyer was kissed warmly on both his
+eyes and on both his ears and he caught his good wife to him and
+bestowed upon her two hearty smacks with his lips that sounded all
+over the room. Then the pair sat down to supper, talked together and
+finished by going to bed; and the mechanician heard all, though
+obliged to remain crumpled up, and not to cough or to make a single
+movement. He was in with the linen, crushed up as close as a sardine
+in a box, and had about as much air as he would have had at the bottom
+of a river; but he had, to divert him, the music of love, the sighs of
+the dyer, and the little jokes of La Tascherette. At last, when he
+fancied his old comrade was asleep, he made an attempt to get out of
+the chest.
+
+"Who is there?" said the dyer.
+
+"What is the matter my little one?" said his wife, lifting her nose
+above the counterpane.
+
+"I heard a scratching," said the good man.
+
+"We shall have rain to-morrow; it's the cat," replied his wife.
+
+The good husband put his head back upon the pillow after having been
+gently embraced by his spouse. "There, my dear, you are a light
+sleeper. It's no good trying to make a proper husband of you. There,
+be good. Oh! oh! my little papa, your nightcap is on one side. There,
+put it on the other way, for you must look pretty even when you are
+asleep. There! are you all right?"
+
+"Yes."
+
+"Are you sleep?" said she, giving him a kiss.
+
+"Yes."
+
+In the morning the dyer's wife came softly and let out the
+mechanician, who was whiter than a ghost.
+
+"Give me air, give me air!" said he.
+
+And away he ran cured of his love, but with as much hate in his heart
+as a pocket could hold of black wheat. The said hunchback left Tours
+and went to live in the town of Bruges, where certain merchants had
+sent for him to arrange the machinery for making hauberks.
+
+During his long absence, Carandas, who had Moorish blood in his veins,
+since he was descended from an ancient Saracen left half dead after
+the great battle which took place between the Moors and the French in
+the commune of Bellan (which is mentioned in the preceding tale), in
+which place are the Landes of Charlemagne, where nothing grows because
+of the cursed wretches and infidels there interred, and where the
+grass disagrees even with the cows--this Carandas never rose up or lay
+down in a foreign land without thinking of how he could give strength
+to his desires of vengeance; and he was dreaming always of it, and
+wishing nothing less than the death of the fair washerwoman of
+Portillon and often would cry out "I will eat her flesh! I will cook
+one of her breasts, and swallow it without sauce!" It was a tremendous
+hate of good constitution--a cardinal hate--a hate of a wasp or an old
+maid. It was all known hates moulded into one single hate, which
+boiled itself, concocted itself, and resolved self into an elixir of
+wicked and diabolical sentiments, warmed at the fire of the most
+flaming furnaces of hell--it was, in fact, a master hate.
+
+Now one fine day, the said Carandas came back into Touraine with much
+wealth, that he brought from the country of Flanders, where he had
+sold his mechanical secrets. He bought a splendid house in Rue St.
+Montfumier, which is still to be seen, and is the astonishment of the
+passers-by, because it has certain very queer round humps fashioned
+upon the stones of the wall. Carandas, the hater, found many notable
+changes at the house of his friend, the dyer, for the good man had two
+sweet children, who, by a curious chance, presented no resemblance
+either to the mother or to the father. But as it is necessary that
+children bear a resemblance to someone, there are certain people who
+look for the features of their ancestors, when they are
+good-looking--the flatters. So it was found by the good husband that
+his two boys were like one of his uncles, formerly a priest at Notre
+Dame de l'Egrignolles, but according to certain jokers, these two
+children were the living portraits of a good-looking shaven crown
+officiating in the Church of Notre Dame la Riche, a celebrated parish
+situated between Tours and Plessis. Now, believe one thing, and
+inculcate it upon your minds, and when in this book you shall only
+have gleaned, gathered, extracted, and learned this one principle of
+truth, look upon yourself as a lucky man--namely, that a man can never
+dispense with his nose, id est, that a man will always be snotty--that
+is to say, he will remain a man, and thus will continue throughout all
+future centuries to laugh and drink, to find himself in his shirt
+without feeling either better or worse there, and will have the same
+occupations. But these preparatory ideas are to better to fix in the
+understanding that this two-footed soul will always accept as true
+those things which flatter his passions, caress his hates, or serve
+his amours: from this comes logic. So it was that, the first day the
+above-mentioned Carandas saw his old comrade's children, saw the
+handsome priest, saw the beautiful wife of the dyer, saw La
+Taschereau, all seated at the table, and saw to his detriment the best
+piece of lamprey given with a certain air by La Tascherette to her
+friend the priest, the mechanician said to himself, "My old friend is
+a cuckold, his wife intrigues with the little confessor, and the
+children have been begotten with his holy water. I'll show them that
+the hunchbacks have something more than other men."
+
+And this was true--true as it is that Tours has always had its feet in
+the Loire, like a pretty girl who bathes herself and plays with the
+water, making a flick-flack, by beating the waves with her fair white
+hands; for the town is more smiling, merry, loving, fresh, flowery,
+and fragrant than all the other towns of the world, which are not
+worthy to comb her locks or to buckle her waistband. And be sure if
+you go there you will find, in the centre of it, a sweet place, in
+which is a delicious street where everyone promenades, where there is
+always a breeze, shade, sun, rain, and love. Ha! ha! laugh away, but
+go there. It is a street always new, always royal, always imperial--a
+patriotic street, a street with two paths, a street open at both ends,
+a wide street, a street so large that no one has ever cried, "Out of
+the way!" there. A street which does not wear out, a street which
+leads to the abbey of Grand-mont, and to a trench, which works very
+well with the bridge, and at the end of which is a finer fair ground.
+A street well paved, well built, well washed, as clean as a glass,
+populous, silent at certain times, a coquette with a sweet nightcap on
+its pretty blue tiles--to be short, it is the street where I was born;
+it is the queen of streets, always between the earth and sky; a street
+with a fountain; a street which lacks nothing to be celebrated among
+streets; and, in fact, it is the real street, the only street of
+Tours. If there are others, they are dark, muddy, narrow, and damp,
+and all come respectfully to salute this noble street, which commands
+them. Where am I? For once in this street no one cares to come out of
+it, so pleasant it is. But I owed this filial homage, this descriptive
+hymn sung from the heart to my natal street, at the corners of which
+there are wanting only the brave figures of my good master Rabelais,
+and of Monsieur Descartes, both unknown to the people of the country.
+To resume: the said Carandas was, on his return from Flanders,
+entertained by his comrade, and by all those by whom he was liked for
+his jokes, his drollery, and quaint remarks. The good hunchback
+appeared cured of his old love, embraced the children, and when he was
+alone with the dyer's wife, recalled the night in the clothes-chest,
+and the night in the sewer, to her memory, saying to her, "Ha, ha!
+what games you used to have with me."
+
+"It was your own fault," said she, laughing. "If you had allowed
+yourself by reason of your great love to be ridiculed, made a fool of,
+and bantered a few more times, you might have made an impression on
+me, like the others." Thereupon Carandas commenced to laugh, though
+inwardly raging all the time. Seeing the chest where he had nearly
+been suffocated, his anger increased the more violently because the
+sweet creature had become still more beautiful, like all those who are
+permanently youthful from bathing in the water of youth, which waters
+are naught less than the sources of love. The mechanician studied the
+proceedings in the way of cuckoldom at his neighbour's house, in order
+to revenge himself, for as many houses as there are so many varieties
+of manner are there in this business; and although all amours resemble
+each other in the same manner that all men resemble each other, it is
+proved to the abstractors of true things, that for the happiness of
+women, each love has its especial physiognomy, and if there is nothing
+that resembles a man so much as a man, there is also nothing differs
+from a man so much as a man. That it is, which confuses all things, or
+explains the thousand fancies of women, who seek the best men with a
+thousand pains and a thousand pleasures, perhaps more the one than the
+other. But how can I blame them for their essays, changes, and
+contradictory aims? Why, Nature frisks and wriggles, twists and turns
+about, and you expect a woman to remain still! Do you know if ice is
+really cold? No. Well then, neither do you know that cuckoldom is not
+a lucky chance, the produce of brains well furnished and better made
+than all the others. Seek something better than ventosity beneath the
+sky. This will help to spread the philosophic reputation of this
+eccentric book. Oh yes; go on. He who cries "vermin powder," is more
+advanced than those who occupy themselves with Nature, seeing that she
+is a proud jade and a capricious one, and only allows herself to be
+seen at certain times. Do you understand? So in all languages does she
+belong to the feminine gender, being a thing essentially changeable
+and fruitful and fertile in tricks.
+
+Now Carandas soon recognised the fact that among cuckoldoms the best
+understood and the most discreet is ecclesiastical cuckoldom. This is
+how the good dyer's wife had laid her plans. She went always towards
+her cottage at Grenadiere-les-St.-Cyr on the eve of the Sabbath,
+leaving her good husband to finish his work, to count up and check his
+books, and to pay his workmen; then Taschereau would join her there on
+the morrow, and always found a good breakfast ready and his good wife
+gay, and always brought the priest with him. The fact is, this
+damnable priest crossed the Loire the night before in a small boat, in
+order to keep the dyer's wife warm, and to calm her fancies, in order
+that she might sleep well during the night, a duty which young men
+understand very well. Then this fine curber of phantasies got back to
+his house in the morning by the time Taschereau came to invite him to
+spend the day at La Grenadiere, and the cuckold always found the
+priest asleep in his bed. The boatman being well paid, no one knew
+anything of these goings on, for the lover journeyed the night before
+after night fall, and on the Sunday in the early morning. As soon as
+Carandas had verified the arrangement and constant practice of these
+gallant diversions, he determined to wait for a day when the lovers
+would meet, hungry one for the other, after some accidental
+abstinence. This meeting took place very soon, and the curious
+hunchback saw the boatman waiting below the square, at the Canal St.
+Antoine, for the young priest, who was handsome, blonde, slender, and
+well-shaped, like the gallant and cowardly hero of love, so celebrated
+by Monsieur Ariosto. Then the mechanician went to find the old dyer,
+who always loved his wife and always believed himself the only man who
+had a finger in her pie.
+
+"Ah! good evening, old friend," said Carandas to Taschereau; and
+Taschereau made him a bow.
+
+Then the mechanician relates to him all the secret festivals of love,
+vomits words of peculiar import, and pricks the dyer on all sides.
+
+At length, seeing he was ready to kill both his wife and the priest,
+Carandas said to him, "My good neighbour, I had brought back from
+Flanders a poisoned sword, which will instantly kill anyone, if it
+only make a scratch upon him. Now, directly you shall have merely
+touched your wench and her paramour, they will die."
+
+"Let us go and fetch it," said the dyer.
+
+Then the two merchants went in great haste to the house of the
+hunchback, to get the sword and rush off to the country.
+
+"But shall we find them in flagrante delicto?" asked Taschereau.
+
+"You will see," said the hunchback, jeering his friend. In fact, the
+cuckold had not long to wait to behold the joy of the two lovers.
+
+The sweet wench and her well-beloved were busy trying to catch, in a
+certain lake that you probably know, that little bird that sometimes
+makes his nest there, and they were laughing and trying, and still
+laughing.
+
+"Ah, my darling!" said she, clasping him, as though she wished to make
+an outline of him on her chest, "I love thee so much I should like to
+eat thee! Nay, more than that, to have you in my skin, so that you
+might never quit me."
+
+"I should like it too," replied the priest, "but as you can't have me
+altogether, you must try a little bit at a time."
+
+It was at this moment that the husband entered, he sword unsheathed
+and flourished above him. The beautiful Tascherette, who knew her
+lord's face well, saw what would be the fate of her well-beloved the
+priest. But suddenly she sprang towards the good man, half naked, her
+hair streaming over her, beautiful with shame, but more beautiful with
+love, and cried to him, "Stay, unhappy man! Wouldst thou kill the
+father of thy children?"
+
+Thereupon the good dyer staggered by the paternal majesty of
+cuckoldom, and perhaps also by the fire of his wife's eyes, let the
+sword fall upon the foot of the hunchback, who had followed him, and
+thus killed him.
+
+This teaches us not to be spiteful.
+
+
+
+                              EPILOGUE
+
+Here endeth the first series of these Tales, a roguish sample of the
+works of that merry Muse, born ages ago, in our fair land of Touraine,
+the which Muse is a good wench, and knows by heart that fine saying of
+her friend Verville, written in _Le Moyen de Parvenir_: It is only
+necessary to be bold to obtain favours. Alas! mad little one, get thee
+to bed again, sleep; thou art panting from thy journey; perhaps thou
+hast been further than the present time. Now dry thy fair naked feet,
+stop thine ears, and return to love. If thou dreamest other poesy
+interwoven with laughter to conclude these merry inventions, heed not
+the foolish clamour and insults of those who, hearing the carol of a
+joyous lark of other days, exclaim: Ah, the horrid bird!
+
+
+
+
+                             VOLUME II
+                        THE SECOND TEN TALES
+
+
+
+                              CONTENTS
+
+PROLOGUE
+THE THREE CLERKS OF SAINT NICHOLAS
+THE CONTINENCE OF KING FRANCIS THE FIRST
+THE MERRY TATTLE OF THE NUNS OF POISSY
+HOW THE CHATEAU D'AZAY CAME TO BE BUILT
+THE FALSE COURTESAN
+THE DANGER OF BEING TOO INNOCENT
+THE DEAR NIGHT OF LOVE
+THE SERMON OF THE MERRY VICAR OF MEUDON
+THE SUCCUBUS
+DESPAIR IN LOVE
+EPILOGUE
+
+
+
+                              PROLOGUE
+
+Certain persons have reproached the Author for knowing no more about
+the language of the olden times than hares do of telling stories.
+Formerly these people would have been vilified, called cannibals,
+churls, and sycophants, and Gomorrah would have been hinted at as
+their natal place. But the Author consents to spare them the flowery
+epithets of ancient criticism; he contents himself with wishing not to
+be in their skin, for he would be disgusted with himself, and esteem
+himself the vilest of scribblers thus to calumniate a poor little book
+which is not in the style of any spoil-paper of these times. Ah!
+ill-natured wretches! you should save your breath to cool your own
+porridge! The Author consoles himself for his want of success in not
+pleasing everyone by remembering that an old Tourainian, of eternal
+memory, had put up with such contumely, that losing all patience, he
+declared in one of his prologues, that he would never more put pen to
+paper. Another age, but the same manners. Nothing changes, neither God
+above nor men below. Thereupon of the Author continues his task with a
+light heart, relying upon the future to reward his heavy labours.
+
+And certes, it is a hard task to invent _A Hundred Droll Tales_, since
+not only have ruffians and envious men opened fire upon him, but his
+friends have imitated their example, and come to him saying "Are you
+mad? Do you think it is possible? No man ever had in the depths of his
+imagination a hundred such tales. Change the hyperbolic title of your
+budget. You will never finish it." These people are neither
+misanthropes nor cannibals; whether they are ruffians I know not; but
+for certain they are kind, good-natured friends; friends who have the
+courage to tell you disagreeable things all your life along, who are
+rough and sharp as currycombs, under the pretence that they are yours
+to command, in all the mishaps of life, and in the hour of extreme
+unction, all their worth will be known. If such people would only keep
+these sad kindnesses; but they will not. When their terrors are proved
+to have been idle, they exclaimed triumphantly, "Ha! ha! I knew it. I
+always said so."
+
+In order not to discourage fine sentiments, intolerable though they
+be, the Author leaves to his friends his old shoes, and in order to
+make their minds easy, assures them that he has, legally protected and
+exempt from seizure, seventy droll stories, in that reservoir of
+nature, his brain. By the gods! they are precious yarns, well rigged
+out with phrases, carefully furnished with catastrophes, amply clothed
+with original humour, rich in diurnal and nocturnal effects, nor
+lacking that plot which the human race has woven each minute, each
+hour, each week, month, and year of the great ecclesiastical
+computation, commenced at a time when the sun could scarcely see, and
+the moon waited to be shown her way. These seventy subjects, which he
+gives you leave to call bad subjects, full of tricks and impudence,
+lust, lies, jokes, jests, and ribaldry, joined to the two portions
+here given, are, by the prophet! a small instalment on the aforesaid
+hundred.
+
+Were it not a bad time for a bibliopolists, bibliomaniacs,
+bibliographers, and bibliotheques which hinder bibliolatry, he would
+have given them in a bumper, and not drop by drop as if he were
+afflicted with dysury of the brain. He cannot possibly be suspected of
+this infirmity, since he often gives good weight, putting several
+stories into one, as is clearly demonstrated by several in this
+volume. You may rely on it, that he has chosen for the finish, the
+best and most ribald of the lot, in order that he may not be accused
+of a senile discourse. Put then more likes with your dislikes, and
+dislikes with your likes. Forgetting the niggardly behaviour of nature
+to story-tellers, of whom there are not more than seven perfect in the
+great ocean of human writers, others, although friendly, have been of
+opinion that, at a time when everyone went about dressed in black, as
+if in mourning for something, it was necessary to concoct works either
+wearisomely serious or seriously wearisome; that a writer could only
+live henceforward by enshrining his ideas in some vast edifice, and
+that those who were unable to construct cathedrals and castles of
+which neither stone nor cement could be moved, would die unknown, like
+the Pope's slippers. The friends were requested to declare which they
+liked best, a pint of good wine, or a tun of cheap rubbish; a diamond
+of twenty-two carats, or a flintstone weighing a hundred pounds; the
+ring of Hans Carvel, as told by Rabelais, or a modern narrative
+pitifully expectorated by a schoolboy. Seeing them dumbfounded and
+abashed, it was calmly said to them, "Do you thoroughly understand,
+good people? Then go your ways and mind your own businesses."
+
+The following, however, must be added, for the benefit of all of whom
+it may concern:--The good man to whom we owe fables and stories of
+sempiternal authority only used his tool on them, having taken his
+material from others; but the workmanship expended on these little
+figures has given them a high value; and although he was, like M.
+Louis Ariosto, vituperated for thinking of idle pranks and trifles,
+there is a certain insect engraved by him which has since become a
+monument of perennity more assured than that of the most solidly built
+works. In the especial jurisprudence of wit and wisdom the custom is
+to steal more dearly a leaf wrested from the book of Nature and Truth,
+than all the indifferent volumes from which, however fine they be, it
+is impossible to extract either a laugh or a tear. The author has
+licence to say this without any impropriety, since it is not his
+intention to stand upon tiptoe in order to obtain an unnatural height,
+but because it is a question of the majesty of his art, and not of
+himself--a poor clerk of the court, whose business it is to have ink
+in his pen, to listen to the gentleman on the bench, and take down the
+sayings of each witness in this case. He is responsible for
+workmanship, Nature for the rest, since from the Venus of Phidias the
+Athenian, down to the little old fellow, Godenot, commonly called the
+Sieur Breloque, a character carefully elaborated by one of the most
+celebrated authors of the present day, everything is studied from the
+eternal model of human imitations which belongs to all. At this honest
+business, happy are the robbers that they are not hanged, but esteemed
+and beloved. But he is a triple fool, a fool with ten horns on his
+head, who struts, boasts, and is puffed up at an advantage due to the
+hazard of dispositions, because glory lies only in the cultivation of
+the faculties, in patience and courage.
+
+As for the soft-voiced and pretty-mouthed ones, who have whispered
+delicately in the author's ear, complaining to him that they have
+disarranged their tresses and spoiled their petticoats in certain
+places, he would say to them, "Why did you go there?" To these remarks
+he is compelled, through the notable slanders of certain people, to
+add a notice to the well-disposed, in order that they may use it, and
+end the calumnies of the aforesaid scribblers concerning him.
+
+These droll tales are written--according to all authorities--at that
+period when Queen Catherine, of the house of Medici, was hard at work;
+for, during a great portion of the reign, she was always interfering
+with public affairs to the advantage of our holy religion. The which
+time has seized many people by the throat, from our defunct Master
+Francis, first of that name, to the Assembly at Blois, where fell M.
+de Guise. Now, even schoolboys who play at chuck-farthing, know that
+at this period of insurrection, pacifications and disturbances, the
+language of France was a little disturbed also, on account of the
+inventions of the poets, who at that time, as at this, used each to
+make a language for himself, besides the strange Greek, Latin,
+Italian, German, and Swiss words, foreign phrases, and Spanish jargon,
+introduced by foreigners, so that a poor writer has plenty of elbow
+room in this Babelish language, which has since been taken in hand by
+Messieurs de Balzac, Blaise Pascal, Furetiere, Menage, St. Evremonde,
+de Malherbe, and others, who first cleaned out the French language,
+sent foreign words to the rightabout, and gave the right of
+citizenship to legitimate words used and known by everyone, but of
+which the Sieur Ronsard was ashamed.
+
+Having finished, the author returns to his lady-love, wishing every
+happiness to those by whom he is beloved; to the others misfortune
+according to their deserts. When the swallows fly homeward, he will
+come again, not without the third and fourth volume, which he here
+promises to the Pantagruelists, merry knaves, and honest wags of all
+degrees, who have a wholesome horror of the sadness, sombre meditation
+and melancholy of literary croakers.
+
+
+
+                  THE THREE CLERKS OF ST. NICHOLAS
+
+The _Inn of the Three Barbels_ was formerly at Tours, the best place
+in the town for sumptuous fare; and the landlord, reputed the best of
+cooks, went to prepare wedding breakfasts as far as Chatelherault,
+Loches, Vendome, and Blois. This said man, an old fox, perfect in his
+business, never lighted lamps in the day time, knew how to skin a
+flint, charged for wool, leather, and feathers, had an eye to
+everything, did not easily let anyone pay with chaff instead of coin,
+and for a penny less than his account would have affronted even a
+prince. For the rest, he was a good banterer, drinking and laughing
+with his regular customers, hat in hand always before the persons
+furnished with plenary indulgences entitled _Sit nomen Domini
+benedictum_, running them into expense, and proving to them, if need
+were, by sound argument, that wines were dear, and that whatever they
+might think, nothing was given away in Touraine, everything had to be
+bought, and, at the same time, paid for. In short, if he could without
+disgrace have done so, he would have reckoned so much for the good
+air, and so much for the view of the country. Thus he built up a tidy
+fortune with other people's money, became as round as a butt, larded
+with fat, and was called Monsieur. At the time of the last fair three
+young fellows, who were apprentices in knavery, in whom there was more
+of the material that makes thieves than saints, and who knew just how
+far it was possible to go without catching their necks in the branches
+of trees, made up their minds to amuse themselves, and live well,
+condemning certain hawkers or others in all the expenses. Now these
+limbs of Satan gave the slip to their masters, under whom they had
+been studying the art of parchment scrawling, and came to stay at the
+hotel of the Three Barbels, where they demanded the best rooms, turned
+the place inside out, turned up their noses at everything, bespoke all
+the lampreys in the market, and announced themselves as first-class
+merchants, who never carried their goods with them, and travelled only
+with their persons. The host bustled about, turned the spits, and
+prepared a glorious repast, for these three dodgers, who had already
+made noise enough for a hundred crowns, and who most certainly would
+not even have given up the copper coins which one of them was jingling
+in his pocket. But if they were hard up for money they did not want
+for ingenuity, and all three arranged to play their parts like thieves
+at a fair. Theirs was a farce in which there was plenty of eating and
+drinking, since for five days they so heartily attacked every kind of
+provision that a party of German soldiers would have spoiled less than
+they obtained by fraud. These three cunning fellows made their way to
+the fair after breakfast, well primed, gorged, and big in the belly,
+and did as they liked with the greenhorns and others, robbing,
+filching, playing, and losing, taking down the writings and signs and
+changing them, putting that of the toyman over the jeweller's, and
+that of the jeweller's outside the shoe maker's, turning the shops
+inside out, making the dogs fight, cutting the ropes of tethered
+horses, throwing cats among the crowd, crying, "Stop thief!" And
+saying to every one they met, "Are you not Monsieur D'Enterfesse of
+Angiers?" Then they hustled everyone, making holes in the sacks of
+flour, looking for their handkerchiefs in ladies' pockets, raising
+their skirts, crying, looking for a lost jewel and saying to them--
+
+"Ladies, it has fallen into a hole!"
+
+They directed the little children wrongly, slapped the stomachs of
+those who were gaping in the air, and prowled about, fleecing and
+annoying every one. In short, the devil would have been a gentleman in
+comparison with these blackguard students, who would have been hanged
+rather than do an honest action; as well have expected charity from
+two angry litigants. They left the fair, not fatigued, but tired of
+ill-doing, and spent the remainder of their time over dinner until the
+evening when they recommenced their pranks by torchlight. After the
+peddlers, they commenced operations on the ladies of the town, to
+whom, by a thousand dodges, they gave only that which they received,
+according to the axiom of Justinian: _Cuiqum jus tribuere_. "To every
+one his own juice;" and afterwards jokingly said to the poor wenches--
+
+"We are in the right and you are in the wrong."
+
+At last, at supper-time, having nothing else to do, they began to
+knock each other about, and to keep the game alive, complained of the
+flies to the landlord, remonstrating with him that elsewhere the
+innkeepers had them caught in order that gentleman of position might
+not be annoyed by them. However, towards the fifth day, which is the
+critical day of fevers, the host not having seen, although he kept his
+eyes wide open, the royal surface of a crown, and knowing that if all
+that glittered were gold it would be cheaper, began to knit his brows
+and go more slowly about that which his high-class merchants required
+of him. Fearing that he had made a bad bargain with them, he tried to
+sound the depth of their pockets; perceiving which the three clerks
+ordered him with the assurance of a Provost hanging his man, to serve
+them quickly with a good supper as they had to depart immediately.
+Their merry countenances dismissed the host's suspicions. Thinking
+that rogues without money would certainly look grave, he prepared a
+supper worthy of a canon, wishing even to see them drunk, in order the
+more easily to clap them in jail in the event of an accident. Not
+knowing how to make their escape from the room, in which they were
+about as much at their ease as are fish upon straw, the three
+companions ate and drank immoderately, looking at the situation of the
+windows, waiting the moment to decamp, but not getting the
+opportunity. Cursing their luck, one of them wished to go and undo his
+waistcoat, on account of a colic, the other to fetch a doctor to the
+third, who did his best to faint. The cursed landlord kept dodging
+about from the kitchen into the room, and from the room into the
+kitchen, watching the nameless ones, and going a step forward to save
+his crowns, and going a step back to save his crown, in case they
+should be real gentlemen; and he acted like a brave and prudent host
+who likes halfpence and objects to kicks; but under pretence of
+properly attending to them, he always had an ear in the room, and a
+foot in the court; fancied he was always being called by them, came
+every time they laughed, showing them a face with an unsettled look
+upon it, and always said, "Gentlemen, what is your pleasure?" This was
+an interrogatory in reply to which they would willingly have given him
+ten inches of his own spit in his stomach, because he appeared as if
+he knew very well what would please them at this juncture, seeing that
+to have twenty crowns, full weight, they would each of them have sold
+a third of his eternity. You can imagine they sat on their seats as if
+they were gridirons, that their feet itched and their posteriors were
+rather warm. Already the host had put the pears, the cheese, and the
+preserves near their noses, but they, sipping their liquor, and
+picking at the dishes, looked at each other to see if either of them
+had found a good piece of roguery in his sack, and they all began to
+enjoy themselves rather woefully. The most cunning of the three
+clerks, who was a Burgundian, smiled and said, seeing the hour of
+payment arrived, "This must stand over for a week," as if they had
+been at the Palais de Justice. The two others, in spite of the danger,
+began to laugh.
+
+"What do we owe?" asked he who had in his belt the heretofore
+mentioned twelve sols and he turned them about as though he would make
+them breed little ones by this excited movement. He was a native of
+Picardy, and very passionate; a man to take offence at anything in
+order that he might throw the landlord out the window in all security
+of conscience. Now he said these words with the air of a man of
+immense wealth.
+
+"Six crowns, gentlemen," replied the host, holding out his hand.
+
+"I cannot permit myself to be entertained by you alone, Viscount,"
+said the third student, who was from Anjou, and as artful as a woman
+in love.
+
+"Neither can I," said the Burgundian.
+
+"Gentlemen! Gentlemen!" replied the Picardian "you are jesting. I am
+yours to command."
+
+"Sambreguoy!" cried he of Anjou. "You will not let us pay three times;
+our host would not suffer it."
+
+"Well then," said the Burgundian, "whichever of us shall tell the
+worst tale shall justify the landlord."
+
+"Who will be the judge?" asked the Picardian, dropping his twelve sols
+to the bottom of his pocket.
+
+"Pardieu! our host. He should be capable, seeing that he is a man of
+taste," said he of Anjou. "Come along, great chef, sit you down,
+drink, and lend us both your ears. The audience is open."
+
+Thereupon the host sat down, but not until he had poured out a
+gobletful of wine.
+
+"My turn first," said the Anjou man. "I commence."
+
+"In our Duchy of Anjou, the country people are very faithful servants
+to our Holy of Catholic religion, and none of them will lose his
+portion of paradise for lack of doing penance or killing a heretic. If
+a professor of heresy passed that way, he quickly found himself under
+the grass, without knowing whence his death had proceeded. A good man
+of Larze, returning one night from his evening prayer to the wine
+flasks of Pomme-de-Pin, where he had left his understanding and
+memory, fell into a ditch full of water near his house, and found he
+was up to his neck. One of the neighbours finding him shortly
+afterwards nearly frozen, for it was winter time, said jokingly to
+him--
+
+"'Hulloa! What are you waiting for there?'
+
+"'A thaw', said the tipsy fellow, finding himself held by the ice.
+
+"Then Godenot, like a good Christian, released him from his dilemma,
+and opened the door of the house to him, out of respect to the wine,
+which is lord of this country. The good man then went and got into the
+bed of the maid-servant, who was a young and pretty wench. The old
+bungler, bemuddled with wine, went ploughing in the wrong land,
+fancying all the time it was his wife by his side, and thanking her
+for the youth and freshness she still retained. On hearing her
+husband, the wife began to cry out, and by her terrible shrieks the
+man was awakened to the fact that he was not in the road to salvation,
+which made the poor labourer sorrowful beyond expression.
+
+"'Ah! said he; 'God has punished me for not going to vespers at
+Church.'
+
+"And he began to excuse himself as best he could, saying, that the
+wine had muddled his understanding, and getting into his own bed he
+kept repeating to his good wife, that for his best cow he would not
+have had this sin upon his conscience.
+
+"'My dear', said she, 'go and confess the first thing tomorrow
+morning, and let us say no more about it.'
+
+"The good man trotted to confessional, and related his case with all
+humility to the rector of the parish, who was a good old priest,
+capable of being up above, the slipper of the holy foot.
+
+"'An error is not a sin,' said he to the penitent. 'You will fast
+tomorrow, and be absolved.'
+
+"'Fast!--with pleasure,' said the good man. 'That does not mean go
+without drink.'
+
+"'Oh!' replied the rector, 'you must drink water, and eat nothing but
+a quarter of a loaf and an apple.'
+
+"Then the good man, who had no confidence in his memory, went home,
+repeating to himself the penance ordered. But having loyally commenced
+with a quarter of a loaf and an apple, he arrived at home, saying, a
+quarter of apples, and a loaf.
+
+"Then, to purify his soul, he set about accomplishing his fast, and
+his good woman having given him a loaf from the safe, and unhooked a
+string of apples from the beam, he set sorrowfully to work. As he
+heaved a sigh on taking the last mouthful of bread hardly knowing
+where to put it, for he was full to the chin, his wife remonstrated
+with him, that God did not desire the death of a sinner, and that for
+lack of putting a crust of bread in his belly, he would not be
+reproached for having put things in their wrong places.
+
+"'Hold your tongue, wife!' said he. 'If it chokes me, I must fast.'"
+
+"I've payed my share, it's your turn, Viscount," added he of Anjou,
+giving the Picardian a knowing wink.
+
+"The goblets are empty. Hi, there! More wine."
+
+"Let us drink," cried the Picardian. "Moist stories slip out easier."
+
+At the same time he tossed off a glassful without leaving a drop at
+the bottom, and after a preliminary little cough, he related the
+following:--
+
+"You must know that the maids of Picardy, before setting up
+housekeeping, are accustomed honestly to gain their linen, vessels,
+and chests; in short, all the needed household utensils. To accomplish
+this, they go into service in Peronne, Abbeville, Amiens, and other
+towns, where they are tire-women, wash up glasses, clean plates, fold
+linen, and carry up the dinner, or anything that there is to be
+carried. They are all married as soon as they possess something else
+besides that which they naturally bring to their husbands. These women
+are the best housewives, because they understand the business and
+everything else thoroughly. One belonging to Azonville, which is the
+land of which I am lord by inheritance, having heard speak of Paris,
+where the people did not put themselves out of the way for anyone, and
+where one could subsist for a whole day by passing the cook's shops,
+and smelling the steam, so fattening was it, took it into her head to
+go there. She trudged bravely along the road, and arrived with a
+pocket full of emptiness. There she fell in, at the Porte St. Denise,
+with a company of soldiers, placed there for a time as a vidette, for
+the Protestants had assumed a dangerous attitude. The sergeant seeing
+this hooded linnet coming, stuck his headpiece on one side,
+straightened his feather, twisted his moustache, cleared his throat,
+rolled his eyes, put his hand on his hips, and stopped the Picardian
+to see if her ears were properly pierced, since it was forbidden to
+girls to enter otherwise into Paris. Then he asked her, by way of a
+joke, but with a serious face, what brought her there, he pretending
+to believe she had come to take the keys of Paris by assault. To which
+the poor innocent replied, that she was in search of a good situation,
+and had no evil intentions, only desiring to gain something.
+
+"'Very well; I will employ you,' said the wag. 'I am from Picardy, and
+will get you taken in here, where you will be treated as a queen would
+often like to be, and you will be able to make a good thing of it.'
+
+"Then he led her to the guard-house, where he told her to sweep the
+floor, polish the saucepans, stir the fire, and keep a watch on
+everything, adding that she should have thirty sols a head from the
+men if their service pleased her. Now seeing that the squad was there
+for a month, she would be able to gain ten crowns, and at their
+departure would find fresh arrivals who would make good arrangements
+with her, and by this means she would be able to take back money and
+presents to her people. The girl cleaned the room and prepared the
+meals so well, singing and humming, that this day the soldiers found
+in their den the look of a monk's refectory. Then all being well
+content, each of them gave a sol to their handmaiden. Well satisfied,
+they put her into the bed of their commandant, who was in town with
+his lady, and they petted and caressed her after the manner of
+philosophical soldiers, that is, soldiers partial to that which is
+good. She was soon comfortably ensconced between the sheets. But to
+avoid quarrels and strife, my noble warriors drew lots for their turn,
+arranged themselves in single file, playing well at Pique hardie,
+saying not a word, but each one taking at least twenty-six sols worth
+of the girl's society. Although not accustomed to work for so many,
+the poor girl did her best, and by this means never closed her eyes
+the whole night. In the morning, seeing the soldiers were fast asleep,
+she rose happy at bearing no marks of the sharp skirmish, and although
+slightly fatigued, managed to get across the fields into the open
+country with her thirty sols. On the route to Picardy, she met one of
+her friends, who, like herself, wished to try service in Paris, and
+was hurrying thither, and seeing her, asked her what sort of places
+they were.
+
+"'Ah! Perrine; do not go. You want to be made of iron, and even if you
+were it would soon be worn away,' was the answer.
+
+"Now, big-belly of Burgundy," said he, giving his neighbour a hearty
+slap, "spit out your story or pay!"
+
+"By the queen of Antlers!" replied the Burgundian, "by my faith, by
+the saints, by God! and by the devil, I know only stories of the Court
+of Burgundy, which are only current coin in our own land."
+
+"Eh, ventre Dieu! are we not in the land of Beauffremont?" cried the
+other, pointing to the empty goblets.
+
+"I will tell you, then, an adventure well known at Dijon, which
+happened at the time I was in command there, and was worth being
+written down. There was a sergeant of justice named Franc-Taupin, who
+was an old lump of mischief, always grumbling, always fighting; stiff
+and starchy, and never comforting those he was leading to the hulks,
+with little jokes by the way; and in short, he was just the man to
+find lice in bald heads, and bad behaviour in the Almighty. This said
+Taupin, spurned by every one, took unto himself a wife, and by chance
+he was blessed with one as mild as the peel of an onion, who, noticing
+the peculiar humour of her husband, took more pains to bring joy to
+his house than would another to bestow horns upon him. But although
+she was careful to obey him in all things, and to live at peace would
+have tried to excrete gold for him, had God permitted it, this man was
+always surly and crabbed, and no more spared his wife blows, than does
+a debtor promises to the bailiff's man. This unpleasant treatment
+continuing in spite of the carefulness and angelic behaviour of the
+poor woman, she being unable to accustom herself to it, was compelled
+to inform her relations, who thereupon came to the house. When they
+arrived, the husband declared to them that his wife was an idiot, that
+she displeased him in every possible way, and made his life almost
+unbearable; that she would wake him out of his first sleep, never came
+to the door when he knocked, but would leave him out in the rain and
+the cold, and that the house was always untidy. His garments were
+buttonless, his laces wanted tags. The linen was spoiling, the wine
+turning sour, the wood damp, and the bed was always creaking at
+unreasonable moments. In short, everything was going wrong. To this
+tissue of falsehoods, the wife replied by pointing to the clothes and
+things, all in a state of thorough repair. Then the sergeant said that
+he was very badly treated, that his dinner was never ready for him, or
+if it was, the broth was thin or the soup cold, either the wine or the
+glasses were forgotten, the meat was without gravy or parsley, the
+mustard had turned, he either found hairs in the dish or the cloth was
+dirty and took away his appetite, indeed nothing did she ever get for
+him that was to his liking. The wife, astonished, contented herself
+with stoutly denying the fault imputed to her. 'Ah,' said he, 'you
+dirty hussy! You deny it, do you! Very well then, my friends, you come
+and dine here to-day, you shall be witnesses of her misconduct. And if
+she can for once serve me properly, I will confess myself wrong in all
+I have stated, and will never lift my hand against her again, but will
+resign to her my halberd and my breeches, and give her full authority
+here.'
+
+"'Oh, well,' said she, joyfully, 'I shall then henceforth be both wife
+and mistress!'
+
+"Then the husband, confident of the nature and imperfections of his
+wife, desired that the dinner should be served under the vine arbor,
+thinking that he would be able to shout at her if she did not hurry
+quickly enough from the table to the pantry. The good housewife set to
+work with a will. The plates were clean enough to see one's face in,
+the mustard was fresh and well made, the dinner beautifully cooked, as
+appetising as stolen fruit; the glasses were clear, the wine was cool,
+and everything so nice, so clean and white, that the repast would have
+done honour to a bishop's chatterbox. Just as she was standing before
+the table, casting that last glance which all good housewives like to
+give everything, her husband knocked at the door. At that very moment
+a cursed hen, who had taken it into her head to get on top of the
+arbor to gorge herself with grapes, let fall a large lump of dirt
+right in the middle of the cloth. The poor woman was half dead with
+fright; so great was her despair, she could think of no other way of
+remedying the thoughtlessness of the fowl then by covering the
+unseemly patch with a plate in which she put the fine fruits taken at
+random from her pocket, losing sight altogether of the symmetry of the
+table. Then, in order that no one should notice it, she instantly
+fetched the soup, seated every one in his place, and begged them to
+enjoy themselves.
+
+"Now, all of them seeing everything so well arranged, uttered
+exclamations of pleasure, except the diabolical husband, who remained
+moody and sullen, knitting his brows and looking for a straw on which
+to hang a quarrel with his wife. Thinking it safe to give him one for
+himself, her relations being present, she said to him, 'Here's your
+dinner, nice and hot, well served, the cloth is clean, the
+salt-cellars full, the plates clean, the wine fresh, the bread well
+baked. What is there lacking? What do you require? What do you desire?
+What else do you want?'
+
+"'Oh, filth!' said he, in a great rage.
+
+"The good woman instantly lifted the plate, and replied--
+
+"'There you are, my dear!'
+
+"Seeing which, the husband was dumbfounded, thinking that the devil
+was in league with his wife. He was immediately gravely reproached by
+the relations, who declared him to be in the wrong, abused him, and
+made more jokes at his expense than a recorder writes words in a
+month. From that time forward the sergeant lived comfortably and
+peaceably with his wife, who at the least appearance of temper on his
+part, would say to him--
+
+"'Do you want some filth?'"
+
+"Who has told the worst now?" cried the Anjou man, giving the host a
+tap on the shoulder.
+
+"He has! He has!" said the two others. Then they began to dispute
+among themselves, like the holy fathers in council; seeking, by
+creating a confusion, throwing the glasses at each other, and jumping
+about, a lucky chance, to make a run of it.
+
+"I'll settle the question," cried the host, seeing that whereas they
+had all three been ready with their own accounts, not one of them was
+thinking of his.
+
+They stopped terrified.
+
+"I will tell you a better one than all, then you will have to give ten
+sols a head."
+
+"Silence for the landlord," said the one from Anjou.
+
+"In our fauborg of Notre-dame la Riche, in which this inn is situated,
+there lived a beautiful girl, who besides her natural advantages, had
+a good round sum in her keeping. Therefore, as soon as she was old
+enough, and strong enough to bear the matrimonial yoke, she had as
+many lovers as there are sols in St. Gatien's money-box on the
+Paschal-day. The girl chose one who, saving your presence, was as good
+a worker, night and day, as any two monks together. They were soon
+betrothed, and the marriage was arranged; but the joy of the first
+night did not draw nearer without occasioning some slight
+apprehensions to the lady, as she was liable, through an infirmity, to
+expel vapours, which came out like bombshells. Now, fearing that when
+thinking of something else, during the first night, she might give the
+reins to her eccentricities, she stated the case to her mother, whose
+assistance she invoked. That good lady informed her that this faculty
+of engineering wind was inherent in the family; that in her time she
+had been greatly embarrassed by it, but only in the earlier period of
+her life. God had been kind to her, and since the age of seven, she
+had evaporated nothing except on the last occasion when she had
+bestowed upon her dead husband a farewell blow. 'But,' said she to her
+daughter, 'I have ever a sure specific, left to me by my mother, which
+brings these surplus explosions to nothing, and exhales them
+noiselessly. By this means these sighs become odourless, and scandal
+is avoided.'
+
+"The girl, much pleased, learned how to sail close to the wind,
+thanked her mother, and danced away merrily, storing up her flatulence
+like an organ-blower waiting for the first note of mass. Entering the
+nuptial chamber, she determined to expel it when getting into bed, but
+the fantastic element was beyond control. The husband came; I leave
+you to imagine how love's conflict sped. In the middle of the night,
+the bride arose under a false pretext, and quickly returned again; but
+when climbing into her place, the pent up force went off with such a
+loud discharge, that you would have thought with me that the curtains
+were split.
+
+"'Ha! I've missed my aim!' said she.
+
+"''Sdeath, my dear!' I replied, 'then spare your powder. You would
+earn a good living in the army with that artillery.'
+
+"It was my wife."
+
+"Ha! ha! ha!" went the clerks.
+
+And they roared with laughter, holding their sides and complimenting
+their host.
+
+"Did you ever hear a better story, Viscount?"
+
+"Ah, what a story!"
+
+"That is a story!"
+
+"A master story!"
+
+"The king of stories!"
+
+"Ha, ha! It beats all the other stories hollow. After that I say there
+are no stories like the stories of our host."
+
+"By the faith of a Christian, I never heard a better story in my
+life."
+
+"Why, I can hear the report."
+
+"I should like to kiss the orchestra."
+
+"Ah! gentlemen," said the Burgundian, gravely, "we cannot leave
+without seeing the hostess, and if we do not ask to kiss this famous
+wind-instrument, it is a out of respect for so good a story-teller."
+
+Thereupon they all exalted the host, his story, and his wife's trumpet
+so well that the old fellow, believing in these knaves' laughter and
+pompous eulogies, called to his wife. But as she did not come, the
+clerks said, not without frustrative intention, "Let us go to her."
+
+Thereupon they all went out of the room. The host took the candle and
+went upstairs first, to light them and show them the way; but seeing
+the street door ajar, the rascals took to their heels, and were off
+like shadows, leaving the host to take in settlement of his account
+another of his wife's offerings.
+
+
+
+              THE CONTINENCE OF KING FRANCIS THE FIRST
+
+Every one knows through what adventure King Francis, the first of that
+name, was taken like a silly bird and led into the town of Madrid, in
+Spain. There the Emperor Charles V. kept him carefully locked up, like
+an article of great value, in one of his castles, in the which our
+defunct sire, of immortal memory, soon became listless and weary,
+seeing that he loved the open air, and his little comforts, and no
+more understood being shut up in a cage than a cat would folding up
+lace. He fell into moods of such strange melancholy that his letters
+having been read in full council, Madame d'Angouleme, his mother;
+Madame Catherine, the Dauphine, Monsieur de Montmorency, and those who
+were at the head of affairs in France knowing the great lechery of the
+king, determined after mature deliberation, to send Queen Marguerite
+to him, from whom he would doubtless receive alleviation of his
+sufferings, that good lady being much loved by him, and merry, and
+learned in all necessary wisdom. But she, alleging that it would be
+dangerous for her soul, because it was impossible for her, without
+great danger to be alone with the king in his cell, a sharp secretary,
+the Sieur de Fizes, was sent to the Court of Rome, with orders to beg
+of the pontiff a papal brief of special indulgences, containing proper
+absolutions for the petty sins which, looking at their consanguinity,
+the said queen might commit with a view to cure the king's melancholy.
+
+At this time, Adrian VI., the Dutchman, still wore the tiara, who, a
+good fellow, for the rest did not forget, in spite of the scholastic
+ties which united him to the emperor, that the eldest son of the
+Catholic Church was concerned in the affair, and was good enough to
+send to Spain an express legate, furnished with full powers, to
+attempt the salvation of the queen's soul, and the king's body,
+without prejudice to God. This most urgent affair made the gentleman
+very uneasy, and caused an itching in the feet of the ladies, who,
+from great devotion to the crown, would all have offered to go to
+Madrid, but for the dark mistrust of Charles the Fifth, who would not
+grant the king's permission to any of his subjects, nor even the
+members of his family. It was therefore necessary to negotiate the
+departure of the Queen of Navarre. Then, nothing else was spoken about
+but this deplorable abstinence, and the lack of amorous exercise so
+vexatious to a prince, who was much accustomed to it. In short, from
+one thing to another, the women finished by thinking more of the
+king's condition, than of the king himself. The queen was the first to
+say that she wished she had wings. To this Monseigneur Odet de
+Chatillon replied, that she had no need of them to be an angel. One
+that was Madame l'Amirale, blamed God that it was not possible to send
+by a messenger that which the poor king so much required; and every
+one of the ladies would have lent it in her turn.
+
+"God has done very well to fix it," said the Dauphine, quietly; "for
+our husbands would leave us rather badly off during their absence."
+
+So much was said and so much thought upon the subject, that at her
+departure the Queen of all Marguerites was charged, by these good
+Christians, to kiss the captive heartily for all the ladies of the
+realm; and if it had been permissible to prepare pleasure like
+mustard, the queen would have been laden with enough to sell to the
+two Castiles.
+
+While Madame Marguerite was, in spite of the snow, crossing the
+mountains, by relays of mule, hurrying on to these consolations as to
+a fire, the king found himself harder pressed by unsatisfied desire
+than he had ever been before, or would be again. In this reverberation
+of nature, he opened his heart to the Emperor Charles, in order that
+he might be provided with a merciful specific, urging upon him that it
+would be an everlasting disgrace to one king to let another die for
+lack of gallantry. The Castilian showed himself to be a generous man.
+Thinking that he would be able to recuperate himself for the favour
+granted out of his guest's ransom, he hinted quietly to the people
+commissioned to guard the prisoner, that they might gratify him in
+this respect. Thereupon a certain Don Hiios de Lara y Lopez Barra di
+Pinto, a poor captain, whose pockets were empty in spite of his
+genealogy, and who had been for some time thinking of seeking his
+fortune at the Court of France, fancied that by procuring his majesty
+a soft cataplasm of warm flesh, he would open for himself an honestly
+fertile door; and indeed, those who know the character of the good
+king and his court, can decide if he deceived himself.
+
+When the above mentioned captain came in his turn into the chamber of
+the French king, he asked him respectfully if it was his good pleasure
+to permit him an interrogation on a subject concerning which he was as
+curious as about papal indulgences? To which the Prince, casting aside
+his hypochondriacal demeanour, and twisting round on the chair in
+which he was seated, gave a sign of consent. The captain begged him
+not to be offended at the licence of his language, and confessed to
+him, that he the king was said to be one of the most amorous men in
+France, and he would be glad to learn from him if the ladies of the
+court were expert in the adventures of love. The poor king, calling to
+mind his many adventures, gave vent to a deep-drawn sigh, and
+exclaimed, that no woman of any country, including those of the moon,
+knew better than the ladies of France the secrets of this alchemy and
+at the remembrance of the savoury, gracious, and vigorous fondling of
+one alone, he felt himself the man, were she then within his reach, to
+clasp her to his heart, even on a rotten plank a hundred feet above a
+precipice.
+
+Say which, this good king, a ribald fellow, if ever there was one,
+shot forth so fiercely life and light from his eyes, that the captain,
+though a brave man, felt a quaking in his inside so fiercely flamed
+the sacred majesty of royal love. But recovering his courage he began
+to defend the Spanish ladies, declaring that in Castile alone was love
+properly understood, because it was the most religious place in
+Christendom, and the more fear the women had of damning themselves by
+yielding to a lover, the more their souls were in the affair, because
+they knew they must take their pleasure then against eternity. He
+further added, that if the Lord King would wager one of the best and
+most profitable manors in the kingdom of France, he would give him a
+Spanish night of love, in which a casual queen should, unless he took
+care, draw his soul from his body.
+
+"Done," said the king, jumping from his chair. "I'll give thee, by
+God, the manor of Ville-aux-Dames in my province of Touraine, with
+full privilege of chase, of high and low jurisdiction."
+
+Then, the captain, who was acquainted with the Donna of the Cardinal
+Archbishop of Toledo requested her to smother the King of France with
+kindness, and demonstrate to him the great advantage of the Castilian
+imagination over the simple movement of the French. To which the
+Marchesa of Amaesguy consented for the honour of Spain, and also for
+the pleasure of knowing of what paste God made Kings, a matter in
+which she was ignorant, having experience only of the princes of the
+Church. Then she became passionate as a lion that has broken out of
+his cage, and made the bones of the king crack in a manner that would
+have killed any other man. But the above-named lord was so well
+furnished, so greedy, and so will bitten, he no longer felt a bite;
+and from this terrible duel the Marchesa emerged abashed, believing
+she had the devil to confess.
+
+The captain, confident in his agent, came to salute his lord, thinking
+to do honour for his fief. Thereupon the king said to him, in a
+jocular manner, that the Spanish ladies were of a passable
+temperature, and their system a fair one, but that when gentleness was
+required they substituted frenzy; that he kept fancying each thrill
+was a sneeze, or a case of violence; in short, that the embrace of a
+French woman brought back the drinker more thirsty than ever, tiring
+him never; and that with the ladies of his court, love was a gentle
+pleasure without parallel, and not the labour of a master baker in his
+kneading trough.
+
+The poor captain was strongly piqued at his language. In spite of the
+nice sense of honour which the king pretended to possess, he fancied
+that his majesty wished to bilk him like a student, stealing a slice
+of love at a brothel in Paris. Nevertheless, not knowing for the
+matter of that, if the Marchesa had not over-spanished the king, he
+demanded his revenge from the captive, pledging him his word, that he
+should have for certain a veritable fay, and that he would yet gain
+the fief. The king was too courteous and gallant a knight to refuse
+this request, and even made a pretty and right royal speech,
+intimating his desire to lose the wager. Then, after vespers, the
+guard passed fresh and warm into the king's chamber, a lady most
+dazzlingly white--most delicately wanton, with long tresses and velvet
+hands, filling out her dress at the least movement, for she was
+gracefully plump, with a laughing mouth, and eyes moist in advance, a
+woman to beautify hell, and whose first word had such cordial power
+that the king's garment was cracked by it. On the morrow, after the
+fair one had slipped out after the king's breakfast, the good captain
+came radiant and triumphant into the chamber.
+
+At sight of him the prisoner then exclaimed--
+
+"Baron de la Ville-aux-Dames! God grant you joys like to mine! I like
+my jail! By'r lady, I will not judge between the love of our lands,
+but pay the wager."
+
+"I was sure of it," said the captain.
+
+"How so?" said the King.
+
+"Sire, it was my wife."
+
+This was the origin of Larray de la Ville-aux-Dames in our country,
+since from corruption of the names, that of Lara-y-Lopez, finished by
+becoming Larray. It was a good family, delighting in serving the kings
+of France, and it multiplied exceedingly. Soon after, the Queen of
+Navarre came in due course to the king, who, weary of Spanish customs,
+wished to disport himself after the fashion of France; but remainder
+is not the subject of this narrative. I reserve to myself the right to
+relate elsewhere how the legate managed to sponge the sin of the thing
+off the great slate, and the delicate remark of our Queen of
+Marguerites, who merits a saint's niche in this collection; she who
+first concocted such good stories. The morality of this one is easy to
+understand.
+
+In the first place, kings should never let themselves be taken in
+battle any more than their archetype in the game of the Grecian chief
+Palamedes. But from this, it appears the captivity of its king is a
+most calamitous and horrible evil to fall on the populace. If it had
+been a queen, or even a princess, what worse fate? But I believe the
+thing could not happen again, except with cannibals. Can there ever be
+a reason for imprisoning the flower of a realm? I think too well of
+Ashtaroth, Lucifer, and others, to imagine that did they reign, they
+would hide the joy of all the beneficent light, at which poor
+sufferers warm themselves. And it was necessary that the worst of
+devils, _id est_, a wicked old heretic woman, should find herself upon
+a throne, to keep a prisoner sweet Mary of Scotland, to the shame of
+all the knights of Christendom, who should have come without previous
+assignation to the foot of Fotheringay, and have left thereof no
+single stone.
+
+
+
+               THE MERRY TATTLE OF THE NUNS OF POISSY
+
+The Abbey of Poissy has been rendered famous by old authors as a place
+of pleasure, where the misconduct of the nuns first began, and whence
+proceeded so many good stories calculated to make laymen laugh at the
+expense of our holy religion. The said abbey by this means became
+fertile in proverbs, which none of the clever folks of our day
+understand, although they sift and chew them in order to digest them.
+
+If you ask one of them what the _olives of Poissy_ are, they will
+answer you gravely that it is a periphrase relating to truffles, and
+that the _way to serve them_, of which one formerly spoke, when joking
+with these virtuous maidens, meant a peculiar kind of sauce. That's
+the way the scribblers hit on truth once in a hundred times. To return
+to these good recluses, it was said--by way of a joke, of course--that
+they preferred finding a harlot in their chemises to a good woman.
+Certain other jokers reproached them with imitating the lives of the
+saints, in their own fashion, and said that all they admired in Mary
+of Egypt was her fashion of paying the boatmen. From whence the
+raillery: To honour the saints after the fashion of Poissy. There is
+still the crucifix of Poissy, which kept the stomachs warm; and the
+matins of Poissy, which concluded with a little chorister. Finally, of
+a hearty jade well acquainted with the ways of love, it was said--She
+is a nun of Poissy. That property of a man which he can only lend, was
+The key of the Abbey of Poissy. What the gate of the said abbey was
+can easily be guessed. This gate, door, wicket, opening, or road was
+always half open, was easier to open than to shut, and cost much in
+repairs. In short, at that period, there was no fresh device in love
+invented, that had not its origin in the good convent of Poissy. You
+may be sure there is a good deal of untruth and hyperbolical emphasis,
+in these proverbs, jests, jokes, and idle tales. The nuns of the said
+Poissy were good young ladies, who now this way, now that, cheated God
+to the profit of the devil, as many others did, which was but natural,
+because our nature is weak; and although they were nuns, they had
+their little imperfections. They found themselves barren in a certain
+particular, hence the evil. But the truth of the matter is, all these
+wickednesses were the deeds of an abbess who had fourteen children,
+all born alive, since they had been perfected at leisure. The
+fantastic amours and the wild conduct of this woman, who was of royal
+blood, caused the convent of Poissy to become fashionable; and
+thereafter no pleasant adventure happened in the abbeys of France
+which was not credited to these poor girls, who would have been well
+satisfied with a tenth of them. Then the abbey was reformed, and these
+holy sisters were deprived of the little happiness and liberty which
+they had enjoyed. In an old cartulary of the abbey of Turpenay, near
+Chinon, which in those later troublous times had found a resting place
+in the library of Azay, where the custodian was only too glad to
+receive it, I met with a fragment under the head of The Hours of
+Poissy, which had evidently been put together by a merry abbot of
+Turpenay for the diversion of his neighbours of Usee, Azay, Mongaugar,
+Sacchez, and other places of this province. I give them under the
+authority of the clerical garb, but altered to my own style, because I
+have been compelled to turn them from Latin into French. I commence:
+--At Poissy the nuns were accustomed to, when Mademoiselle, the king's
+daughter, their abbess, had gone to bed..... It was she who first
+called it _faire la petite oie_, to stick to the preliminaries of
+love, the prologues, prefaces, protocols, warnings, notices,
+introductions, summaries, prospectuses, arguments, notices, epigraphs,
+titles, false-titles, current titles, scholia, marginal remarks,
+frontispieces, observations, gilt edges, bookmarks, reglets,
+vignettes, tail pieces, and engravings, without once opening the merry
+book to read, re-read, and study to apprehend and comprehend the
+contents. And she gathered together in a body all those extra-judicial
+little pleasures of that sweet language, which come indeed from the
+lips, yet make no noise, and practised them so well, that she died a
+virgin and perfect in shape. The gay science was after deeply studied
+by the ladies of the court, who took lovers for _la petite oie_,
+others for honour, and at times also certain ones who had over them
+the right of high and low jurisdiction, and were masters of everything
+--a state of things much preferred. But to continue: When this
+virtuous princess was naked and shameless between the sheets, the said
+girls (those whose cheeks were unwrinkled and their hearts gay) would
+steal noiselessly out of their cells, and hide themselves in that of
+one of the sisters who was much liked by all of them. There they would
+have cosy little chats, enlivened with sweetmeats, pasties, liqueurs,
+and girlish quarrels, worry their elders, imitating them grotesquely,
+innocently mocking them, telling stories that made them laugh till the
+tears came and playing a thousand pranks. At times they would measure
+their feet, to see whose were the smallest, compare the white
+plumpness of their arms, see whose nose had the infirmity of blushing
+after supper, count their freckles, tell each other where their skin
+marks were situated, dispute whose complexion was the clearest, whose
+hair the prettiest colour, and whose figure the best. You can imagine
+that among these figures sanctified to God there were fine ones, stout
+ones, lank ones, thin ones, plump ones, supple ones, shrunken ones,
+and figures of all kinds. Then they would quarrel amongst themselves
+as to who took the least to make a girdle, and she who spanned the
+least was pleased without knowing why. At times they would relate
+their dreams and what they had seen in them. Often one or two, at
+times all of them, had dreamed they had tight hold of the keys of the
+abbey. Then they would consult each other about their little ailments.
+One had scratched her finger, another had a whitlow; this one had
+risen in the morning with the white of her eye bloodshot; that one had
+put her finger out, telling her beads. All had some little thing the
+matter with them.
+
+"Ah! you have lied to our mother; your nails are marked with white,"
+said one to her neighbour.
+
+"You stopped a long time at confession this morning, sister," said
+another. "You must have a good many little sins to confess."
+
+As there is nothing resembles a pussy-cat so much as a tom-cat, they
+would swear eternal friendship, quarrel, sulk, dispute and make it up
+again; would be jealous, laugh and pinch, pinch and laugh, and play
+tricks upon the novices.
+
+At times they would say, "Suppose a gendarme came here one rainy day,
+where should we put him?"
+
+"With Sister Ovide; her cell is so big he could get into it with his
+helmet on."
+
+"What do you mean?" cried Sister Ovide, "are not all our cells alike?"
+
+Thereupon the girls burst out laughing like ripe figs. One evening
+they increased their council by a little novice, about seventeen years
+of age, who appeared innocent as a new-born babe, and would have had
+the host without confession. This maiden's mouth had long watered for
+their secret confabulations, little feasts and rejoicings by which the
+nuns softened the holy captivity of their bodies, and had wept at not
+being admitted to them.
+
+"Well," said Sister Ovide to her, "have you had a good night's rest,
+little one?"
+
+"Oh no!" said she, "I have been bitten by fleas."
+
+"Ha! you have fleas in your cell? But you must get rid of them at
+once. Do you know how the rules of our order enjoin them to be driven
+out, so that never again during her conventional life shall a sister
+see so much as the tail of one?"
+
+"No," replied the novice.
+
+"Well then, I will teach you. Do you see any fleas here? Do you notice
+any trace of fleas? Do you smell an odour of fleas? Is there any
+appearance of fleas in my cell? Look!"
+
+"I can't find any," said the little novice, who was Mademoiselle de
+Fiennes, "and smell no odour other than our own."
+
+"Do as I am about to tell you, and be no more bitten. Directly you
+feel yourself pricked, you must strip yourself, lift your chemise, and
+be careful not to sin while looking all over your body; think only of
+the cursed flea, looking for it, in good faith, without paying
+attention to other things; trying only to catch the flea, which is a
+difficult job, as you may easily be deceived by the little black spots
+on your skin, which you were born with. Have you any, little one?"
+
+"Yes," cried she. "I have two dark freckles, one on my shoulder and
+one on my back, rather low down, but it is hidden in a fold of the
+flesh."
+
+"How did you see it?" asked Sister Perpetue.
+
+"I did not know it. It was Monsieur de Montresor who found it out."
+
+"Ha, ha!" said the sister, "is that all he saw?"
+
+"He saw everything," said she, "I was quite little; he was about nine
+years old, and we were playing together...."
+
+The nuns hardly being able to restrain their laughter, Sister Ovide
+went on--
+
+"The above-mentioned flea will jump from your legs to your eyes, will
+try and hide himself in apertures and crevices, will leap from valley
+to mountain, endeavouring to escape you; but the rules of the house
+order you courageously to pursue, repeating aves. Ordinarily at the
+third ave the beast is taken."
+
+"The flea?" asked the novice.
+
+"Certainly the flea," replied Sister Ovide; "but in order to avoid the
+dangers of this chase, you must be careful in whatever spot you put
+your finger on the beast, to touch nothing else.... Then without
+regarding its cries, plaints, groans, efforts, and writhings, and the
+rebellion which frequently it attempts, you will press it under your
+thumb or other finger of the hand engaged in holding it, and with the
+other hand you will search for a veil to bind the flea's eyes and
+prevent it from leaping, as the beast seeing no longer clearly will
+not know where to go. Nevertheless, as it will still be able to bite
+you, and will be getting terribly enraged, you must gently open its
+mouth and delicately insert therein a twig of the blessed brush that
+hangs over your pillow. Thus the beast will be compelled to behave
+properly. But remember that the discipline of our order allows you to
+retain no property, and the beast cannot belong to you. You must take
+into consideration that it is one of God's creatures, and strive to
+render it more agreeable. Therefore, before all things, it is
+necessary to verify three serious things--viz.: If the flea be a male,
+if it be female, or if it be a virgin; supposing it to be a virgin,
+which is extremely rare, since these beasts have no morals, are all
+wild hussies, and yield to the first seducer who comes, you will seize
+her hinder feet, and drawing them under her little caparison, you must
+bind them with one of your hairs, and carry it to your superior, who
+will decide upon its fate after having consulted the chapter. If it be
+a male--"
+
+"How can one tell that a flea is a virgin? asked the curious novice.
+
+"First of all," replied Sister Ovide, "she is sad and melancholy, does
+not laugh like the others, does not bite so sharp, has her mouth less
+wide open, blushes when touched--you know where."
+
+"In that case," replied the novice, "I have been bitten by a male."
+
+At this the sisters burst out laughing so heartily that one of them
+sounded a bass note and voided a little water and Sister Ovide
+pointing to it on the floor, said--
+
+"You see there's never wind without rain."
+
+The novice laughed herself, thinking that these chuckles were caused
+by the sister's exclamation.
+
+"Now," went on Sister Ovide, "if it be a male flea, you take your
+scissors, or your lover's dagger, if by chance he has given you one as
+a souvenir, previous to your entry into the convent. In short,
+furnished with a cutting instrument, you carefully slit open the
+flanks of the flea. Expect to hear him howl, cough, spit, beg your
+pardon; to see him twist about, sweat, make sheep's eyes, and anything
+that may come into his head to put off this operation. But be not
+astonished; pluck up your courage when thinking that you are acting
+thus to bring a perverted creature into the ways of salvation. Then
+you will dextrously take the reins, the liver, the heart, the gizzard,
+and noble parts, and dip them all several times into the holy water,
+washing and purifying them there, at the same time imploring the Holy
+Ghost to sanctify the interior of the beast. Afterwards you will
+replace all these intestinal things in the body of the flea, who will
+be anxious to get them back again. Being by this means baptised, the
+soul of the creature has become Catholic. Immediately you will get a
+needle and thread and sew up the belly of the flea with great care,
+with such regard and attention as is due to a fellow Christian; you
+will even pray for it--a kindness to which you will see it is sensible
+by its genuflections and the attentive glances which it will bestow
+upon you. In short, it will cry no more, and have no further desire to
+kill you; and fleas are often encountered who die from pleasure at
+being thus converted to our holy religion. You will do the same to all
+you catch; and the others perceiving it, after staring at the convert,
+will go away, so perverse are they, and so terrified at the idea of
+becoming Christians."
+
+"And they are therefore wicked," said the novice. "Is there any
+greater happiness than to be in the bosom of the Church?"
+
+"Certainly!" answered sister Ursula, "here we are sheltered from the
+dangers of the world and of love, in which there are so many."
+
+"Is there any other danger than that of having a child at an
+unseasonable time?" asked a young sister.
+
+"During the present reign," replied Ursula, raising her head, "love
+has inherited leprosy, St Anthony's fire, the Ardennes' sickness, and
+the red rash, and has heaped up all the fevers, agonies, drugs and
+sufferings of the lot in his pretty mortar, to draw out therefrom a
+terrible compound, of which the devil has given the receipt, luckily
+for convents, because there are a great number of frightened ladies,
+who become virtuous for fear of this love."
+
+Thereupon they huddled up close together, alarmed at these words, but
+wishing to know more.
+
+"And is it enough to love, to suffer?" asked a sister.
+
+"Oh, yes!" cried Sister Ovide.
+
+"You love just for one little once a pretty gentleman," replied
+Ursula, "and you have the chance of seeing your teeth go one by one,
+your hair fall off, your cheeks grow pallid, and your eyebrows drop,
+and the disappearance of your prized charms will cost you many a sigh.
+There are poor women who have scabs come upon their noses, and others
+who have a horrid animal with a hundred claws, which gnaws their
+tenderest parts. The Pope has at last been compelled to excommunicate
+this kind of love."
+
+"Ah! how lucky I am to have had nothing of that sort," cried the
+novice.
+
+Hearing this souvenir of love, the sisters suspected that the little
+one had gone astray through the heat of a crucifix of Poissy, and had
+been joking with the Sister Ovide, and drawing her out. All
+congratulated themselves on having so merry a jade in their company,
+and asked her to what adventure they were indebted for that pleasure.
+
+"Ah!" said she, "I let myself be bitten by a big flea, who had already
+been baptised."
+
+At this speech, the sister of the bass note could not restrain a
+second sign.
+
+"Ah!" said Sister Ovide, "you are bound to give us the third. If you
+spoke that language in the choir, the abbess would diet you like
+Sister Petronille; so put a sordine in your trumpet."
+
+"Is it true that you knew in her lifetime that Sister Petronille on
+whom God bestowed the gift of only going twice a year to the bank of
+deposit?" asked Sister Ursula.
+
+"Yes," replied Ovide. "And one evening it happened she had to remain
+enthroned until matins, saying, 'I am here by the will of God.' But at
+the first verse, she was delivered, in order that she should not miss
+the office. Nevertheless, the late abbess would not allow that this
+was an especial favour, granted from on high, and said that God did
+not look so low. Here are the facts of the case. Our defunct sister,
+whose canonisation the order are now endeavouring to obtain at the
+court of the Pope, and would have had it if they could have paid the
+proper costs of the papal brief; this Petronille, then, had an
+ambition to have her name included in the Calendar of Saints, which
+was in no way prejudicial to our order. She lived in prayer alone,
+would remain in ecstasy before the altar of the virgin, which is on
+the side of the fields, and pretend so distinctly to hear the angels
+flying in Paradise, that she was able to hum the tunes they were
+singing. You all know that she took from them the chant Adoremus, of
+which no man could have invented a note. She remained for days with
+her eyes fixed like the star, fasting, and putting no more nourishment
+into her body that I could into my eye. She had made a vow never to
+taste meat, either cooked or raw, and ate only a crust of bread a day;
+but on great feast days she would add thereto a morsel of salt fish,
+without any sauce. On this diet she became dreadfully thin, yellow and
+saffron, and dry as an old bone in a cemetery; for she was of an
+ardent disposition, and anyone who had had the happiness of knocking
+up against her, would have drawn fire as from a flint. However, little
+as she ate, she could not escape an infirmity to which, luckily or
+unluckily, we are all more or less subject. If it were otherwise, we
+should be very much embarrassed. The affair in question, is the
+obligation of expelling after eating, like all the other animals,
+matter more or less agreeable, according to constitution. Now Sister
+Petronille differed from all others, because she expelled matter such
+as is left by a deer, and these are the hardest substances that any
+gizzard produces, as you must know, if you have ever put your foot
+upon them in the forest glade, and from their hardness they are called
+bullets in the language of forestry. This peculiarity of Sister
+Petronille's was not unnatural, since long fasts kept her temperament
+at a permanent heat. According to the old sisters, her nature was so
+burning, that when water touched her, she went frist! like a hot coal.
+There are sisters who have accused her of secretly cooking eggs, in
+the night, between her toes, in order to support her austerities. But
+these were scandals, invented to tarnish this great sanctity of which
+all the other nunneries were jealous. Our sister was piloted in the
+way of salvation and divine perfection by the Abbot of St.
+Germaine-des-Pres de Paris--a holy man, who always finished his
+Injunctions with a last one, which was to offer to God all our
+troubles, and submit ourselves to His will, since nothing happened
+without His express commandment. This doctrine, which appears wise at
+first sight, has furnished matter for great controversies, and has
+been finally condemned on the statement of the Cardinal of Chatillon,
+who declared that then there would be no such thing as sin, which
+would considerably diminish the revenues of the Church. But Sister
+Petronille lived imbued with this feeling, without knowing the danger
+of it. After Lent, and the fasts of the great jubilee, for the first
+time for eight months she had need to go to the little room, and to it
+she went. There, bravely lifting her dress, she put herself into a
+position to do that which we poor sinners do rather oftener. But
+Sister Petronille could only manage to expectorate the commencement of
+the thing, which kept her puffing without the remainder making up its
+mind to follow. In spite of every effort, pursing of the lips and
+squeezing of body, her guest preferred to remain in her blessed body,
+merely putting his head out of the window, like a frog taking the air,
+and felt no inclination to fall into the vale of misery among the
+others, alleging that he would not be there in the odour of sanctity.
+And his idea was a good one for a simple lump of dirt like himself.
+The good saint having used all methods of coercion, having
+overstretched her muscles, and tried the nerves of her thin face till
+they bulged out, recognised the fact that no suffering in the world
+was so great, and her anguish attaining the apogee of sphincterial
+terrors, she exclaimed, 'Oh! my God, to Thee I offer it!' At this
+orison, the stoney matter broke off short, and fell like a flint
+against the wall of the privy, making a croc, croc, crooc, paf! You
+can easily understand, my sisters, that she had no need of a
+torch-cul, and drew back the remainder."
+
+"Then did she see angels?" asked one.
+
+"Have they a behind?" asked another.
+
+"Certainly not," said Ursula. "Do you not know that one general
+meeting day, God having ordered them to be seated, they answered Him
+that they had not the wherewithal."
+
+Thereupon they went off to bed, some alone, others nearly alone. They
+were good girls, who harmed only themselves.
+
+I cannot leave them without relating an adventure which took place in
+their house, when Reform was passing a sponge over it, and making them
+all saints, as before stated. At that time, there was in the episcopal
+chair of Paris a veritable saint, who did not brag about what he did,
+and cared for naught but the poor and suffering, whom the dear old
+Bishop lodged in his heart, neglecting his own interests for theirs,
+and seeking out misery in order that he might heal it with words, with
+help, with attentions, and with money, according to the case: as ready
+to solace the rich in their misfortunes as the poor, patching up their
+souls and bringing them back to God; and tearing about hither and
+thither, watching his troop, the dear shepherd! Now the good man went
+about careless of the state of his cassocks, mantles, and breeches, so
+that the naked members of the church were covered. He was so
+charitable that he would have pawned himself to save an infidel from
+distress. His servants were obliged to look after him carefully.
+Ofttimes he would scold them when they changed unasked his tattered
+vestments for new; and he used to have them darned and patched, as
+long as they would hold together. Now this good archbishop knew that
+the late Sieur de Poissy had left a daughter, without a sou or a rag,
+after having eaten, drunk, and gambled away her inheritance. This poor
+young lady lived in a hovel, without fire in winter or cherries in
+spring; and did needlework, not wishing either to marry beneath her or
+sell her virtue. Awaiting the time when he should be able to find a
+young husband for her, the prelate took it into his head to send her
+the outside case of one to mend, in the person of his old breeches, a
+task which the young lady, in her present position, would be glad to
+undertake. One day that the archbishop was thinking to himself that he
+must go to the convent of Poissy, to see after the reformed inmates,
+he gave to one of his servants, the oldest of his nether garments,
+which was sorely in need of stitches, saying, "Take this, Saintot, to
+the young ladies of Poissy," meaning to say, "the young lady of
+Poissy." Thinking of affairs connected with the cloister, he did not
+inform his varlet of the situation of the lady's house; her desperate
+condition having been by him discreetly kept a secret. Saintot took
+the breeches and went his way towards Poissy, gay as a grasshopper,
+stopping to chat with friends he met on the way, slaking his thirst at
+the wayside inns, and showing many things to the breeches during the
+journey that might hereafter be useful to them. At last he arrived at
+the convent, and informed the abbess that his master had sent him to
+give her these articles. When the varlet departed, leaving with the
+reverend mother, the garment accustomed to model in relief the
+archiepiscopal proportions of the continent nature of the good man,
+according to the fashion of the period, beside the image of those
+things of which the Eternal Father had deprived His angels, and which
+in the good prelate did not want for amplitude. Madame the abbess
+having informed the sisters of the precious message of the good
+archbishop they came in haste, curious and hustling, as ants into
+whose republic a chestnut husk has fallen. When they undid the
+breeches, which gaped horribly, they shrieked out, covering their eyes
+with one hand, in great fear of seeing the devil come out, the abbess
+exclaiming, "Hide yourselves my daughters! This is the abode of mortal
+sin!"
+
+The mother of the novices, giving a little look between her fingers,
+revived the courage of the holy troop, swearing by an Ave that no
+living head was domiciled in the breeches. Then they all blushed at
+their ease, while examining this habitavit, thinking that perhaps the
+desire of the prelate was that they should discover therein some sage
+admonition or evangelical parable. Although this sight caused certain
+ravages in the hearts of those most virtuous maidens, they paid little
+attention to the flutterings of their reins, but sprinkling a little
+holy water in the bottom of the abyss, one touched it, another passed
+her finger through a hole, and grew bolder looking at it. It has even
+been pretended that, their first stir over, the abbess found a voice
+sufficiently firm to say, "What is there at the bottom of this? With
+what idea has our father sent us that which consummates the ruin of
+women?"
+
+"It's fifteen years, dear mother, since I have been permitted to gaze
+upon the demon's den."
+
+"Silence, my daughter. You prevent me thinking what is best to be
+done."
+
+Then so much were these archiepiscopal breeches turned and twisted
+about, admired and re-admired, pulled here, pulled there, and turned
+inside out--so much were they talked about, fought about, thought
+about, dreamed about, night and day, that on the morrow a little
+sister said, after having sung the matins, to which the convent had a
+verse and two responses--"Sisters, I have found out the parable of the
+archbishop. He has sent us as a mortification his garment to mend, as
+a holy warning to avoid idleness, the mother abbess of all the vices."
+
+Thereupon there was a scramble to get hold of the breeches; but the
+abbess, using her high authority, reserved to herself the meditation
+over this patchwork. She was occupied during ten days, praying, and
+sewing the said breeches, lining them with silk, and making double
+hems, well sewn, and in all humility. Then the chapter being
+assembled, it was arranged that the convent should testify by a pretty
+souvenir to the said archbishop their delight that he thought of his
+daughters in God. Then all of them, to the very youngest, had to do
+some work on these blessed breeches, in order to do honour to the
+virtue of the good man.
+
+Meanwhile the prelate had had so much to attend to, that he had
+forgotten all about his garment. This is how it came about. He made
+the acquaintance of a noble of the court, who, having lost his wife--a
+she-fiend and sterile--said to the good priest, that he had a great
+ambition to meet with a virtuous woman, confiding in God, with whom he
+was not likely to quarrel, and was likely to have pretty children.
+Such a one he desired to hold by the hand, and have confidence in.
+Then the holy man drew such a picture of Mademoiselle de Poissy, that
+this fair one soon became Madame de Genoilhac. The wedding was
+celebrated at the archiepiscopal palace, where was a feast of the
+first quality and a table bordered with ladies of the highest lineage,
+and the fashionable world of the court, among whom the bride appeared
+the most beautiful, since it has certain that she was a virgin, the
+archbishop guaranteeing her virtue.
+
+When the fruit, conserves, and pastry were with many ornaments
+arranged on the cloth, Saintot said to the archbishop, "Monseigneur,
+your well-beloved daughters of Poissy send you a fine dish for the
+centre."
+
+"Put it there," said the good man, gazing with admiration at an
+edifice of velvet and satin, embroidered with fine ribbon, in the
+shape of an ancient vase, the lid of which exhaled a thousand
+superfine odours.
+
+Immediately the bride, uncovering it, found therein sweetmeats, cakes,
+and those delicious confections to which the ladies are so partial.
+But of one of them--some curious devotee--seeing a little piece of
+silk, pulled it towards her, and exposed to view the habitation of the
+human compass, to the great confusion of the prelate, for laughter
+rang round the table like a discharge of artillery.
+
+"Well have they made the centre dish," said the bridegroom. "These
+young ladies are of good understanding. Therein are all the sweets of
+matrimony."
+
+Can there be any better moral than that deduced by Monsieur de
+Genoilhac? Then no other is needed.
+
+
+
+              HOW THE CHATEAU D'AZAY CAME TO BE BUILT
+
+Jehan, son of Simon Fourniez, called Simonnin, a citizen of Tours
+--originally of the village of Moulinot, near to Beaune, whence, in
+imitation of certain persons, he took the name when he became steward
+to Louis the Eleventh--had to fly one day into Languedoc with his
+wife, having fallen into great disgrace, and left his son Jacques
+penniless in Touraine. This youth, who possessed nothing in the world
+except his good looks, his sword, and spurs, but whom worn-out old men
+would have considered very well off, had in his head a firm intention
+to save his father, and make his fortune at the court, then holden in
+Touraine. At early dawn this good Tourainian left his lodging, and,
+enveloped in his mantle, all except his nose, which he left open to
+the air, and his stomach empty, walked about the town without any
+trouble of digestion. He entered the churches, thought them beautiful,
+looked into the chapels, flicked the flies from the pictures, and
+counted the columns all after the manner of a man who knew not what to
+do with his time or his money. At other times he feigned to recite his
+paternosters, but really made mute prayers to the ladies, offered them
+holy water when leaving, followed them afar off, and endeavoured by
+these little services to encounter some adventure, in which at the
+peril of his life he would find for himself a protector or a gracious
+mistress. He had in his girdle two doubloons which he spared far more
+than his skin, because that would be replaced, but the doubloons
+never. Each day he took from his little hoard the price of a roll and
+a few apples, with which he sustained life, and drank at his will and
+his discretion of the water of the Loire. This wholesome and prudent
+diet, besides being good for his doubloons, kept him frisky and light
+as a greyhound, gave him a clear understanding and a warm heart for
+the water of the Loire is of all syrups the most strengthening,
+because having its course afar off it is invigorated by its long run,
+through many strands, before it reaches Tours. So you may be sure that
+the poor fellow imagined a thousand and one good fortunes and lucky
+adventures, and what is more, almost believed them true. Oh! The good
+times! One evening Jacques de Beaune (he kept the name although he was
+not lord of Beaune) was walking along the embankment, occupied in
+cursing his star and everything, for his last doubloon was with scant
+respect upon the point of quitting him; when at the corner of a little
+street, he nearly ran against a veiled lady, whose sweet odour
+gratified his amorous senses. This fair pedestrian was bravely mounted
+on pretty pattens, wore a beautiful dress of Italian velvet, with wide
+slashed satin sleeves; while as a sign of her great fortune, through
+her veil a white diamond of reasonable size shone upon her forehead
+like the rays of the setting sun, among her tresses, which were
+delicately rolled, built up, and so neat, that they must have taken
+her maids quite three hours to arrange. She walked like a lady who was
+only accustomed to a litter. One of her pages followed her, well
+armed. She was evidently some light o'love belonging to a noble of
+high rank or a lady of the court, since she held her dress high off
+the ground, and bent her back like a woman of quality. Lady or
+courtesan she pleased Jacques de Beaune, who, far from turning up his
+nose at her, conceived the wild idea of attaching himself to her for
+life. With this in view he determined to follow her in order to
+ascertain whither she would lead him--to Paradise or to the limbo of
+hell--to a gibbet or to an abode of love. Anything was a glean of hope
+to him in the depth of his misery. The lady strolled along the bank of
+the Loire towards Plessis inhaling like a fish the fine freshness of
+the water, toying, sauntering like a little mouse who wishes to see
+and taste everything. When the page perceived that Jacques de Beaune
+persistently followed his mistress in all her movements, stopped when
+she stopped, and watched her trifling in a bare-faced fashion, as if
+he had a right so to do, he turned briskly round with a savage and
+threatening face, like that of a dog whose says, "Stand back, sir!"
+But the good Tourainian had his wits about him. Believing that if a
+cat may look at king, he, a baptised Christian, might certainly look
+at a pretty woman, he stepped forward, and feigning to grin at the
+page, he strutted now behind and now before the lady. She said
+nothing, but looked at the sky, which was putting on its nightcap, the
+stars, and everything which could give her pleasure. So things went
+on. At last, arrived outside Portillon, she stood still, and in order
+to see better, cast her veil back over her shoulder, and in so doing
+cast upon the youth the glance of a clever woman who looks round to
+see if there is any danger of being robbed. I may tell you that
+Jacques de Beaune was a thorough ladies' man, could walk by the side
+of a princess without disgracing her, had a brave and resolute air
+which please the sex, and if he was a little browned by the sun from
+being so much in the open air, his skin would look white enough under
+the canopy of a bed. The glance, keen as a needle, which the lady
+threw him, appeared to him more animated than that with which she
+would have honoured her prayer-book. Upon it he built the hope of a
+windfall of love, and resolved to push the adventure to the very edge
+of the petticoat, risking to go still further, not only his lips,
+which he held of little count, but his two ears and something else
+besides. He followed into the town the lady, who returned by the Rue
+des Trois-Pucelles, and led the gallant through a labyrinth of little
+streets, to the square in which is at the present time situated the
+Hotel de la Crouzille. There she stopped at the door of a splendid
+mansion, at which the page knocked. A servant opened it, and the lady
+went in and closed the door, leaving the Sieur de Beaune open-mouthed,
+stupefied, and as foolish as Monseigneur St. Denis when he was trying
+to pick up his head. He raised his nose in the air to see if some
+token of favour would be thrown to him, and saw nothing except a light
+which went up the stairs, through the rooms, and rested before a fine
+window, where probably the lady was also. You can believe that the
+poor lover remained melancholy and dreaming, and not knowing what to
+do. The window gave a sudden creak and broke his reverie. Fancying
+that his lady was about to call him, he looked up again, and but for
+the friendly shelter of the balcony, which was a helmet to him, he
+would have received a stream of water and the utensil which contained
+it, since the handle only remained in the grasp of the person who
+delivered the deluge. Jacques de Beaune, delighted at this, did not
+lose the opportunity, but flung himself against the wall, crying "I am
+killed," with a feeble voice. Then stretching himself upon the
+fragments of broken china, he lay as if dead, awaiting the issue. The
+servants rushed out in a state of alarm, fearing their mistress, to
+whom they had confessed their fault, and picked up the wounded man,
+who could hardly restrain his laughter at being then carried up the
+stairs.
+
+"He is cold," said the page.
+
+"He is covered with blood," said the butler, who while feeling his
+pulse had wetted his hand.
+
+"If he revives," said the guilty one, "I will pay for a mass to St.
+Gatien."
+
+"Madame takes after her late father, and if she does not have thee
+hanged, the least mitigation of thy penalty will be that thou wilt be
+kicked out of her house and service," said another. "Certes, he's dead
+enough, he is so heavy."
+
+"Ah! I am in the house of a very great lady," thought Jacques.
+
+"Alas! is he really dead?" demanded the author of the calamity. While
+with great labour the Tourainian was being carried up the stairs, his
+doublet caught on a projection, and the dead man cried, "Ah, my
+doublet!"
+
+"He groans," said the culprit, with a sigh of relief. The Regent's
+servants (for this was the house of the Regent, the daughter of King
+Louis XI. of virtuous memory) brought Jacques de Beaune into a room,
+and laid him stiff and stark upon a table, not thinking for a moment
+that he could be saved.
+
+"Run and fetch a surgeon," cried Madame de Beaujeu. "Run here, run
+there!"
+
+The servants were down the stairs in a trice. The good lady Regent
+dispatched her attendants for ointment, for linen to bind the wounds,
+for goulard-water, for so many things, that she remained alone. Gazing
+upon this splendid and senseless man, she cried aloud, admiring his
+presence and his features, handsome even in death. "Ah! God wishes to
+punish me. Just for one little time in my life has there been born in
+me, and taken possession of me, a naughty idea, and my patron saint is
+angry, and deprives me of the sweetest gentleman I have ever seen. By
+the rood, and by the soul of my father, I will hang every man who has
+had a hand in this!"
+
+"Madame," cried Jacques de Beaune, springing from the table, and
+falling at the feet of the Regent, "I will live to serve you, and am
+so little bruised that that I promise you this night as many joys as
+there are months in the year, in imitation of the Sieur Hercules, a
+pagan baron. For the last twenty days," he went on (thinking that
+matters would be smoothed by a little lying), "I have met you again
+and again. I fell madly in love with you, yet dared not, by reason of
+my great respect for your person, make an advance. You can imagine how
+intoxicated I must have been with your royal beauties, to have
+invented the trick to which I owe the happiness of being at your
+feet."
+
+Thereupon he kissed her amorously, and gave her a look that would have
+overcome any scruples. The Regent, by means of time, which respects
+not queens, was, as everyone knows, in her middle age. In this
+critical and autumnal season, women formally virtuous and loveless
+desire now here, now there, to enjoy, unknown to the world, certain
+hours of love, in order that they may not arrive in the other world
+with hands and heart alike empty, through having left the fruit of the
+tree of knowledge untasted. The lady of Beaujeu, without appearing to
+be astonished while listening to the promises of this young man, since
+royal personages ought to be accustomed to having them by dozens, kept
+this ambitious speech in the depths of her memory or of her registry
+of love, which caught fire at his words. Then she raised the
+Tourainian, who still found in his misery the courage to smile at his
+mistress, who had the majesty of a full-blown rose, ears like shoes,
+and the complexion of a sick cat, but was so well-dressed, so fine in
+figure, so royal of foot, and so queenly in carriage, that he might
+still find in this affair means to gain his original object.
+
+"Who are you?" said the Regent, putting on the stern look of her
+father.
+
+"I am your very faithful subject, Jacques de Beaune, son of your
+steward, who has fallen into disgrace in spite of his faithful
+services."
+
+"Ah, well!" replied the lady, "lay yourself on the table again. I hear
+someone coming; and it is not fit that my people should think me your
+accomplice in this farce and mummery."
+
+The good fellow perceived, by the soft sound of her voice, that he was
+pardoned the enormity of his love. He lay down upon the table again,
+and remembered how certain lords had ridden to court in an old stirrup
+--a thought which perfectly reconciled him to his present position.
+
+"Good," said the Regent to her maid-servants, "nothing is needed. This
+gentleman is better; thanks to heaven and the Holy Virgin, there will
+have been no murder in my house."
+
+Thus saying, she passed her hand through the locks of the lover who
+had fallen to her from the skies, and taking a little reviving water
+she bathed his temples, undid his doublet, and under pretence of
+aiding his recovery, verified better than an expert how soft and young
+was the skin on this young fellow and bold promiser of bliss, and all
+the bystanders, men and women, were amazed to see the Regent act thus.
+But humanity never misbecomes those of royal blood. Jacques stood up,
+and appeared to come to his senses, thanked the Regent most humbly,
+and dismissed the physicians, master surgeons, and other imps in
+black, saying that he had thoroughly recovered. Then he gave his name,
+and saluting Madame de Beaujeu, wished to depart, as though afraid of
+her on account of his father's disgrace, but no doubt horrified at his
+terrible vow.
+
+"I cannot permit it," said she. "Persons who come to my house should
+not meet with such treatment as you have encountered. The Sieur de
+Beaune will sup here," she added to her major domo. "He who has so
+unduly insulted him will be at his mercy if he makes himself known
+immediately; otherwise, I will have him found out and hanged by the
+provost."
+
+Hearing this, the page who had attended the lady during her promenade
+stepped forward.
+
+"Madame," said Jacques, "at my request pray both pardon and reward
+him, since to him I owe the felicity of seeing you, the favour of
+supping in your company, and perhaps that of getting my father
+re-established in the office to which it pleased your glorious
+father to appoint him."
+
+"Well said," replied the Regent. "D'Estouteville," said she, turning
+towards the page, "I give thee command of a company of archers. But
+for the future do not throw things out of the window."
+
+Then she, delighted with de Beaune, offered him her hand, and led him
+most gallantly into her room, where they conversed freely together
+while supper was being prepared. There the Sieur Jacques did not fail
+to exhibit his talents, justify his father, and raise himself in the
+estimation of the lady, who, as is well known, was like a father in
+disposition, and did everything at random. Jacques de Beaune thought
+to himself that it would be rather difficult for him to remain all
+night with the Regent. Such matters are not so easily arranged as the
+amours of cats, who have always a convenient refuge upon the housetops
+for their moments of dalliance. So he rejoiced that he was known to
+the Regent without being compelled to fulfil his rash promise, since
+for this to be carried out it was necessary that the servants and
+others should be out of the way, and her reputation safe.
+Nevertheless, suspecting the powers of intrigue of the good lady, at
+times he would ask himself if he were equal to the task. But beneath
+the surface of conversation, the same thing was in the mind of the
+Regent, who had already managed affairs quite as difficult, and she
+began most cleverly to arrange the means. She sent for one of her
+secretaries, an adept in all arts necessary for the perfect government
+of a kingdom, and ordered him to give her secretly a false message
+during the supper. Then came the repast, which the lady did not touch,
+since her heart had swollen like a sponge, and so diminished her
+stomach, for she kept thinking of this handsome and desirable man,
+having no appetite save for him. Jacques did not fail to make a good
+meal for many reasons. The messenger came, madame began to storm, and
+to knit her brows after the manner of the late king, and to say, "Is
+there never to be peace in this land? Pasques Dieu! can we not have
+one quiet evening?" Then she rose and strode about the room. "Ho
+there! My horse! Where is Monsieur de Vieilleville, my squire? Ah, he
+is in Picardy. D'Estouteville, you will rejoin me with my household at
+the Chateau d'Amboise...." And looking at Jacques, she said, "You
+shall be my squire, Sieur de Beaune. You wish to serve the state. The
+occasion is a good one. Pasques Dieu! come! There are rebels to
+subdue, and faithful knights are needed."
+
+In less time than an old beggar would have taken to say thank you, the
+horses were bridled, saddled, and ready. Madame was on her mare, and
+the Tourainian at her side, galloping at full speed to her castle at
+Amboise, followed by the men-at-arms. To be brief and come to the
+facts without further commentary, the De Beaune was lodged not twenty
+yards from Madame, far from prying eyes. The courtiers and the
+household, much astonished, ran about inquiring from what quarter the
+danger might be expected; but our hero, taken at his word, knew well
+enough where to find it. The virtue of the Regent, well known in the
+kingdom, saved her from suspicion, since she was supposed to be as
+impregnable as the Chateau de Peronne. At curfew, when everything was
+shut, both ears and eyes, and the castle silent, Madame de Beaujeu
+sent away her handmaid, and called for her squire. The squire came.
+Then the lady and the adventurer sat side by side upon a velvet couch,
+in the shadow of a lofty fireplace, and the curious Regent, with a
+tender voice, asked of Jacques "Are you bruised? It was very wrong of
+me to make a knight, wounded by one on my servants, ride twelve miles.
+I was so anxious about it that I would not go to bed without having
+seen you. Do you suffer?"
+
+"I suffer with impatience," said he of the dozen, thinking it would
+not do to appear reluctant. "I see well," continued he, "my noble and
+beautiful mistress, that your servant has found favour in your sight."
+
+"There, there!" replied she; "did you not tell a story when you
+said--"
+
+"What?" said he.
+
+"Why, that you had followed me dozens of times to churches, and other
+places to which I went."
+
+"Certainly," said he.
+
+"I am astonished," replied the Regent, "never to have seen until today
+a noble youth whose courage is so apparent in his countenance. I am
+not ashamed of that which you heard me say when I believed you dead.
+You are agreeable to me, you please me, and you wish to do well."
+
+Then the hour of the dreaded sacrifice having struck, Jacques fell at
+the knees of the Regent, kissed her feet, her hands, and everything,
+it is said; and while kissing her, previous to retirement, proved by
+many arguments to the aged virtue of his sovereign, that a lady
+bearing the burden of the state had a perfect right to enjoy herself
+--a theory which was not directly admitted by the Regent, who
+determined to be forced, in order to throw the burden of this sin upon
+her lover. This notwithstanding, you may be sure that she had highly
+perfumed and elegantly attired herself for the night, and shone with
+desire for embraces, for desire lent her a high colour which greatly
+improved her complexion; and in spite of her feeble resistance she was,
+like a young girl, carried by assault in her royal couch, where the
+good lady and her young dozener, embraced each other. Then from play to
+quarrel, quarrel to riot, from riot to ribaldry, from thread to needle,
+the Regent declared that she believed more in the virginity of the Holy
+Mary than in the promised dozen. Now, by chance, Jacques de Beaune did
+not find this great lady so very old between the sheets, since
+everything is metamorphosed by the light of the lamps of the night.
+Many women of fifty by day are twenty at midnight, as others are
+twenty at mid-day and a hundred after vespers. Jacques, happier at
+this sight than at that of the King on a hanging day, renewed his
+undertaking. Madame, herself astonished, promised every assistance on
+her part. The manor of Azay-le-Brule, with a good title thereto, she
+undertook to confer upon her cavalier, as well as the pardon of his
+father, if from this encounter she came forth vanquished, then the
+clever fellows said to himself, "This is to save my father from
+punishment! this for the fief! this for the letting and selling! this
+for the forest of Azay! item for the right of fishing! another for the
+Isles of the Indre! this for the meadows! I may as well release from
+confiscation our land of La Carte, so dearly bought by my father! Once
+more for a place at court!" Arriving without hindrance at this point,
+he believed his dignity involved, and fancied that having France under
+him, it was a question of the honour of the crown. In short, at the
+cost of a vow which he made to his patron, Monsieur St. Jacques, to
+build him a chapel at Azay, he presented his liege homage to the
+Regent eleven clear, clean, limpid, and genuine periphrases.
+Concerning the epilogue of this slow conversation, the Tourainian had
+the great self-confidence to wish excellently to regale the Regent,
+keeping for her on her waking the salute of an honest man, as it was
+necessary for the lord of Azay to thank his sovereign, which was
+wisely thought. But when nature is oppressed, she acts like a spirited
+horse, lays down, and will die under the whip sooner than move until
+it pleases her to rise reinvigorated. Thus, when in the morning the
+seignior of the castle of Azay desired to salute the daughter of King
+Louis XI., he was constrained, in spite of his courtesy, to make the
+salute as royal salutes should be made--with blank cartridge only.
+Therefore the Regent, after getting up, and while she was breakfasting
+with Jacques, who called himself the legitimate Lord of Azay, seized
+the occasion of this insufficiency to contradict her esquire, and
+pretend, that as he had not gained his wager, he had not earned the
+manor.
+
+"Ventre-Saint-Paterne! I have been near enough," said Jacques. "But my
+dear lady and noble sovereign it is not proper for either you or me to
+judge in this cause. The case being an allodial case, must be brought
+before your council, since the fief of Azay is held from the crown."
+
+"Pasques dieu!" replied the Regent with a forced laugh. "I give you
+the place of the Sieur de Vieilleville in my house. Don't trouble
+about your father. I will give you Azay, and will place you in a royal
+office if you can, without injury to my honour, state the case in full
+council; but if one word falls to the damage of my reputation as a
+virtuous women, I--"
+
+"May I be hanged," said Jacques, turning the thing into a joke,
+because there was a shade of anger in the face of Madame de Beaujeu.
+
+In fact, the daughter of King Louis thought more of her royalty than
+of the roguish dozen, which she considered as nothing, since fancying
+she had had her night's amusement without loosening her purse-strings,
+she preferred the difficult recital of his claim to another dozen
+offered her by the Tourainian.
+
+"Then, my lady," replied her good companion, "I shall certainly be
+your squire."
+
+The captains, secretaries, and other persons holding office under the
+regency, astonished at the sudden departure of Madame de Beaujeu,
+learned the cause of her anxiety, and came in haste to the castle of
+Amboise to discover whence preceded the rebellion, and were in
+readiness to hold a council when her Majesty had arisen. She called
+them together, not to be suspected of having deceived them, and gave
+them certain falsehoods to consider, which they considered most
+wisely. At the close of the sitting, came the new squire to accompany
+his mistress. Seeing the councillors rising, the bold Tourainian
+begged them to decide a point of law which concerned both himself and
+the property of the Crown.
+
+"Listen to him," said the Regent. "He speaks truly."
+
+Then Jacques de Beaune, without being nervous at the sight of this
+august court, spoke as follows, or thereabouts:--"Noble Lords, I beg
+you, although I am about to speak to you of walnut shells, to give
+your attention to this case, and pardon me the trifling nature of my
+language. One lord was walking with another in a fruit garden, and
+noticed a fine walnut tree, well planted, well grown, worth looking
+at, worth keeping, although a little empty; a nut tree always fresh,
+sweet-smelling, the tree which you would not leave if you once saw it,
+a tree of love which seemed the tree of good and evil, forbidden by
+the Lord, through which were banished our mother Eve and the gentleman
+her husband. Now, my lords, this said walnut tree was the subject of a
+slight dispute between the two, and one of those many wagers which are
+occasionally made between friends. The younger boasted that he could
+throw twelve times through it a stick which he had in his hand at the
+time--as many people have who walk in a garden--and with each flight
+of the stick he would send a nut to the ground--"
+
+"That is, I believe the knotty point of the case," said Jacques
+turning towards the Regent.
+
+"Yes, gentlemen," replied she, surprised at the craft of her squire.
+
+"The other wagered to the contrary," went on the pleader. "Now the
+first named throws his stick with such precision of aim, so gently,
+and so well that both derived pleasure therefrom, and by the joyous
+protection of the saints, who no doubt were amused spectators, with
+each throw there fell a nut; in fact, there fell twelve. But by chance
+the last of the fallen nuts was empty, and had no nourishing pulp from
+which could have come another nut tree, had the gardener planted it.
+Has the man with the stick gained his wager? Judge."
+
+"The thing is clear enough," said Messire Adam Fumee, a Tourainian,
+who at that time was the keeper of the seals. "There is only one thing
+for the other to do."
+
+"What is that?" said the Regent.
+
+"To pay the wager, Madame."
+
+"He is rather too clever," said she, tapping her squire on the cheek.
+"He will be hanged one of these days."
+
+She meant it as a joke, but these words were the real horoscope of the
+steward, who mounted the gallows by the ladder of royal favour,
+through the vengeance of another old woman, and the notorious treason
+of a man of Ballan, his secretary, whose fortune he had made, and
+whose name was Prevost, and not Rene Gentil, as certain persons have
+wrongly called him. The Ganelon and bad servant gave, it is said, to
+Madame d'Angouleme, the receipt for the money which had been given him
+by Jacques de Beaune, then become Baron of Samblancay, lord of La
+Carte and Azay, and one of the foremost men in the state. Of his two
+sons, one was Archbishop of Tours the other Minister of Finance and
+Governor of Touraine. But this is not the subject of the present
+history.
+
+Now that which concerns the present narrative, is that Madame de
+Beaujeu, to whom the pleasure of love had come rather late in the day,
+well pleased with the great wisdom and knowledge of public affairs
+which her chance lover possessed, made him Lord of the Privy Purse, in
+which office he behaved so well, and added so much to the contents of
+it, that his great renown procured for him one day the handling of the
+revenues which he superintended and controlled most admirably, and
+with great profit to himself, which was but fair. The good Regent paid
+the bet, and handed over to her squire the manor of Azay-le-Brule, of
+which the castle had long before been demolished by the first
+bombardiers who came from Touraine, as everyone knows. For this
+powdery miracle, but for the intervention of the king, the said
+engineers would have been condemned as heretics and abettors of Satan,
+by the ecclesiastical tribune of the chapter.
+
+At this time there was being built with great care by Messire Bohier,
+Minister of Finance, the Castle of Chenonceaux, which as a curiosity
+and novel design, was placed right across the river Cher.
+
+Now the Baron de Samblancay, wishing to oppose the said Bohier,
+determined to lay the foundation of this at the bottom of the Indre,
+where it still stands, the gem of this fair green valley, so solidly
+was it placed upon the piles. It cost Jacques de Beaune thirty
+thousand crowns, not counting the work done by his vassals. You may
+take it for granted this castle was one of the finest, prettiest, most
+exquisite and most elaborate castles of our sweet Touraine, and laves
+itself in the Indre like a princely creature, gayly decked with
+pavilions and lace curtained windows, with fine weather-beaten
+soldiers on her vanes, turning whichever way the wind blows, as all
+soldiers do. But Samblancay was hanged before it was finished, and
+since that time no one has been found with sufficient money to
+complete it. Nevertheless, his master, King Francis the First, was
+once his guest, and the royal chamber is still shown there. When the
+king was going to bed, Samblancay, whom the king called "old fellow,"
+in honour of his white hairs, hearing his royal master, to whom he was
+devotedly attached, remark, "Your clock has just struck twelve, old
+fellow!" replied, "Ah! sire, to twelve strokes of a hammer, an old one
+now, but years ago a good one, at this hour of the clock do I owe my
+lands, the money spent on this place, and honour of being in your
+service."
+
+The king wished to know what his minister meant by these strange
+words; and when his majesty was getting into bed, Jacques de Beaune
+narrated to him the history with which you are acquainted. Now Francis
+the First, who was partial to these spicy stories, thought the
+adventure a very droll one, and was the more amused thereat because at
+that time his mother, the Duchess d'Angouleme, in the decline of life,
+was pursuing the Constable of Bourbon, in order to obtain of him one
+of these dozens. Wicked love of a wicked woman, for therefrom
+proceeded the peril of the kingdom, the capture of the king, and the
+death--as has been before mentioned--of poor Samblancay.
+
+I have here endeavoured to relate how the Chateau d'Azay came to be
+built, because it is certain that thus was commenced the great fortune
+of that Samblancay who did so much for his natal town, which he
+adorned; and also spent such immense sums upon the completion of the
+towers of the cathedral. This lucky adventure has been handed down
+from father to son, and lord to lord, in the said place of
+Azay-les-Ridel, where the story frisks still under the curtains of the
+king, which have been curiously respected down to the present day. It is
+therefore the falsest of falsities which attributes the dozen of the
+Tourainian to a German knight, who by this deed would have secured the
+domains of Austria to the House of Hapsburgh. The author of our days,
+who brought this history to light, although a learned man, has allowed
+himself to be deceived by certain chroniclers, since the archives of
+the Roman Empire make no mention of an acquisition of this kind. I am
+angry with him for having believed that a "braguette" nourished with
+beer, could have been equal to the alchemical operations of the
+Chinonian "braguettes," so much esteemed by Rabelais. And I have for
+the advantage of the country, the glory of Azay, the conscience of the
+castle, and renown of the House of Beaune, from which sprang the
+Sauves and the Noirmoutiers, re-established the facts in all their
+veritable, historical, and admirable beauty. Should any ladies pay a
+visit to the castle, there are still dozens to be found in the
+neighbourhood, but they can only be procured retail.
+
+
+
+                        THE FALSE COURTESAN
+
+That which certain people do not know, is a the truth concerning the
+decease of the Duke of Orleans, brother of King Charles VI., a death
+which proceeded from a great number of causes, one of which will be
+the subject of this narrative. This prince was for certain the most
+lecherous of all the royal race of Monseigneur St. Louis (who was in
+his life time King of France), without even putting on one side some
+of the most debauched of this fine family, which was so concordant
+with the vices and especial qualities of our brave and
+pleasure-seeking nation, that you could more easily imagine Hell
+without Satan than France without her valorous, glorious, and jovial
+kings. So you can laugh as loudly at those muckworms of philosophy who
+go about saying, "Our fathers were better," as at the good,
+philanthropical old bunglers who pretend that mankind is on the right
+road to perfection. These are old blind bats, who observe neither the
+plumage of oysters nor the shells of birds, which change no more than
+our ways. Hip, hip, huzzah! then, make merry while you're young. Keep
+your throats wet and your eyes dry, since a hundredweight of melancholy
+is worth less than an ounce of jollity. The wrong doings of this lord,
+lover of Queen Isabella, whom he doted upon, brought about pleasant
+adventures, since he was a great wit, of Alcibaidescal nature, and a
+chip off the old block. It was he who first conceived the idea of a
+relay of sweethearts, so that when he went from Paris to Bordeaux,
+every time he unsettled his nag he found ready for him a good meal and
+a bed with as much lace inside as out. Happy Prince! who died on
+horseback, for he was always across something in-doors and out. Of his
+comical jokes our most excellent King Louis the Eleventh has given a
+splendid sample in the book of "Cent Nouvelles Nouvelles," written under
+his superintendence during his exile, at the Court of Burgundy, where,
+during the long evenings, in order to amuse themselves, he and his
+cousin Charolois would relate to each other the good tricks and jokes
+of the period; and when they were hard up for true stories, each of
+the courtiers tried who could invent the best one. But out of respect
+for the royal blood, the Dauphin has credited a townsman with that
+which happened to the Lady of Cany. It is given under the title of "La
+Medaille a revers", in the collection of which it is one of the
+brightest jewels, and commences the hundred. But now for mine.
+
+The Duc d'Orleans had in his suite a lord of the province of Picardy,
+named Raoul d'Hocquetonville, who had taken for a wife, to the future
+trouble of the prince, a young lady related to the house of Burgundy,
+and rich in domains. But, an exception to the general run of
+heiresses, she was of so dazzling a beauty, that all the ladies of the
+court, even the Queen and Madame Valentine, were thrown into the
+shade; nevertheless, this was as nothing in the lady of
+Hocquetonville, compared with her Burgundian consanguinity, her
+inheritances, her prettiness, and gentle nature, because these rare
+advantages received a religious lustre from her supreme innocence,
+sweet modesty, and chaste education. The Duke had not long gazed upon
+this heaven-sent flower before he was seized with the fever of love.
+He fell into a state of melancholy, frequented no bad places, and only
+with regret now and then did he take a bite at his royal and dainty
+German morsel Isabella. He became passionate, and swore either by
+sorcery, by force, by trickery, or with her consent, to enjoy the
+flavours of this gentle lady, who, by the sight of her sweet body,
+forced him to the last extremity, during his now long and weary
+nights. At first, he pursued her with honied words, but he soon knew
+by her untroubled air that she was determined to remain virtuous, for
+without appearing astonished at his proceedings, or getting angry like
+certain other ladies, she replied to him, "My lord, I must inform you
+that I do not desire to trouble myself with the love of other persons,
+not that I despise the joys which are therein to be experienced (as
+supreme they must be, since so many ladies cast into the abyss of love
+their homes, their honour, their future, and everything), but from the
+love I bear my children. Never would I be the cause of a blush upon
+their cheeks, for in this idea will I bring up my daughters--that in
+virtue alone is happiness to be found. For, my lord, if the days of
+our old age are more numerous than those of our youth, of them must we
+think. From those who brought me up I learned to properly estimate
+this life, and I know that everything therein is transitory, except
+the security of the natural affections. Thus I wish for the esteem of
+everyone, and above all that of my husband, who is all the world to
+me. Therefore do I desire to appear honest in his sight. I have
+finished, and I entreat you to allow me unmolested to attend to my
+household affairs, otherwise I will unhesitatingly refer the matter to
+my lord and master, who will quit your service."
+
+This brave reply rendered the king's brother more amorous than ever,
+and he endeavoured to ensnare this noble woman in order to possess
+her, dead or alive, and he never doubted a bit that he would have her
+in his clutches, relying upon his dexterity at this kind of sport, the
+most joyous of all, in which it is necessary to employ the weapons of
+all other kinds of sport, seeing that this sweet game is taken
+running, by taking aim, by torchlight, by night, by day, in the town,
+in the country, in the woods, by the waterside, in nets, with falcons,
+with the lance, with the horn, with the gun, with the decoy bird, in
+snares, in the toils, with a bird call, by the scent, on the wing,
+with the cornet, in slime, with a bait, with the lime-twig--indeed, by
+means of all the snares invented since the banishment of Adam. And
+gets killed in various different ways, but generally is overridden.
+
+The artful fellow ceased to mention his desires, but had a post of
+honour given to the Lady of Hocquetonville, in the queen's household.
+Now, one day that the said Isabella went to Vincennes, to visit the
+sick King, and left him master of the Hotel St. Paul, he commanded the
+chef to have a delicate and royal supper prepared, and to serve it in
+the queen's apartments. Then he sent for his obstinate lady by express
+command, and by one of the pages of the household. The Countess
+d'Hocquetonville, believing that she was desired by Madame Isabella
+for some service appertaining to her post, or invited to some sudden
+amusement, hastened to the room. In consequence of the precautions
+taken by the disloyal lover, no one had been able to inform the noble
+dame of the princess's departure, so she hastened to the splendid
+chamber, which, in the Hotel St. Paul, led into the queen's
+bedchamber; there she found the Duc d'Orleans alone. Suspecting some
+treacherous plot, she went quickly into the other room, found no
+queen, but heard the Prince give vent to a hearty laugh.
+
+"I am undone!" said she. Then she endeavoured to run away.
+
+But the good lady-killer had posted about devoted attendants, who,
+without knowing what was going on, closed the hotel, barricaded the
+doors, and in this mansion, so large that it equalled a fourth of
+Paris, the Lady d'Hocquetonville was as in a desert, with no other aid
+than that of her patron saint and God. Then, suspecting the truth, the
+poor lady trembled from head to foot and fell into a chair; and then
+the working of this snare, so cleverly conceived, was, with many a
+hearty laugh, revealed to her by her lover. Directly the duke made a
+movement to approach her this woman rose and exclaimed, arming herself
+first with her tongue, and flashing one thousand maledictions from her
+eyes--
+
+"You will possess me--but dead! Ha! my lord, do not force me to a
+struggle which must become known to certain people. I may yet retire,
+and the Sire d'Hocquetonville shall be ignorant of the sorrow with
+which you have forever tinged my life. Duke, you look too often in the
+ladies' faces to find time to study men's, and you do not therefore
+know your man. The Sire d'Hocquetonville would let himself be hacked
+to pieces in your service, so devoted is he to you, in memory of your
+kindness to him, and also because he is partial to you. But as he
+loves so does he hate; and I believe him to be the man to bring his
+mace down upon your head, to take his revenge, if you but compel me to
+utter one cry. Do you desire both my death and your own? But be
+assured that, as an honest woman, whatever happens to me, good or
+evil, I shall keep no secret. Now, will you let me go?"
+
+The bad fellow began to whistle. Hearing his whistling, the good woman
+went suddenly into the queen's chamber, and took from a place known to
+her therein, a sharp stiletto. Then, when the duke followed her to
+ascertain what this flight meant, "When you pass that line," cried
+she, pointing to a board, "I will kill myself."
+
+My lord, without being in the least terrified, took a chair, placed it
+at the very edge of the plank in question, and commenced a glowing
+description of certain things, hoping to influence the mind of this
+brave woman, and work her to that point that her brain, her heart, and
+everything should be at his mercy. Then he commenced to say to her, in
+that delicate manner to which princes are accustomed, that, in the
+first place, virtuous women pay dearly for their virtue, since in
+order to gain the uncertain blessings of the future, they lose all the
+sweetest joys of the present, because husbands were compelled, from
+motives of conjugal policy, not show them all the jewels in the shrine
+of love, since the said jewels would so affect their hearts, was so
+rapturously delicious, so titillatingly voluptuous, that a woman would
+no longer consent to dwell in the cold regions of domestic life; and
+he declared this marital abomination to be a great felony, because the
+least thing a man could do in recognition of the virtuous life of a
+good woman and her great merits, was to overwork himself, to exert, to
+exterminate himself, to please her in every way, with fondlings and
+kissings and wrestlings, and all the delicacies and sweet
+confectionery of love; and that, if she would taste a little of the
+seraphic joys of these little ways to her unknown, she would believe
+all the other things of life as not worth a straw; and that, if such
+were her wish, he would forever be as silent as the grave, and last no
+scandal would besmear her virtue. And the lewd fellow, perceiving that
+the lady did not stop her ears, commenced to describe to her, after
+the fashion of arabesque pictures, which at that time were much
+esteemed, the wanton inventions of debauchery. Then did his eyes shoot
+flame, his words burn, and his voice ring, and he himself took great
+pleasure in calling to mind the various ways of his ladies, naming
+them to Madame d'Hocquetonville, and even revealing to her the tricks,
+caresses, and amorous ways of Queen Isabella, and he made use of
+expression so gracious and so ardently inciting, that, fancying it
+caused the lady to relax her hold upon the stiletto a little, he made
+as if to approach her. But she, ashamed to be found buried in thought,
+gazed proudly at the diabolical leviathan who tempted her, and said to
+him, "Fine sir, I thank you. You have caused me to love my husband all
+the more, for from your discourse I learn how much he esteems me by
+holding me in such respect that he does not dishonour his couch with
+the tricks of street-walkers and bad women. I should think myself
+forever disgraced, and should be contaminated to all eternity if I put
+my foot in these sloughs where go these shameless hussies. A man's
+wife is one thing, and his mistress another."
+
+"I will wager," said the duke, smiling, "that, nevertheless, for the
+future you spur the Sire d'Hocquetonville to a little sharper pace."
+
+At this the good woman trembled, and cried, "You are a wicked man. Now
+I both despise and abominate you! What! unable to rob me of my honour,
+you attempt to poison my mind! Ah, my lord, this night's work will
+cost you dear--
+
+    "If I forget it, a yet,
+     God will not forget.
+
+"Are not those of verse is yours?"
+
+"Madame," said the duke, turning pale with anger, "I can have you
+bound--"
+
+"Oh no! I can free myself," replied she, brandishing the stiletto.
+
+The rapscallion began to laugh.
+
+"Never mind," said he. "I have a means of plunging you into the
+sloughs of three brazen hussies, as you call them."
+
+"Never, while I live."
+
+"Head and heels you shall go in--with your two feet, two hands, two
+ivory breasts, and two other things, white as snow--your teeth, your
+hair, and everything. You will go of your own accord; you shall enter
+into it lasciviously, and in a way to crush your cavalier, as a wild
+horse does its rider--stamping, leaping, and snorting. I swear it by
+Saint Castud!"
+
+Instantly he whistled for one of his pages. And when the page came, he
+secretly ordered him to go and seek the Sire d'Hocquetonville,
+Savoisy, Tanneguy, Cypierre, and other members of his band, asking
+them to these rooms to supper, not without at the same time inviting
+to meet his guests a pretty petticoat or two.
+
+Then he came and sat down in his chair again, ten paces from the lady,
+off whom he had not taken his eye while giving his commands to the
+page in a whisper.
+
+"Raoul is jealous," said he. "Now let me give you a word of advice. In
+this place," he added, pointing to a secret door, "are the oils and
+superfine perfumes of the queen; in this other little closet she
+performs her ablutions and little feminine offices. I know by much
+experience that each one of you gentle creatures has her own special
+perfume, by which she is smelt and recognised. So if, as you say,
+Raoul is overwhelmingly jealous with the worst of all jealousies, you
+will use these fast hussies' scents, because your danger approaches
+fast."
+
+"Ah, my lord, what do you intend to do?"
+
+"You will know when it is necessary that you should know. I wish you
+no harm, and pledge you my honour, as a loyal knight, that I will
+almost thoroughly respect you, and be forever silent concerning my
+discomfiture. In short, you will know that the Duc d'Orleans has a
+good heart, and revenges himself nobly on ladies who treat him with
+disdain, by placing in their hands the key of Paradise. Only keep your
+ears open to the joyous words that will be handed from mouth to mouth
+in the next room, and cough not if you love your children."
+
+Since there was no egress from the royal chamber, and the bars
+crossing hardly left room to put one's head through, the good prince
+closed the door of the room, certain of keeping the lady a safe
+prisoner there, and again impressed upon her the necessity of silence.
+Then came the merry blades in great haste, and found a good and
+substantial supper smiling at them from the silver plates upon the
+table, and the table well arranged and well lighted, loaded with fine
+silver cups, and cups full of royal wine. Then said their master to
+them--
+
+"Come! Come! to your places my good friends. I was becoming very
+weary. Thinking of you, I wished to arrange with you a merry feast
+after the ancient method, when the Greeks and Romans said their Pater
+noster to Master Priapus, and the learned god called in all countries
+Bacchus. The feast will be proper and a right hearty one, since at our
+libation there will be present some pretty crows with three beaks, of
+which I know from great experience the best one to kiss."
+
+Then all of them recognising their master in all things, took pleasure
+in this discourse, except Raoul d'Hocquetonville, who advanced and
+said to the prince--
+
+"My lord, I will aid you willingly in any battle but that of the
+petticoats, in that of spear and axe, but not of the wine flasks. My
+good companions here present have not wives at home, it is otherwise
+with me. I have a sweet wife, to whom I owe my company, and an account
+of all my deeds and actions."
+
+"Then, since I am a married man I am to blame?" said the duke.
+
+"Ah! my dear master, you are a prince, and can do as you please."
+
+These brave speeches made, as you can imagine, the heart of the lady
+prisoner hot and cold.
+
+"Ah! my Raoul," thought she, "thou art a noble man!"
+
+"You are," said the duke, "a man whom I love, and consider more
+faithful and praiseworthy than any of my people. The others," said he,
+looking at the three lords, "are wicked men. But, Raoul," he
+continued, "sit thee down. When the linnets come--they are linnets of
+high degree--you can make your way home. S'death! I had treated thee
+as a virtuous man, ignorant of the extra-conjugal joys of love, and
+had carefully put for thee in that room the queen of raptures--a fair
+demon, in whom is concentrated all feminine inventions. I wished that
+once in thy life thou, who has never tasted the essence of love, and
+dreamed but of war, should know the secret marvels of the gallant
+amusement, since it is shameful that one of my followers should serve
+a fair lady badly."
+
+Thereupon the Sire d'Hocquetonville sat down to a table in order to
+please his prince as far as he could lawfully do so. Then they all
+commenced to laugh, joke, and talk about the ladies; and according to
+their custom, they related to each other their good fortunes and their
+love adventures, sparing no woman except the queen of the house, and
+betraying the little habits of each one, to which followed horrible
+little confidences, which increased in treachery and lechery as the
+contents of the goblets grew less. The duke, gay as a universal
+legatee, drew the guests out, telling lies himself to learn the truth
+from them; and his companions ate at a trot, drank at a full gallop,
+and their tongues rattled away faster than either.
+
+Now, listening to them, and heating his brain with wine, the Sire
+d'Hocquetonville unharnessed himself little by little from the
+reluctance. In spite of his virtues, he indulged certain desires, and
+became soaked in these impurities like a saint who defiles himself
+while saying his prayers. Perceiving which, the prince, on the alert
+to satisfy his ire and his bile, began to say to him, joking him--
+
+"By Saint Castud, Raoul, we are all tarred with the same brush, all
+discreet away from here. Go; we will say nothing to Madame. By heaven!
+man, I wish thee to taste of the joys of paradise. There," said he,
+tapping the door of the room in which was Madame d'Hocquetonville, "in
+there is a lady of the court and a friend of the queen, but the
+greatest priestess of Venus that ever was, and her equal is not to be
+found in any courtesan, harlot, dancer, doxy, or hussy. She was
+engendered at a moment when paradise was radiant with joy, when nature
+was procreating, when the planets were whispering vows of love, when
+the beasts were frisking and capering, and everything was aglow with
+desire. Although the women make an altar of her bed, she is
+nevertheless too great a lady to allow herself to be seen, and too
+well known to utter any words but the sounds of love. No light will
+you need, for her eyes flash fire, and attempt no conversation, since
+she speaks only with movements and twistings more rapid than those of
+a deer surprised in the forest. Only, my dear Raoul, but so merry a
+nag look to your stirrups, sit light in the saddle, since with one
+plunge she would hurl thee to the ceiling, if you are not careful. She
+burns always, and is always longing for male society. Our poor dead
+friend, the young Sire de Giac, met his death through her; she drained
+his marrow in one springtime. God's truth! to know such bliss as that
+of which she rings the bells and lights the fires, what man would not
+forfeit a third of his future happiness? and he who has known her once
+would for a second night forfeit without regret eternity."
+
+"But," said Raoul, "in things which should be so much alike, how is it
+that there is so great a difference?"
+
+"Ha! Ha! Ha!"
+
+Thereupon the company burst out laughing, and animated by the wine and
+a wink from their master, they all commenced relating droll and quaint
+conceits, laughing, shouting, and making a great noise. Now, knowing
+not that an innocent scholar was there, these jokers, who had drowned
+their sense of shame in the wine-cups, said things to make the figures
+on the mantel shake, the walls and the ceilings blush; and the duke
+surpassed them all, saying, that the lady who was in bed in the next
+room awaiting a gallant should be the empress of these warm
+imaginations, because she practised them every night. Upon this the
+flagons being empty, the duke pushed Raoul, who let himself be pushed
+willingly, into the room, and by this means the prince compelled the
+lady to deliberate by which dagger she would live or die. At midnight
+the Sire d'Hocquetonville came out gleefully, not without remorse at
+having been false to his good wife. Then the Duc d'Orleans led Madame
+d'Hocquetonville out by a garden door, so that she gained her
+residence before her husband arrived here.
+
+"This," said she, in the prince's ear, as she passed the postern,
+"will cost us all dear."
+
+One year afterwards, in the old Rue du Temple, Raoul d'Hocquetonville,
+who had quitted the service of the Duke for that of Jehan of Burgundy,
+gave the king's brother a blow on the head with a club, and killed
+him, as everyone knows. In the same year died the Lady
+d'Hocquetonville, having faded like a flower deprived of air and eaten
+by a worm. Her good husband had engraved upon her marble tomb, which
+is in one of the cloisters of Peronne, the following inscription--
+
+
+                             HERE LIES
+                        BERTHA DE BOURGONGE
+                     THE NOBLE AND COMELY WIFE
+                                 OF
+                   RAOUL, SIRE DE HOCQUETONVILLE.
+
+                    ALAS! PRAY NOT FOR HER SOUL
+                                SHE
+                    BLOSSOMED AGAIN IN PARADISE
+                    THE ELEVENTH DAY OF JANUARY
+                IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD MCCCCVIII.,
+                IN THE TWENTY-THIRD YEAR OF HER AGE,
+                LEAVING TWO SONS AND HER LORD SPOUSE
+                            INCONSOLABLE.
+
+
+This epitaph was written in elegant Latin, but for the convenience of
+all it was necessary to translate it, although the word comely is
+feeble beside that of formosa, which signifies beautiful in shape. The
+Duke of Burgundy, called the Fearless, in whom previous to his death
+the Sire d'Hocquetonville confided the troubles cemented with lime and
+sand in his heart, used to say, in spite of his hardheartedness in
+these matters, that this epitaph plunged him into a state of
+melancholy for a month, and that among all the abominations of his
+cousin of Orleans, there was one for which he would kill him over
+again if the deed had not already been done, because this wicked man
+had villianously defaced with vice the most divine virtue in the world
+and had prostituted two noble hearts, the one by the other. When
+saying this he would think of the lady of Hocquetonville and of his
+own, which portrait had been unwarrantably placed in the cabinet where
+his cousin placed the likeness of his wenches.
+
+The adventure was so extremely shocking, that when it was related by
+the Count de Charolois to the Dauphin, afterwards Louis XI., the
+latter would not allow his secretaries to publish it in his
+collection, out of respect for his great uncle the Duke d'Orleans, and
+for Dunois his old comrade, the son of the same. But the person of the
+lady of Hocquetonville is so sublimely virtuous, so exquisitely
+melancholy, that in her favour the present publication of this
+narrative will be forgiven, in spite of the diabolical invention and
+vengeance of Monseigneur d'Orleans. The just death of this rascal
+nevertheless caused many serious rebellions, which finally Louis XI.,
+losing all patience, put down with fire and sword.
+
+This shows us that there is a woman at the bottom of everything, in
+France as elsewhere, and that sooner or later we must pay for our
+follies.
+
+
+
+                  THE DANGER OF BEING TOO INNOCENT
+
+The Lord of Montcontour was a brave soldier of Tours, who in honour of
+the battle gained by the Duke of Anjou, afterwards our right glorious
+king, caused to be built at Vouvray the castle thus named, for he had
+borne himself most bravely in that affair, where he overcame the
+greatest of heretics, and from that was authorised to take the name.
+Now this said captain had two sons, good Catholics, of whom the eldest
+was in favour at court. After the peace, which was concluded before
+the stratagem arranged for St Bartholomew's Day, the good man returned
+to his manor, which was not ornamented as it is at the present day.
+There he received the sad announcement of the death of his son, slain
+in a duel by the lord of Villequier. The poor father was the more cut
+up at this, as he had arranged a capital marriage for the said son
+with a young lady of the male branch of Amboise. Now, by this death
+most piteously inopportune, vanished all the future and advantages of
+his family, of which he wished to make a great and noble house. With
+this idea, he had put his other son in a monastery, under the guidance
+and government of a man renowned for his holiness, who brought him up
+in a Christian manner, according to the desire of his father, who
+wished from high ambition to make him a cardinal of renown. For this
+the good abbot kept the young man in a private house, and had to sleep
+by his side in his cell, allowed no evil weeds to grow in his mind,
+brought him up in purity of soul and true condition, as all priests
+should be. This said clerk, when turned nineteen years, knew no other
+love than the love of God, no other nature than that of the angels who
+had not our carnal properties, in order that they may live in purity,
+seeing that otherwise they would make good use of them. The which the
+King on high, who wished to have His pages always proper, was afraid
+of. He has done well, because His good little people cannot drink in
+dram shops or riot in brothels as ours do. He is divinely served; but
+then remember, He is Lord of all. Now in this plight the lord of
+Montcontour determined to withdraw his second son from the cloister,
+and invest him with the purple of the soldier and courtier, in the
+place of the ecclesiastical purple; and determined to give him in
+marriage to the maiden, affianced to the dead man, which was wisely
+determined because wrapped round with continence and sobriety in all
+ways as was the little monk, the bride would be as well used and
+happier than she would have been with the elder, already well hauled
+over, upset, and spoiled by the ladies of the court. The befrocked,
+unfrocked, and very sheepish in his ways, followed the sacred wishes
+of his father, and consented to the said marriage without knowing what
+a wife, and--what is more curious--what a girl was. By chance, his
+journey having been hindered by the troubles and marches of
+conflicting parties, this innocent--more innocent than it is lawful
+for a man to be innocent--only came to the castle of Montcontour the
+evening before the wedding, which was performed with dispensations
+bought in by the archbishopric of Tours. It is necessary here to
+describe the bride. Her mother, long time a widow, lived in the House
+of M. de Braguelongne, civil lieutenant of the Chatelet de Paris,
+whose wife lived with lord of Lignieres, to the great scandal of the
+period. But everyone then had so many joists in his own eye that he
+had no right to notice the rafters in the eyes of others. Now, in all
+families people go to perdition, without noticing their neighbours,
+some at an amble, others at a gentle trot, many at a gallop, and a
+small number walking, seeing that the road is all downhill. Thus in
+these times the devil had many a good orgy in all things, since that
+misconduct was fashionable. The poor old lady Virtue had retired
+trembling, no one knew whither, but now here, now there, lived
+miserably in company with honest women.
+
+In the most noble house Amboise there still lived the Dowager of
+Chaumont, an old woman of well proved virtue, in whom had retired all
+the religion and good conduct of this fine family. The said lady had
+taken to her bosom, from the age of ten years, the little maiden who
+is concerned in this adventure, and who had never caused Madame
+Amboise the least anxiety, but left her free in her movements, and she
+came to see her daughter once a year, when the court passed that way.
+In spite of this high maternal reserve, Madame Amboise was invited to
+her daughter's wedding, and also the lord of Braguelongne, by the good
+old soldier, who knew his people. But the dear dowager came not to
+Montcontour, because she could not obtain relief from her sciatica,
+her cold, nor the state of her legs, which gamboled no longer. Over
+this the good woman cried copiously. It hurt her much to let go into
+the dangers of the court and of life this gentle maiden, as pretty as
+it was possible for a pretty girl to be, but she was obliged to give
+her her wings. But it was not without promising her many masses and
+orisons every evening for her happiness. And comforted a little, the
+good old lady began to think that the staff of her old age was passing
+into the hands of a quasi-saint, brought up to do good by the
+above-mentioned abbot, with whom she was acquainted, the which had
+aided considerably in the prompt exchange of spouses. At length,
+embracing her with tears, the virtuous dowager made those last
+recommendations to her that ladies make to young brides, as that she
+ought to be respectful to his mother, and obey her husband in
+everything.
+
+Then the maid arrived with a great noise, conducted by servants,
+chamberlains, grooms, gentlemen, and people of the house of Chaumont,
+so that you would have imagined her suite to be that of a cardinal
+legate. So arrived the two spouses the evening before marriage. Then,
+the feasting over, they were married with great pomp on the Lord's
+Day, a mass being said at the castle by the Bishop of Blois, who was a
+great friend of the lord of Montcontour; in short, the feasting, the
+dancing, and the festivities of all sorts lasted till the morning. But
+on the stroke of midnight the bridesmaids went to put the bride to
+bed, according to the custom of Touraine; and during this time they
+kept quarrelling with the innocent husband, to prevent him going to
+this innocent wife, who sided with them from ignorance. However, the
+good lord of Montcontour interrupted the jokers and the wits, because
+it was necessary that his son should occupy himself in well-doing.
+Then went the innocent into the chamber of his wife, whom he thought
+more beautiful than the Virgin Mary painted in Italian, Flemish, and
+other pictures, at whose feet he had said his prayers. But you may be
+sure he felt very much embarrassed at having so soon become a husband,
+because he knew nothing of his business, and saw that certain forms
+had to be gone through concerning which from great and modest reserve,
+he had no time to question even his father, who had said sharply to
+him--
+
+"You know what you have to do; be valiant therein."
+
+Then he saw the gentle girl who was given him, comfortably tucked up
+in the bedclothes, terribly curious, her head buried under, but
+hazarding a glance as at the point of a halberd, and saying to
+herself--
+
+"I must obey him."
+
+And knowing nothing, she awaited the will of this slightly
+ecclesiastical gentleman, to whom, in fact, she belonged. Seeing
+which, the Chevalier de Montcontour came close to the bed, scratched
+his ear, and knelt down, a thing in which he was expert.
+
+"Have you said your prayers?" said he.
+
+"No," said she; "I have forgotten them. Do wish me to say them?"
+
+Then the young couple commenced the business of a housekeeping by
+imploring God, which was not at all out of place. But unfortunately
+the devil heard, and at once replied to their requests, God being much
+occupied at that time with the new and abominable reformed religion.
+
+"What did they tell you to do?" said the husband.
+
+"To love you," said she, in perfect innocence.
+
+"This has not been told to me; but I love you, I am ashamed to say,
+better than I love God."
+
+This speech did not alarm the bride.
+
+"I should like," said the husband, "to repose myself in your bed, if
+it will not disturb you."
+
+"I will make room for you willingly because I am to submit myself to
+you."
+
+"Well," said he, "don't look at me again. I'm going to take my clothes
+off, and come."
+
+At this virtuous speech, the young damsel turned herself towards the
+wall in great expectation, seeing that it was for the very first time
+that she was about to find herself separated from a man by the
+confines of a shirt only. Then came the innocent, gliding into bed,
+and thus they found themselves, so to speak, united, but far from what
+you can imagine what. Did you ever see a monkey brought from across
+the seas, who for the first time is given a nut to crack? This ape,
+knowing by high apish imagination how delicious is the food hidden
+under the shell, sniffs and twists himself about in a thousand apish
+ways, saying, I know not what, between his chattering jaws. Ah! with
+what affection he studies it, with what study he examines it, in what
+examination he holds it, then throws it, rolls and tosses it about
+with passion, and often, when it is an ape of low extraction and
+intelligence, leaves the nut. As much did the poor innocent who,
+towards the dawn, was obliged to confess to his dear wife that, not
+knowing how to perform his office, or what that office was, or where
+to obtain the said office, it would be necessary for him to inquire
+concerning it, and have help and aid.
+
+"Yes," said she; "since, unhappily, I cannot instruct you."
+
+In fact, in spite of their efforts, essay of all kinds--in spite of a
+thousand things which the innocents invent, and which the wise in
+matters of love know nothing about--the pair dropped off to sleep,
+wretched at having been unable to discover the secret of marriage. But
+they wisely agreed to say that they had done so. When the wife got up,
+still a maiden, seeing that she had not been crowned, she boasted of
+her night, and said she had the king of husbands, and went on with her
+chattering and repartee as briskly as those who know nothing of these
+things. Then everyone found the maiden a little too sharp, since for a
+two-edged joke a lady of Roche-Corbon having incited a young maiden,
+de la Bourdaisiere, who knew nothing of such things, to ask the
+bride--
+
+"How many loaves did your husband put in the oven?"
+
+"Twenty-four," she replied.
+
+Now, as the bridegroom was roaming sadly about, thereby distressing
+his wife, who followed him with her eyes, hoping to see his state of
+innocence come to an end, the ladies believed that the joy of that
+night had cost him dear, and that the said bride was already
+regretting having so quickly ruined him. And at breakfast came the bad
+jokes, which at that time were relished as excellent, one said that
+the bride had an open expression; another, that there had been some
+good strokes of business done that night in the castle; this one, that
+the oven had been burned; that one that the two families have lost
+something that night that they would never find again. And a thousand
+other jokes, stupidities, and double meanings that, unfortunately the
+husband did not understand. But on account of the great affluence of
+the relations, neighbours, and others, no one had been to bed; all had
+danced, rollicked, and frolicked, as is the custom at noble weddings.
+
+At this was quite contented my said Sieur de Braguelongne, upon whom
+my lady of Amboise, excited by the thought of the good things which
+were happening to her daughter, cast the glances of a falcon in
+matters of gallant assignation. The poor Lieutenant civil, learned in
+bailiffs' men and sergeants, and who nabbed all the pickpockets and
+scamps of Paris, pretended not to see his good fortune, although his
+good lady required him to do. You may be sure this great lady's love
+weighed heavily upon him, so he only kept to her from a spirit of
+justice, because it was not seeming in a lieutenant judiciary to
+change his mistresses as often as a man at court, because he had under
+his charge morals, the police and religion. This not withstanding his
+rebellion must come to an end. On the day after the wedding a great
+number of the guests departed; then Madame d'Amboise and Monsieur de
+Braguelongne could go to bed, their guests having decamped. Sitting
+down to supper, the lieutenant received a half-verbal summons to which
+it was not becoming, as in legal matters, to oppose any reasons for
+delay.
+
+During supper the said lady d'Amboise made more than a hundred little
+signs in order to draw the good Braguelongne from the room where he
+was with the bride, but out came instead of the lieutenant the
+husband, to walk about in company with the mother of his sweet wife.
+Now, in the mind of this innocent there had sprung up like a mushroom
+an expedient--namely, to interrogate this good lady, whom he
+considered discreet, for remembering the religious precepts of his
+abbot, who had told him to inquire concerning all things of old people
+expert in the ways of life, he thought of confiding his case to the
+said lady d'Amboise. But he made first awkwardly and shyly certain
+twists and turns, finding no terms in which to unfold his case. And
+the lady was also perfectly silent, since she was outrageously struck
+with the blindness, deafness and voluntary paralysis of the lord of
+Braguelongne; and said to herself, walking by the side of this
+delicate morsel, a young innocent of whom she did not think, little
+imagining that this cat so well provided with young bacon could think
+of old--
+
+"This Ho, Ho, with a beard of flies' legs, a flimsy, old, grey,
+ruined, shaggy beard--beard without comprehension, beard without
+shame, without any feminine respect--beard which pretends neither to
+feel nor to hear, nor to see, a pared away beard, a beaten down,
+disordered, gutted beard. May the Italian sickness deliver me from
+this vile joker with a squashed nose, fiery nose, frozen nose, nose
+without religion, nose dry as a lute table, pale nose, nose without a
+soul, nose which is nothing but a shadow; nose which sees not, nose
+wrinkled like the leaf of a vine; nose that I hate, old nose, nose
+full of mud--dead nose. Where had my eyes been to attach myself to
+truffle nose, to this old hulk that no longer knows his way? I give my
+share to the devil of this juiceless beard, of this grey beard, of
+this monkey face, of these old tatters, of this old rag of a man, of
+this--I know not what; and I'll take a young husband who'll marry me
+properly, and . . . and often--every day--and well--"
+
+In this wise train of thought was she when the innocent began his
+anthem to this woman, so warmly excited, who at the first paraphrase
+took fire in her understanding, like a piece of old touchwood from the
+carbine of a soldier; and finding it wise to try her son-in-law, said
+to herself--
+
+"Ah! young beard, sweet scented! Ah! pretty new nose--fresh beard
+--innocent nose--virgin appeared--nose full of joy it--beard of
+springtime, small key of love!"
+
+She kept on talking the round of the garden, which was long, and then
+arranged with the Innocent that, night come, he should sally forth
+from his room and get into hers, where she engaged to render him more
+learned than ever was his father. And the husband was well content,
+and thanked Madame d'Amboise, begging her to say nothing of this
+arrangement.
+
+During this time the good old Braguelongne had been growling and
+saying to himself, "Old ha, ha! old ho, ho! May the plague take thee!
+may a cancer eat thee!--worthless old currycomb! old slipper, too big
+for the foot! old arquebus! ten year old codfish! old spider that
+spins no more! old death with open eyes! old devil's cradle! vile
+lantern of an old town-crier too! Old wretch whose look kills! old
+moustache of an old theriacler! old wretch to make dead men weep! old
+organ-pedal! old sheath with a hundred knives! old church porch, worn
+out by the knees! old poor-box in which everyone has dropped. I'll
+give all my future to be quit of thee!" As he finished these gentle
+thoughts the pretty bride, who was thinking of her young husband's
+great sorrow at not knowing the particulars of that essential item of
+marriage, and not having the slightest idea what it was, thought to
+save him much tribulation, shame, and labour by instructing herself.
+And she counted upon much astonishing and rejoicing him the next night
+when she should say to him, teaching him his duty, "That's the thing
+my love!" Brought up in great respect of old people by her dear
+dowager, she thought of inquiring of this good man in her sweetest
+manner to distil for her the sweet mysteries of the commerce. Now, the
+lord of Braguelongne, ashamed of being lost in sad contemplation of
+this evening's work, and of saying nothing to his gay companion, put
+this summary interrogation to the fair bride--"If she was not happy
+with so good a young husband--"
+
+"He is very good," said she.
+
+"Too good, perhaps," said the lieutenant smiling.
+
+To be brief, matters were so well arranged between them that the Lord
+engaged to spare no pains to enlighten the understanding of Madame
+d'Amboise's daughter-in-law, who promised to come and study her lesson
+in his room. The said lady d'Amboise pretended after supper to play
+terrible music in a high key to Monsieur Braguelongne saying that he
+had no gratitude for the blessings she had brought him--her position,
+her wealth, her fidelity, etc. In fact, she talked for half an hour
+without having exhausted a quarter of her ire. From this a hundred
+knives were drawn between them, but they kept the sheaths. Meanwhile
+the spouses in bed were arranging to themselves how to get away, in
+order to please each other. Then the innocent began to say he fell
+quite giddy, he knew not from what, and wanted to go into the open
+air. And his maiden wife told him to take a stroll in the moonlight.
+And then the good fellow began to pity his wife in being left alone a
+moment. At her desire, both of them at different times left their
+conjugal couch and came to their preceptors, both very impatient, as
+you can well believe; and good instruction was given to them. How? I
+cannot say, because everyone has his own method and practice, and of
+all sciences this is the most variable in principle. You may be sure
+that never did scholars receive more gayly the precepts of any
+language, grammar, or lessons whatsoever. And the two spouses returned
+to their nest, delighted at being able to communicate to each other
+the discoveries of their scientific peregrinations.
+
+"Ah, my dear," said the bride, "you already know more than my master."
+
+From these curious tests came their domestic joy and perfect fidelity;
+because immediately after their entry into the married state they
+found out how much better each of them was adapted for love than
+anyone else, their masters included. Thus for the remainder of their
+days they kept to the legitimate substance of their own persons; and
+the lord of Montcontour said in old age to his friends--
+
+"Do like me, be cuckolds in the blade, and not in the sheath."
+
+Which is the true morality of the conjugal condition.
+
+
+
+                       THE DEAR NIGHT OF LOVE
+
+In that winter when commenced that first taking up of arms by those of
+the religion, which was called the Riot of Amboise, an advocate, named
+Avenelles, lent his house, situated in the Rue des Marmousets for the
+interviews and conventions of the Huguenots, being one of them,
+without knowing, however, that the Prince of Conde, La Regnaudie, and
+others, intended to carry off the king.
+
+The said Avenelles wore a nasty red beard, as shiny as a stick of
+liquorice, and was devilishly pale, as are all the rogues who take
+refuge in the darkness of the law; in short, the most evil-minded
+advocate that has ever lived, laughing at the gallows, selling
+everybody, and a true Judas. According to certain authors of a great
+experience in subtle rogues he was in this affair, half knave, half
+fool, as it is abundantly proved by this narrative. This procureur had
+married a very lovely lady of Paris, of whom he was jealous enough to
+kill her for a pleat in the sheets, for which she could not account,
+which would have been wrong, because honest creases are often met
+with. But she folded her clothes very well, so there's the end of the
+matter. Be assured that, knowing the murderous and evil nature of this
+man, his wife was faithful enough to him, always ready, like a
+candlestick, arranged for her duty like a chest which never moves, and
+opens to order. Nevertheless, the advocate had placed her under the
+guardianship and pursuing eye of an old servant, a duenna as ugly as a
+pot without a handle, who had brought up the Sieur Avenelles, and was
+very fond of him. His poor wife, for all pleasure in her cold domestic
+life, used to go to the Church of St. Jehan, on the Place de Greve,
+where, as everyone knows, the fashionable world was accustomed to
+meet; and while saying her paternosters to God she feasted her eyes
+upon all these gallants, curled, adorned, and starched, young, comely,
+and flitting about like true butterflies, and finished by picking out
+from among the lot a good gentleman, lover of the queen-mother, and a
+handsome Italian, with whom she was smitten because he was in the May
+of his age, nobly dressed, a graceful mover, brave in mien, and was
+all that a lover should be to bestow a heart full of love upon an
+honest married woman too tightly squeezed by the bonds of matrimony,
+which torment her, and always excite her to unharness herself from the
+conjugal yoke. And you can imagine that the young gentleman grew to
+admire Madame, whose silent love spoke secretly to him, without either
+the devil or themselves knowing how. Both one and the other had their
+correspondence of love. At first, the advocate's wife adorned herself
+only to come to church, and always came in some new sumptuosity; and
+instead of thinking of God, she made God angry by thinking of her
+handsome gentleman, and leaving her prayers, she gave herself up to
+the fire which consumed her heart, and moistened her eyes, her lips,
+and everything, seeing that this fire always dissolves itself in
+water; and often said to herself: "Ha! I would give my life for a
+single embrace with this pretty lover who loves me." Often, too, in
+place of saying her litanies to Madame the Virgin, she thought in her
+heart: "To feel the glorious youth of this gentle lover, to have the
+full joys of love, to taste all in one moment, little should I mind
+the flames into which the heretics are thrown." Then the gentleman
+gazing at the charms of this good wife, and her burning blushes when
+he glanced at her, came always close to her stool, and addressed to
+her those requests which the ladies understand so well. Then he said
+aside to himself: "By the double horn on my father, I swear to have
+the woman, though it cost me my life."
+
+And when the duenna turned her head, the two lovers squeezed, pressed,
+breathed, ate, devoured, and kissed each other by a look which would
+have set light to the match of a musketeer, if the musketeer had been
+there. It was certain that a love so far advanced in the heart should
+have an end. The gentleman dressed as a scholar of Montaign, began to
+regale the clerks of the said Avenelles, and to joke in the company,
+in order to learn the habits of the husband, his hours of absence, his
+journeys, and everything, watching for an opportunity to stick his
+horns on. And this was how, to his injury, the opportunity occurred.
+The advocate, obliged to follow the course of this conspiracy, and, in
+case of failure, intending to revenge himself upon the Guises,
+determined to go to Blois, where the court then was in great danger of
+being carried off. Knowing this, the gentleman came first to the town
+of Blois, and there arranged a master-trap, into which the Sieur
+Avenelles should fall, in spite of his cunning, and not come out until
+steeped in a crimson cuckoldom. The said Italian, intoxicated with
+love, called together all his pages and vassals, and posted them in
+such a manner that on the arrival of the advocate, his wife, and her
+duenna, it was stated to them at all the hostelries at which they
+wished to put up that the hostelry being full, in consequence of the
+sojourn of the court, they must go elsewhere. Then the gentleman made
+such an arrangement with the landlord of the Soleil Royal, that he had
+the whole of the house, and occupied, without any of the usual
+servants of the place remaining there. For greater security, my lord
+sent the said master and his people into the country, and put his own
+in their places, so that the advocate should know nothing of this
+arrangement. Behold my good gentleman who lodges his friends to come
+to the court in the hostelry, and for himself keeps a room situated
+above those in which he intends to put his lovely mistress, her
+advocate, and the duenna, not without first having cut a trap in the
+boards. And his steward being charged to play the part of the
+innkeeper, his pages dressed like guests, and his female servants like
+servants of the inn, he waited for spies to convey to him the dramatis
+personae of this farce--viz., wife, husband, and duenna, none of whom
+failed to come. Seeing the immense wealth of the great lords,
+merchants, warriors, members of the service, and others, brought by
+the sojourn of the young king, of two queens, the Guises, and all the
+court, no one had a right to be astonished or to talk of the roguish
+trap, or of the confusion come to the Soleil Royal. Behold now the
+Sieur Avenelles, on his arrival, bundled about, he, his wife and the
+duenna from inn to inn, and thinking themselves very fortunate in
+being received at the Soleil Royal, where the gallant was getting
+warm, and love was burning. The advocate, being lodged, the lover
+walked about the courtyard, watching and waiting for a glance from the
+lady; and he did not have to wait very long, since the fair Avenelles,
+looking soon into the court, after the custom of the ladies, there
+recognised not without great throbbing of the heart, her gallant and
+well-beloved gentleman. At that she was very happy; and if by a lucky
+chance both had been alone together for an ounce of time, that good
+gentleman would not have had to wait for his good fortune, so burning
+was she from head to foot.
+
+"How warm it is in the rays of this lord," said she, meaning to say
+sun, since it was then shining fiercely.
+
+Hearing this, the advocate sprang to the window, and beheld my
+gentleman.
+
+"Ha! you want lords, my dear, do you?" said the advocate, dragging her
+by the arm, and throwing her like one of his bags on to the bed.
+"Remember that if I have a pencase at my side instead of a sword, I
+have a penknife in this pencase, and that penknife will go into your
+heart on the least suspicion of conjugal impropriety. I believe I have
+seen that gentleman somewhere."
+
+The advocate was so terribly spiteful that the lady rose, and said to
+him--
+
+"Well, kill me. I am not afraid of deceiving you. Never touch me
+again, after having thus menaced me. And from to-day I shall never
+think of sleeping save with a lover more gentle than you are."
+
+"There, there, my little one!" said the advocate, surprised. "We have
+gone a little too far. Kiss me, chick-a-biddy, and forgive me."
+
+"I will neither kiss nor pardon you," said she "You are a wretch!"
+
+Avenelles, enraged, wished to take by force that which his wife denied
+him, and from this resulted a combat, from which the husband emerged
+clawed all over. But the worst of it was, that the advocate, covered
+with scratches, being expected by the conspirators, who were holding a
+council, was obliged to quit his good wife, leaving her to the care of
+the old woman.
+
+The knave having departed, the gentleman putting one of his servants
+to keep watch at the corner of the street, mounts to his blessed trap,
+lifts it noiselessly, and calls the lady by a gentle psit! psit! which
+was understood by the heart, which generally understands everything.
+The lady lifts her head, and sees her pretty lover four flea jumps
+above her. Upon a sign, she takes hold of two cords of black silk, to
+which were attached loops, through which she passes her arms, and in
+the twinkling of an eye is translated by two pulleys from her bed
+through the ceiling into the room above, and the trap closing as it
+has opened, left the old duenna in a state of great flabbergastation,
+when, turning her head, she neither saw robe nor woman, and perceived
+that the women had been robbed. How? by whom? in what way? where?
+--Presto! Foro! Magico! As much knew the alchemists at their furnaces
+reading Herr Trippa. Only the old woman knew well the crucible, and
+the great work--the one was cuckoldom, and the other the private
+property of Madame Advocate. She remained dumbfounded, watching for
+the Sieur Avenelles--as well say death, for in his rage he would
+attack everything, and the poor duenna could not run away, because
+with great prudence the jealous man had taken the keys with him. At
+first sight, Madame Avenelles found a dainty supper, a good fire in
+the grate, but a better in the heart of her lover, who seized her, and
+kissed her, with tears of joy, on the eyes first of all, to thank them
+for their sweet glances during devotion at the church of St Jehan en
+Greve. Nor did the glowing better half of the lawyer refuse her little
+mouth to his love, but allowed herself to be properly pressed, adored,
+caressed, delighting to be properly pressed, admirably adored, and
+calorously caressed after the manner of eager lovers. And both agreed
+to be all in all to each other the whole night long, no matter what
+the result might be, she counting the future as a fig in comparison
+with the joys of this night, he relying upon his cunning and his sword
+to obtain many another. In short, both of them caring little for life,
+because at one stroke they consummated a thousand lives, enjoyed with
+each other a thousand delights, giving to each other the double of
+their own--believing, he and she, that they were falling into an
+abyss, and wishing to roll there closely clasped, hurling all the love
+of their souls with rage in one throw. Therein they loved each other
+well. Thus they knew not love, the poor citizens, who live
+mechanically with their good wives, since they know not the fierce
+beating of the heart, the hot gush of life, and the vigorous clasp as
+of two young lovers, closely united and glowing with passion, who
+embrace in face of the danger of death. Now the youthful lady and the
+gentleman ate little supper, but retired early to rest. Let us leave
+them there, since no words, except those of paradise unknown to us,
+would describe their delightful agonies, and agonising delights.
+Meanwhile, the husband, so well cuckolded that all memory of marriage
+had been swept away by love,--the said Avenelles found himself in a
+great fix. To the council of the Huguenots came the Prince of Conde,
+accompanied by all the chiefs and bigwigs, and there it was resolved
+to carry off the queen-mother, the Guises, the young king, the young
+queen, and to change the government. This becoming serious, the
+advocate seeing his head at stake, did not feel the ornaments being
+planted there, and ran to divulge the conspiracy to the cardinal of
+Lorraine, who took the rogue to the duke, his brother, and all three
+held a consultation, making fine promises to the Sieur Avenelles, whom
+with the greatest difficulty they allowed, towards midnight, to
+depart, at which hour he issued secretly from the castle. At this
+moment the pages of the gentleman and all his people were having a
+right jovial supper in honour of the fortuitous wedding of their
+master. Now, arriving at the height of the festivities, in the middle
+of the intoxication and joyous huzzahs, he was assailed with jeers,
+jokes, and laughter that turned him sick when he came into his room.
+The poor servant wished to speak, but the advocate promptly planted a
+blow in her stomach, and by a gesture commanded her to be silent. Then
+he felt in his valise, and took therefrom a good poniard. While he was
+opening and shutting it, a frank, naive, joyous, amorous, pretty,
+celestial roar of laughter, followed by certain words of easy
+comprehension, came down through the trap. The cunning advocate,
+blowing out his candle, saw through the cracks in the boards caused by
+the shrinking of the door a light, which vaguely explained the mystery
+to him, for he recognised the voice of his wife, and that of the
+combatant. The husband took the duenna by the arm, and went softly at
+the stairs searching for the door of the chamber in which were the
+lovers, and did not fail to find it. Fancy! that like a horrid, rude
+advocate, he burst open the door, and with one spring was on the bed,
+in which he surprised his wife, half dressed, in the arms of the
+gentleman.
+
+"Ah!" said she.
+
+The lover having avoided the blow, tried to snatch the poniard from
+the hands of the knave, who held it firmly.
+
+Now, in this struggle of life and death, the husband finding himself
+hindered by his lieutenant, who clutched him tightly with his fingers
+of iron, and bitten by his wife, who tore away at him with a will,
+gnawing him as a dog gnaws a bone, he thought instantly of a better
+way to gratify his rage. Then the devil, newly horned, maliciously
+ordered, in his patois, the servants to tie the lovers with the silken
+cords of the trap, and throwing the poniard away, he helped the duenna
+to make them fast. And the thing thus done in a moment, he rammed some
+linen into their mouths to stop their cries, and ran to his good
+poniard without saying a word. At this moment there entered several
+officers of the Duke of Guise, whom during the struggle no one had
+heard turning the house upside down, looking for the Sieur Avenelles.
+These soldiers, suddenly warned by the cries of the pages of the lord,
+bound, gagged and half killed, threw themselves between the man with
+the poniard and the lovers, disarmed him, and accomplished their
+mission by arresting him, and marching him off to the castle prison,
+he, his wife, and the duenna. At the same time the people of the
+Guises, recognising one of their master's friends, with whom at this
+moment the queen was most anxious to consult, and whom they were
+enjoined to summon to the council, invited him to come with them. Then
+the gentleman soon untied, dressing himself, said aside to the chief
+of the escort, that on his account, for the love for him, he should be
+careful to keep the husband away from his wife, promising him his
+favour, good advancement, and even a few deniers, if he were careful
+to obey him on this point. And for greater surety he explained to him
+the why and the wherefore of the affair, adding that if the husband
+found himself within reach of this fair lady he would give her for
+certain a blow in the belly from which she would never recover.
+Finally he ordered him to place the lady in the jail of the castle, in
+a pleasant place level with gardens, and the advocate in a safe
+dungeon, not without chaining him hand and foot. The which the said
+office promised, and arranged matters according to the wish of the
+gentleman, who accompanied the lady as far as the courtyard of the
+castle, assuring her that this business would make her a widow, and
+that he would perhaps espouse her in legitimate marriage. In fact, the
+Sieur Avenelles was thrown into a damp dungeon, without air, and his
+pretty wife placed in a room above him, out of consideration for her
+lover, who was the Sieur Scipion Sardini, a noble of Lucca,
+exceedingly rich, and, as has been before stated, a friend of Queen
+Catherine de Medici, who at that time did everything in concert with
+the Guises. Then he went up quickly to the queen's apartments, where a
+great secret council was then being held, and there the Italian
+learned what was going on, and the danger of the court. Monseigneur
+Sardini found the privy counsellors much embarrassed and surprised at
+this dilemma, but he made them all agree, telling them to turn it to
+their own advantage; and to his advice was due the clever idea of
+lodging the king in the castle of Amboise, in order to catch the
+heretics there like foxes in a bag, and there to slay them all.
+Indeed, everyone knows how the queen-mother and Guises dissimulated,
+and how the Riot of Amboise terminated. This is not, however, the
+subject of the present narrative. When in the morning everyone had
+quitted the chamber of the queen-mother, where everything had been
+arranged, Monseigneur Sardini, in no way oblivious of his love for the
+fair Avenelles, although he was at the time deeply smitten with the
+lovely Limeuil, a girl belonging to the queen-mother, and her relation
+by the house of La Tour de Turenne, asked why the good Judas had been
+caged. Then the Cardinal of Lorraine told him his intention was not in
+any way to harm the rogue, but that fearing his repentance, and for
+greater security of his silence until the end of the affair, he put
+him out of the way, and would liberate him at the proper time.
+
+"Liberate him!" said the Luccanese. "Never! Put him in a sack, and
+throw the old black gown into the Loire. In the first place I know
+him; he is not the man to forgive you his imprisonment, and will
+return to the Protestant Church. Thus this will be a work pleasant to
+God, to rid him of a heretic. Then no one will know your secrets, and
+not one of his adherents will think of asking you what has become of
+him, because he is a traitor. Let me procure the escape of his wife
+and arrange the rest; I will take it off your hands."
+
+"Ha, ha!" said the cardinal; "you give good council. Now I will,
+before distilling your advice, have them both more securely guarded.
+Hi, there!"
+
+Came an officer of police, who was ordered to let no person whoever he
+might be, communicate with the two prisoners. Then the cardinal begged
+Sardini to say at his hotel that the said advocate had departed from
+Blois to return to his causes in Paris. The men charged with the
+arrest of the advocate had received a verbal order to treat him as a
+man of importance, so they neither stripped nor robbed him. Now the
+advocate had kept thirty gold crowns in his purse, and resolved to
+lose them all to assure his vengeance, and proved by good arguments to
+the jailers that it was allowable for him to see his wife, on whom he
+doted, and whose legitimate embrace he desired. Monseigneur Sardini,
+fearing for his mistress the danger of the proximity of this red
+learned rogue, and for her having great fear of certain evils,
+determined to carry her off in the night, and put her in a place of
+safety. Then he hired some boatmen and also their boat, placing them
+near the bridge, and ordered three of his most active servants to file
+the bars of the cell, seize the lady, and conduct her to the wall of
+the gardens where he would await her.
+
+These preparations being made, and good files bought, he obtained an
+interview in the morning with the queen-mother, whose apartments were
+situated above the stronghold in which lay the said advocate and his
+wife, believing that the queen would willingly lend herself to this
+flight. Presently he was received by her, and begged her not to think
+it wrong that, at the instigation of the cardinal and of the Duke of
+Guise, he should deliver this lady; and besides this, urged her very
+strongly to tell the cardinal to throw the man into the water. To
+which the queen said "Amen." Then the lover sent quickly to his lady a
+letter in a plate of cucumbers, to advise her of her approaching
+widowhood, and the hour of flight, with all of which was the fair
+citizen well content. Then at dusk the soldiers of the watch being got
+out of the way by the queen, who sent them to look at a ray of the
+moon, which frightened her, behold the servants raised the grating,
+and caught the lady, who came quickly enough, and was led through the
+house to Monseigneur Sardini.
+
+But the postern closed, and the Italian outside with the lady, behold
+the lady throw aside her mantle, see the lady change into an advocate,
+and see my said advocate seize his cuckolder by the collar, and half
+strangle him, dragging him towards the water to throw him to the
+bottom of the Loire; and Sardini began to defend himself, to shout,
+and to struggle, without being able, in spite of his dagger, to shake
+off this devil in long robes. Then he was quiet, falling into a slough
+under the feet of the advocate, whom he recognised through the mists
+of this diabolical combat, and by the light of the moon, his face
+splashed with the blood of his wife. The enraged advocate quitted the
+Italian, believing him to be dead, and also because servants armed
+with torches, came running up. But he had to jump into the boat and
+push off in great haste.
+
+Thus poor Madame Avenelles died alone, since Monseigneur Sardini,
+badly strangled, was found, and revived from this murder; and later,
+as everyone knows, married the fair Limeuil after this sweet girl had
+been brought to bed in the queen's cabinet--a great scandal, which
+from friendship the queen-mother wished to conceal, and which from
+great love Sardini, to whom Catherine gave the splendid estate of
+Chaumont-sur-Loire, and also the castle, covered with marriage.
+
+But he had been so brutally used by the husband, that he did not make
+old bones, and the fair Limeuil was left a widow in her springtime. In
+spite of his misdeeds the advocate was not searched after. He was
+cunning enough eventually to get included in the number of those
+conspirators who were not prosecuted, and returned to the Huguenots,
+for whom he worked hard in Germany.
+
+Poor Madame Avenelles, pray for her soul! for she was hurled no one
+knew where, and had neither the prayers of the Church nor Christian
+burial. Alas! shed a tear for her, ye ladies lucky in your loves.
+
+
+
+              THE SERMON OF THE MERRY VICAR OF MEUDON
+
+When, for the last time, came Master Francis Rabelais, to the court of
+King Henry the Second of the name, it was in that winter when the will
+of nature compelled him to quit for ever his fleshly garb, and live
+forever in his writings resplendent with that good philosophy to which
+we shall always be obliged to return. The good man had, at that time,
+counted as nearly as possible seventy flights of the swallow. His
+Homeric head was but scantily ornamented with hair, but his beard was
+still perfect in its flowing majesty; there was still an air of
+spring-time in his quiet smile, and wisdom on his ample brow. He was a
+fine old man according to the statement of those who had the happiness
+to gaze upon his face, to which Socrates and Aristophanes, formerly
+enemies, but then become friends, contributed their features. Hearing
+his last hours tinkling in his ears he determined to go and pay his
+respects to the king of France, because he was having just at that
+time arrived in his castle of Tournelles, the good man's house being
+situated in the gardens of St Paul, was not a stone's throw distant
+from the court. He soon found himself in the presence of Queen
+Catherine, Madame Diana, whom she received from motives of policy, the
+king, the constable, the cardinals of Lorraine and Bellay, Messieurs
+de Guise, the Sieur de Birague, and other Italians, who at that time
+stood well at court in consequence of the king's protection; the
+admiral, Montgomery, the officers of the household, and certain poets,
+such as Melin de St. Gelays, Philibert de l'Orme, and the Sieur
+Brantome.
+
+Perceiving the good man, the king, who knew his wit, said to him, with
+a smile, after a short conversation--
+
+"Hast thou ever delivered a sermon to thy parishioners of Meudon?"
+
+Master Rabelais, thinking that the king was joking, since he had never
+troubled himself further about his post than to collect the revenues
+accruing from it, replied--
+
+"Sire, my listeners are in every place, and my sermon heard throughout
+Christendom."
+
+Then glancing at all the courtiers, who, with the exception of
+Messieurs du Bellay and Chatillon, considered him to be nothing but a
+learned merry-andrew, while he was really the king of all wits, and a
+far better king than he whose crown only the courtiers venerate, there
+came into the good man's head the malicious idea to philosophically
+pump over their heads, just as it pleased Gargantua to give the
+Parisians a bath from the turrets of Notre Dame, so he added--
+
+"If you are in a good humour, sire, I can regale you with a capital
+little sermon, always appropriate, and which I have kept under the
+tympanum of my left ear in order to deliver it in a fit place, by way
+of an aulic parable."
+
+"Gentlemen," said the king, "Master Francis Rabelais has the floor of
+the court, and our salvation is concerned in his speech. Be silent, I
+pray you, and give heed; he is fruitful in evangelical drolleries."
+
+"Sire," said the good vicar, "I commence."
+
+All the courtiers became silent, and arranged themselves into a
+circle, pliant as osiers before the father of Pantagruel who unfolded
+to them the following tale, in words the illustrious eloquence of
+which it is impossible to equal. But since this tale has only been
+verbally handed down to us, the author will be pardoned if he write
+after his own fashion.
+
+"In his old age Gargantua took to strange habits, which greatly
+astonished his household, but the which he was forgiven since he was
+seven hundred and four years old, in spite of the statement of St.
+Clement of Alexandra in his Stromates, which makes out that at this
+time he was a quarter of a day less, which matters little to us. Now
+this paternal master, seeing that everything was going wrong in his
+house, and that every one was fleecing him, conceived a great fear
+that he would in his last moments be stripped of everything, and
+resolved to invent a more perfect system of management in his domains,
+and he did well. In a cellar of Gargantuan abode he hid away a fine
+heap of red wheat, beside twenty jars of mustard and several
+delicacies, such as plums and Tourainian rolls, articles of a dessert,
+Olivet cheese, goat cheese, and others, well known between Langeais
+and Loches, pots of butter, hare pasties, preserved ducks, pigs'
+trotters in bran, boatloads and pots full of crushed peas, pretty
+little pots of Orleans quince preserve, hogsheads of lampreys,
+measures of green sauce, river game, such as francolins, teal,
+sheldrake, heron, and flamingo, all preserved in sea-salt, dried
+raisins, tongues smoked in the manner invented by Happe-Mousche, his
+celebrated ancestor, and sweetstuff for Garga-melle on feast days; and
+a thousand other things which are detailed in the records of the
+Ripuary laws and in certain folios of the Capitularies, Pragmatics,
+royal establishments, ordinances and institutions of the period. To be
+brief, the good man, putting his spectacles on his nose or his nose in
+his spectacles, looked about for a fine flying dragon or unicorn to
+whom the guard of this precious treasure could be committed. With this
+thought in his head he strolled about the gardens. He did not desire a
+Coquecigrue, because the Egyptians were afraid of them, as it appeared
+in the Hieroglyphics. He dismissed the idea of engaging the legions of
+Caucquemarres, because emperors disliked them and also the Romans
+according to that sulky fellow Tacitus. He rejected the Pechrocholiers
+in council assembled, the Magi, the Druids, the legion or Papimania,
+and the Massorets, who grew like quelch-grass and over-ran all the
+land, as he had been told by his son, Pantagruel, on his return from
+his journey. The good man calling to mind old stories, had no
+confidence in any race, and if it had been permissible would have
+implored the Creator for a new one, but not daring to trouble Him
+about such trifles, did not know whom to choose, and was thinking that
+his wealth would be a great trouble to him, when he met in his path a
+pretty little shrew-mouse of the noble race of shrew-mice, who bear
+all gules on an azure ground. By the gods! be sure that it was a
+splendid animal, with the finest tail of the whole family, and was
+strutting about in the sun like a brave shrew-mouse. It was proud of
+having been in this world since the Deluge, according to
+letters-patent of indisputable nobility, registered by the parliament
+of the universe, since it appears from the Ecumenical Inquiry a
+shrew-mouse was in Noah's Ark." Here Master Alcofribas raised his cap
+slightly, and said, reverently, "It was Noah, my lords, who planted
+the vine, and first had the honour of getting drunk upon the juice of
+its fruit."
+
+"For it is certain," he continued, "that a shrew-mouse was in the
+vessel from which we all came; but the men have made bad marriages;
+not so the mice, because they are more jealous of their coat of arms
+than any other animals, and would not receive a field-mouse among
+them, even though he had the especial gift of being able to convert
+grains of sand to fine fresh hazelnuts. This fine gentlemanly
+character so pleased the good Gargantua, that he decided to give the
+post of watching his granaries to the shrew-mouse, with the most ample
+of powers--of justice, comittimus, missi dominici, clergy,
+men-at-arms, and all. The shrew-mouse promised faithfully to
+accomplish his task, and to do his duty as a loyal beast, on condition
+that he lived on a heap of grain, which Gargantua thought perfectly
+fair. The shrew-mouse began to caper about in his domain as happy as a
+prince who is happy, reconnoitering his immense empire of mustard,
+countries of sugar, provinces of ham, duchies of raisins, counties of
+chitterlings, and baronies of all sorts, scrambling on to the heap of
+grain and frisking his tail against everything. To be brief, everywhere
+was the shrew-mouse received with honour by the pots, which kept a
+respectful silence, except two golden tankards, which knocked against
+each other like the bells of a church ringing a tocsin, at which he was
+much pleased, and thanked them, right and left, by a nod of the head,
+while promenading in the rays of the sun, which were illuminating his
+domain. Therein so splendidly did the brown colour of his hair shine
+forth, that one would have thought him a northern king in his sable
+furs. After his twists, turns, jumps and capers, he munched two grains
+of corn, sat upon the heap like a king in full court, and fancied
+himself the most illustrious of shrew-mice. At this moment they came
+from their accustomed holes the gentlemen of the night-prowling court,
+who scamper with their little feet across the floors; these gentlemen
+being the rats, mice, and other gnawing, thieving, and crafty animals,
+of whom the citizens and housewives complain. When they saw the
+shrew-mouse they took fright, and all remained shyly at the threshold
+of their dens. Among these common people, in spite of the danger, one
+old infidel of the trotting, nibbling race of mice, advanced a little,
+and putting his nose in the air, had the courage to stare my lord
+shrew-mouse full in the face, although the latter was proudly squatted
+upon his rump, with his tail in the air; and he came to the conclusion
+that he was a devil, from whom nothing but scratches were to be gained.
+And from these facts, Gargantua, in order that the high authority of
+his lieutenant might be universally known by all of the shrew-mice,
+cats, weasels, martins, field-mice, mice, rats, and other bad characters
+of the same kidney, had lightly dipped his muzzle, pointed as a larding
+pin, in oil of musk, which all shrew-mice have since inherited,
+because this one, is spite of the sage advice of Gargantua, rubbed
+himself against others of his breed. From this sprang the troubles in
+the Muzaraignia of which I will give you a good account in an
+historical book when I get an opportunity.
+
+"Then an old mouse, or rat--the rabbis of Talmud have not yet agreed
+concerning the species--perceiving by this perfume that this
+shrew-mouse was appointed to guard the grain of Gargantua, and had
+been sprinkled with virtues, invested with full powers, and armed at
+all points, was alarmed lest he should no longer be able to live,
+according to the custom of mice, upon the meats, morsels, crusts,
+crumbs, leavings, bits, atoms, and fragments of this Canaan of rats.
+In this dilemma the good mouse, artful as an old courtier who had
+lived under two regencies and three kings, resolved to try the mettle
+of the shrew-mouse, and devote himself to the salvation of the jaws of
+his race. This would have been a laudable thing in a man, but it was
+far more so in a mouse, belonging to a tribe who live for themselves
+alone, barefacedly and shamelessly, and in order to gratify themselves
+would defile a consecrated wafer, gnaw a priest's stole without shame,
+and would drink out of a Communion cup, caring nothing for God. The
+mouse advanced with many a bow and scrape, and the shrew-mouse let him
+advance rather near--for, to tell the truth, these animals are
+naturally short-sighted. Then this Curtius of nibblers made his little
+speech, not the jargon of common mice, but in the polite language of
+shrew-mice:--'My lord, I have heard with much concern of your glorious
+family, of which I am one of the most devoted slaves. I know the
+legend of your ancestors, who were thought much of by the ancient
+Egyptians, who held them in great veneration, and adored them like
+other sacred birds. Nevertheless, your fur robe is so royally
+perfumed, and its colour is so splendiferously tanned, that I am
+doubtful if I recognise you as belonging to this race, since I have
+never seen any of them so gloriously attired. However you have
+swallowed the grain after the antique fashion. Your proboscis is a
+proboscis of sapience; you have kicked like a learned shrew-mouse; but
+if you are a true shrew-mouse, you should have in I know not what part
+of your ear--I know not what special auditorial channel, which I know
+not, what wonderful door, closes I know not how, and I know not with
+what movements, by your secret commands to give you, I know not why,
+licence not to listen to I know not what things, which would be
+displeasing to you, on account of the special and peculiar perfection
+of your faculty of hearing everything, which would often pain you."
+
+"'True,' said the shrew-mouse, 'the door has just fallen. I hear
+nothing!'
+
+"'Ah, I see,' said the old rogue.
+
+"And he made for the pile of corn, from which he commenced to take his
+store for the winter.
+
+"'Did you hear anything?' asked he.
+
+"'I hear the pit-a-pat of my heart.'
+
+"'Kouick!' cried all the mice; 'we shall be able to hoodwink him.'
+
+"The shrew-mouse, fancying that he had met with a faithful vassal,
+opened the trap of his musical orifice, and heard the noise of the
+grain going towards the hole. Then, without having recourse to
+forfeiture, the justice of commissaries, he sprang upon the old mouse
+and squeezed him to death. Glorious death! for the hero died in the
+thick of the grain, and was canonised as a martyr. The shrew-mouse
+took him by the ears and placed him on the door the granary, after the
+fashion of the Ottoman Porte, where my good Panurge was within an ace
+of being spitted. At the cries of the dying wretch the rats, mice, and
+others made for their holes in great haste. When the night had fallen
+they came to the cellar, convoked for the purpose of holding a council
+to consider public affairs; to which meeting, in virtue of the
+Papyrian and other laws, their lawful wives were admitted. The rats
+wished to pass before the mice, and serious quarrels about precedence
+nearly spoiled everything; but a big rat gave his arm to a mouse, and
+the gaffer rats and gammer mice being paired off in the same way, all
+were soon seated on their rumps, tails in air, muzzles stretched,
+whiskers stiff, and their eyes brilliant as those of a falcon. Then
+commenced a deliberation, which finished up with insults and a
+confusion worthy of an ecumenical council of holy fathers. One said
+this and another said that, and a cat passing by took fright and ran
+away, hearing these strange noises: 'Bou, bou, grou, ou, ou, houic,
+houic, briff, briffnac, nac, nac, fouix, fouix, trr, trr, trr, trr,
+za, za, zaaa, brr, brr, raaa, ra, ra, ra, fouix!' so well blended
+together in a babel of sound, that a council at the Hotel de Ville
+could not have made a greater hubbub. During this tempest a little
+mouse, who was not old enough to enter parliament, thrust through a
+chink her inquiring snout, the hair on which was as downy as that of
+all mice, too downy to be caught. As the tumult increased, by degrees
+her body followed her nose, until she came to the hoop of a cask,
+against which she so dextrously squatted that she might have been
+mistaken for a work of art carved in antique bas-relief. Lifting his
+eyes to heaven to implore a remedy for the misfortunes of the state,
+an old rat perceived this pretty mouse, so gentle and shapely, and
+declared that the State might be saved by her. All the muzzles turned
+to this Lady of Good Help, became silent, and agreed to let her loose
+upon the shrew-mouse, and in spite of the anger of certain envious
+mice, she was triumphantly marched around the cellar, where, seeing
+her walk mincingly, mechanically move her tail, shake her cunning
+little head, twitch her diaphanous ears, and lick with her little red
+tongue the hairs just sprouting on her cheeks, the old rats fell in
+love with her and wagged their wrinkled, white-whiskered jaws with
+delight at the sight of her, as did formerly the old men of Troy,
+admiring the lovely Helen, returning from her bath. Then the maiden
+was conducted to the granary, with instructions to make a conquest of
+the shrew-mouse's heart, and save the fine red grain, as did formerly
+the fair Hebrew, Esther, for the chosen people, with the Emperor
+Ahasuerus, as is written in the master-book, for Bible comes from the
+Greek word biblos, as if to say the only book. The mouse promised to
+deliver the granaries, for by a lucky chance she was the queen of
+mice, a fair, plump, pretty little mouse, the most delicate little
+lady that ever scampered merrily across the floors, scratched between
+the walls, and gave utterance to little cries of joy at finding nuts,
+meal, and crumbs of bread in her path; a true fay, pretty and playful,
+with an eye clear as crystal, a little head, sleek skin, amorous body,
+rosy feet, and velvet tail--a high born mouse and a polished speaker
+with a natural love of bed and idleness--a merry mouse, more cunning
+than an old Doctor of Sorbonne fed on parchment, lively, white
+bellied, streaked on the back, with sweet moulded breasts, pearl-white
+teeth, and of a frank open nature--in fact, a true king's morsel."
+
+This portraiture was so bold--the mouse appearing to have been the
+living image of Madame Diana, then present--that the courtiers stood
+aghast. Queen Catherine smiled, but the king was in no laughing
+humour. But Rabelais went on without paying any attention to the winks
+of the Cardinal Bellay and de Chatillon, who were terrified for the
+good man.
+
+"The pretty mouse," said he, continuing, "did not beat long about the
+bush, and from the first moment that she trotted before the
+shrew-mouse, she had enslaved him for ever by her coquetries,
+affectations, friskings, provocations, little refusals, piercing
+glances, and wiles of a maiden who desires yet dares not, amorous
+oglings, little caresses, preparatory tricks, pride of a mouse who
+knows her value, laughings and squeakings, triflings and other
+endearments, feminine, treacherous and captivating ways, all traps
+which are abundantly used by the females of all nations. When, after
+many wrigglings, smacks in the face, nose lickings, gallantries of
+amorous shrew-mice, frowns, sighs, serenades, titbits, suppers and
+dinners on the pile of corn, and other attentions, the superintendent
+overcame the scruples of his beautiful mistress, he became the slave
+of this incestuous and illicit love, and the mouse, leading her lord
+by the snout, became queen of everything, nibbled his cheese, ate the
+sweets, and foraged everywhere. This the shrew-mouse permitted to the
+empress of his heart, although he was ill at ease, having broken his
+oath made to Gargantua, and betrayed the confidence placed in him.
+Pursuing her advantage with the pertinacity of a woman, one night they
+were joking together, the mouse remembered the dear old fellow her
+father, and desiring that he should make his meals off the grain, she
+threatened to leave her lover cold and lonely in his domain if he did
+not allow her to indulge her filial piety. In the twinkling of a
+mouse's eye he had granted letters patent, sealed with a green seal,
+with tags of crimson silk, to his wench's father, so that the
+Gargantuan palace was open to him at all hours, and he was at liberty
+see his good, virtuous daughter, kiss her on the forehead, and eat his
+fill, but always in a corner. Then there arrived a venerable old rat,
+weighing about twenty-five ounces, with a white tail, marching like the
+president of a Court of Justice, wagging his head, and followed by
+fifteen or twenty nephews, all with teeth as sharp as saws, who
+demonstrated to the shrew-mouse by little speeches and questions of all
+kinds that they, his relations, would soon be loyally attached to him,
+and would help him to count the things committed to his charge, arrange
+and ticket them, in order that when Gargantua came to visit them he
+would find everything in perfect order. There was an air of truth about
+these promises. The poor shrew-mouse was, however, in spite of this
+speech, troubled by ideas from on high, and serious pricking of
+shrew-mousian conscience. Seeing that he turned up his nose at
+everything, went about slowly and with a careworn face, one morning the
+mouse who was pregnant by him, conceived the idea of calming his doubts
+and easing his mind by a Sorbonnical consultation, and sent for the
+doctors of his tribe. During the day she introduced to him one, Sieur
+Evegault, who had just stepped out of a cheese where he lived in perfect
+abstinence, an old confessor of high degree, a merry fellow of good
+appearance, with a fine black skin, firm as a rock, and slightly
+tonsured on the head by the pat of a cat's claw. He was a grave rat,
+with a monastical paunch, having much studied scientific authorities
+by nibbling at their works in parchments, papers, books and volumes of
+which certain fragments had remained upon his grey beard. In honour of
+and great reverence for his great virtue and wisdom, and his modest
+life, he was accompanied by a black troop of black rats, all bringing
+with them pretty little mice, their sweethearts, for not having
+adopted the canons of the council of Chesil, it was lawful for them to
+have respectable women for concubines. These beneficed rats, being
+arranged in two lines, you might have fancied them a procession of the
+university authorities going to Lendit. And they all began to sniff
+the victuals.
+
+"When the ceremony of placing them all was complete, the old cardinal
+of the rats lifted up his voice, and in a good rat-latin oration
+pointed out to the guardian of the grain that no one but God was
+superior to him; and that to God alone he owed obedience, and he
+entertained him with many fine phrases, stuffed with evangelical
+quotations, to disturb the principal and fog his flock; in fact, fine
+argument interlarded with much sound sense. The discourse finished
+with a peroration full of high sounding words in honour of shrew-mice,
+among whom his hearer was the most illustrious and best beneath the
+sun; and this oration considerably bewildered the keeper of the
+granary.
+
+"This good gentleman's head was thoroughly turned, and he installed
+this fine speaking rat and his tribe in his manor, where night and day
+his praises and little songs in his honour were sung, not forgetting
+his lady, whose little paw was kissed and little tail was sniffed at
+by all. Finally, the mistress, knowing that certain young rats were
+still fasting, determined to finish her work. Then she kissed her lord
+tenderly, loading him with love, and performing those little endearing
+antics of which one alone was sufficient to send a beast to perdition;
+and said to the shrew-mouse that he wasted the precious time due to
+their love by travelling about, that he was always going here or
+there, and that she never had her proper share of him; that when she
+wanted his society, he was on the leads chasing the cats, and that she
+wished him always to be ready to her hand like a lance, and kind as a
+bird. Then in her great grief she tore out a grey hair, declaring
+herself, weepingly, to be the most wretched little mouse in the world.
+The shrew-mouse pointed out to her that she was the mistress of
+everything, and wished to resist, but after the lady had shed a
+torrent of tears he implored a truce and considered her request. Then
+instantly drying her tears, and giving him her paw to kiss, she
+advised him to arm some soldiers, trusty and tried rats, old warriors,
+who would go the rounds to keep watch. Everything was thus wisely
+arranged. The shrew-mouse had the rest of the day to dance, play, and
+amuse himself, listen to the roundelays and ballads which the poets
+composed in his honour, play the lute and the mandore, make acrostics,
+eat, drink and be merry. One day his mistress having just risen from
+her confinement, after having given birth to the sweetest little
+mouse-sorex or sorex-mouse, I know not what name was given to this
+mongrel food of love, whom you may be sure, the gentlemen in the long
+robe would manage to legitimise" (the constable of Montmorency, who
+had married his son to a legitimised bastard of the king's, here put
+his hand to his sword and clutched the handle fiercely), "a grand
+feast was given in the granaries, to which no court festival or gala
+could be compared, not even that of the Field of the Cloth of Gold. In
+every corner mice were making merry. Everywhere there were dances,
+concerts, banquets, sarabands, music, joyous songs, and epithalamia.
+The rats had broken open the pots, and uncovered the jars, lapped the
+gallipots, and unpacked the stores. The mustard was strewn over the
+place, the hams were mangled and the corn scattered. Everything was
+rolling, tumbling, and falling about the floor, and the little rats
+dabbled in puddles of green sauce, the mice navigated oceans of
+sweetmeats, and the old folks carried off the pasties. There were mice
+astride salt tongues. Field-mice were swimming in the pots, and the
+most cunning of them were carrying the corn into their private holes,
+profiting by the confusion to make ample provision for themselves. No
+one passed the quince confection of Orleans without saluting it with
+one nibble, and oftener with two. It was like a Roman carnival. In
+short, anyone with a sharp ear might have heard the frizzling
+frying-pans, the cries and clamours of the kitchens, the crackling of
+their furnaces, the noise of the turnspits, the creaking of baskets,
+the haste of the confectioners, the click of the meat-jacks, and the
+noise of the little feet scampering thick as hail over the floor. It
+was a bustling wedding-feast, where people come and go, footmen,
+stablemen, cooks, musicians, buffoons, where everyone pays compliments
+and makes a noise. In short, so great was the delight that they kept
+up a general wagging of the head to celebrate this eventful night. But
+suddenly there was heard the horrible foot-fall of Gargantua, who was
+ascending the stairs of his house to visit the granaries, and made the
+planks, the beams, and everything else tremble. Certain old rats asked
+each other what might mean this seignorial footstep, with which they
+were unacquainted, and some of them decamped, and they did well, for
+the lord and master entered suddenly. Perceiving the confusion these
+gentleman had made, seeing his preserves eaten, his mustard unpacked,
+and everything dirtied and scratched about, he put his feet upon these
+lively vermin without giving them time to squeak, and thus spoiled
+their best clothes, satins, pearls, velvets, and rubbish, and upset
+the feast."
+
+"And what became of the shrew-mouse?" said the king, waking from his
+reverie.
+
+"Ah, sire!" replied Rabelais, "herein we see the injustice of the
+Gargantuan tribe. He was put to death, but being a gentleman he was
+beheaded. That was ill done, for he had been betrayed."
+
+"You go rather far, my good man," said the king.
+
+"No sire," replied Rabelais, "but rather high. Have you not sunk the
+crown beneath the pulpit? You asked me for a sermon; I have given you
+one which is gospel."
+
+"My fine vicar," said Madame Diana, in his ear, "suppose I were
+spiteful?"
+
+"Madame," said Rabelais, "was it not well then of me to warn the king,
+your master, against the queen's Italians, who are as plentiful here
+as cockchafers?"
+
+"Poor preacher," said Cardinal Odet, in his ear, "go to another
+country."
+
+"Ah! monsieur," replied the old fellow, "ere long I shall be in
+another land."
+
+"God's truth! Mr. Scribbler," said the constable (whose son, as
+everyone knows, had treacherously deserted Mademoiselle de Piennes, to
+whom he was betrothed, to espouse Diana of France, daughter of the
+mistress of certain high personages and of the king), "who made thee
+so bold as to slander persons of quality? Ah, wretched poet, you like
+to raise yourself high; well then, I promise to put you in a good high
+place."
+
+"We shall all go there, my lord constable," replied the old man: "but
+if you are friendly to the state and to the king you will thank me for
+having warned him against the hordes of Lorraine, who are evils that
+will devour everything."
+
+"My good man," whispered Cardinal Charles of Lorraine, "if you need a
+few gold crowns to publish your fifth book of Pantagruel you can come
+to me for them, because you have put the case clearly to the enemy,
+who has bewitched the king, and also to her pack."
+
+"Well, gentlemen," said the king, "what do you think of the sermon?"
+
+"Sire," said Mellin de Saint-Gelais, seeing that all were well
+pleased, "I had never heard a better Pantagruelian prognostication.
+Much do we owe to him who made these leonine verses in the Abbey of
+Theleme:--
+
+
+  '"Cy vous entrez, qui le saint Evangile
+    En sens agile annoncez, quoy qu'on gronde,
+    Ceans aurez une refuge et bastile,
+    Contre l'hostile erreur qui tant postille
+    Par son faux style empoisonner le monde.'"
+
+ ['"Should ye who enter here profess in jubilation
+    Our gospel of elation, then suffer dolts to curse!
+    Here refuge shall ye find, and sure circumvallation
+    Against the protestation of those whose delectation
+    Brings false abomination to blight the universe.'"]
+
+
+All the courtiers having applauded their companion, each one
+complimented Rabelais, who took his departure accompanied with great
+honour by the king's pages, who, by express command held torches
+before him.
+
+Some persons have charged Francis Rabelais, the imperial honour of our
+land, with spiteful tricks and apish pranks, unworthy of his Homeric
+philosophy, of this prince of wisdom of this fatherly centre, from
+which have issued since the rising of his subterranean light a good
+number of marvellous works. Out upon those who would defile this
+divine head! All their life long may they find grit between their
+teeth, those who have ignored his good and moderate nourishment.
+
+Dear drinker of pure water, faithful servant or monachal abstinence,
+wisest of wise men, how would thy sides ache with laughter, how
+wouldst thou chuckle, if thou couldst come again for a little while to
+Chinon, and read the idiotic mouthings, and the maniacal babble of the
+fools who have interpreted, commentated, torn, disgraced,
+misunderstood, betrayed, defiled, adulterated and meddled with thy
+peerless book. As many dogs as Panurge found busy with his lady's robe
+at church, so many two-legged academic puppies have busied themselves
+with befouling the high marble pyramid in which is cemented for ever
+the seed of all fantastic and comic inventions, besides magnificent
+instruction in all things. Although rare are the pilgrims who have the
+breath to follow thy bark in its sublime peregrination through the
+ocean of ideas, methods, varieties, religions, wisdom, and human
+trickeries, at least their worship is unalloyed, pure, and
+unadulterated, and thine omnipotence, omniscience, and omni-language
+are by them bravely recognised. Therefore has a poor son of our merry
+Touraine here been anxious, however unworthily, to do thee homage by
+magnifying thine image, and glorifying the works of eternal memory, so
+cherished by those who love the concentrative works wherein the
+universal moral is contained, wherein are found, pressed like sardines
+in their boxes, philosophical ideas on every subject, science, art and
+eloquence, as well as theatrical mummeries.
+
+
+
+                            THE SUCCUBUS
+
+
+Prologue
+
+A number of persons of the noble country of Touraine, considerably
+edified by the warm search which the author is making into the
+antiquities, adventures, good jokes, and pretty tales of that blessed
+land, and believing for certain that he should know everything, have
+asked him (after drinking with him of course understood), if he had
+discovered the etymological reason, concerning which all the ladies of
+the town are so curious, and from which a certain street in Tours is
+called the Rue Chaude. By him it was replied, that he was much
+astonished to see that the ancient inhabitants had forgotten the great
+number of convents situated in this street, where the severe
+continence of the monks and nuns might have caused the walls to be
+made so hot that some woman of position should increase in size from
+walking too slowly along them to vespers. A troublesome fellow,
+wishing to appear learned, declared that formerly all the
+scandalmongers of the neighbourhood were wont to meet in this place.
+Another entangled himself in the minute suffrages of science, and
+poured forth golden words without being understood, qualifying words,
+harmonising the melodies of the ancient and modern, congregating
+customs, distilling verbs, alchemising all languages since the Deluge,
+of the Hebrew, Chaldeans, Egyptians, Greeks, Latins, and of Turnus,
+the ancient founder of Tours; and the good man finished by declaring
+that chaude or chaulde with the exception of the H and the L, came
+from Cauda, and that there was a tail in the affair, but the ladies
+only understood the end of it. An old man observed that in this same
+place was formerly a source of thermal water, of which his great great
+grandfather had drunk. In short, in less time than it takes a fly to
+embrace its sweetheart, there had been a pocketful of etymologies, in
+which the truth of the matter had been less easily found than a louse
+in the filthy beard of a Capuchin friar. But a man well learned and
+well informed, through having left his footprint in many monasteries,
+consumed much midnight oil, and manured his brain with many a volume
+--himself more encumbered with pieces, dyptic fragments, boxes,
+charters, and registers concerning the history of Touraine than is a
+gleaner with stalks of straw in the month of August--this man, old,
+infirm, and gouty, who had been drinking in his corner without saying
+a word, smiled the smile of a wise man and knitted his brows, the said
+smile finally resolving itself into a pish! well articulated, which
+the Author heard and understood it to be big with an adventure
+historically good, the delights of which he would be able to unfold in
+this sweet collection.
+
+To be brief, on the morrow this gouty old fellow said to him, "By your
+poem, which is called 'The Venial Sin,' you have forever gained my
+esteem, because everything therein is true from head to foot--which I
+believe to be a precious superabundance in such matters. But doubtless
+you do not know what became of the Moor placed in religion by the said
+knight, Bruyn de la Roche-Corbon. I know very well. Now if this
+etymology of the street harass you, and also the Egyptian nun, I will
+lend you a curious and antique parchment, found by me in the Olim of
+the episcopal palace, of which the libraries were a little knocked
+about at a period when none of us knew if he would have the pleasure
+of his head's society on the morrow. Now will not this yield you a
+perfect contentment?"
+
+"Good!" said the author.
+
+Then this worthy collector of truths gave certain rare and dusty
+parchments to the author, the which he has, not without great labour,
+translated into French, and which were fragments of a most ancient
+ecclesiastical process. He has believed that nothing would be more
+amusing than the actual resurrection of this antique affair, wherein
+shines forth the illiterate simplicity of the good old times. Now,
+then, give ear. This is the order in which were the manuscripts, of
+which the author has made use in his own fashion, because the language
+was devilishly difficult.
+
+
+I
+WHAT THE SUCCUBUS WAS.
+
+_In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen._
+
+In the year of our Lord, one thousand two hundred and seventy-one,
+before me, Hierome Cornille, grand inquisitor and ecclesiastical judge
+(thereto commissioned by the members of the chapter of Saint Maurice,
+the cathedral of Tours, having of this deliberated in the presence of
+our Lord Jean de Montsoreau, archbishop--namely, the grievances and
+complaints of the inhabitants of the said town, whose request is here
+subjoined), have appeared certain noblemen, citizens, and inhabitants
+of the diocese, who have stated the following facts concerning a demon
+suspected of having taken the features of a woman, who has much
+afflicted the minds of the diocese, and is at present a prisoner in
+the jail of the chapter; and in order to arrive at the truth of the
+said charge we have opened the present court, this Monday, the
+eleventh day of December, after mass, to communicate the evidence of
+each witness to the said demon, to interrogate her upon the said
+crimes to her imputed, and to judge her according to the laws enforced
+_contra demonios_.
+
+In this inquiry has assisted me to write the evidence therein given,
+Guillaume Tournebouche, rubrican of the chapter, a learned man.
+
+
+Firstly has come before us one Jehan, surnamed Tortebras, a citizen of
+Tours, keeping by licence the hostelry of La Cigoyne, situated on the
+Place du Pont, and who has sworn by the salvation of his soul, his
+hand upon the holy Evangelists, to state no other thing than that
+which by himself hath been seen and heard.
+
+He hath stated as here followeth:--
+
+"I declare that about two years before the feast of St. Jehan, upon
+which are the grand illuminations, a gentleman, at first unknown to
+me, but belonging without doubt to our lord the King, and at that time
+returned to our country from the Holy Land, came to me with the
+proposition that I should let to him at rental a certain country-house
+by me built, in the quit rent of the chapter over against the place
+called of St. Etienne, and the which I let to him for nine years, for
+the consideration of three besans of fine gold. In the said house was
+placed by the said knight a fair wench having the appearance of a
+woman, dressed in the strange fashion of the Saracens Mohammedans,
+whom he would allow by none to be seen or to be approached within a
+bow-shot, but whom I have seen with mine own eyes, weird feathers upon
+her head, and eyes so flaming that I cannot adequately describe them,
+and from which gleamed forth a fire of hell. The defunct knight having
+threatened with death whoever should appear to spy about the said
+house, I have by reason of great fear left the said house, and I have
+until this day secretly kept to my mind certain presumptions and
+doubts concerning the bad appearance of the said foreigner, who was
+more strange than any woman, her equal not having as yet by me been
+seen.
+
+"Many persons of all conditions having at the time believed the said
+knight to be dead, but kept upon his feet by virtue of the said
+charms, philters, spells, and diabolical sorceries of this seeming
+woman, who wished to settle in our country, I declare that I have
+always seen the said knight so ghastly pale that I can only compare
+his face to the wax of a Paschal candle, and to the knowledge of all
+the people of the hostelry of La Cigoyne, this knight was interred
+nine days after his first coming. According to the statement of his
+groom, the defunct had been chalorously coupled with the said Moorish
+woman during seven whole days shut up in my house, without coming out
+from her, the which I heard him horribly avow upon his deathbed.
+Certain persons at the present time have accused this she-devil of
+holding the said gentleman in her clutches by her long hair, the which
+was furnished with certain warm properties by means of which are
+communicated to Christians the flames of hell in the form of love,
+which work in them until their souls are by this means drawn from
+their bodies and possessed by Satan. But I declare that I have seen
+nothing of this excepting the said dead knight, bowelless, emaciated,
+wishing, in spite of his confessor, still to go to this wench; and
+then he has been recognised as the lord de Bueil, who was a crusader,
+and who was, according to certain persons of the town, under the spell
+of a demon whom he had met in the Asiatic country of Damascus or
+elsewhere.
+
+"Afterwards I have let my house to the said unknown lady, according to
+the clauses of the deed of lease. The said lord of Bueil, being
+defunct, I had nevertheless been into my house in order to learn from
+the said foreign woman if she wished to remain in my dwelling, and
+after great trouble was led before her by a strange, half-naked black
+man, whose eyes were white.
+
+"Then I have seen the said Moorish woman in a little room, shining
+with gold and jewels, lighted with strange lights, upon an Asiatic
+carpet, where she was seated, lightly attired, with another gentleman,
+who was there imperiling his soul; and I had not the heart bold enough
+to look upon her, seeing that her eyes would have incited me
+immediately to yield myself up to her, for already her voice thrilled
+into my very belly, filled my brain, and debauched my mind. Finding
+this, from the fear of God, and also of hell, I have departed with
+swift feet, leaving my house to her as long as she liked to retain it,
+so dangerous was it to behold that Moorish complexion from which
+radiated diabolical heats, besides a foot smaller than it was lawful
+in a real woman to possess; and to hear her voice, which pierced into
+one's heart! And from that day I have lacked the courage to enter my
+house from great fear of falling into hell. I have said my say."
+
+To the said Tortebras we have then shown an Abyssinian, Nubian or
+Ethiopian, who, black from head to foot, had been found wanting in
+certain virile properties with which all good Christians are usually
+furnished, who, having persevered in his silence, after having been
+tormented and tortured many times, not without much moaning, has
+persisted in being unable to speak the language of our country. And
+the said Tortebras has recognised the said Abyss heretic as having
+been in his house in company with the said demoniacal spirit, and is
+suspected of having lent his aid to her sorcery.
+
+And the said Tortebras has confessed his great faith in the Catholic
+religion, and declared no other things to be within his knowledge save
+certain rumours which were known to every one, of which he had been in
+no way a witness except in the hearing of them.
+
+
+In obedience to the citations served upon him, has appeared then,
+Matthew, surname Cognefestu, a day-labourer of St. Etienne, whom,
+after having sworn by the holy Evangelists to speak the truth, has
+confessed to us always to have seen a bright light in the dwelling of
+the said foreign woman, and heard much wild and diabolical laughter on
+the days and nights of feasts and fasts, notably during the days of
+the holy and Christmas weeks, as if a great number of people were in
+the house. And he has sworn to have seen by the windows of the said
+dwellings, green buds of all kinds in the winter, growing as if by
+magic, especially roses in a time of frost, and other things for which
+there was a need of a great heat; but of this he was in no way
+astonished, seeing that the said foreigner threw out so much heat that
+when she walked in the evening by the side of his wall he found on the
+morrow his salad grown; and on certain occasions she had by the
+touching of her petticoats, caused the trees to put forth leaves and
+hasten the buds. Finally, the said, Cognefestu has declared to us to
+know no more, because he worked from early morning, and went to bed at
+the same hour as the fowls.
+
+Afterwards the wife of the aforesaid Cognefestu has by us been
+required to state also upon oath the things come to her cognisance in
+this process, and has avowed naught save praises of the said
+foreigner, because since her coming her man had treated her better in
+consequence of the neighbourhood of this good lady, who filled the air
+with love, as the sun did light, and other incongruous nonsense, which
+we have not committed to writing.
+
+To the said Cognefestu and to his wife we have shown the said unknown
+African, who has been seen by them in the gardens of the house, and is
+stated by them for certain to belong to the said demon. In the third
+place, has advanced Harduin V., lord of Maille, who being by us
+reverentially begged to enlighten the religion of the church, has
+expressed his willingness so to do, and has, moreover, engaged his
+word, as a gallant knight, to say no other thing than that which he
+has seen. Then he has testified to have known in the army of the
+Crusades the demon in question, and in the town of Damascus to have
+seen the knight of Bueil, since defunct, fight at close quarters to be
+her sole possessor. The above-mentioned wench, or demon, belonged at
+that time to the knight Geoffroy IV., Lord of Roche-Pozay, by whom she
+was said to have been brought from Touraine, although she was a
+Saracen; concerning which the knights of France marvelled much, as
+well as at her beauty, which made a great noise and a thousand
+scandalous ravages in the camp. During the voyage this wench was the
+cause of many deaths, seeing that Roche-Pozay had already discomfited
+certain Crusaders, who wished to keep her to themselves, because she
+shed, according to certain knights petted by her in secret, joys
+around her comparable to none others. But in the end the knight of
+Bueil, having killed Geoffroy de la Roche-Pozay, became lord and
+master of this young murderess, and placed her in a convent, or harem,
+according to the Saracen custom. About this time one used to see her
+and hear her chattering as entertainment many foreign dialects, such
+as the Greek or the Latin empire, Moorish, and, above all, French
+better than any of those who knew the language of France best in the
+Christian host, from which sprang the belief that she was demoniacal.
+
+The said knight Harduin has confessed to us not to have tilted for her
+in the Holy Land, not from fear, coldness or other cause, so much as
+that he believed the time had arrived for him to bear away a portion
+of the true cross, and also he had belonging to him a noble lady of
+the Greek country, who saved him from this danger in denuding him of
+love, morning and night, seeing that she took all of it substantially
+from him, leaving him none in his heart or elsewhere for others.
+
+And the said knight has assured us that the woman living in the
+country house of Tortebras, was really the said Saracen woman, come
+into the country from Syria, because he had been invited to a midnight
+feast at her house by the young Lord of Croixmare, who expired the
+seventh day afterwards, according to the statement of the Dame de
+Croixmare, his mother, ruined all points by the said wench, whose
+commerce with him had consumed his vital spirit, and whose strange
+phantasies had squandered his fortune.
+
+Afterwards questioned in his quality of a man full of prudence, wisdom
+and authority in this country, upon the ideas entertained concerning
+the said woman, and summoned by us to open his conscience, seeing that
+it was a question of a most abominable case of Christian faith and
+divine justice, answer has been made by the said knight:--
+
+That by certain of the host of Crusaders it has been stated to him
+that always this she-devil was a maid to him who embraced her, and
+that Mammon was for certain occupied in her, making for her a new
+virtue for each of her lovers, and a thousand other foolish sayings of
+drunken men, which were not of a nature to form a fifth gospel. But
+for a fact, he, an old knight on that turn of life, and knowing
+nothing more of the aforesaid, felt himself again a young man in that
+last supper with which he had been regaled by the lord of Croixmare;
+then the voice of this demon went straight to his heart before flowing
+into his ears, and had awakened so great a love in his body that his
+life was ebbing from the place whence it should flow, and that
+eventually, but for the assistance of Cyprus wine, which he had drunk
+to blind his sight, and his getting under the table in order no longer
+to gaze upon the fiery eyes of his diabolical hostess, and not to rend
+his heart from her, without doubt he would have fought the young
+Croixmare, in order to enjoy for a single moment this supernatural
+woman. Since then he had had absolution from his confessor for the
+wicked thought. Then, by advice from on high, he had carried back to
+his house his portion of the true Cross, and had remained in his own
+manor, where, in spite of his Christian precautions, the said voice
+still at certain times tickled his brain, and in the morning often had
+he in remembrance this demon, warm as brimstone; and because the look
+of this wench was so warm that it made him burn like a young man, be
+half dead, and because it cost him then many transshipments of the
+vital spirit, the said knight has requested us not to confront him
+with the empress of love to whom, if it were not the devil, God the
+Father had granted strange liberties with the minds of men.
+Afterwards, he retired, after reading over his statement, not without
+having first recognised the above-mentioned African to be the servant
+and page of the lady.
+
+
+In the fourth place, upon the faith pledged in us in the name of the
+Chapter and of our Lord Archbishop, that he should not be tormented,
+tortured, nor harassed in any manner, nor further cited after his
+statement, in consequence of his commercial journeys, and upon the
+assurance that he should retire in perfect freedom, has come before us
+a Jew, Salomon al Rastchid, who, in spite of the infamy of his person
+and his Judaism, has been heard by us to this one end, to know
+everything concerning the conduct of the aforesaid demon. Thus he has
+not been required to take any oath this Salomon, seeing that he is
+beyond the pale of the Church, separated from us by the blood of our
+saviour (trucidatus Salvatore inter nos). Interrogated by us as to why
+he appeared without the green cap upon his head, and the yellow wheel
+in the apparent locality of the heart in his garment, according to the
+ecclesiastical and royal ordinances, the said de Rastchid has
+exhibited to us letters patent of the seneschal of Touraine and
+Poitou. Then the said Jew has declared to us to have done a large
+business for the lady dwelling in the house of the innkeeper
+Tortebras, to have sold to her golden chandeliers, with many branches,
+minutely engraved, plates of red silver, cups enriched with stones,
+emeralds and rubies; to have brought for her from the Levant a number
+of rare stuffs, Persian carpets, silks, and fine linen; in fact,
+things so magnificent that no queen in Christendom could say she was
+so well furnished with jewels and household goods; and that he had for
+his part received from her three hundred thousand pounds for the
+rarity of the purchases in which he had been employed, such as Indian
+flowers, poppingjays, birds' feathers, spices, Greek wines, and
+diamonds. Requested by us, the judge, to say if he had furnished
+certain ingredients of magical conjuration, the blood of new-born
+children, conjuring books, and things generally and whatsoever made
+use of by sorcerers, giving him licence to state his case without that
+thereupon he should be the subject to any further inquest or inquiry,
+the said al Rastchid has sworn by his Hebrew faith never to have had
+any such commerce; and has stated that he was involved in too high
+interests to give himself to such miseries, seeing that he was the
+agent of certain most powerful lords, such as the Marquis de
+Montferrat, the King of England, the King of Cyprus and Jerusalem, the
+Court of Provence, lords of Venice, and many German gentleman; to have
+belonging to him merchant galleys of all kinds, going into Egypt with
+the permission of the Sultan, and he trafficking in precious articles
+of silver and of gold, which took him often into the exchange of
+Tours. Moreover, he has declared that he considered the said lady, the
+subject of inquiry, to be a right royal and natural woman, with the
+sweetest limbs, and the smallest he has ever seen. That in consequence
+of her renown for a diabolical spirit, pushed by a wild imagination,
+and also because that he was smitten with her, he had heard once that
+she was husbandless, proposed to her to be her gallant, to which
+proposition she willingly acceded. Now, although from that night he
+felt his bones disjointed and his bowels crushed, he had not yet
+experienced, as certain persons say, that who once yielded was free no
+more; he went to his fate as lead into the crucible of the alchemist.
+Then the said Salomon, to whom we have granted his liberty according
+to the safe conduct, in spite of the statement, which proves
+abundantly his commerce with the devil, because he had been saved
+there where all Christians have succumbed, has admitted to us an
+agreement concerning the said demon. To make known that he had made an
+offer to the chapter of the cathedral to give for the said semblance
+of a woman such a ransom, if she were condemned to be burned alive,
+that the highest of the towers of the Church of St. Maurice, at
+present in course of construction, could therewith be finished.
+
+The which we have noted to be deliberated upon at an opportune time by
+the assembled chapter. And the said Salomon has taken his departure
+without being willing to indicate his residence, and has told us that
+he can be informed of the deliberation of the chapter by a Jew of the
+synagogue of Tours, a name Tobias Nathaneus. The said Jew has before
+his departure been shown the African, and has recognised him as the
+page of the demon, and has stated the Saracens to have the custom of
+mutilating their slaves thus, to commit to them the task of guarding
+their women by an ancient usage, as it appears in the profane
+histories of Narsez, general of Constantinople, and others.
+
+On the morrow after mass has appeared before us the most noble and
+illustrious lady of Croixmare. The same has worn her faith in the holy
+Evangelists, and has related to us with tears how she had placed her
+eldest son beneath the earth, dead by reason of his extravagant amours
+with this female demon. The which noble gentleman was three-and-twenty
+years of age; of good complexion, very manly and well bearded like his
+defunct sire. Notwithstanding his great vigour, in ninety days he had
+little by little withered, ruined by his commerce with the succubus of
+the Rue Chaude, according to the statement of the common people; and
+her maternal authority over the son had been powerless. Finally in his
+latter days he appeared like a poor dried up worm, such as
+housekeepers meet with in a corner when they clean out the
+dwelling-rooms. And always, so long as he had the strength to go, he
+went to shorten his life with this cursed woman; where, also, he
+emptied his cash-box. When he was in his bed, and knew his last hour
+had come, he swore at, cursed, and threatened and heaped upon all--his
+sister, his brother, and upon her his mother--a thousand insults,
+rebelled in the face of the chaplain; denied God, and wished to die in
+damnation; at which were much afflicted the retainers of the family,
+who, to save his soul and pluck it from hell, have founded two annual
+masses in the cathedral. And in order to have him buried in consecrated
+ground, the house of Croixmare has undertaken to give to the chapter,
+during one hundred years, the wax candles for the chapels and the
+church, upon the day of the Paschal feast. And, in conclusion, saving
+the wicked words heard by the reverend person, Dom Loys Pot, a nun of
+Marmoustiers, who came to assist in his last hours the said Baron de
+Croixmaire affirms never to have heard any words offered by the
+defunct, touching the demon who had undone him.
+
+And therewith has retired the noble and illustrious lady in deep
+mourning.
+
+
+In the sixth place has appeared before us, after adjournment,
+Jacquette, called Vieux-Oing, a kitchen scullion, going to houses to
+wash dishes, residing at present in the Fishmarket, who, after having
+placed her word to say nothing she did not hold to be true, has
+declared as here follows:--Namely, that one day she, being come into
+the kitchen of the said demon, of whom she had no fear, because she
+was wont to regale herself only upon males, she had the opportunity of
+seeing in the garden this female demon, superbly attired, walking in
+company with a knight, with whom she was laughing, like a natural
+woman. Then she had recognised in this demon that true likeness of the
+Moorish woman placed as a nun in the convent of Notre Dame de
+l'Egrignolles by the defunct seneschal of Touraine and Poitou, Messire
+Bruyn, Count of Roche-Corbon, the which Moorish woman had been left in
+the situation and place of the image of our Lady the Virgin, the
+mother of our Blessed Saviour, stolen by the Egyptians about eighteen
+years since. Of this time, in consequence of the troubles come about
+in Touraine, no record has been kept. This girl, aged about twelve
+years, was saved from the stake at which she would have been burned by
+being baptised; and the said defunct and his wife had then been
+godfather and godmother to this child of hell. Being at that time
+laundress at the convent, she who bears witness has remembrance of the
+flight which the said Egyptian took twenty months after her entry into
+the convent, so subtilely that it has never been known how or by what
+means she escaped. At that time it was thought by all, that with the
+devil's aid she had flown away in the air, seeing that not
+withstanding much search, no trace of her flight was found in the
+convent, where everything remained in its accustomed order.
+
+The African having been shown to the said scullion, she has declared
+not to have seen him before, although she was curious to do so, as he
+was commissioned to guard the place in which the Moorish woman
+combated with those whom she drained through the spigot.
+
+
+In the seventh place has been brought before us Hugues de Fou, son of
+the Sieur de Bridore, who, aged twenty years, has been placed in the
+hands of his father, under caution of his estates, and by him is
+represented in this process, whom it concerns if should be duly
+attained and convicted of having, assisted by several unknown and bad
+young men, laid siege to the jail of the archbishop and of the
+chapter, and of having lent himself to disturb the force of
+ecclesiastical justice, by causing the escape of the demon now under
+consideration. In spite of the evil disposition we have commanded the
+said Hugues de Fou to testify truly, touching the things he should
+know concerning the said demon, with whom he is vehemently reputed to
+have had commerce, pointing out to him that it was a question of his
+salvation and of the life of the said demon. He, after having taken
+the oath, he said:--
+
+"I swear by my eternal salvation, and by the holy Evangelists here
+present under my hand, to hold the woman suspected of being a demon to
+be an angel, a perfect woman, and even more so in mind than in body,
+living in all honesty, full of the migniard charms and delights of
+love, in no way wicked, but most generous, assisting greatly the poor
+and suffering. I declare that I have seen her weeping veritable tears
+for the death of my friend, the knight of Croixmare. And because on
+that day she had made a vow to our Lady the Virgin no more to receive
+the love of young noblemen too weak in her service; she has to me
+constantly and with great courage denied the enjoyment of her body,
+and has only granted to me love, and the possession of her heart, of
+which she has made sovereign. Since this gracious gift, in spite of my
+increasing flame I have remained alone in her dwelling, where I have
+spent the greater part of my days, happy in seeing and in hearing her.
+Oh! I would eat near her, partake of the air which entered into her
+lungs, of the light which shone in her sweet eyes, and found in this
+occupation more joy than have the lords of paradise. Elected by me to
+be forever my lady, chosen to be one day my dove, my wife, and only
+sweetheart, I, poor fool, have received from her no advances on the
+joys of the future, but, on the contrary, a thousand virtuous
+admonitions; such as that I should acquire renown as a good knight,
+become a strong man and a fine one, fear nothing except God; honour
+the ladies, serve but one and love them in memory of that one; that
+when I should be strengthened by the work of war, if her heart still
+pleased mine, at that time only would she be mine, because she would
+be able to wait for me, loving me so much."
+
+So saying the young Sire Hugues wept, and weeping, added:--
+
+"That thinking of this graceful and feeble woman, whose arms seemed
+scarcely large enough to sustain the light weight of her golden
+chains, he did not know how to contain himself while fancying the
+irons which would wound her, and the miseries with which she would
+traitorously be loaded, and from this cause came his rebellion. And
+that he had licence to express his sorrow before justice, because his
+life was so bound up with that of his delicious mistress and
+sweetheart that on the day when evil came to her he would surely die."
+
+And the same young man has vociferated a thousand other praises of the
+said demon, which bear witness to the vehement sorcery practised upon
+him, and prove, moreover, the abominable, unalterable, and incurable
+life and the fraudulent witcheries to which he is at present subject,
+concerning which our lord the archbishop will judge, in order to save
+by exorcisms and penitences this young soul from the snares of hell,
+if the devil has not gained too strong a hold of it.
+
+Then we have handed back the said young nobleman into the custody of
+the noble lord his father, after that by the said Hugues, the African
+has been recognised as the servant of the accused.
+
+
+In the eighth place, before us, have the footguards of our lord the
+archbishop led in great state the MOST HIGH AND REVEREND LADY
+JACQUELINE DE CHAMPCHEVRIER, ABBESS OF THE CONVENT OF NOTRE-DAME,
+under the invocation of Mount Carmel, to whose control has been
+submitted by the late seneschal of Touraine, father of Monseigneur the
+Count of Roche-Corbon, present advocate of the said convent, the
+Egyptian, named at the baptismal font Blanche Bruyn.
+
+To the said abbess we have shortly stated the present cause, in which
+is involved the holy church, the glory of God, and the eternal future
+of the people of the diocese afflicted with a demon, and also the life
+of a creature who it was possible might be quite innocent. Then the
+cause elaborated, we have requested the said noble abbess to testify
+that which was within her knowledge concerning the magical
+disappearance of her daughter in God, Blanche Bruyn, espoused by our
+Saviour under the name of Sister Clare.
+
+Then has stated the very high, very noble, and very illustrious lady
+abbess as follows:--
+
+"The Sister Clare, of origin to her unknown, but suspected to be of an
+heretic father and mother, people inimical to God, has truly been
+placed in religion in the convent of which the government had
+canonically come to her in spite of her unworthiness; that the said
+sister had properly concluded her noviciate, and made her vows
+according to the holy rule of the order. That the vows taken, she had
+fallen into great sadness, and had much drooped. Interrogated by her,
+the abbess, concerning her melancholy malady, the said sister had
+replied with tears that she herself did not know the cause. That one
+thousand and one tears engendered themselves in her at feeling no more
+her splendid hair upon her head; that besides this she thirsted for
+air, and could not resist her desire to jump up into the trees, to
+climb and tumble about according to her wont during her open air life;
+that she passed her nights in tears, dreaming of the forests under the
+leaves of which in other days she slept; and in remembrance of this
+she abhorred the quality of the air of the cloisters, which troubled
+her respiration; that in her inside she was troubled with evil
+vapours; that at times she was inwardly diverted in church by thoughts
+which made her lose countenance. Then I have repeated over and over
+again to the poor creature the holy directions of the church, have
+reminded her of the eternal happiness which women without seeing enjoy
+in paradise, and how transitory was life here below, and certain the
+goodness of God, who for first certain bitter pleasures lost, kept for
+us a love without end. Is spite of this wise maternal advice the evil
+spirit has persisted in the said sister; and always would she gaze
+upon the leaves of the trees and grass of the meadows through the
+windows of the church during the offices and times of prayer; and
+persisted in becoming as white as linen in order that she might stay
+in her bed, and at certain times she would run about the cloisters
+like a goat broken loose from its fastening. Finally, she had grown
+thin, lost much of the great beauty, and shrunk away to nothing. While
+in this condition by us, the abbess her mother, was she placed in the
+sick-room, we daily expecting her to die. One winter's morning the
+said sister had fled, without leaving any trace of her steps, without
+breaking the door, forcing of locks, or opening of windows, nor any
+sign whatever of the manner of her passage; a frightful adventure
+which was believed to have taken place by the aid of the demon which
+has annoyed and tormented her. For the rest it was settled by the
+authorities of the metropolitan church that the mission of this
+daughter of hell was to divert the nuns from their holy ways, and
+blinded by their perfect lives, she had returned through the air on
+the wings of the sorcerer, who had left her for mockery of our holy
+religion in the place of our Virgin Mary."
+
+The which having said, the lady abbess was, with great honour and
+according to the command of our lord the archbishop, accompanied as
+far as the convent of Carmel.
+
+
+In the ninth place, before us has come, agreeably to the citation
+served upon him, Joseph, called Leschalopier, a money-changer, living
+on the bridge at the sign of the Besant d'Or, who, after having
+pledged his Catholic faith to say no other thing than the truth, and
+that known to him, touching the process before the ecclesiastical
+tribunal, has testified as follows:--"I am a poor father, much
+afflicted by the sacred will of God. Before the coming of the Succubus
+of the Rue Chaude, I had, for all good, a son as handsome as a noble,
+learned as a clerk, and having made more than a dozen voyages into
+foreign lands; for the rest a good Catholic; keeping himself on guard
+against the needles of love, because he avoided marriage, knowing
+himself to be the support of my old days, the love for my eyes, and
+the constant delight of my heart. He was a son of whom the King of
+France might have been proud--a good and courageous man, the light on
+my commerce, the joy of my roof, and, above all, an inestimable
+blessing, seeing that I am alone in the world, having had the
+misfortune to lose my wife, and being too old to take another. Now,
+monseigneur, this treasure without equal has been taken from me, and
+cast into hell by the demon. Yes, my lord judge, directly he beheld
+this mischievous jade, this she-devil, in whom it is a whole workshop
+of perdition, a conjunction of pleasure and delectation, and whom
+nothing can satiate, my poor child stuck himself fast into the gluepot
+of love, and afterwards lived only between the columns of Venus, and
+there did not live long, because in that place like so great a heat
+that nothing can satisfy the thirst of this gulf, not even should you
+plunge therein the germs of the entire world. Alas! then, my poor boy
+--his fortune, his generative hopes, his eternal future, his entire
+self, more than himself, have been engulfed in this sewer, like a
+grain of corn in the jaws of a bull. By this means become an old
+orphan I, who speak, shall have no greater joy than to see burning,
+this demon, nourished with blood and gold. This Arachne who has drawn
+out and sucked more marriages, more families in the seed, more hearts,
+more Christians then there are lepers in all the lazar houses or
+Christendom. Burn, torment this fiend--this vampire who feeds on
+souls, this tigerish nature that drinks blood, this amorous lamp in
+which burns the venom of all the vipers. Close this abyss, the bottom
+of which no man can find.... I offer my deniers to the chapter for the
+stake, and my arm to light the fire. Watch well, my lord judge, to
+surely guard this devil, seeing that she has a fire more flaming than
+all other terrestrial fires; she has all the fire of hell in her, the
+strength of Samson in her hair, and the sound of celestial music in
+her voice. She charms to kill the body and the soul at one stroke; she
+smiles to bite, she kisses to devour; in short, she would wheedle an
+angel, and make him deny his God. My son! my son! where is he at this
+hour? The flower of my life--a flower cut by this feminine needlecase
+as with scissors. Ha, lord! why have I been called? Who will give me
+back my son, whose soul has been absorbed by a womb which gives death
+to all, and life to none? The devil alone copulates, and engenders
+not. This is my evidence, which I pray Master Tournebouche to write
+without omitting one iota, and to grant me a schedule, that I may tell
+it to God every evening in my prayer, to this end to make the blood of
+the innocent cry aloud into His ears, and to obtain from His infinite
+mercy the pardon for my son."
+
+
+Here followed twenty and seven other statements, of which the
+transcription in their true objectivity, in all their quality of space
+would be over-fastidious, would draw to a great length, and divert the
+thread of this curious process--a narrative which, according to
+ancient precepts, should go straight to the fact, like a bull to his
+principal office. Therefore, here is, in a few words, the substance of
+these testimonies.
+
+A great number of good Christians, townsmen and townswomen,
+inhabitants of the noble town of Tours, testified the demon to have
+held every day wedding feasts and royal festivities, never to have
+been seen in any church, to have cursed God, to have mocked the
+priests, never to have crossed herself in any place; to have spoken
+all the languages of the earth--a gift which has only been granted by
+God to the blessed Apostles; to have been many times met in the
+fields, mounted upon an unknown animal who went before the clouds; not
+to grow old, and to have always a youthful face; to have received the
+father and the son on the same day, saying that her door sinned not;
+to have visible malign influences which flowed from her, for that a
+pastrycook, seated on a bench at her door, having perceived her one
+evening, received such a gust of warm love that, going in and getting
+to bed, he had with great passion embraced his wife, and was found
+dead on the morrow, that the old men of the town went to spend the
+remainder of their days and of their money with her, to taste the joys
+of the sins of their youth, and that they died like fleas on their
+bellies, and that certain of them, while dying, became as black as
+Moors; that this demon never allowed herself to be seen neither at
+dinner, nor at breakfast, nor at supper, but ate alone, because she
+lived upon human brains; that several had seen her during the night go
+to the cemeteries, and there embrace the young dead men, because she
+was not able to assuage otherwise the devil who worked in her
+entrails, and there raged like a tempest, and from that came the
+astringent biting, nitrous shooting, precipitant, and diabolical
+movements, squeezings, and writhings of love and voluptuousness, from
+which several men had emerged bruised, torn, bitten, pinched and
+crushed; and that since the coming of our Saviour, who had imprisoned
+the master devil in the bellies of the swine, no malignant beast had
+ever been seen in any portion of the earth so mischievous, venomous
+and so clutching; so much so that if one threw the town of Tours into
+this field of Venus, she would there transmute it into the grain of
+cities, and this demon would swallow it like a strawberry.
+
+And a thousand other statements, sayings, and depositions, from which
+was evident in perfect clearness the infernal generation of this
+woman, daughter, sister, niece, spouse, or brother of the devil,
+beside abundant proofs of her evil doing, and of the calamity spread
+by her in all families. And if it were possible to put them here
+conformably with the catalogue preserved by the good man to whom he
+accused the discovery, it would seem like a sample of the horrible
+cries which the Egyptians gave forth on the day of the seventh plague.
+Also this examination has covered with great honour Messire Guillaume
+Tournebouche, by whom are quoted all the memoranda. In the tenth
+vacation was thus closed this inquest, arriving at a maturity of
+proof, furnished with authentic testimony and sufficiently engrossed
+with the particulars, plaints, interdicts, contradictions, charges,
+assignments, withdrawals, confessions public and private, oaths,
+adjournments, appearances and controversies, to which the said demon
+must reply. And the townspeople say everywhere if there were really a
+she-devil, and furnished with internal horns planted in her nature,
+with which she drank the men, and broke them, this woman might swim a
+long time in this sea of writing before being landed safe and sound in
+hell.
+
+
+II
+THE PROCEEDINGS TAKEN RELATIVE TO THIS FEMALE VAMPIRE.
+
+_In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen._
+
+
+In the year of our Lord one thousand two hundred and seventy-one,
+before us, Hierome Cornille, grand penitentiary and ecclesiastical
+judge to this, canonically appointed, have appeared--
+
+The Sire Philippe d'Idre, bailiff of the town and city of Tours and
+province of Touraine, living in his hotel in the Rue de la Rotisserie,
+in Chateauneuf; Master Jehan Ribou, provost of the brotherhood and
+company of drapers, residing on the Quay de Bretaingne, at the image
+of St. Pierre-es-liens; Messire Antoine Jehan, alderman and chief of
+the Brotherhood of Changers, residing in the Place du Pont, at the
+image of St. Mark-counting-tournoise-pounds; Master Martin
+Beaupertuys, captain of the archers of the town residing at the
+castle; Jehan Rabelais, a ships' painter and boat maker residing at
+the port at the isle of St. Jacques, treasurer of the brotherhood of
+the mariners of the Loire; Mark Hierome, called Maschefer, hosier, at
+the sign of Saint-Sebastian, president of the trades council; and
+Jacques, called de Villedomer, master tavern-keeper and vine dresser,
+residing in the High Street, at the Pomme de Pin; to the said Sire
+d'Idre, and to the said citizens, we have read the following petition
+by them, written, signed, and deliberated upon, to be brought under
+the notice of the ecclesiastical tribunal:--
+
+
+PETITION
+
+We, the undersigned, all citizens of Tours, are come into the hotel of
+his worship the Sire d'Idre, bailiff of Touraine, in the absence of
+our mayor, and have requested him to hear our plaints and statements
+concerning the following facts, which we intend to bring before the
+tribunal of the archbishop, the judge of ecclesiastical crimes, to
+whom should be deferred the conduct of the cause which we here
+expose:--
+
+A long time ago there came into this town a wicked demon in the form
+of a woman, who lives in the parish of Saint-Etienne, in the house of
+the innkeeper Tortebras, situated in the quit-rent of the chapter, and
+under the temporal jurisdiction of the archiepiscopal domain. The
+which foreigner carries on the business of a gay woman in a prodigal
+and abusive manner, and with such increase of infamy that she
+threatens to ruin the Catholic faith in this town, because those who
+go to her come back again with their souls lost in every way, and
+refuse the assistance of the Church with a thousand scandalous
+discourses.
+
+Now considering that a great number of those who yielded to her are
+dead, and that arrived in our town with no other wealth than her
+beauty, she has, according to public clamour, infinite riches and
+right royal treasure, the acquisition of which is vehemently
+attributed to sorcery, or at least to robberies committed by the aid
+of magical attractions and her supernaturally amorous person.
+
+Considering that it is a question of the honour and security of our
+families, and that never before has been seen in this country a woman
+wild of body or a daughter of pleasure, carrying on with such mischief
+of vocation of light o' love, and menacing so openly and bitterly the
+life, the savings, the morals, chastity, religion, and the everything
+of the inhabitants of this town;
+
+Considering that there is need of a inquiry into her person, her
+wealth and her deportment, in order to verify if these effects of love
+are legitimate, and to not proceed, as would seem indicated by her
+manners, from a bewitchment of Satan, who often visits Christianity
+under the form of a female, as appears in the holy books, in which it
+is stated that our blessed Saviour was carried away into a mountain,
+from which Lucifer or Astaroth showed him the fertile plains of Judea
+and that in many places have been seen succubi or demons, having the
+faces of women, who, not wishing to return to hell, and having with
+them an insatiable fire, attempt to refresh and sustain themselves by
+sucking in souls;
+
+Considering that in the case of the said woman a thousand proofs of
+diablerie are met with, of which certain inhabitants speak openly, and
+that it is necessary for the repose of the said woman that the matter
+be sifted, in order that she shall not be attacked by certain people,
+ruined by the result of her wickedness;
+
+For these causes we pray that it will please you to submit to our
+spiritual lord, father of this diocese, the most noble and blessed
+archbishop Jehan de Monsoreau, the troubles of his afflicted flock, to
+the end that he may advise upon them.
+
+By doing so you will fulfil the duties of your office, as we do those
+of preservers of the security of this town, each one according to the
+things of which he has charge in his locality.
+
+And we have signed the present, in the year of our Lord one thousand
+two hundred and seventy-one, of All Saints' Day, after mass.
+
+Master Tournebouche having finished the reading of this petition, by
+us, Hierome Cornille, has it been said to the petitioners--
+
+"Gentlemen, do you, at the present time, persist in these statements?
+have you proofs other than those come within your own knowledge, and
+do you undertake to maintain the truth of this before God, before man,
+and before the accused?"
+
+All, with the exception of Master Jehan Rabelais, have persisted in
+their belief, and the aforesaid Rabelais has withdrawn from the
+process, saying that he considered the said Moorish woman to be a
+natural woman and a good wench who had no other fault than that of
+keeping up a very high temperature of love.
+
+Then we, the judge appointed, have, after mature deliberation, found
+matter upon which to proceed in the petition of the aforesaid
+citizens, and have commanded that the woman at present in the jail of
+the chapter shall be proceeded against by all legal methods, as
+written in the canons and ordinances, _contra demonios_. The said
+ordinance, embodied in a writ, shall be published by the town-crier in
+all parts, and with the sound of the trumpet, in order to make it
+known to all, and that each witness may, according to his knowledge,
+be confronted with the said demon, and finally the said accused to be
+provided with a defender, according to custom, and the interrogations,
+and the process to be congruously conducted.
+
+(Signed) HIEROME CORNILLE.
+
+And, lower-down.
+
+TOURNEBOUCHE.
+
+
+In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.
+
+
+In the year of our Lord one thousand two hundred and seventy-one, the
+10th day of February, after mass, by command of us, Hierome Cornille,
+ecclesiastical judge, has been brought from the jail of the chapter
+and led before us the woman taken in the house of the innkeeper
+Tortebras, situated in the domains of the chapter and the cathedral of
+St. Maurice, and are subject to the temporal and seigneurial justice
+of the Archbishop of Tours; besides which, in consequence of the
+nature of the crimes imputed to her, she is liable to the tribunal and
+council of ecclesiastical justice, the which we have made known to
+her, to the end that she should not ignore it.
+
+And after a serious reading, entirely at will understood by her, in
+the first place of the petition of the town, then of the statements,
+plaints, accusations, and proceedings which written in twenty-four
+quires by Master Tournebouche, and are above related, we have, with
+the invocation and assistance of God and the Church, resolved to
+ascertain the truth, first by interrogatories made to the said
+accused.
+
+In the first interrogation we have requested the aforesaid to inform
+us in what land or town she had been born. By her who speaks was it
+answered: "In Mauritania."
+
+We have then inquired: "If she had a father or mother, or any
+relations?" By her who speaks has it been replied: "That she had never
+known them." By us requested to declare her name. By her who speaks
+has been replied: "Zulma," in Arabian tongue.
+
+By us has it been demanded: "Why she spoke our language?" By her who
+speaks has it been said: "Because she had come into this country." By
+us has it been asked: "At what time?" By her who speaks has it been
+replied: "About twelve years."
+
+By us has it been asked: "What age she then was?" By her who speaks
+has it been answered: "Fifteen years or thereabout."
+
+By us has it been said: "Then you acknowledge yourself to be
+twenty-seven years of age?" By her who speaks has it been replied:
+"Yes."
+
+By us has it been said to her: "That she was then the Moorish child
+found in the niche of Madame the Virgin, baptised by the Archbishop,
+held at the font by the late Lord of Roche-Corbon and the Lady of
+Azay, his wife, afterwards by them placed in religion at the convent
+of Mount Carmel, where by her had been made vows of chastity, poverty,
+silence, and the love of God, under the divine assistance of St.
+Clare?" By her who speaks has been said: "That is true."
+
+By us has it been asked her: "If, then, she allowed to be true the
+declarations of the very noble and illustrious lady the abbess of
+Mount Carmel, also the statements of Jacquette, called Vieux-Oing,
+being kitchen scullion?" By the accused has been answered: "These
+words are true in great measure."
+
+Then by us has it been said to her: "Then you are a Christian?" And by
+her who speaks has been answered: "Yes, my father."
+
+Then by us has she been requested to make the sign of the cross, and
+to take holy water from the brush placed by Master Tournebouche in her
+hand; the which having been done, and by us having been witnessed, it
+has been admitted as an indisputable fact, that Zulma, the Moorish
+woman, called in our country Blanche Bruyn, a nun of the convent under
+the invocation of Mount Carmel, there named Sister Clare, and
+suspected to be the false appearance of a woman under which is
+concealed a demon, has in our presence made act of religion and thus
+recognised the justice of the ecclesiastical tribunal.
+
+Then by us have these words been said to her: "My daughter, you are
+vehemently suspected to have had recourse to the devil from the manner
+in which you left the convent, which was supernatural in every way."
+By her who speaks has it been stated, that she at that time gained
+naturally the fields by the street door after vespers, enveloped in
+the robes of Jehan de Marsilis, visitor of the convent, who had hidden
+her, the person speaking, in a little hovel belonging to him, situated
+in the Cupidon Lane, near a tower in the town. That there this said
+priest had to her then speaking, at great length, and most thoroughly
+taught the depths of love, of which she then speaking was before in
+all points ignorant, for which delights she had a great taste, finding
+them of great use. That the Sire d'Amboise having perceived her then
+speaking at the window of this retreat, had been smitten with a great
+love for her. That she loved him more heartily than the monk, and fled
+from the hovel where she was detained for profit of his pleasure by
+Don Marsilis. And then she had gone in great haste to Amboise, the
+castle of the said lord, where she had had a thousand pastimes,
+hunting, and dancing, and beautiful dresses fit for a queen. One day
+the Sire de la Roche-Pozay having been invited by the Sire d'Amboise
+to come and feast and enjoy himself, the Baron d'Amboise had allowed
+him to see her then speaking, as she came out naked from her bath.
+That at this sight the said Sire de la Roche-Pozay having fallen
+violently in love with her, had on the morrow discomfited in single
+combat the Sire d'Amboise, and by great violence, had, is spite of her
+tears, taken her to the Holy Land, where she who was speaking had
+lived the life of a woman well beloved, and had been held in great
+respect on account of her great beauty. That after numerous
+adventures, she who was speaking had returned into this country in
+spite of the apprehensions of misfortune, because such was the will of
+her lord and master, the Baron de Bueil, who was dying of grief in
+Asiatic lands, and desired to return to his patrimonial manor. Now he
+had promised her who was speaking to preserve her from peril. Now she
+who was speaking had faith and belief in him, the more so as she loved
+him very much; but on his arrival in this country, the Sire de Bueil
+was seized with an illness, and died deplorably, without taking any
+remedies, this spite of the fervent requests which she who was
+speaking had addressed to him, but without success, because he hated
+physicians, master surgeons, and apothecaries; and that this was the
+whole truth.
+
+Then by us has it been said to the accused that she then held to be
+true the statements of the good Sire Harduin and of the innkeeper
+Tortebras. By her who speaks has it been replied, that she recognised
+as evidence the greater part, and also as malicious, calumnious, and
+imbecile certain portions.
+
+Then by us has the accused been required to declare if she had had
+pleasure and carnal commerce with all the men, nobles, citizens, and
+others as set forth in the plaints and declarations of the
+inhabitants. To which her who speaks has it been answered with great
+effrontery: "Pleasure, yes! Commerce, I do not know."
+
+By us has it been said to her, that all had died by her acts. By her
+who speaks has it been said that their deaths could not be the result
+of her acts, because she had always refused herself to them, and the
+more she fled from them the more they came and embraced her with
+infinite passion, and that when she who was speaking was taken by them
+she gave herself up to them with all her strength, by the grace of
+God, because she had in that more joy than in anything, and has
+stated, she who speaks, that she avows her secret sentiments solely
+because she had been requested by us to state the whole truth, and
+that she the speaker stood in great fear of the torments of the
+torturers.
+
+Then by us has she been requested to answer, under pain of torture, in
+what state of mind she was when a young nobleman died in consequence
+of his commerce with her. Then by her speaking has it been replied,
+that she remained quite melancholy and wished to destroy herself; and
+prayed God, the Virgin, and the saints to receive her into Paradise,
+because never had she met with any but lovely and good hearts in which
+was no guile, and beholding them die she fell into a great sadness,
+fancying herself to be an evil creature or subject to an evil fate,
+which she communicated like the plague.
+
+Then by us has she been requested to state where she paid her orisons.
+
+By her speaking has it been said that she played in her oratory on her
+knees before God, who according to the Evangelists, sees and hears all
+things and resides in all places.
+
+Then by us has it been demanded why she never frequented the churches,
+the offices, nor the feasts. To this by her speaking has it been
+answered, that those who came to love her had elected the feast days
+for that purpose, and that she speaking did all things to their
+liking.
+
+By us has it been remonstrated that, by so doing, she was submissive
+to man rather than to the commandments of God.
+
+Then by her speaking has it been stated, that for those who loved her
+well she speaking would have thrown herself into a flaming pile, never
+having followed in her love any course but that of nature, and that
+for the weight of the world in gold she would not have lent her body
+or her love to a king who did not love her with his heart, feet, hair,
+forehead, and all over. In short and moreover the speaker had never
+made an act of harlotry in selling one single grain of love to a man
+whom she had not chosen to be hers, and that he who held her in his
+arms one hour or kissed her on the mouth a little, possessed her for
+the remainder of her days.
+
+Then by us has she been requested to state whence preceded the jewels,
+gold plate, silver, precious stones, regal furniture, carpets, et
+cetera, worth 200,000 doubloons, according to the inventory found in
+her residence and placed in the custody of the treasurer of the
+chapter. By the speaker answer has been made, that in us she placed
+all her hopes, even as much as in God, but that she dare not reply to
+this, because it involved the sweetest things of love upon which she
+had always lived. And interpellated anew, the speaker has said that if
+the judge knew with what fervour she held him she loved, with what
+obedience she followed him in good or evil ways, with what study she
+submitted to him, with what happiness she listened to his desires, and
+inhaled the sacred words with which his mouth gratified her, in what
+adoration she held his person, even we, an old judge, would believe
+with her well-beloved, that no sum could pay for this great affection
+which all the men ran after. After the speaker has declared never from
+any man loved by her, to have solicited any present or gift, and that
+she rested perfectly contented to live in their hearts, that she would
+there curl herself up with indestructible and ineffable pleasure,
+finding herself richer with this heart than with anything, and
+thinking of no other thing than to give them more pleasure and
+happiness than she received from them. But in spite of the iterated
+refusals of the speaker her lovers persisted in graciously rewarding
+her. At times one came to her with a necklace of pearls, saying, "This
+is to show my darling that the satin of her skin did not falsely
+appear to me whiter than pearls" and would put it on the speaker's
+neck, kissing her lovingly. The speaker would be angry at these
+follies, but could not refuse to keep a jewel that gave them pleasure
+to see it there where they placed it. Each one had a different fancy.
+At times another liked to tear the precious garments which the speaker
+wore to gratify him; another to deck out the speaker with sapphires on
+her arms, on her legs, on her neck, and in her hair; another to seat
+her on the carpet, clad in silk or black velvet, and to remain for
+days together in ecstasy at the perfections of the speaker the whom
+the things desired by her lovers gave infinite pleasure, because these
+things rendered them quite happy. And the speaker has said, that as we
+love nothing so much as our pleasure, and wish that everything should
+shine in beauty and harmonise, outside as well as inside the heart, so
+they all wished to see the place inhabited by the speaker adorned with
+handsome objects, and from this idea all her lovers were pleased as
+much as she was in spreading thereabout gold, silks and flowers. Now
+seeing that these lovely things spoil nothing, the speaker had no
+force or commandment by which to prevent a knight, or even a rich
+citizen beloved by her, having his will, and thus found herself
+constrained to receive rare perfumes and other satisfaction with which
+the speaker was loaded, and that such was the source of the gold,
+plate, carpets, and jewels seized at her house by the officers of
+justice. This terminates the first interrogation made to the said
+Sister Clare, suspected to be a demon, because we the judge and
+Guillaume Tournebouche, are greatly fatigued with having the voice of
+the aforesaid, in our ears, and finding our understanding in every way
+muddled.
+
+By us the judge has the second interrogatory been appointed, three
+days from to-day, in order that the proofs of the possession and
+presence of the demon in the body of the aforesaid may be sought, and
+the accused, according to the order of the judge, has been taken back
+to the jail under the conduct of Master Guillaume Tournebouche.
+
+
+In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.
+
+
+On the thirteenth day following of the said month of the February
+before us, Hierome Cornille, et cetera, has been produced the Sister
+Clare above-mentioned, in order to be interrogated upon the facts and
+deeds to her imputed, and of them to be convicted.
+
+By us, the judge, has it been said to the accused that, looking at the
+divers responses by her given to the proceeding interrogatories, it
+was certain that it never had been in the power of a simple woman,
+even if she were authorised, if such licence were allowed to lead the
+life of a loose woman, to give pleasure to all, to cause so many
+deaths, and to accomplish sorceries so perfect, without the assistance
+of a special demon lodged in her body, and to whom her soul had been
+sold by an especial compact. That it had been clearly demonstrated
+that under her outward appearance lies and moves a demon, the author
+of these evils, and that she was now called upon to declare at what
+age she had received the demon, to vow the agreement existing between
+herself and him, and to tell the truth concerning their common evil
+doings. By the speaker was it replied that she would answer us, man,
+as to God, who would be judge of all of us. Then has the speaker
+pretended never to have seen the demon, neither to have spoken with
+him, nor in any way to desire to see him; never to have led the life
+of a courtesan, because she, the speaker, had never practised the
+various delights that love invents, other than those furnished by the
+pleasure which the Sovereign Creator has put in the thing, and to have
+always been incited more from the desire of being sweet and good to
+the dear lord loved by her, then by an incessantly raging desire. But
+if such had been her inclination, the speaker begged us to bear in
+mind that she was a poor African girl, in whom God had placed very hot
+blood, and in her brain so easy an understanding of the delights of
+love, that if a man only looked at her she felt greatly moved in her
+heart. That if from desire of acquaintance an amorous gentleman
+touched the speaker her on any portion of the body, there passing his
+hand, she was, in spite of everything, under his power, because her
+heart failed her instantly. By this touch, the apprehension and
+remembrance of all the sweet joys of love woke again in her breast,
+and there caused an intense heat, which mounted up, flamed in her
+veins, and made her love and joy from head to foot. And since the day
+when Don Marsilis had first awakened the understanding of the speaker
+concerning these things, she had never had any other thought, and
+thenceforth recognised love to be a thing so perfectly concordant with
+her nature, that it had since been proved to the speaker that in
+default of love and natural relief she would have died, withered at
+the said convent. As evidence of which, the speaker affirms as a
+certainty, that after her flight from the said convent she had not
+passed a single day or one particle of time in melancholy and sadness,
+but always was she joyous, and thus followed the sacred will of God,
+which she believed to have been diverted during the time lost by her
+in the convent.
+
+To this was it objected by us, Hierome Cornille, to the said demon,
+that in this response she had openly blasphemed against God, because
+we had all been made to his greater glory, and placed in the world to
+honour and to serve Him, to have before our eyes His blessed
+commandments, and to live in sanctity, in order to gain eternal life,
+and not to be always in bed, doing that which even the beasts only do
+at a certain time. Then by the said sister, has answer been made, that
+she honoured God greatly, that in all countries she had taken care of
+the poor and suffering, giving them both money and raiment, and that
+at the last judgement-day she hoped to have around her a goodly
+company of holy works pleasant to God, which would intercede for her.
+That but for her humility, a fear of being reproached and of
+displeasing the gentlemen of the chapter, she would with joy have
+spent her wealth in finishing the cathedral of St. Maurice, and there
+have established foundations for the welfare of her soul--would have
+spared therein neither her pleasure nor her person, and that with this
+idea she would have taken double pleasure in her nights, because each
+one of her amours would have added a stone to the building of this
+basilic. Also the more this purpose, and for the eternal welfare of
+the speaker, would they have right heartily given their wealth.
+
+Then by us has it been said to this demon that she could not justify
+the fact of her sterility, because in spite of so much commerce, no
+child had been born of her, the which proved the presence of a demon
+in her. Moreover, Astaroth alone, or an apostle, could speak all
+languages, and she spoke after the manner of all countries, the which
+proved the presence of the devil in her. Thereupon the speaker has
+asked: "In what consisted the said diversity of language?"--that of
+Greek she knew nothing but a Kyrie eleison, of which she made great
+use; of Latin, nothing, save Amen, which she said to God, wishing
+therewith to obtain her liberty. That for the rest the speaker had
+felt great sorrow, being without children, and if the good wives had
+them, she believed it was because they took so little pleasure in the
+business, and she, the speaker, a little too much. But that such was
+doubtless the will of God, who thought that from too great happiness,
+the world would be in danger of perishing. Taking this into
+consideration, and a thousand other reasons, which sufficiently
+establish the presence of the devil in the body of the sister, because
+the peculiar property of Lucifer is to always find arguments having
+the semblance of truth, we have ordered that in our presence the
+torture be applied to the said accused, and that she be well tormented
+in order to reduce the said demon by suffering to submit to the
+authority of the Church, and have requested to render us assistance
+one Francois de Hangest, master surgeon and doctor to the chapter,
+charging him by a codicil hereunder written to investigate the
+qualities of the feminine nature (virtutes vulvae) of the
+above-mentioned woman, to enlighten our religion on the methods
+employed by this demon to lay hold of souls in that way, and see if
+any article was there apparent.
+
+Then the said Moorish women had wept bitterly, tortured in advance,
+and in spite of her irons, has knelt down imploring with cries and
+clamour the revocation of this order, objecting that her limbs were in
+such a feeble state, and her bones so tender, that they would break
+like glass; and finally, has offered to purchase her freedom from this
+by the gift all her goods to the chapter, and to quit incontinently
+the country.
+
+Upon this, by us has she been required to voluntarily declare herself
+to be, and to have always been, demon of the nature of the Succubus,
+which is a female devil whose business it is to corrupt Christians by
+the blandishments and flagitious delights of love. To this the speaker
+has replied that the affirmation would be an abominable falsehood,
+seeing that she had always felt herself to be a most natural woman.
+
+Then her irons being struck off by the torturer, the aforesaid has
+removed her dress, and has maliciously and with evil design bewildered
+and attacked our understandings with the sight of her body, the which,
+for a fact, exercises upon a man supernatural coercion.
+
+Master Guillaume Tournebouche has, by reason of nature, quitted the
+pen at this period, and retired, objecting that he was unable, without
+incredible temptations, which worked in his brain, to be a witness of
+this torture, because he felt the devil violently gaining his person.
+
+This finishes the second interrogatory; and as the apparitor and
+janitor of the chapter have stated Master Francois de Hangest to be in
+the country, the torture and interrogations are appointed for
+to-morrow at the hour of noon after mass.
+
+This has been written verbally by me, Hierome, in the absence of
+Master Guillaume Tournebouche, on whose behalf it is signed.
+
+HIEROME CORNILLE
+Grand Penitentiary.
+
+
+PETITION
+
+Today, the fourteenth day of the month of February, in the presence of
+me, Hierome Cornille, have appeared the said Masters Jehan Ribou,
+Antoine Jehan, Martin Beaupertuys, Hierome Maschefer, Jacques de Ville
+d'Omer, and the Sire d'Idre, in place of the mayor of the city of
+Tours, for the time absent. All plaintiffs designated in the act of
+process made at the Town Hall, to whom we have, at the request of
+Blanche Bruyn (now confessing herself a nun of the convent of Mount
+Carmel, under the name of Sister Clare), declared the appeal made to
+the Judgment of God by the said person accused of demonical
+possession, and her offer to pass through the ordeal of fire and
+water, in presence of the Chapter and of the town of Tours, in order
+to prove her reality as a woman and her innocence.
+
+To this request have agreed for their parts, the said accusers, who,
+on condition that the town is security for it, have engaged to prepare
+a suitable place and a pile, to be approved by the godparents of the
+accused.
+
+Then by us, the judge, has the first day of the new year been
+appointed for the day of the ordeal--which will be next Paschal Day
+--and we have indicated the hour of noon, after mass, each of the
+parties having acknowledged this delay to be sufficient.
+
+And the present proclamation shall be cited, at the suit of each of
+them, in all the towns, boroughs, and castles of Touraine and the land
+of France, at their request and at their cost and suit.
+
+HIEROME CORNILLE.
+
+
+III
+WHAT THE SUCCUBUS DID TO SUCK OUT THE SOUL OF THE OLD JUDGE, AND
+WHAT CAME OF THE DIABOLICAL DELECTATION.
+
+This the act of extreme confession made the first day of the month of
+March, in the year one thousand two hundred and seventy-one, after the
+coming of our blessed Saviour, by Hierome Cornille, priest, canon of
+the chapter of the cathedral of St. Maurice, grand penitentiary, of
+all acknowledging himself unworthy, who, finding his last hour to be
+come, and contrite of his sins, evil doings, forfeits, bad deeds, and
+wickednesses, has desired his avowal to be published to serve the
+preconisation of the truth, the glory of God, the justice of the
+tribunal, and to be an alleviation to him of his punishment, in the
+other world. The said Hierome Cornille being on his deathbed, there
+had been convoked to hear his declarations, Jehan de la Haye (de
+Hago), vicar of the church of St. Maurice; Pietro Guyard, treasurer of
+the chapter, appointed by our Lord Jean de Monsoreau, Archbishop, to
+write his words; and Dom Louis Pot, a monk of maius MONASTERIUM
+(Marmoustier), chosen by him for a spiritual father and confessor; all
+three assisted by the great and illustrious Dr Guillaume de Censoris,
+Roman Archdeacon, at present sent into the diocese (LEGATUS), by our
+Holy Father the Pope; and, finally, in the presence of a great number
+of Christians come to be witnesses of the death of the said Hierome
+Cornille, upon his known wish to make act of public repentance, seeing
+that he was fast sinking, and that his words might open the eyes of
+Christians about to fall into hell.
+
+And before him, Hierome, who, by reason of his great weakness could
+not speak, has Dom Louis Pot read the following confession to the
+great agitation of the said company:--
+
+"My brethren, until the seventy-first year of my age, which is the one
+in which I now am, with the exception of the little sins through
+which, all holy though he be, a Christian renders himself culpable
+before God, but which it is allowed to us to repurchase by penitence,
+I believe I led a Christian life, and merited the praise and renown
+bestowed upon me in this diocese, where I was raised to the high
+office of grand penitentiary, of which I am unworthy. Now, struck with
+the knowledge of the infinite glory of God, horrified at the agonies
+which await the wicked and prevaricators in hell, I have thought to
+lessen the enormity of my sins by the greatest penitence I can show in
+the extreme hour at which I am. Thus I have prayed of the Church, whom
+I have deceived and betrayed, whose rights and judicial renown I have
+sold, to grant me the opportunity of accusing myself publicly in the
+manner of ancient Christians. I hoped, in order to show my great
+repentance, to have still enough life in me to be reviled at the door
+of the cathedral by all my brethren, to remain there an entire day on
+my knees, holding a candle, a cord around my neck, and my feet naked,
+seeing that I had followed the way of hell with regard to the sacred
+instincts of the Church. But in this great shipwreck of my fragile
+virtue, which will be to you as a warning to fly from vice and the
+snares of the demon, and to take refuge in the Church, where all help
+is, I have been so bewitched by Lucifer that our Saviour Jesus Christ
+will take, by the intercession of all you whose help and prayers I
+request, pity on me, a poor abused Christian, whose eyes now stream
+with tears. So would I have another life to spend in works of
+penitence. Now then listen and tremble with great fear! Elected by the
+assembled Chapter to carry it out, instruct, and complete the process
+commenced against a demon, who had appeared in a feminine shape, in
+the person of a relapse nun--an abominable person, denying God, and
+bearing the name of Zulma in the infidel country whence she comes; the
+which devil is known in the diocese under that of Clare, of the
+convent of Mount Carmel, and has much afflicted the town by putting
+herself under an infinite number of men to gain their souls to Mammon,
+Astaroth, and Satan--princes of hell, by making them leave this world
+in a state of mortal sin, and causing their death where life has its
+source, I have, I the judge, fallen in my latter days into this snare,
+and have lost my senses, while acquitting myself traitorously of the
+functions committed with great confidence by the Chapter to my cold
+senility. Hear how subtle the demon is, and stand firm against her
+artifices. While listening to the first response of the aforesaid
+Succubus, I saw with horror that the irons placed upon her feet and
+hands left no mark there, and was astonished at her hidden strength
+and at her apparent weakness. Then my mind was troubled suddenly at
+the sight of the natural perfections with which the devil was endowed.
+I listened to the music of her voice, which warmed me from head to
+foot, and made me desire to be young, to give myself up to this demon,
+thinking that for an hour passed in her company my eternal salvation
+was but poor payment for the pleasure of love tasted in those slender
+arms. Then I lost that firmness with which all judges should be
+furnished. This demon by me questioned, reasoned with me in such a
+manner that at the second interrogatory I was firmly persuaded I
+should be committing a crime in fining and torturing a poor little
+creature who cried like an innocent child. Then warned by a voice from
+on high to do my duty, and that these golden words, the music of
+celestial appearance, were diabolical mummeries, that this body, so
+pretty, so infatuating, would transmute itself into a bristly beast
+with sharp claws, those eyes so soft into flames of hell, her behind
+into a scaly tail, the pretty rosebud mouth and gentle lips into the
+jaws of a crocodile, I came back to my intention of having the said
+Succubus tortured until she avowed her permission, as this practice
+had already been followed in Christianity. Now when this demon showed
+herself stripped to me, to be put to the torture, I was suddenly
+placed in her power by magical conjurations. I felt my old bones
+crack, my brain received a warm light, my heart transhipped young and
+boiling blood. I was light in myself, and by virtue of the magic
+philter thrown into my eyes the snows on my forehead melted away. I
+lost all conscience of my Christian life and found myself a schoolboy,
+running about the country, escaped from class and stealing apples. I
+had not the power to make the sign of the cross, neither did I
+remember the Church, God the Father, nor the sweet Saviour of men. A
+prey to this design, I went about the streets thinking over the
+delights of that voice, the abominable, pretty body of this demon, and
+saying a thousand wicked things to myself. Then pierced and drawn by a
+blow of the devil's fork, who had planted himself already in my head
+as a serpent in an oak, I was conducted by this sharp prong towards
+the jail, in spite of my guardian angel, who from time to time pulled
+me by the arm and defended me against these temptations, but in spite
+of his holy advice and his assistance I was dragged by a million claws
+stuck into my heart, and soon found myself in the jail. As soon as the
+door was opened to me I saw no longer any appearance of a prison,
+because the Succubus had there, with the assistance of evil genii or
+fays, constructed a pavilion of purple and silk, full of perfumes and
+flowers, where she was seated, superbly attired with neither irons on
+her neck nor chains on her feet. I allowed myself to be stripped of my
+ecclesiastical vestments, and was put into a scent bath. Then the
+demon covered me with a Saracen robe, entertained me with a repast of
+rare viands contained in precious vases, gold cups, Asiatic wines,
+songs and marvellous music, and a thousand sweet sounds that tickled
+my soul by means of my ears. At my side kept always the said Succubus,
+and her sweet, delectable embrace distilled new ardour into my
+members. My guardian angel quitted me. Then I lived only by the
+terrible light of the Moorish woman's eyes, coveted the warm embraces
+of the delicate body, wished always to feel her red lips, that I
+believed natural, and had no fear of the bite of those teeth which
+drew me to the bottom of hell, I delighted to feel the unequalled
+softness of her hands without thinking that they were unnatural claws.
+In short, I acted like husband desiring to go to his affianced without
+thinking that that spouse was everlasting death. I had no thought for
+the things of this world nor the interests of God, dreaming only of
+love, of the sweet breasts of this woman, who made me burn, and of the
+gate of hell in which I wished to cast myself. Alas! my brethren,
+during three days and three nights was I thus constrained to toil
+without being able to stop the stream which flowed from my reins, in
+which were plunged, like two pikes, the hands of the Succubus, which
+communicated to my poor old age and to my dried up bones, I know not
+what sweat of love. At first this demon, to draw me to her, caused to
+flow in my inside the softness of milk, then came poignant joys which
+pricked like a hundred needles my bones, my marrow, my brain, and my
+nerves. Then all this gone, all things became inflamed, my head, my
+blood, my nerves, my flesh, my bones, and then I burned with the real
+fire of hell, which caused me torments in my joints, and an
+incredible, intolerable, tearing voluptuousness which loosened the
+bonds of my life. The tresses of this demon, which enveloped my poor
+body, poured upon me a stream of flame, and I felt each lock like a
+bar of red iron. During this mortal delectation I saw the ardent face
+of the said Succubus, who laughed and addressed to me a thousand
+exciting words; such as that I was her knight, her lord, her lance,
+her day, her joy, her hero, her life, her good, her rider, and that
+she would like to clasp me even closer, wishing to be in my skin or
+have me in hers. Hearing which, under the prick of this tongue which
+sucked out my soul, I plunged and precipitated myself finally into
+hell without finding the bottom. And then when I had no more a drop of
+blood in my veins, when my heart no longer beat in my body, and I was
+ruined at all points, the demon, still fresh, white, rubicund,
+glowing, and laughing, said to me--
+
+"'Poor fool, to think me a demon! Had I asked thee to sell thy soul
+for a kiss, wouldst thou not give it to me with all thy heart?'
+
+"'Yes,' said I.
+
+"'And if always to act thus it were necessary for thee to nourish
+thyself with the blood of new-born children in order always to have
+new life to spend in my arms, would you not imbibe it willingly?'
+
+"'Yes,' said I.
+
+"'And to be always my gallant horseman, gay as a man in his prime,
+feeling life, drinking pleasure, plunging to the depths of joy as a
+swimmer into the Loire, wouldst thou not deny God, wouldst thou not
+spit in the face of Jesus?'
+
+"'Yes,' said I.
+
+"Then I felt a hundred sharp claws which tore my diaphragm as if the
+beaks of a thousand birds there took their bellyfuls, shrieking. Then
+I was lifted suddenly above the earth upon the said Succubus, who had
+spread her wings, and cried to me--
+
+"'Ride, ride, my gallant rider! Hold yourself firmly on the back of
+thy mule, by her mane, by her neck; and ride, ride, my gallant rider
+--everything rides!' And then I saw, as a thick fog, the cities of the
+earth, where by a special gift I perceived each one coupled with a
+female demon, and tossing about, and engendering in great
+concupiscence, all shrieking a thousand words of love and exclamations
+of all kinds, and all toiling away with ecstasy. Then my horse with
+the Moorish head pointed out to me, still flying and galloping beyond
+the clouds, the earth coupled with the sun in a conjunction, from
+which proceeded a germ of stars, and there each female world was
+embracing a male world; but in place of the words used by creatures,
+the worlds were giving forth the howls of tempests, throwing up
+lightnings and crying thunders. Then still rising, I saw overhead the
+female nature of all things in love with the Prince of Movement. Now,
+by way of mockery, the Succubus placed me in the centre of this
+horrible and perpetual conflict, where I was lost as a grain of sand
+in the sea. Then still cried my white mare to me, 'Ride, ride my
+gallant rider--all things ride!' Now, thinking how little was a priest
+in this torment of the seed of worlds, nature always clasped together,
+and metals, stones, waters, airs, thunders, fish, plants, animals,
+men, spirits, worlds and planets, all embracing with rage, I denied
+the Catholic faith. Then the Succubus, pointing out to me the great
+patch of stars seen in heavens, said to me, 'That way is a drop of
+celestial seed escaped from great flow of the worlds in conjunction.'
+Thereupon I instantly clasped the Succubus with passion by the light
+of a thousand million of stars, and I wished in clasping her to feel
+the nature of those thousand million creatures. Then by this great
+effort of love I fell impotent in every way, and heard a great
+infernal laugh. Then I found myself in my bed, surrounded by my
+servitors, who had had the courage to struggle with the demon,
+throwing into the bed where I was stretched a basin full of holy
+water, and saying fervent prayers to God. Then had I to sustain, in
+spite of this assistance, a horrible combat with the said Succubus,
+whose claws still clutched my heart, causing me infinite pains; still,
+while reanimated by the voice of my servitors, relations, and friends,
+I tried to make the sacred sign of the cross; the Succubus perched on
+my bed, on the bolster, at the foot, everywhere, occupying herself in
+distracting my nerves, laughing, grimacing, putting before my eyes a
+thousand obscene images, and causing me a thousand wicked desires.
+Nevertheless, taking pity on me, my lord the Archbishop caused the
+relics of St. Gatien to be brought, and the moment the shrine had
+touched my bed the said Succubus was obliged to depart, leaving an
+odour of sulphur and of hell, which made the throats of my servants,
+friends, and others sore for a whole day. Then the celestial light of
+God having enlightened my soul, I knew I was, through my sins and my
+combat with the evil spirit, in great danger of dying. Then did I
+implore the especial mercy, to live just a little time to render glory
+to God and his Church, objecting the infinite merits of Jesus dead
+upon the cross for the salvation of the Christians. By this prayer I
+obtained the favour of recovering sufficient strength to accuse myself
+of my sins, and to beg of the members of the Church of St. Maurice
+their aid and assistance to deliver me from purgatory, where I am
+about to atone for my faults by infinite agonies. Finally, I declare
+that my proclamation, wherein the said demon appeals the judgment of
+God by the ordeals of holy water and a fire, is a subterfuge due to an
+evil design suggested by the said demon, who would thus have had the
+power to escape the justice of the tribunal of the Archbishop and of
+the Chapter, seeing that she secretly confessed to me, to be able to
+make another demon accustomed to the ordeal appear in her place. And,
+in conclusion, I give and bequeath to the Chapter of the Church of St.
+Maurice my property of all kinds, to found a chapter in the said
+church, to build it and adorn it and put it under the invocation of
+St. Hierome and St. Gatien, of whom one is my patron and the other the
+saviour of my soul."
+
+This, heard by all the company, has been brought to the notice of the
+ecclesiastical tribunal by Jehan to la Haye (Johannes de Haga).
+
+
+We, Jehan de la Haye (Johannes de Haga), elected grand penitentiary of
+St. Maurice by the general assembly of the Chapter, according to the
+usage and custom of that church, and appointed to pursue afresh the
+trial of the demon Succubus, at present in the jail of the Chapter,
+have ordered a new inquest, at which will be heard all those of this
+diocese having cognisance of the facts relative thereto. We declared
+void the other proceedings, interrogations, and decrees, and annul
+them in the name of the members of the Church in general, and
+sovereign Chapter assembled, and declare that the appeal to God,
+traitorously made by the demon, shall not take place, in consequence
+of the notorious treachery of the devil in this affair. And the said
+judgment shall be cried by sound of trumpet in all parts of the
+diocese in which have been published the false edicts of the preceding
+month, all notoriously due to the instigation of the demon, according
+to the confession of the late Hierome Cornille.
+
+Let all good Christians be of assistance to our Holy Church, and to
+her commandments.
+
+JEHAN  DE  LA HAYE.
+
+
+IV
+HOW THE MOORISH WOMAN OF THE RUE CHAUDE TWISTED ABOUT SO BRISKLY
+THAT WITH GREAT DIFFICULTY WAS SHE BURNED AND COOKED ALIVE, TO
+THE GREAT LOSS OF THE INFERNAL REGIONS.
+
+This was written in the month of May, of the year 1360, after the
+manner of a testament.
+
+
+"My very dear and well-beloved son, when it shall be lawful for thee
+to read this I shall be, I thy father, reposing in the tomb, imploring
+thy prayers, and supplicating thee to conduct thyself in life as it
+will be commanded thee in this rescript, bequeathed for the good
+government of thy family, thy future, and safety; for I have done this
+at a period when I had my senses and understanding, still recently
+affected by the sovereign injustice of men. In my virile age I had a
+great ambition to raise myself in the Church, and therein to obtain
+the highest dignities, because no life appeared to me more splendid.
+Now with this earnest idea, I learned to read and write, and with
+great trouble became in a fit condition to enter the clergy. But
+because I had no protection, or good advice to superintend my training
+I had an idea of becoming the writer, tabellion, and rubrican of the
+Chapter of St. Maurice, in which were the highest and richest
+personages of Christendom, since the King of France is only therein a
+simple canon. Now there I should be able better than anywhere else to
+find services to render to certain lords, and thus to find a master or
+gain patronage, and by this assistance enter into religion, and be
+mitred and esconced in an archiepiscopal chair, somewhere or other.
+But this first vision was over credulous, and a little too ambitious,
+the which God caused me clearly to perceive by the sequel. In fact,
+Messire Jepan de Villedomer, who afterwards became cardinal, was given
+this appointment, and I was rejected, discomfited. Now in this unhappy
+hour I received an alleviation of my troubles, by the advice of the
+good old Hierome Cornille, of whom I have often spoken to you. This
+dear man induced me, by his kindness, to become penman to the Chapter
+of St. Maurice and the Archbishop of Tours, the which offer I accepted
+with joy, since I was reputed a scrivener. At the time I was about to
+enter into the presbytery commenced the famous process against the
+devil of the Rue Chaude, of which the old folk still talk, and which
+in its time, has been recounted in every home in France. Now,
+believing that it would be of great advantage to my ambition, and that
+for this assistance the Chapter would raise me to some dignity, my
+good master had me appointed for the purpose of writing all of that
+should be in this grave cause, subject to writing. At the very outset
+Monseigneur Hierome Cornille, a man approaching eighty years, of great
+sense, justice, and sound understanding, suspected some spitefulness
+in this cause, although he was not partial to immodest girls, and had
+never been involved with a woman in his life, and was holy and
+venerable, with a sanctity which had caused him to be selected as a
+judge, all this not withstanding. As soon as the depositions were
+completed, and the poor wench heard, it remained clear that although
+this merry doxy had broken her religious vows, she was innocent of all
+devilry, and that her great wealth was coveted by her enemies, and
+other persons, whom I must not name to thee for reasons of prudence.
+At this time every one believed her to be so well furnished with
+silver and gold that she could have bought the whole county of
+Touraine, if so it had pleased her. A thousand falsehoods and
+calumnious words concerning the girl, envied by all the honest women,
+were circulated and believed in as gospel. At this period Master
+Hierome Cornille, having ascertained that no demon other than that of
+love was in the girl, made her consent to remain in a convent for the
+remainder of her days. And having ascertained certain noble knights
+brave in war and rich in domains, that they would do everything to
+save her, he invited her secretly to demand of her accusers the
+judgment of God, at the same time giving her goods to the chapter, in
+order to silence mischievous tongues. By this means would be saved
+from the stake the most delicate flower that ever heaven has allowed
+to fall upon our earth; the which flower yielded only from excessive
+tenderness and amiability to the malady of love, cast by her eyes into
+the hearts of all her pursuers. But the real devil, under the form of
+a monk, mixed himself up in this affair; in this wise: great enemy of
+the virtue, wisdom, and sanctity of Monsignor Hierome Cornille, named
+Jehan de la Haye, having learned that in the jail, the poor girl was
+treated like a queen, wickedly accused the grand penitentiary of
+connivance with her and of being her servitor, because, said this
+wicked priest, she makes him young, amorous, and happy, from which the
+poor old man died of grief in one day, knowing by this that Jehan de
+la Haye had worn his ruin and coveted his dignities. In fact, our lord
+the archbishop visited the jail, and found the Moorish woman in a
+pleasant place, reposing comfortably, and without irons, because,
+having placed a diamond in a place when none could have believed she
+could have held it, she had purchased the clemency of her jailer. At
+the time certain persons said that this jailer was smitten with her,
+and that from love, or perhaps in great fear of the young barons,
+lovers of this woman, he had planned her escape. The good man Cornille
+being at the point of death, through the treachery of Jehan de la
+Haye, the Chapter thinking it necessary to make null and void the
+proceedings taken by the penitentiary, and also his decrees, the said
+Jehan de la Haye, at that time a simple vicar of the cathedral,
+pointed out that to do this it would be sufficient to obtain a public
+confession from the good man on his death-bed. Then was the moribund
+tortured and tormented by the gentleman of the Chapter, those of Saint
+Martin, those of Marmoustiers, by the archbishop and also by the
+Pope's legate, in order that he might recant to the advantage of the
+Church, to which the good man would not consent. But after a thousand
+ills, the public confession was prepared, at which the most noteworthy
+people of the town assisted, and the which spread more horror and
+consternation than I can describe. The churches of the diocese held
+public prayers for this calamity, and every one expected to see the
+devil tumble into his house by the chimney. But the truth of it is
+that the good Master Hierome had a fever, and saw cows in his room,
+and then was this recantation obtained of him. The access passed, the
+poor saint wept copiously on learning this trick from me. In fact, he
+died in my arms, assisted by his physicians, heartbroken at this
+mummery, telling us that he was going to the feet of God to pray to
+prevent the consummation of this deplorable iniquity. The poor Moorish
+woman had touched him much by her tears and repentance, seing that
+before making her demand for the judgment of God he had minutely
+confessed her, and by that means had disentangled the soul divine
+which was in the body, and of which he spoke as of a diamond worthy of
+adorning the holy crown of God, when she should have departed this
+life, after repenting her sins. Then, my dear son, knowing by the
+statements made in the town, and by the naive responses of this
+unhappy wretch, all the trickery of this affair, I determined by the
+advice of Master Francois de Hangest, physician of the chapter, to
+feign an illness and quit the service of the Church of St. Maurice and
+of the archbishopric, in order not to dip my hands in the innocent
+blood, which still cries and will continue to cry aloud unto God until
+the day of the last judgment. Then was the jailer dismissed, and in
+his place was put the second son of the torturer, who threw the
+Moorish woman into a dungeon, and inhumanly put upon her hands and
+feet chains weighing fifty pounds, besides a wooden waistband; and the
+jail were watched by the crossbowmen of the town and the people of the
+archbishop. The wench was tormented and tortured, and her bones were
+broken; conquered by sorrow, she made an avowal according to the
+wishes of Jehan de la Haye, and was instantly condemned to be burned
+in the enclosure of St. Etienne, having been previously placed in the
+portals of the church, attired in a chemise of sulphur, and her goods
+given over to the Chapter, et cetera. This order was the cause of
+great disturbances and fighting in the town, because three young
+knights of Touraine swore to die in the service of the poor girl, and
+to deliver her in all possible ways. Then they came into the town,
+accompanied by thousands of sufferers, labouring people, old soldiers,
+warriors, courtesans, and others, whom the said girls had succoured,
+saved from misfortune, from hunger and misery, and searched all the
+poor dwellings of the town where lay those to whom she had done good.
+Thus all were stirred up and called together to the plain of
+Mount-Louis under the protection of the soldiers of the said lords;
+they had for companions all the scape-graces of the said twenty
+leagues around, and came one morning to lay siege to the prison of the
+archbishop, demanding that the Moorish woman should be given up to
+them as though they would put her to death, but in fact to set her
+free, and to place her secretly upon a swift horse, that she might
+gain the open country, seeing that she rode like a groom. Then in this
+frightful tempest of men have we seen between the battlements of the
+archiepiscopal palace and the bridges, more than ten thousand men
+swarming, besides those who were perched upon the roofs of the houses
+and climbing on all the balconies to see the sedition; in short it was
+easy to hear the horrible cries of the Christians, who were terribly in
+earnest, and of those who surrounded the jail with the intention of
+setting the poor girl free, across the Loire, the other side of Saint
+Symphorien. The suffocation and squeezing of bodies was so great in
+this immense crowd, bloodthirsty for the poor creature at whose knees
+they would have fallen had they had the opportunity of seeing her, that
+seven children, eleven women, and eight citizens were crushed and
+smashed beyond all recognition, since they were like splodges of mud;
+in short, so wide open was the great mouth of this popular leviathan,
+this horrible monster, that the clamour was heard at
+Montils-les-Tours. All cried 'Death to the Succubus! Throw out the
+demon! Ha! I'd like a quarter! I'll have her skin! The foot for me, the
+mane for thee! The head for me! The something for me! Is it red? Shall
+we see? Will it be grilled? Death to her! death!' Each one had his say.
+But the cry, 'Largesse to God! Death to the Succubus!' was yelled at
+the same time by the crowd so hoarsely and so cruelly that one's ears
+and heart bled therefrom; and the other cries were scarcely heard in
+the houses. The archbishop decided, in order to calm this storm which
+threatened to overthrow everything, to come out with great pomp from
+the church, bearing the host, which would deliver the Chapter from
+ruin, since the wicked young men and the lords had sworn to destroy
+and burn the cloisters and all the canons. Now by this stratagem the
+crowd was obliged to break up, and from lack of provisions return to
+their houses. Then the monks of Touraine, the lords, and the citizens,
+in great apprehension of pillage on the morrow, held a nocturnal
+council, and accepted the advice of the Chapter. By their efforts the
+men-at-arms, archers, knights, and citizens, in a large number, kept
+watch, and killed a party of shepherds, road menders, and vagrants,
+who, knowing the disturbed state of Tours, came to swell the ranks of
+the malcontents. The Sire Harduin de Maille, an old nobleman, reasoned
+with the young knights, who were the champions of the Moorish woman,
+and argued sagely with them, asking them if for so small a woman they
+wished to put Touraine to fire and sword; that even if they were
+victorious they would be masters of the bad characters brought
+together by them; that these said freebooters, after having sacked the
+castles of their enemies, would turn to those of their chiefs. That
+the rebellion commenced had had no success in the first attack,
+because up to that time the place was untouched, could they have any
+over the church, which would invoke the aid of the king? And a
+thousand other arguments. To these reasons the young knights replied,
+that it was easy for the Chapter to aid the girl's escape in the
+night, and that thus the cause of the sedition would be removed. To
+this humane and wise requests replied Monseigneur de Censoris, the
+Pope's legate, that it was necessary that strength should remain with
+the religion of the Church. And thereupon the poor wench payed for
+all, since it was agreed that no inquiry should be made concerning
+this sedition.
+
+"Then the Chapter had full licence to proceed to the penance of the
+girl, to which act and ecclesiastical ceremony the people came from
+twelve leagues around. So that on the day when, after divine
+satisfaction, the Succubus was to be delivered up to secular justice,
+in order to be publicly burnt at a stake, not for a gold pound would a
+lord or even an abbott have been found lodging in the town of Tours.
+The night before many camped outside the town in tents, or slept upon
+straw. Provisions were lacking, and many who came with their bellies
+full, returned with their bellies empty, having seen nothing but the
+reflection of the fire in the distance. And the bad characters did
+good strokes of business by the way.
+
+"The poor courtesan was half dead; her hair had whitened. She was, to
+tell the truth, nothing but a skeleton, scarcely covered with flesh,
+and her chains weighed more than she did. If she had had joy in her
+life, she paid dearly for it at this moment. Those who saw her pass
+say that she wept and shrieked in a way that should have earned the
+pity of her hardest pursuers; and in the church there were compelled
+to put a piece of wood in her mouth, which she bit as a lizard bites a
+stick. Then the executioner tied her to a stake to sustain her, since
+she let herself roll at times and fell for want of strength. Then she
+suddenly recovered a vigorous handful, because, this notwithstanding,
+she was able, it is said to break her cords and escape into the
+church, where in remembrance of her old vocation, she climbed quickly
+into galleries above, flying like a bird along the little columns and
+small friezes. She was about to escape on to the roof when a soldier
+perceived her, and thrust his spear in the sole of her foot. In spite
+of her foot half cut through, the poor girl still ran along the church
+without noticing it, going along with her bones broken and her blood
+gushing out, so great fear had she of the flames of the stake. At last
+she was taken and bound, thrown into a tumbrel and led to the stake,
+without being afterwards heard to utter a cry. The account of her
+flight in the church assisted in making the common people believe that
+she was the devil, and some of them said that she had flown in the
+air. As soon as the executioner of the town threw her into the flames,
+she made two or three horrible leaps and fell down into the bottom of
+the pile, which burned day and night. On the following evening I went
+to see if anything remained of this gentle girl, so sweet, so loving,
+but I found nothing but a fragment of the 'os stomachal,' in which, is
+spite of this, there still remained some moisture, and which some say
+still trembled like a woman does in the same place. It is impossible
+to tell, my dear son, the sadnesses, without number and without equal,
+which for about ten years weighed upon me; always was I thinking of
+this angel burnt by wicked men, and always I beheld her with her eyes
+full of love. In short the supernatural gifts of this artless child
+were shining day and night before me, and I prayed for her in the
+church, where she had been martyred. At length I had neither the
+strength nor the courage to look without trembling upon the grand
+penitentiary Jehan de la Haye, who died eaten up by lice. Leprosy was
+his punishment. Fire burned his house and his wife; and all those who
+had a hand in the burning had their own hands singed.
+
+"This, my well-beloved son, was the cause of a thousand ideas, which I
+have here put into writing to be forever the rule of conduct in our
+family.
+
+"I quitted the service of the church, and espoused your mother, from
+whom I received infinite blessings, and with whom I shared my life, my
+goods, my soul, and all. And she agreed with me in following precepts
+--Firstly, that to live happily, it is necessary to keep far away from
+church people, to honour them much without giving them leave to enter
+your house, any more than to those who by right, just or unjust, are
+supposed to be superior to us. Secondly, to take a modest condition,
+and to keep oneself in it without wishing to appear in any way rich.
+To have a care to excite no envy, nor strike any onesoever in any
+manner, because it is needful to be as strong as an oak, which kills
+the plants at its feet, to crush envious heads, and even then would
+one succumb, since human oaks are especially rare and that no
+Tournebouche should flatter himself that he is one, granting that he
+be a Tournebouche. Thirdly, never to spend more than one quarter of
+one's income, conceal one's wealth, hide one's goods and chattels, to
+undertake no office, to go to church like other people, and always
+keep one's thoughts to oneself, seeing that they belong to you and not
+to others, who twist them about, turn them after their own fashion,
+and make calumnies therefrom. Fourthly, always to remain in the
+condition of the Tournebouches, who are now and forever drapers. To
+marry your daughters to good drapers, send your sons to be drapers in
+other towns of France furnished with these wise precepts, and to bring
+them up to the honour of drapery, and without leaving any dream of
+ambition in their minds. A draper like a Tournebouche should be their
+glory, their arms, their name, their motto, their life. Thus by being
+always drapers, they will be always Tournebouches, and rub on like the
+good little insects, who, once lodged in the beam, made their dens,
+and go on with security to the end of their ball of thread. Fifthly
+never to speak any other language than that of drapery, and never to
+dispute concerning religion or government. And even though the
+government of the state, the province, religion, and God turn about,
+or have a fancy to go to the right or to the left, always in your
+quality of Tournebouche, stick to your cloth. Thus unnoticed by the
+others of the town, the Tournebouches will live in peace with their
+little Tournebouches--paying the tithes and taxes, and all that they
+are required by force to give, be it to God, or to the king, to the
+town of to the parish, with all of whom it is unwise to struggle. Also
+it is necessary to keep the patrimonial treasure, to have peace and to
+buy peace, never to owe anything, to have corn in the house, and enjoy
+yourselves with the doors and windows shut.
+
+"By this means none will take from the Tournebouches, neither the
+state, nor the Church, nor the Lords, to whom should the case be that
+force is employed, you will lend a few crowns without cherishing the
+idea of ever seeing him again--I mean the crowns.
+
+"Thus, in all seasons people will love the Tournebouches, will mock
+the Tournebouches as poor people--as the slow Tournebouches, as
+Tournebouches of no understanding. Let the know-nothings say on. The
+Tournebouches will neither be burned nor hanged, to the advantage of
+King or Church, or other people; and the wise Tournebouches will have
+secretly money in their pockets, and joy in their houses, hidden from
+all.
+
+"Now, my dear son, follow this the counsel of a modest and
+middle-class life. Maintain this in thy family as a county charter;
+and when you die, let your successor maintain it as the sacred gospel
+of the Tournebouches, until God wills it that there be no longer
+Tournebouches in this world."
+
+This letter has been found at the time of the inventory made in the
+house of Francois Tournebouche, lord of Veretz, chancellor to
+Monseigneur the Dauphin, and condemned at the time of the rebellion of
+the said lord against the King to lose his head, and have all his
+goods confiscated by order of the Parliament of Paris. The said letter
+has been handed to the Governor of Touraine as an historical
+curiosity, and joined to the pieces of the process in the
+archbishopric of Tours, by me, Pierre Gaultier, Sheriff, President of
+the Trades Council.
+
+The author having finished the transcription and deciphering of these
+parchments, translating them from their strange language into French,
+the donor of them declared that the Rue Chaude at Tours was so called,
+according to certain people, because the sun remained there longer
+than in all other parts. But in spite of this version, people of lofty
+understanding will find, in the warm way of the said Succubus, the
+real origin of the said name. In which acquiesces the author. This
+teaches us not to abuse our body, but use it wisely in view of our
+salvation.
+
+
+
+                          DESPAIR IN LOVE
+
+At the time when King Charles the Eighth took it into his head to
+decorate the castle of Amboise, they came with him certain workmen,
+master sculptors, good painters, and masons, or architects, who
+ornamented the galleries with splendid works, which, through neglect,
+have since been much spoiled.
+
+At that time the court was staying in this beautiful locality, and, as
+everyone knows, the king took great pleasure in watching his people
+work out their ideas. Among these foreign gentlemen was an Italian,
+named Angelo Cappara, a most worthy young man, and, in spite of his
+age, a better sculptor and engraver than any of them; and it
+astonished many to see one in the April of his life so clever. Indeed,
+there had scarcely sprouted upon his visage the hair which imprints
+upon a man virile majesty. To this Angelo the ladies took a great
+fancy because he was charming as a dream, and as melancholy as a dove
+left solitary in its nest by the death of its mate. And this was the
+reason thereof: this sculptor knew the curse of poverty, which mars
+and troubles all the actions of life; he lived miserably, eating
+little, ashamed of his pennilessness, and made use of his talents only
+through great despair, wishing by any means to win that idle life
+which is the best all for those whose minds are occupied. The
+Florentine, out of bravado, came to the court gallantly attired, and
+from the timidity of youth and misfortune dared not ask his money from
+the king, who, seeing him thus dressed, believed him well with
+everything. The courtiers and the ladies used all to admire his
+beautiful works, and also their author; but of money he got none. All,
+and the ladies above all, finding him rich by nature, esteemed him
+well off with his youth, his long black hair, and bright eyes, and did
+not give a thought to lucre, while thinking of these things and the
+rest. Indeed they were quite right, since these advantages gave to
+many a rascal of the court, lands, money and all. In spite of his
+youthful appearance, Master Angelo was twenty years of age, and no
+fool, had a large heart, a head full of poetry; and more than that,
+was a man of lofty imaginings. But although he had little confidence
+in himself, like all poor and unfortunate people, he was astonished at
+the success of the ignorant. He fancied that he was ill-fashioned,
+either in body or mind, and kept his thoughts to himself. I am wrong,
+for he told them in the clear starlight nights to the shadows, to God,
+to the devil, and everything about him. At such times he would lament
+his fate in having a heart so warm, that doubtless the ladies avoided
+him as they would a red-hot iron; then he would say to himself how he
+would worship a beautiful mistress, how all his life long he would
+honour her, and with what fidelity he would attach himself to her,
+with what affection serve her, how studiously obey her commands, with
+what sports he would dispel the light clouds of her melancholy sadness
+on the days when the skies should be overcast. Fashioning himself one
+out of his imagination, he would throw himself at her feet, kiss,
+fondle, caress, bite, and clasp her with as much reality as a prisoner
+scampers over the grass when he sees the green fields through the bars
+of his cell. Thus he would appeal to her mercy; overcome with his
+feelings, would stop her breath with his embraces, would become daring
+in spite of his respect, and passionately bite the clothes of his bed,
+seeking this celestial lady, full of courage when by himself, but
+abashed on the morrow if he passed one by. Nevertheless, inflamed by
+these amorous advances, he would hammer way anew at his marble
+figures, would carve beautiful breasts, to bring the water into one's
+mouth at the sight of those sweet fruits of love, without counting the
+other things that he raised, carved, and caressed with the chisels,
+smoothed down with his file, and fashioned in a manner that would make
+their use intelligible to the mind of a greenhorn, and stain his
+verdure in a single day. The ladies would criticise these beauties,
+and all of them were smitten with the youthful Cappara. And the
+youthful Cappara would eye them up and down, swearing that the day one
+of them gave him her little finger to kiss, he would have his desire.
+
+Among these high-born ladies there came one day one by herself to the
+young Florentine, asking him why he was so shy, and if none of the
+court ladies could make him sociable. Then she graciously invited him
+to come to her house that evening.
+
+Master Angelo perfumes himself, purchases a velvet mantle with a
+double fringe of satin, borrows from a friend a cloak with wide
+sleeves, a slashed doublet, and silken hose, arrives at the house, and
+ascends the stairs with hasty feet, hope beaming from his eyes,
+knowing not what to do with his heart, which leaped and bounded like a
+goat; and, to sum up, so much over head and ears in love, that the
+perspiration trickled down his back.
+
+You may be sure the lady was a beautiful, and Master Cappara was the
+more aware of it, since in his profession he had studied the mouldings
+of the arms, the lines of the body, the secret surroundings of the
+sex, and other mysteries. Now this lady satisfied the especial rules
+of art; and besides being fair and slender, she had a voice to disturb
+life in its source, to stir fire of a heart, brain, and everything; in
+short, she put into one's imagination delicious images of love without
+thinking of it, which is the characteristic of these cursed women.
+
+The sculptor found her seated by the fire in a high chair, and the
+lady immediately commenced to converse at her ease, although Angelo
+could find no other replies than "Yes" and "No," could get no other
+words from his throat nor idea in his brain, and would have beaten his
+head against the fireplace but for the happiness of gazing at and
+listening to his lovely mistress, who was playing there like a young
+fly in the sunshine. Because, which this mute admiration, both
+remained until the middle of the night, wandering slowly down the
+flowery path of love, the good sculptor went away radiant with
+happiness. On the road, he concluded in his own mind, that if a noble
+lady kept him rather close to her skirts during four hours of the
+night, it would not matter a straw if she kept him there the
+remainder. Drawing from these premises certain corollaries, he
+resolved to ask her favours as a simple woman. Then he determined to
+kill everybody--the husband, the wife, or himself--rather than lose
+the distaff whereon to spin one hour of joy. Indeed, he was so mad
+with love, that he believed life to be but a small stake in the game
+of love, since one single day of it was worth a thousand lives.
+
+The Florentine chiselled away at his statues, thinking of his evening,
+and thus spoiled many a nose thinking of something else. Noticing
+this, he left his work, perfumed himself, and went to listen to the
+sweet words of his lady, with the hope of turning them into deeds; but
+when he was in the presence of his sovereign, her feminine majesty
+made itself felt, and poor Cappara, such a lion in street, looked
+sheepish when gazing at his victim. This notwithstanding, towards the
+hour when desire becomes heated, he was almost in the lady's lap and
+held her tightly clasped. He had obtained a kiss, had taken it, much
+to his delight; for, when they give it, the ladies retain the right of
+refusal, but when they left it to be taken, the lover may take a
+thousand. This is the reason why all of them are accustomed to let it
+be taken. The Florentine has stolen a great number, and things were
+going on admirably, when the lady, who had been thrifty with her
+favours, cried, "My husband!"
+
+And, in fact, my lord had just returned from playing tennis, and the
+sculptor had to leave the place, but not without receiving a warm
+glance from the lady interrupted in her pleasure. This was all his
+substance, pittance and enjoyment during a whole month, since on the
+brink of his joy always came the said husband, and he always arrived
+wisely between a point-blank refusal and those little sweet caresses
+with which women always season their refusals--little things which
+reanimate love and render it all the stronger. And when the sculptor,
+out of patience, commenced, immediately upon his arrival, the skirmish
+of the skirt, in order that victory might arrive before the husband,
+to whom, no doubt, these disturbances were not without profit, his
+fine lady, seeing desire written in the eyes of her sculptor,
+commenced endless quarrels and altercations; at first she pretended to
+be jealous in order to rail against love; then appeased the anger of
+the little one with the moisture of a kiss, then kept the conversation
+to herself, and kept on saying that her lover should be good, obedient
+to her will, otherwise she would not yield to him her life and soul;
+that a desire was a small thing to offer a mistress; that she was more
+courageous, because loving more she sacrificed more, and to his
+propositions she would exclaim, "Silence, sir!" with the air of a
+queen, and at times she would put on an angry look, to reply to the
+reproachs of Cappara: "If you are not as I wish you to be, I will no
+longer love you."
+
+The poor Italian saw, when it was too late, that this was not a noble
+love, one of those which does not mete out joy as a miser his crowns;
+and that this lady took delight in letting him jump about outside the
+hedge and be master of everything, provided he touched not the garden
+of love. At this business Cappara became a savage enough to kill
+anyone, and took with him trusty companions, his friends, to whom he
+gave the task of attacking the husband while walking home to bed after
+his game of tennis with the king. He came to his lady at the
+accustomed hour when the sweet sports of love were in full swing,
+which sports were long, lasting kisses, hair twisted and untwisted,
+hand bitten with passion, ears as well; indeed, the whole business,
+with the exception of that especial thing which good authors rightly
+find abominable. The Florentine exclaims between two hearty kisses--
+
+"Sweet one, do you love me more than anything?"
+
+"Yes," said she, because words never cost anything.
+
+"Well then," replied the lover, "be mine in deed as in word."
+
+"But," said she, "my husband will be here directly."
+
+"Is that the only reason?" said he.
+
+"Yes."
+
+"I have friends who will cross him, and will not let him go unless I
+show a torch at this window. If he complain to the king, my friends
+will say, they thought they were playing a joke on one of their own
+set."
+
+"Ah, my dear," said she, "let me see if everyone in the house is gone
+to bed."
+
+She rose, and held the light to the window. Seeing which Cappara blew
+out the candle, seized his sword, and placing himself in front of the
+woman, whose scorn and evil mind he recognised.
+
+"I will not kill you, madame," said he, "but I will mark your face in
+such a manner you will never again coquette with young lovers whose
+lives you waste. You have deceived me shamefully, and are not a
+respectable woman. You must know that a kiss will never sustain life
+in a true lover, and that a kissed mouth needs the rest. Your have
+made my life forever dull and wretched; now I will make you remember
+forever my death, which you have caused. You shall never again behold
+yourself in a glass without seeing there my face also." Then he raised
+his arm, and held the sword ready to cut off a good slice of the fresh
+fair cheek, where still all the traces of his kiss remained. And the
+lady exclaimed, "You wretch!"
+
+"Hold your tongue," said he; "you told me that you loved me better
+than anything. Now you say otherwise; each evening have you raised me
+a little nearer to heaven; with one blow you cast me into hell, and
+you think that your petticoat can save you from a lover's wrath--No!"
+
+"Ah, my Angelo! I am thine," said she, marvelling at this man glaring
+with rage.
+
+But he, stepping three paces back, replied, "Ah, woman of the court
+and wicked heart, thou lovest, then, thy face better than thy lover."
+
+She turned pale, and humbly held up her face, for she understood that
+at this moment her past perfidy wronged her present love. With a
+single blow Angelo slashed her face, then left her house, and quitted
+the country. The husband not having been stopped by reason of that
+light which was seen by the Florentines, found his wife minus her left
+cheek. But she spoke not a word in spite of her agony; she loved her
+Cappara more than life itself. Nevertheless, the husband wished to
+know whence preceded this wound. No one having been there except the
+Florentine, he complained to the king, who had his workman hastily
+pursued, and ordered him to be hanged at Blois. On the day of
+execution a noble lady was seized with a desire to save this
+courageous man, whom she believed to be a lover of the right sort. She
+begged the king to give him to her, which he did willingly. But
+Cappara declaring that he belonged entirely to his lady, the memory of
+whom he could not banish entirely, entered the Church, became a
+cardinal and a great savant, and used to say in his old age that he
+had existed upon the remembrance of the joys tasted in those poor
+hours of anguish; in which he was, at the same time, both very well
+and very badly treated by his lady. There are authors saying
+afterwards he succeeded better with his old sweetheart, whose cheek
+healed; but I cannot believe this, because he was a man of heart, who
+had a high opinion of the holy joys of love.
+
+This teaches us nothing worth knowing, unless it be that there are
+unlucky meetings in life, since this tale is in every way true. If in
+other places the author has overshot the truth, this one will gain for
+him the indulgence of the conclave or lovers.
+
+
+
+                              EPILOGUE
+
+This second series comes in the merry month of June, when all is green
+and gay, because the poor muse, whose slave the author is, has been
+more capricious then the love of a queen, and has mysteriously wished
+to bring forth her fruit in the time of flowers. No one can boast
+himself master of this fay. At times, when grave thoughts occupy the
+mind and grieve the brain, comes the jade whispering her merry tales
+in the author's ear, tickling her lips with her feathers, dancing
+sarabands, and making the house echo with her laughter. If by chance
+the writer, abandoning science for pleasure, says to her, "Wait a
+moment, little one, till I come," and runs in great haste to play with
+the madcap, she has disappeared. She has gone into her hole, hides
+herself there, rolls herself up, and retires. Take the poker, take a
+staff, a cudgel, a cane, raise them, strike the wench, and rave at
+her, she moans; strap her, she moans; caress her, fondle her, she
+moans; kiss her, say to her, "Here, little one," she moans. Now she's
+cold, now she is going to die; adieu to love, adieu to laughter, adieu
+to merriment, adieu to good stories. Wear mourning for her, weep and
+fancy her dead, groan. Then she raises her head, her merry laugh rings
+out again; she spreads her white wings, flies one knows not wither,
+turns in the air, capers, shows her impish tail, her woman's breasts,
+her strong loins, and her angelic face, shakes her perfumed tresses,
+gambols in the rays of the sun, shines forth in all her beauty,
+changes her colours like the breast of a dove, laughs until she cries,
+cast the tears of her eyes into the sea, where the fishermen find them
+transmuted into pretty pearls, which are gathered to adorn the
+foreheads of queens. She twists about like a colt broken loose,
+exposing her virgin charms, and a thousand things so fair that a pope
+would peril his salvation for her at the mere sight of them. During
+these wild pranks of the ungovernable beast you meet fools and
+friends, who say to the poor poet, "Where are your tales? Where are
+your new volumes? You are a pagan prognosticator. Oh yes, you are
+known. You go to fetes and feasts, and do nothing between your meals.
+Where's your work?"
+
+Although I am by nature partial to kindness, I should like to see one
+of these people impaled in the Turkish fashion, and thus equipped,
+sent on the Love Chase. Here endeth the second series; make the devil
+give it a lift with his horns, and it will be well received by a
+smiling Christendom.
+
+
+
+
+                             VOLUME III
+                        THE THIRD TEN TALES
+
+
+
+                              CONTENTS
+
+PROLOGUE
+PERSEVERANCE IN LOVE
+CONCERNING A PROVOST WHO DID NOT RECOGNISE THINGS
+ABOUT THE MONK AMADOR, WHO WAS A GLORIOUS ABBOT OF TURPENAY
+BERTHA THE PENITENT
+HOW THE PRETTY MAID OF PORTILLON CONVINCED HER JUDGE
+IN WHICH IT IS DEMONSTRATED THAT FORTUNE IS ALWAYS FEMININE
+CONCERNING A POOR MAN WHO WAS CALLED LE VIEUX PAR-CHEMINS
+ODD SAYINGS OF THREE PILGRIMS
+INNOCENCE
+THE FAIR IMPERIA MARRIED
+EPILOGUE
+
+
+
+                              PROLOGUE
+
+Certain persons have interrogated the author as to why there was such
+a demand for these tales that no year passes without his giving an
+instalment of them, and why he has lately taken to writing commas
+mixed up with bad syllables, at which the ladies publicly knit their
+brows, and have put to him other questions of a like character.
+
+The author declares that these treacherous words, cast like pebbles in
+his path, have touched him in the very depths of his heart, and he is
+sufficiently cognisant of his duty not to fail to give to his special
+audience in this prologue certain reasons other than the preceding
+ones, because it is always necessary to reason with children until
+they are grown up, understand things, and hold their tongues; and
+because he perceives many mischievous fellows among the crowd of noisy
+people, who ignore at pleasure the real object of these volumes.
+
+In the first place know, that if certain virtuous ladies--I say
+virtuous because common and low class women do not read these stories,
+preferring those that are never published; on the contrary, other
+citizens' wives and ladies, of high respectability and godliness,
+although doubtless disgusted with the subject-matter, read them
+piously to satisfy an evil spirit, and thus keep themselves virtuous.
+Do you understand, my good reapers of horns? It is better to be
+deceived by the tale of a book than cuckolded through the story of a
+gentleman. You are saved the damage by this, poor fools! besides
+which, often your lady becomes enamoured, is seized with fecund
+agitations to your advantage, raised in her by the present book.
+Therefore do these volumes assist to populate the land and maintain it
+in mirth, honour and health. I say mirth, because much is to be
+derived from these tales. I say honour, because you save your nest
+from the claws of that youthful demon named cuckoldom in the language
+of the Celts. I say health, because this book incites that which was
+prescribed by the Church of Salerno, for the avoidance of cerebral
+plethora. Can you derive a like proof in any other typographically
+blackened portfolios? Ha! ha! where are the books that make children?
+Think! Nowhere. But you will find a glut of children making books
+which beget nothing but weariness.
+
+But to continue. Now be it known that when ladies, of a virtuous
+nature and a talkative turn of mind, converse publicly on the subject
+of these volumes, a great number of them, far from reprimanding the
+author, confess that they like him very much, esteem him a valiant
+man, worthy to be a monk in the Abbey of Theleme. For as many reasons
+as there are stars in the heavens, he does not drop the style which he
+has adopted in these said tales, but lets himself be vituperated, and
+keeps steadily on his way, because noble France is a woman who refuses
+to yield, crying, twisting about, and saying,
+
+"No, no, never! Oh, sir, what are you going to do? I won't let you;
+you'd rumple me."
+
+And when the volume is done and finished, all smiles, she exclaims,
+
+"Oh, master, are there any more to come?"
+
+You may take it for granted that the author is a merry fellow, who
+troubles himself little about the cries, tears and tricks of the lady
+you call glory, fashion, or public favour, for he knows her to be a
+wanton who would put up with any violence. He knows that in France her
+war-cry is _Mount Joy_! A fine cry indeed, but one which certain
+writers have disfigured, and which signifies, "Joy it is not of the
+earth, it is there; seize it, otherwise good-bye." The author has this
+interpretation from Rabelais, who told it to him. If you search
+history, has France ever breathed a word when she was joyous mounted,
+bravely mounted, passionately mounted, mounted and out of breath? She
+goes furiously at everything, and likes this exercise better than
+drinking. Now, do you not see that these volumes are French, joyfully
+French, wildly French, French before, French behind, French to the
+backbone. Back then, curs! strike up the music; silence, bigots!
+advance my merry wags, my little pages, put your soft hands into the
+ladies' hands and tickle them in the middle--of the hand of course.
+Ha! ha! these are high sounding and peripatetic reasons, or the author
+knows nothing of sound and the philosophy of Aristotle. He has on his
+side the crown of France and the oriflamme of the king and Monsieur
+St. Denis, who, having lost his head, said "Mount-my-Joy!" Do you mean
+to say, you quadrupeds, that the word is wrong? No. It was certainly
+heard by a great many people at the time; but in these days of deep
+wretchedness you believe nothing concerning the good old saints.
+
+The author has not finished yet. Know all ye who read these tales with
+eye and hand, feel them in the head alone, and love them for the joy
+they bring you, and which goes to your heart, know that the author
+having in an evil hour let his ideas, _id est_, his inheritance, go
+astray, and being unable to get them together again, found himself in
+a state of mental nudity. Then he cried like the woodcutter in the
+prologue of the book of his dear master Rabelais, in order to make
+himself heard by the gentleman on high, Lord Paramount of all things,
+and obtain from Him fresh ideas. This said Most High, still busy with
+the congress of the time, threw to him through Mercury an inkstand
+with two cups, on which was engraved, after the manner of a motto,
+these three letters, _Ave_. Then the poor fellow, perceiving no other
+help, took great care to turn over this said inkstand to find out the
+hidden meaning of it, thinking over the mysterious words and trying to
+find a key to them. First, he saw that God was polite, like the great
+Lord as He is, because the world is His, and He holds the title of it
+from no one. But since, in thinking over the days of his youth, he
+remembered no great service rendered to God, the author was in doubt
+concerning this hollow civility, and pondered long without finding out
+the real substance of the celestial utensil. By reason of turning it
+and twisting it about, studying it, looking at it, feeling it,
+emptying it, knocking it in an interrogatory manner, smacking it down,
+standing it up straight, standing it on one side, and turning it
+upside down, he read backwards _Eva_. Who is _Eva_, if not all women
+in one? Therefore by the Voice Divine was it said to the author:
+
+Think of women; woman will heal thy wound, stop the waste-hole in thy
+bag of tricks. Woman is thy wealth; have but one woman, dress,
+undress, and fondle that women, make use of the woman--woman is
+everything--woman has an inkstand of her own; dip thy pen in that
+bottomless inkpot. Women like love; make love to her with the pen
+only, tickle her phantasies, and sketch merrily for her a thousand
+pictures of love in a thousand pretty ways. Woman is generous, and all
+for one, or one for all, must pay the painter, and furnish the hairs
+of the brush. Now, muse upon that which is written here. _Ave_, Hail,
+_Eva_, woman; or _Eva_, woman, _Ave_, Hail. Yes, she makes and
+unmakes. Heigh, then, for the inkstand! What does woman like best?
+What does she desire? All the special things of love; and woman is
+right. To have children, to produce an imitation, of nature, which is
+always in labour. Come to me, then, woman!--come to me, Eva!
+
+With this the author began to dip into that fertile inkpot, where
+there was a brain-fluid, concocted by virtues from on high in a
+talismanic fashion. From one cup there came serious things, which
+wrote themselves in brown ink; and from the other trifling things,
+which merely gave a roseate hue to the pages of the manuscript. The
+poor author has often, from carelessness, mixed the inks, now here,
+now there; but as soon as the heavy sentences, difficult to smooth,
+polish, and brighten up, of some work suitable to the taste of the day
+are finished, the author, eager to amuse himself, in spite of the
+small amount of merry ink remaining in the left cup, steals and bears
+eagerly therefrom a few penfuls with great delight. These said penfuls
+are, indeed, these same Droll Tales, the authority on which is above
+suspicion, because it flows from a divine source, as is shown in this
+the author's naive confession.
+
+Certain evil-disposed people will still cry out at this; but can you
+find a man perfectly contented on this lump of mud? Is it not a shame?
+In this the author has wisely comported himself in imitation of a
+higher power; and he proves it by _atqui_. Listen. Is it not most
+clearly demonstrated to the learned that the sovereign Lord of worlds
+has made an infinite number of heavy, weighty, and serious machines
+with great wheels, large chains, terrible notches, and frightfully
+complicated screws and weights like the roasting jack, but also has
+amused Himself with little trifles and grotesque things light as
+zephyrs, and has made also naive and pleasant creations, at which you
+laugh directly you see them? Is it not so? Then in all eccentric
+works, such as the very spacious edifice undertaken by the author, in
+order to model himself upon the laws of the above-named Lord, it is
+necessary to fashion certain delicate flowers, pleasant insects, fine
+dragons well twisted, imbricated, and coloured--nay, even gilt,
+although he is often short of gold--and throw them at the feet of his
+snow-clad mountains, piles of rocks, and other cloud-capped
+philosophers, long and terrible works, marble columns, real thoughts
+carved in porphyry.
+
+Ah! unclean beasts, who despise and repudiate the figures, phantasies,
+harmonies, and roulades of the fair muse of drollery, will you not
+pare your claws, so that you may never again scratch her white skin,
+all azure with veins, her amorous reins, her flanks of surpassing
+elegance, her feet that stay modestly in bed, her satin face, her
+lustrous features, her heart devoid of bitterness? Ah! wooden-heads,
+what will you say when you find that this merry lass springs from the
+heart of France, agrees with all that is womanly in nature, has been
+saluted with a polite _Ave_! by the angels in the person of their
+spokesman, Mercury, and finally, is the clearest quintessence of Art.
+In this work are to be met with necessity, virtue, whim, the desire of
+a woman, the votive offering of a stout Pantagruelist, all are here.
+Hold your peace, then, drink to the author, and let his inkstand with
+the double cup endow the Gay Science with a hundred glorious Droll
+Tales.
+
+Stand back then, curs; strike up the music! Silence, bigots; out of
+the way, dunces! step forward my merry wags!--my little pages! give
+your soft hand to the ladies, and tickle theirs in the centre in a
+pretty manner, saying to them, "Read to laugh." Afterwards you can
+tell them some mere jest to make them roar, since when they are
+laughing their lips are apart, and they make but a faint resistance to
+love.
+
+
+
+                        PERSEVERANCE IN LOVE
+
+During the first years of the thirteenth century after the coming of
+our Divine Saviour there happened in the City of Paris an amorous
+adventure, through the deed of a man of Tours, of which the town and
+even the king's court was never tired of speaking. As to the clergy,
+you will see by that which is related the part they played in this
+history, the testimony of which was by them preserved. This said man,
+called the Touranian by the common people, because he had been born in
+our merry Touraine, had for his true name that of Anseau. In his
+latter days the good man returned into his own country and was mayor
+of St. Martin, according to the chronicles of the abbey of that town;
+but at Paris he was a great silversmith.
+
+But now in his prime, by his great honesty, his labours, and so forth,
+he became a citizen of Paris and subject of the king, whose protection
+he bought, according to the custom of the period. He had a house built
+for him free of all quit-rent, close the Church of St. Leu, in the Rue
+St. Denis, where his forge was well-known by those in want of fine
+jewels. Although he was a Touranian, and had plenty of spirit and
+animation, he kept himself virtuous as a true saint, in spite of the
+blandishments of the city, and had passed the days of his green season
+without once dragging his good name through the mire. Many will say
+this passes the bounds of that faculty of belief which God has placed
+in us to aid that faith due to the mysteries of our holy religion; so
+it is needful to demonstrate abundantly the secret cause of this
+silversmith's chastity. And, first remember that he came into the town
+on foot, poor as Job, according to the old saying; and unlike all the
+inhabitants of our part of the country, who have but one passion, he
+had a character of iron, and persevered in the path he had chosen as
+steadily as a monk in vengeance. As a workman, he laboured from morn
+to night; become a master, he laboured still, always learning new
+secrets, seeking new receipts, and in seeking, meeting with inventions
+of all kinds. Late idlers, watchmen, and vagrants saw always a modest
+lamp shining through the silversmith's window, and the good man
+tapping, sculpting, rounding, distilling, modeling, and finishing,
+with his apprentices, his door closed and his ears open. Poverty
+engendered hard work, hard work engendered his wonderful virtue, and
+his virtue engendered his great wealth. Take this to heart, ye
+children of Cain who eat doubloons and micturate water. If the good
+silversmith felt himself possessed with wild desires, which now in one
+way, now another, seize upon an unhappy bachelor when the devil tries
+to get hold of him, making the sign of the cross, the Touranian
+hammered away at his metal, drove out the rebellious spirits from his
+brain by bending down over the exquisite works of art, little
+engravings, figures of gold and silver forms, with which he appeased
+the anger of his Venus. Add to this that this Touranian was an artless
+man, of simple understanding, fearing God above all things, then
+robbers, next to that of nobles, and more than all, a disturbance.
+Although if he had two hands, he never did more than one thing at a
+time. His voice was as gentle as that of a bridegroom before marriage.
+Although the clergy, the military, and others gave him no reputation
+for knowledge, he knew well his mother's Latin, and spoke it correctly
+without waiting to be asked. Latterly the Parisians had taught him to
+walk uprightly, not to beat the bush for others, to measure his
+passions by the rule of his revenues, not to let them take his leather
+to make other's shoes, to trust no one farther then he could see them,
+never to say what he did, and always to do what he said; never to
+spill anything but water; to have a better memory than flies usually
+have; to keep his hands to himself, to do the same with his purse; to
+avoid a crowd at the corner of a street, and sell his jewels for more
+than they cost him; all things, the sage observance of which gave him
+as much wisdom as he had need of to do business comfortably and
+pleasantly. And so he did, without troubling anyone else. And watching
+this good little man unobserved, many said,
+
+"By my faith, I should like to be this jeweller, even were I obliged
+to splash myself up to the eyes with the mud of Paris during a hundred
+years for it."
+
+They might just as well have wished to be king of France, seeing that
+the silversmith had great powerful nervous arms, so wonderfully strong
+that when he closed his fist the cleverest trick of the roughest
+fellow could not open it; from which you may be sure that whatever he
+got hold of he stuck to. More than this, he had teeth fit to masticate
+iron, a stomach to dissolve it, a duodenum to digest it, a sphincter
+to let it out again without tearing, and shoulders that would bear a
+universe upon them, like that pagan gentleman to whom the job was
+confided, and whom the timely arrival of Jesus Christ discharged from
+the duty. He was, in fact, a man made with one stroke, and they are
+the best, for those who have to be touched are worth nothing, being
+patched up and finished at odd times. In short, Master Anseau was a
+thorough man, with a lion's face, and under his eyebrows a glance that
+would melt his gold if the fire of his forge had gone out, but a
+limpid water placed in his eyes by the great Moderator of all things
+tempered this great ardour, without which he would have burnt up
+everything. Was he not a splendid specimen of a man?
+
+With such a sample of his cardinal virtues, some persist in asking why
+the good silversmith remained as unmarried as an oyster, seeing that
+these properties of nature are of good use in all places. But these
+opinionated critics, do they know what it is to love? Ho! Ho! Easy!
+The vocation of a lover is to go, to come, to listen, to watch, to
+hold his tongue, to talk, to stick in a corner, to make himself big,
+to make himself little, to agree, to play music, to drudge, to go to
+the devil wherever he may be, to count the gray peas in the dovecote,
+to find flowers under the snow, to say paternosters to the moon, to
+pat the cat and pat the dog, to salute the friends, to flatter the
+gout, or the cold of the aunt, to say to her at opportune moments "You
+have good looks, and will yet write the epitaph of the human race." To
+please all the relations, to tread on no one's corns, to break no
+glasses, to waste no breath, to talk nonsense, to hold ice in his
+hand, to say, "This is good!" or, "Really, madam, you are very
+beautiful so." And to vary that in a hundred different ways. To keep
+himself cool, to bear himself like a nobleman, to have a free tongue
+and a modest one, to endure with a smile all the evils the devil may
+invent on his behalf, to smother his anger, to hold nature in control,
+to have the finger of God, and the tail of the devil, to reward the
+mother, the cousin, the servant; in fact, to put a good face on
+everything. In default of which the female escapes and leaves you in a
+fix, without giving a single Christian reason. In fact, the lover of
+the most gentle maid that God ever created in a good-tempered moment,
+had he talked like a book, jumped like a flea, turned about like dice,
+played like King David, and built for the aforesaid woman the
+Corinthian order of the columns of the devil, if he failed in the
+essential and hidden thing which pleases his lady above all others,
+which often she does not know herself and which he has need to know,
+the lass leaves him like a red leper. She is quite right. No one can
+blame her for so doing. When this happens some men become
+ill-tempered, cross, and more wretched than you can possibly imagine.
+Have not many of them killed themselves through this petticoat tyranny?
+In this matter the man distinguishes himself from the beast, seeing that
+no animal ever yet lost his senses through blighted love, which proves
+abundantly that animals have no souls. The employment of a lover is
+that of a mountebank, of a soldier, of a quack, of a buffoon, of a
+prince, of a ninny, of a king, of an idler, of a monk, of a dupe, of a
+blackguard, of a liar, of a braggart, of a sycophant, of a numskull,
+of a frivolous fool, of a blockhead, of a know-nothing, of a knave. An
+employment from which Jesus abstained, in imitation of whom folks of
+great understanding likewise disdain it; it is a vocation in which a
+man of worth is required to spend above all things, his time, his
+life, his blood, his best words, besides his heart, his soul, and his
+brain; things to which the women are cruelly partial, because directly
+their tongues begin to go, they say among themselves that if they have
+not the whole of a man they have none of him. Be sure, also, that
+there are cats, who, knitting their eyebrows, complain that a man does
+but a hundred things for them, for the purpose of finding out if there
+be a hundred, at first seeing that in everything they desire the most
+thorough spirit of conquest and tyranny. And this high jurisprudence
+has always flourished among the customs of Paris, where the women
+receive more wit at their baptism than in any other place in the
+world, and thus are mischievous by birth.
+
+But our silversmith, always busy at his work, burnishing gold and
+melting silver, had no time to warm his love or to burnish and make
+shine his fantasies, nor to show off, gad about, waste his time in
+mischief, or to run after she-males. Now seeing that in Paris virgins
+do not fall into the beds of young men any more than roast pheasants
+into the streets, not even when the young men are royal silversmiths,
+the Touranian had the advantage of having, as I have before observed,
+a continent member in his shirt. However, the good man could not close
+his eyes to the advantage of nature with which were so amply furnished
+the ladies with whom he dilated upon the value of his jewels. So it
+was that, after listening to the gentle discourse of the ladies, who
+tried to wheedle and to fondle him to obtain a favour from him, the
+good Touranian would return to his home, dreamy as a poet, wretched as
+a restless cuckoo, and would say to himself, "I must take to myself a
+wife. She would keep the house tidy, keep the plates hot for me, fold
+the clothes for me, sew my buttons on, sing merrily about the house,
+tease me to do everything according to her taste, would say to me as
+they all say to their husbands when they want a jewel, 'Oh, my own
+pet, look at this, is it not pretty?' And every one in the quarter
+will think of my wife and then of me, and say 'There's a happy man.'
+Then the getting married, the bridal festivities, to fondle Madame
+Silversmith, to dress her superbly, give her a fine gold chain, to
+worship her from crown to toe, to give her the whole management of the
+house, except the cash, to give her a nice little room upstairs, with
+good windows, pretty, and hung around with tapestry, with a wonderful
+chest in it and a fine large bed, with twisted columns and curtains of
+yellow silk. He would buy her beautiful mirrors, and there would
+always be a dozen or so of children, his and hers, when he came home
+to greet him." Then wife and children would vanish into the clouds. He
+transferred his melancholy imaginings to fantastic designs, fashioned
+his amorous thoughts into grotesque jewels that pleased their buyers
+well, they not knowing how many wives and children were lost in the
+productions of the good man, who, the more talent he threw into his
+art, the more disordered he became. Now if God had not had pity upon
+him, he would have quitted this world without knowing what love was,
+but would have known it in the other without that metamorphosis of the
+flesh which spares it, according to Monsieur Plato, a man of some
+authority, but who, not being a Christian, was wrong. But, there!
+these preparatory digressions are the idle digressions and fastidious
+commentaries which certain unbelievers compel a man to wind about a
+tale, swaddling clothes about an infant when it should run about stark
+naked. May the great devil give them a clyster with his red-hot
+three-pronged fork. I am going on with my story now without further
+circumlocution.
+
+This is what happened to the silversmith in the one-and-fortieth year
+of his age. One Sabbath-day while walking on the left bank of the
+Seine, led by an idle fancy, he ventured as far as that meadow which
+has since been called the Pre-aux-Clercs and which at that time was in
+the domain of the abbey of St. Germain, and not in that of the
+University. There, still strolling on the Touranian found himself in
+the open fields, and there met a poor young girl who, seeing that he
+was well-dressed, curtsied to him, saying "Heaven preserve you,
+monseigneur." In saying this her voice had such sympathetic sweetness
+that the silversmith felt his soul ravished by this feminine melody,
+and conceived an affection for the girl, the more so as, tormented
+with ideas of marriage as he was, everything was favourable thereto.
+Nevertheless, as he had passed the wench by he dared not go back,
+because he was as timid as a young maid who would die in her
+petticoats rather than raise them for her pleasure. But when he was a
+bowshot off he bethought him that he was a man who for ten years had
+been a master silversmith, had become a citizen, and was a man of
+mark, and could look a woman in the face if his fancy so led him, the
+more so as his imagination had great power over him. So he turned
+suddenly back, as if he had changed the direction of his stroll, and
+came upon the girl, who held by an old cord her poor cow, who was
+munching grass that had grown on the border of a ditch at the side of
+the road.
+
+"Ah, my pretty one," said he, "you are not overburdened with the goods
+of this world that you thus work with your hands upon the Lord's Day.
+Are you not afraid of being cast into prison?"
+
+"Monseigneur," replied the maid, casting down her eyes, "I have
+nothing to fear, because I belong to the abbey. The Lord Abbot has
+given me leave to exercise the cow after vespers."
+
+"You love your cow, then, more than the salvation of your soul?"
+
+"Ah, monseigneur, our beast is almost the half of our poor lives."
+
+"I am astonished, my girl, to see you poor and in rags, clothed like a
+fagot, running barefoot about the fields on the Sabbath, when you
+carry about you more treasures than you could dig up in the grounds of
+the abbey. Do not the townspeople pursue, and torment you with love?"
+
+"Oh, never monseigneur. I belong to the abbey", replied she, showing
+the jeweller a collar on her left arm like those that the beasts of
+the field have, but without the little bell, and at the same time
+casting such a deplorable glance at our townsman that he was stricken
+quite sad, for by the eyes are communicated contagions of the heart
+when they are strong.
+
+"And what does this mean?" he said, wishing to hear all about it.
+
+And he touched the collar, upon which was engraved the arms of the
+abbey very distinctly, but which he did not wish to see.
+
+"Monseigneur, I am the daughter of an homme de corps; thus whoever
+unites himself to me by marriage, will become a bondsman, even if he
+were a citizen of Paris, and would belong body and goods to the abbey.
+If he loved me otherwise, his children would still belong to the
+domain. For this reason I am neglected by everyone, abandoned like a
+poor beast of the field. But what makes me most unhappy is, that
+according to the pleasure of monseigneur the abbot, I shall be coupled
+at some time with a bondsman. And if I were less ugly than I am, at
+the sight of my collar the most amorous would flee from me as from the
+black plague."
+
+So saying, she pulled her cow by the cord to make it follow her.
+
+"And how old are you?" asked the silversmith.
+
+"I do not know, monseigneur; but our master, the abbot, has kept
+account."
+
+This great misery touched the heart of the good man, who had in his
+day eaten the bread of sorrow. He regulated his pace to the girl's,
+and they went together towards the water in painful silence. The good
+man gazed at the fine forehead, the round red arms, the queen's waist,
+the feet dusty, but made like those of a Virgin Mary; and the sweet
+physiognomy of this girl, who was the living image of St. Genevieve,
+the patroness of Paris, and the maidens who live in the fields. And
+make sure that this Joseph suspected the pretty white of this sweet
+girl's breasts, which were by a modest grace carefully covered with an
+old rag, and looked at them as a schoolboy looks at a rosy apple on a
+hot day. Also, may you depend upon it that these little hillocks of
+nature denoted a wench fashioned with delicious perfection, like
+everything that the monks possess. Now, the more it was forbidden our
+silversmith to touch them, the more his mouth watered for these fruits
+of love. And his heart leaped almost into his mouth.
+
+"You have a fine cow," said he.
+
+"Would you like a little milk?" replied she. "It is so warm these
+early days of May. You are far from the town."
+
+In truth, the sky was a cloudless blue, and glared like a forge.
+Everything was radiant with youth, the leaves, the air, the girls, the
+lads; everything was burning, was green, and smelt like balm. This
+naive offer, made without the hope of recompense, though a byzant
+would not have paid for the special grace of this speech; and the
+modesty of the gesture with which the poor girl turned to him gained
+the heart of the jeweller, who would have liked to be able to put this
+bondswoman into the skin of a queen, and Paris at her feet.
+
+"Nay, my child, I thirst not for milk, but for you, whom I would have
+leave to liberate."
+
+"That cannot be, and I shall die the property of the abbey. For years
+we have lived so, from father to son, from mother to daughter. Like my
+ancestors, I shall pass my days on this land, as will also my
+children, because the abbot cannot legally let us go."
+
+"What!" said the Touranian; "has no gallant been tempted by your
+bright eyes to buy your liberty, as I bought mine from the king?"
+
+"It would cost too dear; thus it is those whom at first sight I
+please, go as they came."
+
+"And you have never thought of gaining another country in company of a
+lover on horseback on a fleet courser?"
+
+"Oh yes. But, monseigneur, if I were caught I should be hanged at
+least; and my gallant, even were he a lord, would lose more than one
+domain over it, besides other things. I am not worth so much; besides,
+the abbey has arms longer than my feet are swift. So I live on in
+perfect obedience to God, who has placed me in this plight."
+
+"What is your father?"
+
+"He tends the vines in the gardens of the abbey."
+
+"And your mother?"
+
+"She is a washerwoman."
+
+"And what is your name?"
+
+"I have no name, dear sir. My father was baptised Etienne, my mother
+is Etienne, and I am Tiennette, at your service."
+
+"Sweetheart," said the jeweller, "never has woman pleased me as you
+please me; and I believe that your heart contains a wealth of
+goodness. Now, since you offered yourself to my eyes at the moment
+when I was firmly deliberating upon taking a companion, I believe that
+I see in you a sign from heaven! And if I am not displeasing to you, I
+beg you to accept me as your friend."
+
+Immediately the maid lowered her eyes. These words were uttered in
+such a way, in so grave a tone, so penetrating a manner, that the said
+Tiennette burst into tears.
+
+"No, monseigneur, I should be the cause of a thousand
+unpleasantnesses, and of your misfortune. For a poor bondsmaid, the
+conversation has gone far enough."
+
+"Ho!" cried Anseau; "you do not know, my child, the man you are
+dealing with."
+
+The Touranian crossed himself, joined his hands, and said--
+
+"I make a vow to Monsieur the Saint Eloi, under whose invocation are
+the silversmiths, to fashion two images of pure silver, with the best
+workmanship I am able to perform. One shall be a statue of Madame the
+Virgin, to this end, to thank her for the liberty of my dear wife; and
+the other for my said patron, if I am successful in my undertaking to
+liberate the bondswoman Tiennette here present, and for which I rely
+upon his assistance. Moreover, I swear by my eternal salvation, to
+persevere with courage in this affair, to spend therein all I process,
+and only to quit it with my life. God has heard me," said he. "And
+you, little one," he added, turning towards the maid.
+
+"Ha! monseigneur, look! My cow is running about the fields," cried
+she, sobbing at the good man's knees. "I will love you all my life;
+but withdraw your vow."
+
+"Let us to look after the cow," said the silversmith, raising her,
+without daring yet to kiss her, although the maid was well disposed to
+it.
+
+"Yes," said she, "for I shall be beaten."
+
+And behold now the silversmith, scampering after the cursed cow, who
+gave no heed to their amours; she was taken by the horns, and held in
+the grip of the Touranian, who for a trifle would have thrown her in
+the air, like a straw.
+
+"Adieu, my sweet one! If you go into the town, come to my house, over
+against St Leu's Church. I am called Master Anseau, and am silversmith
+to the King of France, at the sign of St. Eloi. Make me a promise to
+be in this field the next Lord's-Day; fail not to come, even should it
+rain halberds."
+
+"Yes, dear Sir. For this I would leap the walls, and, in gratitude,
+would I be yours without mischief, and cause you no sorrow, at the
+price of my everlasting future. Awaiting the happy moment, I will pray
+God for you with all my heart."
+
+And then she remained standing like a stone saint, moving not, until
+she could see the good citizen no longer, and he went away with
+lagging steps, turning from time to time further to gaze upon her. And
+when he was far off, and out of her sight, she stayed on, until
+nightfall, lost in meditation, knowing not if she had dreamed that
+which had happened to her. Then she went back to the house, where she
+was beaten for staying out, but felt not the blows. The good
+silversmith could neither eat nor drink, but closed his workshop,
+possessed of this girl, thinking of nothing but this girl, seeing
+everywhere the girl; everything to him being to possess this girl. Now
+when the morrow was come, he went with great apprehension towards the
+abbey to speak to the lord abbot. On the road, however, he suddenly
+thought of putting himself under the protection of one of the king's
+people, and with this idea returned to the court, which was then held
+in the town. Being esteemed by all for his prudence, and loved for his
+little works and kindnesses, the king's chamberlain--for whom he had
+once made, for a present to a lady of the court, a golden casket set
+with precious stones and unique of its kind--promised him assistance,
+had a horse saddled for himself, and a hack for the silversmith, with
+whom he set out for the abbey, and asked to see the abbot, who was
+Monseigneur Hugon de Sennecterre, aged ninety-three. Being come into
+the room with the silversmith, waiting nervously to receive his
+sentence, the chamberlain begged the abbot to sell him in advance a
+thing which was easy for him to sell, and which would be pleasant to
+him.
+
+To which the abbot replied, looking at the chamberlain--
+
+"That the canons inhibited and forbade him thus to engage his word."
+
+"Behold, my dear father," said the chamberlain, "the jeweller of the
+Court who has conceived a great love for a bondswoman belonging to
+your abbey, and I request you, in consideration of my obliging you in
+any such desire as you may wish to see accomplished, to emancipate
+this maid."
+
+"Which is she?" asked the abbot of the citizen.
+
+"Her name is Tiennette," answered the silversmith, timidly.
+
+"Ho! ho!" said the good old Hugon, smiling. "The angler has caught us
+a good fish! This is a grave business, and I know not how to decide by
+myself."
+
+"I know, my father, what those words mean," said that chamberlain,
+knitting his brows.
+
+"Fine sir," said the abbot, "know you what this maid is worth?"
+
+The abbot ordered Tiennette to be fetched, telling his clerk to dress
+her in her finest clothes, and to make her look as nice as possible.
+
+"Your love is in danger," said that chamberlain to the silversmith,
+pulling him on one side. "Dismiss this fantasy. You can meet anywhere,
+even at Court, with women of wealth, young and pretty, who would
+willingly marry you. For this, if need be, the king would assist you
+by giving you some title, which in course of time would enable you to
+found a good family. Are you sufficiently well furnished with crowns
+to become the founder of a noble line?"
+
+"I know not, monseigneur," replied Anseau. "I have put money by."
+
+"Then see if you cannot buy the manumission of this maid. I know the
+monks. With them money does everything."
+
+"Monseigneur," said the silversmith to the abbot, coming towards him,
+"you have the charge and office representing here below the goodness
+of God, who is often clement towards us, and has infinite treasures of
+mercy for our sorrows. Now, I will remember you each evening and each
+morning in my prayers, and never forget that I received my happiness
+at your hands, if you aid me to gain this maid in lawful wedlock,
+without keeping in servitude the children born of this union. And for
+this I will make you a receptacle for the Holy Eucharist, so
+elaborate, so rich with gold, precious stones and winged angels, that
+no other shall be like it in all Christendom. It shall remain unique,
+it shall dazzle your eyesight, and shall be so far the glory of your
+altar, that the people of the towns and foreign nobles shall rush to
+it, so magnificent shall it be."
+
+"My son," replied the abbot "have you lost your senses? If you are so
+resolved to have this wench for a legal wife, your goods and your
+person belong to the Chapter of the abbey."
+
+"Yes, monseigneur, I am passionately in love with this girl, and more
+touched with her misery and her Christian heart than even with her
+perfections; but I am," said he, with tears in his eyes, "still more
+astonished at your harshness, and I say it although I know that my
+fate is in your hands. Yes, monseigneur, I know the law; and if my
+goods fall to your domain, if I become a bondsman, if I lose my house
+and my citizenship, I will still keep that engine, gained by my
+labours and my studies, on which lies there," cried he, striking his
+forehead "in a place of which no one, save God, can be lord but
+myself. And your whole abbey could not pay for the special creations
+which proceed therefrom. You may have my body, my wife, my children,
+but nothing shall get you my engine; nay, not even torture, seeing
+that I am stronger than iron is hard, and more patient than sorrow is
+great."
+
+So saying, the silversmith, enraged by the calmness of the abbot, who
+seemed resolved to acquire for the abbey the good man's doubloons,
+brought down his fist upon an oaken chair and shivered it into
+fragments, for it split as under the blow of a mace.
+
+"Behold, monseigneur, what kind of servant you will have, and of an
+artificer of things divine you will make a mere cart-horse."
+
+"My son," replied the abbot, "you have wrongfully broken my chair, and
+lightly judged my mind. This wench belongs to the abbey and not to me.
+I am the faithful servant of the rights and customs of this glorious
+monastery; although I might grant this woman license to bear free
+children, I am responsible for this to God and to the abbey. Now,
+since there was here an altar, bondsmen and monks, _id est_, from time
+immemorial, there has never occurred the case of a citizen becoming
+the property of the abbey by marriage with a bondswoman. Now,
+therefore, is there need to exercise the right, and to make use of it
+so that it would not be lost, weakened, worn out, or fallen into
+disuse, which would occasion a thousand difficulties. And this is of
+higher advantage to the State and to the abbey than your stones,
+however beautiful they be, seeing that we have treasure wherewith to
+buy rare jewels, and that no treasure can establish customs and laws.
+I call upon the king's chamberlain to bear witness to the infinite
+pains which his majesty takes every day to fight for the establishment
+of his orders."
+
+"That is to close my mouth," said the chamberlain.
+
+The silversmith, who was not a great scholar, remained thoughtful.
+Then came Tiennette, clean as a new pin, her hair raised up, dressed
+in a robe of white wool with a blue sash, with tiny shoes and white
+stockings; in fact, so royally beautiful, so noble in her bearing was
+she, that the silversmith was petrified with ecstasy, and the
+chamberlain confessed he had never seen so perfect a creature.
+Thinking there was too much danger in this sight for the poor
+jeweller, he led him into the town, and begged him to think no further
+of the affair, since the abbey was not likely to liberate so good a
+bait for the citizens and nobles of the Parisian stream. In fact, the
+Chapter let the poor lover know that if he married this girl he must
+resolve to yield up his goods and his house to the abbey, consider
+himself a bondsman, both he and the children of the aforesaid
+marriage; although, by a special grace, the abbey would let him his
+house on the condition of his giving an inventory of his furniture and
+paying a yearly rent, and coming during eight days to live in a shed
+adjoining the domain, thus performing an act of service. The
+silversmith, to whom everyone spoke of the cupidity of the monks, saw
+clearly that the abbot would incommutably maintain this order, and his
+soul was filled with despair. At one time he determined to burn down
+the monastery; at another, he proposed to lure the abbot into a place
+where he could torment him until he had signed a charter for
+Tiennette's liberation; in fact a thousand ideas possessed his brain,
+and as quickly evaporated. But after much lamentation he determined to
+carry off the girl, and fly with her into her a sure place from which
+nothing could draw him, and made his preparations accordingly; for
+once out of the kingdom, his friends or the king could better tackle
+the monks and bring them to reason. The good man counted, however,
+without his abbot, for going to the meadows, he found Tiennette no
+more there, and learned that she was confined in the abbey, and with
+much rigour, that to get at her it would be necessary to lay siege to
+the monastery. Then Master Anseau passed his time in tears,
+complaints, and lamentations; and all the city, the townspeople, and
+housewives, talked of his adventure, the noise of which was so great,
+that the king sent for the old abbot to court, and demanded of him why
+he did not yield under the circumstances to the great love of the
+silversmith, and why he did not put into practice Christian charity.
+
+"Because, monseigneur," replied the priest, "all rights are knit
+together like the pieces of a coat of mail, and if one makes default,
+all fail. If this girl was taken from us against our wish, and if the
+custom were not observed, your subjects would soon take off your
+crown, and raise up in various places violence and sedition, in order
+to abolish the taxes and imposts that weigh upon the populace."
+
+The king's mouth was closed. Everyone was eager to know the end of
+this adventure. So great was the curiosity that certain lords wagered
+that the Touranian would desist from his love, and the ladies wagered
+to the contrary. The silversmith having complained to the queen that
+the monks had hidden his well-beloved from his sight, she found the
+deed detestable and horrible; and in consequence of her commands to
+the lord abbot it was permitted to the Touranian to go every day into
+the parlour of the abbey, where came Tiennette, but under the control
+of an old monk, and she always came attired in great splendour like a
+lady. The two lovers had no other license than to see each other, and
+to speak to each other, without being able to snatch the smallest atom
+of pleasure, and always grew their love more powerful.
+
+One day Tiennette discoursed thus with her lover--"My dear lord, I
+have determined to make you a gift of my life, in order to relieve
+your suffering, and in this wise; in informing myself concerning
+everything I have found a means to set aside the rights of the abbey,
+and to give you all the joy you hope for from my fruition."
+
+"The ecclesiastical judge has ruled that as you become a bondsman only
+by accession, and because you were not born a bondsman, your servitude
+will cease with the cause that makes you a serf. Now, if you love me
+more than all else, lose your goods to purchase our happiness, and
+espouse me. Then when you have had your will of me, when you have
+hugged me and embraced me to your heart's content, before I have
+offspring will I voluntarily kill myself, and thus you become free
+again; at least you will have the king on your side, who, it is said,
+wishes you well. And without doubt, God will pardon me that I cause my
+own death, in order to deliver my lord spouse."
+
+"My dear Tiennette," cried the jeweller, "it is finished--I will be a
+bondsman, and thou wilt live to make my happiness as long as my days.
+In thy company, the hardest chains will weigh but lightly, and little
+shall I reck the want of gold, when all my riches are in thy heart,
+and my only pleasure in thy sweet body. I place myself in the hands of
+St. Eloi, will deign in this misery to look upon us with pitying eyes,
+and guard us from all evils. Now I shall go hence to a scrivener to
+have the deeds and contracts drawn up. At least, dear flower of my
+days, thou shalt be gorgeously attired, well housed, and served like a
+queen during thy lifetime, since the lord abbot leaves me the earnings
+of my profession."
+
+Tiennette, crying and laughing, tried to put off her good fortune and
+wished to die, rather than reduce to slavery a free man; but the good
+Anseau whispered such soft words to her, and threatened so firmly to
+follow her to the tomb, that she agreed to the said marriage, thinking
+that she could always free herself after having tasted the pleasures
+of love.
+
+When the submission of the Touranian became known in the town, and
+that for his sweetheart he yielded up his wealth and his liberty,
+everyone wished to see him. The ladies of the court encumbered
+themselves with jewels, in order to speak with him, and there fell
+upon him as from the clouds women enough to make up for the time he
+had been without them; but if any of them approached Tiennette in
+beauty, none had her heart. To be brief, when the hour of slavery and
+love was at hand, Anseau remolded all of his gold into a royal crown,
+in which he fixed all his pearls and diamonds, and went secretly to
+the queen, and gave it to her, saying, "Madame, I know not how to
+dispose of my fortune, which you here behold. Tomorrow everything that
+is found in my house will be the property of the cursed monks, who
+have had no pity on me. Then deign, madame, to accept this. It is a
+slight return for the joy which, through you, I have experienced in
+seeing her I love; for no sum of money is worth one of her glances. I
+do not know what will become of me, but if one day my children are
+delivered, I rely upon your queenly generosity."
+
+"Well said, good man," cried the king. "The abbey will one day need my
+aid and I will not lose the remembrance of this."
+
+There was a vast crowd at the abbey for the nuptials of Tiennette, to
+whom the queen presented the bridal dress, and to whom the king
+granted a licence to wear every day golden rings in her ears. When the
+charming pair came from the abbey to the house of Anseau (now serf)
+over against St. Leu, there were torches at the windows to see them
+pass, and a double line in the streets, as though it were a royal
+entry. The poor husband had made himself a collar of gold, which he
+wore on his left arm in token of his belonging to the abbey of St.
+Germain. But in spite of his servitude the people cried out, "Noel!
+Noel!" as to a new crowned king. And the good man bowed to them
+gracefully, happy as a lover, and joyful at the homage which every one
+rendered to the grace and modesty of Tiennette. Then the good
+Touranian found green boughs and violets in crowns in his honour; and
+the principal inhabitants of the quarter were all there, who as a
+great honour, played music to him, and cried to him, "You will always
+be a noble man in spite of the abbey." You may be sure that the happy
+pair indulged an amorous conflict to their hearts' content; that the
+good man's blows were vigorous; and that his sweetheart, like a good
+country maiden, was of a nature to return them. Thus they lived
+together a whole month, happy as the doves, who in springtime build
+their nest twig by twig. Tiennette was delighted with the beautiful
+house and the customers, who came and went away astonished at her.
+This month of flowers past, there came one day, with great pomp, the
+good old Abbot Hugon, their lord and master, who entered the house,
+which then belonged not the jeweller but to the Chapter, and said to
+the two spouses:--
+
+"My children, you are released, free and quit of everything; and I
+should tell you that from the first I was much struck with the love
+which united you one to the other. The rights of the abbey once
+recognised, I was, so far as I was concerned, determined to restore
+you to perfect enjoyment, after having proved your loyalty by the test
+of God. And this manumission will cost you nothing." Having thus said,
+he gave them each a little tap with his hand on the cheek. And they
+fell about his knees weeping tears of joy for such good reasons. The
+Touranian informed the people of the neighbourhood, who picked up in
+the street the largesse, and received the predictions of the good
+Abbott Hugon.
+
+Then it was with great honour, Master Anseau held the reins of his
+mule, so far as the gate of Bussy. During the journey the jeweller,
+who had taken a bag of silver, threw the pieces to the poor and
+suffering, crying, "Largesse, largesse to God! God save and guard the
+abbot! Long live the good Lord Hugon!" And returning to his house he
+regaled his friends, and had fresh wedding festivities, which lasted a
+fortnight. You can imagine that the abbot was reproached by the
+Chapter, for his clemency in opening the door for such good prey to
+escape, so that when a year after the good man Hugon fell ill, his
+prior told him that it was a punishment from Heaven because he had
+neglected the sacred interests of the Chapter and of God.
+
+"If I have judged that man aright," said the abbot, "he will not
+forget what he owes us."
+
+In fact, this day happening by chance to be the anniversary of the
+marriage, a monk came to announce that the silversmith supplicated his
+benefactor to receive him. Soon he entered the room where the abbot
+was, and spread out before him two marvellous shrines, which since
+that time no workman has surpassed, in any portion of the Christian
+world, and which were named "Vow of a Steadfast Love." These two
+treasures are, as everyone knows, placed on the principal altar of the
+church, and are esteemed as an inestimable work, for the silversmith
+had spent therein all his wealth. Nevertheless, this wealth, far from
+emptying his purse, filled it full to overflowing, because so rapidly
+increased his fame and his fortune that he was able to buy a patent of
+nobility and lands, and he founded the house of Anseau, which has
+since been held in great honour in fair Touraine.
+
+This teaches us to have always recourse to God and the saints in all
+the undertakings of life, to be steadfast in all things, and, above
+all, that a great love triumphs over everything, which is an old
+sentence; but the author has rewritten it because it is a most
+pleasant one.
+
+
+
+         CONCERNING A PROVOST WHO DID NOT RECOGNISE THINGS
+
+In the good town of Bourges, at the time when that lord the king
+disported himself there, who afterwards abandoned his search after
+pleasure to conquer the kingdom, and did indeed conquer it, lived
+there a provost, entrusted by him with the maintenance of order, and
+called the provost-royal. From which came, under the glorious son of
+the said king, the office of provost of the hotel, in which behaved
+rather harshly my lord Tristan of Mere, of whom these tales oft make
+mention, although he was by no means a merry fellow. I give this
+information to the friends who pilfer from old manuscripts to
+manufacture new ones, and I show thereby how learned these Tales
+really are, without appearing to be so. Very well, then, this provost
+was named Picot or Picault, of which some made picotin, picoter, and
+picoree; by some Pitot or Pitaut, from which comes _pitance_; by
+others in Languedoc, Pichot from which comes nothing comes worth
+knowing; by these Petiot or Petiet; by those Petitot and Petinault, or
+Petiniaud, which was the masonic appellation; but at Bourges he was
+called Petit, a name which was eventually adopted by the family, which
+has multiplied exceedingly, for everywhere you find "_des Petits_,"
+and so he will be called Petit in this narrative. I have given this
+etymology in order to throw a light on our language, and show how our
+citizens have finished by acquiring names. But enough of science.
+
+This said provost, who had as many names as there were provinces into
+which the court went, was in reality a little bit of a man, whose
+mother had given him so strange a hide, that when he wanted to laugh
+he used to stretch his cheeks like a cow making water, and this smile
+at court was called the provost's smile. One day the king, hearing
+this proverbial expression used by certain lords, said jokingly--
+
+"You are in error, gentlemen, Petit does not laugh, he's short of skin
+below the mouth."
+
+But with his forced laugh Petit was all the more suited to his
+occupation of watching and catching evil-doers. In fact, he was worth
+what he cost. For all malice, he was a bit of a cuckold, for all vice,
+he went to vespers, for all wisdom he obeyed God, when it was
+convenient; for all joy he had a wife in his house; and for all change
+in his joy he looked for a man to hang, and when he was asked to find
+one he never failed to meet him; but when he was between the sheets he
+never troubled himself about thieves. Can you find in all Christendom
+a more virtuous provost? No! All provosts hang too little, or too
+much, while this one just hanged as much as was necessary to be a
+provost.
+
+This good fellow had for his wife in legitimate marriage, and much to
+the astonishment of everyone, the prettiest little woman in Bourges.
+So it was that often, while on his road to the execution, he would ask
+God the same question as several others in the town did--namely, why
+he, Petit, he the sheriff, he the provost royal, had to himself,
+Petit, provost royal and sheriff, a wife so exquisitely shapely, said
+dowered with charms, that a donkey seeing her pass by would bray with
+delight. To this God vouchsafed no reply, and doubtless had his
+reasons. But the slanderous tongues of the town replied for him, that
+the young lady was by no means a maiden when she became the wife of
+Petit. Others said she did not keep her affections solely for him. The
+wags answered, that donkeys often get into fine stables. Everyone had
+taunts ready which would have made a nice little collection had anyone
+gathered them together. From them, however, it is necessary to take
+nearly four-fourths, seeing that Petit's wife was a virtuous woman,
+who had a lover for pleasure and a husband for duty. How many were
+there in the town as careful of their hearts and mouths? If you can
+point out one to me, I'll give you a kick or a half-penny, whichever
+you like. You will find some who have neither husband nor lover.
+Certain females have a lover and no husband. Ugly women have a husband
+and no lover. But to meet with a woman who, having one husband and one
+lover, keeps to the deuce without trying for the trey, there is the
+miracle, you see, you greenhorns, blockheads, and dolts! Now then, put
+the true character of this virtuous woman on the tablets of your
+memory, go your ways, and let me go mine.
+
+The good Madame Petit was not one of those ladies who are always on
+the move, running hither and thither, can't keep still a moment, but
+trot about, worrying, hurrying, chattering, and clattering, and had
+nothing in them to keep them steady, but are so light that they run
+after a gastric zephyr as after their quintessence. No; on the
+contrary, she was a good housewife, always sitting in her chair or
+sleeping in her bed, ready as a candlestick, waiting for her lover
+when her husband went out, receiving the husband when the lover had
+gone. This dear woman never thought of dressing herself only to annoy
+and make other wives jealous. Pish! She had found a better use for the
+merry time of youth, and put life into her joints in order to make the
+best use of it. Now you know the provost and his good wife.
+
+The provost's lieutenant in duties matrimonial, duties which are so
+heavy that it takes two men to execute them, was a noble lord, a
+landowner, who disliked the king exceedingly. You must bear this in
+mind, because it is one of the principal points of the story. The
+Constable, who was a thorough Scotch gentleman, had seen by chance
+Petit's wife, and wished to have a little conversation with her
+comfortably, towards the morning, just the time to tell his beads,
+which was Christianly honest, or honestly Christian, in order to argue
+with her concerning the things of science or the science of things.
+Thinking herself quite learned enough, Madame Petit, who was, as has
+been stated, a virtuous, wise, and honest wife, refused to listen to
+the said constable. After certain arguments, reasonings, tricks and
+messages, which were of no avail, he swore by his great black
+_coquedouille_ that he would rip up the gallant although he was a man
+of mark. But he swore nothing about the lady. This denotes a good
+Frenchman, for in such a dilemma there are certain offended persons
+who would upset the whole business of three persons by killing four.
+The constable wagered his big black _coquedouille_ before the king and
+the lady of Sorel, who were playing cards before supper; and his
+majesty was well pleased, because he would be relieved of this noble,
+that displeased him, and that without costing him a Thank You.
+
+"And how will you manage the affair?" said Madame de Sorel to him,
+with a smile.
+
+"Oh, oh!" replied the constable. "You may be sure, madame, I do not
+wish to lose my big black coquedouille."
+
+"What was, then, this great coquedouille?"
+
+"Ha, ha! This point is shrouded in darkness to a degree that would
+make you ruin your eyes in ancient books; but it was certainly
+something of great importance. Nevertheless, let us put on our
+spectacles, and search it out. _Douille_ signifies in Brittany, a
+girl, and _coque_ means a cook's frying pan. From this word has come
+into France that of _coquin_--a knave who eats, licks, laps, sucks,
+and fritters his money away, and gets into stews; is always in hot
+water, and eats up everything, leads an idle life, and doing this,
+becomes wicked, becomes poor, and that incites him to steal or beg.
+From this it may be concluded by the learned that the great
+coquedouille was a household utensil in the shape of a kettle used for
+cooking things."
+
+"Well," continued the constable, who was the Sieur of Richmond, "I
+will have the husband ordered to go into the country for a day and a
+night, to arrest certain peasants suspected of plotting treacherously
+with the English. Thereupon my two pigeons, believing their man
+absent, will be as merry as soldiers off duty; and, if a certain thing
+takes place, I will let loose the provost, sending him, in the king's
+name, to search the house where the couple will be, in order that he
+may slay our friend, who pretends to have this good cordelier all to
+himself."
+
+"What does this mean?" said the Lady of Beaute.
+
+"Friar . . . fryer . . . an _equivoque_," answered the king, smiling.
+
+"Come to supper," said Madame Agnes. "You are bad men, who with one
+word insult both the citizens' wives and a holy order."
+
+Now, for a long time, Madame Petit had longed to have a night of
+liberty, during which she might visit the house of the said noble,
+where she could make as much noise as she liked, without waking the
+neighbours, because at the provost's house she was afraid of being
+overheard, and had to content herself well with the pilferings of
+love, little tastes, and nibbles, daring at the most only to trot,
+while what she desired was a smart gallop. On the morrow, therefore,
+the lady's-maid went off about midday to the young lord's house, and
+told the lover--from whom she received many presents, and therefore in
+no way disliked him--that he might make his preparations for pleasure,
+and for supper, for that he might rely upon the provost's better half
+being with him in the evening both hungry and thirsty.
+
+"Good!" said he. "Tell your mistress I will not stint her in anything
+she desires."
+
+The pages of the cunning constable, who were watching the house,
+seeing the gallant prepare for his gallantries, and set out the
+flagons and the meats, went and informed their master that everything
+had happened as he wished. Hearing this, the good constable rubbed his
+hands thinking how nicely the provost would catch the pair. He
+instantly sent word to him, that by the king's express commands he was
+to return to town, in order that he might seize at the said lord's
+house an English nobleman, with whom he was vehemently suspected to be
+arranging a plot of diabolical darkness. But before he put this order
+into execution, he was to come to the king's hotel, in order that he
+might understand the courtesy to be exercised in this case. The
+provost, joyous at the chance of speaking to the king, used such
+diligence that he was in town just at that time when the two lovers
+were singing the first note of their evening hymn. The lord of
+cuckoldom and its surrounding lands, who is a strange lord, managed
+things so well, that madame was only conversing with her lord lover at
+the time that her lord spouse was talking to the constable and the
+king; at which he was pleased, and so was his wife--a case of concord
+rare in matrimony.
+
+"I was saying to monseigneur," said the constable to the provost, as
+he entered the king's apartment, "that every man in the kingdom has a
+right to kill his wife and her lover if he finds them in an act of
+infidelity. But his majesty, who is clement, argues that he has only a
+right to kill the man, and not the woman. Now what would you do, Mr.
+Provost, if by chance you found a gentleman taking a stroll in that
+fair meadow of which laws, human and divine, enjoin you alone to
+cultivate the verdure?"
+
+"I would kill everything," said the provost; "I would scrunch the five
+hundred thousand devils of nature, flower and seed, and send them
+flying, the pips and apples, the grass and the meadow, the woman and
+the man."
+
+"You would be in the wrong," said the king. "That is contrary to the
+laws of the Church and of the State; of the State, because you might
+deprive me of a subject; of the Church, because you would be sending
+an innocent to limbo unshriven."
+
+"Sire, I admire your profound wisdom, and I clearly perceive you to be
+the centre of all justice."
+
+"We can then only kill the knight--Amen," said constable, "Kill the
+horseman. Now go quickly to the house of the suspected lord, but
+without letting yourself be bamboozled, do not forget what is due to
+his position."
+
+The provost, believing he would certainly be Chancellor of France if
+he properly acquitted himself of the task, went from the castle into
+the town, took his men, arrived at the nobleman's residence, arranged
+his people outside, placed guards at all the doors, opened noiselessly
+by order of the king, climbs the stairs, asks the servants in which
+room their master is, puts them under arrest, goes up alone, and
+knocks at the door of the room where the two lovers are tilting in
+love's tournament, and says to them--
+
+"Open, in the name of our lord the king!"
+
+The lady recognised her husband's voice, and could not repress a
+smile, thinking that she had not waited for the king's orders to do
+what she had done. But after laughter came terror. Her lover took his
+cloak, threw it over him, and came to the door. There, not knowing
+that his life was in peril, he declared that he belonged to the court
+and to the king's household.
+
+"Bah!" said the provost. "I have a strict order from the king; and
+under pain of being treated as a rebel, you are bound instantly to
+receive me."
+
+Then the lord went out to him, still holding the door.
+
+"What do you want here?"
+
+"An enemy of our lord the king, whom we command you to deliver into
+our hands, otherwise you must follow me with him to the castle."
+
+This, thought the lover, is a piece of treachery on the part of the
+constable, whose proposition my dear mistress treated with scorn. We
+must get out of this scrape in some way. Then turning towards the
+provost, he went double or quits on the risk, reasoning thus with the
+cuckold:--
+
+"My friend, you know that I consider you but as gallant a man as it is
+possible for a provost to be in the discharge of his duty. Now, can I
+have confidence in you? I have here with me the fairest lady of the
+court. As for Englishmen, I have not sufficient of one to make the
+breakfast of the constable, M. de Richmond, who sends you here. This
+is (to be candid with you) the result of a bet made between myself and
+the constable, who shares it with the King. Both have wagered that
+they know who is the lady of my heart; and I have wagered to the
+contrary. No one more than myself hates the English, who took my
+estates in Piccadilly. Is it not a knavish trick to put justice in
+motion against me? Ho! Ho! my lord constable, a chamberlain is worth
+two of you, and I will beat you yet. My dear Petit, I give you
+permission to search by night and by day, every nook and cranny of my
+house. But come in here alone, search my room, turn the bed over, do
+what you like. Only allow me to cover with a cloth or a handkerchief
+this fair lady, who is at present in the costume of an archangel, in
+order that you may not know to what husband she belongs."
+
+"Willingly," said the provost. "But I am an old bird, not easily
+caught with chaff, and would like to be sure that it is really a lady
+of the court, and not an Englishman, for these English have flesh as
+white and soft as women, and I know it well, because I've hanged so
+many of them."
+
+"Well then," said the lord, "seeing of what crime I am suspected, from
+which I am bound to free myself, I will go and ask my lady-love to
+consent for a moment to abandon her modesty. She is too fond of me to
+refuse to save me from reproach. I will beg her to turn herself over
+and show you a physiognomy, which will in no way compromise her, and
+will be sufficient to enable you to recognise a noble woman, although
+she will be in a sense upside down."
+
+"All right," said the provost.
+
+The lady having heard every word, had folded up all her clothes, and
+put them under the bolster, had taken off her chemise, that her
+husband should not recognise it, had twisted her head up in a sheet,
+and had brought to light the carnal convexities which commenced where
+her spine finished.
+
+"Come in, my friend," said the lord.
+
+The provost looked up the chimney, opened the cupboard, the clothes'
+chest, felt under the bed, in the sheets, and everywhere. Then he
+began to study what was on the bed.
+
+"My lord," said he, regarding his legitimate appurtenances, "I have
+seen young English lads with backs like that. You must forgive me
+doing my duty, but I must see otherwise."
+
+"What do you call otherwise?" said the lord.
+
+"Well, the other physiognomy, or, if you prefer it, the physiognomy of
+the other."
+
+"Then you will allow madame to cover herself and arrange only to show
+you sufficient to convince you," said the lover, knowing that the lady
+had a mark or two easy to recognise. "Turn your back a moment, so that
+my dear lady may satisfy propriety."
+
+The wife smiled at her lover, kissed him for his dexterity, arranging
+herself cunningly; and the husband seeing in full that which the jade
+had never let him see before, was quite convinced that no English
+person could be thus fashioned without being a charming Englishwoman.
+
+"Yes, my lord," he whispered in the ear of his lieutenant, "this is
+certainly a lady of the court, because the towns-women are neither so
+well formed nor so charming."
+
+Then the house being thoroughly searched, and no Englishman found, the
+provost returned, as the constable had told him, to the king's
+residence.
+
+"Is he slain?" said the constable.
+
+"Who?"
+
+"He who grafted horns upon your forehead."
+
+"I only saw a lady in his couch, who seemed to be greatly enjoying
+herself with him."
+
+"You, with your own eyes, saw this woman, cursed cuckold, and you did
+not kill your rival?"
+
+"It was not a common woman, but a lady of the court."
+
+"You saw her?"
+
+"And verified her in both cases."
+
+"What do you mean by those words?" cried the king, who was bursting
+with laughter.
+
+"I say, with all the respect due to your Majesty, that I have verified
+the over and the under."
+
+"You do not, then, know the physiognomies of your own wife, you old
+fool without memory! You deserve to be hanged."
+
+"I hold those features of my wife in too great respect to gaze upon
+them. Besides she is so modest that she would die rather than expose
+an atom of her body."
+
+"True," said the king; "it was not made to be shown."
+
+"Old coquedouille! that was your wife," said the constable.
+
+"My lord constable, she is asleep, poor girl!"
+
+"Quick, quick, then! To horse! Let us be off, and if she be in your
+house I'll forgive you."
+
+Then the constable, followed by the provost, went to the latter's
+house in less time than it would have taken a beggar to empty the
+poor-box.
+
+"Hullo! there, hi!"
+
+Hearing the noise made by the men, which threatened to bring the walls
+about their ears, the maid-servant opened the door, yawning and
+stretching her arms. The constable and the provost rushed into the
+room, where, with great difficulty, they succeeded in waking the lady,
+who pretended to be terrified, and was so soundly asleep that her eyes
+were full of gum. At this the provost was in great glee, saying to the
+constable that someone had certainly deceived him, that his wife was a
+virtuous woman, and was more astonished than any of them at these
+proceedings. The constable turned on his heel and departed. The good
+provost began directly to undress to get to bed early, since this
+adventure had brought his good wife to his memory. When he was
+harnessing himself, and was knocking off his nether garments, madame,
+still astonished, said to him--
+
+"Oh, my dear husband, what is the meaning of all this uproar--this
+constable and his pages, and why did he come to see if I was asleep?
+Is it to be henceforward part of a constable's duty to look after
+our . . ."
+
+"I do not know," said the provost, interrupting her, to tell her what
+had happened to him.
+
+"And you saw without my permission a lady of the court! Ha! ha! heu!
+heu! hein!"
+
+Then she began to moan, to weep, and to cry in such a deplorable
+manner and so loudly, that her lord was quite aghast.
+
+"What's the matter, my darling? What is it? What do you want?"
+
+"Ah! You won't love me any more are after seeing how beautiful court
+ladies are!"
+
+"Nonsense, my child! They are great ladies. I don't mind telling you
+in confidence; they are great ladies in every respect."
+
+"Well," said she, "am I nicer?"
+
+"Ah," said he, "in a great measure. Yes!"
+
+"They have, then, great happiness," said she, sighing, "when I have so
+much with so little beauty."
+
+Thereupon the provost tried a better argument to argue with his good
+wife, and argued so well that she finished by allowing herself to be
+convinced that Heaven has ordained that much pleasure may be obtained
+from small things.
+
+This shows us that nothing here below can prevail against the Church
+of Cuckolds.
+
+
+
+    ABOUT THE MONK AMADOR, WHO WAS A GLORIOUS ABBOT OF TURPENAY
+
+One day that it was drizzling with rain--a time when the ladies remain
+gleefully at home, because they love the damp, and can have at their
+apron strings the men who are not disagreeable to them--the queen was
+in her chamber, at the castle of Amboise, against the window curtains.
+There, seated in her chair, she was working at a piece of tapestry to
+amuse herself, but was using her needle heedlessly, watching the rain
+fall into the Loire, and was lost in thought, where her ladies were
+following her example. The king was arguing with those of his court
+who had accompanied him from the chapel--for it was a question of
+returning to dominical vespers. His arguments, statements, and
+reasonings finished, he looked at the queen, saw that she was
+melancholy, saw that the ladies were melancholy also, and noted the
+fact that they were all acquainted with the mysteries of matrimony.
+
+"Did I not see the Abbot of Turpenay here just now?" said he.
+
+Hearing these words, there advanced towards the king the monk, who, by
+his constant petitions, rendered himself so obnoxious to Louis the
+Eleventh, that that monarch seriously commanded his provost-royal to
+remove him from his sight; and it has been related in the first volume
+of these Tales, how the monk was saved through the mistake of Sieur
+Tristan. The monk was at this time a man whose qualities had grown
+rapidly, so much so that his wit had communicated a jovial hue to his
+face. He was a great favourite with the ladies, who crammed him with
+wine, confectioneries, and dainty dishes at the dinners, suppers, and
+merry-makings, to which they invited him, because every host likes
+those cheerful guests of God with nimble jaws, who say as many words
+as they put away tit-bits. This abbot was a pernicious fellow, who
+would relate to the ladies many a merry tale, at which they were only
+offended when they had heard them; since, to judge them, things must
+be heard.
+
+"My reverend father," said the king, "behold the twilight hour, in
+which ears feminine may be regaled with certain pleasant stories, for
+the ladies can laugh without blushing, or blush without laughing, as
+it suits them best. Give us a good story--a regular monk's story. I
+shall listen to it, i'faith, with pleasure, because I want to be
+amused, and so do the ladies."
+
+"We only submit to this, in order to please your lordship," said the
+queen; "because our good friend the abbot goes a little too far."
+
+"Then," replied the king, turning towards the monk, "read us some
+Christian admonition, holy father, to amuse madame."
+
+"Sire, my sight is weak, and the day is closing."
+
+"Give us a story, then, that stops at the girdle."
+
+"Ah, sire!" said the monk, smiling, "the one I am thinking of stops
+there; but it commences at the feet."
+
+The lords present made such gallant remonstrances and supplications to
+the queen and her ladies, that, like the good Bretonne that she was,
+she gave the monk a gentle smile, and said--
+
+"As you will, my father; but you must answer to God for our sins."
+
+"Willingly, madame; if it be your pleasure to take mine, you will be a
+gainer."
+
+Everyone laughed, and so did queen. The king went and sat by his dear
+wife, well beloved by him, as everyone knows. The courtiers received
+permission to be seated--the old courtiers, of course, understood; for
+the young ones stood, by the ladies' permission, beside their chairs,
+to laugh at the same time as they did. Then the Abbot of Turpenay
+gracefully delivered himself of the following tale, the risky passages
+of which he gave in a low, soft, flute-like voice:--
+
+About a hundred years ago at the least, there occurred great quarrels
+in Christendom because there were two popes at Rome, each one
+pretending to be legitimately elected, which caused great annoyance to
+the monasteries, abbeys, and bishoprics, since, in order to be
+recognised by as many as possible, each of the two popes granted
+titles and rights to each adherent, the which made double owners
+everywhere. Under these circumstances, the monasteries and abbeys that
+were at war with their neighbours would not recognise both the popes,
+and found themselves much embarrassed by the other, who always gave
+the verdict to the enemies of the Chapter. This wicked schism brought
+about considerable mischief, and proved abundantly that error is worse
+in Christianity than the adultery of the Church.
+
+Now at this time, when the devil was making havoc among our
+possessions, the most illustrious abbey of Turpenay, of which I am at
+present the unworthy ruler, had a heavy trial on concerning the
+settlements of certain rights with the redoubtable Sire de Cande, an
+idolatrous infidel, a relapsed heretic, and most wicked lord. This
+devil, sent upon earth in the shape of a nobleman, was, to tell the
+truth, a good soldier, well received at court, and a friend of the
+Sieur Bureau de la Riviere; who was a person to whom the king was
+exceedingly partial--King Charles the Fifth, of glorious memory.
+Beneath the shelter of the favour of this Sieur de la Riviere, Lord of
+Cande did exactly as he pleased in the valley of the Indre, where he
+used to be master of everything, from Montbazon to Usse. You may be
+sure that his neighbours were terribly afraid of him, and to save
+their skulls let him have his way. They would, however, have preferred
+him under the ground to above it, and heartily wished him bad luck;
+but he troubled himself little about that. In the whole valley the
+noble abbey alone showed fight to this demon, for it has always been a
+doctrine of the Church to take into her lap the weak and suffering,
+and use every effort to protect the oppressed, especially those whose
+rights and privileges are menaced.
+
+For this reason this rough warrior hated monks exceedingly, especially
+those of Turpenay, who would not allow themselves to be robbed of
+their rights either by force or stratagem. He was well pleased at the
+ecclesiastical schism, and waited the decision of our abbey,
+concerning which pope they should choose, to pillage them, being quite
+ready to recognise the one to whom the abbot of Turpenay should refuse
+his obedience. Since his return to his castle, it was his custom to
+torment and annoy the priests whom he encountered upon his domains in
+such a manner, that a poor monk, surprised by him on his private road,
+which was by the water-side, perceived no other method of safety then
+to throw himself into the river, where, by a special miracle of the
+Almighty, whom the good man fervently invoked, his gown floated him on
+the Indre, and he made his way comfortably to the other side, which he
+attained in full view of the lord of Cande, who was not ashamed to
+enjoy the terrors of a servant of God. Now you see of what stuff this
+horrid man was made. The abbot, to whom at that time, the care of our
+glorious abbey was committed, led a most holy life, and prayed to God
+with devotion; but he would have saved his own soul ten times, of such
+good quality was his religion, before finding a chance to save the
+abbey itself from the clutches of this wretch. Although he was very
+perplexed, and saw the evil hour at hand, he relied upon God for
+succour, saying that he would never allow the property of the Church
+to be touched, and that He who had raised up the Princess Judith for
+the Hebrews, and Queen Lucretia for the Romans, would keep his most
+illustrious abbey of Turpenay, and indulged in other equally sapient
+remarks. But his monks, who--to our shame I confess it--were
+unbelievers, reproached him with his happy-go-lucky way of looking at
+things, and declared that, to bring the chariot of Providence to the
+rescue in time, all the oxen in the province would have to be yoked
+it; that the trumpets of Jericho were no longer made in any portion of
+the world; that God was disgusted with His creation, and would have
+nothing more to do with it: in short, a thousand and one things that
+were doubts and contumelies against God.
+
+At this desperate juncture there rose up a monk named Amador. This
+name had been given him by way of a joke, since his person offered a
+perfect portrait of the false god Aegipan. He was like him, strong in
+the stomach; like him, had crooked legs; arms hairy as those of a
+saddler, a back made to carry a wallet, a face as red as the phiz of a
+drunkard, glistening eyes, a tangled beard, was hairy faced, and so
+puffed out with fat and meat that you would have fancied him in an
+interesting condition. You may be sure that he sung his matins on the
+steps of the wine-cellar, and said his vespers in the vineyards of
+Lord. He was as fond of his bed as a beggar with sores, and would go
+about the valley fuddling, faddling, blessing the bridals, plucking
+the grapes, and giving them to the girls to taste, in spite of the
+prohibition of the abbot. In fact, he was a pilferer, a loiterer, and
+a bad soldier of the ecclesiastical militia, of whom nobody in the
+abbey took any notice, but let him do as he liked from motives of
+Christian charity, thinking him mad.
+
+Amador, knowing that it was a question of the ruin of the Abbey, in
+which he was as snug as a bug in a rug, put up his bristles, took
+notice of this and of that, went into each of the cells, listened in
+the refectory, shivered in his shoes, and declared that he would
+attempt to save the abbey. He took cognisance of the contested points,
+received from the abbot permission to postpone the case, and was
+promised by the whole Chapter the Office of sub-prior if he succeeded
+in putting an end to the litigation. Then he set off across the
+country, heedless of the cruelty and ill-treatment of the Sieur de
+Cande, saying that he had that within his gown which would subdue him.
+He went his way with nothing but the said gown for his viaticum: but
+then in it was enough fat to feed a dwarf. He selected to go to the
+chateau, a day when it rained hard enough to fill the tubs of all the
+housewives, and arrived without meeting a soul, in sight of Cande, and
+looking like a drowned dog, stepped bravely into the courtyard, and
+took shelter under a sty-roof to wait until the fury of the elements
+had calmed down, and placed himself boldly in front of the room where
+the owner of the chateau should be. A servant perceiving him while
+laying the supper, took pity on him, and told him to make himself
+scarce, otherwise his master would give him a horsewhipping, just to
+open the conversation, and asked him what made him so bold as to enter
+a house where monks were hated more than a red leper.
+
+"Ah!" said Amador, "I am on my way to Tours, sent thither by my lord
+abbot. If the lord of Cande were not so bitter against the poor
+servant of God, I should not be kept during such a deluge in the
+courtyard, but in the house. I hope that he will find mercy in his
+hour of need."
+
+The servant reported these words to his master, who at first wished to
+have the monk thrown into the big trough of the castle among the other
+filth. But the lady of Cande, who had great authority over her spouse,
+and was respected by him, because through her he expected a large
+inheritance, and because she was a little tyrannical, reprimanded him,
+saying, that it was possible this monk was a Christian; that in such
+weather thieves would succour an officer of justice; that, besides, it
+was necessary to treat him well to find out to what decision the
+brethren of Turpenay had come with regard to the schism business, and
+that her advice was put an end by kindness and not by force to the
+difficulties arisen between the abbey and the domain of Cande, because
+no lord since the coming of Christ had ever been stronger than the
+Church, and that sooner or later the abbey would ruin the castle;
+finally, she gave utterance to a thousand wise arguments, such as
+ladies use in the height of the storms of life, when they have had
+about enough of them. Amador's face was so piteous, his appearance so
+wretched, and so open to banter, that the lord, saddened by the
+weather, conceived the idea of enjoying a joke at his expense,
+tormenting him, playing tricks on him, and of giving him a lively
+recollection of his reception at the chateau. Then this gentleman, who
+had secret relations with his wife's maid, sent this girl, who was
+called Perrotte, to put an end to his ill-will towards the luckless
+Amador. As soon as the plot had been arranged between them, the wench,
+who hated monks, in order to please her master, went to the monk, who
+was standing under the pigsty, assuming a courteous demeanour in order
+the better to please him, said--
+
+"Holy father, the master of the house is ashamed to see a servant of
+God out in the rain when there is room for him indoors, a good fire in
+the chimney, and a table spread. I invite you in his name and that of
+the lady of the house to step in."
+
+"I thank the lady and lord, not for their hospitality which is a
+Christian thing, but for having sent as an ambassador to me, a poor
+sinner, an angel of such delicate beauty that I fancy I see the Virgin
+over our altar."
+
+Saying which, Amador raised his nose in the air, and saluted with the
+two flakes of fire that sparkled in his bright eyes the pretty
+maidservant, who thought him neither so ugly nor so foul, nor so
+bestial; when, following Perrotte up the steps, Amador received on the
+nose, cheeks, and other portions of his face a slash of the whip,
+which made him see all the lights of the Magnificat, so well was the
+dose administered by the Sieur de Cande, who, busy chastening his
+greyhounds pretended not see the monk. He requested Amador to pardon
+him this accident, and ran after the dogs who had caused the mischief
+to his guest. The laughing servant, who knew what was coming, had
+dexterously kept out of the way. Noticing this business, Amador
+suspected the relations of Perrotte and the chevalier, concerning whom
+it is possible that the lasses of the valley had already whispered
+something into his ear. Of the people who were then in the room not
+one made room for the man of God, who remained right in the draught
+between the door and the window, where he stood freezing until the
+moment when the Sieur de Cande, his wife, and his aged sister,
+Mademoiselle de Cande, who had the charge of the young heiress of the
+house, aged about sixteen years, came and sat in their chairs at the
+head of the table, far from the common people, according to the old
+custom usual among the lords of the period, much to their discredit.
+
+The Sieur de Cande, paying no attention to the monk, let him sit at
+the extreme end of the table, in a corner, where two mischievous lads
+had orders to squeeze and elbow him. Indeed these fellows worried his
+feet, his body, and his arms like real torturers, poured white wine
+into his goblet for water, in order to fuddle him, and the better to
+amuse themselves with him; but they made him drink seven large jugfuls
+without making belch, break wind, sweat or snort, which horrified them
+exceedingly, especially as his eye remained as clear as crystal.
+Encouraged, however, by a glance from their lord, they still kept
+throwing, while bowing to him, gravy into his beard, and wiping it dry
+in a manner to tear every hair of it out. The varlet who served a
+caudle baptised his head with it, and took care to let the burning
+liquor trickle down poor Amador's backbone. All this agony he endured
+with meekness, because the spirit of God was in him, and also the hope
+of finishing the litigation by holding out in the castle.
+Nevertheless, the mischievous lot burst out into such roars of
+laughter at the warm baptism given by the cook's lad to the soaked
+monk, even the butler making jokes at his expense, that the lady of
+Cande was compelled to notice what was going on at the end of the
+table. Then she perceived Amador, who had a look of sublime
+resignation upon his face, and was endeavouring to get something out
+of the big beef bones that had been put upon his pewter platter. At
+this moment the poor monk, who had administered a dexterous blow of
+the knife to a big ugly bone, took it into his hairy hands, snapped it
+in two, sucked the warm marrow out of it, and found it good.
+
+"Truly," said she to herself, "God has put great strength into this
+monk!"
+
+At the same time she seriously forbade the pages, servants, and others
+to torment the poor man, to whom out of mockery they had just given
+some rotten apples and maggoty nuts. He, perceiving that the old lady
+and her charge, the lady and the servants had seen him manoeuvring the
+bone, pushed backed his sleeve, showed the powerful muscles of his
+arm, placed nuts near his wrist on the bifurcation of the veins, and
+crushed them one by one by pressing them with the palm of his hand so
+vigorously that they appeared like ripe medlars. He also crunched them
+between his teeth, white as the teeth of a dog, husk, shell, fruit,
+and all, of which he made in a second a mash which he swallowed like
+honey. He crushed them between two fingers, which he used like
+scissors to cut them in two without a moment's hesitation.
+
+You may be sure that the women were silent, that the men believed the
+devil to be in the monk; and had it not been for his wife and the
+darkness of the night, the Sieur de Cande, having the fear of God
+before his eyes, would have kicked him out of the house. Everyone
+declared that the monk was a man capable of throwing the castle into
+the moat. Therefore, as soon as everyone had wiped his mouth, my lord
+took care to imprison this devil, whose strength was terrible to
+behold, and had him conducted to a wretched little closet where
+Perrotte had arranged her machine in order to annoy him during the
+night. The tom-cats of the neighbourhood had been requested to come
+and confess to him, invited to tell him their sins in embryo towards
+the tabbies who attracted their affections, and also the little pigs
+for whom fine lumps of tripe had been placed under the bed in order to
+prevent them becoming monks, of which they were very desirous, by
+disgusting them with the style of libera, which the monk would sing to
+them. At every movement of poor Amador, who would find short
+horse-hair in the sheets, he would bring down cold water on to the bed,
+and a thousand other tricks were arranged, such are usually practised
+in castles. Everyone went to bed in expectation of the nocturnal revels
+of the monk, certain that they would not be disappointed, since he had
+been lodged under the tiles at the top of a little tower, the guard of
+the door of which was committed to dogs who howled for a bit of him.
+In order to ascertain what language the conversations with the cats
+and pigs would be carried on, the Sire came to stay with his dear
+Perrotte, who slept in the next room.
+
+As soon as he found himself thus treated, Amador drew from his bag a
+knife, and dexterously extricated himself. Then he began to listen in
+order to find out the ways of the place, and heard the master of the
+house laughing with his maid-servant. Suspecting their manoeuvres, he
+waited till the moment when the lady of the house should be alone in
+bed, and made his way into her room with bare feet, in order that his
+sandals should not be in his secrets. He appeared to her by the light
+of the lamp in the manner in which monks generally appear during the
+night--that is, in a marvellous state, which the laity find it
+difficult long to sustain; and the thing is an effect of the frock,
+which magnifies everything. Then having let her see that he was all a
+monk, he made the following little speech--
+
+"Know, madame, that I am sent by Jesus and the Virgin Mary to warn you
+to put an end to the improper perversities which are taking place--to
+the injury of your virtue, which is treacherously deprived of your
+husband's best attention, which he lavishes upon your maid. What is
+the use of being a lady if the seigneurial dues are received
+elsewhere. According to this, your servant is the lady and you are the
+servant. Are not all the joys bestowed upon her due to you? You will
+find them all amassed in our Holy Church, which is the consolation of
+the afflicted. Behold in me the messenger, ready to pay these debts if
+you do not renounce them."
+
+Saying this, the good monk gently loosened his girdle in which he was
+incommoded, so much did he appear affected by the sight of those
+beauties which the Sieur de Cande disdained.
+
+"If you speak truly, my father, I will submit to your guidance," said
+she, springing lightly out of bed. "You are for sure, a messenger of
+God, because you have been in a single day that which I had not
+noticed here for a long time."
+
+Then she went, accompanied by Amador, whose holy robe she did not fail
+to run her hand over, and was so struck when she found it real, that
+she hoped to find her husband guilty; and indeed she heard him talking
+about the monk in her servant's bed. Perceiving this felony, she went
+into a furious rage and opened her mouth to resolve it into words--
+which is the usual method of women--and wished to kick up the devil's
+delight before handing the girl over to justice. But Amador told her
+that it would be more sensible to avenge herself first, and cry out
+afterwards.
+
+"Avenge me quickly, then, my father," said she, "that I may begin to
+cry out."
+
+Thereupon the monk avenged her most monastically with a good and ample
+vengeance, that she indulged in as a drunkard who puts his lips to the
+bunghole of a barrel; for when a lady avenges herself, she should get
+drunk with vengeance, or not taste it at all. And the chatelaine was
+revenged to that degree that she could not move; since nothing
+agitates, takes away the breath, and exhausts, like anger and
+vengeance. But although she were avenged, and doubly and trebly
+avenged, yet would she not forgive, in order that she might reserve
+the right of avenging herself with the monk, now here, now there.
+Perceiving this love for vengeance, Amador promised to aid her in it
+as long as her ire lasted, for he informed her that he knew in his
+quality of a monk, constrained to meditate long on the nature of
+things, an infinite number of modes, methods, and manners of
+practicing revenge.
+
+Then he pointed out to her canonically what a Christian thing it is to
+revenge oneself, because all through the Holy Scriptures God declares
+Himself, above all things, to be a God of vengeance; and moreover,
+demonstrates to us, by his establishment in the infernal regions, how
+royally divine a thing vengeance is, since His vengeance is eternal.
+From which it followed, that women with monks ought to revenge
+themselves, under pain of not being Christians and faithful servants
+of celestial doctrines.
+
+This dogma pleased the lady much, and she confessed that she had never
+understood the commandments of the Church, and invited her
+well-beloved monk to enlighten her thoroughly concerning them. Then
+the chatelaine, whose vital spirits had been excited by the vengeance
+which had refreshed them, went into the room where the jade was
+amusing herself, and by chance found her with her hand where she, the
+chatelaine, often had her eye--like the merchants have on their most
+precious articles, in order to see that they were not stolen. They
+were--according to President Lizet, when he was in a merry mood--a
+couple taken in flagrant delectation, and looked dumbfounded, sheepish
+and foolish. The sight that met her eyes displeased the lady beyond
+the power of words to express, as it appeared by her discourse, of
+which to roughness was similar to that of the water of a big pond when
+the sluice-gates were opened. It was a sermon in three heads,
+accompanied with music of a high gamut, varied in tones, with many
+sharps among the keys.
+
+"Out upon virtue! my lord; I've had my share of it. You have shown me
+that religion in conjugal faith is an abuse; this is then the reason
+that I have no son. How many children have you consigned to this
+common oven, this poor-box, this bottomless alms-purse, this leper's
+porringer, the true cemetery of the House of Cande? I will know if I
+am childless from a constitutional defect, or through your fault. I
+will have handsome cavaliers, in order that I may have an heir. You
+can get the bastards, I the legitimate children."
+
+"My dear," said the bewildered lord, "don't shout so."
+
+"But," replied the lady, "I will shout, and shout to make myself
+heard, heard by the archbishop, heard by the legate, by the king, by
+my brothers, who will avenge this infamy for me."
+
+"Do not dishonour your husband!"
+
+"This is dishonour then? You are right; but, my lord, it is not
+brought about by you, but by this hussy, whom I will have sewn up in a
+sack, and thrown into the Indre; thus your dishonour will be washed
+away. Hi! there," she called out.
+
+"Silence, madame!" said the sire, as shamefaced as a blind man's dog;
+because this great warrior, so ready to kill others, was like a child
+in the hands of his wife, a state of affairs to which soldiers are
+accustomed, because in them lies the strength and is found all the
+dull carnality of matter; while, on the contrary, in woman is a subtle
+spirit and a scintillation of perfumed flame that lights up paradise
+and dazzles the male. This is the reason that certain women govern
+their husbands, because mind is the master of matter.
+
+(At this the ladies began to laugh, as did also the king).
+
+"I will not be silent," said the lady of Cande (said the abbot,
+continuing his tale); "I have been too grossly outraged. This, then,
+is the reward of the wealth that I brought you, and of my virtuous
+conduct! Did I ever refuse to obey you even during Lent, and on fast
+days? Am I so cold as to freeze the sun? Do you think that I embrace
+by force, from duty, or pure kindness of heart! Am I too hallowed for
+you to touch? Am I a holy shrine? Was there need of a papal brief to
+kiss me? God's truth! have you had so much of me that you are tired?
+Am I not to your taste? Do charming wenches know more than ladies? Ha!
+perhaps it is so, since she has let you work in the field without
+sowing. Teach me the business; I will practice it with those whom I
+take into my service, for it is settled that I am free. That is as we
+should be. Your society was wearisome, and the little pleasure I
+derived from it cost me too dear. Thank God! I am quit of you and your
+whims, because I intend to retire to a monastery." . . . She meant to
+say a convent, but this avenging monk had perverted her tongue.
+
+"And I shall be more comfortable in this monastery with my daughter,
+than in this place of abominable wickedness. You can inherit from your
+wench. Ha, ha! The fine lady of Cande! Look at her!"
+
+"What is the matter?" said Amador, appearing suddenly upon the scene.
+
+"The matter is, my father," replied she, "that my wrongs cry aloud for
+vengeance. To begin with, I shall have this trollop thrown into the
+river, sewn up in a sack, for having diverted the seed of the House of
+Cande from its proper channel. It will be saving the hangman a job.
+For the rest I will--"
+
+"Abandon your anger, my daughter," said the monk. "It is commanded us
+by the Church to forgive those who trespass against us, if we would
+find favour in the side of Heaven, because you pardon those who also
+pardon others. God avenges himself eternally on those who have avenged
+themselves, but keeps in His paradise those who have pardoned. From
+that comes the jubilee, which is a day of great rejoicing, because all
+debts and offences are forgiven. Thus it is a source of happiness to
+pardon. Pardon! Pardon! To pardon is a most holy work. Pardon
+Monseigneur de Cande, who will bless you for your gracious clemency,
+and will henceforth love you much; This forgiveness will restore to
+you the flower of youth; and believe, my dear sweet young lady, that
+forgiveness is in certain cases the best means of vengeance. Pardon
+your maid-servant, who will pray heaven for you. Thus God, supplicated
+by all, will have you in His keeping, and will bless you with male
+lineage for this pardon."
+
+Thus saying, the monk took the hand of the sire, placed it in that of
+the lady, and added--
+
+"Go and talk over the pardon."
+
+And then he whispered into the husband's ears this sage advice--
+
+"My lord, use your best argument, and you will silence her with it,
+because a woman's mouth it is only full of words when she is empty
+elsewhere. Argue continually, and thus you will always have the upper
+hand of your wife."
+
+"By the body of the Jupiter! There's good in this monk after all,"
+said the seigneur, as he went out.
+
+As soon as Amador found himself alone with Perrotte he spoke to her,
+as follows--
+
+"You are to blame, my dear, for having wished to torment a poor
+servant of God; therefore are you now the object of celestial wrath,
+which will fall upon you. To whatever place you fly it will always
+follow you, will seize upon you in every limb, even after your death,
+and will cook you like a pasty in the oven of hell, where you will
+simmer eternally, and every day you will receive seven hundred
+thousand million lashes of the whip, for the one I received through
+you."
+
+"Ah! holy Father," said the wench, casting herself at the monk's feet,
+"you alone can save me, for in your gown I should be sheltered from
+the anger of God."
+
+Saying this, she raised the robe to place herself beneath it, and
+exclaimed--
+
+"By my faith! monks are better than knights."
+
+"By the sulphur of the devil! You are not acquainted with the monks?"
+
+"No," said Perrotte.
+
+"And you don't know the service that monks sing without saying a
+word?"
+
+"No."
+
+Thereupon the monk went through this said service for her, as it is
+sung on great feast days, with all the grand effects used in
+monasteries, the psalms well chanted in f major, the flaming tapers,
+and the choristers, and explained to her the _Introit_, and also the
+_ite missa est_, and departed, leaving her so sanctified that the
+wrath of heaven would have great difficulty in discovering any portion
+of the girl that was not thoroughly monasticated.
+
+By his orders, Perrotte conducted him to Mademoiselle de Cande, the
+lord's sister, to whom he went in order to learn if it was her desire
+to confess to him, because monks came so rarely to the castle. The
+lady was delighted, as would any good Christian have been, at such a
+chance of clearing out her conscience. Amador requested her to show
+him her conscience, and she having allowed him to see that which he
+considered the conscience of old maids, he found it in a bad state,
+and told her that the sins of women were accomplished there; that to
+be for the future without sin it was necessary to have the conscience
+corked up by a monk's indulgence. The poor ignorant lady having
+replied that she did not know where these indulgences were to be had,
+the monk informed her that he had a relic with him which enabled him
+to grant one, that nothing was more indulgent than this relic, because
+without saying a word it produced infinite pleasures, which is the
+true, eternal and primary character of an indulgence. The poor lady
+was so pleased with this relic, the virtue of which she tried in
+various ways, that her brain became muddled, and she had so much faith
+in it that she indulged as devoutly in indulgences as the Lady of
+Cande had indulged in vengeances. This business of confession woke up
+the younger Demoiselle de Cande, who came to watch the proceedings.
+You may imagine that the monk had hoped for this occurrence, since his
+mouth had watered at the sight of this fair blossom, whom he also
+confessed, because the elder lady could not hinder him from bestowing
+upon the younger one, who wished it, what remained of the indulgences.
+But, remember, this pleasure was due to him for the trouble he had
+taken. The morning having dawned, the pigs having eaten their tripe,
+and the cats having become disenchanted with love, and having watered
+all the places rubbed with herbs, Amador went to rest himself in his
+bed, which Perrotte had put straight again. Every one slept, thanks to
+the monk, so long, that no one in the castle was up before noon, which
+was the dinner hour. The servants all believed the monk to be a devil
+who had carried off the cats, the pigs, and also their masters. In
+spite of these ideas however, every one was in the room at meal time.
+
+"Come, my father," said the chatelaine, giving her arm to the monk,
+whom she put at her side in the baron's chair, to the great
+astonishment of the attendants, because the Sire of Cande said not a
+word. "Page, give some of this to Father Amador," said madame.
+
+"Father Amador has need of so and so," said the Demoiselle de Cande.
+
+"Fill up Father Amador's goblet," said the sire.
+
+"Father Amador has no bread," said the little lady.
+
+"What do you require, Father Amador?" said Perrotte.
+
+It was Father Amador here, and Father Amador there. He was regaled
+like a little maiden on her wedding night.
+
+"Eat, father," said madame; "you made such a bad meal yesterday."
+
+"Drink, father," said the sire. "You are, s'blood! the finest monk I
+have ever set eyes on."
+
+"Father Amador is a handsome monk," said Perrotte.
+
+"An indulgent monk," said the demoiselle.
+
+"A beneficent monk," said the little one.
+
+"A great monk," said the lady.
+
+"A monk who well deserves his name," said the clerk of the castle.
+
+Amador munched and chewed, tried all the dishes, lapped up the
+hypocras, licked his chops, sneezed, blew himself out, strutted and
+stamped about like a bull in a field. The others regarded him with
+great fear, believing him to be a magician. Dinner over, the Lady of
+Cande, the demoiselle, and the little one, besought the Sire of Cande
+with a thousand fine arguments, to terminate the litigation. A great
+deal was said to him by madame, who pointed out to him how useful a
+monk was in a castle; by mademoiselle, who wished for the future to
+polish up her conscience every day; by the little one, who pulled her
+father's beard, and asked that this monk might always be at Cande. If
+ever the difference were arranged, it would be by the monk: the monk
+was of a good understanding, gentle and virtuous as a saint; it was a
+misfortune to be at enmity with a monastery containing such monks. If
+all the monks were like him, the abbey would always have everywhere
+the advantage of the castle, and would ruin it, because this monk was
+very strong. Finally, they gave utterance to a thousand reasons, which
+were like a deluge of words, and were so pluvially showered down that
+the sire yielded, saying, that there would never be a moment's peace
+in the house until matters were settled to the satisfaction of the
+women. Then he sent for the clerk, who wrote down for him, and also
+for the monk. Then Amador surprised them exceedingly by showing them
+the charters and the letters of credit, which would prevent the sire
+and his clerk delaying this agreement. When the Lady of Cande saw them
+about to put an end to this old case, she went to the linen chest to
+get some fine cloth to make a new gown for her dear Amador. Every one
+in the house had noticed how this old gown was worn, and it would have
+been a great shame to leave such a treasure in such a worn-out case.
+Everyone was eager to work at the gown. Madame cut it, the servant put
+the hood on, the demoiselle sewed it, and the little demoiselle worked
+at the sleeves. And all set so heartily to work to adorn the monk,
+that the robe was ready by supper time, as was also the charter of
+agreement prepared and sealed by the Sire de Cande.
+
+"Ah, my father!" said the lady, "if you love us, you will refresh
+yourself after your merry labour by washing yourself in a bath that I
+have had heated by Perrotte."
+
+Amador was then bathed in scented water. When he came out he found a
+new robe of fine linen and lovely sandals ready for him, which made
+him appear the most glorious monk in the world.
+
+Meanwhile the monks of Turpenay fearing for Amador, had ordered two of
+their number to spy about the castle. These spies came round by the
+moat, just as Perrotte threw Amador's greasy old gown, with other
+rubbish, into it. Seeing which, they thought that it was all over with
+the poor madman. They therefore returned, and announced that it was
+certain Amador had suffered martyrdom in the service of the abbey.
+Hearing which the abbot ordered them to assemble in the chapel and
+pray to God, in order to assist this devoted servant in his torments.
+The monk having supped, put his charter into his girdle, and wished to
+return to Turpenay. Then he found at the foot of the steps madame's
+mare, bridled and saddled, and held ready for him by a groom. The lord
+had ordered his men-at-arms to accompany the good monk, so that no
+accident might befall him. Seeing which, Amador pardoned the tricks of
+the night before, and bestowed his benediction upon every one before
+taking his departure from this converted place. Madame followed him
+with her eyes, and proclaimed him a splendid rider. Perrotte declared
+that for a monk he held himself more upright in the saddle than any of
+the men-at-arms. Mademoiselle de Cande sighed. The little one wished
+to have him for her confessor.
+
+"He has sanctified the castle," said they, when they were in the room
+again.
+
+When Amador and his suite came to the gates of the abbey, a scene of
+terror ensued, since the guardian thought that the Sire de Cande had
+had his appetite for monks whetted by the blood of poor Amador, and
+wished to sack the abbey. But Amador shouted with his fine bass voice,
+and was recognised and admitted into the courtyard; and when he
+dismounted from madame's mare there was enough uproar to make the
+monks as a wild as April moons. They gave vent to shouts of joy in the
+refectory, and all came to congratulate Amador, who waved the charter
+over his head. The men-at-arms were regaled with the best wine in the
+cellars, which was a present made to the monks of Turpenay by those of
+Marmoustier, to whom belonged the lands of Vouvray. The good abbot
+having had the document of the Sieur de Cande read, went about
+saying--
+
+"On these divine occasions there always appears the finger of God, to
+whom we should render thanks."
+
+As the good abbot kept on at the finger of God, when thanking Amador,
+the monk, annoyed to see the instrument of their delivery thus
+diminished, said to him--
+
+"Well, say that it is the arm, my father, and drop the subject."
+
+The termination of the trial between the Sieur de Cande and the abbey
+of Turpenay was followed by a blessing which rendered him devoted to
+the Church, because nine months after he had a son. Two years
+afterwards Amador was chosen as abbot by the monks, who reckoned upon
+a merry government with a madcap. But Amador become an abbot, became
+steady and austere, because he had conquered his evil desires by his
+labours, and recast his nature at the female forge, in which is that
+fire which is the most perfecting, persevering, persistent,
+perdurable, permanent, perennial, and permeating fire that there ever
+was in the world. It is a fire to ruin everything, and it ruined so
+well the evil that was in Amador, that it left only that which it
+could not eat--that is, his wit, which was as clear as a diamond,
+which is, as everyone knows, a residue of the great fire by which our
+globe was formerly carbonised. Amador was then the instrument chosen
+by Providence to reform our illustrious abbey, since he put everything
+right there, watched night and day over his monks, made them all rise
+at the hours appointed for prayers, counted them in chapel as a
+shepherd counts his sheep, kept them well in hand, and punished their
+faults severely, that he made them most virtuous brethren.
+
+This teaches us to look upon womankind more as the instruments of our
+salvation than of our pleasure. Besides which, this narrative teaches
+us that we should never attempt to struggle with the Churchmen.
+
+The king and the queen had found this tale in the best taste; the
+courtiers confessed that they had never heard a better; and the ladies
+would all willingly have been the heroines of it.
+
+
+
+                        BERTHA THE PENITENT
+
+I
+HOW BERTHA REMAINED A MAIDEN IN THE MARRIED STATE
+
+About the time of the first flight of the Dauphin, which threw our
+good Sire, Charles the Victorious, into a state of great dejection,
+there happened a great misfortune to a noble House of Touraine, since
+extinct in every branch; and it is owing to this fact that this most
+deplorable history may now be safely brought to light. To aid him in
+this work the author calls to his assistance the holy confessors,
+martyrs, and other celestial dominations, who, by the commandments of
+God, were the promoters of good in this affair.
+
+From some defect in his character, the Sire Imbert de Bastarnay, one
+of the most landed lords in our land of Touraine, had no confidence in
+the mind of the female of man, whom he considered much too animated,
+on account of her numerous vagaries, and it may be he was right. In
+consequence of this idea he reached his old age without a companion,
+which was certainly not to his advantage. Always leading a solitary
+life, this said man had no idea of making himself agreeable to others,
+having only been mixed up with wars and the orgies of bachelors, with
+whom he did not put himself out of the way. Thus he remained stale in
+his garments, sweaty in his accoutrements, with dirty hands and an
+apish face. In short, he looked the ugliest man in Christendom. As far
+as regards his person only though, since so far as his heart, his
+head, and other secret places were concerned, he had properties which
+rendered him most praiseworthy. An angel (pray believe this) would
+have walked a long way without meeting an old warrior firmer at his
+post, a lord with more spotless scutcheon, of shorter speech, and more
+perfect loyalty.
+
+Certain people have stated, they have heard that he gave sound advice,
+and was a good and profitable man to consult. Was it not a strange
+freak on the part of God, who plays sometimes jokes on us, to have
+granted so many perfections to a man so badly apparelled?
+
+When he was sixty in appearance, although only fifty in years, he
+determined to take unto himself a wife, in order to obtain lineage.
+Then, while foraging about for a place where he might be able to find
+a lady to his liking, he heard much vaunted, the great merits and
+perfections of a daughter of the illustrious house of Rohan, which at
+that time had some property in the province. The young lady in
+question was called Bertha, that being her pet name. Imbert having
+been to see her at the castle of Montbazon, was, in consequence of the
+prettiness and innocent virtue of the said Bertha de Rohan, seized
+with so great a desire to possess her, that he determined to make her
+his wife, believing that never could a girl of such lofty descent fail
+in her duty. This marriage was soon celebrated, because the Sire de
+Rohan had seven daughters, and hardly knew how to provide for them
+all, at a time when people were just recovering from the late wars,
+and patching up their unsettled affairs. Now the good man Bastarnay
+happily found Bertha really a maiden, which fact bore witness to her
+proper bringing up and perfect maternal correction. So immediately the
+night arrived when it should be lawful for him to embrace her, he got
+her with a child so roughly that he had proof of the result two months
+after marriage, which rendered the Sire Imbert joyful to a degree. In
+order that we may here finish with this portion of the story, let us
+at once state that from this legitimate grain was born the Sire de
+Bastarnay, who was Duke by the grace of Louis the Eleventh, his
+chamberlain, and more than that, his ambassador in the countries of
+Europe, and well-beloved of this most redoubtable lord, to whom he
+was never faithless. His loyalty was an heritage from his father, who
+from his early youth was much attached to the Dauphin, whose fortunes
+he followed, even in the rebellions, since he was a man to put Christ
+on the cross again if it had been required by him to do so, which is
+the flower of friendship rarely to be found encompassing princes and
+great people. At first, the fair lady of Bastarnay comported herself
+so loyally that her society caused those thick vapours and black
+clouds to vanish, which obscured the mind of this great man, the
+brightness of the feminine glory. Now, according to the custom of
+unbelievers, he passed from suspicion to confidence so thoroughly,
+that he yielded up the government of his house to the said Bertha,
+made her mistress of his deeds and actions, queen of his honour,
+guardian of his grey hairs, and would have slaughtered without a
+contest any one who had said an evil word concerning this mirror of
+virtue, on whom no breath had fallen save the breath issued from his
+conjugal and marital lips, cold and withered as they were. To speak
+truly on all points, it should be explained, that to this virtuous
+behaviour considerably aided the little boy, who during six years
+occupied day and night the attention of his pretty mother, who first
+nourished him with her milk, and made of him a lover's lieutenant,
+yielding to him her sweet breasts, which he gnawed at, hungry, as
+often as he would, and was, like a lover, always there. This good
+mother knew no other pleasures than those of his rosy lips, had no
+other caresses that those of his tiny little hands, which ran about
+her like the feet of playful mice, read no other book than that in his
+clear baby eyes, in which the blue sky was reflected, and listened to
+no other music than his cries, which sounded in her ears as angels'
+whispers. You may be sure that she was always fondling him, had a
+desire to kiss him at dawn of day, kissed him in the evening, would
+rise in the night to eat him up with kisses, made herself a child as
+he was a child, educated him in the perfect religion of maternity;
+finally, behaved as the best and happiest mother that ever lived,
+without disparagement to our Lady the Virgin, who could have had
+little trouble in bringing up our Saviour, since he was God.
+
+This employment and the little taste which Bertha had for the blisses
+of matrimony much delighted the old man, since he would have been
+unable to return the affection of a too amorous wife, and desired to
+practice economy, to have the wherewithal for a second child.
+
+After six years had passed away, the mother was compelled to give her
+son into the hands of the grooms and other persons to whom Messire de
+Bastarnay committed the task to mould him properly, in order that his
+heir should have an heritage of the virtues, qualities and courage of
+the house, as well as the domains and the name. Then did Bertha shed
+many tears, her happiness being gone. For the great heart of this
+mother it was nothing to have this well-beloved son after others, and
+during only certain short fleeting hours. Therefore she became sad and
+melancholy. Noticing her grief, the good man wished to bestow upon her
+another child and could not, and the poor lady was displeased thereat,
+because she declared that the making of a child wearied her much and
+cost her dear. And this is true, or no doctrine is true, and you must
+burn the Gospels as a pack of stories if you have not faith in this
+innocent remark.
+
+This, nevertheless, to certain ladies (I did not mention men, since
+they have a smattering of the science), will still seem an untruth.
+The writer has taken care here to give the mute reasons for this
+strange antipathy; I mean the distastes of Bertha, because I love the
+ladies above all things, knowing that for want of the pleasure of
+love, my face would grow old and my heart torment me. Did you ever
+meet a scribe so complacent and so fond of the ladies as I am? No; of
+course not. Therefore, do I love them devotedly, but not so often as I
+could wish, since I have oftener in my hands my goose-quill than I
+have the barbs with which one tickles their lips to make them laugh
+and be merry in all innocence. I understand them, and in this way.
+
+The good man Bastarnay was not a smart young fellow of an amorous
+nature, and acquainted with the pranks of the thing. He did not
+trouble himself much about the fashion in which he killed a soldier so
+long as he killed him; that he would have killed him in all ways
+without saying a word in battle, is, of course, understood. The
+perfect heedlessness in the matter of death was in accordance with the
+nonchalance in the matter of life, the birth and manner of begetting a
+child, and the ceremonies thereto appertaining. The good sire was
+ignorant of the many litigious, dilatory, interlocutory and
+proprietary exploits and the little humourings of the little fagots
+placed in the oven to heat it; of the sweet perfumed branches gathered
+little by little in the forests of love, fondlings, coddlings,
+huggings, nursing, the bites at the cherry, the cat-licking, and other
+little tricks and traffic of love which ruffians know, which lovers
+preserve, and which the ladies love better than their salvation,
+because there is more of the cat than the woman in them. This shines
+forth in perfect evidence in their feminine ways. If you think it
+worth while watching them, examine them attentively while they eat:
+not one of them (I am speaking of women, noble and well-educated) puts
+her knife in the eatables and thrusts it into her mouth, as do
+brutally the males; no, they turn over their food, pick the pieces
+that please them as they would gray peas in a dovecote; they suck the
+sauces by mouthfuls; play with their knife and spoon as if they are
+only ate in consequence of a judge's order, so much do they dislike to
+go straight to the point, and make free use of variations, finesse,
+and little tricks in everything, which is the especial attribute of
+these creatures, and the reason that the sons of Adam delight in them,
+since they do everything differently to themselves, and they do well.
+You think so too. Good! I love you.
+
+Now then, Imbert de Bastarnay, an old soldier, ignorant of the tricks
+of love, entered into the sweet garden of Venus as he would into a
+place taken by assault, without giving any heed to the cries of the
+poor inhabitants in tears, and placed a child as he would an arrow in
+the dark. Although the gentle Bertha was not used to such treatment
+(poor child, she was but fifteen), she believed in her virgin faith,
+that the happiness of becoming a mother demanded this terrible,
+dreadful bruising and nasty business; so during his painful task she
+would pray to God to assist her, and recite _Aves_ to our Lady,
+esteeming her lucky, in only having the Holy Ghost to endure. By this
+means, never having experienced anything but pain in marriage, she
+never troubled her husband to go through the ceremony again. Now
+seeing that the old fellow was scarcely equal to it--as has been
+before stated--she lived in perfect solitude, like a nun. She hated
+the society of men, and never suspected that the Author of the world
+had put so much joy in that from which she had only received infinite
+misery. But she loved all the more her little one, who had cost her so
+much before he was born. Do not be astonished, therefore, that she
+held aloof from that gallant tourney in which it is the mare who
+governs her cavalier, guides him, fatigues him, and abuses him, if he
+stumbles. This is the true history of certain unhappy unions,
+according to the statement of the old men and women, and the certain
+reason of the follies committed by certain women, who too late
+perceive, I know not how, that they have been deceived, and attempt to
+crowd into a day more time than it will hold, to have their proper
+share of life. That is philosophical, my friends. Therefore study well
+this page, in order that you may wisely look to the proper government
+of your wives, your sweethearts, and all females generally, and
+particularly those who by chance may be under your care, from which
+God preserve you.
+
+Thus a virgin in deed, although a mother, Bertha was in her
+one-and-twentieth year a castle flower, the glory of her good man,
+and the honour of the province. The said Bastarnay took great pleasure
+in beholding this child come, go, and frisk about like a willow-switch,
+as lively as an eel, as innocent as her little one, and still most
+sensible and of sound understanding; so much so that he never
+undertook any project without consulting her about it, seeing that if
+the minds of these angels have not been disturbed in their purity,
+they give a sound answer to everything one asks of them. At this time
+Bertha lived near the town of Loches, in the castle of her lord, and
+there resided, with no desire to do anything but look after her
+household duties, after the old custom of the good housewives, from
+which the ladies of France were led away when Queen Catherine and the
+Italians came with their balls and merry-makings. To these practices
+Francis the First and his successors, whose easy ways did as much harm
+to the State of France as the goings on of the Protestants lent their
+aid. This, however, has nothing to do with my story.
+
+About this time the lord and lady of Bastarnay were invited by the
+king to come to his town of Loches, where for the present he was with
+his court, in which the beauty of the lady of Bastarnay had made a
+great noise. Bertha came to Loches, received many kind praises from
+the king, was the centre of the homage of all the young nobles, who
+feasted their eyes on this apple of love, and of the old ones, who
+warmed themselves at this sun. But you may be sure that all of them,
+old and young, would have suffered death a thousand times over to have
+at their service this instrument of joy, which dazzled their eyes and
+muddled their brains. Bertha was more talked about in Loches then
+either God or the Gospels, which enraged a great many ladies who were
+not so bountifully endowed with charms, and would have given all that
+was left of their honour to have sent back to her castle this fair
+gatherer of smiles.
+
+A young lady having early perceived that one of her lovers was smitten
+with Bertha, took such a hatred to her that from it arose all the
+misfortunes of the lady of Bastarnay; but also from the same source
+came her happiness, and her discovery of the gentle land of love, of
+which she was ignorant. This wicked lady had a relation who had
+confessed to her, directly he saw Bertha, that to be her lover he
+would be willing to die after a month's happiness with her. Bear in
+mind that this cousin was as handsome as a girl is beautiful, had no
+hair on his chin, would have gained his enemy's forgiveness by asking
+for it, so melodious was his young voice, and was scarcely twenty
+years of age.
+
+"Dear cousin," said she to him, "leave the room, and go to your house;
+I will endeavour to give you this joy. But do not let yourself be seen
+by her, nor by that old baboon-face by an error of nature on a
+Christian's body, and to whom belongs this beauteous fay."
+
+The young gentleman out of the way, the lady came rubbing her
+treacherous nose against Bertha's, and called her "My friend, my
+treasure, my star of beauty"; trying every way to be agreeable to her,
+to make her vengeance more certain on the poor child who, all
+unwittingly, had caused her lover's heart to be faithless, which, for
+women ambitious in love, is the worst of infidelities. After a little
+conversation, the plotting lady suspected that poor Bertha was a
+maiden in matters of love, when she saw her eyes full of limpid water,
+no marks on the temples, no little black speck on the point of her
+little nose, white as snow, where usually the marks of the amusement
+are visible, no wrinkle on her brow; in short, no habit of pleasure
+apparent on her face--clear as the face of an innocent maiden. Then
+this traitress put certain women's questions to her, and was perfectly
+assured by the replies of Bertha, that if she had had the profit of
+being a mother, the pleasures of love had been denied to her. At this
+she rejoiced greatly on her cousin's behalf--like the good woman she
+was.
+
+Then she told her, that in the town of Loches there lived a young and
+noble lady, of the family of a Rohan, who at that time had need of the
+assistance of a lady of position to be reconciled with the Sire Louis
+de Rohan; that if she had as much goodness as God had given her
+beauty, she would take her with her to the castle, ascertain for
+herself the sanctity of her life, and bring about a reconciliation
+with the Sire de Rohan, who refused to receive her. To this Bertha
+consented without hesitation, because the misfortunes of this girl
+were known to her, but not the poor young lady herself, whose name was
+Sylvia, and whom she had believed to be in a foreign land.
+
+It is here necessary to state why the king had given this invitation
+to the Sire de Bastarnay. He had a suspicion of the first flight of
+his son the Dauphin into Burgundy, and wished to deprive him of so
+good a counsellor as was the said Bastarnay. But the veteran, faithful
+to young Louis, had already, without saying a word, made up his mind.
+Therefore he took Bertha back to his castle; but before they set out
+she told him she had taken a companion and introduced her to him. It
+was the young lord, disguised as a girl, with the assistance of his
+cousin, who was jealous of Bertha, and annoyed at her virtue. Imbert
+drew back a little when he learned that it was Sylvia de Rohan, but
+was also much affected at the kindness of Bertha, whom he thanked for
+her attempt to bring a little wandering lamb back to the fold. He made
+much of his wife, when his last night at home came, left men-at-arms
+about his castle, and then set out with the Dauphin for Burgundy,
+having a cruel enemy in his bosom without suspecting it. The face of
+the young lad was unknown to him, because he was a young page come to
+see the king's court, and who had been brought up by the Cardinal
+Dunois, in whose service he was a knight-bachelor.
+
+The old lord, believing that he was a girl, thought him very modest
+and timid, because the lad, doubting the language of his eyes, kept
+them always cast down; and when Bertha kissed him on the mouth, he
+trembled lest his petticoat might be indiscreet, and would walk away
+to the window, so fearful was he of being recognised as a man by
+Bastarnay, and killed before he had made love to the lady.
+
+Therefore he was as joyful as any lover would have been in his place,
+when the portcullis was lowered, and the old lord galloped away across
+the country. He had been in such suspense that he made a vow to build
+a pillar at his own expense in the cathedral at Tours, because he had
+escaped the danger of his mad scheme. He gave, indeed, fifty gold
+marks to pay God for his delight. But by chance he had to pay for it
+over again to the devil, as it appears from the following facts if the
+tale pleases you well enough to induce you to follow the narrative,
+which will be succinct, as all good speeches should be.
+
+
+II
+HOW BERTHA BEHAVED, KNOWING THE BUSINESS OF LOVE
+
+This bachelor was the young Sire Jehan de Sacchez, cousin of the Sieur
+de Montmorency, to whom, by the death of the said Jehan, the fiefs of
+Sacchez and other places would return, according to the deed of
+tenure. He was twenty years of age and glowed like a burning coal;
+therefore you may be sure that he had a hard job to get through the
+first day. While old Imbert was galloping across the fields, the two
+cousins perched themselves under the lantern of the portcullis, in
+order to keep him the longer in view, and waved him signals of
+farewells. When the clouds of dust raised by the heels of the horses
+were no longer visible upon the horizon, they came down and went into
+the great room of the castle.
+
+"What shall we do, dear cousin?" said Bertha to the false Sylvia. "Do
+you like music? We will play together. Let us sing the lay of some
+sweet ancient bard. Eh? What do you say? Come to my organ; come along.
+As you love me, sing!"
+
+Then she took Jehan by the hand and led him to the keyboard of the
+organ, at which the young fellow seated himself prettily, after the
+manner of women. "Ah! sweet coz," cried Bertha, as soon as the first
+notes tried, the lad turned his head towards her, in order that they
+might sing together. "Ah! sweet coz you have a wonderful glance in
+your eye; you move I know not what in my heart."
+
+"Ah! cousin," replied the false Sylvia, "that it is which has been my
+ruin. A sweet milord of the land across the sea told me so often that
+I had fine eyes, and kissed them so well, that I yielded, so much
+pleasure did I feel in letting them be kissed."
+
+"Cousin, does love then, commence in the eyes?"
+
+"In them is the forge of Cupid's bolts, my dear Bertha," said the
+lover, casting fire and flame at her.
+
+"Let us go on with our singing."
+
+They then sang, by Jehan's desire, a lay of Christine de Pisan, every
+word of which breathed love.
+
+"Ah! cousin, what a deep and powerful voice you have. It seems to
+pierce me."
+
+"Where?" said the impudent Sylvia.
+
+"There," replied Bertha, touching her little diaphragm, where the
+sounds of love are understood better than by the ears, but the
+diaphragm lies nearer the heart, and that which is undoubtedly the
+first brain, the second heart, and the third ear of the ladies. I say
+this, with all respect and with all honour, for physical reasons and
+for no others.
+
+"Let us leave off singing," said Bertha; "it has too great an effect
+upon me. Come to the window; we can do needlework until the evening."
+
+"Ah! dear cousin of my soul, I don't know how to hold the needle in my
+fingers, having been accustomed, to my perdition to do something else
+with them."
+
+"Eh! what did you do then all day long?"
+
+"Ah! I yielded to the current of love, which makes days seem Instants,
+months seem days, and years months; and if it could last, would gulp
+down eternity like a strawberry, seeing that it is all youth and
+fragrance, sweetness and endless joy."
+
+Then the youth dropped his beautiful eyelids over his eyes, and
+remained as melancholy as a poor lady who has been abandoned by her
+lover, who weeps for him, wishes to kiss him, and would pardon his
+perfidy, if he would but seek once again the sweet path to his
+once-loved fold.
+
+"Cousin, does love blossom in the married state?"
+
+"Oh no," said Sylvia; "because in the married state everything is
+duty, but in love everything is done in perfect freedom of heart. This
+difference communicates an indescribable soft balm to those caresses
+which are the flowers of love."
+
+"Cousin, let us change the conversation; it affects me more than did
+the music."
+
+She called hastily to a servant to bring her boy to her, who came, and
+when Sylvia saw him, she exclaimed--
+
+"Ah! the little dear, he is as beautiful as love."
+
+Then she kissed him heartily upon the forehead.
+
+"Come, my little one," said the mother, as the child clambered into
+her lap. "Thou art thy mother's blessing, her unclouded joy, the
+delight of her every hour, her crown, her jewel, her own pure pearl,
+her spotless soul, her treasure, her morning and evening star, her
+only flame, and her heart's darling. Give me thy hands, that I may eat
+them; give me thine ears, that I may bite them; give me thy head, that
+I may kiss thy curls. Be happy sweet flower of my body, that I may be
+happy too."
+
+"Ah! cousin," said Sylvia, "you are speaking the language of love to
+him."
+
+"Love is a child then?"
+
+"Yes, cousin; therefore the heathen always portrayed him as a little
+boy."
+
+And with many other remarks fertile in the imagery of love, the two
+pretty cousins amused themselves until supper time, playing with the
+child.
+
+"Would you like to have another?" whispered Jehan, at an opportune
+moment, into his cousin's ear, which he touched with his warm lips.
+
+"Ah! Sylvia! for that I would ensure a hundred years of purgatory, if
+it would only please God to give me that joy. But in spite of the
+work, labour, and industry of my spouse, which causes me much pain, my
+waist does not vary in size. Alas! It is nothing to have but one
+child. If I hear the sound of a cry in the castle, my heart beats
+ready to burst. I fear man and beast alike for this innocent darling;
+I dread volts, passes, and manual exercises; in fact, I dread
+everything. I live not in myself, but in him alone. And, alas! I like
+to endure these miseries, because when I fidget, and tremble, it is a
+sign that my offspring is safe and sound. To be brief--for I am never
+weary of talking on this subject--I believe that my breath is in him,
+and not in myself."
+
+With these words she hugged him to her breasts, as only mothers know
+how to hug children, with a spiritual force that is felt only in their
+hearts. If you doubt this, watch a cat carrying her kittens in her
+mouth, not one of them gives a single mew. The youthful gallant, who
+had certain fears about watering this fair, unfertile plain, was
+reassured by this speech. He thought then that it would only be
+following the commandments of God to win this saint to love; and he
+thought right. At night Bertha asked her cousin--according to the old
+custom, to which the ladies of our day object--to keep her company in
+her big seigneurial bed. To which request Sylvia replied--in order to
+keep up the role of a well-born maiden--that nothing would give her
+greater pleasure. The curfew rang, and found the two cousins in a
+chamber richly ornamented with carpeting, fringes, and royal
+tapestries, and Bertha began gracefully to disarray herself, assisted
+by her women. You can imagine that her companion modestly declined
+their services, and told her cousin, with a little blush, that she was
+accustomed to undress herself ever since she had lost the services of
+her dearly beloved, who had put her out of conceit with feminine
+fingers by his gentle ways; that these preparations brought back the
+pretty speeches he used to make, and his merry pranks while playing
+the lady's-maid; and that to her injury, the memory of all these
+things brought the water into her mouth.
+
+This discourse considerably astonished the lady Bertha, who let her
+cousin say her prayers, and make other preparations for the night
+beneath the curtains of the bed, into which my lord, inflamed with
+desire, soon tumbled, happy at being able to catch an occasional
+glimpse of the wondrous charms of the chatelaine, which were in no way
+injured. Bertha, believing herself to be with an experienced girl, did
+not omit any of the usual practices; she washed her feet, not minding
+whether she raised them little or much, exposed her delicate little
+shoulders, and did as all the ladies do when they are retiring to
+rest. At last she came to bed, and settled herself comfortably in it,
+kissing her cousin on the lips, which she found remarkably warm.
+
+"Are you unwell, Sylvia, that you burn so?" said she.
+
+"I always burn like that when I go to bed," replied her companion,
+"because at that time there comes back to my memory the pretty little
+tricks that he invented to please me, and which make me burn still
+more."
+
+"Ah! cousin, tell me all about this he. Tell all the sweets of love to
+me, who live beneath the shadow of a hoary head, of which the snows
+keep me from such warm feelings. Tell me all; you are cured. It will
+be a good warning to me, and then your misfortunes will have been a
+salutary lesson to two poor weak women."
+
+"I do not know I ought to obey you, sweet cousin," said the youth.
+
+"Tell me, why not?"
+
+"Ah! deeds are better than words," said the false maiden, heaving a
+deep sigh as the _ut_ of an organ. "But I am afraid that this milord
+has encumbered me with so much joy that you may get a little of it,
+which would be enough to give you a daughter, since the power of
+engendering is weakened in me."
+
+"But," said Bertha, "between us, would it be a sin?"
+
+"It would be, on the contrary, a joy both here and in heaven; the
+angels would shed their fragrance around you, and make sweet music in
+your ears."
+
+"Tell me quickly, then," said Bertha.
+
+"Well, then, this is how my dear lord made my heart rejoice."
+
+With these words Jehan took Bertha in his arms, and strained her
+hungering to his heart, for in the soft light of the lamp, and clothed
+with the spotless linen, she was in this tempting bed, like the pretty
+petals of a lily at the bottom of the virgin calyx.
+
+"When he held me as I hold thee he said to me, with a voice far
+sweeter than mine, 'Ah, Bertha, thou art my eternal love, my priceless
+treasure, my joy by day and my joy by night; thou art fairer than the
+day is day; there is naught so pretty as thou art. I love thee more
+than God, and would endure a thousand deaths for the happiness I ask
+of thee!' Then he would kiss me, not after the manner of husbands,
+which is rough, but in a peculiar dove-like fashion."
+
+To show her there and then how much better was the method of lovers,
+he sucked all the honey from Bertha's lips, and taught her how, with
+her pretty tongue, small and rosy as that of a cat, she could speak to
+the heart without saying a single word, and becoming exhausted at this
+game, Jehan spread the fire of his kisses from the mouth to the neck,
+from the neck to the sweetest forms that ever a woman gave a child to
+slake its thirst upon. And whoever had been in his place would have
+thought himself a wicked man not to imitate him.
+
+"Ah!" said Bertha, fast bound in love without knowing it; "this is
+better. I must take care to tell Imbert about it."
+
+"Are you in your proper senses, cousin? Say nothing about it to your
+old husband. How could he make his hands pleasant like mine? They are
+as hard as washerwoman's beetles, and his piebald beard would hardly
+please this centre of bliss, that rose in which lies our wealth, our
+substance, our loves, and our fortune. Do you know that it is a living
+flower, which should be fondled thus, and not used like a trombone, or
+as if it were a catapult of war? Now this was the gentle way of my
+beloved Englishman."
+
+Thus saying, the handsome youth comported himself so bravely in the
+battle that victory crowned his efforts, and poor innocent Bertha
+exclaimed--
+
+"Ah! cousin, the angels are come! but so beautiful is the music, that
+I hear nothing else, and so flaming are their luminous rays, that my
+eyes are closing."
+
+And, indeed, she fainted under the burden of those joys of love which
+burst forth in her like the highest notes of the organ, which
+glistened like the most magnificent aurora, which flowed in her veins
+like the finest musk, and loosened the liens of her life in giving her
+a child of love, who made a great deal of confusion in taking up his
+quarters. Finally, Bertha imagined herself to be in Paradise, so happy
+did she feel; and woke from this beautiful dream in the arms of Jehan,
+exclaiming--
+
+"Ah! who would not have been married in England!"
+
+"My sweet mistress," said Jehan, whose ecstasy was sooner over, "you
+are married to me in France, where things are managed still better,
+for I am a man who would give a thousand lives for you if he had
+them."
+
+Poor Bertha gave a shriek so sharp that it pierced the walls, and
+leapt out of bed like a mountebank of the plains of Egypt would have
+done. She fell upon her knees before her _Prie-Dieu_, joined her
+hands, and wept more pearls than ever Mary Magdalene wore.
+
+"Ah! I am dead" she cried; "I am deceived by a devil who has taken the
+face of an angel. I am lost; I am the mother for certain of a
+beautiful child, without being more guilty than you, Madame the
+Virgin. Implore the pardon of God for me, if I have not that of men
+upon earth; or let me die, so that I may not blush before my lord and
+master."
+
+Hearing that she said nothing against him, Jehan rose, quite aghast to
+see Bertha take this charming dance for two so to heart. But the
+moment she heard her Gabriel moving she sprang quickly to her feet,
+regarded him with a tearful face, and her eye illumined with a holy
+anger, which made her more lovely to look upon, exclaimed--
+
+"If you advance a single step towards me, I will make one towards
+death!"
+
+And she took her stiletto in her hand.
+
+So heartrending was the tragic spectacle of her grief that Jehan
+answered her--
+
+"It is not for thee but for me to die, my dear, beautiful mistress,
+more dearly loved than will ever woman be again upon this earth."
+
+"If you had truly loved me you would not have killed me as you have,
+for I will die sooner than be reproached by my husband."
+
+"Will you die?" said he.
+
+"Assuredly," said she.
+
+"Now, if I am here pierced with a thousand blows, you will have your
+husband's pardon, to whom you will say that if your innocence was
+surprised, you have avenged his honour by killing the man who had
+deceived you; and it will be the greatest happiness that could ever
+befall me to die for you, the moment you refuse to live for me."
+
+Hearing this tender discourse spoken with tears, Bertha dropped the
+dagger; Jehan sprang upon it, and thrust it into his breast, saying--
+
+"Such happiness can be paid for but with death."
+
+And fell stiff and stark.
+
+Bertha, terrified, called aloud for her maid. The servant came, and
+terribly alarmed to see a wounded man in Madame's chamber, and Madame
+holding him up, crying and saying, "What have you done, my love?"
+because she believed he was dead, and remembered her vanished joys,
+and thought how beautiful Jehan must be, since everyone, even Imbert,
+believed him to be a girl. In her sorrow she confessed all to her
+maid, sobbing and crying out, "that it was quite enough to have upon
+her mind the life of a child without having the death of a man as
+well." Hearing this the poor lover tried to open his eyes, and only
+succeeded in showing a little bit of the white of them.
+
+"Ha! Madame, don't cry out," said the servant, "let us keep our senses
+together and save this pretty knight. I will go and seek La Fallotte,
+in order not to let any physician or surgeon into the secret, and as
+she is a sorceress she will, to please Madame, perform the miracle of
+healing this wound so not a trace of it shall remain.
+
+"Run!" replied Bertha. "I will love you, and will pay you well for
+this assistance."
+
+But before anything else was done the lady and her maid agreed to be
+silent about this adventure, and hide Jehan from every eye. Then the
+servant went out into the night to seek La Fallotte, and was
+accompanied by her mistress as far as the postern, because the guard
+could not raise the portcullis without Bertha's special order. Bertha
+found on going back that her lover had fainted, for the blood was
+flowing from the wound. At the sight she drank a little of his blood,
+thinking that Jehan had shed it for her. Affected by this great love
+and by the danger, she kissed this pretty varlet of pleasure on the
+face, bound up his wound, bathing it with her tears, beseeching him
+not to die, and exclaiming that if he would live she would love him
+with all her heart. You can imagine that the chatelaine became still
+more enamoured while observing what a difference there was between a
+young knight like Jehan, white, downy, and agreeable, and an old
+fellow like Imbert, bristly, yellow, and wrinkled. This difference
+brought back to her memory that which she had found in the pleasure of
+love. Moved by this souvenir, her kisses became so warm that Jehan
+came back to his senses, his look improved, and he could see Bertha,
+from whom in a feeble voice he asked forgiveness. But Bertha forbade
+him to speak until La Fallotte had arrived. Then both of them consumed
+the time by loving each other with their eyes, since in those of
+Bertha there was nothing but compassion, and on these occasions pity
+is akin to love.
+
+La Fallotte was a hunchback, vehemently suspected of dealings in
+necromancy, and of riding to nocturnal orgies on a broomstick,
+according to the custom of witches. Certain persons had seen her
+putting the harness on her broom in the stable, which, as everyone
+knows is on the housetops. To tell the truth, she possessed certain
+medical secrets, and was of such great service to ladies in certain
+things, and to the nobles, that she lived in perfect tranquillity,
+without giving up the ghost on a pile of fagots, but on a feather bed,
+for she had made a hatful of money, although the physicians tormented
+her by declaring that she sold poisons, which was certainly true, as
+will be shown in the sequel. The servant and La Fallotte came on the
+same ass, making such haste that they arrived at the castle before the
+day had fully dawned.
+
+The old hunchback exclaimed, as she entered the chamber, "Now then, my
+children, what is the matter?"
+
+This was her manner, which was familiar with great people, who
+appeared very small to her. She put on her spectacles, and carefully
+examined the wound, saying--
+
+"This is fine blood, my dear; you have tasted it. That's all right, he
+has bled externally."
+
+Then she washed the wound with a fine sponge, under the nose of the
+lady and the servant, who held their breath. To be brief, Fallotte
+gave it as her medical opinion, that the youth would not die from this
+blow, "although," said she, looking at his hand, "he will come to a
+violent end through this night's deed."
+
+This decree of chiromancy frightened considerably both Bertha and the
+maid. Fallotte prescribed certain remedies, and promised to come again
+the following night. Indeed, she tended the wound for a whole
+fortnight, coming secretly at night-time. The people about the castle
+were told by the servants that their young lady, Sylvia de Rohan, was
+in danger of death, through a swelling of the stomach, which must
+remain a mystery for the honour of Madame, who was her cousin. Each
+one was satisfied with this story, of which his mouth was so full that
+he told it to his fellows.
+
+The good people believe that it was the malady which was fraught with
+danger; but it was not! it was the convalescence, for the stronger
+Jehan grew, the weaker Bertha became, and so weak that she allowed
+herself to drift into that Paradise the gates of which Jehan had
+opened for her. To be brief, she loved him more and more. But in the
+midst of her happiness, always mingled with apprehension at the
+menacing words of Fallotte, and tormented by her great religion, she
+was in great fear of her husband, Imbert, to whom she was compelled to
+write that he had given her a child, who would be ready to delight him
+on his return. Poor Bertha avoided her lover, Jehan, during the day on
+which she wrote the lying letter, over which she soaked her
+handkerchief with tears. Finding himself avoided (for they had
+previously left each other no more than fire leaves the wood it has
+bitten) Jehan believed that she was beginning to hate him, and
+straightway he cried too. In the evening Bertha, touched by his tears,
+which had left their mark upon his eyes, although he had well dried
+them, told him the cause of her sorrow, mingling therewith her
+confessions of her terrors for the future, pointing out to him how
+much they were both to blame, and discoursing so beautifully to him,
+gave utterance to such Christian sentences, ornamented with holy tears
+and contrite prayers, that Jehan was touched to the quick by the
+sincerity of his mistress. This love innocently united to repentance,
+this nobility in sin, this mixture of weakness and strength, would, as
+the old authors say, have changed the nature of a tiger, melting it to
+pity. You will not be astonished then, that Jehan was compelled to
+pledge his word as a knight-bachelor, to obey her in what ever she
+should command him, to save her in this world and in the next.
+Delighted at this confidence in her, and this goodness of heart,
+Bertha cast herself at Jehan's feet, and kissing them, exclaimed--
+
+"Oh! my love, whom I am compelled to love, although it is a mortal sin
+to do so, thou who art so good, so gentle to thy poor Bertha, if thou
+wouldst have her always think of thee with pleasure, and stop the
+torrent of her tears, whose source is so pretty and so pleasant (here,
+to show him that it was so, she let him steal a kiss)--Jehan, if thou
+wouldst that the memory of our celestial joys, angel music, and the
+fragrance of love should be a consolation to me in my loneliness
+rather than a torment, do that which the Virgin commanded me to order
+thee in a dream, in which I was beseeching her to direct me in the
+present case, for I had asked her to come to me, and she had come.
+Then I told her the horrible anguish I should endure, trembling for
+this little one, whose movements I already feel, and for the real
+father, who would be at the mercy of the other, and might expiate his
+paternity by a violent death, since it is possible that La Fallotte
+saw clearly into his future life. Then the beautiful Virgin told me,
+smiling, that the Church offered its forgiveness for our faults if we
+followed her commandments; that it was necessary to save one's self
+from the pains of hell, by reforming before Heaven became angry. Then
+with her finger she showed me a Jehan like thee, but dressed as thou
+shouldst be, and as thou wilt be, if thou does but love thy Bertha
+with a love eternal."
+
+Jehan assured her of his perfect obedience, and raised her, seating
+her on his knee, and kissing her. The unhappy Bertha told him then
+that this garment was a monk's frock, and trembling besought him
+--almost fearing a refusal--to enter the Church, and retire to
+Marmoustier, beyond Tours, pledging him her word that she would grant
+him a last night, after which she would be neither for him nor for
+anyone else in the world again. And each year, as a reward for this,
+she would let him come to her one day, in order that he might see the
+child. Jehan, bound by his oath, promised to obey his mistress, saying
+that by this means he would be faithful to her, and would experience
+no joys of love but those tasted in her divine embrace, and would live
+upon the dear remembrance of them. Hearing these sweet words, Bertha
+declared to him that, however great might have been her sin, and
+whatever God reserved for her, this happiness would enable her to
+support it, since she believed she had not fallen through a man, but
+through an angel.
+
+Then they returned to the nest which contained their love but only to
+bid a final adieu to all their lovely flowers. There can be but little
+doubt that Seigneur Cupid had something to do with this festival, for
+no woman ever experienced such joy in any part of the world before,
+and no man ever took as much. The especial property of true love is a
+certain harmony, which brings it about that the more one gives, the
+more the other receives, and vice-versa, as in certain cases in
+mathematics, where things are multiplied by themselves without end.
+This problem can only be explained to unscientific people, by asking
+them to look into their Venetian glasses, in which are to be seen
+thousands of faces produced by one alone. Thus, in the heart of two
+lovers, the roses of pleasure multiply within them in a manner which
+causes them to be astonished that so much joy can be contained,
+without anything bursting. Bertha and Jehan would have wished in this
+night to have finished their days, and thought, from the excessive
+languor which flowed in their veins, that love had resolved to bear
+them away on his wings with the kiss of death; but they held out in
+spite of these numerous multiplications.
+
+On the morrow, as the return of Monsieur Imbert de Bastarnay was close
+at hand, the lady Sylvia was compelled to depart. The poor girl left
+her cousin, covering her with tears and with kisses; it was always her
+last, but the last lasted till evening. Then he was compelled to leave
+her, and he did leave her although the blood of his heart congealed,
+like the fallen wax of a Paschal candle. According to his promise, he
+wended his way towards Marmoustier, which he entered towards the
+eleventh hour of the day, and was placed among the novices.
+Monseigneur de Bastarnay was informed that Sylvia had returned to the
+Lord which is the signification of le Seigneur in the English
+language; and therefore in this Bertha did not lie.
+
+The joy of her husband, when he saw Bertha without her waistband--she
+could not wear it, so much had she increased in size--commenced the
+martyrdom of this poor woman, who did not know how to deceive, and
+who, at each false word, went to her Prie-Dieu, wept her blood away
+from her eyes in tears, burst into prayers, and recommended herself to
+the graces of Messieurs the Saints in paradise. It happened that she
+cried so loudly to God that He heard her, because He hears everything;
+He hears the stones that roll beneath the waters, the poor who groan,
+and the flies who wing their way through the air. It is well that you
+should know this, otherwise you would not believe in what happened.
+God commanded the archangel Michael to make for this penitent a hell
+upon earth, so that she might enter without dispute into Paradise.
+Then St. Michael descended from the skies as far as the gate of hell,
+and handed over this triple soul to the devil, telling him that he had
+permission to torment it during the rest of her days, at the same time
+indicating to him Bertha, Jehan and the child.
+
+The devil, who by the will of God, is lord of all evil, told the
+archangel that he would obey the message. During this heavenly
+arrangement life went on as usual here below. The sweet lady of
+Bastarnay gave the most beautiful child in the world to the Sire
+Imbert, a boy all lilies and roses, of great intelligence, like a
+little Jesus, merry and arch as a pagan love. He became more beautiful
+day by day, while the elder was turning into an ape, like his father,
+whom he painfully resembled. The younger boy was as bright as a star,
+and resembled his father and mother, whose corporeal and spiritual
+perfections had produced a compound of illustrious graces and
+marvellous intelligence. Seeing this perpetual miracle of body and
+mind blended with the essential conditions, Bastarnay declared that
+for his eternal salvation he would like to make the younger the elder,
+and that he would do with the king's protection. Bertha did not know
+what to do, for she adored the child of Jehan, and could only feel a
+feeble affection for the other, whom, nevertheless she protected
+against the evil intentions of the old fellow, Bastarnay.
+
+Bertha, satisfied with the way things were going, quieted her
+conscience with falsehood, and thought that all danger was past, since
+twelve years had elapsed with no other alloy than the doubt which at
+times embittered her joy. Each year, according to her pledged faith,
+the monk of Marmoustier, who was unknown to everyone except the
+servant-maid, came to pass a whole day at the chateau to see his
+child, although Bertha had many times besought brother Jehan to yield
+his right. But Jehan pointed to the child, saying, "You see him every
+day of the year, and I only once!" And the poor mother could find no
+word to answer this speech with.
+
+A few months before the last rebellion of the Dauphin Louis against
+his father, the boy was treading closely on the heels of his twelfth
+year, and appeared likely to become a great savant, so learned was he
+in all the sciences. Old Bastarnay had never been more delighted at
+having been a father in his life, and resolved to take his son with
+him to the Court of Burgundy, where Duke Charles promised to make for
+this well-beloved son a position, which should be the envy of princes,
+for he was not at all averse to clever people. Seeing matters thus
+arranged, the devil judged the time to be ripe for his mischiefs. He
+took his tail and flapped it right into the middle of this happiness,
+so that he could stir it up in his own peculiar way.
+
+
+III
+HORRIBLE CHASTISEMENT OF BERTHA AND EXPIATION OF THE SAME,
+WHO DIED PARDONED
+
+The servant of the lady of Bastarnay, who was then about
+five-and-thirty years old, fell in love with one of the master's
+men-at-arms, and was silly enough to let him take loaves out of the
+oven, until there resulted therefrom a natural swelling, which certain
+wags in these parts call a nine months' dropsy. The poor woman begged
+her mistress to intercede for her with the master, so that he might
+compel this wicked man to finish at the altar that which he had
+commenced elsewhere. Madame de Bastarnay had no difficulty in obtaining
+this favour from him, and the servant was quite satisfied. But the old
+warrior, who was always extremely rough, hastened into his pretorium,
+and blew him up sky-high, ordering him, under the pain of the gallows,
+to marry the girl; which the soldier preferred to do, thinking more of
+his neck than of his peace of mind.
+
+Bastarnay sent also for the female, to whom he imagined, for the
+honour of his house, he ought to sing a litany, mixed with epithets
+and ornamented with extremely strong expressions, and made her think,
+by way of punishment, that she was not going to be married, but flung
+into one of the cells in the jail. The girl fancied that Madame wanted
+to get rid of her, in order to inter the secret of the birth of her
+beloved son. With this impression, when the old ape said such
+outrageous things to her--namely, that he must have been a fool to
+keep a harlot in his house--she replied that he certainly was a very
+big fool, seeing that for a long time past his wife had been played
+the harlot, and with a monk too, which was the worst thing that could
+happen to a warrior.
+
+Think of the greatest storm you ever saw it in your life, and you will
+have a weak sketch of the furious rage into which the old man fell,
+when thus assailed in a portion of his heart which was a triple life.
+He seized the girl by the throat, and would have killed her there and
+then, but she, to prove her story, detailed the how, the why, and the
+when, and said that if he had no faith in her, he could have the
+evidence of his own ears by hiding himself the day that Father Jehan
+de Sacchez, the prior of Marmoustier, came. He would then hear the
+words of the father, who solaced herself for his year's fast, and in
+one day kissed his son for the rest of the year.
+
+Imbert ordered this woman instantly to leave the castle, since, if her
+accusation were true, he would kill her just as though she had
+invented a tissue of lies. In an instant he had given her a hundred
+crowns, besides her man, enjoining them not to sleep in Touraine; and
+for greater security, they were conducted into Burgundy, by de
+Bastarnay's officers. He informed his wife of their departure, saying,
+that as her servant was a damaged article he had thought it best to
+get rid of her, but had given her a hundred crowns, and found
+employment for the man at the Court of Burgundy. Bertha was astonished
+to learn that her maid had left the castle without receiving her
+dismissal from herself, her mistress; but she said nothing. Soon
+afterwards she had other fish to fry, for she became a prey to vague
+apprehensions, because her husband completely changed in his manner,
+commenced to notice the likeness of his first-born to himself, and
+could find nothing resembling his nose, or his forehead, his this, or
+his that, in the youngest he loved so well.
+
+"He is my very image," replied Bertha one day that he was throwing out
+these hints. "Know you not that in well regulated households, children
+are formed from the father and mother, each in turn, or often from
+both together, because the mother mingles her qualities with the vital
+force of the father? Some physicians declare that they have known many
+children born without any resemblance to either father or mother, and
+attribute these mysteries to the whim of the Almighty."
+
+"You have become very learned, my dear," replied Bastarnay; "but I,
+who am an ignoramus, I should fancy that a child who resembles a
+monk--"
+
+"Had a monk for a father!" said Bertha, looking at him with an
+unflinching gaze, although ice rather than blood was coursing through
+her veins.
+
+The old fellow thought he was mistaken, and cursed the servant; but he
+was none the less determined to make sure of the affair. As the day of
+Father Jehan's visit was close at hand, Bertha, whose suspicions were
+aroused by this speech, wrote him that it was her wish that he should
+not come this year, without, however, telling him her reason; then she
+went in search of La Fallotte at Loches, who was to give her letter to
+Jehan, and believed everything was safe for the present. She was all
+the more pleased at having written to her friend the prior, when
+Imbert, who, towards the time appointed for the poor monk's annual
+treat, had always been accustomed to take a journey into the province
+of Maine, where he had considerable property, remained this time at
+home, giving as his reason the preparations for rebellion which
+monseigneur Louis was then making against his father, who as everyone
+knows, was so cut up at this revolt that it caused his death. This
+reason was so good a one, that poor Bertha was quite satisfied with
+it, and did not trouble herself. On the regular day, however, the
+prior arrived as usual. Bertha seeing him, turned pale, and asked him
+if he had not received her message.
+
+"What message?" said Jehan.
+
+"Ah! we are lost then; the child, thou, and I," replied Bertha.
+
+"Why so?" said the prior.
+
+"I know not," said she; "but our last day has come."
+
+She inquired of her dearly beloved son where Bastarnay was. The young
+man told her that his father had been sent for by a special messenger
+to Loches, and would not be back until evening. Thereupon Jehan
+wished, is spite of his mistress, to remain with her and his dear son,
+asserting that no harm would come of it, after the lapse of twelve
+years, since the birth of their boy.
+
+The days when that adventurous night you know of was celebrated,
+Bertha stayed in her room with the poor monk until supper time. But on
+this occasion the lovers--hastened by the apprehensions of Bertha,
+which was shared by Jehan directly she had informed him of them--dined
+immediately, although the prior of Marmoustier reassured Bertha by
+pointing out to her the privileges of the Church, and how Bastarnay,
+already in bad odour at court, would be afraid to attack a dignitary
+of Marmoustier. When they were sitting down to table their little one
+happened to be playing, and in spite of the reiterated prayers of his
+mother, would not stop his games, since he was galloping about the
+courtyard on a fine Spanish barb, which Duke Charles of Burgundy had
+presented to Bastarnay. And because young lads like to show off,
+varlets make themselves bachelors at arms, and bachelors wish to play
+the knight, this boy was delighted at being able to show the monk what
+a man he was becoming; he made the horse jump like a flea in the
+bedclothes, and sat as steady as a trooper in the saddle.
+
+"Let him have his way, my darling," said the monk to Bertha.
+"Disobedient children often become great characters."
+
+Bertha ate sparingly, for her heart was as swollen as a sponge in
+water. At the first mouthful, the monk, who was a great scholar, felt
+in his stomach a pain, and on his palette a bitter taste of poison
+that caused him to suspect that the Sire de Bastarnay had given them
+all their quietus. Before he had made this discovery Bertha had eaten.
+Suddenly the monk pulled off the tablecloth and flung everything into
+the fireplace, telling Bertha his suspicion. Bertha thanked the Virgin
+that her son had been so taken up with his sport. Retaining his
+presence of mind, Jehan, who had not forgotten the lesson he had
+learned as a page, leaped into the courtyard, lifted his son from the
+horse, sprang across it himself, and flew across the country with such
+speed that you would have thought him a shooting-star if you had seen
+him digging the spurs into the horse's bleeding flanks, and he was at
+Loches in Fallotte's house in the same space of time that only the
+devil could have done the journey. He stated the case to her in two
+words, for the poison was already frying his marrow, and requested her
+to give him an antidote.
+
+"Alas," said the sorceress, "had I known that it was for you I was
+giving this poison, I would have received in my breast the dagger's
+point, with which I was threatened, and would have sacrificed my poor
+life to save that of a man of God, and of the sweetest woman that ever
+blossomed on this earth; for alas! my dear friend, I have only two
+drops of the counter-poison that you see in this phial."
+
+"Is there enough for her?"
+
+"Yes, but go at once," said the old hag.
+
+The monk came back more quickly that he went, so that the horse died
+under him in the courtyard. He rushed into the room where Bertha,
+believing her last hour to be come, was kissing her son, and writhing
+like a lizard in the fire, uttering no cry for herself, but for the
+child, left to the wrath of Bastarnay, forgetting her own agony at the
+thought of his cruel future.
+
+"Take this," said the monk; "my life is saved!"
+
+Jehan had the great courage to say these words with an unmoved face,
+although he felt the claws of death seizing his heart. Hardly had
+Bertha drunk when the prior fell dead, not, however, without kissing
+his son, and regarding his dear lady with an eye that changed not even
+after his last sigh. This sight turned her as cold as marble, and
+terrified her so much that she remained rigid before this dead man,
+stretched at her feet, pressing the hand of her child, who wept,
+although her own eye was as dry as the Red Sea when the Hebrews
+crossed it under the leadership of Baron Moses, for it seemed to her
+that she had sharp sand rolling under her eyelids. Pray for her, ye
+charitable souls, for never was woman so agonised, in divining that
+her lover has saved her life at the expense of his own. Aided by her
+son, she herself placed the monk in the middle of the bed, and stood
+by the side of it, praying with the boy, whom she then told that the
+prior was his true father. In this state she waited her evil hour, and
+her evil hour did not take long in coming, for towards the eleventh
+hour Bastarnay arrived, and was informed at the portcullis that the
+monk was dead, and not Madame and the child, and he saw his beautiful
+Spanish horse lying dead. Thereupon, seized with a furious desire to
+slay Bertha and the monk's bastard, he sprang up the stairs with one
+bound; but at the sight of the corpse, for whom his wife and her son
+repeated incessant litanies, having no ears for his torrent of
+invective, having no eyes for his writhings and threats, he had no
+longer the courage to perpetrate this dark deed. After the first fury
+of his rage had passed, he could not bring himself to it, and quitted
+the room like a coward and a man taken in crime, stung to the quick by
+those prayers continuously said for the monk. The night was passed in
+tears, groans, and prayers.
+
+By an express order from Madame, her servant had been to Loches to
+purchase for her the attire of a young lady of quality, and for her
+poor child a horse and the arms of an esquire; noticing which the
+Sieur de Bastarnay was much astonished. He sent for Madame and the
+monk's son, but neither mother nor child returned any answer, but
+quietly put on the clothes purchased by the servant. By Madame's order
+this servant made up the account of her effects, arranged her clothes,
+purples, jewels, and diamonds, as the property of a widow is arranged
+when she renounces her rights. Bertha ordered even her alms-purse be
+included, in order that the ceremony might be perfect. The report of
+these preparations ran through the house, and everyone knew then that
+the mistress was about to leave it, a circumstance that filled every
+heart with sorrow, even that of a little scullion, who had only been a
+week in the place, but to whom Madame had already given a kind word.
+
+Frightened at these preparations, old Bastarnay came into her chamber,
+and found her weeping over the body of Jehan, for the tears had come
+at last; but she dried them directly she perceived her husband. To his
+numerous questions she replied briefly by the confession of her fault,
+telling him how she had been duped, how the poor page had been
+distressed, showing him upon the corpse the mark of the poniard wound;
+how long he had been getting well; and how, in obedience to her, and
+from penitence towards God, he had entered the Church, abandoning the
+glorious career of a knight, putting an end to his name, which was
+certainly worse than death; how she, while avenging her honour, had
+thought that even God himself would not have refused the monk one day
+in the year to see the son for whom he had sacrificed everything; how,
+not wishing to live with a murderer, she was about to quit his house,
+leaving all her property behind her; because, if the honour of the
+Bastarnays was stained, it was not she who had brought the shame
+about; because in this calamity she had arranged matters as best she
+could; finally, she added a vow to go over mountain and valley, she
+and her son, until all was expiated, for she knew how to expiate all.
+
+Having with noble mien and a pale face uttered these beautiful words,
+she took her child by the hand and went out in great mourning, more
+magnificently beautiful than was Mademoiselle Hagar on her departure
+from the residence of the patriarch Abraham, and so proudly, that all
+the servants and retainers fell on their knees as she passed along,
+imploring her with joined hands, like Notre Dame de la Riche. It was
+pitiful to see the Sieur de Bastarnay following her, ashamed, weeping,
+confessing himself to blame, and downcast and despairing, like a man
+being led to the gallows, there to be turned off.
+
+And Bertha turned a deaf ear to everything. The desolation was so
+great that she found the drawbridge lowered, and hastened to quit the
+castle, fearing that it might be suddenly raised again; but no one had
+the right or the heart to do it. She sat down on the curb of the moat,
+in view of the whole castle, who begged her, with tears, to stay. The
+poor sire was standing with his hand upon the chain of the portcullis,
+as silent as the stone saints carved above the door. He saw Bertha
+order her son to shake the dust from his shoes at the end of the
+bridge, in order to have nothing belonging to Bastarnay about him; and
+she did likewise. Then, indicating the sire to her son with her
+finger, she spoke to him as follows--
+
+"Child, behold the murderer of thy father, who was, as thou art aware,
+the poor prior; but thou hast taken the name of this man. Give it him
+back here, even as thou leavest the dust taken by the shoes from his
+castle. For the food that thou hast had in the castle, by God's help
+we will also settle."
+
+Hearing this, Bastarnay would have let his wife receive a whole
+monastery of monks in order not to be abandoned by her, and by a young
+squire capable of becoming the honour of his house, and remained with
+his head sunk down against the chains.
+
+The heart of Bertha was suddenly filled with holy solace, for the
+banner of the great monastery turned the corner of a road across the
+fields, and appeared accompanied by the chants of the Church, which
+burst forth like heavenly music. The monks, informed of the murder
+perpetrated on their well-beloved prior, came in procession, assisted
+by the ecclesiastical justice, to claim his body. When he saw this,
+the Sire de Bastarnay had barely that time to make for the postern
+with his men, and set out towards Monseigneur Louis, leaving
+everything in confusion.
+
+Poor Bertha, en croup behind her son, came to Montbazon to bid her
+father farewell, telling him that this blow would be her death, and
+was consoled by those of her family who endeavoured to raise her
+spirits, but were unable to do so. The old Sire de Rohan presented his
+grandson with a splendid suit of armour, telling him to acquire glory
+and honour that he might turn his mother's faults into eternal renown.
+But Madame de Bastarnay had implanted in the mind of her dear son no
+other idea than of atoning for the harm done, in order to save her and
+Jehan from eternal damnation. Both then set out for the places then in
+a state of rebellion, in order to render such service to Bastarnay
+that he would receive from them more than life itself.
+
+Now the heat of the sedition was, as everyone knows, in the
+neighbourhood of Angouleme, and of Bordeaux in Guienne, and other
+parts of the kingdom, where great battles and severe conflicts between
+the rebels and the royal armies was likely to take place. The
+principal one which finished the war was given between Ruffec and
+Angouleme, where all the prisoners taken were tried and hanged. This
+battle, commanded by old Bastarnay, took place in the month of
+November, seven months after the poisoning of Jehan. Now the Baron
+knew that his head had been strongly recommended as one to be cut off,
+he being the right hand of Monsiegneur Louis. Directly his men began
+to fall back, the old fellow found himself surrounded by six men
+determined to seize him. Then he understood that they wished to take
+him alive, in order to proceed against his house, ruin his name, and
+confiscate his property. The poor sire preferred rather to die and
+save his family, and present the domains to his son. He defended
+himself like the brave old lion that he was. In spite of their number,
+these said soldiers, seeing three of their comrades fall, were obliged
+to attack Bastarnay at the risk of killing him, and threw themselves
+together upon him, after having laid low two of his equerries and a
+page.
+
+In this extreme danger an esquire wearing the arms of Rohan, fell upon
+the assailants like a thunderbolt, and killed two of them, crying,
+"God save the Bastarnays!" The third man-at-arms, who had already
+seized old Bastarnay, was so hard pressed by this squire, that he was
+obliged to leave the elder and turn against the younger, to whom he
+gave a thrust with his dagger through a flaw in his armour. Bastarnay
+was too good a comrade to fly without assisting the liberator of his
+house, who was badly wounded. With a blow of his mace he killed the
+man-at-arms, seized the squire, lifted him on to his horse, and gained
+the open, accompanied by a guide, who led him to the castle of
+Roche-Foucauld, which he entered by night, and found in the great room
+Bertha de Rohan, who had arranged this retreat for him. But on
+removing the helmet of his rescuer, he recognised the son of Jehan,
+who expired upon the table, as by a final effort he kissed his mother,
+and saying in a loud voice to her--
+
+"Mother, we have paid the debt we owed him!"
+
+Hearing these words, the mother clasped the body of her loved child to
+her heart, and separated from him never again, for she died of grief,
+without hearing or heeding the pardon and repentance of Bastarnay.
+
+The strange calamity hastened the last day of the poor old man, who
+did not live to see the coronation of King Louis the Eleventh. He
+founded a daily mass in the Church of Roche-Foucauld, where in the
+same grave he placed mother and son, with a large tombstone, upon
+which their lives are much honoured in the Latin language.
+
+The morals which any one can deduce from this history are the most
+profitable for the conduct of life, since this shows how gentlemen
+should be courteous with the dearly beloveds of their wives. Further,
+it teaches us that all children are blessings sent by God Himself, and
+over them fathers, whether true or false, have no right of murder, as
+was formerly the case at Rome, owing to a heathen and abominable law,
+which ill became that Christianity which makes us all sons of God.
+
+
+
+        HOW THE PRETTY MAID OF PORTILLON CONVINCED HER JUDGE
+
+The Maid of Portillon, who became as everyone knows, La Tascherette,
+was, before she became a dyer, a laundress at the said place of
+Portillon, from which she took her name. If any there be who do not
+know Tours, it may be as well to state that Portillon is down the
+Loire, on the same side as St. Cyr, about as far from the bridge which
+leads to the cathedral of Tours as said bridge is distant from
+Marmoustier, since the bridge is in the centre of the embankment
+between Portillon and Marmoustier. Do you thoroughly understand?
+
+Yes? Good! Now the maid had there her washhouse, from which she ran to
+the Loire with her washing in a second and took the ferry-boat to get
+to St. Martin, which was on the other side of the river, for she had
+to deliver the greater part of her work in Chateauneuf and other
+places.
+
+About Midsummer day, seven years before marrying old Taschereau, she
+had just reached the right age to be loved, without making a choice
+from any of the lads who pursued her with their intentions. Although
+there used to come to the bench under her window the son of Rabelais,
+who had seven boats on the Loire, Jehan's eldest, Marchandeau the
+tailor, and Peccard the ecclesiastical goldsmith, she made fun of them
+all, because she wished to be taken to church before burthening
+herself with a man, which proves that she was an honest woman until
+she was wheedled out of her virtue. She was one of those girls who
+take great care not to be contaminated, but who, if by chance they get
+deceived, let things take their course, thinking that for one stain or
+for fifty a good polishing up is necessary. These characters demand
+our indulgence.
+
+A young noble of the court perceived her one day when she was crossing
+the water in the glare of the noonday sun, which lit up her ample
+charms, and seeing her, asked who she was. An old man, who was working
+on the banks, told him she was called the Pretty Maid of Portillon, a
+laundress, celebrated for her merry ways and her virtue. This young
+lord, besides ruffles to starch, had many precious draperies and
+things; he resolved to give the custom of his house to this girl, whom
+he stopped on the road. He was thanked by her and heartily, because he
+was the Sire du Fou, the king's chamberlain. This encounter made her
+so joyful that her mouth was full of his name. She talked about it a
+great deal to the people of St. Martin, and when she got back to the
+washhouse was still full of it, and on the morrow at her work her
+tongue went nineteen to the dozen, and all on the same subject, so
+that as much was said concerning my Lord du Fou in Portillon as of God
+in a sermon; that is, a great deal too much.
+
+"If she works like that in cold water, what will she do in warm?" said
+an old washerwoman. "She wants du Fou; he'll give her du Fou!"
+
+The first time this giddy wench, with her head full of Monsieur du
+Fou, had to deliver the linen at his hotel, the chamberlain wished to
+see her, and was very profuse in praises and compliments concerning
+her charms, and wound up by telling her that she was not at all silly
+to be beautiful, and therefore he would give her more than she
+expected. The deed followed the word, for the moment his people were
+out of the room, he began to caress the maid, who thinking he was
+about to take out the money from his purse, dared not look at the
+purse, but said, like a girl ashamed to take her wages--
+
+"It will be for the first time."
+
+"It will be soon," said he.
+
+Some people say that he had great difficulty in forcing her to accept
+what he offered her, and hardly forced her at all; others that he
+forced her badly, because she came out like an army flagging on the
+route, crying and groaning, and came to the judge. It happened that
+the judge was out. La Portillone awaited his return in his room,
+weeping and saying to the servant that she had been robbed, because
+Monseigneur du Fou had given her nothing but his mischief; whilst a
+canon of the Chapter used to give her large sums for that which M. du
+Fou wanted for nothing. If she loved a man she would think it wise to
+do things for him for nothing, because it would be a pleasure to her;
+but the chamberlain had treated her roughly, and not kindly and
+gently, as he should have done, and that therefore he owed her the
+thousand crowns of the canon. Then the judge came in, saw the wench,
+and wished to kiss her, but she put herself on guard, and said she had
+come to make a complaint. The judge replied that certainly she could
+have the offender hanged if she liked, because he was most anxious to
+serve her. The injured maiden replied that she did not wish the death
+of her man, but that he should pay her a thousand gold crowns, because
+she had been robbed against her will.
+
+"Ha! ha!" said the judge, "what he took was worth more than that."
+
+"For the thousand crowns I'll cry quits, because I shall be able to
+live without washing."
+
+"He who has robbed you, is he well off?"
+
+"Oh yes."
+
+"Then he shall pay dearly for it. Who is it?"
+
+"Monseigneur du Fou."
+
+"Oh, that alters the case," said the judge.
+
+"But justice?" said she.
+
+"I said the case, not the justice of it," replied the judge. "I must
+know how the affair occurred."
+
+Then the girl related naively how she was arranging the young lord's
+ruffles in his wardrobe, when he began to play with her skirt, and she
+turned round saying--
+
+"Go on with you!"
+
+"You have no case," said the judge, "for by that speech he thought
+that you gave him leave to go on. Ha! ha!"
+
+Then she declared that she had defended herself, weeping and crying
+out, and that that constitutes an assault.
+
+"A wench's antics to incite him," said the judge.
+
+Finally, La Portillone declared that against her will she had been
+taken round the waist and thrown, although she had kicked and cried
+and struggled, but that seeing no help at hand, she had lost courage.
+
+"Good! good!" said the judge. "Did you take pleasure in the affair?"
+
+"No," said she. "My anguish can only be paid for with a thousand
+crowns."
+
+"My dear," said the judge, "I cannot receive your complaint, because I
+believe no girl could be thus treated against her will."
+
+"Hi! hi! hi! Ask your servant," said the little laundress, sobbing,
+"and hear what she'll tell you."
+
+The servant affirmed that there were pleasant assaults and unpleasant
+ones; that if La Portillone had received neither amusement nor money,
+either one or the other was due to her. This wise counsel threw the
+judge into a state of great perplexity.
+
+"Jacqueline," said he, "before I sup I'll get to the bottom of this.
+Now go and fetch my needle and the red thread that I sew the law paper
+bags with."
+
+Jacqueline came back with a big needle, pierced with a pretty little
+hole, and a big red thread, such as the judges use. Then she remained
+standing to see the question decided, very much disturbed, as was also
+the complainant at these mysterious preparations.
+
+"My dear," said the judge, "I am going to hold the bodkin, of which
+the eye is sufficiently large, to put this thread into it without
+trouble. If you do put it in, I will take up your case, and will make
+Monseigneur offer you a compromise."
+
+"What's that?" said she. "I will not allow it."
+
+"It is a word used in justice to signify an agreement."
+
+"A compromise is then agreeable with justice?" said La Portillone.
+
+"My dear, this violence has also opened your mind. Are you ready?"
+
+"Yes," said she.
+
+The waggish judge gave the poor nymph fair play, holding the eye
+steady for her; but when she wished to slip in the thread that she had
+twisted to make straight, he moved a little, and the thread went on
+the other side. She suspected the judge's argument, wetted the thread,
+stretched it, and came back again. The judge moved, twisted about, and
+wriggled like a bashful maiden; still this cursed thread would not
+enter. The girl kept trying at the eye, and the judge kept fidgeting.
+The marriage of the thread could not be consummated, the bodkin
+remained virgin, and the servant began to laugh, saying to La
+Portillone that she knew better how to endure than to perform. Then
+the roguish judge laughed too, and the fair Portillone cried for her
+golden crowns.
+
+"If you don't keep still," cried she, losing patience; "if you keep
+moving about I shall never be able to put the thread in."
+
+"Then, my dear, if you had done the same, Monseigneur would have been
+unsuccessful too. Think, too, how easy is the one affair, and how
+difficult the other."
+
+The pretty wench, who declared she had been forced, remained
+thoughtful, and sought to find a means to convince the judge by
+showing how she had been compelled to yield, since the honour of all
+poor girls liable to violence was at stake.
+
+"Monseigneur, in order that the bet made the fair, I must do exactly
+as the young lord did. If I had only had to move I should be moving
+still, but he went through other performances."
+
+"Let us hear them," replied the judge.
+
+Then La Portillone straightens the thread, and rubs it in the wax of
+the candle, to make it firm and straight; then she looked towards the
+eye of the bodkin, held by the judge, slipping always to the right or
+to the left. Then she began making endearing little speeches, such as,
+"Ah, the pretty little bodkin! What a pretty mark to aim at! Never did
+I see such a little jewel! What a pretty little eye! Let me put this
+little thread into it! Ah, you will hurt my poor thread, my nice
+little thread! Keep still! Come, my love of a judge, judge of my love!
+Won't the thread go nicely into this iron gate, which makes good use
+of the thread, for it comes out very much out of order?" Then she
+burst out laughing, for she was better up in this game than the judge,
+who laughed too, so saucy and comical and arch was she, pushing the
+thread backwards and forwards. She kept the poor judge with the case
+in his hand until seven o'clock, keeping on fidgeting and moving about
+like a schoolboy let loose; but as La Portillone kept on trying to put
+the thread in, he could not help it. As, however, his joint was
+burning, and his wrist was tired, he was obliged to rest himself for a
+minute on the side of the table; then very dexterously the fair maid
+of Portillon slipped the thread in, saying--
+
+"That's how the thing occurred."
+
+"But my joint was burning."
+
+"So was mine," said she.
+
+The judge, convinced, told La Portillone that he would speak to
+Monseigneur du Fou, and would himself carry the affair through, since
+it was certain the young lord had embraced her against her will, but
+that for valid reasons he would keep the affair dark. On the morrow
+the judge went to the Court and saw Monseigneur du Fou, to whom he
+recounted the young woman's complaint, and how she had set forth her
+case. This complaint lodged in court, tickled the king immensely.
+Young du Fou having said that there was some truth in it, the king
+asked if he had had much difficulty, and as he replied, innocently,
+"No," the king declared the girl was quite worth a hundred gold
+crowns, and the chamberlain gave them to the judge, in order not to be
+taxed with stinginess, and said the starch would be a good income to
+La Portillone. The judge came back to La Portillone, and said,
+smiling, that he had raised a hundred gold crowns for her. But if she
+desired the balance of the thousand, there were at that moment in the
+king's apartments certain lords who, knowing the case, had offered to
+make up the sum for her, with her consent. The little hussy did not
+refuse this offer, saying, that in order to do no more washing in the
+future she did not mind doing a little hard work now. She gratefully
+acknowledged the trouble the good judge had taken, and gained her
+thousand crowns in a month. From this came the falsehoods and jokes
+concerning her, because out of these ten lords jealousy made a
+hundred, whilst, differently from young men, La Portillone settled
+down to a virtuous life directly she had her thousand crowns. Even a
+Duke, who would have counted out five hundred crowns, would have found
+this girl rebellious, which proves she was niggardly with her
+property. It is true that the king caused her to be sent for to his
+retreat of Rue Quinquangrogne, on the mall of Chardonneret, found her
+extremely pretty, exceedingly affectionate, enjoyed her society, and
+forbade the sergeants to interfere with her in any way whatever.
+Seeing she was so beautiful, Nicole Beaupertuys, the king's mistress,
+gave her a hundred gold crowns to go to Orleans, in order to see if
+the colour of the Loire was the same there as at Portillon. She went
+there, and the more willingly because she did not care very much for
+the king. When the good man came who confessed the king in his last
+hours, and was afterwards canonised, La Portillone went to him to
+polish up her conscience, did penance, and founded a bed in the
+leper-house of St. Lazare-aux-Tours. Many ladies whom you know have
+been assaulted by more than two lords, and have founded no other beds
+than those in their own houses. It is as well to relate this fact, in
+order to cleanse the reputation of this honest girl, who herself once
+washed dirty things, and who afterwards became famous for her clever
+tricks and her wit. She gave a proof of her merit in marrying
+Taschereau, who she cuckolded right merrily, as has been related in the
+story of The Reproach. This proves to us most satisfactorily that with
+strength and patience justice itself can be violated.
+
+
+
+     IN WHICH IT IS DEMONSTRATED THAT FORTUNE IS ALWAYS FEMININE
+
+During the time when knights courteously offered to each other both
+help and assistance in seeking their fortune, it happened that in
+Sicily--which, as you are probably aware, is an island situated in the
+corner of the Mediterranean Sea, and formerly celebrated--one knight
+met in a wood another knight, who had the appearance of a Frenchman.
+Presumably, this Frenchman was by some chance stripped of everything,
+and was so wretchedly attired that but for his princely air he might
+have been taken for a blackguard. It was possible that his horse had
+died of hunger or fatigue, on disembarking from the foreign shore for
+which he came, on the faith of the good luck which happened to the
+French in Sicily, which was true in every respect.
+
+The Sicilian knight, whose name was Pezare, was a Venetian long absent
+from the Venetian Republic, and with no desire to return there, since
+he had obtained a footing in the Court of the King of Sicily. Being
+short of funds in Venice, because he was a younger son, he had no
+fancy for commerce, and was for that reason eventually abandoned by
+his family, a most illustrious one. He therefore remained at this
+Court, where he was much liked by the king.
+
+This gentleman was riding a splendid Spanish horse, and thinking to
+himself how lonely he was in this strange court, without trusty
+friends, and how in such cases fortune was harsh to helpless people
+and became a traitress, when he met the poor French knight, who
+appeared far worse off that he, who had good weapons, a fine horse,
+and a mansion where servants were then preparing a sumptuous supper.
+
+"You must have come a long way to have so much dust on your feet,"
+said the Venetian.
+
+"My feet have not as much dust as the road was long," answered the
+Frenchman.
+
+"If you have travelled so much," continued the Venetian, "you must be
+a learned man."
+
+"I have learned," replied the Frenchman, "to give no heed to those who
+do not trouble about me. I have learnt that however high a man's head
+was, his feet were always level with my own; more than that, I have
+learnt to have no confidence in the warm days of winter, in the sleep
+of my enemies, or the words of my friends."
+
+"You are, then, richer than I am," said the Venetian, astonished,
+"since you tell me things of which I never thought."
+
+"Everyone must think for himself," said the Frenchman; "and as you
+have interrogated me, I can request from you the kindness of pointing
+to me the road to Palermo or some inn, for the night is closing in."
+
+"Are you then, acquainted with no French or Sicilian gentlemen at
+Palermo?"
+
+"No."
+
+"Then you are not certain of being received?"
+
+"I am disposed to forgive those who reject me. The road, sir, if you
+please."
+
+"I am lost like yourself," said the Venetian. "Let us look for it in
+company."
+
+"To do that we must go together; but you are on horseback, I am on
+foot."
+
+The Venetian took the French knight on his saddle behind him, and
+said--
+
+"Do you know with whom you are?"
+
+"With a man, apparently."
+
+"Do you think you are in safety?"
+
+"If you were a robber, you would have to take care of yourself," said
+the Frenchman, putting the point of his dagger to the Venetian's
+heart.
+
+"Well, now, my noble Frenchman, you appear to be a man of great
+learning and sound sense; know that I am a noble, established at the
+Court of Sicily, but alone, and I seek a friend. You seem to be in the
+same plight, and, judging from appearances, you do not seem friendly
+with your lot, and have apparently need of everybody."
+
+"Should I be happier if everybody wanted me?"
+
+"You are a devil, who turns every one of my words against me. By St.
+Mark! my lord knight, can one trust you?"
+
+"More than yourself, who commenced our federal friendship by deceiving
+me, since you guide your horse like a man who knows his way, and you
+said you were lost."
+
+"And did not you deceive me?" said the Venetian, "by making a sage of
+your years walk, and giving a noble knight the appearance of a
+vagabond? Here is my abode; my servants have prepared supper for us."
+
+The Frenchman jumped off the horse, and entered the house with the
+Venetian cavalier, accepting his supper. They both seated themselves
+at the table. The Frenchman fought so well with his jaws, he twisted
+the morsels with so much agility, that he showed herself equally
+learned in suppers, and showed it again in dexterously draining the
+wine flasks without his eye becoming dimmed or his understanding
+affected. Then you may be sure that the Venetian thought to himself he
+had fallen in with a fine son of Adam, sprung from the right side and
+the wrong one. While they were drinking together, the Venetian
+endeavoured to find some joint through which to sound the secret
+depths of his friend's cogitations. He, however, clearly perceived
+that he would cast aside his shirt sooner than his prudence, and
+judged it opportune to gain his esteem by opening his doublet to him.
+Therefore he told him in what state was Sicily, where reigned Prince
+Leufroid and his gentle wife; how gallant was the Court, what courtesy
+there flourished, that there abounded many lords of Spain, Italy,
+France, and other countries, lords in high feather and well feathered;
+many princesses, as rich as noble, and as noble as rich; that this
+prince had the loftiest aspirations--such as to conquer Morocco,
+Constantinople, Jerusalem, the lands of Soudan, and other African
+places. Certain men of vast minds conducted his affairs, bringing
+together the ban and arriere ban of the flower of Christian chivalry,
+and kept up his splendour with the idea of causing to reign over the
+Mediterranean this Sicily, so opulent in times gone by, and of ruining
+Venice, which had not a foot of land. These designs had been planted
+in the king's mind by him, Pezare; but although he was high in that
+prince's favour, he felt himself weak, had no assistance from the
+courtiers, and desired to make a friend. In this great trouble he had
+gone for a little ride to turn matters over in his mind, and decide
+upon the course to pursue. Now, since while in this idea he had met a
+man of so much sense as the chevalier had proved herself to be, he
+proposed to fraternise with him, to open his purse to him, and give
+him his palace to live in. They would journey in company through life
+in search of honours and pleasure, without concealing one single
+thought, and would assist each other on all occasions as the
+brothers-in-arms did at the Crusades. Now, as the Frenchman was seeking
+his fortune, and required assistance, the Venetian did not for a moment
+expect that this offer of mutual consolation would be refused.
+
+"Although I stand in need of no assistance," said the Frenchman,
+"because I rely upon a point which will procure me all that I desire,
+I should like to acknowledge your courtesy, dear Chevalier Pezare. You
+will soon see that you will yet be the debtor of Gauttier de
+Monsoreau, a gentleman of the fair land of Touraine."
+
+"Do you possess any relic with which your fortune is wound up?" said
+the Venetian.
+
+"A talisman given me by my dear mother," said the Touranian, "with
+which castles and cities are built and demolished, a hammer to coin
+money, a remedy for every ill, a traveller's staff always ready to be
+tried, and worth most when in a state of readiness, a master tool,
+which executes wondrous works in all sorts of forges, without making
+the slightest noise."
+
+"Eh! by St. Mark you have, then, a mystery concealed in your hauberk?"
+
+"No," said the French knight; "it is a perfectly natural thing. Here
+it is."
+
+And rising suddenly from the table to prepare for bed, Gauttier showed
+to the Venetian the finest talisman to procure joy that he had ever
+seen.
+
+"This," said the Frenchman, as they both got into bed together,
+according to the custom of the times, "overcomes every obstacle, by
+making itself master of female hearts; and as the ladies are the
+queens in this court, your friend Gauttier will soon reign there."
+
+The Venetian remained in great astonishment at the sight of the secret
+charms of the said Gauttier, who had indeed been bounteously endowed
+by his mother, and perhaps also by his father; and would thus triumph
+over everything, since he joined to this corporeal perfection the wit
+of a young page, and the wisdom of an old devil. Then they swore an
+eternal friendship, regarding as nothing therein a woman's heart,
+vowing to have one and the same idea, as if their heads had been in
+the same helmet; and they fell asleep on the same pillow enchanted
+with this fraternity. This was a common occurrence in those days.
+
+On the morrow the Venetian gave a fine horse to his friend Gauttier,
+also a purse full of money, fine silken hose, a velvet doublet,
+fringed with gold, and an embroidered mantle, which garments set off
+his figure so well, and showed up his beauties, that the Venetian was
+certain he would captivate all the ladies. The servants received
+orders to obey this Gauttier as they would himself, so that they
+fancied their master had been fishing, and had caught this Frenchman.
+Then the two friends made their entry into Palermo at the hour when
+the princes and princesses were taking the air. Pezare presented his
+French friend, speaking so highly of his merits, and obtaining such a
+gracious reception for him, that Leufroid kept him to supper. The
+knight kept a sharp eye on the Court, and noticed therein various
+curious little secret practices. If the king was a brave and handsome
+prince, the princess was a Spanish lady of high temperature, the most
+beautiful and most noble woman of his Court, but inclined to
+melancholy. Looking at her, the Touranian believed that she was
+sparingly embraced by the king, for the law of Touraine is that joy in
+the face comes from joy elsewhere. Pezare pointed out to his friend
+Gauttier several ladies to whom Leufroid was exceedingly gracious and
+who were exceedingly jealous and fought for him in a tournament of
+gallantries and wonderful female inventions. From all this Gauttier
+concluded that the prince went considerably astray with his court,
+although he had the prettiest wife in the world, and occupied himself
+with taxing the ladies of Sicily, in order that he might put his horse
+in their stables, vary his fodder, and learn the equestrian
+capabilities of many lands. Perceiving what a life Leufroid was
+leading, the Sire de Monsoreau, certain that no one in the Court had
+had the heart to enlighten the queen, determined at one blow to plant
+his halberd in the field of the fair Spaniard by a master stroke; and
+this is how. At supper-time, in order to show courtesy to the foreign
+knight, the king took care to place him near the queen, to whom the
+gallant Gauttier offered his arm, to take her into the room, and
+conducted her there hastily, to get ahead of those who were following,
+in order to whisper, first of all, a word concerning a subject which
+always pleases the ladies in whatever condition they may be. Imagine
+what this word was, and how it went straight through the stubble and
+weeds into the warm thicket of love.
+
+"I know, your majesty, what causes your paleness of face."
+
+"What?" said she.
+
+"You are so loving that the king loves you night and day; thus you
+abuse your advantage, for he will die of love."
+
+"What should I do to keep him alive?" said the queen.
+
+"Forbid him to repeat at your altar more than three prayers a day."
+
+"You are joking, after the French fashion, Sir Knight, seeing that the
+king's devotion to me does not extend beyond a short prayer a week."
+
+"You are deceived," said Gauttier, seating himself at the table. "I
+can prove to you that love should go through the whole mass, matins,
+and vespers, with an _Ave_ now and then, for queens as for simple
+women, and go through the ceremony every day, like the monks in their
+monastery, with fervour; but for you these litanies should never
+finish."
+
+The queen cast upon the knight a glance which was far from one of
+displeasure, smiled at him, and shook her head.
+
+"In this," said she, "men are great liars."
+
+"I have with me a great truth which I will show you when you wish it."
+replied the knight. "I undertake to give you queen's fare, and put you
+on the high road to joy; by this means you will make up for lost time,
+the more so as the king is ruined through other women, while I shall
+reserve my advantage for your service."
+
+"And if the king learns of our arrangement, he will put your head on a
+level with your feet."
+
+"Even if this misfortune befell me it after the first night, I should
+believe I had lived a hundred years, from the joy therein received,
+for never have I seen, after visiting all Courts, a princess fit to
+hold a candle to your beauty. To be brief, if I die not by the sword,
+you will still be the cause of my death, for I am resolved to spend my
+life in your love, if life will depart in the place whence it comes."
+
+Now this queen had never heard such words before, and preferred them
+to the most sweetly sung mass; her pleasure showed itself in her face,
+which became purple, for these words made her blood boil within her
+veins, so that the strings of her lute were moved thereat, and struck
+a sweet note that rang melodiously in her ears, for this lute fills
+with its music the brain and the body of the ladies, by a sweet
+artifice of their resonant nature. What a shame to be young,
+beautiful, Spanish, and queen, and yet neglected. She conceived an
+intense disdain for those of her Court who had kept their lips closed
+concerning this infidelity, through fear of the king, and determined
+to revenge herself with the aid of this handsome Frenchman, who cared
+so little for life that in his first words he had staked it in making
+a proposition to a queen, which was worthy of death, if she did her
+duty. Instead of this, however, she pressed his foot with her own, in
+a manner that admitted no misconception, and said aloud to him--
+
+"Sir Knight, let us change the subject, for it is very wrong of you to
+attack a poor queen in her weak spot. Tell us the customs of the
+ladies of the Court of France."
+
+Thus did the knight receive the delicate hint that the business was
+arranged. Then he commenced to talk of merry and pleasant things,
+which during supper kept the court, the king, the queen, and all the
+courtiers in a good humour; so much so that when the siege was raised,
+Leufroid declared that he had never laughed so much in his life. Then
+they strolled about the gardens, which were the most beautiful in the
+world, and the queen made a pretext of the chevalier's sayings to walk
+beneath a grove of blossoming orange trees, which yielded a delicious
+fragrance.
+
+"Lovely and noble queen," said Gauttier, immediately, "I have seen in
+all countries the perdition of love have its birth in these first
+attentions, which we call courtesy; if you have confidence in me, let
+us agree, as people of high intelligence, to love each other without
+standing on so much ceremony; by this means no suspicion will be
+aroused, our happiness will be less dangerous and more lasting. In
+this fashion should queens conduct their amours, if they would avoid
+interference."
+
+"Well said," said she. "But as I am new at this business, I did not
+know what arrangements to make."
+
+"Have you are among your women one in whom you have perfect
+confidence?"
+
+"Yes," said she; "I have a maid who came from Spain with me, who would
+put herself on a gridiron for me like St. Lawrence did for God, but
+she is always poorly."
+
+"That's good," said her companion, "because you go to see her."
+
+"Yes," said the queen, "and sometimes at night."
+
+"Ah!" exclaimed Gauttier, "I make a vow to St. Rosalie, patroness of
+Sicily, to build her a gold altar for this fortune."
+
+"O Jesus!" cried the queen. "I am doubly blessed in having a lover so
+handsome and yet so religious."
+
+"Ah, my dear, I have two sweethearts today, because I have a queen to
+love in heaven above, and another one here below, and luckily these
+loves cannot clash one with the other."
+
+This sweet speech so affected the queen, that for nothing she would
+have fled with this cunning Frenchman.
+
+"The Virgin Mary is very powerful in heaven," said the queen. "Love
+grant that I may be like her!"
+
+"Bah! they are talking of the Virgin Mary," said the king, who by
+chance had come to watch them, disturbed by a gleam of jealousy, cast
+into his heart by a Sicilian courtier, who was furious at the sudden
+favour which the Frenchman had obtained.
+
+The queen and the chevalier laid their plans, and everything was
+secretly arranged to furnish the helmet of the king with two invisible
+ornaments. The knight rejoined the Court, made himself agreeable to
+everyone, and returned to the Palace of Pezare, whom he told that
+their fortunes were made, because on the morrow, at night, he would
+sleep with the queen. This swift success astonished the Venetian, who,
+like a good friend, went in search of fine perfumes, linen of Brabant,
+and precious garments, to which queens are accustomed, with all of
+which he loaded his friend Gauttier, in order that the case might be
+worthy the jewel.
+
+"Ah, my friend," said he "are you sure not to falter, but to go
+vigorously to work, to serve the queen bravely, and give her such joys
+in her castle of Gallardin that she may hold on for ever to this
+master staff, like a drowning sailor to a plank?"
+
+"As for that, fear nothing, dear Pezare, because I have the arrears of
+the journey, and I will deal with her as with a simple servant,
+instructing her in the ways of the ladies of Touraine, who understand
+love better than all others, because they make it, remake it, and
+unmake it to make it again and having remade it, still keep on making
+it; and having nothing else to do, have to do that which always wants
+doing. Now let us settle our plans. This is how we shall obtain the
+government of the island. I shall hold the queen and you the king; we
+will play the comedy of being great enemies before the eyes of the
+courtiers, in order to divide them into two parties under our command,
+and yet, unknown to all, we will remain friends. By this means we
+shall know their plots, and will thwart them, you by listening to my
+enemies and I to yours. In the course of a few days we will pretend to
+quarrel in order to strive one against the other. This quarrel will be
+caused by the favour in which I will manage to place you with the
+king, through the channel of the queen, and he will give you supreme
+power, to my injury."
+
+On the morrow Gauttier went to the house of the Spanish lady, who
+before the courtiers he recognised as having known in Spain, and he
+remained there seven whole days. As you can imagine, the Touranian
+treated the queen as a fondly loved woman, and showed her so many
+terra incognita in love, French fashions, little tendernesses, etc.,
+that she nearly lost her reason through it, and swore that the French
+were the only people who thoroughly understood love. You see how the
+king was punished, who, to keep her virtuous, had allowed weeds to
+grow in the grange of love. Their supernatural festivities touched the
+queen so strongly that she made a vow of eternal love to Montsoreau,
+who had awakened her, by revealing to her the joys of the proceeding.
+It was arranged that the Spanish lady should take care always to be
+ill; and that the only man to whom the lovers would confide their
+secret should be the court physician, who was much attached to the
+queen. By chance this physician had in his glottis, chords exactly
+similar to those of Gauttier, so that by a freak of nature they had
+the same voice, which much astonished the queen. The physician swore
+on his life faithfully to serve the pretty couple, for he deplored the
+sad desertion of this beautiful women, and was delighted to know she
+would be served as a queen should be--a rare thing.
+
+A month elapsed and everything was going on to the satisfaction of the
+two friends, who worked the plans laid by the queen, in order to get
+the government of Sicily into the hands of Pezare, to the detriment of
+Montsoreau, whom the king loved for his great wisdom; but the queen
+would not consent to have him, because he was so ungallant. Leufroid
+dismissed the Duke of Cataneo, his principal follower, and put the
+Chevalier Pezare in his place. The Venetian took no notice of his
+friend the Frenchmen. Then Gauttier burst out, declaimed loudly
+against the treachery and abused friendship of his former comrade, and
+instantly earned the devotion of Cataneo and his friends, with whom he
+made a compact to overthrow Pezare. Directly he was in office the
+Venetian, who was a shrewd man, and well suited to govern states,
+which was the usual employment of Venetian gentlemen, worked wonders
+in Sicily, repaired the ports, brought merchants there by the
+fertility of his inventions and by granting them facilities, put bread
+into the mouths of hundreds of poor people, drew thither artisans of
+all trades, because fetes were always being held, and also the idle
+and rich from all quarters, even from the East. Thus harvests, the
+products of the earth, and other commodities, were plentiful; and
+galleys came from Asia, the which made the king much envied, and the
+happiest king in the Christian world, because through these things his
+Court was the most renowned in the countries of Europe. This fine
+political aspect was the result of the perfect agreement of the two
+men who thoroughly understood each other. The one looked after the
+pleasures, and was himself the delight of the queen, whose face was
+always bright and gay, because she was served according to the method
+of Touraine, and became animated through excessive happiness; and he
+also took care to keep the king amused, finding him every day new
+mistresses, and casting him into a whirl of dissipation. The king was
+much astonished at the good temper of the queen, whom, since the
+arrival of the Sire de Montsoreau in the island, he had touched no
+more than a Jew touches bacon. Thus occupied, the king and queen
+abandoned the care of their kingdom to the other friend, who conducted
+the affairs of government, ruled the establishment, managed the
+finances, and looked to the army, and all exceedingly well, knowing
+where money was to be made, enriching the treasury, and preparing all
+the great enterprises above mentioned.
+
+The state of things lasted three years, some say four, but the monks
+of Saint Benoist have not wormed out the date, which remains obscure,
+like the reasons for the quarrel between the two friends. Probably the
+Venetian had the high ambition to reign without any control or
+dispute, and forgot the services which the Frenchman had rendered him.
+Thus do the men who live in Courts behave, for, according to the
+statements of the Messire Aristotle in his works, that which ages the
+most rapidly in this world is a kindness, although extinguished love
+is sometimes very rancid. Now, relying on the perfect friendship of
+Leufroid, who called him his crony, and would have done anything for
+him, the Venetian conceived the idea of getting rid of his friend by
+revealing to the king the mystery of his cuckoldom, and showing him
+the source of the queen's happiness, not doubting for a moment but
+that he would commence by depriving Monsoreau of his head, according
+to a practice common in Sicily under similar circumstances. By this
+means Pezare would have all the money that he and Gauttier had
+noiselessly conveyed to the house of a Lombard of Genoa, which money
+was their joint property on account of their fraternity. This
+treasure, increased on one side by the magnificent presents made to
+Montsoreau by the queen, who had vast estates in Spain, and other, by
+inheritance in Italy; on the other, by the king's gifts to his prime
+minister, to whom he also gave certain rights over the merchants, and
+other indulgences. The treacherous friend, having determined to break
+his vow, took care to conceal his intention from Gauttier, because the
+Touranian was an awkward man to tackle.
+
+One night that Pezare knew that the queen was in bed with her lover,
+who loved him as though each night were a wedding one, so skilful was
+she at the business, the traitor promised the king to let him take
+evidence in the case, through a hole he had made in the wardrobe of
+the Spanish lady, who always pretended to be at death's door. In order
+to obtain a better view, Pezare waited until the sun had risen. The
+Spanish lady, who was fleet of foot, had a quick eye and a sharp ear,
+heard footsteps, peeped out, and perceiving the king, followed by the
+Venetian, through a crossbar in the closet in which she slept the
+night that the queen had her lover between two sheets, which is
+certainly the best way to have a lover. She ran to warn the couple of
+this betrayal. But the king's eye was already at the cursed hole,
+Leufroid saw--what?
+
+That beautiful and divine lantern with burns so much oil and lights
+the world--a lantern adorned with the most lovely baubles, flaming,
+brilliantly, which he thought more lovely than all the others, because
+he had lost sight of it for so long a time that it appeared quite new
+to him; but the size of the hole prevented him seeing anything else
+except the hand of a man, which modestly covered the lantern, and he
+heard the voice of Montsoreau saying--
+
+"How's the little treasure, this morning?" A playful expression, which
+lovers used jokingly, because this lantern is in all countries the sun
+of love, and for this the prettiest possible names are bestowed upon
+it, whilst comparing it to the loveliest things in nature, such as my
+pomegranate, my rose, my little shell, my hedgehog, my gulf of love,
+my treasure, my master, my little one; some even dared most
+heretically to say, my god! If you don't believe it, ask your friends.
+
+At this moment the lady let him understand by a gesture that the king
+was there.
+
+"Can he hear?" said the queen.
+
+"Yes."
+
+"Can he see?"
+
+"Yes."
+
+"Who brought him?"
+
+"Pezare."
+
+"Fetch the physician, and get Gauttier into his own room." said the
+queen.
+
+In less time than it takes a beggar to say "God bless you, sir!" the
+queen had swathed the lantern in linen and paint, so that you would
+have thought it a hideous wound in a state of grievous inflammation.
+When the king, enraged by what he overheard, burst open the door, he
+found the queen lying on the bed exactly as he has seen her through
+the hole, and the physician, examining the lantern swathed in
+bandages, and saying, "How it is the little treasure, this morning?"
+in exactly the same voice as the king had heard. A jocular and
+cheerful expression, because physicians and surgeons use cheerful
+words with ladies and treat this sweet flower with flowery phrases.
+This sight made the king look as foolish as a fox caught in a trap.
+The queen sprang up, reddening with shame, and asking what man dared
+to intrude upon her privacy at such a moment, but perceiving the king,
+she said to him as follows:--
+
+"Ah! my lord, you have discovered that which I have endeavoured to
+conceal from you: that I am so badly treated by you that I am
+afflicted with a burning ailment, of which my dignity would not allow
+me to complain, but which needs secret dressing in order to assuage
+the influence of the vital forces. To save my honour and your own, I
+am compelled to come to my good Lady Miraflor, who consoles me in my
+troubles."
+
+Then the physician commenced to treat Leufroid to an oration,
+interlarded with Latin quotations and precious grains from
+Hippocrates, Galen, the School of Salerno, and others, in which he
+showed him how necessary to women was the proper cultivation of the
+field of Venus, and that there was great danger of death to queens of
+Spanish temperament, whose blood was excessively amorous. He delivered
+himself of his arguments with great solemnity of feature, voice, and
+manner, in order to give the Sire de Montsoreau time to get to bed.
+Then the queen took the same text to preach the king a sermon as long
+as his arm, and requested the loan of that limb, that the king might
+conduct her to her apartment instead of the poor invalid, who usually
+did so in order to avoid calumny. When they were in the gallery where
+the Sire de Montsoreau resided, the queen said jokingly, "You should
+play a good trick on this Frenchman, who I would wager is with some
+lady, and not in his own room. All the ladies of Court are in love
+with him, and there will be mischief some day through him. If you had
+taken my advice he would not be in Sicily now."
+
+Leufroid went suddenly into Gauttier's room, whom he found in a deep
+sleep, and snoring like a monk in Church. The queen returned with the
+king, whom she took to her apartments, and whispered to one of the
+guards to send to her the lord whose place Pezare occupied. Then,
+while she fondled the king, taking breakfast with him, she took the
+lord directly he came, into an adjoining room.
+
+"Erect a gallows on the bastion," said she, "then seize the knight
+Pezare, and manage so that he is hanged instantly, without giving time
+to write or say a single word on any subject whatsoever. Such is our
+good pleasure and supreme command."
+
+Cataneo made no remark. While Pezare was thinking to himself that his
+friend Gauttier would soon be minus his head, the Duke Cataneo came to
+seize and lead him on to bastion, from which he could see at the
+queen's window the Sire de Montsoreau in company with the king, the
+queen, and the courtiers, and came to the conclusion that he who
+looked after the queen had a better chance in everything than he who
+looked after the king.
+
+"My dear," said the queen to her spouse, leading him to the window,
+"behold a traitor, who was endeavouring to deprive you of that which
+you hold dearest in the world, and I will give you the proofs when you
+have the leisure to study them."
+
+Montsoreau, seeing the preparations for the final ceremony, threw
+himself at the king's feet, to obtain the pardon of him who was his
+mortal enemy, at which the king was much moved.
+
+"Sire de Monsoreau," said the queen, turning towards him with an angry
+look, "are you so bold as to oppose our will and pleasure?"
+
+"You are a noble knight," said the king, "but you do not know how
+bitter this Venetian was against you."
+
+Pezare was delicately strangled between the head and the shoulders,
+for the queen revealed his treacheries to the king, proving to him, by
+the declaration of a Lombard of the town, the enormous sums which
+Pezare had in the bank of Genoa, the whole of which were given up to
+Montsoreau.
+
+This noble and lovely queen died, as related in the history of Sicily,
+that is, in consequence of a heavy labour, during which she gave birth
+to a son, who was a man as great in himself as he was unfortunate in
+his undertakings. The king believed the physician's statement, that
+the said termination to this accouchement was caused by the too chaste
+life the queen had led, and believing himself responsible for it, he
+founded the Church of the Madonna, which is one of the finest in the
+town of Palermo. The Sire de Monsoreau, who was a witness of the
+king's remorse, told him that when a king got his wife from Spain, he
+ought to know that this queen would require more attention than any
+other, because the Spanish ladies were so lively that they equalled
+ten ordinary women, and that if he wished a wife for show only, he
+should get her from the north of Germany, where the women are as cold
+as ice. The good knight came back to Touraine laden with wealth, and
+lived there many years, but never mentioned his adventures in Sicily.
+He returned there to aid the king's son in his principal attempt
+against Naples, and left Italy when this sweet prince was wounded, as
+is related in the Chronicle.
+
+Besides the high moralities contained in the title of this tale, where
+it is said that fortune, being female, is always on the side of the
+ladies, and that men are quite right to serve them well, it shows us
+that silence is the better part of wisdom. Nevertheless, the monkish
+author of this narrative seems to draw this other no less learned
+moral therefrom, that interest which makes so many friendships, breaks
+them also. But from these three versions you can choose the one that
+best accords with your judgment and your momentary requirement.
+
+
+
+       CONCERNING A POOR MAN WHO WAS CALLED LE VIEUX PAR-CHEMINS
+
+The old chronicler who furnished the hemp to weave the present story,
+is said to have lived at the time when the affair occurred in the City
+of Rouen.
+
+In the environs of this fair town, where at the time dwelt Duke
+Richard, an old man used to beg, whose name was Tryballot, but to whom
+was given the nickname of Le Vieux par-Chemins, or the Old Man of the
+Roads; not because he was yellow and dry as vellum, but because he was
+always in the high-ways and by-ways--up hill and down dale--slept with
+the sky for his counterpane, and went about in rags and tatters.
+Notwithstanding this, he was very popular in the duchy, where everyone
+had grown used to him, so much so that if the month went by without
+anyone seeing his cup held towards them, people would say, "Where is
+the old man?" and the usual answer was, "On the roads."
+
+This said man had had for a father a Tryballot, who was in his
+lifetime a skilled artisan, so economical and careful, that he left
+considerable wealth to his son.
+
+But the young lad soon frittered it away, for he was the very opposite
+of the old fellow, who, returning from the fields to his house, picked
+up, now here, now there, many a little stick of wood left right and
+left, saying, conscientiously, that one should never come home empty
+handed. Thus he warmed himself in the winter at the expense of the
+careless; and he did well. Everyone recognised what a good example
+this was for the country, since a year before his death no one left a
+morsel of wood on the road; he had compelled the most dissipated to be
+thrifty and orderly. But his son made ducks and drakes of everything,
+and did not follow his wise example. The father had predicted the
+thing. From the boy's earliest youth, when the good Tryballot set him
+to watch the birds who came to eat the peas, beans, and the grain, and
+to drive the thieves away, above all, the jays, who spoiled
+everything, he would study their habits, and took delight in watching
+with what grace they came and went, flew off loaded, and returned,
+watching with a quick eye the snares and nets; and he would laugh
+heartily at their cleverness in avoiding them. Tryballot senior went
+into a passion when he found his grain considerably less in a measure.
+But although he pulled his son's ears whenever he caught him idling
+and trifling under a nut tree, the little rascal did not alter his
+conduct, but continued to study the habits of the blackbirds,
+sparrows, and other intelligent marauders. One day his father told him
+that he would be wise to model himself after them, for that if he
+continued this kind of life, he would be compelled in his old age like
+them, to pilfer, and like them, would be pursued by justice. This came
+true; for, as has before been stated, he dissipated in a few days the
+crowns which his careful father had acquired in a life-time. He dealt
+with men as he did with the sparrows, letting everyone put a hand in
+his pocket, and contemplating the grace and polite demeanour of those
+who assisted to empty it. The end of his wealth was thus soon reached.
+When the devil had the empty money bag to himself, Tryballot did not
+appear at all cut up, saying, that he "did not wish to damn himself
+for this world's goods, and that he had studied philosophy in the
+school of the birds."
+
+After having thoroughly enjoyed himself, of all his goods, there only
+remained to him a goblet bought at Landict, and three dice, quite
+sufficient furniture for drinking and gambling, so that he went about
+without being encumbered, as are the great, with chariots, carpets,
+dripping pans, and an infinite number of varlets. Tryballot wished to
+see his good friends, but they no longer knew him, which fact gave him
+leave no longer to recognise anyone. Seeing this, he determined to
+choose a profession in which there was nothing to do and plenty to
+gain. Thinking this over, he remembered the indulgences of the
+blackbirds and the sparrows. Then the good Tryballot selected for his
+profession that of begging money at people's houses, and pilfering.
+From the first day, charitable people gave him something, and
+Tryballot was content, finding the business good, without advance
+money or bad debts; on the contrary, full of accommodation. He went
+about it so heartily, that he was liked everywhere, and received a
+thousand consolations refused to rich people. The good man watched the
+peasants planting, sowing, reaping, and making harvest, and said to
+himself, that they worked a little for him as well. He who had a pig
+in his larder owed him a bit for it, without suspecting it. The man
+who baked a loaf in his oven often baked it for Tryballot without
+knowing it. He took nothing by force; on the contrary, people said to
+him kindly, while making him a present, "Here Vieux par-Chemins, cheer
+up, old fellow. How are you? Come, take this; the cat began it, you
+can finish it."
+
+Vieux par-Chemins was at all the weddings, baptisms, and funerals,
+because he went everywhere where there was, openly or secretly,
+merriment and feasting. He religiously kept the statutes and canons of
+his order--namely, to do nothing, because if he had been able to do
+the smallest amount of work no one would ever give anything again.
+After having refreshed himself, this wise man would lay full length in
+a ditch, or against a church wall, and think over public affairs; and
+then he would philosophise, like his pretty tutors, the blackbirds,
+jays, and sparrows, and thought a great deal while mumping; for,
+because his apparel was poor, was that a reason his understanding
+should not be rich? His philosophy amused his clients, to whom he
+would repeat, by way of thanks, the finest aphorisms of his science.
+According to him, suppers produced gout in the rich: he boasted that
+he had nimble feet, because his shoemaker gave him boots that do not
+pinch his corns. There were aching heads beneath diadems, but his
+never ached, because it was touched neither by luxury nor any other
+chaplet. And again, that jewelled rings hinder the circulation of the
+blood. Although he covered himself with sores, after the manner of
+cadgers, you may be sure he was as sound as a child at the baptismal
+font.
+
+The good man disported himself with other rogues, playing with his
+three dice, which he kept to remind him to spend his coppers, in order
+that he might always be poor. In spite of his vow, he was, like all
+the order of mendicants, so wealthy that one day at the Paschal feast,
+another beggar wishing to rent his profit from him, Vieux par-Chemins
+refused ten crowns for it; in fact, the same evening he spent fourteen
+crowns in drinking the health of the alms-givers, because it is the
+statutes of beggary that one should show one's gratitude to donors.
+Although he carefully got rid of that of which had been a source of
+anxiety to others, who, having too much wealth went in search of
+poverty, he was happier with nothing in the world than when he had his
+father's money. And seeing what are the conditions of nobility, he was
+always on the high road to it, because he did nothing except according
+to his fancy, and lived nobly without labour. Thirty crowns would not
+have got him out of a bed when he was in it. The morrow always dawned
+for him as it did for others, while leading this happy life; which,
+according to the statements of Plato, whose authority has more than
+once been invoked in these narratives, certain ancient sages had led
+before him. At last, Vieux par-Chemins reached the age of eighty-two
+years, having never been a single day without picking up money, and
+possessed the healthiest colour and complexion imaginable. He believed
+that if he had persevered in the race for wealth he would have been
+spoiled and buried years before. It is possible he was right.
+
+In his early youth Vieux par-Chemins had the illustrious virtue of
+being very partial to the ladies; and his abundance of love was, it is
+said, the result of his studies among the sparrows. Thus it was that
+he was always ready to give the ladies his assistance in counting the
+joists, and this generosity finds its physical cause in the fact that,
+having nothing to do, he was always ready to do something. His secret
+virtues brought about, it is said, that popularity which he enjoyed in
+the provinces. Certain people say that the lady of Chaumont had him in
+her castle, to learn the truth about these qualities, and kept him
+there for a week, to prevent him begging. But the good man jumped over
+the hedges and fled in great terror of being rich. Advancing in age,
+this great quintessencer found himself disdained, although his notable
+faculties of loving were in no way impaired. This unjust turning away
+on the part of the female tribe caused the first trouble of Vieux
+par-Chemins, and the celebrated trial of Rouen, to which it is time I
+came.
+
+In this eighty-second year of his age he was compelled to remain
+continent for about seven months, during which time he met no woman
+kindly disposed towards him; and he declared before the judge that
+that had caused the greatest astonishment of his long and honourable
+life. In this most pitiable state he saw in the fields during the
+merry month of May a girl, who by chance was a maiden, and minding
+cows. The heat was so excessive that this cowherdess had stretched
+herself beneath the shadow of a beech tree, her face to the ground,
+after the custom of people who labour in the fields, in order to get a
+little nap while her animals were grazing. She was awakened by the
+deed of the old man, who had stolen from her that which a poor girl
+could only lose once. Finding herself ruined without receiving from
+the process either knowledge or pleasure, she cried out so loudly that
+the people working in the fields ran to her, and were called upon by
+her as witnesses, at the time when that destruction was visible in her
+which is appropriate only to a bridal night. She cried and groaned,
+saying that the old ape might just as well have played his tricks on
+her mother, who would have said nothing.
+
+He made answer to the peasants, who had already raised their hoes to
+kill him, that he had been compelled to enjoy himself. These people
+objected that a man can enjoy himself very well without enjoying a
+maiden--a case for the provost, which would bring him straight to the
+gallows; and he was taken with great clamour to the jail of Rouen.
+
+The girl, interrogated by the provost, declared that she was sleeping
+in order to do something, and that she thought she was dreaming of her
+lover, with whom she was then at loggerheads, because before marriage
+he wished to take certain liberties: and jokingly, in this dream she
+let him reconnoiter to a certain extent, in order to avoid any dispute
+afterwards, and that in spite of her prohibitions he went further than
+she had given him leave to go, and finding more pain than pleasure in
+the affair, she had been awakened by Vieux par-Chemins, who had
+attacked her as a gray-friar would a ham at the end of lent.
+
+This trial caused so great a commotion in the town of Rouen that the
+provost was sent for by the duke, who had an intense desire to know if
+the thing were true. Upon the affirmation of the provost, he ordered
+Vieux par-Chemins to be brought to his palace, in order that he might
+hear what defence he had to make. The poor old fellow appeared before
+the prince, and informed him naively of the misfortune which his
+impulsive nature brought upon him, declaring that he was like a young
+fellow impelled by imperious desires; that up to the present year he
+had sweethearts of his own, but for the last eight months he had been
+a total abstainer; that he was too poor to find favour with the girls
+of the town; that honest women who once were charitable to him, had
+taken a dislike to his hair, which had feloniously turned white in
+spite of the green youth of his love, and that he felt compelled to
+avail himself of the chance when he saw this maiden, who, stretched at
+full length under the beech tree, left visible the lining of her dress
+and two hemispheres, white as snow, which had deprived him of reason;
+that the fault was the girl's and not his, because young maidens
+should be forbidden to entice passers-by by showing them that which
+caused Venus to be named Callipyge; finally the prince ought to be
+aware what trouble a man had to control himself at the hour of noon,
+because that was the time of day at which King David was smitten with
+the wife of the Sieur Uriah, that where a Hebrew king, beloved of God,
+had succumbed, a poor man, deprived of all joy, and reduced to begging
+for his bread, could not expect to escape; that for that matter of
+that, he was quite willing to sing psalms for the remainder of his
+days, and play upon a lute by way of penance, in imitation of the said
+king, who had had the misfortune to slay a husband, while he had only
+done a trifling injury to a peasant girl. The duke listened to the
+arguments of Vieux par-Chemins, and said that he was a man of good
+parts. Then he made his memorable decree, that if, as this beggar
+declared, he had need of such gratification at his age he gave
+permission to prove it at the foot of the ladder which he would have
+to mount to be hanged, according to the sentence already passed on him
+by the provost; that if then, the rope being round his neck, between
+the priest and the hangman, a like desire seized him he should have a
+free pardon.
+
+This decree becoming known, there was a tremendous crowd to see the
+old fellow led to the gallows. There was a line drawn up as if for a
+ducal entry, and in it many more bonnets than hats. Vieux par-Chemins
+was saved by a lady curious to see how this precious violator would
+finish his career. She told the duke that religion demanded that he
+should have a fair chance. And she dressed herself as if for a ball;
+she brought intentionally into evidence two hillocks of such snowy
+whiteness that the whitest linen neckerchief would have paled before
+them; indeed, these fruits of love stood out, without a wrinkle, over
+her corset, like two beautiful apples, and made one's mouth water, so
+exquisite were they. This noble lady, who was one of those who rouse
+one's manhood, had a smile ready on her lips for the old fellow. Vieux
+par-Chemins, dressed in garments of coarse cloth, more certain of
+being in the desired state after hanging than before it, came along
+between the officers of justice with a sad countenance, glancing now
+here and there, and seeing nothing but head-dresses; and he would he
+declared, have given a hundred crowns for a girl tucked up as was the
+cowherdess, whose charms, though they had been his ruin, he still
+remembered, and they might still have saved him; but, as he was old,
+the remembrance was not sufficiently recent. But when, at the foot of
+the ladder, he saw the twin charms of the lady, and the pretty delta
+that their confluent rotundities produced, the sight so much excited
+him that his emotion was patent to the spectators.
+
+"Make haste and see that the required conditions are fulfilled," said
+he to the officers. "I have gained my pardon but I cannot answer for
+my saviour."
+
+The lady was well pleased with this homage, which, she said, was
+greater than his offence. The guards, whose business it was to proceed
+to a verification, believed the culprit to be the devil, because never
+in their wits had they seen an "I" so perpendicular as was the old
+man. He was marched in triumph through the town to the palace of the
+duke, to whom the guards and others stated the facts. In that period
+of ignorance, this affair was thought so much of that the town voted
+the erection of a column on the spot where the old fellow gained his
+pardon, and he was portrayed thereon in stone in the attitude he
+assumed at the sight of that honest and virtuous lady. The statue was
+still to be seen when Rouen was taken by the English, and the writers
+of the period have included this history among the notable events of
+the reign.
+
+As the town offered to supply the old man with all he required, and
+see to his sustenance, clothing, and amusements, the good duke
+arranged matters by giving the injured maiden a thousand crowns and
+marrying her to her seducer, who then lost his name of Vieux
+par-Chemins. He was named by the duke the Sieur de Bonne-C------.
+This wife was confined nine months afterwards of a perfectly formed
+male child, alive and kicking, and born with two teeth. From this
+marriage came the house of Bonne-C------, who from motives modest but
+wrong, besought our well-beloved King Louis Eleventh to grant them
+letters patent to change their names into that of Bonne-Chose. The
+king pointed out to the Sieur de Bonne-C------ that there was in the
+state of Venice an illustrious family named Coglioni, who wore three
+"C------ au natural" on their coat of arms. The gentlemen of the House
+of Bonne-C------ stated to the king that their wives were ashamed to
+be thus called in public assemblies; the king answered that they would
+lose a great deal, because there is a great deal in a name.
+Nevertheless, he granted the letters. After that this race was known
+by this name, and founded families in many provinces. The first Sieur
+de Bonne-C------ lived another 27 years, and had another son and two
+daughters. But he grieved much at becoming rich, and no longer being
+able to pick up a living in the street.
+
+From this you can obtain finer lessons and higher morals than from any
+story you will read all your life long--of course excepting these
+hundred glorious Droll Tales--namely, that never could adventure of
+this sort have happened to the impaired and ruined constitutions of
+court rascals, rich people and others who dig their graves with their
+teeth by over-eating and drinking many wines that impair the
+implements of happiness; which said over-fed people were lolling
+luxuriously in costly draperies and on feather beds, while the Sieur
+de Bonne-Chose was roughing it. In a similar situation, if they had
+eaten cabbage, it would have given them the diarrhoea. This may incite
+many of those who read this story to change their mode of life, in
+order to imitate Vieux par-Chemins in his old age.
+
+
+
+                   ODD SAYINGS OF THREE PILGRIMS
+
+When the pope left his good town of Avignon to take up his residence
+in Rome, certain pilgrims were thrown out who had set out for this
+country, and would have to pass the high Alps, in order to gain this
+said town of Rome, where they were going to seek the _remittimus_ of
+various sins. Then were to be seen on the roads, and the hostelries,
+those who wore the order of Cain, otherwise the flower of the
+penitents, all wicked fellows, burdened with leprous souls, which
+thirsted to bathe in the papal piscina, and all carrying with them
+gold or precious things to purchase absolution, pay for their beds,
+and present to the saints. You may be sure that those who drank water
+going, on their return, if the landlords gave them water, wished it to
+be the holy water of the cellar.
+
+At this time the three pilgrims came to this said Avignon to their
+injury, seeing that it was widowed of the pope. While they were
+passing the Rhodane, to reach the Mediterranean coast, one of the
+three pilgrims, who had with him a son about 10 years of age, parted
+company with the others, and near the town of Milan suddenly appeared
+again, but without the boy. Now in the evening, at supper, they had a
+hearty feast in order to celebrate the return of the pilgrim, who they
+thought had become disgusted with penitence through the pope not being
+in Avignon. Of these three roamers to Rome, one had come from the city
+of Paris, the other from Germany, and the third, who doubtless wished
+to instruct his son on the journey, had his home in the duchy of
+Burgundy, in which he had certain fiefs, and was a younger son of the
+house of Villers-la-Faye (Villa in Fago), and was named La Vaugrenand.
+The German baron had met the citizen of Paris just past Lyons, and
+both had accosted the Sire de la Vaugrenand in sight of Avignon.
+
+Now in this hostelry the three pilgrims loosened their tongues, and
+agreed to journey to Rome together, in order the better to resist the
+foot pads, the night-birds, and other malefactors, who made it their
+business to ease pilgrims of that which weighed upon their bodies
+before the pope eased them of that which weighed upon their
+consciences. After drinking the three companions commenced to talk
+together, for the bottle is the key of conversation, and each made
+this confession--that the cause of his pilgrimage was a woman. The
+servant who watched their drinking, told them that of a hundred
+pilgrims who stopped in the locality, ninety-nine were travelling from
+the same thing. These three wise men then began to consider how
+pernicious is woman to man. The Baron showed the heavy gold chain that
+he had in his hauberk to present to Saint Peter, and said his crime
+was such that he would not get rid of with the value of two such
+chains. The Parisian took off his glove, and exposed a ring set with a
+white diamond, saying that he had a hundred like it for the pope. The
+Burgundian took off his hat, and exhibited two wonderful pearls, that
+were beautiful ear-pendants for Notre-Dame-de-Lorette, and candidly
+confessed that he would rather have left them round his wife's neck.
+
+Thereupon the servant exclaimed that their sins must have been as
+great as those of Visconti.
+
+Then the pilgrims replied that they were such that they had made a
+solemn vow in their minds never to go astray again during the
+remainder of their days, however beautiful the woman might be, and
+this in addition to the penance which the pope might impose upon them.
+
+Then the servant expressed her astonishment that all had made the same
+vow. The Burgundian added, that this vow had been the cause of his
+lagging behind, because he had been in extreme fear that his son, in
+spite of his age, might go astray, and that he had made a vow to
+prevent people and beasts alike gratifying their passions in his
+house, or upon his estates. The baron having inquired the particulars
+of the adventure, the sire narrated the affair as follows:--
+
+"You know that the good Countess Jeane d'Avignon made formerly a law
+for the harlots, who she compelled to live in the outskirts of the
+town in houses with window-shutters painted red and closed. Now
+passing in my company in this vile neighbourhood, my lad remarked
+these houses with closed window-shutters, painted red, and his
+curiosity being aroused--for these ten-year old little devils have
+eyes for everything--he pulled me by the sleeve and kept on pulling
+until he had learnt from me what these houses were. Then, to obtain
+peace, I told him that young lads had nothing to do with such places,
+and could only enter them at the peril of their lives, because it was
+a place where men and women were manufactured, and the danger was such
+for anyone unacquainted with the business that if a novice entered,
+flying chancres and other wild beasts would seize upon his face. Fear
+seized the lad, who then followed me to the hostelry in a state of
+agitation, and not daring to cast his eyes upon the said bordels.
+While I was in the stable, seeing to the putting up of the horses, my
+son went off like a robber, and the servant was unable to tell me what
+had become of him. Then I was in great fear of the wenches, but had
+confidence in the laws, which forbade them to admit such children. At
+supper-time the rascal came back to me looking no more ashamed of
+himself than did our divine Saviour in the temple among the doctors.
+
+"'Whence comes you?' said I to him.
+
+"'From the houses with the red shutters,' he replied.
+
+"'Little blackguard,' said I, 'I'll give you a taste of the whip.'
+
+"Then he began to moan and cry. I told him that if he would confess
+all that had happened to him I would let him off the beating.
+
+"'Ha,' said he, 'I took care not to go in, because of the flying
+chancres and other wild beasts. I only looked through the chinks of
+the windows, in order to see how men were manufactured.'
+
+"'And what did you see?' I asked.
+
+"'I saw,' said he, 'a fine woman just being finished, because she only
+wanted one peg, which a young worker was fitting in with energy.
+Directly she was finished she turned round, spoke to, and kissed her
+manufacturer.'
+
+"'Have your supper,' said I; and the same night I returned into
+Burgundy, and left him with his mother, being sorely afraid that at
+the first town he might want to fit a peg into some girl."
+
+"These children often make these sort of answers," said the Parisian.
+"One of my neighbour's children revealed the cuckoldom of his father
+by a reply. One day I asked, to see if he was well instructed at
+school in religious matters, 'What is hope?' 'One of the king's big
+archers, who comes here when father goes out,' said he. Indeed, the
+sergeant of the Archers was named Hope. My friend was dumbfounded at
+this, and, although to keep his countenance he looked in the mirror,
+he could not see his horns there."
+
+The baron observed that the boy's remark was good in this way: that
+Hope is a person who comes to bed with us when the realities of life
+are out of the way.
+
+"Is a cuckold made in the image of God?" asked the Burgundian.
+
+"No," said the Parisian, "because God was wise in this respect, that
+he took no wife; therefore is He happy through all eternity."
+
+"But," said the maid-servant, "cuckolds are made in the image of God
+before they are horned."
+
+Then the three pilgrims began to curse women, saying that they were
+the cause of all the evils in the world.
+
+"Their heads are as empty as helmets," said the Burgundian.
+
+"Their hearts are as straight as bill-hooks," said the Parisian.
+
+"Why are there so many men pilgrims and so few women pilgrims?" said
+the German baron.
+
+"Their cursed member never sins," replied the Parisian; "it knows
+neither father nor mother, the commandments of God, nor those of the
+Church, neither laws divine or human: their member knows no doctrine,
+understands no heresies, and cannot be blamed; it is innocent of all,
+and always on the laugh; its understanding is nil; and for this reason
+do I hold it in utter detestation."
+
+"I also," said the Burgundian, "and I begin to understand the
+different reading by a learned man of the verses of the Bible, in
+which the account of the creation is given. In this Commentary, which
+in my country we call a Noel, lies the reason of imperfection of this
+feature of women, of which, different to that of other females, no man
+can slake the thirst, such diabolical heat existing there. In this
+Noel is stated that the Lord God, having turned his head to look at a
+donkey, who had brayed for the first time in his Paradise, while he
+was manufacturing Eve, the devil seized this moment to put his finger
+into this divine creature, and made a warm wound, which the Lord took
+care to close with a stitch, from which comes the maid. By means of
+this frenum, the woman should remain closed, and children be made in
+the same manner in which God made the angels, by a pleasure far above
+carnal pleasure as the heaven is above the earth. Observing this
+closing, the devil, wild at being done, pinched the Sieur Adam, who
+was asleep, by the skin, and stretched a portion of it out in
+imitation of his diabolical tail; but as the father of man was on his
+back this appendage came out in front. Thus these two productions of
+the devil had the desire to reunite themselves, following the law of
+similarities which God had laid down for the conduct of the world.
+From this came the first sin and the sorrows of the human race,
+because God, noticing the devil's work, determined to see what would
+come of it."
+
+The servant declared that they were quite correct in the statements,
+for that woman was a bad animal, and that she herself knew some who
+were better under the ground than on it. The pilgrims, noticing then
+how pretty the girl was, were afraid of breaking their vows, and went
+straight to bed. The girl went and told her mistress she was
+harbouring infidels, and told her what they had said about women.
+
+"Ah!" said the landlady, "what matters it to me the thoughts my
+customers have in their brains, so long as their purses are well
+filled."
+
+And when the servant had told of the jewels, she exclaimed--
+
+"Ah, these are questions which concern all women. Let us go and reason
+with them. I'll take the nobles, you can have the citizen."
+
+The landlady, who was the most shameless inhabitant of the duchy of
+Milan, went into the chamber where the Sire de La Vaugrenand and the
+German baron were sleeping, and congratulated them upon their vows,
+saying that the women would not lose much by them; but to accomplish
+these said vows it was necessary they should endeavour to withstand
+the strongest temptations. Then she offered to lie down beside them,
+so anxious were she to see if she would be left unmolested, a thing
+which had never happened to her yet in the company of a man.
+
+On the morrow, at breakfast, the servant had the ring on her finger,
+her mistress had the gold chain and the pearl earrings. The three
+pilgrims stayed in the town about a month, spending there all the
+money they had in their purses, and agreed that if they had spoken so
+severely of women it was because they had not known those of Milan.
+
+On his return to Germany the Baron made this observation: that he was
+only guilty of one sin, that of being in his castle. The Citizen of
+Paris came back full of stories for his wife, and found her full of
+Hope. The Burgundian saw Madame de La Vaugrenand so troubled that he
+nearly died of the consolations he administered to her, in spite of
+his former opinions. This teaches us to hold our tongues in
+hostelries.
+
+
+
+                             INNOCENCE
+
+By the double crest of my fowl, and by the rose lining of my
+sweetheart's slipper! By all the horns of well-beloved cuckolds, and
+by the virtue of their blessed wives! the finest work of man is
+neither poetry, nor painted pictures, nor music, nor castles, nor
+statues, be they carved never so well, nor rowing, nor sailing
+galleys, but children.
+
+Understand me, children up to the age of ten years, for after that
+they become men or women, and cutting their wisdom teeth, are not
+worth what they cost; the worst are the best. Watch them playing,
+prettily and innocently, with slippers; above all, cancellated ones,
+with the household utensils, leaving that which displeases them,
+crying after that which pleases them, munching the sweets and
+confectionery in the house, nibbling at the stores, and always
+laughing as soon as their teeth are cut, and you will agree with me
+that they are in every way lovable; besides which they are flower and
+fruit--the fruit of love, the flower of life. Before their minds have
+been unsettled by the disturbances of life, there is nothing in this
+world more blessed or more pleasant than their sayings, which are
+naive beyond description. This is as true as the double chewing
+machine of a cow. Do not expect a man to be innocent after the manner
+of children, because there is an, I know not what, ingredient of
+reason in the naivety of a man, while the naivety of children is
+candid, immaculate, and has all the finesse of the mother, which is
+plainly proved in this tale.
+
+Queen Catherine was at that time Dauphine, and to make herself welcome
+to the king, her father-in-law, who at that time was very ill indeed,
+presented him, from time to time, with Italian pictures, knowing that
+he liked them much, being a friend of the Sieur Raphael d'Urbin and of
+the Sieurs Primatice and Leonardo da Vinci, to whom he sent large sums
+of money. She obtained from her family--who had the pick of these
+works, because at that time the Duke of the Medicis governed Tuscany
+--a precious picture, painted by a Venetian named Titian (artist to
+the Emperor Charles, and in very high flavour), in which there were
+portraits of Adam and Eve at the moment when God left them to wander
+about the terrestrial Paradise, and were painted their full height, in
+the costume of the period, in which it is difficult to make a mistake,
+because they were attired in their ignorance, and caparisoned with the
+divine grace which enveloped them--a difficult thing to execute on
+account of the colour, but one in which the said Sieur Titian
+excelled. The picture was put into the room of the poor king, who was
+then ill with the disease of which he eventually died. It had a great
+success at the Court of France, where everyone wished to see it; but
+no one was able to until after the king's death, since at his desire
+it was allowed to remain in his room as long as he lived.
+
+One day Madame Catherine took with her to the king's room her son
+Francis and little Margot, who began to talk at random, as children
+will. Now here, now there, these children had heard this picture of
+Adam and Eve spoken about, and had tormented their mother to take them
+there. Since the two little ones at times amused the old king, Madame
+the Dauphine consented to their request.
+
+"You wished to see Adam and Eve, who were our first parents; there
+they are," said she.
+
+Then she left them in great astonishment before Titian's picture, and
+seated herself by the bedside of the king, who delighted to watch the
+children.
+
+"Which of the two is Adam?" said Francis, nudging his sister Margot's
+elbow.
+
+"You silly!" replied she, "to know that, they would have to be
+dressed!"
+
+This reply, which delighted the poor king and the mother, was
+mentioned in a letter written in Florence by Queen Catherine.
+
+No writer having brought it to light, it will remain, like a sweet
+flower, in a corner of these Tales, although it is no way droll, and
+there is no other moral to be drawn from it except that to hear these
+pretty speeches of infancy one must beget the children.
+
+
+
+                      THE FAIR IMPERIA MARRIED
+
+I
+HOW MADAME IMPERIA WAS CAUGHT BY THE VERY NET SHE WAS
+ACCUSTOMED TO SPREAD FOR HER LOVE-BIRDS
+
+The lovely lady Imperia, who gloriously opens these tales, because she
+was the glory of her time, was compelled to come into the town of
+Rome, after the holding of the council, for the cardinal of Ragusa
+loved her more than his cardinal's hat, and wished to have her near
+him. This rascal was so magnificent, that he presented her with the
+beautiful palace that he had in the Papal capital. About this time she
+had the misfortune to find herself in an interesting condition by this
+cardinal. As everyone knows, this pregnancy finished with a fine
+little daughter, concerning whom the Pope said jokingly that she
+should be named Theodora, as if to say The Gift Of God. The girl was
+thus named, and was exquisitely lovely. The cardinal left his
+inheritance to this Theodora, whom the fair Imperia established in her
+hotel, for she was flying from Rome as from a pernicious place, where
+children were begotten, and where she had nearly spoiled her beautiful
+figure, her celebrated perfections, lines of the body, curves of the
+back, delicious breasts, and Serpentine charms which placed her as
+much above the other women of Christendom as the Holy Father was above
+all other Christians. But all her lovers knew that with the assistance
+of eleven doctors of Padua, seven master surgeons of Pavia, and five
+surgeons come from all parts, who assisted at her confinement, she was
+preserved from all injury. Some go so far as to say that she gained
+therein superfineness and whiteness of skin. A famous man, of the
+school of Salerno, wrote a book on the subject, to show the value of a
+confinement for the freshness, health, preservation, and beauty of
+women. In this very learned book it was clearly proved to readers that
+that which was beautiful to see in Imperia, was that which it was
+permissible for lovers alone to behold; a rare case then, for she did
+not disarrange her attire for the petty German princes whom she called
+her margraves, burgraves, electors, and dukes, just as a captain ranks
+his soldiers.
+
+Everyone knows that when she was eighteen years of age, the lovely
+Theodora, to atone for her mother's gay life, wished to retire into
+the bosom of the Church. With this idea she placed herself in the
+hands of a cardinal, in order that he might instruct her in the duties
+of the devout. This wicked shepherd found the lamb so magnificently
+beautiful that he attempted to debauch her. Theodora instantly stabbed
+herself with a stiletto, in order not to be contaminated by the
+evil-minded priest. This adventure, which was consigned to the history
+of the period, made a great commotion in Rome, and was deplored by
+everyone, so much was the daughter of Imperia beloved.
+
+Then this noble courtesan, much afflicted, returned to Rome, there to
+weep for her poor daughter. She set out in the thirty-ninth year of
+her age, which was, according to some authors, the summer of her
+magnificent beauty, because then she had obtained the acme of
+perfection, like ripe fruit. Sorrow made her haughty and hard with
+those who spoke to her of love, in order to dry her tears. The pope
+himself visited her in her palace, and gave her certain words of
+admonition. But she refused to be comforted, saying that she would
+henceforth devote herself to God, because she had never yet been
+satisfied by any man, although she had ardently desired it; and all of
+them, even a little priest, whom she had adored like a saint's shrine,
+had deceived her. God, she was sure, would not do so.
+
+This resolution disconcerted many, for she was the joy of a vast
+number of lords. So that people ran about the streets of Rome crying
+out, "Where is Madame Imperia? Is she going to deprive the world of
+love?" Some of the ambassadors wrote to their masters on the subject.
+The Emperor of the Romans was much cut up about it, because he had
+loved her to distraction for eleven weeks; had left her only to go to
+the wars, and loved her still as much as his most precious member,
+which according to his own statement, was his eye, for that alone
+embraced the whole of his dear Imperia. In this extremity the Pope
+sent for a Spanish physician, and conducted him to the beautiful
+creature, to whom he proved, by various arguments, adorned with Latin
+and Greek quotations, that beauty is impaired by tears and
+tribulation, and that through sorrow's door wrinkles step in. This
+proposition, confirmed by the doctors of the Holy College in
+controversy, had the effect of opening the doors of the palace that
+same evening. The young cardinals, the foreign envoys, the wealthy
+inhabitants, and the principal men of the town of Rome came, crowded
+the rooms, and held a joyous festival; the common people made grand
+illuminations, and thus the whole population celebrated the return of
+the Queen of Pleasure to her occupation, for she was at that time the
+presiding deity of Love. The experts in all the arts loved her much,
+because she spent considerable sums of money improving the Church in
+Rome, which contained poor Theodora's tomb, which was destroyed during
+that pillage of Rome in which perished the traitorous constable of
+Bourbon, for this holy maiden was placed therein in a massive coffin
+of gold and silver, which the cursed soldiers were anxious to obtain.
+The basilic cost, it is said, more than the pyramid erected by the
+Lady Rhodepa, an Egyptian courtesan, eighteen hundred years before the
+coming of our divine Saviour, which proves the antiquity of this
+pleasant occupation, the extravagant prices which the wise Egyptians
+paid for their pleasures, and how things deteriorate, seeing that now
+for a trifle you can have a chemise full of female loveliness in the
+Rue du Petit-Heulen, at Paris. Is it not abomination?
+
+Never had Madame Imperia appeared so lovely as at this first gala
+after her mourning. All the princes, cardinals, and others declared
+that she was worthy the homage of the whole world, which was there
+represented by a noble from every known land, and thus was it amply
+demonstrated that beauty was in every place queen of everything.
+
+The envoy of the King of France, who was a cadet of the house of l'Ile
+Adam, arrived late, although he had never yet seen Imperia, and was
+most anxious to do so. He was a handsome young knight, much in favour
+with his sovereign, in whose court he had a mistress, whom he loved
+with infinite tenderness, and who was the daughter of Monsieur de
+Montmorency, a lord whose domains bordered upon those of the house of
+l'Ile Adam. To this penniless cadet the king had given certain
+missions to the duchy of Milan, of which he had acquitted himself so
+well that he was sent to Rome to advance the negotiations concerning
+which historians have written so much in their books. Now if he had
+nothing of his own, poor little l'Ile Adam relied upon so good a
+beginning. He was slightly built, but upright as a column, dark, with
+black, glistening eyes; and a man not easily taken in; but concealing
+his finesse, he had the air of an innocent child, which made him
+gentle and amiable as a laughing maiden. Directly this gentleman
+joined her circle, and her eyes had rested upon him, Madame Imperia
+felt herself bitten by a strong desire, which stretched the harp
+strings of her nature, and produced therefrom a sound she had not
+heard for many a day. She was seized with such a vertigo of true love
+at the sight of this freshness of youth, that but for her imperial
+dignity she would have kissed the good cheeks which shone like little
+apples.
+
+Now take note of this; that so called modest women, and ladies whose
+skirts bear their armorial bearings, are thoroughly ignorant of the
+nature of man, because they keep to one alone, like the Queen of
+France who believed all men had ulcers in the nose because the king
+had; but a great courtesan, like Madame Imperia, knew man to his core,
+because she had handled a great many. In her retreat, everyone came
+out in his true colours, and concealed nothing, thinking to himself
+that he would not be long with her. Having often deplored this
+subjection, sometimes she would remark that she suffered from pleasure
+more than she suffered from pain. There was the dark shadow of her
+life. You may be sure that a lover was often compelled to part with a
+nice little heap of crowns in order to pass the night with her, and
+was reduced to desperation by a refusal. Now for her it was a joyful
+thing to feel a youthful desire, like that she had for the little
+priest, whose story commences this collection; but because she was
+older than in those merry days, love was more fully established in
+her, and she soon perceived that it was of a fiery nature when it
+began to make itself felt; indeed, she suffered in her skin like a cat
+that is being scorched, and so much so that she had an intense longing
+to spring upon this gentleman, and bear him in triumph to her nest, as
+a kite does its prey, but with great difficulty she restrained
+herself. When he came and bowed to her, she threw back her head, and
+assumed a most dignified attitude, as do those who have a love
+infatuation in their hearts. The gravity of her demeanour to the young
+ambassador caused many to think that she had work in store for him;
+equivocating on the word, after the custom of the time.
+
+L'Ile Adam, knowing himself to be dearly loved by his mistress,
+troubled himself but little about Madame Imperia, grave or gay, and
+frisked about like a goat let loose. The courtesan, terribly annoyed
+at this, changed her tone, from being sulky became gay and lively,
+came to him, softened her voice, sharpened her glance, gracefully
+inclined her head, rubbed against him with her sleeve, and called him
+Monsiegneur, embraced him with the loving words, trifled with his
+hand, and finished by smiling at him most affably. He, not imagining
+that so unprofitable a lover would suit her, for he was as poor as a
+church mouse, and did not know that his beauty was the equal in her
+eyes to all the treasures of the world, was not taken in her trap, but
+continued to ride the high horse with his hand on his hips. This
+disdain of her passion irritated Madame to the heart, which by this
+spark was set in flame. If you doubt this, it is because you know
+nothing of the profession of the Madame Imperia, who by reason of it
+might be compared to a chimney, in which a great number of fires have
+been lighted, which had filled it with soot; in this state a match was
+sufficient to burn everything there, where a hundred fagots has smoked
+comfortably. She burned within from top to toe in a horrible manner,
+and could not be extinguished save with the water of love. The cadet
+of l'Ile Adam left the room without noticing this ardour.
+
+Madame, disconsolate at his departure, lost her senses from her head
+to her feet, and so thoroughly that she sent a messenger to him on the
+galleries, begging him to pass the night with her. On no other
+occasion of her life had she had this cowardice, either for king,
+pope, or emperor, since the high price of her favours came from the
+bondage in which she held her admirers, whom the more she humbled the
+more she raised herself. The disdainful hero of this history was
+informed by the head chamber-women, who was a clever jade, that in all
+probability a great treat awaited him, for most certainly Madame would
+regale him with her most delicate inventions of love. L'Ile Adam
+returned to the salons, delighted at this lucky chance. Directly the
+envoy of France reappeared, as everyone had seen Imperia turn pale at
+his departure, the general joy knew no bounds, because everyone was
+delighted to see her return to her old life of love. An English
+cardinal, who had drained more than one big-bellied flagon, and wished
+to taste Imperia, went to l'Ile Adam and whispered to him, "Hold her
+fast, so that she shall never again escape us."
+
+The story of this remark was told to the pope at his levee, and caused
+him to remark, _Laetamini, gentes, quoniam surrexit Dominus_. A
+quotation which the old cardinals abominated as a profanation of
+sacred texts. Seeing which, the pope reprimanded them severely, and
+took occasion to lecture them, telling them that if they were good
+Christians they were bad politicians. Indeed, he relied upon the fair
+Imperia to reclaim the emperor, and with this idea he syringed her
+well with flattery.
+
+The lights of the palace being extinguished, the golden flagons on the
+floor, and the servants drunk and stretched about on the carpets,
+Madame entered her bedchamber, leading by the hand her dear
+lover-elect; and she was well pleased, and has since confessed that so
+strongly was she bitten with love, she could hardly restrain herself
+from rolling at his feet like a beast of the field, begging him to
+crush her beneath him if he could. L'Ile Adam slipped off his
+garments, and tumbled into bed as if he were in his own house. Seeing
+which, Madame hastened her preparations, and sprang into her lover's
+arms with a frenzy that astonished her women, who knew her to be
+ordinarily one of the most modest of women on these occasions. The
+astonishment became general throughout the country, for the pair
+remained in bed for nine days, eating, drinking, and embracing in a
+marvellous and most masterly manner. Madame told her women that at
+last she had placed her hand on a phoenix of love, since he revived
+from every attack. Nothing was talked of in Rome and Italy but the
+victory that had been gained over Imperia, who had boasted that she
+would yield to no man, and spat upon all of them, even the dukes. As
+to the aforesaid margraves and burgraves, she gave them the tail of
+her dress to hold, and said that if she did not tread them under foot,
+they would trample upon her. Madame confessed to her servants that,
+differently to all other men she had had to put up with, the more she
+fondled this child of love, the more she desired to do so, and that
+she would never be able to part with him; nor his splendid eyes, which
+blinded her; nor his branch of coral, that she always hungered after.
+She further declared that if such were his desire, she would let him
+suck her blood, eat her breasts--which were the most lovely in the
+world--and cut her tresses, of which she had only given a single one
+to the Emperor of the Romans, who kept it in his breast, like a
+precious relic; finally, she confessed that on that night only had
+life begun for her, because the embrace of Villiers de l'Ile Adam sent
+the blood to her in three bounds and in a brace of shakes.
+
+These expressions becoming known, made everyone very miserable.
+Directly she went out, Imperia told the ladies of Rome that she should
+die it if she were deserted by this gentleman, and would cause
+herself, like Queen Cleopatra, to be bitten by an asp. She declared
+openly that she had bidden an eternal adieu her to her former gay
+life, and would show the whole world what virtue was by abandoning her
+empire for this Villiers de l'Ile Adam, whose servant she would rather
+be than reign of Christendom. The English cardinal remonstrated with
+the pope that this love for one, in the heart of a woman who was the
+joy of all, was an infamous depravity, and that he ought with a brief
+_in partibus_, to annul this marriage, which robbed the fashionable
+world of its principal attraction. But the love of this poor woman,
+who had confessed the miseries of her life, was so sweet a thing, and
+so moved the most dissipated heart, that she silenced all clamour, and
+everyone forgave her her happiness. One day, during Lent, Imperia made
+her people fast, and ordered them to go and confess, and return to
+God. She herself went and fell at the pope's feet, and there showed
+such penitence, that she obtained from him remission of all her sins,
+believing that the absolution of the pope would communicate to her
+soul that virginity which she was grieved at being unable to offer her
+lover. It is impossible to help thinking that there was some virtue in
+the ecclesiastical piscina, for the poor cadet was so smothered with
+love that he fancied himself in Paradise, and left the negotiations of
+the King of France, left his love for Mademoiselle de Montmorency--in
+fact, left everything to marry Madame Imperia, in order that he might
+live and die with her. Such was the effect of the learned ways of this
+great lady of pleasure directly she turned her science to the root of
+a virtuous love. Imperia bade adieu to her admirers at a royal feast,
+given in honour of her wedding, which was a wonderful ceremony, at
+which all the Italian princes were present. She had, it is said, a
+million gold crowns; in spite of the vastness of this sum, every one
+far from blaming L'Ile Adam, paid him many compliments, because it was
+evident that neither Madame Imperia nor her young husband thought of
+anything but one. The pope blessed their marriage, and said that it
+was a fine thing to see the foolish virgin returning to God by the
+road of marriage.
+
+But during that last night in which it would be permissible for all to
+behold the Queen of Beauty, who was about to become a simple
+chatelaine of the kingdom of France, there were a great number of men
+who mourned for the merry nights, the suppers, the masked balls, the
+joyous games, and the melting hours, when each one emptied his heart
+to her. Everyone regretted the ease and freedom which had always been
+found in the residence of this lovely creature, who now appeared more
+tempting than she had ever done in her life, for the fervid heat of
+her great love made her glisten like a summer sun. Much did they
+lament the fact that she had had the sad fantasy to become a
+respectable woman. To these Madame de l'Ile Adam answered jestingly,
+that after twenty-four years passed in the service of the public, she
+had a right to retire. Others said to her, that however distant the
+sun was, people could warm themselves in it, while she would show
+herself no more. To these she replied that she would still have smiles
+to bestow upon those lords who would come and see how she played the
+role of a virtuous woman. To this the English envoy answered, he
+believed her capable of pushing virtue to its extreme point. She gave
+a present to each of her friends, and large sums to the poor and
+suffering of Rome; besides this, she left to the convent where her
+daughter was to have been, and to the church she had built, the wealth
+she had inherited from Theodora, which came from the cardinal of
+Ragusa.
+
+When the two spouses set out they were accompanied a long way by
+knights in mourning, and even by the common people, who wished them
+every happiness, because Madame Imperia had been hard on the rich
+only, and had always been kind and gentle with the poor. This lovely
+queen of love was hailed with acclamations throughout the journey in
+all the towns of Italy where the report of her conversion had spread,
+and where everyone was curious to see pass, a case so rare as two such
+spouses. Several princes received this handsome couple at their
+courts, saying it was but right to show honour to this woman who had
+the courage to renounce her empire over the world of fashion, to
+become a virtuous woman. But there was an evil-minded fellow, one my
+lord Duke of Ferrara, who said to l'Ile Adam that his great fortune
+had not cost him much. At this first offence Madame Imperia showed
+what a good heart she had, for she gave up all the money she had
+received from her lovers, to ornament the dome of St. Maria del Fiore,
+in the town of Florence, which turned the laugh against the Sire
+d'Este, who boasted that he had built a church in spite of the empty
+condition of his purse. You may be sure he was reprimanded for this
+joke by his brother the cardinal.
+
+The fair Imperia only kept her own wealth and that which the Emperor
+had bestowed upon her out of pure friendship since his departure, the
+amount of which was however, considerable. The cadet of l'Ile Adam had
+a duel with the duke, in which he wounded him. Thus neither Madame de
+l'Ile Adam, nor her husband could be in any way reproached. This piece
+of chivalry caused her to be gloriously received in all places she
+passed through, especially in Piedmont, where the fetes were splendid.
+Verses which the poet then composed, such as sonnets, epithalamias,
+and odes, have been given in certain collections; but all poetry was
+weak in comparison with her, who was, according to an expression of
+Monsieur Boccaccio, poetry herself.
+
+The prize in this tourney of fetes and gallantry must be awarded to
+the good Emperor of the Romans, who, knowing of the misbehaviour of
+the Duke of Ferrara, dispatched an envoy to his old flame, charged
+with Latin manuscripts, in which he told her that he loved her so much
+for herself, that he was delighted to know that she was happy, but
+grieved to know that all her happiness was not derived from him; that
+he had lost his right to make her presents, but that, if the king of
+France received her coldly, he would think it an honour to acquire a
+Villiers to the holy empire, and would give him such principalities as
+he might choose from his domains. The fair Imperia replied that she
+was extremely obliged to the Emperor, but that had she to suffer
+contumely upon contumely in France, she still intended there to finish
+her days.
+
+
+II
+HOW THIS MARRIAGE ENDED
+
+Not knowing if it she would be received or not, the lady of l'Ile Adam
+would not go to court, but lived in the country, where her husband
+made a fine establishment, purchasing the manor of
+Beaumont-le-Vicomte, which gave rise to the equivoque upon his name,
+made by our well-beloved Rabelais, in his most magnificent book. He
+acquired also the domain of Nointel, the forest of Carenelle, St.
+Martin, and other places in the neighbourhood of the l'Ile Adam, where
+his brother Villiers resided. These said acquisitions made him the most
+powerful lord in the l'Ile de France and county of Paris. He built a
+wonderful castle near Beaumont, which was afterwards ruined by the
+English, and adorned it with the furniture, foreign tapestries, chests,
+pictures, statues, and curiosities, of his wife, who was a great
+connoisseur, which made this place equal to the most magnificent
+castles known.
+
+The happy pair led a life so envied by all, that nothing was talked
+about in Paris and at Court but this marriage, the good fortune of the
+Sire de Beaumont, and, above all, of the perfect, loyal, gracious, and
+religious life of his wife, who from habit many still called Madame
+Imperia; who was no longer proud and sharp as steel, but had the
+virtues and qualities of a respectable woman, and was an example in
+many things to a queen. She was much beloved by the Church on account
+of her great religion, for she had never once forgotten God, having,
+as she once said, spent much of her time with churchmen, abbots,
+bishops, and cardinals, who had sprinkled her well with holy water,
+and under the curtains worked her eternal salvation.
+
+The praises sung in honour of this lady had such an effect, that the
+king came to Beauvoisis to gaze upon this wonder, and did the sire the
+honour to sleep at Beaumont, remained there three days, and had a
+royal hunt there with the queen and the whole Court. You may be sure
+that he was surprised, as were also the queen, the ladies, and the
+Court, at the manners of this superb creature, who was proclaimed a
+lady of courtesy and beauty. The king first, then the queen, and
+afterwards every individual member of the company, complemented l'Ile
+Adam on having chosen such a wife. The modesty of the chatelaine did
+more than pride would have accomplished; for she was invited to court,
+and everywhere, so imperious was her great heart, so tyrannic her
+violent love for her husband. You may be sure that her charms, hidden
+under the garments of virtue, were none the less exquisite. The king
+gave the vacant post of lieutenant of the Ile de France and provost of
+Paris to his ancient ambassador, giving him the title of Viscount of
+Beaumont, which established him as governor of the whole province, and
+put him on an excellent footing at court. But this was the cause of a
+great wound in Madame's heart, because a wretch, jealous of this
+unclouded happiness, asked her, playfully, if Beaumont had ever spoken
+to her of his first love, Mademoiselle de Montmorency, who at that
+time was twenty-two years of age, as she was sixteen at the time the
+marriage took place in Rome--the which young lady loved l'Ile Adam so
+much that she remained a maiden, would listen to no proposals of
+marriage, and was dying of a broken heart, unable to banish her
+perfidious lover from her remembrance and was desirous of entering the
+convent of Chelles. Madame Imperia, during the six years of her
+marriage, had never heard this name, and was sure from this fact that
+she was indeed beloved. You can imagine that this time had been passed
+as a single day, that both believed that they had only been married
+the evening before, and that each night was as a wedding night, and
+that if business took the knight out of doors, he was quite
+melancholy, being unwilling ever to have her out of his sight, and she
+was the same with him.
+
+The king, who was very partial to the viscount, also made a remark to
+him which stung him to the quick, when he said, "You have no
+children?"
+
+To which Beaumont replied, with the face of a man whose raw place you
+have touched with your finger, "Monsiegneur, my brother has; thus our
+line is safe."
+
+Now it happened that his brother's two children died suddenly--one
+from a fall from his horse at a tournament and the other from illness.
+Monsieur l'Ile Adam the elder was so stricken with grief at these two
+deaths that he expired soon after, so much did he love his two sons.
+By this means the manor of Beaumont, the property at Carenelle, St.
+Martin, Nointel, and the surrounding domains, were reunited to the
+manor of l'Ile Adam, and the neighbouring forests, and the cadet
+became the head of the house. At this time Madame was forty-five, and
+was still fit to bear children; but alas! she conceived not. As soon
+as she saw the lineage of l'Ile Adam destroyed, she was anxious to
+obtain offspring.
+
+Now, as during the seven years which had elapsed she had never once
+had the slightest hint of pregnancy, she believed, according to the
+statement of a clever physician whom she sent for from Paris, that
+this barrenness proceeded from the fact, that both she and her
+husband, always more lovers than spouses, allowed pleasure to
+interfere with business, and by this means engendering was prevented.
+Then she endeavoured to restrain her impetuosity, and to take things
+coolly, because the physician had explained to her that in a state of
+nature animals never failed to breed, because the females employed
+none of those artifices, tricks, and hanky-pankies with which women
+accommodate the olives of Poissy, and for this reason they thoroughly
+deserved the title of beasts. She promised him no longer to play with
+such a serious affair, and to forget all the ingenious devices in
+which she had been so fertile. But, alas! although she kept as quiet
+as that German woman who lay so still that her husband embraced her to
+death, and then went, poor baron, to obtain absolution from the pope,
+who delivered his celebrated brief, in which he requested the ladies
+of Franconia to be a little more lively, and prevent a repetition of
+such a crime. Madame de l'Ile Adam did not conceive, and fell into a
+state of great melancholy.
+
+Then she began to notice how thoughtful had become her husband, l'Ile
+Adam, whom she watched when he thought she was not looking, and who
+wept that he had no fruit of his great love. Soon this pair mingled
+their tears, for everything was common to the two in this fine
+household, and as they never left the other, the thought of the one
+was necessarily the thought of the other. When Madame beheld a poor
+person's child she nearly died of grief, and it took her a whole day
+to recover. Seeing this great sorrow, l'Ile Adam ordered all children
+to be kept out of his wife's sight, and said soothing things to her,
+such as that children often turned out badly; to which she replied,
+that a child made by those who loved so passionately would be the
+finest child in the world. He told her that her sons might perish,
+like those of his poor brother; to which she replied, that she would
+not let them stir further from her petticoats than a hen allows her
+chickens. In fact, she had an answer for everything.
+
+Madame caused a woman to be sent for who dealt in magic, and who was
+supposed to be learned in these mysteries, who told her that she had
+often seen women unable to conceive in spite of every effort, but yet
+they had succeeded by studying the manners and customs of animals.
+Madame took the beasts of the fields for her preceptors, but she did
+not increase in size; her flesh still remained firm and white as
+marble. She returned to the physical science of the master doctors of
+Paris, and sent for a celebrated Arabian physician, who had just
+arrived in France with a new science. Then this savant, brought up in
+the school of one Sieur Averroes, entered into certain medical
+details, and declared that the loose life she had formerly led had for
+ever ruined her chance of obtaining offspring. The physical reasons
+which he assigned were so contrary to the teaching of the holy books
+which establish the majesty of man, made in the image of his creator,
+and so contrary to the system upheld by sound sense and good doctrine,
+that the doctors of Paris laughed them to scorn. The Arabian physician
+left the school where his master, the Sieur Averroes, was unknown.
+
+The doctors told Madame, who had come to Paris, that she was to keep
+on as usual, since she had had during her gay life the lovely
+Theodora, by the cardinal of Ragusa, and that the right of having
+children remained with women as long as their blood circulated, and
+all that she had to do was to multiply the chances of conception. This
+advice appeared to her so good that she multiplied her victories, but
+it was only multiplying her defeats, since she obtained the flowers of
+love without its fruits.
+
+The poor afflicted woman wrote then to the pope, who loved her much,
+and told him of her sorrows. The good pope replied to her with a
+gracious homily, written with his own hand, in which he told her that
+when human science and things terrestrial had failed, we should turn
+to Heaven and implore the grace of God. Then she determined to go with
+naked feet, accompanied by her husband, to Notre Dame de Liesse,
+celebrated for her intervention in similar cases, and made a vow to
+build a magnificent cathedral in gratitude for the child. But she
+bruised and injured her pretty feet, and conceived nothing but a
+violent grief, which was so great that some of her lovely tresses fell
+off and some turned white.
+
+At last the faculty of making children was taken from her, which
+brought on the vapours consequent upon hypochondria, and caused her
+skin to turn yellow. She was then forty-nine years of age, and lived
+in her castle of l'Ile Adam, where she grew as thin as a leper in a
+lazar-house. The poor creature was all the more wretched because l'Ile
+Adam was still amorous, and as good as gold to her, who failed in her
+duty, because she had formerly been too free with the men, and was
+now, according to her own disdainful remark, only a cauldron to cook
+chitterlings.
+
+"Ha!" said she, one evening when these thoughts were tormenting her.
+"In spite of the Church, in spite of the king, in spite of everything,
+Madame de l'Ile Adam is still the wicked Imperia!"
+
+She fell into a violent passion when she saw this handsome gentleman
+have everything a man can desire, great wealth, royal favour,
+unequalled love, matchless wife, pleasure such as none other could
+produce, and yet fail in that which is dearest to the head of the
+house--namely, lineage. With this idea in her head, she wished to die,
+thinking how good and noble he had been to her, and how much she
+failed in her duty in not giving him children, and in being
+henceforward unable to do so. She hid her sorrow in the secret
+recesses of her heart, and conceived a devotion worthy her great love.
+To put into practice this heroic design she became still more amorous,
+took extreme care of her charms, and made use of learned precepts to
+maintain her bodily perfection, which threw out an incredible lustre.
+
+About this time the Sieur de Montmorency conquered the repulsion his
+daughter entertained for marriage, and her alliance with one Sieur de
+Chatillon was much talked about. Madame Imperia, who lived only three
+leagues distant from Montmorency, one day sent her husband out hunting
+in the forests, and set out towards the castle where the young lady
+lived. Arrived in the grounds she walked about there, telling a
+servant to inform her mistress that a lady had a most important
+communication to make to her, and that she had come to request an
+audience. Much interested by the account which she received by the
+beauty, courtesy, and manners of the unknown lady, Mademoiselle de
+Montmorency went in great haste into the gardens, and there met her
+rival, whom she did not know.
+
+"My dear," said the poor woman, weeping to find the young maiden as
+beautiful as herself, "I know that they are trying to force you into a
+marriage with Monsieur de Chatillon, although you still love Monsieur
+de l'Ile Adam. Have confidence in the prophecy that I here make you,
+that he whom you have loved, and who only was false to you through a
+snare into which an angel might have fallen, will be free from the
+burden of his old wife before the leaves fall. Thus the constancy of
+your love will have its crown of flowers. Now have the courage to
+refuse this marriage they are arranging for you, and you may yet clasp
+your first and only love. Pledge me your word to love and cherish
+l'Ile Adam, who is the kindest of men; never to cause him a moment's
+anguish, and tell him to reveal to you all the secrets of love
+invented by Madame Imperia, because, in practicing them, being young,
+you will be easily able to obliterate the remembrance of her from his
+mind."
+
+Mademoiselle de Montmorency was so astonished that she could make no
+answer, and let this queen of beauty depart, and believed her to be a
+fairy, until a workman told her that the fairy was Madame de l'Ile
+Adam. Although the adventure was inexplicable, she told her father
+that she would not give her consent to the proposed marriage until
+after the autumn, so much is it in the nature of Love to ally itself
+with Hope, in spite of the bitter pills which this deceitful and
+gracious, companion gives her to swallow like bull's eyes. During the
+months when the grapes are gathered, Imperia would not let l'Ile Adam
+leave her, and was so amorous that one would have imagined she wished
+to kill him, since l'Ile Adam felt as though he had a fresh bride in
+his arms every night. The next morning the good woman requested him to
+keep the remembrance of these joys in his heart.
+
+Then, to know what her lover's real thoughts on the subject were she
+said to him, "Poor l'Ile Adam, we were very silly to marry--a lad like
+you, with your twenty-three years, and an old woman close to 40."
+
+He answered her, that his happiness was such that he was the envy of
+every one, that at her age her equal did not exist among the younger
+women, and that if ever she grew old he would love her wrinkles,
+believing that even in the tomb she would be lovely, and her skeleton
+lovable.
+
+To these answers, which brought the tears into her eyes, she one
+morning answered maliciously, that Mademoiselle de Montmorency was
+very lovely and very faithful. This speech forced l'Ile Adam to tell
+her that she pained him by telling him of the only wrong he had ever
+committed in his life--the breaking of the troth pledged to his first
+sweetheart, all love for whom he had since effaced from his heart.
+This candid speech made her seize him and clasp him to her heart,
+affected at the loyalty of his discourse on a subject from which many
+would have shrunk.
+
+"My dear love," said she, "for a long time past I have been suffering
+from a retraction of the heart, which has always since my youth been
+dangerous to my life, and in this opinion the Arabian physician
+coincides. If I die, I wish you to make the most binding oath a knight
+can make, to wed Mademoiselle Montmorency. I am so certain of dying,
+that I leave my property to you only on condition that this marriage
+takes place."
+
+Hearing this, l'Ile Adam turned pale, and felt faint at the mere
+thought of an eternal separation from his good wife.
+
+"Yes, dear treasure of love," continued she. "I am punished by God
+there where my sins were committed, for the great joys that I feel
+dilate my heart, and have, according to the Arabian doctor, weakened
+the vessels which in a moment of excitement will burst; but I have
+always implored God to take my life at the age in which I now am,
+because I would not see my charms marred by the ravages of time."
+
+This great and noble woman saw then how well she was beloved. This is
+how she obtained the greatest sacrifice of love that ever was made
+upon this earth. She alone knew what a charm existed in the embraces,
+fondlings, and raptures of the conjugal bed, which were such that poor
+l'Ile Adam would rather have died than allow himself to be deprived of
+the amorous delicacies she knew so well how to prepare. At this
+confession made by her that, in the excitement of love her heart would
+burst, the chevalier cast himself at her knees, and declared that to
+preserve her life he would never ask her for love, but would live
+contented to see her only at his side, happy at being able to touch
+but the hem of her garment.
+
+She replied, bursting into tears, "that she would rather die than lose
+one iota of his love; that she would die as she had lived, since
+luckily she could make a man embrace her when such was her desire
+without having to put her request into words."
+
+Here it must be stated that the cardinal of Ragusa had given her as a
+present an article, which this holy joker called _in articulo mortis_.
+It was a tiny glass bottle, no bigger than a bean, made at Venice, and
+containing a poison so subtle that by breaking it between the teeth
+death came instantly and painlessly. He had received it from Signora
+Tophana, the celebrated maker of poisons of the town of Rome.
+
+Now this tiny bottle was under the bezel of a ring, preserved from all
+objects that could break it by certain plates of gold. Poor Imperia
+put it into her mouth several times without being able to make up her
+mind to bite it, so much pleasure did she take in the moment that she
+believed to be her last. Then she would pass before her in mental
+review all her methods of enjoyment before breaking the glass, and
+determined that when she felt the most perfect of all joys she would
+bite the bottle.
+
+The poor creature departed this life on the night on the first day of
+October. Then was there heard a great clamour in the forests and in
+the clouds, as if the loves had cried aloud, "The great Noc is dead!"
+in imitation of the pagan gods who, at the coming of the Saviour of
+men, fled into the skies, saying, "the great Pan is slain!" A cry
+which was heard by some persons navigating the Eubean Sea, and
+preserved by a Father of the Church.
+
+Madame Imperia died without being spoiled in shape, so much had God
+made her the irreproachable model of a woman. She had, it was said, a
+magnificent tint upon her flesh, caused by the proximity of the
+flaming wings of Pleasure, who cried and groaned over her corpse. Her
+husband mourned for her most bitterly, never suspecting that she had
+died to deliver him from a childless wife, for the doctor who embalmed
+her said not a word concerning the cause of her death. This great
+sacrifice was discovered six years after marriage of l'Ile Adam with
+Mademoiselle de Montmorency, because she told him all about the visit
+of Madame Imperia. The poor gentleman immediately fell into a state of
+great melancholy and finished by dying, being unable to banish the
+remembrance of those joys of love which it was beyond the power of a
+novice to restore to him; thereby did he prove the truth of that which
+was said at that time, that this woman would never die in a heart
+where she had once reigned.
+
+This teaches us that virtue is well understood by those who have
+practised vice; for among the most modest women few would thus have
+sacrificed life, in whatever high state of religion you look for them.
+
+
+
+                              EPILOGUE
+
+Oh! mad little one, thou whose business it is to make the house merry,
+again hast thou been wallowing, in spite of a thousand prohibitions,
+in that slough of melancholy, whence thou hast already fished out
+Bertha, and come back with thy tresses dishevelled, like a girl who
+has been ill-treated by a regiment of soldiers! Where are thy golden
+aiglets and bells, thy filigree flowers of fantastic design? Where
+hast thou left thy crimson head-dress, ornamented with precious
+gewgaws that cost a minot of pearls?
+
+Why spoil with pernicious tears thy black eyes, so pleasant when
+therein sparkles the wit of a tale, that popes pardon thee thy sayings
+for the sake of thy merry laughter, feel their souls caught between
+the ivory of thy teeth, have their hearts drawn by the rose point of
+thy sweet tongue, and would barter the holy slipper for a hundred of
+the smiles that hover round thy vermillion lips? Laughing lassie, if
+thou wouldst remain always fresh and young, weep no more; think of
+riding the brideless fleas, of bridling with the golden clouds thy
+chameleon chimeras, of metamorphosing the realities of life into
+figures clothed with the rainbow, caparisoned with roseate dreams, and
+mantled with wings blue as the eyes of the partridge. By the Body and
+the Blood, by the Censer and the Seal, by the Book and the Sword, by
+the Rag and the Gold, by the Sound and the Colour, if thou does but
+return once into that hovel of elegies where eunuchs find ugly women
+for imbecile sultans, I'll curse thee; I'll rave at thee; I'll make
+thee fast from roguery and love; I'll--
+
+Phist! Here she is astride a sunbeam with a volume that is ready to
+burst with merry meteors! She plays in their prisms, tearing about so
+madly, so wildly, so boldly, so contrary to good sense, so contrary to
+good manners, so contrary to everything, that one has to touch her
+with long feathers, to follow her siren's tail in the golden facets
+which trifle among the artifices of these new pearls of laughter. Ye
+gods! but she is sporting herself in them like a hundred schoolboys in
+a hedge full of blackberries, after vespers. To the devil with the
+magister! The volume is finished! Out upon work! What ho! my jovial
+friends; this way!
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's Droll Stories, Complete, by Honore de Balzac
+
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