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diff --git a/old/13067-h/13067-h.htm b/old/13067-h/13067-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..300f6d6 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/13067-h/13067-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,2537 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd"> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"> +<head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" + content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1" /> + + <title>Punch, January 31, 1891.</title> + <style type="text/css"> + /*<![CDATA[*/ + + <!-- + body {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + p {text-align: justify;} + blockquote {text-align: justify;} + h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 {text-align: center;} + pre {font-size: 0.7em;} + + hr {text-align: center; width: 50%;} + html>body hr {margin-right: 25%; margin-left: 25%; width: 50%;} + hr.full {width: 100%;} + html>body hr.full {margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 0%; width: 100%;} + hr.short {text-align: center; width: 20%;} + html>body hr.short {margin-right: 40%; margin-left: 40%; width: 20%;} + + .note + {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-size: 0.9em;} + + span.pagenum + {position: absolute; left: 1%; right: 91%; font-size: 8pt;} + + .poem + {margin-left:10%; margin-right:10%; margin-bottom: 1em; text-align: left;} + .poem .stanza {margin: 1em 0em 1em 0em;} + .poem p {margin: 0; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + .poem p.i2 {margin-left: 1em;} + .poem p.i4 {margin-left: 2em;} + .poem p.i6 {margin-left: 3em;} + .poem p.i8 {margin-left: 4em;} + .poem p.i10 {margin-left: 5em;} + + .figure, .figcenter, .figright, .figleft + {padding: 1em; margin: 0; text-align: center; font-size: 0.8em;} + .figure img, .figcenter img, .figright img, .figleft img + {border: none;} + .figure p, .figcenter p, .figright p, .figleft p + {margin: 0; text-indent: 1em;} + .figcenter {margin: auto;} + .figright {float: right;} + .figleft {float: left;} + + .inline {border: none; vertical-align: middle;} + + .footnote {font-size: 0.9em; margin-right: 10%; margin-left: 10%;} + + .side { float:right; + font-size: 75%; + width: 25%; + padding-left:10px; + border-left: dashed thin; + margin-left: 10px; + text-align: left; + text-indent: 0; + font-weight: bold; + font-style: italic;} + --> + /*]]>*/ + </style> +</head> + +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. 100., +Jan. 31, 1891, by Various + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. 100., Jan. 31, 1891 + +Author: Various + +Release Date: July 31, 2004 [EBook #13067] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, JAN. 31, 1891 *** + + + + +Produced by Malcolm Farmer, William Flis, and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team. + + + + + + +</pre> + + <h1>PUNCH,<br /> + OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.</h1> + + <h2>Vol. 100.</h2> + <hr class="full" /> + + <h2>January 31, 1891.</h2> + <hr class="full" /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page49" + id="page49"></a>[pg 49]</span> + + <h2>VOCES POPULI.</h2> + + <h3>A ROW IN THE PIT; OR, THE OBSTRUCTIVE HAT.</h3> + + <blockquote> + <p>SCENE—<i>The Pit during Pantomime Time.</i></p> + + <p><i>The Overture is beginning.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <div class="figright" + style="width:25%;"> + <a href="images/49-1.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/49-1.png" + alt="" /></a> + </div> + + <p><i>An Over-heated Matron</i> (<i>to her Husband</i>). Well, + they don't give you much <i>room</i> in 'ere, I <i>must</i> + say. Still, we done better than I expected, after all that + crushing. I thought my ribs was gone once—but it was on'y + the umbrella's. You pretty comfortable where you are, eh. + Father?</p> + + <p><i>Father</i>. Oh, I'm right enough, I am.</p> + + <p><i>Jimmy</i> (<i>their Son; a small boy, with a piping + voice</i>). If <i>Father</i> is, it's more nor what <i>I</i> + am. I can't see, Mother, I can't!</p> + + <p><i>His Mother</i>. Lor' bless the boy! there ain't nothen to + <i>see</i> yet; you'll see well enough when the Curting goes + up. (<i>Curtain rises on opening scene</i>). Look, JIMMY, ain't + <i>that</i> nice, now? All them himps dancin' round, and real + fire comin' out of the pot—which I 'ope it's quite + safe—and there's a beautiful fairy just come on, dressed + so grand, too!</p> + + <p><i>Jimmy</i>. I can't see no fairy—nor yet no + himps—no nothen! [<i>He whimpers</i>.</p> + + <p><i>His Mother</i> (<i>annoyed</i>). Was there ever such a + aggravating boy to take anywheres! Set quiet, do, and don't + fidget, and look at the hactin'!</p> + + <p><i>Jimmy</i>. I tell yer I can't <i>see</i> no hactin', + Mother. It ain't my fault—it's this lady in front o' me, + with the 'at.</p> + + <p><i>Mother</i> (<i>perceiving the justice of his + complaints</i>). Father, the pore boy says he can't see where + he is, 'cause of a lady's hat in front.</p> + + <p><i>Father.</i> Well, <i>I</i> can't 'elp the 'at, can I? He + must put up with it, that's all!</p> + + <p><i>Mother.</i> No—but I thought, if you wouldn't mind + changing places with him—you're taller than him, and it + wouldn't be in your way 'arf so much.</p> + + <p><i>Father.</i> It's always the way with you—never + satisfied, <i>you</i> ain't! Well, pass the boy + across—I'm for a quiet life, I am. (<i>Changing + seats.</i>) Will <i>this</i> do for you?</p> + + <blockquote> + <p>[<i>He settles down immediately behind a very large, and + furry, and feathery hat, which he dodges for some time, + with the result of obtaining an occasional glimpse of a + pair of legs on the stage.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>Father</i> (<i>suddenly</i>). D—— the + 'at!</p> + + <p><i>Mother.</i> You can't wonder at the <i>boy</i> not + seeing! P'raps the lady wouldn't might taking it off, if you + asked her?</p> + + <p><i>Father.</i> Ah! (<i>He touches</i> The Owner of the Hat + <i>on the shoulder.</i>) Excuse me, Mum, but might I take the + liberty of asking you to kindly remove your 'at? [The Owner of + the Hat <i>deigns no reply.</i></p> + + <p><i>Father</i> (<i>more insistently</i>). <i>Would</i> you + 'ave any objection to oblige me by taking off your 'at, Mum? + (<i>Same result.</i>) I don't know if you <i>'eard</i> me, Mum, + but I've asked you twice, civil enough, to take that 'at of + yours off. I'm a playin' 'Ide and Seek be'ind it 'ere!</p> + + <blockquote> + <p>[<i>No answer.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>The Mother.</i> People didn't ought to be allowed in the + Pit with sech 'ats! Callin' 'erself a lady—and settin' + there in a great 'at and feathers like a 'Ighlander's, and + never answering no more nor a stuffed himage!</p> + + <p><i>Father</i> (<i>to the Husband of The Owner of the + Hat</i>). Will you tell your good lady to take her 'at off, + Sir, please?</p> + + <p><i>The Owner of the Hat</i> (<i>to her Husband</i>). Don't + you do nothing of the sort, SAM, or you'll <i>'ear</i> of + it!</p> + + <p><i>The Mother.</i> Some people are perlite, I must say. + Parties might <i>beyave</i> as ladies when they come in the + Pit! It's a pity her 'usband can't teach her better + manners!</p> + + <p><i>The Father.</i> <i>'Im</i> teach her! 'E knows better. + 'E's got a Tartar there, <i>'e</i> 'as!</p> + + <p><i>The Owner of the Hat.</i> SAM, are you going to set by + and hear me insulted like this?</p> + + <p><i>Her Husband</i> (<i>turning round tremulously</i>). + I—I'll trouble you to drop making these personal + allusions to my wife's 'at, Sir. It's puffickly impossible to + listen to what's going on on the stage, with all these remarks + be'ind!</p> + + <p><i>The Father.</i> Not more nor it is to <i>see</i> what's + going on on the stage with that 'at in front! I paid + 'arf-a-crown to see the Pantermime, I did; not to 'ave a view + of your wife's 'at!... 'Ere, MARIA, blowed if I can stand this + 'ere game any longer. JIMMY must change places again, and if he + can't see, he must stand up on the seat, that's all!</p> + + <blockquote> + <p>[JIMMY <i>is transferred to his original place, and + mounts upon the seat.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>A Pittite behind Jimmy</i> (<i>touching up</i> JIMMY's + Father <i>with an umbrella</i>). Will you tell your little boy + to set down, please, and not block the view like this?</p> + + <p><i>Jimmy's Father</i>. If you can indooce that lady in front + to take off her 'at, I will—but not before. Stay where + you are, JIMMY, my boy.</p> + + <p><i>The Pittite behind.</i> Well, I must stand myself then, + that's all. I mean to see, <i>somehow</i>! [<i>He + rises.</i></p> + + <p><i>People behind him</i> (<i>sternly</i>). Set down there, + will yer?</p> + + <blockquote> + <p>[<i>He resumes his seat expostulating.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>Jimmy</i>. Father, the gentleman behind is a pinching of + my legs!</p> + + <p><i>Jimmy's Father.</i> Will you stop pinching my little + boy's legs! He ain't doing you no 'arm—is he?</p> + + <p><i>The Pinching Pittite</i>. Let him sit down, then!</p> + + <p><i>Jimmy's Father.</i> Let the lady take her 'at off!</p> + + <p><i>Murmurs behind.</i> Order, there! Set down! Put that boy + down! Take orf that 'at! Silence in front, there! Turn 'em out! + Shame!... &c., &c.</p> + + <p><i>The Husband of the O. of the H.</i> (<i>in a whisper to + his Wife</i>). Take off the blessed 'at, and have done with it, + do!</p> + + <p><i>The O. of the H.</i> What—<i>now</i>? I'd sooner + <i>die</i> in the 'at!</p> + + <blockquote> + <p>[<i>An</i> Attendant <i>is called.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>The Attendant.</i> Order, there, Gentlemen, + please—unless you want to get turned out! No standing + allowed on the seats—you're disturbing the performance + 'ere, you know!</p> + + <blockquote> + <p>[JIMMY <i>is made to sit down, and weeps silently; the + hubbub gradually subsides—and</i> The Owner of the + Hat <i>triumphs—for the moment.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>Jimmy's Mother.</i> Never mind, my boy, you shall have + Mother's seat in a minute. I dessay, if all was known, the lady + 'as reasons for keeping her 'at on, pore thing!</p> + + <p><i>The Father.</i> Ah, I never thought o' that. So she may. + Very likely her 'at won't <i>come</i> off—not without her + <i>'air!</i></p> + + <p><i>The Mother.</i> Ah, well, we musn't be 'ard on her, if + that's so.</p> + + <p><i>The O. of the H.</i> (<i>removing the obstruction</i>). I + 'ope you're satisfied <i>now</i>, I'm sure?</p> + + <p><i>The Father</i> (<i>handsomely</i>). Better late nor + never, Mum, and we take it kind of you. Though, why you + shouldn't ha' done it at fust, I dunno; for you look a deal + 'ansomer without the 'at than, what you did in + it—<i>don't</i> she, MARIA?</p> + + <p><i>The O. of the H.</i> (<i>mollified</i>). SAM, ask the + gentleman behind if his boy would like a ginger-nut.</p> + + <blockquote> + <p>[<i>This olive-branch is accepted; compliments pass; + cordiality is restored, and the Pantomime proceeds without + further disturbance.</i></p> + </blockquote> + <hr /> + + <h2>SOMETHING LIKE A SUBSCRIPTION!</h2> + + <h4>(<i>A Page from the Book of Philanthropy.</i>)</h4> + + <p>The Committee waited impatiently the arrival of the Great + and Good Man. It was their duty to obtain a donation—an + ample one—from the Millionnaire whose charity was + renowned far and wide, from one end of the world to the other. + At length he appeared before them.</p> + + <div class="figright" + style="width:22%;"> + <a href="images/49-2.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/49-2.png" + alt="" /></a> + </div> + + <p>"What can I do for you?" he asked, with a smile that + absolutely shone with benevolence.</p> + + <p>"You know, Sir, that the claims of the poor in the Winter + are numerous, and difficult to meet?"</p> + + <p>"Certainly I do," returned the Man of Wealth, "and hope that + you are about to ask me for a subscription."</p> + + <p>"Indeed we were," cried the spokesman of the Committee, his + eyes filling with grateful tears. "May I put you down for five + pounds?"</p> + + <p>"Five pounds!" echoed the Millionnaire, impatiently, "What + is five pounds?—<i>five thousand</i> is much more like + the figure! Now, I will give you five thousand pounds on one + condition."</p> + + <p>"Name it!" cried the Deputation in a breath.</p> + + <p>"The simplest thing in the world," continued the + Millionnaire. "I will give you five thousand pounds on the + condition that you get ninety-nine other fellows to do the + same. Nay, you shall thank me when all is collected. I can wait + till then."</p> + <hr /> + + <p>The above words were spoken more than thirty years ago. + Since then the Deputation have been waiting for the other + fellows—and so has the Millionnaire!</p> + <hr /> + + <h3>Professor v. Professor.</h3> + + <p>PROFESSOR VIRCHOW seems by no means Koch-sure about the + <i>tuberculosis</i> remedy. Indeed Professor KOCH finds that + there is not only "much virtue in an 'if,'" but much "if" in a + VIRCHOW! He is inclined to sing with SWINBURNE:—</p> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>"Come down, and redeem us from VIRCHOW."</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page50" + id="page50"></a>[pg 50]</span> + + <h2>THE FRIEND OF IRELAND AND THE WORDY KNIFE-GRINDER.</h2> + + <h4>(<i>Imitation Sapphics some way after Canning and + Frere.</i>)</h4> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:100%;"> + <a href="images/50.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/50.png" + alt="Wordy Knife-Grinder." /></a><i>Wordy + Knife-Grinder</i>. "STORY! GOD BLESS YOU! I HAVE NONE + TO TELL, SIR!" + </div> + + <p><i>Friend of Ireland</i>:—</p> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>"Wordy Knife-Grinder! Whither are you going?</p> + + <p>Dark is your way—your wheel looks out of + order—</p> + + <p>Mitchelstown palls, and there seems no more spell + in</p> + + <p class="i10">O'BRIEN's breeches!</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>"Wordy Knife-Grinder, little think the proud + ones,</p> + + <p>Who in their speeches prate about their Union-</p> + + <p>Ism, what hard work 'tis to keep a Party</p> + + <p class="i10">Tightly together!</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>"Tell me, Knife-Grinder, what <i>your</i> little + game is.</p> + + <p>Do you mean playing straight with me and others?</p> + + <p>Or would you jocky Erin like a confounded</p> + + <p class="i10">Saxon attorney?</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>"Give us a glimpse of that same Memorandum!</p> + + <p>Pledge yourself clear to what needs no + explaining!</p> + + <p>Prove that your plan is not quite a sham, + sly-whittled</p> + + <p class="i10">Down into + nullity!</p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page51" + id="page51"></a>[pg 51]</span> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>"Ere I depart (if go I must, TIM HEALY)</p> + + <p>Give me a pledge that I'm not sold for nothing.</p> + + <p>Tell us in plain round words, without evasion, + the</p> + + <p class="i10"><i>True</i> Hawarden story."</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p><i>Knife-Grinder</i>.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>"Story! God bless yer! I have none to tell, Sir!</p> + + <p><i>Never</i> tell stories, I; 'tis my sole + business</p> + + <p>This Wheel to turn with treadle and cry, 'Knives + and</p> + + <p class="i10">Scissors to grind O!'</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>"Constabulary? Question of Land Purchase?</p> + + <p>Number of Irish Members due in justice?</p> + + <p>Never said aught about 'em; don't intend + to—</p> + + <p class="i10">Not for the present.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>"I shall be glad to do what honour urgeth;</p> + + <p>Grind on alone, if you will give me + <i>carte-blanche</i>,</p> + + <p>Make room for JUSTIN, and forbear to meddle</p> + + <p class="i10">With politics, Sir!"</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p><i>Friend of Ireland</i>.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>"<i>I</i> give thee <i>carte-blanche?</i> I will see + thee blowed first—</p> + + <p>Fraud! whom no frank appeal can move to + frankness—</p> + + <p>Sophist, evasive, garrulous, word-web-spinning</p> + + <p class="i10">Subtle Old Spider!!!"</p> + </div> + </div> + + <p>[<i>Kicks the Knife-Grinder, overturns his Wheel, and exit + in a fury of patriotic enthusiasm and forcible + language.</i></p> + <hr /> + + <h2>CAPITAL AND LABOUR FORECAST;</h2> + + <h4><i>Or, Six of One and Half-a-Dozen of the Other.</i></h4> + + <p>Though in some quarters a better feeling was reported to + have prevailed, still, according to latest accounts, the + outlook can scarcely be regarded as satisfactory. A meeting of + the Amalgamated Engineering Tram-Drivers' Mutual + Stand-Shoulder-to-Shoulder Strangulation Society was held on + Glasgow Green yesterday afternoon, at which, amid a good deal + of boisterous interruption, several delegates addressed the + assembled audience and recounted their recent experiences up to + date. There were still 1700 of the Company's old hands out of + work, and though, thanks to the profound enthusiasm, "their + just cause" had excited amidst the Trade Societies in the + South, by which, owing to subscriptions from no less important + bodies than the Bootmakers' Benevolent Grandmothers' + Association, and Superannuated Undertakers' Orphan Society, + they had been able to stay out and defy the Company, receiving + all the while, every man of them, a stipend of 3<i>s.</i> + 9<i>d.</i> a-week, still they had almost come to the end of + their resources, and all that they had in hand towards next + week's fund for distribution, was £1 13<i>s.</i> + 7-1/2<i>d.</i>, received in coppers from the Deputy-Chairman of + the Metropolitan Boys' Boot-blacking Brigade, accompanied with + an intimation that that help must be regarded as the last that + can be counted on from that quarter. Under these circumstances + it became a question whether it was not almost time to consider + some terms of compromise.</p> + + <p>In the above sense one of the speakers addressed the + meeting, but he was speedily followed by another, who insisted + that, "come what might," they would stick to their latest + terms, which were, a three-hours' day—(<i>loud + cheers</i>)—and time-and-three-quarters for any work + expected after three o'clock in the afternoon. (<i>Prolonged + cheering</i>.)</p> + + <p>A Delegate here rose, and said it was all very well their + cheering, but could they get it? (<i>A Voice, "We'll try!"</i>) + For his part, the speaker continued, he had had enough of + trying. With wife and children starving at home, he had only + one course open to him, and that was, to knock under to the + Company and their ten-hours' day, if they would have him. + (<i>Groans, amid which the Speaker had his hat knocked over his + eyes, and was kicked out of the assembly</i>.)</p> + + <p>The discussion was then continued, much in the same vein, + and eventually culminated in a free fight, in which the + Chairman got his head broken, on declaring that a Motion + further limiting the working day to two hours and a half, was + lost by a narrow majority.</p> + + <p>Yesterday afternoon the Directors' Mutual Anti-Labour + Protection Company met at their Central Offices for the + despatch of their usual business. The ordinary Report was read, + which announced that though the affairs of three great Railway + Companies had "gone" literally "to the dogs," still, the + Directors of each had to be congratulated on showing a firm + front, in refusing to acknowledge even the existence of their + <i>employés</i>. The usual congratulatory Motions were put, + <i>pro formâ</i>, and passed, and, amid a general manifestation + of gloomy satisfaction, the meeting was further adjourned.</p> + <hr /> + + <h3>"A Salvage Man."</h3> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Rudyard Kipling has hit on a picturesque plan;</p> + + <p>He describes in strong language "the savage in + Man."</p> + + <p>Whilst amongst the conventions he raids and he + ravages.</p> + + <p>We'd like just a leetle more "Man" in his + savages.</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:50%;"> + <a href="images/51.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/51.png" + alt="IN SELF-DEFENCE." /></a> + + <h3>IN SELF-DEFENCE.</h3> + + <p><i>Jones</i> (<i>who has just told his best Story, and + been rewarded with a gentle smile</i>). "UPON MY WORD, + WOMEN HAVEN'T GOT THE REAL SENSE OF HUMOUR! WHY, WHEN I + HEARD THAT STORY FOR THE FIRST TIME, ONLY LAST WEEK, I + SIMPLY ROARED!"</p> + + <p><i>Miss Smith</i>. "SO DID I—ONLY IT WAS LAST + YEAR!"</p> + </div> + <hr /> + + <h2>FROM OUR MUSICAL BOX.</h2> + + <p>We sent our Musical Box (Cox being unable to accompany him + on the piano or any other instrument, by reason of the severe + weather) to hear STAVENHAGEN at St. James's Hall, Thursday + last, the 22nd. Our Musical B. was nearly turned out of the + hall, he was in such ecstasies of delight over a Beethovenly + <i>concerto</i>, which "bangs Banagher," he said, subsequently + translating the expression by explaining, "that is, beats + BEETHOVEN." Our M.B. wept over a <i>cadenza</i> composed by the + performer, and was only restored by the appearance—her + first—of Madame STAVENHAGEN, who gave somebody's grand + <i>scena</i> far better, probably, than that somebody could + have given it himself, set as it was to fine descriptive music + by the clever STAVENHAGEN, which delighted all hearers, + especially those who were Liszt-eners. "Altogether," writes our + Musical Box, "a very big success. Music is thirsty work. I am + now about to do a symphony in B. and S."</p> + <hr /> + + <h3>VICE VERSÂ.</h3> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>A poet in the <i>Forum</i> asks the question,</p> + + <p>"Is Verse in Danger?" 'Tis a wild suggestion!</p> + + <p>Is Verse in Danger? Nay, <i>that</i>'s not the + curse;</p> + + <p>Danger (of utter boredom) is in Verse!</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + + <p>"ODD MAN OUT."—On Saturday last, the last among the + theatrical advertisements in the <i>Daily Telegraph</i> was the + mysterious one, "MR. CHARLES SUGDEN AT LIBERTY," and then + followed his address. "At Liberty!" What does it mean? Has he + been—it is a little difficult to choose the right word, + but let us say immured—has he been immured in some + cell?—for it does sound like a "sell" of another + sort—and has he at last effected a sensational escape? No + doubt CHARLES, our friend, will be able to offer the public a + satisfactory explanation when he re-appears on the Stage which + suffers from his absence.</p> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page52" + id="page52"></a>[pg 52]</span> + + <h2>PLAYING OLD GOOSEBERRY AT THE HAYMARKET;</h2> + + <h4><i>Or, The Dook, the Dancing Girl, and the Little Lame + Duck.</i></h4> + + <p>What is to be admired in ENERY HAUTHOR JONES is not so much + his work but his pluck,—for has he not, in the first + place, overcome the prudery of the Lord Chamberlain's Licensing + Department, and, in the second place, has he not introduced on + the boards of the Haymarket a good old-fashioned Melodrama, + brought "up to date," and disguised in a Comedy wrapper? Walk + in, Ladies and Gentlemen, and see <i>The Dancing Girl</i>, a + Comedy-Drama shall we call it, or, generically, a Play? wherein + the prominent figures are a wicked Duke,—<i>vice</i> the + "wicked Baronet," now shelved, as nothing under the ducal rank + will suit us nowadays, bless you!—a Provincial Puritan + family, an honest bumpkin lover, a devil of a dancing woman who + lives a double-shuffling sort of life, an angel of a lame + girl,—who, of course, can't cut capers but goes in for + coronets,—a sly, unprincipled, and calculating kind of + angel she is too, but an audience that loves Melodrama is above + indulging in uncharitable analysis of motive,—a town + swell in the country, a more or less unscrupulous land-agent, + and a genuine, honest "heavy father," of the ancient type, with + a good old-fashioned melodramatic father's curse ready at the + right moment, the last relic of a bygone period of the + transpontine Melodrama, which will bring tears to the eyes of + many an elderly playgoer on hearing the old familiar formula, + in the old familiar situation, reproduced on the stage of the + modern Haymarket as if through the medium of a phonophone.</p> + + <div class="figright" + style="width:50%;"> + <a href="images/52-1.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/52-1.png" + alt="FINAL TABLEAU, ACT I." /></a> + + <h4>FINAL TABLEAU, ACT I.</h4>"O does not a Meeting (House) + like this make amends?"<br /> + <i>Ham Christison</i> (<i>Clown</i>). "Ullo! Oh my! I'm a + looking at yer!" + </div> + + <p>At all events, <i>Drusilla Ives, alias</i> "the Dancing Girl + "—though as to where she dances, how she dances, and when + she dances, we are left pretty well in the dark, as she only + gives so slight a taste of her quality that it seemed like a + very amateurish imitation of Miss KATE VAUGHAN in her best + day,—<i>Drusilla Ives</i> is the mistress, neither pure + nor simple, of the <i>Duke of Guisebury</i>,—a title + which is evidently artfully intended by the, at present, "Only + JONES" to be a compound of the French "Guise" and the English + "Bury,"—who from his way of going on and playing old + gooseberry with his property, might have been thus styled with + advantage: and so henceforth let us think and speak of him as + His Grace or His Disgrace the Duke of Gooseberry.</p> + + <p>This Duke of Gooseberry visits, "quite + unbeknown,"—being, for this occasion only, the Duke of + Disguisebury,—his own property, the Island of St. + Endellion, just to see, we suppose, what sort of people the + Quaker family may be from which his mistress, the Dancing + Quakeress (and how funny she used to be at the Music Halls and + at the Gaiety!), has sprung. For some reason or other, the + Dancing Quakeress has gone to stay a few weeks with her family + in the country, and while this hypocritical Daughter of + HERODIAS is with her Quaker belongings at prayers in the + Meeting House, the spirit moveth her to come out, and to come + out uncommonly strong, as, within a yard or so of the building, + she laughs and talks loudly with Gooseberry, and then in a + light-hearted way she treats the Dook to some amateur + imitations of ELLEN TERRY, finishing up with a reminiscence of + KATE VAUGHAN; all of which <i>al fresco</i> entertainment is + given for the benefit of the aforesaid Gooseberry within sound + of the sermon and within sight of the Meeting House windows. + Suddenly her rustic Quaker lover, a kind of <i>Ham + Peggotty</i>, lounges out of the Conventicle, which, as these + persons seem to leave and enter just when it suits them, ought + rather to be called a Chapel-of-Ease,—and, like the clown + that he is, says in effect, "I'm a-looking at yer! I've caught + yer at it!" Dismay of Dook and Dancer!! then Curtain on a most + emphatically effective situation.</p> + + <div class="figleft" + style="width:45%;"> + <a href="images/52-2.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/52-2.png" + alt="Regular Dawgs." /></a>Two "Regular Dawgs" having + a <i>tête-à-tête.</i> + </div> + + <p>The Second Act is far away the best of the lot, damaged, + however, by vain repetitions of words and actions. To the house + where Miss Dancing Girl is openly living under the protection + of Gooseberry, the Duke's worthy Steward actually brings his + virtuous and ingenuous young daughter! If ever there were a + pair of artful, contriving, scheming humbugs, it is this worthy + couple. Because the Duke saved her from being run over by his + own horses, therefore she considers herself at liberty to limp + after him, and round him, and about him, on every possible + occasion, to say sharp, priggish things to him, to make love to + him, and in the Third Act so craftily to manage as to spot him + just as he is about to drink off a phial of poison, which + operation, being preceded by a soliloquy of strong theatrical + flavour and considerable length, gives the lame girl a fair + chance of hobbling down the stairs and arresting the thus + "spotted Nobleman's" arm at the critical moment. Curtain, and a + really fine dramatic situation. "Which nobody can deny."</p> + + <div class="figright" + style="width:35%;"> + <a href="images/52-3.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/52-3.png" + alt="Act III. Pantaloon David Peggotty Gladstone Ives." /> + </a> + + <h4>Act III.</h4>Pantaloon David Peggotty Gladstone Ives. + </div> + + <p>It is in this same Third Act that the fine old crusted + melodramatic curse is uncorked, and a good imperial quart of + wrath is poured out on his dancing daughter's head by the heavy + father, who, in his country suit, forces his way into the + gilded halls of the Duke's mansion, past the flunkeys, the head + butler, and all the rest of the usual pampered menials. An + audience that can accept this old-fashioned cheap-novel kind of + clap-trap, and witness, without surprise, the marvellous + departure of all the guests, supperless, for no assigned cause, + or explicable reason, not even an alarm of fire having been + given, will swallow a considerable amount.</p> + + <div class="figleft" + style="width:50%;"> + <a href="images/53.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/53.png" + alt="FINAL TABLEAU." /></a> + + <h4>FINAL TABLEAU.</h4>Triumph of the Artful Agent and his + lame Duck of a Daughter, Sybil Slyboots, <i>alias</i> Becky + Sharp, afterwards the Merry Duchess of Gooseberry. + </div> + + <p>The Fourth Act is an anticlimax, and shows up the faulty + construction of the drama. Of course the news comes that the + Dancing Girl is dead, and this information is brought by a + Sainte Nitouche of a "Sister" of some Theatrical Order (not + admitted after half-past seven), whose very appearance is a + <i>suggestio falsi</i>. Equally, of course, a letter is found, + which, as exculpating Gooseberry, induces the old cuss of a + Puritan father to shake hands with the converted "Spotted + Nobleman"; but, be it remembered, the Dook is still his + landlord, and the value of the property is going up + considerably. Then it appears that the old humbug of an agent + has sagaciously speculated in the improvement of the island, + and poor Gooseberry feels under such an obligation to that sly + puss of an agent's daughter, that, in a melancholy sort of way, + he offers her his hand, which she, the artful little hussy of a + <i>Becky Sharp</i>, with considerable affectation of coyness, + accepts, and down goes the Curtain upon as unsatisfactory and + commonplace a termination to a good Melodrama as any + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page53" + id="page53"></a>[pg 53]</span> Philistine of the Philistines + could possibly wish. It would have been a human tragedy + indeed had poor Gooseberry poisoned himself, and the girl + whose life he had saved had arrived just too late, only to + die of a broken heart. But that "is quite another + story."</p> + + <p>The piece is well played all round, especially by the men. + Mr. TREE is excellent, except in the ultra-melodramatic parts, + where he is too noisy. The very best thing he does is the + perfect finish of the Second Act, when, without a word, he sits + in the chair before the fire lost in dismal thought. This is + admirable: as perfect in its dramatic force as it is true to + nature. It is without exception the best thing in the whole + piece. Mr. F. KERR as <i>Reginald Slingsby</i>, achieves a + success unequalled since Mr. BANCROFT played the <i>parvenu</i> + swell <i>Hawtree</i>. It should be borne in mind that Mr. KERR + only recently played admirably the poor stuttering shabby lover + in <i>The Struggle for Life. Il ira loin, ce bon</i> M. KERR. + Miss JULIA NEILSON looks the part to the life: when she has + ceased to give occasional imitations of Miss ELLEN TERRY, and + can really play the part as well as she looks it, then nothing + more could be possibly desired. All the others as good as need + be, or can be.</p> + <hr /> + + <h2>THE BOGEY, MAN!</h2> + + <h4>(<i>Retort of a Lady-Player who plays "for love.</i>")</h4> + + <blockquote> + <p>["No game was ever yet invented which held the female + mind in thrall save by indirect means. Where would croquet + have been, so far as the Ladies were concerned, without its + Curates, or lawn-tennis without its 'Greek gods' ... If men + played for nothing, they would find it dull + enough."—JAMES PAYN]</p> + </blockquote> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>'Tis mighty well for Menfolk at Womankind to + gibe,</p> + + <p>And swear they do not care for games without some + lure or bribe,</p> + + <p>But e'en in JAMES PAYN's armour there seems some + weakish joints;</p> + + <p>He does not care for "glorious Whist" unless for + "sixpenny points!"</p> + + <p class="i4">Whist! Whist! Whist! It charms the Bogey, + Man:</p> + + <p class="i4">Whist! Whist! Whist! He'll play it when + he can.</p> + + <p class="i4">But "pointless Whist," as PAYN admits, is + not at all his plan;</p> + + <p class="i4">You must have "money on" to please the + Bogey, Man!</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Now, Ladies like to play "for love," a fault male + hucksters blame,</p> + + <p>But only sordid souls deny <i>that</i> is the true + "grand game."</p> + + <p>Man's vulgarer ambition's not just to play well and + win;</p> + + <p>His eye is ever on the stakes, his interest on the + "tin."</p> + + <p class="i4">Whist! Whist! Whist! That blatant Bogey, + Man!</p> + + <p class="i4">Whist! Whist! Whist! He'll flout us when + he can.</p> + + <p class="i4">"Indirect means" though, after all, are + portions of <i>his</i> plan;</p> + + <p class="i4">For all his brag he loves the "swag," the + Bogey, Man!</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + + <h3>Mum's the Word!</h3> + + <blockquote> + <p>[Mr. CHAMBERLAIN presided lately at a Deaf-and-Dumb + Meeting.]</p> + </blockquote> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p class="i10">JOSEPH <i>reflecteth</i>:—</p> + + <p>Deaf-mutes make the best audience, I see;</p> + + <p class="i2"><i>They</i> gave me no rude flood of + gibes to stem.</p> + + <p>True, they were deaf, and so could not hear + <i>me</i>,</p> + + <p class="i2">But they were dumb, so <i>I</i> could not + hear them!</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + + <p>MADAME ROLAND RE-EDITED (<i>from a sham-Japanese point of + view</i>).—O LIBERTY! what strange (decorative) things + are done in thy name!</p> + <hr /> + + <h2>JACK'S APPEAL.</h2> + + <blockquote> + <p>["It is impossible for warrant-officers in the Navy not + to see that they are placed at a disadvantage as compared + with non-commissioned officers in the Army, and it must be + very difficult to persuade them that the two cases are so + essentially different as to afford no real ground for + grievance."—<i>The "Times," on "An Earnest Appeal on + Behalf of the Rank and File of the Navy</i>."]</p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>Jack Tar to Tommy Atkins, loquitur</i>:—</p> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>TOMMY ATKINS, TOMMY ATKINS, penmen write pertikler + fine</p> + + <p>Of the Wooden Walls of England, and likeways the + Thin Red Line;</p> + + <p>But for those as form that Line, mate, or for those + as man them Walls,</p> + + <p>Scribes don't seem so precious anxious to kick up + their lyric squalls.</p> + + <p>Not a bit of it, my hearty; for one reason—it + don't pay;</p> + + <p>There is small demand, my TOMMY, for a DIBDIN in our + day.</p> + + <p>Oh, I know that arter dinner your M.P.'s can up and + quote</p> + + <p>Tasty tit-bits from old CHARLEY, which they all reel + off by rote;</p> + + <p>But if there <i>is</i> a cherub up aloft to watch + poor JACK,</p> + + <p>That there cherub ain't a poet,—bards are on + another tack.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>TOMMY ATKINS, TOMMY ATKINS, BULL is sweet on "loyal + toasts,"</p> + + <p>And he spends his millions freely on his squadrons + and his hosts,</p> + + <p>But there isn't much on't, messmate, not so fur as + <i>I</i> can see,</p> + + <p>Whether 'tis rant or rhino, that gets spent on you + and me.</p> + + <p>Still the <i>Times</i> has took our case + up,—werry handsome o' the + <i>Times</i>!—</p> + + <p>I have heard it charged with prejudice, class-hate, + and similar crimes,</p> + + <p>But it shows it's got fair sperret and a buzzum as + can feel</p> + + <p>When it backs us with a "Leader" arter printing our + "Appeal."</p> + + <p>You are better off, my TOMMY, than the Navy Rank and + File,</p> + + <p>You <i>may</i> chance to get promotion,—arter + waiting a good while—</p> + + <p>But the tip-top of Tar luck's to be a Warrant + Officer;</p> + + <p>We ain't like to get no further, if we even get + <i>as</i> fur.</p> + + <p>'Tain't encouraging, my hearty. As for me, I'm old + and grey,</p> + + <p>'Tis too late now for promotion if it chanced to + come <i>my</i> way;</p> + + <p>And my knowledge, and my patter, and my + manners—well I guess</p> + + <p>They mayn't be percisely fitted for a dandy + ward-room mess.</p> + + <p>But the Navy of the Future, TOMMY ATKINS, is our + care,</p> + + <p>We have gone through many changes, and for others + must prepare.</p> + + <p>It will make the Navy popular, more prospect of + advance;</p> + + <p>And what I say is, TOMMY,—<i>let the young uns + have a chance!</i></p> + + <p>Some I know will cry "Impossible," and slate the + scheme like fun.</p> + + <p>Most good things are "impossible," my + TOMMY,—<i>till they're done!</i></p> + + <p>Quarter-decks won't fill from fokesels, not to any + great extent;</p> + + <p>But, give good men a better chance! I guess that's + all that's meant.</p> + + <p>As the <i>Times</i> says, werry sensible and + kind-like, preju<i>dice</i>,</p> + + <p>Though strong at first, dies quickly, melts away + like thaw-struck ice;</p> + + <p>If every brave French soldier, with a knapsack on + his back,</p> + + <p><i>May</i> find a Marshal's baton at the bottom of + that pack,</p> + + <p>Why should not a true British Tar, with pluck, and + luck, and wit,</p> + + <p>Find at last a "Luff's" commission hidden somewheres + in his kit?</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + + <h2>WAKING THEM UP.</h2> + + <h4><i>Fly-leaf from an Energetic Kaiser's Diary.</i></h4> + + <p>10 P.M.—Slip out of Opera and take somebody else's + overcoat from cloak-room when nobody is looking, jump into a + four-wheeler, and drive to station. Am recognised, and a + special train is called out. Give them the slip, and get into a + horse-box of third-class omnibus-train just about to start.</p> + + <p>10.15 P.M. <i>to</i> 2.30 A.M.—Still in horse-box.</p> + + <p>2.45 AM.—Stop at a big town. Hurry out. Stopped for + ticket. Throw off disguise of somebody else's overcoat, and + declare myself. Guard called out to escort me. When they are + looking the other way, hide under refreshment-counter, and get + out of station unobserved on all-fours. Am collared by a + policeman. Again have to declare myself. Give policeman twenty + marks, bind him to silence, and borrow his official cloak. Find + out Burgomaster's address. Hammer at his front door till I have + stirred up the whole household.</p> + + <p>4 A.M. <i>to</i> 5 A.M.—Find out the Archbishop. Bang + at his front door till he puts his head out of window, and + wants to know "What on earth's the matter?" Hide round the + corner. Repeat same business, with more or less success, at the + residence of the Chief Justice, then at that of the Clerk of + the Peace, and at those of any other officials I can call to + mind, winding up by a regular good row at that of the General + in Command. Trumpeter comes out. Take bugle from him, and give + the call. General in Command rubs his eyes sleepily, and says + he'll be down presently.</p> + + <p>5 A.M.—Hurry back to station. Catch early cattle-train + going back to Berlin. Jump on engine, and declare myself. Wire + approach down line, and tear away with the cattle, at seventy + miles an hour, getting back to Berlin just in time for + breakfast. Fancy I woke them up! Altogether, a very enjoyable + outing.</p> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page54" + id="page54"></a>[pg 54]</span> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:100%;"> + <a href="images/54.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/54.png" + alt="GENUINE ENTHUSIASM." /></a> + + <h3>GENUINE ENTHUSIASM.</h3>(<i>A Thaw Picture.</i>)<br /> + WHAT MATTER AN INCH OR TWO OF SURFACE-WATER, IF THE ICE BE + STILL SOUND UNDERNEATH! + </div> + <hr /> + + <h2>"ROUGE ET NOIR!"</h2> + + <h3>OR, JONATHAN'S PERPLEXING PROBLEM.</h3> + + <h4>(<i>Some Way after Hosea Biglow's "Jonathan to + John."</i>)</h4> + + <p><i>Jonathan (who has been reading the Articles on "The Negro + Question in the United States," in the English "Times") + loq</i>:—</p> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>It may be ez you're right, JOHN,</p> + + <p class="i2">And both my hands <i>are</i> full;</p> + + <p><i>You</i> know ez I can fight, JOHN,</p> + + <p class="i2">(I've wiped out "Sitting Bull").</p> + + <p>Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess</p> + + <p class="i2">We see our fix," sez he.</p> + + <p>"The 'Thunderer's' paw lays down the law,</p> + + <p class="i2">Accordin' to J.B.</p> + + <p class="i2">To square it's left to <i>me</i>!"</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Blood ain't so cool as ink, JOHN;</p> + + <p class="i2">Big words are easy wrote;</p> + + <p>The "coons"—well, you don't think, JOHN,</p> + + <p class="i2">I'll let 'em cut my throat.</p> + + <p>Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess</p> + + <p class="i2">Ghost-dance must stop," sez he.</p> + + <p class="i2">"Suppose the 'braves' and black + ex-slaves</p> + + <p class="i2">Hed b'longed to ole J.B.</p> + + <p class="i2">Insted of unto me?"</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Ten art'cles in your <i>Times</i>, JOHN,</p> + + <p class="i2">Hev giv me good advice.</p> + + <p>I mind th' old Slavery crimes, JOHN.</p> + + <p class="i2">I don't need tellin' twice.</p> + + <p>Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess,</p> + + <p class="i2">I only guess," sez he,</p> + + <p>"Seven million blacks on his folks' backs</p> + + <p class="i2">Would kind o' rile J.B.</p> + + <p class="i2">Ez much ez it riles me!"</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>The Red Man,—well, I s'pose, JOHN,</p> + + <p class="i2">We'll hev to wipe <i>him</i> aout.</p> + + <p>Sech pizonous trash ez those, JOHN,</p> + + <p class="i2">The world kin do without.</p> + + <p>Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess</p> + + <p class="i2">Injuns must go," sez he.</p> + + <p class="i2">"COOPER's Red Man won't fit our plan,</p> + + <p class="i2">Though he once witched J.B.</p> + + <p class="i2">As once he fetched e'en <i>me</i>!"</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>The Black Man! Ah, that's wuss, JOHN.</p> + + <p class="i2">The chaps wuz right, ay <i>joost</i>,</p> + + <p>Who said the Slavery cuss, JOHN,</p> + + <p class="i2">Wud yet come home to roost.</p> + + <p>Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess</p> + + <p class="i2">The problem set," sez he,</p> + + <p class="i2">"By that derned Nig. is black and + big,</p> + + <p class="i2">And fairly puzzles me,</p> + + <p class="i2">Ez it wud do J.B."</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Your <i>Times</i> would right our wrongs, JOHN,</p> + + <p class="i2">—Always <i>wuz</i> sweet on + us!—</p> + + <p>But on dilemma's prongs, JOHN,</p> + + <p class="i2">To fix me don't <i>you</i> fuss.</p> + + <p>Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess,</p> + + <p class="i2">Though physic's good," sez he,</p> + + <p class="i2">"It doesn't foller that he can + swaller</p> + + <p class="i2">Prescriptions signed J.B.</p> + + <p class="i2">Put up by you for me!"</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Thet swaggerin' black buck Nig., JOHN,</p> + + <p class="i2">Is jest a grown-up kid;</p> + + <p>Ez happy as a —— pig, JOHN,</p> + + <p class="i2">When doin' wut he's bid.</p> + + <p>Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess</p> + + <p class="i2">He's hateful when he's free.</p> + + <p>Equal with <i>him</i>, that dark-skinn'd limb?</p> + + <p class="i2">No; that will not suit <i>me</i>,</p> + + <p class="i2">More than it wud J.B.!"</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Emigrate the whole lot, JOHN?</p> + + <p class="i2">Well, that's a tallish task!</p> + + <p>In Afric's centre hot, JOHN,</p> + + <p class="i2">Send 'em to breed and bask?</p> + + <p>Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess</p> + + <p class="i2"><i>I</i>'d be right glad," sez he,</p> + + <p class="i2">"But—<i>will they go?</i> 'Tain't + done, you know,</p> + + <p class="i2">As easy as J.B.</p> + + <p class="i2">Wud settle it—for me!"</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p><i>Rouge</i>—there I see my way, JOHN.</p> + + <p class="i2">But <i>Noir</i>—thet's hard to + front!</p> + + <p>It wun't be no child's play, JOHN,</p> + + <p class="i2">Seven million Nigs to shunt.</p> + + <p>Ole Uncle S. sez he, "I guess</p> + + <p class="i2">We've a hard row," sez he,</p> + + <p class="i2">"To hoe just now, but thet, somehow,</p> + + <p class="i2">I fancy, friend J.B.,</p> + + <p class="i2">Your <i>Times</i> may leave to + <i>me</i>!"</p> + </div> + </div> + + <blockquote> + <p>[<i>Left considering it.</i></p> + </blockquote> + <hr /> + + <h3>WELCOME BACK!</h3> + + <blockquote> + <p>[Mr. SANTLEY, who has been long absent in Australia, + reappeared at St. James's Hall on Jan. 19, and was received + with great enthusiasm.]</p> + </blockquote> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Back from your Australian trip!</p> + + <p><i>Punch</i>, my CHARLES, your fist must grip.</p> + + <p>You have lighted on a time</p> + + <p>When we're all chill, choke, and grime.</p> + + <p>'Twere no marvel, O great baritone,</p> + + <p>Did you find your voice had nary tone.</p> + + <p>But there's none like you can sing</p> + + <p>"<i>To Anthea</i>," "<i>The Erl-King</i>."</p> + + <p>SCHUBERT, GOUNOD, English HATTON,</p> + + <p>Equally your Fine Art's pat on.</p> + + <p><i>Punch</i> can never praise <i>you</i> + scantly.</p> + + <p><i>À votre santé</i>, good CHARLES SANTLEY!</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page55" + id="page55"></a>[pg 55]</span> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:100%;"> + <a href="images/55.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/55.png" + alt="ROUGE ET NOIR!" /></a> + + <h3>"ROUGE ET NOIR!"</h3> + </div> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page57" + id="page57"></a>[pg 57]</span> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:50%;"> + <a href="images/57.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/57.png" + alt="OUR SPORT AND ART EXHIBITION." /></a> + + <h3>OUR SPORT AND ART EXHIBITION.</h3>"ON THE SCENT." + </div> + <hr /> + + <h2>FOR <i>BETTER</i>—OR WORSE.</h2> + + <blockquote> + <p>[At the Anti-Gambling Demonstration recently held in + Exeter Hall, Sir RICHARD WEBSTER, the Attorney-General, + said that it was supposed by many that it was impossible to + enjoy athletic pursuits without becoming interested in a + pecuniary sense. He should therefore like to add, not for + the purpose of holding himself up as an example, that, + during his entire interest in sports of all kinds, he had + never made a bet.]</p> + </blockquote> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Ah! these are days when Recklessness, bereft of + ready cash,</p> + + <p>Will strive to remedy the void by speculative + splash;</p> + + <p>It is a salutary sight for Bankruptcy and + Debt—</p> + + <p>Our good Attorney-General who never made a bet.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>His interest in manly sports, an interest + immense,</p> + + <p>Was ne'er degraded to a mere "pecuniary sense;"</p> + + <p>His boyhood's love of marbles leaves him nothing to + regret—</p> + + <p>Our good Attorney-General who never made a bet.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Next, when a youth, the cricket-bat he first began + to wield,</p> + + <p>And "Heads or Tails?" re-echoed for the Innings + through the field.</p> + + <p>He sternly scorned to toss the coin, howe'er his + friends might fret—</p> + + <p>Our good Attorney-General who never made a bet.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>And when, an Undergraduate, he swiftly skimmed his + mile,</p> + + <p>And comrades staked with confidence on him their + little pile,</p> + + <p>He'd beg them not on his account in gambling ways to + get—</p> + + <p>This good Attorney-General who never made a bet.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>To play for money ruins whist: and seldom can his + Club</p> + + <p>Persuade him to put counters (coins for Zulus!) on + the rub;</p> + + <p>He <i>has</i> been known for lozenges to dabble with + piquet;</p> + + <p>He wasn't Chief Attorney then, nor was it + <i>quite</i> a bet.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>His wise profession's ornament, he looks on all such + games</p> + + <p>Far otherwise than RUSSELL does, than LOCKWOOD, + HALL, or JAMES;</p> + + <p>For pure platonic love of play he stands, unequalled + yet—</p> + + <p>Our good Attorney-General who never made a bet.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>St. Stephen's, too, thinks much of him; but ah! his + soul it pains</p> + + <p>To know that Speculation o'er the lobby sometimes + reigns;</p> + + <p>He's chided OLD MORALITY and RANDOLPH and the + set,</p> + + <p>Beseeching them on bended knees to never make a + bet.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>We all are fond of him, in short, the Boxes with the + Gods;</p> + + <p>That he's a first-rate fellow we would gladly lay + the odds.</p> + + <p>But no!—himself would veto that. We must not + wound our pet</p> + + <p>Precise Attorney-General who never made a bet.</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + + <h3>THE ARISTOTELIAN TREASURE-TROVE.</h3> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>All have heard of "a Manuscript found in a + Bottle,"</p> + + <p class="i2">But here is a waif with romance yet more + fraught:</p> + + <p>A newly-found treatise by old ARISTOTLE</p> + + <p class="i2">Is flotsam indeed from the Ocean of + Thought.</p> + + <p>Oh, happy discoverer, lucky Museum!</p> + + <p class="i2">Not this time the foreigner scores off + JOHN BULL.</p> + + <p>Teuton pundits would lift, for such luck, their + <i>Te Deum</i>!</p> + + <p class="i2">No SHAPIRA, <i>Punch</i> hopes, such a + triumph to dull!</p> + + <p>May it all turn out right! Further details won't + tire us.</p> + + <p>We <i>may</i> get some straight-tips from that + Coptic papyrus!</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + + <h2>ROBERT ON SKATIN'.</h2> + + <p>Well, I begins to agree with them as says, and says it too + as if they ment it, that noboddy can reelly tell what is reel + grand injiyment till they trys it, and trys it farely, and + gives it a good chance. I remembers how I used to try and like + Crikkit, when I was much yunger than I am now, and stuck to it + in spite of several black eyes when I stood pint, and shouts + of, "Now then, Butter-Fingers!" when I stood leg, till a serten + werry fast Bowler sent me away from the wicket with two black + and blew legs, and then I guv it up. I guv up Foot Ball for + simler reesuns, and have never attemted not nothink in the + Hathlettick line ewer since, my sumwat rapid increase in size + and wait a hading me in that wise resolooshun.</p> + + <p>But sumhow it appened, dooring the hawful whether we has all + bin a shivering threw for this long time, that I found my + atenshun direckted to the strange fack that, whilst amost + ewerybody was busily engaged in a cussin and swarin at the + bitter cold and the dirty slippery sno, ewerybody else seemed + to be injying of theirselves like wun-a-clock. Now it so + appened that when waiting one day upon the young swell I have + before spoken of, at the "Grand 'Otel," he was jined by another + swell, who told him what a glorius day's skating he had been + avin in Hide Park! and how he ment to go agen to-morrer, "if + the luvly frost wood but continue!"</p> + + <p>So my cureosety was naterally egsited, and nex day off I gos + to Hide Park, and there I seed the xplanation of what had + serprised me so much. For there was hunderds and hunderds of + not only spectably drest Gents, but also of reel-looking Ladys, + a skatin away like fun, and a larfing away and injying + theirselves jest as if it had bin a nice Summer's day. + Presently I append to find myself a standing jest by a nice + respectabel looking man, with a nice, cumferal-looking chair, + and seweral pares of Skates; and presently he says to me, quite + permiscus-like, "They all seems to be a injying theirselves, + don't they, Sir?" which they most suttenly did; and then he + says to me, says he, "Do you skate, Sir?" to which my natral + pride made me reply, "Not much!" "Will you have a pair on. + Sir," says he, "jest for a trial?" "Is there any fear of a + axident?" says I. "Oh no. Sir," says he, "not if you follers my + hinstrucshuns." So I acshally sets myself down in his chair, + and lets him put me on a pair of Skates! The first differculty + was, how to get up, which I found as I coudn't manage at all + without his asistance; for, strange to say, both of my feet + insisted on going quite contrary ways. Howewer, by grarsping on + him quite tite round his waste, I at last manidged to go along + three or four slides, and then I returned to the chair, and sat + down again; and he was kind enuff to compliment me, and to say + that he thort I was a gitting on fust-rate, and, if I woud only + cum ewery day for about a week or so, he had no dowt but he + shood see me a skating a figger of hate like the best on + 'em!</p> + + <p>Hencouraged by his truthfool remarks, I at larst wentured to + let go of him and try a few slides by myself, and shood no dowt + have suckseeded hadmerably, but my bootifal stick to which I + was a trustin to elp me from falling, slided rite away from me + in a most unnatral manner, and down I came on my onerabel seat, + with such a smasher as seemed to shake all my foreteen stun + into a cocked-hat, to speak, hallegorically, and there I lay, + elpless and opeless, and wundring how on airth I shood ever get + up again. But my trusty frend and guide was soon at my side, as + the Poet says, but all his united force, with that of too boys + who came to his assistance, and larfed all the wile, as rude + boys will, coud not get me on my feet agen 'till my too skates + was taken off, and I agen found myself on <i>terror fermer</i> + on my friend's chair. It took me longer to recover myself than + I shood have thort posserbel, but at larst I was enabled to + crawl away, but not 'till my frend had supplied me with jest a + nice nip of brandy, which he said he kept andy in case of any + such surprisin axidents as had appened to me.</p> + + <p>So what with paying for the use of the skates, and the use + of the Brandy, and the use of the too boys, and the use of a + handsum Cab to take me to the "Grand," that was rayther a deer + ten minutes skating, and as it was reelly and trewly my fust + attemt at that poplar and xciting passtime, I think I may + safely affirm—as I have alreddy done to my better + harf—whose langwidge, when I related my hadwentur, is + scarcely worth repeating, as it was most certenly not + complementary—that it shall be my larst. ROBERT.</p> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page58" + id="page58"></a>[pg 58]</span> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:100%;"> + <a href="images/58.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/58.png" + alt="REMINISCENCES OF SPORT IN THE SNOW." /></a> + + <h3>REMINISCENCES OF SPORT IN THE SNOW.</h3> + </div> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page59" + id="page59"></a>[pg 59]</span> + + <h2>A FREEZING POINT.</h2> + + <h4>(<i>By a Frozen-out Lover.</i>)</h4> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>They tell me thou art cold, my sweet—</p> + + <p class="i2">A fact that scarcely odd is.</p> + + <p>Gales half so cruel never beat</p> + + <p class="i2">Against poor human bodies.</p> + + <p>Cupid's attire is far too light</p> + + <p>To weather Thirty Fahrenheit.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>How can a glow the soul entrance,</p> + + <p class="i2">When frostbite nips the finger,</p> + + <p>And blushes quit the countenance</p> + + <p class="i2">To nigh the nostril linger!</p> + + <p>Warmth were a miracle, in sight</p> + + <p>And grip of Thirty Fahrenheit.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Chill! chill to <i>me</i>, my Paradise!!</p> + + <p class="i2">I'll not complain or curse on.</p> + + <p>One cannot well be otherwise</p> + + <p class="i2">To any mortal person.</p> + + <p>Mere icebergs ambulant, we fight</p> + + <p>Ferocious Thirty Fahrenheit.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Cold art thou? Not so cold as I—</p> + + <p class="i2">Nought living could be colder.</p> + + <p>I'm far too cold to sob or sigh,</p> + + <p class="i2">Still less in passion smoulder.</p> + + <p>I'm turning fast to something quite</p> + + <p>As numb as Thirty Fahrenheit.</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + + <p>INFORMATION REQUIRED.—"Sir, I see a Volume advertised + entitled, <i>Unspoken Sermons</i>. I should be glad to know + where these are preached, as that's the place for yours truly, + ONE WHO SNORES."</p> + <hr /> + + <p>NEW BOOK OF IRISH LIFE.—<i>The Bedad's Sons</i>. By + the Author of the tale of Indian Life, <i>The Begum's + Daughters</i>.</p> + <hr /> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:75%;"> + <a href="images/59-1.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/59-1.png" + alt="THE DELIGHTS OF TRIAL BY JURY." /></a> + + <h3>THE DELIGHTS OF TRIAL BY JURY.</h3>THESE GENTLEMEN ARE + EXPECTED TO BE IN A JUDICIAL FRAME OF MIND AFTER HANGING + ABOUT THE PRECINCTS OF THE COURT FOR SEVERAL DAYS, UNDER + PENALTY OF A HEAVY FINE, WHILE THEIR PRIVATE BUSINESS IN + THE CITY AND ELSEWHERE IS GOING TO THE DOGS. (WHY SHOULD + NOT HALF-PAY OFFICERS DO THE WORK, AND RELIEVE BUSY MEN?) + </div> + <hr /> + + <h2>ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.</h2> + + <h4>EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.</h4> + + <p><i>House of Commons, Thursday, January 22</i>.—Both + Houses met to-day after Christmas Recess. No QUEEN's Speech; no + moving and seconding of Address; no Royal Commission and + procession of SPEAKER to Lords. All seems strange, and spirits + generally a little depressed. Only ROBERT FOWLER rises superior + to circumstances of hour. Blustering about the Lobby "like + Boreas," says CAUSTON.</p> + + <div class="figleft" + style="width:28%;"> + <a href="images/59-2.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/59-2.png" + alt="King Yah! Yah!" /></a>King Yah! Yah! + </div> + + <p>"Only not so rude," says HARRY LAWSON, jealous for the + reputation of Metropolitan Members, even though some sit on the + Benches opposite. With folded hands thrust behind coat-tails, + rollicking stride, thunderous voice, and blooming countenance, + Sir ROBERT positively pervades the Lobby. Personally receives + POPE HENNESSY; shakes hands with everybody; and finally halting + for a moment under the electric-lit archway leading into House, + presents interesting and attractive picture of the Glorified + Alderman.</p> + + <p>Scotch Members take possession of Commons to-night. LORD + ADVOCATE brings in Bill, providing new machinery for private + legislation; the Scotch Members with one accord fall upon + proposal, and tear it to ribbons. Meanwhile other Members troop + off to Lords, where spectacle is provided which beats the + pantomimes into fits. Two new Peers to take their seats; + procession formed in back room outside; enters from below Bar. + First comes Black Rod, with nothing black about him; then + Garter King-at-Arms, a herculean personage, fully five feet + high, with a dangerous gleam in his eye, and the Royal Arms of + England quartered in scarlet and blue and gold on his manly + back. Behind, in red cloaks slashed with ermine, the new Baron + and his escort of two brother Peers. There being no room for + them to advance in due procession, they fall into single file, + make their way to the Woolsack, where sits that pink of + chivalry, that mould of fashion, that perfection of form, the + LORD HIGH CHANCELLOR.</p> + + <p>New Peer drops on one knee, presents bundle of paper to LORD + CHANCELLOR. L.C., coyly turning his head on one side, gingerly + takes roll, hands it to Attendant. New Peer gets up; procession + bundles back to table; here Gentleman in wig and gown gabbles + something from long document. New Peer writes his name in a + book (probably promising subscription towards expenses of + performance.) Garter King-at-Arms getting to the front trots + off with comically short strides for so great a dignity; New + Peer and escort follow, Black Rod solemnly bringing up rear. + Garter King makes for Cross Benches by the door; passes along + one, the rest following, as if playing game of + Follow-my-leader. Garter King suddenly making off to the right, + walks up Gangway to row of empty Benches. Stops at the topmost + row but one, and passes along. New Peer wants to follow him. + Garter King prods him in chest with small stick, and tells him + to go on to the Bench above. This he does, with escort. + Meanwhile, Black Rod left out in the cold. Garter King motions + to three Peers to be seated; tells them to put on their + cocked-hats; counts ten; nods to them; they rise to feet, + uplift cocked-hats in direction of LORD CHANCELLOR on Woolsack. + He raises his in return of salute. Three Peers sit down again. + Garter King counts ten; nods; up they get again, salute LORD + CHANCELLOR; sit down once more. + "One—two—three—four—ten," Garter King + mumbles to himself. Once more they rise; salute LORD + CHANCELLOR; then Garter King leading the way, they march back + to Woolsack.</p> + + <p>Garter King now introduces new Member to LORD CHANCELLOR. + L.C. starts as if he had never seen him before; then extends + right <span class="pagenum"><a name="page60" + id="page60"></a>[pg 60]</span> hand; New Peer shakes it, + procession reformed, walks out behind Bar. A few minutes + later, another comes in, all the business done over again. + Impressive, but a little monotonous, and as soon as possible + after its conclusion Noble Lords go home.</p> + + <p><i>Business done</i>.—In Commons, Private Bill + Legislation Bill read a Second Time.</p> + + <p><i>Friday</i>.—WM. O'BRIEN, standing with tear-stained + face on pier at Boulogne waving wet handkerchief across the + main, has drawn away JUSTIN McCARTHY, who can't be back till + Monday. PARNELL was to have come down to-day, and, making + believe to be still Leader of United Irishmen, asked OLD + MORALITY to set aside day for discussion of his Motion on + operation of Crimes Act. BRER FOX accordingly looked in shortly + after SPEAKER took the Chair.</p> + + <div class="figleft" + style="width:22%;"> + <a href="images/60-1.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/60-1.png" + alt="Dr. Channing in the Pulpit." /></a>Dr. Channing + in the Pulpit. + </div> + + <p>"Seen BRER RABBIT anywhere about, TOBY?" he asked.</p> + + <p>So I up and told him about McCARTHY's new journey to + Boulogne.</p> + + <p>"Oh, indeed," said BRER FOX; "if that's the case, I think I + won't trouble House to-night. Got an engagement elsewhere; + think I'll go and keep it. Not used to hanging about here, as + you know; awful bore to me; but as long as BRER RABBIT comes + here, I must be on spot to vindicate my position. So I'll say + ta-ta. No—never mind ringing for fire-escape; can walk + down the steps to-day."</p> + + <p>Thus there being no Irish Leader on the premises, and hardly + any Irish Members, had a rare chance for attending to British + business. CHANNING brought on question of working Overtime on + the Railways; moved Resolution invoking interference of Board + of Trade. Question a little awkward for Government. Couldn't + afford to offend Railway Directors, yet wouldn't do to flout + numerous body of working-men, chiefly voters. Proposed to + shelve business by appointment of Select Committee. Opposition + not going to let them off so easily. Debate kept up all night, + winding up with critical Division; Government majority only + 17.</p> + + <p>"And this," said OLD MORALITY, with injured look, "after + PLUNKET's brilliant oration on the time-tables of the London + and North-Western Railway Company! If he'd only illustrated it + with magic-lantern, things would have gone differently." But he + was obstinate; said there would be difficulty in arranging the + slides, and so rejected proposal.</p> + + <p><i>Business done</i>.—CHANNING's Resolution about + Overtime on Railways negatived by 141 Votes against 124.</p> + <hr /> + + <h2>HOMAGE TO SIR JAMES HANNEN.</h2> + + <p>Sir,—As the recognised organ of the legal profession, + will you permit me to address you? It is common knowledge that + within the last few days the Right Honourable Sir JAMES HANNEN + has been raised to a dignity greater than that he has been able + to claim for the last eighteen years, when he has sat as + President of the Probate, Divorce, and Admiralty Division of + the High Court of Justice. On leaving the Court in which so + many of us were known to him, he was kind enough to say, "Those + eighteen years had been eighteen years of happiness to him, + chiefly arising from the advantage he had had in having before + him habitually practising in that Court Barristers who had felt + that their part was just as important as his in the + administration of Justice, and who had assisted him enormously. + Without their assistance, his task would have been an arduous + one, whereas it had been, as he had said, an agreeable one." As + I personally have had the honour of appearing before his + Lordship for many years, I think that it is only right that I + should make some acknowledgment of this kind recognition of my + services.</p> + + <p>It is quite true that I have felt, as Sir JAMES HANNEN + suggests, that my part (humble as it may have been) has been + just as important as his in the administration of Justice. But + it is gratifying to me beyond measure to learn that my + invariable custom of bowing to his Lordship on the commencement + and conclusion of each day's forensic duties—which has + been the limit of my "habitual practice" in the Probate + Division—should "have assisted him enormously." I can + only say that, thanks to his unvarying kindness and courtesy, + my daily recognition of his greetings from the Bench, instead + of being an arduous task, has ever been an agreeable one. I + have the honour to remain, Sir, your very obedient servant,</p> + + <p>(<i>Signed</i>)</p> + + <p>A. BRIEFLESS, JUNIOR.</p> + + <p><i>Pump-Handle Court, January 24, 1891.</i></p> + <hr /> + + <p>"PRO-DIGIOUS!"—In last Sunday's <i>Observer</i> we + read that at St. Petersburg Madame MELBA, as <i>Juliette, "was + recalled thirty-one times before the proscenium.</i>" The + italics are ours, rather! If this sort of thing is to be + repeated during the Opera season here, and each gifted singer + is recalled in proportion to his or her merits, the audience + will not get away till the following morning. <i>Juliette</i> + must have said, on the above-mentioned occasion, "Parting is + such sweet sorrow, That I could say 'good-night' until + to-morrow." And the usual chorus of operatic <i>habitués</i> + will be, "We won't go home till morning. Till daylight doth + appear!" with <i>refrain</i>, "For—she (or he)'s a jolly + good singer," &c., <i>ad infinitum</i>, or "<i>ad + infi-next-nightum</i>."</p> + <hr /> + + <h2>THE FRIEZE OF THE PARTHENON.</h2> + + <h4>ENGLAND TO ATHENS:—</h4> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>O Queen of Cities, with a crown of woe,</p> + + <p class="i2">Scarred by the ruin of two thousand + years,</p> + + <p>By fraud and by barbarian force laid low,</p> + + <p class="i2">Buried in dust, and watered with the + tears</p> + + <p>Of unregarded bondmen, toiling on,</p> + + <p>Crushed in the shadow of their Parthenon;</p> + </div> + + <div class="figright" + style="width:36%;"> + <a href="images/60-2.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/60-2.png" + alt="The Frieze of the Parthenon." /></a> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Mother of heroes, Athens, nought availed</p> + + <p class="i2">The Macedonian's triumph, or the + chain</p> + + <p>Of Rome; the conquering Osmanli failed,</p> + + <p class="i2">His myriad hosts have trampled thee in + vain.</p> + + <p>They for thy deathless body raised the pyre,</p> + + <p>And held the torch, but Heaven forbade the fire.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Then didst thou rise, and, shattering thy bands,</p> + + <p class="i2">Burst in war's thunder on the Muslim + horde,</p> + + <p>Who shrank appalled before thee, while thy hands</p> + + <p class="i2">Wielded again the imperishable sword,</p> + + <p>The sword that smote the Persian when he came,</p> + + <p>Countless as sand, thy virgin might to tame.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Mother of freemen, Athens, thou art free,</p> + + <p class="i2">Free as the spirits of thy mighty + dead;</p> + + <p>And Freedom's northern daughter calls to thee,</p> + + <p class="i2">"How shall I help thee, sister? Raise thy + head,</p> + + <p>O Athens, say what can I give thee now,</p> + + <p>I who am free, to deck thy marble brow?"</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr class="short" /> + + <h4>ATHENS REPLIES:—</h4> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Shot-dinted, but defiant of decay,</p> + + <p class="i2">Stand my gaunt columns in a tragic + line,</p> + + <p>The shattered relics of a glorious day,</p> + + <p>Mute guardians of the lost Athena's shrine.</p> + + <p>The flame of hope, that faded to despair</p> + + <p>Ere Hellas burst her chains, is imaged there.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Yet one there was who came to her for gain,</p> + + <p class="i2">Ere yet the years of her despair were + run;</p> + + <p>And with harsh zeal defaced the ruined fane</p> + + <p class="i2">Full in the blazing light of Hellas' + sun.</p> + + <p>Spoiling my home with sacrilegious hand,</p> + + <p>He bore his captives to a foreign land.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Ilissus mourns his tutelary god,</p> + + <p class="i2">Theseus in some far city doth + recline:</p> + + <p>Lost is the Horse of Night that erstwhile trod</p> + + <p class="i2">My hall; the god-like shapes that once + were mine</p> + + <p>Call to me, "Mother save us ere we die,</p> + + <p>Far from thy arms beneath a sunless sky."</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>How shall I answer? for my arms are fain</p> + + <p class="i2">To clasp them fast upon the rock-bound + steep,</p> + + <p>Their ancient home. Shall Athens yearn in vain,</p> + + <p class="i2">And all in vain must woful Hellas + weep?</p> + + <p>Must the indignant shade of PHIDIAS mourn</p> + + <p>For his dear city, free but how forlorn?</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>How shall I answer? Nay, I turn to thee,</p> + + <p class="i2">England, and pray thee, from thy northern + throne</p> + + <p>Step down and hearken, give them back to me,</p> + + <p class="i2">O generous sister, give me back mine + own.</p> + + <p>Thy jewelled forehead needs no alien gem</p> + + <p>Torn from a hapless sister's diadem.</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + + <p>NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, + whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any + description, will in no case be returned, not even when + accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or + Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.</p> + <hr class="full" /> + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. +100., Jan. 31, 1891, by Various + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, JAN. 31, 1891 *** + +***** This file should be named 13067-h.htm or 13067-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/3/0/6/13067/ + +Produced by Malcolm Farmer, William Flis, and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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