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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/13049-0.txt b/13049-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a84ee2b --- /dev/null +++ b/13049-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,4479 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 13049 *** + +REVERIES OF A SCHOOLMASTER + +BY + +FRANCIS B. PEARSON + +STATE SUPERINTENDENT OF PUBLIC INSTRUCTION FOR OHIO + +AUTHOR OF "THE EVOLUTION OF THE TEACHER," "THE HIGH-SCHOOL +PROBLEM," "THE VITALIZED SCHOOL." + + + + + + + +CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS + +NEW YORK CHICAGO BOSTON + + + + +COPYRIGHT, 1917, BY + +CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS + + + + +CONTENTS + +CHAPTER + + I. IN MEDIAS RES + II. RETROSPECT + III. BROWN + IV. PSYCHOLOGICAL + V. BALKING + VI. LANTERNS + VII. COMPLETE LIVING + VIII. MY SPEECH + IX. SCHOOL-TEACHING + X. BEEFSTEAK + XI. FREEDOM + XII. THINGS + XIII. TARGETS + XIV. SINNERS + XV. HOEING POTATOES + XVI. CHANGING THE MIND + XVII. THE POINT OF VIEW + XVIII. PICNICS + XIX. MAKE-BELIEVE + XX. BEHAVIOR + XXI. FOREFINGERS + XXII. STORY-TELLING + XXIII. GRANDMOTHER + XXIV. MY WORLD + XXV. THIS OR THAT + XXVI. RABBIT PEDAGOGY + XXVII. PERSPECTIVE + XXVIII. PURELY PEDAGOGICAL + XXIX. LONGEVITY + XXX. FOUR-LEAF CLOVER + XXXI. MOUNTAIN-CLIMBING + + + + +REVERIES OF A SCHOOLMASTER + + + + +CHAPTER I + +IN MEDIAS RES + +I am rather glad now that I took a little dip (one could scarce call +it a baptism) into the Latin, and especially into Horace, for that +good soul gave me the expression _in medias res_. That is a forceful +expression, right to the heart of things, and applies equally well to +the writing of a composition or the eating of a watermelon. Those +who have crossed the Channel, from Folkstone to Boulogne, know that +the stanch little ship _Invicta_ had scarcely left dock when they +were _in medias res_. They were conscious of it, too, if indeed they +were conscious of anything not strictly personal to themselves. This +expression admits us at once to the light and warmth (if such there +be) of the inner temple nor keeps us shivering out in the vestibule. + +Writers of biography are wont to keep us waiting too long for +happenings that are really worth our while. They tell us that some +one was born at such a time, as if that were really important. Why, +anybody can be born, but it requires some years to determine whether +his being born was a matter of importance either to himself or to +others. When I write my biographical sketch of William Shakespeare I +shall say that in a certain year he wrote "Hamlet," which fact +clearly justified his being born so many years earlier. + +The good old lady said of her pastor: "He enters the pulpit, takes +his text, and then the dear man just goes everywhere preaching the +Gospel." That man had a special aptitude for the _in medias res_ +method of procedure. Many children in school who are not versed in +Latin would be glad to have their teachers endowed with this +aptitude. They are impatient of preliminaries, both in the school +and at the dinner-table. And it is pretty difficult to discover just +where childhood leaves off in this respect. + +So I am grateful to Horace for the expression. Having started right +in the midst of things, one can never get off the subject, and that +is a great comfort. Sometimes college graduates confess (or perhaps +boast) that they have forgotten their Latin. I fear to follow their +example lest my neighbor, who often drops in for a friendly chat, +might get to wondering whether I have not also forgotten much of the +English I am supposed to have acquired in college. He might regard +my English as quite as feeble when compared with Shakespeare or +Milton as my Latin when compared with Cicero or Virgil. So I take +counsel with prudence and keep silent on the subject of Latin. + +When I am taking a stroll in the woods, as I delight to do in the +autumn-time, laundering my soul with the gorgeous colors, the music +of the rustling leaves, the majestic silences, and the sounds that +are less and more than sounds, I often wonder, when I take one +bypath, what experiences I might have had if I had taken the other. +I'll never know, of course, but I keep on wondering. So it is with +this Latin. I wonder how much worse matters could or would have been +if I had never studied it at all. As the old man said to the young +fellow who consulted him as to getting married: "You'll be sorry if +you do, and sorry if you don't." I used to feel a sort of pity for +my pupils to think how they would have had no education at all if +they had not had me as their teacher; now I am beginning to wonder +how much further along they might have been if they had had some +other teacher. But probably most of the misfits in life are in the +imagination, after all. We all think the huckleberries are more +abundant on the other bush. + +Hoeing potatoes is a calm, serene, dignified, and philosophical +enterprise. But at bottom it is much the same in principle as +teaching school. In my potato-patch I am merely trying to create +situations that are favorable to growth, and in the school I can do +neither more nor better. I cannot cause either boys or potatoes to +grow. If I could, I'd certainly have the process patented. I know +no more about how potatoes grow than I do about the fourth dimension +or the unearned increment. But they grow in spite of my ignorance, +and I know that there are certain conditions in which they flourish. +So the best I can do is to make conditions favorable. Nor do I +bother about the weeds. I just centre my attention and my hoe upon +loosening the soil and let the weeds look out for themselves. Hoeing +potatoes is a synthetic process, but cutting weeds is analytic, and +synthesis is better, both for potatoes and for boys. In good time, +if the boy is kept growing, he will have outgrown his stone-bruises, +his chapped hands, his freckles, his warts, and his physical and +spiritual awkwardness. The weeds will have disappeared. + +The potato-patch is your true pedagogical laboratory and +conservatory. If one cannot learn pedagogy there it is no fault of +the potato-patch. Horace must have thought of _in medias res_ while +hoeing potatoes. There is no other way to do it, and that is +bed-rock pedagogy. Just to get right at the work and do it, that's +the very thing the teacher is striving toward. Here among my +potatoes I am actuated by motives, I invest the subject with human +interest, I experience motor activities, I react, I function, and I +go so far as to evaluate. Indeed, I run the entire gamut. And then, +when I am lying beneath the canopy of the wide-spreading tree, I do a +bit of research work in trying to locate the sorest muscle. And, as +to efficiency, well, I give myself a high grade in that and shall +pass _cum laude_ it the matter is left to me. If our grading were +based upon effort rather than achievement, I could bring my aching +back into court, if not my potatoes. But our system of grading in +the schools demands potatoes, no matter much how obtained, with scant +credit for backaches. + +We have farm ballads and farm arithmetics, but as yet no one has +written for us a book on farm pedagogy. I'd do it myself but for the +feeling that some Strayer, or McMurry, or O'Shea will get right at it +as soon as he has come upon this suggestion. That's my one great +trouble. The other fellow has the thing done before I can get around +to it. I would have written "The Message to Garcia," but Mr. Hubbard +anticipated me. Then, I was just ready to write a luminous +description of Yellowstone Falls when I happened upon the one that +DeWitt Talmage wrote, and I could see no reason for writing another. +So it is. I seem always to be just too late. I wish now that I had +written "Recessional" before Kipling got to it. No doubt, the same +thing will happen with my farm pedagogy. If one could only stake a +claim in all this matter of writing as they do in the mining regions, +the whole thing would be simplified. I'd stake my claim on farm +pedagogy and then go on hoeing my potatoes while thinking out what to +say on the subject. + +Whoever writes the book will do well to show how catching a boy is +analogous to catching a colt out in the pasture. Both feats require +tact and, at the very least, horse-sense. The other day I wanted to +catch my colt and went out to the pasture for that purpose. There is +a hill in the pasture, and I went to the top of this and saw the colt +at the far side of the pasture in what we call the swale--low, wet +ground, where weeds abound. I didn't want to get my shoes soiled, so +I stood on the hill and called and called. The colt looked up now +and then and then went on with his own affairs. In my chagrin I was +just about ready to get angry when it occurred to me that the colt +wasn't angry, and that I ought to show as good sense as a mere horse. +That reflection relieved the tension somewhat, and I thought it wise +to meditate a bit. Here am I; yonder is the colt. I want him; he +doesn't want me. He will not come to me; so I must go to him. Then, +what? Oh, yes, native interests--that's it, native interests. I'm +much obliged to Professor James for reminding me. Now, just what are +the native interests of a colt? Why, oats, of course. So, I must +return to the barn and get a pail of oats. An empty pail might do +once, but never again. So I must have oats in my pail. Either a +colt or a boy becomes shy after he has once been deceived. The boy +who fails to get oats in the classroom to-day, will shy off from the +teacher to-morrow. He will not even accept her statement that there +is oats in the pail, for yesterday the pail was empty--nothing but +sound. + +But even with pail and oats I had to go to the colt, getting my shoes +soiled and my clothes torn, but there was no other way. I must begin +where the colt (or boy) is, as the book on pedagogy says. I wanted +to stay on the hill where everything was agreeable, but that wouldn't +get the colt. Now, if Mr. Charles H. Judd cares to elaborate this +outline, I urge no objection and shall not claim the protection of +copyright. I shall be only too glad to have him make clear to all of +us the pedagogical recipe for catching colts and boys. + + + + +CHAPTER II + +RETROSPECT + +Mr. Patrick Henry was probably correct in saying that there is no way +of judging the future but by the past, and, to my thinking, he might +well have included the present along with the future. Today is +better or worse than yesterday or some other day in the past, just as +this cherry pie is better or worse than some past cherry pie. But +even this pie may seem a bit less glorious than the pies of the past, +because of my jaded appetite--a fact that is easily lost sight of. +Folks who extol the glories of the good old times may be forgetting +that they are not able to relive the emotions that put the zest into +those past events. We used to go to "big meeting" in a two-horse +sled, with the wagon-body half filled with hay and heaped high with +blankets and robes. The mercury might be low in the tube, but we +recked not of that. Our indifference to climatic conditions was not +due alone to the wealth of robes and blankets, but the proximity of +another member of the human family may have had something to do with +it. If we could reconstruct the emotional life of those good old +times, the physical conditions would take their rightful place as a +background. + +If we could only bring back the appetite of former years we might +find this pie better than the pies of old. The good brother who +seems to think the textbooks of his boyhood days were better than the +modern ones forgets that along with the old-time textbooks went +skating, rabbit-hunting, snowballing, coasting, fishing, sock-up, +bull-pen, two-old-cat, townball, and shinny-on-the-ice. He is +probably confusing those majors with the text-book minor. His +criticism of things and books modern is probably a voicing of his +regret that he has lost his zeal for the fun and frolic of youth. If +he could but drink a few copious drafts from the Fountain of Youth, +the books of the present might not seem so inferior after all. The +bread and apple-butter stage of our hero's career may seem to dim the +lustre of the later porterhouse steak, but with all the glory of the +halcyon days of yore it is to be noted that he rides in an automobile +and not in an ox-cart, and prefers electricity to the good old +oil-lamp. + +I concede with enthusiasm the joys of bygone days, and would be glad +to repeat those experiences with sundry very specific reservations +and exceptions. That thick bread with its generous anointing of +apple butter discounted all the nectar and ambrosia of the books and +left its marks upon the character as well as the features of the +recipient. The mouth waters even now as I recall the bill of fare +plus the appetite. But if I were going back to the good old days I'd +like to take some of the modern improvements along with me. It +thrills me to consider the modern school credits for home work with +all the "57 varieties" as an integral feature of the good old days. +Alas, how much we missed by not knowing about all this! What +miracles might have been wrought had we and our teachers only known! +Poor, ignorant teachers! Little did they dream that such wondrous +things could ever be. Life might have been made a glad, sweet song +for us had it been supplied with these modern attachments. I spent +many weary hours over partial payments in Ray's Third Part, when I +might have been brushing my teeth or combing my hair instead. Then, +instead of threading the mazes of Greene's Analysis and parsing +"Thanatopsis," I might just as well have been asleep in the haymow, +where ventilation was super-abundant. How proudly could I have +produced the home certificate as to my haymow experience and received +an exhilarating grade in grammar! + +Just here I interrupt myself to let the imagination follow me +homeward on the days when grades were issued. The triumphal +processions of the Romans would have been mild by comparison. The +arch look upon my face, the martial mien, and the flashing eye all +betoken the real hero. Then the pride of that home, the sumptuous +feast of chicken and angel-food cake, and the parental acclaim--all +befitting the stanch upholder of the family honor. Of course, +nothing like this ever really happened, which goes to prove that I +was born years too early in the world's history. The more I think of +this the more acute is my sympathy with Maud Muller. That girl and I +could sigh a duet thinking what might have been. Why, I might have +had my college degree while still wearing short trousers. I was +something of an adept at milking cows and could soon have eliminated +the entire algebra by the method of substitution. Milking the cows +was one of my regular tasks, anyhow, and I could thus have combined +business with pleasure. And if by riding a horse to water I could +have gained immunity from the _Commentaries_ by one Julius Caesar, +full lustily would I have shouted, _a la_ Richard III: "A horse! A +horse! My kingdom for a horse!" + +One man advocates the plan of promoting pupils in the schools on the +basis of character, and this plan strongly appeals to me as right, +plausible, and altogether feasible. Had this been proposed when I +was a schoolboy I probably should have made a few conditions, or at +least have asked a few questions. I should certainly have wanted to +know who was to be the judge in the matter, and what was his +definition of character. Much would have depended upon that. If he +had decreed that cruelty to animals indicates a lack of character and +then proceeded to denominate as cruelty to animals such innocent +diversions as shooting woodpeckers in a cherry-tree with a Flobert +rifle, or smoking chipmunks out from a hollow log, or tying a strip +of red flannel to a hen's tail to take her mind off the task of +trying to hatch a door-knob, or tying a tin can to a dog's tail to +encourage him in his laudable enterprise of demonstrating the +principle of uniformly accelerated motion--if he had included these +and other such like harmless antidotes for ennui in his category, I +should certainly have asked to be excused from his character +curriculum and should have pursued the even tenor of my ways, +splitting kindling, currying the horse, washing the buggy, carrying +water from the pump to the kitchen and saying, "Thank you," to my +elders as the more agreeable avenue of promotion. + +If we had had character credits in the good old days I might have won +distinction in school and been saved much embarrassment in later +years. Instead of learning the latitude and longitude of Madagascar, +Chattahoochee, and Kamchatka, I might have received high grades in +geography by abstaining from the chewing of gum, by not wearing my +hands in my trousers-pockets, by walking instead of ambling or +slouching, by wiping the mud from my shoes before entering the house, +by a personally conducted tour through the realms of manicuring, and +by learning the position and use of the hat-rack. Getting no school +credits for such incidental minors in the great scheme of life, I +grew careless and indifferent and acquired a reputation that I do not +care to dwell upon. If those who had me in charge, or thought they +had, had only been wise and given me school credits for all these +things, what a model boy I might have been! + +Why, I would have swallowed my pride, donned a kitchen apron, and +washed the supper dishes, and no normal boy enjoys that ceremony. By +making passes over the dishes I should have been exorcising the +spooks of cube root, and that would have been worth some personal +sacrifice. What a boon it would have been for the home folks too! +They could have indulged their penchant for literary exercises, +sitting in the parlor making out certificates for me to carry to my +teacher next day, and so all the rough places in the home would have +been made smooth. But the crowning achievement would have been my +graduation from college. I can see the picture. I am husking corn +in the lower field. To reach this field one must go the length of +the orchard and then walk across the meadow. It is a crisp autumn +day, about ten o'clock in the morning, and the sun is shining. The +golden ears are piling up under my magic skill, and there is peace. +As I take down another bundle from the shock I descry what seems to +be a sort of procession wending its way through the orchard. Then +the rail fence is surmounted, and the procession solemnly moves +across the meadow. In time the president and an assortment of +faculty members stand before me, bedight in caps and gowns. I note +that their gowns are liberally garnished with Spanish needles and +cockleburs, and their shoes give evidence of contact with elemental +mud. But then and there they confer upon me the degree of bachelor +of arts _magna cum laude_. But for this interruption I could have +finished husking that row before the dinner-horn blew. + + + + +CHAPTER III + +BROWN + +My neighbor came in again this evening, not for anything in +particular, but unconsciously proving that men are gregarious +animals. I like this neighbor. His name is Brown. I like the name +Brown, too. It is easy to pronounce. By a gentle crescendo you go +to the summit and then coast to the bottom. The name Brown, when +pronounced, is a circumflex accent. Now, if his name had happened to +be Moriarity I never could be quite sure when I came to the end in +pronouncing it. I'm glad his name is not Moriarity--not because it +is Irish, for I like the Irish; so does Brown, for he is married to +one of them. Any one who has been in Cork and heard the fine old +Irishman say in his musical and inimitable voice, "Tis a lovely dye," +such a one will ever after have a snug place in his affections for +the Irish, whether he has kissed the "Blarney stone" or not. If he +has heard this same driver of a jaunting-car rhapsodize about +"Shandon Bells" and the author, Father Prout, his admiration for +things and people Irish will become well-nigh a passion. He will not +need to add to his mental picture, for the sake of emphasis or color, +the cherry-cheeked maids who lead their mites of donkeys along leafy +roads, the carts heaped high with cabbages. Even without this +addition he will become expansive when he speaks of Ireland and the +Irish. + +But, as I was saying, Brown came in this evening just to barter small +talk, as we often do. Now, in physical build Brown is somewhere +between Falstaff and Cassius, while in mental qualities he is an +admixture of Plato, Solomon, and Bill Nye. + +When he drops in we do not discuss matters, nor even converse; we +talk. Our talk just oozes out and flows whither it wills, or little +wisps of talk drift into the silences, and now and then a dash of +homely philosophy splashes into the talking. Brown is a real +comfort. He is never cryptic, nor enigmatic, at least consciously +so, nor does he ever try to be impressive. If he were a teacher he +would attract his pupils by his good sense, his sincerity, his +simplicity, and his freedom from pose. I cannot think of him as ever +becoming teachery, with a high-pitched voice and a hysteric manner. +He has too much poise for that. He would never discuss things with +children. He would talk with them. Brown cannot walk on stilts, nor +has the air-ship the least fascination for him. + +One of my teachers for a time was Doctor T. C. Mendenhall, and he was +a great teacher. He could sound the very depths of his subject and +simply talk it. He led us to think, and thinking is not a noisy +process. Truth to tell, his talks often caused my poor head to ache +from overwork. But I have been in classes where the oases of thought +were far apart and one could doze and dream on the journey from one +to the other. Doctor Mendenhall's teaching was all white meat, sweet +to the taste, and altogether nourishing. He is the man who made the +first correct copy of Shakespeare's epitaph there in the church at +Stratford-on-Avon. I sent a copy of Doctor Mendenhall's version to +Mr. Brassinger, the librarian in the Memorial Building, and have +often wondered what his comment was. He never told me. There are +those "who, having eyes, see not." There had been thousands of +people who had looked at that epitaph with the printed copy in hand, +and yet had never noticed the discrepancy, and it remained for an +American to point out the mistake. But that is Doctor Mendenhall's +way. He is nothing if not thorough, and that proves his scientific +mind. + +Well, Brown fell to talking about the Isle of Pines, in the course of +our verbal exchanges, and I drew him out a bit, receiving a liberal +education on the subjects of grapefruit, pineapples, and bananas. +From my school-days I have carried over the notion that the Caribbean +Sea is one of the many geographical myths with which the +school-teacher is wont to intimidate boys who would far rather be +scaring rabbits out from under a brush heap. But here sits a man who +has travelled upon the Caribbean Sea, and therefore there must be +such a place. Our youthful fancies do get severe jolts! From my own +experience I infer that much of our teaching in the schools doesn't +take hold, that the boys and girls tolerate it but do not believe. I +cannot recall just when I first began to believe in Mt. Vesuvius, but +I am quite certain that it was not in my school-days. It may have +been in my teaching-days, but I'm not quite certain. I have often +wondered whether we teachers really believe all we try to teach. I +feel a pity for poor Sisyphus, poor fellow, rolling that stone to the +top of the hill, and then having to do the work all over when the +stone rolled to the bottom. But that is not much worse than trying +to teach Caribbean Sea and Mt. Vesuvius, if we can't really believe +in them. But here is Brown, metamorphosed into a psychologist who +begins with the known, yea, delightfully known grapefruit which I had +at breakfast, and takes me on a fascinating excursion till I arrive, +by alluring stages, at the related unknown, the Caribbean Sea. Too +bad that Brown isn't a teacher. + +Brown has the gift of holding on to a thing till his craving for +knowledge is satisfied. Somewhere he had come upon some question +touching a campanile or, possibly, _the_ Campanile, as it seemed to +him. Nor would he rest content until I had extracted what the books +have to say on the subject. He had in mind the Campanile at Venice, +not knowing that the one beside the Duomo at Florence is higher than +the one at Venice, and that the Leaning Tower at Pisa is a campanile, +or bell-tower, also. When I told him that one of my friends saw the +Campanile at Venice crumble to a heap of ruins on that Sunday morning +back in 1907, and that another friend had been of the last party to +go to the top of it the evening before, he became quite excited, and +then I knew that I had succeeded in investing the subject with human +interest, and I felt quite the schoolmaster. Nothing of this did I +mention to Brown, for there is no need to exploit the mental +machinery if only you get results. + +Many people who travel abroad buy postcards by the score, and seem to +feel that they are the original discoverers of the places which these +cards portray, and yet these very places were the background of much +of their history and geography in the schools. Can it be that their +teachers failed to invest these places with human interest, that they +were but words in a book and not real to them at all? Must I travel +all the way to Yellowstone Park to know a geyser? Alas! in that +case, many of us poor school-teachers must go through life +geyserless. Wondrous tales and oft heard I in my school-days of +glacier, iceberg, canyon, snow-covered mountain, grotto, causeway, +and volcano, but not till I came to Grindelwald did I really know +what a glacier is. There's many a Doubting Thomas in the schools. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +PSYCHOLOGICAL + +The psychologist is so insistent in proclaiming his doctrine of +negative self-feeling and positive self-feeling that one is impelled +to listen out of curiosity, if nothing else. Then, just as you are +beginning to get a little glimmering as to his meaning, another one +begins to assail your ears with a deal of sesquipedalian English +about the emotion of subjection and the emotion of elation. Just as +I began to think I was getting a grip of the thing a college chap +came in and proceeded to enlighten me by saying that these two +emotions may be generated only by personal relations, and not by +relations of persons and things. I was thinking of my emotion of +subjection in the presence of an original problem in geometry, but +this college person tells me that this negative self-feeling, +according to psychology, is experienced only in the presence of +another person. Well, I have had that experience, too. In fact, my +negative self-feeling is of frequent occurrence. Jacob must have had +a rather severe attack of the emotion of subjection when he was +trying to escape from the wrath of Esau. But, after his experience +at Bethel, where he received a blessing and a promise, there was a +shifting from the negative self-feeling to the positive--from the +emotion of subjection to that of elation. + +The stone which Jacob used that night as a pillow, so we are told, is +called the Stone of Scone, and is to be seen in the body of the +Coronation Chair in Westminster Abbey. The use of that stone as a +part of the chair might seem to be a psychological coincidence, +unless, indeed, we can conceive that the fabricators of the chair +combined a knowledge of psychology and also of the Bible in its +construction. It is an interesting conceit, at any rate, that the +stone might bring to kings and queens a blessing and a promise, as it +had done for Jacob, averting the emotion of subjection and +perpetuating the emotion of elation. + +Now, there's Hazzard, the big, glorious Hazzard. I met him first on +the deck of the S. S. _Campania_, and I gladly agreed to his proposal +that we travel together. He is a large man (one need not be more +specific) and a veritable steam-engine of activity and energy. It +was altogether natural, therefore, that he should assume the +leadership of our party of two in all matters touching places, modes +of travel, hotels, and other details large and small, while I trailed +along in his wake. This order continued for some days, and I, of +course, experienced all the while the emotion of subjection in some +degree. When we came to the Isle of Man we puzzled our heads no +little over the curious coat of arms of that quaint little country. +This coat of arms is three human legs, equidistant from one another. +At Peel we made numerous inquiries, and also at Ramsey, but to no +avail. In the evening, however, in the hotel at Douglas I saw a +picture of this coat of arms, accompanied by the inscription, +_Quocumque jeceris stabit_, and gave some sort of translation of it. +Then and there came my emancipation, for after that I was consulted +and deferred to during all the weeks we were together. It is quite +improbable that Hazzard himself realized any change in our relations, +but unconsciously paid that subtle tribute to my small knowledge of +Latin. When we came to Stratford I did not call upon Miss Marie +Corelli, for I had heard that she is quite averse to men as a class, +and I feared I might suffer an emotional collapse. I was so +comfortable in my newly acquainted emotion of elation that I decided +to run no risks. + +When at length I resumed my schoolmastering I determined to give the +boys and girls the benefit of my recent discovery. I saw that I must +generate in each one, if possible, the emotion of elation, that I +must so arrange school situations that mastery would become a habit +with them if they were to become "masters in the kingdom of life," as +my friend Long says it. I saw at once that the difficulties must be +made only high enough to incite them to effort, but not so high as to +cause discouragement. I recalled the sentence in Harvey's Grammar: +"Milo began to lift the ox when he was a calf." After we had +succeeded in locating the antecedent of "he" we learned from this +sentence a lesson of value, and I recalled this lesson in my efforts +to inculcate progressive mastery in the boys and girls of my school. +I sometimes deferred a difficult problem for a few days till they had +lifted the growing calf a few more times, and then returned to it. +Some one says that everything is infinitely high that we can't see +over, so I was careful to arrange the barriers just a bit lower than +the eye-line of my pupils, and then raise them a trifle on each +succeeding day. In this way I strove to generate the positive +self-feeling so that there should be no depression and no white flag. +And that surely was worth a trip to the Isle of Man, even if one +failed to see one of their tailless cats. + +I had occasion or, rather, I took occasion at one time to punish a +boy with a fair degree of severity (may the Lord forgive me), and +now. I know that in so doing I was guilty of a grave error. What I +interpreted as misconduct was but a straining at his leash in an +effort to extricate himself from the incubus of the negative +self-feeling. He was, and probably is, a dull fellow and realized +that he could not cope with the other boys in the school studies, and +so was but trying to win some notice in other fields of activity. To +him notoriety was preferable to obscurity. If I had only been wise I +would have turned his inclination to good account and might have +helped him to self-mastery, if not to the mastery of algebra. He +yearned for the emotion of elation, and I was trying to perpetuate +his emotion of subjection. If Methuselah had been a schoolmaster he +might have attained proficiency by the time he reached the age of +nine hundred and sixty-eight years if he had been a close observer, a +close student of methods, and had been willing and able to profit by +his own mistakes. + +Friend Virgil says something like this: "They can because they think +they can," and I heartily concur. Some one tells us that Kent in +"King Lear" got his name from the Anglo-Saxon word can and he was +aptly named, in view of Virgil's statement. But can I cause my boys +and girls to think they can? Why, most assuredly, if I am any sort +of teacher. Otherwise I ought to be dealing with inanimate things +and leave the school work to those who can. I certainly can help +young folks to shift from the emotion of subjection to the emotion of +elation. I had a puppy that we called Nick and thought I'd like to +teach him to go up-stairs. When he came to the first stair he cried +and cowered and said, in his language, that it was too high, and that +he could never do it. So, in a soothing way, I quoted Virgil at him +and placed his front paws upon the step. Then he laughed a bit and +said the step wasn't as high as the moon, after all. So I patted him +and called him a brave little chap, and he gained the higher level. +Then we rested for a bit and spent the time in being glad, for Nick +and I had read our "Pollyanna" and had learned the trick of gladness. +Well, before the day was over that puppy could go up the stairs +without the aid of a teacher, and a gladder dog never was. If I had +taken as much pains with that boy as I did with Nick I'd feel far +more comfortable right now, and the boy would have felt more +comfortable both then and after. O schoolmastering! How many sins +are committed in thy name! I succeeded with the puppy, but failed +with the boy. A boy does not go to school to study algebra, but +studies algebra to learn mastery. I know this now, but did not know +it then, more's the pity! + +I had another valuable lesson in this phase of pedagogy the day my +friend Vance and I sojourned to Indianapolis to call upon Mr. +Benjamin Harrison, who had somewhat recently completed his term as +President of the United States. We were fortified with ample and +satisfactory credentials and had a very fortunate introduction; but +for all that we were inclined to walk softly into the presence of +greatness, and had a somewhat acute attack of negative self-feeling. +However, after due exchange of civilities, we succeeded somehow in +preferring the request that had brought us into his presence, and Mr. +Harrison's reply served to reassure us. Said he: "Oh, no, boys, I +couldn't do that; last year I promised Bok to write some articles for +his journal, and I didn't have any fun all summer." His two words, +"boys" and "fun," were the magic ones that caused the tension to +relax and generated the emotion of elation. We then sat back in our +chairs and, possibly, crossed our legs--I can't be certain as to +that. At any rate, in a single sentence this man had made us his +co-ordinates and caused the negative self-feeling to vanish. Then +for a good half-hour he talked in a familiar way about great affairs, +and in a style that charmed. He told us of a call he had the day +before from David Starr. Jordan, who came to report his experience +as a member of the commission that had been appointed to adjudicate +the controversy between the United States and England touching +seal-fishing in the Behring Sea. It may be recalled that this +commission consisted of two Americans, two Englishmen, and King Oscar +of Sweden. Mr. Harrison told us quite frankly that he felt a mistake +had been made in making up the commission, for, with two Americans +and two Englishmen on the commission, the sole arbiter in reality was +King Oscar, since the other four were reduced to the plane of mere +advocates; but, had there been three Americans and two Englishmen, or +two Americans and three Englishmen, the function of all would have +been clearly judicial. Suffice it to say that this great man made us +forget our emotion of subjection, and so made us feel that he would +have been a great teacher, just as he was a great statesman. I shall +always be grateful for the lesson he taught me and, besides, I am +glad that the college chap came in and gave me that psychological +massage. + + + + +CHAPTER V + +BALKING + +When I write my book on farm pedagogy I shall certainly make large +use of the horse in illustrating the fundamental principles, for he +is a noble animal and altogether worthy of the fullest recognition. +We often use the expression "horse-sense" somewhat flippantly, but I +have often seen a driver who would have been a more useful member of +society if he had had as much sense as the horses he was driving. If +I were making a catalogue of the "lower animals" I'd certainly +include the man who abuses a horse. Why, the celebrated German +trick-horse, Hans, had even the psychologists baffled for a long +time, but finally he taught them a big chapter in psychology. They +finally discovered that his marvellous tricks were accomplished +through the power of close observation. Facial expression, twitching +of a muscle, movements of the head, these were the things he watched +for as his cue in answering questions by indicating the right card. +There was a teacher in our school once who wore old-fashioned +spectacles. When he wanted us to answer a question in a certain way +he unconsciously looked over his spectacles; but when he wanted a +different answer he raised his spectacles to his forehead. So we +ranked high in our daily grades, but met our Waterloo when the +examination came around. That teacher, of course, had never heard of +the horse Hans, and so was not aware that in the process of watching +his movements we were merely proving that we had horse-sense. He +probably attributed our ready answers to the superiority of his +teaching, not realizing that our minds were concentrated upon the +subject of spectacles. + +Of course, a horse balks now and then, and so does a boy. I did a +bit of balking myself as a boy, and I am not quite certain that I +have even yet become immune. Doctor James Wallace (whose edition of +"Anabasis" some of us have read, halting and stumbling along through +the parasangs) with three companions went out to Marathon one day +from Athens. The distance, as I recall it, is about twenty-two +miles, and they left early in the morning, so as to return the same +day. Their conveyance was an open wagon with two horses attached. +When they had gone a mile or two out of town one of the horses balked +and refused to proceed. Then and there each member of the party drew +upon his past experiences, seeking a panacea for the equine +delinquency. One suggested the plan of building a fire under the +recalcitrant horse, while another suggested pouring sand into his +ears. Doctor Wallace discouraged these remedies as being cruel and +finally told the others to take their places in the wagon and he +would try the merits of a plan he had in mind. Accordingly, when +they were seated, he clambered over the dash, walked along the +wagon-pole, and suddenly plumped himself down upon the horse's back. +Then away they went, John Gilpin like, Doctor Wallace's coat-tails +and hair streaming out behind. + +There was no more balking in the course of the trip, and no one +(save, possibly, the horse) had any twinges of conscience to keep him +awake that night. The incident is brimful of pedagogy in that it +shows that, in order to cure a horse of an attack of balking, you +have but to distract his mind from his balking and get him to +thinking of something else. Before this occurrence taught me the +better way, I was quite prone, in dealing with a balking boy, to hold +his mind upon the subject of balking. I told him how unseemly it +was, how humiliated his father and mother would be, how he could not +grow up to be a useful citizen if he yielded to such tantrums; in +short, I ran the gamut of all the pedagogical bromides, and so kept +his mind centred upon balking. Now that I have learned better, I +strive to divert his mind to something eke, and may ask him to go +upon some pleasant errand that he may gain some new experiences. +When he returns he has forgotten that he was balking and recounts his +experiences most delightfully. + +Ed was one of the balkiest boys I ever had in my school. His attacks +would often last for days, and the more attention you paid to him the +worse he balked. In the midst of one of these violent and prolonged +attacks a lady came to school who, in the kindness of her generous +nature, was proposing to give a boy Joe (now a city alderman) a +Christmas present of a new hat. She came to invoke my aid in trying +to discover the size of Joe's head. I readily undertook the task, +which loomed larger and larger as I came fully to realize that I was +the sole member of the committee of ways and means. In my dire +perplexity I saw Ed grouching along the hall. Calling him to one +side, I explained to the last detail the whole case, and confessed +that I did not know how to proceed. At once his face brightened, and +he readily agreed to make the discovery for me; and in half an hour I +had the information I needed and Ed's face was luminous. Yes, Joe +got the hat and Ed quit balking. If Doctor Wallace had not gone to +Marathon that day I can scarcely imagine what might have happened to +Ed; and Joe might not have received a new hat. + +I have often wondered whether a horse has a sense of humor. I know a +boy has, and I very strongly suspect that the horse has. It was one +of my tasks in boyhood to take the horses down to the creek for +water. Among others we had a roan two-year-old colt that we called +Dick, and even yet I think of him as quite capable of laughter at +some of his own mischievous pranks. One day I took him to water, +dispensing with the formalities of a bridle, and riding him down +through the orchard with no other habiliments than a rope halter. In +the orchard were several trees of the bellflower variety, whose +branches sagged near to the ground. Dick was going along very +decorously and sedately, as if he were studying the golden text or +something equally absorbing, when, all at once, some spirit of +mischief seemed to possess him and away he bolted, willy-nilly, right +under the low-hanging branches of one of those trees. Of course, I +was raked fore and aft, and, while I did not imitate the example of +Absalom, I afforded a fairly good imitation, with the difference +that, through many trials and tribulations, I finally reached the +ground. Needless to say that I was a good deal of a wreck, with my +clothing much torn and my hands and face not only much torn but also +bleeding. After relieving himself of his burden, Dick meandered on +down to the creek in leisurely fashion, where I came upon him in due +time enjoying a lunch of grass. + +Walking toward the creek, sore in body and spirit, I fully made up my +mind to have a talk with that colt that he would not soon forget. He +had put shame upon me, and I determined to tell him so. But when I +came upon him looking so lamblike in his innocence, and when I +imagined that I heard him chuckle at my plight, my resolution +evaporated, and I realized that in a trial of wits he had got the +better of me. Moreover, I conceded right there that he had a right +to laugh, and especially when he saw me so superlatively scrambled. +He had beaten me on my own ground and convicted me of knowing less +than a horse, so I could but yield the palm to him with what grace I +could command. Many a time since that day have I been unhorsed, and +by a mere boy who laughed at my discomfiture. But I learned my +lesson from Dick and have always tried, though grimly, to applaud the +victor in the tournament of wits. Only so could I hold the respect +of the boy, not to mention my own. If a boy sets a trap for me and I +walk into it, well, if he doesn't laugh at me he isn't much of a boy; +and if I can't laugh with him I am not much of a schoolmaster. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +LANTERNS + +I may be mistaken, but my impression is that "The Light of the +World," by Holman Hunt, is the only celebrated picture in the world +of which there are two originals. One of these may be seen at Oxford +and the other in St. Paul's, London. Neither is a copy of the other, +and yet they are both alike, so far as one may judge without having +them side by side. The picture represents Christ standing at a door +knocking, with a lantern in one hand from which light is streaming. +When I think of a lantern the mind instantly flashes to this picture, +to Diogenes and his lantern, and to the old tin lantern with its +perforated cylinder which I used to carry out to the barn to arrange +the bed-chambers for the horses. All my life have I been hearing +folks speak of the association of ideas as if one idea could conjure +up innumerable others. The lantern that I carried to the barn never +could have been associated with Diogenes if I had not read of the +philosopher, nor with the picture at Oxford if I had never seen or +heard of it. In order that we have association of ideas, we must +first have the ideas, according to my way of thinking. + +Thus it chanced that when I came upon some reference to Holman Hunt +and his great masterpiece, my mind glanced over to the cynical +philosopher and his lantern. The more I ponder over that lantern the +more puzzled I become as to its real significance. The popular +notion is that it is meant to show how difficult it was in his day to +find an honest man. But popular conceptions are sometimes +superficial ones, and if Diogenes was the philosopher we take him to +have been there must have been more to that lantern than the mere +eccentricity of the man who carried it. If we could go back of the +lantern we might find the cynic's definition of honesty, and that +would be worth knowing. Back home we used to say that an honest man +is one who pays his debts and has due respect for property rights. +Perhaps Diogenes had gone more deeply into the matter of paying debts +as a mark of honesty than those who go no further in their thinking +than the grocer, the butcher, and the tax-man. + +This all tends to set me thinking of my own debts and the possibility +of full payment. I'm just a schoolmaster and people rather expect me +to be somewhat visionary or even fantastic in my notions. But, with +due allowance for my vagaries, I cannot rid myself of the feeling +that I am deeply in debt to somebody for the Venus de Milo. She has +the reputation of being the very acme of sculpture, and certainly the +Parisians so regard her or they would not pay her such a high tribute +in the way of space and position. She is the focus of that whole +wonderful gallery. No one has ever had the boldness to give her a +place in the market quotations, but I can regale myself with her +beauty for a mere pittance. This pittance does not at all cancel my +indebtedness, and I come away feeling that I still owe something to +somebody, without in the least knowing who it is or how I am to pay. +I can't even have the poor satisfaction of making proper +acknowledgment to the sculptor. + +I can acknowledge my obligation to Michael Angelo for the Sistine +ceiling, but that doesn't cancel my indebtedness by any means. It +took me fifteen years to find the Cumaean Sibyl. I had seen a +reproduction of this lady in some book, and had become much +interested in her generous physique, her brawny arms, her +wide-spreading toes, and her look of concentration as she delves into +the mysteries of the massive volume before her. Naturally I became +curious as to the original, and wondered if I should ever meet her +face to face. Then one day I was lying on my back on a wooden bench +in the Sistine Chapel, having duly apologized for my violation of the +conventions, when, wonder of wonders, there was the Cumaean Sibyl in +full glory right before my eyes, and the quest of all those years was +ended in triumph. True, the Sibyl does not compare in greatness with +the "Creation of Adam" in one of the central panels, but for all that +I was glad to have her definitely localized. + +I have never got it clearly figured out just how the letters of the +alphabet were evolved, nor who did the work, but I go right on using +them as if I had evolved them myself. They seem to be my own +personal property, and I jostle them about quite careless of the fact +that some one gave them to me. I can't see how I could get on +without them, and yet I have never admitted any obligation to their +author. The same is true of the digits. I make constant use of +them, and sometimes even abuse them, as if I had a clear title to +them. I have often wondered who worked out the table of logarithms, +and have thought how much more agreeable life has been for many +people because of his work. I know my own debt to him is large, and +I dare say many others have a like feeling. Even the eighth-grade +boys in the Castle Road school, London, share this feeling, +doubtless, for in a test in arithmetic that I saw there I noted that +in four of the twelve problems set for solution they had permission +to use their table of logarithms. They probably got home earlier for +supper by their use of this table. + +I hereby make my humble apologies to Mr. Thomas A. Edison for my +thoughtlessness in not writing to him before this to thank him for +his many acts of kindness to me. I have been exceedingly careless in +the matter. I owe him for the comfort and convenience of this +beautiful electric light, and yet have never mentioned the matter to +him. He has a right to think me an ingrate. I have been so busy +enjoying the gifts he has sent me that I have been negligent of the +giver. As I think of all my debts to scientists, inventors, artists, +poets, and statesmen, and consider how impossible it is for me to pay +all my debts to all these, try as I may, I begin to see how difficult +it was for Diogenes to find a man who paid all his debts in full. +Hence, the lantern. + +It seems to me that, of the varieties of late potatoes the Carmen is +the premier. Part of the charm of hoeing potatoes lies in +anticipating the joys of the potato properly baked. Charles Lamb may +write of his roast pig, and the epicures among the ancients may +expatiate upon the glories of a dish of peacock's tongues and their +other rare and costly edibles, but they probably never knew to what +heights one may ascend in the scale of gastronomic joys in the +immediate presence of a baked Carmen. When it is broken open the +steam ascends like incense from an altar, while at the magic touch +the snowy, flaky substance billows forth upon the plate in a drift +that would inspire the pen of a poet. The further preliminaries +amount to a ceremony. There can be, there must be no haste. The +whole summer lies back of this moment. There on the plate are weeks +of golden sunshine, interwoven with the singing of birds and the +fragrance of flowers; and it were sacrilege to become hurried at the +consummation. When the meat has been made fine the salt and pepper +are applied, deliberately, daintily, and then comes the butter, like +the golden glow of sunset upon a bank of flaky clouds. The artist +tries in vain to rival this blending of colors and shades. But the +supreme moment and the climax come when the feast is glorified and +set apart by its baptism of cream. At such a moment the sense of my +indebtedness to the man who developed the Carmen becomes most acute. +If the leaders of contending armies could sit together at this table +and join in this gracious ceremony, their rancor and enmity would +cease, the protocol would be signed, and there would ensue a +proclamation of peace. Then the whole world would recognize its debt +to the man who produced this potato. + +Having eaten the peace-producing potato, I feel strengthened to make +another trial at an interpretation of that lantern. I do not know +whether Diogenes had any acquaintance with the Decalogue, but have my +doubts. In fact, history gives us too few data concerning his +attainments for a clear exposition of his character. But one may +hazard a guess that he was looking for a man who would not steal, but +could not find him. In a sense that was a high compliment to the +people of his day, for there is a sort of stealing that takes rank +among the fine arts. In fact, stealing is the greatest subject that +is taught in the school. I cannot recall a teacher who did not +encourage me to strive for mastery in this art. Every one of them +applauded my every success in this line. One of my early triumphs +was reciting "Horatius at the Bridge," and my teacher almost +smothered me with praise. I simply took what Macaulay had written +and made it my own. I had some difficulty in making off with the +conjugation of the Greek verb, but the more I took of it the more my +teacher seemed pleased. All along the line I have been encouraged to +appropriate what others have produced and to take joy in my +pilfering. Mr. Carnegie has lent his sanction to this sort of thing +by fostering libraries. Shakespeare was arrested for stealing a +deer, but extolled for stealing the plots of "Romeo and Juliet," +"Comedy of Errors," and others of his plays. It seems quite all +right to steal ideas, or even thoughts, and this may account again +for the old man's lantern. But, even so, it would seem quite +iconoclastic to say that education is the process of reminding people +of their debts and of training them to steal. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +COMPLETE LIVING + +In my quiet way I have been making inquiries among my acquaintances +for a long time, trying to find out what education really is. As a +schoolmaster I must try to make it appear that I know. In fact, I am +quite a Sir Oracle on the subject of education in my school. But, in +the quiet of my den, after the day's work is done, I often long for +some one to come in and tell me just what it is. I am fairly +conversant with the multiplication table and can distinguish between +active and passive verbs, but even with these attainments I somehow +feel that I have not gone to the extreme limits of the meaning of +education. In reality, I don't know what it is or what it is for. I +do wish that the man who says in his book that education is a +preparation for complete living would come into this room right now, +sit down in that chair, and tell me, man to man, what complete living +is. I want to know and think I have a right to know. Besides, he +has no right to withhold this information from me. He had no right +to get me all stirred up with his definition, and then go away and +leave me dangling in the air. If he were here I'd ask him a few +pointed questions. I'd ask him to tell me just how the fact that +seven times nine is sixty-three is connected up with complete living. +I'd want him to explain, too, what the binomial theorem has to do +with complete living, and also the dative of reference. I got the +notion, when I was struggling with that binomial theorem, that it +would ultimately lead on to fame or fortune; but it hasn't done +either, so far as I can make out. + +There was a time when I could solve an equation of three unknown +quantities, and could even jimmy a quantity out from under a radical +sign, and had the feeling that I was quite a fellow. Then one day I +went into a bookstore to buy a book. I had quite enough money to pay +for one, and had somehow got the notion that a boy of my attainments +ought to have a book. But, in the presence of the blond chap behind +the counter, I was quite abashed, for I did not in the least know +what book I wanted. I knew it wasn't a Bible, for we had one at +home, but further than that I could not go. Now, if knowing how to +buy a book is a part of complete living, then, in that blond +presence, I was hopelessly adrift. I had been taught that gambling +is wrong, but there was a situation where I had to take a chance or +show the white feather. Of course, I took the chance and was +relieved of my money by a blond who may or may not have been able to +solve radicals. I shall not give the title of the book I drew in +that lottery, for this is neither the time nor the place for +confessions. + +I was a book-agent for one summer, but am trying to live it down. +Hoping to sell a copy of the book whose glowing description I had +memorized, I called at the home of a wealthy farmer. The house was +spacious and embowered in beautiful trees and shrubbery. There was a +noble driveway that led up from the country road, and everything +betokened great prosperity. Once inside the house, I took a survey +of the fittings and could see at once that the farmer had lavished +money upon the home to make it distinctive in the neighborhood as a +suitable background for his wife and daughters. The piano alone must +have cost a small fortune, and it was but one of the many instruments +to be seen. There were carpets, rugs, and curtains in great +profusion, and a bewildering array of all sorts of bric-a-brac. In +time the father asked one of the daughters to play, and she responded +with rather unbecoming alacrity. What she played I shall never know, +but it seemed to me to be a five-finger exercise. Whatever it was, +it was not music. I lost interest at once and so had time to make a +more critical inspection of the decorations. What I saw was a battle +royal. There was the utmost lack of harmony. The rugs fought the +carpets, and both were at the throats of the curtains. Then the +wall-paper joined in the fray, and the din and confusion was torture +to the spirit. Even the furniture caught the spirit of discord and +made fierce attacks upon everything else in the room. The reds, and +yellows, and blues, and greens whirled and swirled about in such a +dizzy and belligerent fashion that I wondered how the people ever +managed to escape nervous prostration. But the daughter went right +on with the five-finger exercise as if nothing else were happening. +I shall certainly cite this case when the man comes in to explain +what he means by complete living. + +This all reminds me of the man of wealth who thought it incumbent +upon him to give his neighbors some benefit of his money in the way +of pleasure. So he went to Europe and bought a great quantity of +marble statuary and had the pieces placed in the spacious grounds +about his home. When the opening day came there ensued much +suppressed tittering and, now and then, an uncontrollable guffaw. +Diana, Venus, Vulcan, Apollo, Jove, and Mercury had evidently +stumbled into a convention of nymphs, satyrs, fairies, sprites, +furies, harpies, gargoyles, giants, pygmies, muses, and fates. The +result was bedlam. Parenthetically, I have often wondered how much +money it cost that man to make the discovery that he was not a +connoisseur of art, and also what process of education might have +fitted him for a wise expenditure of all that money. + +So I go on wondering what education is, and nobody seems quite +willing to tell me. I bought some wall-paper once, and when it had +been hung there was so much laughter at my taste, or lack of it, +that, in my chagrin, I selected another pattern to cover up the +evidence of my ignorance. But that is expensive, and a schoolmaster +can ill afford such luxurious ignorance. People were unkind enough +to say that the bare wall would have been preferable to my first +selection of paper, I was made conscious that complete living was +impossible so long as that paper was visible. But even when the +original had been covered up I looked at the wall suspiciously to see +whether it would show through as a sort of subdued accusation against +me. I don't pretend to know whether taste in the selection of +wall-paper is inherent or acquired. If it can be acquired, then I +wonder, again, just how cube root helps it along. + +I don't know what education is, but I do know that it is expensive. +I had some pictures in my den that seemed well enough till I came to +look at some others, and then they seemed cheap and inadequate. I +tried to argue myself out of this feeling, but did not succeed. As a +result, the old pictures have been supplanted by new ones, and I am +poorer in consequence. But, in spite of my depleted purse, I take +much pleasure in my new possessions and feel that they are +indications of progress. I wonder, though, how long it will be till +I shall want still other and better ones. Education may be a good +thing, but it does increase and multiply one's wants. Then, in a +brief time, these wants become needs, and there you have perpetual +motion. When the agent came to me first to try to get me interested +in an encyclopaedia I could scarce refrain from smiling. But later +on I began to want an encyclopaedia, and now the one I have ranks as +a household necessity the same as bathtub, coffee-pot, and +tooth-brush. + +But, try as I may, I can't clearly distinguish between wants and +needs. I see a thing that I want, and the very next day I begin to +wonder how I can possibly get on without it. This must surely be the +psychology of show-windows and show-cases. If I didn't see the +article I should feel no want of it, of course. But as soon as I see +it I begin to want it, and then I think I need it. The county fair +is a great psychological institution, because it causes people to +want things and then to think they need them. The worst of it is the +less able I am to buy a thing the more I want it and seem to need it. +I'd like to have money enough to make an experiment on myself just to +see if I could ever reach the point, as did the Caliph, where the +only want I'd have would be a want. Possibly, that's what the man +means by complete living. I wonder. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +MY SPEECH + +For some time I have had it in mind to make a speech. I don't know +what I would say nor where I could possibly find an audience, but, in +spite of all that, I feel that I'd like to try myself out on a +speech. I can't trace this feeling back to its source. It may have +started when I heard a good speech, somewhere, or, it may have +started when I heard a poor one. I can't recall. When I hear a good +speech I feel that I'd like to do as well; and, when I hear a poor +one, I feel that I'd like to do better. The only thing that is +settled, as yet, about this speech that I want to make is the +subject, and even that is not my own. It is just near enough my own, +however, to obviate the use of quotation-marks. The hardest part of +the task of writing or speaking is to gain credit for what some one +else has said or written, and still be able to omit quotation-marks. +That calls for both mental and ethical dexterity of a high order. + +But to the speech. The subject is Dialectic Efficiency--without +quotation-marks, be it noted. The way of it is this: I have been +reading, or, rather, trying to read the masterly book by Doctor +Fletcher Durell, whose title is "Fundamental Sources of Efficiency." +This is one of the most recondite books that has come from the press +in a generation, and it is no reflection upon the book for me to say +that I have been trying to read it. It is so big, so deep, so high, +and so wide that I can only splash around in it a bit. But "the +water's fine." At any rate, I have been dipping into this book quite +a little, and that is how I came upon the caption of my speech. Of +course, I get the word "efficiency" from the title of the book, and, +besides, everybody uses that word nowadays. Then, the author of this +book has a chapter on "Dialectic," and so I combine these two words +and thus get rid of the quotation-marks. + +And that certainly is an imposing subject for a speech. If it should +ever be printed on a programme, it would prove awe-inspiring. Next +to making a good speech, I'd like to be skilled in sleight-of-hand +affairs. I'd like to fish up a rabbit from the depths of an old +gentleman's silk tile, or extract a dozen eggs from a lady's +hand-bag, or transmute a canary into a goldfish. I'd like to see the +looks of wonder on the faces of the audience and hear them gasp. The +difficulty with such a subject as I have chosen, though, is to fill +the frame. I went into a shop in Paris once to make some small +purchase, expecting to find a great emporium, but, to my surprise, +found that all the goods were in the show-window. That's one trouble +with my subject--all the goods seem to be in the show-window. But, +I'll do the best I can with it, even if I am compelled to pilfer from +the pages of the book. + +In the introduction of the speech I shall become expansive upon the +term _Dialectic_, and try to impress my hearers (if there are any) +with my thorough acquaintance with all things which the term +suggests. If I continue expatiating upon the word long enough they +may come to think that I actually coined the word, for I shall not +emphasize Doctor Durell especially--just enough to keep my soul +untarnished. In a review of this book one man translates the first +word "luck." I don't like his word and for two reasons: In the first +place, it is a short word, and everybody knows that long words are +better for speechmaking purposes. If he had used the word +"accidental" or "incidental" I'd think more of his translation and of +his review. I'm going to use my word as if Doctor Durell had said +_Incidental_. + +So much for the introduction; now for the speech. From this point +forward I shall draw largely upon the book but shall so turn and +twist what the doctor says as to make it seem my own. With something +of a flourish, I shall tell how in the year 1856 a young chemist, +named Perkin, while trying to produce quinine synthetically, hit upon +the process of producing aniline dyes. His incidental discovery led +to the establishment of the artificial-dye industry, and we have here +an example of dialectic efficiency. This must impress my intelligent +and cultured auditors, and they will be wondering if I can produce +another illustration equally good. I can, of course, for this book +is rich in illustrations. I can see, as it were, the old fellow on +the third seat, who has been sitting there as stiff and straight as a +ramrod, limber up just a mite, and with my next point I hope to +induce him to lean forward an inch, at least, out of the +perpendicular. + +Then I shall proceed to recount to them how Christopher Columbus, in +an effort to circumnavigate the globe and reach the eastern coast of +Asia, failed in this undertaking, but made a far greater achievement +in the discovery of America. If, at this point, the old man is +leaning forward two or three inches instead of one, I may ask, in +dramatic style, where we should all be to-day if Columbus had reached +Asia instead of America--in other words, if this principle of +dialectic efficiency had not been in full force. Just here, to give +opportunity for possible applause, I shall take the handkerchief from +my pocket with much deliberation, unfold it carefully, and wipe my +face and forehead as an evidence that dispensing second-hand thoughts +is a sweat-producing process. + +Then, in a sort of sublimated frenzy, I shall fairly deluge them with +illustrations, telling how the establishment of rural mail-routes led +to improved roads and these, in turn, to consolidated schools and +better conditions of living in the country; how the potato-beetle, +which seems at first to be a scourge, was really a blessing in +disguise in that it set farmers to studying improved methods +resulting in largely increased crops, and how the scale has done a +like service for fruit-growers; how a friend of mine was drilling for +oil and found water instead, and now has an artesian well that +supplies water in great abundance, and how one Mr. Hellriegel, back +in 1886, made the incidental discovery that leguminous plants fixate +nitrogen, and, hence, our fields of clover, alfalfa, cow-peas, and +soybeans. + +It will not seem out of place if I recall to them how the Revolution +gave us Washington, the Adamses, Hancock, Madison, Franklin, +Jefferson, and Hamilton; how slavery gave us Clay, Calhoun, and +Webster; and how the Civil War gave us Lincoln, Seward, Stanton, +Grant, Lee, Sherman, Sheridan, and "Stonewall" Jackson. If there +should, by chance, be any teachers present I'll probably enlarge upon +this historical phase of the subject if I can think of any other +illustrations. I shall certainly emphasize the fact that the +incidental phases of school work may prove to be more important than +the objects directly aimed at, that while the teacher is striving to +inculcate a knowledge of arithmetic she may be inculcating manhood +and womanhood, and that the by-products of her teaching may become +world-wide influences. + +As a peroration, I shall expand upon the subject of pleasure as an +incidental of work--showing how the mere pleasure-seeker never finds +what he is seeking, but that the man who works is the one who finds +pleasure. I think I shall be able to find some apt quotation from +Emerson before the time for the speech comes around. If so, I shall +use it so as to take their minds off the fact that I am taking the +speech from Doctor Durell's book. + + + + +CHAPTER IX + +SCHOOL-TEACHING + +The first school that I ever tried to teach was, indeed, fearfully +and wonderfully taught. The teaching was of the sort that might well +be called elemental. If there was any pedagogy connected with the +work, it was purely accidental. I was not conscious either of its +presence or its absence, and so deserve neither praise nor censure. +I had one pupil who was nine years my senior, and I did not even know +that he was retarded. I recall quite distinctly that he had a +luxuriant crop of chin-whiskers but even these did not disturb the +procedure of that school. We accepted him as he was, whiskers +included, and went on our complacent way. He was blind in one eye +and somewhat deaf, but no one ever thought of him as abnormal or +subnormal. Even if we had known these words we should have been too +polite to apply them to him. In fact, we had no black-list, of any +sort, in that school. I have never been able to determine whether +the absence of such a list was due to ignorance, or innocence, or +both. So long as he found the school an agreeable place in which to +spend the winter, and did not interfere with the work of others, I +could see no good reason why he should not be there and get what he +could from the lessons in spelling, geography, and arithmetic. I do +not mention grammar for that was quite beyond him. The agreement of +subject and verb was one of life's great mysteries to him. So I +permitted him to browse around in such pastures as seemed finite to +him, and let the infinite grammar go by default so far as he was +concerned. + +I have but the most meagre acquaintance with the pedagogical dicta of +the books--a mere bowing acquaintance--but, at that time, I had not +even been introduced to any of these. But, as the saying goes, "The +Lord takes care of fools and children," and, so, somehow, by sheer +blind luck, I instinctively veered away from the Procrustean bed +idea, and found some work for my bewhiskered disciple that connected +with his native dispositions. Had any one told me I was doing any +such things I think I should, probably, have asked him how to spell +the words he was using. I only knew that this man-child was there +yearning for knowledge, and I was glad to share my meagre store of +crumbs with him. His gratitude for my small gifts was really +pathetic, and right there I learned the joys of the teacher. That +man sought me out on our way home from school and asked questions +that would have puzzled Socrates, but forgot my ignorance of hard +questions in his joy at my answers of easy ones. When some light +would break in upon him he cavorted about me like a glad dog, and +became a second Columbus, discovering a new world. + +I almost lose patience with myself, at times, when I catch myself +preening my feathers before some pedagogical mirror, as if I were +getting ready to appear in public as an accredited schoolmaster. At +such a time, I long to go back to the country road and saunter along +beside some pupil, either with or without whiskers, and give him of +my little store without rules or frills and with no pomp or parade. +In that little school at the crossroads we never made any preparation +for some possible visitor who might come in to survey us or apply +some efficiency test, or give us a rating either as individuals or as +a school. We were too busy and happy for that. We kept right on at +our work with our doors and our hearts wide open for every good thing +that came our way, whether knowledge or people. As I have said, our +work was elemental. + +I am glad I came across this little book of William James, "On Some +of Life's Ideals," for it takes me back, inferentially, to that +elemental school, especially in this paragraph which says: "Life is +always worth living, if one have such responsive sensibilities. But +we of the highly educated classes (so-called) have most of us got +far, far away from Nature. We are trained to seek the choice, the +rare, the exquisite exclusively and to overlook the common. We are +stuffed with abstract conceptions, and glib with verbalities and +verbosities; and in the culture of these higher functions the +peculiar sources of joy connected with our simpler functions often +dry up, and we grow stone-blind and insensible to life's more +elementary and general goods and joys." + +I wish I might go home from school one evening by way of the top of +Mt. Vesuvius, another by way of Mt. Rigi, and, another, by way of +Lauterbrunnen. Then the next evening I should like to spend an hour +or two along the borders of Yellowstone Canyon, and the next, watch +an eruption or two of Old Faithful geyser. Then, on still another +evening, I'd like to ride for two hours on top of a bus in London. +I'd like to have these experiences as an antidote for emptiness. It +would prepare me far better for to-morrow work than pondering +Johnny's defections, or his grades, whether high or low, or marking +silly papers with marks that are still sillier. I like Walt Whitman +because he was such a sublime loafer. His loafing gave him time to +grow big inside, and so, he had big elemental thoughts that were good +for him and good for me when I think them over after him. + +If I should ever get a position in a normal school I'd want to give a +course in William J. Locke's "The Beloved Vagabond," so as to give +the young folks a conception of big elemental teaching. If I were +giving a course in ethics, I'd probably select another book, but, in +pedagogy, I'd certainly include that one. I'd lose some students, to +be sure, for some of them would be shocked; but a person who is not +big enough to profit by reading that book never ought to teach +school--I mean for the school's sake. If we could only lose the +consciousness of the fact that we are schoolmasters for a few hours +each day, it would be a great help to us and to our boys and girls. + +I am quite partial to the "Madonna of the Chair," and wish I might +visit the Pitti Gallery frequently just to gaze at her. She is so +wholesome and gives one the feeling that a big soul looks out through +her eyes. She would be a superb teacher. She would fill the school +with her presence and still do it all unconsciously. The centre of +the room would be where she happened to be. She would never be +mistaken for one of the pupils. Her pupils would learn arithmetic +but the arithmetic would be laden with her big spirit, and that would +be better for them than the arithmetic could possibly be. If I had +to be a woman I'd want to be such as this Madonna--serene, majestic, +and big-souled. + +I have often wondered whether bigness of soul can be cultivated, and +my optimism inclines to a vote in the affirmative. I spent a part of +one summer in the pine woods far away from the haunts of men. When I +had to leave this sylvan retreat it required eleven hours by stage to +reach the railway-station. There for some weeks I lived in a log +cabin, accompanied by a cook and a professional woodsman. I was not +there to camp, to fish, or to loaf, and yet I did all these. There +were some duties and work connected with the enterprise and these +gave zest to the fishing and the loafing. Giant trees, space, and +sky were my most intimate associates, and they told me only of big +things. They had never a word to say of styles of clothing or +becoming shades of neckwear or hosiery. In all that time I was never +disturbed by the number and diversity of spoons and forks beside my +plate at the dinner-table. Many a noble meal I ate as I sat upon a +log supported in forked stakes, and many a big thought did I glean +from the talk of loggers about me in their picturesque costumes. In +the evening I sat upon a great log in front of the cabin or a +friendly stump, and forgot such things as hammocks and porch-swings. +Instead of gazing at street-lamps only a few yards away I was gazing +at stars millions of miles away, and, somehow, the soul seemed to +gain freedom. + +And I had luxury, too. I had a room with bath. The bath was at the +stream some fifty yards away, but such discrepancies are minor +affairs in the midst of such big elemental things as were all about +me. My mattress was of young cherry shoots, and never did king have +a more royal bed, or ever such refreshing sleep. And, while I slept, +I grew inside, for the soft music of the pines lulled me to rest, and +the subdued rippling of my bath-stream seemed to wash my soul clean. +When I arose I had no bad taste in my mouth or in my soul, and each +morning had for me the glory of a resurrection. My trees were there +to bid me good morning, the big spaces spoke to me in their own +inspiriting language, and the big sun, playing hide-and-seek among +the great boles of the trees as he mounted from the horizon, gave me +a panorama unrivalled among the scenes of earth. + +When I returned to what men called civilization, I experienced a +poignant longing for my big trees, my sky, and my spaces, and felt +that I had exchanged them for many things that are petty and futile. +If my school were only out in the heart of that big forest, I feel +that my work would be more effective and that I would not have to +potter about among little things to obey the whims of convention and +the dictates of technicalities, but that the soul would be free to +revel in the truth that sky and space proclaim. I do hope I may +never know so much about technical pedagogy that I shall not know +anything else. This may be what those people mean who speak of the +"revolt of the ego." + + + + +CHAPTER X + +BEEFSTEAK + +I am just now quite in the mood to join the band; I mean the +vocational-education band. The excitement has carried me off my +feet. I can't endure the looks of suspicion or pity that I see on +the faces of my colleagues. They stare at me as if I were wearing a +tie or a hat or a coat that is a bit below standard. I want to seem, +if not be, modern and up-to-date, and not odd and peculiar. So I +shall join the band. I am not caring much whether I beat the drum, +carry the flag, or lead the trick-bear. I may even ride in the +gaudily painted wagon behind a spotted pony and call out in raucous +tones to all and sundry to hurry around to the main tent to get their +education before the rush. In times past, when these vocational +folks have piped unto me I have not danced; but I now see the error +of my ways and shall proceed at once to take dancing lessons. When +these folks lead in the millennium I want to be sitting well up in +front; and when they get the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow I +want to participate in the distribution. I do hope, though, that I +may not exhaust my resources on the band and have none left for the +boys and girls. I hope I may not imitate Mark Twain's steamboat that +stopped dead still when the whistle blew, because blowing the whistle +required all the steam. + +I suspect that, like the Irishman, I shall have to wear my new boots +awhile before I can get them on, for this new role is certain to +entail many changes in my plans and in my ways of doing things. I +can see that it will be a wrench for me to think of the boys and +girls as pedagogical specimens and not persons. I have contracted +the habit of thinking of them as persons, and it will not be easy to +come to thinking of them as mere objects to practise on. The folks +in the hospital speak of their patients as "cases," but I'd rather +keep aloof from the hospital plan in my schoolmastering. But, being +a member of the band, I suppose that I'll feel it my duty to conform +and do my utmost to help prove that our cult has discovered the great +and universal panacea, the balm in Gilead. + +As a member of the band, in good and regular standing, I shall find +myself saying that the school should have the boys and girls pursue +such studies as will fit them for their life-work. This has a +pleasing sound. Now, if I can only find out, somehow, what the +life-work of each one of my pupils is to be, I'll be all right, and +shall proceed to fit each one out with his belongings. I have asked +them to tell me what their life-work is to be, but they tell me they +do not know. So I suspect that I must visit all their parents in +order to get this information. Until I get this information I cannot +begin on my course of study. If their parents cannot tell me I +hardly know what I shall do, unless I have recourse to their maiden +aunts. They ought to know. But if they decline to tell I must begin +on a long series of guesses, unless, in the meantime, I am endowed +with omniscience. + +This whole plan fascinates me; I dote upon it. It is so pliable, so +dreamy, and so opalescent that I can scarce restrain my enthusiasm. +But if I should fit one of my boys out with the equipment necessary +for a blacksmith, and then he should become a preacher, I'd find the +situation embarrassing. My reputation as a prophet would certainly +decline. If I could know that this boy is looking forward to the +ministry as his life-work, the matter would be simple. I'd proceed +to fit him out with a fire-proof suit of Greek, Hebrew, and theology +and have the thing done. But even then some of my colleagues might +protest on the assumption that Greek and Hebrew are not vocational +studies. The preacher might assert that they are vocational for his +work, in which case I'd find myself in the midst of an argument. I +know a young man who is a student in a college of medicine. He is +paying his way by means of his music. He both plays and sings, and +can thus pay his bills. In the college he studies chemistry, +anatomy, and the like. I'm trying to figure out whether or not, in +his case, either his music or his chemistry is vocational. + +I have been perusing the city directory to find out how many and what +vocations there are, that I may plan my course of study accordingly +when I discover what the life-work of each of my pupils is to be. If +I find that one boy expects to be an undertaker he ought to take the +dead languages, of course. If another boy expects to be a jockey he +might take these same languages with the aid of a "pony." If a girl +decides upon marriage as her vocation, I'll have her take home +economics, of course, but shall have difficulty in deciding upon her +other studies. If I omit Latin, history, and algebra, she may +reproach me later on because of these omissions. She may find that +such studies as these are essential to success in the vocation of +wife and mother. She may have a boy of her own who will invoke her +aid in his quest for the value of x, and a mother hesitates to enter +a plea of ignorance to her own child. + +I can fit out the dancing-master easily enough, but am not so certain +about the barber, the chauffeur, and the aviator. The aviator would +give me no end of trouble, especially if I should deem it necessary +to teach him by the laboratory method. Then, again, if one boy +decides to become a pharmacist, I may find it necessary to attend +night classes in this subject myself in order to meet the situation +with a fair degree of complacency. Nor do I see my way clear in +providing for the steeple-climber, the equilibrist, the railroad +president, or the tea-taster. I'll probably have my troubles, too, +with the novel-writer, the poet, the politician, and the bareback +rider. But I must manage somehow if I hope to retain my membership +in the band. + +I see that I shall have to serve quite an apprenticeship in the band +before I write my treatise on the subject of pedagogical +predestination. The world needs that essay, and I must get around to +it just as soon as possible. Of course, that will be a great step +beyond the present plan of finding out what a boy expects to do, and +then teaching him accordingly. My predestination plan contemplates +the process of arranging such a course of study for him as will make +him what we want him to be. A naturalist tells me that when a queen +bee dies the swarm set to work making another queen by feeding one of +the common working bees some queen stuff. He failed to tell me just +what this queen stuff is. That process of producing a queen bee is +what gave me the notion as to my treatise. If the parents want their +boy to become a lawyer I shall feed him lawyer stuff; if a preacher, +then preacher stuff, and so on. + +This will necessitate a deal of research work, for I shall have to go +back into history, first of all, to find out the course of study that +produced Newton, Humboldt, Darwin, Shakespeare, Dante, Edison, Clara +Barton, and the rest of them. If a roast-beef diet is responsible +for Shakespeare, surely we ought to produce another Shakespeare, +considering the excellence of the cattle we raise. I can easily +discover the constituent elements of the beef pudding of which Samuel +Johnson was so fond by writing to the old Cheshire Cheese in London. +Of course, this plan of mine seems not to take into account the +Lord's work to any large extent. But that seems to be the way of us +vocationalists. We seem to think we can do certain things in spite +of what the Lord has or has not done. + +The one danger that I foresee in all this work that I have planned is +that it may produce overstimulation. Some one was telling me that +the trees on the Embankment there in London are dying of arboreal +insomnia. The light of the sun keeps them awake all day, and the +electric lights keep them awake all night. So the poor things are +dying from lack of sleep. Macbeth had some trouble of that sort, +too, as I recall it. I'm going to hold on to the vocational +stimulation unless I find it is producing pedagogical insomnia. Then +I'll resign from the band and take a long nap. I'll continue to +advocate pudding, pastry, and pie until I find that they are not +producing the sort of men and women the world needs, and then I'll +beat an inglorious retreat and again espouse the cause of orthodox +beefsteak. + + + + +CHAPTER XI + +FREEDOM + +I have often wondered what conjunction of the stars caused me to +become a schoolmaster, if, indeed, the stars, lucky or otherwise, had +anything to do with it. It may have been the salary that lured me, +for thirty-five dollars a month bulks large on a boy's horizon. +Possibly the fact that in those days there was no anteroom to the +teaching business may have been the deciding factor. One had but to +exchange his hickory shirt for a white one, and the trick was done. +There was not even a fence between the corn-field and the +schoolhouse. I might just as easily have been a preacher but for the +barrier in the shape of a theological seminary, or a hod-carrier but +for the barrier of learning how. As it was, I could draw my pay for +husking corn on Saturday night, and begin accumulating salary as a +schoolmaster on Monday. The plan was simplicity itself, and that may +account for my choice of a vocation. + +I have sometimes tried to imagine myself a preacher, but with poor +success. The sermon would bother me no little, to make no mention of +the other functions. I think I never could get through with a +marriage ceremony, and at a christening I'd be on nettles all the +while, fearing the baby would cry and thus disturb the solemnity of +the occasion and of the preacher. I'd want to take the baby into my +own arms and have a romp with him--and so would forget about the +baptizing. In casting about for a possible text for this impossible +preacher, I have found only one that I think I might do something +with. Hence, my preaching would endure but a single week, and even +at that we'd have to have a song service on Sunday evening in lieu of +a sermon. + +My one text would be: "Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall +make you free." I do not know how big truth is, but it must be quite +extensive if science, mathematics, history, and literature are but +small parts of it. I have never explored these parts very far +inland, but they seem to my limited gaze to extend a long distance +before me; and when I get to thinking that each of these is but a +part of something that is called truth I begin to feel that truth is +a pretty large affair. I suspect the text means that the more of +this truth we know the greater freedom we have. My friend Brown has +an automobile, and sometimes he takes me out riding. On one of these +occasions we had a puncture, with the usual attendant circumstances. +While Brown made the needful repairs, I sat upon the grassy bank. +The passers-by probably regarded me as a lazy chap who disdained work +of all sorts, and perhaps thought of me as enjoying myself while +Brown did the work. In this they were grossly mistaken, for Brown +was having the good time, while I was bored and uncomfortable. Why, +Brown actually whistled as he repaired that puncture. He had freedom +because he knew which tool to use, where to find it, and how to use +it. But there I sat in ignorance and thraldom--not knowing the truth +about the tools or the processes. + +In the presence of that episode I felt like one in a foreign country +who is ignorant of the language, while Brown was the concierge who +understands many languages. He knew the truth and so had freedom. I +have often wondered whether men do not sometimes get drunk to win a +respite from the thraldom and boredom of their ignorance of the +truth. It must be a very trying experience not to understand the +language that is spoken all about one. I have something of that +feeling when I go into a drug-store and find myself in complete +ignorance of the contents of the bottles because I cannot read the +labels. I have no freedom because I do not know the truth. The +dapper clerk who takes down one bottle after another with refreshing +freedom relegates me to the kindergarten, and I certainly feel and +act the part. + +I had this same feeling, too, when I was making ready to sow my +little field with alfalfa. I wanted to have alfalfa growing in the +field next to the road for my own pleasure and for the pleasure of +the passers-by. A field of alfalfa is an ornament to any landscape, +and I like to have my landscapes ornamental, even if I must pay for +it in terms of manual toil. I had never even seen alfalfa seed and +did not in the least know how to proceed in preparing the soil. If I +ever expected to have any freedom I must first learn the truth, and a +certain modicum of freedom necessarily precedes the joy of alfalfa. + +Thus it came to pass that I set about learning the truth. I had to +learn about the nature of the soil, about drainage, about the right +kinds of fertilizer, and all that, before I could even hitch the team +to a plough. Some of this truth I gleaned from books and magazines, +but more of it I obtained from my neighbor John, who lives about two +hundred yards up the pike from my little place. John is a veritable +encyclopedia of truth when it comes to the subject of alfalfa. There +I would sit at the feet of this alfalfa Gamaliel. Be it said in +favor of my reactions that I learned the trick of alfalfa and now +have a field that is a delight to the eye. And I now feel qualified +to give lessons in alfalfa culture to all and sundry, so great is my +sense of freedom. + +I came upon a forlorn-looking woman once in a large railway-station +who was in great distress. She wanted to get a train, but did not +know through which gate to go nor where to obtain the necessary +information. She was overburdened with luggage and a little girl was +tugging at her dress and crying pitifully. That woman was as really +in bondage as if she had been in prison looking out through the +barred windows. When she had finally been piloted to the train the +joy of freedom manifested itself in every lineament of her face. She +had come to know the truth, and the truth had set her free. + +I know how she felt, for one night I worked for more than two hours +on what, to me, was a difficult problem, and when at last I had it +solved the manifestations of joy caused consternation to the family +and damage to the furniture. I never was in jail for any length of +time, but I think I know, from my experience with that problem, just +how a prisoner feels when he is set free. The big out-of-doors must +seem inexpressibly good to him. My neighbor John taught me how to +spray my trees, and now, when I walk through my orchard and see the +smooth trunks and pick the beautiful, smooth, perfect apples, I feel +that sense of freedom that can come only through a knowledge of the +truth. + +I haven't looked up the etymology of _grippe_, but the word itself +seems to tell its own story. It seems to mean restriction, +subjection, slavery. It certainly spells lack of freedom. I have +seen many boys and girls who seemed afflicted with arithmetical, +grammatical, and geographical grippe, and I have sought to free them +from its tyranny and lead them forth into the sunlight and pure air +of freedom. If I only knew just how to do this effectively I think +I'd be quite reconciled to the work of a schoolmaster. + + + + +CHAPTER XII + +THINGS + +I keep resolving and resolving to reform and lead the simple life, +but something always happens that prevents the execution of my plans. +When I am grubbing out willows along the ravine, the grubbing-hoe, a +lunch-basket well filled, and a jug of water from the deep well up +there under the trees seem to be the sum total of the necessary +appliances for a life of usefulness and contentment. There is a +friendly maple-tree near the scene of the grubbing activities, and an +hour at noon beneath that tree with free access to the basket and the +jug seems to meet the utmost demands of life. The grass is +luxuriant, the shade is all-embracing, and the willows can wait. So, +what additions can possibly be needed? I lie there in the shade, my +hunger and thirst abundantly satisfied, and contemplate the results +of my forenoon's toil with the very acme of satisfaction. There is +now a large, clear space where this morning there was a jungle of +willows. The willows have been grubbed out _imis sedibus_, as our +friend Virgil would say it, and not merely chopped off; and the +thoroughness of the work gives emphasis to the satisfaction. + +The overalls, the heavy shoes, and the sunshade hat all belong in the +picture. But the entire wardrobe costs less than the hat I wear on +Sunday. Then the comfort of these inexpensive habiliments! I need +not be fastidious in such a garb, but can loll on the grass without +compunction. When I get mud upon my big shoes I simply scrape it off +with a chip, and that's all there is to it. The dirt on my overalls +is honest dirt, and honestly come by, and so needs no apology. I can +talk to my neighbor John of the big things of life and feel no shame +because of overalls. + +Then, in the evening, when resting from my toil, I sit out under the +leafy canopy and revel in the sounds that can be heard only in the +country--the croaking of the frogs, the soft twittering of the birds +somewhere near, yet out of sight, the cosey crooning of the chickens +as they settle upon their perches for the night, and the lonely +hooting of the owl somewhere in the big tree down in the pasture. I +need not move from my seat nor barter my money for a concert in some +majestic hall ablaze with lights when such music as this may be had +for the listening. Under the magic of such music the body relaxes +and the soul expands. The soft breezes caress the brow, and the moon +makes shimmering patterns on the grass. + +But when I return to the town to resume my school-mastering, then the +strain begins, and then the reign of complexities is renewed. When I +am fully garbed in my town clothing I find myself the possessor of +nineteen pockets. What they are all for is more than I can make out. +If I had them all in use I'd have to have a detective along with me +to help me find things. Out there on the farm two pockets quite +suffice, but in the town I must have seventeen more. The difference +between town and country seems to be about the difference between +grubbing willows and schoolmastering. Among the willows I find two +pockets are all I require; but among the children I must needs have +nineteen, whether I have anything in them or not. + +One of these seems to be designed for a college degree; another is an +efficiency pocket; another a discipline pocket; another a pocket for +methods; another for professional spirit; another for loyalty to all +the folks who are in need of loyalty, and so on. I really do not +know all the labels. When I was examined for a license to teach they +counted my pockets, and, finding I had the requisite nineteen, they +bestowed upon me the coveted document with something approaching +_eclat_. In my teaching I become so bewildered ransacking these +pockets, trying to find something that will bear some resemblance to +the label, that I come near forgetting the boys and girls. But they +are very nice and polite about it, and seem to feel sorry that I must +look after all my pockets when I'd so much rather be teaching. + +Out in the willow thicket I can go right on with my work without so +much care or perplexity. Why, I don't need to do any talking out +there, and so have time to do some thinking. But here I do so much +talking that neither I nor my pupils have any chance for thinking. I +know it is not the right way, but, somehow, I keep on doing it. I +think it must be a bad habit, but I don't do it when I am grubbing +willows. I seem to get to the bottom of things out there without +talking, and I can't make out why I don't do the same here in the +school. Out there I do things; in here I say things. I do wonder if +there is any forgiveness for a schoolmaster who uses so many words +and gets such meagre results. + +And then the words I use here are such ponderous things. They are +not the sort of human, flesh-and-blood words that I use when talking +to neighbor John as we sit on top of the rail fence. These all seem +so like words in a book, as if I had rehearsed them in advance. It +may be just the town atmosphere, but, whatever it is, I do wish I +could talk to these children about decimals in the same sort of words +that I use when I am talking with John. He seems to understand me, +and I think they could. + +Possibly it is just the tension of town life. I know that I seem to +get keyed up as soon as I come into the town. There are so many +things here, and many of them are so artificial that I seem unable to +relax as I do out there where there are just frogs, and moon, and +chickens, and cows. When I am here I seem to have a sort of craze +for things. The shop-windows are full of things, and I seem to want +all of them. I know I have no use for them, and yet I get them. My +neighbor Brown bought a percolator, and within a week I had one. I +had gone on for years without a percolator, not even knowing about +such a thing, but no sooner had Brown bought one than every sound I +heard seemed to be inquiring: "What is home without a percolator?" + +So I go on accumulating things, and my den is a veritable medley of +things. They don't make me any happier, and they are a great bother. +There are fifty-seven things right here in my den, and I don't need +more than six or seven of them. There are twenty-two pictures, large +and small, in this room, but I couldn't have named five of them had I +not just counted them. Why I have them is beyond my comprehension. +I inveigh against the mania of people for drugs and narcotics, but my +mania for things only differs in kind from theirs. I have a little +book called "Things of the Mind," and I like to read it. Now, if my +mind only had as many things in it as my den, I'd be a far more +agreeable associate for Brown and my neighbor John. Or, if I were as +careful about getting things for my mind as I am in accumulating +useless bric-a-brac, it would be far more to my credit. + +If the germs that are lurking in and about these fifty-seven things +should suddenly become as large as spiders, I'd certainly be the +unhappy possessor of a flourishing menagerie, and I think my progress +toward the simple life would be very promptly hastened. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + +TARGETS + +In my work as a schoolmaster I find it well to keep my mind open and +not get to thinking that my way is the only way, or even the best +way. I think I learn more from my boys and girls than they learn +from me, and so long as I can keep an open mind I am certain to get +some valuable lessons from them. I got to telling the college chap +about a hen that taught me a good lesson, and the first thing I knew +I was going to school to this college youth, and he was enlightening +me on the subject of animal psychology, and especially upon the +trial-and-error theory. That set me wondering how many trials and +errors that hen made before she finally succeeded in surmounting that +fence. At any rate, the hen taught me another lesson besides the +lesson of perseverance. + +I have a high wire fence enclosing the chicken-yard, and in order to +make steady the posts to which the gate is attached, I joined them at +the top by nailing a board across. The hen that taught me the lesson +must be both ambitious and athletic, for time after time have I found +her outside the chicken-yard. I searched diligently for the place of +exit, but could not find it. So, in desperation, I determined one +morning to discover how that hen gained her freedom if it took all +day. So I found a comfortable seat and waited. In an hour or so the +hen came out into the open and took a survey of the situation. Then, +presently, with skill born of experience, she sidled this way and +that, advanced a little and then retreated until she found the exact +location she sought, poised herself for a moment, and went sailing +right over the board that connected the posts. Having made this +discovery, I removed the board and used wire instead, and thus +reduced the hen to the plane of obedience. + +Just as soon as the hen lacked something to aim at, she could not get +over the wire barrier, and she taught me the importance of giving my +pupils something to aim at. I like my boys and girls, and believe +they are just as smart as any hen that ever was, and that, if I'll +only supply things for them to aim at, they will go high and far. +Every time I see that hen I am the subject of diverse emotions. I +feel half angry at myself for being so dull that a mere hen can teach +me, and then I feel glad that she taught me such a useful lesson. +Before learning this lesson I seemed to expect my pupils to take all +their school work on faith, to do it because I told them it would be +good for them. But I now see there is a better way. In my boyhood +days we always went to the county fair, and that was one of the real +events of the year. On the morning of that day there was no occasion +for any one to call me a second time. I was out of bed in a trice, +at the first call, and soon had my chores done ready for the start. +I had money in my pocket, too, for visions of pink lemonade, peanuts, +ice-cream, candy, and colored balloons had lured me on from +achievement to achievement through the preceding weeks, and thrift +had claimed me for its own. So I had money because, all the while, I +had been aiming at the county fair. + +We used to lay out corn ground with a single-shovel plough, and took +great pride in marking out a straight furrow across the field. There +was one man in the neighborhood who was the champion in this art, and +I wondered how he could do it. So I set about watching him to try to +learn his art. At either end of the field he had a stake several +feet high, bedecked at the top with a white rag. This he planted at +the proper distance from the preceding furrow and, in going across +the field, kept his gaze fixed upon the white rag that topped the +stake. With a firm grip upon the plough, and his eyes riveted upon +the white signal, he moved across the field in a perfectly straight +line. I had thought it the right way to keep my eyes fixed upon the +plough until his practice showed me that I had pursued the wrong +course. My furrows were crooked and zigzag, while his were straight. +I now see that his skill came from his having something to aim at. + +I am trying to profit by the example of that farmer in my teaching. +I'm all the while in quest of stakes and white rags to place at the +other side of the field to direct the progress of the lads and lasses +in a straight course, and raise their eyes away from the plough that +they happen to be using. I want to keep them thinking of things that +are bigger and further along than grades. The grades will come as a +matter of course, if they can keep their eyes on the object across +the field. I want them to be too big to work for mere grades. We +never give prizes in our school, especially money prizes. It would +seem rather a cheap enterprise to my fine boys and girls to get a +piece of money for committing to memory the "Gettysburg Speech." We +respect ourselves and Lincoln too much for that. It would grieve me +to know that one of my girls could be hired to read a book for an +hour in the evening to a sick neighbor. I want her to have her pay +in a better and more enduring medium than that. I'd hope she would +aim at something higher than that. + +If I can arrange the white rag, I know the pupils will do the work. +There was Jim, for example, who said to his father that he just +couldn't do his arithmetic, and wished he'd never have to go to +school another day. When his father told me about it I began at once +to hunt for a white rag. And I found it, too. We can generally find +what we are looking for, if we look in dead earnest. Well, the next +morning there was Jim in the arithmetic class along with Tom and +Charley. I explained the absence of Harry by telling them about his +falling on the ice the night before and breaking his right arm. I +told them how he could get on well enough with his other studies, but +would have trouble with his arithmetic because he couldn't use his +arm. Now, Tom and Charley are quick in arithmetic, and I asked Tom +to go over to Harry's after school and help with the arithmetic, and +Charley to go over the next day, and Jim the third day. Now, anybody +can see that white rag fluttering at the top of the stake across the +field two days ahead. So, my work was done, and I went on with my +daily duties. Tom reported the next day, and his report made our +mouths water as he told of the good things that Harry's mother had +set out for them to eat. The report of Charley the next day was +equally alluring. Then Jim reported, and on his day that good mother +had evidently reached the climax in culinary affairs. Jim's eyes and +face shone as if he had been communing with the supernals. + +That was the last I ever heard of Jim's trouble with arithmetic. His +father was eager to know how the change had been brought about, and I +explained on the score of the angel-food cake and ice-cream he had +had over at Harry's, with no slight mention of my glorious white rag. +The books, I believe, call this social co-operation, or something +like that, but I care little what they call it so long as Jim's all +right. And he is all right. Why, there isn't money enough in the +bank to have brought that look to Jim's face when he reported that +morning, and any offer to pay him for his help to Harry, either in +money or school credits, would have seemed an insult. My neighbor +John tells me many things about sheep and the way to drive them. He +says when he is driving twenty sheep along the road he doesn't bother +about the two who frisk back to the rear of the flock so long as he +keeps the other eighteen going along. He says those two will join +the others, all in good time. That helped me with those three boys. +I knew that Tom and Charley would go along all right, so asked them +to go over to Harry's before I mentioned the matter to Jim. When I +did ask him he came leaping and frisking into the flock as if he were +afraid we might overlook him. What a beautiful straight furrow he +ploughed, too. His arithmetic work now must make the angels smile. +I shall certainly mention sheep, the hen, and the white rag in my +book on farm pedagogy. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + +SINNERS + +I take unction to myself, sometimes, in the reflection that I have a +soul to save, and in certain moments of uplift it seems to me to be +worth saving. Some folks probably call me a sinner, if not a +dreadful sinner, and I admit the fact without controversy. I do not +have at hand a list of the cardinal sins, but I suspect I might prove +an alibi as to some of them. I don't get drunk; I don't swear; I go +to church; and I contribute, mildly, to charity. But, for all that, +I'm free to confess myself a sinner. Yet, I still don't know what +sin is, or what is the way of salvation either for myself or for my +pupils. I grope around all the while trying to find this way. At +times, I think they may find salvation while they are finding the +value of _x_ in an algebraic equation, and possibly this is true. I +cannot tell. If they fail to find the value of _x_, I fall to +wondering whether they have sinned or the teacher that they cannot +find _x_. + +I have attended revivals in my time, and have had good from them. In +their pure and rarefied atmosphere I find myself in a state of +exaltation. But I find myself in need of a continuous revival to +keep me at my best. So, in my school work, I feel that I must be a +revivalist or my pupils will sag back, just as I do. I find that the +revival of yesterday will not suffice for to-day. Like the folks of +old, I must gather a fresh supply of manna each day. Stale manna is +not wholesome. I suspect that one of my many sins is my laziness in +the matter of manna. I found the value of _x_ in the problem +yesterday, and so am inclined to rest to-day and celebrate the +victory. If I had to classify myself, I'd say that I am an +intermittent. I eat manna one day, and then want to fast for a day +or so. I suspect that's what folks mean by a besetting sin. + +During my fasting I find myself talking almost fluently about my +skill and industry as a gatherer of manna, I suspect I am trying to +make myself believe that I'm working in the manna field to-day, by +keeping my mind on my achievement yesterday. That's another sin to +my discredit, and another occasion for a revival. When I am fasting +I do the most talking about how busy I am. If I were harvesting +manna I'd not have time for so much talk. I should not need to tell +how busy I am, for folks could see for themselves. I have tried to +analyze this talk of mine about being so busy just to see whether I +am trying to deceive myself or my neighbors. I fell to talking about +this the other day to my neighbor John, and detected a faint smile on +his face which I interpreted to be a query as to what I have to show +for all my supposed industry. Well, I changed the subject. That +smile on John's face made me think of revivals. + +I read Henderson's novel, "John Percyfield," and enjoyed it so much +that when I came upon his other book, "Education and the Larger +Life," I bought and read it. But it has given me much discomfort. +In that book he says that it is immoral for any one to do less than +his best. I can scarcely think of that statement without feeling +that I ought to be sent to jail. I'm actually burdened with +immorality, and find myself all the while between the "devil and the +deep sea," the "devil" of work, and the "deep sea" of immorality. I +suppose that's why I talk so much about being busy, trying to free +myself from the charge of immorality. I think it was Virgil who said +_Facilis descensus Averno_, and I suppose Mr. Henderson, in his +statement, is trying to save me from the inconveniences of this trip. +I suppose I ought to be grateful to him for the hint, but I just +can't get any great comfort in such a close situation. + +I know I must work or go hungry, and I can stand a certain amount of +fasting, but to be stamped as immoral because I am fasting rather +hurts my pride. I'd much rather have my going hungry accounted a +virtue, and receive praise and bouquets. When I am in a lounging +mood it isn't any fun to have some Henderson come along and tell me +that I am in need of a revival. A copy of "Baedeker" in hand, I have +gone through a gallery of statues but did not find a sinner in the +entire company. The originals may have been sinners, but not these +marble statues. That is some comfort. To be a sinner one must be +animate at the very least. I'd rather be a sinner, even, than a +mummy or a statue. St. Paul wrote to Timothy: "I have fought a good +fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith." There was +nothing of the mummy or the statue in him. He was just a +straight-away sinful man, and a glorious sinner he was. + +I like to think of Titian and Michael Angelo. When their work was +done and they stood upon the summit of their achievements they were +up so high that all they had to do was to step right into heaven, +without any long journey. Tennyson did the same. In his poem, +"Crossing the Bar," he filled all the space, and so he had to cross +over into heaven to get more room. And Riley's "Old Aunt Mary" was +another one. She had been working out her salvation making jelly, +and jam, and marmalade, and just beaming goodness upon those boys so +that they had no more doubts about goodness than they had of the +peach preserves they were eating. Why, there just had to be a heaven +for old Aunt Mary. She gathered manna every day, and had some for +the boys, too, but never said a word about being busy. + +When I was reading the _Georgics_ with my boys, we came upon the word +_bufo_ (toad), and I told them with much gusto that that was the only +place in the language where the word occurs. I had come upon this +statement in a book that they did not have. Their looks spoke their +admiration for the schoolmaster who could speak with authority. +After they had gone their ways, two to Porto Rico, one to Chili, +another to Brazil, and others elsewhere, I came upon the word _bufo_ +again in Ovid. I am still wondering what a schoolmaster ought to do +in a case like that. Even if I had written to all those fellows +acknowledging my error, it would have been too late, for they would, +long before, have circulated the report all over South America and +the United States that there is but one toad in the Latin language. +If I hadn't believed everything I see in print, hadn't been so +cock-sure, and hadn't been so ready to parade borrowed plumage as my +own, all this linguistic coil would have been averted. I suppose Mr. +Henderson would send me to jail again for this. I certainly didn't +do my best, and therefore I am immoral, and therefore a sinner; _quad +erat demonstrandum_. + +So, I suppose, if I'm to save my soul, I must gather manna every day, +and if I find the value of _x_ to-day, I must find the value of a +bigger _x_ to-morrow. Then, too, I suppose I'll have to choose +between Mrs. Wiggs and Emerson, between the Katzenjammers and +Shakespeare, and between ragtime and grand opera. I am very certain +growing corn gives forth a sound only I can't hear it. If my hearing +were only acute enough I'd hear it and rejoice in it. It is very +trying to miss the sound when I am so certain that it is there. The +birds in my trees understand one another, and yet I can't understand +what they are saying in the least. This simply proves my own +limitations. If I could but know their language, and all the +languages of the cows, the sheep, the horses, and the chickens, what +a good time I could have with them. If my powers of sight and +hearing were increased only tenfold, I'd surely find a different +world about me. Here, again, I can't find the value of _x_, try as I +will. + +The disquieting thing about all this is that I do not use to the +utmost the powers I have. I could see many more things than I do if +I'd only use my eyes, and hear things, too, if I'd try more. The +world of nature as it reveals itself to John Burroughs is a thousand +times larger than my world, no doubt, and this fact convicts me of +doing less than my best, and again the jail invites me. + + + + +CHAPTER XV + +HOEING POTATOES + +As I was lying in the shade of the maple-tree down there by the +ravine, yesterday, I fell to thinking about my rights, and the longer +I lay there the more puzzled I became. Being a citizen in a +democracy, I have many rights that are guaranteed to me by the +Constitution, notably life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. +In my school I become expansive in extolling these rights to my +pupils. But under that maple-tree I found myself raising many +questions as to these rights, and many others. I have a right to +sing tenor, but I can't sing tenor at all, and when I try it I +disturb my neighbors. Right there I bump against a situation. I +have a right to use my knife at table instead of a fork, and who is +to gainsay my using my fingers? Queen Elizabeth did. I certainly +have a right to lie in the shade of the maple-tree for two hours +to-day instead of one hour, as I did yesterday. I wonder if +reclining on the grass under a maple-tree is not a part of the +pursuit of happiness that is specifically set out in the +Constitution? I hope so, for I'd like to have that wonderful +Constitution backing me up in the things I like to do. The sun is so +hot and hoeing potatoes is such a tiring task that I prefer to lounge +in the shade with my back against the Constitution. + +In thinking of the pursuit of happiness I am inclined to personify +happiness and then watch the chase, wondering whether the pursuer +will ever overtake her, and what he'll do when he does. I note that +the Constitution does not guarantee that the pursuer will ever catch +her--but just gives him an open field and no favors. He may run just +as fast as he likes, and as long as his endurance holds out. I +suspect that's where the liberty comes in. I wonder if the makers of +the Constitution ever visualized that chase. If so, they must have +laughed, at least in their sleeves, solemn crowd that they were. If +I were certain that I could overtake happiness I'd gladly join in the +pursuit, even on such a warm day as this, but the dread uncertainty +makes me prefer to loll here in the shade. Besides, I'm not quite +certain that I could recognize her even if I could catch her. The +photographs that I have seen are so very different that I might +mistake happiness for some one else, and that would be embarrassing. + +If I should conclude that I was happy, and then discover that I +wasn't, I scarcely see how I could explain myself to myself, much +less to others. So I shall go on hoeing my potatoes and not bother +my poor head about happiness. It is just possible that I shall find +it over there in the potato-patch, for its latitude and longitude +have never been definitely determined, so far as I am aware. I know +I shall find some satisfaction over there at work, and I am convinced +that satisfaction and happiness are kinsfolk. Possibly my potatoes +will prove the answer to some mother's prayer for food for her little +ones next winter. Who knows? As I loosen the soil about the vines I +can look down the vista of the months, and see some little one in his +high chair smiling through his tears as mother prepares one of my +beautiful potatoes for him, and I think I can detect some moisture in +mother's eyes, too. It is just possible that her tears are the +consecrated incense upon the altar of thanksgiving. + +I like to see such pictures as I ply my hoe, for they give me respite +from weariness, and give fresh ardor to my hoeing. If each one of my +potatoes shall only assuage the hunger of some little one, and cause +the mother's eyes to distil tears of joy, I shall be in the +border-land of happiness, to say the least. I had fully intended to +exercise my inalienable rights and lie in the shade for two hours +to-day, but when I caught a glimpse of that little chap in the high +chair, and heard his pitiful plea for potatoes, I made for the +potato-patch post-haste, as if I were responding to a hurry call. I +suppose there is no more heart-breaking sound in nature than the +crying of a hungry child. I have been whistling all the afternoon +along with my hoeing, and now that I think of it, I must be whistling +because my potatoes are going to make that baby laugh. + +Well, if they do, then I shall elevate the hoeing of potatoes to the +rank of a privilege. Oh, I've read my "Tom Sawyer," and know about +his enterprise in getting the fence whitewashed by making the task +seem a privilege. But Tom was indulging in fiction, and hoeing +potatoes is no fiction. Still those whitewash artists had something +of the feeling that I experience right now, only there was no baby in +their picture as there is in mine, and so I have the baby as an +additional privilege. I wish I knew how to make all the school tasks +rank as privileges to my boys and girls. If I could only do that, +they would have gone far toward a liberal education. If I could only +get a baby to crying somewhere out beyond cube root I'm sure they +would struggle through the mazes of that subject, somehow, so as to +get to the baby to change its crying into laughter. 'Tis worth +trying. + +I wonder, after all, whether education is not the process of shifting +the emphasis from rights to privileges. I have a right, when I go +into the town, to keep my seat in the car and let the old lady use +the strap. If I insist upon that right I feel myself a boor, lacking +the sense and sensibilities of a gentleman. But when I relinquish my +seat I feel that I have exercised my privilege to be considerate and +courteous. I have a right to permit weeds and briers to overrun my +fences, and the fences themselves to go to rack, and so offend the +sight of my neighbors; but I esteem it a privilege to make the +premises clean and beautiful, so as to add so much to the sum total +of pleasure. I have a right to stay on my own side of the road and +keep to myself; but it is a great privilege to go up for a +half-hour's exchange of talk with my neighbor John. He always clears +the cobwebs from my eyes and from my soul, and I return to my work +refreshed. + +I have a right, too, to pore over the colored supplement for an hour +or so, but when I am able to rise to my privileges and take the Book +of Job instead, I feel that I have made a gain in self-respect, and +can stand more nearly erect. I have a right, when I go to church, to +sit silent and look bored; but, when I avail myself of the privilege +of joining in the responses and the singing, I feel that I am +fertilizing my spirit for the truth that is proclaimed. As a citizen +I have certain rights, but when I come to think of my privileges my +rights seem puny in comparison. Then, too, my rights are such cold +things, but my privileges are full of sunshine and of joy. My rights +seem mathematical, while my privileges seem curves of beauty. + +In his scientific laboratory at Princeton, on one occasion, the +celebrated Doctor Hodge, in preparing for an experiment said to some +students who were gathered about him: "Gentlemen, please remove your +hats; I am about to ask God a question." So it is with every one who +esteems his privileges. He is asking God questions about the glory +of the sunrise, the fragrance of the flowers, the colors of the +rainbow, the music of the brook, and the meaning of the stars. But I +hear a baby crying and must get back to my potatoes. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI + +CHANGING THE MIND + +I have been reading, in this book, of a man who couldn't change his +mind because his intellectual wardrobe was not sufficient to warrant +a change. I was feeling downright sorry for the poor fellow till I +got to wondering how many people are feeling sorry for me for the +same reason. That reflection changed the situation greatly, and I +began to feel some resentment against the blunt statement in the book +as being rather too personal. Just as I begin to think that we have +standardized a lot of things, along comes some one in a book, or +elsewhere, and completely upsets my fine and comforting theories and +projects me into chaos again. No sooner do I get a lot of facts all +nicely settled, and begin to enjoy complacency, than some disturber +of the peace knocks all my facts topsy-turvy, and says they are not +facts at all, but the merest fiction. Then I cry aloud with my old +friend Cicero, _Ubinam gentium sumus_, which, being translated in the +language of the boys, means, "Where in the world (or nation) are we +at?" They are actually trying to reform my spelling. I do wish +these reformers had come around sooner, when I was learning to spell +_phthisic_, _syzygy_, _daguerreotype_, and _caoutchouc_. They might +have saved me a deal of trouble and helped me over some of the high +places at the old-fashioned spelling-bees. + +I have a friend who is quite versed in science, and he tells me that +any book on science that is more than ten years old is obsolete. +Now, that puzzles me no little. If that is true, why don't they wait +till matters scientific are settled, and then write their books? Why +write a book at all when you know that day after tomorrow some one +will come along and refute all the theories and mangle the facts? +These science chaps must spend a great deal of their time changing +their intellectual clothing. It would be great fun to come back a +hundred years from now and read the books on science, psychology, and +pedagogy. I suppose the books we have now will seem like joke books +to our great-grandchildren, if people are compelled to change their +mental garments every day from now on. I wonder how long it will +take us human coral insects, to get our building up to the top of the +water. + +Whoever it was that said that consistency is a jewel would need to +take treatment for his eyes in these days. If I must change my +mental garb each day I don't see how I can be consistent. If I said +yesterday that some theory of science is the truth, the whole truth, +and nothing but the truth, and then find a revision of the statement +necessary to-day, I certainly am inconsistent. This jewel of +consistency certainly loses its lustre, if not its identity, in such +a process of shifting. I do hope these chameleon artists will leave +us the multiplication table, the yardstick, and the ablative +absolute. I'm not so particular about the wine-gallon, for +prohibition will probably do away with that anyhow. When I was in +school I could tell to a foot the equatorial and the polar diameter +of the earth, and what makes the difference. Why, I knew all about +that flattening at the poles, and how it came about. Then Mr. Peary +went up there and tramped all over the north pole, and never said a +word about the flattening when he came back. I was very much +disappointed in Mr. Peary. + +I know, quite as well as I know my own name, that the length of the +year is three hundred and sixty-five days, five hours, forty-eight +minutes, and forty-eight seconds, and if I find any one trying to lop +off even one second of my hard-learned year, I shall look upon him as +a meddler. That is one of my settled facts, and I don't care to have +it disturbed. If any one comes along trying to change the length of +my year, I shall begin to tremble for the safety of the Ten +Commandments. If I believe that a grasshopper is a quadruped, what +satisfaction could I possibly take in discovering that he has six +legs? It would merely disturb one of my settled facts, and I am more +interested in my facts than I am in the grasshopper. The trouble is, +though, that my neighbor John keeps referring to the grasshopper's +six legs; so I suppose I shall, in the end, get me a grasshopper suit +of clothes so as to be in the fashion. + +This discarding of my four-legged grasshopper and supplying myself +with one that has six legs may be what the poet means when he speaks +of our dead selves. He may refer to the new suit of mental clothing +that I am supposed to get each day, to the change of mind that I am +supposed to undergo as regularly as a daily bath. Possibly Mr. +Holmes meant something like that when he wrote his "Chambered +Nautilus." At each advance from one of these compartments to +another, I suppose I acquire a new suit of clothes, or, in other +words, change my mind. Let's see, wasn't it Theseus whose eternal +punishment in Hades was just to sit there forever? That seems +somewhat heavenly to me. But here on earth I suppose I must try to +keep up with the styles, and change my mental gear day by day. + +I think I might come to enjoy a change of suits every day if only +some one would provide them for me; but, if I must earn them myself, +the case is different. I'd like to have some one bestow upon me a +beautiful Greek suit for Monday, with its elegance, grace, and +dignity, a Roman suit for Tuesday, a science suit for Wednesday, a +suit of poetry for Thursday, and so on, day after day. But when I +must read all of Homer before I can have the Greek suit, the price +seems a bit stiff, and I'm not so avid about changing my mind. We +had a township picnic back home, once, and it seemed to me that I was +attending a congress of nations, for there were people there who had +driven five or six miles from the utmost bounds of the township. +That was a real mental adventure, and it took some time for me to +adjust myself to my new suit. Then I went to the county fair, where +were gathered people from all the townships, and my poor mind had a +mighty struggle trying to grasp the immensity of the thing. I felt +much the same as when I was trying to understand the mathematical +sign of infinity. And when I came upon the statement, in my +geography, that there are eighty-eight counties in our State, the +mind balked absolutely and refused to go on. I felt as did the old +gentleman who saw an aeroplane for the first time. After watching +its gyrations for some time he finally exclaimed: "They ain't no sich +thing." + +My college roommate, Mack, went over to London, once, on some errand, +and of course went to the British Museum. Near the entrance he came +upon the Rosetta Stone, and stood inthralled. He reflected that he +was standing in the presence of a monument that marks the beginning +of recorded history, that back of that all was dark, and that all the +books in all the libraries emanate from that beginning. The thought +was so big, so overmastering, that there was no room in his mind for +anything else, so he turned about and left without seeing anything +else in the Museum. Since then we have had many a big laugh together +as he recounts to me his wonderful visit to the Rosetta Stone. I see +clearly that in the presence of that modest stone he got all the +mental clothing he could possibly wear at the time. Changing the +mind sometimes seems to amount almost to surgery. + +Sometime, if I can get my stub pen limbered up I shall try my hand at +writing a bit of a composition on the subject of "The Inequality of +Equals." I know that the Declaration tells us that all men are born +free and equal, and I shall explain in my essay that it means us to +understand that while they are born equal, they begin to become +unequal the day after they are born, and become more so as one +changes his mind and the other one does not. I try, all the while, +to make myself believe that I am the equal of my neighbor, the judge, +and then I feel foolish to think that I ever tried it. The neighbors +all know it isn't true, and so do I when I quit arguing with myself. +He has such a long start of me now that I wonder if I can ever +overtake him. One thing, though, I'm resolved upon, and that is to +change my mind as often as possible. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII + +THE POINT OF VIEW + +Just why a boy is averse to washing his neck and ears is one of the +deep problems of social psychology, and yet the psychologists have +veered away from the subject. There must be a reason, and these mind +experts ought to be able and willing to find it, so as to relieve the +anxiety of the rest of us. It is easy for me to say, with a full-arm +gesture, that a boy is of the earth earthy, but that only begs the +question, as full-arm gestures are wont to do. Many a boy has shed +copious tears as he sat on a bench outside the kitchen door removing, +under compulsion, the day's accumulations from his feet as a +prerequisite for retiring. He would much prefer to sleep on the +floor to escape the foot-washing ordeal. Why, pray, should he wash +his feet when he knows full well that tomorrow night will find them +in the same condition? Why all the bother and trouble about a little +thing like that? Why can't folks let a fellow alone, anyhow? And, +besides, he went in swimming this afternoon, and that surely ought to +meet all the exactions of capricious parents. He exhibits his feet +as an evidence of the virtue of going swimming, for he is arranging +the preliminaries for another swimming expedition to-morrow. + +I recall very distinctly how strange it seemed that my father could +sit there and calmly talk about being a Democrat, or a Republican, or +a Baptist, or a Methodist, or about some one's discovering the north +pole, or about the President's message when the dog had a rat +cornered under the corn-crib and was barking like mad. But, then, +parents can't see things in their right relations and proportions. +And there sat mother, too, darning stockings, and the dog just stark +crazy about that rat. 'Tis enough to make a boy lose faith in +parents forevermore. A dog, a rat, and a boy--there's a combination +that recks not of the fall of empires or the tottering of thrones. +Even chicken-noodles must take second place in such a scheme of world +activities. And yet a mother would hold a boy back from the +forefront of such an enterprise to wash his neck. Oh, these mothers! + +I have read "Adam's Diary," by Mark Twain, in which he tells what +events were forward in Eden on Monday, what on Tuesday, and so on +throughout the week till he came to Sunday, and his only comment on +that day was "Pulled through." In the New England Primer we gather +the solemn information that "In Adam's fall, we sinned all." I admit +the fact freely, but beg to be permitted to plead extenuating +circumstances. Adam could go to church just as he was, but I had to +be renovated and, at times, almost parboiled and, in addition to +these indignities, had to wear shoes and stockings; and the stockings +scratched my legs, and the shoes were too tight. If Adam could +barely manage to pull through, just think of me. Besides, Adam +didn't have to wear a paper collar that disintegrated and smeared his +neck. The more I think of Adam's situation, the more sorry I feel +for myself. Why, he could just reach out and pluck some fruit to +help him through the services, but I had to walk a mile after church, +in those tight shoes, and then wait an hour for dinner. And I was +supposed to feel and act religious while I was waiting, but I didn't. + +If I could only have gone to church barefoot, with my shirt open at +the throat, and with a pocket full of cookies to munch _ad lib_ +throughout the services, I am sure that the spiritual uplift would +have been greater. The soul of a boy doesn't expand violently when +encased in a starched shirt and a paper collar, and these surmounted +by a thick coat, with the mercury at ninety-seven in the shade. I +think I can trace my religious retardation back to those hungry +Sundays, those tight shoes, that warm coat, and those frequent jabs +in my ribs when I fain would have slept. + +In my childhood there was such a host of people who were pushing and +pulling me about in an effort to make me good that, even yet, I shy +away from their style of goodness. The wonder is that I have any +standing at all in polite and upright society. So many folks said I +was bad and naughty, and applied so many other no less approbrious +epithets to me that, in time, I came to believe them, and tried +somewhat diligently to live up to the reputation they gave me. I +recall that one of my aunts came in one day and, seeing me out in the +yard most ingloriously tousled, asked my good mother: "Is that your +child?" Poor mother! I have often wondered how much travail of +spirit it must have cost her to acknowledge me as her very own. One +thumb, one great toe, and an ankle were decorated with greasy rags, +and I was far from being ornamental. I had been hulling walnuts, +too, and my stained hands served to accentuate the human scenery. + +This same aunt had three boys of her own, later on, and a more +disreputable-looking crew it would be hard to find. I confess that I +took a deal of grim satisfaction in their dilapidated ensemble, just +for my aunt's benefit, of course. They were fine, wholesome, natural +boys in spite of their parentage, and I liked them even while I +gloried in their cuts, bruises, and dirt. At that time I was wearing +a necktie and had my shoes polished but, even so, I yearned to join +with them in their debauch of sand, mud, and general indifference to +convention. They are fine, upstanding young chaps now, and of course +their mother thinks that her scolding, nagging, and baiting made them +so. They know better, but are too kind and considerate to reveal the +truth to their mother. + +Even yet I have something like admiration for the ingenuity of my +elders in conjuring up spooks, hob-goblins, and bugaboos with which +to scare me into submission. I conformed, of course, but I never +gave them a high grade in veracity. I yielded simply to gain time, +for I knew where there was a chipmunk in a hole, and was eager to get +to digging him out just as soon as my apparent submission for a brief +time had proved my complete regeneration. They used to tell me that +children should be seen but not heard, and I knew they wanted to do +the talking. I often wonder whether their notion of a good child +would have been satisfactorily met if I had suddenly become +paralyzed, or ossified, or petrified. In either of these cases I +could have been seen but not heard. One day, not long ago, when I +felt at peace with all the world and was comfortably free from care, +a small, thumb-sucking seven-year-old asked: "How long since the +world was born?" After I told him that it was about four thousand +years he worked vigorously at his thumb for a time, and then said: +"That isn't very long." Then I wished I had said four millions, so +as to reduce him to silence, for one doesn't enjoy being routed and +put to confusion by a seven-year-old. + +After quite a silence he asked again: "What was there before the +world was born?" That was an easy one; so I said in a tone of +finality: "There wasn't anything." Then I went on with my +meditations, thinking I had used the soft pedal effectively. Silence +reigned supreme for some minutes, and then was rudely shattered. His +thumb flew from his mouth, and he laughed so lustily that he could be +heard throughout the house. When his laughter had spent itself +somewhat, I asked meekly: "What are you laughing at?" His answer +came on the instant, but still punctuated with laughter: "I was +laughing to see how funny it was when there wasn't anything." No +wonder that folks want children to be seen but not heard. And some +folks are scandalized because a chap like that doesn't like to wash +his neck and ears. + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII + +PICNICS + +The code of table etiquette in the days of my boyhood, as I now +recall it, was expressed something like: "Eat what is set before you +and ask no questions." We heeded this injunction with religious +fidelity, but yearned to ask why they didn't set more before us. +About the only time that a real boy gets enough to eat is when he +goes to a picnic and, even there and then, the rounding out of the +programme is connected with clandestine visits to the baskets after +the formal ceremonies have been concluded. At a picnic there is no +such expression as "from soup to nuts," for there is no soup, and +perhaps no nuts, but there is everything else in tantalizing +abundance. If I find a plate of deviled eggs near me, I begin with +deviled eggs; or, if the cold tongue is nearer, I begin with that. +In this way I reveal, for the pleasure of the hostesses, my +unrestricted and democratic appetite. Or, in order to obviate any +possible embarrassment during the progress of the chicken toward me, +I may take a piece of pie or a slice of cake, thinking that they may +not return once they have been put in circulation. Certainly I take +jelly when it passes along, as well as pickles, olives, and cheese. +There is no incongruity, at such a time, in having a slice of baked +ham and a slice of angel-food cake on one's plate or in one's hands. +They harmonize beautifully both in the color scheme and in the +gastronomic scheme. At a picnic my boyhood training reaches its full +fruition: "Eat what is set before you and ask no questions." These +things I do. + +That's a good rule for reading, too, just to read what is set before +you and ask no questions. I'm thinking now of the reader member of +my dual nature, not the student member. I like to cater somewhat to +both these members. When the reader member is having his inning, I +like to give him free rein and not hamper him by any lock-step or +stereotyped method or course. I like to lead him to a picnic table +and dismiss him with the mere statement that "Heaven helps those who +help themselves," and thus leave him to his own devices. If +Southey's, "The Curse of Kehama," happens to be nearest his plate, he +will naturally begin with that as I did with the deviled eggs. Or he +may nibble at "The House-Boat on the Styx" while some one is passing +the Shakespeare along. He may like Emerson, and ask for a second +helping, and that's all right, too, for that's a nourishing sort of +food. Having partaken of this generously, he will enjoy all the more +the jelly when it comes along in the form of "Nonsense Anthology." +The more I think of it the more I see that reading is very like a +picnic dinner. It is all good, and one takes the food which is +nearest him, whether pie or pickles. + +When any one asks me what I am reading, I become much embarrassed. I +may be reading a catalogue of books at the time, or the book notices +in some magazine, but such reading may not seem orthodox at all to +the one who asks the question. My reading may be too desultory or +too personal to be paraded in public. I don't make it a practice to +tell all the neighbors what I ate for breakfast. I like to saunter +along through the book just as I ride in a gondola when in Venice. +I'm not going anywhere, but get my enjoyment from merely being on the +way. I pay the gondolier and then let him have his own way with me. +So with the book. I pay the money and then abandon myself to it. If +it can make me laugh, why, well and good, and I'll laugh. If it +causes me to shed tears, why, let the tears flow. They may do me +good. If I ever become conscious of the number of the page of the +book I am reading, I know there is something the matter with that +book or else with me. If I ever become conscious of the page number +in David Grayson's "Adventures in Contentment," or "The Friendly +Road," I shall certainly consult a physician. I do become +semiconscious at times that I am approaching the end of the feast, +and feel regret that the book is not larger. + +I have spasms and enjoy them. Sometimes, I have a Dickens spasm, and +read some of his books for the _n_th time. I have frittered away +much time in my life trying to discover whether a book is worth a +second reading. If it isn't, it is hardly worth a first reading, I +don't get tired of my friend Brown, so why should I put Dickens off +with a mere society call? If I didn't enjoy Brown I'd not visit him +so frequently; but, liking him, I go again and again. So with +Dickens, Mark Twain, and Shakespeare. The story goes that a second +Uncle Remus was sitting on a stump in the depths of a forest sawing +away on an old discordant violin. A man, who chanced to come upon +him, asked what he was doing. With no interruption of his musical +activities, he answered: "Boss, I'se serenadin' m' soul." Book or +violin, 'tis all the same. Uncle Remus and I are serenading our +souls and the exercise is good for us. + +I was laid by with typhoid fever for a few weeks once, and the doctor +came at eleven o'clock in the morning and at five o'clock in the +afternoon. If he happened to be a bit late I grew impatient, and my +fever increased. He discovered this fact, and was no more tardy. He +was reading "John Fiske" at the time, and Grant's "Memoirs," and at +each visit reviewed for me what he had read since the previous visit. +He must have been glad when I no longer needed to take my history by +proxy, for I kept him up to the mark, and bullied him into reciting +twice a day. I don't know what drugs he gave me, but I do know that +"Fiske" and "Grant" are good for typhoid, and heartily commend them +to the general public. I am rather glad now that I had typhoid fever. + +I listen with amused tolerance to people who grow voluble on the +weather and their symptoms, and often wish they would ask me to +prescribe for them. I'd probably tell them to become readers of +William J. Locke. But, perhaps, their symptoms might seem preferable +to the remedy. A neighbor came in to borrow a book, and I gave her +"Les Miserables," which she returned in a day or so, saying that she +could not read it. I knew that I had overestimated her, and that I +didn't have a book around of her size. I had loaned my "Robin Hood," +"Rudder Grange," "Uncle Remus," and "Sonny" to the children round +about. + +I like to browse around among my books, and am trying to have my boys +and girls acquire the same habit. Reading for pure enjoyment isn't a +formal affair any more than eating. Sometimes I feel in the mood for +a grapefruit for breakfast, sometimes for an orange, and sometimes +for neither. I'm glad not to board at a place where they have +standardized breakfasts and reading. If I feel in the mood for an +orange I want an orange, even if my neighbor has a casaba melon. So, +if I want my "Middlemarch," I'm quite eager for that book, and am +quite willing for my neighbor to have his "Henry Esmond." The +appetite for books is variable, the same as for food, and I'd rather +consult my appetite than my neighbor when choosing a book as a +companion through a lazy afternoon beneath the maple-tree, I refuse +to try to supervise the reading of my pupils. Why, I couldn't +supervise their eating. I'd have to find out whether the boy was +yearning for porterhouse steak or ice-cream, first; then I might help +him make a selection. The best I can do is to have plenty of steak, +potatoes, pie, and ice-cream around, and allow him to help himself. + + + + +CHAPTER XIX + +MAKE-BELIEVE + +The text may be found in "Over Bemerton's," by E. V. Lucas, and reads +as follows: "A gentle hypocrisy is not only the basis but the salt of +civilized life." This statement startled me a bit at first; but when +I got to thinking of my experience in having a photograph of myself +made I saw that Mr. Lucas has some warrant for his statement. There +has been only one Oliver Cromwell to say: "Paint me as I am." The +rest of us humans prefer to have the wart omitted. If my photograph +is true to life I don't want it. I'm going to send it away, and I +don't want the folks who get it to think I look like that. If I were +a woman and could wear a disguise of cosmetics when sitting for a +picture the case might not be quite so bad. The subtle flattery of +the photograph is very grateful to us mortals whether we admit it or +not. My friend Baxter introduced me once as a man who is not +two-faced, and went on to explain that if I had had two faces I'd +have brought the other instead of this one. And that's true. I +expect the photographer to evoke another face for me, and hence my +generous gift of money to him. I like that chap immensely. He takes +my money, gives me another face, bows me out with the grace of a +finished courtier, and never, by word or look, reveals his knowledge +of my hypocrisy. + +As a boy I had a full suit of company manners which I wore only when +guests were present, and so was always sorry to have guests come. I +sat back on the chair instead of on its edge; I didn't swing my legs +unless I had a lapse of memory; I said, "Yes, ma'am," and, "No, +ma'am," like any other parrot, just as I did at rehearsal; and, in +short, I was a most exemplary child save for occasional reactions to +unlooked-for situations. The folks knew I was posing, and were on +nettles all the while from fear of a breakdown; the guests knew I was +posing, and I knew I was posing. But we all pretended to one another +that that was the regular order of procedure in our house. So we had +a very gratifying concert exercise in hypocrisy. We said our prayers +that night just as usual. + +With such thorough training in my youth it is not at all strange that +I now consider myself rather an adept in the prevailing social +usages. At a musicale I applaud fit to blister my hands, even though +I feel positively pugnacious. But I know the singer has an encore +prepared, and I feel that it would be ungracious to disappoint her. +Besides, I argue with myself that I can stand it for five minutes +more if the others can. Professor James, I think it is, says that we +ought to do at least one disagreeable thing each day as an aid in the +development of character. Being rather keen on character +development, I decide on a double dose of the disagreeable while +opportunity favors. Hence my vigorous applauding. Then, too, I +realize that the time and place are not opportune for an expression +of my honest convictions; so I choose the line of least resistance +and well-nigh blister my hands to emphasize my hypocrisy. + +At a formal dinner I have been known to sink so low into the depths +of hypocrisy as to eat shrimp salad. But when one is sitting next to +a lady who seems a confirmed celibate, and who seems to find nothing +better than to become voluble on the subject of her distinguished +ancestors, even shrimp salad has its uses. Now, under normal +conditions my perverted and plebeian taste regards shrimp salad as a +banality, but at that dinner I ate it with apparent relish, and tried +not to make a wry face. But, worst of all, I complimented the +hostess upon the excellence of the dinner, and extolled the salad +particularly, although we both knew that the salad was a failure, and +that the dinner itself convicted the cook of a lack of experience or +else of a superfluity of potations. + +When the refreshments are served I take a thimbleful of ice-cream and +an attenuated wafer, and then solemnly declare to the maid that I +have been abundantly served. In the hallowed precincts that I call +my den I could absorb nine rations such as they served and never bat +an eye. And yet, in making my adieus to the hostess, I thank her +most effusively for a delightful evening, refreshments included, and +then hurry grumbling home to get something to eat. Such are some of +the manifestations of social hypocrisy. These all pass current at +their face value, and yet we all know that nobody is deceived. Still +it is great fun to play make-believe, and the world would have +convulsions if we did not indulge in these pleasing deceptions. In +the clever little book "Molly Make-Believe" the girl pretends at +first that she loves the man, and later on comes to love him to +distraction, and she lived happy ever after, too. When, in my fever, +I would ask about my temperature, the nurse would give a numeral +about two degrees below the real record to encourage me, and I can't +think that St. Peter will bar her out just for that. + +The psychologists give mild assent to the theory that a physical +attitude may generate an emotion. If I assume a belligerent +attitude, they claim that, in time, I shall feel really belligerent; +that in a loafing attitude I shall presently be loafing; and that, if +I assume the attitude of a listener, I shall soon be listening most +intently. This seems to be justified by the experiences of Edwin +Booth on the stage. He could feign fighting for a time, and then it +became real fighting, and great care had to be taken to avert +disastrous consequences when his sword fully struck its gait. I +believe the psychologists have never fully agreed on the question +whether the man is running from the bear because he is scared or is +scared because he is running. + +I dare say Mr. Shakespeare was trying to express this theory when he +said: "Assume a virtue, though you have it not." That's exactly what +I'm trying to have my pupils do all the while. I'm trying to have +them wear their company manners continually, so that, in good time, +they will become their regular working garb. I'm glad to have them +assume the attitudes of diligence and politeness, thinking that their +attitudes may generate the corresponding emotions. It is a severe +strain on a boy at times to seem polite when he feels like hurling +missiles. We both know that his politeness is mere make-believe, but +we pretend not to know, and so move along our ways of hypocrisy +hoping that good may come. + +There is a telephone-girl over in the central station, wherever that +is, who certainly is beautiful if the voice is a true index. Her +tones are dulcet, and her voice is so mellow and well modulated that +I visualize her as another Venus. I suspect that, when she began her +work, some one told her that her tenure of position depended upon the +quality of her voice. So, I imagine, she assumed a tonal quality of +voice that was really a sublimated hypocrisy, and persisted in this +until now that quality of voice is entirely natural. I can't think +that Shakespeare had her specially in mind, but, if I ever have the +good fortune to meet her, I shall certainly ask her if she reads +Shakespeare. Now that I think of it, I shall try this treatment on +my own voice, for it sorely needs treatment. Possibly I ought to +take a course of training at the telephone-station. + +I am now thoroughly persuaded that Mr. Lucas gave expression to a +great principle of pedagogy in what he said about hypocrisy, and I +shall try to be diligent in applying it. If I can get my boys to +assume an arithmetical attitude, they may come to have an +arithmetical feeling, and that would give me great joy. I don't care +to have them express their honest feelings either about me or the +work, but would rather have them look polite and interested, even if +it is hypocrisy. I'd like to have all my boys and girls act as if +they consider me absolutely fair, just, and upright, as well as the +most kind, courteous, generous, scholarly, skillful, and complaisant +schoolmaster that ever lived, no matter what they really think. + + + + +CHAPTER XX + +BEHAVIOR + +If I only knew how to teach English, I'd have far more confidence in +my schoolmastering. But I don't seem to get on. The system breaks +down too often to suit me. Just when I think I have some lad +inoculated with elegant English through the process of reading from +some classic, he says, "might of came," and I become obfuscated +again. I have a book here in which I read that it is the business of +the teacher so to organize the activities of the school that they +will function in behavior. Well, my boys' behavior in the use of +English indicates that I haven't organized the activities of my +English class very effectively. I seem to be more of a success in a +cherry-orchard than in an English class. My cherries are large and +round, a joy to the eye and delightful to the taste. The fruit +expert tells me they are perfect, and so I feel that I organized the +activities in that orchard efficiently. In fact, the behavior of my +cherry-trees is most gratifying. But when I hear my pupils talk or +read their essays, and find a deal of imperfect fruit in the way of +solecisms and misspelled words, I feel inclined to discredit my skill +in organizing the activities in this human orchard. + +I think my trouble is (and it is trouble), that I proceed upon the +agreeable assumption that my pupils can "catch" English as they do +the measles if only they are exposed to it. So I expose them to the +objective complement and the compellative, and then stand aghast at +their behavior when they make all the mistakes that can possibly be +made in using a given number of words. I have occasion to wonder +whether I juggle these big words merely because I happen to see them +in a book, or whether I am trying to be impressive. I recall how +often I have felt a thrill of pride as I have ladled out deliberative +subjunctives, ethical datives, and hysteron proteron to my +(supposedly) admiring Latin pupils. If I were a soldier I should +want to wear one of those enormous three-story military hats to +render me tall and impressive. I have no desire to see a drum-major +minus his plumage. The disillusionment would probably be depressing. +Liking to wear my shako, I must continue to talk of objective +complements instead of using simple English. + +I had watched men make a hundred barrels, but when I tried my skill I +didn't produce much of a barrel. Then I knew making barrels is not +violently infectious. But I suspect that it is quite the same as +English in this respect. My behavior in that cooper-shop, for a +time, was quite destructive of materials, until I had acquired skill +by much practice. + +If I could only organize the activities in my English class so that +they would function in such behavior as Lincoln's "Letter to Mrs. +Bixby," I should feel that I might continue my teaching instead of +devoting all my time to my cherry-orchard. Or, if I could see that +my pupils were acquiring the habit of correct English as the result +of my work, I'd give myself a higher grade as a schoolmaster. My +neighbor over here teaches agriculture, and one of his boys produced +one hundred and fifty bushels of corn on an acre of ground. That's +what I call excellent behavior, and that schoolmaster certainly knows +how to organize the activities of his class. My boy's yield of +thirty-seven bushels, mostly nubbins, does not compare favorably with +the yield of his boy, and I feel that I ought to reform, or else wear +a mask. Here is my boy saying "might of came," and his boy is +raising a hundred and fifty bushels of corn per acre. + +If I could only assemble all my boys and girls twenty years hence and +have them give an account of themselves for all the years after they +left school, I could grade them with greater accuracy than I can +possibly do now. Of course, I'd simply grade them on behavior, and +if I could muster up courage, I might ask them to grade mine. I +wonder how I'd feel if I'd find among them such folks as Edison, +Burbank, Goethals, Clara Barton, and Frances Willard. My neighbor +John says the most humiliating experience that a man can have is to +wear a pair of his son's trousers that have been cut down to fit him. +I might have some such feelings as that in the presence of pupils who +had made such notable achievements. But, should they tell me that +these achievements were due, in some good measure, to the work of the +school, well, that would be glory enough for me. One of my boys was +telling me only yesterday of a bit of work he did the day before in +the way of revealing a process in chemistry to a firm of jewellers +and hearing the superintendent say that that bit of information is +worth a thousand dollars to the establishment. If he keeps on doing +things like that I shall grade his behavior one of these days. + +I suppose Mr. Goethals must have learned the multiplication table, +once upon a time, and used it, too, in constructing the Panama Canal. +He certainly made it effective, and the activities of that class in +arithmetic certainly did function. I tell my boys that this +multiplication table is the same one that Mr. Goethals has been using +all the while, and then ask them what use they expect to make of it. +One man made use of this table in tunnelling the Alps, and another in +building the Brooklyn Bridge, and it seems to be good for many more +bridges and tunnels if I can only organize the activities aright. + +I was standing in front of St. Marks, there in Venice, one morning, +regaling myself with the beauty of the festive scene, and talking to +a friend, when four of my boys came strolling up, and they seemed +more my boys than ever before. What a reunion we had! The folks all +about us didn't understand it in the least, but we did, and that was +enough. I forgot my coarse clothes, my well-nigh empty pockets, my +inability to buy the many beautiful things that kept tantalizing me, +and the meagreness of my salary. These were all swallowed up in the +joy of seeing the boys, and I wanted to proclaim to all and sundry; +"These are my jewels." Those boys are noble, clean, upstanding +fellows, and no schoolmaster could help being proud of them. Such as +they nestle down in the heart of the schoolmaster and cause him to +know that life is good. + +I was sorry not to be able to share my joy with my friend who stood +near, but that could not be. I might have used words to him, but he +would not have understood. He had never yearned over those fellows +and watched them, day by day, hoping that they might grow up to be an +honor to their school. He had never had the experience of watching +from the schoolhouse window, fervently wishing that no harm might +come to them, and that no shadows might come over their lives. He +had never known the joy of sitting up far into the night to prepare +for the coming of those boys the next day. He had never seen their +eyes sparkle in the classroom when, for them, truth became illumined. +Of course, he stood aloof, for he couldn't know. Only the +schoolmaster can ever know how those four boys became the focus of +all that wondrous beauty on that splendid morning. If I had had my +grade-book along I would have recorded their grades in behavior, for +as I looked upon those glorious chaps and heard them recount their +experiences I had a feeling of exaltation, knowing that the +activities of our school had functioned in right behavior. + + + + +CHAPTER XXI + +FOREFINGERS + +This left forefinger of mine is certainly a curiosity. It looks like +a miniature totem-pole, and I wish I had before me its life history. +I'd like to know just how all these seventeen scars were acquired. +It seems to have come in contact with about all sorts and sizes of +cutlery. If only teachers or parents had been wise enough to make a +record of all my bloodletting mishaps, with occasions, causes, and +effects, that record would afford a fruitful study for students of +education. The pity of it is that we take no account of such matters +as phases or factors of education. We keep saying that experience is +the best teacher, and then ignore this eloquent forefinger. I call +that criminal neglect arising from crass ignorance. Why, these scars +that adorn many parts of my body are the foot-prints of evolution, +if, indeed, evolution makes tracks. The scars on the faces of those +students at Heidelberg are accounted badges of honor, but they cannot +compare with the big scar on my left knee that came to me as the free +gift of a corn-knife. Those students wanted their scars to take home +to show their mothers. I didn't want mine, and made every effort to +conceal it, as well as the hole in my trousers. I got my scar as a +warning. I profited by it, too, for never were there two cuts in +exactly the same place. In fact, they were widely, if not wisely, +distributed. They are the indices of the soaring sense of my +youthful audacity. And yet neither parents nor teachers ever graded +my scars. + +I recall quite distinctly that, at one time, I proclaimed boldly over +one entire page of a copy-book, that knowledge is power, and became +so enthusiastic in these numerous proclamations that I wrote on the +bias, and zigzagged over the page with fine abandon. But no teacher +ever even hinted to me that the knowledge I acquired from my contest +with a nest of belligerent bumblebees had the slightest connection +with power. When I groped my way home with both eyes swollen shut I +was never lionized. Indeed, no! Anything but that! I couldn't milk +the cows that evening, and couldn't study my lesson, and therefore, +my newly acquired knowledge was called weakness instead of power. +They did not seem to realize that my swollen face was prominent in +the scheme of education, nor that bumblebees and yellow-jackets may +be a means of grace. They wanted me to be solving problems in common +(sometimes called vulgar) fractions. I don't fight bumblebees any +more, which proves that my knowledge generated power. The emotions +of my boyhood presented a scene of grand disorder, and those +bumblebees helped to organize them, and to clarify and define my +sense of values. I can philosophize about a bumblebee far more +judicially now than I could when my eyes were swollen shut. + +I went to the town to attend a circus one day, and concluded I'd +celebrate the day with eclat by getting my hair cut. At the +conclusion of this ceremony the tonsorial Beau Brummel, in the most +seductive tones, suggested a shampoo. I just couldn't resist his +blandishments, and so consented. Then he suggested tonic, and grew +quite eloquent in recounting the benefits to the scalp, and I took +tonic. I felt quite a fellow, till I came to pay the bill, and then +discovered that I had but fifteen cents left from all my wealth. +That, of course, was not sufficient for a ticket to the circus, so I +bought a bag of peanuts and walked home, five miles, meditating, the +while, upon the problem of life. My scalp was all right, but just +under that scalp was a seething, soundless hubbub. I learned things +that day that are not set down in the books, even if I did get myself +laughed at. When I get to giving school credits for home work I +shall certainly excuse the boy who has had such an experience as that +from solving at least four problems in vulgar fractions, and I shall +include that experience in my definition of education, too. + +I have tried to back-track Paul Laurence Dunbar, now and then, and +have found it good fun. Once I started with his expression, "the +whole sky overhead and the whole earth underneath," and tried to get +back to where that started. He must have been lying on his back on +some grass-plot, right in the centre of everything, with that whole +half-sphere of sky luring his spirit out toward the infinite, with a +pillow that was eight thousand miles thick. If I had been his +teacher I might have called him lazy and shiftless as he lay there, +because he was not finding how to place a decimal point, I'm glad, on +the whole, that I was not his teacher, for I'd have twinges of +conscience every time I read one of his big thoughts. I'd feel that, +while he was lying there growing big, I was doing my best to make him +little. When I was lying on my back there in the Pantheon in Rome, +looking up through that wide opening, and watching a moving-picture +show that has no rival, the fleecy clouds in their ever-changing +forms against that blue background of matchless Italian sky, those +gendarmes debated the question of arresting me for disorderly +conduct. My conduct was disorderly because they couldn't understand +it. But, if Raphael could have risen from his tomb only a few yards +away, he would have told those fellows not to disturb me while I was +being so liberally educated. Then, that other time, when my friend +Reuben and I stood on the very prow of the ship when the sea was +rolling high, swinging us up into the heights, and then down into the +depths, with the roar drowning out all possibility of talk--well, +somehow, I thought of that copy-book back yonder with its message +that "Knowledge is power." And I never think of power without +recalling that experience as I watched that battle royal between the +power of the sea and the power of the ship that could withstand the +angry buffeting of the waves, and laugh in glee as it rode them down. +I know that six times nine are fifty-four, but I confess that I +forgot this fact out there on the prow of that ship. Some folks +might say that Reuben and I were wasting our time, but I can't think +so. I like, even now, to stand out in the clear during a +thunder-storm. I want the head uncovered, too, that the wind may +toss my hair about while I look the lightning-flashes straight in the +eye and stand erect and unafraid as the thunder crashes and rolls and +reverberates about me. I like to watch the trees swaying to and fro, +keeping time to the majestic rhythm of the elements. To me such an +experience is what my neighbor John calls "growing weather," and at +such a time the bigness of the affair causes me to forget for the +time that there are such things as double datives. + +One time I spent the greater part of a forenoon watching logs go over +a dam. It seems a simple thing to tell, and hardly worth the +telling, but it was a great morning in actual experience. In time +those huge logs became things of life, and when they arose from their +mighty plunge into the watery deeps they seemed to shake themselves +free and laugh in their freedom. And there were battles, too. They +struggled and fought and rode over one another, and their mighty +collisions produced a very thunder of sound. I tried to read the +book which I had with me, but could not. In the presence of such a +scene one cannot read a book unless it is one of Victor Hugo's. That +copy-book looms up again as I think of those logs, and I wonder +whether knowledge is power, and whether experience is the best +teacher. But, dear me! Here I've been frittering away all this good +time, and these papers not graded yet! + + + + +CHAPTER XXII + +STORY-TELLING + +My boys like to have me tell them stories, and, if the stories are +true ones, they like them all the better. So I sometimes become +reminiscent when they gather about me and let them lead me along as +if I couldn't help myself when they are so interested. In this way I +become one of them. I like to whittle a nice pine stick while I +talk, for then the talk seems incidental to the whittling and so +takes hold of them all the more. In the midst of the talking a boy +will sometimes slip into my hand a fresh stick, when I have about +exhausted the whittling resources of the other. That's about the +finest encore I have ever received. A boy knows how to pay a +compliment in a delicate way when the mood for compliments is on him, +and if that mood of his is handled with equal delicacy great things +may be accomplished. + +Well, the other day as I whittled the inevitable pine stick I let +them lure from me the story of Sant. Now, Sant was my seatmate in +the village school back yonder, and I now know that I loved him +whole-heartedly. I didn't know this at the time, for I took him as a +matter of course, just as I did my right hand. His name was Sanford, +but boys don't call one another by their right names. They soon find +affectionate nicknames. I have quite a collection of these nicknames +myself, but have only a hazy notion of how or where they were +acquired. When some one calls me by one of these names, I can +readily locate him in time and place, for I well know that he must +belong in a certain group or that name would not come to his lips. +These nicknames that we all have are really historical. Well, we +called him Sant, and that name conjures up before me one of the most +wholesome boys I have ever known. He was brimful of fun. A +heartier, more sincere laugh a boy never had, and my affection for +him was as natural as my breathing. He knew I liked him, though I +never told him so. Had I told him, the charm would have been broken. + +In those days spelling was one of the high lights of school work, and +we were incited to excellence in this branch of learning by head +tickets, which were a promise of still greater honor, in the form of +a prize, to the winner. The one who stood at the head of the class +at the close of the lesson received a ticket, and the holder of the +greatest number of these tickets at the end of the school year bore +home in triumph the much-coveted prize in the shape of a book as a +visible token of superiority. I wanted that prize, and worked for +it. Tickets were accumulating in my little box with exhilarating +regularity, and I was nobly upholding the family name when I was +stricken with pneumonia, and my victorious career had a rude check. +My nearest competitor was Sam, who almost exulted in my illness +because of the opportunity it afforded him for a rich harvest of head +tickets. In the exuberance of his joy he made some remark to this +effect, which Sant overheard. Up to this time Sant had taken no +interest in the contests in spelling, but Sam's remark galvanized him +into vigorous life, and spelling became his overmastering passion. +Indeed, he became the wonder of the school, and in consequence poor +Sam's anticipations were not realized. Day after day Sant caught the +word that Sam missed, and thus added another ticket to his +collection. So it went until I took my place again, and then Sant +lapsed back into his indifference, leaving me to look after Sam +myself. When I tried to face him down with circumstantial evidence +he seemed pained to think that I could ever consider him capable of +such designing. The merry twinkle in his eye was the only confession +he ever made. Small wonder that I loved Sant. If I were writing a +testimonial for myself I should say that it was much to my credit +that I loved a boy like that. + +As a boy my risibilities were easily excited, and I'm glad that, even +yet, I have not entirely overcome that weakness. If I couldn't have +a big laugh, now and then, I'd feel that I ought to consult a +physician. My boys and girls and I often laugh together, but never +at one another. Sant had a deal of fun with my propensity to laugh. +When we were conning our geography lesson, he would make puns upon +such names as Chattahoochee and Appalachicola, and I would promptly +explode. Then, enter the teacher. But I drop the mantle of charity +over the next scene, for his school-teaching was altogether personal, +and not pedagogical. He didn't know that puns and laughter were the +reactions on the part of us boys that caused us to know the facts of +the book. But he wanted us to learn those facts in his way, and not +in our own. Poor fellow! _Requiescat in pace_, if he can. + +Sant was the first one of our crowd to go to college, and we were all +proud of him, and predicted great things for him. We all knew he was +brilliant and felt certain that the great ones in the college would +soon find it out. And they did; for ever and anon some news would +filter through to us that Sant was battening upon Latin, Greek, +mathematics, science, and history. Of course, we gave all the credit +to our little school, and seemed to forget that the Lord may have had +something to do with it. When we proved by Sant's achievements that +our school was _ne plus ultra_, I noticed that the irascible teacher +joined heartily in the chorus. I intend to get all the glory I can +from the achievements of my pupils, but I do hope that they may not +be my sole dependence at the distribution of glory. Yes, Sant +graduated, and his name was written high upon the scroll. But he +could not deliver his oration, for he was sick, and a friend read it +for him. And when he arose to receive his diploma he had to stand on +crutches. They took him home in a carriage, and within a week he was +dead. The fires of genius had burned brightly for a time and then +went out in darkness, because his father and mother were first +cousins. + +At the conclusion of this story, the boys were silent for a long +time, and I knew the story was having its effect. Then there was a +slight movement, and one of them put into my hand another pine stick. +I whittled in silence for a time, and then told them of a woman I +know who is well-known and highly esteemed in more than one State +because of her distinctive achievements. One day I saw her going +along the street leading by the hand a little four-year-old boy. He +was the picture of health, and rollicked along as only such a healthy +little chap can. He was eager to see all the things that were +displayed in the windows, but to me he and the proud mother were the +finest show on the street. She beamed upon him like another Madonna, +and it seemed to me that the Master must have been looking at some +such glorious child as that when he said; "Suffer the little children +to come unto me." + +A few weeks later I was riding on the train with that mother, and she +was telling me that the little fellow had been ill, and told how +anxious she had been through several days and nights because the +physicians could not discover the cause of his illness. Then she +told how happy she was that he had about recovered, and how bright he +seemed when she kissed him good-by that morning. I saw her several +times that week and at each meeting she gave me good news of the +little boy at home. + +Inside of another month that noble little fellow was dead. +Apparently he was his own healthy, happy little self, and then was +stricken as he had been before. The pastor of the church of which +the parents are members told me of the death scene. It occurred at +about one o'clock in the morning, and the mother was worn and haggard +from anxiety and days of watching. The members of the family, the +physician, and the pastor were standing around the bed, but the +mother was on her knees close beside the little one, who was writhing +in the most awful convulsions. Then the stricken mother looked +straight into heaven and made a personal appeal to God to come and +relieve the little fellow's sufferings. Again and again she prayed: +"Oh, God, do come and take my little boy." And the Angel of Death, +in answer to that prayer, came in and touched the baby, and he was +still. + +The mother of that child may or may not know that the grandfather of +that child came into that room that night, though he had been long in +his grave, and murdered her baby--murdered him with tainted blood. +That grandfather had not lived a clean life, and so broke a mother's +heart and forced her in agony to pray for the death of her own child. + +When I had finished I walked quietly away, leaving the boys to their +own thoughts, and as I walked I breathed the wish that my boys may +live such clean, wholesome, upright, temperate lives that no child or +grandchild may ever have occasion to reproach them, or point the +finger of scorn at them, and that no mother may ever pray for death +to come to her baby because of a taint in their blood. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIII + +GRANDMOTHER + +My grandmother was about the nicest grandmother that a boy ever had, +and in memory of her, I am quite partial to all the grandmothers. I +like Whistler's portrait of his mother there in the Luxembourg--the +serene face, the cap and strings, and the folded hands--because it +takes me back to the days and to the presence of my grandmother. She +got into my heart when I was a boy, and she is there yet; and there +she will stay. The bread and butter that she somehow contrived to +get to us boys between meals made us feel that she could read our +minds. I attended a banquet the other night, but they had no such +bread and butter as we boys had there in the shade of that +apple-tree. It was real bread and real butter, and the appetite was +real, too, and that helped to invest grandmother with a halo. +Sometimes she would add jelly, and that caused our cup of joy to run +over. She just could not bear a hungry look on the face of a boy, +and when such a look appeared she exorcised it in the way that a boy +likes. What I liked about her was that she never attached any +conditions to her bread and butter--no, not even when she added +jelly, but her gifts were as free as salvation. The more I think of +the matter, the more I am convinced that her gifts were salvation, +for I know, by experience, that a hungry boy is never a good boy, at +least, not to excess. + +Whatever the vicissitudes of life might be to me, I knew that I had a +city of refuge beside grandmother's big armchair, and when trouble +came I instinctively sought that haven, often with rare celerity. In +that hallowed place there could be no hunger, nor thirst, nor +persecution. In that place there was peace and plenty, whatever +there might be elsewhere. I often used to wonder how she could know +a boy so well. I would be aching to go over to play with Tom, and +the first thing I knew grandmother was sending me over there on some +errand, telling me there was no special hurry about coming back. My +father might set his foot down upon some plan of mine ever so firmly, +but grandmother had only to smile at him and he was reduced to a +degree of limpness that contributed to my escape. I have often +wondered whether that smile on the face of grandmother did not remind +him, of some of his own boyish pranks. + +We boys knew, somehow, what she expected of us, and her expectation +was the measuring rod with which we tested our conduct. Boy-like, we +often wandered away into a far country, but when we returned, she had +the fatted calf ready for us, with never a question as to our travels +abroad. In that way foreign travel lost something of its glamour, +and the home life made a stronger appeal. She made her own bill of +fare so appetizing that we lost all our relish for husks and the +table companions connected with them. She never asked how or where +we acquired the cherry-stains on our shirts, but we knew that she +recognized cherry-stains when she saw them. The next day our shirts +were innocent of foreign cherry-stains, and we experienced a feeling +of righteousness. She made us feel that we were equal partners with +her in the enterprise of life, and that hoeing the garden and eating +the cookies were our part of the compact. + +When we went to stay with her for a week or two we carried with us a +book or so of the lurid sort, but returned home leaving them behind, +generally in the form of ashes. She found the book, of course, +beneath the pillow, and replaced it when she made the bed, but never +mentioned the matter to us. Then, in the afternoon, while we munched +cookies she would read to us from some book that made our own book +seem tame and unprofitable. She never completed the story, however, +but left the book on the table where we could find it easily. No +need to tell that we finished the story, without help, in the +evening, and the next day cremated the other book, having found +something more to our liking. One evening, as we sat together, she +said she wished she knew the name of Jephthah's daughter, and then +went on with her knitting as if she had forgotten her wish. At that +age we boys were not specially interested in daughters, no matter +whose they were; but that challenge to our curiosity was too much for +us, and before we went to bed we knew all that is known of that fine +girl. + +That was the beginning of our intimate, personal knowledge of Bible +characters--Ruth, Esther, David, and the rest; but grandmother made +us feel that we had known about them all along. I know, even yet, +just how tall Ruth was, and what was the color of her eyes and hair; +and Esther is the standard by which I measure all the queens of +earth, whether they wear crowns or not. + +One day when we went over to play with Tom we saw a peacock for the +first time, and at supper became enthusiastic over the discovery. In +the midst of our rhapsodizing grandmother asked us if we knew how +those beautiful spots came to be in the feathers of the peacock. We +confessed our ignorance, and like Ajax, prayed for light. But we +soon became aware that our prayer would not be answered until after +the supper dishes had been washed. Our alacrity in proffering our +services is conclusive evidence that grandmother knew about +motivation whether she knew the word or not. We suggested the +omission of the skillets and pans for that night only, but the +suggestion fell upon barren soil, and the regular order of business +was strictly observed. + +Then came the story, and the narrator made the characters seem +lifelike to us as they passed in review. There were Jupiter and +Juno; there were Argus with his hundred eyes, the beautiful heifer +that was Io, and the crafty Mercury. In rapt attention we listened +until those eyes of Argus were transferred to the feathers of the +peacock. If Mercury's story of his musical pipe closed the eyes of +Argus, grandmother's story opened ours wide, and we clamored for +another, as boys will do. Nor did we ask in vain, and we were soon +learning of the Flying Mercury, and how light and airy Mercury was, +seeing that an infant's breath could support him. After telling of +the wild ride of Phaeton and his overthrow, she quoted from John G. +Saxe: + + "Don't set it down in your table of forces + That any one man equals any four horses. + Don't swear by the Styx! + It is one of old Nick's + Diabolical tricks + To get people into a regular 'fix,' + And hold 'em there as fast as bricks!" + +Be it said to our credit that after such an evening dish-washing was +no longer a task, but rather a delightful prelude to another +mythological feast. We wandered with Ulysses and shuddered at +Polyphemus; we went in quest of the Golden Fleece, and watched the +sack of Troy; we came to know Orpheus and Eurydice and Pyramus and +Thisbe; and we sowed dragon's teeth and saw armed men spring up +before us. Since those glorious evenings with grandmother the +classic myths have been among my keenest delights. I read again and +again Lowell's extravaganza upon the story of Daphne, and can hear +grandmother's laugh over his delicious puns. I can hear her voice as +she reads Shelley's musical Arethusa, and then turns to his Skylark +to compare their musical qualities. I feel downright sorry for the +boy who has no such grandmother to teach him these poems, but not +more sorry than I do for those boys who took that Diamond Dick book +with them when they went visiting. Even now, when people talk to me +of omniscience I always think of grandmother. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIV + +MY WORLD + + "The world is too much with us; late and soon, + Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers; + Little we see in nature that is ours; + We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon! + This sea that bares her bosom to the moon, + The winds that will be howling at all hours + And are up-gather'd now like sleeping flowers, + For this, for everything, we are out of tune; + It moves us not. Great God! I'd rather be + A pagan suckled in a creed out-worn-- + So might I, standing on this pleasant lea, + Have glimpses that would make me less forlorn; + Have sight of Proteus rising from the sea; + And hear old Triton blow his wreathed horn." + + --_Wordsworth_. + + +I have heard many times that this is one of the best of Wordsworth's +many sonnets, and in the matter of sonnets, I find myself compelled +to depend upon others for my opinions. I'm sorry that such is the +case, for I'd rather not deal in second-hand judgments if I could +help it. About the most this sonnet can do for me is to make me +wonder what my world is. I suppose that the size of my world is the +measure of myself, and that in my schoolmastering I am simply trying +to enlarge the world of my pupils. I saw a gang-plough the other day +that is drawn by a motor, and that set me to thinking of ploughs in +general and their evolution; and, by tracing the plough backward, I +saw that the original one must have been the forefinger of some +cave-dweller. + +When his forefinger got sore, he got a forked stick and used that +instead; then he got a larger one and used both hands; then a still +larger one, and used oxen as the motive power; and then he fitted +handles to it, and other parts till he finally produced a plough. +But the principle has not been changed, and the gang-plough is but a +multifold forefinger. It is great fun to loose the tether of the +mind and let it go racing along, in and out, till it runs to earth +the original plough. Whether the solution is the correct one makes +but little difference. If friend Brown cannot disprove my theory, I +am on safe ground, and have my fun whether he accepts or rejects my +findings. + +This is one way of enlarging one's world, I take it, and if this sort +of thing is a part of the process of education, I am in favor of it, +and wish I knew how to set my boys and girls going on such +excursions. I wish I might have gone to school to Agassiz just to +get my eyes opened. If I had, I'd probably assign to my pupils such +subjects as the evolution of a snowflake, the travels of a sunbeam, +the mechanism of a bird's wing, the history of a dewdrop, the changes +in a blade of grass, and the evolution of a grain of sand. If I +could only take them away from books for a month or so, they'd +probably be able to read the books to better advantage when they came +back. I'd like to take them on a walking trip over the Alps and +through rural England and Scotland for a few weeks. + +If they could only gather broom, heather, shamrock, and edelweiss, +they would be able to see clover, alfalfa, arbutus, and mignonette +when they came back home. If they could see black robins in Wales +and Germany, the robin redbreast here at home would surely be thought +worthy of notice. If they could see stalactites and stalagmites in +Luray Cave, their world would then include these formations. One of +my boys was a member of an exploring expedition in the Andes, and one +night they were encamped near a glacier. This glacier protruded into +a lake, and on that particular night the end of that river of ice +broke off and thus formed an iceberg. The glacier was nearly a mile +wide, and when the end broke off the sound was such as to make the +loudest thunder seem a whisper by comparison. It was a rare +experience for this young fellow to be around where icebergs are +made, and vicariously I shared his experience. + +I want to know the price of eggs, bacon, and coffee, but I need not +go into camp on the price-list. Having purchased my bacon and eggs, +I like to move along to where my friend is sitting, and hear him tell +of his experiences with glaciers and icebergs, and so become +inoculated with the world-enlarging virus. Or, if he comes in to +share my bacon and eggs, these mundane delights lose none of their +flavor by being garnished with conversation on Andean themes. I'm +glad to have my friend push that greatest of monuments, "The Christ +of the Andes," over into my world. I arise from the table feeling +that I have had full value for the money I expended for eggs and +bacon. + +I'd like to have in my world a liberal sprinkling of stars, for when +I am looking at stars I get away from sordid things, for a time, and +get my soul renovated. I think St. Paul must have been associating +with starry space just before he wrote the last two verses of that +eighth chapter of Romans. I can't see how he could have written such +mighty thoughts if he had been dwelling upon clothes or symptoms. +The reading of a patent-medicine circular is not specially conducive +to thoughts of infinity. So I like, in my meditations, to take trips +from star to star, and from planet to planet. I like to wonder +whether these planets were rightly named--whether Venus is as +beautiful as the name implies, and whether the Martians are really +disciples of the warlike Mars. I like to drift along upon the canals +on the planet Mars, with heroic Martians plying the oars. I have +great fun on such spatial excursions, and am glad that I ever annexed +these planets to my world. I can take these stellar companions with +me to my potato-patch, and they help the day along. + +I want pictures in my world, too, and statues; for they show me the +hearts of the artists, and that is a sort of baptism. Sometimes I +grow a bit impatient to see how slowly some work of mine proceeds. +Then I think of Ghiberti, who worked for forty-two years on the +bronze doors of the Baptistry there in Florence, which Michael Angelo +declared to be worthy of paradise. Then I reflect that it was worth +a lifetime of work to win the praise of such as Angelo. This +reflection calms me, and I plod on more serenely, glad of the fact +that I can count Ghiberti and the bronze doors as a part of my world. +When I can have Titian, Rembrandt, Leonardo da Vinci, Andrea del +Sarto, Raphael, and Rosa Bonheur around, I feel that I have good +company and must be on my good behavior. If Corot, Reynolds, +Leighton, Watts, and Landseer should be banished from my world I'd +feel that I had suffered a great loss. I like to hobnob with such +folks as these, both for my own pleasure and also for the reputation +I gain through such associations. + +I must have people in my world, also, or it wouldn't be much of a +world. And I must be careful in my selection of people, if I am to +achieve any distinction as a world builder. I just can't leave +Cordelia out, for she helps to make my world luminous. But she must +have companions; so I shall select Antigone, Evangeline, Miranda, +Mary, and Martha if she can spare the time. Among the male +contingent I shall want Job, Erasmus, Petrarch, Dante, Goethe, +Shakespeare, Milton, and Burns. I want men and women in whose +presence I must stand uncovered to preserve my self-respect. I want +big people, wise people, and dynamic people in my world, people who +will teach me how to work and how to live. + +If I can get my world made and peopled to my liking, I shall refute +Mr. Wordsworth's statement that the world is too much with us. If I +can have the right sort of folks about me, they will see to it that I +do not waste my powers, for I shall be compelled to use my powers in +order to avert expulsion from their good company. If I get my world +built to suit me, I shall have no occasion to imitate the poet's +plaint. I suspect there is no better fun in life than in building a +world of one's own. + + + + +CHAPTER XXV + +THIS OR THAT + +One day in London a friend told me that on the market in that city +they have eggs of five grades--new-laid eggs, fresh eggs, imported +fresh eggs, good eggs, and eggs. A few days later we were in the +Tate Gallery looking at the Turner collection when he told me a story +of Turner. It seems that a friend of the artist was in his studio +watching him at his work, when suddenly this friend said: "Really, +Mr. Turner, I can't see in nature the colors that you portray on +canvas." The artist looked at him steadily for a moment, and then +replied: "Don't you wish you could?" Life, even at its best, +certainly is a maze. I find myself in the labyrinth, all the while +groping about, but quite unable to find the exit. Theseus was most +fortunate in having an Ariadne to furnish him with the thread to +guide him. But there seems to be no second Ariadne for me, and I +must continue to grope with no thread to guide. There in the Tate +Gallery I was standing enthralled before pictures by Watts and +Leighton, and paying small heed to the Turners, when the story of my +friend held a mirror before me, and as I looked I asked myself the +question: "Don't you wish you could?" + +Those Barbizon chaps, artists that they were, used to laugh at Corot +and tell him he was parodying nature, but he went right on painting +the foliage of his trees silver-gray until, finally, the other +artists discovered that he was the only one who was telling the truth +on canvas. Every one of my dilemmas seems to have at least a dozen +horns, and I stand helpless before them, fearful that I may lay hold +of the wrong one. I was reading in a book the other day the +statement of a man who says he'd rather have been Louis Agassiz than +the richest man in America. In another little book, "The Kingdom of +Light," the author, who is a lawyer, says that Concord, +Massachusetts, has influenced America to a greater degree than New +York and Chicago combined. I think I'll blot out the superlative +degree in my grammar, for the comparative gives me all the trouble I +can stand. + +Everything seems to be better or worse than something else, and there +doesn't seem to be any best or worst. So I'll dispense with the +superlative degree. Whether I buy new-laid eggs, or just eggs, I +can't be certain that I have the best or the worst eggs that can be +found. If I go over to Paris I may find other grades of eggs. Our +Sunday-school teacher wanted a generous contribution of money one +day, and, by way of causing purse-strings to relax, told of a boy who +was putting aside choice bits of meat as he ate his dinner. Upon +being asked by his father why he was doing so, he replied that he was +saving the bits for Rover. He was reminded that Rover could do with +scraps and bones, and that he himself should eat the bits he had put +aside. When he went out to Rover with the plate of leavings, he +patted him affectionately and said: + +"Poor doggie! I was going to bring you an offering to-day; but I +guess you'll have to put up with a collection." + +I like Robert Burns and think his "To Mary in Heaven" is his finest +poem. But the critics seem to prefer his "Highland Mary." So I +suppose these critics will look at me, with something akin to pity in +the look, and say: "Don't you wish you could?" Years ago some one +planted trees about my house for shade, and selected poplar. Now the +roots of these trees invade the cellar and the cistern, and prove +themselves altogether a nuisance. Of course, I can cut out the +trees, but then I should have no shade. That man, whoever he was, +might just as well have planted elms or maples, but, by some sort of +perversity or ignorance, planted poplars, and here am I, years +afterward, in a state of perturbation about the safety of cellar and +cistern on account of those pesky roots. I do wish that man had +taken a course in arboriculture before he planted those trees. It +might have saved me a deal of bother, and been no worse for him. + +Back home, after we had passed through the autograph-album stage of +development, we became interested in another sort of literary +composition. It was a book in which we recorded the names of our +favorite book, author, poem, statesman, flower, name, place, musical +instrument, and so on throughout an entire page. That experience was +really valuable and caused us to do some thinking. It would be well, +I think, to use such a book as that in the examination of teachers +and pupils. I wish I might come upon one of the books now in which I +set down the record of my favorites. It would afford me some +interesting if not valuable information. + +If I were called upon to name my favorite flower now I'd scarcely +know what to say. In one mood I'd certainly say lily-of-the-valley, +but in another mood I might say the rose. I do wonder if, in those +books back yonder, I ever said sunflower, dandelion, dahlia, fuchsia, +or daisy. If I should find that I said heliotrope, I'd give my +adolescence a pretty high grade. If I were using one of these books +in my school, and some boy should name the sunflower as his favorite, +I'd find myself facing a big problem to get him converted to the +lily-of-the-valley, and I really do not know quite how I should +proceed. It might not help him much for me to ask him: "Don't you +wish you could?" If I should let him know that my favorite is the +lily-of-the-valley, he might name that flower as the line of least +resistance to my approval and a high grade, with the mental +reservation that the sunflower is the most beautiful plant that +grows. Such a course might gratify me, but it certainly would not +make for his progress toward the lily-of-the-valley, nor yet for the +salvation of his soul. + +I have a boy of my own, but have never had the courage to ask him +what kind of father he thinks he has. He might tell me. Again I am +facing a dilemma. Dilemmas are quite plentiful hereabouts. I must +determine whether to regard him as an asset or a liability. But, +that is not the worst of my troubles. I plainly see that sooner or +later he is going to decide whether his father is an asset or a +liability. We must go over our books some day so as to find out +which of us is in debt to the other. I know that I owe him his +chance, but parents often seem backward about paying their debts to +their children, and I'm wondering whether I shall be able to cancel +that debt, to his present and ultimate satisfaction. I'd be +decidedly uncomfortable, years hence, to find him but "the runt of +something good" because I had failed to pay that debt. When I was a +lad they used to say that I was stubborn, but that may have been my +unsophisticated way of trying to collect a debt. I take some +comfort, in these later days, in knowing that the folks at home +credit me with the virtue of perseverance, and I wish they had used +the milder word when I was a boy. + +There is a picture show just around the corner, and I'm in a +quandary, right now, whether to follow the crowd to that show or sit +here and read Ruskin's "Sesame and Lilies." If I go to see the +picture film I'll probably see an exhibition of cowboy equestrian +dexterity, with a "happy ever after" finale, and may also acquire the +reputation among the neighbors of being up to date. But, if I spend +the evening with Ruskin, I shall have something worth thinking over +as I go about my work to-morrow. So here is another dilemma, and +there is no one to decide the matter for me. This being a free moral +agent is not the fun that some folks try to make it appear. I don't +really see how I shall ever get on unless I subscribe to Sam Walter +Foss's lines: + + "No other song has vital breath + Through endless time to fight with death, + Than that the singer sings apart + To please his solitary heart." + + + + +CHAPTER XXVI + +RABBIT PEDAGOGY + +As I think back over my past life as a schoolmaster I keep wondering +how many inebriates I have produced in my career. I'd be glad to +think that I have not a single one to my discredit, but that seems +beyond the wildest hope, considering the character of my teaching. I +am a firm believer in temperance in all things; but, in the matter of +pedagogy, my practice cannot be made to square with my theory. In +fact, I find, upon reflection, that I have been teaching intemperance +all the while. I'm glad the officers of my church do not know of my +pedagogical practice. If they did, they would certainly take action +against me, and in that case I cannot see what adequate defense I +could offer. Being a schoolmaster, I could scarcely bring myself to +plead ignorance, for such a plea as that might abrogate my license. +So I shall just keep quiet and look as nearly wise as possible. It +is embarrassing to me to reflect how long it has taken me to see the +error of my practice. If I had asked one of my boys he could have +told me of the better way. + +When we got the new desks in our school, back home, our teacher +seemed very anxious to have them kept in their virgin state, and +became quite animated as he walked up and down the aisle fulminating +against the possible offender. In the course of his sulphury remarks +he threatened condign punishment upon the base miscreant who should +dare use his penknife on one of those desks. His address was equal +to a course in "Paradise Lost," nor was it without its effect upon +the audience. Every boy in the room felt in his pocket to make sure +that it contained his knife, and every one began to wonder just where +he would find the whetstone when he went home. We were all eager for +school to close for the day that we might set about the important +matter of whetting our knives. Henceforth wood-carving was a part of +the regular order in our school, but it was done without special +supervision. Of course, each boy could prove an alibi when his own +desk was under investigation. It would not be seemly, in this +connection, to give a verbatim report of the conversations of us boys +when we assembled at our rendezvous after school. Suffice it to say +that the teacher's ears must have burned. The consensus of opinion +was that, if the teacher didn't want the desks carved, he should not +have told us to carve them. We seemed to think that he had said, in +substance, that he knew we were a gang of young rascallions, and +that, if he didn't intimidate us, we'd surely be guilty of some form +of vandalism. Then he proceeded to point out the way by suggesting +penknives; and the trick was done. We were ever open to suggestions. + +We had another teacher whose pet aversion was match heads. Cicero +and Demosthenes would have apologized to him could they have come in +when he was delivering one of his eloquent orations upon this +engaging theme. His vituperative vocabulary seemed unlimited, +inexhaustible, and cumulative. He raved, and ranted, and exuded +epithets with the most lavish prodigality. It seemed to us that he +didn't care much what he said, if he could only say it rapidly and +forcibly. In the very midst of an eloquent period another match head +would explode under his foot, and that seemed to answer the purpose +of an encore. The class in arithmetic did not recite that afternoon. +There was no time for arithmetic when match heads were to the fore. +I sometimes feel a bit guilty that I was admitted to such a good show +on a free pass. The next day, of course, the Gatling guns resumed +their activity; the girls screeched as they walked toward the +water-pail to get a drink; we boys studied our geography lesson with +faces garbed in a look of innocence and wonder; our mothers at home +were wondering what had become of all the matches; and the +teacher--but the less said of him the better. + +We boys needed only the merest suggestion to set us in motion, and +like Dame Rumor in the Aeneid, we gathered strength by the going. +One day the teacher became somewhat facetious and recounted a +red-pepper episode in the school of his boyhood. That was enough for +us; and the next day, in our school, was a day long to be remembered. +I recall in the school reader the story of "Meddlesome Matty." Her +name was really Matilda. One day her curiosity got the better of +her, and she removed the lid from her grandmother's snuff-box. The +story goes on to say: + + "Poor eyes, and nose, and mouth, and chin + A dismal sight presented; + And as the snuff got further in + Sincerely she repented." + +Barring the element of repentance, the red pepper was equally +provocative of results in our school. + +I certainly cannot lay claim to any great degree of docility, for, in +spite of all the experiences of my boyhood, I fell into the evil ways +of my teachers when I began my schoolmastering, and suggested to my +pupils numberless short cuts to wrong-doing. I railed against +intoxicants, and thus made them curious. That's why I am led to +wonder if I have incited any of my boys to strong drink as my +teachers incited me to desk-carving, match heads, and red pepper. + +I have come to think that a rabbit excels me in the matter of +pedagogy. The tar-baby story that Joel Chandler Harris has given us +abundantly proves my statement. The rabbit had so often outwitted +the fox that, in desperation, the latter fixed up a tar-baby and set +it up in the road for the benefit of the rabbit. In his efforts to +discipline the tar-baby for impoliteness, the rabbit became enmeshed +in the tar, to his great discomfort and chagrin. However, Brer +Rabbit's knowledge of pedagogy shines forth in the following dialogue: + + +W'en Brer Fox fine Brer Rabbit mixt up wid de Tar-Baby he feel mighty +good, en he roll on de groun' en laff. Bimeby he up'n say, sezee: + +"Well, I speck I got you dis time, Brer Rabbit," sezee. "Maybe I +ain't, but I speck I is. You been runnin' roun' here sassin' atter +me a mighty long time, but I speck you done come ter de een' er de +row. You bin cuttin' up yo' capers en bouncin' 'roun' in dis +neighborhood ontwel you come ter b'leeve yo'se'f de boss er de whole +gang. En den youer allers some'rs whar you got no bizness," sez Brer +Fox, sezee. "Who ax you fer ter come en strike up a'quaintance wid +dish yer Tar-Baby? En who stuck you up dar whar you is? Nobody in +de roun' worril. You des tuck en jam yo'se'f on dat Tar-Baby widout +watin' fer enny invite," sez Brer Fox, sezee, "en dar you is, en dar +you'll stay twel I fixes up a bresh-pile and fires her up, kaze I'm +gwineter bobby-cue you dis day, sho," sez Brer Fox, sezee. + +Den Brer Rabbit talk mighty 'umble. + +"I don't keer w'at you do wid me, Brer Fox," sezee, "so you don't +fling me in dat brier-patch. Roas' me, Brer Fox," sezee, "but don't +fling me in dat brier-patch," sezee. + +"Hit's so much trouble fer ter kindle a fier," sez Brer Fox, sezee, +"dat I speck I'll hatter hang you," sezee. + +"Hang me des ez high as you please, Brer Fox," sez Brer Rabbit, +sezee, "but do fer de Lord's sake don't fling me in dat brier-patch," +sezee. + +"I ain't got no string," sez Brer Fos, sezee, "en now I speck I'll +hatter drown you," sezee. + +"Drown me des ez deep ez you please, Brer Fox," sez Brer Rabbit, +sezee, "but do don't fling me in dat brier-patch," sezee. + +"Dey ain't no water nigh," sez Brer Fox, sezee, "en now I speck I'll +hatter skin you," sezee. + +"Skin me, Brer Fox," sez Brer Rabbit, sezee, "snatch out my eyeballs, +t'ar out my years by de roots, en cut off my legs," sezee, "but do +please, Brer Fox, don't fling me in dat brier-patch," sezee. + +Co'se Brer Fox wanter hurt Brer Rabbit bad ez he kin, so he cotch 'im +by de behime legs en slung 'im right in de middle er de brier-patch. +Dar wuz a considerbul flutter whar Brer Rabbit struck de bushes, en +Brer Fox sorter hang 'roun' fer ter see w'at wuz gwineter happen. +Bimeby he hear somebody call 'im, en way up de hill he see Brer +Rabbit settin' cross-legged on a chinkapin log koamin' de pitch outen +his har wid a chip. Den Brer Fox know dat he bin swop off mighty +bad. Brer Rabbit was bleedzed fer ter fling back some er his sass, +en he holler out: + +"Bred en bawn in a brier-patch, Brer Fox--bred en bawn in a +brier-patch!" en wid dat he skip out des ez lively ez a cricket in de +embers. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVII + +PERSPECTIVE + +I wish I could ever get the question of majors and minors settled to +my complete satisfaction. I thought my college course would settle +the matter for all time, but it didn't. I suspect that those erudite +professors thought they were getting me fitted out with enduring +habits of majors and minors, but they seem to have made no allowance +for changes of styles nor for growth. When I received my diploma +they seemed to think I was finished, and would stay just as they had +fixed me. They used to talk no little about finished products, and, +on commencement day, appeared to look upon me as one of them. On the +whole, I'm glad that I didn't fulfil their apparent expectations. I +have never been able to make out whether their attentions, on +commencement day, were manifestations of pride or relief. I can see +now that I must have been a sore trial to them. In my callow days, +when they occupied pedestals, I bent the knee to them by way of +propitiating them, but I got bravely over that. At first, what they +taught and what they represented were my majors, but when I came to +shift and reconstruct values, some of them climbed down off their +pedestals, and my knee lost some of its flexibility. + +We had one little professor who afforded us no end of amusement by +his taking himself so seriously. The boys used to say that he wrote +letters and sent flowers to himself. He would strut about the campus +as proudly as a pouter-pigeon, never realizing, apparently, that we +were laughing at him. At first, he impressed us greatly with his +grand air and his clothes, but after we discovered that, in his case +at least, clothes do not make the man, we refused to be impressed. +He could split hairs with infinite precision, and smoke a cigarette +in the most approved style, but I never heard any of the boys express +a wish to become that sort of man. Had there occurred a meeting, on +the campus, between him and Zeus he would have been offended, I am +sure, if Zeus had failed to set off a few thunderbolts in his honor. +We used to have at home a bantam rooster that could create no end of +flutter in the chicken yard, and could crow mightily; but when I +reflected that he could neither lay eggs nor occupy much space in a +frying-pan, I demoted him, in my thinking, from major rank to a low +minor, and awarded the palm to one of the less bumptious but more +useful fowls. Our little professor had degrees, of course, and has +them yet, I suspect; but no one ever discovered that he put them to +any good use. For that reason we boys lost interest in the man as +well as his garnishments. + +Our professor of chemistry was different. He was never on +dress-parade; he did not pose; he was no snob. We loved him because +he was so genuine. He had degrees, too, but they were so obscured by +the man that we forgot them in our contemplation of him. We knew +that they do not make degrees big enough for him. I often wonder +what degrees the colleges would want to confer upon William +Shakespeare if he could come back. Then, too, I often think what a +wonderful letter Abraham Lincoln could and might have written to Mrs. +Bixby, if he had only had a degree. Agassiz may have had degrees, +but he didn't really need them. Like Browning, he was big enough, +even lacking degrees, to be known without the identification of his +other names. If people need degrees they ought to have them, +especially if they can live up to them. Possibly the time may come +when degrees will be given for things done, rather than for things +hoped for; given for at least one stage of the journey accomplished +rather than for merely packing a travelling-bag. If this time ever +comes Thomas A. Edison will bankrupt the alphabet. + +In this coil of degrees and the absence of them, I become more and +more confused as to majors and minors. There in college were those +two professors both wearing degrees of the same size. Judged by that +criterion they should have been of equal size and influence. But +they weren't. In the one case you couldn't see the man for the +degree; in the other you couldn't see the degree for the man. Small +wonder that I find myself in such a hopeless muddle. I once thought, +in my innocence, that there was a sort of metric scale in +degrees--that an A.M. was ten times the size of an A.B.; that a Ph.D. +was equal to ten A.M.'s; and that the LL.D. degree could be had only +on the top of Mt. Olympus. But here I am, stumbling about among +folks, and can't tell a Ph.D. from an A.B. I do wish all these +degree chaps would wear tags so that we wayfaring folks could tell +them apart. It would simplify matters if the railway people would +arrange compartments on their trains for these various degrees. The +Ph.D. crowd would certainly feel more comfortable if they could herd +together, so that they need not demean themselves by associating with +mere A.M.'s or the more lowly A.B.'s. We might hope, too, that by +way of diversion they would put their heads together and compound +some prescription by the use of which the world might avert war, +reduce the high cost of living, banish a woman's tears, or save a +soul from perdition. + +Be it said to my shame, that I do not know what even an A.B. means, +much less the other degree hieroglyphics. Sometimes I receive a +letter having the writer's name printed at the top with an A.B. +annex; but I do not know what the writer is trying to say to me by +means of the printing. He probably wants me to know that he is a +graduate of some sort, but he fails to make it clear to me whether +his degree was conferred by a high school, a normal school, a +college, or a university. I know of one high school that confers +this degree, as well as many normal schools and colleges. There are +still other institutions where this same degree may be had, that +freely admit that they are colleges, whether they can prove it or +not. I'll be glad to send a stamped envelope for reply, if some one +will only be good enough to tell me what A.B. does really mean. + +I do hope that the earth may never be scourged with celibacy, but the +ever-increasing variety of bachelors, male and female, creates in me +a feeling of apprehension. Nor can I make out whether a bachelor of +arts is bigger and better than bachelors of science and pedagogy. +The arts folks claim that they are, and proceed to prove it by one +another. I often wonder what a bachelor of arts can do that the +other bachelors cannot do, or _vice versa_. They should all be +required to submit a list of their accomplishments, so that, when any +of the rest of us want a bit of work done, we may be able to select +wisely from among these differentiated bachelors. If we want a +bridge built, a beefsteak broiled, a mountain tunnelled, a loaf of +bread baked, a railroad constructed, a hat trimmed, or a book +written, we ought to know which class of bachelors will serve our +purpose best. Some one asked me just a few days ago to cite him to +some man or woman who can write a prize-winning short story, but I +couldn't decide whether to refer him to the bachelors of arts or the +bachelors of pedagogy. I might have turned to the Litt.D.'s, but I +didn't suppose they would care to bother with a little thing like +that. + +In college I studied Greek and, in fact, won a gold medal for my +agility in ramping through Mr. Xenophon's parasangs. That medal is +lost, so far as I know, and no one now has the remotest suspicion +that I ever even halted along through those parasangs, not to mention +ramping, or that I ever made the acquaintance of ox-eyed Juno. But I +need no medal to remind roe of those experiences in the Greek class. +Every bluebird I see does that for me. The good old doctor, one +morning in early spring, rhapsodized for five minutes on the singing +of a bluebird he had heard on his way to class, telling how the +little fellow was pouring forth a melody that made the world and all +life seem more beautiful and blessed. We loved him for that, because +it proved that he was a big-souled human being; and pupils like to +discover human qualities in their teachers. The little professor may +have heard the bluebird's singing, too; but if he did, he probably +thought it was serenading him. If colleges of education and normal +schools would select teachers who can delight in the song of a +bluebird their academic attainments would be ennobled and glorified, +and their students might come to love instead of fearing them. Only +a man or a woman with a big soul can socialize and vitalize the work +of the schools. The mere academician can never do it. + +The more I think of all these degree decorations in my efforts to +determine what is major in life and what is minor, the more I think +of George. He was an earnest schoolmaster, and was happiest when his +boys and girls were around him, busy at their tasks. One year there +were fourteen boys in his school, fifteen including himself, for he +was one of them. The school day was not long enough, so they met in +groups in the evening, at the various homes, and continued the work +of the day. These boys absorbed his time, his strength, and his +heart. Their success in their work was his greatest joy. Of those +fourteen boys one is no more. Of the other thirteen one is a state +official of high rank, five are attorneys, two are ministers of the +Gospel, two are bankers, one is a successful business man, and two +are engineers of prominence. George is the ideal of those men. They +all say he gave them their start in the right direction, and always +speak his name with reverence. George has these thirteen stars in +his crown that I know of. He had no degrees, but I am thinking that +some time he will hear the plaudit: "Well done, good and faithful +servant." + + + + +CHAPTER XXVIII + +PURELY PEDAGOGICAL + +It was a dark, cold, rainy night in November. The wind whistled +about the house, the rain beat a tattoo against the window-panes and +flooded the sills. The big base-burner, filled with anthracite coal, +was illuminating the room through its mica windows, on all sides, and +dispensing a warmth that smiled at the storm and cold outside. There +was a book in the picture, also; and a pair of slippers; and a +smoking-jacket; and an armchair. From the ceiling was suspended a +great lamp that joined gloriously in the chorus of light and cheer. +The man who sat in the armchair, reading the book, was a +schoolmaster--a college professor to be exact. Soft music floated up +from below stairs as a soothing accompaniment to his reading. +Subconsciously, as he turned the pages, he felt a pity for the poor +fellows on top of freight-trains who must endure the pitiless +buffeting of the storm. He could see them bracing themselves against +the blasts that tried to wrest them from their moorings. He felt a +pity for the belated traveller who tries, well-nigh in vain, to urge +his horses against the driving rain onward toward food and shelter. +But the leaves of the book continued to turn at intervals; for the +story was an engaging one, and the schoolmaster was ever responsive +to well-told stories. + +It was nine o'clock or after, and the fury of the storm was +increasing. As if responding to the challenge outside, he opened the +draft of the stove and then settled back, thinking he would be able +to complete the story before retiring. In the midst of one of the +many compelling passages he heard a bell toll, or imagined he did. +Brought to check by this startling sensation, he looked back over the +page to discover a possible explanation. Finding none, he smiled at +his own fancy, and then proceeded with his reading. But, again, the +bell tolled, and he wondered whether anything he had eaten at dinner +could be held responsible for the hallucination. Scarcely had he +resumed his reading when the bell again tolled. He could stand it no +longer, and must come upon the solution of the mystery. Bells do not +toll at nine o'clock, and the weirdness of the affair disconcerted +him. The nearer he drew to the foot of the stair, in his quest for +information, the more foolish he felt his question would seem to the +members of the family. But the question had scarce been asked when +the boy of the house burst forth: "Yes, been tolling for half an +hour." Meekly he asked: "Why are they tolling the bell?" "Child +lost." "Whose child?" "Little girl belonging to the Norwegians who +live in the shack down there by the woods." + +So, that was it! Well, it was some satisfaction to have the matter +cleared up, and now he could go back to his book. He had noticed the +shack in question, which was made of slabs set upright, with a +precarious roof of tarred paper; and had heard, vaguely, that a gang +of Norwegians were there to make a road through the woods to +Minnehaha Falls. Beyond these bare facts he had never thought to +inquire. These people and their doings were outside of his world. +Besides, the book and the cheery room were awaiting his return. But +the reading did not get on well. The tolling bell broke in upon it +and brought before his mind the picture of a little girl wandering +about in the storm and crying for her mother. He tried to argue with +himself that these Norwegians did not belong in his class, and that +they ought to look after their own children. He was under no +obligations to them--in fact, did not even know them. They had no +right, therefore, to break in upon the serenity of his evening. + +But the bell tolled on. If he could have wrenched the clapper from +out that bell, the page of his book might not have blurred before his +eyes. As the wind moaned about the house he thought he heard a child +crying, and started to his feet. It was inconceivable, he argued, +that he, a grown man, should permit such incidental matters in life +to so disturb his composure. There were scores, perhaps hundreds, of +children lost somewhere in the world, for whom regiments of people +were searching, and bells were tolling, too. So why not be +philosophical and read the book? But the words would not keep their +places, and the page yielded forth no coherent thought. He could +endure the tension no longer. He became a whirlwind--slamming the +book upon the table, kicking off the slippers, throwing the +smoking-jacket at random, and rushing to the closet for his gear. At +ten o'clock he was ready--hip-boots, slouch-hat, rubber coat, and +lantern, and went forth into the storm. + +Arriving at the scene, he took his place in the searching party of +about twenty men. They were to search the woods, first of all, each +man to be responsible for a space about two or three rods wide and +extending to the road a half-mile distant. Lantern in hand, he +scrutinized each stone and stump, hoping and fearing that it might +prove to be the little one. In the darkness he stumbled over logs +and vines, became entangled in briers and brambles, and often was +deluged with water from trees as he came in contact with overhanging +boughs. But his blood was up, for he was seeking a lost baby. When +he fell full-length in the swale, he got to his feet the best he +could and went on. Book and room were forgotten in the glow of a +larger purpose. So for two hours he splashed and struggled, but had +never a thought of abandoning the quest until the child should be +found. + +At twelve o'clock they had reached the road and were about to begin +the search in another section of the wood when the church-bell rang. +This was the signal that they should return to the starting-point to +hear any tidings that might have come in the meantime. Scarcely had +they heard that a message had come from police headquarters in the +city, and that information could be had there concerning a lost child +when the schoolmaster called out: "Come on, Craig!" And away went +these two toward the barn to arouse old "Blackie" out of her slumber +and hitch her to a buggy. Little did that old nag ever dream, even +in her palmiest days, that she could show such speed as she developed +in that four-mile drive. The schoolmaster was too much wrought up to +sit supinely by and see another do the driving; so he did it himself. +And he drove as to the manner born. + +The information they obtained at the police station was meagre +enough, but it furnished them a clew. A little girl had been found +wandering about, and could be located on a certain street at such a +number. The name of the family was not known. With this slender +clew they began their search for the street and house. The map of +streets which they had hastily sketched seemed hopelessly inadequate +to guide them in and out of by-streets and around zigzag corners. +They had adventures a plenty in pounding upon doors of wrong houses +and thus arousing the fury of sleepy men and sleepless dogs. One of +the latter tore away a quarter-section of the schoolmaster's rubber +coat, and became so interested in this that the owner escaped with no +further damage. After an hour filled with such experiences they +finally came to the right house. Joy flooded their hearts as the man +inside called out: "Yes, wait a minute." Once inside, questions and +answers flew back and forth like a shuttle. Yes, a little +girl--about five years old--light hair--braided and hanging down her +back--check apron. "She's the one--and we want to take her home." +Then the lady appeared, and said it was too bad to take the little +one out into such a night. But the schoolmaster bore her argument +down with the word-picture of the little one's mother pacing back and +forth in front of the shack, her hair hanging in strings, her +clothing drenched with rain and clinging to her body, her eyes +upturned, and her face expressing the most poignant agony. When they +left she had thus been pacing to and fro for seven hours and was, no +doubt, doing so yet. The mother-heart of the woman could not +withstand such an appeal, and soon she was busy in the difficult task +of trying to get the little arms into the sleeves of dress and apron. +Meanwhile, the two bedraggled men were on their knees striving with +that acme of awkwardness of which only men are capable, to ensconce +the little feet in stockings and shoes. The dressing of that child +was worthy the brush of Raphael or the smile of angels. At three +o'clock in the morning the schoolmaster stepped from the buggy and +placed the sleeping baby in the mother's arms, and only the heavenly +Father knows the language she spoke as she crooned over her little +one. As the schoolmaster wended his way homeward, cold, hungry, and +worn he was buoyant in spirit to the point of ecstasy. But he was +chastened, for he had stood upon the Mount of Transfiguration and +knew as never before that the mission of the schoolmaster is to find +and restore the lost child. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIX + +LONGEVITY + +I'm quite in the notion of playing a practical joke on Atropos, and, +perhaps, on Methuselah, while I'm about it. I'm not partial to +Atropos at the best. She's such a reckless, uppish, heedless sort of +tyrant. She rushes into huts, palaces, and even into the grand +stand, and lays about her with her scissors, snipping off threads +with the utmost abandon. She wields her shears without any sort of +apology or by your leave. Not even a check-book can stay her +ravages. Her devastation knows neither ruth nor gentleness. I don't +like her, and have no compunction about playing a joke at her +expense. I don't imagine it will daunt her, in the least, but I can +have my fun, at any rate. + +It is now just seven o'clock in the evening, and I shall not retire +before ten o'clock at the earliest. So here are three good hours for +me to dispose of; and I am the sole arbiter in the matter of +disposing of them. My neighbor John has a cow, and he is applying +the efficiency test to her. He charges her with every pound of corn, +bran, fodder, and hay that she eats, and doctor's bills, too, I +suppose, if there are any. Then he credits her with all the milk she +furnishes. There is quite a book-account in her name, and John has a +good time figuring out whether, judged by net results, she is a +consumer or a producer. If I can resurrect sufficient mathematical +lore, I think I shall try to apply this efficiency test to my three +hours just to see if I can prove that hours are as important as cows. +I ought to be able, somehow, to determine whether these hours are +consumers or producers. + +I read a book the other evening whose title is "Stories of Thrift for +Young Americans," and it made me feel that I ought to apply the +efficiency test to myself, and repeat the process every waking hour +of the day. But, in order to do this, I must apply the test to these +three hours. In my dreamy moods, I like to personify an Hour and +spell it with a capital. I like to think of an hour as the singular +of Houri which the Mohammedans call nymphs of paradise, because they +were, or are, beautiful-eyed. My Hour then becomes a goddess walking +through my life, and, as the poet says, _et vera incessu patuit dea_. +If I show her that I appreciate her she comes again just after the +clock strikes, in form even more winsome than before, and smiles upon +me as only a goddess can. Once, in a sullen mood, I looked upon her +as if she were a hag. When she returned she was a hag; and not till +after I had done full penance did she become my beautiful goddess +again. + +A young man who had been spending the evening in the home of a +neighbor complained that they did not play any games, and did nothing +but talk. I could not ask what games he meant, fearing that I might +smile in his face if he should say crokinole, tiddledy-winks, or +button-button. Later on I learned that much of the talking was done +that evening by a very cultivated man who has travelled widely and +intelligently, and has a most engaging manner in his fluent +discussions of art, literature, archaeology, architecture, places, +and peoples. I was sorry to miss such an evening, and think I could +forego tiddledywinks with a fair degree of amiability if, instead, I +could hear such a man talk. I have seen people yawn in an art +gallery. I fear to play tiddledywinks lest my hour may resume the +guise of a hag. But that makes me think of Atropos again, and the +joke I am planning to play on her. Still, I see that I shall not +soon get around to that joke if I persist in these dim generalities, +as a schoolmaster is so apt to do. + +Well, as I was saying, these three hours are at my disposal, and I +must decide what to do with them here and now. In deciding +concerning hours I must sit in the judgment-seat whether I like it or +not. Tomorrow evening I shall have other three hours to dispose of +the same as these, and the next evening three others, and my decision +to-night may be far-reaching. In six days I shall have eighteen such +hours, and in fifty weeks nine hundred. I suppose that a generous +estimate of a college year would be ten hours a day for one hundred +and eighty days, or eighteen hundred hours in all. I am quite aware +that some college boys will feel inclined to apply a liberal discount +to this estimate, but I am not considering those fellows who try to +do a month's work in the week of examination, and spend their +fathers' money for coaching. Now, if eighteen hundred hours +constitute a college year then my nine hundred hours are one-half a +college year, and it makes a deal of difference what I do with these +three hours. + +If I had only started this joke on Atropos earlier and had applied +these nine hundred hours on my college work, I could have graduated +in three years instead of four, and that surely would have been in +the line of efficiency. But in those days I was devoting more time +and attention to Clotho than to Atropos. I would fain have ignored +Lachesis altogether, but she made me painfully conscious of her +presence, especially during the finals when, it seemed to me, she was +unnecessarily diligent in her vocation. I could have dispensed with +much of her torsion with great equanimity. I suppose that now I am +trying to square accounts with her by playing this joke on her sister. + +So I have decided that I shall read a play of Shakespeare to-night, +another one to-morrow evening, and continue this until I have read +all that he wrote. In the fifty weeks of the year I can easily do +this and then reread some of them many times. I ought to be able to +commit to memory several of the plays, too, and that would be good +fun. If those chaps back yonder could recite the Koran word for word +I shall certainly be able to learn equally well some of these plays. +It would be worth while to recite "King Lear," "Macbeth," "Othello," +"Hamlet," "The Tempest," and "As You Like It," the last week of the +year just before I take my vacation of two weeks. If I can recite +even these six plays in those six evenings I shall feel that I did +well in deciding for Shakespeare instead of tiddledywinks. + +Next year I shall read history, and that will be rare fun, too. In +the nine hundred hours I shall certainly be able to read all of +Fiske, Mommsen, Rhodes, Bancroft, McMaster, Channing, Bryce, Hart, +Motley, Gibbon, and von Holst not to mention American statesmen. +About the Ides of December I shall hold a levee and sit in state as +the characters of history file by. I shall be able to call them all +by name, to tell of the things they did and why they did them, and to +connect their deeds with the world as it now is. I can't conceive of +any picture-show equal to that, and all through my year with +Shakespeare I shall be looking forward eagerly to my year with the +historians. I plainly see that the neighbors will not need to bring +in any playthings to amuse and entertain me, though, of course, I +shall be grateful to them for their kindly interest. Then, the next +year I shall devote to music, and if, by practising for nine hundred +hours, I cannot acquire a good degree of facility in manipulating a +piano or a violin, I must be too dull to ever aspire to the favor of +Terpsichore. If I but measure up to my hopes during this year I +shall be saved the expense of buying my music ready-made. The next +year I shall devote to art, and by spending one entire evening with a +single artist I shall thus become acquainted with three hundred of +them. If I become intimate with this number I shall not be lonesome, +even if I do not know the others. I think I shall give an art party +at the holiday time of that year, and have three hundred people +impersonate these artists. This will afford me a good review of my +studies in art. It may diminish the gate receipts of the +picture-show for a few evenings, but I suspect the world will be able +to wag along. + +Then the next year I shall study poetry, the next astronomy, and the +next botany. Thus I shall come to know the plants of earth, the +stars of heaven, and the emotions of men. That ought to ward off +ennui and afford entertainment without the aid of the saloon. In the +succeeding twelve years I shall want to acquire as many languages, +for I am eager to excel Elihu Burritt in linguistic attainments even +if I must yield to him as a disciple of Vulcan. If I can learn a +language and read the literature of that language each year, possibly +some college may be willing to grant me a degree for work _in +absentia_. If not, I shall poke along the best I can and try to +drown my grief in more copious drafts of work. + +And I shall have quite enough to do, for mathematics, the sciences, +and the arts and crafts all lie ahead of me in my programme. I +plainly see that I have played my last game of tiddledywinks and +solitaire. But I'll have fun anyhow. If I gain a half-year in each +twelve-month as I have my programme mapped out, in seventy years I +shall have a net gain of thirty-five years. Then, when Atropos comes +along with her scissors to snip the thread, thinking I have reached +my threescore and ten, I shall laugh in her face and let her know, +between laughs, that I am really one hundred and five, and have +played a thirty-five-year joke on her. Then I shall quote Bacon at +her to clinch the joke: "A man may be young in years but old in hours +if he have lost no time." + + + + +CHAPTER XXX + +FOUR-LEAF CLOVER + +I have no ambition to become either a cynic, a pessimist, or an +iconoclast. To aspire in either of these directions is bad for the +digestion, and good digestion is the foundation and source of much +that is desirable in human affairs. Introspection has its uses, to +be sure, but the stomach should have exemption as an objective. A +stomach is a valuable asset if only one is not conscious of it. One +of the emoluments of schoolmastering is the opportunity it affords +for communing with elect souls whose very presence is a tonic. Will +is one of these. He has a way of shunting my introspection over to +the track of the head or the heart. He just talks along and the +first thing I know the heart is singing its way through and above the +storm, while the head has been connected up to the heart, and they +are doing team-work that is good for me and good for all who meet me. +At church I like to have them sing the hymn whose closing couplet is: + + "I'll drop my burden at his feet + And bear a song away." + +I come out strong in singing that couplet, for I like it. In a human +sense, that is just what happens when I chat with Will for an hour. +When I ask him for bread, he never gives me a stone. On the +contrary, he gives me good, white bread, and a bit of cake, besides. + +In one of our chats the other day he was dilating upon Henry van +Dyke's four rules, and very soon had banished all my little clouds +and made my mental sky clear and bright. When I get around to +evolving a definition of education I think I shall say that it is the +process of furnishing people with resources for profitable and +pleasant conversation. Why, those four rules just oozed into the +talk, without any sort of flutter or formality, and made our chat +both agreeable and fruitful. Henry Ward Beecher said many good +things. Here is one that I caught in the school reader in my +boyhood: "The man who carries a lantern on a dark night can have +friends all about him, walking safely by the help of its rays and he +be not defrauded." Education is just such a lantern and this +schoolmaster, Will, knows how to carry it that it may afford light to +the friends about him. + +Well, the first of van Dyke's rules is: "You shall learn to desire +nothing in the world so much but that you can be happy without it." +I do wonder if he had been reading in Proverbs: "Better is a dinner +of herbs where love is than a stalled ox and hatred therewith." Or he +may have been reading the statement of St. Paul: "For I have learned, +in whatever state I am, therewith to be content." Or, possibly, he +may have been thinking of the lines of Paul Laurence Dunbar, + + "Sometimes the sun, unkindly hot, + My garden makes a desert spot; + Sometimes the blight upon the tree + Takes all my fruit away from me; + And then with throes of bitter pain + Rebellious passions rise and swell-- + But life is more than fruit or grain, + And so I sing, and all is well." + +I am plebeian enough to be fond of milk and crackers as a luncheon; +but I have just a dash of the patrician in my make-up and prefer the +milk unskimmed. Sometimes, I find that the cream has been devoted to +other, if not higher, uses and that my crackers must associate +perforce with milk of cerulean hue. Such a situation is a severe +test of character, and I am hoping that at such junctures along +life's highway I may find some support in the philosophy of Mr. van +Dyke. + +I suspect that he is trying to make me understand that happiness is +subjective rather than objective--that happiness depends not upon +what we have, but upon what we do with what we have. I couldn't be +an anarchist if I'd try. I don't grudge the millionaire his turtle +soup and caviar. But I do feel a bit sorry for him that he does not +know what a royal feast crackers and unskimmed milk afford. If the +king and the anarchist would but join me in such a feast I think the +king would soon forget his crown and the anarchist his plots, and +we'd be just three good fellows together, living at the very summit +of life and wishing that all men could be as happy as we. + +The next rule is a condensed moral code: "You shall seek that which +you desire only by such means as are fair and lawful, and this will +leave you without bitterness toward men or shame before God." No one +could possibly dissent from this rule, unless it might be a burglar. +I know the grocer makes a profit on the things I buy from him, and I +am glad he does. Otherwise, he would have to close his grocery and +that would inconvenience me greatly. He thanks me when I pay him, +but I feel that I ought to thank him for supplying my needs, for +having his goods arranged so invitingly, and for waiting upon me so +promptly and so politely. I can't really see how any customer can +feel any bitterness toward him. He gives full weight, tells the +exact truth as to the quality of the goods, and in all things is fair +and lawful. I have no quarrel with him and cannot understand why +others should, unless they are less fair, lawful, and agreeable than +the grocer himself. I suspect that the grocer and the butcher take +on the color of the glasses we happen to be wearing, and that Mr. van +Dyke is admonishing us to wear clear glasses and to keep them clean. + +The third rule needs to be read at least twice if not oftener: "You +shall take pleasure in the time while you are seeking, even though +you obtain not immediately that which you seek; for the purpose of a +journey is not only to arrive at the goal, but also to find enjoyment +by the way." I have seen people rushing along in automobiles at the +mad rate of thirty or forty miles an hour, missing altogether the +million-dollar scenery along the way, in their haste to get to the +end of their journey, where a five-cent bag of peanuts awaited them. +Had I been riding in an automobile through the streets of Tacoma I +might not have seen that glorious cluster of five beautiful roses on +a single branch in that attractive lawn. Because of them I always +think of Tacoma as the city of roses, for I stopped to look at them. +I have quite forgotten the objective point of my stroll; I recollect +the roses. When we were riding out from Florence on a tram-car to +see the ancient Fiesole I plucked a branch from an olive-tree from +the platform of the car. On that branch were at least a dozen young +olives, the first I had ever seen. I have but the haziest +recollection of the old theatre and the subterranean passages where +Catiline and his crowd had their rendezvous; but I do recall that +olive branch most distinctly. I cannot improve upon Doctor van +Dyke's statement of the rule, but I can interpret it in terms of my +own experiences by way of verifying it. I am sure he has it right. + +The fourth rule is worthy of meditation and prayer; "When you attain +that which you have desired, you shall think more of the kindness of +your fortune than of the greatness of your skill. This will make you +grateful and ready to share with others that which Providence hath +bestowed upon you; and truly this is both reasonable and profitable, +for it is but little that any of us would catch in this world were +not our luck better than our deserts." I shall omit the lesson in +arithmetic to-morrow and have, instead, a lesson in life and living, +using these four rules as the basis of our lesson. My boys and girls +are to have many years of life, I hope, and I'd like to help them to +a right start if I can. Some of my many mistakes might have been +avoided if my teachers had given me some lessons in the art of +living, for it is an art and must be learned. These rules would have +helped, could I have known them. I am glad to know that my pupils +have faith in me. When I pointed out a nettle to them one day, they +avoided it; when I showed them a mushroom that is edible, they +accepted the statement without question. So I'll see what I can do +for them to-morrow with these four rules. Then, if we have time, we +shall learn the lines of Mrs. Higginson: + + "I know a place where the sun is like gold, + And the cherry blooms burst with snow, + And down underneath is the loveliest nook, + Where the four-leaf clovers grow. + + One leaf is for hope, and one is for faith, + And one is for love, you know, + And God put another in for luck-- + If you search, you will find where they grow. + + But you must have hope, and you must have faith, + You must love and be strong--and so, + If you work, if you wait, you will find the place + Where the four-leaf clovers grow." + + + + +CHAPTER XXXI + +MOUNTAIN-CLIMBING + +Mountain-climbing is rare sport. And it is sport if only one has the +courage to do it. We had gone to the top of Vesuvius on the +funicular railway; but one man decided to make the climb. We forgot +the volcano in our admiration of the climber. Foot by foot he made +his way zigzagging this way and that, slipping, falling, and +struggling till at last he reached the summit. Then, fifty throats +poured forth a lusty cheer to do him honor. He was not good to look +at, for his clothing was crumpled and soiled, the veins stood out on +his neck, his hair was tousled, his face was red and streaming with +sweat; yet, for all that, we cheered him and meant it, too. He +acknowledged our applause in an honest, simple way, and then +disappeared in the crowd. He was not posing as a heroic figure, but +was just an honest mountain-climber who accepted the challenge of the +mountain and won. In our cheering we did just what the world does: +we gave the laurel wreath to the man who wins in a test of courage. + +I think "Excelsior" is pretty good stuff in the way of depicting +mountain-climbing, and I always want to cheer that young chap as he +fights his way toward the top. He could have stopped down there in +the valley, where everything was snug and comfortable, but he chose +to climb so as to have a look around. I thought of him one day at +Scheidegg. There we were, nearly a mile and a half above sea-level, +shivering in the midst of ice and snow in mid-July, but we had a look +around that made us glad in spite of the cold. As Virgil says: "It +will be pleasing to remember these things hereafter." I have often +noticed that the old soldiers seem to recall the hardest marches, the +most severe battles, and the greatest privations more vividly than +their every-day experiences. + +So the mountain-climbing that I have been doing with my boys and +girls stands out like a cameo in my retrospective view. Sometimes we +looked back toward the valley, and it seemed so peaceful and +beautiful that it caused the mountain before us to seem ominous. At +such times, when courage seemed to be oozing, we needed to reinforce +one another with words of cheer. The steep places seemed perilously +rough at times, and I could hear a stifled sob somewhere in my little +company. At such times I would urge myself along at a more rapid +pace, that I might reach a higher level and call out to them in +heartening tones to hurry on up to our resting-place. We would often +sing a bit in the midst of our resting, and when the sob had been +changed to a laugh I felt that life was well worth while. + +As we toiled upward I was ever on the lookout for a patch of sunlight +in the midst of the shadows that it might lure them on. And it never +failed. Like magic that sun-spot always quickened their pace, and +they often hailed it with a shout. They would even race toward that +sunny place, their weariness all gone. When a bird sang we always +stopped to listen; and the song acted upon them as the music of a +band acts upon drooping soldiers. On the next stage of the journey +their eyes sparkled, and their step was more elastic. When one +stumbled and fell, we helped him to his feet and praised his effort, +wholly ignoring the fall. Sometimes one would become discouraged and +would want to drop out of the company and return home. When this +happened, we would gather about him and tell him how good it was to +have him with us, how he helped us on, and how sorry we should be to +have him absent when we reached the top. When he decided to keep on +with us, we gave a mighty cheer and then went whistling on our upward +way. + +We constantly vied with one another in discovering chaste bits of +scenery along the way, and we were ever too generous to withhold +praise or to appropriate to ourselves the credit that belonged to +another. If one found the nest of a bird hidden away in the foliage, +we all stopped in admiration. When another discovered a spring +gushing out from beneath the rocks, we all refreshed ourselves with +the limpid water and poured out our thanks to the discoverer. When a +rare flower was found, we took time to examine it minutely till we +all felt joy in the flower and in the finder. To us nothing was ever +small or negligible that any one of our company discovered. If one +started a song we all joined in heartily as if we had been waiting +for that one to lead us in the singing. Thus each one, according to +his gifts and inclinations, became a leader on one or another of the +enterprises connected with our journey. + +So, in time, it seemed to us that the big tree came to meet us in +order to give its kindly shade for our comfort; that the bird poured +forth its song as a special gift to us to give us new courage; that +the flower met us at the right time and place to smile its beauty +into our lives; that each stream laughed its way to our feet to +quench our thirst, and to share with us its coolness; that the mossy +bank gave us a special invitation to enjoy its hospitality; that the +cloud had heard our wishes and came to shield us from the sun, and +that the path came forth from among the thickets to guide us on our +way. Because we were winning, all nature seemed to be cheering us on +as the people cheered the man at Vesuvius. + +Having reached the summit, we sat together in eloquent silence. We +had toiled, and struggled, and suffered together, and so had learned +to think and feel in unison. Our spirits had become fused in a +common purpose, and we could sit in silence and not be abashed. We +had become honest with our surroundings, honest with one another, and +honest with ourselves, and so could smile at mere conventions and +find joy in one another without words. We had encountered honest +difficulties--rocks, trees, streams, sloughs, tangles, sand, and sun, +and had overcome them by honest effort and so had achieved honesty. +We had met and overcome big things, too, and in doing so had grown +big. No longer did our hearts flutter in the presence of little +things, for we had won poise and serenity. + +The fogs had been banished from our minds; our sight had become +clear; our spirits had been enlarged; our courage had been made +strong, and our faith was lifted up. A new horizon opened up before +us that stretched on and on and made us know that life is a big +thing. The sky became our companion with all its myriad stars; the +sea became our neighbor with all the life it holds, and the landscape +became our dooryard, with all its varied beauty and grandeur. The +ships upon the sea and the trains upon the land became our messengers +of service. The wires and the air sped our thoughts abroad and +linked us to the world. We looked straight into the faces of the big +elemental things of life and were not afraid. + +When we came back among our own people, they seemed to know that some +change had taken place and loved us all the more. They came to us +for counsel and comfort, paying silent tribute to the wisdom that had +come to us from the mountain. They looked upon us not as superiors, +but as larger equals. We had learned another language, but had not +forgotten theirs. We nestled down in their affections and told them +of our mountain, and they were glad. + + * * * * * + +And now I sit before the fire and watch the pictures in the +flickering flames. In my reverie I see my boys and girls, companions +in the mountain-climbing, going upon their appointed ways. I see +them healing and comforting the sick, relieving distress, ministering +to the needy, and supplanting darkness with light. I see them in +their efforts to make the world better and more beautiful, and life +more blessed. I see them bringing hope and courage and cheer into +many lives. They are bringing the spirit of the mountain down into +the valley, and men rejoice. Seeing them thus engaged, and hearing +them singing as they go, I can but smile and smile. + + + + + + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Reveries of a Schoolmaster, by Francis B. Pearson + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 13049 *** diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..95edefc --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #13049 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/13049) diff --git a/old/13049.txt b/old/13049.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ba04e21 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/13049.txt @@ -0,0 +1,4867 @@ +Project Gutenberg's Reveries of a Schoolmaster, by Francis B. Pearson + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Reveries of a Schoolmaster + +Author: Francis B. Pearson + +Release Date: July 29, 2004 [EBook #13049] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK REVERIES OF A SCHOOLMASTER *** + + + + +Produced by Al Haines + + + + + + + + + + +REVERIES OF A SCHOOLMASTER + +BY + +FRANCIS B. PEARSON + +STATE SUPERINTENDENT OF PUBLIC INSTRUCTION FOR OHIO + +AUTHOR OF "THE EVOLUTION OF THE TEACHER," "THE HIGH-SCHOOL +PROBLEM," "THE VITALIZED SCHOOL." + + + + + + + +CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS + +NEW YORK CHICAGO BOSTON + + + + +COPYRIGHT, 1917, BY + +CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS + + + + +CONTENTS + +CHAPTER + + I. IN MEDIAS RES + II. RETROSPECT + III. BROWN + IV. PSYCHOLOGICAL + V. BALKING + VI. LANTERNS + VII. COMPLETE LIVING + VIII. MY SPEECH + IX. SCHOOL-TEACHING + X. BEEFSTEAK + XI. FREEDOM + XII. THINGS + XIII. TARGETS + XIV. SINNERS + XV. HOEING POTATOES + XVI. CHANGING THE MIND + XVII. THE POINT OF VIEW + XVIII. PICNICS + XIX. MAKE-BELIEVE + XX. BEHAVIOR + XXI. FOREFINGERS + XXII. STORY-TELLING + XXIII. GRANDMOTHER + XXIV. MY WORLD + XXV. THIS OR THAT + XXVI. RABBIT PEDAGOGY + XXVII. PERSPECTIVE + XXVIII. PURELY PEDAGOGICAL + XXIX. LONGEVITY + XXX. FOUR-LEAF CLOVER + XXXI. MOUNTAIN-CLIMBING + + + + +REVERIES OF A SCHOOLMASTER + + + + +CHAPTER I + +IN MEDIAS RES + +I am rather glad now that I took a little dip (one could scarce call +it a baptism) into the Latin, and especially into Horace, for that +good soul gave me the expression _in medias res_. That is a forceful +expression, right to the heart of things, and applies equally well to +the writing of a composition or the eating of a watermelon. Those +who have crossed the Channel, from Folkstone to Boulogne, know that +the stanch little ship _Invicta_ had scarcely left dock when they +were _in medias res_. They were conscious of it, too, if indeed they +were conscious of anything not strictly personal to themselves. This +expression admits us at once to the light and warmth (if such there +be) of the inner temple nor keeps us shivering out in the vestibule. + +Writers of biography are wont to keep us waiting too long for +happenings that are really worth our while. They tell us that some +one was born at such a time, as if that were really important. Why, +anybody can be born, but it requires some years to determine whether +his being born was a matter of importance either to himself or to +others. When I write my biographical sketch of William Shakespeare I +shall say that in a certain year he wrote "Hamlet," which fact +clearly justified his being born so many years earlier. + +The good old lady said of her pastor: "He enters the pulpit, takes +his text, and then the dear man just goes everywhere preaching the +Gospel." That man had a special aptitude for the _in medias res_ +method of procedure. Many children in school who are not versed in +Latin would be glad to have their teachers endowed with this +aptitude. They are impatient of preliminaries, both in the school +and at the dinner-table. And it is pretty difficult to discover just +where childhood leaves off in this respect. + +So I am grateful to Horace for the expression. Having started right +in the midst of things, one can never get off the subject, and that +is a great comfort. Sometimes college graduates confess (or perhaps +boast) that they have forgotten their Latin. I fear to follow their +example lest my neighbor, who often drops in for a friendly chat, +might get to wondering whether I have not also forgotten much of the +English I am supposed to have acquired in college. He might regard +my English as quite as feeble when compared with Shakespeare or +Milton as my Latin when compared with Cicero or Virgil. So I take +counsel with prudence and keep silent on the subject of Latin. + +When I am taking a stroll in the woods, as I delight to do in the +autumn-time, laundering my soul with the gorgeous colors, the music +of the rustling leaves, the majestic silences, and the sounds that +are less and more than sounds, I often wonder, when I take one +bypath, what experiences I might have had if I had taken the other. +I'll never know, of course, but I keep on wondering. So it is with +this Latin. I wonder how much worse matters could or would have been +if I had never studied it at all. As the old man said to the young +fellow who consulted him as to getting married: "You'll be sorry if +you do, and sorry if you don't." I used to feel a sort of pity for +my pupils to think how they would have had no education at all if +they had not had me as their teacher; now I am beginning to wonder +how much further along they might have been if they had had some +other teacher. But probably most of the misfits in life are in the +imagination, after all. We all think the huckleberries are more +abundant on the other bush. + +Hoeing potatoes is a calm, serene, dignified, and philosophical +enterprise. But at bottom it is much the same in principle as +teaching school. In my potato-patch I am merely trying to create +situations that are favorable to growth, and in the school I can do +neither more nor better. I cannot cause either boys or potatoes to +grow. If I could, I'd certainly have the process patented. I know +no more about how potatoes grow than I do about the fourth dimension +or the unearned increment. But they grow in spite of my ignorance, +and I know that there are certain conditions in which they flourish. +So the best I can do is to make conditions favorable. Nor do I +bother about the weeds. I just centre my attention and my hoe upon +loosening the soil and let the weeds look out for themselves. Hoeing +potatoes is a synthetic process, but cutting weeds is analytic, and +synthesis is better, both for potatoes and for boys. In good time, +if the boy is kept growing, he will have outgrown his stone-bruises, +his chapped hands, his freckles, his warts, and his physical and +spiritual awkwardness. The weeds will have disappeared. + +The potato-patch is your true pedagogical laboratory and +conservatory. If one cannot learn pedagogy there it is no fault of +the potato-patch. Horace must have thought of _in medias res_ while +hoeing potatoes. There is no other way to do it, and that is +bed-rock pedagogy. Just to get right at the work and do it, that's +the very thing the teacher is striving toward. Here among my +potatoes I am actuated by motives, I invest the subject with human +interest, I experience motor activities, I react, I function, and I +go so far as to evaluate. Indeed, I run the entire gamut. And then, +when I am lying beneath the canopy of the wide-spreading tree, I do a +bit of research work in trying to locate the sorest muscle. And, as +to efficiency, well, I give myself a high grade in that and shall +pass _cum laude_ it the matter is left to me. If our grading were +based upon effort rather than achievement, I could bring my aching +back into court, if not my potatoes. But our system of grading in +the schools demands potatoes, no matter much how obtained, with scant +credit for backaches. + +We have farm ballads and farm arithmetics, but as yet no one has +written for us a book on farm pedagogy. I'd do it myself but for the +feeling that some Strayer, or McMurry, or O'Shea will get right at it +as soon as he has come upon this suggestion. That's my one great +trouble. The other fellow has the thing done before I can get around +to it. I would have written "The Message to Garcia," but Mr. Hubbard +anticipated me. Then, I was just ready to write a luminous +description of Yellowstone Falls when I happened upon the one that +DeWitt Talmage wrote, and I could see no reason for writing another. +So it is. I seem always to be just too late. I wish now that I had +written "Recessional" before Kipling got to it. No doubt, the same +thing will happen with my farm pedagogy. If one could only stake a +claim in all this matter of writing as they do in the mining regions, +the whole thing would be simplified. I'd stake my claim on farm +pedagogy and then go on hoeing my potatoes while thinking out what to +say on the subject. + +Whoever writes the book will do well to show how catching a boy is +analogous to catching a colt out in the pasture. Both feats require +tact and, at the very least, horse-sense. The other day I wanted to +catch my colt and went out to the pasture for that purpose. There is +a hill in the pasture, and I went to the top of this and saw the colt +at the far side of the pasture in what we call the swale--low, wet +ground, where weeds abound. I didn't want to get my shoes soiled, so +I stood on the hill and called and called. The colt looked up now +and then and then went on with his own affairs. In my chagrin I was +just about ready to get angry when it occurred to me that the colt +wasn't angry, and that I ought to show as good sense as a mere horse. +That reflection relieved the tension somewhat, and I thought it wise +to meditate a bit. Here am I; yonder is the colt. I want him; he +doesn't want me. He will not come to me; so I must go to him. Then, +what? Oh, yes, native interests--that's it, native interests. I'm +much obliged to Professor James for reminding me. Now, just what are +the native interests of a colt? Why, oats, of course. So, I must +return to the barn and get a pail of oats. An empty pail might do +once, but never again. So I must have oats in my pail. Either a +colt or a boy becomes shy after he has once been deceived. The boy +who fails to get oats in the classroom to-day, will shy off from the +teacher to-morrow. He will not even accept her statement that there +is oats in the pail, for yesterday the pail was empty--nothing but +sound. + +But even with pail and oats I had to go to the colt, getting my shoes +soiled and my clothes torn, but there was no other way. I must begin +where the colt (or boy) is, as the book on pedagogy says. I wanted +to stay on the hill where everything was agreeable, but that wouldn't +get the colt. Now, if Mr. Charles H. Judd cares to elaborate this +outline, I urge no objection and shall not claim the protection of +copyright. I shall be only too glad to have him make clear to all of +us the pedagogical recipe for catching colts and boys. + + + + +CHAPTER II + +RETROSPECT + +Mr. Patrick Henry was probably correct in saying that there is no way +of judging the future but by the past, and, to my thinking, he might +well have included the present along with the future. Today is +better or worse than yesterday or some other day in the past, just as +this cherry pie is better or worse than some past cherry pie. But +even this pie may seem a bit less glorious than the pies of the past, +because of my jaded appetite--a fact that is easily lost sight of. +Folks who extol the glories of the good old times may be forgetting +that they are not able to relive the emotions that put the zest into +those past events. We used to go to "big meeting" in a two-horse +sled, with the wagon-body half filled with hay and heaped high with +blankets and robes. The mercury might be low in the tube, but we +recked not of that. Our indifference to climatic conditions was not +due alone to the wealth of robes and blankets, but the proximity of +another member of the human family may have had something to do with +it. If we could reconstruct the emotional life of those good old +times, the physical conditions would take their rightful place as a +background. + +If we could only bring back the appetite of former years we might +find this pie better than the pies of old. The good brother who +seems to think the textbooks of his boyhood days were better than the +modern ones forgets that along with the old-time textbooks went +skating, rabbit-hunting, snowballing, coasting, fishing, sock-up, +bull-pen, two-old-cat, townball, and shinny-on-the-ice. He is +probably confusing those majors with the text-book minor. His +criticism of things and books modern is probably a voicing of his +regret that he has lost his zeal for the fun and frolic of youth. If +he could but drink a few copious drafts from the Fountain of Youth, +the books of the present might not seem so inferior after all. The +bread and apple-butter stage of our hero's career may seem to dim the +lustre of the later porterhouse steak, but with all the glory of the +halcyon days of yore it is to be noted that he rides in an automobile +and not in an ox-cart, and prefers electricity to the good old +oil-lamp. + +I concede with enthusiasm the joys of bygone days, and would be glad +to repeat those experiences with sundry very specific reservations +and exceptions. That thick bread with its generous anointing of +apple butter discounted all the nectar and ambrosia of the books and +left its marks upon the character as well as the features of the +recipient. The mouth waters even now as I recall the bill of fare +plus the appetite. But if I were going back to the good old days I'd +like to take some of the modern improvements along with me. It +thrills me to consider the modern school credits for home work with +all the "57 varieties" as an integral feature of the good old days. +Alas, how much we missed by not knowing about all this! What +miracles might have been wrought had we and our teachers only known! +Poor, ignorant teachers! Little did they dream that such wondrous +things could ever be. Life might have been made a glad, sweet song +for us had it been supplied with these modern attachments. I spent +many weary hours over partial payments in Ray's Third Part, when I +might have been brushing my teeth or combing my hair instead. Then, +instead of threading the mazes of Greene's Analysis and parsing +"Thanatopsis," I might just as well have been asleep in the haymow, +where ventilation was super-abundant. How proudly could I have +produced the home certificate as to my haymow experience and received +an exhilarating grade in grammar! + +Just here I interrupt myself to let the imagination follow me +homeward on the days when grades were issued. The triumphal +processions of the Romans would have been mild by comparison. The +arch look upon my face, the martial mien, and the flashing eye all +betoken the real hero. Then the pride of that home, the sumptuous +feast of chicken and angel-food cake, and the parental acclaim--all +befitting the stanch upholder of the family honor. Of course, +nothing like this ever really happened, which goes to prove that I +was born years too early in the world's history. The more I think of +this the more acute is my sympathy with Maud Muller. That girl and I +could sigh a duet thinking what might have been. Why, I might have +had my college degree while still wearing short trousers. I was +something of an adept at milking cows and could soon have eliminated +the entire algebra by the method of substitution. Milking the cows +was one of my regular tasks, anyhow, and I could thus have combined +business with pleasure. And if by riding a horse to water I could +have gained immunity from the _Commentaries_ by one Julius Caesar, +full lustily would I have shouted, _a la_ Richard III: "A horse! A +horse! My kingdom for a horse!" + +One man advocates the plan of promoting pupils in the schools on the +basis of character, and this plan strongly appeals to me as right, +plausible, and altogether feasible. Had this been proposed when I +was a schoolboy I probably should have made a few conditions, or at +least have asked a few questions. I should certainly have wanted to +know who was to be the judge in the matter, and what was his +definition of character. Much would have depended upon that. If he +had decreed that cruelty to animals indicates a lack of character and +then proceeded to denominate as cruelty to animals such innocent +diversions as shooting woodpeckers in a cherry-tree with a Flobert +rifle, or smoking chipmunks out from a hollow log, or tying a strip +of red flannel to a hen's tail to take her mind off the task of +trying to hatch a door-knob, or tying a tin can to a dog's tail to +encourage him in his laudable enterprise of demonstrating the +principle of uniformly accelerated motion--if he had included these +and other such like harmless antidotes for ennui in his category, I +should certainly have asked to be excused from his character +curriculum and should have pursued the even tenor of my ways, +splitting kindling, currying the horse, washing the buggy, carrying +water from the pump to the kitchen and saying, "Thank you," to my +elders as the more agreeable avenue of promotion. + +If we had had character credits in the good old days I might have won +distinction in school and been saved much embarrassment in later +years. Instead of learning the latitude and longitude of Madagascar, +Chattahoochee, and Kamchatka, I might have received high grades in +geography by abstaining from the chewing of gum, by not wearing my +hands in my trousers-pockets, by walking instead of ambling or +slouching, by wiping the mud from my shoes before entering the house, +by a personally conducted tour through the realms of manicuring, and +by learning the position and use of the hat-rack. Getting no school +credits for such incidental minors in the great scheme of life, I +grew careless and indifferent and acquired a reputation that I do not +care to dwell upon. If those who had me in charge, or thought they +had, had only been wise and given me school credits for all these +things, what a model boy I might have been! + +Why, I would have swallowed my pride, donned a kitchen apron, and +washed the supper dishes, and no normal boy enjoys that ceremony. By +making passes over the dishes I should have been exorcising the +spooks of cube root, and that would have been worth some personal +sacrifice. What a boon it would have been for the home folks too! +They could have indulged their penchant for literary exercises, +sitting in the parlor making out certificates for me to carry to my +teacher next day, and so all the rough places in the home would have +been made smooth. But the crowning achievement would have been my +graduation from college. I can see the picture. I am husking corn +in the lower field. To reach this field one must go the length of +the orchard and then walk across the meadow. It is a crisp autumn +day, about ten o'clock in the morning, and the sun is shining. The +golden ears are piling up under my magic skill, and there is peace. +As I take down another bundle from the shock I descry what seems to +be a sort of procession wending its way through the orchard. Then +the rail fence is surmounted, and the procession solemnly moves +across the meadow. In time the president and an assortment of +faculty members stand before me, bedight in caps and gowns. I note +that their gowns are liberally garnished with Spanish needles and +cockleburs, and their shoes give evidence of contact with elemental +mud. But then and there they confer upon me the degree of bachelor +of arts _magna cum laude_. But for this interruption I could have +finished husking that row before the dinner-horn blew. + + + + +CHAPTER III + +BROWN + +My neighbor came in again this evening, not for anything in +particular, but unconsciously proving that men are gregarious +animals. I like this neighbor. His name is Brown. I like the name +Brown, too. It is easy to pronounce. By a gentle crescendo you go +to the summit and then coast to the bottom. The name Brown, when +pronounced, is a circumflex accent. Now, if his name had happened to +be Moriarity I never could be quite sure when I came to the end in +pronouncing it. I'm glad his name is not Moriarity--not because it +is Irish, for I like the Irish; so does Brown, for he is married to +one of them. Any one who has been in Cork and heard the fine old +Irishman say in his musical and inimitable voice, "Tis a lovely dye," +such a one will ever after have a snug place in his affections for +the Irish, whether he has kissed the "Blarney stone" or not. If he +has heard this same driver of a jaunting-car rhapsodize about +"Shandon Bells" and the author, Father Prout, his admiration for +things and people Irish will become well-nigh a passion. He will not +need to add to his mental picture, for the sake of emphasis or color, +the cherry-cheeked maids who lead their mites of donkeys along leafy +roads, the carts heaped high with cabbages. Even without this +addition he will become expansive when he speaks of Ireland and the +Irish. + +But, as I was saying, Brown came in this evening just to barter small +talk, as we often do. Now, in physical build Brown is somewhere +between Falstaff and Cassius, while in mental qualities he is an +admixture of Plato, Solomon, and Bill Nye. + +When he drops in we do not discuss matters, nor even converse; we +talk. Our talk just oozes out and flows whither it wills, or little +wisps of talk drift into the silences, and now and then a dash of +homely philosophy splashes into the talking. Brown is a real +comfort. He is never cryptic, nor enigmatic, at least consciously +so, nor does he ever try to be impressive. If he were a teacher he +would attract his pupils by his good sense, his sincerity, his +simplicity, and his freedom from pose. I cannot think of him as ever +becoming teachery, with a high-pitched voice and a hysteric manner. +He has too much poise for that. He would never discuss things with +children. He would talk with them. Brown cannot walk on stilts, nor +has the air-ship the least fascination for him. + +One of my teachers for a time was Doctor T. C. Mendenhall, and he was +a great teacher. He could sound the very depths of his subject and +simply talk it. He led us to think, and thinking is not a noisy +process. Truth to tell, his talks often caused my poor head to ache +from overwork. But I have been in classes where the oases of thought +were far apart and one could doze and dream on the journey from one +to the other. Doctor Mendenhall's teaching was all white meat, sweet +to the taste, and altogether nourishing. He is the man who made the +first correct copy of Shakespeare's epitaph there in the church at +Stratford-on-Avon. I sent a copy of Doctor Mendenhall's version to +Mr. Brassinger, the librarian in the Memorial Building, and have +often wondered what his comment was. He never told me. There are +those "who, having eyes, see not." There had been thousands of +people who had looked at that epitaph with the printed copy in hand, +and yet had never noticed the discrepancy, and it remained for an +American to point out the mistake. But that is Doctor Mendenhall's +way. He is nothing if not thorough, and that proves his scientific +mind. + +Well, Brown fell to talking about the Isle of Pines, in the course of +our verbal exchanges, and I drew him out a bit, receiving a liberal +education on the subjects of grapefruit, pineapples, and bananas. +From my school-days I have carried over the notion that the Caribbean +Sea is one of the many geographical myths with which the +school-teacher is wont to intimidate boys who would far rather be +scaring rabbits out from under a brush heap. But here sits a man who +has travelled upon the Caribbean Sea, and therefore there must be +such a place. Our youthful fancies do get severe jolts! From my own +experience I infer that much of our teaching in the schools doesn't +take hold, that the boys and girls tolerate it but do not believe. I +cannot recall just when I first began to believe in Mt. Vesuvius, but +I am quite certain that it was not in my school-days. It may have +been in my teaching-days, but I'm not quite certain. I have often +wondered whether we teachers really believe all we try to teach. I +feel a pity for poor Sisyphus, poor fellow, rolling that stone to the +top of the hill, and then having to do the work all over when the +stone rolled to the bottom. But that is not much worse than trying +to teach Caribbean Sea and Mt. Vesuvius, if we can't really believe +in them. But here is Brown, metamorphosed into a psychologist who +begins with the known, yea, delightfully known grapefruit which I had +at breakfast, and takes me on a fascinating excursion till I arrive, +by alluring stages, at the related unknown, the Caribbean Sea. Too +bad that Brown isn't a teacher. + +Brown has the gift of holding on to a thing till his craving for +knowledge is satisfied. Somewhere he had come upon some question +touching a campanile or, possibly, _the_ Campanile, as it seemed to +him. Nor would he rest content until I had extracted what the books +have to say on the subject. He had in mind the Campanile at Venice, +not knowing that the one beside the Duomo at Florence is higher than +the one at Venice, and that the Leaning Tower at Pisa is a campanile, +or bell-tower, also. When I told him that one of my friends saw the +Campanile at Venice crumble to a heap of ruins on that Sunday morning +back in 1907, and that another friend had been of the last party to +go to the top of it the evening before, he became quite excited, and +then I knew that I had succeeded in investing the subject with human +interest, and I felt quite the schoolmaster. Nothing of this did I +mention to Brown, for there is no need to exploit the mental +machinery if only you get results. + +Many people who travel abroad buy postcards by the score, and seem to +feel that they are the original discoverers of the places which these +cards portray, and yet these very places were the background of much +of their history and geography in the schools. Can it be that their +teachers failed to invest these places with human interest, that they +were but words in a book and not real to them at all? Must I travel +all the way to Yellowstone Park to know a geyser? Alas! in that +case, many of us poor school-teachers must go through life +geyserless. Wondrous tales and oft heard I in my school-days of +glacier, iceberg, canyon, snow-covered mountain, grotto, causeway, +and volcano, but not till I came to Grindelwald did I really know +what a glacier is. There's many a Doubting Thomas in the schools. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +PSYCHOLOGICAL + +The psychologist is so insistent in proclaiming his doctrine of +negative self-feeling and positive self-feeling that one is impelled +to listen out of curiosity, if nothing else. Then, just as you are +beginning to get a little glimmering as to his meaning, another one +begins to assail your ears with a deal of sesquipedalian English +about the emotion of subjection and the emotion of elation. Just as +I began to think I was getting a grip of the thing a college chap +came in and proceeded to enlighten me by saying that these two +emotions may be generated only by personal relations, and not by +relations of persons and things. I was thinking of my emotion of +subjection in the presence of an original problem in geometry, but +this college person tells me that this negative self-feeling, +according to psychology, is experienced only in the presence of +another person. Well, I have had that experience, too. In fact, my +negative self-feeling is of frequent occurrence. Jacob must have had +a rather severe attack of the emotion of subjection when he was +trying to escape from the wrath of Esau. But, after his experience +at Bethel, where he received a blessing and a promise, there was a +shifting from the negative self-feeling to the positive--from the +emotion of subjection to that of elation. + +The stone which Jacob used that night as a pillow, so we are told, is +called the Stone of Scone, and is to be seen in the body of the +Coronation Chair in Westminster Abbey. The use of that stone as a +part of the chair might seem to be a psychological coincidence, +unless, indeed, we can conceive that the fabricators of the chair +combined a knowledge of psychology and also of the Bible in its +construction. It is an interesting conceit, at any rate, that the +stone might bring to kings and queens a blessing and a promise, as it +had done for Jacob, averting the emotion of subjection and +perpetuating the emotion of elation. + +Now, there's Hazzard, the big, glorious Hazzard. I met him first on +the deck of the S. S. _Campania_, and I gladly agreed to his proposal +that we travel together. He is a large man (one need not be more +specific) and a veritable steam-engine of activity and energy. It +was altogether natural, therefore, that he should assume the +leadership of our party of two in all matters touching places, modes +of travel, hotels, and other details large and small, while I trailed +along in his wake. This order continued for some days, and I, of +course, experienced all the while the emotion of subjection in some +degree. When we came to the Isle of Man we puzzled our heads no +little over the curious coat of arms of that quaint little country. +This coat of arms is three human legs, equidistant from one another. +At Peel we made numerous inquiries, and also at Ramsey, but to no +avail. In the evening, however, in the hotel at Douglas I saw a +picture of this coat of arms, accompanied by the inscription, +_Quocumque jeceris stabit_, and gave some sort of translation of it. +Then and there came my emancipation, for after that I was consulted +and deferred to during all the weeks we were together. It is quite +improbable that Hazzard himself realized any change in our relations, +but unconsciously paid that subtle tribute to my small knowledge of +Latin. When we came to Stratford I did not call upon Miss Marie +Corelli, for I had heard that she is quite averse to men as a class, +and I feared I might suffer an emotional collapse. I was so +comfortable in my newly acquainted emotion of elation that I decided +to run no risks. + +When at length I resumed my schoolmastering I determined to give the +boys and girls the benefit of my recent discovery. I saw that I must +generate in each one, if possible, the emotion of elation, that I +must so arrange school situations that mastery would become a habit +with them if they were to become "masters in the kingdom of life," as +my friend Long says it. I saw at once that the difficulties must be +made only high enough to incite them to effort, but not so high as to +cause discouragement. I recalled the sentence in Harvey's Grammar: +"Milo began to lift the ox when he was a calf." After we had +succeeded in locating the antecedent of "he" we learned from this +sentence a lesson of value, and I recalled this lesson in my efforts +to inculcate progressive mastery in the boys and girls of my school. +I sometimes deferred a difficult problem for a few days till they had +lifted the growing calf a few more times, and then returned to it. +Some one says that everything is infinitely high that we can't see +over, so I was careful to arrange the barriers just a bit lower than +the eye-line of my pupils, and then raise them a trifle on each +succeeding day. In this way I strove to generate the positive +self-feeling so that there should be no depression and no white flag. +And that surely was worth a trip to the Isle of Man, even if one +failed to see one of their tailless cats. + +I had occasion or, rather, I took occasion at one time to punish a +boy with a fair degree of severity (may the Lord forgive me), and +now. I know that in so doing I was guilty of a grave error. What I +interpreted as misconduct was but a straining at his leash in an +effort to extricate himself from the incubus of the negative +self-feeling. He was, and probably is, a dull fellow and realized +that he could not cope with the other boys in the school studies, and +so was but trying to win some notice in other fields of activity. To +him notoriety was preferable to obscurity. If I had only been wise I +would have turned his inclination to good account and might have +helped him to self-mastery, if not to the mastery of algebra. He +yearned for the emotion of elation, and I was trying to perpetuate +his emotion of subjection. If Methuselah had been a schoolmaster he +might have attained proficiency by the time he reached the age of +nine hundred and sixty-eight years if he had been a close observer, a +close student of methods, and had been willing and able to profit by +his own mistakes. + +Friend Virgil says something like this: "They can because they think +they can," and I heartily concur. Some one tells us that Kent in +"King Lear" got his name from the Anglo-Saxon word can and he was +aptly named, in view of Virgil's statement. But can I cause my boys +and girls to think they can? Why, most assuredly, if I am any sort +of teacher. Otherwise I ought to be dealing with inanimate things +and leave the school work to those who can. I certainly can help +young folks to shift from the emotion of subjection to the emotion of +elation. I had a puppy that we called Nick and thought I'd like to +teach him to go up-stairs. When he came to the first stair he cried +and cowered and said, in his language, that it was too high, and that +he could never do it. So, in a soothing way, I quoted Virgil at him +and placed his front paws upon the step. Then he laughed a bit and +said the step wasn't as high as the moon, after all. So I patted him +and called him a brave little chap, and he gained the higher level. +Then we rested for a bit and spent the time in being glad, for Nick +and I had read our "Pollyanna" and had learned the trick of gladness. +Well, before the day was over that puppy could go up the stairs +without the aid of a teacher, and a gladder dog never was. If I had +taken as much pains with that boy as I did with Nick I'd feel far +more comfortable right now, and the boy would have felt more +comfortable both then and after. O schoolmastering! How many sins +are committed in thy name! I succeeded with the puppy, but failed +with the boy. A boy does not go to school to study algebra, but +studies algebra to learn mastery. I know this now, but did not know +it then, more's the pity! + +I had another valuable lesson in this phase of pedagogy the day my +friend Vance and I sojourned to Indianapolis to call upon Mr. +Benjamin Harrison, who had somewhat recently completed his term as +President of the United States. We were fortified with ample and +satisfactory credentials and had a very fortunate introduction; but +for all that we were inclined to walk softly into the presence of +greatness, and had a somewhat acute attack of negative self-feeling. +However, after due exchange of civilities, we succeeded somehow in +preferring the request that had brought us into his presence, and Mr. +Harrison's reply served to reassure us. Said he: "Oh, no, boys, I +couldn't do that; last year I promised Bok to write some articles for +his journal, and I didn't have any fun all summer." His two words, +"boys" and "fun," were the magic ones that caused the tension to +relax and generated the emotion of elation. We then sat back in our +chairs and, possibly, crossed our legs--I can't be certain as to +that. At any rate, in a single sentence this man had made us his +co-ordinates and caused the negative self-feeling to vanish. Then +for a good half-hour he talked in a familiar way about great affairs, +and in a style that charmed. He told us of a call he had the day +before from David Starr. Jordan, who came to report his experience +as a member of the commission that had been appointed to adjudicate +the controversy between the United States and England touching +seal-fishing in the Behring Sea. It may be recalled that this +commission consisted of two Americans, two Englishmen, and King Oscar +of Sweden. Mr. Harrison told us quite frankly that he felt a mistake +had been made in making up the commission, for, with two Americans +and two Englishmen on the commission, the sole arbiter in reality was +King Oscar, since the other four were reduced to the plane of mere +advocates; but, had there been three Americans and two Englishmen, or +two Americans and three Englishmen, the function of all would have +been clearly judicial. Suffice it to say that this great man made us +forget our emotion of subjection, and so made us feel that he would +have been a great teacher, just as he was a great statesman. I shall +always be grateful for the lesson he taught me and, besides, I am +glad that the college chap came in and gave me that psychological +massage. + + + + +CHAPTER V + +BALKING + +When I write my book on farm pedagogy I shall certainly make large +use of the horse in illustrating the fundamental principles, for he +is a noble animal and altogether worthy of the fullest recognition. +We often use the expression "horse-sense" somewhat flippantly, but I +have often seen a driver who would have been a more useful member of +society if he had had as much sense as the horses he was driving. If +I were making a catalogue of the "lower animals" I'd certainly +include the man who abuses a horse. Why, the celebrated German +trick-horse, Hans, had even the psychologists baffled for a long +time, but finally he taught them a big chapter in psychology. They +finally discovered that his marvellous tricks were accomplished +through the power of close observation. Facial expression, twitching +of a muscle, movements of the head, these were the things he watched +for as his cue in answering questions by indicating the right card. +There was a teacher in our school once who wore old-fashioned +spectacles. When he wanted us to answer a question in a certain way +he unconsciously looked over his spectacles; but when he wanted a +different answer he raised his spectacles to his forehead. So we +ranked high in our daily grades, but met our Waterloo when the +examination came around. That teacher, of course, had never heard of +the horse Hans, and so was not aware that in the process of watching +his movements we were merely proving that we had horse-sense. He +probably attributed our ready answers to the superiority of his +teaching, not realizing that our minds were concentrated upon the +subject of spectacles. + +Of course, a horse balks now and then, and so does a boy. I did a +bit of balking myself as a boy, and I am not quite certain that I +have even yet become immune. Doctor James Wallace (whose edition of +"Anabasis" some of us have read, halting and stumbling along through +the parasangs) with three companions went out to Marathon one day +from Athens. The distance, as I recall it, is about twenty-two +miles, and they left early in the morning, so as to return the same +day. Their conveyance was an open wagon with two horses attached. +When they had gone a mile or two out of town one of the horses balked +and refused to proceed. Then and there each member of the party drew +upon his past experiences, seeking a panacea for the equine +delinquency. One suggested the plan of building a fire under the +recalcitrant horse, while another suggested pouring sand into his +ears. Doctor Wallace discouraged these remedies as being cruel and +finally told the others to take their places in the wagon and he +would try the merits of a plan he had in mind. Accordingly, when +they were seated, he clambered over the dash, walked along the +wagon-pole, and suddenly plumped himself down upon the horse's back. +Then away they went, John Gilpin like, Doctor Wallace's coat-tails +and hair streaming out behind. + +There was no more balking in the course of the trip, and no one +(save, possibly, the horse) had any twinges of conscience to keep him +awake that night. The incident is brimful of pedagogy in that it +shows that, in order to cure a horse of an attack of balking, you +have but to distract his mind from his balking and get him to +thinking of something else. Before this occurrence taught me the +better way, I was quite prone, in dealing with a balking boy, to hold +his mind upon the subject of balking. I told him how unseemly it +was, how humiliated his father and mother would be, how he could not +grow up to be a useful citizen if he yielded to such tantrums; in +short, I ran the gamut of all the pedagogical bromides, and so kept +his mind centred upon balking. Now that I have learned better, I +strive to divert his mind to something eke, and may ask him to go +upon some pleasant errand that he may gain some new experiences. +When he returns he has forgotten that he was balking and recounts his +experiences most delightfully. + +Ed was one of the balkiest boys I ever had in my school. His attacks +would often last for days, and the more attention you paid to him the +worse he balked. In the midst of one of these violent and prolonged +attacks a lady came to school who, in the kindness of her generous +nature, was proposing to give a boy Joe (now a city alderman) a +Christmas present of a new hat. She came to invoke my aid in trying +to discover the size of Joe's head. I readily undertook the task, +which loomed larger and larger as I came fully to realize that I was +the sole member of the committee of ways and means. In my dire +perplexity I saw Ed grouching along the hall. Calling him to one +side, I explained to the last detail the whole case, and confessed +that I did not know how to proceed. At once his face brightened, and +he readily agreed to make the discovery for me; and in half an hour I +had the information I needed and Ed's face was luminous. Yes, Joe +got the hat and Ed quit balking. If Doctor Wallace had not gone to +Marathon that day I can scarcely imagine what might have happened to +Ed; and Joe might not have received a new hat. + +I have often wondered whether a horse has a sense of humor. I know a +boy has, and I very strongly suspect that the horse has. It was one +of my tasks in boyhood to take the horses down to the creek for +water. Among others we had a roan two-year-old colt that we called +Dick, and even yet I think of him as quite capable of laughter at +some of his own mischievous pranks. One day I took him to water, +dispensing with the formalities of a bridle, and riding him down +through the orchard with no other habiliments than a rope halter. In +the orchard were several trees of the bellflower variety, whose +branches sagged near to the ground. Dick was going along very +decorously and sedately, as if he were studying the golden text or +something equally absorbing, when, all at once, some spirit of +mischief seemed to possess him and away he bolted, willy-nilly, right +under the low-hanging branches of one of those trees. Of course, I +was raked fore and aft, and, while I did not imitate the example of +Absalom, I afforded a fairly good imitation, with the difference +that, through many trials and tribulations, I finally reached the +ground. Needless to say that I was a good deal of a wreck, with my +clothing much torn and my hands and face not only much torn but also +bleeding. After relieving himself of his burden, Dick meandered on +down to the creek in leisurely fashion, where I came upon him in due +time enjoying a lunch of grass. + +Walking toward the creek, sore in body and spirit, I fully made up my +mind to have a talk with that colt that he would not soon forget. He +had put shame upon me, and I determined to tell him so. But when I +came upon him looking so lamblike in his innocence, and when I +imagined that I heard him chuckle at my plight, my resolution +evaporated, and I realized that in a trial of wits he had got the +better of me. Moreover, I conceded right there that he had a right +to laugh, and especially when he saw me so superlatively scrambled. +He had beaten me on my own ground and convicted me of knowing less +than a horse, so I could but yield the palm to him with what grace I +could command. Many a time since that day have I been unhorsed, and +by a mere boy who laughed at my discomfiture. But I learned my +lesson from Dick and have always tried, though grimly, to applaud the +victor in the tournament of wits. Only so could I hold the respect +of the boy, not to mention my own. If a boy sets a trap for me and I +walk into it, well, if he doesn't laugh at me he isn't much of a boy; +and if I can't laugh with him I am not much of a schoolmaster. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +LANTERNS + +I may be mistaken, but my impression is that "The Light of the +World," by Holman Hunt, is the only celebrated picture in the world +of which there are two originals. One of these may be seen at Oxford +and the other in St. Paul's, London. Neither is a copy of the other, +and yet they are both alike, so far as one may judge without having +them side by side. The picture represents Christ standing at a door +knocking, with a lantern in one hand from which light is streaming. +When I think of a lantern the mind instantly flashes to this picture, +to Diogenes and his lantern, and to the old tin lantern with its +perforated cylinder which I used to carry out to the barn to arrange +the bed-chambers for the horses. All my life have I been hearing +folks speak of the association of ideas as if one idea could conjure +up innumerable others. The lantern that I carried to the barn never +could have been associated with Diogenes if I had not read of the +philosopher, nor with the picture at Oxford if I had never seen or +heard of it. In order that we have association of ideas, we must +first have the ideas, according to my way of thinking. + +Thus it chanced that when I came upon some reference to Holman Hunt +and his great masterpiece, my mind glanced over to the cynical +philosopher and his lantern. The more I ponder over that lantern the +more puzzled I become as to its real significance. The popular +notion is that it is meant to show how difficult it was in his day to +find an honest man. But popular conceptions are sometimes +superficial ones, and if Diogenes was the philosopher we take him to +have been there must have been more to that lantern than the mere +eccentricity of the man who carried it. If we could go back of the +lantern we might find the cynic's definition of honesty, and that +would be worth knowing. Back home we used to say that an honest man +is one who pays his debts and has due respect for property rights. +Perhaps Diogenes had gone more deeply into the matter of paying debts +as a mark of honesty than those who go no further in their thinking +than the grocer, the butcher, and the tax-man. + +This all tends to set me thinking of my own debts and the possibility +of full payment. I'm just a schoolmaster and people rather expect me +to be somewhat visionary or even fantastic in my notions. But, with +due allowance for my vagaries, I cannot rid myself of the feeling +that I am deeply in debt to somebody for the Venus de Milo. She has +the reputation of being the very acme of sculpture, and certainly the +Parisians so regard her or they would not pay her such a high tribute +in the way of space and position. She is the focus of that whole +wonderful gallery. No one has ever had the boldness to give her a +place in the market quotations, but I can regale myself with her +beauty for a mere pittance. This pittance does not at all cancel my +indebtedness, and I come away feeling that I still owe something to +somebody, without in the least knowing who it is or how I am to pay. +I can't even have the poor satisfaction of making proper +acknowledgment to the sculptor. + +I can acknowledge my obligation to Michael Angelo for the Sistine +ceiling, but that doesn't cancel my indebtedness by any means. It +took me fifteen years to find the Cumaean Sibyl. I had seen a +reproduction of this lady in some book, and had become much +interested in her generous physique, her brawny arms, her +wide-spreading toes, and her look of concentration as she delves into +the mysteries of the massive volume before her. Naturally I became +curious as to the original, and wondered if I should ever meet her +face to face. Then one day I was lying on my back on a wooden bench +in the Sistine Chapel, having duly apologized for my violation of the +conventions, when, wonder of wonders, there was the Cumaean Sibyl in +full glory right before my eyes, and the quest of all those years was +ended in triumph. True, the Sibyl does not compare in greatness with +the "Creation of Adam" in one of the central panels, but for all that +I was glad to have her definitely localized. + +I have never got it clearly figured out just how the letters of the +alphabet were evolved, nor who did the work, but I go right on using +them as if I had evolved them myself. They seem to be my own +personal property, and I jostle them about quite careless of the fact +that some one gave them to me. I can't see how I could get on +without them, and yet I have never admitted any obligation to their +author. The same is true of the digits. I make constant use of +them, and sometimes even abuse them, as if I had a clear title to +them. I have often wondered who worked out the table of logarithms, +and have thought how much more agreeable life has been for many +people because of his work. I know my own debt to him is large, and +I dare say many others have a like feeling. Even the eighth-grade +boys in the Castle Road school, London, share this feeling, +doubtless, for in a test in arithmetic that I saw there I noted that +in four of the twelve problems set for solution they had permission +to use their table of logarithms. They probably got home earlier for +supper by their use of this table. + +I hereby make my humble apologies to Mr. Thomas A. Edison for my +thoughtlessness in not writing to him before this to thank him for +his many acts of kindness to me. I have been exceedingly careless in +the matter. I owe him for the comfort and convenience of this +beautiful electric light, and yet have never mentioned the matter to +him. He has a right to think me an ingrate. I have been so busy +enjoying the gifts he has sent me that I have been negligent of the +giver. As I think of all my debts to scientists, inventors, artists, +poets, and statesmen, and consider how impossible it is for me to pay +all my debts to all these, try as I may, I begin to see how difficult +it was for Diogenes to find a man who paid all his debts in full. +Hence, the lantern. + +It seems to me that, of the varieties of late potatoes the Carmen is +the premier. Part of the charm of hoeing potatoes lies in +anticipating the joys of the potato properly baked. Charles Lamb may +write of his roast pig, and the epicures among the ancients may +expatiate upon the glories of a dish of peacock's tongues and their +other rare and costly edibles, but they probably never knew to what +heights one may ascend in the scale of gastronomic joys in the +immediate presence of a baked Carmen. When it is broken open the +steam ascends like incense from an altar, while at the magic touch +the snowy, flaky substance billows forth upon the plate in a drift +that would inspire the pen of a poet. The further preliminaries +amount to a ceremony. There can be, there must be no haste. The +whole summer lies back of this moment. There on the plate are weeks +of golden sunshine, interwoven with the singing of birds and the +fragrance of flowers; and it were sacrilege to become hurried at the +consummation. When the meat has been made fine the salt and pepper +are applied, deliberately, daintily, and then comes the butter, like +the golden glow of sunset upon a bank of flaky clouds. The artist +tries in vain to rival this blending of colors and shades. But the +supreme moment and the climax come when the feast is glorified and +set apart by its baptism of cream. At such a moment the sense of my +indebtedness to the man who developed the Carmen becomes most acute. +If the leaders of contending armies could sit together at this table +and join in this gracious ceremony, their rancor and enmity would +cease, the protocol would be signed, and there would ensue a +proclamation of peace. Then the whole world would recognize its debt +to the man who produced this potato. + +Having eaten the peace-producing potato, I feel strengthened to make +another trial at an interpretation of that lantern. I do not know +whether Diogenes had any acquaintance with the Decalogue, but have my +doubts. In fact, history gives us too few data concerning his +attainments for a clear exposition of his character. But one may +hazard a guess that he was looking for a man who would not steal, but +could not find him. In a sense that was a high compliment to the +people of his day, for there is a sort of stealing that takes rank +among the fine arts. In fact, stealing is the greatest subject that +is taught in the school. I cannot recall a teacher who did not +encourage me to strive for mastery in this art. Every one of them +applauded my every success in this line. One of my early triumphs +was reciting "Horatius at the Bridge," and my teacher almost +smothered me with praise. I simply took what Macaulay had written +and made it my own. I had some difficulty in making off with the +conjugation of the Greek verb, but the more I took of it the more my +teacher seemed pleased. All along the line I have been encouraged to +appropriate what others have produced and to take joy in my +pilfering. Mr. Carnegie has lent his sanction to this sort of thing +by fostering libraries. Shakespeare was arrested for stealing a +deer, but extolled for stealing the plots of "Romeo and Juliet," +"Comedy of Errors," and others of his plays. It seems quite all +right to steal ideas, or even thoughts, and this may account again +for the old man's lantern. But, even so, it would seem quite +iconoclastic to say that education is the process of reminding people +of their debts and of training them to steal. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +COMPLETE LIVING + +In my quiet way I have been making inquiries among my acquaintances +for a long time, trying to find out what education really is. As a +schoolmaster I must try to make it appear that I know. In fact, I am +quite a Sir Oracle on the subject of education in my school. But, in +the quiet of my den, after the day's work is done, I often long for +some one to come in and tell me just what it is. I am fairly +conversant with the multiplication table and can distinguish between +active and passive verbs, but even with these attainments I somehow +feel that I have not gone to the extreme limits of the meaning of +education. In reality, I don't know what it is or what it is for. I +do wish that the man who says in his book that education is a +preparation for complete living would come into this room right now, +sit down in that chair, and tell me, man to man, what complete living +is. I want to know and think I have a right to know. Besides, he +has no right to withhold this information from me. He had no right +to get me all stirred up with his definition, and then go away and +leave me dangling in the air. If he were here I'd ask him a few +pointed questions. I'd ask him to tell me just how the fact that +seven times nine is sixty-three is connected up with complete living. +I'd want him to explain, too, what the binomial theorem has to do +with complete living, and also the dative of reference. I got the +notion, when I was struggling with that binomial theorem, that it +would ultimately lead on to fame or fortune; but it hasn't done +either, so far as I can make out. + +There was a time when I could solve an equation of three unknown +quantities, and could even jimmy a quantity out from under a radical +sign, and had the feeling that I was quite a fellow. Then one day I +went into a bookstore to buy a book. I had quite enough money to pay +for one, and had somehow got the notion that a boy of my attainments +ought to have a book. But, in the presence of the blond chap behind +the counter, I was quite abashed, for I did not in the least know +what book I wanted. I knew it wasn't a Bible, for we had one at +home, but further than that I could not go. Now, if knowing how to +buy a book is a part of complete living, then, in that blond +presence, I was hopelessly adrift. I had been taught that gambling +is wrong, but there was a situation where I had to take a chance or +show the white feather. Of course, I took the chance and was +relieved of my money by a blond who may or may not have been able to +solve radicals. I shall not give the title of the book I drew in +that lottery, for this is neither the time nor the place for +confessions. + +I was a book-agent for one summer, but am trying to live it down. +Hoping to sell a copy of the book whose glowing description I had +memorized, I called at the home of a wealthy farmer. The house was +spacious and embowered in beautiful trees and shrubbery. There was a +noble driveway that led up from the country road, and everything +betokened great prosperity. Once inside the house, I took a survey +of the fittings and could see at once that the farmer had lavished +money upon the home to make it distinctive in the neighborhood as a +suitable background for his wife and daughters. The piano alone must +have cost a small fortune, and it was but one of the many instruments +to be seen. There were carpets, rugs, and curtains in great +profusion, and a bewildering array of all sorts of bric-a-brac. In +time the father asked one of the daughters to play, and she responded +with rather unbecoming alacrity. What she played I shall never know, +but it seemed to me to be a five-finger exercise. Whatever it was, +it was not music. I lost interest at once and so had time to make a +more critical inspection of the decorations. What I saw was a battle +royal. There was the utmost lack of harmony. The rugs fought the +carpets, and both were at the throats of the curtains. Then the +wall-paper joined in the fray, and the din and confusion was torture +to the spirit. Even the furniture caught the spirit of discord and +made fierce attacks upon everything else in the room. The reds, and +yellows, and blues, and greens whirled and swirled about in such a +dizzy and belligerent fashion that I wondered how the people ever +managed to escape nervous prostration. But the daughter went right +on with the five-finger exercise as if nothing else were happening. +I shall certainly cite this case when the man comes in to explain +what he means by complete living. + +This all reminds me of the man of wealth who thought it incumbent +upon him to give his neighbors some benefit of his money in the way +of pleasure. So he went to Europe and bought a great quantity of +marble statuary and had the pieces placed in the spacious grounds +about his home. When the opening day came there ensued much +suppressed tittering and, now and then, an uncontrollable guffaw. +Diana, Venus, Vulcan, Apollo, Jove, and Mercury had evidently +stumbled into a convention of nymphs, satyrs, fairies, sprites, +furies, harpies, gargoyles, giants, pygmies, muses, and fates. The +result was bedlam. Parenthetically, I have often wondered how much +money it cost that man to make the discovery that he was not a +connoisseur of art, and also what process of education might have +fitted him for a wise expenditure of all that money. + +So I go on wondering what education is, and nobody seems quite +willing to tell me. I bought some wall-paper once, and when it had +been hung there was so much laughter at my taste, or lack of it, +that, in my chagrin, I selected another pattern to cover up the +evidence of my ignorance. But that is expensive, and a schoolmaster +can ill afford such luxurious ignorance. People were unkind enough +to say that the bare wall would have been preferable to my first +selection of paper, I was made conscious that complete living was +impossible so long as that paper was visible. But even when the +original had been covered up I looked at the wall suspiciously to see +whether it would show through as a sort of subdued accusation against +me. I don't pretend to know whether taste in the selection of +wall-paper is inherent or acquired. If it can be acquired, then I +wonder, again, just how cube root helps it along. + +I don't know what education is, but I do know that it is expensive. +I had some pictures in my den that seemed well enough till I came to +look at some others, and then they seemed cheap and inadequate. I +tried to argue myself out of this feeling, but did not succeed. As a +result, the old pictures have been supplanted by new ones, and I am +poorer in consequence. But, in spite of my depleted purse, I take +much pleasure in my new possessions and feel that they are +indications of progress. I wonder, though, how long it will be till +I shall want still other and better ones. Education may be a good +thing, but it does increase and multiply one's wants. Then, in a +brief time, these wants become needs, and there you have perpetual +motion. When the agent came to me first to try to get me interested +in an encyclopaedia I could scarce refrain from smiling. But later +on I began to want an encyclopaedia, and now the one I have ranks as +a household necessity the same as bathtub, coffee-pot, and +tooth-brush. + +But, try as I may, I can't clearly distinguish between wants and +needs. I see a thing that I want, and the very next day I begin to +wonder how I can possibly get on without it. This must surely be the +psychology of show-windows and show-cases. If I didn't see the +article I should feel no want of it, of course. But as soon as I see +it I begin to want it, and then I think I need it. The county fair +is a great psychological institution, because it causes people to +want things and then to think they need them. The worst of it is the +less able I am to buy a thing the more I want it and seem to need it. +I'd like to have money enough to make an experiment on myself just to +see if I could ever reach the point, as did the Caliph, where the +only want I'd have would be a want. Possibly, that's what the man +means by complete living. I wonder. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +MY SPEECH + +For some time I have had it in mind to make a speech. I don't know +what I would say nor where I could possibly find an audience, but, in +spite of all that, I feel that I'd like to try myself out on a +speech. I can't trace this feeling back to its source. It may have +started when I heard a good speech, somewhere, or, it may have +started when I heard a poor one. I can't recall. When I hear a good +speech I feel that I'd like to do as well; and, when I hear a poor +one, I feel that I'd like to do better. The only thing that is +settled, as yet, about this speech that I want to make is the +subject, and even that is not my own. It is just near enough my own, +however, to obviate the use of quotation-marks. The hardest part of +the task of writing or speaking is to gain credit for what some one +else has said or written, and still be able to omit quotation-marks. +That calls for both mental and ethical dexterity of a high order. + +But to the speech. The subject is Dialectic Efficiency--without +quotation-marks, be it noted. The way of it is this: I have been +reading, or, rather, trying to read the masterly book by Doctor +Fletcher Durell, whose title is "Fundamental Sources of Efficiency." +This is one of the most recondite books that has come from the press +in a generation, and it is no reflection upon the book for me to say +that I have been trying to read it. It is so big, so deep, so high, +and so wide that I can only splash around in it a bit. But "the +water's fine." At any rate, I have been dipping into this book quite +a little, and that is how I came upon the caption of my speech. Of +course, I get the word "efficiency" from the title of the book, and, +besides, everybody uses that word nowadays. Then, the author of this +book has a chapter on "Dialectic," and so I combine these two words +and thus get rid of the quotation-marks. + +And that certainly is an imposing subject for a speech. If it should +ever be printed on a programme, it would prove awe-inspiring. Next +to making a good speech, I'd like to be skilled in sleight-of-hand +affairs. I'd like to fish up a rabbit from the depths of an old +gentleman's silk tile, or extract a dozen eggs from a lady's +hand-bag, or transmute a canary into a goldfish. I'd like to see the +looks of wonder on the faces of the audience and hear them gasp. The +difficulty with such a subject as I have chosen, though, is to fill +the frame. I went into a shop in Paris once to make some small +purchase, expecting to find a great emporium, but, to my surprise, +found that all the goods were in the show-window. That's one trouble +with my subject--all the goods seem to be in the show-window. But, +I'll do the best I can with it, even if I am compelled to pilfer from +the pages of the book. + +In the introduction of the speech I shall become expansive upon the +term _Dialectic_, and try to impress my hearers (if there are any) +with my thorough acquaintance with all things which the term +suggests. If I continue expatiating upon the word long enough they +may come to think that I actually coined the word, for I shall not +emphasize Doctor Durell especially--just enough to keep my soul +untarnished. In a review of this book one man translates the first +word "luck." I don't like his word and for two reasons: In the first +place, it is a short word, and everybody knows that long words are +better for speechmaking purposes. If he had used the word +"accidental" or "incidental" I'd think more of his translation and of +his review. I'm going to use my word as if Doctor Durell had said +_Incidental_. + +So much for the introduction; now for the speech. From this point +forward I shall draw largely upon the book but shall so turn and +twist what the doctor says as to make it seem my own. With something +of a flourish, I shall tell how in the year 1856 a young chemist, +named Perkin, while trying to produce quinine synthetically, hit upon +the process of producing aniline dyes. His incidental discovery led +to the establishment of the artificial-dye industry, and we have here +an example of dialectic efficiency. This must impress my intelligent +and cultured auditors, and they will be wondering if I can produce +another illustration equally good. I can, of course, for this book +is rich in illustrations. I can see, as it were, the old fellow on +the third seat, who has been sitting there as stiff and straight as a +ramrod, limber up just a mite, and with my next point I hope to +induce him to lean forward an inch, at least, out of the +perpendicular. + +Then I shall proceed to recount to them how Christopher Columbus, in +an effort to circumnavigate the globe and reach the eastern coast of +Asia, failed in this undertaking, but made a far greater achievement +in the discovery of America. If, at this point, the old man is +leaning forward two or three inches instead of one, I may ask, in +dramatic style, where we should all be to-day if Columbus had reached +Asia instead of America--in other words, if this principle of +dialectic efficiency had not been in full force. Just here, to give +opportunity for possible applause, I shall take the handkerchief from +my pocket with much deliberation, unfold it carefully, and wipe my +face and forehead as an evidence that dispensing second-hand thoughts +is a sweat-producing process. + +Then, in a sort of sublimated frenzy, I shall fairly deluge them with +illustrations, telling how the establishment of rural mail-routes led +to improved roads and these, in turn, to consolidated schools and +better conditions of living in the country; how the potato-beetle, +which seems at first to be a scourge, was really a blessing in +disguise in that it set farmers to studying improved methods +resulting in largely increased crops, and how the scale has done a +like service for fruit-growers; how a friend of mine was drilling for +oil and found water instead, and now has an artesian well that +supplies water in great abundance, and how one Mr. Hellriegel, back +in 1886, made the incidental discovery that leguminous plants fixate +nitrogen, and, hence, our fields of clover, alfalfa, cow-peas, and +soybeans. + +It will not seem out of place if I recall to them how the Revolution +gave us Washington, the Adamses, Hancock, Madison, Franklin, +Jefferson, and Hamilton; how slavery gave us Clay, Calhoun, and +Webster; and how the Civil War gave us Lincoln, Seward, Stanton, +Grant, Lee, Sherman, Sheridan, and "Stonewall" Jackson. If there +should, by chance, be any teachers present I'll probably enlarge upon +this historical phase of the subject if I can think of any other +illustrations. I shall certainly emphasize the fact that the +incidental phases of school work may prove to be more important than +the objects directly aimed at, that while the teacher is striving to +inculcate a knowledge of arithmetic she may be inculcating manhood +and womanhood, and that the by-products of her teaching may become +world-wide influences. + +As a peroration, I shall expand upon the subject of pleasure as an +incidental of work--showing how the mere pleasure-seeker never finds +what he is seeking, but that the man who works is the one who finds +pleasure. I think I shall be able to find some apt quotation from +Emerson before the time for the speech comes around. If so, I shall +use it so as to take their minds off the fact that I am taking the +speech from Doctor Durell's book. + + + + +CHAPTER IX + +SCHOOL-TEACHING + +The first school that I ever tried to teach was, indeed, fearfully +and wonderfully taught. The teaching was of the sort that might well +be called elemental. If there was any pedagogy connected with the +work, it was purely accidental. I was not conscious either of its +presence or its absence, and so deserve neither praise nor censure. +I had one pupil who was nine years my senior, and I did not even know +that he was retarded. I recall quite distinctly that he had a +luxuriant crop of chin-whiskers but even these did not disturb the +procedure of that school. We accepted him as he was, whiskers +included, and went on our complacent way. He was blind in one eye +and somewhat deaf, but no one ever thought of him as abnormal or +subnormal. Even if we had known these words we should have been too +polite to apply them to him. In fact, we had no black-list, of any +sort, in that school. I have never been able to determine whether +the absence of such a list was due to ignorance, or innocence, or +both. So long as he found the school an agreeable place in which to +spend the winter, and did not interfere with the work of others, I +could see no good reason why he should not be there and get what he +could from the lessons in spelling, geography, and arithmetic. I do +not mention grammar for that was quite beyond him. The agreement of +subject and verb was one of life's great mysteries to him. So I +permitted him to browse around in such pastures as seemed finite to +him, and let the infinite grammar go by default so far as he was +concerned. + +I have but the most meagre acquaintance with the pedagogical dicta of +the books--a mere bowing acquaintance--but, at that time, I had not +even been introduced to any of these. But, as the saying goes, "The +Lord takes care of fools and children," and, so, somehow, by sheer +blind luck, I instinctively veered away from the Procrustean bed +idea, and found some work for my bewhiskered disciple that connected +with his native dispositions. Had any one told me I was doing any +such things I think I should, probably, have asked him how to spell +the words he was using. I only knew that this man-child was there +yearning for knowledge, and I was glad to share my meagre store of +crumbs with him. His gratitude for my small gifts was really +pathetic, and right there I learned the joys of the teacher. That +man sought me out on our way home from school and asked questions +that would have puzzled Socrates, but forgot my ignorance of hard +questions in his joy at my answers of easy ones. When some light +would break in upon him he cavorted about me like a glad dog, and +became a second Columbus, discovering a new world. + +I almost lose patience with myself, at times, when I catch myself +preening my feathers before some pedagogical mirror, as if I were +getting ready to appear in public as an accredited schoolmaster. At +such a time, I long to go back to the country road and saunter along +beside some pupil, either with or without whiskers, and give him of +my little store without rules or frills and with no pomp or parade. +In that little school at the crossroads we never made any preparation +for some possible visitor who might come in to survey us or apply +some efficiency test, or give us a rating either as individuals or as +a school. We were too busy and happy for that. We kept right on at +our work with our doors and our hearts wide open for every good thing +that came our way, whether knowledge or people. As I have said, our +work was elemental. + +I am glad I came across this little book of William James, "On Some +of Life's Ideals," for it takes me back, inferentially, to that +elemental school, especially in this paragraph which says: "Life is +always worth living, if one have such responsive sensibilities. But +we of the highly educated classes (so-called) have most of us got +far, far away from Nature. We are trained to seek the choice, the +rare, the exquisite exclusively and to overlook the common. We are +stuffed with abstract conceptions, and glib with verbalities and +verbosities; and in the culture of these higher functions the +peculiar sources of joy connected with our simpler functions often +dry up, and we grow stone-blind and insensible to life's more +elementary and general goods and joys." + +I wish I might go home from school one evening by way of the top of +Mt. Vesuvius, another by way of Mt. Rigi, and, another, by way of +Lauterbrunnen. Then the next evening I should like to spend an hour +or two along the borders of Yellowstone Canyon, and the next, watch +an eruption or two of Old Faithful geyser. Then, on still another +evening, I'd like to ride for two hours on top of a bus in London. +I'd like to have these experiences as an antidote for emptiness. It +would prepare me far better for to-morrow work than pondering +Johnny's defections, or his grades, whether high or low, or marking +silly papers with marks that are still sillier. I like Walt Whitman +because he was such a sublime loafer. His loafing gave him time to +grow big inside, and so, he had big elemental thoughts that were good +for him and good for me when I think them over after him. + +If I should ever get a position in a normal school I'd want to give a +course in William J. Locke's "The Beloved Vagabond," so as to give +the young folks a conception of big elemental teaching. If I were +giving a course in ethics, I'd probably select another book, but, in +pedagogy, I'd certainly include that one. I'd lose some students, to +be sure, for some of them would be shocked; but a person who is not +big enough to profit by reading that book never ought to teach +school--I mean for the school's sake. If we could only lose the +consciousness of the fact that we are schoolmasters for a few hours +each day, it would be a great help to us and to our boys and girls. + +I am quite partial to the "Madonna of the Chair," and wish I might +visit the Pitti Gallery frequently just to gaze at her. She is so +wholesome and gives one the feeling that a big soul looks out through +her eyes. She would be a superb teacher. She would fill the school +with her presence and still do it all unconsciously. The centre of +the room would be where she happened to be. She would never be +mistaken for one of the pupils. Her pupils would learn arithmetic +but the arithmetic would be laden with her big spirit, and that would +be better for them than the arithmetic could possibly be. If I had +to be a woman I'd want to be such as this Madonna--serene, majestic, +and big-souled. + +I have often wondered whether bigness of soul can be cultivated, and +my optimism inclines to a vote in the affirmative. I spent a part of +one summer in the pine woods far away from the haunts of men. When I +had to leave this sylvan retreat it required eleven hours by stage to +reach the railway-station. There for some weeks I lived in a log +cabin, accompanied by a cook and a professional woodsman. I was not +there to camp, to fish, or to loaf, and yet I did all these. There +were some duties and work connected with the enterprise and these +gave zest to the fishing and the loafing. Giant trees, space, and +sky were my most intimate associates, and they told me only of big +things. They had never a word to say of styles of clothing or +becoming shades of neckwear or hosiery. In all that time I was never +disturbed by the number and diversity of spoons and forks beside my +plate at the dinner-table. Many a noble meal I ate as I sat upon a +log supported in forked stakes, and many a big thought did I glean +from the talk of loggers about me in their picturesque costumes. In +the evening I sat upon a great log in front of the cabin or a +friendly stump, and forgot such things as hammocks and porch-swings. +Instead of gazing at street-lamps only a few yards away I was gazing +at stars millions of miles away, and, somehow, the soul seemed to +gain freedom. + +And I had luxury, too. I had a room with bath. The bath was at the +stream some fifty yards away, but such discrepancies are minor +affairs in the midst of such big elemental things as were all about +me. My mattress was of young cherry shoots, and never did king have +a more royal bed, or ever such refreshing sleep. And, while I slept, +I grew inside, for the soft music of the pines lulled me to rest, and +the subdued rippling of my bath-stream seemed to wash my soul clean. +When I arose I had no bad taste in my mouth or in my soul, and each +morning had for me the glory of a resurrection. My trees were there +to bid me good morning, the big spaces spoke to me in their own +inspiriting language, and the big sun, playing hide-and-seek among +the great boles of the trees as he mounted from the horizon, gave me +a panorama unrivalled among the scenes of earth. + +When I returned to what men called civilization, I experienced a +poignant longing for my big trees, my sky, and my spaces, and felt +that I had exchanged them for many things that are petty and futile. +If my school were only out in the heart of that big forest, I feel +that my work would be more effective and that I would not have to +potter about among little things to obey the whims of convention and +the dictates of technicalities, but that the soul would be free to +revel in the truth that sky and space proclaim. I do hope I may +never know so much about technical pedagogy that I shall not know +anything else. This may be what those people mean who speak of the +"revolt of the ego." + + + + +CHAPTER X + +BEEFSTEAK + +I am just now quite in the mood to join the band; I mean the +vocational-education band. The excitement has carried me off my +feet. I can't endure the looks of suspicion or pity that I see on +the faces of my colleagues. They stare at me as if I were wearing a +tie or a hat or a coat that is a bit below standard. I want to seem, +if not be, modern and up-to-date, and not odd and peculiar. So I +shall join the band. I am not caring much whether I beat the drum, +carry the flag, or lead the trick-bear. I may even ride in the +gaudily painted wagon behind a spotted pony and call out in raucous +tones to all and sundry to hurry around to the main tent to get their +education before the rush. In times past, when these vocational +folks have piped unto me I have not danced; but I now see the error +of my ways and shall proceed at once to take dancing lessons. When +these folks lead in the millennium I want to be sitting well up in +front; and when they get the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow I +want to participate in the distribution. I do hope, though, that I +may not exhaust my resources on the band and have none left for the +boys and girls. I hope I may not imitate Mark Twain's steamboat that +stopped dead still when the whistle blew, because blowing the whistle +required all the steam. + +I suspect that, like the Irishman, I shall have to wear my new boots +awhile before I can get them on, for this new role is certain to +entail many changes in my plans and in my ways of doing things. I +can see that it will be a wrench for me to think of the boys and +girls as pedagogical specimens and not persons. I have contracted +the habit of thinking of them as persons, and it will not be easy to +come to thinking of them as mere objects to practise on. The folks +in the hospital speak of their patients as "cases," but I'd rather +keep aloof from the hospital plan in my schoolmastering. But, being +a member of the band, I suppose that I'll feel it my duty to conform +and do my utmost to help prove that our cult has discovered the great +and universal panacea, the balm in Gilead. + +As a member of the band, in good and regular standing, I shall find +myself saying that the school should have the boys and girls pursue +such studies as will fit them for their life-work. This has a +pleasing sound. Now, if I can only find out, somehow, what the +life-work of each one of my pupils is to be, I'll be all right, and +shall proceed to fit each one out with his belongings. I have asked +them to tell me what their life-work is to be, but they tell me they +do not know. So I suspect that I must visit all their parents in +order to get this information. Until I get this information I cannot +begin on my course of study. If their parents cannot tell me I +hardly know what I shall do, unless I have recourse to their maiden +aunts. They ought to know. But if they decline to tell I must begin +on a long series of guesses, unless, in the meantime, I am endowed +with omniscience. + +This whole plan fascinates me; I dote upon it. It is so pliable, so +dreamy, and so opalescent that I can scarce restrain my enthusiasm. +But if I should fit one of my boys out with the equipment necessary +for a blacksmith, and then he should become a preacher, I'd find the +situation embarrassing. My reputation as a prophet would certainly +decline. If I could know that this boy is looking forward to the +ministry as his life-work, the matter would be simple. I'd proceed +to fit him out with a fire-proof suit of Greek, Hebrew, and theology +and have the thing done. But even then some of my colleagues might +protest on the assumption that Greek and Hebrew are not vocational +studies. The preacher might assert that they are vocational for his +work, in which case I'd find myself in the midst of an argument. I +know a young man who is a student in a college of medicine. He is +paying his way by means of his music. He both plays and sings, and +can thus pay his bills. In the college he studies chemistry, +anatomy, and the like. I'm trying to figure out whether or not, in +his case, either his music or his chemistry is vocational. + +I have been perusing the city directory to find out how many and what +vocations there are, that I may plan my course of study accordingly +when I discover what the life-work of each of my pupils is to be. If +I find that one boy expects to be an undertaker he ought to take the +dead languages, of course. If another boy expects to be a jockey he +might take these same languages with the aid of a "pony." If a girl +decides upon marriage as her vocation, I'll have her take home +economics, of course, but shall have difficulty in deciding upon her +other studies. If I omit Latin, history, and algebra, she may +reproach me later on because of these omissions. She may find that +such studies as these are essential to success in the vocation of +wife and mother. She may have a boy of her own who will invoke her +aid in his quest for the value of x, and a mother hesitates to enter +a plea of ignorance to her own child. + +I can fit out the dancing-master easily enough, but am not so certain +about the barber, the chauffeur, and the aviator. The aviator would +give me no end of trouble, especially if I should deem it necessary +to teach him by the laboratory method. Then, again, if one boy +decides to become a pharmacist, I may find it necessary to attend +night classes in this subject myself in order to meet the situation +with a fair degree of complacency. Nor do I see my way clear in +providing for the steeple-climber, the equilibrist, the railroad +president, or the tea-taster. I'll probably have my troubles, too, +with the novel-writer, the poet, the politician, and the bareback +rider. But I must manage somehow if I hope to retain my membership +in the band. + +I see that I shall have to serve quite an apprenticeship in the band +before I write my treatise on the subject of pedagogical +predestination. The world needs that essay, and I must get around to +it just as soon as possible. Of course, that will be a great step +beyond the present plan of finding out what a boy expects to do, and +then teaching him accordingly. My predestination plan contemplates +the process of arranging such a course of study for him as will make +him what we want him to be. A naturalist tells me that when a queen +bee dies the swarm set to work making another queen by feeding one of +the common working bees some queen stuff. He failed to tell me just +what this queen stuff is. That process of producing a queen bee is +what gave me the notion as to my treatise. If the parents want their +boy to become a lawyer I shall feed him lawyer stuff; if a preacher, +then preacher stuff, and so on. + +This will necessitate a deal of research work, for I shall have to go +back into history, first of all, to find out the course of study that +produced Newton, Humboldt, Darwin, Shakespeare, Dante, Edison, Clara +Barton, and the rest of them. If a roast-beef diet is responsible +for Shakespeare, surely we ought to produce another Shakespeare, +considering the excellence of the cattle we raise. I can easily +discover the constituent elements of the beef pudding of which Samuel +Johnson was so fond by writing to the old Cheshire Cheese in London. +Of course, this plan of mine seems not to take into account the +Lord's work to any large extent. But that seems to be the way of us +vocationalists. We seem to think we can do certain things in spite +of what the Lord has or has not done. + +The one danger that I foresee in all this work that I have planned is +that it may produce overstimulation. Some one was telling me that +the trees on the Embankment there in London are dying of arboreal +insomnia. The light of the sun keeps them awake all day, and the +electric lights keep them awake all night. So the poor things are +dying from lack of sleep. Macbeth had some trouble of that sort, +too, as I recall it. I'm going to hold on to the vocational +stimulation unless I find it is producing pedagogical insomnia. Then +I'll resign from the band and take a long nap. I'll continue to +advocate pudding, pastry, and pie until I find that they are not +producing the sort of men and women the world needs, and then I'll +beat an inglorious retreat and again espouse the cause of orthodox +beefsteak. + + + + +CHAPTER XI + +FREEDOM + +I have often wondered what conjunction of the stars caused me to +become a schoolmaster, if, indeed, the stars, lucky or otherwise, had +anything to do with it. It may have been the salary that lured me, +for thirty-five dollars a month bulks large on a boy's horizon. +Possibly the fact that in those days there was no anteroom to the +teaching business may have been the deciding factor. One had but to +exchange his hickory shirt for a white one, and the trick was done. +There was not even a fence between the corn-field and the +schoolhouse. I might just as easily have been a preacher but for the +barrier in the shape of a theological seminary, or a hod-carrier but +for the barrier of learning how. As it was, I could draw my pay for +husking corn on Saturday night, and begin accumulating salary as a +schoolmaster on Monday. The plan was simplicity itself, and that may +account for my choice of a vocation. + +I have sometimes tried to imagine myself a preacher, but with poor +success. The sermon would bother me no little, to make no mention of +the other functions. I think I never could get through with a +marriage ceremony, and at a christening I'd be on nettles all the +while, fearing the baby would cry and thus disturb the solemnity of +the occasion and of the preacher. I'd want to take the baby into my +own arms and have a romp with him--and so would forget about the +baptizing. In casting about for a possible text for this impossible +preacher, I have found only one that I think I might do something +with. Hence, my preaching would endure but a single week, and even +at that we'd have to have a song service on Sunday evening in lieu of +a sermon. + +My one text would be: "Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall +make you free." I do not know how big truth is, but it must be quite +extensive if science, mathematics, history, and literature are but +small parts of it. I have never explored these parts very far +inland, but they seem to my limited gaze to extend a long distance +before me; and when I get to thinking that each of these is but a +part of something that is called truth I begin to feel that truth is +a pretty large affair. I suspect the text means that the more of +this truth we know the greater freedom we have. My friend Brown has +an automobile, and sometimes he takes me out riding. On one of these +occasions we had a puncture, with the usual attendant circumstances. +While Brown made the needful repairs, I sat upon the grassy bank. +The passers-by probably regarded me as a lazy chap who disdained work +of all sorts, and perhaps thought of me as enjoying myself while +Brown did the work. In this they were grossly mistaken, for Brown +was having the good time, while I was bored and uncomfortable. Why, +Brown actually whistled as he repaired that puncture. He had freedom +because he knew which tool to use, where to find it, and how to use +it. But there I sat in ignorance and thraldom--not knowing the truth +about the tools or the processes. + +In the presence of that episode I felt like one in a foreign country +who is ignorant of the language, while Brown was the concierge who +understands many languages. He knew the truth and so had freedom. I +have often wondered whether men do not sometimes get drunk to win a +respite from the thraldom and boredom of their ignorance of the +truth. It must be a very trying experience not to understand the +language that is spoken all about one. I have something of that +feeling when I go into a drug-store and find myself in complete +ignorance of the contents of the bottles because I cannot read the +labels. I have no freedom because I do not know the truth. The +dapper clerk who takes down one bottle after another with refreshing +freedom relegates me to the kindergarten, and I certainly feel and +act the part. + +I had this same feeling, too, when I was making ready to sow my +little field with alfalfa. I wanted to have alfalfa growing in the +field next to the road for my own pleasure and for the pleasure of +the passers-by. A field of alfalfa is an ornament to any landscape, +and I like to have my landscapes ornamental, even if I must pay for +it in terms of manual toil. I had never even seen alfalfa seed and +did not in the least know how to proceed in preparing the soil. If I +ever expected to have any freedom I must first learn the truth, and a +certain modicum of freedom necessarily precedes the joy of alfalfa. + +Thus it came to pass that I set about learning the truth. I had to +learn about the nature of the soil, about drainage, about the right +kinds of fertilizer, and all that, before I could even hitch the team +to a plough. Some of this truth I gleaned from books and magazines, +but more of it I obtained from my neighbor John, who lives about two +hundred yards up the pike from my little place. John is a veritable +encyclopedia of truth when it comes to the subject of alfalfa. There +I would sit at the feet of this alfalfa Gamaliel. Be it said in +favor of my reactions that I learned the trick of alfalfa and now +have a field that is a delight to the eye. And I now feel qualified +to give lessons in alfalfa culture to all and sundry, so great is my +sense of freedom. + +I came upon a forlorn-looking woman once in a large railway-station +who was in great distress. She wanted to get a train, but did not +know through which gate to go nor where to obtain the necessary +information. She was overburdened with luggage and a little girl was +tugging at her dress and crying pitifully. That woman was as really +in bondage as if she had been in prison looking out through the +barred windows. When she had finally been piloted to the train the +joy of freedom manifested itself in every lineament of her face. She +had come to know the truth, and the truth had set her free. + +I know how she felt, for one night I worked for more than two hours +on what, to me, was a difficult problem, and when at last I had it +solved the manifestations of joy caused consternation to the family +and damage to the furniture. I never was in jail for any length of +time, but I think I know, from my experience with that problem, just +how a prisoner feels when he is set free. The big out-of-doors must +seem inexpressibly good to him. My neighbor John taught me how to +spray my trees, and now, when I walk through my orchard and see the +smooth trunks and pick the beautiful, smooth, perfect apples, I feel +that sense of freedom that can come only through a knowledge of the +truth. + +I haven't looked up the etymology of _grippe_, but the word itself +seems to tell its own story. It seems to mean restriction, +subjection, slavery. It certainly spells lack of freedom. I have +seen many boys and girls who seemed afflicted with arithmetical, +grammatical, and geographical grippe, and I have sought to free them +from its tyranny and lead them forth into the sunlight and pure air +of freedom. If I only knew just how to do this effectively I think +I'd be quite reconciled to the work of a schoolmaster. + + + + +CHAPTER XII + +THINGS + +I keep resolving and resolving to reform and lead the simple life, +but something always happens that prevents the execution of my plans. +When I am grubbing out willows along the ravine, the grubbing-hoe, a +lunch-basket well filled, and a jug of water from the deep well up +there under the trees seem to be the sum total of the necessary +appliances for a life of usefulness and contentment. There is a +friendly maple-tree near the scene of the grubbing activities, and an +hour at noon beneath that tree with free access to the basket and the +jug seems to meet the utmost demands of life. The grass is +luxuriant, the shade is all-embracing, and the willows can wait. So, +what additions can possibly be needed? I lie there in the shade, my +hunger and thirst abundantly satisfied, and contemplate the results +of my forenoon's toil with the very acme of satisfaction. There is +now a large, clear space where this morning there was a jungle of +willows. The willows have been grubbed out _imis sedibus_, as our +friend Virgil would say it, and not merely chopped off; and the +thoroughness of the work gives emphasis to the satisfaction. + +The overalls, the heavy shoes, and the sunshade hat all belong in the +picture. But the entire wardrobe costs less than the hat I wear on +Sunday. Then the comfort of these inexpensive habiliments! I need +not be fastidious in such a garb, but can loll on the grass without +compunction. When I get mud upon my big shoes I simply scrape it off +with a chip, and that's all there is to it. The dirt on my overalls +is honest dirt, and honestly come by, and so needs no apology. I can +talk to my neighbor John of the big things of life and feel no shame +because of overalls. + +Then, in the evening, when resting from my toil, I sit out under the +leafy canopy and revel in the sounds that can be heard only in the +country--the croaking of the frogs, the soft twittering of the birds +somewhere near, yet out of sight, the cosey crooning of the chickens +as they settle upon their perches for the night, and the lonely +hooting of the owl somewhere in the big tree down in the pasture. I +need not move from my seat nor barter my money for a concert in some +majestic hall ablaze with lights when such music as this may be had +for the listening. Under the magic of such music the body relaxes +and the soul expands. The soft breezes caress the brow, and the moon +makes shimmering patterns on the grass. + +But when I return to the town to resume my school-mastering, then the +strain begins, and then the reign of complexities is renewed. When I +am fully garbed in my town clothing I find myself the possessor of +nineteen pockets. What they are all for is more than I can make out. +If I had them all in use I'd have to have a detective along with me +to help me find things. Out there on the farm two pockets quite +suffice, but in the town I must have seventeen more. The difference +between town and country seems to be about the difference between +grubbing willows and schoolmastering. Among the willows I find two +pockets are all I require; but among the children I must needs have +nineteen, whether I have anything in them or not. + +One of these seems to be designed for a college degree; another is an +efficiency pocket; another a discipline pocket; another a pocket for +methods; another for professional spirit; another for loyalty to all +the folks who are in need of loyalty, and so on. I really do not +know all the labels. When I was examined for a license to teach they +counted my pockets, and, finding I had the requisite nineteen, they +bestowed upon me the coveted document with something approaching +_eclat_. In my teaching I become so bewildered ransacking these +pockets, trying to find something that will bear some resemblance to +the label, that I come near forgetting the boys and girls. But they +are very nice and polite about it, and seem to feel sorry that I must +look after all my pockets when I'd so much rather be teaching. + +Out in the willow thicket I can go right on with my work without so +much care or perplexity. Why, I don't need to do any talking out +there, and so have time to do some thinking. But here I do so much +talking that neither I nor my pupils have any chance for thinking. I +know it is not the right way, but, somehow, I keep on doing it. I +think it must be a bad habit, but I don't do it when I am grubbing +willows. I seem to get to the bottom of things out there without +talking, and I can't make out why I don't do the same here in the +school. Out there I do things; in here I say things. I do wonder if +there is any forgiveness for a schoolmaster who uses so many words +and gets such meagre results. + +And then the words I use here are such ponderous things. They are +not the sort of human, flesh-and-blood words that I use when talking +to neighbor John as we sit on top of the rail fence. These all seem +so like words in a book, as if I had rehearsed them in advance. It +may be just the town atmosphere, but, whatever it is, I do wish I +could talk to these children about decimals in the same sort of words +that I use when I am talking with John. He seems to understand me, +and I think they could. + +Possibly it is just the tension of town life. I know that I seem to +get keyed up as soon as I come into the town. There are so many +things here, and many of them are so artificial that I seem unable to +relax as I do out there where there are just frogs, and moon, and +chickens, and cows. When I am here I seem to have a sort of craze +for things. The shop-windows are full of things, and I seem to want +all of them. I know I have no use for them, and yet I get them. My +neighbor Brown bought a percolator, and within a week I had one. I +had gone on for years without a percolator, not even knowing about +such a thing, but no sooner had Brown bought one than every sound I +heard seemed to be inquiring: "What is home without a percolator?" + +So I go on accumulating things, and my den is a veritable medley of +things. They don't make me any happier, and they are a great bother. +There are fifty-seven things right here in my den, and I don't need +more than six or seven of them. There are twenty-two pictures, large +and small, in this room, but I couldn't have named five of them had I +not just counted them. Why I have them is beyond my comprehension. +I inveigh against the mania of people for drugs and narcotics, but my +mania for things only differs in kind from theirs. I have a little +book called "Things of the Mind," and I like to read it. Now, if my +mind only had as many things in it as my den, I'd be a far more +agreeable associate for Brown and my neighbor John. Or, if I were as +careful about getting things for my mind as I am in accumulating +useless bric-a-brac, it would be far more to my credit. + +If the germs that are lurking in and about these fifty-seven things +should suddenly become as large as spiders, I'd certainly be the +unhappy possessor of a flourishing menagerie, and I think my progress +toward the simple life would be very promptly hastened. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + +TARGETS + +In my work as a schoolmaster I find it well to keep my mind open and +not get to thinking that my way is the only way, or even the best +way. I think I learn more from my boys and girls than they learn +from me, and so long as I can keep an open mind I am certain to get +some valuable lessons from them. I got to telling the college chap +about a hen that taught me a good lesson, and the first thing I knew +I was going to school to this college youth, and he was enlightening +me on the subject of animal psychology, and especially upon the +trial-and-error theory. That set me wondering how many trials and +errors that hen made before she finally succeeded in surmounting that +fence. At any rate, the hen taught me another lesson besides the +lesson of perseverance. + +I have a high wire fence enclosing the chicken-yard, and in order to +make steady the posts to which the gate is attached, I joined them at +the top by nailing a board across. The hen that taught me the lesson +must be both ambitious and athletic, for time after time have I found +her outside the chicken-yard. I searched diligently for the place of +exit, but could not find it. So, in desperation, I determined one +morning to discover how that hen gained her freedom if it took all +day. So I found a comfortable seat and waited. In an hour or so the +hen came out into the open and took a survey of the situation. Then, +presently, with skill born of experience, she sidled this way and +that, advanced a little and then retreated until she found the exact +location she sought, poised herself for a moment, and went sailing +right over the board that connected the posts. Having made this +discovery, I removed the board and used wire instead, and thus +reduced the hen to the plane of obedience. + +Just as soon as the hen lacked something to aim at, she could not get +over the wire barrier, and she taught me the importance of giving my +pupils something to aim at. I like my boys and girls, and believe +they are just as smart as any hen that ever was, and that, if I'll +only supply things for them to aim at, they will go high and far. +Every time I see that hen I am the subject of diverse emotions. I +feel half angry at myself for being so dull that a mere hen can teach +me, and then I feel glad that she taught me such a useful lesson. +Before learning this lesson I seemed to expect my pupils to take all +their school work on faith, to do it because I told them it would be +good for them. But I now see there is a better way. In my boyhood +days we always went to the county fair, and that was one of the real +events of the year. On the morning of that day there was no occasion +for any one to call me a second time. I was out of bed in a trice, +at the first call, and soon had my chores done ready for the start. +I had money in my pocket, too, for visions of pink lemonade, peanuts, +ice-cream, candy, and colored balloons had lured me on from +achievement to achievement through the preceding weeks, and thrift +had claimed me for its own. So I had money because, all the while, I +had been aiming at the county fair. + +We used to lay out corn ground with a single-shovel plough, and took +great pride in marking out a straight furrow across the field. There +was one man in the neighborhood who was the champion in this art, and +I wondered how he could do it. So I set about watching him to try to +learn his art. At either end of the field he had a stake several +feet high, bedecked at the top with a white rag. This he planted at +the proper distance from the preceding furrow and, in going across +the field, kept his gaze fixed upon the white rag that topped the +stake. With a firm grip upon the plough, and his eyes riveted upon +the white signal, he moved across the field in a perfectly straight +line. I had thought it the right way to keep my eyes fixed upon the +plough until his practice showed me that I had pursued the wrong +course. My furrows were crooked and zigzag, while his were straight. +I now see that his skill came from his having something to aim at. + +I am trying to profit by the example of that farmer in my teaching. +I'm all the while in quest of stakes and white rags to place at the +other side of the field to direct the progress of the lads and lasses +in a straight course, and raise their eyes away from the plough that +they happen to be using. I want to keep them thinking of things that +are bigger and further along than grades. The grades will come as a +matter of course, if they can keep their eyes on the object across +the field. I want them to be too big to work for mere grades. We +never give prizes in our school, especially money prizes. It would +seem rather a cheap enterprise to my fine boys and girls to get a +piece of money for committing to memory the "Gettysburg Speech." We +respect ourselves and Lincoln too much for that. It would grieve me +to know that one of my girls could be hired to read a book for an +hour in the evening to a sick neighbor. I want her to have her pay +in a better and more enduring medium than that. I'd hope she would +aim at something higher than that. + +If I can arrange the white rag, I know the pupils will do the work. +There was Jim, for example, who said to his father that he just +couldn't do his arithmetic, and wished he'd never have to go to +school another day. When his father told me about it I began at once +to hunt for a white rag. And I found it, too. We can generally find +what we are looking for, if we look in dead earnest. Well, the next +morning there was Jim in the arithmetic class along with Tom and +Charley. I explained the absence of Harry by telling them about his +falling on the ice the night before and breaking his right arm. I +told them how he could get on well enough with his other studies, but +would have trouble with his arithmetic because he couldn't use his +arm. Now, Tom and Charley are quick in arithmetic, and I asked Tom +to go over to Harry's after school and help with the arithmetic, and +Charley to go over the next day, and Jim the third day. Now, anybody +can see that white rag fluttering at the top of the stake across the +field two days ahead. So, my work was done, and I went on with my +daily duties. Tom reported the next day, and his report made our +mouths water as he told of the good things that Harry's mother had +set out for them to eat. The report of Charley the next day was +equally alluring. Then Jim reported, and on his day that good mother +had evidently reached the climax in culinary affairs. Jim's eyes and +face shone as if he had been communing with the supernals. + +That was the last I ever heard of Jim's trouble with arithmetic. His +father was eager to know how the change had been brought about, and I +explained on the score of the angel-food cake and ice-cream he had +had over at Harry's, with no slight mention of my glorious white rag. +The books, I believe, call this social co-operation, or something +like that, but I care little what they call it so long as Jim's all +right. And he is all right. Why, there isn't money enough in the +bank to have brought that look to Jim's face when he reported that +morning, and any offer to pay him for his help to Harry, either in +money or school credits, would have seemed an insult. My neighbor +John tells me many things about sheep and the way to drive them. He +says when he is driving twenty sheep along the road he doesn't bother +about the two who frisk back to the rear of the flock so long as he +keeps the other eighteen going along. He says those two will join +the others, all in good time. That helped me with those three boys. +I knew that Tom and Charley would go along all right, so asked them +to go over to Harry's before I mentioned the matter to Jim. When I +did ask him he came leaping and frisking into the flock as if he were +afraid we might overlook him. What a beautiful straight furrow he +ploughed, too. His arithmetic work now must make the angels smile. +I shall certainly mention sheep, the hen, and the white rag in my +book on farm pedagogy. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + +SINNERS + +I take unction to myself, sometimes, in the reflection that I have a +soul to save, and in certain moments of uplift it seems to me to be +worth saving. Some folks probably call me a sinner, if not a +dreadful sinner, and I admit the fact without controversy. I do not +have at hand a list of the cardinal sins, but I suspect I might prove +an alibi as to some of them. I don't get drunk; I don't swear; I go +to church; and I contribute, mildly, to charity. But, for all that, +I'm free to confess myself a sinner. Yet, I still don't know what +sin is, or what is the way of salvation either for myself or for my +pupils. I grope around all the while trying to find this way. At +times, I think they may find salvation while they are finding the +value of _x_ in an algebraic equation, and possibly this is true. I +cannot tell. If they fail to find the value of _x_, I fall to +wondering whether they have sinned or the teacher that they cannot +find _x_. + +I have attended revivals in my time, and have had good from them. In +their pure and rarefied atmosphere I find myself in a state of +exaltation. But I find myself in need of a continuous revival to +keep me at my best. So, in my school work, I feel that I must be a +revivalist or my pupils will sag back, just as I do. I find that the +revival of yesterday will not suffice for to-day. Like the folks of +old, I must gather a fresh supply of manna each day. Stale manna is +not wholesome. I suspect that one of my many sins is my laziness in +the matter of manna. I found the value of _x_ in the problem +yesterday, and so am inclined to rest to-day and celebrate the +victory. If I had to classify myself, I'd say that I am an +intermittent. I eat manna one day, and then want to fast for a day +or so. I suspect that's what folks mean by a besetting sin. + +During my fasting I find myself talking almost fluently about my +skill and industry as a gatherer of manna, I suspect I am trying to +make myself believe that I'm working in the manna field to-day, by +keeping my mind on my achievement yesterday. That's another sin to +my discredit, and another occasion for a revival. When I am fasting +I do the most talking about how busy I am. If I were harvesting +manna I'd not have time for so much talk. I should not need to tell +how busy I am, for folks could see for themselves. I have tried to +analyze this talk of mine about being so busy just to see whether I +am trying to deceive myself or my neighbors. I fell to talking about +this the other day to my neighbor John, and detected a faint smile on +his face which I interpreted to be a query as to what I have to show +for all my supposed industry. Well, I changed the subject. That +smile on John's face made me think of revivals. + +I read Henderson's novel, "John Percyfield," and enjoyed it so much +that when I came upon his other book, "Education and the Larger +Life," I bought and read it. But it has given me much discomfort. +In that book he says that it is immoral for any one to do less than +his best. I can scarcely think of that statement without feeling +that I ought to be sent to jail. I'm actually burdened with +immorality, and find myself all the while between the "devil and the +deep sea," the "devil" of work, and the "deep sea" of immorality. I +suppose that's why I talk so much about being busy, trying to free +myself from the charge of immorality. I think it was Virgil who said +_Facilis descensus Averno_, and I suppose Mr. Henderson, in his +statement, is trying to save me from the inconveniences of this trip. +I suppose I ought to be grateful to him for the hint, but I just +can't get any great comfort in such a close situation. + +I know I must work or go hungry, and I can stand a certain amount of +fasting, but to be stamped as immoral because I am fasting rather +hurts my pride. I'd much rather have my going hungry accounted a +virtue, and receive praise and bouquets. When I am in a lounging +mood it isn't any fun to have some Henderson come along and tell me +that I am in need of a revival. A copy of "Baedeker" in hand, I have +gone through a gallery of statues but did not find a sinner in the +entire company. The originals may have been sinners, but not these +marble statues. That is some comfort. To be a sinner one must be +animate at the very least. I'd rather be a sinner, even, than a +mummy or a statue. St. Paul wrote to Timothy: "I have fought a good +fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith." There was +nothing of the mummy or the statue in him. He was just a +straight-away sinful man, and a glorious sinner he was. + +I like to think of Titian and Michael Angelo. When their work was +done and they stood upon the summit of their achievements they were +up so high that all they had to do was to step right into heaven, +without any long journey. Tennyson did the same. In his poem, +"Crossing the Bar," he filled all the space, and so he had to cross +over into heaven to get more room. And Riley's "Old Aunt Mary" was +another one. She had been working out her salvation making jelly, +and jam, and marmalade, and just beaming goodness upon those boys so +that they had no more doubts about goodness than they had of the +peach preserves they were eating. Why, there just had to be a heaven +for old Aunt Mary. She gathered manna every day, and had some for +the boys, too, but never said a word about being busy. + +When I was reading the _Georgics_ with my boys, we came upon the word +_bufo_ (toad), and I told them with much gusto that that was the only +place in the language where the word occurs. I had come upon this +statement in a book that they did not have. Their looks spoke their +admiration for the schoolmaster who could speak with authority. +After they had gone their ways, two to Porto Rico, one to Chili, +another to Brazil, and others elsewhere, I came upon the word _bufo_ +again in Ovid. I am still wondering what a schoolmaster ought to do +in a case like that. Even if I had written to all those fellows +acknowledging my error, it would have been too late, for they would, +long before, have circulated the report all over South America and +the United States that there is but one toad in the Latin language. +If I hadn't believed everything I see in print, hadn't been so +cock-sure, and hadn't been so ready to parade borrowed plumage as my +own, all this linguistic coil would have been averted. I suppose Mr. +Henderson would send me to jail again for this. I certainly didn't +do my best, and therefore I am immoral, and therefore a sinner; _quad +erat demonstrandum_. + +So, I suppose, if I'm to save my soul, I must gather manna every day, +and if I find the value of _x_ to-day, I must find the value of a +bigger _x_ to-morrow. Then, too, I suppose I'll have to choose +between Mrs. Wiggs and Emerson, between the Katzenjammers and +Shakespeare, and between ragtime and grand opera. I am very certain +growing corn gives forth a sound only I can't hear it. If my hearing +were only acute enough I'd hear it and rejoice in it. It is very +trying to miss the sound when I am so certain that it is there. The +birds in my trees understand one another, and yet I can't understand +what they are saying in the least. This simply proves my own +limitations. If I could but know their language, and all the +languages of the cows, the sheep, the horses, and the chickens, what +a good time I could have with them. If my powers of sight and +hearing were increased only tenfold, I'd surely find a different +world about me. Here, again, I can't find the value of _x_, try as I +will. + +The disquieting thing about all this is that I do not use to the +utmost the powers I have. I could see many more things than I do if +I'd only use my eyes, and hear things, too, if I'd try more. The +world of nature as it reveals itself to John Burroughs is a thousand +times larger than my world, no doubt, and this fact convicts me of +doing less than my best, and again the jail invites me. + + + + +CHAPTER XV + +HOEING POTATOES + +As I was lying in the shade of the maple-tree down there by the +ravine, yesterday, I fell to thinking about my rights, and the longer +I lay there the more puzzled I became. Being a citizen in a +democracy, I have many rights that are guaranteed to me by the +Constitution, notably life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. +In my school I become expansive in extolling these rights to my +pupils. But under that maple-tree I found myself raising many +questions as to these rights, and many others. I have a right to +sing tenor, but I can't sing tenor at all, and when I try it I +disturb my neighbors. Right there I bump against a situation. I +have a right to use my knife at table instead of a fork, and who is +to gainsay my using my fingers? Queen Elizabeth did. I certainly +have a right to lie in the shade of the maple-tree for two hours +to-day instead of one hour, as I did yesterday. I wonder if +reclining on the grass under a maple-tree is not a part of the +pursuit of happiness that is specifically set out in the +Constitution? I hope so, for I'd like to have that wonderful +Constitution backing me up in the things I like to do. The sun is so +hot and hoeing potatoes is such a tiring task that I prefer to lounge +in the shade with my back against the Constitution. + +In thinking of the pursuit of happiness I am inclined to personify +happiness and then watch the chase, wondering whether the pursuer +will ever overtake her, and what he'll do when he does. I note that +the Constitution does not guarantee that the pursuer will ever catch +her--but just gives him an open field and no favors. He may run just +as fast as he likes, and as long as his endurance holds out. I +suspect that's where the liberty comes in. I wonder if the makers of +the Constitution ever visualized that chase. If so, they must have +laughed, at least in their sleeves, solemn crowd that they were. If +I were certain that I could overtake happiness I'd gladly join in the +pursuit, even on such a warm day as this, but the dread uncertainty +makes me prefer to loll here in the shade. Besides, I'm not quite +certain that I could recognize her even if I could catch her. The +photographs that I have seen are so very different that I might +mistake happiness for some one else, and that would be embarrassing. + +If I should conclude that I was happy, and then discover that I +wasn't, I scarcely see how I could explain myself to myself, much +less to others. So I shall go on hoeing my potatoes and not bother +my poor head about happiness. It is just possible that I shall find +it over there in the potato-patch, for its latitude and longitude +have never been definitely determined, so far as I am aware. I know +I shall find some satisfaction over there at work, and I am convinced +that satisfaction and happiness are kinsfolk. Possibly my potatoes +will prove the answer to some mother's prayer for food for her little +ones next winter. Who knows? As I loosen the soil about the vines I +can look down the vista of the months, and see some little one in his +high chair smiling through his tears as mother prepares one of my +beautiful potatoes for him, and I think I can detect some moisture in +mother's eyes, too. It is just possible that her tears are the +consecrated incense upon the altar of thanksgiving. + +I like to see such pictures as I ply my hoe, for they give me respite +from weariness, and give fresh ardor to my hoeing. If each one of my +potatoes shall only assuage the hunger of some little one, and cause +the mother's eyes to distil tears of joy, I shall be in the +border-land of happiness, to say the least. I had fully intended to +exercise my inalienable rights and lie in the shade for two hours +to-day, but when I caught a glimpse of that little chap in the high +chair, and heard his pitiful plea for potatoes, I made for the +potato-patch post-haste, as if I were responding to a hurry call. I +suppose there is no more heart-breaking sound in nature than the +crying of a hungry child. I have been whistling all the afternoon +along with my hoeing, and now that I think of it, I must be whistling +because my potatoes are going to make that baby laugh. + +Well, if they do, then I shall elevate the hoeing of potatoes to the +rank of a privilege. Oh, I've read my "Tom Sawyer," and know about +his enterprise in getting the fence whitewashed by making the task +seem a privilege. But Tom was indulging in fiction, and hoeing +potatoes is no fiction. Still those whitewash artists had something +of the feeling that I experience right now, only there was no baby in +their picture as there is in mine, and so I have the baby as an +additional privilege. I wish I knew how to make all the school tasks +rank as privileges to my boys and girls. If I could only do that, +they would have gone far toward a liberal education. If I could only +get a baby to crying somewhere out beyond cube root I'm sure they +would struggle through the mazes of that subject, somehow, so as to +get to the baby to change its crying into laughter. 'Tis worth +trying. + +I wonder, after all, whether education is not the process of shifting +the emphasis from rights to privileges. I have a right, when I go +into the town, to keep my seat in the car and let the old lady use +the strap. If I insist upon that right I feel myself a boor, lacking +the sense and sensibilities of a gentleman. But when I relinquish my +seat I feel that I have exercised my privilege to be considerate and +courteous. I have a right to permit weeds and briers to overrun my +fences, and the fences themselves to go to rack, and so offend the +sight of my neighbors; but I esteem it a privilege to make the +premises clean and beautiful, so as to add so much to the sum total +of pleasure. I have a right to stay on my own side of the road and +keep to myself; but it is a great privilege to go up for a +half-hour's exchange of talk with my neighbor John. He always clears +the cobwebs from my eyes and from my soul, and I return to my work +refreshed. + +I have a right, too, to pore over the colored supplement for an hour +or so, but when I am able to rise to my privileges and take the Book +of Job instead, I feel that I have made a gain in self-respect, and +can stand more nearly erect. I have a right, when I go to church, to +sit silent and look bored; but, when I avail myself of the privilege +of joining in the responses and the singing, I feel that I am +fertilizing my spirit for the truth that is proclaimed. As a citizen +I have certain rights, but when I come to think of my privileges my +rights seem puny in comparison. Then, too, my rights are such cold +things, but my privileges are full of sunshine and of joy. My rights +seem mathematical, while my privileges seem curves of beauty. + +In his scientific laboratory at Princeton, on one occasion, the +celebrated Doctor Hodge, in preparing for an experiment said to some +students who were gathered about him: "Gentlemen, please remove your +hats; I am about to ask God a question." So it is with every one who +esteems his privileges. He is asking God questions about the glory +of the sunrise, the fragrance of the flowers, the colors of the +rainbow, the music of the brook, and the meaning of the stars. But I +hear a baby crying and must get back to my potatoes. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI + +CHANGING THE MIND + +I have been reading, in this book, of a man who couldn't change his +mind because his intellectual wardrobe was not sufficient to warrant +a change. I was feeling downright sorry for the poor fellow till I +got to wondering how many people are feeling sorry for me for the +same reason. That reflection changed the situation greatly, and I +began to feel some resentment against the blunt statement in the book +as being rather too personal. Just as I begin to think that we have +standardized a lot of things, along comes some one in a book, or +elsewhere, and completely upsets my fine and comforting theories and +projects me into chaos again. No sooner do I get a lot of facts all +nicely settled, and begin to enjoy complacency, than some disturber +of the peace knocks all my facts topsy-turvy, and says they are not +facts at all, but the merest fiction. Then I cry aloud with my old +friend Cicero, _Ubinam gentium sumus_, which, being translated in the +language of the boys, means, "Where in the world (or nation) are we +at?" They are actually trying to reform my spelling. I do wish +these reformers had come around sooner, when I was learning to spell +_phthisic_, _syzygy_, _daguerreotype_, and _caoutchouc_. They might +have saved me a deal of trouble and helped me over some of the high +places at the old-fashioned spelling-bees. + +I have a friend who is quite versed in science, and he tells me that +any book on science that is more than ten years old is obsolete. +Now, that puzzles me no little. If that is true, why don't they wait +till matters scientific are settled, and then write their books? Why +write a book at all when you know that day after tomorrow some one +will come along and refute all the theories and mangle the facts? +These science chaps must spend a great deal of their time changing +their intellectual clothing. It would be great fun to come back a +hundred years from now and read the books on science, psychology, and +pedagogy. I suppose the books we have now will seem like joke books +to our great-grandchildren, if people are compelled to change their +mental garments every day from now on. I wonder how long it will +take us human coral insects, to get our building up to the top of the +water. + +Whoever it was that said that consistency is a jewel would need to +take treatment for his eyes in these days. If I must change my +mental garb each day I don't see how I can be consistent. If I said +yesterday that some theory of science is the truth, the whole truth, +and nothing but the truth, and then find a revision of the statement +necessary to-day, I certainly am inconsistent. This jewel of +consistency certainly loses its lustre, if not its identity, in such +a process of shifting. I do hope these chameleon artists will leave +us the multiplication table, the yardstick, and the ablative +absolute. I'm not so particular about the wine-gallon, for +prohibition will probably do away with that anyhow. When I was in +school I could tell to a foot the equatorial and the polar diameter +of the earth, and what makes the difference. Why, I knew all about +that flattening at the poles, and how it came about. Then Mr. Peary +went up there and tramped all over the north pole, and never said a +word about the flattening when he came back. I was very much +disappointed in Mr. Peary. + +I know, quite as well as I know my own name, that the length of the +year is three hundred and sixty-five days, five hours, forty-eight +minutes, and forty-eight seconds, and if I find any one trying to lop +off even one second of my hard-learned year, I shall look upon him as +a meddler. That is one of my settled facts, and I don't care to have +it disturbed. If any one comes along trying to change the length of +my year, I shall begin to tremble for the safety of the Ten +Commandments. If I believe that a grasshopper is a quadruped, what +satisfaction could I possibly take in discovering that he has six +legs? It would merely disturb one of my settled facts, and I am more +interested in my facts than I am in the grasshopper. The trouble is, +though, that my neighbor John keeps referring to the grasshopper's +six legs; so I suppose I shall, in the end, get me a grasshopper suit +of clothes so as to be in the fashion. + +This discarding of my four-legged grasshopper and supplying myself +with one that has six legs may be what the poet means when he speaks +of our dead selves. He may refer to the new suit of mental clothing +that I am supposed to get each day, to the change of mind that I am +supposed to undergo as regularly as a daily bath. Possibly Mr. +Holmes meant something like that when he wrote his "Chambered +Nautilus." At each advance from one of these compartments to +another, I suppose I acquire a new suit of clothes, or, in other +words, change my mind. Let's see, wasn't it Theseus whose eternal +punishment in Hades was just to sit there forever? That seems +somewhat heavenly to me. But here on earth I suppose I must try to +keep up with the styles, and change my mental gear day by day. + +I think I might come to enjoy a change of suits every day if only +some one would provide them for me; but, if I must earn them myself, +the case is different. I'd like to have some one bestow upon me a +beautiful Greek suit for Monday, with its elegance, grace, and +dignity, a Roman suit for Tuesday, a science suit for Wednesday, a +suit of poetry for Thursday, and so on, day after day. But when I +must read all of Homer before I can have the Greek suit, the price +seems a bit stiff, and I'm not so avid about changing my mind. We +had a township picnic back home, once, and it seemed to me that I was +attending a congress of nations, for there were people there who had +driven five or six miles from the utmost bounds of the township. +That was a real mental adventure, and it took some time for me to +adjust myself to my new suit. Then I went to the county fair, where +were gathered people from all the townships, and my poor mind had a +mighty struggle trying to grasp the immensity of the thing. I felt +much the same as when I was trying to understand the mathematical +sign of infinity. And when I came upon the statement, in my +geography, that there are eighty-eight counties in our State, the +mind balked absolutely and refused to go on. I felt as did the old +gentleman who saw an aeroplane for the first time. After watching +its gyrations for some time he finally exclaimed: "They ain't no sich +thing." + +My college roommate, Mack, went over to London, once, on some errand, +and of course went to the British Museum. Near the entrance he came +upon the Rosetta Stone, and stood inthralled. He reflected that he +was standing in the presence of a monument that marks the beginning +of recorded history, that back of that all was dark, and that all the +books in all the libraries emanate from that beginning. The thought +was so big, so overmastering, that there was no room in his mind for +anything else, so he turned about and left without seeing anything +else in the Museum. Since then we have had many a big laugh together +as he recounts to me his wonderful visit to the Rosetta Stone. I see +clearly that in the presence of that modest stone he got all the +mental clothing he could possibly wear at the time. Changing the +mind sometimes seems to amount almost to surgery. + +Sometime, if I can get my stub pen limbered up I shall try my hand at +writing a bit of a composition on the subject of "The Inequality of +Equals." I know that the Declaration tells us that all men are born +free and equal, and I shall explain in my essay that it means us to +understand that while they are born equal, they begin to become +unequal the day after they are born, and become more so as one +changes his mind and the other one does not. I try, all the while, +to make myself believe that I am the equal of my neighbor, the judge, +and then I feel foolish to think that I ever tried it. The neighbors +all know it isn't true, and so do I when I quit arguing with myself. +He has such a long start of me now that I wonder if I can ever +overtake him. One thing, though, I'm resolved upon, and that is to +change my mind as often as possible. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII + +THE POINT OF VIEW + +Just why a boy is averse to washing his neck and ears is one of the +deep problems of social psychology, and yet the psychologists have +veered away from the subject. There must be a reason, and these mind +experts ought to be able and willing to find it, so as to relieve the +anxiety of the rest of us. It is easy for me to say, with a full-arm +gesture, that a boy is of the earth earthy, but that only begs the +question, as full-arm gestures are wont to do. Many a boy has shed +copious tears as he sat on a bench outside the kitchen door removing, +under compulsion, the day's accumulations from his feet as a +prerequisite for retiring. He would much prefer to sleep on the +floor to escape the foot-washing ordeal. Why, pray, should he wash +his feet when he knows full well that tomorrow night will find them +in the same condition? Why all the bother and trouble about a little +thing like that? Why can't folks let a fellow alone, anyhow? And, +besides, he went in swimming this afternoon, and that surely ought to +meet all the exactions of capricious parents. He exhibits his feet +as an evidence of the virtue of going swimming, for he is arranging +the preliminaries for another swimming expedition to-morrow. + +I recall very distinctly how strange it seemed that my father could +sit there and calmly talk about being a Democrat, or a Republican, or +a Baptist, or a Methodist, or about some one's discovering the north +pole, or about the President's message when the dog had a rat +cornered under the corn-crib and was barking like mad. But, then, +parents can't see things in their right relations and proportions. +And there sat mother, too, darning stockings, and the dog just stark +crazy about that rat. 'Tis enough to make a boy lose faith in +parents forevermore. A dog, a rat, and a boy--there's a combination +that recks not of the fall of empires or the tottering of thrones. +Even chicken-noodles must take second place in such a scheme of world +activities. And yet a mother would hold a boy back from the +forefront of such an enterprise to wash his neck. Oh, these mothers! + +I have read "Adam's Diary," by Mark Twain, in which he tells what +events were forward in Eden on Monday, what on Tuesday, and so on +throughout the week till he came to Sunday, and his only comment on +that day was "Pulled through." In the New England Primer we gather +the solemn information that "In Adam's fall, we sinned all." I admit +the fact freely, but beg to be permitted to plead extenuating +circumstances. Adam could go to church just as he was, but I had to +be renovated and, at times, almost parboiled and, in addition to +these indignities, had to wear shoes and stockings; and the stockings +scratched my legs, and the shoes were too tight. If Adam could +barely manage to pull through, just think of me. Besides, Adam +didn't have to wear a paper collar that disintegrated and smeared his +neck. The more I think of Adam's situation, the more sorry I feel +for myself. Why, he could just reach out and pluck some fruit to +help him through the services, but I had to walk a mile after church, +in those tight shoes, and then wait an hour for dinner. And I was +supposed to feel and act religious while I was waiting, but I didn't. + +If I could only have gone to church barefoot, with my shirt open at +the throat, and with a pocket full of cookies to munch _ad lib_ +throughout the services, I am sure that the spiritual uplift would +have been greater. The soul of a boy doesn't expand violently when +encased in a starched shirt and a paper collar, and these surmounted +by a thick coat, with the mercury at ninety-seven in the shade. I +think I can trace my religious retardation back to those hungry +Sundays, those tight shoes, that warm coat, and those frequent jabs +in my ribs when I fain would have slept. + +In my childhood there was such a host of people who were pushing and +pulling me about in an effort to make me good that, even yet, I shy +away from their style of goodness. The wonder is that I have any +standing at all in polite and upright society. So many folks said I +was bad and naughty, and applied so many other no less approbrious +epithets to me that, in time, I came to believe them, and tried +somewhat diligently to live up to the reputation they gave me. I +recall that one of my aunts came in one day and, seeing me out in the +yard most ingloriously tousled, asked my good mother: "Is that your +child?" Poor mother! I have often wondered how much travail of +spirit it must have cost her to acknowledge me as her very own. One +thumb, one great toe, and an ankle were decorated with greasy rags, +and I was far from being ornamental. I had been hulling walnuts, +too, and my stained hands served to accentuate the human scenery. + +This same aunt had three boys of her own, later on, and a more +disreputable-looking crew it would be hard to find. I confess that I +took a deal of grim satisfaction in their dilapidated ensemble, just +for my aunt's benefit, of course. They were fine, wholesome, natural +boys in spite of their parentage, and I liked them even while I +gloried in their cuts, bruises, and dirt. At that time I was wearing +a necktie and had my shoes polished but, even so, I yearned to join +with them in their debauch of sand, mud, and general indifference to +convention. They are fine, upstanding young chaps now, and of course +their mother thinks that her scolding, nagging, and baiting made them +so. They know better, but are too kind and considerate to reveal the +truth to their mother. + +Even yet I have something like admiration for the ingenuity of my +elders in conjuring up spooks, hob-goblins, and bugaboos with which +to scare me into submission. I conformed, of course, but I never +gave them a high grade in veracity. I yielded simply to gain time, +for I knew where there was a chipmunk in a hole, and was eager to get +to digging him out just as soon as my apparent submission for a brief +time had proved my complete regeneration. They used to tell me that +children should be seen but not heard, and I knew they wanted to do +the talking. I often wonder whether their notion of a good child +would have been satisfactorily met if I had suddenly become +paralyzed, or ossified, or petrified. In either of these cases I +could have been seen but not heard. One day, not long ago, when I +felt at peace with all the world and was comfortably free from care, +a small, thumb-sucking seven-year-old asked: "How long since the +world was born?" After I told him that it was about four thousand +years he worked vigorously at his thumb for a time, and then said: +"That isn't very long." Then I wished I had said four millions, so +as to reduce him to silence, for one doesn't enjoy being routed and +put to confusion by a seven-year-old. + +After quite a silence he asked again: "What was there before the +world was born?" That was an easy one; so I said in a tone of +finality: "There wasn't anything." Then I went on with my +meditations, thinking I had used the soft pedal effectively. Silence +reigned supreme for some minutes, and then was rudely shattered. His +thumb flew from his mouth, and he laughed so lustily that he could be +heard throughout the house. When his laughter had spent itself +somewhat, I asked meekly: "What are you laughing at?" His answer +came on the instant, but still punctuated with laughter: "I was +laughing to see how funny it was when there wasn't anything." No +wonder that folks want children to be seen but not heard. And some +folks are scandalized because a chap like that doesn't like to wash +his neck and ears. + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII + +PICNICS + +The code of table etiquette in the days of my boyhood, as I now +recall it, was expressed something like: "Eat what is set before you +and ask no questions." We heeded this injunction with religious +fidelity, but yearned to ask why they didn't set more before us. +About the only time that a real boy gets enough to eat is when he +goes to a picnic and, even there and then, the rounding out of the +programme is connected with clandestine visits to the baskets after +the formal ceremonies have been concluded. At a picnic there is no +such expression as "from soup to nuts," for there is no soup, and +perhaps no nuts, but there is everything else in tantalizing +abundance. If I find a plate of deviled eggs near me, I begin with +deviled eggs; or, if the cold tongue is nearer, I begin with that. +In this way I reveal, for the pleasure of the hostesses, my +unrestricted and democratic appetite. Or, in order to obviate any +possible embarrassment during the progress of the chicken toward me, +I may take a piece of pie or a slice of cake, thinking that they may +not return once they have been put in circulation. Certainly I take +jelly when it passes along, as well as pickles, olives, and cheese. +There is no incongruity, at such a time, in having a slice of baked +ham and a slice of angel-food cake on one's plate or in one's hands. +They harmonize beautifully both in the color scheme and in the +gastronomic scheme. At a picnic my boyhood training reaches its full +fruition: "Eat what is set before you and ask no questions." These +things I do. + +That's a good rule for reading, too, just to read what is set before +you and ask no questions. I'm thinking now of the reader member of +my dual nature, not the student member. I like to cater somewhat to +both these members. When the reader member is having his inning, I +like to give him free rein and not hamper him by any lock-step or +stereotyped method or course. I like to lead him to a picnic table +and dismiss him with the mere statement that "Heaven helps those who +help themselves," and thus leave him to his own devices. If +Southey's, "The Curse of Kehama," happens to be nearest his plate, he +will naturally begin with that as I did with the deviled eggs. Or he +may nibble at "The House-Boat on the Styx" while some one is passing +the Shakespeare along. He may like Emerson, and ask for a second +helping, and that's all right, too, for that's a nourishing sort of +food. Having partaken of this generously, he will enjoy all the more +the jelly when it comes along in the form of "Nonsense Anthology." +The more I think of it the more I see that reading is very like a +picnic dinner. It is all good, and one takes the food which is +nearest him, whether pie or pickles. + +When any one asks me what I am reading, I become much embarrassed. I +may be reading a catalogue of books at the time, or the book notices +in some magazine, but such reading may not seem orthodox at all to +the one who asks the question. My reading may be too desultory or +too personal to be paraded in public. I don't make it a practice to +tell all the neighbors what I ate for breakfast. I like to saunter +along through the book just as I ride in a gondola when in Venice. +I'm not going anywhere, but get my enjoyment from merely being on the +way. I pay the gondolier and then let him have his own way with me. +So with the book. I pay the money and then abandon myself to it. If +it can make me laugh, why, well and good, and I'll laugh. If it +causes me to shed tears, why, let the tears flow. They may do me +good. If I ever become conscious of the number of the page of the +book I am reading, I know there is something the matter with that +book or else with me. If I ever become conscious of the page number +in David Grayson's "Adventures in Contentment," or "The Friendly +Road," I shall certainly consult a physician. I do become +semiconscious at times that I am approaching the end of the feast, +and feel regret that the book is not larger. + +I have spasms and enjoy them. Sometimes, I have a Dickens spasm, and +read some of his books for the _n_th time. I have frittered away +much time in my life trying to discover whether a book is worth a +second reading. If it isn't, it is hardly worth a first reading, I +don't get tired of my friend Brown, so why should I put Dickens off +with a mere society call? If I didn't enjoy Brown I'd not visit him +so frequently; but, liking him, I go again and again. So with +Dickens, Mark Twain, and Shakespeare. The story goes that a second +Uncle Remus was sitting on a stump in the depths of a forest sawing +away on an old discordant violin. A man, who chanced to come upon +him, asked what he was doing. With no interruption of his musical +activities, he answered: "Boss, I'se serenadin' m' soul." Book or +violin, 'tis all the same. Uncle Remus and I are serenading our +souls and the exercise is good for us. + +I was laid by with typhoid fever for a few weeks once, and the doctor +came at eleven o'clock in the morning and at five o'clock in the +afternoon. If he happened to be a bit late I grew impatient, and my +fever increased. He discovered this fact, and was no more tardy. He +was reading "John Fiske" at the time, and Grant's "Memoirs," and at +each visit reviewed for me what he had read since the previous visit. +He must have been glad when I no longer needed to take my history by +proxy, for I kept him up to the mark, and bullied him into reciting +twice a day. I don't know what drugs he gave me, but I do know that +"Fiske" and "Grant" are good for typhoid, and heartily commend them +to the general public. I am rather glad now that I had typhoid fever. + +I listen with amused tolerance to people who grow voluble on the +weather and their symptoms, and often wish they would ask me to +prescribe for them. I'd probably tell them to become readers of +William J. Locke. But, perhaps, their symptoms might seem preferable +to the remedy. A neighbor came in to borrow a book, and I gave her +"Les Miserables," which she returned in a day or so, saying that she +could not read it. I knew that I had overestimated her, and that I +didn't have a book around of her size. I had loaned my "Robin Hood," +"Rudder Grange," "Uncle Remus," and "Sonny" to the children round +about. + +I like to browse around among my books, and am trying to have my boys +and girls acquire the same habit. Reading for pure enjoyment isn't a +formal affair any more than eating. Sometimes I feel in the mood for +a grapefruit for breakfast, sometimes for an orange, and sometimes +for neither. I'm glad not to board at a place where they have +standardized breakfasts and reading. If I feel in the mood for an +orange I want an orange, even if my neighbor has a casaba melon. So, +if I want my "Middlemarch," I'm quite eager for that book, and am +quite willing for my neighbor to have his "Henry Esmond." The +appetite for books is variable, the same as for food, and I'd rather +consult my appetite than my neighbor when choosing a book as a +companion through a lazy afternoon beneath the maple-tree, I refuse +to try to supervise the reading of my pupils. Why, I couldn't +supervise their eating. I'd have to find out whether the boy was +yearning for porterhouse steak or ice-cream, first; then I might help +him make a selection. The best I can do is to have plenty of steak, +potatoes, pie, and ice-cream around, and allow him to help himself. + + + + +CHAPTER XIX + +MAKE-BELIEVE + +The text may be found in "Over Bemerton's," by E. V. Lucas, and reads +as follows: "A gentle hypocrisy is not only the basis but the salt of +civilized life." This statement startled me a bit at first; but when +I got to thinking of my experience in having a photograph of myself +made I saw that Mr. Lucas has some warrant for his statement. There +has been only one Oliver Cromwell to say: "Paint me as I am." The +rest of us humans prefer to have the wart omitted. If my photograph +is true to life I don't want it. I'm going to send it away, and I +don't want the folks who get it to think I look like that. If I were +a woman and could wear a disguise of cosmetics when sitting for a +picture the case might not be quite so bad. The subtle flattery of +the photograph is very grateful to us mortals whether we admit it or +not. My friend Baxter introduced me once as a man who is not +two-faced, and went on to explain that if I had had two faces I'd +have brought the other instead of this one. And that's true. I +expect the photographer to evoke another face for me, and hence my +generous gift of money to him. I like that chap immensely. He takes +my money, gives me another face, bows me out with the grace of a +finished courtier, and never, by word or look, reveals his knowledge +of my hypocrisy. + +As a boy I had a full suit of company manners which I wore only when +guests were present, and so was always sorry to have guests come. I +sat back on the chair instead of on its edge; I didn't swing my legs +unless I had a lapse of memory; I said, "Yes, ma'am," and, "No, +ma'am," like any other parrot, just as I did at rehearsal; and, in +short, I was a most exemplary child save for occasional reactions to +unlooked-for situations. The folks knew I was posing, and were on +nettles all the while from fear of a breakdown; the guests knew I was +posing, and I knew I was posing. But we all pretended to one another +that that was the regular order of procedure in our house. So we had +a very gratifying concert exercise in hypocrisy. We said our prayers +that night just as usual. + +With such thorough training in my youth it is not at all strange that +I now consider myself rather an adept in the prevailing social +usages. At a musicale I applaud fit to blister my hands, even though +I feel positively pugnacious. But I know the singer has an encore +prepared, and I feel that it would be ungracious to disappoint her. +Besides, I argue with myself that I can stand it for five minutes +more if the others can. Professor James, I think it is, says that we +ought to do at least one disagreeable thing each day as an aid in the +development of character. Being rather keen on character +development, I decide on a double dose of the disagreeable while +opportunity favors. Hence my vigorous applauding. Then, too, I +realize that the time and place are not opportune for an expression +of my honest convictions; so I choose the line of least resistance +and well-nigh blister my hands to emphasize my hypocrisy. + +At a formal dinner I have been known to sink so low into the depths +of hypocrisy as to eat shrimp salad. But when one is sitting next to +a lady who seems a confirmed celibate, and who seems to find nothing +better than to become voluble on the subject of her distinguished +ancestors, even shrimp salad has its uses. Now, under normal +conditions my perverted and plebeian taste regards shrimp salad as a +banality, but at that dinner I ate it with apparent relish, and tried +not to make a wry face. But, worst of all, I complimented the +hostess upon the excellence of the dinner, and extolled the salad +particularly, although we both knew that the salad was a failure, and +that the dinner itself convicted the cook of a lack of experience or +else of a superfluity of potations. + +When the refreshments are served I take a thimbleful of ice-cream and +an attenuated wafer, and then solemnly declare to the maid that I +have been abundantly served. In the hallowed precincts that I call +my den I could absorb nine rations such as they served and never bat +an eye. And yet, in making my adieus to the hostess, I thank her +most effusively for a delightful evening, refreshments included, and +then hurry grumbling home to get something to eat. Such are some of +the manifestations of social hypocrisy. These all pass current at +their face value, and yet we all know that nobody is deceived. Still +it is great fun to play make-believe, and the world would have +convulsions if we did not indulge in these pleasing deceptions. In +the clever little book "Molly Make-Believe" the girl pretends at +first that she loves the man, and later on comes to love him to +distraction, and she lived happy ever after, too. When, in my fever, +I would ask about my temperature, the nurse would give a numeral +about two degrees below the real record to encourage me, and I can't +think that St. Peter will bar her out just for that. + +The psychologists give mild assent to the theory that a physical +attitude may generate an emotion. If I assume a belligerent +attitude, they claim that, in time, I shall feel really belligerent; +that in a loafing attitude I shall presently be loafing; and that, if +I assume the attitude of a listener, I shall soon be listening most +intently. This seems to be justified by the experiences of Edwin +Booth on the stage. He could feign fighting for a time, and then it +became real fighting, and great care had to be taken to avert +disastrous consequences when his sword fully struck its gait. I +believe the psychologists have never fully agreed on the question +whether the man is running from the bear because he is scared or is +scared because he is running. + +I dare say Mr. Shakespeare was trying to express this theory when he +said: "Assume a virtue, though you have it not." That's exactly what +I'm trying to have my pupils do all the while. I'm trying to have +them wear their company manners continually, so that, in good time, +they will become their regular working garb. I'm glad to have them +assume the attitudes of diligence and politeness, thinking that their +attitudes may generate the corresponding emotions. It is a severe +strain on a boy at times to seem polite when he feels like hurling +missiles. We both know that his politeness is mere make-believe, but +we pretend not to know, and so move along our ways of hypocrisy +hoping that good may come. + +There is a telephone-girl over in the central station, wherever that +is, who certainly is beautiful if the voice is a true index. Her +tones are dulcet, and her voice is so mellow and well modulated that +I visualize her as another Venus. I suspect that, when she began her +work, some one told her that her tenure of position depended upon the +quality of her voice. So, I imagine, she assumed a tonal quality of +voice that was really a sublimated hypocrisy, and persisted in this +until now that quality of voice is entirely natural. I can't think +that Shakespeare had her specially in mind, but, if I ever have the +good fortune to meet her, I shall certainly ask her if she reads +Shakespeare. Now that I think of it, I shall try this treatment on +my own voice, for it sorely needs treatment. Possibly I ought to +take a course of training at the telephone-station. + +I am now thoroughly persuaded that Mr. Lucas gave expression to a +great principle of pedagogy in what he said about hypocrisy, and I +shall try to be diligent in applying it. If I can get my boys to +assume an arithmetical attitude, they may come to have an +arithmetical feeling, and that would give me great joy. I don't care +to have them express their honest feelings either about me or the +work, but would rather have them look polite and interested, even if +it is hypocrisy. I'd like to have all my boys and girls act as if +they consider me absolutely fair, just, and upright, as well as the +most kind, courteous, generous, scholarly, skillful, and complaisant +schoolmaster that ever lived, no matter what they really think. + + + + +CHAPTER XX + +BEHAVIOR + +If I only knew how to teach English, I'd have far more confidence in +my schoolmastering. But I don't seem to get on. The system breaks +down too often to suit me. Just when I think I have some lad +inoculated with elegant English through the process of reading from +some classic, he says, "might of came," and I become obfuscated +again. I have a book here in which I read that it is the business of +the teacher so to organize the activities of the school that they +will function in behavior. Well, my boys' behavior in the use of +English indicates that I haven't organized the activities of my +English class very effectively. I seem to be more of a success in a +cherry-orchard than in an English class. My cherries are large and +round, a joy to the eye and delightful to the taste. The fruit +expert tells me they are perfect, and so I feel that I organized the +activities in that orchard efficiently. In fact, the behavior of my +cherry-trees is most gratifying. But when I hear my pupils talk or +read their essays, and find a deal of imperfect fruit in the way of +solecisms and misspelled words, I feel inclined to discredit my skill +in organizing the activities in this human orchard. + +I think my trouble is (and it is trouble), that I proceed upon the +agreeable assumption that my pupils can "catch" English as they do +the measles if only they are exposed to it. So I expose them to the +objective complement and the compellative, and then stand aghast at +their behavior when they make all the mistakes that can possibly be +made in using a given number of words. I have occasion to wonder +whether I juggle these big words merely because I happen to see them +in a book, or whether I am trying to be impressive. I recall how +often I have felt a thrill of pride as I have ladled out deliberative +subjunctives, ethical datives, and hysteron proteron to my +(supposedly) admiring Latin pupils. If I were a soldier I should +want to wear one of those enormous three-story military hats to +render me tall and impressive. I have no desire to see a drum-major +minus his plumage. The disillusionment would probably be depressing. +Liking to wear my shako, I must continue to talk of objective +complements instead of using simple English. + +I had watched men make a hundred barrels, but when I tried my skill I +didn't produce much of a barrel. Then I knew making barrels is not +violently infectious. But I suspect that it is quite the same as +English in this respect. My behavior in that cooper-shop, for a +time, was quite destructive of materials, until I had acquired skill +by much practice. + +If I could only organize the activities in my English class so that +they would function in such behavior as Lincoln's "Letter to Mrs. +Bixby," I should feel that I might continue my teaching instead of +devoting all my time to my cherry-orchard. Or, if I could see that +my pupils were acquiring the habit of correct English as the result +of my work, I'd give myself a higher grade as a schoolmaster. My +neighbor over here teaches agriculture, and one of his boys produced +one hundred and fifty bushels of corn on an acre of ground. That's +what I call excellent behavior, and that schoolmaster certainly knows +how to organize the activities of his class. My boy's yield of +thirty-seven bushels, mostly nubbins, does not compare favorably with +the yield of his boy, and I feel that I ought to reform, or else wear +a mask. Here is my boy saying "might of came," and his boy is +raising a hundred and fifty bushels of corn per acre. + +If I could only assemble all my boys and girls twenty years hence and +have them give an account of themselves for all the years after they +left school, I could grade them with greater accuracy than I can +possibly do now. Of course, I'd simply grade them on behavior, and +if I could muster up courage, I might ask them to grade mine. I +wonder how I'd feel if I'd find among them such folks as Edison, +Burbank, Goethals, Clara Barton, and Frances Willard. My neighbor +John says the most humiliating experience that a man can have is to +wear a pair of his son's trousers that have been cut down to fit him. +I might have some such feelings as that in the presence of pupils who +had made such notable achievements. But, should they tell me that +these achievements were due, in some good measure, to the work of the +school, well, that would be glory enough for me. One of my boys was +telling me only yesterday of a bit of work he did the day before in +the way of revealing a process in chemistry to a firm of jewellers +and hearing the superintendent say that that bit of information is +worth a thousand dollars to the establishment. If he keeps on doing +things like that I shall grade his behavior one of these days. + +I suppose Mr. Goethals must have learned the multiplication table, +once upon a time, and used it, too, in constructing the Panama Canal. +He certainly made it effective, and the activities of that class in +arithmetic certainly did function. I tell my boys that this +multiplication table is the same one that Mr. Goethals has been using +all the while, and then ask them what use they expect to make of it. +One man made use of this table in tunnelling the Alps, and another in +building the Brooklyn Bridge, and it seems to be good for many more +bridges and tunnels if I can only organize the activities aright. + +I was standing in front of St. Marks, there in Venice, one morning, +regaling myself with the beauty of the festive scene, and talking to +a friend, when four of my boys came strolling up, and they seemed +more my boys than ever before. What a reunion we had! The folks all +about us didn't understand it in the least, but we did, and that was +enough. I forgot my coarse clothes, my well-nigh empty pockets, my +inability to buy the many beautiful things that kept tantalizing me, +and the meagreness of my salary. These were all swallowed up in the +joy of seeing the boys, and I wanted to proclaim to all and sundry; +"These are my jewels." Those boys are noble, clean, upstanding +fellows, and no schoolmaster could help being proud of them. Such as +they nestle down in the heart of the schoolmaster and cause him to +know that life is good. + +I was sorry not to be able to share my joy with my friend who stood +near, but that could not be. I might have used words to him, but he +would not have understood. He had never yearned over those fellows +and watched them, day by day, hoping that they might grow up to be an +honor to their school. He had never had the experience of watching +from the schoolhouse window, fervently wishing that no harm might +come to them, and that no shadows might come over their lives. He +had never known the joy of sitting up far into the night to prepare +for the coming of those boys the next day. He had never seen their +eyes sparkle in the classroom when, for them, truth became illumined. +Of course, he stood aloof, for he couldn't know. Only the +schoolmaster can ever know how those four boys became the focus of +all that wondrous beauty on that splendid morning. If I had had my +grade-book along I would have recorded their grades in behavior, for +as I looked upon those glorious chaps and heard them recount their +experiences I had a feeling of exaltation, knowing that the +activities of our school had functioned in right behavior. + + + + +CHAPTER XXI + +FOREFINGERS + +This left forefinger of mine is certainly a curiosity. It looks like +a miniature totem-pole, and I wish I had before me its life history. +I'd like to know just how all these seventeen scars were acquired. +It seems to have come in contact with about all sorts and sizes of +cutlery. If only teachers or parents had been wise enough to make a +record of all my bloodletting mishaps, with occasions, causes, and +effects, that record would afford a fruitful study for students of +education. The pity of it is that we take no account of such matters +as phases or factors of education. We keep saying that experience is +the best teacher, and then ignore this eloquent forefinger. I call +that criminal neglect arising from crass ignorance. Why, these scars +that adorn many parts of my body are the foot-prints of evolution, +if, indeed, evolution makes tracks. The scars on the faces of those +students at Heidelberg are accounted badges of honor, but they cannot +compare with the big scar on my left knee that came to me as the free +gift of a corn-knife. Those students wanted their scars to take home +to show their mothers. I didn't want mine, and made every effort to +conceal it, as well as the hole in my trousers. I got my scar as a +warning. I profited by it, too, for never were there two cuts in +exactly the same place. In fact, they were widely, if not wisely, +distributed. They are the indices of the soaring sense of my +youthful audacity. And yet neither parents nor teachers ever graded +my scars. + +I recall quite distinctly that, at one time, I proclaimed boldly over +one entire page of a copy-book, that knowledge is power, and became +so enthusiastic in these numerous proclamations that I wrote on the +bias, and zigzagged over the page with fine abandon. But no teacher +ever even hinted to me that the knowledge I acquired from my contest +with a nest of belligerent bumblebees had the slightest connection +with power. When I groped my way home with both eyes swollen shut I +was never lionized. Indeed, no! Anything but that! I couldn't milk +the cows that evening, and couldn't study my lesson, and therefore, +my newly acquired knowledge was called weakness instead of power. +They did not seem to realize that my swollen face was prominent in +the scheme of education, nor that bumblebees and yellow-jackets may +be a means of grace. They wanted me to be solving problems in common +(sometimes called vulgar) fractions. I don't fight bumblebees any +more, which proves that my knowledge generated power. The emotions +of my boyhood presented a scene of grand disorder, and those +bumblebees helped to organize them, and to clarify and define my +sense of values. I can philosophize about a bumblebee far more +judicially now than I could when my eyes were swollen shut. + +I went to the town to attend a circus one day, and concluded I'd +celebrate the day with eclat by getting my hair cut. At the +conclusion of this ceremony the tonsorial Beau Brummel, in the most +seductive tones, suggested a shampoo. I just couldn't resist his +blandishments, and so consented. Then he suggested tonic, and grew +quite eloquent in recounting the benefits to the scalp, and I took +tonic. I felt quite a fellow, till I came to pay the bill, and then +discovered that I had but fifteen cents left from all my wealth. +That, of course, was not sufficient for a ticket to the circus, so I +bought a bag of peanuts and walked home, five miles, meditating, the +while, upon the problem of life. My scalp was all right, but just +under that scalp was a seething, soundless hubbub. I learned things +that day that are not set down in the books, even if I did get myself +laughed at. When I get to giving school credits for home work I +shall certainly excuse the boy who has had such an experience as that +from solving at least four problems in vulgar fractions, and I shall +include that experience in my definition of education, too. + +I have tried to back-track Paul Laurence Dunbar, now and then, and +have found it good fun. Once I started with his expression, "the +whole sky overhead and the whole earth underneath," and tried to get +back to where that started. He must have been lying on his back on +some grass-plot, right in the centre of everything, with that whole +half-sphere of sky luring his spirit out toward the infinite, with a +pillow that was eight thousand miles thick. If I had been his +teacher I might have called him lazy and shiftless as he lay there, +because he was not finding how to place a decimal point, I'm glad, on +the whole, that I was not his teacher, for I'd have twinges of +conscience every time I read one of his big thoughts. I'd feel that, +while he was lying there growing big, I was doing my best to make him +little. When I was lying on my back there in the Pantheon in Rome, +looking up through that wide opening, and watching a moving-picture +show that has no rival, the fleecy clouds in their ever-changing +forms against that blue background of matchless Italian sky, those +gendarmes debated the question of arresting me for disorderly +conduct. My conduct was disorderly because they couldn't understand +it. But, if Raphael could have risen from his tomb only a few yards +away, he would have told those fellows not to disturb me while I was +being so liberally educated. Then, that other time, when my friend +Reuben and I stood on the very prow of the ship when the sea was +rolling high, swinging us up into the heights, and then down into the +depths, with the roar drowning out all possibility of talk--well, +somehow, I thought of that copy-book back yonder with its message +that "Knowledge is power." And I never think of power without +recalling that experience as I watched that battle royal between the +power of the sea and the power of the ship that could withstand the +angry buffeting of the waves, and laugh in glee as it rode them down. +I know that six times nine are fifty-four, but I confess that I +forgot this fact out there on the prow of that ship. Some folks +might say that Reuben and I were wasting our time, but I can't think +so. I like, even now, to stand out in the clear during a +thunder-storm. I want the head uncovered, too, that the wind may +toss my hair about while I look the lightning-flashes straight in the +eye and stand erect and unafraid as the thunder crashes and rolls and +reverberates about me. I like to watch the trees swaying to and fro, +keeping time to the majestic rhythm of the elements. To me such an +experience is what my neighbor John calls "growing weather," and at +such a time the bigness of the affair causes me to forget for the +time that there are such things as double datives. + +One time I spent the greater part of a forenoon watching logs go over +a dam. It seems a simple thing to tell, and hardly worth the +telling, but it was a great morning in actual experience. In time +those huge logs became things of life, and when they arose from their +mighty plunge into the watery deeps they seemed to shake themselves +free and laugh in their freedom. And there were battles, too. They +struggled and fought and rode over one another, and their mighty +collisions produced a very thunder of sound. I tried to read the +book which I had with me, but could not. In the presence of such a +scene one cannot read a book unless it is one of Victor Hugo's. That +copy-book looms up again as I think of those logs, and I wonder +whether knowledge is power, and whether experience is the best +teacher. But, dear me! Here I've been frittering away all this good +time, and these papers not graded yet! + + + + +CHAPTER XXII + +STORY-TELLING + +My boys like to have me tell them stories, and, if the stories are +true ones, they like them all the better. So I sometimes become +reminiscent when they gather about me and let them lead me along as +if I couldn't help myself when they are so interested. In this way I +become one of them. I like to whittle a nice pine stick while I +talk, for then the talk seems incidental to the whittling and so +takes hold of them all the more. In the midst of the talking a boy +will sometimes slip into my hand a fresh stick, when I have about +exhausted the whittling resources of the other. That's about the +finest encore I have ever received. A boy knows how to pay a +compliment in a delicate way when the mood for compliments is on him, +and if that mood of his is handled with equal delicacy great things +may be accomplished. + +Well, the other day as I whittled the inevitable pine stick I let +them lure from me the story of Sant. Now, Sant was my seatmate in +the village school back yonder, and I now know that I loved him +whole-heartedly. I didn't know this at the time, for I took him as a +matter of course, just as I did my right hand. His name was Sanford, +but boys don't call one another by their right names. They soon find +affectionate nicknames. I have quite a collection of these nicknames +myself, but have only a hazy notion of how or where they were +acquired. When some one calls me by one of these names, I can +readily locate him in time and place, for I well know that he must +belong in a certain group or that name would not come to his lips. +These nicknames that we all have are really historical. Well, we +called him Sant, and that name conjures up before me one of the most +wholesome boys I have ever known. He was brimful of fun. A +heartier, more sincere laugh a boy never had, and my affection for +him was as natural as my breathing. He knew I liked him, though I +never told him so. Had I told him, the charm would have been broken. + +In those days spelling was one of the high lights of school work, and +we were incited to excellence in this branch of learning by head +tickets, which were a promise of still greater honor, in the form of +a prize, to the winner. The one who stood at the head of the class +at the close of the lesson received a ticket, and the holder of the +greatest number of these tickets at the end of the school year bore +home in triumph the much-coveted prize in the shape of a book as a +visible token of superiority. I wanted that prize, and worked for +it. Tickets were accumulating in my little box with exhilarating +regularity, and I was nobly upholding the family name when I was +stricken with pneumonia, and my victorious career had a rude check. +My nearest competitor was Sam, who almost exulted in my illness +because of the opportunity it afforded him for a rich harvest of head +tickets. In the exuberance of his joy he made some remark to this +effect, which Sant overheard. Up to this time Sant had taken no +interest in the contests in spelling, but Sam's remark galvanized him +into vigorous life, and spelling became his overmastering passion. +Indeed, he became the wonder of the school, and in consequence poor +Sam's anticipations were not realized. Day after day Sant caught the +word that Sam missed, and thus added another ticket to his +collection. So it went until I took my place again, and then Sant +lapsed back into his indifference, leaving me to look after Sam +myself. When I tried to face him down with circumstantial evidence +he seemed pained to think that I could ever consider him capable of +such designing. The merry twinkle in his eye was the only confession +he ever made. Small wonder that I loved Sant. If I were writing a +testimonial for myself I should say that it was much to my credit +that I loved a boy like that. + +As a boy my risibilities were easily excited, and I'm glad that, even +yet, I have not entirely overcome that weakness. If I couldn't have +a big laugh, now and then, I'd feel that I ought to consult a +physician. My boys and girls and I often laugh together, but never +at one another. Sant had a deal of fun with my propensity to laugh. +When we were conning our geography lesson, he would make puns upon +such names as Chattahoochee and Appalachicola, and I would promptly +explode. Then, enter the teacher. But I drop the mantle of charity +over the next scene, for his school-teaching was altogether personal, +and not pedagogical. He didn't know that puns and laughter were the +reactions on the part of us boys that caused us to know the facts of +the book. But he wanted us to learn those facts in his way, and not +in our own. Poor fellow! _Requiescat in pace_, if he can. + +Sant was the first one of our crowd to go to college, and we were all +proud of him, and predicted great things for him. We all knew he was +brilliant and felt certain that the great ones in the college would +soon find it out. And they did; for ever and anon some news would +filter through to us that Sant was battening upon Latin, Greek, +mathematics, science, and history. Of course, we gave all the credit +to our little school, and seemed to forget that the Lord may have had +something to do with it. When we proved by Sant's achievements that +our school was _ne plus ultra_, I noticed that the irascible teacher +joined heartily in the chorus. I intend to get all the glory I can +from the achievements of my pupils, but I do hope that they may not +be my sole dependence at the distribution of glory. Yes, Sant +graduated, and his name was written high upon the scroll. But he +could not deliver his oration, for he was sick, and a friend read it +for him. And when he arose to receive his diploma he had to stand on +crutches. They took him home in a carriage, and within a week he was +dead. The fires of genius had burned brightly for a time and then +went out in darkness, because his father and mother were first +cousins. + +At the conclusion of this story, the boys were silent for a long +time, and I knew the story was having its effect. Then there was a +slight movement, and one of them put into my hand another pine stick. +I whittled in silence for a time, and then told them of a woman I +know who is well-known and highly esteemed in more than one State +because of her distinctive achievements. One day I saw her going +along the street leading by the hand a little four-year-old boy. He +was the picture of health, and rollicked along as only such a healthy +little chap can. He was eager to see all the things that were +displayed in the windows, but to me he and the proud mother were the +finest show on the street. She beamed upon him like another Madonna, +and it seemed to me that the Master must have been looking at some +such glorious child as that when he said; "Suffer the little children +to come unto me." + +A few weeks later I was riding on the train with that mother, and she +was telling me that the little fellow had been ill, and told how +anxious she had been through several days and nights because the +physicians could not discover the cause of his illness. Then she +told how happy she was that he had about recovered, and how bright he +seemed when she kissed him good-by that morning. I saw her several +times that week and at each meeting she gave me good news of the +little boy at home. + +Inside of another month that noble little fellow was dead. +Apparently he was his own healthy, happy little self, and then was +stricken as he had been before. The pastor of the church of which +the parents are members told me of the death scene. It occurred at +about one o'clock in the morning, and the mother was worn and haggard +from anxiety and days of watching. The members of the family, the +physician, and the pastor were standing around the bed, but the +mother was on her knees close beside the little one, who was writhing +in the most awful convulsions. Then the stricken mother looked +straight into heaven and made a personal appeal to God to come and +relieve the little fellow's sufferings. Again and again she prayed: +"Oh, God, do come and take my little boy." And the Angel of Death, +in answer to that prayer, came in and touched the baby, and he was +still. + +The mother of that child may or may not know that the grandfather of +that child came into that room that night, though he had been long in +his grave, and murdered her baby--murdered him with tainted blood. +That grandfather had not lived a clean life, and so broke a mother's +heart and forced her in agony to pray for the death of her own child. + +When I had finished I walked quietly away, leaving the boys to their +own thoughts, and as I walked I breathed the wish that my boys may +live such clean, wholesome, upright, temperate lives that no child or +grandchild may ever have occasion to reproach them, or point the +finger of scorn at them, and that no mother may ever pray for death +to come to her baby because of a taint in their blood. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIII + +GRANDMOTHER + +My grandmother was about the nicest grandmother that a boy ever had, +and in memory of her, I am quite partial to all the grandmothers. I +like Whistler's portrait of his mother there in the Luxembourg--the +serene face, the cap and strings, and the folded hands--because it +takes me back to the days and to the presence of my grandmother. She +got into my heart when I was a boy, and she is there yet; and there +she will stay. The bread and butter that she somehow contrived to +get to us boys between meals made us feel that she could read our +minds. I attended a banquet the other night, but they had no such +bread and butter as we boys had there in the shade of that +apple-tree. It was real bread and real butter, and the appetite was +real, too, and that helped to invest grandmother with a halo. +Sometimes she would add jelly, and that caused our cup of joy to run +over. She just could not bear a hungry look on the face of a boy, +and when such a look appeared she exorcised it in the way that a boy +likes. What I liked about her was that she never attached any +conditions to her bread and butter--no, not even when she added +jelly, but her gifts were as free as salvation. The more I think of +the matter, the more I am convinced that her gifts were salvation, +for I know, by experience, that a hungry boy is never a good boy, at +least, not to excess. + +Whatever the vicissitudes of life might be to me, I knew that I had a +city of refuge beside grandmother's big armchair, and when trouble +came I instinctively sought that haven, often with rare celerity. In +that hallowed place there could be no hunger, nor thirst, nor +persecution. In that place there was peace and plenty, whatever +there might be elsewhere. I often used to wonder how she could know +a boy so well. I would be aching to go over to play with Tom, and +the first thing I knew grandmother was sending me over there on some +errand, telling me there was no special hurry about coming back. My +father might set his foot down upon some plan of mine ever so firmly, +but grandmother had only to smile at him and he was reduced to a +degree of limpness that contributed to my escape. I have often +wondered whether that smile on the face of grandmother did not remind +him, of some of his own boyish pranks. + +We boys knew, somehow, what she expected of us, and her expectation +was the measuring rod with which we tested our conduct. Boy-like, we +often wandered away into a far country, but when we returned, she had +the fatted calf ready for us, with never a question as to our travels +abroad. In that way foreign travel lost something of its glamour, +and the home life made a stronger appeal. She made her own bill of +fare so appetizing that we lost all our relish for husks and the +table companions connected with them. She never asked how or where +we acquired the cherry-stains on our shirts, but we knew that she +recognized cherry-stains when she saw them. The next day our shirts +were innocent of foreign cherry-stains, and we experienced a feeling +of righteousness. She made us feel that we were equal partners with +her in the enterprise of life, and that hoeing the garden and eating +the cookies were our part of the compact. + +When we went to stay with her for a week or two we carried with us a +book or so of the lurid sort, but returned home leaving them behind, +generally in the form of ashes. She found the book, of course, +beneath the pillow, and replaced it when she made the bed, but never +mentioned the matter to us. Then, in the afternoon, while we munched +cookies she would read to us from some book that made our own book +seem tame and unprofitable. She never completed the story, however, +but left the book on the table where we could find it easily. No +need to tell that we finished the story, without help, in the +evening, and the next day cremated the other book, having found +something more to our liking. One evening, as we sat together, she +said she wished she knew the name of Jephthah's daughter, and then +went on with her knitting as if she had forgotten her wish. At that +age we boys were not specially interested in daughters, no matter +whose they were; but that challenge to our curiosity was too much for +us, and before we went to bed we knew all that is known of that fine +girl. + +That was the beginning of our intimate, personal knowledge of Bible +characters--Ruth, Esther, David, and the rest; but grandmother made +us feel that we had known about them all along. I know, even yet, +just how tall Ruth was, and what was the color of her eyes and hair; +and Esther is the standard by which I measure all the queens of +earth, whether they wear crowns or not. + +One day when we went over to play with Tom we saw a peacock for the +first time, and at supper became enthusiastic over the discovery. In +the midst of our rhapsodizing grandmother asked us if we knew how +those beautiful spots came to be in the feathers of the peacock. We +confessed our ignorance, and like Ajax, prayed for light. But we +soon became aware that our prayer would not be answered until after +the supper dishes had been washed. Our alacrity in proffering our +services is conclusive evidence that grandmother knew about +motivation whether she knew the word or not. We suggested the +omission of the skillets and pans for that night only, but the +suggestion fell upon barren soil, and the regular order of business +was strictly observed. + +Then came the story, and the narrator made the characters seem +lifelike to us as they passed in review. There were Jupiter and +Juno; there were Argus with his hundred eyes, the beautiful heifer +that was Io, and the crafty Mercury. In rapt attention we listened +until those eyes of Argus were transferred to the feathers of the +peacock. If Mercury's story of his musical pipe closed the eyes of +Argus, grandmother's story opened ours wide, and we clamored for +another, as boys will do. Nor did we ask in vain, and we were soon +learning of the Flying Mercury, and how light and airy Mercury was, +seeing that an infant's breath could support him. After telling of +the wild ride of Phaeton and his overthrow, she quoted from John G. +Saxe: + + "Don't set it down in your table of forces + That any one man equals any four horses. + Don't swear by the Styx! + It is one of old Nick's + Diabolical tricks + To get people into a regular 'fix,' + And hold 'em there as fast as bricks!" + +Be it said to our credit that after such an evening dish-washing was +no longer a task, but rather a delightful prelude to another +mythological feast. We wandered with Ulysses and shuddered at +Polyphemus; we went in quest of the Golden Fleece, and watched the +sack of Troy; we came to know Orpheus and Eurydice and Pyramus and +Thisbe; and we sowed dragon's teeth and saw armed men spring up +before us. Since those glorious evenings with grandmother the +classic myths have been among my keenest delights. I read again and +again Lowell's extravaganza upon the story of Daphne, and can hear +grandmother's laugh over his delicious puns. I can hear her voice as +she reads Shelley's musical Arethusa, and then turns to his Skylark +to compare their musical qualities. I feel downright sorry for the +boy who has no such grandmother to teach him these poems, but not +more sorry than I do for those boys who took that Diamond Dick book +with them when they went visiting. Even now, when people talk to me +of omniscience I always think of grandmother. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIV + +MY WORLD + + "The world is too much with us; late and soon, + Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers; + Little we see in nature that is ours; + We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon! + This sea that bares her bosom to the moon, + The winds that will be howling at all hours + And are up-gather'd now like sleeping flowers, + For this, for everything, we are out of tune; + It moves us not. Great God! I'd rather be + A pagan suckled in a creed out-worn-- + So might I, standing on this pleasant lea, + Have glimpses that would make me less forlorn; + Have sight of Proteus rising from the sea; + And hear old Triton blow his wreathed horn." + + --_Wordsworth_. + + +I have heard many times that this is one of the best of Wordsworth's +many sonnets, and in the matter of sonnets, I find myself compelled +to depend upon others for my opinions. I'm sorry that such is the +case, for I'd rather not deal in second-hand judgments if I could +help it. About the most this sonnet can do for me is to make me +wonder what my world is. I suppose that the size of my world is the +measure of myself, and that in my schoolmastering I am simply trying +to enlarge the world of my pupils. I saw a gang-plough the other day +that is drawn by a motor, and that set me to thinking of ploughs in +general and their evolution; and, by tracing the plough backward, I +saw that the original one must have been the forefinger of some +cave-dweller. + +When his forefinger got sore, he got a forked stick and used that +instead; then he got a larger one and used both hands; then a still +larger one, and used oxen as the motive power; and then he fitted +handles to it, and other parts till he finally produced a plough. +But the principle has not been changed, and the gang-plough is but a +multifold forefinger. It is great fun to loose the tether of the +mind and let it go racing along, in and out, till it runs to earth +the original plough. Whether the solution is the correct one makes +but little difference. If friend Brown cannot disprove my theory, I +am on safe ground, and have my fun whether he accepts or rejects my +findings. + +This is one way of enlarging one's world, I take it, and if this sort +of thing is a part of the process of education, I am in favor of it, +and wish I knew how to set my boys and girls going on such +excursions. I wish I might have gone to school to Agassiz just to +get my eyes opened. If I had, I'd probably assign to my pupils such +subjects as the evolution of a snowflake, the travels of a sunbeam, +the mechanism of a bird's wing, the history of a dewdrop, the changes +in a blade of grass, and the evolution of a grain of sand. If I +could only take them away from books for a month or so, they'd +probably be able to read the books to better advantage when they came +back. I'd like to take them on a walking trip over the Alps and +through rural England and Scotland for a few weeks. + +If they could only gather broom, heather, shamrock, and edelweiss, +they would be able to see clover, alfalfa, arbutus, and mignonette +when they came back home. If they could see black robins in Wales +and Germany, the robin redbreast here at home would surely be thought +worthy of notice. If they could see stalactites and stalagmites in +Luray Cave, their world would then include these formations. One of +my boys was a member of an exploring expedition in the Andes, and one +night they were encamped near a glacier. This glacier protruded into +a lake, and on that particular night the end of that river of ice +broke off and thus formed an iceberg. The glacier was nearly a mile +wide, and when the end broke off the sound was such as to make the +loudest thunder seem a whisper by comparison. It was a rare +experience for this young fellow to be around where icebergs are +made, and vicariously I shared his experience. + +I want to know the price of eggs, bacon, and coffee, but I need not +go into camp on the price-list. Having purchased my bacon and eggs, +I like to move along to where my friend is sitting, and hear him tell +of his experiences with glaciers and icebergs, and so become +inoculated with the world-enlarging virus. Or, if he comes in to +share my bacon and eggs, these mundane delights lose none of their +flavor by being garnished with conversation on Andean themes. I'm +glad to have my friend push that greatest of monuments, "The Christ +of the Andes," over into my world. I arise from the table feeling +that I have had full value for the money I expended for eggs and +bacon. + +I'd like to have in my world a liberal sprinkling of stars, for when +I am looking at stars I get away from sordid things, for a time, and +get my soul renovated. I think St. Paul must have been associating +with starry space just before he wrote the last two verses of that +eighth chapter of Romans. I can't see how he could have written such +mighty thoughts if he had been dwelling upon clothes or symptoms. +The reading of a patent-medicine circular is not specially conducive +to thoughts of infinity. So I like, in my meditations, to take trips +from star to star, and from planet to planet. I like to wonder +whether these planets were rightly named--whether Venus is as +beautiful as the name implies, and whether the Martians are really +disciples of the warlike Mars. I like to drift along upon the canals +on the planet Mars, with heroic Martians plying the oars. I have +great fun on such spatial excursions, and am glad that I ever annexed +these planets to my world. I can take these stellar companions with +me to my potato-patch, and they help the day along. + +I want pictures in my world, too, and statues; for they show me the +hearts of the artists, and that is a sort of baptism. Sometimes I +grow a bit impatient to see how slowly some work of mine proceeds. +Then I think of Ghiberti, who worked for forty-two years on the +bronze doors of the Baptistry there in Florence, which Michael Angelo +declared to be worthy of paradise. Then I reflect that it was worth +a lifetime of work to win the praise of such as Angelo. This +reflection calms me, and I plod on more serenely, glad of the fact +that I can count Ghiberti and the bronze doors as a part of my world. +When I can have Titian, Rembrandt, Leonardo da Vinci, Andrea del +Sarto, Raphael, and Rosa Bonheur around, I feel that I have good +company and must be on my good behavior. If Corot, Reynolds, +Leighton, Watts, and Landseer should be banished from my world I'd +feel that I had suffered a great loss. I like to hobnob with such +folks as these, both for my own pleasure and also for the reputation +I gain through such associations. + +I must have people in my world, also, or it wouldn't be much of a +world. And I must be careful in my selection of people, if I am to +achieve any distinction as a world builder. I just can't leave +Cordelia out, for she helps to make my world luminous. But she must +have companions; so I shall select Antigone, Evangeline, Miranda, +Mary, and Martha if she can spare the time. Among the male +contingent I shall want Job, Erasmus, Petrarch, Dante, Goethe, +Shakespeare, Milton, and Burns. I want men and women in whose +presence I must stand uncovered to preserve my self-respect. I want +big people, wise people, and dynamic people in my world, people who +will teach me how to work and how to live. + +If I can get my world made and peopled to my liking, I shall refute +Mr. Wordsworth's statement that the world is too much with us. If I +can have the right sort of folks about me, they will see to it that I +do not waste my powers, for I shall be compelled to use my powers in +order to avert expulsion from their good company. If I get my world +built to suit me, I shall have no occasion to imitate the poet's +plaint. I suspect there is no better fun in life than in building a +world of one's own. + + + + +CHAPTER XXV + +THIS OR THAT + +One day in London a friend told me that on the market in that city +they have eggs of five grades--new-laid eggs, fresh eggs, imported +fresh eggs, good eggs, and eggs. A few days later we were in the +Tate Gallery looking at the Turner collection when he told me a story +of Turner. It seems that a friend of the artist was in his studio +watching him at his work, when suddenly this friend said: "Really, +Mr. Turner, I can't see in nature the colors that you portray on +canvas." The artist looked at him steadily for a moment, and then +replied: "Don't you wish you could?" Life, even at its best, +certainly is a maze. I find myself in the labyrinth, all the while +groping about, but quite unable to find the exit. Theseus was most +fortunate in having an Ariadne to furnish him with the thread to +guide him. But there seems to be no second Ariadne for me, and I +must continue to grope with no thread to guide. There in the Tate +Gallery I was standing enthralled before pictures by Watts and +Leighton, and paying small heed to the Turners, when the story of my +friend held a mirror before me, and as I looked I asked myself the +question: "Don't you wish you could?" + +Those Barbizon chaps, artists that they were, used to laugh at Corot +and tell him he was parodying nature, but he went right on painting +the foliage of his trees silver-gray until, finally, the other +artists discovered that he was the only one who was telling the truth +on canvas. Every one of my dilemmas seems to have at least a dozen +horns, and I stand helpless before them, fearful that I may lay hold +of the wrong one. I was reading in a book the other day the +statement of a man who says he'd rather have been Louis Agassiz than +the richest man in America. In another little book, "The Kingdom of +Light," the author, who is a lawyer, says that Concord, +Massachusetts, has influenced America to a greater degree than New +York and Chicago combined. I think I'll blot out the superlative +degree in my grammar, for the comparative gives me all the trouble I +can stand. + +Everything seems to be better or worse than something else, and there +doesn't seem to be any best or worst. So I'll dispense with the +superlative degree. Whether I buy new-laid eggs, or just eggs, I +can't be certain that I have the best or the worst eggs that can be +found. If I go over to Paris I may find other grades of eggs. Our +Sunday-school teacher wanted a generous contribution of money one +day, and, by way of causing purse-strings to relax, told of a boy who +was putting aside choice bits of meat as he ate his dinner. Upon +being asked by his father why he was doing so, he replied that he was +saving the bits for Rover. He was reminded that Rover could do with +scraps and bones, and that he himself should eat the bits he had put +aside. When he went out to Rover with the plate of leavings, he +patted him affectionately and said: + +"Poor doggie! I was going to bring you an offering to-day; but I +guess you'll have to put up with a collection." + +I like Robert Burns and think his "To Mary in Heaven" is his finest +poem. But the critics seem to prefer his "Highland Mary." So I +suppose these critics will look at me, with something akin to pity in +the look, and say: "Don't you wish you could?" Years ago some one +planted trees about my house for shade, and selected poplar. Now the +roots of these trees invade the cellar and the cistern, and prove +themselves altogether a nuisance. Of course, I can cut out the +trees, but then I should have no shade. That man, whoever he was, +might just as well have planted elms or maples, but, by some sort of +perversity or ignorance, planted poplars, and here am I, years +afterward, in a state of perturbation about the safety of cellar and +cistern on account of those pesky roots. I do wish that man had +taken a course in arboriculture before he planted those trees. It +might have saved me a deal of bother, and been no worse for him. + +Back home, after we had passed through the autograph-album stage of +development, we became interested in another sort of literary +composition. It was a book in which we recorded the names of our +favorite book, author, poem, statesman, flower, name, place, musical +instrument, and so on throughout an entire page. That experience was +really valuable and caused us to do some thinking. It would be well, +I think, to use such a book as that in the examination of teachers +and pupils. I wish I might come upon one of the books now in which I +set down the record of my favorites. It would afford me some +interesting if not valuable information. + +If I were called upon to name my favorite flower now I'd scarcely +know what to say. In one mood I'd certainly say lily-of-the-valley, +but in another mood I might say the rose. I do wonder if, in those +books back yonder, I ever said sunflower, dandelion, dahlia, fuchsia, +or daisy. If I should find that I said heliotrope, I'd give my +adolescence a pretty high grade. If I were using one of these books +in my school, and some boy should name the sunflower as his favorite, +I'd find myself facing a big problem to get him converted to the +lily-of-the-valley, and I really do not know quite how I should +proceed. It might not help him much for me to ask him: "Don't you +wish you could?" If I should let him know that my favorite is the +lily-of-the-valley, he might name that flower as the line of least +resistance to my approval and a high grade, with the mental +reservation that the sunflower is the most beautiful plant that +grows. Such a course might gratify me, but it certainly would not +make for his progress toward the lily-of-the-valley, nor yet for the +salvation of his soul. + +I have a boy of my own, but have never had the courage to ask him +what kind of father he thinks he has. He might tell me. Again I am +facing a dilemma. Dilemmas are quite plentiful hereabouts. I must +determine whether to regard him as an asset or a liability. But, +that is not the worst of my troubles. I plainly see that sooner or +later he is going to decide whether his father is an asset or a +liability. We must go over our books some day so as to find out +which of us is in debt to the other. I know that I owe him his +chance, but parents often seem backward about paying their debts to +their children, and I'm wondering whether I shall be able to cancel +that debt, to his present and ultimate satisfaction. I'd be +decidedly uncomfortable, years hence, to find him but "the runt of +something good" because I had failed to pay that debt. When I was a +lad they used to say that I was stubborn, but that may have been my +unsophisticated way of trying to collect a debt. I take some +comfort, in these later days, in knowing that the folks at home +credit me with the virtue of perseverance, and I wish they had used +the milder word when I was a boy. + +There is a picture show just around the corner, and I'm in a +quandary, right now, whether to follow the crowd to that show or sit +here and read Ruskin's "Sesame and Lilies." If I go to see the +picture film I'll probably see an exhibition of cowboy equestrian +dexterity, with a "happy ever after" finale, and may also acquire the +reputation among the neighbors of being up to date. But, if I spend +the evening with Ruskin, I shall have something worth thinking over +as I go about my work to-morrow. So here is another dilemma, and +there is no one to decide the matter for me. This being a free moral +agent is not the fun that some folks try to make it appear. I don't +really see how I shall ever get on unless I subscribe to Sam Walter +Foss's lines: + + "No other song has vital breath + Through endless time to fight with death, + Than that the singer sings apart + To please his solitary heart." + + + + +CHAPTER XXVI + +RABBIT PEDAGOGY + +As I think back over my past life as a schoolmaster I keep wondering +how many inebriates I have produced in my career. I'd be glad to +think that I have not a single one to my discredit, but that seems +beyond the wildest hope, considering the character of my teaching. I +am a firm believer in temperance in all things; but, in the matter of +pedagogy, my practice cannot be made to square with my theory. In +fact, I find, upon reflection, that I have been teaching intemperance +all the while. I'm glad the officers of my church do not know of my +pedagogical practice. If they did, they would certainly take action +against me, and in that case I cannot see what adequate defense I +could offer. Being a schoolmaster, I could scarcely bring myself to +plead ignorance, for such a plea as that might abrogate my license. +So I shall just keep quiet and look as nearly wise as possible. It +is embarrassing to me to reflect how long it has taken me to see the +error of my practice. If I had asked one of my boys he could have +told me of the better way. + +When we got the new desks in our school, back home, our teacher +seemed very anxious to have them kept in their virgin state, and +became quite animated as he walked up and down the aisle fulminating +against the possible offender. In the course of his sulphury remarks +he threatened condign punishment upon the base miscreant who should +dare use his penknife on one of those desks. His address was equal +to a course in "Paradise Lost," nor was it without its effect upon +the audience. Every boy in the room felt in his pocket to make sure +that it contained his knife, and every one began to wonder just where +he would find the whetstone when he went home. We were all eager for +school to close for the day that we might set about the important +matter of whetting our knives. Henceforth wood-carving was a part of +the regular order in our school, but it was done without special +supervision. Of course, each boy could prove an alibi when his own +desk was under investigation. It would not be seemly, in this +connection, to give a verbatim report of the conversations of us boys +when we assembled at our rendezvous after school. Suffice it to say +that the teacher's ears must have burned. The consensus of opinion +was that, if the teacher didn't want the desks carved, he should not +have told us to carve them. We seemed to think that he had said, in +substance, that he knew we were a gang of young rascallions, and +that, if he didn't intimidate us, we'd surely be guilty of some form +of vandalism. Then he proceeded to point out the way by suggesting +penknives; and the trick was done. We were ever open to suggestions. + +We had another teacher whose pet aversion was match heads. Cicero +and Demosthenes would have apologized to him could they have come in +when he was delivering one of his eloquent orations upon this +engaging theme. His vituperative vocabulary seemed unlimited, +inexhaustible, and cumulative. He raved, and ranted, and exuded +epithets with the most lavish prodigality. It seemed to us that he +didn't care much what he said, if he could only say it rapidly and +forcibly. In the very midst of an eloquent period another match head +would explode under his foot, and that seemed to answer the purpose +of an encore. The class in arithmetic did not recite that afternoon. +There was no time for arithmetic when match heads were to the fore. +I sometimes feel a bit guilty that I was admitted to such a good show +on a free pass. The next day, of course, the Gatling guns resumed +their activity; the girls screeched as they walked toward the +water-pail to get a drink; we boys studied our geography lesson with +faces garbed in a look of innocence and wonder; our mothers at home +were wondering what had become of all the matches; and the +teacher--but the less said of him the better. + +We boys needed only the merest suggestion to set us in motion, and +like Dame Rumor in the Aeneid, we gathered strength by the going. +One day the teacher became somewhat facetious and recounted a +red-pepper episode in the school of his boyhood. That was enough for +us; and the next day, in our school, was a day long to be remembered. +I recall in the school reader the story of "Meddlesome Matty." Her +name was really Matilda. One day her curiosity got the better of +her, and she removed the lid from her grandmother's snuff-box. The +story goes on to say: + + "Poor eyes, and nose, and mouth, and chin + A dismal sight presented; + And as the snuff got further in + Sincerely she repented." + +Barring the element of repentance, the red pepper was equally +provocative of results in our school. + +I certainly cannot lay claim to any great degree of docility, for, in +spite of all the experiences of my boyhood, I fell into the evil ways +of my teachers when I began my schoolmastering, and suggested to my +pupils numberless short cuts to wrong-doing. I railed against +intoxicants, and thus made them curious. That's why I am led to +wonder if I have incited any of my boys to strong drink as my +teachers incited me to desk-carving, match heads, and red pepper. + +I have come to think that a rabbit excels me in the matter of +pedagogy. The tar-baby story that Joel Chandler Harris has given us +abundantly proves my statement. The rabbit had so often outwitted +the fox that, in desperation, the latter fixed up a tar-baby and set +it up in the road for the benefit of the rabbit. In his efforts to +discipline the tar-baby for impoliteness, the rabbit became enmeshed +in the tar, to his great discomfort and chagrin. However, Brer +Rabbit's knowledge of pedagogy shines forth in the following dialogue: + + +W'en Brer Fox fine Brer Rabbit mixt up wid de Tar-Baby he feel mighty +good, en he roll on de groun' en laff. Bimeby he up'n say, sezee: + +"Well, I speck I got you dis time, Brer Rabbit," sezee. "Maybe I +ain't, but I speck I is. You been runnin' roun' here sassin' atter +me a mighty long time, but I speck you done come ter de een' er de +row. You bin cuttin' up yo' capers en bouncin' 'roun' in dis +neighborhood ontwel you come ter b'leeve yo'se'f de boss er de whole +gang. En den youer allers some'rs whar you got no bizness," sez Brer +Fox, sezee. "Who ax you fer ter come en strike up a'quaintance wid +dish yer Tar-Baby? En who stuck you up dar whar you is? Nobody in +de roun' worril. You des tuck en jam yo'se'f on dat Tar-Baby widout +watin' fer enny invite," sez Brer Fox, sezee, "en dar you is, en dar +you'll stay twel I fixes up a bresh-pile and fires her up, kaze I'm +gwineter bobby-cue you dis day, sho," sez Brer Fox, sezee. + +Den Brer Rabbit talk mighty 'umble. + +"I don't keer w'at you do wid me, Brer Fox," sezee, "so you don't +fling me in dat brier-patch. Roas' me, Brer Fox," sezee, "but don't +fling me in dat brier-patch," sezee. + +"Hit's so much trouble fer ter kindle a fier," sez Brer Fox, sezee, +"dat I speck I'll hatter hang you," sezee. + +"Hang me des ez high as you please, Brer Fox," sez Brer Rabbit, +sezee, "but do fer de Lord's sake don't fling me in dat brier-patch," +sezee. + +"I ain't got no string," sez Brer Fos, sezee, "en now I speck I'll +hatter drown you," sezee. + +"Drown me des ez deep ez you please, Brer Fox," sez Brer Rabbit, +sezee, "but do don't fling me in dat brier-patch," sezee. + +"Dey ain't no water nigh," sez Brer Fox, sezee, "en now I speck I'll +hatter skin you," sezee. + +"Skin me, Brer Fox," sez Brer Rabbit, sezee, "snatch out my eyeballs, +t'ar out my years by de roots, en cut off my legs," sezee, "but do +please, Brer Fox, don't fling me in dat brier-patch," sezee. + +Co'se Brer Fox wanter hurt Brer Rabbit bad ez he kin, so he cotch 'im +by de behime legs en slung 'im right in de middle er de brier-patch. +Dar wuz a considerbul flutter whar Brer Rabbit struck de bushes, en +Brer Fox sorter hang 'roun' fer ter see w'at wuz gwineter happen. +Bimeby he hear somebody call 'im, en way up de hill he see Brer +Rabbit settin' cross-legged on a chinkapin log koamin' de pitch outen +his har wid a chip. Den Brer Fox know dat he bin swop off mighty +bad. Brer Rabbit was bleedzed fer ter fling back some er his sass, +en he holler out: + +"Bred en bawn in a brier-patch, Brer Fox--bred en bawn in a +brier-patch!" en wid dat he skip out des ez lively ez a cricket in de +embers. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVII + +PERSPECTIVE + +I wish I could ever get the question of majors and minors settled to +my complete satisfaction. I thought my college course would settle +the matter for all time, but it didn't. I suspect that those erudite +professors thought they were getting me fitted out with enduring +habits of majors and minors, but they seem to have made no allowance +for changes of styles nor for growth. When I received my diploma +they seemed to think I was finished, and would stay just as they had +fixed me. They used to talk no little about finished products, and, +on commencement day, appeared to look upon me as one of them. On the +whole, I'm glad that I didn't fulfil their apparent expectations. I +have never been able to make out whether their attentions, on +commencement day, were manifestations of pride or relief. I can see +now that I must have been a sore trial to them. In my callow days, +when they occupied pedestals, I bent the knee to them by way of +propitiating them, but I got bravely over that. At first, what they +taught and what they represented were my majors, but when I came to +shift and reconstruct values, some of them climbed down off their +pedestals, and my knee lost some of its flexibility. + +We had one little professor who afforded us no end of amusement by +his taking himself so seriously. The boys used to say that he wrote +letters and sent flowers to himself. He would strut about the campus +as proudly as a pouter-pigeon, never realizing, apparently, that we +were laughing at him. At first, he impressed us greatly with his +grand air and his clothes, but after we discovered that, in his case +at least, clothes do not make the man, we refused to be impressed. +He could split hairs with infinite precision, and smoke a cigarette +in the most approved style, but I never heard any of the boys express +a wish to become that sort of man. Had there occurred a meeting, on +the campus, between him and Zeus he would have been offended, I am +sure, if Zeus had failed to set off a few thunderbolts in his honor. +We used to have at home a bantam rooster that could create no end of +flutter in the chicken yard, and could crow mightily; but when I +reflected that he could neither lay eggs nor occupy much space in a +frying-pan, I demoted him, in my thinking, from major rank to a low +minor, and awarded the palm to one of the less bumptious but more +useful fowls. Our little professor had degrees, of course, and has +them yet, I suspect; but no one ever discovered that he put them to +any good use. For that reason we boys lost interest in the man as +well as his garnishments. + +Our professor of chemistry was different. He was never on +dress-parade; he did not pose; he was no snob. We loved him because +he was so genuine. He had degrees, too, but they were so obscured by +the man that we forgot them in our contemplation of him. We knew +that they do not make degrees big enough for him. I often wonder +what degrees the colleges would want to confer upon William +Shakespeare if he could come back. Then, too, I often think what a +wonderful letter Abraham Lincoln could and might have written to Mrs. +Bixby, if he had only had a degree. Agassiz may have had degrees, +but he didn't really need them. Like Browning, he was big enough, +even lacking degrees, to be known without the identification of his +other names. If people need degrees they ought to have them, +especially if they can live up to them. Possibly the time may come +when degrees will be given for things done, rather than for things +hoped for; given for at least one stage of the journey accomplished +rather than for merely packing a travelling-bag. If this time ever +comes Thomas A. Edison will bankrupt the alphabet. + +In this coil of degrees and the absence of them, I become more and +more confused as to majors and minors. There in college were those +two professors both wearing degrees of the same size. Judged by that +criterion they should have been of equal size and influence. But +they weren't. In the one case you couldn't see the man for the +degree; in the other you couldn't see the degree for the man. Small +wonder that I find myself in such a hopeless muddle. I once thought, +in my innocence, that there was a sort of metric scale in +degrees--that an A.M. was ten times the size of an A.B.; that a Ph.D. +was equal to ten A.M.'s; and that the LL.D. degree could be had only +on the top of Mt. Olympus. But here I am, stumbling about among +folks, and can't tell a Ph.D. from an A.B. I do wish all these +degree chaps would wear tags so that we wayfaring folks could tell +them apart. It would simplify matters if the railway people would +arrange compartments on their trains for these various degrees. The +Ph.D. crowd would certainly feel more comfortable if they could herd +together, so that they need not demean themselves by associating with +mere A.M.'s or the more lowly A.B.'s. We might hope, too, that by +way of diversion they would put their heads together and compound +some prescription by the use of which the world might avert war, +reduce the high cost of living, banish a woman's tears, or save a +soul from perdition. + +Be it said to my shame, that I do not know what even an A.B. means, +much less the other degree hieroglyphics. Sometimes I receive a +letter having the writer's name printed at the top with an A.B. +annex; but I do not know what the writer is trying to say to me by +means of the printing. He probably wants me to know that he is a +graduate of some sort, but he fails to make it clear to me whether +his degree was conferred by a high school, a normal school, a +college, or a university. I know of one high school that confers +this degree, as well as many normal schools and colleges. There are +still other institutions where this same degree may be had, that +freely admit that they are colleges, whether they can prove it or +not. I'll be glad to send a stamped envelope for reply, if some one +will only be good enough to tell me what A.B. does really mean. + +I do hope that the earth may never be scourged with celibacy, but the +ever-increasing variety of bachelors, male and female, creates in me +a feeling of apprehension. Nor can I make out whether a bachelor of +arts is bigger and better than bachelors of science and pedagogy. +The arts folks claim that they are, and proceed to prove it by one +another. I often wonder what a bachelor of arts can do that the +other bachelors cannot do, or _vice versa_. They should all be +required to submit a list of their accomplishments, so that, when any +of the rest of us want a bit of work done, we may be able to select +wisely from among these differentiated bachelors. If we want a +bridge built, a beefsteak broiled, a mountain tunnelled, a loaf of +bread baked, a railroad constructed, a hat trimmed, or a book +written, we ought to know which class of bachelors will serve our +purpose best. Some one asked me just a few days ago to cite him to +some man or woman who can write a prize-winning short story, but I +couldn't decide whether to refer him to the bachelors of arts or the +bachelors of pedagogy. I might have turned to the Litt.D.'s, but I +didn't suppose they would care to bother with a little thing like +that. + +In college I studied Greek and, in fact, won a gold medal for my +agility in ramping through Mr. Xenophon's parasangs. That medal is +lost, so far as I know, and no one now has the remotest suspicion +that I ever even halted along through those parasangs, not to mention +ramping, or that I ever made the acquaintance of ox-eyed Juno. But I +need no medal to remind roe of those experiences in the Greek class. +Every bluebird I see does that for me. The good old doctor, one +morning in early spring, rhapsodized for five minutes on the singing +of a bluebird he had heard on his way to class, telling how the +little fellow was pouring forth a melody that made the world and all +life seem more beautiful and blessed. We loved him for that, because +it proved that he was a big-souled human being; and pupils like to +discover human qualities in their teachers. The little professor may +have heard the bluebird's singing, too; but if he did, he probably +thought it was serenading him. If colleges of education and normal +schools would select teachers who can delight in the song of a +bluebird their academic attainments would be ennobled and glorified, +and their students might come to love instead of fearing them. Only +a man or a woman with a big soul can socialize and vitalize the work +of the schools. The mere academician can never do it. + +The more I think of all these degree decorations in my efforts to +determine what is major in life and what is minor, the more I think +of George. He was an earnest schoolmaster, and was happiest when his +boys and girls were around him, busy at their tasks. One year there +were fourteen boys in his school, fifteen including himself, for he +was one of them. The school day was not long enough, so they met in +groups in the evening, at the various homes, and continued the work +of the day. These boys absorbed his time, his strength, and his +heart. Their success in their work was his greatest joy. Of those +fourteen boys one is no more. Of the other thirteen one is a state +official of high rank, five are attorneys, two are ministers of the +Gospel, two are bankers, one is a successful business man, and two +are engineers of prominence. George is the ideal of those men. They +all say he gave them their start in the right direction, and always +speak his name with reverence. George has these thirteen stars in +his crown that I know of. He had no degrees, but I am thinking that +some time he will hear the plaudit: "Well done, good and faithful +servant." + + + + +CHAPTER XXVIII + +PURELY PEDAGOGICAL + +It was a dark, cold, rainy night in November. The wind whistled +about the house, the rain beat a tattoo against the window-panes and +flooded the sills. The big base-burner, filled with anthracite coal, +was illuminating the room through its mica windows, on all sides, and +dispensing a warmth that smiled at the storm and cold outside. There +was a book in the picture, also; and a pair of slippers; and a +smoking-jacket; and an armchair. From the ceiling was suspended a +great lamp that joined gloriously in the chorus of light and cheer. +The man who sat in the armchair, reading the book, was a +schoolmaster--a college professor to be exact. Soft music floated up +from below stairs as a soothing accompaniment to his reading. +Subconsciously, as he turned the pages, he felt a pity for the poor +fellows on top of freight-trains who must endure the pitiless +buffeting of the storm. He could see them bracing themselves against +the blasts that tried to wrest them from their moorings. He felt a +pity for the belated traveller who tries, well-nigh in vain, to urge +his horses against the driving rain onward toward food and shelter. +But the leaves of the book continued to turn at intervals; for the +story was an engaging one, and the schoolmaster was ever responsive +to well-told stories. + +It was nine o'clock or after, and the fury of the storm was +increasing. As if responding to the challenge outside, he opened the +draft of the stove and then settled back, thinking he would be able +to complete the story before retiring. In the midst of one of the +many compelling passages he heard a bell toll, or imagined he did. +Brought to check by this startling sensation, he looked back over the +page to discover a possible explanation. Finding none, he smiled at +his own fancy, and then proceeded with his reading. But, again, the +bell tolled, and he wondered whether anything he had eaten at dinner +could be held responsible for the hallucination. Scarcely had he +resumed his reading when the bell again tolled. He could stand it no +longer, and must come upon the solution of the mystery. Bells do not +toll at nine o'clock, and the weirdness of the affair disconcerted +him. The nearer he drew to the foot of the stair, in his quest for +information, the more foolish he felt his question would seem to the +members of the family. But the question had scarce been asked when +the boy of the house burst forth: "Yes, been tolling for half an +hour." Meekly he asked: "Why are they tolling the bell?" "Child +lost." "Whose child?" "Little girl belonging to the Norwegians who +live in the shack down there by the woods." + +So, that was it! Well, it was some satisfaction to have the matter +cleared up, and now he could go back to his book. He had noticed the +shack in question, which was made of slabs set upright, with a +precarious roof of tarred paper; and had heard, vaguely, that a gang +of Norwegians were there to make a road through the woods to +Minnehaha Falls. Beyond these bare facts he had never thought to +inquire. These people and their doings were outside of his world. +Besides, the book and the cheery room were awaiting his return. But +the reading did not get on well. The tolling bell broke in upon it +and brought before his mind the picture of a little girl wandering +about in the storm and crying for her mother. He tried to argue with +himself that these Norwegians did not belong in his class, and that +they ought to look after their own children. He was under no +obligations to them--in fact, did not even know them. They had no +right, therefore, to break in upon the serenity of his evening. + +But the bell tolled on. If he could have wrenched the clapper from +out that bell, the page of his book might not have blurred before his +eyes. As the wind moaned about the house he thought he heard a child +crying, and started to his feet. It was inconceivable, he argued, +that he, a grown man, should permit such incidental matters in life +to so disturb his composure. There were scores, perhaps hundreds, of +children lost somewhere in the world, for whom regiments of people +were searching, and bells were tolling, too. So why not be +philosophical and read the book? But the words would not keep their +places, and the page yielded forth no coherent thought. He could +endure the tension no longer. He became a whirlwind--slamming the +book upon the table, kicking off the slippers, throwing the +smoking-jacket at random, and rushing to the closet for his gear. At +ten o'clock he was ready--hip-boots, slouch-hat, rubber coat, and +lantern, and went forth into the storm. + +Arriving at the scene, he took his place in the searching party of +about twenty men. They were to search the woods, first of all, each +man to be responsible for a space about two or three rods wide and +extending to the road a half-mile distant. Lantern in hand, he +scrutinized each stone and stump, hoping and fearing that it might +prove to be the little one. In the darkness he stumbled over logs +and vines, became entangled in briers and brambles, and often was +deluged with water from trees as he came in contact with overhanging +boughs. But his blood was up, for he was seeking a lost baby. When +he fell full-length in the swale, he got to his feet the best he +could and went on. Book and room were forgotten in the glow of a +larger purpose. So for two hours he splashed and struggled, but had +never a thought of abandoning the quest until the child should be +found. + +At twelve o'clock they had reached the road and were about to begin +the search in another section of the wood when the church-bell rang. +This was the signal that they should return to the starting-point to +hear any tidings that might have come in the meantime. Scarcely had +they heard that a message had come from police headquarters in the +city, and that information could be had there concerning a lost child +when the schoolmaster called out: "Come on, Craig!" And away went +these two toward the barn to arouse old "Blackie" out of her slumber +and hitch her to a buggy. Little did that old nag ever dream, even +in her palmiest days, that she could show such speed as she developed +in that four-mile drive. The schoolmaster was too much wrought up to +sit supinely by and see another do the driving; so he did it himself. +And he drove as to the manner born. + +The information they obtained at the police station was meagre +enough, but it furnished them a clew. A little girl had been found +wandering about, and could be located on a certain street at such a +number. The name of the family was not known. With this slender +clew they began their search for the street and house. The map of +streets which they had hastily sketched seemed hopelessly inadequate +to guide them in and out of by-streets and around zigzag corners. +They had adventures a plenty in pounding upon doors of wrong houses +and thus arousing the fury of sleepy men and sleepless dogs. One of +the latter tore away a quarter-section of the schoolmaster's rubber +coat, and became so interested in this that the owner escaped with no +further damage. After an hour filled with such experiences they +finally came to the right house. Joy flooded their hearts as the man +inside called out: "Yes, wait a minute." Once inside, questions and +answers flew back and forth like a shuttle. Yes, a little +girl--about five years old--light hair--braided and hanging down her +back--check apron. "She's the one--and we want to take her home." +Then the lady appeared, and said it was too bad to take the little +one out into such a night. But the schoolmaster bore her argument +down with the word-picture of the little one's mother pacing back and +forth in front of the shack, her hair hanging in strings, her +clothing drenched with rain and clinging to her body, her eyes +upturned, and her face expressing the most poignant agony. When they +left she had thus been pacing to and fro for seven hours and was, no +doubt, doing so yet. The mother-heart of the woman could not +withstand such an appeal, and soon she was busy in the difficult task +of trying to get the little arms into the sleeves of dress and apron. +Meanwhile, the two bedraggled men were on their knees striving with +that acme of awkwardness of which only men are capable, to ensconce +the little feet in stockings and shoes. The dressing of that child +was worthy the brush of Raphael or the smile of angels. At three +o'clock in the morning the schoolmaster stepped from the buggy and +placed the sleeping baby in the mother's arms, and only the heavenly +Father knows the language she spoke as she crooned over her little +one. As the schoolmaster wended his way homeward, cold, hungry, and +worn he was buoyant in spirit to the point of ecstasy. But he was +chastened, for he had stood upon the Mount of Transfiguration and +knew as never before that the mission of the schoolmaster is to find +and restore the lost child. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIX + +LONGEVITY + +I'm quite in the notion of playing a practical joke on Atropos, and, +perhaps, on Methuselah, while I'm about it. I'm not partial to +Atropos at the best. She's such a reckless, uppish, heedless sort of +tyrant. She rushes into huts, palaces, and even into the grand +stand, and lays about her with her scissors, snipping off threads +with the utmost abandon. She wields her shears without any sort of +apology or by your leave. Not even a check-book can stay her +ravages. Her devastation knows neither ruth nor gentleness. I don't +like her, and have no compunction about playing a joke at her +expense. I don't imagine it will daunt her, in the least, but I can +have my fun, at any rate. + +It is now just seven o'clock in the evening, and I shall not retire +before ten o'clock at the earliest. So here are three good hours for +me to dispose of; and I am the sole arbiter in the matter of +disposing of them. My neighbor John has a cow, and he is applying +the efficiency test to her. He charges her with every pound of corn, +bran, fodder, and hay that she eats, and doctor's bills, too, I +suppose, if there are any. Then he credits her with all the milk she +furnishes. There is quite a book-account in her name, and John has a +good time figuring out whether, judged by net results, she is a +consumer or a producer. If I can resurrect sufficient mathematical +lore, I think I shall try to apply this efficiency test to my three +hours just to see if I can prove that hours are as important as cows. +I ought to be able, somehow, to determine whether these hours are +consumers or producers. + +I read a book the other evening whose title is "Stories of Thrift for +Young Americans," and it made me feel that I ought to apply the +efficiency test to myself, and repeat the process every waking hour +of the day. But, in order to do this, I must apply the test to these +three hours. In my dreamy moods, I like to personify an Hour and +spell it with a capital. I like to think of an hour as the singular +of Houri which the Mohammedans call nymphs of paradise, because they +were, or are, beautiful-eyed. My Hour then becomes a goddess walking +through my life, and, as the poet says, _et vera incessu patuit dea_. +If I show her that I appreciate her she comes again just after the +clock strikes, in form even more winsome than before, and smiles upon +me as only a goddess can. Once, in a sullen mood, I looked upon her +as if she were a hag. When she returned she was a hag; and not till +after I had done full penance did she become my beautiful goddess +again. + +A young man who had been spending the evening in the home of a +neighbor complained that they did not play any games, and did nothing +but talk. I could not ask what games he meant, fearing that I might +smile in his face if he should say crokinole, tiddledy-winks, or +button-button. Later on I learned that much of the talking was done +that evening by a very cultivated man who has travelled widely and +intelligently, and has a most engaging manner in his fluent +discussions of art, literature, archaeology, architecture, places, +and peoples. I was sorry to miss such an evening, and think I could +forego tiddledywinks with a fair degree of amiability if, instead, I +could hear such a man talk. I have seen people yawn in an art +gallery. I fear to play tiddledywinks lest my hour may resume the +guise of a hag. But that makes me think of Atropos again, and the +joke I am planning to play on her. Still, I see that I shall not +soon get around to that joke if I persist in these dim generalities, +as a schoolmaster is so apt to do. + +Well, as I was saying, these three hours are at my disposal, and I +must decide what to do with them here and now. In deciding +concerning hours I must sit in the judgment-seat whether I like it or +not. Tomorrow evening I shall have other three hours to dispose of +the same as these, and the next evening three others, and my decision +to-night may be far-reaching. In six days I shall have eighteen such +hours, and in fifty weeks nine hundred. I suppose that a generous +estimate of a college year would be ten hours a day for one hundred +and eighty days, or eighteen hundred hours in all. I am quite aware +that some college boys will feel inclined to apply a liberal discount +to this estimate, but I am not considering those fellows who try to +do a month's work in the week of examination, and spend their +fathers' money for coaching. Now, if eighteen hundred hours +constitute a college year then my nine hundred hours are one-half a +college year, and it makes a deal of difference what I do with these +three hours. + +If I had only started this joke on Atropos earlier and had applied +these nine hundred hours on my college work, I could have graduated +in three years instead of four, and that surely would have been in +the line of efficiency. But in those days I was devoting more time +and attention to Clotho than to Atropos. I would fain have ignored +Lachesis altogether, but she made me painfully conscious of her +presence, especially during the finals when, it seemed to me, she was +unnecessarily diligent in her vocation. I could have dispensed with +much of her torsion with great equanimity. I suppose that now I am +trying to square accounts with her by playing this joke on her sister. + +So I have decided that I shall read a play of Shakespeare to-night, +another one to-morrow evening, and continue this until I have read +all that he wrote. In the fifty weeks of the year I can easily do +this and then reread some of them many times. I ought to be able to +commit to memory several of the plays, too, and that would be good +fun. If those chaps back yonder could recite the Koran word for word +I shall certainly be able to learn equally well some of these plays. +It would be worth while to recite "King Lear," "Macbeth," "Othello," +"Hamlet," "The Tempest," and "As You Like It," the last week of the +year just before I take my vacation of two weeks. If I can recite +even these six plays in those six evenings I shall feel that I did +well in deciding for Shakespeare instead of tiddledywinks. + +Next year I shall read history, and that will be rare fun, too. In +the nine hundred hours I shall certainly be able to read all of +Fiske, Mommsen, Rhodes, Bancroft, McMaster, Channing, Bryce, Hart, +Motley, Gibbon, and von Holst not to mention American statesmen. +About the Ides of December I shall hold a levee and sit in state as +the characters of history file by. I shall be able to call them all +by name, to tell of the things they did and why they did them, and to +connect their deeds with the world as it now is. I can't conceive of +any picture-show equal to that, and all through my year with +Shakespeare I shall be looking forward eagerly to my year with the +historians. I plainly see that the neighbors will not need to bring +in any playthings to amuse and entertain me, though, of course, I +shall be grateful to them for their kindly interest. Then, the next +year I shall devote to music, and if, by practising for nine hundred +hours, I cannot acquire a good degree of facility in manipulating a +piano or a violin, I must be too dull to ever aspire to the favor of +Terpsichore. If I but measure up to my hopes during this year I +shall be saved the expense of buying my music ready-made. The next +year I shall devote to art, and by spending one entire evening with a +single artist I shall thus become acquainted with three hundred of +them. If I become intimate with this number I shall not be lonesome, +even if I do not know the others. I think I shall give an art party +at the holiday time of that year, and have three hundred people +impersonate these artists. This will afford me a good review of my +studies in art. It may diminish the gate receipts of the +picture-show for a few evenings, but I suspect the world will be able +to wag along. + +Then the next year I shall study poetry, the next astronomy, and the +next botany. Thus I shall come to know the plants of earth, the +stars of heaven, and the emotions of men. That ought to ward off +ennui and afford entertainment without the aid of the saloon. In the +succeeding twelve years I shall want to acquire as many languages, +for I am eager to excel Elihu Burritt in linguistic attainments even +if I must yield to him as a disciple of Vulcan. If I can learn a +language and read the literature of that language each year, possibly +some college may be willing to grant me a degree for work _in +absentia_. If not, I shall poke along the best I can and try to +drown my grief in more copious drafts of work. + +And I shall have quite enough to do, for mathematics, the sciences, +and the arts and crafts all lie ahead of me in my programme. I +plainly see that I have played my last game of tiddledywinks and +solitaire. But I'll have fun anyhow. If I gain a half-year in each +twelve-month as I have my programme mapped out, in seventy years I +shall have a net gain of thirty-five years. Then, when Atropos comes +along with her scissors to snip the thread, thinking I have reached +my threescore and ten, I shall laugh in her face and let her know, +between laughs, that I am really one hundred and five, and have +played a thirty-five-year joke on her. Then I shall quote Bacon at +her to clinch the joke: "A man may be young in years but old in hours +if he have lost no time." + + + + +CHAPTER XXX + +FOUR-LEAF CLOVER + +I have no ambition to become either a cynic, a pessimist, or an +iconoclast. To aspire in either of these directions is bad for the +digestion, and good digestion is the foundation and source of much +that is desirable in human affairs. Introspection has its uses, to +be sure, but the stomach should have exemption as an objective. A +stomach is a valuable asset if only one is not conscious of it. One +of the emoluments of schoolmastering is the opportunity it affords +for communing with elect souls whose very presence is a tonic. Will +is one of these. He has a way of shunting my introspection over to +the track of the head or the heart. He just talks along and the +first thing I know the heart is singing its way through and above the +storm, while the head has been connected up to the heart, and they +are doing team-work that is good for me and good for all who meet me. +At church I like to have them sing the hymn whose closing couplet is: + + "I'll drop my burden at his feet + And bear a song away." + +I come out strong in singing that couplet, for I like it. In a human +sense, that is just what happens when I chat with Will for an hour. +When I ask him for bread, he never gives me a stone. On the +contrary, he gives me good, white bread, and a bit of cake, besides. + +In one of our chats the other day he was dilating upon Henry van +Dyke's four rules, and very soon had banished all my little clouds +and made my mental sky clear and bright. When I get around to +evolving a definition of education I think I shall say that it is the +process of furnishing people with resources for profitable and +pleasant conversation. Why, those four rules just oozed into the +talk, without any sort of flutter or formality, and made our chat +both agreeable and fruitful. Henry Ward Beecher said many good +things. Here is one that I caught in the school reader in my +boyhood: "The man who carries a lantern on a dark night can have +friends all about him, walking safely by the help of its rays and he +be not defrauded." Education is just such a lantern and this +schoolmaster, Will, knows how to carry it that it may afford light to +the friends about him. + +Well, the first of van Dyke's rules is: "You shall learn to desire +nothing in the world so much but that you can be happy without it." +I do wonder if he had been reading in Proverbs: "Better is a dinner +of herbs where love is than a stalled ox and hatred therewith." Or he +may have been reading the statement of St. Paul: "For I have learned, +in whatever state I am, therewith to be content." Or, possibly, he +may have been thinking of the lines of Paul Laurence Dunbar, + + "Sometimes the sun, unkindly hot, + My garden makes a desert spot; + Sometimes the blight upon the tree + Takes all my fruit away from me; + And then with throes of bitter pain + Rebellious passions rise and swell-- + But life is more than fruit or grain, + And so I sing, and all is well." + +I am plebeian enough to be fond of milk and crackers as a luncheon; +but I have just a dash of the patrician in my make-up and prefer the +milk unskimmed. Sometimes, I find that the cream has been devoted to +other, if not higher, uses and that my crackers must associate +perforce with milk of cerulean hue. Such a situation is a severe +test of character, and I am hoping that at such junctures along +life's highway I may find some support in the philosophy of Mr. van +Dyke. + +I suspect that he is trying to make me understand that happiness is +subjective rather than objective--that happiness depends not upon +what we have, but upon what we do with what we have. I couldn't be +an anarchist if I'd try. I don't grudge the millionaire his turtle +soup and caviar. But I do feel a bit sorry for him that he does not +know what a royal feast crackers and unskimmed milk afford. If the +king and the anarchist would but join me in such a feast I think the +king would soon forget his crown and the anarchist his plots, and +we'd be just three good fellows together, living at the very summit +of life and wishing that all men could be as happy as we. + +The next rule is a condensed moral code: "You shall seek that which +you desire only by such means as are fair and lawful, and this will +leave you without bitterness toward men or shame before God." No one +could possibly dissent from this rule, unless it might be a burglar. +I know the grocer makes a profit on the things I buy from him, and I +am glad he does. Otherwise, he would have to close his grocery and +that would inconvenience me greatly. He thanks me when I pay him, +but I feel that I ought to thank him for supplying my needs, for +having his goods arranged so invitingly, and for waiting upon me so +promptly and so politely. I can't really see how any customer can +feel any bitterness toward him. He gives full weight, tells the +exact truth as to the quality of the goods, and in all things is fair +and lawful. I have no quarrel with him and cannot understand why +others should, unless they are less fair, lawful, and agreeable than +the grocer himself. I suspect that the grocer and the butcher take +on the color of the glasses we happen to be wearing, and that Mr. van +Dyke is admonishing us to wear clear glasses and to keep them clean. + +The third rule needs to be read at least twice if not oftener: "You +shall take pleasure in the time while you are seeking, even though +you obtain not immediately that which you seek; for the purpose of a +journey is not only to arrive at the goal, but also to find enjoyment +by the way." I have seen people rushing along in automobiles at the +mad rate of thirty or forty miles an hour, missing altogether the +million-dollar scenery along the way, in their haste to get to the +end of their journey, where a five-cent bag of peanuts awaited them. +Had I been riding in an automobile through the streets of Tacoma I +might not have seen that glorious cluster of five beautiful roses on +a single branch in that attractive lawn. Because of them I always +think of Tacoma as the city of roses, for I stopped to look at them. +I have quite forgotten the objective point of my stroll; I recollect +the roses. When we were riding out from Florence on a tram-car to +see the ancient Fiesole I plucked a branch from an olive-tree from +the platform of the car. On that branch were at least a dozen young +olives, the first I had ever seen. I have but the haziest +recollection of the old theatre and the subterranean passages where +Catiline and his crowd had their rendezvous; but I do recall that +olive branch most distinctly. I cannot improve upon Doctor van +Dyke's statement of the rule, but I can interpret it in terms of my +own experiences by way of verifying it. I am sure he has it right. + +The fourth rule is worthy of meditation and prayer; "When you attain +that which you have desired, you shall think more of the kindness of +your fortune than of the greatness of your skill. This will make you +grateful and ready to share with others that which Providence hath +bestowed upon you; and truly this is both reasonable and profitable, +for it is but little that any of us would catch in this world were +not our luck better than our deserts." I shall omit the lesson in +arithmetic to-morrow and have, instead, a lesson in life and living, +using these four rules as the basis of our lesson. My boys and girls +are to have many years of life, I hope, and I'd like to help them to +a right start if I can. Some of my many mistakes might have been +avoided if my teachers had given me some lessons in the art of +living, for it is an art and must be learned. These rules would have +helped, could I have known them. I am glad to know that my pupils +have faith in me. When I pointed out a nettle to them one day, they +avoided it; when I showed them a mushroom that is edible, they +accepted the statement without question. So I'll see what I can do +for them to-morrow with these four rules. Then, if we have time, we +shall learn the lines of Mrs. Higginson: + + "I know a place where the sun is like gold, + And the cherry blooms burst with snow, + And down underneath is the loveliest nook, + Where the four-leaf clovers grow. + + One leaf is for hope, and one is for faith, + And one is for love, you know, + And God put another in for luck-- + If you search, you will find where they grow. + + But you must have hope, and you must have faith, + You must love and be strong--and so, + If you work, if you wait, you will find the place + Where the four-leaf clovers grow." + + + + +CHAPTER XXXI + +MOUNTAIN-CLIMBING + +Mountain-climbing is rare sport. And it is sport if only one has the +courage to do it. We had gone to the top of Vesuvius on the +funicular railway; but one man decided to make the climb. We forgot +the volcano in our admiration of the climber. Foot by foot he made +his way zigzagging this way and that, slipping, falling, and +struggling till at last he reached the summit. Then, fifty throats +poured forth a lusty cheer to do him honor. He was not good to look +at, for his clothing was crumpled and soiled, the veins stood out on +his neck, his hair was tousled, his face was red and streaming with +sweat; yet, for all that, we cheered him and meant it, too. He +acknowledged our applause in an honest, simple way, and then +disappeared in the crowd. He was not posing as a heroic figure, but +was just an honest mountain-climber who accepted the challenge of the +mountain and won. In our cheering we did just what the world does: +we gave the laurel wreath to the man who wins in a test of courage. + +I think "Excelsior" is pretty good stuff in the way of depicting +mountain-climbing, and I always want to cheer that young chap as he +fights his way toward the top. He could have stopped down there in +the valley, where everything was snug and comfortable, but he chose +to climb so as to have a look around. I thought of him one day at +Scheidegg. There we were, nearly a mile and a half above sea-level, +shivering in the midst of ice and snow in mid-July, but we had a look +around that made us glad in spite of the cold. As Virgil says: "It +will be pleasing to remember these things hereafter." I have often +noticed that the old soldiers seem to recall the hardest marches, the +most severe battles, and the greatest privations more vividly than +their every-day experiences. + +So the mountain-climbing that I have been doing with my boys and +girls stands out like a cameo in my retrospective view. Sometimes we +looked back toward the valley, and it seemed so peaceful and +beautiful that it caused the mountain before us to seem ominous. At +such times, when courage seemed to be oozing, we needed to reinforce +one another with words of cheer. The steep places seemed perilously +rough at times, and I could hear a stifled sob somewhere in my little +company. At such times I would urge myself along at a more rapid +pace, that I might reach a higher level and call out to them in +heartening tones to hurry on up to our resting-place. We would often +sing a bit in the midst of our resting, and when the sob had been +changed to a laugh I felt that life was well worth while. + +As we toiled upward I was ever on the lookout for a patch of sunlight +in the midst of the shadows that it might lure them on. And it never +failed. Like magic that sun-spot always quickened their pace, and +they often hailed it with a shout. They would even race toward that +sunny place, their weariness all gone. When a bird sang we always +stopped to listen; and the song acted upon them as the music of a +band acts upon drooping soldiers. On the next stage of the journey +their eyes sparkled, and their step was more elastic. When one +stumbled and fell, we helped him to his feet and praised his effort, +wholly ignoring the fall. Sometimes one would become discouraged and +would want to drop out of the company and return home. When this +happened, we would gather about him and tell him how good it was to +have him with us, how he helped us on, and how sorry we should be to +have him absent when we reached the top. When he decided to keep on +with us, we gave a mighty cheer and then went whistling on our upward +way. + +We constantly vied with one another in discovering chaste bits of +scenery along the way, and we were ever too generous to withhold +praise or to appropriate to ourselves the credit that belonged to +another. If one found the nest of a bird hidden away in the foliage, +we all stopped in admiration. When another discovered a spring +gushing out from beneath the rocks, we all refreshed ourselves with +the limpid water and poured out our thanks to the discoverer. When a +rare flower was found, we took time to examine it minutely till we +all felt joy in the flower and in the finder. To us nothing was ever +small or negligible that any one of our company discovered. If one +started a song we all joined in heartily as if we had been waiting +for that one to lead us in the singing. Thus each one, according to +his gifts and inclinations, became a leader on one or another of the +enterprises connected with our journey. + +So, in time, it seemed to us that the big tree came to meet us in +order to give its kindly shade for our comfort; that the bird poured +forth its song as a special gift to us to give us new courage; that +the flower met us at the right time and place to smile its beauty +into our lives; that each stream laughed its way to our feet to +quench our thirst, and to share with us its coolness; that the mossy +bank gave us a special invitation to enjoy its hospitality; that the +cloud had heard our wishes and came to shield us from the sun, and +that the path came forth from among the thickets to guide us on our +way. Because we were winning, all nature seemed to be cheering us on +as the people cheered the man at Vesuvius. + +Having reached the summit, we sat together in eloquent silence. We +had toiled, and struggled, and suffered together, and so had learned +to think and feel in unison. Our spirits had become fused in a +common purpose, and we could sit in silence and not be abashed. We +had become honest with our surroundings, honest with one another, and +honest with ourselves, and so could smile at mere conventions and +find joy in one another without words. We had encountered honest +difficulties--rocks, trees, streams, sloughs, tangles, sand, and sun, +and had overcome them by honest effort and so had achieved honesty. +We had met and overcome big things, too, and in doing so had grown +big. No longer did our hearts flutter in the presence of little +things, for we had won poise and serenity. + +The fogs had been banished from our minds; our sight had become +clear; our spirits had been enlarged; our courage had been made +strong, and our faith was lifted up. A new horizon opened up before +us that stretched on and on and made us know that life is a big +thing. The sky became our companion with all its myriad stars; the +sea became our neighbor with all the life it holds, and the landscape +became our dooryard, with all its varied beauty and grandeur. The +ships upon the sea and the trains upon the land became our messengers +of service. The wires and the air sped our thoughts abroad and +linked us to the world. We looked straight into the faces of the big +elemental things of life and were not afraid. + +When we came back among our own people, they seemed to know that some +change had taken place and loved us all the more. They came to us +for counsel and comfort, paying silent tribute to the wisdom that had +come to us from the mountain. They looked upon us not as superiors, +but as larger equals. We had learned another language, but had not +forgotten theirs. We nestled down in their affections and told them +of our mountain, and they were glad. + + * * * * * + +And now I sit before the fire and watch the pictures in the +flickering flames. In my reverie I see my boys and girls, companions +in the mountain-climbing, going upon their appointed ways. I see +them healing and comforting the sick, relieving distress, ministering +to the needy, and supplanting darkness with light. I see them in +their efforts to make the world better and more beautiful, and life +more blessed. I see them bringing hope and courage and cheer into +many lives. They are bringing the spirit of the mountain down into +the valley, and men rejoice. Seeing them thus engaged, and hearing +them singing as they go, I can but smile and smile. + + + + + + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Reveries of a Schoolmaster, by Francis B. 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