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diff --git a/13260-h/13260-h.htm b/13260-h/13260-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ab77f1e --- /dev/null +++ b/13260-h/13260-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,19016 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" +"http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> +<head> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=UTF-8" /> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> +<title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of Droll Stories, Complete by Honoré de Balzac</title> +<link rel="coverpage" href="images/cover.jpg" /> +<style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve"> + + body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify} + P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } + hr { width: 50%; text-align: center;} + .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; } + blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;} + .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;} + .toc2 { margin-left: 20%;} + div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; } + div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; } + .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;} + .figright {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;} + .pagenum {display:inline; font-size: 70%; font-style:normal; + margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%; + text-align: right;} + pre { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;} + +</style> + </head> + <body> +<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 13260 ***</div> + <h1> + DROLL STORIES + </h1> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <h3> + COLLECTED FROM THE ABBEYS OF TOURAINE + </h3> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <h2> + BY HONORE DE BALZAC + </h2> +<h2>Illustrated by Gustave Dore</h2> + + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + + +<div class="fig" style="width:60%;"> + <img src="images/coverm.jpg" alt="cover " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + +<div class="fig" style="width:60%;"> + <img src="images/frontispieces.jpg" alt="frontispieces " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/frontispiece.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a + href="images/frontispiecem.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a> + </h4> + + +<div class="fig" style="width:60%;"> + <img src="images/titlepagem.jpg" alt="titlepagem " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + +<div class="fig" style="width:35%;"> + <img src="images/013s.jpg" alt="013s " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/013.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a + href="images/013m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a> + </h4> + + <h2> + CONTENTS + </h2> + + <table summary="" style="margin-right: auto; margin-left: auto"> + <tr> + <td> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0001"> TRANSLATORS PREFACE </a> + </p> + <br /><br /> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0002"> <b>VOLUME I</b></a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_PROL"> PROLOGUE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0006"> THE FAIR IMPERIA </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0007"> THE VENIAL SIN </a> + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + How The Good Man Bruyn Took A Wife + How The Seneschal Struggled With His Wife’s Modesty + That Which Is Only A Venial Sin + How And By Whom The Said Child Was Procured + How The Said Love-Sin Was Repented Of And Led To Great Mourning + +</pre> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0008"> THE KING’S SWEETHEART </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0009"> THE DEVIL’S HEIR </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0010"> THE MERRIE JESTS OF KING LOUIS THE + ELEVENTH </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0011"> THE HIGH CONSTABLE’S WIFE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0012"> THE MAID OF THILOUSE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0013"> THE BROTHERS-IN-ARMS </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0014"> THE VICAR OF AZAY-LE-RIDEAU </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0015"> THE REPROACH </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_EPIL"> EPILOGUE </a> + </p> + <br /><br /> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0017"> <b>VOLUME II</b> </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0021"> THE THREE CLERKS OF ST. NICHOLAS </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0022"> THE CONTINENCE OF KING FRANCIS THE FIRST + </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0023"> THE MERRY TATTLE OF THE NUNS OF POISSY + </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0024"> HOW THE CHATEAU D’AZAY CAME TO BE BUILT + </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0025"> THE FALSE COURTESAN </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0026"> THE DANGER OF BEING TOO INNOCENT </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0027"> THE DEAR NIGHT OF LOVE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0028"> THE SERMON OF THE MERRY VICAR OF MEUDON + </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0029"> THE SUCCUBUS </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0031"> DESPAIR IN LOVE </a> + </p> + <br /><br /> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0033"> <b>VOLUME III</b> </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0037"> PERSEVERANCE IN LOVE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0038"> CONCERNING A PROVOST WHO DID NOT RECOGNISE + THINGS </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0039"> ABOUT THE MONK AMADOR, WHO WAS A GLORIOUS + ABBOT OF TURPENAY </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0040"> BERTHA THE PENITENT </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0041"> HOW THE PRETTY MAID OF PORTILLON CONVINCED + HER JUDGE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0042"> IN WHICH IT IS DEMONSTRATED THAT FORTUNE + IS ALWAYS FEMININE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0043"> CONCERNING A POOR MAN WHO WAS CALLED LE + VIEUX PAR-CHEMINS </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0044"> ODD SAYINGS OF THREE PILGRIMS </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0045"> INNOCENCE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0046"> THE FAIR IMPERIA MARRIED </a> + </p> + </td> + </tr> + </table> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0001" id="link2H_4_0001"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + TRANSLATORS PREFACE + </h2> + <p> + When, in March, 1832, the first volume of the now famous <i>Contes + Drolatiques</i> was published by Gosselin of Paris, Balzac, in a short + preface, written in the publisher’s name, replied to those attacks which + he anticipated certain critics would make upon his hardy experiment. He + claimed for his book the protection of all those to whom literature was + dear, because it was a work of art—and a work of art, in the highest + sense of the word, it undoubtedly is. Like Boccaccio, Rabelais, the Queen + of Navarre, Ariosto, and Verville, the great author of <i>The Human Comedy</i> + has painted an epoch. In the fresh and wonderful language of the Merry + Vicar Of Meudon, he has given us a marvellous picture of French life and + manners in the sixteenth century. The gallant knights and merry dames of + that eventful period of French history stand out in bold relief upon his + canvas. The background in these life-like figures is, as it were, + “sketched upon the spot.” After reading the <i>Contes Drolatiques</i>, one + could almost find one’s way about the towns and villages of Touraine, + unassisted by map or guide. Not only is this book a work of art from its + historical information and topographical accuracy; its claims to that + distinction rest upon a broader foundation. Written in the nineteenth + century in imitation of the style of the sixteenth, it is a triumph of + literary archaeology. It is a model of that which it professes to imitate; + the production of a writer who, to accomplish it, must have been at once + historian, linguist, philosopher, archaeologist, and anatomist, and each + in no ordinary degree. In France, his work has long been regarded as a + classic—as a faithful picture of the last days of the moyen age, + when kings and princesses, brave gentlemen and haughty ladies laughed + openly at stories and jokes which are considered disgraceful by their more + fastidious descendants. In England the difficulties of the language + employed, and the quaintness and peculiarity of its style, have placed it + beyond the reach of all but those thoroughly acquainted with the French of + the sixteenth century. Taking into consideration the vast amount of + historical information enshrined in its pages, the archaeological value + which it must always possess for the student, and the dramatic interest of + its stories, the translator has thought that an English edition of + Balzac’s chef-d’oeuvre would be acceptable to many. It has, of course, + been impossible to reproduce in all its vigour and freshness the language + of the original. Many of the quips and cranks and puns have been lost in + the process of Anglicising. These unavoidable blemishes apart, the writer + ventures to hope that he has treated this great masterpiece in a reverent + spirit, touched it with no sacrilegious hand, but, on the contrary, given + as close a translation as the dissimilarities of the two languages permit. + With this idea, no attempt had been made to polish or round many of the + awkwardly constructed sentences which are characteristic of this volume. + Rough, and occasionally obscure, they are far more in keeping with the + spirit of the original than the polished periods of modern romance. Taking + into consideration the many difficulties which he has had to overcome, and + which those best acquainted with the French edition will best appreciate, + the translator claims the indulgence of the critical reader for any + shortcomings he may discover. The best plea that can be offered for such + indulgence is the fact that, although <i>Les Contes Drolatiques</i> was + completed and published in 1837, the present is the first English version + ever brought before the public. + </p> + <p> + London, January, 1874 + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + VOLUME I + </h2> + <h3> + THE FIRST TEN TALES + </h3> + <p> + <a name="link2H_PROL" id="link2H_PROL"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + +<div class="fig" style="width:35%;"> + <img src="images/019s.jpg" alt="019s " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/019.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a + href="images/019m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a> + </h4> + + <h2> + PROLOGUE + </h2> + <p> + This is a book of the highest flavour, full of right hearty merriment, + spiced to the palate of the illustrious and very precious tosspots and + drinkers, to whom our worthy compatriot, Francois Rabelais, the eternal + honour of Touraine, addressed himself. Be it nevertheless understood, the + author has no other desire than to be a good Touranian, and joyfully to + chronicle the merry doings of the famous people of this sweet and + productive land, more fertile in cuckolds, dandies and witty wags than any + other, and which has furnished a good share of men of renown in France, as + witness the departed Courier of piquant memory; Verville, author of <i>Moyen + de Parvenir</i>, and others equally well known, among whom we will + specially mention the Sieur Descartes, because he was a melancholy genius, + and devoted himself more to brown studies than to drinks and dainties, a + man of whom all the cooks and confectioners of Tours have a wise horror, + whom they despise, and will not hear spoken of, and say, “Where does he + live?” if his name is mentioned. Now this work is the production of the + joyous leisure of good old monks, of whom there are many vestiges + scattered about the country, at Grenadiere-les-St.-Cyr, in the village of + Sacche-les-Azay-le-Rideau, at Marmoustiers, Veretz, Roche-Cobon, and the + certain storehouses of good stories, which storehouses are the upper + stories of old canons and wise dames, who remember the good old days when + they could enjoy a hearty laugh without looking to see if their hilarity + disturbed the sit of your ruffle, as do the young women of the present + day, who wish to take their pleasure gravely—a custom which suits + our Gay France as much as a water jug would the head of a queen. Since + laughter is a privilege granted to man alone, and he has sufficient causes + for tears within his reach, without adding to them by books, I have + considered it a thing most patriotic to publish a drachm of merriment for + these times, when weariness falls like a fine rain, wetting us, soaking + into us, and dissolving those ancient customs which make the people to + reap public amusement from the Republic. But of those old pantagruelists + who allowed God and the king to conduct their own affairs without putting + of their finger in the pie oftener than they could help, being content to + look on and laugh, there are very few left. They are dying out day by day + in such manner that I fear greatly to see these illustrious fragments of + the ancient breviary spat upon, staled upon, set at naught, dishonoured, + and blamed, the which I should be loath to see, since I have and bear + great respect for the refuse of our Gallic antiquities. + </p> + <p> + Bear in mind also, ye wild critics, you scrapers-up of words, harpies who + mangle the intentions and inventions of everyone, that as children only do + we laugh, and as we travel onward laughter sinks down and dies out, like + the light of the oil-lit lamp. This signifies, that to laugh you must be + innocent, and pure of a heart, lacking which qualities you purse your + lips, drop your jaws, and knit your brow, after the manner of men hiding + vices and impurities. Take, then, this work as you would take a group of + statue, certain features of which an artist could omit, and he would be + the biggest of all big fools if he puts leaves upon them, seeing that + these said works are not, any more than is this book, intended for + nunneries. Nevertheless, I have taken care, much to my vexation, to weed + from the manuscripts the old words, which, in spite of their age, were + still strong, and which would have shocked the ears, astonished the eyes, + reddened the cheeks and sullied the lips of trousered maidens, and Madame + Virtue with three lovers; for certain things must be done to suit the + vices of the age, and a periphrase is much more agreeable than the word. + Indeed, we are old, and find long trifles, better than the short follies + of our youth, because at that time our taste was better. Then spare me + your slanders, and read this rather at night than in the daytime and give + it not to young maidens, if there be any, because this book is + inflammable. I will now rid you of myself. But I fear nothing from this + book, since it is extracted from a high and splendid source, from which + all that has issued has had a great success, as is amply proved by the + royal orders of the Golden Fleece, of the Holy Ghost, of the Garter, of + the Bath, and by many notable things which have been taken therefrom, + under shelter of which I place myself. + </p> + <p> + <i>Now make ye merry, my hearties, and gayly read with ease of body and + rest of reins, and may a cancer carry you if you disown me after having + read me.</i> + </p> + <p> + These words are those of our good Master Rabelais, before whom we must + also stand, hat in hand, in token of reverence and honour to him, prince + of all wisdom, and king of Comedy. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0006" id="link2H_4_0006"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + THE FAIR IMPERIA + </h2> + <p> + The Archbishop of Bordeaux had added to his suite when going to the + Council at Constance quite a good-looking little priest of Touraine whose + ways and manner of speech was so charming that he passed for a son of La + Soldee and the Governor. The Archbishop of Tours had willingly given him + to his confrere for his journey to that town, because it was usual for + archbishops to make each other presents, they well knowing how sharp are + the itchings of theological palms. Thus this young priest came to the + Council and was lodged in the establishment of his prelate, a man of good + morals and great science. + </p> + <p> + Philippe de Mala, as he was called, resolved to behave well and worthily + to serve his protector, but he saw in this mysterious Council many men + leading a dissolute life and yet not making less, nay —gaining more + indulgences, gold crowns and benefices than all the other virtuous and + well-behaved ones. Now during one night—dangerous to his virtue—the + devil whispered into his ear that he should live more luxuriously, since + every one sucked the breasts of our Holy Mother Church and yet they were + not drained, a miracle which proved beyond doubt the existence of God. And + the priest of Touraine did not disappoint the devil. He promised to feast + himself, to eat his bellyful of roast meats and other German delicacies, + when he could do so without paying for them as he was poor. As he remained + quite continent (in which he followed the example of the poor old + archbishop who sinned no longer because he was unable to, and passed for a + saint,) he had to suffer from intolerable desires followed by fits of + melancholy, since there were so many sweet courtesans, well developed, but + cold to the poor people, who inhabited Constance, to enlighten the + understanding of the Fathers of the Council. He was savage that he did not + know how to make up to these gallant sirens, who snubbed cardinals, + abbots, councillors, legates, bishops, princes and margraves just as if + they have been penniless clerks. And in the evening, after prayers, he + would practice speaking to them, teaching himself the breviary of love. He + taught himself to answer all possible questions, but on the morrow if by + chance he met one of the aforesaid princesses dressed out, seated in a + litter and escorted by her proud and well-armed pages, he remained + open-mouthed, like a dog in the act of catching flies, at the sight of + sweet countenance that so much inflamed him. The secretary of a + Monseigneur, a gentleman of Perigord, having clearly explained to him that + the Fathers, procureurs, and auditors of the Rota bought by certain + presents, not relics or indulgences, but jewels and gold, the favour of + being familiar with the best of these pampered cats who lived under the + protection of the lords of the Council; the poor Touranian, all simpleton + and innocent as he was, treasured up under his mattress the money given + him by the good archbishop for writings and copying—hoping one day + to have enough just to see a cardinal’s lady-love, and trusting to God for + the rest. He was hairless from top to toe and resembled a man about as + much as a goat with a night-dress on resembles a young lady, but prompted + by his desires he wandered in the evenings through the streets of + Constance, careless of his life, and, at the risk of having his body + halberded by the soldiers, he peeped at the cardinals entering the houses + of their sweethearts. Then he saw the wax-candles lighted in the houses + and suddenly the doors and the windows closed. Then he heard the blessed + abbots or others jumping about, drinking, enjoying themselves, + love-making, singing <i>Alleluia</i> and applauding the music with which + they were being regaled. The kitchen performed miracles, the Offices said + were fine rich pots-full, the Matins sweet little hams, the Vespers + luscious mouthful, and the Lauhes delicate sweetmeats, and after their + little carouses, these brave priests were silent, their pages diced upon + the stairs, their mules stamped restively in the streets; everything went + well—but faith and religion was there. That is how it came to pass + the good man Huss was burned. And the reason? He put his finger in the pie + without being asked. Then why was he a Huguenot before the others? + </p> + <p> + To return, however to our sweet little Philippe, not unfrequently did he + receive many a thump and hard blow, but the devil sustained him, inciting + him to believe that sooner or later it would come to his turn to play the + cardinal to some lovely dame. This ardent desire gave him the boldness of + a stag in autumn, so much so that one evening he quietly tripped up the + steps and into one of the first houses in Constance where often he had + seen officers, seneschals, valets, and pages waiting with torches for + their masters, dukes, kings, cardinals and archbishops. + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said he, “she must be very beautiful and amiable, this one.” + </p> + <p> + A soldier well armed allowed him to pass, believing him to belong to the + suite of the Elector of Bavaria, who had just left, and that he was going + to deliver a message on behalf of the above-mentioned nobleman. Philippe + de Mala mounted the stairs as lightly as a greyhound in love, and was + guided by delectable odour of perfume to certain chamber where, surrounded + by her handmaidens, the lady of the house was divesting herself of her + attire. He stood quite dumbfounded like a thief surprised by sergeants. + The lady was without petticoat or head-dress. The chambermaid and the + servants, busy taking off her stockings and undressing her, so quickly and + dextrously had her stripped, that the priest, overcome, gave vent to a + long Ah! which had the flavour of love about it. + </p> + <p> + “What want <i>you</i>, little one?” said the lady to him. + </p> + <p> + “To yield my soul to you,” said he, flashing his eyes upon her. + </p> + <p> + “You can come again to-morrow,” said she, in order to be rid of him. + </p> + <p> + To which Philippe replied, blushing, “I will not fail.” + </p> + <p> + Then she burst out laughing. Philippe, struck motionless, stood quite at + his ease, letting wander over her his eyes that glowed and sparkled with + the flame of love. What lovely thick hair hung upon her ivory white back, + showing sweet white places, fair and shining between the many tresses! She + had upon her snow-white brow a ruby circlet, less fertile in rays of fire + than her black eyes, still moist with tears from her hearty laugh. She + even threw her slipper at a statue gilded like a shrine, twisting herself + about from very ribaldry and allowed her bare foot, smaller than a swan’s + bill, to be seen. This evening she was in a good humour, otherwise she + would have had the little shaven-crop put out by the window without more + ado than her first bishop. + </p> + <p> + “He has fine eyes, Madame,” said one of her handmaids. + </p> + <p> + “Where does he comes from?” asked another. + </p> + <p> + “Poor child!” cried Madame, “his mother must be looking for him. Show him + his way home.” + </p> + <p> + The Touranian, still sensible, gave a movement of delight at the sight of + the brocaded bed where the sweet form was about to repose. This glance, + full of amorous intelligence, awoke the lady’s fantasy, who, half laughing + and half smitten, repeated “To-morrow,” and dismissed him with a gesture + which the Pope Jehan himself would have obeyed, especially as he was like + a snail without a shell, since the Council had just deprived him of the + holy keys. + </p> + <p> + “Ah! Madame, there is another vow of chastity changed into an amorous + desire,” said one of her women; and the chuckles commenced again thick as + hail. + </p> + <p> + Philippe went his way, bumping his head against a wall like a hooded rook + as he was. So giddy had he become at the sight of this creature, even more + enticing than a siren rising from the water. He noticed the animals carved + over the door and returned to the house of the archbishop with his head + full of diabolical longings and his entrails sophisticated. + </p> + <p> + Once in his little room he counted his coins all night long, but could + make no more than four of them; and as that was all his treasure, he + counted upon satisfying the fair one by giving her all he had in the + world. + </p> + <p> + “What is it ails you?” said the good archbishop, uneasy at the groans and + “oh! ohs!” of his clerk. + </p> + <p> + “Ah! my Lord,” answered the poor priest, “I am wondering how it is that so + light and sweet a woman can weigh so heavily upon my heart.” + </p> + <p> + “Which one?” said the archbishop, putting down his breviary which he was + reading for others—the good man. + </p> + <p> + “Oh! Mother of God! You will scold me, I know, my good master, my + protector, because I have seen the lady of a cardinal at the least, and I + am weeping because I lack more than one crown to enable me to convert + her.” + </p> + <p> + The archbishop, knitting the circumflex accent that he had above his nose, + said not a word. Then the very humble priest trembled in his skin to have + confessed so much to his superior. But the holy man directly said to him, + “She must be very dear then—” + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said he, “she has swallowed many a mitre and stolen many a cross.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, Philippe, if thou will renounce her, I will present thee with + thirty angels from the poor-box.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! my lord, I should be losing too much,” replied the lad, emboldened by + the treat he promised himself. + </p> + <p> + “Ah! Philippe,” said the good prelate, “thou wilt then go to the devil and + displease God, like all our cardinals,” and the master, with sorrow, began + to pray St. Gatien, the patron saint of Innocents, to save his servant. He + made him kneel down beside him, telling him to recommend himself also to + St. Philippe, but the wretched priest implored the saint beneath his + breath to prevent him from failing if on the morrow that the lady should + receive him kindly and mercifully; and the good archbishop, observing the + fervour of his servant, cried out him, “Courage little one, and Heaven + will exorcise thee.” + </p> + <p> + On the morrow, while Monsieur was declaiming at the Council against the + shameless behaviour of the apostles of Christianity, Philippe de Mala + spent his angels—acquired with so much labour—in perfumes, + baths, fomentations, and other fooleries. He played the fop so well, one + would have thought him the fancy cavalier of a gay lady. He wandered about + the town in order to find the residence of his heart’s queen; and when he + asked the passers-by to whom belonged the aforesaid house, they laughed in + his face, saying— + </p> + <p> + “Whence comes this precious fellow that has not heard of La Belle + Imperia?” + </p> + <p> + He was very much afraid he and his angels were gone to the devil when he + heard the name, and knew into what a nice mess he had voluntarily fallen. + </p> + +<div class="fig" style="width:35%;"> + <img src="images/031s.jpg" alt="031s " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/031.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a + href="images/031m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + Imperia was the most precious, the most fantastic girl in the world, + although she passed for the most dazzling and the beautiful, and the one + who best understood the art of bamboozling cardinals and softening the + hardiest soldiers and oppressors of the people. She had brave captains, + archers, and nobles, ready to serve her at every turn. She had only to + breathe a word, and the business of anyone who had offended her was + settled. A free fight only brought a smile to her lips, and often the Sire + de Baudricourt—one of the King’s Captains —would ask her if + there were any one he could kill for her that day —a little joke at + the expense of the abbots. With the exception of the potentates among the + high clergy with whom Madame Imperia managed to accommodate her little + tempers, she ruled everyone with a high hand in virtue of her pretty + babble and enchanting ways, which enthralled the most virtuous and the + most unimpressionable. Thus she lived beloved and respected, quite as much + as the real ladies and princesses, and was called Madame, concerning which + the good Emperor Sigismund replied to a lady who complained of it to him, + “That they, the good ladies, might keep to their own proper way and holy + virtues, and Madame Imperia to the sweet naughtiness of the goddess Venus”—Christian + words which shocked the good ladies, to their credit be it said. + </p> + <p> + Philippe, then thinking over it in his mind that which on the preceding + evening he had seen with his eyes, doubted if more did not remain behind. + Then was he sad, and without taking bite or sup, strolled about the town + waiting the appointed hour, although he was well-favoured and gallant + enough to find others less difficult to overcome than was Madame Imperia. + </p> + <p> + The night came; the little Touranian, exalted with pride caparisoned with + desire, and spurred by his “alacks” and “alases” which nearly choked him, + glided like an eel into the domicile of the veritable Queen of the Council—for + before her bowed humbly all the authority, science, and wisdom of + Christianity. The major domo did not know him, and was going to bundle him + out again, when one of the chamber-women called him from the top of the + stairs—“Eh, M. Imbert, it is Madame’s young fellow,” and poor + Philippe, blushing like a wedding night, ran up the stairs, shaking with + happiness and delight. The servant took him by the hand and led into the + chamber where sat Madame, lightly attired like a brave woman who awaits + her conqueror. + </p> + <p> + The dazzling Imperia was seated near a table covered with a shaggy cloth + ornamented with gold, and with all the requisites for a dainty carouse. + Flagons of wine, various drinking glasses, bottles of the hippocras, + flasks full of good wine of Cyprus, pretty boxes full of spices, roast + peacocks, green sauces, little salt hams—all that would gladden the + eyes of the gallant if he had not so madly loved Madame Imperia. + </p> + <p> + She saw well that the eyes of the young priest were all for her. Although + accustomed to the curl-paper devotion of the churchmen, she was well + satisfied that she had made a conquest of the young priest who all day + long had been in her head. + </p> + <p> + The windows had been closed; Madame was decked out in a manner fit to do + honours to a prince of the Empire. Then the rogue, beatified by the holy + beauty of Imperia, knew that Emperor, burgraf, nay, even a cardinal about + to be elected pope, would willingly for that night have changed places + with him, a little priest who, beneath his gown, had only the devil and + love. + </p> + <p> + He put on a lordly air, and saluted her with a courtesy by no means + ungraceful; and then the sweet lady said to him, regaling with a piercing + glance— + </p> + <p> + “Come and sit close to me, that I may see if you have altered since + yesterday.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh yes,” said he. + </p> + <p> + “And how?” said she. + </p> + <p> + “Yesterday,” replied the artful fellow, “I loved you; today, we love each + other, and from a poor sinner I have become richer than a king.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, little one, little one!” cried she, merrily; “yes, you are indeed + changed, for from a young priest I see well you have turned into an old + devil.” + </p> + <p> + And side by side they sat down before a large fire, which helped to spread + their ecstasy around. They remained always ready to begin eating, seeing + that they only thought of gazing into each other’s eyes, and never touched + a dish. Just as they were beginning to feel comfortable and at their ease, + there came a great noise at Madame’s door, as if people were beating + against it, and crying out. + </p> + <p> + “Madame,” cried the little servant hastily, “here’s another of them.” + </p> + <p> + “Who is it?” cried she in a haughty manner, like a tyrant, savage at being + interrupted. + </p> + <p> + “The Bishop of Coire wishes to speak with you.” + </p> + <p> + “May the devil take him!” said she, looking at Philippe gently. + </p> + <p> + “Madame he has seen the light through the chinks, and is making a great + noise.” + </p> + <p> + “Tell him I have the fever, and you will be telling him no lie, for I am + ill of this little priest who is torturing my brain.” + </p> + <p> + But just as she had finished speaking, and was pressing with devotion the + hand of Philippe who trembled in his skin, appeared the fat Bishop of + Coire, indignant and angry. The officers followed him, bearing a trout + canonically dressed, fresh from the Rhine, and shining in a golden + platter, and spices contained in little ornamental boxes, and a thousand + dainties, such as liqueurs and jams, made by the holy nuns at his Abbey. + </p> + <p> + “Ah, ah!” said he, with his deep voice, “I haven’t time to go to the + devil, but you must give me a touch of him in advance, eh! my little one.” + </p> + <p> + “Your belly will one day make a nice sheath for a sword,” replied she, + knitting her brows above her eyes, which from being soft and gentle had + become mischievous enough to make one tremble. + </p> + <p> + “And this little chorus singer is here to offer that?” said the bishop, + insolently turning his great rubicund face towards Philippe. + </p> + <p> + “Monseigneur, I’m here to confess Madame.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, oh, do you not know the canons? To confess the ladies at this time of + night is a right reserved to bishops, so take yourself off; go and herd + with simple monks, and never come back here again under pain of + excommunication.” + </p> + <p> + “Do not move,” cried the blushing Imperia, more lovely with passion than + she was with love, because now she was possessed both with passion and + love. “Stop, my friend. Here you are in your own house.” Then he knew that + he was really loved by her. + </p> + <p> + “It is it not in the breviary, and an evangelical regulation, that you + should be equal with God in the valley of Jehoshaphat?” asked she of the + bishop. + </p> + <p> + “‘Tis is an invention of the devil, who has adulterated the holy book,” + replied the great numskull of a bishop in a hurry to fall to. + </p> + <p> + “Well then, be equal now before me, who am here below your goddess,” + replied Imperia, “otherwise one of these days I will have you delicately + strangled between the head and shoulders; I swear it by the power of my + tonsure which is as good as the pope’s.” And wishing that the trout should + be added to the feast as well as the sweets and other dainties, she added, + cunningly, “Sit you down and drink with us.” But the artful minx, being up + to a trick or two, gave the little one a wink which told him plainly not + to mind the German, whom she would soon find a means to be rid of. + </p> + <p> + The servant-maid seated the Bishop at the table, and tucked him up, while + Philippe, wild with rage that closed his mouth, because he saw his plans + ending in smoke, gave the archbishop to more devils than ever were monks + alive. Thus they got halfway through the repast, which the young priest + had not yet touched, hungering only for Imperia, near whom he was already + seated, but speaking that sweet language which the ladies so well + understand, that has neither stops, commas, accents, letters, figures, + characters, notes, nor images. The fat bishop, sensual and careful enough + of the sleek, ecclesiastical garment of skin for which he was indebted to + his late mother, allowed himself to be plentifully served with hippocras + by the delicate hand of Madame, and it was just at his first hiccough that + the sound of an approaching cavalcade was heard in the street. The number + of horses, the “Ho, ho!” of the pages, showed plainly that some great + prince hot with love, was about to arrive. In fact, a moment afterwards + the Cardinal of Ragusa, against whom the servants of Imperia had not dared + to bar the door, entered the room. At this terrible sight the poor + courtesan and her young lover became ashamed and embarrassed, like fresh + cured lepers; for it would be tempting the devil to try and oust the + cardinal, the more so as at that time it was not known who would be pope, + three aspirants having resigned their hoods for the benefit of + Christianity. The cardinal, who was a cunning Italian, long bearded, a + great sophist, and the life and soul of the Council, guessed, by the + feeblest exercise of the faculties of his understanding, the alpha and + omega of the adventure. He only had to weigh in his mind one little + thought before he knew how to proceed in order to be able to hypothecate + his manly vigour. He arrived with the appetite of a hungry monk, and to + obtain its satisfaction he was just the man to stab two monks and sell his + bit of the true cross, which were wrong. + </p> + <p> + “Hulloa! friend,” said he to Philippe, calling him towards him. The poor + Tourainian, more dead than alive, and expecting the devil was about to + interfere seriously with his arrangements, rose and said, “What is it?” to + the redoubtable cardinal. + </p> + <p> + He taking him by the arm led him to the staircase, looked him in the white + of the eye and said without any nonsense—“Ventredieu! You are a nice + little fellow, and I should not like to have to let your master know the + weight of your carcass. My revenge might cause me certain pious expenses + in my old age, so choose to espouse an abbey for the remainder of your + days, or to marry Madame to-night and die tomorrow.” + </p> + <p> + The poor little Tourainian in despair murmured, “May I come back when your + passion is over?” + </p> + <p> + The cardinal could scarcely keep his countenance, but he said sternly, + “Choose the gallows or a mitre.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said the priest, maliciously; “a good fat abbey.” + </p> + <p> + Thereupon the cardinal went back into the room, opened an escritoire, and + scribbled upon a piece of parchment an order to the envoy of France. + </p> + <p> + “Monseigneur,” said the Tourainian to him while he was spelling out the + order, “you will not get rid of the Bishop of Coire so easily as you have + got rid of me, for he has as many abbeys as the soldiers have drinking + shops in the town; besides, he is in the favour of his lord. Now I fancy + to show you my gratitude for this so fine Abbey I owe you good piece of + advice. You know how fatal has been and how rapidly spread this terrible + pestilence which has cruelly harassed Paris. Tell him that you have just + left the bedside of your old friend the Archbishop of Bordeaux; thus you + will make him scutter away like straw before a whirl-wind. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, oh!” cried the cardinal, “thou meritest more than an abbey. Ah, + Ventredieu! my young friend, here are 100 golden crowns for thy journey to + the Abbey of Turpenay, which I won yesterday at cards, and of which I make + you a free gift.” + </p> + <p> + Hearing these words, and seeing Philippe de Mala disappear without giving + her the amorous glances she expected, the beautiful Imperia, puffing like + a dolphin, denounced all the cowardice of the priest. She was not then a + sufficiently good Catholic to pardon her lover deceiving her, by not + knowing how to die for her pleasure. Thus the death of Philippe was + foreshadowed in the viper’s glance she cast at him to insult him, which + glance pleased the cardinal much, for the wily Italian saw he would soon + get his abbey back again. The Touranian, heeding not the brewing storm + avoided it by walking out silently with his ears down, like a wet dog + being kicked out of a Church. Madame drew a sigh from her heart. She must + have had her own ideas of humanity for the little value she held in it. + The fire which possessed her had mounted to her head, and scintillated in + rays about her, and there was good reason for it, for this was the first + time that she had been humbugged by priest. Then the cardinal smiled, + believing it was all to his advantage: was not he a cunning fellow? Yes, + he was the possessor of a red hat. + </p> + <p> + “Ah, ah! my friend,” said he to the Bishop, “I congratulate myself on + being in your company, and I am glad to have been able to get rid of that + little wretch unworthy of Madame, the more so as if you had gone near him, + my lovely and amiable creature, you would have perished miserably through + the deed of a simple priest.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! How?” + </p> + <p> + “He is the secretary of the Archbishop of Bordeaux. The good man was + seized this morning with the pestilence.” + </p> + <p> + The bishop opened his mouth wide enough to swallow a Dutch cheese. + </p> + <p> + “How do you know that?” asked he. + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said the cardinal, taking the good German’s hand, “I have just + administered to him, and consoled him; at this moment the holy man has a + fair wind to waft him to paradise.” + </p> + <p> + The Bishop of Coire demonstrated immediately how light fat man are; for + when men are big-bellied, a merciful providence, in the consideration of + their works, often makes their internal tubes as elastic as balloons. The + aforesaid bishop sprang backwards with one bound, burst into a + perspiration and coughed like a cow who finds feathers mixed with her hay. + Then becoming suddenly pale, he rushed down the stairs without even + bidding Madame adieu. When the door had closed upon the bishop, and he was + fairly in the street, the Cardinal of Ragusa began laughing fit to split + his sides. + </p> + <p> + “Ah! my fair one, am I not worthy to be Pope, and better than that, thy + lover this evening?” + </p> + <p> + But seeing Imperia thoughtful he approached her to take her in his arms, + and pet her after the usual fashion of cardinals, men who embrace better + than all others, even the soldiers, because they are lazy, and do not + spare their essential properties. + </p> + <p> + “Ha!” said she, drawing back, “you wish to cause my death, you + ecclesiastical idiot. The principal thing for you is to enjoy yourself; my + sweet carcass, a thing accessory. Your pleasure will be my death, and then + you’ll canonise me perhaps? Ah, you have the plague, and you would give it + to me. Go somewhere else, you brainless priest. Ah! touch me not,” said + she, seeing him about to advance, “or I will stab you with this dagger.” + </p> + <p> + And the clever hussy drew from her armoire a little dagger, which she knew + how to use with great skill when necessary. + </p> + <p> + “But my little paradise, my sweet one,” said the other, laughing, “don’t + you see the trick? Wasn’t it necessary to be get rid of that old bullock + of Coire?” + </p> + <p> + “Well then, if you love me, show it” replied she. “I desire that you leave + me instantly. If you are touched with the disease my death will not worry + you. I know you well enough to know at what price you will put a moment of + pleasure at your last hour. You would drown the earth. Ah, ah! you have + boasted of it when drunk. I love only myself, my treasures, and my health. + Go, and if tomorrow your veins are not frozen by the disease, you can come + again. Today, I hate you, good cardinal,” said she, smiling. + </p> + <p> + “Imperia!” cried the cardinal on his knees, “my blessed Imperia, do not + play with me thus.” + </p> + <p> + “No,” said she, “I never play with blessed and sacred things.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! ribald woman, I will excommunicate thee tomorrow.” + </p> + <p> + “And now you are out of your cardinal sense.” + </p> + <p> + “Imperia, cursed daughter of Satan! Oh, my little beauty—my love—!” + </p> + <p> + “Respect yourself more. Don’t kneel to me, fie for shame!” + </p> + <p> + “Wilt thou have a dispensation in articulo mortis? Wilt thou have my + fortune—or better still, a bit of the veritable true Cross?—Wilt + thou?” + </p> + <p> + “This evening, all the wealth of heaven above and earth beneath would not + buy my heart,” said she, laughing. “I should be the blackest of sinners, + unworthy to receive the Blessed Sacrament if I had not my little + caprices.” + </p> + <p> + “I’ll burn the house down. Sorceress, you have bewitched me. You shall + perish at the stake. Listen to me, my love,—my gentle Dove—I + promise you the best place in heaven. Eh? No. Death to you then—death + to the sorceress.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, oh! I will kill you, Monseigneur.” + </p> + <p> + And the cardinal foamed with rage. + </p> + <p> + “You are making a fool of yourself,” said she. “Go away, you’ll tire + yourself.” + </p> + <p> + “I shall be pope, and you shall pay for this!” + </p> + <p> + “Then you are no longer disposed to obey me?” + </p> + <p> + “What can I do this evening to please you?” + </p> + <p> + “Get out.” + </p> + <p> + And she sprang lightly like a wagtail into her room, and locked herself + in, leaving the cardinal to storm that he was obliged to go. When the fair + Imperia found herself alone, seated before the fire, and without her + little priest, she exclaimed, snapping angrily the gold links of her + chain, “By the double triple horn on the devil, if the little one has made + me have this row with the Cardinal, and exposed me to the danger of being + poisoned tomorrow, unless I pay him over to my heart’s content, I will not + die till I have seen him burned alive before my eyes. Ah!” said she, + weeping, this time real tears, “I lead a most unhappy life, and the little + pleasure I have costs me the life of a dog, let alone my salvation.” + </p> + <p> + As she finished this jeremiad, wailing like a calf that is being + slaughtered, she beheld the blushing face of the young priest, who had + hidden himself, peeping at her from behind her large Venetian mirror. + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said she, “Thou art the most perfect monk that ever dwelt in this + blessed and amorous town of Constance. Ah, ah! Come my gentle cavalier, my + dear boy, my little charm, my paradise of delectation, let me drink thine + eyes, eat thee, kill thee with my love. Oh! my ever-flourishing, + ever-green, sempiternal god; from a little monk I would make a king, + emperor, pope, and happier than either. There, thou canst put anything to + fire and sword, I am thine, and thou shalt see it well; for thou shalt be + all a cardinal, even when to redden thy hood I shed all my heart’s blood.” + And with her trembling hands all joyously she filled with Greek wine the + golden cup, brought by the Bishop of Coire, and presented it to her + sweetheart, whom she served upon her knee, she whose slipper princes found + more to their taste than that of the pope. + </p> + <p> + But he gazed at her in silence, with his eye so lustrous with love, that + she said to him, trembling with joy “Ah! be quiet, little one. Let us have + supper.” + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0007" id="link2H_4_0007"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + THE VENIAL SIN + </h2> + <h3> + HOW THE GOOD MAN BRUYN TOOK A WIFE. + </h3> + <p> + Messire Bruyn, he who completed the Castle of Roche-Corbon-les-Vouvray, on + the banks of the Loire, was a boisterous fellow in his youth. When quite + little, he squeezed young ladies, turned the house out of windows, and + played the devil with everything, when he was called upon to put his Sire + the Baron of Roche-Corbon some few feet under the turf. Then he was his + own master, free to lead a life of wild dissipation, and indeed he worked + very hard to get a surfeit of enjoyment. Now by making his crowns sweat + and his goods scarce, draining his land, and a bleeding his hogsheads, and + regaling frail beauties, he found himself excommunicated from decent + society, and had for his friends only the plunderers of towns and the + Lombardians. But the usurers turned rough and bitter as chestnut husks, + when he had no other security to give them than his said estate of + Roche-Corbon, since the Rupes Carbonis was held from our Lord the king. + Then Bruyn found himself just in the humour to give a blow here and there, + to break a collar-bone or two, and quarrel with everyone about trifles. + Seeing which, the Abbot of Marmoustiers, his neighbour, and a man liberal + with his advice, told him that it was an evident sign of lordly + perfection, that he was walking in the right road, but if he would go and + slaughter, to the great glory of God, the Mahommedans who defiled the Holy + Land, it would be better still, and that he would undoubtedly return full + of wealth and indulgences into Touraine, or into Paradise, whence all + barons formerly came. + </p> + <p> + The said Bruyn, admiring the great sense of the prelate, left the country + equipped by the monastery, and blessed by the abbot, to the great delight + of his friends and neighbours. Then he put to the sack enough many towns + of Asia and Africa, and fell upon the infidels without giving them + warning, burning the Saracens, the Greeks, the English, and others, caring + little whether they were friends or enemies, or where they came from, + since among his merits he had that of being in no way curious, and he + never questioned them until after he had killed them. At this business, + agreeable to God, to the King and to himself, Bruyn gained renown as a + good Christian and loyal knight, and enjoyed himself thoroughly in these + lands beyond the seas, since he more willingly gave a crown to the girls + than to the poor, although he met many more poor people than perfect + maids; but like a good Touranian he made soup of anything. At length, when + he was satiated with the Turks, relics, and other blessings of the Holy + Land, Bruyn, to the great astonishment of the people of Vouvrillons, + returned from the Crusades laden with crowns and precious stones; rather + differently from some who, rich when they set out, came back heavy with + leprosy, but light with gold. On his return from Tunis, our Lord, King + Philippe, made him a Count, and appointed him his seneschal in our country + and that of Poitou. There he was greatly beloved and properly thought well + of, since over and above his good qualities he founded the Church of the + Carmes-Deschaulx, in the parish of Egrignolles, as the peace-offering to + Heaven for the follies of his youth. Thus was he cardinally consigned to + the good graces of the Church and of God. From a wicked youth and reckless + man, he became a good, wise man, and discreet in his dissipations and + pleasures; rarely was in anger, unless someone blasphemed God before him, + the which he would not tolerate because he had blasphemed enough for every + one in his wild youth. In short, he never quarrelled, because, being + seneschal, people gave up to him instantly. It is true that he at that + time beheld all his desires accomplished, the which would render even an + imp of Satan calm and tranquil from his horns to his heels. And besides + this he possessed a castle all jagged at the corners, and shaped and + pointed like a Spanish doublet, situated upon a bank from which it was + reflected in the Loire. In the rooms were royal tapestries, furniture, + Saracen pomps, vanities, and inventions which were much admired by people + of Tours, and even by the archbishop and clerks of St. Martin, to whom he + sent as a free gift a banner fringed with fine gold. In the neighbourhood + of the said castle abounded fair domains, wind-mills, and forests, + yielding a harvest of rents of all kinds, so that he was one of the + strongest knights-banneret of the province, and could easily have led to + battle for our lord the king a thousand men. In his old days, if by chance + his bailiff, a diligent man at hanging, brought before him a poor peasant + suspected of some offence, he would say, smiling— + </p> + <p> + “Let this one go, Brediff, he will count against those I inconsiderately + slaughtered across the seas”; oftentimes, however, he would let them + bravely hang on a chestnut tree or swing on his gallows, but this was + solely that justice might be done, and that the custom should not lapse in + his domain. Thus the people on his lands were good and orderly, like fresh + veiled nuns, and peaceful since he protected them from the robbers and + vagabonds whom he never spared, knowing by experience how much mischief is + caused by these cursed beasts of prey. For the rest, most devout, + finishing everything quickly, his prayers as well as good wine, he managed + the processes after the Turkish fashion, having a thousand little jokes + ready for the losers, and dining with them to console them. He had all the + people who had been hanged buried in consecrated ground like godly ones, + some people thinking they had been sufficiently punished by having their + breath stopped. He only persecuted the Jews now and then, and when they + were glutted with usury and wealth. He let them gather their spoil as the + bees do honey, saying that they were the best of tax-gatherers. And never + did he despoil them save for the profit and use of the churchmen, the + king, the province, or himself. + </p> + <p> + This jovial way gained for him the affection and esteem of every one, + great and small. If he came back smiling from his judicial throne, the + Abbot of Marmoustiers, an old man like himself, would say, “Ho, ha! + messire, there is some hanging on since you laugh thus!” And when coming + from Roche-Corbon to Tours he passed on horseback along the Fauborg St. + Symphorien, the little girls would say, “Ah! this is the justice day, + there is the good man Bruyn,” and without being afraid they would look at + him astride on a big white hack, that he had brought back with him from + the Levant. On the bridge the little boys would stop playing with the + ball, and would call out, “Good day, Mr. Seneschal” and he would reply, + jokingly, “Enjoy yourselves, my children, until you get whipped.” “Yes, + Mr. Seneschal.” + </p> + <p> + Also he made the country so contented and so free from robbers that during + the year of the great over-flowing of the Loire there were only twenty-two + malefactors hanged that winter, not counting a Jew burned in the Commune + of Chateau-Neuf for having stolen a consecrated wafer, or bought it, some + said, for he was very rich. + </p> + <p> + One day, in the following year about harvest time, or mowing time, as we + say in Touraine, there came Egyptians, Bohemians, and other wandering + troupes who stole the holy things from the Church of St. Martin, and in + the place and exact situation of Madam the Virgin, left by way of insult + and mockery to our Holy Faith, an abandoned pretty little girl, about the + age of an old dog, stark naked, an acrobat, and of Moorish descent like + themselves. For this almost nameless crime it was equally decided by the + king, people, and the churchmen that the Mooress, to pay for all, should + be burned and cooked alive in the square near the fountain where the herb + market is. Then the good man Bruyn clearly and dextrously demonstrated to + the others that it would be a thing most profitable and pleasant to God to + gain over this African soul to the true religion, and if the devil were + lodged in this feminine body the faggots would be useless to burn him, as + said the said order. To which the archbishop sagely thought most canonical + and conformable to Christian charity and the gospel. The ladies of the + town and other persons of authority said loudly that they were cheated of + a fine ceremony, since the Mooress was crying her eyes out in the jail and + would certainly be converted to God in order to live as long as a crow, if + she were allowed to do so, to which the seneschal replied that if the + foreigner would wholly commit herself to the Christian religion there + would be a gallant ceremony of another kind, and that he would undertake + that it should be royally magnificent, because he would be her sponsor at + the baptismal font, and that a virgin should be his partner in the affair + in order the better to please the Almighty, while himself was reputed + never to have lost the bloom or innocence, in fact to be a coquebin. In + our country of Touraine thus are called the young virgin men, unmarried or + so esteemed to distinguish them from the husbands and the widowers, but + the girls always pick them without the name, because they are more + light-hearted and merry than those seasoned in marriage. + </p> + <p> + The young Mooress did not hesitate between the flaming faggots and the + baptismal water. She much preferred to be a Christian and live than be + Egyptian and be burned; thus to escape a moment’s baking, her heart would + burn unquenched through all her life, since for the greater surety of her + religion she was placed in the convent of nuns near Chardonneret, where + she took the vow of sanctity. The said ceremony was concluded at the + residence of the archbishop, where on this occasion, in honour of the + Saviour or men, the lords and ladies of Touraine hopped, skipped and + danced, for in this country the people dance, skip, eat, flirt, have more + feasts and make merrier than any in the whole world. The good old + seneschal had taken for his associate the daughter of the lord of + Azay-le-Ridel, which afterwards became Azay-le-Brusle, the which lord + being a Crusader was left before Acre, a far distant town, in the hands of + a Saracen who demanded a royal ransom for him because the said lord was of + high position. + </p> + <p> + The lady of Azay having given his estate as security to the Lombards and + extortioners in order to raise the sum, remained, without a penny in the + world, awaiting her lord in a poor lodging in the town, without a carpet + to sit upon, but proud as the Queen of Sheba and brave as a mastiff who + defends the property of his master. Seeing this great distress the + seneschal went delicately to request this lady’s daughter to be the + godmother of the said Egyptian, in order that he might have the right of + assisting the Lady of Azay. And, in fact, he kept a heavy chain of gold + which he had preserved since the commencement of the taking of Cyprus, and + the which he determined to clasp about the neck of his pretty associate, + but he hung there at the same time his domain, and his white hairs, his + money and his horses; in short, he placed there everything he possessed, + directly he had seen Blanche of Azay dancing a pavan among the ladies of + Tours. Although the Moorish girl, making the most of her last day, had + astonished the assembly by her twists, jumps, steps, springs, and + elevations and artistic efforts, Blanche had the advantage of her, as + everyone agreed, so virginally and delicately did she dance. + </p> + <p> + Now Bruyn, admiring this gentle maiden whose toes seemed to fear the + boards, and who amused herself so innocently for her seventeen years + —like a grasshopper trying her first note—was seized with an + old man’s desire; a desire apoplectic and vigorous from weakness, which + heated him from the sole of foot to the nape of his neck—for his + head had too much snow on the top of it to let love lodge there. Then the + good man perceived that he needed a wife in his manor, and it appeared + more lonely to him than it was. And what then was a castle without a + chatelaine? As well have a clapper without its bell. In short, a wife was + the only thing that he had to desire, so he wished to have one promptly, + seeing that if the Lady of Azay made him wait, he had just time to pass + out of this world into the other. But during the baptismal entertainment, + he thought little of his severe wounds, and still less of the eighty years + that had stripped his head; he found his eyes clear enough to see + distinctly his young companion, who, following the injunctions of the Lady + of Azay, regaled him well with glance and gesture, believing there could + be no danger near so old a fellow, in such wise that Blanche—naive + and nice as she was in contradistinction to the girls of Touraine, who are + as wide-awake as a spring morning—permitted the good man first to + kiss her hand, and afterwards her neck, rather low-down; at least so said + the archbishop who married them the week after; and that was a beautiful + bridal, and a still more beautiful bride. + </p> + <p> + The said Blanche was slender and graceful as no other girl, and still + better than that, more maidenly than ever maiden was; a maiden all + ignorant of love, who knew not why or what it was; a maiden who wondered + why certain people lingered in their beds; a maiden who believed that + children were found in parsley beds. Her mother had thus reared her in + innocence, without even allowing her to consider, trifle as it was, how + she sucked in her soup between her teeth. Thus she was a sweet flower, and + intact, joyous and innocent; an angel, who needed but the wings to fly + away to Paradise. When she left the poor lodging of her weeping mother to + consummate her betrothal at the cathedral of St. Gatien and St. Maurice, + the country people came to a feast their eyes upon the bride, and on the + carpets which were laid down all along the Rue de la Scellerie, and all + said that never had tinier feet pressed the ground of Touraine, prettier + eyes gazed up to heaven, or a more splendid festival adorned the streets + with carpets and with flowers. The young girls of St. Martin and of the + boroughs of Chateau-Neuf, all envied the long brown tresses with which + doubtless Blanche had fished for a count, but much more did they desire + the gold embroidered dress, the foreign stones, the white diamonds, and + the chains with which the little darling played, and which bound her for + ever to the said seneschal. The old soldier was so merry by her side, that + his happiness showed itself in his wrinkles, his looks, and his movements. + Although he was hardly as straight as a billhook, he held himself so by + the side of Blanche, that one would have taken him for a soldier on parade + receiving his officer, and he placed his hand on his diaphragm like a man + whose pleasure stifles and troubles him. Delighted with the sound of the + swinging bells, the procession, the pomps, and the vanities of the said + marriage, which was talked of long after the episcopal rejoicings, the + women desired a harvest of Moorish girls, a deluge of old seneschals, and + baskets full of Egyptian baptisms. But this was the only one that ever + happened in Touraine, seeing that the country is far from Egypt and from + Bohemia. The Lady of Azay received a large sum of money after the + ceremony, which enabled her to start immediately for Acre to go to her + spouse, accompanied by the lieutenant and soldiers of the Count of + Roche-Corbon, who furnished them with everything necessary. She set out on + the day of the wedding, after having placed her daughter in the hands of + the seneschal, enjoining him to treat her well; and later on she returned + with the Sire d’Azay, who was leprous, and she cured him, tending him + herself, running the risk of being contaminated, the which was greatly + admired. + </p> + <p> + The marriage ceremony finished and at an end—for it lasted three + days, to the great contentment of the people—Messire Bruyn with + great pomp led the little one to his castle, and, according to the custom + of husbands, had her put solemnly to bed in his couch, which was blessed + by the Abbot of Marmoustiers; then came and placed himself beside her in + the great feudal chamber of Roche-Corbon, which had been hung with green + blockade and ribbon of golden wire. When old Bruyn, perfumed all over, + found himself side by side with his pretty wife, he kissed her first upon + the forehead, and then upon the little round, white breast, on the same + spot where she had allowed him to clasp the fastenings of the chain, but + that was all. The old fellow had too great confidence in himself in + fancying himself able to accomplish more; so then he abstained from love + in spite of the merry nuptial songs, the epithalamiums and jokes which + were going on in the rooms beneath where the dancing was still kept up. He + refreshed himself with a drink of the marriage beverage, which according + to custom, had been blessed and placed near them in a golden cup. The + spices warned his stomach well enough, but not the heart of his dead + ardour. Blanche was not at all astonished at the demeanour of her spouse, + because she was a virgin in mind, and in marriage she saw only that which + is visible to the eyes of young girls—namely dresses, banquets, + horses, to be a lady and mistress, to have a country seat, to amuse + oneself and give orders; so, like the child that she was, she played with + the gold tassels on the bed, and marvelled at the richness of the shrine + in which her innocence should be interred. Feeling, a little later in the + day, his culpability, and relying on the future, which, however, would + spoil a little every day that with which he pretended to regale his wife, + the seneschal tried to substitute the word for the deed. So he entertained + his wife in various ways, promised her the keys of his sideboards, his + granaries and chests, the perfect government of his houses and domains + without any control, hanging round her neck “the other half of the loaf,” + which is the popular saying in Touraine. She became like a young charger + full of hay, found her good man the most gallant fellow in the world, and + raising herself upon her pillow began to smile, and beheld with greater + joy this beautiful green brocaded bed, where henceforward she would be + permitted, without any sin, to sleep every night. Seeing she was getting + playful, the cunning lord, who had not been used to maidens, but knew from + experience the little tricks that women will practice, seeing that he had + much associated with ladies of the town, feared those handy tricks, little + kisses, and minor amusements of love which formerly he did not object to, + but which at the present time would have found him cold as the obit of a + pope. Then he drew back towards the end of the bed, afraid of his + happiness, and said to his too delectable spouse, “Well, darling, you are + a seneschal’s wife now, and very well seneschaled as well.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh no!” said she. + </p> + <p> + “How no!” replied he in great fear; “are you not a wife?” + </p> + <p> + “No!” said she. “Nor shall I be till I have had a child.” + </p> + <p> + “Did you while coming here see the meadows?” began again the old fellow. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said she. + </p> + <p> + “Well, they are yours.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh! Oh!” replied she laughing, “I shall amuse myself much there catching + butterflies.” + </p> + <p> + “That’s a good girl,” says her lord. “And the woods?” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! I should not like to be there alone, you will take me there. But,” + said she, “give me a little of that liquor which La Ponneuse has taken + such pains to prepare for us.” + </p> + <p> + “And why, my darling? It would put fire in your body.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh! That’s what I should like,” said she, biting her lip with vexation, + “because I desire to give you a child as soon as possible; and I’m sure + that liquor is good for the purpose.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! my little one,” said the seneschal, knowing by this that Blanche was + a virgin from head to foot, “the goodwill of God is necessary for this + business, and women must be in a state of harvest.” + </p> + <p> + “And when should I be in a state of harvest?” asked she, smiling. + </p> + <p> + “When nature so wills it,” said he, trying to laugh. + </p> + <p> + “What is it necessary to do for this?” replied she. + </p> + <p> + “Ah! A cabalistical and alchemical operation which is very dangerous.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said she, with a dreamy look, “that’s the reason why my mother cried + when thinking of the said metamorphosis; but Bertha de Breuilly, who is so + thankful for being made a wife, told me it was the easiest thing in the + world.” + </p> + <p> + “That’s according to the age,” replied the old lord. “But did you see at + the stable the beautiful white mare so much spoken of in Touraine?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, she is very gentle and nice.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, I give her to you, and you can ride her as often as the fancy takes + you.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, you are very kind, and they did not lie when they told me so.” + </p> + <p> + “Here,” continued he, “sweetheart; the butler, the chaplain, the + treasurer, the equerry, the farrier, the bailiff, even the Sire de + Montsoreau, the young varlet whose name is Gauttier and bears my banner, + with his men at arms, captains, followers, and beasts—all are yours, + and will instantly obey your orders under pain of being incommoded with a + hempen collar.” + </p> + <p> + “But,” replied she, “this mysterious operation—cannot it be + performed immediately?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh no!” replied the seneschal. “Because it is necessary above all things + that both the one and the other of us should be in a state of grace before + God; otherwise we should have a bad child, full of sin; which is forbidden + by the canons of the church. This is the reason that there are so many + incorrigible scapegraces in the world. Their parents have not wisely + waited to have their souls pure, and have given wicked souls to their + children. The beautiful and the virtuous come of immaculate fathers; that + is why we cause our beds to be blessed, as the Abbot of Marmoustiers has + done this one. Have you not transgressed the ordinances of the Church?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh no,” said she, quickly, “I received before Mass absolution for all my + faults and have remained since without committing the slightest sin.” + </p> + <p> + “You are very perfect,” said the cunning lord, “and I am delighted to have + you for a wife; but I have sworn like an infidel.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh! and why?” + </p> + <p> + “Because the dancing did not finish, and I could not have you to myself to + bring you here and kiss you.” + </p> + <p> + Thereupon he gallantly took her hands and covered them with kisses, + whispering to her little endearments and superficial words of affection + which made her quite pleased and contented. + </p> + <p> + Then, fatigued with the dance and all the ceremonies, she settled down to + her slumbers, saying to the seneschal— + </p> + <p> + “I will take care tomorrow that you shall not sin,” and she left the old + man quite smitten with her white beauty, amorous of her delicate nature, + and as embarrassed to know how he should be able to keep her in her + innocence as to explain why oxen chew their food twice over. Although he + did not augur to himself any good therefrom, it inflamed him so much to + see the exquisite perfections of Blanche during her innocent and gentle + sleep, that he resolved to preserve and defend this pretty jewel of love. + With tears in his eyes he kissed her sweet golden tresses, the beautiful + eyelids, and her ripe red mouth, and he did it softly for fear of waking + her. There was all his fruition, the dumb delight which still inflamed his + heart without in the least affecting Blanche. Then he deplored the snows + of his leafless old age, the poor old man, that he saw clearly that God + had amused himself by giving him nuts when his teeth were gone. + </p> + <h3> + HOW THE SENESCHAL STRUGGLED WITH HIS WIFE’S MODESTY. + </h3> + <p> + During the first days of his marriage the seneschal imprinted many fibs to + tell his wife, whose so estimable innocence he abused. Firstly, he found + in his judicial functions good excuses for leaving her at times alone; + then he occupied himself with the peasants of the neighbourhood, and took + them to dress the vines on his lands at Vouvray, and at length pampered + her up with a thousand absurd tales. + </p> + <p> + At one time he would say that lords did not behave like common people, + that the children were only planted at certain celestial conjunctions + ascertained by learned astrologers; at another that one should abstain + from begetting children on feast days, because it was a great undertaking; + and he observed the feasts like a man who wished to enter into Paradise + without consent. Sometimes he would pretend that if by chance the parents + were not in a state of grace, the children commenced on the date of St. + Claire would be blind, of St. Gatien had the gout, of St. Agnes were + scaldheaded, of St. Roch had the plague; sometimes that those begotten in + February were chilly; in March, too turbulent; in April, were worth + nothing at all; and that handsome boys were conceived in May. In short, he + wished his child to be perfect, to have his hair of two colours; and for + this it was necessary that all the required conditions should be observed. + At other times he would say to Blanche that the right of a man was to + bestow a child upon his wife according to his sole and unique will, and + that if she pretended to be a virtuous woman she should conform to the + wishes of her husband; in fact it was necessary to await the return of the + Lady of Azay in order that she should assist at the confinement; from all + of which Blanche concluded that the seneschal was annoyed by her requests, + and was perhaps right, since he was old and full of experience; so she + submitted herself and thought no more, except to herself, of this so + much-desired child, that is to say, she was always thinking of it, like a + woman who has a desire in her head, without suspecting that she was + behaving like a gay lady or a town-walker running after her enjoyment. One + evening, by accident, Bruyn spoke of children, a discourse that he avoided + as cats avoid water, but he was complaining of a boy condemned by him that + morning for great misdeeds, saying for certain he was the offspring of + people laden with mortal sins. + </p> + <p> + “Alas!” said Blanche, “if you will give me one, although you have not got + absolution, I will correct so well that you will be pleased with him.” + </p> + <p> + Then the count saw that his wife was bitten by a warm desire, and that it + was time to dissipate her innocence in order to make himself master of it, + to conquer it, to beat it, or to appease and extinguish it. + </p> + <p> + “What, my dear, you wish to be a mother?” said he; “you do not yet know + the business of a wife, you are not accustomed to being mistress of the + house.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh! Oh!” said she, “to be a perfect countess, and have in my loins a + little count, must I play the great lady? I will do it, and thoroughly.” + </p> + <p> + Then Blanche, in order to obtain issue, began to hunt the fawns and stags, + leaping the ditches, galloping upon her mare over valleys and mountain, + through the woods and the fields, taking great delight in watching the + falcons fly, in unhooding them and while hunting always carried them + gracefully upon her little wrist, which was what the seneschal had + desired. But in this pursuit, Blanche gained an appetite of nun and + prelate, that is to say, wished to procreate, had her desires whetted, and + could scarcely restrain her hunger, when on her return she gave play to + her teeth. Now by reason of reading the legends written by the way, and of + separating by death the embraces of birds and wild beasts, she discovered + a mystery of natural alchemy, while colouring her complexion, and + superagitating her feeble imagination, which did little to pacify her + warlike nature, and strongly tickled her desire which laughed, played, and + frisked unmistakably. The seneschal thought to disarm the rebellious + virtue of his wife by making her scour the country; but his fraud turned + out badly, for the unknown lust that circulated in the veins of Blanche + emerged from these assaults more hardy than before, inviting jousts and + tourneys as the herald the armed knight. + </p> + <p> + The good lord saw then that he had grossly erred and that he was now upon + the horns of a dilemma; also he no longer knew what course to adopt; the + longer he left it the more it would resist. From this combat, there must + result one conquered and one contused—a diabolical contusion which + he wished to keep distant from his physiognomy by God’s help until after + his death. The poor seneschal had already great trouble to follow his lady + to the chase, without being dismounted; he sweated under the weight of his + trappings, and almost expired in that pursuit wherein his frisky wife + cheered her life and took great pleasure. Many times in the evening she + wished to dance. Now the good man, swathed in his heavy clothing, found + himself quite worn out with these exercises, in which he was constrained + to participate either in giving her his hand, when she performed the + vaults of the Moorish girl, or in holding the lighted fagot for her, when + she had a fancy to do the torchlight dance; and in spite of his sciaticas, + accretions, and rheumatisms, he was obliged to smile and say to her some + gentle words and gallantries after all the evolutions, mummeries, and + comic pantomimes, which she indulged in to divert herself; for he loved + her so madly that if she had asked him for an impossibility he would have + sought one for her immediately. + </p> + <p> + Nevertheless, one fine day he recognised the fact that his frame was in a + state of too great debility to struggle with the vigorous nature of his + wife, and humiliating himself before his wife’s virtue he resolved to let + things take their course, relying a little upon the modesty, religion, and + bashfulness of Blanche, but he always slept with one eye open, for he + suspected that God had perhaps made virginities to be taken like + partridges, to be spitted and roasted. One wet morning, when the weather + was that in which the snails make their tracks, a melancholy time, and + suitable to reverie, Blanche was in the house sitting in her chair in deep + thought, because nothing produces more lively concoctions of the + substantive essences, and no receipt, specific or philter is more + penetrating, transpiercing or doubly transpiercing and titillating than + the subtle warmth which simmers between the nap of the chair and a maiden + sitting during certain weather. + </p> + <p> + Now without knowing it the Countess was incommoded by her innocence, which + gave more trouble than it was worth to her brain, and gnawed her all over. + Then the good man, seriously grieved to see her languishing, wished to + drive away the thoughts which were ultra-conjugal principles of love. + </p> + <p> + “Whence comes your sadness, sweetheart?” said he. + </p> + <p> + “From shame.” + </p> + <p> + “What then affronts you?” + </p> + <p> + “The not being a good woman; because I am without a child, and you without + lineage! Is one a lady without progeny? Nay! Look! . . . All my neighbours + have it, and I was married to have it, as you to give it to me; the nobles + of Touraine are all amply furnished with children, and their wives give + them lapfuls, you alone have none, they laugh at you there. What will + become of your name and your fiefs and your seigniories? A child is our + natural company; it is a delight to us to make a fright of it, to fondle + it, to swaddle it, to dress and undress it, to cuddle it, to sing it + lullabies, to cradle it, to get it up, to put it to bed, and to nourish + it, and I feel that if I had only the half of one, I would kiss it, + swaddle it, and unharness it, and I would make it jump and crow all day + long, as the other ladies do.” + </p> + <p> + “Were it not that in giving them birth women die, and that for this you + are still too delicate and too close in the bud, you would already be a + mother,” replied the seneschal, made giddy with the flow of words. “But + will you buy one ready-made?—that will cost you neither pain nor + labour.” + </p> + <p> + “But,” said she, “I want the pain and labour, without which it will not be + ours. I know very well it should be the fruit of my body, because at + church they say that Jesus was the fruit of the Virgin’s womb.” + </p> + <p> + “Very well, then pray God that it may be so,” cried the seneschal, “and + intercede with the Virgin of Egrignolles. Many a lady has conceived after + the neuvaine; you must not fail to do one.” + </p> + +<div class="fig" style="width:35%;"> + <img src="images/057s.jpg" alt="057s " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/057.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a + href="images/057m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + Then the same day Blanche set out towards Notre-Dame de l’Egrignolles, + decked out like a queen riding her beautiful mare, having on her a robe of + green velvet, laced down with fine gold lace, open at the breast, having + sleeves of scarlet, little shoes and a high hat ornamented with precious + stones, and a gold waistband that showed off her little waist, as slim as + a pole. She wished to give her dress to Madame the Virgin, and in fact + promised it to her, for the day of her churching. The Sire de Montsoreau + galloped before her, his eye bright as that of a hawk, keeping the people + back and guarding with his knights the security of the journey. Near + Marmoustiers the seneschal, rendered sleepy by the heat, seeing it was the + month of August, waggled about in his saddle, like a diadem upon the head + of a cow, and seeing so frolicsome and so pretty a lady by the side of so + old a fellow, a peasant girl, who was squatting near the trunk of a tree + and drinking water out of her stone jug inquired of a toothless old hag, + who picked up a trifle by gleaning, if this princess was going to bury her + dead. + </p> + <p> + “Nay,” said the old woman, “it is our lady of Roche-Corbon, wife of the + seneschal of Poitou and Touraine, in quest of a child.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! Ah!” said the young girl, laughing like a fly just satisfied; then + pointing to the handsome knight who was at the head of the procession—“he + who marches at the head would manage that; she would save the wax-candles + and the vow.” + </p> + <p> + “Ha! my little one,” replied the hag, “I am rather surprised that she + should go to Notre-Dame de l’Egrignolles seeing that there are no handsome + priests there. She might very well stop for a short time beneath the + shadow the belfry of Marmoustiers; she would soon be fertile, those good + fathers are so lively.” + </p> + <p> + “By a nun’s oath!” said a tramp walking up, “look; the Sire de Montsoreau + is lively and delicate enough to open the lady’s heart, the more so as he + is well formed to do so.” + </p> + <p> + And all commenced a laugh. The Sire de Montsoreau wished to go to them and + hang them in lime-tree by the road as a punishment for their bad words, + but Blanche cried out quickly— + </p> + <p> + “Oh, sir, do not hang them yet. They have not said all they mean; and we + shall see them on our return.” + </p> + <p> + She blushed, and the Sire de Montsoreau looked at her eagerly, as though + to shoot into her the mystic comprehensions of love, but the clearing out + of her intelligence had already been commenced by the sayings of the + peasants which were fructifying in her understanding —her innocence + was like touchwood, there was only need for a word to inflame it. + </p> + <p> + Thus Blanche perceived now the notable and physical differences between + the qualities of her old husband and perfections of the said Gauttier, a + gentleman who was not over affected with his twenty-three years, but held + himself upright as a ninepin in the saddle, and as wide-awake as the matin + chimes, while in contrast to him, slept the seneschal; he had courage and + dexterity there where his master failed. He was one of those smart fellows + whom the jades would sooner wear at night than a leathern garment, because + they then no longer fear the fleas; there are some who vituperate them, + but no one should be blamed, because every one should sleep as he likes. + </p> + <p> + So much did the seneschal’s lady think, and so imperially well, that by + the time she arrived at the bridge of Tours, she loved Gauttier secretly, + as a maiden loves, without suspecting that it is love. From that she + became a proper woman, that is to say, she desired the good of others, the + best that men have, she fell into a fit of love-sickness, going at the + first jump to the depth of her misery, seeing that all is flame between + the first coveting and the last desire, and she knew not how she then + learned that by the eyes can flow in a subtle essence, causing such + powerful corrosions in all the veins of the body, recesses of the heart, + nerves of the members, roots of the hair, perspiration of the substance, + limbo of the brain, orifices of the epidermis, windings of the pluck, + tubes of the hypochondriac and other channels which in her was suddenly + dilated, heated, tickled, envenomed, clawed, harrowed, and disturbed, as + if she had a basketful of needles in her inside. This was a maiden’s + desire, a well-conditioned desire, which troubled her sight to such a + degree that she no longer saw her old spouse, but clearly the young + Gauttier, whose nature was as ample as the glorious chin of an abbot. When + the good man entered Tours the Ah! Ah! of the crowd woke him up, and he + came with great pomp with his suite to the Church of Notre-Dame de + l’Egrignolles, formerly called la greigneur, as if you said that which has + the most merit. Blanche went into the chapel where children are asked to + God and of the Virgin, and went there alone, as was the custom, always + however in the presence of the seneschal, of his varlets and the loiterers + who remained outside the grill. When the countess saw the priest come who + had charge of the masses said for children, and who received the said + vows, she asked him if there were many barren women. To which the good + priest replied, that he must not complain, and that the children were good + revenue to the Church. + </p> + <p> + “And do you often see,” said Blanche, “young women with such old husbands + as my lord?” + </p> + <p> + “Rarely,” said he. + </p> + <p> + “But have those obtained offspring?” + </p> + <p> + “Always,” replied the priest smiling. + </p> + <p> + “And the others whose companions are not so old?” + </p> + <p> + “Sometimes.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh! Oh!” said she, “there is more certainty then with one like the + seneschal?” + </p> + <p> + “To be sure,” said the priest. + </p> + <p> + “Why?” said she. + </p> + <p> + “Madame,” gravely replied priest, “before that age God alone interferes + with the affair, after, it is the men.” + </p> + <p> + At this time it was a true thing that all the wisdom had gone to the + clergy. Blanch made her vow, which was a very profitable one, seeing that + her decorations were worth quite two thousand gold crowns. + </p> + <p> + “You are very joyful!” said the old seneschal to her when on the home + journey she made her mare prance, jump, and frisk. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, yes!” said she. “There is no longer any doubt about my having a + child, because any one can help me, the priest said: I shall take + Gauttier.” + </p> + <p> + The seneschal wished to go and slay the monk, but he thought that was a + crime which would cost him too much, and he resolved cunningly to arrange + his vengeance with the help of the archbishop; and before the housetops of + Roche-Corbon came in sight he had ordered the Sire de Montsoreau to seek a + little retirement in his own country, which the young Gauttier did, + knowing the ways of the lord. The seneschal put in the place of the said + Gauttier the son of the Sire de Jallanges, whose fief was held from + Roche-Corbon. He was a young boy named Rene, approaching fourteen years, + and he made him a page, awaiting the time when he should be old enough to + be an equerry, and gave the command of his men to an old cripple, with + whom he had knocked about a great deal in Palestine and other places. Thus + the good man believed he would avoid the horned trappings of cuckoldom, + and would still be able to girth, bridle, and curb the factious innocence + of his wife, which struggled like a mule held by a rope. + </p> + <h3> + THAT WHICH IS ONLY A VENIAL SIN. + </h3> + <p> + The Sunday following the arrival of Rene at the manor of Roche-Corbon, + Blanche went out hunting without her goodman, and when she was in the + forest near Les Carneaux, saw a monk who appeared to be pushing a girl + about more than was necessary, and spurred on her horse, saying to her + people, “Ho there! Don’t let him kill her.” But when the seneschal’s lady + arrived close to them, she turned her horse’s head quickly and the sight + she beheld prevented her from hunting. She came back pensive, and then the + lantern of her intelligence opened, and received a bright light, which + made a thousand things clear, such as church and other pictures, fables, + and lays of the troubadours, or the domestic arrangements of birds; + suddenly she discovered the sweet mystery of love written in all + languages, even in that of the Carps’. Is it not silly thus to seal this + science from maidens? Soon Blanche went to bed, and soon said she to the + seneschal— + </p> + <p> + “Bruyn, you have deceived me, you ought to behave as the monk of the + Carneaux behaved to the girl.” + </p> + <p> + Old Bruyn suspected the adventure, and saw well that his evil hour was at + hand. He regarded Blanche with too much fire in his eyes for the same + ardour to be lower down, and answered her softly— + </p> + <p> + “Alas! sweetheart, in taking you for my wife I had more love than + strength, and I have taken advantage of your clemency and virtue. The + great sorrow of my life is to feel all my capability in my heart only. + This sorrow hastens my death little by little, so that you will soon be + free. Wait for my departure from this world. That is the sole request that + he makes of you, he who is your master, and who could command you, but who + wishes only to be your prime minister and slave. Do not betray the honour + of my white hairs! Under these circumstances there have been lords who + have slain their wives. + </p> + <p> + “Alas! you will not kill me?” said she. + </p> + <p> + “No,” replied the old man, “I love thee too much, little one; why, thou + art the flower of my old age, the joy of my soul. Thou art my well-beloved + daughter; the sight of thee does good to mine eyes, and from thee I could + endure anything, be it a sorrow or a joy, provided that thou does not + curse too much the poor Bruyn who has made thee a great lady, rich and + honoured. Wilt thou not be a lovely widow? And thy happiness will soften + the pangs of death.” + </p> + <p> + And he found in his dried-up eyes still one tear which trickled quite warm + down his fir-cone coloured face, and fell upon the hand of Blanche, who, + grieved to behold this great love of her old spouse who would put himself + under the ground to please her, said laughingly— + </p> + <p> + “There! there! don’t cry, I will wait.” + </p> + <p> + Thereupon the seneschal kissed her hands and regaled her with little + endearments, saying with a voice quivering with emotion— + </p> + <p> + “If you knew, Blanche my darling, how I devour thee in thy sleep with + caresses, now here, now there!” And the old ape patted her with his two + hands, which were nothing but bones. And he continued, “I dared not waken + the cat that would have strangled my happiness, since at this occupation + of love I only embraced with my heart.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” replied she, “you can fondle me thus even when my eyes are open; + that has not the least effect upon me.” + </p> + <p> + At these words the poor seneschal, taking the little dagger which was on + the table by the bed, gave it to her, saying with passion— + </p> + <p> + “My darling, kill me, or let me believe that you love me a little!” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, yes,” said she, quite frightened, “I will try to love you much.” + </p> + <p> + Behold how this young maidenhood made itself master of this old man and + subdued him, for in the name of the sweet face of Venus, Blanche, endowed + with the natural artfulness of women, made her old Bruyn come and go like + a miller’s mule. + </p> + <p> + “My good Bruyn, I want this! Bruyn, I want that—go on Bruyn!” Bruyn! + Bruyn! And always Bruyn in such a way that Bruyn was more worn-out by the + clemency of his wife than he would have been by her unkindness. She turned + his brain wishing that everything should be in scarlet, making him turn + everything topsy-turvy at the least movement of her eyebrow, and when she + was sad the seneschal distracted, would say to everything from his + judicial seat, “Hang him!” Another would have died like a fly at this + conflict with the maid’s innocence, but Bruyn was of such an iron nature + that it was difficult to finish him off. One evening that Blanche had + turned the house upside-down, upset the men and the beasts, and would by + her aggravating humour have made the eternal father desperate—he who + has such an infinite treasure of patience since he endures us—she + said to the seneschal while getting into bed, “My good Bruyn, I have low + down fancies, that bite and prick me; thence they rise into my heart, + inflame my brain, incite me therein to evil deeds, and in the night I + dream of the monk of the Carneaux.” + </p> + <p> + “My dear,” replied the seneschal, “these are devilries and temptations + against which the monks and nuns know how to defend themselves. If you + will gain salvation, go and confess to the worthy Abbot of Marmoustiers, + our neighbour; he will advise you well and will holily direct you in the + good way.” + </p> + <p> + “Tomorrow I will go,” said she. + </p> + <p> + And indeed directly it was day, she trotted off to the monastery of the + good brethren, who marvelled to see among them so pretty a lady; committed + more than one sin through her in the evening; and for the present led her + with great ceremony to their reverend abbot. + </p> + <p> + Blanche found the said good man in a private garden near the high rock + under a flower arcade, and remained stricken with respect at the + countenance of the holy man, although she was accustomed not to think much + of grey hairs. + </p> + <p> + “God preserve you, Madame; what can you have to seek of one so near death, + you so young?” + </p> + <p> + “Your precious advice,” said she, saluting him with a courtesy; “and if it + will please you to guide so undutiful a sheep, I shall be well content to + have so wise a confessor.” + </p> + <p> + “My daughter,” answered the monk, with whom old Bruyn had arranged this + hypocrisy and the part to play, “if I had not the chills of a hundred + winters upon this unthatched head, I should not dare to listen to your + sins, but say on; if you enter paradise, it will be through me.” + </p> + <p> + Then the seneschal’s wife set forth the small fry of her stock in hand, + and when she was purged of her little iniquities, she came to the + postscript of her confession. + </p> + <p> + “Ah! my father!” said she, “I must confess to you that I am daily + exercised by the desire to have a child. Is it wrong?” + </p> + <p> + “No,” said the abbot. + </p> + <p> + But she went on, “It is by nature commanded to my husband not to draw from + his wealth to bring about his poverty, as the old women say by the way.” + </p> + <p> + “Then,” replied the priest, “you must live virtuously and abstain from all + thoughts of this kind.” + </p> + <p> + “But I have heard it professed by the Lady of Jallanges, that it was not a + sin when from it one derived neither profit nor pleasure.” + </p> + <p> + “There always is pleasure,” said the abbot, “but don’t count upon the + child as a profit. Now fix this in your understanding, that it will always + be a mortal sin before God and a crime before men to bring forth a child + through the embraces of a man to whom one is not ecclesiastically married. + Thus those women who offend against the holy laws of marriage, suffer + great penalties in the other world, are in the power of horrible monsters + with sharp and tearing claws, who thrust them into flaming furnaces in + remembrance of the fact that here below they have warmed their hearts a + little more than was lawful.” + </p> + <p> + Thereupon Blanche scratched her ear, and having thought to herself for a + little while, she said to the priest, “How then did the Virgin Mary?” + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” replied abbot, “that it is a mystery.” + </p> + <p> + “And what is a mystery?” + </p> + <p> + “A thing that cannot be explained, and which one ought to believe without + enquiring into it.” + </p> + <p> + “Well then,” said she, “cannot I perform a mystery?” + </p> + <p> + “This one,” said the Abbot, “only happened once, because it was the Son of + God.” + </p> + <p> + “Alas! my father, is it then the will of God that I should die, or that + from wise and sound comprehension my brain should be turned? Of this there + is a great danger. Now in me something moves and excites me, and I am no + longer in my senses. I care for nothing, and to find a man I would leap + the walls, dash over the fields without shame and tear my things into + tatters, only to see that which so much excited the monk of the Carneaux; + and during these passions which work and prick my mind and body, there is + neither God, devil, nor husband. I spring, I run, I smash up the + wash-tubs, the pots, the farm implements, a fowl-house, the household + things, and everything, in a way that I cannot describe. But I dare not + confess to you all my misdeeds, because speaking of them makes my mouth + water, and the thing with which God curses me makes me itch dreadfully. If + this folly bites and pricks me, and slays my virtue, will God, who has + placed this great love in my body, condemn me to perdition?” + </p> + <p> + At this question it was the priest who scratched his ear, quite + dumbfounded by the lamentations, profound wisdom, controversies and + intelligence that this virginity secreted. + </p> + <p> + “My daughter,” said he, “God has distinguished us from the beasts and made + us a paradise to gain, and for this given us reason, which is a rudder to + steer us against tempests and our ambitious desires, and there is a means + of easing the imaginations of one’s brain by fasting, excessive labours, + and other virtues; and instead of frisking and fretting like a child let + loose from school, you should pray to the virgin, sleep on a hard board, + attend to your household duties, and never be idle.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! my father, when I am at church in my seat, I see neither the priest + nor the altar, only the infant Jesus, who brings the thing into my head. + But to finish, if my head is turned and my mind wanders, I am in the + lime-twigs of love.” + </p> + <p> + “If thus you were,” said the abbot, imprudently, “you would be in the + position of Saint Lidoire, who in a deep sleep one day, one leg here and + one leg there, through the great heat and scantily attired, was approached + by a young man full of mischief, who dexterously seduced her, and as of + this trick the saint was thoroughly ignorant, and much surprised at being + brought to bed, thinking that her unusual size was a serious malady, she + did penance for it as a venial sin, as she had no pleasure in this wicked + business, according to the statement of the wicked man, who said upon the + scaffold where he was executed, that the saint had in nowise stirred.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, my father,” said she, “be sure that I should not stir more than she + did!” + </p> + <p> + With this statement she went away prettily and gracefully, smiling and + thinking how she could commit a venial sin. On her return from the great + monastery, she saw in the courtyard of her castle the little Jallanges, + who under the superintendence of an old groom was turning and wheeling + about on a fine horse, bending with the movements of the animal, + dismounting and mounting again with vaults and leaps most gracefully, and + with lissome thighs, so pretty, so dextrous, so upright as to be + indescribable, so much so, that he would have made the Queen Lucrece long + for him, she who killed herself from having been contaminated against her + will. + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said Blanche, “if only this page were fifteen, I would go to sleep + comfortably very near to him.” + </p> + <p> + Then, in spite of the too great youth of this charming servitor, during + the collation and supper, she eyed frequently the black hair, the white + skin, the grace of Rene, above all his eyes, where was an abundance of + limpid warmth and a great fire of life, which he was afraid to shoot out—child + that he was. + </p> + <p> + Now in the evening, as the seneschal’s wife sat thoughtfully in her chair + in the corner of the fireplace, old Bruyn interrogated her as to her + trouble. + </p> + <p> + “I am thinking.” said she, “that you must have fought the battles of love + very early, to be thus completely broken up.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh!” smiled he, smiling like all old men questioned upon their amorous + remembrances, “at the age of thirteen and a half I had overcome the + scruples of my mother’s waiting woman.” + </p> + <p> + Blanche wished to hear nothing more, but believed the page Rene should be + equally advanced, and she was quite joyous and practised little + allurements on the good man, and wallowed silently in her desire, like a + cake which is being floured. + </p> + <h3> + HOW AND BY WHOM THE SAID CHILD WAS PROCURED. + </h3> + <p> + The seneschal’s wife did not think long over the best way quickly to + awaken the love of the page, and had soon discovered the natural ambuscade + in the which the most wary are taken. This is how: at the warmest hour of + the day the good man took his siesta after the Saracen fashion, a habit in + which he had never failed, since his return from the Holy Land. During + this time Blanche was alone in the grounds, where the women work at their + minor occupations, such as broidering and stitching, and often remained in + the rooms looking after the washing, putting the clothes tidy, or running + about at will. Then she appointed this quiet hour to complete the + education of the page, making him read books and say his prayers. Now on + the morrow, when at the mid-day hour the seneschal slept, succumbing to + the sun which warms with its most luminous rays the slopes of + Roche-Corbon, so much so that one is obliged to sleep, unless annoyed, + upset, and continually roused by a devil of a young woman. Blanche then + gracefully perched herself in the great seignorial chair of her good man, + which she did not find any too high, since she counted upon the chances of + perspective. The cunning jade settled herself dextrously therein, like a + swallow in its nest, and leaned her head maliciously upon her arm like a + child that sleeps; but in making her preparations she opened fond eyes, + that smiled and winked in advance of the little secret thrills, sneezes, + squints, and trances of the page who was about to lie at her feet, + separated from her by the jump of an old flea; and in fact she advanced so + much and so near the square of velvet where the poor child should kneel, + whose life and soul she trifled with, that had he been a saint of stone, + his glance would have been constrained to follow the flexousities of the + dress in order to admire and re-admire the perfections and beauties of the + shapely leg, which moulded the white stocking of the seneschal’s lady. + Thus it was certain that a weak varlet would be taken in the snare, + wherein the most vigorous knight would willingly have succumbed. When she + had turned, returned, placed and displaced her body, and found the + situation in which the page would be most comfortable, she cried, gently. + “Rene!” Rene, whom she knew well was in the guard-room, did not fail to + run in and quickly thrust his brown head between the tapestries of the + door. + </p> + <p> + “What do you please to wish?” said the page. And he held with great + respect in his hand his shaggy scarlet cap, less red than his fresh + dimpled cheeks. + </p> + <p> + “Come hither,” replied she, under her breath, for the child attracted her + so strongly that she was quite overcome. + </p> + <p> + And forsooth there were no jewels so sparkling as the eyes of Rene, no + vellum whiter than his skin, no woman more exquisite in shape—and so + near to her desire, she found him still more sweetly formed—and was + certain that the merry frolics of love would radiate well from this youth, + the warm sun, the silence, et cetera. + </p> + <p> + “Read me the litanies of Madame the Virgin,” said she to him, pushing an + open book him on her prieu-dieu. “Let me see if you are well taught by + your master.” + </p> + <p> + “Do you not think the Virgin beautiful?” asked she of him, smiling when he + held the illuminated prayer-book in which glowed the silver and gold. + </p> + <p> + “It is a painting,” replied he, timidly, and casting a little glance upon + his so gracious mistress. + </p> + <p> + “Read! read!” + </p> + <p> + Then Rene began to recite the so sweet and so mystic litanies; but you may + imagine that the “Ora pro nobis” of Blanche became still fainter and + fainter, like the sound of the horn in the woodlands, and when the page + went on, “Oh, Rose of mystery,” the lady, who certainly heard distinctly, + replied by a gentle sigh. Thereupon Rene suspected that his mistress + slept. Then he commenced to cover her with his regard, admiring her at his + leisure, and had then no wish to utter any anthem save the anthem of love. + His happiness made his heart leap and bound into his throat; thus, as was + but natural, these two innocents burned one against the other, but if they + could have foreseen never would have intermingled. Rene feasted his eyes, + planning in his mind a thousand fruitions of love that brought the water + into his mouth. In his ecstasy he let his book fall, which made him feel + as sheepish as a monk surprised at a child’s tricks; but also from that he + knew that Blanche was sound asleep, for she did not stir, and the wily + jade would not have opened her eyes even at the greatest dangers, and + reckoned on something else falling as well as the book of prayer. + </p> + <p> + There is no worse longing than the longing of a woman in certain + condition. Now, the page noticed his lady’s foot, which was delicately + slippered in a little shoe of a delicate blue colour. She had angularly + placed it on a footstool, since she was too high in the seneschal’s chair. + This foot was of narrow proportions, delicately curved, as broad as two + fingers, and as long as a sparrow, tail included, small at the top—a + true foot of delight, a virginal foot that merited a kiss as a robber does + the gallows; a roguish foot; a foot wanton enough to damn an archangel; an + ominous foot; a devilishly enticing foot, which gave one a desire to make + two new ones just like it to perpetuate in this lower world the glorious + works of God. The page was tempted to take the shoe from this persuasive + foot. To accomplish this his eyes glowing with the fire of his age, went + swiftly, like the clapper of a bell, from this said foot of delectation to + the sleeping countenance of his lady and mistress, listening to her + slumber, drinking in her respiration again and again, it did not know + where it would be sweetest to plant a kiss—whether on the ripe red + lips of the seneschal’s wife or on this speaking foot. At length, from + respect or fear, or perhaps from great love, he chose the foot, and kissed + it hastily, like a maiden who dares not. Then immediately he took up his + book, feeling his red cheeks redder still, and exercised with his + pleasure, he cried like a blind man—“<i>Janua coeli,: gate of Heaven</i>.” + But Blanche did not move, making sure that the page would go from foot to + knee, and thence to “<i>Janua coeli,: gate of Heaven</i>.” She was greatly + disappointed when the litanies finished without any other mischief, and + Rene, believing he had had enough happiness for one day, ran out of the + room quite lively, richer from this hardy kiss than a robber who has + robbed the poor-box. + </p> + <p> + When the seneschal’s lady was alone, she thought to herself that this page + would be rather a long time at his task if he amused himself with the + singing of the Magnificat at matins. Then she determined on the morrow to + raise her foot a little, and then to bring to light those hidden beauties + that are called perfect in Touraine, because they take no hurt in the open + air, and are always fresh. You can imagine that the page, burned by his + desire and his imagination, heated by the day before, awaited impatiently + the hour to read in this breviary of gallantry, and was called; and the + conspiracy of the litanies commenced again, and Blanche did not fail to + fall asleep. This time the said Rene fondled with his hand the pretty + limb, and even ventured so far as to verify if the polished knee and its + surroundings were satin. At this sight the poor child, armed against his + desire, so great was his fear, dared only to make brief devotion and curt + caresses, and although he kissed softly this fair surface, he remained + bashful, the which, feeling by the senses of her soul and the intelligence + of her body, the seneschal’s lady who took great care not to move, called + out to him—“Ah, Rene, I am asleep.” + </p> + <p> + Hearing what he believed to be a stern reproach, the page frightened ran + away, leaving the books, the task, and all. Thereupon, the seneschal’s + better half added this prayer to the litany—“Holy Virgin, how + difficult children are to make.” + </p> + <p> + At dinner her page perspired all down his back while waiting on his lady + and her lord; but he was very much surprised when he received from Blanche + the most shameless of all glances that ever woman cast, and very pleasant + and powerful it was, seeing that it changed this child into a man of + courage. Now, the same evening Bruyn staying a little longer than was his + custom in his own apartment, the page went in search of Blanche, and found + her asleep, and made her dream a beautiful dream. + </p> + <p> + He knocked off the chains that weighed so heavily upon her, and so + plentifully bestowed upon her the sweets of love, that the surplus would + have sufficed to render to others blessed with the joys of maternity. So + then the minx, seizing the page by the head and squeezing him to her, + cried out—“Oh, Rene! Thou hast awakened me!” + </p> + <p> + And in fact there was no sleep could stand against it, and it is certain + that saints must sleep very soundly. From this business, without any other + mystery, and by a benign faculty which is the assisting principle of + spouses, the sweet and graceful plumage, suitable to cuckolds, was placed + upon the head of the good husband without his experiencing the slightest + shock. + </p> + <p> + After this sweet repast, the seneschal’s lady took kindly to her siesta + after the French fashion, while Bruyn took his according to the Saracen. + But by the said siesta she learned how the good youth of the page had a + better taste than that of the old seneschal, and at night she buried + herself in the sheets far away from her husband, whom she found strong and + stale. And from sleeping and waking up in the day, from taking siestas and + saying litanies, the seneschal’s wife felt growing within her that + treasure for which she had so often and so ardently sighed; but now she + liked more the commencement than the fructifying of it. + </p> + <p> + You may be sure that Rene knew how to read, not only in books, but in the + eyes of his sweet lady, for whom he would have leaped into a flaming pile, + had it been her wish he should do so. When well and amply, more than a + hundred times, the train had been laid by them, the little lady became + anxious about her soul and the future of her friend the page. Now one + rainy day, as they were playing at touch-tag, like two children, innocent + from head to foot, Blanche, who was always caught, said to him— + </p> + <p> + “Come here, Rene; do you know that while I have only committed venial sins + because I was asleep, you have committed mortal ones?” + </p> + <p> + “Ah, Madame!” said he, “where then will God stow away all the damned if + that is to sin!” + </p> + <p> + Blanche burst out laughing, and kissed his forehead. + </p> + <p> + “Be quiet, you naughty boy; it is a question of paradise, and we must live + there together if you wish always to be with me.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, my paradise is here.” + </p> + <p> + “Leave off,” said she. “You are a little wretch—a scapegrace who + does not think of that which I love—yourself! You do not know that I + am with child, and that in a little while I shall be no more able to + conceal it than my nose. Now, what will the abbot say? What will my lord + say? He will kill you if he puts himself in a passion. My advice is little + one, that you go to the abbot of Marmoustiers, confess your sins to him, + asking him to see what had better be done concerning my seneschal. + </p> + <p> + “Alas,” said the artful page, “if I tell the secret of our joys, he will + put his interdict upon our love.” + </p> + <p> + “Very likely,” said she; “but thy happiness in the other world is a thing + so precious to me.” + </p> + <p> + “Do you wish it my darling?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” replied she rather faintly. + </p> + <p> + “Well, I will go, but sleep again that I may bid you adieu.” + </p> + <p> + And the couple recited the litany of Farewells as if they had both + foreseen that their love must finish in its April. And on the morrow, more + to save his dear lady than to save himself, and also to obey her, Rene de + Jallanges set out towards the great monastery. + </p> + <h3> + HOW THE SAID LOVE-SIN WAS REPENTED OF AND LED TO GREAT MOURNING. + </h3> + <p> + “Good God!” cried the abbot, when the page had chanted the Kyrie eleison + of his sweet sins, “thou art the accomplice of a great felony, and thou + has betrayed thy lord. Dost thou know page of darkness, that for this thou + wilt burn through all eternity? and dost thou know what it is to lose + forever the heaven above for a perishable and changeful moment here below? + Unhappy wretch! I see thee precipitated for ever in the gulfs of hell + unless thou payest to God in this world that which thou owest him for such + offence.” + </p> + <p> + Thereupon the good old abbot, who was of that flesh of which saints are + made, and who had great authority in the country of Touraine, terrified + the young man by a heap of representations, Christian discourses, + remembrances of the commandments of the Church, and a thousand eloquent + things—as many as a devil could say in six weeks to seduce a maiden—but + so many that Rene, who was in the loyal fervour of innocence, made his + submission to the good abbot. The said abbot, wishing to make forever a + good and virtuous man of this child, now in a fair way to be a wicked one, + commanded him first to go and prostrate himself before his lord, to + confess his conduct to him, and then if he escaped from this confession, + to depart instantly for the Crusades, and go straight to the Holy Land, + where he should remain fifteen years of the time appointed to give battle + to the Infidels. + </p> + <p> + “Alas, my reverend father,” said he, quite unmoved, “will fifteen years be + enough to acquit me of so much pleasure? Ah! If you knew, I have had joy + enough for a thousand years.” + </p> + <p> + “God will be generous. Go,” replied the old abbot, “and sin no more. On + this account, <i>ego te absolvo</i>.” + </p> + <p> + Poor Rene returned thereupon with great contrition to the castle of + Roche-Corbon and the first person he met was the seneschal, who was + polishing up his arms, helmets, gauntlets, and other things. He was + sitting on a great marble bench in the open air, and was amusing himself + by making shine again the splendid trappings which brought back to him the + merry pranks in the Holy Land, the good jokes, and the wenches, et cetera. + When Rene fell upon his knees before him, the good lord was much + astonished. + </p> + <p> + “What is it?” said he. + </p> + <p> + “My lord,” replied Rene, “order these people to retire.” + </p> + <p> + Which the servants having done, the page confessed his fault, recounting + how he had assailed his lady in her sleep, and that for certain he had + made her a mother in imitation of the man and the saint, and came by order + of the confessor to put himself at the disposition of the offended person. + Having said which, Rene de Jallanges cast down his lovely eyes, which had + produced all the mischief, and remained abashed, prostrate without fear, + his arms hanging down, his head bare, awaiting his punishment, and + humbling himself to God. The seneschal was not so white that he could not + become whiter, and now he blanched like linen newly dried, remaining dumb + with passion. And this old man who had not in his veins the vital force to + procreate a child, found in this moment of fury more vigour than was + necessary to undo a man. He seized with his hairy right hand his heavy + club, lifted it, brandished it and adjusted it so easily you could have + thought it a bowl at a game of skittles, to bring it down upon the pale + forehead of the said Rene, who knowing that he was greatly in fault + towards his lord, remained placid, and stretching his neck, thought that + he was about to expiate his sin for his sweetheart in this world and in + the other. + </p> + <p> + But his fair youth, and all the natural seductions of this sweet crime, + found grace before the tribunal of the heart of this old man, although + Bruyn was still severe, and throwing his club away on to a dog who was + catching beetles, he cried out, “May a thousand million claws, tear during + all eternity, all the entrails of him, who made him, who planted the oak, + that made the chair, on which thou hast antlered me—and the same to + those who engendered thee, cursed page of misfortune! Get thee to the + devil, whence thou camest—go out from before me, from the castle, + from the country, and stay not here one moment more than is necessary, + otherwise I will surely prepare for thee a death by slow fire that shall + make thee curse twenty times an hour thy villainous and ribald partner!” + </p> + <p> + Hearing the commencement of these little speeches of the seneschal, whose + youth came back in his oaths, the page ran away, escaping the rest: and he + did well. Bruyn, burning with a fierce rage, gained the gardens speedily, + reviling everything by the way, striking and swearing; he even knocked + over three large pans held by one of his servants, was carrying the mess + to the dogs, and he was so beside himself that he would have killed a + labourer for a “thank you.” He soon perceived his unmaidenly maiden, who + was looking towards the road to the monastery, waiting for the page, and + unaware that she would never see him again. + </p> + <p> + “Ah, my lady! By the devil’s red three-pronged fork, am I a swallower of + tarradiddles and a child, to believe that you are so fashioned that a page + can behave in this manner and you not know it? By the death! By the head! + By the blood!” + </p> + <p> + “Hold!” she replied, seeing that the mine was sprung, “I knew it well + enough, but as you had not instructed me in these matters I thought that I + was dreaming!” + </p> + <p> + The great ire of the seneschal melted like snow in the sun, for the direst + anger of God himself would have vanished at a smile from Blanche. + </p> + <p> + “May a thousand millions of devils carry off this alien child! I swear + that—” + </p> + <p> + “There! there! do not swear,” said she. “If it is not yours, it is mine; + and the other night did you not tell me you loved everything that came + from me?” + </p> + <p> + Thereupon she ran on with such a lot of arguments, hard words, complaints, + quarrels, tears, and other paternosters of women; such as —firstly + the estates would not have to be returned to the king; that never had a + child been brought more innocently into the world, that this, that that, a + thousand things; until the good cuckold relented, and Blanche, seizing a + propitious interruption said— + </p> + <p> + “And where it is the page?” + </p> + <p> + “Gone to the devil!” + </p> + <p> + “What, have you killed him?” said she. She turned pale and tottered. + </p> + <p> + Bruyn did not know what would become of him when he saw thus fall all the + happiness of his old age, and he would to save her have shown her this + page. He ordered him to be sought, but Rene had run off at full speed, + fearing he should be killed; and departed for the lands beyond the seas, + in order to accomplish his vow of religion. When Blanche had learned from + the above-mentioned abbot the penitence imposed upon her well beloved, she + fell into a state of great melancholy, saying at times, “Where is he, the + poor unfortunate, who is in the middle of great dangers for love of me?” + </p> + <p> + And always kept on asking, like a child who gives its mother no rest until + its request be granted it. At these lamentations the poor seneschal, + feeling himself to blame, endeavoured to do a thousand things, putting one + out of the question, in order to make Blanche happy; but nothing was equal + to the sweet caresses of the page. However, she had one day the child so + much desired. You may be sure that was a fine festival for the good + cuckold, for the resemblance to the father was distinctly engraved upon + the face of this sweet fruit of love. Blanche consoled herself greatly, + and picked up again a little of her old gaiety and flower of innocence, + which rejoiced the aged hours of the seneschal. From constantly seeing the + little one run about, watching its laughs answer those of the countess, he + finished by loving it, and would have been in a great rage with anyone who + had not believed him its father. + </p> + <p> + Now as the adventure of Blanche and her page had not been carried beyond + the castle, it was related throughout Touraine that Messire Bruyn had + still found himself sufficiently in funds to afford a child. Intact + remained the virtue of Blanche, and by the quintessence of instruction + drawn by her from the natural reservoir of women, she recognised how + necessary it was to be silent concerning the venial sin with which her + child was covered. So she became modest and good, and was cited as a + virtuous person. And then to make use of him she experimented on the + goodness of her good man, and without giving him leave to go further than + her chin, since she looked upon herself as belonging to Rene, Blanche, in + return for the flowers of age which Bruyn offered her, coddled him, smiled + upon him, kept him merry, and fondled him with pretty ways and tricks, + which good wives bestow upon the husbands they deceive; and all so well, + that the seneschal did not wish to die, squatted comfortably in his chair, + and the more he lived the more he became partial to life. But to be brief, + one night he died without knowing where he was going, for he said to + Blanche, “Ho! ho! My dear, I see thee no longer! Is it night?” + </p> + <p> + It was the death of the just, and he had well merited it as a reward for + his labours in the Holy Land. + </p> + +<div class="fig" style="width:35%;"> + <img src="images/080s.jpg" alt="080s " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/080.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a + href="images/080m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + Blanche held for his death a great and true mourning, weeping for him as + one weeps for one’s father. She remained melancholy, without wishing to + lend her ear to the music of a second wedding, for which she was praised + by all good people, who knew not that she had a husband in her heart, a + life in hope; but she was the greater part of her time a widow in fact and + widow in heart, because hearing no news of her lover at the Crusades, the + poor Countess reputed him dead, and during certain nights seeing him + wounded and lying at full length, she would wake up in tears. She lived + thus for fourteen years in the remembrance of one day of happiness. + Finally, one day when she had with her certain ladies of Touraine, and + they were talking together after dinner, behold her little boy, who was at + that time about thirteen and a half, and resembled Rene more than it is + allowable for a child to resemble his father, and had nothing of the Sire + Bruyn about him but his name—behold the little one, a madcap and + pretty like his mother, who came in from the garden, running, perspiring, + panting, jumping, scattering all things in his way, after the uses and + customs of infancy, and who ran straight to his well-beloved mother, + jumping into her lap, and interrupting the conversation, cried out— + </p> + <p> + “Oh, mother I want to speak to you, I have seen in the courtyard a + pilgrim, who squeezed me very tight.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” cried the chatelaine, hurrying towards one of the servants who had + charge of the young count and watched over his precious days, “I have + forbidden you ever to leave my son in the hands of strangers, not even in + those of the holiest man in the world. You quit my service.” + </p> + <p> + “Alas! my lady,” replied the old equerry, quite overcome, “this one wished + him no harm for he wept while kissing him passionately.” + </p> + <p> + “He wept?” said she; “ah! it’s the father.” + </p> + <p> + Having said which, she leaned her head of upon the chair in which she was + sitting, and which you may be sure was the chair in which she has sinned. + </p> + <p> + Hearing these strange words the ladies was so surprised that at first they + did not perceive that the seneschal’s widow was dead, without its ever + been known if her sudden death was caused by her sorrow at the departure + of her lover, who, faithful to his vow, did not wish to see her, or from + great joy at his return and the hope of getting the interdict removed + which the Abbot of Marmoustiers had placed upon their loves. And there was + a great mourning for her, for the Sire de Jallanges lost his spirits when + he saw his lady laid in the ground, and became a monk of Marmoustiers, + which at that time was called by some Maimoustier, as much as to say Maius + Monasterium, the largest monastery, and it was indeed the finest in all + France. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0008" id="link2H_4_0008"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + THE KING’S SWEETHEART + </h2> + <p> + There lived at this time at the forges of the Pont-aux-Change, a goldsmith + whose daughter was talked about in Paris on account of her great beauty, + and renowned above all things for her exceeding gracefulness. There were + those who sought her favours by the usual tricks of love and, but others + offered large sums of money to the father to give them his daughter in + lawful wedlock, the which pleased him not a little. + </p> + <p> + One of his neighbours, a parliamentary advocate, who by selling his + cunning devices to the public had acquired as many lands as a dog has + fleas, took it into his head to offer the said father a domain in + consideration of his consent to this marriage, which he ardently desired + to undertake. To this arrangement our goldsmith was nothing loth. He + bargained away his daughter, without taking into consideration the fact + that her patched-up old suitor had the features of an ape and had scarcely + a tooth in his jaws. The smell which emanated from his mouth did not + however disturb his own nostrils, although he was filthy and high + flavoured, as are all those who pass their lives amid the smoke of + chimneys, yellow parchment, and other black proceedings. Immediately this + sweet girl saw him she exclaimed, “Great Heaven! I would rather not have + him.” + </p> + <p> + “That concerns me not,” said the father, who had taken a violent fancy to + the proffered domain. “I give him to you for a husband. You must get on as + well as you can together. That is his business now, and his duty is to + make himself agreeable to you.” + </p> + <p> + “Is it so?” said she. “Well then, before I obey your orders I’ll let him + know what he may expect.” + </p> + <p> + And the same evening, after supper, when the love-sick man of law was + pleading his cause, telling her he was mad for her, and promising her a + life of ease and luxury, she taking him up, quickly remarked— + </p> + <p> + “My father had sold me to you, but if you take me, you will make a bad + bargain, seeing that I would rather offer myself to the passers-by than to + you. I promise you a disloyalty that will only finish with death—yours + or mine.” + </p> + <p> + Then she began to weep, like all young maidens will before they become + experienced, for afterwards they never cry with their eyes. The good + advocate took this strange behaviour for one of those artifices by which + the women seek to fan the flames of love and turn the devotion of their + admirers into the more tender caress and more daring osculation that + speaks a husband’s right. So that the knave took little notice of it, but + laughing at the complaints of the charming creature, asked her to fix the + day. + </p> + <p> + “To-morrow,” replied she, “for the sooner this odious marriage takes + place, the sooner I shall be free to have gallants and to lead the gay + life of those who love where it pleases them.” + </p> + <p> + Thereupon the foolish fellow—as firmly fixed as a fly in a glue pot + —went away, made his preparations, spoke at the Palace, ran to the + High Court, bought dispensations, and conducted his purchase more quickly + than he ever done one before, thinking only of the lovely girl. Meanwhile + the king, who had just returned from a journey, heard nothing spoken of at + court but the marvellous beauty of the jeweller’s daughter who had refused + a thousand crowns from this one, snubbed that one; in fact, would yield to + no one, but turned up her nose at the finest young men of the city, + gentlemen who would have forfeited their seat in paradise only to possess + one day, this little dragon of virtue. + </p> + <p> + The good king, was a judge of such game, strolled into the town, past the + forges, and entered the goldsmith’s shop, for the purpose of buying jewels + for the lady of his heart, but at the same time to bargain for the most + precious jewel in the shop. The king not taking a fancy to the jewels, or + they not being to his taste, the good man looked in a secret drawer for a + big white diamond. + </p> + +<div class="fig" style="width:35%;"> + <img src="images/086s.jpg" alt="086s " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/086.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a + href="images/086m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + “Sweetheart,” said he, to the daughter, while her father’s nose was buried + in the drawer, “sweetheart, you were not made to sell precious stones, but + to receive them, and if you were to give me all the little rings in the + place to choose from, I know one that many here are mad for; that pleases + me; to which I should ever be subject and servant; and whose price the + whole kingdom of France could never pay.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! sire!” replied the maid, “I shall be married to-morrow, but if you + will lend me the dagger that is in your belt, I will defend my honour, and + you shall take it, that the gospel made be observed wherein it says, ‘<i>Render + unto Caesar the things which be Caesar’s’ . . .</i>” + </p> + <p> + Immediately the king gave her the little dagger, and her brave reply + rendered him so amorous that he lost his appetite. He had an apartment + prepared, intending to lodge his new lady-love in the Rue a l’Hirundelle, + in one of his palaces. + </p> + <p> + And now behold my advocate, in a great hurry to get married, to the + disgust of his rivals, the leading his bride to the altar to the clang of + bells and the sound of music, so timed as to provoke the qualms of + diarrhoea. In the evening, after the ball, comes he into the nuptial + chamber, where should be reposing his lovely bride. No longer is she a + lovely bride—but a fury—a wild she-devil, who, seated in an + armchair, refuses her share of her lord’s couch, and sits defiantly before + the fire warming at the same time her ire and her calves. The good + husband, quite astonished, kneels down gently before her, inviting her to + the first passage of arms in that charming battle which heralds a first + night of love; but she utters not a word, and when he tries to raise her + garment, only just to glance at the charms that have cost him so dear, she + gives him a slap that makes his bones rattle, and refuses to utter a + syllable. + </p> + <p> + This amusement, however, by no means displeased our friend the advocate, + who saw at the end of his troubles that which you can as well imagine as + he did; so played he his share of the game manfully, taking cheerfully the + punishment bestowed upon him. By so much hustling about, scuffling, and + struggling he managed at last to tear away a sleeve, to slit a petticoat, + until he was able to place his hand upon his own property. This bold + endeavour brought Madame to her feet and drawing the king’s dagger, “What + would you with me?” she cried. + </p> + <p> + “Everything,” answered he. + </p> + <p> + “Ha! I should be a great fool to give myself against my inclination! If + you fancied you would find my virtue unarmed you made a great error. + Behold the poniard of the king, with which I will kill you if you make the + semblance of a step towards me.” + </p> + <p> + So saying, she took a cinder, and having still her eyes upon her lord she + drew a circle on the floor, adding, “These are the confines of the king’s + domain. Beware how you pass them.” + </p> + +<div class="fig" style="width:35%;"> + <img src="images/092s.jpg" alt="092s " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/092.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a + href="images/092m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + The advocate, with whose ideas of love-making the dagger sadly interfered, + stood quite discomfited, but at the same time he heard the cruel speech of + his tormentor he caught sight through the slits and tears in her robe of a + sweet sample of a plump white thigh, and such voluptuous specimens of + hidden mysteries, et cetera, that death seemed sweet to him if he could + only taste of them a little. So that he rushed within the domain of the + king, saying, “I mind not death.” In fact he came with such force that his + charmer fell backwards onto the bed, but keeping her presence of mind she + defended herself so gallantly that the advocate enjoyed no further + advantage than a knock at the door that would not admit him, and he gained + as well a little stab from the poniard which did not wound him deeply, so + that it did not cost him very dearly, his attack upon the realm of his + sovereign. But maddened with this slight advantage, he cried, “I cannot + live without the possession of that lovely body, and those marvels of + love. Kill me then!” And again he attacked the royal preserves. The young + beauty, whose head was full of the king, was not even touched by this + great love, said gravely, “If you menace me further, it is not you but + myself I will kill.” She glared at him so savagely that the poor man was + quite terrified, and commenced to deplore the evil hour in which he had + taken her to wife, and thus the night which should have been so joyous, + was passed in tears, lamentations, prayers, and ejaculations. In vain he + tempted her with promises; she should eat out of gold, she should be a + great lady, he would buy houses and lands for her. Oh! if she would only + let him break one lance with her in the sweet conflict of love, he would + leave her for ever and pass the remainder of his life according to her + fantasy. But she, still unyielding, said she would permit him to die, and + that was the only thing he could do to please her. + </p> + <p> + “I have not deceived you,” said she. “Agreeable to my promise, I shall + give myself to the king, making you a present of the peddler, chance + passers, and street loungers with whom I threatened you.” + </p> + <p> + When the day broke she put on her wedding garments and waited patiently + till the poor husband had to depart to his office client’s business, and + then ran out into the town to seek the king. But she had not gone a + bow-shot from the house before one of the king’s servants who had watched + the house from dawn, stopped her with the question— + </p> + <p> + “Do you seek the king?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said she. + </p> + <p> + “Good; then allow me to be your good friend,” said the subtle courtier. “I + ask your aid and protection, as now I give you mine.” + </p> + <p> + With that he told her what sort of a man the king was, which was his weak + side, that he was passionate one day and silent the next, that she would + luxuriously lodged and well kept, but that she must keep the king well in + hand; in short, he chatted so pleasantly that the time passed quickly + until she found herself in the Hotel de l’Hirundelle where afterwards + lived Madame d’Estampes. The poor husband shed scalding tears, when he + found his little bird had flown, and became melancholy and pensive. His + friends and neighbours edified his ears with as many taunts and jeers as + Saint Jacques had the honour of receiving in Compostella, but the poor + fellow took it so to heart, that at last they tried rather to assuage his + grief. These artful compeers by a species of legal chicanery, decreed that + the good man was not a cuckold, seeing that his wife had refused a + consummation, and if the planter of horns had been anyone but the king, + the said marriage might have been dissolved; but the amorous spouse was + wretched unto death at my lady’s trick. However, he left her to the king, + determining one day to have her to himself, and thinking that a life-long + shame would not be too dear a payment for a night with her. One must love + well to love like that, eh? and there are many worldly ones, who mock at + such affection. But he, still thinking of her, neglected his cases and his + clients, his robberies and everything. He went to the palace like a miser + searching for a lost sixpence, bowed down, melancholy, and absent-minded, + so much so, that one day he relieved himself against the robe of a + counsellor, believing all the while he stood against a wall. Meanwhile the + beautiful girl was loved night and day by the king, who could not tear + himself from her embraces, because in amorous play she was so excellent, + knowing as well how to fan the flame of love as to extinguish it—to-day + snubbing him, to-morrow petting him, never the same, and with it a + thousand little tricks to charm the ardent lover. + </p> + <p> + A lord of Bridore killed himself through her, because she would not + receive his embraces, although he offered her his land, Bridore in + Touraine. Of these gallants of Touraine, who gave an estate for one tilt + with love’s lance, there are none left. This death made the fair one sad, + and since her confessor laid the blame of it upon her, she determined for + the future to accept all domains and secretly ease their owner’s amorous + pains for the better saving of their souls from perdition. ‘Twas thus she + commenced to build up that great fortune which made her a person of + consideration in the town. By this means she prevented many gallant + gentlemen from perishing, playing her game so well, and inventing such + fine stories, that his Majesty little guessed how much she aided him in + securing the happiness of his subjects. The fact is, she has such a hold + over him that she could have made him believe the floor was the ceiling, + which was perhaps easier for him to think than anyone else seeing that at + the Rue d’Hirundelle my lord king passed the greater portion of his time + embracing her always as though he would see if such a lovely article would + wear away: but he wore himself out first, poor man, seeing that he + eventually died from excess of love. Although she took care to grant her + favours only to the best and noblest in the court, and that such occasions + were rare as miracles, there were not wanting those among her enemies and + rivals who declared that for 10,000 crowns a simple gentleman might taste + the pleasures of his sovereign, which was false above all falseness, for + when her lord taxed her with it, did she not reply, “Abominable wretches! + Curse the devils who put this idea in your head! I never yet did have man + who spent less than 30,000 crowns upon me.” + </p> + <p> + The king, although vexed could not repress a smile, and kept her on a + month to silence scandal. And last, la demoiselle de Pisseleu, anxious to + obtain her place, brought about her ruin. Many would have liked to be + ruined in the same way, seeing she was taken by a young lord, was happy + with him, the fires of love in her being still unquenched. But to take up + the thread again. One day that the king’s sweetheart was passing through + the town in her litter to buy laces, furs, velvets, broideries, and other + ammunition, and so charmingly attired, and looking so lovely, that anyone, + especially the clerks, would have believed the heavens were open above + them, behold, her good man, who comes upon her near the old cross. She, at + that time lazily swinging her charming little foot over the side of the + litter, drew in her head as though she had seen an adder. She was a good + wife, for I know some who would have proudly passed their husbands, to + their shame and to the great disrespect of conjugal rights. + </p> + <p> + “What is the matter?” asked one M. de Lannoy, who humbly accompanied her. + </p> + <p> + “Nothing,” she whispered; “but that person is my husband. Poor man, how + changed he looks. Formerly he was the picture of a monkey; today he is the + very image of a Job.” + </p> + <p> + The poor advocate stood opened-mouthed. His heart beat rapidly at the + sight of that little foot—of that wife so wildly loved. + </p> + <p> + Observing which, the Sire de Lannoy said to him, with courtly innocence— + </p> + <p> + “If you are her husband, is that any reason you should stop her passage?” + </p> + <p> + At this she burst out laughing, and the good husband instead of killing + her bravely, shed scalding tears at that laugh which pierced his heart, + his soul, his everything, so much that he nearly tumbled over an old + citizen whom the sight of the king’s sweetheart had driven against the + wall. The aspect of this weak flower, which had been his in the bud, but + far from him had spread its lovely leaves; of the fairy figure, the + voluptuous bust—all this made the poor advocate more wretched and + more mad for her than it is possible to express in words. You must have + been madly in love with a woman who refuses your advances thoroughly to + understand the agony of this unhappy man. Rare indeed is it to be so + infatuated as he was. He swore that life, fortune, honour—all might + go, but that for once at least he would be flesh-to-flesh with her, and + make so grand a repast off her dainty body as would suffice him all his + life. He passed the night saying, “oh yes; ah! I’ll have her!” and “Curses + am I not her husband?” and “Devil take me,” striking himself on the + forehead and tossing about. There are chances and occasions which occur so + opportunely in this world that little-minded men refuse them credence, + saying they are supernatural, but men of high intellect know them to be + true because they could not be invented. One of the chances came to the + poor advocate, even the day after that terrible one which had been so sore + a trial to him. One of his clients, a man of good renown, who had his + audiences with the king, came one morning to the advocate, saying that he + required immediately a large sum of money, about 12,000 crowns. To which + the artful fellow replied, 12,000 crowns were not so often met at the + corner of a street as that which often is seen at the corner of the + street; that besides the sureties and guarantees of interest, it was + necessary to find a man who had about him 12,000 crowns, and that those + gentlemen were not numerous in Paris, big city as it was, and various + other things of a like character the man of cunning remarked. + </p> + <p> + “Is it true, my lord, the you have a hungry and relentless creditor?” said + he. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, yes,” replied the other, “it concerns the mistress of the king. + Don’t breathe a syllable; but this evening, in consideration of 20,000 + crowns and my domain of Brie, I shall take her measure.” + </p> + <p> + Upon this the advocate blanched, and the courtier perceived he touched a + tender point. As he had only lately returned from the wars, he did not + know that the lovely woman adored by the king had a husband. + </p> + <p> + “You appear ill,” he said. + </p> + <p> + “I have a fever,” replied the knave. “But is it to her that you give the + contract and the money?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes.” + </p> + <p> + “Who then manages the bargain? Is it she also?” + </p> + <p> + “No,” said the noble; “her little arrangements are concluded through a + servant of hers, the cleverest little ladies’-maid that ever was. She’s + sharper than mustard, and these nights stolen from the king have lined her + pockets well.” + </p> + <p> + “I know a Lombard who would accommodate you. But nothing can be done; of + the 12,000 crowns you shall not have a brass farthing if this same + ladies’-maid does not come here to take the price of the article that is + so great an alchemist that turns blood into gold, by Heaven!” + </p> + <p> + “It will be a good trick to make her sign the receipt,” replied the lord, + laughing. + </p> + <p> + The servant came faithfully to the rendezvous with the advocate, who had + begged the lord to bring her. The ducats looked bright and beautiful. + There they lay all in a row, like nuns going to vespers. Spread out upon + the table they would have made a donkey smile, even if he were being + gutted alive; so lovely, so splendid, were those brave noble young piles. + The good advocate, however, had prepared this view for no ass, for the + little handmaiden look longingly at the golden heap, and muttered a prayer + at the sight of them. Seeing which, the husband whispered in her ear his + golden words, “These are for you.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said she; “I have never been so well paid.” + </p> + <p> + “My dear,” replied the dear man, “you shall have them without being + troubled with me;” and turning her round, “Your client has not told you + who I am, eh? No? Learn then, I am the husband of the lady whom the king + has debauched, and whom you serve. Carry her these crowns, and come back + here. I will hand over yours to you on a condition which will be to your + taste.” + </p> + <p> + The servant did as she was bidden, and being very curious to know how she + could get 12,000 crowns without sleeping with the advocate, was very soon + back again. + </p> + <p> + “Now, my little one,” said he, “here are 12,000 crowns. With this sum I + could buy lands, men, women, and the conscience of three priests at least; + so that I believe if I give it to you I can have you, body, soul, and toe + nails. And I shall have faith in you like an advocate, I expect that you + will go to the lord who expects to pass the night with my wife, and you + will deceive him, by telling him that the king is coming to supper with + her, and that to-night he must seek his little amusements elsewhere. By so + doing I shall be able to take his place and the king’s.” + </p> + <p> + “But how?” said she. + </p> + <p> + “Oh!” replied he; “I have bought you, you and your tricks. You won’t have + to look at these crowns twice without finding me a way to have my wife. In + bringing this conjunction about you commit no sin. It is a work of piety + to bring together two people whose hands only been put one in to the + other, and that by the priest.” + </p> + <p> + “By my faith, come,” said she; “after supper the lights will be put out, + and you can enjoy Madame if you remain silent. Luckily, on these joyful + occasions she cries more than she speaks, and asks questions with her + hands alone, for she is very modest, and does not like loose jokes, like + the ladies of the Court.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh,” cried the advocate, “look, take the 12,000 crowns, and I promise you + twice as much more if I get by fraud that which belongs to me by right.” + </p> + <p> + Then he arranged the hour, the door, the signal, and all; and the servant + went away, bearing with her on the back of the mules the golden treasure + wrung by fraud and trickery from the widow and the orphan, and they were + all going to that place where everything goes—save our lives, which + come from it. Now behold my advocate, who shaves himself, scents himself, + goes without onions for dinner that his breath may be sweet, and does + everything to make himself as presentable as a gallant signor. He gives + himself the airs of a young dandy, tries to be lithe and frisky and to + disguise his ugly face; he might try all he knew, he always smelt of the + musty lawyer. He was not so clever as the pretty washerwoman of Portillon + who one day wishing to appear at her best before one of her lovers, got + rid of a disagreeable odour in a manner well known to young women of an + inventive turn of mind. But our crafty fellow fancied himself the nicest + man in the world, although in spite of his drugs and perfumes he was + really the nastiest. He dressed himself in his thinnest clothes although + the cold pinched him like a rope collar and sallied forth, quickly gaining + the Rue d’Hirundelle. There he had to wait some time. But just as he was + beginning to think he had been made a fool of, and just as it was quite + dark, the maid came down and opened alike the door to him and good husband + slipped gleefully into the king’s apartment. The girl locked him carefully + in a cupboard that was close to his wife’s bed, and through a crack he + feasted his eyes upon her beauty, for she undressed herself before the + fire, and put on a thin nightgown, through which her charms were plainly + visible. Believing herself alone with her maid she made those little jokes + that women will when undressing. “Am I not worth 20,000 crowns to-night? + Is that overpaid with a castle in Brie?” + </p> + <p> + And saying this she gently raised two white supports, firm as rocks, which + had well sustained many assaults, seeing they had been furiously attacked + and had not softened. “My shoulders alone are worth a kingdom; no king + could make their equal. But I am tired of this life. That which is hard + work is no pleasure.” The little maid smiled, and her lovely mistress said + to her, “I should like to see you in my place.” Then the maid laughed, + saying— + </p> + <p> + “Be quiet, Madame, he is there.” + </p> + <p> + “Who?” + </p> + <p> + “Your husband.” + </p> + <p> + “Which?” + </p> + <p> + “The real one.” + </p> + <p> + “Chut!” said Madame. + </p> + <p> + And her maid told her the whole story, wishing to keep her favour and the + 12,000 crowns as well. + </p> + <p> + “Oh well, he shall have his money’s worth. I’ll give his desires time to + cool. If he tastes me may I lose my beauty and become as ugly as a + monkey’s baby. You get into bed in my place and thus gain the 12,000 + crowns. Go and tell him that he must take himself off early in the morning + in order that I may not find out your trick upon me, and just before dawn + I will get in by his side.” + </p> + <p> + The poor husband was freezing and his teeth were chattering, and the + chambermaid coming to the cupboard on pretence of getting some linen, said + to him, “Your hour of bliss approaches. Madame to-night has made grand + preparations and you will be well served. But work without whistling, + otherwise I shall be lost.” + </p> + <p> + At last, when the good husband was on the point of perishing with cold, + the lights were put out. The maid cried softly in the curtains to the + king’s sweetheart, that his lordship was there, and jumped into bed, while + her mistress went out as if she had been the chambermaid. The advocate, + released from his cold hiding-place, rolled rapturously into the warm + sheets, thinking to himself, “Oh! this is good!” To tell the truth, the + maid gave him his money’s worth—and the good man thought of the + difference between the profusion of the royal houses and the niggardly + ways of the citizens’ wives. The servant laughing, played her part + marvellously well, regaling the knave with gentle cries, shiverings, + convulsions and tossings about, like a newly-caught fish on the grass, + giving little Ah! Ahs! in default of other words; and as often as the + request was made by her, so often was it complied with by the advocate, + who dropped of to sleep at last, like an empty pocket. But before + finishing, the lover who wished to preserve a souvenir of this sweet night + of love, by a dextrous turn, plucked out one of his wife’s hairs, where + from I know not, seeing I was not there, and kept in his hand this + precious gauge of the warm virtue of that lovely creature. Towards the + morning, when the cock crew, the wife slipped in beside her husband, and + pretended to sleep. Then the maid tapped gently on the happy man’s + forehead, whispering in his ear, “It is time, get into your clothes and + off you go—it’s daylight.” The good man grieved to lose his + treasure, and wished to see the source of his vanished happiness. + </p> + <p> + “Oh! Oh!” said he, proceeding to compare certain things, “I’ve got light + hair, and this is dark.” + </p> + <p> + “What have you done?” said the servant; “Madame will see she has been + duped.” + </p> + <p> + “But look.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said she, with an air of disdain, “do you not know, you who knows + everything, that that which is plucked dies and discolours?” and thereupon + roaring with laughter at the good joke, she pushed him out of doors. This + became known. The poor advocate, named Feron, died of shame, seeing that + he was the only one who had not his own wife while she, who was from this + was called La Belle Feroniere, married, after leaving the king, a young + lord, Count of Buzancois. And in her old days she would relate the story, + laughingly adding, that she had never scented the knave’s flavour. + </p> + <p> + This teaches us not to attach ourselves more than we can help to wives who + refuse to support our yoke. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0009" id="link2H_4_0009"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + THE DEVIL’S HEIR + </h2> + <p> + There once was a good old canon of Notre Dame de Paris, who lived in a + fine house of his own, near St. Pierre-aux-Boeufs, in the Parvis. This + canon had come a simple priest to Paris, naked as a dagger without its + sheath. But since he was found to be a handsome man, well furnished with + everything, and so well constituted, that if necessary he was able to do + the work of many, without doing himself much harm, he gave himself up + earnestly to the confessing of ladies, giving to the melancholy a gentle + absolution, to the sick a drachm of his balm, to all some little dainty. + He was so well known for his discretion, his benevolence, and other + ecclesiastical qualities, that he had customers at Court. Then in order + not to awaken the jealousy of the officials, that of the husbands and + others, in short, to endow with sanctity these good and profitable + practices, the Lady Desquerdes gave him a bone of St. Victor, by virtue of + which all the miracles were performed. And to the curious it was said, “He + has a bone which will cure everything;” and to this, no one found anything + to reply, because it was not seemly to suspect relics. Beneath the shade + of his cassock, the good priest had the best of reputations, that of a man + valiant under arms. So he lived like a king. He made money with holy + water; sprinkled it and transmitted the holy water into good wine. More + than that, his name lay snugly in all the et ceteras of the notaries, in + wills or in caudicils, which certain people have falsely written <i>codicil</i>, + seeing that the word is derived from cauda, as if to say the tail of the + legacy. In fact, the good old Long Skirts would have been made an + archbishop if he had only said in joke, “I should like to put on a mitre + for a handkerchief in order to have my head warmer.” Of all the benefices + offered to him, he chose only a simple canon’s stall to keep the good + profits of the confessional. But one day the courageous canon found + himself weak in the back, seeing that he was all sixty-eight years old, + and had held many confessionals. Then thinking over all his good works, he + thought it about time to cease his apostolic labours, the more so, as he + possessed about one hundred thousand crowns earned by the sweat of his + body. From that day he only confessed ladies of high lineage, and did it + very well. So that it was said at Court that in spite of the efforts of + the best young clerks there was still no one but the Canon of St. + Pierre-aux-Boeufs to properly bleach the soul of a lady of condition. Then + at length the canon became by force of nature a fine nonagenarian, snowy + about the head, with trembling hands, but square as a tower, having spat + so much without coughing, that he coughed now without being able to spit; + no longer rising from his chair, he who had so often risen for humanity; + but drinking dry, eating heartily, saying nothing, but having all the + appearance of a living Canon of Notre Dame. Seeing the immobility of the + aforesaid canon; seeing the stories of his evil life which for some time + had circulated among the common people, always ignorant; seeing his dumb + seclusion, his flourishing health, his young old age, and other things too + numerous to mention—there were certain people who to do the + marvellous and injure our holy religion, went about saying that the true + canon was long since dead, and that for more than fifty years the devil + had taken possession of the old priest’s body. In fact, it seemed to his + former customers that the devil could only by his great heat have + furnished these hermetic distillations, that they remembered to have + obtained on demand from this good confessor, who always had le diable au + corps. But as this devil had been undoubtedly cooked and ruined by them, + and that for a queen of twenty years he would not have moved, + well-disposed people and those not wanting in sense, or the citizens who + argued about everything, people who found lice in bald heads, demanded why + the devil rested under the form of a canon, went to the Church of Notre + Dame at the hours when the canons usually go, and ventured so far as to + sniff the perfume of the incense, taste the holy water, and a thousand + other things. To these heretical propositions some said that doubtless the + devil wished to convert himself, and others that he remained in the shape + of the canon to mock at the three nephews and heirs of this said brave + confessor and make them wait until the day of their own death for the + ample succession of this uncle, to whom they paid great attention every + day, going to look if the good man had his eyes open, and in fact found + him always with his eye clear, bright, and piercing as the eye of a + basilisk, which pleased them greatly, since they loved their uncle very + much—in words. On this subject an old woman related that for certain + the canon was the devil, because his two nephews, the procureur and the + captain, conducting their uncle at night, without a lamp, or lantern, + returning from a supper at the penitentiary’s, had caused him by accident + to tumble over a heap of stones gathered together to raise the statue of + St. Christopher. At first the old man had struck fire in falling, but was, + amid the cries of his dear nephews and by the light of the torches they + came to seek at her house found standing up as straight as a skittle and + as gay as a weaving whirl, exclaiming that the good wine of the + penitentiary had given him the courage to sustain this shock and that his + bones were exceedingly hard and had sustained rude assaults. The good + nephews believing him dead, were much astonished, and perceived that the + day that was to dispatch their uncle was a long way off, seeing that at + the business stones were of no use. So that they did not falsely call him + their good uncle, seeing that he was of good quality. Certain + scandalmongers said that the canon found so many stones in his path that + he stayed at home not to be ill with the stone, and the fear of worse was + the cause of his seclusion. + </p> + <p> + Of all these sayings and rumours, it remains that the old canon, devil or + not, kept his house, and refused to die, and had three heirs with whom he + lived as with his sciaticas, lumbagos, and other appendage of human life. + Of the said three heirs, one was the wickedest soldier ever born of a + woman, and he must have considerably hurt her in breaking his egg, since + he was born with teeth and bristles. So that he ate, two-fold, for the + present and the future, keeping wenches whose cost he paid; inheriting + from his uncle the continuance, strength, and good use of that which is + often of service. In great battles, he endeavoured always to give blows + without receiving them, which is, and always will be, the only problem to + solve in war, but he never spared himself there, and, in fact, as he had + no other virtue except his bravery, he was captain of a company of + lancers, and much esteemed by the Duke of Burgoyne, who never troubled + what his soldiers did elsewhere. This nephew of the devil was named + Captain Cochegrue; and his creditors, the blockheads, citizens, and + others, whose pockets he slit, called him the Mau-cinge, since he was as + mischievous as strong; but he had moreover his back spoilt by the natural + infirmity of a hump, and it would have been unwise to attempt to mount + thereon to get a good view, for he would incontestably have run you + through. + </p> + <p> + The second had studied the laws, and through the favour of his uncle had + become a procureur, and practised at the palace, where he did the business + of the ladies, whom formerly the canon had the best confessed. This one + was called Pille-grue, to banter him upon his real name, which was + Cochegrue, like that of his brother the captain. Pille-grue had a lean + body, seemed to throw off very cold water, was pale of face, and possessed + a physiognomy like a polecat. + </p> + <p> + This notwithstanding, he was worth many a penny more than the captain, and + had for his uncle a little affection, but since about two years his heart + had cracked a little, and drop by drop his gratitude had run out, in such + a way that from time to time, when the air was damp, he liked to put his + feet into his uncle’s hose, and press in advance the juice of this good + inheritance. He and his brother, the soldier found their share very small, + since loyally, in law, in fact, in justice, in nature, and in reality, it + was necessary to give the third part of everything to a poor cousin, son + of another sister of the canon, the which heir, but little loved by the + good man, remained in the country, where he was a shepherd, near Nanterre. + </p> + <p> + The guardian of beasts, an ordinary peasant, came to town by the advice of + his two cousins, who placed him in their uncle’s house, in the hope that, + as much by his silly tricks and his clumsiness, his want of brain, and his + ignorance, he would be displeasing to the canon, who would kick him out of + his will. Now this poor Chiquon, as the shepherd was named, had lived + about a month alone with his old uncle, and finding more profit or more + amusement in minding an abbot than looking after sheep, made himself the + canon’s dog, his servant, the staff of his old age, saying, “God keep + you,” when he passed wind, “God save you,” when he sneezed, and “God guard + you,” when he belched; going to see if it rained, where the cat was, + remaining silent, listening, speaking, receiving the coughs of the old man + in his face, admiring him as the finest canon there ever was in the world, + all heartily and in good faith, knowing that he was licking him after the + manner of animals who clean their young ones; and the uncle, who stood in + no need of learning which side the bread was buttered, repulsed poor + Chiquon, making him turn about like a die, always calling him Chiquon, and + always saying to his other nephews that this Chiquon was helping to kill + him, such a numskull was he. Thereupon, hearing this, Chiquon determined + to do well by his uncle, and puzzled his understanding to appear better; + but as he had a behind shaped like a pair of pumpkins, was broad + shouldered, large limbed, and far from sharp, he more resembled old + Silenus than a gentle Zephyr. In fact, the poor shepherd, a simple man, + could not reform himself, so he remained big and fat, awaiting his + inheritance to make himself thin. + </p> + <p> + One evening the canon began discoursing concerning the devil and the grave + agonies, penances, tortures, etc., which God will get warm for the + accursed, and the good Chiquon hearing it, began to open his eyes as wide + as the door of an oven, at the statement, without believing a word of it. + </p> + <p> + “What,” said the canon, “are you not a Christian?” + </p> + <p> + “In that, yes,” answered Chiquon. + </p> + <p> + “Well, there is a paradise for the good; is it not necessary to have a + hell for the wicked?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, Mr. Canon; but the devil’s of no use. If you had here a wicked man + who turned everything upside down; would you not kick him out of doors?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, Chiquon.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, well, mine uncle; God would be very stupid to leave in the this + world, which he has so curiously constructed, an abominable devil whose + special business it is to spoil everything for him. Pish! I recognise no + devil if there be a good God; you may depend upon that. I should very much + like to see the devil. Ha, ha! I am not afraid of his claws!” + </p> + <p> + “And if I were of your opinion I should have no care of my very youthful + years in which I held confessions at least ten times a day.” + </p> + <p> + “Confess again, Mr. Canon. I assure you that will be a precious merit on + high.” + </p> + <p> + “There, there! Do you mean it?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, Mr. Canon.” + </p> + <p> + “Thou dost not tremble, Chiquon, to deny the devil?” + </p> + <p> + “I trouble no more about it than a sheaf of corn.” + </p> + <p> + “The doctrine will bring misfortune upon you.” + </p> + <p> + “By no means. God will defend me from the devil because I believe him more + learned and less stupid than the savans make him out.” + </p> + <p> + Thereupon the two other nephews entered, and perceiving from the voice of + the canon that he did not dislike Chiquon very much, and that the + jeremiads which he had made concerning him were simple tricks to disguise + the affection which he bore him, looked at each other in great + astonishment. + </p> + <p> + Then, seeing their uncle laughing, they said to him— + </p> + <p> + “If you will make a will, to whom will you leave the house? + </p> + <p> + “To Chiquon.” + </p> + <p> + “And the quit rent of the Rue St. Denys?” + </p> + <p> + “To Chiquon.” + </p> + <p> + “And the fief of Ville Parisis?” + </p> + <p> + “To Chiquon.” + </p> + <p> + “But,” said the captain, with his big voice, “everything then will be + Chiquon’s.” + </p> + <p> + “No,” replied the canon, smiling, “because I shall have made my will in + proper form, the inheritance will be to the sharpest of you three; I am so + near to the future, that I can therein see clearly your destinies.” + </p> + <p> + And the wily canon cast upon Chiquon a glance full of malice, like a decoy + bird would have thrown upon a little one to draw him into her net. The + fire of his flaming eye enlightened the shepherd, who from that moment had + his understanding and his ears all unfogged, and his brain open, like that + of a maiden the day after her marriage. The procureur and the captain, + taking these sayings for gospel prophecies, made their bow and went out + from the house, quite perplexed at the absurd designs of the canon. + </p> + <p> + “What do you think of Chiquon?” said Pille-grue to Mau-cinge. + </p> + <p> + “I think, I think,” said the soldier, growling, “that I think of hiding + myself in the Rue d’Hierusalem, to put his head below his feet; he can + pick it up again if he likes.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, oh!” said the procureur, “you have a way of wounding that is easily + recognised, and people would say ‘It’s Cochegrue.’ As for me, I thought to + invite him to dinner, after which, we would play at putting ourselves in a + sack in order to see, as they do at Court, who could walk best thus + attired. Then having sewn him up, we could throw him into the Seine, at + the same time begging him to swim.” + </p> + <p> + “This must be well matured,” replied the soldier. + </p> + <p> + “Oh! it’s quite ripe,” said the advocate. “The cousin gone to the devil, + the heritage would then be between us two.” + </p> + <p> + “I’m quite agreeable,” said the fighter, “but we must stick as close + together as the two legs of the same body, for if you are fine as silk, I + as strong as steel, and daggers are always as good as traps —you + hear that, my good brother.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said the advocate, “the cause is heard—now shall it be the + thread or the iron?” + </p> + <p> + “Eh? ventre de Dieu! is it then a king that we are going to settle? For a + simple numskull of a shepherd are so many words necessary? Come! 20,000 + francs out of the Heritage to the one of us who shall first cut him off: + I’ll say to him in good faith, ‘Pick up your head.’” + </p> + +<div class="fig" style="width:35%;"> + <img src="images/115s.jpg" alt="115s " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/115.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a + href="images/115m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + “And I, ‘Swim my friend,’” cried the advocate, laughing like the gap of a + pourpoint. + </p> + <p> + And then they went to supper, the captain to his wench, and the advocate + to the house of a jeweller’s wife, of whom he was the lover. + </p> + <p> + Who was astonished? Chiquon! The poor shepherd heard the planning of his + death, although the two cousins had walked in the parvis, and talked to + each other as every one speaks at church when praying to God. So that + Chiquon was much coupled to know if the words had come up or if his ears + had gone down. + </p> + <p> + “Do you hear, Mister Canon?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said he, “I hear the wood crackling in the fire.” + </p> + <p> + “Ho, ho!” replied Chiquon, “if I don’t believe in the devil, I believe in + St. Michael, my guardian angel; I go there where he calls me.” + </p> + <p> + “Go, my child,” said the canon, “and take care not to wet yourself, nor to + get your head knocked off, for I think I hear more rain, and the beggars + in the street are not always the most dangerous beggars.” + </p> + <p> + At these words Chiquon was much astonished, and stared at the canon; found + his manner gay, his eye sharp, and his feet crooked; but as he had to + arrange matters concerning the death which menaced him, he thought to + himself that he would always have leisure to admire the canon, or to cut + his nails, and he trotted off quickly through the town, as a little woman + trots towards her pleasure. + </p> + <p> + His two cousins having no presumption of the divinatory science, of which + shepherds have had many passing attacks, had often talked before him of + their secret goings on, counting him as nothing. + </p> + <p> + Now one evening, to amuse the canon, Pille-grue had recounted to him how + had fallen in love with him a wife of a jeweller on whose head he had + adjusted certain carved, burnished, sculptured, historical horns, fit for + the brow of a prince. The good lady was to hear him, a right merry wench, + quick at opportunities, giving an embrace while her husband was mounting + the stairs, devouring the commodity as if she was swallowing a a + strawberry, only thinking of love-making, always trifling and frisky, gay + as an honest woman who lacks nothing, contenting her husband, who + cherished her so much as he loved his own gullet; subtle as a perfume, so + much so, that for five years she managed so well with his household + affairs, and her own love affairs, that she had the reputation of a + prudent woman, the confidence of her husband, the keys of the house, the + purse, and all. + </p> + <p> + “And when do you play upon this gentle flute?” said the canon. + </p> + <p> + “Every evening and sometimes I stay all the night.” + </p> + <p> + “But how?” said the canon, astonished. + </p> + <p> + “This is how. There is a room close to, a chest into which I get. When the + good husband returns from his friend the draper’s, where he goes to supper + every evening, because often he helps the draper’s wife in her work, my + mistress pleads a slight illness, lets him go to bed alone, and comes to + doctor her malady in the room where the chest is. On the morrow, when my + jeweller is at his forge, I depart, and as the house has one exit on to + the bridge, and another into the street, I always come to the door when + the husband is not, on the pretext of speaking to him of his suits, which + commence joyfully and heartily, and I never let them come to an end. It is + an income from cuckoldom, seeing that in the minor expenses and loyal + costs of the proceedings, he spends as much as on the horses in his + stable. He loves me well, as all good cuckolds should love the man who + aids them, to plant, cultivate, water and dig the natural garden of Venus, + and he does nothing without me.” + </p> + <p> + Now these practices came back again to the memory of the shepherd, who was + illuminated by the light issuing from his danger, and counselled by the + intelligence of those measures of self-preservation, of which every animal + possesses a sufficient dose to go to the end of his ball of life. So + Chiquon gained with hasty feet the Rue de la Calandre, where the jeweller + should be supping with his companion, and after having knocked at the + door, replied to question put to him through the little grill, that he was + a messenger on state secrets, and was admitted to the draper’s house. Now + coming straight to the fact, he made the happy jeweller get up from his + table, led him to a corner, and said to him: “If one of your neighbours + had planted a horn on your forehead and he was delivered to you, bound + hand and foot, would you throw him into the river?” + </p> + <p> + “Rather,” said the jeweller, “but if you are mocking me I’ll give you a + good drubbing.” + </p> + <p> + “There, there!” replied Chiquon, “I am one of your friends and come to + warn you that as many times as you have conversed with the draper’s wife + here, as often has your own wife been served the same way by the advocate + Pille-grue, and if you will come back to your forge, you will find a good + fire there. On your arrival, he who looks after your you-know-what, to + keep it in good order, gets into the big clothes chest. Now make a + pretence that I have bought the said chest of you, and I will be upon the + bridge with a cart, waiting your orders.” + </p> + <p> + The said jeweller took his cloak and his hat, and parted company with his + crony without saying a word, and ran to his hole like a poisoned rat. He + arrives and knocks, the door is opened, he runs hastily up the stairs, + finds two covers laid, sees his wife coming out of the chamber of love, + and then says to her, “My dear, here are two covers laid.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, my darling are we not two?” + </p> + <p> + “No,” said he, “we are three.” + </p> + <p> + “Is your friend coming?” said she, looking towards the stairs with perfect + innocence. + </p> + <p> + “No, I speak of the friend who is in the chest.” + </p> + <p> + “What chest?” said she. “Are you in your sound senses? Where do you see a + chest? Is the usual to put friends in chests? Am I a woman to keep chests + full of friends? How long have friends been kept in chests? Are you come + home mad to mix up your friends with your chests? I know no other friend + then Master Cornille the draper, and no other chest than the one with our + clothes in.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh!” said the jeweller, “my good woman, there is a bad young man, who has + come to warn me that you allow yourself to be embraced by our advocate, + and that he is in the chest.” + </p> + <p> + “I!” said she, “I would not put up with his knavery, he does everything + the wrong way.” + </p> + <p> + “There, there, my dear,” replied the jeweller, “I know you to be a good + woman, and won’t have a squabble with you about this paltry chest. The + giver of the warning is a box-maker, to whom I am about to sell this + cursed chest that I wish never again to see in my house, and for this one + he will sell me two pretty little ones, in which there will not be space + enough even for a child; thus the scandal and the babble of those envious + of your virtue will be extinguished for want of nourishment.” + </p> + <p> + “You give me great pleasure,” said she; “I don’t attach any value to my + chest, and by chance there is nothing in it. Our linen is at the wash. It + will be easy to have the mischievous chest taken away tomorrow morning. + Will you sup?” + </p> + <p> + “Not at all,” said he, “I shall sup with a better appetite without the + chest.” + </p> + <p> + “I see,” said she, “that you won’t easily get the chest out of your head.” + </p> + <p> + “Halloa, there!” said the jeweller to his smiths and apprentices; “come + down!” + </p> + <p> + In the twinkling of an eye his people were before him. Then he, their + master, having briefly ordered the handling of the said chest, this piece + of furniture dedicated to love was tumbled across the room, but in passing + the advocate, finding his feet in the air to the which he was not + accustomed, tumbled over a little. + </p> + <p> + “Go on,” said the wife, “go on, it’s the lid shaking.” + </p> + <p> + “No, my dear, it’s the bolt.” + </p> + <p> + And without any other opposition the chest slid gently down the stairs. + </p> + <p> + “Ho there, carrier!” said the jeweller, and Chiquon came whistling his + mules, and the good apprentices lifted the litigious chest into the cart. + </p> + <p> + “Hi, hi!” said the advocate. + </p> + <p> + “Master, the chest is speaking,” said an apprentice. + </p> + <p> + “In what language?” said the jeweller, giving him a good kick between two + features that luckily were not made of glass. The apprentice tumbled over + on to a stair in a way that induced him to discontinue his studies in the + language of chests. The shepherd, accompanied by the good jeweller, + carried all the baggage to the water-side without listening to the high + eloquence of the speaking wood, and having tied several stones to it, the + jeweller threw it into the Seine. + </p> + <p> + “Swim, my friend,” cried the shepherd, in a voice sufficiently jeering at + the moment when the chest turned over, giving a pretty little plunge like + a duck. + </p> + <p> + Then Chiquon continued to proceed along the quay, as far as the + Rue-du-port, St. Laudry, near the cloisters of Notre Dame. There he + noticed a house, recognised the door, and knocked loudly. + </p> + <p> + “Open,” said he, “open by order of the king.” + </p> + <p> + Hearing this an old man who was no other than the famous Lombard, + Versoris, ran to the door. + </p> + <p> + “What is it?” said he. + </p> + <p> + “I am sent by the provost to warn you to keep good watch tonight,” replied + Chiquon, “as for his own part he will keep his archers ready. The + hunchback who has robbed you has come back again. Keep under arms, for he + is quite capable of easing you of the rest.” + </p> + <p> + Having said this, the good shepherd took to his heels and ran to the Rue + des Marmouzets, to the house where Captain Cochegrue was feasting with La + Pasquerette, the prettiest of town-girls, and the most charming in + perversity that ever was; according to all the gay ladies, her glance was + sharp and piercing as the stab of a dagger. Her appearance was so tickling + to the sight, that it would have put all Paradise to rout. Besides which + she was as bold as a woman who has no other virtue than her insolence. + Poor Chiquon was greatly embarrassed while going to the quarter of the + Marmouzets. He was greatly afraid that he would be unable to find the + house of La Pasquerette, or find the two pigeons gone to roost, but a good + angel arranged there speedily to his satisfaction. This is how. On + entering the Rue des Marmouzets he saw several lights at the windows and + night-capped heads thrust out, and good wenches, gay girls, housewives, + husbands, and young ladies, all of them are just out of bed, looking at + each other as if a robber were being led to execution by torchlight. + </p> + <p> + “What’s the matter?” said the shepherd to a citizen who in great haste had + rushed to the door with a chamber utensil in his hand. + </p> + <p> + “Oh! it’s nothing,” replied the good man. “We thought it was the Armagnacs + descending upon the town, but it’s only Mau-cinge beating La Pasquerette.” + </p> + <p> + “Where?” asked the shepherd. + </p> + <p> + “Below there, at that fine house where the pillars have the mouths of + flying frogs delicately carved upon them. Do you hear the varlets and the + serving maids?” + </p> + <p> + And in fact there was nothing but cries of “Murder! Help! Come some one!” + and in the house blows raining down and the Mau-cinge said with his gruff + voice: + </p> + <p> + “Death to the wench! Ah, you sing out now, do you? Ah, you want your money + now, do you? Take that—” + </p> + <p> + And La Pasquerette was groaning, “Oh! oh! I die! Help! Help! Oh! oh!” Then + came the blow of a sword and the heavy fall of a light body of the fair + girl sounded, and was followed by a great silence, after which the lights + were put out, servants, waiting women, roysterers, and others went in + again, and the shepherd who had come opportunely mounted the stairs in + company with them, but on beholding in the room above broken glasses, slit + carpets, and the cloth on the floor with the dishes, everyone remained at + a distance. + </p> + <p> + The shepherd, bold as a man with but one end in view, opened the door of + the handsome chamber where slept La Pasquerette, and found her quite + exhausted, her hair dishevelled, and her neck twisted, lying upon a bloody + carpet, and Mau-cinge frightened, with his tone considerably lower, and + not knowing upon what note to sing the remainder of his anthem. + </p> + <p> + “Come, my little Pasquerette, don’t pretend to be dead. Come, let me put + you tidy. Ah! little minx, dead or alive, you look so pretty in your blood + I’m going to kiss you.” Having said which the cunning soldier took her and + threw her upon the bed, but she fell there all of a heap, and stiff as the + body of a man that had been hanged. Seeing which her companion found it + was time for his hump to retire from the game; however, the artful fellow + before slinking away said, “Poor Pasquerette, how could I murder so good + of girl, and one I loved so much? But, yes, I have killed her, the thing + is clear, for in her life never did her sweet breast hang down like that. + Good God, one would say it was a crown at the bottom of a wallet. + Thereupon Pasquerette opened her eyes and then bent her head slightly to + look at her flesh, which was white and firm, and she brought herself to + life by a box on the ears, administered to the captain. + </p> + <p> + “That will teach you to beware of the dead,” said she, smiling. + </p> + <p> + “And why did he kill you, my cousin?” asked the shepherd. + </p> + <p> + “Why? Tomorrow the bailiffs seize everything that’s here, and he who has + no more money than virtue, reproached me because I wished to be agreeable + to a handsome gentlemen, who would save me from the hands of justice. + </p> + <p> + “Pasquerette, I’ll break every bone in your skin.” + </p> + <p> + “There, there!” said Chiquon, whom the Mau-cinge had just recognised, “is + that all? Oh, well, my good friend, I bring you a large sum.” + </p> + <p> + “Where from?” asked the captain, astonished. + </p> + <p> + “Come here, and let me whisper in your ear—if 30,000 crowns were + walking about at night under the shadow of a pear-tree, would you not + stoop down to pluck them, to prevent them spoiling?” + </p> + <p> + “Chiquon, I’ll kill you like a dog if you are making game of me, or I will + kiss you there where you like it, if you will put me opposite 30,000 + crowns, even when it shall be necessary to kill three citizens at the + corner of the Quay.” + </p> + <p> + “You will not even kill one. This is how the matter stands. I have for a + sweetheart in all loyalty, the servant of the Lombard who is in the city + near the house of our good uncle. Now I have just learned on sound + information that this dear man has departed this morning into the country + after having hidden under a pear-tree in his garden a good bushel of gold, + believing himself to be seen only by the angels. But the girl who had by + chance a bad toothache, and was taking the air at her garret window, spied + the old crookshanks, without wishing to do so, and chattered of it to me + in fondness. If you will swear to give me a good share I will lend you my + shoulders in order that you may climb on to the top of the wall and from + there throw yourself into the pear-tree, which is against the wall. There, + now do you say that I am a blockhead, an animal?” + </p> + <p> + “No, you are a right loyal cousin, an honest man, and if you have ever to + put an enemy out off the way, I am there, ready to kill even one of my own + friends for you. I am no longer your cousin, but your brother. Ho there! + sweetheart,” cried Mau-cinge to La Pasquerette, “put the tables straight, + wipe up your blood, it belongs to me, and I’ll pay you for it by giving + you a hundred times as much of mine as I have taken of thine. Make the + best of it, shake the black dog, off your back, adjust your petticoats, + laugh, I wish it, look to the stew, and let us recommence our evening + prayer where we left it off. Tomorrow I’ll make thee braver than a queen. + This is my cousin whom I wish to entertain, even when to do so it were + necessary to turn the house out of windows. We shall get back everything + tomorrow in the cellars. Come, fall to!” + </p> + <p> + Thus, and in less time than it takes a priest to say his Dominus vobiscum, + the whole rookery passed from tears to laughter as it had previously from + laughter to tears. It is only in these houses of ill-fame that love is + made with the blow of a dagger, and where tempests of joy rage between + four walls. But these are things ladies of the high-neck dress do not + understand. + </p> + <p> + The said captain Cochegrue was gay as a hundred schoolboys at the breaking + up of class, and made his good cousin drink deeply, who spilled everything + country fashion, and pretended to be drunk, spluttering out a hundred + stupidities, as, that “tomorrow he would buy Paris, would lend a hundred + thousand crowns to the king, that he would be able to roll in gold;” in + fact, talked so much nonsense that the captain, fearing some compromising + avowal and thinking his brain quite muddled enough, led him outside with + the good intention, instead of sharing with him, of ripping Chiquon open + to see if he had not a sponge in his stomach, because he had just soaked + in a big quart of the good wine of Suresne. They went along, disputing + about a thousand theological subjects which got very much mixed up, and + finished by rolling quietly up against the garden where were the crowns of + the Lombard. Then Cochegrue, making a ladder of Chiquon’s broad shoulders, + jumped on to the pear-tree like a man expert in attacks upon towns, but + Versoris, who was watching him, made a blow at his neck, and repeated it + so vigorously that with three blows fell the upper portion of the said + Cochegrue, but not until he had heard the clear voice of the shepherd, who + cried to him, “Pick up your head, my friend.” Thereupon the generous + Chiquon, in whom virtue received its recompense, thought it would be wise + to return to the house of the good canon, whose heritage was by the grace + of God considerably simplified. Thus he gained the Rue St. + Pierre-Aux-Boeufs with all speed, and soon slept like a new-born baby, no + longer knowing the meaning of the word “cousin-german.” Now, on the morrow + he rose according to the habit of shepherds, with the sun, and came into + his uncle’s room to inquire if he spat white, if he coughed, if he had + slept well; but the old servant told him that the canon, hearing the bells + of St Maurice, the first patron of Notre Dame, ring for matins, he had + gone out of reverence to the cathedral, where all the Chapter were to + breakfast with the Bishop of Paris; upon which Chiquon replied: “Is his + reverence the canon out of his senses thus to disport himself, to catch a + cold, to get rheumatism? Does he wish to die? I’ll light a big fire to + warm him when he returns;” and the good shepherd ran into the room where + the canon generally sat, and to his great astonishment beheld him seated + in his chair. + </p> + <p> + “Ah, ah! What did she mean, that fool of a Bruyette? I knew you were too + well advised to be shivering at this hour in your stall.” + </p> + <p> + The canon said not a word. The shepherd who was like all thinkers, a man + of hidden sense, was quite aware that sometimes old men have strange + crotchets, converse with the essence of occult things, and mumble to + themselves discourses concerning matters not under consideration; so that, + from reverence and great respect for the secret meditations of the canon, + he went and sat down at a distance, and waited the termination of these + dreams; noticing, silently the length of the good man’s nails, which + looked like cobbler’s awls, and looking attentively at the feet of his + uncle, he was astonished to see the flesh of his legs so crimson, that it + reddened his breeches and seemed all on fire through his hose. + </p> + <p> + He is dead, thought Chiquon. At this moment the door of the room opened, + and he still saw the canon, who, his nose frozen, came back from church. + </p> + <p> + “Ho, ho!” said Chiquon, “my dear Uncle, are you out of your senses? Kindly + take notice that you ought not to be at the door, because you are already + seated in your chair in the chimney corner, and that it is impossible for + there to be two canons like you in the world.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! Chiquon, there was a time when I could have wished to be in two + places at once, but such is not the fate of a man, he would be too happy. + Are you getting dim-sighted? I am alone here.” + </p> + <p> + Then Chiquon turned his head towards the chair, and found it empty; and + much astonished, as you will easily believe, he approached it, and found + on the seat a little pat of cinders, from which ascended a strong odour of + sulphur. + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said he merrily, “I perceive that the devil has behaved well towards + me—I will pray God for him.” + </p> + <p> + And thereupon he related naively to the canon how the devil had amused + himself by playing at providence, and had loyally aided him to get rid of + his wicked cousins, the which the canon admired much, and thought very + good, seeing that he had plenty of good sense left, and often had observed + things which were to the devil’s advantage. So the good old priest + remarked that ‘as much good was always met with in evil as evil in good, + and that therefore one should not trouble too much after the other world, + the which was a grave heresy, which many councils have put right’. + </p> + <p> + And this was how the Chiquons became rich, and were able in these times, + by the fortunes of their ancestors, to help to build the bridge of St. + Michael, where the devil cuts a very good figure under the angel, in + memory of this adventure now consigned to these veracious histories. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0010" id="link2H_4_0010"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + THE MERRIE JESTS OF KING LOUIS THE ELEVENTH + </h2> + <p> + King Louis The Eleventh was a merry fellow, loving a good joke, and + —the interests of his position as king, and those of the church on + one side—he lived jovially, giving chase to soiled doves as often as + to hares, and other royal game. Therefore, the sorry scribblers who have + made him out a hypocrite, showed plainly that they knew him not, since he + was a good friend, good at repartee, and a jollier fellow than any of + them. + </p> + <p> + It was he who said when he was in a merry mood, that four things are + excellent and opportune in life—to keep warm, to drink cool, to + stand up hard, and to swallow soft. Certain persons have accused him of + taking up with a dirty trollops; this is a notorious falsehood, since all + his mistresses, of whom one was legitimised, came of good houses and had + notable establishments. He did not go in for waste and extravagance, + always put his hand upon the solid, and because certain devourers of the + people found no crumbs at his table, they have all maligned him. But the + real collector of facts know that the said king was a capital fellow in + private life, and even very agreeable; and before cutting off the heads of + his friends, or punishing them—for he did not spare them—it + was necessary that they should have greatly offended him, and his + vengeance was always justice; I have only seen in our friend Verville that + this worthy sovereign ever made a mistake; but one does not make a habit, + and even for this his boon companion Tristan was more to blame than he, + the king. This is the circumstance related by the said Verville, and I + suspect he was cracking a joke. I reproduce it because certain people are + not familiar with the exquisite work of my perfect compatriot. I abridge + it and only give the substance, the details being more ample, of which + facts the savans are not ignorant. + </p> + +<div class="fig" style="width:35%;"> + <img src="images/121s.jpg" alt="121s " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/121.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a + href="images/121m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + Louis XI. had given the Abbey of Turpenay (mentioned in ‘Imperia’) to a + gentleman who, enjoying the revenue, had called himself Monsieur de + Turpenay. It happened that the king being at Plessis-les-Tours, the real + abbot, who was a monk, came and presented himself before the king, and + presented also a petition, remonstrating with him that, canonically and a + monastically, he was entitled to the abbey and that the usurping gentleman + wronged of his right, and therefore he called upon his majesty to have + justice done to him. Nodding his peruke, the king promised to render him + contented. This monk, importunate as are all hooded animals, came often at + the end of the king’s meals, who, bored with the holy water of the + convent, called friend Tristan and said to him: “Old fellow, there is here + a Turpenay who angers me, rid the world of him for me.” Tristan, taking a + frock for a monk, or a monk for a frock, came to this gentleman, whom all + the court called Monsieur de Turpenay, and having accosted him managed to + lead him to one side, and taking him by the button-hole gave him to + understand that the king desired he should die. He tried to resist, + supplicating and supplicating to escape, but in no way could he obtain a + hearing. He was delicately strangled between the head and shoulders, so + that he expired; and, three hours afterwards, Tristan told the king that + he was discharged. It happened five days afterwards, which is the space in + which souls come back again, that the monk came into the room where the + king was, and when he saw him he was much astonished. Tristan was present: + the king called him, and whispered into his ear— + </p> + <p> + “You have not done that which I told you to.” + </p> + <p> + “Saving your Grace I have done it. Turpenay is dead.” + </p> + <p> + “Eh? I meant this monk.” + </p> + <p> + “I understood the gentleman!” + </p> + <p> + “What, is it done then?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, sire,” + </p> + <p> + “Very well then”—turning towards the monk—“come here, monk.” + The monk approached. The king said to him, “Kneel down!” The poor monk + began to shiver in his shoes. But the king said to him, “Thank God that he + has not willed that you should be killed as I had ordered. He who took + your estates has been instead. God has done you justice. Go and pray God + for me, and don’t stir out of your convent.” + </p> + <p> + The proves the good-heartedness of Louis XI. He might very well have + hanged the monk, the cause of the error. As for the said gentleman, he + died in the king’s service. + </p> + <p> + In the early days of his sojourn at Plessis-les-Tours king Louis, not + wishing to hold his drinking-bouts and give vent to his rakish + propensities in his chateau, out of respect to her Majesty (a kingly + delicacy which his successors have not possessed) became enamoured of a + lady named Nicole Beaupertuys, who was, to tell the truth, wife of a + citizen of the town. The husband he sent into Ponent, and put the said + Nicole in a house near Chardonneret, in that part which is the Rue + Quincangrogne, because it was a lonely place, far from other habitations. + The husband and the wife were thus both in his service, and he had by La + Beaupertuys a daughter, who died a nun. This Nicole had a tongue as sharp + as a popinjay’s, was of stately proportions, furnished with large + beautiful cushions of nature, firm to the touch, white as the wings of an + angel, and known for the rest to be fertile in peripatetic ways, which + brought it to pass that never with her was the same thing encountered + twice in love, so deeply had she studied the sweet solutions of the + science, the manners of accommodating the olives of Poissy, the expansions + of the nerves, and hidden doctrines of the breviary, the which much + delighted the king. She was as gay as a lark, always laughing and singing, + and never made anyone miserable, which is the characteristic of women of + this open and free nature, who have always an occupation—an + equivocal one if you like. The king often went with the hail-fellows his + friends to the lady’s house, and in order not to be seen always went at + night-time, and without his suite. But being always distrustful, and + fearing some snare, he gave to Nicole all the most savage dogs he had in + his kennels, beggars that would eat a man without saying “By your leave,” + the which royal dogs knew only Nicole and the king. When the Sire came + Nicole let them loose in the garden, and the door of the house being + sufficiently barred and closely shut, the king put the keys in his pocket, + and in perfect security gave himself up, with his satellites, to every + kind of pleasure, fearing no betrayal, jumping about at will, playing + tricks, and getting up good games. Upon these occasions friend Tristan + watched the neighbourhood, and anyone who had taken a walk on the Mall of + Chardonneret would be rather quickly placed in a position in which it + would have been easy to give the passers-by a benediction with his feet, + unless he had the king’s pass, since often would Louis send out in search + of lasses for his friends, or people to entertain him with the amusements + suggested by Nicole or the guests. People of Tours were there for these + little amusements, to whom he gently recommended silence, so that no one + knew of these pastimes until after his death. The farce of “<i>Baisez mon + cul</i>” was, it is said, invented by the said Sire. I will relate it, + although it is not the subject of this tale, because it shows the natural + comicality and humour of this merry monarch. They were at Tours three well + known misers: the first was Master Cornelius, who is sufficiently well + known; the second was called Peccard, and sold the gilt-work, coloured + papers, and jewels used in churches; the third was hight Marchandeau, and + was a very wealthy vine-grower. These two men of Touraine were the + founders of good families, notwithstanding their sordidness. One evening + that the king was with Beaupertuys, in a good humour, having drunk + heartily, joked heartily, and offered early in the evening his prayer in + Madame’s oratory, he said to Le Daim his crony, to the Cardinal, La Balue, + and to old Dunois, who were still soaking, “Let us have a good laugh! I + think it will be a good joke to see misers before a bag of gold without + being able to touch it. Hi, there!” + </p> + <p> + Hearing which, appeared one of his varlets. + </p> + <p> + “Go,” said he, “seek my treasurer, and let him bring hither six thousand + gold crowns—and at once! And you will go and seize the bodies of my + friend Cornelius, of the jeweller of the Rue de Cygnes, and of old + Marchandeau, and bring them here, by order of the king.” + </p> + <p> + Then he began to drink again, and to judiciously wrangle as to which was + the better, a woman with a gamy odour or a woman who soaped herself well + all over; a thin one or a stout one; and as the company comprised the + flower of wisdom it was decided that the best was the one a man had all to + himself like a plate of warm mussels, at that precise moment when God sent + him a good idea to communicate to her. The cardinal asked which was the + most precious thing to a lady; the first or the last kiss? To which La + Beaupertuys replied: “that it was the last, seeing that she knew then what + she was losing, while at the first she did not know what she would gain.” + During these sayings, and others which have most unfortunately been lost, + came the six thousand gold crowns, which were worth all three hundred + thousand francs of to-day, so much do we go on decreasing in value every + day. The king ordered the crowns to be arranged upon a table, and well + lighted up, so that they shone like the eyes of the company which lit up + involuntarily, and made them laugh in spite of themselves. They did not + wait long for the three misers, whom the varlet led in, pale and panting, + except Cornelius, who knew the king’s strange freaks. + </p> + <p> + “Now then, my friends,” said Louis to them, “have a good look at the + crowns on the table.” + </p> + <p> + And the three townsmen nibbled at them with their eyes. You may reckon + that the diamond of La Beaupertuys sparkled less than their little minnow + eyes. + </p> + <p> + “These are yours,” added the king. + </p> + <p> + Thereupon they ceased to admire the crowns to look at each other; and the + guests knew well that old knaves are more expert in grimaces than any + others, because of their physiognomies becoming tolerably curious, like + those of cats lapping up milk, or girls titillated with marriage. + </p> + <p> + “There,” said the king, “all that shall be his who shall say three times + to the two others, ‘<i>Baisez mon cul</i>’, thrusting his hand into the + gold; but if he be not as serious as a fly who had violated his lady-love, + if he smile while repeating the jest, he will pay ten crowns to Madame. + Nevertheless he can essay three times.” + </p> + <p> + “That will soon be earned,” said Cornelius, who, being a Dutchman, had his + lips as often compressed and serious as Madame’s mouth was often open and + laughing. Then he bravely put his hands on the crowns to see if they were + good, and clutched them bravely, but as he looked at the others to say + civilly to them, “<i>Baisez mon cul</i>,” the two misers, distrustful of + his Dutch gravity, replied, “Certainly, sir,” as if he had sneezed. The + which caused all the company to laugh, and even Cornelius himself. When + the vine-grower went to take the crowns he felt such a commotion in his + cheeks that his old scummer face let little laughs exude from its pores + like smoke pouring out of a chimney, and he could say nothing. Then it was + the turn of the jeweller, who was a little bit of a bantering fellow, and + whose lips were as tightly squeezed as the neck of a hanged man. He seized + a handful of the crowns, looked at the others, even the king, and said, + with a jeering air, “<i>Baisez mon cul</i>.” + </p> + <p> + “Is it dirty?” asked the vine-dresser. + </p> + <p> + “Look and see,” replied the jeweller, gravely. + </p> + <p> + Thereupon the king began to tremble for these crowns, since the said + Peccard began again, without laughing, and for the third time was about to + utter the sacramental word, when La Beaupertuys made a sign of consent to + his modest request, which caused him to lose his countenance, and his + mouth broke up into dimples. + </p> + <p> + “How did you do it?” asked Dunois, “to keep a grave face before six + thousand crowns?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, my lord, I thought first of one of my cases which is tried tomorrow, + and secondly, of my wife who is a sorry plague.” + </p> + <p> + The desire to gain this good round sum made them try again, and the king + amused himself for about an hour at the expression of these faces, the + preparations, jokes, grimaces, and other monkey’s paternosters that they + performed; but they were bailing their boats with a sieve, and for men who + preferred closing their fists to opening them it was a bitter sorrow to + have to count out, each one, a hundred crown to Madame. + </p> + <p> + When they were gone, and Nicole said boldly to the king, “Sire will you + let me try?” + </p> + <p> + “Holy Virgin!” replied Louis; “no! I can kiss you for less money.” + </p> + <p> + That was said like a thrifty man, which indeed he always was. + </p> + <p> + One evening the fat Cardinal La Balue carried on gallantly with words and + actions, a little farther than the canons of the Church permitted him, + with this Beaupertuys, who luckily for herself, was a clever hussy, not to + be asked with impunity how many holes there were in her mother’s chemise. + </p> + <p> + “Look you here, Sir Cardinal!” said she; “the thing which the king likes + is not to receive the holy oils.” + </p> + <p> + Then came Oliver le Daim, whom she would not listen to either, and to + whose nonsense she replied, that she would ask the king if he wished her + to be shaved. + </p> + <p> + Now as the said shaver did not supplicate her to keep his proposals + secret, she suspected that these little plots were ruses practised by the + king, whose suspicions had perhaps been aroused by her friends. Now, for + being able to revenge herself upon Louis, she at least determined to pay + out the said lords, to make fools of them, and amuse the king with the + tricks she would play upon them. One evening that they had come to supper, + she had a lady of the city with her, who wished to speak with the king. + This lady was a lady of position, who wished asked the king pardon for her + husband, the which, in consequence of this adventure, she obtained. Nicole + Beaupertuys having led the king aside for a moment into an antechamber, + told him to make their guests drink hard and eat to repletion; that he was + to make merry and joke with them; but when the cloth was removed, he was + to pick quarrels with them about trifles, dispute their words, and be + sharp with them; and that she would then divert him by turning them inside + out before him. But above all things, he was to be friendly to the said + lady, and it was to appear as genuine, as if she enjoyed the perfume of + his favour, because she had gallantly lent herself to this good joke. + </p> + <p> + “Well, gentlemen,” said the king, re-entering the room, “let us fall to; + we have had a good day’s sport.” + </p> + <p> + And the surgeon, the cardinal, a fat bishop, the captain of the Scotch + Guard, a parliamentary envoy, and a judge loved of the king, followed the + two ladies into the room where one rubs the rust off one’s jaw bones. And + there they lined the mold of their doublets. What is that? It is to pave + the stomach, to practice the chemistry of nature, to register the various + dishes, to regale your tripes, to dig your grave with your teeth, play + with the sword of Cain, to inter sauces, to support a cuckold. But more + philosophically it is to make ordure with one’s teeth. Now, do you + understand? How many words does it require to burst open the lid of your + understanding? + </p> + <p> + The king did not fail to distill into his guests this splendid and + first-class supper. He stuffed them with green peas, returning to the + hotch-potch, praising the plums, commending the fish, saying to one, “Why + do you not eat?” to another, “Drink to Madame”; to all of them, + “Gentlemen, taste these lobsters; put this bottle to death! You do not + know the flavour of this forcemeat. And these lampreys—ah! what do + you say to them? And by the Lord! The finest barbel ever drawn from the + Loire! Just stick your teeth into this pastry. This game is my own + hunting; he who takes it not offends me.” And again, “Drink, the king’s + eyes are the other way. Just give your opinion of these preserves, they + are Madame’s own. Have some of these grapes, they are my own growing. Have + some medlars.” And while inducing them to swell out their abdominal + protuberances, the good monarch laughed with them, and they joked and + disputed, and spat, and blew their noses, and kicked up just as though the + king had not been with them. Then so much victuals had been taken on + board, so many flagons drained and stews spoiled, that the faces of the + guests were the colour of cardinals gowns, and their doublets appeared + ready to burst, since they were crammed with meat like Troyes sausages + from the top to the bottom of their paunches. Going into the saloon again, + they broke into a profuse sweat, began to blow, and to curse their + gluttony. The king sat quietly apart; each of them was the more willing to + be silent because all their forces were required for the intestinal + digestion of the huge platefuls confined in their stomachs, which began to + wabble and rumble violently. One said to himself, “I was stupid to eat of + that sauce.” Another scolded himself for having indulged in a plate of + eels cooked with capers. Another thought to himself, “Oh! oh! The + forcemeat is serving me out.” The cardinal, who was the biggest bellied + man of the lot, snorted through his nostrils like a frightened horse. It + was he who was first compelled to give vent to a loud sounding belch, and + then he soon wished himself in Germany, where this is a form of + salutation, for the king hearing this gastric language looked at the + cardinal with knitted brows. + </p> + <p> + “What does this mean?” said he, “am I a simple clerk?” + </p> + <p> + This was heard with terror, because usually the king made much of a good + belch well off the stomach. The other guests determined to get rid in + another way of the vapours which were dodging about in their pancreatic + retorts; and at first they endeavoured to hold them for a little while in + the pleats of their mesenteries. It was then that some of them puffed and + swelled like tax-gatherers. Beaupertuys took the good king aside and said + to him— + </p> + <p> + “Know now that I have had made by the Church jeweller Peccard, two large + dolls, exactly resembling this lady and myself. Now when hard-pressed by + the drugs which I have put in their goblets, they desire to mount the + throne to which we are now about to pretend to go, they will always find + the place taken; by this means you will enjoy their writhings.” + </p> + <p> + Thus having said, La Beaupertuys disappeared with the lady to go and turn + the wheel, after the custom of women, and of which I will tell you the + origin in another place. And after an honest lapse of water, Beaupertuys + came back alone, leaving it to be believed that she had left the lady at + the little laboratory of natural alchemy. Thereupon the king, singling out + the cardinal, made him get up, and talked with him seriously of his + affairs, holding him by the tassel of his amice. To all that the king + said, La Balue replied, “Yes, sir,” to be delivered from this favour, and + slip out of the room, since the water was in his cellars, and he was about + to lose the key of his back-door. All the guests were in a state of not + knowing how to arrest the progress of the fecal matter to which nature has + given, even more than to water, the property of finding a certain level. + Their substances modified themselves and glided working downward, like + those insects who demand to be let out of their cocoons, raging, + tormenting, and ungrateful to the higher powers; for nothing is so + ignorant, so insolent as those cursed objects, and they are importunate + like all things detained to whom one owes liberty. So they slipped at + every turn like eels out of a net, and each one had need of great efforts + and science not to disgrace himself before the king. Louis took great + pleasure in interrogating his guests, and was much amused with the + vicissitudes of their physiognomies, on which were reflected the dirty + grimaces of their writhings. The counsellor of justice said to Oliver, “I + would give my office to be behind a hedge for half a dozen seconds.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, there is no enjoyment to equal a good stool; and now I am no longer + astonished at sempiternal droppings of a fly,” replied the surgeon. + </p> + <p> + The cardinal believing that the lady had obtained her receipt from the + bank of deposit, left the tassels of his girdle in the king’s hand, making + a start as if he had forgotten to say his prayers, and made his way + towards the door. + </p> + <p> + “What is the matter with you, Monsieur le Cardinal?” said the king. + </p> + <p> + “By my halidame, what is the matter with me? It appears that all your + affairs are very extensive, sire!” + </p> + <p> + The cardinal had slipped out, leaving the others astonished at his + cunning. He proceeded gloriously towards the lower room, loosening a + little the strings of his purse; but when he opened the blessed little + door he found the lady at her functions upon the throne, like a pope about + to be consecrated. Then restraining his impatience, he descended the + stairs to go into the garden. However, on the last steps the barking of + the dogs put him in great fear of being bitten in one of his precious + hemispheres; and not knowing where to deliver himself of his chemical + produce he came back into the room, shivering like a man who has been in + the open air! The others seeing the cardinal return, imagined that he had + emptied his natural reservoirs, unburdened his ecclesiastical bowels, and + believed him happy. Then the surgeon rose quickly, as if to take note of + the tapestries and count the rafters, but gained the door before anyone + else, and relaxing his sphincter in advance, he hummed a tune on his way + to the retreat; arrived there he was compelled, like La Balue, to murmur + words of excuse to this student of perpetual motion, shutting the door + with as promptitude as he opened it; and he came back burdened with an + accumulation which seriously impeded his private channels. And in the same + way went to guests one after the other, without being able to unburden + themselves of their sauces, as soon again found themselves all in the + presence of Louis the Eleventh, as much distressed as before, looking at + each other slyly, understanding each other better with their tails than + they ever understood with their mouths, for there is never any equivoque + in the transactions of the parts of nature, and everything therein is + rational and of easy comprehension, seeing that it is a science which we + learn at our birth. + </p> + <p> + “I believe,” said the cardinal to the surgeon, “that lady will go on until + to-morrow. What was La Beaupertuys about to ask such a case of diarrhoea + here?” + </p> + <p> + “She’s been an hour working at what I could get done in a minute. May the + fever seize her” cried Oliver le Daim. + </p> + <p> + All the courtiers seized with colic were walking up and down to make their + importunate matters patient, when the said lady reappeared in the room. + You can believe they found her beautiful and graceful, and would willingly + have kissed her, there where they so longed to go; and never did they + salute the day with more favour than this lady, the liberator of the poor + unfortunate bodies. La Balue rose; the others, from honour, esteem, and + reverence of the church, gave way to the clergy, and, biding their time, + they continued to make grimaces, at which the king laughed to himself with + Nicole, who aided him to stop the respiration of these loose-bowelled + gentlemen. The good Scotch captain, who more than all the others had eaten + of a dish in which the cook had put an aperient powder, became the victim + of misplaced confidence. He went ashamed into a corner, hoping that before + the king, his mishap might escape detection. At this moment the cardinal + returned horribly upset, because he had found La Beaupertuys on the + episcopal seat. Now, in his torments, not knowing if she were in the room, + he came back and gave vent to a diabolical “Oh!” on beholding her near his + master. + </p> + <p> + “What do you mean?” exclaimed the king, looking at the priest in a way to + give him the fever. + </p> + <p> + “Sire,” said La Balue, insolently, “the affairs of purgatory are in my + ministry, and I am bound to inform you that there is sorcery going on in + this house.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! little priest, you wish to make game of me!” said the king. + </p> + <p> + At these words the company were in a terrible state. + </p> + <p> + “So you treat me with disrespect?” said the king, which made them turn + pale. “Ho, there! Tristan, my friend!” cried Louis XI. from the window, + which he threw up suddenly, “come up here!” + </p> + <p> + The grand provost of the hotel was not long before he appeared; and as + these gentlemen were all nobodies, raised to their present position by the + favour of the king, Louis, in a moment of anger, could crush them at will; + so that with the exception of the cardinal who relied upon his cassock, + Tristan found them all rigid and aghast. + </p> + <p> + “Conduct these gentleman to the Pretorium, on the Mall, my friend, they + have disgraced themselves through over-eating.” + </p> + <p> + “Am I not good at jokes?” said Nicole to him. + </p> + <p> + “The farce is good, but it is fetid,” replied he, laughing. + </p> + <p> + This royal answer showed the courtiers that this time the king did not + intend to play with their heads, for which they thanked heaven. The + monarch was partial to these dirty tricks. He was not at all a bad fellow, + as the guests remarked while relieving themselves against the side of the + Mall with Tristan, who, like a good Frenchman, kept them company, and + escorted them to their homes. This is why since that time the citizens of + Tours had never failed to defile the Mall of Chardonneret, because the + gentlemen of the court had been there. + </p> + <p> + I will not leave this great king without committing to writing this good + joke which he played upon La Godegrand, who was an old maid, much + disgusted that she had not, during the forty years she had lived, been + able to find a lid to her saucepan, enraged, in her yellow skin, that she + still was as virgin as a mule. This old maid had her apartments on the + other side of the house which belonged to La Beaupertuys, at the corner of + the Rue de Hierusalem, in such a position that, standing on the balcony + joining the wall, it was easy to see what she was doing, and hear what she + was saying in the lower room where she lived; and often the king derived + much amusement from the antics of the old girl, who did not know that she + was so much within the range of his majesty’s culverin. Now one market day + it happened that the king had caused to be hanged a young citizen of + Tours, who had violated a noble lady of a certain age, believing that she + was a young maiden. There would have been no harm in this, and it would + have been a thing greatly to the credit of the said lady to have been + taken for a virgin; but on finding out his mistake, he had abominably + insulted her, and suspecting her of trickery, had taken it into his head + to rob her of a splendid silver goblet, in payment of the present he had + just made her. This young man had long hair, and was so handsome that the + whole town wished to see him hanged, both from regret and out of + curiosity. You may be sure that at this hanging there were more caps than + hats. Indeed, the said young man swung very well; and after the fashion + and custom of persons hanged, he died gallantly with his lance couched, + which fact made a great noise in the town. Many ladies said on this + subject that it was a murder not to have preserved so fine a fellow from + the scaffold. + </p> + <p> + “Suppose we were to put this handsome corpse in the bed of La Godegrand,” + said La Beaupertuys to the king. + </p> + <p> + “We should terrify her,” replied Louis. + </p> + <p> + “Not at all, sire. Be sure that she will welcome even a dead man, so madly + does she long for a living one. Yesterday I saw her making love to a young + man’s cap placed on the top of a chair, and you would have laughed + heartily at her words and gestures.” + </p> + <p> + Now while this forty-year-old virgin was at vespers, the king sent to have + this young townsman, who had just finished the last scene of his tragic + farce, taken down, and having dressed him in a white shirt, two officers + got over the walls of La Godegrand’s garden, and put the corpse into her + bed, on the side nearest the street. Having done this they went away, and + the king remained in the room with the balcony to it, playing with + Beaupertuys, and awaiting an hour at which the old maid should go to bed. + La Godegrand soon came back with a hop, skip, and jump, as the Tourainians + say, from the church of St Martin, from which she was not far, since the + Rue de Hierusalem touches the walls of the cloister. She entered her + house, laid down her prayer-book, chaplet, and rosary, and other + ammunition which these old girls carry, then poked the fire, and blew it, + warmed herself at it, settled herself in her chair, and played with her + cat for want of something better; then she went to the larder, supping and + sighing, and sighing and supping, eating alone, with her eyes cast down + upon the carpet; and after having drunk, behaved in a manner forbidden in + court society. + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” the corpse said to her, “‘<i>God bless you</i>!’” + </p> + <p> + At this joke of luck of La Beaupertuys, both laughed heartily in their + sleeves. And with great attention this very Christian king watched the + undressing of the old maid, who admired herself while removing her things—pulling + out a hair, or scratching a pimple which had maliciously come upon her + nose; picking her teeth, and doing a thousand little things which, alas! + all ladies, virgins or not, are obliged to do, much to their annoyance; + but without these little faults of nature, they would be too proud, and + one would not be able to enjoy their society. Having achieved her aquatic + and musical discourse, the old maid got in between the sheets, and yelled + forth a fine, great, ample, and curious cry, when she saw, when she smelt + the fresh vigour of this hanged man and the sweet perfume of his manly + youth; then sprang away from him out of coquetry. But as she did not know + he was really dead, she came back again, believing he was mocking her, and + counterfeiting death. + </p> + <p> + “Go away, you bad young man!” said she. + </p> + <p> + But you can imagine that she proffered this requests in a most humble and + gracious tone of voice. Then seeing that he did not move, she examined him + more closely, and was much astonished at this so fine human nature when + she recognised the young fellow, upon whom the fancy took her to perform + some purely scientific experiments in the interests of hanged persons. + </p> + <p> + “What is she doing?” said La Beaupertuys to the king. + </p> + <p> + “She is trying to reanimate him. It is a work of Christian humanity.” + </p> + <p> + And the old girl rubbed and warmed this fine young man, supplicating holy + Mary the Egyptian to aid her to renew the life of this husband who had + fallen so amorously from heaven, when, suddenly looking at the dead body + she was so charitably rubbing, she thought she saw a slight movement in + the eyes; then she put her hand upon the man’s heart, and felt it beat + feebly. At length, from the warmth of the bed and of affection, and by the + temperature of old maids, which is by far more burning then the warm + blasts of African deserts, she had the delight of bringing to life that + fine handsome young fellow who by lucky chance had been very badly hanged. + </p> + <p> + “See how my executioners serve me!” said Louis, laughing. + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said La Beaupertuys, “you will not have him hanged again? he is too + handsome.” + </p> + <p> + “The decree does not say that he shall be hanged twice, but he shall marry + the old woman.” + </p> + <p> + Indeed, the good lady went in a great hurry to seek a master leech, a good + bleeder, who lived in the Abbey, and brought him back directly. He + immediately took his lancet, and bled the young man. And as no blood came + out: “Ah!” said he, “it is too late, the transshipment of blood in the + lungs has taken place.” + </p> + <p> + But suddenly this good young blood oozed out a little, and then came out + in abundance, and the hempen apoplexy, which had only just begun, was + arrested in its course. The young man moved and came more to life; then he + fell, from natural causes, into a state of great weakness and profound + sadness, prostration of flesh and general flabbiness. Now the old maid, + who was all eyes, and followed the great and notable changes which were + taking place in the person of this badly hanged man, pulled the surgeon by + the sleeve, and pointing out to him, by a curious glance of the eye, the + piteous cause, said to him— + </p> + <p> + “Will he for the future be always like that?” + </p> + <p> + “Often,” replied the veracious surgeon. + </p> + <p> + “Oh! he was much nicer hanged!” + </p> + <p> + At this speech the king burst out laughing. Seeing him at the window, the + woman and the surgeon were much frightened, for this laugh seemed to them + a second sentence of death for their poor victim. But the king kept his + word, and married them. And in order to do justice he gave the husband the + name of the Sieur de Mortsauf in the place of the one he had lost upon the + scaffold. As La Godegrand had a very big basket of crowns, they founded a + good family in Touraine, which still exists and is much respected, since + M. de Mortsauf faithfully served Louis the Eleventh on different + occasions. Only he never liked to come across gibbets or old women, and + never again made amorous assignations in the night. + </p> + <p> + This teaches us to thoroughly verify and recognise women, and not to + deceive ourselves in the local difference which exists between the old and + the young, for if we are not hanged for our errors of love, there are + always great risks to run. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0011" id="link2H_4_0011"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + +<div class="fig" style="width:35%;"> + <img src="images/137s.jpg" alt="137s " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/137.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a + href="images/137m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a> + </h4> + <h2> + THE HIGH CONSTABLE’S WIFE + </h2> + <p> + The high constable of Armagnac espoused from the desire of a great + fortune, the Countess Bonne, who was already considerably enamoured of + little Savoisy, son of the chamberlain to his majesty King Charles the + Sixth. + </p> + <p> + The constable was a rough warrior, miserable in appearance, tough in skin, + thickly bearded, always uttering angry words, always busy hanging people, + always in the sweat of battles, or thinking of other stratagems than those + of love. Thus the good soldier, caring little to flavour the marriage + stew, used his charming wife after the fashion of a man with more lofty + ideas; of the which the ladies have a great horror, since they like not + the joists of the bed to be the sole judges of their fondling and vigorous + conduct. + </p> + <p> + Now the lovely Countess, as soon as she was grafted on the constable, only + nibbled more eagerly at the love with which her heart was laden for the + aforesaid Savoisy, which that gentleman clearly perceived. + </p> + <p> + Wishing both to study the same music, they would soon harmonise their + fancies, and decipher the hieroglyphic; and this was a thing clearly + demonstrated to the Queen Isabella, that Savoisy’s horses were oftener + stabled at the house of her cousin of Armagnac than in the Hotel St. Pol, + where the chamberlain lived, since the destruction of his residence, + ordered by the university, as everyone knows. + </p> + <p> + This discreet and wise princess, fearing in advance some unfortunate + adventure for Bonne—the more so as the constable was as ready to + brandish his broadsword as a priest to bestow benedictions—the said + queen, as sharp as a dirk, said one day, while coming out from vespers, to + her cousin, who was taking the holy water with Savoisy— + </p> + <p> + “My dear, don’t you see some blood in that water?” + </p> + <p> + “Bah!” said Savoisy to the queen. “Love likes blood, Madame.” + </p> + <p> + This the Queen considered a good reply, and put it into writing, and later + on, into action, when her lord the king wounded one of her lovers, whose + business you see settled in this narrative. + </p> + <p> + You know by constant experience, that in the early time of love each of + two lovers is always in great fear of exposing the mystery of the heart, + and as much from the flower of prudence as from the amusement yielded by + the sweet tricks of gallantry they play at who can best conceal their + thoughts, but one day of forgetfulness suffices to inter the whole + virtuous past. The poor woman is taken in her joy as in a lasso; her + sweetheart proclaims his presence, or sometimes his departure, by some + article of clothing—a scarf, a spur, left by some fatal chance, and + there comes a stroke of the dagger that severs the web so gallantly woven + by their golden delights. But when one is full of days, he should not make + a wry face at death, and the sword of a husband is a pleasant death for a + gallant, if there be pleasant deaths. So may be this will finish the merry + amours of the constable’s wife. + </p> + +<div class="fig" style="width:35%;"> + <img src="images/143s.jpg" alt="143s " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/143.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a + href="images/143m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + One morning Monsieur d’Armagnac having lots of leisure time in consequence + of the flight of the Duke of Burgundy, who was quitting Lagny, thought he + would go and wish his lady good day, and attempted to wake her up in a + pleasant enough fashion, so that she should not be angry; but she sunk in + the heavy slumbers of the morning, replied to the action— + </p> + <p> + “Leave me alone, Charles!” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, oh,” said the constable, hearing the name of a saint who was not one + of his patrons, “I have a Charles on my head!” + </p> + <p> + Then, without touching his wife, he jumped out of the bed, and ran + upstairs with his face flaming and his sword drawn, to the place where + slept the countess’s maid-servant, convinced that the said servant had a + finger in the pie. + </p> + <p> + “Ah, ah, wench of hell!” cried he, to commence the discharge of his + passion, “say thy prayers, for I intend to kill thee instantly, because of + the secret practices of Charles who comes here.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah, Monseigneur,” replied the woman, “who told you that?” + </p> + <p> + “Stand steady, that I may rip thee at one blow if you do not confess to me + every assignation given, and in what manner they have been arranged. If + thy tongue gets entangled, if thou falterest, I will pierce thee with my + dagger!” + </p> + <p> + “Pierce me through!” replied the girl; “you will learn nothing.” + </p> + <p> + The constable, having taken this excellent reply amiss, ran her through on + the spot, so mad was he with rage; and came back into his wife’s chamber + and said to his groom, whom, awakened by the shrieks of the girl, he met + upon the stairs, “Go upstairs; I’ve corrected Billette rather severely.” + </p> + <p> + Before he reappeared in the presence of Bonne he went to fetch his son, + who was sleeping like a child, and led him roughly into her room. The + mother opened her eyes pretty widely, you may imagine—at the cries + of her little one; and was greatly terrified at seeing him in the hands of + her husband, who had his right hand all bloody, and cast a fierce glance + on the mother and son. + </p> + <p> + “What is the matter?” said she. + </p> + <p> + “Madame,” asked the man of quick execution, “this child, is he the fruit + of my loins, or those of Savoisy, your lover?” + </p> + <p> + At this question Bonne turned pale, and sprang upon her son like a + frightened frog leaping into the water. + </p> + <p> + “Ah, he is really ours,” said she. + </p> + <p> + “If you do not wish to see his head roll at your feet confess yourself to + me, and no prevarication. You have given me a lieutenant.” + </p> + <p> + “Indeed!” + </p> + <p> + “Who is he?” + </p> + <p> + “It is not Savoisy, and I will never say the name of a man that I don’t + know.” + </p> + <p> + Thereupon the constable rose, took his wife by the arm to cut her speech + with a blow of the sword, but she, casting upon him an imperial glance, + cried— + </p> + <p> + “Kill me if you will, but touch me not.” + </p> + <p> + “You shall live,” replied the husband, “because I reserve you for a + chastisement more ample then death.” + </p> + <p> + And doubting the inventions, snares, arguments, and artifices familiar to + women in these desperate situations, of which they study night and day the + variations, by themselves, or between themselves, he departed with this + rude and bitter speech. He went instantly to interrogate his servants, + presenting to them a face divinely terrible; so all of them replied to him + as they would to God the Father on the Judgment Day, when each of us will + be called to his account. + </p> + <p> + None of them knew the serious mischief which was at the bottom of these + summary interrogations and crafty interlocutions; but from all that they + said, the constable came to the conclusion that no male in his house was + in the business, except one of his dogs, whom he found dumb, and to whom + he had given the post of watching the gardens; so taking him in his hands, + he strangled him with rage. This fact incited him by induction to suppose + that the other constable came into his house by the garden, of which the + only entrance was a postern opening on to the water side. + </p> + <p> + It is necessary to explain to those who are ignorant of it, the locality + of the Hotel d’Armagnac, which had a notable situation near to the royal + houses of St. Pol. On this site has since been built the hotel of + Longueville. Then as at the present time, the residence of d’Armagnac had + a porch of fine stone in Rue St. Antoine, was fortified at all points, and + the high walls by the river side, in face of the Ile du Vaches, in the + part where now stands the port of La Greve, were furnished with little + towers. The design of these has for a long time been shown at the house of + Cardinal Duprat, the king’s Chancellor. The constable ransacked his + brains, and at the bottom, from his finest stratagems, drew the best, and + fitted it so well to the present case, that the gallant would be certain + to be taken like a hare in the trap. “‘Sdeath,” said he, “my planter of + horns is taken, and I have the time now to think how I shall finish him + off.” + </p> + <p> + Now this is the order of battle which this grand hairy captain who waged + such glorious war against Duke Jean-sans-Peur commanded for the assault of + his secret enemy. He took a goodly number of his most loyal and adroit + archers, and placed them on the quay tower, ordering them under the + heaviest penalties to draw without distinction of persons, except his + wife, on those of his household who should attempt to leave the gardens, + and to admit therein, either by night or by day, the favoured gentleman. + The same was done on the porch side, in the Rue St Antoine. + </p> + <p> + The retainers, even the chaplain, were ordered not to leave the house + under pain of death. Then the guard of the two sides of the hotel having + been committed to the soldiers of a company of ordnance, who were ordered + to keep a sharp lookout in the side streets, it was certain that the + unknown lover to whom the constable was indebted for his pair of horns, + would be taken warm, when, knowing nothing, he should come at the + accustomed hour of love to insolently plant his standard in the heart of + the legitimate appurtenances of the said lord count. + </p> + <p> + It was a trap into which the most expert man would fall unless he was + seriously protected by the fates, as was the good St. Peter by the Saviour + when he prevented him going to the bottom of the sea the day when they had + a fancy to try if the sea were as solid as terra firma. + </p> + <p> + The constable had business with the inhabitants of Poissy, and was obliged + to be in the saddle after dinner, so that, knowing his intention, the poor + Countess Bonne determined at night to invite her young gallant to that + charming duel in which she was always the stronger. + </p> + <p> + While the constable was making round his hotel a girdle of spies and of + death, and hiding his people near the postern to seize the gallant as he + came out, not knowing where he would spring from, his wife was not amusing + herself by threading peas nor seeking black cows in the embers. First, the + maid-servant who had been stuck, unstuck herself and dragged herself to + her mistress; she told her that her outraged lord knew nothing, and that + before giving up the ghost she would comfort her dear mistress by assuring + her that she could have perfect confidence in her sister, who was + laundress in the hotel, and was willing to let herself be chopped up as + small as sausage-meat to please Madame. That she was the most adroit and + roguish woman in the neighbourhood, and renowned from the council chamber + to the Trahoir cross among the common people, and fertile in invention for + the desperate cases of love. + </p> + <p> + Then, while weeping for the decease of her good chamber woman, the + countess sent for the laundress, made her leave her tubs and join her in + rummaging the bag of good tricks, wishing to save Savoisy, even at the + price of her future salvation. + </p> + <p> + First of all the two women determined to let him know their lord and + master’s suspicion, and beg him to be careful. + </p> + <p> + Now behold the good washerwoman who, carrying her tub like a mule, + attempts to leave the hotel. But at the porch she found a man-at-arms who + turned a deaf ear to all the blandishments of the wash-tub. Then she + resolved, from her great devotion, to take the soldier on his weak side, + and she tickled him so with her fondling that he romped very well with + her, although he was armour-plated ready for battle; but when the game was + over he still refused to let her go into the street and although she tried + to get herself a passport sealed by some of the handsomest, believing them + more gallant: neither the archers, men-at-arms, nor others, dared open for + her the smallest entrance of the house. “You are wicked and ungrateful + wretches,” said she, “not to render me a like service.” + </p> + <p> + Luckily at this employment she learned everything, and came back in great + haste to her mistress, to whom she recounted the strange machinations of + the count. The two women held a fresh council and had not considered, the + time it takes to sing <i>Alleluia</i>, twice, these warlike appearances, + watches, defences, and equivocal, specious, and diabolical orders and + dispositions before they recognised by the sixth sense with which all + females are furnished, the special danger which threatened the poor lover. + </p> + <p> + Madame having learned that she alone had leave to quit the house, ventured + quickly to profit by her right, but she did not go the length of a + bow-shot, since the constable had ordered four of his pages to be always + on duty ready to accompany the countess, and two of the ensigns of his + company not to leave her. Then the poor lady returned to her chamber, + weeping as much as all the Magdalens one sees in the church pictures, + could weep together. + </p> + <p> + “Alas!” said she, “my lover must then be killed, and I shall never see him + again! . . . he whose words were so sweet, whose manners were so graceful, + that lovely head that had so often rested on my knees, will now be bruised + . . . What! Can I not throw to my husband an empty and valueless head in + place of the one full of charms and worth . . . a rank head for a + sweet-smelling one; a hated head for a head of love.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah, Madame!” cried the washerwoman, “suppose we dress up in the garments + of a nobleman, the steward’s son who is mad for me, and wearies me much, + and having thus accoutered him, we push him out through the postern.” + </p> + <p> + Thereupon the two women looked at each other with assassinating eyes. + </p> + <p> + “This marplot,” said she, “once slain, all those soldiers will fly away + like geese.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, but will not the count recognise the wretch?” + </p> + <p> + And the countess, striking her breast, exclaimed, shaking her head, “No, + no, my dear, here it is noble blood that must be spilt without stint.” + </p> + <p> + Then she thought a little, and jumping with joy, suddenly kissed the + laundress, saying, “Because I have saved my lover’s life by your counsel, + I will pay you for his life until death.” + </p> + <p> + Thereupon the countess dried her tears, put on the face of a bride, took + her little bag and a prayer-book, and went towards the Church of St. Pol + whose bells she heard ringing, seeing that the last Mass was about to be + said. In this sweet devotion the countess never failed, being a showy + woman, like all the ladies of the court. Now this was called the + full-dress Mass, because none but fops, fashionables, young gentlemen and + ladies puffed out and highly scented, were to be met there. In fact no + dresses was seen there without armorial bearings, and no spurs that were + not gilt. + </p> + <p> + So the Countess of Bonne departed, leaving at the hotel the laundress much + astonished, and charged to keep her eyes about her, and came with great + pomp to the church, accompanied by her pages, the two ensigns and + men-at-arms. It is here necessary to say that among the band of gallant + knights who frisked round the ladies in church, the countess had more than + one whose joy she was, and who had given his heart to her, after the + fashion of youths who put down enough and to spare upon their tablets, + only in order to make a conquest of at least one out of a great number. + </p> + <p> + Among these birds of fine prey who with open beaks looked oftener between + the benches and the paternosters than towards the altar and the priests, + there was one upon whom the countess sometimes bestowed the charity of a + glance, because he was less trifling and more deeply smitten than all the + others. + </p> + <p> + This one remained bashful, always stuck against the same pillar, never + moving from it, but readily ravished with the sight alone of this lady + whom he had chosen as his. His pale face was softly melancholy. His + physiognomy gave proof of fine heart, one of those which nourish ardent + passions and plunge delightedly into the despairs of love without hope. Of + these people there are few, because ordinarily one likes more a certain + thing than the unknown felicities lying and flourishing at the bottommost + depths of the soul. + </p> + <p> + This said gentleman, although his garments were well made, and clean and + neat, having even a certain amount of taste shown in the arrangement, + seemed to the constable’s wife to be a poor knight seeking fortune, and + come from afar, with his nobility for his portion. Now partly from a + suspicion of his secret poverty, partly because she was well beloved by + him and a little because he had a good countenance, fine black hair, and a + good figure, and remained humble and submissive in all, the constable’s + wife desired for him the favour of women and of fortune, not to let his + gallantry stand idle, and from a good housewifely idea, she fired his + imagination according to her fantasies, by certain small favours and + little looks which serpented towards him like biting adders, trifling with + the happiness of this young life, like a princess accustomed to play with + objects more precious than a simple knight. In fact, her husband risked + the whole kingdom as you would a penny at piquet. Finally it was only + three days since, at the conclusion of vespers, that the constable’s wife + pointed out to the queen this follower of love, said laughingly— + </p> + <p> + “There’s a man of quality.” + </p> + <p> + This sentence remained in the fashionable language. Later it became a + custom so to designate the people of the court. It was to the wife of the + constable d’Armagnac, and to no other source, that the French language is + indebted for this charming expression. + </p> + <p> + By a lucky chance the countess had surmised correctly concerning this + gentleman. He was a bannerless knight, named Julien de Boys-Bourredon, who + not having inherited on his estate enough to make a toothpick, and knowing + no other wealth than the rich nature with which his dead mother had + opportunely furnished him, conceived the idea of deriving therefrom both + rent and profit at court, knowing how fond ladies are of those good + revenues, and value them high and dear, when they can stand being looked + at between two suns. There are many like him who have thus taken the + narrow road of women to make their way; but he, far from arranging his + love in measured qualities, spend funds and all, as soon as he came to the + full-dress Mass, he saw the triumphant beauty of the Countess Bonne. Then + he fell really in love, which was a grand thing for his crowns, because he + lost both thirst and appetite. This love is of the worst kind, because it + incites you to the love of diet, during the diet of love; a double malady, + of which one is sufficient to extinguish a man. + </p> + +<div class="fig" style="width:35%;"> + <img src="images/151s.jpg" alt="151s " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/151.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a + href="images/151m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + Such was the young gentlemen of whom the good lady had thought, and + towards whom she came quickly to invite him to his death. + </p> + <p> + On entering she saw the poor chevalier, who faithful to his pleasure, + awaited her, his back against a pillar, as a sick man longs for the sun, + the spring-time, and the dawn. Then she turned away her eyes, and wished + to go to the queen and request her assistance in this desperate case, for + she took pity on her lover, but one of the captains said to her, with + great appearance of respect, “Madame, we have orders not to allow you to + speak with man or woman, even though it should be the queen or your + confessor. And remember that the lives of all of us are at stake.” + </p> + <p> + “Is it not your business to die?” said she. + </p> + <p> + “And also to obey,” replied the soldier. + </p> + <p> + Then the countess knelt down in her accustomed place, and again regarding + her faithful slave, found his face thinner and more deeply lined than ever + it had been. + </p> + <p> + “Bah!” said she, “I shall have less remorse for his death; he is half dead + as it is.” + </p> + <p> + With this paraphrase of her idea, she cast upon the said gentleman one of + those warm ogles that are only allowable to princesses and harlots, and + the false love which her lovely eyes bore witness to, gave a pleasant pang + to the gallant of the pillar. Who does not love the warm attack of life + when it flows thus round the heart and engulfs everything? + </p> + <p> + Madame recognised with a pleasure, always fresh in the minds of women, the + omnipotence of her magnificent regard by the answer which, without saying + a word, the chevalier made to it. And in fact, the blushes which empurpled + his cheeks spoke better than the best speeches of the Greek and Latin + orators, and were well understood. At this sweet sight, the countess, to + make sure that it was not a freak of nature, took pleasure in + experimentalising how far the virtue of her eyes would go, and after + having heated her slave more than thirty times, she was confirmed in her + belief that he would bravely die for her. This idea so touched her, that + from three repetitions between her orisons she was tickled with the desire + to put into a lump all the joys of man, and to dissolve them for him in + one single glance of love, in order that she should not one day be + reproached with having not only dissipated the life, but also the + happiness of this gentleman. When the officiating priest turned round to + sing the <i>Off you go</i> to this fine gilded flock, the constable’s wife + went out by the side of the pillar where her courtier was, passed in front + of him and endeavoured to insinuate into his understanding by a speaking + glance that he was to follow her, and to make positive the intelligence + and significant interpretation of this gentle appeal, the artful jade + turned round again a little after passing him to again request his + company. She saw that he had moved a little from his place, and dared not + advance, so modest was he, but upon this last sign, the gentleman, sure of + not being over-credulous, mixed with the crowd with little and noiseless + steps, like an innocent who is afraid of venturing into one of those good + places people call bad ones. And whether he walked behind or in front, to + the right or to the left, my lady bestowed upon him a glistening glance to + allure him the more and the better to draw him to her, like a fisher who + gently jerks the lines in order to hook the gudgeon. To be brief: the + countess practiced so well the profession of the daughters of pleasure + when they work to bring grist into their mills, that one would have said + nothing resembled a harlot so much as a woman of high birth. And indeed, + on arriving at the porch of her hotel the countess hesitated to enter + therein, and again turned her face towards the poor chevalier to invite + him to accompany her, discharging at him so diabolical a glance, that he + ran to the queen of his heart, believing himself to be called by her. + Thereupon, she offered him her hand, and both boiling and trembling from + the contrary causes found themselves inside the house. At this wretched + hour, Madame d’Armagnac was ashamed of having done all these harlotries to + the profit of death, and of betraying Savoisy the better to save him; but + this slight remorse was lame as the greater, and came tardily. Seeing + everything ready, the countess leaned heavily upon her vassal’s arm, and + said to him— + </p> + <p> + “Come quickly to my room; it is necessary that I should speak with you.” + </p> + <p> + And he, not knowing that his life was in peril, found no voice wherewith + to reply, so much did the hope of approaching happiness choke him. + </p> + <p> + When the laundress saw this handsome gentleman so quickly hooked, “Ah!” + said she, “these ladies of the court are best at such work.” Then she + honoured this courtier with a profound salutation, in which was depicted + the ironical respect due to those who have the great courage to die for so + little. + </p> + <p> + “Picard,” said the constable’s lady, drawing the laundress to her by the + skirt, “I have not the courage to confess to him the reward with which I + am about to pay his silent love and his charming belief in the loyalty of + women.” + </p> + <p> + “Bah! Madame: why tell him? Send him away well contented by the postern. + So many men die in war for nothing, cannot this one die for something? + I’ll produce another like him if that will console you.” + </p> + <p> + “Come along,” cried the countess, “I will confess all to him. That will be + the punishment for my sins.” + </p> + <p> + Thinking that this lady was arranging with her servant certain trifling + provisions and secret things in order not to be disturbed in the interview + she had promised him, the unknown lover kept at a discreet distance, + looking at the flies. Nevertheless, he thought that the countess was very + bold, but also, as even a hunchback would have done, he found a thousand + reasons to justify her, and thought himself quite worthy to inspire such + recklessness. He was lost in those good thoughts when the constable’s wife + opened the door of her chamber, and invited the chevalier to follow her + in. There his noble lady cast aside all the apparel of her lofty fortune, + and falling at the feet of this gentleman, became a simple woman. + </p> + <p> + “Alas, sweet sir!” said she, “I have acted vilely towards you. Listen. On + your departure from this house, you will meet your death. The love which I + feel for another has bewildered me, and without being able to hold his + place here, you will have to take it before his murderers. This is the joy + to which I have bidden you.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” Replied Boys-Bourredon, interring in the depths of his heart a dark + despair, “I am grateful to you for having made use of me as of something + which belonged to you. . . . Yes, I love you so much that every day you I + have dreamed of offering you in imitation of the ladies, a thing that can + be given but once. Take, then, my life!” + </p> + <p> + And the poor chevalier, in saying this, gave her one glance to suffice for + all the time he would have been able to look at her through the long days. + Hearing these brave and loving words, Bonne rose suddenly. + </p> + <p> + “Ah! were it not for Savoisy, how I would love thee!” said she. + </p> + <p> + “Alas! my fate is then accomplished,” replied Boys-Bourredon. “My + horoscope predicted that I should die by the love of a great lady. Ah, + God!” said he, clutching his good sword, “I will sell my life dearly, but + I shall die content in thinking that my decease ensures the happiness of + her I love. I should live better in her memory than in reality.” At the + sight of the gesture and the beaming face of this courageous man, the + constable’s wife was pierced to the heart. But soon she was wounded to the + quick because he seemed to wish to leave her without even asking of her + the smallest favour. + </p> + <p> + “Come, that I may arm you,” said she to him, making an attempt to kiss + him. + </p> + <p> + “Ha! my lady-love,” replied he, moistening with a gentle tear the fire of + his eyes, “would you render my death impossible by attaching too great a + value to my life?” + </p> + <p> + “Come,” cried she, overcome by this intense love, “I do not know what the + end of all this will be, but come—afterwards we will go and perish + together at the postern.” + </p> + <p> + The same flame leaped in their hearts, the same harmony had struck for + both, they embraced each other with a rapture in the delicious excess of + that mad fever which you know well I hope; they fell into a profound + forgetfulness of the dangers of Savoisy, of themselves, of the constable, + of death, of life, of everything. + </p> + <p> + Meanwhile the watchman at the porch had gone to inform the constable of + the arrival of the gallant, and to tell him how the infatuated gentleman + had taken no notice of the winks which, during Mass and on the road, the + countess had given him in order to prevent his destruction. They met their + master arriving in great haste at the postern, because on their side the + archers of the quay had whistled to him afar off, saying to him— + </p> + <p> + “The Sire de Savoisy has passed in.” + </p> + <p> + And indeed Savoisy had come at the appointed hour, and like all the + lovers, thinking only of his lady, he had not seen the count’s spies and + had slipped in at the postern. This collision of lovers was the cause of + the constable’s cutting short the words of those who came from the Rue St. + Antoine, saying to them with a gesture of authority, that they did not + think wise to disregard— + </p> + <p> + “I know that the animal is taken.” + </p> + <p> + Thereupon all rushed with a great noise through this said postern, crying, + “Death to him! death to him!” and men-at-arms, archers, the constable, and + the captains, all rushed full tilt upon Charles Savoisy, the king’s + nephew, who they attacked under the countess’s window, where by a strange + chance, the groans of the poor young man were dolorously exhaled, mingled + with the yells of the soldiers, at the same time as passionate sighs and + cries were given forth by the two lovers, who hastened up in great fear. + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said the countess, turning pale from terror, “Savoisy is dying for + me!” + </p> + <p> + “But I will live for you,” replied Boys-Bourredon, “and shall esteem it a + joy to pay the same price for my happiness as he has done.” + </p> + <p> + “Hide yourself in the clothes chest,” cried the countess; “I hear the + constable’s footsteps.” + </p> + <p> + And indeed M. d’Armagnac appeared very soon with a head in his hand, and + putting it all bloody on the mantleshelf, “Behold, Madame,” said he, “a + picture which will enlighten you concerning the duties of a wife towards + her husband.” + </p> + <p> + “You have killed an innocent man,” replied the countess, without changing + colour. “Savoisy was not my lover.” + </p> + <p> + And with the this speech she looked proudly at the constable with a face + marked by so much dissimulation and feminine audacity, that the husband + stood looking as foolish as a girl who has allowed a note to escape her + below, before a numerous company, and he was afraid of having made a + mistake. + </p> + <p> + “Of whom were you thinking this morning?” asked he. + </p> + <p> + “I was dreaming of the king,” said she. + </p> + <p> + “Then, my dear, why not have told me so?” + </p> + <p> + “Would you have believed me in the bestial passion you were in?” + </p> + <p> + The constable scratched his ear and replied— + </p> + <p> + “But how came Savoisy with the key of the postern?” + </p> + <p> + “I don’t know,” she said, curtly, “if you will have the goodness to + believe what I have said to you.” + </p> + <p> + And his wife turned lightly on her heel like a weather-cock turned by the + wind, pretending to go and look after the household affairs. You can + imagine that D’Armagnac was greatly embarrassed with the head of poor + Savoisy, and that for his part Boys-Bourredon had no desire to cough while + listening to the count, who was growling to himself all sorts of words. At + length the constable struck two heavy blows over the table and said, “I’ll + go and attack the inhabitants of Poissy.” Then he departed, and when the + night was come Boys-Bourredon escaped from the house in some disguise or + other. + </p> + <p> + Poor Savoisy was sorely lamented by his lady, who had done all that a + woman could do to save her lover, and later he was more than wept, he was + regretted; for the countess having related this adventure to Queen + Isabella, her majesty seduced Boys-Bourredon from the service of her + cousin and put him to her own, so much was she touched with the qualities + and firm courage of this gentleman. + </p> + <p> + Boys-Bourredon was a man whom danger had well recommended to the ladies. + In fact he comported himself so proudly in everything in the lofty + fortune, which the queen had made for him, that having badly treated King + Charles one day when the poor man was in his proper senses, the courtiers, + jealous of favour, informed the king of his cuckoldom. Boys-Bourredon was + in a moment sewn in a sack and thrown into the Seine, near the ferry at + Charenton, as everyone knows. I have no need add, that since the day when + the constable took it into his head to play thoughtlessly with knives, his + good wife utilised so well the two deaths he had caused and threw them so + often in his face, that she made him as soft as a cat’s paw and put him in + the straight road of marriage; and he proclaimed her a modest and virtuous + constable’s lady, as indeed she was. As this book should, according to the + maxims of great ancient authors, join certain useful things to the good + laughs which you will find therein and contain precepts of high taste, I + beg to inform you that the quintessence of the story is this: That women + need never lose their heads in serious cases, because the God of Love + never abandons them, especially when they are beautiful, young, and of + good family; and that gallants when going to keep an amorous assignation + should never go there like giddy young men, but carefully, and keep a + sharp look-out near the burrow, to avoid falling into certain traps and to + preserve themselves; for after a good woman the most precious thing is, + certes, a pretty gentleman. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0012" id="link2H_4_0012"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + THE MAID OF THILOUSE + </h2> + <p> + The lord of Valennes, a pleasant place, of which the castle is not far + from the town of Thilouse, had taken a mean wife, who by reason of taste + or antipathy, pleasure or displeasure, health or sickness, allowed her + good husband to abstain from those pleasures stipulated for in all + contracts of marriage. In order to be just, it should be stated that the + above-mentioned lord was a dirty and ill-favoured person, always hunting + wild animals and not the more entertaining than is a room full of smoke. + And what is more, the said sportsman was all sixty years of age, on which + subject, however, he was a silent as a hempen widow on the subject of + rope. But nature, which the crooked, the bandy-legged, the blind, and the + ugly abuse so unmercifully here below, and have no more esteem for her + than the well-favoured,—since, like workers of tapestry, they know + not what they do,—gives the same appetite to all and to all the same + mouth for pudding. So every beast finds a mate, and from the same fact + comes the proverb, “There is no pot, however ugly, that does not one day + find a cover.” Now the lord of Valennes searched everywhere for nice + little pots to cover, and often in addition to wild, he hunted tame + animals; but this kind of game was scarce in the land, and it was an + expensive affair to discover a maid. At length however by reason of much + ferreting about and much enquiry, it happened that the lord of Valennes + was informed that in Thilouse was the widow of a weaver who had a real + treasure in the person of a little damsel of sixteen years, whom she had + never allowed to leave her apronstrings, and whom, with great maternal + forethought, she always accompanied when the calls of nature demanded her + obedience; she had her to sleep with her in her own bed, watched over her, + got her up in the morning, and put her to such a work that between the + twain they gained about eight pennies a day. On fete days she took her to + the church, scarcely giving her a spare moment to exchange a merry word + with the young people; above all was she strict in keeping hands off the + maiden. + </p> + +<div class="fig" style="width:35%;"> + <img src="images/161s.jpg" alt="161s " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/161.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a + href="images/161m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + But the times were just then so hard that the widow and her daughter had + only bread enough to save them from dying of hunger, and as they lodged + with one of their poor relations, they often wanted wood in winter and + clothes in summer, owing enough rent to frighten sergeants of justice, men + who are not easily frightened at the debts of others; in short, while the + daughter was increasing in beauty, the mother was increasing in poverty, + and ran into debt on account of her daughter’s virginity, as an alchemist + will for the crucible in which his all is cast. As soon as his plans were + arranged and perfect, one rainy day the said lord of Valennes by a mere + chance came into the hovel of the two spinners, and in order to dry + himself sent for some fagots to Plessis, close by. While waiting for them, + he sat on a stool between the two poor women. By means of the grey shadows + and half light of the cabin, he saw the sweet countenance of the maid of + Thilouse; her arms were red and firm, her breasts hard as bastions, which + kept the cold from her heart, her waist round as a young oak and all fresh + and clean and pretty, like the first frost, green and tender as an April + bud; in fact, she resembled all that is prettiest in the world. She had + eyes of a modest and virtuous blue, with a look more coy than that of the + Virgin, for she was less forward, never having had a child. + </p> + <p> + Had any one said to her, “Come, let us make love,” she would have said, + “Love! What is that?” she was so innocent and so little open to the + comprehensions of the thing. + </p> + <p> + The good old lord twisted about upon his stool, eyeing the maid and + stretching his neck like a monkey trying to catch nuts, which the mother + noticed, but said not a word, being in fear of the lord to whom the whole + of the country belonged. When the fagot was put into the grate and flared + up, the good hunter said to the old woman, “Ah, ah! that warms one almost + as much as your daughter’s eyes.” + </p> + <p> + “But alas, my lord,” said she, “we have nothing to cook on that fire.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh yes,” replied he. + </p> + <p> + “What?” + </p> + <p> + “Ah, my good woman, lend your daughter to my wife, who has need of a good + handmaiden: we will give you two fagots every day.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, my lord, what could I cook at such a good fire?” + </p> + <p> + “Why,” replied the old rascal, “good broth, for I will give you a measure + of corn in season.” + </p> + <p> + “Then,” replied the old hag, “where shall I put it?” + </p> + <p> + “In your dish,” answered the purchaser of innocence. + </p> + <p> + “But I have neither dish nor flower-bin, nor anything.” + </p> + <p> + “Well I will give you dishes and flower-bins, saucepans, flagons, a good + bed with curtains, and everything.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” replied the good widow, “but the rain would spoil them, I have no + house.” + </p> + <p> + “You can see from here,” replied the lord, “the house of La Tourbelliere, + where lived my poor huntsmen Pillegrain, who was ripped up by a boar?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said the old woman. + </p> + <p> + “Well, you can make yourself at home there for the rest of your days.” + </p> + <p> + “By my faith;” cried the mother, letting fall her distaff, “do you mean + what you say?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, then, what will you give my daughter?” + </p> + <p> + “All that she is willing to gain in my service.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh! my lord, you are a joking.” + </p> + <p> + “No,” said he. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said she. + </p> + <p> + “By St. Gatien, St. Eleuther, and by the thousand million saints who are + in heaven, I swear that—” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! Well; if you are not jesting I should like those fagots to pass + through the hands of the notary.” + </p> + <p> + “By the blood of Christ and the charms of your daughter am I not a + gentleman? Is not my word good enough?” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! well I don’t say that it is not; but as true as I am a poor spinner I + love my child too much to leave her; she is too young and weak at present, + she will break down in service. Yesterday, in his sermon, the vicar said + that we should have to answer to God for our children.” + </p> + <p> + “There! There!” said the lord, “go and find the notary.” + </p> + <p> + An old woodcutter ran to the scrivener, who came and drew up a contract, + to which the lord of Valennes then put his cross, not knowing how to + write, and when all was signed and sealed— + </p> + <p> + “Well, old lady,” said he, “now you are no longer answerable to God for + the virtue of your child.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! my lord, the vicar said until the age of reason, and my child is + quite reasonable.” Then turning towards her, she added, “Marie Fiquet, + that which is dearest to you is your honour, and there where you are going + everyone, without counting my lord, will try to rob you of it, but you see + well what it is worth; for that reason do not lose it save willingly and + in proper manner. Now in order not to contaminate your virtue before God + and before man, except for a legitimate motive, take heed that your chance + of marriage be not damaged beforehand, otherwise you will go to the bad.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, dear mother,” replied the maid. + </p> + <p> + And thereupon she left the poor abode of her relation, and came to the + chateau of Valennes, there to serve my lady, who found her both pretty and + to her taste. + </p> + <p> + When the people of Valennes, Sache, Villaines, and other places, learned + the high price given for the maid of Thilouse, the good housewives + recognising the fact that nothing is more profitable than virtue, + endeavoured to nourish and bring up their daughters virtuous, but the + business was as risky as that of rearing silkworms, which are liable to + perish, since innocence is like a medlar, and ripens quickly on the straw. + There were, however, some girls noted for it in Touraine, who passed for + virgins in the convents of the religious, but I cannot vouch for these, + not having proceeded to verify them in the manner laid down by Verville, + in order to make sure of the perfect virtue of women. However, Marie + Fiquet followed the wise counsel of her mother, and would take no notice + of the soft requests, honied words, or apish tricks of her master, unless + they were flavoured with a promise of marriage. + </p> + <p> + When the old lord tried to kiss her, she would put her back up like a cat + at the approach of a dog, crying out “I will tell Madame!” In short at the + end of six months he had not even recovered the price of a single fagot. + From her labour Marie Fiquet became harder and firmer. Sometimes she would + reply to the gentle request of her master, “When you have taken it from me + will you give it me back again?” + </p> + <p> + Another time she would say, “If I were as full of holes as a sieve not one + should be for you, so ugly do I think you.” + </p> + <p> + The good old man took these village sayings for flowers of innocence, and + ceased not make little signs to her, long harangues and a hundred vows and + sermons, for by reason of seeing the fine breasts of the maid, her plump + hips, which at certain movements came into prominent relief, and by reason + of admiring other things capable of inflaming the mind of a saint, this + dear men became enamoured of her with an old man’s passion, which augments + in geometrical proportions as opposed to the passions of young men, + because the old men love with their weakness which grows greater, and the + young with their strength which grows less. In order to leave this + headstrong girl no loophole for refusal, the old lord took into his + confidence the steward, whose age was seventy odd years, and made him + understand that he ought to marry in order to keep his body warm, and that + Marie Fiquet was the very girl to suit him. The old steward, who had + gained three hundred pounds by different services about the house, desired + to live quietly without opening the front door again; but his good master + begged him to marry to please him, assuring him that he need not trouble + about his wife. So the good steward wandered out of sheer good nature into + this marriage. The day of the wedding, bereft of all her reasons, and not + able to find objections to her pursuer, she made him give her a fat + settlement and dowry as the price of her conquest, and then gave the old + knave leave to wink at her as often as he could, promising him as many + embraces as he had given grains of wheat to her mother. But at his age a + bushel was sufficient. + </p> + <p> + The festivities over, the lord did not fail, as soon as his wife had + retired, to wend his way towards the well-glazed, well-carpeted, and + pretty room where he had lodged his lass, his money, his fagots, his + house, his wheat, and his steward. To be brief, know that he found the + maid of Thilouse the sweetest girl in the world, as pretty as anything, by + the soft light of the fire which was gleaming in the chimney, snug between + the sheets, and with a sweet odour about her, as a young maiden should + have, and in fact he had no regret for the great price of this jewel. Not + being able to restrain himself from hurrying over the first mouthfuls of + this royal morsel, the lord treated her more as a past master than a young + beginner. So the happy man by too much gluttony, managed badly, and in + fact knew nothing of the sweet business of love. Finding which, the good + wench said, after a minute or two, to her old cavalier, “My lord, if you + are there, as I think you are, give a little more swing to your bells.” + </p> + <p> + From this saying, which became spread about, I know not how, Marie Fiquet + became famous, and it is still said in our country, “She is a maid of + Thilouse,” in mockery of a bride, and to signify a “fricquenelle.” + </p> + <p> + “Fricquenelle” is said of a girl I do not wish you to find in your arms on + your wedding night, unless you have been brought up in the philosophy of + Zeno, which puts up with anything, and there are many people obliged to be + Stoics in this funny situation, which is often met with, for Nature turns, + but changes not, and there are always good maids of Thilouse to be found + in Touraine, and elsewhere. Now if you asked me in what consists, or where + comes in, the moral of this tale? I am at liberty to reply to the ladies; + that the Cent Contes Drolatiques are made more to teach the moral of + pleasure than to procure the pleasure of pointing a moral. But if it were + a used up old rascal who asked me, I should say to him with all the + respect due to his yellow or grey locks; that God wishes to punish the + lord of Valennes, for trying to purchase a jewel made to be given. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0013" id="link2H_4_0013"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + THE BROTHERS-IN-ARMS + </h2> + <p> + At the commencement of the reign of King Henry, second of the name, who + loved so well the fair Diana, there existed still a ceremony of which the + usage has since become much weakened, and which has altogether + disappeared, like an infinity of the good things of the olden times. This + fine and noble custom was the choice which all knights made of a + brother-in-arms. After having recognised each other as two loyal and brave + men, each one of this pretty couple was married for life to the other; + both became brothers, the one had to defend the other in battling against + the enemies who threatened him, and at Court against the friends who + slandered him. In the absence of his companion the other was expected to + say to one who should have accused his good brother of any disloyalty, + wickedness or dark felony, “You have lied by your throat,” and so go into + the field instantly, so sure was the one of the honour of the other. There + is no need to add, that the one was always the second of the other in all + affairs, good or evil, and that they shared all good or evil fortune. They + were better than the brothers who are only united by the hazard of nature, + since they were fraternised by the bonds of an especial sentiment, + involuntary and mutual, and thus the fraternity of arms has produced + splendid characters, as brave as those of the ancient Greeks, Romans, or + others. . . . But this is not my subject; the history of these things has + been written by the historians of our country, and everyone knows them. + </p> + <p> + Now at this time two young gentlemen of Touraine, of whom one was the + Cadet of Maille, and the other Sieur de Lavalliere, became + brothers-in-arms on the day they gained their spurs. They were leaving the + house of Monsieur de Montmorency, where they had been nourished with the + good doctrines of this great Captain, and had shown how contagious is + valour in such good company, for at the battle of Ravenna they merited the + praises of the oldest knights. It was in the thick of this fierce fight + that Maille, saved by the said Lavalliere, with whom he had had a quarrel + or two, perceived that this gentleman had a noble heart. As they had each + received slashes in the doublets, they baptised their fraternity with + their blood, and were ministered to together in one and the same bed under + the tent of Monsieur de Montmorency their master. It is necessary to + inform you that, contrary to the custom of his family, which was always to + have a pretty face, the Cadet of Maille was not of a pleasing physiognomy, + and had scarcely any beauty but that of the devil. For the rest he was + lithe as a greyhound, broad shouldered and strongly built as King Pepin, + who was a terrible antagonist. On the other hand, the Sieur de Lavalliere + was a dainty fellow, for whom seemed to have been invented rich laces, + silken hose, and cancellated shoes. His long dark locks were pretty as a + lady’s ringlets, and he was, to be brief, a child with whom all the women + would be glad to play. One day the Dauphine, niece of the Pope, said + laughingly to the Queen of Navarre, who did not dislike these little + jokes, “that this page was a plaster to cure every ache,” which caused the + pretty little Tourainian to blush, because, being only sixteen, he took + this gallantry as a reproach. + </p> + <p> + Now on his return from Italy the Cadet of Maille found the slipper of + marriage ready for his foot, which his mother had obtained for him in the + person of Mademoiselle d’Annebaut, who was a graceful maiden of good + appearance, and well furnished with everything, having a splendid hotel in + the Rue Barbette, with handsome furniture and Italian paintings and many + considerable lands to inherit. Some days after the death of King Francis—a + circumstance which planted terror in the heart of everyone, because his + said Majesty had died in consequence of an attack of the Neapolitan + sickness, and that for the future there would be no security even with + princesses of the highest birth—the above-named Maille was compelled + to quit the Court in order to go and arrange certain affairs of great + importance in Piedmont. You may be sure that he was very loath to leave + his good wife, so young, so delicate, so sprightly, in the midst of the + dangers, temptations, snares and pitfalls of this gallant assemblage, + which comprised so many handsome fellows, bold as eagles, proud of mein, + and as fond of women as the people are partial to Paschal hams. In this + state of intense jealousy everything made him ill at ease; but by dint of + much thinking, it occurred to him to make sure of his wife in the manner + about to be related. He invited his good brother-in-arms to come at + daybreak on the morning of his departure. Now directly he heard + Lavalliere’s horse in the courtyard, he leaped out of bed, leaving his + sweet and fair better-half sleeping that gentle, dreamy, dozing sleep so + beloved by dainty ladies and lazy people. Lavalliere came to him, and the + two companions, hidden in the embrasure of the window, greeted each other + with a loyal clasp of the hand, and immediately Lavalliere said to Maille— + </p> + <p> + “I should have been here last night in answer to thy summons, but I had a + love suit on with my lady, who had given me an assignation; I could in no + way fail to keep it, but I quitted her at dawn. Shall I accompany thee? I + have told her of thy departure, she has promised me to remain without any + amour; we have made a compact. If she deceives me—well a friend is + worth more than a mistress!” + </p> + <p> + “Oh! my good brother” replied the Maille, quite overcome with these words, + “I wish to demand of thee a still higher proof of thy brave heart. Wilt + thou take charge of my wife, defend her against all, be her guide, keep + her in check and answer to me for the integrity of my head? Thou canst + stay here during my absence, in the green-room, and be my wife’s + cavalier.” + </p> + <p> + Lavalliere knitted his brow and said— + </p> + <p> + “It is neither thee nor thy wife that I fear, but evil-minded people, who + will take advantage of this to entangle us like skeins of silk.” + </p> + <p> + “Do not be afraid of me,” replied Maille, clasping Lavalliere to his + breast. “If it be the divine will of the Almighty that I should have the + misfortune to be a cuckold, I should be less grieved if it were to your + advantage. But by my faith I should die of grief, for my life is bound up + in my good, young, virtuous wife.” + </p> + <p> + Saying which, he turned away his head, in order that Lavalliere should not + perceive the tears in his eyes; but the fine courtier saw this flow of + water, and taking the hand of Maille— + </p> + <p> + “Brother,” said he to him, “I swear to thee on my honour as a man, that + before anyone lays a finger on thy wife, he shall have felt my dagger in + the depth of his veins! And unless I should die, thou shalt find her on + thy return, intact in body if not in heart, because thought is beyond the + control of gentlemen.” + </p> + <p> + “It is then decreed above,” exclaimed Maille, “that I shall always be thy + servant and thy debtor!” + </p> + <p> + Thereupon the comrade departed, in order not to be inundated with the + tears, exclamations, and other expressions of grief which ladies make use + of when saying “Farewell.” Lavalliere having conducted him to the gate of + the town, came back to the hotel, waited until Marie d’Annebaut was out of + bed, informed her of the departure of her good husband, and offered to + place himself at her orders, in such a graceful manner, that the most + virtuous woman would have been tickled with a desire to keep such a knight + to herself. But there was no need of this fine paternoster to indoctrinate + the lady, seeing that she had listened to the discourse of the two + friends, and was greatly offended at her husband’s doubt. Alas! God alone + is perfect! In all the ideas of men there is always a bad side, and it is + therefore a great science in life, but an impossible science, to take hold + of everything, even a stick by the right end. The cause of the great + difficulty there is in pleasing the ladies is, that there is it in them a + thing which is more woman than they are, and but for the respect which is + due to them, I would use another word. Now we should never awaken the + phantasy of this malevolent thing. The perfect government of woman is a + task to rend a man’s heart, and we are compelled to remain in perfect + submission to them; that is, I imagine, the best manner in which to solve + the most agonising enigma of marriage. + </p> + <p> + Now Marie d’Annebaut was delighted with the bearing and offers of this + gallant; but there was something in her smile which indicated a malicious + idea, and, to speak plainly, the intention of putting her young guardian + between honour and pleasure; to regale him so with love, to surround him + with so many little attentions, to pursue him with such warm glances, that + he would be faithless to friendship, to the advantage of gallantry. + </p> + <p> + Everything was in perfect trim for the carrying out of her design, because + of the companionship which the Sire de Lavalliere would be obliged to have + with her during his stay in the hotel, and as there is nothing in the + world can turn a woman from her whim, at every turn the artful jade was + ready to catch him in a trap. + </p> + <p> + At times she would make him remain seated near her by the fire, until + twelve o’clock at night, singing soft refrains, and at every opportunity + showed her fair shoulders, and the white temptations of which her corset + was full, and casting upon him a thousand piercing glances, all without + showing in her face the thoughts that surged in her brain. + </p> + <p> + At times she would walk with him in the morning, in the gardens of the + hotel, leaning heavily upon his arm, pressing it, sighing, and making him + tie the laces of her little shoes, which were always coming undone in that + particular place. Then it would be those soft words and things which the + ladies understand so well, little attentions paid to a guest, such as + coming in to see if he were comfortable, if his bed were well made, the + room clean, if the ventilation were good, if he felt any draughts in the + night, if the sun came in during the day, and asking him to forgo none of + his usual fancies and habits, saying— + </p> + <p> + “Are you accustomed to take anything in the morning in bed, such as honey, + milk, or spice? Do the meal times suit you? I will conform mine to yours: + tell me. You are afraid to ask me. Come—” + </p> + <p> + She accompanied these coddling little attentions with a hundred affected + speeches; for instance, on coming into the room she would say— + </p> + <p> + “I am intruding, send me away. You want to be left alone—I will go.” + And always was she graciously invited to remain. + </p> + <p> + And the cunning Madame always came lightly attired, showing samples of her + beauty, which would have made a patriarch neigh, even were he as much + battered by time as must have been Mr. Methusaleh, with his nine hundred + and sixty years. + </p> + <p> + That good knight being as sharp as a needle, let the lady go on with her + tricks, much pleased to see her occupy herself with him, since it was so + much gained; but like a loyal brother, he always called her absent husband + to the lady’s mind. + </p> + <p> + Now one evening—the day had been very warm—Lavalliere + suspecting the lady’s games, told her that Maille loved her dearly, that + she had in him a man of honour, a gentleman who doted on her, and was + ticklish on the score of his crown. + </p> + <p> + “Why then, if he is so ticklish in this manner, has he placed you here?” + </p> + <p> + “Was it not a most prudent thing?” replied he. “Was it not necessary to + confide you to some defender of your virtue? Not that it needs one save to + protect you from wicked men.” + </p> + <p> + “Then you are my guardian?” said she. + </p> + <p> + “I am proud of it!” exclaimed Lavalliere. + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said she, “he has made a very bad choice.” + </p> + <p> + This remark was accompanied by a little look, so lewdly lascivious that + the good brother-in-arms put on, by way of reproach, a severe countenance, + and left the fair lady alone, much piqued at this refusal to commence + love’s conflict. + </p> + <p> + She remained in deep meditation, and began to search for the real obstacle + that she had encountered, for it was impossible that it should enter the + mind of any lady, that a gentleman could despise that bagatelle which is + of such great price and so high value. Now these thoughts knitted and + joined together so well, one fitting into the other, that out of little + pieces she constructed a perfect whole, and found herself desperately in + love; which should teach the ladies never to play with a man’s weapons, + seeing that like glue, they always stick to the fingers. + </p> + <p> + By this means Marie d’Annebaut came to a conclusion which she should have + known at the commencement—viz., that to keep clear of her snares, + the good knight must be smitten with some other lady, and looking round + her, to see where her young guest could have found a needle-case to his + taste, she thought of the fair Limeuil, one of Queen Catherine’s maids, of + Mesdames de Nevers, d’Estree, and de Giac, all of whom were declared + friends of Lavalliere, and of the lot he must love one to distraction. + </p> + <p> + From this belief, she added the motive of jealousy to the others which + tempted her to seduce her Argus, whom she did not wish to wound, but to + perfume, kiss his head, and treat kindly. + </p> + <p> + She was certainly more beautiful, young, and more appetising and gentle + than her rivals; at least, that was the melodious decree of her + imaginations. So, urged on by the chords and springs of conscience, and + physical causes which affect women, she returned to the charge, to + commence a fresh assault upon the heart of the chevalier, for the ladies + like that which is well fortified. + </p> + <p> + Then she played the pussy-cat, and nestled up close to him, became so + sweetly sociable, and wheedled so gently, that one evening when she was in + a desponding state, although merry enough in her inmost soul, the + guardian-brother asked her— + </p> + <p> + “What is the matter with you?” + </p> + <p> + To which she replied to him dreamily, being listened to by him as the + sweetest music— + </p> + <p> + That she had married Maille against her heart’s will, and that she was + very unhappy; that she knew not the sweets of love; that her husband did + not understand her, and that her life was full of tears. In fact, that she + was a maiden in heart and all, since she confessed in marriage she had + experienced nothing but the reverse of pleasure. And she added, that + surely this holy state should be full of sweetmeats and dainties of love, + because all the ladies hurried into it, and hated and were jealous of + those who out-bid them, for it cost certain people pretty dear; that she + was so curious about it that for one good day or night of love, she would + give her life, and always be obedient to her lover without a murmur; but + that he with whom she would sooner than all others try the experiment + would not listen to her; that, nevertheless, the secret of their love + might be kept eternally, so great was her husband’s confidence in him, and + that finally if he still refused it would kill her. + </p> + <p> + And all these paraphrases of the common canticle known to the ladies at + their birth were ejaculated between a thousand pauses, interrupted with + sighs torn from the heart, ornamented with quiverings, appeals to heaven, + upturned eyes, sudden blushings and clutchings at her hair. In fact, no + ingredient of temptation was lacking in the dish, and at the bottom of all + these words there was a nipping desire which embellished even its + blemishes. The good knight fell at the lady’s feet, and weeping took them + and kissed them, and you may be sure the good woman was quite delighted to + let him kiss them, and even without looking too carefully to see what she + was going to do, she abandoned her dress to him, knowing well that to keep + it from sweeping the ground it must be taken at the bottom to raise it; + but it was written that for that evening she should be good, for the + handsome Lavalliere said to her with despair— + </p> + <p> + “Ah, madame, I am an unfortunate man and a wretch.” + </p> + <p> + “Not at all,” said she. + </p> + <p> + “Alas, the joy of loving you is denied to me.” + </p> + <p> + “How?” said she. + </p> + <p> + “I dare not confess my situation to you!” + </p> + <p> + “Is it then very bad?” + </p> + <p> + “Ah, you will be ashamed of me!” + </p> + <p> + “Speak, I will hide my face in my hands,” and the cunning madame hid her + face is such a way that she could look at her well-beloved between her + fingers. + </p> + <p> + “Alas!” said he, “the other evening when you addressed me in such gracious + words, I was so treacherously inflamed, that not knowing my happiness to + be so near, and not daring to confess my flame to you, I ran to a Bordel + where all the gentleman go, and there for love of you, and to save the + honour of my brother whose head I should blush to dishonour, I was so + badly infected that I am in great danger of dying of the Italian + sickness.” + </p> + <p> + The lady, seized with terror, gave vent to the cry of a woman in labour, + and with great emotion, repulsed him with a gentle little gesture. Poor + Lavalliere, finding himself in so pitiable state, went out of the room, + but he had not even reached the tapestries of the door, when Marie + d’Annebaut again contemplated him, saying to herself, “Ah! what a pity!” + Then she fell into a state of great melancholy, pitying in herself the + gentleman, and became the more in love with him because he was fruit three + times forbidden. + </p> + <p> + “But for Maille,” said she to him, one evening that she thought him + handsomer than unusual, “I would willingly take your disease. Together we + should then have the same terrors.” + </p> + <p> + “I love you too well,” said the brother, “not to be good.” + </p> + <p> + And he left her to go to his beautiful Limeuil. You can imagine that being + unable to refuse to receive the burning glances of the lady, during meal + times, and the evenings, there was a fire nourished that warmed them both, + but she was compelled to live without touching her cavalier, otherwise + than with her eyes. Thus occupied, Marie d’Annebaut was fortified at every + point against the gallants of the Court, for there are no bounds so + impassable as those of love, and no better guardian; it is like the devil, + he whom it has in its clutches it surrounds with flames. One evening, + Lavalliere having escorted his friend’s wife to a dance given by Queen + Catherine, he danced with the fair Limeuil, with whom he was madly in + love. At that time the knights carried on their amours bravely two by two, + and even in troops. Now all the ladies were jealous of La Limeuil, who at + that time was thinking of yielding to the handsome Lavalliere. Before + taking their places in the quadrille, she had given him the sweetest of + assignations for the morrow, during the hunt. Our great Queen Catherine, + who from political motives fermented these loves and stirred them up, like + pastrycooks make the oven fires burn by poking, glanced at all the pretty + couples interwoven in the quadrille, and said to her husband— + </p> + <p> + “When they combat here, can they conspire against you, eh?” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! but the Protestants?” + </p> + <p> + “Bah! have them here as well,” said she, laughing. “Why, look at + Lavalliere, who is suspected to be a Huguenot; he is converted by my dear + little Limeuil, who does not play her cards badly for a young lady of + sixteen. He will soon have her name down in his list.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah, Madame! do not believe it,” said Marie d’Annebaut, “he is ruined + through that same sickness of Naples which made you queen.” + </p> + <p> + At this artless confession, Catherine, the fair Diana, and the king, who + were sitting together, burst out laughing, and the thing ran round the + room. This brought endless shame and mockery upon Lavalliere. The poor + gentleman, pointed at by everyone, soon wished somebody else in his shoes, + for La Limeuil, who his rivals had not been slow laughingly to warn of her + danger, appeared to shrink from her lover, so rapid was the spread, and so + violent the apprehensions of this nasty disease. Thus Lavalliere found + himself abandoned by everyone like a leper. The king made an offensive + remark, and the good knight quitted the ball-room, followed by poor Marie + in despair at the speech. She had in every way ruined the man she loved: + she had destroyed his honour, and marred his life, since the physicians + and master surgeons advance as a fact, incapable of contradiction, that + persons Italianised by this love sickness, lost through it their greatest + attractions, as well as their generative powers, and their bones went + black. + </p> + <p> + Thus no woman would bind herself in legitimate marriage with the finest + gentlemen in the kingdom if he were only suspected of being one of those + whom Master Frances Rabelais named “his very precious scabby ones. . . . + .” + </p> + <p> + As the handsome knight was very silent and melancholy, his companion said + to him on the road home from Hercules House, where the fete had been held— + </p> + <p> + “My dear lord, I have done you a great mischief.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah, madame!” replied Lavalliere, “my hurt is curable; but into what a + predicament have you fallen? You should not have been aware of the danger + of my love.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said she, “I am sure now always to have you to myself; in exchange + for this great obloquy and dishonour, I will be forever your friend, your + hostess, and your lady-love—more than that, your servant. My + determination is to devote myself to you and efface the traces of this + shame; to cure you by a watch and ward; and if the learned in these + matters declare that the disease has such a hold of you that it will kill + you like our defunct sovereign, I must still have your company in order to + die gloriously in dying of your complaint. Even then,” said she, weeping, + “that will not be penance enough to atone for the wrong I have done you.” + </p> + <p> + These words were accompanied with big tears; her virtuous heart waxed + faint, she fell to the ground exhausted. Lavalliere, terrified, caught her + and placed his hand upon her heart, below a breast of matchless beauty. + The lady revived at the warmth of this beloved hand, experiencing such + exquisite delights as nearly to make her again unconscious. + </p> + <p> + “Alas!” said she, “this sly and superficial caress will be for the future + the only pleasure of our love. It will still be a hundred times better + than the joys which poor Maille fancies he is bestowing on me. . . . Leave + your hand there,” said she; “verily it is upon my soul, and touches it.” + </p> + <p> + At these words the knight was in a pitiful plight, and innocently + confessed to the Lady that he experienced so much pleasure at this touch + that the pains of his malady increased, and that death was preferable to + this martyrdom. + </p> + <p> + “Let us die then,” said she. + </p> + <p> + But the litter was in the courtyard of the hotel, and as the means of + death was not handy, each one slept far from the other, heavily weighed + down with love, Lavalliere having lost his fair Limeuil, and Marie + d’Annebaut having gained pleasures without parallel. + </p> + <p> + From this affair, which was quite unforeseen, Lavalliere found himself + under the ban of love and marriage and dared no longer appear in public, + and he found how much it costs to guard the virtue of a woman; but the + more honour and virtue he displayed the more pleasure did he experience in + these great sacrifices offered at the shrine of brotherhood. Nevertheless, + his duty was very bitter, very ticklish, and intolerable to perform, + towards the last days of his guard. And in this way. + </p> + <p> + The confession of her love, which she believed was returned, the wrong + done by her to her cavalier, and the experience of an unknown pleasure, + emboldened the fair Marie, who fell into a platonic love, gently tempered + with those little indulgences in which there is no danger. From this cause + sprang the diabolical pleasures of the game invented by the ladies, who + since the death of Francis the First feared the contagion, but wished to + gratify their lovers. To these cruel delights, in order to properly play + his part, Lavalliere could not refuse his sanction. Thus every evening the + mournful Marie would attach her guest to her petticoats, holding his hand, + kissing him with burning glances, her cheek placed gently against his, and + during this virtuous embrace, in which the knight was held like the devil + by a holy water brush, she told him of her great love, which was boundless + since it stretched through the infinite spaces of unsatisfied desire. All + the fire with which the ladies endow their substantial amours, when the + night has no other lights than their eyes, she transferred into the mystic + motions of her head, the exultations of her soul, and the ecstasies of her + heart. Then, naturally, and with the delicious joy of two angels united by + thought alone, they intoned together those sweet litanies repeated by the + lovers of the period in honour of love—anthems which the abbot of + Theleme has paragraphically saved from oblivion by engraving them on the + walls of his Abbey, situated, according to master Alcofribas, in our land + of Chinon, where I have seen them in Latin, and have translated them for + the benefit of Christians. + </p> + <p> + “Alas!” said Marie d’Annebaut, “thou art my strength and my life, my joy + and my treasure.” + </p> + <p> + “And you,” replied he “you are a pearl, an angel.” + </p> + <p> + “Thou art my seraphim.” + </p> + <p> + “You my soul.” + </p> + <p> + “Thou my God.” + </p> + <p> + “You my evening star and morning star, my honour, my beauty, my universe.” + </p> + <p> + “Thou my great my divine master.” + </p> + <p> + “You my glory, my faith, my religion.” + </p> + <p> + “Thou my gentle one, my handsome one, my courageous one, my dear one, my + cavalier, my defender, my king, my love.” + </p> + <p> + “You my fairy, the flower of my days, the dream of my nights.” + </p> + <p> + “Thou my thought at every moment.” + </p> + <p> + “You the delights of my eyes.” + </p> + <p> + “Thou the voice of my soul.” + </p> + <p> + “You my light by day.” + </p> + <p> + “Thou my glimmer in the night.” + </p> + <p> + “You the best beloved among women.” + </p> + <p> + “Thou the most adored of men.” + </p> + <p> + “You my blood, a myself better than myself.” + </p> + <p> + “Thou art my heart, my lustre.” + </p> + <p> + “You my saint, my only joy.” + </p> + <p> + “I yield thee the palm of love, and how great so’er mine be, I believe + thou lovest me still more, for thou art the lord.” + </p> + <p> + “No; the palm is yours, my goddess, my Virgin Marie.” + </p> + <p> + “No; I am thy servant, thine handmaiden, a nothing thou canst crush to + atoms.” + </p> + <p> + “No, no! it is I who am your slave, your faithful page, whom you see as a + breath of air, upon whom you can walk as on a carpet. My heart is your + throne.” + </p> + <p> + “No, dearest, for thy voice transfigures me.” + </p> + <p> + “Your regard burns me.” + </p> + <p> + “I see but thee.” + </p> + <p> + “I love but you.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh! put thine hand upon my heart—only thine hand—and thou + will see me pale, when my blood shall have taken the heat of thine.” + </p> + <p> + Then during these struggles their eyes, already ardent, flamed still more + brightly, and the good knight was a little the accomplice of the pleasure + which Marie d’Annebaut took in feeling his hand upon her heart. Now, as in + this light embrace all their strength was put forth, all their desires + strained, all their ideas of the thing concentrated, it happened that the + knight’s transport reached a climax. Their eyes wept warm tears, they + seized each other hard and fast as fire seizes houses; but that was all. + Lavalliere had promised to return safe and sound to his friend the body + only, not the heart. + </p> + <p> + When Maille announced his return, it was quite time, since no virtue could + avoid melting upon this gridiron; and the less licence the lovers had, the + more pleasure they had in their fantasies. + </p> + <p> + Leaving Marie d’Annebaut, the good companion in arms went as far as Bondy + to meet his friend, to help him to pass through the forest without + accident, and the two brothers slept together, according to the ancient + custom, in the village of Bondy. + </p> + <p> + There, in their bed, they recounted to each other, one of the adventures + of his journey, the other the gossip of the camp, stories of gallantry, + and the rest. But Maille’s first question was touching Marie d’Annebaut, + whom Lavalliere swore to be intact in that precious place where the honour + of husbands is lodged; at which the amorous Maille was highly delighted. + </p> + <p> + On the morrow, they were all three re-united, to the great disgust of + Marie, who, with the high jurisprudence of women, made a great fuss with + her good husband, but with her finger she indicated her heart in an + artless manner to Lavalliere, as one who said, “This is thine!” + </p> + <p> + At supper Lavalliere announced his departure for the wars. Maille was much + grieved at this resolution, and wished to accompany his brother; that + Lavalliere refused him point blank. + </p> + <p> + “Madame,” said he to Marie d’Annebaut, “I love you more than life, but not + more than honour.” + </p> + <p> + He turned pale saying this, and Madame de Maille blanched hearing him, + because never in their amorous dalliance had there been so much true love + as in this speech. Maille insisted on keeping his friend company as far as + Meaux. When he came back he was talking over with his wife the unknown + reasons and secret causes of this departure, when Marie, who suspected the + grief of poor Lavalliere said, “I know: he is ashamed to stop here because + he has the Neapolitan sickness.” + </p> + <p> + “He!” said Maille, quite astonished. “I saw him when we were in bed + together at Bondy the other evening, and yesterday at Meaux. There’s + nothing the matter with him; he is as sound as a bell.” + </p> + <p> + The lady burst into tears, admiring this great loyalty, the sublime + resignation to his oath, and the extreme sufferings of this internal + passion. But as she still kept her love in the recesses of her heart, she + died when Lavalliere fell before Metz, as has been elsewhere related by + Messire Bourdeilles de Brantome in his tittle-tattle. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0014" id="link2H_4_0014"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + THE VICAR OF AZAY-LE-RIDEAU + </h2> + <p> + In those days the priests no longer took any woman in legitimate marriage, + but kept good mistresses as pretty as they could get; which custom has + since been interdicted by the council, as everyone knows, because, indeed, + it was not pleasant that the private confessions of people should be + retold to a wench who would laugh at them, besides the other secret + doctrines, ecclesiastical arrangements, and speculations which are part + and parcel of the politics of the Church of Rome. The last priest in our + country who theologically kept a woman in his parsonage, regaling her with + his scholastic love, was a certain vicar of Azay-le-Ridel, a place later + on most aptly named as Azay-le-Brule, and now Azay-le-Rideau, whose castle + is one of the marvels of Touraine. Now this said period, when the women + were not averse to the odour of the priesthood, is not so far distant as + some may think, Monsieur D’Orgemont, son of the preceding bishop, still + held the see of Paris, and the great quarrels of the Armagnacs had not + finished. To tell the truth, this vicar did well to have his vicarage in + that age, since he was well shapen, of a high colour, stout, big, strong, + eating and drinking like a convalescent, and indeed, was always rising + from a little malady that attacked him at certain times; and, later on, he + would have been his own executioner, had he determined to observe his + canonical continence. Add to this that he was a Tourainian, id est, dark, + and had in his eyes flame to light, and water to quench all the domestic + furnaces that required lighting or quenching; and never since at Azay has + been such vicar seen! A handsome vicar was he, square-shouldered, fresh + coloured, always blessing and chuckling, preferred weddings and + christenings to funerals, a good joker, pious in Church, and a man in + everything. There have been many vicars who have drunk well and eaten + well; others who have blessed abundantly and chuckled consumedly; but all + of them together would hardly make up the sterling worth of this aforesaid + vicar; and he alone has worthily filled his post with benedictions, has + held it with joy, and in it has consoled the afflicted, all so well, that + no one saw him come out of his house without wishing to be in his heart, + so much was he beloved. It was he who first said in a sermon that the + devil was not so black as he was painted, and who for Madame de Cande + transformed partridges into fish saying that the perch of the Indre were + partridges of the river, and, on the other hand, partridges perch in the + air. He never played artful tricks under the cloak of morality, and often + said, jokingly, he would rather be in a good bed then in anybody’s will, + that he had plenty of everything, and wanted nothing. As for the poor and + suffering, never did those who came to ask for wool at the vicarage go + away shorn, for his hand was always in his pocket, and he melted (he who + in all else was so firm) at the sight of all this misery and infirmity, + and he endeavoured to heal all their wounds. There have been many good + stories told concerning this king of vicars. It was he who caused such + hearty laughter at the wedding of the lord of Valennes, near Sacche. The + mother of the said lord had a good deal to do with the victuals, roast + meats and other delicacies, of which there was sufficient quantity to feed + a small town at least, and it is true, at the same time, that people came + to the wedding from Montbazon, from Tours, from Chinon, from Langeais, and + from everywhere, and stopped eight days. + </p> + <p> + Now the good vicar, as he was going into the room where the company were + enjoying themselves, met the little kitchen boy, who wished to inform + Madame that all the elementary substances and fat rudiments, syrups, and + sauces, were in readiness for a pudding of great delicacy, the secret + compilation, mixing, and manipulation of which she wished herself to + superintend, intending it as a special treat for her daughter-in-law’s + relations. Our vicar gave the boy a tap on the cheek, telling him that he + was too greasy and dirty to show himself to people of high rank, and that + he himself would deliver the said message. The merry fellow pushes open + the door, shapes the fingers of his left hand into the form of a sheath, + and moves gently therein the middle finger of his right, at the same time + looking at the lady of Valennes, and saying to her, “Come, all is ready.” + Those who did not understand the affair burst out laughing to see Madame + get up and go to the vicar, because she knew he referred to the pudding, + and not to that which the others imagined. + </p> + <p> + But a true story is that concerning the manner in which this worthy pastor + lost his mistress, to whom the ecclesiastical authorities allowed no + successor; but, as for that, the vicar did not want for domestic utensils. + In the parish everyone thought it an honour to lend him theirs, the more + readily because he was not the man to spoil anything, and was careful to + clean them out thoroughly, the dear man. But here are the facts. One + evening the good man came home to supper with a melancholy face, because + he had just put into the ground a good farmer, whose death came about in a + strange manner, and is still frequently talked about in Azay. Seeing that + he only ate with the end of his teeth, and turned up his nose at a dish of + tripe, which had been cooked in his own special manner, his good woman + said to him— + </p> + <p> + “Have you passed before the Lombard (see <i>Master Cornelius, passim</i>), + met two black crows, or seen the dead man turn in his grave, that you are + so upset?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh! Oh!” + </p> + <p> + “Has anyone deceived you?” + </p> + <p> + “Ha! Ha!” + </p> + <p> + “Come, tell me!” + </p> + <p> + “My dear, I am still quite overcome at the death of poor Cochegrue, and + there is not at the present moment a good housewife’s tongue or a virtuous + cuckold’s lips that are not talking about it.” + </p> + <p> + “And what was it?” + </p> + <p> + “Listen! This poor Cochegrue was returning from market, having sold his + corn and two fat pigs. He was riding his pretty mare, who, near Azay, + commenced to caper about without the slightest cause, and poor Cochegrue + trotted and ambled along counting his profits. At the corner of the old + road of the Landes de Charlemagne, they came upon a stallion kept by the + Sieur de la Carte, in a field, in order to have a good breed of horses, + because the said animal was fleet of foot, as handsome as an abbot, and so + high and mighty that the admiral who came to see it, said it was a beast + of the first quality. This cursed horse scented the pretty mare; like a + cunning beast, neither neighed nor gave vent to any equine ejaculation, + but when she was close to the road, leaped over forty rows of vines and + galloped after her, pawing the ground with his iron shoes, discharging the + artillery of a lover who longs for an embrace, giving forth sounds to set + the strongest teeth on edge, and so loudly, that the people of Champy + heard it and were much terrified thereat. + </p> + <p> + “Cochegrue, suspecting the affair, makes for the moors, spurs his amorous + mare, relying upon her rapid pace, and indeed, the good mare understands, + obeys, and flies—flies like a bird, but a bowshot off follows the + blessed horse, thundering along the road like a blacksmith beating iron, + and at full speed, his mane flying in the wind, replying to the sound of + the mare’s swift gallop with his terrible pat-a-pan! pat-a-pan! Then the + good farmer, feeling death following him in the love of the beast, spurs + anew his mare, and harder still she gallops, until at last, pale and half + dead with fear, he reaches the outer yard of his farmhouse, but finding + the door of the stable shut he cries, ‘Help here! Wife!’ Then he turned + round on his mare, thinking to avoid the cursed beast whose love was + burning, who was wild with passion, and growing more amorous every moment, + to the great danger of the mare. His family, horrified at the danger, did + not go to open the stable door, fearing the strange embrace and the kicks + of the iron-shod lover. At last, Cochegrue’s wife went, but just as the + good mare was half way through the door, the cursed stallion seized her, + squeezed her, gave her a wild greeting, with his two legs gripped her, + pinched her and held her tight, and at the same time so kneaded and + knocked about Cochegrue that there was only found of him a shapeless mass, + crushed like a nut after the oil has been distilled from it. It was + shocking to see him squashed alive and mingling his cries with the loud + love-sighs of the horse.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh! the mare!” exclaimed the vicar’s good wench. + </p> + <p> + “What!” said the priest astonished. + </p> + <p> + “Certainly. You men wouldn’t have cracked a plumstone for us.” + </p> + <p> + “There,” answered the vicar, “you wrong me.” The good man threw her so + angrily upon the bed, attacked and treated her so violently that she split + into pieces, and died immediately without either surgeons or physicians + being able to determine the manner in which the solution of continuity was + arrived at, so violently disjointed were the hinges and mesial partitions. + You can imagine that he was a proud man, and a splendid vicar as has been + previously stated. + </p> + <p> + The good people of the country, even the women, agreed that he was not to + blame, but that his conduct was warranted by the circumstances. + </p> + <p> + From this, perhaps, came the proverb so much in use at that time, Que + l’aze le saille! The which proverb is really so much coarser in its actual + wording, that out of respect for the ladies I will not mention it. But + this was not the only clever thing that this great and noble vicar + achieved, for before this misfortune he did such a stroke of business that + no robbers dare ask him how many angels he had in his pocket, even had + they been twenty strong and over to attack him. One evening when his good + woman was still with him, after supper, during which he had enjoyed his + goose, his wench, his wine, and everything, and was reclining in his chair + thinking where he could build a new barn for the tithes, a message came + for him from the lord of Sacche, who was giving up the ghost and wished to + reconcile himself with God, receive the sacrament, and go through the + usual ceremonies. “He is a good man and loyal lord. I will go.” said he. + Thereupon he passed into the church, took the silver box where the blessed + bread is, rang the little bell himself in order not to wake the clerk, and + went lightly and willingly along the roads. Near the Gue-droit, which is a + valley leading to the Indre across the moors, our good vicar perceived a + high toby. And what is a high toby? It is a clerk of St. Nicholas. Well, + what is that? That means a person who sees clearly on a dark night, + instructs himself by examining and turning over purses, and takes his + degrees on the high road. Do you understand now? Well then, the high toby + waited for the silver box, which he knew to be of great value. + </p> + <p> + “Oh! oh!” said the priest, putting down the sacred vase on a stone at the + corner of the bridge, “stop thou there without moving.” + </p> + <p> + Then he walked up to the robber, tipped him up, seized his loaded stick, + and when the rascal got up to struggle with him, he gutted him with a blow + well planted in the middle of his stomach. Then he picked up the viaticum + again, saying bravely to it: “Ah! If I had relied upon thy providence, we + should have been lost.” Now to utter these impious words on the road to + Sacche was mere waste of breath, seeing that he addressed them not to God, + but to the Archbishop of Tours, who have once severely rebuked him, + threatened him with suspension, and admonished him before the Chapter for + having publicly told certain lazy people that a good harvest was not due + to the grace of God, but to skilled labour and hard work—a doctrine + which smelt of the fagot. And indeed he was wrong, because the fruits of + the earth have need both of one and the other; but he died in this heresy, + for he could never understand how crops could come without digging, if God + so willed it—a doctrine that learned men have since proved to be + true, by showing that formerly wheat grew very well without the aid of + man. I cannot leave this splendid model of a pastor without giving here + one of the acts of his life, which proves with what fervour he imitated + the saints in the division of their goods and mantles, which they gave + formerly to the poor and the passers-by. One day, returning from Tours, + where he had been paying his respects to the official, mounted on his + mule, he was nearing Azay. On the way, just out side Ballan, he met a + pretty girl on foot, and was grieved to see a woman travelling like a dog; + the more so as she was visibly fatigued, and could scarcely raise one foot + before the other. He whistled to her softly, and the pretty wench turned + round and stopped. The good priest, who was too good a sportsman to + frighten the birds, especially the hooded ones, begged her so gently to + ride behind him on his mule, and in so polite a fashion, that the lass got + up; not without making those little excuses and grimaces that they all + make when one invites them to eat, or to take what they like. The sheep + paired off with the shepherd, the mule jogged along after the fashion of + mules, while the girl slipped now this way now that, riding so + uncomfortably that the priest pointed out to her, after leaving Ballan, + that she had better hold on to him; and immediately my lady put her plump + arms around the waist of her cavalier, in a modest and timorous manner. + </p> + <p> + “There, you don’t slip about now. Are you comfortable?” said the vicar. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, I am comfortable. Are you?” + </p> + <p> + “I?” said the priest, “I am better than that.” + </p> + <p> + And, in fact, he was quite at his ease, and was soon gently warmed in the + back by two projections which rubbed against it, and at last seemed as + though they wished to imprint themselves between his shoulder blades, + which would have been a pity, as that was not the place for this white + merchandise. By degrees the movement of mule brought into conjunction the + internal warmth of these two good riders, and their blood coursed more + quickly through their veins, seeing that it felt the motion of the mule as + well as their own; and thus the good wench and the vicar finished by + knowing each other’s thoughts, but not those of the mule. When they were + both acclimatised, he with her and she with him, they felt an internal + disturbance which resolved itself into secret desires. + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said the vicar, turning round to his companion, “here is a fine + cluster of trees which has grown very thick.” + </p> + <p> + “It is too near the road,” replied the girl. “Bad boys have cut the + branches, and the cows have eaten the young leaves.” + </p> + <p> + “Are you not married?” asked the vicar, trotting his animal again. + </p> + <p> + “No,” said she. + </p> + <p> + “Not at all?” + </p> + <p> + “I’faith! No!” + </p> + <p> + “What a shame, at your age!” + </p> + <p> + “You are right, sir; but you see, a poor girl who has had a child is a bad + bargain.” + </p> + <p> + Then the good vicar taking pity on such ignorance, and knowing that the + canons say among other things that pastors should indoctrinate their flock + and show them the duties and responsibilities of this life, he thought he + would only be discharging the functions of his office by showing her the + burden she would have one day to bear. Then he begged her gently not be + afraid, for if she would have faith in his loyalty no one should ever know + of the marital experiment which he proposed then and there to perform with + her; and as, since passing Ballan the girl had thought of nothing else; as + her desire had been carefully sustained, and augmented by the warm + movements of the animal, she replied harshly to the vicar, “if you talk + thus I will get down.” Then the good vicar continued his gentle requests + so well that on reaching the wood of Azay the girl wished to get down, and + the priest got down there too, for it was not across a horse that this + discussion could be finished. Then the virtuous maiden ran into the + thickest part of the wood to get away from the vicar, calling out, “Oh, + you wicked man, you shan’t know where I am.” + </p> + <p> + The mule arrived in a glade where the grass was good, the girl tumbled + down over a root and blushed. The good vicar came to her, and there as he + had rung the bell for mass he went through the service for her, and both + freely discounted the joys of paradise. The good priest had it in his + heart to thoroughly instruct her, and found his pupil very docile, as + gentle in mind as soft in the flesh, a perfect jewel. Therefore was he + much aggrieved at having so much abridged the lessons by giving it at + Azay, seeing that he would have been quite willing to recommence it, like + all of precentors who say the same thing over and over again to their + pupils. + </p> + <p> + “Ah! little one,” cried the good man, “why did you make so much fuss that + we only came to an understanding close to Azay?” + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said she, “I belong to Bellan.” + </p> + <p> + To be brief, I must tell you that when this good man died in his vicarage + there was a great number of people, children and others, who came, + sorrowful, afflicted, weeping, and grieved, and all exclaimed, “Ah! we + have lost our father.” And the girls, the widows, the wives and little + girls looked at each other, regretting him more than a friend, and said, + “He was more than a priest, he was a man!” Of these vicars the seed is + cast to the winds, and they will never be reproduced in spite of the + seminaries. + </p> + <p> + Why, even the poor, to whom his savings were left, found themselves still + the losers, and an old cripple whom he had succoured hobbled into the + churchyard, crying “I don’t die! I don’t!” meaning to say, “Why did not + death take me in his place?” This made some of the people laugh, at which + the shade of the good vicar would certainly not have been displeased. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0015" id="link2H_4_0015"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + THE REPROACH + </h2> + <p> + The fair laundress of Portillon-les-Tours, of whom a droll saying has + already been given in this book, was a girl blessed with as much cunning + as if she had stolen that of six priests and three women at least. She did + not want for sweethearts, and had so many that one would have compared + them, seeing them around her, to bees swarming of an evening towards their + hive. An old silk dyer, who lived in the Rue St. Montfumier, and there + possessed a house of scandalous magnificence, coming from his place at La + Grenadiere, situated on the fair borders of St. Cyr, passed on horseback + through Portillon in order to gain the Bridge of Tours. By reason of the + warmth of the evening, he was seized with a wild desire on seeing the + pretty washerwoman sitting upon her door-step. Now as for a very long time + he had dreamed of this pretty maid, his resolution was taken to make her + his wife, and in a short time she was transformed from a washerwoman into + a dyer’s wife, a good townswoman, with laces, fine linen, and furniture to + spare, and was happy in spite of the dyer, seeing that she knew very well + how to manage him. The good dyer had for a crony a silk machinery + manufacturer who was small in stature, deformed for life, and full of + wickedness. So on the wedding-day he said to the dyer, “You have done well + to marry, my friend, we shall have a pretty wife!”; and a thousand sly + jokes, such as it is usual to address to a bridegroom. + </p> + <p> + In fact, this hunchback courted the dyer’s wife, who from her nature, + caring little for badly built people, laughed to scorn the request of the + mechanician, and joked him about the springs, engines, and spools of which + his shop was full. However, this great love of the hunchback was rebuffed + by nothing, and became so irksome to the dyer’s wife that she resolved to + cure it by a thousand practical jokes. One evening, after the sempiternal + pursuit, she told her lover to come to the back door and towards midnight + she would open everything to him. Now note, this was on a winter’s night; + the Rue St. Montfumier is close to the Loire, and in this corner there + continually blow in winter, winds sharp as a hundred needle-points. The + good hunchback, well muffled up in his mantle, failed not to come, and + trotted up and down to keep himself warm while waiting for the appointed + hour. Towards midnight he was half frozen, as fidgety as thirty-two devils + caught in a stole, and was about to give up his happiness, when a feeble + light passed by the cracks of the window and came down towards the little + door. + </p> + <p> + “Ah, it is she!” said he. + </p> + <p> + And this hope warned him once more. Then he got close to the door, and + heard a little voice— + </p> + <p> + “Are you there?” said the dyer’s wife to him. + </p> + <p> + “Yes.” + </p> + <p> + “Cough, that I may see.” + </p> + <p> + The hunchback began to cough. + </p> + <p> + “It is not you.” + </p> + <p> + Then the hunchback said aloud— + </p> + <p> + “How do you mean, it is not I? Do you not recognise my voice? Open the + door!” + </p> + <p> + “Who’s there?” said the dyer, opening the window. + </p> + <p> + “There, you have awakened my husband, who returned from Amboise + unexpectedly this evening.” + </p> + <p> + Thereupon the dyer, seeing by the light of the moon a man at the door, + threw a big pot of cold water over him, and cried out, “Thieves! thieves!” + in such a manner that the hunchback was forced to run away; but in his + fear he failed to clear the chain stretched across the bottom of the road + and fell into the common sewer, which the sheriff had not then replaced by + a sluice to discharge the mud into the Loire. In this bath the mechanician + expected every moment to breathe his last, and cursed the fair + Tascherette, for her husband’s name being Taschereau, she was so called by + way of a little joke by the people of Tours. + </p> + <p> + Carandas—for so was named the manufacturer of machines to weave, to + spin, to spool, and to wind the silk—was not sufficiently smitten to + believe in the innocence of the dyer’s wife, and swore a devilish hate + against her. But some days afterwards, when he had recovered from his + wetting in the dyer’s drain he came up to sup with his old comrade. Then + the dyer’s wife reasoned with him so well, flavoured her words with so + much honey, and wheedled him with so many fair promises, that he dismissed + his suspicions. + </p> + <p> + He asked for a fresh assignation, and the fair Tascherette with the face + of a woman whose mind is dwelling on a subject, said to him, “Come + tomorrow evening; my husband will be staying some days at Chinonceaux. The + queen wishes to have some of her old dresses dyed and would settle the + colours with him. It will take some time.” + </p> + <p> + Carandas put on his best clothes, failed not to keep the appointment, + appeared at the time fixed, and found a good supper prepared, lampreys, + wine of Vouvray, fine white napkins—for it was not necessary to + remonstrate with the dyer’s wife on the colour of her linen—and + everything so well prepared that it was quite pleasant to him to see the + dishes of fresh eels, to smell the good odour of the meats, and to admire + a thousand little nameless things about the room, and La Tascherette fresh + and appetising as an apple on a hot day. Now, the mechanician, excited to + excess by these warm preparations, was on the point of attacking the + charms of the dyer’s wife, when Master Taschereau gave a loud knock at the + street door. + </p> + <p> + “Ha!” said madame, “what has happened? Put yourself in the clothes chest, + for I have been much abused respecting you; and if my husband finds you, + he may undo you; he is so violent in his temper.” + </p> + <p> + And immediately she thrust the hunchback into the chest, and went quickly + to her good husband, whom she knew well would be back from Chinonceaux to + supper. Then the dyer was kissed warmly on both his eyes and on both his + ears and he caught his good wife to him and bestowed upon her two hearty + smacks with his lips that sounded all over the room. Then the pair sat + down to supper, talked together and finished by going to bed; and the + mechanician heard all, though obliged to remain crumpled up, and not to + cough or to make a single movement. He was in with the linen, crushed up + as close as a sardine in a box, and had about as much air as he would have + had at the bottom of a river; but he had, to divert him, the music of + love, the sighs of the dyer, and the little jokes of La Tascherette. At + last, when he fancied his old comrade was asleep, he made an attempt to + get out of the chest. + </p> + <p> + “Who is there?” said the dyer. + </p> + <p> + “What is the matter my little one?” said his wife, lifting her nose above + the counterpane. + </p> + <p> + “I heard a scratching,” said the good man. + </p> + <p> + “We shall have rain to-morrow; it’s the cat,” replied his wife. + </p> + <p> + The good husband put his head back upon the pillow after having been + gently embraced by his spouse. “There, my dear, you are a light sleeper. + It’s no good trying to make a proper husband of you. There, be good. Oh! + oh! my little papa, your nightcap is on one side. There, put it on the + other way, for you must look pretty even when you are asleep. There! are + you all right?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes.” + </p> + <p> + “Are you sleep?” said she, giving him a kiss. + </p> + <p> + “Yes.” + </p> + <p> + In the morning the dyer’s wife came softly and let out the mechanician, + who was whiter than a ghost. + </p> + <p> + “Give me air, give me air!” said he. + </p> + <p> + And away he ran cured of his love, but with as much hate in his heart as a + pocket could hold of black wheat. The said hunchback left Tours and went + to live in the town of Bruges, where certain merchants had sent for him to + arrange the machinery for making hauberks. + </p> + <p> + During his long absence, Carandas, who had Moorish blood in his veins, + since he was descended from an ancient Saracen left half dead after the + great battle which took place between the Moors and the French in the + commune of Bellan (which is mentioned in the preceding tale), in which + place are the Landes of Charlemagne, where nothing grows because of the + cursed wretches and infidels there interred, and where the grass disagrees + even with the cows—this Carandas never rose up or lay down in a + foreign land without thinking of how he could give strength to his desires + of vengeance; and he was dreaming always of it, and wishing nothing less + than the death of the fair washerwoman of Portillon and often would cry + out “I will eat her flesh! I will cook one of her breasts, and swallow it + without sauce!” It was a tremendous hate of good constitution—a + cardinal hate—a hate of a wasp or an old maid. It was all known + hates moulded into one single hate, which boiled itself, concocted itself, + and resolved self into an elixir of wicked and diabolical sentiments, + warmed at the fire of the most flaming furnaces of hell—it was, in + fact, a master hate. + </p> + <p> + Now one fine day, the said Carandas came back into Touraine with much + wealth, that he brought from the country of Flanders, where he had sold + his mechanical secrets. He bought a splendid house in Rue St. Montfumier, + which is still to be seen, and is the astonishment of the passers-by, + because it has certain very queer round humps fashioned upon the stones of + the wall. Carandas, the hater, found many notable changes at the house of + his friend, the dyer, for the good man had two sweet children, who, by a + curious chance, presented no resemblance either to the mother or to the + father. But as it is necessary that children bear a resemblance to + someone, there are certain people who look for the features of their + ancestors, when they are good-looking—the flatters. So it was found + by the good husband that his two boys were like one of his uncles, + formerly a priest at Notre Dame de l’Egrignolles, but according to certain + jokers, these two children were the living portraits of a good-looking + shaven crown officiating in the Church of Notre Dame la Riche, a + celebrated parish situated between Tours and Plessis. Now, believe one + thing, and inculcate it upon your minds, and when in this book you shall + only have gleaned, gathered, extracted, and learned this one principle of + truth, look upon yourself as a lucky man—namely, that a man can + never dispense with his nose, id est, that a man will always be snotty—that + is to say, he will remain a man, and thus will continue throughout all + future centuries to laugh and drink, to find himself in his shirt without + feeling either better or worse there, and will have the same occupations. + But these preparatory ideas are to better to fix in the understanding that + this two-footed soul will always accept as true those things which flatter + his passions, caress his hates, or serve his amours: from this comes + logic. So it was that, the first day the above-mentioned Carandas saw his + old comrade’s children, saw the handsome priest, saw the beautiful wife of + the dyer, saw La Taschereau, all seated at the table, and saw to his + detriment the best piece of lamprey given with a certain air by La + Tascherette to her friend the priest, the mechanician said to himself, “My + old friend is a cuckold, his wife intrigues with the little confessor, and + the children have been begotten with his holy water. I’ll show them that + the hunchbacks have something more than other men.” + </p> + <p> + And this was true—true as it is that Tours has always had its feet + in the Loire, like a pretty girl who bathes herself and plays with the + water, making a flick-flack, by beating the waves with her fair white + hands; for the town is more smiling, merry, loving, fresh, flowery, and + fragrant than all the other towns of the world, which are not worthy to + comb her locks or to buckle her waistband. And be sure if you go there you + will find, in the centre of it, a sweet place, in which is a delicious + street where everyone promenades, where there is always a breeze, shade, + sun, rain, and love. Ha! ha! laugh away, but go there. It is a street + always new, always royal, always imperial—a patriotic street, a + street with two paths, a street open at both ends, a wide street, a street + so large that no one has ever cried, “Out of the way!” there. A street + which does not wear out, a street which leads to the abbey of Grand-mont, + and to a trench, which works very well with the bridge, and at the end of + which is a finer fair ground. A street well paved, well built, well + washed, as clean as a glass, populous, silent at certain times, a coquette + with a sweet nightcap on its pretty blue tiles—to be short, it is + the street where I was born; it is the queen of streets, always between + the earth and sky; a street with a fountain; a street which lacks nothing + to be celebrated among streets; and, in fact, it is the real street, the + only street of Tours. If there are others, they are dark, muddy, narrow, + and damp, and all come respectfully to salute this noble street, which + commands them. Where am I? For once in this street no one cares to come + out of it, so pleasant it is. But I owed this filial homage, this + descriptive hymn sung from the heart to my natal street, at the corners of + which there are wanting only the brave figures of my good master Rabelais, + and of Monsieur Descartes, both unknown to the people of the country. To + resume: the said Carandas was, on his return from Flanders, entertained by + his comrade, and by all those by whom he was liked for his jokes, his + drollery, and quaint remarks. The good hunchback appeared cured of his old + love, embraced the children, and when he was alone with the dyer’s wife, + recalled the night in the clothes-chest, and the night in the sewer, to + her memory, saying to her, “Ha, ha! what games you used to have with me.” + </p> + <p> + “It was your own fault,” said she, laughing. “If you had allowed yourself + by reason of your great love to be ridiculed, made a fool of, and bantered + a few more times, you might have made an impression on me, like the + others.” Thereupon Carandas commenced to laugh, though inwardly raging all + the time. Seeing the chest where he had nearly been suffocated, his anger + increased the more violently because the sweet creature had become still + more beautiful, like all those who are permanently youthful from bathing + in the water of youth, which waters are naught less than the sources of + love. The mechanician studied the proceedings in the way of cuckoldom at + his neighbour’s house, in order to revenge himself, for as many houses as + there are so many varieties of manner are there in this business; and + although all amours resemble each other in the same manner that all men + resemble each other, it is proved to the abstractors of true things, that + for the happiness of women, each love has its especial physiognomy, and if + there is nothing that resembles a man so much as a man, there is also + nothing differs from a man so much as a man. That it is, which confuses + all things, or explains the thousand fancies of women, who seek the best + men with a thousand pains and a thousand pleasures, perhaps more the one + than the other. But how can I blame them for their essays, changes, and + contradictory aims? Why, Nature frisks and wriggles, twists and turns + about, and you expect a woman to remain still! Do you know if ice is + really cold? No. Well then, neither do you know that cuckoldom is not a + lucky chance, the produce of brains well furnished and better made than + all the others. Seek something better than ventosity beneath the sky. This + will help to spread the philosophic reputation of this eccentric book. Oh + yes; go on. He who cries “vermin powder,” is more advanced than those who + occupy themselves with Nature, seeing that she is a proud jade and a + capricious one, and only allows herself to be seen at certain times. Do + you understand? So in all languages does she belong to the feminine + gender, being a thing essentially changeable and fruitful and fertile in + tricks. + </p> + <p> + Now Carandas soon recognised the fact that among cuckoldoms the best + understood and the most discreet is ecclesiastical cuckoldom. This is how + the good dyer’s wife had laid her plans. She went always towards her + cottage at Grenadiere-les-St.-Cyr on the eve of the Sabbath, leaving her + good husband to finish his work, to count up and check his books, and to + pay his workmen; then Taschereau would join her there on the morrow, and + always found a good breakfast ready and his good wife gay, and always + brought the priest with him. The fact is, this damnable priest crossed the + Loire the night before in a small boat, in order to keep the dyer’s wife + warm, and to calm her fancies, in order that she might sleep well during + the night, a duty which young men understand very well. Then this fine + curber of phantasies got back to his house in the morning by the time + Taschereau came to invite him to spend the day at La Grenadiere, and the + cuckold always found the priest asleep in his bed. The boatman being well + paid, no one knew anything of these goings on, for the lover journeyed the + night before after night fall, and on the Sunday in the early morning. As + soon as Carandas had verified the arrangement and constant practice of + these gallant diversions, he determined to wait for a day when the lovers + would meet, hungry one for the other, after some accidental abstinence. + This meeting took place very soon, and the curious hunchback saw the + boatman waiting below the square, at the Canal St. Antoine, for the young + priest, who was handsome, blonde, slender, and well-shaped, like the + gallant and cowardly hero of love, so celebrated by Monsieur Ariosto. Then + the mechanician went to find the old dyer, who always loved his wife and + always believed himself the only man who had a finger in her pie. + </p> + <p> + “Ah! good evening, old friend,” said Carandas to Taschereau; and + Taschereau made him a bow. + </p> + <p> + Then the mechanician relates to him all the secret festivals of love, + vomits words of peculiar import, and pricks the dyer on all sides. + </p> + <p> + At length, seeing he was ready to kill both his wife and the priest, + Carandas said to him, “My good neighbour, I had brought back from Flanders + a poisoned sword, which will instantly kill anyone, if it only make a + scratch upon him. Now, directly you shall have merely touched your wench + and her paramour, they will die.” + </p> + <p> + “Let us go and fetch it,” said the dyer. + </p> + <p> + Then the two merchants went in great haste to the house of the hunchback, + to get the sword and rush off to the country. + </p> + <p> + “But shall we find them in flagrante delicto?” asked Taschereau. + </p> + <p> + “You will see,” said the hunchback, jeering his friend. In fact, the + cuckold had not long to wait to behold the joy of the two lovers. + </p> + <p> + The sweet wench and her well-beloved were busy trying to catch, in a + certain lake that you probably know, that little bird that sometimes makes + his nest there, and they were laughing and trying, and still laughing. + </p> + <p> + “Ah, my darling!” said she, clasping him, as though she wished to make an + outline of him on her chest, “I love thee so much I should like to eat + thee! Nay, more than that, to have you in my skin, so that you might never + quit me.” + </p> + <p> + “I should like it too,” replied the priest, “but as you can’t have me + altogether, you must try a little bit at a time.” + </p> + <p> + It was at this moment that the husband entered, he sword unsheathed and + flourished above him. The beautiful Tascherette, who knew her lord’s face + well, saw what would be the fate of her well-beloved the priest. But + suddenly she sprang towards the good man, half naked, her hair streaming + over her, beautiful with shame, but more beautiful with love, and cried to + him, “Stay, unhappy man! Wouldst thou kill the father of thy children?” + </p> + <p> + Thereupon the good dyer staggered by the paternal majesty of cuckoldom, + and perhaps also by the fire of his wife’s eyes, let the sword fall upon + the foot of the hunchback, who had followed him, and thus killed him. + </p> + <p> + This teaches us not to be spiteful. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_EPIL" id="link2H_EPIL"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + EPILOGUE + </h2> + <p> + Here endeth the first series of these Tales, a roguish sample of the works + of that merry Muse, born ages ago, in our fair land of Touraine, the which + Muse is a good wench, and knows by heart that fine saying of her friend + Verville, written in <i>Le Moyen de Parvenir</i>: It is only necessary to + be bold to obtain favours. Alas! mad little one, get thee to bed again, + sleep; thou art panting from thy journey; perhaps thou hast been further + than the present time. Now dry thy fair naked feet, stop thine ears, and + return to love. If thou dreamest other poesy interwoven with laughter to + conclude these merry inventions, heed not the foolish clamour and insults + of those who, hearing the carol of a joyous lark of other days, exclaim: + Ah, the horrid bird! + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0017" id="link2H_4_0017"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + +<div class="fig" style="width:35%;"> + <img src="images/207s.jpg" alt="207s " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/207.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a + href="images/207m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a> + </h4> + <h2> + VOLUME II + </h2> + <h3> + THE SECOND TEN TALES + </h3> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + PROLOGUE + </h2> + <p> + Certain persons have reproached the Author for knowing no more about the + language of the olden times than hares do of telling stories. Formerly + these people would have been vilified, called cannibals, churls, and + sycophants, and Gomorrah would have been hinted at as their natal place. + But the Author consents to spare them the flowery epithets of ancient + criticism; he contents himself with wishing not to be in their skin, for + he would be disgusted with himself, and esteem himself the vilest of + scribblers thus to calumniate a poor little book which is not in the style + of any spoil-paper of these times. Ah! ill-natured wretches! you should + save your breath to cool your own porridge! The Author consoles himself + for his want of success in not pleasing everyone by remembering that an + old Tourainian, of eternal memory, had put up with such contumely, that + losing all patience, he declared in one of his prologues, that he would + never more put pen to paper. Another age, but the same manners. Nothing + changes, neither God above nor men below. Thereupon of the Author + continues his task with a light heart, relying upon the future to reward + his heavy labours. + </p> + <p> + And certes, it is a hard task to invent <i>A Hundred Droll Tales</i>, + since not only have ruffians and envious men opened fire upon him, but his + friends have imitated their example, and come to him saying “Are you mad? + Do you think it is possible? No man ever had in the depths of his + imagination a hundred such tales. Change the hyperbolic title of your + budget. You will never finish it.” These people are neither misanthropes + nor cannibals; whether they are ruffians I know not; but for certain they + are kind, good-natured friends; friends who have the courage to tell you + disagreeable things all your life along, who are rough and sharp as + currycombs, under the pretence that they are yours to command, in all the + mishaps of life, and in the hour of extreme unction, all their worth will + be known. If such people would only keep these sad kindnesses; but they + will not. When their terrors are proved to have been idle, they exclaimed + triumphantly, “Ha! ha! I knew it. I always said so.” + </p> + <p> + In order not to discourage fine sentiments, intolerable though they be, + the Author leaves to his friends his old shoes, and in order to make their + minds easy, assures them that he has, legally protected and exempt from + seizure, seventy droll stories, in that reservoir of nature, his brain. By + the gods! they are precious yarns, well rigged out with phrases, carefully + furnished with catastrophes, amply clothed with original humour, rich in + diurnal and nocturnal effects, nor lacking that plot which the human race + has woven each minute, each hour, each week, month, and year of the great + ecclesiastical computation, commenced at a time when the sun could + scarcely see, and the moon waited to be shown her way. These seventy + subjects, which he gives you leave to call bad subjects, full of tricks + and impudence, lust, lies, jokes, jests, and ribaldry, joined to the two + portions here given, are, by the prophet! a small instalment on the + aforesaid hundred. + </p> + <p> + Were it not a bad time for a bibliopolists, bibliomaniacs, bibliographers, + and bibliotheques which hinder bibliolatry, he would have given them in a + bumper, and not drop by drop as if he were afflicted with dysury of the + brain. He cannot possibly be suspected of this infirmity, since he often + gives good weight, putting several stories into one, as is clearly + demonstrated by several in this volume. You may rely on it, that he has + chosen for the finish, the best and most ribald of the lot, in order that + he may not be accused of a senile discourse. Put then more likes with your + dislikes, and dislikes with your likes. Forgetting the niggardly behaviour + of nature to story-tellers, of whom there are not more than seven perfect + in the great ocean of human writers, others, although friendly, have been + of opinion that, at a time when everyone went about dressed in black, as + if in mourning for something, it was necessary to concoct works either + wearisomely serious or seriously wearisome; that a writer could only live + henceforward by enshrining his ideas in some vast edifice, and that those + who were unable to construct cathedrals and castles of which neither stone + nor cement could be moved, would die unknown, like the Pope’s slippers. + The friends were requested to declare which they liked best, a pint of + good wine, or a tun of cheap rubbish; a diamond of twenty-two carats, or a + flintstone weighing a hundred pounds; the ring of Hans Carvel, as told by + Rabelais, or a modern narrative pitifully expectorated by a schoolboy. + Seeing them dumbfounded and abashed, it was calmly said to them, “Do you + thoroughly understand, good people? Then go your ways and mind your own + businesses.” + </p> + <p> + The following, however, must be added, for the benefit of all of whom it + may concern:—The good man to whom we owe fables and stories of + sempiternal authority only used his tool on them, having taken his + material from others; but the workmanship expended on these little figures + has given them a high value; and although he was, like M. Louis Ariosto, + vituperated for thinking of idle pranks and trifles, there is a certain + insect engraved by him which has since become a monument of perennity more + assured than that of the most solidly built works. In the especial + jurisprudence of wit and wisdom the custom is to steal more dearly a leaf + wrested from the book of Nature and Truth, than all the indifferent + volumes from which, however fine they be, it is impossible to extract + either a laugh or a tear. The author has licence to say this without any + impropriety, since it is not his intention to stand upon tiptoe in order + to obtain an unnatural height, but because it is a question of the majesty + of his art, and not of himself—a poor clerk of the court, whose + business it is to have ink in his pen, to listen to the gentleman on the + bench, and take down the sayings of each witness in this case. He is + responsible for workmanship, Nature for the rest, since from the Venus of + Phidias the Athenian, down to the little old fellow, Godenot, commonly + called the Sieur Breloque, a character carefully elaborated by one of the + most celebrated authors of the present day, everything is studied from the + eternal model of human imitations which belongs to all. At this honest + business, happy are the robbers that they are not hanged, but esteemed and + beloved. But he is a triple fool, a fool with ten horns on his head, who + struts, boasts, and is puffed up at an advantage due to the hazard of + dispositions, because glory lies only in the cultivation of the faculties, + in patience and courage. + </p> + <p> + As for the soft-voiced and pretty-mouthed ones, who have whispered + delicately in the author’s ear, complaining to him that they have + disarranged their tresses and spoiled their petticoats in certain places, + he would say to them, “Why did you go there?” To these remarks he is + compelled, through the notable slanders of certain people, to add a notice + to the well-disposed, in order that they may use it, and end the calumnies + of the aforesaid scribblers concerning him. + </p> + +<div class="fig" style="width:35%;"> + <img src="images/213s.jpg" alt="213s " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/213.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a + href="images/213m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + These droll tales are written—according to all authorities—at + that period when Queen Catherine, of the house of Medici, was hard at + work; for, during a great portion of the reign, she was always interfering + with public affairs to the advantage of our holy religion. The which time + has seized many people by the throat, from our defunct Master Francis, + first of that name, to the Assembly at Blois, where fell M. de Guise. Now, + even schoolboys who play at chuck-farthing, know that at this period of + insurrection, pacifications and disturbances, the language of France was a + little disturbed also, on account of the inventions of the poets, who at + that time, as at this, used each to make a language for himself, besides + the strange Greek, Latin, Italian, German, and Swiss words, foreign + phrases, and Spanish jargon, introduced by foreigners, so that a poor + writer has plenty of elbow room in this Babelish language, which has since + been taken in hand by Messieurs de Balzac, Blaise Pascal, Furetiere, + Menage, St. Evremonde, de Malherbe, and others, who first cleaned out the + French language, sent foreign words to the rightabout, and gave the right + of citizenship to legitimate words used and known by everyone, but of + which the Sieur Ronsard was ashamed. + </p> + <p> + Having finished, the author returns to his lady-love, wishing every + happiness to those by whom he is beloved; to the others misfortune + according to their deserts. When the swallows fly homeward, he will come + again, not without the third and fourth volume, which he here promises to + the Pantagruelists, merry knaves, and honest wags of all degrees, who have + a wholesome horror of the sadness, sombre meditation and melancholy of + literary croakers. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0021" id="link2H_4_0021"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + THE THREE CLERKS OF ST. NICHOLAS + </h2> + <p> + The <i>Inn of the Three Barbels</i> was formerly at Tours, the best place + in the town for sumptuous fare; and the landlord, reputed the best of + cooks, went to prepare wedding breakfasts as far as Chatelherault, Loches, + Vendome, and Blois. This said man, an old fox, perfect in his business, + never lighted lamps in the day time, knew how to skin a flint, charged for + wool, leather, and feathers, had an eye to everything, did not easily let + anyone pay with chaff instead of coin, and for a penny less than his + account would have affronted even a prince. For the rest, he was a good + banterer, drinking and laughing with his regular customers, hat in hand + always before the persons furnished with plenary indulgences entitled <i>Sit + nomen Domini benedictum</i>, running them into expense, and proving to + them, if need were, by sound argument, that wines were dear, and that + whatever they might think, nothing was given away in Touraine, everything + had to be bought, and, at the same time, paid for. In short, if he could + without disgrace have done so, he would have reckoned so much for the good + air, and so much for the view of the country. Thus he built up a tidy + fortune with other people’s money, became as round as a butt, larded with + fat, and was called Monsieur. At the time of the last fair three young + fellows, who were apprentices in knavery, in whom there was more of the + material that makes thieves than saints, and who knew just how far it was + possible to go without catching their necks in the branches of trees, made + up their minds to amuse themselves, and live well, condemning certain + hawkers or others in all the expenses. Now these limbs of Satan gave the + slip to their masters, under whom they had been studying the art of + parchment scrawling, and came to stay at the hotel of the Three Barbels, + where they demanded the best rooms, turned the place inside out, turned up + their noses at everything, bespoke all the lampreys in the market, and + announced themselves as first-class merchants, who never carried their + goods with them, and travelled only with their persons. The host bustled + about, turned the spits, and prepared a glorious repast, for these three + dodgers, who had already made noise enough for a hundred crowns, and who + most certainly would not even have given up the copper coins which one of + them was jingling in his pocket. But if they were hard up for money they + did not want for ingenuity, and all three arranged to play their parts + like thieves at a fair. Theirs was a farce in which there was plenty of + eating and drinking, since for five days they so heartily attacked every + kind of provision that a party of German soldiers would have spoiled less + than they obtained by fraud. These three cunning fellows made their way to + the fair after breakfast, well primed, gorged, and big in the belly, and + did as they liked with the greenhorns and others, robbing, filching, + playing, and losing, taking down the writings and signs and changing them, + putting that of the toyman over the jeweller’s, and that of the jeweller’s + outside the shoe maker’s, turning the shops inside out, making the dogs + fight, cutting the ropes of tethered horses, throwing cats among the + crowd, crying, “Stop thief!” And saying to every one they met, “Are you + not Monsieur D’Enterfesse of Angiers?” Then they hustled everyone, making + holes in the sacks of flour, looking for their handkerchiefs in ladies’ + pockets, raising their skirts, crying, looking for a lost jewel and saying + to them— + </p> + <p> + “Ladies, it has fallen into a hole!” + </p> + <p> + They directed the little children wrongly, slapped the stomachs of those + who were gaping in the air, and prowled about, fleecing and annoying every + one. In short, the devil would have been a gentleman in comparison with + these blackguard students, who would have been hanged rather than do an + honest action; as well have expected charity from two angry litigants. + They left the fair, not fatigued, but tired of ill-doing, and spent the + remainder of their time over dinner until the evening when they + recommenced their pranks by torchlight. After the peddlers, they commenced + operations on the ladies of the town, to whom, by a thousand dodges, they + gave only that which they received, according to the axiom of Justinian: + <i>Cuiqum jus tribuere</i>. “To every one his own juice;” and afterwards + jokingly said to the poor wenches— + </p> + <p> + “We are in the right and you are in the wrong.” + </p> + <p> + At last, at supper-time, having nothing else to do, they began to knock + each other about, and to keep the game alive, complained of the flies to + the landlord, remonstrating with him that elsewhere the innkeepers had + them caught in order that gentleman of position might not be annoyed by + them. However, towards the fifth day, which is the critical day of fevers, + the host not having seen, although he kept his eyes wide open, the royal + surface of a crown, and knowing that if all that glittered were gold it + would be cheaper, began to knit his brows and go more slowly about that + which his high-class merchants required of him. Fearing that he had made a + bad bargain with them, he tried to sound the depth of their pockets; + perceiving which the three clerks ordered him with the assurance of a + Provost hanging his man, to serve them quickly with a good supper as they + had to depart immediately. Their merry countenances dismissed the host’s + suspicions. Thinking that rogues without money would certainly look grave, + he prepared a supper worthy of a canon, wishing even to see them drunk, in + order the more easily to clap them in jail in the event of an accident. + Not knowing how to make their escape from the room, in which they were + about as much at their ease as are fish upon straw, the three companions + ate and drank immoderately, looking at the situation of the windows, + waiting the moment to decamp, but not getting the opportunity. Cursing + their luck, one of them wished to go and undo his waistcoat, on account of + a colic, the other to fetch a doctor to the third, who did his best to + faint. The cursed landlord kept dodging about from the kitchen into the + room, and from the room into the kitchen, watching the nameless ones, and + going a step forward to save his crowns, and going a step back to save his + crown, in case they should be real gentlemen; and he acted like a brave + and prudent host who likes halfpence and objects to kicks; but under + pretence of properly attending to them, he always had an ear in the room, + and a foot in the court; fancied he was always being called by them, came + every time they laughed, showing them a face with an unsettled look upon + it, and always said, “Gentlemen, what is your pleasure?” This was an + interrogatory in reply to which they would willingly have given him ten + inches of his own spit in his stomach, because he appeared as if he knew + very well what would please them at this juncture, seeing that to have + twenty crowns, full weight, they would each of them have sold a third of + his eternity. You can imagine they sat on their seats as if they were + gridirons, that their feet itched and their posteriors were rather warm. + Already the host had put the pears, the cheese, and the preserves near + their noses, but they, sipping their liquor, and picking at the dishes, + looked at each other to see if either of them had found a good piece of + roguery in his sack, and they all began to enjoy themselves rather + woefully. The most cunning of the three clerks, who was a Burgundian, + smiled and said, seeing the hour of payment arrived, “This must stand over + for a week,” as if they had been at the Palais de Justice. The two others, + in spite of the danger, began to laugh. + </p> + <p> + “What do we owe?” asked he who had in his belt the heretofore mentioned + twelve sols and he turned them about as though he would make them breed + little ones by this excited movement. He was a native of Picardy, and very + passionate; a man to take offence at anything in order that he might throw + the landlord out the window in all security of conscience. Now he said + these words with the air of a man of immense wealth. + </p> + <p> + “Six crowns, gentlemen,” replied the host, holding out his hand. + </p> + <p> + “I cannot permit myself to be entertained by you alone, Viscount,” said + the third student, who was from Anjou, and as artful as a woman in love. + </p> + <p> + “Neither can I,” said the Burgundian. + </p> + <p> + “Gentlemen! Gentlemen!” replied the Picardian “you are jesting. I am yours + to command.” + </p> + <p> + “Sambreguoy!” cried he of Anjou. “You will not let us pay three times; our + host would not suffer it.” + </p> + <p> + “Well then,” said the Burgundian, “whichever of us shall tell the worst + tale shall justify the landlord.” + </p> + <p> + “Who will be the judge?” asked the Picardian, dropping his twelve sols to + the bottom of his pocket. + </p> + <p> + “Pardieu! our host. He should be capable, seeing that he is a man of + taste,” said he of Anjou. “Come along, great chef, sit you down, drink, + and lend us both your ears. The audience is open.” + </p> + <p> + Thereupon the host sat down, but not until he had poured out a gobletful + of wine. + </p> + <p> + “My turn first,” said the Anjou man. “I commence.” + </p> + <p> + “In our Duchy of Anjou, the country people are very faithful servants to + our Holy of Catholic religion, and none of them will lose his portion of + paradise for lack of doing penance or killing a heretic. If a professor of + heresy passed that way, he quickly found himself under the grass, without + knowing whence his death had proceeded. A good man of Larze, returning one + night from his evening prayer to the wine flasks of Pomme-de-Pin, where he + had left his understanding and memory, fell into a ditch full of water + near his house, and found he was up to his neck. One of the neighbours + finding him shortly afterwards nearly frozen, for it was winter time, said + jokingly to him— + </p> + <p> + “‘Hulloa! What are you waiting for there?’ + </p> + <p> + “‘A thaw’, said the tipsy fellow, finding himself held by the ice. + </p> + <p> + “Then Godenot, like a good Christian, released him from his dilemma, and + opened the door of the house to him, out of respect to the wine, which is + lord of this country. The good man then went and got into the bed of the + maid-servant, who was a young and pretty wench. The old bungler, bemuddled + with wine, went ploughing in the wrong land, fancying all the time it was + his wife by his side, and thanking her for the youth and freshness she + still retained. On hearing her husband, the wife began to cry out, and by + her terrible shrieks the man was awakened to the fact that he was not in + the road to salvation, which made the poor labourer sorrowful beyond + expression. + </p> + <p> + “‘Ah! said he; ‘God has punished me for not going to vespers at Church.’ + </p> + <p> + “And he began to excuse himself as best he could, saying, that the wine + had muddled his understanding, and getting into his own bed he kept + repeating to his good wife, that for his best cow he would not have had + this sin upon his conscience. + </p> + <p> + “‘My dear’, said she, ‘go and confess the first thing tomorrow morning, + and let us say no more about it.’ + </p> + <p> + “The good man trotted to confessional, and related his case with all + humility to the rector of the parish, who was a good old priest, capable + of being up above, the slipper of the holy foot. + </p> + <p> + “‘An error is not a sin,’ said he to the penitent. ‘You will fast + tomorrow, and be absolved.’ + </p> + <p> + “‘Fast!—with pleasure,’ said the good man. ‘That does not mean go + without drink.’ + </p> + <p> + “‘Oh!’ replied the rector, ‘you must drink water, and eat nothing but a + quarter of a loaf and an apple.’ + </p> + <p> + “Then the good man, who had no confidence in his memory, went home, + repeating to himself the penance ordered. But having loyally commenced + with a quarter of a loaf and an apple, he arrived at home, saying, a + quarter of apples, and a loaf. + </p> + <p> + “Then, to purify his soul, he set about accomplishing his fast, and his + good woman having given him a loaf from the safe, and unhooked a string of + apples from the beam, he set sorrowfully to work. As he heaved a sigh on + taking the last mouthful of bread hardly knowing where to put it, for he + was full to the chin, his wife remonstrated with him, that God did not + desire the death of a sinner, and that for lack of putting a crust of + bread in his belly, he would not be reproached for having put things in + their wrong places. + </p> + <p> + “‘Hold your tongue, wife!’ said he. ‘If it chokes me, I must fast.’” + </p> + <p> + “I’ve payed my share, it’s your turn, Viscount,” added he of Anjou, giving + the Picardian a knowing wink. + </p> + <p> + “The goblets are empty. Hi, there! More wine.” + </p> + <p> + “Let us drink,” cried the Picardian. “Moist stories slip out easier.” + </p> + <p> + At the same time he tossed off a glassful without leaving a drop at the + bottom, and after a preliminary little cough, he related the following:— + </p> + <p> + “You must know that the maids of Picardy, before setting up housekeeping, + are accustomed honestly to gain their linen, vessels, and chests; in + short, all the needed household utensils. To accomplish this, they go into + service in Peronne, Abbeville, Amiens, and other towns, where they are + tire-women, wash up glasses, clean plates, fold linen, and carry up the + dinner, or anything that there is to be carried. They are all married as + soon as they possess something else besides that which they naturally + bring to their husbands. These women are the best housewives, because they + understand the business and everything else thoroughly. One belonging to + Azonville, which is the land of which I am lord by inheritance, having + heard speak of Paris, where the people did not put themselves out of the + way for anyone, and where one could subsist for a whole day by passing the + cook’s shops, and smelling the steam, so fattening was it, took it into + her head to go there. She trudged bravely along the road, and arrived with + a pocket full of emptiness. There she fell in, at the Porte St. Denise, + with a company of soldiers, placed there for a time as a vidette, for the + Protestants had assumed a dangerous attitude. The sergeant seeing this + hooded linnet coming, stuck his headpiece on one side, straightened his + feather, twisted his moustache, cleared his throat, rolled his eyes, put + his hand on his hips, and stopped the Picardian to see if her ears were + properly pierced, since it was forbidden to girls to enter otherwise into + Paris. Then he asked her, by way of a joke, but with a serious face, what + brought her there, he pretending to believe she had come to take the keys + of Paris by assault. To which the poor innocent replied, that she was in + search of a good situation, and had no evil intentions, only desiring to + gain something. + </p> + <p> + “‘Very well; I will employ you,’ said the wag. ‘I am from Picardy, and + will get you taken in here, where you will be treated as a queen would + often like to be, and you will be able to make a good thing of it.’ + </p> + <p> + “Then he led her to the guard-house, where he told her to sweep the floor, + polish the saucepans, stir the fire, and keep a watch on everything, + adding that she should have thirty sols a head from the men if their + service pleased her. Now seeing that the squad was there for a month, she + would be able to gain ten crowns, and at their departure would find fresh + arrivals who would make good arrangements with her, and by this means she + would be able to take back money and presents to her people. The girl + cleaned the room and prepared the meals so well, singing and humming, that + this day the soldiers found in their den the look of a monk’s refectory. + Then all being well content, each of them gave a sol to their handmaiden. + Well satisfied, they put her into the bed of their commandant, who was in + town with his lady, and they petted and caressed her after the manner of + philosophical soldiers, that is, soldiers partial to that which is good. + She was soon comfortably ensconced between the sheets. But to avoid + quarrels and strife, my noble warriors drew lots for their turn, arranged + themselves in single file, playing well at Pique hardie, saying not a + word, but each one taking at least twenty-six sols worth of the girl’s + society. Although not accustomed to work for so many, the poor girl did + her best, and by this means never closed her eyes the whole night. In the + morning, seeing the soldiers were fast asleep, she rose happy at bearing + no marks of the sharp skirmish, and although slightly fatigued, managed to + get across the fields into the open country with her thirty sols. On the + route to Picardy, she met one of her friends, who, like herself, wished to + try service in Paris, and was hurrying thither, and seeing her, asked her + what sort of places they were. + </p> + <p> + “‘Ah! Perrine; do not go. You want to be made of iron, and even if you + were it would soon be worn away,’ was the answer. + </p> + <p> + “Now, big-belly of Burgundy,” said he, giving his neighbour a hearty slap, + “spit out your story or pay!” + </p> + <p> + “By the queen of Antlers!” replied the Burgundian, “by my faith, by the + saints, by God! and by the devil, I know only stories of the Court of + Burgundy, which are only current coin in our own land.” + </p> + <p> + “Eh, ventre Dieu! are we not in the land of Beauffremont?” cried the + other, pointing to the empty goblets. + </p> + <p> + “I will tell you, then, an adventure well known at Dijon, which happened + at the time I was in command there, and was worth being written down. + There was a sergeant of justice named Franc-Taupin, who was an old lump of + mischief, always grumbling, always fighting; stiff and starchy, and never + comforting those he was leading to the hulks, with little jokes by the + way; and in short, he was just the man to find lice in bald heads, and bad + behaviour in the Almighty. This said Taupin, spurned by every one, took + unto himself a wife, and by chance he was blessed with one as mild as the + peel of an onion, who, noticing the peculiar humour of her husband, took + more pains to bring joy to his house than would another to bestow horns + upon him. But although she was careful to obey him in all things, and to + live at peace would have tried to excrete gold for him, had God permitted + it, this man was always surly and crabbed, and no more spared his wife + blows, than does a debtor promises to the bailiff’s man. This unpleasant + treatment continuing in spite of the carefulness and angelic behaviour of + the poor woman, she being unable to accustom herself to it, was compelled + to inform her relations, who thereupon came to the house. When they + arrived, the husband declared to them that his wife was an idiot, that she + displeased him in every possible way, and made his life almost unbearable; + that she would wake him out of his first sleep, never came to the door + when he knocked, but would leave him out in the rain and the cold, and + that the house was always untidy. His garments were buttonless, his laces + wanted tags. The linen was spoiling, the wine turning sour, the wood damp, + and the bed was always creaking at unreasonable moments. In short, + everything was going wrong. To this tissue of falsehoods, the wife replied + by pointing to the clothes and things, all in a state of thorough repair. + Then the sergeant said that he was very badly treated, that his dinner was + never ready for him, or if it was, the broth was thin or the soup cold, + either the wine or the glasses were forgotten, the meat was without gravy + or parsley, the mustard had turned, he either found hairs in the dish or + the cloth was dirty and took away his appetite, indeed nothing did she + ever get for him that was to his liking. The wife, astonished, contented + herself with stoutly denying the fault imputed to her. ‘Ah,’ said he, ‘you + dirty hussy! You deny it, do you! Very well then, my friends, you come and + dine here to-day, you shall be witnesses of her misconduct. And if she can + for once serve me properly, I will confess myself wrong in all I have + stated, and will never lift my hand against her again, but will resign to + her my halberd and my breeches, and give her full authority here.’ + </p> + <p> + “‘Oh, well,’ said she, joyfully, ‘I shall then henceforth be both wife and + mistress!’ + </p> + <p> + “Then the husband, confident of the nature and imperfections of his wife, + desired that the dinner should be served under the vine arbor, thinking + that he would be able to shout at her if she did not hurry quickly enough + from the table to the pantry. The good housewife set to work with a will. + The plates were clean enough to see one’s face in, the mustard was fresh + and well made, the dinner beautifully cooked, as appetising as stolen + fruit; the glasses were clear, the wine was cool, and everything so nice, + so clean and white, that the repast would have done honour to a bishop’s + chatterbox. Just as she was standing before the table, casting that last + glance which all good housewives like to give everything, her husband + knocked at the door. At that very moment a cursed hen, who had taken it + into her head to get on top of the arbor to gorge herself with grapes, let + fall a large lump of dirt right in the middle of the cloth. The poor woman + was half dead with fright; so great was her despair, she could think of no + other way of remedying the thoughtlessness of the fowl then by covering + the unseemly patch with a plate in which she put the fine fruits taken at + random from her pocket, losing sight altogether of the symmetry of the + table. Then, in order that no one should notice it, she instantly fetched + the soup, seated every one in his place, and begged them to enjoy + themselves. + </p> + <p> + “Now, all of them seeing everything so well arranged, uttered exclamations + of pleasure, except the diabolical husband, who remained moody and sullen, + knitting his brows and looking for a straw on which to hang a quarrel with + his wife. Thinking it safe to give him one for himself, her relations + being present, she said to him, ‘Here’s your dinner, nice and hot, well + served, the cloth is clean, the salt-cellars full, the plates clean, the + wine fresh, the bread well baked. What is there lacking? What do you + require? What do you desire? What else do you want?’ + </p> + <p> + “‘Oh, filth!’ said he, in a great rage. + </p> + <p> + “The good woman instantly lifted the plate, and replied— + </p> + <p> + “‘There you are, my dear!’ + </p> + <p> + “Seeing which, the husband was dumbfounded, thinking that the devil was in + league with his wife. He was immediately gravely reproached by the + relations, who declared him to be in the wrong, abused him, and made more + jokes at his expense than a recorder writes words in a month. From that + time forward the sergeant lived comfortably and peaceably with his wife, + who at the least appearance of temper on his part, would say to him— + </p> + <p> + “‘Do you want some filth?’” + </p> + <p> + “Who has told the worst now?” cried the Anjou man, giving the host a tap + on the shoulder. + </p> + <p> + “He has! He has!” said the two others. Then they began to dispute among + themselves, like the holy fathers in council; seeking, by creating a + confusion, throwing the glasses at each other, and jumping about, a lucky + chance, to make a run of it. + </p> + <p> + “I’ll settle the question,” cried the host, seeing that whereas they had + all three been ready with their own accounts, not one of them was thinking + of his. + </p> + <p> + They stopped terrified. + </p> + <p> + “I will tell you a better one than all, then you will have to give ten + sols a head.” + </p> + <p> + “Silence for the landlord,” said the one from Anjou. + </p> + <p> + “In our fauborg of Notre-dame la Riche, in which this inn is situated, + there lived a beautiful girl, who besides her natural advantages, had a + good round sum in her keeping. Therefore, as soon as she was old enough, + and strong enough to bear the matrimonial yoke, she had as many lovers as + there are sols in St. Gatien’s money-box on the Paschal-day. The girl + chose one who, saving your presence, was as good a worker, night and day, + as any two monks together. They were soon betrothed, and the marriage was + arranged; but the joy of the first night did not draw nearer without + occasioning some slight apprehensions to the lady, as she was liable, + through an infirmity, to expel vapours, which came out like bombshells. + Now, fearing that when thinking of something else, during the first night, + she might give the reins to her eccentricities, she stated the case to her + mother, whose assistance she invoked. That good lady informed her that + this faculty of engineering wind was inherent in the family; that in her + time she had been greatly embarrassed by it, but only in the earlier + period of her life. God had been kind to her, and since the age of seven, + she had evaporated nothing except on the last occasion when she had + bestowed upon her dead husband a farewell blow. ‘But,’ said she to her + daughter, ‘I have ever a sure specific, left to me by my mother, which + brings these surplus explosions to nothing, and exhales them noiselessly. + By this means these sighs become odourless, and scandal is avoided.’ + </p> + <p> + “The girl, much pleased, learned how to sail close to the wind, thanked + her mother, and danced away merrily, storing up her flatulence like an + organ-blower waiting for the first note of mass. Entering the nuptial + chamber, she determined to expel it when getting into bed, but the + fantastic element was beyond control. The husband came; I leave you to + imagine how love’s conflict sped. In the middle of the night, the bride + arose under a false pretext, and quickly returned again; but when climbing + into her place, the pent up force went off with such a loud discharge, + that you would have thought with me that the curtains were split. + </p> + <p> + “‘Ha! I’ve missed my aim!’ said she. + </p> + <p> + “‘’Sdeath, my dear!’ I replied, ‘then spare your powder. You would earn a + good living in the army with that artillery.’ + </p> + <p> + “It was my wife.” + </p> + <p> + “Ha! ha! ha!” went the clerks. + </p> + <p> + And they roared with laughter, holding their sides and complimenting their + host. + </p> + <p> + “Did you ever hear a better story, Viscount?” + </p> + <p> + “Ah, what a story!” + </p> + <p> + “That is a story!” + </p> + <p> + “A master story!” + </p> + <p> + “The king of stories!” + </p> + <p> + “Ha, ha! It beats all the other stories hollow. After that I say there are + no stories like the stories of our host.” + </p> + <p> + “By the faith of a Christian, I never heard a better story in my life.” + </p> + <p> + “Why, I can hear the report.” + </p> + <p> + “I should like to kiss the orchestra.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! gentlemen,” said the Burgundian, gravely, “we cannot leave without + seeing the hostess, and if we do not ask to kiss this famous + wind-instrument, it is a out of respect for so good a story-teller.” + </p> + <p> + Thereupon they all exalted the host, his story, and his wife’s trumpet so + well that the old fellow, believing in these knaves’ laughter and pompous + eulogies, called to his wife. But as she did not come, the clerks said, + not without frustrative intention, “Let us go to her.” + </p> + <p> + Thereupon they all went out of the room. The host took the candle and went + upstairs first, to light them and show them the way; but seeing the street + door ajar, the rascals took to their heels, and were off like shadows, + leaving the host to take in settlement of his account another of his + wife’s offerings. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0022" id="link2H_4_0022"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + THE CONTINENCE OF KING FRANCIS THE FIRST + </h2> + <p> + Every one knows through what adventure King Francis, the first of that + name, was taken like a silly bird and led into the town of Madrid, in + Spain. There the Emperor Charles V. kept him carefully locked up, like an + article of great value, in one of his castles, in the which our defunct + sire, of immortal memory, soon became listless and weary, seeing that he + loved the open air, and his little comforts, and no more understood being + shut up in a cage than a cat would folding up lace. He fell into moods of + such strange melancholy that his letters having been read in full council, + Madame d’Angouleme, his mother; Madame Catherine, the Dauphine, Monsieur + de Montmorency, and those who were at the head of affairs in France + knowing the great lechery of the king, determined after mature + deliberation, to send Queen Marguerite to him, from whom he would + doubtless receive alleviation of his sufferings, that good lady being much + loved by him, and merry, and learned in all necessary wisdom. But she, + alleging that it would be dangerous for her soul, because it was + impossible for her, without great danger to be alone with the king in his + cell, a sharp secretary, the Sieur de Fizes, was sent to the Court of + Rome, with orders to beg of the pontiff a papal brief of special + indulgences, containing proper absolutions for the petty sins which, + looking at their consanguinity, the said queen might commit with a view to + cure the king’s melancholy. + </p> + <p> + At this time, Adrian VI., the Dutchman, still wore the tiara, who, a good + fellow, for the rest did not forget, in spite of the scholastic ties which + united him to the emperor, that the eldest son of the Catholic Church was + concerned in the affair, and was good enough to send to Spain an express + legate, furnished with full powers, to attempt the salvation of the + queen’s soul, and the king’s body, without prejudice to God. This most + urgent affair made the gentleman very uneasy, and caused an itching in the + feet of the ladies, who, from great devotion to the crown, would all have + offered to go to Madrid, but for the dark mistrust of Charles the Fifth, + who would not grant the king’s permission to any of his subjects, nor even + the members of his family. It was therefore necessary to negotiate the + departure of the Queen of Navarre. Then, nothing else was spoken about but + this deplorable abstinence, and the lack of amorous exercise so vexatious + to a prince, who was much accustomed to it. In short, from one thing to + another, the women finished by thinking more of the king’s condition, than + of the king himself. The queen was the first to say that she wished she + had wings. To this Monseigneur Odet de Chatillon replied, that she had no + need of them to be an angel. One that was Madame l’Amirale, blamed God + that it was not possible to send by a messenger that which the poor king + so much required; and every one of the ladies would have lent it in her + turn. + </p> + <p> + “God has done very well to fix it,” said the Dauphine, quietly; “for our + husbands would leave us rather badly off during their absence.” + </p> + <p> + So much was said and so much thought upon the subject, that at her + departure the Queen of all Marguerites was charged, by these good + Christians, to kiss the captive heartily for all the ladies of the realm; + and if it had been permissible to prepare pleasure like mustard, the queen + would have been laden with enough to sell to the two Castiles. + </p> + <p> + While Madame Marguerite was, in spite of the snow, crossing the mountains, + by relays of mule, hurrying on to these consolations as to a fire, the + king found himself harder pressed by unsatisfied desire than he had ever + been before, or would be again. In this reverberation of nature, he opened + his heart to the Emperor Charles, in order that he might be provided with + a merciful specific, urging upon him that it would be an everlasting + disgrace to one king to let another die for lack of gallantry. The + Castilian showed himself to be a generous man. Thinking that he would be + able to recuperate himself for the favour granted out of his guest’s + ransom, he hinted quietly to the people commissioned to guard the + prisoner, that they might gratify him in this respect. Thereupon a certain + Don Hiios de Lara y Lopez Barra di Pinto, a poor captain, whose pockets + were empty in spite of his genealogy, and who had been for some time + thinking of seeking his fortune at the Court of France, fancied that by + procuring his majesty a soft cataplasm of warm flesh, he would open for + himself an honestly fertile door; and indeed, those who know the character + of the good king and his court, can decide if he deceived himself. + </p> + <p> + When the above mentioned captain came in his turn into the chamber of the + French king, he asked him respectfully if it was his good pleasure to + permit him an interrogation on a subject concerning which he was as + curious as about papal indulgences? To which the Prince, casting aside his + hypochondriacal demeanour, and twisting round on the chair in which he was + seated, gave a sign of consent. The captain begged him not to be offended + at the licence of his language, and confessed to him, that he the king was + said to be one of the most amorous men in France, and he would be glad to + learn from him if the ladies of the court were expert in the adventures of + love. The poor king, calling to mind his many adventures, gave vent to a + deep-drawn sigh, and exclaimed, that no woman of any country, including + those of the moon, knew better than the ladies of France the secrets of + this alchemy and at the remembrance of the savoury, gracious, and vigorous + fondling of one alone, he felt himself the man, were she then within his + reach, to clasp her to his heart, even on a rotten plank a hundred feet + above a precipice. + </p> + <p> + Say which, this good king, a ribald fellow, if ever there was one, shot + forth so fiercely life and light from his eyes, that the captain, though a + brave man, felt a quaking in his inside so fiercely flamed the sacred + majesty of royal love. But recovering his courage he began to defend the + Spanish ladies, declaring that in Castile alone was love properly + understood, because it was the most religious place in Christendom, and + the more fear the women had of damning themselves by yielding to a lover, + the more their souls were in the affair, because they knew they must take + their pleasure then against eternity. He further added, that if the Lord + King would wager one of the best and most profitable manors in the kingdom + of France, he would give him a Spanish night of love, in which a casual + queen should, unless he took care, draw his soul from his body. + </p> + <p> + “Done,” said the king, jumping from his chair. “I’ll give thee, by God, + the manor of Ville-aux-Dames in my province of Touraine, with full + privilege of chase, of high and low jurisdiction.” + </p> + <p> + Then, the captain, who was acquainted with the Donna of the Cardinal + Archbishop of Toledo requested her to smother the King of France with + kindness, and demonstrate to him the great advantage of the Castilian + imagination over the simple movement of the French. To which the Marchesa + of Amaesguy consented for the honour of Spain, and also for the pleasure + of knowing of what paste God made Kings, a matter in which she was + ignorant, having experience only of the princes of the Church. Then she + became passionate as a lion that has broken out of his cage, and made the + bones of the king crack in a manner that would have killed any other man. + But the above-named lord was so well furnished, so greedy, and so will + bitten, he no longer felt a bite; and from this terrible duel the Marchesa + emerged abashed, believing she had the devil to confess. + </p> + <p> + The captain, confident in his agent, came to salute his lord, thinking to + do honour for his fief. Thereupon the king said to him, in a jocular + manner, that the Spanish ladies were of a passable temperature, and their + system a fair one, but that when gentleness was required they substituted + frenzy; that he kept fancying each thrill was a sneeze, or a case of + violence; in short, that the embrace of a French woman brought back the + drinker more thirsty than ever, tiring him never; and that with the ladies + of his court, love was a gentle pleasure without parallel, and not the + labour of a master baker in his kneading trough. + </p> + +<div class="fig" style="width:35%;"> + <img src="images/235s.jpg" alt="235s " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/235.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a + href="images/235m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + The poor captain was strongly piqued at his language. In spite of the nice + sense of honour which the king pretended to possess, he fancied that his + majesty wished to bilk him like a student, stealing a slice of love at a + brothel in Paris. Nevertheless, not knowing for the matter of that, if the + Marchesa had not over-spanished the king, he demanded his revenge from the + captive, pledging him his word, that he should have for certain a + veritable fay, and that he would yet gain the fief. The king was too + courteous and gallant a knight to refuse this request, and even made a + pretty and right royal speech, intimating his desire to lose the wager. + Then, after vespers, the guard passed fresh and warm into the king’s + chamber, a lady most dazzlingly white—most delicately wanton, with + long tresses and velvet hands, filling out her dress at the least + movement, for she was gracefully plump, with a laughing mouth, and eyes + moist in advance, a woman to beautify hell, and whose first word had such + cordial power that the king’s garment was cracked by it. On the morrow, + after the fair one had slipped out after the king’s breakfast, the good + captain came radiant and triumphant into the chamber. + </p> + <p> + At sight of him the prisoner then exclaimed— + </p> + <p> + “Baron de la Ville-aux-Dames! God grant you joys like to mine! I like my + jail! By’r lady, I will not judge between the love of our lands, but pay + the wager.” + </p> + <p> + “I was sure of it,” said the captain. + </p> + <p> + “How so?” said the King. + </p> + <p> + “Sire, it was my wife.” + </p> + <p> + This was the origin of Larray de la Ville-aux-Dames in our country, since + from corruption of the names, that of Lara-y-Lopez, finished by becoming + Larray. It was a good family, delighting in serving the kings of France, + and it multiplied exceedingly. Soon after, the Queen of Navarre came in + due course to the king, who, weary of Spanish customs, wished to disport + himself after the fashion of France; but remainder is not the subject of + this narrative. I reserve to myself the right to relate elsewhere how the + legate managed to sponge the sin of the thing off the great slate, and the + delicate remark of our Queen of Marguerites, who merits a saint’s niche in + this collection; she who first concocted such good stories. The morality + of this one is easy to understand. + </p> + <p> + In the first place, kings should never let themselves be taken in battle + any more than their archetype in the game of the Grecian chief Palamedes. + But from this, it appears the captivity of its king is a most calamitous + and horrible evil to fall on the populace. If it had been a queen, or even + a princess, what worse fate? But I believe the thing could not happen + again, except with cannibals. Can there ever be a reason for imprisoning + the flower of a realm? I think too well of Ashtaroth, Lucifer, and others, + to imagine that did they reign, they would hide the joy of all the + beneficent light, at which poor sufferers warm themselves. And it was + necessary that the worst of devils, <i>id est</i>, a wicked old heretic + woman, should find herself upon a throne, to keep a prisoner sweet Mary of + Scotland, to the shame of all the knights of Christendom, who should have + come without previous assignation to the foot of Fotheringay, and have + left thereof no single stone. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0023" id="link2H_4_0023"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + THE MERRY TATTLE OF THE NUNS OF POISSY + </h2> + <p> + The Abbey of Poissy has been rendered famous by old authors as a place of + pleasure, where the misconduct of the nuns first began, and whence + proceeded so many good stories calculated to make laymen laugh at the + expense of our holy religion. The said abbey by this means became fertile + in proverbs, which none of the clever folks of our day understand, + although they sift and chew them in order to digest them. + </p> + <p> + If you ask one of them what the <i>olives of Poissy</i> are, they will + answer you gravely that it is a periphrase relating to truffles, and that + the <i>way to serve them</i>, of which one formerly spoke, when joking + with these virtuous maidens, meant a peculiar kind of sauce. That’s the + way the scribblers hit on truth once in a hundred times. To return to + these good recluses, it was said—by way of a joke, of course—that + they preferred finding a harlot in their chemises to a good woman. Certain + other jokers reproached them with imitating the lives of the saints, in + their own fashion, and said that all they admired in Mary of Egypt was her + fashion of paying the boatmen. From whence the raillery: To honour the + saints after the fashion of Poissy. There is still the crucifix of Poissy, + which kept the stomachs warm; and the matins of Poissy, which concluded + with a little chorister. Finally, of a hearty jade well acquainted with + the ways of love, it was said—She is a nun of Poissy. That property + of a man which he can only lend, was The key of the Abbey of Poissy. What + the gate of the said abbey was can easily be guessed. This gate, door, + wicket, opening, or road was always half open, was easier to open than to + shut, and cost much in repairs. In short, at that period, there was no + fresh device in love invented, that had not its origin in the good convent + of Poissy. You may be sure there is a good deal of untruth and + hyperbolical emphasis, in these proverbs, jests, jokes, and idle tales. + The nuns of the said Poissy were good young ladies, who now this way, now + that, cheated God to the profit of the devil, as many others did, which + was but natural, because our nature is weak; and although they were nuns, + they had their little imperfections. They found themselves barren in a + certain particular, hence the evil. But the truth of the matter is, all + these wickednesses were the deeds of an abbess who had fourteen children, + all born alive, since they had been perfected at leisure. The fantastic + amours and the wild conduct of this woman, who was of royal blood, caused + the convent of Poissy to become fashionable; and thereafter no pleasant + adventure happened in the abbeys of France which was not credited to these + poor girls, who would have been well satisfied with a tenth of them. Then + the abbey was reformed, and these holy sisters were deprived of the little + happiness and liberty which they had enjoyed. In an old cartulary of the + abbey of Turpenay, near Chinon, which in those later troublous times had + found a resting place in the library of Azay, where the custodian was only + too glad to receive it, I met with a fragment under the head of The Hours + of Poissy, which had evidently been put together by a merry abbot of + Turpenay for the diversion of his neighbours of Usee, Azay, Mongaugar, + Sacchez, and other places of this province. I give them under the + authority of the clerical garb, but altered to my own style, because I + have been compelled to turn them from Latin into French. I commence: + —At Poissy the nuns were accustomed to, when Mademoiselle, the + king’s daughter, their abbess, had gone to bed..... It was she who first + called it <i>faire la petite oie</i>, to stick to the preliminaries of + love, the prologues, prefaces, protocols, warnings, notices, + introductions, summaries, prospectuses, arguments, notices, epigraphs, + titles, false-titles, current titles, scholia, marginal remarks, + frontispieces, observations, gilt edges, bookmarks, reglets, vignettes, + tail pieces, and engravings, without once opening the merry book to read, + re-read, and study to apprehend and comprehend the contents. And she + gathered together in a body all those extra-judicial little pleasures of + that sweet language, which come indeed from the lips, yet make no noise, + and practised them so well, that she died a virgin and perfect in shape. + The gay science was after deeply studied by the ladies of the court, who + took lovers for <i>la petite oie</i>, others for honour, and at times also + certain ones who had over them the right of high and low jurisdiction, and + were masters of everything —a state of things much preferred. But to + continue: When this virtuous princess was naked and shameless between the + sheets, the said girls (those whose cheeks were unwrinkled and their + hearts gay) would steal noiselessly out of their cells, and hide + themselves in that of one of the sisters who was much liked by all of + them. There they would have cosy little chats, enlivened with sweetmeats, + pasties, liqueurs, and girlish quarrels, worry their elders, imitating + them grotesquely, innocently mocking them, telling stories that made them + laugh till the tears came and playing a thousand pranks. At times they + would measure their feet, to see whose were the smallest, compare the + white plumpness of their arms, see whose nose had the infirmity of + blushing after supper, count their freckles, tell each other where their + skin marks were situated, dispute whose complexion was the clearest, whose + hair the prettiest colour, and whose figure the best. You can imagine that + among these figures sanctified to God there were fine ones, stout ones, + lank ones, thin ones, plump ones, supple ones, shrunken ones, and figures + of all kinds. Then they would quarrel amongst themselves as to who took + the least to make a girdle, and she who spanned the least was pleased + without knowing why. At times they would relate their dreams and what they + had seen in them. Often one or two, at times all of them, had dreamed they + had tight hold of the keys of the abbey. Then they would consult each + other about their little ailments. One had scratched her finger, another + had a whitlow; this one had risen in the morning with the white of her eye + bloodshot; that one had put her finger out, telling her beads. All had + some little thing the matter with them. + </p> + <p> + “Ah! you have lied to our mother; your nails are marked with white,” said + one to her neighbour. + </p> + <p> + “You stopped a long time at confession this morning, sister,” said + another. “You must have a good many little sins to confess.” + </p> + <p> + As there is nothing resembles a pussy-cat so much as a tom-cat, they would + swear eternal friendship, quarrel, sulk, dispute and make it up again; + would be jealous, laugh and pinch, pinch and laugh, and play tricks upon + the novices. + </p> + <p> + At times they would say, “Suppose a gendarme came here one rainy day, + where should we put him?” + </p> + <p> + “With Sister Ovide; her cell is so big he could get into it with his + helmet on.” + </p> + <p> + “What do you mean?” cried Sister Ovide, “are not all our cells alike?” + </p> + <p> + Thereupon the girls burst out laughing like ripe figs. One evening they + increased their council by a little novice, about seventeen years of age, + who appeared innocent as a new-born babe, and would have had the host + without confession. This maiden’s mouth had long watered for their secret + confabulations, little feasts and rejoicings by which the nuns softened + the holy captivity of their bodies, and had wept at not being admitted to + them. + </p> + <p> + “Well,” said Sister Ovide to her, “have you had a good night’s rest, + little one?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh no!” said she, “I have been bitten by fleas.” + </p> + <p> + “Ha! you have fleas in your cell? But you must get rid of them at once. Do + you know how the rules of our order enjoin them to be driven out, so that + never again during her conventional life shall a sister see so much as the + tail of one?” + </p> + <p> + “No,” replied the novice. + </p> + <p> + “Well then, I will teach you. Do you see any fleas here? Do you notice any + trace of fleas? Do you smell an odour of fleas? Is there any appearance of + fleas in my cell? Look!” + </p> + <p> + “I can’t find any,” said the little novice, who was Mademoiselle de + Fiennes, “and smell no odour other than our own.” + </p> + <p> + “Do as I am about to tell you, and be no more bitten. Directly you feel + yourself pricked, you must strip yourself, lift your chemise, and be + careful not to sin while looking all over your body; think only of the + cursed flea, looking for it, in good faith, without paying attention to + other things; trying only to catch the flea, which is a difficult job, as + you may easily be deceived by the little black spots on your skin, which + you were born with. Have you any, little one?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” cried she. “I have two dark freckles, one on my shoulder and one on + my back, rather low down, but it is hidden in a fold of the flesh.” + </p> + <p> + “How did you see it?” asked Sister Perpetue. + </p> + <p> + “I did not know it. It was Monsieur de Montresor who found it out.” + </p> + <p> + “Ha, ha!” said the sister, “is that all he saw?” + </p> + <p> + “He saw everything,” said she, “I was quite little; he was about nine + years old, and we were playing together....” + </p> + <p> + The nuns hardly being able to restrain their laughter, Sister Ovide went + on— + </p> + <p> + “The above-mentioned flea will jump from your legs to your eyes, will try + and hide himself in apertures and crevices, will leap from valley to + mountain, endeavouring to escape you; but the rules of the house order you + courageously to pursue, repeating aves. Ordinarily at the third ave the + beast is taken.” + </p> + <p> + “The flea?” asked the novice. + </p> + <p> + “Certainly the flea,” replied Sister Ovide; “but in order to avoid the + dangers of this chase, you must be careful in whatever spot you put your + finger on the beast, to touch nothing else.... Then without regarding its + cries, plaints, groans, efforts, and writhings, and the rebellion which + frequently it attempts, you will press it under your thumb or other finger + of the hand engaged in holding it, and with the other hand you will search + for a veil to bind the flea’s eyes and prevent it from leaping, as the + beast seeing no longer clearly will not know where to go. Nevertheless, as + it will still be able to bite you, and will be getting terribly enraged, + you must gently open its mouth and delicately insert therein a twig of the + blessed brush that hangs over your pillow. Thus the beast will be + compelled to behave properly. But remember that the discipline of our + order allows you to retain no property, and the beast cannot belong to + you. You must take into consideration that it is one of God’s creatures, + and strive to render it more agreeable. Therefore, before all things, it + is necessary to verify three serious things—viz.: If the flea be a + male, if it be female, or if it be a virgin; supposing it to be a virgin, + which is extremely rare, since these beasts have no morals, are all wild + hussies, and yield to the first seducer who comes, you will seize her + hinder feet, and drawing them under her little caparison, you must bind + them with one of your hairs, and carry it to your superior, who will + decide upon its fate after having consulted the chapter. If it be a male—” + </p> + <p> + “How can one tell that a flea is a virgin? asked the curious novice. + </p> + <p> + “First of all,” replied Sister Ovide, “she is sad and melancholy, does not + laugh like the others, does not bite so sharp, has her mouth less wide + open, blushes when touched—you know where.” + </p> + <p> + “In that case,” replied the novice, “I have been bitten by a male.” + </p> + <p> + At this the sisters burst out laughing so heartily that one of them + sounded a bass note and voided a little water and Sister Ovide pointing to + it on the floor, said— + </p> + <p> + “You see there’s never wind without rain.” + </p> + <p> + The novice laughed herself, thinking that these chuckles were caused by + the sister’s exclamation. + </p> + <p> + “Now,” went on Sister Ovide, “if it be a male flea, you take your + scissors, or your lover’s dagger, if by chance he has given you one as a + souvenir, previous to your entry into the convent. In short, furnished + with a cutting instrument, you carefully slit open the flanks of the flea. + Expect to hear him howl, cough, spit, beg your pardon; to see him twist + about, sweat, make sheep’s eyes, and anything that may come into his head + to put off this operation. But be not astonished; pluck up your courage + when thinking that you are acting thus to bring a perverted creature into + the ways of salvation. Then you will dextrously take the reins, the liver, + the heart, the gizzard, and noble parts, and dip them all several times + into the holy water, washing and purifying them there, at the same time + imploring the Holy Ghost to sanctify the interior of the beast. Afterwards + you will replace all these intestinal things in the body of the flea, who + will be anxious to get them back again. Being by this means baptised, the + soul of the creature has become Catholic. Immediately you will get a + needle and thread and sew up the belly of the flea with great care, with + such regard and attention as is due to a fellow Christian; you will even + pray for it—a kindness to which you will see it is sensible by its + genuflections and the attentive glances which it will bestow upon you. In + short, it will cry no more, and have no further desire to kill you; and + fleas are often encountered who die from pleasure at being thus converted + to our holy religion. You will do the same to all you catch; and the + others perceiving it, after staring at the convert, will go away, so + perverse are they, and so terrified at the idea of becoming Christians.” + </p> + <p> + “And they are therefore wicked,” said the novice. “Is there any greater + happiness than to be in the bosom of the Church?” + </p> + <p> + “Certainly!” answered sister Ursula, “here we are sheltered from the + dangers of the world and of love, in which there are so many.” + </p> + <p> + “Is there any other danger than that of having a child at an unseasonable + time?” asked a young sister. + </p> + <p> + “During the present reign,” replied Ursula, raising her head, “love has + inherited leprosy, St Anthony’s fire, the Ardennes’ sickness, and the red + rash, and has heaped up all the fevers, agonies, drugs and sufferings of + the lot in his pretty mortar, to draw out therefrom a terrible compound, + of which the devil has given the receipt, luckily for convents, because + there are a great number of frightened ladies, who become virtuous for + fear of this love.” + </p> + <p> + Thereupon they huddled up close together, alarmed at these words, but + wishing to know more. + </p> + <p> + “And is it enough to love, to suffer?” asked a sister. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, yes!” cried Sister Ovide. + </p> + <p> + “You love just for one little once a pretty gentleman,” replied Ursula, + “and you have the chance of seeing your teeth go one by one, your hair + fall off, your cheeks grow pallid, and your eyebrows drop, and the + disappearance of your prized charms will cost you many a sigh. There are + poor women who have scabs come upon their noses, and others who have a + horrid animal with a hundred claws, which gnaws their tenderest parts. The + Pope has at last been compelled to excommunicate this kind of love.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! how lucky I am to have had nothing of that sort,” cried the novice. + </p> + <p> + Hearing this souvenir of love, the sisters suspected that the little one + had gone astray through the heat of a crucifix of Poissy, and had been + joking with the Sister Ovide, and drawing her out. All congratulated + themselves on having so merry a jade in their company, and asked her to + what adventure they were indebted for that pleasure. + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said she, “I let myself be bitten by a big flea, who had already + been baptised.” + </p> + <p> + At this speech, the sister of the bass note could not restrain a second + sign. + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said Sister Ovide, “you are bound to give us the third. If you spoke + that language in the choir, the abbess would diet you like Sister + Petronille; so put a sordine in your trumpet.” + </p> + <p> + “Is it true that you knew in her lifetime that Sister Petronille on whom + God bestowed the gift of only going twice a year to the bank of deposit?” + asked Sister Ursula. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” replied Ovide. “And one evening it happened she had to remain + enthroned until matins, saying, ‘I am here by the will of God.’ But at the + first verse, she was delivered, in order that she should not miss the + office. Nevertheless, the late abbess would not allow that this was an + especial favour, granted from on high, and said that God did not look so + low. Here are the facts of the case. Our defunct sister, whose + canonisation the order are now endeavouring to obtain at the court of the + Pope, and would have had it if they could have paid the proper costs of + the papal brief; this Petronille, then, had an ambition to have her name + included in the Calendar of Saints, which was in no way prejudicial to our + order. She lived in prayer alone, would remain in ecstasy before the altar + of the virgin, which is on the side of the fields, and pretend so + distinctly to hear the angels flying in Paradise, that she was able to hum + the tunes they were singing. You all know that she took from them the + chant Adoremus, of which no man could have invented a note. She remained + for days with her eyes fixed like the star, fasting, and putting no more + nourishment into her body that I could into my eye. She had made a vow + never to taste meat, either cooked or raw, and ate only a crust of bread a + day; but on great feast days she would add thereto a morsel of salt fish, + without any sauce. On this diet she became dreadfully thin, yellow and + saffron, and dry as an old bone in a cemetery; for she was of an ardent + disposition, and anyone who had had the happiness of knocking up against + her, would have drawn fire as from a flint. However, little as she ate, + she could not escape an infirmity to which, luckily or unluckily, we are + all more or less subject. If it were otherwise, we should be very much + embarrassed. The affair in question, is the obligation of expelling after + eating, like all the other animals, matter more or less agreeable, + according to constitution. Now Sister Petronille differed from all others, + because she expelled matter such as is left by a deer, and these are the + hardest substances that any gizzard produces, as you must know, if you + have ever put your foot upon them in the forest glade, and from their + hardness they are called bullets in the language of forestry. This + peculiarity of Sister Petronille’s was not unnatural, since long fasts + kept her temperament at a permanent heat. According to the old sisters, + her nature was so burning, that when water touched her, she went frist! + like a hot coal. There are sisters who have accused her of secretly + cooking eggs, in the night, between her toes, in order to support her + austerities. But these were scandals, invented to tarnish this great + sanctity of which all the other nunneries were jealous. Our sister was + piloted in the way of salvation and divine perfection by the Abbot of St. + Germaine-des-Pres de Paris—a holy man, who always finished his + Injunctions with a last one, which was to offer to God all our troubles, + and submit ourselves to His will, since nothing happened without His + express commandment. This doctrine, which appears wise at first sight, has + furnished matter for great controversies, and has been finally condemned + on the statement of the Cardinal of Chatillon, who declared that then + there would be no such thing as sin, which would considerably diminish the + revenues of the Church. But Sister Petronille lived imbued with this + feeling, without knowing the danger of it. After Lent, and the fasts of + the great jubilee, for the first time for eight months she had need to go + to the little room, and to it she went. There, bravely lifting her dress, + she put herself into a position to do that which we poor sinners do rather + oftener. But Sister Petronille could only manage to expectorate the + commencement of the thing, which kept her puffing without the remainder + making up its mind to follow. In spite of every effort, pursing of the + lips and squeezing of body, her guest preferred to remain in her blessed + body, merely putting his head out of the window, like a frog taking the + air, and felt no inclination to fall into the vale of misery among the + others, alleging that he would not be there in the odour of sanctity. And + his idea was a good one for a simple lump of dirt like himself. The good + saint having used all methods of coercion, having overstretched her + muscles, and tried the nerves of her thin face till they bulged out, + recognised the fact that no suffering in the world was so great, and her + anguish attaining the apogee of sphincterial terrors, she exclaimed, ‘Oh! + my God, to Thee I offer it!’ At this orison, the stoney matter broke off + short, and fell like a flint against the wall of the privy, making a croc, + croc, crooc, paf! You can easily understand, my sisters, that she had no + need of a torch-cul, and drew back the remainder.” + </p> + <p> + “Then did she see angels?” asked one. + </p> + <p> + “Have they a behind?” asked another. + </p> + <p> + “Certainly not,” said Ursula. “Do you not know that one general meeting + day, God having ordered them to be seated, they answered Him that they had + not the wherewithal.” + </p> + <p> + Thereupon they went off to bed, some alone, others nearly alone. They were + good girls, who harmed only themselves. + </p> + <p> + I cannot leave them without relating an adventure which took place in + their house, when Reform was passing a sponge over it, and making them all + saints, as before stated. At that time, there was in the episcopal chair + of Paris a veritable saint, who did not brag about what he did, and cared + for naught but the poor and suffering, whom the dear old Bishop lodged in + his heart, neglecting his own interests for theirs, and seeking out misery + in order that he might heal it with words, with help, with attentions, and + with money, according to the case: as ready to solace the rich in their + misfortunes as the poor, patching up their souls and bringing them back to + God; and tearing about hither and thither, watching his troop, the dear + shepherd! Now the good man went about careless of the state of his + cassocks, mantles, and breeches, so that the naked members of the church + were covered. He was so charitable that he would have pawned himself to + save an infidel from distress. His servants were obliged to look after him + carefully. Ofttimes he would scold them when they changed unasked his + tattered vestments for new; and he used to have them darned and patched, + as long as they would hold together. Now this good archbishop knew that + the late Sieur de Poissy had left a daughter, without a sou or a rag, + after having eaten, drunk, and gambled away her inheritance. This poor + young lady lived in a hovel, without fire in winter or cherries in spring; + and did needlework, not wishing either to marry beneath her or sell her + virtue. Awaiting the time when he should be able to find a young husband + for her, the prelate took it into his head to send her the outside case of + one to mend, in the person of his old breeches, a task which the young + lady, in her present position, would be glad to undertake. One day that + the archbishop was thinking to himself that he must go to the convent of + Poissy, to see after the reformed inmates, he gave to one of his servants, + the oldest of his nether garments, which was sorely in need of stitches, + saying, “Take this, Saintot, to the young ladies of Poissy,” meaning to + say, “the young lady of Poissy.” Thinking of affairs connected with the + cloister, he did not inform his varlet of the situation of the lady’s + house; her desperate condition having been by him discreetly kept a + secret. Saintot took the breeches and went his way towards Poissy, gay as + a grasshopper, stopping to chat with friends he met on the way, slaking + his thirst at the wayside inns, and showing many things to the breeches + during the journey that might hereafter be useful to them. At last he + arrived at the convent, and informed the abbess that his master had sent + him to give her these articles. When the varlet departed, leaving with the + reverend mother, the garment accustomed to model in relief the + archiepiscopal proportions of the continent nature of the good man, + according to the fashion of the period, beside the image of those things + of which the Eternal Father had deprived His angels, and which in the good + prelate did not want for amplitude. Madame the abbess having informed the + sisters of the precious message of the good archbishop they came in haste, + curious and hustling, as ants into whose republic a chestnut husk has + fallen. When they undid the breeches, which gaped horribly, they shrieked + out, covering their eyes with one hand, in great fear of seeing the devil + come out, the abbess exclaiming, “Hide yourselves my daughters! This is + the abode of mortal sin!” + </p> + <p> + The mother of the novices, giving a little look between her fingers, + revived the courage of the holy troop, swearing by an Ave that no living + head was domiciled in the breeches. Then they all blushed at their ease, + while examining this habitavit, thinking that perhaps the desire of the + prelate was that they should discover therein some sage admonition or + evangelical parable. Although this sight caused certain ravages in the + hearts of those most virtuous maidens, they paid little attention to the + flutterings of their reins, but sprinkling a little holy water in the + bottom of the abyss, one touched it, another passed her finger through a + hole, and grew bolder looking at it. It has even been pretended that, + their first stir over, the abbess found a voice sufficiently firm to say, + “What is there at the bottom of this? With what idea has our father sent + us that which consummates the ruin of women?” + </p> + <p> + “It’s fifteen years, dear mother, since I have been permitted to gaze upon + the demon’s den.” + </p> + <p> + “Silence, my daughter. You prevent me thinking what is best to be done.” + </p> + <p> + Then so much were these archiepiscopal breeches turned and twisted about, + admired and re-admired, pulled here, pulled there, and turned inside out—so + much were they talked about, fought about, thought about, dreamed about, + night and day, that on the morrow a little sister said, after having sung + the matins, to which the convent had a verse and two responses—“Sisters, + I have found out the parable of the archbishop. He has sent us as a + mortification his garment to mend, as a holy warning to avoid idleness, + the mother abbess of all the vices.” + </p> + <p> + Thereupon there was a scramble to get hold of the breeches; but the + abbess, using her high authority, reserved to herself the meditation over + this patchwork. She was occupied during ten days, praying, and sewing the + said breeches, lining them with silk, and making double hems, well sewn, + and in all humility. Then the chapter being assembled, it was arranged + that the convent should testify by a pretty souvenir to the said + archbishop their delight that he thought of his daughters in God. Then all + of them, to the very youngest, had to do some work on these blessed + breeches, in order to do honour to the virtue of the good man. + </p> + <p> + Meanwhile the prelate had had so much to attend to, that he had forgotten + all about his garment. This is how it came about. He made the acquaintance + of a noble of the court, who, having lost his wife—a she-fiend and + sterile—said to the good priest, that he had a great ambition to + meet with a virtuous woman, confiding in God, with whom he was not likely + to quarrel, and was likely to have pretty children. Such a one he desired + to hold by the hand, and have confidence in. Then the holy man drew such a + picture of Mademoiselle de Poissy, that this fair one soon became Madame + de Genoilhac. The wedding was celebrated at the archiepiscopal palace, + where was a feast of the first quality and a table bordered with ladies of + the highest lineage, and the fashionable world of the court, among whom + the bride appeared the most beautiful, since it has certain that she was a + virgin, the archbishop guaranteeing her virtue. + </p> + <p> + When the fruit, conserves, and pastry were with many ornaments arranged on + the cloth, Saintot said to the archbishop, “Monseigneur, your well-beloved + daughters of Poissy send you a fine dish for the centre.” + </p> + <p> + “Put it there,” said the good man, gazing with admiration at an edifice of + velvet and satin, embroidered with fine ribbon, in the shape of an ancient + vase, the lid of which exhaled a thousand superfine odours. + </p> + <p> + Immediately the bride, uncovering it, found therein sweetmeats, cakes, and + those delicious confections to which the ladies are so partial. But of one + of them—some curious devotee—seeing a little piece of silk, + pulled it towards her, and exposed to view the habitation of the human + compass, to the great confusion of the prelate, for laughter rang round + the table like a discharge of artillery. + </p> + <p> + “Well have they made the centre dish,” said the bridegroom. “These young + ladies are of good understanding. Therein are all the sweets of + matrimony.” + </p> + <p> + Can there be any better moral than that deduced by Monsieur de Genoilhac? + Then no other is needed. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0024" id="link2H_4_0024"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + HOW THE CHATEAU D’AZAY CAME TO BE BUILT + </h2> + <p> + Jehan, son of Simon Fourniez, called Simonnin, a citizen of Tours —originally + of the village of Moulinot, near to Beaune, whence, in imitation of + certain persons, he took the name when he became steward to Louis the + Eleventh—had to fly one day into Languedoc with his wife, having + fallen into great disgrace, and left his son Jacques penniless in + Touraine. This youth, who possessed nothing in the world except his good + looks, his sword, and spurs, but whom worn-out old men would have + considered very well off, had in his head a firm intention to save his + father, and make his fortune at the court, then holden in Touraine. At + early dawn this good Tourainian left his lodging, and, enveloped in his + mantle, all except his nose, which he left open to the air, and his + stomach empty, walked about the town without any trouble of digestion. He + entered the churches, thought them beautiful, looked into the chapels, + flicked the flies from the pictures, and counted the columns all after the + manner of a man who knew not what to do with his time or his money. At + other times he feigned to recite his paternosters, but really made mute + prayers to the ladies, offered them holy water when leaving, followed them + afar off, and endeavoured by these little services to encounter some + adventure, in which at the peril of his life he would find for himself a + protector or a gracious mistress. He had in his girdle two doubloons which + he spared far more than his skin, because that would be replaced, but the + doubloons never. Each day he took from his little hoard the price of a + roll and a few apples, with which he sustained life, and drank at his will + and his discretion of the water of the Loire. This wholesome and prudent + diet, besides being good for his doubloons, kept him frisky and light as a + greyhound, gave him a clear understanding and a warm heart for the water + of the Loire is of all syrups the most strengthening, because having its + course afar off it is invigorated by its long run, through many strands, + before it reaches Tours. So you may be sure that the poor fellow imagined + a thousand and one good fortunes and lucky adventures, and what is more, + almost believed them true. Oh! The good times! One evening Jacques de + Beaune (he kept the name although he was not lord of Beaune) was walking + along the embankment, occupied in cursing his star and everything, for his + last doubloon was with scant respect upon the point of quitting him; when + at the corner of a little street, he nearly ran against a veiled lady, + whose sweet odour gratified his amorous senses. This fair pedestrian was + bravely mounted on pretty pattens, wore a beautiful dress of Italian + velvet, with wide slashed satin sleeves; while as a sign of her great + fortune, through her veil a white diamond of reasonable size shone upon + her forehead like the rays of the setting sun, among her tresses, which + were delicately rolled, built up, and so neat, that they must have taken + her maids quite three hours to arrange. She walked like a lady who was + only accustomed to a litter. One of her pages followed her, well armed. + She was evidently some light o’love belonging to a noble of high rank or a + lady of the court, since she held her dress high off the ground, and bent + her back like a woman of quality. Lady or courtesan she pleased Jacques de + Beaune, who, far from turning up his nose at her, conceived the wild idea + of attaching himself to her for life. With this in view he determined to + follow her in order to ascertain whither she would lead him—to + Paradise or to the limbo of hell—to a gibbet or to an abode of love. + Anything was a glean of hope to him in the depth of his misery. The lady + strolled along the bank of the Loire towards Plessis inhaling like a fish + the fine freshness of the water, toying, sauntering like a little mouse + who wishes to see and taste everything. When the page perceived that + Jacques de Beaune persistently followed his mistress in all her movements, + stopped when she stopped, and watched her trifling in a bare-faced + fashion, as if he had a right so to do, he turned briskly round with a + savage and threatening face, like that of a dog whose says, “Stand back, + sir!” But the good Tourainian had his wits about him. Believing that if a + cat may look at king, he, a baptised Christian, might certainly look at a + pretty woman, he stepped forward, and feigning to grin at the page, he + strutted now behind and now before the lady. She said nothing, but looked + at the sky, which was putting on its nightcap, the stars, and everything + which could give her pleasure. So things went on. At last, arrived outside + Portillon, she stood still, and in order to see better, cast her veil back + over her shoulder, and in so doing cast upon the youth the glance of a + clever woman who looks round to see if there is any danger of being + robbed. I may tell you that Jacques de Beaune was a thorough ladies’ man, + could walk by the side of a princess without disgracing her, had a brave + and resolute air which please the sex, and if he was a little browned by + the sun from being so much in the open air, his skin would look white + enough under the canopy of a bed. The glance, keen as a needle, which the + lady threw him, appeared to him more animated than that with which she + would have honoured her prayer-book. Upon it he built the hope of a + windfall of love, and resolved to push the adventure to the very edge of + the petticoat, risking to go still further, not only his lips, which he + held of little count, but his two ears and something else besides. He + followed into the town the lady, who returned by the Rue des + Trois-Pucelles, and led the gallant through a labyrinth of little streets, + to the square in which is at the present time situated the Hotel de la + Crouzille. There she stopped at the door of a splendid mansion, at which + the page knocked. A servant opened it, and the lady went in and closed the + door, leaving the Sieur de Beaune open-mouthed, stupefied, and as foolish + as Monseigneur St. Denis when he was trying to pick up his head. He raised + his nose in the air to see if some token of favour would be thrown to him, + and saw nothing except a light which went up the stairs, through the + rooms, and rested before a fine window, where probably the lady was also. + You can believe that the poor lover remained melancholy and dreaming, and + not knowing what to do. The window gave a sudden creak and broke his + reverie. Fancying that his lady was about to call him, he looked up again, + and but for the friendly shelter of the balcony, which was a helmet to + him, he would have received a stream of water and the utensil which + contained it, since the handle only remained in the grasp of the person + who delivered the deluge. Jacques de Beaune, delighted at this, did not + lose the opportunity, but flung himself against the wall, crying “I am + killed,” with a feeble voice. Then stretching himself upon the fragments + of broken china, he lay as if dead, awaiting the issue. The servants + rushed out in a state of alarm, fearing their mistress, to whom they had + confessed their fault, and picked up the wounded man, who could hardly + restrain his laughter at being then carried up the stairs. + </p> + <p> + “He is cold,” said the page. + </p> + <p> + “He is covered with blood,” said the butler, who while feeling his pulse + had wetted his hand. + </p> + <p> + “If he revives,” said the guilty one, “I will pay for a mass to St. + Gatien.” + </p> + <p> + “Madame takes after her late father, and if she does not have thee hanged, + the least mitigation of thy penalty will be that thou wilt be kicked out + of her house and service,” said another. “Certes, he’s dead enough, he is + so heavy.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! I am in the house of a very great lady,” thought Jacques. + </p> + <p> + “Alas! is he really dead?” demanded the author of the calamity. While with + great labour the Tourainian was being carried up the stairs, his doublet + caught on a projection, and the dead man cried, “Ah, my doublet!” + </p> + <p> + “He groans,” said the culprit, with a sigh of relief. The Regent’s + servants (for this was the house of the Regent, the daughter of King Louis + XI. of virtuous memory) brought Jacques de Beaune into a room, and laid + him stiff and stark upon a table, not thinking for a moment that he could + be saved. + </p> + <p> + “Run and fetch a surgeon,” cried Madame de Beaujeu. “Run here, run there!” + </p> + <p> + The servants were down the stairs in a trice. The good lady Regent + dispatched her attendants for ointment, for linen to bind the wounds, for + goulard-water, for so many things, that she remained alone. Gazing upon + this splendid and senseless man, she cried aloud, admiring his presence + and his features, handsome even in death. “Ah! God wishes to punish me. + Just for one little time in my life has there been born in me, and taken + possession of me, a naughty idea, and my patron saint is angry, and + deprives me of the sweetest gentleman I have ever seen. By the rood, and + by the soul of my father, I will hang every man who has had a hand in + this!” + </p> + <p> + “Madame,” cried Jacques de Beaune, springing from the table, and falling + at the feet of the Regent, “I will live to serve you, and am so little + bruised that that I promise you this night as many joys as there are + months in the year, in imitation of the Sieur Hercules, a pagan baron. For + the last twenty days,” he went on (thinking that matters would be smoothed + by a little lying), “I have met you again and again. I fell madly in love + with you, yet dared not, by reason of my great respect for your person, + make an advance. You can imagine how intoxicated I must have been with + your royal beauties, to have invented the trick to which I owe the + happiness of being at your feet.” + </p> + <p> + Thereupon he kissed her amorously, and gave her a look that would have + overcome any scruples. The Regent, by means of time, which respects not + queens, was, as everyone knows, in her middle age. In this critical and + autumnal season, women formally virtuous and loveless desire now here, now + there, to enjoy, unknown to the world, certain hours of love, in order + that they may not arrive in the other world with hands and heart alike + empty, through having left the fruit of the tree of knowledge untasted. + The lady of Beaujeu, without appearing to be astonished while listening to + the promises of this young man, since royal personages ought to be + accustomed to having them by dozens, kept this ambitious speech in the + depths of her memory or of her registry of love, which caught fire at his + words. Then she raised the Tourainian, who still found in his misery the + courage to smile at his mistress, who had the majesty of a full-blown + rose, ears like shoes, and the complexion of a sick cat, but was so + well-dressed, so fine in figure, so royal of foot, and so queenly in + carriage, that he might still find in this affair means to gain his + original object. + </p> + <p> + “Who are you?” said the Regent, putting on the stern look of her father. + </p> + <p> + “I am your very faithful subject, Jacques de Beaune, son of your steward, + who has fallen into disgrace in spite of his faithful services.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah, well!” replied the lady, “lay yourself on the table again. I hear + someone coming; and it is not fit that my people should think me your + accomplice in this farce and mummery.” + </p> + <p> + The good fellow perceived, by the soft sound of her voice, that he was + pardoned the enormity of his love. He lay down upon the table again, and + remembered how certain lords had ridden to court in an old stirrup —a + thought which perfectly reconciled him to his present position. + </p> + <p> + “Good,” said the Regent to her maid-servants, “nothing is needed. This + gentleman is better; thanks to heaven and the Holy Virgin, there will have + been no murder in my house.” + </p> + <p> + Thus saying, she passed her hand through the locks of the lover who had + fallen to her from the skies, and taking a little reviving water she + bathed his temples, undid his doublet, and under pretence of aiding his + recovery, verified better than an expert how soft and young was the skin + on this young fellow and bold promiser of bliss, and all the bystanders, + men and women, were amazed to see the Regent act thus. But humanity never + misbecomes those of royal blood. Jacques stood up, and appeared to come to + his senses, thanked the Regent most humbly, and dismissed the physicians, + master surgeons, and other imps in black, saying that he had thoroughly + recovered. Then he gave his name, and saluting Madame de Beaujeu, wished + to depart, as though afraid of her on account of his father’s disgrace, + but no doubt horrified at his terrible vow. + </p> + +<div class="fig" style="width:35%;"> + <img src="images/255s.jpg" alt="255s " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/255.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a + href="images/255m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + “I cannot permit it,” said she. “Persons who come to my house should not + meet with such treatment as you have encountered. The Sieur de Beaune will + sup here,” she added to her major domo. “He who has so unduly insulted him + will be at his mercy if he makes himself known immediately; otherwise, I + will have him found out and hanged by the provost.” + </p> + <p> + Hearing this, the page who had attended the lady during her promenade + stepped forward. + </p> + <p> + “Madame,” said Jacques, “at my request pray both pardon and reward him, + since to him I owe the felicity of seeing you, the favour of supping in + your company, and perhaps that of getting my father re-established in the + office to which it pleased your glorious father to appoint him.” + </p> + <p> + “Well said,” replied the Regent. “D’Estouteville,” said she, turning + towards the page, “I give thee command of a company of archers. But for + the future do not throw things out of the window.” + </p> + <p> + Then she, delighted with de Beaune, offered him her hand, and led him most + gallantly into her room, where they conversed freely together while supper + was being prepared. There the Sieur Jacques did not fail to exhibit his + talents, justify his father, and raise himself in the estimation of the + lady, who, as is well known, was like a father in disposition, and did + everything at random. Jacques de Beaune thought to himself that it would + be rather difficult for him to remain all night with the Regent. Such + matters are not so easily arranged as the amours of cats, who have always + a convenient refuge upon the housetops for their moments of dalliance. So + he rejoiced that he was known to the Regent without being compelled to + fulfil his rash promise, since for this to be carried out it was necessary + that the servants and others should be out of the way, and her reputation + safe. Nevertheless, suspecting the powers of intrigue of the good lady, at + times he would ask himself if he were equal to the task. But beneath the + surface of conversation, the same thing was in the mind of the Regent, who + had already managed affairs quite as difficult, and she began most + cleverly to arrange the means. She sent for one of her secretaries, an + adept in all arts necessary for the perfect government of a kingdom, and + ordered him to give her secretly a false message during the supper. Then + came the repast, which the lady did not touch, since her heart had swollen + like a sponge, and so diminished her stomach, for she kept thinking of + this handsome and desirable man, having no appetite save for him. Jacques + did not fail to make a good meal for many reasons. The messenger came, + madame began to storm, and to knit her brows after the manner of the late + king, and to say, “Is there never to be peace in this land? Pasques Dieu! + can we not have one quiet evening?” Then she rose and strode about the + room. “Ho there! My horse! Where is Monsieur de Vieilleville, my squire? + Ah, he is in Picardy. D’Estouteville, you will rejoin me with my household + at the Chateau d’Amboise....” And looking at Jacques, she said, “You shall + be my squire, Sieur de Beaune. You wish to serve the state. The occasion + is a good one. Pasques Dieu! come! There are rebels to subdue, and + faithful knights are needed.” + </p> + <p> + In less time than an old beggar would have taken to say thank you, the + horses were bridled, saddled, and ready. Madame was on her mare, and the + Tourainian at her side, galloping at full speed to her castle at Amboise, + followed by the men-at-arms. To be brief and come to the facts without + further commentary, the De Beaune was lodged not twenty yards from Madame, + far from prying eyes. The courtiers and the household, much astonished, + ran about inquiring from what quarter the danger might be expected; but + our hero, taken at his word, knew well enough where to find it. The virtue + of the Regent, well known in the kingdom, saved her from suspicion, since + she was supposed to be as impregnable as the Chateau de Peronne. At + curfew, when everything was shut, both ears and eyes, and the castle + silent, Madame de Beaujeu sent away her handmaid, and called for her + squire. The squire came. Then the lady and the adventurer sat side by side + upon a velvet couch, in the shadow of a lofty fireplace, and the curious + Regent, with a tender voice, asked of Jacques “Are you bruised? It was + very wrong of me to make a knight, wounded by one on my servants, ride + twelve miles. I was so anxious about it that I would not go to bed without + having seen you. Do you suffer?” + </p> + <p> + “I suffer with impatience,” said he of the dozen, thinking it would not do + to appear reluctant. “I see well,” continued he, “my noble and beautiful + mistress, that your servant has found favour in your sight.” + </p> + <p> + “There, there!” replied she; “did you not tell a story when you said—” + </p> + <p> + “What?” said he. + </p> + <p> + “Why, that you had followed me dozens of times to churches, and other + places to which I went.” + </p> + <p> + “Certainly,” said he. + </p> + <p> + “I am astonished,” replied the Regent, “never to have seen until today a + noble youth whose courage is so apparent in his countenance. I am not + ashamed of that which you heard me say when I believed you dead. You are + agreeable to me, you please me, and you wish to do well.” + </p> + <p> + Then the hour of the dreaded sacrifice having struck, Jacques fell at the + knees of the Regent, kissed her feet, her hands, and everything, it is + said; and while kissing her, previous to retirement, proved by many + arguments to the aged virtue of his sovereign, that a lady bearing the + burden of the state had a perfect right to enjoy herself —a theory + which was not directly admitted by the Regent, who determined to be + forced, in order to throw the burden of this sin upon her lover. This + notwithstanding, you may be sure that she had highly perfumed and + elegantly attired herself for the night, and shone with desire for + embraces, for desire lent her a high colour which greatly improved her + complexion; and in spite of her feeble resistance she was, like a young + girl, carried by assault in her royal couch, where the good lady and her + young dozener, embraced each other. Then from play to quarrel, quarrel to + riot, from riot to ribaldry, from thread to needle, the Regent declared + that she believed more in the virginity of the Holy Mary than in the + promised dozen. Now, by chance, Jacques de Beaune did not find this great + lady so very old between the sheets, since everything is metamorphosed by + the light of the lamps of the night. Many women of fifty by day are twenty + at midnight, as others are twenty at mid-day and a hundred after vespers. + Jacques, happier at this sight than at that of the King on a hanging day, + renewed his undertaking. Madame, herself astonished, promised every + assistance on her part. The manor of Azay-le-Brule, with a good title + thereto, she undertook to confer upon her cavalier, as well as the pardon + of his father, if from this encounter she came forth vanquished, then the + clever fellows said to himself, “This is to save my father from + punishment! this for the fief! this for the letting and selling! this for + the forest of Azay! item for the right of fishing! another for the Isles + of the Indre! this for the meadows! I may as well release from + confiscation our land of La Carte, so dearly bought by my father! Once + more for a place at court!” Arriving without hindrance at this point, he + believed his dignity involved, and fancied that having France under him, + it was a question of the honour of the crown. In short, at the cost of a + vow which he made to his patron, Monsieur St. Jacques, to build him a + chapel at Azay, he presented his liege homage to the Regent eleven clear, + clean, limpid, and genuine periphrases. Concerning the epilogue of this + slow conversation, the Tourainian had the great self-confidence to wish + excellently to regale the Regent, keeping for her on her waking the salute + of an honest man, as it was necessary for the lord of Azay to thank his + sovereign, which was wisely thought. But when nature is oppressed, she + acts like a spirited horse, lays down, and will die under the whip sooner + than move until it pleases her to rise reinvigorated. Thus, when in the + morning the seignior of the castle of Azay desired to salute the daughter + of King Louis XI., he was constrained, in spite of his courtesy, to make + the salute as royal salutes should be made—with blank cartridge + only. Therefore the Regent, after getting up, and while she was + breakfasting with Jacques, who called himself the legitimate Lord of Azay, + seized the occasion of this insufficiency to contradict her esquire, and + pretend, that as he had not gained his wager, he had not earned the manor. + </p> + <p> + “Ventre-Saint-Paterne! I have been near enough,” said Jacques. “But my + dear lady and noble sovereign it is not proper for either you or me to + judge in this cause. The case being an allodial case, must be brought + before your council, since the fief of Azay is held from the crown.” + </p> + <p> + “Pasques dieu!” replied the Regent with a forced laugh. “I give you the + place of the Sieur de Vieilleville in my house. Don’t trouble about your + father. I will give you Azay, and will place you in a royal office if you + can, without injury to my honour, state the case in full council; but if + one word falls to the damage of my reputation as a virtuous women, I—” + </p> + <p> + “May I be hanged,” said Jacques, turning the thing into a joke, because + there was a shade of anger in the face of Madame de Beaujeu. + </p> + <p> + In fact, the daughter of King Louis thought more of her royalty than of + the roguish dozen, which she considered as nothing, since fancying she had + had her night’s amusement without loosening her purse-strings, she + preferred the difficult recital of his claim to another dozen offered her + by the Tourainian. + </p> + <p> + “Then, my lady,” replied her good companion, “I shall certainly be your + squire.” + </p> + <p> + The captains, secretaries, and other persons holding office under the + regency, astonished at the sudden departure of Madame de Beaujeu, learned + the cause of her anxiety, and came in haste to the castle of Amboise to + discover whence preceded the rebellion, and were in readiness to hold a + council when her Majesty had arisen. She called them together, not to be + suspected of having deceived them, and gave them certain falsehoods to + consider, which they considered most wisely. At the close of the sitting, + came the new squire to accompany his mistress. Seeing the councillors + rising, the bold Tourainian begged them to decide a point of law which + concerned both himself and the property of the Crown. + </p> + <p> + “Listen to him,” said the Regent. “He speaks truly.” + </p> + <p> + Then Jacques de Beaune, without being nervous at the sight of this august + court, spoke as follows, or thereabouts:—“Noble Lords, I beg you, + although I am about to speak to you of walnut shells, to give your + attention to this case, and pardon me the trifling nature of my language. + One lord was walking with another in a fruit garden, and noticed a fine + walnut tree, well planted, well grown, worth looking at, worth keeping, + although a little empty; a nut tree always fresh, sweet-smelling, the tree + which you would not leave if you once saw it, a tree of love which seemed + the tree of good and evil, forbidden by the Lord, through which were + banished our mother Eve and the gentleman her husband. Now, my lords, this + said walnut tree was the subject of a slight dispute between the two, and + one of those many wagers which are occasionally made between friends. The + younger boasted that he could throw twelve times through it a stick which + he had in his hand at the time—as many people have who walk in a + garden—and with each flight of the stick he would send a nut to the + ground—” + </p> + <p> + “That is, I believe the knotty point of the case,” said Jacques turning + towards the Regent. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, gentlemen,” replied she, surprised at the craft of her squire. + </p> + <p> + “The other wagered to the contrary,” went on the pleader. “Now the first + named throws his stick with such precision of aim, so gently, and so well + that both derived pleasure therefrom, and by the joyous protection of the + saints, who no doubt were amused spectators, with each throw there fell a + nut; in fact, there fell twelve. But by chance the last of the fallen nuts + was empty, and had no nourishing pulp from which could have come another + nut tree, had the gardener planted it. Has the man with the stick gained + his wager? Judge.” + </p> + <p> + “The thing is clear enough,” said Messire Adam Fumee, a Tourainian, who at + that time was the keeper of the seals. “There is only one thing for the + other to do.” + </p> + <p> + “What is that?” said the Regent. + </p> + <p> + “To pay the wager, Madame.” + </p> + <p> + “He is rather too clever,” said she, tapping her squire on the cheek. “He + will be hanged one of these days.” + </p> + <p> + She meant it as a joke, but these words were the real horoscope of the + steward, who mounted the gallows by the ladder of royal favour, through + the vengeance of another old woman, and the notorious treason of a man of + Ballan, his secretary, whose fortune he had made, and whose name was + Prevost, and not Rene Gentil, as certain persons have wrongly called him. + The Ganelon and bad servant gave, it is said, to Madame d’Angouleme, the + receipt for the money which had been given him by Jacques de Beaune, then + become Baron of Samblancay, lord of La Carte and Azay, and one of the + foremost men in the state. Of his two sons, one was Archbishop of Tours + the other Minister of Finance and Governor of Touraine. But this is not + the subject of the present history. + </p> + <p> + Now that which concerns the present narrative, is that Madame de Beaujeu, + to whom the pleasure of love had come rather late in the day, well pleased + with the great wisdom and knowledge of public affairs which her chance + lover possessed, made him Lord of the Privy Purse, in which office he + behaved so well, and added so much to the contents of it, that his great + renown procured for him one day the handling of the revenues which he + superintended and controlled most admirably, and with great profit to + himself, which was but fair. The good Regent paid the bet, and handed over + to her squire the manor of Azay-le-Brule, of which the castle had long + before been demolished by the first bombardiers who came from Touraine, as + everyone knows. For this powdery miracle, but for the intervention of the + king, the said engineers would have been condemned as heretics and + abettors of Satan, by the ecclesiastical tribune of the chapter. + </p> + <p> + At this time there was being built with great care by Messire Bohier, + Minister of Finance, the Castle of Chenonceaux, which as a curiosity and + novel design, was placed right across the river Cher. + </p> + <p> + Now the Baron de Samblancay, wishing to oppose the said Bohier, determined + to lay the foundation of this at the bottom of the Indre, where it still + stands, the gem of this fair green valley, so solidly was it placed upon + the piles. It cost Jacques de Beaune thirty thousand crowns, not counting + the work done by his vassals. You may take it for granted this castle was + one of the finest, prettiest, most exquisite and most elaborate castles of + our sweet Touraine, and laves itself in the Indre like a princely + creature, gayly decked with pavilions and lace curtained windows, with + fine weather-beaten soldiers on her vanes, turning whichever way the wind + blows, as all soldiers do. But Samblancay was hanged before it was + finished, and since that time no one has been found with sufficient money + to complete it. Nevertheless, his master, King Francis the First, was once + his guest, and the royal chamber is still shown there. When the king was + going to bed, Samblancay, whom the king called “old fellow,” in honour of + his white hairs, hearing his royal master, to whom he was devotedly + attached, remark, “Your clock has just struck twelve, old fellow!” + replied, “Ah! sire, to twelve strokes of a hammer, an old one now, but + years ago a good one, at this hour of the clock do I owe my lands, the + money spent on this place, and honour of being in your service.” + </p> + <p> + The king wished to know what his minister meant by these strange words; + and when his majesty was getting into bed, Jacques de Beaune narrated to + him the history with which you are acquainted. Now Francis the First, who + was partial to these spicy stories, thought the adventure a very droll + one, and was the more amused thereat because at that time his mother, the + Duchess d’Angouleme, in the decline of life, was pursuing the Constable of + Bourbon, in order to obtain of him one of these dozens. Wicked love of a + wicked woman, for therefrom proceeded the peril of the kingdom, the + capture of the king, and the death—as has been before mentioned—of + poor Samblancay. + </p> + <p> + I have here endeavoured to relate how the Chateau d’Azay came to be built, + because it is certain that thus was commenced the great fortune of that + Samblancay who did so much for his natal town, which he adorned; and also + spent such immense sums upon the completion of the towers of the + cathedral. This lucky adventure has been handed down from father to son, + and lord to lord, in the said place of Azay-les-Ridel, where the story + frisks still under the curtains of the king, which have been curiously + respected down to the present day. It is therefore the falsest of + falsities which attributes the dozen of the Tourainian to a German knight, + who by this deed would have secured the domains of Austria to the House of + Hapsburgh. The author of our days, who brought this history to light, + although a learned man, has allowed himself to be deceived by certain + chroniclers, since the archives of the Roman Empire make no mention of an + acquisition of this kind. I am angry with him for having believed that a + “braguette” nourished with beer, could have been equal to the alchemical + operations of the Chinonian “braguettes,” so much esteemed by Rabelais. + And I have for the advantage of the country, the glory of Azay, the + conscience of the castle, and renown of the House of Beaune, from which + sprang the Sauves and the Noirmoutiers, re-established the facts in all + their veritable, historical, and admirable beauty. Should any ladies pay a + visit to the castle, there are still dozens to be found in the + neighbourhood, but they can only be procured retail. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0025" id="link2H_4_0025"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + THE FALSE COURTESAN + </h2> + <p> + That which certain people do not know, is a the truth concerning the + decease of the Duke of Orleans, brother of King Charles VI., a death which + proceeded from a great number of causes, one of which will be the subject + of this narrative. This prince was for certain the most lecherous of all + the royal race of Monseigneur St. Louis (who was in his life time King of + France), without even putting on one side some of the most debauched of + this fine family, which was so concordant with the vices and especial + qualities of our brave and pleasure-seeking nation, that you could more + easily imagine Hell without Satan than France without her valorous, + glorious, and jovial kings. So you can laugh as loudly at those muckworms + of philosophy who go about saying, “Our fathers were better,” as at the + good, philanthropical old bunglers who pretend that mankind is on the + right road to perfection. These are old blind bats, who observe neither + the plumage of oysters nor the shells of birds, which change no more than + our ways. Hip, hip, huzzah! then, make merry while you’re young. Keep your + throats wet and your eyes dry, since a hundredweight of melancholy is + worth less than an ounce of jollity. The wrong doings of this lord, lover + of Queen Isabella, whom he doted upon, brought about pleasant adventures, + since he was a great wit, of Alcibaidescal nature, and a chip off the old + block. It was he who first conceived the idea of a relay of sweethearts, + so that when he went from Paris to Bordeaux, every time he unsettled his + nag he found ready for him a good meal and a bed with as much lace inside + as out. Happy Prince! who died on horseback, for he was always across + something in-doors and out. Of his comical jokes our most excellent King + Louis the Eleventh has given a splendid sample in the book of “Cent + Nouvelles Nouvelles,” written under his superintendence during his exile, + at the Court of Burgundy, where, during the long evenings, in order to + amuse themselves, he and his cousin Charolois would relate to each other + the good tricks and jokes of the period; and when they were hard up for + true stories, each of the courtiers tried who could invent the best one. + But out of respect for the royal blood, the Dauphin has credited a + townsman with that which happened to the Lady of Cany. It is given under + the title of “La Medaille a revers”, in the collection of which it is one + of the brightest jewels, and commences the hundred. But now for mine. + </p> + <p> + The Duc d’Orleans had in his suite a lord of the province of Picardy, + named Raoul d’Hocquetonville, who had taken for a wife, to the future + trouble of the prince, a young lady related to the house of Burgundy, and + rich in domains. But, an exception to the general run of heiresses, she + was of so dazzling a beauty, that all the ladies of the court, even the + Queen and Madame Valentine, were thrown into the shade; nevertheless, this + was as nothing in the lady of Hocquetonville, compared with her Burgundian + consanguinity, her inheritances, her prettiness, and gentle nature, + because these rare advantages received a religious lustre from her supreme + innocence, sweet modesty, and chaste education. The Duke had not long + gazed upon this heaven-sent flower before he was seized with the fever of + love. He fell into a state of melancholy, frequented no bad places, and + only with regret now and then did he take a bite at his royal and dainty + German morsel Isabella. He became passionate, and swore either by sorcery, + by force, by trickery, or with her consent, to enjoy the flavours of this + gentle lady, who, by the sight of her sweet body, forced him to the last + extremity, during his now long and weary nights. At first, he pursued her + with honied words, but he soon knew by her untroubled air that she was + determined to remain virtuous, for without appearing astonished at his + proceedings, or getting angry like certain other ladies, she replied to + him, “My lord, I must inform you that I do not desire to trouble myself + with the love of other persons, not that I despise the joys which are + therein to be experienced (as supreme they must be, since so many ladies + cast into the abyss of love their homes, their honour, their future, and + everything), but from the love I bear my children. Never would I be the + cause of a blush upon their cheeks, for in this idea will I bring up my + daughters—that in virtue alone is happiness to be found. For, my + lord, if the days of our old age are more numerous than those of our + youth, of them must we think. From those who brought me up I learned to + properly estimate this life, and I know that everything therein is + transitory, except the security of the natural affections. Thus I wish for + the esteem of everyone, and above all that of my husband, who is all the + world to me. Therefore do I desire to appear honest in his sight. I have + finished, and I entreat you to allow me unmolested to attend to my + household affairs, otherwise I will unhesitatingly refer the matter to my + lord and master, who will quit your service.” + </p> + <p> + This brave reply rendered the king’s brother more amorous than ever, and + he endeavoured to ensnare this noble woman in order to possess her, dead + or alive, and he never doubted a bit that he would have her in his + clutches, relying upon his dexterity at this kind of sport, the most + joyous of all, in which it is necessary to employ the weapons of all other + kinds of sport, seeing that this sweet game is taken running, by taking + aim, by torchlight, by night, by day, in the town, in the country, in the + woods, by the waterside, in nets, with falcons, with the lance, with the + horn, with the gun, with the decoy bird, in snares, in the toils, with a + bird call, by the scent, on the wing, with the cornet, in slime, with a + bait, with the lime-twig—indeed, by means of all the snares invented + since the banishment of Adam. And gets killed in various different ways, + but generally is overridden. + </p> + <p> + The artful fellow ceased to mention his desires, but had a post of honour + given to the Lady of Hocquetonville, in the queen’s household. Now, one + day that the said Isabella went to Vincennes, to visit the sick King, and + left him master of the Hotel St. Paul, he commanded the chef to have a + delicate and royal supper prepared, and to serve it in the queen’s + apartments. Then he sent for his obstinate lady by express command, and by + one of the pages of the household. The Countess d’Hocquetonville, + believing that she was desired by Madame Isabella for some service + appertaining to her post, or invited to some sudden amusement, hastened to + the room. In consequence of the precautions taken by the disloyal lover, + no one had been able to inform the noble dame of the princess’s departure, + so she hastened to the splendid chamber, which, in the Hotel St. Paul, led + into the queen’s bedchamber; there she found the Duc d’Orleans alone. + Suspecting some treacherous plot, she went quickly into the other room, + found no queen, but heard the Prince give vent to a hearty laugh. + </p> + <p> + “I am undone!” said she. Then she endeavoured to run away. + </p> + <p> + But the good lady-killer had posted about devoted attendants, who, without + knowing what was going on, closed the hotel, barricaded the doors, and in + this mansion, so large that it equalled a fourth of Paris, the Lady + d’Hocquetonville was as in a desert, with no other aid than that of her + patron saint and God. Then, suspecting the truth, the poor lady trembled + from head to foot and fell into a chair; and then the working of this + snare, so cleverly conceived, was, with many a hearty laugh, revealed to + her by her lover. Directly the duke made a movement to approach her this + woman rose and exclaimed, arming herself first with her tongue, and + flashing one thousand maledictions from her eyes— + </p> + <p> + “You will possess me—but dead! Ha! my lord, do not force me to a + struggle which must become known to certain people. I may yet retire, and + the Sire d’Hocquetonville shall be ignorant of the sorrow with which you + have forever tinged my life. Duke, you look too often in the ladies’ faces + to find time to study men’s, and you do not therefore know your man. The + Sire d’Hocquetonville would let himself be hacked to pieces in your + service, so devoted is he to you, in memory of your kindness to him, and + also because he is partial to you. But as he loves so does he hate; and I + believe him to be the man to bring his mace down upon your head, to take + his revenge, if you but compel me to utter one cry. Do you desire both my + death and your own? But be assured that, as an honest woman, whatever + happens to me, good or evil, I shall keep no secret. Now, will you let me + go?” + </p> + <p> + The bad fellow began to whistle. Hearing his whistling, the good woman + went suddenly into the queen’s chamber, and took from a place known to her + therein, a sharp stiletto. Then, when the duke followed her to ascertain + what this flight meant, “When you pass that line,” cried she, pointing to + a board, “I will kill myself.” + </p> + <p> + My lord, without being in the least terrified, took a chair, placed it at + the very edge of the plank in question, and commenced a glowing + description of certain things, hoping to influence the mind of this brave + woman, and work her to that point that her brain, her heart, and + everything should be at his mercy. Then he commenced to say to her, in + that delicate manner to which princes are accustomed, that, in the first + place, virtuous women pay dearly for their virtue, since in order to gain + the uncertain blessings of the future, they lose all the sweetest joys of + the present, because husbands were compelled, from motives of conjugal + policy, not show them all the jewels in the shrine of love, since the said + jewels would so affect their hearts, was so rapturously delicious, so + titillatingly voluptuous, that a woman would no longer consent to dwell in + the cold regions of domestic life; and he declared this marital + abomination to be a great felony, because the least thing a man could do + in recognition of the virtuous life of a good woman and her great merits, + was to overwork himself, to exert, to exterminate himself, to please her + in every way, with fondlings and kissings and wrestlings, and all the + delicacies and sweet confectionery of love; and that, if she would taste a + little of the seraphic joys of these little ways to her unknown, she would + believe all the other things of life as not worth a straw; and that, if + such were her wish, he would forever be as silent as the grave, and last + no scandal would besmear her virtue. And the lewd fellow, perceiving that + the lady did not stop her ears, commenced to describe to her, after the + fashion of arabesque pictures, which at that time were much esteemed, the + wanton inventions of debauchery. Then did his eyes shoot flame, his words + burn, and his voice ring, and he himself took great pleasure in calling to + mind the various ways of his ladies, naming them to Madame + d’Hocquetonville, and even revealing to her the tricks, caresses, and + amorous ways of Queen Isabella, and he made use of expression so gracious + and so ardently inciting, that, fancying it caused the lady to relax her + hold upon the stiletto a little, he made as if to approach her. But she, + ashamed to be found buried in thought, gazed proudly at the diabolical + leviathan who tempted her, and said to him, “Fine sir, I thank you. You + have caused me to love my husband all the more, for from your discourse I + learn how much he esteems me by holding me in such respect that he does + not dishonour his couch with the tricks of street-walkers and bad women. I + should think myself forever disgraced, and should be contaminated to all + eternity if I put my foot in these sloughs where go these shameless + hussies. A man’s wife is one thing, and his mistress another.” + </p> + <p> + “I will wager,” said the duke, smiling, “that, nevertheless, for the + future you spur the Sire d’Hocquetonville to a little sharper pace.” + </p> + <p> + At this the good woman trembled, and cried, “You are a wicked man. Now I + both despise and abominate you! What! unable to rob me of my honour, you + attempt to poison my mind! Ah, my lord, this night’s work will cost you + dear— + </p> + <p> + “If I forget it, a yet, God will not forget. + </p> + <p> + “Are not those of verse is yours?” + </p> + <p> + “Madame,” said the duke, turning pale with anger, “I can have you bound—” + </p> + <p> + “Oh no! I can free myself,” replied she, brandishing the stiletto. + </p> + <p> + The rapscallion began to laugh. + </p> + <p> + “Never mind,” said he. “I have a means of plunging you into the sloughs of + three brazen hussies, as you call them.” + </p> + <p> + “Never, while I live.” + </p> + <p> + “Head and heels you shall go in—with your two feet, two hands, two + ivory breasts, and two other things, white as snow—your teeth, your + hair, and everything. You will go of your own accord; you shall enter into + it lasciviously, and in a way to crush your cavalier, as a wild horse does + its rider—stamping, leaping, and snorting. I swear it by Saint + Castud!” + </p> + <p> + Instantly he whistled for one of his pages. And when the page came, he + secretly ordered him to go and seek the Sire d’Hocquetonville, Savoisy, + Tanneguy, Cypierre, and other members of his band, asking them to these + rooms to supper, not without at the same time inviting to meet his guests + a pretty petticoat or two. + </p> + <p> + Then he came and sat down in his chair again, ten paces from the lady, off + whom he had not taken his eye while giving his commands to the page in a + whisper. + </p> + <p> + “Raoul is jealous,” said he. “Now let me give you a word of advice. In + this place,” he added, pointing to a secret door, “are the oils and + superfine perfumes of the queen; in this other little closet she performs + her ablutions and little feminine offices. I know by much experience that + each one of you gentle creatures has her own special perfume, by which she + is smelt and recognised. So if, as you say, Raoul is overwhelmingly + jealous with the worst of all jealousies, you will use these fast hussies’ + scents, because your danger approaches fast.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah, my lord, what do you intend to do?” + </p> + <p> + “You will know when it is necessary that you should know. I wish you no + harm, and pledge you my honour, as a loyal knight, that I will almost + thoroughly respect you, and be forever silent concerning my discomfiture. + In short, you will know that the Duc d’Orleans has a good heart, and + revenges himself nobly on ladies who treat him with disdain, by placing in + their hands the key of Paradise. Only keep your ears open to the joyous + words that will be handed from mouth to mouth in the next room, and cough + not if you love your children.” + </p> + <p> + Since there was no egress from the royal chamber, and the bars crossing + hardly left room to put one’s head through, the good prince closed the + door of the room, certain of keeping the lady a safe prisoner there, and + again impressed upon her the necessity of silence. Then came the merry + blades in great haste, and found a good and substantial supper smiling at + them from the silver plates upon the table, and the table well arranged + and well lighted, loaded with fine silver cups, and cups full of royal + wine. Then said their master to them— + </p> + <p> + “Come! Come! to your places my good friends. I was becoming very weary. + Thinking of you, I wished to arrange with you a merry feast after the + ancient method, when the Greeks and Romans said their Pater noster to + Master Priapus, and the learned god called in all countries Bacchus. The + feast will be proper and a right hearty one, since at our libation there + will be present some pretty crows with three beaks, of which I know from + great experience the best one to kiss.” + </p> + <p> + Then all of them recognising their master in all things, took pleasure in + this discourse, except Raoul d’Hocquetonville, who advanced and said to + the prince— + </p> + <p> + “My lord, I will aid you willingly in any battle but that of the + petticoats, in that of spear and axe, but not of the wine flasks. My good + companions here present have not wives at home, it is otherwise with me. I + have a sweet wife, to whom I owe my company, and an account of all my + deeds and actions.” + </p> + <p> + “Then, since I am a married man I am to blame?” said the duke. + </p> + <p> + “Ah! my dear master, you are a prince, and can do as you please.” + </p> + <p> + These brave speeches made, as you can imagine, the heart of the lady + prisoner hot and cold. + </p> + <p> + “Ah! my Raoul,” thought she, “thou art a noble man!” + </p> + <p> + “You are,” said the duke, “a man whom I love, and consider more faithful + and praiseworthy than any of my people. The others,” said he, looking at + the three lords, “are wicked men. But, Raoul,” he continued, “sit thee + down. When the linnets come—they are linnets of high degree—you + can make your way home. S’death! I had treated thee as a virtuous man, + ignorant of the extra-conjugal joys of love, and had carefully put for + thee in that room the queen of raptures—a fair demon, in whom is + concentrated all feminine inventions. I wished that once in thy life thou, + who has never tasted the essence of love, and dreamed but of war, should + know the secret marvels of the gallant amusement, since it is shameful + that one of my followers should serve a fair lady badly.” + </p> + <p> + Thereupon the Sire d’Hocquetonville sat down to a table in order to please + his prince as far as he could lawfully do so. Then they all commenced to + laugh, joke, and talk about the ladies; and according to their custom, + they related to each other their good fortunes and their love adventures, + sparing no woman except the queen of the house, and betraying the little + habits of each one, to which followed horrible little confidences, which + increased in treachery and lechery as the contents of the goblets grew + less. The duke, gay as a universal legatee, drew the guests out, telling + lies himself to learn the truth from them; and his companions ate at a + trot, drank at a full gallop, and their tongues rattled away faster than + either. + </p> + <p> + Now, listening to them, and heating his brain with wine, the Sire + d’Hocquetonville unharnessed himself little by little from the reluctance. + In spite of his virtues, he indulged certain desires, and became soaked in + these impurities like a saint who defiles himself while saying his + prayers. Perceiving which, the prince, on the alert to satisfy his ire and + his bile, began to say to him, joking him— + </p> + <p> + “By Saint Castud, Raoul, we are all tarred with the same brush, all + discreet away from here. Go; we will say nothing to Madame. By heaven! + man, I wish thee to taste of the joys of paradise. There,” said he, + tapping the door of the room in which was Madame d’Hocquetonville, “in + there is a lady of the court and a friend of the queen, but the greatest + priestess of Venus that ever was, and her equal is not to be found in any + courtesan, harlot, dancer, doxy, or hussy. She was engendered at a moment + when paradise was radiant with joy, when nature was procreating, when the + planets were whispering vows of love, when the beasts were frisking and + capering, and everything was aglow with desire. Although the women make an + altar of her bed, she is nevertheless too great a lady to allow herself to + be seen, and too well known to utter any words but the sounds of love. No + light will you need, for her eyes flash fire, and attempt no conversation, + since she speaks only with movements and twistings more rapid than those + of a deer surprised in the forest. Only, my dear Raoul, but so merry a nag + look to your stirrups, sit light in the saddle, since with one plunge she + would hurl thee to the ceiling, if you are not careful. She burns always, + and is always longing for male society. Our poor dead friend, the young + Sire de Giac, met his death through her; she drained his marrow in one + springtime. God’s truth! to know such bliss as that of which she rings the + bells and lights the fires, what man would not forfeit a third of his + future happiness? and he who has known her once would for a second night + forfeit without regret eternity.” + </p> + <p> + “But,” said Raoul, “in things which should be so much alike, how is it + that there is so great a difference?” + </p> + <p> + “Ha! Ha! Ha!” + </p> + <p> + Thereupon the company burst out laughing, and animated by the wine and a + wink from their master, they all commenced relating droll and quaint + conceits, laughing, shouting, and making a great noise. Now, knowing not + that an innocent scholar was there, these jokers, who had drowned their + sense of shame in the wine-cups, said things to make the figures on the + mantel shake, the walls and the ceilings blush; and the duke surpassed + them all, saying, that the lady who was in bed in the next room awaiting a + gallant should be the empress of these warm imaginations, because she + practised them every night. Upon this the flagons being empty, the duke + pushed Raoul, who let himself be pushed willingly, into the room, and by + this means the prince compelled the lady to deliberate by which dagger she + would live or die. At midnight the Sire d’Hocquetonville came out + gleefully, not without remorse at having been false to his good wife. Then + the Duc d’Orleans led Madame d’Hocquetonville out by a garden door, so + that she gained her residence before her husband arrived here. + </p> + <p> + “This,” said she, in the prince’s ear, as she passed the postern, “will + cost us all dear.” + </p> + <p> + One year afterwards, in the old Rue du Temple, Raoul d’Hocquetonville, who + had quitted the service of the Duke for that of Jehan of Burgundy, gave + the king’s brother a blow on the head with a club, and killed him, as + everyone knows. In the same year died the Lady d’Hocquetonville, having + faded like a flower deprived of air and eaten by a worm. Her good husband + had engraved upon her marble tomb, which is in one of the cloisters of + Peronne, the following inscription— + </p> + <p> + HERE LIES BERTHA DE BOURGONGE THE NOBLE AND COMELY WIFE OF RAOUL, SIRE DE + HOCQUETONVILLE. + </p> + <p> + ALAS! PRAY NOT FOR HER SOUL SHE BLOSSOMED AGAIN IN PARADISE THE ELEVENTH + DAY OF JANUARY IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD MCCCCVIII., IN THE TWENTY-THIRD + YEAR OF HER AGE, LEAVING TWO SONS AND HER LORD SPOUSE INCONSOLABLE. + </p> + <p> + This epitaph was written in elegant Latin, but for the convenience of all + it was necessary to translate it, although the word comely is feeble + beside that of formosa, which signifies beautiful in shape. The Duke of + Burgundy, called the Fearless, in whom previous to his death the Sire + d’Hocquetonville confided the troubles cemented with lime and sand in his + heart, used to say, in spite of his hardheartedness in these matters, that + this epitaph plunged him into a state of melancholy for a month, and that + among all the abominations of his cousin of Orleans, there was one for + which he would kill him over again if the deed had not already been done, + because this wicked man had villianously defaced with vice the most divine + virtue in the world and had prostituted two noble hearts, the one by the + other. When saying this he would think of the lady of Hocquetonville and + of his own, which portrait had been unwarrantably placed in the cabinet + where his cousin placed the likeness of his wenches. + </p> + <p> + The adventure was so extremely shocking, that when it was related by the + Count de Charolois to the Dauphin, afterwards Louis XI., the latter would + not allow his secretaries to publish it in his collection, out of respect + for his great uncle the Duke d’Orleans, and for Dunois his old comrade, + the son of the same. But the person of the lady of Hocquetonville is so + sublimely virtuous, so exquisitely melancholy, that in her favour the + present publication of this narrative will be forgiven, in spite of the + diabolical invention and vengeance of Monseigneur d’Orleans. The just + death of this rascal nevertheless caused many serious rebellions, which + finally Louis XI., losing all patience, put down with fire and sword. + </p> + <p> + This shows us that there is a woman at the bottom of everything, in France + as elsewhere, and that sooner or later we must pay for our follies. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0026" id="link2H_4_0026"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + THE DANGER OF BEING TOO INNOCENT + </h2> + <p> + The Lord of Montcontour was a brave soldier of Tours, who in honour of the + battle gained by the Duke of Anjou, afterwards our right glorious king, + caused to be built at Vouvray the castle thus named, for he had borne + himself most bravely in that affair, where he overcame the greatest of + heretics, and from that was authorised to take the name. Now this said + captain had two sons, good Catholics, of whom the eldest was in favour at + court. After the peace, which was concluded before the stratagem arranged + for St Bartholomew’s Day, the good man returned to his manor, which was + not ornamented as it is at the present day. There he received the sad + announcement of the death of his son, slain in a duel by the lord of + Villequier. The poor father was the more cut up at this, as he had + arranged a capital marriage for the said son with a young lady of the male + branch of Amboise. Now, by this death most piteously inopportune, vanished + all the future and advantages of his family, of which he wished to make a + great and noble house. With this idea, he had put his other son in a + monastery, under the guidance and government of a man renowned for his + holiness, who brought him up in a Christian manner, according to the + desire of his father, who wished from high ambition to make him a cardinal + of renown. For this the good abbot kept the young man in a private house, + and had to sleep by his side in his cell, allowed no evil weeds to grow in + his mind, brought him up in purity of soul and true condition, as all + priests should be. This said clerk, when turned nineteen years, knew no + other love than the love of God, no other nature than that of the angels + who had not our carnal properties, in order that they may live in purity, + seeing that otherwise they would make good use of them. The which the King + on high, who wished to have His pages always proper, was afraid of. He has + done well, because His good little people cannot drink in dram shops or + riot in brothels as ours do. He is divinely served; but then remember, He + is Lord of all. Now in this plight the lord of Montcontour determined to + withdraw his second son from the cloister, and invest him with the purple + of the soldier and courtier, in the place of the ecclesiastical purple; + and determined to give him in marriage to the maiden, affianced to the + dead man, which was wisely determined because wrapped round with + continence and sobriety in all ways as was the little monk, the bride + would be as well used and happier than she would have been with the elder, + already well hauled over, upset, and spoiled by the ladies of the court. + The befrocked, unfrocked, and very sheepish in his ways, followed the + sacred wishes of his father, and consented to the said marriage without + knowing what a wife, and—what is more curious—what a girl was. + By chance, his journey having been hindered by the troubles and marches of + conflicting parties, this innocent—more innocent than it is lawful + for a man to be innocent—only came to the castle of Montcontour the + evening before the wedding, which was performed with dispensations bought + in by the archbishopric of Tours. It is necessary here to describe the + bride. Her mother, long time a widow, lived in the House of M. de + Braguelongne, civil lieutenant of the Chatelet de Paris, whose wife lived + with lord of Lignieres, to the great scandal of the period. But everyone + then had so many joists in his own eye that he had no right to notice the + rafters in the eyes of others. Now, in all families people go to + perdition, without noticing their neighbours, some at an amble, others at + a gentle trot, many at a gallop, and a small number walking, seeing that + the road is all downhill. Thus in these times the devil had many a good + orgy in all things, since that misconduct was fashionable. The poor old + lady Virtue had retired trembling, no one knew whither, but now here, now + there, lived miserably in company with honest women. + </p> + <p> + In the most noble house Amboise there still lived the Dowager of Chaumont, + an old woman of well proved virtue, in whom had retired all the religion + and good conduct of this fine family. The said lady had taken to her + bosom, from the age of ten years, the little maiden who is concerned in + this adventure, and who had never caused Madame Amboise the least anxiety, + but left her free in her movements, and she came to see her daughter once + a year, when the court passed that way. In spite of this high maternal + reserve, Madame Amboise was invited to her daughter’s wedding, and also + the lord of Braguelongne, by the good old soldier, who knew his people. + But the dear dowager came not to Montcontour, because she could not obtain + relief from her sciatica, her cold, nor the state of her legs, which + gamboled no longer. Over this the good woman cried copiously. It hurt her + much to let go into the dangers of the court and of life this gentle + maiden, as pretty as it was possible for a pretty girl to be, but she was + obliged to give her her wings. But it was not without promising her many + masses and orisons every evening for her happiness. And comforted a + little, the good old lady began to think that the staff of her old age was + passing into the hands of a quasi-saint, brought up to do good by the + above-mentioned abbot, with whom she was acquainted, the which had aided + considerably in the prompt exchange of spouses. At length, embracing her + with tears, the virtuous dowager made those last recommendations to her + that ladies make to young brides, as that she ought to be respectful to + his mother, and obey her husband in everything. + </p> + <p> + Then the maid arrived with a great noise, conducted by servants, + chamberlains, grooms, gentlemen, and people of the house of Chaumont, so + that you would have imagined her suite to be that of a cardinal legate. So + arrived the two spouses the evening before marriage. Then, the feasting + over, they were married with great pomp on the Lord’s Day, a mass being + said at the castle by the Bishop of Blois, who was a great friend of the + lord of Montcontour; in short, the feasting, the dancing, and the + festivities of all sorts lasted till the morning. But on the stroke of + midnight the bridesmaids went to put the bride to bed, according to the + custom of Touraine; and during this time they kept quarrelling with the + innocent husband, to prevent him going to this innocent wife, who sided + with them from ignorance. However, the good lord of Montcontour + interrupted the jokers and the wits, because it was necessary that his son + should occupy himself in well-doing. Then went the innocent into the + chamber of his wife, whom he thought more beautiful than the Virgin Mary + painted in Italian, Flemish, and other pictures, at whose feet he had said + his prayers. But you may be sure he felt very much embarrassed at having + so soon become a husband, because he knew nothing of his business, and saw + that certain forms had to be gone through concerning which from great and + modest reserve, he had no time to question even his father, who had said + sharply to him— + </p> + <p> + “You know what you have to do; be valiant therein.” + </p> + <p> + Then he saw the gentle girl who was given him, comfortably tucked up in + the bedclothes, terribly curious, her head buried under, but hazarding a + glance as at the point of a halberd, and saying to herself— + </p> + <p> + “I must obey him.” + </p> + <p> + And knowing nothing, she awaited the will of this slightly ecclesiastical + gentleman, to whom, in fact, she belonged. Seeing which, the Chevalier de + Montcontour came close to the bed, scratched his ear, and knelt down, a + thing in which he was expert. + </p> + <p> + “Have you said your prayers?” said he. + </p> + <p> + “No,” said she; “I have forgotten them. Do wish me to say them?” + </p> + <p> + Then the young couple commenced the business of a housekeeping by + imploring God, which was not at all out of place. But unfortunately the + devil heard, and at once replied to their requests, God being much + occupied at that time with the new and abominable reformed religion. + </p> + <p> + “What did they tell you to do?” said the husband. + </p> + <p> + “To love you,” said she, in perfect innocence. + </p> + <p> + “This has not been told to me; but I love you, I am ashamed to say, better + than I love God.” + </p> + <p> + This speech did not alarm the bride. + </p> + <p> + “I should like,” said the husband, “to repose myself in your bed, if it + will not disturb you.” + </p> + <p> + “I will make room for you willingly because I am to submit myself to you.” + </p> + <p> + “Well,” said he, “don’t look at me again. I’m going to take my clothes + off, and come.” + </p> + <p> + At this virtuous speech, the young damsel turned herself towards the wall + in great expectation, seeing that it was for the very first time that she + was about to find herself separated from a man by the confines of a shirt + only. Then came the innocent, gliding into bed, and thus they found + themselves, so to speak, united, but far from what you can imagine what. + Did you ever see a monkey brought from across the seas, who for the first + time is given a nut to crack? This ape, knowing by high apish imagination + how delicious is the food hidden under the shell, sniffs and twists + himself about in a thousand apish ways, saying, I know not what, between + his chattering jaws. Ah! with what affection he studies it, with what + study he examines it, in what examination he holds it, then throws it, + rolls and tosses it about with passion, and often, when it is an ape of + low extraction and intelligence, leaves the nut. As much did the poor + innocent who, towards the dawn, was obliged to confess to his dear wife + that, not knowing how to perform his office, or what that office was, or + where to obtain the said office, it would be necessary for him to inquire + concerning it, and have help and aid. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said she; “since, unhappily, I cannot instruct you.” + </p> + <p> + In fact, in spite of their efforts, essay of all kinds—in spite of a + thousand things which the innocents invent, and which the wise in matters + of love know nothing about—the pair dropped off to sleep, wretched + at having been unable to discover the secret of marriage. But they wisely + agreed to say that they had done so. When the wife got up, still a maiden, + seeing that she had not been crowned, she boasted of her night, and said + she had the king of husbands, and went on with her chattering and repartee + as briskly as those who know nothing of these things. Then everyone found + the maiden a little too sharp, since for a two-edged joke a lady of + Roche-Corbon having incited a young maiden, de la Bourdaisiere, who knew + nothing of such things, to ask the bride— + </p> + <p> + “How many loaves did your husband put in the oven?” + </p> + <p> + “Twenty-four,” she replied. + </p> + <p> + Now, as the bridegroom was roaming sadly about, thereby distressing his + wife, who followed him with her eyes, hoping to see his state of innocence + come to an end, the ladies believed that the joy of that night had cost + him dear, and that the said bride was already regretting having so quickly + ruined him. And at breakfast came the bad jokes, which at that time were + relished as excellent, one said that the bride had an open expression; + another, that there had been some good strokes of business done that night + in the castle; this one, that the oven had been burned; that one that the + two families have lost something that night that they would never find + again. And a thousand other jokes, stupidities, and double meanings that, + unfortunately the husband did not understand. But on account of the great + affluence of the relations, neighbours, and others, no one had been to + bed; all had danced, rollicked, and frolicked, as is the custom at noble + weddings. + </p> + <p> + At this was quite contented my said Sieur de Braguelongne, upon whom my + lady of Amboise, excited by the thought of the good things which were + happening to her daughter, cast the glances of a falcon in matters of + gallant assignation. The poor Lieutenant civil, learned in bailiffs’ men + and sergeants, and who nabbed all the pickpockets and scamps of Paris, + pretended not to see his good fortune, although his good lady required him + to do. You may be sure this great lady’s love weighed heavily upon him, so + he only kept to her from a spirit of justice, because it was not seeming + in a lieutenant judiciary to change his mistresses as often as a man at + court, because he had under his charge morals, the police and religion. + This not withstanding his rebellion must come to an end. On the day after + the wedding a great number of the guests departed; then Madame d’Amboise + and Monsieur de Braguelongne could go to bed, their guests having + decamped. Sitting down to supper, the lieutenant received a half-verbal + summons to which it was not becoming, as in legal matters, to oppose any + reasons for delay. + </p> + <p> + During supper the said lady d’Amboise made more than a hundred little + signs in order to draw the good Braguelongne from the room where he was + with the bride, but out came instead of the lieutenant the husband, to + walk about in company with the mother of his sweet wife. Now, in the mind + of this innocent there had sprung up like a mushroom an expedient—namely, + to interrogate this good lady, whom he considered discreet, for + remembering the religious precepts of his abbot, who had told him to + inquire concerning all things of old people expert in the ways of life, he + thought of confiding his case to the said lady d’Amboise. But he made + first awkwardly and shyly certain twists and turns, finding no terms in + which to unfold his case. And the lady was also perfectly silent, since + she was outrageously struck with the blindness, deafness and voluntary + paralysis of the lord of Braguelongne; and said to herself, walking by the + side of this delicate morsel, a young innocent of whom she did not think, + little imagining that this cat so well provided with young bacon could + think of old— + </p> + <p> + “This Ho, Ho, with a beard of flies’ legs, a flimsy, old, grey, ruined, + shaggy beard—beard without comprehension, beard without shame, + without any feminine respect—beard which pretends neither to feel + nor to hear, nor to see, a pared away beard, a beaten down, disordered, + gutted beard. May the Italian sickness deliver me from this vile joker + with a squashed nose, fiery nose, frozen nose, nose without religion, nose + dry as a lute table, pale nose, nose without a soul, nose which is nothing + but a shadow; nose which sees not, nose wrinkled like the leaf of a vine; + nose that I hate, old nose, nose full of mud—dead nose. Where had my + eyes been to attach myself to truffle nose, to this old hulk that no + longer knows his way? I give my share to the devil of this juiceless + beard, of this grey beard, of this monkey face, of these old tatters, of + this old rag of a man, of this—I know not what; and I’ll take a + young husband who’ll marry me properly, and . . . and often—every + day—and well—” + </p> + <p> + In this wise train of thought was she when the innocent began his anthem + to this woman, so warmly excited, who at the first paraphrase took fire in + her understanding, like a piece of old touchwood from the carbine of a + soldier; and finding it wise to try her son-in-law, said to herself— + </p> + <p> + “Ah! young beard, sweet scented! Ah! pretty new nose—fresh beard + —innocent nose—virgin appeared—nose full of joy it—beard + of springtime, small key of love!” + </p> + <p> + She kept on talking the round of the garden, which was long, and then + arranged with the Innocent that, night come, he should sally forth from + his room and get into hers, where she engaged to render him more learned + than ever was his father. And the husband was well content, and thanked + Madame d’Amboise, begging her to say nothing of this arrangement. + </p> + <p> + During this time the good old Braguelongne had been growling and saying to + himself, “Old ha, ha! old ho, ho! May the plague take thee! may a cancer + eat thee!—worthless old currycomb! old slipper, too big for the + foot! old arquebus! ten year old codfish! old spider that spins no more! + old death with open eyes! old devil’s cradle! vile lantern of an old + town-crier too! Old wretch whose look kills! old moustache of an old + theriacler! old wretch to make dead men weep! old organ-pedal! old sheath + with a hundred knives! old church porch, worn out by the knees! old + poor-box in which everyone has dropped. I’ll give all my future to be quit + of thee!” As he finished these gentle thoughts the pretty bride, who was + thinking of her young husband’s great sorrow at not knowing the + particulars of that essential item of marriage, and not having the + slightest idea what it was, thought to save him much tribulation, shame, + and labour by instructing herself. And she counted upon much astonishing + and rejoicing him the next night when she should say to him, teaching him + his duty, “That’s the thing my love!” Brought up in great respect of old + people by her dear dowager, she thought of inquiring of this good man in + her sweetest manner to distil for her the sweet mysteries of the commerce. + Now, the lord of Braguelongne, ashamed of being lost in sad contemplation + of this evening’s work, and of saying nothing to his gay companion, put + this summary interrogation to the fair bride—“If she was not happy + with so good a young husband—” + </p> + <p> + “He is very good,” said she. + </p> + <p> + “Too good, perhaps,” said the lieutenant smiling. + </p> + <p> + To be brief, matters were so well arranged between them that the Lord + engaged to spare no pains to enlighten the understanding of Madame + d’Amboise’s daughter-in-law, who promised to come and study her lesson in + his room. The said lady d’Amboise pretended after supper to play terrible + music in a high key to Monsieur Braguelongne saying that he had no + gratitude for the blessings she had brought him—her position, her + wealth, her fidelity, etc. In fact, she talked for half an hour without + having exhausted a quarter of her ire. From this a hundred knives were + drawn between them, but they kept the sheaths. Meanwhile the spouses in + bed were arranging to themselves how to get away, in order to please each + other. Then the innocent began to say he fell quite giddy, he knew not + from what, and wanted to go into the open air. And his maiden wife told + him to take a stroll in the moonlight. And then the good fellow began to + pity his wife in being left alone a moment. At her desire, both of them at + different times left their conjugal couch and came to their preceptors, + both very impatient, as you can well believe; and good instruction was + given to them. How? I cannot say, because everyone has his own method and + practice, and of all sciences this is the most variable in principle. You + may be sure that never did scholars receive more gayly the precepts of any + language, grammar, or lessons whatsoever. And the two spouses returned to + their nest, delighted at being able to communicate to each other the + discoveries of their scientific peregrinations. + </p> + <p> + “Ah, my dear,” said the bride, “you already know more than my master.” + </p> + <p> + From these curious tests came their domestic joy and perfect fidelity; + because immediately after their entry into the married state they found + out how much better each of them was adapted for love than anyone else, + their masters included. Thus for the remainder of their days they kept to + the legitimate substance of their own persons; and the lord of Montcontour + said in old age to his friends— + </p> + <p> + “Do like me, be cuckolds in the blade, and not in the sheath.” + </p> + <p> + Which is the true morality of the conjugal condition. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0027" id="link2H_4_0027"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + THE DEAR NIGHT OF LOVE + </h2> + <p> + In that winter when commenced that first taking up of arms by those of the + religion, which was called the Riot of Amboise, an advocate, named + Avenelles, lent his house, situated in the Rue des Marmousets for the + interviews and conventions of the Huguenots, being one of them, without + knowing, however, that the Prince of Conde, La Regnaudie, and others, + intended to carry off the king. + </p> + <p> + The said Avenelles wore a nasty red beard, as shiny as a stick of + liquorice, and was devilishly pale, as are all the rogues who take refuge + in the darkness of the law; in short, the most evil-minded advocate that + has ever lived, laughing at the gallows, selling everybody, and a true + Judas. According to certain authors of a great experience in subtle rogues + he was in this affair, half knave, half fool, as it is abundantly proved + by this narrative. This procureur had married a very lovely lady of Paris, + of whom he was jealous enough to kill her for a pleat in the sheets, for + which she could not account, which would have been wrong, because honest + creases are often met with. But she folded her clothes very well, so + there’s the end of the matter. Be assured that, knowing the murderous and + evil nature of this man, his wife was faithful enough to him, always + ready, like a candlestick, arranged for her duty like a chest which never + moves, and opens to order. Nevertheless, the advocate had placed her under + the guardianship and pursuing eye of an old servant, a duenna as ugly as a + pot without a handle, who had brought up the Sieur Avenelles, and was very + fond of him. His poor wife, for all pleasure in her cold domestic life, + used to go to the Church of St. Jehan, on the Place de Greve, where, as + everyone knows, the fashionable world was accustomed to meet; and while + saying her paternosters to God she feasted her eyes upon all these + gallants, curled, adorned, and starched, young, comely, and flitting about + like true butterflies, and finished by picking out from among the lot a + good gentleman, lover of the queen-mother, and a handsome Italian, with + whom she was smitten because he was in the May of his age, nobly dressed, + a graceful mover, brave in mien, and was all that a lover should be to + bestow a heart full of love upon an honest married woman too tightly + squeezed by the bonds of matrimony, which torment her, and always excite + her to unharness herself from the conjugal yoke. And you can imagine that + the young gentleman grew to admire Madame, whose silent love spoke + secretly to him, without either the devil or themselves knowing how. Both + one and the other had their correspondence of love. At first, the + advocate’s wife adorned herself only to come to church, and always came in + some new sumptuosity; and instead of thinking of God, she made God angry + by thinking of her handsome gentleman, and leaving her prayers, she gave + herself up to the fire which consumed her heart, and moistened her eyes, + her lips, and everything, seeing that this fire always dissolves itself in + water; and often said to herself: “Ha! I would give my life for a single + embrace with this pretty lover who loves me.” Often, too, in place of + saying her litanies to Madame the Virgin, she thought in her heart: “To + feel the glorious youth of this gentle lover, to have the full joys of + love, to taste all in one moment, little should I mind the flames into + which the heretics are thrown.” Then the gentleman gazing at the charms of + this good wife, and her burning blushes when he glanced at her, came + always close to her stool, and addressed to her those requests which the + ladies understand so well. Then he said aside to himself: “By the double + horn on my father, I swear to have the woman, though it cost me my life.” + </p> + <p> + And when the duenna turned her head, the two lovers squeezed, pressed, + breathed, ate, devoured, and kissed each other by a look which would have + set light to the match of a musketeer, if the musketeer had been there. It + was certain that a love so far advanced in the heart should have an end. + The gentleman dressed as a scholar of Montaign, began to regale the clerks + of the said Avenelles, and to joke in the company, in order to learn the + habits of the husband, his hours of absence, his journeys, and everything, + watching for an opportunity to stick his horns on. And this was how, to + his injury, the opportunity occurred. The advocate, obliged to follow the + course of this conspiracy, and, in case of failure, intending to revenge + himself upon the Guises, determined to go to Blois, where the court then + was in great danger of being carried off. Knowing this, the gentleman came + first to the town of Blois, and there arranged a master-trap, into which + the Sieur Avenelles should fall, in spite of his cunning, and not come out + until steeped in a crimson cuckoldom. The said Italian, intoxicated with + love, called together all his pages and vassals, and posted them in such a + manner that on the arrival of the advocate, his wife, and her duenna, it + was stated to them at all the hostelries at which they wished to put up + that the hostelry being full, in consequence of the sojourn of the court, + they must go elsewhere. Then the gentleman made such an arrangement with + the landlord of the Soleil Royal, that he had the whole of the house, and + occupied, without any of the usual servants of the place remaining there. + For greater security, my lord sent the said master and his people into the + country, and put his own in their places, so that the advocate should know + nothing of this arrangement. Behold my good gentleman who lodges his + friends to come to the court in the hostelry, and for himself keeps a room + situated above those in which he intends to put his lovely mistress, her + advocate, and the duenna, not without first having cut a trap in the + boards. And his steward being charged to play the part of the innkeeper, + his pages dressed like guests, and his female servants like servants of + the inn, he waited for spies to convey to him the dramatis personae of + this farce—viz., wife, husband, and duenna, none of whom failed to + come. Seeing the immense wealth of the great lords, merchants, warriors, + members of the service, and others, brought by the sojourn of the young + king, of two queens, the Guises, and all the court, no one had a right to + be astonished or to talk of the roguish trap, or of the confusion come to + the Soleil Royal. Behold now the Sieur Avenelles, on his arrival, bundled + about, he, his wife and the duenna from inn to inn, and thinking + themselves very fortunate in being received at the Soleil Royal, where the + gallant was getting warm, and love was burning. The advocate, being + lodged, the lover walked about the courtyard, watching and waiting for a + glance from the lady; and he did not have to wait very long, since the + fair Avenelles, looking soon into the court, after the custom of the + ladies, there recognised not without great throbbing of the heart, her + gallant and well-beloved gentleman. At that she was very happy; and if by + a lucky chance both had been alone together for an ounce of time, that + good gentleman would not have had to wait for his good fortune, so burning + was she from head to foot. + </p> + <p> + “How warm it is in the rays of this lord,” said she, meaning to say sun, + since it was then shining fiercely. + </p> + <p> + Hearing this, the advocate sprang to the window, and beheld my gentleman. + </p> + <p> + “Ha! you want lords, my dear, do you?” said the advocate, dragging her by + the arm, and throwing her like one of his bags on to the bed. “Remember + that if I have a pencase at my side instead of a sword, I have a penknife + in this pencase, and that penknife will go into your heart on the least + suspicion of conjugal impropriety. I believe I have seen that gentleman + somewhere.” + </p> + <p> + The advocate was so terribly spiteful that the lady rose, and said to him— + </p> + <p> + “Well, kill me. I am not afraid of deceiving you. Never touch me again, + after having thus menaced me. And from to-day I shall never think of + sleeping save with a lover more gentle than you are.” + </p> + <p> + “There, there, my little one!” said the advocate, surprised. “We have gone + a little too far. Kiss me, chick-a-biddy, and forgive me.” + </p> + <p> + “I will neither kiss nor pardon you,” said she “You are a wretch!” + </p> + <p> + Avenelles, enraged, wished to take by force that which his wife denied + him, and from this resulted a combat, from which the husband emerged + clawed all over. But the worst of it was, that the advocate, covered with + scratches, being expected by the conspirators, who were holding a council, + was obliged to quit his good wife, leaving her to the care of the old + woman. + </p> + <p> + The knave having departed, the gentleman putting one of his servants to + keep watch at the corner of the street, mounts to his blessed trap, lifts + it noiselessly, and calls the lady by a gentle psit! psit! which was + understood by the heart, which generally understands everything. The lady + lifts her head, and sees her pretty lover four flea jumps above her. Upon + a sign, she takes hold of two cords of black silk, to which were attached + loops, through which she passes her arms, and in the twinkling of an eye + is translated by two pulleys from her bed through the ceiling into the + room above, and the trap closing as it has opened, left the old duenna in + a state of great flabbergastation, when, turning her head, she neither saw + robe nor woman, and perceived that the women had been robbed. How? by + whom? in what way? where? —Presto! Foro! Magico! As much knew the + alchemists at their furnaces reading Herr Trippa. Only the old woman knew + well the crucible, and the great work—the one was cuckoldom, and the + other the private property of Madame Advocate. She remained dumbfounded, + watching for the Sieur Avenelles—as well say death, for in his rage + he would attack everything, and the poor duenna could not run away, + because with great prudence the jealous man had taken the keys with him. + At first sight, Madame Avenelles found a dainty supper, a good fire in the + grate, but a better in the heart of her lover, who seized her, and kissed + her, with tears of joy, on the eyes first of all, to thank them for their + sweet glances during devotion at the church of St Jehan en Greve. Nor did + the glowing better half of the lawyer refuse her little mouth to his love, + but allowed herself to be properly pressed, adored, caressed, delighting + to be properly pressed, admirably adored, and calorously caressed after + the manner of eager lovers. And both agreed to be all in all to each other + the whole night long, no matter what the result might be, she counting the + future as a fig in comparison with the joys of this night, he relying upon + his cunning and his sword to obtain many another. In short, both of them + caring little for life, because at one stroke they consummated a thousand + lives, enjoyed with each other a thousand delights, giving to each other + the double of their own—believing, he and she, that they were + falling into an abyss, and wishing to roll there closely clasped, hurling + all the love of their souls with rage in one throw. Therein they loved + each other well. Thus they knew not love, the poor citizens, who live + mechanically with their good wives, since they know not the fierce beating + of the heart, the hot gush of life, and the vigorous clasp as of two young + lovers, closely united and glowing with passion, who embrace in face of + the danger of death. Now the youthful lady and the gentleman ate little + supper, but retired early to rest. Let us leave them there, since no + words, except those of paradise unknown to us, would describe their + delightful agonies, and agonising delights. Meanwhile, the husband, so + well cuckolded that all memory of marriage had been swept away by love,—the + said Avenelles found himself in a great fix. To the council of the + Huguenots came the Prince of Conde, accompanied by all the chiefs and + bigwigs, and there it was resolved to carry off the queen-mother, the + Guises, the young king, the young queen, and to change the government. + This becoming serious, the advocate seeing his head at stake, did not feel + the ornaments being planted there, and ran to divulge the conspiracy to + the cardinal of Lorraine, who took the rogue to the duke, his brother, and + all three held a consultation, making fine promises to the Sieur + Avenelles, whom with the greatest difficulty they allowed, towards + midnight, to depart, at which hour he issued secretly from the castle. At + this moment the pages of the gentleman and all his people were having a + right jovial supper in honour of the fortuitous wedding of their master. + Now, arriving at the height of the festivities, in the middle of the + intoxication and joyous huzzahs, he was assailed with jeers, jokes, and + laughter that turned him sick when he came into his room. The poor servant + wished to speak, but the advocate promptly planted a blow in her stomach, + and by a gesture commanded her to be silent. Then he felt in his valise, + and took therefrom a good poniard. While he was opening and shutting it, a + frank, naive, joyous, amorous, pretty, celestial roar of laughter, + followed by certain words of easy comprehension, came down through the + trap. The cunning advocate, blowing out his candle, saw through the cracks + in the boards caused by the shrinking of the door a light, which vaguely + explained the mystery to him, for he recognised the voice of his wife, and + that of the combatant. The husband took the duenna by the arm, and went + softly at the stairs searching for the door of the chamber in which were + the lovers, and did not fail to find it. Fancy! that like a horrid, rude + advocate, he burst open the door, and with one spring was on the bed, in + which he surprised his wife, half dressed, in the arms of the gentleman. + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said she. + </p> + <p> + The lover having avoided the blow, tried to snatch the poniard from the + hands of the knave, who held it firmly. + </p> + <p> + Now, in this struggle of life and death, the husband finding himself + hindered by his lieutenant, who clutched him tightly with his fingers of + iron, and bitten by his wife, who tore away at him with a will, gnawing + him as a dog gnaws a bone, he thought instantly of a better way to gratify + his rage. Then the devil, newly horned, maliciously ordered, in his + patois, the servants to tie the lovers with the silken cords of the trap, + and throwing the poniard away, he helped the duenna to make them fast. And + the thing thus done in a moment, he rammed some linen into their mouths to + stop their cries, and ran to his good poniard without saying a word. At + this moment there entered several officers of the Duke of Guise, whom + during the struggle no one had heard turning the house upside down, + looking for the Sieur Avenelles. These soldiers, suddenly warned by the + cries of the pages of the lord, bound, gagged and half killed, threw + themselves between the man with the poniard and the lovers, disarmed him, + and accomplished their mission by arresting him, and marching him off to + the castle prison, he, his wife, and the duenna. At the same time the + people of the Guises, recognising one of their master’s friends, with whom + at this moment the queen was most anxious to consult, and whom they were + enjoined to summon to the council, invited him to come with them. Then the + gentleman soon untied, dressing himself, said aside to the chief of the + escort, that on his account, for the love for him, he should be careful to + keep the husband away from his wife, promising him his favour, good + advancement, and even a few deniers, if he were careful to obey him on + this point. And for greater surety he explained to him the why and the + wherefore of the affair, adding that if the husband found himself within + reach of this fair lady he would give her for certain a blow in the belly + from which she would never recover. Finally he ordered him to place the + lady in the jail of the castle, in a pleasant place level with gardens, + and the advocate in a safe dungeon, not without chaining him hand and + foot. The which the said office promised, and arranged matters according + to the wish of the gentleman, who accompanied the lady as far as the + courtyard of the castle, assuring her that this business would make her a + widow, and that he would perhaps espouse her in legitimate marriage. In + fact, the Sieur Avenelles was thrown into a damp dungeon, without air, and + his pretty wife placed in a room above him, out of consideration for her + lover, who was the Sieur Scipion Sardini, a noble of Lucca, exceedingly + rich, and, as has been before stated, a friend of Queen Catherine de + Medici, who at that time did everything in concert with the Guises. Then + he went up quickly to the queen’s apartments, where a great secret council + was then being held, and there the Italian learned what was going on, and + the danger of the court. Monseigneur Sardini found the privy counsellors + much embarrassed and surprised at this dilemma, but he made them all + agree, telling them to turn it to their own advantage; and to his advice + was due the clever idea of lodging the king in the castle of Amboise, in + order to catch the heretics there like foxes in a bag, and there to slay + them all. Indeed, everyone knows how the queen-mother and Guises + dissimulated, and how the Riot of Amboise terminated. This is not, + however, the subject of the present narrative. When in the morning + everyone had quitted the chamber of the queen-mother, where everything had + been arranged, Monseigneur Sardini, in no way oblivious of his love for + the fair Avenelles, although he was at the time deeply smitten with the + lovely Limeuil, a girl belonging to the queen-mother, and her relation by + the house of La Tour de Turenne, asked why the good Judas had been caged. + Then the Cardinal of Lorraine told him his intention was not in any way to + harm the rogue, but that fearing his repentance, and for greater security + of his silence until the end of the affair, he put him out of the way, and + would liberate him at the proper time. + </p> + <p> + “Liberate him!” said the Luccanese. “Never! Put him in a sack, and throw + the old black gown into the Loire. In the first place I know him; he is + not the man to forgive you his imprisonment, and will return to the + Protestant Church. Thus this will be a work pleasant to God, to rid him of + a heretic. Then no one will know your secrets, and not one of his + adherents will think of asking you what has become of him, because he is a + traitor. Let me procure the escape of his wife and arrange the rest; I + will take it off your hands.” + </p> + <p> + “Ha, ha!” said the cardinal; “you give good council. Now I will, before + distilling your advice, have them both more securely guarded. Hi, there!” + </p> + <p> + Came an officer of police, who was ordered to let no person whoever he + might be, communicate with the two prisoners. Then the cardinal begged + Sardini to say at his hotel that the said advocate had departed from Blois + to return to his causes in Paris. The men charged with the arrest of the + advocate had received a verbal order to treat him as a man of importance, + so they neither stripped nor robbed him. Now the advocate had kept thirty + gold crowns in his purse, and resolved to lose them all to assure his + vengeance, and proved by good arguments to the jailers that it was + allowable for him to see his wife, on whom he doted, and whose legitimate + embrace he desired. Monseigneur Sardini, fearing for his mistress the + danger of the proximity of this red learned rogue, and for her having + great fear of certain evils, determined to carry her off in the night, and + put her in a place of safety. Then he hired some boatmen and also their + boat, placing them near the bridge, and ordered three of his most active + servants to file the bars of the cell, seize the lady, and conduct her to + the wall of the gardens where he would await her. + </p> + <p> + These preparations being made, and good files bought, he obtained an + interview in the morning with the queen-mother, whose apartments were + situated above the stronghold in which lay the said advocate and his wife, + believing that the queen would willingly lend herself to this flight. + Presently he was received by her, and begged her not to think it wrong + that, at the instigation of the cardinal and of the Duke of Guise, he + should deliver this lady; and besides this, urged her very strongly to + tell the cardinal to throw the man into the water. To which the queen said + “Amen.” Then the lover sent quickly to his lady a letter in a plate of + cucumbers, to advise her of her approaching widowhood, and the hour of + flight, with all of which was the fair citizen well content. Then at dusk + the soldiers of the watch being got out of the way by the queen, who sent + them to look at a ray of the moon, which frightened her, behold the + servants raised the grating, and caught the lady, who came quickly enough, + and was led through the house to Monseigneur Sardini. + </p> + <p> + But the postern closed, and the Italian outside with the lady, behold the + lady throw aside her mantle, see the lady change into an advocate, and see + my said advocate seize his cuckolder by the collar, and half strangle him, + dragging him towards the water to throw him to the bottom of the Loire; + and Sardini began to defend himself, to shout, and to struggle, without + being able, in spite of his dagger, to shake off this devil in long robes. + Then he was quiet, falling into a slough under the feet of the advocate, + whom he recognised through the mists of this diabolical combat, and by the + light of the moon, his face splashed with the blood of his wife. The + enraged advocate quitted the Italian, believing him to be dead, and also + because servants armed with torches, came running up. But he had to jump + into the boat and push off in great haste. + </p> + <p> + Thus poor Madame Avenelles died alone, since Monseigneur Sardini, badly + strangled, was found, and revived from this murder; and later, as everyone + knows, married the fair Limeuil after this sweet girl had been brought to + bed in the queen’s cabinet—a great scandal, which from friendship + the queen-mother wished to conceal, and which from great love Sardini, to + whom Catherine gave the splendid estate of Chaumont-sur-Loire, and also + the castle, covered with marriage. + </p> + <p> + But he had been so brutally used by the husband, that he did not make old + bones, and the fair Limeuil was left a widow in her springtime. In spite + of his misdeeds the advocate was not searched after. He was cunning enough + eventually to get included in the number of those conspirators who were + not prosecuted, and returned to the Huguenots, for whom he worked hard in + Germany. + </p> + <p> + Poor Madame Avenelles, pray for her soul! for she was hurled no one knew + where, and had neither the prayers of the Church nor Christian burial. + Alas! shed a tear for her, ye ladies lucky in your loves. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0028" id="link2H_4_0028"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + +<div class="fig" style="width:35%;"> + <img src="images/314s.jpg" alt="314s " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/314.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a + href="images/314m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a> + </h4> + <h2> + THE SERMON OF THE MERRY VICAR OF MEUDON + </h2> + <p> + When, for the last time, came Master Francis Rabelais, to the court of + King Henry the Second of the name, it was in that winter when the will of + nature compelled him to quit for ever his fleshly garb, and live forever + in his writings resplendent with that good philosophy to which we shall + always be obliged to return. The good man had, at that time, counted as + nearly as possible seventy flights of the swallow. His Homeric head was + but scantily ornamented with hair, but his beard was still perfect in its + flowing majesty; there was still an air of spring-time in his quiet smile, + and wisdom on his ample brow. He was a fine old man according to the + statement of those who had the happiness to gaze upon his face, to which + Socrates and Aristophanes, formerly enemies, but then become friends, + contributed their features. Hearing his last hours tinkling in his ears he + determined to go and pay his respects to the king of France, because he + was having just at that time arrived in his castle of Tournelles, the good + man’s house being situated in the gardens of St Paul, was not a stone’s + throw distant from the court. He soon found himself in the presence of + Queen Catherine, Madame Diana, whom she received from motives of policy, + the king, the constable, the cardinals of Lorraine and Bellay, Messieurs + de Guise, the Sieur de Birague, and other Italians, who at that time stood + well at court in consequence of the king’s protection; the admiral, + Montgomery, the officers of the household, and certain poets, such as + Melin de St. Gelays, Philibert de l’Orme, and the Sieur Brantome. + </p> + <p> + Perceiving the good man, the king, who knew his wit, said to him, with a + smile, after a short conversation— + </p> + <p> + “Hast thou ever delivered a sermon to thy parishioners of Meudon?” + </p> + <p> + Master Rabelais, thinking that the king was joking, since he had never + troubled himself further about his post than to collect the revenues + accruing from it, replied— + </p> + <p> + “Sire, my listeners are in every place, and my sermon heard throughout + Christendom.” + </p> + <p> + Then glancing at all the courtiers, who, with the exception of Messieurs + du Bellay and Chatillon, considered him to be nothing but a learned + merry-andrew, while he was really the king of all wits, and a far better + king than he whose crown only the courtiers venerate, there came into the + good man’s head the malicious idea to philosophically pump over their + heads, just as it pleased Gargantua to give the Parisians a bath from the + turrets of Notre Dame, so he added— + </p> + <p> + “If you are in a good humour, sire, I can regale you with a capital little + sermon, always appropriate, and which I have kept under the tympanum of my + left ear in order to deliver it in a fit place, by way of an aulic + parable.” + </p> + <p> + “Gentlemen,” said the king, “Master Francis Rabelais has the floor of the + court, and our salvation is concerned in his speech. Be silent, I pray + you, and give heed; he is fruitful in evangelical drolleries.” + </p> + <p> + “Sire,” said the good vicar, “I commence.” + </p> + <p> + All the courtiers became silent, and arranged themselves into a circle, + pliant as osiers before the father of Pantagruel who unfolded to them the + following tale, in words the illustrious eloquence of which it is + impossible to equal. But since this tale has only been verbally handed + down to us, the author will be pardoned if he write after his own fashion. + </p> + <p> + “In his old age Gargantua took to strange habits, which greatly astonished + his household, but the which he was forgiven since he was seven hundred + and four years old, in spite of the statement of St. Clement of Alexandra + in his Stromates, which makes out that at this time he was a quarter of a + day less, which matters little to us. Now this paternal master, seeing + that everything was going wrong in his house, and that every one was + fleecing him, conceived a great fear that he would in his last moments be + stripped of everything, and resolved to invent a more perfect system of + management in his domains, and he did well. In a cellar of Gargantuan + abode he hid away a fine heap of red wheat, beside twenty jars of mustard + and several delicacies, such as plums and Tourainian rolls, articles of a + dessert, Olivet cheese, goat cheese, and others, well known between + Langeais and Loches, pots of butter, hare pasties, preserved ducks, pigs’ + trotters in bran, boatloads and pots full of crushed peas, pretty little + pots of Orleans quince preserve, hogsheads of lampreys, measures of green + sauce, river game, such as francolins, teal, sheldrake, heron, and + flamingo, all preserved in sea-salt, dried raisins, tongues smoked in the + manner invented by Happe-Mousche, his celebrated ancestor, and sweetstuff + for Garga-melle on feast days; and a thousand other things which are + detailed in the records of the Ripuary laws and in certain folios of the + Capitularies, Pragmatics, royal establishments, ordinances and + institutions of the period. To be brief, the good man, putting his + spectacles on his nose or his nose in his spectacles, looked about for a + fine flying dragon or unicorn to whom the guard of this precious treasure + could be committed. With this thought in his head he strolled about the + gardens. He did not desire a Coquecigrue, because the Egyptians were + afraid of them, as it appeared in the Hieroglyphics. He dismissed the idea + of engaging the legions of Caucquemarres, because emperors disliked them + and also the Romans according to that sulky fellow Tacitus. He rejected + the Pechrocholiers in council assembled, the Magi, the Druids, the legion + or Papimania, and the Massorets, who grew like quelch-grass and over-ran + all the land, as he had been told by his son, Pantagruel, on his return + from his journey. The good man calling to mind old stories, had no + confidence in any race, and if it had been permissible would have implored + the Creator for a new one, but not daring to trouble Him about such + trifles, did not know whom to choose, and was thinking that his wealth + would be a great trouble to him, when he met in his path a pretty little + shrew-mouse of the noble race of shrew-mice, who bear all gules on an + azure ground. By the gods! be sure that it was a splendid animal, with the + finest tail of the whole family, and was strutting about in the sun like a + brave shrew-mouse. It was proud of having been in this world since the + Deluge, according to letters-patent of indisputable nobility, registered + by the parliament of the universe, since it appears from the Ecumenical + Inquiry a shrew-mouse was in Noah’s Ark.” Here Master Alcofribas raised + his cap slightly, and said, reverently, “It was Noah, my lords, who + planted the vine, and first had the honour of getting drunk upon the juice + of its fruit.” + </p> + <p> + “For it is certain,” he continued, “that a shrew-mouse was in the vessel + from which we all came; but the men have made bad marriages; not so the + mice, because they are more jealous of their coat of arms than any other + animals, and would not receive a field-mouse among them, even though he + had the especial gift of being able to convert grains of sand to fine + fresh hazelnuts. This fine gentlemanly character so pleased the good + Gargantua, that he decided to give the post of watching his granaries to + the shrew-mouse, with the most ample of powers—of justice, + comittimus, missi dominici, clergy, men-at-arms, and all. The shrew-mouse + promised faithfully to accomplish his task, and to do his duty as a loyal + beast, on condition that he lived on a heap of grain, which Gargantua + thought perfectly fair. The shrew-mouse began to caper about in his domain + as happy as a prince who is happy, reconnoitering his immense empire of + mustard, countries of sugar, provinces of ham, duchies of raisins, + counties of chitterlings, and baronies of all sorts, scrambling on to the + heap of grain and frisking his tail against everything. To be brief, + everywhere was the shrew-mouse received with honour by the pots, which + kept a respectful silence, except two golden tankards, which knocked + against each other like the bells of a church ringing a tocsin, at which + he was much pleased, and thanked them, right and left, by a nod of the + head, while promenading in the rays of the sun, which were illuminating + his domain. Therein so splendidly did the brown colour of his hair shine + forth, that one would have thought him a northern king in his sable furs. + After his twists, turns, jumps and capers, he munched two grains of corn, + sat upon the heap like a king in full court, and fancied himself the most + illustrious of shrew-mice. At this moment they came from their accustomed + holes the gentlemen of the night-prowling court, who scamper with their + little feet across the floors; these gentlemen being the rats, mice, and + other gnawing, thieving, and crafty animals, of whom the citizens and + housewives complain. When they saw the shrew-mouse they took fright, and + all remained shyly at the threshold of their dens. Among these common + people, in spite of the danger, one old infidel of the trotting, nibbling + race of mice, advanced a little, and putting his nose in the air, had the + courage to stare my lord shrew-mouse full in the face, although the latter + was proudly squatted upon his rump, with his tail in the air; and he came + to the conclusion that he was a devil, from whom nothing but scratches + were to be gained. And from these facts, Gargantua, in order that the high + authority of his lieutenant might be universally known by all of the + shrew-mice, cats, weasels, martins, field-mice, mice, rats, and other bad + characters of the same kidney, had lightly dipped his muzzle, pointed as a + larding pin, in oil of musk, which all shrew-mice have since inherited, + because this one, is spite of the sage advice of Gargantua, rubbed himself + against others of his breed. From this sprang the troubles in the + Muzaraignia of which I will give you a good account in an historical book + when I get an opportunity. + </p> + <p> + “Then an old mouse, or rat—the rabbis of Talmud have not yet agreed + concerning the species—perceiving by this perfume that this + shrew-mouse was appointed to guard the grain of Gargantua, and had been + sprinkled with virtues, invested with full powers, and armed at all + points, was alarmed lest he should no longer be able to live, according to + the custom of mice, upon the meats, morsels, crusts, crumbs, leavings, + bits, atoms, and fragments of this Canaan of rats. In this dilemma the + good mouse, artful as an old courtier who had lived under two regencies + and three kings, resolved to try the mettle of the shrew-mouse, and devote + himself to the salvation of the jaws of his race. This would have been a + laudable thing in a man, but it was far more so in a mouse, belonging to a + tribe who live for themselves alone, barefacedly and shamelessly, and in + order to gratify themselves would defile a consecrated wafer, gnaw a + priest’s stole without shame, and would drink out of a Communion cup, + caring nothing for God. The mouse advanced with many a bow and scrape, and + the shrew-mouse let him advance rather near—for, to tell the truth, + these animals are naturally short-sighted. Then this Curtius of nibblers + made his little speech, not the jargon of common mice, but in the polite + language of shrew-mice:—‘My lord, I have heard with much concern of + your glorious family, of which I am one of the most devoted slaves. I know + the legend of your ancestors, who were thought much of by the ancient + Egyptians, who held them in great veneration, and adored them like other + sacred birds. Nevertheless, your fur robe is so royally perfumed, and its + colour is so splendiferously tanned, that I am doubtful if I recognise you + as belonging to this race, since I have never seen any of them so + gloriously attired. However you have swallowed the grain after the antique + fashion. Your proboscis is a proboscis of sapience; you have kicked like a + learned shrew-mouse; but if you are a true shrew-mouse, you should have in + I know not what part of your ear—I know not what special auditorial + channel, which I know not, what wonderful door, closes I know not how, and + I know not with what movements, by your secret commands to give you, I + know not why, licence not to listen to I know not what things, which would + be displeasing to you, on account of the special and peculiar perfection + of your faculty of hearing everything, which would often pain you.” + </p> + <p> + “‘True,’ said the shrew-mouse, ‘the door has just fallen. I hear nothing!’ + </p> + <p> + “‘Ah, I see,’ said the old rogue. + </p> + <p> + “And he made for the pile of corn, from which he commenced to take his + store for the winter. + </p> + <p> + “‘Did you hear anything?’ asked he. + </p> + <p> + “‘I hear the pit-a-pat of my heart.’ + </p> + <p> + “‘Kouick!’ cried all the mice; ‘we shall be able to hoodwink him.’ + </p> + <p> + “The shrew-mouse, fancying that he had met with a faithful vassal, opened + the trap of his musical orifice, and heard the noise of the grain going + towards the hole. Then, without having recourse to forfeiture, the justice + of commissaries, he sprang upon the old mouse and squeezed him to death. + Glorious death! for the hero died in the thick of the grain, and was + canonised as a martyr. The shrew-mouse took him by the ears and placed him + on the door the granary, after the fashion of the Ottoman Porte, where my + good Panurge was within an ace of being spitted. At the cries of the dying + wretch the rats, mice, and others made for their holes in great haste. + When the night had fallen they came to the cellar, convoked for the + purpose of holding a council to consider public affairs; to which meeting, + in virtue of the Papyrian and other laws, their lawful wives were + admitted. The rats wished to pass before the mice, and serious quarrels + about precedence nearly spoiled everything; but a big rat gave his arm to + a mouse, and the gaffer rats and gammer mice being paired off in the same + way, all were soon seated on their rumps, tails in air, muzzles stretched, + whiskers stiff, and their eyes brilliant as those of a falcon. Then + commenced a deliberation, which finished up with insults and a confusion + worthy of an ecumenical council of holy fathers. One said this and another + said that, and a cat passing by took fright and ran away, hearing these + strange noises: ‘Bou, bou, grou, ou, ou, houic, houic, briff, briffnac, + nac, nac, fouix, fouix, trr, trr, trr, trr, za, za, zaaa, brr, brr, raaa, + ra, ra, ra, fouix!’ so well blended together in a babel of sound, that a + council at the Hotel de Ville could not have made a greater hubbub. During + this tempest a little mouse, who was not old enough to enter parliament, + thrust through a chink her inquiring snout, the hair on which was as downy + as that of all mice, too downy to be caught. As the tumult increased, by + degrees her body followed her nose, until she came to the hoop of a cask, + against which she so dextrously squatted that she might have been mistaken + for a work of art carved in antique bas-relief. Lifting his eyes to heaven + to implore a remedy for the misfortunes of the state, an old rat perceived + this pretty mouse, so gentle and shapely, and declared that the State + might be saved by her. All the muzzles turned to this Lady of Good Help, + became silent, and agreed to let her loose upon the shrew-mouse, and in + spite of the anger of certain envious mice, she was triumphantly marched + around the cellar, where, seeing her walk mincingly, mechanically move her + tail, shake her cunning little head, twitch her diaphanous ears, and lick + with her little red tongue the hairs just sprouting on her cheeks, the old + rats fell in love with her and wagged their wrinkled, white-whiskered jaws + with delight at the sight of her, as did formerly the old men of Troy, + admiring the lovely Helen, returning from her bath. Then the maiden was + conducted to the granary, with instructions to make a conquest of the + shrew-mouse’s heart, and save the fine red grain, as did formerly the fair + Hebrew, Esther, for the chosen people, with the Emperor Ahasuerus, as is + written in the master-book, for Bible comes from the Greek word biblos, as + if to say the only book. The mouse promised to deliver the granaries, for + by a lucky chance she was the queen of mice, a fair, plump, pretty little + mouse, the most delicate little lady that ever scampered merrily across + the floors, scratched between the walls, and gave utterance to little + cries of joy at finding nuts, meal, and crumbs of bread in her path; a + true fay, pretty and playful, with an eye clear as crystal, a little head, + sleek skin, amorous body, rosy feet, and velvet tail—a high born + mouse and a polished speaker with a natural love of bed and idleness—a + merry mouse, more cunning than an old Doctor of Sorbonne fed on parchment, + lively, white bellied, streaked on the back, with sweet moulded breasts, + pearl-white teeth, and of a frank open nature—in fact, a true king’s + morsel.” + </p> + <p> + This portraiture was so bold—the mouse appearing to have been the + living image of Madame Diana, then present—that the courtiers stood + aghast. Queen Catherine smiled, but the king was in no laughing humour. + But Rabelais went on without paying any attention to the winks of the + Cardinal Bellay and de Chatillon, who were terrified for the good man. + </p> + <p> + “The pretty mouse,” said he, continuing, “did not beat long about the + bush, and from the first moment that she trotted before the shrew-mouse, + she had enslaved him for ever by her coquetries, affectations, friskings, + provocations, little refusals, piercing glances, and wiles of a maiden who + desires yet dares not, amorous oglings, little caresses, preparatory + tricks, pride of a mouse who knows her value, laughings and squeakings, + triflings and other endearments, feminine, treacherous and captivating + ways, all traps which are abundantly used by the females of all nations. + When, after many wrigglings, smacks in the face, nose lickings, + gallantries of amorous shrew-mice, frowns, sighs, serenades, titbits, + suppers and dinners on the pile of corn, and other attentions, the + superintendent overcame the scruples of his beautiful mistress, he became + the slave of this incestuous and illicit love, and the mouse, leading her + lord by the snout, became queen of everything, nibbled his cheese, ate the + sweets, and foraged everywhere. This the shrew-mouse permitted to the + empress of his heart, although he was ill at ease, having broken his oath + made to Gargantua, and betrayed the confidence placed in him. Pursuing her + advantage with the pertinacity of a woman, one night they were joking + together, the mouse remembered the dear old fellow her father, and + desiring that he should make his meals off the grain, she threatened to + leave her lover cold and lonely in his domain if he did not allow her to + indulge her filial piety. In the twinkling of a mouse’s eye he had granted + letters patent, sealed with a green seal, with tags of crimson silk, to + his wench’s father, so that the Gargantuan palace was open to him at all + hours, and he was at liberty see his good, virtuous daughter, kiss her on + the forehead, and eat his fill, but always in a corner. Then there arrived + a venerable old rat, weighing about twenty-five ounces, with a white tail, + marching like the president of a Court of Justice, wagging his head, and + followed by fifteen or twenty nephews, all with teeth as sharp as saws, + who demonstrated to the shrew-mouse by little speeches and questions of + all kinds that they, his relations, would soon be loyally attached to him, + and would help him to count the things committed to his charge, arrange + and ticket them, in order that when Gargantua came to visit them he would + find everything in perfect order. There was an air of truth about these + promises. The poor shrew-mouse was, however, in spite of this speech, + troubled by ideas from on high, and serious pricking of shrew-mousian + conscience. Seeing that he turned up his nose at everything, went about + slowly and with a careworn face, one morning the mouse who was pregnant by + him, conceived the idea of calming his doubts and easing his mind by a + Sorbonnical consultation, and sent for the doctors of his tribe. During + the day she introduced to him one, Sieur Evegault, who had just stepped + out of a cheese where he lived in perfect abstinence, an old confessor of + high degree, a merry fellow of good appearance, with a fine black skin, + firm as a rock, and slightly tonsured on the head by the pat of a cat’s + claw. He was a grave rat, with a monastical paunch, having much studied + scientific authorities by nibbling at their works in parchments, papers, + books and volumes of which certain fragments had remained upon his grey + beard. In honour of and great reverence for his great virtue and wisdom, + and his modest life, he was accompanied by a black troop of black rats, + all bringing with them pretty little mice, their sweethearts, for not + having adopted the canons of the council of Chesil, it was lawful for them + to have respectable women for concubines. These beneficed rats, being + arranged in two lines, you might have fancied them a procession of the + university authorities going to Lendit. And they all began to sniff the + victuals. + </p> + <p> + “When the ceremony of placing them all was complete, the old cardinal of + the rats lifted up his voice, and in a good rat-latin oration pointed out + to the guardian of the grain that no one but God was superior to him; and + that to God alone he owed obedience, and he entertained him with many fine + phrases, stuffed with evangelical quotations, to disturb the principal and + fog his flock; in fact, fine argument interlarded with much sound sense. + The discourse finished with a peroration full of high sounding words in + honour of shrew-mice, among whom his hearer was the most illustrious and + best beneath the sun; and this oration considerably bewildered the keeper + of the granary. + </p> + <p> + “This good gentleman’s head was thoroughly turned, and he installed this + fine speaking rat and his tribe in his manor, where night and day his + praises and little songs in his honour were sung, not forgetting his lady, + whose little paw was kissed and little tail was sniffed at by all. + Finally, the mistress, knowing that certain young rats were still fasting, + determined to finish her work. Then she kissed her lord tenderly, loading + him with love, and performing those little endearing antics of which one + alone was sufficient to send a beast to perdition; and said to the + shrew-mouse that he wasted the precious time due to their love by + travelling about, that he was always going here or there, and that she + never had her proper share of him; that when she wanted his society, he + was on the leads chasing the cats, and that she wished him always to be + ready to her hand like a lance, and kind as a bird. Then in her great + grief she tore out a grey hair, declaring herself, weepingly, to be the + most wretched little mouse in the world. The shrew-mouse pointed out to + her that she was the mistress of everything, and wished to resist, but + after the lady had shed a torrent of tears he implored a truce and + considered her request. Then instantly drying her tears, and giving him + her paw to kiss, she advised him to arm some soldiers, trusty and tried + rats, old warriors, who would go the rounds to keep watch. Everything was + thus wisely arranged. The shrew-mouse had the rest of the day to dance, + play, and amuse himself, listen to the roundelays and ballads which the + poets composed in his honour, play the lute and the mandore, make + acrostics, eat, drink and be merry. One day his mistress having just risen + from her confinement, after having given birth to the sweetest little + mouse-sorex or sorex-mouse, I know not what name was given to this mongrel + food of love, whom you may be sure, the gentlemen in the long robe would + manage to legitimise” (the constable of Montmorency, who had married his + son to a legitimised bastard of the king’s, here put his hand to his sword + and clutched the handle fiercely), “a grand feast was given in the + granaries, to which no court festival or gala could be compared, not even + that of the Field of the Cloth of Gold. In every corner mice were making + merry. Everywhere there were dances, concerts, banquets, sarabands, music, + joyous songs, and epithalamia. The rats had broken open the pots, and + uncovered the jars, lapped the gallipots, and unpacked the stores. The + mustard was strewn over the place, the hams were mangled and the corn + scattered. Everything was rolling, tumbling, and falling about the floor, + and the little rats dabbled in puddles of green sauce, the mice navigated + oceans of sweetmeats, and the old folks carried off the pasties. There + were mice astride salt tongues. Field-mice were swimming in the pots, and + the most cunning of them were carrying the corn into their private holes, + profiting by the confusion to make ample provision for themselves. No one + passed the quince confection of Orleans without saluting it with one + nibble, and oftener with two. It was like a Roman carnival. In short, + anyone with a sharp ear might have heard the frizzling frying-pans, the + cries and clamours of the kitchens, the crackling of their furnaces, the + noise of the turnspits, the creaking of baskets, the haste of the + confectioners, the click of the meat-jacks, and the noise of the little + feet scampering thick as hail over the floor. It was a bustling + wedding-feast, where people come and go, footmen, stablemen, cooks, + musicians, buffoons, where everyone pays compliments and makes a noise. In + short, so great was the delight that they kept up a general wagging of the + head to celebrate this eventful night. But suddenly there was heard the + horrible foot-fall of Gargantua, who was ascending the stairs of his house + to visit the granaries, and made the planks, the beams, and everything + else tremble. Certain old rats asked each other what might mean this + seignorial footstep, with which they were unacquainted, and some of them + decamped, and they did well, for the lord and master entered suddenly. + Perceiving the confusion these gentleman had made, seeing his preserves + eaten, his mustard unpacked, and everything dirtied and scratched about, + he put his feet upon these lively vermin without giving them time to + squeak, and thus spoiled their best clothes, satins, pearls, velvets, and + rubbish, and upset the feast.” + </p> + <p> + “And what became of the shrew-mouse?” said the king, waking from his + reverie. + </p> + <p> + “Ah, sire!” replied Rabelais, “herein we see the injustice of the + Gargantuan tribe. He was put to death, but being a gentleman he was + beheaded. That was ill done, for he had been betrayed.” + </p> + <p> + “You go rather far, my good man,” said the king. + </p> + <p> + “No sire,” replied Rabelais, “but rather high. Have you not sunk the crown + beneath the pulpit? You asked me for a sermon; I have given you one which + is gospel.” + </p> + <p> + “My fine vicar,” said Madame Diana, in his ear, “suppose I were spiteful?” + </p> + <p> + “Madame,” said Rabelais, “was it not well then of me to warn the king, + your master, against the queen’s Italians, who are as plentiful here as + cockchafers?” + </p> + <p> + “Poor preacher,” said Cardinal Odet, in his ear, “go to another country.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! monsieur,” replied the old fellow, “ere long I shall be in another + land.” + </p> + <p> + “God’s truth! Mr. Scribbler,” said the constable (whose son, as everyone + knows, had treacherously deserted Mademoiselle de Piennes, to whom he was + betrothed, to espouse Diana of France, daughter of the mistress of certain + high personages and of the king), “who made thee so bold as to slander + persons of quality? Ah, wretched poet, you like to raise yourself high; + well then, I promise to put you in a good high place.” + </p> + <p> + “We shall all go there, my lord constable,” replied the old man: “but if + you are friendly to the state and to the king you will thank me for having + warned him against the hordes of Lorraine, who are evils that will devour + everything.” + </p> + <p> + “My good man,” whispered Cardinal Charles of Lorraine, “if you need a few + gold crowns to publish your fifth book of Pantagruel you can come to me + for them, because you have put the case clearly to the enemy, who has + bewitched the king, and also to her pack.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, gentlemen,” said the king, “what do you think of the sermon?” + </p> + <p> + “Sire,” said Mellin de Saint-Gelais, seeing that all were well pleased, “I + had never heard a better Pantagruelian prognostication. Much do we owe to + him who made these leonine verses in the Abbey of Theleme:— + </p> + <p> + ‘“Cy vous entrez, qui le saint Evangile En sens agile annoncez, quoy qu’on + gronde, Ceans aurez une refuge et bastile, Contre l’hostile erreur qui + tant postille Par son faux style empoisonner le monde.’” + </p> + <p> + [’”Should ye who enter here profess in jubilation Our gospel of elation, + then suffer dolts to curse! Here refuge shall ye find, and sure + circumvallation Against the protestation of those whose delectation Brings + false abomination to blight the universe.’”] + </p> + <p> + All the courtiers having applauded their companion, each one complimented + Rabelais, who took his departure accompanied with great honour by the + king’s pages, who, by express command held torches before him. + </p> + <p> + Some persons have charged Francis Rabelais, the imperial honour of our + land, with spiteful tricks and apish pranks, unworthy of his Homeric + philosophy, of this prince of wisdom of this fatherly centre, from which + have issued since the rising of his subterranean light a good number of + marvellous works. Out upon those who would defile this divine head! All + their life long may they find grit between their teeth, those who have + ignored his good and moderate nourishment. + </p> + <p> + Dear drinker of pure water, faithful servant or monachal abstinence, + wisest of wise men, how would thy sides ache with laughter, how wouldst + thou chuckle, if thou couldst come again for a little while to Chinon, and + read the idiotic mouthings, and the maniacal babble of the fools who have + interpreted, commentated, torn, disgraced, misunderstood, betrayed, + defiled, adulterated and meddled with thy peerless book. As many dogs as + Panurge found busy with his lady’s robe at church, so many two-legged + academic puppies have busied themselves with befouling the high marble + pyramid in which is cemented for ever the seed of all fantastic and comic + inventions, besides magnificent instruction in all things. Although rare + are the pilgrims who have the breath to follow thy bark in its sublime + peregrination through the ocean of ideas, methods, varieties, religions, + wisdom, and human trickeries, at least their worship is unalloyed, pure, + and unadulterated, and thine omnipotence, omniscience, and omni-language + are by them bravely recognised. Therefore has a poor son of our merry + Touraine here been anxious, however unworthily, to do thee homage by + magnifying thine image, and glorifying the works of eternal memory, so + cherished by those who love the concentrative works wherein the universal + moral is contained, wherein are found, pressed like sardines in their + boxes, philosophical ideas on every subject, science, art and eloquence, + as well as theatrical mummeries. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0029" id="link2H_4_0029"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + THE SUCCUBUS + </h2> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Prologue + </h2> + <p> + A number of persons of the noble country of Touraine, considerably edified + by the warm search which the author is making into the antiquities, + adventures, good jokes, and pretty tales of that blessed land, and + believing for certain that he should know everything, have asked him + (after drinking with him of course understood), if he had discovered the + etymological reason, concerning which all the ladies of the town are so + curious, and from which a certain street in Tours is called the Rue + Chaude. By him it was replied, that he was much astonished to see that the + ancient inhabitants had forgotten the great number of convents situated in + this street, where the severe continence of the monks and nuns might have + caused the walls to be made so hot that some woman of position should + increase in size from walking too slowly along them to vespers. A + troublesome fellow, wishing to appear learned, declared that formerly all + the scandalmongers of the neighbourhood were wont to meet in this place. + Another entangled himself in the minute suffrages of science, and poured + forth golden words without being understood, qualifying words, harmonising + the melodies of the ancient and modern, congregating customs, distilling + verbs, alchemising all languages since the Deluge, of the Hebrew, + Chaldeans, Egyptians, Greeks, Latins, and of Turnus, the ancient founder + of Tours; and the good man finished by declaring that chaude or chaulde + with the exception of the H and the L, came from Cauda, and that there was + a tail in the affair, but the ladies only understood the end of it. An old + man observed that in this same place was formerly a source of thermal + water, of which his great great grandfather had drunk. In short, in less + time than it takes a fly to embrace its sweetheart, there had been a + pocketful of etymologies, in which the truth of the matter had been less + easily found than a louse in the filthy beard of a Capuchin friar. But a + man well learned and well informed, through having left his footprint in + many monasteries, consumed much midnight oil, and manured his brain with + many a volume —himself more encumbered with pieces, dyptic + fragments, boxes, charters, and registers concerning the history of + Touraine than is a gleaner with stalks of straw in the month of August—this + man, old, infirm, and gouty, who had been drinking in his corner without + saying a word, smiled the smile of a wise man and knitted his brows, the + said smile finally resolving itself into a pish! well articulated, which + the Author heard and understood it to be big with an adventure + historically good, the delights of which he would be able to unfold in + this sweet collection. + </p> + <p> + To be brief, on the morrow this gouty old fellow said to him, “By your + poem, which is called ‘The Venial Sin,’ you have forever gained my esteem, + because everything therein is true from head to foot—which I believe + to be a precious superabundance in such matters. But doubtless you do not + know what became of the Moor placed in religion by the said knight, Bruyn + de la Roche-Corbon. I know very well. Now if this etymology of the street + harass you, and also the Egyptian nun, I will lend you a curious and + antique parchment, found by me in the Olim of the episcopal palace, of + which the libraries were a little knocked about at a period when none of + us knew if he would have the pleasure of his head’s society on the morrow. + Now will not this yield you a perfect contentment?” + </p> + <p> + “Good!” said the author. + </p> + <p> + Then this worthy collector of truths gave certain rare and dusty + parchments to the author, the which he has, not without great labour, + translated into French, and which were fragments of a most ancient + ecclesiastical process. He has believed that nothing would be more amusing + than the actual resurrection of this antique affair, wherein shines forth + the illiterate simplicity of the good old times. Now, then, give ear. This + is the order in which were the manuscripts, of which the author has made + use in his own fashion, because the language was devilishly difficult. + </p> + <p> + I WHAT THE SUCCUBUS WAS. + </p> + <p> + <i>In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.</i> + </p> + <p> + In the year of our Lord, one thousand two hundred and seventy-one, before + me, Hierome Cornille, grand inquisitor and ecclesiastical judge (thereto + commissioned by the members of the chapter of Saint Maurice, the cathedral + of Tours, having of this deliberated in the presence of our Lord Jean de + Montsoreau, archbishop—namely, the grievances and complaints of the + inhabitants of the said town, whose request is here subjoined), have + appeared certain noblemen, citizens, and inhabitants of the diocese, who + have stated the following facts concerning a demon suspected of having + taken the features of a woman, who has much afflicted the minds of the + diocese, and is at present a prisoner in the jail of the chapter; and in + order to arrive at the truth of the said charge we have opened the present + court, this Monday, the eleventh day of December, after mass, to + communicate the evidence of each witness to the said demon, to interrogate + her upon the said crimes to her imputed, and to judge her according to the + laws enforced <i>contra demonios</i>. + </p> + <p> + In this inquiry has assisted me to write the evidence therein given, + Guillaume Tournebouche, rubrican of the chapter, a learned man. + </p> + <p> + Firstly has come before us one Jehan, surnamed Tortebras, a citizen of + Tours, keeping by licence the hostelry of La Cigoyne, situated on the + Place du Pont, and who has sworn by the salvation of his soul, his hand + upon the holy Evangelists, to state no other thing than that which by + himself hath been seen and heard. + </p> + <p> + He hath stated as here followeth:— + </p> + <p> + “I declare that about two years before the feast of St. Jehan, upon which + are the grand illuminations, a gentleman, at first unknown to me, but + belonging without doubt to our lord the King, and at that time returned to + our country from the Holy Land, came to me with the proposition that I + should let to him at rental a certain country-house by me built, in the + quit rent of the chapter over against the place called of St. Etienne, and + the which I let to him for nine years, for the consideration of three + besans of fine gold. In the said house was placed by the said knight a + fair wench having the appearance of a woman, dressed in the strange + fashion of the Saracens Mohammedans, whom he would allow by none to be + seen or to be approached within a bow-shot, but whom I have seen with mine + own eyes, weird feathers upon her head, and eyes so flaming that I cannot + adequately describe them, and from which gleamed forth a fire of hell. The + defunct knight having threatened with death whoever should appear to spy + about the said house, I have by reason of great fear left the said house, + and I have until this day secretly kept to my mind certain presumptions + and doubts concerning the bad appearance of the said foreigner, who was + more strange than any woman, her equal not having as yet by me been seen. + </p> + <p> + “Many persons of all conditions having at the time believed the said + knight to be dead, but kept upon his feet by virtue of the said charms, + philters, spells, and diabolical sorceries of this seeming woman, who + wished to settle in our country, I declare that I have always seen the + said knight so ghastly pale that I can only compare his face to the wax of + a Paschal candle, and to the knowledge of all the people of the hostelry + of La Cigoyne, this knight was interred nine days after his first coming. + According to the statement of his groom, the defunct had been chalorously + coupled with the said Moorish woman during seven whole days shut up in my + house, without coming out from her, the which I heard him horribly avow + upon his deathbed. Certain persons at the present time have accused this + she-devil of holding the said gentleman in her clutches by her long hair, + the which was furnished with certain warm properties by means of which are + communicated to Christians the flames of hell in the form of love, which + work in them until their souls are by this means drawn from their bodies + and possessed by Satan. But I declare that I have seen nothing of this + excepting the said dead knight, bowelless, emaciated, wishing, in spite of + his confessor, still to go to this wench; and then he has been recognised + as the lord de Bueil, who was a crusader, and who was, according to + certain persons of the town, under the spell of a demon whom he had met in + the Asiatic country of Damascus or elsewhere. + </p> + <p> + “Afterwards I have let my house to the said unknown lady, according to the + clauses of the deed of lease. The said lord of Bueil, being defunct, I had + nevertheless been into my house in order to learn from the said foreign + woman if she wished to remain in my dwelling, and after great trouble was + led before her by a strange, half-naked black man, whose eyes were white. + </p> + <p> + “Then I have seen the said Moorish woman in a little room, shining with + gold and jewels, lighted with strange lights, upon an Asiatic carpet, + where she was seated, lightly attired, with another gentleman, who was + there imperiling his soul; and I had not the heart bold enough to look + upon her, seeing that her eyes would have incited me immediately to yield + myself up to her, for already her voice thrilled into my very belly, + filled my brain, and debauched my mind. Finding this, from the fear of + God, and also of hell, I have departed with swift feet, leaving my house + to her as long as she liked to retain it, so dangerous was it to behold + that Moorish complexion from which radiated diabolical heats, besides a + foot smaller than it was lawful in a real woman to possess; and to hear + her voice, which pierced into one’s heart! And from that day I have lacked + the courage to enter my house from great fear of falling into hell. I have + said my say.” + </p> + <p> + To the said Tortebras we have then shown an Abyssinian, Nubian or + Ethiopian, who, black from head to foot, had been found wanting in certain + virile properties with which all good Christians are usually furnished, + who, having persevered in his silence, after having been tormented and + tortured many times, not without much moaning, has persisted in being + unable to speak the language of our country. And the said Tortebras has + recognised the said Abyss heretic as having been in his house in company + with the said demoniacal spirit, and is suspected of having lent his aid + to her sorcery. + </p> + <p> + And the said Tortebras has confessed his great faith in the Catholic + religion, and declared no other things to be within his knowledge save + certain rumours which were known to every one, of which he had been in no + way a witness except in the hearing of them. + </p> + <p> + In obedience to the citations served upon him, has appeared then, Matthew, + surname Cognefestu, a day-labourer of St. Etienne, whom, after having + sworn by the holy Evangelists to speak the truth, has confessed to us + always to have seen a bright light in the dwelling of the said foreign + woman, and heard much wild and diabolical laughter on the days and nights + of feasts and fasts, notably during the days of the holy and Christmas + weeks, as if a great number of people were in the house. And he has sworn + to have seen by the windows of the said dwellings, green buds of all kinds + in the winter, growing as if by magic, especially roses in a time of + frost, and other things for which there was a need of a great heat; but of + this he was in no way astonished, seeing that the said foreigner threw out + so much heat that when she walked in the evening by the side of his wall + he found on the morrow his salad grown; and on certain occasions she had + by the touching of her petticoats, caused the trees to put forth leaves + and hasten the buds. Finally, the said, Cognefestu has declared to us to + know no more, because he worked from early morning, and went to bed at the + same hour as the fowls. + </p> + <p> + Afterwards the wife of the aforesaid Cognefestu has by us been required to + state also upon oath the things come to her cognisance in this process, + and has avowed naught save praises of the said foreigner, because since + her coming her man had treated her better in consequence of the + neighbourhood of this good lady, who filled the air with love, as the sun + did light, and other incongruous nonsense, which we have not committed to + writing. + </p> + <p> + To the said Cognefestu and to his wife we have shown the said unknown + African, who has been seen by them in the gardens of the house, and is + stated by them for certain to belong to the said demon. In the third + place, has advanced Harduin V., lord of Maille, who being by us + reverentially begged to enlighten the religion of the church, has + expressed his willingness so to do, and has, moreover, engaged his word, + as a gallant knight, to say no other thing than that which he has seen. + Then he has testified to have known in the army of the Crusades the demon + in question, and in the town of Damascus to have seen the knight of Bueil, + since defunct, fight at close quarters to be her sole possessor. The + above-mentioned wench, or demon, belonged at that time to the knight + Geoffroy IV., Lord of Roche-Pozay, by whom she was said to have been + brought from Touraine, although she was a Saracen; concerning which the + knights of France marvelled much, as well as at her beauty, which made a + great noise and a thousand scandalous ravages in the camp. During the + voyage this wench was the cause of many deaths, seeing that Roche-Pozay + had already discomfited certain Crusaders, who wished to keep her to + themselves, because she shed, according to certain knights petted by her + in secret, joys around her comparable to none others. But in the end the + knight of Bueil, having killed Geoffroy de la Roche-Pozay, became lord and + master of this young murderess, and placed her in a convent, or harem, + according to the Saracen custom. About this time one used to see her and + hear her chattering as entertainment many foreign dialects, such as the + Greek or the Latin empire, Moorish, and, above all, French better than any + of those who knew the language of France best in the Christian host, from + which sprang the belief that she was demoniacal. + </p> + <p> + The said knight Harduin has confessed to us not to have tilted for her in + the Holy Land, not from fear, coldness or other cause, so much as that he + believed the time had arrived for him to bear away a portion of the true + cross, and also he had belonging to him a noble lady of the Greek country, + who saved him from this danger in denuding him of love, morning and night, + seeing that she took all of it substantially from him, leaving him none in + his heart or elsewhere for others. + </p> + <p> + And the said knight has assured us that the woman living in the country + house of Tortebras, was really the said Saracen woman, come into the + country from Syria, because he had been invited to a midnight feast at her + house by the young Lord of Croixmare, who expired the seventh day + afterwards, according to the statement of the Dame de Croixmare, his + mother, ruined all points by the said wench, whose commerce with him had + consumed his vital spirit, and whose strange phantasies had squandered his + fortune. + </p> + <p> + Afterwards questioned in his quality of a man full of prudence, wisdom and + authority in this country, upon the ideas entertained concerning the said + woman, and summoned by us to open his conscience, seeing that it was a + question of a most abominable case of Christian faith and divine justice, + answer has been made by the said knight:— + </p> + <p> + That by certain of the host of Crusaders it has been stated to him that + always this she-devil was a maid to him who embraced her, and that Mammon + was for certain occupied in her, making for her a new virtue for each of + her lovers, and a thousand other foolish sayings of drunken men, which + were not of a nature to form a fifth gospel. But for a fact, he, an old + knight on that turn of life, and knowing nothing more of the aforesaid, + felt himself again a young man in that last supper with which he had been + regaled by the lord of Croixmare; then the voice of this demon went + straight to his heart before flowing into his ears, and had awakened so + great a love in his body that his life was ebbing from the place whence it + should flow, and that eventually, but for the assistance of Cyprus wine, + which he had drunk to blind his sight, and his getting under the table in + order no longer to gaze upon the fiery eyes of his diabolical hostess, and + not to rend his heart from her, without doubt he would have fought the + young Croixmare, in order to enjoy for a single moment this supernatural + woman. Since then he had had absolution from his confessor for the wicked + thought. Then, by advice from on high, he had carried back to his house + his portion of the true Cross, and had remained in his own manor, where, + in spite of his Christian precautions, the said voice still at certain + times tickled his brain, and in the morning often had he in remembrance + this demon, warm as brimstone; and because the look of this wench was so + warm that it made him burn like a young man, be half dead, and because it + cost him then many transshipments of the vital spirit, the said knight has + requested us not to confront him with the empress of love to whom, if it + were not the devil, God the Father had granted strange liberties with the + minds of men. Afterwards, he retired, after reading over his statement, + not without having first recognised the above-mentioned African to be the + servant and page of the lady. + </p> + <p> + In the fourth place, upon the faith pledged in us in the name of the + Chapter and of our Lord Archbishop, that he should not be tormented, + tortured, nor harassed in any manner, nor further cited after his + statement, in consequence of his commercial journeys, and upon the + assurance that he should retire in perfect freedom, has come before us a + Jew, Salomon al Rastchid, who, in spite of the infamy of his person and + his Judaism, has been heard by us to this one end, to know everything + concerning the conduct of the aforesaid demon. Thus he has not been + required to take any oath this Salomon, seeing that he is beyond the pale + of the Church, separated from us by the blood of our saviour (trucidatus + Salvatore inter nos). Interrogated by us as to why he appeared without the + green cap upon his head, and the yellow wheel in the apparent locality of + the heart in his garment, according to the ecclesiastical and royal + ordinances, the said de Rastchid has exhibited to us letters patent of the + seneschal of Touraine and Poitou. Then the said Jew has declared to us to + have done a large business for the lady dwelling in the house of the + innkeeper Tortebras, to have sold to her golden chandeliers, with many + branches, minutely engraved, plates of red silver, cups enriched with + stones, emeralds and rubies; to have brought for her from the Levant a + number of rare stuffs, Persian carpets, silks, and fine linen; in fact, + things so magnificent that no queen in Christendom could say she was so + well furnished with jewels and household goods; and that he had for his + part received from her three hundred thousand pounds for the rarity of the + purchases in which he had been employed, such as Indian flowers, + poppingjays, birds’ feathers, spices, Greek wines, and diamonds. Requested + by us, the judge, to say if he had furnished certain ingredients of + magical conjuration, the blood of new-born children, conjuring books, and + things generally and whatsoever made use of by sorcerers, giving him + licence to state his case without that thereupon he should be the subject + to any further inquest or inquiry, the said al Rastchid has sworn by his + Hebrew faith never to have had any such commerce; and has stated that he + was involved in too high interests to give himself to such miseries, + seeing that he was the agent of certain most powerful lords, such as the + Marquis de Montferrat, the King of England, the King of Cyprus and + Jerusalem, the Court of Provence, lords of Venice, and many German + gentleman; to have belonging to him merchant galleys of all kinds, going + into Egypt with the permission of the Sultan, and he trafficking in + precious articles of silver and of gold, which took him often into the + exchange of Tours. Moreover, he has declared that he considered the said + lady, the subject of inquiry, to be a right royal and natural woman, with + the sweetest limbs, and the smallest he has ever seen. That in consequence + of her renown for a diabolical spirit, pushed by a wild imagination, and + also because that he was smitten with her, he had heard once that she was + husbandless, proposed to her to be her gallant, to which proposition she + willingly acceded. Now, although from that night he felt his bones + disjointed and his bowels crushed, he had not yet experienced, as certain + persons say, that who once yielded was free no more; he went to his fate + as lead into the crucible of the alchemist. Then the said Salomon, to whom + we have granted his liberty according to the safe conduct, in spite of the + statement, which proves abundantly his commerce with the devil, because he + had been saved there where all Christians have succumbed, has admitted to + us an agreement concerning the said demon. To make known that he had made + an offer to the chapter of the cathedral to give for the said semblance of + a woman such a ransom, if she were condemned to be burned alive, that the + highest of the towers of the Church of St. Maurice, at present in course + of construction, could therewith be finished. + </p> + <p> + The which we have noted to be deliberated upon at an opportune time by the + assembled chapter. And the said Salomon has taken his departure without + being willing to indicate his residence, and has told us that he can be + informed of the deliberation of the chapter by a Jew of the synagogue of + Tours, a name Tobias Nathaneus. The said Jew has before his departure been + shown the African, and has recognised him as the page of the demon, and + has stated the Saracens to have the custom of mutilating their slaves + thus, to commit to them the task of guarding their women by an ancient + usage, as it appears in the profane histories of Narsez, general of + Constantinople, and others. + </p> + +<div class="fig" style="width:35%;"> + <img src="images/333s.jpg" alt="333s " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/333.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a + href="images/333m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + On the morrow after mass has appeared before us the most noble and + illustrious lady of Croixmare. The same has worn her faith in the holy + Evangelists, and has related to us with tears how she had placed her + eldest son beneath the earth, dead by reason of his extravagant amours + with this female demon. The which noble gentleman was three-and-twenty + years of age; of good complexion, very manly and well bearded like his + defunct sire. Notwithstanding his great vigour, in ninety days he had + little by little withered, ruined by his commerce with the succubus of the + Rue Chaude, according to the statement of the common people; and her + maternal authority over the son had been powerless. Finally in his latter + days he appeared like a poor dried up worm, such as housekeepers meet with + in a corner when they clean out the dwelling-rooms. And always, so long as + he had the strength to go, he went to shorten his life with this cursed + woman; where, also, he emptied his cash-box. When he was in his bed, and + knew his last hour had come, he swore at, cursed, and threatened and + heaped upon all—his sister, his brother, and upon her his mother—a + thousand insults, rebelled in the face of the chaplain; denied God, and + wished to die in damnation; at which were much afflicted the retainers of + the family, who, to save his soul and pluck it from hell, have founded two + annual masses in the cathedral. And in order to have him buried in + consecrated ground, the house of Croixmare has undertaken to give to the + chapter, during one hundred years, the wax candles for the chapels and the + church, upon the day of the Paschal feast. And, in conclusion, saving the + wicked words heard by the reverend person, Dom Loys Pot, a nun of + Marmoustiers, who came to assist in his last hours the said Baron de + Croixmaire affirms never to have heard any words offered by the defunct, + touching the demon who had undone him. + </p> + <p> + And therewith has retired the noble and illustrious lady in deep mourning. + </p> + <p> + In the sixth place has appeared before us, after adjournment, Jacquette, + called Vieux-Oing, a kitchen scullion, going to houses to wash dishes, + residing at present in the Fishmarket, who, after having placed her word + to say nothing she did not hold to be true, has declared as here follows:—Namely, + that one day she, being come into the kitchen of the said demon, of whom + she had no fear, because she was wont to regale herself only upon males, + she had the opportunity of seeing in the garden this female demon, + superbly attired, walking in company with a knight, with whom she was + laughing, like a natural woman. Then she had recognised in this demon that + true likeness of the Moorish woman placed as a nun in the convent of Notre + Dame de l’Egrignolles by the defunct seneschal of Touraine and Poitou, + Messire Bruyn, Count of Roche-Corbon, the which Moorish woman had been + left in the situation and place of the image of our Lady the Virgin, the + mother of our Blessed Saviour, stolen by the Egyptians about eighteen + years since. Of this time, in consequence of the troubles come about in + Touraine, no record has been kept. This girl, aged about twelve years, was + saved from the stake at which she would have been burned by being + baptised; and the said defunct and his wife had then been godfather and + godmother to this child of hell. Being at that time laundress at the + convent, she who bears witness has remembrance of the flight which the + said Egyptian took twenty months after her entry into the convent, so + subtilely that it has never been known how or by what means she escaped. + At that time it was thought by all, that with the devil’s aid she had + flown away in the air, seeing that not withstanding much search, no trace + of her flight was found in the convent, where everything remained in its + accustomed order. + </p> + <p> + The African having been shown to the said scullion, she has declared not + to have seen him before, although she was curious to do so, as he was + commissioned to guard the place in which the Moorish woman combated with + those whom she drained through the spigot. + </p> + <p> + In the seventh place has been brought before us Hugues de Fou, son of the + Sieur de Bridore, who, aged twenty years, has been placed in the hands of + his father, under caution of his estates, and by him is represented in + this process, whom it concerns if should be duly attained and convicted of + having, assisted by several unknown and bad young men, laid siege to the + jail of the archbishop and of the chapter, and of having lent himself to + disturb the force of ecclesiastical justice, by causing the escape of the + demon now under consideration. In spite of the evil disposition we have + commanded the said Hugues de Fou to testify truly, touching the things he + should know concerning the said demon, with whom he is vehemently reputed + to have had commerce, pointing out to him that it was a question of his + salvation and of the life of the said demon. He, after having taken the + oath, he said:— + </p> + <p> + “I swear by my eternal salvation, and by the holy Evangelists here present + under my hand, to hold the woman suspected of being a demon to be an + angel, a perfect woman, and even more so in mind than in body, living in + all honesty, full of the migniard charms and delights of love, in no way + wicked, but most generous, assisting greatly the poor and suffering. I + declare that I have seen her weeping veritable tears for the death of my + friend, the knight of Croixmare. And because on that day she had made a + vow to our Lady the Virgin no more to receive the love of young noblemen + too weak in her service; she has to me constantly and with great courage + denied the enjoyment of her body, and has only granted to me love, and the + possession of her heart, of which she has made sovereign. Since this + gracious gift, in spite of my increasing flame I have remained alone in + her dwelling, where I have spent the greater part of my days, happy in + seeing and in hearing her. Oh! I would eat near her, partake of the air + which entered into her lungs, of the light which shone in her sweet eyes, + and found in this occupation more joy than have the lords of paradise. + Elected by me to be forever my lady, chosen to be one day my dove, my + wife, and only sweetheart, I, poor fool, have received from her no + advances on the joys of the future, but, on the contrary, a thousand + virtuous admonitions; such as that I should acquire renown as a good + knight, become a strong man and a fine one, fear nothing except God; + honour the ladies, serve but one and love them in memory of that one; that + when I should be strengthened by the work of war, if her heart still + pleased mine, at that time only would she be mine, because she would be + able to wait for me, loving me so much.” + </p> + <p> + So saying the young Sire Hugues wept, and weeping, added:— + </p> + <p> + “That thinking of this graceful and feeble woman, whose arms seemed + scarcely large enough to sustain the light weight of her golden chains, he + did not know how to contain himself while fancying the irons which would + wound her, and the miseries with which she would traitorously be loaded, + and from this cause came his rebellion. And that he had licence to express + his sorrow before justice, because his life was so bound up with that of + his delicious mistress and sweetheart that on the day when evil came to + her he would surely die.” + </p> + <p> + And the same young man has vociferated a thousand other praises of the + said demon, which bear witness to the vehement sorcery practised upon him, + and prove, moreover, the abominable, unalterable, and incurable life and + the fraudulent witcheries to which he is at present subject, concerning + which our lord the archbishop will judge, in order to save by exorcisms + and penitences this young soul from the snares of hell, if the devil has + not gained too strong a hold of it. + </p> + <p> + Then we have handed back the said young nobleman into the custody of the + noble lord his father, after that by the said Hugues, the African has been + recognised as the servant of the accused. + </p> + <p> + In the eighth place, before us, have the footguards of our lord the + archbishop led in great state the MOST HIGH AND REVEREND LADY JACQUELINE + DE CHAMPCHEVRIER, ABBESS OF THE CONVENT OF NOTRE-DAME, under the + invocation of Mount Carmel, to whose control has been submitted by the + late seneschal of Touraine, father of Monseigneur the Count of + Roche-Corbon, present advocate of the said convent, the Egyptian, named at + the baptismal font Blanche Bruyn. + </p> + <p> + To the said abbess we have shortly stated the present cause, in which is + involved the holy church, the glory of God, and the eternal future of the + people of the diocese afflicted with a demon, and also the life of a + creature who it was possible might be quite innocent. Then the cause + elaborated, we have requested the said noble abbess to testify that which + was within her knowledge concerning the magical disappearance of her + daughter in God, Blanche Bruyn, espoused by our Saviour under the name of + Sister Clare. + </p> + <p> + Then has stated the very high, very noble, and very illustrious lady + abbess as follows:— + </p> + <p> + “The Sister Clare, of origin to her unknown, but suspected to be of an + heretic father and mother, people inimical to God, has truly been placed + in religion in the convent of which the government had canonically come to + her in spite of her unworthiness; that the said sister had properly + concluded her noviciate, and made her vows according to the holy rule of + the order. That the vows taken, she had fallen into great sadness, and had + much drooped. Interrogated by her, the abbess, concerning her melancholy + malady, the said sister had replied with tears that she herself did not + know the cause. That one thousand and one tears engendered themselves in + her at feeling no more her splendid hair upon her head; that besides this + she thirsted for air, and could not resist her desire to jump up into the + trees, to climb and tumble about according to her wont during her open air + life; that she passed her nights in tears, dreaming of the forests under + the leaves of which in other days she slept; and in remembrance of this + she abhorred the quality of the air of the cloisters, which troubled her + respiration; that in her inside she was troubled with evil vapours; that + at times she was inwardly diverted in church by thoughts which made her + lose countenance. Then I have repeated over and over again to the poor + creature the holy directions of the church, have reminded her of the + eternal happiness which women without seeing enjoy in paradise, and how + transitory was life here below, and certain the goodness of God, who for + first certain bitter pleasures lost, kept for us a love without end. Is + spite of this wise maternal advice the evil spirit has persisted in the + said sister; and always would she gaze upon the leaves of the trees and + grass of the meadows through the windows of the church during the offices + and times of prayer; and persisted in becoming as white as linen in order + that she might stay in her bed, and at certain times she would run about + the cloisters like a goat broken loose from its fastening. Finally, she + had grown thin, lost much of the great beauty, and shrunk away to nothing. + While in this condition by us, the abbess her mother, was she placed in + the sick-room, we daily expecting her to die. One winter’s morning the + said sister had fled, without leaving any trace of her steps, without + breaking the door, forcing of locks, or opening of windows, nor any sign + whatever of the manner of her passage; a frightful adventure which was + believed to have taken place by the aid of the demon which has annoyed and + tormented her. For the rest it was settled by the authorities of the + metropolitan church that the mission of this daughter of hell was to + divert the nuns from their holy ways, and blinded by their perfect lives, + she had returned through the air on the wings of the sorcerer, who had + left her for mockery of our holy religion in the place of our Virgin + Mary.” + </p> + <p> + The which having said, the lady abbess was, with great honour and + according to the command of our lord the archbishop, accompanied as far as + the convent of Carmel. + </p> + <p> + In the ninth place, before us has come, agreeably to the citation served + upon him, Joseph, called Leschalopier, a money-changer, living on the + bridge at the sign of the Besant d’Or, who, after having pledged his + Catholic faith to say no other thing than the truth, and that known to + him, touching the process before the ecclesiastical tribunal, has + testified as follows:—“I am a poor father, much afflicted by the + sacred will of God. Before the coming of the Succubus of the Rue Chaude, I + had, for all good, a son as handsome as a noble, learned as a clerk, and + having made more than a dozen voyages into foreign lands; for the rest a + good Catholic; keeping himself on guard against the needles of love, + because he avoided marriage, knowing himself to be the support of my old + days, the love for my eyes, and the constant delight of my heart. He was a + son of whom the King of France might have been proud—a good and + courageous man, the light on my commerce, the joy of my roof, and, above + all, an inestimable blessing, seeing that I am alone in the world, having + had the misfortune to lose my wife, and being too old to take another. + Now, monseigneur, this treasure without equal has been taken from me, and + cast into hell by the demon. Yes, my lord judge, directly he beheld this + mischievous jade, this she-devil, in whom it is a whole workshop of + perdition, a conjunction of pleasure and delectation, and whom nothing can + satiate, my poor child stuck himself fast into the gluepot of love, and + afterwards lived only between the columns of Venus, and there did not live + long, because in that place like so great a heat that nothing can satisfy + the thirst of this gulf, not even should you plunge therein the germs of + the entire world. Alas! then, my poor boy —his fortune, his + generative hopes, his eternal future, his entire self, more than himself, + have been engulfed in this sewer, like a grain of corn in the jaws of a + bull. By this means become an old orphan I, who speak, shall have no + greater joy than to see burning, this demon, nourished with blood and + gold. This Arachne who has drawn out and sucked more marriages, more + families in the seed, more hearts, more Christians then there are lepers + in all the lazar houses or Christendom. Burn, torment this fiend—this + vampire who feeds on souls, this tigerish nature that drinks blood, this + amorous lamp in which burns the venom of all the vipers. Close this abyss, + the bottom of which no man can find.... I offer my deniers to the chapter + for the stake, and my arm to light the fire. Watch well, my lord judge, to + surely guard this devil, seeing that she has a fire more flaming than all + other terrestrial fires; she has all the fire of hell in her, the strength + of Samson in her hair, and the sound of celestial music in her voice. She + charms to kill the body and the soul at one stroke; she smiles to bite, + she kisses to devour; in short, she would wheedle an angel, and make him + deny his God. My son! my son! where is he at this hour? The flower of my + life—a flower cut by this feminine needlecase as with scissors. Ha, + lord! why have I been called? Who will give me back my son, whose soul has + been absorbed by a womb which gives death to all, and life to none? The + devil alone copulates, and engenders not. This is my evidence, which I + pray Master Tournebouche to write without omitting one iota, and to grant + me a schedule, that I may tell it to God every evening in my prayer, to + this end to make the blood of the innocent cry aloud into His ears, and to + obtain from His infinite mercy the pardon for my son.” + </p> + <p> + Here followed twenty and seven other statements, of which the + transcription in their true objectivity, in all their quality of space + would be over-fastidious, would draw to a great length, and divert the + thread of this curious process—a narrative which, according to + ancient precepts, should go straight to the fact, like a bull to his + principal office. Therefore, here is, in a few words, the substance of + these testimonies. + </p> + <p> + A great number of good Christians, townsmen and townswomen, inhabitants of + the noble town of Tours, testified the demon to have held every day + wedding feasts and royal festivities, never to have been seen in any + church, to have cursed God, to have mocked the priests, never to have + crossed herself in any place; to have spoken all the languages of the + earth—a gift which has only been granted by God to the blessed + Apostles; to have been many times met in the fields, mounted upon an + unknown animal who went before the clouds; not to grow old, and to have + always a youthful face; to have received the father and the son on the + same day, saying that her door sinned not; to have visible malign + influences which flowed from her, for that a pastrycook, seated on a bench + at her door, having perceived her one evening, received such a gust of + warm love that, going in and getting to bed, he had with great passion + embraced his wife, and was found dead on the morrow, that the old men of + the town went to spend the remainder of their days and of their money with + her, to taste the joys of the sins of their youth, and that they died like + fleas on their bellies, and that certain of them, while dying, became as + black as Moors; that this demon never allowed herself to be seen neither + at dinner, nor at breakfast, nor at supper, but ate alone, because she + lived upon human brains; that several had seen her during the night go to + the cemeteries, and there embrace the young dead men, because she was not + able to assuage otherwise the devil who worked in her entrails, and there + raged like a tempest, and from that came the astringent biting, nitrous + shooting, precipitant, and diabolical movements, squeezings, and writhings + of love and voluptuousness, from which several men had emerged bruised, + torn, bitten, pinched and crushed; and that since the coming of our + Saviour, who had imprisoned the master devil in the bellies of the swine, + no malignant beast had ever been seen in any portion of the earth so + mischievous, venomous and so clutching; so much so that if one threw the + town of Tours into this field of Venus, she would there transmute it into + the grain of cities, and this demon would swallow it like a strawberry. + </p> + <p> + And a thousand other statements, sayings, and depositions, from which was + evident in perfect clearness the infernal generation of this woman, + daughter, sister, niece, spouse, or brother of the devil, beside abundant + proofs of her evil doing, and of the calamity spread by her in all + families. And if it were possible to put them here conformably with the + catalogue preserved by the good man to whom he accused the discovery, it + would seem like a sample of the horrible cries which the Egyptians gave + forth on the day of the seventh plague. Also this examination has covered + with great honour Messire Guillaume Tournebouche, by whom are quoted all + the memoranda. In the tenth vacation was thus closed this inquest, + arriving at a maturity of proof, furnished with authentic testimony and + sufficiently engrossed with the particulars, plaints, interdicts, + contradictions, charges, assignments, withdrawals, confessions public and + private, oaths, adjournments, appearances and controversies, to which the + said demon must reply. And the townspeople say everywhere if there were + really a she-devil, and furnished with internal horns planted in her + nature, with which she drank the men, and broke them, this woman might + swim a long time in this sea of writing before being landed safe and sound + in hell. + </p> + <p> + II THE PROCEEDINGS TAKEN RELATIVE TO THIS FEMALE VAMPIRE. + </p> + <p> + <i>In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.</i> + </p> + <p> + In the year of our Lord one thousand two hundred and seventy-one, before + us, Hierome Cornille, grand penitentiary and ecclesiastical judge to this, + canonically appointed, have appeared— + </p> + <p> + The Sire Philippe d’Idre, bailiff of the town and city of Tours and + province of Touraine, living in his hotel in the Rue de la Rotisserie, in + Chateauneuf; Master Jehan Ribou, provost of the brotherhood and company of + drapers, residing on the Quay de Bretaingne, at the image of St. + Pierre-es-liens; Messire Antoine Jehan, alderman and chief of the + Brotherhood of Changers, residing in the Place du Pont, at the image of + St. Mark-counting-tournoise-pounds; Master Martin Beaupertuys, captain of + the archers of the town residing at the castle; Jehan Rabelais, a ships’ + painter and boat maker residing at the port at the isle of St. Jacques, + treasurer of the brotherhood of the mariners of the Loire; Mark Hierome, + called Maschefer, hosier, at the sign of Saint-Sebastian, president of the + trades council; and Jacques, called de Villedomer, master tavern-keeper + and vine dresser, residing in the High Street, at the Pomme de Pin; to the + said Sire d’Idre, and to the said citizens, we have read the following + petition by them, written, signed, and deliberated upon, to be brought + under the notice of the ecclesiastical tribunal:— + </p> + <h3> + PETITION + </h3> + <p> + We, the undersigned, all citizens of Tours, are come into the hotel of his + worship the Sire d’Idre, bailiff of Touraine, in the absence of our mayor, + and have requested him to hear our plaints and statements concerning the + following facts, which we intend to bring before the tribunal of the + archbishop, the judge of ecclesiastical crimes, to whom should be deferred + the conduct of the cause which we here expose:— + </p> + <p> + A long time ago there came into this town a wicked demon in the form of a + woman, who lives in the parish of Saint-Etienne, in the house of the + innkeeper Tortebras, situated in the quit-rent of the chapter, and under + the temporal jurisdiction of the archiepiscopal domain. The which + foreigner carries on the business of a gay woman in a prodigal and abusive + manner, and with such increase of infamy that she threatens to ruin the + Catholic faith in this town, because those who go to her come back again + with their souls lost in every way, and refuse the assistance of the + Church with a thousand scandalous discourses. + </p> + <p> + Now considering that a great number of those who yielded to her are dead, + and that arrived in our town with no other wealth than her beauty, she + has, according to public clamour, infinite riches and right royal + treasure, the acquisition of which is vehemently attributed to sorcery, or + at least to robberies committed by the aid of magical attractions and her + supernaturally amorous person. + </p> + <p> + Considering that it is a question of the honour and security of our + families, and that never before has been seen in this country a woman wild + of body or a daughter of pleasure, carrying on with such mischief of + vocation of light o’ love, and menacing so openly and bitterly the life, + the savings, the morals, chastity, religion, and the everything of the + inhabitants of this town; + </p> + <p> + Considering that there is need of a inquiry into her person, her wealth + and her deportment, in order to verify if these effects of love are + legitimate, and to not proceed, as would seem indicated by her manners, + from a bewitchment of Satan, who often visits Christianity under the form + of a female, as appears in the holy books, in which it is stated that our + blessed Saviour was carried away into a mountain, from which Lucifer or + Astaroth showed him the fertile plains of Judea and that in many places + have been seen succubi or demons, having the faces of women, who, not + wishing to return to hell, and having with them an insatiable fire, + attempt to refresh and sustain themselves by sucking in souls; + </p> + <p> + Considering that in the case of the said woman a thousand proofs of + diablerie are met with, of which certain inhabitants speak openly, and + that it is necessary for the repose of the said woman that the matter be + sifted, in order that she shall not be attacked by certain people, ruined + by the result of her wickedness; + </p> + <p> + For these causes we pray that it will please you to submit to our + spiritual lord, father of this diocese, the most noble and blessed + archbishop Jehan de Monsoreau, the troubles of his afflicted flock, to the + end that he may advise upon them. + </p> + <p> + By doing so you will fulfil the duties of your office, as we do those of + preservers of the security of this town, each one according to the things + of which he has charge in his locality. + </p> + <p> + And we have signed the present, in the year of our Lord one thousand two + hundred and seventy-one, of All Saints’ Day, after mass. + </p> + <p> + Master Tournebouche having finished the reading of this petition, by us, + Hierome Cornille, has it been said to the petitioners— + </p> + <p> + “Gentlemen, do you, at the present time, persist in these statements? have + you proofs other than those come within your own knowledge, and do you + undertake to maintain the truth of this before God, before man, and before + the accused?” + </p> + <p> + All, with the exception of Master Jehan Rabelais, have persisted in their + belief, and the aforesaid Rabelais has withdrawn from the process, saying + that he considered the said Moorish woman to be a natural woman and a good + wench who had no other fault than that of keeping up a very high + temperature of love. + </p> + <p> + Then we, the judge appointed, have, after mature deliberation, found + matter upon which to proceed in the petition of the aforesaid citizens, + and have commanded that the woman at present in the jail of the chapter + shall be proceeded against by all legal methods, as written in the canons + and ordinances, <i>contra demonios</i>. The said ordinance, embodied in a + writ, shall be published by the town-crier in all parts, and with the + sound of the trumpet, in order to make it known to all, and that each + witness may, according to his knowledge, be confronted with the said + demon, and finally the said accused to be provided with a defender, + according to custom, and the interrogations, and the process to be + congruously conducted. + </p> + <p> + (Signed) HIEROME CORNILLE. + </p> + <p> + And, lower-down. + </p> + <h3> + TOURNEBOUCHE. + </h3> + <p> + In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen. + </p> + <p> + In the year of our Lord one thousand two hundred and seventy-one, the 10th + day of February, after mass, by command of us, Hierome Cornille, + ecclesiastical judge, has been brought from the jail of the chapter and + led before us the woman taken in the house of the innkeeper Tortebras, + situated in the domains of the chapter and the cathedral of St. Maurice, + and are subject to the temporal and seigneurial justice of the Archbishop + of Tours; besides which, in consequence of the nature of the crimes + imputed to her, she is liable to the tribunal and council of + ecclesiastical justice, the which we have made known to her, to the end + that she should not ignore it. + </p> + <p> + And after a serious reading, entirely at will understood by her, in the + first place of the petition of the town, then of the statements, plaints, + accusations, and proceedings which written in twenty-four quires by Master + Tournebouche, and are above related, we have, with the invocation and + assistance of God and the Church, resolved to ascertain the truth, first + by interrogatories made to the said accused. + </p> + <p> + In the first interrogation we have requested the aforesaid to inform us in + what land or town she had been born. By her who speaks was it answered: + “In Mauritania.” + </p> + <p> + We have then inquired: “If she had a father or mother, or any relations?” + By her who speaks has it been replied: “That she had never known them.” By + us requested to declare her name. By her who speaks has been replied: + “Zulma,” in Arabian tongue. + </p> + <p> + By us has it been demanded: “Why she spoke our language?” By her who + speaks has it been said: “Because she had come into this country.” By us + has it been asked: “At what time?” By her who speaks has it been replied: + “About twelve years.” + </p> + <p> + By us has it been asked: “What age she then was?” By her who speaks has it + been answered: “Fifteen years or thereabout.” + </p> + <p> + By us has it been said: “Then you acknowledge yourself to be twenty-seven + years of age?” By her who speaks has it been replied: “Yes.” + </p> + <p> + By us has it been said to her: “That she was then the Moorish child found + in the niche of Madame the Virgin, baptised by the Archbishop, held at the + font by the late Lord of Roche-Corbon and the Lady of Azay, his wife, + afterwards by them placed in religion at the convent of Mount Carmel, + where by her had been made vows of chastity, poverty, silence, and the + love of God, under the divine assistance of St. Clare?” By her who speaks + has been said: “That is true.” + </p> + <p> + By us has it been asked her: “If, then, she allowed to be true the + declarations of the very noble and illustrious lady the abbess of Mount + Carmel, also the statements of Jacquette, called Vieux-Oing, being kitchen + scullion?” By the accused has been answered: “These words are true in + great measure.” + </p> + <p> + Then by us has it been said to her: “Then you are a Christian?” And by her + who speaks has been answered: “Yes, my father.” + </p> + <p> + Then by us has she been requested to make the sign of the cross, and to + take holy water from the brush placed by Master Tournebouche in her hand; + the which having been done, and by us having been witnessed, it has been + admitted as an indisputable fact, that Zulma, the Moorish woman, called in + our country Blanche Bruyn, a nun of the convent under the invocation of + Mount Carmel, there named Sister Clare, and suspected to be the false + appearance of a woman under which is concealed a demon, has in our + presence made act of religion and thus recognised the justice of the + ecclesiastical tribunal. + </p> + <p> + Then by us have these words been said to her: “My daughter, you are + vehemently suspected to have had recourse to the devil from the manner in + which you left the convent, which was supernatural in every way.” By her + who speaks has it been stated, that she at that time gained naturally the + fields by the street door after vespers, enveloped in the robes of Jehan + de Marsilis, visitor of the convent, who had hidden her, the person + speaking, in a little hovel belonging to him, situated in the Cupidon + Lane, near a tower in the town. That there this said priest had to her + then speaking, at great length, and most thoroughly taught the depths of + love, of which she then speaking was before in all points ignorant, for + which delights she had a great taste, finding them of great use. That the + Sire d’Amboise having perceived her then speaking at the window of this + retreat, had been smitten with a great love for her. That she loved him + more heartily than the monk, and fled from the hovel where she was + detained for profit of his pleasure by Don Marsilis. And then she had gone + in great haste to Amboise, the castle of the said lord, where she had had + a thousand pastimes, hunting, and dancing, and beautiful dresses fit for a + queen. One day the Sire de la Roche-Pozay having been invited by the Sire + d’Amboise to come and feast and enjoy himself, the Baron d’Amboise had + allowed him to see her then speaking, as she came out naked from her bath. + That at this sight the said Sire de la Roche-Pozay having fallen violently + in love with her, had on the morrow discomfited in single combat the Sire + d’Amboise, and by great violence, had, is spite of her tears, taken her to + the Holy Land, where she who was speaking had lived the life of a woman + well beloved, and had been held in great respect on account of her great + beauty. That after numerous adventures, she who was speaking had returned + into this country in spite of the apprehensions of misfortune, because + such was the will of her lord and master, the Baron de Bueil, who was + dying of grief in Asiatic lands, and desired to return to his patrimonial + manor. Now he had promised her who was speaking to preserve her from + peril. Now she who was speaking had faith and belief in him, the more so + as she loved him very much; but on his arrival in this country, the Sire + de Bueil was seized with an illness, and died deplorably, without taking + any remedies, this spite of the fervent requests which she who was + speaking had addressed to him, but without success, because he hated + physicians, master surgeons, and apothecaries; and that this was the whole + truth. + </p> + <p> + Then by us has it been said to the accused that she then held to be true + the statements of the good Sire Harduin and of the innkeeper Tortebras. By + her who speaks has it been replied, that she recognised as evidence the + greater part, and also as malicious, calumnious, and imbecile certain + portions. + </p> + <p> + Then by us has the accused been required to declare if she had had + pleasure and carnal commerce with all the men, nobles, citizens, and + others as set forth in the plaints and declarations of the inhabitants. To + which her who speaks has it been answered with great effrontery: + “Pleasure, yes! Commerce, I do not know.” + </p> + <p> + By us has it been said to her, that all had died by her acts. By her who + speaks has it been said that their deaths could not be the result of her + acts, because she had always refused herself to them, and the more she + fled from them the more they came and embraced her with infinite passion, + and that when she who was speaking was taken by them she gave herself up + to them with all her strength, by the grace of God, because she had in + that more joy than in anything, and has stated, she who speaks, that she + avows her secret sentiments solely because she had been requested by us to + state the whole truth, and that she the speaker stood in great fear of the + torments of the torturers. + </p> + <p> + Then by us has she been requested to answer, under pain of torture, in + what state of mind she was when a young nobleman died in consequence of + his commerce with her. Then by her speaking has it been replied, that she + remained quite melancholy and wished to destroy herself; and prayed God, + the Virgin, and the saints to receive her into Paradise, because never had + she met with any but lovely and good hearts in which was no guile, and + beholding them die she fell into a great sadness, fancying herself to be + an evil creature or subject to an evil fate, which she communicated like + the plague. + </p> + <p> + Then by us has she been requested to state where she paid her orisons. + </p> + <p> + By her speaking has it been said that she played in her oratory on her + knees before God, who according to the Evangelists, sees and hears all + things and resides in all places. + </p> + <p> + Then by us has it been demanded why she never frequented the churches, the + offices, nor the feasts. To this by her speaking has it been answered, + that those who came to love her had elected the feast days for that + purpose, and that she speaking did all things to their liking. + </p> + <p> + By us has it been remonstrated that, by so doing, she was submissive to + man rather than to the commandments of God. + </p> + <p> + Then by her speaking has it been stated, that for those who loved her well + she speaking would have thrown herself into a flaming pile, never having + followed in her love any course but that of nature, and that for the + weight of the world in gold she would not have lent her body or her love + to a king who did not love her with his heart, feet, hair, forehead, and + all over. In short and moreover the speaker had never made an act of + harlotry in selling one single grain of love to a man whom she had not + chosen to be hers, and that he who held her in his arms one hour or kissed + her on the mouth a little, possessed her for the remainder of her days. + </p> + <p> + Then by us has she been requested to state whence preceded the jewels, + gold plate, silver, precious stones, regal furniture, carpets, et cetera, + worth 200,000 doubloons, according to the inventory found in her residence + and placed in the custody of the treasurer of the chapter. By the speaker + answer has been made, that in us she placed all her hopes, even as much as + in God, but that she dare not reply to this, because it involved the + sweetest things of love upon which she had always lived. And interpellated + anew, the speaker has said that if the judge knew with what fervour she + held him she loved, with what obedience she followed him in good or evil + ways, with what study she submitted to him, with what happiness she + listened to his desires, and inhaled the sacred words with which his mouth + gratified her, in what adoration she held his person, even we, an old + judge, would believe with her well-beloved, that no sum could pay for this + great affection which all the men ran after. After the speaker has + declared never from any man loved by her, to have solicited any present or + gift, and that she rested perfectly contented to live in their hearts, + that she would there curl herself up with indestructible and ineffable + pleasure, finding herself richer with this heart than with anything, and + thinking of no other thing than to give them more pleasure and happiness + than she received from them. But in spite of the iterated refusals of the + speaker her lovers persisted in graciously rewarding her. At times one + came to her with a necklace of pearls, saying, “This is to show my darling + that the satin of her skin did not falsely appear to me whiter than + pearls” and would put it on the speaker’s neck, kissing her lovingly. The + speaker would be angry at these follies, but could not refuse to keep a + jewel that gave them pleasure to see it there where they placed it. Each + one had a different fancy. At times another liked to tear the precious + garments which the speaker wore to gratify him; another to deck out the + speaker with sapphires on her arms, on her legs, on her neck, and in her + hair; another to seat her on the carpet, clad in silk or black velvet, and + to remain for days together in ecstasy at the perfections of the speaker + the whom the things desired by her lovers gave infinite pleasure, because + these things rendered them quite happy. And the speaker has said, that as + we love nothing so much as our pleasure, and wish that everything should + shine in beauty and harmonise, outside as well as inside the heart, so + they all wished to see the place inhabited by the speaker adorned with + handsome objects, and from this idea all her lovers were pleased as much + as she was in spreading thereabout gold, silks and flowers. Now seeing + that these lovely things spoil nothing, the speaker had no force or + commandment by which to prevent a knight, or even a rich citizen beloved + by her, having his will, and thus found herself constrained to receive + rare perfumes and other satisfaction with which the speaker was loaded, + and that such was the source of the gold, plate, carpets, and jewels + seized at her house by the officers of justice. This terminates the first + interrogation made to the said Sister Clare, suspected to be a demon, + because we the judge and Guillaume Tournebouche, are greatly fatigued with + having the voice of the aforesaid, in our ears, and finding our + understanding in every way muddled. + </p> + <p> + By us the judge has the second interrogatory been appointed, three days + from to-day, in order that the proofs of the possession and presence of + the demon in the body of the aforesaid may be sought, and the accused, + according to the order of the judge, has been taken back to the jail under + the conduct of Master Guillaume Tournebouche. + </p> + <p> + In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen. + </p> + <p> + On the thirteenth day following of the said month of the February before + us, Hierome Cornille, et cetera, has been produced the Sister Clare + above-mentioned, in order to be interrogated upon the facts and deeds to + her imputed, and of them to be convicted. + </p> + <p> + By us, the judge, has it been said to the accused that, looking at the + divers responses by her given to the proceeding interrogatories, it was + certain that it never had been in the power of a simple woman, even if she + were authorised, if such licence were allowed to lead the life of a loose + woman, to give pleasure to all, to cause so many deaths, and to accomplish + sorceries so perfect, without the assistance of a special demon lodged in + her body, and to whom her soul had been sold by an especial compact. That + it had been clearly demonstrated that under her outward appearance lies + and moves a demon, the author of these evils, and that she was now called + upon to declare at what age she had received the demon, to vow the + agreement existing between herself and him, and to tell the truth + concerning their common evil doings. By the speaker was it replied that + she would answer us, man, as to God, who would be judge of all of us. Then + has the speaker pretended never to have seen the demon, neither to have + spoken with him, nor in any way to desire to see him; never to have led + the life of a courtesan, because she, the speaker, had never practised the + various delights that love invents, other than those furnished by the + pleasure which the Sovereign Creator has put in the thing, and to have + always been incited more from the desire of being sweet and good to the + dear lord loved by her, then by an incessantly raging desire. But if such + had been her inclination, the speaker begged us to bear in mind that she + was a poor African girl, in whom God had placed very hot blood, and in her + brain so easy an understanding of the delights of love, that if a man only + looked at her she felt greatly moved in her heart. That if from desire of + acquaintance an amorous gentleman touched the speaker her on any portion + of the body, there passing his hand, she was, in spite of everything, + under his power, because her heart failed her instantly. By this touch, + the apprehension and remembrance of all the sweet joys of love woke again + in her breast, and there caused an intense heat, which mounted up, flamed + in her veins, and made her love and joy from head to foot. And since the + day when Don Marsilis had first awakened the understanding of the speaker + concerning these things, she had never had any other thought, and + thenceforth recognised love to be a thing so perfectly concordant with her + nature, that it had since been proved to the speaker that in default of + love and natural relief she would have died, withered at the said convent. + As evidence of which, the speaker affirms as a certainty, that after her + flight from the said convent she had not passed a single day or one + particle of time in melancholy and sadness, but always was she joyous, and + thus followed the sacred will of God, which she believed to have been + diverted during the time lost by her in the convent. + </p> + <p> + To this was it objected by us, Hierome Cornille, to the said demon, that + in this response she had openly blasphemed against God, because we had all + been made to his greater glory, and placed in the world to honour and to + serve Him, to have before our eyes His blessed commandments, and to live + in sanctity, in order to gain eternal life, and not to be always in bed, + doing that which even the beasts only do at a certain time. Then by the + said sister, has answer been made, that she honoured God greatly, that in + all countries she had taken care of the poor and suffering, giving them + both money and raiment, and that at the last judgement-day she hoped to + have around her a goodly company of holy works pleasant to God, which + would intercede for her. That but for her humility, a fear of being + reproached and of displeasing the gentlemen of the chapter, she would with + joy have spent her wealth in finishing the cathedral of St. Maurice, and + there have established foundations for the welfare of her soul—would + have spared therein neither her pleasure nor her person, and that with + this idea she would have taken double pleasure in her nights, because each + one of her amours would have added a stone to the building of this + basilic. Also the more this purpose, and for the eternal welfare of the + speaker, would they have right heartily given their wealth. + </p> + <p> + Then by us has it been said to this demon that she could not justify the + fact of her sterility, because in spite of so much commerce, no child had + been born of her, the which proved the presence of a demon in her. + Moreover, Astaroth alone, or an apostle, could speak all languages, and + she spoke after the manner of all countries, the which proved the presence + of the devil in her. Thereupon the speaker has asked: “In what consisted + the said diversity of language?”—that of Greek she knew nothing but + a Kyrie eleison, of which she made great use; of Latin, nothing, save + Amen, which she said to God, wishing therewith to obtain her liberty. That + for the rest the speaker had felt great sorrow, being without children, + and if the good wives had them, she believed it was because they took so + little pleasure in the business, and she, the speaker, a little too much. + But that such was doubtless the will of God, who thought that from too + great happiness, the world would be in danger of perishing. Taking this + into consideration, and a thousand other reasons, which sufficiently + establish the presence of the devil in the body of the sister, because the + peculiar property of Lucifer is to always find arguments having the + semblance of truth, we have ordered that in our presence the torture be + applied to the said accused, and that she be well tormented in order to + reduce the said demon by suffering to submit to the authority of the + Church, and have requested to render us assistance one Francois de + Hangest, master surgeon and doctor to the chapter, charging him by a + codicil hereunder written to investigate the qualities of the feminine + nature (virtutes vulvae) of the above-mentioned woman, to enlighten our + religion on the methods employed by this demon to lay hold of souls in + that way, and see if any article was there apparent. + </p> + <p> + Then the said Moorish women had wept bitterly, tortured in advance, and in + spite of her irons, has knelt down imploring with cries and clamour the + revocation of this order, objecting that her limbs were in such a feeble + state, and her bones so tender, that they would break like glass; and + finally, has offered to purchase her freedom from this by the gift all her + goods to the chapter, and to quit incontinently the country. + </p> + <p> + Upon this, by us has she been required to voluntarily declare herself to + be, and to have always been, demon of the nature of the Succubus, which is + a female devil whose business it is to corrupt Christians by the + blandishments and flagitious delights of love. To this the speaker has + replied that the affirmation would be an abominable falsehood, seeing that + she had always felt herself to be a most natural woman. + </p> + <p> + Then her irons being struck off by the torturer, the aforesaid has removed + her dress, and has maliciously and with evil design bewildered and + attacked our understandings with the sight of her body, the which, for a + fact, exercises upon a man supernatural coercion. + </p> + <p> + Master Guillaume Tournebouche has, by reason of nature, quitted the pen at + this period, and retired, objecting that he was unable, without incredible + temptations, which worked in his brain, to be a witness of this torture, + because he felt the devil violently gaining his person. + </p> + <p> + This finishes the second interrogatory; and as the apparitor and janitor + of the chapter have stated Master Francois de Hangest to be in the + country, the torture and interrogations are appointed for to-morrow at the + hour of noon after mass. + </p> + <p> + This has been written verbally by me, Hierome, in the absence of Master + Guillaume Tournebouche, on whose behalf it is signed. + </p> + <p> + HIEROME CORNILLE Grand Penitentiary. + </p> + <h3> + PETITION + </h3> + <p> + Today, the fourteenth day of the month of February, in the presence of me, + Hierome Cornille, have appeared the said Masters Jehan Ribou, Antoine + Jehan, Martin Beaupertuys, Hierome Maschefer, Jacques de Ville d’Omer, and + the Sire d’Idre, in place of the mayor of the city of Tours, for the time + absent. All plaintiffs designated in the act of process made at the Town + Hall, to whom we have, at the request of Blanche Bruyn (now confessing + herself a nun of the convent of Mount Carmel, under the name of Sister + Clare), declared the appeal made to the Judgment of God by the said person + accused of demonical possession, and her offer to pass through the ordeal + of fire and water, in presence of the Chapter and of the town of Tours, in + order to prove her reality as a woman and her innocence. + </p> + <p> + To this request have agreed for their parts, the said accusers, who, on + condition that the town is security for it, have engaged to prepare a + suitable place and a pile, to be approved by the godparents of the + accused. + </p> + <p> + Then by us, the judge, has the first day of the new year been appointed + for the day of the ordeal—which will be next Paschal Day —and + we have indicated the hour of noon, after mass, each of the parties having + acknowledged this delay to be sufficient. + </p> + <p> + And the present proclamation shall be cited, at the suit of each of them, + in all the towns, boroughs, and castles of Touraine and the land of + France, at their request and at their cost and suit. + </p> + <h3> + HIEROME CORNILLE. + </h3> + <p> + III WHAT THE SUCCUBUS DID TO SUCK OUT THE SOUL OF THE OLD JUDGE, AND WHAT + CAME OF THE DIABOLICAL DELECTATION. + </p> + <p> + This the act of extreme confession made the first day of the month of + March, in the year one thousand two hundred and seventy-one, after the + coming of our blessed Saviour, by Hierome Cornille, priest, canon of the + chapter of the cathedral of St. Maurice, grand penitentiary, of all + acknowledging himself unworthy, who, finding his last hour to be come, and + contrite of his sins, evil doings, forfeits, bad deeds, and wickednesses, + has desired his avowal to be published to serve the preconisation of the + truth, the glory of God, the justice of the tribunal, and to be an + alleviation to him of his punishment, in the other world. The said Hierome + Cornille being on his deathbed, there had been convoked to hear his + declarations, Jehan de la Haye (de Hago), vicar of the church of St. + Maurice; Pietro Guyard, treasurer of the chapter, appointed by our Lord + Jean de Monsoreau, Archbishop, to write his words; and Dom Louis Pot, a + monk of maius MONASTERIUM (Marmoustier), chosen by him for a spiritual + father and confessor; all three assisted by the great and illustrious Dr + Guillaume de Censoris, Roman Archdeacon, at present sent into the diocese + (LEGATUS), by our Holy Father the Pope; and, finally, in the presence of a + great number of Christians come to be witnesses of the death of the said + Hierome Cornille, upon his known wish to make act of public repentance, + seeing that he was fast sinking, and that his words might open the eyes of + Christians about to fall into hell. + </p> + <p> + And before him, Hierome, who, by reason of his great weakness could not + speak, has Dom Louis Pot read the following confession to the great + agitation of the said company:— + </p> + <p> + “My brethren, until the seventy-first year of my age, which is the one in + which I now am, with the exception of the little sins through which, all + holy though he be, a Christian renders himself culpable before God, but + which it is allowed to us to repurchase by penitence, I believe I led a + Christian life, and merited the praise and renown bestowed upon me in this + diocese, where I was raised to the high office of grand penitentiary, of + which I am unworthy. Now, struck with the knowledge of the infinite glory + of God, horrified at the agonies which await the wicked and prevaricators + in hell, I have thought to lessen the enormity of my sins by the greatest + penitence I can show in the extreme hour at which I am. Thus I have prayed + of the Church, whom I have deceived and betrayed, whose rights and + judicial renown I have sold, to grant me the opportunity of accusing + myself publicly in the manner of ancient Christians. I hoped, in order to + show my great repentance, to have still enough life in me to be reviled at + the door of the cathedral by all my brethren, to remain there an entire + day on my knees, holding a candle, a cord around my neck, and my feet + naked, seeing that I had followed the way of hell with regard to the + sacred instincts of the Church. But in this great shipwreck of my fragile + virtue, which will be to you as a warning to fly from vice and the snares + of the demon, and to take refuge in the Church, where all help is, I have + been so bewitched by Lucifer that our Saviour Jesus Christ will take, by + the intercession of all you whose help and prayers I request, pity on me, + a poor abused Christian, whose eyes now stream with tears. So would I have + another life to spend in works of penitence. Now then listen and tremble + with great fear! Elected by the assembled Chapter to carry it out, + instruct, and complete the process commenced against a demon, who had + appeared in a feminine shape, in the person of a relapse nun—an + abominable person, denying God, and bearing the name of Zulma in the + infidel country whence she comes; the which devil is known in the diocese + under that of Clare, of the convent of Mount Carmel, and has much + afflicted the town by putting herself under an infinite number of men to + gain their souls to Mammon, Astaroth, and Satan—princes of hell, by + making them leave this world in a state of mortal sin, and causing their + death where life has its source, I have, I the judge, fallen in my latter + days into this snare, and have lost my senses, while acquitting myself + traitorously of the functions committed with great confidence by the + Chapter to my cold senility. Hear how subtle the demon is, and stand firm + against her artifices. While listening to the first response of the + aforesaid Succubus, I saw with horror that the irons placed upon her feet + and hands left no mark there, and was astonished at her hidden strength + and at her apparent weakness. Then my mind was troubled suddenly at the + sight of the natural perfections with which the devil was endowed. I + listened to the music of her voice, which warmed me from head to foot, and + made me desire to be young, to give myself up to this demon, thinking that + for an hour passed in her company my eternal salvation was but poor + payment for the pleasure of love tasted in those slender arms. Then I lost + that firmness with which all judges should be furnished. This demon by me + questioned, reasoned with me in such a manner that at the second + interrogatory I was firmly persuaded I should be committing a crime in + fining and torturing a poor little creature who cried like an innocent + child. Then warned by a voice from on high to do my duty, and that these + golden words, the music of celestial appearance, were diabolical + mummeries, that this body, so pretty, so infatuating, would transmute + itself into a bristly beast with sharp claws, those eyes so soft into + flames of hell, her behind into a scaly tail, the pretty rosebud mouth and + gentle lips into the jaws of a crocodile, I came back to my intention of + having the said Succubus tortured until she avowed her permission, as this + practice had already been followed in Christianity. Now when this demon + showed herself stripped to me, to be put to the torture, I was suddenly + placed in her power by magical conjurations. I felt my old bones crack, my + brain received a warm light, my heart transhipped young and boiling blood. + I was light in myself, and by virtue of the magic philter thrown into my + eyes the snows on my forehead melted away. I lost all conscience of my + Christian life and found myself a schoolboy, running about the country, + escaped from class and stealing apples. I had not the power to make the + sign of the cross, neither did I remember the Church, God the Father, nor + the sweet Saviour of men. A prey to this design, I went about the streets + thinking over the delights of that voice, the abominable, pretty body of + this demon, and saying a thousand wicked things to myself. Then pierced + and drawn by a blow of the devil’s fork, who had planted himself already + in my head as a serpent in an oak, I was conducted by this sharp prong + towards the jail, in spite of my guardian angel, who from time to time + pulled me by the arm and defended me against these temptations, but in + spite of his holy advice and his assistance I was dragged by a million + claws stuck into my heart, and soon found myself in the jail. As soon as + the door was opened to me I saw no longer any appearance of a prison, + because the Succubus had there, with the assistance of evil genii or fays, + constructed a pavilion of purple and silk, full of perfumes and flowers, + where she was seated, superbly attired with neither irons on her neck nor + chains on her feet. I allowed myself to be stripped of my ecclesiastical + vestments, and was put into a scent bath. Then the demon covered me with a + Saracen robe, entertained me with a repast of rare viands contained in + precious vases, gold cups, Asiatic wines, songs and marvellous music, and + a thousand sweet sounds that tickled my soul by means of my ears. At my + side kept always the said Succubus, and her sweet, delectable embrace + distilled new ardour into my members. My guardian angel quitted me. Then I + lived only by the terrible light of the Moorish woman’s eyes, coveted the + warm embraces of the delicate body, wished always to feel her red lips, + that I believed natural, and had no fear of the bite of those teeth which + drew me to the bottom of hell, I delighted to feel the unequalled softness + of her hands without thinking that they were unnatural claws. In short, I + acted like husband desiring to go to his affianced without thinking that + that spouse was everlasting death. I had no thought for the things of this + world nor the interests of God, dreaming only of love, of the sweet + breasts of this woman, who made me burn, and of the gate of hell in which + I wished to cast myself. Alas! my brethren, during three days and three + nights was I thus constrained to toil without being able to stop the + stream which flowed from my reins, in which were plunged, like two pikes, + the hands of the Succubus, which communicated to my poor old age and to my + dried up bones, I know not what sweat of love. At first this demon, to + draw me to her, caused to flow in my inside the softness of milk, then + came poignant joys which pricked like a hundred needles my bones, my + marrow, my brain, and my nerves. Then all this gone, all things became + inflamed, my head, my blood, my nerves, my flesh, my bones, and then I + burned with the real fire of hell, which caused me torments in my joints, + and an incredible, intolerable, tearing voluptuousness which loosened the + bonds of my life. The tresses of this demon, which enveloped my poor body, + poured upon me a stream of flame, and I felt each lock like a bar of red + iron. During this mortal delectation I saw the ardent face of the said + Succubus, who laughed and addressed to me a thousand exciting words; such + as that I was her knight, her lord, her lance, her day, her joy, her hero, + her life, her good, her rider, and that she would like to clasp me even + closer, wishing to be in my skin or have me in hers. Hearing which, under + the prick of this tongue which sucked out my soul, I plunged and + precipitated myself finally into hell without finding the bottom. And then + when I had no more a drop of blood in my veins, when my heart no longer + beat in my body, and I was ruined at all points, the demon, still fresh, + white, rubicund, glowing, and laughing, said to me— + </p> + <p> + “‘Poor fool, to think me a demon! Had I asked thee to sell thy soul for a + kiss, wouldst thou not give it to me with all thy heart?’ + </p> + <p> + “‘Yes,’ said I. + </p> + <p> + “‘And if always to act thus it were necessary for thee to nourish thyself + with the blood of new-born children in order always to have new life to + spend in my arms, would you not imbibe it willingly?’ + </p> + <p> + “‘Yes,’ said I. + </p> + <p> + “‘And to be always my gallant horseman, gay as a man in his prime, feeling + life, drinking pleasure, plunging to the depths of joy as a swimmer into + the Loire, wouldst thou not deny God, wouldst thou not spit in the face of + Jesus?’ + </p> + <p> + “‘Yes,’ said I. + </p> + <p> + “Then I felt a hundred sharp claws which tore my diaphragm as if the beaks + of a thousand birds there took their bellyfuls, shrieking. Then I was + lifted suddenly above the earth upon the said Succubus, who had spread her + wings, and cried to me— + </p> + <p> + “‘Ride, ride, my gallant rider! Hold yourself firmly on the back of thy + mule, by her mane, by her neck; and ride, ride, my gallant rider —everything + rides!’ And then I saw, as a thick fog, the cities of the earth, where by + a special gift I perceived each one coupled with a female demon, and + tossing about, and engendering in great concupiscence, all shrieking a + thousand words of love and exclamations of all kinds, and all toiling away + with ecstasy. Then my horse with the Moorish head pointed out to me, still + flying and galloping beyond the clouds, the earth coupled with the sun in + a conjunction, from which proceeded a germ of stars, and there each female + world was embracing a male world; but in place of the words used by + creatures, the worlds were giving forth the howls of tempests, throwing up + lightnings and crying thunders. Then still rising, I saw overhead the + female nature of all things in love with the Prince of Movement. Now, by + way of mockery, the Succubus placed me in the centre of this horrible and + perpetual conflict, where I was lost as a grain of sand in the sea. Then + still cried my white mare to me, ‘Ride, ride my gallant rider—all + things ride!’ Now, thinking how little was a priest in this torment of the + seed of worlds, nature always clasped together, and metals, stones, + waters, airs, thunders, fish, plants, animals, men, spirits, worlds and + planets, all embracing with rage, I denied the Catholic faith. Then the + Succubus, pointing out to me the great patch of stars seen in heavens, + said to me, ‘That way is a drop of celestial seed escaped from great flow + of the worlds in conjunction.’ Thereupon I instantly clasped the Succubus + with passion by the light of a thousand million of stars, and I wished in + clasping her to feel the nature of those thousand million creatures. Then + by this great effort of love I fell impotent in every way, and heard a + great infernal laugh. Then I found myself in my bed, surrounded by my + servitors, who had had the courage to struggle with the demon, throwing + into the bed where I was stretched a basin full of holy water, and saying + fervent prayers to God. Then had I to sustain, in spite of this + assistance, a horrible combat with the said Succubus, whose claws still + clutched my heart, causing me infinite pains; still, while reanimated by + the voice of my servitors, relations, and friends, I tried to make the + sacred sign of the cross; the Succubus perched on my bed, on the bolster, + at the foot, everywhere, occupying herself in distracting my nerves, + laughing, grimacing, putting before my eyes a thousand obscene images, and + causing me a thousand wicked desires. Nevertheless, taking pity on me, my + lord the Archbishop caused the relics of St. Gatien to be brought, and the + moment the shrine had touched my bed the said Succubus was obliged to + depart, leaving an odour of sulphur and of hell, which made the throats of + my servants, friends, and others sore for a whole day. Then the celestial + light of God having enlightened my soul, I knew I was, through my sins and + my combat with the evil spirit, in great danger of dying. Then did I + implore the especial mercy, to live just a little time to render glory to + God and his Church, objecting the infinite merits of Jesus dead upon the + cross for the salvation of the Christians. By this prayer I obtained the + favour of recovering sufficient strength to accuse myself of my sins, and + to beg of the members of the Church of St. Maurice their aid and + assistance to deliver me from purgatory, where I am about to atone for my + faults by infinite agonies. Finally, I declare that my proclamation, + wherein the said demon appeals the judgment of God by the ordeals of holy + water and a fire, is a subterfuge due to an evil design suggested by the + said demon, who would thus have had the power to escape the justice of the + tribunal of the Archbishop and of the Chapter, seeing that she secretly + confessed to me, to be able to make another demon accustomed to the ordeal + appear in her place. And, in conclusion, I give and bequeath to the + Chapter of the Church of St. Maurice my property of all kinds, to found a + chapter in the said church, to build it and adorn it and put it under the + invocation of St. Hierome and St. Gatien, of whom one is my patron and the + other the saviour of my soul.” + </p> + <p> + This, heard by all the company, has been brought to the notice of the + ecclesiastical tribunal by Jehan to la Haye (Johannes de Haga). + </p> + <p> + We, Jehan de la Haye (Johannes de Haga), elected grand penitentiary of St. + Maurice by the general assembly of the Chapter, according to the usage and + custom of that church, and appointed to pursue afresh the trial of the + demon Succubus, at present in the jail of the Chapter, have ordered a new + inquest, at which will be heard all those of this diocese having + cognisance of the facts relative thereto. We declared void the other + proceedings, interrogations, and decrees, and annul them in the name of + the members of the Church in general, and sovereign Chapter assembled, and + declare that the appeal to God, traitorously made by the demon, shall not + take place, in consequence of the notorious treachery of the devil in this + affair. And the said judgment shall be cried by sound of trumpet in all + parts of the diocese in which have been published the false edicts of the + preceding month, all notoriously due to the instigation of the demon, + according to the confession of the late Hierome Cornille. + </p> + <p> + Let all good Christians be of assistance to our Holy Church, and to her + commandments. + </p> + <h3> + JEHAN DE LA HAYE. + </h3> + <p> + IV HOW THE MOORISH WOMAN OF THE RUE CHAUDE TWISTED ABOUT SO BRISKLY THAT + WITH GREAT DIFFICULTY WAS SHE BURNED AND COOKED ALIVE, TO THE GREAT LOSS + OF THE INFERNAL REGIONS. + </p> + <p> + This was written in the month of May, of the year 1360, after the manner + of a testament. + </p> + <p> + “My very dear and well-beloved son, when it shall be lawful for thee to + read this I shall be, I thy father, reposing in the tomb, imploring thy + prayers, and supplicating thee to conduct thyself in life as it will be + commanded thee in this rescript, bequeathed for the good government of thy + family, thy future, and safety; for I have done this at a period when I + had my senses and understanding, still recently affected by the sovereign + injustice of men. In my virile age I had a great ambition to raise myself + in the Church, and therein to obtain the highest dignities, because no + life appeared to me more splendid. Now with this earnest idea, I learned + to read and write, and with great trouble became in a fit condition to + enter the clergy. But because I had no protection, or good advice to + superintend my training I had an idea of becoming the writer, tabellion, + and rubrican of the Chapter of St. Maurice, in which were the highest and + richest personages of Christendom, since the King of France is only + therein a simple canon. Now there I should be able better than anywhere + else to find services to render to certain lords, and thus to find a + master or gain patronage, and by this assistance enter into religion, and + be mitred and esconced in an archiepiscopal chair, somewhere or other. But + this first vision was over credulous, and a little too ambitious, the + which God caused me clearly to perceive by the sequel. In fact, Messire + Jepan de Villedomer, who afterwards became cardinal, was given this + appointment, and I was rejected, discomfited. Now in this unhappy hour I + received an alleviation of my troubles, by the advice of the good old + Hierome Cornille, of whom I have often spoken to you. This dear man + induced me, by his kindness, to become penman to the Chapter of St. + Maurice and the Archbishop of Tours, the which offer I accepted with joy, + since I was reputed a scrivener. At the time I was about to enter into the + presbytery commenced the famous process against the devil of the Rue + Chaude, of which the old folk still talk, and which in its time, has been + recounted in every home in France. Now, believing that it would be of + great advantage to my ambition, and that for this assistance the Chapter + would raise me to some dignity, my good master had me appointed for the + purpose of writing all of that should be in this grave cause, subject to + writing. At the very outset Monseigneur Hierome Cornille, a man + approaching eighty years, of great sense, justice, and sound + understanding, suspected some spitefulness in this cause, although he was + not partial to immodest girls, and had never been involved with a woman in + his life, and was holy and venerable, with a sanctity which had caused him + to be selected as a judge, all this not withstanding. As soon as the + depositions were completed, and the poor wench heard, it remained clear + that although this merry doxy had broken her religious vows, she was + innocent of all devilry, and that her great wealth was coveted by her + enemies, and other persons, whom I must not name to thee for reasons of + prudence. At this time every one believed her to be so well furnished with + silver and gold that she could have bought the whole county of Touraine, + if so it had pleased her. A thousand falsehoods and calumnious words + concerning the girl, envied by all the honest women, were circulated and + believed in as gospel. At this period Master Hierome Cornille, having + ascertained that no demon other than that of love was in the girl, made + her consent to remain in a convent for the remainder of her days. And + having ascertained certain noble knights brave in war and rich in domains, + that they would do everything to save her, he invited her secretly to + demand of her accusers the judgment of God, at the same time giving her + goods to the chapter, in order to silence mischievous tongues. By this + means would be saved from the stake the most delicate flower that ever + heaven has allowed to fall upon our earth; the which flower yielded only + from excessive tenderness and amiability to the malady of love, cast by + her eyes into the hearts of all her pursuers. But the real devil, under + the form of a monk, mixed himself up in this affair; in this wise: great + enemy of the virtue, wisdom, and sanctity of Monsignor Hierome Cornille, + named Jehan de la Haye, having learned that in the jail, the poor girl was + treated like a queen, wickedly accused the grand penitentiary of + connivance with her and of being her servitor, because, said this wicked + priest, she makes him young, amorous, and happy, from which the poor old + man died of grief in one day, knowing by this that Jehan de la Haye had + worn his ruin and coveted his dignities. In fact, our lord the archbishop + visited the jail, and found the Moorish woman in a pleasant place, + reposing comfortably, and without irons, because, having placed a diamond + in a place when none could have believed she could have held it, she had + purchased the clemency of her jailer. At the time certain persons said + that this jailer was smitten with her, and that from love, or perhaps in + great fear of the young barons, lovers of this woman, he had planned her + escape. The good man Cornille being at the point of death, through the + treachery of Jehan de la Haye, the Chapter thinking it necessary to make + null and void the proceedings taken by the penitentiary, and also his + decrees, the said Jehan de la Haye, at that time a simple vicar of the + cathedral, pointed out that to do this it would be sufficient to obtain a + public confession from the good man on his death-bed. Then was the + moribund tortured and tormented by the gentleman of the Chapter, those of + Saint Martin, those of Marmoustiers, by the archbishop and also by the + Pope’s legate, in order that he might recant to the advantage of the + Church, to which the good man would not consent. But after a thousand + ills, the public confession was prepared, at which the most noteworthy + people of the town assisted, and the which spread more horror and + consternation than I can describe. The churches of the diocese held public + prayers for this calamity, and every one expected to see the devil tumble + into his house by the chimney. But the truth of it is that the good Master + Hierome had a fever, and saw cows in his room, and then was this + recantation obtained of him. The access passed, the poor saint wept + copiously on learning this trick from me. In fact, he died in my arms, + assisted by his physicians, heartbroken at this mummery, telling us that + he was going to the feet of God to pray to prevent the consummation of + this deplorable iniquity. The poor Moorish woman had touched him much by + her tears and repentance, seing that before making her demand for the + judgment of God he had minutely confessed her, and by that means had + disentangled the soul divine which was in the body, and of which he spoke + as of a diamond worthy of adorning the holy crown of God, when she should + have departed this life, after repenting her sins. Then, my dear son, + knowing by the statements made in the town, and by the naive responses of + this unhappy wretch, all the trickery of this affair, I determined by the + advice of Master Francois de Hangest, physician of the chapter, to feign + an illness and quit the service of the Church of St. Maurice and of the + archbishopric, in order not to dip my hands in the innocent blood, which + still cries and will continue to cry aloud unto God until the day of the + last judgment. Then was the jailer dismissed, and in his place was put the + second son of the torturer, who threw the Moorish woman into a dungeon, + and inhumanly put upon her hands and feet chains weighing fifty pounds, + besides a wooden waistband; and the jail were watched by the crossbowmen + of the town and the people of the archbishop. The wench was tormented and + tortured, and her bones were broken; conquered by sorrow, she made an + avowal according to the wishes of Jehan de la Haye, and was instantly + condemned to be burned in the enclosure of St. Etienne, having been + previously placed in the portals of the church, attired in a chemise of + sulphur, and her goods given over to the Chapter, et cetera. This order + was the cause of great disturbances and fighting in the town, because + three young knights of Touraine swore to die in the service of the poor + girl, and to deliver her in all possible ways. Then they came into the + town, accompanied by thousands of sufferers, labouring people, old + soldiers, warriors, courtesans, and others, whom the said girls had + succoured, saved from misfortune, from hunger and misery, and searched all + the poor dwellings of the town where lay those to whom she had done good. + Thus all were stirred up and called together to the plain of Mount-Louis + under the protection of the soldiers of the said lords; they had for + companions all the scape-graces of the said twenty leagues around, and + came one morning to lay siege to the prison of the archbishop, demanding + that the Moorish woman should be given up to them as though they would put + her to death, but in fact to set her free, and to place her secretly upon + a swift horse, that she might gain the open country, seeing that she rode + like a groom. Then in this frightful tempest of men have we seen between + the battlements of the archiepiscopal palace and the bridges, more than + ten thousand men swarming, besides those who were perched upon the roofs + of the houses and climbing on all the balconies to see the sedition; in + short it was easy to hear the horrible cries of the Christians, who were + terribly in earnest, and of those who surrounded the jail with the + intention of setting the poor girl free, across the Loire, the other side + of Saint Symphorien. The suffocation and squeezing of bodies was so great + in this immense crowd, bloodthirsty for the poor creature at whose knees + they would have fallen had they had the opportunity of seeing her, that + seven children, eleven women, and eight citizens were crushed and smashed + beyond all recognition, since they were like splodges of mud; in short, so + wide open was the great mouth of this popular leviathan, this horrible + monster, that the clamour was heard at Montils-les-Tours. All cried ‘Death + to the Succubus! Throw out the demon! Ha! I’d like a quarter! I’ll have + her skin! The foot for me, the mane for thee! The head for me! The + something for me! Is it red? Shall we see? Will it be grilled? Death to + her! death!’ Each one had his say. But the cry, ‘Largesse to God! Death to + the Succubus!’ was yelled at the same time by the crowd so hoarsely and so + cruelly that one’s ears and heart bled therefrom; and the other cries were + scarcely heard in the houses. The archbishop decided, in order to calm + this storm which threatened to overthrow everything, to come out with + great pomp from the church, bearing the host, which would deliver the + Chapter from ruin, since the wicked young men and the lords had sworn to + destroy and burn the cloisters and all the canons. Now by this stratagem + the crowd was obliged to break up, and from lack of provisions return to + their houses. Then the monks of Touraine, the lords, and the citizens, in + great apprehension of pillage on the morrow, held a nocturnal council, and + accepted the advice of the Chapter. By their efforts the men-at-arms, + archers, knights, and citizens, in a large number, kept watch, and killed + a party of shepherds, road menders, and vagrants, who, knowing the + disturbed state of Tours, came to swell the ranks of the malcontents. The + Sire Harduin de Maille, an old nobleman, reasoned with the young knights, + who were the champions of the Moorish woman, and argued sagely with them, + asking them if for so small a woman they wished to put Touraine to fire + and sword; that even if they were victorious they would be masters of the + bad characters brought together by them; that these said freebooters, + after having sacked the castles of their enemies, would turn to those of + their chiefs. That the rebellion commenced had had no success in the first + attack, because up to that time the place was untouched, could they have + any over the church, which would invoke the aid of the king? And a + thousand other arguments. To these reasons the young knights replied, that + it was easy for the Chapter to aid the girl’s escape in the night, and + that thus the cause of the sedition would be removed. To this humane and + wise requests replied Monseigneur de Censoris, the Pope’s legate, that it + was necessary that strength should remain with the religion of the Church. + And thereupon the poor wench payed for all, since it was agreed that no + inquiry should be made concerning this sedition. + </p> + <p> + “Then the Chapter had full licence to proceed to the penance of the girl, + to which act and ecclesiastical ceremony the people came from twelve + leagues around. So that on the day when, after divine satisfaction, the + Succubus was to be delivered up to secular justice, in order to be + publicly burnt at a stake, not for a gold pound would a lord or even an + abbott have been found lodging in the town of Tours. The night before many + camped outside the town in tents, or slept upon straw. Provisions were + lacking, and many who came with their bellies full, returned with their + bellies empty, having seen nothing but the reflection of the fire in the + distance. And the bad characters did good strokes of business by the way. + </p> + <p> + “The poor courtesan was half dead; her hair had whitened. She was, to tell + the truth, nothing but a skeleton, scarcely covered with flesh, and her + chains weighed more than she did. If she had had joy in her life, she paid + dearly for it at this moment. Those who saw her pass say that she wept and + shrieked in a way that should have earned the pity of her hardest + pursuers; and in the church there were compelled to put a piece of wood in + her mouth, which she bit as a lizard bites a stick. Then the executioner + tied her to a stake to sustain her, since she let herself roll at times + and fell for want of strength. Then she suddenly recovered a vigorous + handful, because, this notwithstanding, she was able, it is said to break + her cords and escape into the church, where in remembrance of her old + vocation, she climbed quickly into galleries above, flying like a bird + along the little columns and small friezes. She was about to escape on to + the roof when a soldier perceived her, and thrust his spear in the sole of + her foot. In spite of her foot half cut through, the poor girl still ran + along the church without noticing it, going along with her bones broken + and her blood gushing out, so great fear had she of the flames of the + stake. At last she was taken and bound, thrown into a tumbrel and led to + the stake, without being afterwards heard to utter a cry. The account of + her flight in the church assisted in making the common people believe that + she was the devil, and some of them said that she had flown in the air. As + soon as the executioner of the town threw her into the flames, she made + two or three horrible leaps and fell down into the bottom of the pile, + which burned day and night. On the following evening I went to see if + anything remained of this gentle girl, so sweet, so loving, but I found + nothing but a fragment of the ‘os stomachal,’ in which, is spite of this, + there still remained some moisture, and which some say still trembled like + a woman does in the same place. It is impossible to tell, my dear son, the + sadnesses, without number and without equal, which for about ten years + weighed upon me; always was I thinking of this angel burnt by wicked men, + and always I beheld her with her eyes full of love. In short the + supernatural gifts of this artless child were shining day and night before + me, and I prayed for her in the church, where she had been martyred. At + length I had neither the strength nor the courage to look without + trembling upon the grand penitentiary Jehan de la Haye, who died eaten up + by lice. Leprosy was his punishment. Fire burned his house and his wife; + and all those who had a hand in the burning had their own hands singed. + </p> + <p> + “This, my well-beloved son, was the cause of a thousand ideas, which I + have here put into writing to be forever the rule of conduct in our + family. + </p> + <p> + “I quitted the service of the church, and espoused your mother, from whom + I received infinite blessings, and with whom I shared my life, my goods, + my soul, and all. And she agreed with me in following precepts —Firstly, + that to live happily, it is necessary to keep far away from church people, + to honour them much without giving them leave to enter your house, any + more than to those who by right, just or unjust, are supposed to be + superior to us. Secondly, to take a modest condition, and to keep oneself + in it without wishing to appear in any way rich. To have a care to excite + no envy, nor strike any onesoever in any manner, because it is needful to + be as strong as an oak, which kills the plants at its feet, to crush + envious heads, and even then would one succumb, since human oaks are + especially rare and that no Tournebouche should flatter himself that he is + one, granting that he be a Tournebouche. Thirdly, never to spend more than + one quarter of one’s income, conceal one’s wealth, hide one’s goods and + chattels, to undertake no office, to go to church like other people, and + always keep one’s thoughts to oneself, seeing that they belong to you and + not to others, who twist them about, turn them after their own fashion, + and make calumnies therefrom. Fourthly, always to remain in the condition + of the Tournebouches, who are now and forever drapers. To marry your + daughters to good drapers, send your sons to be drapers in other towns of + France furnished with these wise precepts, and to bring them up to the + honour of drapery, and without leaving any dream of ambition in their + minds. A draper like a Tournebouche should be their glory, their arms, + their name, their motto, their life. Thus by being always drapers, they + will be always Tournebouches, and rub on like the good little insects, + who, once lodged in the beam, made their dens, and go on with security to + the end of their ball of thread. Fifthly never to speak any other language + than that of drapery, and never to dispute concerning religion or + government. And even though the government of the state, the province, + religion, and God turn about, or have a fancy to go to the right or to the + left, always in your quality of Tournebouche, stick to your cloth. Thus + unnoticed by the others of the town, the Tournebouches will live in peace + with their little Tournebouches—paying the tithes and taxes, and all + that they are required by force to give, be it to God, or to the king, to + the town of to the parish, with all of whom it is unwise to struggle. Also + it is necessary to keep the patrimonial treasure, to have peace and to buy + peace, never to owe anything, to have corn in the house, and enjoy + yourselves with the doors and windows shut. + </p> + <p> + “By this means none will take from the Tournebouches, neither the state, + nor the Church, nor the Lords, to whom should the case be that force is + employed, you will lend a few crowns without cherishing the idea of ever + seeing him again—I mean the crowns. + </p> + <p> + “Thus, in all seasons people will love the Tournebouches, will mock the + Tournebouches as poor people—as the slow Tournebouches, as + Tournebouches of no understanding. Let the know-nothings say on. The + Tournebouches will neither be burned nor hanged, to the advantage of King + or Church, or other people; and the wise Tournebouches will have secretly + money in their pockets, and joy in their houses, hidden from all. + </p> + <p> + “Now, my dear son, follow this the counsel of a modest and middle-class + life. Maintain this in thy family as a county charter; and when you die, + let your successor maintain it as the sacred gospel of the Tournebouches, + until God wills it that there be no longer Tournebouches in this world.” + </p> + <p> + This letter has been found at the time of the inventory made in the house + of Francois Tournebouche, lord of Veretz, chancellor to Monseigneur the + Dauphin, and condemned at the time of the rebellion of the said lord + against the King to lose his head, and have all his goods confiscated by + order of the Parliament of Paris. The said letter has been handed to the + Governor of Touraine as an historical curiosity, and joined to the pieces + of the process in the archbishopric of Tours, by me, Pierre Gaultier, + Sheriff, President of the Trades Council. + </p> + <p> + The author having finished the transcription and deciphering of these + parchments, translating them from their strange language into French, the + donor of them declared that the Rue Chaude at Tours was so called, + according to certain people, because the sun remained there longer than in + all other parts. But in spite of this version, people of lofty + understanding will find, in the warm way of the said Succubus, the real + origin of the said name. In which acquiesces the author. This teaches us + not to abuse our body, but use it wisely in view of our salvation. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0031" id="link2H_4_0031"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + DESPAIR IN LOVE + </h2> + <p> + At the time when King Charles the Eighth took it into his head to decorate + the castle of Amboise, they came with him certain workmen, master + sculptors, good painters, and masons, or architects, who ornamented the + galleries with splendid works, which, through neglect, have since been + much spoiled. + </p> + <p> + At that time the court was staying in this beautiful locality, and, as + everyone knows, the king took great pleasure in watching his people work + out their ideas. Among these foreign gentlemen was an Italian, named + Angelo Cappara, a most worthy young man, and, in spite of his age, a + better sculptor and engraver than any of them; and it astonished many to + see one in the April of his life so clever. Indeed, there had scarcely + sprouted upon his visage the hair which imprints upon a man virile + majesty. To this Angelo the ladies took a great fancy because he was + charming as a dream, and as melancholy as a dove left solitary in its nest + by the death of its mate. And this was the reason thereof: this sculptor + knew the curse of poverty, which mars and troubles all the actions of + life; he lived miserably, eating little, ashamed of his pennilessness, and + made use of his talents only through great despair, wishing by any means + to win that idle life which is the best all for those whose minds are + occupied. The Florentine, out of bravado, came to the court gallantly + attired, and from the timidity of youth and misfortune dared not ask his + money from the king, who, seeing him thus dressed, believed him well with + everything. The courtiers and the ladies used all to admire his beautiful + works, and also their author; but of money he got none. All, and the + ladies above all, finding him rich by nature, esteemed him well off with + his youth, his long black hair, and bright eyes, and did not give a + thought to lucre, while thinking of these things and the rest. Indeed they + were quite right, since these advantages gave to many a rascal of the + court, lands, money and all. In spite of his youthful appearance, Master + Angelo was twenty years of age, and no fool, had a large heart, a head + full of poetry; and more than that, was a man of lofty imaginings. But + although he had little confidence in himself, like all poor and + unfortunate people, he was astonished at the success of the ignorant. He + fancied that he was ill-fashioned, either in body or mind, and kept his + thoughts to himself. I am wrong, for he told them in the clear starlight + nights to the shadows, to God, to the devil, and everything about him. At + such times he would lament his fate in having a heart so warm, that + doubtless the ladies avoided him as they would a red-hot iron; then he + would say to himself how he would worship a beautiful mistress, how all + his life long he would honour her, and with what fidelity he would attach + himself to her, with what affection serve her, how studiously obey her + commands, with what sports he would dispel the light clouds of her + melancholy sadness on the days when the skies should be overcast. + Fashioning himself one out of his imagination, he would throw himself at + her feet, kiss, fondle, caress, bite, and clasp her with as much reality + as a prisoner scampers over the grass when he sees the green fields + through the bars of his cell. Thus he would appeal to her mercy; overcome + with his feelings, would stop her breath with his embraces, would become + daring in spite of his respect, and passionately bite the clothes of his + bed, seeking this celestial lady, full of courage when by himself, but + abashed on the morrow if he passed one by. Nevertheless, inflamed by these + amorous advances, he would hammer way anew at his marble figures, would + carve beautiful breasts, to bring the water into one’s mouth at the sight + of those sweet fruits of love, without counting the other things that he + raised, carved, and caressed with the chisels, smoothed down with his + file, and fashioned in a manner that would make their use intelligible to + the mind of a greenhorn, and stain his verdure in a single day. The ladies + would criticise these beauties, and all of them were smitten with the + youthful Cappara. And the youthful Cappara would eye them up and down, + swearing that the day one of them gave him her little finger to kiss, he + would have his desire. + </p> + <p> + Among these high-born ladies there came one day one by herself to the + young Florentine, asking him why he was so shy, and if none of the court + ladies could make him sociable. Then she graciously invited him to come to + her house that evening. + </p> + <p> + Master Angelo perfumes himself, purchases a velvet mantle with a double + fringe of satin, borrows from a friend a cloak with wide sleeves, a + slashed doublet, and silken hose, arrives at the house, and ascends the + stairs with hasty feet, hope beaming from his eyes, knowing not what to do + with his heart, which leaped and bounded like a goat; and, to sum up, so + much over head and ears in love, that the perspiration trickled down his + back. + </p> + <p> + You may be sure the lady was a beautiful, and Master Cappara was the more + aware of it, since in his profession he had studied the mouldings of the + arms, the lines of the body, the secret surroundings of the sex, and other + mysteries. Now this lady satisfied the especial rules of art; and besides + being fair and slender, she had a voice to disturb life in its source, to + stir fire of a heart, brain, and everything; in short, she put into one’s + imagination delicious images of love without thinking of it, which is the + characteristic of these cursed women. + </p> + <p> + The sculptor found her seated by the fire in a high chair, and the lady + immediately commenced to converse at her ease, although Angelo could find + no other replies than “Yes” and “No,” could get no other words from his + throat nor idea in his brain, and would have beaten his head against the + fireplace but for the happiness of gazing at and listening to his lovely + mistress, who was playing there like a young fly in the sunshine. Because, + which this mute admiration, both remained until the middle of the night, + wandering slowly down the flowery path of love, the good sculptor went + away radiant with happiness. On the road, he concluded in his own mind, + that if a noble lady kept him rather close to her skirts during four hours + of the night, it would not matter a straw if she kept him there the + remainder. Drawing from these premises certain corollaries, he resolved to + ask her favours as a simple woman. Then he determined to kill everybody—the + husband, the wife, or himself—rather than lose the distaff whereon + to spin one hour of joy. Indeed, he was so mad with love, that he believed + life to be but a small stake in the game of love, since one single day of + it was worth a thousand lives. + </p> + <p> + The Florentine chiselled away at his statues, thinking of his evening, and + thus spoiled many a nose thinking of something else. Noticing this, he + left his work, perfumed himself, and went to listen to the sweet words of + his lady, with the hope of turning them into deeds; but when he was in the + presence of his sovereign, her feminine majesty made itself felt, and poor + Cappara, such a lion in street, looked sheepish when gazing at his victim. + This notwithstanding, towards the hour when desire becomes heated, he was + almost in the lady’s lap and held her tightly clasped. He had obtained a + kiss, had taken it, much to his delight; for, when they give it, the + ladies retain the right of refusal, but when they left it to be taken, the + lover may take a thousand. This is the reason why all of them are + accustomed to let it be taken. The Florentine has stolen a great number, + and things were going on admirably, when the lady, who had been thrifty + with her favours, cried, “My husband!” + </p> + <p> + And, in fact, my lord had just returned from playing tennis, and the + sculptor had to leave the place, but not without receiving a warm glance + from the lady interrupted in her pleasure. This was all his substance, + pittance and enjoyment during a whole month, since on the brink of his joy + always came the said husband, and he always arrived wisely between a + point-blank refusal and those little sweet caresses with which women + always season their refusals—little things which reanimate love and + render it all the stronger. And when the sculptor, out of patience, + commenced, immediately upon his arrival, the skirmish of the skirt, in + order that victory might arrive before the husband, to whom, no doubt, + these disturbances were not without profit, his fine lady, seeing desire + written in the eyes of her sculptor, commenced endless quarrels and + altercations; at first she pretended to be jealous in order to rail + against love; then appeased the anger of the little one with the moisture + of a kiss, then kept the conversation to herself, and kept on saying that + her lover should be good, obedient to her will, otherwise she would not + yield to him her life and soul; that a desire was a small thing to offer a + mistress; that she was more courageous, because loving more she sacrificed + more, and to his propositions she would exclaim, “Silence, sir!” with the + air of a queen, and at times she would put on an angry look, to reply to + the reproachs of Cappara: “If you are not as I wish you to be, I will no + longer love you.” + </p> + <p> + The poor Italian saw, when it was too late, that this was not a noble + love, one of those which does not mete out joy as a miser his crowns; and + that this lady took delight in letting him jump about outside the hedge + and be master of everything, provided he touched not the garden of love. + At this business Cappara became a savage enough to kill anyone, and took + with him trusty companions, his friends, to whom he gave the task of + attacking the husband while walking home to bed after his game of tennis + with the king. He came to his lady at the accustomed hour when the sweet + sports of love were in full swing, which sports were long, lasting kisses, + hair twisted and untwisted, hand bitten with passion, ears as well; + indeed, the whole business, with the exception of that especial thing + which good authors rightly find abominable. The Florentine exclaims + between two hearty kisses— + </p> + <p> + “Sweet one, do you love me more than anything?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said she, because words never cost anything. + </p> + <p> + “Well then,” replied the lover, “be mine in deed as in word.” + </p> + <p> + “But,” said she, “my husband will be here directly.” + </p> + <p> + “Is that the only reason?” said he. + </p> + <p> + “Yes.” + </p> + <p> + “I have friends who will cross him, and will not let him go unless I show + a torch at this window. If he complain to the king, my friends will say, + they thought they were playing a joke on one of their own set.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah, my dear,” said she, “let me see if everyone in the house is gone to + bed.” + </p> + <p> + She rose, and held the light to the window. Seeing which Cappara blew out + the candle, seized his sword, and placing himself in front of the woman, + whose scorn and evil mind he recognised. + </p> + <p> + “I will not kill you, madame,” said he, “but I will mark your face in such + a manner you will never again coquette with young lovers whose lives you + waste. You have deceived me shamefully, and are not a respectable woman. + You must know that a kiss will never sustain life in a true lover, and + that a kissed mouth needs the rest. Your have made my life forever dull + and wretched; now I will make you remember forever my death, which you + have caused. You shall never again behold yourself in a glass without + seeing there my face also.” Then he raised his arm, and held the sword + ready to cut off a good slice of the fresh fair cheek, where still all the + traces of his kiss remained. And the lady exclaimed, “You wretch!” + </p> + <p> + “Hold your tongue,” said he; “you told me that you loved me better than + anything. Now you say otherwise; each evening have you raised me a little + nearer to heaven; with one blow you cast me into hell, and you think that + your petticoat can save you from a lover’s wrath—No!” + </p> + <p> + “Ah, my Angelo! I am thine,” said she, marvelling at this man glaring with + rage. + </p> + <p> + But he, stepping three paces back, replied, “Ah, woman of the court and + wicked heart, thou lovest, then, thy face better than thy lover.” + </p> + <p> + She turned pale, and humbly held up her face, for she understood that at + this moment her past perfidy wronged her present love. With a single blow + Angelo slashed her face, then left her house, and quitted the country. The + husband not having been stopped by reason of that light which was seen by + the Florentines, found his wife minus her left cheek. But she spoke not a + word in spite of her agony; she loved her Cappara more than life itself. + Nevertheless, the husband wished to know whence preceded this wound. No + one having been there except the Florentine, he complained to the king, + who had his workman hastily pursued, and ordered him to be hanged at + Blois. On the day of execution a noble lady was seized with a desire to + save this courageous man, whom she believed to be a lover of the right + sort. She begged the king to give him to her, which he did willingly. But + Cappara declaring that he belonged entirely to his lady, the memory of + whom he could not banish entirely, entered the Church, became a cardinal + and a great savant, and used to say in his old age that he had existed + upon the remembrance of the joys tasted in those poor hours of anguish; in + which he was, at the same time, both very well and very badly treated by + his lady. There are authors saying afterwards he succeeded better with his + old sweetheart, whose cheek healed; but I cannot believe this, because he + was a man of heart, who had a high opinion of the holy joys of love. + </p> + <p> + This teaches us nothing worth knowing, unless it be that there are unlucky + meetings in life, since this tale is in every way true. If in other places + the author has overshot the truth, this one will gain for him the + indulgence of the conclave or lovers. + </p> + <h2> + EPILOGUE + </h2> + <p> + This second series comes in the merry month of June, when all is green and + gay, because the poor muse, whose slave the author is, has been more + capricious then the love of a queen, and has mysteriously wished to bring + forth her fruit in the time of flowers. No one can boast himself master of + this fay. At times, when grave thoughts occupy the mind and grieve the + brain, comes the jade whispering her merry tales in the author’s ear, + tickling her lips with her feathers, dancing sarabands, and making the + house echo with her laughter. If by chance the writer, abandoning science + for pleasure, says to her, “Wait a moment, little one, till I come,” and + runs in great haste to play with the madcap, she has disappeared. She has + gone into her hole, hides herself there, rolls herself up, and retires. + Take the poker, take a staff, a cudgel, a cane, raise them, strike the + wench, and rave at her, she moans; strap her, she moans; caress her, + fondle her, she moans; kiss her, say to her, “Here, little one,” she + moans. Now she’s cold, now she is going to die; adieu to love, adieu to + laughter, adieu to merriment, adieu to good stories. Wear mourning for + her, weep and fancy her dead, groan. Then she raises her head, her merry + laugh rings out again; she spreads her white wings, flies one knows not + wither, turns in the air, capers, shows her impish tail, her woman’s + breasts, her strong loins, and her angelic face, shakes her perfumed + tresses, gambols in the rays of the sun, shines forth in all her beauty, + changes her colours like the breast of a dove, laughs until she cries, + cast the tears of her eyes into the sea, where the fishermen find them + transmuted into pretty pearls, which are gathered to adorn the foreheads + of queens. She twists about like a colt broken loose, exposing her virgin + charms, and a thousand things so fair that a pope would peril his + salvation for her at the mere sight of them. During these wild pranks of + the ungovernable beast you meet fools and friends, who say to the poor + poet, “Where are your tales? Where are your new volumes? You are a pagan + prognosticator. Oh yes, you are known. You go to fetes and feasts, and do + nothing between your meals. Where’s your work?” + </p> + <p> + Although I am by nature partial to kindness, I should like to see one of + these people impaled in the Turkish fashion, and thus equipped, sent on + the Love Chase. Here endeth the second series; make the devil give it a + lift with his horns, and it will be well received by a smiling + Christendom. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0033" id="link2H_4_0033"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + VOLUME III + </h2> + <p> + <br /><br /><br /> + </p> + <h2> + THE THIRD TEN TALES + </h2> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + PROLOGUE + </h2> + <p> + Certain persons have interrogated the author as to why there was such a + demand for these tales that no year passes without his giving an + instalment of them, and why he has lately taken to writing commas mixed up + with bad syllables, at which the ladies publicly knit their brows, and + have put to him other questions of a like character. + </p> + <p> + The author declares that these treacherous words, cast like pebbles in his + path, have touched him in the very depths of his heart, and he is + sufficiently cognisant of his duty not to fail to give to his special + audience in this prologue certain reasons other than the preceding ones, + because it is always necessary to reason with children until they are + grown up, understand things, and hold their tongues; and because he + perceives many mischievous fellows among the crowd of noisy people, who + ignore at pleasure the real object of these volumes. + </p> + <p> + In the first place know, that if certain virtuous ladies—I say + virtuous because common and low class women do not read these stories, + preferring those that are never published; on the contrary, other + citizens’ wives and ladies, of high respectability and godliness, although + doubtless disgusted with the subject-matter, read them piously to satisfy + an evil spirit, and thus keep themselves virtuous. Do you understand, my + good reapers of horns? It is better to be deceived by the tale of a book + than cuckolded through the story of a gentleman. You are saved the damage + by this, poor fools! besides which, often your lady becomes enamoured, is + seized with fecund agitations to your advantage, raised in her by the + present book. Therefore do these volumes assist to populate the land and + maintain it in mirth, honour and health. I say mirth, because much is to + be derived from these tales. I say honour, because you save your nest from + the claws of that youthful demon named cuckoldom in the language of the + Celts. I say health, because this book incites that which was prescribed + by the Church of Salerno, for the avoidance of cerebral plethora. Can you + derive a like proof in any other typographically blackened portfolios? Ha! + ha! where are the books that make children? Think! Nowhere. But you will + find a glut of children making books which beget nothing but weariness. + </p> + <p> + But to continue. Now be it known that when ladies, of a virtuous nature + and a talkative turn of mind, converse publicly on the subject of these + volumes, a great number of them, far from reprimanding the author, confess + that they like him very much, esteem him a valiant man, worthy to be a + monk in the Abbey of Theleme. For as many reasons as there are stars in + the heavens, he does not drop the style which he has adopted in these said + tales, but lets himself be vituperated, and keeps steadily on his way, + because noble France is a woman who refuses to yield, crying, twisting + about, and saying, + </p> + <p> + “No, no, never! Oh, sir, what are you going to do? I won’t let you; you’d + rumple me.” + </p> + <p> + And when the volume is done and finished, all smiles, she exclaims, + </p> + <p> + “Oh, master, are there any more to come?” + </p> + <p> + You may take it for granted that the author is a merry fellow, who + troubles himself little about the cries, tears and tricks of the lady you + call glory, fashion, or public favour, for he knows her to be a wanton who + would put up with any violence. He knows that in France her war-cry is <i>Mount + Joy</i>! A fine cry indeed, but one which certain writers have disfigured, + and which signifies, “Joy it is not of the earth, it is there; seize it, + otherwise good-bye.” The author has this interpretation from Rabelais, who + told it to him. If you search history, has France ever breathed a word + when she was joyous mounted, bravely mounted, passionately mounted, + mounted and out of breath? She goes furiously at everything, and likes + this exercise better than drinking. Now, do you not see that these volumes + are French, joyfully French, wildly French, French before, French behind, + French to the backbone. Back then, curs! strike up the music; silence, + bigots! advance my merry wags, my little pages, put your soft hands into + the ladies’ hands and tickle them in the middle—of the hand of + course. Ha! ha! these are high sounding and peripatetic reasons, or the + author knows nothing of sound and the philosophy of Aristotle. He has on + his side the crown of France and the oriflamme of the king and Monsieur + St. Denis, who, having lost his head, said “Mount-my-Joy!” Do you mean to + say, you quadrupeds, that the word is wrong? No. It was certainly heard by + a great many people at the time; but in these days of deep wretchedness + you believe nothing concerning the good old saints. + </p> + <p> + The author has not finished yet. Know all ye who read these tales with eye + and hand, feel them in the head alone, and love them for the joy they + bring you, and which goes to your heart, know that the author having in an + evil hour let his ideas, <i>id est</i>, his inheritance, go astray, and + being unable to get them together again, found himself in a state of + mental nudity. Then he cried like the woodcutter in the prologue of the + book of his dear master Rabelais, in order to make himself heard by the + gentleman on high, Lord Paramount of all things, and obtain from Him fresh + ideas. This said Most High, still busy with the congress of the time, + threw to him through Mercury an inkstand with two cups, on which was + engraved, after the manner of a motto, these three letters, <i>Ave</i>. + Then the poor fellow, perceiving no other help, took great care to turn + over this said inkstand to find out the hidden meaning of it, thinking + over the mysterious words and trying to find a key to them. First, he saw + that God was polite, like the great Lord as He is, because the world is + His, and He holds the title of it from no one. But since, in thinking over + the days of his youth, he remembered no great service rendered to God, the + author was in doubt concerning this hollow civility, and pondered long + without finding out the real substance of the celestial utensil. By reason + of turning it and twisting it about, studying it, looking at it, feeling + it, emptying it, knocking it in an interrogatory manner, smacking it down, + standing it up straight, standing it on one side, and turning it upside + down, he read backwards <i>Eva</i>. Who is <i>Eva</i>, if not all women in + one? Therefore by the Voice Divine was it said to the author: + </p> + <p> + Think of women; woman will heal thy wound, stop the waste-hole in thy bag + of tricks. Woman is thy wealth; have but one woman, dress, undress, and + fondle that women, make use of the woman—woman is everything—woman + has an inkstand of her own; dip thy pen in that bottomless inkpot. Women + like love; make love to her with the pen only, tickle her phantasies, and + sketch merrily for her a thousand pictures of love in a thousand pretty + ways. Woman is generous, and all for one, or one for all, must pay the + painter, and furnish the hairs of the brush. Now, muse upon that which is + written here. <i>Ave</i>, Hail, <i>Eva</i>, woman; or <i>Eva</i>, woman, + <i>Ave</i>, Hail. Yes, she makes and unmakes. Heigh, then, for the + inkstand! What does woman like best? What does she desire? All the special + things of love; and woman is right. To have children, to produce an + imitation, of nature, which is always in labour. Come to me, then, woman!—come + to me, Eva! + </p> + <p> + With this the author began to dip into that fertile inkpot, where there + was a brain-fluid, concocted by virtues from on high in a talismanic + fashion. From one cup there came serious things, which wrote themselves in + brown ink; and from the other trifling things, which merely gave a roseate + hue to the pages of the manuscript. The poor author has often, from + carelessness, mixed the inks, now here, now there; but as soon as the + heavy sentences, difficult to smooth, polish, and brighten up, of some + work suitable to the taste of the day are finished, the author, eager to + amuse himself, in spite of the small amount of merry ink remaining in the + left cup, steals and bears eagerly therefrom a few penfuls with great + delight. These said penfuls are, indeed, these same Droll Tales, the + authority on which is above suspicion, because it flows from a divine + source, as is shown in this the author’s naive confession. + </p> + <p> + Certain evil-disposed people will still cry out at this; but can you find + a man perfectly contented on this lump of mud? Is it not a shame? In this + the author has wisely comported himself in imitation of a higher power; + and he proves it by <i>atqui</i>. Listen. Is it not most clearly + demonstrated to the learned that the sovereign Lord of worlds has made an + infinite number of heavy, weighty, and serious machines with great wheels, + large chains, terrible notches, and frightfully complicated screws and + weights like the roasting jack, but also has amused Himself with little + trifles and grotesque things light as zephyrs, and has made also naive and + pleasant creations, at which you laugh directly you see them? Is it not + so? Then in all eccentric works, such as the very spacious edifice + undertaken by the author, in order to model himself upon the laws of the + above-named Lord, it is necessary to fashion certain delicate flowers, + pleasant insects, fine dragons well twisted, imbricated, and coloured—nay, + even gilt, although he is often short of gold—and throw them at the + feet of his snow-clad mountains, piles of rocks, and other cloud-capped + philosophers, long and terrible works, marble columns, real thoughts + carved in porphyry. + </p> + <p> + Ah! unclean beasts, who despise and repudiate the figures, phantasies, + harmonies, and roulades of the fair muse of drollery, will you not pare + your claws, so that you may never again scratch her white skin, all azure + with veins, her amorous reins, her flanks of surpassing elegance, her feet + that stay modestly in bed, her satin face, her lustrous features, her + heart devoid of bitterness? Ah! wooden-heads, what will you say when you + find that this merry lass springs from the heart of France, agrees with + all that is womanly in nature, has been saluted with a polite <i>Ave</i>! + by the angels in the person of their spokesman, Mercury, and finally, is + the clearest quintessence of Art. In this work are to be met with + necessity, virtue, whim, the desire of a woman, the votive offering of a + stout Pantagruelist, all are here. Hold your peace, then, drink to the + author, and let his inkstand with the double cup endow the Gay Science + with a hundred glorious Droll Tales. + </p> + <p> + Stand back then, curs; strike up the music! Silence, bigots; out of the + way, dunces! step forward my merry wags!—my little pages! give your + soft hand to the ladies, and tickle theirs in the centre in a pretty + manner, saying to them, “Read to laugh.” Afterwards you can tell them some + mere jest to make them roar, since when they are laughing their lips are + apart, and they make but a faint resistance to love. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0037" id="link2H_4_0037"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + PERSEVERANCE IN LOVE + </h2> + <p> + During the first years of the thirteenth century after the coming of our + Divine Saviour there happened in the City of Paris an amorous adventure, + through the deed of a man of Tours, of which the town and even the king’s + court was never tired of speaking. As to the clergy, you will see by that + which is related the part they played in this history, the testimony of + which was by them preserved. This said man, called the Touranian by the + common people, because he had been born in our merry Touraine, had for his + true name that of Anseau. In his latter days the good man returned into + his own country and was mayor of St. Martin, according to the chronicles + of the abbey of that town; but at Paris he was a great silversmith. + </p> + <p> + But now in his prime, by his great honesty, his labours, and so forth, he + became a citizen of Paris and subject of the king, whose protection he + bought, according to the custom of the period. He had a house built for + him free of all quit-rent, close the Church of St. Leu, in the Rue St. + Denis, where his forge was well-known by those in want of fine jewels. + Although he was a Touranian, and had plenty of spirit and animation, he + kept himself virtuous as a true saint, in spite of the blandishments of + the city, and had passed the days of his green season without once + dragging his good name through the mire. Many will say this passes the + bounds of that faculty of belief which God has placed in us to aid that + faith due to the mysteries of our holy religion; so it is needful to + demonstrate abundantly the secret cause of this silversmith’s chastity. + And, first remember that he came into the town on foot, poor as Job, + according to the old saying; and unlike all the inhabitants of our part of + the country, who have but one passion, he had a character of iron, and + persevered in the path he had chosen as steadily as a monk in vengeance. + As a workman, he laboured from morn to night; become a master, he laboured + still, always learning new secrets, seeking new receipts, and in seeking, + meeting with inventions of all kinds. Late idlers, watchmen, and vagrants + saw always a modest lamp shining through the silversmith’s window, and the + good man tapping, sculpting, rounding, distilling, modeling, and + finishing, with his apprentices, his door closed and his ears open. + Poverty engendered hard work, hard work engendered his wonderful virtue, + and his virtue engendered his great wealth. Take this to heart, ye + children of Cain who eat doubloons and micturate water. If the good + silversmith felt himself possessed with wild desires, which now in one + way, now another, seize upon an unhappy bachelor when the devil tries to + get hold of him, making the sign of the cross, the Touranian hammered away + at his metal, drove out the rebellious spirits from his brain by bending + down over the exquisite works of art, little engravings, figures of gold + and silver forms, with which he appeased the anger of his Venus. Add to + this that this Touranian was an artless man, of simple understanding, + fearing God above all things, then robbers, next to that of nobles, and + more than all, a disturbance. Although if he had two hands, he never did + more than one thing at a time. His voice was as gentle as that of a + bridegroom before marriage. Although the clergy, the military, and others + gave him no reputation for knowledge, he knew well his mother’s Latin, and + spoke it correctly without waiting to be asked. Latterly the Parisians had + taught him to walk uprightly, not to beat the bush for others, to measure + his passions by the rule of his revenues, not to let them take his leather + to make other’s shoes, to trust no one farther then he could see them, + never to say what he did, and always to do what he said; never to spill + anything but water; to have a better memory than flies usually have; to + keep his hands to himself, to do the same with his purse; to avoid a crowd + at the corner of a street, and sell his jewels for more than they cost + him; all things, the sage observance of which gave him as much wisdom as + he had need of to do business comfortably and pleasantly. And so he did, + without troubling anyone else. And watching this good little man + unobserved, many said, + </p> + <p> + “By my faith, I should like to be this jeweller, even were I obliged to + splash myself up to the eyes with the mud of Paris during a hundred years + for it.” + </p> + <p> + They might just as well have wished to be king of France, seeing that the + silversmith had great powerful nervous arms, so wonderfully strong that + when he closed his fist the cleverest trick of the roughest fellow could + not open it; from which you may be sure that whatever he got hold of he + stuck to. More than this, he had teeth fit to masticate iron, a stomach to + dissolve it, a duodenum to digest it, a sphincter to let it out again + without tearing, and shoulders that would bear a universe upon them, like + that pagan gentleman to whom the job was confided, and whom the timely + arrival of Jesus Christ discharged from the duty. He was, in fact, a man + made with one stroke, and they are the best, for those who have to be + touched are worth nothing, being patched up and finished at odd times. In + short, Master Anseau was a thorough man, with a lion’s face, and under his + eyebrows a glance that would melt his gold if the fire of his forge had + gone out, but a limpid water placed in his eyes by the great Moderator of + all things tempered this great ardour, without which he would have burnt + up everything. Was he not a splendid specimen of a man? + </p> + <p> + With such a sample of his cardinal virtues, some persist in asking why the + good silversmith remained as unmarried as an oyster, seeing that these + properties of nature are of good use in all places. But these opinionated + critics, do they know what it is to love? Ho! Ho! Easy! The vocation of a + lover is to go, to come, to listen, to watch, to hold his tongue, to talk, + to stick in a corner, to make himself big, to make himself little, to + agree, to play music, to drudge, to go to the devil wherever he may be, to + count the gray peas in the dovecote, to find flowers under the snow, to + say paternosters to the moon, to pat the cat and pat the dog, to salute + the friends, to flatter the gout, or the cold of the aunt, to say to her + at opportune moments “You have good looks, and will yet write the epitaph + of the human race.” To please all the relations, to tread on no one’s + corns, to break no glasses, to waste no breath, to talk nonsense, to hold + ice in his hand, to say, “This is good!” or, “Really, madam, you are very + beautiful so.” And to vary that in a hundred different ways. To keep + himself cool, to bear himself like a nobleman, to have a free tongue and a + modest one, to endure with a smile all the evils the devil may invent on + his behalf, to smother his anger, to hold nature in control, to have the + finger of God, and the tail of the devil, to reward the mother, the + cousin, the servant; in fact, to put a good face on everything. In default + of which the female escapes and leaves you in a fix, without giving a + single Christian reason. In fact, the lover of the most gentle maid that + God ever created in a good-tempered moment, had he talked like a book, + jumped like a flea, turned about like dice, played like King David, and + built for the aforesaid woman the Corinthian order of the columns of the + devil, if he failed in the essential and hidden thing which pleases his + lady above all others, which often she does not know herself and which he + has need to know, the lass leaves him like a red leper. She is quite + right. No one can blame her for so doing. When this happens some men + become ill-tempered, cross, and more wretched than you can possibly + imagine. Have not many of them killed themselves through this petticoat + tyranny? In this matter the man distinguishes himself from the beast, + seeing that no animal ever yet lost his senses through blighted love, + which proves abundantly that animals have no souls. The employment of a + lover is that of a mountebank, of a soldier, of a quack, of a buffoon, of + a prince, of a ninny, of a king, of an idler, of a monk, of a dupe, of a + blackguard, of a liar, of a braggart, of a sycophant, of a numskull, of a + frivolous fool, of a blockhead, of a know-nothing, of a knave. An + employment from which Jesus abstained, in imitation of whom folks of great + understanding likewise disdain it; it is a vocation in which a man of + worth is required to spend above all things, his time, his life, his + blood, his best words, besides his heart, his soul, and his brain; things + to which the women are cruelly partial, because directly their tongues + begin to go, they say among themselves that if they have not the whole of + a man they have none of him. Be sure, also, that there are cats, who, + knitting their eyebrows, complain that a man does but a hundred things for + them, for the purpose of finding out if there be a hundred, at first + seeing that in everything they desire the most thorough spirit of conquest + and tyranny. And this high jurisprudence has always flourished among the + customs of Paris, where the women receive more wit at their baptism than + in any other place in the world, and thus are mischievous by birth. + </p> + <p> + But our silversmith, always busy at his work, burnishing gold and melting + silver, had no time to warm his love or to burnish and make shine his + fantasies, nor to show off, gad about, waste his time in mischief, or to + run after she-males. Now seeing that in Paris virgins do not fall into the + beds of young men any more than roast pheasants into the streets, not even + when the young men are royal silversmiths, the Touranian had the advantage + of having, as I have before observed, a continent member in his shirt. + However, the good man could not close his eyes to the advantage of nature + with which were so amply furnished the ladies with whom he dilated upon + the value of his jewels. So it was that, after listening to the gentle + discourse of the ladies, who tried to wheedle and to fondle him to obtain + a favour from him, the good Touranian would return to his home, dreamy as + a poet, wretched as a restless cuckoo, and would say to himself, “I must + take to myself a wife. She would keep the house tidy, keep the plates hot + for me, fold the clothes for me, sew my buttons on, sing merrily about the + house, tease me to do everything according to her taste, would say to me + as they all say to their husbands when they want a jewel, ‘Oh, my own pet, + look at this, is it not pretty?’ And every one in the quarter will think + of my wife and then of me, and say ‘There’s a happy man.’ Then the getting + married, the bridal festivities, to fondle Madame Silversmith, to dress + her superbly, give her a fine gold chain, to worship her from crown to + toe, to give her the whole management of the house, except the cash, to + give her a nice little room upstairs, with good windows, pretty, and hung + around with tapestry, with a wonderful chest in it and a fine large bed, + with twisted columns and curtains of yellow silk. He would buy her + beautiful mirrors, and there would always be a dozen or so of children, + his and hers, when he came home to greet him.” Then wife and children + would vanish into the clouds. He transferred his melancholy imaginings to + fantastic designs, fashioned his amorous thoughts into grotesque jewels + that pleased their buyers well, they not knowing how many wives and + children were lost in the productions of the good man, who, the more + talent he threw into his art, the more disordered he became. Now if God + had not had pity upon him, he would have quitted this world without + knowing what love was, but would have known it in the other without that + metamorphosis of the flesh which spares it, according to Monsieur Plato, a + man of some authority, but who, not being a Christian, was wrong. But, + there! these preparatory digressions are the idle digressions and + fastidious commentaries which certain unbelievers compel a man to wind + about a tale, swaddling clothes about an infant when it should run about + stark naked. May the great devil give them a clyster with his red-hot + three-pronged fork. I am going on with my story now without further + circumlocution. + </p> + <p> + This is what happened to the silversmith in the one-and-fortieth year of + his age. One Sabbath-day while walking on the left bank of the Seine, led + by an idle fancy, he ventured as far as that meadow which has since been + called the Pre-aux-Clercs and which at that time was in the domain of the + abbey of St. Germain, and not in that of the University. There, still + strolling on the Touranian found himself in the open fields, and there met + a poor young girl who, seeing that he was well-dressed, curtsied to him, + saying “Heaven preserve you, monseigneur.” In saying this her voice had + such sympathetic sweetness that the silversmith felt his soul ravished by + this feminine melody, and conceived an affection for the girl, the more so + as, tormented with ideas of marriage as he was, everything was favourable + thereto. Nevertheless, as he had passed the wench by he dared not go back, + because he was as timid as a young maid who would die in her petticoats + rather than raise them for her pleasure. But when he was a bowshot off he + bethought him that he was a man who for ten years had been a master + silversmith, had become a citizen, and was a man of mark, and could look a + woman in the face if his fancy so led him, the more so as his imagination + had great power over him. So he turned suddenly back, as if he had changed + the direction of his stroll, and came upon the girl, who held by an old + cord her poor cow, who was munching grass that had grown on the border of + a ditch at the side of the road. + </p> + <p> + “Ah, my pretty one,” said he, “you are not overburdened with the goods of + this world that you thus work with your hands upon the Lord’s Day. Are you + not afraid of being cast into prison?” + </p> + <p> + “Monseigneur,” replied the maid, casting down her eyes, “I have nothing to + fear, because I belong to the abbey. The Lord Abbot has given me leave to + exercise the cow after vespers.” + </p> + <p> + “You love your cow, then, more than the salvation of your soul?” + </p> + <p> + “Ah, monseigneur, our beast is almost the half of our poor lives.” + </p> + <p> + “I am astonished, my girl, to see you poor and in rags, clothed like a + fagot, running barefoot about the fields on the Sabbath, when you carry + about you more treasures than you could dig up in the grounds of the + abbey. Do not the townspeople pursue, and torment you with love?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, never monseigneur. I belong to the abbey”, replied she, showing the + jeweller a collar on her left arm like those that the beasts of the field + have, but without the little bell, and at the same time casting such a + deplorable glance at our townsman that he was stricken quite sad, for by + the eyes are communicated contagions of the heart when they are strong. + </p> + <p> + “And what does this mean?” he said, wishing to hear all about it. + </p> + <p> + And he touched the collar, upon which was engraved the arms of the abbey + very distinctly, but which he did not wish to see. + </p> + <p> + “Monseigneur, I am the daughter of an homme de corps; thus whoever unites + himself to me by marriage, will become a bondsman, even if he were a + citizen of Paris, and would belong body and goods to the abbey. If he + loved me otherwise, his children would still belong to the domain. For + this reason I am neglected by everyone, abandoned like a poor beast of the + field. But what makes me most unhappy is, that according to the pleasure + of monseigneur the abbot, I shall be coupled at some time with a bondsman. + And if I were less ugly than I am, at the sight of my collar the most + amorous would flee from me as from the black plague.” + </p> + <p> + So saying, she pulled her cow by the cord to make it follow her. + </p> + <p> + “And how old are you?” asked the silversmith. + </p> + <p> + “I do not know, monseigneur; but our master, the abbot, has kept account.” + </p> + <p> + This great misery touched the heart of the good man, who had in his day + eaten the bread of sorrow. He regulated his pace to the girl’s, and they + went together towards the water in painful silence. The good man gazed at + the fine forehead, the round red arms, the queen’s waist, the feet dusty, + but made like those of a Virgin Mary; and the sweet physiognomy of this + girl, who was the living image of St. Genevieve, the patroness of Paris, + and the maidens who live in the fields. And make sure that this Joseph + suspected the pretty white of this sweet girl’s breasts, which were by a + modest grace carefully covered with an old rag, and looked at them as a + schoolboy looks at a rosy apple on a hot day. Also, may you depend upon it + that these little hillocks of nature denoted a wench fashioned with + delicious perfection, like everything that the monks possess. Now, the + more it was forbidden our silversmith to touch them, the more his mouth + watered for these fruits of love. And his heart leaped almost into his + mouth. + </p> + <p> + “You have a fine cow,” said he. + </p> + <p> + “Would you like a little milk?” replied she. “It is so warm these early + days of May. You are far from the town.” + </p> + <p> + In truth, the sky was a cloudless blue, and glared like a forge. + Everything was radiant with youth, the leaves, the air, the girls, the + lads; everything was burning, was green, and smelt like balm. This naive + offer, made without the hope of recompense, though a byzant would not have + paid for the special grace of this speech; and the modesty of the gesture + with which the poor girl turned to him gained the heart of the jeweller, + who would have liked to be able to put this bondswoman into the skin of a + queen, and Paris at her feet. + </p> + <p> + “Nay, my child, I thirst not for milk, but for you, whom I would have + leave to liberate.” + </p> + <p> + “That cannot be, and I shall die the property of the abbey. For years we + have lived so, from father to son, from mother to daughter. Like my + ancestors, I shall pass my days on this land, as will also my children, + because the abbot cannot legally let us go.” + </p> + <p> + “What!” said the Touranian; “has no gallant been tempted by your bright + eyes to buy your liberty, as I bought mine from the king?” + </p> + <p> + “It would cost too dear; thus it is those whom at first sight I please, go + as they came.” + </p> + <p> + “And you have never thought of gaining another country in company of a + lover on horseback on a fleet courser?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh yes. But, monseigneur, if I were caught I should be hanged at least; + and my gallant, even were he a lord, would lose more than one domain over + it, besides other things. I am not worth so much; besides, the abbey has + arms longer than my feet are swift. So I live on in perfect obedience to + God, who has placed me in this plight.” + </p> + <p> + “What is your father?” + </p> + <p> + “He tends the vines in the gardens of the abbey.” + </p> + <p> + “And your mother?” + </p> + <p> + “She is a washerwoman.” + </p> + <p> + “And what is your name?” + </p> + <p> + “I have no name, dear sir. My father was baptised Etienne, my mother is + Etienne, and I am Tiennette, at your service.” + </p> + <p> + “Sweetheart,” said the jeweller, “never has woman pleased me as you please + me; and I believe that your heart contains a wealth of goodness. Now, + since you offered yourself to my eyes at the moment when I was firmly + deliberating upon taking a companion, I believe that I see in you a sign + from heaven! And if I am not displeasing to you, I beg you to accept me as + your friend.” + </p> + <p> + Immediately the maid lowered her eyes. These words were uttered in such a + way, in so grave a tone, so penetrating a manner, that the said Tiennette + burst into tears. + </p> + <p> + “No, monseigneur, I should be the cause of a thousand unpleasantnesses, + and of your misfortune. For a poor bondsmaid, the conversation has gone + far enough.” + </p> + <p> + “Ho!” cried Anseau; “you do not know, my child, the man you are dealing + with.” + </p> + <p> + The Touranian crossed himself, joined his hands, and said— + </p> + <p> + “I make a vow to Monsieur the Saint Eloi, under whose invocation are the + silversmiths, to fashion two images of pure silver, with the best + workmanship I am able to perform. One shall be a statue of Madame the + Virgin, to this end, to thank her for the liberty of my dear wife; and the + other for my said patron, if I am successful in my undertaking to liberate + the bondswoman Tiennette here present, and for which I rely upon his + assistance. Moreover, I swear by my eternal salvation, to persevere with + courage in this affair, to spend therein all I process, and only to quit + it with my life. God has heard me,” said he. “And you, little one,” he + added, turning towards the maid. + </p> + <p> + “Ha! monseigneur, look! My cow is running about the fields,” cried she, + sobbing at the good man’s knees. “I will love you all my life; but + withdraw your vow.” + </p> + <p> + “Let us to look after the cow,” said the silversmith, raising her, without + daring yet to kiss her, although the maid was well disposed to it. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said she, “for I shall be beaten.” + </p> + <p> + And behold now the silversmith, scampering after the cursed cow, who gave + no heed to their amours; she was taken by the horns, and held in the grip + of the Touranian, who for a trifle would have thrown her in the air, like + a straw. + </p> + <p> + “Adieu, my sweet one! If you go into the town, come to my house, over + against St Leu’s Church. I am called Master Anseau, and am silversmith to + the King of France, at the sign of St. Eloi. Make me a promise to be in + this field the next Lord’s-Day; fail not to come, even should it rain + halberds.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, dear Sir. For this I would leap the walls, and, in gratitude, would + I be yours without mischief, and cause you no sorrow, at the price of my + everlasting future. Awaiting the happy moment, I will pray God for you + with all my heart.” + </p> + <p> + And then she remained standing like a stone saint, moving not, until she + could see the good citizen no longer, and he went away with lagging steps, + turning from time to time further to gaze upon her. And when he was far + off, and out of her sight, she stayed on, until nightfall, lost in + meditation, knowing not if she had dreamed that which had happened to her. + Then she went back to the house, where she was beaten for staying out, but + felt not the blows. The good silversmith could neither eat nor drink, but + closed his workshop, possessed of this girl, thinking of nothing but this + girl, seeing everywhere the girl; everything to him being to possess this + girl. Now when the morrow was come, he went with great apprehension + towards the abbey to speak to the lord abbot. On the road, however, he + suddenly thought of putting himself under the protection of one of the + king’s people, and with this idea returned to the court, which was then + held in the town. Being esteemed by all for his prudence, and loved for + his little works and kindnesses, the king’s chamberlain—for whom he + had once made, for a present to a lady of the court, a golden casket set + with precious stones and unique of its kind—promised him assistance, + had a horse saddled for himself, and a hack for the silversmith, with whom + he set out for the abbey, and asked to see the abbot, who was Monseigneur + Hugon de Sennecterre, aged ninety-three. Being come into the room with the + silversmith, waiting nervously to receive his sentence, the chamberlain + begged the abbot to sell him in advance a thing which was easy for him to + sell, and which would be pleasant to him. + </p> + +<div class="fig" style="width:35%;"> + <img src="images/405s.jpg" alt="405s " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/405.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a + href="images/405m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + To which the abbot replied, looking at the chamberlain— + </p> + <p> + “That the canons inhibited and forbade him thus to engage his word.” + </p> + <p> + “Behold, my dear father,” said the chamberlain, “the jeweller of the Court + who has conceived a great love for a bondswoman belonging to your abbey, + and I request you, in consideration of my obliging you in any such desire + as you may wish to see accomplished, to emancipate this maid.” + </p> + <p> + “Which is she?” asked the abbot of the citizen. + </p> + <p> + “Her name is Tiennette,” answered the silversmith, timidly. + </p> + <p> + “Ho! ho!” said the good old Hugon, smiling. “The angler has caught us a + good fish! This is a grave business, and I know not how to decide by + myself.” + </p> + <p> + “I know, my father, what those words mean,” said that chamberlain, + knitting his brows. + </p> + <p> + “Fine sir,” said the abbot, “know you what this maid is worth?” + </p> + <p> + The abbot ordered Tiennette to be fetched, telling his clerk to dress her + in her finest clothes, and to make her look as nice as possible. + </p> + <p> + “Your love is in danger,” said that chamberlain to the silversmith, + pulling him on one side. “Dismiss this fantasy. You can meet anywhere, + even at Court, with women of wealth, young and pretty, who would willingly + marry you. For this, if need be, the king would assist you by giving you + some title, which in course of time would enable you to found a good + family. Are you sufficiently well furnished with crowns to become the + founder of a noble line?” + </p> + <p> + “I know not, monseigneur,” replied Anseau. “I have put money by.” + </p> + <p> + “Then see if you cannot buy the manumission of this maid. I know the + monks. With them money does everything.” + </p> + <p> + “Monseigneur,” said the silversmith to the abbot, coming towards him, “you + have the charge and office representing here below the goodness of God, + who is often clement towards us, and has infinite treasures of mercy for + our sorrows. Now, I will remember you each evening and each morning in my + prayers, and never forget that I received my happiness at your hands, if + you aid me to gain this maid in lawful wedlock, without keeping in + servitude the children born of this union. And for this I will make you a + receptacle for the Holy Eucharist, so elaborate, so rich with gold, + precious stones and winged angels, that no other shall be like it in all + Christendom. It shall remain unique, it shall dazzle your eyesight, and + shall be so far the glory of your altar, that the people of the towns and + foreign nobles shall rush to it, so magnificent shall it be.” + </p> + <p> + “My son,” replied the abbot “have you lost your senses? If you are so + resolved to have this wench for a legal wife, your goods and your person + belong to the Chapter of the abbey.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, monseigneur, I am passionately in love with this girl, and more + touched with her misery and her Christian heart than even with her + perfections; but I am,” said he, with tears in his eyes, “still more + astonished at your harshness, and I say it although I know that my fate is + in your hands. Yes, monseigneur, I know the law; and if my goods fall to + your domain, if I become a bondsman, if I lose my house and my + citizenship, I will still keep that engine, gained by my labours and my + studies, on which lies there,” cried he, striking his forehead “in a place + of which no one, save God, can be lord but myself. And your whole abbey + could not pay for the special creations which proceed therefrom. You may + have my body, my wife, my children, but nothing shall get you my engine; + nay, not even torture, seeing that I am stronger than iron is hard, and + more patient than sorrow is great.” + </p> + <p> + So saying, the silversmith, enraged by the calmness of the abbot, who + seemed resolved to acquire for the abbey the good man’s doubloons, brought + down his fist upon an oaken chair and shivered it into fragments, for it + split as under the blow of a mace. + </p> + <p> + “Behold, monseigneur, what kind of servant you will have, and of an + artificer of things divine you will make a mere cart-horse.” + </p> + <p> + “My son,” replied the abbot, “you have wrongfully broken my chair, and + lightly judged my mind. This wench belongs to the abbey and not to me. I + am the faithful servant of the rights and customs of this glorious + monastery; although I might grant this woman license to bear free + children, I am responsible for this to God and to the abbey. Now, since + there was here an altar, bondsmen and monks, <i>id est</i>, from time + immemorial, there has never occurred the case of a citizen becoming the + property of the abbey by marriage with a bondswoman. Now, therefore, is + there need to exercise the right, and to make use of it so that it would + not be lost, weakened, worn out, or fallen into disuse, which would + occasion a thousand difficulties. And this is of higher advantage to the + State and to the abbey than your stones, however beautiful they be, seeing + that we have treasure wherewith to buy rare jewels, and that no treasure + can establish customs and laws. I call upon the king’s chamberlain to bear + witness to the infinite pains which his majesty takes every day to fight + for the establishment of his orders.” + </p> + <p> + “That is to close my mouth,” said the chamberlain. + </p> + <p> + The silversmith, who was not a great scholar, remained thoughtful. Then + came Tiennette, clean as a new pin, her hair raised up, dressed in a robe + of white wool with a blue sash, with tiny shoes and white stockings; in + fact, so royally beautiful, so noble in her bearing was she, that the + silversmith was petrified with ecstasy, and the chamberlain confessed he + had never seen so perfect a creature. Thinking there was too much danger + in this sight for the poor jeweller, he led him into the town, and begged + him to think no further of the affair, since the abbey was not likely to + liberate so good a bait for the citizens and nobles of the Parisian + stream. In fact, the Chapter let the poor lover know that if he married + this girl he must resolve to yield up his goods and his house to the + abbey, consider himself a bondsman, both he and the children of the + aforesaid marriage; although, by a special grace, the abbey would let him + his house on the condition of his giving an inventory of his furniture and + paying a yearly rent, and coming during eight days to live in a shed + adjoining the domain, thus performing an act of service. The silversmith, + to whom everyone spoke of the cupidity of the monks, saw clearly that the + abbot would incommutably maintain this order, and his soul was filled with + despair. At one time he determined to burn down the monastery; at another, + he proposed to lure the abbot into a place where he could torment him + until he had signed a charter for Tiennette’s liberation; in fact a + thousand ideas possessed his brain, and as quickly evaporated. But after + much lamentation he determined to carry off the girl, and fly with her + into her a sure place from which nothing could draw him, and made his + preparations accordingly; for once out of the kingdom, his friends or the + king could better tackle the monks and bring them to reason. The good man + counted, however, without his abbot, for going to the meadows, he found + Tiennette no more there, and learned that she was confined in the abbey, + and with much rigour, that to get at her it would be necessary to lay + siege to the monastery. Then Master Anseau passed his time in tears, + complaints, and lamentations; and all the city, the townspeople, and + housewives, talked of his adventure, the noise of which was so great, that + the king sent for the old abbot to court, and demanded of him why he did + not yield under the circumstances to the great love of the silversmith, + and why he did not put into practice Christian charity. + </p> + <p> + “Because, monseigneur,” replied the priest, “all rights are knit together + like the pieces of a coat of mail, and if one makes default, all fail. If + this girl was taken from us against our wish, and if the custom were not + observed, your subjects would soon take off your crown, and raise up in + various places violence and sedition, in order to abolish the taxes and + imposts that weigh upon the populace.” + </p> + <p> + The king’s mouth was closed. Everyone was eager to know the end of this + adventure. So great was the curiosity that certain lords wagered that the + Touranian would desist from his love, and the ladies wagered to the + contrary. The silversmith having complained to the queen that the monks + had hidden his well-beloved from his sight, she found the deed detestable + and horrible; and in consequence of her commands to the lord abbot it was + permitted to the Touranian to go every day into the parlour of the abbey, + where came Tiennette, but under the control of an old monk, and she always + came attired in great splendour like a lady. The two lovers had no other + license than to see each other, and to speak to each other, without being + able to snatch the smallest atom of pleasure, and always grew their love + more powerful. + </p> + <p> + One day Tiennette discoursed thus with her lover—“My dear lord, I + have determined to make you a gift of my life, in order to relieve your + suffering, and in this wise; in informing myself concerning everything I + have found a means to set aside the rights of the abbey, and to give you + all the joy you hope for from my fruition.” + </p> + <p> + “The ecclesiastical judge has ruled that as you become a bondsman only by + accession, and because you were not born a bondsman, your servitude will + cease with the cause that makes you a serf. Now, if you love me more than + all else, lose your goods to purchase our happiness, and espouse me. Then + when you have had your will of me, when you have hugged me and embraced me + to your heart’s content, before I have offspring will I voluntarily kill + myself, and thus you become free again; at least you will have the king on + your side, who, it is said, wishes you well. And without doubt, God will + pardon me that I cause my own death, in order to deliver my lord spouse.” + </p> + <p> + “My dear Tiennette,” cried the jeweller, “it is finished—I will be a + bondsman, and thou wilt live to make my happiness as long as my days. In + thy company, the hardest chains will weigh but lightly, and little shall I + reck the want of gold, when all my riches are in thy heart, and my only + pleasure in thy sweet body. I place myself in the hands of St. Eloi, will + deign in this misery to look upon us with pitying eyes, and guard us from + all evils. Now I shall go hence to a scrivener to have the deeds and + contracts drawn up. At least, dear flower of my days, thou shalt be + gorgeously attired, well housed, and served like a queen during thy + lifetime, since the lord abbot leaves me the earnings of my profession.” + </p> + <p> + Tiennette, crying and laughing, tried to put off her good fortune and + wished to die, rather than reduce to slavery a free man; but the good + Anseau whispered such soft words to her, and threatened so firmly to + follow her to the tomb, that she agreed to the said marriage, thinking + that she could always free herself after having tasted the pleasures of + love. + </p> + <p> + When the submission of the Touranian became known in the town, and that + for his sweetheart he yielded up his wealth and his liberty, everyone + wished to see him. The ladies of the court encumbered themselves with + jewels, in order to speak with him, and there fell upon him as from the + clouds women enough to make up for the time he had been without them; but + if any of them approached Tiennette in beauty, none had her heart. To be + brief, when the hour of slavery and love was at hand, Anseau remolded all + of his gold into a royal crown, in which he fixed all his pearls and + diamonds, and went secretly to the queen, and gave it to her, saying, + “Madame, I know not how to dispose of my fortune, which you here behold. + Tomorrow everything that is found in my house will be the property of the + cursed monks, who have had no pity on me. Then deign, madame, to accept + this. It is a slight return for the joy which, through you, I have + experienced in seeing her I love; for no sum of money is worth one of her + glances. I do not know what will become of me, but if one day my children + are delivered, I rely upon your queenly generosity.” + </p> + <p> + “Well said, good man,” cried the king. “The abbey will one day need my aid + and I will not lose the remembrance of this.” + </p> + <p> + There was a vast crowd at the abbey for the nuptials of Tiennette, to whom + the queen presented the bridal dress, and to whom the king granted a + licence to wear every day golden rings in her ears. When the charming pair + came from the abbey to the house of Anseau (now serf) over against St. + Leu, there were torches at the windows to see them pass, and a double line + in the streets, as though it were a royal entry. The poor husband had made + himself a collar of gold, which he wore on his left arm in token of his + belonging to the abbey of St. Germain. But in spite of his servitude the + people cried out, “Noel! Noel!” as to a new crowned king. And the good man + bowed to them gracefully, happy as a lover, and joyful at the homage which + every one rendered to the grace and modesty of Tiennette. Then the good + Touranian found green boughs and violets in crowns in his honour; and the + principal inhabitants of the quarter were all there, who as a great + honour, played music to him, and cried to him, “You will always be a noble + man in spite of the abbey.” You may be sure that the happy pair indulged + an amorous conflict to their hearts’ content; that the good man’s blows + were vigorous; and that his sweetheart, like a good country maiden, was of + a nature to return them. Thus they lived together a whole month, happy as + the doves, who in springtime build their nest twig by twig. Tiennette was + delighted with the beautiful house and the customers, who came and went + away astonished at her. This month of flowers past, there came one day, + with great pomp, the good old Abbot Hugon, their lord and master, who + entered the house, which then belonged not the jeweller but to the + Chapter, and said to the two spouses:— + </p> + <p> + “My children, you are released, free and quit of everything; and I should + tell you that from the first I was much struck with the love which united + you one to the other. The rights of the abbey once recognised, I was, so + far as I was concerned, determined to restore you to perfect enjoyment, + after having proved your loyalty by the test of God. And this manumission + will cost you nothing.” Having thus said, he gave them each a little tap + with his hand on the cheek. And they fell about his knees weeping tears of + joy for such good reasons. The Touranian informed the people of the + neighbourhood, who picked up in the street the largesse, and received the + predictions of the good Abbott Hugon. + </p> + <p> + Then it was with great honour, Master Anseau held the reins of his mule, + so far as the gate of Bussy. During the journey the jeweller, who had + taken a bag of silver, threw the pieces to the poor and suffering, crying, + “Largesse, largesse to God! God save and guard the abbot! Long live the + good Lord Hugon!” And returning to his house he regaled his friends, and + had fresh wedding festivities, which lasted a fortnight. You can imagine + that the abbot was reproached by the Chapter, for his clemency in opening + the door for such good prey to escape, so that when a year after the good + man Hugon fell ill, his prior told him that it was a punishment from + Heaven because he had neglected the sacred interests of the Chapter and of + God. + </p> + <p> + “If I have judged that man aright,” said the abbot, “he will not forget + what he owes us.” + </p> + <p> + In fact, this day happening by chance to be the anniversary of the + marriage, a monk came to announce that the silversmith supplicated his + benefactor to receive him. Soon he entered the room where the abbot was, + and spread out before him two marvellous shrines, which since that time no + workman has surpassed, in any portion of the Christian world, and which + were named “Vow of a Steadfast Love.” These two treasures are, as everyone + knows, placed on the principal altar of the church, and are esteemed as an + inestimable work, for the silversmith had spent therein all his wealth. + Nevertheless, this wealth, far from emptying his purse, filled it full to + overflowing, because so rapidly increased his fame and his fortune that he + was able to buy a patent of nobility and lands, and he founded the house + of Anseau, which has since been held in great honour in fair Touraine. + </p> + <p> + This teaches us to have always recourse to God and the saints in all the + undertakings of life, to be steadfast in all things, and, above all, that + a great love triumphs over everything, which is an old sentence; but the + author has rewritten it because it is a most pleasant one. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0038" id="link2H_4_0038"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CONCERNING A PROVOST WHO DID NOT RECOGNISE THINGS + </h2> + <p> + In the good town of Bourges, at the time when that lord the king disported + himself there, who afterwards abandoned his search after pleasure to + conquer the kingdom, and did indeed conquer it, lived there a provost, + entrusted by him with the maintenance of order, and called the + provost-royal. From which came, under the glorious son of the said king, + the office of provost of the hotel, in which behaved rather harshly my + lord Tristan of Mere, of whom these tales oft make mention, although he + was by no means a merry fellow. I give this information to the friends who + pilfer from old manuscripts to manufacture new ones, and I show thereby + how learned these Tales really are, without appearing to be so. Very well, + then, this provost was named Picot or Picault, of which some made picotin, + picoter, and picoree; by some Pitot or Pitaut, from which comes <i>pitance</i>; + by others in Languedoc, Pichot from which comes nothing comes worth + knowing; by these Petiot or Petiet; by those Petitot and Petinault, or + Petiniaud, which was the masonic appellation; but at Bourges he was called + Petit, a name which was eventually adopted by the family, which has + multiplied exceedingly, for everywhere you find “<i>des Petits</i>,” and + so he will be called Petit in this narrative. I have given this etymology + in order to throw a light on our language, and show how our citizens have + finished by acquiring names. But enough of science. + </p> + <p> + This said provost, who had as many names as there were provinces into + which the court went, was in reality a little bit of a man, whose mother + had given him so strange a hide, that when he wanted to laugh he used to + stretch his cheeks like a cow making water, and this smile at court was + called the provost’s smile. One day the king, hearing this proverbial + expression used by certain lords, said jokingly— + </p> + <p> + “You are in error, gentlemen, Petit does not laugh, he’s short of skin + below the mouth.” + </p> + <p> + But with his forced laugh Petit was all the more suited to his occupation + of watching and catching evil-doers. In fact, he was worth what he cost. + For all malice, he was a bit of a cuckold, for all vice, he went to + vespers, for all wisdom he obeyed God, when it was convenient; for all joy + he had a wife in his house; and for all change in his joy he looked for a + man to hang, and when he was asked to find one he never failed to meet + him; but when he was between the sheets he never troubled himself about + thieves. Can you find in all Christendom a more virtuous provost? No! All + provosts hang too little, or too much, while this one just hanged as much + as was necessary to be a provost. + </p> + <p> + This good fellow had for his wife in legitimate marriage, and much to the + astonishment of everyone, the prettiest little woman in Bourges. So it was + that often, while on his road to the execution, he would ask God the same + question as several others in the town did—namely, why he, Petit, he + the sheriff, he the provost royal, had to himself, Petit, provost royal + and sheriff, a wife so exquisitely shapely, said dowered with charms, that + a donkey seeing her pass by would bray with delight. To this God + vouchsafed no reply, and doubtless had his reasons. But the slanderous + tongues of the town replied for him, that the young lady was by no means a + maiden when she became the wife of Petit. Others said she did not keep her + affections solely for him. The wags answered, that donkeys often get into + fine stables. Everyone had taunts ready which would have made a nice + little collection had anyone gathered them together. From them, however, + it is necessary to take nearly four-fourths, seeing that Petit’s wife was + a virtuous woman, who had a lover for pleasure and a husband for duty. How + many were there in the town as careful of their hearts and mouths? If you + can point out one to me, I’ll give you a kick or a half-penny, whichever + you like. You will find some who have neither husband nor lover. Certain + females have a lover and no husband. Ugly women have a husband and no + lover. But to meet with a woman who, having one husband and one lover, + keeps to the deuce without trying for the trey, there is the miracle, you + see, you greenhorns, blockheads, and dolts! Now then, put the true + character of this virtuous woman on the tablets of your memory, go your + ways, and let me go mine. + </p> + <p> + The good Madame Petit was not one of those ladies who are always on the + move, running hither and thither, can’t keep still a moment, but trot + about, worrying, hurrying, chattering, and clattering, and had nothing in + them to keep them steady, but are so light that they run after a gastric + zephyr as after their quintessence. No; on the contrary, she was a good + housewife, always sitting in her chair or sleeping in her bed, ready as a + candlestick, waiting for her lover when her husband went out, receiving + the husband when the lover had gone. This dear woman never thought of + dressing herself only to annoy and make other wives jealous. Pish! She had + found a better use for the merry time of youth, and put life into her + joints in order to make the best use of it. Now you know the provost and + his good wife. + </p> + <p> + The provost’s lieutenant in duties matrimonial, duties which are so heavy + that it takes two men to execute them, was a noble lord, a landowner, who + disliked the king exceedingly. You must bear this in mind, because it is + one of the principal points of the story. The Constable, who was a + thorough Scotch gentleman, had seen by chance Petit’s wife, and wished to + have a little conversation with her comfortably, towards the morning, just + the time to tell his beads, which was Christianly honest, or honestly + Christian, in order to argue with her concerning the things of science or + the science of things. Thinking herself quite learned enough, Madame + Petit, who was, as has been stated, a virtuous, wise, and honest wife, + refused to listen to the said constable. After certain arguments, + reasonings, tricks and messages, which were of no avail, he swore by his + great black <i>coquedouille</i> that he would rip up the gallant although + he was a man of mark. But he swore nothing about the lady. This denotes a + good Frenchman, for in such a dilemma there are certain offended persons + who would upset the whole business of three persons by killing four. The + constable wagered his big black <i>coquedouille</i> before the king and + the lady of Sorel, who were playing cards before supper; and his majesty + was well pleased, because he would be relieved of this noble, that + displeased him, and that without costing him a Thank You. + </p> + <p> + “And how will you manage the affair?” said Madame de Sorel to him, with a + smile. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, oh!” replied the constable. “You may be sure, madame, I do not wish + to lose my big black coquedouille.” + </p> + <p> + “What was, then, this great coquedouille?” + </p> + <p> + “Ha, ha! This point is shrouded in darkness to a degree that would make + you ruin your eyes in ancient books; but it was certainly something of + great importance. Nevertheless, let us put on our spectacles, and search + it out. <i>Douille</i> signifies in Brittany, a girl, and <i>coque</i> + means a cook’s frying pan. From this word has come into France that of <i>coquin</i>—a + knave who eats, licks, laps, sucks, and fritters his money away, and gets + into stews; is always in hot water, and eats up everything, leads an idle + life, and doing this, becomes wicked, becomes poor, and that incites him + to steal or beg. From this it may be concluded by the learned that the + great coquedouille was a household utensil in the shape of a kettle used + for cooking things.” + </p> + <p> + “Well,” continued the constable, who was the Sieur of Richmond, “I will + have the husband ordered to go into the country for a day and a night, to + arrest certain peasants suspected of plotting treacherously with the + English. Thereupon my two pigeons, believing their man absent, will be as + merry as soldiers off duty; and, if a certain thing takes place, I will + let loose the provost, sending him, in the king’s name, to search the + house where the couple will be, in order that he may slay our friend, who + pretends to have this good cordelier all to himself.” + </p> + <p> + “What does this mean?” said the Lady of Beaute. + </p> + <p> + “Friar . . . fryer . . . an <i>equivoque</i>,” answered the king, smiling. + </p> + <p> + “Come to supper,” said Madame Agnes. “You are bad men, who with one word + insult both the citizens’ wives and a holy order.” + </p> + <p> + Now, for a long time, Madame Petit had longed to have a night of liberty, + during which she might visit the house of the said noble, where she could + make as much noise as she liked, without waking the neighbours, because at + the provost’s house she was afraid of being overheard, and had to content + herself well with the pilferings of love, little tastes, and nibbles, + daring at the most only to trot, while what she desired was a smart + gallop. On the morrow, therefore, the lady’s-maid went off about midday to + the young lord’s house, and told the lover—from whom she received + many presents, and therefore in no way disliked him—that he might + make his preparations for pleasure, and for supper, for that he might rely + upon the provost’s better half being with him in the evening both hungry + and thirsty. + </p> + <p> + “Good!” said he. “Tell your mistress I will not stint her in anything she + desires.” + </p> + <p> + The pages of the cunning constable, who were watching the house, seeing + the gallant prepare for his gallantries, and set out the flagons and the + meats, went and informed their master that everything had happened as he + wished. Hearing this, the good constable rubbed his hands thinking how + nicely the provost would catch the pair. He instantly sent word to him, + that by the king’s express commands he was to return to town, in order + that he might seize at the said lord’s house an English nobleman, with + whom he was vehemently suspected to be arranging a plot of diabolical + darkness. But before he put this order into execution, he was to come to + the king’s hotel, in order that he might understand the courtesy to be + exercised in this case. The provost, joyous at the chance of speaking to + the king, used such diligence that he was in town just at that time when + the two lovers were singing the first note of their evening hymn. The lord + of cuckoldom and its surrounding lands, who is a strange lord, managed + things so well, that madame was only conversing with her lord lover at the + time that her lord spouse was talking to the constable and the king; at + which he was pleased, and so was his wife—a case of concord rare in + matrimony. + </p> + <p> + “I was saying to monseigneur,” said the constable to the provost, as he + entered the king’s apartment, “that every man in the kingdom has a right + to kill his wife and her lover if he finds them in an act of infidelity. + But his majesty, who is clement, argues that he has only a right to kill + the man, and not the woman. Now what would you do, Mr. Provost, if by + chance you found a gentleman taking a stroll in that fair meadow of which + laws, human and divine, enjoin you alone to cultivate the verdure?” + </p> + <p> + “I would kill everything,” said the provost; “I would scrunch the five + hundred thousand devils of nature, flower and seed, and send them flying, + the pips and apples, the grass and the meadow, the woman and the man.” + </p> + <p> + “You would be in the wrong,” said the king. “That is contrary to the laws + of the Church and of the State; of the State, because you might deprive me + of a subject; of the Church, because you would be sending an innocent to + limbo unshriven.” + </p> + <p> + “Sire, I admire your profound wisdom, and I clearly perceive you to be the + centre of all justice.” + </p> + <p> + “We can then only kill the knight—Amen,” said constable, “Kill the + horseman. Now go quickly to the house of the suspected lord, but without + letting yourself be bamboozled, do not forget what is due to his + position.” + </p> + <p> + The provost, believing he would certainly be Chancellor of France if he + properly acquitted himself of the task, went from the castle into the + town, took his men, arrived at the nobleman’s residence, arranged his + people outside, placed guards at all the doors, opened noiselessly by + order of the king, climbs the stairs, asks the servants in which room + their master is, puts them under arrest, goes up alone, and knocks at the + door of the room where the two lovers are tilting in love’s tournament, + and says to them— + </p> + <p> + “Open, in the name of our lord the king!” + </p> + <p> + The lady recognised her husband’s voice, and could not repress a smile, + thinking that she had not waited for the king’s orders to do what she had + done. But after laughter came terror. Her lover took his cloak, threw it + over him, and came to the door. There, not knowing that his life was in + peril, he declared that he belonged to the court and to the king’s + household. + </p> + <p> + “Bah!” said the provost. “I have a strict order from the king; and under + pain of being treated as a rebel, you are bound instantly to receive me.” + </p> + <p> + Then the lord went out to him, still holding the door. + </p> + <p> + “What do you want here?” + </p> + <p> + “An enemy of our lord the king, whom we command you to deliver into our + hands, otherwise you must follow me with him to the castle.” + </p> + <p> + This, thought the lover, is a piece of treachery on the part of the + constable, whose proposition my dear mistress treated with scorn. We must + get out of this scrape in some way. Then turning towards the provost, he + went double or quits on the risk, reasoning thus with the cuckold:— + </p> + <p> + “My friend, you know that I consider you but as gallant a man as it is + possible for a provost to be in the discharge of his duty. Now, can I have + confidence in you? I have here with me the fairest lady of the court. As + for Englishmen, I have not sufficient of one to make the breakfast of the + constable, M. de Richmond, who sends you here. This is (to be candid with + you) the result of a bet made between myself and the constable, who shares + it with the King. Both have wagered that they know who is the lady of my + heart; and I have wagered to the contrary. No one more than myself hates + the English, who took my estates in Piccadilly. Is it not a knavish trick + to put justice in motion against me? Ho! Ho! my lord constable, a + chamberlain is worth two of you, and I will beat you yet. My dear Petit, I + give you permission to search by night and by day, every nook and cranny + of my house. But come in here alone, search my room, turn the bed over, do + what you like. Only allow me to cover with a cloth or a handkerchief this + fair lady, who is at present in the costume of an archangel, in order that + you may not know to what husband she belongs.” + </p> + <p> + “Willingly,” said the provost. “But I am an old bird, not easily caught + with chaff, and would like to be sure that it is really a lady of the + court, and not an Englishman, for these English have flesh as white and + soft as women, and I know it well, because I’ve hanged so many of them.” + </p> + <p> + “Well then,” said the lord, “seeing of what crime I am suspected, from + which I am bound to free myself, I will go and ask my lady-love to consent + for a moment to abandon her modesty. She is too fond of me to refuse to + save me from reproach. I will beg her to turn herself over and show you a + physiognomy, which will in no way compromise her, and will be sufficient + to enable you to recognise a noble woman, although she will be in a sense + upside down.” + </p> + <p> + “All right,” said the provost. + </p> + <p> + The lady having heard every word, had folded up all her clothes, and put + them under the bolster, had taken off her chemise, that her husband should + not recognise it, had twisted her head up in a sheet, and had brought to + light the carnal convexities which commenced where her spine finished. + </p> + <p> + “Come in, my friend,” said the lord. + </p> + <p> + The provost looked up the chimney, opened the cupboard, the clothes’ + chest, felt under the bed, in the sheets, and everywhere. Then he began to + study what was on the bed. + </p> + <p> + “My lord,” said he, regarding his legitimate appurtenances, “I have seen + young English lads with backs like that. You must forgive me doing my + duty, but I must see otherwise.” + </p> + <p> + “What do you call otherwise?” said the lord. + </p> + <p> + “Well, the other physiognomy, or, if you prefer it, the physiognomy of the + other.” + </p> + <p> + “Then you will allow madame to cover herself and arrange only to show you + sufficient to convince you,” said the lover, knowing that the lady had a + mark or two easy to recognise. “Turn your back a moment, so that my dear + lady may satisfy propriety.” + </p> + <p> + The wife smiled at her lover, kissed him for his dexterity, arranging + herself cunningly; and the husband seeing in full that which the jade had + never let him see before, was quite convinced that no English person could + be thus fashioned without being a charming Englishwoman. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, my lord,” he whispered in the ear of his lieutenant, “this is + certainly a lady of the court, because the towns-women are neither so well + formed nor so charming.” + </p> + <p> + Then the house being thoroughly searched, and no Englishman found, the + provost returned, as the constable had told him, to the king’s residence. + </p> + <p> + “Is he slain?” said the constable. + </p> + <p> + “Who?” + </p> + <p> + “He who grafted horns upon your forehead.” + </p> + <p> + “I only saw a lady in his couch, who seemed to be greatly enjoying herself + with him.” + </p> + <p> + “You, with your own eyes, saw this woman, cursed cuckold, and you did not + kill your rival?” + </p> + <p> + “It was not a common woman, but a lady of the court.” + </p> + <p> + “You saw her?” + </p> + <p> + “And verified her in both cases.” + </p> + <p> + “What do you mean by those words?” cried the king, who was bursting with + laughter. + </p> + <p> + “I say, with all the respect due to your Majesty, that I have verified the + over and the under.” + </p> + <p> + “You do not, then, know the physiognomies of your own wife, you old fool + without memory! You deserve to be hanged.” + </p> + <p> + “I hold those features of my wife in too great respect to gaze upon them. + Besides she is so modest that she would die rather than expose an atom of + her body.” + </p> + <p> + “True,” said the king; “it was not made to be shown.” + </p> + <p> + “Old coquedouille! that was your wife,” said the constable. + </p> + <p> + “My lord constable, she is asleep, poor girl!” + </p> + <p> + “Quick, quick, then! To horse! Let us be off, and if she be in your house + I’ll forgive you.” + </p> + <p> + Then the constable, followed by the provost, went to the latter’s house in + less time than it would have taken a beggar to empty the poor-box. + </p> + <p> + “Hullo! there, hi!” + </p> + <p> + Hearing the noise made by the men, which threatened to bring the walls + about their ears, the maid-servant opened the door, yawning and stretching + her arms. The constable and the provost rushed into the room, where, with + great difficulty, they succeeded in waking the lady, who pretended to be + terrified, and was so soundly asleep that her eyes were full of gum. At + this the provost was in great glee, saying to the constable that someone + had certainly deceived him, that his wife was a virtuous woman, and was + more astonished than any of them at these proceedings. The constable + turned on his heel and departed. The good provost began directly to + undress to get to bed early, since this adventure had brought his good + wife to his memory. When he was harnessing himself, and was knocking off + his nether garments, madame, still astonished, said to him— + </p> + <p> + “Oh, my dear husband, what is the meaning of all this uproar—this + constable and his pages, and why did he come to see if I was asleep? Is it + to be henceforward part of a constable’s duty to look after our . . .” + </p> + <p> + “I do not know,” said the provost, interrupting her, to tell her what had + happened to him. + </p> + <p> + “And you saw without my permission a lady of the court! Ha! ha! heu! heu! + hein!” + </p> + <p> + Then she began to moan, to weep, and to cry in such a deplorable manner + and so loudly, that her lord was quite aghast. + </p> + <p> + “What’s the matter, my darling? What is it? What do you want?” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! You won’t love me any more are after seeing how beautiful court + ladies are!” + </p> + <p> + “Nonsense, my child! They are great ladies. I don’t mind telling you in + confidence; they are great ladies in every respect.” + </p> + <p> + “Well,” said she, “am I nicer?” + </p> + <p> + “Ah,” said he, “in a great measure. Yes!” + </p> + <p> + “They have, then, great happiness,” said she, sighing, “when I have so + much with so little beauty.” + </p> + <p> + Thereupon the provost tried a better argument to argue with his good wife, + and argued so well that she finished by allowing herself to be convinced + that Heaven has ordained that much pleasure may be obtained from small + things. + </p> + <p> + This shows us that nothing here below can prevail against the Church of + Cuckolds. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0039" id="link2H_4_0039"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + +<div class="fig" style="width:35%;"> + <img src="images/529s.jpg" alt="529s " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/529.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a + href="images/529m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a> + </h4> + + <h2> + ABOUT THE MONK AMADOR, WHO WAS A GLORIOUS ABBOT OF TURPENAY + </h2> + <p> + One day that it was drizzling with rain—a time when the ladies + remain gleefully at home, because they love the damp, and can have at + their apron strings the men who are not disagreeable to them—the + queen was in her chamber, at the castle of Amboise, against the window + curtains. There, seated in her chair, she was working at a piece of + tapestry to amuse herself, but was using her needle heedlessly, watching + the rain fall into the Loire, and was lost in thought, where her ladies + were following her example. The king was arguing with those of his court + who had accompanied him from the chapel—for it was a question of + returning to dominical vespers. His arguments, statements, and reasonings + finished, he looked at the queen, saw that she was melancholy, saw that + the ladies were melancholy also, and noted the fact that they were all + acquainted with the mysteries of matrimony. + </p> + <p> + “Did I not see the Abbot of Turpenay here just now?” said he. + </p> + <p> + Hearing these words, there advanced towards the king the monk, who, by his + constant petitions, rendered himself so obnoxious to Louis the Eleventh, + that that monarch seriously commanded his provost-royal to remove him from + his sight; and it has been related in the first volume of these Tales, how + the monk was saved through the mistake of Sieur Tristan. The monk was at + this time a man whose qualities had grown rapidly, so much so that his wit + had communicated a jovial hue to his face. He was a great favourite with + the ladies, who crammed him with wine, confectioneries, and dainty dishes + at the dinners, suppers, and merry-makings, to which they invited him, + because every host likes those cheerful guests of God with nimble jaws, + who say as many words as they put away tit-bits. This abbot was a + pernicious fellow, who would relate to the ladies many a merry tale, at + which they were only offended when they had heard them; since, to judge + them, things must be heard. + </p> + <p> + “My reverend father,” said the king, “behold the twilight hour, in which + ears feminine may be regaled with certain pleasant stories, for the ladies + can laugh without blushing, or blush without laughing, as it suits them + best. Give us a good story—a regular monk’s story. I shall listen to + it, i’faith, with pleasure, because I want to be amused, and so do the + ladies.” + </p> + <p> + “We only submit to this, in order to please your lordship,” said the + queen; “because our good friend the abbot goes a little too far.” + </p> + <p> + “Then,” replied the king, turning towards the monk, “read us some + Christian admonition, holy father, to amuse madame.” + </p> + <p> + “Sire, my sight is weak, and the day is closing.” + </p> + <p> + “Give us a story, then, that stops at the girdle.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah, sire!” said the monk, smiling, “the one I am thinking of stops there; + but it commences at the feet.” + </p> + <p> + The lords present made such gallant remonstrances and supplications to the + queen and her ladies, that, like the good Bretonne that she was, she gave + the monk a gentle smile, and said— + </p> + <p> + “As you will, my father; but you must answer to God for our sins.” + </p> + <p> + “Willingly, madame; if it be your pleasure to take mine, you will be a + gainer.” + </p> + <p> + Everyone laughed, and so did queen. The king went and sat by his dear + wife, well beloved by him, as everyone knows. The courtiers received + permission to be seated—the old courtiers, of course, understood; + for the young ones stood, by the ladies’ permission, beside their chairs, + to laugh at the same time as they did. Then the Abbot of Turpenay + gracefully delivered himself of the following tale, the risky passages of + which he gave in a low, soft, flute-like voice:— + </p> + <p> + About a hundred years ago at the least, there occurred great quarrels in + Christendom because there were two popes at Rome, each one pretending to + be legitimately elected, which caused great annoyance to the monasteries, + abbeys, and bishoprics, since, in order to be recognised by as many as + possible, each of the two popes granted titles and rights to each + adherent, the which made double owners everywhere. Under these + circumstances, the monasteries and abbeys that were at war with their + neighbours would not recognise both the popes, and found themselves much + embarrassed by the other, who always gave the verdict to the enemies of + the Chapter. This wicked schism brought about considerable mischief, and + proved abundantly that error is worse in Christianity than the adultery of + the Church. + </p> + <p> + Now at this time, when the devil was making havoc among our possessions, + the most illustrious abbey of Turpenay, of which I am at present the + unworthy ruler, had a heavy trial on concerning the settlements of certain + rights with the redoubtable Sire de Cande, an idolatrous infidel, a + relapsed heretic, and most wicked lord. This devil, sent upon earth in the + shape of a nobleman, was, to tell the truth, a good soldier, well received + at court, and a friend of the Sieur Bureau de la Riviere; who was a person + to whom the king was exceedingly partial—King Charles the Fifth, of + glorious memory. Beneath the shelter of the favour of this Sieur de la + Riviere, Lord of Cande did exactly as he pleased in the valley of the + Indre, where he used to be master of everything, from Montbazon to Usse. + You may be sure that his neighbours were terribly afraid of him, and to + save their skulls let him have his way. They would, however, have + preferred him under the ground to above it, and heartily wished him bad + luck; but he troubled himself little about that. In the whole valley the + noble abbey alone showed fight to this demon, for it has always been a + doctrine of the Church to take into her lap the weak and suffering, and + use every effort to protect the oppressed, especially those whose rights + and privileges are menaced. + </p> + <p> + For this reason this rough warrior hated monks exceedingly, especially + those of Turpenay, who would not allow themselves to be robbed of their + rights either by force or stratagem. He was well pleased at the + ecclesiastical schism, and waited the decision of our abbey, concerning + which pope they should choose, to pillage them, being quite ready to + recognise the one to whom the abbot of Turpenay should refuse his + obedience. Since his return to his castle, it was his custom to torment + and annoy the priests whom he encountered upon his domains in such a + manner, that a poor monk, surprised by him on his private road, which was + by the water-side, perceived no other method of safety than to throw + himself into the river, where, by a special miracle of the Almighty, whom + the good man fervently invoked, his gown floated him on the Indre, and he + made his way comfortably to the other side, which he attained in full view + of the lord of Cande, who was not ashamed to enjoy the terrors of a + servant of God. Now you see of what stuff this horrid man was made. The + abbot, to whom at that time, the care of our glorious abbey was committed, + led a most holy life, and prayed to God with devotion; but he would have + saved his own soul ten times, of such good quality was his religion, + before finding a chance to save the abbey itself from the clutches of this + wretch. Although he was very perplexed, and saw the evil hour at hand, he + relied upon God for succour, saying that he would never allow the property + of the Church to be touched, and that He who had raised up the Princess + Judith for the Hebrews, and Queen Lucretia for the Romans, would keep his + most illustrious abbey of Turpenay, and indulged in other equally sapient + remarks. But his monks, who—to our shame I confess it—were + unbelievers, reproached him with his happy-go-lucky way of looking at + things, and declared that, to bring the chariot of Providence to the + rescue in time, all the oxen in the province would have to be yoked it; + that the trumpets of Jericho were no longer made in any portion of the + world; that God was disgusted with His creation, and would have nothing + more to do with it: in short, a thousand and one things that were doubts + and contumelies against God. + </p> + <p> + At this desperate juncture there rose up a monk named Amador. This name + had been given him by way of a joke, since his person offered a perfect + portrait of the false god Aegipan. He was like him, strong in the stomach; + like him, had crooked legs; arms hairy as those of a saddler, a back made + to carry a wallet, a face as red as the phiz of a drunkard, glistening + eyes, a tangled beard, was hairy faced, and so puffed out with fat and + meat that you would have fancied him in an interesting condition. You may + be sure that he sung his matins on the steps of the wine-cellar, and said + his vespers in the vineyards of Lord. He was as fond of his bed as a + beggar with sores, and would go about the valley fuddling, faddling, + blessing the bridals, plucking the grapes, and giving them to the girls to + taste, in spite of the prohibition of the abbot. In fact, he was a + pilferer, a loiterer, and a bad soldier of the ecclesiastical militia, of + whom nobody in the abbey took any notice, but let him do as he liked from + motives of Christian charity, thinking him mad. + </p> + <p> + Amador, knowing that it was a question of the ruin of the Abbey, in which + he was as snug as a bug in a rug, put up his bristles, took notice of this + and of that, went into each of the cells, listened in the refectory, + shivered in his shoes, and declared that he would attempt to save the + abbey. He took cognisance of the contested points, received from the abbot + permission to postpone the case, and was promised by the whole Chapter the + Office of sub-prior if he succeeded in putting an end to the litigation. + Then he set off across the country, heedless of the cruelty and + ill-treatment of the Sieur de Cande, saying that he had that within his + gown which would subdue him. He went his way with nothing but the said + gown for his viaticum: but then in it was enough fat to feed a dwarf. He + selected to go to the chateau, a day when it rained hard enough to fill + the tubs of all the housewives, and arrived without meeting a soul, in + sight of Cande, and looking like a drowned dog, stepped bravely into the + courtyard, and took shelter under a sty-roof to wait until the fury of the + elements had calmed down, and placed himself boldly in front of the room + where the owner of the chateau should be. A servant perceiving him while + laying the supper, took pity on him, and told him to make himself scarce, + otherwise his master would give him a horsewhipping, just to open the + conversation, and asked him what made him so bold as to enter a house + where monks were hated more than a red leper. + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said Amador, “I am on my way to Tours, sent thither by my lord + abbot. If the lord of Cande were not so bitter against the poor servant of + God, I should not be kept during such a deluge in the courtyard, but in + the house. I hope that he will find mercy in his hour of need.” + </p> + <p> + The servant reported these words to his master, who at first wished to + have the monk thrown into the big trough of the castle among the other + filth. But the lady of Cande, who had great authority over her spouse, and + was respected by him, because through her he expected a large inheritance, + and because she was a little tyrannical, reprimanded him, saying, that it + was possible this monk was a Christian; that in such weather thieves would + succour an officer of justice; that, besides, it was necessary to treat + him well to find out to what decision the brethren of Turpenay had come + with regard to the schism business, and that her advice was put an end by + kindness and not by force to the difficulties arisen between the abbey and + the domain of Cande, because no lord since the coming of Christ had ever + been stronger than the Church, and that sooner or later the abbey would + ruin the castle; finally, she gave utterance to a thousand wise arguments, + such as ladies use in the height of the storms of life, when they have had + about enough of them. Amador’s face was so piteous, his appearance so + wretched, and so open to banter, that the lord, saddened by the weather, + conceived the idea of enjoying a joke at his expense, tormenting him, + playing tricks on him, and of giving him a lively recollection of his + reception at the chateau. Then this gentleman, who had secret relations + with his wife’s maid, sent this girl, who was called Perrotte, to put an + end to his ill-will towards the luckless Amador. As soon as the plot had + been arranged between them, the wench, who hated monks, in order to please + her master, went to the monk, who was standing under the pigsty, assuming + a courteous demeanour in order the better to please him, said— + </p> + <p> + “Holy father, the master of the house is ashamed to see a servant of God + out in the rain when there is room for him indoors, a good fire in the + chimney, and a table spread. I invite you in his name and that of the lady + of the house to step in.” + </p> + <p> + “I thank the lady and lord, not for their hospitality which is a Christian + thing, but for having sent as an ambassador to me, a poor sinner, an angel + of such delicate beauty that I fancy I see the Virgin over our altar.” + </p> + <p> + Saying which, Amador raised his nose in the air, and saluted with the two + flakes of fire that sparkled in his bright eyes the pretty maidservant, + who thought him neither so ugly nor so foul, nor so bestial; when, + following Perrotte up the steps, Amador received on the nose, cheeks, and + other portions of his face a slash of the whip, which made him see all the + lights of the Magnificat, so well was the dose administered by the Sieur + de Cande, who, busy chastening his greyhounds pretended not see the monk. + He requested Amador to pardon him this accident, and ran after the dogs + who had caused the mischief to his guest. The laughing servant, who knew + what was coming, had dexterously kept out of the way. Noticing this + business, Amador suspected the relations of Perrotte and the chevalier, + concerning whom it is possible that the lasses of the valley had already + whispered something into his ear. Of the people who were then in the room + not one made room for the man of God, who remained right in the draught + between the door and the window, where he stood freezing until the moment + when the Sieur de Cande, his wife, and his aged sister, Mademoiselle de + Cande, who had the charge of the young heiress of the house, aged about + sixteen years, came and sat in their chairs at the head of the table, far + from the common people, according to the old custom usual among the lords + of the period, much to their discredit. + </p> + <p> + The Sieur de Cande, paying no attention to the monk, let him sit at the + extreme end of the table, in a corner, where two mischievous lads had + orders to squeeze and elbow him. Indeed these fellows worried his feet, + his body, and his arms like real torturers, poured white wine into his + goblet for water, in order to fuddle him, and the better to amuse + themselves with him; but they made him drink seven large jugfuls without + making belch, break wind, sweat or snort, which horrified them + exceedingly, especially as his eye remained as clear as crystal. + Encouraged, however, by a glance from their lord, they still kept + throwing, while bowing to him, gravy into his beard, and wiping it dry in + a manner to tear every hair of it out. The varlet who served a caudle + baptised his head with it, and took care to let the burning liquor trickle + down poor Amador’s backbone. All this agony he endured with meekness, + because the spirit of God was in him, and also the hope of finishing the + litigation by holding out in the castle. Nevertheless, the mischievous lot + burst out into such roars of laughter at the warm baptism given by the + cook’s lad to the soaked monk, even the butler making jokes at his + expense, that the lady of Cande was compelled to notice what was going on + at the end of the table. Then she perceived Amador, who had a look of + sublime resignation upon his face, and was endeavouring to get something + out of the big beef bones that had been put upon his pewter platter. At + this moment the poor monk, who had administered a dexterous blow of the + knife to a big ugly bone, took it into his hairy hands, snapped it in two, + sucked the warm marrow out of it, and found it good. + </p> + <p> + “Truly,” said she to herself, “God has put great strength into this monk!” + </p> + <p> + At the same time she seriously forbade the pages, servants, and others to + torment the poor man, to whom out of mockery they had just given some + rotten apples and maggoty nuts. He, perceiving that the old lady and her + charge, the lady and the servants had seen him manoeuvring the bone, + pushed backed his sleeve, showed the powerful muscles of his arm, placed + nuts near his wrist on the bifurcation of the veins, and crushed them one + by one by pressing them with the palm of his hand so vigorously that they + appeared like ripe medlars. He also crunched them between his teeth, white + as the teeth of a dog, husk, shell, fruit, and all, of which he made in a + second a mash which he swallowed like honey. He crushed them between two + fingers, which he used like scissors to cut them in two without a moment’s + hesitation. + </p> + <p> + You may be sure that the women were silent, that the men believed the + devil to be in the monk; and had it not been for his wife and the darkness + of the night, the Sieur de Cande, having the fear of God before his eyes, + would have kicked him out of the house. Everyone declared that the monk + was a man capable of throwing the castle into the moat. Therefore, as soon + as everyone had wiped his mouth, my lord took care to imprison this devil, + whose strength was terrible to behold, and had him conducted to a wretched + little closet where Perrotte had arranged her machine in order to annoy + him during the night. The tom-cats of the neighbourhood had been requested + to come and confess to him, invited to tell him their sins in embryo + towards the tabbies who attracted their affections, and also the little + pigs for whom fine lumps of tripe had been placed under the bed in order + to prevent them becoming monks, of which they were very desirous, by + disgusting them with the style of libera, which the monk would sing to + them. At every movement of poor Amador, who would find short horse-hair in + the sheets, he would bring down cold water on to the bed, and a thousand + other tricks were arranged, such are usually practised in castles. + Everyone went to bed in expectation of the nocturnal revels of the monk, + certain that they would not be disappointed, since he had been lodged + under the tiles at the top of a little tower, the guard of the door of + which was committed to dogs who howled for a bit of him. In order to + ascertain what language the conversations with the cats and pigs would be + carried on, the Sire came to stay with his dear Perrotte, who slept in the + next room. + </p> + <p> + As soon as he found himself thus treated, Amador drew from his bag a + knife, and dexterously extricated himself. Then he began to listen in + order to find out the ways of the place, and heard the master of the house + laughing with his maid-servant. Suspecting their manoeuvres, he waited + till the moment when the lady of the house should be alone in bed, and + made his way into her room with bare feet, in order that his sandals + should not be in his secrets. He appeared to her by the light of the lamp + in the manner in which monks generally appear during the night—that + is, in a marvellous state, which the laity find it difficult long to + sustain; and the thing is an effect of the frock, which magnifies + everything. Then having let her see that he was all a monk, he made the + following little speech— + </p> + <p> + “Know, madame, that I am sent by Jesus and the Virgin Mary to warn you to + put an end to the improper perversities which are taking place—to + the injury of your virtue, which is treacherously deprived of your + husband’s best attention, which he lavishes upon your maid. What is the + use of being a lady if the seigneurial dues are received elsewhere. + According to this, your servant is the lady and you are the servant. Are + not all the joys bestowed upon her due to you? You will find them all + amassed in our Holy Church, which is the consolation of the afflicted. + Behold in me the messenger, ready to pay these debts if you do not + renounce them.” + </p> + <p> + Saying this, the good monk gently loosened his girdle in which he was + incommoded, so much did he appear affected by the sight of those beauties + which the Sieur de Cande disdained. + </p> + <p> + “If you speak truly, my father, I will submit to your guidance,” said she, + springing lightly out of bed. “You are for sure, a messenger of God, + because you have been in a single day that which I had not noticed here + for a long time.” + </p> + <p> + Then she went, accompanied by Amador, whose holy robe she did not fail to + run her hand over, and was so struck when she found it real, that she + hoped to find her husband guilty; and indeed she heard him talking about + the monk in her servant’s bed. Perceiving this felony, she went into a + furious rage and opened her mouth to resolve it into words— which is + the usual method of women—and wished to kick up the devil’s delight + before handing the girl over to justice. But Amador told her that it would + be more sensible to avenge herself first, and cry out afterwards. + </p> + <p> + “Avenge me quickly, then, my father,” said she, “that I may begin to cry + out.” + </p> + <p> + Thereupon the monk avenged her most monastically with a good and ample + vengeance, that she indulged in as a drunkard who puts his lips to the + bunghole of a barrel; for when a lady avenges herself, she should get + drunk with vengeance, or not taste it at all. And the chatelaine was + revenged to that degree that she could not move; since nothing agitates, + takes away the breath, and exhausts, like anger and vengeance. But + although she were avenged, and doubly and trebly avenged, yet would she + not forgive, in order that she might reserve the right of avenging herself + with the monk, now here, now there. Perceiving this love for vengeance, + Amador promised to aid her in it as long as her ire lasted, for he + informed her that he knew in his quality of a monk, constrained to + meditate long on the nature of things, an infinite number of modes, + methods, and manners of practicing revenge. + </p> + <p> + Then he pointed out to her canonically what a Christian thing it is to + revenge oneself, because all through the Holy Scriptures God declares + Himself, above all things, to be a God of vengeance; and moreover, + demonstrates to us, by his establishment in the infernal regions, how + royally divine a thing vengeance is, since His vengeance is eternal. From + which it followed, that women with monks ought to revenge themselves, + under pain of not being Christians and faithful servants of celestial + doctrines. + </p> + <p> + This dogma pleased the lady much, and she confessed that she had never + understood the commandments of the Church, and invited her well-beloved + monk to enlighten her thoroughly concerning them. Then the chatelaine, + whose vital spirits had been excited by the vengeance which had refreshed + them, went into the room where the jade was amusing herself, and by chance + found her with her hand where she, the chatelaine, often had her eye—like + the merchants have on their most precious articles, in order to see that + they were not stolen. They were—according to President Lizet, when + he was in a merry mood—a couple taken in flagrant delectation, and + looked dumbfounded, sheepish and foolish. The sight that met her eyes + displeased the lady beyond the power of words to express, as it appeared + by her discourse, of which to roughness was similar to that of the water + of a big pond when the sluice-gates were opened. It was a sermon in three + heads, accompanied with music of a high gamut, varied in tones, with many + sharps among the keys. + </p> + <p> + “Out upon virtue! my lord; I’ve had my share of it. You have shown me that + religion in conjugal faith is an abuse; this is then the reason that I + have no son. How many children have you consigned to this common oven, + this poor-box, this bottomless alms-purse, this leper’s porringer, the + true cemetery of the House of Cande? I will know if I am childless from a + constitutional defect, or through your fault. I will have handsome + cavaliers, in order that I may have an heir. You can get the bastards, I + the legitimate children.” + </p> + <p> + “My dear,” said the bewildered lord, “don’t shout so.” + </p> + <p> + “But,” replied the lady, “I will shout, and shout to make myself heard, + heard by the archbishop, heard by the legate, by the king, by my brothers, + who will avenge this infamy for me.” + </p> + <p> + “Do not dishonour your husband!” + </p> + <p> + “This is dishonour then? You are right; but, my lord, it is not brought + about by you, but by this hussy, whom I will have sewn up in a sack, and + thrown into the Indre; thus your dishonour will be washed away. Hi! + there,” she called out. + </p> + <p> + “Silence, madame!” said the sire, as shamefaced as a blind man’s dog; + because this great warrior, so ready to kill others, was like a child in + the hands of his wife, a state of affairs to which soldiers are + accustomed, because in them lies the strength and is found all the dull + carnality of matter; while, on the contrary, in woman is a subtle spirit + and a scintillation of perfumed flame that lights up paradise and dazzles + the male. This is the reason that certain women govern their husbands, + because mind is the master of matter. + </p> + <p> + (At this the ladies began to laugh, as did also the king). + </p> + <p> + “I will not be silent,” said the lady of Cande (said the abbot, continuing + his tale); “I have been too grossly outraged. This, then, is the reward of + the wealth that I brought you, and of my virtuous conduct! Did I ever + refuse to obey you even during Lent, and on fast days? Am I so cold as to + freeze the sun? Do you think that I embrace by force, from duty, or pure + kindness of heart! Am I too hallowed for you to touch? Am I a holy shrine? + Was there need of a papal brief to kiss me? God’s truth! have you had so + much of me that you are tired? Am I not to your taste? Do charming wenches + know more than ladies? Ha! perhaps it is so, since she has let you work in + the field without sowing. Teach me the business; I will practice it with + those whom I take into my service, for it is settled that I am free. That + is as we should be. Your society was wearisome, and the little pleasure I + derived from it cost me too dear. Thank God! I am quit of you and your + whims, because I intend to retire to a monastery.” . . . She meant to say + a convent, but this avenging monk had perverted her tongue. + </p> + <p> + “And I shall be more comfortable in this monastery with my daughter, than + in this place of abominable wickedness. You can inherit from your wench. + Ha, ha! The fine lady of Cande! Look at her!” + </p> + <p> + “What is the matter?” said Amador, appearing suddenly upon the scene. + </p> + <p> + “The matter is, my father,” replied she, “that my wrongs cry aloud for + vengeance. To begin with, I shall have this trollop thrown into the river, + sewn up in a sack, for having diverted the seed of the House of Cande from + its proper channel. It will be saving the hangman a job. For the rest I + will—” + </p> + <p> + “Abandon your anger, my daughter,” said the monk. “It is commanded us by + the Church to forgive those who trespass against us, if we would find + favour in the side of Heaven, because you pardon those who also pardon + others. God avenges himself eternally on those who have avenged + themselves, but keeps in His paradise those who have pardoned. From that + comes the jubilee, which is a day of great rejoicing, because all debts + and offences are forgiven. Thus it is a source of happiness to pardon. + Pardon! Pardon! To pardon is a most holy work. Pardon Monseigneur de + Cande, who will bless you for your gracious clemency, and will henceforth + love you much; This forgiveness will restore to you the flower of youth; + and believe, my dear sweet young lady, that forgiveness is in certain + cases the best means of vengeance. Pardon your maid-servant, who will pray + heaven for you. Thus God, supplicated by all, will have you in His + keeping, and will bless you with male lineage for this pardon.” + </p> + <p> + Thus saying, the monk took the hand of the sire, placed it in that of the + lady, and added— + </p> + <p> + “Go and talk over the pardon.” + </p> + <p> + And then he whispered into the husband’s ears this sage advice— + </p> + <p> + “My lord, use your best argument, and you will silence her with it, + because a woman’s mouth it is only full of words when she is empty + elsewhere. Argue continually, and thus you will always have the upper hand + of your wife.” + </p> + <p> + “By the body of the Jupiter! There’s good in this monk after all,” said + the seigneur, as he went out. + </p> + <p> + As soon as Amador found himself alone with Perrotte he spoke to her, as + follows— + </p> + <p> + “You are to blame, my dear, for having wished to torment a poor servant of + God; therefore are you now the object of celestial wrath, which will fall + upon you. To whatever place you fly it will always follow you, will seize + upon you in every limb, even after your death, and will cook you like a + pasty in the oven of hell, where you will simmer eternally, and every day + you will receive seven hundred thousand million lashes of the whip, for + the one I received through you.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! holy Father,” said the wench, casting herself at the monk’s feet, + “you alone can save me, for in your gown I should be sheltered from the + anger of God.” + </p> + <p> + Saying this, she raised the robe to place herself beneath it, and + exclaimed— + </p> + <p> + “By my faith! monks are better than knights.” + </p> + <p> + “By the sulphur of the devil! You are not acquainted with the monks?” + </p> + <p> + “No,” said Perrotte. + </p> + <p> + “And you don’t know the service that monks sing without saying a word?” + </p> + <p> + “No.” + </p> + <p> + Thereupon the monk went through this said service for her, as it is sung + on great feast days, with all the grand effects used in monasteries, the + psalms well chanted in f major, the flaming tapers, and the choristers, + and explained to her the <i>Introit</i>, and also the <i>ite missa est</i>, + and departed, leaving her so sanctified that the wrath of heaven would + have great difficulty in discovering any portion of the girl that was not + thoroughly monasticated. + </p> + <p> + By his orders, Perrotte conducted him to Mademoiselle de Cande, the lord’s + sister, to whom he went in order to learn if it was her desire to confess + to him, because monks came so rarely to the castle. The lady was + delighted, as would any good Christian have been, at such a chance of + clearing out her conscience. Amador requested her to show him her + conscience, and she having allowed him to see that which he considered the + conscience of old maids, he found it in a bad state, and told her that the + sins of women were accomplished there; that to be for the future without + sin it was necessary to have the conscience corked up by a monk’s + indulgence. The poor ignorant lady having replied that she did not know + where these indulgences were to be had, the monk informed her that he had + a relic with him which enabled him to grant one, that nothing was more + indulgent than this relic, because without saying a word it produced + infinite pleasures, which is the true, eternal and primary character of an + indulgence. The poor lady was so pleased with this relic, the virtue of + which she tried in various ways, that her brain became muddled, and she + had so much faith in it that she indulged as devoutly in indulgences as + the Lady of Cande had indulged in vengeances. This business of confession + woke up the younger Demoiselle de Cande, who came to watch the + proceedings. You may imagine that the monk had hoped for this occurrence, + since his mouth had watered at the sight of this fair blossom, whom he + also confessed, because the elder lady could not hinder him from bestowing + upon the younger one, who wished it, what remained of the indulgences. + But, remember, this pleasure was due to him for the trouble he had taken. + The morning having dawned, the pigs having eaten their tripe, and the cats + having become disenchanted with love, and having watered all the places + rubbed with herbs, Amador went to rest himself in his bed, which Perrotte + had put straight again. Every one slept, thanks to the monk, so long, that + no one in the castle was up before noon, which was the dinner hour. The + servants all believed the monk to be a devil who had carried off the cats, + the pigs, and also their masters. In spite of these ideas however, every + one was in the room at meal time. + </p> + <p> + “Come, my father,” said the chatelaine, giving her arm to the monk, whom + she put at her side in the baron’s chair, to the great astonishment of the + attendants, because the Sire of Cande said not a word. “Page, give some of + this to Father Amador,” said madame. + </p> + <p> + “Father Amador has need of so and so,” said the Demoiselle de Cande. + </p> + <p> + “Fill up Father Amador’s goblet,” said the sire. + </p> + <p> + “Father Amador has no bread,” said the little lady. + </p> + <p> + “What do you require, Father Amador?” said Perrotte. + </p> + <p> + It was Father Amador here, and Father Amador there. He was regaled like a + little maiden on her wedding night. + </p> + <p> + “Eat, father,” said madame; “you made such a bad meal yesterday.” + </p> + <p> + “Drink, father,” said the sire. “You are, s’blood! the finest monk I have + ever set eyes on.” + </p> + <p> + “Father Amador is a handsome monk,” said Perrotte. + </p> + <p> + “An indulgent monk,” said the demoiselle. + </p> + <p> + “A beneficent monk,” said the little one. + </p> + <p> + “A great monk,” said the lady. + </p> + <p> + “A monk who well deserves his name,” said the clerk of the castle. + </p> + <p> + Amador munched and chewed, tried all the dishes, lapped up the hypocras, + licked his chops, sneezed, blew himself out, strutted and stamped about + like a bull in a field. The others regarded him with great fear, believing + him to be a magician. Dinner over, the Lady of Cande, the demoiselle, and + the little one, besought the Sire of Cande with a thousand fine arguments, + to terminate the litigation. A great deal was said to him by madame, who + pointed out to him how useful a monk was in a castle; by mademoiselle, who + wished for the future to polish up her conscience every day; by the little + one, who pulled her father’s beard, and asked that this monk might always + be at Cande. If ever the difference were arranged, it would be by the + monk: the monk was of a good understanding, gentle and virtuous as a + saint; it was a misfortune to be at enmity with a monastery containing + such monks. If all the monks were like him, the abbey would always have + everywhere the advantage of the castle, and would ruin it, because this + monk was very strong. Finally, they gave utterance to a thousand reasons, + which were like a deluge of words, and were so pluvially showered down + that the sire yielded, saying, that there would never be a moment’s peace + in the house until matters were settled to the satisfaction of the women. + Then he sent for the clerk, who wrote down for him, and also for the monk. + Then Amador surprised them exceedingly by showing them the charters and + the letters of credit, which would prevent the sire and his clerk delaying + this agreement. When the Lady of Cande saw them about to put an end to + this old case, she went to the linen chest to get some fine cloth to make + a new gown for her dear Amador. Every one in the house had noticed how + this old gown was worn, and it would have been a great shame to leave such + a treasure in such a worn-out case. Everyone was eager to work at the + gown. Madame cut it, the servant put the hood on, the demoiselle sewed it, + and the little demoiselle worked at the sleeves. And all set so heartily + to work to adorn the monk, that the robe was ready by supper time, as was + also the charter of agreement prepared and sealed by the Sire de Cande. + </p> + <p> + “Ah, my father!” said the lady, “if you love us, you will refresh yourself + after your merry labour by washing yourself in a bath that I have had + heated by Perrotte.” + </p> + <p> + Amador was then bathed in scented water. When he came out he found a new + robe of fine linen and lovely sandals ready for him, which made him appear + the most glorious monk in the world. + </p> + <p> + Meanwhile the monks of Turpenay fearing for Amador, had ordered two of + their number to spy about the castle. These spies came round by the moat, + just as Perrotte threw Amador’s greasy old gown, with other rubbish, into + it. Seeing which, they thought that it was all over with the poor madman. + They therefore returned, and announced that it was certain Amador had + suffered martyrdom in the service of the abbey. Hearing which the abbot + ordered them to assemble in the chapel and pray to God, in order to assist + this devoted servant in his torments. The monk having supped, put his + charter into his girdle, and wished to return to Turpenay. Then he found + at the foot of the steps madame’s mare, bridled and saddled, and held + ready for him by a groom. The lord had ordered his men-at-arms to + accompany the good monk, so that no accident might befall him. Seeing + which, Amador pardoned the tricks of the night before, and bestowed his + benediction upon every one before taking his departure from this converted + place. Madame followed him with her eyes, and proclaimed him a splendid + rider. Perrotte declared that for a monk he held himself more upright in + the saddle than any of the men-at-arms. Mademoiselle de Cande sighed. The + little one wished to have him for her confessor. + </p> + <p> + “He has sanctified the castle,” said they, when they were in the room + again. + </p> + <p> + When Amador and his suite came to the gates of the abbey, a scene of + terror ensued, since the guardian thought that the Sire de Cande had had + his appetite for monks whetted by the blood of poor Amador, and wished to + sack the abbey. But Amador shouted with his fine bass voice, and was + recognised and admitted into the courtyard; and when he dismounted from + madame’s mare there was enough uproar to make the monks as a wild as April + moons. They gave vent to shouts of joy in the refectory, and all came to + congratulate Amador, who waved the charter over his head. The men-at-arms + were regaled with the best wine in the cellars, which was a present made + to the monks of Turpenay by those of Marmoustier, to whom belonged the + lands of Vouvray. The good abbot having had the document of the Sieur de + Cande read, went about saying— + </p> + <p> + “On these divine occasions there always appears the finger of God, to whom + we should render thanks.” + </p> + <p> + As the good abbot kept on at the finger of God, when thanking Amador, the + monk, annoyed to see the instrument of their delivery thus diminished, + said to him— + </p> + <p> + “Well, say that it is the arm, my father, and drop the subject.” + </p> + <p> + The termination of the trial between the Sieur de Cande and the abbey of + Turpenay was followed by a blessing which rendered him devoted to the + Church, because nine months after he had a son. Two years afterwards + Amador was chosen as abbot by the monks, who reckoned upon a merry + government with a madcap. But Amador become an abbot, became steady and + austere, because he had conquered his evil desires by his labours, and + recast his nature at the female forge, in which is that fire which is the + most perfecting, persevering, persistent, perdurable, permanent, + perennial, and permeating fire that there ever was in the world. It is a + fire to ruin everything, and it ruined so well the evil that was in + Amador, that it left only that which it could not eat—that is, his + wit, which was as clear as a diamond, which is, as everyone knows, a + residue of the great fire by which our globe was formerly carbonised. + Amador was then the instrument chosen by Providence to reform our + illustrious abbey, since he put everything right there, watched night and + day over his monks, made them all rise at the hours appointed for prayers, + counted them in chapel as a shepherd counts his sheep, kept them well in + hand, and punished their faults severely, that he made them most virtuous + brethren. + </p> + <p> + This teaches us to look upon womankind more as the instruments of our + salvation than of our pleasure. Besides which, this narrative teaches us + that we should never attempt to struggle with the Churchmen. + </p> + <p> + The king and the queen had found this tale in the best taste; the + courtiers confessed that they had never heard a better; and the ladies + would all willingly have been the heroines of it. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0040" id="link2H_4_0040"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + BERTHA THE PENITENT + </h2> + <p> + I HOW BERTHA REMAINED A MAIDEN IN THE MARRIED STATE + </p> + <p> + About the time of the first flight of the Dauphin, which threw our good + Sire, Charles the Victorious, into a state of great dejection, there + happened a great misfortune to a noble House of Touraine, since extinct in + every branch; and it is owing to this fact that this most deplorable + history may now be safely brought to light. To aid him in this work the + author calls to his assistance the holy confessors, martyrs, and other + celestial dominations, who, by the commandments of God, were the promoters + of good in this affair. + </p> + <p> + From some defect in his character, the Sire Imbert de Bastarnay, one of + the most landed lords in our land of Touraine, had no confidence in the + mind of the female of man, whom he considered much too animated, on + account of her numerous vagaries, and it may be he was right. In + consequence of this idea he reached his old age without a companion, which + was certainly not to his advantage. Always leading a solitary life, this + said man had no idea of making himself agreeable to others, having only + been mixed up with wars and the orgies of bachelors, with whom he did not + put himself out of the way. Thus he remained stale in his garments, sweaty + in his accoutrements, with dirty hands and an apish face. In short, he + looked the ugliest man in Christendom. As far as regards his person only + though, since so far as his heart, his head, and other secret places were + concerned, he had properties which rendered him most praiseworthy. An + angel (pray believe this) would have walked a long way without meeting an + old warrior firmer at his post, a lord with more spotless scutcheon, of + shorter speech, and more perfect loyalty. + </p> + <p> + Certain people have stated, they have heard that he gave sound advice, and + was a good and profitable man to consult. Was it not a strange freak on + the part of God, who plays sometimes jokes on us, to have granted so many + perfections to a man so badly apparelled? + </p> + <p> + When he was sixty in appearance, although only fifty in years, he + determined to take unto himself a wife, in order to obtain lineage. Then, + while foraging about for a place where he might be able to find a lady to + his liking, he heard much vaunted, the great merits and perfections of a + daughter of the illustrious house of Rohan, which at that time had some + property in the province. The young lady in question was called Bertha, + that being her pet name. Imbert having been to see her at the castle of + Montbazon, was, in consequence of the prettiness and innocent virtue of + the said Bertha de Rohan, seized with so great a desire to possess her, + that he determined to make her his wife, believing that never could a girl + of such lofty descent fail in her duty. This marriage was soon celebrated, + because the Sire de Rohan had seven daughters, and hardly knew how to + provide for them all, at a time when people were just recovering from the + late wars, and patching up their unsettled affairs. Now the good man + Bastarnay happily found Bertha really a maiden, which fact bore witness to + her proper bringing up and perfect maternal correction. So immediately the + night arrived when it should be lawful for him to embrace her, he got her + with a child so roughly that he had proof of the result two months after + marriage, which rendered the Sire Imbert joyful to a degree. In order that + we may here finish with this portion of the story, let us at once state + that from this legitimate grain was born the Sire de Bastarnay, who was + Duke by the grace of Louis the Eleventh, his chamberlain, and more than + that, his ambassador in the countries of Europe, and well-beloved of this + most redoubtable lord, to whom he was never faithless. His loyalty was an + heritage from his father, who from his early youth was much attached to + the Dauphin, whose fortunes he followed, even in the rebellions, since he + was a man to put Christ on the cross again if it had been required by him + to do so, which is the flower of friendship rarely to be found + encompassing princes and great people. At first, the fair lady of + Bastarnay comported herself so loyally that her society caused those thick + vapours and black clouds to vanish, which obscured the mind of this great + man, the brightness of the feminine glory. Now, according to the custom of + unbelievers, he passed from suspicion to confidence so thoroughly, that he + yielded up the government of his house to the said Bertha, made her + mistress of his deeds and actions, queen of his honour, guardian of his + grey hairs, and would have slaughtered without a contest any one who had + said an evil word concerning this mirror of virtue, on whom no breath had + fallen save the breath issued from his conjugal and marital lips, cold and + withered as they were. To speak truly on all points, it should be + explained, that to this virtuous behaviour considerably aided the little + boy, who during six years occupied day and night the attention of his + pretty mother, who first nourished him with her milk, and made of him a + lover’s lieutenant, yielding to him her sweet breasts, which he gnawed at, + hungry, as often as he would, and was, like a lover, always there. This + good mother knew no other pleasures than those of his rosy lips, had no + other caresses that those of his tiny little hands, which ran about her + like the feet of playful mice, read no other book than that in his clear + baby eyes, in which the blue sky was reflected, and listened to no other + music than his cries, which sounded in her ears as angels’ whispers. You + may be sure that she was always fondling him, had a desire to kiss him at + dawn of day, kissed him in the evening, would rise in the night to eat him + up with kisses, made herself a child as he was a child, educated him in + the perfect religion of maternity; finally, behaved as the best and + happiest mother that ever lived, without disparagement to our Lady the + Virgin, who could have had little trouble in bringing up our Saviour, + since he was God. + </p> + <p> + This employment and the little taste which Bertha had for the blisses of + matrimony much delighted the old man, since he would have been unable to + return the affection of a too amorous wife, and desired to practice + economy, to have the wherewithal for a second child. + </p> + <p> + After six years had passed away, the mother was compelled to give her son + into the hands of the grooms and other persons to whom Messire de + Bastarnay committed the task to mould him properly, in order that his heir + should have an heritage of the virtues, qualities and courage of the + house, as well as the domains and the name. Then did Bertha shed many + tears, her happiness being gone. For the great heart of this mother it was + nothing to have this well-beloved son after others, and during only + certain short fleeting hours. Therefore she became sad and melancholy. + Noticing her grief, the good man wished to bestow upon her another child + and could not, and the poor lady was displeased thereat, because she + declared that the making of a child wearied her much and cost her dear. + And this is true, or no doctrine is true, and you must burn the Gospels as + a pack of stories if you have not faith in this innocent remark. + </p> + <p> + This, nevertheless, to certain ladies (I did not mention men, since they + have a smattering of the science), will still seem an untruth. The writer + has taken care here to give the mute reasons for this strange antipathy; I + mean the distastes of Bertha, because I love the ladies above all things, + knowing that for want of the pleasure of love, my face would grow old and + my heart torment me. Did you ever meet a scribe so complacent and so fond + of the ladies as I am? No; of course not. Therefore, do I love them + devotedly, but not so often as I could wish, since I have oftener in my + hands my goose-quill than I have the barbs with which one tickles their + lips to make them laugh and be merry in all innocence. I understand them, + and in this way. + </p> + <p> + The good man Bastarnay was not a smart young fellow of an amorous nature, + and acquainted with the pranks of the thing. He did not trouble himself + much about the fashion in which he killed a soldier so long as he killed + him; that he would have killed him in all ways without saying a word in + battle, is, of course, understood. The perfect heedlessness in the matter + of death was in accordance with the nonchalance in the matter of life, the + birth and manner of begetting a child, and the ceremonies thereto + appertaining. The good sire was ignorant of the many litigious, dilatory, + interlocutory and proprietary exploits and the little humourings of the + little fagots placed in the oven to heat it; of the sweet perfumed + branches gathered little by little in the forests of love, fondlings, + coddlings, huggings, nursing, the bites at the cherry, the cat-licking, + and other little tricks and traffic of love which ruffians know, which + lovers preserve, and which the ladies love better than their salvation, + because there is more of the cat than the woman in them. This shines forth + in perfect evidence in their feminine ways. If you think it worth while + watching them, examine them attentively while they eat: not one of them (I + am speaking of women, noble and well-educated) puts her knife in the + eatables and thrusts it into her mouth, as do brutally the males; no, they + turn over their food, pick the pieces that please them as they would gray + peas in a dovecote; they suck the sauces by mouthfuls; play with their + knife and spoon as if they are only ate in consequence of a judge’s order, + so much do they dislike to go straight to the point, and make free use of + variations, finesse, and little tricks in everything, which is the + especial attribute of these creatures, and the reason that the sons of + Adam delight in them, since they do everything differently to themselves, + and they do well. You think so too. Good! I love you. + </p> + <p> + Now then, Imbert de Bastarnay, an old soldier, ignorant of the tricks of + love, entered into the sweet garden of Venus as he would into a place + taken by assault, without giving any heed to the cries of the poor + inhabitants in tears, and placed a child as he would an arrow in the dark. + Although the gentle Bertha was not used to such treatment (poor child, she + was but fifteen), she believed in her virgin faith, that the happiness of + becoming a mother demanded this terrible, dreadful bruising and nasty + business; so during his painful task she would pray to God to assist her, + and recite <i>Aves</i> to our Lady, esteeming her lucky, in only having + the Holy Ghost to endure. By this means, never having experienced anything + but pain in marriage, she never troubled her husband to go through the + ceremony again. Now seeing that the old fellow was scarcely equal to it—as + has been before stated—she lived in perfect solitude, like a nun. + She hated the society of men, and never suspected that the Author of the + world had put so much joy in that from which she had only received + infinite misery. But she loved all the more her little one, who had cost + her so much before he was born. Do not be astonished, therefore, that she + held aloof from that gallant tourney in which it is the mare who governs + her cavalier, guides him, fatigues him, and abuses him, if he stumbles. + This is the true history of certain unhappy unions, according to the + statement of the old men and women, and the certain reason of the follies + committed by certain women, who too late perceive, I know not how, that + they have been deceived, and attempt to crowd into a day more time than it + will hold, to have their proper share of life. That is philosophical, my + friends. Therefore study well this page, in order that you may wisely look + to the proper government of your wives, your sweethearts, and all females + generally, and particularly those who by chance may be under your care, + from which God preserve you. + </p> + <p> + Thus a virgin in deed, although a mother, Bertha was in her + one-and-twentieth year a castle flower, the glory of her good man, and the + honour of the province. The said Bastarnay took great pleasure in + beholding this child come, go, and frisk about like a willow-switch, as + lively as an eel, as innocent as her little one, and still most sensible + and of sound understanding; so much so that he never undertook any project + without consulting her about it, seeing that if the minds of these angels + have not been disturbed in their purity, they give a sound answer to + everything one asks of them. At this time Bertha lived near the town of + Loches, in the castle of her lord, and there resided, with no desire to do + anything but look after her household duties, after the old custom of the + good housewives, from which the ladies of France were led away when Queen + Catherine and the Italians came with their balls and merry-makings. To + these practices Francis the First and his successors, whose easy ways did + as much harm to the State of France as the goings on of the Protestants + lent their aid. This, however, has nothing to do with my story. + </p> + <p> + About this time the lord and lady of Bastarnay were invited by the king to + come to his town of Loches, where for the present he was with his court, + in which the beauty of the lady of Bastarnay had made a great noise. + Bertha came to Loches, received many kind praises from the king, was the + centre of the homage of all the young nobles, who feasted their eyes on + this apple of love, and of the old ones, who warmed themselves at this + sun. But you may be sure that all of them, old and young, would have + suffered death a thousand times over to have at their service this + instrument of joy, which dazzled their eyes and muddled their brains. + Bertha was more talked about in Loches then either God or the Gospels, + which enraged a great many ladies who were not so bountifully endowed with + charms, and would have given all that was left of their honour to have + sent back to her castle this fair gatherer of smiles. + </p> + <p> + A young lady having early perceived that one of her lovers was smitten + with Bertha, took such a hatred to her that from it arose all the + misfortunes of the lady of Bastarnay; but also from the same source came + her happiness, and her discovery of the gentle land of love, of which she + was ignorant. This wicked lady had a relation who had confessed to her, + directly he saw Bertha, that to be her lover he would be willing to die + after a month’s happiness with her. Bear in mind that this cousin was as + handsome as a girl is beautiful, had no hair on his chin, would have + gained his enemy’s forgiveness by asking for it, so melodious was his + young voice, and was scarcely twenty years of age. + </p> + <p> + “Dear cousin,” said she to him, “leave the room, and go to your house; I + will endeavour to give you this joy. But do not let yourself be seen by + her, nor by that old baboon-face by an error of nature on a Christian’s + body, and to whom belongs this beauteous fay.” + </p> + <p> + The young gentleman out of the way, the lady came rubbing her treacherous + nose against Bertha’s, and called her “My friend, my treasure, my star of + beauty”; trying every way to be agreeable to her, to make her vengeance + more certain on the poor child who, all unwittingly, had caused her + lover’s heart to be faithless, which, for women ambitious in love, is the + worst of infidelities. After a little conversation, the plotting lady + suspected that poor Bertha was a maiden in matters of love, when she saw + her eyes full of limpid water, no marks on the temples, no little black + speck on the point of her little nose, white as snow, where usually the + marks of the amusement are visible, no wrinkle on her brow; in short, no + habit of pleasure apparent on her face—clear as the face of an + innocent maiden. Then this traitress put certain women’s questions to her, + and was perfectly assured by the replies of Bertha, that if she had had + the profit of being a mother, the pleasures of love had been denied to + her. At this she rejoiced greatly on her cousin’s behalf—like the + good woman she was. + </p> + <p> + Then she told her, that in the town of Loches there lived a young and + noble lady, of the family of a Rohan, who at that time had need of the + assistance of a lady of position to be reconciled with the Sire Louis de + Rohan; that if she had as much goodness as God had given her beauty, she + would take her with her to the castle, ascertain for herself the sanctity + of her life, and bring about a reconciliation with the Sire de Rohan, who + refused to receive her. To this Bertha consented without hesitation, + because the misfortunes of this girl were known to her, but not the poor + young lady herself, whose name was Sylvia, and whom she had believed to be + in a foreign land. + </p> + <p> + It is here necessary to state why the king had given this invitation to + the Sire de Bastarnay. He had a suspicion of the first flight of his son + the Dauphin into Burgundy, and wished to deprive him of so good a + counsellor as was the said Bastarnay. But the veteran, faithful to young + Louis, had already, without saying a word, made up his mind. Therefore he + took Bertha back to his castle; but before they set out she told him she + had taken a companion and introduced her to him. It was the young lord, + disguised as a girl, with the assistance of his cousin, who was jealous of + Bertha, and annoyed at her virtue. Imbert drew back a little when he + learned that it was Sylvia de Rohan, but was also much affected at the + kindness of Bertha, whom he thanked for her attempt to bring a little + wandering lamb back to the fold. He made much of his wife, when his last + night at home came, left men-at-arms about his castle, and then set out + with the Dauphin for Burgundy, having a cruel enemy in his bosom without + suspecting it. The face of the young lad was unknown to him, because he + was a young page come to see the king’s court, and who had been brought up + by the Cardinal Dunois, in whose service he was a knight-bachelor. + </p> + <p> + The old lord, believing that he was a girl, thought him very modest and + timid, because the lad, doubting the language of his eyes, kept them + always cast down; and when Bertha kissed him on the mouth, he trembled + lest his petticoat might be indiscreet, and would walk away to the window, + so fearful was he of being recognised as a man by Bastarnay, and killed + before he had made love to the lady. + </p> + <p> + Therefore he was as joyful as any lover would have been in his place, when + the portcullis was lowered, and the old lord galloped away across the + country. He had been in such suspense that he made a vow to build a pillar + at his own expense in the cathedral at Tours, because he had escaped the + danger of his mad scheme. He gave, indeed, fifty gold marks to pay God for + his delight. But by chance he had to pay for it over again to the devil, + as it appears from the following facts if the tale pleases you well enough + to induce you to follow the narrative, which will be succinct, as all good + speeches should be. + </p> + <p> + II HOW BERTHA BEHAVED, KNOWING THE BUSINESS OF LOVE + </p> + <p> + This bachelor was the young Sire Jehan de Sacchez, cousin of the Sieur de + Montmorency, to whom, by the death of the said Jehan, the fiefs of Sacchez + and other places would return, according to the deed of tenure. He was + twenty years of age and glowed like a burning coal; therefore you may be + sure that he had a hard job to get through the first day. While old Imbert + was galloping across the fields, the two cousins perched themselves under + the lantern of the portcullis, in order to keep him the longer in view, + and waved him signals of farewells. When the clouds of dust raised by the + heels of the horses were no longer visible upon the horizon, they came + down and went into the great room of the castle. + </p> + <p> + “What shall we do, dear cousin?” said Bertha to the false Sylvia. “Do you + like music? We will play together. Let us sing the lay of some sweet + ancient bard. Eh? What do you say? Come to my organ; come along. As you + love me, sing!” + </p> + <p> + Then she took Jehan by the hand and led him to the keyboard of the organ, + at which the young fellow seated himself prettily, after the manner of + women. “Ah! sweet coz,” cried Bertha, as soon as the first notes tried, + the lad turned his head towards her, in order that they might sing + together. “Ah! sweet coz you have a wonderful glance in your eye; you move + I know not what in my heart.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! cousin,” replied the false Sylvia, “that it is which has been my + ruin. A sweet milord of the land across the sea told me so often that I + had fine eyes, and kissed them so well, that I yielded, so much pleasure + did I feel in letting them be kissed.” + </p> + <p> + “Cousin, does love then, commence in the eyes?” + </p> + <p> + “In them is the forge of Cupid’s bolts, my dear Bertha,” said the lover, + casting fire and flame at her. + </p> + <p> + “Let us go on with our singing.” + </p> + <p> + They then sang, by Jehan’s desire, a lay of Christine de Pisan, every word + of which breathed love. + </p> + <p> + “Ah! cousin, what a deep and powerful voice you have. It seems to pierce + me.” + </p> + <p> + “Where?” said the impudent Sylvia. + </p> + <p> + “There,” replied Bertha, touching her little diaphragm, where the sounds + of love are understood better than by the ears, but the diaphragm lies + nearer the heart, and that which is undoubtedly the first brain, the + second heart, and the third ear of the ladies. I say this, with all + respect and with all honour, for physical reasons and for no others. + </p> + <p> + “Let us leave off singing,” said Bertha; “it has too great an effect upon + me. Come to the window; we can do needlework until the evening.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! dear cousin of my soul, I don’t know how to hold the needle in my + fingers, having been accustomed, to my perdition to do something else with + them.” + </p> + <p> + “Eh! what did you do then all day long?” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! I yielded to the current of love, which makes days seem Instants, + months seem days, and years months; and if it could last, would gulp down + eternity like a strawberry, seeing that it is all youth and fragrance, + sweetness and endless joy.” + </p> + <p> + Then the youth dropped his beautiful eyelids over his eyes, and remained + as melancholy as a poor lady who has been abandoned by her lover, who + weeps for him, wishes to kiss him, and would pardon his perfidy, if he + would but seek once again the sweet path to his once-loved fold. + </p> + <p> + “Cousin, does love blossom in the married state?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh no,” said Sylvia; “because in the married state everything is duty, + but in love everything is done in perfect freedom of heart. This + difference communicates an indescribable soft balm to those caresses which + are the flowers of love.” + </p> + <p> + “Cousin, let us change the conversation; it affects me more than did the + music.” + </p> + <p> + She called hastily to a servant to bring her boy to her, who came, and + when Sylvia saw him, she exclaimed— + </p> + <p> + “Ah! the little dear, he is as beautiful as love.” + </p> + <p> + Then she kissed him heartily upon the forehead. + </p> + <p> + “Come, my little one,” said the mother, as the child clambered into her + lap. “Thou art thy mother’s blessing, her unclouded joy, the delight of + her every hour, her crown, her jewel, her own pure pearl, her spotless + soul, her treasure, her morning and evening star, her only flame, and her + heart’s darling. Give me thy hands, that I may eat them; give me thine + ears, that I may bite them; give me thy head, that I may kiss thy curls. + Be happy sweet flower of my body, that I may be happy too.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! cousin,” said Sylvia, “you are speaking the language of love to him.” + </p> + <p> + “Love is a child then?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, cousin; therefore the heathen always portrayed him as a little boy.” + </p> + <p> + And with many other remarks fertile in the imagery of love, the two pretty + cousins amused themselves until supper time, playing with the child. + </p> + <p> + “Would you like to have another?” whispered Jehan, at an opportune moment, + into his cousin’s ear, which he touched with his warm lips. + </p> + <p> + “Ah! Sylvia! for that I would ensure a hundred years of purgatory, if it + would only please God to give me that joy. But in spite of the work, + labour, and industry of my spouse, which causes me much pain, my waist + does not vary in size. Alas! It is nothing to have but one child. If I + hear the sound of a cry in the castle, my heart beats ready to burst. I + fear man and beast alike for this innocent darling; I dread volts, passes, + and manual exercises; in fact, I dread everything. I live not in myself, + but in him alone. And, alas! I like to endure these miseries, because when + I fidget, and tremble, it is a sign that my offspring is safe and sound. + To be brief—for I am never weary of talking on this subject—I + believe that my breath is in him, and not in myself.” + </p> + <p> + With these words she hugged him to her breasts, as only mothers know how + to hug children, with a spiritual force that is felt only in their hearts. + If you doubt this, watch a cat carrying her kittens in her mouth, not one + of them gives a single mew. The youthful gallant, who had certain fears + about watering this fair, unfertile plain, was reassured by this speech. + He thought then that it would only be following the commandments of God to + win this saint to love; and he thought right. At night Bertha asked her + cousin—according to the old custom, to which the ladies of our day + object—to keep her company in her big seigneurial bed. To which + request Sylvia replied—in order to keep up the role of a well-born + maiden—that nothing would give her greater pleasure. The curfew + rang, and found the two cousins in a chamber richly ornamented with + carpeting, fringes, and royal tapestries, and Bertha began gracefully to + disarray herself, assisted by her women. You can imagine that her + companion modestly declined their services, and told her cousin, with a + little blush, that she was accustomed to undress herself ever since she + had lost the services of her dearly beloved, who had put her out of + conceit with feminine fingers by his gentle ways; that these preparations + brought back the pretty speeches he used to make, and his merry pranks + while playing the lady’s-maid; and that to her injury, the memory of all + these things brought the water into her mouth. + </p> + <p> + This discourse considerably astonished the lady Bertha, who let her cousin + say her prayers, and make other preparations for the night beneath the + curtains of the bed, into which my lord, inflamed with desire, soon + tumbled, happy at being able to catch an occasional glimpse of the + wondrous charms of the chatelaine, which were in no way injured. Bertha, + believing herself to be with an experienced girl, did not omit any of the + usual practices; she washed her feet, not minding whether she raised them + little or much, exposed her delicate little shoulders, and did as all the + ladies do when they are retiring to rest. At last she came to bed, and + settled herself comfortably in it, kissing her cousin on the lips, which + she found remarkably warm. + </p> + <p> + “Are you unwell, Sylvia, that you burn so?” said she. + </p> + <p> + “I always burn like that when I go to bed,” replied her companion, + “because at that time there comes back to my memory the pretty little + tricks that he invented to please me, and which make me burn still more.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! cousin, tell me all about this he. Tell all the sweets of love to me, + who live beneath the shadow of a hoary head, of which the snows keep me + from such warm feelings. Tell me all; you are cured. It will be a good + warning to me, and then your misfortunes will have been a salutary lesson + to two poor weak women.” + </p> + <p> + “I do not know I ought to obey you, sweet cousin,” said the youth. + </p> + <p> + “Tell me, why not?” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! deeds are better than words,” said the false maiden, heaving a deep + sigh as the <i>ut</i> of an organ. “But I am afraid that this milord has + encumbered me with so much joy that you may get a little of it, which + would be enough to give you a daughter, since the power of engendering is + weakened in me.” + </p> + <p> + “But,” said Bertha, “between us, would it be a sin?” + </p> + <p> + “It would be, on the contrary, a joy both here and in heaven; the angels + would shed their fragrance around you, and make sweet music in your ears.” + </p> + <p> + “Tell me quickly, then,” said Bertha. + </p> + <p> + “Well, then, this is how my dear lord made my heart rejoice.” + </p> + <p> + With these words Jehan took Bertha in his arms, and strained her hungering + to his heart, for in the soft light of the lamp, and clothed with the + spotless linen, she was in this tempting bed, like the pretty petals of a + lily at the bottom of the virgin calyx. + </p> + <p> + “When he held me as I hold thee he said to me, with a voice far sweeter + than mine, ‘Ah, Bertha, thou art my eternal love, my priceless treasure, + my joy by day and my joy by night; thou art fairer than the day is day; + there is naught so pretty as thou art. I love thee more than God, and + would endure a thousand deaths for the happiness I ask of thee!’ Then he + would kiss me, not after the manner of husbands, which is rough, but in a + peculiar dove-like fashion.” + </p> + <p> + To show her there and then how much better was the method of lovers, he + sucked all the honey from Bertha’s lips, and taught her how, with her + pretty tongue, small and rosy as that of a cat, she could speak to the + heart without saying a single word, and becoming exhausted at this game, + Jehan spread the fire of his kisses from the mouth to the neck, from the + neck to the sweetest forms that ever a woman gave a child to slake its + thirst upon. And whoever had been in his place would have thought himself + a wicked man not to imitate him. + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said Bertha, fast bound in love without knowing it; “this is better. + I must take care to tell Imbert about it.” + </p> + <p> + “Are you in your proper senses, cousin? Say nothing about it to your old + husband. How could he make his hands pleasant like mine? They are as hard + as washerwoman’s beetles, and his piebald beard would hardly please this + centre of bliss, that rose in which lies our wealth, our substance, our + loves, and our fortune. Do you know that it is a living flower, which + should be fondled thus, and not used like a trombone, or as if it were a + catapult of war? Now this was the gentle way of my beloved Englishman.” + </p> + <p> + Thus saying, the handsome youth comported himself so bravely in the battle + that victory crowned his efforts, and poor innocent Bertha exclaimed— + </p> + <p> + “Ah! cousin, the angels are come! but so beautiful is the music, that I + hear nothing else, and so flaming are their luminous rays, that my eyes + are closing.” + </p> + <p> + And, indeed, she fainted under the burden of those joys of love which + burst forth in her like the highest notes of the organ, which glistened + like the most magnificent aurora, which flowed in her veins like the + finest musk, and loosened the liens of her life in giving her a child of + love, who made a great deal of confusion in taking up his quarters. + Finally, Bertha imagined herself to be in Paradise, so happy did she feel; + and woke from this beautiful dream in the arms of Jehan, exclaiming— + </p> + <p> + “Ah! who would not have been married in England!” + </p> + <p> + “My sweet mistress,” said Jehan, whose ecstasy was sooner over, “you are + married to me in France, where things are managed still better, for I am a + man who would give a thousand lives for you if he had them.” + </p> + <p> + Poor Bertha gave a shriek so sharp that it pierced the walls, and leapt + out of bed like a mountebank of the plains of Egypt would have done. She + fell upon her knees before her <i>Prie-Dieu</i>, joined her hands, and + wept more pearls than ever Mary Magdalene wore. + </p> + <p> + “Ah! I am dead” she cried; “I am deceived by a devil who has taken the + face of an angel. I am lost; I am the mother for certain of a beautiful + child, without being more guilty than you, Madame the Virgin. Implore the + pardon of God for me, if I have not that of men upon earth; or let me die, + so that I may not blush before my lord and master.” + </p> + <p> + Hearing that she said nothing against him, Jehan rose, quite aghast to see + Bertha take this charming dance for two so to heart. But the moment she + heard her Gabriel moving she sprang quickly to her feet, regarded him with + a tearful face, and her eye illumined with a holy anger, which made her + more lovely to look upon, exclaimed— + </p> + <p> + “If you advance a single step towards me, I will make one towards death!” + </p> + <p> + And she took her stiletto in her hand. + </p> + <p> + So heartrending was the tragic spectacle of her grief that Jehan answered + her— + </p> + <p> + “It is not for thee but for me to die, my dear, beautiful mistress, more + dearly loved than will ever woman be again upon this earth.” + </p> + <p> + “If you had truly loved me you would not have killed me as you have, for I + will die sooner than be reproached by my husband.” + </p> + <p> + “Will you die?” said he. + </p> + <p> + “Assuredly,” said she. + </p> + <p> + “Now, if I am here pierced with a thousand blows, you will have your + husband’s pardon, to whom you will say that if your innocence was + surprised, you have avenged his honour by killing the man who had deceived + you; and it will be the greatest happiness that could ever befall me to + die for you, the moment you refuse to live for me.” + </p> + <p> + Hearing this tender discourse spoken with tears, Bertha dropped the + dagger; Jehan sprang upon it, and thrust it into his breast, saying— + </p> + <p> + “Such happiness can be paid for but with death.” + </p> + <p> + And fell stiff and stark. + </p> + <p> + Bertha, terrified, called aloud for her maid. The servant came, and + terribly alarmed to see a wounded man in Madame’s chamber, and Madame + holding him up, crying and saying, “What have you done, my love?” because + she believed he was dead, and remembered her vanished joys, and thought + how beautiful Jehan must be, since everyone, even Imbert, believed him to + be a girl. In her sorrow she confessed all to her maid, sobbing and crying + out, “that it was quite enough to have upon her mind the life of a child + without having the death of a man as well.” Hearing this the poor lover + tried to open his eyes, and only succeeded in showing a little bit of the + white of them. + </p> + <p> + “Ha! Madame, don’t cry out,” said the servant, “let us keep our senses + together and save this pretty knight. I will go and seek La Fallotte, in + order not to let any physician or surgeon into the secret, and as she is a + sorceress she will, to please Madame, perform the miracle of healing this + wound so not a trace of it shall remain. + </p> + <p> + “Run!” replied Bertha. “I will love you, and will pay you well for this + assistance.” + </p> + <p> + But before anything else was done the lady and her maid agreed to be + silent about this adventure, and hide Jehan from every eye. Then the + servant went out into the night to seek La Fallotte, and was accompanied + by her mistress as far as the postern, because the guard could not raise + the portcullis without Bertha’s special order. Bertha found on going back + that her lover had fainted, for the blood was flowing from the wound. At + the sight she drank a little of his blood, thinking that Jehan had shed it + for her. Affected by this great love and by the danger, she kissed this + pretty varlet of pleasure on the face, bound up his wound, bathing it with + her tears, beseeching him not to die, and exclaiming that if he would live + she would love him with all her heart. You can imagine that the chatelaine + became still more enamoured while observing what a difference there was + between a young knight like Jehan, white, downy, and agreeable, and an old + fellow like Imbert, bristly, yellow, and wrinkled. This difference brought + back to her memory that which she had found in the pleasure of love. Moved + by this souvenir, her kisses became so warm that Jehan came back to his + senses, his look improved, and he could see Bertha, from whom in a feeble + voice he asked forgiveness. But Bertha forbade him to speak until La + Fallotte had arrived. Then both of them consumed the time by loving each + other with their eyes, since in those of Bertha there was nothing but + compassion, and on these occasions pity is akin to love. + </p> + +<div class="fig" style="width:35%;"> + <img src="images/462s.jpg" alt="462s " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/462.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a + href="images/462m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + La Fallotte was a hunchback, vehemently suspected of dealings in + necromancy, and of riding to nocturnal orgies on a broomstick, according + to the custom of witches. Certain persons had seen her putting the harness + on her broom in the stable, which, as everyone knows is on the housetops. + To tell the truth, she possessed certain medical secrets, and was of such + great service to ladies in certain things, and to the nobles, that she + lived in perfect tranquillity, without giving up the ghost on a pile of + fagots, but on a feather bed, for she had made a hatful of money, although + the physicians tormented her by declaring that she sold poisons, which was + certainly true, as will be shown in the sequel. The servant and La + Fallotte came on the same ass, making such haste that they arrived at the + castle before the day had fully dawned. + </p> + <p> + The old hunchback exclaimed, as she entered the chamber, “Now then, my + children, what is the matter?” + </p> + <p> + This was her manner, which was familiar with great people, who appeared + very small to her. She put on her spectacles, and carefully examined the + wound, saying— + </p> + <p> + “This is fine blood, my dear; you have tasted it. That’s all right, he has + bled externally.” + </p> + <p> + Then she washed the wound with a fine sponge, under the nose of the lady + and the servant, who held their breath. To be brief, Fallotte gave it as + her medical opinion, that the youth would not die from this blow, + “although,” said she, looking at his hand, “he will come to a violent end + through this night’s deed.” + </p> + <p> + This decree of chiromancy frightened considerably both Bertha and the + maid. Fallotte prescribed certain remedies, and promised to come again the + following night. Indeed, she tended the wound for a whole fortnight, + coming secretly at night-time. The people about the castle were told by + the servants that their young lady, Sylvia de Rohan, was in danger of + death, through a swelling of the stomach, which must remain a mystery for + the honour of Madame, who was her cousin. Each one was satisfied with this + story, of which his mouth was so full that he told it to his fellows. + </p> + <p> + The good people believe that it was the malady which was fraught with + danger; but it was not! it was the convalescence, for the stronger Jehan + grew, the weaker Bertha became, and so weak that she allowed herself to + drift into that Paradise the gates of which Jehan had opened for her. To + be brief, she loved him more and more. But in the midst of her happiness, + always mingled with apprehension at the menacing words of Fallotte, and + tormented by her great religion, she was in great fear of her husband, + Imbert, to whom she was compelled to write that he had given her a child, + who would be ready to delight him on his return. Poor Bertha avoided her + lover, Jehan, during the day on which she wrote the lying letter, over + which she soaked her handkerchief with tears. Finding himself avoided (for + they had previously left each other no more than fire leaves the wood it + has bitten) Jehan believed that she was beginning to hate him, and + straightway he cried too. In the evening Bertha, touched by his tears, + which had left their mark upon his eyes, although he had well dried them, + told him the cause of her sorrow, mingling therewith her confessions of + her terrors for the future, pointing out to him how much they were both to + blame, and discoursing so beautifully to him, gave utterance to such + Christian sentences, ornamented with holy tears and contrite prayers, that + Jehan was touched to the quick by the sincerity of his mistress. This love + innocently united to repentance, this nobility in sin, this mixture of + weakness and strength, would, as the old authors say, have changed the + nature of a tiger, melting it to pity. You will not be astonished then, + that Jehan was compelled to pledge his word as a knight-bachelor, to obey + her in what ever she should command him, to save her in this world and in + the next. Delighted at this confidence in her, and this goodness of heart, + Bertha cast herself at Jehan’s feet, and kissing them, exclaimed— + </p> + <p> + “Oh! my love, whom I am compelled to love, although it is a mortal sin to + do so, thou who art so good, so gentle to thy poor Bertha, if thou wouldst + have her always think of thee with pleasure, and stop the torrent of her + tears, whose source is so pretty and so pleasant (here, to show him that + it was so, she let him steal a kiss)—Jehan, if thou wouldst that the + memory of our celestial joys, angel music, and the fragrance of love + should be a consolation to me in my loneliness rather than a torment, do + that which the Virgin commanded me to order thee in a dream, in which I + was beseeching her to direct me in the present case, for I had asked her + to come to me, and she had come. Then I told her the horrible anguish I + should endure, trembling for this little one, whose movements I already + feel, and for the real father, who would be at the mercy of the other, and + might expiate his paternity by a violent death, since it is possible that + La Fallotte saw clearly into his future life. Then the beautiful Virgin + told me, smiling, that the Church offered its forgiveness for our faults + if we followed her commandments; that it was necessary to save one’s self + from the pains of hell, by reforming before Heaven became angry. Then with + her finger she showed me a Jehan like thee, but dressed as thou shouldst + be, and as thou wilt be, if thou does but love thy Bertha with a love + eternal.” + </p> + <p> + Jehan assured her of his perfect obedience, and raised her, seating her on + his knee, and kissing her. The unhappy Bertha told him then that this + garment was a monk’s frock, and trembling besought him —almost + fearing a refusal—to enter the Church, and retire to Marmoustier, + beyond Tours, pledging him her word that she would grant him a last night, + after which she would be neither for him nor for anyone else in the world + again. And each year, as a reward for this, she would let him come to her + one day, in order that he might see the child. Jehan, bound by his oath, + promised to obey his mistress, saying that by this means he would be + faithful to her, and would experience no joys of love but those tasted in + her divine embrace, and would live upon the dear remembrance of them. + Hearing these sweet words, Bertha declared to him that, however great + might have been her sin, and whatever God reserved for her, this happiness + would enable her to support it, since she believed she had not fallen + through a man, but through an angel. + </p> + <p> + Then they returned to the nest which contained their love but only to bid + a final adieu to all their lovely flowers. There can be but little doubt + that Seigneur Cupid had something to do with this festival, for no woman + ever experienced such joy in any part of the world before, and no man ever + took as much. The especial property of true love is a certain harmony, + which brings it about that the more one gives, the more the other + receives, and vice-versa, as in certain cases in mathematics, where things + are multiplied by themselves without end. This problem can only be + explained to unscientific people, by asking them to look into their + Venetian glasses, in which are to be seen thousands of faces produced by + one alone. Thus, in the heart of two lovers, the roses of pleasure + multiply within them in a manner which causes them to be astonished that + so much joy can be contained, without anything bursting. Bertha and Jehan + would have wished in this night to have finished their days, and thought, + from the excessive languor which flowed in their veins, that love had + resolved to bear them away on his wings with the kiss of death; but they + held out in spite of these numerous multiplications. + </p> + <p> + On the morrow, as the return of Monsieur Imbert de Bastarnay was close at + hand, the lady Sylvia was compelled to depart. The poor girl left her + cousin, covering her with tears and with kisses; it was always her last, + but the last lasted till evening. Then he was compelled to leave her, and + he did leave her although the blood of his heart congealed, like the + fallen wax of a Paschal candle. According to his promise, he wended his + way towards Marmoustier, which he entered towards the eleventh hour of the + day, and was placed among the novices. Monseigneur de Bastarnay was + informed that Sylvia had returned to the Lord which is the signification + of le Seigneur in the English language; and therefore in this Bertha did + not lie. + </p> + <p> + The joy of her husband, when he saw Bertha without her waistband—she + could not wear it, so much had she increased in size—commenced the + martyrdom of this poor woman, who did not know how to deceive, and who, at + each false word, went to her Prie-Dieu, wept her blood away from her eyes + in tears, burst into prayers, and recommended herself to the graces of + Messieurs the Saints in paradise. It happened that she cried so loudly to + God that He heard her, because He hears everything; He hears the stones + that roll beneath the waters, the poor who groan, and the flies who wing + their way through the air. It is well that you should know this, otherwise + you would not believe in what happened. God commanded the archangel + Michael to make for this penitent a hell upon earth, so that she might + enter without dispute into Paradise. Then St. Michael descended from the + skies as far as the gate of hell, and handed over this triple soul to the + devil, telling him that he had permission to torment it during the rest of + her days, at the same time indicating to him Bertha, Jehan and the child. + </p> + <p> + The devil, who by the will of God, is lord of all evil, told the archangel + that he would obey the message. During this heavenly arrangement life went + on as usual here below. The sweet lady of Bastarnay gave the most + beautiful child in the world to the Sire Imbert, a boy all lilies and + roses, of great intelligence, like a little Jesus, merry and arch as a + pagan love. He became more beautiful day by day, while the elder was + turning into an ape, like his father, whom he painfully resembled. The + younger boy was as bright as a star, and resembled his father and mother, + whose corporeal and spiritual perfections had produced a compound of + illustrious graces and marvellous intelligence. Seeing this perpetual + miracle of body and mind blended with the essential conditions, Bastarnay + declared that for his eternal salvation he would like to make the younger + the elder, and that he would do with the king’s protection. Bertha did not + know what to do, for she adored the child of Jehan, and could only feel a + feeble affection for the other, whom, nevertheless she protected against + the evil intentions of the old fellow, Bastarnay. + </p> + <p> + Bertha, satisfied with the way things were going, quieted her conscience + with falsehood, and thought that all danger was past, since twelve years + had elapsed with no other alloy than the doubt which at times embittered + her joy. Each year, according to her pledged faith, the monk of + Marmoustier, who was unknown to everyone except the servant-maid, came to + pass a whole day at the chateau to see his child, although Bertha had many + times besought brother Jehan to yield his right. But Jehan pointed to the + child, saying, “You see him every day of the year, and I only once!” And + the poor mother could find no word to answer this speech with. + </p> + <p> + A few months before the last rebellion of the Dauphin Louis against his + father, the boy was treading closely on the heels of his twelfth year, and + appeared likely to become a great savant, so learned was he in all the + sciences. Old Bastarnay had never been more delighted at having been a + father in his life, and resolved to take his son with him to the Court of + Burgundy, where Duke Charles promised to make for this well-beloved son a + position, which should be the envy of princes, for he was not at all + averse to clever people. Seeing matters thus arranged, the devil judged + the time to be ripe for his mischiefs. He took his tail and flapped it + right into the middle of this happiness, so that he could stir it up in + his own peculiar way. + </p> + <p> + III HORRIBLE CHASTISEMENT OF BERTHA AND EXPIATION OF THE SAME, WHO DIED + PARDONED + </p> + <p> + The servant of the lady of Bastarnay, who was then about five-and-thirty + years old, fell in love with one of the master’s men-at-arms, and was + silly enough to let him take loaves out of the oven, until there resulted + therefrom a natural swelling, which certain wags in these parts call a + nine months’ dropsy. The poor woman begged her mistress to intercede for + her with the master, so that he might compel this wicked man to finish at + the altar that which he had commenced elsewhere. Madame de Bastarnay had + no difficulty in obtaining this favour from him, and the servant was quite + satisfied. But the old warrior, who was always extremely rough, hastened + into his pretorium, and blew him up sky-high, ordering him, under the pain + of the gallows, to marry the girl; which the soldier preferred to do, + thinking more of his neck than of his peace of mind. + </p> + <p> + Bastarnay sent also for the female, to whom he imagined, for the honour of + his house, he ought to sing a litany, mixed with epithets and ornamented + with extremely strong expressions, and made her think, by way of + punishment, that she was not going to be married, but flung into one of + the cells in the jail. The girl fancied that Madame wanted to get rid of + her, in order to inter the secret of the birth of her beloved son. With + this impression, when the old ape said such outrageous things to her—namely, + that he must have been a fool to keep a harlot in his house—she + replied that he certainly was a very big fool, seeing that for a long time + past his wife had been played the harlot, and with a monk too, which was + the worst thing that could happen to a warrior. + </p> + <p> + Think of the greatest storm you ever saw it in your life, and you will + have a weak sketch of the furious rage into which the old man fell, when + thus assailed in a portion of his heart which was a triple life. He seized + the girl by the throat, and would have killed her there and then, but she, + to prove her story, detailed the how, the why, and the when, and said that + if he had no faith in her, he could have the evidence of his own ears by + hiding himself the day that Father Jehan de Sacchez, the prior of + Marmoustier, came. He would then hear the words of the father, who solaced + herself for his year’s fast, and in one day kissed his son for the rest of + the year. + </p> + <p> + Imbert ordered this woman instantly to leave the castle, since, if her + accusation were true, he would kill her just as though she had invented a + tissue of lies. In an instant he had given her a hundred crowns, besides + her man, enjoining them not to sleep in Touraine; and for greater + security, they were conducted into Burgundy, by de Bastarnay’s officers. + He informed his wife of their departure, saying, that as her servant was a + damaged article he had thought it best to get rid of her, but had given + her a hundred crowns, and found employment for the man at the Court of + Burgundy. Bertha was astonished to learn that her maid had left the castle + without receiving her dismissal from herself, her mistress; but she said + nothing. Soon afterwards she had other fish to fry, for she became a prey + to vague apprehensions, because her husband completely changed in his + manner, commenced to notice the likeness of his first-born to himself, and + could find nothing resembling his nose, or his forehead, his this, or his + that, in the youngest he loved so well. + </p> + <p> + “He is my very image,” replied Bertha one day that he was throwing out + these hints. “Know you not that in well regulated households, children are + formed from the father and mother, each in turn, or often from both + together, because the mother mingles her qualities with the vital force of + the father? Some physicians declare that they have known many children + born without any resemblance to either father or mother, and attribute + these mysteries to the whim of the Almighty.” + </p> + <p> + “You have become very learned, my dear,” replied Bastarnay; “but I, who am + an ignoramus, I should fancy that a child who resembles a monk—” + </p> + <p> + “Had a monk for a father!” said Bertha, looking at him with an unflinching + gaze, although ice rather than blood was coursing through her veins. + </p> + <p> + The old fellow thought he was mistaken, and cursed the servant; but he was + none the less determined to make sure of the affair. As the day of Father + Jehan’s visit was close at hand, Bertha, whose suspicions were aroused by + this speech, wrote him that it was her wish that he should not come this + year, without, however, telling him her reason; then she went in search of + La Fallotte at Loches, who was to give her letter to Jehan, and believed + everything was safe for the present. She was all the more pleased at + having written to her friend the prior, when Imbert, who, towards the time + appointed for the poor monk’s annual treat, had always been accustomed to + take a journey into the province of Maine, where he had considerable + property, remained this time at home, giving as his reason the + preparations for rebellion which monseigneur Louis was then making against + his father, who as everyone knows, was so cut up at this revolt that it + caused his death. This reason was so good a one, that poor Bertha was + quite satisfied with it, and did not trouble herself. On the regular day, + however, the prior arrived as usual. Bertha seeing him, turned pale, and + asked him if he had not received her message. + </p> + <p> + “What message?” said Jehan. + </p> + <p> + “Ah! we are lost then; the child, thou, and I,” replied Bertha. + </p> + <p> + “Why so?” said the prior. + </p> + <p> + “I know not,” said she; “but our last day has come.” + </p> + <p> + She inquired of her dearly beloved son where Bastarnay was. The young man + told her that his father had been sent for by a special messenger to + Loches, and would not be back until evening. Thereupon Jehan wished, is + spite of his mistress, to remain with her and his dear son, asserting that + no harm would come of it, after the lapse of twelve years, since the birth + of their boy. + </p> + <p> + The days when that adventurous night you know of was celebrated, Bertha + stayed in her room with the poor monk until supper time. But on this + occasion the lovers—hastened by the apprehensions of Bertha, which + was shared by Jehan directly she had informed him of them—dined + immediately, although the prior of Marmoustier reassured Bertha by + pointing out to her the privileges of the Church, and how Bastarnay, + already in bad odour at court, would be afraid to attack a dignitary of + Marmoustier. When they were sitting down to table their little one + happened to be playing, and in spite of the reiterated prayers of his + mother, would not stop his games, since he was galloping about the + courtyard on a fine Spanish barb, which Duke Charles of Burgundy had + presented to Bastarnay. And because young lads like to show off, varlets + make themselves bachelors at arms, and bachelors wish to play the knight, + this boy was delighted at being able to show the monk what a man he was + becoming; he made the horse jump like a flea in the bedclothes, and sat as + steady as a trooper in the saddle. + </p> + <p> + “Let him have his way, my darling,” said the monk to Bertha. “Disobedient + children often become great characters.” + </p> + <p> + Bertha ate sparingly, for her heart was as swollen as a sponge in water. + At the first mouthful, the monk, who was a great scholar, felt in his + stomach a pain, and on his palette a bitter taste of poison that caused + him to suspect that the Sire de Bastarnay had given them all their + quietus. Before he had made this discovery Bertha had eaten. Suddenly the + monk pulled off the tablecloth and flung everything into the fireplace, + telling Bertha his suspicion. Bertha thanked the Virgin that her son had + been so taken up with his sport. Retaining his presence of mind, Jehan, + who had not forgotten the lesson he had learned as a page, leaped into the + courtyard, lifted his son from the horse, sprang across it himself, and + flew across the country with such speed that you would have thought him a + shooting-star if you had seen him digging the spurs into the horse’s + bleeding flanks, and he was at Loches in Fallotte’s house in the same + space of time that only the devil could have done the journey. He stated + the case to her in two words, for the poison was already frying his + marrow, and requested her to give him an antidote. + </p> + <p> + “Alas,” said the sorceress, “had I known that it was for you I was giving + this poison, I would have received in my breast the dagger’s point, with + which I was threatened, and would have sacrificed my poor life to save + that of a man of God, and of the sweetest woman that ever blossomed on + this earth; for alas! my dear friend, I have only two drops of the + counter-poison that you see in this phial.” + </p> + <p> + “Is there enough for her?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, but go at once,” said the old hag. + </p> + <p> + The monk came back more quickly that he went, so that the horse died under + him in the courtyard. He rushed into the room where Bertha, believing her + last hour to be come, was kissing her son, and writhing like a lizard in + the fire, uttering no cry for herself, but for the child, left to the + wrath of Bastarnay, forgetting her own agony at the thought of his cruel + future. + </p> + <p> + “Take this,” said the monk; “my life is saved!” + </p> + <p> + Jehan had the great courage to say these words with an unmoved face, + although he felt the claws of death seizing his heart. Hardly had Bertha + drunk when the prior fell dead, not, however, without kissing his son, and + regarding his dear lady with an eye that changed not even after his last + sigh. This sight turned her as cold as marble, and terrified her so much + that she remained rigid before this dead man, stretched at her feet, + pressing the hand of her child, who wept, although her own eye was as dry + as the Red Sea when the Hebrews crossed it under the leadership of Baron + Moses, for it seemed to her that she had sharp sand rolling under her + eyelids. Pray for her, ye charitable souls, for never was woman so + agonised, in divining that her lover has saved her life at the expense of + his own. Aided by her son, she herself placed the monk in the middle of + the bed, and stood by the side of it, praying with the boy, whom she then + told that the prior was his true father. In this state she waited her evil + hour, and her evil hour did not take long in coming, for towards the + eleventh hour Bastarnay arrived, and was informed at the portcullis that + the monk was dead, and not Madame and the child, and he saw his beautiful + Spanish horse lying dead. Thereupon, seized with a furious desire to slay + Bertha and the monk’s bastard, he sprang up the stairs with one bound; but + at the sight of the corpse, for whom his wife and her son repeated + incessant litanies, having no ears for his torrent of invective, having no + eyes for his writhings and threats, he had no longer the courage to + perpetrate this dark deed. After the first fury of his rage had passed, he + could not bring himself to it, and quitted the room like a coward and a + man taken in crime, stung to the quick by those prayers continuously said + for the monk. The night was passed in tears, groans, and prayers. + </p> + <p> + By an express order from Madame, her servant had been to Loches to + purchase for her the attire of a young lady of quality, and for her poor + child a horse and the arms of an esquire; noticing which the Sieur de + Bastarnay was much astonished. He sent for Madame and the monk’s son, but + neither mother nor child returned any answer, but quietly put on the + clothes purchased by the servant. By Madame’s order this servant made up + the account of her effects, arranged her clothes, purples, jewels, and + diamonds, as the property of a widow is arranged when she renounces her + rights. Bertha ordered even her alms-purse be included, in order that the + ceremony might be perfect. The report of these preparations ran through + the house, and everyone knew then that the mistress was about to leave it, + a circumstance that filled every heart with sorrow, even that of a little + scullion, who had only been a week in the place, but to whom Madame had + already given a kind word. + </p> + <p> + Frightened at these preparations, old Bastarnay came into her chamber, and + found her weeping over the body of Jehan, for the tears had come at last; + but she dried them directly she perceived her husband. To his numerous + questions she replied briefly by the confession of her fault, telling him + how she had been duped, how the poor page had been distressed, showing him + upon the corpse the mark of the poniard wound; how long he had been + getting well; and how, in obedience to her, and from penitence towards + God, he had entered the Church, abandoning the glorious career of a + knight, putting an end to his name, which was certainly worse than death; + how she, while avenging her honour, had thought that even God himself + would not have refused the monk one day in the year to see the son for + whom he had sacrificed everything; how, not wishing to live with a + murderer, she was about to quit his house, leaving all her property behind + her; because, if the honour of the Bastarnays was stained, it was not she + who had brought the shame about; because in this calamity she had arranged + matters as best she could; finally, she added a vow to go over mountain + and valley, she and her son, until all was expiated, for she knew how to + expiate all. + </p> + <p> + Having with noble mien and a pale face uttered these beautiful words, she + took her child by the hand and went out in great mourning, more + magnificently beautiful than was Mademoiselle Hagar on her departure from + the residence of the patriarch Abraham, and so proudly, that all the + servants and retainers fell on their knees as she passed along, imploring + her with joined hands, like Notre Dame de la Riche. It was pitiful to see + the Sieur de Bastarnay following her, ashamed, weeping, confessing himself + to blame, and downcast and despairing, like a man being led to the + gallows, there to be turned off. + </p> + <p> + And Bertha turned a deaf ear to everything. The desolation was so great + that she found the drawbridge lowered, and hastened to quit the castle, + fearing that it might be suddenly raised again; but no one had the right + or the heart to do it. She sat down on the curb of the moat, in view of + the whole castle, who begged her, with tears, to stay. The poor sire was + standing with his hand upon the chain of the portcullis, as silent as the + stone saints carved above the door. He saw Bertha order her son to shake + the dust from his shoes at the end of the bridge, in order to have nothing + belonging to Bastarnay about him; and she did likewise. Then, indicating + the sire to her son with her finger, she spoke to him as follows— + </p> + <p> + “Child, behold the murderer of thy father, who was, as thou art aware, the + poor prior; but thou hast taken the name of this man. Give it him back + here, even as thou leavest the dust taken by the shoes from his castle. + For the food that thou hast had in the castle, by God’s help we will also + settle.” + </p> + <p> + Hearing this, Bastarnay would have let his wife receive a whole monastery + of monks in order not to be abandoned by her, and by a young squire + capable of becoming the honour of his house, and remained with his head + sunk down against the chains. + </p> + <p> + The heart of Bertha was suddenly filled with holy solace, for the banner + of the great monastery turned the corner of a road across the fields, and + appeared accompanied by the chants of the Church, which burst forth like + heavenly music. The monks, informed of the murder perpetrated on their + well-beloved prior, came in procession, assisted by the ecclesiastical + justice, to claim his body. When he saw this, the Sire de Bastarnay had + barely that time to make for the postern with his men, and set out towards + Monseigneur Louis, leaving everything in confusion. + </p> + <p> + Poor Bertha, en croup behind her son, came to Montbazon to bid her father + farewell, telling him that this blow would be her death, and was consoled + by those of her family who endeavoured to raise her spirits, but were + unable to do so. The old Sire de Rohan presented his grandson with a + splendid suit of armour, telling him to acquire glory and honour that he + might turn his mother’s faults into eternal renown. But Madame de + Bastarnay had implanted in the mind of her dear son no other idea than of + atoning for the harm done, in order to save her and Jehan from eternal + damnation. Both then set out for the places then in a state of rebellion, + in order to render such service to Bastarnay that he would receive from + them more than life itself. + </p> + <p> + Now the heat of the sedition was, as everyone knows, in the neighbourhood + of Angouleme, and of Bordeaux in Guienne, and other parts of the kingdom, + where great battles and severe conflicts between the rebels and the royal + armies was likely to take place. The principal one which finished the war + was given between Ruffec and Angouleme, where all the prisoners taken were + tried and hanged. This battle, commanded by old Bastarnay, took place in + the month of November, seven months after the poisoning of Jehan. Now the + Baron knew that his head had been strongly recommended as one to be cut + off, he being the right hand of Monsiegneur Louis. Directly his men began + to fall back, the old fellow found himself surrounded by six men + determined to seize him. Then he understood that they wished to take him + alive, in order to proceed against his house, ruin his name, and + confiscate his property. The poor sire preferred rather to die and save + his family, and present the domains to his son. He defended himself like + the brave old lion that he was. In spite of their number, these said + soldiers, seeing three of their comrades fall, were obliged to attack + Bastarnay at the risk of killing him, and threw themselves together upon + him, after having laid low two of his equerries and a page. + </p> + <p> + In this extreme danger an esquire wearing the arms of Rohan, fell upon the + assailants like a thunderbolt, and killed two of them, crying, “God save + the Bastarnays!” The third man-at-arms, who had already seized old + Bastarnay, was so hard pressed by this squire, that he was obliged to + leave the elder and turn against the younger, to whom he gave a thrust + with his dagger through a flaw in his armour. Bastarnay was too good a + comrade to fly without assisting the liberator of his house, who was badly + wounded. With a blow of his mace he killed the man-at-arms, seized the + squire, lifted him on to his horse, and gained the open, accompanied by a + guide, who led him to the castle of Roche-Foucauld, which he entered by + night, and found in the great room Bertha de Rohan, who had arranged this + retreat for him. But on removing the helmet of his rescuer, he recognised + the son of Jehan, who expired upon the table, as by a final effort he + kissed his mother, and saying in a loud voice to her— + </p> + <p> + “Mother, we have paid the debt we owed him!” + </p> + <p> + Hearing these words, the mother clasped the body of her loved child to her + heart, and separated from him never again, for she died of grief, without + hearing or heeding the pardon and repentance of Bastarnay. + </p> + <p> + The strange calamity hastened the last day of the poor old man, who did + not live to see the coronation of King Louis the Eleventh. He founded a + daily mass in the Church of Roche-Foucauld, where in the same grave he + placed mother and son, with a large tombstone, upon which their lives are + much honoured in the Latin language. + </p> + <p> + The morals which any one can deduce from this history are the most + profitable for the conduct of life, since this shows how gentlemen should + be courteous with the dearly beloveds of their wives. Further, it teaches + us that all children are blessings sent by God Himself, and over them + fathers, whether true or false, have no right of murder, as was formerly + the case at Rome, owing to a heathen and abominable law, which ill became + that Christianity which makes us all sons of God. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0041" id="link2H_4_0041"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + HOW THE PRETTY MAID OF PORTILLON CONVINCED HER JUDGE + </h2> + <p> + The Maid of Portillon, who became as everyone knows, La Tascherette, was, + before she became a dyer, a laundress at the said place of Portillon, from + which she took her name. If any there be who do not know Tours, it may be + as well to state that Portillon is down the Loire, on the same side as St. + Cyr, about as far from the bridge which leads to the cathedral of Tours as + said bridge is distant from Marmoustier, since the bridge is in the centre + of the embankment between Portillon and Marmoustier. Do you thoroughly + understand? + </p> + <p> + Yes? Good! Now the maid had there her washhouse, from which she ran to the + Loire with her washing in a second and took the ferry-boat to get to St. + Martin, which was on the other side of the river, for she had to deliver + the greater part of her work in Chateauneuf and other places. + </p> + <p> + About Midsummer day, seven years before marrying old Taschereau, she had + just reached the right age to be loved, without making a choice from any + of the lads who pursued her with their intentions. Although there used to + come to the bench under her window the son of Rabelais, who had seven + boats on the Loire, Jehan’s eldest, Marchandeau the tailor, and Peccard + the ecclesiastical goldsmith, she made fun of them all, because she wished + to be taken to church before burthening herself with a man, which proves + that she was an honest woman until she was wheedled out of her virtue. She + was one of those girls who take great care not to be contaminated, but + who, if by chance they get deceived, let things take their course, + thinking that for one stain or for fifty a good polishing up is necessary. + These characters demand our indulgence. + </p> + <p> + A young noble of the court perceived her one day when she was crossing the + water in the glare of the noonday sun, which lit up her ample charms, and + seeing her, asked who she was. An old man, who was working on the banks, + told him she was called the Pretty Maid of Portillon, a laundress, + celebrated for her merry ways and her virtue. This young lord, besides + ruffles to starch, had many precious draperies and things; he resolved to + give the custom of his house to this girl, whom he stopped on the road. He + was thanked by her and heartily, because he was the Sire du Fou, the + king’s chamberlain. This encounter made her so joyful that her mouth was + full of his name. She talked about it a great deal to the people of St. + Martin, and when she got back to the washhouse was still full of it, and + on the morrow at her work her tongue went nineteen to the dozen, and all + on the same subject, so that as much was said concerning my Lord du Fou in + Portillon as of God in a sermon; that is, a great deal too much. + </p> + <p> + “If she works like that in cold water, what will she do in warm?” said an + old washerwoman. “She wants du Fou; he’ll give her du Fou!” + </p> + <p> + The first time this giddy wench, with her head full of Monsieur du Fou, + had to deliver the linen at his hotel, the chamberlain wished to see her, + and was very profuse in praises and compliments concerning her charms, and + wound up by telling her that she was not at all silly to be beautiful, and + therefore he would give her more than she expected. The deed followed the + word, for the moment his people were out of the room, he began to caress + the maid, who thinking he was about to take out the money from his purse, + dared not look at the purse, but said, like a girl ashamed to take her + wages— + </p> + <p> + “It will be for the first time.” + </p> + <p> + “It will be soon,” said he. + </p> + <p> + Some people say that he had great difficulty in forcing her to accept what + he offered her, and hardly forced her at all; others that he forced her + badly, because she came out like an army flagging on the route, crying and + groaning, and came to the judge. It happened that the judge was out. La + Portillone awaited his return in his room, weeping and saying to the + servant that she had been robbed, because Monseigneur du Fou had given her + nothing but his mischief; whilst a canon of the Chapter used to give her + large sums for that which M. du Fou wanted for nothing. If she loved a man + she would think it wise to do things for him for nothing, because it would + be a pleasure to her; but the chamberlain had treated her roughly, and not + kindly and gently, as he should have done, and that therefore he owed her + the thousand crowns of the canon. Then the judge came in, saw the wench, + and wished to kiss her, but she put herself on guard, and said she had + come to make a complaint. The judge replied that certainly she could have + the offender hanged if she liked, because he was most anxious to serve + her. The injured maiden replied that she did not wish the death of her + man, but that he should pay her a thousand gold crowns, because she had + been robbed against her will. + </p> + <p> + “Ha! ha!” said the judge, “what he took was worth more than that.” + </p> + <p> + “For the thousand crowns I’ll cry quits, because I shall be able to live + without washing.” + </p> + <p> + “He who has robbed you, is he well off?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh yes.” + </p> + <p> + “Then he shall pay dearly for it. Who is it?” + </p> + <p> + “Monseigneur du Fou.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, that alters the case,” said the judge. + </p> + <p> + “But justice?” said she. + </p> + <p> + “I said the case, not the justice of it,” replied the judge. “I must know + how the affair occurred.” + </p> + <p> + Then the girl related naively how she was arranging the young lord’s + ruffles in his wardrobe, when he began to play with her skirt, and she + turned round saying— + </p> + <p> + “Go on with you!” + </p> + <p> + “You have no case,” said the judge, “for by that speech he thought that + you gave him leave to go on. Ha! ha!” + </p> + <p> + Then she declared that she had defended herself, weeping and crying out, + and that that constitutes an assault. + </p> + <p> + “A wench’s antics to incite him,” said the judge. + </p> + <p> + Finally, La Portillone declared that against her will she had been taken + round the waist and thrown, although she had kicked and cried and + struggled, but that seeing no help at hand, she had lost courage. + </p> + <p> + “Good! good!” said the judge. “Did you take pleasure in the affair?” + </p> + <p> + “No,” said she. “My anguish can only be paid for with a thousand crowns.” + </p> + <p> + “My dear,” said the judge, “I cannot receive your complaint, because I + believe no girl could be thus treated against her will.” + </p> + <p> + “Hi! hi! hi! Ask your servant,” said the little laundress, sobbing, “and + hear what she’ll tell you.” + </p> + <p> + The servant affirmed that there were pleasant assaults and unpleasant + ones; that if La Portillone had received neither amusement nor money, + either one or the other was due to her. This wise counsel threw the judge + into a state of great perplexity. + </p> + <p> + “Jacqueline,” said he, “before I sup I’ll get to the bottom of this. Now + go and fetch my needle and the red thread that I sew the law paper bags + with.” + </p> + <p> + Jacqueline came back with a big needle, pierced with a pretty little hole, + and a big red thread, such as the judges use. Then she remained standing + to see the question decided, very much disturbed, as was also the + complainant at these mysterious preparations. + </p> + <p> + “My dear,” said the judge, “I am going to hold the bodkin, of which the + eye is sufficiently large, to put this thread into it without trouble. If + you do put it in, I will take up your case, and will make Monseigneur + offer you a compromise.” + </p> + <p> + “What’s that?” said she. “I will not allow it.” + </p> + <p> + “It is a word used in justice to signify an agreement.” + </p> + <p> + “A compromise is then agreeable with justice?” said La Portillone. + </p> + <p> + “My dear, this violence has also opened your mind. Are you ready?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said she. + </p> + <p> + The waggish judge gave the poor nymph fair play, holding the eye steady + for her; but when she wished to slip in the thread that she had twisted to + make straight, he moved a little, and the thread went on the other side. + She suspected the judge’s argument, wetted the thread, stretched it, and + came back again. The judge moved, twisted about, and wriggled like a + bashful maiden; still this cursed thread would not enter. The girl kept + trying at the eye, and the judge kept fidgeting. The marriage of the + thread could not be consummated, the bodkin remained virgin, and the + servant began to laugh, saying to La Portillone that she knew better how + to endure than to perform. Then the roguish judge laughed too, and the + fair Portillone cried for her golden crowns. + </p> + <p> + “If you don’t keep still,” cried she, losing patience; “if you keep moving + about I shall never be able to put the thread in.” + </p> + <p> + “Then, my dear, if you had done the same, Monseigneur would have been + unsuccessful too. Think, too, how easy is the one affair, and how + difficult the other.” + </p> + <p> + The pretty wench, who declared she had been forced, remained thoughtful, + and sought to find a means to convince the judge by showing how she had + been compelled to yield, since the honour of all poor girls liable to + violence was at stake. + </p> + <p> + “Monseigneur, in order that the bet made the fair, I must do exactly as + the young lord did. If I had only had to move I should be moving still, + but he went through other performances.” + </p> + <p> + “Let us hear them,” replied the judge. + </p> + <p> + Then La Portillone straightens the thread, and rubs it in the wax of the + candle, to make it firm and straight; then she looked towards the eye of + the bodkin, held by the judge, slipping always to the right or to the + left. Then she began making endearing little speeches, such as, “Ah, the + pretty little bodkin! What a pretty mark to aim at! Never did I see such a + little jewel! What a pretty little eye! Let me put this little thread into + it! Ah, you will hurt my poor thread, my nice little thread! Keep still! + Come, my love of a judge, judge of my love! Won’t the thread go nicely + into this iron gate, which makes good use of the thread, for it comes out + very much out of order?” Then she burst out laughing, for she was better + up in this game than the judge, who laughed too, so saucy and comical and + arch was she, pushing the thread backwards and forwards. She kept the poor + judge with the case in his hand until seven o’clock, keeping on fidgeting + and moving about like a schoolboy let loose; but as La Portillone kept on + trying to put the thread in, he could not help it. As, however, his joint + was burning, and his wrist was tired, he was obliged to rest himself for a + minute on the side of the table; then very dexterously the fair maid of + Portillon slipped the thread in, saying— + </p> + <p> + “That’s how the thing occurred.” + </p> + <p> + “But my joint was burning.” + </p> + <p> + “So was mine,” said she. + </p> + <p> + The judge, convinced, told La Portillone that he would speak to + Monseigneur du Fou, and would himself carry the affair through, since it + was certain the young lord had embraced her against her will, but that for + valid reasons he would keep the affair dark. On the morrow the judge went + to the Court and saw Monseigneur du Fou, to whom he recounted the young + woman’s complaint, and how she had set forth her case. This complaint + lodged in court, tickled the king immensely. Young du Fou having said that + there was some truth in it, the king asked if he had had much difficulty, + and as he replied, innocently, “No,” the king declared the girl was quite + worth a hundred gold crowns, and the chamberlain gave them to the judge, + in order not to be taxed with stinginess, and said the starch would be a + good income to La Portillone. The judge came back to La Portillone, and + said, smiling, that he had raised a hundred gold crowns for her. But if + she desired the balance of the thousand, there were at that moment in the + king’s apartments certain lords who, knowing the case, had offered to make + up the sum for her, with her consent. The little hussy did not refuse this + offer, saying, that in order to do no more washing in the future she did + not mind doing a little hard work now. She gratefully acknowledged the + trouble the good judge had taken, and gained her thousand crowns in a + month. From this came the falsehoods and jokes concerning her, because out + of these ten lords jealousy made a hundred, whilst, differently from young + men, La Portillone settled down to a virtuous life directly she had her + thousand crowns. Even a Duke, who would have counted out five hundred + crowns, would have found this girl rebellious, which proves she was + niggardly with her property. It is true that the king caused her to be + sent for to his retreat of Rue Quinquangrogne, on the mall of + Chardonneret, found her extremely pretty, exceedingly affectionate, + enjoyed her society, and forbade the sergeants to interfere with her in + any way whatever. Seeing she was so beautiful, Nicole Beaupertuys, the + king’s mistress, gave her a hundred gold crowns to go to Orleans, in order + to see if the colour of the Loire was the same there as at Portillon. She + went there, and the more willingly because she did not care very much for + the king. When the good man came who confessed the king in his last hours, + and was afterwards canonised, La Portillone went to him to polish up her + conscience, did penance, and founded a bed in the leper-house of St. + Lazare-aux-Tours. Many ladies whom you know have been assaulted by more + than two lords, and have founded no other beds than those in their own + houses. It is as well to relate this fact, in order to cleanse the + reputation of this honest girl, who herself once washed dirty things, and + who afterwards became famous for her clever tricks and her wit. She gave a + proof of her merit in marrying Taschereau, who she cuckolded right + merrily, as has been related in the story of The Reproach. This proves to + us most satisfactorily that with strength and patience justice itself can + be violated. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0042" id="link2H_4_0042"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + IN WHICH IT IS DEMONSTRATED THAT FORTUNE IS ALWAYS FEMININE + </h2> + <p> + During the time when knights courteously offered to each other both help + and assistance in seeking their fortune, it happened that in Sicily—which, + as you are probably aware, is an island situated in the corner of the + Mediterranean Sea, and formerly celebrated—one knight met in a wood + another knight, who had the appearance of a Frenchman. Presumably, this + Frenchman was by some chance stripped of everything, and was so wretchedly + attired that but for his princely air he might have been taken for a + blackguard. It was possible that his horse had died of hunger or fatigue, + on disembarking from the foreign shore for which he came, on the faith of + the good luck which happened to the French in Sicily, which was true in + every respect. + </p> + <p> + The Sicilian knight, whose name was Pezare, was a Venetian long absent + from the Venetian Republic, and with no desire to return there, since he + had obtained a footing in the Court of the King of Sicily. Being short of + funds in Venice, because he was a younger son, he had no fancy for + commerce, and was for that reason eventually abandoned by his family, a + most illustrious one. He therefore remained at this Court, where he was + much liked by the king. + </p> + <p> + This gentleman was riding a splendid Spanish horse, and thinking to + himself how lonely he was in this strange court, without trusty friends, + and how in such cases fortune was harsh to helpless people and became a + traitress, when he met the poor French knight, who appeared far worse off + that he, who had good weapons, a fine horse, and a mansion where servants + were then preparing a sumptuous supper. + </p> + <p> + “You must have come a long way to have so much dust on your feet,” said + the Venetian. + </p> + <p> + “My feet have not as much dust as the road was long,” answered the + Frenchman. + </p> + <p> + “If you have travelled so much,” continued the Venetian, “you must be a + learned man.” + </p> + <p> + “I have learned,” replied the Frenchman, “to give no heed to those who do + not trouble about me. I have learnt that however high a man’s head was, + his feet were always level with my own; more than that, I have learnt to + have no confidence in the warm days of winter, in the sleep of my enemies, + or the words of my friends.” + </p> + <p> + “You are, then, richer than I am,” said the Venetian, astonished, “since + you tell me things of which I never thought.” + </p> + <p> + “Everyone must think for himself,” said the Frenchman; “and as you have + interrogated me, I can request from you the kindness of pointing to me the + road to Palermo or some inn, for the night is closing in.” + </p> + <p> + “Are you then, acquainted with no French or Sicilian gentlemen at + Palermo?” + </p> + <p> + “No.” + </p> + <p> + “Then you are not certain of being received?” + </p> + <p> + “I am disposed to forgive those who reject me. The road, sir, if you + please.” + </p> + <p> + “I am lost like yourself,” said the Venetian. “Let us look for it in + company.” + </p> + <p> + “To do that we must go together; but you are on horseback, I am on foot.” + </p> + <p> + The Venetian took the French knight on his saddle behind him, and said— + </p> + <p> + “Do you know with whom you are?” + </p> + <p> + “With a man, apparently.” + </p> + <p> + “Do you think you are in safety?” + </p> + <p> + “If you were a robber, you would have to take care of yourself,” said the + Frenchman, putting the point of his dagger to the Venetian’s heart. + </p> + <p> + “Well, now, my noble Frenchman, you appear to be a man of great learning + and sound sense; know that I am a noble, established at the Court of + Sicily, but alone, and I seek a friend. You seem to be in the same plight, + and, judging from appearances, you do not seem friendly with your lot, and + have apparently need of everybody.” + </p> + <p> + “Should I be happier if everybody wanted me?” + </p> + <p> + “You are a devil, who turns every one of my words against me. By St. Mark! + my lord knight, can one trust you?” + </p> + <p> + “More than yourself, who commenced our federal friendship by deceiving me, + since you guide your horse like a man who knows his way, and you said you + were lost.” + </p> + <p> + “And did not you deceive me?” said the Venetian, “by making a sage of your + years walk, and giving a noble knight the appearance of a vagabond? Here + is my abode; my servants have prepared supper for us.” + </p> + <p> + The Frenchman jumped off the horse, and entered the house with the + Venetian cavalier, accepting his supper. They both seated themselves at + the table. The Frenchman fought so well with his jaws, he twisted the + morsels with so much agility, that he showed herself equally learned in + suppers, and showed it again in dexterously draining the wine flasks + without his eye becoming dimmed or his understanding affected. Then you + may be sure that the Venetian thought to himself he had fallen in with a + fine son of Adam, sprung from the right side and the wrong one. While they + were drinking together, the Venetian endeavoured to find some joint + through which to sound the secret depths of his friend’s cogitations. He, + however, clearly perceived that he would cast aside his shirt sooner than + his prudence, and judged it opportune to gain his esteem by opening his + doublet to him. Therefore he told him in what state was Sicily, where + reigned Prince Leufroid and his gentle wife; how gallant was the Court, + what courtesy there flourished, that there abounded many lords of Spain, + Italy, France, and other countries, lords in high feather and well + feathered; many princesses, as rich as noble, and as noble as rich; that + this prince had the loftiest aspirations—such as to conquer Morocco, + Constantinople, Jerusalem, the lands of Soudan, and other African places. + Certain men of vast minds conducted his affairs, bringing together the ban + and arriere ban of the flower of Christian chivalry, and kept up his + splendour with the idea of causing to reign over the Mediterranean this + Sicily, so opulent in times gone by, and of ruining Venice, which had not + a foot of land. These designs had been planted in the king’s mind by him, + Pezare; but although he was high in that prince’s favour, he felt himself + weak, had no assistance from the courtiers, and desired to make a friend. + In this great trouble he had gone for a little ride to turn matters over + in his mind, and decide upon the course to pursue. Now, since while in + this idea he had met a man of so much sense as the chevalier had proved + herself to be, he proposed to fraternise with him, to open his purse to + him, and give him his palace to live in. They would journey in company + through life in search of honours and pleasure, without concealing one + single thought, and would assist each other on all occasions as the + brothers-in-arms did at the Crusades. Now, as the Frenchman was seeking + his fortune, and required assistance, the Venetian did not for a moment + expect that this offer of mutual consolation would be refused. + </p> + <p> + “Although I stand in need of no assistance,” said the Frenchman, “because + I rely upon a point which will procure me all that I desire, I should like + to acknowledge your courtesy, dear Chevalier Pezare. You will soon see + that you will yet be the debtor of Gauttier de Monsoreau, a gentleman of + the fair land of Touraine.” + </p> + <p> + “Do you possess any relic with which your fortune is wound up?” said the + Venetian. + </p> + <p> + “A talisman given me by my dear mother,” said the Touranian, “with which + castles and cities are built and demolished, a hammer to coin money, a + remedy for every ill, a traveller’s staff always ready to be tried, and + worth most when in a state of readiness, a master tool, which executes + wondrous works in all sorts of forges, without making the slightest + noise.” + </p> + <p> + “Eh! by St. Mark you have, then, a mystery concealed in your hauberk?” + </p> + <p> + “No,” said the French knight; “it is a perfectly natural thing. Here it + is.” + </p> + <p> + And rising suddenly from the table to prepare for bed, Gauttier showed to + the Venetian the finest talisman to procure joy that he had ever seen. + </p> + <p> + “This,” said the Frenchman, as they both got into bed together, according + to the custom of the times, “overcomes every obstacle, by making itself + master of female hearts; and as the ladies are the queens in this court, + your friend Gauttier will soon reign there.” + </p> + <p> + The Venetian remained in great astonishment at the sight of the secret + charms of the said Gauttier, who had indeed been bounteously endowed by + his mother, and perhaps also by his father; and would thus triumph over + everything, since he joined to this corporeal perfection the wit of a + young page, and the wisdom of an old devil. Then they swore an eternal + friendship, regarding as nothing therein a woman’s heart, vowing to have + one and the same idea, as if their heads had been in the same helmet; and + they fell asleep on the same pillow enchanted with this fraternity. This + was a common occurrence in those days. + </p> + <p> + On the morrow the Venetian gave a fine horse to his friend Gauttier, also + a purse full of money, fine silken hose, a velvet doublet, fringed with + gold, and an embroidered mantle, which garments set off his figure so + well, and showed up his beauties, that the Venetian was certain he would + captivate all the ladies. The servants received orders to obey this + Gauttier as they would himself, so that they fancied their master had been + fishing, and had caught this Frenchman. Then the two friends made their + entry into Palermo at the hour when the princes and princesses were taking + the air. Pezare presented his French friend, speaking so highly of his + merits, and obtaining such a gracious reception for him, that Leufroid + kept him to supper. The knight kept a sharp eye on the Court, and noticed + therein various curious little secret practices. If the king was a brave + and handsome prince, the princess was a Spanish lady of high temperature, + the most beautiful and most noble woman of his Court, but inclined to + melancholy. Looking at her, the Touranian believed that she was sparingly + embraced by the king, for the law of Touraine is that joy in the face + comes from joy elsewhere. Pezare pointed out to his friend Gauttier + several ladies to whom Leufroid was exceedingly gracious and who were + exceedingly jealous and fought for him in a tournament of gallantries and + wonderful female inventions. From all this Gauttier concluded that the + prince went considerably astray with his court, although he had the + prettiest wife in the world, and occupied himself with taxing the ladies + of Sicily, in order that he might put his horse in their stables, vary his + fodder, and learn the equestrian capabilities of many lands. Perceiving + what a life Leufroid was leading, the Sire de Monsoreau, certain that no + one in the Court had had the heart to enlighten the queen, determined at + one blow to plant his halberd in the field of the fair Spaniard by a + master stroke; and this is how. At supper-time, in order to show courtesy + to the foreign knight, the king took care to place him near the queen, to + whom the gallant Gauttier offered his arm, to take her into the room, and + conducted her there hastily, to get ahead of those who were following, in + order to whisper, first of all, a word concerning a subject which always + pleases the ladies in whatever condition they may be. Imagine what this + word was, and how it went straight through the stubble and weeds into the + warm thicket of love. + </p> + <p> + “I know, your majesty, what causes your paleness of face.” + </p> + <p> + “What?” said she. + </p> + <p> + “You are so loving that the king loves you night and day; thus you abuse + your advantage, for he will die of love.” + </p> + <p> + “What should I do to keep him alive?” said the queen. + </p> + <p> + “Forbid him to repeat at your altar more than three prayers a day.” + </p> + <p> + “You are joking, after the French fashion, Sir Knight, seeing that the + king’s devotion to me does not extend beyond a short prayer a week.” + </p> + <p> + “You are deceived,” said Gauttier, seating himself at the table. “I can + prove to you that love should go through the whole mass, matins, and + vespers, with an <i>Ave</i> now and then, for queens as for simple women, + and go through the ceremony every day, like the monks in their monastery, + with fervour; but for you these litanies should never finish.” + </p> + <p> + The queen cast upon the knight a glance which was far from one of + displeasure, smiled at him, and shook her head. + </p> + <p> + “In this,” said she, “men are great liars.” + </p> + <p> + “I have with me a great truth which I will show you when you wish it.” + replied the knight. “I undertake to give you queen’s fare, and put you on + the high road to joy; by this means you will make up for lost time, the + more so as the king is ruined through other women, while I shall reserve + my advantage for your service.” + </p> + <p> + “And if the king learns of our arrangement, he will put your head on a + level with your feet.” + </p> + <p> + “Even if this misfortune befell me it after the first night, I should + believe I had lived a hundred years, from the joy therein received, for + never have I seen, after visiting all Courts, a princess fit to hold a + candle to your beauty. To be brief, if I die not by the sword, you will + still be the cause of my death, for I am resolved to spend my life in your + love, if life will depart in the place whence it comes.” + </p> + <p> + Now this queen had never heard such words before, and preferred them to + the most sweetly sung mass; her pleasure showed itself in her face, which + became purple, for these words made her blood boil within her veins, so + that the strings of her lute were moved thereat, and struck a sweet note + that rang melodiously in her ears, for this lute fills with its music the + brain and the body of the ladies, by a sweet artifice of their resonant + nature. What a shame to be young, beautiful, Spanish, and queen, and yet + neglected. She conceived an intense disdain for those of her Court who had + kept their lips closed concerning this infidelity, through fear of the + king, and determined to revenge herself with the aid of this handsome + Frenchman, who cared so little for life that in his first words he had + staked it in making a proposition to a queen, which was worthy of death, + if she did her duty. Instead of this, however, she pressed his foot with + her own, in a manner that admitted no misconception, and said aloud to him— + </p> + <p> + “Sir Knight, let us change the subject, for it is very wrong of you to + attack a poor queen in her weak spot. Tell us the customs of the ladies of + the Court of France.” + </p> + <p> + Thus did the knight receive the delicate hint that the business was + arranged. Then he commenced to talk of merry and pleasant things, which + during supper kept the court, the king, the queen, and all the courtiers + in a good humour; so much so that when the siege was raised, Leufroid + declared that he had never laughed so much in his life. Then they strolled + about the gardens, which were the most beautiful in the world, and the + queen made a pretext of the chevalier’s sayings to walk beneath a grove of + blossoming orange trees, which yielded a delicious fragrance. + </p> + <p> + “Lovely and noble queen,” said Gauttier, immediately, “I have seen in all + countries the perdition of love have its birth in these first attentions, + which we call courtesy; if you have confidence in me, let us agree, as + people of high intelligence, to love each other without standing on so + much ceremony; by this means no suspicion will be aroused, our happiness + will be less dangerous and more lasting. In this fashion should queens + conduct their amours, if they would avoid interference.” + </p> + <p> + “Well said,” said she. “But as I am new at this business, I did not know + what arrangements to make.” + </p> + <p> + “Have you are among your women one in whom you have perfect confidence?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said she; “I have a maid who came from Spain with me, who would put + herself on a gridiron for me like St. Lawrence did for God, but she is + always poorly.” + </p> + <p> + “That’s good,” said her companion, “because you go to see her.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said the queen, “and sometimes at night.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” exclaimed Gauttier, “I make a vow to St. Rosalie, patroness of + Sicily, to build her a gold altar for this fortune.” + </p> + <p> + “O Jesus!” cried the queen. “I am doubly blessed in having a lover so + handsome and yet so religious.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah, my dear, I have two sweethearts today, because I have a queen to love + in heaven above, and another one here below, and luckily these loves + cannot clash one with the other.” + </p> + <p> + This sweet speech so affected the queen, that for nothing she would have + fled with this cunning Frenchman. + </p> + <p> + “The Virgin Mary is very powerful in heaven,” said the queen. “Love grant + that I may be like her!” + </p> + <p> + “Bah! they are talking of the Virgin Mary,” said the king, who by chance + had come to watch them, disturbed by a gleam of jealousy, cast into his + heart by a Sicilian courtier, who was furious at the sudden favour which + the Frenchman had obtained. + </p> + <p> + The queen and the chevalier laid their plans, and everything was secretly + arranged to furnish the helmet of the king with two invisible ornaments. + The knight rejoined the Court, made himself agreeable to everyone, and + returned to the Palace of Pezare, whom he told that their fortunes were + made, because on the morrow, at night, he would sleep with the queen. This + swift success astonished the Venetian, who, like a good friend, went in + search of fine perfumes, linen of Brabant, and precious garments, to which + queens are accustomed, with all of which he loaded his friend Gauttier, in + order that the case might be worthy the jewel. + </p> + <p> + “Ah, my friend,” said he “are you sure not to falter, but to go vigorously + to work, to serve the queen bravely, and give her such joys in her castle + of Gallardin that she may hold on for ever to this master staff, like a + drowning sailor to a plank?” + </p> + <p> + “As for that, fear nothing, dear Pezare, because I have the arrears of the + journey, and I will deal with her as with a simple servant, instructing + her in the ways of the ladies of Touraine, who understand love better than + all others, because they make it, remake it, and unmake it to make it + again and having remade it, still keep on making it; and having nothing + else to do, have to do that which always wants doing. Now let us settle + our plans. This is how we shall obtain the government of the island. I + shall hold the queen and you the king; we will play the comedy of being + great enemies before the eyes of the courtiers, in order to divide them + into two parties under our command, and yet, unknown to all, we will + remain friends. By this means we shall know their plots, and will thwart + them, you by listening to my enemies and I to yours. In the course of a + few days we will pretend to quarrel in order to strive one against the + other. This quarrel will be caused by the favour in which I will manage to + place you with the king, through the channel of the queen, and he will + give you supreme power, to my injury.” + </p> + <p> + On the morrow Gauttier went to the house of the Spanish lady, who before + the courtiers he recognised as having known in Spain, and he remained + there seven whole days. As you can imagine, the Touranian treated the + queen as a fondly loved woman, and showed her so many terra incognita in + love, French fashions, little tendernesses, etc., that she nearly lost her + reason through it, and swore that the French were the only people who + thoroughly understood love. You see how the king was punished, who, to + keep her virtuous, had allowed weeds to grow in the grange of love. Their + supernatural festivities touched the queen so strongly that she made a vow + of eternal love to Montsoreau, who had awakened her, by revealing to her + the joys of the proceeding. It was arranged that the Spanish lady should + take care always to be ill; and that the only man to whom the lovers would + confide their secret should be the court physician, who was much attached + to the queen. By chance this physician had in his glottis, chords exactly + similar to those of Gauttier, so that by a freak of nature they had the + same voice, which much astonished the queen. The physician swore on his + life faithfully to serve the pretty couple, for he deplored the sad + desertion of this beautiful women, and was delighted to know she would be + served as a queen should be—a rare thing. + </p> + <p> + A month elapsed and everything was going on to the satisfaction of the two + friends, who worked the plans laid by the queen, in order to get the + government of Sicily into the hands of Pezare, to the detriment of + Montsoreau, whom the king loved for his great wisdom; but the queen would + not consent to have him, because he was so ungallant. Leufroid dismissed + the Duke of Cataneo, his principal follower, and put the Chevalier Pezare + in his place. The Venetian took no notice of his friend the Frenchmen. + Then Gauttier burst out, declaimed loudly against the treachery and abused + friendship of his former comrade, and instantly earned the devotion of + Cataneo and his friends, with whom he made a compact to overthrow Pezare. + Directly he was in office the Venetian, who was a shrewd man, and well + suited to govern states, which was the usual employment of Venetian + gentlemen, worked wonders in Sicily, repaired the ports, brought merchants + there by the fertility of his inventions and by granting them facilities, + put bread into the mouths of hundreds of poor people, drew thither + artisans of all trades, because fetes were always being held, and also the + idle and rich from all quarters, even from the East. Thus harvests, the + products of the earth, and other commodities, were plentiful; and galleys + came from Asia, the which made the king much envied, and the happiest king + in the Christian world, because through these things his Court was the + most renowned in the countries of Europe. This fine political aspect was + the result of the perfect agreement of the two men who thoroughly + understood each other. The one looked after the pleasures, and was himself + the delight of the queen, whose face was always bright and gay, because + she was served according to the method of Touraine, and became animated + through excessive happiness; and he also took care to keep the king + amused, finding him every day new mistresses, and casting him into a whirl + of dissipation. The king was much astonished at the good temper of the + queen, whom, since the arrival of the Sire de Montsoreau in the island, he + had touched no more than a Jew touches bacon. Thus occupied, the king and + queen abandoned the care of their kingdom to the other friend, who + conducted the affairs of government, ruled the establishment, managed the + finances, and looked to the army, and all exceedingly well, knowing where + money was to be made, enriching the treasury, and preparing all the great + enterprises above mentioned. + </p> + <p> + The state of things lasted three years, some say four, but the monks of + Saint Benoist have not wormed out the date, which remains obscure, like + the reasons for the quarrel between the two friends. Probably the Venetian + had the high ambition to reign without any control or dispute, and forgot + the services which the Frenchman had rendered him. Thus do the men who + live in Courts behave, for, according to the statements of the Messire + Aristotle in his works, that which ages the most rapidly in this world is + a kindness, although extinguished love is sometimes very rancid. Now, + relying on the perfect friendship of Leufroid, who called him his crony, + and would have done anything for him, the Venetian conceived the idea of + getting rid of his friend by revealing to the king the mystery of his + cuckoldom, and showing him the source of the queen’s happiness, not + doubting for a moment but that he would commence by depriving Monsoreau of + his head, according to a practice common in Sicily under similar + circumstances. By this means Pezare would have all the money that he and + Gauttier had noiselessly conveyed to the house of a Lombard of Genoa, + which money was their joint property on account of their fraternity. This + treasure, increased on one side by the magnificent presents made to + Montsoreau by the queen, who had vast estates in Spain, and other, by + inheritance in Italy; on the other, by the king’s gifts to his prime + minister, to whom he also gave certain rights over the merchants, and + other indulgences. The treacherous friend, having determined to break his + vow, took care to conceal his intention from Gauttier, because the + Touranian was an awkward man to tackle. + </p> + <p> + One night that Pezare knew that the queen was in bed with her lover, who + loved him as though each night were a wedding one, so skilful was she at + the business, the traitor promised the king to let him take evidence in + the case, through a hole he had made in the wardrobe of the Spanish lady, + who always pretended to be at death’s door. In order to obtain a better + view, Pezare waited until the sun had risen. The Spanish lady, who was + fleet of foot, had a quick eye and a sharp ear, heard footsteps, peeped + out, and perceiving the king, followed by the Venetian, through a crossbar + in the closet in which she slept the night that the queen had her lover + between two sheets, which is certainly the best way to have a lover. She + ran to warn the couple of this betrayal. But the king’s eye was already at + the cursed hole, Leufroid saw—what? + </p> + <p> + That beautiful and divine lantern with burns so much oil and lights the + world—a lantern adorned with the most lovely baubles, flaming, + brilliantly, which he thought more lovely than all the others, because he + had lost sight of it for so long a time that it appeared quite new to him; + but the size of the hole prevented him seeing anything else except the + hand of a man, which modestly covered the lantern, and he heard the voice + of Montsoreau saying— + </p> + <p> + “How’s the little treasure, this morning?” A playful expression, which + lovers used jokingly, because this lantern is in all countries the sun of + love, and for this the prettiest possible names are bestowed upon it, + whilst comparing it to the loveliest things in nature, such as my + pomegranate, my rose, my little shell, my hedgehog, my gulf of love, my + treasure, my master, my little one; some even dared most heretically to + say, my god! If you don’t believe it, ask your friends. + </p> + <p> + At this moment the lady let him understand by a gesture that the king was + there. + </p> + <p> + “Can he hear?” said the queen. + </p> + <p> + “Yes.” + </p> + <p> + “Can he see?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes.” + </p> + <p> + “Who brought him?” + </p> + <p> + “Pezare.” + </p> + <p> + “Fetch the physician, and get Gauttier into his own room.” said the queen. + </p> + <p> + In less time than it takes a beggar to say “God bless you, sir!” the queen + had swathed the lantern in linen and paint, so that you would have thought + it a hideous wound in a state of grievous inflammation. When the king, + enraged by what he overheard, burst open the door, he found the queen + lying on the bed exactly as he has seen her through the hole, and the + physician, examining the lantern swathed in bandages, and saying, “How it + is the little treasure, this morning?” in exactly the same voice as the + king had heard. A jocular and cheerful expression, because physicians and + surgeons use cheerful words with ladies and treat this sweet flower with + flowery phrases. This sight made the king look as foolish as a fox caught + in a trap. The queen sprang up, reddening with shame, and asking what man + dared to intrude upon her privacy at such a moment, but perceiving the + king, she said to him as follows:— + </p> + <p> + “Ah! my lord, you have discovered that which I have endeavoured to conceal + from you: that I am so badly treated by you that I am afflicted with a + burning ailment, of which my dignity would not allow me to complain, but + which needs secret dressing in order to assuage the influence of the vital + forces. To save my honour and your own, I am compelled to come to my good + Lady Miraflor, who consoles me in my troubles.” + </p> + <p> + Then the physician commenced to treat Leufroid to an oration, interlarded + with Latin quotations and precious grains from Hippocrates, Galen, the + School of Salerno, and others, in which he showed him how necessary to + women was the proper cultivation of the field of Venus, and that there was + great danger of death to queens of Spanish temperament, whose blood was + excessively amorous. He delivered himself of his arguments with great + solemnity of feature, voice, and manner, in order to give the Sire de + Montsoreau time to get to bed. Then the queen took the same text to preach + the king a sermon as long as his arm, and requested the loan of that limb, + that the king might conduct her to her apartment instead of the poor + invalid, who usually did so in order to avoid calumny. When they were in + the gallery where the Sire de Montsoreau resided, the queen said jokingly, + “You should play a good trick on this Frenchman, who I would wager is with + some lady, and not in his own room. All the ladies of Court are in love + with him, and there will be mischief some day through him. If you had + taken my advice he would not be in Sicily now.” + </p> + <p> + Leufroid went suddenly into Gauttier’s room, whom he found in a deep + sleep, and snoring like a monk in Church. The queen returned with the + king, whom she took to her apartments, and whispered to one of the guards + to send to her the lord whose place Pezare occupied. Then, while she + fondled the king, taking breakfast with him, she took the lord directly he + came, into an adjoining room. + </p> + <p> + “Erect a gallows on the bastion,” said she, “then seize the knight Pezare, + and manage so that he is hanged instantly, without giving time to write or + say a single word on any subject whatsoever. Such is our good pleasure and + supreme command.” + </p> + <p> + Cataneo made no remark. While Pezare was thinking to himself that his + friend Gauttier would soon be minus his head, the Duke Cataneo came to + seize and lead him on to bastion, from which he could see at the queen’s + window the Sire de Montsoreau in company with the king, the queen, and the + courtiers, and came to the conclusion that he who looked after the queen + had a better chance in everything than he who looked after the king. + </p> + <p> + “My dear,” said the queen to her spouse, leading him to the window, + “behold a traitor, who was endeavouring to deprive you of that which you + hold dearest in the world, and I will give you the proofs when you have + the leisure to study them.” + </p> + <p> + Montsoreau, seeing the preparations for the final ceremony, threw himself + at the king’s feet, to obtain the pardon of him who was his mortal enemy, + at which the king was much moved. + </p> + <p> + “Sire de Monsoreau,” said the queen, turning towards him with an angry + look, “are you so bold as to oppose our will and pleasure?” + </p> + <p> + “You are a noble knight,” said the king, “but you do not know how bitter + this Venetian was against you.” + </p> + <p> + Pezare was delicately strangled between the head and the shoulders, for + the queen revealed his treacheries to the king, proving to him, by the + declaration of a Lombard of the town, the enormous sums which Pezare had + in the bank of Genoa, the whole of which were given up to Montsoreau. + </p> + <p> + This noble and lovely queen died, as related in the history of Sicily, + that is, in consequence of a heavy labour, during which she gave birth to + a son, who was a man as great in himself as he was unfortunate in his + undertakings. The king believed the physician’s statement, that the said + termination to this accouchement was caused by the too chaste life the + queen had led, and believing himself responsible for it, he founded the + Church of the Madonna, which is one of the finest in the town of Palermo. + The Sire de Monsoreau, who was a witness of the king’s remorse, told him + that when a king got his wife from Spain, he ought to know that this queen + would require more attention than any other, because the Spanish ladies + were so lively that they equalled ten ordinary women, and that if he + wished a wife for show only, he should get her from the north of Germany, + where the women are as cold as ice. The good knight came back to Touraine + laden with wealth, and lived there many years, but never mentioned his + adventures in Sicily. He returned there to aid the king’s son in his + principal attempt against Naples, and left Italy when this sweet prince + was wounded, as is related in the Chronicle. + </p> + <p> + Besides the high moralities contained in the title of this tale, where it + is said that fortune, being female, is always on the side of the ladies, + and that men are quite right to serve them well, it shows us that silence + is the better part of wisdom. Nevertheless, the monkish author of this + narrative seems to draw this other no less learned moral therefrom, that + interest which makes so many friendships, breaks them also. But from these + three versions you can choose the one that best accords with your judgment + and your momentary requirement. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0043" id="link2H_4_0043"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CONCERNING A POOR MAN WHO WAS CALLED LE VIEUX PAR-CHEMINS + </h2> + <p> + The old chronicler who furnished the hemp to weave the present story, is + said to have lived at the time when the affair occurred in the City of + Rouen. + </p> + <p> + In the environs of this fair town, where at the time dwelt Duke Richard, + an old man used to beg, whose name was Tryballot, but to whom was given + the nickname of Le Vieux par-Chemins, or the Old Man of the Roads; not + because he was yellow and dry as vellum, but because he was always in the + high-ways and by-ways—up hill and down dale—slept with the sky + for his counterpane, and went about in rags and tatters. Notwithstanding + this, he was very popular in the duchy, where everyone had grown used to + him, so much so that if the month went by without anyone seeing his cup + held towards them, people would say, “Where is the old man?” and the usual + answer was, “On the roads.” + </p> + <p> + This said man had had for a father a Tryballot, who was in his lifetime a + skilled artisan, so economical and careful, that he left considerable + wealth to his son. + </p> + <p> + But the young lad soon frittered it away, for he was the very opposite of + the old fellow, who, returning from the fields to his house, picked up, + now here, now there, many a little stick of wood left right and left, + saying, conscientiously, that one should never come home empty handed. + Thus he warmed himself in the winter at the expense of the careless; and + he did well. Everyone recognised what a good example this was for the + country, since a year before his death no one left a morsel of wood on the + road; he had compelled the most dissipated to be thrifty and orderly. But + his son made ducks and drakes of everything, and did not follow his wise + example. The father had predicted the thing. From the boy’s earliest + youth, when the good Tryballot set him to watch the birds who came to eat + the peas, beans, and the grain, and to drive the thieves away, above all, + the jays, who spoiled everything, he would study their habits, and took + delight in watching with what grace they came and went, flew off loaded, + and returned, watching with a quick eye the snares and nets; and he would + laugh heartily at their cleverness in avoiding them. Tryballot senior went + into a passion when he found his grain considerably less in a measure. But + although he pulled his son’s ears whenever he caught him idling and + trifling under a nut tree, the little rascal did not alter his conduct, + but continued to study the habits of the blackbirds, sparrows, and other + intelligent marauders. One day his father told him that he would be wise + to model himself after them, for that if he continued this kind of life, + he would be compelled in his old age like them, to pilfer, and like them, + would be pursued by justice. This came true; for, as has before been + stated, he dissipated in a few days the crowns which his careful father + had acquired in a life-time. He dealt with men as he did with the + sparrows, letting everyone put a hand in his pocket, and contemplating the + grace and polite demeanour of those who assisted to empty it. The end of + his wealth was thus soon reached. When the devil had the empty money bag + to himself, Tryballot did not appear at all cut up, saying, that he “did + not wish to damn himself for this world’s goods, and that he had studied + philosophy in the school of the birds.” + </p> + <p> + After having thoroughly enjoyed himself, of all his goods, there only + remained to him a goblet bought at Landict, and three dice, quite + sufficient furniture for drinking and gambling, so that he went about + without being encumbered, as are the great, with chariots, carpets, + dripping pans, and an infinite number of varlets. Tryballot wished to see + his good friends, but they no longer knew him, which fact gave him leave + no longer to recognise anyone. Seeing this, he determined to choose a + profession in which there was nothing to do and plenty to gain. Thinking + this over, he remembered the indulgences of the blackbirds and the + sparrows. Then the good Tryballot selected for his profession that of + begging money at people’s houses, and pilfering. From the first day, + charitable people gave him something, and Tryballot was content, finding + the business good, without advance money or bad debts; on the contrary, + full of accommodation. He went about it so heartily, that he was liked + everywhere, and received a thousand consolations refused to rich people. + The good man watched the peasants planting, sowing, reaping, and making + harvest, and said to himself, that they worked a little for him as well. + He who had a pig in his larder owed him a bit for it, without suspecting + it. The man who baked a loaf in his oven often baked it for Tryballot + without knowing it. He took nothing by force; on the contrary, people said + to him kindly, while making him a present, “Here Vieux par-Chemins, cheer + up, old fellow. How are you? Come, take this; the cat began it, you can + finish it.” + </p> + <p> + Vieux par-Chemins was at all the weddings, baptisms, and funerals, because + he went everywhere where there was, openly or secretly, merriment and + feasting. He religiously kept the statutes and canons of his order—namely, + to do nothing, because if he had been able to do the smallest amount of + work no one would ever give anything again. After having refreshed + himself, this wise man would lay full length in a ditch, or against a + church wall, and think over public affairs; and then he would + philosophise, like his pretty tutors, the blackbirds, jays, and sparrows, + and thought a great deal while mumping; for, because his apparel was poor, + was that a reason his understanding should not be rich? His philosophy + amused his clients, to whom he would repeat, by way of thanks, the finest + aphorisms of his science. According to him, suppers produced gout in the + rich: he boasted that he had nimble feet, because his shoemaker gave him + boots that do not pinch his corns. There were aching heads beneath + diadems, but his never ached, because it was touched neither by luxury nor + any other chaplet. And again, that jewelled rings hinder the circulation + of the blood. Although he covered himself with sores, after the manner of + cadgers, you may be sure he was as sound as a child at the baptismal font. + </p> + +<div class="fig" style="width:35%;"> + <img src="images/505s.jpg" alt="505s " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/505.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a + href="images/505m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a> + </h4> + <p> + The good man disported himself with other rogues, playing with his three + dice, which he kept to remind him to spend his coppers, in order that he + might always be poor. In spite of his vow, he was, like all the order of + mendicants, so wealthy that one day at the Paschal feast, another beggar + wishing to rent his profit from him, Vieux par-Chemins refused ten crowns + for it; in fact, the same evening he spent fourteen crowns in drinking the + health of the alms-givers, because it is the statutes of beggary that one + should show one’s gratitude to donors. Although he carefully got rid of + that of which had been a source of anxiety to others, who, having too much + wealth went in search of poverty, he was happier with nothing in the world + than when he had his father’s money. And seeing what are the conditions of + nobility, he was always on the high road to it, because he did nothing + except according to his fancy, and lived nobly without labour. Thirty + crowns would not have got him out of a bed when he was in it. The morrow + always dawned for him as it did for others, while leading this happy life; + which, according to the statements of Plato, whose authority has more than + once been invoked in these narratives, certain ancient sages had led + before him. At last, Vieux par-Chemins reached the age of eighty-two + years, having never been a single day without picking up money, and + possessed the healthiest colour and complexion imaginable. He believed + that if he had persevered in the race for wealth he would have been + spoiled and buried years before. It is possible he was right. + </p> + <p> + In his early youth Vieux par-Chemins had the illustrious virtue of being + very partial to the ladies; and his abundance of love was, it is said, the + result of his studies among the sparrows. Thus it was that he was always + ready to give the ladies his assistance in counting the joists, and this + generosity finds its physical cause in the fact that, having nothing to + do, he was always ready to do something. His secret virtues brought about, + it is said, that popularity which he enjoyed in the provinces. Certain + people say that the lady of Chaumont had him in her castle, to learn the + truth about these qualities, and kept him there for a week, to prevent him + begging. But the good man jumped over the hedges and fled in great terror + of being rich. Advancing in age, this great quintessencer found himself + disdained, although his notable faculties of loving were in no way + impaired. This unjust turning away on the part of the female tribe caused + the first trouble of Vieux par-Chemins, and the celebrated trial of Rouen, + to which it is time I came. + </p> + <p> + In this eighty-second year of his age he was compelled to remain continent + for about seven months, during which time he met no woman kindly disposed + towards him; and he declared before the judge that that had caused the + greatest astonishment of his long and honourable life. In this most + pitiable state he saw in the fields during the merry month of May a girl, + who by chance was a maiden, and minding cows. The heat was so excessive + that this cowherdess had stretched herself beneath the shadow of a beech + tree, her face to the ground, after the custom of people who labour in the + fields, in order to get a little nap while her animals were grazing. She + was awakened by the deed of the old man, who had stolen from her that + which a poor girl could only lose once. Finding herself ruined without + receiving from the process either knowledge or pleasure, she cried out so + loudly that the people working in the fields ran to her, and were called + upon by her as witnesses, at the time when that destruction was visible in + her which is appropriate only to a bridal night. She cried and groaned, + saying that the old ape might just as well have played his tricks on her + mother, who would have said nothing. + </p> + <p> + He made answer to the peasants, who had already raised their hoes to kill + him, that he had been compelled to enjoy himself. These people objected + that a man can enjoy himself very well without enjoying a maiden—a + case for the provost, which would bring him straight to the gallows; and + he was taken with great clamour to the jail of Rouen. + </p> + <p> + The girl, interrogated by the provost, declared that she was sleeping in + order to do something, and that she thought she was dreaming of her lover, + with whom she was then at loggerheads, because before marriage he wished + to take certain liberties: and jokingly, in this dream she let him + reconnoiter to a certain extent, in order to avoid any dispute afterwards, + and that in spite of her prohibitions he went further than she had given + him leave to go, and finding more pain than pleasure in the affair, she + had been awakened by Vieux par-Chemins, who had attacked her as a + gray-friar would a ham at the end of lent. + </p> + <p> + This trial caused so great a commotion in the town of Rouen that the + provost was sent for by the duke, who had an intense desire to know if the + thing were true. Upon the affirmation of the provost, he ordered Vieux + par-Chemins to be brought to his palace, in order that he might hear what + defence he had to make. The poor old fellow appeared before the prince, + and informed him naively of the misfortune which his impulsive nature + brought upon him, declaring that he was like a young fellow impelled by + imperious desires; that up to the present year he had sweethearts of his + own, but for the last eight months he had been a total abstainer; that he + was too poor to find favour with the girls of the town; that honest women + who once were charitable to him, had taken a dislike to his hair, which + had feloniously turned white in spite of the green youth of his love, and + that he felt compelled to avail himself of the chance when he saw this + maiden, who, stretched at full length under the beech tree, left visible + the lining of her dress and two hemispheres, white as snow, which had + deprived him of reason; that the fault was the girl’s and not his, because + young maidens should be forbidden to entice passers-by by showing them + that which caused Venus to be named Callipyge; finally the prince ought to + be aware what trouble a man had to control himself at the hour of noon, + because that was the time of day at which King David was smitten with the + wife of the Sieur Uriah, that where a Hebrew king, beloved of God, had + succumbed, a poor man, deprived of all joy, and reduced to begging for his + bread, could not expect to escape; that for that matter of that, he was + quite willing to sing psalms for the remainder of his days, and play upon + a lute by way of penance, in imitation of the said king, who had had the + misfortune to slay a husband, while he had only done a trifling injury to + a peasant girl. The duke listened to the arguments of Vieux par-Chemins, + and said that he was a man of good parts. Then he made his memorable + decree, that if, as this beggar declared, he had need of such + gratification at his age he gave permission to prove it at the foot of the + ladder which he would have to mount to be hanged, according to the + sentence already passed on him by the provost; that if then, the rope + being round his neck, between the priest and the hangman, a like desire + seized him he should have a free pardon. + </p> + <p> + This decree becoming known, there was a tremendous crowd to see the old + fellow led to the gallows. There was a line drawn up as if for a ducal + entry, and in it many more bonnets than hats. Vieux par-Chemins was saved + by a lady curious to see how this precious violator would finish his + career. She told the duke that religion demanded that he should have a + fair chance. And she dressed herself as if for a ball; she brought + intentionally into evidence two hillocks of such snowy whiteness that the + whitest linen neckerchief would have paled before them; indeed, these + fruits of love stood out, without a wrinkle, over her corset, like two + beautiful apples, and made one’s mouth water, so exquisite were they. This + noble lady, who was one of those who rouse one’s manhood, had a smile + ready on her lips for the old fellow. Vieux par-Chemins, dressed in + garments of coarse cloth, more certain of being in the desired state after + hanging than before it, came along between the officers of justice with a + sad countenance, glancing now here and there, and seeing nothing but + head-dresses; and he would he declared, have given a hundred crowns for a + girl tucked up as was the cowherdess, whose charms, though they had been + his ruin, he still remembered, and they might still have saved him; but, + as he was old, the remembrance was not sufficiently recent. But when, at + the foot of the ladder, he saw the twin charms of the lady, and the pretty + delta that their confluent rotundities produced, the sight so much excited + him that his emotion was patent to the spectators. + </p> + <p> + “Make haste and see that the required conditions are fulfilled,” said he + to the officers. “I have gained my pardon but I cannot answer for my + saviour.” + </p> + <p> + The lady was well pleased with this homage, which, she said, was greater + than his offence. The guards, whose business it was to proceed to a + verification, believed the culprit to be the devil, because never in their + wits had they seen an “I” so perpendicular as was the old man. He was + marched in triumph through the town to the palace of the duke, to whom the + guards and others stated the facts. In that period of ignorance, this + affair was thought so much of that the town voted the erection of a column + on the spot where the old fellow gained his pardon, and he was portrayed + thereon in stone in the attitude he assumed at the sight of that honest + and virtuous lady. The statue was still to be seen when Rouen was taken by + the English, and the writers of the period have included this history + among the notable events of the reign. + </p> + <p> + As the town offered to supply the old man with all he required, and see to + his sustenance, clothing, and amusements, the good duke arranged matters + by giving the injured maiden a thousand crowns and marrying her to her + seducer, who then lost his name of Vieux par-Chemins. He was named by the + duke the Sieur de Bonne-C———. This wife was confined + nine months afterwards of a perfectly formed male child, alive and + kicking, and born with two teeth. From this marriage came the house of + Bonne-C———, who from motives modest but wrong, besought + our well-beloved King Louis Eleventh to grant them letters patent to + change their names into that of Bonne-Chose. The king pointed out to the + Sieur de Bonne-C——— that there was in the state of + Venice an illustrious family named Coglioni, who wore three “C——— + au natural” on their coat of arms. The gentlemen of the House of Bonne-C——— + stated to the king that their wives were ashamed to be thus called in + public assemblies; the king answered that they would lose a great deal, + because there is a great deal in a name. Nevertheless, he granted the + letters. After that this race was known by this name, and founded families + in many provinces. The first Sieur de Bonne-C——— lived + another 27 years, and had another son and two daughters. But he grieved + much at becoming rich, and no longer being able to pick up a living in the + street. + </p> + <p> + From this you can obtain finer lessons and higher morals than from any + story you will read all your life long—of course excepting these + hundred glorious Droll Tales—namely, that never could adventure of + this sort have happened to the impaired and ruined constitutions of court + rascals, rich people and others who dig their graves with their teeth by + over-eating and drinking many wines that impair the implements of + happiness; which said over-fed people were lolling luxuriously in costly + draperies and on feather beds, while the Sieur de Bonne-Chose was roughing + it. In a similar situation, if they had eaten cabbage, it would have given + them the diarrhoea. This may incite many of those who read this story to + change their mode of life, in order to imitate Vieux par-Chemins in his + old age. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0044" id="link2H_4_0044"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + ODD SAYINGS OF THREE PILGRIMS + </h2> + <p> + When the pope left his good town of Avignon to take up his residence in + Rome, certain pilgrims were thrown out who had set out for this country, + and would have to pass the high Alps, in order to gain this said town of + Rome, where they were going to seek the <i>remittimus</i> of various sins. + Then were to be seen on the roads, and the hostelries, those who wore the + order of Cain, otherwise the flower of the penitents, all wicked fellows, + burdened with leprous souls, which thirsted to bathe in the papal piscina, + and all carrying with them gold or precious things to purchase absolution, + pay for their beds, and present to the saints. You may be sure that those + who drank water going, on their return, if the landlords gave them water, + wished it to be the holy water of the cellar. + </p> + <p> + At this time the three pilgrims came to this said Avignon to their injury, + seeing that it was widowed of the pope. While they were passing the + Rhodane, to reach the Mediterranean coast, one of the three pilgrims, who + had with him a son about 10 years of age, parted company with the others, + and near the town of Milan suddenly appeared again, but without the boy. + Now in the evening, at supper, they had a hearty feast in order to + celebrate the return of the pilgrim, who they thought had become disgusted + with penitence through the pope not being in Avignon. Of these three + roamers to Rome, one had come from the city of Paris, the other from + Germany, and the third, who doubtless wished to instruct his son on the + journey, had his home in the duchy of Burgundy, in which he had certain + fiefs, and was a younger son of the house of Villers-la-Faye (Villa in + Fago), and was named La Vaugrenand. The German baron had met the citizen + of Paris just past Lyons, and both had accosted the Sire de la Vaugrenand + in sight of Avignon. + </p> + <p> + Now in this hostelry the three pilgrims loosened their tongues, and agreed + to journey to Rome together, in order the better to resist the foot pads, + the night-birds, and other malefactors, who made it their business to ease + pilgrims of that which weighed upon their bodies before the pope eased + them of that which weighed upon their consciences. After drinking the + three companions commenced to talk together, for the bottle is the key of + conversation, and each made this confession—that the cause of his + pilgrimage was a woman. The servant who watched their drinking, told them + that of a hundred pilgrims who stopped in the locality, ninety-nine were + travelling from the same thing. These three wise men then began to + consider how pernicious is woman to man. The Baron showed the heavy gold + chain that he had in his hauberk to present to Saint Peter, and said his + crime was such that he would not get rid of with the value of two such + chains. The Parisian took off his glove, and exposed a ring set with a + white diamond, saying that he had a hundred like it for the pope. The + Burgundian took off his hat, and exhibited two wonderful pearls, that were + beautiful ear-pendants for Notre-Dame-de-Lorette, and candidly confessed + that he would rather have left them round his wife’s neck. + </p> + <p> + Thereupon the servant exclaimed that their sins must have been as great as + those of Visconti. + </p> + <p> + Then the pilgrims replied that they were such that they had made a solemn + vow in their minds never to go astray again during the remainder of their + days, however beautiful the woman might be, and this in addition to the + penance which the pope might impose upon them. + </p> + <p> + Then the servant expressed her astonishment that all had made the same + vow. The Burgundian added, that this vow had been the cause of his lagging + behind, because he had been in extreme fear that his son, in spite of his + age, might go astray, and that he had made a vow to prevent people and + beasts alike gratifying their passions in his house, or upon his estates. + The baron having inquired the particulars of the adventure, the sire + narrated the affair as follows:— + </p> + <p> + “You know that the good Countess Jeane d’Avignon made formerly a law for + the harlots, who she compelled to live in the outskirts of the town in + houses with window-shutters painted red and closed. Now passing in my + company in this vile neighbourhood, my lad remarked these houses with + closed window-shutters, painted red, and his curiosity being aroused—for + these ten-year old little devils have eyes for everything—he pulled + me by the sleeve and kept on pulling until he had learnt from me what + these houses were. Then, to obtain peace, I told him that young lads had + nothing to do with such places, and could only enter them at the peril of + their lives, because it was a place where men and women were manufactured, + and the danger was such for anyone unacquainted with the business that if + a novice entered, flying chancres and other wild beasts would seize upon + his face. Fear seized the lad, who then followed me to the hostelry in a + state of agitation, and not daring to cast his eyes upon the said bordels. + While I was in the stable, seeing to the putting up of the horses, my son + went off like a robber, and the servant was unable to tell me what had + become of him. Then I was in great fear of the wenches, but had confidence + in the laws, which forbade them to admit such children. At supper-time the + rascal came back to me looking no more ashamed of himself than did our + divine Saviour in the temple among the doctors. + </p> + <p> + “‘Whence comes you?’ said I to him. + </p> + <p> + “‘From the houses with the red shutters,’ he replied. + </p> + <p> + “‘Little blackguard,’ said I, ‘I’ll give you a taste of the whip.’ + </p> + <p> + “Then he began to moan and cry. I told him that if he would confess all + that had happened to him I would let him off the beating. + </p> + <p> + “‘Ha,’ said he, ‘I took care not to go in, because of the flying chancres + and other wild beasts. I only looked through the chinks of the windows, in + order to see how men were manufactured.’ + </p> + <p> + “‘And what did you see?’ I asked. + </p> + <p> + “‘I saw,’ said he, ‘a fine woman just being finished, because she only + wanted one peg, which a young worker was fitting in with energy. Directly + she was finished she turned round, spoke to, and kissed her manufacturer.’ + </p> + <p> + “‘Have your supper,’ said I; and the same night I returned into Burgundy, + and left him with his mother, being sorely afraid that at the first town + he might want to fit a peg into some girl.” + </p> + <p> + “These children often make these sort of answers,” said the Parisian. “One + of my neighbour’s children revealed the cuckoldom of his father by a + reply. One day I asked, to see if he was well instructed at school in + religious matters, ‘What is hope?’ ‘One of the king’s big archers, who + comes here when father goes out,’ said he. Indeed, the sergeant of the + Archers was named Hope. My friend was dumbfounded at this, and, although + to keep his countenance he looked in the mirror, he could not see his + horns there.” + </p> + <p> + The baron observed that the boy’s remark was good in this way: that Hope + is a person who comes to bed with us when the realities of life are out of + the way. + </p> + <p> + “Is a cuckold made in the image of God?” asked the Burgundian. + </p> + <p> + “No,” said the Parisian, “because God was wise in this respect, that he + took no wife; therefore is He happy through all eternity.” + </p> + <p> + “But,” said the maid-servant, “cuckolds are made in the image of God + before they are horned.” + </p> + <p> + Then the three pilgrims began to curse women, saying that they were the + cause of all the evils in the world. + </p> + <p> + “Their heads are as empty as helmets,” said the Burgundian. + </p> + <p> + “Their hearts are as straight as bill-hooks,” said the Parisian. + </p> + <p> + “Why are there so many men pilgrims and so few women pilgrims?” said the + German baron. + </p> + <p> + “Their cursed member never sins,” replied the Parisian; “it knows neither + father nor mother, the commandments of God, nor those of the Church, + neither laws divine or human: their member knows no doctrine, understands + no heresies, and cannot be blamed; it is innocent of all, and always on + the laugh; its understanding is nil; and for this reason do I hold it in + utter detestation.” + </p> + <p> + “I also,” said the Burgundian, “and I begin to understand the different + reading by a learned man of the verses of the Bible, in which the account + of the creation is given. In this Commentary, which in my country we call + a Noel, lies the reason of imperfection of this feature of women, of + which, different to that of other females, no man can slake the thirst, + such diabolical heat existing there. In this Noel is stated that the Lord + God, having turned his head to look at a donkey, who had brayed for the + first time in his Paradise, while he was manufacturing Eve, the devil + seized this moment to put his finger into this divine creature, and made a + warm wound, which the Lord took care to close with a stitch, from which + comes the maid. By means of this frenum, the woman should remain closed, + and children be made in the same manner in which God made the angels, by a + pleasure far above carnal pleasure as the heaven is above the earth. + Observing this closing, the devil, wild at being done, pinched the Sieur + Adam, who was asleep, by the skin, and stretched a portion of it out in + imitation of his diabolical tail; but as the father of man was on his back + this appendage came out in front. Thus these two productions of the devil + had the desire to reunite themselves, following the law of similarities + which God had laid down for the conduct of the world. From this came the + first sin and the sorrows of the human race, because God, noticing the + devil’s work, determined to see what would come of it.” + </p> + <p> + The servant declared that they were quite correct in the statements, for + that woman was a bad animal, and that she herself knew some who were + better under the ground than on it. The pilgrims, noticing then how pretty + the girl was, were afraid of breaking their vows, and went straight to + bed. The girl went and told her mistress she was harbouring infidels, and + told her what they had said about women. + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said the landlady, “what matters it to me the thoughts my customers + have in their brains, so long as their purses are well filled.” + </p> + <p> + And when the servant had told of the jewels, she exclaimed— + </p> + <p> + “Ah, these are questions which concern all women. Let us go and reason + with them. I’ll take the nobles, you can have the citizen.” + </p> + <p> + The landlady, who was the most shameless inhabitant of the duchy of Milan, + went into the chamber where the Sire de La Vaugrenand and the German baron + were sleeping, and congratulated them upon their vows, saying that the + women would not lose much by them; but to accomplish these said vows it + was necessary they should endeavour to withstand the strongest + temptations. Then she offered to lie down beside them, so anxious were she + to see if she would be left unmolested, a thing which had never happened + to her yet in the company of a man. + </p> + <p> + On the morrow, at breakfast, the servant had the ring on her finger, her + mistress had the gold chain and the pearl earrings. The three pilgrims + stayed in the town about a month, spending there all the money they had in + their purses, and agreed that if they had spoken so severely of women it + was because they had not known those of Milan. + </p> + <p> + On his return to Germany the Baron made this observation: that he was only + guilty of one sin, that of being in his castle. The Citizen of Paris came + back full of stories for his wife, and found her full of Hope. The + Burgundian saw Madame de La Vaugrenand so troubled that he nearly died of + the consolations he administered to her, in spite of his former opinions. + This teaches us to hold our tongues in hostelries. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0045" id="link2H_4_0045"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + INNOCENCE + </h2> + <p> + By the double crest of my fowl, and by the rose lining of my sweetheart’s + slipper! By all the horns of well-beloved cuckolds, and by the virtue of + their blessed wives! the finest work of man is neither poetry, nor painted + pictures, nor music, nor castles, nor statues, be they carved never so + well, nor rowing, nor sailing galleys, but children. + </p> + <p> + Understand me, children up to the age of ten years, for after that they + become men or women, and cutting their wisdom teeth, are not worth what + they cost; the worst are the best. Watch them playing, prettily and + innocently, with slippers; above all, cancellated ones, with the household + utensils, leaving that which displeases them, crying after that which + pleases them, munching the sweets and confectionery in the house, nibbling + at the stores, and always laughing as soon as their teeth are cut, and you + will agree with me that they are in every way lovable; besides which they + are flower and fruit—the fruit of love, the flower of life. Before + their minds have been unsettled by the disturbances of life, there is + nothing in this world more blessed or more pleasant than their sayings, + which are naive beyond description. This is as true as the double chewing + machine of a cow. Do not expect a man to be innocent after the manner of + children, because there is an, I know not what, ingredient of reason in + the naivety of a man, while the naivety of children is candid, immaculate, + and has all the finesse of the mother, which is plainly proved in this + tale. + </p> + <p> + Queen Catherine was at that time Dauphine, and to make herself welcome to + the king, her father-in-law, who at that time was very ill indeed, + presented him, from time to time, with Italian pictures, knowing that he + liked them much, being a friend of the Sieur Raphael d’Urbin and of the + Sieurs Primatice and Leonardo da Vinci, to whom he sent large sums of + money. She obtained from her family—who had the pick of these works, + because at that time the Duke of the Medicis governed Tuscany —a + precious picture, painted by a Venetian named Titian (artist to the + Emperor Charles, and in very high flavour), in which there were portraits + of Adam and Eve at the moment when God left them to wander about the + terrestrial Paradise, and were painted their full height, in the costume + of the period, in which it is difficult to make a mistake, because they + were attired in their ignorance, and caparisoned with the divine grace + which enveloped them—a difficult thing to execute on account of the + colour, but one in which the said Sieur Titian excelled. The picture was + put into the room of the poor king, who was then ill with the disease of + which he eventually died. It had a great success at the Court of France, + where everyone wished to see it; but no one was able to until after the + king’s death, since at his desire it was allowed to remain in his room as + long as he lived. + </p> + <p> + One day Madame Catherine took with her to the king’s room her son Francis + and little Margot, who began to talk at random, as children will. Now + here, now there, these children had heard this picture of Adam and Eve + spoken about, and had tormented their mother to take them there. Since the + two little ones at times amused the old king, Madame the Dauphine + consented to their request. + </p> + <p> + “You wished to see Adam and Eve, who were our first parents; there they + are,” said she. + </p> + <p> + Then she left them in great astonishment before Titian’s picture, and + seated herself by the bedside of the king, who delighted to watch the + children. + </p> + <p> + “Which of the two is Adam?” said Francis, nudging his sister Margot’s + elbow. + </p> + <p> + “You silly!” replied she, “to know that, they would have to be dressed!” + </p> + <p> + This reply, which delighted the poor king and the mother, was mentioned in + a letter written in Florence by Queen Catherine. + </p> + <p> + No writer having brought it to light, it will remain, like a sweet flower, + in a corner of these Tales, although it is no way droll, and there is no + other moral to be drawn from it except that to hear these pretty speeches + of infancy one must beget the children. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0046" id="link2H_4_0046"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + THE FAIR IMPERIA MARRIED + </h2> + <p> + I HOW MADAME IMPERIA WAS CAUGHT BY THE VERY NET SHE WAS ACCUSTOMED TO + SPREAD FOR HER LOVE-BIRDS + </p> + <p> + The lovely lady Imperia, who gloriously opens these tales, because she was + the glory of her time, was compelled to come into the town of Rome, after + the holding of the council, for the cardinal of Ragusa loved her more than + his cardinal’s hat, and wished to have her near him. This rascal was so + magnificent, that he presented her with the beautiful palace that he had + in the Papal capital. About this time she had the misfortune to find + herself in an interesting condition by this cardinal. As everyone knows, + this pregnancy finished with a fine little daughter, concerning whom the + Pope said jokingly that she should be named Theodora, as if to say The + Gift Of God. The girl was thus named, and was exquisitely lovely. The + cardinal left his inheritance to this Theodora, whom the fair Imperia + established in her hotel, for she was flying from Rome as from a + pernicious place, where children were begotten, and where she had nearly + spoiled her beautiful figure, her celebrated perfections, lines of the + body, curves of the back, delicious breasts, and Serpentine charms which + placed her as much above the other women of Christendom as the Holy Father + was above all other Christians. But all her lovers knew that with the + assistance of eleven doctors of Padua, seven master surgeons of Pavia, and + five surgeons come from all parts, who assisted at her confinement, she + was preserved from all injury. Some go so far as to say that she gained + therein superfineness and whiteness of skin. A famous man, of the school + of Salerno, wrote a book on the subject, to show the value of a + confinement for the freshness, health, preservation, and beauty of women. + In this very learned book it was clearly proved to readers that that which + was beautiful to see in Imperia, was that which it was permissible for + lovers alone to behold; a rare case then, for she did not disarrange her + attire for the petty German princes whom she called her margraves, + burgraves, electors, and dukes, just as a captain ranks his soldiers. + </p> + <p> + Everyone knows that when she was eighteen years of age, the lovely + Theodora, to atone for her mother’s gay life, wished to retire into the + bosom of the Church. With this idea she placed herself in the hands of a + cardinal, in order that he might instruct her in the duties of the devout. + This wicked shepherd found the lamb so magnificently beautiful that he + attempted to debauch her. Theodora instantly stabbed herself with a + stiletto, in order not to be contaminated by the evil-minded priest. This + adventure, which was consigned to the history of the period, made a great + commotion in Rome, and was deplored by everyone, so much was the daughter + of Imperia beloved. + </p> + <p> + Then this noble courtesan, much afflicted, returned to Rome, there to weep + for her poor daughter. She set out in the thirty-ninth year of her age, + which was, according to some authors, the summer of her magnificent + beauty, because then she had obtained the acme of perfection, like ripe + fruit. Sorrow made her haughty and hard with those who spoke to her of + love, in order to dry her tears. The pope himself visited her in her + palace, and gave her certain words of admonition. But she refused to be + comforted, saying that she would henceforth devote herself to God, because + she had never yet been satisfied by any man, although she had ardently + desired it; and all of them, even a little priest, whom she had adored + like a saint’s shrine, had deceived her. God, she was sure, would not do + so. + </p> + <p> + This resolution disconcerted many, for she was the joy of a vast number of + lords. So that people ran about the streets of Rome crying out, “Where is + Madame Imperia? Is she going to deprive the world of love?” Some of the + ambassadors wrote to their masters on the subject. The Emperor of the + Romans was much cut up about it, because he had loved her to distraction + for eleven weeks; had left her only to go to the wars, and loved her still + as much as his most precious member, which according to his own statement, + was his eye, for that alone embraced the whole of his dear Imperia. In + this extremity the Pope sent for a Spanish physician, and conducted him to + the beautiful creature, to whom he proved, by various arguments, adorned + with Latin and Greek quotations, that beauty is impaired by tears and + tribulation, and that through sorrow’s door wrinkles step in. This + proposition, confirmed by the doctors of the Holy College in controversy, + had the effect of opening the doors of the palace that same evening. The + young cardinals, the foreign envoys, the wealthy inhabitants, and the + principal men of the town of Rome came, crowded the rooms, and held a + joyous festival; the common people made grand illuminations, and thus the + whole population celebrated the return of the Queen of Pleasure to her + occupation, for she was at that time the presiding deity of Love. The + experts in all the arts loved her much, because she spent considerable + sums of money improving the Church in Rome, which contained poor + Theodora’s tomb, which was destroyed during that pillage of Rome in which + perished the traitorous constable of Bourbon, for this holy maiden was + placed therein in a massive coffin of gold and silver, which the cursed + soldiers were anxious to obtain. The basilic cost, it is said, more than + the pyramid erected by the Lady Rhodepa, an Egyptian courtesan, eighteen + hundred years before the coming of our divine Saviour, which proves the + antiquity of this pleasant occupation, the extravagant prices which the + wise Egyptians paid for their pleasures, and how things deteriorate, + seeing that now for a trifle you can have a chemise full of female + loveliness in the Rue du Petit-Heulen, at Paris. Is it not abomination? + </p> + <p> + Never had Madame Imperia appeared so lovely as at this first gala after + her mourning. All the princes, cardinals, and others declared that she was + worthy the homage of the whole world, which was there represented by a + noble from every known land, and thus was it amply demonstrated that + beauty was in every place queen of everything. + </p> + <p> + The envoy of the King of France, who was a cadet of the house of l’Ile + Adam, arrived late, although he had never yet seen Imperia, and was most + anxious to do so. He was a handsome young knight, much in favour with his + sovereign, in whose court he had a mistress, whom he loved with infinite + tenderness, and who was the daughter of Monsieur de Montmorency, a lord + whose domains bordered upon those of the house of l’Ile Adam. To this + penniless cadet the king had given certain missions to the duchy of Milan, + of which he had acquitted himself so well that he was sent to Rome to + advance the negotiations concerning which historians have written so much + in their books. Now if he had nothing of his own, poor little l’Ile Adam + relied upon so good a beginning. He was slightly built, but upright as a + column, dark, with black, glistening eyes; and a man not easily taken in; + but concealing his finesse, he had the air of an innocent child, which + made him gentle and amiable as a laughing maiden. Directly this gentleman + joined her circle, and her eyes had rested upon him, Madame Imperia felt + herself bitten by a strong desire, which stretched the harp strings of her + nature, and produced therefrom a sound she had not heard for many a day. + She was seized with such a vertigo of true love at the sight of this + freshness of youth, that but for her imperial dignity she would have + kissed the good cheeks which shone like little apples. + </p> + <p> + Now take note of this; that so called modest women, and ladies whose + skirts bear their armorial bearings, are thoroughly ignorant of the nature + of man, because they keep to one alone, like the Queen of France who + believed all men had ulcers in the nose because the king had; but a great + courtesan, like Madame Imperia, knew man to his core, because she had + handled a great many. In her retreat, everyone came out in his true + colours, and concealed nothing, thinking to himself that he would not be + long with her. Having often deplored this subjection, sometimes she would + remark that she suffered from pleasure more than she suffered from pain. + There was the dark shadow of her life. You may be sure that a lover was + often compelled to part with a nice little heap of crowns in order to pass + the night with her, and was reduced to desperation by a refusal. Now for + her it was a joyful thing to feel a youthful desire, like that she had for + the little priest, whose story commences this collection; but because she + was older than in those merry days, love was more fully established in + her, and she soon perceived that it was of a fiery nature when it began to + make itself felt; indeed, she suffered in her skin like a cat that is + being scorched, and so much so that she had an intense longing to spring + upon this gentleman, and bear him in triumph to her nest, as a kite does + its prey, but with great difficulty she restrained herself. When he came + and bowed to her, she threw back her head, and assumed a most dignified + attitude, as do those who have a love infatuation in their hearts. The + gravity of her demeanour to the young ambassador caused many to think that + she had work in store for him; equivocating on the word, after the custom + of the time. + </p> + <p> + L’Ile Adam, knowing himself to be dearly loved by his mistress, troubled + himself but little about Madame Imperia, grave or gay, and frisked about + like a goat let loose. The courtesan, terribly annoyed at this, changed + her tone, from being sulky became gay and lively, came to him, softened + her voice, sharpened her glance, gracefully inclined her head, rubbed + against him with her sleeve, and called him Monsiegneur, embraced him with + the loving words, trifled with his hand, and finished by smiling at him + most affably. He, not imagining that so unprofitable a lover would suit + her, for he was as poor as a church mouse, and did not know that his + beauty was the equal in her eyes to all the treasures of the world, was + not taken in her trap, but continued to ride the high horse with his hand + on his hips. This disdain of her passion irritated Madame to the heart, + which by this spark was set in flame. If you doubt this, it is because you + know nothing of the profession of the Madame Imperia, who by reason of it + might be compared to a chimney, in which a great number of fires have been + lighted, which had filled it with soot; in this state a match was + sufficient to burn everything there, where a hundred fagots has smoked + comfortably. She burned within from top to toe in a horrible manner, and + could not be extinguished save with the water of love. The cadet of l’Ile + Adam left the room without noticing this ardour. + </p> + <p> + Madame, disconsolate at his departure, lost her senses from her head to + her feet, and so thoroughly that she sent a messenger to him on the + galleries, begging him to pass the night with her. On no other occasion of + her life had she had this cowardice, either for king, pope, or emperor, + since the high price of her favours came from the bondage in which she + held her admirers, whom the more she humbled the more she raised herself. + The disdainful hero of this history was informed by the head + chamber-women, who was a clever jade, that in all probability a great + treat awaited him, for most certainly Madame would regale him with her + most delicate inventions of love. L’Ile Adam returned to the salons, + delighted at this lucky chance. Directly the envoy of France reappeared, + as everyone had seen Imperia turn pale at his departure, the general joy + knew no bounds, because everyone was delighted to see her return to her + old life of love. An English cardinal, who had drained more than one + big-bellied flagon, and wished to taste Imperia, went to l’Ile Adam and + whispered to him, “Hold her fast, so that she shall never again escape + us.” + </p> + <p> + The story of this remark was told to the pope at his levee, and caused him + to remark, <i>Laetamini, gentes, quoniam surrexit Dominus</i>. A quotation + which the old cardinals abominated as a profanation of sacred texts. + Seeing which, the pope reprimanded them severely, and took occasion to + lecture them, telling them that if they were good Christians they were bad + politicians. Indeed, he relied upon the fair Imperia to reclaim the + emperor, and with this idea he syringed her well with flattery. + </p> + <p> + The lights of the palace being extinguished, the golden flagons on the + floor, and the servants drunk and stretched about on the carpets, Madame + entered her bedchamber, leading by the hand her dear lover-elect; and she + was well pleased, and has since confessed that so strongly was she bitten + with love, she could hardly restrain herself from rolling at his feet like + a beast of the field, begging him to crush her beneath him if he could. + L’Ile Adam slipped off his garments, and tumbled into bed as if he were in + his own house. Seeing which, Madame hastened her preparations, and sprang + into her lover’s arms with a frenzy that astonished her women, who knew + her to be ordinarily one of the most modest of women on these occasions. + The astonishment became general throughout the country, for the pair + remained in bed for nine days, eating, drinking, and embracing in a + marvellous and most masterly manner. Madame told her women that at last + she had placed her hand on a phoenix of love, since he revived from every + attack. Nothing was talked of in Rome and Italy but the victory that had + been gained over Imperia, who had boasted that she would yield to no man, + and spat upon all of them, even the dukes. As to the aforesaid margraves + and burgraves, she gave them the tail of her dress to hold, and said that + if she did not tread them under foot, they would trample upon her. Madame + confessed to her servants that, differently to all other men she had had + to put up with, the more she fondled this child of love, the more she + desired to do so, and that she would never be able to part with him; nor + his splendid eyes, which blinded her; nor his branch of coral, that she + always hungered after. She further declared that if such were his desire, + she would let him suck her blood, eat her breasts—which were the + most lovely in the world—and cut her tresses, of which she had only + given a single one to the Emperor of the Romans, who kept it in his + breast, like a precious relic; finally, she confessed that on that night + only had life begun for her, because the embrace of Villiers de l’Ile Adam + sent the blood to her in three bounds and in a brace of shakes. + </p> + <p> + These expressions becoming known, made everyone very miserable. Directly + she went out, Imperia told the ladies of Rome that she should die it if + she were deserted by this gentleman, and would cause herself, like Queen + Cleopatra, to be bitten by an asp. She declared openly that she had bidden + an eternal adieu her to her former gay life, and would show the whole + world what virtue was by abandoning her empire for this Villiers de l’Ile + Adam, whose servant she would rather be than reign of Christendom. The + English cardinal remonstrated with the pope that this love for one, in the + heart of a woman who was the joy of all, was an infamous depravity, and + that he ought with a brief <i>in partibus</i>, to annul this marriage, + which robbed the fashionable world of its principal attraction. But the + love of this poor woman, who had confessed the miseries of her life, was + so sweet a thing, and so moved the most dissipated heart, that she + silenced all clamour, and everyone forgave her her happiness. One day, + during Lent, Imperia made her people fast, and ordered them to go and + confess, and return to God. She herself went and fell at the pope’s feet, + and there showed such penitence, that she obtained from him remission of + all her sins, believing that the absolution of the pope would communicate + to her soul that virginity which she was grieved at being unable to offer + her lover. It is impossible to help thinking that there was some virtue in + the ecclesiastical piscina, for the poor cadet was so smothered with love + that he fancied himself in Paradise, and left the negotiations of the King + of France, left his love for Mademoiselle de Montmorency—in fact, + left everything to marry Madame Imperia, in order that he might live and + die with her. Such was the effect of the learned ways of this great lady + of pleasure directly she turned her science to the root of a virtuous + love. Imperia bade adieu to her admirers at a royal feast, given in honour + of her wedding, which was a wonderful ceremony, at which all the Italian + princes were present. She had, it is said, a million gold crowns; in spite + of the vastness of this sum, every one far from blaming L’Ile Adam, paid + him many compliments, because it was evident that neither Madame Imperia + nor her young husband thought of anything but one. The pope blessed their + marriage, and said that it was a fine thing to see the foolish virgin + returning to God by the road of marriage. + </p> + <p> + But during that last night in which it would be permissible for all to + behold the Queen of Beauty, who was about to become a simple chatelaine of + the kingdom of France, there were a great number of men who mourned for + the merry nights, the suppers, the masked balls, the joyous games, and the + melting hours, when each one emptied his heart to her. Everyone regretted + the ease and freedom which had always been found in the residence of this + lovely creature, who now appeared more tempting than she had ever done in + her life, for the fervid heat of her great love made her glisten like a + summer sun. Much did they lament the fact that she had had the sad fantasy + to become a respectable woman. To these Madame de l’Ile Adam answered + jestingly, that after twenty-four years passed in the service of the + public, she had a right to retire. Others said to her, that however + distant the sun was, people could warm themselves in it, while she would + show herself no more. To these she replied that she would still have + smiles to bestow upon those lords who would come and see how she played + the role of a virtuous woman. To this the English envoy answered, he + believed her capable of pushing virtue to its extreme point. She gave a + present to each of her friends, and large sums to the poor and suffering + of Rome; besides this, she left to the convent where her daughter was to + have been, and to the church she had built, the wealth she had inherited + from Theodora, which came from the cardinal of Ragusa. + </p> + <p> + When the two spouses set out they were accompanied a long way by knights + in mourning, and even by the common people, who wished them every + happiness, because Madame Imperia had been hard on the rich only, and had + always been kind and gentle with the poor. This lovely queen of love was + hailed with acclamations throughout the journey in all the towns of Italy + where the report of her conversion had spread, and where everyone was + curious to see pass, a case so rare as two such spouses. Several princes + received this handsome couple at their courts, saying it was but right to + show honour to this woman who had the courage to renounce her empire over + the world of fashion, to become a virtuous woman. But there was an + evil-minded fellow, one my lord Duke of Ferrara, who said to l’Ile Adam + that his great fortune had not cost him much. At this first offence Madame + Imperia showed what a good heart she had, for she gave up all the money + she had received from her lovers, to ornament the dome of St. Maria del + Fiore, in the town of Florence, which turned the laugh against the Sire + d’Este, who boasted that he had built a church in spite of the empty + condition of his purse. You may be sure he was reprimanded for this joke + by his brother the cardinal. + </p> + <p> + The fair Imperia only kept her own wealth and that which the Emperor had + bestowed upon her out of pure friendship since his departure, the amount + of which was however, considerable. The cadet of l’Ile Adam had a duel + with the duke, in which he wounded him. Thus neither Madame de l’Ile Adam, + nor her husband could be in any way reproached. This piece of chivalry + caused her to be gloriously received in all places she passed through, + especially in Piedmont, where the fetes were splendid. Verses which the + poet then composed, such as sonnets, epithalamias, and odes, have been + given in certain collections; but all poetry was weak in comparison with + her, who was, according to an expression of Monsieur Boccaccio, poetry + herself. + </p> + <p> + The prize in this tourney of fetes and gallantry must be awarded to the + good Emperor of the Romans, who, knowing of the misbehaviour of the Duke + of Ferrara, dispatched an envoy to his old flame, charged with Latin + manuscripts, in which he told her that he loved her so much for herself, + that he was delighted to know that she was happy, but grieved to know that + all her happiness was not derived from him; that he had lost his right to + make her presents, but that, if the king of France received her coldly, he + would think it an honour to acquire a Villiers to the holy empire, and + would give him such principalities as he might choose from his domains. + The fair Imperia replied that she was extremely obliged to the Emperor, + but that had she to suffer contumely upon contumely in France, she still + intended there to finish her days. + </p> + <p> + II HOW THIS MARRIAGE ENDED + </p> + <p> + Not knowing if it she would be received or not, the lady of l’Ile Adam + would not go to court, but lived in the country, where her husband made a + fine establishment, purchasing the manor of Beaumont-le-Vicomte, which + gave rise to the equivoque upon his name, made by our well-beloved + Rabelais, in his most magnificent book. He acquired also the domain of + Nointel, the forest of Carenelle, St. Martin, and other places in the + neighbourhood of the l’Ile Adam, where his brother Villiers resided. These + said acquisitions made him the most powerful lord in the l’Ile de France + and county of Paris. He built a wonderful castle near Beaumont, which was + afterwards ruined by the English, and adorned it with the furniture, + foreign tapestries, chests, pictures, statues, and curiosities, of his + wife, who was a great connoisseur, which made this place equal to the most + magnificent castles known. + </p> + <p> + The happy pair led a life so envied by all, that nothing was talked about + in Paris and at Court but this marriage, the good fortune of the Sire de + Beaumont, and, above all, of the perfect, loyal, gracious, and religious + life of his wife, who from habit many still called Madame Imperia; who was + no longer proud and sharp as steel, but had the virtues and qualities of a + respectable woman, and was an example in many things to a queen. She was + much beloved by the Church on account of her great religion, for she had + never once forgotten God, having, as she once said, spent much of her time + with churchmen, abbots, bishops, and cardinals, who had sprinkled her well + with holy water, and under the curtains worked her eternal salvation. + </p> + <p> + The praises sung in honour of this lady had such an effect, that the king + came to Beauvoisis to gaze upon this wonder, and did the sire the honour + to sleep at Beaumont, remained there three days, and had a royal hunt + there with the queen and the whole Court. You may be sure that he was + surprised, as were also the queen, the ladies, and the Court, at the + manners of this superb creature, who was proclaimed a lady of courtesy and + beauty. The king first, then the queen, and afterwards every individual + member of the company, complemented l’Ile Adam on having chosen such a + wife. The modesty of the chatelaine did more than pride would have + accomplished; for she was invited to court, and everywhere, so imperious + was her great heart, so tyrannic her violent love for her husband. You may + be sure that her charms, hidden under the garments of virtue, were none + the less exquisite. The king gave the vacant post of lieutenant of the Ile + de France and provost of Paris to his ancient ambassador, giving him the + title of Viscount of Beaumont, which established him as governor of the + whole province, and put him on an excellent footing at court. But this was + the cause of a great wound in Madame’s heart, because a wretch, jealous of + this unclouded happiness, asked her, playfully, if Beaumont had ever + spoken to her of his first love, Mademoiselle de Montmorency, who at that + time was twenty-two years of age, as she was sixteen at the time the + marriage took place in Rome—the which young lady loved l’Ile Adam so + much that she remained a maiden, would listen to no proposals of marriage, + and was dying of a broken heart, unable to banish her perfidious lover + from her remembrance and was desirous of entering the convent of Chelles. + Madame Imperia, during the six years of her marriage, had never heard this + name, and was sure from this fact that she was indeed beloved. You can + imagine that this time had been passed as a single day, that both believed + that they had only been married the evening before, and that each night + was as a wedding night, and that if business took the knight out of doors, + he was quite melancholy, being unwilling ever to have her out of his + sight, and she was the same with him. + </p> + <p> + The king, who was very partial to the viscount, also made a remark to him + which stung him to the quick, when he said, “You have no children?” + </p> + <p> + To which Beaumont replied, with the face of a man whose raw place you have + touched with your finger, “Monsiegneur, my brother has; thus our line is + safe.” + </p> + <p> + Now it happened that his brother’s two children died suddenly—one + from a fall from his horse at a tournament and the other from illness. + Monsieur l’Ile Adam the elder was so stricken with grief at these two + deaths that he expired soon after, so much did he love his two sons. By + this means the manor of Beaumont, the property at Carenelle, St. Martin, + Nointel, and the surrounding domains, were reunited to the manor of l’Ile + Adam, and the neighbouring forests, and the cadet became the head of the + house. At this time Madame was forty-five, and was still fit to bear + children; but alas! she conceived not. As soon as she saw the lineage of + l’Ile Adam destroyed, she was anxious to obtain offspring. + </p> + <p> + Now, as during the seven years which had elapsed she had never once had + the slightest hint of pregnancy, she believed, according to the statement + of a clever physician whom she sent for from Paris, that this barrenness + proceeded from the fact, that both she and her husband, always more lovers + than spouses, allowed pleasure to interfere with business, and by this + means engendering was prevented. Then she endeavoured to restrain her + impetuosity, and to take things coolly, because the physician had + explained to her that in a state of nature animals never failed to breed, + because the females employed none of those artifices, tricks, and + hanky-pankies with which women accommodate the olives of Poissy, and for + this reason they thoroughly deserved the title of beasts. She promised him + no longer to play with such a serious affair, and to forget all the + ingenious devices in which she had been so fertile. But, alas! although + she kept as quiet as that German woman who lay so still that her husband + embraced her to death, and then went, poor baron, to obtain absolution + from the pope, who delivered his celebrated brief, in which he requested + the ladies of Franconia to be a little more lively, and prevent a + repetition of such a crime. Madame de l’Ile Adam did not conceive, and + fell into a state of great melancholy. + </p> + <p> + Then she began to notice how thoughtful had become her husband, l’Ile + Adam, whom she watched when he thought she was not looking, and who wept + that he had no fruit of his great love. Soon this pair mingled their + tears, for everything was common to the two in this fine household, and as + they never left the other, the thought of the one was necessarily the + thought of the other. When Madame beheld a poor person’s child she nearly + died of grief, and it took her a whole day to recover. Seeing this great + sorrow, l’Ile Adam ordered all children to be kept out of his wife’s + sight, and said soothing things to her, such as that children often turned + out badly; to which she replied, that a child made by those who loved so + passionately would be the finest child in the world. He told her that her + sons might perish, like those of his poor brother; to which she replied, + that she would not let them stir further from her petticoats than a hen + allows her chickens. In fact, she had an answer for everything. + </p> + <p> + Madame caused a woman to be sent for who dealt in magic, and who was + supposed to be learned in these mysteries, who told her that she had often + seen women unable to conceive in spite of every effort, but yet they had + succeeded by studying the manners and customs of animals. Madame took the + beasts of the fields for her preceptors, but she did not increase in size; + her flesh still remained firm and white as marble. She returned to the + physical science of the master doctors of Paris, and sent for a celebrated + Arabian physician, who had just arrived in France with a new science. Then + this savant, brought up in the school of one Sieur Averroes, entered into + certain medical details, and declared that the loose life she had formerly + led had for ever ruined her chance of obtaining offspring. The physical + reasons which he assigned were so contrary to the teaching of the holy + books which establish the majesty of man, made in the image of his + creator, and so contrary to the system upheld by sound sense and good + doctrine, that the doctors of Paris laughed them to scorn. The Arabian + physician left the school where his master, the Sieur Averroes, was + unknown. + </p> + <p> + The doctors told Madame, who had come to Paris, that she was to keep on as + usual, since she had had during her gay life the lovely Theodora, by the + cardinal of Ragusa, and that the right of having children remained with + women as long as their blood circulated, and all that she had to do was to + multiply the chances of conception. This advice appeared to her so good + that she multiplied her victories, but it was only multiplying her + defeats, since she obtained the flowers of love without its fruits. + </p> + <p> + The poor afflicted woman wrote then to the pope, who loved her much, and + told him of her sorrows. The good pope replied to her with a gracious + homily, written with his own hand, in which he told her that when human + science and things terrestrial had failed, we should turn to Heaven and + implore the grace of God. Then she determined to go with naked feet, + accompanied by her husband, to Notre Dame de Liesse, celebrated for her + intervention in similar cases, and made a vow to build a magnificent + cathedral in gratitude for the child. But she bruised and injured her + pretty feet, and conceived nothing but a violent grief, which was so great + that some of her lovely tresses fell off and some turned white. + </p> + <p> + At last the faculty of making children was taken from her, which brought + on the vapours consequent upon hypochondria, and caused her skin to turn + yellow. She was then forty-nine years of age, and lived in her castle of + l’Ile Adam, where she grew as thin as a leper in a lazar-house. The poor + creature was all the more wretched because l’Ile Adam was still amorous, + and as good as gold to her, who failed in her duty, because she had + formerly been too free with the men, and was now, according to her own + disdainful remark, only a cauldron to cook chitterlings. + </p> + <p> + “Ha!” said she, one evening when these thoughts were tormenting her. “In + spite of the Church, in spite of the king, in spite of everything, Madame + de l’Ile Adam is still the wicked Imperia!” + </p> + <p> + She fell into a violent passion when she saw this handsome gentleman have + everything a man can desire, great wealth, royal favour, unequalled love, + matchless wife, pleasure such as none other could produce, and yet fail in + that which is dearest to the head of the house—namely, lineage. With + this idea in her head, she wished to die, thinking how good and noble he + had been to her, and how much she failed in her duty in not giving him + children, and in being henceforward unable to do so. She hid her sorrow in + the secret recesses of her heart, and conceived a devotion worthy her + great love. To put into practice this heroic design she became still more + amorous, took extreme care of her charms, and made use of learned precepts + to maintain her bodily perfection, which threw out an incredible lustre. + </p> + <p> + About this time the Sieur de Montmorency conquered the repulsion his + daughter entertained for marriage, and her alliance with one Sieur de + Chatillon was much talked about. Madame Imperia, who lived only three + leagues distant from Montmorency, one day sent her husband out hunting in + the forests, and set out towards the castle where the young lady lived. + Arrived in the grounds she walked about there, telling a servant to inform + her mistress that a lady had a most important communication to make to + her, and that she had come to request an audience. Much interested by the + account which she received by the beauty, courtesy, and manners of the + unknown lady, Mademoiselle de Montmorency went in great haste into the + gardens, and there met her rival, whom she did not know. + </p> + <p> + “My dear,” said the poor woman, weeping to find the young maiden as + beautiful as herself, “I know that they are trying to force you into a + marriage with Monsieur de Chatillon, although you still love Monsieur de + l’Ile Adam. Have confidence in the prophecy that I here make you, that he + whom you have loved, and who only was false to you through a snare into + which an angel might have fallen, will be free from the burden of his old + wife before the leaves fall. Thus the constancy of your love will have its + crown of flowers. Now have the courage to refuse this marriage they are + arranging for you, and you may yet clasp your first and only love. Pledge + me your word to love and cherish l’Ile Adam, who is the kindest of men; + never to cause him a moment’s anguish, and tell him to reveal to you all + the secrets of love invented by Madame Imperia, because, in practicing + them, being young, you will be easily able to obliterate the remembrance + of her from his mind.” + </p> + <p> + Mademoiselle de Montmorency was so astonished that she could make no + answer, and let this queen of beauty depart, and believed her to be a + fairy, until a workman told her that the fairy was Madame de l’Ile Adam. + Although the adventure was inexplicable, she told her father that she + would not give her consent to the proposed marriage until after the + autumn, so much is it in the nature of Love to ally itself with Hope, in + spite of the bitter pills which this deceitful and gracious, companion + gives her to swallow like bull’s eyes. During the months when the grapes + are gathered, Imperia would not let l’Ile Adam leave her, and was so + amorous that one would have imagined she wished to kill him, since l’Ile + Adam felt as though he had a fresh bride in his arms every night. The next + morning the good woman requested him to keep the remembrance of these joys + in his heart. + </p> + <p> + Then, to know what her lover’s real thoughts on the subject were she said + to him, “Poor l’Ile Adam, we were very silly to marry—a lad like + you, with your twenty-three years, and an old woman close to 40.” + </p> + <p> + He answered her, that his happiness was such that he was the envy of every + one, that at her age her equal did not exist among the younger women, and + that if ever she grew old he would love her wrinkles, believing that even + in the tomb she would be lovely, and her skeleton lovable. + </p> + <p> + To these answers, which brought the tears into her eyes, she one morning + answered maliciously, that Mademoiselle de Montmorency was very lovely and + very faithful. This speech forced l’Ile Adam to tell her that she pained + him by telling him of the only wrong he had ever committed in his life—the + breaking of the troth pledged to his first sweetheart, all love for whom + he had since effaced from his heart. This candid speech made her seize him + and clasp him to her heart, affected at the loyalty of his discourse on a + subject from which many would have shrunk. + </p> + <p> + “My dear love,” said she, “for a long time past I have been suffering from + a retraction of the heart, which has always since my youth been dangerous + to my life, and in this opinion the Arabian physician coincides. If I die, + I wish you to make the most binding oath a knight can make, to wed + Mademoiselle Montmorency. I am so certain of dying, that I leave my + property to you only on condition that this marriage takes place.” + </p> + <p> + Hearing this, l’Ile Adam turned pale, and felt faint at the mere thought + of an eternal separation from his good wife. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, dear treasure of love,” continued she. “I am punished by God there + where my sins were committed, for the great joys that I feel dilate my + heart, and have, according to the Arabian doctor, weakened the vessels + which in a moment of excitement will burst; but I have always implored God + to take my life at the age in which I now am, because I would not see my + charms marred by the ravages of time.” + </p> + <p> + This great and noble woman saw then how well she was beloved. This is how + she obtained the greatest sacrifice of love that ever was made upon this + earth. She alone knew what a charm existed in the embraces, fondlings, and + raptures of the conjugal bed, which were such that poor l’Ile Adam would + rather have died than allow himself to be deprived of the amorous + delicacies she knew so well how to prepare. At this confession made by her + that, in the excitement of love her heart would burst, the chevalier cast + himself at her knees, and declared that to preserve her life he would + never ask her for love, but would live contented to see her only at his + side, happy at being able to touch but the hem of her garment. + </p> + <p> + She replied, bursting into tears, “that she would rather die than lose one + iota of his love; that she would die as she had lived, since luckily she + could make a man embrace her when such was her desire without having to + put her request into words.” + </p> + <p> + Here it must be stated that the cardinal of Ragusa had given her as a + present an article, which this holy joker called <i>in articulo mortis</i>. + It was a tiny glass bottle, no bigger than a bean, made at Venice, and + containing a poison so subtle that by breaking it between the teeth death + came instantly and painlessly. He had received it from Signora Tophana, + the celebrated maker of poisons of the town of Rome. + </p> + <p> + Now this tiny bottle was under the bezel of a ring, preserved from all + objects that could break it by certain plates of gold. Poor Imperia put it + into her mouth several times without being able to make up her mind to + bite it, so much pleasure did she take in the moment that she believed to + be her last. Then she would pass before her in mental review all her + methods of enjoyment before breaking the glass, and determined that when + she felt the most perfect of all joys she would bite the bottle. + </p> + <p> + The poor creature departed this life on the night on the first day of + October. Then was there heard a great clamour in the forests and in the + clouds, as if the loves had cried aloud, “The great Noc is dead!” in + imitation of the pagan gods who, at the coming of the Saviour of men, fled + into the skies, saying, “the great Pan is slain!” A cry which was heard by + some persons navigating the Eubean Sea, and preserved by a Father of the + Church. + </p> + <p> + Madame Imperia died without being spoiled in shape, so much had God made + her the irreproachable model of a woman. She had, it was said, a + magnificent tint upon her flesh, caused by the proximity of the flaming + wings of Pleasure, who cried and groaned over her corpse. Her husband + mourned for her most bitterly, never suspecting that she had died to + deliver him from a childless wife, for the doctor who embalmed her said + not a word concerning the cause of her death. This great sacrifice was + discovered six years after marriage of l’Ile Adam with Mademoiselle de + Montmorency, because she told him all about the visit of Madame Imperia. + The poor gentleman immediately fell into a state of great melancholy and + finished by dying, being unable to banish the remembrance of those joys of + love which it was beyond the power of a novice to restore to him; thereby + did he prove the truth of that which was said at that time, that this + woman would never die in a heart where she had once reigned. + </p> + <p> + This teaches us that virtue is well understood by those who have practised + vice; for among the most modest women few would thus have sacrificed life, + in whatever high state of religion you look for them. + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + EPILOGUE + </h2> + <p> + Oh! mad little one, thou whose business it is to make the house merry, + again hast thou been wallowing, in spite of a thousand prohibitions, in + that slough of melancholy, whence thou hast already fished out Bertha, and + come back with thy tresses dishevelled, like a girl who has been + ill-treated by a regiment of soldiers! Where are thy golden aiglets and + bells, thy filigree flowers of fantastic design? Where hast thou left thy + crimson head-dress, ornamented with precious gewgaws that cost a minot of + pearls? + </p> + <p> + Why spoil with pernicious tears thy black eyes, so pleasant when therein + sparkles the wit of a tale, that popes pardon thee thy sayings for the + sake of thy merry laughter, feel their souls caught between the ivory of + thy teeth, have their hearts drawn by the rose point of thy sweet tongue, + and would barter the holy slipper for a hundred of the smiles that hover + round thy vermillion lips? Laughing lassie, if thou wouldst remain always + fresh and young, weep no more; think of riding the brideless fleas, of + bridling with the golden clouds thy chameleon chimeras, of metamorphosing + the realities of life into figures clothed with the rainbow, caparisoned + with roseate dreams, and mantled with wings blue as the eyes of the + partridge. By the Body and the Blood, by the Censer and the Seal, by the + Book and the Sword, by the Rag and the Gold, by the Sound and the Colour, + if thou does but return once into that hovel of elegies where eunuchs find + ugly women for imbecile sultans, I’ll curse thee; I’ll rave at thee; I’ll + make thee fast from roguery and love; I’ll— + </p> + <p> + Phist! Here she is astride a sunbeam with a volume that is ready to burst + with merry meteors! She plays in their prisms, tearing about so madly, so + wildly, so boldly, so contrary to good sense, so contrary to good manners, + so contrary to everything, that one has to touch her with long feathers, + to follow her siren’s tail in the golden facets which trifle among the + artifices of these new pearls of laughter. Ye gods! but she is sporting + herself in them like a hundred schoolboys in a hedge full of blackberries, + after vespers. To the devil with the magister! The volume is finished! Out + upon work! What ho! my jovial friends; this way! friends; this way! + </p> + +<div class="fig" style="width:35%;"> + <img src="images/545s.jpg" alt="545s " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <h4> + <a href="images/545.jpg"><i>Full Page Image</i></a> -- <a + href="images/545m.jpg"><i>Medium-Size</i></a> + </h4> + <div style="height: 6em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 13260 ***</div> +</body> +</html> diff --git a/13260-h/images/013.jpg b/13260-h/images/013.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..912076c --- /dev/null +++ b/13260-h/images/013.jpg diff --git a/13260-h/images/013m.jpg b/13260-h/images/013m.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..8e411d0 --- /dev/null +++ b/13260-h/images/013m.jpg diff --git a/13260-h/images/013s.jpg b/13260-h/images/013s.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a0ffa36 --- /dev/null +++ b/13260-h/images/013s.jpg diff --git a/13260-h/images/019.jpg 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